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Opening shots and series recap.
JACK HARKNESS : (v.o.) Torchwood. Outside the Government, beyond the police. Fighting for the future on behalf of the human race. The 21st century is when everything changes... and Torchwood is ready.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ST. TEILO'S MILITARY HOSPITAL - 1918 - NIGHT
Harriet hurries down the stairs. Gerald appears a level above and peers over the banister.
GERALD : Nothing so far. (Harriet stops and looks at him.) You getting anything on that ?
HARRIET : Well, hold on a tick. Harriet has a box hanging from a strap around her neck. She cranks the box and checks its readings. The box clicks like a Geiger counter.
HARRIET : Yes, follow me, Gerald. Harriet hurries down the stairs. She stops and looks at the box readings. Gerald hurries down the stairs to catch up. He comes into view just as Harriet checks the box readings.
GERALD : Well ?
HARRIET : We're pretty close. (Points) This way. Harriet is on the move again, her eyes on the box readings. A door opens and closes off screen. Gerald moves quickly down the stairs to grab Harriet.
GERALD : Shh ! A nurse steps out of the hallway and gasps when she sees Harriet and Gerald. She drops the linens she's carrying. She gasps.
GERALD : Don't panic.
NURSE : I thought you were a ghost. Scared the wits out of me !
GERALD : Sorry. (Gerald kneels to help her pick up her linens. He smiles.) Thought you'd be used to us creeping around by now.
HARRIET : Have you seen any recently ? Ghosts.
NURSE : I've seen three today. It's getting worse.
GERALD : Well, you're a very brave girl.
NURSE : Thank you, sir. Harriet clears her throat loudly.
HARRIET : Where did you see them ?
NURSE : In the ward. She nods pointedly behind them. Both Gerald and Harriet turn around.
INT. ST. TEILO'S MILITARY HOSPITAL - 1918 - WARD - NIGHT
The box around Harriet's neck clicks as she walks through the ward. Gerald is with her. The ward is filled and busy as the nurses tend to the soldiers. CAPTION :
ST. TEILO'S MILITARY HOSPITAL - 1918
They stop at one of the last beds.
NURSE : Mind, half of this lot see things anyway.
GERALD : Nerves shot to pieces. Poor chaps.
NURSE : Soon as they're better, they'll be sent back to the Front. The young man in the bed is sleeping.
HARRIET : Field Marshal Haig's order. Every position must be held to the last man. Each one of us must fight on to the end.' Whenever that is. The lights flicker. The men in the ward groan. Harriet's reader clicks rapidly.
HARRIET : Gerald. Gerald looks at the reader.
GERALD : Come on. They turn and head out of the ward. Tommy, the young man in the bed, sits up just as they're leaving. The overhead lights flicker.
INT. ST. TEILO'S MILITARY HOSPITAL - 1918 - EAST WING - CONTINUOUS
Gerald comes down the stairs and stops in an empty room. Harriet is right behind him. The overhead lights flicker. Harriet's reader clicks wildly.
HARRIET : We're right on top of it ! They look around the room. The building shakes and quivers. Gerald grabs Harriet and holds onto her. Rumbling sounds and the room brightens from an unnatural light. The rift is opening. They look and across the room, they see Toshiko with Tommy - huddled together against the far wall. Tommy is sitting on the floor while Toshiko is next to him. Gerald steps forward.
GERALD : Hello ?
TOSHIKO : (to Tommy) Tell them.
GERALD : Tell us what ?
TOSHIKO : (to Tommy) Tell them what to do. You're the only one who can stop this. If you don't, it's the end of everything ! Tommy ! Tommy stands up and walks over toward Gerald and Harriet.
TOMMY : Take me ! I'm in there in the ward, in 1918. You have to take me so I can be here now. (Gerald and Harriet don't move.) (Demands) Just take me !
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - 1918 - WARD
Gerald and Harriet head back to the bed near the end of the room.
GERALD : Tommy, I think you'd better come with us. Tommy is sitting up in bed. Gerald moves the covers aside.
TOMMY (1918) : Why ?
GERALD : Don't worry. I'm Gerald and this is Harriet. We'll look after you.
TOMMY (1918) : Who are you ? Gerald and Harriet look at each other. Harriet is smiling. Gerald looks at Tommy.
GERALD : We're Torchwood. SMASH CUT TO :
OPENING CREDITS
INT. TOSHIKO'S FLAT - MORNING
[Music : "One of These Mornings"]
MONTAGE OF TOSHIKO GETTING READY FOR WORK.
Toshiko is standing on her bed in her white robe brushing her teeth. Toshiko checks her watch, puts it down and hurries. She puts the toast in the toaster, pours herself a cup of coffee and takes a sip of it. She puts it down on the coffee table and checks her cell phone in her bag. She puts the phone down. Toshiko grabs her clothes and puts it against herself. She puts her clothes on the couch and puts her shoes on. She takes her robe off. Grabs the toast out of the toaster and eats as she heads to her bedroom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toshiko is dressed and her hair is done. She checks herself in her compact mirror. Satisfied, she closes her compact and smiles. Something special is happening today. She grabs her keys and her bag and heads out of the apartment.
LINGER ON : The calendar with FRI 20 circled in red.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - DAY
Jack turns the calendar day over from 19 to 20.
GWEN : Who is he ? Gwen stands in front of Jack's desk looking at an old Torchwood photo.
JACK : Thomas Reginald Brockless. Ianto is in the back of the office.
IANTO : Tommy.
JACK : Twenty-four years-old.
IANTO : Sort of.
GWEN : Well, he's either 24 or he's not.
IANTO : Depends how you work it out. Jack stands up just as Gwen turns to sit on the edge of the desk.
GWEN : All right, when was he born ?
JACK : 1894.
Jack and Ianto leave. Gwen smiles, then it hits her.
INT. HUB - WORKSTATIONS - CONTINUOUS
Jack and Ianto leave the office.
JACK : Owen, you ready ?
OWEN : (o.s.) Yeah, nearly. (Toshiko arrives at the workstations. Owen hurries out, then sees her) Is that a dress, Tosh ?
TOSHIKO : I do believe it is, Owen. Gwen steps out of the office.
GWEN : Well, where is he ?
INT. HUB - MORGUE - CONTINUOUS
Jack steps up to the morgue cabinets. The others are right behind him.
JACK : He's been here for ninety years, longer than any of us. Any of you. Jack opens the cabinet and pulls out the cryogenic chamber.
TOSHIKO : Torchwood have used alien cryogenics since Victorian times. They froze Tommy in 1918. They gather around Tommy.
JACK : So he's 24 or 114 years old. I know which one I'd choose.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - AUTOPSY / COLD STORAGE
Tommy is now out of the chamber and on the table. He is still unconscious. Owen is working on him while Toshiko stands next to the table.
OWEN : We have to wake him up every twelve months or so. Well, defrost him. One day only, then back in the freezer. Gwen stands on the stairs, her back to the wall.
GWEN : Why ? Ianto and Jack are watching from above.
IANTO : Check he still works.
JACK : One day, we're gonna need him. Owen sets the hypodermic against Tommy's neck. The heart monitor gives off one steady beep.
OWEN : Right, everybody ready ? Everyone's ready. Owen injects Tommy, then waits for a pulse.
OWEN : Come on, Tommy. The heart monitor continues to flatline. It's too long. Owen grabs the defibrilator paddles.
OWEN : Charging 200, clear ! He zaps Tommy. The heart monitor continues to flatline.
OWEN : Charging 360. Clear ! Owen zaps Tommy again. Tommy gasps and his eyes open suddenly. He immediately starts struggling against Owen. Ianto steps forward to help subdue Tommy.
OWEN : Gwen, quick. (Gwen steps forward and takes the paddles.) It's all right !
TOMMY : Get off me, leave me alone.
TOSHIKO : Tommy !
TOMMY : Leave me alone !
OWEN : Tommy ! Tommy punches Owen in the face and Owen falls backward.
TOSHIKO : Tommy, listen to me ! Tommy Brockless ! (He stops struggling and stares at Toshiko.) It's me, Toshiko.
TOMMY : Toshiko...
TOSHIKO : Remember ?
TOMMY : Gets harder every year.
IANTO : Good left hook, though.
TOSHIKO : Do you know where you are ? He sits up and looks around.
TOMMY : Torchwood.
TOSHIKO : That's right.
TOMMY : Is it time again ? (She nods.) Blimey.
TOSHIKO : How are you feeling ? He coughs.
TOMMY : I could murder a cup of tea. Owen smiles and pats Tommy on the shoulders. Toshiko grins and turns to Ianto who is also smiling, until he remembers the cup of tea remark and turns to go get one.)
INT. HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM
Everyone is in the conference room having a cup of tea while Tommy eats a full meal.
IANTO : Don't expect the best china...
TOMMY : I'm starving.
IANTO : ...visitors only.
TOMMY : Here, tuck in. There's enough to feed an army.
JACK : (b.g.) We should do this every morning. Breakfast, I mean.
TOMMY : (to Toshiko) Hmm. Nice dress.
TOSHIKO : Thank you.
TOMMY : Got your slacks on underneath. Is it that cold outside ?
IANTO : It's the fashion this year.
TOMMY : (grinning) 1968, they were in miniskirts. Thought all my Christmases had come at once. Shame they haven't made a comeback. Gwen turns to Jack.
GWEN : I still don't get it. Why is he here ?
JACK : Like I said - one day, we're gonna need him.
INT. HUB - AUTOPSY BAY / MEDICAL AREA
Owen holds Tommy's wrists as he gives Tommy a basic physical. Toshiko waits with a clipboard.
OWEN : And pull to me. (He releases Tommy's wrists.) Good. Seems fine. (He turns to get a vial.) I just need to, uh, take a few... blood samples.
TOMMY : Blood samples. Toshiko smiles.
TOSHIKO : We wake you up once a year and stick needles into you, it's not fair.
TOMMY : Once a year for you, it's every day for me.
TOSHIKO : So, while we wait. Owen collects blood.
TOMMY : Tommy Reginald Brockless, born 1894 February the 7th in Blackley, Manchester. Private officer in 10th West Yorkshire regiment.
TOSHIKO : Very good.
TOMMY : Only son of Constance May Bassett, died 1900, and Thomas Campbell Brockless, died June 1931, aged 57. Heart attack. That's right, isn't it ?
TOSHIKO : Yes. I'm sorry.
TOMMY : It's all right. I just haven't had that much time to get used to it.
OWEN : Right, I need to have a look at this leg.
INT. HUB - JACK'S OFFICE
Jack talks with Gwen.
JACK : St. Teilo's Hospital, 1918. There was a time-shift. A fracture in the rift means that two slices of time were erupting into each other.
GWEN : A slice of 1918, and... ?
JACK : A slice of the future. But we don't know exactly what slice. It could be tomorrow, it could be in a hundred years' time.
GWEN : What will happen ?
JACK : Chunks of 1918 will start to appear at the hospital. A few at first, then more and more. When the time-shift is complete, it'll start a chain reaction. (Jack gets up.) Unless we stop it, time-shifts will start happening all over the country, then all over the world. Gwen looks at the profile and picture of Tommy. Jack opens one of the locked cabinets.
GWEN : But how does Tommy fit in ?
JACK : He helps to stop it somehow. (Jack takes out a canister.) Torchwood 1918 left us sealed orders. Gwen reads the label instructions on the sealed can.
GWEN : "Eyes-only documents. FAO Torchwood, commander overseeing case 1918 TB." T... Tommy Brockless ? Jack nods. She tries to open it.
GWEN : Okay. It's stuck.
JACK : No, it's locked.
GWEN : Okay, where's the key ?
JACK : It's a temporal lock tied in with the rift frequencies at the hospital. (Gwen rolls her eyes and sits down at the desk. She switches out a slide on the old desktop light box with another slide.) When the rift nears completion, the box will open and we'll find out exactly what Tommy does.
GWEN : But why would they keep us in the dark, Jack ?
JACK : I guess we'll find that out, too. Tommy and Toshiko walk into the office. Tommy is wearing contemporary street clothing.
TOSHIKO : Ta-dah !
TOMMY : Seriously, what do you think ?
GWEN : You look like a film star.
TOMMY : Who ? Charlie Chaplin ? Gwen giggles.
TOSHIKO : (amused) Come on. Toshiko and Tommy leave the office. Jack and Gwen get up and quickly follow.
INT. HUB - WORKSTATIONS
Gwen and Jack linger at the office doorway.
GWEN : Jack ? Have you got any more of those pretty boys in the freezer ? They watch as Tommy helps Toshiko put her coat on.
JACK : Hands off, missy. Tosh got there first. Toshiko looks at everyone.
TOSHIKO : Thanks for holding the fort while I'm out.
OWEN : No worries. Have fun. Be careful.
GWEN : Where are you off ?
TOSHIKO : A drink, film ? Maybe a pizza.
GWEN : (both) Oh, very nice.
JACK : (both) Aw, very nice.
TOSHIKO : I'll be on the mobile if you need me.
GWEN : Have a lovely time.
JACK : Bye ! Toshiko and Tommy head out.
GWEN : He's a frozen soldier from 1918.
JACK : Nobody's perfect.
EXT. CHURCH COURTYARD - DAY
Toshiko hurries to keep up with Tommy as they cross a courtyard in front of a little white church.
TOSHIKO : Slow down, what's the hurry ?
TOMMY : I've only got one day, I want to see everything. They stop in front of a large statue.
TOSHIKO : Captain Scott... sailed from here, when he went off to the Antarctic.
TOMMY : 1910. I was 16, papers were full of it. Took him two years to get there and then he snuffed it. So, what've you been up to since I last saw you ? They walk over to the railing overlooking the bay.
TOSHIKO : Oh... this and that. Work, mostly. Tommy laughs.
TOSHIKO : What ?
TOMMY : I knew you were going to say that. It's what you always say. So how's the piano playing going ? That's what you said last year, remember ? "I'm gonna learn the piano."
TOSHIKO : Never got round to it.
TOMMY : I bet you never learnt Spanish, neither.
TOSHIKO : I bought a book, though !
TOMMY : Oh, are you made of money ?
TOSHIKO : I haven't had time.
TOMMY : You talk about your life like you've got no control over it.
TOSHIKO : Well, Torchwood's pretty much 24/7. Twenty-four hours a day, 7 days a week.
TOMMY : But you weren't conscripted. I mean, it's your choice, right ?
TOSHIKO : Yeah... I suppose it is.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - DAY
Gwen and Ianto look at an old slide of Gerald and Harriet standing in the hub under the Torchwood sign.
GWEN : He's a bit of all right.
IANTO : He's the boss.
GWEN : Nothing changes. They look at each other and laughs a little.
IANTO : She's all right, too. Harriet Derbyshire.
GWEN : I wonder what happened to her.
IANTO : She died the year after that was taken. Twenty-six years old.
GWEN : So young.
IANTO : They all were. (He picks up another slide with five people in it.) Nothing changes. Gwen gets up and heads out of the office.
IANTO : Where are you going ?
GWEN : St. Teilo's Hospital. And bloody cheer up, will you ?
INT. PUB - DAY
Tommy takes his shot at the billiards table.
TOSHIKO : Good shot !
TOMMY : You're still winning. He hands the pool stick to Toshiko.
TOSHIKO : It's all just maths, really. Angles, velocity...
TOMMY : Yeah. Give you women a vote, equal rights, look what happens, eh ? So, eh, you got a boyfriend yet ? She shoots and hands the stick to Tommy.
TOSHIKO : You sound like my mother.
TOMMY : Ah, so you haven't, then.
TOSHIKO : You had a girlfriend ? In 1918.
TOMMY : Yeah. Ellie. We courted for two years.
TOSHIKO : What happened ?
TOMMY : I, uh, stopped seeing her... last time I was home on leave. The war changed me. I couldn't just carry on like before.
TOSHIKO : I'm sorry.
TOMMY : Right pair we make. They look at each other. Tommy goes to make his shot. Toshiko sips from her drink.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Gwen walks through the dark hallway. The place is eerily quiet. She looks through the rooms as she passes by them. She enters through the double doors into an empty ward. There's a sign over her head : ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL. Wings flap of screen. Gwen turns to look. She continues through the large empty ward. She stops and turns to look back. Something happens and shifts a little. She doesn't notice and continues through the room. Suddenly, she stops. A man with an amputated lower right leg and crutches is in front of her. The lights on in the room flicker.
GWEN : Hello. The man doesn't answer her.
GWEN : I said hello. Again, there is no answer. The man on the crutches starts walking toward her. He shows no sign of stopping. Gwen backs away. The man continues toward her. She backs away
GWEN : You hear me ? Look, can you hear me ? (Her back hits the wall as the man is nearly upon her.) If you just, just... She hands up. The man is gone. She looks around. There's no sign of the man. Anywhere. Gwen thinks about it, then heads out of the room. She starts running back through the corridor, checking the rooms for any sign of the man. She leaves the hallway.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - BACK ROOM - DAY
Gwen comes upon another ward. This one appears to be under construction - with plastic sheeting up on the windows and back door with ladders and metal pieces on the floor. Gwen starts through the room. She thinks she hears something, stop and looks back behind her. She continues through the room. She hears wings flutter off screen and turns. She continues through the room toward the back door.
GWEN : Hello ? There's no answer. She notices the lights in the room flickering. She reaches up and taps the lamp. She fiddles with the light switch. The lights continue to flicker. The lights go out. Gwen looks around. A door slams shut behind her, startling her already heightened senses. Three construction workers are in the room with her.
FOREMAN : Are you all right, love ? You look as if you've seen a ghost. Gwen looks sheepish. LATER :
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - WARD - DAY
Gwen and Jack are in the ward. They're standing at opposite ends of the room. Jack looks around.
JACK : They're knocking down the hospital.
GWEN : Yeah, that's what they said. Could that have triggered the time-shift ?
JACK : Could have. Maybe all the psychic trauma and rift energy charged it up like a battery. 1918, this place was full of wounded soldiers. Jack crouches low to the ground, placing his right hand flat on the floor as if feeling the essence of the room.
JACK : They had four years of it. Passchendaele, the Somme... A million British soldiers killed during the Great War. It was like walking into hell. He dusts his hands off quickly and stands up.
JACK : Believe me. I was there. (to comm) Owen ? You got anything ? INTERCUT WITH :
INT. THE HUB - WORKSTATIONS - DAY
Owen is working the computers.
OWEN : All quiet here. Just that little spike from earlier. Look. This is more Tosh's thing than mine. Shall I give her a call ?
JACK : Not yet. Just keep watching. Jack and Gwen head for the door.
INT. PUB - DAY
Tommy walks up to the counter.
BARTENDER : (o.s.) Yes, mate.
TOMMY : Half a bitter, and a vodka and diet tonic with a slice of lemon, please. He turns and smiles at Toshiko. She nods back. Sounds from the television set catches his attention and he watches news of the war. His smile fades.
REPORTER : (from tv) An Iraqi soldier and at least twenty Iraqi civilians have been killed by a roadside bomb in Basra Saturday night. Soldiers on routine patrol - civilians were taken to a nearby hospital. Toshiko gets up and goes over to stand next to him.)
TOSHIKO : Iraq.
TOMMY : Seems like there's always a war somewhere.
TOSHIKO : It's not exactly a war.
TOMMY : It looks like one. The first year they woke me up... 1919... they told me it was all over. We won. The war to end all wars, they said. And then three weeks later, you had the Second World War. After all that. He gets their drinks and heads back to their table. They sit down.
TOMMY : Do you never wonder if we're worth saving ? The human race.
TOSHIKO : Yes. I think we're worth saving. Wars and all. (He smiles at her.) What ? (He's suddenly very shy.) What ?
TOMMY : I was just thinking... I'd do anything for you. Yeah, all you have to do is say, "Tommy, you're my brave, handsome hero, and I need you." He laughs.
TOSHIKO : Is that all ?
TOMMY : And whatever it is, I'll do it. I mean it. Anything. They're suddenly very serious. There's a small swooshing sound. Tommy grimaces from a pain in his head.
TOSHIKO : What is it ?
TOMMY : I dunno. I just felt something...
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - DAY
The ST. TELIO'S sign is in the dumpster. It's old and rusted from the wires. The builder takes a sledgehammer and punches a hole in the back wall. Sunlight bursts through the hole.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Jack and Gwen walk through the dark hallway. Jack hears something. He stops and turns around.
GWEN : Jack ? Jack motions for her to be quiet as he listens.
GWEN : Jack.
JACK : Shh ! (He motions for her to continue on.) Go ahead. Gwen continues. Jack turns and heads back. He turns the corner and turns his flashlight on. As soon as he hears the singing, he turns and looks back.
VOICE : (singing) Tick-tock, wind up the clock /I like them all... A nurse pushing a patient in a wheelchair appears at the end of the corridor.
NURSE : I bet you say that to all the girls.
WHEELCHAIR PATIENT : (singing) Show me a skirt, and my brain simply whirls... The nurse continues to push the wheelchair patient through the corridor. They head toward Jack and show no sign of seeing him there.
NURSE : Shh ! Matron won't have singing. You'll get a good telling off if she hears you.
WHEELCHAIR PATIENT : (singing) I love their dimples and curls (The nurse giggles.) /Tick-tock, wind up the clock /And I start my day over again. Jack's flashlight beam hits the nurse and the wheelchair patient.
WHEELCHAIR PATIENT : (singing) Tick-tock, wind up the clock /And I start my day over again... The nurse laughs. They pass by Jack without noticing him. Jack watches them as they turn the corner. The nurse giggles.
OWEN : (over comm) Jack, you see anything ? Cos I've got little mountain rises here.
JACK : (to comm) Yeah, we've got a few ghosts here. Jack checks on Gwen.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - ANOTHER CORRIDOR - DAY - CONTINUOUS
JACK : (from comm) Gwen, you okay ?
Gwen is walking through a dark corridor. She doesn't have a flashlight with her.
JACK : (from comm) Gwen ?
GWEN : I'm fine. Gwen enters a very dark room. She turns the ceiling light on. It flickers. Gwen continues through the room. She turns to cover her own back and continues on. The lights continue to flicker. Gwen reaches the other end of the room and steps out into the hallway. She stops, her eyes wide as she sees a man sitting in a chair in the hallway, his elbows on his knees as if he's been waiting there a long time. A nurse walks past her and heads for the man in the chair.
NURSE : They're ready for you now. The man gets up. The nurse turns and leaves around the corner. Gwen turns and looks around. In the background, the nurse has stepped backward and peers around the corner directly at Gwen. The nurse can see her there. Gwen hasn't noticed the nurse looking at her yet. Gwen turns and sees the nurse look directly at her. The nurse starts to head hesitantly toward Gwen. Thinking she's looking at something else, Gwen turns to see who she might be looking at. There's no one there. The lights flicker.
NURSE : (to Gwen) Hello ? Gwen doesn't answer her.
NURSE : (to Gwen) Hello ? The nurse continues toward Gwen.
NURSE : (to Gwen) I see you. Gwen backs away from her.
NURSE : Why won't you leave us alone ? You shouldn't be here ! Gwen puts her arms our in front of her as she backs away back into the room. The nurse continues toward her.
GWEN : I don't mean you any harm.
NURSE : You shouldn't be here ! You shouldn't be here !
GWEN : I don't mean you any harm. Shh ! The lights turn back on and the nurse is gone ! Only the echoes of her yelling is distorted through time. Gwen's arms are out in front of her and holding back nothing but air. She puts her arms down and looks around.
EXT. DOCKS - DAY
Tommy chases Toshiko along the wooden docks.
TOMMY : I'm going to get you !
TOSHIKO : Stop, stop, no. Please, no, Tommy, no. Tommy scoops Toshiko up over his shoulders. She drops her bag.
TOSHIKO : Stop !
TOMMY : It's a fireman's lift. (He carries her in a circle.) I'm not putting you down. (He laughs.) I'm putting you down. He puts her down. She drops her bag. They're smiling and looking at each other. He steps forward and kisses her quickly on the lips. Toshiko's caught off guard.
TOMMY : What ?
TOSHIKO : Nothing. Thanks.
TOMMY : "Thanks ?"
TOSHIKO : It just caught me out. It doesn't matter.
TOMMY : What ? Toshiko picks up her bag and heads over to the bench. She sits down.
TOSHIKO : I know it's silly... but I'm a bit older than you.
TOMMY : I was born in 1894.
TOSHIKO : You know what I mean. He sits down next to her.
TOMMY : So I'm old enough to die for my country but I'm too young to give you a kiss ? You daft lass. What goes on in that head of yours ? She kisses him quickly on the lips.
TOMMY : Thanks.
TOSHIKO : You're welcome.
TOMMY : I might be young, but I've seen a fair bit in my time.
TOSHIKO : So what do you want to do now ?
TOMMY : Well, we could go back to mine but there's only room for one and it's bloody freezing. She chuckles, but he's serious.
TOSHIKO : You want to come back to my place ?
TOMMY : I'm hardly rushing you. You've known me four years.
TOSHIKO : Four days... They lean forward and kiss.
TOSHIKO : Okay. Let's go.
TOMMY : I'll race you. (He stands up and runs. Toshiko starts running after him.) Come on ! Her phone rings. Toshiko stops and answers it.
TOSHIKO : (to phone) Jack. Tommy stops running and turns around. He motions to her.
TOMMY : Toshiko ! Toshiko listens to phone. Her smile fades.
TOSHIKO : (to phone) We're on our way. She hangs up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Jack meets with Gwen, Owen, Toshiko and Tommy.
JACK : Demolishing the hospital is what triggers the time-shift.
OWEN : So, don't demolish it.
JACK : Too late, it's already started.
GWEN : What happens next ? Tommy stares at Toshiko. She turns and glances at him.
JACK : Two different times should never exist simultaneously. You want to be in 1918, or now. Not both.
TOSHIKO : So when 1918 becomes fully manifest...
OWEN : It's really going to screw us up. Jack picks up a single sheet of paper to demonstrate. He shows it to them.
JACK : Okay... Linear time. (He crumples the paper into a ball.) Screwed up time. He throws the paper ball at Owen who catches it.
JACK : Imagine your life as a straight line, from birth to death. Now, try drawing that line on the paper without straightening it out.
GWEN : It's impossible.
JACK : That's why we've got to stop it. Jack is on the move. He heads out. Toshiko gets up and exits the room.
INT. HUB - MAIN FLOOR
JACK : (shouts) Ianto ! Is that box doing anything yet ?
Ianto steps out of Jack's office carrying the canister.
IANTO : Still locked. Jack, Gwen, Owen, Toshiko and Tommy head for the workstations.
JACK : Okay. We need to find out how fast the time-shift is happening. Get some idea when it's going to complete. Tosh, Owen, go to the hospital. We need readings. Cover the place with rift monitors. Gwen, go through the files, see if there's anything we missed. Toshiko grabs her jacket to go to the hospital. Tommy stops and looks at her. Their eyes meet. Toshiko leaves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - WARD - DAY
Toshiko is in the large empty ward kneeling in front of an open case. Owen walks in and puts his case down.
OWEN : Need a hand ?
TOSHIKO : Just a couple more. She tosses him a reader. He catches it and goes to the wall to set it up.
OWEN : Listen, Tosh, I've been meaning to say... uh, just be careful.
TOSHIKO : What do you mean ?
OWEN : You're very close to Tommy.
TOSHIKO : I've only known him for four days.
OWEN : Yeah. You've fallen for him, haven't you ?
TOSHIKO : I can be myself with him. I don't have to pretend.
OWEN : No, I understand. I-I didn't think you had some weird fetish for defrosted men. I just, um... I don't want you to get hurt, that's all... if you have to say goodbye. Toshiko understands.
GWEN : (over Owen's comm) Owen, can you hear me ?
OWEN : (to comm) What is it ?
GWEN : (over comm) I need you to go down into the east wing of the hospital, head for the second floor, what used to be the radiology section.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - EAST WING - DAY
GWEN : (over comm) I think that area contains a clue to the time-shift. I read this earlier, but it didn't make any sense.
INTERCUT WITH :
INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - DAY
Gwen is looking through the files.
GWEN : In the Torchwood 1918 field report at the hospital, they describe a certain detail of their encounter. Owen stops in the middle of the large empty room as he listens.
GWEN : It reads... "Through a hole in the external wall, we hear the roar of great engines. Outside is a woman in strange armor, ripping a Union jack, perhaps some future heroine of the Empire." Owen sits on his haunches in the middle of the room as he thinks.
GWEN : I mean, what does it mean ? It doesn't sound like us now, I mean - the time-shift has started, but maybe it doesn't complete until - well, years in the future. Owen gets up and goes to the back storage room. He looks around. He sees something off screen.
OWEN : Got it ! Owen moves a chair to climb up the counter to look out of the hole in the back of the wall. He sees the mural on the wall on the other building.
OWEN : It's, uh, it's some kind of advert. It's, uh, for car insurance. That sound they heard must have been traffic. It's not years in the future... it's now.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - WARD - DAY
Toshiko is alone in the large empty room. The rift monitor alarms start to beep. Toshiko heads over to some of the monitors. Suddenly, the alarm blares and the lamp lights flash. Toshiko hurries out.
INT. HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - DAY
Jack is working at his desk, the Torchwood sealed canister on the desktop in front of him. Wisps of golden riftlight unseal the canister. Jack puts his pen down and removes the papers from the canister. He breaks the Torchwood seal, opens the envelope and removes the papers inside. He reads through the handwritten letter. Ianto steps into the office and sees Jack reading.
IANTO : Instructions ?
JACK : Yeah, for Tommy. He reads onto the next page and stops.
JACK : And Toshiko.
INT. HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Jack meets with Toshiko, Gwen, Owen and Tommy. He has the letter and another circular object near him.
JACK : In twelve hours, there'll be a brief moment when both times exist, before the time-shift completes, when Tommy can be here now, and in 1918. He needs to be in the hospital, ready to step from one time to another.
GWEN : So he'd be right inside the time-shift ?
JACK : And he can close the fracture that caused it.
TOMMY : And when the fracture's closed ?
OWEN : 1918 will be back where it belongs.
TOMMY : So will I. Jack nods.
TOMMY : For good ?
JACK : Yeah. You're the only one who can do this. We brought you from 1918 to now, and when you go back to 1918, your life will be like a thread, stitching time back together again.
TOMMY : A stitch in time.
TOSHIKO : How ? Jack picks up the circular object.
JACK : This is a rift manipulator. It's basically a key. Once you're inside the time-shift, you can close the door behind you.
TOMMY : And that's it ? I'm gone ? Tommy turns and looks at Toshiko. Everyone is quiet. The door opens and Ianto walks in carrying large box.
JACK : Tommy, stay with Ianto. Tosh, with me. Jack picks up the things and heads out. Toshiko looks at Tommy. She gets up quickly and follows Jack out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - DAY
Jack talks with Toshiko.
TOSHIKO : What happens to him ?
JACK : Three weeks after we send Tommy back, he dies.
TOSHIKO : How ?
JACK : He's shot by a firing squad.
TOSHIKO : I don't understand.
JACK : In 1918, Tommy was suffering from shell shock. That's why he was in the hospital. When Torchwood took him and froze him, they froze his most recent memories. When he returns to 1918, he'll revert back to who he was. He'll be shell-shocked and so he'll be executed by the British Army for cowardice.
TOSHIKO : They can't shoot him for that.
JACK : Lots of soldiers who were shell-shocked recovered enough to be sent back to the Front. But once they were there... they broke down again.
TOSHIKO : So they kill him ?
JACK : More than three hundred of them.
TOSHIKO : Then we can't send him back.
JACK : We have to.
TOSHIKO : I can't do that.
JACK : Yes, you can. He trusts you.
TOSHIKO : To send him to his death ?
JACK : To help him save the future. It has to be you. Jack shows her the page of the letter - a sketch of Toshiko.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM
Ianto opens the box.
IANTO : We've kept these in the archives. You were wearing them in the hospital when Torchwood took you. Tommy takes out his jacket and looks at it.
TOMMY : Good job the moths haven't got into them. He takes out his pajama bottoms.
TOMMY : So I'll be saving the world in some pyjamas ? How daft is that ?
INT. HUB - JACK'S OFFICE
Toshiko takes the sketch.
JACK : Torchwood 1918 saw you with Tommy in the hospital, telling him what to do. I know you. You're strong enough to do this. He gives her the letter.
TOSHIKO : Does Tommy know what happens to him ?
JACK : No.
TOSHIKO : If he asks me, what do I say ?
INT. HUB - WORKSTATIONS
Tommy carries the box and puts it down by the couch.
TOMMY : Where's Toshiko ?
GWEN : Still in with Jack.
TOMMY : So... tomorrow morning. (Ianto nods.) What time is it now ? Gwen checks her watch. Ianto checks his watch.
IANTO : Ten to nine.
TOMMY : So what do we do till then ? Everyone is very quiet and looks at each other.
TOMMY : (scoffs) You don't know, do you ?
GWEN : What would you like to do ?
TOMMY : The night before we went over the top, we used to play cards, write letters. Have a drink, if anyone had some. He sits down.
OWEN : Yeah, well, we could do that.
IANTO : Yeah. Ianto turns to get it.
TOMMY : But you're not coming with me. I'm going on my own. Again, everyone is quiet. Toshiko exits the office and passes them on her way to her workstation. She's very quiet. Jack lingers against the office doorframe.
GWEN : We were just wondering what, um, Tommy should do tonight.
TOSHIKO: He can come home with me. Everyone turns to look at Toshiko.
TOSHIKO : He's not our prisoner; he doesn't have to stay here. Does he ?
JACK : No. (to Tommy) If that's what you both want. Toshiko and Tommy look at each other.
JACK : Tomorrow morning, 6:30. Everyone starts moving again. Tommy hands the box back to Ianto as Toshiko gets her things. Jack watches them from his office doorway.
INT. TOSHIKO'S FLAT - NIGHT
The apartment is dark. The lights turn on. Toshiko and Tommy enter
TOSHIKO : Come in.
TOMMY : You're very neat.
TOSHIKO : Yes. Well, there's only me here.
TOMMY : And me. Just for tonight. Then I'll be gone.
TOSHIKO : I never thought it would really happen.
TOMMY : I won't even be able to write to you. You're going to be so far away.
TOSHIKO : I worried you'd see me getting older. Suddenly, they're kissing. It's 23:59. It's midnight.
INT. HUB - JACK'S OFFICE - NIGHT
Jack is in the office sorting through some papers. Behind him, Ianto comes up the stairs.
JACK : This time tomorrow, he'll be back in 1918. Ianto lingers by the railing in the dark.
IANTO : In his own time. Would you go back to yours ? If you could ?
JACK : Why, would you miss me ?
IANTO : Yep. Ianto moves in closer.
JACK : I left home a long time ago. I don't really know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn't matter anymore.
IANTO : I - don't you get lonely. Ianto sits on the edge of Jack's desk.
JACK : Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was. Jack and Ianto's eyes meet.
JACK : And I wouldn't change that for the world. Ianto moves in and they kiss.
INT. TOSHIKO'S FLAT - NIGHT
Toshiko and Tommy are in bed, post-coital. Toshiko's eyes are open. She turns and looks at the clock. It's 02:00. Tommy's awake as well.
TOMMY : What did he tell you ? What happens to me ?
TOSHIKO : They send you back to France.
TOMMY : Then what ? (She doesn't answer him.) Do they find my body ? She touches his cheek and still doesn't answer him. She nods.
TOMMY : Well, that's something. He leans forward and kisses her.
EXT. CARDIFF BAY (STOCK) - DAY
Establish time.
INT. TOSHIKO'S FLAT - DAY
It's morning. Toshiko is in her white robe. She watches Tommy in bed. He wakes up and looks at her.
TOSHIKO : It's time.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - BIG EMPTY ROOM - DAY
Gwen, Owen, Jack, Toshiko and Tommy enter the ward. Gwen and Owen put the kits they're carrying down. Toshiko hands Tommy the rift manipulator.
JACK : (sighs) You know we can't be here when it happens. Tommy nods. The rift alarms blare. The building shakes. Tommy tries to be brave and steps forward and away from the group. Toshiko follows him.
TOSHIKO : Come on. They continue through the hospital. The others follow.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - CORRIDOR - DAY
They're walking through the corridor. Suddenly, Tommy stops them.
TOMMY : Shh ! They hear the echoing sounds of someone singing.
JACK : We're safe for now. A nurse carrying a lit lamp turns the corner in front of them and walks down the hallway. Tommy starts following her. Toshiko follows him.
TOSHIKO : Are you all right ? (Tommy starts running.) Tommy ! They enter the ward.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - WARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS
Tommy looks around. The nurse is gone.
TOMMY : Where is she ? Everyone is quiet as they watch him.
TOMMY : In 1918 ? Tommy remembers.
GERALD : (echoy, distorted, faint) Tommy, I think you'd better come with us. Don't worry. I'm Gerald, this is Harriet. We'll look after you.
TOMMY : Torchwood took me. INSERT : It's night. Tommy is asleep in the ward back in 1918. Tommy is standing at the bed watching himself sleep.
TOSHIKO : (faint) Tommy ? Tommy turns and sees Toshiko standing right behind him. He sees everyone there. It's too much for him. He shakes his head and runs out of the room. We note the lights in the room flickering.
TOSHIKO : Tommy ! Toshiko runs after him.
JACK : (to the others) Stay here.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - EAST WING - DAY
Tommy stops in the back room. Toshiko rushes in.
TOMMY : (distressed) I won't do it. I can't go back.
JACK : You've got to.
TOMMY : No ! I know what'll happen. They'll send me back to the Front. I'll be back in the trenches. (to Toshiko) Help me.
TOSHIKO : You've got to go.
TOMMY : Why me ?! He deliberately drops the rift manipulator.
TOMMY : You're no better than the generals. Sitting safely behind the lines, sending us over the top. Any one of you lot could go, but you're not, are you? You're sending me.
JACK : We belong here.
TOSHIKO : I'm sorry.
TOMMY : I've been shoved from pillar to post all my life by the Army, by Torchwood. Tommy advances toward Jack, Jack holds up his hands to stop him.
JACK : Hey, hey. Tommy turns and looks at Toshiko.
TOMMY : All this time I've had, it means nothing. Tommy goes to the back wall and leans against it. He slides till he sits completely on the floor, huddled against the wall. Toshiko's heart goes out to him. Jack heads over. He kneels and grabs Tommy's arm.
JACK : Tommy.
TOMMY : (shakes him off) Get off.
JACK : Tommy, get up.
TOMMY : No !
TOSHIKO : Leave us alone. Please. Jack gets up. He puts a hand on Toshiko's shoulder on his way out.
JACK : You've got two minutes. Jack leaves. Toshiko picks up the rift manipulator and walks over to Tommy. She kneels and puts her hand on his shoulder. He pulls away from her. She moves in closer anyway.
TOSHIKO : Listen, you're a hero. Do you know that ? (He looks at her.) Because you stop the time-shift and save everyone. You save us all.
TOMMY : I can't do it. She sighs.
TOSHIKO : We need you.
TOMMY : I don't want to be a hero. I want to stay here with you. The Rift rumbles and an unnatural wind blows. Toshiko turns and looks behind her. The sounds get louder and louder. Tommy and Toshiko hold onto each other. A very bright light shines forcing them to cover their eyes. When the sounds subside, they look up.
GERALD : (o.s.) Hello ? Gerald and Harriet are there. Toshiko looks at Tommy.
TOSHIKO : (to Tommy) Tell them.
GERALD : Tell us what ?
TOSHIKO : (to Tommy) Tell them what to do. You're the only one who can stop this. If you don't, if you don't, it's the end of everything. Tommy doesn't move.
TOSHIKO : Tommy ! He looks down at the Rift manipulator, then gets up quickly. He heads over to Gerald and Harriet.
TOMMY : Take me ! I'm in there in the ward in 1918. You have to take me so I can be here now. (Gerald and Harriet don't move.) (demands) Just take me ! The Rift roaring and winds stir up again. The lights get extremely bright. When it subsides, Tommy and Toshiko are back in the future. Toshiko looks at Tommy. He's much calmer.
TOMMY : I'll be gone soon. She nods.
TOSHIKO : Remember... the rift key. Use it. She glances at the door, then she kisses him.
TOSHIKO : You've got to get back into bed. Like you've never been away. Then use the key. Tommy ? Remember, hmm. (They again glance toward the door.) It's nearly time. They nod at each other. The crunching, roaring sounds start up again. Tommy takes the key and starts toward the door. He turns and looks back at Toshiko. An unnatural wind blows and Tommy heads for the door. The extremely bright light shines as Toshiko watches.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - 1918 - EAST WING - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
Tommy is in a storage room. He looks around and clutches the rift key. The nurse finds him there.
NURSE : What are you doing ? You shouldn't be in here. The nurse pushes Tommy toward the door. She pulls the linen off the shelf, glances back at the room and heads out after him.
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - CORRIDOR - DAY - PRESENT
Jack, Owen, Gwen and Ianto turn the corner and start down the corridor. Toshiko runs toward them.
TOSHIKO : Go, go ! Everyone turns and runs the other way. Toshiko stops and looks back. Jack grabs her arm and pulls her with him.
JACK : Come on !
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - 1918 - WARD - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS
Gerald and Harriet head back to the bed near the end of the room. Tommy is sitting up in bed.
GERALD : Tommy, I think you'd better come with us. Gerald moves the covers aside.
TOMMY (1918) : Why ?
GERALD : Don't worry. I'm Gerald, this is Harriet. We'll look after you.
TOMMY (1918) : Who are you ?
GERALD : We're Torchwood. Tommy starts to get up.
TOMMY (1918) : Where are we going ?
GERALD : Somewhere safe. Trust me. Tommy gets out of bed and puts his jacket on. Gerald and Harriet move Tommy along.
GERALD : It's all right. Keep going. At the other end of the ward, the nurse enters with Future Tommy. Gerald and Harriet quickly move Past Tommy out of the room.
GERALD : Don't look back. Just before he leaves, Gerald turns and looks at Future Tommy. Gerald leaves the room.
NURSE : You should be in bed. Tommy takes his jacket off. The nurse turns the blanket down. Tommy gets into bed.
NURSE : Still warm, at least. Not been gone long. The nurse leaves. Tommy sits in bed looking very scared and confused.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - WORKSTATIONS - DAY
Everyone returns to the hub. Gwen puts her kit down as the alarm blares.
GWEN : Whoa. What's happening ? Toshiko gets to work on the computers.
TOSHIKO : I don't know.
JACK : The time-shift hasn't stopped. Toshiko, show me the city, now ! Toshiko puts a satellite view of the city up on the monitor. White lights appear where time shifts occur. As they watch, more and more lights appear.
TOSHIKO : It's spreading out from the hospital. Jack nods.
GWEN : What the hell are they ?
JACK : Chunks of the past erupting into the present. Owen is following on his monitor.
OWEN : They're everywhere.
GWEN : What about the rift key ?
TOSHIKO : Tommy isn't using it.
IANTO : Why not ?
TOSHIKO : I don't know. Because he's just gone back to ninety years ago, because he's shell-shocked ?
JACK : (to Owen) One of us will have to go back. Jack heads for the door as Owen thinks.
OWEN : Jack, wait ! (Jack turns around.) You'll get stuck in 1918. I've got an idea.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - AUTOPSY AREA - CONTINUOUS
The alarms continue to blare. Owen moves the monitor aside.
OWEN : The time-shifts are forcing the rift open. If we're quick, we can use it to our advantage. He turns and opens the refrigerator and takes out Tommy's blood samples.
OWEN : (mutters) A tiny amount should do. (He hands the rack to Gwen.) We know Tommy's exact location in time. If we send an image of you through to him... Jack comes down the steps. He gets it.
JACK : ...I can go into Tommy's mind. Owen preps the syringe. Everyone is moving quickly.
OWEN : As a psychic projection. Yes, if we're lucky.
GWEN : And Tommy will be able to see you.
JACK : I can make him use the key. Jack sits in the chair, his sleeves rolled up and arm outstretched. Owen looks for a vein.
TOSHIKO : Let me do it. Everyone stops and turns to look at Toshiko standing above them, leaning over the railing.
TOSHIKO : He trusts me. They look at Jack. Jack looks down at the syringe mere inches from his arm.
JACK : (nods) Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toshiko is hooked up to a head monitor and in the chair Jack was just in.
TOSHIKO : How long have I got ?
OWEN : Minutes.
JACK : You've got one shot, Tosh. That's all. Owen looks at Toshiko.
OWEN : All right ? She nods. Owen injects her. He hands the syringe to Gwen, then monitor's Toshiko's pulse. Toshiko's eyes close. Jack has his fingers on Toshiko's neck pulse. Everyone looks at each other and waits.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ST. TEILO'S HOSPITAL - 1918 - DAY
Its madness and chaos in the ward. The patients scream as the building shakes and lights flicker. Tommy sits up in bed and looks around. He looks scared.
TOSHIKO : (o.s.) Tommy. Pull back to reveal Toshiko sitting on the edge of Tommy's bed.
TOSHIKO : Tommy. Tommy continues to look around. INTERCUT WITH :
INT. HUB - AUTOPSY AREA
Toshiko is back in the hub. Jack has a hand on her shoulder and everyone surrounds her.
TOSHIKO : Tommy.
GWEN : (whispers) Oh, she's found him. Tommy turns and looks at Toshiko.
TOSHIKO : It's me. Toshiko.
TOMMY : Who ?
TOSHIKO : (echoy) I'm here to help you. Tommy looks down at the rift key he's holding. He offers it to her.
TOMMY : Is this yours ?
TOSHIKO : No. Do you know what it is ? Tommy can barely focus. He looks at someone else near the bed. She pulls his attention back to her.
TOSHIKO : Tommy, it's a key. You have to use it. Tommy looks at her, scared. Back in the hub, everyone is quiet as they wait. Jack glances at his watch. Owen continues to monitor Toshiko's pulse. In the hospital, Tommy looks at Toshiko.
TOMMY : I'm scared.
TOSHIKO : It's all right.
TOMMY : That's why I'm here. I'm a... I'm a coward.
TOSHIKO : No, you are not.
TOMMY : What am I fighting for ?
TOSHIKO : For the future, for me. Because you're my brave, handsome hero. (He looks at her.) Tommy, use the key. Tommy nods. He holds up the rift key and twists the latch on the side. The dial turns, opens and wisps of golden rift light escapes out from the key. He turns the latch back and it closes again.
TOSHIKO : Thank you.
TOMMY : Goodbye. The building shakes and roars. Extremely bright light engulfs them.
INT. HUB - AUTOPSY BAY
Toshiko opens her eyes and takes deep heaving gasps of breath. The sudden movement startles everyone. Owen holds onto Toshiko's wrist, no longer taking a pulse.
OWEN : It's all right. Jack holds onto Toshiko's shoulder.
TOSHIKO : He did it. Owen looks at Jack. There are large tears in Toshiko's eyes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HUB - WORKSTATIONS
Toshiko sits on the couch and she slowly folds Tommy's clothes - the last se of clothes he wore before going back in time. She pauses a moment, then continues folding. She puts the clothes in the box and covers it. Owen steps out from the autopsy area and watches her for a moment. He leaves as she secures the straps on the lid. Leaving the box there on the coffee table, she stands up and puts her jacket on. Jack appears in his office doorway.
JACK : Hey. Toshiko looks at him.
JACK : Thank you. Toshiko nods and leaves.
EXT. CHURCH COURTYARD OVERLOOKING THE BAY - DAY
Toshiko stands out against the railing over looking the bay. The white church is behind her. Owen rushes along the wet sidewalk and joins her at the railing.
TOSHIKO : He trusted me. Right to the end...
OWEN : Because you were strong. He points in a sweeping motion to the scene in front of them.
OWEN : All of this... is still here because of you.
TOSHIKO : (shakes her head) Because of Tommy. Let's hope we're worth it. And with that, Toshiko leaves. Owen turns and watches her go. Toshiko walks away and doesn't look back. SMASH CUT TO :
ROLL END CREDITS | Plan: A: Toshiko; Q: Who falls for a handsome soldier trapped out of his time? A: the world; Q: What does the soldier hold the key to saving? A: an old hospital; Q: What is haunted by ghosts from 1918? A: 90 years ago; Q: How long ago was the crisis foreseen by Torchwood? A: its climax; Q: What is the crisis that Torchwood foresaw 90 years ago about to reach? A: Time zones; Q: What is colliding in the episode? A: life and death decisions; Q: What is to be made in the episode? A: an explosive end; Q: What does Cardiff face? Summary: Toshiko falls for a handsome soldier, trapped out of his time, who unwittingly holds the key to saving the world. With an old hospital haunted by ghosts from 1918, a crisis foreseen by Torchwood 90 years ago is about to reach its climax. Time zones are colliding and with life and death decisions to be made, will Torchwood be able to stop an explosive end for Cardiff? |
[The Year 2030]
LIVING ROOM
(Daughter and Son sitting on couch)
Future Ted: You know how Aunt Robin's a big fan of Halloween, always dressing up in crazy costumes? Well, she wasn't always that way. Back in 2005, she thought she was too cool for Halloween, unlike Aunt Lily.
BAR
(Present day, Marshall, Barney and Robin sit at booth; Lily enters bar and heads over to them)
Lily: Guess what came in the mail today?
(Lily sits down next to Marshall)
Marshall: Our costumes? Do they rule?
Lily: They rule. And yours is 100% wool so you won't get hypothermia like last year.
Marshall: Tarzan nipple blue.
Barney: You know what I love about Halloween? It's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. If a girl dresses up as she a witch, she's a slutty witch. If she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. If she's a nurse...
Lily (interrupting): Wow, we get it.
Barney: She's a slutty nurse.
Marshall: Robin, what are you doing for Halloween?
Robin: Oh, I don't know. Probably hanging out with Mike, this guy I've been seeing.
Lily: Mike? There's a Mike? You have a boyfriend? You haven't told us?
Robin: No, I mean, he's not my boyfriend. He's just this guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks.
Lily (in a sing-song voice): Boyfriend.
Marshall: So why haven't we met him?
Robin: We're not really ready to go public yet.
Barney (in a sing-song voice): Married.
Lily: How about we go about a Halloween double-date?
Robin: I don't know, we were kinda thinking about staying at home and dressing up as naked people.
Lily: Come on, Robin, trot our your new fella. Let us judge and evaluate him behind your back. It'll be fun.
(Marshall looks over to see Ted approaching)
Marshall: Hey, Ted, you'll never guess what happened?
Ted: Your costumes came.
Marshall: Our costumes...yes, that is why we're best friends.
Robin: Hey, Ted, what are you doing for Halloween?
Ted: Well.
Marshall, Lily, Barney: Awww.
Robin: What?
Lily: Every Halloween Ted waits for the Slutty Pumpkin.
Ted: That's right.
Robin: What's the Slutty Pumpkin?
Ted: You mean, who is the Slutty Pumpkin? It was four years ago.
EXT. ROOFTOP
(Ted at Halloween party 4 years ago)
Ted: I was at this Halloween party up on the roof of our building. I'm about to call it an early night when out of nowhere appeared this girl in the sexiest pumpkin costume.
BAR
Robin: Wait, how can a pumpkin costume be sexy?
Ted: It was carved in strategic places.
Ted: So, uh, we're at the bar and I see her mix kahlua...
Lily: Kahlua and root beer
Marshall: A cocktail she invented herself.
Ted: And she...
Barney: And she called it the Tootsie Roll.
Lily, Marshall, Barney: Because it tastes like an alcoholic Tootsie Roll.
Ted: Hey, can I please tell this story? So we had this instant connection. She gave me her number, but then something...
Marshall, Lily, Barney: Something went terribly wrong.
Ted: Guys! Something went terribly wrong.
APARTMENT
(Halloween four years ago, Lily, dressed up as Sonny, is passing out candy at front door)
Lily: Happy Halloween.
(Ted walks in through front door)
Ted: Sonny, where's Cher?
Lily: Cher?
(Marshall walks in from his bedroom dressed up as a woman)
Marshall: Right here, babe.
Ted: I just met the perfect woman. She's funny. She's beautiful. She loves Star Wars.
Marshall: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. What's her take on Ewoks?
Ted: Loves them.
Marshall: Oh good. I don't know why people are so cynical about Ewoks. The Rebellion would have failed without the Ewoks.
Ted: Get this, she's a marine biologist. She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.
Marshall: Oh, penguins are cool, kinda like black and white Ewoks. I approve.
Ted: Hey, where's my, uh, Kit Kat? I put it right here on this table.
Lily: I don't know, but we have plenty of chocolate here.
Ted: No no no, you don't understand. I need that Kit Kat. She wrote her number on that wrapper. Where is it?
Lily: Uh-oh.
(Ted runs out front door and chases down kid dressed up as Dracula)
Ted: Hey, Dracula. Come on. Give me your candy. Gimme!
(Ted grabs kid's candy and dumps it on the floor)
Ted: Where's the Kit Kat? Where's the Kit Kat!
BAR
Ted: Never found her number, never saw her again. But every year they have a Halloween party up on the roof so that's where I'll be.
Barney: You know, Ted, it's been four years. She could be engaged or married or, God forbid, fat.
Ted: I don't know, I got a feeling. This could be the year. Halloween is a night of wonder and magic.
(Lily, Marshall, and Barney groan)
Ted: OK, bring the mockery. Fine, I can take it. Come on, wouldn't it be the coolest story ever if the Slutty Pumpkin turned out to be my future wife?
Lily: Oh, on the off chance that that could happen, maybe we should stop calling her the Slutty Pumpkin.
(Marshall, Barney, and Ted mumble in agreement)
APARTMENT
(Ted sitting on couch alone with laptop)
Lily (from bedroom): Ted, is your world ready to be rocked? (echo) rocked-rocked-rocked.
Ted: Can't wait.
(Marshall and Lily walk out in their pirate and parrot costumes)
Marshall: So, what do you think?
Lily: (repeats like a parrot) So, what do you think? (squawks)
Ted: Wow! Marshall, you wearing eye liner?
Marshall: Oh, yeah. Weirdly hot, right?
Lily: We are so gonna win the costume contest this year.
Marshall: First prize, $50 gift certificate at the bar.
Ted: And how much did you pay for your costumes?
Marshall: $100
Lily: (like parrot) Each.
Ted: Well, I think you guys look great.
(Ted gets up from couch and leaves laptop on couch)
Lily: What are you going as? Oh, like I even have to ask.
Ted: Hey, I want the Slutty Pumpkin to recognize me and she knows me as a hanging chad.
(Ted puts on his costume as a ballot with a hanging chad)
Ted: What? She thought it was hilarious.
Lily: Yeah, four years ago, but nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is.
Marshall: What a sad commentary on our national attention span that we could forget such a turbulent time in our political history.
Lily (like parrot): Sad commentary. (squawks)
Lily: All right, Polly gotta pee.
Marshall: Again?
(Lily and Marshall walk toward bathroom)
Ted: Where are you going?
Marshall: It's an elaborate costume.
(Ted goes over to couch to shut laptop, Ted hears music coming from direction of door, Ted opens door to find Barney dressed in flight suit with "Danger Zone" playing behind him, Barney walks in a few steps, takes off his sunglasses and shakes his head around)
Barney: No, no, not again. Not this year. You're going as my wingman. Flight suit up!
(Barney throws a costume to Ted)
Ted: No thanks. I'm sticking with the hanging chad.
Barney: Oh you're dangerous, Maverick. Your ego's writing check your body can't cash. OK. Here's the plan, and I crap you not. I'm getting us into the Victoria's Secret Halloween party. Trust me, by the end of the night, your chad will not be hanging.
Ted: We can get rejected by supermodels any night of the year. Tonight, I'm going up to the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the Slutty Pumpkin. That's just what I do.
Barney: Hm, (putting up left hand) Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties, or (putting up right hand) Yale preppies reuniting their stupid a capella group. What's that left hand? Right hand sucks? Word.
Ted: I'm heading up to the roof.
Barney: Well, boys, looks like it's just the three of us. What's that? Self-five? Nice. (high fives himself) We out.
(Robin comes in front door)
Robin: Hey, Chad, how's it hanging?
Ted: Hey, word play. Funny.
(Ted and Barney walk out front door)
Robin: (to Barney as he walks by her out the door) Whoo.
Robin: (to Lily) Nice outfit.
Lily: I'm a parrot.
Robin: You sure are.
(Robin closes door)
Lily: Where's Mike?
Robin: He's meeting me here. I ran late covering the Halloween parade in the Village. There are like a zillion gay pirates this year.
(Marshall walks into living room from bathroom)
Marshall: Seriously, does my eye liner look OK?
Lily: Yes, it's weirdly hot.
Lily (to Robin): So, where's your costume?
(Knock at door)
Robin: Uh, you know, Mike and I joked about doing something together but we decided not to dress up.
(Robin opens door and Mike is standing there dressed as Hansel)
Robin: Oh, geez.
Mike: Hi.
Robin: Ah, everyone, this is Michael. Th-that is not his real hair.
Mike: Where's your costume, Gretel?
Robin: You thought I was...Oh, I was just kidding. I gotta stop making jokes in e-mails. It's so hard to convey tone.
Marshall (aside to Lily): I think we got them beat.
(Marshall gives Lily five)
EXT. ROOFTOP
(Barney and Ted walk through Halloween party)
Barney: I can't believe you talked me into this.
Ted: I didn't. You followed me up here.
Barney: This party sucks. There are seven chicks here.
(guy in dress takes off blonde wig)
Barney: There are six chicks here.
Ted: Relax, the night is young. It's gonna get better.
King Costume Guy: Ladies and gentlemen, as on-pitch as they were at Spring Fling '95, it's my pleasure to welcome back the Shagarats.
(People applaud)
Shagarats: (singing) My bonnie lies over the ocean. My bonnie lies over the sea. My bonnie lives over the ocean. Oh bring back my bonnie to me...
(Barney walks over to bar and drinks from large bottle)
BAR
(Lily, Marshall, Robin and Mike at booth)
Barney (talking like pirate): What be a pirate's favorite kind of sweater?
Lily: Arr-gyle.
Barney (talking like a pirate): And what be a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?
Lily: Arrr-by's
Barney (talking like a pirate): Would think it would be Arby's, (talking normal) but actually it's Long John Silver's.
Robin: Actually I kinda need this hand to eat.
Mike: Oh.
(waiter brings food over)
Lily, Robin: Oh yeah. Oh, thank you
Marshall (like pirate): Starrr-ving
Lily: It's so nice to meet you, Mike. You guys are really cute together.
Mike: Yeah, we've been spending a lot of time together. We're even getting to that point where we finish each other's (stops talking, waiting for Robin to finish sentence)
Robin: This cheeseburger is so...
Mike: Good. See.
Lily: I think you won the dish-off tonight, baby. This steak totally bitch-slapped my pork chop.
Marshall: That might be true but your rice pilaf kicked my spinach in the crotch so hard it threw up a little bit.
(Lily feeds Marshall some food)
Mike: (holding a fork of food out) Robin, you have to try this chicken.
Robin: Oh, well, that's good. I'm OK, thanks.
Mike: Really tasty.
Robin: I'm just really feeling this cheeseburger.
Mike: Come on, just try a little bite.
Robin: Dude, I'm kind of in the zone here.
Lily: Oh for God's sake. (Lily grabs Mike's hand and eats food from his fork)
Lily: Really tasty.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROOFTOP
(Shagarats finish singing, Barney approaches girl in hula outfit at bar area)
Barney: Hey.
Hula Girl: Hey.
Barney: So, what does a fella have to do to get lei'd around here? Yeah.
Hula Girl: Right, cuz I'm wearing a lei.
(Hula Girl walks away)
Barney: It isn't funny if you explain the joke.
(Ted walks over to Barney)
Barney: Let's bail.
Ted: Oh, Barney, come on, I'm having fun. It's really great seeing these guys again.
Barney: Name one person you know at this party.
Ted: Well, there's ninja, back of horse. Where's front of horse? That guys a riot. Where is he?
Barney: OK, I'm leaving, but just know that this Victoria's Secret party is on a yacht. And what will be sticking to that yacht? The Barnacle. (points to self)
Ted: Really? That's the nickname now?
Barney: Yeah, the Barnacle.
Ted: The Barnacle.
Barney: That's it. Barnacle out. (Barney walks away)
Ted: Have fun, Barnacle.
LADIES ROOM
(Robin and Lily walk in towards sink area)
Robin: So, do you like Mike?
Lily: Do you like Mike?
Robin: Of course I do. Why?
Lily: It just doesn't seem like it. You won't share your food. You won't wear a costume.
Robin: Ah, Lily, you know me, I'm just not into all that couple-y stuff.
Lily: OK, I know that stuff looks dumb from the outside, but it's kinda the greatest thing in the world when you're a part of it. If you just give it a chance, you might like it.
Robin: Are you trying to get me to join a cult?
Lily: Robin, Mike likes you. If you don't start meeting him halfway, you're gonna lose him.
Robin: What?
Lily: Look, it's Halloween. Just put on the girlfriend costume for the night.
Robin: OK, what am I supposed to do? Buy him a giant teddy bear or something?
Lily: How about you start by sharing dessert.
Robin: I can share dessert. He better want the brownie sundae, but yeah, yeah, I can totally share.
(Robin and Lily walk out of the ladies room)
EXT. ROOFTOP
(Ted notices Barney at party wearing devil costume)
Ted: Barney. What, you're back?
Barney: That's right.
Ted: In a totally new costume.
Barney: Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume in case I strike out with the hottest girl at the party. That way I have a second chance to make a first impression.
Barney: What's with the face?
Ted: It's half you're pathetic, half I have to pee.
Barney: So go to the bathroom.
Ted: No, there's a huge line. I don't want to miss the Slutty Pumpkin.
Barney: So pee off the roof. Ooh, Ted, pee off the roof.
(Barney gets behind Ted's right shoulder, guy in angel costume comes up to Ted's left shoulder)
Angel Guy: Whoa, I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's people walking down there.
Barney: Come on, Ted, who are you going to listen to? Me or Mr. Goody-goody over there.
Angel Guy: Yeah, whatever. You guys got some weed?
BAR
(Robin is trying to take Marshall and Lily's picture so that it looks like Lily as a parrot is sitting on Marshall's shoulder)
Robin: A little to the left, Marshall. Lily, squat down.
Marshall: This is gonna be a slaughter. None of these other costumes even come close to ours.
Lily: Take the damn picture. (squawks)
Robin: Got it.
Marshall: I still think we should have won as Sonny and Cher. Maybe if I had worn that red dress. Ha! If I could turn back time.
(Marshall, Mike, Lily and Robin sit back down at booth)
Robin: Wow, this sundae looks so good I could eat the whole thing.
(Lily taps Robin on arm)
Robin: But, um, I would much rather share this small, one-scoop sundae with you, Mike.
Marshall: Apple tart, excellent choice, Lilypad.
Lily: Thanks, Marshmallow.
Robin: Well, let's dig in, Mi... Mi... Microwave Oven.
EXT. ROOFTOP
(Barney approaches Hula Girl)
Barney: Let me guess. Every guy has used the lei'd line on you tonight.
Hula Girl: You wouldn't believe.
Barney: I apologize for my gender. Let me make it up to you. Make you a drink.
Hula Girl: You certainly are a charming devil.
Barney: I'm also a horny devil. (pointing to horns on top of head) Yeah.
Hula Girl: No.
(Hula Girl walks away, Barney turn around to see Angel guy smirking at him)
Barney (to Angel Guy): Oh, go to hell.
BAR
(Robin and Mike, Lily and Marshall share desserts)
Mike: You know, if you guys like tiramisu we found this little Italian place...
Robin: No, you found it. I came with you. Go on.
Mike: I'm just saying we love tiramisu.
Robin: I cannot get enough of it.
Mike: We're crazy for this stuff.
Robin: I'm crazy and you're crazy for tiramisu.
Mike: We love tiramisu. Am I wrong in saying that.?
Robin: No, no, no, I mean it just sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it? We love tiramisu. Is it really a group activity, loving tiramisu? Right?
Marshall: So this Italian place? How's their cannoli?
Robin: See there, hungry.
(Robin grabs dessert from Mike)
Mike: Yeah, looks like we're both hungry.
(Mike reaches over for dessert)
Robin: Hey, is that Gary Oldman? (pointing behind Mike and Marshall)
Mike: Wait, where?
(Mike and Marshall turn around to look, Robin tries to scarf down the sundae)
Mike: I don't see...
(Mike turns back around to see Robin trying to eat the sundae as fast as she can, Robin looks up to see everyone looking at her)
Robin: Brain freeze.
EXT. ROOFTOP
(Barney and Ted talking)
Barney: OK Victoria's Secret party right now.
Ted: Nope.
Barney: Come on, I can't stand to watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween. The Slutty Pumpkin is not coming.
Ted: She might.
Barney: Oy.
Ted: Come on, Barney, this is not about the odds, this is about believing. This girl, she represents something to me, I don't know, hope.
Barney: Wow. I did not understand a word you just said. Lingerie models on a boat!
Ted: (shrugs) See ya.
Barney: No, see ya. (evil laughs, sparks something in his hands) Ow.
BAR
Robin: Wanna drink the melty part?
Mike: You know what, it's getting late. I think I'm gonna take off.
(Mike gets up to leave, Robin follows)
Robin: Hey, I thought we were gonna follow those bread crumbs back to my place, Hansel
Mike: Robin, I don't get the sense you like being with me.
Robin: I like being with you.
Mike: Not as much as you like being alone. You like eating your own food, sleeping in your own bed, doing your own crosswords.
Robin: Well, who uses ink? Sorry. OK, I'm a bit set in my ways. That doesn't mean that this won't work.
Mike: Actually, it kinda does.
Robin: Wait, are we breaking up?
Mike: We aren't breaking up. I'm breaking up with you.
(Mike walks away)
EXT. ROOFTOP
(Ted standing alone)
Future Ted VO: And then just when I was about to lose hope.
(Ted notices someone in a penguin costume)
(flashback to 4 years ago when Ted was telling Marshall and Lily about meeting the Slutty Pumpkin)
Ted: She spent a year in Antarctica studying penguins.
(Penguin pours kahlua and root beer into cup)
Future Ted VO: Kahlua, root beer, could this penguin be the Slutty Pumpkin?
(Ted walks over to Penguin)
Ted: Uh, excuse me, this is gonna sound crazy, but I met someone up on this roof four years ago and they mixed that cocktail and they loved penguins. By any chance, was that you? It's you. I was crazy but I can't...
(Penguin removes head to reveal Barney)
Barney: You are such a loser. Come on, I came back for you, Ted. I penguin-suited up to show you the error of your ways. And to score hula girl's number. Check and check.
Ted: Unbelievable.
Barney: Yes, it is.
(Hula Girl walks over and notices Barney in penguin costume)
Hula Girl: Wait a minute. You're that lame army guy.
Barney: What? No no, that's some other guy and he was a kick-ass fighter pilot
Hula Girl: I cannot believe I gave you my number
Barney: Yeah, well, you did, thanks.
Hula girl: Well, give it back.
Barney: Uh, I don't think so. I earned it fair and square. I'm calling you.
Hula Girl: But I'm never gonna go out with you.
Barney: But how will you know it's me? I'm a master of disguise. Yeah.
(Hula Girl sighs and walks away)
Ted: Nice.
Barney: Come on, Ted, Victoria's Secret party now. Let's go.
Ted: I'm staying.
Barney: Fine. Fine. (puts his flipper up towards Ted)
Ted: What are you doing?
Barney: I'm flippering you off.
BAR
(Lily, Marshall and Robin sitting at booth)
Lily: Sweetie, I'm so sorry.
Robin: Seriously it's not a big deal. He wanted to be a 'we,' and I wanted to be an 'I'. Dudes are such chicks. You guys, I'm fine.
Carl: Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. And the winners of this year's costume contest are Lily Aldrin as a parrot and Marshall Eriksen as a gay pirate.
Marshall: Oh yeah!
(Marshall and Lily get up from booth)
Marshall: Wait. What did he say?
Lily: Oh, who cares, Marshall? We won!
Marshall: Gay pirate, where are you getting that from?
Carl: Dude, you're wearing eye liner.
Marshall: OK, I just want everybody here to know that I'm not a gay pirate. I have s*x with my parrot all the time. That came out wrong. Oh yeah, it doesn't matter! We won!
Lily: I love you, Marshmallow.
Marshall: I love you too, Lilypad.
(Lily and Marshall kiss)
Robin: You guys, let me get a picture.
(Robin takes picture)
EXT. ROOFTOP
(Ted sitting as people leave Halloween party, Robin walks in)
Robin: I had a feeling I'd find you here.
Ted: Hey. If you're here for the Shagarats, you just missed the fourth encore.
Robin: I never played any team sports
Ted: Are we playing 'I never' cuz there's nothing left but peach schnapps.
Robin: I played tennis in high school. You know why? Because it was just me out there. I couldn't even stand playing doubles. I just got dumped.
Ted: Man, that sucks.
Robin: Yeah, it's OK. I wasn't that into him. Story of my life. Everyone else is all falling in love and acting stupid and goofy and sweet and insane, but not me. Why don't I want that more? I want to want that. Am I wired wrong or something?
Ted: No. Look, you didn't want to be with me so clearly you have abysmal taste in men.
(Robin laughs)
Ted: But you're wired just fine.
Robin: Well, what if I'm just a cold person? Tonight, Mike was willing to look like a complete idiot for me, but I couldn't be Gretel. Why can't I be Gretel?
Ted: Because you just haven't met the right Hansel yet. One day you're gonna meet a guy who's gonna make you want to look like a complete idiot.
Robin: Really?
Ted: Yeah, he's out there somewhere, just like the Slutty Pumpkin. (echoes) pumpkin-pumpkin...
Robin: How do you do this, Ted? How do you sit out here all night on the roof in the cold and still have faith your pumpkin's gonna show up.
Ted: Well, I'm pretty drunk. Look, I know that odds are the love of my life isn't going to magically walk through that door in a pumpkin costume at 2:43 in the morning but it seems as nice a spot as any to just, you know, sit and wait.
(Robin sits down by Ted and shares blanket)
Robin: Scoot. | Plan: A: the couples costume competition; Q: What are Marshall and Lily excited to participate in? A: their usual bar; Q: Where is the couples costume competition? A: their new relationship; Q: What does Robin's refusal to dress in a couple costume with her boyfriend put stress on? A: Ted; Q: Who makes his annual visit to the rooftop Halloween party in search of a girl that he met three years ago? Summary: Marshall and Lily are excited to participate in the couples costume competition at their usual bar. On the other hand, Robin's refusal to dress in a couple costume with her boyfriend puts stress on their new relationship. Meanwhile, Ted makes his annual visit to the rooftop Halloween party in search of a girl that he met three years ago. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
DAN: I had a fire at the diner. I lost everything. Please, Haley. I just need a little help.
HALEY: It's just for a night or two. You're gonna have to make other arrangements.
DAN: Of course.
QUINN: Clay, I'm worried.
CLAY: A lot of people sleepwalk.
QUINN: They don't get dressed, grab their phone, and go sleep in a park.
HALEY: I'm gonna go meet the guy that's gonna run red bedroom.
CHRIS: Well, well.
VICTORIA: Well, I've called the golf courses, the bars, and the strip clubs. I don't think your father's in town.
BROOKE: Daddy!
BROOKE: You're worried about the sound stage.
JULIAN: The movie that was going to rent our stage fell through. It's gonna work out, right?
BROOKE: It's gonna work out.
DAN: Hello, son.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke and Julian are in the bed. They slept.
BROOKE: Julian... Julian, wake up.
JULIAN: What's wrong, baby?
BROOKE: Nothing.
JULIAN: That's good.
BROOKE: Not good. The babies.
JULIAN: What about them?
BROOKE: They're not crying, and we're sleeping. They get up. Julian looks at the room.
JULIAN: They're gone... someone stole them!
BROOKE: Aah! Ooh! Victoria is with babies in the kitchen.
VICTORIA: Good morning!
BROOKE: Mom?
JULIAN: I must be dreaming. Quick, slap me.
(She slaps him)
JULIAN: Thank you. She's still here.
BROOKE: When did you get in? How did you get in?
VICTORIA: The key under the lawn gnome.
BROOKE: Does everybody know about the key under the lawn gnome?
JULIAN: Apparently, yes. Are the boys okay?
VICTORIA: Of course they're okay. I've done this before, you know.
BROOKE: Barely.
VICTORIA: There's coffee and pastries, and you don't see your father doing things like this.
BROOKE: Dad. I told him I'd meet him for breakfast.
VICTORIA: But we have breakfast here.
BROOKE: But we have business to discuss.
VICTORIA: What business?
JULIAN: Oh, my God. I love coffee cake.
BROOKE: He's gonna help me with Baker man.
JULIAN: Quiet babies, coffee cake... amazing!
VICTORIA: But we were gonna do the clothing line together.
BROOKE: Yes, mother. We were until you said no. Daddy said yes.
JULIAN: This is so good, Victoria.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan is upset Dan is in his house. He wants Haley's explications.
NATHAN: This is not good, Hales. I come home to find my father holding Lydia.
HALEY: I know. But he said his diner burned down, and we were standing in a church. What was I supposed to do?
NATHAN: Give him money.
HALEY: I offered him money. He said he didn't want our money. He needed a place to stay for a little while. Honey, I would love to have talked to you before I made this decision. But I couldn't. What do you want me to say? I'm... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
NATHAN: Don't... don't be sorry. One of the things I love about you is how caring you are. It just... just caught me by surprise. I suppose Jamie's thrilled.
HALEY: Yeah, he is. You know, I did tell Dan that if you said he has to go, he has to go. So...What do you think? He goes to Dan's room.
NATHAN: You have to go. Get dressed.
CHASE'S LOFT
The alarm ring off.
CHASE: Sorry, sweetness.
(Alex is not here)
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Alex plays guitar. Chris comes in.
CHRIS: You sure you want to re-record these guitar parts? Because once people find out Chris Keller played on your track... I'm just saying.
ALEX: What happened to you, anyway?
CHRIS: My therapist said I wasn't held enough as a child.
ALEX: Clearly, but that's not what I'm talking about. What happened to you as an artist?
CHRIS: What are you talking about? I had a song all over TV last year.
ALEX: What song?
CHRIS: "Toaster pastry, you look so good and yummy toaster pastry, get into my tummy "
ALEX: The toaster pastry song? That was you? I thought Quinn made that up.
CHRIS: That song pays my rent.
ALEX: But you were kind of a big deal.
CHRIS: Whoa. Chris Keller's still a big deal. I just...I just missed some opportunities back then. Took some things for granted. Sometimes I wish somebody would have talked to me.
TV SET
Millicent tells Jerry not to can talk to Mouth.
MILLICENT: Somebody's got to talk to him.
JERRY: The ratings are better than ever. They love the cooking segments, his restaurant reviews.
MILLICENT: Jerry, come on. You cannot make this about the show. We're talking about his health. I've tried discussing it with him, but I always chicken out. And he's getting worse.
JERRY: Okay. I'll do it.
MILLICENT: No, I'll do it. But if it goes poorly, I need you to back me up.
JERRY: Of course. Besides, we've both been there.
MILLICENT: Yeah.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Millie goes home. Mouth is here.
MILLICENT: Marvin? Honey?
MARVIN: I'm in here.
MILLICENT: Can I talk to you for a second?
(Marvin comes in and he is overweight)
MARVIN: Hi, baby.
MILLICENT: Hi.
MARVIN: Mwah. Whoop. Got a little Mayo on you there. So, what's up?
MILLICENT: Nothing.
POLICE POSTE
Quinn comes to pick up Clay.
QUINN: Clay.
CLAY: I'm okay.
QUINN: I was so worried.
CLAY: It's okay. I'm okay. I don't know what's happening to me.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Jamie help Haley to make the table. Nathan wants to make a surprise.
HALEY: Hey, Jamie. Uh, go get me the magazine in the living room.
JAMIE: Which one?
HALEY: Just the magazine off the coffee table.
JAMIE: Why?
HALEY: What?
JAMIE: Why do you need it?
HALEY: Dude, just get me the magazine.
JAMIE: Okay. Fine.
(Nathan catches up)
NATHAN: Don't talk to strangers. Oh! Got you, didn't I?
JAMIE: Yeah.
NATHAN: I missed you, boy.
JAMIE: I missed you, too.
NATHAN: Whoa. Where you going?
JAMIE: I have to get this to mom. She has to have it for some reason.
NATHAN: Okay, Jamie. I was thinking you might want to hang out with me today. Maybe we can go shoot some hoops, go out to see Clay or something.
JAMIE: Okay. And, by the way, thanks for letting grandpa Dan stay. It's pretty awesome. Mom, you didn't set a place for grandpa. mmm.
Dan breakfasts with the rest of the family.
DAN: Amazing breakfast, Haley.
JAMIE: Better than at your diner?
DAN: Well, I don't know about that.
JAMIE: So, grandpa, I thought maybe one of these nights we could go camp out in the backyard. I could set up my tent and everything.
DAN: Actually, Jamie, I may be leaving tonight.
JAMIE: Why?
DAN: Well, the insurance people have arranged a place for me to stay in town.
JAMIE: But you have a place to stay right here. They can't make you leave, can they?
DAN: I'm afraid they can.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Julian eat all Victoria's cake. Victoria is upset.
JULIAN: Mmm. This coffee cake was really good.
VICTORIA: A fashion line with her father.
JULIAN: I'm sure she would love to have you involved.
VICTORIA: I know he's doing this on purpose. I can just see that stupid, smug face of his smoking one of those disgusting cigars and laughing that despicable laugh.
JULIAN: You guys really loved each other.
VICTORIA: You watch it. How come when you thought I was a threat to Brooke's happiness, you gave me this big talk about being good to her and when Ted's in the picture, you just sit there with that ridiculous haircut, eating bacon and cracking wise?
JULIAN: What's wrong with my haircut?
VICTORIA: How come he gets a free pass?
JULIAN: He doesn't get a free pass. I just want Brooke to be happy. And right now she's happy because her father's back in her life.
VICTORIA: He's up to something. You'll see.
JULIAN: Maybe he's not. Maybe it's all in your head.
HOSPITAL
Clay sees a doctor.
CLAY: You're saying it's all in my head?
D.HUDSON: Not definitively. But all your tests look fine. Have you ever seen a psychiatrist?
CLAY: So, you don't think there's anything actually wrong with me?
QUINN: Clay, she's just trying to help.
CLAY: A long time ago, I saw a psychiatrist.
D.HUDSON: Can I ask why?
CLAY: My wife passed away, and my doctor thought it would help to talk to someone.
D.HUDSON: And did it?
CLAY: No. Not really. You know, that was a long time ago. I don't think that's what's affecting me. I just need to sleep better. So isn't there some kind of treatment or prescription you can recommend?
QUINN: Why did you suggest a psychiatrist, Dr. Hudson?
D.HUDSON: Well, historically, many sleep disorders are triggered by something psychological.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Clay doesn't want to see a psychiatrist.
QUINN: Why wouldn't you?
CLAY: Cause it's weird.
QUINN: It's not weird. It might help.
CLAY: And it might not.
QUINN: Clay, if seeing a psychiatrist is going to help you, then go see a psychiatrist. Why are you being so stubborn?
CLAY: How am I being stubborn?
QUINN: You didn't even want to go to the doctor. You said you were fine. Then I wake up, and you're nowhere to be found. And this isn't getting better. Do you understand what this feels like?
CLAY: How would you like to be the one wandering around the countryside?
QUINN: I wouldn't want to be. But if I was and seeing a psychiatrist could stop it, then I would go in a second. I think it's terrible what's happening to you. But this is happening to me, too. I feel so panicked because you're out there and you're not yourself. And I'm worried that someone is going to hurt you or something bad is going to happen to you.
CLAY: I know. But just let me try this new medication, and let's see what happens. I have an agency to run. I have to go to Europe now that Nate's back. I know that this is our problem. It's not just mine. But I have a life to live.
QUINN: And what about tonight? What if it happens again?
CLAY: I don't know. We'll handcuff me to the bed.
QUINN: Clay...
CLAY: I'm serious. You know, why not? It might be fun.
TV SET
The show is going to start. Millicent couldn't talks with Mouth about weight issues.
MILLICENT: I couldn't do it.
JERRY: You didn't talk to him?
MILLICENT: I didn't know how. It's not an easy subject to just bring up.
JERRY: What's the problem? You just say, "I think you're really plumping up there, jumbo."
MILLICENT: You better not say it like that.
JERRY: Me?
MILLICENT: Yes. You.
JERRY: Fine. I will talk to him.
MILLICENT: Good. Here he comes.
MARVIN: Hey.
MILLICENT: Hey, honey.
MARVIN: What's up, Jerry?
JERRY: Have a good show.
MARVIN: Thanks.
CHASE'S LOFT
Chuck is with Chase in his loft. They talks about Chris.
CHUCK: So, who's that guy who told Alex her song's no good?
CHASE: Crappy. He said it was crappy. His name's Chris Keller.
CHUCK: Oh. I read about that guy. He dates a lot of girls. You should probably be worried.
CHASE: Dude, shut up. Besides, things are great with me and Alex.
CHUCK: Too bad she doesn't have a little sister so we could double date. How old is her mom, do you think?
CHASE: How would you like to go on a little covert mission with me today?
CHUCK: Cool. Like what?
CHASE: Like steal Alex's room key from her purse at red bedroom records and then move all her stuff over here.
CHUCK: Why?
CHASE: So she could move in.
CHUCK: You're asking Alex to move in? What about me?
CHASE: You have a house, Chuck.
CHUCK: But still, let me move in.
CHASE: Chuck, I'm asking Alex to move in with me because she's my girlfriend and because I love her.
CHUCK: You do?
CHASE: Yeah. I do.
CHUCK: Gross. Or cool. I don't know.
CHASE: So, what do you think? You want to help me?
CHUCK: And mess with that creep Chris Keller? Definitely.
CHASE: Attaboy. Let's go.
RESTAURANT
Brooke waits her dad. He is late. She calls her.
BROOKE(at phone): Hi, daddy. It's me again. I'm just wondering where you are. Call me.
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Alex works with Chris.
CHRIS: Are you ready to do background vocals?
ALEX: Yes.
CHRIS: Cool. Chuck and Chase arrive.
CHUCK: Is that Chris Keller?
CHASE: That's him.
CHUCK: What a tool. I'm gonna Chuck that guy right in the goods.
(Alex sees them)
ALEX: Hey.
CHASE: Okay, here we go. You distract them, and I'll get her key. And be cool. Hey! Chuck wanted to see the studio again. You mind?
ALEX: Um, we're kind of busy right now.
CHASE: Great. He's coming in.
CHUCK: Watch me give this guy the business. Cool!
Chase looks at Alex's keys in her purse. Alex surprises him.
CHASE: All right. Come on, come on, come on. Yes.
ALEX: Hey.
CHASE: Hey. Hey.
ALEX: What you doing with my purse?
CHASE: Uh, oh. I...Needed some money. You know, so I could buy you...A...Present.
ALEX: With my own money?
CHASE: Yeah. Sorry.
ALEX: Okay. Uh, that's fine. I guess I will see you and the present that I'm buying myself later?
CHASE: Definitely. Mm-hmm. Just, uh, come over when you're done.
ALEX: Okay. Okay.
CHASE: Thanks for the money... Honey. Uh-huh. Chase picks up Chuck. He sings with Chris.
CHUCK: Awesome, Chris Keller.
CHASE: Chuck... Let's go.
CHUCK: No, thanks. Chris said I could stay.
CHASE: Chuck. T...
CHUCK: all right. Fine. See you later, Chris Keller.
CHRIS: See ya, buddy.
CHASE: You really gave him the business.
CHUCK: Chris Keller called me "buddy"!
RESTAURANT
Ted comes in finally.
TED: There's my cookie.
BROOKE: Daddy, your cookie's overbaked. I've been waiting forever.
TED: Sorry, angel. I found my way to our old country club, and I couldn't resist.
BROOKE: Golfing or drinking?
TED: A little bit of both. But here's the good news. While you were sitting here sunning yourself, your old man was schmoozing an old friend who wants to invest in Brooke Davis.
BROOKE: What old friend?
TED: Just some guy I know. He said he read somewhere that high-end baby clothes are gonna be the next big thing, and I told him they will be if my talented daughter's designing them. Bet your mother's hooves never moved that fast.
BROOKE: Dad, how would you feel if we included mom?
TED: You know, I think your mother had her chance... And she betrayed your trust. This is our turn. But, honey, we're gonna do it right.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Nathan finds Clay has problem's health.
NATHAN: You woke up in the park?
JAMIE: Cool!
CLAY: Thanks a lot.
QUINN: He needed to know.
NATHAN: Dude, you need to see a doctor.
CLAY: I saw a doctor. Everything's gonna be fine.
NATHAN: Well, until it is, you can't go to Europe.
QUINN: That's what I said.
CLAY: It's only happened a couple of times.
QUINN: Four.
CLAY: And it only happens at night.
JAMIE: It's like you're a werewolf.
CLAY: I have a plan. All right? Until the medication fixes it, I go to Europe. During the day, I scout, and at night, I'll handcuff myself to the bed.
JAMIE: It's totally like you're a werewolf.
NATHAN: Your plan sucks, wolfy.
QUINN: That's what I said.
CLAY: Nate, you've been traveling a lot. You have a family. You also have a partner in this company that needs to pull his own weight.
NATHAN: And you have a partner in this company who can help you when you're not at your best, which clearly you're not.
QUINN: That's what I... I said that, too.
NATHAN: You need to get well, Clay. That's it.
CLAY: So, what, you're gonna go to Europe? Try selling that to Haley.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan announces Haley to he has to go in Europe.
NATHAN: I got to go to Europe.
HALEY: I thought Clay was going.
NATHAN: I know, but apparently Clay...
JAMIE: Clay's a werewolf.
NATHAN: Clay's a werewolf.
HALEY: What? Nathan, you just got home.
NATHAN: I know. And you have every right to say that. But...It turns out Clay has some kind of sleeping disorder. And he's been waking up all over town. Quinn found him in a park the other day, and the police picked him up last night.
HALEY: Oh. That's bad.
NATHAN: Yeah, his plan was to go to Europe and handcuff himself to the bed at night.
HALEY: That was his plan?
NATHAN: Exactly. I know I've been gone way too much, but I am his business partner, Haley, and the company is called fortitude.
HALEY: Stupid name.
NATHAN: Look... There's a showcase for international talent. All the best players are gonna be there, and one of us has to go. I go for a week or so. Clay gets better. And then I get to be home for the rest of the year, no matter what.
HALEY: Rrrr! All right. You can go to Europe on one condition... take me with you and handcuff me to the bed.
NATHAN: I wish.
HALEY: You do wish. I wish, too.
NATHAN: I'm sorry. I love you, and I'm not gonna be gone forever.
HALEY: What do you want to do about Dan?
NATHAN: Dan has to go.
(Dan hears that)
ALEX'S HOTELROOM
Chase takes Alex's clothes.
CHASE: John, are you gonna help me or what?
CHUCK: Think this looks like Chris Keller's hair?
CHASE: Aw, come on. You realize he's in the studio with my girlfriend right now.
CHUCK: Yeah. I know. Sucks for you. That guy's so cool, any girl would fall for him.
CHASE: Just help me carry this stuff to the car, bonehead.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan and Jamie plays basketball in the ground.
NATHAN: Good shot.
JAMIE: I think it's good what you're doing for Clay, dad.
NATHAN: Thanks, buddy. Clay just needs to get better.
JAMIE: Yeah. I just wish you didn't have to leave so soon, though.
NATHAN: Yeah. Me too. Nice shot.
JAMIE: Good thing grandpa Dan's here to help us out.
NATHAN: I know you like having grandpa Dan around, Jamie, but he's probably gonna have to leave, too.
JAMIE: Because you won't let him stay, huh? I know he said that stuff about insurance, but I just figured you wouldn't let him stay. And I wish you would. Haley is near the swimming pool. Dan joins her.
DAN: Haley, I just wanted to say thanks again for taking me in.
HALEY: Thank you.
DAN: I assume that it caused some conflict between you and Nathan. I know you're smart enough to know that it was going to in advance... So thank you.
HALEY: Dan, not a day goes by that I don't miss Keith or hate you for what you did to him... And to Nathan and to our entire family. I have no sympathy for you. But if there is such a thing as rehabilitation or forgiveness, then I believe a person should have the opportunity to prove that they've changed. That's why you're here.
TV SET
Millicent and Mouth makes their show.
MILLICENT: So, once your rum ignites, you wait for the flames to subside. Then you scoop your ice cream into a bowl. And then you top it with your sauce.
MOUTH: And then you eat it, the whole thing, and you definitely don't share.
(He eats)
SOUND STAGE
Brooke comes to see Julian. He paints.
JULIAN: hey, baby. How was your meeting?
BROOKE: Awesome. My dad thinks he might have an investor for the company.
JULIAN: Wow. That was fast. How would he like to invest in a failing sound stage, too?
BROOKE: It isn't failing. It's just starting out.
JULIAN: Well, I'm happy for you. And it's gonna make your mom insane.
BROOKE: Yeah. Probably so.
JULIAN: No, not probably. Definitely. She spent the entire morning raking your dad over the coals and trying to recruit me.
BROOKE: Like, what did she say?
JULIAN: She said it was irresponsible of me to trust him with you and that I should be trying to break you two up.
BROOKE: Is that right?
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke comes home angering with Victoria.
BROOKE: Are you really so threatened that my well-being means nothing to you?
VICTORIA: You sound upset.
BROOKE: I am upset.
VICTORIA: Well, good. That makes two of us.
BROOKE: What do you have to be upset about?
VICTORIA: Well, I'm not getting any younger. I'm not having any s*x. And my conniving ex-husband comes into town to steal my daughter and my daughter's fashion line from me.
BROOKE: First of all, ew. Second of all, daddy didn't steal anything. You said no, mom.
VICTORIA: I said, "not yet." And really? Daddy? When has he ever been a father to you?
BROOKE: People change, mother.
VICTORIA: Not him. And why do you need his approval or his affection anyway?
BROOKE: Because he's my father.
VICTORIA: And a poor excuse for one at that. And yet you completely disregard my feelings in some desperate attempt to get him to love you... More. Get him to love you more.
BROOKE: Okay. Do you understand how ridiculous it is that I have to make clothes to get my parents' attention?
VICTORIA: Brooke...
BROOKE: That unless I spin the straw into gold or attract investors, you two chime in on holidays at best? Yet I still do it. Why? Because I have some insane notion that someday the clothes are gonna bring us closer and that maybe, just maybe, my parents will actually want to spend time with me.
VICTORIA: You're right. You're right. You should be able to do whatever you like with your father. And I should be able to wish you the best and hope that it brings every great happiness. But I can't.
VICTORIA: Mom... Mom!
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Alex's song is over.
ALEX: Okay, as much as I hate to say it...and, trust me, I really hate to say it... you were right.
CHRIS: Of course I was right. And that song's a hit with a little bit of radio, some luck, and a lot of touring.
ALEX: I'm gonna take the luck and the radio.
CHRIS: It's not enough. You got to tour. You got to go from east coast to west coast. You play every night, and, girl, you turn around and do it again. But here's the good news. There's an opening slot on a great tour, and I can get it for you.
ALEX: Um, hello? I have a boyfriend here, and I'm mixing my album.
CHRIS: I can mix the record. And this tour is more important than your boyfriend.
ALEX: Don't say that. And, besides, if it's so great, then why don't you take the tour?
CHRIS: Pbht! Chris Keller doesn't open. Chris Keller headlines.
ALEX: Yeah. The toaster pastry tour. Sorry.
CHRIS: No. That's fair. Look, you asked me what happened to my career, and I told you I made some mistakes. Most of them had to do with not realizing the opportunities I had... Not being smart enough to understand how fragile they were. This tour is one of those opportunities for you. The younger version of me might have passed. This version wouldn't.
SOUND STAGE
Alex visits Julian. She needs to advices.
ALEX: Don't you need some actors or maybe a writer?
JULIAN: I had both of those things, and she wanted to be a musician... And a good one. Hi.
ALEX: Hi.
JULIAN: So, tell me you came to rent out my sound stage.
ALEX: Oh. I wish. I just need some advice.
JULIAN: Great. It's free when you rent out my sound stage. All right. What's up?
ALEX: I have the chance to go on a tour, but the last time I left town, I almost lost chase.
JULIAN: But you guys are in better place now.
ALEX: We are, but... Don't you miss it? Being in a new city and telling stories and playing dress-up and just being a part of it all?
JULIAN: Yeah, I do. But I have a family now, Alex. And I want to be around to watch them grow. But I get it. You know, what we do is like running away and joining the circus, and for a lot of us, it's hard to give that up.
ALEX: I'm such a gypsy. I love roaming about and living out of a suitcase.
JULIAN: So, maybe chase will understand that. If not, one of you is gonna have to change.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Millicent is ready to run. She asks Mouth to join her.
MILLICENT: Hey, I'm going for a run. Do you want to go?
MOUTH: Oh, no, thanks. I think I'm just gonna watch the game.
MILLICENT: How about you record it and spend some time with me?
MOUTH: Yeah, I'm just kind of tired. But I got a spot right here on the couch for you when you're done.
MILLICENT: Okay, well, don't give that spot away. I'll be back in a bit.
MOUTH: I'll be here.
CHASE'S LOFT
Chase puts Alex's clothes in his closet.
CHUCK: You know, if Alex were a guy, we would have been done hours ago.
CHASE: If Alex was a guy, she would not be moving in with me.
CHUCK: I'm just saying. What is all this stuff?
CHASE: It's girl stuff, Chuck.
CHUCK: I know. But why? I mean, my mom has all this crap, too. But what do guys have? Clothes and soap. Geez.
CHASE: One of these days you'll appreciate the effort girls make.
CHUCK: Whatever. I don't know if girls like me that much. I mean, I try to be nice to them. But they always make me seem like a dork.
CHASE: Well, that part never changes. But don't worry about it. Just be yourself and be nice, and at some point, hmm, probably right after a terrible breakup when you're absolutely not looking for a girlfriend, you'll meet the right girl.
CHUCK: Wonder if Chris Keller has a girlfriend.
CHASE: Mm, I'm not sure Chris Keller is the girlfriend type.
CHUCK: What's that supposed to mean?
CHASE: It means, have you seen his hair?
CHUCK: My mom's magazines say that Chris Keller can have any girl he wants. But he probably just rolls solo like me.
CHASE: You know, you were supposed to put him in his place.
CHUCK: Well, yeah. That was before Chuck Skolnick knew how cool Chris Keller really was.
CHASE: Really? Third person?
CHUCK: I'm just trying it out.
CHASE: Well, don't. Your new pal Chris called my girlfriend's song "crappy."
CHUCK: He liked my song. Maybe her song is crappy.
CHASE: Dude, I'm about to banish you.
CHUCK: What? Chuck Skolnick tells it like it is.
CHASE: Hey, stop it with the third person!
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan is ready to go in Europe.
NATHAN: Should be a week or so. Got a couple meetings and that showcase in Belgrade, and then I'll be back.
HALEY: And are you gonna talk to Dan?
NATHAN: I'm about to. That should be fun.
HALEY: I should have talked to you.
NATHAN: That's fine. It's just Dan Scott sleeping in my guest room. How much worse can it get?
(Someone pushes on ring-bell)
NATHAN: Why do I say these things?
CHRIS: Well, well... Nathan Scott.
NATHAN: Chris Keller. What are you doing here?
CHRIS: I run red bedroom records. Didn't Haley tell you?
NATHAN: Apparently my wife no longer tells me things.
HALEY: It was...
CHRIS: Quiet. Discreet. I like it.
HALEY: Don't come in. What do you want?
CHRIS: Um, I heard Nathan was leaving.
HALEY: How did you hear Nathan was leaving?
CHRIS: Your sister told Alex, who told me. Anyway, I just came by to say if you need anything while Nathan's gone... and I mean anything... you just let old Chris Keller know. H-Haley, I really have changed.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Clay is near the swimming pool, Quinn joins him.
QUINN: Hi, handsome.
CLAY: Hey.
QUINN: What you thinking?
CLAY: Just feeling sorry for myself. I was in such a dark place after Sara died. And then we're in the hospital and rehab. I just want things to be normal. I want to close my eyes to you, wake up to you, and live our lives together.
QUINN: There's nothing I want more than that. And maybe a psychiatrist can get us there.
CLAY: Yeah. But I'm hoping this new medication does the trick, because if it's physical, I'm sick. But if it's in my head, I'm just crazy.
QUINN: You're not crazy.
CLAY: Well...
QUINN: Maybe you're a little crazy, but I still love you. And I always will.
CHASE'S LOFT
Alex comes in.
CHASE: Hi.
ALEX: What's my surprise?
CHASE: What, no "hello" first?
ALEX: Hi. What's my surprise?
CHASE: Okay. Come with me.
(He shows his closet with Alex's clothes)
CHASE: Ta-da!
ALEX: You used my money to buy my own clothes?
CHASE: I wasn't taking your money. I was taking your room key.
ALEX: Why?
CHASE: I want you to live here... With me.
ALEX: What?
CHASE: Chuck helped me move all your stuff in today. Check it out. Glasses are on the end table. Your blue sky picture's here. And all the stuff you don't need to look beautiful is here, too. Now, I know it seems like a big step, but I think it's the right step because I love you... Alice whitehead.
Alex and chase had s*x. They talk now.
ALEX: When you think about your life, like, the life you want to have someday, what do you see?
CHASE: This.
ALEX: And this makes you happy?
CHASE: Yeah.
ALEX: Mm.
CHASE: You?
ALEX: Yeah.
CHASE: It's okay.
ALEX: What?
CHASE: That you didn't say "I love you" back. I gave you the key, showed you all your stuff, and said, "I love you." And you didn't say it back. And that's okay.
ALEX: You caught me off guard.
CHASE: I know.
ALEX: It was a lot to process.
CHASE: I know. That's why I said it's okay.
ALEX: You love me.
CHASE: Mm, who says?
ALEX: You said it. You said, "I love you, Alice whitehead."
CHASE: If you keep teasing me, I'm taking it back.
ALEX: Hey. First of all, mean. Second of all, you can't take it back. No takey backsies.
CHASE: "No takey backsies"?
ALEX: Yes. I don't know much, Chase Adams, but I do know that once those words are said, you can't take them back.
CHASE: That's fine. I meant what I said, anyway.
ALEX: Do you really think I don't love you?
CHASE: Uh, I think that we haven't been together that long. And I think...
ALEX: Because I do. I love you, chase Adams.
CHASE: Good. No takey backsies. Say it again.
ALEX: I love you. You know that?
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Julian plays with twins in their room. Brooke sees them.
BROOKE: I love you. You know that?
JULIAN: I'll take it, but why am I getting it?
BROOKE: 'Cause you deal with the madness of your family and the madness of my family and me, and you just roll with it. And because you won't make our kids start a fashion line just to spend time with you.
JULIAN: Fashion line? No way. Both these guys are gonna play for the Dodgers, and then maybe my dad will finally love me. Right?
BROOKE: Can you say "baseball"?
RESTAURANT
Ted lunches, Victoria joins him.
TED: I think I'll have the fish. On second thought, I just lost my appetite. Bring me a double Martini and shot of Botox for my guest.
VICTORIA: And whatever you have for erectile dysfunction. He needs that, too.
TED: Speaking of erectile dysfunction, hi, Vicky.
VICTORIA: I'm gonna tell you something, and for the first time in your life, I want you to listen to it and agree to it.
TED: Yeah, fine. I'll rock your world one more time.
VICTORIA: Whatever you're doing with this company and for whatever reasons, I want you to remember that your daughter loves you desperately and desperately needs you to love her back.
TED: She told me she came to you first. We might be able to cut you in. I was thinking I might need an assistant.
VICTORIA: Make your jokes, Ted. Wallow in the fact that you think you've taken something from me. But do not... do not... break your daughter's heart, or so help me God, you won't be rocking anyone's world. You'll have nothing left to rock it with.
TED: My God, you're sexy when you're all fired up.
VICTORIA: My God, I was an idiot when I married you.
CHASE'S LOFT
Alex looks at her stuff in the loft.
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Chris is singing. Alex comes in.
CHRIS: Hey. I thought you left.
ALEX: I want to take that tour.
PHARMACY
Clay waits his prescription but he finally goes away.
DOCTOR: Clay Evans? Mr. Evans, your prescription's ready. Mr. Evans?
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Chris is singing.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan says goodbye to Lydia before he leaves.
NATHAN: Hey, you got to stop getting so big until I get back, okay? And absolutely no walking yet. All right.
HALEY: Jamie's downstairs with Dan.
NATHAN: Everything okay?
HALEY: I don't know what to do. I used to see Keith every day. And I loved him. But Dan saved our son's life, and he protected you from Renee. And he's your father.
NATHAN: You saw Keith every day. I lived with Dan every day. I'll see you soon.
HALEY: Okay. Be safe.
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Chris is singing.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Dan plays carts with Jamie. Nathan wants to say goodbye to Jamie.
DAN: I got a pair of 5s, ace kicker.
JAMIE: Full house.
DAN: Ugh!
NATHAN: Jamie, I got to go.
JAMIE: Okay.
NATHAN: Be good while I'm gone, all right?
JAMIE: I will. I love you, dad.
NATHAN: I love you, too, son. (to Dan) Can I speak with you outside for a second? Nathan is ready to go. He talks with Dan before.
NATHAN: I'm sorry for what happened to your diner. All right, and I appreciate the way you've been with my wife and my family, but when I come back, you need to be gone. So figure it out. Make your plans and go. You understand?
DAN: I understand.
NATHAN: All right.
(Nathan gets in the car. Jamie goes out)
JAMIE: Grandpa Dan. I was worried. I thought maybe you were leaving, too.
DAN: Don't worry, Jamie. I'm not going anywhere.
(The car goes away)
End of the episode. | Plan: A: Brooke; Q: Who discusses a new business venture with her father? A: her mothers; Q: Whose wishes does Brooke ignore when discussing a new business venture? A: Julian; Q: Who is stressed about his investment in a sound studio? A: Quinn convinces Clay; Q: Who convinces Clay to get help? A: Millie; Q: Who struggles to be honest with Mouth about his weight gain? A: Chase; Q: Who asks Alex to move in with him? A: Chris Keller; Q: Who offers Alex a tour? A: Nathan volunteers; Q: Who volunteers to scout in Europe? A: Dan; Q: Who is left with Haley, Jamie, and Lydia? A: Dead Man's Bones; Q: What band is the episode named after? Summary: Brooke discusses a new business venture with her father, despite her mothers wishes, as Julian stresses about his own investment in a sound studio. Quinn convinces Clay to get help, and Millie struggles to be honest with Mouth about his weight gain. Meanwhile, Chase asks Alex to move in with him as Chris Keller makes Alex an offer she may not be able to refuse to tour. Nathan volunteers to scout in Europe, leaving Dan with Haley, Jamie, and Lydia. This episode is named after a song by Dead Man's Bones . |
This hospital is hemorrhaging money because you spent $2 million to put a helicopter on the roof.
Sy: In all fairness, where was I gonna put it? In the basement?
[ Laughs ]
I'd say "Keep your day job," but I'm firing you from it.
Sy: No, please. Just give me another chance. A little more time, I can turn this hospital around. One year. One more year, starting in... 10...9...8... Better get going.
[SCENE_BREAK]
All: 4...3...2...1... Happy new year!
[ All cheering ]
Owen: Lola, my new year's resolution is to get you to go out with me, and you can't say no.
Lola: No.
Owen: You can't --
Glenn: How's the new boyfriend, Cat?
Cat: Who -- Johnny?
Oh, I had to dump him. He sold all my rollerblades for drugs. You know, weed?
Glenn: No, I do not know weed, but I do know Dr. Joe's famous cake lollipops. I mean, these things are addictive!
Cat: Mmm!
Dr. Joe: You know what else is addictive?
Glenn: What's that?
Dr. Joe: Love.
Glenn: Love.
Dr. Joe: Just ask Robert Palmer.
Glenn: Hey, don't laugh. I actually could. Bobby Palmer's a friend.
Blake: Oops. [ Laughs ]
Dori: Oh! [ Laughs ]
Blake: That was a little intimate, huh, Dori?
Dori: No worries, Dr. Downs. I don't think I can get pregnant from that.
[ Both laugh ]
Sy: Come on, Sy -- think!
You've got to save this hospital.
Owen: I got to do a lot of traveling last year -- lots. Yeah, I'd love to do some more traveling this year. If there's one thing I love, it's tourism.
Dori: You want to make some real money, stock trading is a real moneymaker.
Cat: She said, "The only thing faster than a taxi is a helicopter."
Owen: Tourism.
Dori: Moneymaker. Cahelicopter.
Owen: Tourism.
Dori: Moneymaker. Cahelicopter.
Owen: Tourism.
Dori: Moneymaker.
Cat: Helicopter.
Owen: Tourism... Dori: Is a moneymaker...
Cat: With a helicopter.
Sy: That's it! I'll rip all of my DVDs on a new hard drive. That'll free up shelf space.
Glenn: Hey, Sy. You ever think about making the hospital extra money by using the helicopter for tourists and commuters?
Sy: That'll work, too!
Glenn: [ Laughing ] Hey!
Owen: Happy Valentine's day, Lola. Imagine these cups are our privates, filled with hot liquid, clinking together.
Lola: No.
Dr. Joe: Lollicakes for lovers. Anybody want?
Glenn: Oh-ho, Dr. Joe. You make this saving-life crap worthwhile. This guy's a master baker! Excuse me. Excuse me. Is this where I get the helicopter to downtown?
Owen: Uh...
Sy: Uh, sir? Yes, it is. Yes, it is. You must have read our ad. Please, follow me to the roof.
Cat: I mean, I'm just so confused, because Kevin wants to take me out for Valentine's day, but I've been feeling weird about him ever since he stabbed me and my swim teacher. What should I do?
Lola: I say, move on dot org.
Blake: Well, Dori, that was a little intimate.
Dori: No worries, Dr. Downs. I don't think I'll get pregnant from that.
[ Both laugh ]
Glenn: Hey, kids!
It's the bunny of easter!
Dr. Joe: Eh, what's up, doc? What's up, nurses?
Glenn: ♪ lollicakes ♪ ♪ I love 'em ♪
Owen: Hear me out. Why don't you just let me fertilize your easter eggs?
Lola: No! No!
Cat: Dr. Joe, I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Elvis. He's a stockbroker. We're really in love. We're going to my mom's for easter.
Dr. Joe: Oh, that's terrific! I was worried you were somehow only attracted to criminals, with your dad being in prison and all.
Cat: Oh. [ Laughs ]
Blake: Hey, Dori. I just gave the kid in room 3 an extra dose of pitocin. Will you check on him, call me if he has a reaction?
Dori: No problem. Oh, and also, Dr. Downs, I don't know if you remember what happened in the closet three weeks ago.
Blake: Let me guess -- you're pregnant?
Dori: Yeah. I'm sorry.
Blake: That's fine. It's fine. It's just, you know, that I make a lot of money and I play a lot of golf and I own a lot of cufflinks, and you're, you know... I mean, you get it.
Dori: I get it -- totally.
Blake: But I will pay for the child support and the education.
Dori: Okay.
Blake: What do you say?
Dori: Cool.
Blake: Okay? Great. Just remember to check on the kid in room 3.
Dori: Okay.
Blake: Thanks.
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
Sy: Welcome back, folks.
How was your tour of downtown? Perfect mother's day gift.
Sy: Ah!
Owen: [ Grunts ] Lot of baggage, which is something I would never bring to a sexual relationship.
Lola: Owen, still no.
Dr. Joe: Hey, everyone! I whipped up some special red, white, and blue lollicakes.
Glenn: Oh, so good! But why red, white, and blue for mother's day?
Dr. Joe: Mm. Happy 4th of July, everyone! I had these left over from mother's day.
Glenn: [ Laughs ] Now, that makes more sense. 4th of July. Mmm! Even stale, they're delicious!
Owen: Ooh. These are my favorite.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lola --
Lola: The answer is no.
Dr. Joe: Oh, hi, Cat.
Cat: Oh, hey.
Dr. Joe: How's your stockbroker boyfriend?
Cat: Turns out he wasn't a stockbroker. He was a full-time rapist.
Dr. Joe: Ouch!
Cat: I know. Thanks so much for asking. Sometimes I think of you as, like, a father, but, of course, not in prison, like my real dad.
Dr. Joe: Aw. I'm touched. I've run many prisons.
Cat: Hmm?
Dr. Joe: And I should in one, but I'm not in one at the moment.
[ Both laughing ]
My son's been throwing up all night.
Dori: Okay, fill out these forms, please. We're on a 3:30 flight to Phoenix.
Dori: Okay, boarding pass, I.D...
Blake: Dori, file these, please. And tell me when the baby comes out, okay? So I can give you a check or whatever.
Dori: Okay, will do. Okay, you are all set. Gate 1, upstairs. Is he allergic to any medications?
Glenn: [ Sighs ] I am having a summertime love affair with you, miss Thang.
[ Laughs ]
Dr. Glenn Richie?
Glenn: Can I help you? The question is, can you help me? My name is Elliot Leizman, and I'm with the Simon Wiesenthal Center. My job's to track down Nazi war criminals who are believed to be in hiding here in Brazil.
Glenn: Which, of course, as we both know, is where we are -- Brazil. Number 1 on our list is Dr. Josef Mengele, the notorious madman who performed unspeakable experiments during the war. He was presumed dead in '79, but till I see a body, I'll search every doctor's office, hospital, and medical lab this side of the Panama canal. So, you asked if you can help me, but I'm asking you, Dr. Richie, can you help me?
Glenn: [ Gasps ] I've never seen this man before in my entire life. Let me know if you do.
Glenn: Say it ain't so, Dr. Joe. Say it ain't so.
Dori: Dr. Richie?
Glenn: Huh?
Dori: Could you sign this, please?
Glenn: Oh, sure.
Dori: Thanks. ♪ We were young ♪ Hey, Dr. Richie. Why don't you come to the beach with us, Glenn?
Glenn: Why don't you go to hell?
♪ But our season's gone and come ♪ ♪ brother, summer, summer ♪ ♪ turn the page now, it's September ♪
Hey, Dr. Richie. Come to the football game.
Glenn: I thought I told you to go to hell. ♪ Game is over ♪
Dori: Dr. Richie, could you sign this form for me -- ♪ Toss your folder ♪
Owen: The horn of plenty is a native American --
Lola: No! ♪ Better bundle up... ♪
Sal: Attention, hospital staff. It's autumn, which means "to-mah-to" season. ♪ Gonna be a cold October ♪
Sy: Sir, barring anything hugely unexpected, we should be in the black in months.
♪ Make me scream ♪ ♪ the horror and mayhem, I can't describe ♪ ♪ imagine mummies, caskets, too ♪ ♪ bats and owls that go, "Hoo, Hoo!" ♪ ♪ graveyards full of tombstones and ghouls ♪
[ Laughs evilly ]
Glenn: Hey, hey, hey!
Great costume. Bobby P.'s a friend.
Owen: That is a great Howard stern.
Glenn: Oh, thanks.
Blake: Dr. Joe, where'd you learn how to bake like this?
Dr. Joe: Oh, I picked up a lot of stuff in the army -- decades ago. It's about experimenting.
Blake: Well, you can experiment on me anytime.
[ Laughter ]
Blake: Hey, Owen.
Let me ask you something.
Glenn: Operator, can you connect me to the Simon Wiesenthal Center? I'll hold.
Blake: Hey, where's Lola?
Owen: Oh, she's working the flight to Pittsburgh, won't be back till tomorrow, which is a shame because I was gonna use Halloween as an excuse to finally ask her out.
Lola: So, ladies, it's Halloween. Pittsburgh is our oyster. You guys want to hit banana Joe's, or do you just want to get dressed up in my room at the Marriott and go from there? Oh, not tonight. You know, my husband and I are opening up a special bottle of Shiraz, and then I'm gonna let him put it up my butt. And my guy's making his famous Halloween dinner, and then we're gonna take a romantic bubble bath, then I'm gonna let him put it up my butt.
Lola: Well, what about you, Danielle? Wish I could, but Halloween's about spending time with the people who are the constants in your life -- the ones who ask you the same thing over and over again, you say "No," and now you feel bad about it. But happy Halloween. Happy Halloween.
[ Laughter ]
Owen: My new year's resolution is to get you to go out with me...
Imagine these cups are our... Why don't you just let me fertilize your... put it up my butt.
[ Jet engine roars ]
Sal: Attention, staff.
Happy Thanksgiving. The current threat level is burnt sienna.
Blake: Dori, what are we at?
Dori: 8 months. Almost there.
Blake: Okay, good. The cash is ready to go, so don't worry.
Dori: Great.
Lola: Owen! Owen! Owen!
[ Panting ]
Owen!
Owen: Lola?
Lola: I've been running for three weeks. I almost gave up, but I had to come back because I realized, Owen, that I not want to go out with you -- ever. So... what do you say?
Owen: What do you mean? What can I say? I have no choice but to say "Okay."
Lola: [ Sighs ] "Okay." I like "okay."
Sy: Oh, you son of a gun, you did it! We're in the black! Happy days are here! Goodbye, gray skies! Hello, blue! Nobody move! I got the place surrounded! Where's Dr. Mengele?!
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
Roof! Move! Move! Move! Go! Let's go! Let's go!
Dr. Joe: Goodbye, Childrens Hospital. Thanks for the memories. Goodbye, Cat.
Cat: Goodbye, daddy! I'll miss having s*x with you! That's not my real daddy. I would never have s*x with my real daddy. That's just Josef Mengele. ♪ That warm Christmas feeling is everywhere I go ♪
Dori: [ Screaming ] ♪ That warm Christmas feeling that melts the falling snow ♪
All: 9...8...7...6... 5...4...3...2...1. Time's up. You're fired.
Sy: I know. But I do have one more idea -- girls in scanty-clad clothes, you know, and very tight and -- and then they da-- "Ooh! Ooh!"
[ Laughs ]
It will bring a lot of people in. We'll call it "Childrens Hospital Revue"! You're re-hired.
Sal: Attention, staff. Have you tried Dr. Adolf's brownie bites? | Plan: A: a full year; Q: How long is the hospital in the book? A: Sy; Q: Who struggles to turn the hospital's fortunes around? A: Owen; Q: Who is the character that relentlessly hits on Lola? A: the Simon Wiesenthal Center; Q: What organization tracks Joseph Mengele? Summary: The events of a full year at the hospital are chronicled, as Sy struggles to turn the hospital's fortunes around, Owen relentlessly hits on Lola, and the Simon Wiesenthal Center tracks Joseph Mengele. |
THE INVASION OF TIME
BY "DAVID AGNEW" GRAHAM WILLIAMS AND ANTHONY READ
Part Six
Running time: 25:44
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Doctor! Doctor!
DOCTOR: Get Rodan.
LEELA: Rodan?
DOCTOR: Get Rodan.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: What has happened?
KELNER: He has stabilised, thrown the fail-safe switch in his time capsule.
STOR: With what effect?
KELNER: The capsule is fixed in its present state for eternity, until he throws off the fail-safe switch.
STOR: So he is trapped?
KELNER: Yes, Excellency. The Great Key. I could have done so much with the Great Key.
STOR: No one may enter or leave this solid-state capsule?
KELNER: I have entrance probes for all time capsules, sir.
STOR: Bring the relevant probe with you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Quick, lock the door.
DOCTOR: Without that, no one can reset the systems. Where are the others?
LEELA: In the bathroom.
DOCTOR: The bathroom?
LEELA: Yes, in the bathroom.
DOCTOR: You got lost, didn't you.
LEELA: Well, it's bigger than it looks, your TARDIS.
DOCTOR: Ah no, the mighty huntress got her. Don't you think she got lost?
LEELA: I didn't. How do you know?
DOCTOR: I think you got lost.
LEELA: Listen, Doctor, you gave me the wrong directions.
DOCTOR: Come on. You got lost.
LEELA: How could you possibly expect me to follow those directions?
DOCTOR: You got lost!
LEELA: Doctor!
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: This machine is a load of obsolete rubbish.
KELNER: This model was withdrawn centuries ago.
STOR: Make the systems function again.
KELNER: But, but I'm not an engineer, sir. I
STOR: Make it work, or you'll die. Well?
SONTARAN: He has fastened it with some kind of locking device from the other side, sir.
STOR: He's trapped in here now, and this is the only way out.
SONTARAN: I will open it, sir. Then we shall have them.
STOR: He has the Great Key. I want him captured, intact but unharmed. After that, I will deal with him personally.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: All right, let's walk. I've got a wonderful sense of direction. I've got a perfect sense of direction.
RODAN: I thought you said you had a good
LEELA: Shush. Where are we?
DOCTOR: Storeroom twenty three A.
LEELA: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: The workshop.
RODAN: Has he got a workshop on board?
DOCTOR (OOV.): Of course I have. Come on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: What nobody understands is, the advantage of my antiquated TARDIS is that it's fully equipped and completely reliable.
LEELA: Completely?
DOCTOR: Yes. Yeah, well, almost completely.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Where are we now?
DOCTOR: Service tunnel, Blue Section two five. Everything's going to be all right. You just follow me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Odd. I could have sworn I've been here before.
LEELA: We have.
DOCTOR: Oh. Oh. I must be in level twenty three B.
RODAN: Well, wherever we are, it could do with a lick of paint.
LEELA: Lick of paint?
RODAN: Yes, clean it up a bit. You know, redecoration.
DOCTOR: Listen, I'm a Time Lord, not a painter and decorator. I'm preoccupied with (pause)
LEELA: Sontarans?
DOCTOR: Yes. Sontarans, Daleks.
RODAN: Don't get excited.
DOCTOR: What did you say?
RODAN: I said, don't get excited.
DOCTOR: I'm not getting excited. I'm not getting
LEELA: (quietly) Doctor!
DOCTOR: (quietly) What is it?
LEELA: You are getting excited.
DOCTOR: No, I'm not.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Would you get off my scarf, please.
LEELA: Doctor, we've been here before.
DOCTOR: Nonsense.
RODAN: Déjà vu.
LEELA: Déjà what?
RODAN: Déjà vu. It's a common thing among time travellers.
DOCTOR: There you are.
LEELA: We have been here before.
DOCTOR: Rodan, tell her she's wrong.
RODAN: Doctor, she's absolutely right.
DOCTOR: What?
RODAN: We just travelled this route ten minutes ago.
DOCTOR: Nonsense. I know this TARDIS like the back of my hand.
DOCTOR: Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: That clock's slow. (Up in the console room, the Sontaran warrior brings in a rifle-sized weapon to use on the locked inner door. The Doctor, Rodan and Leela are sitting on white painted cast iron seats.)
DOCTOR: Come on, we can't sit around here all day.
LEELA: You said you wanted a rest.
DOCTOR: I've just had one. Let's go and find K9.
LEELA: K9!
[SCENE_BREAK]
ANDRED: If I had a dog like you in my unit, I'd make him a sergeant.
[SCENE_BREAK]
RODAN: Why you can't use a perfectly modern seven oh six model, I'll never understand.
DOCTOR: No character.
LEELA: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes?
LEELA: We have been here before.
DOCTOR: Nonsense. Rear area now, storeroom fourteen D. Onward!
[SCENE_BREAK]
KELNER: It's impossible, sir.
STOR: Why?
KELNER: Well, it's obvious. You see, the Doctor has removed the primary refraction tube from his fail-safe controls. With that circuit broken, well, no one can reactivate the TARDIS.
STOR: So I cannot destroy the TARDIS and the Doctor cannot escape? Stalemate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Hello. boy. How's it going?
K9: Nothing is going anywhere, master. A state of perfect inertia.
DOCTOR: I know we're not going anywhere. I don't like the idea of inertia being perfect.
LEELA: Little K9.
DOCTOR: Is it clear?
ANDRED: At full capacity, Excellency, just as you ordered.
LEELA: What is it?
DOCTOR: Early warning. Something's broken in upstairs.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: We will do battle on your own ground, Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
K9: Master.
DOCTOR: Leela, the key I gave you.
LEELA: Of course.
DOCTOR: Can I have it, please? Thank you. Rodan, look at me. You are now in a state of deep hypnosis. Can you hear me?
RODAN: Yes.
DOCTOR: Rodan, you will help K9. You will do whatever he tells you. When K9 asks you for this key, you will give it to him. You will not give the key to anyone else. You understand?
RODAN: Yes.
DOCTOR: Good. Watch the door. Come on. We're relying on you, K9.
K9: Master.
K9: One rod of type three iridium alloy, one metre in length.
RODAN: Coming up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Sorry the lift's out of order. Shush.
LEELA: What did you say?
DOCTOR: I said I'm sorry the lift's out of order.
LEELA: Oh. Where are we going?
DOCTOR: What? To the bathroom of course.
LEELA: To the bathroom?
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: Very clever, Doctor.
KELNER: What is it, sir?
STOR: The Doctor has set up a biological barrage. My instruments cannot trace human life forms. We must return to his control room and eliminate this barrier.
KELNER: Wait, sir. There is another way. If I can trace the ancillary generator that powers this barrier
STOR: Can you do this?
KELNER: I believe I can, sir.
STOR: Then you will be well rewarded. Lead on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: I've kept you waiting, Chancellor. I've kept you waiting, Chancellor.
BORUSA: I'm quite comfortable, thank you.
DOCTOR: Good.
DOCTOR: I had nothing to do with this, I promise you. Chancellor, you know about the Rod of Rassilon.
BORUSA: Yes.
DOCTOR: And you know about the Sash of Rassilon.
BORUSA: Yes.
DOCTOR: And especially, you know about the Great Key.
BORUSA: Yes.
DOCTOR: Therefore, it would be very bad for us if you were to fall into the hands of the Sontarans. No breeding, you see.
BORUSA: It's not just a question of breeding, surely?
DOCTOR: Oh, but it is, it is, I assure you, Chancellor, it is. They're a cloned species, you see. They can multiply at the rate of a million every four minutes. Shall we go?
BORUSA: I think so.
DOCTOR: Good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: Well?
KELNER: Tangential formation has been quite altered. The Doctor has made many modifications over the centuries. We should be by now
STOR: Which way?
KELNER: Through here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KELNER: Here, I'm sure of it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Pick a door, any door. Ready? Leave.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Come on.
BORUSA: I wish you'd stabilise your pedestrian infrastructure, President.
DOCTOR: What? Come on, pull yourself together, Borusa. Hello, sickbay. Quick, curtains. Lock the door, Andred.
LEELA: Let's get out of here.
ANDRED: You go on. I'll hold them off.
LEELA: With what? We must catch the others. We'll go my way. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: What is it?
ANDRED: Sorry about this. I'm not going to be much good to you now.
DOCTOR: Leela?
LEELA: Yes?
DOCTOR: Take these two back to the workshop. You know the way.
LEELA: Well, as well as I did last time.
DOCTOR: It's along there on the left. Second on the left, up two stages
LEELA: Don't worry, Doctor. I'll find my own way.
DOCTOR: Good. Bye, bye.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Oh, no.
BORUSA: Where are we?
LEELA: Déjà vu. Back where we started.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: This is useless! Where is the ancillary power unit?
KELNER: I don't know.
STOR: What?
KELNER: Wait! Perhaps the Doctor is individual.
STOR: That is a weakness. Only through unity is there strength.
KELNER: He has hidden it, I think.
STOR: Where?
KELNER: I believe I begin to understand the Doctor.
STOR: I doubt that.
KELNER: It is a utilitarian unit. He would disguise it with beauty.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Come on, Doctor. You've got a perfect sense of direction.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SONTARAN: I could not
STOR: Explanations will wait. My orders are clear. You will follow this fool and destroy the power unit he will show you.
STOR: I have other duties.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes.
LEELA: Have you defeated them?
DOCTOR: No. We've got to get to the workshop.
BORUSA: Workshop?
DOCTOR: Yes, the workshop. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KELNER: How beautiful.
SONTARAN: What is this place?
KELNER: Ancillary power station.
KELNER: Now, try your tracer.
SONTARAN: The humanoids are three levels below.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Finished?
RODAN: Yes, it's finished.
DOCTOR: Where is it?
DOCTOR: Give me the key. Wake up, Rodan. Give me the key.
LEELA: What is it?
BORUSA: No!
DOCTOR: You know how helpless we are against the Sontarans.
BORUSA: I forbid you to use it. You should never have constructed it.
RODAN: But what is it?
DOCTOR: It's the ultimate weapon. The Demat gun.
RODAN: That's impossible!
DOCTOR: You built in under hypnosis. But how to arm it, hmm? Is that why the Key remained hidden for so long?
DOCTOR: I could rule the universe with this, Chancellor.
BORUSA: Is that what you want? Destroy that gun. Destroy all knowledge of it. It'll throw us back to the darkest age!
SONTARAN: No, Chancellor, forward.
DOCTOR: No, wait, wait, Leela! Don't kill him! Kelner, where's Stor? Kill him.
KELNER: No! No! He's in the Panopticon.
DOCTOR: The? Borusa, the Matrix.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Hold it, Stor.
STOR: Doctor. This grenade will give me a lot of pleasure.
DOCTOR: You'll destroy us all.
STOR: Yes. It is a glory to die for a glorious Sontaran empire.
DOCTOR: But you'll destroy this entire galaxy.
STOR: Yes, and all of the Time Lords with it.
DOCTOR: And your battlefield.
STOR: Yes, Doctor. But it is a small price to pay. If we cannot control the power of the Time Lords, then we shall destroy it. Goodbye, Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ANDRED: Leela, listen.
DOCTOR: Hello, Leela.
LEELA: Oh, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Put it away. Borusa, what are you doing here?
BORUSA: Your Excellence.
DOCTOR: Excellence? Excellence?
DOCTOR: Is this some kind of a joke, Borusa? It's not like you to make jokes.
BORUSA: Have you forgotten your induction?
DOCTOR: My induction?
BORUSA: The Vardans?
DOCTOR: (quietly) Vardans.
BORUSA: The Sontarans?
DOCTOR: (quietly) Sontarans.
BORUSA: Doctor, you saved Gallifrey.
DOCTOR: I have? Oh. Well, what do you think of that, Leela?
LEELA: I think you've gone mad.
BORUSA: He remembers nothing of it. It is the wisdom of Rassilon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Well, ta-ta, everybody. Come on, Leela. Come on. What's the matter?
LEELA: I'm staying.
DOCTOR: What? Staying? Here? Why?
DOCTOR: Ah, I see.
ANDRED: I hope that
DOCTOR: Yes, I'm sure you do hope. She'll look after you. She's terribly good with a knife. Come on, K9.
K9: Negative. I remain.
DOCTOR: Here?
K9: Affirmative.
DOCTOR: Why?
K9: To look after the mistress.
LEELA: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Yes?
LEELA: I will miss you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: I'll miss you too, savage.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BORUSA: Where will he go now, I wonder.
LEELA: Somewhere else.
LEELA: Will he be lonely, K9?
K9: Insufficient data, mistress. | Plan: A: refuge; Q: What do the Doctor and his friends take in the TARDIS? A: Kelner; Q: Who is Stor's partner? Summary: The Doctor and his friends take refuge in the TARDIS but find themselves pursued by Stor and Kelner. |
THE CURSE OF PELADON
BY: BRIAN HAYLES
5:50pm - 6:15pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: EXT. CITADEL (NIGHT)
(The citadel of Peladon is literally carved halfway up the side of a sheer mountain. It turrets, walls and towers are of the same dark rock of the mountain. Hundreds of feet above ground level, it gives the appearance of an impenetrable medieval fortress. The citadel and the mountain are lashed by rain and storm. Winds blow the stark trees at the base of the edifice and flashes of lightning illuminate the impressive scene.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. PASSAGE (NIGHT)
(The medieval theme is continued within the citadel. Stark passages are gloomily lit by torches affixed to brackets on the wall. Along one of these passages, a man on the cusp of old age strides along. He wears an impressive robe and cloak, both of an imperial purple colour. The collar of the cloak is trimmed with an animal fur. He sports an impressive head of white hair and a similar white beard but both have long streaks of red within them. He walks up to a set of double doors on which primitively attired guards stand on duty with pikestaffs raised. They open the doors for the man and he enters the throne room beyond.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. THRONE ROOM (NIGHT)
(This chamber is better lit than others in the citadel. Within the room are more guards with pikestaffs and another figure who is dressed and groomed in identical fashion to the newcomer. This is HEPESH, High Priest of Peladon who bestows on the newly arrived TORBIS, Chancellor to the King, a look of barely concealed contempt which is returned to him. The Monarch himself, PELADON, sits on a simple throne which is one a raised dais at the far end of the room. Barely into his twenties, he too has a white head of hair, also streaked with red but no beard. His clothes are similar to the two other men but his cloak is waist length and has no fur. He presents the appearance of weak youth, struggling to be strong in the face of immense responsibilities. Behind PELADON stands GRUN, the King's champion. An immense man, white haired without the red streak, he is dressed in the uniform of the guards and now stands sentinel in the post of the King's personal bodyguard. TORBIS puts one foot on the steps of the throne and smiles at his King.)
TORBIS: The delegate from Alpha Centauri has arrived, your Majesty. He will present his credentials to you shortly.
PELADON: Thank you, Torbis.
TORBIS: We wait now only for the chairman delegate from Earth, then the discussions can begin.
(HEPESH can stand no more and steps forward, speaking to TORBIS with frustration and impatience in his voice.)
HEPESH: You will persist then in this folly? Nothing I can say will deter you?
(TORBIS sounds weary as he turns and faces his adversary.)
TORBIS: Hepesh, you have already had your say in the Grand Council. The question has been discussed and decided.
HEPESH: Decided by you, Torbis, and the fools who support you! You mislead the King, you abandon the ancient ways of our people!
TORBIS: Nothing but ignorance and superstition.
HEPESH: You will bring the curse of Aggedor upon us!
TORBIS: It'll take much more than your childish mumbo jumbo to frighten me.
(PELADON has been watching the argument with increasing irritation. He holds up one hand and calls out...)
PELADON: Enough!
(PELADON stands and shouts down at the two men.)
PELADON: I will not have my Chancellor and my High Priest squabbling on the steps of the throne!
HEPESH: You Majesty is right to rebuke us, nevertheless I must pursue...!
TORBIS: (Interrupts.) Must I remind you, Priest...!
PELADON: (Interrupts.) My friends!
(They stop squabbling once more. PELADON sighs and steps down to the two men. He speaks with passion.)
PELADON: My good friends. You are more to me than my Chancellors, my regents, much more! It grieves my heart to hear such hate between two brothers.
TORBIS: May I speak, your Majesty?
PELADON: Very well.
TORBIS: It was not I who chose to quarrel. Ever since the death of his exalted Majesty, your father, I have been as a parent to you. If you should forget now all that I have ever taught you, if you should let the superstitious fear of this foolish man...
(He stares at HEPESH who takes the bait...)
HEPESH: The folly has not been mine ... !
(PELADON holds up a hand for silence from HEPESH but TORBIS has already started shouting over him...)
TORBIS: Your Majesty, my whole life would be a failure, as a sacred trust, I am the ...
HEPESH: (Interrupts, shouting.) Sacred ... ?!
PELADON: (Interrupts, shouting.) Hepesh, please?!
(He turns back to TORBIS and speaks quietly...)
PELADON: Torbis, I shall not betray you.
HEPESH: But, Sire!
(PELADON swings round on his High Priest.)
PELADON: No, Hepesh! The decision has been taken. If the committee of assessment judges favourably, then Peladon will join the galactic federation. And I shall expect your loyal help and support at this difficult time.
(HEPESH bows his head and sounds sincere but the look of anger and disapproval never leaves his face.)
HEPESH: Your Majesty.
(Having received this gesture, PELADON turns back to TORBIS.)
PELADON: Torbis, please inform the others that Alpha Centauri has arrived.
(He salutes his Chancellor with an arm across the chest and turns back to the throne. TORBIS throws HEPESH a look of barely concealed triumph and leaves the room. HEPESH watches him go with an inscrutable look on his face.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. PASSAGE
(Leaving the throne room, TORBIS strides down the passage.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. ANOTHER PASSAGE
(He heads down another long, torch-lit passage. As he turns a corner a roar rings out and TORBIS raises his hands in horror. A large fur-covered animal towers over him. It raises a paw and brings it crashing down on the man, who falls to the ground. The creature roars again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. THRONE ROOM
(The unearthly sound reaches the throne room. GRUN immediately runs out, closely followed by PELADON and HEPESH.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: INT. ANOTHER PASSAGE
(GRUN sprints down the passage and is first to reach the stricken Chancellor. As he looks over the barely moving figure, a shadow falls over GRUN and he looks up at the roaring animal. He cowers back as the creature lumbers off into the darkness. PELADON runs up seconds later and sees TORBIS on the ground - now not moving.)
PELADON: (Somewhat distraught.) Torbis! Torbis!
(He cradles the man's head in his hands as HEPESH reaches GRUN.)
HEPESH: Grun, what happened?! What happened, Grun?
(He shakes the huge man as he continues to cower on the ground. GRUN raises his head and makes a strangulated noise. He is a mute. He points up at one of the torch brackets. On its side is the molten image of a horned beast. HEPESH stares at it.)
HEPESH: So, the spirit of Aggedor has risen again. The ancient curse of Peladon...will be fulfilled!
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: EXT. CITADEL
(Lighting flashes and wind continues to batter the citadel. Way below it, on a narrow ledge on the lower slopes of the mountain, the TARDIS materialises.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM
(Within, the central column comes to a standstill. The DOCTOR, wearing a checked cloak, and JO, wearing a long velvet evening dress with her hair smartly coiffured, watch it stop. The DOCTOR adjusts controls.)
DOCTOR: There you are, Jo. A perfect landing.
JO: And about time too!
DOCTOR: Now, now, Miss Grant. Let's not be impatient.
JO: Impatient? Look, I'm all dolled up...
(The DOCTOR turns away from her to look over a control. JO walks round to him to get his attention.)
JO: I'm all dolled up for a night out on the town with Mike Yates when you talk me into a joyride in this thing, then...
DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) It's hardly a joyride, Jo. This is the TARDIS' first test flight since I got it working again.
JO: Yes, I know, but you said we'd only...
(The DOCTOR turns away again to look at another control. JO walks round him again to attract his attention.)
JO: You said we'd only be a few minutes, right?
(The DOCTOR is hardly paying attention.)
DOCTOR: Mmm hmm.
JO: Well we've been simply ages. Look, I'm going to be very late, so if you'll just open the doors, ... I'll be...
DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) One minute, Jo. Routine landing procedures first, eh? Let's see what the scanners have to tell us.
(JO gives up and looks up at the scanner with the DOCTOR. The screen remains resolutely blank.)
JO: Precisely nothing.
DOCTOR: Must be on the blink.
(He moves beneath the console to look for the source of the problem.)
JO: I might have expected it. The TARDIS always is!
(The DOCTOR looks up at her.)
DOCTOR: I hope you're as in good condition when you're as old as she is!
(They both laugh. The DOCTOR returns to his investigations and quickly stands holding a metallic unit in his hands.)
DOCTOR: Now...let's have a look.
(He looks closely at the device.)
DOCTOR: Yes, this is a tiny fault in the interstitial beam synthesiser. Still, I can put that right later.
(He slips it back into his pocket and returns to the console controls.)
JO: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Mmm hmm?
JO: You're sure we're back at base?
DOCTOR: Yes, well everything outside seems perfectly normal. Atmosphere, temperature, gravity -yeah.
(He tickles JO'S chin.)
DOCTOR: Cheer up, Jo. It's a perfect landing.
(Suddenly, the entire room lurches to one side.)
JO: You did say "perfect"?
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: EXT. MOUNTAIN LEDGE
(The TARDIS is balanced precariously on the ledge, swaying in the strong winds. The doors face towards one side of the ledge, therefore the DOCTOR is able to leap out of the doors. He backs against the cliffside and , blown by the gale, stares down into the abyss below.)
JO: (OOV: Inside the TARDIS.) Doctor, what's the matter?! Where are we?!
(He looks up and gauges their surroundings.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Well, we seem to be half way up a mountain! We're balanced on the edge!
(He looks at the rocking police box.)
JO: (OOV: Inside the TARDIS.) Well, what are we gonna do?!
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Come towards me. Come on!
(JO appears gingerly in the doorway.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Now, give me your hand, very, very gently!
(She reaches her hand out towards his outstretched one.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Ready now?
JO: (Shouts.) Yes!
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Right, jump!
(She half-leaps, and is half-pulled onto the stormy ledge. Like the DOCTOR she backs against the battered cliff-face and clutching each other in the wind, they both watch as the TARDIS pivots off the ledge and, tumbling over and over against the mountain, it falls into the valley below. JO is horrified.)
JO: (Shouts.) It's smashed to pieces!
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo, the TARDIS may have its faults, but it is indestructible. Our main worry is how to get to it. We certainly can't climb down there.
(He looks upwards and the flashes of lightning reveal the citadel carved into the rock high above them.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Jo! Jo, look up there!
JO: (Shouts.) Oh, looks a bit doomy.
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Well, we certainly can't recover the TARDIS by ourselves. We'd better get up there and see if we can find help.
JO: (Shouts.) Up there?!
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Yeah, that's right.
JO: (Shouts.) But I'm not exactly dressed for mountaineering.
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Well, you always wait here, I suppose.
JO: (Shouts.) No thanks. Anyway, we don't even know where we are.
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Exactly, so the sooner we find out, the better. Come on.
(He starts to climb.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. THRONE ROOM
(An astonishing creature ambles into the throne room. It has a long yellow body with a green base. Its head is also green and covered in veins and is dominated by one huge eye. From under a long yellow cloak emerge six arms, one of which carries a scroll which it passes to HEPESH as it approaches the throne.)
HEPESH: The delegate from Alpha Centauri, member of the galactic federation, presents his credentials before his Majesty, King Peladon.
(The delegate bows and PELADON, wearing an elaborate studded collar and robe returns a seated bow and salute from the throne. He speaks warmly.)
PELADON: Peladon welcomes the delegate from Alpha Centauri.
(ALPHA CENTAURI speaks in a high-pitched feminine and slightly nervous voice as it twitches away.)
ALPHA CENTAURI: As a member of the preliminary assessment commission, I have great hopes that your planet will be acceptable as candidate for the galactic federation.
PELADON: That is my firm intention. My Chancellor will...
(He stops and corrects himself as a look of sadness crosses his face.)
PELADON: My High Priest will give you all assistance to this end.
HEPESH: (To ALPHA CENTAURI.) We willing accept the hands of true friendship.
(He salutes ALPHA CENTAURI in a similar manner to the King. The delegate bows back.)
HEPESH: Unfortunately, discussions cannot begin until the arrival of the chairman delegate from Earth.
PELADON: He will be here soon, Hepesh, never fear. Earth is many...light years away from us? Is that not so, Alpha Centauri?
ALPHA CENTAURI: Indeed, your Majesty.
(The creature gives out a nervous giggle.)
ALPHA CENTAURI: A remote and unattractive planet at best.
(HEPESH crosses to the King.)
HEPESH: I say again the omens are not good!
PELADON: (Wearily.) Hepesh...
HEPESH: Once before your Majesty saw fit to ignore my warnings, and now your Chancellor, Torbis, lies dead, slain by the wrath of Aggedor...
PELADON: Hepesh, enough!
(But ALPHA CENTAURI has overheard and calls out in a cowardly squeal...)
ALPHA CENTAURI: Slain? Danger here? Then the conference must be cancelled!
PELADON: This is not a matter to trouble the delegates.
(He stands and crosses over to ALPHA CENTAURI speaking as reassuringly as he can.)
PELADON: Torbis, my former Chancellor, died earlier tonight in...mysterious circumstances. But the truth will be brought to light, meanwhile there is no danger to you or to your fellow delegates.
ALPHA CENTAURI: (Unconvinced.) I...accept your Majesty's assurances...
PELADON: Thank you. Lord Hepesh will take you to your fellow delegates.
(HEPESH bows and leads the delegate away. PELADON watches them go with a sigh of relief.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: EXT. MOUNTAIN SIDE
(Battered by the winds, deafened by the cracks of thunder and startled by the lightning, the DOCTOR and JO make slow and painful progress up the mountain side. JO especially finds the going difficult in her unsuitable shoes, several times losing her foothold. The DOCTOR is slightly ahead of her and reaches another narrow ledge. He pulls her up beside him. She sits and he is about to start off again but JO is exhausted.)
JO: It's no good...I can't go any further...I nearly broke...my neck coming up...this far.
DOCTOR: Well, we certainly can't stay here, Jo. I'll tell you what - let's traverse along this ledge for a bit. I'll see if there's another way out. Have a look that way.
JO: Okay.
(The DOCTOR goes to the left and JO sets off to the right. As he makes his way slowly along, his cloak flapping in the wind, he hears JO'S voice calling from behind him...)
JO: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Well, what is it?
(He looks back but cannot see her.)
DOCTOR: Jo?
(He looks in panic up and down the mountainside.)
DOCTOR: Jo, where are you?! Jo, where are you?!
(She pokes her head out of an opening in the rockface. The DOCTOR crosses to her.)
JO: Over here! Come on!
DOCTOR: What is it?
JO: A tunnel, come on!
(She goes back into the opening and the DOCTOR follows.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM
(HEPESH opens a pair of double doors and leads ALPHA CENTAURI into another gloomy torch-lit room.)
HEPESH: This chamber is reserved for the delegate's private meetings.
(Suddenly, they hear a harsh, strangulated vaguely electronic voice.)
ARCTURUS: Greetings - you are the delegate from Alpha Centauri?
HEPESH: The delegate from Arcturus.
(Across the room is another delegate. The base is a square tank-like machine. It is surmounted by a transparent dome which contains a creature which appears to be made up of a wholly skull-like head from which several appendages emanate. A constant stream of live-preserving fluids flow within the dome and a heartbeat sound pulses from within the machine. ALPHA CENTAURI bows to the delegate and crosses over to it.)
ALPHA CENTAURI: Greetings delegate. There has been an incident - a court official has been slain!
ARCTURUS: Slain? There has been violence? I am in danger?
HEPESH: An internal matter, delegate Arcturus. Do not be concerned.
ARCTURUS: The delegation must be concerned! If only for its own safety.
ALPHA CENTAURI: We are committed to the rejection of violence.
ARCTURUS: But we are capable of self-defence, should it prove necessary. Allow me to demonstrate.
(From the base of the machine, a radar dish-type device emerges. A red flash shoots out from this and, across the room, a decorative stone urn on a stand also grows red and starts to smoke. HEPESH flinches as he watches. The red glow disappears and the urn is now a smoking pile of clinker. ARCTURUS' weapon retracts back into the base of its machine.)
ARCTURUS: So, be warned. Do not provoke us.
HEPESH: We desire only your friendship.
ARCTURUS: Then make sure that our mission is not endangered.
(HEPESH bows and leaves the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. TUNNEL
(The DOCTOR slowly moves along a narrow tunnel. He reaches a grill in the wall beyond which he sees a temple-like room. It is dominated by a huge statute of a rearing horned beast which is lit by flickering torches.)
DOCTOR: Jo, come at look at this.
(JO comes up the tunnel and joins him.)
JO: What on earth is it?
DOCTOR: It looks like some sort of shrine.
JO: I've never seen anything like it before.
DOCTOR: No, neither have I. At least not on Earth. Come on.
(They move off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. THRONE ROOM
(PELADON and HEPESH stand looking at the empty throne. HEPESH has a hand on the King's shoulder. PELADON, now divested of his elaborate collar and robe, has an attitude that is one of sadness)
PELADON: I remember when you and Torbis first brought me to the throne room.
HEPESH: At first you refused to sit upon the throne. You said that rightfully it could only be your father's place.
(PELADON is emotional...)
PELADON: But Torbis...lifted me up...and set me here. And then you said...
HEPESH: (Interrupts.) And then I said "although the royal blood that flows in your veins is mingled with that of strangers, yet you shall be Peladon of Peladon! Greater than your father, greater than any past or future king"! And then, the Earth woman...
(PELADON interrupts wearily at this description...)
PELADON: And then my mother, Hepesh. She smiled...
(He sits on the throne.)
PELADON: ...and placed my left hand in yours...and my right hand in Torbis'.
HEPESH: And together we made a boy into a king!
PELADON: And now Torbis is dead.
HEPESH: His task was almost done. As mine will be when once I have anointed you king.
PELADON: Why did he die, Hepesh?!
HEPESH: (Passionately.) He saw your future as a servant of the galactic federation! I see you as an independent ruler of a great and glorious kingdom!
PELADON: You really believe he was destroyed by Aggedor, don't you?!
HEPESH: Yes, it was a warning!
(PELADON strides across the throne room.)
PELADON: But the federation delegates are here at my invitation - it should have been me that was struck down!
HEPESH: No! No, it was Torbis blinded by them that would have destroyed your kingdom! You would have become a slave, not a king.
PELADON: But Hepesh, you were always telling me "a king must choose and choose courageously".
HEPESH: Aggedor has shown the way!
PELADON: Backwards into superstition! It was you who taught me to fight, to ride...and to think. Help me to realise my dream. I know what is best for my people.
HEPESH: I do not trust these aliens!
PELADON: Well then trust me!
HEPESH: I tell you, I know their minds! I will not let them lead you into a trap!
PELADON: But their motives are open and honest!
HEPESH: But to them, Peladon, we are merely savages! Savages to be tamed! They despise and distrust us!
PELADON: Then I will talk to them - convince them! Summon the delegates.
(HEPESH hesitates.)
PELADON: (Angrily.) Now, Hepesh!
(The High Priest bows and leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. TUNNELS
(The DOCTOR and JO cross through a series of dark tunnels and rock chambers.)
JO: Which way now?
DOCTOR: Which way indeed?
(With no obvious solution, he points one way at a time in four different directions.)
DOCTOR: Eenie, meenie, minie, mo...
(From the fourth direction, there is suddenly the echoing roar of an animal. JO jumps back.)
JO: Meenie?
(The DOCTOR nods and they move off quietly in that direction. As they hear another roar, they come to the end of the tunnel. The cul-de-sac is lit by a single torch on a wall bracket.)
JO: Oh no, it's blocked up.
DOCTOR: Yes.
(The DOCTOR looks at the torch in puzzlement.)
DOCTOR: If the tunnel's never used, why is this torch still alight?
(He reaches for the torch but finds it is affixed to the bracket. He then finds that the entire bracket moves on a pivot and, lowering the bracket, a door in the rock wall behind him suddenly springs open and hits him in the back. JO smiles.)
JO: Right again, Doctor!
(He nods ruefully and they both go through the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. PASSAGE
(They find that they are behind a tapestry covering one of the walls in a passage of the citadel.)
JO: Where are we?
DOCTOR: Somewhere inside the castle, I should think. Let's take a look around.
(Suddenly, they hear a movement further down the passage and the DOCTOR pulls JO back into hiding behind the tapestry. Once they are concealed, a large being lumbers past. Green in colour, it is covered with a scaly armour and helmet and has two pincer-like hands. It struggles for breath as it walks along past the tapestry. Last seen by the DOCTOR in the Earth's T-Mat control moonbase, a representative of the race of the Ice Warriors is in the citadel of Peladon! The DOCTOR comes out of hiding and, followed by JO, they move to a corner and watch the alien as it continues down the passage. The DOCTOR has a look of intense concern on his face.)
JO: What was that?
DOCTOR: That, Jo, was an Ice Warrior. A native of the planet Mars.
JO: You've seen them before?
DOCTOR: Yes, indeed I have, and believe me, they're not very pleasant company.
JO: Oh, come on, let's get back to the tunnel - quickly.
(They run back to the tapestry but a platoon of palace guards has beaten them to it. Turning back more have appeared from the other direction. They are trapped.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. THRONE ROOM
(The Ice Warrior - SSORG - walks into the throne room. An Ice Lord - IZLYR - awaits his entrance and gestures to his subordinate to stand to one side. IZLYR then turns and bows to the King on the throne. HEPESH and the other two delegates are also in the room and GRUN stands guard again on his monarch.)
PELADON: Thank you. By now, you all know of the tragic incident involving my Chancellor - Torbis. He was more than an advisor, he was, like Hepesh, a trusted friend.
(IZLYR catches his breath and speaks...)
IZLYR: And yet, he was killed - why?
HEPESH: It was a supernatural warning.
PELADON: My High Priest connects this death with one of our ancient legends.
ARCTURUS: Your Priest speaks of a warning. Perhaps it is more than that?
PELADON: Superstition - nothing more!
IZLYR: This incident could well mean a threat...to us, and to the federation.
(PELADON starts to sound desperate.)
PELADON: But it was Torbis who died! The legend only concerns my people.
ALPHA CENTAURI: Your legend seems violent and unpleasant...and rather too convenient.
(HEPESH smarts at this comment...)
HEPESH: The legend of the curse of Peladon has been handed down through countless centuries.
IZLYR: I think, perhaps, we should hear this... "legend"?
(PELADON swallows nervously and nods at HEPESH.)
HEPESH: It concerns the royal beast of Peladon - now extinct. It is written: "Mighty is Aggedor, fiercest of all the beasts of Peladon!" Young men would hunt it to prove their courage, his fur trims our royal garment, his head is our royal emblem.
(He points dramatically at a carving on the wall. Similar pictorial representations adorn the doors within the citadel.)
HEPESH: It is also written that there will come a day when the spirit of Aggedor will rise again to warn and defend his royal master, King Peladon. For on that day, a stranger will appear in the land, bringing peril to Peladon...
(PELADON suddenly sits up as the doors to the throne room are opened and, behind the delegates, the DOCTOR and JO are shown in by the guards.)
HEPESH: ...and great tribulation to his kingdom.
(His voice tails off as all turn and stare at the newcomers. The DOCTOR only has eyes for IZLYR and SSORG who walk menacingly towards him, and then...)
IZLYR: Chairman delegate from Earth...greetings.
(The DOCTOR looks puzzled at this development. Whilst everyone's attention is distracted, HEPESH turns and nods at GRUN. The huge man steps back off the throne dais and ducks behind a wall tapestry to a secret passage as IZLYR introduces himself...)
IZLYR: Delegate Izlyr from Mars. Sub-delegate Ssorg.
(The DOCTOR bows awkwardly. ALPHA CENTAURI holds up one of its six arms for attention.)
ALPHA CENTAURI: Delegate Alpha Centauri. The galactic committee is terribly in need of your experience and judgement!
ARCTURUS: I am delegate Arcturus - you are late!
DOCTOR: Late? Er, yes, my apologies to the committee but, erm, our space-shuttle crash-landed down the mountain. I wonder if something could be done about rescuing it?
HEPESH: That will be arranged. I am Hepesh - High Priest of Peladon.
DOCTOR: How do you do?
(The DOCTOR steps towards him. HEPESH bows and the DOCTOR does the same.)
HEPESH: Protocol demands that you should present formally your credentials to King Peladon. Hand them to me.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid that will not be possible. We have lest everything in the crash.
PELADON: Er, we can deal with protocol later, Hepesh. Present the chairman delegate from Earth - and his companion.
(PELADON is clearly taken with JO - HEPESH less so.)
HEPESH: I presume this female is of royal blood?
DOCTOR: (Nervously.) Well naturally. Why...well, why do you bother to ask?
HEPESH: We are standing in the royal throne room of Peladon. Only men of rank and females of royal blood may set foot here. The penalty for trespass is death.
(The DOCTOR stares at him, thinking furiously. Behind him, JO suddenly speaks out in a haughty, regal tone...)
JO: Doctor, I do not deal through "intermediaries". Kindly present us to our royal host.
(The DOCTOR takes his cue and bows.)
DOCTOR: Yes, of course. (To HEPESH.) Excuse me.
(He somewhat pushes HEPESH aside and approaches the throne. He bends down on one knee.)
DOCTOR: Your Majesty, as delegate from Earth, I greet you.
(He stands and gestures to JO.)
DOCTOR: May I present Her Royal Highness, the Princess Josephine...of TARDIS!
(JO, looking the part in her evening gown, walks forward. The King stands as JO curtsies and then helps her up by her hand. The DOCTOR stands beside them.)
PELADON: Greetings Princess. I'm sorry to hear that your journey ended so...uncomfortably.
JO: The whole affair was most deplorable. The pilot was exceedingly inefficient!
(The DOCTOR shoots JO a look.)
PELADON: Well, I'm glad it was nothing more. You bring a welcome beauty to a serious occasion.
JO: Thank you, your Majesty.
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM
(GRUN comes out from behind another tapestry high up on a ledge which overlooks the passage immediately outside the throne room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. THRONE ROOM
(Back in the throne room, IZLYR steps forward and addresses JO.)
IZLYR: Your Royal Highness...
(The DOCTOR, alert to the Ice Lord, watches carefully. JO is as taken with the King as he is with her and it is only when the DOCTOR nudges her with his elbow that she turns and faces IZLYR, losing her composure somewhat when she sees that the Martian is talking to her.)
IZLYR: What are your powers on the committee of assessment?
(JO looks at the DOCTOR who thinks quickly.)
DOCTOR: Erm, the Princess is here in the capacity of a royal observer only.
IZLYR: (Satisfied.) Ah, as on my planet, you still retain the aristocratic process.
DOCTOR: Yes, in a democratic sort of way.
ARCTURUS: Chairman delegate from Earth, we are not here to indulge in social diplomacy.
DOCTOR: No, no, of course not, I...
ARCTURUS: (Interrupts.) We are here to consider admitting this somewhat primitive planet into the galactic federation.
DOCTOR: Yes, thank you for reminding me. I...
ALPHA CENTAURI: (Interrupts.) Unfortunately, the success of our mission in threatened - violently!
DOCTOR: Threatened? Perhaps you'd be kind enough to explain that to me from the beginning?
PELADON: Ah, this is an...
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM
(PELADON'S words carry outside the throne room. On the high ledge is a huge statue of the royal beast, AGGEDOR. GRUN is starting to lever the statue off its base with a huge piece of wood.)
PELADON: ...internal affair. We mean no trouble, chairman delegate.
(As GRUN continues with his task, the discussion of the death of TORBIS continues but only the loud electronic words of ARCTURUS reach GRUN...)
ARCTURUS: (OOV: Inside throne room.) By a legend, we are told.
(GRUN presses on the lever as the conversation within proceeds.)
ARCTURUS: (OOV: Inside throne room.) Or a blatant attempt to intimidate this commission.
ALPHA CENTAURI: (OOV: Inside throne room.) I cannot .....
(Through the open doorway, the delegates all begin to show and argue at once. The DOCTOR steps forward.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Gentlemen, please?!
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. THRONE ROOM
ALPHA CENTAURI: ...are of no concern.
(All the arguing voices tail off. The DOCTOR puts on a show of astonishment.)
DOCTOR: Do my ears deceive me? Members of the galactic federation squabbling like a gang of small children?
HEPESH: You are right, chairman delegate. Moreover the throne room is hardly the place for such discussions.
IZLYR: Then perhaps we should withdraw...to the delegate's conference room?
DOCTOR: That is a splendid idea.
(All the delegates - and the two recent additions to their number - bow to the King and start to leave the chamber. The King stands.)
PELADON: Princess?
(He steps down to JO.)
PELADON: I do look forward to speaking with you again - less formally.
JO: Thank you. That would be very nice. See you later!
(She looks at the DOCTOR who grimaces at this faux pas of protocol and regal language. They follow the delegates as HEPESH watches them go.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM
(The DOCTOR follows IZLYR and the other delegates as they step into the passageway. Something catches his eye and he looks up. The statue is falling towards them...) | Plan: A: Jo; Q: Who is mistaken for a princess on Peladon? A: the medieval planet Peladon; Q: Where do the Doctor and Jo arrive? A: the Doctor; Q: Who uncovers a conspiracy on Peladon? A: the Galactic Federation; Q: What organization is the Doctor mistaken for? A: the evil scheme; Q: What does the Doctor expose about the high priest Hepesh? A: the high-priest Hepesh; Q: Who is trying to prevent Peladon from joining the galactic Federation? A: the galactic Federation; Q: What is King Peladon trying to join? Summary: The Doctor and Jo arrive on the medieval planet Peladon, where the Doctor is mistaken for the Earth Delegate of the Galactic Federation and Jo is mistaken for a princess. Where the Doctor uncovers a conspiracy, as he exposes the evil scheme of the high-priest Hepesh who bids to prevent King Peladon from joining the galactic Federation. |
48th Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 3ADA05
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Fire crackling]
Max: mmhhh!
Kal: Why are you here?
Max: I'm looking for our ship... From the '47 crash.
Kal: Who are you working with?
Max: No one.
Kal: Don't lie to me. I will kill you.
Max: Like you killed ferrini?
Kal: How did you get to los angeles?
Max: I-10 west, then straight north.
Kal: Don't get cute with me, you prick.
Max: Do you murder everyone who discovers you're an alien, or do they get a warning first? Unnhh!
Kal: Why do you think i know where this ship is?
Max: You knew it was in utah.
Kal: Who else knows? [Coughing]
Max: please, the...
Kal: answer me! [Breathing hard] [coughing]
Kal: so, this is the mighty king of antar. A low-rent tom cruise with a $10 haircut? Buddy boy, you have no idea what you're gettin' yourself into.
Max: I came all this way to find you. I need your help. you're our protector.
Kal: don't call me that. yeah...I was put on that ship to protect you. But that was 50 years ago. [Coughing]
Kal: boys!
Kal: You're leaving... Or you're dead. Take mr. Evans to my airplane [Isabel and her mother are meeting with the wedding planner] [Sighs]
Isabel: I want a country wedding. Something simple but elegant.
Wedding Planner: Sounds like you and mom have been brainstorming.
Mrs Evans: Oh, not me. I, um... Can hardly get used to the fact that i'm here.
Isabel: mom, you said you'd be supportive.
Mrs Evans: I didn't exactly have a choice.
Wedding Planner: It's always a surprise when your little girl takes this step.
Mrs Evans: Mmm.
Wedding Planner: Patrick! I need mist over here. These lilies are languishing before my eyes. [Sighs]
Isabel: why are you being so negative?
Mrs Evans: isabel, I am in shock. I mean, I' barely gotten used to the idea of you graduating high school.
Isabel: Mom, we have been discussing this for 48 hours straight. I mean, you were the one who hired the annoying wedding planner.
Mrs Evans: Well, I mean, if you're actually gonna go through with this, you need to have a realistic plan. "If"?
Isabel: Sorry. So,
Wedding Planner: where were we?
Isabel: Well, I was thinking that i'd like to have the wedding in a freshly mown field...Maybe next to a pond, and then have the reception in an old barn.
Wedding Planner: Oh, that's a lovely notion. Really, it is, isabel, but when you go country, you open the door to a host of logistical nightmares. Plus, the insect population-- very hard to control.
Wedding Planner: You want to know a wonderful venue? The lobby of the springfield inn. I have done so many weddings there.
Isabel: But I don't want someone else's wedding.
Jesse: Maybe we could light the barn with torches. Not...Not like tiki torches. I...Mean... Maybe torches is the wrong word. More like candles. Oh, there's nothing more flammable than an old barn.
Isabel: Yes, well, that's why we need the pond. Windy, this is my fiance jesse.
Wedding Planner: So, when do we want to have the big day?
Isabel: This spring.
Mrs Evans: What?
Isabel: Yeah. We figured... Why wait?
Mrs Evans: This is not a race. I mean, the two of you just got engaged. Let's--
Isabel: mom...It's what we want. Can't you just be happy? We're planning my wedding. I mean, it's gonna be fun. It's gonna be great.
Wedding Planner: Oh...So cute, so in love. [Scene switches to a party at Kal's mansion. Max crashes the party]
Man: So, uh, what happened with tiffany? Did she walk?
Kal: What, are you kidding? She's an actress. I bumped up her per diem. I put her in a bigger trailer. I got brian to rewrite the part.
Brian: That was my finest hour. now the hooker's a part-time yoga instructor.
Max: You'll open 30 million easy. Sorry I'm late. I...Was on the phone with variety.
Kal: I thought you were on an airplane.
Max: Nah. I wanted to keep talkin' about our project.
Kal: Project? You're killin' me, kal.
Max: Max evans. Antar films. [Liz and Maria are talking in the Kitchen of the Crashdown. Liz takes cookies our of the oven]
Liz: Voila. M&m tabasco swirl cookies. I came up with the recipe all by myself.
Maria: A care package. Max is so spoiled, man.
Liz: No, he is not.
Maria: Liz, he hasn't been gone more than a week.
Liz: Could you just let me finish? Because he's calling in less than an hour.
Maria: What? really?
Liz: Uh-huh.
Maria: Are you guys gonna talk, or are you just gonna breathe heavy into the phone? Are you gonna repeat each other's name back and forth and back and forth?
Liz: Stop it! Ha ha!
Liz: Oh! Hey!
Isabel: Hi. Um... I'm getting married to jesse ramirez.
Liz: What?!
Maria: What?!
Isabel: Yeah, and you know weddings are full of all kinds of stupid traditions, like the garter toss and that--that chicken dance and, well...Bridesmaids, and since you guys are the closest thing i have to girlfriends, I was wondering if you would be mine?
Maria: Ok.
Liz: Yeah, sure.
Isabel: Great! Good. Ok. That's done. Ok. [Isabel looks at the tray of cookies]
Isabel: is that for max?
Maria: Uh-huh.
Liz: Yeah. Sure is.
Isabel: He's so spoiled.
Maria: Mm-hmm.
Isabel: You know what? He doesn't know about the engagement yet, so let's just... Keep it that way. And, maria, I'm gonna need you to tell michael for me. Ok. See ya.
Maria: Did that just happen? [Scene switches to Max talking at the party]
Max: An alien... Stranded on earth... Tries to find his way back home.
Woman: Like e.T.
Max: Yes. But... Think tom cruise.
Man: Sounds more like starman.
Max: Exactly.
Kal: That picture didn't open .
Max: Oh, it gets better, Kal. See, our guy hunts down another alien, also stranded on earth.
Kal: He's the only person who can help him on his quest.
Man: How?
Max: I'm glad you asked, scott. There's a ship
Kal: ha ha ha ha!
Max: And this other alien might know whe it is, or at least have the resources to find it. You see, this other alien is a big... [Chuckles] Hollywood producer. [everyone- Chuckling and laughter]
Kal: ah... that i like. Except i-- I don't like these feel-good science fiction flicks. I don't think they're interesting unless... Somebody dies. [Michael is visiting Isabel]
Isabel: Why is it you feel you're above doorbells?
Michael: Got your message. Is it a joke?
Isabel: No. I'm getting married.
Michael: We agreed not to bring anyone else into this.
Isabel: Michael... I don't want to put my life on hold. This is my one chance to be happy... To love someone and have him love me back without all of this garbage that has made us miserable our whole lives getting in the way. I've put a lot of thought into it, and I don't see any reason why Jesse has to know the truth.
Michael: Well, knowing what i know about alien s*x, he's gonna have major questions after the honeymoon.
Isabel: ok, michael, get out of my room.
Michael: what did max say? [Sighs]
Isabel: I'm gonna tell him when he gets back. Come on, michael. Just congratulate me.
Michael: On what? [Back at the Hollywood party]
Man: Mmm. Call me tomorrow? Do lunch?
Kal: max. That picture of yours... Stick around. I got somethin' I'd like to throw at ya.
Man: you sure you don't want me to st--
Kal: good night, brian.
Man: Ok. [Kyle raises his hand, and Max flies across the room]
Kal: you come to my home. You taunt me in front of my friends. You threaten... To expose me!
Max: I have a son.
Kal: You mated with another alien hybrid.
Max: My child is back on antar. he's in trouble. That's why i need the ship... And one of its pilots.
Kal: The air force reassembled that ship. But it will never fly.
Max: If anyone can get it up and running, it would be you.
Kal: I told you... I told you i would kill you. [Choking]
Max: you're gonna have to. Uhh! [Langley breathes rapidly and shallowly- he raises his hand again towards Max]
Max: you can't kill me, can you? You've had so many chances. Utah...Yesterday in the film vault... but you can't... Because you're my protector. Get as mad as you want, but get one thing straight-- I am not going anywhere until you help me. [Back in the diner, Maria and Liz are discussing Isabel]
Maria: I still can't believe Isabel's getting married. This is, like, a disaster of epic proportions. If you think michael freaked when he found out, Max is gonna go ballistic. And who is jesse ramirez?
Mrs Evans: Hi, girls.
Maria: Oh, hi, ms. Evans. You're here! I--i mean... How are-- how are you? Good.
Mrs Evans: So...What's new?
Maria: Uh, nothing. You know Roswell. [Maria chuckles uncomfortably]
Mrs Evans: Hmm. Well... Actually, I, um... I was looking for michael.
Liz: Oh, I'm sorry, but he's not working today.
Mrs Evans: Oh. Well, Maria, would you kindly remind him that he still has my 9-by-13 casserole dish? Isabel took something over weeks ago for Max, and I'd like it back.
Maria: I--well, I'll remind him. Definitely.
Mrs Evans: So, liz... How is max?
Liz: Um... He's fine.
Mrs Evans: I was wondering if you happen to have his new cell phone number. Apparently, he, um, he changed it when he moved out. I've left a couple of messages at michael's, but...I'm not even sure he's living there anymore. I just want to talk to my son. I want to know that he's safe. I'm sure you can understand that, can't you?
Liz: I'm sorry, but i can't help you.
Mrs Evans: Well... I'll let you girls get back to work. Ok. Bye.
Maria: open defiance of a parental unit. Whoo! This is just so twisted and... Romantic. You and max are totally Romeo and Juliet against the world.
Liz: Well, actually, romeo never called last night.
Maria: What?
Liz: Yeah. [Liz takes a man's plate]
Man: Hey! I'm not done!
Maria: He'd better be in a ditch somewhere.
Liz: Maria, do not say that.
Maria: I'm just saying blowing off a phone date is unacceptable, that's all.
Liz: Look, I am just trying to convince myself that he's not hurt or worse, that he is just busy.
Maria: Call his alien butt.
Liz: No. No, I am not gonna become the codependent girlfriend, not when he is on this whole quest.
Maria: Ok, I respect that... But, i mean, how long is this thing gonna take? He may never find his son.
Liz: Thanks for the pep talk, maria.
Maria: No. Ok, there's no doubt in my mind that he is madly in love with you, but, i mean, you're half of this couple. You know, you can't forget that. [The next day, Max shows up at Kal's Mansion]
Kal: That'll be all, Giselle. Thank you.
Max: Why would someone who can't feel get a massage?
Kal: Excuse me?
Max: You had your finger in a lit candle last night, and you didn't even flinch. See, i don't think you can smell or taste, either. You must have a thousand lemons in your fridge.
Kal: I like tea.
Max: See, i don't remember much when I first came out of the pods, but I do remember this-- the first few months, I couldn't smell or taste anything except for strong flavors... Sugar, lemon...Tabasco. Eventually, our senses matured.
Max: You don't know how lucky you are to have even a fraction of human dna inside you?
Max: You have human envy?
Kal: there's not a sensual pleasure on this planet i can't afford, but I can't experience it, not like they can.
Max: if your life is so limited, then how can you stand living here?
Kal: I've learned to diminish my alienness.
Max: How? I don't shapeshift. I haven't done it in years. Gives the body organs a chance to function.
Max: That seems impossible.
Kal: Well, first 30 years, it was. Then, in 1978... I smelled chlorine in the pool. Soon after that, lemons. Last 20 years was a bust, but don't you feel sorry for me. I love my life. can you say the same?
Max: I need to find my son. He's in danger. You can help.
Kal: No, max.
Kal: This is my home- hollywood, california, U.S.A., Planet earth. [Telephone rings] [clears throat] [beep]
Kal: hello! Nicki, baby. No. No, no. No. I want your client on my set in 2 days. That's not true. I'll e-mail you a copy of the contract. I only yell because I love. Later.
Kal: Hey, kid... [Beep]
Kal: this'll cheer you up. C.E.O. Of nokia? He gave me this. I got his granddaughter to meet brad pitt. Only other guy who's got it is Dick Cheney. George W. Is still pissed.
Max: Oh, yeah? Let me see it.
Kal: Huh? The phone. If it's that amazing, hand it over. It's yours.
Max: What? I mean,
Kal: you just--you said-- hey, you said yourself i should be more giving. Stick around. Have a sandwich. Take a swim. See you later, Max. [Mrs. Evans walks in on Isabel kissing Jesse]
Mrs Evans: Isabel, honey, do you have-- uh... Um... Do you have the number of the, uh, printer that we used for your graduation announcements?
Isabel: Yeah, it's in my planner. I'll go get it.
Mrs Evans: Oh, no, no, no, no. I...I can find it, why don't you two just... Go back to doing whatever... It was that you were doing. [Mrs. Evan's gets Max's new number out of Isabel's planner]
Max: hello?
Mrs Evans: Max. It's mom.
Max: Hi
Mrs Evans: how are you?
Max: good. I'm good.
Mrs Evans: Where are you, honey?
Max: I'm in california, mom.
Mrs Evans: california? Why?
Max: Just...Because...Mom. What is happening to our family? Do you know about your sister?
Max: What about her?
Mrs Evans: She and jesse ramirez got engaged.
Max: Wait. W-what? And you're ok with this?
Mrs Evans: Oh...Doesn't much matter what I think. But, max, isabel values your opinion. Will you talk to her?
Max: Ok.
Mrs Evans: ?Do you need anything?
Max: No, mom.
Mrs Evans: I just wanted to hear your voice. I love you so much, max.
Max: Me, too. Bye.
Kal: How's mommy?
Max: Why did you give me your phone?
Kal: I'm huge. I can get another one.
Max: Langley, stop. Look at me. Do you like ice cream?
Kal: I'm on the zone.
Max: Would you like to get me some?
Kal: No.
Max: angley, get me some ice cream. You see, i've been thinking about this. You didn't give me the phone because you felt sorry for me. You did it because i told you to. when i give a direct order you have to follow it, don't you?
Kal: Yes.
Max: I wish i knew these rules a little sooner, Kal. We could've saved some time.
Max: You and i are gonna find that ship.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Max and Kal arrive at the air force base]
Max: Let me hear the plan again.
Kal: I will meet with general chambers, the military consultant i've used on many Kal Langley productions. I will find out where he ship is being stored and wet permission to examine it .
Max: Because...
Kal: Because I am striving for authenticity on my new picture, ...Saturn skies.
Max: Be real casual. Play it like it doesn't matter whether or not he gives what you're asking for because if you get too eager, he might get suspicious.
Kal: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you giving me direction? I'm sorry, but how many academy awards have you won, huh? 'Cause i've won 4. [Kal meets with the general]
Kal: Aaaah!
General: Kal, you old dog, how are ya?
Kal: Eddie!
General: You hollywood boys. Who's the kid?
Kal: Him? Nah, he's... Just an intern. Wait here. [Isabel and Michael are talking] IS
Michael: we're not doing this here.
Isabel: When you get together with maria, nobody stood in your way, and max can clearly do whatever the hell he wants. I am the only one who seems to have to follow the rules.
Michael: I'm not changing my opinion. This marriage is wrong.
Isabel: Wrong for who? Ok, maybe this doesn't seem rational to you but it doesn't have to. I am crazy about this guy. God, michael, all I am asking for is a normal life.
Michael: And why doesn't jesse deserve the same thing? Everybody that we come into contact with is at risk. Only in his case, if and when the trouble starts, he won't even know what's coming. That kind of sucks.
Wedding Planner: Isabel! Oh, I'm so glad to run into you.
Isabel: One second...
Michael: If you really loved him, you wouldn't be this selfish.
Wedding Planner: Look at this. I just discovered a new horse-drawn carriage company. How about the fantastic gold tassels on his harness?
Isabel: Horses, um... I am actually the only girl who never liked them. We're gonna be taking a car to and from the reception.
Wedding Planner: Honey, do me a favor, just take this home and show it to your mom. you know, the more i think about it, the happier I am you turned down that april date at Emden pond.
Isabel: What?
Wedding Planner: Yeah, your mother was right, it's just too nippy that time of year.
Isabel: You talked to my mother?
Wedding Planner: When the date opened up, I called her right away. [Cell phone rings] [sighs]
Isabel: excuse me. hello?
Max: So you think you're getting married?
Isabel: H-how did you-- how did you find that out?
Max: Mom tracked me down. Isabel, you've only known this guy for a month.
Isabel: 4 months, and don't call him "this guy."
Max: Either way, I don't see the urgency.
Isabel: gonna have this conversation with you on the phone.
Max: Look, just don't make any more plans until I get back.
Isabel: Stop it. I am not a child.
Max: Yeah, well, you're acting like one.
Isabel: Yeah, well, you, too.
Wedding Planner: Uh, well, uh, you... Have a good one, ok? [Kal and the general are talking in the General's office]
General: (on the phone) Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
General: >Kal, i wish I could help you, but the boys at the pentagon say it's a no-go.
Kal: Ed, come on. It's not like we're talking national security. Everybody knows this ship's a hoax.
General: Well, of course it's a hoax. I just think that after pearl harbor they're being a little bit more choosy. You understand.
Kal: But between you and me, the ship is on the base. Am i right?
General: Sorry, kal. I can't help you. [Kal leaves, and is confronted by Max]
Max: >Where are they holding it?
Kal: >He wouldn't say.
Max: >Well, someone else has to know. Who can you call?
Kal: They won't help us.
Max: You're not telling me something.
Kal: You've lost it, kid.
Max: Tell me what you know, kal.
Kal: The ship is here.
Max: Take me to it. [Mrs. Evans is folding clothes as Isabel walks in]
Mrs Evans: Hi, honey. How was class?
Isabel: You told max? That was my news to tell him. Where did you even find his number?
Mrs Evans: In your address book.
Isabel: oh, my god.
Mrs Evans: Isabel, let me explain.
Isabel: Don't. Please don't try to defend yourself. I ran into Windy today and she told me that a spot opened up at Emden pond, which I specifically said that I wanted, and you told her no. And then you go and tell Max, knowing full well that he won't approve. God, mom, you're acting like you don't want his wedding to happen.
Mrs Evans: Maybe I don't. I thought if i could just slow things down that maybe you'd come to your senses.
Isabel: Why?
Mrs Evans: Because you're making a mistake, Isabel.
Isabel: A mistake?! I love him.
Mrs Evans: Then date him. Get to know him. You don't have to marry him, Isabel. Not like this. Not in 6 months. For god's sake, isabel.
Isabel: I have been a good daughter. I have always, always made responsible decisions. Why would you think that now i'm not?
Mrs Evans: It hasn't even been a year since alex you graduated from high school without a firm plan for your future. I mean, your brother-- look what's happening with Max. We don't know. Your whole world has been torn apart. It only makes sense that you would grab ahold of the first stable thing that came along.
Isabel: No! That is not what he is to me.
Mrs Evans: He's not right for you.
Isabel: Why?! Because he's latino?
Mrs Evans: >Of course not!
Isabel: Then i don't understand why you don't want this to happen. I don't see any other reason for it!
Mrs Evans: Isabel, if you rush into this yo 're gonna wake up someday, sweetheart, and you are gonna be a bitter, live-at-home 20-year-old divorcee. Is that what you want?
Isabel: Thanks for your support, mom. [Max and Kyle are looking for the ship on the base]
Kal: It's in there.
Max: You can see through metal?
Kal: No. It's the only building big enough to hold the ship. [Max and Kal open the doors to find the ship]
Kal: Well, you got what you wanted. I'm leaving. Oh, I forgot to mention... You'll need the key.
Max: Oh, I forgot to mention I have it. You can't leave. You're my pilot.
Kal: i'll have to shapeshift to operate the controls.
Max: My son needs me.
Kal: You're asking me to throw away everything i've ever worked for.
Max: You'll never be human, langley.
Kal: You don't want to go back there. This is such a better place.
Max: I'm gonna find my son and then we're coming back. It won't be that easy.
Max: How do we get this ship out of here?
Max: Tell me how we do this!
Kal: First, you have to open up the hangar door, but not until i get the ship airborne. Too soon, the alarm'll go off and all hell will break loose.
Max: And then what?
Kal: I lower the entry beam and you step in and we're out of here. Please. Listen to your human side. I don't want to go.
Max: shapeshift. Fly the ship. [Kal Shapeshifts, and enters the ship] [Liz shows up to talk to Maria with a box of Max's stuff]
Liz: I brought your cd back.
Maria: Good.
Liz: Sure. There you go. How about these peanut butter pretzels? I know that you really like those. Here. Just take them. The past 3 simpsons on tape. Really funny episodes. And why don't you take these stupid cookies that I made. And this really ugly, stupid picture of myself. Why don't you just take it all, maria?
Maria: Are we breaking up? No call?
Liz: Nothing. And I was totally panicked unti| I talked to isabel on the phone and she told me that max called her this afternoon.
Maria: Come here. I feel your pain, girlfriend. And you know what? Whenever this happens to me, there's only one thing I can do, and that is take it out on michael. Let's go to his apartment right now.
Liz: You know that I have been with him through all of this. All of it. Any time that he needs anything, I'm there. Right? And he can't even pick up the phone.
Maria: Well, this phone that you speak of, it's a revolutionary concept, yes, but it does work both ways.
Liz: I know. [Back on the base, the ship begins to Rise - Max's cell phone rings. Liz's name shows up, and Max puts the phone back in his pocket. The ship crashes to the ground- alrams go off, and Langley is on the ground]
Max: langley.
Kal: [Weakly] too much damage from the initial crash. The generators overloaded.
Mrs Evans: Hey, you. There's leftover chicken in the fridge, honey.
Isabel: I didn't come to eat. I, um... I came because a spot opened up at the wedding pavilion at summerhaven park.
Mrs Evans: When will your father ever learn to load this thing right?
Isabel: Jesse and i are getting married there in 2 weeks.
Mrs Evans: You're what?
Isabel: Getting married in 2 weeks.
Mrs Evans: Because you're mad at me.
Isabel: No.
Mrs Evans: Yes, you are, isabel. You're trying to put me in my place, aren't you? You and I have been playing this game for years.
Isabel: No. This isn't about you. I came because I love you and I would very much like it if you would be a part of what is going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life.
Mrs Evans: I'm sorry, but I can't do that. [Knock on door]
Mrs Evans: michael.
Michael: Mrs. Evans. Come on in.
Michael: Yeah, maria said that you wanted this back, so i... Oh, is this a bad time?
Mrs Evans: No. No, not at all. Isabel, why don't you see if michael would like something to drink?
Michael: No, I'm fine. Thanks.
Mrs Evans: Isabel?
Isabel: Excuse me. [Back at Kal's mansion, Max helps him out of the car]
Max: Langley.
Kal: I destroyed my life for you tonight, all for nothing. Because of you, everything i've worked for is gone.
Max: Kal.
Kal: It's how you've always been, your majesty: Selfish and ungrateful. Being your protector might be encoded in my genes, but after tonight... I'll never stop hating you.
Max: kal. You were right. I slept with the enemy, then sent my own child back with her. It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I have to live with it every single day. It's my fault. I shouldn't have dragged you into this. But I didn't have anything to-- I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry.
Kal: Think of all the loved ones you almost left behind. Your sister... Girlfriend... Your mother, who feels like she's already lost you.
Max: How do you know about them?
Kal: It's my job. Go home, max. Don't come back. Word of advice... The more you embrace our alien side... The more you're gonna lose. [Isabel is walking in the park, using her powers to knock out street lights- Michael comes up on his motorcycle]
Michael: That's city property. What's going on with your mom?
Isabel: I'm getting married in 2 weeks and she told me she wanted nothing to do with the wedding. I'm all alone in this, michael. Do you have any idea how that feels? Max found out the other day. You can imagine what his reaction was. That's why i wanted-- I just--I needed you to congratulate me the other night. You know, can you be on my side just this once?
Michael: Isabel, you don't care what i think.
Isabel: How can you say that?
Michael: Because if you did, then you wouldn't have had maria break the news.
Isabel: I'm sorry. That was stupid. I just--I was afraid that you would freak out and I didn't think that i could handle it, so... I'm sorry. I know that you're worried about jesse, but I'm gonna keep him safe.
Michael: I hope you can.
Isabel: Michael, your opinion means as much to me as max's. You're like a brother to me, too.
Isabel: The point is to just kind of...
Michael: So in 2 weeks...
Isabel: Less than, actually.
Michael: Congratulations, isabel.
Isabel: Thank you. [Scene switches to Liz sweeping the floor-- Max knocks and comes in]
Liz: Hi.
Max: Hi.
Liz: When did you get back?
Max: Just now.
Liz: You didn't call.
Max: I was driving all night. I-- I just had to get back to see you. I-I'm sorry.
Liz: You can't do this, max. I love you, but... You know, lately, I just haven't been feeling it back.
Max: I didn't mean to...
Liz: But you did.
Max: liz, i know you've been here, alone, waiting for me, and... And I've... It was wrong. I--
Liz: no! Max. what, max? What happened?
Max: I failed. And my son... He's up there somewhere. I've just messed everything up. Langley's life. Yours. I'm so sorry, liz. I'm so sorry.
Liz: It's ok. It's ok. [Sobs]
Max: I'll never leave you, liz. | Plan: A: the help; Q: What does Kal Langley provide to Max? A: a dangerous journey; Q: What does Max undertake to learn the fate of Tess and his son? A: Roswell; Q: Where are Isabel and Jesse from? A: their impending marriage; Q: What do Isabel and Jesse have to face the negative reactions of their parents and friends to? Summary: Max, with the help of Kal Langley, undertakes a dangerous journey as he seeks to learn of the fate of Tess and his son. Meanwhile, back in Roswell, Isabel and Jesse must face the negative reactions of their parents and friends to their impending marriage. |
CBI
Rigsby: (whispers) Hey, you.
Van Pelt : (whispers) Hi. (chuckles) (footsteps approach)
Van Pelt: (normal voice) Oh, hey.
Rigsby: (normal voice) Hey, thought you'd gone home.
Lisbon: I wish. We're up. There's a double homicide In Rancho Rosa. Local sheriff's in over his head.
Rigsby: I'm on it.
Van Pelt: Boss, you've been promising me more time in the field Now's as good a time as any.
Lisbon: You're right. Rigsby, be a cover in the office on this one. Let's go.
Van Pelt: You're okay with this, I hope?
Rigsby: Absolutely, yeah.
Wood
(sirens wailing)
(indistinct chatter over police radio)
(indistinct conversations)
Jane: What's going on?
Van Pelt: Looks like two bullets to the chest for each of them. Freshness of the wounds suggest it happened in the last few hours.
Lisbon: Selby and Jana Vickers, 33 and 31 years old, from here in Rancho Rosa. Sheriff I. D.'d them from their driver's licenses.
Jane: Who found the bodies?
Lisbon: Couple of teenagers. This place is a local lover's lane. Apparently, thieves know that, too. Sheriff thinks that it's a robbery gone sour.
Van Pelt: Little old to be necking, aren't they?
Jane: There's an age limit on that?
Van Pelt: Plus their clothes aren't, you know, disheveled.
Jane: Good point. Oh, there's a little white thing there, sticking out from Jana's dress. Could you ju- yeah that's it.
Van Pelt: $800 dress.
Jane: Aha!
Lisbon: Is that a useful "aha" or an irritating "aha"?
Jane: The borrowed dress tells us they were going somewhere fancy and wanted to make an impression. Not usually something they'd go for, or they'd have a later model car. He needed a few pulls on the scotch just to take the edge off because he was nervous about who was gonna be there, which in a small town like this, likely means relatives or people from his past.
Van Pelt: Uh, wedding, maybe? Or birthday party?
Jane: No gift, which leaves...
Lisbon: No guessing games. Ay...
Jane: Uh, excuse me, sheriff? What's the name of the local high school?
High school
(music factory)
♪ everybody dance now ♪
(indistinct conversations)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Man: Stephanie?
♪ everybody dance now ♪
Oh, my God. You look fantastic.
Lisbon: I'm sorry. I'm not Stephanie. Whoa. Do that again, and I'll arrest you.
Man: Sorry, I had to. You've always been the one.
Man: No way. (men laughing)
Lisbon: Don't.
Jane: I'm not the one. (woman) Whoo!
(sighs)
(indistinct conversations)
Jane: High school. Best years of your life.
Girl: Welcome back to Rancho Rosa high. Go, Toros! I'm Tess- one of your student ambassadors this weekend. Nametags and reunion books.
Lisbon: We're with the California Bureau of Investigation. We need to know if Jana and Selby Vickers were expected here tonight.
Girl: (whispers) um... (normal voice) Yeah, Selby Vickers and his wife Jana. They also replied "yes" to tomorrow's homecoming picnic and dance. Is everything okay?
Lisbon: We need to talk to somebody who would know them.
Girl: Um... Redheaded woman- that's Willa Brock. She's the reunion committee chair.
Jane: You didn't really think we were young enough to be in this class when we walked in, did you?
Girl: Oh, everyone over the age of 21 looks the same to me.
Jane: Tactful and evasive- You're gonna do very well in life, Tess. Go, Toros.
(giggles)
Willa: I'm stunned. I mean, it was surprising enough Selby was even coming. Now this?
Lisbon: Why the surprise?
Willa: Well, he wasn't at the fifth or the tenth.
Lisbon: Because...
Willa: because he was expelled and never graduated.
Cordova: Selby pulled this- it was a really nasty prank. What was it, senior year?
Willa: Yeah.
Cordova: It was his one and only. Vice principal Desouza caught him, gave him the ol' boot.
Jane: What was the prank?
Willa: Uh, there was this, shall we say, socially challenged boy named Derek Logan.
Cordova: Selby dragged him into the girls' locker room, he blindfolded him with his own underwear, tied him up, naked, took his picture and then posted it all over the school. I mean, how sick is that, right?
Willa: It was disturbing.
Jane: Hmm. Uh, is there anything else you can tell us about him?
Cordova: I played football- starting running back. People around here are still talking about the five touchdowns I scored against Stratton.
Lisbon: What does that have to do with Selby?
Cordova: I was popular. I was a jock. He was a nobody. I don't know what kind of person he was.
Lisbon: How about his current life?
Cordova: I got nada. I got out of this town as fast as I could. I live down in Newport Beach now.
Lisbon: Hmm. How about you, Willa? Have you heard anything about Selby?
Willa: Oh... (chuckles) I host a daytime talk show in Chicago that tapes two shows a day and is about to go national. I'm lucky if I hear anything about my own family.
Jane: Uh, Derek Logan-that kid that Selby pulled the prank on- Could you point him out to us?
(man chuckles)
Gabe: Derek Logan? He's not here, is he? No way! (laughing)
Willa: Gabe, it's so good to see you again.
Gabe: You almost didn't. 5 hours I spent on the 101 driving here. (man) wow.
Willa: CBI Agent Teresa Lisbon, Patrick Jane, This is Gabe Nyland.
Jane: Hi.
Lisbon: D.A. for San Diego county. You've prosecuted a couple of cases for us.
Cordova: And now candidate for Lieutenant Governor of California. Give me the word, "g, " I start twisting arms for you on election day, huh? (chuckles)
Willa: Um, Gabe, Selby Vickers and his wife were found murdered at the glen-shot in their car.
Gabe: My, God. I hadn't even heard that name in 15 years till tonight. Any idea who did this?
Lisbon: It's early in the investigation.
Jane: You just got here, right?
Gabe: Yes.
Jane: So how is it that you knew Derek Logan wasn't here?
Gabe: Well, Derek left the school and moved out of state after that prank Selby pulled. Word is he killed himself.
Cordova: Are you serious? I heard he was a blackJack dealer at a casino.
Lisbon: Uh, we'd like to talk to some classmates that still live in the area. Maybe they know something about Selby.
Willa: Well, there are only a few, but, uh, the student ambassadors can probably point you in the right direction.
Lisbon: Thank you for your time.
Selby's apartment
Cho: Nothing jumps out on this, but I'm gonna have the tech guys give it a once-over.
Van Pelt: Mail's all big bills and small bank accounts.
Cho: They certainly weren't living the high life here.
Van Pelt: They didn't need to. This was home. They were happy.
(cell phone ringing)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Van Pelt: Agent Grace Van Pelt.
Rigsby: (phone) Hey. So I got you next of kin info on Selby. Uh, mother in Rancho Rosa. No luck on Jana, though.
Van Pelt: Thanks. Text me the address?
Rigsby: (phone) Will do. So I've never been to Rancho Rosa before. What's it like? (beep)
Van Pelt: Nothing special. A town.
Rigsby: (phone) Cool. What are you guys doing now?
Van Pelt: You know, investigating. (rewinding, beep)
Cho: Van Pelt, come here. Check this out.
Van Pelt: I gotta go.
Rigsby: (phone) Y-yeah. I'm-I'm busy... Too.
(hangs up receiver) (exhales deeply) (paper thuds)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cho: This is from yesterday morning. (beep)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Answering machine: I'm done playing games here. You hear me? Either you get me my money, or I'm gonna be forced to take action. (click, beep)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cho: So much for happiness.
High school
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lisbon: Mm. So you haven't seen Selby once in all these years? Supermarket, movie theater maybe?
Man: No. I mean, you know, if I did, I-I don't remember. (chuckles)
Jane: Hard to believe you, Stu.
Man: I'm sorry?
Jane: W-uh, really? Okay. Yeah? The hair plugs, the heels, this, uh, professional woman here posing as your girlfriend...
Girlfriend: Wait, wait. What did you just say? Whoa. (laughs) d-did he just call me... Did you- I-I mean- did he say to me that-
Jane: That's all we need for your time. (laughs) That's all the questions we have now, so...
Lisbon: Beg my pardon.
(Stu laughs) Yeah. All right.
Lisbon: That's all we have for now. Thank you.
Jane: I think you look lovely. Have a good evening.
Lisbon: Go, Toros. What's your problem?
(clicks tongue)
Jane: uh, it's just a room full of people lying to each other. Everyone here is trying so hard to show how much they've changed, when the mere effort screams that they haven't.
Lisbon: Or they actually do change- with exceptions like Mr. Hair plugs, of course. You got the rebel who took the bank job, the player that stays faithful to his wife...
Jane: The rebel took the bank job because she sees her rebellion is fruitless. The player stays faithful to his wife because the consequence of infidelity is much greater now. But their instincts- their instincts never change.
Lisbon: I'm a far cry from what I was in high school.
Jane: Eh, I wouldn't be so sure. Driven to succeed to the point of developing an ulcer, no tolerance for superiors less sharp than yourself, shutting out girls that wanted to hang out with you, blowing off boys that want to get close- All the while, at every turn, wondering, "what is it I really want?"
Lisbon: No.
Jane: And you played an instrument. my guess? Hmm. Clarinet.
Lisbon: Not even close. And we're done here. I'll get the guest list to Rigsby. I'll have him check everybody out.
Jane: Have him locate the whereabouts of Derek Logan.
Lisbon: You really think Logan laid in wait for 15 years and suddenly decided to take revenge on Selby?
Jane: Well, I think that Logan is as angry today as he was 15 years ago, maybe even angrier.
Lisbon: We'll check him out.
Jane: You know, I'm gonna stick around. I-I didn't go to high school. This is kind of fascinating for me.
Lisbon: You never went to high school?
Jane: No, I was busy.
Lisbon: You can stay. Just don't make me sorry I let you.
Jane: Bassoon.
Mrs. Vickers's home
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cho: Mrs. Vickers, when was the last time you spoke to your son?
Mrs. Vickers: Um, this morning. Selby always checks in on me before he goes to work, to see how I'm doing. He's... (voice breaking) was sweet like that.
Cho: Were you aware of any problems he was having? Work? Personal life?
Mrs. Vickers: Um, no. Just the opposite. Uh, things were starting to get good for him. After he left high school, things didn't go right for him.
Van Pelt: About high school- the prank he pulled-
Mrs. Vickers: (normal voice) I don't want to talk about that.
Van Pelt: Ma'am-
Mrs. Vickers: His whole life was spoiled by that-that incident. He lost a chance at college. He-he got stuck working in a little print shop. And then Jana came along, and- And she was like a whole new world for him. She encouraged him, and she told him to-to strive for something better, And-and he became a whole new person.
Van Pelt: We haven't been able to track down any family for Jana. Do you know where we can find them?
Mrs. Vickers: She didn't have anybody- Uh, nobody that I know of. She moved here from Poland, and Selby only met her a couple of months ago. A few dates and... (laughs) and they got married. It was all kind of a whirlwind.
Cho: Now, Mrs. Vickers, it's a bit unsettling, but I'd like you to listen to this message, see if you recognize the caller. Is that all right?
Mrs. Vickers: Yeah.
Answering machine: (beep) (man) I'm done playing games here. You hear me? Either you get me my money, or I'm gonna be forced to take action. (click, beep)
Mrs. Vickers: Well, I-I've never heard that voice in my life. Was my son involved with a loan shark or something?
Cho: Could be. We traced the phone call to a phone booth in Galatin.
Mrs. Vickers: That doesn't really tell us- Galatin? Th-that's where Jana's from. Uh, s-Selby met her there at a coffee shop when he was on a delivery run.
Van Pelt: Can you tell us anything about Jana before she met Selby? Maybe names of friends, where she worked?
Mrs. Vickers: No, all that Selby told me was that things were tough for her. Yeah, he didn't share any details, probably 'cause he didn't want me making any judgments.
High school
Cordova: (laughs) You remember what we used to call you? You were the frogman. (man laughs) Frog-because you played the french horn... Yeah. Well, no- d 'cause, you know, Y-you kinda sorta look like a frog, but no offense, but...
Phil: Yeah, no, I-I remember.
Cordova: Oh, man, we used to get on you. You know what? I'm sorry about that, sincerely, but, I mean what? We were kids, right? We were just kids.
Phil: Forget it, forget it. I have.
Friend: (laughs) Dude, that-that time we put the dead bird in his locker.
Cordova: Ohh, we did that. (laughs)
Phil: Yeah, yeah, you guys got me with that one.
Cordova: Does anybody still call you that-"the frogman"?
Phil: Well, pretty much everyone calls me "Phil, " except my son who calls me "dad."
Cordova: You fathered a kid? He fathered a- he- Go, frogman! Come on. Nice!
Friend: Good job. Didn't think you had it in you.
Cordova: Wait. Does he play the french horn, too? (stifles laughter) Because if he does, you could call him frogboy... or... Kermit.
Friend: or kermie.
(clicks tongue)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Phil: Really good to, uh, see you guys again.
Cordova: Come on. Hey, if the kid of yours ever needs any shaping up, you send him to a Cordova Sports Camp, okay? (laughter)
Phil: Vodka tonic, please.
Jane: Uh, top shelf. It's on me.
Phil: Thank you. (sighs) Um... You're one of the, uh, one of the CBI people.
Jane: Yeah.
Phil: I heard about what happened to Selby. That's-that's awful.
Jane: Hmm. Well, it doesn't appear to have dampened the mood here. L. J. Cordova seems to be having a great time.
Phil: Yeah. Frogman. (sighs) If I could go back in time and beat the crap out of him the first time he called me that...
Jane: It's not possible, Phil.
Phil: Oh, I know.
Jane: But you could just talk to him quietly and tell him how you feel.
Phil: (scoffs) He'd probably just laugh at me.
Jane: Probably. But at least you would know that you made an effort, right? And this is a-what? It's a 15-year school reunion. What are these reunions for, anyway?
Phil: (laughs) I don't know.
Jane: I understand. All those nights you lay there not being able to sleep, thinking about whether or not you should've confronted him. It's tough.
Phil: You know what? (clicks tongue) You're right.
Jane: You go, Phil.
Phil: Hey, L. J.
Cordova: What up, frog? (smack) What's your problem, man? (thud) (indistinct conversations) (thud) No, come on. Get off me! Come on. What are you-
Jane: Phil.
(grunting)
(glass shatters)
(man grunting)
(punches landing)
Man: Come here! Come here! Get off! (glass shatters)
(thudding)
(groans)
CBI
Jane: You know, this thing is a golden treasury of mullets.
Lisbon: A brawl? You started a brawl? Come on.
Jane: Well, I was, uh, I was going for something a little more contained, but I guess people just wanted to explore the physical.
Lisbon: And what information did you glean? I assume you were testing some theory or other?
Jane: Wow, Willa Brock was involved in eight different school activities, and she looked pretty good in cargo pants, which is hard to do.
Lisbon: There are people in the hospital.
Jane: Yes, but souls were healed. This was a cathartic brawl. It was-it was a therapeutic expression of-
Lisbon: (to Cho) Please.
Cho: Got a lead. Jana's I. N.S. entry records list a Galatin address as her destination- The property and residence of a Terence Badali. No real sheet, but he had a couple restraining orders from women back in the '90s. He could be our angry caller.
Lisbon: Go to Galatin. Take Van Pelt with you.
Cho: Okay.
Lisbon: You-go to hell. Take a toothbrush.
Jane: Which way is that? I'll go.
(Patrick chuckles)
Rigsby: What's so funny?
Jane: "if I want culture, I'll leave my yogurt out overnight." L. J. Cordova's yearbook photo quote.
Rigsby: Well, when you're done entertaining yourself, I got your Derek Logan update right here. Kid's life never turned the corner. Derek Michael Logan left Rancho Rosa a couple weeks after the Selby incident. Family moved to Virginia. He became a heroin addict. Couple years in and out of rehab. He died of an overdose on his 23rd birthday. School office has sent over his old student I. D. from their archives.
Jane: Mm-hmm. You know he kind of looks like you.
Rigsby: Mm. And, uh, this is the photo of the incident that, uh, Selby plastered around the school. How does any kid recover from that?
Jane: Well, in this case, they don't. Mm. How sad. Mm. And I was betting on Derek Logan as our killer.
Factory
Terence: Will you quit yanking me around? Okay, if you can't get it right, we're through. Now the order was for 5/16th Beech Wood, not for 5/16th warped Beech Wood.
Cho: Hey, Terence Badali? CBI. Need to talk to you about Jana Vickers.
Terence: (phone) I'll call you back. What about her?
Cho: You left a threatening message on her answering machine recently.
Terence: Well, how do you know it was me?
Van Pelt: Because an innocent person would say, "I didn't do it."
Terence: So what? I called her. Big deal.
Van Pelt: You called her and threatened her. Now she and her husband have been found killed, and so-
(thud)
(clattering)
(grunts)
(thud)
Cho: You're under arrest.
CBI
Terence: I panicked. As soon as you told me they were dead, I knew you were gonna blame me, and my brain said, "just run."
Cho: Your brain's a fool. Where were you last night?
Terence: I was watching college ball.
Cho: Can you prove that?
Terence: Notre Dame sucked. I live alone... Since that polish bitch left me.
Cho: She and you had a sexual relationship?
Terence: Well, she was my fiancée. I met her through this internet service. Uh, y-you pay a whole bunch of money, but you get to choose from these videos, and then they bring her over to the country, and she marries you.
Cho: That's a good deal.
Terence: Oh, I tell you, man, these eastern European types- they know how to take care of their men. (laughs)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cho: Right. What happened?
Terence: Well, she left me for this Vickers guy. She comes to me one day, says she met this guy at work, they fell in love...
Cho: Must've made you angry.
Terence: Yeah, you bet it did.
Cho: So you threaten to kill them unless they pay you off.
Terence: No, no, no. I threatened to turn her in to the I. N.S., because she had lied about all these things on her form. She was in this country under false pretenses.
Cho: How much were you asking for?
Terence: Well, I just wanted my money back- The money I put up to get her over here. I saved all my receipts. It was 25 grand. Well, and 5 grand for emotional suffering.
Cho: And what was her response?
Terence: She said they'd pay it. She admitted she owed me the money.
Cho: They were broke. Any idea where they were gonna get the money?
Terence: Jana said that Selby was gonna get it from an old friend.
Van Pelt: They guaranteed Badali they'd have it for him Monday, in cash.
Lisbon: At least we know Selby's sudden interest in the reunion.
Van Pelt: He was protecting his wife. It's kind of romantic. Noble, even.
Lisbon: Ugh. Motive, even. He must have asked somebody for money who really didn't like him asking.
Rigsby: Yeah, nice work, Grace.
Lisbon: I need to see that list of all the reunion attendees' arrival times.
Rigsby: Oh, yeah. Here you go.
Lisbon: Thanks.
Rigsby: So, uh, you and Cho saw some action, huh?
Van Pelt: Little bit, yeah.
Rigsby: That's cool.
Lisbon: You have Gabe Nyland arriving by plane the day before the murder. Are you sure that's right?
Rigsby: Yeah, there's an airfield in Stratton, the next town over. I checked the arrival logs. He flew in by private jet.
Lisbon: Be careful who you vote for Lieutenant Governor. One of the candidates lies.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hotel
(knock on door)
Gabe: Yes?
Lisbon: It's Agent Lisbon and Patrick Jane. We just have a few follow-up questions for you.
Gabe: Hi. How can I help?
Lisbon: Last night at the reception, you said you'd just gotten in, but we know you flew in the day before the murders. Can you explain the discrepancy for us?
Gabe: Come on in. I came a day early for a private fund-raising dinner. I said I'd just arrived, because I didn't want my classmates thinking I'm up here shilling during reunion weekend.
Jane: This is a nice room. Is it the, uh, presidential suite?
Gabe: Something like that.
Jane: Is the bedroom nice? How's the mattress?
Gabe: Uh, it's adequate.
Jane: Can I see it?
Gabe: Well, no. Why would you want to?
Jane: Why not?
Gabe: Because I'm entitled to my privacy.
Girl: Hello again.
Gabe: There was no inappropriate relationship.
Lisbon: You call it an inappropriate relationship. The law calls it soliciting s*x from a minor.
Gabe: She came to my door, had an idea she wanted to discuss about a youth voter effort for my campaign. I'm not going to discourage some enthusiastic kid who wants to get involved.
Lisbon: No, no. You hide 'em in your bedroom.
Gabe: I had to. Media people follow me everywhere I go now. If I open that door and it's some guerrilla photographer, our faces end up on the internet, both of our lives are ruined.
Jane: You're very good at this- selling a case with passion, even though it holds no water. Explains why you're such a successful D.A.
Gabe: It's the truth.
Jane: Well, that should be easy to confirm. Lisbon, could you have the social worker bring, uh, Tess in, please?
Gabe: No, please. This is on me. She didn't ask for any of this.
Jane: You care about her. You genuinely care about her. Well, she's very friendly... and diplomatic. Diplomatic... and evasive, like a politician... like her father. That, and you have the same shape front teeth. They are your real teeth, aren't they?
Lisbon: She's your daughter?
Gabe: Her mother was a year behind me. Tess was born a few weeks before I graduated. Families agreed to keep it quiet. But I've always done right by Tess. Come out to see her whenever I can. Discreetly, of course.
Lisbon: Did you ever see Selby when you visited?
Gabe: Last year, at a gas station just outside of town. We said a quick hello, went our separate ways.
Lisbon: Maybe Selby found out about Tess, threatened to expose you.
Gabe: Not Selby Vickers. He wouldn't threaten a fly. A super nice guy. He tried to do right by people.
Jane: What'd you talk about with Selby at the gas station?
Gabe: Small talk. I told him I was gonna run for Lieutenant Governor, and he offered to print the campaign flyers, free of charge.
Jane: Was he the same way in high school?
Gabe: Always-help you with your homework, he'd share his lunch with you, he was just happy knowing that you liked him. Even that thing with Logan, he just did it to be popular. I've answered all your questions. I think you should go now.
Lisbon: Jane.
Jane: What?
Lisbon: Come on. Oh. Sorry. Very nice to meet you. Your politics are a roiling mess of greed and cynicism, but you have a lovely daughter.
High school
(indistinct conversations)
[SCENE_BREAK]
L. J.: Aw, him again.
Willa: Oh. (sighs) I'll take care of it. Mm.
(footsteps approach)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Willa: Mr. Jane, hello.
Jane: Willa, right? Regional TV personality.
Willa: Yes. (laughs)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jane: Yeah. (laughs)
Willa: Um, anything I can help you with?
Jane: Oh, I'm just here for the big game. Football-I love it!
Willa: How goes the investigation?
Jane: Oh, my colleagues are pursuing several leads, uh... nothing definitive yet.
Willa: Mr. Jane, this is a weekend of celebration. Your presence is making a few people uncomfortable.
Jane: Should I go away? Should I leave Selby and Jana unavenged because of some low comfort levels? Is that what you're saying?
Willa: No, no.
Jane: What are you saying then? (laughs)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Willa: I- Never mind. (laughs) Okay.
Jane: Willa, I do have a question.
Willa: Yes?
Jane: How are the burgers?
Willa: The burg- (laughs) The burgers are good. Very good.
(indistinct conversations)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jane: Vice principal Desouza, do you mind if I join you? (clicks tongue)
Desouza: Wow, look at you. All grown-up. Sit down. Tell me what you've been up to these days.
Jane: Nice cover. I didn't actually attend this high school. In fact, I didn't attend any high school. I'm with the CBI.
Desouza: Oh, please, please. These reunions are insufferable. What I wouldn't give to be home on my couch, glass of wine, good book.
Jane: Well, I take it you heard about Selby Vickers and his wife.
Desouza: Oh, yes. That's-that's a tragedy. Selby was a truly good kid, you know, until that one incident with Derek Logan.
Gymnasium
Desouza: Derek Logan was definitely a different kind of duck. He wore the same tattered Jacket, be it hot or cold, always hugged the wall as he walked down a hallway. He was off.
Jane: "off" isn't tolerated in high school.
Desouza: Well, certainly not in the 30 years I've been doing this job.
Locker room
Desouza: Right over there is where it all happened.
Jane: hmm.
Desouza: Derek's folks sent him to a shrink afterwards... (sighs) but it didn't help. A month later, they pulled him out of school. That was the last I heard of him.
Jane: Hmm. Did Selby ever give a reason why he did it?
Desouza: You know, I asked him, but he just shrugged. You know, gave me that teenage "I don't know." (sighs)
Jane: How'd you catch him? Derek was blindfolded, right?
Desouza: Yes. He heard his attacker's voice, though. He thought it sounded like Selby. I confronted Selby. He confessed quite readily, like the helpful, honest boy he usually was. It's very strange.
Jane: Hmm.
CBI
Rigsby: You want me to memorize everything we have on all 67 alumni that showed up at the reunion?
Jane: Yes, I do.
Rigsby: And how would I do that?
Jane: It's easy. You build a memory palace.
Rigsby: Um, I thought that was just some card player's trick.
Jane: Well, it's multipurpose. It's perfect for recalling a large body of information. All you need is a physical location that you know well, and you break it down in your mind into smaller pieces and link each one to a package of the information, like this. I walk in the door, and I'm greeted by reunion chair Willa Brock- former class president, debate team captain, led the team to three county championships, now a talk show host in Chicago. I sit down at the table and catch up with Dana Greer-swimmer, now a realtor in Los Angeles, married to a gentleman by the name of Arthur. And so on and so forth.
Rigsby: Okay.
Jane: When you want to remember the details, you close your eyes, and in your mind, you walk around your very own memory palace.
Rigsby: (laughs) Yeah, yeah, but I-I can't learn all stuff in just a couple hours.
Jane: It comes very quickly once you get the hang of it, and they'll be wearing nametags.
Rigsby: But why? I mean, why would I memorize all these-
Jane: It's fun.
Rigsby: This is some dubious scheme that Lisbon doesn't know about, isn't it? Yeah, you can count me out.
Jane: Sorry, you gotta do it.
Rigsby: Uh, no, I don't.
Jane: (exhales deeply) If you, uh, don't cooperate, I'm gonna be forced to tell Lisbon about you and Van Pelt.
Rigsby: Tell what? There's nothing to tell.
Jane: Really?
Rigsby: Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about.
Jane: Ah. Contrary to very strict CBI rules and regulations, you and Grace Van Pelt are engaged in an illicit affair.
Rigsby: Nope.
Jane: You're being childish.
Rigsby: Don't tell Lisbon. She'll report us to H. R.
Jane: Well, she's a stickler.
Rigsby: They'll throw one of off the unit.
Jane: Better get to work.
High school
(Los Del Rio's "Macarena" playing) ♪ hey, macarena, ay! ♪ ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegria macarena ♪ ♪ que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena ♪ ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegria macarena ♪ ♪ hey, macarena, ay! ♪ ♪ macarena tiene un novio que se llama ♪ ♪ que se llama de apellido vitorino ♪ ♪ que en la jura de bandera el muchacho ♪ ♪ es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena ♪ ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegria macarena ♪ ♪ hey, macarena, ay! ♪
Jane: School would be so much more fun if they started the day with this every morning instead of the, uh, pledge of allegiance. Or maybe they could, uh, just integrate the two into the "dance of allegiance."
Lisbon: We're taking a real flier here.
Jane: This better work.
Jane: Timpani.
Lisbon: No.
Jane: Huh. Really got me stumped on that one. I'm just guessing now.
Lisbon: Look, we'd better get this thing going before people start leaving.
Jane: Patience. The fun will commence shortly.
(Ini Kamoze's "Hotstepper" playing)
♪ na, na-na-na, na ♪ ♪ na-na-na, na ♪
Rigsby: Hey, how's it going? (clicks tongue) Nice to see you. Long time. (chuckling) Hey.
Woman: Hey.
Rigsby: (under breath) Okay. Coffee machine. (normal voice) Stu McPine? How goes it with my favorite photo club president? (laughing)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Stu: It goes great. How goes it with you?
Rigsby: It goes whatever's better than great.
Stu: You know, I-I forgot your name.
Rigsby: Well, it's, uh... Derek Logan. Yeah. And it's great to be back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hi. How are ya? Hi. Nice to see you. See you. Oh, yeah.
Jane: This is gonna be good. I promise.
Rigsby: Great to see you, too, man.
Willa: Derek Logan. I-I can't believe it.
Gabe: Yeah, you've changed.
Rigsby: Well, who would've thought that the girl who brought four schools to their knees in the high school county debate finals would be lost for words, huh?
Willa: (laughing) You-you just look so different.
Rigsby: Let's just chalk it up to 15 years' worth of solid hours at the health club, plus maybe a little bit of work. You gotta look good in my business, huh? You know what I mean?
L. J.: Had to see it to believe it. Derek Logan! (grunts)
Rigsby: Hey. L. J., hey! (quietly) Refrigerator.
L. J.: What?
Rigsby: (normal voice) Rancho Rosa versus Stratton- The ball is on our 10,2 seconds on the clock, Sims hands it off, bam! You run 90 yards, touchdown, Toros win.
L. J.: (laughing) Oh, you're- you're half right. That was against Deerfield. And it was a pass, not a handoff, but it was close. Man! That's Derek freakin' Logan! Whoo! (chuckles) (laughing)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rigsby: I'm gonna, uh, make the rounds to say some hellos, but it is great to see you guys. Wow!
(indistinct conversations)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jane: Wow, you're a natural.
Rigsby: (under breath) I can't do this.
Jane: You're doing it. You ready for phase two?
Rigsby: (sighs) I can't.
Jane: Think of it this way- you mess up, we blow the case, and I tell Lisbon.
Rigsby: (sighs) Oh, you're a cold b*st*rd, you know that?
Willa: Good evening, fellow Toros! (cheers and applause) (laughing) Now is the part of the evening you've all been waiting for- the achievement awards! (cheers and applause) As voted by you- the 15th reunion class of Rancho Rosa high! (cheers and applause)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jane: Break a leg.
Rigsby: (clears throat) Yeah.
Willa: Our first award- The "I can't believe they're still together" award, which goes to-
Rigsby: Dave Mercer and Angie Diaz Mercer. No surprises there, am I right, gang? (chuckles)
Willa: What are you doing?
Rigsby: I'm-a let you finish, Willa. I, uh, just want to say a few quick words.
Willa: Okay. Just make it fast, okay?
Rigsby: Sure.
Willa: Uh, slight change of schedule. We'll get right back to the awards, but first, Derek Logan!
(scattered applause)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Man: Yo, D. L.
Rigsby: (chuckles) Yeah. I'm, uh, sure most of you are scratching your heads, wondering why, uh, why I'm here. I came here tonight because, uh... I wanted to see how it felt like to be here again. I'm not the same person I was 15 years ago, so when I walked in that front door tonight, It felt good. (scattered applause) Thank you. But as soon as I set my eyes on you people, I remember how it felt the last time I walked out that door, and I was that sad, defeated kid again. Sure, go ahead. Feel sorry for me. But you should also feel sorry for Selby, may he, uh, rest in peace.
About a month ago, Selby called me. He'd been, uh, trying to track me down for months, he said. He wanted to apologize and, uh, to tell the truth about what really happened that day- (retching) The truth that never came out. You see, Selby was a follower, not a leader, and he did what he did because somebody else was there that day. (crowd murmuring) Somebody told him to do what he did to me. Yeah, that's right.
Phil: Hey, Gina, what's up? He'll be fine. Just, um, uh... give him an aspirin.
Rigsby: and I now know who it was. And that is the real reason I am here. I am here to make you pay. (murmuring grows louder) you-you ruined my life, uh, that day. And I've spent 15 years struggling to get it back. (chuckling) and now, now I have. Oh, yeah. And I will have my revenge. Payback is-is-is a bitch, like, uh, in that movie with, um, uh... Uh, Mel-Mel Gibson where they- where they kidnap his child. Um, you know. Uh, or is it the other one? Uh, anyhow, um, that's me. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Go, Toros. (crowd continues murmuring) (scattered applause) Willa's room
(door opens)
Willa: What ar- what do you think you're doing?
Jane: Oh, the maid lent us this. You still should tip her.
Lisbon: Must've been hard walking out in the middle of a big event you planned.
Willa: (chuckles) The speech was boring, and I have to get back to Chicago. I have two shows to prepare for on Monday.
Jane: I have a great idea for your show. Uh, "humiliating pranks and the people who initate them." You could be your own guest.
Willa: (laughing) You- you have no basis for that. I just-I didn't want to have to hear Derek go on and on about-
Lisbon: Your talk show goes national soon.
Willa: So?
Lisbon: If Selby had gone to the media with the story of how you brutalized a helpless boy, your big chance would be history. So you arranged a meeting with Selby to get the money. Jana showed up with him, which you weren't expecting, so you killed them both.
Willa: Okay, I-I didn't have to pay him or kill him. Uh, Selby didn't have a stitch of proof putting me in that locker room. The media would've ignored him as a crackpot.
Jane: "I have immortal longings in me." Do you remember that quote?
Willa: Uh, uh, it's Shakespeare. I-I think it was the quote in my yearbook photo.
Jane: And an apt one. High school was a wonderful time for you, wasn't it?
Willa: Yeah, you could say that.
Jane: Star student, class president, champion debater- You were at the top of the social hierarchy. Willa Brock was the queen of the school. Your world was perfect.
Willa: Yes.
Jane: Yeah. But then something happened and unsettled that perfect world. Derek Logan irked you, somehow. And you just couldn't let it pass without a response, so you turned on the charm, you manipulated Selby to do your bidding, knowing that he'd be thrilled to help the popular girl- The girl he was always a little in love with. And then you destroyed Derek Logan, to the delight of your peers. And you enjoyed it, 'cause you found it all so easy and so empowering and exciting, right? All your success at Rancho Rosa high- This... was Willa Brock's crowning achievement. (whistles) You've aged well. It looks like Selby took more than one photo that day in the locker room, didn't he? Have a look at that. Check that out. (camera shutter clicking) This is Selby's proof, but you didn't want to pay him all that money and risk him blackmailing you again, so you killed him and his wife Jana. Kinda poetic, how you were done in by your own vanity.
Willa: Derek Logan told everyone I let him touch me- Like I ever would. I was deeply humiliated.
Lisbon: So you ruined his life. And Selby and Jana Vickers had to die, too.
Willa: Selby falls for that little polish girl and suddenly grows a spine? (sighs deeply) Things would have been perfect if he just stayed lonely and pathetic.
Lisbon: Close call. If she'd have destroyed the negative that Selby had given her, we'd have no evidence and no case.
Jane: It was a trophy. It was a reminder that the great Willa Brock can crush anyone that dares stand in her way, just like 15 years ago.
Lisbon: Yes, yes. Nobody advances an inch from high school. You proved your point.
Jane: Their instincts never change.
High school
[SCENE_BREAK]
Phil: Selby and Derek would both be grateful. You two have an open invitation if you want to join us at the 20th. (Patrick chuckles)
Lisbon: Hopefully, we won't need to.
Jane: Keep it in the dojo, Phil.
Lisbon: One thing I don't get- How did you persuade Rigsby to play this charade?
Jane: I told him that you promised to give him Monday off.
Lisbon: Not happening.
Jane: Well, that puts me in an awkward position. I-I-I-I held up my end of the bargain.
(Extreme's "More Than Words" playing)
Lisbon: Oh, God. I used to love this song.
Jane: Loved the song.
Lisbon: I used to love this song. (chuckles)
Jane: You love this song. Yeah. Obviously, you want to dance.
Lisbon: With you? No.
Jane: Oh, come on. You can pretend that I'm that mean, cold-hearted guy that you used to worship from afar, but never talked to.
♪ how easy it would be ♪
Lisbon: Hmm. No funny stuff.
♪ more than words ♪ ♪ is all you have to do ♪ ♪ to make it real ♪ ♪ then you wouldn't have to say ♪
Jane: Trumpet?
♪ that you love me ♪
Lisbon: No.
♪ 'cause I'd already know ♪ | Plan: A: the double homicide; Q: What did the CBI team investigate? A: Selby and Jana Vickers; Q: Who were murdered on their way to Selby's 15th high school reunion? A: information; Q: What did the CBI team attend the high school reunion to gather? A: Jane; Q: Who discovers a link to an old high school rivalry? A: a cruel prank; Q: What did Selby pull on Derek Logan? A: years; Q: How long has it been since Derek Logan has been seen? A: undercover posing; Q: How did Rigsby get to the reunion? A: his attendance; Q: What did everyone at the reunion express surprise at? A: Two; Q: How many former classmates of Logan's become uneasy after Rigsby's appearance? A: L.J.; Q: What is the name of the former classmate of Logan who becomes uneasy when Rigsby shows up at the reunion? A: his revenge; Q: What does Rigsby say he wants to get at the reunion? A: her "trophy" picture; Q: What do Lisbon and Jane find when they follow Willa out of the room? A: her direction; Q: What did Lisbon and Jane discover that Selby pulled the prank under? A: her upcoming national talk show; Q: What did Willa kill the Vickers to protect? Summary: The CBI team investigate the double homicide of Selby and Jana Vickers; a couple murdered on their way to Selby's 15th high school reunion. The CBI team attends the reunion to gather information. Jane soon discovers a link to an old high school rivalry: Selby had pulled a cruel prank on Derek Logan back in high school, and Logan has not been seen in years. Rigsby goes undercover posing as Derek Logan, and everyone at the reunion expresses surprise at his attendance. Two of Logan's former classmates, L.J. and Willa, become very uneasy after Rigsby states that he has come to the reunion to get his revenge. Lisbon and Jane follow Willa out of the room and, after locating her "trophy" picture, discover that Selby pulled the prank under her direction. Willa decided to kill the Vickers after Selby began blackmailing her to jeopardize her upcoming national talk show. |
THE WEB OF FEAR
by MERVYN HAISMAN and HENRY LINCOLN first broadcast - February 24th 1968
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. OPERATIONS ROOM
(Professor TRAVERS screams as a YETI strikes him, and he collapses to the ground. ANNE rushes in, sees the YETI, screams in horror and faints before the creature can turn on her. The YETI, emitting its characteristic bleeping noise, drags the unconscious TRAVERS away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. TUNNEL
(The DOCTOR, JAMIE, VICTORIA and EVANS are racing to reach Covent Garden and the TARDIS. They come to a junction in the tunnel.)
JAMIE: Which way?
DOCTOR: It's this way to Covent Garden.
(He points down one of the turnings.)
JAMIE: You're sure Chorley's after the TARDIS though?
DOCTOR: Yes, certain of it. Why else would he lock us in?
JAMIE: Aye, mebbe you're right.
(EVANS indicates the other tunnel.)
EVANS: Like me to take a shufty down this tunnel? He might have taken a wrong turning.
DOCTOR: No, no, no, if he did it doesn't matter, does it?
(He heads off down his chosen turning, followed by the others.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. TUNNEL
(The COLONEL and ARNOLD are trying to catch up with Captain KNIGHT's group. The COLONEL stops and listens.)
ARNOLD: What is it, sir?
COLONEL: Something up ahead.
(He advances cautiously.)
COLONEL: It's alright. Captain Knight and his party.
ARNOLD: They've been very quick, sir!
COLONEL: Mmm...
(He walks forward with ARNOLD to meet KNIGHT and his soldiers.)
COLONEL: Any luck?
KNIGHT: Afraid not, sir. The fungus beat us to it. A hundred yards this side of Holborn.
ARNOLD: Just as if it knew what we were up to, sir.
COLONEL: Yes.
KNIGHT: There's just a chance, Colonel, that we might be able to get to Holborn via Piccadilly.
COLONEL: Fungus on the Central Line only, eh?
KNIGHT: Well, it's worth a try, sir.
COLONEL: Yes, right. Tottenham Court Road, down to Leicester Square, and up past Covent Garden. Come on, follow me.
(He leads the party off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. TUNNEL
(The DOCTOR's group continue through the tunnels.)
DOCTOR: This looks familiar - it's around this corner.
(They go round the corner, and are met by a wall of the web-like fungus totally blocking the tunnel.)
JAMIE: Oh no!
VICTORIA: Oh, we can't get to the TARDIS!
DOCTOR: No, Victoria, I'm afraid we can't.
JAMIE: What's happened to Chorley, then?
DOCTOR: That's what I'm wondering. Did he reach the TARDIS before the fungus, or... or did he not?
JAMIE: You mean to say, he could have got to the TARDIS and already have taken off in it?
DOCTOR: I don't know...
(He thoughtfully approaches the fungus and examines it.)
JAMIE: Hey, come back, Doctor!
DOCTOR: It's alright, Jamie, I'm not going to do anything silly. I... I just want to try and get a little bit for an analysis.
VICTORIA: Oh Jamie, stop him!
DOCTOR: It's alright, Victoria.
(The DOCTOR studies the web.)
DOCTOR: Has anyone got a box?
EVANS: I've got my tobacco tin.
DOCTOR: Oh, splendid.
EVANS: But then, it's got tobacco in it.
DOCTOR: Never mind.
(He takes the box from EVANS and empties the contents.)
EVANS: Eh!... Oh, alright. I only hope you think the sacrifice is worth it!
DOCTOR: Hold the tin for me, would you, Evans?
(The DOCTOR produces a pair of tweezers, approaches the fungus and clasps a strand. As he does so, the fungus starts pulsating and billowing. The DOCTOR struggles to tear the strand away.)
EVANS: Gone and set it off! Come on, now!
(The fungus continues to pulsate angrily.)
VICTORIA: Oh, it's horrible!
JAMIE: Go on, Doctor, get it out!
DOCTOR: Hold the tin underneath!
(He finally tears off a strand and drops it into the tin. EVANS closes the lid.)
DOCTOR: There we are - now back, everyone, quickly!
(They all make a hasty retreat.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. TUNNEL
(ARNOLD and BLAKE are ahead of the main party.)
ARNOLD: All right, Corporal. Nip back and tell Captain Knight it's all clear up 'ere. And get 'em to get a shift on!
BLAKE: Righto, Staff.
(BLAKE goes back along the tunnel. ARNOLD stops as he hears quiet footsteps approaching from the other direction, and turns to see EVANS coming cautiously around a corner.)
EVANS: Hello, Staff. (Calls back.) It's alright, it's just Staff Arnold!
ARNOLD: One of these days, Evans my lad, you're going to creep up onto someone once too often!
EVANS: Well, that's life, innit Staff?
(The DOCTOR, JAMIE and VICTORIA approach from behind EVANS, and KNIGHT and his party arrive from the other direction.)
DOCTOR: Any luck at Holborn?
ARNOLD: No - fungus.
JAMIE: Same back there.
ARNOLD: Right. I'll tell the Colonel. (To the civilians.) You lot had better get back to HQ. We'll be along in a few minutes.
DOCTOR: Come on, Jamie, I'll just show this bit of fungus to Travers.
JAMIE: Right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. ENTRANCE DOOR
(The DOCTOR, JAMIE, VICTORIA and EVANS approach the Goodge Street Fortress' metal entrance door.)
JAMIE: The door's open, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Let's see, Jamie.
(They go through the door, and are met by a scene of devastation; smashed furniture and other objects litter the floor inside the fortress.)
JAMIE: Hey, look at this!
DOCTOR: Good Lord! That's Yeti!
JAMIE: You don't think they may still be here?
DOCTOR: No.
JAMIE: I hope not!
(They move on. VICTORIA screams as she sees the floor ahead covered in the cobweb material.)
VICTORIA: Oh, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Quiet, Victoria!
(They inch carefully past the cobweb towards the Operations Room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. OPERATIONS ROOM
(ANNE lies on the floor in a dead faint as the DOCTOR's group enter.)
DOCTOR: Anne!
JAMIE: Miss Travers!
(The DOCTOR and JAMIE run to her, and lift her to a sitting position as she begins to stir.)
VICTORIA: Will she be alright?
DOCTOR: Yes, yes I think she'll be alright. Evans, get a chair for her, would you? Get her up, Jamie, come on.
(EVANS pulls a chair over, and they help ANNE onto it.)
DOCTOR: It's alright... it's alright now, Anne. Sit down...
(ANNE is now conscious, and gasping with shock.)
DOCTOR: ...there you are. It's alright now.
ANNE: (Gasping.) Oh, Doctor, Doctor, the Y... Yeti. Have they gone?
DOCTOR: Yes, they've gone now, it's quite safe now.
JAMIE: What happened?
ANNE: My father... the Yeti! The Yeti, they've taken him! Oh, my...
(She is still gasping, and close to hysterics.)
DOCTOR: Jamie, you'd better get her to the Common Room. You go too, Victoria.
JAMIE: It's alright, we'll find him for you...
DOCTOR: Lie her down.
JAMIE: Easy, that's it.
(He helps ANNE up.)
EVANS: You OK?
JAMIE: Yeah, I'll manage, thanks.
(He leads ANNE out of the room, followed by VICTORIA.)
EVANS: D'you reckon they have?
DOCTOR: Have what?
EVANS: Taken him? Like she said?
DOCTOR: Yes, I'm very much afraid they have. But why? Why didn't they just kill him? Unless...
EVANS: Yes?
DOCTOR: Well, unless they had a use for him.
(The COLONEL and CAPTAIN KNIGHT arrive back from the tunnels.)
COLONEL: Ah, Doctor. What's this I hear about Travers?
DOCTOR: Well, the Yeti broke in while we were out looking for Chorley.
COLONEL: Chorley?
KNIGHT: What the devil was he doing in the tunnel in the first place?
DOCTOR: (Abruptly.) Well I'm not quite sure.
KNIGHT: I knew that one would panic.
(ARNOLD enters, a downcast look on his face, and salutes.)
ARNOLD: I'm afraid... young Weams has had it, sir, like the other poor devils outside.
COLONEL: I see. Staff, you'd better get...
ARNOLD: Yes, alright sir, we're doing that now. Evans, come with me.
EVANS: Staff!
(EVANS turns to leave, but stops by the COLONEL on his way.)
EVANS: Glad to see you're alright, sir.
COLONEL: Eh?
EVANS: Drove you to Holborn, I did, sir.
COLONEL: Ah yes, so you did.
ARNOLD: Evans!
EVANS: Sorry, Staff.
(He hurries off after ARNOLD.)
COLONEL: I can't make out why the Yeti broke in. I mean, they could have destroyed the place if they'd wanted to.
DOCTOR: Well, the answer's simple. They came for something, and they got it.
COLONEL: What was that?
DOCTOR: Well, Travers!
(Corporal BLAKE enters.)
BLAKE: 'Scuse me, sir, but I think you ought to come to the Ops Room.
KNIGHT: Why? What's happening?
BLAKE: That fungus stuff, it's on the move again!
(They all head through the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. OPERATIONS ROOM
(The illuminated map of the Underground network shows the black lines slowly closing in on Goodge Street. The DOCTOR, the COLONEL, KNIGHT and BLAKE watch the fungus's relentless progression.)
BLAKE: It's like a spider's web, ain't it?
DOCTOR: Yes. And we're the flies, alright, but... where is the spider?
COLONEL: Better give the others a hand, Corporal.
BLAKE: Sir.
(He salutes and leaves.)
COLONEL: Doctor. Been thinking about what you were saying earlier, about someone here in HQ being responsible for all this. Could it have been Travers?
DOCTOR: I doubt it.
KNIGHT: Well, after all he has disappeared.
DOCTOR: Yes - so has Chorley. I'd say he was a much more likely suspect.
COLONEL: True.
DOCTOR: On the other hand, of course, whoever is in league with the Intelligence could still be amongst us here.
COLONEL: That's a fact of which I am uncomfortably aware. But tell me, Doctor, this Intelligence - exactly what is it?
DOCTOR: Well I wish I could give you a precise answer. Perhaps the best way to describe it is a sort of formless, shapeless thing floating about in space like a cloud of mist, only... with a mind and will.
COLONEL: What's it after? What's it want?
DOCTOR: I wish I knew. The only thing I know for sure is that it brought me here.
KNIGHT: Brought you here?
COLONEL: Yes, been wondering how you got here.
DOCTOR: Yes, well I... I don't think there's any harm in telling you now. I - I have a craft, that travels in time and space.
KNIGHT: Oh, come now Doctor, you can't expect me to...
COLONEL: This craft of yours, this time-space craft. Could it get us out of here?
DOCTOR: Well, yes - but it's at Covent Garden!
COLONEL: What does it look like?
DOCTOR: It's a police box.
KNIGHT: Oh really, Colonel, surely you're not...
COLONEL: So - if we could rescue that craft, you could take us out?
DOCTOR: Yes, yes I could, but I have to stay here and finish Travers' work!
(JAMIE comes in.)
JAMIE: Ah, Doctor. Miss Travers is feeling alright now, and would like to see you right away.
DOCTOR: Very good, Jamie. Excuse me, gentlemen, please.
COLONEL: Yes.
(The DOCTOR and JAMIE leave the room.)
KNIGHT: Well, I've heard some stories in my time, but that one really takes...
COLONEL: So you don't believe him?
KNIGHT: No, of course not, sir! The whole idea is screwy. A police box!
COLONEL: Well whether you think it foolish or not, we are going to rescue that craft.
KNIGHT: Oh, but sir! Our job...
COLONEL: Captain Knight. The Army has failed to defeat this menace. Now the Doctor thinks he might succeed. Personally, I doubt it. But if we stay here, we're as good as dead. Therefore I do not intend leaving any escape route unexplored, however... screwy you may think it.
KNIGHT: Oh, surely Colonel...
COLONEL: Let's get on with it, shall we, Knight?
KNIGHT: Sir.
(KNIGHT marches out, but turns back to the COLONEL as he leaves.)
KNIGHT: I suppose you've considered that the Doctor might be leading us into a trap?
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. COMMON ROOM
(ANNE, now recovered, is talking to the DOCTOR, JAMIE and VICTORIA.)
ANNE: But... but there must be a chance! If the Doctor says...
DOCTOR: No, the soldiers could comb these tunnels for a fortnight and still never find him. I'm afraid your father's been taken by the Intelligence. The only way that we can save him is by finding the central control source.
JAMIE: Aye, if he's anywhere, that's where he'll be.
ANNE: But why? Why him? Why not me, or one of the soldiers, or...
DOCTOR: Yes, I know. Tell me, what was your father working on just before the Yeti broke in, Anne?
ANNE: Um... oh, we were ready to test the sphere with the control unit, but I don't see what this has to do with anything, Doctor.
DOCTOR: But don't you? If he was near to success...
VICTORIA: That's why they took him!
DOCTOR: Well, it's a possibility, isn't it? Now Anne, do you feel strong enough to come back to the laboratory?
ANNE: Yes, yes of course.
JAMIE: Anything we can do?
DOCTOR: No, no, you just take it easy, Jamie.
(The DOCTOR helps ANNE out of the room. JAMIE looks at a pensive VICTORIA.)
JAMIE: What's the matter?
VICTORIA: I've been thinking about what the Doctor said. Anything we do, the Intelligence always knows!
JAMIE: Aye, but I wouldn't let it worry you. The Doctor will soon find a way out.
VICTORIA: I wish I could believe that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. LABORATORY
(Watched by ANNE, the DOCTOR looks through a magnifying glass at the workings of the control sphere which TRAVERS had been working on.)
DOCTOR: Oh yes. Yes, this seems to be in order, Anne.
ANNE: My father didn't want it put together until this was in proper order.
(She shows him a small box-like controlling device.)
DOCTOR: Very wise. Let's have a look at this...
(He takes the control box.)
DOCTOR: Oh yes, yes... My word, this is a splendid piece of work, Anne.
ANNE: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Yes, this should control the sphere, alright, but would it override the commands issued by the Intelligence, I wonder?
ANNE: No. No, I'm afraid it won't. I just didn't have the time. Do you think we can do it?
DOCTOR: Oh, we can do it, if you've got the right bits and pieces.
(They look up as EVANS comes in, holding a small object in his hand.)
EVANS: Hope I'm not disturbing, Doctor, but Staff asked me to give you this.
(He shows them the object - it is one of the miniature model Yetis. The DOCTOR looks at it with horror.)
DOCTOR: Where'd you get this?
EVANS: On the floor, by that young lad Weams, it was.
DOCTOR: But this is what brought the Yeti to the explosives store! It's obviously been reprogrammed as a homing device, and you've given it to me!
EVANS: Here! You don't think I had anything to do with these Yeti, do you?
ANNE: Doctor! The other models - they've gone!
(ANNE indicates the workbench, where the remaining models had previously stood. The DOCTOR looks at EVANS suspiciously.)
EVANS: Well don't look at me! I didn't want to come down here in the first place! I shouldn't be down here at all, really. Driver, I am, see. You'd better have this, before you say I've nicked it.
(He hands the model Yeti to the DOCTOR.)
DOCTOR: Thank you.
(The DOCTOR begins examining the model. EVANS sees his tobacco tin sitting on the workbench.)
EVANS: And I'll have the tin back, when you've finished with it.
DOCTOR: Don't look so unhappy - we're all under suspicion, you know, including me.
EVANS: Hmm!
(He walks off briskly.)
ANNE: What's in the tin, Doctor?
DOCTOR: It's the fungus from the tunnel. I thought if we examined it, it might give us a clue. I must get this dismantled. It's like holding a time bomb.
(He starts work on the Yeti model.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. OPERATIONS ROOM
(The COLONEL is holding a briefing. He stands by a street map of Central London, while KNIGHT, ARNOLD, LANE, BLAKE, EVANS and a group of SOLDIERS watch.)
COLONEL: So my party will get above ground and approach Covent Garden by Neal Street. Is that clear?
(The soldiers murmur their understanding.)
COLONEL: Now Staff here will be taking the trolley through the tunnel, and will arrive, we hope, at the same time as we do. You picked your two men, Staff?
ARNOLD: Yes, sir. Lane and Evans.
COLONEL: Right. Now as soon as we get there, we shall be looking for a police box.
BLAKE: A police box, sir?
COLONEL: Yes, a police box. Now I want that box either out of the station or onto the trolley as quickly as possible. Is that understood?
ARNOLD: Yes, sir.
COLONEL: Right. Any questions?
BLAKE: Yes, sir, this, um... police box. Is it important?
COLONEL: Corporal Blake, we'd hardly be going to this trouble if it weren't.
KNIGHT: Who's going to look after the civilians, sir?
COLONEL: I'd like you to stay behind and look after them, Captain Knight. The Doctor's got work to do. Right gentlemen, time to go.
(He marches out of the room, followed by the others.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR has donned a pair of large gloves, and is reaching inside a clear observation dome. His hands hold EVANS's tobacco tin. ANNE watches over his shoulder.)
DOCTOR: Now you'd better stand back, Anne.
ANNE: Is it really necessary, Doctor?
DOCTOR: This fungus is an unknown quantity, you know.
(JAMIE and VICTORIA enter the laboratory.)
JAMIE: Ah, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Oh Jamie, what is it?
JAMIE: The Colonel says to tell you he's on his way.
DOCTOR: On his way where?
JAMIE: To rescue the TARDIS!
DOCTOR: He's wasting his time.
VICTORIA: Well that's what I told him. And I think that man Chorley must be behind...
DOCTOR: Now look! Get behind me, both of you, and keep clear. Here we go...
(Carefully opens the tobacco tin, keeping it safely within the observation dome. As he removes the lid, he sees that the tine is totally empty!.)
DOCTOR: No!
ANNE: What is it, Doctor?
DOCTOR: The tin's empty!... Evans!
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. ENTRANCE DOOR
(ARNOLD and EVANS prepare their gear for the journey through the tunnels.)
EVANS: Course, really I shouldn't be doing this, you know, Staff. Not officially on the strength down here, see. What I am really is a driver, you see...
ARNOLD: Don't try to come the old soldier with me, lad!
EVANS: Who, me?
ARNOLD: Yes, you! And when we get in the tunnels, don't you try to skive off, 'cos if you do I'll have you for breakfast. D'you understand?
(Corporal LANE appears from the direction of the tunnels.)
LANE: Trolley's ready, Staff.
ARNOLD: Right, come on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. A LONDON STREET
(The COLONEL, BLAKE and a number of soldiers march through the deserted streets of the capital.)
COLONEL: So far, so good. If we don't see any Yeti, we should make Covent Garden in about ten minutes. Come on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. OPERATIONS ROOM
(KNIGHT, the DOCTOR, ANNE and VICTORIA are gathered in the Ops Room. JAMIE comes into the room.)
JAMIE: Captain, they've gone, and Evans with them, I think. I can't find him anywhere.
KNIGHT: Yes, well we'd better question Evans carefully when he gets back.
JAMIE: Aye, if he gets back.
KNIGHT: It's a funny business, Doctor, that fungus disappearing.
DOCTOR: Yes, yes I know... Don't worry about that just at the moment. I've been working on this control box with Miss Travers. There's a few more things I need - transistors, circuits...
KNIGHT: Aren't there any in Stores?
DOCTOR: No, not of the right type.
KNIGHT: Well in that case, Doctor, I can't help you.
DOCTOR: Well - I was wondering... if I could go up to street level...
VICTORIA: The mist! Or the Yeti!
DOCTOR: There's no mist directly above us here - we'd have to risk the Yeti.
KNIGHT: No. No, I'm afraid that's out.
ANNE: It's terribly important. Please!
DOCTOR: It'll only take five minutes.
KNIGHT: (Reluctantly.) Alright. I'll get my gear.
DOCTOR: Well done, Travers!
KNIGHT: And while we're gone, you three lock yourselves in.
(KNIGHT and the DOCTOR leave.)
JAMIE: Oh aye!
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. TUNNEL
(ARNOLD, LANE and EVANS are taking a trolley along the rail tracks to Covent Garden. They have found their way blocked by a wall of fungus.)
ARNOLD: The Colonel will be through there at Covent Garden in a few minutes, right?
EVANS: Do you think they'll be able to load the police box on here, Staff?
ARNOLD: Well, if we can get this thing through the fungus stuff - there's not much of a gradient in this section of the tunnel. Right, I want one volunteer.
EVANS: Volunteer? That's a dirty word, that is. Not me!
ARNOLD: Lane?
LANE: What for, Staff?
ARNOLD: Well, if this thing wants some help going through to Covent Garden, I'm going through with it...
LANE: Into that stuff?
ARNOLD: Have we got those respirators?
LANE: Well yeah, here.
(He digs in a pack, and pulls out three gas-mask objects.)
ARNOLD: I reckon we should be all right in these.
(Puts one of the respirators on, and ties a rope to the back of the trolley. He sees LANE looking nervous.)
ARNOLD: Oh all right, Lane lad. I'll go by meself.
LANE: No, 'ang on a sec, Staff. That trolley's heavy, it'll take two of us to shift it.
(He pulls a respirator over his face.)
ARNOLD: Good lad. Come on.
EVANS: You're potty, the pair of you!
ARNOLD: Shut up, will you! Do as you're told. Play that rope out as we go; any sign of trouble whip us out sharpish. Right?
EVANS: Well, it's your neck.
ARNOLD: OK.
LANE: Alright then...
(The two of them slowly advance into the fungus, pushing the trolley ahead of them. EVANS watches as their two forms gradually disappear. The fungus starts suddenly glowing and pulsating; EVANS steps back, and as the glow increases, he hears a piercing scream, followed by a second. Then silence.)
EVANS: Arnold? Staff Arnold?
(There is no reply. EVANS pulls frantically on the rope, and soon the trolley appears. Lying on it is the dead body of LANE, the respirator pulled from his face. He is covered with the fungus. The body of ARNOLD is gone.)
EVANS: (Quietly.) Staff? Staff Arnold?... Staff?
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. COVENT GARDEN MARKET
(The COLONEL and his group arrive at Covent Garden, and find their way blocked by a number of YETI.)
BLAKE: Look, sir!
COLONEL: In Here! Quick!
(He dives for cover into an enclosed yard outside a nearby warehouse.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. WAREHOUSE YARD
COLONEL: Come on, through the gate!
(The troops all run through the gate, which the COLONEL shuts behind them.)
COLONEL: I'm going to find a way out. Split up!
(The soldiers scatter in all directions, taking cover behind tarpaulin-covered market stalls. The YETI appear outside the gates to the yard; the soldiers fire with rifles, but to no effect.)
SOLDIER 1: Yetis - three of them, sir!
COLONEL: Grenades!
(Two of the soldiers throw hand grenades at the towering creatures, but again to no effect.)
BLAKE: Right, fire!
(The troops fire off another round of rifle shots. The YETI continue to break down the gates, seemingly impervious to the bullets.)
SOLDIER 1: Sir, they're smashing down the gate!
(More sounds of gunshot.)
BLAKE: We can't hold 'em, sir!
COLONEL: Over the top, all of you!
(The SOLDIERS break cover and leap over the large wooden crates stacked behind the stalls, but one is caught by a YETI before he can reach cover. He is instantly killed. The YETI follow relentlessly, the troops' weaponry still having no effect on them.)
SOLDIER 2: Grenades!
(Another round of grenades is just as useless. The COLONEL leads his men from the front, but is equally powerless. Eventually, as the YETI press, he orders a retreat. He runs for the far side of the yard, nearest the warehouse, followed by some of the soldiers.)
SOLDIER 3: Through the yard, come on!
COLONEL: Right, bazooka here to cover the others.
(A SOLDIER kneels by the COLONEL, a bazooka over his right shoulder, and fires. The YETI advance still, mowing down soldiers as they move.)
COLONEL: Dawson! Langley!
(His shouted warning is too late; two more soldiers are attacked from behind and killed. As the remaining men barricade themselves behind a trader's cart, the YETI produce their deadly web guns and turn them on the soldiers. Several scream in agony and slump to the ground.)
COLONEL: Make for the warehouse!... Murphy!
(Again, his warning is too late, as another soldier is covered in the web spray. The COLONEL, BLAKE and the few survivors run into the warehouse as the YETI web guns fire again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. INTERIOR, ELECTRICIAN'S SHOP
(The DOCTOR hunts for components among the shelves of the shop, while KNIGHT stands guard near the door. Sounds of gunfire can be heard in the distance.)
KNIGHT: There it is again, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Just one more thing.
(He scrabbles through the shelves. KNIGHT looks nervously around.)
KNIGHT: For heaven's sake, hurry up!
DOCTOR: I just need one more component. I'll look through here.
(He disappears into the back room of the store. KNIGHT watches him go, then hears a bleeping noise behind him. He turns to see two YETI coming through the doorway! He yells a warning to the DOCTOR..)
KNIGHT: Doctor! Doctor, look out!
(He fires two rifle shots at the creatures, but they are unharmed. The lead YETI roars and strikes KNIGHT down with a massive blow. KNIGHT manages to cry out in the struggle.)
KNIGHT: No! No!
(His yells die out in an agonised scream. The DOCTOR runs through from the back room to find the YETI standing over KNIGHT's dead body. The YETI turn to look at him, and as he freezes, they hold his stare for several seconds. Finally they turn and exit the shop, leaving the DOCTOR unharmed. Their bleeping noise slowly fades into the distance. The DOCTOR goes to KNIGHT's body, and on a hunch, searches the pockets. In one, he finds a model Yeti.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. COMMON ROOM
(The DOCTOR has returned to the Fortress, and shows the model Yeti to JAMIE, VICTORIA, ANNE and EVANS.)
JAMIE: And this was in his pocket, you say?
VICTORIA: How did he get it? You said it was stolen.
ANNE: You can't think that he...
DOCTOR: No no no, he didn't steal it. The person who did planted it on him.
JAMIE: Hmm!
(He looks accusingly at EVANS.)
EVANS: Eh, don't you try and pin this on me, boyo! Strikes me, anything goes wrong around here and I'm always the one to get the blame.
DOCTOR: Alright, alright, let's keep our temper, shall we? The point is, two of these were missing. Now where's the other one?
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. INTERIOR, WAREHOUSE
(The COLONEL, BLAKE and a few SOLDIERS are desperately holding off the YETI. The troops are running out of ammunition, and the bleeping YETI track them down and kill them relentlessly. The COLONEL takes cover on a pile of crates to avoid being seen. The others try to hide but are all caught. Finally, the YETI corner BLAKE, who tries to fend them off, but they hammer him down viciously. His cries of "No! No!..." tail off as he also dies. The COLONEL, seeing the entire squad wiped out, sprints for the yard, hurdles over a wall and runs to safety.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22. LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR dismantles the model Yeti, while JAMIE, VICTORIA, ANNE and EVANS watch.)
DOCTOR: There. That one shouldn't bother us any more. Now then, come along, Anne, let's get down to work. Where did I put those bits and pieces?
VICTORIA: (Looking at the model.) I wish I knew who put it in the Captain's pocket.
JAMIE: Well it must have been Chorley.
VICTORIA: Well look, he left ages ago.
JAMIE: It doesn't matter. He could still...
DOCTOR: Colonel!
(The conversation breaks off as the COLONEL walks into the room, looking tired and dejected. He slams the door angrily behind him, and props himself up against the workbench.)
VICTORIA: Are you alright?
JAMIE: What's happened?
(The COLONEL looks down, silently.)
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Colonel, what happened?
(There is a pause, until the COLONEL answers.)
COLONEL: Gone.
VICTORIA: Not all of them?
(The COLONEL grunts in confirmation.)
DOCTOR: All of them?
COLONEL: I said so, didn't I? All of them. Evans, what about your party?
(EVANS shakes his head.)
COLONEL: Arnold?
EVANS: Gone, sir.
(A quiet bleeping noise can be heard in the background - nobody has yet noticed it.)
JAMIE: Captain Knight, too.
COLONEL: Knight! Hopeless.
(He pauses, a look of despair in his eyes.)
COLONEL: Can't fight them - it seems... indestructible. Can't fight them! You were right, Doctor, when you said they were... formless, shapeless... you were right.
(The DOCTOR has now heard the bleeping noise; there is a look of horror on his face.)
DOCTOR: Listen... listen, everyone! It's the other Yeti model! It's here! It's somewhere in this room!
COLONEL: That noise, I've been hearing it on and off all day...
DOCTOR: Your pockets!
COLONEL: What?
DOCTOR: Open your pockets, Colonel! Quickly, quickly, come on!
(The COLONEL searches hurriedly through his pockets, and soon finds the remaining model Yeti.)
COLONEL: How... how...
DOCTOR: They bring the Yeti!
(They hear a sudden crash of splintering wood from behind them, followed by a savage roar. They turn to see two YETI coming through the smashed doorway to the laboratory; walking just behind them is Professor TRAVERS!.) | Plan: A: Travers; Q: Who is captured by the Yeti? A: a way; Q: What does the Doctor try to find to gain control of the robots? A: Lethbridge-Stewart; Q: Who tries to recover the TARDIS? Summary: With Travers having been captured by the Yeti, the Doctor attempts to find a way to gain control of the robots while Lethbridge-Stewart tries to recover the TARDIS. |
Mystic Falls, 1864
[Lockwood Mansion]
(Stefan and Katherine are dancing)
Katherine: Look who found his dancing shoes
(He tries to kiss her)
Katherine: No touching Mr. Salvatore. Those are the rules
Stefan: I thought you didn't believe in rules
(Damon is looking at them. Stefan looks at him)
Stefan: My brother is still upset that you chose me to escort you
Katherine: Well, Damon needs to concede that his younger brother is a better dancer
(She looks at Damon)
Katherine: Looks like he found someone to occupies time
(Elena is with Damon. She looks at Stefan)
Stefan: Elena
Katherine: Stefan don't
(Elena leaves with Damon. Stefan follows them)
Stefan: Elena!
(He opens a door and arrives at the Mystic Grill. Elena is at the pool table)
Elena: It's your turn
(Stefan smiles but she was talking to Damon)
Damon: Prepare to loose
(He kisses Elena. Katherine is here in 1864 dress)
Katherine: It hurts, doesn't it?
(He looks at Elena and Damon)
Katherine: Now you know how I feel. Don't fight it Stefan. You loved me once. You can love me again
(He is in 1864 again, at the Lockwood Mansion)
Katherine: I love you, Stefan. We'll be together again, I promise.
(She kisses him)
[Salvatore's house]
(Nowadays. He wakes up. He's in his bed. Elena is sleeping on his chest)
Elena: Hey, are you okay?
Stefan: Yeah. Yes, bad dream. Get back to sleep
(He gets out of the bed with his powers. It was not Elena but Katherine. She sits down on the bed)
Stefan: Katherine
Katherine: You have to admit I am getting better at this
Katherine: It was easy to get inside of your head. Have you completely forsaken your nature?
(He rushes over her but she pushes him and he falls)
Katherine: Are we really gonna do this again? You both know I could rip you to shreds and do my nails at the same time
Stefan: What do you want?
Katherine: I wanted to see you. I missed you, Stefan. Dole me for a little while, please?
Stefan: Why are you back in town?
Katherine: 3 reasons: you, you and you
Stefan: You see, I can't quite get that down. Just kind of... get stuck in my throat
Katherine: Well, you know, it's the truth. Deep down inside that gorgeous body of yours there's the Stefan that fell in love with me too
[Mystic Grill]
(Elena is sitting at a table, alone. Stefan arrives)
Elena: What do you want?
Damon: So, this is where you spend your time when you're not stabbing people in the back
Elena: I tricked you into telling me the truth that's not stabbing you in the back, it's using your own tactics against you
(She gets up)
Damon: Where are you going?
Elena: I made myself clear, Damon. I want nothing to do with you
Damon: Okay. See you at Jenna's barbecue
Elena: How did you know about Jenna's barbecue?
Damon: It was my idea. Jenna went to high school with Mason Lockwood so I figured a social gathering would be a good way to get to know the guy. So I told Rick to told Jenna and...
Elena: Does Jenna knows that you're going to be there because she's not exactly a fan of yours
(A woman arrives and gives him a box with a pie in it)
Damon: Perfect. Thank you. I'm hoping this peach cobbler will pave the way
Elena: What are you up to?
Damon: I'm gonna put some silver into Mason Lockwood and prove he is a werewolf. See you at the barbecue
(He leaves)
[Lockwood Mansion]
Tyler: Hey, Mason, got a second?
Mason: No, men, barbecue at Jenna Sommers' house
Tyler: Come on man; give me two minutes, alright? You can't keep dodging me. I'm freaking out over here!
Mason: Tyler, what do you want me to say man? Yes, I turned into wolf. No, it's not gonna happen to you
Tyler: How do you know that?
Mason: Because you're not gonna trigger the curse. Your dad didn't know anything about any of this neither did I until it happened to me
Tyler: How does it get triggered?
Mason: Ignorance is a bless, trust me
Tyler: You blow back into town with some supernatural family secret and you expect me not to ask questions?
Mason: I can't say anything more, I'm sorry, Tyler. It's just better for you if I don't
Tyler: You've found that moon stone?
Mason: Do you know where it is?
Tyler: What's so special about it?
Mason: I told you, it was my mom's. It's sentimental. Look, just don't worry about it. Forget I even brought it up, alright?
(He leaves. Tyler takes the moon stone from his pocket and looks at it)
[Salvatore's house]
(Katherine is in the living room, reading Stefan's journal. Stefan's arrives)
Stefan: You shouldn't read someone's journal
Katherine: I know. I'm sorry. It was just too tempting, all of your inner thoughts and feelings, laying there on your desk waiting for me to read
(He takes the journal from Katherine's hands and gives her a glass of blood)
Stefan: Damon's private stock
Katherine: That's right! You don't do human, I read that. I also read about your recent werewolf siting. That must have come as a surprise
Stefan: What do you know about werewolves?
Katherine: I know not to pet one. Their bite kills, Stefan. It's best to stay clear during a full moon.
Stefan: And... how do you know this?
Katherine: Who do you think was responsible for ridding this town of vampires in 1864?
Stefan: Founding families
Katherine: Spearheaded by?
Stefan: The Lockwood's
Katherine: You remember the founder's ball, don't you? The one that you were dreaming about?
Stefan: I was your escort
Katherine: That was before you and Damon knew about my little secret
Mystic Falls, 1864
[Lockwood Mansion]
(It's the founder's ball)
Damon: Everyone will you please join me and raising your glasses to my good friend George Lockwood. George, thank you for so bravely defending the south
George: My honor Mr. Salvatore. After all, someone had to do it
(Elena and Stefan are drinking. Henry arrives)
Henry: Can we have a word Miss Katherine?
Katherine: Grab a glass Henry. It's a celebration
Henry: Please, Miss Katherine
(They go apart)
Henry: I looked about those attacks from the other night. It wasn't vampires
Katherine: That's good news, Henry. That means there's nothing to worry about
Henry: I'm afraid you don't understand. Those folks were turned apart in ways I've never seen before
Katherine: Then... it won't be long before the founders drop an investigation
Henry: We'll leave town immediately. I'll tell the others
Katherine: Relax, Henry. This town is our home and the vampires are my family. I will not let anything happen to us
(She looks at George Lockwood)
Nowadays
[Salvatore House]
Katherine: From the moment I met George, I knew he'd be a problem
Stefan: So you're saying that all the Lockwood's are werewolves
Katherine: The werewolf gene runs in the Lockwood family. They're not all werewolves
Stefan: How many of the werewolves are out there? I mean... is it just limited to the Lockwood's?
Katherine: No, there are others. Not many. They're practically instinct. They mainly exist now in books and really bad movies
(She drinks and puts the glass on the table)
Katherine: My turn to ask a question
(She takes Stefan's journal, takes her picture from it and shows it to Stefan)
Katherine: Why did you keep this picture? Why not burn it? Tear it up? You want to know why I came back. Well I have a better question: Why did you? For Elena? No. You came back here to fall in love with me all over again, didn't you?
(He came toward her and touches her face)
Stefan: What is it about you that make me still care?
(She kisses him but he put a vervein dart in her back. She falls on the couch)
(Stefan attaches Katherine with chains in a chair, in a cell in the basement)
Stefan: Now, where were we? That's right; you were going to tell me why you came back to Mystic Falls, weren't you?
Katherine: You don't have to do this
Stefan: Answer the question
Katherine: I came back for you
Stefan: We are gonna play about my rules now
(Stefan puts gloves, takes vervein, goes toward Katherine and puts the vervein on her cheek. Her skin burns. She screams)
Stefan: Answer the question
Katherine: You're going to torture me now?
Stefan: I'll do whatever it takes to get you to tell me the truth
Katherine: Later that night at the founder's ball...
Stefan: I don't want to hear any more stories about the past
Katherine: Yes you do, Stefan. That's exactly what you want to hear
Mystic Falls, 1864
[Lockwood Mansion]
(It's the founder's ball. Katherine is drinking, alone. George Lockwood rejoins her)
George: She's all alone. This is mean I can finally have you all to myself?
Katherine: Your father has done himself
George: Knowing my father, he wants to throw a founder's party every year
Katherine: I must admit I'm rather surprised that you'd come looking for me
George: Because you are the rope in the Salvatore's brother's war?
Katherine: No, because I'm a vampire who could kill you in your sleep
George: I beg your pardon?
Katherine: Relax, George. I know you know my secret
George: This conversation is over
(He begins to leave but she catches his arm)
Katherine: And I know your secret too and I know that you are extra strong, only not as strong
(She releases him and smiles)
George: How do you know who I am?
Katherine: You think that I will settle into a town without knowing my enemies?
George: What do you want?
(She smiles)
Nowadays
[Salvatore's house]
Stefan: What did you want?
(He takes a chair and sits down in front of her)
[Gilbert's house]
(Elena and Jenna are in the kitchen)
Elena: Thanks for letting me invite Caroline. She could use a day of distraction
Jenna: Well, she's not the plus that I'm worried about. Why is Damon coming?
Elena: Because Alaric is a pity taker. Come on Jenna, be nice
Jenna: I'll be nice when Damon learns to keep his pose of you
(Mason arrives)
Mason: Good news! I found the shot glasses!
Elena: That would be my exit
(She leaves)
Jenna: You're here for 10 minutes and I'm already back into the bleachers of the pep rally
Mason: Like old times, uh? Only I didn't swipe this bottle from my old men
(Alaric arrives)
Alaric: Oh, the expensive stuff! I like you already
Mason: Just happy to be invited
Jenna: Thank rick, that was his idea
Mason: Really?
Alaric: Yeah, you know, I thought it would be nice some of Jenna's high school friends. Dig up a little dirt
Mason: I've got dirt. I've got dirt
Jenna: I have no secrets. Only dirty shame
Alaric: To dirty shame
(They clink glasses. Damon arrives)
Damon: Hey
Jenna: Damon
Alaric: You were just going shots. Let me give you a shot glass buddy
Jenna: Here. Use mine
(She leaves. Alaric too)
Damon: She doesn't like me very much
Mason: We haven't met. Mason Lockwood
Damon: Oh sure. Damon Salvatore
Mason: I know. I heard great things about you
Damon: Really? That's weird 'cause I'm a dick
(Elena is on the porch, alone. She calls Stefan but he doesn't answer so she leaves a message)
Elena: Hey. Just checking in. Did you get my message about Jenna's barbecue? Call me when you can
(Caroline arrives and sits down with her)
Caroline: Is that Stefan?
Elena: Yeah, he hasn't called me back. I try to decide if I should be worried
Caroline: I'm sure he's fine
(She eats chips)
Caroline: God! I cannot stop eating. Stefan says it's a great way to sublimit the cravings. It's horrible just fighting the urge for blood every minute of every day
Elena: I know that Stefan really hates that part of himself
Caroline: Yeah and he hates that you're a constant temptation
Elena: e said that?
Caroline: The desire to rip out your jugular every time he's with you? Trust me, it's there. It's why I had to break up with Matt
(Alaric arrives)
Alaric: Hey! The food's ready, come get it.
Caroline: Finally, I'm starving
(She goes inside)
[Salvatore's House]
Stefan: You know, we can stay here as long as you want. And when you'll start to desiccate, there's a tomb with your name on it
Katherine: I've been doing all the talking, it's your turn. Do you pretend to be human when you're with Elena? Is that the appeal?
Stefan: Actually, I'm not pretending to be anything when I'm with her. That's the whole point. I get to just be myself
Katherine: Does she know that you love me?
Stefan: I don't
Katherine: That's where you're wrong, Stefan. Don't you remember bringing me home that night? Your family had taken me in
Mystic Falls, 1864
[Salvatore's house]
Katherine: I had a really good time, Stefan
Stefan: How long do you plan on staying in Mystic Falls?
Katherine: As long as I'm wanted. Your father has been very king to give me a shelter
Stefan: How can he not? Losing your family in a fire, hopefully you made it to Atlanta
Katherine: So, I gather I'm wanted?
Stefan: Uh, very much so. I know... we've only known each other for a short while and I know I'm in competition for your affection but I've never met a woman quite like you. I look at and I see an angel. I touch your skin and my entire body is knits. I kiss you and I know that I'm falling in love
(He kisses her)
Stefan: I am in love with you
Katherine: There's so much you don't know about me, Stefan
Stefan: More to learn in love
Katherine: I must say good night
Stefan: I have upset you?
Katherine: No, you haven't upset me, you've just surprised me
(She goes in her bedroom. Damon is here. He goes toward her and kisses her)
Katherine: What are you doing here?
Damon: I told you I would come
Katherine: Well, I'm tired, you should go
Damon: Did my little brother confession overwarm you?
Katherine: You shouldn't ears drop
Damon: Is my love not enough?
Katherine: I told you, I'm tired
(She compels him)
Katherine: I wish to be alone tonight. Please, leave
Damon: Good night Katherine
(He leaves. She touches her lips)
Nowadays
[Salvatore's house]
Katherine: Go ahead Stefan. Torture me, keep me captive, drain me of my blood until my body turns to dust. It'll never change the truth. I never compelled your love. It was real and so was mine
[Gilbert's house]
(They are playing Pictionary. Damon is drawing a wolf with a tutu)
Jenna: Dress! Ballerina!
Caroline: Puppy! Puppy with a tutu!
Damon: No, no
Jenna: A dog! Hound-dog!
Mason: "Dances with the wolves"
Damon: Mason wins...again
Jenna: How is that a wolf?
(Elena is in the kitchen, taking the pie from the box. Damon rejoins her)
Damon: Jenna is getting tipsy
Elena: Will you stop playing her with alcohol?
Damon: I want her to like me
Elena: How is operation Lockwood?
Damon: He's my new BFF
(Jenna arrives)
Jenna: There you are. Isn't this fun?
Damon: Yes, thank you so much for inviting me
Jenna: Did I have a choice?
Damon: I know what you must think about me
Jenna: No, you don't. You've never dated you; I have dated many you's
Damon: I'm in working progress
(Elena gives her a cake knife from a set. Damon sees it)
Damon: These are fancy
Jenna: Thanks. My mother silver set
(Elena looks at Damon. He takes a knife from the set)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Salvatore's house]
Katherine: Hearing the truth after a century and a half of denial must be overwhelming
Stefan: It wasn't real, I remember you compelling me
Katherine: Only after I showed you who I really was. You were so scared of me; I had to take away your fear
Stefan: Well, whatever feelings I had back then, they all turned to hate
Katherine: Love, hate, such a fine line. I can wait. Anyway, George Lockwood was causing all sorts of trouble. He used the vampires to cover up his own tracks. He told the founding families about us. But he was willing to struck a deal
Stefan: What kind of a deal?
Katherine: A deal to rid the town of vampires
Mystic Falls, 1864
[Salvatore's house]
(Katherine and George are walking in the grounds of the Salvatore estate)
George: I just spoke to Giuseppe Salvatore. The round up happens tonight
Katherine: Good. Insists so they do a body count before the church set up braze
George: I will
Katherine: 27 vampires
George: Once the flames create chaos, crawl to the exit under the quire low. I'll be there to set you free
Katherine: Make sure you're not followed. I need everyone to believe I perished in that fire
Nowadays
[Salvatore's house]
Stefan: You knew that they were gonna burn the vampires in the church?
Katherine: I practically lit the match
Stefan: They were your friends, they were your family and you just sold them out.
Katherine: Without blinking
[Gilbert's house]
(Damon puts the pie on the table, with a cake knife in silver)
Damon: Mason, why don't you start this off?
Mason: Sure
(He takes it with his hands, not with the knife)
Mason: I apologize, I'm an animal
Alaric: So Mason, you and Jenna never dated?
Mason: She was always lost in Logan Fell land
Jenna: My first mistake. Mason was a catch; girls lined up
Damon: Really? I always pegged you for a lone wolf
Mason: I'm sure I wasn't half the lady killer you were. How about a toast? To new friends
(Caroline and Elena are in the living room)
Elena: Would I be the worst friend in the world if i abandon you and went to Stefan's?
Caroline: You want to leave?
Elena: It's just that he hasn't calling back to me and I'm starting to have this bad feeling
Caroline: I don't think that's a good idea, Elena
Elena: Damon's got it under control here
Caroline: Take it from me, there's nothing worse than a clingy girlfriend
Elena: I'm not being clingy, I'm just concerned. You understand, right?
Caroline: How about I drive you?
Elena: Yeah, okay, that'll be great, thanks
(Elena goes into Caroline's car. Caroline deflates a tire and goes into the car)
[Salvatore's house]
Stefan: What had George get in return? For giving you your freedom
Katherine: Something he wanted desperately
Stefan: So you sent 26 of your friends to their death, just to fake your own? No, you were running from something. What was it?
Katherine: Everyone has a past, Stefan. Mine needed to stay far far away but thanks to you my plan nearly failed it even began. Once George told me that the round up was imminent, i made sure I could see you one last time but your father used your love for me against me, he poisoned your blood. And Damon being Damon, nearly ruined everything
Stefan: We came for you, we tried to save you.
Katherine: I didn't want to be saved
Stefan: So then Damon and I died for nothing! For nothing!
Katherine: No, you died for love
[Gilbert's house]
(Damon is in the kitchen, Mason arrives)
Mason: Jenna just brought "Guitar Hero"
Damon: Well, I just happen to like "Guitar Hero". So you my friend, are barking up the wrong treat
Mason: Okay. Enough with the implies, you win, you're hilarious
Damon: Thank you
Mason: Come on, men. You don't think I know what this barbecue is about?
Damon: How did you know about me? Your brother was completely clues
Mason: It doesn't matter; I'm not your enemy, Damon
Damon: You tried to kill my brother
Mason: That was a mistake
Damon: Really?
Mason: I was confused; I couldn't chain myself up in time. I have no control once I shift
Damon: What, no obedience school?
Mason: I'm serious. Let's not spark some edge old fuel that doesn't imply us
Damon: You expect me to believe that you are in Mystic Falls planting peace trees?
Mason: I lost my brother, my nephew lost his father. I'm here for my family. Let's be above this
(They shake their hands. Mason leaves and Damon takes a knife from the cutlery box)
[Caroline's car]
(Caroline is driving toward the boarding house with Elena)
Elena: Thank for this, I appreciate it
Caroline: Here we come, to the rescue
Elena: Why are you being so snippy?
Caroline: That's my own drama. I'm sure you two will beat the odds. Not that there is any study to pull outs from. What is the ratio success vampire-human coupling? I'm guessing no
Elena: Okay Caroline
Caroline: Sorry
(The tire bursts)
[Gilbert's house]
Mason: No one to take some more drinks at the grill? It's like I am with a bunch of adults here
Jenna: I prefer the term "Role model"
Mason: Okay. Well, thanks for having me, it was awesome. Alaric, I catch you at the game next week?
Alaric: Yeah, I look forward to it
Damon: You know, I should probably head out too
(Mason leaves)
Damon: Jenna, you are a wonderful hostess
(He kisses her hand)
Jenna: And you are a terrible artist
Damon: is that the only thing that makes me terrible?
Jenna: I'm still deciding
Damon: Good enough for me. Alaric, let's not catch that game next week
(He leaves)
[Somewhere in the road]
(Elena and Caroline are waiting for the tow truck)
Elena: Are you sure the tow's coming? We've been waiting forever
Caroline: I know, it's weird. They said they'd be here by now
Elena: Yeah. I'm just gonna call Jenna
Caroline: No! Let me call the tow people again. I gonna use my aggressive voice
Elena: Can we just walk from here?
Caroline: I can't just leave my car
Elena: We'll come back for it
Caroline: Just give me a minute, Elena
Elena: Caroline, what part "I'm worried about Stefan" didn't think in?
Caroline: What's the rush? Why are you hurrying to get to a relationship that will never work?
Elena: Okay, look. I know that you're upset over Matt but would you stop projecting it onto me and Stefan please?
Caroline: I'm not projecting anything! You're human, he's a vampire. You're gonna be 70 and in diapers and he's still gonna be smoking hot and you will never have his children, Elena! And you are too maternal to not have children!
Elena: Where is this coming from?
Caroline: I'm just trying to be your friend
Elena: Okay, do me a favor and stop trying
(The tow arrives)
Elena: Here's the tow, I'm gonna walk
Caroline: No, Elena, don't!
(She catches Elena's arm)
Elena: Caroline, you're hurting me
Caroline: Don't leave me alone
Elena: What's wrong with you?
Tow guy: Hey there, someone called about a flat tire?
Elena (looking at Caroline): She did
(She leaves)
[Mystic Grill]
(Mason parks his car, gets out and is approached by Damon)
Mason: Damon? What? More jokes?
Damon: No, those got old
(He stabs Mason with the silver knife but Mason removes the knife from his chest)
Mason: You know, I think it was werewolves who started this whole silver myth. Probably for moves like this
Damon: Dully noted
Mason: I was really looking forward the last call. Now you made an enemy
[Salvatore's house]
(Katherine is still attached to the chair in the cell)
Stefan: Are you gonna tell me why you came back here or you're just playing another game?
Katherine: Have you not heard a word that I've said? I've answered that question 5 times over now
Stefan: Oh good, make it six
Katherine: I want what I want, Stefan and I don't care what I have to do to get it. My list of victims is a long one and I have no problem adding one more name to that list
Stefan: Come on Katherine. If you wanted Elena dead, you would have done it by now
Katherine: Still can. If i have to, I will snap her neck like a twig and you know it
(He rushes over her with a stake but he throws it)
Katherine: I guess you don't hate me as much I you thought you did. I don't want you seeing Elena anymore. If you don't remove far from your life, I will kill everyone that she loves while she watches and then I will kill her while you watch
(He rushes over her again and strangles her. His face has changed and he has a stake in his hands)
Stefan: Don't you ever think for one moment that I will not kill you
(She throws him against the wall and releases herself)
Katherine: I have been sipping vervein every single day for the last 145 years. You got me by surprise once, I wasn't gonna let that happen again. It doesn't hurt me, Stefan
Stefan: What? Why?
Katherine: I told you, I missed you Stefan. I just wanted to spend some time with you
(Elena enters the house. Katherine looks at Stefan, smiles and puts a stake in his leg. She leaves)
(Elena is in the living room. She turns herself, Katherine is here)
Katherine: You must be Elena
Elena: How is this possible? How do we look exactly alike?
(Katherine doesn't answer and looks at her from top to bottom. She touches her neck with one finger and goes behind her)
Katherine: You're asking the wrong questions
(Stefan arrives)
Stefan: Elena?!
(She turns her head. Katherine is not here anymore)
Stefan: Are you okay?
Elena: Not really. Are you okay?
Stefan: Not really
(They embrace each other)
[Mystic Grill]
(Caroline is on the bathroom. She looks in the mirror. Katherine is here)
Caroline: Katherine
Katherine: Cared to share how you couldn't fallow through one simple task?
Caroline: I tried okay? But I couldn't exactly kidnap my best friend
Katherine: Occupy her. That's all I asked
Caroline: I told her that her relationship was doomed and all that mortality stuff. I think...I really think that I got to her
Katherine: I hope so because let's not forget. I already killed you once; I can easily do it again
[Lockwood Mansion]
(Tyler is searching online about the moonstone as Mason arrives)
Tyler: How was that barbecue?
Mason: Not great. Are you still pissed?
Tyler: Are you still keeping secrets?
Mason: Yeah
Tyler: Then I'm still pissed. Hey, you know I was thinking about that stone you were looking for. I know a couple places where it could be
Mason: Do you think this is a joke? If you know where it is then tell me
Tyler: Tell me all the curse's trigger
Mason: If I tell you, you won't be able to think about anything else. I don't want that for you
Tyler: I think I can handle knowing
Mason: You think that you can handle it, tough guy? You have no idea
Tyler: You want your stupid rock or not?!
(Mason pushes him against the wall)
Mason: Tell me where it is!
Tyler: Tell me what triggers the curse!
Mason: You have to kill somebody! Human blood! You take another person's life away from them and then the curse is yours forever! Can you handle that?
[Mystic Grill]
(Caroline is sitting alone at a table. Elena and Stefan enter)
Caroline: Elena
Elena: Hey
(Stefan goes to a table while Elena talks with Caroline)
Caroline: Oh my god. I am so sorry about earlier today. I don't know what came over me
Elena: It okay, Caroline. Everything that you were saying was right. It's just hard for me to hear, you know?
Caroline: So... you're not mad at me?
Elena: You were just being good friend...in your own way
Caroline: My own hand case, horrible way. Elena, I really am sorry
(Elena smiles and rejoins Stefan at a table)
Stefan: I'm starving
Elena: Well, Spending the day with your jealous ex will do that to you
Stefan: Listen, I know you're upset but we have to take her seriously. Today, was all about the links she should go to
Elena: If she was going to hurt me, she would have. I was standing right in front of her
Stefan: Elena, you cut off her guard. It doesn't mean that you're safe
Elena: I'm not afraid of her
Stefan: Well, you should be
Elena: If Katherine had her way, we'll be breaking up right now
Stefan: If today taught me anything, is that Katherine is used to getting her way
Elena: You're not actually saying that we should what she says?
Stefan: Listen, she's sadistic, okay? She threatened you, she threatened everyone
Elena: Yeah, I know, I get it. She's dangerous. But every day that we are together, it's dangerous. Why are you giving her so much power over our relationship?
Stefan: This is the reality of our situation
Elena: The reality sucks
(Caroline is listening to all their conversation)
Elena: This is what she wants. She wants us to fight. She wants to get between us
Stefan: She already has, Elena
(They look at each other and she leaves. Damon is at the bar. He's heard everything)
(Damon is going out the Mystic Grill. Katherine is waiting for him)
Katherine: Bad day?
Damon: Bad century. I heard you are on the loose
Katherine: What's the matter? Jealous I spent the day with Stefan?
Damon: I don't do jealous. Not with you, not anymore
Katherine: Then why so pouty?
Damon: I tried to kill a werewolf, I failed. Now I feel like I'm not living up to my best self
Katherine: Well, werewolves aren't easy prey
Damon: What do you know about werewolves?
Katherine: Why don't you ask your brother? Don't try to be the hero, Damon. You'll end up dead
Damon: Been there, done that. Unless this time it'll worth it
[Gilbert's house]
(Elena goes in her bedroom. Stefan is here)
Stefan: Are you okay?
(She smiles and embraces him)
Elena: I hated that fight
Stefan: I know me too. It felt too real
(She kisses him)
Elena: Did you see Caroline?
Stefan: Yeah
Elena: We were right. Katherine got to her. She was hanging on to every single word
Stefan: It won't be long before Katherine gets a play by play
Elena: I wish she was wrong but I know Caroline too well. It was so obvious that something was up today
Stefan: You're not wrong. It's pure Katherine. She's always finding somebody to do her dirty work
Elena: I think Damon was listening to us fight too. Are you gonna tell him that it wasn't real?
Stefan: The only way Katherine is gonna believe it is if everybody believes it. That's the best way to make her think she's getting what she wants
Elena: All this...just to get you back
Stefan: It's not why she's here, okay? No matter what she says, I know her. Katherine doesn't care about anybody but herself, she never has. She's incapable of love. She's here for another reason
[Somewhere in Mystic Falls]
(Katherine is walking alone. She looks at the moon)
Mystic Falls, 1864
(Katherine is in the woods. She turns her head and sees Damon and Stefan dead, on the floor. George Lockwood approaches)
Katherine: George
George: Your car is just waiting
Katherine: All done, George. Thank you
George: Now it's your part of the deal
Katherine: If anyone learns of my escape, I will find you and I will kill you. Don't think that I won't
(She gives him the moonstone)
George: We should take each other secrets to the grave. Now, you must hurry
(She runs toward Stefan's body. She touches his face and looks at him)
Katherine: I love you, Stefan. We will be together again, I promise
(She kisses him)
Nowadays
(Katherine touches her lips and smiles) | Plan: A: Stefan; Q: Who did Katherine kiss in 1864? A: Elena; Q: Who does Katherine threaten to kill if Stefan doesn't end his relationship with her? A: Caroline; Q: Who does Elena realize is working for Katherine? A: Elena's questions; Q: What does Katherine ignore when they meet? A: Damon; Q: Who stabs Mason with a silver knife? A: werewolves; Q: What does Mason say silver doesn't hurt? A: enemies; Q: What are Elena and Katherine now? A: her love; Q: What did Katherine declare to Stefan after he saved her? Summary: Katherine tells Stefan that she will kill Elena unless he ends his relationship with her, and as a result, Elena realizes that Caroline is working for Katherine. Elena and Katherine finally meet, but Katherine ignores Elena's questions. Damon stabs Mason with a silver knife, but Mason says it is only a myth that silver hurts werewolves. They are now enemies. Katherine remembers how in 1864, after Stefan and Damon were shot in an attempt to save her, she had kissed Stefan, declaring her love and saying they would be together again one day. Stefan and Elena stage a fake break-up to prevent Katherine from hurting anybody. |
LUCAS: (v.o) Previously on One Tree Hill.
[EXT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - DOORSTEP - DAY]
(Brooke opens her front door, looking out.)
MOUTH: (Standing there.) I knew this meant a lot to you. (Brooke stares.) I bought it back. (Steps aside and we see the dollhouse.)
(Brooke smiles, stunned.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
(Mouth helps Brooke onto her bed. She's drunk and doesn't know where she is or who she's with.)
FELIX: (v.o) You like her, huh?
MOUTH: (v.o) Yeah, but guys like (Cut to Mouth and Felix in Brooke's bedroom.) me don't get girls like her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - BROOKE'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
(Brooke comes around and Felix is on her bed, looking at her.)
BROOKE: (Whispering) Felix, (Pause) you took care of me?
FELIX: Yeah... sometimes you gotta break the rules.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TRIC - BACKROOM - EVENING]
(Peyton pushes the door to the 'Private' room in the back open. Rick and his buddies are inside doing coke.)
RICK: Relax, it's cool. Peyton and I did a couple of lines the other night. (Peyton looks guilty as Haley looks at her accusingly.) Aint that right Peyton?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TRIC - OFF-STAGE - EVENING]
(Chris talks to Haley as she sits on the edge of the stage with Nathan.)
CHRIS: You've got a good sound... and watching you tonight, I could definitely see us doing something together. (Haley's happy.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - PAVEMENT - DAY]
(Haley, Nathan, Lucas and Brooke stand outside the apartment as Nathan and Lucas get ready to go to Charlotte.)
NATHAN: So you won't be alone tonight.
HALEY: Nope.
NATHAN: What're you gonna do until then?
HALEY: Probably just gonna... hang out with Brooke. (Looks at Brooke, desperately hoping for conformation. Brooke just looks at her.)
HALEY and CHRIS: (v.o) #Where do you go
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. RECORDING STUDIO - EVENING]
(Chris and Haley stand in front of a microphone, singing.)
HALEY and CHRIS: when you're lonely,
I'll follow you.#
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CHURCH - CONFESSIONAL BOOTH - EVENING]
(Peyton sits inside the confessional booth during 'Dare Night'.)
PEYTON: (Tearfully) This is... the first time I've been in a church since my mom died. (Crying) I think about her every day(!)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TREE HILL HOSPITAL - DAN'S ROOM - DAY]
(Dan is unconscious and hooked up to machines.)
DOCTOR: (v.o) Dan has a heart condition known as HCM.
(Deb looks at him worriedly.)
DOCTOR: It's a... genetic mutation.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CHARLOTTE MEDICAL CENTER - DAY]
(Nathan is sitting on the doctor's chair, hooked up to machines and getting tested for the genetic mutation. Lucas stands there watching.)
LUCAS: (v.o) Come on man, what are the odds of us even having this thing anyway?
(Nathan lies back on the chair.)
NATHAN: (v.o) Fifty-fifty.
LUCAS: (Watching Nathan worriedly.) I'm sorry. I don't wanna know.
(Nathan looks at Lucas as he turns and walks out of the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. ROE RESIDENCE - DOORSTEP - DAY]
(Felix confronts Lucas as he is about to enter the house.)
FELIX: You like my sister?
LUCAS: You know I do.
FELIX: Stay the hell away from her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
OPENING CREDITS ROLL:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY]
(Shot of Nathan sleeping, in bed. The camera pans to the door.)
HALEY: (Entering with a tray loaded with breakfast.) Goood morniiing! (Gets onto the bed.) Rise and shine!
(Nathan wakes up and Haley puts the tray in front of him, smacking him.)
HALEY: I slaved, all morning, over the toaster, making my famous raisin waffles so eat up.
NATHAN: (Sighs) Somebody wants to go to that... crummy Formal.
HALEY: Crummy?(!) (Smacks him on the arm.) How could you say that? We get to hang out with our friends and get all dressed up and slow dance. How can you not be excited?
NATHAN: Because my parents are chaperones.
HALEY: (Pause) OK, well there's that. (Pause) So what? Safety in numbers; I got your back.
NATHAN: (Sighs) Do we really have to go to this stupid dance?
HALEY: Alright, well, maybe not. I mean, (Pause) once I get you in that tux, maybe I'll decide we should stay in... (Whispers something in his ear.)
NATHAN: (Laughs) Just ah... don't leave me alone with them.
HALEY: OK. (Holds up her hand.) I promise.
(Nathan holds the fork, with a bit of food on it, out to her and she eats it.)
HALEY: So (Kisses him.) good.
NATHAN: My turn. (Haley laughs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE MALL - EST SHOT - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. THE MALL - CLOTHES SHOP - DAY]
(Brooke and Peyton are looking at dresses for the Formal. Brooke grimaces as she looks at a baby pink one.)
BROOKE: Think of all the taffeta that had to die to make this thing(!)
(Peyton smacks Brooke in the face with a part of the dress.)
BROOKE: Eww! (Peyton laughs.)
(Brooke walks along a little further and stops, awed.)
BROOKE: Ohhhh, look(!) (Looks at the price tag.) Oh! Maybe I could just buy it, keep the tags on and return it the next day. (Peyton looks at her.) I mean it's a Formal, I'm not gonna be wearing it for that long anyway. (Peyton laughs.) I hope(!)
(Brooke takes it off the rack and holds it to her, turning to Peyton.)
BROOKE: What do you think?
PEYTON: (Shaking her head.) No.
BROOKE: Really?
(Peyton shakes her head and grimaces. Brooke sighs.)
BROOKE: Just as well, it's too much anyway. (Pats it and walks away.)
(Peyton watches her and then grabs the dress, walking to the counter. Brooke turns to Peyton and sees her with the dress.)
BROOKE: (Gasps) You are so not my best friend anymore! (Peyton turns to her smiling.)
PEYTON: And what if I told you I was buying it for you!?
BROOKE: (Giddy) You are so my best friend again!
(Fade to them now exiting the shop.)
BROOKE: (Holding a green bag.) So, P. Sawyer, thank you for buying me the dress (Peyton laughs.) and if you try and take it back, I'm gonna have to bite you. But what are you gonna wear to this thing?
PEYTON: (Evasively) Oh, I got it covered. I just came on this little outing for you! (Smacks her on the arse.)
BROOKE: Oh(!) Well you are gonna be the best Formal date I've ever had.
PEYTON: And not Felix?
BROOKE: Against the rules, but Felix... has been kinda sweet lately. I might have to start giving him the benefit of the doubt instead of just the benefit.
PEYTON: (Laughing) OK. (Checks her watch.) Hey look, I gotta go (Points behind her.) to the club and pick some stuff up. (Brooke nods.) But I'll call you later.
BROOKE: (Whispers) OK. Thanks for this, Peyton.
PEYTON: Hey, anything. (Pats her and walks away.)
FELIX: (o.s) I don't hear any shoplifting alarms.
(Brooke looks to the side. Cut to Felix leaning against a counter, smiling.)
FELIX: New dress?
BROOKE: My Formal date, Peyton, bought it for me.
FELIX: Hmm.
BROOKE: I don't suppose you have a date to this thing?
FELIX: I was thinking about asking you.
BROOKE: Ah(!)
FELIX: But, that would've violated rule number two.
BROOKE: Hmm. Well, you know what they say - it's not who you take to Formal, it's who you take home. (Pats him on the chest, takes a few steps, turns to him smiling and then walks away.)
(Felix smiles as he watches her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. FELIX AND ANNA'S HOUSE - DOORSTEP - DAY]
(Lucas is sitting on the porch steps as Felix drives up in his BMW. Felix gets out of the car and sees Lucas.)
FELIX: (Not impressed.) Stay away from my sister... means stay away from me too.
LUCAS: Just wanna talk to you.
FELIX: (Looks at him sideways.) We got nothing to talk about. (Walks past Lucas, nudging his shoulder as he goes.)
LUCAS: (Persisting) I'm taking Anna to the Formal.
(Felix stops and looks at him.)
LUCAS: Look, (Pause) I don't have a sister, but I've got Hales and I know how protective I am of her. (Felix smirks and looks away for a second.) So I get why those pictures set you off. (Puts his hands into his pockets.) But the one you found... (Shakes his head.) I never even saw it until you showed it to me.
FELIX: But you had the other half. You coulda used it to win 'Dare Night'. Why didn't you?
LUCAS: (Shrugging) Anna isn't a game to me. (Pause) I'd never do anything to hurt her.
FELIX: (Pauses before approaching him.) Fine... take her to Formal... but you screw up with her, I'm cutting in. It's you and me who are gonna dance.
(Lucas nods slightly, Felix smirks and walks away. Lucas watches him and then discreetly rolls his eyes.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - EST SHOT - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - DAY]
(Dan is doing push ups on the living room floor. The door opens and closes. Dan hears and quickly stops the exercise, scrambling onto the couch and picking up a newspaper to read. He's still breathing a little heavily and sweating. Deb enters with suit bags and her purse.)
DEB: Hey(!)
Dan: (Turning his head slightly to look at her.) He-hey.
DEB: I picked up your tux. (Hangs it on the door handle.) Uh, I still think you should stay home.
DAN: (Pretending to read the paper.) Oh, and miss a chance of seeing Nathan?
DEB: Dan, the doctor said -
DAN: (Looking up.) It's a Formal Deb, not a marathon.
(Deb stands at the doorway for a beat before turning.)
DAN: Hey, (Deb turns back.) what's really bothering you? (Puts the newspaper down.)
DEB: (Walking slowly into the living room.) Karen... is chaperoning too.
DAN: (Looks straight and sighs.) How many times do I have to say it? I'm sorry I told her about you and Keith. Honestly, I thought you would have told her yourself; you two being friends.
DEB: (Stiffly) That's exactly why I didn't tell her.
DAN: You lied to spare her feelings, I understand that. (Pause) But sometimes lies have a way of catching up with us. (Looks seriously at her.)
(Deb looks at him for a long time, not knowing how to respond.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - EST SHOT - DAY]
(A phone rings.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - DAY]
(Lucas is sitting at one of the tables, reading a book. His phone is ringing. He puts the book down and picks his phone up, looking at the front screen to see who it is before flipping it open.)
LUCAS: Hello?
DOCTOR MITCHELL: (Through the phone.) Hello, Lucas Scott? This is Doctor Mitchell, your father's cardiologist. (Lucas leans forward.) The doctor I referred your brother to notified me that you refused your HCM test. Can you tell me why?
LUCAS: (Struggling) I guess I'd... rather risk a short full life than... (Smiles self-deprecatingly.) have a long empty one.
DOCTOR Mitchell: (Through the phone.) Well, with the right treatment, you won't have to do either one. Look at your father.
LUCAS: (Nodding) Yeah, he practically needs a... twenty-four hour babysitter.
DOCTOR MITCHELL: Well that's not true. He's had a clean bill of health for weeks now; passed every test with flying colours. I urge you to reconsider Lucas. Please think about it.
(Lucas stares into nothing, frowning, and shuts his phone.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TRIC - THE BAR - DAY]
(Peyton works at the bar, writing down some information from the back of a CD case. Rick enters with a small box. Inside are a few CDs. Peyton turns to see who it is.)
RICK: Hey(!)
PEYTON: (Uncomfortable) Hey.
RICK: So, I had a little brush with your friend Karen.
PEYTON: (Turning back.) She found out.
RICK: Hey, look, it's cool. We'll work around her, that's all.
(Peyton looks back at him with reserved dislike.)
RICK: (Puts the box on the bar.) Here's some bands I think that might work for your club. Like what you hear, just give me a shout. (Peyton looks at the box and nods.) I gotta go, alright? (Stops at the door.) There's a little something in there... (Points) for you too.
(Peyton looks at him, he waves before exiting. She waves back a little before nervously taking the box. She flips through the CDs before taking out a small glass bottle with cocaine inside. Peyton's torn.)
FADE TO BLACK:
COMMERICAL SET:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - EST SHOT - DAY]
KAREN: (v.o) Andy, that's fine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KAREN'S CAFÉ - DAY]
(Karen and Haley are behind the counter. Karen is balancing a phone between her ear and shoulder as she speaks into it.)
KAREN: (Pause as he replies.) Alright, I'll see you when you get back. (Hangs up the phone.)
HALEY: (Turns her head.) Andy down-under?
KAREN: Oh, New York for a seminar.
(The bell above the door jingles as somebody enters. Karen turns to the noise.)
KAREN: Hey, there she is(!)
(Peyton stands at the doorway and waves as she walks further into the shop.)
KAREN: Give my trusty club promoter a sack on the house. She's earned it(!)
HALEY: Alright(!) (Grabs the coffee pot before approaching Peyton.) Sup girly?!
PEYTON: Actually, this trusty club promoter needs a favour.
HALEY: (Pouring coffee.) Alright.
PEYTON: How would you feel about playing TRIC next weekend? (Chris is seen by the entrance, Peyton talks quickly.) And I don't mean just... one or two songs. (Chris enters.) I mean... like a whole set.
HALEY: Oh, wow, I'm flattered but I can't.
PEYTON: Why not?!
HALEY: Cos I don't have a set(!)
CHRIS: (Butting in.) I got plenty of songs.
PEYTON: Really(!) See, that's weird cos I wouldn't know that. I've never even heard him play one.
CHRIS: Ah, but you know, let's just skip to the track where you tell me you want me to play.
PEYTON: How do I know you're not gonna screw me again?
(Haley watches the pair.)
CHRIS: Been there, done that.
PEYTON: Are you gonna have a list of crazy demands?
CHRIS: Yeah, but just one; Haley (Inclines his head to her.) plays with me.
HALEY: (Shocked) Uh... do you really think I'm ready for that?
CHRIS: Uh, no. But you will be if we rehearse tonight.
HALEY: Oh, I can't tonight. Tonight's the Formal.
CHRIS: Hmm, just as well; I don't really wanna play with someone who's not... totally committed. Not with record labels in the audience.
(Haley rolls her eyes and looks at Peyton.)
CHRIS: I have interest. But you just went off that prom.
(Haley is not happy.)
HALEY: Alright, fine, I'll be there.
(Chris smirks, self satisfied, and leaves. Peyton smiles to herself.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SUIT SHOP - DAY]
(Nathan and Lucas enter a suit shop.)
NATHAN: (Voice low.) Check it out. (They walk further in and Lucas shuts the door.) I got tipped off - Haley is gonna get crowed queen tonight. (Nathan smiles.)
LUCAS: Wow, that's great. Does she know?
NATHAN: (Looking down for some suit.) No. I've totally been acting like I don't even wanna go.
(Lucas picks up a hat and puts it on.)
NATHAN: I've actually got a pretty incredible night lined up for her though.
LUCAS: (Laughs and takes the hat off.) Haley, queen of the Formal. Now that's hard to believe -
NATHAN: Yeah -
LUCAS: considering... last years Formal, we spent playing miniature golf and making fun of the whole thing. (Laughs)
NATHAN: Now I'm hanging out with you losers. (Laughs)
LUCAS: (Semi seriously.) Hey.
(Felix stands by the changing rooms, looking at his watch, as Mouth exits. Mouth has trouble putting on his cummerbund. Felix smiles when he sees Mouth. Mouth sighs as he turns his back to Felix. Felix smiles and helps him.)
MOUTH: (Standing straight.) I feel stupid; going without a date.
FELIX: (Smiles) Events like these are loaded with emotionally vulnerable girls. Ripe for the picking. (Mouth looks ahead, unimpressed.) Some other sucker buys the flowers... and you pluck the petals.
MOUTH: (Laughs) I think petal-plucking is more your style.
FELIX: (Looks at him seriously.) What's that supposed to mean?
MOUTH: (Uncomfortably) It means... I want something more with a girl.
FELIX: (Nodding) Yeah, well maybe I do too Mouth. (Mouth looks at him. Felix nudges him good heartedly.) Or not(!) (Laughs slightly.)
(Mouth smiles and shakes his head, Felix pats him on the back. Mouth continues to adjust his cummerbund.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY]
(Peyton sits at her computer. She clicks a little and then searches her email folder. The search finishes, showing no new messages. Peyton sadly clicks one more time before turning her head to look at the picture she drew of Jake and Jenny at the dock before they left for Savannah.)
BROOKE: (Entering Peyton's room.) Hey! (Takes her backpack off and puts it on Peyton's bed before turning and looking at Peyton's Formal dress, mouth open.) Oh, is this your dress? (Touches it.)
(It's light green, a little frilly and made of silk.)
PEYTON: Yeah. It was my mom's. She wore it to her Formal.
BROOKE: (Crosses her arms and walks to Peyton.) Ahhh, so your mom was wearing vintage in the eighties.
PEYTON: (Shrugging) No. (Laughs)
BROOKE: (Honestly) I know she would have loved to have seen you in it.
PEYTON: (Nods.) Thanks. (Pause) Well at least some part of her will be with me tonight. (Smiles)
BROOKE: (Nods) It's gonna be a great night. Just the two of us.
(Peyton laughs. Anna knocks on the side of the doorframe.)
ANNA: Hey!
BROOKE: (Happiness slipping.) (To herself.) Or not(!) (Waves to Anna half-heartedly.)
PEYTON: (Explaining) Its Anna's first Formal so... I thought maybe we could all get ready together.
(Anna walks in with her dress in plastic, draped across both arms.)
BROOKE: Cool.
ANNA: Besides, Felix is at home, hogging the mirror. (They all laugh.)
(Peyton sits on her bed. Anna puts her dress on the bed.)
ANNA: Um... I could use some help with my hair. (Walks to the mirror.) What do you think Lucas prefers? (Touches her hair. Brooke stands there, arms crossed.) Straight... or curly? (Both Peyton and Brooke approach the mirror and stand behind Anna - Brooke with her straight hair and Peyton with her curly.) (Compromising) Half and half?
(Anna squirms as Brooke and Peyton exchange a look.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY]
(Close-up of the laptop screen as the cursor clicks on the 'CD Burner' icon. The window comes up and 'HALEYS_SONG' is the disc name. The data begins to record and Nathan smiles as he watches it. The song starts to play.)
HALEY: #Dancing where the stars go blue,
Dancing -#
(Haley appears and turns the song off.)
HALEY: (Short of scolding.) Nathan(!)
NATHAN: Ha-Hales, come on, it sounded amazing!
HALEY: That is a work in progress and you have a habit of sending out things before they're finished! (Nudges him.)
NATHAN: Well, you see how well that turned out. (Haley smiles.) And when... when did you find the time to record this?
HALEY: Oh just... when you were in Charlotte; over the weekend. (Starts to walk away before she remembers something and stops.) Oh... shoot. Um... OK, so something's come up. (Pause) Peyton wants me to play the next TRIC night... with... with Chris.
NATHAN: (Unhappily) Haley... come on, you don't need that guy.
HALEY: He's got connections and they're gonna see me play and... it's just really important that I rehearse with him. (Deep breath.) Starting tonight.
NATHAN: (Looks at her.) Hales(!)
HALEY: Well, come on, I'm just gonna be a little bit late. We won't miss anything. I promise. OK? Promise.
(She walks into the bedroom. Nathan watches her and the looks down at the computer screen. It says 'DATA SUCCESSFULLY RECORDED TO DISK'. He presses exit and then takes the disc out, smiling.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAY]
(Anna puts some lip gloss on her lips as Peyton watches.)
ANNA: So... whaddaya think? Do I like it?
PEYTON: You love it! (Grabs the gloss and walks to her bag.) And... it's gonna be in here, you know, just in case you need a post-Lucas touch-up.
ANNA: (Gasps) Stop it(!) (Smiles at Peyton.) By the way, your room is... incredible.
PEYTON: Ah, thank you. (Peyton looks at Jake and Jenny. Anna does too.)
ANNA: So... (Pointing to the picture.) who's that?
PEYTON: Oh, that's uh... that's Jake and Jenny. Or at least it was. They... had to move away.
ANNA: Do you... keep in touch?
PEYTON: No, not really. (Pause) I mean, I've rung him a couple of times but he hasn't responded so... I guess he has his reasons. (Bites her lip.)
(Anna smiles.)
BROOKE: (o.s) OK. (Walks in, slightly conserved.) If you were a guy, would this dress do it for you?
PEYTON: You look awesome.
ANNA: Yeah!
PEYTON: Spin! (Circles with her hand.)
(Brooke spins, stops and smiles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - 'DREAMS DO COME TRUE' FORMAL - EVENING]
(Mouth stands outside, looking at his watch. Lucas and Anna approach him.)
ANNA: (Reading) 'Dreams... Do Come True'. (Looks at Lucas.)
LUCAS: Well... (Looking at his ticket.) One per ticket.
ANNA: Then I'll be careful what I wish for.
(They reach Mouth.)
LUCAS: Mouth, you coming?
MOUTH: Ah, in a sec. Felix told me to wait five minutes before going in so we don't look like a couple.
LUCAS: Come on.
(They open the curtains and walk into the Formal. There are lots of tiny lights everywhere, over bushes and an Eiffel Tower replica. Food is laid out on tables and the lights are very dim. Anna looks at it all and smiles, awed.)
(Lucas holds out his hand, Anna accepts and they walk into the crowd. People are around, dancing, sitting and enjoying themselves. Lucas pulls out a chair for Anna.)
ANNA: (Puts her ticket on the table and pulls up her skirts.) Thank you. (Sits down.)
BROOKE: OK, let's get a table and do a laugh. (Brooke and Peyton stand there. Peyton has styled her hair in the same fashion as the eighties.)
PEYTON: Oh, Anna's saving us seats at her table.
BROOKE: (Pause) That'll be cosy. Do you forget who she's here with? Do you wanna sit with him?
PEYTON: We're gonna have to if we're hanging out with Anna!
BROOKE: Keep this up P. S. and I might just get jealous(!)
PEYTON: Get? (Makes a face.)
(Felix and Mouth stop in front of Brooke.)
BROOKE: (Looking at Mouth.) Wow, look at you Mouth. Looking like James Bond
MOUTH: (Happily) Thanks! But I feel more like I'm about to pull a rabbit out of something. (Peyton laughs.)
(A song begins to play.)
BROOKE: (Turning to the music.) Well, first dance of the night goes to... (Grabs Mouth's front.) Double-o-seven. (To Peyton.) Thank you(!)
(Peyton waves at them. She's left standing there with Felix.)
(Camera focuses on a blue curtain with silver, paper, stars stuck to it. Pan to people dancing a slow one. The camera stops on Anna and Lucas.)
ANNA: I'm really glad we did this.
LUCAS: (Smiles) Me too.
(Camera pans to Brooke and Mouth.)
BROOKE: (Complaining) I mean I like Anna enough and all... but I feel like I just got my friend back and now somebody's horning in on her and I don't feel like I should have to share her! Know what I mean?
MOUTH: I know exactly what you mean.
BROOKE: That's why I love you Mouth; you totally get me. You're not like the rest of the guys here.
MOUTH: Thanks. (Pause) But, sometimes I wish I was like all the other guys. (Brooke silently asks why.) They have dates. (Smiles)
BROOKE: Are you kidding?! Girls totally fall for the sensitive guy. Look at Felix; none of his lame lines did anything for me, but what did... was when I got wasted at TRIC and he took me home and took care of me.
(Mouth is hurt by this blatant lie that Felix obviously told.)
(Pan to Peyton sitting at a table, alone and looking depressed. Felix sits down next to her.)
FELIX: You don't approve of me with Brooke do you?
PEYTON: (Refuses to look at him.) 'Friends with Benefits' is crap and you know it.
FELIX: (Smirks) Wow. Hard to believe you don't have a date.
PEYTON: (Finally faces him.) I'm here with Brooke.
FELIX: Yeah... but at the end of the night... I'll be with Brooke. Who will you be with?
(Felix smiles and gets up. Peyton just stares at the space he was sitting.)
HALEY: (v.o) #Where do you go when you're lonely,
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. RECORDING STUDIO - EVENING]
(Chris stands and watches Haley sing.)
HALEY: (o.s) Where do you go when the stars go blue.#
(Haley stops singing and takes the earphones off, looking unsure of the reaction she'll receive. Chris stands and enters the recording booth, leaning against the doorjamb and watching her.)
HALEY: (Messing with her hair.) What?!
CHRIS: Nothing, it's fine.
HALEY: OK, are you sure?
CHRIS: Yeah. The only problem is... you know... labels don't spend millions of dollars promoting fine. Radio stations don't put fine into their rotation. (Haley pulls her hair back.) So record execs aren't gonna come see fine, Haley.
HALEY: I thought you said you had interest(!)
CHRIS: I do, and if I had a great demo I can get them to come to TRIC... but right now the demo's not great Haley. (Pause) It's just... fine.
HALEY: (Shrugs) Well... I don't know, maybe we can just pick it up tomorrow. I've gotta go!
CHRIS: Oh, sure... well that's fine. (Exits the booth.)
(Haley's phone rings and she answers it.)
HALEY: Oh hey sweetie, I'm sorry. This is taking a lot longer than I expected.
(Cut to Nathan standing outside of the apartment with a corsage in one hand and his phone in the other.)
NATHAN: Well how much longer?
(Cut back to the booth. Haley looks at Chris, upset.)
HALEY: Why don't you go ahead and I will meet you there not a second later than eight-thirty.
(Cut back to Nathan.)
NATHAN: Haley?!
HALEY: (Through the phone.) I'm sorry(!) What's the big deal, I mean, so we miss a few minutes, you didn't wanna go anyway, right?
(Cut back to Nathan.)
NATHAN: (Not happy.) OK. Alright, I'll see you there.
HALEY: OK, love you. (Smiles sadly and hangs up the phone.)
(Cut back to Nathan. He hangs up the phone and then walks up to a man in a horse-drawn carriage with lights decorating it.)
NATHAN: Sorry, uh... you go ahead and take off. I'm not gonna need you after all.
(He gives the man some money. Nathan sighs and the horse clomps away.)
FADE TO BLACK:
[SCENE_BREAK]
COMMERCIAL SET:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - 'DREAMS DO COME TRUE' FORMAL - EVENING]
(Nathan walks in, corsage still in his hands. He looks around. Tim walks up to him.)
TIM: (Nudges him.) Bout time you showed up! Where's the whip and chain?
NATHAN: Ball and chain Tim. She'll be here. (Leaves Tim behind as he walks off.)
TIM: (Persistently follows.) Whatever, so how long we gotta hang here until operation 'Reets the Beach'.
NATHAN: Until you finish operation 'What the Hell Are You Talking About?'.
TIM: The party man. Your parents beach house?
NATHAN: You gotta get the key first. Remember the plan?
TIM: You know it! (Looks behind.) Uh-oh (Hisses) Phoenix and Psycho... (looks back again for a second.) on your twenty.
NATHAN: (Looks around.) Tim... just say my parents are here. (Faces them as they approach.)
DEB: (Nodding at her son.) Nathan. Hi Tim. You two look very handsome. (Tim smiles widely.)
NATHAN: Thanks mom. (Dan stares.) Dad.
DAN: Nice corsage. Where's the girl to go with it?
NATHAN: Haley's... recording some music right now. She'll be here soon.
DEB: Well I'm... I'm sure she's making an effort.
NATHAN: Which means that my first dance is with you. (Smiles at his mom.)
DEB: (Happy) I'd be delighted.
(Deb gives her bag to Dan and Nathan gives the corsage to Tim. Deb takes Nathan's arm and leads him onto the dance floor. Tim walks up to Dan and looks at him.)
DAN: (Looks sideways.) Don't ask me to dance, Tim. (Walks away.)
(Tim continues to watch him.)
(Mouth walks up behind Felix as he's getting some punch and forces him around by the shoulder.)
FELIX: (Stunned) Mouth?! What the hell?
MOUTH: That's what I wanna know. (Pause) You told Brooke you were the one that got her home the night of the TRIC opening.
FELIX: So? (Shrugs) you took first shift, I was the closer. What difference does it make?
MOUTH: Why would you do that?
FELIX: (Looks around before speaking quietly.) The same reason I gave you the money for the dollhouse.
MOUTH: So, what? You're saying you're really into her?
FELIX: It's like you said Mouth; (Pause) I want more too. (Pause) With Brooke.
(Felix walks away, leaving behind an extremely hurt Mouth. The camera zooms out slowly.)
(Nathan is dancing with Deb.)
DEB: You know, I-I... I always thought I'd have the first dance at your wedding.
(Nathan looks at him mom.)
DEB: Sorry(!) I'm not here to give you grief, I just... I wanna make sure you're happy.
(Nathan looks at Tim who is desperately going through Deb's purse.)
NATHAN: When's the last time you were happy mom?
DEB: When we were a family. And taking shots at me won't (Nathan sighs loudly.) make Haley get here any faster.
(Nathan looks at Tim taking things out of Deb's purse.)
DEB: I-I don't get it Nathan, I-I try to show some concern... and all I get is attitude. (Looks at him.) And Haley abandons you at your Formal (Tim holds the keys to the beach house up.) and she gets a pass?
NATHAN: (Pointing at Tim.) Yes!
DEB: What?(!)
NATHAN: Whatever. Uh... thanks for the dance, mom. (Makes to move away.)
DEB: The song is not over Nathan.
NATHAN: Yeah but... the dance is. (Looks at her for a beat before he walks away.)
(Deb watches him sadly.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. RECORDING STUDIO - RECORDING BOOTH - EVENING]
(Haley's sings.)
HALEY: (Her eyes are closed.) #Glow when the stars go blue.#
(She smiles at Chris.)
HALEY: That was good! (Takes the earphone off.)
CHRIS: (Presses a button and his voice echoes in the room.) That sounded better.
HALEY: Better than good?
CHRIS: Well, better than crap.
HALEY: Oh, that's nice, that's what I think I'll name my first album; 'Better than Crap'. (They smile.)
CHRIS: (Smiling) Nah, it sounded good. (Nods)
HALEY: (Looks at the clock and her smile drops.) Is that clock right?
CHRIS: (Looking at the clock.) Uh, no, I unplugged it.
HALEY: You what?!
CHRIS: You were (Makes an inch of space between his index finger and thumb.) that close to nailing it.
HALEY: (Appalled) What time is it?!
CHRIS: Nine and change.
HALEY: Oh my god! I can not believe you did that. Nathan is gonna kill me!
CHRIS: No, just play him the track. He'll understand.
HALEY: No, trust me, he won't. (Slings her bag over her shoulder and walks out.)
(Chris looks at her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - 'DREAMS DO COME TRUE' FORMAL - EVENING]
(Felix is sitting at a table by himself. Brooke walks up to him.)
BROOKE: Having fun yet?
FELIX: (Smiles up at her.) Depends. (She raises an eyebrow.) Will I see you later?
BROOKE: (Shrugs a shoulder.) Maybe I'll have a couple of drinks and let you rescue me again. (She walks away.)
(Mouth is watching from the side, frowning. He turns and leaves just after Brooke does.)
(Anna walks up to Tim who is sitting alone at his own table.)
ANNA: Hey, have you seen Peyton?
TIM: Yeah, she's looking pretty fine.
ANNA: (Laughs nervously.) No, I need to borrow her lipstick. Which one's her purse?
TIM: Oh, it's the fake findy baguette... (Anna looks pointedly.) I mean, I guess. (Gets up and leaves.)
(Anna laughs as she goes into Peyton's purse. She finds the drugs quite easily and just stares at it. Unhappily, she looks around at the people and puts the drugs back.)
(Nathan stands around, still holding the corsage and waiting for Haley. Tim comes up to him with a flask.)
TIM: Hey Nate, you mind standing watch?
NATHAN: Watch what, you mean the lightweight (Looks down at Tim's flask.) or the flask. (Continues to looks around.)
TIM: (Laughs) I just thought like... with Haley.
NATHAN: D'ya see her here? (Takes a swig from the flask.)
(All the guys cheer.)
(Lucas is pouring himself some punch when Dan walks up behind him.)
DAN: (To someone off-screen.) I'll have what he's having. (Points to Lucas.)
(Lucas turns his head to look at him.)
DAN: Say a... death wish isn't it?
(Lucas drops the punch ladle.)
LUCAS: (Miffed) I can pretend to know what you're talking about, (Shaking his head.) or you can just tell me.
DAN: My cardiologist told me you backed out of your HCM test.
LUCAS: (Caught) Better than lying about the results. (Smiles slightly as he drinks.)
DAN: And what does that mean?
LUCAS: Your doc told me you aced the test. Guess you were... planning on keeping that to yourself.
DAN: (Smiles) Alright, I deserved that. (Pause) But I lied because I'm trying to get my wife back and I can't do that if I'm not in her life.
LUCAS: (Not buying it but humouring him.) Sounds like a good way to rationalise... but even though you can blow the lines, it's still a lie and you don't lie to the people you love.
DAN: Is that right? (Lucas nods.) Well then tell me something - does you mom know? That you backed out of your heart test? Or is that part kind of blurry?
(Dan walks away and Lucas turns slightly, torn.)
(Peyton and Anna sit at a table.)
ANNA: Can I talk to you?
PEYTON: Yeah, what's up?
(The camera moves and we see that they are not alone. Felix is there too.)
FELIX: Hey, no secrets... unless they're juicy(!) (Peyton looks at Anna.) I guess I'm not used to seeing my little sis... in anything other than a Catholic school uniform. (Anna glares at him.)
PEYTON: I think she looks gorgeous. (She touches Anna's hair innocently. Anna smiles her thanks.)
FELIX: Wow, I didn't know this was a lesbian mixer. (Felix, Tim and some other guys laugh.)
ANNA: (Smile drops.) Yeah! (Shoves Peyton's hand away.) Don't be so gay Peyton.
(Peyton looks at her open-mouthed. People, including Felix, get up and walk onto the dance floor as the music begins playing. Anna's a little uncomfortable as she looks up slightly. Lucas approaches their table and holds his hand out to Anna. Peyton is still sitting there dumbfounded.)
LUCAS: Care to dance?
(Anna takes his hand and they walk away. Peyton is left sitting there, alone again. She watches people dance and looks on sadly.)
(Brooke is standing near the DJ. Felix stops in front of her and holds out his arm. She smiles and links with him. They walk away. Peyton looks down at her bag.)
(Karen is in the ladies, touching her hair up in front of the mirror. Peyton walks in.)
KAREN: (Spotting her.) Peyton!
(Peyton stops and turns to her.)
KAREN: (Sees Peyton's expression.) Oh no. Bad night?
PEYTON: (Obviously sad.) No, um... I'm OK. It's just...
KAREN: Not exactly a 'Dream Come True'?
PEYTON: (Smiles and all but whispers.) Yeah.
KAREN: (Smiles) Well it could be worse. My Formal, I went with Dan(!) (Laughs) (Peyton smiles tearfully.) Well there's a smile. (Peyton nods, almost crying.) Now come on, get out there and have some fun. You... (Looks down.) can't let a stunning dress like that go to waste.
PEYTON: (Looks down.) Thanks, it was my mom's.
(Karen looks at her, lost for words. Peyton is on the verge of crying her heart out and Karen finally realises. Karen gasps.)
KAREN: (Hugs her, whispering) Oh Peyton(!) Oh(!)
(Peyton hugs her.)
KAREN: You know. (Lets go of Peyton.) I don't know what it's like to have a daughter... but I do know what it's like to be a mother and... yours would be so proud of the woman you've become. (Puts a hand to her cheek. Peyton cries a little.) Oh, I didn't mean to go make you sad. (Wipes a tear off her cheek.)
PEYTON: No, no. Um... I'm gonna be fine. (Nods and sniffs.)
KAREN: I know you are. (Peyton looks at Karen with very red eyes.) (Sincerely) I know you are.
(Peyton smiles and looks down. Karen leaves the toilets.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TREE HILL HIGH SCHOOL - 'DREAMS DO COME TRUE' FORMAL - EVENING]
BROOKE: (o.s) Excuse me. (Brooke appears, about to exit the Formal.)
MOUTH: Brooke! (Mouth dislodges himself from the crowd and hurries to catch up with her.)
(Brooke stops and turns.)
MOUTH: I need to talk to you.
BROOKE: Um... can it wait, just a second? Cos I'm running to the ladies.
MOUTH: (Ploughing on.) I didn't buy your dollhouse.
BROOKE: (Smile changes to a look of confusion.) So what, you stole it? (Playing) Why Mr Bond, you are a scoundrel(!)
MOUTH: Felix bought it. (Brooke's smiles fades.) He just wanted me to say I did so he wouldn't break your stupid rules. (Brooke looks for a beat before looks down with a disbelieving sigh.) And after the club opening I'm the one who took you home(!) I took care of you, not Felix, me(!) And I did it because I-
BROOKE: (Interrupting him, angry and hurt.) So you both lied to me?(!)
MOUTH: Brooke-
BROOKE: Mouth, I can not believe you, I thought we were friends! (Mouth is lost.) Guess I was wrong(!) (She turns and walks a few steps before turning back.) Oh, and by the way, congratulations, you got your wish because you are just like every other guy!
(Mouth stares after her, miserable. He turns and walks away.)
(Lucas stops in front of Dan.)
LUCAS: So I guess you're gonna tell my mom about me not taking that test right?
DAN: (Smiles, laughs and turns his head for a second.) Don't worry Lucas, your secrets safe with me. (Holds his hand out. Lucas shakes it, nodding his thanks. Dan pulls him slightly closer.) For now(!) Cos I'm not gonna tell your mother, you are. (Lucas looks at him, face set.) I know you Lucas; you'll do the right thing. (Nods)
(Karen stands on the stage, in front of the microphone.)
KAREN: Alright, if I could have your attention please!
(Everyone stops and turns to look at the stage.)
NATHAN: (On the phone, slightly pissed.) Call me back as soon as you get this Hales.
KAREN: (In the background.) Everybody, if you could gather around.
NATHAN: I'm starting to freak out a little bit.
KAREN: The votes are in for Tree Hill High's king and queen. (She smiles. Haley walks in, desperately searching for Nathan.) As you know, over the last week, the student (Nathan sees her.) body was asked to cast a vote for one king and one queen.
HALEY: (Over Karen talking.) Nathan! I'm so sorry I'm late. I just...
NATHAN: Come on, come on we gotta hurry, we gotta hurry. (Takes the corsage out and attempt to pin it on her.)
HALEY: Clock at the studio stopped and... (The pin pokes her.) ow! (Looks at him closely.) Have you been drinking?
NATHAN: Just a little bit. (Mumbles the rest.)
KAREN: (o.s) This years, Tree Hill High, (Cut back to Karen.) king and queen are... Nathan and Haley Scott!
(Haley looks at the stage, dumbfounded. Nathan smiles. Haley turns back to him, overjoyed, and kisses him. They walk to the front. Her song starts to play. Haley smiles at the people congratulating her before the song clicks and her smile vanishes.)
HALEY: Nathan!
NATHAN: Surprise(!)
HALEY: But this-
NATHAN: Come on, come on.
HALEY: I told you, this song isn't ready yet!
NATHAN: I know, but you're too critical. Everyone's gonna love it.
(They get onto the stage.)
NATHAN: (Smiling) I told the DJ to play it if you won.
(Haley looks up, waiting for what she knows is coming.)
NATHAN: (Holding her hand.) This is your night Hales. I want it to be perfect.
(Karen puts the tiara on top of Haley's head. Chris' part comes on and he starts to sing. Nathan freezes as Karen puts the crown on his head.)
NATHAN: Wait, is that... is that Chris? (Haley moves some hair out of her face as she smiles guiltily at the crowd. She looks at him uncomfortably.) You told me that I was in Charlotte when you recorded this. (Pause) You were with Chris then and you didn't tell me? (He's hurt by her lies.)
HALEY: (Speechless) Nathan, I was going to tell you, I swear. (Nathan looks forward, disbelieving.)
NATHAN: (The camera zooms out slowly.) Yeah? You're a little late. (Sighs.) For the second time tonight.
(Camera continues to zoom out as the tension between Nathan and Haley grows. Chris' voice comes out over the speaker, loud and clear.)
FADE TO BLACK:
COMMERICAL SET:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE BEACH HOUSE - THE DOCK - EVENING]
(A lot of laughter and noise is heard as the camera pans down to the beach house and then the dock.)
(Nathan walks up the dock to Haley who stands there, looking over the edge and out at the sea.)
NATHAN: (Pissed) You know, I'm having a hard time getting my head around how you could be pissed at me(!)
HALEY: (Turning to him.) Because you deliberately did something I asked you not to!
NATHAN: Whatever! I spent the whole night waiting for you; planning everything, dodging my parents... all while you were with Chris!
HALEY: (Angry) Can we leave him out of this please?
NATHAN: Why? Are you into him?
HALEY: (Tearfully) You know what, it really hurts me that you even have to ask me that.
NATHAN: (Beat) Not as much as it hurts me.
(Nathan turns and walks back to the house. The camera stays on Haley who watches his departure before turning back to looking at the sea, sighing. She looks back at him one more time.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. THE BEACH HOUSE - BEDROOM - EVENING]
(Lucas opens the door and enters. Anna is inside, standing by a window, drinking. Lucas closes the door and walks further into the room, a smile on his face. He approaches Anna, hands in his pockets.)
LUCAS: Still drinking?
ANNA: (Twirling the empty cup.) Not anymore(!) (Laughs drunkenly.)
(Lucas laughs a bit and she practically attacks him, kissing him.)
LUCAS: (Breaking off.) Woah!
(Anna laughs and walks to the side of the bed. Still standing, she drops one shoulder strap.)
ANNA: Make sure the door's locked OK?
(Lucas walks forward as she tries to undo her dress from the back. He stops in front of her, sighing slightly. He smiles kindly as he pulls her dress strap back up.)
LUCAS: We don't have to rush this.
ANNA: (Trying to fight off the embarrassment.) I don't understand. Aren't you into me?
LUCAS: Oh, of course I am. (He pauses before trying to explain.) I just promised myself that... I'd be in love next time. (Anna averts her eyes.) And... I'd really get to know the person first. And we're still doing that. And I love... where it's going... but I'm... (Shakes his head.) just not ready. Anna, not yet.
(Anna nods and sits on the bed.)
ANNA: I'm such an idiot(!)
LUCAS: (Sitting next to her.) Don't say that. (Looks at her for a moment before continuing.) Look, Anna, (Pause) my parents rushed into things... look how badly I turned out. (They smile. Look, I just... I wanna make sure that this is right. (Anna nods.) You know? (He nudges her.)
ANNA: (Smiling) I'm sorry. I am so embarrassed.
LUCAS: Hey... (Puts his arm around her.) don't be.
ANNA: No, I know I've been sending you mixed signals. (Shakes her head.) First I'm telling you to go slow and then I'm... taking my dress off. I don't know what I'm doing.
LUCAS: (Beat) I do. (He stands.) We're going for a walk on the beach. (Smiles) Come on.
ANNA: (Stands) Thank you Lucas but... I think I just wanna... go home.
(Lucas looks at her for a long times before nodding.)
LUCAS: OK. I'll take you.
ANNA: No! (With difficulty.) It's not you, it's just... (Sighs) I'm all over the place and I just need to... clear my head. (Pause) I'm sorry.
(Anna walks away miserably and Lucas watches her, knowing that he's hurt her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE BEACH HOUSE - PORCH - EVENING]
(Brooke steps up to Felix who is chatting with someone. She puts her hand on his shoulder.)
BROOKE: (Quietly) Hey. (She inclines her head towards the house.)
(Smiling, Felix walks with her. Mouth watches them, saddened. Peyton comes up behind Mouth, looking for someone.)
PEYTON: Oh, hey Mouth, have you seen Brooke?
MOUTH: Yeah, she's um... 'Benefiting' with Felix. (Grabs a bottle off the table and walks out onto the beach.)
(Peyton watches him and then starts to walk towards the house. Somebody walks straight into her and spills red wine all over her mother's Formal dress.)
PEYTON: (Disbelieving) Oh my god(!)
GUY: I'm sorry.
(Peyton excuses him with a wave of her hand and he leaves. She touches the stain, dejectedly.)
(Brooke opens a door and she and Felix walk into a bedroom.)
FELIX: (Closes the door and follows her further into the room.) I was wondering when you were gonna share the love.
BROOKE: (Stops and turns to him.) There is no love(!) (Pause) We don't do love. Do you know why?
FELIX: Cos it's against the rules. But I wanna talk to you about that Brooke because-
BROOKE: (Interrupting.) You paid for my dollhouse? (Pain evident.) Oh, and then you lied to me; about taking me home that night after TRIC(!) (Waits)
FELIX: Brooke I-
BROOKE: Don't! (Pause) I almost believed you were a decent guy; somebody that could care about me but you know what? I have been lied to before, Felix, and it almost killed me(!)
(She glares at him and walks past him)
FELIX: (Turning) Brooke(!) (She turns.) I'm not like Lucas.
BROOKE; No, you're not. You know why? Because I am not gonna let you in(!) You don't get to have me; not my body and sure as hell not my heart! (Pause) We're done!
(Shuts the door behind her. Close-up of Felix's sad face.)
FADE TO BLACK:
COMMERCIAL SET:
[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BATHROOM - EVENING]
(Scrubbing and crying is heard as the camera pans up to show Peyton in her bathroom, at her sink, scrubbing the dress fiercely. The water runs and she continues to cry. She uses a toothbrush to try and get the stain off but it's not working. The stain stays there.)
PEYTON: (Crying) Please!
(She turns the tap off and after a few more scrubs, forcefully chucks the toothbrush into the sink. She uses the sink for support, looking at the stain before throwing the dress behind her.)
(Peyton opens her purse and rummages through it, finding the drugs and throws the purse aside. She opens it and pours it out onto a CD while separating it with another CD. She cries while looking at it, seeing her face reflected back at her. There's a seconds pause before she throws it against the wall and collapses against the sink, crying more.)
PEYTON: GOD! (Breaks down.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE BEACH HOUSE - PORCH - EVENING]
(Nathan stands against the wooden rails, looking into his drink. The beach house is now empty. Haley comes to a stop next to him, hands on her hips, still lost for words. Nathan sees her but looks away.)
HALEY: Listen, I want you to know something; I don't have feelings for Chris, OK? (Nathan nods slightly.) The only reason I didn't tell you about that song is because... I know you don't like him. (Trying to explain.) I don't get you Nathan, you know, you encourage me to do this music thing and than... now that Chris is involved you just-
NATHAN: You don't need that guy, Haley!
HALEY: He helps me(!) (Nathan sighs.) You don't need to feel threatened by that.
NATHAN: You think I'm threatened?
HALEY: (Pause) I know it must be hard for you; seeing me have something like this when you didn't get into basketball camp but... (Nathan turns away.) it's just not fair for you to take it out on me(!)
NATHAN: I'll tell you what Haley; (Pause) Go home... and look in my top drawer. You'll see a letter, from High Flyers. Read that... then talk to me about fair(!)
(He looks at her before walking past her. Haley sighs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
(Close-up of the picture of Jake and Jenny as it is ripped in half. Peyton puts them together and then drops them next to her on the bed. She sits with her arms on her knees, staring into nothing. She rubs her eyes. The camera pans around her to show the doorway and Anna appears.)
ANNA: (Smiling) Rough night?
PEYTON: (Nods) Yeah, you could say that.
ANNA: (Pause) Peyton, I'm sorry for what I said to you earlier. Everybody was laughing and... (Sighs) I don't know what came over me.
PEYTON: Don't worry about it.
ANNA: No, I do worry about it! We just started to be friends and... I blow it!
PEYTON: It's OK... Anna, we all do stupid things. (Pause) I've... done my fair share.
ANNA: (Cautiously) Peyton, at Haley's slumber party, you said you wanted to be able to talk about anything. (Peyton looks at her and nods.) Well... I went into your purse, earlier, to borrow your lipstick and...
PEYTON: It's OK, Anna; I already flushed it down the toilet. I've only done it that one time. I've just... (Breathes deeply.) been fighting it. (Nods)
(Anna hesitates before sitting on the bed.)
ANNA: (Picks up the torn picture of Jake and Jenny.) Does it have anything to do with this?
PEYTON: (Looks at it.) Yeah, that and everything else.
ANNA: I know what you mean. (Pause) I made a fool of myself with Lucas tonight. Why do relationships have to be so hard?
PEYTON: (Beat) Because the only thing harder is being alone. (Anna looks down.) Look, you can crash here tonight if you want to.
ANNA: Are you sure?
PEYTON: (Nods) Yeah. It's nice to have some company.
(Peyton lies down on the bed properly. Anna puts the ripped picture on the bedside table and does the same.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE BEACH - EVENING]
(Brooke sits on the beach, alone and lonely. Lucas walks up to her from in front, hands in pockets.)
LUCAS: Is this beach taken?
BROOKE: There's plenty to go around.
LUCAS: (Groans as he sits.) Don't worry; I'm not gonna ask you if you're OK.
BROOKE: Thanks.
LUCAS: (Sighs) (Pause) Know any good jokes?
BROOKE: (Laughs miserably) ...You're looking at one. (Lucas just looks at her.) Why does everybody lie? You know, the bad guys lie to get in your bed... and the good guys... lie to get in your heart(!) (Looks at him pointedly. Lucas turns away.) And I'm the idiot that falls for it every time(!)
LUCAS: (Softly) Hey... Brooke, you are not an idiot. Not even close. You know who you are. Most people don't, you know. I mean, that's why they lie. (Pause) They're afraid people might find out who they are before they figure it out themselves. (He nods.)
(Brooke looks at him and smiles.)
LUCAS: (After a long pause.) Let me take you home.
BROOKE: (Defensively) I can get home without a guy, thanks.
LUCAS: (Smiles and nods.) OK. (Stands up and starts to leave.)
BROOKE: Wait(!) (Lucas looks at her.) I really don't wanna walk.
(She looks at him before turning to get her bag. Lucas holds out his hand. Brooke looks at it for a beat, stunned, before accepting it and letting him help her up. They walk off-screen.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - EST SHOT - DAWN]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SCOTT RESIDENCE - STAIRS - DAWN]
(Dan walks down the stairs with packed bags and puts them in front of the door. Deb sees him and drops what she's doing, confronting him.)
DEB: Dan?
DAN: (Drops his bags and faces her.) I'm going back to the beach house. I lied to you Deb; bout the stress test. (Pause) The truth is; I passed. But I lied so that I could keep you near me. (Deb just looks at him, hurt and speechless.) (He sighs and leans against the door.) After the meteor shower, I saw that you were slipping away from me... and my family was slipping away. And I know now that... nothing's worth having that's based on a lie. You deserve your freedom Deb and in spite of all that's happened... I still do love you. (Turns and reaches for his bags.)
(He picks them up and opens the door.)
DEB: (Calmly) Wait(!)
(Dan stops and waits but he doesn't turn to her.)
DEB: You say you want our family to be together again; so do I Dan. But damn you if you're lying; because my heart can't take much more(!)
DAN: (Pause) Neither can mine.
(Deb walks forward and closes the door. They look at each other. The shot goes blurry.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JAMES SCOTT APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAWN]
(Haley rips open the letter from High Flyers. She opens it viciously and reads it. She cries as she reads further. It is a letter from the High Flyer director; Milt West, saying how sorry they are that he turned down the offer.)
(Haley folds the letter back up and picks the phone up, calling Nathan. The shot blurs out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. THE BEACH HOUSE - DAWN]
(Nathan sits on the wooden rails out on the beach as his phone rings. Paper cups litter the railings. He ignores it for a while, looking out at the sea, before taking the phone out and looking at the screen. He frowns before cancelling the call.)
(He gets off the rails and walks back to the beach house. The camera pans up to the dark, stormy clouds.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SAWYER RESIDENCE - PEYTON'S BEDROOM - DAWN]
(The blurry shot focuses on Peyton, in bed, wide awake. She's thinking and shoots a look at Anna. Anna is also awake.)
PEYTON: So, do you miss being in your old town?
ANNA: (Pause) No. (Shakes her head.) The thing about moving so many times, it's not the new places that are so bad; it's like... not matter where you end up, it's hard to be yourself when you get there.
(Peyton doesn't answer; she just lies there and looks at a space in her room.)
(The shot blurs out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DAVIS RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY - DAY]
(Lucas pulls up in front of Brooke's house.)
BROOKE: So, thanks for breakfast. (Smiles) We should do this more often.
LUCAS: Do what?
BROOKE: (Shrugs) Be friends.
LUCAS: (Smiling) We are friends.
BROOKE: But we should be friends.
LUCAS: (Nodding) I'd like that.
BROOKE: (Smiles and nods.) But no benefits(!)
(Lucas laughs and Brooke gets out of the car, smiling at him. Shot of Felix in his bedroom, looking out of the window, spying on their exchange. He draws the net curtains and looks into his dark room for a second before walking off-screen.) | Plan: A: Lucas; Q: Who takes Anna to the semi-formal? A: the night; Q: By the end of what time does Lucas find himself with Brooke? A: Brooke; Q: Who does Lucas end up with at the semi-formal? A: Haley; Q: Who arrives late to the formal? A: Nathan; Q: Who is angry that Haley is late to the formal? A: Chris; Q: Who did Haley record with? A: Peyton; Q: Who struggles with pressure to do drugs? A: Garbage; Q: What band did this episode get its name from? Summary: Lucas takes Anna to the semi-formal but by the end of the night, finds himself with Brooke. Haley arrives late to the formal which angers Nathan when he finds out that she has been recording with Chris. Meanwhile, Peyton struggles with pressure to do drugs. This episode is named after a song by Garbage . |
Teleplay by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones
Story by: Robert Carlock
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is trying on a pair of new boots as Chandler enters.]
Monica: Hey! So what do you think?
Chandler: New haircut? (Monica nods 'No.') Necklace? (No) Dress? (No) Boots? (Monica nods 'Yes.') Boots!
Monica: Yes! Now, they're a little more than I normally spend on boots...or rent (Shows him the receipt.)
Chandler: Oh my God!
Monica: I know.
Chandler: I'm gonna miss being able to afford food.
Monica: I'm sorry, they just, they just look so good! And the saleswoman was looking at me like, "Oh, these are way too expensive for you."
Chandler: She had a point. (Shows her the receipt.)
Rachel: (entering) Hi!
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Oh my God! (Notices the boots) Oh Monica! Those boots are amazing!
Monica: They're mine!
Chandler: Yeah well, too bad we're gonna have to return them.
Rachel: Return them?! Shh! They're gonna hear you!
Monica: Honey, I'm not returning them. Okay? I mean I-I know they cost a lot, but I'm going to wear them all the time. You'll see. Besides, I love the compliments. I mean, have you ever had something so beautiful everyone wanted it?
Chandler: I have you.
Monica: Nice try; I'm keeping the boots.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is talking to Rachel's, who is now showing, stomach.]
Ross: That's right, I love you! And-and I'm gonna play with you all the time.
Phoebe: How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
Rachel: (pause) He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Ohh! Okay! Okay, cause when-when he said, "I can't wait to hear your first words," I thought, "There's a trick."
Rachel: Okay. Well, I gotta go you guys. I'll see you later.
Phoebe: Okay.
Ross: Bye.
Rachel: Bye. (She gets up to leave but is stopped by Joey)
Joey: Oh hey Rach, listen-Hi!
Rachel: Hi.
Joey: Umm, can you do me a favor? I was talkin' to my sister and she knows you work at Ralph Lauren...
Rachel: No, forget it! No way! I am not sending anymore Ralph Lauren clothes to prison. It is a waste.
Joey: No-no-no-no-no-no, not her, not her. My youngest sister, Dina, she's really interested in fashion, and she wants to talk to someone successful, y'know, to give her some advice.
Rachel: I guess I can talk to one of my supervisors...
Joey: Oh no-no-no-no, she wants to talk to you!
Rachel: Really?! Oh my God! I'm successful!
Joey: Okay, so will you meet with her?
Rachel: Yes! I'd love to! Have her come by the office.
Joey: Great! Thanks! You're gonna love her so much. And-Oh, she's the smartest of all the Tribbiani children. Hey, y'know the S.A.T's?
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: She took 'em!
(Joey goes to get coffee and Rachel exits as the camera pans to Phoebe and Ross on the couch.)
Phoebe: Hey Ross! Doesn't Ben go to the Smithfield Day School?
Ross: Yeah. Why?
Phoebe: Sting has a son that goes there too!
Ross: Yeah I know; he's in Ben's class.
Phoebe: You knew this and you never said anything?! With all the stupid dinosaur stuff you tell us?!
Ross: Fine! No more dinosaur stuff! Can I talk about fossils? (Joey is about to sit down and hears this so instead he groans and exits.)
Phoebe: Sting's son, seven years old and there's a picture.
Ross: What are you reading? The Kidnappers Guide to Manhattan Private Schools?
Phoebe: No, it's New York magazine. It's an article about the best schools in the city. So how well do you know Sting?
Ross: Uh, I actually haven't even met him.
Phoebe: Uh-huh, yeah that's too bad. I really want to go to his concert Friday night, but it's totally sold out. I know! Why don't you meet him and get tickets?! If you get two I'll take you.
Ross: Well actually, I'm picking Ben up tomorrow, maybe he'll be there.
Phoebe: There you go! Oh, you are so lucky! You might actually get to meet Sting tomorrow! That's why you have kids!
[Scene: Central Perk, the next day Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there as Monica enters.]
Monica: Hey guys!
Chandler: Hey-hey.
Rachel: Hi Monica!
Monica: Hey. (Sits down on the arm of the couch.)
Rachel: Hi boots.
Monica: See Chandler? I'm getting a lot of use out of them already! They're very practical. See, you can wear them with dresses, with skirts, with pants...
Chandler: You can wear them with shorts on a street corner and earn the money to pay for them. (Goes and gets some coffee at the counter.)
Phoebe: Wow! They're beautiful!
Rachel: Ahh...
Monica: (almost crying) They hurt so much!
Phoebe: What?!
Monica: The guy who made these hates feet and wants to see them die!
Rachel: Well-well you can give them to me! I haven't felt my feet in years!
Monica: I can't! I spent so much money on them and I told Chandler that I'd wear them all the time, I just can't give them away!
Phoebe: Well then get your money back and return them!
Monica: I can't do that either! The soles' are already a little scuffed up and the insides are filled with my blood.
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: (returning to his seat) Hey!
Ross: Hey I uh just picked up Ben from school...
Chandler: (spinning around looking for him) I don't think you did a very thorough job!
Ross: I dropped him off at Carol's. (To Phoebe) Anyway, it turns out that I'm not going to be able to get those tickets though.
Phoebe: Oh no! Why not?
Ross: Well it turns out that Ben and Sting's son do not get along.
Phoebe: How come?!
Ross: Apparently, Sting's son made fun of the fact that Ben's moms are lesbinims.
Phoebe: Wait! But Ross if they don't get along then you should smooth things over. Make them be friends.
Ross: Phoebe, you can't force kids to be friends.
Phoebe: Sure you can! Give them some blocks, put them in a playpen!
Ross: Playpen?! Ben's seven!
Phoebe: Your kid is seven?! (Ross nods, "Yes.") (To the rest) He's really small. (To Ross) Please! Please get the tickets!
Ross: Look I'm sorry Pheebs, I can't do it.
Phoebe: Yes you can! Sting says so himself!
Ross: What?
Phoebe: (singing) Rosssss can!
Ross: Look Phoebe, I'm sorry it's just...
Phoebe: (singing) Rossss can!
Ross: Phoebe, I...
Phoebe: (singing) Rosss can! Give me the tickets! Ross can give me the tickets!!
(Ross runs out to get the tickets.)
[Scene: Rachel's Office, Joey has brought Dina to meet with Rachel.]
Joey: (entering, with Dina) Here she is! Future fashion superstar!
Rachel: Oh Joey, I'm hardly a...
Joey: My little sister Dina!
Rachel: Right! Hi Dina!
Dina: Hi.
Rachel: Nice to meet you. (They shake hands.)
Dina: Thanks so much for meetin' with me. Joey's told me so much about you!
Joey: This is so exciting for her. Well, I'll let you two fash...ists get down to business. (Exits.)
Rachel: Okay. All right Dina, well let's talk about the different areas of fashion that you could get involved in. Let's see, there's design, but you may need a whole other degree for that. Uh, there's-there's sales, which is great because you get to travel...
Dina: I...I don't care about fashion! I'm pregnant! And I know you are too, so you gotta help me!
Rachel: (stunned) And there's marketing...
[Scene: The Hallway, Monica is returning, but before she enters the apartment she stops on the step and changes from wearing tennis shoes to the boots and she moans in pain as she puts each boot on.]
Monica: (standing up) Ahhhhhhhh!
Chandler: (opening the door) What's wrong?
Monica: Oh nothing I'm just-just was yawning. (Mimics the groan from before and stretches.)
Chandler: Oh don't forget, my office holiday party is tonight. (They go into the apartment.)
Monica: Honey, we don't really have to go to this thing tonight do we?
Chandler: Now sweetie, I know you don't like my office parties, but you can wear your new boots. See? Every cloud has a...supple leather lining.
Monica: I-I don't-I don't think that I'm gonna wear the boots tonight.
Chandler: Why not?
Monica: Well y'know, I'm just-I'm just worried that bosses will see them and think they pay you too much money. Or! Or your assistant will see them and-and want a raise!
Chandler: Do you think I work at some kind of boot pricing company?
Monica: Anyway, I picked up this outfit that I want to wear and the, and the boots don't really go with it.
Chandler: You said that you paid all that money because those boots go with skirts, dresses, and pants!
Monica: Fine! If you want me to wear the boots, I'll wear the boots. In fact, I'll go into my room right now and y'know try the outfit on.
Chandler: Okay.
Monica: Okay? (She starts to walk which causes her to start crying) Ooo wee! Christmas party in my boots! (Runs into the bedroom and mixes saying 'ow' with laughing.)
[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel is about to enter her apartment with Dina to tell Joey the news.]
Dina: I-I can't go in there. I can't tell him!
Rachel: Honey, it's going to be okay. He's been incredibly supportive of me, and if he gets a little upset; that's what the meatball sub is for. (She gives Dina a sandwich wrapped in aluminum foil.)
Dina: Thank you.
Rachel: Okay.
(They enter.)
Joey: Hey! It's my fashion girls! (They don't react.) What's wrong?
Rachel: Honey, why don't you sit down? Dina has something that she wants to tell you.
Joey: (concerned) Oh. What's, what's going on? Is it mom? Is she sick? Is it dad's heart? Is that a sandwich?
Dina: Joe, mom and dad are fine...
Joey: Is that a sandwich?!
Rachel: Joey...there's something that you...should know. Dina?
Dina: I'm pregnant.
Joey: (angrily) What?!
Rachel: (To Dina) Now! Give him the sandwich! Give him the sandwich! (She quickly sets the sandwich in front of him.)
Joey: Well obviously this is a mistake! You can't be pregnant! Because you have to have s*x to get pregnant!
Dina: Joe, I tried to wait until I was 25 like you did!
Rachel: What?! Dina...
Joey: (to Rachel) Bub!!! (Points at her and quiets Rachel.) (To Dina) I can't believe this! You're the good one! You went to college! Both years! Who did this to you?!
Dina: Bobby Corso, but he's a real nice guy. I like him a lot. He's real funny.
Joey: You got pregnant for funny?! Dina...if he's funny...laugh! All right, I'll be back in a little while! You stay here!
Dina: Why? Where are you going?
Joey: I can't look at you right now! (Exits and slams the door behind him.)
Dina: Wow.
Rachel: I know.
(Joey storms back in and covering his face so he doesn't see Dina grabs the sandwich and heads back out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Midfield Day School, it's after school and Ben is taking a drink of water as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Oh, there you are Ben!
Ben: Aunt Phoebe, what are you doing here?
Phoebe: Well, I heard you're having a problem with one of the boys in your class. And so I thought I would just come down here and sit you both down, have a little talk and make it all okay. Now umm, the boy's name is Sting's son.
Ben: Jack? I hate him! He's a jerk.
Phoebe: Now Ben, sometimes people may seem like jerks on the outside, but they have famous fathers.
Ben: I have to go. My friend Doug is waiting for me over there. (Goes over to Doug.)
Phoebe: Him you're friends with. (Starts looking at the children trying to find Jack and a teacher notices her.)
The Teacher: Excuse me. Can, can I help you with something?
Phoebe: Yes! Yes you can, I'm looking for Jack's parents.
The Teacher: Are you with one of the students?
Phoebe: Uh-huh, I'm with Ben.
The Teacher: Are you one of Ben's mothers?
Phoebe: I am one of Ben's mothers. I'm a lesbian. It was, it was difficult coming out to my parents.
The Teacher: Well hi, I'm Jenny Boone. I'm the new teacher here.
Phoebe: Oh.
The Teacher: I've only met your partner Carol.
Phoebe: Ah! Okay so that would make me Susan.
The Teacher: Right. Are you looking for Jack's parents to discuss the problems he's having with Ben? (Phoebe nods 'Yes.') Yeah. Because I really do think the parents should sit down and have a conversation.
Phoebe: Yeah! Let's do that!! That-that sounds good. We should sit down and talk, just me, my lover Carol, and the Stings. Umm, how-how will I get in touch with them?
The Teacher: Oh, their number is on the contact sheet.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Umm, could-could I get a copy of that? 'Cause Carol threw it out, she lost ours. She's such a scatterbrain, but man what a hot piece of ass.
[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Monica are walking down the sidewalk after his office holiday party.]
Chandler: Y'know, that party wasn't bad.
Monica: Yeah! I didn't know there would be dancing. That was a fun surprise!
Chandler: I don't see any uh, cabs. Maybe we should just walk?
Monica: Oh no, we can't walk!
Chandler: What honey, it's like fifteen blocks to the subway. Let's go.
Monica: Hey! Do you think that we can get to the subway right there if we climb down through the manhole cover?
Chandler: What's going on?
Monica: I can't walk. Okay? Okay? These boots were a huge mistake!
Chandler: What?
Monica: Okay you were right! All right, I never should have bought them! They're killing me! One toe at a time!
Chandler: So I was right. This is what it feels like to be right. (Pause) It's oddly unsettling.
Monica: How are we gonna get home? Maybe a piggy-back ride?
Chandler: Hop on.
Monica: Okay. Wait, just give me a second, I need to just get my boots off first. (She starts taking them off.) Ah...Ooh...Oohh...Ohh...Oh God...Ohh...Oh...Ohh...Ohhhh...
Chandler: Honey, I know you're in pain right now, but I'm a little turned on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Dina and Rachel are reading pregnancy books, Dina Pregnancy for Dummies and Rachel something else.]
Dina: Do you ever worry that you'll be walking and your baby will just like slip out?
Rachel: What college was that Dina?
(Joey enters dragging a guy.)
Dina: Oh my God! Bobby!
Bobby: Hi Dina. Good to see you.
Rachel: Joey, what are you doing?
Joey: Just what needs to be done! Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join this man and this woman...
Rachel: Oh Joey this is crazy!
Joey: Don't interrupt me when I'm talkin' to God! Now where were we? Oh right, okay. Do you Dina, take this man...
Dina: No!
Joey: Oh you'll take 'em!
Dina: No I won't!
Joey: Hey! You don't get a say in this!
Dina: Yes I do!
Joey: Ahhh! I heard "I do", we're halfway there! Okay! (To Bobby) You!
Rachel: All right Joey! That is enough! (Grabs him and pulls him away from Bobby and Dina) Listen, as beautiful and moving as this ceremony is, it's not legal. Okay? They-they don't have a marriage license, they don't have any witnesses, and the groom only has on one shoe!
Bobby: Yeah, he took the other one off and hit me with it.
Joey: Well what am I supposed to do?
Rachel: You're supposed to realize that they are adults! And that they can make their own decisions.
Joey: No they can't! They were stupid enough to get knocked up!
Rachel: Heyyyyy! Contraceptives are not always effective! (To Bobby and Dina) Right?
Bobby: Yeah...we kinda didn't use any...
Rachel: Oh, come on kids! A little help here!
[Scene: Sting's Apartment, Phoebe has come to talk about Jack and is waiting for Sting's wife, Trudie Styler, to enter.]
Phoebe: Wow! This place is incredible! (Gasps) Sting's pen...that he gave to Phoebe. (Puts the pen in her purse and goes over to a floor-to-ceiling bookcase) Come on! Secret passageway! (Starts pulling books at random as Trudie enters.)
Trudie Styler: Hi! (By the way, it's actually her.)
Phoebe: Hi!
Trudie Styler: I'm Trudie.
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Trudie Styler: You must be Ben's mum.
Phoebe: Why else would I be here?
Trudie Styler: Do sit down.
Phoebe: Uh-huh. (They go and sit down.)
Trudie Styler: I gather Jack and Ben haven't been getting along lately.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Trudie Styler: I'm told there are two sides to this story, but all I've heard is that Ben's a bit of a poo-poo head.
Phoebe: Umm, I'm sorry. Won't-won't Jack's father be joining us?
Trudie Styler: Oh I'm sorry, Jack's father is not available.
Phoebe: Uh-hmm. Okay. Well then, could we reschedule? For say, Friday night perhaps at 8 o'clock?
Trudie Styler: Oh no, I know that wouldn't work. My husband's in concert.
Phoebe: Concert. Yeah. That does put us in...quite a pickle. Because you see I'm very busy before and after the concert, and he's obviously busy during.
Trudie Styler: So, I guess you and I should talk about Jack and Ben right now.
Phoebe: Unless! Unless umm, okay I-I would be willing to go to the concert, umm, all the while thinking about the children of course.
Trudie Styler: Are you here for tickets?
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. Four would be great.
Trudie Styler: I'm not giving concert tickets to someone who'd use their son like this!
Phoebe: Oh good! Then you're in luck! Ben's not my son!
Trudie Styler: (stands up) Look, I've just pressed a button, triggering a silent alarm. Any minute now, the police will be here!
Phoebe: The Police? Here? A reunion?! (She gets out her camera.)
[Scene: The Street, Chandler is carrying Monica past a store window.]
Chandler: Okay, ten blocks down. Five to go.
Monica: (notices something in the window) Oh wait! Stop! Stop! Stop!
Chandler: Oh I'm sorry! Do you need a break?
Monica: My boots in tan! Hey! Can you get a little closer so I can see the price?
Chandler: I can see it from right here. It'll cost you one husband.
Monica: Okay, I'm sorry. I think I can walk the rest of the way now. Just-just give me my boots.
Chandler: (pause) I don't have your boots.
Monica: Well I don't have them either. Where are they?
Chandler: Well, why don't you check in one of my saddlebags while I chew on a bale of hay!
Monica: Okay. (She gets off him.) God well, we gotta go back and get them!
Chandler: Honey, are you seriously ever gonna wear the boots again?
Monica: Okay, I'm never gonna wear them again. I just didn't get a chance to say goodbye.
Chandler: Y'know what? You can say goodbye to the tan ones.
Monica: Okay. (Climbs back on his back.) All right.
Chandler: Okay. (Moves closer to the window.)
Monica: (to the boots) Bye boots-Wait! Half off?! (Chandler runs off.)
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Rachel are still discussing Bobby and Dina's situation.]
Rachel: Joey, just because they're not getting married doesn't mean this is going to be a disaster. Maybe they have a plan!
Joey: Oh? Oh! Okay! Okay! Let's hear their plan! Now, what's the future look like for Dina and Bobby?
Bobby: Well...I really have high hopes for my band.
Joey: (to Dina) You were right. He is funny.
Rachel: Hey, now wait a minute! I get when you told people at first that you wanted to be an actor they laughed at you! Now come on Bobby, why don't you tell us a little bit about your band?
Bobby: Well it's just me and my pal Rooster, the band's name is Numb Nuts.
Rachel: (To Dina) Really? (Nods her head at Bobby.)
Joey: Dina, if you're having a baby you should be married! Even if it is to Bobby! (Bobby gets happy.) Dude, that's not a compliment!
Dina: No Joey! I knew you wouldn't be supportive!
Joey: So whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you gonna do? You're gonna have the baby and-and raise it by yourself...without a husband?! You can't be a single mother alone! You're gonna ruin your life!
Rachel: Oh excuse me! Am I ruining my life?
Joey: No! No! No! It's different for you. You're so strong and together. You're not some dumb kid who doesn't know what she's doing.
Dina: Excuse me?
Joey: One pregnant woman at a time, please! I just want you to be okay.
Rachel: So forcing her to marry Bobby is gonna make that happen?
Joey: Maybe! (To Bobby) Well! Well...so-so uh, what kind of music does Numb Nuts-Oh forget it! I can't!
Dina: Joey, I am scared to death about this. But I really think I can do it, I'm just gonna need some help. And Bobby's gonna be here the whole time.
Bobby: You bet I am! (To Joey) And to answer your earlier question, we're straight-up gangster rap. (Joey shakes his head as if he's about to lose it.)
Dina: Look, Rachel's told me how much easier you've made all this on her. Why can't you do that for me?
Joey: Because! 'Cause... 'Cause you're my baby sister!
Dina: And you're my big brother! I mean, you're my favorite guy in the whole world. I'm not even scared to tell mom and dad. I was scared of telling you.
Joey: Well I'd be scared of them, but all right.
Dina: Joey, I can't stand the thought of having this baby with you mad at me. I want him to have his uncle. Is my baby gonna have his Uncle Joey?
Joey: Of course he's gonna have his Uncle Joey!
Dina: We're gonna be all right. I mean, even if we're not married this baby is gonna be so loved. Not just by us.
Joey: That's right! By his uncle too!
Bobby: And by you.
Rachel: Okay Bobby, why don't we just come over here and let them have a little moment. (Drags Bobby away from Joey and Dina.)
Joey: Come here! (Hugs Dina and Bobby looks to hug Rachel.)
Rachel: No! Seriously! What's wrong with you?!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Ross are there.]
Ross: You're gonna love me so much. I got Sting tickets!! (Holds up two.)
Phoebe: Oh my God! I do love you! How did you do it?!
Ross: Well...let's just say... (singing) Rosss caaaaan!
Phoebe: Oo, where are the seats?
Ross: Uh, middle balcony.
Phoebe: Okay, now would you say that that's more than 50 yards away from Sting, his wife, or a member of his family?
Ross: Yeah.
Phoebe: Then that's not breaking the law! I'm there! | Plan: A: Monica; Q: Who buys expensive boots? A: expensive boots; Q: What does Monica buy that Chandler disapproves of? A: her feet; Q: What part of her body does Monica not want to tell Chandler hurts? A: Marla Sokoloff; Q: Who plays Dina? A: Rachel; Q: Who does Joey's youngest sister, Dina, seek advice from after becoming pregnant? A: Phoebe; Q: Who pretends to be Ben's mother to get tickets to Sting's concert? A: Sting; Q: Whose son is in Ben's class? A: Trudie Styler; Q: Who is Sting's real wife? Summary: Chandler disapproves when Monica buys expensive boots but she promises to wear them all the time. She is then afraid to tell him how much they hurt her feet. Joey's youngest sister, Dina (Marla Sokoloff) seeks Rachel's advice after becoming pregnant. When Phoebe learns that Sting's son is in Ben's class, she pretends to be Ben's mother to meet Sting's wife (real wife, Trudie Styler) and get tickets to Sting's concert. |
Toby: This here is a radon test kit. [holding out tiny cylinder disc] Okay I will be putting 'em everywhere. And... please don't throw these out. [starts snapping towards Michael's face] This is a radon test kit. [continues snapping] Please don't throw these out. [Michael gives annoyed look] See them all over the office.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere, like he owns the place. The first time I threw mine away, I thought it was an ant trap. [finds radon kit in between his blinds in his office] But I figured I'd rather live with ants than with his creepy little disc. [throws it away] The second time... I thought it was one of those, you know, those things you turn over and it moos. [finds another radon kit on top of his cabinet] Like a cow thing. But upon closer examination, it was another ant trap, so I threw it away. And the third time... I did it out of spite. [takes radon kit from the top of the blinds of his office window and slams it into the trash can]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Pfffffttt.
Toby: Come on, Michael. You're interrupting.
Michael: You're kidding me? God! You say radon is silent, but deadly, and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this?
Toby: Please sit down.
Michael: You know what? We're not gonna die of radon, we're gonna die of boredom.
Everyone: YEAH! [laughter]
Michael: Right? And if I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
Everyone: No. No!
Jim: That's... not okay.
Michael: Okay, alright.
Dwight: You were being really funny, and then you went too far.
Michael: I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
Dwight: No, hmmm... that's still...
Everyone: Mm-mm.
Michael: Okay geniuses, how would you do it?
Creed: Curve the bullet. Like in my favorite James McAvoy film, Wanted.
Oscar: All that does is help you shoot around things. What does Bin Laden...
Ryan: Is there a curtain rod in the room?
Michael: I don't know.
Stanley: How about make-believe land has anything you want?
Jim: Stanley, please, this is serious!
Angela: Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence?
Michael: Yes, we stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.
Dwight: Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it[/b]: You line them all up, you take one bullet, shoot them all through the throat at the same time. Watch this. [stands up and points to Phyllis] Phyllis, you're Hitler. Come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up, throats together.
Toby: I don't wanna do this.
Michael: [shouting] Toby, just do it! God!
Dwight: Toby, come on. [Andy lines up to the right of Toby and Phyllis is on his left]
Dwight: Ready, one bullet. And boom! [makes shooting noises and mimics a bullet with his fingers tapping Phyllis' throat, then Toby's, and finally Andy's]
Everyone: Yeah, that works. That works!
Michael: Good work. [clapping]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: What flavors did you get? [yawns]
Erin: It's so exciting Pam. The Eagles are doing a theme of ice creams in honor of turning 60.
Pam: [reading flavors] Despera-dough. Witchy-womanilla. Why do they do this?
Erin: Do you want me to go back to the store?
Pam: No, no, no, it's fine. I was just commenting. We gotta get these out, open 'em up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: This is all for Michael. It turns out his girlfriend was married.
Pam: Yeah, and when Michael gets a broken heart, this whole place comes to a halt, so we're just trying to get out in front of this.
Erin: After his last breakup, he ate 40,000 calories in three hours. Right, Pam? That's what Pam told me.
Pam: [yawns] Yeah, or no... well... I don't know. I'm sorry. I was up all night with Cece, otherwise I'd be running this.
Erin: That's okay. You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: We have Mr. Bean playing in the conference room and the Pink Panther movie in his office. With half hour shifts to watch it with him.
Pam: And we need bodies in both these rooms, people. So please sign up.
Erin: He's coming.
Pam: Oh, okay. Everyone, remember, when he get's like this, he will wallow, if you empathize. Keep conversations light and if you get stuck, and you don't know what to do, make a random sound effect okay? Farting noise, whatever. Okay.
Toby: [walks in] Hey everyone.
Pam: No, out! Get out now! Leave now.
Dwight: Leave, get outta here.
Pam: Leave!
Dwight: Right now!
Pam: Oh, and if he makes a joke, just laugh it up, no matter what. Okay?
Michael: [walks in] Morning everyone.
Everyone: Hey! [applauses] Hey, hey!
Erin: Hi Michael. [gives him a hug]
Michael: Hello!
Dwight: Michael, nice tie or something.
Michael: Oh, thank you. It's reversible, I think. [everyone laughs]
Kevin: That's hilarious.
Pam: That's awesome. You want some ice cream?
Michael: Oh! Oh wow, are those Eagles' flavors? Cake it to the Limit. That's my favorite! I love that! Too much for me to have by myself. Anybody wanna share?
Kevin: Boi-oi-oi-ing
Michael: Okay. Well... that's random. I will dig into those later.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lawyer: I don't follow this exactly. Uh, "The Descendants of any replicants from this union shall have..."
Dwight and Angela: Joint custody
Lawyer: Are we talking about your grandchildren?
Angela: No.
Dwight: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Angela: Rather than spend all day in court, we've decided to settle our dispute using a mediator. It was an option spelled out in our childrearing contract.
Dwight: Alleged contract.
Angela: Alleged? I'm going to own your farm by the time this is over.
Dwight: Just try. I will do legal jujitsu on you. Gyah! [pretends to karate chop her neck] See, don't even need to make contact. The law will do it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: So much of this is just impossible to verify. Item five, point "B", uh... the beet juice cleanse?
Angela: I'm doing it. You know I am. It's disgusting.
Dwight: How do we know this? I'd like to see a stool sample.
Angela: Dwight, look at my teeth. [shows teeth, beet red]
Dwight: Eughh. [looks disgusted]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: No secret crying. Hasn't even opened the tissue box in there.
Pam: Could he still be seeing her?
Phyllis: I don't think he'd do that.
Jim: So we're gonna say the most likely scenerio is that Michael matured overnight?
Andy: Well, it happened to Tom Hanks in Big.
Jim: Exactly. It happened in Big.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: No, I gotta go. Text me later.
Jim: I'm really too tired to do this.
Pam: Me too!
Jim: Then let's just not do this. Do you have any idea the risks involved?
Pam: Hey Michael.
Michael: Hey.
Pam: We were wondering if you would like to have dinner with us tonight, in our home, and play with our baby.
Jim: We can order in from Hooters.
Michael: Oh, Hooters to go. Nice.
Pam: We can watch a movie and play Rock Band.
Jim: Billy Joel Rock Band.
Michael: That... exists?
Pam: Yes.
Michael: Okay, well, I'll have to take a rain check, but thanks for the offer.
Pam: [shouts] Michael Scott, are you still seeing Donna?
Michael: Okay, Pam... she's not invisible so stop asking silly questions.
Phyllis: Oh Michael.
Michael: Since when is this an office where we delve into each other's personal lives?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I like Donna. Is it wrong to keep seeing her? Depends on who you ask. I mean, if you ask her husband... or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Meredith: That is something I would never do.
Michael: Well, I think we all know what you're capable of Meredith.
Meredith: Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, or been used to cheat with.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Meredith: I ask... everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?".
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: People, this is Scranton. And many people consider that to be the Paris of northeastern Pennsylvania. And in Paris, it is rude for a woman to have less than four lovers.
Kelly: Eughh, Ryan, I do not want you hanging around Michael anymore.
Ryan: Okay.
Michael: I will have you know that I asked Donna about this and she is fine with it. And just to be sure, I asked her again afterward. Same answer.
Andy: How does he feel about it?
Michael: He is never gonna find out. He is a high school baseball coach. He wakes up early. He goes to bed early. Look at how long it took for him to find out. [points to Andy] It was right under his nose. I had to tell him.
Jim: Now you're just being hurtful.
Michael: I'm sorry, it... why is it okay for Stanley to cheat or for Phyllis to cheat...
Phyllis: Hey!
Michael: On her diet! He's a sports guy. He's scummy. Dogfighting. Drugs. They spit.
Andy: Did Donna tell you that?
Michael: Real sports with Bryant Gumble.
Andy: So you're just making a giant assumption. You don't even know the guy.
Michael: You know what? You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. just sit there and think about Michael jackson.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: My name is Andy Bernard and I am a cuckold. For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare, a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. I've lived the part. And let me tell you, I'd so much rather play the part on stage.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: So... here's the thing about infidelity.
Michael: Mm, no, when are you people going to stop casting the first stone? I am not in the wrong here. I am the good guy.
Andy: How does that work?
Michael: Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.
Andy: In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.
Michael: I am Beyonce always.
Andy: Not this time.
Michael: Yes, I am.
Andy: This guy's a high school baseball coach, right? Let's go check him out, see what a horrible person he is.
Michael: I would love that.
Andy: Yeah. Those teams have games and practices every day. Let's go check it out.
Michael: I have work to do.
Andy: Oh, really? I thought you were the boss.
Michael: Let's go. [starts walking towards the elevator] I can't wait to see this jerk who is making me cheat on his wife. I should punch him in the nose for what he's making me do to her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: [humming Call to Post] Bum bum BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM bum bum
Michael: All right, Andy, please.
Andy: Baseball!
Michael: Shh! Try not to draw attention, please. That's him. That's him.
Andy: Where?
Michael: Right there. The coach!
Andy: Stage right or stage left? I played batboy in damn yankees!
Michael: Right there. Look, look. Follow my finger. Okay? see? The grownup by the base?
Andy: [announcer's voice] And Now, coaching third base with two arms, two legs, and no heart. Capable of feeling pain.
Michael: All right. Can you just-- can you just act normal for a second, please?
Andy: Whatever. I'm the one blending in.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gabe: [ahem][Pam snores] Guys?
Jim: Pam.
Pam: Mm. Hey. Oh, hi, Gabe.
Gabe: Can you two please join me in my office? Now.
Pam: You were supposed to be the Lookout.
Jim: Yeah, well it's really warm in here. It's like a sleeping bag.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gabe: I don't wanna be the heavy here, but honestly, guys, this makes us all look bad.
Jim: Sorry about that.
Pam: So embarrassing.
Gabe: Good. Okay. End of the dressing down. I just hate that part of the job, you know, the power dynamics.
Jim: Well, you were surprisingly restrained.
Pam: We will be well-rested tomorrow.
Gabe: Okay. That's great, actually, because I wanted to talk to you about something else.
Jim: Excellent. Go for it.
Gabe: I'm sure you got my email about the printer fires. The one with the branching decision tree? I actually designed that chart. Kinda hoping it catches on. [Jim and Pam struggling to stay awake] Anyway, the question is, what is the best way to disseminate important information in an efficient way?
Jim: Right? So, uh, let's uh...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lawyer: Finally there's a provision here in the occurrence that the child is born an old man, a la Benjamin Button.
Angela: Same page. Go to the next one.
Dwight: Same page. Just keep moving.
Lawyer: Despite the provision covering whether this is all part of the matrix--
Dwight: Which we can't know.
Lawyer: This is essentially...
Dwight: Unless we're unplugged.
Lawyer: Equivalent to a donor or surrogate contractor.
Dwight: And wake up in the future.
Lawyer: Which is actually pretty common. So I have to tell you that this is a solid contract.
Dwight: What?
Lawyer: Look, I can't enforce that anybody have a child with anyone else.
Angela: What?
Lawyer: So essentially, this comes down to damages. Now, there is some precedence for the range of $30,000.
Dwight: What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: I don't have $30,000 lying around. I have it buried very deeply, and I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Chase Dixon is up. Could be a big play.
Michael: You have no idea what you're talking about.
Andy: I know it's like cricket.
Michael: You don't. No, no.
Andy: And it's--there's-- well, home plate is like a wicket.
Michael: You don't know. You don't-- you don't know anything. Look at him. Look at him over there. High-fiving? He didn't even do anything. Kid did all the work. I bet he does that at home. I bet it's like, "Hey, Donna, why don't you wash the dishes?" "High-five, Donna." "Hey, why don't you bring me my slippers?" "Hi-five. I'm taking all the credit."
Andy: Seems pretty well liked by the team.
Michael: Okay, well, that's because he's paying their salary.
Andy: You do know that high school coaches don't pay their players.
Michael: I know, I know, I know. It--I'm--it-- that was a euphemism.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: $30,000? There's gotta be another way.
Angela: He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune.
Dwight: Look, I will not pay.
Angela: Well, I have an alternative.[hands Dwight a document]
Dwight: "Intercourse to completion. Five individual times rendered at my discretion?"
Lawyer: Look, I don't think that's actually legal.
Dwight: Agreed. [shakes hands with Angela]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Five times for $30,000? Not a bad stud fee. Better than most horses.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: But not in your bed. It's lumpy.
Angela: Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, and those names are Ember, Milky Way, Diane, and Lumpy.
Dwight: Fine. Five times. [signs contract]
Lawyer: Look, I can't legally watch this unfold. It's coming a little dangerously close to prostitution.
Angela: I want eye contact.
Dwight: No.
Angela: Yes.
Dwight: Do you understand how rare is that in nature?
Angela: I'm not some farm animal. [Dwight smirks at the camera]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Great game, coach.
Michael: Shh! Okay, all right. Don't, don't.
Andy: You guys are awesome! Best game I've ever seen in my life.
Shane: Yeah, right. You must be rootin' for the other guys.
Andy: Ha. The other guys can go die.
Michael: [whispers] Okay.
Andy: Baseball! Go talk to him.
Michael: No. God. You go talk to him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Shane: Let's go.
Andy: Shane. Great game man!
Shane: Do I know you?
Andy: No. Uh, just big fans. Both of us.
Shane: Are you somebody's... parents? Oh, are you guys... Kenny's dads?
Andy: Ha. No. No. But we're gay for baseball. [chuckles]
Shane: Okay.
Andy: But I have a wife, actually, who I really love a lot.
Shane: Okay. Let's go!
Andy: Yeah. I am so into the institution of marriage.
Shane: Whoa!
Andy: I mean, isn't marriage the best, you know? Two good people finding each other, getting all committed to each other. So you love baseball. What else do you love? Let's round you out as a person.
Shane: Hey, I'm really sorry, I'm just trying to... focus here on the game.
Andy: I get it, man. I love it. That's what makes you a good coach. You know, but as a fan, it just helps me enjoy the game better if I know the coach loves his wife.
Shane: Of course. Okay? I gotta... get back to this.
Andy: Of course.
Shane: All right.
Andy: But real quick, I want you to meet my associate. Sheldon!
Michael: No, no, no.
Andy: Come on, get over here.
Michael: I'm good. Oh, my God.
Andy: Get- Get over here. Sheldon, say hi to the nice coach.
Michael: Sorry. I got some stomach cramps.
Shane: It's all right. It's all right. Keep it going.
Michael: Well, that was not at all what I expected. Hoo hoo! Whoo. My heart's still racing. I just looked a man in the eyes and I shook his hand. All the time I was thinking, "I'm sleeping with your wife." And you know who does that? James freakin' Bond.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Okay, orange slices. There ya go.
Erin: Thanks, Michael.
Michael: Don't thank me. Thank Dylan's mom. Here you go! Oh! Ooh Hoo Hoo Hoo hoo!
Oscar: Why would you throw something wet at me?
Michael: You love it. There ya go.
Jim: Now, were those for the team?
Michael: Uh, no, they didn't say team. They just said coal Hawks.
Jim: Ah.
Pam: I don't think those were yours to take.
Michael: Well, then it wouldn't be the first time I stole something away from Coach Shane.
Andy: I just wanna go on record as saying that I do not condone this affair, and I went so far as to force Michael to confront the victim of his behavior.
Pam: Did you talk to him?
Michael: I did.
Pam: You talked to the man whose wife you're having an affair with.
Kevin: Wow. That is crazy.
Phyllis: Was there a fistfight?
Michael: No. We just talked. He's very nice.
Phyllis: And it didn't change your mind.
Michael: It did not.
Phyllis: Michael, that's awful.
Michael: Isn't it?
Phyllis: Yes.
Michael: I'm awful, aren't I?
Kevin: Yeah. That's pretty bad.
Michael: I'm an awful guy! Ooh!
Oscar: How can you live with yourself?
Michael: I am what I am, Oscar. And I want what I want. And right now, I want a piece of cake. From now on, when I'm hungry, I am going to eat whatever I am hungry for.
Kevin: That is a dangerous game, friendo.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kelly: Well, because I thought that it was a book about Anthropology the store.
Ryan: I don't know why you were in that part of the bookstore.
Kelly: 'Cause it's next to they baby section, okay?
Ryan: All right, that makes more sense. You should have said that at the beginning when you said, "I read a book about anthropology."
Kelly: I don't really know why you're screaming at me right now.
Ryan: I'm not scream-- I'm not screaming.
Kelly: That's Meredith's cake. It's her birthday.
Michael: I don't care. I have an appetite for life! [eats cake] Mmm. Mmm! Oh, god. That's Lemon.
Ryan: Good for you, man. Good for you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: He takes what he wants.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: You know what? I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you.
Erin: What about Kelly?
Ryan: You read my mind.
Erin: [quietly] Is this a joke?
Ryan: Yep.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: It's hard to live that way man. You gotta really not care what people think about you. I-I don't know how you do it, Michael, I-I-I can't be that cold.
Michael: You'll learn, baby. You'll learn.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: [pressing buttons to start microwave and moves towards his crotch] I am an honorable man, and I will honor the contract. But I don't have to give her the good stuff. Schrute sperm are strong, [banging on his crotch with drum sticks] but they're no match for a grown Schrute man. [drops yellow pages against his crotch] [screaming] [chuckling] Let's see what she gets. [bouncing crotch on bike and crashes into glass door] [thud] Aah!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Creed: [Michael leaving copy machine] Uh, boss, we're out of paper.
Michael: Yeah, I noticed that.
Creed: Are you gonna add any more?
Michael: Nope.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Creed: He don't give an "F" about nothin'!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I have got big balls.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: I don't think I'm gonna make it.
Jim: [yawning] What about an energy drink or something?
Pam: [shakes head] It gets in the breast milk. If I drink it, Cece drinks it six hours later.
Jim: Well, it doesn't mean I can't drink it.
Pam: Well, it does and it doesn't.
Darryl: Probably shouldn't tell you this, but a lotta guys in the warehouse work multiple jobs, so... we have a place.
Jim: A place?
Darryl: A restful location. Talk to Glen. He'll take you up in the lift.
Pam: You sleep in the warehouse?
Darryl: Lightbulb's burnt out, so it's dark. And the heat from the backup generator keeps it nice and warm. Sometimes I think about it when I'm trying to fall asleep at home. But as far as the rest of the office goes, it doesn't exist, okay?
Jim: Okay.
Darryl: Pam.
Pam: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Phyllis: For your signature. [drops document on Michael's desk]
Michael: Okay. [Phyllis avoids looking at Michael] Phyllis. Okay. Look at me. [continues to look away] Phyllis, look at-- [Phyllis turns to leave] okay, that's... [chases after her] All right, all right. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of the little disapproving head shakes. If you think that's going to have any effect on me, it will not. I am going to leave right now and go to a motel to meet Donna.
Kevin: Why not your condo?
Michael: Because a motel is dirty and it is sexy. Like me. And like Donna. And frankly, the stuff that we're into isn't very condo-appropriate.
Stanley: Oh, Michael, will you drop it? Everybody's spoken their mind, and no one's changing their mind.
Michael: Okay, Morgan Freeman-narrating-everything.
Andy: Do you want someone to stop you? 'Cause no one's going to.
Michael: Nobody better try to stop me. Good. [leaves the office. door closes]
Dwight: I could have stopped him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Are you warmed up? [outside sliding door in warehouse]
Angela: No.
Dwight: God, Angela, why is that always my responsibility? [zipper sound]
Angela: What did you do to yourself? [camera pans to Jim and Pam laying down in restful location]
Dwight: Never mind. Just never mind.
Angela: Well, it better work.
Dwight: Oh, it'll work. [Jim and Pam look shocked and disturbed] Mm. Stop kissing me. It's not in the contract.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [driving in car; returns to office; grabs ice cream out of freezer] How do I feel about breaking up with Donna? Good. Moral. I feel proud. [beeping; cut to Donna who is waiting in the parking lot of the motel] Like a grownup.[Donna receives text from phone] That was not easy because I really liked her a lot. And I'm a little bit emotional right now because I know that I absolutely made the right decision. [Donna has disappointed look; cut back to Michael in his office opening ice cream] At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. And it was either living with myself or... being happy. And I picked... the... former.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Reporter: Michael Scott?
Michael: Yes?
Reporter: Do you wanna make a comment on the rumors?
Michael: [sighs] Umm... I have done some very bad things, things of which I am not proud. I would like to publicly apologize to... the coach and the players. And I vow to never listen to my bodily instincts ever again.
Reporter: I'm talking about the Sabre printers that catch on fire.
Michael: Oh. Okay. I was talking about... what do-- what? What's going on? | Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who is surprisingly cheerful after learning some bad news about Donna? A: Pam; Q: Who is the new mother of Donna? A: trouble; Q: What do Pam and Jim have staying awake in the office? A: Angela; Q: Who takes matters into her own hands when Dwight refuses to honor their pre-natal contract? Summary: Michael is surprisingly cheerful after learning some bad news about Donna. The new parents, Pam and Jim, have trouble staying awake in the office. Meanwhile, Angela takes matters into her own hands when Dwight refuses to honor their pre-natal contract. |
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Veronica walks towards Nancy who is leading the Take Back the Night rally in 301 "Welcome Wagon."
NANCY: How many women like me have to be raped, have to end up like this, their heads shaved...
Cut to Parker at the end of the episode. She is standing anguished and bald in front of a mirror as Veronica and Mac look on in shock.
NANCY: Before this administration listens to our demands? The speech from 301 "Welcome Wagon" continues, but the scene cuts to the demonstration outside the Pi Sigs fraternity house in 304 "Charlie Don't Surf."
NANCY: Shut down the fraternity houses! Veronica faces Parker in her and Mac's dorm room.
VERONICA: I will find out who raped you, Parker. That's job one. Fern checks her phone during the radio debate in 303 "Wichita Linebacker."
FERN: They raped Claire. [with air quotes] The blonde in the middle? Dick visits the Mars family home in 304 "Charlie Don't Surf."
DICK: That girl Claire gets raped after one of our parties and suddenly school's all in a bunch. We need you to do your Veronica thing and prove it's a pack o' lies. Veronica shows the Pi Sigs the ATM picture she recovered, showing an apparently drugged Claire, her hair not yet shorn, in the company of an Asian youth.
VERONICA: This photo was taken the night she was raped.
DICK: Who's that dude? It's not one of us.
VERONICA: Precisely. You Pi Sigs have exactly one Asian member, and that's not him.
End previously.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Veronica waits on a bench under a poster for Moliére's Tartuffe. Students emerge from one of the college rooms next to the bench. One of those students is Claire, immediately recognisable by her shaved head. On spotting her, Veronica leaps up and walks along with her.
VERONICA: Claire, hi. Can I talk to you for a minute?
CLAIRE: You're that girl, the girl who made a scene in the quad. You cleared the Pi Sigs.
VERONICA: Yeah, that's me.
CLAIRE: So, what's this to you, anyway?
VERONICA: Crimes against women? It's a hobby. Plus, a friend of mine was one of the other victims.
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Their walk has taken them out of the building. They pause between a table set up to host a "Pumpkin Sale" and a scary scarecrow erected in a flowerbed. Veronica brings up an envelope she has been carrying.
VERONICA: Listen, I have the ATM photo from that night.
CLAIRE: Of the guy who did this to me?
VERONICA: Too soon?
CLAIRE: Probably. What the hell, right? I mean, if it saves someone else.
Veronica slides the ATM picture out of the envelope. Claire takes it and examines is for a moment.
CLAIRE: I have no idea who this is. I'm sorry.
VERONICA: You don't have to apologise.
CLAIRE: This guy, I guess he made me pull my daily max off my ATM card. I got raped and I paid for the privilege.
VERONICA: There's a logo or something on the guy's t-shirt. Can you read that?
Claire looks and shakes her head and returns the picture.
CLAIRE: I'm just completely useless today.
VERONICA: [whispering] It's okay.
Claire walks away as Veronica peers at the photo.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LECTURE ROOM - DAY.
Veronica is in her Criminology class. Timothy Foyle stands in front of posters attached to the board, all giving various information on fingerprints.
TIMOTHY: Morning, all. He sets out his papers before addressing the large group of students.
TIMOTHY: Dr. Landry has been called as an expert witness in the State v Wolpert case that I'm sure you're all tracking. Veronica is distracted, casting glances at the door and at her watch. Timothy notices.
TIMOTHY: He's asked me to take the class today. There's a collective groan.
TIMOTHY: We'll continue with our oral presentations. Now, let's see. Who do I want to hear from? Timothy waves his finger at the class and chuckles.
TIMOTHY: Veronica Mars, why don't you come down here and blow us all away? Veronica checks her watch again.
VERONICA: Actually, I'm not-
TIMOTHY: Very well.
Timothy is quick to register Veronica's failure, marking his sheet. As he does so, Weevil enters the lecture room.
TIMOTHY: Moving on-
VERONICA: Never mind. I'm ready.
Weevil waves at Veronica. She checks her watch again and gives him a glare. Cut to a few moments later. Veronica is at the front of the room, behind the lectern. Weevil is standing next to her, facing the class.
VERONICA: Eli Navarro has been in and out of juvenile detention since he was thirteen years old. Timothy is now on the front row of the students' seats, taking notes.
VERONICA: By the time he turned sixteen, he was the leader of the Pacific Coast Highway Bike Club. The students are engaged. Weevil winks at one girl in particular, to be called Preppy Girl in the credits. She smiles and drops her eyes.
VERONICA: By his count, he's spent more than seven hundred days in juvenile detention facilities. He's currently on parole after assaulting the PCH gang leader who replaced him.
TIMOTHY: [pompously] Veronica, this was an oral presentation, not show and tell.
VERONICA: Dr. Landry said we were allowed audiovisual aids. He's both. Audio-
Veronica points to Weevil who responds on cue.
WEEVIL: Yo. The class laughs.
VERONICA: And visual. Weevil holds out his arms in a "Here I am" gesture to the further appreciation of the students.
TIMOTHY: Fine, I'll let it slide. Veronica gives his a fairly haughty "You do that" nod before continuing.
VERONICA: Today, I'll talk about the socioeconomic conditions that lead preteens into a life of crime. Then I'll open it up to questions to both myself and Mr. Navarro. Eli Navarro stole his first bicycle when he was six years old.
Cut to the question and answer session. Veronica is sitting behind the desk on which the lectern is placed and Weevil is casually half-sitting/half-leaning on the desk.
WEEVIL: Well, we were at it pretty late, you know, a little too much juice, a little too much smoke. The class laughs.
WEEVIL: So, it's like three or four in the morning. One of my boys, Hector, comes in, wakes me up. He's like, "yo, yo, yo, somebody keyed my bike." We find this guy's truck parked on the street, hotwire it, take it to my cousin's shop, 'cause, well, that's where the car crusher is. The students laugh again, getting the sense of where the story is going. Timothy looks around at them, not at all entertained.
WEEVIL: We end up leaving the cube, the one that used to be his F250, in his driveway with the license plates on top. Found out later we had the wrong guy's truck. Amidst the laughter, Weevil does a "Duh" gesture and Timothy looks around the class sourly.
VERONICA: Questions?
PREPPY GIRL: Do you think you can ever really leave gang life behind? I mean, once you've been in it that long...
WEEVIL: Promise you won't tell my parole officer?
PREPPY GIRL: Promise.
WEEVIL: I'm trying. I really am. But truth? I- Yeah, I miss it. I miss having cash in my pocket. I miss the thrill.
Veronica shakes her head slightly, smiling.
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Veronica and Weevil leave the college building together, walking past a notice board to which has been suspended a web-draped skeleton over the usual notices. Weevil points to Veronica's necklace.
WEEVIL: That's a nice necklace. Veronica's hand goes to the necklace as she fingers it.
WEEVIL: It's Lilly's, right?
VERONICA: I've been thinking about her a lot lately.
WEEVIL: So, uh, any big Halloween plans?
VERONICA: Oh, you know, the usual: slapping on my sexy nurse duds and rolling tweeners for their chocolate. Meeting the boyfriend at the Benetian after he gets out of his night class.
WEEVIL: The Benetian?
VERONICA: It's Room 332, Bennis Hall. Some guy runs a casino out of his room.
WEEVIL: That's right. You're a card shark.
VERONICA: It's not for me. I agreed to do something he likes - gambling - in exchange for something I like - dressing up and passing out candy to trick-or-treaters. And I'm not buying that as a costume, so don't come knocking. You might want to consider switching shampoos.
Veronica brushes off a white substance from Weevil's shoulder.
WEEVIL: It's drywall dust, okay? We're renovating the student union upstairs... Weevil is slightly distracted by the arrival nearby by of Preppy Girl. Veronica clocks his interest.
WEEVIL: And I, uh, I got this stuff in crevices and cracks I didn't even know...Hey, word to the wise. You got a boyfriend? Use the short leash.
VERONICA: As hard as this may be to believe, the women of Hearst aren't close to the top of my worries about Logan.
WEEVIL: Wait, wait, wait. What? You're dating Logan again? After the way he treated Lilly?
VERONICA: This is news? Man, the prison grapevine blows.
Weevil shakes his head and walks off, giving her a look of something akin to disgust. Veronica watches him go, a little taken aback.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLASSROOM - DAY.
The Mechanical Engineering teaching assistant is handing out marked papers to the students including Wallace. At the front, the teacher paces as he complains.
WINKLER: How best to describe the results of your retest? Wallace's paper is placed face down on his books.
WINKLER: Disheartening would be a start. An indictment of the U.S. public school system might get closer to the point. Wallace turns over the paper hopefully. He looks at his grade and his face falls.
EXT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Veronica exits her Saturn and remotely locks it. She is carrying a bag of groceries. She stops to gaze at the rather nice Porsche that is parked in front of her, then turns, smiles, and makes her way into the building housing her father's business.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Veronica enters the office. The door to Keith's office is partially open and Keith can be heard.
KEITH: [offscreen] There's my daughter. Veronica, presumably assuming he was on the phone, shouts out to him as she puts the groceries away in the small kitchenette.
VERONICA: Hey, Dad. Back from Shangri-La. Hey, look out your window and check out the Porsche. It's four inches into the fire zone. Let's call the city and get it clamped, you know, just for funsies. You get the lawn chairs. I'll put some popcorn in the microwave.
KEITH: [offscreen] Veronica!
Veronica leaves the kitchenette and walks towards his office door.
VERONICA: Seriously, you blow a hundred grand on a car, I guess you think you can just park wherever you want. She dumps her bag on her desk.
VERONICA: I wonder if the sense of entitlement came standard. Veronica finally pulls back the door to reveal Dean O'Dell and his wife sitting in front of Keith's desk. The dean swivels in his seat to respond to her.
DEAN O'DELL: It did. And while we're on the subject of entitlement, maybe someday you can parlay your complimentary $100,000 college education into a lucrative career of your very own. It's my wife's car, by the way. Veronica, have you met my wife? O'Dell holds out his hand to indicate the young woman, stunning with long red hair, sitting next to him.
VERONICA: No. Has your wife met the hot chick?
MINDY: I believe there's a compliment in there somewhere.
She chuckles.
MINDY: Hello, Veronica.
KEITH: Veronica, why don't you go-
VERONICA: Matriculate myself? Okay.
Veronica exits. The O'Dells turn back to face Keith.
KEITH: You were about to tell me about your ex-husband.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLASSROOM - DAY.
Wallace walks slowly up to the front of the now near-deserted classroom. The T.A. is standing at the front desk, reading something.
WALLACE: Excuse me. The T.A. looks up.
WALLACE: Listen, uh, I think I might have dug myself too big a hole in this class. Mind telling me what I need to do to drop it?
M.E.T.A.: Build a time machine.
Wallace does not see the funny side.
M.E.T.A.: Sorry, man. Add/drops ended last week. Wallace throws back his head in frustration.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Back at the office, Veronica puts the ATM picture in a scanner. She copies the picture onto her laptop screen. She selects, enlarges, and sharpens the Asian youth's shirt. The logo is revealed to be an Indian headdress with the words "Camp Walterloo" over the top.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Camp Waterloo. Veronica taps into Planet Zowie. "Camp Waterloo - Summer Camp - West Virginia" comes up first: "Camp Waterloo, situated in the Appalachian Mountains of West Virginia, provides campers of all ages the opportunity to experience nature in conjunction with self-esteem building...www.campwaterloo.com/ - 17k." Under that entry are entries for the L. Menendez Correctional Camp facility at Waterloo and a badly spelled section on Klamath County, Oregon. Veronica clicks on the first entry. Camp Waterloo's page appears. At the top left of the screen is the same logo as appeared on the shirt. The menu underneath offers choices: Home, Programs, Dates & Fees, Employment, Register, and Groups. Most of the screen is taken up by the home page text and graphic. At the top, it says, "Camp Waterloo, situation in the Appalachian Mountains of We...ages the opportunity to experience nature in conjunction with self-esteem building." Under that is the large heading, "Camp Waterloo" followed by "Traditional Residential Summer Camp in West Virginia for Boys and Girls ages 7-16 - 1 and 2 week sessions." There is then an address: "7113 Mt. Bursa Road Pineville, West Virginia 24859 (304) 555-0128" and a repeat of the earlier message: "A TRADITIONAL RESIDENTIAL SUMMER CAMP in WEST VIRGINIA for BOYS & GIRLS AGES 7-16. Offering 1 and 2 Week Sessions." The graphic is of a goofy looking kid finishing off a poster on an easel. The poster reads "I" followed by a heart, then "CAMP." Veronica picks up the phone and dials the number on screen. She adopts a Southern accent.
VERONICA: Good afternoon, ma'am, and how are you today? She pauses as she listens to the response.
VERONICA: I'll tell you what. I'll be sugar and sunshine if you could help me. I am trying to organise a camp reunion, and I was hoping you could send me a roster of the campers for the last five years. As Veronica listens, she clicks on the camp's programs. A list appears: horseback riding, fishing, canoeing, arts & crafts, climbing wall, theatre, outdoor cooking, hiking, music, water fights, archery, Hobbie Wood, night activities, self-esteem building, and team building.
VERONICA: Yes, ma'am, I sure do miss it. My backside still smarts from all that horseback riding. Veronica laughs in a very Dolly Parton kind of way.
VERONICA: Well, aren't you sweet? Uh, just the names, addresses, and phone numbers, if that's not too much trouble. How long do you think it'll take? Veronica sighs and momentarily drops out of character.
VERONICA: That long, huh? She quickly recovers.
VERONICA: Nope, can you email that to me? It's veronica.mars and they are based at Hearst College dot org. Veronica's voice fades into the background as Keith escorts the O'Dells out of his office.
KEITH: I will track him down.
DEAN O'DELL: We appreciate it, Mr. Mars. We don't have to tell you that it needs to happen soon.
Veronica finishes her phone call.
VERONICA: Thank you so much. She watches Keith as he shuts the main office door behind them and starts to return to his office. She stands.
VERONICA: Do you see why he's the college dean most frequently burned in effigy? Keith veers in his path to stop in front of her desk.
KEITH: You might want to take it easy on him. His stepson is dying. They want me to track down the kid's deadbeat dad. The boy's dying wish is to meet his real father. Veronica is suitable chastened.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, "THE BENETIAN" - NIGHT.
Music: unidentified. Veronica, dressed as Meg White of the White Stripes, enters the busy dorm room. Everyone is in costume and there's the usual party atmosphere that is associated with the gambling den. She passes a table of poker players where amongst them are two wearing the masks of former presidents: one, Jimmy Carter and the other, Richard Nixon.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: As long as I'm in supportive-girlfriend mode, someone point out the sucker table? Baby needs a new pair of-
In a slightly glitchy continuity moment, Richard Nixon is at the front of the room, punching out the guy standing by the door.
JIMMY CARTER: [offscreen] How you like that, huh? Nixon pulls out a gun and the crowd gasp. At the poker table, Jimmy Carter is now standing, also holding a gun. He speaks with a heavy Hispanic accent. End music: unidentified.
JIMMY CARTER: There's a bad guy coming through! Better get out of his way. He joins Nixon at the door. At the side of the room, Mercer, dressed as Alex de Large from A Clockwork Orange, holds out a hand in a "Steady" gesture as many of the others, including Veronica, hold up their hands.
JIMMY CARTER: Okay, everybody, you just take it easy, okay? Now, what you're gonna do is you're gonna give me everything you got. He holds up his wrist. Both men are wearing white gloves.
JIMMY CARTER: I want the watches, the jewellery, the wallets, everything. Next to him, Nixon gets a cloth pumpkin-decorated bag out of his jacket pocket and shakes it out.
JIMMY CARTER: And I want you to put it all in Tricky Dick's bag, right over here. Move! Nixon pushes the bag towards the student closest to him as the rest start to take off their watches and jewellery. Veronica slowly opens her bag. Carter heads for Mercer.
JIMMY CARTER: You! Give me the cashbox? It's in the drawer behind you. Mercer doesn't move.
JIMMY CARTER: Now! Carter shoves the gun closer and Mercer does as bid. Nixon continues to collect the sundry items from the others. Mercer holds out the cash box, which is equipped with a combination lock.
JIMMY CARTER: The combination!
MERCER: You seem highly intelligent and motivated. Figure it out.
JIMMY CARTER: [shouting] The combination or...
He points the gun at one of the people at the blackjack table next to him.
JIMMY CARTER: You're gonna have to find someone new to deal the blackjack, man. Mercer remains defiant. Carter turns and slaps the corpse-costumed dealer hard enough to throw him off his chair. There's a collective gasp. Carter turns the gun back on Mercer who momentarily remains defiant, but then brings up the box and punches the combination. Meanwhile, Nixon reaches Veronica. She drops her wallet into the swag bag. Carter grabs the cash box from Mercer. Nixon waves the gun under Veronica's chin, wanting the necklace.
VERONICA: Sorry, Tricky. That stays with me. Nixon puts transfer the gun to his right hand and reaches out to take the necklace. Veronica bats his arm away. Nixon points the gun at her again just as Carter arrives, having seen her refusal. Carter grabs her by the neck and pushes her into the wall. He points his gun at her head.
JIMMY CARTER: What? D'you think we're playing with you? He moves his hand down to the necklace which he grips and twists. He rips it from her neck. Veronica gives a small cry.
VERONICA: You're gonna regret that. Carter just stares at her, nodding. He backs away to join Nixon. They both continue to wave around the guns as they move to the door.
JIMMY CARTER: Say good night to the bad guy. He grabs the cash box and they leave, slamming the door behind them. Veronica, breathing heavily, her hand on her chest where the necklace lay, stares hard after them. Opening credits.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, "THE BENETIAN" - NIGHT.
Veronica is standing against the wall, fingering the missing necklace, looking seriously pissed off. It's a little later. A campus security officer (Harrison by his name tag) is at the door. One of the students, dressed like Lebowski, heads for the open door where Harrison stands. He grabs the restless student's arm to stop him leaving.
HARRISON: Hey, where are you going?
RESTLESS STUDENT: I've wasted too much time already.
HARRISON: We still have to get statements from everyone. Sit down.
RESTLESS STUDENT: Why? So make-believe cop can make-believe he'll get my stuff back?
The restless student backs away. Harrison does not stop him, but instead turns to another student he was talking to before.
HARRISON: Thank you. Elsewhere in the room, Mercer is sitting at one of the gaming tables being interviewed by another campus security officer, Sasaki.
MERCER: There's probably ten grand in the lockbox, give or take.
SASAKI: And you expect us to help? We told you to shut this place down twice.
MERCER: Trust me, I don't expect you to help. You asked a question. I answered it.
Veronica sees Logan, dressed as Jack White of the White Stripes, arrive, oblivious. She takes a step towards him.
LOGAN: [a la Mike LaFontaine in A Mighty Wind] Wha' happened?
VERONICA: Where were you?
LOGAN: I was in class, like we talked about. Less gambling, more learning. That was right after you said "jump" and I asked "how high?"
VERONICA: Two guys pulled guns, held up the casino. They took the necklace Lilly gave me.
Logan immediately drops the levity and reaches out for her.
LOGAN: Come here. He pulls her to him with one hand on her head. Behind them, Lamb arrives with a deputy. He surveys the room from the door.
LAMB: Well, well, what do we have here? An illegal gambling establishment. Lamb makes his way into the room.
LAMB: Underage drinking. He spots Veronica and Logan.
LAMB: Public displays of affection. Lamb shudders.
LAMB: It's like Sodom and Gomorrah in here. Barker, start collecting IDs from everyone in the room. Deputy Barker gets out a pen and makes for the nearest student.
VERONICA: Uh, we had our wallets stolen. Veronica gives him a "Get it?" face and Lamb is momentarily at a loss on this exposure of his stupidity. He is saved from responding by Harrison, standing over Mercer.
HARRISON: The casino's run by this student here. Now, we've asked him to shut it down, but he says-
LAMB: Good work, J.V. Varsity's taking the field now. We've got it from here.
Lamb smiles condescendingly. Harrison swallows his second put-down of the night.
LOGAN: You know, with Scotland Yard on the case, you're sure to have that... He kisses the top of her head.
LOGAN: Necklace back in no time.
VERONICA: [coldly] Yeah, well, I don't think I'm gonna need their help. Pretty sure I know who did it.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S ROOM - NIGHT.
Wallace is studying at his desk. He sighs and shakes his head, struggling. A youth, Mason, leans against his open doorway.
MASON: You posing for the brochure? Wallace looks up. Mason puts on an officious voice.
MASON: "The dedicated students are the very picture of diligence as they strive to meet Hearst's rigorous academic standards." He ends with his hand on his heart.
WALLACE: You're enjoying yourself. That's great. I'm happy for you. Wallace slams shut his book, not amused. Mason walks into the room.
MASON: What's your problem?
WALLACE: Nothing...just that I'm officially failing mechanical engineering, which wouldn't be a problem except I want to be a mechanical engineer. I've always wanted to be a mechanical engineer, and I've...
He picks up and throws down a file card in frustration.
WALLACE: Never failed anything.
MASON: You need to chill.
As he says "chill," Mason throws out his arms and falls backwards, landing on the beanbag in the room.
WALLACE: I do? Thanks. Good to know.
MASON: Wasn't it En Vogue who taught us all to free our minds, as the rest would follow?
WALLACE: And that means what?
MASON: It means...
Mason points at Wallace.
MASON: We're going out tonight. Wallace half-smiles.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Keith is in his office, on the phone.
KEITH: Mr. O'Dell, it's Keith Mars. I've got good news. I've located your wife's ex-husband and he's right here in sunny Southern California.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.
Dean O'Dell is at his own desk.
DEAN O'DELL: How'd you find him?
KEITH: [on phone] He left a trail of ex-wives.
DEAN O'DELL: And it led you straight to the corner where he was passing out fliers dressed as a cell phone?
The camera continues to switch between the locations.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS/HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.
KEITH: The manager of his rathole apartment let me in his place. One bedroom, lots of Backstage Wests with auditions circled.
O'Dell shakes his head.
KEITH: Apparently he's scratching out a living working as a voiceover actor. I think I've got a plan to arrange a meeting between you, your wife, and Mr. Batando. O'Dell sinks back in his seat.
EXT - WEEVIL'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Weevil, carrying a toolbox and a small bag, makes his way down an alley to his small apartment. Music: unidentified. He puts down the toolbox and gets out his keys, but before he can select one, he hears a dog barking inside. Weevil takes a few steps back, then bends down to get a heavy wrench from his toolbox. He opens the door and switches on the light. Veronica and Backup are inside waiting for him.
VERONICA: Hope you don't mind. One of the cockroaches let me in. So, where'd you stash my necklace?
Weevil stares at her. Music: unidentified.
WEEVIL: You can let him go. Backup and me, we're old friends. Veronica is not in the mood. She jumps up from her seat on the couch.
VERONICA: Where's Lilly's necklace?
WEEVIL: Someone left a bracelet in my bed last week. Oh, wait, uh, was it a hoop earring?
VERONICA: I'm not playing with you.
WEEVIL: Don't you get it? I have no idea what you're talking about.
VERONICA: Oh, you don't, huh?
Weevil shakes his head.
VERONICA: [angry] Let me spell it out. I tell you about a working on-campus casino. Six hours later, it's held up by a guy your size wearing a mask who happens to be covered in a thin film of drywall dust and the stench of Drakkar cologne.
WEEVIL: My cologne stinks? So, all this play I've been getting is from pure s*x appeal?
She takes a step closer.
VERONICA: You just told my classmates that your old life of crime was calling. You just asked me about Lilly's necklace. Weevil's own temper starts to rise as he takes a step towards her.
WEEVIL: I can't believe you think I'd do that...to you. After all we've been through.
VERONICA: After all we've been through, can you really blame me?
Weevil drops his head and holds out his hand, deciding not to fight.
WEEVIL: Yeah. Hey, Backup, you can stay. He points to the door.
WEEVIL: Your girl's gotta go. Veronica huffs and fingers the site of the missing necklace before heading for the door.
WEEVIL: It's a wonder you don't have more friends. Veronica pauses and looks at him for a long moment before finally leaving.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Cliff is sitting on the small couch in the outer office, reading a newspaper. He looks up as the door bursts open. It's Veronica.
VERONICA: I'm here. Whew! Sorry I'm late. Hi, Cliff. Keith is just coming out of the small kitchenette.
KEITH: You remember the job?
VERONICA: Pretend to be your receptionist. I just wish I had some life experience to draw from.
Veronica heads for her desk.
KEITH: Clifford, you ready?
CLIFF: [in full voiceover mode] Race fans, hot-rodders, the monster trucks are coming to Neptune, Neptune, Neptune!
KEITH: That's great, Cliff, but just remember-
CLIFF: Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!
Keith and Veronica laugh.
EXT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Outside, a man carrying a picture of himself and a slip of paper consults the slip of paper before stopping at the entryway to Mars Investigations. Satisfied that he has the right address, he enters, passing a sign that reads "Mars Advertising & Media Solutions."
CLIFF: [offscreen] "Certain restrictions may apply. No video, flash photography..."
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Cliff is reading from a sheet of paper, practicing and pacing. Keith is sitting on the couch, holding another sheet of paper. The man from the street enters.
CLIFF: "Or other recording devices allowed without the express written permission of the Monster Truck Association of America. Please drink responsibly." The man glances at Cliff and Keith as he passes them and makes his way to Veronica's desk.
CLIFF: Certain restrictions may apply.
STEVE: Hi, I'm here for the audition. Steve Batando.
He hands Veronica his picture, which she takes.
VERONICA: Great, I'll take your résumé. Sign in. They'll be right with you. Steve signs in and picks up one of the "audition" sheets.
KEITH: So, Mickey, you book that Olive Garden gig?
CLIFF: Waiting to hear.
Cliff goes back to practicing.
CLIFF: ...allowed without the express- An intercom tone on Veronica's phone sounds. She picks up the phone and listens for a brief moment. Cliff stops to watch her as Steve sits on the couch, next to Cliff.
VERONICA: Yeah. She puts down the phone and calls out to Cliff.
VERONICA: Mickey, they're ready for you.
CLIFF: Someone want to take my turn? I'm still...dialling it in.
Keith turns to Steve.
KEITH: Go ahead if you want.
STEVE: You sure?
Steve looks from Keith to Cliff for approval.
STEVE: Great. He gets up and heads for the door to Keith's office. He points to it while looking at Veronica.
STEVE: This it?
VERONICA: Mm-hmm.
CLIFF: ....Association of America...
As Cliff continues to practice, Steve reaches the door. Keith's name has been covered over by a sign that reads "Casting In Session." Steve glances down at the script as he opens the door. Inside Keith's office, photos of other actors have been taped to the back of the door, again obscuring Keith's name, and to the Community Protection Award plaque just to the right of the door. Steve steps in to what appears to be an empty office. However, Keith's chair swivels around to reveal Dean O'Dell.
DEAN O'DELL: Steve. Welcome. Mindy appears from the toilet to the right of Keith's desk and stands by her husband.
STEVE: What the... Behind him, the door opens and Keith slips in.
STEVE: No, no, no, we're not doing this. He turns to leave, but Keith blocks his path.
KEITH: You can leave in a minute, but first you're gonna listen. Steve turns back to face Mindy.
STEVE: Mindy, what the hell is this about, alimony? I mean, is this what you've stooped to?
MINDY: This isn't about money, Steve. I just...needed to talk to you, and I didn't know any other way.
STEVE: No other way?
Mindy glances down at her husband before advancing towards Steve.
MINDY: Jason is dying. He has bone cancer and he needs a bone marrow transplant. Steve sinks into one of the chairs in front of the desk.
MINDY: He needs you, Steve. This all comes as a surprise to Keith, who falls back against the wall.
STEVE: How do you know I'm a match?
MINDY: From the paternity test.
Mindy drops into the chair next to Steve.
MINDY: You are a match, thank God. He needs you. Can you do this? This is your chance, Steve. You can be his dad again. [pleading softly] Do this. Please. STEVE: You know something? There was a time when I could have been around. I could have been there for Jason, but you kept me away from him. You turned him against me. MINDY: I did no such thing. STEVE: And you left me because I wasn't making enough money. MINDY: I left you because you were lazy, 'cause you wanted everything to come easy. STEVE: Be careful. Don't forget, you're asking me a favour. DEAN O'DELL: A favour? O'Dell rises from Keith's chair and leans over the desk.
DEAN O'DELL: Yes, please, Steve, do us a favour... Steve slowly rises from his seat to face him.
DEAN O'DELL: And see if you can act like an actual human for three seconds out of your otherwise completely worthless life. You're going to do this. I don't care if I have to break you in half and suck the marrow out of your bones myself. You're going to do this for your son.
STEVE: He's not my son. He's your son.
He points at Mindy, still sitting in the seat next to his, looking tragic.
STEVE: She made that perfectly clear. He turns and walks out. Keith doesn't try to stop him. Mindy starts to cry.
MINDY: No. O'Dell starts to run after him but Keith subtly blocks his path.
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - NIGHT.
Weevil wipes his forehead with the back of his hand as he heads for his car. He opens the door and sticks in his toolbox. As he does, he notices Logan walking and then pausing by the Range Rover with a girl. Weevil smirks, shuts his car door and walks towards them. The girl walks away from Logan with a smile, passing Weevil.
WEEVIL: Hey, Joe College!
LOGAN: José Lunchpail, the living, breathing embodiment of the American dream.
Weevil, in his Hearst College maintenance overalls, bows.
LOGAN: Punch any clocks lately?
WEEVIL: Are you lining up your next girlfriend? Hmm?
Weevil points in the direction the girl went but before Logan can make any comeback, Lamb pulls up next to him in his car, lights flashing and siren momentarily on.
LAMB: I'm guessing this low rider's yours? Lamb jerks his head towards Weevil's car. Cut to moments later. Sacks is searching Weevil's car, using a flashlight. Logan is still there, standing next to Weevil.
WEEVIL: Any reason why everyone suspects me for a crime I don't even know anything about? Sacks pulls out what looks to be a handful of jewellery from the car.
SACKS: Got 'em. They match the robbery description. Lamb, now leaning against his car in front of Weevil, holds up handcuffs.
LAMB: Yikes. He walks towards Weevil.
LAMB: Hey, what do you say we do your Miranda Rights in harmony this time? I'll take lead. You take tenor? Weevil puts his arms behind his back. Lamb cuffs him and leads him to his car.
LOGAN: Is it still called déjà vu when something happens more than twice, or is that something different? I'll have to look that up. Lamb gets Weevil into the backseat. Logan leans down to the car.
LOGAN: Ask for cell B. It has the best light. Lamb and Sacks get back into the car. Lamb picks up his radio but looks at Logan, which makes Logan a little uncomfortable and he clears his throat. Lamb speaks into the radio, still staring at Logan.
LAMB: Hey, good-looking, we'll be back to pick you up later. The car drives away.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.
Veronica is reading a magazine, sitting in one of the reception area chairs. Lamb slaps some papers down on the counter and approaches her.
LAMB: Sacks tells me you're here to see Weevil. Planning on helping him beat another rap?
VERONICA: Actually, I'm here to get my necklace back.
LAMB: I don't understand. You actually believe that the bad guy did it?
In shock, Lamb does the robot.
LAMB: Does not compute.
DEPUTY: Hey, Sheriff's doing the robot again.
LAMB: Does not compute.
DEPUTY: I'll get my camera phone.
VERONICA: You must have been fun in the '80s.
Lamb straightens up and smirks.
VERONICA: So, you get a tip about the watches in Weevil's car?
LAMB: Better. He used a stolen credit card from one of the wallets lifted in the casino hold-up. Charged a pizza from Mama Mia Pizza. Criminal mastermind had it delivered to his own apartment.
Lamb turns and walks away, while Veronica ponders this. Cut to a little later, in the jail cells. Weevil is lying on the bench, staring at the ceiling.
VERONICA: [offscreen] Be it ever so humble. Weevil looks over as Veronica reaches the bars of his cell.
WEEVIL: Yeah. He sits up.
WEEVIL: I'm thinking of some curtains over here, maybe a koi pond in the corner.
VERONICA: [deliberately casual] Where's my necklace?
WEEVIL: I don't have it.
He stands and walks to the bars.
WEEVIL: It was a frame job, V. Look, a prepaid pizza was delivered to my apartment. I didn't order it. Come on, what's a working man gonna do in that situation?
VERONICA: So, when I look into this, and I will look into this, I'm gonna find out you didn't order that pizza?
WEEVIL: Or you could just save yourself the trouble and take my word for it.
They stare at each other for a moment and then laugh.
WEEVIL: Okay.
VERONICA: That was good. Well done.
Weevil gives her a salute. Veronica drops the smile and stares hard at him before swivelling around and leaving.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S ROOM - NIGHT.
Wallace is studying again. There is a knock at the door. Wallace looks up in irritation, deciding to ignore it, and adds to his notes. The knock is repeated. Wallace throws down his pen, slams shut his book and walks to the door. He opens it to Mason and two pretty girls.
MASON, JESSICA AND CHLOE: Surprise. Everybody grins, including Wallace. Mason holds up a DVD and a bag of microwave popcorn.
MASON: Redenbacher and The Hills Have Eyes. You remember Chloe and Jessica from last night. Chloe and Jessica give Wallace little waves.
MASON: Instant party.
WALLACE: You guys, I'm studying.
JESSICA: Study later.
CHLOE: Yeah, Wallace.
JESSICA: Let's have fun.
WALLACE: I can't, y'all.
Mason steps forward.
MASON: I thought you might say that, and that's why I brought you this. He holds out a post-it note with the name Max written on it, together with a phone number, 555-0123.
MASON: Call this number. It's a tutor.
WALLACE: Is he good?
Mason scoffs.
MASON: Miracle worker. Got me through a course last year, and a hard one.
WALLACE: You're a P.E. major.
MASON: Please. Kinesiology. Feeling better already, aren't you?
Wallace smiles and throws back his arm to usher his guests into the room.
INT - MAMA MIA'S PIZZAS - DAY.
Veronica approaches the counter. She watches as Danny, who is manning the counter, is giving instructions to one of the drivers
DANNY: Listen, take the complex map.
PIZZA DRIVER: All right.
Danny turns back to the front and sees Veronica. His jaw drops.
VERONICA: Hi, I'm looking for the manager. He or she around? Danny points at her.
DANNY: You're Veronica Mars. A little surprised, Veronica searches her mind for who he is.
VERONICA: And you're... She doesn't find it but does spot his name tag.
VERONICA: Danny.
DANNY: Rossow. Yeah, I am. Cool. You went to my school last year. I go to Neptune High.
VERONICA: Lucky you.
DANNY: You remember when those bikers taped that guy up to the flagpole and you just walked up there and cut him down?
VERONICA: Yeah. Listen-
DANNY: [with increasing excitement and awe] Remember when you stopped those guys from blowing up the school?
VERONICA: No one was gonna blow up the school. So, what I was going to-
DANNY: On the last day, I really wanted you to sign my yearbook.
VERONICA: Danny, I'm working on a case now.
DANNY: That...is so awesome.
VERONICA: Yeah, it is. It's so awesome, and I need your help. An order went out last night to 1172 Navasota. Do you guys have caller ID?
Danny glances behind him at a computer screen.
DANNY: Well, we're totally computerized. The order comes in. It logs the phone number. That way, we can answer the phone like... Danny makes a phone with his fingers and pretends to speak into it.
DANNY: "Mr. Smith, thanks for calling again. Another Pepperoni Lovers for you and the missus?" Impatient, Veronica just smiles tightly. Danny drops his hand and clears his throat before turning and checking the computer screen. He glances back over his shoulder at Veronica.
DANNY: 1172 Navasota? Veronica nods and Danny returns to face her.
DANNY: It wasn't a call-in. It was an internet order.
VERONICA: Really? Any way of knowing where the order came in from?
DANNY: Only our manager, Mr. Wolfcastle, can make those requests from our internet service provider, and he's not here.
VERONICA: Any way we can make like he is?
It takes Danny a minute to get what she's saying. When he does, he smiles conspiratorially. Cut to a few moments later. Danny and Veronica are at the manager's desk in the back. Danny is sitting at the desk, on the phone. Veronica is next to him, her elbows leaning on the desk. Danny is speaking in a German accent.
DANNY: Hello, this is Walter Wolfcastle. With who am I speaking? He pauses a second for the answer.
DANNY: Listen, I need a favour 'cause my hands are full. He glances at Veronica who nods in encouragement.
DANNY: I need you to track an internet order. Veronica gives him the thumbs up. Danny half-smiles nervously and nods. He then gets really into the part.
DANNY: Of course I want it now. What? Should I wait 'til Tuesday? Veronica laughs and Danny nods with greater confidence.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
The scene opens on a computer screen, headed Hearst Computing Services. Showing on screen is an email from [email protected] to [email protected]. The subject is "Your request, madame...." The email reads: "Your IP address is 156.1.240.45. Hope this works! Danny."
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Thanks to my one-man fan club, I now know precisely which computer... Veronica is staring at the screen.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: The pizza order was placed from, a public Hearst College computer hub just forty feet away from where Weevil was dry-walling. Veronica looks around her. There are some men working on a doorway where there are signs of recent plastering. Across the busy hall, there is the office of the campus security officers. A little girl is sitting on some chairs outside their office.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: So he stays in the mix. Then again, so do hundreds of people who pass through here every day. Hello, square one. Nice to see you again. Veronica gets up from the stool only to find that she has sat on a wad of sickly purple bubblegum, which is now on the back of her jeans. She pulls what she can off with a groan.
VERONICA: Oh, lovely. It sticks to her thumb and she balls it up. She starts to look in her bag, presumably for a tissue, when she spots the little girl, watching her as she blows sickly purple bubbles. Veronica approaches her.
VERONICA: Hi. Any idea how this gum got from your mouth to that chair? The girl stands up and meets her halfway.
BRATTY LITTLE GIRL: I thought this was supposed to be a good school. Shouldn't you be, like, smart? Veronica gasps at the brat's insolence. The girls spins around and walks into the office of the Hearst College Police Dept., as it states on the door.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Cliff is in the kitchenette, smiling at Cliff's tale.
CLIFF: [offscreen] So, speaking of down and dirty, you wouldn't believe the divorce case I've got. Cliff is in the main office, sitting on the couch. There is a sandwich on a plate in front of him. A couple of open cans of soda are also on the small coffee table. Cliff has a napkin tucked under his chin.
CLIFF: Lady stole from her husband, repeatedly... In the kitchenette, the microwave pings.
CLIFF: [offscreen] Stole from his children, had his dog put to sleep... Keith turns to attend to the microwave.
CLIFF: And let the record show the dog was quite surprised by this decision. The woman slept with...everyone. Keith enters the main office, carrying a small pot of something.
KEITH: And let me guess. She's your client. They both chuckle. Keith sits down on the chair next to Cliff just as the main office door opens and Lamb walks in with another man trailing behind.
SANCHEZ: Gentlemen. He points to Cliff.
SANCHEZ: Is this the one?
LAMB: No, there's your guy.
Lamb nods at Keith.
KEITH: Can I help you fellas with something?
LAMB: This is Detective Sanchez with the LAPD.
Sanchez steps ahead of Lamb, putting an "I'll take care of this" finger on Lamb's chest, a gesture Lamb recognises and does not appreciate. Sanchez pulls a business card out of his jacket pocket and holds it out.
SANCHEZ: Sir, is, uh, this your card? Keith peers at it from his seat.
KEITH: Yeah.
SANCHEZ: You presented yourself as an Adrian Monk...
As Sanchez reads off the card, Cliff and Keith share an amused glance.
SANCHEZ: A Los Angeles County Building Inspector? And I believe that's your cell phone number written on it?
KEITH: And?
SANCHEZ: Sir, the apartment complex manager that you handed that to says you ordered him to let you into the apartment of a one Steven Batando.
Keith shrugs and plays the fool.
KEITH: Ordered? Asked politely, maybe. He laughs. Lamb shuts his eyes and Sanchez isn't laughing. Keith holds out his wrists.
KEITH: Congratulations, boys. You got me.
SANCHEZ: That's a good one, Mr. Mars. But I'm afraid that impersonating a county employee is the least of your problems.
LAMB: Batando's been missing for fifty-two hours. Guess what, Keith? You're the leading suspect in his disappearance.
Cliff looks over at Keith who finally adopts a more serious demeanour.
EXT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
There is an establishing shot of the outside of the building, showing off Keith's immediate business neighbours: Kiki Fantastico and her School of Dancing, Completely Video, Nickelodeon Records. Lamb's sheriff's car is parked on the street in front of the entrance.
SANCHEZ: [offscreen] So, Mr. Mars...
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - CONTINUING.
Keith is still being interrogated. Sanchez has out a notebook. Lamb tries to sneak a peek over his shoulder.
SANCHEZ: You mind telling us what you were looking for in Mr. Batando's apartment?
LAMB: The man's girlfriend was worried sick. You should have seen her crying, Keith. It was heartbreaking.
Cliff pulls off his napkin bib and stands.
CLIFF: Excuse me, officers, but if I don't bring up the law, then this won't be considered a billable hour. Keith, smiling wryly, looks up at Cliff.
CLIFF: Do you plan on charging my client? Lamb and Sanchez shift uncomfortably, clearly having insufficient to do so.
CLIFF: Great. If you'd like to talk with him further, call my office. I'll set an appointment. My card. Cliff holds out the card he has pulled from his shirt pocket.
LAMB: I know your number. It's all over the bus benches. "Call Cliff and get off."
CLIFF: Plus, it's a radio jingle.
Cliff starts to sing.
CLIFF: "Call 555-12-" Neither of the law enforcement officers are amused.
CLIFF: Well, you know the rest. Keith smiles.
SANCHEZ: We'll be keeping an eye on you, Mr. Mars. Keith shivers.
KEITH: Brrr. Lamb and Sanchez leave. Cliff sits back down on the couch.
KEITH: Nice work, Cliff. Cliff picks up his sandwich and waggles it at him, adopting the slogan from a well-known American TV commercial for Olive Garden.
CLIFF: When you're here, you're family.
Cut to a little later. Keith is on the phone in his office.
KEITH: Okay, thank you. Cliff is standing by the Obey poster as Keith puts down the phone.
KEITH: Jason O'Dell was discharged yesterday.
CLIFF: You think the dean and his wife kidnapped Batando?
KEITH: It looks that way. They asked him for his bone marrow. Batando said no.
CLIFF: These things tend to end badly, Keith. There's not much motivation to keep the unwilling donor alive. They tend to expire on the operating table. It's tough to press charges when you're six feet under.
Cliff starts loading his briefcase with papers.
KEITH: I'm gonna track down the O'Dells, scare the dean if I can find him. I'm gonna need some help. You still got your researcher working for you?
CLIFF: Yep. Whatever you need.
Keith sighs.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Keith bursts into Dean O'Dell's office where O'Dell is working at his desk.
KEITH: [angry] Oh, you still in town? You haven't skipped yet? Where's your wife's ex-husband? Where's your stepson? DEAN O'DELL: Mexico. Just got off the phone with my wife. She took Jason to Rosarito. She won't tell me which hospital, but they're moving forward. Mindy's brother is helping her. I'm gonna lose them both, Keith, my stepson, my wife, all because of that selfish son of a bitch. KEITH: I'll track them down. O'Dell stands.
DEAN O'DELL: I'm going with you. You're gonna need to trace her call, right?
KEITH: Probably, yeah.
DEAN O'DELL: How do you plan on keeping her on the line?
O'Dell gets his keys out of his desk.
DEAN O'DELL: I can say half a sentence and get her to yell at me for three hours. Keith smiles and nods.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.
Weevil is in his cell, bouncing a ball along his now blanket-free bench to the wall and catching it. Veronica approaches.
VERONICA: You rang? WEEVIL: If there was anybody else... Veronica folds his arms.
WEEVIL: One of the other maintenance guys found the masks used in the hold-up in a dumpster behind Bennis Hall. He found the guns, too. He came to me instead of going to Lamb because he wasn't sure if it'd hurt me or help me. I'm not really sure either.
VERONICA: I can track the ownership history of the guns to see where it leads.
WEEVIL: Yeah, uh...
Weevil gets up from the bench and approaches the bars.
WEEVIL: I doubt that's gonna work. The guns aren't real. They're fakes. Veronica looks surprised.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE.
Veronica walks along the back of a stage, arriving at a group of four students, all dressed in seventeenth century garb for their production of Tartuffe, are standing silently at the edge of the stage. Veronica stands with them for a moment without their acknowledging her presence.
VERONICA: Uh, excuse me? The student playing Orgon eventually responds without turning around or taking his eyes off the stage.
ORGON: Yeah.
VERONICA: Can someone point me to the props department?
ORGON: Jenny's props.
VERONICA: Where could I find-
The student dressed as Elmire, also fixated on the stage, responds without looking at Veronica.
JENNY: I'm Jenny. What do you need?
VERONICA: Um...someone held up an on-campus casino using a couple of prop guns.
JENNY: [dismissively] We're the theatre department. We don't do guns.
ORGON: We do Molière. You want a poor man's Tarantino - that would be the film department. If you see them, tell them we just loved their little opening night present.
VERONICA: Which is?
JENNY: Our stage is covered in Pam.
VERONICA: Who's Pam?
ORGON: Pam is a cooking spray.
Veronica looks down at the stage and sees that it is glistening.
ORGON: We can't walk out there without falling on our asses. We had the temerity to schedule our opening night on the same weekend as their short film festival. VERONICA: Maybe this is their way of saying break a leg. The students turn their heads towards her as one and glare. Veronica backs her way out with a theatrical flourish.
VERONICA: Thank you! Good night! Here all week. Try the veal. She pulls down an invisible curtain.
VERONICA: And scene. She spins round and exits sharply.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - MAX'S ROOM.
Wallace stops at Max's door. His whiteboard proclaims his name and the message "Do not write here." Wallace hesitates a moment, then knocks. A geeky-looking guy opens the door.
MAX: Yeah?
WALLACE: One of the guys on the team said I should-
MAX: Uh-huh. Instructor and class.
WALLACE: Um, Winkler. Engineering.
MAX: Come in. Close the door.
Max backs into his room. Wallace follows and does as instructed. Max gets some papers out of a filing cabinet.
MAX: Winkler's used the same exams for the past three years. Max faces Wallace and taps the papers.
MAX: This file does not contain the exams. It's a study guide. If you want the study guide, it's a hundred dollars. If you want the answers to the study guide, it's another hundred. WALLACE: It's a study guide, huh? MAX: Yeah, it's two hundred for the set. WALLACE: I'll take the guide. You keep the answers. Wallace gets out his wallet.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT.
The film festival is underway with a showing of the short film The Italian Submarine. The audience claps as it opens on a submarine sandwich. The camera shifts, in the film, to hands opening a cash register. Veronica and Logan arrive.
VERONICA: Find us seats. I'm gonna get us some popcorn and grill me some film geeks. Veronica looks towards the back of the audience. Logan, instead of looking for seats, is drawn to watch the movie.
LOGAN: Uh, Veronica?
VERONICA: Yeah?
LOGAN: You know that whole life imitates art thing?
Veronica turns to look at him and then follows his eyes to the screen. In the film, two men wearing presidents masks, one of Carter and one of Nixon, are robbing the store. They race to the man at the cash register.
JIMMY CARTER: You ready to screw 'em, Dick?
RICHARD NIXON: Yeah, cover me, Jimmy.
JIMMY CARTER: All right, hands in the air, buddy.
RICHARD NIXON: Stick 'em up.
Veronica stares with her mouth open.
RICHARD NIXON: [offscreen] Give me the money.
VICTIM: [offscreen] Yo, dude, man, all right, man, cool.
RICHARD NIXON: [offscreen] Right now, you see. Right now.
VICTIM: [offscreen] Don't hurt me man!
RICHARD NIXON: [offscreen] And don't forget to vote.
Cut to later. Some students are collecting the chairs. Veronica is interviewing the movie's maker, who keeps glancing over her shoulder.
VERONICA: Loved your movie. Eight millimeter, bold choice.
FILM GUY: Yeah.
Logan is sitting behind Veronica, eating popcorn.
VERONICA: So, in other news, an armed robbery was committed with the masks and guns used in your little film. I was hoping you could tell me where I might find those now. The guy isn't listening. He moves past Veronica to talk to Logan.
FILM GUY: You're Logan Echolls, right? I heard you were going here. Did you ever think of investing in-
LOGAN: No.
Logan shakes the popcorn. Veronica steps between them and snaps her fingers.
VERONICA: Hey, buddy, right here. Logan points up at her with his thumb behind her back.
VERONICA: You can schmooze later.
FILM GUY: The guns and the masks were stolen. Our whole equipment truck disappeared a week ago.
VERONICA: Did you report it?
FILM GUY: Yeah, the campus police actually tracked it down. Can you believe it?
The film guy attempts to charm Logan again by sharing his joke with him.
FILM GUY: Rent-a-cops. Logan gives him a huge fake smile before returning to his popcorn.
FILM GUY: We got all our equipment back. Only thing missing were the guns and the masks.
VERONICA: Hmm.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S ROOM - NIGHT.
Wallace is studying again, using the study guide, writing notes frantically. He slows in frustration, clearly not understanding. He writes a little more, then crosses out everything on the page. He throws down his pen, distraught.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - MAX'S ROOM - NIGHT.
Wallace knocks on Max's door. Max opens it. Wallace says nothing. He just holds up $100, fanned out. Max smiles smugly.
INT - HOSPITAL, MEXICO - DAY.
A frustrated Keith rounds the corner of a hospital corridor. Spanish can be heard over the tannoy system. Dean O'Dell is following him. Keith looks over his shoulder without stopping.
KEITH: Call her again.
DEAN O'DELL: It's not gonna work.
Keith checks a room to no avail.
DEAN O'DELL: Mindy's not gonna pick up the phone. And I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure you can't trace a phone call if the person on the other end won't pick up the phone. O'Dell shakes the phone in his hand uselessly. Keith's own cell phone rings.
KEITH: Cliff? As Keith listens, his frustration increases.
KEITH: Thanks, Cliff. Keith drops the phone, positively gargoylish in his facial contortions. He spins round to face O'Dell.
KEITH: You've got him at Sisters of Mercy in San Diego. Mindy's uncle's an oncologist there.
DEAN O'DELL: Do you expect me to apologise, Keith? He's my son.
KEITH: How'd you get Batando admitted? You bring him in unconscious?
DEAN O'DELL: What choice did he leave us?
Keith can't believe it and storms off back the way they came.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LECTURE ROOM - DAY.
The Mechanical Engineering class is taking their test. Wallace rises from his seat and walks towards Winkler, sitting at a desk at the front of the room. Winkler looks up, a little surprised. Wallace drops two paper booklets onto Winkler's desk. Wallace turns and walks away. Winkler picks up one of the booklets, opens it and starts to read. As he does, his brow furrows. He stares in the direction Wallace left.
EXT - HARRISON RESIDENCE - DAY.
Veronica and Backup approach a small blue bungalow. She knocks on the wrought iron screen. Harrison, the campus policeman, still in his uniform although his shirt is unbuttoned, exposing the white t-shirt underneath. Veronica waves. Harrison comes towards the door, but spots Backup and doesn't attempt to open it.
HARRISON: Who are you? Veronica puts her hand around her neck.
VERONICA: Come on, you remember me. I'm the girl whose necklace you stole. It's got sentimental value. I want it back.
HARRISON: I see. I'll take two boxes of the Thin Mints and some Lemon Coolers.
VERONICA: You can keep all the gambling money, everything else. I don't care. Just give me my necklace back, and-and we'll be cool.
HARRISON: Wow, that's some hard-core salesmanship. You're good. Uh, tell you what. Throw in a box of the shortbread.
VERONICA: You and your partner robbed the casino.
She points at Harrison.
VERONICA: You did all the talking because of Sasaki's accent. As security officers, the criminal records of all new employees cross your desk. You decide to pin your crime on the new ex-con maintenance guy you see every day just outside your office. This also explains why you were covered in drywall dust. She points at him again.
VERONICA: You knew about the casino. You even tried to shut it down a couple times, but those spoiled college boys didn't listen to you. Harrison laughs in bemusement.
VERONICA: I'm guessing you got the idea when you found the masks and prop guns in the film department van. Veronica puts on a broad Hispanic accent.
VERONICA: D'you theenk I meessed anyting?
HARRISON: Well, one thing. Proof.
VERONICA: Not quite true.
From her bag, Veronica pulls out a plastic bag containing the presidents masks.
VERONICA: Look what I have.
HARRISON: Prints? The witnesses said the hold-up men wore gloves.
VERONICA: Yeah, but you wouldn't believe how much hair is inside these masks. It's kind of gross, actually. It's like a sack of DNA. So, I'll trade you. This bag for my necklace.
Harrison glances back into the house, then furtively checks the street. He makes to open the screen and grab the bag, but Backup growls as soon as his hand nears the door.
HARRISON: I'll need a day to get your necklace back.
VERONICA: Yeah, that's not gonna do it.
Both react to the sounds of a siren, Veronica's in mock-shock, Harrison's genuine.
HARRISON: What did you do? Veronica smiles, shrugs and pulls up from her shirt a small microphone. She goes Hispanic again.
VERONICA: Say hallo to my leettle friend. Harrison knows he is caught.
EXT - SISTERS OF MERCY HOSPITAL, SAN DIEGO - DAY.
An establishing shot of the hospital leads to...
INT - SISTERS OF MERCY HOSPITAL, SAN DIEGO - DAY.
Keith striding through the door. O'Dell is right behind him, pleading.
DEAN O'DELL: Keith, please. I'm begging you. Keith, for God's sake, just hear me out.
KEITH: I've been hearing you out since Mexico. I'm done, Cyrus. This game is over.
DEAN O'DELL: It's not a game. You need me to get on my knees, I'll get on my knees. You stop that operation, that's it. My son's dead. He's nine years old. You go up there, he dies.
KEITH: If I stay down here, I'm partly responsible for another dead man.
Having arrived at the elevators, Keith turns and faces the dean.
KEITH: The only way you and your wife get away with this is if Batando dies. Keith punches the button for the lift.
DEAN O'DELL: We're not gonna let Batando die. That's not the plan, I swear.
KEITH: Then you, your wife, and your wife's family members who helped are going to prison for a very long time.
DEAN O'DELL: And Jason will live. Small price to pay, don't you think? What would you do if it were Veronica?
This gets Keith's attention.
EXT - HARRISON RESIDENCE - DAY.
Lamb exits Harrison's house, #3028. Veronica is waiting.
VERONICA: Find my necklace?
LAMB: Nope.
Veronica sighs heavily.
LAMB: But we found a dozen other items, couple Rolexes, dozens of credit cards. These are the guys. Maybe the other one has your necklace. We have a car on the way over there right now. They both hear a vehicle pull up and look.
LAMB: Oh, look, someone tipped off the local news. That's my cue. Lamb walks past Veronica to talk to KSVU 9, but turns back to impart a few words of wisdom in Veronica's ear.
LAMB: Do you see how well this works when you play by the rules, Veronica? Veronica isn't interested, still stroking the place where the missing necklace should be. Music: "Busted" by Johnny Cash.
LYRICS: My bills are all due and the babies need shoes But I'm busted Cotton is down to a quarter a pound And I'm busted I got a cow that went dry and a hen that won't lay A big stack of bills that get bigger each day The county will haul my belongings away I'm busted The food that we canned last summer is gone And I'm busted The fields are all bare and the cotton won't grow Me and my family's gotta pack up and go Where I'll make a livin' the Lord only knows But I'm busted
Lamb carries on to the reporter and camera.
REPORTER: Hi, Sheriff Lamb. Can you comment on... Veronica turns and walks back to her car. She starts the engine but pauses when she sees a school bus arrive. She slowly puts on her seat belt, watching the bus. It drives away, having deposited the bratty little girl, who has stopped in front of her father. Harrison is in handcuffs, in the charge of three deputies. He's kneeling in the grass to talk to his daughter. They both look in Veronica's direction. The two male deputies take Harrison away. The brat starts walking towards and screaming at Veronica. Veronica watches her closely as she approaches the car.
BITCHY LITTLE GIRL: You think you're such a big deal, but you're so not. Veronica punches the button that rolls the window down.
BITCHY LITTLE GIRL: You did this. You set up my daddy, you stupid cow. Go back to Hearst where you belong. You come into this town and treat everyone like dirt. Veronica reaches out of the window, grabs the necklace the brat is wearing and rips it off. The girl gasps and puts her hands up to her throat. She examines it to confirm it is hers and without a glance at the brat, rolls up the window and drives away.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S ROOM - DAY.
Wallace opens the door to his room. His face falls, although he doesn't seem surprised to see the teaching assistant. He holds out an envelope.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LECTURE ROOM - DAY.
The teaching assistant leads Wallace into the lecture room where Winkler is waiting. Wallace walks to him slowly.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
The door to Weevil's cell is slid back. The deputy holds out a paper bag. Weevil grabs it and leaves.
INT - SISTERS OF MERCY HOSPITAL, SAN DIEGO - DAY.
Jason O'Dell lies in a hospital bed. He is on breathing equipment. Dean O'Dell and Mindy stand over him. O'Dell puts a comforting arm around Mindy.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
Lamb is in his office, going through papers. On screen appears the words "One Week Later." End music: "Busted" by Johnny Cash. Keith knocks on the door.
KEITH: Don? Lamb looks up and sees Keith come into his office, followed by Steve Batando.
KEITH: Meet Steve Batando. I believe you were looking for him. Lamb puts down the paper he is examining.
LAMB: [sceptical] You're Steven Batando? STEVE: I want to apologize for-for causing so much trouble. I mean, I had no idea people were looking for me. I just went, you know, camping for a week and-and didn't tell anybody, left my cell phone. I mean, I can't believe I caused all this fuss. It would be funny if it wasn't so, almost, I mean, you-you know- LAMB: Ridiculous? STEVE: Yeah. Lamb looks up at Keith who maintains his innocent look.
EXT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
Keith and Steve exit the Sheriff's department.
STEVE: You tell my ex-wife I own her now. No more talk of alimony, no more child support. We're beyond even.
KEITH: It's been made very clear in the documents you signed.
Steve stops at Mindy's Porsche.
STEVE: Nice ride, huh?
KEITH: Think of it as a Father's Day gift.
Batando climbs into the Porsche. Disapproving, Keith watches him drive away.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Veronica is at the same computer at which Danny sent her the information about the pizza order. Computer Lab Rules are attached to the back of it. On screen, Veronica pulls up her email. She has emails from Wallace (snickerdoodleme? :D), Keith (Paco's Tacos run for dinner? My treat), Mac (Re: Fwd: Truth in Conspiracy Theory), some junk "Invest Now" mail and a note to confirm her change of password. She gets a new email, from Camp Waterloo, the subject being the Waterloo alumni list. Veronica smiles in satisfaction.
EXT - NEPTUNE STREET - DAY.
Veronica and Logan are walking down the street. Backup is with them.
LOGAN: What makes you think this is the guy?
VERONICA: The fifth victim, Claire, was caught in an ATM photo the night she was raped, clearly already roofied, but still with her hair. She was with an Asian guy.
Veronica points to the house they are coming upon and they veer towards the front door.
LOGAN: So we're knocking on the doors of every Asian guy in San Diego?
VERONICA: This guy was wearing a Camp Waterloo shirt. I got a list of everyone who went to the camp in the past five years. There's only one Asian male in Southern California. This is his house.
Veronica knocks on the door. She glances over her shoulder at Logan.
VERONICA: Look tough.
LOGAN: Always.
The door is opened by a non-Asian youth in a baseball cap. He looks at her expectantly.
VERONICA: Hi, is Wang Yi here? BEN: Sorry, he's at class now. VERONICA: When will he be back? BEN: Why? Veronica holds out the ATM photo of Claire.
VERONICA: Because he raped this girl.
BEN: Claire? I doubt it.
VERONICA: You know her?
BEN: Yeah, she's Wang's girlfriend.
Veronica looks down at the photo and back at Ben, shocked. End. | Plan: A: Veronica; Q: Who suspects Weevil has been framed for the casino robbery? A: Mercer's Halloween party; Q: What party does Veronica attend? A: the campus casino; Q: Where is Mercer's Halloween party held? A: Logan; Q: Who arrives at the casino party before Veronica? A: past United States presidents; Q: What were the armed men wearing masks modeled after? A: Weevil; Q: Who is arrested for the casino robbery? A: the loot; Q: What was dumped and the guns were not real? A: Keith; Q: Who looks for the ex-husband of the Dean's wife as a possible bone marrow donor? A: her critically ill son; Q: Who does Keith need a bone marrow donor for? A: Claire; Q: Who was raped by a man that Veronica finds out is her boyfriend? A: her rape; Q: What crime did Claire commit that Veronica finds out about? A: her boyfriend; Q: Who was Claire with the night of her rape? Summary: Veronica attends Mercer's Halloween party at the campus casino, but before Logan arrives, the party is robbed by armed men wearing masks modeled after past United States presidents. Weevil is arrested for the crime, but Veronica suspects he has been framed when it is revealed that the loot was dumped and the guns were not real. Keith looks for the ex-husband of the Dean's wife as a possible bone marrow donor for her critically ill son. Veronica finds out that the man Claire was with the night of her rape is her boyfriend; however, she claims that she does not know him. |
Daylight. In a hallway of Sunnydale High, students are picking up graduation caps and gowns. Cordelia and Xander are signing for their gowns.
Cordelia: I can't believe this loser look. I lobbied so hard for the teal. No one ever listens to me. A lone fashionable wolf.
Xander: I like the Maroon. Has more dignity.
Cordelia: Dignity? You? In relation to clothes? I am awash in a sea of confusion.
Xander: I just want to look respectable in this, considering I'm probably gonna die in it.
Cordelia: Excuse me?
Xander: I'm telling you. I woke up the other day with this feeling in my gut. I just know there's no way I'm getting out of this school alive.
Cordelia: Wow, you've really mastered the power of positive giving-up.
Xander: I've been lucky too many times. My number's coming up. And I was short! One more rotation and I'm shipping state-side, you know what I mean?
Cordelia: Seldom if ever. They part. Cut to Willow and a guy standing at the foot of a stairwell, just after they sign each other's yearbooks. He leaves and Harmony walks down the stairs. All of Willow's lines are delivered with a compulsive smile.
Willow: Bye! We'll keep in touch!
Harmony: Willow, will you sign my yearbook?
Willow: Yeah. You have to sign mine too.
Harmony: You know, I really wish we woulda got to know each other better.
Willow: Me too.
Harmony: I mean, you're so smart. I always wanted to be like that.
Willow: Thanks. You're so sweet.
Harmony: I hope we won't lose touch.
Willow: No, we'll hang out.
Harmony: Bye!
Willow: Bye! Harmony leaves as Buffy walks down the stairs.
Willow: Oh, I'm gonna miss her.
Buffy: Don't you hate her?
Willow: (still smiling) Yes, with a fiery vengeance. She picked on me for ten years, the vacuous tramp. It's like a sickness, Buffy. I'm just missing everything. I miss P.E.
Buffy: I think it's contagious. The whole senior class has turned into the Sixties, or what I would have imagined the Sixties would have been like without the war and the hairy armpits.
Willow: You don't feel it?
Buffy: No, I don't. I guess I'll miss stuff, but I just don't get the whole graduation thing. I mean you get a piece of paper and nothing changes. I don't even think I'm gonna go.
Willow: (affectionately to soda machine) Old trusty soda machine. I push you for root beer, you give me coke. (frowning at Buffy) What do you mean, not go? Why not?
Buffy: Ascension. Mayor becoming a demon. Snacking up on populace. I was planning on fighting him.
Willow: You can't do both?
Xander: (sits at their table) Both what?
Buffy: Go to graduation and fight the Mayor.
Xander: The Mayor? What, you guys didn't hear?
Buffy: Hear what?
Xander: Guess who our commencement speaker is?
Willow: Siegfried?
Xander: No.
Willow: Roy?
Xander: No.
Willow: One of the tigers?
Xander: Come out of the fantasy, Will.
Buffy: I don't believe this.
Xander: Lends credence to my whole "I'm gonna die" theorem, doesn't it?
Buffy: The Mayor at graduation? A hundred helpless kids to feed on. Got any other surprises for us?
Cut to the inside of an apartment. Eccentric taste. A knock sounds at the door and a man goes to the door. He's balding, wears glasses, and sports a bow tie.
Professor: Just a moment!
Faith: Hi, I'm looking for Professor Wirth.
Professor: Oh, well, that's me, but I should ask you to come back during office hours. Students generally make an appointment
Faith: Uh, I'm not from the college. I work for Mayor Wilkins. I'm Faith.
Professor: Oh, well, come in, please. I was so surprised when he called. Didn't expect a politician to be interested in my research.
Faith: He's a big fan, professor.
Professor: Oh, Lester's fine.
Faith: We alone here, Lester?
Professor: Well, yes. Lifelong bachelor. I like my space.
Faith: I hear that. (produces a knife) You want to turn and face the wall, Lester.
Professor: What are you doing?
Faith: I'll make it quick.
Professor: Put that away. I'll scream.
Faith: Who wouldn't?
Professor: Please.
Faith: Sorry, friend, boss wants you dead.
Professor: Why?
Faith: (stabs him) You know, I never thought to ask. Opening credits.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In Faith's apartment. The Mayor is tidying up. Faith is not in the room.
Mayor: And everything went smoothly with Mr. Wirth?
Faith: Not if you're Mr. Wirth.
Mayor: (giggles) Well, that's swell. You know how I feel about loose ends. And the big day is so close, you can smell the excitement in the air. Say, are you ever coming out of there?
Faith: I don't know.
Mayor: Aw, come on. Faith enters, in a pink/white dress, barefoot.
Mayor: Wow, aren't you a vision?
Faith: I feel I look stupid in this.
Mayor: You look lovely. Perfect for the Ascension. Any boys that manage to survive will be lining up to ask you out.
Faith: It just isn't me, though.
Mayor: Not you? Let me tell you something. Nobody knows what you are. Not even you, little Miss Seen-it-all. The Ascension isn't just my day. It's yours too. Your day to blossom, to show the world what a powerful girl you are. I think of what you've done, what I know you will do (caresses her face) no father could be prouder.
Faith: I hope I don't let you down.
Mayor: Impossible. Now come on, change back into your street clothes. I'll buy you an icee. They share a smile.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daylight outside Sunnydale High. Willow parks her bike. Percy, the jock from Dopplegangland, greets her.
Percy: Hey, Rosenberg!
Willow: Hey, Percy.
Percy: Check it out, history final.
Willow: B-minus, that's great.
Percy: I'm a scholar. I'm like a scholar.
Willow: Congratulations.
Percy: Hey, listen. Thank you. I mean, for helping me. Being so patient. And also, for not kicking my ass like you did in the Bronze.
Willow: You know, Percy, that was actually... for your own good.
Percy: I know, I know.
Oz: (arrives) Hey.
Willow: Hey. (to Percy) History's important, you know.
Percy: No, I totally get that now. And I got the grades, I'm graduating tomorrow, can forget all this crap. (cheerfully, leaves)
Oz: On the bright side, after graduation, he may not have the chance to forget it all.
Willow: (unhappy) Uh-huh.
Oz: I was trying to keep things light.
Willow: But things aren't light. I mean, it's bad enough we have to fight the Mayor. I don't want him eating Percy and the whole class. We have to find a spell or something to stop the Ascension.
Oz: Then we will.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In a classroom. Class is in session. Xander tries to sneak in.
Teacher: Thank you for joining us, Mr. Harris. Xander gives him a double thumbs-up.
Teacher: Look, I realize that you've all finished your finals and you're ready to move on. But you haven't graduated yet. This is still a class and everyone will participate. Mr. Harris, would you care to begin.
Xander: Ummm... E.
Teacher: No. There's no E. Camera turns so that we can see that the chalkboard has the garrett of a game of Hangman drawn. The teacher draws in the head.
Teacher: They always go the the E. Next! Steven. Anya is sitting directly to Xander's right.
Anya: Hi.
Xander: Hey.
Anya: So, I was wondering, maybe if you were free this weekend, maybe we could do some entertaining thing.
Xander: Would that be along the lines of you telling me about all the men you destroyed back in your demon days? Cause pencil me in.
Anya: Well, we could do something else you like. We could watch sports of some kind.
Xander: Uh, I don't know.
Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it.
Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action move, they eat of the beef, and enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs and that's all you've learned?
Anya: I'm trying, okay? You don't need to take my head off.
Xander: I'm sorry. Look, I don't even know if I'm going to make it to the next weekend. I'll tell you what, I survive the Ascension and maybe you and I can do some sports related ... What? Anya has a horrified look on her face.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Giles and Wesley are fencing. Buffy stands to the side, holding up a newspaper headline: PROFESSOR FOUND MURDERED
Buffy: Faith.
Giles: You sure?
Buffy: One of her pieces. I recognize the brush work. Giles takes the paper and holds it in one hand, reading while parrying Wesley's light attacks.
Giles: Brutally stabbed. Mr. Wirth, visiting professor of geology. There's nothing in here that bellows motive.
Willow: Random killing, perhaps? Fit of rage? Everybody does seem to be going a bit mad, lately. Faith has something of a head start.
Buffy: Doesn't read. I think it's homework. Giles stops sparring.
Giles: The Mayor wanted the good professor out of the way.
Buffy: Which leads to the question, how come? I'm gonna destroy the entire city, but I take the time to kill harmless Lester first?
Giles: Tying up loose ends? Lester had something or knew something.
Buffy: Then I wanna know too. The Mayor's trying to hide. I say we go seek.
Wesley: Ah. By attempting to keep a valuable clue from us, the Mayor may have inadvertently led us right to it. (with a sword flourish)
Buffy: What page are you on, Wes, cause we already got there.
Wesley: Yes, well. You will go tonight. Look over his apartment. Anything of note, report back here.
Buffy: I just love it when you take charge, you man, you.
Wesley: Uh, we... was that a yes? I have trouble keeping track.
Buffy: I'll go.
Giles: Be careful. If Faith should show up...
Buffy: I don't think she'll show. Been there, killed that. She's not much for follow-up.
Giles: Nonetheless, keep watch. Faith has you at a disadvantage, Buffy.
Buffy: Cause I'm not crazy or cause I don't kill people?
Giles: Both, actually.
Buffy: I hear you. I can't kill her, fun as it may sound. I can make her cry uncle, though, and I mean to.
Wesley: Don't let your feelings about Faith interfere with your work.
Buffy: Stopping Faith is my work. Take a beat to love the synergy.
Willow: Faith is a footnote. Our priority is stopping the Ascension. Xander enters, pulling Anya by her arm.
Xander: Easier said than done, (malarkey? monkey?) boy.
Wesley: Xander, if you don't have something constructive to add?
Xander: You guys want to know about the Ascension? Well meet the only living person who's ever been to one.
Cut to an overhead shot. Same group gathered around the library table.
Anya: About eight hundred years ago in the Kastka Vallies above the Urals, there was a sorcerer there who achieved Ascension. Became the embodiment of the demon Lo-Hash. I was there cursing a shepherd who had been unfaithful. (merrily) His wife had wished that all his sheep would lie with...
Buffy: Can we get back to the chase?
Anya: Sorry. Lo-Hash was ... It-it decimated the village within hours. Maybe three people got out. I've seen some horrible things in my time. I've been the cause of most of them, actually, but this...
Wesley: Ahem, I'm sorry, but Lo-Hash was a four-winged soul killer, am I right? (Giles nods.) I was given to understand that they're not that fierce. Of all the demons that we've faced...
Anya: You've never seen a demon.
Buffy: (raises her hand) Uh, excuse me? Kind of professionally, four years running.
Anya: All the demons that walk the earth are tainted, are human hybrids like vampires. The Ascension means that a human becomes pure demon. They're different.
Giles: Different?
Buffy: How?
Anya: Well, for one thing, they're bigger.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daylight, outside. Chairs are being set set up in rows for the commencement address. Snyder is showing the Mayor the arrangements.
Snyder: Kids are here. Parents off to the side there. We'll go up, they'll play the processional, and they you'll give the address.
Mayor: It all looks wonderful.
Snyder: As long as nobody makes any trouble.
Mayor:: Oh, stop worrying. You just make sure the kids show up. Anybody who doesn't feel like coming to graduation, well, they'll just have to live without a diploma.
Snyder: They'll be here, sir.
Mayor: Call me Richard. You've done a great job here. I know things are, well, different here in Sunnydale. We've both seen all sorts of things. What's important is that we keep it under control, and that's what you've done.
Snyder: I believe in order.
Mayor: Sunnydale owes you a debt. It will be repaid. Yessir, we'll mark that invoice paid in full. The Mayor walks away. Snyder watches him with a worried expression.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the library. Anya et al. are continuing their discussion. Willow and Oz enter.
Anya: It doesn't sound like Lo-Hash. The rituals are all different.
Giles: I wish that was a relief.
Oz: What's going on?
Willow: How come evil girl's in the mix?
Giles: Anya witnessed an Ascension.
Willow: Oh, okay then.
Buffy: What about the spiders? The Mayor had a box of spiders that he had to eat. The Box of... I want to say Grav-Locks?
Giles: Gavrock.
Anya: It doesn't ring a bell.
Buffy: Well, there must be something that you can remember that would be helpful. The Mayor enters, alone. The group pulls back, Willow pulling Oz back. Buffy slips the newspaper (PROFESSOR FOUND MURDERED) out of sight.
Mayor: So, this is the inner sanctum. Faith tells me this is where you folks like to hang out, concoct your little schemes. I tell you, it's just nice to see that some young people are still interested in reading in this modern era. So, what are kids reading nowadays? The Mayor walks to the table and picks up a book. Giles stands his ground and doesn't flinch at the proximity.
Mayor: "The beast will walk upon the earth and darkness will follow. The several races of man will be as one in their terror and destruction." Aw, that's kind of sweet. Different races coming together.
Buffy: You never get even a little tired of hearing yourself speak, do you?
Mayor: (chuckles, to Giles) That's one spunky little girl you've raised. I'm gonna eat her. Giles grabs Wesley's sword from the table and thrusts it through the Mayor's chest. The Mayor staggers back but regains his balance.
Mayor: Whoa! Well now, that was a little thoughtless. (pulls the sword out of his chest) Violent outbursts like that, in front of the children? You know, Mr. Giles, they look to you to see how to behave.
Buffy: Get out. The Mayor takes a handkerchief and slowly wipes the blood from the sword.
Mayor: I smell fear. That's smart. Some of your deaths will be quick, if that's worth anything. Well, see you all at graduation. (tosses the sword back to Giles) You don't want to miss my commencement address. It's going to be one heck of a speech.
Fade to commercial.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In a hallway, not really crowded, but with plenty of students. Xander runs after Anya.
Xander: Anya, wait! Where you going?
Anya: Anywhere. If there's a lunar shuttle going up anytime soon, I'm on it.
Xander: We need you here. You might be able to help.
Anya: Or I might be able to live. You can't stop the Ascension, Xander. You were right the first time. The only thing any sane person can do now is run. (she leaves) Anya leaves, passing Cordelia.
Cordelia: What's her saga?
Xander: She's freaking.
Cordelia: About what?
Xander: The Mayor is going to kill us all during graduation.
Cordelia: Oh. Are you going to go to fifth period?
Xander: I'm thinking I might skip it.
Cordelia: Me too.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daylight. Inside the Summers house. Buffy is packing.
Joyce: Buffy, I'm home. Do you wanna go to, uh, ...? What are you doing? You're running away again? And you're taking my clothes.
Buffy: Mom, I need you to leave town. Tonight.
Joyce: Buffy, I'd miss your graduation.
Buffy: Yeah, that's sort of the idea.
Joyce: There's no way. I wouldn't dream...
Buffy: Mom, graduation is a pointless ceremony where you sit around and listen to a bunch of boring speeches until someone hands you a piece of paper that says you graduated which you already know and maroon does nothing for my complection, so don't argue, okay?
Joyce: (sarcastic) What, is some terrible demon going to attack the school. (Buffy glares, keeps packing) Oh, I see. Oh, you know, Buffy, looking back on everything that's happened, maybe I should have sent you to a different school.
Buffy: Just promise me that you'll be far away from here.
Joyce: I'm not leaving you to face an awful monster. If I go anywhere, you're going with me.
Buffy: You know that I can't.
Joyce: Well then I can't either.
Buffy: Mom, I know that sometimes you wish I were different.
Joyce: Buffy, no.
Buffy: I wish I could be a lot of things for you. A great student, a star athlete, remotely normal. I'm not. But there is something I do that I can do better than anybody else in the world. I'm gonna fight this thing, but I can't do it and worry about you.
Joyce: Buffy, you just can't ...
Buffy: You stay, you'll get me killed. You'll have to trust me on this. Can you do that?
[SCENE_BREAK]
In Willow's room. Amy-rat is nibbling something in her cage. Oz is typing on the computer. Willow is laying on the bed, reading.
Willow: Oh, this is so frustrating.
Oz: Nothing useful?
Willow: No, it's great. If we want to make ferns invisible, or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here.
Oz: Our lives are different than other peoples'.
Willow: Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not going to find a spell to stop the Ascension. I'm no witch. I can't even change poor Amy back to a person.
Oz: But you got the swinging Habitrail going. I think Amy is in a good place emotionally.
Willow: Oz.
Oz: What?
Willow: Could you just pretend to care about what's happening? Please?
Oz: You think I don't care?
Willow: I think we could be dead in two days time and you're being ironic detachment guy.
Oz: Would it help if I panic?
Willow: (babbling) Yes, it would be swell. Panic is a thing people can share in times of crisis. And everything's really scary now, you know, and I don't know what's gonna happen. And there's all sorts of things that you're supposed to get to do after high school, and I was really looking forward to doing them, and now we're probably just gonna die and I would like to feel that maybe you would ... Oz leans forward and kisses her, slowly.
Willow: What are you doing?
Oz: Panicking. More kissing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In Professor Wirth's apartment. Buffy is collecting papers and books and putting them in a file box. Angel appears at the front door (it's open) and stumbles over the door jamb.
Angel: Ow.
Buffy: Stealthy.
Angel: Not my best entrance. I think they were mopping in the halls.
Buffy: What are you doing here?
Angel: I checked in with Giles. He asked me to back you up.
Buffy: He's afraid I'll run into Faith.
Angel: And you're not?
Buffy: It's gonna happen sooner or later.
Angel: What's that?
Buffy: A report. Excavation of some old lava bed. Guy was a volcano-ologist or something.
Angel: Anything in there that connects him to the Mayor?
Buffy: I looked through it, but the only thing I understood were the commas. Gonna bring it to Giles, see if he can do better. (picks up the file box)
Angel: Let me give you a hand. Angel takes the box. They leave the apartment. Cut to outside as they leave the building.
Buffy: You know what? Thank you, but I can take it from here.
Angel: It's alright. I'll walk you there.
Buffy: Look, I don't need an escort. I'm a big girl. Superpowers, remember? I don't need you crowding me.
Angel: I didn't think I was.
Buffy: No, of course you don't. You just show up at the prom and then you disappear into the ozone. For all I know, you left town.
Angel: Are you mad at me for being around too much or for not being around enough?
Buffy: Duh. Yes.
Angel: Which?
Buffy: What?
Angel: I don't get you.
Buffy: No, you don't, not anymore.
Angel: Are you just making this harder to make this easier on yourself?
Buffy: Could we stop with the brain-teasers? I just wish it was over, done.
Angel: It's not that simple. I mean, once the Mayor ...
Buffy: I know, world in peril and we have to work together. This is my last office romance, I'll tell you that.
Angel: I'll get out of your face. He drops the box at her feet and turns away.
Buffy: Isn't it even a little hard for you?
Angel: How can you ask me that? Just because I'm not acting like a brat doesn't mean I don't feel...
Buffy: It's nice to know what you thing of me!
Angel: What do you expect me to say when you just attack?
Buffy: I just can't do this anymore. I can't have you in my life when I'm trying to move on. The sound of an arrow striking. The arrow was fired above and behind Angel, and has passed through his back so the point sticks out the front of his jacket. He falls and Buffy catches him.
Buffy: Angel! Behind a neon sign atop a nearby building, Faith and a vampire look down at the couple.
Vampire: Missed the heart.
Faith: Meant to.
Fade to commercial.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the library. Angel sits in a chair. Giles cuts the arrow shaft where it enters Angel's back.
Giles: There.
Buffy: Okay, ready? (grasps the arrow's point)
Angel: Yeah.
Buffy: On three. One. (pulls the arrow out)
Angel: I knew you were going to do that.
Giles: Not too much blood here.
Angel: I heal pretty fast. I should be alright.
Buffy: (while swabbing the exit wound) I'm just glad Faith's such a suck shot.
Giles: You sure it was her?
Buffy: Well, I've narrowed down my list of one suspect. Buffy and Giles continue bandaging Angel. Wesley is sitting at the table, reading.
Wesley: Fascinating.
Giles: What?
Wesley: It seems our Mr. Wirth headed an expedition in Hawaii, digging in old lava beds near a dormant volcano.
Buffy: I'm not fascinated yet.
Wesley: He found something underneath. A carcass, buried by an eruption.
Giles: A carcass?
Wesley: A very large one. Mr. Wirth posits that it might be some heretofore undiscovered dinosaur.
Angel: A demon?
Giles: Yes, that would be something that the Mayor would want to keep a secret. If it's the same kind of demon he's turning into and it's dead, it means that, well, he's only impervious to harm until the Ascension. In his demon form, he can be killed.
Buffy: Great. So all we need is a million tons of burning lava. We're saved.
Angel: Well, it's a start, anyway.
Buffy: Okay, you've been a real klutz today. You need ...
Angel: Damn. Angel falls to the floor, unconscious. Cut to Giles sniffing the arrow's point.
Giles: We'll have to run some tests.
Angel: (unintelligible?)
Buffy: You're burning up.
Angel: It's poison. I can feel it.
Giles: Call the others. Get them here. We need to move him to the safety of his own bed before the sun comes up.
Buffy: Will you be able to find out what this is?
Wesley: The Council has all the known toxins on file, mystical or otherwise. I'll contact them immediately.
Buffy: Thanks. (to Angel) You're going to be okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Willow's bedroom. Clothes are scattered on the floor and draped over Amy-rat's cage. Willow and Oz cuddle in the bed. Oz strokes Willow's hair.
Willow: I feel different, you know. I-I guess that makes sense. Do you feel different. Oh, no, you've already, probably, no big change for you. It was nice. Was it nice? Should this be a quiet moment?
Oz: I know exactly what you mean.
Willow: Which part?
Oz: Everything from 'it's different'. They kiss. The phone rings, Willow answers.
Willow: Hello. (listens, hangs up) We've gotta go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the Mayor's office. He places the Box of Gavrock on his desk as Faith enters.
Faith: He's dropped, boss.
Mayor: Applause, applause.
Faith: Right in the back. He pitches over and Buffy's freaking, looking around, all panicked. It's a good time.
Mayor: Well, that should keep her occupied for a spell.
Faith: What next?
Mayor: The Ritual of Gavrock. I have to ingest several of the inhabitants of this box.
Faith: Ingest?
Mayor: Eat.
Faith: You're wicked gross.
Mayor: (chuckles) Well, you don't have to watch. Just, you know, go home, take it easy. It's a big day tomorrow.
Faith: You gotta give me something to do. There's no way I'm sleeping. Don't you need anyone dead? Or maimed? I can settle for maimed.
Mayor: (chuckles) You little firecracker.
Faith: My mom used to call me that when I was little. I was always running around. She falls silent. The Mayor observes her with a look of concern.
Faith: Tomorrow, at the Ascension and all that, am I going to get to fight?
Mayor: If everything goes smoothly, you won't have to. But how often do things go smoothly?
Faith: So you'll still need me in there.
Mayor: Always.
Faith: When I was a kid, a couple of miles outside of Boston there was this quarry. And all the kids used to swim there and jump off the rocks. And there was this one rock like forty feet up. I was the only one that would jump off it. All the older kids were too scared.
Mayor: Not you though.
Faith: Naah. I could do it easy.
Mayor: Get some rest.
Faith: Good luck with your spiders there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Oz, Willow, and Xander are gathered in a Sunnydale High chemistry lab. Oz is peering through a microscope. Willow tears a page out of a notebook and hands it to Xander.
Willow: They should have all this at the magic shop. I can run a trace analysis, see if it's a mystical poison.
Xander: I'm a little short on cash.
Willow: Just tell them it's for me.
Xander: Right.
Cut to Xander walking in a darkened school hallway. Anya meets him.
Anya: Xander.
Xander: What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Aruba by now.
Anya: Hey, I'm packed. My car's right outside. I-I just, um, I-I had to, uh...
Xander: What?
Anya: You could come with me.
Xander: Come with you? You mean that?
Anya: Why not? We could just get in the car and drive. No one would miss us. We could take turns driving. Keep each other awake. You're going to die if you stay here.
Xander: I guess I might.
Anya: When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit.
Xander: Welcome to the world of romance.
Anya: It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work.
Xander: Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings.
Anya: Come with me.
Xander: I can't.
Anya: Why not?
Xander: I got friends on the line.
Anya: So?
Xander: That humanity thing's still a work in progress, isn't it?
Anya: Are you really going to be that much help to them? I mean, you'll probably just get in the way.
Xander: Your stock is plummeting here, sweetheart.
Anya: Fine! You know what? I hope you die. Xander walks past her.
Anya: Aren't we gonna kiss?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inside Angel's mansion. Angel lies in bed, sweating. Buffy holds his hand, soothes him with a cool, wet rag.
Buffy: It'll be okay. You'll be okay. She hears a door opening and goes to the living room. Wesley enters, looking upset.
Giles: Did you reach the council?
Wesley: Yes. They, they couldn't help.
Buffy: Couldn't?
Wesley: Wouldn't. It's not Council policy to cure vampires.
Giles: Did you explain that these were special circumstances?
Wesley: Not under any circumstances, and yes, I did try to convince them.
Buffy: Try again.
Wesley: Buffy, they're very firm. We're talking about laws that have existed longer than civilization.
Buffy: I'm talking about watching my lover die. I don't have a clue what you're talking about and I don't care.
Giles: Buffy, we'll find a cure.
Wesley: The Council's orders are to concentrate on ...
Buffy: Orders? I don't think I'm gonna be taking any more orders. Not from you, not from them.
Wesley: You can't turn your back on the Council.
Buffy: They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing.
Wesley: Giles, talk to her.
Giles: (while walking to Buffy's side) I've nothing to say right now.
Buffy: Wesley, go back to your Council and tell them, until the next Slayer comes along, they can close up shop. I'm not working for them anymore.
Wesley: Don't you see what's happening? Faith poisoned Angel to distract you, to keep you out of the Mayor's way, and it's working. You need a strategy.
Buffy: I have a strategy. You're not in it.
Wesley: This is mutiny.
Buffy: (long pause) I like to think of it as graduation. Giles, I can't stay here any longer. I'm gonna see if I can help the others.
Giles: Of course.
Buffy: You'll watch him?
Giles: I'll call if there's any change.
Wesley: Buffy, you don't know what you're doing.
Buffy: Get a job. (marches off)
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the chemistry lab: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Oz.
Willow: Finding the poison wasn't that hard. It's a mystical compound. The latin name translates roughly to Killer of the Dead. Used on vampires.
Buffy: And the cure?
Willow: There aren't a lot of instances of it being cured.
Buffy: But there are some?
Willow: One or two. Pretty vague accounts. How is he?
Oz: (reading) Hold it.
Xander: You got something?
Oz: I'm not sure.Buffy: Be sure.
Oz: Okay. Killer of the Dead. That's our boy, and here's a vamp that walked away from it.
Willow: Does it talk about the cure?
Oz: Damn.
Buffy: Nothing?
Oz: No, it's in here, but...
Willow: (reading over his shoulder) Wait, completely reversed the effects. Oh.
Buffy: What?
Xander: Come on guys, the suspense is killing Angel.
Oz: The only way to cure this thing is to drain the blood of a Slayer.
Buffy: (long pause) Good.
Xander: Good? What did I miss?
Buffy: No, it's perfect. Angel needs to drain a Slayer, then I'll bring him one.
Willow: Buffy, if Angel drains Faith's blood, it'll kill her.
Buffy: Not if she's already dead.
Fade to commercial.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Willow and Oz at a computer terminal.
Oz: Leasing agreement. It should be recent. It won't be in her name but if the Mayor's putting her up, it might be in his.
Willow: Maybe he's charging it to the city?
Oz: Right, cross-reference Realty with Municipal Funds.
Willow: You wanna drive? (smiles)
Oz: Sorry. Oz caresses her hair and Willow loses her typing rhythm for a moment.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the library, Buffy and Xander are heading to the book cage.
Buffy: Someone should take over for Giles after a while. Watch Angel.
Xander: I don't mean to play devil's advocate here, but are you sure you're up to this?
Buffy: It's time.
Xander: We're talking to the death.
Buffy: I can't play kid games anymore. This is how she wants it.
Xander: I just don't want to lose you.
Buffy: I won't get hurt. (reaches into a weapons cabinet)
Xander: That's not what I mean.
Buffy: Just get me an address. They stare at each other for a moment, then Xander leaves. Buffy is holding Faith's fancy knife.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Quick fades between scenes: Faith working out on a punching bag. Buffy washing her face and staring at herself in a mirror. Angel's delirium. Faith ending her workout. Buffy walking away from the mirror. Willow at her computer terminal.
Willow: I got it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In Faith's apartment. She reads a comic book while music blares.
Cut to show Buffy behind her, across the room. Buffy turns off the stereo.
Buffy: Thought I'd stop by.
Faith: Is he dead yet?
Buffy: He's not gonna die. It was a good try, though. Your plan?
Faith: Uh-huh. The Mayor got me the poison. Said it was wicked painful.
Buffy: There's a cure.
Faith: Damn. What is it?
Buffy: Your blood. As justice goes, it's not un-poetic, don't you think?
Faith: Come to get me? You gonna feed me to Angel? You know you're not going to take me alive.
Buffy: Not a problem.
Faith: Well, look at you. All dressed up in big sister's clothes.
Buffy: You told me I was just like you. That I was holding it in. They approach until they're standing face to face.
Faith: Ready to cut loose?
Buffy: Try me.
Faith: Okay then. Give us a kiss. Buffy punches her in the jaw. They fight for a while.
Faith: Not getting tired are you? I'm just startihg to feel it. They fight some more. They fall together through a window, landing on a terrace. While Faith is recovering from the fall, Buffy handcuffs Faith's right wrist to Buffy's right wrist. The fight continues.
Buffy: Stick around.
Cut to Angel's bed. Oz and Willow watch him.
Angel: Buffy:
Cut to the library.
Giles: Right. Right. (heads for a bookshelf)
Xander: Something about the demon?
Giles: The local villagers near the volcano site made reference to the legend of Ollokai. Might be a bastardization of Olvikan.
Xander: Who's Olvikan?
Giles: I know it's a demon, a very old one. Might have a picture.
Xander: Boy, it's a good thing no one ever wanted to check any of these books out, hunh?
Giles: Yes, very convenient. (flipping pages)
Xander: Come on Olvikan. Hey. Giles stops flipping pages. Xander unfolds a page, twice (like a centerfold).
Xander: We're going to need a bigger boat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the Mayor's office. On of the Gavrok bugs is pinned, unmoving, to his desk with a knife. The camera pans up to show two of the legs sticking out of the Mayor's mouth. He chews and swallows. A vampire looks on uncertainly.
Mayor: Mmm. My god, what a feeling. The power of these creatures. It suffuses my being. I can feel the changes begin. My organs are shifting, changing, making ready for the Ascension. Plus these babies are high in fiber. And what's the fun in becoming an immortal demon if you're not regular, am I right? A second vampire bursts into the room.
Mayor: We don't knock during dark rituals?
Vampire #2: Sir, there may be trouble. At Faith's.
[SCENE_BREAK]
On the terrace at Faith's building, the fight continues.
Buffy: What's the matter? All that killing, you afraid to die? Faith spins Buffy so she can get the leverage to use her legs and manages to snap the handcuff chain. They face off. Faith holds a length of pipe. Buffy pulls out Faith's knife.
Faith: That's mine.
Buffy: You're about to get it back. They exchange blows, Faith dodging the knife. They move to the edge of the terrace and Faith holds Buffy at the edge.
Faith: Man, I'm going to miss this. Buffy breaks Faith's grip and plunges the knife into Faith's abdomen. Both of them looked stunned for a moment.
Faith: (weakly, but smiling) You did it. Faith throws Buffy away from her.
Faith: You killed me. Faith climbs onto the low wall at the edge of the terrace and looks down.
Faith: Still won't help your boy,though. Shoulda been there, B, quite a ride. Faith falls backward off the wall and lands in the bed of a moving truck. Buffy scrambles to the wall and sees Faiths body, unmoving, ride away.
End credits: "To Be Continued" | Plan: A: the Mayor; Q: Who is preparing for his Ascension? A: Faith; Q: Who shoots Angel with a poisoned arrow? A: " loose ends; Q: What does Faith tie up? A: Buffy; Q: Who must battle Faith to save Angel's life? A: her Slayer blood; Q: What does Buffy need to save Angel? Summary: While the Mayor prepares for his Ascension, Faith goes around "tying up" loose ends, one of those being Angel. Faith shoots Angel with a poisoned arrow , and Buffy must battle Faith to save Angel's life, needing her Slayer blood as antidote. |
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - MGM GRAND -- NIGHT]
(Lightning flashes; thunder crashes.)
Man: (V.O.) I saw you with him. I know you're lying.
Woman: (V.O.) (screaming) You've got it all wrong. I'm telling you. Nothing happened.
(Quick flash to: The MAN wraps the belt around the woman's neck and chokes her.)
Man: Nobody cheats on me.
(The WOMAN continues to scream and yell.)
Man: I hate you. How could you do this to me?
(The MAN chokes the WOMAN. She struggles.)
Lizette: (V.O.) His fingerprints were all over that belt.
[INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY]
Lizette: That's the only way it could have happened.
Bob Durham: I'm with Lizette, all right? We heard from the D.A. They called the cops last week on a domestic disturbance.
Davis: Kimble was just getting warmed up. Believe me. I know the type.
Brown-haired Juror: Husband was a casino host. Just happens to come home in the middle of a shift? Come on.
Jervis: Oh, look, we've really talked this thing to death, haven't we?
Tara Newsome: (stilted) Chris, can we please put this to another vote?
(CHRIS looks around the table at the faces of the other anxious jurors. After a long pause, he comments.)
Chris Gibbons: The burden of proof is beyond a reasonable doubt.
(Everyone lets out a frustrated breath.)
Chris Gibbons: We don't have that. There was somebody else in the house that day. The cable guy.
(Quick flashback to: The CABLE GUY is choking MRS. KIMBLE when MR. KIMBLE comes in and breaks it up.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Chris Gibbons: Cable guy's got priors. He skipped town.
Bob Durham: You're still on the cable guy theory? His fingerprints weren't even on the belt.
(JERVIS bites his nails nervously.)
Chris Gibbons: He could have worn gloves.
Jervis: (frustrated) I can't take this anymore!
(JERVIS stands up and goes to the window. He opens it.)
Jervis: Who keeps shutting this damn window?
Lizette: Lunch will be here soon. Let's take a break.
(Everyone stands up.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[HALLWAY NEAR VENDING MACHINES]
(JERVIS stands at the vending machine with the DARK-HAIRED WOMAN.)
Jervis: This guy is driving me nuts.
(On the other side of the hallway, BOB DURHAM talks with DAVIS.
Bob Durham: We've got to get Chris Gibbons replaced.
Davis: Oh, I pointed him in the right direction, but he didn't snap. (TARA NEWSOME walks up to the JERVIS:
Tara Newsome: I'd kill for a candy bar right now.
(The BAILIFF walks out into the hallway to make an announcement.)
Officer: Hey, people. Your lunch is getting cold.
(Everyone heads back into the conference room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(The jurors open the double doors to the conference room and the group walks inside. They're preoccupied chatting with each other. Suddenly they stop and notice CHRIS GIBBONS lying on the floor dead.)
WHITE FLASH TO:
[INT. CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY]
(GRISSOM ducks under the crime scene tape barring the doorway. He walks into the conference room carrying his kit. He meets BRASS who is standing over the body.)
Brass: Chris Gibbons, UNLV grad student. The jury's been sequestered two and a half weeks on a murder trial.
Grissom: Twelve strangers ... stuck in a room with no exit. It's like Sartre said: "Hell is other people."
FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COURTHOUSE -- DAY]
[CAMERA VIEW]
(The camera flashes on a close up of the cut on CHRIS GIBBON'S forehead.)
(White flash to:
[INT. COURTHOUSE - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY]
(GRISSOM stands over the body taking pictures. BRASS walks up to him.)
Brass: What do you got?
Grissom: My early opinion? Blunt force.
(Quick flashback to: CHRIS GIBBONS sits at the conference table. Someone walks up to him, grabs his head and slams it against the table. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(They both kneel down to look over the body. GRISSOM notices the bracelet.)
Grissom: He's got a, uh, medical alert bracelet. Allergy to penicillin.
Brass: Well ... we got eleven potential suspects.
(GRISSOM finds a strand of hair on the victim's shirt. He picks it up with a tweezer.)
(Camera zooms in for a close up of the hair.)
Grissom: Do you have one with blond hair?
Brass: Yeah. There's one I know of. Um, Miss Davis -- she's a stripper at The Shimmer.
(GRISSOM looks at the hair and notices that it doesn't have a tag.)
Grissom: There's no tag cells, and she's not a natural blonde, and it looks synthetic.
(BRASS stands over by the counter looking through the slips of paper.)
Brass: Hey, this is Vegas, baby.
(GRISSOM looks at BRASS.)
Brass: (reading) Guilty. Guilty. "Not Guilty." Eleven "guilty," one "not guilty." Now that's motive.
(BRASS turns to GRISSOM and holds up the slips of paper.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COURTHOUSE - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(The jurors stand out in the hallway talking amongst themselves. CATHERINE walks up to them.)
Catherine: (loudly) Excuse me. May I have your...?
(The crowd doesn't notice CATHERINE and continues conversing.)
Catherine: (louder) Excuse me. May I have your attention, please?
(The crowd slowly quiets down.)
Catherine: Thank you. I'm Catherine Willows. I'm from the crime lab.
(The BROWN-HAIRED JUROR gets to his feet.)
Brown-haired Juror: So it's a mistrial, right?
Tara Newsome: Can we go home?
Catherine: No. I'm sorry. No one is going anywhere. Ms. Davis. I'll start with you. Will you follow me, please?
(CATHERINE turns and leads MS. DAVIS off to another room. Conversation resumes with the other jurors.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COURTHOUSE - ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE interviews MS. DAVIS.)
Catherine: Miss Davis, we found a synthetic blond hair on the victim's body. Care to explain?
(MS. DAVIS removes her wig.)
Davis: Girl to girl. I'm a dancer. I came off the pole. I teased him a little bit.
(Quick flashback to: CHRIS GIBBONS stands in front of the vending machines. MS. DAVIS approaches him and leans her back against the machines, looking at CHRIS.)
Davis: I need a release, so why don't you get us out of here, and I'll ...
(She moves closer to him, her arms around his neck and whispers into his ear.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Did he take you up on your offer?
Davis: Well, if you ask me, arguing was his turn-on.
Catherine: Lucky for you. Attempting to influence is a category D Felony. It's up to four years in prison and a $5,000 fine.
Davis: Am I under arrest?
Catherine: Woman to woman? The pole is there for a reason. It's what you hang on to so the creeps don't pull you out of there. Smarten up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(NICK is at the front counter signing some papers.)
Nick: Thanks, man.
(He finishes and heads out when DETECTIVE VARTANN rounds the corner and finds him.)
Det. Vartann: Stokes.
Nick: Detective. Hey.
Det. Vartann: Hey. You've got a minute?
(They shake hands.)
Nick: Yeah. Sure, what's up?
Det. Vartann: Four years ago, you and Grissom worked a missing persons out in Moapa Valley? She lived on a farm with her husband?
Nick: Wow. Um ... (trying to remember) ... yeah, I remember uh-uh, Rita?
Det. Vartann: Rita Westonson.
Nick: Found nothing suspicious. Nothing criminal. Figured she wanted to skip town, disappear.
Det. Vartann: Rita's sister is in interrogation. She's claiming Rita was murdered.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(NICK and DET. VARTANN interview FAYE MINDEN.)
Nick: Faye, it's been four years since your sister went missing. Now, CSI conducted a full investigation -- found nothing suspicious, nothing criminal. Why are you coming forward now?
Faye Minden: I lied to you back then, and I live with the guilt every day.
Det. Vartann: Miss Minden? It's my duty to advise you of your right to counsel.
Faye Minden: I don't want an attorney. I admit I withheld information. That's why I'm here. And if I have to go to jail, so be it. I just want to do right by my sister.
Nick: Okay. Let's start from the beginning. Your sister disappeared over a weekend ...
Faye Minden: Rita didn't disappear. Her business trip to Fresno got cut short, and she came home early.
(Quick flashback to: The barn door opens and RITA WESTONSON sees her husband AARON with another woman.)
Faye Minden: (V.O.) And she found Aaron, her husband, in the barn with another woman.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Faye Minden: Rita freaked out and started screaming and saying she was going to leave him. Aaron saw red and lost it.
(Quick flashback to: RITA is hit and she falls to the ground. AARON stands over her.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nick: Now if memory serves, her husband had an alibi?
Faye Minden: Yeah. He was camping in red rock with Harris Mathey.
Nick: That's his business partner, right?
Faye Minden: Yeah, but Harris owed Aaron a lot of money. He would have said anything.
Det. Vartann: If that's true, Mr. Mathey is guilty of conspiracy after the fact.
Faye Minden: He died last month. And he's the only one who knew, besides me.
Nick: Do you know what Aaron did with Rita's body?
(She looks at NICK and nods.)
(Quick flashback to: AARON carries RITA'S body and puts it in a barrel. He slides the barrel to the back of his truck and fills the barrel up with gas.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Faye Minden: He drove her out to the river, about a half mile from his farm, and, um, set her on fire. She burned all night, and then in the morning, he dumped her ashes in the water.
Det. Vartann: Miss Minden ... how did you come across this information?
(She looks at them both.)
Nick: You were the other woman.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COURTHOUSE (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. COURTHOUSE - CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY]
(Camera opens on a close up of a blood-stained window handle. WARRICK swabs the blood and tests it. SARA'S also in the room and she's writing on a clipboard.)
Warrick: Hey, Sara. Any jurors have blood on their hands?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COURTHOUSE - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(CATHERINE interviews MR. JERVIS as he bites his nails.)
Catherine: Mr. Jervis. Why are your fingers bloodied?
Jervis: You ever been on a jury before?
(Quick flashback to: The jury sits around the table.)
Lizette: How many grad students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Jervis: I can't take this anymore!
(JERVIS surges to his feet and heads for the window to open it. He uses his hand, the one that he's been biting, and opens the window leaving a smudge of blood on the opener.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Jervis: It's the worst experience of my life.
Catherine: Would you hold your hands up for me, please?
(CATHERINE walks over to him as he holds out his hands over the table, palms down.)
Jervis: The case was a lock anyway. I mean, Kimble obviously had...
Catherine: Mr. Jervis. I need to remind you that you're still under judge's orders not to discuss the case.
(CATHERINE puts on her gloves.)
Jervis: That's great. This guy's dead, and I still can't go home? Let me tell you something.
(CATHERINE swabs JERVIS' bloodied fingertips.)
Jervis: From the very beginning, day one day after day, this guy is the only holdout. Do you want to know what my boss calls me? "Mr. Replaceable".
(Quick flashback to: The jury argues around the table while CHRIS GIBBONS sits at the head smiling, watching yet not participating . JERVIS sits next to him and finally blows up. He grabs CHRIS GIBBONS by the arms.)
Jervis: (V.O.) (yelling) I had to get back to work.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Jervis: I lost my temper.
Catherine: You sure it's lost?
(JERVIS looks at CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
(NICK takes out the photos from the closed case box and goes through them. GRISSOM walks past the evidence room and finds NICK looking over the file. He walks into the room.)
Grissom: Homicide just called. They're reopening the Rita Westonson case based on new information from the eyewitness?
Nick: File's thinner than I remembered.
Grissom: You think we missed something?
Nick: We figured she skipped town, wanting to disappear. At the time, that was a reasonable conclusion based on the evidence.
Grissom: Does the witness seem credible to you?
Nick: Well, if she's lying, she's obstructing justice and wasting my time, but if she's telling the truth, we may have closed the investigation early.
Grissom: At the time, you were a level two, I believe. So closing the case would have been my decision.
Nick: Yeah, it would have. I'm checking out her story. I'll see if it holds up.
Grissom: Let me know.
Nick: Mm-hmm.
(GRISSOM walks out of the lab.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(ROBBINS goes over CHRIS GIBBONS' body with SARA.)
Robbins: Blunt-force trauma didn't kill him. But this might have.
(He points to the hives covering CHRIS GIBBONS' chest.)
Sara: Hives? Whoo. Severe allergic reaction.
Robbins: Cause of death: Anaphylactic shock. Outer skin becomes irritated, the eyes inflamed, throat closes ...
(Quick CGI POV of the throat as the camera pulls back. The walls in the throat constrict and the person gasps. Camera pulls back out through the mouth. End of CGI POV. Resume to flashback of CHRIS GIBBONS standing in the conference room choking.)
(CHRIS falls and hits his head against the table.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: He was allergic to penicillin, but that's not the kind of thing you can just easily slip someone.
Robbins: No, but you can inject it.
(ROBBINS moves further down the body and lifts up the sheet to show SARA the puncture wound in CHRIS GIBBONS' thigh.)
(Camera zooms in for a close up of the puncture wound.)
Robbins: Puncture wound is consistent with a hypodermic needle.
Sara: He wore a medic alert bracelet. Everyone hated him, and everyone knew how to kill him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. MOAPA VALLEY -- DAY]
[EXT. WOODS NEAR RIVER - DAY]
(FAYE MINDEN shows NICK and DET. VARTANN where the body was burned.)
Faye Minden: Haven't been back here since that night. Sometimes it feels like yesterday; sometimes it feels like it never happened. Funny, the things you remember.
(She looks around and continues walking. NICK eyes her strangely. She comes to an area and slows as she takes in the place.)
Faye Minden: Who could've imagined?
(She sighs.)
Faye Minden: This is it. This is the spot under the tree.
(DET. VARTANN points.)
Det. Vartann: You sure?
Faye Minden: Yes. This is where Aaron burned her body.
(Quick flashback to: [NIGHT] AARON lights a match over the barrel as FAYE watches. Inside the barrel is RITA'S body in gasoline, her dead eyes wide open and staring at nothing. He tosses the match in and watches it burn.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Faye Minden: I remember the ... yucca plant was flowering.
(DET. VARTANN turns around to look at the plant. NICK steps forward to look at the burn spot.)
Nick: Right here?
Faye Minden: Yes.
(NICK kneels down and takes out a large bag and a small hand shovel.)
Faye Minden: What are you doing?
Nick: Well, if Rita's body was incinerated here, the gasoline fumes would have settled into the soil...
(Quick flashback of: [NIGHT] Ash from the burning falls onto the ground.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(NICK shovels up some dirt and puts it in the bag for testing later.)
Nick: ...and trace amounts of hydrocarbon would still be detectable.
Faye Minden: (nods) Good.
(He looks up at her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- DAY]
(DORSEY takes out the dirt from the bag and while some nifty music plays in the background, he tests it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY -- LATER]
(DORSEY looks over the results when NICK walks into the lab.)
Nick: Mr. Dorsey.
Dorsey: I just analyzed your dirt. Where there's smoke, there's fire, and where there's no smoke ...
(He holds out the test results for NICK who grabs it.)
Nick: There are no hydrocarbons. Damn.
(NICK looks at the report.)
Nick: There's no evidence of gasoline whatsoever. Where's Hodges?
Dorsey: Conference in San Francisco. Total boondoggle. Three days of sourdough and seafood. (DORSEY glances around and lowers his voice confidentially.) By the way ... I heard the rumor, and I'm sorry.
Nick: What rumor?
Dorsey: Everybody on the day shift says that you deserved that promotion. You ask me, Grissom only gave Sara a higher evaluation because of their history.
Nick: He gave Sara ... ?
(DET. VARTANN walks into the lab.)
Det. Vartann: Hey. You get anything?
Nick: Well, science seems to have trumped the eyewitness. That story doesn't hold up.
Det. Vartann: I may know why. I ran a background. Faye had two sisters -- Rita, older and Terry, younger. Now get this -- a couple weeks ago Terry and Aaron ... got engaged.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - LAB -- DAY]
(CATHERINE sees GRISSOM in the lab and rushes through the hallway toward him.)
Catherine: Hey, Gil.
(GRISSOM finishes up with the tech and turns to walk out of the lab to meet CATHERINE and they walk down the hallway together.)
Catherine: So tox came back on Chris Gibbons. He may have been allergic to penicillin but didn't have any in his system.
Grissom: We sent a sample of his pants to trace. The area around the injection mark ...
(GRISSOM shows CATHERINE the file folder.)
Catherine: Epinephrine. So maybe Mr. Gibbons had an allergic reaction to something else. Such as...?
(She hands the folders back to GRISSOM.)
Grissom: I don't know, but if Gibbons knew he was severely allergic, I bet he carried one of those auto-injector pens.
Catherine: So we're looking for a used hypodermic.
Grissom: And another allergy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY]
(CATHERINE goes to talk with GREG.)
Greg: (shakes his head) I'm not the allergy ace. I'm trying to get out in the field, and you're multitasking me in the lab.
Catherine: Greg, I'm the one that actually put you on a case, not just talked about it.
Greg: You're also the one who took me off the case.
(GREG stands up and heads for the lab table. CATHERINE turns around and follows him.)
Catherine: You know what? You started, and you gave me six strong innings, and I brought in the closer. What's wrong with that?
Greg: So what am I? Fish or fowl?
Catherine: Fish -- that's a good place to start. I need you to check the victim's blood for shellfish, egg whites, nuts and soy.
Greg: The biggies.
(GREG takes the paper from CATHERINE.)
Catherine: (smiles) Got to start somewhere.
(CATHERINE leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- DNA LAB -- LATER]
(GREG processes the blood.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COURTHOUSE - CONFERENCE ROOM -- EVENING]
(WARRICK hangs up and turns to look at SARA.)
Warrick: That was Catherine.
Sara: What are we looking for?
Warrick: Nuts. Specifically those that begin with a "P."
(SARA nods.)
(Cut to: WARRICK takes out BOB DURHAM'S lunch from the box. He puts it on the table in front of his name card.)
(Cut to: SARA kneels down and goes through CHRIS GIBBONS' lunch.)
(WARRICK sees something under the lunch delivery box. He moves the box aside and finds some broken peanut skin. He picks one up with the tweezers. Camera zooms in close.)
Warrick: Take me out to the ball game.
Sara: Buy me some peanuts.
(WARRICK looks and finds some peanut shells under GIBBON'S seat.)
Warrick: There's peanut skins under Mr. Durham's seat.
(SARA pushes her chair back and also checks the floor. She sees something.)
Sara: That's very interesting.
(She picks up some peanut shells.)
Sara: There's peanut shells under Mr. Gibbon's seat.
Warrick: Mr. Gibbons couldn't eat peanuts. What are they doing under his seat?
Sara: Let's ask Mr. Durham.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COURTHOUSE - CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY]
(SARA and WARRICK interview BOB DURHAM.)
Bob Durham: Just 'cause he's allergic doesn't mean I can't have them.
Sara: Chris Gibbons died from a severe allergic reaction. You were the only guy in the jury room who was eating peanuts. You might have killed him.
Bob Durham: I was only messing with his head.
(Quick flashback to: BOB DURHAM pops peanuts into his mouth and flicks the empty shells at CHRIS GIBBONS. It nearly hits him.)
Chris Gibbons: What are you trying to do, kill me? I'm allergic!
(He flicks another peanut shell and it hits him in his arm.)
Bob Durham: You're a hypochondriac.
(CHRIS GIBBONS rolls up his sleeve and shows him the welt on his arm.)
Chris Gibbons: Does that look like hypochondria to you?
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Bob Durham: Look, I didn't know that just by touching a shell it would send him into some kind of fit.
(Quick flashback to: CHRIS GIBBONS starts to gasp and cough in front of the other jurors. He reaches into pocket for the syringe and sticks it in his leg. He sits back down in his chair.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Bob Durham: I apologized.
Sara: None of the other jurors mentioned anything about Chris throwing a fit.
Bob Durham: Hey, look, it wasn't that big of a deal. I mean, we went back to work, deliberated for a couple hours ... the guy was fine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - EVENING]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- EVENING]
(NICK and DET. VARTANN re-interviews FAYE MINDEN.)
Nick: You withheld information.
Faye Minden: No, it's not like that. You don't understand.
Nick: They why didn't you tell us about your younger sister?
Faye Minden: Because I knew it would come to this. I was dumped by Aaron for my younger sister. I was hurt and angry and jealous, and I wanted to get back at him, so I falsely accused him of killing Rita. I am not jealous of Terry. I'm scared for her. I don't want her to end up like Rita.
Nick: Did your relationship with Aaron end amicably?
Faye Minden: It ended. After the night he killed Rita, I saw him handful of times. I want nothing to do with him.
Det. Arten: So why not warn Terry? Tell her what you told us.
Faye Minden: Because she's in love with him. If I told her what Aaron did to Rita, she'd run right to him. "Crazy Faye always causing trouble." Aaron would like nothing more than to drive a wedge between me and my sister. I've seen what he's capable of.
(Quick flashback to: AARON pushes FAYE to the ground and shows her the barrel with RITA inside.)
Faye Minden: (V.O.) That night he made me help him.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Faye Minden: Her eyes were still opened.
Nick: It was muddy?
Faye Minden: Yeah.
Nick: Okay, was it raining?
Faye Minden: No, not that night. It was a wet winter.
(NICK nods.)
Faye Minden: Say you believe me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB ]
(WARRICK sifts through the trash and finds the used injector.)
Warrick: One auto-injector... used.
Sara: That's substantiates Bob Durham's story that Gibbons had a reaction to peanut shells.
(WARRICK puts the used auto-injector in a baggie.)
Warrick: What do you want to bet he only brought one of these with him.
(SARA goes through CHRIS GIBBONS' chili.)
Sara: Well, he was sequestered. He couldn't exactly go out and get another one.
Warrick: Ah, he was later held defenseless against the attack of the killer peanut.
Sara: I guess it's possible. We're not finding anything in Chris Gibbon's chili. No peanuts, no shells, no skins.
(WARRICK finds a partially crushed soda can with peanut butter smudged on the mouth hole. He smells it. Inside the can, he finds a discarded peanut butter wrapper.)
Warrick: What about peanut butter?
(Camera zooms for a close up of the wrapper. WARRICK removes the wrapper from the can.)
Warrick: In an individually wrapped tube?
Sara: That could belong to any of the jurors.
(SARA goes through the chili and finds a clump of peanut butter.)
Sara: Hold up. This looks like peanut butter right here. Someone was doing more than just flicking peanut shells.
(Quick flashback to: A hand squeezes out the peanut butter into the chili, then mixes it into the chili.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: If Gibbons had that severe a reaction to peanut shells, imagine what eating peanut butter would do to him.
Warrick: Yeah, that's more than just messing with a guy's head.
Sara: That's murder.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(SARA catches GRISSOM in the hallway.)
Sara: Hey, defense motioned for a mistrial. Suspicion of jury tampering.
Grissom: Based on peanut butter in the chili? How does a juror benefit from Gibbons' death?
Sara: I don't know. Lone hold out, now they get to go home?
Grissom: That's nuts. The risk isn't worth the reward.
Sara: Well, Warrick's still working on that print.
Grissom: Good. What are you working on?
(SARA stops walking; GRISSOM turns and leaves. She shakes her head, then turns.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. MOAPA VALLEY -- DAY]
(NICK heads out to the burn site. He tests the soil with an M-300 soil moisture meter. It reads 18%.)
(Dissolve to: NICK cuts off several branches off the tree nearby.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(NICK studies the rings of the tree branches. GRISSOM walks into the lab carrying the soil report.)
Grissom: So the soil doesn't support the eye witness testimony.
Nick: No. So I stuck a moisture testing probe into the ground at the burn site, registered 18%. Now anything over 10% is indicative of full saturation over the last couple of years.
Grissom: The river might have washed away all trace of hydrocarbons.
Nick: Exactly, but before it washed away, some of the hydrocarbons could have seeped into the ground into the tree's roots. Roots carry nutrients to the tree. Some of the hydrocarbons could have hitched a ride. Oaks don't bear fruit, but this one bears witness.
(NICK turns around to the board where he has more than 18 photos of the tree rings posted. He explains it to GRISSOM.)
Nick: Every year, a branch grows a new ring composed of alike, dark band. Counting from the outside in, going back four years -- one, two, three, four ...
Grissom: The ring from four years ago is thinner and distorted.
Nick: Yeah, the same distortion is present in ring four of every branch.
Grissom: And distortion could mean evidence of a toxic event.
Nick: I'm thinking the burning of gasoline under the tree.
Grissom: How are you going to prove it?
Nick: (holds up the branch piece) Saw dust.
(NICK turns and leaves the lab. A tiny smile crosses GRISSOM'S face.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TRACE LAB -- DAY]
(DORSEY takes a sample of sawdust from the tree branch and starts to test it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(DORSEY catches up with NICK in the hallway.)
Dorsey: Nick, I think you're going to like this.
(DORSEY hands the report to NICK.)
Nick: Affirmative for hydrocarbons. Now we're talking.
(NICK continues down the hallway, DORSEY tagging along.)
Dorsey: Nick, no offense, but proving the boss wrong is not the quickest path to career advancement.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COURTHOUSE - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(SARA talks with the BAILIFF.)
Bailiff: The trial lasted four weeks. They've been locked in deliberations for two and a half.
Sara: Sequestered?
Bailiff: Well, it's a high-profile case. Judge Slater limited contact, censored newspapers, no television, shuttle between here and their hotel. That's a juror's life.
Sara: What about the food, how does that work?
Bailiff: This case, uh, jurors had breakfast and dinner at the hotel. Lunch, I brought in a menu, they order ...
(Quick flashback to: The BROWN-HAIRED JUROR (MALE) grabs the menu from CHRIS.)
Brown-haired Juror (male): Gee, let me guess. For the 17th day in a row, you're going to order chili.
Chris Gibbons: Oh, now you're criticizing my food choices.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: Chris Gibbons had chili the day he died.
Bailiff: Yeah, the guy had food allergies. We had one place we ordered from. He had chili every day.
Sara: Did jurors have access to these vending machines?
Bailiff: Uh, yeah, that's why they're here. It's their nickel. I mean, they got to have something. They're away from their families.
(Camera shows us the peanut butter in the vending machine.)
Bailiff: I have all their cell phone ... well, almost all of them. Caught a guy double packing.
(Quick flashback to: The BROWN-HAIRED JUROR (MALE) casually removes his cell phone tucked inside his socks as it beeps from its low batter.)
Brown-haired Juror (male): Can't anybody make a battery that lasts more than a couple of hours?
(The BAILIFF walks up to him.)
Bailiff: Give it up.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Bailiff: Hey, I confiscated his primary at the beginning of deliberations, but I don't do cavity searches.
(SARA chuckles.)
Sara: How do you burn out your cell phone battery when you're not allowed to use your phone?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(BRASS and SARA interview the BROWN-HAIRED JUROR.)
Brown-haired Juror (male): They don't make cell phones like they used to.
(SARA looks over his cell phone.)
Sara: That's true, actually. Now they make them better. Did you know that this one takes pictures? And having met your fellow jurors, I think you really captured them.
Brass: Okay, let's start with the misdemeanor. Cell phones and cameras or cell phones with cameras are prohibited in the jury room. Somebody must have told you that.
Brown-haired Juror (male): See, after a while they're family. I-I thought I could throw a scrapbook together for everyone for after the trial.
Sara: Oh, and-and when where you planning on handing that out? At Mr. Gibbons' funeral? I guess you would consider the folks at the credit company family, too.
Brown-haired Juror (male): What?
Brass: Yeah, according to them, uh, you got a little bit of a gambling Jones, hmm? $25,000 in markers all over town. So what's your game, dice, cards, sports book? Or all of the above?
Brown-haired Juror (male): Let's just say it was a bad month.
Sara: Not that bad. $30,000 deposit two days ago.
Brass: All right, now the questions get hard. I mean, you can't be getting rich on jury duty, forty bucks a day. Or can you?
Brown-haired Juror (male): Look, I'm self-employed, which means I've been unemployed for the last six and a half weeks.
Sara: You just made $30,000.
Brass: To deliver the jury?
Brown-haired Juror (male): No. My story. To a tabloid. Hey ... it's one of those cases-- high-profile, jurors at each other's throats.
(Quick flashback to: [CONFERENCE ROOM] The jury is in heated discussion as CHRIS GIBBONS sits back and smiles. JERVIS loses his cool and grabs GIBBONS in frustration.)
(The BROWN-HAIRED JUROR (MALE) reaches down and adjusts his cell phone secretly tucked away in his socks.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Brown-haired Juror (male): Why should the guy that killed his wife be the only one to make a buck?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. WESTONSON'S RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(DET. VARTANN and NICK head for the WESTONSON'S front gate. DET. VARTANN knocks on the gate. NICK puts his kit down on the road and waits as the gate opens.)
Terry Minden: Can I help you?
Det. Vartann: I'm Detective Vartan. This is Nick Stokes from the crime lab. Terry Minden?
Aaron Westonson: Honey, who is it?
Terry Minden: It's the police.
(AARON WESTONSON looks at NICK.)
Aaron Westonson: I remember you. You were here about Rita.
Nick: Yeah.
Aaron Westonson: You found her.
Nick: No, no, not exactly, but we have a potential new lead.
(DET. VARTANN takes out the warrant from his jacket pocket and hands it to TERRY MINDEN.)
Det. Vartann: And we have a warrant.
Terry Minden: I'm an attorney. You want a sample of gasoline?
Nick: Uh, yes, ma'am -- eight ounces from Mr. Westonson's pump.
Terry Minden: Why?
Aaron Westonson: This is about Rita. I have a right to know.
Terry Minden: Warrant was issued by Judge Brenner. I'll make a call.
Nick: Say hello for me.
Aaron Westonson: Four years ago, you tore this place apart. That was okay with me. Now you come back with no answers, and you're looking at me with that same face. I'm going to tell you the same thing I said before. I had nothing to do with Rita's disappearance.
Nick: Fuel pump's behind the barn, right?
Aaron Westonson: Yeah. Help yourself.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[FUEL PUMP BEHIND BARN - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(NICK stands at the distance looking at the fuel pump. DET. VARTANN joins him.)
Det. Vartann: What are you looking at?
(NICK looks around and shakes his head.)
Nick: I was standing right here four years ago asking myself the same question.
(NICK picks up his kit and they both head over to the fuel pump.)
Nick: You know, Aaron Westonson's right about one thing. Back then Grissom and I processed every inch of that house and this barn and found no signs of a struggle.
Det. Vartann: Aaron versus Rita? He's twice her size.
Nick: Yeah, it would've been over before it started.
(NICK takes out a jar and DET. VARTANN fills it up with gasoline.)
Nick: Okay, fill her up.
Det. Vartann: Smells like diesel. Why is it red?
Nick: It's an EPA requirement. Farm's don't have to pay taxes on fuel, so refineries, they mark their agricultural diesel by dying it red.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY]
(WARRICK processes the Poncho's Peanut Butter Stix wrapper for prints. He finds one.)
(Cut to: WARRICK runs the print through the database and finds a match to:
LAS VEGAS METROPOLITAN AREA
LAS VEGAS WORK CARD
TARA NEWSOME
SOUS CHEF ORPHEUS HOTEL/CASINO
ISSUED: 10/23/2001
EXPIRE: 12/23/2004
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]
(WARRICK interviews TARA NEWSOME.)
Tara Newsome: I'm getting married in five days.
Warrick: Not if you can't explain to me how your fingerprints ended up on this peanut butter tube.
(He puts a photo of the Poncho's Peanut Butter Stix wrapper on the table to show her.)
Warrick: Stuffed inside a soda can. We found it in the jury room.
Tara Newsome: I just wanted to go home, have my fittings. I spent my bridal shower with eleven strangers. My sister filled in for me. I'll never get to experience that.
Warrick: Mr. Gibbons will never get to experience the rest of his life.
Tara Newsome: We were on a break, and the lunch order came.
(Quick flashback to: [CONFERENCE ROOM] The BAILIFF carries in the box of lunches and finds TARA NEWSOME in the room.)
Bailiff: Hey. What did you order?
(She takes the box of lunches from him.)
Tara Newsome: Don't worry, I'll pass it out.
(She puts the box on the table and quick takes out the chili and puts the peanut butter inside the container.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Tara Newsome: I got the peanut butter out of the vending machine a couple days ago. I wanted to stuff it down the guy's throat, but I didn't.
Warrick: So you decided to put it in his chili instead?
(Quick flashback to: TARA mixes the peanut butter into the chili and covers it. CHRIS GIBBONS walks into the room.)
Chris Gibbons: Great, food's here. I'm starving. Where's mine?
(He heads for his seat and looks at her.)
Tara Newsome: (V.O.) But at the last minute, I couldn't do that.
(TARA gets up and reaches for a fresh one from the box.)
Tara Newsome: Here's yours.
(She hands it to him and spills it on the carpet.)
Tara Newsome: Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry.
Chris Gibbons: No, that's okay, I'll take yours. You can reorder.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Tara Newsome: Then I cleaned up and I walked out.
Warrick: You had to know it was going to kill him.
Tara Newsome: No, I didn't know it was going to be lethal. When Bob was flicking peanut shells at him, it's not like he choked up. I swear, I didn't know it was going to kill him. I just thought that it would get him replaced with one of the alternates who would vote guilty.
Warrick: Well, Miss Newsome, you are officially off of jury duty.
Tara Newsome: Oh, I killed him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY]
Greg: (shakes his head) No, she didn't.
(GREG stands in front of GRISSOM, SARA and WARRICK.)
Sara: Greg, she told Warrick she put peanut butter in the chili.
Greg: I don't care if Mr. Peanut was taking a bath in the vic's lunch. It's not what killed him.
Grissom: Be specific, Greg.
Greg: I got the detailed results back from the assay test. The level of immunoglobulin e was insufficient to cause a lethal reaction.
Warrick: Well, that does go along with what the bride-to-be said about the victim. That he had a dermatological response to the allergen and not a respiratory one.
Grissom: Did the assay test show any other food allergies?
Greg: No, uh-uh.
Warrick: So the cause of death is still anaphylactic shock.
Sara: Okay, what caused it?
Grissom: And who?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[MONITOR]
(The NEVADA DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION DATABASE is loading up to the computer. NICK waits. DET. VARTANN walks into the lab.)
Det. Vartann: I got your page. Who shot your dog?
Nick: Trace Tech. He analyzed the fuel from Aaron's pump. Confirmed it's diesel. The hydrocarbons found in the tree were from unleaded gasoline.
Det. Vartann: Means the fuel on Aaron's farm was not used to cremate Rita's body. Maybe it pumped unleaded four years ago. Converted to diesel at some point since.
Nick: Ah, I thought the same thing myself, so I called the NDEP.
Det. Vartann: Mm-hmm.
Nick: The permit for Aaron's fuel tank was specifically for diesel.
Det. Vartann: Where does that leave us?
(The database finishes the search and a map appears on screen.)
Nick: NDEP's database for Clark County. Now, the red dots represent the areas of permitted fuel tanks.
Det. Vartann: Isolate Moapa.
Nick: Yeah.
Det. Vartann: Aaron's farm's located at the cross streets of White Oak and Stansberry.
Det. Vartann: The burn spot is a half mile east along the river.
Nick: Mm-hmm.
Nick: Only two permitted fuel tanks up in that area. The one on the left is Aaron's. We can exclude that one .
Det. Vartann: Who owns the other one?
The information box appears:
LOCATION: 2157 Whispering Leaves Dr.
REGISTERED Owner: FAYE MINDEN
Nick: Faye Minden.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(ROBBINS examines the hives on CHRIS GIBBONS' body and explains it to GRISSOM.)
Robbins: We've ruled out food allergy as the cause of death. If it was an environmental agent, I expect one of the other jurors had a reaction as well. His body reacted to something. It's why I'm reexamining the exposed areas of his body -- face and the neck.
(ROBBINS finds something. Camera zooms in as ROBBINS extracts the stinger from CHRIS' neck.)
Robbins: Look at this.
(He holds it out to GRISSOM.)
Grissom: Apis mellifera linnaeus. We're looking for another body.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS COURTHOUSE (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. COURTHOUSE - CONFERENCE ROOM -- DAY]
(GRISSOM and SARA search the floors for the source of CHRIS GIBBONS' allergies.)
Sara: Greg ran the assay test for bee venom on Chris Gibbons. IG levels were spiked.
Grissom: Was Gibbons even aware that he had a bee allergy?
Sara: Brass finally tracked down his allergist. Gibbons was allergic to a lot of things.
(They continue to search the floors. SARA finds it.)
Sara: The killer, I presume.
(She picks up the dead bee from the table leg. GRISSOM kneels down next to her.)
Grissom: Or what's left of him.
(Quick flashback to: [BEE'S POV] The bee flies around the room and stings CHRIS GIBBONS on the neck. CHRIS starts to gasp for breath.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: He had an immediate reaction to a bee sting.
Grissom: Lost consciousness, fell forward, hit his head on the table.
Sara: You know how Jervis was complaining that it was too hot. He said he opened the window.
(Quick flashback to: [CONFERENCE ROOM] JERVIS stands up, frustrated.)
Jervis: I can't take this anymore!
(He heads over to the window.)
Jervis: Who keeps shutting this damn window?!
(As he holds the window open, we see the bee slip into the room.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: Well, that explains it. It was an outside job.
(GRISSOM glances at SARA. She smiles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. MINDEN RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(NICK and DET. VARTAN'S car drives up and parks in front of FAYE MINDEN as she speaks with the FOREMAN.)
Faye Minden: Okay, good. Thank you.
(NICK and DET. VARTANN exit the vehicle. FAYE sees them and smiles.)
Faye Minden: Hey.
Nick: Hey.
Faye Minden: Heard you were over at Aaron's farm.
Nick: Yep.
Faye Minden: (smiling) I bet that shook him up. Thank you for pushing forward with the investigation.
Det. Vartann: And we continue to push forward. We need to take a sample of fuel from your pump.
Nick: Yeah. Yeah, you wouldn't mind, would you, Faye?
Faye Minden: My pump?
Nick: Yeah.
Faye Minden: Well, what'd he say? Didn't I tell you he'd turn on me?
Nick: Oh, he didn't say anything. Just want to take a look.
(NICK walks over to the gasoline tank. It's green and labeled: UNLEADED. He puts his kit down.)
Faye Minden: My trees are Douglas Firs. The ... the needles grow in spirals around the twigs. It's amazing. Any time you guys want, you come back here, take your pick. Free of charge.
Nick: The pump on Aaron's farm is diesel. Your sister was cremated with unleaded.
(He looks at her for an explanation. She thinks about it.)
Faye Minden: You know what? Thinking back now, I-I remember Aaron's pump was empty, and, uh, he insisted we drive over here. He used mine. Sorry for the confusion.
(NICK looks past FAYE at her barn.)
Nick: Excuse me.
Faye Minden: Please say you believe me.
(NICK doesn't say anything and heads for the barn.)
[BARN]
(The barn doors open and NICK walks inside. He looks around. The camera notes the barrels lined up along side the inner wall. NICK walks inside and sees the various tools lined up on the table. He sprays the tools looking for evidence of blood.)
(The cutters glow.)
[EXT. - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(NICK walks out of the barn carrying the cutters.)
Nick: I believe you, Faye. You see, blood evidence doesn't disappear over time. Your sister was murdered ... by you.
(Quick flashback to: [BARN] The barn door opens and RITA walks inside.)
Rita Minden-Westanson: Faye? Faye, you in here?
(FAYE jumps RITA from behind and hits her with the cutters.)
(Cut to: FAYE lights a match and throws it into the barrel.)
Nick: (V.O.) Unleaded gasoline, barrels for incineration, cast off on the walls. DNA consistent with Rita Westonson.
(End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM'S OFFICE.)
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE]
(NICK explains the results of the investigation to GRISSOM.)
Nick: Faye killed Rita to be with Aaron. And a couple of weeks ago, hears he's getting engaged to her younger sister Terry. They couldn't handle it, man. She just freaked. So she tried to pin Rita's murder on Aaron.
Grissom: Four years ago when I decided to close the case, did you agree with my decision?
(GRISSOM takes the file and heads back to his desk.)
Nick: Well, you were following protocol.
Grissom: And now?
Nick: Now I'd fight you on it, yeah.
Grissom: Why?
Nick: Rita Westonson was a dependable, predictable girl. We never answered the question why she just woke up one morning and walked away from the rest of her life.
Grissom: It happens. And that's what the evidence was telling us.
Nick: Well, that's what the physical evidence was telling us. We should have dug deeper. You can't just ignore the human element, Grissom.
Grissom: I agree, Nick. But when you start to have feelings for the people involved, you risk your objectivity.
Nick: So what? You know, I'm always getting criticized for empathizing with the victims and their families, but that's who I am. That's how I do my job. And as far as the promotion goes, it's all good, man. I can live without it. I'm not you.
Grissom: Good. We certainly don't need another me around here.
(NICK leaves. GRISSOM starts typing.)
To: Robert Cavallo, Assistant Director, CSI From: Gil Grissom, Night Shift Supervisor, CSI Subject: CSI promotion
Dear Sir, I strongly recommend Nick Stokes for the promotion to Lead CSI.
(GRISSOM stops typing and he smiles.)
FADE TO BLACK | Plan: A: a jury; Q: What was the lone holdout on found dead in the jury room? A: the natural suspects; Q: Who are the jurors who were voting guilty and who hated the dead juror? A: Nick; Q: Who reopens a four year old case when the sister of the victim comes forward with new evidence? Summary: The lone holdout on a jury is found dead in the jury room. The eleven jurors who were voting guilty and who hated the dead juror are the natural suspects. Nick reopens a four year old case when the sister of the victim comes forward with new evidence. |
"The Woman in the Sand"
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Open: Las Vegas Desert. Tents are set up and Agents are scouring the area. Booth and Brennan arrive at the crime scene)
BRENNAN: So who do they think the body is?
BOOTH: Federal prosecutor who disappeared five years ago, a day before he was starred at a mob trial.
BRENNAN: Five years? So there's not much left of him.
BOOTH: Yup, that's why they flew you to Sin City, Bones.
(Brennan looks around)
BRENNAN: They call this, America's playground?
BOOTH: We're fifteen miles outside Vegas, Bones. This is America's frying pan.
BRENNAN: No kidding. A person can melt before finding a body anywhere near here.
BOOTH: Once the mob makes a federal prosecutor disappear, they kind off want him staying that way.
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: Agent Booth
BOOTH: Agent Zhang
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: Dr. Brennan, Thanks for coming. Okay, May 20, 2001. Mason Roberts was supposed to deliver a keynote address at UNLV but he never showed. Found his car 3 blocks from his office, engine still running. Right this way.
BOOTH: Wait. No leads until now?
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: The police don't mean much without a body. Then yesterday, we get this tip from this call girl working at the Tangiers Hotel.
BOOTH: Woah. So, I dragged out one of the top Forensic Anthropologists across the country on the word of a prostitute?
BRENNAN: What difference does her profession make?
BOOTH: I'm backing you up.
BRENNAN: What? You're judging.
BOOTH: I wasn't judging. I had your back.
BRENNAN: Yes, your voice was judging.
BOOTH: I had your back.
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: Anyway, the body was right where she said it would be, mile marker 15.
(The show the skeleton buried in the sand)
BRENNAN: Confirmed victim is male, late thirties. No clothing, no personal artifacts.
BOOTH: Hey, this informant of yours. Any chance I can talk to her?
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: As long as you don't expect her to talk back. She died this morning. Cancer. It was a dead bed confession, she was still scared as hell.
BRENNAN: Multiple fractures to the skull and upper extremities, caused by something cylindrical, like a pipe or a bat.
BOOTH: Straight out of Capone's play book.
BRENNAN: I'll know more once I compare dental records but-
(Brennan sees something and stops talking.)
BOOTH: What? Bones-
(Agent Zhang and Booth look behind them and see vultures flying in circles overhead.)
BOOTH: Yeah. It's a vulture. Dead body here. Kinda how it works.
BRENNAN: They don't circle skeletal remains. Get my bag.
(Booth gets Brennan's bag while she walks over to the place where the vultures were circling. They find another skeleton)
BOOTH: Oooooh, Right. It's the sun baked, rotting corpses they're into.
BRENNAN: Female, mid twenties. Similar injuries to the male victim but this is a fresh kill. A week to ten days.
BOOTH: Popular dumping ground for these guys.
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: You don't mean the same guys, five years later?
BOOTH: Well, you know, if they're not connected it would be one hell of a coincidence.
BRENNAN: Well, I'd have to compare them side by side, but from what I see here whoever buried that victim buried this one too.
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: So, two deaths for the price of one?
BOOTH: Viva Las Vegas.
(Cut to: Desert. Make shift lab in a tent)
BRENNAN: Yup, dental records confirm, the male victim is Mason Roberts., bludgeoned to death, presumably with a baseball bat.Booth (Pointing at a picture): This guy here looks like a long ball hitter.
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: That's Sweet Pete Arno, he is a gaming exec at the Tangiers. He and the other two there - They were Roberts immediate 'to do' list when he disappeared.Cam (on Brennan's laptop screen): Any specs on the female victim yet?
BRENNAN: Umm, Only preliminary. Blows to the cranium, torso and upper extremities.
CAM: All similar injuries to Roberts.
BRENNAN: But the likely result of domestic abuse.
BOOTH: Likely Result? Bones there is nothing domestic about a mob hit.
BRENNAN: But the shape of her injuries, the pattern of healing and re-breaking..There's a long history of assault here, Booth, and not from any baseball bat. Plus I found this embedded in her skull.
BOOTH: Is that a hearing aid?
BRENNAN: They're common with abuse victims. Repeated blows to the head can damage the bones of the inner ear.
Angela joins cam behind the webcam.
ANGELA: Ah, sorry to butt in, Brennan, but I got a name off the serial number. The hearing aid is registered to a Wilhelmina Morgan, out of Mount Charleston, Nevada.
BOOTH: Oh, that's not too far from here.
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: And she goes by the name Billie, List here's Billie Morgan, 26 reported missing 2 weeks ago by her husband, Donald.
BRENNAN: Her abusive husband, covering his tracks?
BOOTH: Possible. Okay, he might know how his wife and Roberts ended up here. (to Zhang) He may even know your friends here .(taps photograph) Brennan (to Booth) You get on that, I'll fly these remains back to the Jeffersonian.
BOOTH: Whoa. Okay, whoa. We can't leave.
BRENNAN: We can't?
BOOTH: No I mean we came for one body and suddenly there's two. Hey look, what if there's more?
CAM: Just ship both sets of remains here. Along with bugs, dirt, the works. If there's a forensic link to those murders we'll find it.
BRENNAN: As long as you keep me in the loop.
CAM: As if we could actually keep you out. (Booth closes the laptop)
BOOTH: Okay. Alright. Fine. So that's the deal. Box them up and we'll go break the news to Big Don.
(Cut to: Trailer Park. Home of Donald Morgan)
DON: And here I thought she left me.
BOOTH: Now why would she do that, Don?
DON: I - I got laid off a couple of months ago, poor Billie. She hated seeing me sitting around the house all day, depressed.
BRENNAN: Drinking?
BOOTH: Punching Walls?
DON: No. I..I just fell of a ladder.
BRENNAN: Breaking a fall like that would fracture distal radius, not proximal phalanges.
BOOTH: Alright, listen. So I got a police record that says that your neighbours heard you screaming at your wife three weeks ago.
DON: Screaming? No. Just arguing. See Billie wanted to help out, she thought she could bring in some money, you know, the exotic kind. I kind of flipped out.
BRENNAN: And broke your thumb against your wife's face?
DON: No! Look, I could never hurt Billie. Okay?
BRENNAN: Than how did she lose her hearing?
DON: I don't know, she was a kid playing sports. One to many soccer balls against the head.
BRENNAN: Oh, Please.
BOOTH: Listen Don, you're my number one suspect so it would be wise if you're straight with us.
DON: Implants.
BRENNAN: Breast Implants?
DON: She thought they'd help her chances of landing a job as a dancer. As much as I hated the idea I borrowed eight grand from a loan shark. I gave the money to Billie. That's the last time I ever saw her.
BOOTH: So that's how you broke your thumb?
BRENNAN: Huh?
BOOTH: The loan shark comes to collect his eight gran, Don here can't pay him so-
DON: Yeah, and now I owe him ten.
BOOTH: I need the loan sharks name. Just give me a name.(Don exhales and looks at the picture of Billie)
(Cut to Booth's Car.)
BOOTH: (on the phone) Mackey. Yeah, that's right. Louis Mackey. Send his information to my cell as soon as you can. Thanks. (to Brennan) We got the shark in our system.
BRENNAN: Well, proving at least that he exists.
BOOTH: Ya know, Don's story might seem a little, you know, hinky, but just try to keep an open mind.
BRENNAN: An open mind to what? All those soccer balls to the head?
BOOTH: I'm just not sold on the whole domestic abuse thing, alright. A scrawny guy like that-
BRENNAN: Rage has nothing to do with size.
BOOTH: I know that Bones, alright, you know that I know that. It's just - I look into the guys eyes and I just didn't see it.
BRENNAN: What about the breast implants? You know, if she'd gotten them they would have been a part of her remains.
BOOTH: yeah well, than the money had to be for something elseand hopefully this guy (shows his cell phone with a picture of the loan shark to Brennan) will be able to tell us what it was.
(Cut to: Casino. Booth and Brennan are walking through)
BRENNAN: Hey. There's our loan shark, let's go!
BOOTH: Okay, just uh..give me a moment.
BRENNAN: Oh my god! I completely forgot! You can't be here Booth. You're a degenerate gambler.
BOOTH: Former gambler, okay? Not degenerate, I been through the program, okay, and you know what? He's on the move.
BRENNAN: Okay but what if you got a sudden urge to gamble while you're here? I mean it's like sending an alcoholic to a distillery. Do you need to sit down?
BOOTH: No. I'm fine it's just, you know, the sound of the winning. It'll...it'll pass.
BRENNAN: What? The sound or the winning?
BOOTH: This kind off reminds me of the first time. I walked in the Desert Inn with 35 bucks in my pocket and I walked out with a cool 10 grand. The next night, I lost everything. Tapped out my ATM trying to get it back.
BRENNAN: Wha-What's that game called again?
BOOTH: Craps.
BRENNAN: What? What's the matter now?
BOOTH: No, it's the game. It's called Craps. You know, hey, this used to be my game, Bones. Roll them bones, chuck the dice, you know. (Turns around to the craps table guy) Seven Eleven. (Booth watches as the Craps dealer clears the table, then to Brennan) And he's going for the bar. Okay, you stay here. I know how to talk to these guys.
BRENNAN: Whoa. Talk? You can barely breathe.
BOOTH: I'm fine just trust me alright. Wait here.
BRENNAN: And do what, exactly?
BOOTH: You're an anthropologist, observe the culture.
(Brennan looks around to see what she can do)
(Cut to: Casino Bar. Booth sits down next to Lou Mackey)
BOOTH: Lou Mackey. Don't I owe you money?
LOU MACKEY: I'm afraid you had me confused with someone else.
BOOTH: I don't think I do. My buddy, Don Morgan, he introduced us. 30. Scrawny guy. Broken thumb.
LOU MACKEY: Do I need to call security?
BOOTH: Yeah, you know that's a great idea. (he takes his badge out and places it on the bar.) Maybe you can tell all of us what you did to Don and just maybe how his wife ended up dead.
LOU MACKEY: I don't know anything about any wife.
BOOTH: Come on Lou, Don't make me work so hard here.
LOU MACKEY: Look, The guy owed me money. He neglected to pay and he fell of a ladder. It's instant karma
BOOTH: Instant karma. That's going to get you every time, isn't it? What about Billie Morgan. (Booth puts Billie's picture in front of them on the bar) She have instant karma too?
LOU MACKEY: She's attractive. I didn't even know he was married.
BOOTH: How about the name Mason Roberts? I'm sure that rings a bell.
LOU MACKEY: Whispers on the strip is that you finally found him. Congratulations, now leave me alone.
BOOTH: If you know more than what you're saying, I'm gonna find out eventually.
LOU MACKEY: Do I look worried? I'm a businessman. What are you harassing me for?
BOOTH: Ah, ya know. It's just something I have about bullies. Thanks for the drink.
(Cut to Casino. Brennan is playing Black Jack)Black Jack Dealer: Nineteen's a winner.
BRENNAN: Yes! Yes.
BOOTH: Uh, hey, Bones!
BRENNAN: Oh, Booth! Have you ever played this game before? It's basic math. You just count the cards and then you know what the dealer has left.
BOOTH: Yeah, uh, ixnay. Ixnay.
BRENNAN: And the most common card is a ten, because of the face card, so if you just always assume the down card's a ten-
(The Pit Boss approaches)
PIT Boss: I'm sorry. I'm afraid you're gonna have to-BOOTH: We were just about to leave. Thanks. (to Brennan) Come on.
BRENNAN: But I was just getting good.
BOOTH: ..at cheating, Bones. That's what counting cards is.
BRENNAN: It's not cheating! It's strategy.
BOOTH: Not to them, it's not.
BRENNAN: Well, What is the fun in that? I mean, the odds are completely skewed in the dealers favor.
BOOTH: Now did you see the attraction?
BRENNAN: The man on my right is going to win if he doesn't hit on it.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform)
HODGINS: Aegialia concinna.
CAM: Gesundheit!
HODGINS: Also known as Scarab Beatles. They came from the soil around Billie Morgan. These adults, feed on putrefied organic matter. Or in this case, Billie. As a result they suffered unusually short life spasms.
CAM: From ingesting Billie's flesh?
HODGINS: More likely the powerful glucocorticoid in her system. I've yet to isolate which one specifically.
CAM: Be sure to notify Doctor Brennan when you do. Any specifics on the bat used to kill Roberts yet, Zack?
ZACK: Here's a replica. Cincinnati slugger with a 3 inch diameter weighing about 27 ounces.
HODGINS: You think the mob would come up with less clichéd ways to whack people.
ZACK: But there's something else. Staining on Roberts cranium indicates seepage to the cervical spine. So somehow blood from his head, got down to his neck.
CAM: Vertebra c7. Are those cut marks?
ZACK: So his throat was cut.
HODGINS: Did you find a specific cause of death on Billie Morgan yet?
CAM: She displays a hemathorax in her left lung.
ZACK: Caused by a left-sided rib fracture.
HODGINS: A broken rib punctures a lung, causing massive internal bleeding.
CAM: And between her pre-existing injuries and the new ones, the poor girl never had a chance to heal.
HODGINS: Oh, won't Dr. Brennan will love the hear that.
(Hodgins takes a swing with the bat)(Cut to: Booth's car - night. Brennan is on the speaker phone with everyone back at the lab)
BRENNAN: Take a closer look at the stress markers to her sternum, Zack. They strike you as unusual?
ZACK: Well, they do seem more the result over repetitive medium impact manual blows than the single high impact from a bat.
HODGINS: This husband could really dish it out.
ZACK: Maybe she dished it back. These hairline fractures on her knuckles-BRENNAN: Defensive wounds. Wait a minute. Let me zoom in? Repetitive manual blows. Fractured knuckles. The glucocorticoid that killed your bugs, Hodgins. Could it have been simple cortisone to treat an injury?
HODGINS: Yeah. That's certainly possible.
CAM: What are you thinking Dr. Brennan?
BRENNAN: I am thinking Billie Morgan could have been a boxer.
BOOTH: You mean like a real boxer? In a ring?
CAM: But wouldn't boxing gloves prevent injuries like these?
HODGINS: Unless she wasn't wearing gloves.
ANGELA: Well, what boxer does that?
HODGINS: Ultimate fighters.
BOOTH: Ultimate fighters. Ah, you're into that crap too, huh, hodgins?
HODGINS: Dude, it's barbaric, When it shows up on cable I can't turn it off.
ANGELA: And it's actually legal?
HODGINS: Completely sanctioned. They do wear some protective gear, which would fly in the face of our girl's injuries, though.
BOOTH: That is, unless it was underground.
BRENNAN: Underground where?
BOOTH: Come on. Haven't you guys ever seen Fight Club?
HODGINS: Illegal, no hold barred, slug fast. Modern day Panem et Circensus. But generally there's no free bread. (to Cam) What?
BRENNAN: So Don Morgan didn't beat his wife.
BOOTH: Got to say, I told you so.
(Cut to: Don Morgan's Trailer. Booth and Brennan are inside, talking with Don)
BOOTH: Why didn't you tell us, Don?
DON: Because I didn't know, alright? She never told me.
BRENNAN: Your own wife didn't tell you that she was fighting?
DON: Because I'd never let her. Billie hadn't boxed in a year. Commission took her license away when they found out about her hearing. Alright, it about broke her heart, but she was done.
BRENNAN: Well, apparently not.
BOOTH: You know what I think? I think someone offered Billie an illegal fight you jumped at the chance for a, uh, pay day.
DON: Are you out of your mind?
BOOTH: You borrowed money from Mackey and you put it all on Billie and she ended up paying the price.
DON: No. No, that's not true.
BRENNAN: Who are you protecting, Don?
DON: Nobody. Look I swear, I didn't know.
BOOTH: Don, we can protect you, if you let us.
DON: If I knew who killed Billie, I'd tell you. Believe me, please.
(Cut to: A hotel food court. Booth & Brennan are sitting at a table)
BRENNAN: Why would anyone fight illegally in the first place?
BOOTH: You know, there's limited options. Not everybody can be Oscar de la Hoya.
BRENNAN: Who?
BOOTH: Injuries, criminal pasts, failed drug test- alright, it leaves them with no other skills, so they take on a fight wherever they can find one.
BRENNAN: Even if it kills them? (phone rings) Brennan.
HODGINS: I found something in the particulates from Billie's shoes. Traces of hexavalent chromium. It's a chemical used in high end automotive shops, specializing in chroming. Mechanics who use them have to file reports for the EPA.(Brennan slaps booth hand.)
BOOTH: Ow! What?
BRENNAN: (to Booth) Hey! No gambling!
HODGINS: Am I interrupting something?
BOOTH: It's just Keno, alright? I'm sorry if Hodgins lost me at, uh, hexifalium chromo.
BRENNAN: Hexavalent chromium and we need to find some. How can we contact the Environmental Protecting Agency?
HODGINS: Yeah, I'm on it.
(Cut to: Abandoned auto shop. Booth & Brennan enter.)
BRENNAN: This was an auto shop?
BOOTH: Yeah. EPA, they shut it down months ago for a hazardous waste material. It was the only shop authorized to use that chromium stuff. See it anywhere?
BRENNAN: Could be absorbed into the dust particles on the floor.
BOOTH: Heh, along with flash paper.
BRENNAN: What's that?
BOOTH: Betting slips. Uh, burn fast in case there's raid.
BRENNAN: Well, look at this. (she shines her flash light on a red line on the floor)
BOOTH: They painted a ring for the fights.
BRENNAN: So this was the fight club.
BOOTH: If there's blood, I'd say it is. Where's your, uh, light thingy?
(Brennan takes out the ultraviolet light and shines on the floor)
BRENNAN: Blood. The whole place is covered in blood.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform.)
CAM: Of the thirty blood samples found at the body shops, 6 were A positive. Same as Billie Morgan. Still waiting on DNA.
ZACK: Thirty fighters translates to five two person fights per hour over a three hour period or three fights over five hours, six fights over-
CAM: We get the idea, Zack. Lots of fights.
ANGELA: I ran thermal imaging on Billie's remaining soft tissue to reconstruct her injuries. This is what she might have looked like after the fight.
HODGINS: Ah, the sweet science.
ANGELA: Just when I get to a place where I can almost stomach seeing maggots eating intestines. This. How could anybody do this to themselves?
HODGINS: Ya know. 900 B.C.- the Greek ruler, Theseus, entertained himself watching two men sit in chairs beat each other to death. Just saying. It's nothing new.
ANGELA: I can work up force and velocity reading for each blow - Zack can help me ID her opponent from the circumference and diameter of the fist.
CAM: I'd rather Zack focus on our second weapon for Roberts.
ZACK: None of these blades are narrow enough. It's as if his vertebra was cut with a razor blade.
HODGINS: Or a razor wire. Luca Brasi. The Godfather? Please, someone buy a DVD player.
CAM: You mean a garrotte?
HODGINS: Yes. A garrotte pulled so tightly around Luca's- or rather Robert's neck-CAM: -that it sliced through his throat and severed his corroded artery.
ANGELA: Okay. The whole 'maggots eating intestines thing' is not nearly as gross to me now.
(Cut to: Casio.)
BOOTH: Yeah, Yeah, Okay. Thanks a lot. Agent Zhang said he found the old owner of the body shop. He said some guy paid him three thousand dollars cash just to use the place for one night. No names, no questions asked.
BRENNAN: Seems like a theme in this town. Hey, why is he hitting on a 16! I mean, look at him, he's completely distracted.
BOOTH: You know what? Actually, Bones, you can if the face card is showing-alright- (Booth spots Lou Mackey near a slot machine talking to another man.) There he is. (they head over to him) Hey look at this! It's my buddy, Lou Mackey.
LOU MACKEY: Oh great. So we're friends now?
BOOTH: I need you to tell me where a fight fan can get a little uh-
FRANKIE DANIELS: Seeley?
BOOTH: Frankie?
FRANKIE DANIELS: What are you doing back in Vegas huh?
(Booth & Frankie 'guy hug')
LOU MACKEY: (to Brennan) Your man's got a lot of friends.
BRENNAN: So it would seem.
LOU MACKEY: I'll catch up with you later, Frankie.
BOOTH: Hey, Lou-
LOU MACKEY: See ya, friend. (he walks off)
BOOTH: Is he a problem?
FRANKIE DANIELS: No, no. It's all good, huh. Hey, look at you, huh?
BOOTH: Yeah, Frankie Daniels, hey. Temperance Brennan, Frank Daniels. We served in The Gulf together.
FRANKIE DANIELS: That's right. Hit the strip the minute we got back.
BRENNAN: And you never left?
FRANKIE DANIELS: I bounce around, you know. Here, Chicago, L.A. You know me, huh Seel? Always chasing rainbows.
BOOTH: Good old Frankie boy huh? How's Karen?
FRANKIE DANIELS: Nah...nah. It's over, ya know. She ran off with some loser stockbroker. Ya know, it's just as well. I don't need that.
BOOTH: Oh, come on, Frankie. You alright? I mean, you don't need any-
FRANKIE DANIELS: Don't start with that, huh? It's been too many years. I'm getting by alright?
BOOTH: Yeah. Guys like Lou Mackey?
FRANKIE DANIELS: Yeah, well ya know, minor, uh, minor occupational hazard.
BRENNAN: Have you considered medication?
BOOTH: Oh, Bones...
BRENNAN: An anti-depressant might raise your norepinephrine level. It could help control the impulsivity.FRANKIE DANIELS (to booth): What are you, a drug rep now or something?
BOOTH: It's - excuse us, Bones, Okay? (he moves Frankie away from Brennan - then to Frankie) Wondering if you know anything of these, uh, underground fight clubs?
FRANKIE DANIELS: Yeah, actually I do know one. Bare knuckles. No rules.
BOOTH: Great. I need to know where.
FRANKIE DANIELS: It moves around. This guy, uh, this guy, Joe Nolan. He sells 800 numbers. You call, you find out the time, the place, code to get in.
BOOTH: The old boxer, Joe Nolan?
FRANKIE DANIELS: The heavy weight champ in '92. He owns a gym here on, uh, on Federal.
BOOTH: Thanks.
FRANKIE DANIELS: Hey, uh, think you can spot me a couple of bucks? I think I forgot my wallet at the house today, you know?
BOOTH: Yeah.
FRANKIE DANIELS: Just something you know, I'll get you back.
BOOTH: Yeah.
(Cut to: Outside hotel. Brennan and Booth are walking next to a swimming pool.)
BOOTH: Frankie's a better guy than he seems.
BRENNAN: And yet he knows this Nolan guy.
BOOTH: Anybody who knows the fight game, knows Joe Nolan. I mean, the guy was set to be the next Sugar Ray, but he was accused of, uh, ya know, throwing a couple of fights.
BRENNAN: What? You mean, losing on purpose? Why would anyone do that?
BOOTH: Maybe I should just talk to Joe alone.
BRENNAN: What's with the sudden impulse to leave me behind.
BOOTH: I'll tell ya, Bones, alright, the usual rules? They don't apply here. Okay? The deeper we get I don't want anyone knowing that we're FBI.
BRENNAN: Well, that's easy for me. I'm not.
BOOTH: Okay, Fine.
(Cut to: Hotel room. Booth is getting ready while Brennan is dressing in the bathroom)
BRENNAN: (Comes out in a black dress) Hey, what do you think?
BOOTH: I have enough Bibles, thank you, but try next door.
BRENNAN: You said I could be a school teacher.
BOOTH: Not the spinster kind who lives with his sister but ya know - the hot one who makes the boys crazy. Here, put on the one - that I picked out. (He hands her a dress) Alright?
BRENNAN: Ok, but don't be so bossy. (she goes back into the bathroom)
BOOTH: We're newlyweds, I said. Takin' Sin City by storm. Ready for action.
BRENNAN: (from the bathroom) But you know, marriage is such an archaic institution-
BOOTH: (exhales in frustration) Listen Bones, I know what I'm doing. Okay? I've done this before. Just stop arguing.
BRENNAN: I'm not. It's just, you know, I don't need a piece of paper to prove my committent.
BOOTH: Fine. We're engaged.
BRENNAN: Why would I be okay with engagement?
BOOTH: Whatever, Bones, alright? We're a loosely committed couple of hot high rollers. See, with money to burn. Cause that is what's gonna get us in the door.
BRENNAN: (comes out of the bathroom in a stunning little black dress) Like this?
BOOTH: (staring at Brennan) Yeah. Yeah, like that.
(Brennan's phone rings and she goes over to answer it.)
BRENNAN: (into phone) Hey, Cam.
CAM: (at the Jeffersonian) Dr. Brennan. Judging by the angle of the blows, Billie's last opponent was 5'6" and left handed.
ANGELA: (at Jeffersonian) With a fist size of approximately 90mm. Zack measured.
(Camera cuts back to the room. Booth zips up Brennan's dress)
BOOTH: That's hot.
ANGELA: Hot? Wait a minute, what's hot?
BRENNAN: Ah, nothing. Vegas. Vegas -is hot. It's - very hot here.
(Cam & Angela give each other looks)
(Cut to: Gym. Booth and Brennan enter, dressed to impress)
Brennan (about her shoes): How does anybody actually walk in these things?
BOOTH: Well, ya know. Them boots? They ain't made for walking sweetheart.(Booth slaps Brennan's butt)
BRENNAN: Okay, That was completely over the top.
BOOTH: Alright, you know, you play your part and I'll play mine.
(They notice a girl boxing in the ring and stop walking to watch her)
BRENNAN: Hey Booth. The girl.
BOOTH: Yeah I see. 5'6", south paw.
BRENNAN: And left handed.
JOE: Can I help you folks?
BOOTH: I can't believe it, ah, "Sloppy Joe" Nolan.
BRENNAN: Sloppy Joe?
BOOTH: Yeah! That's how he left his opponents.
JOE: These days, it's just Joe.
NICK: I busted a lace, Joe.
BOOTH: Sorry to bother you, Joe, but you know you had a huge impact on my, uh, style back in the army. Ya know a juke to the body, followed by a right hook? Worked for me every time.
NICK: Another Army fighter, Joe? How many of these 'has beens' you get in here a week?
JOE: At least this one still looks like he's in shape.
BRENNAN: Oh, yeah! My man's in great shape. Believe me.
BOOTH: Easy there, honey.
NICK: Let's see it, Army. Show us those moves that made you so famous.
BRENNAN: Yeah, go ahead tiger! (Brennan slaps Booth's butt) Show these clowns.
BOOTH: Yeah, maybe I will, okay? Jus- just a little.
(He heads over to the punching bag and takes his jacket and hands it to Brennan to hold)
JOE: Yeah, come on, tiger.
BOOTH: Alright, let's see Joe. A little, you know tap, you know, juke to the body, with a hard right, followed by a whole bunch of these- (Booth keeps punching the bag. Brennan watches, impressed.)
BRENNAN: So much for my 'has been' army fighter.
JOE: Not bad.
BOOTH: You know, I still got it-BRENNAN: Yeah, maybe a little too much.
JOE: What's your name?
BOOTH: Tony Scallion, here's my fianceé, uh, Roxanne.
BRENNAN: We're more "engaged to be engaged"JOE: So you looking to train or what?
BOOTH: Ah, ya know, I don't fight no more, but they say you can direct me and Roxie to a little you know, uh, 'underground action'.
JOE: They say a lot don't they?
BOOTH: Yeah, well, some guy at the Rio - one of them 'you didn't hear it from me' types?
JOE: Sorry, can't help you.(Joe exchange looks with Nick, Nick nods.)
BRENNAN: Ah, what did I tell you, Tony? That guy was just trying to hit on me.
JOE: Well, I do know a number you can call. Not that I'd give it to just anybody.
NICK: Oh, come on, Joe. They seem like such nice people.
BRENNAN: Yeah, we're nice people.
JOE: Thousand Bucks. Each.
BOOTH: Whoa. That's a little steep-
BRENNAN: No, Tony, come on! We only live once and I want to see a fight. (Brennan pulls a wad of cash from her cleavage and hands it to Joe. Nick laughs.)
NICK: Nothing like being a kept man, huh?
BOOTH: Yeah, I don't know what I'd do without her.
(Cut to: Booth's Car.)
BOOTH: That was amazing! What got into you?
BRENNAN: It's from when I used to watch old movies with my dad. He really liked Clara Bow.
BOOTH: Clara Bow was a silent film star, Bones.
BRENNAN: Yeah, but - but I guess that's how I always imagined she sounded.
BOOTH: Just like you imagined she carried around a wad of cash?
BRENNAN: Oh, that. Well, I couldn't sleep last night, so I snuck off to play a little crap.
BOOTH: Craps, Bones. Plural. And I can't believe your beginners luck.
BRENNAN: Don't say that! You'll jinx it.
BOOTH: Since when do you believe in jinx's?
BRENNAN: I don't. But after hearing the craps dealer say it-
BOOTH: Craps dealer's right. No jinx's. We got a big night ahead of us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab.)
HODGINS: Alright, with the federal prosecutor here and Billie here. Both show evidence of topical chemicals. Now this will extract the elements I need to cross reference with the dead beatles, safely.
ZACK: Not that she was safe, letting herself get drawn into a fight like that.
HODGINS: We've all been in a fight or two which we wish we hadn't.
ZACK: Not me.
HODGINS: You've never fought? Never thrown a punch?
ZACK: Never saw the logic of it.
HODGINS: It's not about logic, it's.-it's emotional. It's anger.
ZACK: I don't get angry, it's not rational.
HODGINS: What if you're sitting on the beach and someone kicks sand in your face?
ZACK: I don't go to the beach.
HODGINS: Alright, work with me here Zack. There has to be something that would piss you off. What if I call you a scrawny twit who can't hold a normal conversation with a ten year old.
ZACK: I don't have much in common with a ten year old and although I don't know what a twit is, objectively I am thin and lack muscular definition.
HODGINS: Dude, you're a Vulcan. And a dull Vulcan at that.
ZACK: Can we please work?
HODGINS: Alright, now you're pissing me off. You're a freak man. Anger is a part of being human. Grow a set.
ZACK: I would really like to work Hodgins.
HODGINS: You know, it is not enough to be some robotic second rate grad student.
ZACK: I am the most valuable and accomplished grad student who's ever been installed at the Jeffersonian.
HODGINS: Yeah and you're going to be a grad student the rest of your life because you have no fire.
ZACK: I'm working on my dissertation.
HODGINS: Ah, please. You've been saying that for years. You're a poser. You don't have your doctorate because you have no drive, no passion for what you love.
(Zack punches Hodgins)
HODGINS: Dude.
ZACK: It's not what you think.
HODGINS: You got pissed.
ZACK: No striking you merely seemed to be the most practical way to get you to be quiet and focus on work, but I didn't realize how much it would hurt.
HODGINS: Nice punch, though.
ZACK: Thank you. And my dissertation will be finished by the end of the month. Have the chemicals been extracted yet?
HODGINS: That's good.
ZACK: Dr. Brennan wanted the results as soon as possible.
HODGINS: I'm moving. You're not going to hit me again are you?
(Cut to: Underground fight club. The crowd is going wild as Booth and Brennan make their way through the crowd.)
BRENNAN: I suppose, from an anthropological standpoint, this taps into the nihilistic part of the human psyche fascinated by blood and gore.
BOOTH: It's human cock-fighting.
BRENNAN: More like lesser surrogates engaged in battles on behalf of the elite lords who don't have the courage to fight themselves.
BOOTH: Alright, you know what? (snaps his fingers) Come back to me Roxie, huh?
BRENNAN: Ewww, look at all the sweat!
(Booth and Brennan watch as two men fight in the ring. After the fight, one of the men approaches Booth.)
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: What in the hell are you looking at?
BOOTH: Not much.(Walt punches Booths face and Booth falls to the ground, unconscious. Brennan kneels to the ground.)
BRENNAN: Hey Tony? Tony!
(Cut to: Hotel Room. Brennan is holding an ice pack to Booth's head)
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: Sorry, Booth. I just couldn't have you blowing my cover.
BOOTH: Ahhhh, yeah. And as they taught us in Quantico, Walt, I wasn't about to.
BRENNAN: Do you know everyone in this town?
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: I had no idea we had an agent in there.
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: Yeah, I'm on a special RICO assignment, under deep cover about a month and I still can't crack who's running the show.
BOOTH: What do you know about Joe Nolan?
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: Ah, low level guy, one of many buffers. That 800 number he sells changes with every event, so trying to track is like playing whack-a-mole.
BRENNAN: Have you ever seen her (she shows a picture of Billie to Walt) fight at the club?
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: Uh, yeah. It's, uh, Billie something right? (Brennan nods) Yeah. 4-to-1 underdog. Oh, she whooped this hot Latina pretty good.
BRENNAN: Latina? About 5'6", left-handed?
BOOTH: She works out at Nolan's club?
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: Yeah Marisol. Tough as nails and undefeated before your girl came along.
BRENNAN: Well, what if Billie bet on herself?
BOOTH: Well you know what? With the money that Don borrowed - $8,000 - ya know, 4-to-1odds? That had to get them to their feet in a hurry.
BRENNAN: Maybe that's what got her killed.
BOOTH: Well, we gotta talk to this Marisol person.
AGENT ERIC ZHANG: We'll go find her. (to Walt) So, what's next for you?
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: Well, I sprained my wrist to fights ago with no chance to heal. If I lose another bout, I'm off the rotation.
BRENNAN: Booth's a boxer.
BOOTH: Excuse me?
BRENNAN: I'm just saying, if we can find a way to get you into the rotation, you can fight Walt and lose, and then he can stay and maybe have a chance to heal.
BOOTH: You're volunteering me to fight? (Brennan's cell phone rings)
BRENNAN: I'm volunteering you to throw one. You can lose with your hands tied behind your back. (Brennan picks up her phone) Hey, Hodgins.
HODGINS: How's this for coincidence? Scarab beetles from Robert's body had the same short life spam as Billie's - but not from cortisone His bugs died from ingesting pinus elliottii.
BRENNAN: Pine? In the dessert?
HODGINS: Yeah, pine oil resin is often used to treat the same skin conditions as the cortisone that killed the other beetles.
BRENNAN: Okay. Confirm that and come back to me. (she hangs up then to Booth.) Pine oil...
BOOTH: Okay, pine oil. What's that mean?
BRENNAN: I don't know yet. Go pick your fight.
(Cut to: Gym. Booth and Joe are talking with Joe.)
JOE: What the hell is all this about anyway?
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: He insulted me, Joe. He needs the beating and I need the money.
JOE: I thought you didn't fight anymore?
BOOTH: Ah, you know, that was before I got blind-sided out of retirement. Will, ah, this do?
(Booth throws Joe a wad of cash.)
JOE: Glad to see your Sugar Mama taught you a thing or two.
(Cut to: Casino. Brennan is sitting the craps table. Booth approaches her.)
DEALER: Sir?
BOOTH: Hey, Bones. Fight's on.
BRENNAN: No trouble convincing Joe?
BOOTH: Nah. Nothing that a stack of bills couldn't fix. (booth sees agent Zhang talking to Marisol) Did she gave us anything yet?
BRENNAN: Nothing. We're going to need a warrant.
BOOTH: For what? What's her evidence?
BRENNAN: Agent Zhang's talking to it.. Marisol's bones, tissue and muscle are still healing. If we can match her injuries to Billie's, we can proof they fought. If the fight's what killed Billie, Marisol's guilty of manslaughter.
BOOTH: Which would give us leverage to force her to give up whoever runs these fights.
BRENNAN: Which she might do in exchange for protection.
BOOTH: So what you want to do is, you want to get her DNA samples and send them back to the Jeffersonian.
BRENNAN: Actually, I want to send Marisol.
BOOTH: This girl. The whole girl?
BRENNAN: Our squints can perform a live autopsy, while our thermal-imaging programs reconstruct a theoretical fight.
BOOTH: Ya know, you're lucky I know a very understanding judge of Vegas.
BRENNAN: Of course you do.
(Booth winks at Brennan and laughs.)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Marison is escorted in to have tests runs)
CAM: Okay, Marisol. You're not under arrest. You're just here as evidence. So when this nice agent leaves you here-
MARISOL: I'm going to kick your skinny ass.
CAM: Honey, I'm from the Bronx. Don't, for a second, think you scare me.
MARISOL: Look, I didn't kill nobody al right? I didn't even fight.
CAM: Well, if that's true, let's go over the scanner and prove it.
HODGINS: Or disprove it.
CAM: Hodgins.
Hodgins (to marisol): I'll take your robe.
MARISOL: Is this going to hurt?
ANGELA: You won't even know it's happening. Okay, Marisol?
ZACK: (he places electrodes on her) Sorry if these are cold.
(The machine turns on and a green lights appears)
MARISOL: What just happened?
CAM: Blood pools in recent injuries. Thermal imaging records that. Now, we're gonna match your injuries against Billie Morgan's.
(Cut to: Underground Fight Club. Two women are fighting as the crowd cheers them on.)
BRENNAN: You nervous?
BOOTH: About what, huh? Throw a few to make it look good and let Walt take me down.
(One woman knocks the other woman down.)
REFEREE: It's over! Your winner, Diana the Destroyer. (crowd cheers.) Alright, ladies and gentleman. We got some fresh blood to shed for you tonight. The great Tony the Tiger!
(Crowd booing.)
BRENNAN: Why are they booing?
BOOTH: They find it more fun than cheering.
RANDOM WOMAN: (O.S.) What's up, Tony!
(Nick walks over to the Referee)
BRENNAN: That's the guy from Nolan's gym.
BOOTH: Yeah. I had a feeling we'd see him again.
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: Hey, Tone.
BOOTH: What are you doing over here?
BRENNAN: Yeah. You're supposed to be over there?
REFEREE: Hold on, folks. There's been a change in the card.
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: Sorry, man. They pulled me.
BOOTH: They what?
REFEREE: In this corner, a man who needs no introduction. MONROE!!
AGENT WALT SUGARMAN: They said Monroe would be a bigger draw for the bettors.
BOOTH: Yeah, ya know. He's sorta bigger everything.
(Monroe grunts)
REFEREE: Alright, ladies and gentleman, place your bets. Last call for wagers right now. Get your money down.
(Monroe grunts again)
BRENNAN: You can't fight him, Booth. He'll kill you.
BOOTH: I really don't have a choice, Roxie.
REFEREE: Tiger, center ring. Now.
MAN: You're gonna get your ass kicked, Tiger!
(Booth moves into the ring and stands in front of his opponent.)
REFEREE: Okay, boys. On my signal. (he moves back) KILL!
(Immediately, Monroe throws the first punch.)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. The squints are re-enacting Billie & Marisol's fight using the machines.)
ZACK: Damage to Billie's scapula and thoracic vertebrae.
CAM: Force and velocity match patella damage to Marisol's left knee.
ZACK: This contusion on Billie's fifth rib, the mark looks like it was delivered by a heel or a fist.
(Cut to: Underground Fight Club. Booth & Monroe's actions mirror what the squints are talking about back in the lab.)
ZACK: (V.O.) Now a right, followed by a grab to the throat and Billie's down again.
CAM: (V.O) More damage to the scapula.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab)
HODGINS: Whoa, easy on Billie's chest there, Marisol.
ZACK: Hairline fracture of Billie's sternum at the third costal cartilage is congruent with damage to Marisol's left hand.
CAM: And we have another match.
(Cut to: Underground Fight Club.)
HODGINS: (V.O.) Billie ducks and than causes the maxillary fractures on Marisol's skull.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab)
ZACK: Marisol seems to favor the right-to-the-body left-to-the-head combo.
MARISOL: I do not.
CAM: You can deny it all you want. We've got the evidence right here.
(Cut to: Underground Fight Club.)
ZACK: (V.O.) The choke hold -
BRENNAN: (she rushes to where Booth is) Excuse me! Tony!
ZACK: (V.O.) matches the bruising on Billie's neck.
BRENNAN: Tony, stay down. Monroe has calcium deposits on his left medial epicondyle.
BOOTH: And that helps me how?
(Monroe picks Booth up off the floor and goes after him again as Brennan tries to make her way though the crowd to get closer to him)
BRENNAN: Excuse me, excuse me. He can't extend his arm and and he lacks a range of motion in his quadratus lumborum, Hit him there.
BOOTH: Hit him where?
BRENNAN: His lower back, above his right kidney
(Booth breaks away from Monroe)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab)
HODGINS: The tide has turned my friend.
MARISOL: I told ya she could fight.
HODGINS: She doesn't fight. She dominates.
(Cut to: Underground Fight Club.)
(Booth starts hitting Monroe where Brennan told him to - and it works. He actually may win this.)
BRENNAN: (shouting above the crowd) Give him your Nolan Move!
(Booth does the Nolan move and knocks the guy to the ground. Everyone is shocked.)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab)
HODGINS: Wow.
CAM: You can say that again?
ZACK: How could I missed that?
ANGELA: We all missed it, Zack.
MARISOL: Missed what? What is it?
(Cam walks off.)
(Cut to: Underground Fight Club.)
REFEREE: Your winner! The last man standing! (crowd is groaning and booing.) Tony the Man-eating Tiger! (Brennan runs over and hugs him) Tony the Tiger!
BOOTH: I did it.
(Brennan's phone rings)
Referee (points to booth): Your winner.
MAN: (O.S.) Are you kidding me!
BRENNAN: (into phone) Hey Cam.
CAM: We missed it. The fatal blow was obscured by all her other injuries. Marisol cracked Billie's ribs, but not hard enough to puncture the lung. It was a bat. The same baseball bat that killed the federal prosecutor.
(Brennan hangs up the phone)
BOOTH: What is it?
BRENNAN: (whispering into his ear) It was a baseball bat that killed Billie, just like the one used on Roberts.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office.)
ANGELA: So when you're dressed, the agent will take you back to the airport. Marisol...Why do you fight?
MARISOL: Where else am I gonna make a thousand in one night, without selling myself? And I can make even more betting on myself, as long as I ain't greedy.
ANGELA: What do you mean, greedy?
MARISOL: Bookies don't mind us making a few bucks on the side. But just a few.
ANGELA: Had you bet on your fight with Billie?
MARISOL: Girl cost me two hundred dollars.
ANGELA: Had Billie bet on herself? Marisol.
MARISOL: From what I heard, some guys picked Billie up after the fight. They didn't look to happy.
ANGELA: Why didn't you tell the police? Or tell us?
MARISOL: Look, I might not have much but what I got I aim to keep.
ANGELA: What could be so important to you that could let somebody get away with murder?
MARISOL: My daughter. She's two. She lives with my mom, okay? And if they find out I was brought here-
ANGELA: Who's they?
MARISOL: Look, I don't know. And I don't want to know. I'm sorry.
(Cut to: Underground Fight Club.)
BRENNAN: (on the phone): Thanks Angela. (she hangs up, then to Booth.) So we were right. Billie bet on herself, which is why I bet on you.
BOOTH: You bet on me?
BRENNAN: Yeah, With Nick, the guy from Nolan's gym. It was one of two reasons, actually, but when I heard the odds I couldn't-
BOOTH: My odds?
BRENNAN: Yeah.
BOOTH:What were they?
BRENNAN: You were a 20-to-1 underdog, So I bet with Nick figuring that-
BOOTH: Wait. 20-to-1 against? Really? Did I look that bad?
BRENNAN: If Nick pays me, he's not our guy. But if he doesn't pay me, it may not prove he killed Billie, but it'll put him in a strong contention.
BOOTH: At the very least. Very smart, Bones. What was the other reason?
BRENNAN: (she smiles.) Come on. I have winnings to collect.
(Cut to: Booth and Brennan walking over to Nick.)
BRENNAN: Hey, Nick! Thought you ran out on us.
NICK: Nick Arno don't run from anybody, Sweetheart.
BOOTH: Arno? Sweet Pete's kid?
NICK: That was quite a show you put on tonight, army boy.
BOOTH: Yeah, well, you know. I had my lucky charm here.
BRENNAN: And I believe you owe us some money.
NICK: I suppose but see the gentleman I answer to? There's sort of have an unwritten rule about fighters getting greedy. Applies to their spouses too, I'm afraid.
BRENNAN: No, we're not married. We're not even engaged
BOOTH: Wait, what's the rule?
NICK: Enjoy a taste, but never expect a meal. Least of all with a ringer involved.
BOOTH: Wait, I ain't no ringer.
BRENNAN: Well, what's a ringer?
BOOTH: They think I cheated.
NICK: She's good, army boy. Real good. But I seen Monroe take out whole biker gangs.
BRENNAN: Then I want my thousand bucks back.
NICK: Consider it a fine.
BRENNAN: Fine? Are you serious?
NICK: Maybe I'm not making myself clear here. As our new top seed, he works for us now. You don't just punch out our best guy and walk away. Not when there's more money to be made.
BOOTH: You think you can make me fight for you?
NICK: You only find out if you don't.
BOOTH: Than you know what? I want to talk to this gentleman you answer to.
NICK: And I want world peace. Look, take my advice. Let Joe here escort you safely back to your hotel. Let your beautiful - whatever-she-is - ice your wounds. In about a day or two, we'll come and get you for your next fight. Get 'em outta here, Joe. (Nick leaves)
JOE: Let's go.
(Cut to: Alleyway behind fight club.)
JOE: I vouched for you, so it's my ass in the sling. You understand?
BRENNAN: We didn't mean to get you in trouble.
JOE: Yet, here I am. (to booth) So you're going to do exactly what Nick says. Now, the people that are running things, they don't play. I got enough strikes against me as it is.
(Joe scratches his elbow.)
BRENNAN: You got an itch, Joe?
BOOTH: What?
BRENNAN: (whispering to Booth) The cortisone. If it wasn't injected, it could've been topical, like the pine oil. They're both common ingredients in lotions used to treat skin ailments-
JOE: What the hell is she talking about?
BOOTH: She's talking about your rash.
BRENNAN: Psoriasis?
JOE: Eczema, which is none of your concern. Let's go.
BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa. Where we gonna go, Joe? We going back to our hotel? Or mile marker 15?
BRENNAN: Where we found Billie Morgan and Mason Roberts. You remember them.
JOE: Who are you people?
BOOTH: I'm with the FBI, Joe. Look, I don't have my badge, I don't have my gun, but you'd be wise to believe me now. You have a choice.
JOE: What kind of choice do I have?
BOOTH: To be the man that you were before you threw your first fight. Or you wind up dead like the rest of these guys. You were the real deal. You were strong and fast. Everybody wanted to fight like you.
JOE: There was so much money. Easy money. I thought I can handle it. He was gonna get me another shot at the title.
BRENNAN: Who?
JOE: Nick's father, Sweet Pete. And he's owned me ever since. Made me throw more fights.
BOOTH: Made you kill Mason Roberts?
JOE: I didn't kill anybody. I just buried him.
BOOTH: For Pete?
(Joe nods.)
BRENNAN: And when Billie Morgan want her bet, you buried her too.
JOE: She was a sweet kid, just looking for a way out. I begged Pete to let her be.
BRENNAN: He killed her.
JOE: Might as well done it myself. I brought her in here. I knew what kind of punks she'd be dealing with.
BOOTH: Bad enough you're under Sweet Pete's thumb, but now you're under his son's too?
JOE: That's what happens when you're luck turns in this town. You keep hoping it's going to turn around again. Hoping you're going to get back to even. But you never do.
BOOTH: Write your own story now, Joe. You can make Nick, Sweet Pete, all his friends just disappear. The way they did to Billie and Roberts.
(Cut to: Hotel Room. Brennan is packing while Booth is watching the news.)
TV REPORTER: (V.O.) Vegas authorities have arrested Nick Arno- along with his father, Tangiers Casino gaming executive, Peter Arno, otherwise known as Sweet Pete, in connection with the murder five years ago of prosecutor Mason Roberts, among others.
BRENNAN: "Among others?" Is that what Billie Morgan is to these people? Others?
BOOTH: It's day one Bones, relax. You know what? Billie - Billie's gonna have her story told. It's just a matter of time. So what was the, uh, second reason?
BRENNAN: What?
BOOTH: Uh, you never told me the second reason why, uh, why you bet on me.
BRENNAN: Yeah, it was...silly.
BOOTH: Well, come on. Try me.
BRENNAN: Beginner's Luck. I haven't lost at anything since I've been here. So, well, I - I figured if I bet on you, then-
BOOTH: I couldn't lose.
BRENNAN: Sounds silly, right?
BOOTH: It sounds familiar. Thanks
BRENNAN: You're welcome.
(They hold their stare for a few moments)
BRENNAN:You Ready?
BOOTH: Yeah, let's go.
(They grab the bags and leave.)
END. | Plan: A: The team; Q: Who heads to the outskirts of Las Vegas to investigate the murder of a missing federal prosecutor? A: Las Vegas; Q: Where do the team head to investigate the murder of a missing federal prosecutor? A: a related murder; Q: What is the case of the female boxer? A: Booth; Q: Who is the detective who finds himself face to face with his old addiction? A: his old addiction; Q: What does Booth find himself face to face with while questioning a suspect at a casino? A: gambling; Q: What is Booth's old addiction? A: Bones; Q: Who does Booth go undercover with? A: an underground fight circuit; Q: What do Booth and Bones infiltrate to find out who or what killed the victims? Summary: The team head to the outskirts of Las Vegas to investigate the murder of a missing federal prosecutor and a related murder of a female boxer. While questioning a suspect at a casino, Booth finds himself face to face with his old addiction: gambling. He and Bones go undercover as a couple to infiltrate an underground fight circuit to find out who or what got the victims killed. |
ACT ONE
A ROOM WITH FOUR VIEWS
Scene One - Frasier's Bathroom The Bathroom is dark, lit only by candles. Martin is having a massage. He tells his story.
Martin: Ow! Easy.
Masseur: Sorry, your neck is tight.
Martin: Yeah, well, it's been a tense couple of days.
Masseur: The holidays'll do that to you.
Martin: Yeah well, this has been the worst Christmas ever. It all started yesterday...
DISSOLVE TO: Frasier's Apartment. Martin and Frasier are decorating the tree by the balcony. Niles is making a small decoration whilst sipping his eggnog.
Martin: You know the only part about Christmas I don't like? How quickly it's all over!
Frasier: Yes. Come December 26th, it's all just a memory. With nothing but your light decorating touch to remind us.
Daphne enters the room with Eddie. She watches the scene, unknowingly under the mistletoe.
Daphne: Afternoon, all!
Martin: Oh, hi Daphne!
Niles: Oh! That's awfully dangerous, Daphne, standing there under that mistletoe.
Frasier: That's enough eggnog, Niles! [takes his cup away]
Daphne: You know, the oddest thing just happened. [Niles takes Daphne's coat, sniffing the fragrances] I was walking Eddie past that church over on Chestnut. And he turned to go inside, like he assumed that was where we were going.
Frasier: That's strange! He did exactly the same thing with me yesterday when I was walking him.
Daphne: Any idea why he would do that, Mr. Crane?
Martin: Look, that dog's always doing weird things! Yesterday, when we were taking our bath together, Eddie spent fifteen straight minutes pushing the soap around with his nose like an otter. It's weird! [goes into the kitchen]
Frasier: Yes, if he gets any weirder, we'll have to send "Eddie" to a home.
Frasier follows Martin into the kitchen. Martin begins to pour himself some eggnog. Niles and Daphne stay in the living room.
Frasier: Well, I'm off, I've got all my Christmas shopping to do yet.
Martin: All of it?
Frasier: Yes, well, I'm determined not to settle this year. I want my gifts to be remembered and cherished long after the holidays.
Martin: Well, you know, nothing is cherished quite so much as the gift of laughter.
Frasier: If you want that "Highway Patrol Bloopers" tape, you're gonna have to buy it yourself! [Martin starts to take a sip] Oh, Dad! You're not going to drink that that way, are you?
Martin: Why?
Frasier opens the cupboard and takes out some spices to enflavor Martin's egg-nog.
Frasier: My Goodness, the first mistake in eggnog preparation is failing to garnish it properly with a dash of nutmeg. [Frasier sprinkles some on] There we are.
Martin: Oh!
Martin takes a sip and spits it out in a fit of coughing. Frasier checks the jar.
Frasier: Of course, the second mistake is placing the paprika next to the nutmeg on the spice shelf.
Daphne: [calls from the living room.] Mr. Crane, are you alright?
Frasier: We're fine, Daphne! You all right, Dad?
Martin: Yeah, I'm fine. Listen Frasier, before you go, can I talk to you for a minute?
Frasier: Well sure, what is it?
Martin: Well, you know what Daphne was talking about? There is a reason Eddie knows that church. I've been taking him there.
Frasier: I guess the family that bathes together prays together.
Martin: Well, no. But there's this priest, Father Curtis, he got to know Eddie in the park and he asked if they could use him for the Christmas pageant and I said sure. Well, the next thing I know, he's roped me in to play a shepherd. Well then, Dutch Gaansvort comes down with bronchitis and I get promoted to a wise man...
Frasier: Dad, is there a point to this story looming somewhere on the horizon?
Martin: As a wise man, I have to sing a song. I said, well that was fine, but this song's a killer. I'm going to humiliate myself!
Frasier: Oh well, maybe you just need a little rehearsal. Why don't we work on it tonight?
Martin: Really? Do you think that would help?
Frasier: Sure! You're a good singer, you're just a little rusty. Start around eight?
Martin: OK. Yeah, I am a good singer! Remember those old family picnics when I used to belt out "What's New, Pussycat"?
Frasier: We'll start around seven, then. [walks out] Niles, hold the elevator!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment Later, the Crane Boys are at the piano, when Martin enters holding his song book.
Martin: Hey boys, this is that song I was telling you about, "Oh Holy Night," do you know it?
Frasier: Well, of course Dad, it's a classic. My God, it all builds up to that one glorious note. "Oh night, [high] de-viiiine, oh..."
Martin: Yes, yes, that's the note I can't hit. I practice in my room and Eddie ends up burying his head under the pillow.
Niles: Don't worry, Dad, we'll get you there.
Martin: All right, can we just can this done? I want to get it all finished before Daphne gets back. I don't want her to know anything about this or she'll insist on coming down to the pageant, and I'm nervous enough as it is.
Frasier: Fine.
Niles: [sits at piano] Let's just see what we have to work with. Why don't you start here, "Oh night," and I want to hear you really attack the note. [plays]
Martin: [singing:] Oh night, When Christ was born. Oh night di-viiiine!!
Martin sings di-viiiine badly and Eddie ends up burying his head under the pillow on the Armchair.
Niles: Sometimes the note sees the attack coming and retreats! The person in the upstairs apartment pounds through the ceiling.
Martin: Shut up! This bozo upstairs, he bangs on the floor every time I start to sing.
Frasier: Just ignore him, Dad. I tell you what, there is another vocal exercise I remember, it was very useful to me when I was singing Colonel Fairfax in "Yeoman Of The Guard." The principal is to distract yourself with a physical exercise, thus freeing the voice. You hit one note and you slide up the octave as you descend slowly into a crouched position. Observe.
Frasier does this.
Frasier: You see? It works.
Niles: That's very interesting. I wonder if the reverse is true.
So, he starts in a crouched position and slides down an octave as he stands up. The mad couple do this for a while, creating a strange sight.
Frasier: Try it, Dad.
Martin: No, I'm afraid with three of us doing it, it might look stupid.
Niles: I'm starting to think your problem is all psychological. No, no, no, I think you've convinced yourself you can't reach the note...
Martin: Yeah, I've convinced the guy upstairs too!
Frasier: No, I think Niles may be right, Dad. You just need some positive reinforcement. Let's try it again. This time, try to eliminate any negative thoughts. Let's go again, Niles, "Fall on your knees."
Martin sings the carol, whilst Niles & Frasier (through fixed smiles) throw in some positive encouragement.
Martin: "Fall on your knees..."
Frasier: I hear sweet music!
Martin: "Oh, hear the angels' voices..."
Niles: I hear one angel!
Martin: "Oh, night divine..."
Frasier: Something's divine!
Niles: Yeah, Dad!
Martin: "Oh night, when Christ was born..."
Frasier: A star is born!
Martin: "Oh, night..."
Frasier: Bring it home now!
But even that doesn't work and Martin fails again, cracking apart on "divine" - causing Eddie to bury his head under the pillow and the man above to bang on the ceiling again.
All: Oh, shut up!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Bathroom Now it's Daphne's turn for the Masseur. She begins her story.
Masseur: Your shoulders are awfully tight.
Daphne: Yeah, it's been a stressful few days.
Masseur: I'd be happy to listen.
Daphne: Oh, no... well, it started yesterday. I had something on my mind. Lucky for me, Dr. Crane's brother was over. He's always been such a good friend to me...
DISSOLVE TO: replay of Scene One: the scene is set the same way as before. Martin and Frasier are decorating the tree by the balcony. Niles is making a small decoration whilst sipping his eggnog. Daphne enters the room with Eddie. She watches the scene, unknowingly under the mistletoe.
Daphne: Afternoon, all!
Martin: Oh, hi Daphne!
Niles: Oh, that's awfully dangerous, Daphne, standing under that mistletoe. A piece could fall into your eye.
Frasier: Let me freshen your drink, Niles! [takes his cup away]
Daphne: Thank you, Dr. Crane. The oddest thing just happened. [Niles takes Daphne's coat] I was walking Eddie past that church over on Chestnut, and he turned to go inside, like he assumed that was where we were going.
Frasier: That's strange! He did exactly the same thing yesterday when I was walking him.
Daphne: Any idea why he would do that, Mr. Crane?
Martin: Nope! [shrugs] Dogs are weird!
Frasier and Martin enter the kitchen. Niles and Daphne stay in the living room and begin chatting.
Daphne: You know, that worries me a bit.
Niles: What does?
Daphne: Well, I think your father's been going to that church. I had an uncle who did the same thing. He had no interest in church his whole life. Then he started going everyday. It turns out he had some bad health news from his doctor. He didn't even last a year.
Niles: Well, first of all, I can see you're upset, so come here.
[they hug]
Daphne: Thank you, Dr. Crane, you're always so supportive!
Niles: And second of all, I think you're worrying over nothing. I've never known my father to have so much as a hangnail without letting everyone know about it.
Daphne: That's true. Maybe I just got myself worked up remembering my Uncle John.
Niles: Look at you, just saying his name gets you upset. Come here.
Daphne: Well, I'm fine!
Niles: No, no, you need a hug.
Daphne: Oh, all right.
As they hug, Martin coughs in the kitchen because of the eggnog.
Daphne: Mr. Crane, are you alright?
Frasier: [worried] We're... fine, Daphne.
Niles: See, nothing to worry about. Well, I have got to run.
Frasier: [coming out] Oh, hold the elevator, Niles! See you soon, Daphne.
Daphne: Bye!
Frasier: And, uh, Dad? [hurries to the door] Listen, don't worry. We'll... Niles and I will... be there for you.
They leave. Now Daphne is very worried. Martin comes out.
Daphne: What's that about?
Martin: Oh, never mind! Well, I gotta go lie down.
Daphne: Mr. Crane, did you ever call Dr. Stuart, for the results of your physical?
Martin: Em, sure, couple of days ago.
Daphne: And?
Martin: Em, fine. Come on, Eddie.
He pauses and looks at the tree.
Daphne: Is everything all right?
Martin: Oh yeah. It's just all over so fast!
As he goes to his room, Daphne holds back the tears.
Daphne: [v.o.] Well, that was enough to convince me I was right. And the next 24 hours were a living hell! The worst came the next day...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Four - Apartment Martin is on the phone to the church about the pageant as Daphne enters with a shopping bag.
Martin: Well, you know, I'm terrified about this, Father. All this came around so sudden. I'm not prepared. Now tell me again what I'm supposed to say when I see Jesus the first time? OK. All right. Well, thank you. Yeah, see you soon, bye.
He puts the phone down. Daphne holds back her tears again.
Martin: Oh hi, Daphne!
Daphne: [brave smile] Hello! I'm just so excited about the gift I just got for you, Mr. Crane.
Martin: Oh, great!
Daphne: Why don't you open it now?
[puts a parcel on the Armchair]
Martin: Oh, I'd love to, but to tell you the truth, I don't really have much time, I'm kind of on my way out. [Daphne begins to cry] Oh, OK, all right! I'll open it now, sure, sure. I don't want to get you upset! You must be really excited about this!
He pulls out an awful (but his style) sweater.
Martin: Oh, wow! It's that sweater! The one I pointed out to you in that window! It's great! Boy, I can die a happy man now! [Daphne bursts into tears] Daphne, what's the matter, are you all right?
Daphne: Oh, Mr. Crane, I know why you've been going down to that church!
Martin: You do? Well, you're not supposed to know about that! But why is it making you so upset?
Daphne: Because I care about you! You were actually going to let this whole thing happen without ever telling a soul!
Martin: Well, yes! I-I don't want people staring at me in church, stiff as a board, all that makeup on my face.
He goes to get his coat. Daphne sinks onto the couch, weeping.
Daphne: So... how much time have you got?
Martin: Uh, about twenty minutes.
Daphne: [confused] Twenty minutes?
Martin: Yeah, and boy, will I be glad when it's all over. This is the last Christmas pageant I'm ever signing up for!
Daphne: You're in a Christmas pageant?!
Martin: Well, yeah! What did you think I was talking about?
Daphne: I thought you were dying!
Martin: What?!
Daphne: Well, you'd just got your test results back, you're down at the church all the time. [Martin laughs] Why are you laughing?
Martin: Well, it's funny!
Daphne: I don't think it's so bloody funny!
Martin: Are you kidding? [acts as if hanged] Oh, I'm dying!
Daphne: You will be! [hurls a pillow at him]
Martin: What are you doing? Daphne, don't do that!
They argue for a while before starting to throw pillows at each other. Meanwhile, Niles enters - his suit is a rag, his face is smeared and he can hardly walk. He collapses behind the sofa, which stops Martin's and Daphne's argument.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Bathroom Daphne finishes her story, and Niles is now being massaged by the Masseur.
Masseur: You can talk about it if you like.
Niles: Oh, I'm not ready just yet. [falls asleep]
End of Act One. Time: (10:55) Act Two.
Scene Six - Bathroom Niles is lying on his back on the massage table.
Niles: Oh, I can't tell you how good that feels. I don't think I've ever had a massage like this before!
The camera pans up the table to show that Daphne is the Masseuse this time, dressed in a short, white nurse's uniform and massaging his calf.
Daphne: Well, I'm glad. As long as you're so relaxed, maybe I should just give you your Christmas present right now.
Daphne climbs onto the table, lies on top of him and they kiss deeply. Suddenly, Niles is woken up by the real Masseur.
Niles: OW! You woke me up!
Masseur: Sorry, I guess this ankle's a bit tender.
Niles: Well, yours would be too if you'd had the day I had...
DISSOLVE TO: the Elliot Bay Towers lobby: Niles is waiting for the elevator.
Niles: [v.o.] I'd gone out to do some shopping, then I arrived at Frasier's building.
The elevator doors open, he enters it. There is an elderly husband and wife there (Albert & Jane) and a woman about his age (Doris). He squeezes in next to an inappropriate, extremely large Christmas tree that takes up most of the car.
Niles: Excuse me. I'm sorry, I don't mean to crowd you. This is a brand-new, hand-tailored Italian suit. You know how difficult it is to get sap out of silk.
Albert: Another reason we didn't need this tree.
Jane: Oh, Albert!
The lift starts going up.
Albert: This thing's a fire hazard.
Niles: You know, they make a chemical now that you can use to fireproof a tree.
Albert: It causes cancer.
Niles: Happy Holidays, then.
The elevator stops and everyone worries.
Jane: What just happened?
Doris: I think the elevator's stopped.
Niles: Well, not to worry, I'm sure we'll get it going in a moment.
Albert: We've probably got about twenty minutes of oxygen.
Niles: Sir, you're just going to alarm everyone.
Doris: I work in an ER.
Niles: Ah! Well, perhaps you can instruct these people on the best way to stay cool in a crisis.
Doris: I was on duty that night the elevator cable snapped at the Bing building. And they brought those people in on cookie sheets.
Niles frantically pushes the help button.
Niles: Hello, is anyone there?
Repairman: Yeah, who is it?
Niles: There's a group of us stuck in one of your elevators. The doors won't open and we can't seem to move off the 8th floor.
Repairman: All right, where are you calling from, sir?
Niles: The Elliot Bay Towers.
Repairman: Well, both my crews are out, it could be a good hour-and- a-half before I could get anybody there.
Doris: But I can't wait that long, my children are alone upstairs in the apartment!
Albert: You haven't got a gas oven up there, have you?
Repairman: Well, there is another way. If somebody felt like climbing through the trap door on top of your car, there's a manual release switch up there that would open up your doors.
Doris: Well, that's what we've gotta do then, somebody's gotta go up there.
Albert: Uhhh, that's a pretty small opening.
Niles: Well obviously, I have more confidence in your wife than you do. [cups his hands toward Jane] Step this way, ma'am, I'll give you a leg up. [Albert slaps his hands down]
Doris: It has to be you.
Niles: Well, uh, I'd have - how do you expect me to get up there?
Doris: Well, you can climb up the tree.
Niles: Oh, come on.
Doris: Well now, surely you climbed plenty of trees when you were a boy.
Jane: That's Dr. Crane's brother.
Albert/Doris: Oh...
Niles: [purses his lips] Fine. I suppose in times of crisis, someone must step forward and be a hero.
He hands his coat to Doris and begins climbing the tree.
Niles: Today that man is Niles Crane! Tomorrow, it will be my dry cleaner, Mr. Lee.
Reaching the top of the tree, he pushes open the trap door.
Albert: All right, come on now, grab his feet and we'll push him through. [everyone does]
Niles: No, no, wait, not so fast!
He disappears up through the trap door and lands with a thud.
Niles: [o.s.] No, not to worry, I landed in a nice, soft puddle of grease. I just have to find the release switch, bear with me...
There is the sound of a lever being pulled. The doors open.
Doris: Quick! They all run out into the hall, leaving Niles behind.
Niles: Did that do anything? People? [sticks his head back down] Where'd you all go?
He gapes as the elevator doors slide shut again, blocking him from the camera's view.
Niles: [from inside the shaft] Oh my God! We're going up! Someone stop this thing!
DISSOLVE TO: the 19th Floor. The elevator doors open, and Niles and the tree tumble into the hallway. He crawls out, his suit in tatters and covered in mud and grease.
Niles: [every inch agony] Ow... A couple walks past him.
Woman In Hall: Why is that man crawling?
Man In Hall: That's Dr. Crane's brother.
Woman In Hall: Oh...
He stands up and rights himself, then enters the apartment. He walks in on Martin and Daphne arguing, as before, but with considerably more grace than in Daphne's recollection.
Niles: [v.o.] I was slightly shaken by what I had done, but I'd completely composed myself as I arrived at Frasier's. But it was some time later that I was able to tell them what had happened...
DISSOLVE TO: that night: Niles is sitting on the sofa with Daphne, while Frasier watches.
Niles: Of course, I have no idea what you use to get elevator grease out of silk!
Frasier: Well, brown suede seems to leaching it out nicely! [doorbell sounds] Anyway, no Christmas is complete without a bit of tumult. But now we can all relax and enjoy a lovely holiday evening together.
He opens the door to Roz, looking furious.
Roz: Merry Christmas!
She throws a gift box onto the floor - inside, there is the sound of glass breaking - and turns back to the elevator. Frasier follows her out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Seven - Bathroom Roz is now on the massage table. She tells her story.
Roz: You sure you wanna hear about this?
Masseur: Why not?
Roz: OK. Well, I've been feeling a little depressed lately, because I've been putting on all this weight, I'm pregnant...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Her story begins in Café Nervosa, where Niles, Frasier and Martin are having their usual rendezvous. Roz enters and sits down.
Roz: Hey, guys! [they all greet her; to Niles] That's a nice suit.
Niles: Well, thank you. It's brand new, and so since you'll probably be ordering food, I think I'll just go, rather than risk getting it stained.
Roz: What is that supposed to be? Some kind of crack about how much I eat?
Niles: Absolutely not, it was a crack about your table manners.
[leaves]
Martin: Well, I should go too. I just got a couple of hours before the pageant and I need the time to rehearse.
Frasier: Oh, not to worry, Dad. Come tomorrow, it'll all be a memory.
Daphne comes through the door, unnoticed by anybody.
Martin: Yeah, but even after it's all over, I still have to make peace with the man upstairs!
Daphne runs into the bathroom, crying. When Martin leaves, Roz starts her chat.
Roz: So, Frasier, are you sure we have to do this charity thing this afternoon?
Frasier: Oh, come on, Roz. It's just an hour out of your life! Besides, I think you're gonna make an adorable Mrs. Claus.
Roz: Why? Because now I look so much like her, because I've gotten so fat?!
Frasier's mobile rings. He answers.
Frasier: Hello? Why, yes, Mrs. Doyle, yes, she is. Just a moment. [to Roz] It's your mom, they forwarded her from the office.
Roz: [into phone:] Hello, Mom? Yes, I got your message. Yep, I'm picking you up at the airport, 10 AM. Right, I'm looking forward to seeing you, too. Bye!
Frasier: Oh, wait, wait, let me say "Merry Christmas!"
Roz: Hang on, Mom!
She passes the phone to Frasier, and goes to the bar.
Frasier: [into phone] Mrs. Doyle! Yes, Frasier again. Hi, happy holidays! [lowers voice] Uh, listen, just a word to the wise: Roz has put on quite a few pregnancy pounds of late, and she's really sensitive about it. So, you know, I would just say be careful what you say to her, alright? [Roz comes back] Bye- bye, yes, we'll see you soon, bye!
Roz: [picks up her things] You know, Frasier, I think I'll meet you over there. I still have a couple of gifts to get!
Frasier: Oh, God! I still have all of mine to get. You know, no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to find anything that seems quite right this year!
Roz: Oh, it's really sweet how you're trying to make all your gifts special. I'm sorry I've been so cranky, I'm just nervous about my mom coming. I'm sort of just dreading the big conversation where I finally tell her I'm pregnant.
About thirty seconds must pass before Frasier can speak, during which he inanely pats her shoulder and smiles comfortingly.
Frasier: You mean you haven't told her yet?
Roz: No, it's just not the type of thing you blurt out over the phone!
Frasier's smile widens. His phone rings again.
Roz: Well, I'll let you get that. I'll see you over there.
Frasier: Right. [Roz leaves; he answers his phone] Hello? Yes, I had a feeling you might call back!
DISSOLVE TO: Scene Eight - Shopping Mall Later, Frasier and Roz are Mr. & Mrs. Claus. Frasier is already dressed in full attire on his chair. Roz enters dressed as Mrs. Claus.
Frasier: Oh, Roz! There you are, I was beginning to worry about you.
Roz: Well, you should have! I am on the verge of a complete breakdown! Shopping was a disaster! And when I went to slip into this darling little costume, my pants split.
Frasier: Oh!
Roz: And on top of all that, I can't stop thinking about my mom! How am I going to tell her?!
Frasier: Well, Roz, if you'd like, I could tell her for you.
Roz: Are you kidding?! She's gonna be mad enough that I waited three months to tell her, the only thing worse would be to hear it from someone else!
Frasier: Well, it's entirely possible she already knows.
Roz: No way, the only person who knows she's spoken to is you- Oh my God! Frasier!
Frasier: [welcoming first girl] OK! Ho-ho-ho, who's first?
The first girl, Sally, comes and sits on his lap.
Roz: What is wrong with you? I'm going to kill you!
Sally: You're going to kill Santa?
Frasier: No, little girl, Mrs. Claus just wants to kiss me.
Roz: Yeah, I'll kiss you. Come 'ere, I'll kiss you good!
[gives Sally a candy cane] Here, run along! [to Frasier] Are you insane?
Frasier: Roz, you tell your mother everything, how was I supposed to know?!
The next child, Billy, sits on his lap.
Frasier: Ho-ho-ho.
Billy: Hi Santa, I want a pony for Christmas.
Roz: You got it, now beat it!
Billy: [running off] Mommy, Mommy, I'm gonna get a pony!
Frasier: Can't we talk about this later?
Roz: No, we can't!
Vic, a big kid, comes up.
Vic: Hi, Santa.
Roz: Oh My God! What are you, twenty? Get outta here! [Vic leaves]
Frasier: Roz, will you just try to stay calm?
Roz: No, I will not stay calm! Because I am not calm, I am completely freaked! [slams her glasses to the ground] I am pregnant, and you told my crazy mother, and my Christmas is ruined, and I'm too fat to even be Mrs. Santa, and I hate this holiday!
She runs out, kicking a bag of presents. The mothers and children look shocked.
Frasier: Mrs. Claus was up very late last night.
DISSOLVE TO: Scene Nine - Frasier's Apartment Roz is outside Frasier's door with a gift box, angrily stabbing the doorbell.
Roz: [v.o.] Of course I still had to stop by Frasier's, I had to give him his champagne glasses.
Frasier answers the door, and Roz once again throws the present to the floor shouting "Merry Christmas!" Frasier once again goes after her.
Frasier: Roz, don't go! Come on, look, I'm sorry about what happened, but it was a mistake, you can't stay mad at me.
Roz: I still have to face my mother tomorrow!
Frasier: Well, we can talk about that. Come on in. Please, come in? [caressing her belly] Look, how would it look if I turned a pregnant lady away on Christmas Eve when there's so much room here at the inn?
Roz rolls her eyes, but allows Frasier to steer her back inside. Daphne and Niles are sitting there moodily, Daphne with her head resting on her arm, Niles still picking elevator grease from his suit. Frasier tries to cheer things up.
Frasier: Niles, Daphne, Roz is here!
Niles/Daphne: [bored] Hi.
Roz: [imitating] Hi.
Frasier: Oh, come on, people! Let's liven things up a little, it's Christmas Eve! What are the Cranes known for if not their legendary holiday spirit?
Martin enters in a storm, dressed as a wise man, with Eddie.
Martin: I hate singing and I hate Christmas and I'm going to bed!
Frasier: Dad, what happened?
Martin: Well, I went into my song and everything was going fine. Then we come up to the high note, and I actually think I'm going to hit it for once. Then I look over and I see Eddie. He's got his head buried in the Christ Child's cradle! Well, I guess he mistook the Christ Child for one of his chew toys because he grabs a hold of it inis teeth and starts shaking it! So, the Virgin Mary grabbed hold of its legs, well, you know how Eddie likes a good tug-of-war, so they're going at it, then Eddie runs out of there with it still in his mouth and half the population of Bethlehem chasing after him! I never should have agreed to be in that pageant!
Daphne: You would have saved me a lot of grief!
Martin: Oh, don't start this again!
Niles: Don't you talk to her like that!
Frasier: Now come on everybody, let's not say something we're going to regret!
Roz: Oh, you're one to talk!
Everyone starts arguing. Until:
Frasier: [shouting] ALL RIGHT! THAT IS ENOUGH! [they shut up] This is the night we celebrate peace and togetherness! I will not have that ruined! [slowly] I intend to put us all in the right frame of mind, by giving you all my gift. As you know, I was determined to make my gifts this year a little more meaningful. And after a great deal of effort I believe I have. My gift does not come from some fancy store, all wrapped in glittery paper, my gift comes from my heart. Tonight, I intend to sit each one of you down, and tell you in my own words, exactly how much you mean to me.
The rest then begin commenting on how awful the present is: "That's it?" "Are you out of your mind?" "That's the worst idea I ever heard!"
Frasier: Or, I could get someone over to give us all massages.
The rest say what a much better idea that is after four tough days. Frasier picks up the phone.
End of Act Two. Time: (21:22)
[SCENE_BREAK]
We see Niles at the piano, with Roz, Daphne and Martin singing "Deck the Halls." All are wearing bathrobes, and all look very relaxed.
The "bozo" from upstairs hits the floor again, which gets the three mad. Martin and Niles yell, "Oh, shut up!" Daphne goes out to the balcony to shout upwards, and Martin calls him on the phone. Roz is confused by it all. | Plan: A: flashbacks; Q: What is the main format of the episode? A: Daphne; Q: Who is worried that Martin is keeping something from her? A: Roz; Q: Who has not told her mother she is pregnant? A: their stories; Q: What do the Cranes tell while getting massages? A: massages; Q: What is the Christmas present that Martin, Daphne, Niles and Roz receive from Frasier? A: Christmas; Q: What holiday is approaching? A: a miserable time; Q: What has everyone in the Crane household been having? A: a Wise Man; Q: What role has Martin volunteered to play in a local church pageant? A: O Holy Night; Q: What song does Martin have to sing in the church pageant? A: one dangerously high note; Q: What is in the song "O Holy Night" that makes Martin nervous? A: the results; Q: What was Martin expecting from a recent physical examination? A: the Elliot Bay Towers elevator; Q: Where did Niles get trapped in? A: his brand new suit; Q: What does Niles ruin when he gets trapped in the elevator? A: a phone call; Q: How does Frasier get to know about Roz's pregnancy? A: Roz's mother; Q: Who calls Frasier to tell him about Roz's weight gain? Summary: The episode is mostly in the form of flashbacks from Martin, Daphne, Niles, and Roz in turn, who tell their stories while receiving massages (their Christmas present from Frasier). Christmas is approaching, and everyone in the Crane household has been having a miserable time. Martin has volunteered to play the part of a Wise Man in a local church pageant, and one of the requirements is to sing " O Holy Night ", which contains one dangerously high note. He has not told Daphne, but she detects he is keeping something from her, and knowing that he was expecting the results of a recent physical examination , she fears the worst. Niles gets trapped in the Elliot Bay Towers elevator and has to climb out, completely ruining his brand new suit. Frasier takes a phone call from Roz's mother, who will be visiting for Christmas, and advises her to be sympathetic to Roz about her pregnancy weight gain, unaware that Roz has yet to tell her mother she is pregnant. |
Opening scene - Cohen kitchen, morning - the first thing we see is Seth looking at his chin in the reflection of some sort of door. I can't tell what it's to, but it's around the corner from the fridge. Ryan is also in the kitchen
Ryan: (looks at Seth) why d'you keep touching your face
Seth: (frowns) last night before I went to bed I had the sensation of a pimple about to surface, this morning...skins as clear as a smogless sky
Ryan: (at the fridge) an that's a problem because
Seth: (sighs) Ryan don't ya see (holds up hands)
Ryan: (shuts fridge) not so much
Seth: things are goin way too well around here
Ryan: (looks at Seth) ...what
Seth: Marissa got back inta Harbor, you guys seem to of resolved your surftastic love triangle, my girlfriend got a near perfect score on her SAT's but we've never been happier
Ryan: Seth its senior year its (raises eyebrows) suppose'ta be best year ever
Seth: no you should know better, every time things are goin too well around here, is when doom comes'a knockin
Ryan: (looks at Seth, raises eyebrows) doom
Seth: a knockin
Ryan: mm
(we hear the doorbell)
Seth: (points) or a ringin
(Ryan looks towards the door and frowns)
Seth: right on time, don't answer it it's probably a flaming bag of crap
Ryan: (walks away) or FedEx
(Seth makes an "eek" face. Ryan goes to answer the door)
Ryan: (opens door) yeah
(a young girl is standing with her back to the door. she also has a small suitcase next to her. she turns around and looks at Ryan)
Kaitlin: (frowns) so I show up at my house to suprise my mom...an this Persian dude answers the door
Ryan: (mouth agape) uhh I'm-I'm sorry
Kaitlin: I figured he was the new butler...but then I saw his shoes (raises eyebrows) Prada (Ryan looks at her, confused) I thought, maybe he was my new step-dad...an I was about'a like hug him (squints) an then his wife shows up, no matter how rich the guy is my mother would never join a harem
Ryan: uh I don't-
Kaitlin: so I was like Persian dude, what're you doing at my house, an where is my mother an he was all like who is your mother (Ryan nods, frowns) so I told him, an he tells me that my mother moved an that all the mail is being forwarded here
Ryan: (still not realising) uhh I think that you may have-
Kaitlin: are you gonna invite me in or what (Ryan looks down, frustrated) gees Ryan (Ryan suddenly looks at her) I see Newport hasn't improved your manners at all
Ryan: (finally realises) oh my god
(Seth is now standing behind Ryan)
Seth: (frowns) oh my god Kaitlin Cooper
Kaitlin: weird neighour kid (grins sarcastically) hi
Seth: you have uh you've grown-
Kaitlin: (matter of factly, nods) boobs
Seth: (shakes head, softly) no I
(Ryan looks at Seth, Seth mouths "yes" to him and nods almost immaturely lol. Kaitlin looks at them both and walks in with her stuff. Ryan closes the door)
Seth: (to Ryan) oh, it's a knockin
(I just have to describe what Kaitlin is wearing at this moment. for starters she definitely does not look her age (14ish) she has her school uniform on but its sexier than it should be. its kind of like something you'd see on TV or a movie where the girl changes out of the conservative clothing she left the house in, when she gets to school, into the my-parents-can-never-see-me-in-this outfit. she has on a sexy white midriff top that is tied at the bottom to show her belly button and unbuttoned at the top to show cleavage. she has her hair down/out, jacket unbuttoned and her skirt is pretty short. though she is wearing pants or stockings with it so that's not so bad. you'll see in a second why I'm describing her current look)
Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Cohen kitchen - Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and Ryan are now in there together. Seth is sitting down at the far end of the counter and Ryan is standing at the opposite end. Kirsten is making coffee and Sandy is standing at the side of the counter midway between Seth and Ryan
Sandy: (frowns) Kaitlin Cooper, must be two years since she's been back
Kirsten: did she mention why she's home in the middle of a semester
Ryan: we never really got passed where home was
Sandy: oh, Julie wants us to wait till she gets here before we tell Kaitlin-
Seth: that her family's a prime candidate for pimp my double wide
(Summer comes in)
Summer: hey, guys, good morning (to Seth) you ready to go, it's the third day of the Pride an Prejudice mini series in English class (sits on Seth's lap, puts arm around his neck)
Seth: Summer the show you are about ta see has all the makings of a classing Jane Austen novel, you've got sisters, lies an bosoms (Summer frowns, not following)
Ryan: Kaitlin's back
(we hear the sound of a door opening)
Summer: (suprised) mini Cooper
Seth: (looks at Summer) mini Coop not so mini (Summer looks at him)
(Julies comes in followed by Marissa)
Julie: Kaitlin, where's my baby
Kirsten: she's getting herself together
Sandy: the kids a little confused
Julie: yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna tell her, I mean I jus wanted to protect her from everything that's gone on around here, shootings, funerals, public school
Marissa: well just explain it to her, she'll understand (Ryan looks at her)
Julie: honey, you might've understood your your fathers daughter, Kaitlin's me, she's not gonna want our life
Sandy: she came home
Kirsten: (nods) an that means she wants her family more than anything
Kaitlin: (off screen) mom
(everyone looks towards the kitchen arch. Kaitlin is standing there and she has had quite the transformation, this is what I was talking about before. the sexy is gone and she looks more her age now. she has put her hair in 2 plaits, very school girl esque. the white top is now buttoned up as is the jacket. no belly button or cleavage showing now, lol. Julie moves closer to Kaitlin, Kaitlin does the same and they hug. Kaitlin has a huge smile on her face. Seth and Summer watch, Seth frowns and looks at Ryan, Ryan frowns back, lol)
Marissa: hi
Kaitlin: hi
(Marissa and Kaitlin hug)
Julie: sweetie what're you doing here
Kaitlin: d'you even look at my calendar, its mid winter break
Julie: I knew that, its just I figured (mumbles) isn't it fashion week (Kaitlin frowns) I-I thought you'd be in Paris with Alexandra like last year, front row at Chanel (smiles) I saw the photo on wire image
Kaitlin: I thought that you'd be happy to see me
Julie: well I am, of course
Marissa: hey we're so happy to see you
Kaitlin: (looks from Marissa to Julie) so that guy at Caleb's said you moved (Julie looks at her wide eyed)
Summer: ...I think we're gonna be late for school guys
(Summer, Ryan, and Seth start to leave)
Kirsten: (to Sandy) Sandy can I talk to you about the launch party
Sandy: oh I love discussin a party
(Kirsten and Sandy leave. Kaitlin smiles at them, oblivious to the reality check she is about to get)
Marissa: (points) I'm actually gonna be late for school too (Kaitlin nods) but lets do something (hugs Kaitlin) later an catch up ok
Kaitlin: ok
Marissa: bye
Kaitlin: bye
(Marissa leaves, Julie looks at her and then looks back at Kaitlin)
Kaitlin: (lost) ok so what's going on
Julie: ok, d'you remember that email I sent you about Caleb (Kaitlin blinks) there were some financial complications afterwards
CUT TO: The trailer park - Julie and Kaitlin are sitting in the car near Julie's trailer
Kaitlin: oh my god (looks at Julie) we live in a trailer
Julie: well...yes (gets out of the car) but not live live um we're more like refugees (Kaitlin gets out) we're only half'a mile from the beach and well (looks at trailer then Kaitlin) its Tiffany blue (smiles) (Kaitlin looks at her) oh honey this is so temporary, once Kirsten's an my business is up an running everything's gonna be jus like it was
Kaitlin: (looking at the trailer dazed) mm
Julie: so let's go inside
(inside the trailer Julie shows Kaitlin how the pull out bed works)
Julie: an then you pull it open like this...and, whala (puts hand up, sits) it's a bed
Kaitlin: ...well...that's...versatile (smiles)
Julie: oh honey (stands) I'm sorry I know this isn't what your use'to but think of it as a life experience and this is exactly the kind of place Britney Spears is from
Kaitlin: mom its ok, really (shrugs) I mean it's like a slumber party, the three of us...here (smiles)
Julie: oh (picks up stuffed puppy) you still have this puppy Marissa gave you (Kaitlin smiles and takes it) although you didn't really care for him until you found out he was a purse an you could put your pretend credit cards in his belly
Kaitlin: yeah it was that summer in Taho...(raises eyebrows) the whole family together (Julie smiles) I guess it's sentimental
(Julie smiles at Kaitlin, Kaitlin smiles back)
Julie: (gasps) I know lets get our nails done, I wanna hear everything you've been up to in Montecito, although I'm spose'ta be helping Kirsten with our launch but she'll understand
(Julie goes to ring Kirsten just as Kaitlin's cell phone makes a noise)
Julie: you got a message (Kaitlin looks at her cell) somebody from school (gasps) a boy mm (smiles) (Kaitlin grins) (sadly) oooh, my little girls growing up, I'm gonna call Kirsten
(Kaitlin pushes a button and puts her cell phone to her ear Msg:
Guy: hey, its me, I can't believe you just took off like that (Kaitlin frowns) don't think that just because you left town I'm gonna- Kaitlin shuts the cell phone. she looks almost worried. she sits down on the couch dazed)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Ryan and Marissa are in the student lounge together walking and holding coffee
Marissa: its jus the Kaitlin I know is obsessed with her hairless pony...I feel like I've missed this whole part of her life (sits on couch)
Ryan: (sits) puberty
Marissa: an it's all my fault
Ryan: naaah, what're you talkin about
Marissa: well, I mean its not like I ever tried to keep in touch (thinks) in fact we were never really close, it was always her an my mom versus me an my dad
Ryan: well she's home now, you can fix that
(Seth and Summer come over)
Seth: are you talkin about Kaitlin's transformation from horsey tweener to lanky limbed jailbait (Marissa looks at him)
(Seth and Summer are now sitting on the couch opposite Ryan and Marissa)
Summer: Cohen, one more pervy word about Coops not so mini Coop an I may have'ta staple your tongue ta your collar
(an over enthusiastic Taylor comes over)
Taylor: (claps) yay there you are!
Marissa: hey Taylor
Taylor: (hugs Marissa) hi
Marissa: oh, thanks so much for everything at that meeting last week
(Marissa moves her bag from between herself and Ryan and Taylor sits down between them)
Taylor: oh, of course, you were lonely at that school, you had no friends, no one to talk to (Marissa looks at her) kind of like Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes (Ryan looks at her)
Summer: I think that was Mark Wahlberg
Marissa: uh actually, I had a couple (shrugs) good friends
Taylor: but not like our group here (sits back) right
(Seth and Summer look at Taylor)
Marissa: I should get to class (stands)
Ryan: uh me too
(Marissa and Ryan leave. Taylor gets up from the now empty couch)
Taylor: the poor thing (sits on coffee table) it must be really hard for her, readjusting (raises eyebrows) kinda like coming back from Nam
Summer: huh
Taylor: thankfully she has us
(Taylor puts a hand on Seth and Summers knees. Seth sighs, Summer looks at him - in the hall Marissa and Ryan are now walking)
Ryan: hey (Marissa looks) you alright Taylor can be a little Taylor
Marissa: (smiles) no she jus made me realise I haven't talked to Johnny since I got here, I mean I've left him messages (remembers) the tour starts soon I hope he hasn't left yet
Ryan: nah I don't think he'd do that, why don't you try uh (thinks) what's his name, bizarro Seth
Marissa: (smiles) Chili, I could, thanks
Ryan: yeah not a problem, alright (pats Marissas arm) see you at lunch (Marissa nods)
CUT TO: Newport Union - Johnny and Dennis are walking down the stairs together
Dennis: dude will you please just call her back, this whole sacrificing your happiness for hers thing clearly is not working
Johnny: look no it wasn't a sacrifice alright I...jus thought my life would be...simpler without her
(Johnny and Dennis are now off the stairs)
Dennis: yeah it's real simpler your miserable dude will you please jus take my phone an call her
(Dennis holds out his phone and it rings. he looks at who is calling)
Dennis: it's like I summoned her (answers) Marissa
(we see Marissa near her locker, on her phone)
Marissa: hey Chili have you seen Johnny
Dennis: as a matter of fact Harper is right next to me
(Dennis holds out the phone to a reluctant Johnny, after a few seconds he takes it)
Johnny: hey Marissa
Marissa: hey, I called you a few times, did you get my messages
Johnny: yeah sorry um...I've jus ben really busy
Marissa: course, packin an stuff
Johnny: yeah, packing (Dennis raises his eyebrows)
Marissa: ok well my sisters in town id love for you to meet her before you leave
Johnny: oh yeah I don't know um maybe if I have time
Marissa: come on, your not really gonna leave without saying goodbye (Johnny doesn't say anything) the diner, four thirty ppleasee
Johnny: ill see you there
(Johnny hangs up, not looking thrilled with the idea)
CUT TO: Cohen's front door - we hear the door bell and then see Kirsten open it. Veronica Townsend is standing there
Kirsten: (suprised) Veronica, what're you doing here
Veronica: hello Kirsten (walks in) I hear you an Julie are starting a new dating service, I want you ta set me up...with the delicious Dr. Neil Roberts
Kirsten: (confused) the father of Marissa's best friend...the girl you called little miss Columbine at last weeks board meeting (Veronica looks down) d'you really think he'd go out with you
Veronica: of course not, if however I could talk to him...say over a candle lit dinner (Kirsten looks at her) I'm sure I could convince him that I was just a...concerned parent looking out for her daughter...an that's where you come in
Kirsten: an why would I help you (squints)
Veronica: Marissa's back at Harbor but her involvement in after school activities, senior day, prom, graduation is yet to be determined...and I carry alotta weight with the parents association, you might say I am the parents association
Kirsten: your gonna hold a seventeen year old girl hostage for a date (raises eyebrows)
Veronica: a good man is hard to find Kirsten (Kirsten looks at her appalled) I'm free tomorrow if you're wondering
(Veronica leaves, Kirsten closes the door stunned)
CUT TO: Newport group - Sandy is in his office on the phone to somebody
Sandy: oh you'll have the contracts by Friday, yeah, oh its great Sid, ill talk to ya then (hangs up)
(Kirsten walks in)
Sandy: well, this is a wonderful suprise
Kirsten: I wish it was (kisses Sandy) Sandy I have a problem (sits on the couch) (Sandy leans on his desk) Veronica Townsend came by to see me this morning, she wants me to set her up with Neil Roberts
Sandy: good luck
Kirsten: an she threatened to make Marissa's life a living hell at Harbor if I don't, an she can do it (nods)
Sandy: we can't give inta threats like that, we don't negotiate (folds arms) with the Newpsies
Kirsten: I know, but Marissa's ben through alot, an all Neil has'ta do is take her out for dinner tomorrow night
Sandy: well so what'do you want me ta do about it, you're the one with the dating service
Kirsten: Neil isn't a client
Sandy: (shakes head) an I'm not an employee
Kirsten: no but you are Sandy Cohen professional persuader, you guys play golf together an your...guys (Sandy looks reluctant) an I'm calling in a wifely favour, jus call
(Sandy frowns, clearly not wanting to do it)
CUT TO: The pier - Marissa and Kaitlin are walking towards the diner together carrying shopping bags
Marissa: shopping was such a good idea
Kaitlin: even if it was at a thrift store
Marissa: hey vintage is very "in" right now
Kaitlin: (laughs) so who are we meeting again
Marissa: oh my friend Johnny from Newport Union...I guess he's going away on this surfing trip an...I jus don't wanna lose touch you know
Kaitlin: (pointed) do I know about losing touch mm (grins at Marissa)
Marissa: Kaitlin...mom in her own deranged way was jus tryin'a protect you (looks at Kaitlin) and I...was (frowns) I don't know but it won't happen again
Kaitlin: yeah I know its jus...I'm not a little kid anymore you know (looks at Marissa)
Marissa: I know...there they are (points)
(we see Johnny and Dennis walking towards Marissa and Kaitlin)
Kaitlin: (off screen) which ones Johnny (looks at Marissa) perfect bone structure or carrot top
Marissa: yeah your definitely not a kid huh, hey guys
Johnny: hey
Marissa: so, Kaitlin this is Chili an Johnny
Johnny: it's nice to meet you (shakes Kaitlin's hand)
Dennis: hi
Johnny: hey Marissa
Marissa: hey, thanks for coming
(Johnny smiles, he and Marissa share an awkward moment which Kaitlin picks up on - they are now inside the diner. Dennis and Johnny sit on one side of the booth and Marissa and Kaitlin opposite them)
Marissa: so uh when do you leave
same time:
Dennis: April
Johnny: next week
(Marissa looks from Johnny to Dennis, Kaitlin does the same. Johnny looks down)
Dennis: right he leaves uh next week for training, tour starts in April (Marissa looks at him)
Johnny: umm dude did I lock my car (Marissa & Kaitlin look at him) I think I forgot to lock- (stands)
(Marissa looks from Johnny to Dennis)
Dennis: been alotta thefts in the area lately he's got bunch'a cassette tapes...in there
Kaitlin: can you excuse me, um much coffee (smiles) small bladder
(Dennis nods. Marissa watches Kaitlin leave then looks back at Dennis)
Marissa: w-what's going on
Dennis: Marissa do I have'ta spell it out for you (Marissa shrugs) ok, guess I do, look, he knew that you weren't gonna go back to Harbor while he was still there so
Marisa: (realises) he told me that he was leaving...oh my god
(outside the diner Kaitlin catches up to Johnny)
Kaitlin: (calls) Johnny
Johnny: (looks) hey
Kaitlin: so how long have you been in love with my sister
Johnny: (scoffs) ...we're jus friends
Kaitlin: good, cause I'm sure as you know, she's not available (Johnny nods) unlike...say...me (smiles)
(Johnny laughs and Kaitlin looks at him with an almost smug smile)
CUT TO: Cohen house - we hear the doorbell sound and then we see Ryan heading to answer it
Ryan: (calls) yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah
(Ryan opens the door. a guy is standing there who appears to be the around the same age as Ryan)
Justin: hi uh this the Cohen house
Ryan: it is, can I help you
Justin: I'm lookin for someone, I guess I had the wrong address uh a Persian guy said I could find her here Kaitlin Cooper
Ryan: (looks at Justin) are you a friend of hers
Justin: I really need'a get ahold of her, is she here or not
Ryan: ...look man I haven't seen Kaitlin since she was eleven an rode a pony
Justin: ...alright, well, if she shows up call me (writes down number) (Ryan watches him) it's important
(Ryan takes the number and Justin leaves. Ryan looks worried)
CUT TO: The trailer park - Kaitlin is on the verandah painting her toe nails. Ryan pulls up in the range rover, we can now see that Kaitlin also has music in her ears. she looks over and sees Ryan walking up
Kaitlin: hey Ryan, what's up
Ryan: your sister around
Kaitlin: no she went out...can I help you
Ryan: ...maybe (sits) there was this guy (sighs) showed up at the house last night, lookin for you
Kaitlin: (looks at Ryan) ...Justin
Ryan: (nods) you know him
Kaitlin: he's from Montecito an he goes to Kate (Ryan listens) I met him at a mixer
Ryan: is he your uh boyfriend
Kaitlin: I barely even spoke to the guy (Ryan sits back) then he kept on calling me coming by my school...I finally told my dorm mother an it got him (raises eyebrows) in trouble...an now he's like your messing up my chances in Princeton (Ryan looks at her) I cant believe that he showed up here...I mean id already changed my cell phone
Ryan: (sighs) alright ill take care of it
Kaitlin: an you won't tell Marissa (Ryan doesn't look thrilled with the idea) I mean we're just starting to get'ta know each other again an I don't want her to think that I'm some stalker magnet, an I don't want her to worry (Ryan looks at her, unsure)
CUT TO: Johnny's house - Marissa knocks on the door and Johnny opens it
Marissa: (smiles) hi
Johnny: ...hey
Marissa: so Chili-
Johnny: told you
Marissa: yeah
Johnny: yeah he was never one ta keep a secret
Marissa: well what you did was pretty amazing (Johnny looks at her) I jus wanted to thank you
Johnny: yeah I'm a...real martyr (avoids eye contact)
Marissa: ...uh so (raises eyebrows) what're you gonna do now...(shrugs) since your not going on tour
Johnny: I hadn't really thought about it
Marissa: well I mean you could (shrugs) always apply to college for next January or
Johnny: no I don't think so
Marissa: I could help you (shrugs)
Johnny: listen Marissa (looks at Marissa) it's not your problem anymore (Marissa looks at him) you know your back where you belong an...well you know my life... maybe it's not ta tour the world to surf but (shrugs) I don't need you saving me
Marissa: look its jus you did this incredible thing for me an I-
Johnny: is that what you think (Marissa looks at him) I needed you to leave
Marissa: (raises eyebrows) so I'm back at Harbor but...what're you saying that you (shrugs) don't ever wanna see me again
Johnny: yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying (Marissa looks at him, shocked) look right now I jus need you outta my life
(Marissa looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at her. Marissa is almost on the verge of teary)
Marissa: (nods, hurt, softly) ok
(Marissa leaves, Johnny closes the door behind her)
CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy picks up the phone in the kitchen and dials a number. we hear the ringing tone
Neil: hello
Sandy: Neil, hey, it's Sandy I I hope I'm not interrupting
(we see Neil on the phone at his house)
Neil: no-no-no not at all Sandy, how can I help you
Sandy: well...there's a bit of a situation (raises eyebrows) with Marissa
Neil: anything I can do, Marissa an her mom mean alot to me
Sandy: well this is awkward (leans on counter) you know Veronica Townsend
Neil: do I know Veronica Townsend Sandy, I know every former A cup in this town
Sandy: well what would you think about havin dinner with her tonight (unsure)
Neil: ...you mean a date
Sandy: look I know she is a bitch on wheels but she wants to go out with you and she's willing to make Marissa's life at Harbor very difficult if it doesn't go through
Neil: oh come on Sandy that's preposterous
Sandy: I wouldn't be askin ya if I didn't think she'd follow through on this (Neil listens) look its one dinner, crowded restaurant, meet there, Kirsten an I'll pick up the tab
Neil: how horrible can it be
Sandy: trust me it'll be horrible, I owe you, thanks
Neil: (hangs up) huh
CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Ryan is standing at the bar drinking what looks like bottled water. Justin comes in and walks over to Ryan
Ryan: good your here
Justin: (looks around) where's Kaitlin, she came with you right
Ryan: nah I didn't think that was a very good idea, look best thing for you to do (looks at Justin) is get in your car, go back where you came from, put this behind you
Justin: I'm not going anywhere without the fifteen hundred bucks she stole from my brother
Ryan: (laughs) she says she barely knows you
Justin: we've been goin out for like a month (Ryan looks at him) an I wanted her to meet my brother Sam, he's a Gamma Tau at UCSB they were having a party so I brought her along (laughs) an then she uh ditched me ran off with the dorm money an left town (Ryan looks at him in disbelief) look three guys saw her stuff it in a gym bag an take off
Ryan: so I'm spose'ta take the word of three drunk frat brothers over a fourteen year old girl
Justin: (suprised) fourteen, she told me she was sixteen
(Ryan looks at Justin, Justin looks at him)
Ryan: like I said put this behind you
Justin: I've been tryin'a help her...alright it's not my money an now its outta my hands
(Justin leaves. Ryan looks as though he's thinking)
CUT TO: Roberts' house - Summer and Seth are on the couch together. Seth is on the long bit lying down, reading. Summer is sitting next to him studying
Summer: I had three messages from Taylor this morning
Seth: (looks at Summer) I told you she has abused puppy syndrome (frowns) if you show her the tiniest bit of affection she's gonna follow you around for the rest'a your life
Summer: I know but she's kind of our responsibility now
Taylor: (off screen, screams) aaaahhh oh my god, huge news!
Summer: (startled) oh my god (Seth sits up a tad)
(Taylor is now in front of Summer with a huge smile, clapping happily)
Summer: um who you let in
Taylor: I speak fluent housekeeper, guess what...my moms getting set up with your dad (Summers mouth is agape) (squeals) aaaahhh (claps happily)
Seth: oh my god
Taylor: (laughs) I know, if they get married (grins) we could be sisters!
(Summer and Seth are both stunned. Taylor is borderline delirious, lol)
Taylor: ok so I'm gonna go take a quick spin around (points) an see which room I might want (stands) ok, ill be right back
Summer: (dazed) ok
Taylor: (runs, squeals happily) eeeeeeeee (goes up stairs)
Summer: (to Seth) she is so going back to the pound
CUT TO: NB Yacht club - Veronica and Neil are sitting at a table together
Veronica: no-no-no-no the football players are the real pussycats, it's the female tennis players that will kill you in your sleep (Neil listens) you know in Russia rumour has it that Sharapova's rep is former KGB
Neil: I had no idea being a sports agent was so dangerous
(Veronica laughs shyly, Neil smiles at her - Julie and Kaitlin walk in)
Kaitlin: (looks around) mom this place is way too expensive
Julie: oh but honey it's your homecoming it's a special occasion-
(Julie stops suddenly and we see why. she sees Veronica and Neil together. they clink glasses. Kaitlin looks at a stunned Julie)
Kaitlin: mom
Julie: ...you know where we should go
Kaitlin: here you jus said so-
Julie: the Crab Cooker we haven't ben there in years it'll be so fun (pulls Kaitlin towards the door)
Kaitlin: (confused) wha...ok
(Julie takes a last look at Neil and Veronica before they leave, she looks hurt)
CUT TO: The trailer park - Marissa is inside the trailer lifting up clothes trying to find something. Ryan comes in
Ryan: hey
Marissa: hey, oh I'm almost ready
Ryan: take your time, movie doesn't start for a while
Marissa: (still looking) ok
Ryan: you alright
Marissa: I'm tryin'a find my stupid jacket (goes to the bedroom)
Ryan: ill help you
Marissa: its brown, with things on it (turns on light)
Ryan: an stupid (looks at Marissa)
Marissa: (sighs) I got in a fight with Johnny, he lied about the surf tour he was never going (Ryan doesn't say anything, or look suprised) (realises) you knew didn't you
Ryan: yeah an I should'a told you but I mean the guy did a good thing
Marissa: he did it to get rid of me (raises eyebrows) an I mean even though he is not going now, he still says he doesn't ever wanna see me again
Ryan: ok but he's in an awkward position, you gotta respect that, give him some time
Marissa: (closes eyes) I know
Ryan: look you uh you got your sister back here (raises eyebrows)
Marissa: yeah (moves closer to Ryan) I guess I do have a great boyfriend (smiles)
Ryan: (nods) you have a great boyfriend too
Marissa: (laughs) an I'm jus getting to know my sister...so life could be worse
Ryan: mm-hmm
(Ryan watches as Marissa unzips a small suitcase and finds her brown jacket, underneath it is a blue and yellow gym bag with a Gamma Tau logo on it)
Marissa: (takes jacket) hey
Ryan: hey
Marissa: that's awesome (leaves)
(Ryan goes over and picks up the gym bag. he looks inside and its empty. he puts it back down and turns off the light)
CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Ryan is leaning against the side counter drinking coffee, looking deep in thought Seth comes in
Seth: hey what's up
Ryan: hey
Seth: you seem pensive, scoot down
Ryan: (scoots down, sighs) so Kaitlin is up to somethin
Seth: dude, I told you, doom
Ryan: (nods) I know
Seth: alright hit me with it, what is it
Ryan: alright so this guy showed up lookin for her, when I asked her about it she said he'd been stalking her (raises eyebrows) right
Seth: but when you went to give him the get outta town speech
Ryan: (nods) he said she stole money from some frat party...an then I found this bag he described in the trailer
Seth: oooh, she's Jimmy Coopers daughter theft is in her blood
Ryan: I know an I wanna give her a chance to explain but-
Marissa: (off screen) hey guys, good morning
(Marissa and Kaitlin come in)
Seth: hey, I love how people jus come in now no more'a that useless back an forth to the front door
Marissa: so we're gonna go get pancakes d'you guys wanna come
(Kaitlin and Ryan look at each other. Seth notices)
Seth: uh actually Marissa I'm gonna need'a borrow you for a second...cause we're gonna have'ta work on Summers birthday present (nods)
Marissa: her birthdays not for like eight months (looks at Seth)
Seth: (pulls Marissa out of the kitchen) what to get the girl that has everything, we need to plan early
(Marissa looks back at Ryan confused, but follows Seth anyway. Kaitlin smiles at Ryan)
Ryan: so I went ta see Justin yesterday
Kaitlin: oh my god thank you so much
Ryan: he said you stole some money
Kaitlin: what...money (frowns) I don't know wh-
Ryan: I found the bag in your stuff
Kaitlin: (looks away then at Ryan) ok so I took it, but it was for a good reason
Ryan: (raises eyebrows, nods) please (as if to say explain)
Kaitlin: Justin's brother Sam's dating my friend Megan, he seemed like the perfect guy right, till she told him that she was pregnant (nods)
Ryan: (looks down) ok then what happened
Kaitlin: so she asked him for some money ta...you know (raises eyebrows) take care of it...an he said it wasn't his problem...so I took it (Ryan looks at her) d'you wanna call Megan (unzips her doggy bag from earlier) an ask her how her abortion went
Ryan: (shakes head) whatever happened you need to tell Marissa ok
Kaitlin: you know I can't tell her, you know how she is
(Marissa and Seth come back in)
Marissa: (frustrated) Seth I'm sure whichever action figure you choose Summer will be equally thrilled (looks at Ryan) can we go
Kaitlin: (looks at Ryan, then away) you know, I lost my appetite (shrugs) (Ryan looks at her) can you guy's jus drop me off on the way
Marissa: yyeah sure
(Kaitlin looks at Ryan almost pointedly and then leaves. Seth squints at Ryan as if he knows Ryan is the cause)
Marissa: (to Ryan) I-is everything ok
(Ryan taps the counter and sort of nods. he looks worried)
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO: Roberts house - Summer comes down the stairs and goes into the room that Neil is already in. he's sitting on the couch reading the paper
Neil: morning sweetheart
Summer: late night last night
Neil: actually I wanted ta tell you, I went on a date
Summer: (pointed) with Veronica Townsend
Neil: how'd you know (looks at Summer)
Summer: (picks up school books) word gets around when Orange County's Cruella nabs her next puppy (goes to leave)
Neil: (laughs) I am sorry I didn't tell you, I thought it would jus be that one dinner
Summer: (stops, frowns) what'do you mean you thought, one dinner I get one dinner is a man on the rebound with a severe lapse of judegment
Neil: alright, that's enough (takes off glasses) she happens to be a misunderstood woman
Summer: dad (moves closer) she is an evil bitch, her daughter was picking out paint chips for her new room, which is your study by the way
Neil: Summer I am taking Veronica to the launch party at the Cohen's tonight (Summer is shocked) an I expect you to at least be polite to her
Summer: (reluctant)...fine!
(Summer picks up her books and leaves, clearly not happy)
CUT TO: The trailer park - we hear a knock and then Kaitlin comes out of the bedroom in a pink robe
Kaitlin: Gus I'm sorry, my mom said I can't open the door for you again, even if you actually have candy (looks out the window)
Johnny: (off screen) it's Johnny
Kaitlin: (opens the door) oh, hi (smiles)
Johnny: um is Marissa here
Kaitlin: how come nobody ever comes knocking on this door looking for me
Johnny: sorry I jus...I said some stuff to her yesterday I wanted to apologise
Kaitlin: I'm afraid she's not here
Johnny: oh, ok (goes to leave)
Kaitlin: but (Johnny stops) my moms having this launch party tonight for her new company, it's at the Cohen's, she'll be there...maybe you should stop by
Johnny: I don't think that's such a good idea
Kaitlin: come on (raises eyebrows) I'm inviting you (Johnny half smiles) so at least there's one person there that's not totally lame
Johnny: uh maybe ill stop by (Kaitlin smiles) to apologise to Marissa
(Kaitlin nods and smiles. Johnny leaves. Kaitlin closes the door)
CUT TO: The pier - Ryan and Marissa are walking near the railings
Marissa: so, tell me
Ryan: ugh, that obvious
Marissa: well I mean you barely touched your short stack I can tell when something's up
Ryan: (sighs) its Kaitlin, there's this guy lookin for her (Marissa listens, shocked) who says uh she stole money from his brother
Marissa: wh- she stole from another kid, no way
Ryan: no she admitted it but...she says she took it becauseeee the brother got her friend pregnant (Marissa raises her eyebrows, mouth agape) an...needed it
Marissa: (looks away) I cant believe it
Ryan: it doesn't make any sense, why would he come after her if her story is true
Marissa: (thinks) so you think she's lying
Ryan: I don't know I think you need'ta talk to her
Marissa: (unsure)...an accuse her (raises eyebrows) of being a thief, I mean after everything we've put her through that'll really build her trust
Ryan: well...I don't think the guys goin away without his money
Marissa: alright well, ill talk to her after the party (looks at Ryan) until then we'll just have'ta (shrugs) keep an eye on her
CUT TO: Cohen backyard - there are people everywhere getting everything ready for the party. there is a guy dragging a big metal torch/fire thing. Kirsten talks to him
Kirsten: (to guy) uh check the propane, thankyou
(Kirsten looks over and sees Julie at a bench doing something with paper. I think it's like an information thing for their guest's cause you see a quick flash of what looks like a brochure with a heart on the front)
Kirsten: how's it going
Julie: great, I've done maybe twelve an I've got about a hundred to go
Kirsten: well make that a hundred an two (Julie looks at her) I've added Neil Roberts (screws up face) an Veronica Townsend to the guest list
Julie: (shocked) you've gotta be kidding me
Kirsten: did Sandy-
Julie: what, tell me they were dating, no, I had'ta find that out myself last night at the yacht club, oh (sadly) its jus...
Kirsten: what is it
Julie: well...for the past few weeks Neil an I have gotten quite close an sure the man is a real catch (Kirsten listens) a wealthy doctor estate with pool an tennis court but, I was jus grateful that he's been so kind to Marissa an then...last night I saw him with Veronica an it hit me...I think I have feelings for him (closes eyes) romantic feelings (Kirsten understands now) now he's with that witch who tried to harpoon Marissa an there coming to our launch party (Kirsten looks at her) ill be ok Kiki, I'm like the Gulf Region, at this point (shrugs) what's one more hurricane
CUT TO: Seth's bedroom - Summer and Seth are sitting against the side of Seth's bed
Seth: I'm tellin you it'd work
Summer: we are not starting a rumour that my dad has genital warts
(Sandy comes in the open door)
Sandy: hey Seth (Summer & Seth look) how bout lending your mom a hand downstairs
Seth: actually uh dad we're kinda busy right now
Summer: we're tryin'a figure out a way how to break up my dad an some skanked out ho bag (looks down sadly)
Sandy: Veronica Townsend
Summer: (to Seth) see everyone knows
Sandy: you got nothin'a worry about (Summer looks at him) it's a long story but last nights date, one time thing
Summer: really (Sandy nods) because I mean he's bringing her to the party tonight
Sandy: (suprised) he's goin on a second date with her
(Summer puts out her hands and mumbles "I don't know". Kirsten comes in)
Kirsten: oh Sandy, there you are, I have'ta talk to you about Veronica Townsend an...you know who
Seth: now we have a quorum (Summer looks at him, shocked that Kirsten knows as well)
Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) what happened
Kirsten: ...there are factors of which I was not aware when I had you set them up
Seth: wait you set them up
Kirsten: Veronica wanted ta go on a date with Summers dad (Summer frowns) an she threatened ta make Marissa's life hell if we didn't set them up, Neil agreed as a favour
Sandy: look Neil's a smart guy if he wants to go on second date with her maybe he sees something (shrugs) in her that we don't
Summer: huh
Seth: what the hockey (Summer laughs)
Kirsten: no-no-no
Sandy: n- ok, ok fine, but we have'ta make sure that she's the one who ends it, if Neil starts pullin away she might take it out on Marissa
Seth: (hands out) genital - warts (Summers hit him) is the answer
Kirsten: Seth
Sandy: (to Kirsten) you've got a dinner to set up (looks at Summer & Seth) you two keep workin on a plan (Summer looks at Seth) ill keep thinking, we can do this (nods)
(Seth wave's bye as Sandy leaves. Kirsten follows him)
Seth: ok we've gotta make Veronica Townsend not wanna date your dad so tell me the most shameful thing you know about your father
(Summer frowns, thinking - downstairs near the kitchen we see Kaitlin walk passed the double doors outside. Ryan and Marissa are watching her from inside)
Marissa: I'm jus not sure which is harder to believe, that she stole the money or that she paid for some other girls abortion (Ryan looks at her) (points) either way that girls not my sister
(we hear the doorbell)
Ryan: ill get it
(Ryan goes over to answer the door and Marissa watches him. Justin is standing there with 3 other guys)
Ryan: (waves) hey, you brought friends
Sam: (to Justin) this is the guy who knows where she is
(Marissa comes to the door behind Ryan)
Marissa: hey look no ones getting anything, get outta here
Sam: I'm not goin anywhere
Marissa: an which are you the stalker or his brother who got a fourteen year old girl pregnant
(Justin looks from Marissa to Ryan, confused)
Sam: what the hell is she talkin about
(Ryan and Marissa look at them. Kaitlin comes near them without realising)
Kaitlin: has anyone seen (Ryan & Marissa look at her) the cocktail napkins (stops when she sees the guys)
Sam: give me my money back bitch (starts to go inside)
Ryan: (stops Sam) whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa
Justin: Kaitlin
Ryan: Kaitlin, Kaitlin go to the pool house
(Kaitlin quickly leaves)
Marissa: look get outta here or we're gonna call the cops
Justin: look I've ben tryin to do Kaitlin a favour (Marissa & Ryan look at him) she wont help herself, if you wanna call the cops go ahead (shrugs) ill call them myself
Ryan: no-no-no-no its fine (to Marissa) Marissa jus go talk to her please
(Marissa leaves)
Ryan: maybe we can settle this (puts up hand) jus give em a second alright
(Sam, Justin and the other guys look at Ryan - we now see Marissa going into the pool house)
Marissa: Kaitlin these guys are-
(Marissa looks around the empty pool house, no Kaitlin in sight)
Marissa: Kaitlin
(Marissa looks worried)
CUT TO: The trailer park - there is a taxi parked out the front of Julie's trailer. the range rover pulls up next to it. Marissa is in the passenger seat and Ryan is driving
Marissa: (takes off seatbelt) looks like she already planned her getaway
(Marissa and Ryan get out of the car - inside the trailer Kaitlin is busy packing her suitcase. Marissa and Ryan walk in)
Marissa: going somewhere
Kaitlin: like anyone would notice
Marissa: oh I think those boys you stole the money from would
Kaitlin: (to Ryan) I told you not to tell her, I knew she was gonna act like a self righteous princess
Marissa: you're blaming me!
Ryan: hey, why don't you two jus talk to each other
(Marissa closes her eyes, frustrated. Kaitlin continues packing. Marissa calms down a little and sits on the bed, Kaitlin sits next to her)
Marissa: you should jus let me help you
Kaitlin: now I'm suppose'ta believe that you care
Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) I do care
Kaitlin: yeah, that's why I spent the last two Christmases with complete strangers (Marissa closes her eyes) strangers who don't even have a nice tree
Marissa: an I want ta make that up to you...but you have'ta start being more honest (looks at Kaitlin)
Kaitlin: I have'ta start being honest, look around Marissa you an mom have been living a giant lie
Marissa: hey I jus found out about the trailer (frowns) mom said she was...renovating a condo
Kaitlin: (looks at Marissa) an you believed her...my friend Hadley's dad owns this property an when he heard about his new tenant he called her right away cause he couldn't believe it, Julie Cooper-Nichol, isn't that Kaitlin's mom, why would she be living in a trailer park
Marissa: (shakes head) I can't believe you knew
Kaitlin: my whole school knew
Marissa: ...so...why did you steal the money (frowns)
Kaitlin: because I wanted to come back home...
Marissa: why (raises eyebrows) ta find out if the rumours are true
Kaitlin: (softly) no (shakes head) ta make sure that you an mom were ok
Marissa: (closes eyes, sincerely) I'm sorry...but we really we're just trying to spare you
Kaitlin: from what...being a part of this family
(Marissa looks at Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at her)
Marissa: (half laughs) come here
(Marissa leans forward and hugs Kaitlin. Kaitlin hugs her back, awww)
Marissa: (rubs Kaitlin's back) look if you stick around long enough you might find out what that's really like
(after they finish hugging Kaitlin goes to her suitcase and takes the puppy bag thing that Marissa gave her, out)
Kaitlin: Ryan
(Ryan comes to the door way. Kaitlin unzips the puppy and pulls out a large wad of cash and holds it out. Ryan takes it from her)
Kaitlin: I only wanted enough for the car to get down here, I'm sorry for all the lies
Ryan: ill tell the cabbie he's not needed
(Ryan takes some money from the wad of cash and goes outside. Marissa stands next to Kaitlin)
Marissa: well, I guess unfortunately you have'ta go to moms launch party
Kaitlin: (frowns) only if I can borrow something to wear
CUT TO: Cohen backyard - we see red tea lights floating in the pool. people standing around and a big New Match sign. it's black with the New & Match in gold and a red heart between them. we then see Summer and Seth watching Neil and Veronica together, they clink glasses
Summer: where is she
Seth: (looks around) don't worry Taylor'll be here
Summer: I can't believe I told you that about my dad
Seth: well it does kinda make me see him in a new light (Summer nods)
(Julie and Kirsten walk to where the banner is displayed. in front is a microphone)
Kirsten: (into mic) uh hi everybody (everyone looks) welcome, thanks for coming, I'm Kirsten Cohen
Julie: an I'm Julie Cooper-Nichol (everyone claps) thankyou, uh well tonight we launch Newport's first exclusive dating service New Match, because well whether your gay, straight, single, divorced, nearly divorced, in a world of wealth an luxury the only thing really worth pursuing...is a soul mate (smiles)
Kirsten: (smiles) so drink up enjoy and flirt
(everyone claps. Julie is distracted by Neil and Veronica once again clinking glasses together. Julie and Kirsten walk away from the microphone, Sandy walks up to them both, clapping proudly)
Sandy: if I didn't already have the perfect woman I would sign right up (Kirsten smiles)
Julie: will you two excuse me
(Julie leaves. Kirsten folds her arms worried)
Sandy: don't worry, the plan is in motion
(Kirsten and Sandy look over at Neil and Veronica - inside we see Seth near the front door)
Seth: Taylor, your here, great
Taylor: oooh its good ta see you too Seth
Seth: yeah (touches Taylor's arm) so
Taylor: (pulls away) now don't make a pass at me, I don't want you (folds arms) coming between sisters
Seth: (looks at Taylor) ok c'mere
(Seth pulls Taylor into another room)
Seth: listen uh how serious is your mom about Dr. Roberts
Taylor: well lets put it this way when my mom decides she wants something she gets it (nods) like when she wanted my dad she got him an when she (shrugs) wanted all of his money an the house in the divorce she got that (shrugs, smiles) an now she wants Dr Neil Roberts
Seth: well (screws up face) there's jus something I think you should know about him
(Seth motions for Talyor to move closer to him and then whispers something in her ear. Taylor's eyes are wide as she's listening)
CUT TO: The Bait Shop - Justin comes in and goes over to where Ryan is sitting, he sits down next to him
Ryan: there it is, most of it anyway
(Justin hides the money under some clothing)
Justin: thanks, so uh where's Kaitlin
Ryan: uhhh with her sister why (Justin looks at him) why do I get the feeling this isn't just about the money
Justin: jus thought Kaitlin might come by with you (Ryan looks at him) to apologise for something, least she could do is apologise (scoffs, frowns) so she didn't say anything to you about me at all
Ryan: (shakes head, raises eyebrows) like
Justin: I don't know
Ryan: (realises) your in love with her
Justin: ...maybe, I thought I was but
Ryan: but what
Justin: just be careful of that girl man, she's...amazing (Ryan looks at him) thanks
(Justin leaves and Ryan sits there thinking)
CUT TO: Cohen house - Kaitlin and Marissa are back at the party now
Kaitlin: you know I use'ta always lie awake so jealous that you mom an dad are at one'a these things (points) a Newport party
Marissa: (looks at Kaitlin) yeah well you're finally here
Kaitlin: oh yeah, but what I had in mind was way cooler than this
(we now see Seth and Summer in the backyard together)
Summer: we'll how'd it go
Seth: (points) watch an see
(we are now with Neil and Veronica)
Veronica: Neil maybe we should go somewhere a little bit more private an have a drink
Neil: well that sounds like a good idea
(Taylor comes up next to Veronica)
Taylor: hi um I'm sorry, mom can I just talk to you for a second
Veronica: um Taylor, Dr Roberts an I are trying to have a private conversation
Taylor: ok this is jus gonna take a second (holds up finger)
Neil: its ok, go ahead
(Taylor pulls Veronica away and whispers to her. Seth and Summer watch)
Veronica: (looks at Taylor, whispers) what, who told you that
(Seth and Summer are still watching)
Neil: is everything ok
Veronica: uhhh...yeah um Neil uh we'll have'ta do that drink another time uh uh Taylor's not feeling well uh ill jus talk to you later
(before Neil can say anything Veronica pulls Taylor away. as they walk away Taylor waves to Summer and Seth happily. Seth and Summer wave back, happily stunned)
Seth: huh (smiles)
Summer: oh my god that is amazing (looks at Seth) an all you did was tell her he voted for John Kerry
Seth: yes, that is exactly what I...said
Summer: (realises) you told her he had genital warts! come on
Seth: listen the Kerry thing wasn't gonna work
(we now see Sandy walk up to Neil)
Sandy: Neil
Neil: hey Sandy
Sandy: you're all alone
Neil: yes, yes Veronica's daughter wasn't feeling well
Sandy: well if you ask me you jus dodged a Newpsie bullet
Neil: oh your probably right, I think I been out of the dating pool so long I was momentarily (raises eyebrows) blind (laughs) I think its time for me to be gettin home
Sandy: you know I think there's someone here (points) who wouldn't mind your company
(we see Julie drinking alone, sadly. Neil and Sandy look over - out the front Johnny arrives. as he heads to the front door Kaitlin passes him. they both stop and Kaitlin smiles)
Johnny: hey Kaitlin, are you leaving
Kaitlin: I wish I could
Johnny: (nods) party that good huh
Kaitlin: (thinks) jus got a little bit more interesting
(Johnny looks at Kaitlin, Kaitlin looks at him almost flirtatiously. Johnny laughs)
Johnny: I'm gonna find Marissa, scuse me
(as Johnny starts to walk away Kaitlin purposely bumps into him and grins. Johnny leaves and she sighs - in the backyard Neil goes over to Julie)
Neil: hey there
Julie: (looks at Neil) where's Veronica
Neil: uh, she left (raises eyebrows)
Julie: (suprised) alone (Neil smiles) really, you two seemed to be getting along so well
Neil: mm (nods) actually I was hoping that you might have dinner with me sometime
Julie: (looks at Neil) Neil I would love to
(now we see Johnny walk up behind Marissa, he taps her and she turns around)
Marissa: Ryan uh (Johnny lo | Plan: A: Mini-Cooper; Q: Who isn't so mini now? A: Marissa's younger sister; Q: Who is Kaitlin? A: O.C.; Q: Where does Kaitlin return to? A: lots; Q: How much emotional baggage does Kaitlin carry? A: Kirsten-Julie dating biz; Q: Who is blackmailed into setting up a date for Veronica? Summary: Mini-Cooper isn't so mini now. Kaitlin, Marissa's younger sister, returns to O.C. - and she carries lots of emotional baggage. Plus: Kirsten-Julie dating biz is blackmailed into setting up a date for Veronica. |
[music - "The Pleasure Song" by Marianne Faithfull]
[scenes of L.A. - the downtown skyline in the day, the famous "Hollywood" sign, traffic on the freeways, the cars whizzing past, long streets lined with tall palm trees]
[scenes of L.A. - at night, the skyline lit up, headlights and brake lights going by double time, the freeways lit up by headlights, the sunrise across the city skyline]
[still more scenes of L.A. - driving down a busy boulevard, looking at the hills, buildings, expensive cars on the streets]
[yet more L.A. scenes, this time the front porches of the 'burbs and bungalows]
[title card: the L word]
INT. - TIM'S GARAGE - DAY
[Tim is moving furniture around, clearing out space, placing a large desk in the garage]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - DAY
[Bette and Tina are in bed, sleeping.]
INT. - TIM'S HOUSE - DAY
[Tim walks to the closet and puts on a checked shirt. He smells it, closes the closet door, puts his shoes on and straightens up the bed.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - DAY
[Tina stands in the bathroom, looking at an ovulation test stick. She smiles and chuckles, and turns around.]
[music stops]
Tina: Bette, come here!
Bette: (offscreen) What?
[Tina looks at the test. Bette enters from the bedroom. Tina turns the stick so that Bette can see it. Bette looks at the stick.]
Bette: You're ovulating.
Tina: (smiling) I'm ovulating.
Bette: (loving) Let's make a baby.
[They kiss.]
Tina: (between kisses) Let's make a baby.
[Tina leans back against the sink as the kiss continues. Bette reaches down (offscreen); Tina moans.]
Bette: Why don't you get dressed and I'll drop you off on my way to work.
[Tina nods. The kiss ends and Bette goes back to the bedroom.]
[music starts again - same song]
[Tina turns around at the sink to get ready.]
EXT. - TIM'S HOUSE - DAY
[Tim locks the front door and walks to his car, an old Trans Am. He gets in, starts the motor, and slowly pulls away.]
[Bette and Tina come out of their house, next door. They see Tim and wave as they get in to their own car.]
Bette/Tina: Hey Tim.
Tim: Bye.
Bette/Tina: Good luck.
Tim: Thanks.
[music stops]
INT. - THE PLANET (COFFEE HOUSE) - DAY
[Marina carries a couple of cups and walks to the counter. Music plays in the background. People are sitting or standing around, enjoying themselves.]
[Shane, Alice and Dana are at the counter.]
Alice: Ugh! I am so ready.
Marina: It's coming!
[a woman behind the counter serves Alice and Shane some coffees and food]
Alice: Thank you.
[A group of girls stands at the other end of the counter. One of them, Lisa, spots Shane.]
Lisa: Hi Shane!
Marina: She doesn't talk to anyone before her morning shot.
[Marina serves Shane an espresso. The girl looks crestfallen.]
Marina: Here you go, Don Juan.
Shane: Thank you.
[Shane drinks the espresso.]
Alice: (quietly, to Dana) She's a kid. A kid.
Dana: Whatever. It's fine.
Alice: I mean, don't freak out.
Dana: (rolling eyes) Okay.
[Dana and Alice leave the bar with their food and coffee to get a seat.]
[Shane finishes her shot and leaves the bar, headed for the door.]
Shane: Allright. Later guys. (waves)
[Shane finally acknowledges the girl who tried to talk to her.]
Shane: (smiling) Bye Lisa.
Lisa: (smiling) See ya, Shane.
[As Shane leaves, Tina and Bette come in.]
Tina: Whoa, you're not leaving already?
Shane: Yeah, I got a nine o'clock, guys. See ya.
Bette/Tina: See ya.
[Shane leaves The Planet. Tina takes a seat at a table with Alice and Dana.]
Tina: Hi.
[Marina brings Bette a brown bag and a to-go cup of coffee]
Marina: (smiling) Hello.
Bette/Tina: (to Marina, Dana and Alice) Good morning, good morning.
[Bette leans down and gives Tina a kiss on the lips. Dana observes, then looks at Alice.]
Bette: (to Tina) I'll meet you at the doctor's.
[Tina nods. Bette turns to go, but remembers something.]
Bette: Hey, what time am I supposed to be at what's-his-name's?
Tina: Eleven.
Bette: Okay. (waves) Bye guys.
Alice: (eating) Oh my god. Is it happening today?
Dana: Is what today?
Alice: The insemination.
Dana: (smiles at Tina) Oh!
Alice: So you're doing it at the doctor's office this time?
Tina: But first, Dan Foxworthy.
Alice: No way!
Dana: Who? Why don't I know what you're talking about?
Alice: 'Cause you don't read.
Dana: Oh, and, what are you, the intellectual of life?
Alice: Dan Foxworthy is like the super-exclusive shrink to the stars. He was on our list of L.A.'s best self-improvement gurus. (to Tina) How did you get that appointment?
Tina: I just called and asked. (points, to Alice) Don't tell Bette I told you. Okay?
Dana: But, what are you guys doing, I mean, you don't need a shrink.
Tina: We're just checking in. We're about to do this incredibly major thing.
Dana: But wait, you guys have the best relationship of anybody I know, gay or straight.
Tina: (shrugs) I just want to make sure we're good.
EXT. - AIRPORT TERMINAL - DAY
[A pair of slender legs in jeans is seen. The camera pans up. It's Jenny. She carries a bag over her shoulder.]
[Jenny walks slowly, turning around, nearly bumping into someone.]
Jenny: Sorry.
[Tim walks up behind Jenny. Jenny turns around and sees him.]
Tim: Could I offer you a ride?
[Jenny throws her arms around his neck and they kiss for a moment.]
Tim: I missed you so much.
Jenny: I ... missed you.
Tim: (motioning to bag) Is that all you have?
Jenny: That's all I have.
Tim: Can't believe you're here!
[They laugh. Tim picks up her bag.]
Tim: (smiling) Come on!
[They head towards his car, smiling.]
INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - DAY
[Tina sits on a couch. She sighs, looking somewhat uncomfortable. Dr. Dan Foxworthy sits across from her, in a chair. They're waiting on Bette.]
Tina: (apologetically) She's always running late. She had a board meeting, then she had a meeting with an artist. Bette's the director of the California Arts Center.
Dan: (nods) I see.
Tina: And... she's probably going to be really stressed about time. After this, we have to go get sperm. We're trying to have a baby, and our friend Sean's donating.
[The office door opens. Bette walks in, sunglasses on, purse on her shoulder, cell phone in her hand, earbud in her ear. She's on the phone with someone.]
Bette: (chuckles) Sorry I'm late.
[She closes the door and continues the conversation.]
Bette: (phone) James? (takes off sunglasses) Yeah, I gotta go in a minute.
[Dan watches Bette.]
Bette: (phone) Nononono, the art work is way too delicate, it's being flown in from Paris, and Annie is already a total and complete nervous wreck.
[Dan looks at Tina. Tina smiles at Dan, then looks at Bette with a smile, shaking her head a little]
Bette: (phone) Just call Adam's Fine Art Movers. (sighs exasperated) Tell them if they want to do business with C.A.C. again... exactly. Okay, great. Thanks. Bye.
[Bette ends the call and closes the phone. She looks at Tina and smiles, pulling the earbud out of her ear. She goes to sit next to her.]
[Dan smiles and stands out of courtesy.]
Bette: (sitting) O-kay! Here I am!
[Bette quickly pats Tina's knee. Dan smiles and relaxes into his chair as Bette fumbles around with her keys, sunglasses and phone.]
Dan: So.
INT. - TIM'S CAR - A BOULEVARD - DAY
[Tim is driving Jenny back to his home. He's pointing out the sights as they go. Scenes show the hills, the cars on the streets, the shopping centers, billboards, traffic lights.]
Tim: We are heading north right now, towards the Hollywood Hills. A little further to the right is the Hollywood sign. And uh, if you keep going all the way in that direction (points), you hit the Pacific Ocean.
Jenny: Oh, can we go?
Tim: Yeah, whenever you want. (a beat) As often as you want.
[Tim pulls up to a stoplight. He and Jenny share a kiss. The light changes. Cars honk at Tim to go. Finally, he does.]
INT. - DAN FOXWORTHY'S OFFICE - DAY
[Dan is talking to Bette and Tina.]
Dan: Do you want to tell me what the thinking is behind trying to have a child together when your sexual relationship has been pretty shitty for going on three years?
Tina: It's not shitty. It may not be perfect, but -
Bette: There's a lot more to a relationship than s*x.
Tina: We've been together for seven years.
Dan: I know plenty of couples who still have s*x after seven years.
Bette: Well, it's not like we never have s*x.
Tina: A lot of heterosexual couples...
[Bette's phone begins to buzz in her purse. Bette grabs it.]
Tina: ... have children when their relationships aren't perfect.
Bette: (looking at phone) You know, you just obviously don't understand what happens in a lesbian relationship.
[The phone stops buzzing. Bette puts it back in her purse.]
Bette: (to Tina) I knew this was a bad idea. (to Dan) It's just, I - I don't believe that a straight, male therapist can possibly understand.
Dan: Early s*x is passionate. It's illicit, exciting, still has that - ("gasps") - factor, but... very quickly, a kind of symbiosis develops.
[Tina shifts on the couch, trying to listen; Bette's body language says she thinks he's full of sh1t.]
Dan: It especially happens between two women who are doing the work of making a serious commitment to one another. And when that merging occurs, the intense mutual dependency can be a deterrent to sexual intimacy.
Tina: (smiling, nodding) Oh my god. The lesbian urge to merge.
Dan: We have to stop now.
Bette: (relieved) Oh!
[Bette gets her purse and things. Dan gets up to go to his desk.]
Dan: Do you want to schedule another session?
[Tina opens her mouth.]
Bette: Uh, we'll let you know, I think Tina and I need to talk.
Dan: What about this insemination?
Tina: Uh, that's not up for discussion.
Dan: Not up for discussion?
Tina: (defensive) No. It's not. I quit my job.
[Dan comes back to his chair.]
Tina: I was a pretty successful development executive. Now I want to relax and prepare my body for pregnancy. That's what I'm doing. I'm ready to start a family. (looks at Bette) We're both ready to start a family. Right?
Bette: (looks back at Tina) Absolutely.
Tina: Right. (chuckles)
[Dan nods.]
Bette: Okay. Great.
[Bette gets her things and pats Tina on the knee again before getting up for the door. Tina follows.]
INT. - TIM'S CAR - A BOULEVARD - DAY
[Tim and Jenny are driving to Tim's house. They turn by a sign that says "The Crescent at West Hollywood" and make their way up a pleasant, tree-lined suburban street, where people are out enjoying the day, walking their dogs, waving to each other, children are playing, elderly couples are holding hands.]
Tim: So this is it.
Jenny: I can't believe this is our home, Tim! It's very traditional.
Tim: Wait'll you get to know it.
Jenny: What do you mean?
EXT. - TIM'S (and now JENNY'S) HOUSE - DAY
[Tim is helping Jenny with her bags out of the trunk. They walk to the front door of their house.]
Tim: It's just uh... not as traditional as you might think.
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - DAY
Tim: So, here's your new home.
Jenny: I can't believe I'm finally here. This has been the longest six months in history, Tim.
Tim: Yeah but your studio's finally ready.
[Tim opens the back door and they go out to the backyard.]
EXT. - TIM & JENNY'S BACKYARD - DAY
[An old garage sits in the backyard.]
Jenny: (gasps) (a beat) Okay, so this used to be a garage!
Tim: Til a few days ago. I did a remodel on it for you.
[Jenny looks at Tim.]
Tim: Go on. Try it out, go on!
[Tim watches Jenny anxiously as she runs into the garage.]
Jenny: (in garage) Oh my god!
[Tim laughs.]
Jenny: (in garage) I love it!
Tim: I have to go, allright? I'll be back soon.
INT. - SEAN'S WORKSHOP - DAY
[Sean, Bette and Tina's friend who is going to donate sperm to them, guides them up the stairs to his loft workshop where he does all his paintings. There are bold, modern art paintings everywhere.]
Sean: What a f*ckin' auspicious occasion!
Bette: I'd love to break open a bottle of champagne but I've gotta get back to work sometime today.
[The three stand in the center of the room, smiling. Bette hands Sean a plastic specimen cup. Sean and Bette chuckle; Sean kisses Bette and Tina on the cheeks happily.]
Tina: (chuckles) Sorry it's not more enticing.
Sean: Hey, don't worry, I do this all the time.
[Sean heads to the back with the cup. Bette and Tina wander around, looking at his work.]
Bette: (whispering) I love his new work! He's using paint so much more freely.
Tina: (whispering) Yeah, I don't remember his work having this much texture.
[Sean begins to moan and grunt heavily. Bette and Tina look at each other humorously, making faces at the noises.]
INT. BETTE'S CAR. - A BOULEVARD - DAY
[Bette is on the phone again. She has the earbud in her ear, a drink in one hand and the steering wheel in the other. Tina sits in the passenger seat quietly sipping on her own drink.]
Bette: (phone) I don't want you to be stressed out, Annie. I - I know this is your first time curating for me, and I'm going to give you a lot of support. (a beat)
[Bette glances at Tina.]
Bette: (phone) Hey, listen, this'll lighten your load. Guess what Tina has between her legs?
[Tina smiles just a little.]
Bette: (phone) (laughs) Close. A jar of Sean Heaney's sperm. I kid you not. She's keeping it warm. Well, supposedly once it's been ejaculated, it survives longer if you keep it at body temperature. Huh? Oh. Hold on a second.
[Bette grabs the specimen cup from between Tina's legs and holds it up so she can see it.]
Bette: (phone) Uh, it's only about half an inch but they say it's quality, not quantity.
[Tina grabs for the specimen cup but Bette holds it from her playfully before finally yielding it.]
Bette: (phone) God, it's repugnant, I can't believe I used to swallow that stuff.
INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Jenny is walking around, getting her writing stuff set up. She plugs in her laptop at the desk.]
[Somewhere nearby, a door is heard.]
Shane: (offscreen) Yeah, Tina said I could swim here whenever.
[Jenny looks up, and walks outside to see who it is.]
EXT. - TIM AND JENNY'S BACKYARD - DAY
[Jenny walks to the fence. Shane and a blonde girl are in Bette and Tina's backyard, preparing to get in their pool. Shane takes off her shirt. Jenny looks away, then kneels and peeks through the fence.]
Shane: (to blonde girl) They're uptight at the Chateau.
Blonde girl: How are they uptight?
Shane: They don't let you swim naked.
Blonde girl: It is a public pool.
[Shane takes off the rest of her clothes and dives into the pool. The blonde girl strips down and walks into the pool. She and Shane swim to each other in the middle and begin kissing.]
[Jenny is still watching through the fence. Shane and the girl swim to the edge, kissing. Shane faces the girl away from her and the girl begins to arch her back and moan. Jenny watches, but looks away after a moment.]
INT. - DOCTOR WILSON'S OFFICE - EXAM ROOM - DAY
[Tina is lying on an examination table with her feet in stirrups. Bette stands next to her.]
[The doctor stands up from her chair, specimen cup in hand.]
Doctor Wilson: Allright, I'm going to take a look at this and while I'm gone... well, you remember how I told you that there's a fair amount of evidence now it's more likely to take if you're aroused.
[Bette looks a tiny bit put off at the suggestion. The doctor turns the light off and winks at Bette then leaves the room. Bette turns toward Tina.]
Bette: (laughs) She's not serious! Am I supposed to f*ck you, right here?
Tina: I think it would help.
[Bette smiles and sighs, then walks around to the end of the table and sits between Tina's legs. Still smiling, she sighs again as she lifts the paper drape covering Tina and ducks underneath. Tina closes her eyes, then puts her hand on Bette's head, through the paper. The paper crinkles as Bette moves. Tina sighs, relaxing.]
[Bette laughs and comes up from under the paper.]
Bette: (laughing) This is just... this is, this is too weird for me, I mean, I - I - I just - y'know, I really - frankly, I find it incredibly inappropriate that she even suggested that, you know, I bet she would never do that with a straight couple!
[Tina gives her a look. She nods at her to get back to work. Bette purses her lips and ducks back under the paper.]
[After a moment, someone knocks at the door. Bette comes up from under the paper, wiping her mouth. Tina sighs again.]
Bette: Come in!
[Dr. Wilson opens the door.]
Doctor Wilson: (to Bette) Could you come here a minute, please?
[Bette sighs and looks at Tina. Tina rolls her eyes a little. Bette stands, kisses Tina on the knee and walks out of the room. Tina throws her hands up.]
INT. - DOCTOR WILSON'S OFFICE - LAB - DAY
[Bette follows Dr. Wilson into the lab. Dr. Wilson points out a computer monitor.]
Doctor Wilson: You might want to take a look at this.
[Bette leans down to look at the monitor, upon which is shown Sean's sperm sample under a microscope. Only a few of the sperm are barely moving.]
Bette: Shouldn't they be moving more?
Doctor Wilson: Yeah. That's what I wanted to show you. I am so sorry to tell you, but that stuff wouldn't get anyone pregnant. Those little fellas just don't have what it takes.
[Bette stands up, looking unhappy.]
INT. - LAURELWOOD FARMS MARKET - DAY
[Neighborhood grocery store. Jenny carries a basket of groceries to a check-out. The cashier wears a button that says "Positions Available - Ask Me!"]
Jenny: Hello.
Cashier: Hi.
Jenny: What kind of, um, positions do you have available because I might be looking for a job.
Cashier: Oh, um, cashier.
Jenny: Really?
Cashier: Yep.
Jenny: Excellent. Um, could I have an application?
Cashier: Yeah.
Jenny: Great.
INT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[Tina walks in and heads for the table where Alice and Dana sit. Alice jumps up to greet Tina.]
Alice: (offscreen, whispering) There she is, there she is. (onscreen, to Tina) Ah, your ladyship! Please! Don't jar anything.
Dana: It's not like it's gonna dislodge if she sits down too hard, Alice.
Tina: (sitting) There's nothing to dislodge. Sean's sperm is lackluster.
[Alice gasps.] Tina:: He's low-motility. No motility, actually.
Alice: Oh, my god. You would never know it by the way he f*cks.
Dana: Oh, Christ, Alice! When are you gonna make up your mind between dick and pussy, and spare us the gory bisexual details, please.
Alice: Well, for your information, Dana, I am looking for the same qualities in a man as I am in a woman.
Dana: (to Tina, gesturing) Big tits.
Tina: Anyway, it explains why I haven't gotten pregnant after six months.
Alice: Oh, sorry Tee, he was the perfect donor.
Tina: He was the one who Bette wanted. But my egg just implanted, so I could still conceive any time over the next two or three days. So you gotta help me find another donor.
[Marina walks to the table and sits.]
Marina: Hold on, now, what's the matter?
[Alice and Dana sigh.]
Dana: Sean's jism is no good.
[Marina pats Tina's arm.]
Marina: Oh, well, find you someone else!
Tina: Who? I've got two days.
Marina: Well, between the four of us, we'll come up with someone. What, he has to be healthy, strong, creative, handsome...
Tina: Artistic.
[Shane enters the cafe.]
Dana: There's always Shane.
[Shane makes her way over to their table and takes off her sunglasses. She's dressed in a shirt with cutoff sleeves and her hair is messy.]
Shane: Guys!
Alice: Hey!
Dana: Y'know, do you have to dress like that all the time?
[Shane looks down at her own clothing.]
Shane: Like what?
Dana: Well, I wouldn't be seen on the street with you.
Shane: Yeah?
Dana: I mean, every single thing about the way you're dressed, like, screams dyke.
[Alice looks at Dana pointedly.]
Alice: God, Dana.
Shane: Sorry, man.
Dana: What, look, if I'm outed, I'm screwed, Alice, allright? Sponsors aren't exactly clamoring to have their stuff repped by big ol' lezzie tennis players....
[Alice rolls her eyes and looks up.]
Dana: ... What?
Shane: No, no, no, look, it's cool, I totally dig you need to make a living. (picks up her drink) I'm meeting a client anyway.
[Shane walks off. Alice looks at Dana.]
Alice: Y'know, you are gonna pickle in that self-loathing homophobia, I swear.
Dana: Well you know you're gonna shrivel in that self-righteous priggishness.
Tina: You guys.
Alice: Allright. (to Tina) Who would squirt into a jar for you?
[Someone outside catches Dana's eye. She raises a brow.]
Dana: (mock British accent) Hello.
[It's Jenny, going home from the grocery store. Everyone turns to look.]
Dana: What!
Alice: You are just so gay.
Tina: (rolling eyes) So gay.
[Dana slumps a little, tossing up a hand.]
Dana: I know. (a beat) I know.
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S LIVINGROOM - NIGHT
[Jenny and Tim are on the couch facing each other, being intimate, kissing, touching each other. Jenny sits on Tim's lap.]
Jenny: (seductive) Do you, uh, do you know the neighbors next door?
[They kiss.]
Tim: Bette and Tina?
Jenny: Yeah. Are they, um, a gay couple?
Tim: Yeah, they are.
Jenny: 'Cause I saw them having s*x in their pool this afternoon.
Tim: No way, not Bette and Tina.
Jenny: What, they don't have s*x?
Tim: No, probably they do, it's just that ... you sure you saw them gettin' down?
[Jenny takes his shirt off.]
Jenny: I saw them getting way down, Tim.
Tim: Is that right.
Jenny: Mm-hmm.
Tim: Why don't you tell me about it.
Jenny: Okay.
[They kiss.]
Jenny: There was this girl... with short black hair.
[Jenny pulls off his undershirt.]
Jenny: And she walks out, and she takes off her clothes in, like, two seconds flat.
Tim: Yeah?
Jenny: Yeah.
[Tim pulls Jenny's shirt off.]
Tim: Like this?
Jenny: I think it was a little bit faster.
Tim: Oh, really.
Jenny: Yeah, I do.
Tim: We'll work on that.
Jenny: Okay. And then there was, um, this blonde girl... who had these really beautiful breasts.
Tim: (smiling) Oh, really.
Jenny: I wasn't really watching that closely.
Tim: Oh, I think you were watching. (a beat) (whispering) Very closely. What'd they do next?
[Tim slips his hands under Jenny's bra.]
Jenny: (whispering) The tough, skinny one takes the blonde, vampy one...
[Tim kisses Jenny's breast.]
Jenny: ... backs her against the side of the pool... and then she begins to f*ck her.
[Tim turns them over so that Jenny is sitting on the couch and he's kneeling between her legs. He pulls off both their pants.]
Tim: Like this?
[They start having s*x.]
Jenny: Ah, f*ck.
[music]
EXT. - SWIMMING POOL - DAY
[A line of female swimmers dives into the pool. Their coach, Tim, stands off to the side with a clipboard in hand. He blows his whistle.]
EXT. - SWIMMING POOL - NEAR LOCKER ROOMS - DAY
[A swimmer, Trish, is wrapping herself in a towel. Tim and his assistant coach, Randy, stand nearby.]
Randy: Trish!
Trish: Hey.
Randy: Your backstroke is looking much better.
Trish: Thanks!
Randy: Looking good for U.S.C. (to Tim) Uh, you guys got some extra stroke time scheduled?
Tim: Uh, yeah, (to Trish) tomorrow after physics, right?
Trish: Yeah. (to Tim) Hey, do you think that maybe you could come with me in the morning to talk to Durst about repeating my midterm?
Tim: I can't really do it in the morning. Um, my girlfriend Jenny is in town. She wants me to take her car shopping.
[Trish walks with Tim toward the building.]
Trish: Oh, she's moving here?
Tim: Yep, she's in it for the long haul. (smiles)
Trish: Oh.
[Trish walks on without Tim.]
Tim: Trish!
[Trish turns around]
Tim: Maybe after practice you and I can go talk to Durst together.
Trish: (tosses up a hand) Okay.
[Trish walks off. Tim turns around. Randy laughs at him and puts a hand on his shoulder.]
Randy: Yeah. Now you know you just broke that girl's heart, right?
Tim: Sorry, man, what was I supposed to do?
Randy: Ohh...
INT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[Bette and Tina walk in. Bette runs over to Dana, who's sitting at a table with Alice and Shane.]
Bette: (to Dana) God, is that Dana Fairbanks at The Planet in West Hollywood?
[Dana feigns mock surprise and smiles.]
Alice: Shh! She doesn't want her tennis fans to know she's a gay lady!
[Everyone laughs but Dana. Bette and Tina seat themselves at the table.]
Dana: (serious) Funny. (to Bette and Tina) Okay, fine. What do you guys think about butt waxing?
Tina: Who has hair on their butt?
Bette: I don't know.
[Everyone's very quiet. Suddenly, Dana gasps and points at Alice.]
Dana: Alice!
Alice: At least I don't anymore.
Shane: Man, why don't you just trim it?
Bette: Listen you guys (standing to leave), you're going to have to figure this all out without the benefit of my wisdom.
Alice: Oh! Bette, Tina, guess what! I had a genius idea. I have solved your donor problem! You two are having a party this Saturday night, and we are inviting all of the eligible men that we know.
Dana: Oh yeah, that's right, all two of them.
Shane: Oh, yeah. Get them all together, at one time.
Alice: Right! You just go fishin' in the pond!
Bette: (amused) Great.
[Tina looks up at Bette.]
Tina: Great!
Bette: I'm leaving now. (waves)
Alice: Allright. I'm gonna call ya about that!
Bette: Okay.
[Bette leaves.]
Dana: Back to my question, please.
Alice: Okay. Trimming is essential. Y'know? You just do it a few days before you get laid. Assuming you ever do.
[Dana promptly turns to Alice and gives her "the finger".]
Tina: Whatever you do, you have to deal with it. Otherwise, you'll never have bush confidence.
[Shane winks at Dana. Dana knits her brow at her.]
Tina: If you don't have bush confidence, you won't feel good about your bush. And you'll never get laid.
Alice: So deal with it.
Dana: (reluctant) Okay.
INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Jenny is pacing, notebook in hand. She stops and goes outside, to the fence that overlooks Bette and Tina's pool.]
EXT. TIM & JENNY'S BACKYARD - DAY
[Jenny stands at the fence. Tina, tending her garden, pops up on the other side.]
Tina: Do you need any rosemary?
[Tina is gardening by the fence.]
Tina: It's kinda taking over my garden.
[Jenny is a little bit startled.]
Jenny: (smiling) Oh, hi.
Tina: Did I scare you? I'm sorry.
Jenny: No, no, no, not at all. I'm Jenny.
Tina: I'm Tina.
[They shake hands over the fence.]
Jenny: It's nice to meet you. Um, I would love some rosemary.
[Tina motions for her to come around.]
EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S BACKYARD - DAY
[Tina and Jenny are sitting in the yard, talking.]
Jenny: I have this story that I've written called, um, "Thus Spoke Sarah Schuster." I feel like that's, like, the last story that I ever want to write about being a student.
Tina: Oh, you might change your mind when you get older. I'm actually thinking about going back to school. I'd like a new career.
Jenny: You should do it.
Tina: Yeah?
Jenny: Yeah.
Tina: Maybe in a couple of years. But right now I'm, uh, trying to have a baby.
Jenny: Ah! Really? But Tim said that you and... Bette?
Tina: Yeah.
Jenny: Were a couple.
Tina: We are.
Jenny: Oh...
Tina: And we're trying to get pregnant.
Jenny: (embarrassed) Oh, my god, yes, no, yes. (stands)
Tina: (smiling) Well, everything still works.
Jenny: Yes!
Tina: We can still have a baby.
Jenny: It's just like... (embarrassed) there was like a momentary brain lapse. (giggles)
[Tina waves to someone nearby. A group of men, with babies in baby carriers strapped to their chests and backs, go walking past on the sidewalk. They wave at Tina.]
Tina: (to guys) Hey guys!
Guys: Hey!
Tina: (to Jenny) Gay dad's group.
Jenny: (excited) Oh, my god...
Tina: They meet once a week at a house over on Ogden. It's all very L.A., huh?
Jenny: (sincere) No, it's nice. (a beat) Um, I should go home and write.
Tina: Okay. (chuckles)
Jenny: (nods) Okay. Thank you very much for the rosemary.
Tina: You're welcome.
[Jenny starts to walk back]
Tina: We're having a party tomorrow night.
Jenny: Oh yeah?
Tina: You and Tim should come.
Jenny: Okay. I'll ask Tim if he wants to. Nice meeting you.
Tina: It's nice to meet you, too, Jenny.
Jenny: Bye.
[Jenny leaves. Tina stands.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. - A BUSY BOULEVARD - NIGHT
[A cop pulls over an older car. It's Kit, Bette's older half-sister.]
[Kit sighs and takes off her sunglasses and rolls down the window. The policeman approaches and shines a flashlight in her face.]
Kit: (smiling) Hey! What do you have to say for yourself, huh?
Cop: May I see your license and registration?
Kit: Look, I really gotta be -
Cop: Ma'am.
Kit: Okay. A'ight. Hang on, hang on.
[Kit reaches over to the glovebox and pulls out the info for the cop.]
Kit: Y'know, I was on my way to my first paying gig in over a year.
[She hands him her license and registration. He looks it over and heads back to his cruiser.]
INT. - BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[There's a party going on. Lots of people are there, mostly women. Music plays in the background.]
[A couple of women are conversing in the corner.]
Woman #1: You are so overreacting, she is our friend.
Woman #2: Oh! Like that's ever stopped you before.
[Bette and Alice pass by them.]
Bette: Like that's ever stopped anyone before.
Alice: Right. Lesbians think friendship's another word for foreplay.
[Shane comes in the door. She and Tina hug.]
Shane: Hello! How ya doing?
Tina: Hey!
Bette: (watching Shane and Tina) Have you ever noticed that every time Shane walks into a room, someone leaves crying?
[A blonde girl, Lacey, taps Shane on the shoulder. Shane turns around.]
Lacey: Shane?
Shane: Yeah? Hey!
Lacey: Hey, how come you didn't call me the other night? I left like... 5 messages.
[Bette and Tina watch from the corner.]
Shane: Oh, well I ... you know, I haven't had my cell phone, so... when I go get my cell phone and I check my messages, I will call you. (smiles) Allright. It was good to see you, though!
Lacey: (walking off) Mm-hmm.
Shane: Take care.
[Shane watches as Lacey walks away.]
[Lacey grabs the front door handle and yanks the door open to run out, nearly running into Tim and Jenny, who are coming in.]
Lacey: That's just wrong, you just can't treat people like that! (to Jenny) You have to tell Shane that that's just not right.
Jenny: (wary) Okay, I'll tell her...
[Lacey brushes past them and leaves the party. Tim smiles. They go inside. Tina meets them.]
Jenny: Hi.
Tina: Hi, welcome.
[Tina greets them with a kiss on the cheek]
Tina: Everyone, I want you to meet our nextdoor neighbors.
[Bette, Shane and Alice look up to see Jenny and Tim.]
Bette: Oh, hi.
Tina: This is Tim.
Bette: Oh, and this must be -
Tim: Jenny.
Bette: Nice to meet you. Bette.
[Bette and Jenny shake hands.]
Jenny: Nice to meet you.
Tina: And Alice Pieszecki, and Shane McCutcheon.
[Alice and Jenny shake hands. Shane raises her brows at Jenny.]
[Tim spots Dana standing a few feet away.]
Tim: (to Dana) Excuse me. Are you... Dana Fairbanks?
[Dana turns around, caught unaware.]
Dana: I'm sorry, what?
Tim: Dana Fairbanks.
Dana: Yes! I am.
[Tim and Dana shake hands. Tim gushes like a schoolboy.]
Tim: I'm a huge fan.
Dana: Really!
Tim: I saw you almost beat Capriati last year at the Women's Invitational.
Alice: (to Shane, re: Dana) Great, she's gonna be insufferable.
Shane: (to Dana) Oh, god. It's just one fan, it's okay.
Tim: Jenny, this is, um, Dana Fairbanks.
[While Tim is introducing her, Dana snags a nearby guy and pulls him over to her side. Dana and Jenny shake hands.]
Jenny: Hi.
Tim: She's one of the best players in the women's tennis circuit right now.
Dana: (chuckles) This is my doubles partner, Harrison Landy. (to Harrison) Um, honey...
[Bette and Tina watch the exchange with amusement.]
Dana: This is...
Tim: Tim.
[Tim and Harrison shake hands.]
Dana: Tim and Jenny.
Tim: Good to meet you.
Harrison: Hi, Jenny.
[Jenny and Harrison shake hands.]
Jenny: Nice to meet you.
[A couple of girls grab Shane's hand and look at it.]
Shane: What the hell are you doing?
Girl #1: Field research.
Girl #2: Yeah, there's a scientist at the National Enquirer who says that if your ring finger is longer than your index finger, it means you're a lesbian.
[Bette, Tina, and everybody else start looking at their own hands.]
Girl #3: Yeah. (holding up hand) Totally gay.
Girl #1: Has there ever been any doubt?
Tina: Oh, my god, look, I'm gay too.
Bette: (kissing Tina's hand) Thank god, because otherwise I'd have to leave you.
[Dana looks unhappy.]
Girl #2: Okay, Alice makes the team, but just barely.
Tim: (clears throat) This may be controversial, but it... seems like I may be a lesbian, too.
[Everyone laughs.]
[Girl #3 grabs Jenny's hand.]
Girl #3: Huh, that's so weird. Her index finger and ring finger are exactly the same length.
Tina: What does that mean?
Alice: Maybe she's bisexual.
[Tim laughs.]
Tina: Oh, look, there's Simon Bonham.
Bette: Dana, Harrison, can you make Tim and Jenny a drink for me?
[Shane catches the eye of a blonde girl across the room. They exchange a glance.]
Dana: Yeah, sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure. (to Tim) Uh, drinks? Kitchen?
Tim: Yeah. Great.
Harrison: So, Tim, do you play tennis? 'Cause I'm always looking for a little action.
Tim: Uh...
Dana: Okay, drinks.
Tim: Actually, uh, I'm a swim coach.
Harrison: Oh.
EXT. - A BUSY BOULEVARD - NIGHT
[The cop brings Kit back her license.]
Cop: According to our computer, ma'am, this license was revoked six months ago.
Kit: Well, that's would I would call a technicality.
Cop: If you want to get technical, I should haul you downtown and throw you in jail.
Kit: I was on my way to a gig at the Roxy! Yeah, uh, you know Ivan Neville, he's on the bill with me, well he and I were gonna check out a AA meeting together.
Cop: Ivan Neville of the... Neville Brothers?
Kit: Yeah.
Cop: God, I love the Neville Brothers!
Kit: Uh, oh, well, have you ever seen them in concert?
Cop: Once. Years ago. Back when I was stationed in New Orleans, I mean...
Kit: Ohh, well have you ever been on stage, five feet away from Aaron and his brothers performing? Say, like, a... uh, a month from now at the House of Blues? You know, I could hook you up.
Cop: Allright, look. (hands license back) This is still revoked. Allright? We have to leave the car.
[Kit gets out of the car]
INT. - BETTE AND TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[Back at the party. Shane and the girl she saw at the party are against the wall, heavily making out. Dana is making drinks. Harrison is sitting on a table next to her, sipping on a Cosmo. Tim and Jenny stand nearby. Jenny watches Shane and the girl kissing.]
Jenny: (to Tim, re: Shane) Wow. This is very - a very interesting party.
Dana: Oh, that's because Bette's a big art world lady. So there are a lot of artists.
[Shane winks at Jenny.]
Jenny: Yeah, there are a lot of, uh...
Harrison: Lezzies?
Dana: Really? (to Tim/Jenny) Are there really? You know, I hadn't noticed that.
Tim: Yeah, it's kinda hard to miss.
Jenny: (to Tim) Uh, Tina told me that she and Bette are thinking about having a baby.
Tim: Mm-hmm.
Harrison: Oh, there's a lot of that going around. (laughs) They even had to change that famous joke. It used to be: What do lesbians bring on a second date?
[Dana starts mixing the drinks a little more fervently.]
Harrison: A moving van. Now, it's: What do lesbians bring on a second date? A turkey baster.
[Tim and Jenny are a little amused, but don't get it. Dana laughs out of nervousness. Harrison is laughing so hard he can't catch his breath.]
Dana: (laughing) That's so funny. Honey, I don't even know why you'd know that joke. (to Tim/Jenny) Who's he been hanging out with, huh?
[Dana smacks Harrison with a bar towel and he spills part of his drink on himself, still laughing.]
Dana: (to Tim/Jenny) Excuse me.
[Dana marches over to Bette and Tina, who are in the middle of a pitch to a potential sperm donor, Simon.]
Dana: Excuse me (to Simon) I'm sorry. (to Tina) What were you thinking?
Tina: Excuse me, Simon. (to Dana) What was I thinking, what?
Dana: For inviting those geeky straight people (to Simon), I'm sorry, no offense. (to Tina) I mean, I've gotta hang on Harrison all night like some big, fat hetero.
Bette: Excuse me, Dana? (takes Dana's hand) We really love you, but, it's not our cross to bear that you and Harrison have decided to masquerade as Ozzie and Harriet. (pats hand) K?
[Dana rolls her eyes and storms off.]
Bette: Sorry, Simon. So, what was I saying?
Tina: Commitment.
Bette: Oh, commitment. Uh, we wouldn't expect any kind of committment from you, financial or otherwise, I mean really you wouldn't even have to know the child if you... didn't...
Tina: Oh, it'd be nice if you wanted to have, I mean, we'd like it if our donor had a relationship with our child.
Bette: But you'd have to sign a donor contract, relinquishing all parental rights -
Simon: Whoa, Bette. Tina. Slow down. I... don't want you to waste your breath.
Bette: Why?
Simon: I'm flattered. Totally flattered. But... I just couldn't handle it. I mean... what happens when this kid turns 17, his life's a complete mess, hates both of your guts and next thing I know he's camped out on my doorstep, asking me to save him from his miserable f*cking life. (laughs) I can't do that.
[Bette and Tina smile and laugh at each other.]
ELSEWHERE AT THE PARTY -
[Alice and Jenny are on a couch, talking about writing. Alice seems very interested in Jenny.]
Alice: Best first fiction?
Jenny: Yes.
Alice: Wow. Isn't that like a major prize?
Jenny: Um, I guess so.
Alice: So, um, what's, what's the, uh, story about?
Jenny: I have this, uh, this character that I write about that's sort of like this alter ego but not really, um, and the story is called "Thus Spoke Sarah Schuster."
[Marina comes around and sits on the arm of the couch]
Marina: That's pretty bold. I hope you're good.
[Jenny smiles at her.]
Alice: Um, Jenny, this is Marina. She owns The Planet. It's a little cafe down on Santa Monica.
Jenny: Yeah, I, I walked by the other day but it was too crowded so I didn't go in.
Marina: It gets really crowded, thanks to Alice who wrote me up in her magazine.
Alice: (laughing) (to Marina) Aw.
Jenny: (to Alice) Are you a writer?
Alice: Yeah, for L.A. Magazine? Yeah. More of a journalist. Little different from you.
Jenny: (shy) I don't think it's different.
Alice: (to Marina) Jenny just won this literary prize. It's really big, for... this story she was just talking about.
[Marina raises a brow and nods at Jenny.]
Alice: "Just Spoke" something? "Just"...
Marina: Oh, "Thus Spoke Zarathustra". That's a Nietzsche reference.
Jenny: (smiles) (nods) Yeah.
Marina: Has your story been published?
Jenny: Um -
Alice: (to Jenny) Yes! It'll be in the next "Best American Short Stories," right? Which is, I don't know if I told you but I write a lot of "Best Of" pieces.
Jenny: Oh, okay.
Marina: That's where I discovered Amy Bloom, I read this beautiful story she wrote called, um... "Silver Water."
Jenny: (smiling) "Come To Me." That's one of my favorite collections. I think that I've probably read everything that Amy Bloom has ever written.
Alice: I'm about to start on this "Best Cosmetics Under $100."
Jenny: Oh.
Alice: I don't know. There's supposedly this guy in Calabasas that does these Botox injections for seventy five bucks a pop.
Jenny: Isn't that illegal?
[Marina puts her hand on Alice's shoulder and talks over her.]
Marina: (to Jenny) Have you read anything by Anne Carson?
Jenny: (blushing a little) "The Autobiography of Red." "Eros the Bittersweet." I think, um, those books practically changed my life.
[Camera closeup of Jenny's lips]
Jenny: What about you? Have you read them?
Marina: (nods) Yes.
Alice: Wow! (laughs) You guys should totally take the Cosmo romance compatibility quiz!
Marina: (chuckling) Well, this would be my singular romantic compatibility question: What is your favorite - no, no no. Your most... influential, important, life-altering book, of all time.
[Jenny and Marina stare at each other for a couple of moments, saying nothing.]
Jenny: (a beat) (smiles) I don't know if I want to answer that.
[Marina raises a brow.]
Jenny: What's yours?
Marina: I asked you first.
Alice: I have an idea! (laughs) Jenny, you could whisper yours in this ear, and Marina you could whisper yours in this ear, and I'll tell ya if you're compatible. (chuckles) (mumbles) 'Cause I think I already know.
[Marina leans forward and whispers into Alice's ear. Jenny leans forward and whispers into Alice's other ear. Alice then laughs.]
Alice: Huh. Whatever. I'm just... gonna leave you two alone to get married!
[Alice leaves, laughing.]
Jenny: What did you say?
Marina: What did you say?
[Lots of closeups of both Marina's lips, Jenny's eyes... yep.]
EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S BACKYARD - NIGHT
[Bette and Tina are talking to another potential sperm donor, Robin.]
Tina: Bette was set on an artist, but she says you have exquisite taste in the work that you show in your gallery.
Bette: I do.
Robin: Aw. You said that?
[Bette nods, smiling.]
Robin: Y'know, I gotta tell ya, I couldn't be more flattered. I know you two are gonna be wonderful mothers and I bet you'll have guys lining up around the block begging to jerk off for ya.
[Bette sips her drink, chuckling.]
Bette: Robin, are you setting us up for a turn down?
Robin: Believe me, it's got nothing to do with you guys and I have no reservations about you two, it's my own genetic shortcomings which I wouldn't want to pass on to any child. I mean, look how bow-legged I am? It's a family trait.
[Bette and Tina look down at his legs.]
Tina: Oh, that's cute, we could live with that.
Robin: I also carry the gene for buck teeth, my mother and my three sisters are all -
Bette: (smiling) There are always braces.
[Robin looks at them both.]
Robin: We also have the propensity for shingles. Early onset manic depression.
Bette: Both treatable. (smiles)
Robin: Premature hair loss. Among the women, (gestures to his own bald head) as well as the men. It's...
Tina: (gestures to her own hair) Oh, we could get one of those ...
Bette: A weave.
Robin: Also a hideous... tendency to drool?
Tina: Okay. (smiles)
Bette: We get the picture.
Tina: We get it.
Robin: (smiles) Okay.
Tina: Yep.
Bette: Thank you.
Tina: Thanks, Robin.
Robin: Sure. Sorry. Good luck.
[Bette and Tina walk away.]
EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S FRONT YARD - NIGHT
[The cop is helping Kit out of his cruiser.]
Cop: I'm really sorry you missed your gig. You know what to do about your car?
Kit: Yeah. Yeah, don't go beating yourself up over it.
[The cop gets Kit's things out of the backseat.]
Kit: You are one decent human being, and that's rare in this soulless town. Keep it real!
Cop: Allright.
[Kit enters the house.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[Kit enter | Plan: A: Jenny Schecter; Q: Who is the young writer who graduates from college in Iowa? A: Jenny; Q: Who betrays Tim Haspel by sleeping with Marina Ferrer? A: Mia Kirshner; Q: Who plays Jenny Schecter? A: Tim Haspel; Q: Who is Jenny Schecter's boyfriend? A: Eric Mabius; Q: Who plays Tim Haspel? A: a university women's swim team coach; Q: What is Tim Haspel's job? A: Los Angeles; Q: Where does Jenny move to after college? A: Her new neighbors; Q: Who are Bette Porter and Tina Kennard? A: Jennifer Beals; Q: Who plays Bette Porter? A: Tina; Q: Who introduces Jenny to her circle of friends? A: Laurel Holloman; Q: Who plays Tina Kennard? A: seven years; Q: How long have Bette Porter and Tina Kennard been together? A: his sperm; Q: What do Bette Porter and Tina Kennard need to have a child? A: Erin Daniels; Q: Who plays Dana Fairbanks? A: a prim, proper and closeted tennis player; Q: What is Dana Fairbanks's profession? A: the witty and ambitious bisexual journalist Alice Pieszecki; Q: Who is Leisha Hailey? A: the androgynous, sexually aggressive hairstylist Shane McCutcheon; Q: Who is Katherine Moennig? A: Karina Lombard; Q: Who plays Marina Ferrer? A: European owner; Q: What is Marina Ferrer's nationality? A: The Planet coffeehouse; Q: Where does Marina Ferrer work? A: problems; Q: What do Bette and Tina have with their own child? A: African American; Q: What race is the donor for Bette and Tina's child? A: her alcoholic older half-sister Kit; Q: Who is the only straight female character in the main cast? A: ( Pam Grier; Q: Who plays Kit? A: her singing career; Q: What is Kit's problem? A: a ring; Q: What does Jenny find on her breakfast table the morning after she betrays Tim? Summary: Jenny Schecter ( Mia Kirshner ) is a young writer who graduates from college in Iowa and moves in with her boyfriend, Tim Haspel ( Eric Mabius ), a university women's swim team coach, in Los Angeles. Her new neighbors, Bette Porter ( Jennifer Beals ) and Tina Kennard ( Laurel Holloman ), a couple for seven years now, have a hard time finding a male willing to donate his sperm to fulfill their wish for a child. Tina introduces Jenny to her circle of friends: Dana Fairbanks ( Erin Daniels ), a prim, proper and closeted tennis player, the witty and ambitious bisexual journalist Alice Pieszecki ( Leisha Hailey ) and the androgynous, sexually aggressive hairstylist Shane McCutcheon ( Katherine Moennig ). Jenny also meets Marina Ferrer ( Karina Lombard ), European owner of The Planet coffeehouse, who is immediately drawn to Jenny and eventually kisses her in the toilet. Bette and Tina have their own problems and discuss using an African American as a donor for their child, which Tina will carry. Bette also deals with her alcoholic older half-sister Kit ( Pam Grier ), who has problems with her singing career, the only straight female character of the main cast. Jenny soon betrays Tim by sleeping with Marina. The next morning, Jenny finds a ring from Tim on her breakfast table. |
[River Court]
(Where we left off with Brooke and Lucas talking)
LUCAS: What do you mean, you think?
BROOKE: I mean I'm late. Like, late.
LUCAS: Did you take a test? (She shakes her head no) Okay. Okay, um. Look, we have to know, okay? Maybe it's a false alarm, you know? Come on. Drug Store's still open. We'll do it together. Okay?
[Karen's Front Porch]
(Keith is standing in front of her with the ring box open)
KEITH: Marry me. (Karen looks at the ring for a minute)
KAREN: I don't know what to say.
KEITH: Well, yes would be a good start.
KAREN: It just seems so out of the blue.
KEITH: After 15 years? Look, Karen, when you left for Italy we had a future. We're still the same two people who stood at that airport. I was the man who was in love with you. And I still am.
KAREN: I love you too, Keith. You're my best friend. You've been a wonderful father figure for Lucas. But the time away, the distance, it gave me a new perspective.
KEITH: On us?
KAREN: On everything. Tree Hill is such a small part of the world. And maybe it's where I belong, but there's so much more out there. Italy was the first time since Lucas was born that I've spent any time alone. I realized I only know my self as Lucas' mother. I've got to find the rest of me. You mean the world to me, Keith. (She hands him the box back) But I'm sorry. I can't marry you. (He nods)
[Brook's Room]
(She comes out of the bathroom to Lucas who is sitting on the bed. She shows him the positive pregnancy test)
LUCAS: It's positive.
BROOKE: Oh my God. (She starts crying and sits next to him) I'm pregnant. (Lucas puts his arm around her back and she pushes him off and stands up)
LUCAS: Come on. I know you're still mad at me. Okay? But I'm here for you. Alright, we'll go to the doctor tomorrow. In the city. I'll take you.
BROOKE: I'll take myself.
LUCAS: Brooke. I'm just as scared as you are. But I want to help. Please. Just, trust me.
BROOKE: Yeah cause that worked out so well for me the last time. (She walks away from him)
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Haley walks into his bedroom and he is still asleep. She smiles at him and crawls onto the bed)
HALEY: (Whispering into his ear) Hey you, wake up.
NATHAN: Hey.
HALEY: Hey.
NATHAN: I didn't even hear you come in.
HALEY: Well you didn't hear your alarm clock either.
NATHAN: That's cause it didn't go off. Everybody gets up at six. Geez.
HALEY: Well, time to get up. (She starts to get off and he grabs her back)
NATHAN: I am up. Come here.
HALEY: Oh yeah? (They start kissing then the alarm goes off) Oh, I'll get that. (She bends over to turn it off and Nathan sees her tattoo) You want me to start your shower?
NATHAN: Uh, yeah. Thanks.
HALEY: Okay. (She leaves and Nathan looks confused)
[Women's Clinic]
(Lucas is waiting outside for Brooke)
LUCAS: So, what happened?
BROOKE: The nurse said they'd call me in a few hours with the results, and then she asked me about the father. (Dan is driving by and sees her car and the two of them outside the clinic)
LUCAS: What did you say?
BROOKE: I told her the sorry bro hoe kicked my @#%$ to the curb. (She walks away)
LUCAS: God.
[Locker Room]
(Nathan is at his locker and Lucas comes up to him)
LUCAS: So this whole thing with Haley really was just your way of messing with me, huh?
NATHAN: What's your problem now?
LUCAS: I saw you making out with Peyton last night.
NATHAN: Look, maybe you're a little slow, but we kissed because it was the auction rules.
LUCAS: I know what I saw. (Nathan opens his locker and Lucas slams it shut)
NATHAN: I'm about to beat your @#%$, man.
LUCAS: I promised Haley I'd give you a break, that's about the only thing that's you right now. (Nathan shoves him)
NATHAN: Look, I kissed Peyton like you kissed Haley. That's it. What are you so tweaked about?
LUCAS: Never mind. Sorry. (He leaves)
[Jake's House]
(Nikki is at the door)
JAKE: What do you want, Nikki?
NIKKI: I think we covered that. (She looks in at Peyton holding Jenny) Let me hold her.
JAKE: No, no she's tired. Peyton, could you take Jenny to her room for me, please?
PEYTON: Yeah.
JAKE: Thanks. (She leaves)
NIKKI: Is that your girlfriend?
JAKE: She's just a friend, okay? She sits for Jenny sometimes.
NIKKI: Relax, I'm just asking.
JAKE: Nikki-
NIKKI: Listen, our little romantic outing to the grocery store got me thinking. You shouldn't have to be using food stamps and paying for everything. I can help you. I have some tuition money left over-
JAKE: I don't want your money.
NIKKI: Jake, this isn't fair. Now you won't let me be a part of my daughter's life but you'll hand her off to some babysitter?
JAKE: Hey, Jenny loves Peyton. She's got a lot of other people that care about her too.
NIKKI: And none of those people are her mother. (She turns around to the mantel and looks at the pictures on it)
JAKE: What are you looking at? (She picks up his basketball team picture)
NIKKI: You're life. (She sees Lucas in it)
JAKE: Yeah, that's my life. You notice who's not in it? (Peyton is listening from the stairs)
[Outside School]
(Lucas is running up to Brooke)
LUCAS: Brooke, hold on. Still no news?
BROOKE: Did I come find you?
LUCAS: Well where are you going?
BROOKE: Away from you.
LUCAS: Hey, come on, you can't cut me out of this. I'm just as worried as you are.
BROOKE: Oh really? Or are you just worried that having a kid might deflate your market value?
LUCAS: That's not it.
BROOKE: Oh that's right you're not on the market anymore. You're a one woman kind of guy. Speaking of which, how is my former best friend?
LUCAS: Peyton has nothing to do with this, okay?
BROOKE: Not yet. Maybe you can pull a Dan Scott and knock her up too.
LUCAS: Brooke!
BROOKE: Or maybe then you can move on to random bar-sluts. Oh wait you've already done that. Better be careful, Danny Jr., never know how many kids you're going to end up with.
LUCAS: Oh yeah, that's real nice, Brooke. And by the way. It's not like I'm the only guy you've ever slept with.
BROOKE: What's your point?
LUCAS: How do I even know it's mine? (her phone rings)
BROOKE: It's the doctor. Hello? Yeah, this is Brooke. Okay. Thank you. (She hangs up) Trust me, it's yours. (She drives away)
[Deb's House]
(She is exercising and Dan comes in behind her. She bends over in front of him and sees him between her legs)
DAN: Oh, that reminds me.
DEB: How did you get in here?
DAN: Door was open. Why? Who were you expecting? Another high school boy with his pants around his ankles?
DEB: What do you want, Dan?
DAN: I want my son to come to his senses. Have you seen his apartment?
DEB: Yeah, I dropped off some food.
DAN: Did he ask you for any money?
DEB: No, but I gave him some.
DAN: Oh, that's great. That's great. Don't you ever want him to come home?
DEB: I want him home as much as you do. But for once in his life you need to let him make his own mistakes.
DAN: Right, you bring him food and cash and I'm the one who needs to let him make his own mistakes. Oh and by the way, you can tell your friend Karen, her son was coming out of a family planning clinic. With a date. Is that the kind of mistake you had in mind for Nathan? (Deb leaves the room)
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Haley and Nathan come running in in their bathing suits with Towels around them)
NATHAN: You hungry?
HALEY: Oh, I'm hungry for you.
NATHAN: No I'm serious. We can heat something up, or go out and eat if you want to.
HALEY: What's wrong?
NATHAN: Nothing, I'm just hungry.
HALEY: I don't buy it. Talk to me.
NATHAN: I just don't feel like making out, that's all.
HALEY: You realize you just said that, right? Since when?
NATHAN: Since you got my jersey number tattooed on your @#%$.
HALEY: Oh. Above my @#%$, actually. When did you see that?
NATHAN: This morning.
HALEY: Does that bother you?
NATHAN: I'm just confused as hell. I mean you'll do something that permanent, but you won't have s*x with me?
HALEY: You can get a tattoo removed, Nathan. s*x is a really big deal for me.
NATHAN: I get that. That's why I haven't been pressuring you into it.
HALEY: The way you're not pressuring me right now.
NATHAN: I'm going to heat up some food.
[Outside School]
(Brooke is walking with the cheerleaders towards Lucas)
LUCAS: Brooke.
BROOKE: I'm busy.
LUCAS: Look, don't shut me out on this, okay? We can deal with it together.
BROOKE: We're not together, remember? You dodged the bullet just in time. (She walks away with the girls. Peyton comes up to Lucas)
PEYTON: Hey. Nathan told me about the fantasy kiss scenario you thought you saw. Were you high? The kiss didn't mean anything, I wouldn't do that to Haley.
LUCAS: Yeah, I guess I overreacted. (He keeps looking back towards Brooke who is walking into the gym with the girls)
PEYTON: She's gone, you know.
LUCAS: Huh?
PEYTON: Brooke.
LUCAS: What? Why do you assume I'm looking for Brooke?
PEYTON: Because you are. She still freezing you out?
LUCAS: Yeah, sort of.
PEYTON: Me too. Do you want to talk about it?
LUCAS: I think I've screwed things up enough as it is.
PEYTON: Yeah, me too.
LUCAS: And worse than that.
PEYTON: What? Worse than the death wish best friend love triangle? What'd you do? Tell her she was fat? (He shakes his head) Okay look she's pissed at me too but she's still my friend. What's going on?
LUCAS: What were we thinking, Peyton?
PEYTON: You and me, or you and Brooke?
LUCAS: All of us.
PEYTON: I guess we weren't. (He walks away)
[Peyton's Room]
(Peyton is drawing and Haley is on the bed next to her painting her toe nails)
PEYTON: I like that. What color is it?
HALEY: Shag. Did Nathan ever cheat on you?
PEYTON: Where'd that come from?
HALEY: I just wonder if, maybe he's going to start looking somewhere else for what he's not getting from me.
PEYTON: Hm, the big bad s*x issue. (Haley tosses her the polish)
HALEY: Yeah. (Peyton walks over to her black wall) I mean, we start making out, and it's great, and I totally get into him, and then I just hit this point.
PEYTON: I bet he loves that.
HALEY: Yeah. I guess I just always thought I would wait until I fell in love, and got married, and then I met Nathan and everything got really confusing. It was never something I had to deal with right away, it was always a few years off. And then all of a sudden...
PEYTON: It wasn't? I've been down that road.
HALEY: I don't know if I'm ready, Peyton.
PEYTON: Or maybe you're just not sure if Nathan's the right guy.
HALEY: No, I'm, I can safely rule that out. He, I can't breath when I'm around him and when I'm not around him I want to be. I'm just, I'm totally in love with him. (Peyton has written "HJ + NS" on the wall with a heart around it)
PEYTON: Well then you've gone further with him than I ever did.
[Weight Room]
(Lucas is doing leg presses. Dan comes in)
DAN: Be careful with those knees. Trust me, I know. I also know what it's like to be sidelined with an injury. I wouldn't wish it on anyone who's serious about their game. How's the shoulder?
LUCAS: Fine.
DAN: Good. You know I saw you at the clinic the other day with that girl. I don't have to tell you, you're turning into my area of expertise. You know, Lucas, one day I woke up and I was looking down the barrel of a life I couldn't control. Maybe you find yourself in the same situation. I just thought you could use some advice. I can see that you're scared. But don't let that fear cloud your vision. You know I asked your mom to get an abortion. She said no. She was too emotional. If she was thinking clearly, she would have done what I said.
LUCAS: So your advice is to have an abortion. The way you would have aborted me.
DAN: You've got a lot of life yet to live, Lucas. Don't let this girl make the same mistake your mother made. Cause if you do, you'll be paying for it until the day you die. (he leaves)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Deb's House]
(She and Keith are sitting at the kitchen counter)
DEB: I'm glad you came by, Keith. I've been so caught up in my own problems, we haven't had a chance to catch up.
KEITH: Well you might as well hear it here. I asked Karen to marry me.
DEB: What?
KEITH: Mm hm. She said no.
DEB: Oh, Keith I'm so sorry.
KEITH: You know, you never picture it. You run it through your mind a thousand times over fifteen years. You know how the moment will feel when your love agrees to be your wife. But you never see her saying no.
DEB: Well, you're still an important part of her life. That won't change. She needs you.
KEITH: Well maybe she needs me. But she doesn't want me.
DEB: I'm sorry. What did Lucas say?
KEITH: I don't even know if she's told him yet.
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Someone knocks on the door.)
NATHAN: Dad.
DAN: Ohh. (he looks around at his messy apartment) Looks like I missed the party.
NATHAN: You weren't invited. You should have called.
DAN: Why? You don't call back. I had to run a credit check to get your address. Your mother wouldn't give it to me. (Nathan tries to shut the door but he stops him) Hey. You think you're ready for this? I've got news for you, son. Playing house costs a lot of money.
NATHAN: Okay, so I'll get a job.
DAN: Oh great, what's that going to do to your game? It's okay to be irrational every once and a while. But have you thought this thing through? I give you a week out in the real world.
NATHAN: You know what the best part about having my own place is, dad? I can ask you to leave.
DAN: Fine. But the beach house will be there for you when you hit rock bottom. And you will. (he leaves)
[Outside School]
(Peyton is sitting alone with her cell phone and Nikki sits next to her)
NIKKI: Who are you calling? Jake, maybe? Look, I know you baby-sit Jenny but, I'm back now, so Jake and I won't be needing you anymore. Oh, and if there's anything going on between you and Jake, well you're not going to be a permanent part of my daughter's life, so if I were you I wouldn't get too attached.
PEYTON: If I were you, I would walk away.
NIKKI: You have to know you're temporary, right? I mean, all the babysitting in the world isn't going to make you Jenny's mother.
PEYTON: All the eyeliner in the world wont make you anything other than a psycho stalker @#%$. (She gets up and starts walking towards Brooke)
BROOKE: Friend of yours?
PEYTON: It's Jake's ex. All of a sudden she's trying to deal with her issues and I think I'm one of them.
BROOKE: Scary.
PEYTON: So you're talking to me?
BROOKE: Yeah. There's some stuff going on and I don't know what to do. I screwed up, I can't even say it.
PEYTON: Is it about Lucas? Cause he was really upset yesterday.
BROOKE: I thought you and Lucas weren't together.
PEYTON: No, we're not. We were just, um -
BROOKE: You know what, for get it, Peyton. You are the last person I should be talking to. (She walks away)
[Jake's House]
JAKE: Damn.
LUCAS: Yeah I didn't want to tell anybody but-
JAKE: Hey I didn't want to tell anybody either but I felt a lot better after I did. What does Brooke want to do? (Lucas looks at Jenny)
LUCAS: I don't know. She won't talk to me.
JAKE: What do you want her to do?
LUCAS: How do I answer that? I'm just walking around like a zombie right now. I guess I want whatever's best for her.
JAKE: Does she think she's going to have it? You know, Nikki and I, we talked about not keeping the baby.
LUCAS: Yeah, so did Dan and my mom. But how screwed up is that, huh? If she had listened to him I wouldn't be standing here right now.
JAKE: Well, Luke, I don't want to lie to you. If Brooke has this kid, you're life, it's going to change. Where's your head at?
LUCAS: My head says we're not ready to be parents yet. I can't even take care of myself. Plus there's college. Not just for me but for Brooke, too. God, my mom is going to freak out.
[Nathan's Apartment]
(Nathan is filling out a For Sale sign for his Mustang. Haley comes in behind him)
HALEY: Hey.
NATHAN: Hey. (She sees the sign)
HALEY: Are you kidding?
NATHAN: I've got to sell the car to pay for the apartment.
HALEY: What is your dad going to say?
NATHAN: He can say whatever he wants, it's still my car.
HALEY: You know, if you need some extra money I could always be your sugar mama. (She kisses his neck and he doesn't respond) What's wrong?
NATHAN: Nothing, it's just I'm, you said you weren't ready so I'm trying to respect that.
HALEY: So we can't even kiss now?
NATHAN: No, I'm just trying to make you comfortable.
HALEY: I'm sorry, Nathan, I know this is so not fair to you.
NATHAN: No. Actually it's not fair to you.
HALEY: I just -
NATHAN: Just, don't apologize, okay? (he gets up and leaves)
[Brooke's room]
(She is lying in bed at night looking at the ceiling)
[Lucas' Room]
(He is awake in bed, too. He looks at the clock. It's almost 4 am.)
[Kitchen]
(Karen is getting a drink and Lucas comes into the room)
LUCAS: Mom?
KAREN: Hey. Did I wake you?
LUCAS: No.
KAREN: Sometimes I can't sleep. I just lie awake and worry.
LUCAS: What are you worried about?
KAREN: I'm a mother, Lucas. I worry about everything. What are you doing up?
LUCAS: There's something I have to tell you. You should sit.
KAREN: Okay. I think I'll stand.
LUCAS: This is going to hurt you, mom. And I'm sorry.
KAREN: What happened?
LUCAS: Brooke's pregnant. (She slaps him)
KAREN: Oh my God, Lucas, I'm sorry.
LUCAS: I guess I deserved that. (he walks towards his room)
KAREN: Lucas. (They go into his room. They are both crying) Look, I didn't mean it Lucas.
LUCAS: I'm pretty sure you did.
KAREN: No, I didn't! It's just that, do you understand? This is exactly what I didn't want for you. Have I been talking to my self the last few years? You have so much left to do in life. So does Brooke. (She hugs him) Oh God you're both just too young for this.
LUCAS: Don't cry, mom.
KAREN: It's just that I'm scared for you. I cannot believe that this is happening. (They sit on the bed)
LUCAS: How close was I to not existing? Dan wanted to have an abortion, mom. Why didn't you listen to him?
KAREN: Because I realized that I wanted you in my future. What does Brooke want?
LUCAS: I don't know.
KAREN: Oh she must be so scared. (She hugs him) Lucas.
LUCAS: What are we going to do?
[Karen's Café]
(Haley serves Lucas a plate of food)
HALEY: Alright, hot off the grill, my friend. I super sized it.
LUCAS: Not hungry.
HALEY: Alright, more for me. So, uh, I've got to ask you kind of a personal question. Just out of curiosity. How many times per minute do guys think about s*x?
LUCAS: Per minute?
HALEY: Yeah, Elle magazine said that guys think about s*x like every, 30 seconds.
LUCAS: You're thinking about having s*x with him.
HALEY: Shh.
LUCAS: Sorry.
HALEY: Look, it just keeps coming up. And - (He looks at her weird) Sorry. Wrong words.
LUCAS: Look, it's not my place to tell you how to live your life, Hales. But for what it's worth, I wish I would have waited.
HALEY: Really?
LUCAS: All I'm saying, is just look past the moment. If you're not ready, then just wait. Okay?
[Deb's House]
(Nathan is sitting in the living room going through a folder)
DEB: I didn't hear you come in.
NATHAN: I didn't make any noise.
DEB: Your father stopped by, he wanted you address but I wouldn't give it to him.
NATHAN: He found me anyway.
DEB: Sorry. Nathan, you can come home anytime, you know that right? I'm still here.
NATHAN: I don't want to come home.
DEB: You know, I walk around this empty house and it doesn't seem real. I wish I could go back and do things differently.
NATHAN: I need to ask you a question.
DEB: Okay.
NATHAN: Why'd you do it?
DEB: What?
NATHAN: Cheat on dad.
DEB: I was confused. We were married so young and suddenly I was a wife and a mother before I was my own person. But when we grew up, we grew apart.
NATHAN: Why, mom? Why did you guys grow apart?
DEB: I wish I knew, Nathan. But none of that makes what I did right.
NATHAN: Cause you were married?
DEB: Because I had a commitment to him. And to you. Those moments of what I mistook for happiness weren't worth the cost of hurting someone I loved. And losing you over it now. (he walks out)
[Outside Lucas' House]
(Nikki is waiting for him on his porch)
LUCAS: Nikki?
NIKKI: Hey, stranger.
LUCAS: How'd you find me?
NIKKI: I found out you were on Jake's basketball team, after that it didn't take a private eye.
LUCAS: Oh, you know Jake?
NIKKI: Pretty well, actually. Jenny's my daughter. Small world, huh?
LUCAS: Oh, look, Jake's a good friend, okay? I had no idea.
NIKKI: And neither did I and that's why I don't want you to say anything.
LUCAS: I didn't know who you were.
NIKKI: Lucas, I'm trying to get my family back together, and it's not going so well. Remember that night? What you told me about your dad? How you feel about him? I don't want Jenny to ever say the same thing about me. I still have a chance to correct my mistake, Lucas. Please, don't say anything.
[Keith's House]
(Lucas walks in)
LUCAS: Keith?
KEITH: Hey, Luke.
LUCAS: Hey.
KEITH: I called you a couple of times. How've you been?
LUCAS: Nah, I'm good, it's just, I've been dealing with some stuff.
KEITH: Yeah, me too. It's really good to see you. How's the rehab going?
LUCAS: Oh, it's good. It's good. It should be ready for the playoffs.
KEITH: Yeah you look a lot better. Sit down. How's everything else.
LUCAS: Like what?
KEITH: Like the rest of your life. What's going on?
LUCAS: There's something I wanted to ask you.
KEITH: Sure.
LUCAS: When my mom got pregnant, and Dan left, why didn't you? Why'd you stand by her?
KEITH: Well, it was the right thing to do. And I loved her, and I wanted to protect her. But, she really didn't need it.
LUCAS: She's pretty tough, huh?
KEITH: Your mom could have been anything in this life.
LUCAS: Yeah, if it wasn't for me.
KEITH: Luke, you're the best thing that ever happened to your mom. Trust me.
LUCAS: Look, Keith, I just wanted to apologize. For the way I acted when my mom was in Italy. Brooke and all.
KEITH: That's water under the bridge. No damage done, right?
LUCAS: Right. I should take off.
KEITH: Yeah. Uh, Luke. You know I'm proud of you, right?
LUCAS: Sure.
KEITH: And I'll always be there for you. You know, even if I'm not around as much.
LUCAS: Yeah, I know. Is everything okay?
KEITH: Yeah, everything's good.
LUCAS: Okay.
KEITH: Alright, I'll see you.
LUCAS: See ya. (he leaves)
[Outside]
(Haley and Nathan are sitting on a bench)
HALEY: Nathan, I know I'm driving you crazy.
NATHAN: No you're not.
HALEY: Do you think that I'm a tease?
NATHAN: Stop it.
HALEY: Well what do you think?
NATHAN: I think that you're my girlfriend, and I like to spend time with you. Look I just don't want to push you.
HALEY: You're not.
NATHAN: But I am. Haley, you got a tattoo for god sakes. It just freaks me out a little bit, because obviously this whole thing with us means a lot to you. I just don't want to do anything to pressure you. Or drive you away. Even though sometimes I can't help it. Just like I can't help that I fell in love with you. Cause I did. I love you, Haley. And it scares me, a little bit, but, there it is.
HALEY: Wow. There it is. (She kisses him) I love you too. (They continue to kiss)
[Dan Scott Motors]
(Lucas comes into Dan's office)
DAN: Something I can help you with?
LUCAS: Not really. I just wanted to thank you for filling in some of the blanks for me about how you felt when my mom got pregnant.
DAN: Glad to be of help. How's that situation with Brooke?
LUCAS: None of your business.
DAN: No? Isn't that why you really came here?
LUCAS: You know, before this happened to me, I never quite understood how you could be so selfish. Everyday of my life I wondered. Until now.
DAN: Now you see the other side.
LUCAS: Yeah I guess I do.
DAN: Don't be so quick to judge me, Lucas. It's easy to have all the answers from a distance. But everybody makes decisions they regret. Me. Your mother. Keith. But we learn to live with it. It's part of life.
LUCAS: Not my life. Not yet.
DAN: Yeah. Yeah, I felt that once. Then I grew up. (Lucas leaves)
[Karen's Café]
KAREN: I was hoping you'd come by soon. We obviously need to talk.
KEITH: I'm going to make a change, Karen.
KAREN: What do you mean?
KEITH: Well, I woke up this morning and everything just felt far away. And then I went outside and for the first time, Tree Hill didn't feel like home. And I just thought, why am I still here? You know? I never planned on spending my whole life here, and I just needed someone to remind me. And you did that. And it's okay.
KAREN: Are you leaving?
KEITH: There's not time like the present, right?
KAREN: Keith, this isn't because of me.
KEITH: No, it's because of me. You did me a favor, Karen. By going to Italy, and by saying no to me. You woke me up. And I appreciate that.
KAREN: Where are you going to go?
KEITH: I don't know. But I got to say. It feels really good to have options. (He gets up touches Karen's shoulder on his way out)
[Brooke's Room]
(She is on her bed watching TV. Lucas comes in)
BROOKE: What part of stay away from me do you not understand?
LUCAS: Just give me 60 seconds, okay?
BROOKE: I'm sorry but argument cutoff was 9 o'clock.
LUCAS: Well, I don't want to argue. You don't even have to say anything. Just listen. My dad didn't want me, okay? Not just that he didn't want to claim me, he didn't want me to be born, I always thought that when I started a family I'd be, older, and settled, and I'd be -
BROOKE: In love?
LUCAS: Yeah. But so did my mom.
BROOKE: Lucas-
LUCAS: No, this whole thing scares the hell out of me, okay? But whatever you decide to do, I'll be there. And if you're not ready, then you're not ready, but if you want to have this baby, then so do I. And whatever it takes for me to be a good father, I'll be there. Always. I promise you. I won't let you down. (She starts crying) Hey.
BROOKE: I lied.
LUCAS: What?
BROOKE: I'm not pregnant.
LUCAS: But I saw the test.
BROOKE: I know. Then when the doctor called he said I wasn't pregnant, he said that can happen.
LUCAS: Okay, no, no, no. I was standing right there when he called.
BROOKE: And you had just called me a slut.
LUCAS: So you lied to me to punish me?! How could you do that?
BROOKE: How could you cheat on me with my best friend?!
LUCAS: Brooke. I never meant to hurt you.
BROOKE: That doesn't really matter, Lucas. Cause in the end it all hurts just the same.
[Dan's office]
(He opens a box with a birthday card from Nathan. He finds an envelope with a lot of old pictures and newspaper cutouts of Lucas growing up.)
[Jake's House]
(Peyton is holding Jenny on the couch and Jake is sleeping next to her. Nikki is standing outside the window watching them.)
[Pawn Shop]
(Keith stands outside and looks at the ring then goes inside)
[Brooke's Room]
(She is on her bed crying)
[Lucas' Kitchen]
(He is sitting at the table with his head in his hands. Karen comes in)
LUCAS: Brooke's not pregnant. (She looks relieved) It was just a scare.
KAREN: Are you okay?
LUCAS: Not really. (he hugs her) Mom, thanks.
KAREN: For what?
LUCAS: Everything. | Plan: A: History; Q: What is repeating itself? A: Brooke; Q: Who is pregnant? A: years ago; Q: When did Dan face the same situation as Lucas? A: Karen; Q: Who turns down Keith's proposal? A: Nicki; Q: Who tries to force her way into Jake's life? A: Radiohead; Q: What band is the episode named after? Summary: Is History repeating itself? Brooke is pregnant, and Lucas finds himself in the same situation Dan faced years ago. Karen turns down Keith's proposal and Nicki tries to force her way into Jake's life. This episode is named after a song by Radiohead. |
The Massacre (of St. Bartholomew's Eve) by John Lucarotti first broadcast - 12th February, 1966
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. DE COLIGNY'S RESIDENCE
(It is the next morning. GASTON has joined NICHOLAS at the ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY'S house.)
GASTON: (Exasperated.) I tell you, Nicholas, he refuses to take any precautions. Our noble lord, Henri of Navarre, will not believe that the Catholics are plotting to kill him!
NICHOLAS: That so surprising? He is married to the King's sister! He must put on a show of trust in the Cath...
GASTON: (Interrupting.) Trust in them! You know how far we can do that! You told him what that girl overheard?
NICHOLAS: Yes!
GASTON: What did he say?
NICHOLAS: He refuses to pay any attention to a servant girl's story.
GASTON: But we must convince them! Nicholas, you are the man's secretary. Now speak to de Coligny again, now tell him...
NICHOLAS: (Interrupting.) I've done what I can! No... I must wait until we find out something more... or for the Catholics to make a move...
GASTON: Their move is likely to be a knife in Navarre's back.
(GASTON paces then suddenly thinks of something...)
GASTON: What happened to that Englishman, Steven?
NICHOLAS: He's gone back to the tavern to find his friend.
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: EXT. TAVERN
(STEVEN pounds on the tavern door. There is no answer. STEVEN goes to question an old man passing by.)
STEVEN: Excuse me, I wonder if...
(The door to the tavern is suddenly opened. STEVEN goes inside...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. TAVERN
STEVEN: Landlord, has anyone asked for me?
LANDLORD: What, sir? Oh, it's you, monsieur.
STEVEN: The friend I was waiting for last night...
LANDLORD: Not today.
STEVEN: Didn't he return last night and leave a message?
LANDLORD: I haven't seen your friend since you left with him at the curfew last night!
STEVEN: Not that friend, I'm looking for the old man, the was...the one who was here with me yesterday morning. Well, he should have met me here last night. Look, he was wearing a large travelling cloak and carrying a silver-topped cane.
LANDLORD: No one has been here. We're closed.
STEVEN: Not last night or this morning?
LANDLORD: No! I've got work to do! If you need help go and ask it from your Huguenot friends!
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. DE COLIGNY'S RESIDENCE
NICHOLAS: For goodness sake, Gaston. It's quite likely we drew the wrong conclusions.
GASTON: Look, the girl overheard the men talking about Vase, and it would happen again before the week was out!
NICHOLAS: No she didn't! She heard them mention the name Vase. And then, just before she ran away, she heard them say it would happen before the week was out.
GASTON: Well what's the difference?
NICHOLAS: It's quite likely the name Vase had nothing to do with the massacre there. And the it was referring to something else entirely.
GASTON: Look, Nicholas, you can't...
(There is a knock at the door and the SERVANT shows in STEVEN.)
STEVEN: Nicholas, I'm sorry to have to bother you again...
NICHOLAS: Don't worry. (To the SERVANT.) Antoine, bring another glass.
SERVANT: Yes, monsieur.
NICHOLAS: You, er, didn't find your friend?
STEVEN: Well, no, I even went to the TARD... the place where we were to leave from. There wasn't any sign of him.
GASTON: Well if he's fallen foul of the Catholics who roam about the streets, heaven help him.
NICHOLAS: Many of our followers are just as bad.
GASTON: Nonsense!
NICHOLAS: Pay no attention to Gaston. Now what can I do to help you?
STEVEN: Well, my friend went to the Port St. Martin as you know. I must try to find him there, but I'm afraid I can't remember your directions.
NICHOLAS: I'll come with you.
STEVEN: Thanks.
(They are about to leave but GASTON has been looking out of the window and he calls them back.)
GASTON: Before you go, I think you have a visitor!
NICHOLAS: Who?
GASTON: Roger Colbert! Recently appointed temporal secretary to the Abbot of Amboise during his stay in Paris. I'll wager he's come to fetch the girl.
(Very amused, he laughs. A second later, the door is opened and ROGER is shown in.)
GASTON: An unexpected visit, monsieur Colbert!
(ROGER ignores him and walks over to NICHOLAS.)
ROGER: Nicholas Muss?
NICHOLAS: Yes?
ROGER: Forgive me for calling on you like this but I believe that yesterday you were put to some inconvenience by a servant from the household of the Abbot of Amboise.
NICHOLAS: Inconvenience?
ROGER: I understand she overheard someone say something and was frightened by it. She ran away and I hear that you kindly gave her refuge in the Admiral's kitchens.
GASTON: And what could the Abbot say that would frighten a servant so?
ROGER: The Abbot was not then in residence. She heard someone speak of Vase and I believe that she was there when that unfortunate business took place. She was frightened, I suspect, by her own memory, rather than by anything she heard.
GASTON: And do they discuss the slaughter at Vase so glibly?
ROGER: People can talk of the town without referring to that.
(ANNE enters the room with some wine. GASTON quickly shoos her out.)
ROGER: Surely, that is the very girl!
GASTON: That girl?
ROGER: Yes, her name is Anne Chaplet. Allow me take her with me.
GASTON: Oh, no, no, no, no, no! You must be mistaken, that girl is called, erm, Genevieve. And she's been working here ever since the Admiral came to Paris.
ROGER: (Unconvinced.) I see. Forgive me for troubling you.
(ROGER leaves as GASTON laughs.)
STEVEN: That is the same man who followed my friend from the tavern.
NICHOLAS: You're sure?
STEVEN: Positive.
NICHOLAS: But what could the Abbot of Amboise want with your friend?
GASTON: (Looking out of the window again.) Well, well, well, the Abbot has come himself, and all for the sake of a servant.
(STEVEN and NICHOLAS join GASTON at the window. ROGER is outside reporting to the ABBOT. He turns round and STEVEN is amazed to see that it is the DOCTOR.)
STEVEN: (Shocked.) But...but that's the Doctor! That's the Doctor talking to Roger Colbert! I must go to him. Thank you for all your help.
(He goes to leave the room and join the DOCTOR. GASTON calls him back.)
GASTON: One moment!
STEVEN: Yes?
GASTON: You say that man is your friend?
STEVEN: Yes!
GASTON: And how long have you been working for the Abbot of Amboise?
STEVEN: (Amazed.) What?
NICHOLAS: (Quietly furious.) The man talking to Colbert is the Abbot of Amboise. In what capacity do you serve him?
STEVEN: What are you talking about? Well that man's the Doc...
(He looks out of the window again, but the street outside is now empty.)
STEVEN: He's gone...at least... it looked like the Doctor!
GASTON: (Angry.) If you're certain, the certainty is that I don't like Catholic spies!
STEVEN: I'm no spy. Listen to me. I thought that man was the Doctor. If you say it was the Abbot of Amboise, then I must be mistaken.
NICHOLAS: (Somewhat sarcastically.) Perhaps...
STEVEN: Look Nicholas! I can prove that the Doctor looks like the Abbot. Show me the way to the Port St. Martin, we'll go to the shop of Preslin the apothecary, you'll meet the Doctor!
GASTON: (To NICHOLAS.) And walk straight into a Catholic trap!
STEVEN: (Angry.) It's no trap! Nicholas, if I were a spy would I be such a fool as to betray myself like this?
(GASTON starts to shout but NICHOLAS quickly interrupts him.)
NICHOLAS: I think he may be telling the truth. I'll come with you.
GASTON: Yeh, so will I.
NICHOLAS: No, stay here. If I don't come back, go to the Admiral.
GASTON: Look, you're mad, listen...
NICHOLAS: We have to find out! (To STEVEN.) Come, monsieur and for your sake, I hope we find your friend.
(They walk out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. LOUVRE
(SIMON Duvall is reporting on the situation to TAVANNES, the Marshal of France.)
MARSHAL TAVANNES: You say the Abbot went to the house himself?
SIMON: Yes, Marshal, he felt it was imperative to get the girl back.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: The Abbot's a fool. The girl's not important. She must have told the Huguenots all that she knows. All that she overheard. If they'd made anything of it they'd have acted by now. All he's done is to arouse further suspicion.
SIMON: He's an astute man in some ways. After all, without him, we wouldn't have got the help of monsieur Bondot.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: Bondot has yet to prove himself. Other assassins might do as well.
SIMON: His Eminence the Cardinal trusts the Abbot.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: Yes, I'm not sure that I do. There's something odd about all this. Watch him closely, Simon, make a note of everything he says or does, and report it to me.
SIMON: Yes, Marshal. There is another matter. Nicholas Muss is playing host to a young Englishman.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: At de Coligny's house? Who is he?
SIMON: I don't know.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: (Thinks.) Mmm. Perhaps our fine Admiral is making secret overtures to the English?
SIMON: It seems that he's a stranger to France.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: All the more reason why Elizabeth of England should send him. Find out more about this Englishman. Go now, and stay close to the Abbot...
(ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY enters the room, unnoticed.)
MARSHAL TAVANNES: ...and, Simon, tell him I shall bring word later concerning the 'Sea Beggar'.
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: Interested in the Dutch at last, Marshal Tavannes?
MARSHAL TAVANNES: Ah, Admiral De Coligny! I didn't hear you come in.
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: I hope you are looking into the plight of the unfortunate Dutch...
(SIMON leaves the room.)
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: ...the 'sea beggars' as you call them. Their fight with Spain is a just one.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: So you frequently tell us in council.
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: Your only quarrel with the Dutch is that they're Protestant and not Catholic.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: That could also be the reason why you support them. But rest assured, Admiral, we are examining their claim for France's aid.
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: That is something I suppose.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: Tell me, have you any news from that other ally of yours, England?
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: No. Why should I?
MARSHAL TAVANNES: Strange. I'd heard that you have an Englishman staying with you.
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: There was a lost stranger who lodged at my house last night. I believe he was English.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: And he brought you no word?
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: You are an extraordinary man, Tavannes. You see shadows where there is no sun.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: Perhaps. Forgive me. I have an audience with the Queen Mother.
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: Don't let me detain you.
(MARSHAL TAVANNES leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: EXT. STREET IN PORT ST. MARTIN
(NICHOLAS and STEVEN are searching for PRESLIN'S shop without success so far.)
NICHOLAS: We've been up and down every street in the Port St. Martin.
STEVEN: Preslin's shop must be around here somewhere. (He sees the shop.) Look!
(He rushes over to the door, bumping into an OLD LADY in the process.)
STEVEN: Sorry!
OLD LADY: Rushing about, knocking folk down, you young gentlemen...
(STEVEN starts pounding on the door.)
NICHOLAS: Sorry, my friend's looking for someone.
OLD LADY: Well that's no reason to go pushing me over. (To STEVEN.) And you can stop making all that noise. You're disturbing the whole neighbourhood. Nobody lives there.
STEVEN: What?!
NICHOLAS: Monsieur Preslin doesn't use his shop?
OLD LADY: Does it look like it? Nothing lives there except the rats.
STEVEN: Where is Preslin now?
NICHOLAS: How long since he's lived here?
OLD LADY: Oh, a long time. Two years about. He was arrested for heresy.
STEVEN: What do you mean?...You mean he's in prison?
OLD LADY: Burnt I expect. And if he isn't, he should be.
(She walks away.)
NICHOLAS: Your story is thinner than before. You say the Doctor is...is with Preslin, who by all accounts is dead.
STEVEN: She only said he might be.
NICHOLAS: And what about the Doctor?
STEVEN: I don't know.
NICHOLAS: (With menace.) I think I do. Your friend is the Abbot of Amboise.
STEVEN: No. (Almost to himself.) At least, I don't see how it can be... unless?
NICHOLAS: What?
STEVEN: It is just possible that the Doctor is pretending to be the Abbot.
NICHOLAS: For what reason?
STEVEN: Wait until I find him.
NICHOLAS: So that you can get further instructions?
STEVEN: Nicholas! Please believe me! I know nothing about Vase or the Catholics or half of what you talk about. If the Doctor is pretending to be the Abbot then it's for a very good reason. Please let me go to him. Shall I find out there is a plot of some kind I'll come back and tell you.
NICHOLAS: No. You will come back with me now. There are others who shall decide before I do.
(With no other choice, STEVEN goes with him. However, he waits for his chance, then trips NICHOLAS and pushes him into a passerby. He escapes, racing away through the streets.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: INT. ABBOT'S RESIDENCE
SIMON: Where is the Abbot? He knew I might bring word. I've been waiting here for over half an hour.
ROGER: He may be with Monivere.
SIMON: Will you never learn? Call the assassin Bondot. If the 'Sea Beggar' should find out Monivere is in Paris he'd be put on his guard at once. Why do you think we've chosen code names so very carefully?
ROGER: I'm sorry.
SIMON: You've already been responsible for one mistake. There must be no more.
ROGER: I parted with the Abbot at De Coligny's house. He did not tell me where he was going.
SIMON: Oh, very well. Tell me what you know about the Abbot.
ROGER: He's been specially appointed by the Cardinal.
SIMON: I don't mean that. How long have you known him?
ROGER: I only met him yesterday. But he's worked for His Eminence the Cardinal of Lorraine for many years and has done him many services.
SIMON: You saw him for the first time yesterday?
ROGER: No. I met him for the first time. I saw him once at an encyclical meeting held by the Cardinal.
SIMON: And that was the only time you'd seen him?
ROGER: Yes.
SIMON: Tell me, when you saw Nicholas Muss this morning, who else was there?
ROGER: The Vicomte De Leran, and the girl is certainly there, because I saw her.
SIMON: She's of no importance now. No one else was with them?
ROGER: A third man but I didn't know him.
SIMON: Was he English?
ROGER: I don't know. He didn't speak.
SIMON: I want you to find out about him. If he is English, find out who he is and what his business is in France.
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. DE COLIGNY'S RESIDENCE
(GASTON is questioning ANNE.)
ANNE: Like I said, monsieur, I never seen him before in my life. I just ran into him when the Abbot's guards were after me and I thought he was one of them.
GASTON: Why?
ANNE: Well, because I was frightened and when he held out his arms, as if to stop me, and I thought he was one of them, but he isn't.
GASTON: How do you know?
ANNE: Because he's kind, monsieur, and gentle.
(NICHOLAS enters.)
GASTON: (Exuberant.) Nicholas, you're back! How was the Port St. Martin?
NICHOLAS: Ah, Gaston, now listen...
GASTON: Now there's a welcome. I've got good news. Henri of Navarre has decided to increase his guard.
NICHOLAS: And I have bad news. Steven's escaped. He must've been sent here by the Catholics.
ANNE: That's not true!
GASTON: (Amused.) What's that?
ANNE: Forgive me, monsieur, but... well I'm sure he's a stranger here. He knows nothing about anything or... or what's going on in Paris. Why, he don't even know about the royal wedding.
GASTON: (Quietly.) Get out of here.
ANNE: But, monsieur...
GASTON: (Wearily.) Get out!
(ANNE leaves.)
GASTON: You're too kind to these nothings. Now, tell me what's been happening.
NICHOLAS: (Embarrassed.) He didn't find the man who was supposed to look like the Abbot. (Trying to justify himself.) I was bringing Steven back here when he got away.
GASTON: How?
NICHOLAS: We were on our way back when... he suddenly tricked me and pushed me into a passer-by. I was taken by surprise. I went after him but it was hopeless.
GASTON: I knew I should have come with you. Still, we know where to find him.
NICHOLAS: Yes...with the Abbot of Amboise.
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: EXT. ABBOT'S RESIDENCE
(By early evening, STEVEN has made his way to the ABBOT'S house. Lurking in the shadows, he approaches the house. Two guards pass by and STEVEN hides. After they have gone, STEVEN spots a light behind an opened window. He climbs up to the window and looks in.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. ABBOT'S RESIDENCE
(STEVEN sees MARSHAL TAVANNES and SIMON talking. They are with ROGER.)
MARSHAL TAVANNES: So my Lord abbot is not here and you don't know where he is to be found?
SIMON: I'm afraid not, Marshal.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: After my instructions to you earlier today I would have hoped that I could put more faith in you.
SIMON: I'm sorry but we did look everywhere.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: There's a draught in here. Close those shutters.
(ROGER closes the shutters. STEVEN ducks back to avoid detection, but can still hear the conversation.)
MARSHAL TAVANNES: Between you, you will find the Abbot and you will give him this message for me. Say the decision has been made.
SIMON: You mean...
MARSHAL TAVANNES: You interrupt me, Simon. Tell him the 'Sea Beggar' dies tomorrow.
SIMON: Tomorrow? Where?
MARSHAL TAVANNES: He will attend an early council meeting at the Louvre. On his return, Bondot will be waiting for him. (He takes a drink from a cup he is holding.)
SIMON: Do you wish that the Abbot instructs Bondot?
MARSHAL TAVANNES: No. Bondot already has his orders. You may tell the Abbot that also - when you find him. (With some contempt.) Is that clear?
SIMON: Yes, Marshal.
MARSHAL TAVANNES: Good.
(TAVANNES leaves the room. SIMON is both aghast and relieved.)
SIMON: So, the royal command has been given.
ROGER: What do you mean?
SIMON: That order didn't come from Marshal Tavannes. It came from the Queen Mother.
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: EXT. ABBOT'S RESIDENCE
(STEVEN jumps down from the window and runs off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. DE COLIGNY'S RESIDENCE
(STEVEN has made his way from the ABBOT'S residence. He is shown in by the SERVANT.)
SERVANT: He won't be long, monsieur. If you'll wait in here.
STEVEN: Thanks.
(He leaves the room. STEVEN looks around the room. His is glancing at some papers on NICHOLAS'S desk when GASTON enters the room.)
GASTON: Nicholas, there's... (Sees STEVEN.) What are you doing?
STEVEN: Where is Nicholas? I have some important news.
GASTON: I'm sure you have. And I've got some for you too. (Shouts.) Get out of here!
STEVEN: Look, you don't understand...
GASTON: (Angry.) What papers are you looking for, spy! Some more information for your Abbot?
STEVEN: (Shouts.) Listen to me!
GASTON: (Angry.) I'd rather listen to a pack of screaming devils!
STEVEN: Gaston, there is a...
(GASTON withdraws his sword. STEVEN pulls out his own sword to defend himself and parries GASTON'S lunge. GASTON continues to advance and manages to disarm STEVEN with ease.)
GASTON: (Quietly, with contempt.) Get out of here.
STEVEN: Gaston...
GASTON: (Shouts.) Get out!
(NICHOLAS enters as STEVEN leaves the room. He has heard the commotion.)
NICHOLAS: Gaston, what are you doing?
GASTON: Oh, you're having a very bad effect on me, my friend. I just spared that wretch's life.
NICHOLAS: What are you talking about?
GASTON: That... Englishman!
NICHOLAS: Steven?
GASTON: Yes, I caught him here!
NICHOLAS: What did he say?
GASTON: Say? Nothing.
NICHOLAS: Why did he come back?
GASTON: He was spying! I caught him going through your papers.
NICHOLAS: He must have had a message otherwise he'd never have come back.
GASTON: (Shouts.) I tell you he was going through your papers!
NICHOLAS: Where did he go?
GASTON: How should I know? Probably back to that animal from Amboise.
NICHOLAS: Steven said he'd come back here if he found out something important. Did he say anything?
GASTON: Nothing! Well don't tell me that you still trust him!
NICHOLAS: (With some contempt.) For pity's sake go back to the Louvre. Go back and protect your Lord of Navarre. It's almost time for the curfew.
(GASTON stalks out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: EXT. STREET
(STEVEN is alone on the darkening streets, not sure of what to do or where to go. After a while, he realises he is being followed as the Tocsin bell starts to ring out for curfew. Stopping in the shadows, he reaches out and manages to capture his pursuer. It is ANNE who screams as STEVEN surprises her.)
STEVEN: Anne! What are you doing following?
ANNE: I'm sorry, monsieur, I didn't mean any harm.
STEVEN: What are you doing here? The curfew's ringing. Go back to the house.
ANNE: No. I can't go back there now. They'll... they'll know where to find me. I want to come with you.
STEVEN: But you can't, I mean, why?
ANNE: You were kind to me. You were the first one that ever was. Please, don't send me back there.
STEVEN: I can't take you with me. I've nowhere to go myself.
ANNE: Well, I know Paris, I'll help you find somewhere.
STEVEN: Well I... (Thinks.) Yes. Anne, do you know who the 'Sea Beggar' is?
ANNE: What?
STEVEN: Who is the 'Sea Beggar'?
ANNE: I don't know, monsieur. Why?
STEVEN: He's going to be killed tomorrow. All right then, if you insist on coming with me do you know where we can spend the night?
ANNE: We can't go to my aunt's. They'll be looking for me there. There must be lots of places in Paris where no one would think of finding me.
STEVEN: Yes of course, Preslin's shop. Do you know how to get to the Port St. Martin?
ANNE: Of course.
STEVEN: Take me there. I've only been there once. I don't think I can find it on my own.
ANNE: I'll show you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. DE COLIGNY'S RESIDENCE
(DE COLIGNY enters his house and finds NICHOLAS working at his desk.)
NICHOLAS: Admiral!
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: You're working late.
NICHOLAS: I thought you were asleep.
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: Nonsense. I've been with the King.
NICHOLAS: You wish to give me some notes?
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: No, not tonight. I think I've persuaded him.
NICHOLAS: You've got the King to agree to war with Spain?
ADMIRAL DE COLIGNY: It's possible. If he doesn't change his mind by the morning...we are to join the Dutch. You know, Nicholas, after I'd explained the situation to him, he turned to me and he said "If we do ally ourselves with the Dutch, you, De Coligny, will go down in history as the 'Sea Beggar'." The Sea Beggar! It's a title I'd be proud of! | Plan: A: Missing episode; Q: What is the episode called that takes place in Paris in 1572? A: The TARDIS; Q: What materializes in Paris in the year 1572? A: the Doctor; Q: Who decides to visit Charles Preslin? A: the famous apothecary Charles Preslin; Q: Who does the Doctor decide to visit in Paris? A: Steven; Q: Who is befriended by a group of Huguenots? A: the Protestant Admiral de Coligny; Q: Whose household does Steven befriend? A: a young serving girl; Q: What is Anne Chaplet? A: Anne Chaplet; Q: Who did the Huguenots rescue from some guards? A: the Huguenots; Q: Who rescued Anne Chaplet? A: the Catholic Queen Mother; Q: Who is Catherine de Medici? Summary: Missing episode The TARDIS materialises in Paris in the year 1572 and the Doctor decides to visit the famous apothecary Charles Preslin. Steven, meanwhile, is befriended by a group of Huguenots from the household of the Protestant Admiral de Coligny. Having rescued a young serving girl, Anne Chaplet, from some pursuing guards, the Huguenots gain their first inkling of a heinous plan being hatched at the command of the Catholic Queen Mother,Catherine de Medici. |
Génération perdue
(2x05 : Suffer The Children)
Written by FREDERICK RAPPAPORT Directed by VINCENT MISIANO
**Previously on The 4400** Flashbacks to previous episodes. Diana tells Tom that Maia is still having visions. Lily turns up at her home for the first time after being abducted. Shawn warns Collier about going near Isabelle. Wendy tells Kyle that he should seek help regarding his blackouts. **Present** Shawn is racing down the stairs at the center.
Male: Shawn, we need you! Jordan is on the floor in the foyer, writhing in pain. Shawn rushes to him and holds his head in his hands.
Shawn: Jordan? He uses his power to heal him.Later they sit and talk.
Collier: You don't have to keep visual, Shawn.
Shawn: Are you going to cancel the appearance at River Front Park?
Collier: No. That would be a mistake. They're not just honouring me, they're honouring the center and all the work we've done.
Shawn: A new neurological clinic just opened in Atlanta.
Collier: Now look, look....
Shawn: Shhh!
Collier: I've been to all the specialists Shawn. There's no name for what I have.
Shawn: We can't just give up. There's gotta be a way to figure out what that baby did to you.
Collier: I know what that baby did to me. It saved my life.
Shawn: What? What are you talking about?
Collier: When I touched Lily's pregnant belly and was hit with that pain, I realised I'd been judged and found wanting.
Shawn: By a baby that wasn't even born yet?
Collier: In that moment, I was forced to see the truth about myself. About my motives towards the 4400. And they were....not pure.
Shawn: That baby tried to kill you.
Collier: And it succeeded. It killed the old Jordan Collier and I was reborn. Pure of purpose. All I've done since, everything I've built, I owe to Richard, to Lily and to that child. Richard and Lily are in a room. There's a knock at the doo.
Richard: I'll get it. He answers the door to find Heidi and her father standing there.
Richard: Hey!
Brian: Hi!
Richard: Come in! They enter the room.
Richard: Lily! Look who's here! Lily get's to her feet holding Isabelle
Brian: We would have called but Heidi wanted to surprise you.
Lily: Heidi.
Heidi: Hi Mom. She's so cute.
Brian: Now that you guys are living on the block, I figured it was time for Heidi to meet her real mom. Heidi turns to Richard.
Heidi: And that makes you my second Dad. Richard laughs.
Richard: I guess so. Sounds of Lily crying can be heard, although Lily is not crying in the scene.
Heidi: Mom, why are you crying?
Brian: Lily are you alright?
Richard and Brian: Lily? Lily wakes up from the dream. They're still in the car.
Richard: Lily. Lily. Sweetheart, wake up!
Lily: It was a dream.
Richard: More like a nightmare.
Lily: Oh no. We were living next door to Heidi and Brian. We were all getting along and the house, Richard, it was so pretty.
Richard: Well why were you crying?
Lily: Guess I knew it wasn't real. How long can we keep going before someone catches up to us?
Richard: We just gotta keep moving. Stay ahead of Collier and NTAC.
Lily: I'm just so tired of running.
Richard: We're gonna find a place to stop running. It's out there. Gotta be. Fairview, Washington A young boy is playing the violin while a girl accompanies him on the piano. Their teacher is Heather Tobey, one of the 4400 who disappeared on March 2nd 1974. She watches their performance and smiles. She then wanders through the classroom where many children are concentrating on different things. Painting, music etc. She bends down to a young girl who is painting.
Heather: You've come so far. That's so good. She walks up to another boy who is also painting.
Heather: Nice use of colour. Another boy is sitting at a table drawing a comic strip.
Heather: It's shaping up great, but I think it could use some work.
Greg: That's as good as it gets. He show's no interest and continues to read his magazine. Heather kneels beside him and looks into his eyes, whilst placing her hand on his shoulder.
Greg: Don't waste your time. The Head Teacher [Herman] walks into the room accompanied by a sheriff.
Herman: Miss Tobey? Would you come with us please?
Child: What's the sheriff doing here? They walk out into the hallway.
Heather: Herman! Herman! Sam! What's this all about.
Sam [Sheriff]: Miss Tobey, I'm placing you under arrest. The other officer places her in handcuffs while the children look on.
Heather: Arrest? For what?
Sam: Child abuse.
Heather: Oh my God! Titles Susan is at Toms house. She sits at a table while Tom walks in from the kitchen and pours her some coffee.
Tom: Look, you know the kids birth certificate say's that he's 21. But emotionally, Kyle is still a teenager. We gotta accept the fact that he's gonna screw up and be a teenager.
Susan: He'll learn from his mistakes. Get it out of his system. But Shawn....It's been a year. How could he cut us out like that?
Tom: Danny, he's eating himself up inside. He used to be such a sweet boy.
Tom: Yeah, I remember what Pop used to say. If you think you've got problems, wait till you become a parent.
Susan: Little did we know. Kyle and Danny are in Kyle's bedroom playing videogames.
Kyle: You know, I bet they're talking about us downstairs.
Danny: That's what they live for. If they didn't have us to worry about, they'd die of boredom. Seen you around campus.
Kyle: Saw you too. Why didn't you say something?
Danny: It's been like, four years. I mean, what was I supposed to say? Welcome back from coma world? I don't know, I guess seeing you reminded me of Shawn. You two were always so tight.
Kyle: And you were like our shadow. Where you going? Can I come too?
Danny: I thought you guys were so cool. I was 14, what did I know? Mom say's you talked to him?
Kyle: I don't think he heard me.
Danny: Yeah. I used to blame Shawn for everything. Stealing Nikki, running out on us the way he did. Breaking Mom's heart. But it wasn't his fault. The b*st*rd's who took him, sent him back a freak. They're the one's.
Kyle: Guess they screwed us all up. Collier is making a speech, in a park.
Collier: Well I want to thank Councilman Lowe on behalf of the 4400 center, for this wonderful offer. In funding this clean up project, I wanted to pay tribute not only to the glories of the past, but to the promise of the future. I believe that the actions we take and the choices we make, will create the kind of future that we and our children and their children, will live in. A large banner hangs above his head, saying the words 'Protect The Future'.
Collier: Thankyou. The audience applauds. Two teenagers [possibly early twenties] are taking food from the table, when they're grabbed by security guards.
Liv: Hey! Come on! Get your hands off of me! You want to break it? Stop it! Shawn walks over.
Shawn: Hey! What's the deal?
Guard: These people don't belong here.
Liv: No, you're the one's who don't belong here! This used to be our home before you scumbags decided to make everything beautiful and kicked us out!
Shawn: It's ok, you can let them go.
Guard: They were stealing food.
Shawn: Well last time I checked, the food was free. Don't make me pull rank. Come on.
Guard: Yes sir, Mr Farrell.
Shawn: Thankyou. The guard walks away.
Liv: Big shot, huh? I'm impressed.
Shawn: I'm really sorry that we trashed your home. I am.
Male: You should be. It's a hell of a lot warmer here than crashing near the Arnheim [sp] Bridge.
Liv: So this stuff's free, right?
Shawn: Yes, absolutely. Please be my guests.
Liv: Yeah, we will. Protect the future huh? Gotta have one first. Shawn walks away. Diana and Tom make their way to the car park to head off to Fairview, to meet with Heather.
Diana: Even on the map, the area seems far away.
Tom: It's four hours, tops.
Diana: This is my first time spending the night away from Maia.
Tom: Isn't your sister with her? The one with all the tattoo's? Sorry.
Diana: Those beer kegs Kyle ordered should be showing up right about now.
Tom: Have you read these charges? Teacher accused of reckless endangerment. Placing the students health, safety and welfare at risk. Could that be any more vague?
Diana: Well that could be anything from grabbing them on the arms to touching them on the privates, or maybe she did nothing.
Tom: Nothing would be my vote. A 4400 serial killer is bad enough. A 4400 child molester? Angry parents arrive at the school.
Venner: Damn right we don't want her back! Not now, not ever!
Herman: Look! I don't know what's gonna happen with Miss Tobey!
Male: She's out on bail, right?
Herman: That's right and her bond was paid by parents from this school.
Venner: If they're not worried about their kids then we'll worry for them. Ask Saller [SP], he'll tell them. His kid was abused. Same as Melinda and Kay. Tom and Diana enter.
Tom: What about your child, Mr uh...
Venner: Venner! Frank Venner. It's not like she didn't try with my boy. Greg just happened to be one of the lucky ones.
Diana: Tried what?
Venner: Now who the hell are you two?
Diana: I'm agent Skouris, this is agent Baldwin. We're with NTAC.
Male: Great! You got here just in time.
Venner: Yeah, the cops let her go. You can take her to quarantine or stick her back in jail!
Crowd: Put her away. Lock her up.
Tom: She hasn't been found guilty of anything yet.
Venner: She's a 4400 isn't she? She should never have been allowed back in this school in the first place. Tom and Diana walk down the school hallway with Herman.
Diana: According to the preliminary exams, none of the kids showed any signs of abuse.
Tom: No marks, no bruises?
Herman: No physical signs at any rate.
Diana: So what are we talking about. Some kind of mental abuse?
Herman: Personally, I'm not convinced it's abuse at all, but there's no denying that some of the students have been changed.
Tom: Changed? In what way? They get to see some of Heathers students demonstrate their individual talents. A boy plays a violin for them.
Diana: That was beautiful
Violinist: I guess.
Tom: You're telling me, two weeks ago you'd never played a violin?
Violinist: Never even touched one. Another boy sits in front of them with his paintings on display.
Artist: Hey, I only took this class cos art appreciation's supposed to be a guaranteed A. You're supposed to learn about dead painters and stuff. A girl excitedly tells them about her work.
Sculptor: It's so cool. I look at a bunch of clay and see the figure I wanna mould. I just carve away the pieces I don't need and there it is. Gregs turn. He sits there sullenly.
Greg: You should see the way she stares at you. Like she's drilling a hole. Trying to get in there, rearrange your brain. Back with the violinist.
Violinist: One minute she was touching my shoulder. The next thing I remember, she was handing me a violin. The boy with the paintings continues.
Artist: Man, I'm standing there wondering, 'What the hell am I doing with a paintbrush in my hand?' The sculptor.
Sculptor: And then I see this block of clay and it was like, 'Where have you been all my life?'
Artist: My Dad's big dream was to get me a football scholarship. It used to be my dream too, but this painting stuff, I'm really into it now.
Violinist: Miss Tobey's the best teacher I've ever had in my life.
Greg: My Dad say's, these kids may seem normal now, but in like, two years, they may develop like, brain tumours, go blind, crazy, who knows? You guys should throw her back in jail. Tom has his head in his hands.
Diana: Your Dad. He wouldn't be Frank Venner by any chance, would he?
Greg: How did you know?
Tom: Oh just, wild guess. They later visit Heather at her home and all three sit around the table talking.
Heather: Hurt my students? That's so ridiculous.
Diana: Well it's not ridiculous to these parents. People get scared when they don't recognise their kids.
Heather: But they're still the same kids. I just find what's already inside them and help bring it out.
Tom: How do you do that?
Heather: I study them. Sometimes there's a light in their eyes, like a tiny flame. And while I'm watching, it get's brighter. That's when I know there's something in them. Something beautiful.
Diana: So this light. Have you seen it in anyone else?
Heather: It doesn't seem to work with grown-ups. It doesn't work with every kid, either. Like this one boy, Greg Venner? I keep looking but so far....
Diana: I think his Father's pretty adamant that you stop looking.
Heather: Frank? I taught Frank. He was one of my first students back in '72. The fact is, I probably taught have the parents that are out to get me. This is crazy! I haven't done anything wrong! I need to get back to my kids. The people who took me....it can't be an accident they gave me t his wonderful gift. That's why they sent me back. To use it. Lily is behind the wheel of the car, waiting for Richard who has gone into a store. A police car pulls up beside her. Two officers get out and walk into the store. Richard looks up worriedly, grabs something from the shelf and walks to the checkout. One of the policemen watches him as he leaves.
Officer: Tyler? Richard Tyler. Richard Tyler. Richard looks out at Lily and signals her to drive off, which she does.
Richard: Yes, I'm Richard Tyler. Liv and Wayne arrive at their makeshift home under the bridge.
Liv: Wayne coughed up a lung for ten hours. What have we got to show for it? Less than twenty bucks. The others are sat eating pizza.
Wayne: What have I gotta do? Die to make a living?
Liv: Who scored the feast?
Male: No-one. It's your friend's treat.
Woman: Hey Shawn! Look who showed.
Shawn: I was in the mood for pizza. Didn't feel like eating alone, so....
Liv: My very own fairy Godfather. Or are you just some rich boy looking to rent some down and dirty for the night.
Shawn: I'm not here for that.
Liv: What's the matter, am I not good enough for you?
Shawn: Maybe I'm not good enough for you.
Liv: I can get behind that. She turns to her friends.
Liv: Yo Wayne! Pepperoni! She turns to Shawn.
Liv: You gonna stand there and watch or you gonna sit down and eat? Lily phones Brian from her car.
Brian: Hello?
Lily: Brian, it's me, Lily.
Brian: Lily, where are you? You know, NTAC's been calling me all summer, trying to find you.
Lily: Brian look, I need your help. Richard, he's been arrested. You're a lawyer. I need you to call the Sheriff's office in Weldon, Idaho. See what you can find out.
Brian: Well look, I don't know what I can do for the guy, I'm not a criminal lawyer.
Lily: Brian, if you don't wanna help.
Brian: I swear to God Lily! You disappear for over a year and then you call me up with stories about the police arresting your boyfriend.
Lily: Richard's my husband. We have a child. A six month old girl. How's Heidi?
Brian: She's good. Started seventh grade. It's her first semester.
Lily: That's wonderful. Brian, I'm sorry to be bothering you with this but I have nowhere else to turn.
Brian: Ok, I'll make a few calls and do whatever I can. Tom and Diana go to visit the violinist's father at work.
Father: I gotta admit. When Mike first came home with that violin and started playing, his Mom and me, we were both a little spooked.
Diana: So why did you help pay Heather's bail.
Father: I would have paid the whole thing if I could have afforded it. My wife, uh, she shot a video of Mike playing, sent it over to the conservatory? Next day they called back. Said our son was a prodigy.
Tom: Did you tell them he'd been playing for only two weeks?
Father: They thought I was putting them on. Talked about how his playing was worthy of scholarship. You know, I thought this kid was going to end up working on the assembly line, like his old man. Now he's got a way out.
Tom: Miss Tobey's at NTAC today for a physical. We're asking the parents of the students she's gifted, to come in to be interviewed.
Father: No problem, I'll call his Mom. We'll do anything we need to, to get Heather back in that classroom.
Tom: Great.
Diana: Thanks. Shawn is back at the center telling Collier about his evening.
Shawn: You should have seen them chowing down on the pizza. Just getting enough to eat, you know? It's such a struggle.
Collier: And you made that struggle a little easier. I'm proud of you, Shawn.
Shawn: I'm thinking of going back down there. There's so much they need. Jackets, sleeping bags, maybe a couple of first aid kits? Just basic stuff to survive, you know?
Collier: You give them all the supplies they need.
Shawn: Alright.
Collier: But look, whatever you do Shawn, don't reveal your healing ability.
Shawn: Why? Cos they can't pay?
Collier: No. Because, if you heal one of them, you'll have to heal them all. The phone rings.
Collier: I mean it. Not even you can do that. Shawn leaves and Collier speaks into the phone.
Collier: Yeah! I'm listening. When was this? Shawn is in a store with Wayne and Liv. They both begin to play guitars.
Liv: Sweet!
Shawn: I'm a little rusty.
Liv: One of these day's I'm gonna write a concept album. Put my talent on the street.
Shawn: Oh.
Liv: Gonna win a grammy. Get the bling bling. Get a a private jet. One of those big old gated houses. Enough room for Wayne, Kimmy and Shadow.
Shawn: Sounds like a plan. Later, Shawn leaves the store to find her talking with friends. Wayne has bought a coat.
Liv: Yeah, matches the dress.
Shawn: Hey
Liv: First time in months I haven't seen him shivering.
Shawn: It's amazing what a warm coat will do.
Wayne: Yeah.
Liv: Got yourself that guitar, huh?
Shawn: No actually, you know what? I got you a guitar.
Woman: What's the matter baby girl? You act like you never had a present before.
Liv: It's been a while. She picks up the guitar and looks at Wayne before walking away.
Liv: You touch this, you die
Wayne: Touch it, you die?
Shawn: I guess so. Kyle and Danny take a walk through campus.
Kyle: I hate lies. I hate waiting, you know?
Danny: Trust me, there'll be no waiting tonight. I've been to this club plenty of times. I know the bouncer. He'll let us walk right in.
Kyle: I hope you're right. I hate waiting in line. They pass a girl sitting on a bench, reading Collier's book.
Danny: Hey, that book you're reading is nothing but lies. Excuse me, I'm talking to you! That trash is gonna rot your mind.
Kyle: Danny. Two guys appear. One hands the girl a coffee.
Male: What's going on?
Danny: She outta be careful. That book's a load of bull.
Male: I bought it for her.
Danny: Big mistake.
Male: I didn't ask your opinion.
Kyle: Danny. Come on man.
Danny: Just watch my back, ok? Listen pal, let me tell you a little something about cults. He walks forwards towards the men. Kyle experiences another blackout and finds himself standing in his kitchen pouring out a glass of juice. He jumps back in shock. Richard is lying on a bed in a cell. The door is opened.
Richard: What's going on? You letting me go? The guard stands to one side and Collier walks in.
Collier: Hello Richard. Back under the bridge. Shawn is sat listening to Liv play the guitar.
Liv: What's with the filthy grin?
Shawn: Just the way that you bite your tongue when you're trying to concentrate.
Liv: I've been doing that since I was a kid.
Shawn: How long have you been in Seattle?
Liv: Two years. Left my Mom and her new boyfriend. Came out here for the music. Somehow my life took a weird turn.
Shawn: I've had a few of those myself.
Liv: What, you ran away from home too?
Shawn: Um, sort of. Except I lucked out and found a place to run to. Otherwise....
Liv: You would have wound up like the rest of us rejects?
Shawn: Something like that.
Liv: You're one of those 4400 guys huh? Can you make my eyes turn green? What, you able to walk on water?
Shawn: I like your eyes the way that they are. And I can hardly swim. He hugs her. Another man walks up.
Dewie: Well, what the hell is this?
Liv: Dewie. She get's up and goes over to him.
Dewie: I see you've been keeping busy.
Liv: No baby, it's just some guy. He brought us some food and blankets.
Shawn: Look, who is this guy?
Liv: Shawn, you gotta go.
Dewie: I'd listen to her.
Shawn: What are you doing?
Dewie: Listen, she does whatever I tell her to do. Do you have a problem with that?
Shawn: Yeah, yeah I do.
Liv: Shawn please! You've done your good deed. Just go home, ok? Please?
Shawn: Come with me. Come with me.
Liv: And then what? Are you gonna rescue me? I don't wanna be saved. Get the hell outta here! Dewie begins kissing her neck.
Liv: Go, I mean it! Go!! He leaves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Greg is getting ready for school when his father walks in.
Venner: Hey! You're not going back to that school. Not till that woman is gone!
Greg: But what about my other classes? I've got homework.
Venner: Since when do you care about school?
Greg: What, you want me to end up like you?
Venner: You watch your mouth!
Greg: I don't wanna fall behind!
Venner: Fall behind?With the grades you've been bringing home? You've been behind since your first report card. Danny is angry at Kyle.
Tom: What, you just going to sit there, or are you going to talk to me. Cos I really think you owe me an explanation. You know those guys wanted to kill me and I turn around and my cousin's nowhere in sight.
Kyle: I don't know what happened.
Danny: Yeah, I know what happened. You ran out on me! It's a good thing that security guard was there.
Kyle: The other time I could blame it on the beer. You drink too much, you can black out, alright? But today, I didn't drink anything. I'm blacking out. Losing chunks of time. It's like they did something to my wiring.
Danny: They? Kyle, who you talking about?
Kyle: Same ones who took Shawn and put me in a coma. They left me messed up inside.
Danny: Hey man, you're scaring me.
Kyle: How do you think I feel? Brian phones Lily.
Lily: Brian, any news?
Brian: Yes, I got hold of the Weldon authorities and Richard's been released from custody.
Lily: Oh thank God! When?
Brian: About an hour ago.
Lily: Why hasn't he called me? Richard is sat in an interview room. Collier enters and sits opposite him at the table.
Collier: You sure you don't wanna call Lily? Let her know you're alright?
Richard: Am I?
Collier: You're in no danger from me, Richard. All I want is to make you an offer and if it's not to your liking, then you can walk out of here, you'll never see me again.
Richard: How much did you pay those cops to call you instead of NTAC? To get my picture into their hands?
Collier: My money, Richard.
Richard: Look, you said I was free to go after I heard your offer. You got one for me, make it.
Collier: I want you to come home. You and your family. To the 4400 center.
Richard: I don't think so.
Collier: You said you read my book. Which means you know why we were taken and what we're mean't to do. The future, the future rests in our hands, Richard. You, me, Lily. We are the chosen one's.
Richard: Come on Jordan. We both know this has got nothing to do with me or Lily. This is all about Isabelle.
Collier: Isabelle. Well that's a lovely name.
Richard: For once, why don't you say what you really want? To take her from us. Control us.
Collier: Your daughter is the future. I believed that then and I believe that now.
Richard: So what's changed?
Collier: I have.
Richard: I need more than your word.
Collier: Of course. Bring me to Isabelle. Let her judge me.
Richard: Isabelle's not coming anywhere near you.
Collier: What are you afraid of Richard? I'm the one at risk. I'm still suffering the after effects of our last encounter. Richard, it's simple. If I'm lying. If my motives are not pure, Isabelle will punish me accordingly. You'll be free of me once and for all. But if I'm sincere. If Isabelle accepts me, well then I can offer you and Lily and the child a new life. Stop running Richard. Richard meets with Lily.
Lily: Forget it. It's not gonna happen. There's no way I'm gonna let Isabelle anywhere near that man.
Richard: But think about it. If Collier really has changed, it means we can get off the road. Stop running.
Lily: That's a big if.
Richard: He offered to act as a middle man between us and NTAC. Say's he can get them to back off.
Lily: And you believe him?
Richard: He's got lawyers. A whole organisation behind him. We can barely even pay for gas.
Lily: He's lied to us before. The man tried to destroy our relationship.
Richard: Ok, say he is lying. Maybe all of this is kind sort of trap.
Lily: To get his hands on our daughter.
Richard: He wants a face to face with Isabelle, I say we give it to him. You've seen what she's capable of. What she can do if she feels threatened.
Lily: It still feels like an awfully big risk.
Richard: For Collier. Diana and Tom take Heather back to the school. A group of angry parents begin shouting.
Crowd: Get out of here!
Herman: Welcome back Heather.
Heather: I'm sorry about all this.
Diana: Once the media loses interest, things will die down.
Tom: Until it does, we need to discuss how you intend to handle security.
Herman: Let me get Heather situated, then I'll meet you in my office.
Venner: Don't get comfortable, cos you're not staying! Later, Greg walks into Heather's classroom.
Heather: Greg! Does your Father know that you're here? He pulls out a gun.
Greg: It's all your fault. Everything was ok until you showed up.
Heather: Greg, please put the gun down.
Greg: No. You made me do this! I have no choice!
Heather: Yes you do. But only if you put the gun away.
Greg: I can't be here anymore. My Dad won't let me. This is my last chance!
Heather: Greg, calm down. We....
Greg: No! Not until you change me. Like you did them! You have to. There's nothing to discuss. Greg is losing control.
Greg: I'll take anything. Violin, painting, photography, I don't care!
Heather: Greg, your problem is with me, not your classmates. Let them go and you and I will deal with this, alone.
Greg: Yeah sure. That works for me.
Heather: Ok. I'd like you all to leave now. Quietly. Don't run.
Girl: Miss Tobey, will you be ok?
Greg: Move! The children leave and Heather turns on the intercom while Greg isn't looking. Tom discusses security issues with Herman.
Herman: For an entire week? Is that really necessary?
Tom: To and from school. Strictly as a precaution.
Diana: A continued police presence will send a clear message to anyone who thinks they can.... Heathers voice comes over the intercom.
Heather: Ok. So now we're alone. Now do what you promised. Would you put the gun down.
Greg: No!
Heather: Greg please, put the gun down. It scares me. Diana and Tom are listening.
Greg: Well good, it's supposed to scare you.
Heather: Greg... Tom hurries outside to find Venner who is still ranting to the press.
Venner: DA say's we don't have a criminal case? Fine, we'll take it to civil court. Once way or another, this woman.... Tom grabs him and pulls him away.
Tom: Excuse me.
Venner: Hey buddy, what's your problem?
Tom: You're needed inside. Back in the classroom, Heather places her hands on Greg's shoulders and desperately tries to find something within him.
Greg: I don't feel any different.
Heather: Greg, I'm trying.
Greg: Well try harder! You found it in Mike and Rita, you can find it in me! Venner speaks with Tom in the hallway.
Venner: I told you. I told you she was dangerous and none of you would listen.
Tom: She's not the one holding the gun.
Venner: Greg is a kid. He doesn't know what he's doing. She's got his mind all twisted. Tom grabs him.
Tom: I got news for you. I knew everything I needed to know the first time I talked to Greg. You're the one who twisted his mind. You put that gun in his pocket.
Venner: That is not true. Now you're the only one who's going to get your son out of this alive. Venner is crying. Back in the classroom.
Heather: Whatever talents we're talking about, where there to begin with. I'm only talking about a handful of students. Venner is listening in.
Greg: You found it in them, you can find it in me! You have to! Before I wind up like him! Like my Dad!
Heather: Is that what you're afraid of? Tom turns to Venner.
Tom: And you were worried she was going to damage your son. Greg is distressed.
Greg: You know what my Dad's like. He's nothing! He's a big angry nothing and that's exactly what he wants me to be! And I can't let that happen. He points the gun at her head.
Greg: Now Godammit, do something! He's crying.
Greg: It's no good is it? There's nothing there.
Heather: I'm sorry. Greg, not everybody's mean't to be an artist or a musician. You will find a place.
Greg: Sure I will. I have a talent for failure, just like him.
Heather: You don't have to become like your Father. Somewhere along the line he made a choice. You can make a different one. A better one. Venner speaks to him via the intercom.
Venner: She's right Greg.
Greg: Dad?
Venner: The mistakes I made, are mine. They're not yours. Just because I failed, it doesn't mean that you have to. Please put down the gun, Greg. Don't let my mistakes get you killed. He hands Heather the gun and begins sobbing in her arms. Wayne runs into the 4400 center
Wayne: Yo Shawn! You gotta do something man, he's knocking the crap out of her.
Shawn: What are you talking about?
Wayne: Dewie sold that guitar you got for Liv. Now he's all screwed up, cranked up or whatknot. She needs you!
Shawn: Come on. Come on. They drive to the bridge and race over. Shawn finds Dewie lying on the floor with Liv crying over him.
Liv: I begged him. I told him he'd taken too much.
Wayne: Dewie's dying. Liv:No! No! Shawn kneels by his head and presses on his chest. Everyone looks on as he shouts out whilst healing him. Dewie sits up, whilst Shawn gasps for breath.
Wayne: What did you do.
Liv: He brought him back.
Dewie: What the hell happened?
Liv: What happened? This guy just saved your life. Thankyou. Another man walks up to him.
Man: My leg. Please fix it.
Shawn: I'm sorry, it doesn't work like that.
Man: Why not? You helped him Everyone begins to shout out.
Crowd: Save us!
Shawn: I can't. I can't help everyone, I'm sorry.
Crowd: Help me. Have mercy.
Shawn: I'm sorry. I can't help everyone. I can't help everyone. The crowd presses in on him and he tries to push his way through.
Shawn: I can't help everyone. He runs to his car.
Liv: No! We need you! He drives away and pulls up around the corner, obviously shaken by the experience. Collier pulls up beside Richards car.
Richard: You sure about this?
Collier: Yeah, I'm sure. Lily brings out the baby and walks over to Collier.
Collier: Lily. Good to see you. And this is Isabelle. Hi. Isabelle stares at him and he touches her head. Nothing happens and she smiles.
Collier: Yes. He kisses her hand.
Collier: Yes. Diana and Tom help Heather put her belongings into the boot of her car.
Tom: How's that?
Heather: Guess that's it. Goodbye Fairview.
Tom: At least this time, it's your call.
Heather: I'll find another town. Another school. Maybe work as a private tutor for a while. I just have to figure out a way to use this gift of mine without causing so much pain.
Diana: Well the world could always use a little more beauty.
Heather: I hope so.
Tom: Good luck.
Heather: Thanks. She get's into her car and drives away.
Diana: I was thinking of getting Maia piano lessons.
Tom: Oh yeah? Bet she'd like that.
Diana: Or maybe even study painting, cos she's always colouring. Unless you could call that a ripple effect.
Tom: A positive one. The violinist plays his violin in an empty classroom . | Plan: A: A schoolteacher; Q: Who terrifies parents with her supernatural ability to inspire artistic students? A: the police; Q: Who cornered Richard, Lily and their child? A: Jordan; Q: Who warns Shawn not to overuse his healing gift? A: Kyle; Q: Who experiences a blackout? Summary: A schoolteacher terrifies parents with her supernatural ability to inspire artistic students; Richard, Lily and their child are cornered by the police; Jordan warns Shawn not to overuse his healing gift; and Kyle experiences another blackout. |
THE SEEDS OF DOOM
BY ROBERT BANKS STEWART
PART THREE
6:55pm - 7:20pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHESTER: Come on.
CHESTER: Are you all right? Look, we're from South Bend. These marines got me through. We heard the explosion. What happened?
SARAH: The Doctor. Where's the Doctor?
CHESTER: It's all right, I'm a doctor. Doctor Chester. Look, we're going to take care of you. Don't worry.
SARAH: No, no, you don't understand. He's trying to reach the camp. We've got to find him. Doctor!
CHESTER: Look, hang about. Take it easy.
SARAH: Doctor!
SARAH: Help me!
SARAH: He's alive.
DOCTOR: Good morning.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCORBY: Must be in the greenhouse. Mister Chase? Mission accomplished.
CHASE: Well? Open it.
CHASE: Astounding. I can scarcely believe it.
SCORBY: I wouldn't touch it.
CHASE: Why not?
SCORBY: Well, there was this other pod, and one of the expedition apparently got infected by it.
CHASE: Yes, so I heard. What happened exactly?
KEELER: It was all very strange. He went mad and killed somebody.
SCORBY: Yeah, they told us the pod took him over in some way.
CHASE: Oh. What became of this other pod?
SCORBY: It was destroyed. We had to blow the whole place to smithereens plus everyone in it.
CHASE: What a pity. I could have had two pods.
CHASE: Come.
HARGREAVES: Mister Dunbar, sir.
CHASE: Ah, come in, Dunbar. It's all right. These are the two men who brought back the pod.
CHASE: They know of your contribution to the enterprise.
DUNBAR: I had no idea you'd go to such terrible lengths to get it.
CHASE: The destruction of the others was necessary.
DUNBAR: Necessary?
CHASE: There it is. Look at it. Like me, I imagine you couldn't wait to see it with your own eyes.
DUNBAR: Unlike you, I can hardly bear to look at it, considering the cost.
CHASE: Since you mention cost, Dunbar, you've already been well paid for your part, so keep a stiff upper lip, forget your qualms. The object has been achieved. We can all relax.
DUNBAR: Not quite.
CHASE: No?
DUNBAR: They weren't all wiped out. That's what I came to warn you about. The Doctor and his assistant are still alive.
SCORBY: That's not possible.
DUNBAR: The Doctor's meeting Sir Colin and me in two hours time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
THACKERAY: But why should people go to such lengths to get their hands on the pod?
DOCTOR: Greed. Greed. The most dangerous impulse in the universe. Do you realise that on this planet the pod is unique? I use the word with precision. Unique. And to some people, its uniqueness makes it valuable at any cost.
DUNBAR: You make these two mystery men sound like fanatics.
DOCTOR: Fanatics? Tell him. You tell him. You tell him!
SARAH: These two mystery men had everything planned. They had an aeroplane, guns, even a bomb. It was organised down to the last detail. Now, if that isn't fanaticism, well, what is?
DUNBAR: Surely you're exaggerating.
SARAH: Exaggerate? Now look, I was there. We were nearly killed!
DOCTOR: Be calm. Be calm. Listen, both of you. Are you both listening to me? I think they were dangerous, but they were stooges. I believe they were working for someone else.
SARAH: And if that's true, that someone else must be a complete madman.
DOCTOR: What's more to the point is how they knew of the pod's existence. The discovery had been reported only to your department, correct?
THACKERAY: That's correct. But Doctor, I trust you're not suggesting that information was leaked from this bureau?
DOCTOR: Why not? Why shouldn't it be?
DUNBAR: Doctor, how can you suggest such a thing?
THACKERAY: In any case, what would be the gain?
DOCTOR: Oh, money.
DUNBAR: Money?
DOCTOR: Yes, money. Hired thieves and murderers don't usually work for love.
DUNBAR: Since you seem to have it all sewn up, Doctor, perhaps you can tell us where the pod is now?
DOCTOR: I'll make a guess. Right here, in this country. Action! Action, that's what we need. If we don't find that pod before it germinates, it'll be the end of everything. Everything, you understand? Even your pension!
THACKERAY: Very well, Doctor. You've made your point. All the facilities of this bureau will be placed at your disposal.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
THACKERAY: All right, Dunbar?
DUNBAR: I'll organise anything you require, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Good. Then organise us to the Botanic Institute, now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHAUFFEUR: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Yes.
CHAUFFEUR: This car was ordered for you, sir.
DOCTOR: Good. Let's go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DUNBAR: It's all right, Mister Chase. They're being taken care of. But I must warn you about that pod.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: What's going on? Where are we?
CHAUFFEUR: We're in a nice deserted place, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Who do you work for?
CHAUFFEUR: Both of you, out. This side.
DOCTOR: Now just a minute.
DOCTOR: Sarah, come on.
DOCTOR: Come on.
SARAH: Hey, down here. Down here, cloth-eyes. Are you blind?
DOCTOR: You try the boot.
SARAH: Right, give us the key.
SARAH: Hey, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes?
SARAH: Here.
DOCTOR: What?
SARAH: Look.
DOCTOR: Amelia Ducat.
SARAH: That's interesting.
DOCTOR: Is it? Why?
SARAH: Well, Amelia Ducat (French pronunciation) is only one of the world's leading flower artists.
[SCENE_BREAK]
AMELIA: Oh, yes, a perfect example. Fritillaria meleagris.
DOCTOR: Is that the common snakes-head fritillary?
AMELIA: And why are you asking me?
DOCTOR: No, I mean did you paint it, Miss Ducat. (pronounced Duket.)
AMELIA: The name is Ducat (Du-cah) actually. Yes, of course I painted it. I camped out on the Chilterns night after night to catch it at sunrise.
DOCTOR: We're trying to trace the owner.
AMELIA: Isn't it yours?
DOCTOR: No. We found it in a car boot.
AMELIA: A car boot?
DOCTOR: A Daimler car boot.
AMELIA: The car is immaterial.
SARAH: The driver wasn't. He tried to kill us.
DOCTOR: Can you remember who bought this particular painting?
AMELIA: Well, nobody. I haven't finished it yet.
SARAH: No, hang about, not that one. This one, Miss Ducat.
DOCTOR: Common snakes-head fritillary.
AMELIA: Oh, that one. Oh, dear me. It was a long time ago. Now what was his name? Something like face? Mace? Lace?
SARAH: Pace?
DOCTOR: Base?
AMELIA: That's right. Chase! Of course. Harrison Chase the millionaire. Good lord. He never paid me!
[SCENE_BREAK]
KEELER: No, the x-rays don't show any signs of activity, so
CHASE: We mustn't give up, Keeler. I'm certain we're on the verge of a breakthrough.
KEELER: Yes, but if we. (sighs) Mister Chase, please listen. Something weird happened in Antarctica. A man came into contact with the other pod, and according to the Doctor, he turned into an alien. Now I don't know what he meant exactly, but I believe it did happen, so please let's stop this experiment now.
CHASE: No, Keeler. Dunbar's explained everything to me. Provided we take the proper precautions, there is no danger. Now, inject the pod with fixed nitrogen.
KEELER: Special Projects lab. Yes. Yes, he's here. Urgent call from Dunbar. Your chauffeur's in hospital.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: I hope this works.
DOCTOR: It's worth the risk to find that pod.
DOCTOR: How do I look?
DOCTOR: So far, so good.
SARAH: Leave the car here?
DOCTOR: Yes.
SARAH: We're here.
DOCTOR: What's the best way in, do you think?
SARAH: The front.
DOCTOR: Not this time.
SARAH: The back?
DOCTOR: The back. Quick, hide.
DOCTOR: Let's brazen it out.
GUARD: Hey, you! Halt, or I'll fire!
DOCTOR: Just act natural.
SARAH: I am.
SARAH: Act natural, he says.
SCORBY: Hold it.
DOCTOR: Get our hands up.
SCORBY: Hello, Doctor. How nice of you to come. Over here! I've got them!
DOCTOR: That's right, grab us. We're very dangerous.
SCORBY: You're full of good ideas, Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCORBY: Some visitors, Mister Chase.
CHASE: So, the meddling Doctor. You lead a charmed life. You arrive without a chauffeur, not even a touch of frostbite.
DOCTOR: How do you do. Have you met Miss Smith? She's my best friend.
CHASE: Is she? And still beautifully intact, I see.
SARAH: I try my best, under the circumstances.
DOCTOR: And this is Mister Scorby. I don't know his first name. And these two gentlemen
CHASE: Yes, thank you, Doctor, we are acquainted.
DOCTOR: How nice. Hand over the pod.
CHASE: After all the inconvenience I've been put to? Oh no, Doctor. Perhaps you didn't know, but in this house is assembled the greatest collection of rare plants in the world. When the pod flowers, I shall achieve the crowning glory of my life's work.
DOCTOR: Take care. I notice a little greenfly here and there.
CHASE: Your envy is understandable, Doctor. However, as I propose to have you both executed
SARAH: Why? We haven't harmed you.
DOCTOR: Be reasonable, Sarah. What choice has he got? We keep interfering.
CHASE: Exactly, Doctor. However, before you die you will be granted a unique privilege. The last things you will ever see will be my beautiful plants. Please come this way.
SARAH: (quietly) Look, what are you playing
SCORBY: Come on, on your way.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHASE (OOV.): And the west wing was completed by Sir Bothwell Chase just before his execution in 1587.
CHASE: This plant laboratory is unique, Doctor. It makes the Botanical Institute look like a potting shed.
DOCTOR: Are we near the end? I do so hate guided tours.
CHASE: Here we treat our green friends as patients. If they're puny, we build them up. If they're sick, we give them succour.
SARAH: I've heard of flower power, but that is ridiculous.
CHASE: You've heard of the theory that irregular light patterns can affect the senses of so-called mindless things?
DOCTOR: Oh yes, like Scorby here.
SCORBY: Enjoy yourself while you can, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Where's Keeler?
CHASE: He's engaged in important and isolated research.
DOCTOR: On the pod?
CHASE: What else?
[SCENE_BREAK]
HARGREAVES: Your coffee, sir. Two lumps, isn't it?
KEELER: It's happening.
HARGREAVES: What is?
KEELER: There's a flokers path forming on the pericarp.
HARGREAVES: There's a what, sir?
KEELER: It's alive! It's growing! Go and fetch Mister Chase. Tell him it's urgent.
HARGREAVES: Hurry up, Hargreaves!
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCORBY: All right, that's enough.
GUARD: Come on, move.
SCORBY: Okay, hold it there.
CHASE: The hymn of the plants. I composed it myself. People say that you should talk to plants. I believe that. Just as I believe they also like music.
SARAH: Got to get out of here.
DOCTOR: (mutters)
SARAH: What?
DOCTOR: I said, the music's terrible!
SCORBY: Shut up.
CHASE: Now I shall play you my requiem. My Floriana Requiem, dedicated to Linnaeus.
CHASE: You know, Doctor, I could play all day in my green cathedral.
HARGREAVES: Mister Chase.
DOCTOR: Oh, go away. Can't you see Mister Chase is busy?
HARGREAVES: It's Mister Keeler. Something's happening to that pod!
CHASE: Why are you shouting, Hargreaves?
HARGREAVES: Would you go to the annex, please?
CHASE: Yes, right. Take these people away. I imagine they won't mind a few minutes delay before they die.
SCORBY: All right, move.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHASE: What is it?
KEELER: I thought you should see this.
CHASE: Have you injected fixed nitrogen?
KEELER: Fifteen grams. Careful. I shouldn't get too close.
CHASE: There can't be any danger yet.
KEELER: Don't forget it's alien.
CHASE: More nitrogen.
KEELER: No, I don't think that would be wise, Mister Chase.
CHASE: I make the decisions. Inject another fifteen grams.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Where are you taking us, Scorby?
SCORBY: I shouldn't worry, Doctor. It's strictly a one way journey.
SARAH: Now, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Come along, Sarah.
SARAH: But
DOCTOR: We've got to warn Sir Colin.
SARAH: Right. Let's get out and phone him.
DOCTOR: Got a two P piece?
SARAH: Yeah.
DOCTOR: Good. You're going to phone him. I must get another look at that pod. Let's get you over the wall first.
SCORBY: Guards!
SCORBY: They got away. We've got to find them. You two that way.
SCORBY (OOV.): You men there cover sector nine!
SCORBY: Spread out, you idiots.
DOCTOR: Come on.
SARAH: Listen, you be careful of Chase. If he catches you.
DOCTOR: Shush.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHASE: Remarkable. It almost grows before my eyes. Where's your enthusiasm, Keeler? Don't you realise we face a moment of history?
[SCENE_BREAK]
GUARD: One word out of you and you're a dead little girl, understand? So near yet so far.
GUARD: You didn't think you'd get away with it, did you? Come on.
GUARD: Found her in the woods. She must have got over the wall.
SCORBY: And the other one?
GUARD: No sign of him.
SCORBY: Where's the Doctor? Mister Chase isn't going to be very pleased with you. Come on. Keep looking!
[SCENE_BREAK]
KEELER: It's like waiting for a time bomb to explode.
CHASE: What's been happening? I thought you had them both safely locked up.
SCORBY: They got away somehow. The Doctor's still free but he won't get far.
CHASE: Oh, so that's what all that noise was about. Where is he?
SARAH: I don't know. And if I did, I wouldn't tell you.
CHASE: What a very uncooperative young lady. However, I've just had an idea. You can help me with my experiment. Remove her coat. Sit down. Miss Smith will be our subject, like so.
SARAH: No!
CHASE: Fetch some clamps, Keeler.
KEELER: You can't! It's inhuman!
CHASE: I don't care. I must know what happens when a Krynoid touches human flesh. | Plan: A: two attempts; Q: How many attempts did the Doctor and Sarah survive to end their lives? A: the plant fanatic; Q: Who ordered the hit on the arctic base? A: the boot; Q: Where was the painting of the rare flower left in the car? A: Chase; Q: Who is trying to encourage the hatching of the Krynoid pod? Summary: Surviving two attempts to end their lives, the Doctor and Sarah seek the identity of the plant fanatic who ordered the hit on the arctic base, pursuing their only lead - a commissioned painting of a rare flower left in the boot of a car. Chase, meanwhile, is doing all he can to encourage the hatching of the Krynoid pod. |
Scene 1: Teachers' Corner - Will, Emma, Ken Emma and the coach Tanaka are eating when Will arrives.
Will: Hi. Can I join you? (He sits) Why everyone pomponne?
Emma: Class photo. This is the fiftieth edition of the McKinley High School.
Ken: I have raised 10 pounds Friday to look hot on the picture and be on my 31 for the wedding in two weeks.
Emma: Of course, the wedding was to take place in Hawaii, but I was told that I could not bring my fruit, so ...
Will: But the selections are in two weeks.
Ken: Oh, damn. You can not be, Eminem.
Emma: I completely forgot. I'm sorry. I wanted to come. For children.
Ken: We will not reorganize everything. The veterans hall is taken up in June It is only free Saturday because of the anniversary of the "Grizzly Fried Fish". I have a big discount. We must leave before the candlelight vigil.
Emma: I remember. Oh my god! Sue, you've finally hit someone? Sue approaching their table.
Sue: Edie. William. You. Every year when the period comes from the album, I always dais a little something. This year, I paid a lifting eye. I took the opportunity to ask me to remove their lacrimal glands. I used it not. I have a whole closet full of trophies and medals. (She takes a chair and sits) But for you, mere teachers, this album is the only concrete evidence that anything you did in your poor little lives have made any difference. My cheerleaders are so excited. I put the sweet potato diet. It draws water out of the skin.
Will: I'm sure my choir will be delighted.
Sue: The choir will not have a photo.
Emma: What? Why?
Sue: I leave the principal's office Figgins, Eleanor. About the vandalism on the pictures of the old choir. I convinced him that put them in the abum of the year amounted to expose these monsters to more humiliation and ridicule.
Will: Why can not you accept that they will win this year?
Sue: It will not happen.
Will: And stop your ridiculous vendetta.
Emma: Yes. This is really unfair.
Will: I'll talk to Figgins.
Sue: Have fun. You bore me now. I'll do something else. Sue goes. Will is ennervé.
Scene 2: Classroom - The New Directions The New Directions, Rachel are without a meeting about the albums choirs.
Kurt: Rachel is there?
Finn: Not yet.
Kurt: All right. The club is in a difficult position. We all received the frosted juice in his face. For now, our relative anonymity protects us from the harshest persecution. Daubed. Tire-patriotic pants.
Mercedes: What is a breast patriotic pants?
Finn: That's when you attach the flagpole by the underwear.
Artie: Oddly, it makes me feel more American.
Kurt: After investigation, I think the album would only fuel the flames of terror antichorale. I did some research. (He opens the photo albums of old choirs) Peter Gellar. Second tenor, 1998. Can be seen here with Hitler's mustache and a Chinese hat. Soon after the album's release, Mr. Gellar became depressed. He is the homeless who sleeps in front of the library.
Quinn: Patches?
Kurt: Patches.
Brittany: He barks at my mother.
Kurt: Example B. Tawny Peterson. The choir promo 2000. Here, with a knife in the head. A macabre table four years later, will prove prescient. I speak for everyone when I say that not having to ask for the album could be a blessing. I suggest we let it flow. Will arrives.
Will: Hi everyone. Looking at the old albums.
Artie: It's totally annoying.
Will: And completely unfair. Can I borrow it? (He takes the album) You know what? The album this year will be a photo of each of your smiling faces. I promise.
Scene 3: Office of the Principal Figgins - Will Figgins
Figgins: Shue, I do them a favor. Thus, other students will not humiliate them more.
Will: They take the stage all the time to enjoy their passion one likes them or not. They do not let anything or anyone, to reach them. You should support them! Sue is wrong.
Figgins: Very good. They will have their photo.
Will: Thank you.
Figgins: It will cost $ 1000.
Will: What?
Figgins: This is the price. The album is primarily a school advertising space. The funeral Frederickson grew by 1.3% of their income after their full-page album of last year.
Will: What would it cost a quarter of a page?
Figgins: $ 325. This is the price for a photograph with two members of the choir. In advertising for sandwiches from Uncle Sandro.
Will: It's too expensive.
Figgins: We'll deal with it. I think you should choose a pretty cheerleader, but not pregnant, and the quarterback for the photo. There will thus be less likely that they face Doodles. Rahcel arrives unannounced.
Rachel: Mr Shuester. Excuse me for interrupting you. Principal Figgins, this is my first year in the choir and I just learned it will not be in the album.As you can imagine my gay dads are very active in defending my rights ...
Will: Leaves, Rachel. Consider it done. It will be in the album.
Rachel: Fantastic. Thank you very much. She leaves and walks down the hall.
Rachel (Voiceover): Laugh if you will, but I want the class photos. (She arrives in the library) and I am preparing to dazzle the paparazzi. So they either intrusive, the stars need the press and I must prepare myself.Therefore, as soon as I can, I signed up for clubs. You probably think I do it out of interest, without me really involved. Not true for the choir. I really like. I share the values it. We are the dregs, rejected and humiliated by all, but we made something of ourselves, something I am proud, I want to be remembered. She walks past Quinn, Brittany and Santana. These last two scribble on Rachel's head pictures.
Santana: It's the total.
Quinn (Voiceover): The uniform of the pom-poms I miss. It made me feel safe. Framed. Even when I was lonely, I was at least part of a group. Quinn found only in the library, looking at an album.
Quinn (Voiceover): When my children see these albums, which I was, I want them to be proud. Not the little b*st*rd that I wear, but those that I would if I were married. I am perhaps more cheerleader, but my heart is still with them. I stop playing the victims. When you take the picture of pom-poms, I found my place who likes it or not to Sue Sylvester. She gets up and walks away, determined.
Scene 4: At Will and Terri - Terri, Will Terri watching TV, lying on the couch. Will arrives.
Will: Baby, what a tie is better?
Terri: You hide the TV, Will.
Will: Come on, I need you. That's the class photo.
Terri: Well, in this case ... the red to the picture of teachers and the green for the choir. It will get better with scribbles. Will sits beside her.
Will: I wanted to tell you about it. Figgins does not want the choir on the album, because of scribbles. It makes me sad for the kids. They work hard. They deserve respect. Refuse the choir on the album, is like denying. I want to buy an insert for the photo of the choir. It will cost $ 300.
Terri: Great. There you just have to give them what we need food. The food that keeps your baby alive.
Will: We have $ 200 from the sale of the Blue Bomb.
Terri: No. It is not.
Will: But if ...
Terri: No! ... No! ... No!
Scene 5: Office of the Principal Figgins - Will Figgins Will signing the check for album of the choir.
Will: Actually, can you wait until Thursday to cash it? Figgins accepts and takes the money, happy.
Scene 6: Classroom - The New Directions Kurt plays the piano and Rachel just talk to him.
Rachel: I have a great idea for a club that I would officially become the most committed student. I want us to do a Allgaylesb.
Kurt: I'm sorry?
Rachel: The Gay and Lesbian Alliance. All-Gay Lesb. Kurt gets up and joins the other students. Will arrives.
Will: Hey, good news! The choir will have a photo to the album. (Everyone hides the fact that he is not happy, except that Rachel is more than happy) It will show everyone that the choir is cool. When we have won the regional, these photos will be collectible. All your classmates you begging for an autograph. But I had to make a compromise. It was a quarter page.We must therefore choose two team captains who will make the picture.Tomorrow, we will vote to choose them. Exciting, no? All right. Will goes away happy.
Scene 7: Classroom - The New Directions The New Directions waiting assient on their chairs.
Mercedes: We're here. We should vote.
Rachel: Let me say a few words.
Mercedes: I called Rachel.
Kurt: Me too.
Puck: I, I'm fine. I have to put on top for the photo of the football team. A few minutes later, Will records the results.
Will: It seems that you all voted for Rachel. Even Rachel elsewhere. But we have two captains.
Quinn: Why? We are happy that Rachel is only us.
Kurt: Actually, we prefer.
Scene 8: Office of Emma - Will, Emma Will discusses the problems with the choir.
Will: What's worse is that after all this time, they always ashamed of the choir. They still see themselves as zero. Would have one of them react and become co-captain.
Emma: Well, you probably should go through their elected Captain. Said by a peer, things sound different. Although this pair is also annoying as Rachel. You know, none of this will be a problem only if they win selections. I apologize for not being able to come.
Will: I wanted to talk about that. I think Ken has done on purpose to plan the wedding on the same day. Not for you to come.
Emma: Why he would do that?
Will: We both know how he sees our ... relationship.
Emma: I'm going to marry Ken. I know that I have ... given reason to be jealous before, but you must know that I'm done with it. Ken has many faults. I counted 74, but it is not resentful. It's really a good guy. It is nice and great with students. It has that in common. It's true, it could improve his health, but it is filled with compassion, that's why I'm going to marry her.
Will: You're right. I crossed the line. It will not happen again. Will out of the office.
Scene 9: Classroom - Will, Rachel Will prepare and Rachel enters the room.
Rachel: You wanted to see me, mr Shue?
Will: Yes, Rachel. Sit down. How is the direction of the choir?
Rachel: (She sits down) My unanimous election will allow me to make things happen.
Will: Great, well, I have a job for you, Captain. (He sits beside her) We need a co-captain. You have so many good ideas, he'll have to help to achieve them.
Rachel: A lieutenant would come in handy. I have over 65 offers.
Will: I can trust you?
Rachel: No problem. I'm on it. They shake hands.
Scene 10: Corridor - Rachel, Mercedes Rachel and Mercedes discuss.
Mercedes: I can not be co-captain. I have no time. That's Kwanza.
Rachel: The Kwanza, it's the end of December. The photo is Thursday.
Mercedes: It is prepared earlier this year.
Scene 11: Corner of the corridor - Rachel, Artie
Artie: I love to be in the photo, but you and me sitting upright it would spoil everything.
Rachel: I would look.
Artie: But if you do that, people will think you have a stomach ache.
Rachel: All in all, you do not have the makings of a leader.
Artie: A follower. Artie goes.
Scene 12: Corridor - Rachel, Brittany Brittany and Rachel walk follows.
Rachel: Britanny, it will not happen That a time in your life.
Brittany: No way.
Rachel: Why?
Brittany: I apparaîtrais not something that will be tagged.
Rachel: No, not at all.
Brittany: If it was me who would. Britanny goes.
Scene 13: Outside School - Rachel Finn Rachel Finn walks alone but follows it.
Rachel: I despair. The choir needs you.
Finn: Thanks but you should take someone more involved. I am, but I football, friends and everything.
Rachel: The choir works only since you arrived. Pom-poms and football players would not have come if you were not there.
Finn: You know I love the choir. But why do I represent?
Rachel: Because you are a leader, Finn. That's what leaders do. They commit themselves to those they love. Much is at stake. Morale is low, you know. If nothing changes, we'll miss the selections and the choir is over. I could not do it alone.
Finn: You're not anymore. I am a leader. This is what I am, what I want to be. You have a co-captain. I do the picture with you. Rachel smiles of happiness.
Scene 14: Classroom - Rachel Finn
Rachel: I know that as captain of the football team, you worked hard to give the impression of being strong as a rock. But the choir, it's different. It must be the epitome of positivity and optimism. So we will train and I'll teach you to smile correctly on a photo. Rachel and Finn sings "Smile" (Lily Allen).
Scene 15: Locker room of the football team - Finn, Karofsky, Azimio Finn is in the process of change. Karofsky and Azimio arivent from behind the plate against the locker and her cheeks coloring.
Finn: What ...
Azimio: We train dude, relax.
Karofsky: You'll be on the photo of the choir and we will not miss you.
Finn: (He bangs against the wall) f*ck, Karofsky! I'm sick of you people abase.
Azimio: Stop your speech out loud chorus. The system puts in place those who disturb the order. (Finn pushes) You got several options. Want to Hitler's mustache on the picture? Or horse teeth? What do you want? I do not care anyway. I will ... Finn pushes him back.
Karofsky: How do you write "loser"? I will write on his forehead. Karofsky kicks to Finn.
Azimio: His big potato head. We could all write a haiku. The two leave, leaving only Finn.
Scene 16: Room photography - Rachel, the photographer, his assistant Rachel standing begins to stress as it is ready to shoot but Finn is not there.
Photographer: We can try it?
Rachel: (She sits) Well. I'm ready. I ... would do it alone. (The photographer takes a picture) Wait. I want people to take only my left side. The photographer takes many photos but is not satisfied.
Photographer: I need to see your teeth. That's just my job.
Rachel: Sorry. It's just that ... I ennevée. My co-captain dropped me ... I'm sorry, just a minute. She gets up and goes to the mirror.
Rachel (Voiceover): Pull yourself. Stop thinking about the judgment of others or how they disappoint you. It is lonely at the top, you know. What is the song to overcome personal and professional disappointments?(She sings) When you're smiling. When you're smiling. The Whole World smiles with you. She turns to the photographer.
Rachel: I'm ready. She sits down, looks at the chair for Finn, begins profile and smiled. The photographer takes two pictures.
Photographer: Okay.
Rachel: What? That's it? I prepared 18 poses for this shoot and you do not even see it with the left shoulder. See?
Photographer: Sorry, but I gotta run. I have an audition in 30 minutes.
Rachel: A casting call for what?
Photographer: My brother is a commercial for his store. I realize. School pictures, it's for money. (Rachel starts to cry) Wait, I can take more pictures for you.
Rachel: I cry on demand. One of my talents. I am versatile and apart from the nudity and abuse of animals, I'd do anything for power drill.
Photographer: It's true that you seem talented, but I need ... There are other roles to play. I need a bunch of actors.
Rachel: I can help.
Scene 17: Classroom - The New Directions
Rachel: Let me begin this meeting. (It will close the door but Finn comes at the same time) Hi Finn. Nice coming.
Finn: I'm sorry. The guy threatened me in the locker room. If I made the photo, I had a mustache of Hitler or horse teeth, and I'm wrong. (He sits down next to Quinn) I have a potato head?
Rachel: (Standing in front of everyone) I realized that you take lightly the choir. You're sure you can not win and you will look Figgins close the choir, doing nothing. I will offer a rare opportunity. The opportunity to become stars. They look at all.
Quinn: How?
Rachel: We are the new stars of a local advertising. They are surprised
Finn: Are you serious?
Rachel: Yes Finn. While you think about your image in high school, I gave the choir a chance to break. Simply make us famous. And no annoying celebrities, nor ruin their photos.
Tina: What's the pub?
Rachel: Hang in there and get ready to sell ... mattresses! They are all happy and start to talk.
Artie: I will pay black shoulder straps.
Finn: (A Quinn) My mother will be very proud.
Mercedes: (A Kurt) Come on, strikes a pose.
Scene 18: Shooting location - The News Directions The New Directions is in the wings for the pub.
Tina: We will break into showbiz!
Rachel: This is a memorable day. There will be agents, producers and contracts. But for now the most important thing is that we are a team.
Mercedes: That's it. As soon as I did my album, I speak no more of you. The photographer and the director arrives.
Director: Hi everyone, we are delighted to have you here. In the land of the mattress, the mattress can not be reduced to sleeping more or fornicate. It is believed that finding a cheap must be a game
Photographer: Let's review the script. I find it pretty cool. I wrote it. Action! The New Directions try scenario.
Finn: Ah, me!
Mercedes: What?
Puck: We lost our jobs at the plant. And we do not sleep well.
Rachel: Awake! Come to the countries of the mattress. We wholesale prices that will suit your style and porefeuilles. (They did not seem happy) Sorry, Mr. Cuspergerg. This script is great, but it is a choir, and we should sing it.
Photographer: Sing replicas as I've written.
Director: Wait. You think what?
Scene 19: Pub - The New Directions The New Directions sing "Jump" for advertising.
Director: Come to the countries of the mattress!
New Directions: Come to the countries of the mattress!
Scene 20: At Will and Terri - Will, Terri Will look for something in the drawers of her bedroom. Will Terri, you saw my handkerchief? He opens a drawer and found the cushion that served as a belly for Terri.He goes into the kitchen.
Terri: (Preparing dinner) How it will make you look like Ted Knight?
Will: (Tending the cushion) What is it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Terri: A pregnancy pillow shop a prenatal. To see what you look like in clothes. Kendra stole it for me. To see if his old clothes I would go. She goes over to Will to take the cushion but he walks away.
Will: Lift your shirt.
Terri: What? Not Will launch pad violently.
Will: (Ennervé. Advancing towards it, making it backward) Lift your shirt.
Terri: You frighten me. Think about what you accuse me. Think about it and go get your handkerchief. Will grabs her arm and the plate against the cupboard. He lifts his shirt and pulled the pillow. He walks away.
Will: Why do we do that? I do not understand!
Terri: (Crying) I thought you'd leave me. You have changed so much. We know. I feel that you walk away from me. They start to get excited against each other.
Will: Because finally I hold you head? I want a balanced relationship?
Terri: Because of that bloody choir. Since you started, you take superior airs.
Will: I have the right to be proud of me. They calm down a bit.
Terri: Are you kidding whom? (She sits) This marriage works because you're not proud of you.
Will: (Being sad) This marriage works because I love you, because I've always accepted, for better or for worse.
Terri: You like the girl you met at age 15, it's not me.
Will: You're a stranger to my eyes. (Shouting) Are you happy? Are you happy?
Terri: It was not a lie at first. I really thought being pregnant. And then the doctor spoke of false pregnancy, and I panicked! Will be away from her, turns around and cries.
Will: It's insane. You were going to do what the big day?
Terri: Quinn Fabray. It was so perfect. She did not want it, I wanted one. I pushed the doctor to use the ultrasound when you came to visit.
Will: I loved you, Terri. I really loved you.
Terri: I'm so sorry. So sorry. (She gets up and goes to Will) Do you remember this appointment? What we said? At that moment, whatever happens, we loved. We can regain that sense. You can still love me! (Will hand towards the door) Please! Do not go! (Will takes his keys and hand) Please! Do not go! Terri closes the door, she finds herself alone and lost.
Scene 21: Office of Will - Will Will arrives in his office in the evening. He puts his suitcase on his desk, with pillows. Then he sees a pile of mattresses, in the classroom next door, hangs a word "Hi kids! Thanks for your help, Mr. Cusperberg.", He picks up and takes a mattress to sleep.
Scene 22: Television Program - Sue, Rod, Andrea
Sue: I asking too much to the management committee of the Ohio vacation? I ask that one day a year where I'm not visually assaulted by ugly and fat. Serious, Ohio, these retinas need a day off. Here's my dream: Friday after Christmas, my day off, if you're ugly, stay home.Spend the day watching videos of the time you were not so repulsive to me. And that's how Sue sees it.
Rod: Violent, Sue. It comes just after that. The pause is initiated.
Sue: Andrea, the chronicle that I just did, you were sent. Upon leaving, Sue hears the pub tour by the choir.
Rachel: Who said that buying a mattress was razor? In the land of the mattress, we all shapes and sizes, at prices that do not will empty your wallet. No loans? No problem. We have a funding program to 12.9%, without prior payment, and you only pay next year. You will jump for joy, seeing our prices. Come to the country of the mattress!
Scene 23: Corridor - Quinn, Sue Sue Quinn arrives and walk across.
Quinn: Coach Sylvester, we need to talk.
Sue: I have nothing to tell you the encloquée.
Quinn: The photo is of pom-poms tomorrow and I want to be over.
Sue: That's what you want? I wanted a captain who does not rule out the thighs on the back of a car as soon as she gets the chance, thus ruining his life.
Quinn: It would be good for the school. Show that appearances do not matter. That sometimes overcome obstacles. I have learned to the choir.
Sue: This little Maxim had to escape just after Will Schuester that you have learned how to disqualify selections.
Quinn: What?
Sue: I saw your little pub. You have planted. Sue moves on and leaves Quinn.
Scene 24: Office of the Principal Figgins - Will, Sue, Figgins Will, Sue and Figgins will explain about the choir and its participation in an advertisement.
Figgins: I'm afraid she is right. You have planted.
Will: I was not even aware.
Sue: Of course. You would not know if your office your choir used as kennels. You know why? You're too busy to turn around and put tons of gel! Looks like you've put bacon on it.
Will: What are you talking about? (He gets up from his chaiseet approaches Sue) The students did this ad for their group after resoldering thou have been banished from the directory.
Sue: I admit it.
Will: It was an innocent mistake.
Sue: And if I murder so innocent? I would still be considered. Self-defense, surely. I'll reread the rules. (She puts her glasses and takes a notebook. Will nods to Figgins to get help) 63rd amendment, paragraph 7: "No occupation will not be tolerated, any payment for services rendered void amateur status, and results in immediate disqualification. " Sue gave the book to Will, flapping on her belly.
Will: Hey!
Sue: So what?
Figgins: Calm down I said! Calm down. I'm sorry, Shue. I can not ignore that.
Will: They have not been paid!
Sue: There's a pile of mattresses in the room as high as the pile of bottles of gel in the garbage in front of you!
Will: We'll make them!
Figgins: One of the mattress was used. We can not make a used mattress.We can not even give it away. Lice, bugs ... I checked on the net!
Sue: You need a soiled mattress in your office? The redhead and you've become so depraved that you make your vile adulterous acts between courses?
Will: (At end of force to try to defend themselves) Very good. I slept here, daccord?
Figgins: Pardon?
Will: (Sits) I think my wife to leave.
Sue: I have not seen this one coming.
Figgins: William, I'm sorry about your personal problems but my hands are tied. Sue is right, you cheated. I can not fight the school council. I'm sorry, the choir, it's over.
Sue: (Squatting next to Will) It's over!
Scene 25: Office of Sue - Sue Quinn Sue wrote on his paper "Victory".
Sue (Voiceover): Dear Diary, I finally beat Will Schuester and I got rid of the choir. It is a day infamous. Once again, I won! Quinn enters the office, dressed in light of pom-poms.
Quinn: Ms. Sylvester.
Sue: It looks like a p0rn star dressed as a nun.
Quinn: I wanted to show you that I will again. My belly is not so round, as if I had eaten well.
Sue: Take that off. Listens to me. You're pregnant. You'll never be a cheerleader. Endpoint.
Quinn: Hypocrite.
Sue: Sorry?
Quinn: You sabotaged the choir for a mattress when you offer a lot of things with pom-poms. Shoes, self tanning, hair cuts. The bilets to Cedar Point. We put them on eBay. For money. If Figgins found out, you would be excluded from the competition.
Sue: Very good. You can become cheerleader. You'll be cleaning chore and I'll put at the bottom for the photo.
Quinn: I have not finished. The choir will be entitled to a full page.
Sue: I can not help it.
Quinn: You will leave one of the six pages of pom-poms and you will give to the choir. Free.
Sue: You know Quinn, I had forgotten just how ruthless you are. As a young Sue Sylvester. Now, get out of my office. (Quinn is heading towards the exit) If you arrive to get out without losing the waters on my new carpet.
Quinn: (Pausing) Well, I have no desire to become cheerleader. I want to be in a team of hypocrites. I prefer being in a band that is proud of me, as the choir. Quinn goes.
Scene 26: Office of Emma - Will, Emma Will, desperate, talks with Emma.
Will: It's my fault. If I had not slept there, we could make it and forget it.
Emma: I can give you some advice?
Will: Please.
Emma: You must decompressed. We must. You will find a solution, as always. But here, you need to focus on your own life. A divorce is not nothing.
Will: Who said anything about a divorce?
Emma: I'm sorry. I assumed ...
Will: That's what you do?
Emma: When I learned that Terri had made, I thought she should be punished. Then I have reflected, I thought that I would have done if I was losing you.
Will: You would never have been so cruel.
Emma: She has done wrong but ... I understand completely. You are precious, Will.
Scene 27: Classroom - The New Directions and Will The New Directions met beside the piano.
Artie: We want to go to Selections without you.
Will: It's that or nothing. It is I who have slept on the mattress, which means that I accepted the gift, not you. I'm disqualified, not you.
Puck: He sacrificed himself for us. Courageous.
Will: We worked very hard, you should try your luck.
Finn: We succeed without you. Maybe not even with you.
Will: That's not true. You are good. Even very good. You made "Jump" for the ad, without me. Listen, the best teachers do not give answers, they show you the way and let you make your choices, your own mistakes.Thus, the glory you will return. You deserve it. If you can not win without me is that I did my job poorly.
Rachel: We're very sorry, Mr. Shue.
Will: I know. Put on your 31 and be proud of this photo. I want to see a smile on your faces. (Voiceover) The choir sings "Smile" (Charlie Chaplin).
Scene 28: Toilet Girls - Girls of the choir Rachel, Tina, Mercedes, Santana, Brittany and Quinn are preparing for the photo. They wear makeup, their hair, dress, ... Quinn get out of the toilet, dressed in a robe. She left the cheerleader uniform hanging on the door.
Scene 29: Toilet Boys - Boys Choir Like girls, Kurt, Artie, Matt, Mike Finn and Puck is also preparing for the photo. They wear, is being stepped up, dress, ...
Scene 30: Office of Will - Will Will puts his tie and takes his jacket. He goes to shoot.
Scene 31: Room photography - Photographer, his assistant, Will, Emma, Coach Tanaka, Sue Will sits on the chair, the photographer takes a picture. We see the photo album with Will on a page and Emma on the other. Then it settles into the chair and takes a picture. Coach Tanaka, does the same and sits down to take a picture. It reviews the photo album, this time with Coach Tanaka on a page and Sue on the other. Then, Sue is also photographed by the photographer.
Scene 32: Corridor - Will From outside the room, Will observes the New Directions will have their picture taken. He smiled as he is proud of them, then leaves. We see members of the choir, all happy to have taken a group photo.
Scene 33: Library - Karofsky, Azimio, members of the football team Members of the football teams taguent the photo of the choir. | Plan: A: the school; Q: Where does Will spend a night after Terri walks out on him? A: the school yearbook; Q: What is the glee club left out of? A: a local mattress commercial; Q: What does Rachel have the glee club members cast in? A: their social status; Q: What does Rachel want to raise by having the glee club members cast in a mattress commercial? A: The team; Q: Who is paid in mattresses? A: its amateur status; Q: What would the glee club lose if it was discovered that they were paid in mattresses? A: Sectionals; Q: What competition is Will barred from participating in because of his mattress use? A: Terri; Q: Who did Will discover was lying to him about being pregnant? A: club director; Q: What position does Will step down from after he discovers Terri's pregnancy? A: his marriage; Q: Will is undecided about ending what? A: their wedding; Q: What do Emma and Ken schedule for the same day as Sectionals? Summary: When the glee club is left out of the school yearbook, Rachel has the club members cast in a local mattress commercial in an attempt to raise their social status. The team is paid in mattresses which, if it became known, would revoke its amateur status and render it ineligible to compete at Sectionals. Will discovers that Terri has been lying to him about being pregnant and walks out on her. He spends a night at the school using one of the mattresses, which bars him from participating in Sectionals. He steps down as club director so that the team remains eligible to compete. He remains undecided over whether to end his marriage, and Emma and Ken schedule their wedding for the same day as Sectionals. |
THE CAVES OF ANDROZANI
BY: ROBERT HOLMES
Part One
Running time: 24:33
[SCENE_BREAK]
PERI (OOV.): The tide's out.
DOCTOR (OOV.): Hmm?
PERI (OOV.): When you said sand, I thought maybe I could take a dip.
DOCTOR (OOV.): You're a little late, Peri. It's about a billion years since there was any sea on Androzani Minor.
PERI (OOV.): You're such a pain, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Come on. Well, well, well. The old place hasn't changed at all. Still nothing but sand.
PERI: Oh, wow! This place, Doctor, it's just unbelievable! Doctor, look!
DOCTOR: What?
PERI: Glass.
DOCTOR: Almost, anyway. It's fused silica. And I'm not a pain. Here's some more. Now, why would anyone come here?
PERI: Who said they have?
DOCTOR: These patches were fused by the rocket pads of a spacecraft. Too small for interstellar travel, so it obviously came from the twin planet of Androzani Major. The interesting question is, why?
PERI: Maybe someone wanted some sand to make some glass so they could blow a new vacuum tube for their reticular vector gauge.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Sarcasm is not your strong point, Peri. If I were you I'd stick. Ah-ha! What have we here?
PERI: Ah-ha? I'm looking. Why am I looking?
DOCTOR: A monoskid. You can see the deep furrow where it left the ship then the shallower one when it returned.
PERI: Or vice versa.
DOCTOR: No, no, no. You can see where the light track sometimes crosses the heavy one. So, someone came here with a heavily laden monoskid, unloaded it somewhere and then returned to the ship.
PERI: So you got a merit badge in tracking when you were a boy scout. I'm suitably impressed. Can we go now?
DOCTOR: Er, one moment. Looks as if the tracks lead to those caves over there.
PERI: Is this wise, I ask myself? Oh well.
DOCTOR: Ah, blow holes.
PERI: What?
DOCTOR: Now we're near you can see they're not caves, they're blow holes.
PERI: Well, same difference.
DOCTOR: Not to a speleologist. And not if you're stuck in one of those things at high tide.
PERI: High tide? I thought you said that
DOCTOR: It's a figure of speech. You see, the core of this planet is superheated primeval mud. When its orbit takes it close to Androzani Major, the gravitational pull
PERI: Oh, I get the picture. Mud baths for everyone. Well, it's a change from lava.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Presumably why the planet was never colonised. Androzani Major was becoming quite developed the last time I passed this way.
PERI: When was that?
DOCTOR: I don't remember. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the future.
PERI: You're a very confusing person to be with, Doctor, you know that?
DOCTOR: I tried keeping a diary once. Not chronological, of course, but the trouble with time travel is one never seems to find the time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
PERI: Where's the light coming from?
DOCTOR: Hmm? Oh, natural phosphorescence. There's a crystalline material in these walls. It's polished smooth as glass.
PERI: Which reminds me why we came here, and it wasn't to go Argh!
DOCTOR: Be careful not to slip. Oh.
DOCTOR: Keep still. All right, give me your hand. Come on, up.
PERI: It's horrid. What is it?
DOCTOR: It's not edible, by the smell of it. It's probably quite harmless.
PERI: It's stinging.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, don't fall into any more, hmm?
PERI: Doctor, why do you wear a stick of celery in your lapel?
DOCTOR: Does it offend you?
PERI: No, I'm just curious.
DOCTOR: Safety precaution. I'm allergic to certain gases in the praxis range of the spectrum.
PERI: How does the celery help?
DOCTOR: If the gas is present, the celery turns purple.
PERI: And then what do you do?
DOCTOR: I eat the celery. If nothing else, I'm sure it's good for my teeth.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KRELPER: The dummies should have been here yesterday.
STOTZ: The last time we made a drop, we had to wait three days. So what? It sure beats picking chacaws.
KRELPER: Chacaws. I don't pick chacaws, Stotz. I've never been confined, and you know why? Cos I'm smart.
STOTZ: You, smart? Krelper, the wind whistles through your ears.
KRELPER: Yeah?
STOTZ: Someone's coming.
KRELPER: Should be the droids. Come on, belt plates.
STOTZ: Krelper, it could also be the army. Let's move out of here.
KRELPER: Come on!
PERI: End of trail.
DOCTOR: Gas carbines.
PERI: Bombs.
DOCTOR: Poison volatisers. Nasty little objects, aren't they. There are enough hand weapons here to equip a small army.
PERI: What do you make of it? You said nobody lives here.
DOCTOR: I was wrong. This dice is still warm.
PERI: Listen.
DOCTOR: Boots coming this way. Quickly, over here.
PERI: Now what do we do?
DOCTOR: Surrender.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHELLAK: Yes?
SALATEEN: A message from Captain Rones, sir. His men have just taken two gun runners.
CHELLAK: Good. Good. That's excellent. Well done Rones, eh? He's B group, I think.
SALATEEN: Yes, sir.
CHELLAK: High time we had some success. Did they resist?
SALATEEN: Apparently not. The patrol also captured a dump of gas weapons.
CHELLAK: Gas?
SALATEEN: Rones suspects there are other runners in the area. He wants to know if he should set up an ambush.
CHELLAK: I think it's more important we should seize these weapons, Major Salateen.
SALATEEN: Very good, sir.
CHELLAK: If Sharaz Jek gets his hands on gas weapons, we'll be in a devil of a stew. Could pin our fellows down for weeks.
SALATEEN: We have gas suits in the stores, General.
CHELLAK: A bad design. I've always said so. A few hours in one of those things, you start to cook. Still, better have them checked ready for issue.
SALATEEN: It's being done, sir.
CHELLAK: Ahead of me as usual, eh, Salateen. What about these prisoners?
[SCENE_BREAK]
TIMMIN: Yes, sir?
MORGUS: Timmin, copper output has risen by thirteen percent. That should not have occurred.
TIMMIN: Head of Minerals sent out a limiting order last month, sir.
MORGUS: Too little, too late. Tell him to fly out immediately to our Northcawl mine. I want a feasibility study on the possibility of closure.
TIMMIN: Yes, sir.
MORGUS: That is all, Krau.
TIMMIN: There has been a message from General Chellak, sir.
MORGUS: Yes?
TIMMIN: The General wishes to inform you that his men have captured two gun runners and intercepted an arms delivery to the android rebels.
MORGUS: Ah, taken two runners alive? Get me Chellak on vision.
TIMMIN: Yes, sir.
MORGUS: The spineless cretins.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOTZ: They're beginning to move the stuff out. Now men, if we double round, we can cut them off here.
KRELPER: How many?
STOTZ: Ten, maybe a dozen. Come on, let's fumigate some squaddies.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHELLAK: The survey team were charting Blue level, weren't they? Did anyone see anything?
SALATEEN: Apparently not, sir. They heard Trooper Boze cry out and ran back, but it was like the others. The thing hadn't left much of him.
CHELLAK: That's five men now. Always on Blue level. If we had the time and the manpower, I'd send a squad down there to find it and destroy it.
SALATEEN: Nice trophy for the mess, sir.
CHELLAK: Yes.
TROOPER: Stand there.
DOCTOR: Couldn't we have a chair? It's been a rather strenuous day.
CHELLAK: You will stand there until I've finished with you, and when you address me, you will call me sir.
DOCTOR: May I ask who you are, sir?
CHELLAK: I am General Chellak, Commander of all Federal forces on this planet.
DOCTOR: Well done, sir. I suppose you started in the ranks.
CHELLAK: Under emergency regulations, anyone caught supplying arms to the android rebels faces summary execution.
PERI: But, but, we weren't supplying arms. We were, well, we just found them.
DOCTOR: Sir.
PERI: Sir.
CHELLAK: If you cooperate, I'm prepared to extend clemency. If you don't cooperate, you'll be shot. Is that clear?
DOCTOR: Couldn't put it more plainly. Exactly how do we cooperate?
PERI: Sir.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
CHELLAK: Do not provoke me.
DOCTOR: Sorry.
CHELLAK: I want to know your names and the names of your confederates. I want full details of all armaments deliveries, where and how they are brought in, who supplies them back on Major, and what your communication arrangements are with Sharaz Jek.
DOCTOR: Well, I am generally known as the Doctor. My young friend here is known as Peri, that is, Perpegillium Brown.
CHELLAK: Don't waste my time.
DOCTOR: You know, if we could just sit down and talk about this little misunderstanding in a civilised manner. My young friend here has been complaining of pains in her legs. You can see for yourself she's suffering from some sort of urticaria.
CHELLAK: Silence.
DOCTOR: Come to that, I don't feel too well myself.
CHELLAK: Yes?
TROOPER (OOV.): Signals, sir. Trau Morgus is on Vid. He wants to speak to you immediately, General.
CHELLAK: I'll take it. Put them in there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
PERI: I don't think he likes us very much.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MORGUS: Take my private lift and make sure you're not seen on the way out. Remember, I want the operation at Northcawl to be completed by the morning.
MAN: Yes, Trau.
MORGUS: The gun runners. What information have you obtained?
CHELLAK (on screen): Nothing as yet, only their names, sir.
MORGUS: What are their names?
CHELLAK (on screen): One calls himself the Doctor, the girl's name is Peri.
MORGUS: A girl? Bring them to the screen.
CHELLAK (on screen): I've only just begun the interrogation. I hope to get enough out of these two to be able to round up the rest of the gang.
MORGUS: I hope so too, General, for your sake. Your operation so far has been a dismal failure.
CHELLAK (on screen): With respect, sir, I don't believe you fully understand the difficulty of the conditions here.
MORGUS: All I understand is you're supposed to be trained soldiers, and yet one renegade and a handful of mindless androids has been dancing rings round you for six months.
CHELLAK (on screen): I might remind you we captured the Spectrox refinery in our first assault.
MORGUS: And allowed Sharaz Jek to spirit away the entire stockpile from under our noses. I warn you, General. People here are in no mood to tolerate your blundering much longer.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHELLAK (OOV.): I will not accept criticism from a civilian, no matter how rich and powerful he is. The captives are here.
DOCTOR (OOV.): Tempers getting a little frayed, are they?
MORGUS (on monitor): Obviously you are the one who calls himself the Doctor.
DOCTOR (on monitor): And you are?
MORGUS (on monitor): Chief Director of the Sirius Conglomerate.
JEK: Beautiful.
DOCTOR (on monitor): And we are to address you as sir?
[SCENE_BREAK]
MORGUS: Better if you do not address me at all. I merely wish to inspect you, to see the kind of creatures capable of betraying the golden vision of our glorious pioneers. Already I feel contaminated. Get rid of them.
MORGUS: You have done well, General. I apologise if my earlier remarks seemed intemperate. It's just the frustration I feel here when I long to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. All right minded people feel the same. And so to boost morale, I will arrange for the execution.
CHELLAK (on screen): But I've already told them their lives will be spared if they collaborate.
MORGUS: No collaboration, General. No deals with traitors. The public will not stand for it.
CHELLAK (on screen): If they're shot out of hand, we lose the chance of valuable information.
MORGUS: That may be true, but it is not of prime importance. These people are the lowest type of human being. One only has to look at them to realise the extent of their depravity. Get rid of them, General.
MORGUS: And we shall all feel a lot better.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KRELPER: Here they come.
STOTZ: Masks.
STOTZ: Now!
STOTZ: Quick. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHELLAK: You heard Morgus. He wants you executed.
PERI: That's barbaric.
DOCTOR: You take orders from a civilian? Weren't you telling us you command Federal forces here?
CHELLAK: I could appeal the order, but it'd be pointless. Morgus has the Praesidium in his pocket.
DOCTOR: We're quite innocent, you know. This is all a mistake.
CHELLAK: Yes, I think I'm beginning to believe you, Doctor, but in times of war the innocent die too.
PERI: Is that all you can say? We're about to be killed
SALATEEN: Message from Captain Rones, sir. His men are under gas attack.
CHELLAK: Where?
SALATEEN: They were ambushed in the narrows.
CHELLAK: That's barely six hundred metres from here! Muster HQ platoon.
SALATEEN: They're falling in now, sir.
CHELLAK: I'll take them out. These two, detention cells, and get them ready for execution.
SALATEEN: You have heard of death under the red cloth?
DOCTOR: Afraid not.
SALATEEN: It is a military procedure. After death, your bodies are taken to the Field Cremation Unit. Your ashes are wrapped in the red cloth of execution and will be disposed of according to your directions.
DOCTOR: Doesn't sound any more enticing than any other form of death.
SALATEEN: Place these two in detention.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MORGUS: I think I have made the right decision. I only wish the execution could be made public.
TIMMIN: That is impossible, sir.
MORGUS: I know, but think of the prestige it would bring the Conglomerate. To witness the punishment of wrong-doers is excellent moral reinforcement, don't you agree?
TIMMIN: Oh yes, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MORGUS: Now, what else is there?
TIMMIN: The President is coming to see you at five, Trau Morgus.
MORGUS: Ah, yes. Take ten centilitres of Spectrox from my private stock. Even his Excellency cannot expect more than ten centilitres in these difficult times.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOTZ: Right, men, move it!
STOTZ: Quick, come on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHELLAK: Every last man. They killed the whole patrol. Check the other areas are free of gas and get the stretcher parties down here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: There was something very funny about that Major.
PERI: Didn't make me laugh.
DOCTOR: Chellak said they were fighting android rebels.
PERI: Who cares who they're fighting. We seem to be the fall guys.
DOCTOR: Yes, do try and speak English, Peri, hmm?
PERI: Doctor, we've got about an hour to live. That Morgus wants us dead.
DOCTOR: Yes, that's another odd thing. He had us paraded up and down in front of him, then once he'd seen us he seemed to lose all interest. I find that rather insulting.
PERI: I can take an insult. I, I just don't want to be shot. Doctor, what are we going to do?
DOCTOR: I've really no idea. I'm sorry I got you into this, Peri.
PERI: It's all right. It wasn't your fault. I mean, it's as much my fault as yours.
DOCTOR: Yes, I should never have followed those tracks. Curiosity's always been my downfall. How's your rash, by the way?
PERI: It seems to be coming out in blisters now.
DOCTOR: Me too. That fungus obviously had some very toxic properties.
PERI: Well, I don't suppose we'll die of it inside the next hour.
PERI: Anything interesting?
DOCTOR: No. It's like a graveyard.
[SCENE_BREAK]
JEK: Base defence group numbers four and nine, report to me. That is all.
JEK: Stotz must have had a good day.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Morgus said that Spectrox was the most valuable substance in the universe. I wonder what it can be?
PERI: I thought you knew everything.
DOCTOR: Ah, not quite. It's going to worry me until I find out what it is.
PERI: I don't think you need worry for very long. They seem to be about ready for us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
PRESIDENT: Ah. Morgus, I can't thank you enough.
MORGUS: My pleasure, Trau President. How much do you take?
PRESIDENT: My apothecary recommends point three of a centilitre per day. I've been without for three weeks now and have begun to feel my age.
MORGUS: It is a wonderful restorative.
PRESIDENT: The greatest boon ever bestowed on humanity, offering us at least twice normal lifespan. Would you think I was eighty four?
MORGUS: Fifty, at the most.
PRESIDENT: Quite. That is why this war must be brought to a conclusion soon, Morgus, one way or another.
MORGUS: There is only one honourable way, sir. Sharaz Jek must be crushed.
PRESIDENT: Of course. But our forces are making such poor progress and meanwhile people here are clamouring for supplies of Spectrox to be resumed. It's understandable.
MORGUS: That is the razor's edge Jek is holding to our throats, but we cannot accede to criminal blackmail.
PRESIDENT: My dear Morgus, I agree entirely, but we are forced to see the matter from different viewpoints.
MORGUS: Patriotism is the only viewpoint.
PRESIDENT: A businessman's patriotism may differ from that of a politician. I am forced to take account of the mood of the people, and it is becoming ugly. Whereas you need only take account of a balance sheet, which since the market value of Spectrox has risen so astronomically, must look much healthier now than it did at the start of this conflict.
MORGUS: My Conglomerate is contributing handsomely towards the cost of operation on Androzani Minor.
PRESIDENT: Yes, the Praesidium is duly grateful, but as your Conglomerate owns that planet, it is perhaps no more than might be expected.
MORGUS: Trau President, am I to understand the Praesidium is considering ending the war, offering Sharaz Jek an armistice?
PRESIDENT: Not immediately. However, if the military stalemate continues. The public want their Spectrox, Morgus.
MORGUS: Yes? What is it?
TIMMIN: The execution, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SALATEEN: Are you ready?
[SCENE_BREAK]
PRESIDENT: The red cloth? It's disgraceful.
MORGUS: It is a military execution, sir.
PRESIDENT: In my day we had filthy little swine like that shot in the back. The red cloth was for soldiers.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHELLAK: Have you a last declaration?
DOCTOR: Nothing special. We're innocent, we've had no trial, we've had no opportunity to defend ourselves. In short, this is a mockery of justice.
CHELLAK: Do you have any last declaration?
PERI: Just get on with it.
CHELLAK: Firing squad. Firing position. Take aim. Fire! | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who is mistaken for a gun runner and sentenced to death? A: Androzani; Q: What is the name of the twin planets that the Doctor lands on? A: gun runners; Q: What are the Doctor and Peri mistaken for? Summary: The Doctor lands on one of the twin planets of Androzani where he along with Peri are mistaken for gun runners and sentenced to death. |
Erin: [to Gabe] They caught the Scranton Stranger, they trapped him in his house. [run to conference room, everyone is watching the news on a monitor]
Reporter: Police have now surrounded the apartment complex.
Michael: [whispering to Pam] They have him surrounded. It's the SWAT. The SWAT's arriving.
Reporter: It is unknown if he is armed with anything.
Kevin: They should do that thing where they play the really good music to get him to come out.
Dwight: [sighs] They shouldn't televise any of this, it just encourages copy-cats.
Angela: Just say copies, why do you have to drag cats into this.
Gabe: Okay, while this is interesting we should get back to work. These stand-offs can last a long time. What if it's another Waco.
Erin: It's pronounced wacko.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: Some events are so news worthy, so historic, that you have to stop everything to watch. Balloon Boy, Michael Jackson's funeral. Things that if you didn't see them live, you wouldn't really care that you didn't see them at all.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kelly: Columbia Street in Washington Ave! When is he gonna come out? [phone rings, Kelly answers and hangs up]
Andy: I bet he's wishing he had a hybrid, right? Sixty miles to the gallon in the city.
Kevin: No! I bet he's wishing he was strangling someone!
Michael: Ok, that's our street! That's our street! He's going down our street! [runs out of conference room.] Come on everybody! [all quickly follow]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [on sidewalk] There it is! I saw it! I saw it! He went right by! You missed it! [all groan]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [collecting pebbles off the street into a jar] Grandpa, where were you the day the the Scranton Strangler was caught? [old man voice] Well kiddo, I was there. I was there... And I'll tell you what. [shakes jar of pebbles] You go sell these and buy yourself a nice spaceship.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: Michael!
Michael: Walk with me.
Erin: Gabe and I are having a party, and everyone's invited, and it's at his house apartment and we're gonna watch Glee.
Michael: [obviously faking being serious the whole time] Glee? What is Glee, some television program? Jim I need that thing stat!
Jim: [confused] Okay?
Erin: Yeah it's a TV show...
Michael: Dwight! Sign please. I don't have time for parties I don't have time for TV shows. Stanley! What time is that thing I have to do?
Stanley: I...
Michael: Cancel it! Are you still here? [to Erin]
Erin: Uhh. It's just that it's our first party together so...
Michael: MMM MMM MM MM MM! Did you hear what I said? I'm a very busy man. I don't have time for your TV show.
Erin: [sad] Okay, sorry.
Michael: I'm joking.
Erin: Wait which one?
Michael: I'm joking. I'm kidding around! I'm not actually angry. [Erin laughs] I'm not busy at all, I'm not doing anything. And I know what Glee is, I'm a total Gleek.
Erin: Good me too!
Michael: You know who my favorite character is? The invalid. [Jim makes a face] I am coming to your party.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: I don't know if Michael likes Gabe that much, but there's this thing on Glee called mash-up, where two things that don't go together, make one great song. Take Gabe, take Michael, you make Gay Mike. Best friends.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kelly: [reacting to Erin's invitation] No really? Is there time to change this?! That show! Now first they say that Mr. Schu doesn't know anything about choreography, then like three episodes later he's this fantastic choreographer?! Pick a lane people!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kelly: And what was with Jesse's sudden turn on Rachel, between Dream-On and Funk. Where the heck did that come from?! Honestly that show, it's just. It's irresponsible.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Angela: Are you going? [to Dwight]
Dwight: Not because I want to. With all the feeling to base a show around. Glee? Thirst. Now that's a show I'd watch.
Angela: I would watch that.
Dwight: Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: [to Erin] You're having a party at Gabe's apartment?
Erin: Mhmm! I'd love it if you were there.
Andy: You would?
Erin: You and Michael are always the life of the party!
Andy: Try and keep me from coming!
Erin: Why would I keep you from coming?
Andy: Try and hide it, I will track this party down!
Erin: Why would I hide it! [giggling]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Kevin!
Kevin: Hey, you going tonight?
Michael: Yes, I am. Are you?
Kevin: Yeah! You gotta go to the boss's party!
Michael: What? No Gabe is... Gabe is not the boss.
Kevin: No he's not the boss.
Michael: Why did you just say he was the boss?
Kevin: 'Cause, you're the boss!
Michael: Yeeee... Guys! Do you consider Gabe to be the boss?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: [to Michael at Gabe's apartment] It's make your own pizza night. Isn't Gabe's place so nice?
Michael: Uh huh...
Erin: Look at the size of those wine glasses Michael!
Michael: Big...
Erin: Those posters used to be real French ads.
Michael: All right!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gabe: So these are your cheeses, your ham, your sausages, your herbs, and your vegetables. Here's what's been done, so start creating. Some times it helps to think of a part of the world, and...
Michael: [interrupting] Okay okay okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Gabe likes to entertain a lot, ad he cooks in an oven, and all that jazz. I just have a different life style. They have these bags of vegetables that steam right inside their own bag. So I'll get a few ingredients, sit down in front of the TV, a bag of vegetables, before you know it I'm ready for bed!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [tossing pizza dough in the air]
Gabe: You don't really toss the dough.
Michael: Try and destroy the old ways, Gabe, well I will not let you. [throws pizza dough, hits the ceiling]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gabe: [walking with Jim and Pam] Welcome to my Man Cave! I did my senior year in prog in Japan. Best year of my life.
Jim: You play? [referring to keyboard]
Gabe: Oh! I like to play soundscapes. I imagine one instant of a song, expanded to be the size of the universe.
Jim: You can't even do that.
Cece: [crying]
Pam: She's up! Great!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Cece, is reverse cycling, which means she sleeps all day and is up all night. Which basically means I'm up all day and I'm up all night. And if it doesn't stop soon, I am going to be up all night.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: [peeking into various rooms] The show's starting. The show's starting! The show's starting! Show's starting! [Glee begins as all get nearby to watch]
Phyllis: [to Kelly] Who's that?
Kelly: Finn.
Phyllis: Who's that?
Kelly: Rachel.
Phyllis: Which one's Glee?
Kelly: You have to stop.
Michael: Where's Michael? Where's Michael? We can't start without Michael! Oh here he is! Ohhhh. Yayyy, and let the show begin! [turning up volume]
Gabe: [takes remote] It's a little loud...
Michael: Actually I think it's not loud enough. May I? Thank you sah! [takes remote, raises volume] There we go. Glee right? Rock and roll! Turn it up to elevaan! Spinal Cord!
Gabe: [lowers volum] Some of us are trying to have a conversation.
Michael: Well some of us are trying to have a...
Gabe: I'll just turn the captions on.
Michael: [grabs different remote from the table] Well I will turn up the volume.
Gabe: That's for the other box.
Michael: Okay... Heeeere's what we're gonna do! Right down the hall is a bed room. All the real Glee fans are gonna go down the hall to the real Glee party in the bedroom, follow me! Where we can crank it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Oscar: [noise on TV, Oscar pauses show] That one! She's been in a couple episodes of Friday Night...
Kelly: You know what? I'm so confused. Is this a Glee watching party? Or a Glee pausing party? 'Cause we keep stopping it, to get a history lesson from...
Oscar: You know what? I didn't read the rules, I didn't know the rules. There, it's on. I didn't read the rule book.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: [enters on Michael alone sitting on a bed watching Glee] Michael? Maybe you should try gong in the other room again. You can have my seat. It's closer to the TV. It'll seem louder.
Michael: Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work. If I ever start acting like that weenie Gabe I want you to take that gun, and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin until I'm dead. Okay?
Pam: You have a gun in your desk?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: [in Gabe's bedroom with Andy] Hey! Marantz Tubes Sterio. From the 1970's. I respect that. I respect that a lot. Oh hoho. The five Chinese Berilidy Herbs. No kidding. This is powdered seahorse. They say that fifteen Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Gangus Kong just using this stuff. You know what they say...
Andy: No what?
Ryan: What is this, Samurai wood cuts? Yep. Pretty erotic.
Andy: Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [Pam in the background struggling with Cece] Better men than Gabe have tried to be my boss. David got fired. Charles got fired. Jan went crazy. Ed Truck, who I liked, got decapitated.
Dwight: Michael, I find it absolutely disgraceful that no one followed you in here for your walk-out. I took the liberty of making a list of everyone who didn't follow you in here. Jim. Oscar. Creed. Me, at first.
Pam: Maybe I should go.
Dwight: [continuing] Kelly. Kev- [to Pam] Are you gonna quiet that baby? Or do I have to? [Dwight grabs Cece and makes noises, Cece stops crying] In the Schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daryl: [to Andy] Take a shot.
Andy: Oh thanks.
Daryl: Wow, so much Asia stuff. I wonder if there's a guy in China right now, looking at a bunch of our stuff.
Andy: Why does Erin like Gabe?
Daryl: Andy look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters... I'd choose you.
Andy: That's really nice, thank you.
Daryl: And I'd blow your mind.
Andy: [pours powdered seahorse into his wine glass]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: [changes channel during commercial, sports scores appear on screen.]
Oscar: Jim what are you doing?
Jim: Oh, it was commercial break so I just wanted to check the scores.
Oscar: Flip it back please.
Jim: Okay... [changes back to Glee]
Kelly: The show's back on, what happened?
Ryan: We're behind.
Oscar: Go to the recorded version.
Kelly: Oh my God what song was that?
Erin: I wasn't recording it.
Oscar: What?!
Kelly: [texting] What song was it?
Erin: Wait, why do you have to record it?
Oscar: This is why Erin! We're living it! Start recording now!
Erin: Jim. [Jim gives her the remote]
Kelly: Okay, they did Blinded by the Light and they did it with an actual blind guy. Was it worth it Jim? [Jim leaves] 'Cause we missed it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: If I could get her sleeping normally I could get my life back.
Dwight: That would be nice wouldn't it?
Pam: I can't even talk about it.
Dwight: You know it's not really necessary for me to sit here holding her all night. Just go into Gabe's refrigerator, get a lump of suit, or any kind of congealed animal fat will do rally, tie a piece of string to it and the other end to her toe, put the suit in her mouth, she'll be happy for hours.
Pam: I kind of doubt Gabe has suit.
Dwight: Really? Oh... Then here we are.
Erin: Michael. Gabe is making the pigs in a blanket, and he kind of needs some [Dwight shushes her] help so, [Erin whispering] he was wondering if you could help him. [Michael goes with Erin]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: [enters room where Phyllis is pouring wine, using stadium announcer voice] Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, Phyllis Vance! [sniffs her] Isn't that White Diamonds Maya Smith Taylor?
Phyllis: You know your perfumes!
Andy: My nanny used to wear that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: I just ate powdered seahorse! I have to admit I did not think it was gonna work, but it is totally working! [clip of him doing pull ups in Gabe's doorway] I feel exactly like a seahorse! [Seahorse impression] Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: Look who I found! [points to Michael]
Michael: Yeah, well I wasn't very hard to find.
Gabe: Let's go ahead and wash our hands.
Michael: Is this the same dough you used for the pizza crust?
Gabe: Yep! Waste not right?
Michael: So these are pizza dogs, they aren't pigs in a blanket per se.
Erin: Michael knows everything there is to know about snacks,
Michael: Well...
Erin: Gabe was born in 1982. He was the longest baby in the hospital.
Michael: He's the longest baby in this room.
Erin: What's the longest thing you've ever seen? [Michael chuckles] For me it was the tale from Jets.
Gabe: Erin you don't have to...
Michael: You know what Erin you do have to.
Gabe: Michael! You are making this harder than it has to be.
Michael: [grimacing] That's what she said. [leaves]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: [whispering] Hey.
Pam: It's a miracle. She loves him.
Jim: I don't know about, love...
Dwight: She loves me.
Angela: [whispers in Dwight's ear] Outside my car in two minutes.
Dwight: Well something's come up, I have to go.
Pam: No no no no no! She'll wake up!
Dwight: I have something to do.
Pam: Look, I know what you have to do, please stay with Cece. Dwight? I've always considered for us to be very good friends. Great friends! Remember your concussion?
Dwight: I do. But you married my worst enemy.
Jim: Well I think enemy's a strong word. 'Cause I think we have a really charming back and forth. And-
Dwight: Enough. I will require beer and pizza to think this over.
Pam: Absolutely! [starts out]
Dwight: From Jim.
Jim: I don't think that's gonna...
Pam: Do it!
Jim: What kind of pizza would you like?
Dwight: Surprise me. No! Pepperoni.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [outside opening Gabe's cable hookup box] Okay... Alright.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TV: And the winner is, by two votes- [TV goes blank]
Kelly: Ahhh! What's going on?!?!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: [muttering going on all around, Andy looks sick] Hey Creed, would you read Chinese?
Creed: Beleniege!
Andy: What does this say?
Creed: HI mahhhh. Boo yowww. Gunjo! Ooh uncow!
Andy: [confused, rushes out of the room to the room Erin's in, picks up phone, talking fast] Hello UPS! Still waiting on that five minutes with Erin order. Oh never mind it's here. Oh if it isn't the bell of the ball! [queasily] You throw a lovely party ma lady...
Erin: [concerned] Are you having a good time?
Andy: Did you wear my favorite outfit on purpose?
Erin: Andy you look awful!
Andy: You're four seasons in a day. [heaves] You... got the Autumn thing going on. But if you put on ba- [heaves again] Put if you put on a blue... [stops, is struggling] It's Spring Time in the Rockies!
Erin: Are you alright?
Andy: No! [runs off]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: [referring to the pizza Jim is offering him] Insert it in my mouth.
Jim: That's not gonna make your pizza eating experience any better. Trust me.
Dwight: No, try me.
Pam: Jim, just don't think of it as degrading. Think of it as, you happen to be moving the six inches his way and he happens to be biting it.
Dwight: I'd prefer for him to think of it as degrading.
Jim: Okay... [puts pizza into Dwight's mouth]
Dwight: No. Crust first. [Jim turns the pizza around] Okay, now the beer. [Jim shakes his head no] Beer me Jim. [Jim quickly puts the beer into his face] Ssss. Gentle. [drinks the beer] Now I've gotta go meet Angela.
Pam: What no, wait! You said you were gonna help us!
Dwight: I have a legal obligation to Angela. Okay, she needs to be serviced.
Jim: You need to stop talking.
Dwight: Oh come on, stop the fake prissy act. We're in the real world. s*x contracts exist!
Pam: Okay fine! There must be some way to get out of it. Even just for tonight!
Dwight: Yeah sure, Jim could go see her.
Jim: [unbelievingly] Okay...
Dwight: You ever been with the blondes before? It's the big leagues.
Jim: I'm going home, and I'm taking my baby with me.
Pam: No no no, don't. I will go talk to Angela.
Dwight: She's in heat. She will eat your face off!
Pam: The reverse cycling ends tonight! [Pam leaves]
Dwight: [to Jim] A single piece of pepperoni please.
Jim: I'm not gonna- [cuts himself off, Kevin walks in]
Dwight: What are you doing?
Kevin: [getting under the bed covers] I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: [throws up on bed] Puts pillow in front of the puke.
Phyllis: Are you alright?
Andy: Erin likes Gabe.
Phyllis: I know. I thought you two were nice together.
Andy: Do you think that they've ever...
Phyllis: Made love? I don't know.
Andy: Well girls tell each other things right?
Phyllis: I'll see what I can find out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daryl: [Michael walks into disarray of people's reactions to the TV going out] Where you been?
Michael: I just went out for a walk.
Daryl: Cable's out.
Michael: What? Really? That stinks!
Gabe: It's still on upstairs.
Michael: What does that mean? Party's over? Everybody leaves? Are you sure?
Creed: [receiving message on his phone] Hey! Puck and Finn worked it out, and the solo is now a duet.
Michael: Are you kidding me?
Creed: No.
Michael: Now that's going on?
Kevin: I can't believe we're missing that!
Michael: Boy I wish I could see that. You know what? I have an idea. I don't know if it's gonna work, but let me give it this. Okay, I'm gonna give it shot. [hurries out]
Kevin: Please Michael, just make the Glee happen!
Kelly: Good luck Michael!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Phyllis: Erin! Uhm, so how long have you two been going out now?
Erin: Oh, uhm, like three months.
Phyllis: And I imagine things are starting to heat up?
Erin: I don't know.
Phyllis: Of course you don't wanna rush things! I mean the anticipation can be so exquisite. Bob and I took our time. The first time we saw each other naked we didn't even make love, we just stared at each other until we fell asleep. It was magical.
Erin: [awkwardly] I have to go Phyllis.
Phyllis: Magical...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: [knocking on Angela's car window, Angela is naked inside] Hey in there. It's Pam. It's not Dwight! Don't think it's Dwight!
Angela: What are you doing here?
Pam: I know you and Dwight have this weird deal, uhm, he sent me out here to see if you could postpone.
Angela: Are you authorized to do this?
Pam: Yes! I have been so authorized.
Angela: Ok, uhm, then tell him that we'll do this tomorrow night instead.
Pam: Okay.
Angela: Wait Pam! How did he seem? Like, you know, did he seem disappointed?
Pam: You know, there are a lot of guys out there who would just love and appreciate a-
Angela: You know what Pam just save it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: [Michael is outside fixing the cable box] You did this?
Michael: No I was just check- Yeah. Yes I did, yeah yeah.
Erin: Why don't you like him?
Michael: What is there to like? He's just, he's a weird little skeevy guy with no waist, why do you care whether we like him or not?
Erin: I care if you like him.
Michael: Why? I'm not your father. [Erin looks sad] All right.
Erin: Okay...
Michael: Go to your room.
Erin: What? [confused]
Michael: Go to your room young lady!
Erin: [slowly getting it] Uhm, I'm not going to my room.
Michael: You listen to me. You listen good. You are are not, to see that boy, anymore.
Erin: You listen to me. You are not to tell me what to do.
Michael: As long as you are living under this roof you are going to do what I say.
Erin: I hate your roof!
Michael: Oh do not raise your voice to me!
Erin: I'll raise it how I want! I'll raise the roof!
Michael: Gahh, I will pull this car over!
Erin: I hate it! I hate your car!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gabe: See ya Oscar! [Oscar leaves]
Michael: [enters, looks to Gabe] If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart I will literally kill you and your entire family.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Gabe, just go and have fun with Erin. But not too much fun! That girl's gonna turn my hair gray.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gabe: [Andy is leaning over toilet] What happened?
Andy: I accidentally ate some seahorses.
Gabe: How much?
Andy: I didn't know it's powdered, so like four or five, I don't know.
Gabe: I've got just the thing! [leaves, comes back with a synthesizer] This one's called Earth Rise, on the Moon. [music plays]
Andy: That's so beautiful. | Plan: A: Erin; Q: Who invites the office to Gabe's house for a Glee viewing party? A: an attempt; Q: What is Erin's Glee viewing party to make Michael get along with Gabe? A: Michael; Q: Who tries to sabotage the party? A: their boss; Q: What do the office workers think of Gabe as? A: Andy; Q: Who is jealous of Gabe and Erin's relationship? A: extremes; Q: What does Andy do to impress Erin? A: Jim; Q: Who is displeased that Dwight helps Pam with Cece? A: Jim's chagrin; Q: What does Dwight's help cause? Summary: Erin invites the office over to Gabe's house for a Glee viewing party hosted by them as an attempt to make Michael get along with Gabe. Michael can't handle the fact that the office workers think of Gabe as their boss instead of him and tries to sabotage the party. Growing more jealous of Gabe and Erin's relationship, Andy goes to extremes in order to impress her. Dwight helps Pam with Cece, much to Jim's chagrin. |
Skyline: The full yellow moon rises over the skyline.
ACT ONE
Scene One - Restaurant Frasier is sat at a table in a crowded restaurant. Several waiting diners are standing around, glaring at him. His cell phone rings.
Frasier: Hello? Niles, you're forty minutes late! Listen, I've just finished my third basket of bread, and there is an angry mob breathing down my neck. What? Oh, you've torn your trouser cuff, I'm so sorry. For God's sakes, will you hurry it up! More hemming, less hawing! All right, I'll hold our table.
Roz comes in wearing a slinky evening dress, accompanied by her new boyfriend, Luke.
Frasier: Roz, Roz Doyle!
Roz: [to Luke] I'll be right back. [goes over to Frasier, nervous] Hi, Frasier. I'm on a date, please don't screw it up.
Frasier: No, I won't. Niles is running a little late, and I-I was just hoping maybe I could join you and your lucky chap for a drink while I wait for him?
Roz: I-I really don't think so, it's kind of a romantic evening, and-
Frasier: Roz, this crowd is starting to get ugly, would you please just let me come over there till Niles gets here, please?
Roz: Oh, all right! Come on.
Frasier: Thank you.
Roz goes to join Luke. As soon as Frasier moves, people start to look at his table. He hurriedly takes off his jacket, drapes it over his chair, and sweeps the room with the protective glare of a lioness guarding her cubs (that's how he would describe it, anyway).
He sits with Luke and Roz.
[N.B. Gary Cole appeared in "In The Line Of Fire" with John Mahoney.]
Frasier: Hi.
Roz: Luke Parker, Frasier Crane, he's joining us for a quick drink.
Luke: Oh, great! I've heard your show, nice to meet you.
Frasier: Oh, likewise. So, uh, well, how did you two kids meet?
Luke: Actually I just moved to Seattle a month ago. I live on a boat, and as I was pulling into the sloop, Roz was standing right there on the dock.
Frasier: Right there on the dock, you say? Well...
Roz: I do live next to the marina!
Frasier: Ah, yes, yes, yes. So Luke, you're a boat enthusiast?
Luke: You know anything about boats?
Frasier: Well actually, on my show I sometimes compare the human psyche to a sailboat that's borne along the surface of the conscious mind, while the deeper waters of the subconscious navigate the rudder.
Luke: So I guess the answer would be "no."
Frasier: Yes.
Roz's pager beeps.
Roz: Oh, my babysitter! I'll be right back.
Frasier: Right, of course.
Roz gets up and leaves the table.
Luke: So...
Frasier: So... you know, uh, actually I'm-I'm not a total stranger to the old H20. I did row Crew at Harvard.
Luke: I went to Harvard!
Frasier: Ah, Harvard. Mmm, God, those were the best years of my life. You know, there's nothing quite like that sense of accomplishment you get when they actually hand you that diploma, is there?
Luke: I dropped out.
Frasier: Well, you didn't miss much.
Luke: I just got frustrated reading about other people's experiences and never having any of my own. So I dropped out, I built my own boat, and sailed around the world. Yeah, sometimes there's more adventure than I bargained for. Like, uh, twenty-foot seas off the Hebrides, or the time pirates rammed my boat and robbed me at gunpoint.
Frasier: Oh yeah, those guys can be pretty rough.
Luke: Oh, you've had experience with pirates?
Frasier: No, I, uh, saw a special once on "60 Minutes." You know, you should really write down some of these stories.
Luke: Yeah, I've thought about it, but I'm not much of a writer.
Frasier: Oh, don't let that stop you. All you got to do is just get it down on paper, then sort it out later. You know, I'd be happy to lend a critical eye.
Roz comes back.
Luke: Thanks. Might take you up on that.
Frasier: OK.
Roz: I have to go, Alice got a bead stuck up her nose. There's got to be some way to baby-proof her nostrils! I'm sorry, Luke, we have to go.
Frasier: You know, I-I could drop him off.
Roz: Well, Frasier, that's very nice, but-
Luke: No, no, it's fine. You go take care of Alice and, uh, I'll hang out with Frasier.
Roz: Yeah well, don't you have to meet Niles?
Frasier: Oh, he's had a tailoring emergency, it could be hours.
Roz: Well, I'll call you tomorrow, Luke.
Luke: OK.
She bends down and kisses Luke on the cheek.
Roz: Bye.
Luke: Bye, Roz.
She bends down to kiss Frasier.
Roz: [whispering] He thinks I'm thirty-one and I was in a Whitesnake video.
Roz kisses Frasier on the cheek and leaves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Apartment - Kitchen Daphne and Martin are in the kitchen, cleaning fish. Frasier comes in.
Frasier: Hey Dad, welcome home.
Martin: Oh, Fras! Didn't hear you come in.
Frasier: How was the fishing trip?
Martin: Oh, it was great. The worst day of fishing beats the best day of working.
Frasier: Well, now that you've proven it, can we take the sign out of the bathroom?
They go out into the living room. As Martin settles into his armchair, Frasier pours himself a sherry.
Martin: Oh, uh, Fras, you had a phone call a little while ago. Some guy by the name of Lou, or maybe-
Frasier: Luke.
Martin: Yeah, Luke, that's it, yeah. Said he'd call back later. Real friendly guy, who is he?
Frasier: Roz's new boyfriend. They're getting quite serious, and actually he and I have hit it off as well.
Martin: Oh, that's great.
Frasier: Actually, it is. You know, with Niles spending more time with Daphne, I-I don't have anybody to pal around with. And he's a really interesting guy. He sails around the world, locating shipwrecks and salvaging treasure.
Martin: Oh!
Frasier: God, you know, he tells some incredible stories! Yeah, it's refreshing, really - usually I'm the cool friend.
Martin: [biting his tongue] Sounds a little free-wheeling for you.
Frasier: Oh, really? Well, he's planning to salvage a French trader off the coast of British Columbia next, and he's invited me along.
The doorbell rings. Frasier goes to answer it.
Martin: Oh, that should be fun. You need a Dramamine patch just to get into the bathtub.
Frasier opens the door to Niles, with Eddie on a leash.
Frasier: Ah, Niles.
Niles: Hello! Behold, the prodigal pup returns!
Martin: Oh-ho, look who's here! Come on, boy!
Niles lets go and Eddie jumps up into Martin's lap.
Martin: [cuddling] Yeah, there you go, oh yeah. Thanks for taking care of him while I was gone, Niles.
Niles: You're quite welcome.
Martin: It was very thoughtful of you, unlike some people I know!
Frasier: Dad, it was absolutely essential that I have my floors refinished, thanks to Edward Scissor-Paws there!
The phone rings. Niles picks it up and hands it to Frasier.
Frasier: Oh thank you, Niles. [into phone] Hello? Yes, this is Frasier Crane. What? I never touched your wife! Never! But I've never even heard of... oh Luke, [laughs] you got me again! You know, that's six to one! I did so get one!
Frasier goes to his room. Daphne comes out of the kitchen, still wearing her bloody apron and dishrags.
Daphne: Hey, Niles.
Niles: Hello, my love.
Daphne: Oh I'm sorry, I must look a mess. I've been cleaning fish all afternoon.
Niles: Oh please, your beauty cannot be obscured by mere entrails, [looks her over] or scales, or... is that an eye?
Daphne: I'll go wash up. [gives him a kiss]
Niles: If you like.
As soon as she turns away, he puckers his lips in horror.
Martin: Hope Eddie wasn't a lot of trouble.
Niles: Please Dad, he was the perfect houseguest.
Martin: Well, give me the details. Did he eat?
Niles: Oh, like a horse!
Martin: Slept well?
Niles: Like a log!
Martin: Was he regular?
Niles: We're done here, Dad.
Martin: Just want you to know I really appreciate what you did for me.
Niles: Please, it was my pleasure. I'm really gonna miss the little guy. We actually started to bond.
He affectionately strokes Eddie's head with a finger.
Martin: Ha-ha, that's great. Out of his sight, Niles wipes his finger.
Martin: [noticing] What's this tag?
Niles: Oh, uh, that's nothing. That's, uh, they put that on at the park.
Martin: [reading] "Bark Avenue?" That's a kennel! You dumped him off at a kennel?!
Niles: No, no, Dad, actually it's more of a spa than a kennel.
Martin: I trusted you with Eddie and you betrayed that trust! Why'd you do it, son?
Niles: Well Dad, it took Italian artisans three weeks to stain my Venetian umbrella stand and it took Eddie about twenty seconds!
Martin: [getting up] If I wanted him in a kennel I would have put him in one myself!
Niles: Well Dad, uh, I'm sorry.
Martin: Well, so am I. Come on, Eddie, I'll give you a bath. Who knows what you picked up in that flea trap!
As he and Eddie leave, the doorbell rings.
Niles: Well, it was a lot nicer than that place you made us stay at Yellowstone!
Frasier opens the door to Roz, looking distraught.
Frasier: Oh hi, Roz.
Roz: I need a drink and I need it fast!
Frasier: I'll get the sherry.
Roz: Don't waste your time, I've got grown-up problems!
She rushes past him into the kitchen. When he gets there she is pouring a glass full of expensive scotch.
Frasier: Ah, the twenty-five year-old Glen Farcas. Excellent choice, no sense going for the twelve-year old stuff.
Roz: Luke's a slime bag!
Frasier: Oh, what happened?
Roz: I saw him sitting in a café with his arms around some blonde. They were all over each other! I told him off, and we're through.
Frasier: I'm so sorry, Roz. [hugs her]
Roz: I really liked him.
Frasier: I know.
Roz: And I thought he liked me.
Frasier: Yes. Gosh, you know, I just got off the phone with him. He didn't even mention it! He can't possibly think I'd still be his friend after he treated you this way.
Roz: Well, I'm really glad to hear you say that, Frasier. I mean, you were my friend first.
Frasier: Yes, of course. Oh come on, [hugs her again] I'll get you through this.
Roz: [sniffles a little] Thank you, Frasier. You know what? I'm feeling better already. [notices her drink] Oh, maybe I don't even need this.
She throws the scotch into the sink, causing Frasier to gasp. She walks out of the kitchen as he stares, aghast, into the drain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Boat Luke is sitting in the salon of his boat, reading over some notes. Up on the deck, Frasier tries to drop a parcel on the step and leave, but it clatters down the stairs, causing Luke to look up.
Luke: Frasier? [Frasier comes down] What are you doing?
Frasier: Uh, I was just returning your "Chapman's Nautical Guide" there. Uh, I-I just wanted to drop it off, actually.
Luke: Without saying hello?
Frasier: Well, I had a talk with Roz.
Luke: Oh, I see. Well look, if it makes any difference, that woman was an old girlfriend. She came to town, invited me to lunch, we ordered martinis, and the next thing you know, she was all over me! You know how it is.
Frasier: [covering] Of course, I mean... But Roz is my friend. Take care.
Luke: [shakes his hand] You too, Frasier.
Frasier turns to leave.
Luke: By the way-
Frasier: Hmm?
Luke: Thanks for your advice. I, uh, I started writing down some of those stories.
Frasier: Oh?
Luke: Yeah, I wrote the one about the pirates, and the South American one.
Frasier: Oh great, don't forget the one about the giant squid!
Luke: That was just a joke.
Frasier: [laughs] Gosh, you did it again, didn't you? Oh, you know, I'm gonna miss that. Ah, see you around.
He turns to go again, but stops.
Frasier: Say Luke, uh, you know, here's a tip: you might try writing in the present tense. It has a way of giving things a sense of urgency.
Luke: That's great! I'll try it.
Frasier: [thoughtful] Of course, if you hadn't been so thoughtless, we'd be heading for that sushi bar right now and be reviewing those notes.
Luke: Yeah, and that waitress would be there. I think she likes you.
Frasier: [chuckles] Oh, she does not.
Luke: You know what's ironic?
Frasier: Hmm?
Luke: If I had met you separately from Roz, this wouldn't even be an issue.
Frasier: No, it wouldn't. You know, the truth is our friendship does exist independently of her.
Luke: That's true. I mean, if you take Roz out of the equation, does our friendship disappear?
Frasier: It shouldn't. Of course, for Roz's sake, we'll have to keep this between ourselves.
Luke: No need to rub it in her face.
Frasier: Agreed. But, uh, for the record, I do not condone your behavior.
Luke: I wouldn't expect you to.
Frasier: I hope they haven't run out of Yellowtail.
They laugh and head out together.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
A DOUBLE LIFE
Scene Four - Apartment Frasier and Roz have finished a casual dinner together.
Roz: Well, thanks for dragging me out of the house. It's been a rough week, and it sure helps to have a friend like you.
Frasier: Yeah. Roz, trust me, you will eventually get over Luke.
Roz: Well, he's not having any trouble getting over me. I saw him leaving his boat last night with someone.
Frasier: Really? Did you, uh, get a good look at them?
Roz: Only from behind. Some fat chick.
Frasier: Fat? Well, it was kind of cold out last night, there may have been layers involved.
Roz: Yeah, layers of fat. [checks her watch] Frasier, it's getting so late, I should go!
Frasier: Oh, uh, right, OK.
Roz: [getting her things] Thanks for listening.
Frasier: Well, of course, Roz.
Roz: You ever see me falling for some creep like that again, smack me.
Frasier: Don't give it another thought. You know, I think he's not worth it, all right?
Roz: Good night.
Frasier: Good night.
Roz leaves. As Daphne comes out to tidy up, Frasier dials the phone.
Frasier: Luke? It's Fras. Yeah, uh, listen, I'm free, and I thought maybe I'd swing by. We can, uh, go over and catch Marsalis at the jazz café, because "thar he blows!" [laughs] No, no, it just came to me. All right, Luke, I'll see you soon, bye.
[hangs up]
Daphne: Some friend you are! How can you be with that rutting pig after what he did?
Frasier: I don't see what's so wrong about being friends with Roz's ex-boyfriend!
Daphne: Well, if you think there's nothing wrong with it, why are you hiding it from Roz?
Frasier: Well, because I, um, uh- [Martin comes out] Dad! A man has a right to choose his own friends, doesn't he?
Martin: Sure! 'Course, I think you're a rotten Judas for stabbing Roz in the back this way.
He goes to the kitchen. Frasier gets his coat.
Frasier: You hear that? He said "sure!" Daphne gives him a look. He leaves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Café Nervosa Frasier is sat at the table by the window, with a small gift box. Niles comes in.
Niles: Guess what I have? Two tickets to the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra!
Frasier: The Orpheus! Oh Niles, nobody handles Handel like they handle Handel! [they laugh] But wouldn't you rather take Daphne?
Niles: Oh, she wouldn't enjoy it. I took her to the opera last week. Halfway through "Das Rheingold" she fell asleep.
Frasier: Astonishing!
Niles: Yes, well, it gets worse. She snorted in her sleep, and startled Wotan, causing him to drop his spear on an unsuspecting gnome. So, are you free tonight?
Frasier: Gosh Niles, I'm sorry, I've got plans with Luke.
Niles: Oh yes, your much-ballyhooed new best friend. Is that who the gift is for?
Frasier: Uh, no, no, this is for Roz.
Niles: Oh, a guilt offering!
Frasier: Well, I suppose there's some truth to that. You know, frankly I'm torn. Part of me thinks I should tell her, but I just know it would devastate her. She's a broken woman.
Outside the café, it seems Roz has mended, as she is locked in an embrace with Luke.
Luke: [as they break] I'm glad I bumped into you yesterday.
Roz: And twice this morning.
They kiss again.
Luke: Buy you coffee?
Roz: Sure.
As they turn to go in, she sees Frasier.
Roz: [gasps] Oh my God, Frasier's in there! He can't see us, I don't want him to know we're back together!
Luke: Oh, I don't think he'd really have a problem-
Roz: No, you don't know him. He's been very supportive, and if he sees us together again, he'll just think I'm weak! Which I am.
She kisses him again. Inside the café:
Niles: Come on, there are no pirates!
Frasier: Sure there are! Luke was pillaged!
Niles: That is so cool!
Roz comes in alone.
Roz: Hi, guys.
Frasier: Oh hi, Roz.
Niles: Hey, Roz.
Frasier: [she sits down] I have a little something for you.
[gives her the box]
Roz: For me? Oh, what's the occasion?
Frasier: Oh, why do I need an occasion, Roz? I'm just trying to show a good friend that I'm thinking of her in her time of crisis.
Roz: [guilty] Oh, Frasier, I don't deserve your friendship.
Frasier: No, I do not deserve your friendship.
Niles: I deserve my own table, excuse me.
He goes to the table by the counter.
Roz: You know what? I'm gonna take you out to dinner tonight.
Frasier: Tonight?
Roz: Yes, you've been so great about this whole Luke thing. I mean, the least I can do is buy you a meal.
Frasier: Well, all right, Roz, I accept. [takes out his cell phone] Uh, would you excuse me?
Roz: Sure.
Frasier dials his phone and moves over to the counter, behind Niles.
Frasier: Luke-o, F-Man. [Niles's ears prick up] Yeah, listen, uh, something's come up tonight and I won't be able to make it, all right? Great, bye.
He hangs up and goes back.
Frasier: So Roz, where would you like to go tonight? Chez Henri has the most splendid ox-tail suree-
Roz's cell phone rings.
Roz: Excuse me. [answers] Hello? Oh, hi. Just a sec. [to Frasier] I really need to take this.
Frasier: Of course.
She takes her phone over to the counter.
Roz: Hi, Luke. [Niles looks up again] Oh damn, I just made plans... Well, if you put it that way, how can I say no? I'll see you at eight, OK.
She hangs up and goes back.
Roz: Bad news, Frasier. My babysitter's all booked up, so can we rearrange dinner?
Frasier: What a shame. [takes out his phone] Excuse me.
He goes his phone to the counter.
Frasier: Yeah Luke, it's Fras again. Listen, um, my plans just got canceled and I was thinking maybe we could... oh, really? Well, that's-that's kind of quick, wasn't it? [Niles nods to himself] Well, no problem. All right, yeah, I'll talk to you tomorrow, bye.
He goes back. Roz is opening her gift.
Roz: Frasier, this is the bracelet I wanted!
Frasier: Yes, I remembered.
Roz: Oh, you're such a good friend. You're so caring and thoughtful and... loyal. I got to make a phone call, I'll be right back!
She goes to the counter. Niles gets up and heads for the door.
Roz: Luke, it's Roz again. Bad news...
Frasier: [as Niles goes by] Oh Niles, listen, as it turns out I am available for that concert tonight-
Niles: No you're not.
He exits, leaving Frasier confused.
[SCENE_BREAK]
WITH APOLOGIES TO
MR. VONNEGUT
Scene Six - Apartment Frasier comes out in his jacket. Daphne is dressed in a somewhat billowing evening dress.
[N.B. Here are the first obvious signs of Jane Leeves's pregnancy; she definitely fills out the dress, and her cheeks are glowing.]
Daphne: Going out with Luke, I suppose?
Frasier: As a matter of fact, I'm having dinner with Roz. And I will have a clear conscience, because first I am going to stop by Luke's and end our friendship.
Daphne: Oh, I guess our little chat had an impact.
Frasier: So it did.
The doorbell rings.
Daphne: Imagine that - me giving advice to a psychiatrist. Maybe I should be on the radio and you should do the laundry.
Frasier: Yes, what a merry time of misrule that would be.
He opens the door to Niles, carrying two parcels: one that's small and daintily wrapped, and one that's large and wrapped in brown paper.
Frasier: Oh Niles, what are you doing here?
Niles: Well, I'm taking Daphne to the concert.
Daphne: Yes, he said he'd rather go with me than anyone else.
Frasier: Indeed. Well, sweet dreams.
Frasier leaves.
Daphne: Hello, sweetie.
Niles: Hello. This is for you.
He hands her the smaller parcel - chocolates.
Daphne: Oh, truffles, [kisses him] my favorite!
Niles: Oh, you are so sweet, you say that about everything I bring.
She sits down and opens the box. Martin comes out.
Martin: Oh Daph, you look great.
Daphne: Thanks.
Seeing Niles, he turns and walks toward the door.
Martin: [frosty] Niles.
Niles: Dad, I know you're still peeved about me taking Eddie to the spa-
Martin: [not stopping] Kennel.
Niles: Anyway, I-I brought a little peace offering-
Martin: Bribe.
Niles: Dad, it's from Smokey Mountain Farms!
Martin stops and turns around.
Niles: Five different meats in one big box!
Martin: [disbelieving] Not the "Slaughterhouse Five."
Niles: They don't make a Slaughterhouse Three.
Martin delightedly unwraps the large parcel.
Niles: Dad, I'm so sorry.
Martin: Oh well, I was disappointed, but-
Niles: I don't want you to think you can't trust me. I will never let you down again.
Martin: Well thanks, Niles. Listen, I'm taking Eddie out for a walk. Why don't you come along, we can shoot the breeze.
Niles: Oh, uh...
He looks at Daphne, who is well into the chocolates.
Daphne: [mouth full] Go on, I need a few more minutes to get ready.
[unwraps another]
Niles: Well, uh, once around the block.
Martin: Come on, Eddie.
Daphne: Take your time!
They go out into the hall, and Martin calls the elevator.
Niles: Dad, thanks for not holding a grudge. I know how much Eddie means to you.
Martin: Oh, I forgot my jacket. Here, [hands Niles the parcel] hold on to this, put the leash on him and I'll be right back.
Niles: All right, all right.
Martin goes back inside. Niles bends down to attach the leash to Eddie's collar. The elevator comes, full of people.
Niles: Oh, uh, it's all right, I'm waiting for someone.
Someone pushes a button. Just as the elevator doors close, Eddie bolts from Niles's grasp and onto the car. Niles throws himself against the doors, frantically pushing the button, whispering urgent prayers of "stop!", "come back!", etc.
The doors open again, and someone hands Eddie back to him.
Niles: [breathless] Thank you, thank you. It's OK, it's OK... He attaches the leash. Martin comes back out wearing his jacket.
Niles: Come on, slowpoke! Martin smiles and follows him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Seven - Boat Roz comes down the stairs into the empty salon.
Roz: Luke? Surprise, it's Roz! Luke? Luke, are you home? I got an hour to kill before dinner.
She looks around, then picks up a pen and starts to write a note, then hears voices from outside.
Luke: [o.s.] Come on board, I'll pour you a drink.
Woman: [o.s.] You really live here? I think boats are so sexy.
Roz desperately looks around for a place to hide, sees a large closet, flings it open - and shrieks when she sees Frasier standing there.
Frasier: Hello, Roz.
Roz: What are you doing here?!
Frasier: Well, I stopped by to see Luke, I heard you coming, and I came inside and hid-
Luke: [o.s.] Watch your step.
Roz shushes Frasier and jumps into the closet with him. As they close the doors, Luke comes in with a blond woman.
Inside the closet, the following is conducted in whispers:
Roz: After everything he did to me, you stayed friends with him, didn't you?!
Frasier: Well, you started seeing him again without telling me!
Through the slats in the door, they see Luke put on romantic music and sit down with his date.
Luke: You have the most incredible eyes.
Roz: That b*st*rd! He told me I had the most incredible eyes!
Frasier: Roz, Roz, we can't let him know we're here!
Woman: What are all these pages?
Luke: Oh, writing a book. But I'm having a little trouble... maybe you could be my inspiration.
Frasier: That b*st*rd! He told me I was his inspiration!
Roz: Shh!
Luke and the Woman embrace in a passionate kiss.
Frasier: [sighs] We may as well make ourselves comfortable. They quietly sit down.
Roz: I guess I should have told you we got back together.
Frasier: No, I should apologize, actually. After the way he treated you, I shouldn't have been hanging around with him.
Roz: You liked him.
Frasier: Truth be told, I don't really make friends very often. In fact, the last true friend I made was you.
Roz: Oh, yuck.
Frasier: Too much?
Roz: No, I'm sitting in something wet.
Frasier: Well, just get up.
Roz: I can't, I'm caught on something.
Frasier: Here, all right, give me your hand.
He takes hold of her and yanks her up. Suddenly there is the hissing of an air pump and something rises into the camera in front of them.
Roz: Uh-oh...
A split-second later the closet bursts open and the inflatable dinghy ejects Frasier and Roz into the salon, surprising Luke and his date.
Frasier: [taking the offensive] You've got a lot of explaining to do!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Apartment:
Daphne is sitting in Martin's Armchair. She has polished off the chocolates and is now looking around for something more. She sees Martin's meat basket next to her, but as soon as she picks it up Eddie jumps up. She hugs it possessively, but then Martin comes in and snatches it away. As she grabs for it, he hugs it just as closely. | Plan: A: Luke; Q: Who is Roz dating? A: Harvard; Q: Where did Luke drop out of school? A: adventure; Q: What is Luke looking for? A: his memoirs; Q: What does Luke want Frasier to help him write? A: their friendship; Q: What does Luke and Frasier break off when Roz breaks up with him? Summary: Roz is dating a man called Luke, who lives on a boat, having dropped out of Harvard and sailed around the world in search of adventure. He and Frasier get on well, and Frasier starts to help Luke write his memoirs, but when Roz breaks up with Luke, he must also break off their friendship. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Jamal: I don't really like being president. I would walk away from all of this.
Barry: That situation that you wanted me to handle... It's done.
Jamal: Thank you.
Katerina: Are you getting the plane ready?
(shriek)
Barry: There will be no peace in Abbudin with my brother in power; he has to be removed.
John: So you want to have a coup, oust your own brother?
Yussef: Many of us have dreaded the day your brother took power.
Barry: What is this place?
John: Just a haven for weary travelers.
Lea: Lea Exley.
The coup's got about a week between inception and execution.
Barry: And what about the money and the media?
John: Hakim Bata.
Barry: Do you really want to bet your family and your country on my brother?
Molly: Then we all just go back?
Barry: Just you, Jenna and the kids.
Molly: No, we're not going without you. Why would you stay here if Jamal won't even be president? There's nothing you can do.
Barry: Molly, I'm taking his place.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Barry: You should, uh, probably get dressed.
Molly: It's like a bad dream and I can't wake up.
Barry: In three days, it'll all be over, okay?
Molly: Please. Don't make me lie to their faces.
Barry: Jamal's throwing this dinner for our anniversary.
How's it gonna look if I show up alone?
Molly: Tell them I'm sick. Tell them anything you want, just don't make me do this.
Barry: Molly, at this stage, anything that arouses suspicion...
Molly: And you're worried about your coup.
Barry: I'm worried about our kids.
Ziad: I didn't join in this because I want things to change. That's not why I'm here. I'm here because a change will happen regardless of what I want. And the last man who is ever gonna allow this change is General Tariq. If you want to move against your brother, you need to remove Tariq.
Barry: Which means removing a hundred-and-something members of his elite guard. How the hell do we do that?
John: Jamal.
Barry: Jamal?
John: Make him believe Tariq's behind the coup. Considering how loud Tariq's been about these elections, that shouldn't be too hard. And we have enough truth working for us to help sell the lie.
Barry: What truth?
John: When Sheik Rashid was comatose in the hospital... Jamal spent time with a friend. Katerina.
(scoffs)
Well, add it to the long list of my brother's questionable life choices. How does that undermine Tariq?
Ziad: I have a recording of a compromising conversation between your brother and this woman, Katerina.
Barry: You've been spying on my brother?
Ziad: For Tariq.
John: (chuckles) It's a little late to get protective, don't you think? And before you get all bent out of shape... Maybe you should listen.
Jamal: Finally! I could eat my foot.
Nunez: Mr. President, tonight I have prepared for you a starter of lemon soup with edible wood cream cheese.
Rapido.
The wood itself is unique. It has a sponge-like quality. And I have soaked it in honey overnight. The yacaratiá tree is very rare. It only grows in the inner Parana Forest and is only available in Argentina.
Jamal: Until tonight.
Nunez: si.
Jamal: Nothing but the best for my brother and his beautiful bride.
Nunez: Please, enjoy.
Jamal: Look at us. A double date. What took so long?
Barry: Well, your plate's been pretty full.
Jamal: Ah. Never too full for family.
Leila: Are you all right, Molly? You look pale.
Molly: Uh... (clears throat) I was born that way.
(laughs)
I'm fine. Everything's wonderful.
Barry: Mmm, yeah, it tastes of, um... tastes of lemon.
Jamal (recorded): That's good, because I don't really like being president. I don't think it's good for me.
(sighs)
I'm not very good at it.
Katerina: I don't think that's true.
Jamal: What I really want, Katerina, is just to be left alone, to sit on a beach, drink tequila and enjoy the company of a beautiful woman whom I love and loves me.
Katerina: Mmm. Yeah, that sounds good, too.
Jamal: Would you come with me?
Katerina: Stop teasing me.
Jamal: I'm not teasing you. I would walk away from all of this in-in a heartbeat and never look back. Have you ever been to the Maldives?
John: This is what we tell your brother Tariq's been spreading to his officers.
Jamal: And just like that, my brother was off the market. A married man. Not just married. Eloped with Molly Olsen. An American blonde. Now let me tell you, hearts broke that day in Abbudin. Remember what you said, Bassam, the night you called to tell me? You said... You had found a woman who accepted you for who you really are. Moralistic. Self-righteous. Holier-than-thou.
Leila: Jamal.
Jamal: But also protective. Wise.
And most important: Loyal.
Barry: So we poison the well between Jamal and Tariq. Then what?
Ziad: Tariq and his elite guard... Their annual retreat to Wadi Ganoub is in three days.
John: They'll all be in the same place at the same time. Easy to lock down. So that's your play. You have three days to turn Jamal against Tariq.
Jamal: So, to my brother and the woman who makes him a better man. Want to smoke a cigar with me?
Barry: Sure.
Leila: I can ask them to make you a hamburger.
Molly: What? No. No, thank you. I-I'm... so tired. I pulled a double shift at the hospital. I... I'm still recovering. I guess I'm not 20 anymore, huh?
Leila: Not to worry. There'll be many more nights like this. Birthdays, victories. More reasons to celebrate together with family.
Jamal: If you can't get away to Cuba... Bring Cuba to you.
Barry: Hmm. Speaking of travel plans, this military retreat to Wadi Ganoub... are you, uh... are you planning to go?
Jamal: And watch them march circles in the sun? No, thank you.
Barry: Maybe, uh... maybe I should go.
Jamal: You? Why?
Barry: You know what, forget it.
Jamal: Tell me.
Barry: Well, I was just thinking, um, maybe we should have a presence there, you know. Eyes and ears.
Jamal: Mm. That's what I have Tariq for. Why do I need eyes and ears on my own men?
Barry: You're right. It's nothing.
Jamal: Now I know it's something. Tell me.
Barry: If some of your own men are... are questioning your fitness to lead, then... then we need to address it.
Jamal: Questioning my what? Who told you this?
(Barry sighs)
Barry: It was John Tucker.
Jamal: Bring the Amriki here. I want to hear him say this to my face.
Barry: Okay, I'll, uh... I'll set up a meeting for tomorrow morning.
Jamal: No.
Now.
Molly: I feel sick. I'm trying to see things from your perspective, Barry. I really am. I mean, I watched you and Jamal laughing, and I tried. I-I tried to be like that, but Leila kept talking to me about wanting to spend more time with me and the kids, and all I could think was, what's gonna happen to her?
Barry: She will be fine, okay? They both get asylum in a neutral country. And if Jamal cooperates, they keep their money and their dignity.
Molly: This is a coup, Barry, not the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. People will die.
Barry: Molly, what matters now is getting you and the kids back to the U.S. Okay? I need you to sit down with John Tucker and go through visas, protocol and the itinerary, okay?
Molly: You know what freaks me out more than anything? How good you are at this. How easily this comes to you. The lying.
Barry: I have to go.
John: (sighs) I hope this is, uh, worth the ambien I had to spit out to get over here. What sh1t has hit what fan?
Jamal: What is this about my Generals questioning my fitness for office?
John: You told him that?
Jamal: My brother's got my back. More than I can say about my so-called allies.
John: No, no, no, no. We were shooting the sh1t. I had a few too many Abbudin libres, and I repeated something that I obviously should not have in front of... no offense, Barry... an inexperienced civilian.
Jamal: Repeated what?
John: Grumblings and grousing, the stuff of subordinates everywhere. I thought Barry understood that it was just gossip.
Jamal: Gossip about what?
John: We should speak in private.
Jamal: Listen, anything you have to say, you can say in front of my brother.
John: Well, uh, some rumor about you and a hooker. I just... I feel ridiculous even repeating this. (sighs) Um... That when the Sheik was in the hospital, you were looking to run off with... this hooker to the Maldives or some damn place.
(Jamal laughs)
I told you, it's laughable.
Jamal: Uh... Who told you this?
John: One of my sources.
Jamal: You mean one of your spies. Bring him here, and I will deal with him spreading such a story.
John: He wasn't spreading it, he was reporting it. And I don't burn my sources, Mr. President. I'm breaking protocol even sharing that much. It's nothing. It's a rumor that's gonna be forgotten in a week.
Jamal: Well... (clears throat) Thank you, John. That's all I need to know.
(sighs, chuckles)
Listen, um... I wouldn't lose any sleep over this.
Jamal: That will be all. Go back to sleep.
John: Mr. President.
(door opens, closes)
Jamal: High-ranking officers are using this to discredit me.
Barry: Well, then call in Tariq, ask him directly.
Jamal: No, no, no, no, no.
Barry: Why not? We're talking about his elite guard.
Jamal: Who won't scratch their balls without clearing it with him first.
They wouldn't gossip about me without his tacit approval.
Barry: So what are you saying?
Jamal: Opposing these elections to my face is one thing, but spreading rumors behind my back? Tariq wouldn't do that unless he had a reason.
(sighs)
Father never trusted him. He was always looking over his shoulder.
Barry: Look, I'm-I'm sure there's an explanation for all of this.
Jamal: Bassam, you are not the one he is plotting against.
Barry: Jamal, uh, I'm the last person to defend our uncle, but... planning a military coup? Okay, I'll, um... I'll do some digging around, see if there's anything unusual or suspicious. But... don't jump to any conclusions. Please.
Barry: Jamal's definitely rattled about Tariq. He's running around checking the Palace for bugs.
Hakim: I may have been followed.
Barry: But you lost them.
Hakim: I think so.
Yussef: You think so?
Ziad: If you were unsure, why did you come?
Hakim: I could be wrong.
John: About having ditched them?
Hakim: About being followed.
Barry: It's all right. Sit down.
Ziad: Is everything in place to jam the internet servers and the cell towers at our military retreat?
Hakim: All is set. Now, please, catch me up.
Ziad: Tariq has summoned a dozen tribal leaders. He plans to recruit them.
Hakim: For what?
Ziad: For his plan to rig the election. He's basically buying their votes.
Barry: Which we're gonna make Jamal believe is Tariq securing their support for a coup. Look, we're all nervous. We're all taking a risk, but we're taking it together. You all right?
Yussef: The bids for the desalination plant have come in.
Jamal: Let me guess, they are too high.
Barry: 'Cause they know you have oil.
Jamal: Tell them they either lower their bids or we accept one, let them build it, then nationalize it and toss them out on their ass. Anything else?
Yussef: I... Uh...
Jamal: Come on, Yussef, I haven't got all day.
Yussef: It's come to my attention that your uncle has been reaching out to tribal leaders. As I am official liaison to the tribes, I was contacted by one who was confused about this change in protocol. Am I being relieved of the tribal portfolio?
Jamal: Not at all. I asked my uncle, uh, to do this, unofficially, for reasons I can't discuss.
Yussef: I see.
Jamal: I have only the greatest continuing confidence in your service, exactly as my father did.
Yussef: I'm relieved to hear it.
Jamal: So, if that's all...
Yussef: Thank you, Mr. President.
Jamal: Why is Tariq contacting tribal leaders, and why the secrecy?
Barry: I'll find out.
Jamal: I'll tell you why. To line up their support for my overthrow. The whisper campaign, now this secret outreach... you still think he's not plotting against me?
Barry: I don't know what to think. It's probably nothing, but we need to be cautious; we don't want to tip our hand. I'll press Tucker for his source.
Jamal: I am relying on you, brother. You are the only one I can trust. You know that.
(sighs)
Leila: Jamal, what was so important you needed to meet me all the way out here?
Jamal: Did anyone follow you?
Leila: What?
What's going on, Jamal? Last night you were joking and kidding at dinner, then you went off to talk to Bassam, and then you had the late meeting with Tucker.
Jamal: Shh, shh...
Leila: What's going on? Uh... What are you doing?
Jamal: I need to make sure no one is listening.
Leila: Why? We have people for that.
Jamal: No one I can trust. Come, sit.
Leila: You're scaring me, Jamal.
Jamal: Sit.
Leila: You are being paranoid.
Jamal: I'm being careful, and you should be, too.
Leila: Why? What's happening?
Jamal: We have enemies inside the Palace. I will tell you when I know more. Until then, be careful what you say and... trust no one.
Jamal: Bassam, how do you know this isn't part of Tariq's plan, getting me out in the middle of nowhere so he... he can kill me?
Barry: Ziad's on our side, okay? He went to Tucker because he's opposed to what Tariq's planning.
Jamal: Why didn't he tell me?
Barry: He'll explain. And if you don't trust him, trust me.
Jamal: I trust this.
Barry: See? He's on his own. You can put the gun away.
Jamal: Wait here.
Barry: Look, let me come with you.
Jamal: No. I need the quiet of my own counsel. Why should I trust you?
Ziad: It's your choice, Mr. President. All I can tell you is the truth.
Jamal: Tell me, what does my uncle want with these tribal leaders?
Ziad: He is bringing them to the retreat in the desert, where, either by bribe or force, he will enlist their support for his plan to unseat you and install himself.
Jamal: You have been Tariq's right hand... why not stand with him in this?
Ziad: Look around you. All of this is ruin of the past. That's his way. Your way is about the future. A future I want for my country, my people, my children.
Jamal: Do you have officers you can enlist... men you trust?
Ziad: I do.
Jamal: How many?
Ziad: Enough to do whatever is required.
Jamal: Once Tariq and his elite guard arrive at the military retreat, lock them down, at which point, you will assume my uncle's position as head of Abbudin's military.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Jenna laughing)
Emma: Isn't that weird, though?
Jenna (laughing): Yeah, so weird.
Emma: I know.
Oh, hey, mom, um, so I'm wearing yellow underwear, I'm in love with my math teacher, and I'm gonna go trekking around the world with aunt Jenna.
(whoops)
Jenna: It's a game.
Emma: It's called two truths and one lie. You do it.
Molly: Jenna, I need your passport...
I have a meeting at the embassy tomorrow to expedite our exit visas.
Jenna: Be right back. (clears throat) Molly. Listen, the more I think about going back with you guys, the crazier it seems. Why can't I just stay? It's not like there's not...
Molly: We've already been through this.
Jenna: You've been through this. Mol, is there something you're not telling me? Because you're-you're not yourself. Is something going on with you and Barry? I mean, I suck at relationships, but you'd have to be...
Molly: Shut your mouth. I mean it, Jenna. We're not in America, so just keep your mouth shut and get me your passport.
Leila: Bassam? You have to tell me what happened between you and Jamal the other night.
Barry: What makes you think something happened?
Leila: Don't play games with me, Bassam. Jamal is many things, but he's never been paranoid. Either you tell me what's going on, or I will find someone who will. What?
Barry: Members of the elite guard may be plotting against him.
Leila: I don't believe it. Anyway, Tariq would squash that.
Barry: Tariq's behind it.
Leila: That's insane. Tariq has promised Khaled he would watch over Jamal. He would never do this.
Barry: Do you know that?
Leila: I know Tariq.
Barry: Maybe not as well as you think. Tariq's been questioning Jamal's capacity to lead.
Leila: Based on what? Don't pretend there's some indignity too great for me to bear. Not at this point, Bassam.
Barry: The rumor is, Jamal's been with a woman.
Leila: That wouldn't be the first time.
Barry: He was with her that day the Sheik was in the hospital. Tariq claims to have a recording of Jamal telling her that he never wanted to be president and asking her to run away with him to the Maldives or somewhere. Tariq is using this to undermine Jamal's authority with his elite guard.
(sighs)
Jamal came to me that day. He asked me to go with him. But I laughed it off. Like some annoyance. Like I do. "Be a man," I said.
(panting)
We have to protect him, Bassam. You and I... we have to protect him from his enemies and from himself.
Barry: Yeah.
Leila (crying): I can't breathe.
(sobbing)
Barry: I'm sorry.
Barry: So, how did we lose Jenna?
Emma: Late night last night, I think.
She's sleeping off the effects.
Sammy: Well, she's gonna miss the beach if she's not careful. I'm gonna put my suit on.
Barry: Listen, I was thinking, uh, instead of the beach, maybe I could steal you guys for the afternoon and take you somewhere special.
Emma: Better than the beach?
Barry: A Bedouin village about an hour from here.
Sammy: Okay, so not better than the beach.
Barry: It's where your grandfather was born, where you you guys are from.
Sammy: Okay. Yeah, sure.
Emma: Yeah, I'm in. Mom, you, too?
Molly: Uh, I have an appointment at the embassy today, so... It's okay. Have a good day with your dad.
Emma: Okay.
Sammy: All right.
Barry: I'll see you guys in the garage in ten minutes.
(sighs)
You okay with this?
Molly: You should have told me. It's just one more secret.
(scoffs)
Molly, it's not a secret. It just... It occurred to me this morning. I thought it was a good idea.
Molly: That what? All of a sudden, our children are Al Fayeeds?
Barry: They are Al Fayeeds.
Molly: You've denied that their whole lives. Even when they came here, you brought them as guests, and now they're natives?
Barry: Look, if I can't tell them what I'm doing, then this is my best defense... To show them their country, what I'm fighting for. Molly, I don't want my kids to hate me for what I'm doing. I want them to be proud of me. I want them to understand.
John: Sorry for making you wait. We have been on a conference call with the secretary. That's a man who likes the sound of his own voice.
Molly: Your wife Dana... She's still at Betty Ford?
John: Day 37, yes.
Molly: I'm guessing she's not the first state department spouse to wind up in rehab.
John: Occupational hazard. Leaving home for years at time, living from post to post. There's a price.
Molly: And now it's my family's turn to pay.
John: I should have introduced you. This is Lea Exley.
Lea: Nice to meet you. I'll be handling your security once you're stateside.
Molly: How could you think this was a good idea? My husband is a pediatrician.
Lea: Your husband came to us. We didn't go to him. We tried to talk him out of it.
Molly: Not hard enough. You could have said no. That might have stopped him.
Lea: Mrs. Al Fayeed, I appreciate that all of this is a little disorienting.
Molly: You have a real gift for understatement. This isn't disorienting. This is...
(laughs)
John: I'm sorry.
Lea: I, uh, think we should review protocols sooner rather than later.
Our people will meet you at LAX and take you through passport control, and then they'll transport you to a safe house where we'll have security...
Molly: Wait a minute. What safe house?
Lea: It's just outside Ashland, Oregon. I've never been there myself, but I understand it's quite nice this time of year.
Molly: We already have a home.
Lea: Whether your husband succeeds or fails, you'll be exposed to potential reprisals. Whatever the outcome, this is your new normal. And I think the sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be.
Jamal: Tell the tower to authorize takeoff.
Ziad: Proceed with takeoff.
Tariq: Mr. President, what could possibly be so important you felt it necessary to pull me off the plane to Wadi Ganoub? Whatever it is, can't it hold? My men are waiting.
Jamal: I promise you, you will get where you need to go.
Air traffic controller: Military transport is wheels up. En route to Wadi Ganoub.
Tariq: Jamal, what are you doing? I'm supposed to be on that plane.
Jamal: I've had it explained to me a hundred times, but I still don't understand how something so big, so heavy... can soar through the sky with such ease. Man... playing god. Wanting to fly with the birds.
(gun cocks)
Ziad: General Tariq, you are hereby under arrest for treason.
Tariq: Jamal, what is this about?
I've done nothing.
Soldier: Let's go. I'm being set up. This is insane. Don't believe them. They're playing with you. Don't be fooled. Your brother is the traitor. Jamal, I urge you. Jamal!
Barry: First cup goes to the host.
Shukran.
Sammy: Shukran.
Emma: Shukran.
So you and Jamal used to come out here?
Barry: Yeah, with my father. We'd drink tea, listen to the Bedouin tell their stories into the night. My father knew all of their names. He knew how many kids they had. He knew if it had been a good season, everything. But the thing that I remember most was him laughing. Always laughing. Was... It was not something that we heard very often, but here... People here laugh a lot. Once or twice a year, the rains come and flood the bottom of the wash, and everyone rushes down there, and they collect as much of it as they can before it disappears. I mean, imagine that. Imagine living without any constant source of water. That's the amazing thing about the Bedouin. Even in the desert, they choose land over water.
(sighs)
And my father would look out over this view and say to me, "never forget, Bassam." "This is where you come from." I'm really sorry that I kept all of this from you guys.
Sammy: So why are you telling us now?
Barry: It just hit me that you're the same age that I was when I left, and I guess I wanted you to understand before you left that... you guys are not visitors here. You're not tourists. This is where you're from.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Emma: Oh, my god. Dad?
Barry: What?
Emma: A plane full of Abbudin elite guard officers just crashed after takeoff.
There are no survivors.
Jamal: My fellow countrymen, it is with great sorrow that I confirm reports of a plane crash resulting in the loss of over two dozen of Abbudin's elite guard. This is truly a national tragedy. Investigators are on the scene, probing the cause. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the families and loved ones of the brave victims.
Barry (quietly): What the hell happened?
John (quietly): Ziad was acting on orders from your brother.
Barry: That wasn't the plan.
John: Well, apparently Leila whispered into Jamal's ear that a roundup was... insufficient. Ziad couldn't disobey Jamal's order. It was the only play.
Jamal: But should signs ultimately point to this having been an act of terror...
Barry: Mass murder is not what I signed up for.
John: It's not surgery, Barry, it's a coup. sh1t happens.
Jamal: You cannot terrorize the people of this great country. I will not allow this or any future violence to disrupt our nation's historic march toward democratic reform. And we're off here. Thank you Mr. President.
Leila: Excellent speech.
Jamal: Thank you, my love. Everyone, I need the room.
Cameraman: Of course. Come, everyone.
Leila (quietly): Thank you, Bassam, as always.
Barry: This is not what we discussed.
Jamal: This way is better. A lesson to those who would question my rule.
Barry: By killing dozens of men and your own uncle?
Jamal: Come with me. See, Bassam? I don't murder family. No matter how treacherous. How traitorous. So tell me, uncle, how does it feel being inside the cage where you kept so many?
Tariq: This is madness.
Jamal: You know what is madness? Spreading rumors about me to your men.
Tariq: I didn't.
Jamal: No? Like the tribal leaders you didn't invite to your military exercises behind my back.
Tariq: It was for you.
Jamal: Me?
Tariq: Yes. To buy their support for you. To guarantee the outcome of this absurd election your brother has poisoned your mind with. Don't you see what he's doing? Are you so blind? Bassam's been wanting to get rid of me since he got here. He's manipulating you like a child. And now he's convinced you I'm a traitor. When my only crime is opposing him. Ask yourself, whose interest is served by this false charge? Who is the real traitor?
Jamal: Are these the hands of a child? The fists of a child?
(Tariq shouts)
(Tariq coughs)
Jamal: Slander my brother again, and it will be your last utterance.
Family or no.
Tariq: Well played. Though I'm not surprised. You were a killer when you were nine years old, and you still are.
Barry: You betrayed my father. And I'll see you stand trial as a war criminal if it's the last thing I do.
Tariq: I know your soul, Bassam. Killer! I know who you are!
(footsteps approaching)
Barry: Molly, I had nothing to do with the plane.
Honey, you have to believe me.
Molly: I believe you didn't pull the trigger. But don't lie to yourself. You're the one who started this. Do you know we have to live in a safe house now? In our own country. Your children are gonna live in fear for the rest of their lives. Are you okay with that?
Barry: In a week, two weeks, you're gonna be back here.
Molly: Here. Where, after tomorrow, we'll be in even more danger. Where Jamal, Leila, Ahmed, half the country is gonna want you dead. You're gonna get killed.
(panting)
Barry: That is not gonna happen.
Molly: You don't know that!
Barry... Honey... Listen to me, okay? For the sake of our family, us, the four of us, the only family you had two months ago, I'm asking you to come home with us. I'm begging you to come home with us. Just let whatever happens here happen without you, okay? Please, Barry. Come on. Just come home with us. (kissing) Come home with us, please. (sighs)
(whimpers)
Don't expect us to come back. | Plan: A: shape; Q: What do the plans for the coup continue to take? A: Jamal; Q: Who proves how far he will go to punish those who oppose him? A: Barry's relationship; Q: What is pushed to the limit when Molly learns of the repercussions that await their family? Summary: As the plans for the coup continue to take shape, Jamal proves how far he will go to punish those who oppose him, and Barry's relationship with Molly is pushed to the limit after she learns of the repercussions that await their family. |
"The Man with the Bone"
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEASER
(Interior - Hallway, F.B.I. building. Fade in on DR. TEMPERANCE BRENNAN and SPECIAL AGENT SEELEY BOOTH as they walk side-by-side down the clinically white, sterile-looking hallway.)
BOOTH: Welcome to the dungeon.
BRENNAN: (hands stuffed into her pockets as she walks) Why do the F.B.I. always stick their morgues in the most depressing basement they can find?
BOOTH: Don't be such a snob, Bones, okay? Not everyone gets to play in a multimillion-dollar lab, you know, with skylights.
BRENNAN: It's because as a society we feel the need to hide death away. (pause) The people who deal with the dead are ... viewed as freaks.
BOOTH: I don't know if it's the basement thing but this guy you're about to meet, Harry, he's a little twisted.
BRENNAN: You probably think I get some kind of rush when I work, that I'm somehow titillated.
BOOTH: (grimaces) Ah, choice of words, Bones. Choice of words.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Booth pushing open double doors as he and Brennan enter the F.B.I. morgue. Booth is whistling. A slender man sporting wire-rimmed glasses, a long white lab coat and a bow tie, is standing at a light board, examining several X-rays including one of a chest and ribcage and another of a skull and spine. He is the aforementioned 'twisted' medical examiner, HARRY TEPPER, M.D., and as Booth nods hello, Harry turns to greet him with a handshake.)
HARRY: Agent Booth.
BOOTH: Harry Tepper, meet Doctor Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian.
HARRY: I've read her. (Harry studies Brennan appraisingly)
BRENNAN: Hello.
HARRY: She's good. (Booth nods; Harry turns back to Brennan) Read your novel too. (pauses, as he considers his words) The heroine's very aggressive.
BOOTH: (expressionless) Harry. (brief pause) You wanna - (gestures with his head, so all three turn and walk toward the exam table, Harry leading the way) Okay, everybody, meet Ted Macy. Body was found in a national park. Local coroner wrote it off as some kind of an accidental drowning, but you see, we have to investigate every death on federal land.
HARRY: During my examination, I found he had a crushed larynx. (smiles dryly) That didn't seem accidental.
BRENNAN: This is a corpse. (Booth looks up at her) With skin.
HARRY: (sarcastically) She is good.
BRENNAN: Why am I here? You know I don't work with skin.
BOOTH: Relax, Bones, I didn't bring you here to examine the body. I want you to see what they found in his hand. (turns to Harry, who is studying the body, not paying attention to Booth; Booth's tone turns a touch impatient) Harry. (Tepper looks up) Bone?
(Harry walks over to a counter and retrieves a specimen jar, marked with red tape and filled with solution)
BRENNAN: (stunned) What is that?
HARRY: It's a phalanx. (pauses momentarily before explaining in a condescending tone) Finger bone. (to Booth) Figured she'd know that.
BRENNAN: (ticked off) Yeah, I'd figure any competent medical examiner would know not to compromise evidence. (takes the container from him and holds it up) Is this Lysol I.C.?
HARRY: (arms crossed over his chest) We use it to decontaminate remains.
BRENNAN: (livid now, quickly draining the jar of its solution in order to rescue the bone) Are you trying to break down the periosteal surface of the bone? Wreak havoc on the marrow? Did you even dilute this?
BOOTH: (trying to smooth things over) Bones!
BRENNAN: What? (dumping the phalanx out and tucking it into an evidence bag) You've removed particulates and trace elements that could potentially lead us to his killer. (gets in Harry's face) Is this your first day on the job?
HARRY: (eyes bugging, voice haughty and deliberate) Eighteen years next month.
(Brennan gives Booth a look and storms from the room with the evidence bag, slamming the door behind her)
BOOTH: Eighteen years.
HARRY: (grinning) She's intense.
(Booth wisely says nothing)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Interior - Jeffersonian - Medico Legal Lab. Pan from a close-up of a gloved hand using a bulb syringe to extract evidence from the phalanx, to Brennan sitting at an exam table, ANGELA MONTENEGRO standing by her side. Also working in the room are Brennan's research assistant ZACK ADDY and DR. JACK HODGINS.)
ANGELA: Native American.
ZACK: (intently studying the contents of a box as he walks by) British Colonial.
HODGINS: (grinning as he climbs down from a ladder, carrying a tray of bones) American Revolutionary.
(Booth enters the room, gripping a file folder in both hands. He grins at the prospect of something fun actually going on in the lab.)
BOOTH: Hey, what are we playing?
ZACK: (not even looking up from his work) Doctor Brennan, the destroyer of evidence is here.
BOOTH: (smirk drops) Okay, I assume that's a joke so nobody gets hurt. (frowning as he heads over to Brennan's work station) Did Harry really mess up that bone?
(Angela joins Zack and Hodgins at the background table; she gives Hodgins a mild yet friendly smile and they chatter amongst themselves, working and talking, as Booth and Brennan discuss the case in the foreground)
BRENNAN: He dissolved any traces of ingrained particulates on the surface, but we are still able to save some valuable attributes.
BOOTH: Like what?
BRENNAN: Alternating sclerotic and porotic areas on subperiosteal surface - (Booth, already bored with her overly scientific explanation, picks up a magnifying tool and begins to play with it, checking out the close-up version of his own finger) - demonstrates - (she reaches over and snatches back the tool from Booth's hands) - that whoever this was suffered from tertiary syphilis.
BOOTH: Tertiary syphilis. Whoa... (sticks his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels, making a face) Wow, that's the worst.
HODGINS: (looking up from where he stands, holding a magnifying glass over a piece of bone) It was a common ailment in the seventeenth century.
BRENNAN: Which is where the bone dates from.
BOOTH: Say what?
(Brennan smiles slightly)
ZACK: We ran a radiocarbon dating test. (grabs a file from off his lab table and hands it to Booth) The finger's over three hundred years old.
BRENNAN: (sounding pleased) It's a unique find for the area.
ANGELA: (grinning) I'm gonna change to French trapper.
HODGINS: You can't change yours.
(Angela rolls her eyes at him)
BRENNAN: Booth, where did they find the victim?
BOOTH: (studying the folder of data) They shipped him over from some resort town next to a federal seaside preserve. (pauses as he reads) Assateague Island.
HODGINS: (eyes widening) That's where the money pit is.
BRENNAN: Money pit?
HODGINS: Legend is ... Assateague Island is where Blackbeard buried his treasure. (Booth immediately turns to Hodgins, his eyes lighting up with boyish interest) For three hundred years, people have been trying to find it. (Hodgins has them all in rapt attention now) They've dug it out to something like a hundred and fifty feet, but they've found nothing. Every time they come close, they trigger a baffle that floods the pit with seawater.
ZACK: (nodding knowledgeably) Booby traps.
ANGELA: Cool.
BRENNAN: (reading) The body was found at a dig site.
HODGINS: This is the first concrete evidence that the treasure is more than a legend. I'll bet this is from one of the men who buried the treasure.
BRENNAN: Pure conjecture!
HODGINS: (ignoring her) Pirate.
BOOTH: Pirate?
ZACK: (eyes wide) Pirate?
HODGINS: (breathless) It's a pirate.
ANGELA: (holding up a finger in objection) You can't change yours.
BOOTH: Wait. (getting excited now) So - so - the victim finds evidence that the treasure exists. Somebody else wants it all for themselves. That's certainly ... that's a good motive for murder.
HODGINS: We gotta get out to that dig site and see what else we can find. (eagerly) I'll be glad to help.
BOOTH: That's okay. I'll - I can handle it.
HODGINS: Come on, man, share the wealth!
BRENNAN: (admonishing tone) We are looking for answers, Jack, not treasure.
BOOTH: (also ignoring Brennan, grinning at Hodgins) Do you really think that treasure exists down there?
HODGINS: What do you think?
(Hodgins and Booth both start laughing; they exchange a look with Zack, who's also amused. Brennan gazes at them, a humoring yet mildly confused expression on her face.)
BRENNAN: Why are you guys smiling?
BOOTH, ZACK and HODGINS: (at the same time) Pirates!
BOOTH: Ha. Yeahhh.
ANGELA: It's a guy thing, sweetie.
(Brennan looks like she's not sure of the joke, still staring at the guys like they're insane)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Close-up of a massive pirate statue, complete with eye patch and a hat with a skull-and-crossbones emblem. Pan down to a marina where signs read "Welcome to Assateague" and "Assateague Island National Seashore." Booth and Brennan arrive, pulling into the area in his SUV.)
Location stamp on screen reads: Assateague Island U.S. National Seashore BOOTH: (clearly still thrilled at the prospect of pirates being involved in the case) Mm-hmm. Oh yeah.
(Brennan raises her eyebrows, close to an eye roll, and Booth drives on)
(Cut to: Wide aerial view of the excavation site - trucks, equipment, general dig area, as well as several large rectangular lights held on tall, ladder-like metal structures, and both workers and police officers milling about. Close-up of the front driver's side tire on Booth's vehicle as it rolls to a stop. Booth and Brennan immediately get out and travel on foot to the crime scene.)
BRENNAN: So the dead guy, Macy, ran the dig.
BOOTH: With his partner, Hardewicke, okay? He was hired by anyone with money to burn.
BRENNAN: Wha - people would do that? Sane people? Look for treasure?
BOOTH: (chuckling a little) Well, isn't that what archaeologists do?
BRENNAN: Archaeologists are scientists who use evidence on which to base their explorations ... not some pirate movie they saw when they were ten.
BOOTH: Yeah well, that, uh, 300-year-old bone that we just found sort of, uh - (as he lifts up the bright yellow crime scene tape so Brennan and he can duck under it, he adopts a 'piratey' tone) - changes things now, doesn't it there, matey? (dropping the joke, Booth approaches a waiting DEPUTY and pulls out his badge to identify himself before stuffing it back into the holder on his belt) What's goin' on over there? It's a crime scene.
DEPUTY: I tried to stop him, sir, but that's Branson Rose back there. The mayor told me to let him in.
BOOTH: Branson Rose is funding this dig? (huffs out a breath)
DEPUTY: Has been for two years, but I heard he was pullin' out.
BOOTH: All right, thanks. I'll take it from here.
DEPUTY: Sure.
(The deputy exits the area. Booth and Brennan continue up the path, talking.)
BRENNAN: Who's Branson Rose?
BOOTH: The billionaire adventurer. You know - (as two workers carrying a long length of pipe walk by, Booth takes Brennan by the shoulders and guides her out of their way) - he made his fortune making aircraft for the military. Owns about half the world. (still no reaction or recognition from Brennan) He's the guy who has that reality show that goes all over the world, and - (stops and stares at her, realizing) - still no TV. Why do I even bother? I - (shakes head, walking away)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Two men jogging up steep metal steps that lead to the dig site. GILES HARDEWICKE is chasing BRANSON ROSE, trying desperately to convince him as Rose keeps walking. Booth and Brennan are already at the top, waiting amidst the chaos of workers, equipment and lots of dirt.)
HARDEWICKE: You can't pull out right now, Mister Rose. We got a contract.
ROSE: So you can sue, but I don't think you have the resources to take me on.
HARDEWICKE: Mister Rose, we just broke two hundred feet now. If you pull out now -
(Booth clears his throat, but both men ignore him and keep arguing)
ROSE: I've been hearing that for two years, Hardewicke. (to his employees) Get off your asses and load my gear into the truck!
BOOTH: (tries again) Uh, excuse me.
HARDEWICKE: (agitated) Mister Rose, Macy - he knew it. He felt it. We're - this close!
(Booth and Brennan exchange a look)
BOOTH: Excuse me!
ROSE: (shaking his head at Hardewicke, both men still disregarding Booth) Two years. Two million dollars. There's nothing down there, Giles. Macy died for nothing.
BRENNAN: F.B.I.! You're all under arrest!
(Everyone within hearing distance of Brennan's exclamation stops what they're doing and turns to stare at her)
BOOTH: (yanks off his sunglasses, slightly annoyed) Come on, Bones, you don't get to say that. I'm the one with the badge.
HARDEWICKE: The F.B.I.'s involved now?
BOOTH: Oh yeah, you know, murder on federal land. We like to, uh, poke around a little.
ROSE: Murder?
BRENNAN: (steps up close behind Booth, staring down both Rose and Hardewicke from over Booth's left shoulder) Yeah. Murder.
ROSE: (to Hardewicke) You said it was an accident.
HARDEWICKE: (shrugs) That's what I thought.
ROSE: (considers this, realizing) Oh, my god. (he turns to peer down into the frothy water where the excavation dives take place and murmurs half to himself) He found something. (yells to his crew) Put my stuff back now! (he turns at last to Booth, who's been watching Rose carefully) What did Macy find that would be worth killing him for?
(With a slight smirk, Booth looks to Brennan)
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT ONE
(Interior - Jeffersonian - Medico Legal Lab - Platform. Close-up of a computer monitor screen filled with dates and data. A header at the top of the page reads "Blackbeard's Money Pit." A box pops up with details for the year 1832. Zack sits at the terminal, reading aloud.)
ZACK: In 1832, a team of six men looking for the treasure were killed when a shaft they were digging collapsed.
(Hodgins is perched on a chair, looking down at Zack and the computer screen)
HODGINS: (grinning) Blackbeard's curse, man.
ZACK: A curse? (shakes his head) We're scientists.
HODGINS: (reaching over to scroll down the screen) Look at this. 1902. Two men disappeared while digging. Never found their bodies. (laughs) Ho-ohhh, that's very "curse-y"!
ZACK: (looking intently at Hodgins) So you believe in pirates.
HODGINS: (mildly irritated now, the grin dropping from his face) Pirates aren't Santa, Zack. They did exist, they did have treasures, and they did bury it.
ZACK: You know, I had an eye patch when I was six.
HODGINS: Who didn't, my friend? (grins again) Who didn't?
(Zack smiles gratefully)
(Pan down to the lower level, where Brennan has an iron grip around Harry Tepper's upper arm as she walks him through the lab. Booth shows his ID badge to a guard and swipes it through the sensor machine at the foot of the stairs, then all three head up to the platform area. Harry is carrying a metal case.)
HARRY: It's not necessary to lead me like a child.
BRENNAN: I'd rather not have any more evidence compromised.
HARRY: You're squeezing my arm very tightly.
BRENNAN: Sorry.
HARRY: (smiling, as he leans his head toward her) No, no. It's okay.
BRENNAN: (ignores him, pointing at Hodgins who steps forward) You can give it to Doctor Hodgins.
HODGINS: (putting on latex gloves) What is this?
BRENNAN: Soil and water collected from Ted Macy's throat and lungs. (Harry opens the case, presenting it so that Hodgins can see the samples inside; meanwhile, Booth looks like he feels out of place in the lab, surrounded by all this science talk) He was found floating in his dry suit at the top of the shaft.
(Hodgins takes the sample container from Harry's case and begins to walk away, but Booth stops him)
BOOTH: All right, you know what we need you to do? Your dirt thing. You know, match the slime to the crime. Heh. (Everyone looks at Booth like he's ridiculous) Make sure that's where he was killed.
BRENNAN: (turns to Harry) I'd like to look at X-rays of the victim's skeleton.
HARRY: (smirks) Bossy.
(Booth holds up a warning finger at Harry)BOOTH: Do NOT go there.
HODGINS: In the interests of being thorough, I need to determine if he died at the top, or died at the bottom and ... floated up. (brings the sample over to a magnifier to inspect) I need silt abstracts from both levels.
BOOTH: Fine. We'll get those for you.
HODGINS: No, no. (points out something he sees through the lamp) No, the soil looks like an odd mixture of clay, plagioclase feldspar, pyroxene. (shakes head) I really wouldn't trust anyone else to harvest the samples properly.
BRENNAN: (no fool, a tiny smile on her face) You just wanna look for treasure.
(Booth nods his assessment too, smirking)
HODGINS: Wha - ? (scoffs, playing up his most serious, wide-eyed, incredulous face) I am a serious scientist ... merely trying to do my job as well as possible.
BOOTH: (squinting at Hodgins) That shaft is over two hundred feet deep, you know. (looks Hodgins over, a hint of challenge in his voice) Requires an experienced diver.
HODGINS: I am a certified cave diver, which means I can go deeper than two hundred feet. I dove Mayan Blue, Dos Ojos, Tortuga ... (impressed, Booth raises his eyebrows, but Brennan's expression is immovable and serious)
BRENNAN: Ever dive Naharon?
HODGINS: Once.
BRENNAN: I named Naharon.
HODGINS: Well, then how can you say no to me?
BRENNAN: (considers this a moment) Okay. (nodding her assent) But just to collect soil samples.
HODGINS: (elated) Of course.
(He exits exuberantly, possibly to go get his diving gear)
BOOTH: (stuttering a little, like Brennan's revealed yet another talent he didn't know about) You dive too?
BRENNAN: Yeah. I have the time because I don't own a TV.
(Brennan and Booth head for the stairs again, passing Harry who has a look of fantasy on his face)
HARRY: (wide-eyed) You wear a rubber suit then.
BOOTH: Uh -
(Booth lifts another finger of warning at Harry, stopping that dangerous train of thought)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Hodgins in a scuba suit, carrying equipment and many lengths of tubing from Booth's vehicle. He saunters by jauntily, clearly excited to be out in the field, as Booth and Hardewicke walk and talk.)
HARDEWICKE: Accidents happen, you know? Macy and I were prepared for that. But murder! Murder. Wow. (turns to face Booth as they walk) Anything I can do to help.
BOOTH: Okay, right, we'll talk about that a little later. (points in the direction of the excavation site) Right now I wanna get Hodgins down that shaft.
HARDEWICKE: Dane McGinnis. He's - he's the best I know. Uh, he's worked for us for years.
A VOICE: (calling out from behind them) Agent Booth! Are you ... Agent Booth?
(Booth turns to find a grey-haired man hurrying toward him. The man is dressed from head to toe in pirate garb.)
BOOTH: (chuckling) Sorry. You're gonna have to stay behind the yellow tape.
PIRATE MAN: I'm Mayor Ney. Your men keep pushing our tourists further and further back.
BOOTH: Mayor? Wow. (with a straight face, as he pulls off his sunglasses) I - I hope you didn't look like that when they elected you.
HARDEWICKE: Blackbeard's treasure is what keeps the economy on this little island running. The mayor here gets that ... sometimes too intensely.
NEY: (shrugs good-naturedly) Hey, I'm not ashamed. I've increased tourism sixty-three per cent since I took office, and I can boost it a bit more if the tourists could get a closer look.
BOOTH: (serious now) It - it's a murder scene, not a show.
NEY: Blackbeard's curse. Macy would have wanted to give a little back to the town that he loved.
(An attractive, dark-haired woman walks up to Mayor Ney. She is also dressed in costume - a short-skirted, ruffly-sleeved barmaid outfit.)
KATIE NEY: Frank, the police are telling them no pictures. (Booth looks her over, then glances at Hardewicke in amusement)
BOOTH: Now, who is this, huh? The pirate queen?
NEY: (puts his arm around her protectively) That's right. My wife, Katie.
BOOTH: (tone light but firm) That's right. Great. Listen, you just tell the tourists that the bad view is part of the curse. (to an FBI agent) Will you please escort the pirate and his wench behind the yellow tape? Thank you.
(Agent Booth puts his sunglasses back on, turning away from the Mayor and his wife. He and Hardewicke head up the nearby stairs toward the dive site.)
KATIE: Frank-
NEY: (protesting to the agent escorting them away) I'm the mayor!
BOOTH: (to Hardewicke) So Dane - he's a - experienced guy?
HARDEWICKE: I've worked with hundreds. He's the best.
BOOTH: All right.
(As they reach the platform, DANE MCGINNIS is standing at the top, waiting for them)
DANE: I hope this guy knows what he's doin'. It's tight down there.
HODGINS: (coming up the stairs, his eyes bright with excitement) Avast, ye lubbers!
(He whoops it up, laughing, as he unloads his armfuls of gear. Dane regards Hodgins wearily and remains quiet.)
HARDEWICKE: Dane, let's get him ready.
(Hodgins can't stop grinning)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Yard-view of the Jeffersonian building, with an expanse of green grass and hundreds of bushes of bright rosy-red flowers. Cut again to the inside of the building, back at the lab, from a monitor's close-up of the phalanx to Angela's inquisitive face as she walks by. She stops and leans against the railing, watching Brennan study the bone under a microscope.)
ANGELA: You think it's a pirate?
BRENNAN: (head bent over, eyes peering through the lenses of the scope) It's a 300-year-old finger from the left hand of a male. That's all I'm sure of so far.
ANGELA: Worth killing for?
BRENNAN: (gets up and heads over to another computer) I worked a case once where a woman was killed, dismembered and burned because her friend thought she'd taken her favorite pair of slippers.
(Angela takes a breath, her expression wincing yet slightly amused by Brennan's colorful candor)
ANGELA: Cheery.
BRENNAN: (still studying the computer's data) Maybe they're right. Maybe this man died burying the treasure. (pauses) Ironic. Stealing all that and never enjoying the spoils.
ANGELA: (slight smirk) So you believe there's treasure?
BRENNAN: (ponders a moment) I believe there's greed. That's the real curse.
(Angela folds her arms across her chest, considering this, as Brennan walks away)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Pan down from a gorgeous aerial view of the multitude of bright green trees and grasses surrounding the field area of the dig site, to the platform where Dane is helping Hodgins get dressed in his diving gear. Booth paces the platform as Hardewicke looks on.)
DANE: All right. Safety line, air hose. Either one breaks ... (he looks at Hodgins seriously) ... you ain't comin' back up.
HODGINS: (amusement in his voice) You gotta work on your bedside manner, dude.
(He reaches down for the piece that goes around his neck and begins to put it on)
DANE: You know what, I don't want to be responsible for some weekender ... (glances at Hardewicke, then gets in Hodgins' face a little, to make his point) ... who buys it down there because he thinks he's better than he is.
HODGINS: (smirks a little, unafraid) You wanna go down, don't you?
DANE: It's my shaft, okay? (prepping Hodgins' suit as he talks) I've been working it ten years. The feds, they say it's a crime scene. So I can't help. (he looks Hodgins in the eye, assessing his level of commitment)
HODGINS: (sincerely) You're helping me.
BOOTH: Why does he need the air line? Why can't he just use the tank?
DANE: Because a hundred foot down, that shaft ... gets a little cozy. (looks at Hodgins warily again) You ain't afraid of a tight squeeze, are you, Doc?
HODGINS: (unflinching) Gloves.
HARDEWICKE: (solemnly) Just take it slow, okay? Lot of stuff to catch your hose on, on the way down.
HODGINS: Yeah. I saw the pictures Rose took.
DANE: (half-laughs as he hands Hodgins the gloves) Rose. He never went as far as you're going. (there's a grave, pointed edge to his voice now) No one has.
(Booth puts his hands on his hips. This is Brennan's squint, under Booth's care, about to take a dangerous dive.)
BOOTH: Maybe he shouldn't try, you know? (glances at Hodgins before meeting Dane's eyes) People have died down there. Not just Macy.
DANE: I know. (looks up) My brother was one of 'em.
(Hodgins pauses for a moment, in the midst of pulling on the gloves. He's not laughing now. He glances at Booth and changes the subject.)
HODGINS: I'm going all the way down. What's at two hundred feet?
DANE: We just hit two hundred last week. You're gonna have to tell me.
HODGINS: (looks Dane in the eye, mildly defiant) Well, I'm ready.
DANE: (smiling just a little at his bravado) Okay!
(Dane picks up the dive helmet and places it over Hodgins' head. Booth is antsy, fidgeting, scratching his chin, watching as Dane makes his way around Hodgins, clicking the helmet into place. Hardewicke sits, watching quietly. At last Dane finishes and comes back around so Hodgins can see him through the glass mask. He makes an okay sign with his hand, and Hodgins returns the signal, to show everything seems good to go. As Hodgins turns to go down the shaft, Booth puts his hand on Hodgins' arm, stopping him a moment. He wordlessly looks at him over the top of his sunglasses, as if to say, "Are you sure you want to go through with this? Are you sure you can handle it? Okay then..." Hodgins gives him a slight nod and steps away, turning around so he can climb down the ladder while facing the other three men. He gives them a goofy grin, like he's living a childhood dream. As Booth assists him with one hand, he makes his way down the ladder and into the water.)
DANE: (lowering the length of air hose into the water as Hodgins fully submerges) Your friend better be as good as he says he is.
BOOTH: You just take care of him, all right?
(Hodgins is gone, hidden beneath the depths of the water as it bubbles up from his breathing. Dane finishes threading the air line and steps over to the radio to adjust the frequency.)
DANE: Hodgins, you read me?
HODGINS: (voice heard through the speakers) I hear you loud and clear.
(Close-up of Hodgins in his dive suit, focused, moving down quickly, his face lit up by the bright blue luminescence from his helmet lamp. The water is green and hazy, and tiny bubbles rush up from behind his head. He can hear Dane's directions through his earpiece.)
DANE: There's some jagged edges. Keep clear of them.
BOOTH: (still watching the water where Hodgins disappeared, whispering as he reluctantly steps away from the edge and over to the radio) Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hodgins. (louder, trying to reach him on the radio) Hodgins.
HODGINS: (voice over the loudspeaker) It's warm.
(Close-up on one of the computer monitors, which shows a map of the entire shaft, scored throughout with measurement markers. Hardewicke points to a detailed view of the section Hodgins is currently passing through - he can be seen as a blinking red dot on the screen.)
HARDEWICKE: Passing the first flood trap. We lost our first man there.
(Back to Hodgins in the shaft, studying the surrounding walls as he makes his way down.)
HODGINS: There's wood here ... below the limestone.
BOOTH: (eyes glued to the computer screen) Does he make any sense to you?
DANE: (looks up as he feeds Hodgins more air line) Yeah. He's passing the site of the first pit collapse.
(Back to Hodgins in the shaft, as he takes his time, then to the computer monitor which shows how the area narrows abruptly.)
HODGINS: It's tight down here. There's a lot of debris. (back to a close-up of Hodgins, as he turns and maneuvers himself) I'm not sure if I can squeeze through.
DANE: (finally impressed, as he watches the monitor and threads more air hose) Hey, this guy swims like a squid!
BOOTH: (frowning, tense) He swims like a squint.
DANE: What?
BOOTH: Never mind. (he keeps watching the monitor)
(Pan down from Hodgins' legs as he gets past the narrow section and into an area with a bit more breathing room)
HODGINS: Okay. I'm clear now.
(Another monitor shows a clear picture of Hodgins' head, and his hand touching the cave wall)
DANE: Good picture, too. (glances at Hardewicke) We can't get resolution like that.
BOOTH: (tersely) Yeah well, he's a geek who works for the government. (quickly changes the subject) You ever find anything down here?
DANE: (still guiding lengths of air hose down into the water) Not yet.
BOOTH: Ten years of finding nothing, and you keep trying.
DANE: (eyes watching the monitor with a bit more excitement now, easing up as he gains confidence in Hodgins' abilities) It's all about the search, man.
HARDEWICKE: He's at a hundred and seventy feet. (cuts back and forth between shots of Hodgins breathing heavily and gliding down deep into the cavern, and Hardewicke counting off the points as Hodgins passes them) One-eighty. (Booth crosses his arms in front of him) ... Ninety... (Dane watches intently from his position) No one's ever been this deep. (pause) He's at two hundred.
(Pan down as Hodgins' feet hit ground - Booth, Hardewicke and Dane are watching the monitors closely now)
HODGINS: Touchdown. I am on the bottom. Visibility is ... surprisingly good. (close-up of his gloved hand brushing aside rock and debris) Wait a minute - there's - there's something here. (frowning, as he realizes what he's found) Holy-
HARDEWICKE: What is that?
HODGINS: (breathless) Oh, my-
DANE: Is that -
(Hodgins' hands lift a skull from the loose soil)
HARDEWICKE: Oh, my goodness - it's there!
(Dane hoots and high-fives Hardewicke; both men laugh and cheer as Booth stares at the screen, fascinated)
DANE: Whoo! Can you believe that?
(The hazy blue glow is eerie on Hodgins' wide-eyed face as he holds up the skull to take a closer look)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Medico Legal Lab. Pan up from the edge of the lab table to the length of it where a skeleton is slowly being assembled)
BRENNAN: I'm amazed you found a complete skeleton.
ZACK: C-14 dating matches at three hundred years.
BRENNAN: (standing at the head of the table, studying the skeleton) Subject is male, early twenties, approximately five feet ... (makes her way around, carefully setting a "ring finger" bone in its proper place) ... six inches.
ZACK: (facing her, holding a file folder) Legs are bowed, result of visible calcium and phosphate deficiency.
(Hodgins and Booth stand at a computer monitor in the background and exchange a look of delight)
BRENNAN: He had rickets as a child, but his upper body is extraordinarily well developed.
(She looks to Booth and Hodgins as they join her at the table)
ZACK: Epiphyseal separation in the long bones. Sunken sternum forms scorbutic rosary ... (Booth's eyes follow Zack's hand as he points out the region) ... at costochondral margin.
(Hodgins waits, eagerly anticipating their final results)
BRENNAN: He suffered from scurvy as well as tertiary syphilis.
BOOTH: (shakes his head) What's with the "tertiary"? Isn't plain old syphilis bad enough? (Brennan gives him a look)
ZACK: Scurvy, syphilis ... (shakes his head, unable to contain himself any longer) ... pirate.
HODGINS: There is anthropological evidence which supports the claim that Blackbeard executed his burial crews after they were done digging.
(The whole time Hodgins says this, Booth is nodding enthusiastically and pointing at him in agreement)
BRENNAN: (her eyes bright and amused, giving in to the others' zeal) Okay. Let's ... say it's a pirate.
(Zack nods his approval)
HODGINS: Yes!
BRENNAN: (getting into the spirit of things, with a grand smile) This would be an extraordinary find.
(Booth rubs his hands together, excited, as Hodgins grins widely)
BOOTH: (tapping two fingers together animatedly as he emphasizes each word) And ... would open up the reality ... (unfolds both hands dramatically) ... of the treasure!
BRENNAN: It would be stupid to dismiss anything at this point. But we need to discover why the ossein isn't fully decomposed from being waterlogged for so long.
(Booth looks like he's ready to get right on that, but stops ... if only he were a scientist. Hodgins readily jumps in, walking over to the computer where he points at a mapped section of the shaft.)
HODGINS: About fifty feet down the shaft is a layer of blue putty consisting of silicone and clay. It could be used to form a watertight seal.
BRENNAN: That would explain the condition of the bones.
(Booth looks to Hodgins excitedly, adjusting his belt and grinning like a kid)
HODGINS: I took samples of the same blue clay between 200 and 207 feet. Something is buried down there.
BRENNAN: And these bones were lying on top of it.
BOOTH: Macy was killed because of something that he found.
HODGINS: The silt in his throat and lungs confirms he was killed at the top of the shaft.
ZACK: (getting in on the fun of conjecture) After he swam back up with the treasure.
(DR. DANIEL GOODMAN, administrator of the Jeffersonian, enters the room)
DR. GOODMAN: Special Agent Booth. (everyone turns to look at Goodman, who is clearly not up for pirate silliness at this moment) I hate to interrupt your investigation, Agent Booth, but there's an angry billionaire in my office, and ... he won't go away.
(Booth exchanges an inquisitive look with Brennan)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Goodman's office. Billionaire Branson Rose paces, confronting Dr. Goodman, Booth, and Brennan about the discovery.)
ROSE: It's simple. You have something that belongs to me, and I'm not leaving here without it.
BOOTH: (leaning against Goodman's desk, unimpressed with Rose's blustering) A day ago, you couldn't wait to leave, pull out of the island, cut your losses. You remember that?
ROSE: A lot can change in a day.
BOOTH: (acerbically) Yeah. For Ted Macy, a lot changed.
ROSE: Look, I'm sorry about Ted. But I'll be damned if the federal government swoops in here at the eleventh hour and steals what I've been trying to find for two years.
GOODMAN: (calmly, from his seated place behind his desk) I fail to see what this has to do with the Jeffersonian.
ROSE: (firmly) Those bones belong to me. They were uncovered at my site. I was granted a permit to dig there and keep what was found. (Goodman takes a measured breath but says nothing) My attorneys assure me you have no claim to those bones.
BOOTH: (laughter in his voice) Oh sure, man, your attorney wants to go to court for the next twenty years and buy himself a nice vacation home in Tuscany. (turning serious) But the fact is when Ted Macy was murdered, your property became our evidence.
BRENNAN: And it's going to stay that way until we find the killer.
ROSE: (chuckles sardonically) I was hoping to settle this amicably. (he turns to leave)
BOOTH: (sarcastic) Really. Because, you know, we haven't seen that yet.
ROSE: (gives Booth a dismissive look) Bah.
(Rose exits, slamming the door)
(Booth stands upright, adjusting his belt and rubbing the back of his head in frustration)
GOODMAN: This is going to be a headache. He has some very important friends.
BRENNAN: You know, I don't understand why he's so upset. It's not like he needs the money.
BOOTH: (snaps his fingers) But he has partners that do. Macy and Hardewicke were gonna split what they found.
BRENNAN: But Macy is dead.
BOOTH: Exactly. Leaving Hardewicke with a bigger piece of the pie.
(Brennan shakes her head, marveling at this train of thought - seems the 'curse' of greed may have a hand in the case after all)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: 4x6 photograph of Hardewicke and Macy. He holds it out for Booth to see, as they walk along the edge of the entire dig site, past all the equipment and trucks and boats.)
HARDEWICKE: This is from our very first dig together. Ah, we found this - this chest buried under a flood drain up in, uh, Smith's Cove in New England. (Booth takes the photo, looking at it, reveling in the story of the treasure) There was no treasure, but you know, just to unearth something that's that old, had that much history - we were hooked. Never looked back.
BOOTH: Yeah, I glanced through your company history. I mean, business was pretty slow since you didn't find any treasure out here. (hands back the photo) You were getting fewer and fewer clients.
HARDEWICKE: (looks down) Yeah ... it's been difficult.
BOOTH: Branson Rose was almost your last chance.
HARDEWICKE: There's always somebody who wants to look for treasure.
BOOTH: (voice light) Really.
HARDEWICKE: Yeah.
BOOTH: (tone measured, testing) 'Cause, you know, if Branson Rose, he pulls out, you'd get a lot of publicity. You can end up - (whistles) - sinking your business.
HARDEWICKE: Yeah, but Macy found something finally. And we're gonna share the find with Rose - fifty per cent for him, fifty for us.
BOOTH: Exactly.
HARDEWICKE: (looks at Booth for a moment) Oh, I see. More for me if Macy's out of the picture, right? (stops walking and steps right in front of Booth) You're forgettin' one thing. Macy was like family to me.
BOOTH: Really.
HARDEWICKE: Look at this. (lifts up his shirt to reveal a long, curved white scar along his ribcage) See that? I got that pullin' Macy out of a sinkhole back in '93. (Booth lifts his sunglasses for a moment, to get a better look) And he's got plenty of scars on him because of me, too. (drops the hem of his shirt back down)
BOOTH: Hmm. (lifts Hardewicke's shirt back up) How'd you get all those bruises around your scar there, huh?
(Hardewicke pulls his shirt back down, and pauses before responding)
HARDEWICKE: The mayor.
BOOTH: How's the mayor figure into all this?
HARDEWICKE: His wife. You saw her, right? Well, Macy was a bit of a hound, if you know what I mean.
BOOTH: (raises both his eyebrows) Sleeping with the pirate queen?
HARDEWICKE: The mayor got suspicious. He came around last week. And I ended up taking the heat for Macy, because Macy's like my brother. And I'll tell you, that scrawny little pirate, he can kick too. I'm lucky he didn't have time to load that flintlock. (metallic clattering is heard) Charlie! (looks away, toward his crew in the distance) Put - No! Put that down! Leave it there! What are you doing?
(Hardewicke dashes off as Booth stands there, thinking)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Brennan entering the bones room, as she pulls on a fresh pair of gloves. The exam table is empty.)
BRENNAN: Zack? (he doesn't respond immediately, so she comes back out of the room, agitated) Zack! The bones. What did you do with the bones?
(Zack heeds her call and walks past her into the room, baffled)
ZACK: Nothing, Doctor Brennan. I left them on the table just like you asked ... (he stops short when he sees the empty table)
(The skeleton is gone. Brennan storms out of the room again, shouting for anyone to hear.)
BRENNAN: Where the HELL are my bones!?
END OF ACT ONE
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT TWO
(Cut to: Exterior shot of the courtyard in front of the Jeffersonian building, with bright green lawn, lots of bushes with brightly colored flowers, and a big fountain shooting curves of water. Return to interior, back at the Jeffersonian - Medico Legal Lab - Platform. Brennan is standing in front of Dr. Goodman, stretching to her full height, angrily getting in his face.)
BRENNAN: Bones don't just disappear. I thought this was a secure facility. YOU assured me this was a secure facility. I could be working at Stanford, you know. (starts to storm off, with Goodman following her) This never would've happened at Stanford!
GOODMAN: We spend three-quarters of a million dollars annually on security.
BRENNAN: (turns back to face him again) Obviously that's not enough. I want my bones! (Booth is at the bottom of the stairs, swiping his ID badge and jogging up the steps to the platform; Brennan turns to get in his face now) Did you find my bones?
BOOTH: (hands up in a defensive position) Oooh, maybe you just wanna, you know, chill a little?
BRENNAN: Chill??
BOOTH: Yeah, you know, take a pill?
BRENNAN: (still angry, mocking Booth's blasé tone) Listen, duuude ... my lab was violated, my bones are stolen, so I think I'll remain warm for a little while longer.
(Angela joins the other three)
ANGELA: Honey, maybe you should focus on your breathing.
BOOTH: (shrugs in casual agreement, trying to help calm Brennan down) Breathing.
ANGELA: Count to ten.
BOOTH: Ten.
ANGELA: Have a shot of Jack.
BOOTH: Shot of Jack. (Brennan rolls her eyes at him) Look, we're doing everything that we can, okay? I promise you, we're gonna find your bones, but you have to allow us to do our job.
BRENNAN: (taking a breath) I guess I wasn't ... helping all that much, was I? I'm - I'm-
ANGELA: (prompts her) "Sorry." (she smiles) It's cool.
BOOTH: Hey ... (claps his hands together) ... look on the bright side. I mean, this whole theft thing could be good for us, right? I mean, whoever took the bones obviously had something to do with the murder. We're gettin' closer.
GOODMAN: I've ordered all on-duty security personnel to give a minute-by-minute account of their rounds.
BOOTH: I want account of all off-duty personnel as well.
(Zack's voice precedes him as he joins the group)
ZACK: They didn't get everything.
(Everyone turns to look at him)
BOOTH: I thought all the bones were on the table.
ZACK: All the new ones. I was still examining the original finger bone we found for scurvy, so it was in my room. (he holds out the phalanx in the palm of his hand, and Brennan carefully takes it from him, examining it closer)
BRENNAN: There is something they don't want us to find on this bone.
(She holds the bone up for Booth to see)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Assateague Island. Katie Ney and Booth talk and walk along the edge of the marina.)
KATIE: Everyone knew Macy. Helped Frank get elected.
BOOTH: So you would categorize your relationship as just friends?
KATIE: Yeah. (looks away from Booth, smiling cheerfully) Friends. It's a small town. We're all friends.BOOTH: Well, whoever killed Macy wasn't too friendly.
KATIE: He wouldn't hurt a soul. Macy. (slightly wistful expression on her face) He was a sweet guy.
BOOTH: The way you're talkin' about him, it seems like you were more than just friends.
(Katie stops walking, turns to face the water. She places a hand on the railing, her amiable expression shifting to one of sadness and disgust.)
KATIE: Hardewicke told you, right? Like he's such a saint.
BOOTH: How involved were the two of you?
KATIE: It was just ... one of those things, you know? I wasn't gonna leave Frank or anything. I guess I wanted to see what it was like to be with a real adventurer, rather than a guy who dresses up like one.
BOOTH: Frank went after Hardewicke when he thought it was him.
KATIE: (faces Booth again) You think Frank killed him? You saw Frank.
BOOTH: Well, yeah, you know, he's a little, ah ... (careful tone) ... a little unstable. And he finds out somebody ... made a fool of him twice, I-
KATIE: It's Hardewicke and the rich guy you should be looking at. Macy said they were all fighting over the money they were spending. Said Hardewicke didn't appreciate all the work he did, wanted to break up the company.
BOOTH: Well, we're - we're looking at everyone. Thanks. (turns to walk away)
KATIE: Sure. But - (she stops him; appears to be contrite and concerned) - all this coming up again ... (long pause) ... just try not to ruin my marriage, okay? I made a mistake. (near tears now) But I love that stupid pirate, and I don't want to lose him.
BOOTH: (nodding, keeping his tone light) Well, thanks for talking to me. I'll - I'll be in touch.
(Booth walks away, shaking his head to himself over the insanity of this entire case, as Katie looks out over the water again)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Monitor close-up of Hodgins' gloved hands as he carefully places the sole remaining bone fragment under a microscope.)
HODGINS: The periosteal surface on the phalanx doesn't have any ingrained particulates that I can recover.
(Brennan joins him, taking a pair of gloves from the table)
BRENNAN: The solution that the M.E. used probably dissolved anything that was lodged in any ... surface irregularities.
ZACK: (tosses a file folder onto the exam table behind him) Who would clean a bone before extracting all available information from it?
(Hodgins looks thoughtful)
BRENNAN: Not everyone is as thorough as we are, Zack.
ZACK: (puts his hands on his hips) So true. So true.
(Hodgins is lost in fantasizing, perhaps still on a high from his adventure in the field)
HODGINS: I wonder if there was gold dust on it.
(Brennan gives Hodgins a reproachful look)
BRENNAN: Perhaps you should start working with a parrot on your shoulder.
HODGINS: (still smiling) You're not curious?
BRENNAN: Yes. About the facts. (amused, Hodgins says nothing; he walks away as Brennan studies the bone up close) There's a small hole along the distal articular facet of the finger. Could be a foramen, but it could be something else, man-made.
ZACK: A ... weapon?
BRENNAN: Maybe. (tosses the bone back into the Petri dish) See if you can find any possible matches. (she starts to leave the room)
ZACK: (expression of concentration) I wonder if there are any other similar marks on Macy.
(Brennan turns back, pulling off her gloves)
BRENNAN: I'll find out. And ... (she holds up a warning finger, ordering him sternly) ... don't let that bone out of your sight.
(She exits the room; Zack looks a little worried to have that kind of responsibility in his hands)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Spinal X-ray being slapped up onto a light board. Pull back to see Booth standing next to Harry, as they both look at the film, in the F.B.I. morgue.)
BOOTH: Doctor Brennan thought you might have overlooked a weapon of some kind.
(Pull back further to see Brennan is actually in the room. Booth seems to be mediating so Harry and Brennan don't fight again.)
HARRY: (scoffs) He wasn't killed by any weapon. He was strangled. (looks to Brennan, pointing on the X-ray) The larynx is crushed. (tilts his head toward Booth) It's plain.
BRENNAN: (pointing out a discovery of her own on the same X-ray) And C-2 through C-4 are fractured. That wouldn't have occurred if he were merely strangled.
HARRY: (pauses briefly) If the victim was shaken while being strangled...
BRENNAN: The fractures are all left to right, approximately forty-five degree angles on each bone. (Harry purses his lips, holding his tongue for the moment; Booth shrugs at him and looks like he agrees with Brennan this time) That means the head was jerked to the left and up, making sure that the spinal cord would tear. The larynx was crushed when his neck was broken.
HARRY: (mildly snide) I'm always open to being corrected. Why do you think there might have been a weapon?
BRENNAN: I saw a small perforation in the finger bone which you decided to put in the solvent. Did you damage the bone? (Booth looks to Harry, curious) Poke it? Stick it ... in some way?
HARRY: (irritated and defiant now) Still angry. Okay. No, I handled it according to protocol - rubber gloves, right into the solvent.
BRENNAN: Something damaged that bone, and it didn't happen three hundred years - (she stops talking, realizing something ... which she does not share with Booth or Harry) - Wait a minute.
(Without another word, Brennan exits the morgue, leaving Booth looking confused and Harry smirking like he thinks he won that argument)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Medico Legal Lab. Zack holds a tray of implements in front of Booth. Brennan stands nearby.)
ZACK: I have alternatives that could've caused the hole. This ... (holds up a short, thin, metal implement) ... is a disposable acupuncture needle. (he places it back on the tray)
BOOTH: Oh, come on. (he looks to Brennan, almost rolling his eyes) He was healed to death?
ZACK: This ... (holds up a curled-up piece of wire) ... is a filament used for an angioplasty. (he returns the wire to the tray and reaches for the next object)
BRENNAN: Hand me the wire.
(Zacks gives it to her; Brennan picks up the bone fragment, connects the wire to the hole in the bone and carries it to a desk where she places the bone and wire in a Petri dish and holds a blue light to it - a light, circular mark appears on the bone)
BOOTH: What are you doing?
BRENNAN: Diminished fluorescence. That only happens if the bones have been cleaned and treated. These bones didn't start out in the shaft. They were placed there. (Zack nods)
BOOTH: (confused, arms crossed over his chest as he looks to both Brennan and Zack) What? Who's got 300-year-old bones?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Luxuriously crafted, wood-and-glass display case containing a skull and other bones. The case has been brought into the lab at the Jeffersonian. A well-dressed older man with gold wire-rimmed glasses stands with stiff, proper posture, at the head of the case. He is HARLEY FRANKEL, the curator of the Jeffersonian's museum.)
FRANKEL: I assure you, everything here is authentic, Doctor Brennan. I curated this exhibit for the Jeffersonian myself. (he joins Booth and Brennan at the other end of the case, near the locked latch)
BRENNAN: (unmoved) Could you please open the case?
FRANKEL: This is a beautiful specimen ... (he reaches over and opens the case for her) ... found in Jamaica. We believe he sailed with Henry Morgan.
(Brennan reaches into the container and removes one of the bones - she examines it closely)
BRENNAN: He's never been on a boat in his life.
FRANKEL: That's absurd. (Brennan snaps the bone in half) Oh, my God.
BRENNAN: These bones are artificial. It's acrylic, not bone. (she shows him the inside of the "bone") You can see on the real bone the hole where the wire was threaded when the bones were assembled for display.
FRANKEL: (horrified, looking sick to his stomach) Then where is the rest of my sailor?
BOOTH: He was planted in a shaft at Assateague Island to make the whole ... treasure business seem real. But somebody found out.
FRANKEL: Who?
BRENNAN: A murderer.
END OF ACT TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT THREE
(Close up of an African art mask in Dr. Goodman's office. FBI Deputy Director SAM CULLEN is pacing in one direction; Goodman in another, hands clasped behind his back. Booth leans against a chair as Brennan stands, watching carefully.)
CULLEN: Okay, let me see if I get this straight. The pirate bones you recovered came from the Jeffersonian to start with.
BRENNAN: Correct.
(Goodman stands still, posture perfect, in order to respond properly to Cullen)
GOODMAN: 300-year-old bones stolen from our own pirate exhibit.
CULLEN: And then recovered by one of your own people?
BOOTH: Doctor Hodgins.
CULLEN: (stops pacing) - who brought them back to the Jeffersonian ... where they were stolen again?
BOOTH: Re-stolen ... sir.
CULLEN: You got a security problem, Doctor Goodman.
GOODMAN: (mildly defensive tone) And when I find out who did this, you may have a murder problem.
BOOTH: (looks to Goodman) But I - I'm - on top of it, okay? (to his boss, Cullen) You didn't have to come down here, sir.
CULLEN: That's what I thought until I got a call from someone on the Department of Defense.
BOOTH: Defense? How do they figure into a murder investigation?
CULLEN: (arms crossed) Branson Rose. He has friends in high places and they don't like it when the guy who builds their bombers is unhappy.
BRENNAN: Are they afraid he'll bomb them?
(Booth gives Brennan a quick look, as if to say "Bones, what are you doing? Don't tick off my boss.")
CULLEN: (glares at Brennan) What? What is that? (levels his gaze at Booth next) Squint humor? Because I'm not laughing. (Booth stays silent, head down, his jaw tightening) Defense doesn't need a reason to go to war, and I'm not about to be their next target.
BRENNAN: We haven't ruled Rose out as a suspect.
CULLEN: Well, of course not. You're too busy looking for your bones.
GOODMAN: (steps in) Let's not make this personal.
CULLEN: Rose wants to keep playing in the mud, and his big-shot friends are going to see that that happens unless we come up with some answers fast.
BOOTH: At this point, it appears as if the stolen 300-year-old bones are being used to, you know, salt the shaft.
BRENNAN: "Salt the shaft"?
(Booth stands up to face her and explain)
BOOTH: Yeah. You know, an investor spends a million bucks. He gets antsy when nothin' happens, and then - voila - (he throws up his hands momentarily) - you know, pirate bones appear and, uh, the golden goose keeps, you know ... [sputters and squats to "demonstrate"] ... laying those eggs.
BRENNAN: (staring at him, disturbed) Okay, that is a ... convoluted metaphor, Booth.
GOODMAN: (helping her out) It's a hoax, Doctor Brennan. Like Piltdown man.
BRENNAN: Oh, got it. (back to Booth) Why can't you be clear like that?
(Booth shakes his head at her; he looks like he has no idea what Dr. Goodman is referring to, and is relieved when Cullen interrupts)
CULLEN: Assume the bones were stolen-
BRENNAN: Re-stolen.
CULLEN: - Re-stolen so you wouldn't find out they were bogus. How did you?
BRENNAN: How did I what?
GOODMAN: From the finger. They didn't get the entire skeleton. Would you like Doctor Brennan to take you through the process?
CULLEN: (groans) I really, really wouldn't. (turns to Booth) So who do you like?
BOOTH: (confident this time) I like the partner.
BRENNAN: Giles Hardewicke.
BOOTH: Access, motive, ability.
CULLEN: Doctor Goodman, the F.B.I. will provide whatever help you need to solve your breach of security at the Jeffersonian. (to Booth) You work the, uh, partner angle. (he walks out of Goodman's office)
(Booth looks a little stressed)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Excavation site. Night. Small floodlights illuminate the area where both Hodgins and Dane are sitting in folding chairs. There are beer bottles in a box on a tray next to them. Hodgins knocks back the last of his bottle and returns it to the tray.)
DANE: Well, my father worked the fishing boat. His dad before that. Heck, me and my brother, we never knew anything but the sea. Huntin' for treasure just sorta grew outta that, I guess.
HODGINS: Any regrets?
DANE: Sure. My brother.
HODGINS: (sobering at the thought, he nods) Yeah.
DANE: (half-laughs) Heh. That and the fact that they might shut us down.
(Hodgins grins, wagging a finger at Dane)
HODGINS: Hey, not if we find something, huh?
DANE: (smiles) You know, I thought you were gonna turn out to be just another desk jockey. You read a few books and was lookin' for somethin' to brighten up his boring-ass life.
HODGINS: (sits up straighter in his chair) Tell you what, I'd be down in that shaft right now if Big Brother didn't have the minimum time requirement between dives.
DANE: (laughing) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! You ... (he reaches over and grabs another beer, pops the cap, hands it Hodgins) ... deserve to be here. You really do.
HODGINS: (sincerely appreciative) Thanks for that. (careful pause) I guess it's all right to tell you ... the bones were planted. (a few expressions cross Dane's face as he absorbs this information - weariness, sorrow, and resigned humor - he looks away momentarily, shakes his head and returns his gaze to Hodgins) You don't seem surprised.
(Hodgins takes a sip of his beer and watches Dane curiously)
DANE: (looks over at the shaft for a moment) Man, nothin' surprises me outta that gosh dang pit anymore. Nahhh. (long pause as Dane's face falls and a morose mood sets in) I mean, you dig down far enough, you'll come out in Hell. (Hodgins nods, understanding) So, uh, if you don't find anything, you gonna shut us down?
HODGINS: (chuckles) Hey, I'm not F.B.I. I'm just a scientist. (he takes another drink)
DANE: (still serious) It's a crime scene. I'm surprised they let you down there.
HODGINS: Hey, I'm an expert in silt, plants and insects. (laughing) That's right. I got three doctorates.
DANE: (laughs, holding up his hands in defeat) Whoa!
HODGINS: (leans forward in his chair) When you got three doctorates and you tell the F.B.I. you need more samples, who's gonna argue? One doctorate ... (he lifts his bottle, shrugging in amusement) ... yeah, maybe they argue, but ... three? (he grins, snickering as he swigs some more of his beer)
DANE: (eyes lighting up) You wanna go back down again, don't you?
(Hodgins gets serious for a moment, leaning forward in his chair again, elbows on his knees. He looks away for a moment, then takes a deep breath and exhales, nodding at Dane.)
HODGINS: I could use your help, man.
DANE: (lets out a laugh, pointing a finger at him) You got the bug, man!
HODGINS: (grinning) Hey, like I said, I AM the bug man.
DANE and HODGINS: (clinking beer bottles) Grrr-arrrgh!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: The marina. Day. Hardewicke, Booth and Brennan walk together, talking.)
HARDEWICKE: (carrying a toolbox, he looks to Booth) If you lost the bones, how do you know they're fake?
BOOTH: They - they didn't get everything. (he exchanges a look with Brennan)
HARDEWICKE: Ah. A stroke of luck for the good guys.
BRENNAN: We will find out how those bones were stolen from the Jeffersonian.
HARDEWICKE: (looks at Brennan briefly) You still think I did it, don't you?
BRENNAN: Why were you going to break up the company?
(The trio comes to a standstill, as Hardewicke sets down his toolbox and turns to face Brennan and Booth)
HARDEWICKE: (laughing heartily) Let me guess, Katie Ney told you that.
BOOTH: (smiling slightly) What makes you think it was Katie?
HARDEWICKE: That was a stock part of Macy's seduction technique, and it was very effective. "I risk my life down in that hole while my partner stays safe topside." (Brennan's expression doesn't change, but Booth half-laughs, nodding, amused at Macy's "cleverness" with trying to impress women) That's how he positioned himself as the heroic explorer. (pause) Which he was, by the way, when it came to the ladies.
BOOTH: Your partnership was intact?
HARDEWICKE: (immediately serious) Till death did us part. (no hesitation) I'll tell you what. I'm gonna give you guys full access to the books. You don't even need a search warrant. (unwavering now) There's not a single way in which my life is better off without Macy ... Like I said, I miss the man.
(Brennan considers this, watching quietly as Hardewicke picks up his toolbox and walks away)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Medico Legal Lab - at Angela's computer. Angela stands, hunched over her keyboard, as Dr. Goodman looks on.)
ANGELA: The bones were stolen twice. The first time from the pirate exhibit. The second time from the bone room here in the Medico-Legal Lab.
GOODMAN: And the security in the lab is tighter so the camera is continuous, but the camera in the rotunda is stop-action, every three seconds.
ANGELA: (fast-forwarding through the security tape, the activity of which moves at rapid speed on her monitor) I started with the lab theft because we know the bones were stolen between nine p.m. and six a.m. Okay, watch ... here.
(The monitor shows the bone room with the lab table in question - in one second the bones are still assembled, resting on the table; the next moment, they disappear)
GOODMAN: The bones are gone.
ANGELA: Notice the time code.
GOODMAN: What's that?
ANGELA: The camera was turned off.
GOODMAN: (studies the screen) The camera was turned off for one minute and ... forty-six seconds.
ANGELA: (nodding) It would take a lot less time than that to enter the room and gather up the bones and ... escape.
(Dr. Goodman looks at her, thinking)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Dr. Goodman and Angela exiting the room, walking slowly, Angela holding a stopwatch.)
GOODMAN: Now.
(Angela clicks the start button on the stopwatch)
ANGELA: Doctor Goodman?
(Goodman is walking slowly through the hallway, studying the area, as Angela follows him)
GOODMAN: Yes?
ANGELA: Can I ask, why are we doing this investigation instead of security?
(He's not really listening to her - he frowns, concentrating. He's calculating something in his head.)
GOODMAN: We shouldn't walk too quickly. It would arouse suspicion. Neither would our thief.
ANGELA: I'm happy to help, but we do have actual security professionals...
GOODMAN: Is there any way to tell if those tapes have been doctored?
ANGELA: (responds slowly as she tries to understand what he's up to) Yeah. Since they're physical magnetic tapes, not stored digitally.
GOODMAN: I always did like analog better. Now I know why.
ANGELA: (still confused at Goodman's train of thought here) My point is, is that I'm only an amateur at this, and I'm sure the security department is better equipped and trained-
GOODMAN: (looking past Angela, lifting his chin, all official and stately as he walks and talks) Afternoon, Paul. Best to Susan and Laura. I hope Johnny feels better.
PAUL: (off-screen) Thank you, Doctor Goodman.
ANGELA: (mildly sarcastic) Okay, you don't want to talk about it. I get it. (Goodman stops walking) Sir?
GOODMAN: Hit your stopwatch, please, Miss Montenegro. (she does what he asks)
ANGELA: (looking at the stopwatch screen) Thirty-five point six seconds.
GOODMAN: Double that for a round trip. That's one minute, ten seconds, leaving approximately thirty seconds to bag the bones and get back.
ANGELA: Get back where? (Goodman glances over - they've stopped directly in front of the security guards' office) Ohhhh. (she realizes now and smiles at Goodman, impressed) Huh. (she stops smiling) Wow, you must think I'm an idiot.GOODMAN: (takes her by the elbow and moves her away from the security station) I was grandstanding. I can be like that.
ANGELA: So we find out what guards were on duty during the two thefts and ... we might have our thief.
(Goodman nods)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Interrogation of uniformed security guard ERIC HUGHES, who is sitting at a desk. He's sweating a bit. Booth stands on one side of him, Goodman on the other. Brennan is standing next to Booth.)
HUGHES: (looking up at Goodman) I didn't see the harm.
BRENNAN: (coming up from behind) In stealing human remains?
HUGHES: After three hundred years, it's not like he's got a family grieving for him out there.
(Goodman's hands are on his hips - he's angry)
GOODMAN: Think of me as a grieving parent.
BOOTH: (casually leaning against a bookcase) Grand theft, buddy. You're lookin' at eight years.
GOODMAN: If I don't kill you.HUGHES: (getting upset) Come on! What's a bunch of old bones like that worth? Nothing.
BOOTH: How much you get for 'em?HUGHES: Couple a hundred bucks.
(Goodman sticks his hands in his pockets, an expression of annoyance crossing his face at this news. He glares, looming over the guard.)BOOTH: Yeah. So this, uh ... (clears throat, and sets a piece of paper in front of Hughes) ... wire transfer into your bank for ten grand ... was that - (pats his shoulder) - inheritance?
(Hughes looks concerned now - he's in big trouble)
BRENNAN: Who did you steal them for?HUGHES: (mutters) We didn't really do the name exchange thing.
BOOTH: Somebody approached you?
HUGHES: Yeah.
(Booth lays down three photos for Hughes to examine - Macy, Hardewicke and Rose)
BOOTH: Let's see. Okay, which one was it?
HUGHES: (looking at the photos) Well, which time?
(Brennan's eyes widen - she glances at Goodman, who rolls his eyes)
BOOTH: (getting irritated) The first time.
HUGHES: Him. (points to a close-up photo of Macy's corpse on Harry's morgue table) But ... (scrutinizes the photo) ... he looked better.
GOODMAN: And the second time?
HUGHES: Um ... him. (points to a photo of Hardewicke) Oh, look, guys - (glances up to Goodman nervously) - I'm cooperating. All right, I will give back the money. I will quit my job. (Goodman looks like he can't decide if he wants to simply fire him or let Booth arrest him) All right, how's about we just call it even?
BOOTH: (sarcastically) How's about we call the D.A.? (points at Goodman) You know, you need a better screening process down at the museum.
GOODMAN: (sardonically levels his gaze at Booth) Ironic, given we contract that out to the F.B.I.
(Booth nods, seeing the ridiculousness of the whole situation)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Booth and Brennan making their way through piles of dirt and digging equipment at the excavation site. They head toward the dive shaft.)
BRENNAN: You think he's dangerous?
BOOTH: Grand theft, murder. Yeah.
(Bagpipe music can be heard playing in the distance - Brennan notices)
BRENNAN: The music. Shh. (she listens and then points away from the steps; it's not coming from the dive area) It's down there.BOOTH: That's not music. That's bagpipes. (sees something in the distance) Whoa. (he pulls his gun from its holster underneath his suit coat) Mister Hardewicke?
(The back of Hardewicke's head can be seen - he's sitting in a lawn chair, a bottle of liquor and one glass on a table nearby. He does not respond to Booth's call. The music continues to play. Booth approaches cautiously, gun at the ready. Brennan's right behind him.)
BOOTH: (circling around slowly to face the man) Mister Hard - Oh.
(Booth lowers his gun. Hardewicke is leaning back in the chair, his eyes closed and mouth gaping, blood running from his nose, distinctive bruises around his throat. He's dead.)
(Brennan turns to Booth, as he looks around for evidence of what the hell happened)
BRENNAN: Maybe we're looking for someone else.
END OF ACT THREE
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT FOUR
(Back at the F.B.I. morgue. Pan up from Hardewicke's dead body on the table to Harry the medical examiner, who stands before Booth and Brennan, his hands folded in front of him.)
HARRY: The larynx was crushed.
BRENNAN: (frowning) Is that going to be your cause of death ruling?
HARRY: (grins, getting excited) We gonna have another fight about this?
(Brennan steps forward like she might punch the guy, so Booth steps between them and authoritatively pokes Harry in the chest)
BOOTH: You know, I'm a pretty open guy, Harry, but if you keep pushing like that, it's gonna be me who smacks you around.
HARRY: (smirks) How do you know that won't work for me just as well?
(Booth looks unsettled by this twist - he makes a wide-eyed face, stepping back and away from Harry as quickly as possible. Brennan steps up to face Harry again.)
BRENNAN: You ruled that Macy died from a crushed larynx.
HARRY: (his tone condescending, as if it's obvious) A crushed larynx is fatal. Ergo, it results in death.
BRENNAN: You were wrong then, and you're wrong now.
(Harry smiles widely)
BOOTH: (agitated, pointing at Harry) See? He likes it!
(Brennan ignores both of them and their antics)
BRENNAN: I need to see both sets of X-rays. His and Macy's.
(Harry's eyes twinkle as he reaches down and retrieves the X-rays from their folder)
HARRY: It's not always about being right or wrong. It's about the dialogue. (he brings the films over to the light board and puts one in place, smiling at Brennan) An intense conversation can be the most wonderful kind of intercourse.
BOOTH: (grossed out now, looking to Brennan) You know what? This guy is a pervert.
BRENNAN: (comparing the spinal injury films for both Hardewicke and Macy) Damage between C-2 and C-4, forty-five degree angle, exact same pattern of injury as Macy. His head was ... (Brennan reaches over and grabs Harry by the head, demonstrating the hold the murderer used; Harry looks like he enjoys her being so rough with him) ... wrenched around, probably while the other hand crushed the larynx.
(Brennan pushes against his chin, twisting him slightly, as she holds the back of his head)
HARRY: (grinning) That must really frustrate you that I missed that.
BOOTH: (thoughtful now) You know, that's a special forces move - take the sentry down, crush the larynx so he can't scream.
BRENNAN: (stunned) You've done that to people?
(Booth glances down a moment, thinking - he doesn't exactly answer her question when he replies)
BOOTH: No, our murderer is special forces.
(Booth looks troubled)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Booth's office at the F.B.I. Branson Rose is standing at the window, looking out. Booth sits at his desk. A lawyer, ANTHONY KENDALL, is present, as is Brennan.)
BOOTH: Your Internet bio says you spent time in Special Air Services.
KENDALL: (smiling) Mr. Rose has led a diverse and full life.
BRENNAN: (leaning against a table, observing Rose) How did you feel when you found out the dig site had been ... (looks to Booth for the right word) ... salted?
ROSE: (still observing at the window) I was disappointed, certainly.
BOOTH: (carefully) Just ... disappointed?
(Rose finally turns from the window)
ROSE: I wasn't irked enough to kill Ted Macy. Now, can we get to the point, please?
BRENNAN: What is Special Air Services?
ROSE: The S.A.S. is widely regarded as one of the finest and best-trained special forces units in the world.
BOOTH: (casually) See any active service?
KENDALL: Mister Rose is not comfortable discussing specifics.
ROSE: (glowering at Booth) I don't like to exploit my role in operations which cost good men their lives. Now, if all you're interested in is my history, there's a bio on my Web site. (starts to leave)
BOOTH: Great. We just wanna know if your reputation is for real, sir. (Rose stops in the doorway) Hey, we'll just ... contact the S.A.S. They'll tell us.
ROSE: Look-
KENDALL: (standing up to butt in before they all get into a dangerous legal area) Fine.
(He takes Rose by the arm with the intention of leading him out of the office)
ROSE: (sarcastic, to Booth) Don't expect a speedy response.
(Brennan steps up and slaps Rose across the face, hard. He grunts, stunned.)
BOOTH: Whoa. Bones!
KENDALL: That's assault!
(Rose rubs his cheek as Brennan looks to Booth)
BRENNAN: Would a special forces guy have been able to stop that?
BOOTH: (getting the game now) I don't know. You kinda got the jump on him there.
BRENNAN: (nods, considering this) Well, this one won't be a surprise. (turns to Rose again) You ready?
ROSE: (clueless) What?
(Brennan slaps him again)KENDALL: This is common assault. Charges will be laid!
(Brennan shrugs at Booth, as if to say, "Well?")
BOOTH: (shaking his head) No way he's special ops. That's just a bunch of P.R. crap. (he smiles benignly at Rose)
BRENNAN: All right. No more questions. (she sits down, satisfied, as Rose studies Booth quietly)
KENDALL: I demand she be arrested for assault!
ROSE: Shut up, Kendall! (he smiles ironically at Booth and starts to leave, whispering to his attorney as they go) You think I want it all over the newspapers that I'm taking a woman to court for slapping me?
(Booth rests his chin in his hand - now who's the murderer?)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Excavation site. Pan down from a metal structure to Dane and Hodgins standing on the platform. Dane is prepping Hodgins for a dive.)
DANE: (apprehensive) You won't get in trouble for this.
HODGINS: (unconcerned) Three degrees. Just doing some research. (Dane chortles) I am telling you, salted or not, there is something at the bottom of that shaft.
DANE: (sighs heavily) Never got to go all the way down.
HODGINS: The bones were lying on wood. I want to see what's underneath.
DANE: (shakes his head, smiling ruefully) Always thought it'd be me who'd find it.
HODGINS: Hey. (gives Dane a brotherly slap on the arm) All for one and one for all, right?
DANE: (amused) That was the Three Musketeers.
HODGINS: Yeah, they were always "piratey" to me.
(Dane grins at him, and Hodgins mirrors it back)
DANE: Let's do this.
HODGINS: (smiling widely now) Let's do it.
(Dane helps Hodgins place the dive helmet over his head. As Dane walks around him, locking the helmet into place, Hodgins focuses forward, his face turning serious. Once it's properly set, Dane steps in front of Hodgins, giving him an "okay" signal. Hodgins heads down the ladder and descends into the dark water.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Booth in his vehicle. He's driving with one hand and making a radio call with the other. Brennan sits passenger-side.)
BOOTH: Dispatch, 22705. Last name McGinnis, first name Dane, middle initial P. I need to know which branch of the military he served in.
DISPATCHER: Affirmative, 22705. Stand by.
BRENNAN: (glances at Booth) Why Dane?
BOOTH: He said Hodgins swam like a squid.
BRENNAN: (shakes her head, confused) Squint. He must've said squint.
BOOTH: No, I said squint, 'kay? Dane said squid, which is military slang for a sailor.
BRENNAN: Wait, is this what they call a "Hail Mary" pass?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Close-up of the radio at the dive site. Hodgins' voice can be heard over the speaker.)
HODGINS: You receiving?
DANE: Aw, loud and clear. (he threads more length of air hose down to Hodgins)
HODGINS: Man, it's muddy today.
DANE: Yeah. Usually clears up past the first flood channel, twelve meters.
(Close-up on Hodgins, singing with a piratey accent, as he floats downward)
HODGINS: Yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum ... DANE: Hey, don't conjure up any ghosts, Doc. There's too many down there already waiting to claim your ass.
HODGINS: (murmuring) Ghosts. Right.
(He continues his descent, solemn now)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Back to Booth's vehicle. The dispatcher is calling back with information.)
DISPATCHER: 22705, Dispatch. McGinnis, Dane. Served in the navy. Rating: chief petty officer, naval special warfare.
BOOTH: Oh yeah. Had to be. (he frowns)BRENNAN: What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Booth's SUV coming to a stop in the excavation field - Dane can be seen at a distance, up on the platform, feeding more air hose into the shaft. Booth and Brennan exit the vehicle.)
BOOTH: (walking slowly around the truck, eyes glued to the platform) Guy was a navy SEAL.
BRENNAN: So? You were a guide.
BOOTH: (stops to correct her) A ranger. I was a ranger, Bones, okay? I was not a guide. Guides, they show you waterfalls, they sell you cookies. I was a ranger.
BRENNAN: (looks up to the platform) What's he doing at the shaft? (she starts forward, but Booth grabs her arm) Are rangers afraid of SEALs?
BOOTH: What? Come on, Bones. No. (gives her a look) Wha - rangers aren't afraid of anybody. All right? (pause, conceding) SEALs are ... pretty good though.
(Cut to a close-up of the water bubbling, from Hodgins breathing through the air hose. Pan up from the water to where Dane sits on a crate, turning back and forth between threading more of the air line and watching the monitor for Hodgins' progress. Booth and Brennan reach the top of the platform.)
BOOTH: (casually) Hey, Dane.
DANE: (just as casually) Oh hey ... what's up?
BRENNAN: We know it was you.
(Dane's expression shifts, the smile leaving his face)
BOOTH: Bones, please.
BRENNAN: Why? You have a gun. What's he got?
BOOTH: (eyes on Dane) He's got somebody in the shaft.
(Close-up on Hodgins, still making his way down, slowly but surely)
HODGINS: How far down am I?
(Cut back to Brennan, realizing when she hears his voice over the speaker)
BRENNAN: Is that Hodgins?
(Her eyes widen and she steps forward - Dane immediately grabs a section of the air hose and holds a knife to it)
HODGINS: (over the speaker) Hey, Dane? (Booth pulls his gun, holding it on Dane who sits poised with the knife, unmoving) I can't read my depth display.
(Close-up on Hodgins - he's traveling down but glancing upwards, waiting for a response)
HODGINS: (voice heard over the speaker) Hey, is somethin' goin' on? (Brennan is frozen in place, looking to the speaker in fear) Is there annny-body up there? Why don't you answer me?
BOOTH: (controlled voice) C.P.O. McGinnis, step away from the air hose.
(He's got his gun on Dane, but Dane's eyes aren't leaving Booth's and his knife is still pressed to the air hose)
DANE: Yeah? Well, I need you to toss that gun into the shaft. And toss me your keys. And handcuff yourselves to that crane. I take your truck. (shakes his head, resolute) Otherwise, I am gonna cut this hose, and your buddy's gonna die.
BRENNAN: (nervously pats Booth in the ribs with the back of her hand, her eyes on Dane's knife) Yeah. Do that.
(She wants Booth to follow Dane's instructions)
BOOTH: (grits his teeth and glances at her for a millisecond - she's interrupting his stand-off) Bones. (back to Dane, gun still trained) Not gonna happen.
HODGINS: (voice on the speaker again) If you can hear me, tug on the air hose. I feel a blast of cold water. (Pan down from the perilous air hose to the bubbling black water, to Hodgins in the shaft, studying his surroundings) It's either a spring or some kind of conduit from the ocean. It's clear, clean water, so visibility is better.
(Back up top - Dane's waiting for Booth to make his move)
BOOTH: (gun steady) You killed two men. I can't just let you drive away.
DANE: Oh, those guys. (sneers bitterly) Puttin' fake bones in there, makin' the whole thing into a con job. (his eyes don't leave Booth's) My brother died down there looking for that treasure. A lot of good men did. (Booth blinks but otherwise doesn't move) This was their life. Those men dishonored them.
(Back to Hodgins in the water. He's looking up, trying to figure out what's going on and why Dane isn't responding.)
HODGINS: Dane, can you hear me, man? I am on the bottom.
(The monitor up on the platform reveals Hodgins' location, his red dot blinking innocently at 200 feet.)
DANE: (squinting) You good enough to take that shot before I cut this air hose, ranger?
BOOTH: (smirks) Pretty good.
BRENNAN: (scared) What? Just pretty good?
BOOTH: (whispers impatiently) Please. I'm working. (his eyes graze Brennan for a split second before they focus back on Dane)
(Cuts from Brennan's wide-eyed, concerned face, to Dane in position with his knife and Booth with his gun. Hodgins' voice crackles in again.)
HODGINS: I'm gonna need some more slack in the line, Dane. What's goin' on? (his hands can be seen on the monitor, brushing through the soil at the bottom) I'll get a sample. I can see where the shaft wall has collapsed before. (Hodgins pauses, notices something in the dirt, runs his gloved hand through it again, searching) Oh, my God.
(Back to Booth, waiting, holding his gun as steadily as possible with both hands. Then to Brennan, whose eyes follow anxiously back and forth between Booth and Dane.)
HODGINS: (over the speaker) Holy sh- Damn! (Dane's jaw tightens but he will not check the monitor and give Booth an opening) Can you see this, Dane?
(Brennan leans to view the monitor, where Hodgins' hand is holding up a shiny gold coin)
DANE: What is it?
BOOTH: Why don't you take a look?
DANE: Yeah. (wry expression on his face) I do and you'll shoot me.
(Back to Hodgins down below. He's cackling with delight as he holds up the coin to the lamp on his helmet for a better view.)
HODGINS: (thoroughly excited) Dane! Can you see this, man?
BRENNAN: (eyes on the monitor) It's a gold coin.
DANE: (disbelieving) Yeah. (getting upset) It's, uh, probably something else they stole from the museum and threw in there.
HODGINS: This is real! It's a big -
(Booth fires twice, blasting out the computer monitor and all sound connection to Hodgins. He immediately retrains his weapon on Dane. There are two holes in the monitor with spider web-like cracks across the screen - white smoke wafts from the machine.)
BRENNAN: (firmly, to Dane) You want to see it, you're going to have to bring Hodgins up. (softens) Please. He's down there because he believes. (Dane's brow furrows but he doesn't move, so she tries again) He's no different than you, no different than your brother.
BOOTH: (voice intense, his gun hand ready for anything) Bring him up.
BRENNAN: (gently) Do it for your brother.
(Dane considers this for a long moment, an expression of struggle on his face. Booth is waiting, gun aimed. At last, Dane makes a choice and yanks the knife away from the hose. Frustrated, he pushes the hose down into the water, and holds the knife aloft, glaring at Booth. Brennan is still frozen in place, her hands outstretched in a defensive position, waiting to see what Dane will do next. Booth does not lower his gun. Agonized, Dane takes his knife and thrusts it downward, violently stabbing it into the grid next to his foot. It's over.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Jeffersonian - Medico Legal Lab - Platform. Hodgins holds up the treasured coin for all to see.)
HODGINS: An original Breen-984 half doubloon, designed by Ephraim Brasher, engraved by Ephraim Brasher. (he turns it in his hand, happily studying the back and front of it) And - hold your breath, gentlemen and ladies - two hundred and four grains.
ZACK: (marveling) A real gold pirate coin.
BOOTH: (excited, hands clasped together like a kid) How many more are down there?
GOODMAN: Branson Rose has agreed to have the museum do the authentication of the entire treasure when they bring it up.
(The Jeffersonian team is crowded around the skeleton's display case, as Hodgins looks down at the coin in his hand)
HODGINS: There won't be any more.
ANGELA: What makes you say that?
HODGINS: I was down there. (smiles) It's not gonna give it up that easily.
GOODMAN: But the treasure's been located.
BOOTH: (nods) And I'm sure it's been located before.
(Hodgins can't take his eyes off the coin)
GOODMAN: (reaching for it) I'll take that.
(Hodgins looks up at Goodman, then down at the coin, as Goodman tries to take it from him. It takes several seconds of back-and-forth pulling before Hodgins reluctantly lets go.)
BRENNAN: (looking down at the authenticated pirate skeleton) You think he's happy to be back home?
ANGELA: (smiling) Well, he looks that way to me.
(She holds up a sketch she's just finished - it's a headshot that looks like Hodgins dressed as a pirate, complete with three-corner hat, skull and crossbones. Goodman chuckles, as do Zack and Angela. Hodgins laughs as he checks out his likeness on the page.)
BOOTH: (grins, looking back and forth between the sketch and Hodgins) Ha.
(Hodgins shakes his head, turning slightly melancholy)
HODGINS: He's not happy.
ZACK: What do you mean?
BOOTH: (nods, understanding) Hodgins is right. He'd be a lot happier at the bottom of that shaft.
BRENNAN: (smiles at Booth, getting it now) With the other pirates.
(Hodgins takes a deep breath and sighs. His boyhood dream has come to an end. He looks a little disappointed.)
(Booth gets a goofy grin on his face, looking to Hodgins and Zack.)
ZACK and BOOTH: Arrgh!
(Hodgins looks up, grinning again.)
HODGINS: Arrrgh, matey!
(Angela and Brennan exchange a look, barely able to contain their laughter, as the guys keep up their piratey noises. The dream will never totally die, not for these "boys.")
(Fade to Black)
END OF SHOW. | Plan: A: a 300-year-old finger bone; Q: What is a dead body found clutching? A: Booth and Brennan's investigation; Q: Who leads them to a dive site off the coast of Assateague Island? A: a pirate treasure; Q: What is buried at the dive site? A: the lab; Q: Where is Hodgins excited to get out of? A: the bones; Q: What is stolen from the Jeffersonian collection? A: The investigation; Q: What uncovers the possibility that the skeletal remains were placed at the dive site by a surprising culprit with a selfish motivation? A: the suspect; Q: Who is found murdered? A: a new lead; Q: What sends the duo on the search for the owner of the dig shaft? A: the case; Q: Hodgins is excited to get involved in what? A: an underwater death; Q: What do Brennan and Booth race to save Hodgins from? Summary: When a dead body is found clutching a 300-year-old finger bone, Booth and Brennan's investigation leads them to a dive site off the coast of Assateague Island where a pirate treasure may be buried. Hodgins is excited to get out of the lab and participates in a dive that uncovers more skeletal remains, which are authentic but prove that some of the bones found were actually stolen from the Jeffersonian collection. The investigation uncovers the possibility that the skeletal remains were placed at the dive site by a surprising culprit with a selfish motivation. But when the suspect is found murdered, a new lead sends the duo on the search for the owner of the dig shaft. Hodgins, excited to get involved in the case, volunteers for another dive in the shaft, but Brennan and Booth must race to save him from an underwater death when they discover who's behind it all. |
(Opens with two people hurriedly taking each other's clothes off walking down the hallway of someone's home)
MVO: When you were a kid, it was Halloween candy.
(Meredith is with some guy. Burke and Cristina are making out passionately as they manoeuvre themselves into Burke's apartment)
MVO: You hid it from your parents and ate it until you got sick.
(Cristina loses her jacket as Burke continues kissing her)
Cristina: So, this is where you live?
Burke: Oh hell.
(He picks her up and carries her to what I'm assuming is his bedroom. Cristina lets out a burst of laughter)
MVO: In college it was the heady combo of youth, tequila and well you know...
(Izzie and Alex are entering the townhouse from a date. They start making out passionately, losing clothes along the way as they make their way up stairs)
(Addison and Derek are in the shower together. Derek moves forward and kisses her)
MVO: As a surgeon you take as much of the good as you can get... because it doesn't come around nearly as often as it should.
(Meredith is making out with what appears to be a different guy in her bedroom)
MVO: Cause good things aren't always what they seem.
(Addison rolls away from Derek and lying beside him in their bed. Meredith drops herself beside her current bed mate an Indian guy named Steve Murphy looking a little unsatisfied and dazed? Derek has the same unsatisfied look. Addison is breathless and smiling.)
Addison: That was amazing.
Derek (looks like he's lying): Yeah.
MVO: Too much of anything, even love is not always a good thing.
(Meredith and Steve in her bed. Meredith turns away from Steve so her back is facing him. He looks at her)
Steve: Did you... (he nods fervently even though she can't see)
Meredith: Yeah, I did.
(Seattle Scene)
(Meredith's room)
(Meredith is sitting in pink robe on a chair next to her bed. Steve is still in bed asleep. She's on the phone to Cristina)
Meredith: There's a boy in my bed.
Cristina: What's his name?
Meredith: Um, Steve.
(Cristina is brushing her teeth at Burke's apartment. She leaves the bathroom and starts exploring the apartment still brushing her teeth)
Cristina: Where'd you find him?
Meredith: Joe's.
Cristina: Hmm. Guess where I am?
Meredith: Where?
Cristina: Burke's apartment. He went to the hospital. (She makes it to the kitchen and spits into the sink) He left me here alone.
Meredith: You're going through his stuff aren't you?
Cristina: Oh! There's no stuff to go through. It's a freak show. I mean you could do surgery in here.
(Cristina walks into his adjoined dining/living room which indeed is impeccable. Everything has a spot and there seems to be a lack of personal mementoes. Cristina notices his bookshelf and walks up close in horror)
Cristina: Oh! He arranged his books using the Dewey decimal system. Mer, I'm scared.
(Meredith is still sitting on her chair)
Meredith: Get out. Get out of the house now.
(Steve who has woken up now but is still in bed hears this and turns to Meredith)
Steve: Who you talking to?
(Meredith looks at him surprised he's awake)
Meredith (to Cristina): Uh, I gotta go.
(She flips the phone closed and stands up)
Meredith: Uh I have to go take a shower and when I get back you won't be here so um, goodbye... Steve.
(She nods and walks out of the bedroom)
(Cristina is finishing getting ready and is in the kitchen looking for food in the fridge. She decides against it and closes the door. She notices a coffee maker and moves to grab the pot and a mug next to it. She picks up the mug and it jingles. So she reaches in and pulls out a key. She notices the yellow bit of paper that was under the mug and picks up to read it. The note reads:
C,
I had a key made for you.
B.
Cristina is left with a look of shock on her face)
(Meredith's kitchen where George walks in with his laundry basket. Izzie is already in their making breakfast for herself. George starts sorting his laundry at the table)
George: Well another sleepless night in Seattle.
Izzie: Yeah, who was it this time? Hairy back guy?
George: You know who I miss? Inappropriate facial hair guy. You know he did his own dishes?
Izzie: Oh tattooed ass guy made coffee.
George (makes a face): Yeah he was a keeper.
(Izzie notices this and gives George a knowing look.)
George: What? (Izzie raises her eyebrows at him) What? Meredith? (Izzie shrugs as if to say yup) I am over her.
Izzie (disbelievingly): Ok.
(George sits down at the table)
George: I am.
Izzie: Yeah I can see that.
George: But is she trying to set some kind of record?
(Izzie moves her breakfast to the table and joins George)
Izzie: At least she has a goal.
(Feet can be heard running down the stairs)
Izzie: Oh!
(George and Izzie both look to Steve moving hurriedly pass through the hallway and through the front door)
George: Oh he's new.
Izzie: And I shall name him 'Running Guy'. (she smiles) Hmm.
George: You know who I heard Alex come home with last night? (eyes wide at Izzie grinning) You!
Izzie: I don't want to talk about it. (George chuckles) Actually I really do want to talk about it. But he doesn't want to talk about because there were... technical difficulties.
George: What?
Izzie: You know he didn't... (She makes a gesture to show her hand going flop) he was...
(George gets a look of absolute amazement and glee on his face)
George (chuckles grinning): No.
Izzie: Stop it. (George continues to laugh) You can't say anything!
(George continues laughing)
Izzie: George, stop it!
George: I, I'm gonna at least think about making fun of him next time I see him.
Izzie: He said it never happened before.
George: Well that's what we all say. (Izzie raises her eyebrows) And I mean they. That's what they all say.
Izzie: I don't know. Maybe this relationship just isn't meant to be. I mean I just, just need some s*x George. You know just (she grabs his t-shirt and pulls her close to him) I need s*x now. You know what I mean?
George: No matter how hard you beg, I am not doing you.
(He smiles and Izzie lets out a smile)
(SGH)
(Richard's office. Addison is signing the papers of her contract at a table while Patricia stands over her shoulder. Richard is sitting at his desk watching)
Patricia: Nice to have you on board.
Addison: Thank you, Patricia.
(Patricia takes the papers and wanders off. Addison puts her white coat on stands in front of Richard's desk)
Richard: Your own service. State of the art NICU. And a salary that'll make you one of the highest paid surgeons in the northwest. You better be worth it.
Addison: Quintuplets, Richard.
Richard: That's a goal.
Addison: Mother-to-be checked in this morning.
Richard: Nothing I like more than a high profile case.
Addison: Well don't go calling the press in yet. It's an extremely high risk pregnancy. At least 3 of the babies are surgical. In fact I'm gonna need to pull people from all departments.
Richard: You're my star. Whatever you need.
(He stands up and they shake hands)
(Mr. Robert Martin is lying in the CT scanner)
Robert: Is there a meal service on this flight?
(Alex is standing in the viewing room with Mr. Martin's chart. A CT tech guy is there at the comp. Derek walks in and Alex hands him the chart)
Alex: Robert Martin, 45, collapsed and hit his head causing a small subdural hemorrhage. He also presents with uncontrolled hand movement and delirium. He's alcohol and tox screens were negative but his sodium levels were 112.
Derek: Hmm. A little too low for my taste.
Robert (calls out): Hey! Hey!
Derek (speaks into the mic): Mr. Martin, how are you doing in there?
Robert: I'm still waiting on that drink. Are you the stewardess?
(Alex and Derek chuckle)
Derek: We're, we're called flight attendants now.
Robert: Hey! Hey!
Derek (points to the computer screen with scans of Mr. Martin's brain): Oh there it is right there. On His pituitary. It's a Rathke's Cleft Cyst right there.
Alex: So he's hyponatremic.
Derek (nods): Yeah.
Alex: Excessive thirst is a common side effect. The water is what's been screwing his sodium level.
Derek: That's what's causing his delirium. So how do you ah treat hyponatremia?
Alex: Ah, 3% hypertonic saline solution IV, 300ccs over 3 hours.
Derek (hands back the chart): Great. Get him back to his room. Call me when he stabilizes. Nicely done Dr. Karev.
(Derek leaves)
Robert (calls out): Hey! When does the movie start?
(Dorie Russell the pregnant woman with the quintuplets is being checked on by Addison. Izzie is there watching. Tom Russell, Dorie's husband is on his mobile phone standing in the doorway)
Addison: Dorie, this is Dr. Stevens. She will be working with us on this case.
Dorie: Oh, the more the merrier.
Izzie (chuckles): Apparently. How far along are you?
Dorie: 32 weeks.
Addison (to Izzie): How long is the normal gestation period?
Izzie: 40 weeks but with twins ah 36 weeks is considered full term so with quints 34 weeks is considered extremely successful.
(Addison smiles at Izzie)
Tom (on phone): Just give him some acetaminophen. It's, it's in the medicine cabinet.
Dorie: I plan on going on 36 weeks. (to her stomach) No one is leaving this uterus until I say so.
Addison: Power of positive thinking, huh?
Dorie: Well that, bed rest and all the medical care you can give me.
Tom (on phone): Uh we're with the doctors now. So, I'll talk to you later. Ok. Bye. (he hangs up his phone and walks further into the room. Speaks to Dorie) Uh Adam's got a fever which means soon they'll all have fever. I don't think my mom's gonna manage.
Dorie: Ah we have four year old boys at home. Adam, Oliver and Graham.
Izzie (shocked): Triplets? You already have triplets?... I guess when you take those fertility pills you should read the fine print.
Addison (admonishing tone): Dr. Stevens.
Izzie: Uh, oh I'm sorry. I meant it as...
Dorie (interrupts): It's okay, I'm used to it. I just really wanted a girl.
Tom: Yeah, we just didn't bank on 5 girls.
Dorie (smiling): But think of all the clothes and all that pink cuteness.
Tom: Oh honey that's your happy place, remember?
Dorie: Oh yeah.
(Tom leans in for a kiss and hug. Addison moves towards Izzie and speaks to her privately)
Addison: Try not to say everything that pops into your brain.
(She hands Izzie Dorie's chart and walks out of the room)
(SGH Entrance)
(Meredith and Cristina are sitting in their scrubs outside on a bench with take-away coffee cups)
Meredith: They always look so sad when I kick them out. (They both chuckle) Seriously, why do guys not understand that when you pick them up in a bar and take them home for s*x, that there are no picket fences or kids in your future.
(Cristina sighs and reaches into her pocket and pulls out the key Burke gave her, holding it up for Meredith to see)
Meredith (smiles): Burke keyed you?
Cristina: Got freaking keyed before coffee.
Meredith (chuckles): What is wrong with them?
Cristina: They're like these 1950s debutantes, one dance and there's a shot gun to your head.
(Steve, Meredith's one night stand from this morning walks up to Meredith and Cristina holding a jacket in front of his lower abdomen region looking extremely discomfited)
Steve: Meredith.
(Meredith looks up at Steve and gets a look of pure shock on her face)
Steve: You work here?
Meredith: What are you doing here Steve?
Steve: I'm having a little problem.
Cristina (to Meredith): Steve, Steve?
Steve: Actually I'm having a big problem.
(He moves the jacket to the side. Cristina notices immediately as she's looking straight that way but Meredith doesn't as she's still looking up at Steve's face)
Meredith: What?
Cristina: Steve! Hi! Cristina.
(Cristina turns her gaze back to his face. He gestures hi back. Cristina turns back to look at his lower body half)
Steve: Ever since you and I... (Meredith looks at Cristina and then finally notices down below and does a double take) it won't go away.
Meredith (horrified): Cristina!
Cristina: What? It's right there looking at me.
(Steve places the jacket in front of his body again)
Cristina (laughs): There are so many things I could say right now. (she pats Meredith's shoulder) Champ.
(SGH)
(Meredith and Cristina are sneaking Steve down a hospital hallway. Steve is still holding the jacket in front of him)
Steve: Do you think it's serious? It hurts like it's serious.
Cristina: You realize this is completely insane.
Meredith: Well we have to stash him somewhere till we figure out what's wrong with him. I can't have the whole hospital finding out.
Cristina: I am not going down for this. (Bailey pokes her head around the corner a few feet away) It's not my fault you broke this guy's pen1s.
Bailey (calls out): Broke his what? (They stop and then try to keep on walking) Uh hey! (they stop again and she walks up to them) Don't make me chase you down. I'm growing a person here.
Cristina (looks pointedly at Meredith): I gotta check on some labs.
(Meredith gives Cristina a death look and Cristina walks off. Bailey turns to Meredith for an explanation who stands there awkwardly)
(Izzie is alone with Dorie in her hospital room. Izzie is looking at the heart readings for the quintuplets)
Dorie: How's it look?
Izzie: Not bad.
Dorie: Not bad?
Izzie: Not bad is pretty good when you have 5 babies in your uterus.
(Dorie makes a slight sigh of pain. Izzie looks at her)
Dorie: Ah. It's Kate. She kicks me so hard. It's like a belly burn every time.
Izzie (raises her eyebrows but looking at Dorie's patient file): You've named them already?
Dorie: I know you think I'm crazy. Or maybe just a little bit stupid?
Izzie: Mrs. Russell, I'm sorry if I've done something to offend you.
Dorie: The only thing that will offend me is if you pretend that you haven't been judging me since the minute we met. (Izzie is silent) We're gonna be spending a lot of time together so we may as well be honest, right?
Izzie: If you had reduced the fetuses, even by two, the other three could've been carried longer, been more developed and born healthier.
Dorie: And you're about the 16th doctor that's told me that.
(Izzie is quiet. Dorie reaches out and grabs Izzie's arm. She places Izzie's hand on her stomach)
Dorie: This one up here. This is Charlotte. She's the stubborn one. Lodged under my rib cage. Won't budge.
(She moves Izzie hand to another part of her stomach)
Dorie: Now over here, Lucy. She's a badass. If she gets kicked, she kicks back.
(She moves Izzie's hand again. Izzie is smiling)
Dorie: Emily. She has the hiccups almost everyday.
(Again moves Izzie's hand)
Dorie: And over here is Julie. She's pretty mellow. Every once in a while she just turns over. (Again moves Izzie's hand) Which brings us back to Kate.
Izzie: Who gives you belly burn.
Dorie (grinning): Every time she kicks.
(Meredith is dragging Steve with her down a hall way to an exam room. Bailey is follows them in)
Meredith: We were just bringing him up here because he's got ah this... problem you see. He's a, a friend.
(Steve sits down and removes the jacket. Bailey looks at the problem and then back at Meredith. You don't actually ever see anything)
Bailey: What did your friend take?
Steve: Take?
Bailey: Which erectile dysfunction drug?
Meredith (to Steve): You took?
Steve (to Meredith): I... absolutely not. I swear. It was all natural between us.
Meredith: Shut up!
Bailey: Your condition is called priapism usually brought on the overuse of EDs.
Steve: I didn't take anything.
Bailey: Well, we'll have to take your word for it because there's no test to see if you're lying. We'll have to ah look for other causes. There will be lots of labs, lots of procedures, painful procedures. (Steve looks mortified) Procedures that might make you wish you never had a pen1s. You sure you don't want to change your story?
Steve: I swear I'm clean.
Bailey: Alright. Grey, start his work up. Get some blood; get him some meperidine for his pain. As of now your friend is admitted.
(Bailey leaves. Steve half smiles at Meredith)
(Derek and Burke are at a nurse's station in the hospital. Addison comes up to them and hands them both a large file)
Addison: Dorie Russell, she's giving birth to quints.
Derek: Yes, Richard said we were on standby. Which is no problem really, cause it's not like I have a neurosurgery department to run or anything.
Addison: Aww.
Burke: Yes, apparently our departments are at her disposal.
Addison: Do you have time to talk to them mom now? I want her to meet all the surgeons on the team.
Derek: Yes. No problem.
Burke: I'll come by after I get out of the OR.
Addison: Thank you Dr. Burke.
Burke (calls back): Sure!
(He takes the chart and leaves. Derek stands up and he Addison start walking down the hallway. He starts looking over the file Addison has given him)
Addison: I didn't hear you leave the hotel room. I missed you at breakfast.
Derek: I had an early surgery.
Addison: You sure that's all? Nothing's wrong?
Derek: No, it's like I said I had an early surgery.
Addison: Ok.
(Izzie is helping Dorie back into her bed in her patient room)
Dorie: Uh, I feel like a beached whale.
(Addison and Derek walk into the room. Derek is still looking over the file)
Addison: Dorie, this is Dr. Shepherd he's our head of neurosurgery.
Derek: Hi.
Dorie: Oh, another Dr. Shepherd.
Addison: He's my husband actually.
Dorie: Seriously?
Derek (smiles): Mmm Hmm.
Dorie: Wow. Look at you two. Everybody must hate you.
Derek and Addison (together smiling): Oh you have no idea.
Addison: Anyway Dorie, Dr. Shepherd wants to talk to you about Baby C.
Dorie: Lucy.
(Derek puts the file down)
Derek: Yes. Lucy has a condition called hydrocephalus. It is a build up of cerebrospinal fluid on the brain.
Dorie: Ok and that means?
Derek: Excess fluid builds up and it puts pressure on the baby's brain which could result in brain damage.
(Dorie looks overwhelmed)
Derek: Here's the good news. We caught it early enough. We can take care of it very quickly.
Dorie: How?
Derek: I'm gonna install a shunt to drain the fluid. Barring any complications you're looking at a fully recovery.
Dorie: No brain damage.
Derek (shakes his head smiling): No brain damage.
(Izzie smiles)
Dorie: Ok, really ah couldn't you have led with that?
(Izzie and Addison chuckle)
Derek: Good point.
(Dr. Burke is sitting at a nurse's station. Cristina walks up to him and holds the key in front of his face)
Cristina: What the hell is this?
Burke: It's a key.
Cristina: Why?
Burke (smiles): Why is it a key? Are we feeling existential this morning?
Cristina: Well if a key turns in a lock and no one asked for the key or even wanted the key does it make a sound?
(Burke grins)
(Meredith walks up to them looking desperate and tugs Cristina's arm)
Meredith: Hey.
Cristina: Hi.
(Cristina turns back to look at Burke)
Burke: I'm gonna take this opportunity to be someplace else.
(Burke walks off and Cristina scoffs at him)
Meredith: Steve's labs came back clean.
Cristina: So?
Meredith: So, someone needs to induce vasoconstriction.
Cristina: Oh nice try with the fancy word. He needs an enema and the answer is no.
Meredith: I can't do it.
Cristina: Oh come on you let a guy you pick up in a bar see you naked and you can't give him an enema.
Meredith (desperate): Totally uncalled for.
Cristina: Well I am keyed up and cranky.
Meredith: I would do it for you!
Cristina (looks like she wants to laugh): Oh really? You would give Burke an enema?
Meredith: Yes!
Cristina (disbelieving): Uh huh.
Meredith: Maybe. No. But that's not the point.
Cristina: Ah yeah ok. Here's how it goes. I do this for you and you do every enema I'm assigned to for an entire month.
Meredith: Deal!
Cristina: Wow you really don't wanna do this.
(Robert is sitting in his patient room on his bed. He's surrounded by various files and many bottles of water. His assistant Doyle is sitting in the room as well also looking over files. Alex is there looking over Mr. Martin's chart)
Robert: You heard from the seller's agent?
Doyle: I've been calling all morning.
(Derek walks in)
Derek: Ah, Mr. Martin. It's good to see you on solid ground. I'm Dr. Shepherd.
Robert: My assistant Doyle says I passed out and hit my head. (gestures to Alex) This guy says it's some kinda cyst. I want you to say when I can get out of here.
Alex: A Rathke's Cleft Cyst.
Robert: Whatever.
Derek: It's a congenital tumor on your pituitary.
Robert: It's treatable right?
Derek: You're gonna need surgery. See I'm gonna use an endonasal approach.
Robert: Endonasal?
Derek: Yeah.
Robert: You're going to pull out through my nose?
(Derek nods. Mr. Martin turns to Doyle)
Robert: Look him up. Check his credentials.
(Doyle nods)
Derek: It's a minimally invasive procedure so there won't be any scarring.
Robert: Good. So, when?
Derek: Once we fully stabilize your sodium levels.
Alex: That means no more water.
Robert: I'm thirsty!
Alex: It's a side effect of the tumor. We'll keep you hydrated intravenously.
Derek: Ok.
(Alex and Derek leave. Doyle stands up and starts removing the water bottles)
Robert: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Doyle: Uh, I'm just following doctor's orders.
(Robert is silent but looks off put)
(Steve is in his own patient room now, dressed in gown and everything lying on a hospital bed. Cristina is in there as well preparing the gel from the enema)
Steve: I cannot believe this is happening.
Cristina: Try being me.
Steve: I mean you meet someone in a bar, you have a few drinks, a few laughs. You make out in the car.
Cristina: Roll over to your side.
(Steve moves to roll over so his front is facing Cristina)
Cristina: Other side.
(He rolls over the other way, with his back to her)
Cristina: Bring your knees up to your chest.
Steve: You have a good time. Spend the night, wake up the next morning and... (Cristina shoves her fingers up his butt at this moment) Ok!
Cristina: Uh huh.
(Nurse Olivia is sitting at a computer typing away. Alex is standing near her at the station looking at patient's chart)
Alex: So you're still not talking to me?
Olivia: You gave me syphilis. And I am talking to you; I just don't have anything to say. (There's a few seconds of silence) How's George?
Alex: O'Malley's a fetus. It's all whiny and afraid of the light. So you didn't tell him you were doing me, big deal. Minimal disclosure. It's my policy.
(Olivia stands up upset and takes the patient chart off Alex and walks off. Izzie comes up behind Alex and walks up close to him)
Izzie: Hey. I've been looking for you.
Alex: Hey.
Izzie: I'm on the quints case.
Alex: Yeah I heard.
Izzie: Yeah they're going to need multiple surgeries once they're delivered. I put you on the pager list (she smiles) so you're in too.
Alex (looks uncomfortable): Yeah I kinda got my own cases to worry about. So...
Izzie: Ok Alex, was it me? Because we seemed to actually be having a normal time. A good time.
Alex: Yeah we were having a good time.
Izzie: Well then was it me? Was it something I did or...
Alex: It wasn't you. Ok. (he shrugs) I just... just didn't feel like doing it. I was tired, you know?
Izzie (smiles): Well do you feel like doing it tonight?
Alex (half nods but still looks uncomfortable): I'm on call, so...
Izzie: Ok, well do you feel like doing it now?
Alex (intrigued): What right now?
Izzie: People have s*x in this hospital all the time.
(Alex looks dazed and Izzie starts walking away from him backwards grinning broadly)
(George enters the stair well. He runs up a few stairs and stops in front of Meredith who is sitting on some stairs)
George: You hear about the quints?
Meredith: Yeah I heard.
George: Yeah I gotta get in on that.
Meredith: Yeah well that's Addison so I'm guessing I don't stand a chance.
George: So how do you break a guy's pen1s?
(Meredith gives him a look and George sits down beside her)
Meredith: You know about Steve. Why does every guy I meet come with his own unique set of nightmarish humiliations?
George: Um, maybe it's a matter of volume?
Meredith (accusatory): Volume? What's that supposed to mean?
George: Just, you know there's quality and there's quantity.
Meredith (accusatory): So you think I'm sleeping with too many guys? You think I'm some kinda slut?
George: I think you're taking some risks. I think you find yourself in a hole in some guy's basement, being ordered to put the lotion on the skin or else you'll get the hose again.
Meredith (interrupts): Oh come on.
George: And, excuse me I'm talking. So you're not over Derek. You want to be but you're not. So try and find some replacement, some temporary way to feel better and it's not working and it's not going to work because future meaningless one night stands and problematic penises is not what you want. You want better and you deserve better. (Meredith looks at George) And not every guy is a nightmare!
(He gets up and leaves)
(Alex is sitting on a bed in the on-call room shirtless and Izzie is standing with her scrub pants and just a bra on)
Izzie: Is it just me or... tell me it's me.
Alex: It's not you.
Izzie: Well then is it a medical thing? Or, or a problem? Because guys have problems sometimes.
(Izzie puts on a green sweater top)
Alex: I don't have a problem. (He reaches out and takes her hand in his) Get back down here. We're going to do this until we do it.
Izzie (smiles): Ok.
(He pulls her onto the bed and starts removing her drawstrings to her scrub pants. Izzie laughs. All of a sudden her beeper goes off. She checks it and sighs)
Izzie: Uh. 911. I'm sorry. (She sits up and kisses Alex on the cheek) Damn it.
(She grabs her coat and her pager and leaves the room. Alex hits the bunk bed above him in frustration)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Addison is doing an ultrasound on Dorie in her patient room. A nurse is helping her. Izzie comes in still finishing up tying her hair)
Addison: Where have you been?
Izzie: I um, I, I the nurse was here.
(The nurse gives Izzie a look)
Addison: I've loaded her up with magnesium. Start monitoring her for toxicity.
(Izzie nods)
Dorie: Uh it's too soon. They can't come yet.
(Tom enters the room)
Tom: Mom says Graham started puking. (he notices the ultrasound and moves to Dorie's side) What is it? What's going on?
Izzie: Dorie's having contractions.
Addison: The babies' vitals signs are stable but your placenta is laying low. We're going to have to keep a close eye on that. We want to keep them in there as long as possible.
Tom: How are you keeping them in there if she's already having contractions?
Dorie: It's alright hun they can stop them. You're going to trendelenburg me, right?
Addison: Why yes I am. You've done your reading Dorie.
(She starts packing up the ultrasound equipment)
Dorie: They did it with the triplets. Gravity, remember Tom? It worked fine then and it'll be fine now.
Addison: Hang in there Tom, there's no time for second thoughts now.
Dorie: Tom, we didn't think we would survive the first week with the boys and we did and we'll be the same with girls. We're ready.
(Tom smiles)
Addison: Well that's all we can do for now. (to Izzie) Dr. Stevens are you on call tonight?
Izzie: Um, no.
Addison: You are now.
(Izzie nods)
(Dr. Bailey lifts up the sheets of Steve's bed to get a look at his erection. She makes a face as if she can't believe it's still there and pulls down the sheet. Cristina and Meredith walk into the room)
Bailey: Enema didn't work.
Meredith: Enema didn't work? (to Cristina) Enema didn't work.
Cristina: Oh. (She looks at the enema) Well it was an excellent enema.
Bailey: So what's the next step?
Cristina: A needle aspiration.
(Dr. Bailey nods. A look of horror crosses Steve's face)
Steve: A needle? My pen1s?
Meredith: We have to drain the blood.
(Meredith and Cristina start moving around to prepare. Bailey pulls out a tray with a huge needle on it. Steve sees this)
Steve (shaking his head furiously, loud): No way! No! Forget it!
Bailey: Then you're looking at impotence, penile infarction or gangrene. So if you want it to fall off...
Steve (closes his eyes): No. No, I really don't want that.
Bailey: Well then let's get to it. What goes up must come down.
(Bailey leaves the room)
Steve: I feel nauseous.
Meredith: Just lie back, close your eyes and try to relax.
Steve: If I could relax I wouldn't be here.
(Alex is walking out of Mr. Martin's patient room. A nurse comes by and take's the patient chart off Alex. Doyle walks up to Alex and meets him at the doorway)
Doyle: How is he?
Alex: Surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, so...
Doyle: Is there anything I could do?
Alex: Don't let him drink any water, even if he begs. Is there any family we should contact?
Doyle: No.
Alex: Friends.
Doyle: He doesn't really get along well with most people. Not big on the social skills.
Alex: Sad guy.
Doyle: Well he has me. 3 years as his assistant. I guess I'm his friend.
Robert (calls out from his room): Doyle!
(Doyle hurries into the room. Alex rolls his eyes and walks off)
(Meredith and Cristina are performing the aspiration. Cristina is holding a very large needle and draining the blood slowly. Steve has a look of pain on his face)
Cristina (to Meredith): What if I just gave him back the key?
(Steve looks at Cristina and starts listening blatantly to their conversation)
Meredith: He'll be hurt.
Cristina: What if I don't use it?
Meredith: Well then if you had no intention of using it then you shouldn't have taken it in the first place.
Cristina: Oh come on. Fishing a key out of a coffee cup isn't like some binding legal contract.
Steve: Your boyfriend gave you a key to his place?
Cristina (gives Steve a look and then looks at Meredith): Why's he talking?
Steve: I'm just saying the guy put himself out there. He's taken the next step. You can't not use it.
Cristina: Do you think you might be not in the best position right now to be handing out relationship advice?
Steve: Hey, he offered the key. You took the key. Just because I'm... (he stops talking when he looks at his pen1s) Oh look at that. Ah.
Cristina: Congratulations. You're flaccid.
Steve: Never thought I'd be so happy to hear that.
(Dorie, Izzie and Tom are in Dorie's room. Addison, Burke and George walk in)
Addison (soft voice): Dorie. Tom. (she walks up to them) Hey Dorie. Tom. This is Dr. Burke. He's the head of cardiac-thoracic surgery and Dr. O'Malley who will be assisting him. Dr. Burke wanted to talk to you about Emily's heart surgery.
Tom: Emily needs heart surgery?
Burke: Yes. Your daughter has a condition called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. The surgery will be extensive and the odds are that...
Dorie (interrupts): We don't believe in odds.
(Izzie smiles)
Burke: Good. Neither do I. But it is important that you both understand medically what's going on with your girls.
Addison: After she's born there won't be much time to ask questions. So...
Dorie: Ok. (to Burke) Listening.
Tom: What's wrong with Emily's heart?
Burke: The chambers on the left side are underdeveloped. In addition the mitral valve which connects these two chambers is abnormally narrow.
(Izzie gets a sad look an her face)
(Dr. Burke is on an empty elevator. Cristina gets on. The doors close so it's just them two. They both look like they want to say something but don't. Finally Burke cracks)
Burke: It's a key.
Cristina: Just a key?
Burke: Just a key.
Cristina: Well good. Good. Good.
(There's a bit of a silence)
Burke: Or, you can start thinking about moving in with me.
(Cristina gets a look of absolute shock on her face. The elevator doors open up. She gets off without saying anything as others get on.)
(Alex grabs Mr. Martin's chart from the nurse's station and heads towards Mr. Martin's room. Doyle bumps into him moving hurriedly from Mr. Martin's room looking upset)
Alex: Don't mind me.
(He walks into the room)
Alex: What's up with Doyle?
Robert: I had to fire him. Get me some water I'm drying up.
Alex: Yeah well that's the tumor talking. The IV is keeping you hydrated. So why did you fire Doyle? He seemed like a good guy.
Robert: I could see it in his eyes. He didn't respect me anymore.
Alex: He thought he was your friend.
Robert: Friend? Doyle?
Alex: Oh right you don't have any friends.
Robert: If I did I wouldn't let them see me like this. Illness is a sign of weakness. Once they see it they never look at you the same way again. I mean you're a hotshot doctor. I'm sure you don't let all the other hotshot doctors around here know anything about your problems.
Alex (smirks): Well I'm a hotshot doctor. I don't have any problems.
Robert: Probably don't have any friends either.
(Alex loses the smirk)
(Bailey lifts up Steve's sheets again to check his pen1s. Cristina peers over her shoulder to see as well)
Bailey (to Cristina): Oh my lord. Ooh, Child.
(Meredith walks back into the room)
Meredith: Don't tell me.
Cristina: The flag is flying once again.
Steve: Hey, nothing I did.
Bailey: Well we've tried everything. Must be neural.
Meredith: Neural?
Cristina (looks pointedly at Meredith): She already called for a consult.
(A look of recognition dawns on Meredith's face)
Meredith: A consult? (to Bailey horrified) You called neuro for a consult?
Bailey: Hey it's not my fault you broke the boy's pen1s.
(Derek walks in smiling broadly)
Derek: Hello everybody. What's up?
(Meredith looks sick)
(Derek lifts up the sheets to check Steve's never ending erection)
Derek: Hmm. (He puts the sheets down) So when did this problem begin?
Steve: Well I had an erection last night and woke up with one this morning.
(Meredith cringes at this. Cristina is standing next to Meredith trying not to laugh)
Bailey: Uh Dr. Shepherd if you don't need me, the other Dr. Shepherd needs a consult on one of the quints.
Derek (looking over Steve's chart): Yeah no we're fine.
(Bailey leaves)
Derek: So when did you last ejaculate?
(Meredith has a look of extreme discomfort on her face. Cristina just looks at her trying not to grin)
Steve: I'm not sure. (Steve turns to Meredith) Meredith? (Meredith cringes noticeably. Cristina again tries not to laugh. Derek looks up and sees both of these looks.)
Cristina (hint of laughter in her voice): Oh I'm, I'm gonna go with Dr. Bailey.
(Cristina leaves the room quickly)
Steve: Meredith, what time did we ah? (Meredith shakes her head as if to say this is not happening) You know... sort of
Derek (catches on): Yes Meredith, what time did you two...
(Meredith looks at him expressionless)
(Addison is with Izzie in Dorie's room. Addison is doing another ultrasound on Dorie. Dr. Bailey and Cristina are there as well. She does a printout and hands a copy to Dr. Bailey who looks over it. Cristina peers over her shoulder)
Addison: Here it is. Right there. The omphalocele.
Bailey (to Cristina): Yeah, look at that.
Dorie: That's the scariest word yet.
Cristina: All, all it means is that ah some of the baby's internal organs are growing in a sac outside its body.
Izzie (admonishing tone): Cristina!
Dorie (starts laughing hysterically): All it means her organs are growing outside of her body? That's all it means?
Izzie: It's gonna be okay.
(Dorie gets teary-eyed)
Bailey: I'll remove the sac membrane containing the organs and make a small incision in the baby's abdomen and put them back inside.
Dorie: Julie. (She shakes her head) She's the quiet one.
(Outside SGH)
(SGH Locker room)
(Cristina is getting dressed to go home. Burke walks in and meets her)
Cristina: What makes you... What makes you think we can live together? You don't know anything about me.
Burke: I know you prefer an 11 blade for your I and Ds. I know you prefer to say pickups instead of forceps. I know you like your coffee from the cart by the front entrance better than the coffee in the cafeteria. I know you.
Cristina: Those are little things. Just details.
Burke: I know you... You don't wanna move but I can't always be the one that takes the step. Any more steps and I'm walking away.
(He leaves the locker room. Cristina is left looking agonized)
(Olivia is knocking rapidly Mr. Martin's bathroom door that has been locked. Mr. Martin is in there and you can hear the sound of water running)
Olivia: Mr. Martin? Mr. Martin. Mr. Martin, please. Mr. Martin please you heard what the doctor said!
(Alex comes rushing in and tries to open the door)
Robert: I don't need any doctors, I don't need anyone.
Alex: Open the door Martin.
Robert: I am an island, a beautiful island surrounded by water.
Olivia: What do you wanna do?
Alex: Shepherd gave me one job to do. Just keep this dude from drinking water.
Olivia: Do you want me to page him?
Alex: No I can handle this. Just go get some restraints and turn the water off to the floor.
(Olivia runs out and Alex bangs on the door)
Alex: Martin, open the door!
(In Steve's room where Dr. Shepherd is reading from Steve's chart. Steve is lying in bed with Meredith standing at his bedside)
Derek: Your CT shows a tumor on your lower spine which is pressing against your cavernous nerve which is causing the erection.
(Derek looks at Meredith. Meredith looks down)
Steve: A tumor. Right. A tumor. (to Meredith) So I should be scared, right? This is, this is the time for scared.
(He reaches out and grabs Meredith's hand in his)
Meredith (looking a little queasy): Um, it's going to be fine. (She tries to pull her hand away but Steve has a good grip) Um, Dr. Shepherd is, is gonna a schedule a surgery.
(Derek notices the hand holding)
Derek: Yes, I'll remove the tumor and everything should return to normal.
Steve: Normal, normal?
Derek: Well I have a urologist on his way up to talk to you. But yes (he looks at Meredith briefly) normal, normal.
(Meredith just looks like this can't be happening)
Steve: Can you call my mom? Her number is in my wallet. Tell her to come but don't tell her about the tumor. I don't want to freak her out when she has to get on a plane.
Meredith: Sure, okay.
Derek: How long have you two been seeing each other?
Meredith (quick to answer): We're not. Seeing each other.
Steve: We met last night at Joe's.
(Meredith closes her eyes in horror)
Derek: Joe's bar? (He half chuckles) Mmm hmm. I met a girl there once myself. (He looks at Meredith) A very long time ago.
(He leaves the room. Meredith looks sick and gives a forced smile to Steve)
(Mr. Martin's room, Alex is still trying to jam the door open. Olivia comes running back in)
Olivia: The water's off. We'll just have to wait until he sobers up.
Alex: His sodium levels will drop too low.
(Alex starts slamming his body against the door to open it. He slams it open. Alex and Olivia move to go in and stop when they see Mr. Martin drinking water from the toilet bowl. He looks up and sees them. Alex and Olivia give each other glances. Mr. Martin starts to shove more water into his mouth. Alex and Olivia both move to Mr. Martin and drag him back to his bed)
Robert: No! No! Leave me alone! Let me go back. I need the water! I need it!
Alex: Martin, we're trying to help.
Robert: I don't want your help. (Alex pins him down onto the bed as Olivia races round and places restraints on him) I don't want people to look at me. I'm pathetic. Stop looking at me! Stop looking at me!
Alex: Give him 3% hypertonic solution. (Olivia nods) 500ccs per hour over the next 4 hours. We need to stabilize him.
(Olivia leaves)
Robert: You think you're such hot shot doctor. You're not. You're nothing. I'm gonna fire you too!
Alex: Go ahead fire me.
(Burke's apartment)
(Burke is doing pushups with an ab wheel thing in the living room. Cristina enters the apartment using her key. Burke stops when sees Cristina)
Cristina: I used the key.
Burke: That's a step.
Cristina: So you really wanna know me?
Burke: There's nothing that you could reveal about yourself that I wouldn't want to know.
(Cristina's apartment)
(Burke and Cristina walk in together. Cristina dumps her bag on the floor. Burke looks slightly off put at the place. He picks up her bag and places it on a chair. The place is the biggest pigsty I have ever seen. Clothes are all over the floor and furniture. Books, papers are strewn over the entire floor. Empty take away containers are on the table)
Cristina: This is where I live. My mother decorated it. I don't do laundry. I buy new underwear. And see ah under the table, 6 months of magazines that I know I'll never read but I won't throw out. I don't wash dishes, vacuum or put the toilet paper on the holder. I hired a maid once. She ran away crying. Ah the only things in my fridge are water, vodka and diet soda and I don't care. But you do. Still think living together is a good idea?
(Burke is silent and gives a quick smile and continues to ponder)
(Seattle scenes)
(SGH, outdoor cafeteria)
(Meredith and Alex are both at the coffee cart picking up coffee. Izzie comes up to them and starts making herself a cup of tea)
Izzie: Hey. Addison wants me to put you guys on notice. When the quints are born we're going to need everyone available. There's gonna be 5 babies, at least 3 surgeries, we're going to need all the hands we can get.
Meredith (not really there): Ok.
Alex (abrupt): Fine.
Izzie (confused): So, I'll just page you guys when we need you?
Meredith: Ok.
Alex: Fine.
(They both walk off to a table. Izzie looks annoyed and continues making her tea)
Izzie: Ok then.
(Meredith is sitting at a table and Alex is standing)
Alex: I was studying. What's your excuse?
Meredith: I was staring at the ceiling in abject horror. My one night stand is a neurosurgical case.
Alex (grins nodding): Heard you broke his pen1s. Nice.
Meredith: So I'm having a lot of s*x. What's wrong with that?
Alex: Nothing wrong with that at all.
Meredith: It only gets problematic when you start to care. When you let your emotions get in the way. (Alex looks at Izzie) You know?
Alex: Yeah, right.
(He walks up slowly to Izzie but his pager beeps. Izzie notices him and Alex looks at his pager)
Alex: Damn it.
(Alex hurries off leaving Izzie looking pensive)
Izzie (to person at coffee cart): I'll just take the tea.
(Alex is walking fast into Mr. Martin's room. Olivia is in there checking on Mr. Martin who looks deathly ill)
Alex: What is it? Why'd you page me?
Olivia: He was acting all jittery and started slurring his words.
Alex: Martin, can you hear me?
(All of a sudden Mr. Martin starts seizing badly. His monitors start beeping rapidly. Derek walks in. Alex and Olivia try to keep Martin steady)
Alex: 2 of atavan. (to Derek) He started seizing.
Derek: How much sodium did you give him?
Alex: 500ccs over 4 hours.
Olivia: Actually doctor you ordered 500ccs per hour over 4 hours.
Derek: It's too fast. His brain is swelling.
(Derek checks Mr. Martin's eyes)
Derek: Why did you do a follow up? I gave you one thing to do!
Alex: He's gonna be okay, right?
Derek: If he's permanently impaired I can't operate on him like this.
(Alex looks ill at this)
(Alex is sitting on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed in the on call room. He throws a ball against wall back and forth in frustration. Olivia walks into the room)
Olivia: I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to get you in trouble but Dr. Shepherd needed to know. It doesn't mean you're not a good doctor.
Alex: Lately I'm crap.
(Olivia sits down on the bed next to Alex)
Olivia: Yeah well things have been kinda crappy for me too lately.
Alex: Also my fault.
Olivia (shrugs): We both made mistakes.
Alex: Let me ask you something. When we were together, it was good right?
Olivia: You mean? (Alex nods. Olivia is silent a bit and then lets out a breath of air and smiles broadly) Yeah. Yeah. It was good. It was really good. (Alex smiles) It was pretty great.
Alex: It was wasn't it? It was like easy, simple.
(Olivia lets out a chuckle. They both look at each other for a moment and then start kissing passionately. They stop)
Olivia: You better have a condom this time.
(Alex grins and they continue kissing again)
(Meredith and Derek are in the OR operating on Steve)
Derek: Ah there it is. Over the S1 vertebrae.
Meredith: So removing it should fix the problem?
Derek: Hmm. Doesn't look like there's any nerve damage. There shouldn't be any long term effect. I'd wait a few weeks before I tested it out though.
Meredith: Funny. You're a funny man.
Derek: I just didn't know you two were dating.
Meredith: Well you knew it would happen eventually.
Derek: Eventually feels a lot different than actually.
Meredith: Yeah, I guess it does.
Derek (sighs): Yeah well it's surprisingly painful.
Meredith: It gets better.
Derek: Does it?
Meredith: Well, I dunno but I'm determined to be optimistic.
(Derek is walking down the mezzanine hallway by himself. Addison is signing a chart in front of the OR board in the hallway. She hands it off to a scrub nurse. Derek walks up to her)
Derek: So you officially signed your contract. Congratulations.
Addison: Time to move forward.
Derek: Yeah it is.
(Addison stares at him)
Addison: We're ok, right?
Derek: Yeah we're ok.
(Addison's pager goes off. She reads it)
Addison: It's Dorie.
(She runs off)
(Addison enters Dorie's room. Dorie is moaning in pain. She's having big contractions. Izzie is looking over Dorie's uterus read out)
Addison: What's going on?
Izzie: There's fetal distress.
Dorie: My contractions are really hurting. Uh, I think my water broke.
(Addison pulls the sheet to the side and sees a pool of blood stained on the sheets)
Izzie: Her placenta's tearing.
(Addison nods)
Addison: Ok, Dorie we can't wait any longer the babies have to come out now!
(She runs out of the room)
Izzie: It's okay. We're going to take really good care of you.
Dorie: Yeah.
Izzie: Just keep breathing.
(Dorie is still having painful contractions. Addison is back there and there are 2 other nurse's helping prepare to move Dorie to the OR)
Addison: Ah Dorie, the OR is prepped and ready to go. Where's Tom?
Dorie (let out a moan of pain): He's at home with the boys.
Izzie: No, I called Tom, he's on his way.
Addison: Izzie go and page everyone on Dorie's team. The list is posted at the nurse's station.
(Izzie moves to leave but Dorie clutches her arm to stop her)
Addison: Dorie, Dorie, you're fine. You're gonna be fine.
Dorie: Nothing about this is fine! It's too early. They're too hurt!
Izzie: Dorie, you've carried your girls this far, now it's our turn. You have to trust us to bring them into the world.
Dorie: Tom's on his way?
Izzie (nods): Tom's on his way.
(Steve is lying in a hospital bed back in his room post-op. Meredith comes up to him)
Steve: Hey.
Meredith: Hey.
Steve: I guess I'll just have to tell you I'm happy to see you.
Meredith (smiles): So, Dr. Shepherd removed the tumor without any complications.
Steve: So, I just wanna thank you for being there for me. I mean, normally you don't expect your one night stand to stick by you through a tumor. (Meredith smiles) Maybe when I get outta her we can...
Meredith (interrupts): I don't think so.
Steve: Sure about that?
Meredith: Yeah. You know when I saw you at Joe's I was just... looking for a replacement. Looking for something to make me feel better. You deserve better than that.
(Meredith's pager goes off. She hears another pager go off and turns around. George is standing in the doorway. They both smile at each other. Meredith turns around and her pager goes off again.)
Meredith: Sorry, I gotta go.
(Cristina's apartment)
(Cristina and Burke are both lying asleep, naked under a sheet on the floor of Cristina's living room. They are both woken up by their beepers going off. They both sit up and read them)
Cristina: The quints.
(SGH Hallway)
(Addison with other doctors are moving Dorie quickly down a hallway. Izzie is there following)
Izzie: Everybody answered their pages but Dr. Karev.
Addison: Where is he? We need everyone.
Izzie: Uh I don't know. He was on call last night, he might be asleep.
Addison: Go find him!
(Izzie runs off)
(Alex's beeper goes off. Izzie opens the door to the on call room and sees Alex lying on top of Olivia. Izzie looks at him stone-faced)
Izzie: It's time for the quints. We need you.
(Izzie walks away. Alex drops his head on the bed)
(In the OR room, Dorie is lying on the table. Tom is standing near her head. The OR is filled with doctors getting ready for the babies surgery. Alex walks in and notices Izzie. Derek is there looking at Addison. Addison is operating on Dorie. She sees Derek smiling at her. Meredith is staring at Derek.)
MVO: How do you know how much is too much?
(Addison pulls out a baby and hands her to George)
MVO: Too much, too soon.
(Cristina moves to stand next to Addison. George takes the baby over to Dr. Burke who starts checking her immediately. Addison pulls out the baby with her organs at her side. She hands her to Cristina)
MVO: Too much information.
(Cristina takes the baby over quickly to Dr. Bailey who starts operating on her immediately. Meredith takes a baby from Addison. Alex moves to take her place. Meredith places her baby in an incubator)
MVO: Too much fun.
(Alex takes a baby from Addison. Izzie takes his place next to Addison.)
MVO: Too much love.
(Tom is stroking Dorie's head. Dorie is awake during the C-Section. Derek is checking on the baby Alex brought)
MVO: Too much to ask.
(Izzie takes the baby from Addison and over to another incubater. All the babies are in their own incubators and are being wheeled out individually. Dorie watches them go by)
MVO: And when is it all just too much to bear?
(Cristina and Dr. Bailey leave with their baby. Derek follows her with his baby. Izzie is the last of them to leave. She gives a reassuring glance to Dorie who looks upset) | Plan: A: Meredith; Q: Who is mortified when her one-night stand shows up at the hospital? A: priapism; Q: What is the condition that Meredith's one-night stand is suffering from? A: medical attention; Q: What does Meredith's one-night stand need? A: quintuplets; Q: What is the name of the pregnancy that Izzie, Addison and Derek are assigned to? A: numerous medical issues; Q: What is the woman carrying quintuplets overwhelmed by? A: her high-risk pregnancy; Q: What is the woman carrying quintuplets navigating? A: Alex; Q: Who is the doctor who Izzie catches having sex with Olivia? A: Alex's shortcomings frustrate Izzie; Q: What does Izzie think of Alex? A: his incompetence; Q: What does Alex show when he administers the wrong dosage to a patient? A: Burke; Q: Who does Cristina reluctantly show where she lives? Summary: Meredith is mortified when her one-night stand shows up at the hospital suffering from priapism and needing medical attention. Izzie, Addison and Derek are assigned to a case where a woman carrying quintuplets is overwhelmed by numerous medical issues as she navigates her high-risk pregnancy. Alex's shortcomings frustrate Izzie, especially when she catches Alex and Olivia having sex. On the other hand, Alex again shows his incompetence in treating one of his patients by administering the wrong dosage. Cristina reluctantly shows Burke where she lives. |
David Wallace: ...No, you lied to me Andy. You pretended to be in this office for three months and you were sailing on your boat!
Andy: I resent that. I, I never lied to you.
David: Really? [reading from phone] "Hey David, all is good in Scranton PA."
Andy: And all was good in Scranton PA that day.
David: "By the way, Oscar says 'hi'"
Andy: Oscar says "hi" all the time. He says all kinds of greetings. "Hi" "Hello" "Hola" You're telling me you've never heard Oscar say "hi"?
David: Andy.
Andy: But you're calling me a liar.
David: Andy!
Andy: By the way, that reminds me, I want to ask you about some of the lies you've been telling lately.
David: Watch it Andy!
Andy: Oh, here we go, January seventh 2013. [Reading from phone] "Hey Andy, all's well. Been meaning to make it down there but my wife's sick." Well, which is it?! Is all well or is your wife sick?! BUSTED!
David: My wife?
Andy: This has been a really tough time.
David: Yeah?
Andy: Yeah.
David: Has it?
Andy: Erin just dumped me and I can't remember any of the aha moments I had on the boat, and I know it sounds weird to say but I really miss my beard.
David: Shh.
Andy: It was like a security blan-
David: Andy.
Andy: -ket
David: Shh. I'm not gonna fire you.
Andy: You're not?
David: No.
Andy: That's awesome.
David: I wouldn't own the company if it wasn't for you. So...I owe you that.
Andy: David, I'll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be here for you. I'll be there for you. That's a poem by J.B. Jovi. I want you to have it.
David: We are even...now. Understand? Got it?
Andy: Crystal.
David: You are on very- Hey, very thin ice.
Andy: Vanilla. [David looks confused] Vanilla Ice. It was a band.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Good morning.
Erin: Good morning.
Andy: And how are you on this fine- [chokes up, runs into office and slams door pulling the blinds closed]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: [Crying] Ok, we ready? [cut] Don't use that part. Last week, Erin told me that our relationship would be proceeding without me. Now I have to see her everyday at work. Which is...brutal. When people say office relationships are a good idea, they never talk about what might happen if you break up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: [Moaning from office] Ahhh! Oooooh! ahh
Pam: He sounds like a wounded animal.
Stanley: Should've put him out of his misery and just fired her.
Phyllis: I can't be around sad people, it makes me sad.
Stanley: I'm the same way with horny people.
Pam: Ok. [Andy continues moaning]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: Yes. Pete and I have started seeing each other and Andy still doesn't know. We thought that keeping it secret was more considerate to him. And hot for us. I mean I saw Pete's butt. It's sick.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: [taking paper from Kevin] Oh that's mine! Um, I'll just, I'll get it out of the way for you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Jim set up a job interview for me today in Philly. It's um, with a real estate company, which is a great fit for me because I live in a house and I know what a bathroom is. [laughs] I'm sorry, I am just very nervous because honestly this is all moving a lot faster than I expected. And, and because my resume can fit on a post-it note.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: [on phone] No, don't just let her eat the grass, she'll puke it right up. OK, just put out two bowls and see which feed she prefers. I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your precious time, Mose, but she's your aunt too. Fine. I'll see what I can do.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: [Jumps out from behind vending machine] I need you.
Angela: Ahh! Dwight!
Dwight: And you should take breaks more often, I've been waiting there for 45 minutes.
Angela: What? What is it?
Dwight: It's my aunt Shirley, she's on her last legs.
Angela: Dwight, that's awful.
Dwight: You have no idea. I mean her hair, clothes, it's all falling off in great big clumps. And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. We had a nurse, but she quit because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley.
Angela: What do you mean by "poisoned"?
Dwight: Probably nothing, or strychnine. Or lemonade and strychnine. Which is actually what it was.
Angela: Ok, well I'm very sorry about your aunt.
Dwight: Thank you.
Angela: But I don't see how this is my problem.
Dwight: Angela. You owe me one, remember? Now please, she's an old woman Angela. She needs a woman's touch. It's all hanging out-
Angela: Ugh.
Dwight: And there's parts of her I don't even recognize.
Angela: Gah.
Dwight: There's this one hanging part in particular, that's some sort of flap.
Angela: It's fine.
Dwight: It's like a prehensile wing or something, you know?
Angela: Ugh! God, I can't. OK, I'll-
Dwight: It's a divet...
Angela: I'll help you!
Dwight: ..where it was and it needs, it needs a...
Angela: Ugh.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Where are you going?
Pam: Uh, not on a three month boat trip.
Andy: Wha? Oh, burn. [laughs, Angela and Dwight move to leave.] Uh, excuse me. What, everyone can just leave whenever they want now?
Dwight: How dare you?
Andy: I'm still the boss!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: I...
Andy: The answer is yes.
Erin: ..just have some messages for you.
Andy: Are they from you?
Erin: Well no, they're from clients.
Andy: Well then, I don't want them. You can keep 'em. In fact, you can keep that big blue Nautica sweater, I know how much you love it.
Erin: I can't. I-
Andy: Nope, I insist upon it. It's an awesome sweater. Some great memories tied up in that thing.
Erin: These are messages from clients who want to buy paper.
Andy: I don't want to talk about work right now.
Erin: Well I only want to talk about work right now.
Andy: Then I want my big blue sweater back.
Erin: Well, I gave it to the Salvation Army.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pete: I've got the seat adjusted right.
Clark: Perfect height, yeah.
Andy: She got rid of it. My blue sweater. What is that about?
Pete: I was just leaving.
Andy: Stay! We are in the bro-zone layer. Ok? Nard dog, Plop and Clarker Posey, AKA Clarkwork Orange. Here's the sitch: Erin dumped me, natch. But she got rid of my blue sweater, which was her favorite. Is she moving on a little fast, or am I being a total psycho? Plop, you go first.
Pete: I don't know. Women do tend to move on quicker than men.
Andy: Survey says: ENH! Doesn't make me feel better at all. Zero Clark Thirty, what do you got?
Clark: Look at it this way, being a bachelor is not all bad. I mean, you've got your freedom now.
Andy: Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and I ate it over the sink like a rat.
Clark: There you go, good for you.
Andy: No.
Clark: You just let it all hang out, that's what...
Andy: May not seem like it, but this really helped. So, thank you. [Andy leaves]
Clark: I'll give you a hundred dollars to wear that sweater to work tomorrow.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Aunt Shirley, Hello! It's me Dwight.
Shirley: Oh, lookie here. It's big city Dwight. Careful you don't get mud on those fancy town shoes, big city Dwight.
Angela: Hello Aunt Shirley.
Shirley: Who's this little kitchen witch? She's so tiny like a little kitchen witch.
Dwight: This is Angela, and we brought you some new clothes!
Shirley: New clothes? What for? [Aunt Shirley's boob shows]
Dwight: OK
Angela: Oh, God.
Dwight: You know what? Before you put the new clothes on, Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit.
Angela: Yes. How would you like a nice warm bath?
Shirley: How would you like a mean cold slap? [slaps Angela]
Angela: Ow!
Dwight: Ok, Aunt Shirley, dear, uh, can I get you a nice crisp liter of schnapps?
Shirley: I could do that.
Dwight: Ok.
Angela: No. No.
Dwight: Yeah, trust me.
Angela: No.
Dwight: It keeps her docile. Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find.
Shirley: Step on it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Why doesn't Erin seem sad? Has she found someone new or something? And if so, why hasn't she told me? Is she trying to spare my feelings? During breakups, the mind goes to some crazy dark places.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Phyllis: Andy, don't. No good can come from snooping.
Andy: I'm not snooping, there's just some crud on her screen.
Oscar: You're clearly snooping.
Creed: That's kinda uncool, man.
Meredith: Ah, come on.
Phyllis: Andy!
Oscar: That's her private property.
Meredith: Tell us!
Andy: Uh, hello! Who's snooping on who now?
Phyllis: What does that even mean?
Meredith: What's it say?
Phyllis: Put it down.
Andy: Everyone please, just-
Creed: It's not cool.
Phyllis: Put it down
Oscar: Andy. That is her private property.
Meredith: Boo.
Andy: Oh my god.
Stanley: Uh huh.
Phyllis: See?
Stanley: That's where nosey'll get you.
Phyllis: Told you so.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Darryl, Clark, Toby, Kevin, Plop. Take a knee. Alright, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. Uh, couldn't shake this feeling that Erin's dating someone so I looked at her phone.
Darryl: Man, you can't do that stuff. You'll only find pain. When my ex-wife got into my e-mail account, she was devastated.
Andy: Too late. I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. Does anybody know a Pete?
Kevin: Pete...
Clark: Hmm.
Kevin: Pete what?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pete: It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me Plop for so long, he forgot my real name. Which is Pete.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: [whispers] hello!
Jim: Hey! There she is. [Pam laughs] How you doin?
Pam: Hi! Hey, do I look ok?
Jim: You look great.
Pam: Ok
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: [pointing to Jim's bluetooth headset] What's that? Is that a-
Jim: Ok, I know where you're going with this, and this is who I am now. I'm a douche. But look what I can do with my hands. [Pam laughs]
Isaac: Gotta go, VIP just walked through the door.
Pam: How are you, Isaac? You have something in your ear.
Isaac: It's a phone?
Pam: Yes. It is. And thank you so much for setting up this opportunity, I really appreciate it.
Isaac: Of course, anything for Team Halpert. You're gonna crush it, Pam.
Pam: Thanks.
Jim: You are gonna crush it. Wow, I missed you.
Pam: Wait, are you saying that into the phone or are you saying that to me.
Jim: [touches headset] Call you right back. What were you saying?
Pam: Ha ha.
Athlead Coworker: Hey, Jim! We've got Trent Edwards on the line.
Jim: I've gotta go, but you know what? Team Halpert, ok? You're gonna crush it, you're gonna smash it.[Pam laughs] OK, good luck!
Pam: Bye.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Angela: Gosh, she drank so much. And so quickly.
Dwight: In her prime, Shirles could put away homemade schnapps morning noon and night.
Shirley: [coughs and laughs in her sleep]
Dwight: Now all it takes is half a liter. She's dreaming. Alright, let's get her out to the yard so you can spray her down.
Angela: Spray her down?
Dwight: No, it's a lot better than it sounds. There's a private shower area. Very tasteful, very rustic.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pete: Hey.
Andy: Come on in. Have a seat. Uh, thanks for coming in, I just gotta get something off my chest. I just got some really weird news and uh, I'm just gonna come out and say it. I just got off the phone with my doctor, and it turns out I contracted [reading computer screen] shlmydia...from Erin. And it's incurable. Pretty lame huh?
Pete: Yeah. [long pause] You were gone.
Andy: I knew it!
Pete: For a long time, Andy.
Andy: You and Erin are fuhhhhhhherraaaaa!
Pete: Andy, just so you know, there was no overlap.
Andy: No overlap? Great. Good. Wow. This is suddenly so easy. Guess what? You're fired!
Pete: What?
Andy: Yeah. You. Are. Fired! One of the perks of being boss. I can fire anyone who steals my girlfriend. And wow, that turns out to be you. Yup. Sorry. [singing] So you had a bad day-
Pete: Andy?
Andy: ..The camera don't lie!
Pete: Andy.
Andy: You're being an idiot get..
Pete: I'm trying..
Andy: Out of my office, turns out you're fired...
Pete: Andy.
Andy: Because you suck.
Pete: You can't fire-
Andy: And you're fired...
Pete: If you want to talk to me
Andy: So you had a bad day...
Pete: I'll be in the annex.
Andy: Rut ti doh doh...
Pete: Alright? I'll be in the annex.
Andy: Rut tit doh doh...
Pete: Toby!
Andy: Rut ti doh doo doh
Pete: Toby?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: You can't fire Pete. You understand why, right?
Andy: No.
Toby: Oh, Andy, we had this exact same conversation when you wanted to get rid of Nellie. You can't just get rid of people over grudges.
Andy: Nellie was a professional grudge. This is a purely personal grudge.
Toby: Alright, well look. While I have you here, this is a relationship disclosure form for Pete & Erin.
Andy: They already have a contract? [Reading] "Mutually agree to-" Ah, every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch.
Toby: It's just boiler plating, you don't have to read it.
Andy: Well, I'm not signing away my rights.
Toby: I already signed it. I was just showing you.
Andy: Ok, well we'll see about that. [crumples paper]
Toby: Andy, it's not the original. And destroying it will not stop them from dating. Andy. [Andy throws paper at him and leaves, Toby straightens paper out] It's the original.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: ...[singing] talking Chester avenue, talking triplex, talking converting...Is that her? Hey guys! Say something.
Pam: Hello.
Mark: Hi, I'm Mark.
Pam: Hi, Pam, hello.
Mark: I'm the horrible boss around here, but please don't hire Jamie Foxx to kill me. D'Jango! I don't agree with the use of the "N" word in that movie. It's, it's too soon.
Pam: I'm Pam Halpert.
Mark: Oh, hi. They call me Marky Mark around here, because here at Simon Realty, we are one funky bunch! Come on you guys, raise the roof when I say that! I- what are you all temps again today? Let's go, Gangnam style. [laughs] He's heard Gangnam style, he knows it. Right? That's cause he's American. This is Carl. Uh, he's from here. Our neck of the woods. But Gangnam style is great, isn't it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Oh my god. He's Michael Scott.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Shirley: Time to get clean!
Dwight: It's hosing time Aunt Shirley, have a seat. You're gonna have a hard time hearing her over the roar of the hose.
Angela: You have to use chains?
Dwight: You'll see. Here we go.
Shirley: Let's get this show on the road.
Dwight: Let's do it! Ready? Here's a box cutter to get her clothes off.
Angela: Dwight!
Dwight: Let's get to it.
Angela: No! No!
Dwight: Give it a whirl.
Angela: Dwight, I am not gonna hose your aunt down like some animal.
Shirley: Stop your belly-aching and hose me.
Dwight: I need you to hose my aunt.
Angela: No Dwight!
Dwight: OK you are useless.
Angela: No, Dwight!
Dwight: Give me the hose!
Angela: No Dwight, I won't- [hoses Dwight]
Dwight: Ahh! OK!
Angela: [grunting] I'm gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut like a lady! And you two are gonna shut up about it! Do you have a bathtub?
Dwight: Yes ma'am.
Angela: Good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: This is not an office so much as it is a uh, rec room with a bunch of computers in it. Frankly, if I had my way, I'd toss the computers in the gar-bage. But unfortunately we use them for practically everything we do. So. That ain't gonna happen. He's a temp, don't worry about him. Alice! Alright, stay awake ok?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: Hey Nellie. Mmm. I am so sick of February. It's the shortest month but it sure doesn't feel that way. We should catch up.
Nellie: Um.
Toby: Y'know I've been going over my notes from the trial...
Nellie: Oh no.
Toby: ...feel like I may have glossed over a few...
Nellie: No no no no.
Toby: ...minor points.
Nellie: No. Toby, you cannot keep blathering on about this Scranton Strangler. Do something about it. Get it out of your system, whatever it takes.
Toby: I've been drafting a letter.
Nellie: For two years! Then what? Another year picking out a stamp? Another six months before you decide to lick it? Just- I don't want to hear it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: My aunt Joan. Oh, uh well, she uh, she worked here before I did, so there's no nepotism involved. In fact, to be honest with you I'm probably a little harder on her than I am on the rest of these people. Ah, cute. Not work on this...work on this months. Ok Nana? Uh, when I say "Chillax" people chillax. Watch this. Hey Roger, chillax! Must not have heard me.
Roger: No. I heard you.
Mark: Step this way for The Spanish Inquisition! [laughs] Kids in the Hall. Just, it's not high pressure. Just a little Coffee Talk. Ok? Like butta. Come on in here. Mike Myers.
Pam: [Mouths] Oh my god.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Thank you! Thanks, thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. You guys are supposed to have my back. OK? Instead you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.
Meredith: Hey boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks, I emailed him shots of my junk....
Andy: Ugh.
Meredith: Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.
Phyllis: Come on Andy, they're a good match.
Andy: That doesn't matter. Ok? What matters is that I am hurt! Deep hurt inside of me. I don't care if they're Romeo and freaking Juliet! I feel like the guy that Juliet dated before Romeo. Probably her boss. And guess what? Juliet's boss also had feelings.
Darryl: Hey, Andy.
Andy: What?!
Darryl: You've got a booger bubble going on there.
Andy: [wipes nose] Sorry.
Darryl: It's ok.
Andy: My whole life is a booger bubble!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: This is a tiny resume. Papa Smurf! Come back to the mushroom. [Pam laughs] From The Smurfs movie.
Pam: Yeah, I've seen that with my kids. Um, it is tiny, but I've actually been commissioned by the City of Scranton to paint a mural-
Mark: What does this say here? To ti te per tat... what language is this? Swahili? Oh wait a second, now I can read it.
Pam: Oh, cause it was upside down. [both laugh]
Mark: You're a good audience. [Pam laughs]
Pam: So um-
Mark: Unlike some of these people around here.
Pam: Yeah, the um, the city commissioned me to do the-
Mark: Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. But I like this resume and here's why. It shows that you stick around. Yeah. You don't jump ship easily. Like a lot of these people. I mean they worship me you know? But do they like me? I mean...you think they like me, Pam?
Pam: Yes.
Mark: [gets guitar] What if Bob Dylan was your boss? I'm gonna do Dylan! [playing guitar and imitating Bob Dylan] Pam Halpert is my name, and I've been at Dunder Mifflin for seven years? Eight years? Eight years, man. Got the Dunder Mifflin blues. Got the Pam Halpert blues. Got the pra- went to the Pratt Institute...You have children?
Pam: Two children, yes.
Mark: You wrote Art and Painting, kinda the same thing. Kinda the same thing. Sometimes I repeat myself, but that's just being Pam. Well I'm kinda cute and I'm- but I'm married so...leave that be.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pete: Hey. You got a sec to talk?
Andy: Kinda painful to chat with you Pete. Ever since the old one-two punch to my scrotum pole. Translation: pen1s. Translation? My manhood.
Pete: Yeah. Look, uh I understand breakups are tough. You know, it happens to all of us at some point in life. But you've gotta move on.
Andy: Great advice. Thank you, you can leave now.
Erin: Listen to him, Andy. He's trying to tell you something that you really need to hear.
Andy: Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in.
Pete: Well, I've been where you are now. I dated this girl Alice and it was an ugly breakup. She worked at a marketing agency right next to my house. I'd run into her every day but I had to grow up and deal with it, and I did. We're even Facebook friends now.
Erin: See? We can all be friends!
Pete: Yeah.
Erin: Just, get over it. It doesn't have to be awkward.
Pete: I do think we can have a fair....
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Yeah, so life gives you lemons and you've just gotta eat them, rinds and all. And if you don't want to eat them? Your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. So that's fun.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: Nothing to see here! Boss at work. This will be your desk. Right up front. Best seat on the roller coaster, you must be this tall to ride this ride. No pregnant women allowed. Are you? Uh, yeah I don't- not allowed to ask. So...
Pam: I am not pr-
Mark: You're not.
Pam: Pregnant, no.
Mark: I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. She just offered it. The last three girls here all got pregnant.
Pam: Wow.
Mark: Don't be afraid, it's a different chair. I don't want a guy up here. I want to you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. Something that, I have to look out this window, I want someone-
Pam: I'm sorry I thought this job was for the position of office manager.
Mark: It is. Yeah, you would uh manage this office. Answer the phones and forward the calls and uh you know, go for a coffee run now and again.
Pam: So, kinda like a receptionist.
Mark: Yeah, like a receptionist, but we call you the office manager because uh, it's less demeaning. By the way, how long are these uh, cameras gonna be following you around? Because I think this is pretty cool. Pretty pretty cool. Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Do you like that show?
Pam: Yes.
Mark: Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. I like scripted.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: I spent 10 years as a receptionist, to Michael Scott. And I have kids now. And I just, I can't.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Shirley: Ow! The braid is too tight.
Angela: Oh hush. Loose braids reflect a loose character. Now stay still.
Shirley: Yes ma'am.
Angela: I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way.
Shirley: Ok.
Angela: There.
Shirley: Thank you Angela.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: I'm going to the prison. This afternoon. I'm gonna talk to the strangler.
Nellie: Probably best to use his real name rather than strangler.
Darryl: Don't use his real name. George Howard Scubb. It's a devil name.
Toby: Well I just wanted to say I'm doing it. [Toby leaves]
Nellie: He's doing it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: [on phone] hey!
Jim: Hey, how'd the interview go?
Pam: Oh my gosh, wait until you. This guy was unbelievable. Ok so-
Jim: I can't wait to hear about it later. Do you want to come in at eight? And uh, don't eat because I'm ordering in.
Pam: Eight? Really?
Jim: I'll make it worth your while, I promise.
Pam: Sure. I mean, it's Philly. I can kill four hours. So uh, yeah. I'll see you at eight.
Jim: Alright, love you.
Pam: Love you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Alice: Hi.
Erin: Hi.
Alice: I'm here from BCI Marketing Consultants to meet with Andrew Bernard.
Erin: Yes. The consultant. Andy said you can start right away so I will take you to your desk.
Alice: Ok, great. Thanks.
Meredith: Fresh meat! Fresh meat! [Making kissing noises]
Erin: Just keep walking, don't give her anything. She'll take it and run. I'm Erin by the way.
Alice: Nice to meet you. Cute sweater.
Erin: Oh, thanks. Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk.
Kevin: I'm Kevin.
Alice: Pete?
Pete: Alice. Oh man.
Alice: It's uh, been a while, huh?
Erin: What, do you two know each other?
Pete: Yeah. We uh, have a history.
Erin: Oh.
Alice: History. Wow, ok. We dated for two years.
Erin: That's so random.
Pete: Well. Is it?
Erin: Andy also hired a management consultant today. Oh no. [runs to front office]
Creed: Hey Erin, look who's back. The bird man.
Gabe: Hello beautiful.
Kevin: Didn't you two used to do it?
Gabe: We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that.
Creed: She's looking good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: Hi, I'm uh, Toby Flenderson. I'm here to see George Howard Scubb.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: This is the prison. Uh, I am not going in there with expectations, per say. Uh, I will meet George Howard Scubb. I will tell him that I believe he is innocent. I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. I would understand if a friendship began. How did, how did Bogart put it? [imitating Humphrey Bogart] I think this is a start of my first friendship.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clark: So Pete was a librarian?
Alice: He worked as a librarian freshman year.
Clark: Was he like the sexy librarian?
Pete: Ok.
Alice: Is there like somebody who's in charge of marketing? Maybe I should sit near him or her.
Andy: Hi.
Alice: Hi.
Andy: Hi, how's it going?
Alice: Hi. [laughs] Good. I'd love to discuss strategy with you if you have a marketing p-
Andy: Wow this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with?
Pete: Andy, that is really inappropriate.
Andy: Awkward.
Pete: It is awkward. This is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived.
Andy: [high pitched] Really uncomfortable situation.
Pete: Yeah.
Andy: It's alright Pete, you can handle it. I mean we all just gotta "move on". Ain't that right professor lecture much? Uh, question. How's that medicine taste? Your own flavored? Is it just me or have these tables turned? Hmm. Hmm. [leaves]
Alice: So there's no marketing department.
Clark: No.
Pete: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gabe: You know, times were tough. I was unemployed, I was still heart-broken over you, I've lost a good fifty pounds. But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. Feel how fat my buttocks are. Yeah, it's crazy. Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin.
Erin: So Andy just called you up out of the blue?
Gabe: Yeah. He told me you two broke up.
Erin: Yeah.
Gabe: You must be pretty horny. [Erin shakes head no]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Nellie: well, the good news is no more guilty conscience. At least you know he is the strangler. The proof is in the grip. Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? [Toby nods] One week? [Toby shakes head] Ok, two weeks? [Toby nods] Ok. You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice. Isn't that the expression? No. Well, anyway, it was, it was very brave. It really was quite brave.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Shirley: I feel like a show pony.
Dwight: And you look like one too. Thank you Angela.
Angela: You're welcome. Would you like some stew?
Dwight: By all means. And I will carve the roast skunk. Angela?
Angela: Mmhm.
Dwight: Would you like the stink sack?
Angela: Is it any good?
Dwight: No, you don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wish bone. You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack.
Angela: Thank you. [both laugh]
Shirley: So, when's the wedding?
Angela: Oh, um actually uh, we are just friends.
Shirley: That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow and look what he did to that poor thing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Hello?
Jim: Hey! Back here.
Pam: Oh, wow. Seriously? Oh my gosh, is that champagne?
Jim: Si, senor.
Pam: Oh, Jim I should have told you I didn't get the job.
Jim: Oh man. I'm so sorry. Are you alright?
Pam: Oh, yeah. I'm more than alright. There's just nothing to celebrate.
Jim: Are you kidding? We're in Philly. We're having dinner together. And this is just consolation champagne. It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis. Here.
Pam: [laughs] You're very quick on your feet. I remember you. Funny.
Jim: Alright. So, tell me all about it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: Ok. Well, gosh. Thank you for your help today. Your perspective was very useful. Thank you.
Angela: It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. [They shake hands. Then kiss] Dwight, Dwight.
Dwight: Right. Not outside. The horseflies. You know what? My farm is only a few acres East of here. Or, we could use the slaughterhouse.
Angela: No, Dwight. The Senator.
Dwight: Leave him. He probably won't even notice that you're gone. Be with me, Monkey.
Angela: I can't be your monkey, Dwight.
Dwight: I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. The eighty or ninety years that I have left in this life...I want to spend with you.
Angela: I made a vow. I gave my word.
Dwight: Stand by your man. It's what I would want if you were mine.
Angela: Good night, D.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: How are you doing? Is it really rough?
Pete: It is so unpleasant. You?
Andy: Hey, love turds. Conference room, now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Thank you all for coming in. Just wanted to check in. How is everyone's day?
Gabe: Honestly, it was a little weird.
Andy: Really? Hmm. That's interesting. Because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item?
Gabe: I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes. So it feels to me like we're still in a relationship-
Erin: Gabe!
Gabe: ...a lot of the time.
Andy: And Alice, uh, I understand you once dumped Pete, ouch.
Pete: Dude, it was an amicable break up Andy.
Alice: Ok, while we're rewriting history, you never had a drinking problem.
Pete: It was college. That is what you do.
Alice: Yeah you're also supposed to go to classes, so there's that.
Erin: Hey, Andy, is this at all work related?
Andy: We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you?
Gabe: [laughs] Oh no no no no no no. She wouldn't even let me say it. It was adorable. She would plug her ears and scream her heat out.
Erin: Gabe, can you stop talking? Cause every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican.
Gabe: I got a tattoo for you.
Erin: I didn't ask you to get that Nike Swoosh. Nobody did! You did that for you!
Gabe: Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing.
Alice: So you're dating a secretary now? Moving up in the world, Pete.
Pete: She's nice to me.
Alice: How's that P.E. degree coming? That's what he wanted to be. His dream in college was to be a gym teacher.
Erin: Well, guess what? He could still be a gym teacher. In fact, we could all still be gym teachers, so, let's-
Gabe: I technically cannot. I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle.
Pete: Oh my god.
Gabe: What kind of music are you into, Peter?
Pete: Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe.
Gabe: Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan?
Pete: No!
Gabe: Erin, are you even hearing this?
Erin: He didn't even say that.
Alice: He is not a very sophisticated man, I mean he can't even use chopsticks, so. Do I need to say anything else?
Gabe: Erin, I've been to Japan. I know how to use chopsticks so well. Come back. One night.
Erin: Gabe, I don't-
Gabe: Give me one night with you...
Erin: What is that supposed to mean?
Gabe: I have shaved everything...
Erin: I don't want you to shave everything.
Alice: I wasted two years of my life on you, you realize that right?!
Pete: I just want to be real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man. [Erin and Gabe argue in background]
Gabe: I am as smooth as a porpoise. {Erin argues]
Pete: Why don't you say in the beginning: "This isn't really going that well"
Gabe: Shove his sashimi!
Erin: What do you-!
Alice: Because I had to wait- [all argue]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Alright, yes. That is a legitimate question. Does making Erin and Pete feel bad make me feel better? [Erin & Gabe and Alice & Pete argue in background] Yeah. Yeah, it does.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: So, imagine like the real estate version of Michael Scott and that was this guy. He did half the interview as Ace Ventura.
Jim: Tell me about the cologne. How much?
Pam: Oh, uh, entire bottle. At least.
Jim: You're definitely hoarding this by the way.
Pam: Guess what poster he had on his wall?
Jim: Austin Powers.
Pam: MmMm.
Jim: Ferris Bueller.
Pam: MmMm. You're getting colder.
Jim: Not Night at the Roxbury.
Pam: [laughs] No. The Odd Life of Timothy Green.
Jim: I'm sorry, how did you think I was expected to guess that?
Pam: I don't know, but it's interesting right?
Jim: It's fascinating.
Pam: He said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it. It's like right next to his desk. He must look at it twenty times a day.
Jim: That's amazing. Well, listen. You can't win 'em all, right?
Pam: Mmhm.
Jim: So, next interview has to be better.
Pam: I don't know.
Jim: What do you mean? Of course it will. You're amazing.
Pam: I know. It's just even if it was, a great boss and a great job, I just, I don't know, I don't know if I want, um, I don't know if I want this.
Jim: [long pause] Huh. This is a little out of left field.
Pam: Is it? I just, I liked our life in Scranton.
Jim: And I have started a business in Philadelphia. [Pam shrugs]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Oscar's Computer: My grandfather know. Mah Jong will be here to stay. Hobbies of the East continues in a moment.
Oscar: You could all be doing this, just saying.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Oscar: I watch way too many ads online and I don't do enough situps. So I bought these. Now, every time an ad pops up online, I get 30 seconds of ab blasting. I call it Ads for Abs. Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Stanley: Why can't you just do regular sit-ups?
Oscar: I'll tell you why. Because...the floor...is...disgusting. Yeah, my trainer said everybody fails working out, that's how you win. Alright [tries to pull himself up] Ok. Kevin? A little help buddy?
Kevin: Oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now?
Oscar: Can someone please help me?
Phyllis: Ow, these teas are hot, can someone help me please? [Erin moves Oscar out of the way for Phyllis]
Oscar: Just- People! I'm not going anywhere. Soon, my core will get strong again and when that happens I'll be able to- Head rush! Ah! Can someone please help me? [Kevin shuts door] I- Hey! I'm not going anywhere! I'll be right here! Oh that's not good. [Oscars computer reads: Coming this May: The Office: An American Workplace. Ten years in the making, a look at the lives and loves of an average American small business office.] Hey guys! I've got twenty bucks for anyone who will help me. Kevin, would you like a pizza? | Plan: A: Pam interviews; Q: What does Pam do in order to get a job in Philadelphia? A: Bob Odenkirk; Q: Who is Pam's potential manager? A: Michael Scott; Q: Who was Pam's former boss? A: Angela; Q: Who does Dwight hire to help him give his Aunt Shirley a bath? A: his elderly Aunt Shirley; Q: Who does Dwight want to give a bath to? A: Mary Gillis; Q: Who plays Dwight's Aunt Shirley? A: Andy; Q: Who tries to make Pete and Erin uncomfortable? Summary: Pam interviews for a job in Philadelphia, but her potential manager ( Bob Odenkirk ) reminds her of her former boss, Michael Scott . Dwight acquires the help of Angela in order to give his elderly Aunt Shirley (Mary Gillis) a bath. Meanwhile, Andy attempts to make Pete and Erin feel uncomfortable. |
ACT ONE
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier, dressed in black tie, answers the door to Niles, dressed similarly in his tuxedo.
Frasier: Evening, Niles.
Niles: Frasier. Everybody ready?
Frasier: Just about.
Niles: Ooh! New cufflinks, those are very smart.
Frasier: Oh yeah, you've seen these before, haven't you? I always wear them with the tux.
Niles: Of course you do. Well still, nothing catches the eye like a sharp pair of cufflinks.
Niles rubs the back of head, letting his golden cuff links flash in the light.
Frasier: And those are very nice too.
Niles: [acting] Oh, these...
Frasier: Gold?
Niles: Yes, well I knew you'd be wearing silver. I didn't want us to look alike, you know.
Then Roz, dressed in a black evening gown, arrives with Alice.
Roz: Hello.
Frasier: Hi, Roz. Come on in.
Roz: Sorry I'm late.
Frasier: That's all right.
Daphne speaks up from the laptop she's busy on.
Daphne: Hey, Roz.
Roz: Daphne, thank you so much for watching Alice. She's way overdue for her nap. Maybe I can get her to sleep.
Frasier: Oh, great. Well, set her down in my room. You know, we don't want to be late for that silent auction.
Roz: You know, I can't believe you've donated another "Day Behind the Scenes of the Frasier Crane Show" this year.
Frasier: Well, why not, Roz? It's for a good cause. The Kelly Ann Grunther foundation does excellent work.
Roz: Well, you weren't trapped in my booth with that mouth breather for three hours last year.
Frasier: Well, he wasn't that bad. Some kind of engineer, wasn't he?
Roz: Well, he wasn't a dental hygienist, that's for sure.
As Frasier and Roz go to the room, Martin enters in his tux and crosses to Daphne.
Martin: Daphne, can you help me with these cuff links?
Daphne: Oh, all right.
Niles: [looks at her screen as Daphne goes to help Martin] What is this, Daphne?
Daphne: I'm chatting on-line with Donny. [the computer beeps] Oh, what's he saying?
Niles: Er, [reads] "I can't wait to come home and see my wittle Engwish cwumpet."
Daphne: I don't want him to think I've abandoned him. Would you mind taking over? [Niles looks aghast but does it anyway] Tell him I miss him too.
Niles: All right. [he types]
Daphne: I'm counting the days until he comes home and there's no-one I love more than my fuzzy wuzzy...
Niles "accidentally" presses a button causing it to shutdown.
Computer: Good-bye.
Niles: I'm sorry, I seem to have lost him.
Daphne: Maybe I can get him back. [goes to computer]
Frasier and Roz enter.
Frasier: Well, there we are. Alice is all squared away, she went right to sleep. Shall we? [they cross to the door]
Daphne: Have a good time. Don't spend too much.
Martin: Oh, don't worry about that. I've got a whole system worked out where I can get everything I want for the minimum bid.
Frasier: Dad, it's hardly in spirit with the evening. We're raising money for the Kelly Ann Grunther fund.
Martin: Oh, baloney. You just want to go there so you can hob-nob with all your snooty friends.
Frasier: Oh, that is not true.
Martin: Oh, yeah? Well, then answer me one question: just who is Kelly Ann Grunther?
Frasier: Kelly Ann Grunther... is... the person responsible for the Kelly Ann Grunther foundation.
Martin: Well, what does that mean?
Frasier: Well, I guess she's just a very wealthy person that put up a lot of money, right?
Roz: I thought she had some kind of disease?
Niles: I always thought she was a scientist doing research.
Martin: So, in other words, it could have been called... [looks at Eddie] the Eddie Eddie-mund Foundation, so long as there was fancy food on silver platters.
The four leave the apartment.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - The Silent Auction. Lots are laid out around the room. Frasier and Niles are looking at one table.
Frasier: Have you seen anything exciting to bid on?
Niles: Well, no. It's mostly the same items as last year. [reads one] A day of beauty with internationally-known stylist Raphael.
Frasier: Yes, I see Missy Cromwell put down for that.
Niles: Well, can you blame her? Her last day of beauty was during the Johnson administration. [they laugh]
Frasier: [looks] You know, this is rather interesting. The Laureate Luncheon; break bread with three Nobel Prize winners. Drs. Alan Zafrin, Jane Randall and Terrance Quinn.
Niles: Oh my, it's an opportunity to meet with three of the greatest thinkers of our time. I'm amazed they even got them all in the same room together. You know Zafrin's a legendary recluse.
Frasier: Yes, well he'll be at "Fiddlesticks" tomorrow at noon. [Niles signs his name] Good luck to you, Niles. You know, they say Quinn is quite witty. In nuclear physics circles he is referred to as "the half life of the party."
Meanwhile, Martin is eyeing another lot - a barbecue. A woman is hanging around there.
Martin: What do we have at this table? Ooh, the Windsor-monic 2000. Yeah... oh, isn't this the one they had to recall because the propane tanks kept on exploding?
Woman: They did?
Martin: Yeah, I sure feel sorry for this guy... [reads the bid list] Martin Crane. Better give himself an apron that says "Kiss the Chef Goodbye".
Meanwhile, a woman, Jody, is hanging around Roz's lot - "The Day Behind the Scenes of the Dr. Fraiser Crane Show."
Jody: Are you bidding on this one too?
Roz: No, no, I'm Roz Doyle, Frasier Crane's producer. If you win this, you'll be spending the afternoon with me.
Jody: [signs it] Well, I hope I do. I'm a big fan of the show.
Roz: Oh.
Then Noel appears.
Noel: Hello, there.
Roz: Hi, Noel. What are you doing here?
Noel: I came to bid on my favorite auction item. I should warn you that Lady Luck is on my side tonight. The last guy who rented this tux left a perfectly good comb in the pocket. [points to signing board] May I?
Roz: [hides pen] Well, there's no pen. I'm sorry, Noel.
Noel: No problem-o. I wear one around my neck.
Noel, takes a pen from around his neck and signs the paper. Meanwhile, at the lot for the genius luncheon:
Niles: Oh, damn.
Frasier: What is it?
Niles: It looks like I have some competition for this luncheon. An Alastair Mobery doubled my bid to five hundred dollars. I've heard that name before...
Frasier: Yes, it sounds familiar to me too. Wait a minute, isn't he that young, ruthless software tycoon?
Niles: Great!
Frasier: Well, it's no use competing with those deep pockets. But, you know, Niles, this vase here deserves a second look.
Niles: Wait a minute. Mobery, wasn't that the nom de plume you used in prep school for your society column?
Frasier: What a remarkable coincidence.
Niles: Oh, bah! You are secretly trying to outbid me.
Frasier: Oh, all right. I thought if you were bidding against a stranger you'd only go so high. But if you knew it was me, then your childish competitiveness would kick in.
Niles: That is nonsense. Give me the pen.
Frasier: [Frasier doesn't] No, I'm saving you from yourself.
Niles: Give me that. Frasier, in the name of Kelly Ann Grunther and everything she stands for...
Frasier: She can't stand!
Niles: How do you know?
Frasier: [lowers voice] I asked.
Meanwhile, Roz has caused the woman to bid again.
Jody: I can't believe I'm bidding this much.
Roz: Don't worry, we're gonna have so much fun.
Noel: It'll be so great being in that booth together, Roz. No need to get me extra headphones. I'll just share yours! [signs again]
Roz looks horrified as the auctioneer speaks.
Auctioneer: We are coming up on the final minute of tonight's auction. No bid will be accepted after the whistle blows.
Meanwhile, Roz has gone to the other side of the room to get Jody to bid again.
Roz: Listen, Jody, can I talk to you?
Jody: I'd love to bid more but I'm really at my limit.
Roz drags Jody to her lot, passing Niles and Frasier squabbling over the pen on their way.
Roz: I really want you to win this. I think we hit it off.
Jody: Oh, you too, huh? I thought I sensed a little spark between us... [gazes into Roz's eyes with passion] Roz.
Roz: A spark?
Jody: Maybe after the show we could get a drink or have some dinner?
Roz: Ah...
Roz turns her head to Noel who is combing his hair with the second-hand comb. Roz knows what she must do.
Roz: [to Jody] You like Italian? Meanwhile, Niles has finally grabbed the pen from his brother.
Niles: I think it's time to separate the men from the boys. You will never top this bid! [signs again]
Frasier: You're right, Niles. I won't top it. I will DOUBLE it!
[signs again]
Niles: Then I'd like to see the look on your face when I double YOUR bid! [signs again]
Frasier: What? [looks] You didn't double it, you just added fifty dollars to it!
Before he can sign again, the auctioneer blows his whistle.
Martin: [raising the barbecue bid list] YES! The auctioneer reads the bid lists as they are brought to him.
Niles: [triumphant] The geniuses are mine!
Auctioneer: Well, there certainly was some spirited bidding over this luncheon, wasn't there! My goodness, four thousand, fifty dollars!
Niles: [realizing] What have I done?!
Frasier: You have let your competitiveness get the better of you, and it serves you right!
Auctioneer: Due to the overwhelming interest in this luncheon, I propose adding another place at the table. That is, if we can convince our runner-up, Dr. Frasier Crane, to match his brother's generous bid.
Everyone starts applauding, including a suddenly smug Niles, leaving Frasier no choice.
Auctioneer: What do you say, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: [breaking up] Well, all right!
As everyone applauds more, Frasier turns to Niles.
Frasier: [whispering] Dear God! We've just spent eight thousand dollars for a lunch!
Niles: Frasier, just try to remember it's for a very worthy cause.
Auctioneer: Thanks to the Drs. Crane, there will be a lot fewer homeless cats on the streets of Seattle next year!
Everyone applauds them as they try to bring themselves together.
[SCENE_BREAK]
NILES AND FRASIER DISCOVER
WHOSE IS BIGGER
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. That evening, Daphne is sat on Martin's chair as the three Cranes enter. She stands to greet them.
Martin: Hey, Daph.
Daphne: Hey. Have a good time at the auction?
Martin: Oh yeah, I got a great new barbecue: the Windsor-monic 2000. I wonder if they name it that because that's the one the Royal family uses.
Daphne: Oh, I'm sure it is. That's actually the new postage stamp in
England: Her Majesty with a pair of barbecue tongs and a sauce brush!
Martin exits to his room.
Frasier: Yes, well at least dad didn't have to go into debt for his purchase.
Daphne: Oh yes, Roz told me about your lunch with the geniuses.
Frasier: What, Roz beat us back here?
Daphne: Yes, she was trying to ditch Noel. Apparently he's not allowed onto the highway with his moped.
Daphne exits to her room.
Niles: Frasier, do you ever wonder why we do all this competition. Where did it even start?
Frasier: That's a good question, Niles. [pours brandies] Think back. What was the first thing you can remember us competing over?
Niles: It'd have to be Mom. We were always jockeying for her time and attention.
Frasier: Well, it was a lot more difficult for me, actually - you being her favorite.
Niles: What? You were her favorite.
Frasier: Oh, don't be ridiculous, Niles. She adored you. Don't you remember the time you lost your tricycle? She actually took mine away from me and gave it to you.
Niles: That was for your own good. No eight year old should be riding a tricycle.
Frasier: I had a chronic ear infection that affected my balance.
Niles: Mom worshiped the ground you walked on. Remember when we brought those bowls home from pottery class? She used yours for the cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving and mine as a dog's dish!
Frasier: Well, what did you expect her to do? You painted a little dog right on it.
Niles: That was a turkey!
Frasier: Well, isn't this ironic? Both of us thinks the other one is the favorite when in fact neither of us was.
Niles: So all our competition was pointless. Oh, I wish we'd talked about this years ago.
Frasier: Oh Lord, yes. The angst we could have spared ourselves. Do you remember those IQ tests that we took?
Niles: I was sick waiting for the results.
Frasier: Which we never found out, of course. Mom refused to tell us anything except that we were two points apart.
Niles: I knew you had the higher score.
Frasier: I was convinced you did.
Niles: Well, mom was certainly right not to tell us.
Frasier: Yes, she certainly was. She knew back then that we were both too childish and competitive to handle it.
The brothers stare into their brandies. An idea is obviously forming.
Frasier: You know what would be a sign of real growth, Niles?
Niles: To find out those scores right now.
Frasier: Exactly. I mean, how often in life can you afford an opportunity to discover really how much you've evolved?
Niles: Exactly.
Niles calls Martin who has just entered.
Niles: Dad, do you know what our IQs are?
Martin: [sitting down] No, but I got a pretty good idea at that auction tonight!
Frasier: No, Dad. The IQ tests we did when we were children. Would you have saved those?
Martin: Oh sure, your mother and I saved all that stuff; report cards, finger paintings, poems. It's in an old Ballantines box in the closet.
Frasier: Oh Dad, why don't you just admit it? You're more of a sentimentalist then you let on.
Martin: Yes, I guess I am. That's the first case of beer your mother and I ever bought together.
Niles and Frasier exit to Martin's room as Daphne enters.
Daphne: I still can't get over how much they've spent at that auction.
Martin: Oh, they've always tried to one-up each other.
Daphne: I suppose all brothers are like that. Mine certainly were. Everything was a contest!
Daphne enters the kitchen and prepares a sandwich as she speaks.
Daphne: Who could the run the fastest, jump the highest. They even had this strange one where they'd take little brother Michael, put him in a potato sack and see who could roll him the farthest over the frozen lake out back. They loved that game! Until that year the spring thaw set in early and poor Michael went right through the ice. Ooh, they caught hell for that one, they did. Caught it worse a week later when Michael's toe finally fell off. Michael cried and cried until they told him to put it under his pillow for the toe fairy! And then when he got five quid for it, why it was all they could do to stop him from sawing off the rest of them! [laughs]
Martin: [on edge, shouts] What's keeping you guys with that box?!
Niles and Frasier run in with the box as Daphne enters the room with her snack.
Frasier: Here it is, dad. Gosh, this is a virtual treasure trove of memorabilia.
Niles: [opens it up:] Choir ribbon... Most Improved Badminton... Tap Dance certificate.
Martin: I remember going through that box with your mother. She always knew just what to say to cheer me up. "So what if the trophy says baking instead of baseball, Marty? Catchers' mitts or oven mitts, they're our little champions."
Niles: Oh wait, these are report cards. This might be something. [opens an envelope] Well here they are. Congratulations, Frasier - 129.
Martin: Is that good?
Niles: Good? It's practically genius. Bravo, Frasier.
Frasier: That's enough, Niles. Now where are you? Higher or lower?
Niles: I haven't seen mine yet. I am... [reads it] higher.
Frasier: Well, congratulations. I doff my hat to you, Mr. 131.
Niles: Higher!
Frasier: What do you mean, higher? Mom told us we were two points apart.
Niles: Well, apparently Mom was being tactful.
Frasier: How tactful?
Niles: Well...
Frasier: Gimme that!
Frasier takes the IQ test and reads it.
Frasier: 156. My God, that's...
Niles: Twenty-seven points.
Frasier: Yes, I know.
[N.B. In I.Q. tests, scores of 140 or more are considered "genius."]
Martin: I never should have told you guys about the box.
Frasier: No, no, Dad. I'm fine about this. The entire point of this exercise was to prove that Niles and I have moved beyond our competitiveness. And we have. I'm very proud of my kid brother.
Niles: Thank you. And I am proud of how mature you are being about all this. In fact, if it were a test for maturity I think your score would be much...
Frasier: That's enough, Niles. You know, I suggest we go ahead and call it a night, Niles. We want to be nice and refreshed for our meeting with the three geniuses tomorrow. Oops, or in my case - the four geniuses.
Niles: Oh, now you. [they all laugh] Good night, Dad. Well, I'll meet you at the restaurant.
Frasier: [yawns] Good night, Niles.
Niles: Okay.
Frasier: Sleep tight.
Frasier lets Niles out and shuts the door.
Frasier: Daphne! Is that university library open all night?
Daphne: I think so, why do you ask?
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake. Do you think I'm going to let my little brother humiliate me tomorrow?
Martin: What are you talking about?
Frasier: Dad, he is smarter than I am. Niles will be sitting there rambling on to the geniuses about the cosmos, black holes, matter, antimatter, and I won't matter at all. [enters to the kitchen] I'm going to have to make myself a nice thermos full of coffee and get down to that library. [starts with coffee pot]
Martin: Oh Frasier, what do you think you're gonna learn in one night?
Frasier: Just enough to ask some informed questions, Dad. I may not have a 156 IQ, but I'm a quick study. Daphne, is there something wrong with this coffee pot?
Daphne: You have to plug it in!
Frasier: Well there, you won't have to tell me that again!
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Scene One - Fiddlesticks Restaurant Niles is sat at the table as Frasier enters and sits with him.
Frasier: Hello, Niles.
Niles: Frasier. Sleep well last night?
Frasier: Oh yes, like a baby!
Niles: Like a baby with library privileges. I know what you did.
Frasier: How?
Niles: The way you rushed me out of there last night, I sensed something was up. So I waited in my car and sure enough, ten minutes later you tore out of the garage.
Frasier: Niles, I'm so sorry. It's just that...
Niles: No, no, no, I don't want to hear any more of your facile excuses.
Niles sneezes explosively.
Frasier: Good Lord, gesundheit!
Niles: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I think your competitiveness has sunk to a new low. I'm ashamed of you.
Frasier: I'm terribly sorry. It's just that I'm so insecure about even coming to this luncheon at all.
Niles then scratches his ear, resembling a dog when they scratch themselves with their hind legs.
Frasier: You just scratched your ear. [realizes] You were at the library too!
Niles: I was most certainly was not.
Frasier: The only thing that makes you sneeze and scratch your ear is your parchment mite allergy. So, that was you sneezing from behind the stacks all night.
Niles: [sneezes] I had to go. I knew you'd be racing through those scientific journals faster than a proton in a particle accelerator.
Frasier: Oh, stop showing off. [Niles sneezes] You know, speaking of accelerating particles, why don't you do something about that sneezing?
Niles: [gets some pills from his pocket] Well, I took some of these before, but they're obviously not as strong as I thought they were. I'm going to take a couple more.
Niles takes the tablets. He then sneezes and they come back out of his mouth again. He takes them again, successfully.
Frasier: Niles, why don't you just go home and go to bed?
Niles: [slurred] Well, that is exactly what you'd like for me to be happening.
Frasier: What did you just say?
Niles: Well, if you didn't repeat it the first time, I'm not gonna listen to it.
Frasier: That medication is affecting your speech, you've just taken a second dose of it. For God's sake, you're going to make a fool out of yourself.
Niles: Well, you should talk! Look at your shaky hands and your twitching eyes. You were up all night drinking coffee all night last night, weren't you?
Frasier: I am not twitching, you will not psych me into twitching!
[twitches uncontrollably]
Waiter: Gentlemen, may I offer you... [to Frasier] Sir, is your eye bothering you?
Frasier: No, it's fine!
Waiter: Can I get you something to drink?
Frasier: Yes, some coffee. Decaf!
Niles: [scratching his ear] I'd like a cup of... tea, sounds nice.
The waiter looks at him and exits.
Frasier: Niles, you know what, you should leave. You're embarrassing yourself, for God's sakes
Niles: I'm never leaving while you're still not leaving. You know you had the good bed.
Frasier: Well, now you're just hallucinating.
Niles: When we moved to Wallace Lane and we shared a room and you got to pick where you would be to having your... sleeping.
[puts his left elbow in the butter]
Frasier: Niles, the beds were identical. Oh, why am I even bothering, explaining this to a man who has his elbow in the butter!
Niles: [shows Frasier his other, right, elbow] Well, who's [slurred] hallucinationing now?
Frasier: Niles, have you taken these pills before?
Niles: No, but they've fixed my nose. [scratches his ear] I just wish they wouldn't make me so hyper.
Niles passes out and collapses onto the table, knocking a glass of water onto Frasier's lap.
Frasier: For God's sake, you've spilled water all over me, you jackass. Just give me another napkin.
Niles: Ooh, Napkin, hello, napkin!
Niles sings a little tune whilst holding the napkin above his head. Frasier takes it and hurriedly wipes himself and the tablecloth down. Niles is making baby noises.
Frasier: Niles, wake up, wake up!
Zafrin: Excuse me?
Frasier looks up. The three geniuses have entered.
Frasier: Oh, Dr. Zafrin. Goodness, this is quite an honour.
Frasier stands up to shake his hand. However, he has the tablecloth tucked into his shirt and as he stands pulls the whole tablecloth, cutlery, and dishes off the table, including Niles who falls in a heap on the floor.
Frasier: Allow me to introduce Dr. Niles Crane.
Niles sneezes, wipes his nose with his hand and then puts his hand out. The geniuses decide against it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is making hamburger patties in the kitchen with some ground beef as Niles enters, still tired.
Frasier: Oh, hello Niles, I'm surprised to see you up so soon. Are you all right?
Niles: I feel, uh, not bad. A little dry. When I blink it makes a scratching noise.
Frasier: Let me get you a little water, here.
Niles: Thank you. [gets some water] Well, how long did we last the lunch?
Frasier: Well, not too long. Nine thousand dollars doesn't buy the leisurely lunch it used to. [laughs]
Niles: Wait a minute, I thought it was eight thousand.
Frasier: No, no, you knocked over the aquarium on the way out. You know, whenever I feel envy about your IQ again, I'll just conjure up the image of you sprawled out on the bed of live koi - weeping and desperately trying to revive that little plastic diver.
Niles: Oh, dear.
Martin looks on through the hatch from upstage.
Martin: All right, Niles? Hurry up with those patties, I got five more pounds in the fridge.
Frasier: Right, Dad. [Martin goes back to the balcony] Dad's having his poker chums over to give him a hand with the barbecue. You can give me a hand here.
Niles: [starts making patties] When's it going to end, Frasier - all this obsessive competitiveness?
Frasier: Probably never, Niles. Whether it started with seeking Mom's approval or some other insecurity, we're locked in a pattern now that we'll probably never get out of.
Niles: That sounds bleak.
Frasier: No, no, not necessarily. There have been some benefits to it. I probably wouldn't have done so well at school if it hadn't had been for my fear that I'd be bested by my brainy little brother.
Niles: Well, I was certainly spurred on by your success as well. Why else would I have joined the chess club and the drama club and the key club? And what other possible reason would there be for spending an entire summer training a seeing-eye dog? Aside from helping the blind.
Frasier: You know what, I might not have pushed myself on to Harvard and Oxford.
Niles: Well, I might not have been led to psychiatry, which has been the saving grace of my life.
Frasier: You see, Niles, frankly we both have a lot to thank each other for. We've come a long way from those two little boys just starving for a parent's approval.
Martin enters.
Martin: How are they coming?
Frasier: Oh, just great, Dad. We're going as fast as we can. Here you are. [gives him the first batch]
Martin: Nice job on those patties.
Frasier: Thank you.
Niles: You really think so?
Martin: Yeah, not too thick, not too thin, tight enough to hold their shape. Perfect!
Frasier: Thank you, Dad.
Niles: Just wait until you see the next batch.
Frasier: Yeah!
Martin exits as they get another lot of ground beef from the fridge.
Niles: I'm surprised you let him keep that out there.
Frasier: Oh well, it's a bit of an eyesore, and frankly kind of a fire hazard. But what the hell? It makes him happy.
Niles: You lodged an anonymous complaint with the building, didn't you?
Frasier: It'll be gone by Thursday.
They carry on making patties.
END OF ACT TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
Martin is barbecuing on the balcony and talking cheerfully to someone off screen. In a moment we see that his companion is Queen Elizabeth in full coronation regalia, who smiles raffishly and throws an empty Ballantine can off the balcony. Martin chuckles and hands her a fresh beer, which she downs with gusto.
Daphne wakes up on the couch and checks the balcony, but there is no sign of Martin or Her Majesty. She shakes her head and resumes dusting as we fade out. Guest Appearances Guest Starring PATRICK KERR as Noel CAROLEE CARMELLO as Jody DAVID AARON BAKER as Waiter HOWARD SHANGRAW as Auctioneer PHYLLIS KATZ as Woman at auction JOSEPH LINDGREN as Dr. Zafrin Synopsis {kathy churay}
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE -- Frasier's Apartment
Niles arrives at Frasier's apartment dressed in black tie, as is Frasier. Roz follows close behind dressed in an evening gown and carrying Alice, whom Daphne has agreed to babysit for the evening. Daphne is seated at the dining room table working at a laptop computer.
Roz is unhappy that Frasier has once again donated a "day behind the scenes at the Frasier Crane show" to the silent auction at the benefit they are all attending that evening, for the Kelly Ann Grunther Foundation. Roz complains that last year she was trapped in her booth for hours with a victim of bad dental hygiene, and she doesn't want it to happen again this year.
Martin emerges from his room in his tux and asks for Daphne's help with his cufflinks. As she leaves the dining table Niles goes over to the computer and asks what Daphne is doing. Daphne reveals she is chatting on-line with Donny. Just then the computer chimes and Daphne asks Niles to read her what Donny has written. Apparently Donny is on a trip and is missing his "wittle Engwish cwumpet." Daphne asks Niles to take over typing while she helps Martin, and begins dictating a treacly message about how she much loves Donny. Niles types for a moment but when her dictation gets too gooey, surreptitiously hits a button. "Goodbye!" chirps the computer, and the connection is lost.
Meanwhile Frasier and Roz return from putting Alice to bed. As they don their coats Martin brags of having worked out a system to get anything he wants at the silent auction with only the minimum bid. Frasier tells him that trying to save money is hardly in the spirit of the charity auction, and Martin challenges him to tell who Kelly Ann Grunther is. Frasier tries to cover, but really he has no idea, nor do Niles and Roz.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCENE TWO - The Benefit
Frasier and Niles are checking out the auction offerings and notice that one item being auctioned off is a luncheon with three Nobel laureates. Both are intrigued, and Niles writes his bid on the pad in front of the luncheon notice.
Martin is standing guard over his auction choice, a handsome gas barbecue grill being eyed by an elegantly dressed woman. He implements his auction strategy by speculating loudly on whether this grill isn't the one that had been recalled because of an exploding propane tank. The woman hurries off and Martin is smugly satisfied with his maneuver.
Roz is talking with another woman who is interested in the behind-the-scenes day at the Frasier Crane Show, telling her that if she wins she will get to spend the afternoon with Roz. As the woman makes her bid and moves away, Roz's admirer Noel Shemsky appears in a tux, eager to bid for an afternoon with Roz. Roz tries to discourage him from writing his bid by hiding the pen, but alas, Noel wears one around his neck and happily writes down his bid.
Meanwhile Niles and Frasier are once again scoping out the bids on the laureate luncheon. Niles is discouraged to learn that his bid has been doubled by another guest, but quickly recognizes the name as one Frasier had used as a pen name in writing for his prep school newspaper. Frasier protests that he had merely wanted to protect Niles from starting a bidding war prompted by sibling rivalry. Niles isn't impressed.
Roz is encouraging her first bidder to top Noel's effort. She does so, exclaiming that she can't believe she has bid so much. Roz tells her what a wonderful time they're going to have as Noel sneaks over and tops the woman's bid once again. the timekeeper calls the five minute warning and Roz is desperate not to sit with Noel for an afternoon, so she pursues the woman and begs her to raise her bid. The woman does so, saying that she had thought she sensed "a spark" between her and Roz. She invites Roz to dinner after their afternoon at the station, and Roz weighs the sticky romantic situation against spending an afternoon with the love-struck Noel. It takes only a moment for Roz to decide. "Do you like Italian?" Roz asks bravely as the woman obligingly raises her bid.
Niles and Frasier are engaged in a poker-like duel of bid and counter-bid, until finally Niles tops Frasier's bid by $50 as the whistle blows to end the auction. The auctioneer jubilantly announces the winning for the Nobel laureate luncheon -- $4,050 bid by Niles Crane. Niles is aghast at the money he has spent. The crowd applauds and the auctioneer is so impressed that he proposes an exception to the usual rule, allowing an additional place setting at the luncheon for Frasier if he will match his brother's bid. Embarrassed into it, Frasier reluctantly agrees, muttering to Niles that at least the money goes to charity. Martin shakes his head as the auctioneer proclaims that thanks to the brothers Crane, there will be a lot fewer homeless cats on the streets of Seattle for the coming year.
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT TWO
Frasier and Niles Discover Whose Is Bigger SCENE ONE - Frasier's Apartment
The Crane men arrive home after the auction as Daphne inquires how it went. Martin crows over acquiring the new grill, the "Windsor-monic 2000" and wonders aloud whether that's the one the British royal family uses. Daphne observes sourly that that was surely the inspiration for the newest English postage stamp -- QEII with barbecue tongs and a sauce brush. As she heads toward her room she remarks that Roz has already been to the apartment to collect Alice, taking the highway to avoid Noel on his Moped.
As the brothers sit down for a post-auction brandy Niles begins to speculate about the origins of the sibling rivalry that led him and Frasier to spend so much money that evening. Frasier replies that it must have begun with competition for their mother's attention, and each of them recounts examples of why Mom loved the other brother best. At last they conclude that neither one of them had been the favorite, and their whole lifelong history of competition has been pointless.
Frasier reminds Niles about the IQ tests they had taken as children. Their mother had refused to tell them anything except that they were only two points apart. Niles confesses that he thought Frasier's score was higher, and Frasier agrees he thought the same about Niles. But they keep picking at the issue, and eventually rationalize that it would be a real sign of growth on their parts to find out the IQ scores now and avoid getting into a rivalry over them.
At this point Martin returns to the living room in more comfortable clothes and the brothers inquire about the IQ scores. Martin doesn't remember them, but tells them he keeps an old Ballantyne case up in his closet with all the boys' childhood mementos. They rush off to retrieve the box as Daphne returns, marveling at how much money the brothers spent at the auction. Martin tells her they were always competitive. This prompts Daphne to launch into a rather gruesome story about her brothers' competitiveness that involved her brothers "bowling" the youngest brother Michael across a frozen lake in a burlap sack.
Niles and Frasier return with the Ballantyne box and have fun rummaging through the ribbons and certificates and art of their childhood until Niles finds the IQ scores. He congratulates Frasier on his near-genius score -- 129. Frasier congratulates him on his "two points higher" score of 131, but Niles can't repress a smug grin. Their mother's two-point fiction was a cover for Niles's much higher score of 156. Frasier tries hard to be pleased for Niles, and Niles compliments him on his maturity, but it's clear the fun has gone out of the evening and Frasier calls it a night. The moment Niles is out the door Frasier snaps at Daphne, "How late is that university library open?" He heads to the kitchen to fill a thermos with coffee to keep himself awake during the night as he studies for his upcoming lunch with "the four geniuses."
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCENE TWO - Fiddlesticks Restaurant - The Next Afternoon
Niles is already seated at the table as a bleary but prepared Frasier arrives. Niles quickly tells Frasier he knows his brother spent the night at the university library. Frasier counters with the observation that Niles is sneezing and scratching his ear, and the only possible cause is that Niles's parchment mite allergy was aggravated by spending the night in the stacks at that very same library.
As Niles blusters about not letting his brother get the upper hand at the luncheon, he takes another dose of the same allergy pills he's already taken for the sneezing, and soon his speech begins to wander and he makes less and less sense. Frasier eye begins to twitch from the effects of all the caffeine he has consumed, and Niles leans nonchanalantly on the butter dish as he accuses his brother of hallucinations. Things deteriorate rapidly and Niles ends up with his head on the table as the Nobel laureates show up. Frasier has accidentally tucked the end of the tablecloth into his belt along with his napkin, and as he rises to greet the guests he pulls the entire tablecloth and his brother onto the floor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SCENE THREE - Frasier's Kitchen - Later That Afternoon
Frasier is making hamburger patties for Martin's barbecue grill as Niles wanders into the kitchen still dazed with sleep. Niles doesn't remember the end of the luncheon, and Frasier reminds him that Niles knocked over the restaurant's aquarium on the way out, causing an additional $1,000 worth of damage and humiliating himself as he attempted to revive the litlle plastic diver from the fish tank. Niles is depressed over the results of their rivalry until they begin to talk about all the good that's come from it -- their academic successes, their thriving careers, always spurred on by fear of being bested by the other brother. They are congratulating themselves on getting over the need for a parent's approval when Martin enters the kitchen looking for the hamburger patties. He remarks that the ones they've made are just perfect, and the two brothers glow at this evidence of their father's approval.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Martin is barbecuing on the balcony and talking cheerfully to someone offscreen. In a moment we see that his companion is Queen Elizabeth in full coronation regalia, who smiles raffishly and throws an empty Ballantine can off the balcony. Martin chuckles and hands her a fresh beer, which she downs with gusto.
Daphne wakes up on the couch and checks the balcony, but there is no sign of Martin or Her Majesty. She shakes her head and resumes dusting as we fade out. | Plan: A: Niles; Q: Who has the larger IQ? A: Frasier; Q: Who drinks a lot of coffee to stay awake? A: the Kelly Anne Grunther Foundation; Q: What charity did Niles, Frasier, Martin and Roz attend a silent auction for? A: the highest bid; Q: What did Niles have when the auction closed? A: second; Q: What seat at the luncheon is opened up for Frasier if he can match Niles' bid? A: The two brothers; Q: Who is aghast to realize that they have paid over $8,000 for a lunch? A: sherry; Q: What do Niles and Frasier drink to discuss their sibling rivalry? A: Frasier's apartment; Q: Where do Niles and Frasier discuss their sibling rivalry? A: IQ Tests; Q: What did Niles and Frasier take when they were younger? A: Their mother; Q: Who did not tell the brothers the results of their IQ tests? A: the answers; Q: What did their mother not tell them about their IQ tests? A: 2; Q: How many points apart were Niles and Frasier on their IQ tests? A: closure; Q: What does Martin want to bring to the brothers' rivalry? A: 129; Q: What is Frasier's IQ level? A: 156; Q: What is Niles' IQ level? A: their responses; Q: What is initially mature and non-competitive? A: their true feelings; Q: What cannot be concealed for long? A: The brothers; Q: Who attempts to outdo each other by studying all night in a university library? A: a great deal; Q: How much coffee does Frasier drink to stay awake? A: the luncheon table; Q: Where does Niles pass out? A: the Nobel Laureates; Q: Who walks into the room when Niles passes out? Summary: Niles, Frasier, Martin and Roz attend a silent auction for the Kelly Anne Grunther Foundation. Niles stumbles upon an auction for a luncheon with three Nobel Laureates , and soon finds himself bidding against Frasier. The two become determined to beat the other. When the auction closes, Niles has the highest bid, but a second seat at the table is opened up as long as Frasier can match him. The two brothers are aghast to realise that they have paid over $8,000 for a lunch. Later that night, over sherry in Frasier's apartment, Niles and Frasier ask themselves where their harsh sibling rivalry originated, and reminisce about how they once took IQ Tests while they were younger. Their mother never told them the answers; only that they were 2 points apart. In an effort to bring closure to their rivalry once and for all, Martin reluctantly agrees to show them the results, and it soon transpires that whilst Frasier has an IQ level of 129, Niles has the larger IQ: 156. At first, their responses are mature and non-competitive, but their true feelings cannot be concealed for long. The brothers attempt to outdo each other by studying all night in a university library. Frasier drinks a great deal of coffee to stay awake, and Niles takes some allergy medicine to deal with his dust mite and parchment allergy problem. The medicine makes him dopey, and he proceeds to pass out at the luncheon table, destroying everything, just as the Nobel Laureates walk into the room. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Did you put up our house as collateral for a goddamn horse!? It is a champion Arabian, Winona you've not listened to a damn thing I've said. After everything that has happened, everything Gary, after everything that has happened, You did that and didn't talk to me about it? You got some old ones back here don't get used anymore. I got to get to this, reception down here's for sh1t. Alright, I'll just yell if I need you. Alright. Everbody on the floor! Down, down, down! Get your ass away from that phone! Open your hand. I won't ask again. I'll just break your fingers. What's that? Serialnumbers from the bills they took out of the cashdrawer. Can you believe they make us scan every bill that goes into evidence? Fifteen years ago, the fed redesigned the hundred, made Franklin's portrait bigger. If your bill was in the cage 20 years, means it was printed before that. I went through every hundred in that bag, these are the only ones where the portrait is still small. So if the bill you took was in the bag, it has to be one of these. Thank you. Mmhmm. Winona? No!
Raylan: Hmm?
Winona: It's not here.
Raylan: What's not?
Winona: The $100 bill. It's not here.
Raylan: I didn't move anything.
Winona: No, it was never here.
Raylan: Those are the only $100s...
Winona: The one I had had a, um...A corner torn off. None of these have a corner torn off.
Raylan: Are you sure?
Winona: Yeah. I'm sure. I wish I wasn't. But I'm sure.
Raylan: You didn't say anything about a torn corner yesterday.
Winona: I know. It's 'cause I just thought of it just now, Raylan. I'm sorry. I did such a stupid thing.
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
Winona: What are you doing?
Raylan: I'm gonna find it.
Winona: Where could it be?
Raylan: I have no idea.
[ Sighs ]
Winona: I'm really sorry.
Raylan: I know that.
It's the only reason I'm not beating you over the head with a phonebook.
Winona: You angry? What do you think? I think you're gonna save me. Stay here, I'll call you. Turn around. Hands up.
Gary: That's a Montblanc. You can get it back when you go. We're good!
Wynn: Gary Hawkins.
Gary: Mr. Duffy.
Wynn: "Mr. Duffy"? So formal. All we been through, I thought we'd be on more familiar terms.
Gary: Well, I am glad you agreed to see me, given our...history.
Wynn: Our history, indeed. Thanks to you, I took a bullet, lost seven pints of blood and 18 inches of intestine. I had the surgeons keep it for me as a memento of that day, preserved in lucite. Would you like to see it?
Gary: Oh...Okay.
[ Chuckles nervously ]
Wynn: Gary, I don't have 18 inches of intestine preserved in lucite.
Gary: [ Chuckles ]
Wynn: What can I do for you, Gary?
You sounded borderline incoherent on the telephone. You wanted to talk to me about a racehorse?
Gary: Well [Clears throat] Mr. Duffy... Wynn.
Wynn: On second thought... Mr. Duffy's fine.
Gary: Well, sir, I find that I have come upon a, uh, very exciting investment opportunity.
[ Engine shuts off ]
[ Door opens ]
Boyd Crowder. Carol Johnson. Executive vice president of Black Pike Coal. Thank you so much for coming by. It is such a pleasure to meet you.
Boyd: Uh, likewise, ma'am. Carol. First off, I want to thank you for doing what you could to save our money, our mind, and, most of all, the lives of our miners. Black Pike understands that the most valuable commodity in all our mines is the miners. This company owes you a debt of gratitude. Which is why I was mortified when it was brought to my attention that you'd been mistakenly let go.
Boyd: Uh..."Mistakenly"? Boyd, I'm gonna cut to the chase. I'd very much like you to be a part of the Blake Pike security team.
Boyd: Uh, w-well, ma'am... Carol.
Boyd: Ms. Johnson, I-I mean no offense, and I would be thrilled to be hired back by your company. But if it's all the same, I'd just as soon have a job driving a truck. No offense taken, but it's not all the same. I want you to be part of this team.
Boyd: Well, again, ma'am, I-I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I'm not sure if you're familiar with, um... How should I put this? Uh, my background. Oh, Boyd, I know all about your background. In fact, it's what tells me you're exactly the man we need. Now, how about we get started today, right away? A little road trip. You have a suit of any sort?
Boyd: Uh, no, ma'am. That's all right. I think there's a Penney's on the way. Is there a Penney's on the way? Yeah. All right. Shall we? We're on a bit of a clock. Come on.
Rachel: You've been a bad boy.
Raylan: I get that a lot. You're gonna have to be more specific.
Rachel: Today is Wednesday.
Raylan: This is my fault?
Rachel: Today's your day to bring coffee.
Raylan: Oh, sh1t.
[ Sighs ]
Do I still need to...
Rachel: I'll get Tim to do it. He's on an errand anyway.
Raylan: Thank you.
Rachel: We're assisting the FBI. You all right?
Raylan: I slept through my alarm. That always throws me. How are we assisting the FBI?
Rachel: Preliminary paperwork and interviews from yesterday's bankrobberies and collecting evidence from County. Why us? Ask Art. You suck. Coffee?
Art: Yeah, it was your day.
Raylan: Oh, you heard about that?
Art: I hear everything.
Raylan: Since you got those little things in your ears.
Art: [ Chuckles ] You know what, Raylan? I plan on living a long time, and chief among my motivators, along with seeing my grandchildren grow up, will be watching you slide into decrepitude.
Raylan: Why are we assisting the FBI?
Art: The FBI's busy with Al-Qaeda in Kentucky now. They don't have much as time for drugs and thugs anymore.
Raylan: Not because you insisted on taking the lead in their case yesterday?
Art: Well, that, too.
Raylan: Hey, that old bank robber...
Art: Why does everything got to be about age with you?
Raylan: Did he say anything about them spending any of the money during the day?
Art: Why?
Raylan: Because last time I assisted the FBI on a bank robbery, I didn't provide a detailed trail of the money.
Art: Did they make fun of you? They hurt your feelings?
Raylan: Yeah, and I don't want that to happen again, so...Did you ask him?
Art: He said they didn't have time to spend it.
Raylan: Think he was telling the truth?
Art: Well, he's a bank robber, Raylan. Why would he lie to me?
Raylan: [ Chuckles ]
Art: Raylan, what's the matter?
Raylan: I could use some coffee. This is Deputy Givens, I'm working yesterday's bankrobbery. Did they recover any money from Carter Hayes? What denominations? No, no, don't send it, I-I'll pick it up shortly. Okay, I'll see you in a bit.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
Thank you, Steven. Watch closely, Boyd. Okay, you rolling? Good. Oh, geez. You hear that? Now, first, they blow the top off the mountain, and then they hop in their blasted bulldozers and push all the rocks that they don't want off the side, clogging our creeks and our streams.
[ Explosion ]
Ohh, that was a big one. See, they're not all smaller rocks. Sometimes they're great, big... Oh, Jesus God!
[ Breathes deeply ]
[ Chuckles softly ]
It's pretty crazy, right? It got 700,000 hits before they took it down.
Boyd: Um, but this is a federal case. Federal civil, on account of the interstate commerce clause or something. What do you think of the video? It's pretty incriminating, isn't it?
Boyd: Uh, well, t-this is outside of my area of expertise, but I would imagine your defense would include some sort of manipulation of computer imagery. No, no. They found the boulder and what was left of Kirby Peener under it. No disputing that. The trick is gonna be to get the judge to disallow his family's lawyers from showing this video to the jury. We're already getting death threats. The agitators are gonna go ape-shit if we get this exclusion.
Boyd: So is that why you want me here? The death threats? Among other things. You want to watch it again?
Boyd: No. No. No, thank you.
[ Key clicks ]
Raylan: Hey. Yeah?
Raylan: Is this where I pick up evidence?
Uh...
Raylan: Raylan Givens. I think we spoke earlier. We did?
Raylan: Yeah, evidence taken from Carter Hayes. I'm here to pick that up. Uh-huh. Yeah. Is this where I pick it up? Nice. I'm sorry. What?
Raylan: Evidence taken from Carter Hayes. I'm here to pick that up. Yeah.
Raylan: Great. But it's not here.
Raylan: I'm sorry? The Deputy came by maybe 10 minutes ago and picked it up. Who? Gutterson? Gutterson.
[ Door opens ]
Raylan: Is that the evidence from the jail?
Tim: It is.
Raylan: You want me to run it down to the vault?
Tim: I can do it.
Raylan: I don't mind.
I was going there anyway.
Tim: Coffee's on your desk.
[ Computer beeps ]
Oh, hold that, please! Can you hold that?
Raylan: Oh, sh1t. Sorry. Wrong button.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Elevator bell dings ]
Raylan: Hi.
Rachel: Where you going with that?
Raylan: Huh?
Oh, the, uh, vault.
Rachel: You scan the currency first?
Raylan: No.
Rachel: The FBI asked us to scan it and send digital copies to the secret service and the F.R.B.
Raylan: Oh, sh1t.
Rachel: You should get two alarms.
Raylan: Hmm?
Rachel: To make sure you wake up.
Raylan: Oh, right.
Rachel: You want me to do it?
Raylan: Oh, no. I'll do it. How else will I learn?
[ Elevator bell dings ]
Tim: Thought you had taken that down to the vault.
Raylan: Yeah, well, apparently they got to get scanned first.
Tim: Oh, I already did that.
Raylan: You did?
Tim: I scanned the bills, sent the files to the secret service and F.R.B. just as our dear friends at the Feeb requested.
Raylan: Why didn't you tell me that?
Tim: Well, I presumed you already knew.
Otherwise, why would you be taking it down to evidence?
Raylan: Well, I guess I'm gonna go get back on the elevator.
Tim: [ Sighs ]
Winona: You had it in your hand.
Raylan: I did. But I had to put it back.
Winona: Why?
Raylan: Because Tim already so when those guys come looking for it, it wouldn't match the one that he scanned.
Winona: Do you think they're gonna look at it?
Raylan: [ Sighs ] I don't know. It's a $100 bill that's part of a huge sum of money they haven't seen in 20 years. So, yeah, I do. I think they'll come and look at it.
Winona: [ Crying ]
Raylan: Hey. It's not that big a deal. No, it ain't. It's one bill.
Winona: [ Sniffles ]
Raylan: Maybe you'll get a fine. It's not like you're gonna do time for something like that.
Winona: No. [ Sniffles ]
Raylan: It's gonna be okay.
Winona: No, it's not gonna be okay.
[ Sighs ]
[ Zipper unzips ]
Raylan: You took all the money?
Winona: I don't know why.
I mean, I could say it was 'cause of Gary and all that bullshit... I was gonna use it to get clear of him, or that I was gonna use it for me and you. But, honestly, the thought that kept going through my head over and over was, "just take it and worry about why later." So, I go to take the money and put it in my purse. And then I realize my purse is too small. So, oh! Gym bag. So, I start stuffing it in my gym bag, and I drop the keys onto Weaver's desk, and I get in my car... On my way here, because I thought I would put it under the bed because I think this is a really safe place for it. So, I'm in the car, and I think, "hold on. What if it's counterfeit? What if that's why everybody's forgotten about it?" So, I think, "okay, I'm gonna take one bill to the bank, and they're gonna a let me know whether or not it's real." So, I'm in the bank, and I'm waiting in line. And the teller yells, "next!" And I'm all, "next for what?" And then I'm like... [ Snaps fingers ] "Oh, my God. What am I doing?" I go to the front door 'cause I'm gonna take this back and I'm gonna put it right where I found it and this is gonna be a really funny story that I tell you maybe someday. And the next thing I know is some guy's got a gun in my face and he's telling everybody, "get on the floor."
[ Sighs ]
Say something.
Raylan: Wow.
Winona: Say something else.
Raylan: Why didn't you tell me about this yesterday?
Winona: [ Sighs ] Because I didn't want... I didn't want you to think I was someone who was capable of doing something like this.
Raylan: Everyone's capable of doing something this, Winona. Now, I come across huge sums of money usually belonging to bad people. I think, "no one will miss it."
Winona: Did you ever take it?
Raylan: No.
Winona: I did. Oh, Jesus. What am I gonna do?
Raylan: Well, first thing we're gonna do is put it back in the vault and...
Winona: "We"? No, Raylan, I'm not gonna get you further involved in this. You wanna do this on your own? No. How you gonna get past security?
Winona: I'll... I'll just put it in with some court documents. It's gonna look like paper on the X-ray.
Raylan: That Flyrock case you're on, they've doubled security. They're hand-checking every bag.
Winona: sh1t.
[ Sighs ]
Raylan: We'll take it through the marshals' entrance.
Winona: They don't have cameras back there?
Raylan: They do.
Winona: So...lf this whole thing goes to hell, people are gonna know you're involved.
Raylan: That's right.
So, let's make sure that it don't go to hell. Hmm? [ Chanting ] Clean coal, dirty lie! Clean coal, dirty lie! Clean coal, dirty lie! Clean coal... bags, please, ma'am. Hold on. Put your arms out. Turn around.
Winona: Jimbo? Who's the new guy? Wolf. He was in the marshals in Louisville.
Winona: Oh. Company sent him in to help out.
Winona: Well, Mr. Wolf, if any of these badasses give you a hard time, just take away their bladder medication.
[ Chuckles ]
I used to like you. As long as they do what I say, we got no problem. Wolf still thinks the Western District's the place to be. Where's the derby held at? Is it in Lexington? No, that's right. It's in Louisville. Where's U.K.... Is that in Louisville? No, it's right here. You got color TV here yet in Lexington?
Winona: Oh, that's next on the list, right after indoor plumbing. Traveling light today, miss Hawkins.
Winona: What? Where's the other bag?
Winona: Oh, I left it here overnight. I could swear I saw you take it last n...
Winona: Well, don't swear an oath, 'cause I didn't. Good morning, Raylan. Winona. Oh, Ms Hawkins. Good morning Judge. Good blows dead donkey dick, look with all the crazies outside I need to get this ruling done by lunch, and I want to put the fear of God into council before I do, Let's go. Ok, I just need to put my bag in my office. No time. It'll only take one minute. What's so important in there you have to put it in your office right now? Gym clothes. I know fifty men in this building that'd pay good money to sniff your gym clothes. Well I will keep that in mind if I'm ever short on cash.
Judge Reardon: You can take it upstairs later. Let's go.
[ Elevator bell dings ]
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
Art: Well, there you are.
Raylan: Yes, here I am.
Art: Judge Reardon wants to see you in chambers.
Raylan: Wh... me? Why?
Art: I'll bet that comes up in conversation when you see him in chambers.
It's inflammatory and meaningless! It's the truth, captured on DVD. Illegally obtained! They thought they were on state land.
Judge Reardon: Quiet!
[ Papers thud ]
We didn't come here to debate the damn thing. I heard you both on this ad freaking nauseam. Just... we're here to lay out the ground rules of behavior in my courtroom. And I'm warning you... anyone, either side, gets out of line, I will clamp down on you like a bear trap on a chicken leg. Judge?
Judge Reardon: What? Well, look here who it is... Raylan Givens.
Raylan: Your honor?
Judge Reardon: Everybody, this is deputy U.S. marshal Raylan Givens... saved my sorry ass not so long ago from a man intent on killing me. These two are the counsel on the Flyrock case. I know you know this fine young lady. Deputy Givens and Ms. Hawkins here were married in a previous life. How'd you ever let her get away?
Raylan: We all make mistakes.
Judge Reardon: Yeah.
Raylan: You asked for me?
Judge Reardon: Oh, yeah. Um [Clears throat] Court-security honcho said his team checked my courtroom, but his team's a bunch of geezers.
Raylan: They're all retired marshals.
Judge Reardon: And they're all well past their sell-by date. I'd appreciate it if you'd give it a look-see. No. Now, tensions are running high here, deputy, and I want to know if I bring my gavel down I don't set off some kind of incendiary device, hurry us all along to our maker.
[ Chuckles ]
You do that for me?
Raylan: I'll do it right now.
Judge Reardon: I appreciate it. So... you tellin' me, that you found yourself someone better than that?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Raylan: Boyd?
Boyd: Hello, Raylan.
Raylan: What are you doing here? Oh, they were gonna put us on a bench out there in the hallway, but then the plaintiff's family's there, too. So everyone thought we'd be better off in here. I hope we're not in your way.
Boyd: Raylan, this is Ms. Carol Johnson. She works for Black Pike, the defendant in the federal civil case before the court this morning. Ms. Johnson, this is deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens. It's a pleasure.
Raylan: Likewise. Forgive me if I was rude. I've been asked to, um, make sure the courthouse is secure. So, again, Boyd, what are you doing here? Boyd is part of my security team.
Raylan: Security? I like the suit. You're aware that marshal service provides courthouse security in any federal case? I like having one of my own to watch my back.
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
Boyd: Raylan? Raylan. I would never presume to tell you how to do your job, and I understand that I am very new to this security game. However, I have spent a considerable amount of time hiding explosives. Now, if you would like, I'd be more than happy to walk around here with you, show you where I would hide mine in case there might be a place that you might miss.
Raylan: You have any explosives on you now?
Boyd: Do you want to pat me down?
Raylan: No, I'm sure you're fine. So, you two knew each other growing up?
Boyd: Until the age of 19, when Raylan went off to college and the Marshals, and I went off to Kuwait. And when did you guys meet up again? Wasn't it around the time that he shot you through the chest?
Boyd: Well, it was shortly before that. Um, Ms. Johnson has recently become acquainted with some of my past, Raylan. So, deputy, what do you think? Can I trust Boyd here to have my back?
Raylan: Well, I am an officer of the law, and I'm in a court of law, and while not sworn in, I do feel compelled to tell you the truth.
Boyd: Truth is the best policy.
Raylan: The truth is... I don't know if you can trust Boyd to have your back, but, while he has tried to kill me and I have shot him and imprisoned him and I wouldn't be surprised if our paths, again, cross in such a manner, he has had my back on two occasions. Once was the last day I was in the mine, and the other not so long ago. My, sounds like a love story. Be ready to go in 10. Judge.
Judge Reardon: Sweetheart, you're welcome to stay. Oh, thanks that's sweet Judge but I'd really rather get my bite now, and bring some clothes back to my office. Not afraid I'm gonna change in front of you are you? Well now that's the only reason I would stay. Charlie? Charlie? Deputy. Ms. Hawkins. We all clear? We are. Well you should let the Judge know, you know how he likes to be kept waiting Yes. Pleasure. So nice to have met you Deputy. Boyd, I do like the suit. What's goin' on? What are you doin'? Raylan! Be quiet. I'm sorry? Court room, good? Uh, crystal clear your honor. Thank you. Winona I need you inside I just got to get my bag back upstairs... You already had time to do that.
Winona: I got distracted.
Judge Reardon: Oh, I can see your tall drink of distraction right here. Jill, take miss Hawkins' bag, put it up in her office.
Winona: Oh, no. I got it.
Judge Reardon: Jill, take the bag. You're on the third floor?
Raylan: Uh, I'm actually going up there now. I can take it.
Rachel: Raylan, Art needs you.
Raylan: Just a few minutes.
Rachel: Now. Secret service is here. Secret service? Is the president coming?
Rachel: They also handle money. He said "now." Deputy, I don't mind bringing it up. I'll use the stairs. It'll be my exercise for today.
Judge Reardon: Come on, Winona.
Rachel: Raylan?
Raylan: Yeah. Secret service?
Rachel: One of the bills from yesterday's bank robbery popped.
Art: Raylan. Rachel tell you what happened?
Raylan: Bill popped.
Art: Yeah, one of the $100s we found on Carter. Our friends from the secret service in Cincinnati would like a word with you. It could have come from one of the drawers, from one of the people on the floor. Here you go, and this is deputy Raylan Givens. You interview most of these people?
Art: All of them. Including your ex-wife?
Raylan: [ Chuckling ] Yeah. Any of them mention losing a $100 bill to the robbers?
Raylan: Uh, not that I recall. This resolution sucks.
Tim: Here you go. Finally.
Raylan: I'm still not clear on why this bill popped. Well, it's been out of circulation for 20 years.
Art: They think they might be trying to counterfeit the older ones, 'cause they're easier to fake and easier to pass. Most of the older bills were taken out of circulation precisely for that reason. So when this old number popped, we got in the car. Looks like...an American $100 bill. It's real. You sure? No, I'm guessing. I wonder why we haven't seen it for 20 years. I wonder why you give a sh1t when it's no longer our responsibility. Well, thank you for your assistance. Coffee sucks, by the way.
Art: Have a nice day.
Tim: Maybe it was in a safe-deposit and somebody just got it out.
Raylan: Or in a sock drawer or birthday card.
Rachel: None of the above. It was in a bank robbery.
Art: We know that.
Rachel: 20 years ago. I just spoke with a friend at the FBI in D.C. He ran the serial number through their database. That bill was in a robbery of $211,000 from a Lexington savings and loan in 1989.
Art: Was the money ever recovered?
Rachel: It was... all of it. The trial was in this building in 1990.
Art: So the money was in our vault.
Rachel: At one time.
Art: Maybe it's still there.
Raylan: Well, wouldn't the fact that a bill was in circulation imply that it's not there?
Art: Well, I don't know. You have a case number?
Rachel: I'll get it.
Art: You know what the name of the bank was?
Rachel: Bluegrass Savings and Loan.
Art: Let's go!
Art: What do you say, Charlie? Hey, Art. Tim.
Tim: How you doing, Charlie? Rachel? Raylan? I thought you might need some company. What's goin' on? We're lookin' for some evidence from twenty years ago. Twenty years ago... alright, we go to the ledgers for that, what's the date? May 1990. Now I know, temper's have been runnin' high, But I'm telling you right now, I will tolerate no nonsense in my courtroom. I have court security standing by to haul off anyone who gets stupid. And if the guards don't take care of it, I will. All righty, I got three entries, May 1990.
Rachel: It's not there. According to this, the judge in the case ordered the money back to the bank after trial.
Art: Did you call the bank?
Rachel: Bluegrass Savings and Loan went under in 1992, part of the S&L crisis. And, again, as my friend at the FBI says, none of the serial numbers from the stolen bills have been seen for 20 years.
Art: Just disappeared?
Tim: Well, maybe someone at the bank socked it away. Maybe it was never sent.
Rachel: The judge gave the order. Oh, they give the order all the time. That doesn't mean it happens. It just falls through the cracks. I got a great, big box of counterfeit beanie babies over here been ordered out of here. It's still sitting here.
Art: You could call the judge.
Rachel: It was judge Reynolds.
Art: Mmm. Oh.
Raylan: Hmm? Oh?
Rachel: He died three years ago.
Tim: What was the case number?
Rachel: [ Sighs ]
Tim: Yeah, while we're down here, we might as well make sure.
Rachel: 1990053419. 242, one of the old ones in the back. Well, let's open it up.
[ Chuckles ]
Let's get it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Art: Round of drinks says it's empty.
Raylan: Sure.
I'll take that bet.
Tim: $210,000 in forgotten money. We should run off to Mexico, start a cult. What are we doing here?
Art: I feel like Geraldo Rivera right before they opened Al Capone's vault. Don't tell me you're too young to know who that is. Now I really feel like Geraldo in front of Al Capone's vault. Rachel, I guess you should call your friends at the Feeb and see if they want to pursue this any further.
Rachel: Will do. Should I lock it up?
Art: Yeah, we're done, Charlie. Alright. Pay up, sucker.
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
Judge Reardon: I'm gonna disallow it. [ Gasps ] No.
Judge Reardon: First warning, Mr. Peener. I know the video may be accurate, but it brings no new information. The fact of death is not in dispute. The video's inflammatory. It's telling the truth!
Judge Reardon: Second warning, Mr. Peener. There is no third. Junior, listen to the man. Mama, he's just... Shut it!
Judge Reardon: May I continue, please? Sorry, your honor.
Judge Reardon: And it was taken while in the course of trespassing on private land. It was nighttime! We didn't know.
Judge Reardon: That's it. Get him out of here. Junior, what did I tell you?! You're gonna put him in jail for telling the truth?
Judge Reardon: No, no charge this time. But I'm telling you what... I will hold you all in contempt if it happens at trial. Now, you best go with your boy and you take your daughter. This ain't right.
Judge Reardon: Counsel, advise your clients. How'd you like it if a rock crushed your daddy? Stop it. I videotaped my own daddy dying... you got any idea what that's like?!
Judge Reardon: Hey! If I were you, I'd sit tight for a few minutes. Wait till it dies down outside and let the nut-jobs start heading back to their caves and treehouses. Jury selection starts Monday.
[ Gal bangs ]
Raylan: Winona.
Winona: Am I still out of jail?
Raylan: Yeah, so far.
Winona: What was that stuff about the secret service?
Raylan: It's all right.
Go get your bag and meet me downstairs.
Winona: Okay.
[ Alarm blaring ]
We got to evacuate.
Rachel: Jimbo, what is it? Bomb threat. Where's the judge?
Judge Reardon: God damn it! Jimbo, you know there's never a bomb. Until there is, your honor.
Judge Reardon: This bomb threat's probably... probably bullshit. Caller was specific. If we have time to evacuate, we do.
Judge Reardon: I hate this. I hate this sh1t. Come on, everybody. Let's go. Winona, come on. Raylan, ándale. Let's go.
Raylan: Uh, I'm just gonna make sure my office is evac'd.
Judge Reardon: They're grown-ups, Raylan. Come on.
Raylan: I've grown fond of some of them. I'll be right there.
[ Blaring continues ]
Go on the east side of the building!
[ Siren chirping ]
[ Siren wails ]
Turn your cellphones off. Turn them off right now.
Raylan: Hold up. Jimbo, hold up. Everybody's got to go, Raylan.
Raylan: Not the judge, not Ms. Johnson or any one involved with this case What are you talkin' about? On this side of security no one's got a weapon on the other side, it's a different story. Who took the call? I did. Caller ID? Just a number, no name. Did you see the plaintiffs exit? I did. How long after that did this call come in? All right, let's roll.
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Search every room. Pike, Bishop, second floor. Yes, sir.
[ Police radio chatter ]
Anything that isn't nailed down, you check it. Yes, sir.
[ Knock on window ]
Rachel: Get out of the car.
Step out of the car. Let me see your hands. Turn around. I didn't... I didn't make no bomb threat. Hell, I don't even have a cellphone. Me neither.
Tim: We didn't say nothing about no bomb threat. Keep it clear!
[ Police radio chatter ]
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
Nothing metallic. No wires. No blocks. Looks like...Stacks of paper. Go manual. Clear. All clear. Stand down. Stand down. There is no device. Stand down? The bomb call was from a sniper. The building is secure. Aren't you the hero?
Raylan: I'm sorry? I understand I owe you my life.
Raylan: If you were the target. Wasn't I?
Raylan: Usually it's the judge they're after. Really?
Raylan: Mm-hmm. Uh, then again, I could be wrong. Don't let your guard down. The man belonging to that rifle is still out there. I'm surprised to see you here.
Boyd: Oh, without shackles or an attorney present? It's a little strange for me, too. Your boss, he thought it prudent to bring Ms. Johnson here for safekeeping.
Raylan: I don't see him. He said he was gonna go out and get us some good coffee.
Raylan: Top left. Red tape. Put it back anywhere except for where you found it.
[ Sighs ]
Boyd: I think I owe you an apology.
I-it seems that I woefully neglected that which you asked me to do. In what way?
Boyd: Uh, well, in my haste, I wanted to get you outside of the courthouse, which could've led to your death. Boyd, my security needs go beyond having a bodyguard. From the outset, I have had other things in mind for you to do, things for which I believe you are uniquely qualified.
Boyd: Well, that sounds an awful lot like you want me to return to my outlaw ways. How well do you know the Bennett clan?
Boyd: Well, everyone in Harlan County knows Mags Bennett and her boys. Good. Mags is getting in the way of my plans, and she and her boys are gonna have to be dealt with.
Boyd: [ Exhales sharply ]
Winona: sh1t.
[ Elevator bell dings ]
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
Art.
Art: Raylan.
[ Locker door bangs ]
Charlie here?
Raylan: No. Winona's putting something in the evidence room.
Art: Mm.
Winona: Art.
Art: Winona.
Raylan: You want me to lock it up?
Art: No. I'll wait for Charlie.
[ Keys jingle ]
[ Elevator bell dings ] | Plan: A: Winona's involvement; Q: What is the deeper story behind the money in the evidence locker? A: the courthouse; Q: Where does Raylan race through to replace the evidence locker? A: Boyd; Q: Who is hired by Carol Johnson to assist in a wrongful death suit against the coal company? A: coal executive Carol Johnson; Q: Who hires Boyd to assist in a wrongful death suit against the company? A: Rebecca Creskoff; Q: Who plays Carol Johnson? A: a growing conflict; Q: What is the Bennett clan's relationship with Boyd? Summary: Winona's involvement with the money in the evidence locker goes deeper than assumed, putting Raylan in a tense race through the courthouse to replace it. Boyd is hired by coal executive Carol Johnson ( Rebecca Creskoff ) to assist in a wrongful death suit against the company, as well as a growing conflict with the Bennett clan. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
HALEY : How bad will it get if they find out about you and Daunte?
NATHAN : I won't play anywhere.
WHITEY : Duke rescinded your scholarship offer.
PEYTON : I applied for an internship with Sire Records.
LUCAS : That's great.
PEYTON : It's in Los Angeles.
BROOKE : I was wondering, why'd you leave Clean Teens?
CHASE : I thought if I joined Clean Teens, girls wouldn't be interested in me, and then maybe I wouldn't have my heart broken again.
BROOKE : And then I came along.
DAN : What are you gonna do... shoot me?
LUCAS : Yes, just like you shot my uncle Keith.
DAN : Karen?
LUCAS : Do not touch her!
DAN : She could be having a miscarriage!
LUCAS : I swear to god, I will kill you!
LUCAS (voiceover) : Graduation Day at Tree Hill High... a day when we officially leave the refuge of high school and begin our real lives. But what of those lives? As we go into the world, what matters most? Is it about the things we create? The things we achieve? The awards we win? Is it about who we are when we fail? What's more important... what we become or how we become it?
LUCAS' HOUSE
Following the end of last episode, Karen faint and Lucas just shoot...
LUCAS : Mom, are you okay?
DAN : She could be having a miscarriage!
LUCAS : Do not touch her! That is my mother! I swear to god, I will kill you! Get out.
DAN : Lucas... She could lose the baby.
LUCAS : I missed on purpose. I will not miss again.
DAN : You're making a terrible mistake.
LUCAS : Get out.
(Dan leaves)
LUCAS : Mom, it's okay. I'm gonna get you some help, okay? It's gonna be okay.
SCOTT'S HOUSE
Nathan and Haley are in the bedroom
HALEY : We're gonna be okay.
NATHAN : I know. Still, it just came earlier than I thought it would.
HALEY : What? Graduation?
NATHAN : No. The day I realized I was never gonna play again. I called every school that showed interest in me as a player. Nobody wants a point-shaver.
(Haley's cell phone rings)
INSIDE HOSPITAL
Lucas is waiting, Nathan and Haley arrive with Deb
NATHAN : Luke.
HALEY : Hey.
LUCAS : Hey.
DEB : How's Karen? What are they saying?
LUCAS : She's unconscious. She has something called "eclampsia." It gives her seizures.
HALEY : What does that mean for the baby?
LUCAS : It's pretty serious. They said the next few hours are critical for the both of them. I just want her to be okay.
DEB : She will be. Your mom is tough. Why don't I go to your house and pack some things for her?
LUCAS : Okay.
HALEY : Does Peyton know you're here? You mind if I call her and let her know?
(Haley and Deb start leaving)
DEB : I... I don't want you to start worrying and putting too much stress on yourself.
HALEY : Thanks. I'll be fine.
DEB : Haley... you didn't happen to mention to anyone that I had a gun in the house, did you?
HALEY : Yeah, I told Lucas earlier today.
THE APARTMENT
Peyton is at her desk, Brooke joins her, sad.
BROOKE : Hey.
PEYTON : Hey. What's wrong?
BROOKE : Nothing.
PEYTON : Aw, come on. We're gonna be graduating soon. We all know graduating plus partying equals Brooke Davis minus her clothes.
BROOKE : But we're not all graduating. Rachel should be here.
(Peyton's phone rings)
LUCAS' HOUSE
After packing some things for Karen, Deb walks by the whole in the wall made by the bullet.
INSIDE HOSPITAL
Lucas is in his mother's room, Peyton walks in
PEYTON : Hi. How's she doing?
LUCAS : Not so good. The doctor says what she has could attack her kidneys and her lungs... everything.
(Deb knocks on the door)
DEB : Hi, Peyton.
PEYTON : Hi.
DEB : Do you mind giving me and Lucas a moment to talk?
PEYTON : Yeah, I'll go get us some coffee.
DEB : Thanks.
(Peyton leaves and shut the door, then Deb slams Lucas)
LUCAS : What, are you on drugs again?
DEB : Are you? Because there's a bullet hole in the wall of your house, Lucas, and nearby, I found a shell casing from a 9-millimeter handgun. I happen to be missing a 9-millimeter handgun, one you knew about. There's a police officer about 40 yards down the hall. You want to talk to him, or you want to talk to me?
LUCAS : You'll think I'm crazy.
DEB : I don't know if anyone's told you, but I'm about as crazy as you can get without being committed. Try me.
LUCAS : Dan killed Keith. It wasn't Jimmy Edwards. It was Dan. He got into the school that day, and he shot Keith. And there was a witness, but... she's gone now. Dan killed Keith, Deb.
DEB : I believe you.
LUCAS : You do?
DEB : Dan thought it was Keith, not me, who tried to burn him in the dealership fire. Oh, my god, what did I do? Who else knows?
LUCAS : My mom, but...
DEB : Where's the gun, Lucas? There's a reason you didn't shoot him, and you know it. It's not the way.
(Lucas gets his jacket, takes the gun and gives it to Deb)
DEB : I won't leave her side. If Dan tries anything, I'll be right here. You should go see Peyton. It's okay.
(Lucas starts leaving)
DEB : Lucas... I'm sorry, truly. But justice will be served. I promise you that.
ONE TREE HILL CREDITS
INSIDE HOSPITAL
Peyton, Haley and Nathan are in the waiting room
PEYTON : How's your speech coming, Haley?
HALEY : Not great. I'm trying to write about how we all should believe in the good things in life, but... it's feeling a little false today.
NATHAN : I think I'm gonna take a year off. I can work nights and take care of the baby while you take classes.
HALEY : What about college?
NATHAN : Without a scholarship, we can't afford it. I'll just save up, and I'll go next year.
HALEY : You'll go this year and play basketball. We're not giving up on that yet.
NATHAN : Every college in America has.
PEYTON : You know, Skills is playing college basketball. Maybe he can talk to somebody for you.
NATHAN : Yeah. Yeah, maybe.
(Lucas and Deb arrive)
PEYTON : Hey.
LUCAS : Hey.
HALEY : Hey, how's Karen?
DEB : No change.
PEYTON : Is there anything that we can do?
DEB : Yeah. It's your last day as high-school students. You can go and be kids for the rest of the day.
LUCAS : No, I'm not leaving my mother.
DEB : If anything changes, I will call you immediately. I promise you.
HALEY : That's a good idea, Luke. You should go home, get some food, take a shower.
NATHAN : Yeah, you do kind of stink.
PEYTON : Come on.
LUCAS : You'll call me?
DEB : First thing.
LUCAS : Okay.
(Everybody start leaving)
DEB : Lucas. Stay away from Dan. Understand me?
LUCAS : Yes, ma'am.
DEB : All right.
THE APARTMENT
Brooke is alone, Chase knocks at the door
CHASE : Brooke?
BROOKE : Hey. Thanks for coming.
CHASE : Thanks for calling. Are you okay?
BROOKE : I don't know. Karen's still in the hospital, and there's... something else.
CHASE : Okay... I think.
BROOKE : I think I'm gonna turn myself in for stealing the calculus exam.
CHASE : The day before graduation?
BROOKE : I know. It's just... I was looking at the honor wall at school, and... I don't belong up there... you know? There's nothing honorable about letting your friend take the blame for something you've done.
CHASE : All right, I love you for that, but what if they don't let you graduate? I mean, Rachel's already gone, school's over. What's it really gonna change?
BROOKE : The way I feel about myself... And you just said you love me.
CHASE : I did not.
BROOKE : Did so. You just said, "and I love you for that."
CHASE : So what if I did? And what if I do?
RIVERCOURT
Skills is playing, Bevin arrives
BEVIN : Hey, babe. Got some good news. So, my parents want to have your parents over before graduation tomorrow... a little quiche, maybe some lawn darts.
SKILLS : Baby, quiche and lawn darts? Do your parents know my parents are black?
BEVIN : They don't know you're black, so probably not. Stop it. Race has never been an issue to my parents with any of my friends.
SKILLS : But was you having s*x with any of your friends?
BEVIN : Do you really think it's gonna be a problem?
SKILLS : Maybe not for us, but for our parents, it usually is.
BEVIN : I'll just have to tell them, and if it's a problem, they're not the parents I raised them to be.
(She leaves and Nathan arrives)
BEVIN : Hi, Nate. Bye, Nate.
NATHAN : What's up, man?
SKILLS : What's up, dog?
NATHAN : You hear about Luke's mom?
SKILLS : Yeah. Figured I'd give the family some space, you know? Anything I could do?
NATHAN : Not for them. Maybe for me.
SKILLS : Yeah, listen, man, I talked to my coaches, dog, and I don't think it's gonna work out.
NATHAN : Oh, that's all right, man. I figured. But Haley mentioned to me that if you didn't get your scholarship, there's a job waiting for you in the factory where your dad works.
SKILLS : Yeah.
NATHAN : I thought if you weren't taking it, maybe I could?
SKILLS : Yeah, I mean, I could talk to pops. Can you go by there today?
NATHAN : Yeah, whatever it takes. Just give me a call.
SKILLS : Cool.
NATHAN : All right. Thanks a lot, Skills.
SKILLS : No doubt.
(Nathan starts leaving)
SKILLS : Hey, yo, Nate. Sorry things ain't working out for you on the court, man.
NATHAN : Yeah, well... It's the risk I took, right? Commit a crime, sometimes it catches up to you.
DAN'S HOUSE
Dan comes home, Lucas is sitting on his couch
DAN : Lucas? I understand you're really mixed up about all this.
LUCAS : You're saying you didn't kill Keith? Is that what you want me to believe?
DAN : Yes, Lucas. That's what I want you to believe with all my heart.
LUCAS : That's never gonna happen.
DAN : You realize I'm in a lose-lose situation here. If your mother doesn't wake up, then I'll never gonna forgive myself. If she does wake up, then she'll never forgive me. Unless... unless, maybe... somehow, you're mistaken.
LUCAS : No chance. I know what you did. And you know what you did. And maybe you'll never pay for it, but I promise you... my mom's gonna know it, too.
(Lucas starts leaving)
DAN : And what about her child? Keith's child... another kid raised without a father, like you?
LUCAS : I had Keith... until you took him from us. And I'll be there for his child, but you won't be. Ever. I'll make sure of that.
THE APARTMENT
Peyton and Haley are eating ice cream
PEYTON : You know, a lot of people go to therapy to deal with stuff, but I say a good root-beer float can fix just about anybody.
HALEY : Fixes me up.
PEYTON : Your parents coming back for graduation?
HALEY : No, they would rather come back when the baby's born, so I'll see them soon. How about your dad?
PEYTON : Actually, I think I'm gonna take that internship in California, so he's just gonna meet me there in, like, two weeks.
HALEY : Peyton, that's awesome! I'm so glad you decided to do that. You're gonna do great. That's cool. Did Lucas say he's coming back here before he goes to the hospital? Well, I'll get out of your hair, as much as I hate to... slurp and run. So good.
(Someone knocks at the door)
PEYTON : Come in.
(Nathan walks in)
HALEY : I was just getting ready to go.
NATHAN : Oh, good. Hey, I got good news. Skills hooked me up.
HALEY : With his team?!
NATHAN : No, with his dad. He got me that job at his father's factory.
HALEY : Well, Nathan, that's...
NATHAN : It's good money, Hales, but it does start today, so... So much for the last day of being a kid, huh?
TREE HILL HIGH
Brooke arrives in Principal Turner's office
TURNER : Miss Davis. A bit early for graduation, aren't you?
BROOKE : I'm the one who stole the calculus exam.
THE APARTMENT
Peyton and Lucas are on the bed
PEYTON : I'm really glad you came back. I missed you.
LUCAS : You think we could just stay here for the rest of the summer?
PEYTON : Mmm, yeah, there was a chance of that till I took that internship.
LUCAS : It's okay. I'm glad you did.
PEYTON : Yeah, it's gonna be a long summer.
LUCAS : Nah, it'll fly by.
PEYTON : You know, I... I really do appreciate you being supportive about all this, but a little bit of disappointment would be good for my ego.
LUCAS : I just want you to be happy, Peyton. You have so much magic in you...
PEYTON : But everything's okay?
LUCAS : I wish we never left that hotel room in Honey Grove, 'cause you're perfect, and we're perfect, and that night was... perfect.
PEYTON : Well, saying that just earned you another one.
LUCAS : I think I got to get back to the hospital.
PEYTON : Can I come with you?
LUCAS : Sure. Just... let me hold you for a couple more minutes. That's what's gonna fix me.
SKILL'S FATHER'S FACTORY
Mr. Taylor joins Nathan
MR. TAYLOR : Mr. Scott.
NATHAN : Mr. Taylor.
MR. TAYLOR : Charles. You ready to go to work?
NATHAN : Yes, sir.
MR. TAYLOR : Right answer. Follow me. You know anything about what we do here?
NATHAN : Uh, not really. Is it shipping of some sort?
MR. TAYLOR : Of some sort. We manufacture the steel that goes to building those freighters you see coming in and out of the cape. At least, that's what the company does. We mostly just work. But if hard work doesn't scare you, you'll do fine.
NATHAN : Hard work doesn't scare me, sir.
MR. TAYLOR : Another right answer. Let's, uh, lose that "sir." It's "Charles" or "Chuck."
NATHAN : Your name is Chuck Taylor? Like the shoe?
MR. TAYLOR : More like the guy who's gonna work your sorry ass to the bone. Grab the other side of that pipe, Nathan Scott.
NATHAN : Yes, sir, Chuck... Charles... sorry.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TREE HILL HIGH
Brooke and Principal Turner are walking in the hallways
BROOKE : And that's the truth about how I passed calculus, so I'm guessing there's all sorts of mean stuff you have to do now.
TURNER : Well, I...
BROOKE : Just, before you do, can I say something? You know, when I was a freshman, wasn't a very good person. I mean, sure, I was popular and dating seniors, but as a person, I was pretty lost. And over the last four years, I've been forced to grow up. I stopped letting boys define me, and I started believing in myself and in my potential, and I ran for student-council president, and I designed a clothing line, and somewhere along the way, the lost, little party girl became the girl on the wall of honor. And... I know what I did was wrong, Mr. Turner. I know. But the girl I was when I came to this school... I'm not so sure she would have. And isn't that the point of high school? Isn't that what you guys have been trying to teach us for the last four years?
TURNER : Actually, we've been trying to teach you not to cheat in calculus, but the rest of it is certainly important, too. I imagine you've been feeling a good amount of guilt over letting your friend Rachel take the fall.
BROOKE : Yes, sir... I mean, even though she told me to and she's done all sorts of things over the last year that would have gotten her expelled anyway. Yes, I have, so that's why I felt that I should come forward.
TURNER : You know, Brooke, I must seem ancient to you. Your teachers probably seem irrelevant. But one day, you'll look back, and things won't seem so... "us against them." I assume you're going to college?
BROOKE : Yes, sir. I... I hope so now.
TURNER : To study...?
BROOKE : Fashion.
TURNER : Not engineering? Or anything requiring intensive calculus?
BROOKE : No, sir.
TURNER : Good. Go graduate.
BROOKE : Really? Are you serious? Thank you. I... I don't even...
(Chase runs toward them)
CHASE : Principal Turner! Principal Turner! Look, if you suspend her, I think you're really making a big mistake. I don't mean to barge in like this...
BROOKE : Shut up. Chase, I love you for this, really, but, shut up.
BROOKE (to Turner) : Um, I'm sorry. We'll... we'll just go. Go. Thanks.
INSIDE HOSPITAL
Peyton and Lucas rush in Karen's room
LUCAS : Deb? Dr. Hudson, what's happening?
DOCTOR : Your mom's condition is worsened, Lucas. And we can't be aggressive with the antibiotics because of her pregnancy.
LUCAS : So how do you help her?
DOCTOR : I want to prep her for surgery and deliver the baby by caesarean.
LUCAS : And then everything will be okay, right? With my mom and the baby?
DOCTOR : We have to take one life at a time, Luke. Right now, both lives are in danger, but if we act now, we can save the baby, and we'll have a much better chance at helping your mom.
LUCAS : I want to be there with her when you deliver the baby.
DOCTOR : Of course.
LUCAS : Mom... we're gonna try to help you, okay? Just... come back to us.
SCOTT'S HOUSE
Whitey is knocking at the door, Haley opens it
HALEY : Hey, coach. Um, are you looking for Nathan?
WHITEY : No, actually, I was looking for you. Care to take a little walk?
HALEY : Uh... yeah, sure. They go for a walk
WHITEY : How's Nathan holding up?
HALEY : Better than I am. Skills helped him get a job at a steel plant. I don't know. I just... I feel like it's way too early for him to let his fire burn out and just give up what he wants, you know?
WHITEY : How about what you want? Look, Haley, you asked me to help Nathan. I'm not sure I can, but if I do... it's gonna take you away from all the things you want to do. I remember he said something about Stanford.
HALEY : Coach, I would go anywhere with Nathan. I would go to whatever school will take him. As long as our family's together and he's doing something that he loves, I'll be happy.
WHITEY : You'd make that sacrifice?
HALEY : Yeah, wouldn't you have done the same for Camilla?
WHITEY : Well, sure I would have, but I never had to. She always did the sacrificing for me.
SKILL'S FATHER'S FACTORY
MR. TAYLOR : Okay. Let's take a break. State championship wasn't that long ago. You can't be out of shape.
NATHAN : I'm in game shape, just not "steel beams for the rest of my life" shape. You do this every day?
MR. TAYLOR : No, I've been in management for years. I just wanted to see what you were made of. And, by the way, this doesn't have to be for the rest of your life. A lot of successful people never got scholarships to college.
NATHAN : Any of them point-shavers?
MR. TAYLOR : Yeah, how'd all that go down, anyway?
NATHAN : I was in over my head. I just needed money, and... the rest was a perfectly orchestrated series of screw-ups.
MR. TAYLOR : You, uh... you regret it?
NATHAN : Every day.
MR. TAYLOR : 'Cause you got caught.
NATHAN : Look, Mr. Taylor, you seem like a good man. But the thing is, I made a mistake, and now I'm paying for it. Those 32 minutes should not define me for the rest of my life.
MR. TAYLOR : I was hoping you'd say that. Now all you got to do is believe it. Let's get back to work, All-Star.
NATHAN : All right, let's do it, Chuck.
MR. TAYLOR : Oh, by the way, I'm supposed to be meeting my son's girlfriend and her family tomorrow. Anything I should know?
RIVERCOURT
Skills is with Mouth
MOUTH : Your parents don't know Bevin's white?
SKILLS : Never came up.
MOUTH : And her parents don't know you're black?
SKILLS : Look, they serving quiche, dog.
MOUTH : Can I go to this thing? 'Cause it sounds like it's gonna be an awesome disaster.
SKILLS : Great, laugh it up.
MOUTH : I'm just playing around. It's probably not even a big deal. I mean, if I were her parents, I'd be more worried about you being you than you being black.
TREE HILL HIGH GYM
Everything is set for the graduation, Brooke and Chase walk in the gym
BROOKE : Oh, priceless. "Mr. Turner, if you suspend her, you're making a huge mistake!"
CHASE : I was trying to help.
BROOKE : I know. You were very cute.
CHASE : I couldn't just stand by and let you not graduate. Besides, it got you to say you love me.
BROOKE : I did not.
CHASE : Yeah, you did. You told me to shut up, and then you said, "I love you for this, but go."
BROOKE : So what if I did? So what if I do?
(Chase tries to kiss Brooke but she stops him)
BROOKE : Hey. Are we really gonna do this?
CHASE : You mean kiss? I hope so.
BROOKE : No, I mean... get all blissed out on each other, like... right before I leave for the summer and we go to college.
CHASE : Why not?
BROOKE : 'Cause it's gonna suck when we're apart?
CHASE : Yeah... but it's gonna be great when we're not. Besides, I'm gonna send you the dirtiest text messages.
BROOKE : Promise?
CHASE : Yeah.
BROOKE : You're so sweet, promising to type me filthy things with your thumbs.
CHASE : Hey, anything for the girl I love.
(They kiss)
SCOTT'S HOUSE
Haley is in the kitchen, Nathan comes home, all dirty and exhausted, but Haley don't see him at first.
HALEY : Nathan?
NATHAN : Hey.
HALEY : Hey. How'd it go?
NATHAN : Fine.
HALEY : Will you listen to this part of my speech and tell me if it works?
NATHAN : Yeah, sure. Let's hear it.
HALEY : Okay. "Now is the time for us to shine, a time when our dreams are within reach and possibilities, vast. Now is the time for all of us to become the people we've always dreamed of being."
(She sees him)
THE APARTMENT
Brooke and Chase are trying their uniform
BROOKE : Stop! Stop!
INSIDE HOSPITAL
After getting dress by Peyton, Lucas enters the operating room and Peyton goes to the gallery to watch. Dan joins her and Deb too.
DOCTOR : It's a girl!
LUCAS : It's a girl?
DOCTOR : Lucas, say hello to your sister.
(Dan leaves the gallery)
Later, Karen is in her room again. Lucas is sitting next to her, holding her sister. Peyton walks in
PEYTON : Hi. Look how beautiful she is.
LUCAS : Yeah, I'm afraid to move, or I'm gonna break her.
PEYTON : You're not gonna break her.
LUCAS : Want to hold her?
PEYTON : Yeah. Okay. Support her head.
(Lucas put the little girl in Peyton's arms)
PEYTON : Come here, you.
(Haley and Nathan arrive)
HALEY : Oh. Let's see her.
NATHAN : Wow. I'm officially scared to death again.
HALEY : How's your mom doing?
LUCAS : She's still unconscious... but stable... they said she did great.
HALEY : Hey, I was wondering if you'd be able to step out for a minute?
PEYTON : Go ahead. I'll watch her.
HALEY : It's just a minute.
LUCAS : I'll be right back, mom... and you... and you.
(Lucas and Haley leave the room)
NATHAN : Unbelievable.
OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL
Lucas and Haley are sitting on a bench
HALEY : Okay. I wanted to give you this before graduation.
(Haley gives him a present)
LUCAS : Okay. I got something for you, too, but it's at the house.
HALEY : Actually, that's not from me. That's from your mom. She just hid it with me so you wouldn't find it.
(Lucas opens it, it's a book)
HALEY : What book is it?
LUCAS : It's my novel.
HALEY : Your what?
LUCAS : She had it bound for me. I didn't even know she knew I was writing it.
HALEY : When did you... I guess there's not too much your mom doesn't know about your life.
(Lucas opens the book and a note from his mother)
LUCAS : "Lucas, I'm so proud of you. Your words are wonderful. Don't be afraid to share them with the world. Follow through and finish this. Remember... 'There is a tide in the affairs of men.'" That's "Julius Caesar." Do you remember when you gave me that book?
FLASHBACK, EPISODE PILOT
LUCAS : Wow. "Julius Caesar."
KAREN : "There's a tide in the affairs of men..." or something like that.
END OF THE FLASHBACK, OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL
Lucas is still reading his mom's note
LUCAS : "Love, mom." I really need her to be my mom again, Haley.
HALEY : She will be. I know it.
INSIDE HOSPITAL
Nathan is watching the babies in the nursery, his mother joins him
DEB : Pretty soon, you'll have a beautiful baby of your own.
NATHAN : Trying to freak me out, mom? And, by the way, if you can't make it to graduation, that's okay. At least dad will be there.
DEB : No. If you see your father, I want you to stay away from him.
NATHAN : Why?
DEB : Nathan... this is gonna be hard for you to hear, and the timing is horrible, but you're my son, and I will always protect you.
NATHAN : Mom, what's going on?
DEB : It's about your uncle Keith.
(We see Deb telling Nathan what really happened, we don't hear their dialogue. At the end, Nathan leaves Deb furious)
Daddy, what's going on?
BEVIN'S HOUSE
Bevin's father is at his barbecue when Bevin arrives
BEVIN : Daddy, what's going on?
BEVIN'S DAD : We had a slight change of plans.
BEVIN : What do you mean?
BEVIN'S DAD : Your mother wanted quiche, but I hate quiche.
BEVIN : Well, I have something to tell you. My boyfriend's black.
(Skills' father join them)
MR. TAYLOR : That's okay, honey. My son's black, too. We deal with it.
BEVIN : But...
BEVIN'S MOM : Bevin Evan Mirskey, you are in so much trouble.
BEVIN : Why?
BEVIN'S MOM : Because if you had introduced us to Antwon sooner, we would have met his parents sooner.
SKILLS' MOM : Hi, baby. Antwon! Get your butt out here and introduce us to your beautiful girlfriend!
BEVIN'S DAD : All right, everyone, just step back and observe the master.
BEVIN'S MOM : Here we go.
MR. TAYLOR : I was looking forward to quiche.
BEVIN'S MOM : You see?
(Skills arrives)
SKILLS : Hey, baby. See? I told you it wasn't nothing to worry about.
INSIDE HOSPITAL
Lucas is alone in Karen's room
LUCAS : Hey, mom. I just wanted you to know how good you did today. You and Keith. She's so beautiful. You're gonna be proud. But, you see, you got to wake up... because she doesn't even have a name yet. You never told me what it was gonna be.
(Peyton enters the room with Deb)
PEYTON : Luke? Hey, we should probably get going if we're gonna make it to graduation on time.
LUCAS : I kind of just... thought I'd skip it.
PEYTON : Okay. Before you do, I think there something you should see.
Peyton takes him in the hallway, where all the gang is waiting
PEYTON : If you skip graduation, we're all gonna skip with you.
HALEY : Even me, Luke.
PEYTON : Remember what you told me about how much I'd regret it if I skipped prom? You were right. And I think your mom would want you to graduate with all your friends.
DEB : You can wait here, or you can wait there. It's all the same waiting. I promise you I'll call. You should go.
HALEY : Come on, Luke. We can't imagine doing this without you.
(Lucas decides to go with them)
HALEY : Yes!
DAN'S HOUSE
Nathan comes to visit his father.
NATHAN : Dad. I know you've been a bad guy, dad, and for a long time, I wondered if you'd ever change, but lately, I've seen you change. I've been so proud of you. But now they're saying... they're saying that you killed uncle Keith, dad. Mom said it, and Lucas said it, too, but... I know they're wrong, okay, because I know you could never do something like that. So just... Dad, just look me in the eye and tell me that they're wrong, and I promise, I'll stand by you, because I love you, dad. Just tell me they're wrong, please.
DAN : I can't do that.
NATHAN : What happened to you? What happened to you, dad? The day Keith died, you died. You understand me? My son will never know you. You stay away from my family, and you stay away from me!
GRAVEYARD
Nathan is in front of Keith's grave, Whitey arrives
WHITEY : Nathan.
NATHAN : First time I've ever come to Keith's grave.
WHITEY : I was visiting with Camilla... looking for some guidance, and I asked her to send me a sign. I looked up, and I saw you. You know, there's a crummy little school about three hours from here. They haven't had a winning basketball season in over 30 years. Gym smells terrible. Nobody goes to the games. A man would be a damn fool to take their vacant coaching position... or a damn fool that just won the state championship.
NATHAN : You're gonna coach another high school?
WHITEY : College. Took the job this morning. How would you like to play for me next season?
NATHAN : Thank you, coach.
WHITEY : Don't thank me. Thank Haley.
INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM
It's graduation
TURNER : So, without further ado, I give you Tree Hill High's graduating class.
(Each student comes to take his diploma)
TURNER : Chase Adams. Richard Asplund. Angela Brown. Brooke Davis. Sarah Huddleston. Marvin McFadden. Robert Moore. Bevin Mirskey. Peyton Sawyer. Robert Maxwell Scanlon. Jessica May Scarlow. Lucas Scott. Nathan Scott. Anna Smith. Antwon Taylor. Ferguson Thompson. And graduating in absentia, Rachel Gatina. And finally, this year's class valedictorian, Haley James Scott.
(Haley takes her diploma and comes to make her speech)
HALEY : Distinguished guests, parents, and this year's graduating class... My best friend reminded me of a quote by William Shakespeare that seems appropriate. "There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries."
INSIDE HOSPITAL
Dan his watching the babies in the nursery, a nurse walks toward him carrying Karen's daughter.
NURSE : Mayor Scott, would you like to hold your beautiful niece?
HALEY (voiceover) : "...On such a full sea we are now afloat... ...and we must take the current when it serves, or lose our ventures."
INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM
Haley is continuing her speech
HALEY : I think that what that quote means is that life is short and opportunities are rare and we have to be vigilant in protecting them... and not only the opportunities to succeed, but... the opportunities to laugh, to see the enchantment in the world, and... to live.
INSIDE HOSPITAL
Deb is at Karen bedside when we hear her monitor making a continuing sound
DOCTOR : Call Dr. Hudson! She's crashing!
INTERIOR TREE HILL GYM
Haley is continuing her speech
HALEY : 'Cause life doesn't owe us anything. As a matter of fact, I think that we owe something to the world. And if we can just believe...
(Haley stops talking, breathes deeply and laughs)
HALEY : ... I'm sorry. I have more. I just... think I'm having my baby. | Plan: A: Haley; Q: Who prepares for her valedictorian speech? A: Nathan; Q: Who must adjust to life without basketball? A: Brooke; Q: Who makes a confession that may have great consequences? A: Lucas; Q: Who confronts Dan after Karen's life is threatened? A: Karen; Q: Who gives birth to a daughter? A: Karen's life; Q: What is threatened in the episode? A: the Foo Fighters; Q: What band is featured in the graduation scene? A: the graduation scene.[21; Q: When is the song "Times Like These" heard? Summary: As graduation approaches, Haley prepares for the recital of her valedictorian speech and motherhood. Nathan must adjust to life without basketball. Brooke makes a confession that may have great consequences. Lucas confronts Dan after Karen's life is threatened. Karen gives birth to her daughter. The song "Times Like These" from the Foo Fighters is heard during the graduation scene.[21] This episode is named after a song by Explosions in the Sky . |
THE MACRA TERROR
by IAN STUART BLACK
first broadcast - 11thMarch, 1967 5:50pm - 6:15pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: MEDOK
(A slight bearded man, MEDOK...)
THE MACRA TERROR
(...stares intently into space.)
BY
IAN STUART BLACK
(A heartbeat sound reverberates through his head...)
(...and his eyes open wide in terror...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: EXT. COLONY ENTRANCE
(The entrance to the colony is a futuristic archway at the top of a short flight of steps. Two brightly illuminated pillars stand in welcome either side of the entrance. Cheerful music is being played as happy crowd of colonists, including a young man called QUESTA and two young girls called SUNNAA and CHICKI, are watching a DRUM MAJORETTE and her six assistants perform to the accompaniment of a band playing a chirpy synthesised electronic tune. Everyone seems happy. The leader of the colony, PILOT, turns to the organiser of the display, BARNEY. All of the people gathered wear uniform-like tunics.)
PILOT: Oh, splendid! Splendid! You've got a very good band there, Barney.
BARNEY: Thank you, Pilot
PILOT: Mind you, I don't say you'll come first at the festival, but never say die, hmm, what? Nothing succeeds like success, ha!
(He looks to the smiling people around him.)
PILOT: "If at first you don't succeed...?"
ALL: (Enthusiastically.) "...Try, try, try again!"
PILOT: That's right.
(There is a sudden commotion.)
OLA: (OOV.) Stop him! Don't let him get out!
BARNEY: What's the matter?
(MEDOK suddenly runs into view, bursting out of the colony. He is obviously being pursued. Wide-eyed, he struggles through the people gathered at the entrance, who try to hold him.)
QUESTA: Medok!
MEDOK: Let me go!
PILOT: Medok! This is very foolish of you Medok. It's for your own good.
MEDOK: Out of my way!
(MEDOK pulls himself from their grasps and runs off.)
PILOT: He's far too dangerous to be allowed to escape.
(OLA, a burly sinister man dressed in a dark uniform comes into pursuit, together with three guards. They wear helmets with mirrored glasses making them into faceless automatons. OLA stands between PILOT and BARNEY.)
OLA: (To his guards.) Get after him! (To a colonist.) You should have stopped him!
PILOT: What happened, Ola?
OLA: He refused treatment in front of my guards, so I dismissed them and he made a dash for it.
PILOT: Well get after him.
(OLA runs after his pursuing guards. PILOT watches them go.)
PILOT: (Concerned.) He must not get away!
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: EXT. OUTSIDE THE COLONY
(MEDOK runs through the featureless terrain, pursued by OLA and the guards. MEDOK hides in the rocks and grass, waiting for the guards to pass. They do so, but just as he starts to get up, MEDOK hears a strange noise. With engines grinding, the TARDIS materialises nearby. MEDOK observes in amazement. The DOCTOR, BEN, POLLY and JAMIE emerge. All of them seem jumpy and nervous because of the hideous claw they saw on the time scanner. JAMIE has even armed himself with a large stick, just in case. BEN comes up behind JAMIE and jumps him.)
BEN: Hey!
(POLLY and JAMIE turn round in shock.)
POLLY: Oh! Oh, Ben! For goodness sake!
BEN: Well, what's the big stick for Jamie? Nothing's happened yet.
JAMIE: Have you no sense? Have you forgot what we saw on that time scanner?
POLLY: Don't, it was horrible.
JAMIE: Aye, well, I'll not being left without nothing to defend ourselves with.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid you're wasting your time, Jamie.
JAMIE: Why?
DOCTOR: Unless I'm very much mistaken, these creatures are so big they're going to see us long before we see them.
(MEDOK emerges from his concealment and, seeing the stick that JAMIE carries, makes a run for him.)
POLLY: Look out Jamie!
BEN: Hang on, mate, I'll get him!
(MEDOK throws himself at JAMIE. BEN joins in the fracas. There is a huge commotion as the time travellers fight their single but strong attacker. They are struggling to hold the little man...)
JAMIE: Ben!
POLLY: Sit on top of him!
JAMIE: What are you doing? ... !
(...when OLA and his guards arrive and take MEDOK from the time travellers. He struggles in their grasp as the travellers dust themselves down. BEN holds him arm.)
POLLY: Ben, are you all right?
OLA: We don't know who you are, strangers, but we are grateful. Medok is one of our last patients in the Colony.
(He approaches the struggling but firmly held little man, sounding threatening.)
OLA: We've done our best for him but he gets worse day by day...
(He turns back to the travellers.)
OLA: I wasn't informed you were travelling across our territory.
(He snaps his fingers and a guard steps forward.)
OLA: Hurry back to the Colony and tell the Pilot what's happened.
(The guard leaves.)
BEN: Pilot?
OLA: Yes, the Pilot of our colony. No doubt he will want to thank you in person.
(He turns back to the guards who are trying to secure MEDOK.)
OLA: Tie him up tighter. Come on, tighter! I don't want any more trouble with him. Come on, I'll show you myself. Get out of...
(OLA pushes the guards to one side and proceeds to tie MEDOK himself. JAMIE turns to the DOCTOR.)
JAMIE: Er, uh, any good asking where we are?
DOCTOR: Well, according to my calculations we're, er, certainly in the future and, er, on a planet very like the Earth.
JAMIE: How do you know?
DOCTOR: I don't know. I'm guessing.
(OLA finishes tying up MEDOK and approaches the travellers.)
OLA: My name is Ola. I am the Chief of Police.
POLLY: That sounds very important.
OLA: Oh, it's a very responsible job. I take my instructions from our Control centre. Oh, it all works very well, as you will see. Please follow me.
DOCTOR: Oh, thank you.
(The DOCTOR turns to the guards who are tying up MEDOK)
DOCTOR: Ah, not too tight - it's bad for the blood pressure.
(He follows OLA and the others.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: EXT. COLONY ENTRANCE
(There is a signal tone and then cheerful music can be heard issuing from a loudspeaker, accompanied by the voices of high- pitched female singers.)
MUSIC: "Run, run, run, run...
Run, run, run, run! Thank you shift... Thank you shift... Number one! Time, time, time, time, Time to have fun! Thank you shift two, Thank you shift two, It's up to you!"
(The tune continues as OLA brings the time travellers up to the waiting PILOT.)
OLA: Pilot, these are the strangers that have helped us.
PILOT: Very well, Ola. I will look after our guests. You will no doubt wish to take care of poor Medok. You may leave.
(OLA leaves. The PILOT turns to the DOCTOR and his friends as the background music and slogans continue.)
PILOT: (Expansively.) Well, our thanks to you and welcome! You are indeed a brave man to tackle someone as disturbed as Medok.
DOCTOR: Well, it was nothing. Anyone would have done the same. Well this is gay! Why all the music?
PILOT: Oh, we regulate our day by music.
DOCTOR: Oh.
PILOT: Yes...
(The DOCTOR laughs.)
PILOT: ...and now my friends, I suggest you take advantage of our refreshing department.
BEN: Oh, lead me to it mate. I'm starving.
PILOT: Oh, you will eat later. Here we revive the weary body.
DOCTOR: Oh.
(PILOT leads the DOCTOR and BEN up the steps and into the colony. Following shortly behind them, JAMIE sidles up to POLLY looking round nervously.)
JAMIE: Keep your eyes skinned.
POLLY: Why? What's the matter?
JAMIE: Well, they're a weird sort of folk. I don't know that I understand them.
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. REFRESHING DEPARTMENT
(The refreshing department is a type of health spa, complete with attendants. Calming tonal music plays as a lady relaxes on a couch having her hair washed by SUNNAA, watched over by BARNEY. PILOT leads the travellers into the room.)
PILOT: Come along in, my friends, It's just through ... there.
(The travellers chat excitedly between themselves as they enter the room. BARNEY sees PILOT and approaches him in something of a panic.)
BARNEY: Pilot! Pilot! Control wish you to call them immediately. They wish to welcome our guests.
PILOT: Oh, but of course.
(He turns to a SUNNAA.)
PILOT: Switch on please, my dear.
(SUNNAA activates a control and a screen lights up. On the screen is a still image of the CONTROLLER. He is a handsome authoritative man.)
POLLY: Hey, who's that? He looks smashing.
PILOT: (Proudly.) That's our Controller.
(A five-note fanfare sounds. A voice, full of energy and authority, bursts from the speaker whilst the still image of the controller remains unchanged.)
CONTROL VOICE: We wish to welcome joyfully the visitors to our colony. We are very grateful to them. They have performed a valuable service. The Colony is to make our guests happy and contented during their stay. Welcome again, friends. Now, back to work, everyone!
(There is another fanfare to end the message.)
POLLY: Well that's great! I'm really going to enjoy myself.
PILOT: Splendid! And now my good friends, let me put you into the hands of our supervisor, Barney.
(PILOT gestures to BARNEY.)
PILOT: Dear old Barney, everybody calls him.
BARNEY: Well, thank you Pilot.
PILOT: And I must leave you for...work calls you know, and hard work never hurt anybody.
(They all laugh except for a sullen JAMIE.)
PILOT: Till later!
(He leaves. BARNEY turns to his charges.)
BARNEY: Delighted to see you. Delighted to have you with us. Now you have a complete choice of all our treatments. We have steam baths, beauty treatments, perhaps a massage. (To the DOCTOR.) You sir, of course, would like your clothes cleaned.
(The DOCTOR'S smile instantly disappears - to the amusement of his companions. BARNEY does not notice.)
BARNEY: And there's sunlight treatment, moonlight treatment, sparkling and effervescent sprays...
DOCTOR: (Indignantly.) I feel perfectly all right as I am, thank you.
(POLLY and BEN disagree.)
POLLY: Ah, go on Doctor. Don't be such a drag. It all looks super. (To BARNEY.) Please, may I have a shampoo?
BARNEY: Shampoo, of course, for the young lady.
POLLY: Thanks very much.
(POLLY is led away by an assistant. BARNEY turns to BEN and JAMIE.)
BARNEY: And for the young gentlemen, our very latest treatment in our cubicles over there.
(The DOCTOR takes his turn to laugh at the expression of horror on JAMIE'S face.)
JAMIE: Me? Oh, hey, you're not going to do that to me. I'm no lassie.
(Two female assistants take JAMIE away. Laughing BEN looks at his own waiting female assistants and laughs.)
BEN: It's no good, Jamie, the lassies have got you! And believe me mate, I'm not going to struggle.
(BEN is led away. The DOCTOR continues to laugh. BARNEY turns to him.)
BARNEY: And now sir, for you...
(The DOCTOR'S laugh disappears...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. REFRESHING DEPARTMENT (LATER)
(POLLY has returned with her blonde hair now cut shorter and wearing new clothes.)
BARNEY: Oh, very nice. Very nice indeed. You must certainly be the most beautiful young lady in our Colony and are quite sure to be elected our next beauty president.
POLLY: (Embarrassed.) Thank you very much.
BARNEY: Oh, not at all. It's all part of our service.
(BARNEY walks over to where BEN, wearing goggles, is sat underneath a sun lamp and receiving a shoulder massage.)
BARNEY: To your liking sir?
BEN: Ah, marvellous. Like being at anchor in the Med.
BARNEY: Some protective oils for our guests and a little suntan.
BEN: Ha ha! This is the life.
(BARNEY steps over to where JAMIE is being dealt with by his two female attendants. He wears a similar uniform to that worn by the other colonists and is having his hair stroked into place.)
JAMIE: Hey mister, would you call the ladies off? I'm frightened what they might do to me.
BARNEY: But you look charming, sir. Charming.
JAMIE: That's what I'm frightened of.
(BARNEY moves off again to a large square machine from the top of which emerges the DOCTOR'S head. His hair is immaculate. Electronic noises emerge from the machine.)
DOCTOR: Please get me out of here! I'm done to a turn!
(BARNEY changes a control.)
BARNEY: Clothes reviver.
DOCTOR: My clothes don't need reviving!
(The electronic noises change and a steam press type noise can be heard...)
BARNEY: Oh, while we're about it, sir...and off.
(He turns a switch, the doors of the machine open and an immaculate DOCTOR emerges, neatly groomed and tidy. Even his shoes sport a shine. His companions laugh.)
POLLY: Oh, Doctor. You look gorgeous!
DOCTOR: Oh, my shoes!
BEN: Oh, they're fantastic. You can see your face in them.
DOCTOR: Precisely. Who wants to see their face in a pair of suede shoes?
(He points to another machine.)
DOCTOR: What's this one?
BARNEY: Oh, that, sir, is our rough and tumble machine, for toning up the muscles.
DOCTOR: Exactly what I need!
(He activates a control.)
DOCTOR: Full on!
BARNEY: Oh, but no, sir! No!
(The DOCTOR throws himself into the machine, despite the protests of his companions. The machine hums and buzzes.)
POLLY: Turn it off.
BEN: Come out of it!
POLLY: Come out of it, Doctor.
(The machine stops and the DOCTOR emerges.)
DOCTOR: Oh, oh, I feel better. Oh, that's what I need.
(He is messy and crumpled once more. JAMIE returns, immaculately groomed.)
POLLY: (To JAMIE.) Oh, you look smashing. You really do. You look like a prince. Jamie that's super. It really is.
(JAMIE doesn't look impressed.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: EXT. COLONY ENTRANCE
(OLA and some guards enter with MEDOK still under restraint. A group of colonists watch at a distance...)
OLA: Come on, move back! This prisoner's not to be trusted. He's violent and suffering from delusions.
MEDOK: I'm not the one suffering from delusions, it's you! All of you! You don't know what's happening in this Colony!
OLA: Be quiet Medok!
MEDOK: There's only one way to silence me, Ola.
(One of the crowd, the man called QUESTA, who was at the band rehearsal earlier, steps forward as OLA, MEDOK and the guards pass.)
QUESTA: Medok, old fellow, it's Questa. Remember me? What's happened to you?
OLA: It's no good. You can't reason with him.
QUESTA: Just a minute. He's an old friend. One of the best.
OLA: (Contemptuously.) Ha!
QUESTA: He's as cheerful as any of us. Medok, what's happened to you? What's all this about you seeing things?
MEDOK: I don't see things Questa, you fool! There are things...horrible things...creatures, infesting this camp at night.
OLA: That's enough! (To QUESTA.) Have you seen the Pilot?
QUESTA: He's with the strangers. I've no idea where they are.
(There is a sudden fanfare from a speaker heralding an announcement. The assembled people stop to listen.)
BROADCAST VOICE: Back to work! Shift rest is over! No time to be lost! The Colony needs you! Preparation to be made for tonight's reception - a welcome for the strangers!
QUESTA: (Happily.) A reception tonight! A Colony party! Medok, join in with the rest of us, like you used to.
BROADCAST VOICE: It will be fun for all!
(A fanfare ends the announcement.)
QUESTA: You hear that Medok, fun for all.
MEDOK: All right! Have fun while you can, before they crawl all over you!
OLA: That's enough! Right, get back all of you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. REFRESHING DEPARTMENT
(The DOCTOR sees MEDOK in the refreshing department, still bound and escorted by OLA and the guards. With a set of keys, they are unlocking a cell door.)
DOCTOR: There you are. I wondered what had happened to you.
MEDOK: I don't know you. You don't belong here.
DOCTOR: Do you belong here?
MEDOK: No, not any more.
OLA: We don't talk to him. He sees things. Come on Medok.
(OLA pushes MEDOK into a room and locks the door. As soon as OLA is gone, the DOCTOR starts picking the lock. He is surprised by SUNNAA.)
SUNNAA: Can I help you?
DOCTOR: (Surprised.) What? Oh, no. No, it's all right, thank you. I... (Coughs.) ...I just thought I'd dropped something, that's all.
(She leaves. The DOCTOR watches her go and then turns back to the door. He manages to pick the lock, opens the door and enters the cell.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. MEDOK'S CELL
(MEDOK is alarmed at the sight of the DOCTOR.)
MEDOK: Ha! What's ... ?
DOCTOR: Shh, I'm going to set you free.
(He begins untying MEDOK)
DOCTOR: Just hold still a minute. There we are. One more.
(He takes off MEDOK'S bonds.)
DOCTOR: Don't bother to say thank you. Now, tell me something about these things that you see, hmm? Do they, for instance, appear to crawl slowly over the ground?
MEDOK: How do you know?
DOCTOR: Oh, just wondered that's all.
(Despite his freedom, MEDOK is very nervous and jumpy.)
MEDOK: Listen!
DOCTOR: (Pauses.) I don't hear anything.
MEDOK: Someone's coming.
(He turns to run.)
DOCTOR: It's all right, I won't let them hurt you.
MEDOK: (Incredulously.) Get out of my way!
DOCTOR: Why don't you listen to me?
MEDOK: I am not being caught!
(MEDOK pushes the DOCTOR and runs from the cell. Immediately an alarm sounds.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. REFRESHING DEPARTMENT
(OLA is in the corridor. He sees MEDOK running.)
OLA: Stop him! Don't let him escape!
(But MEDOK already has.)
OLA: How did he get away? Who's responsible?
(PILOT, BEN, POLLY and JAMIE come running up. They enter the open cell...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. MEDOK'S CELL
(...where the DOCTOR waits.)
PILOT: What happened?
DOCTOR: I... I told him he wouldn't get hurt and he wouldn't believe me.
PILOT: You mean you let him go?
DOCTOR: Well, no, not exactly.
OLA: He let the prisoner escape. That is a crime in this Colony. For that, men must work in the pit. Guard!
POLLY: You can't touch him. He doesn't know your laws!
PILOT: Er, that's true, Ola. He is a stranger here.
DOCTOR: There's something else you're forgetting gentlemen - I set free someone that we caught in the first place.
PILOT: True - a reasonable point of view, Ola.
OLA: Medok is dangerous. He should have never let him go. The Colony will be petrified when they know he's out there in the night.
PILOT: Well, send your patrol after him. He can't have got far.
DOCTOR: He can run you know. He's got legs. He doesn't have to crawl over the ground.
OLA: (Agitated.) Why did you say that?
DOCTOR: Why, no reason. No reason at all.
OLA: Anyone who spreads that kind of rumour in this Colony will find himself in the hospital for correction.
DOCTOR: Oh...oh, that's where Medok is, is it?
PILOT: I think, Doctor, you will understand more about Medok if you talk to some of the people who knew him best.
OLA: Pilot, I think...
PILOT: (Interrupts.) Now take the strangers to the labour centre Ola. See they learn something about us. (To the DOCTOR.) Please, go with him.
DOCTOR: Oh, well thank you.
(The DOCTOR'S party leaves the room and goes with OLA, leaving a worried-looking PILOT behind.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE
(MEDOK is hiding in the shadows of the shoring timbers of what looks like a construction site. The DOCTOR and his party are led through by OLA. The DOCTOR sees something there and realises that it is the fugitive.)
OLA: What is it?
DOCTOR: Nothing, come on.
(He moves off before OLA can get suspicious.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. LABOUR CENTRE
(In the labour centre, a number of colonists sit at desks carrying out various duties on a console that includes a chequered board and adjusting controls. A fanfare sounds stopping the group in their tracks as they look up at the still image of the CONTROLLER and listen to his announcement.)
CONTROL VOICE: This is your Controller speaking. There is no need for alarm. You may all continue your work and play, confident that the best is being done for you. But our unfortunate companion Medok has been allowed to escape. Emergency Patrols two and three are now searching the Colony and he is sure to be caught before it is dark. Now return to your work and play with fresh heart and renewed energy!
(Another fanfare sounds. The DOCTOR'S party have entered the room.)
BEN: They got that bloke all over the place like a blinking politician.
(ALVIS, the young man in charge, steps forward.)
ALVIS: He is our controller. We are always pleased to see him. He brings us encouragement.
BEN: Oh, he's not a politician then!
(Another fanfare.)
BROADCAST VOICE: Number nine shift to stand by. Leader to report to Youth Centre.
ALVIS: Work shift ready to leave.
(A Jingle suddenly plays out of the loudspeakers.)
MUSIC: "We're happy to work, Happy to play, ... "
JAMIE: That's a nice wee tune Doctor.
BEN: Yeah, if you happen to like work.
OLA: It's a privilege to work for the Colony.
(QUESTA enters and goes up to ALVIS.)
QUESTA: Shift leader reporting: Shift number nine, all present and correct.
ALVIS: Good. You're the first of the night shift.
JAMIE: Uh, what do ye do then? Farming or fishing?
ALVIS: We work very hard here.
DOCTOR: Yes, but what do you do?
ALVIS: We tap and refine gas.
POLLY: For heating?
OLA: No, we use it for many things. The Colony depends on it. It's absolutely essen...
(An alarm sounds. Two workers stagger in through a glass door from the pit-head. The colonists rush forward to help.)
OLA: Emergency! Quick, give me that! Come on!
(He helps the injured men.)
ALVIS: (Into intercom.) Accident! Stand by, oxygen supply. (To OLA.) Take them away. Any other losses?
OLA: Two with gas sickness. Come on.
(He leads the injured men away.)
BEN: What happened?
ALVIS: Their work. It can't be helped. The work must be done.
POLLY: Do you hear that, Doctor?
(She looks round but realises that he is no longer with them.)
POLLY: Where's he gone?
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE
(The DOCTOR has returned to the construction site and finds MEDOK in the shadows of a building that is partially erected. The man is still frightened and nervous.)
DOCTOR: Shh! I saw you.
MEDOK: Get out!
DOCTOR: Oh, that's not very polite. I was interested in what you were saying.
MEDOK: Who else knows I'm here?
DOCTOR: No one. Why should I tell them? Now these creatures - have you seen them clearly? What do they look like?
MEDOK: What has it to do with you?
DOCTOR: Well, I'm interested. What do they look like?
MEDOK: All right. If you really want to know. It's hard to say. They move at night, in the dark. And look horrible. Creatures...like giant insects.
DOCTOR: With big claws?
MEDOK: Yes, that's it.
DOCTOR: You've seen them in the Colony?
MEDOK: Oh yes.
DOCTOR: Has anyone else seen them?
MEDOK: A few, but they've lock them up in the correction hospital.
DOCTOR: Why do they do that?
MEDOK: Control tells them to. They'll put me back there when they catch me.
(The alarm is heard in the distance)
MEDOK: And they'll put you back there for helping me.
BEN AND JAMIE: (OOV.) Doctor! Doctor!
MEDOK: Go on! Quickly! They're looking for you!
BEN: (OOV.) Doctor!
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. REFRESHING DEPARTMENT
(The alarm sounds throughout the refreshing department. BEN and JAMIE have returned and are talking with POLLY.)
POLLY: But we searched there, I'm sure.
JAMIE: Aye.
(The DOCTOR'S recorder can be heard. The man himself walks into view, playing his instrument.)
DOCTOR: Were you looking for me?
POLLY: Where have you been?
DOCTOR: I'm just looking around, that's all.
OLA: It's dangerous to go off on your own after dark.
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm used to the dark. I like it.
(The alarm ends...)
OLA: We're confined to rest cubicles at night by order of Control. Anyone who wanders around the Colony at night...may be killed.
(There is a fanfare, interrupting OLA'S threat.)
CONTROL VOICE: Curfew time. All personnel not on duty must retire to quarters.
OLA: Do you hear that?
CONTROL VOICE: Emergency patrols two and three to remain on duty. Work shifts to remain at their posts until dawn. Visitors to retire for the night to the refreshing department.
(Another fanfare)
OLA: That's you. You're confined here.
(He walks out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. REFRESHING DEPARTMENT. DOCTOR'S CUBICLE (NIGHT)
(BARNEY shows the DOCTOR to his room in the refreshing department.)
BARNEY: Here we are, Doctor.
(He points to other doors.)
BARNEY: Your young friends are in their rooms over there.
DOCTOR: Thank you.
BARNEY: I, er, I hope you sleep well.
DOCTOR: Oh, I'm sure I will. Thank you. Goodnight.
BARNEY: Goodnight, Doctor.
(BARNEY leaves sliding the door shut behind him. The DOCTOR listens at the door, slides it open and leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. REFRESHING DEPARTMENT (NIGHT)
(The DOCTOR starts to leave the colony through the refreshing department. A fanfare precedes an announcement. The DOCTOR looks at the image on the screen that dominates the darkened room.)
CONTROL VOICE: It is now dark. No one will go outside into the Colony. A dangerous man is in hiding. Our patrols have orders to shoot on sight. Happy sleep time everybody.
(There is another fanfare)
DOCTOR: And the same to you!
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: EXT. COLONY (NIGHT)
(Strange noises disturb the night air as a patrol of guards march past.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE (NIGHT)
(The strange noises can still be heard as the DOCTOR enters the darkened construction site. He hides in the shadows as the guards and OLA enter the construction site. )
OLA: Patrol two over here, Patrol three follow me. If you see him, shoot to kill.
(The guards move off and the DOCTOR moves over to one of the new buildings where MEDOK is hidden. The little man is still nervous and jumpy as the DOCTOR approaches.)
OLA: (OOV.) I'll have a look over there.
DOCTOR: (To MEDOK.) It's all right. It's me. Stay where you are.
MEDOK: Why are you back?
DOCTOR: Don't move.
OLA: (OOV.) Have a look in those new houses they're building.
MEDOK: He's coming! We'll have to get out!
(MEDOK is about to run off but the DOCTOR holds him back.)
DOCTOR: Wait! If he comes in this way, we'll go out the back. If he comes in the back, we'll go out here.
MEDOK: He's coming...to the front of the house.
(Outside the construction, OLA calls his guards...)
OLA: Over here. I heard something.
(Inside the construction...)
DOCTOR: All right. Go back.
MEDOK: You can't stay here.
DOCTOR: I'll try to create a diversion.
MEDOK: No, they'll kill you!
DOCTOR: Do as I tell you.
MEDOK: (Considers, then...) Thanks.
DOCTOR: Go on. Go on.
(He pushes him towards the rear of the room. They reach an opening at the back of the construction.)
DOCTOR: All right, we'll go through this opening when I give the word.
(He checks that the coast is clear then...)
DOCTOR: Right. Now!
(The DOCTOR is about to jump through the hole but MEDOK grabs him back...)
MEDOK: No, look. Out there.
DOCTOR: I don't see anything.
MEDOK: In that patch of moonlight. I told you I'd seen them!
(The DOCTOR looks where MEDOK is pointing. In the patch of light is a hideous crab-like creature with giant claws similar to that seen on the TARDIS scanner and luminous eyes on stalks...) | Plan: A: a holiday camp company; Q: Where does the TARDIS arrive? A: the crew; Q: Who is worried about giant crabs? A: the Doctor; Q: Who is interested in the stories of creatures that roam the colony at night? A: Medok; Q: Who is the madman who tells the Doctor about creatures that roam the colony at night? Summary: The TARDIS arrives at a holiday camp company with the crew worried by a prediction of giant crabs and the Doctor becomes interested in the apparent madman Medok's stories of creatures that roam the colony at night. |
"Summer of '47" 26th Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 2ADA04
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The episode begins with the four aliens in the granolith chamber)
Tess: Sounds like the fluorescent lights in bio lab.
Michael: Did Nasedo ever mention a rock collection?
Tess: Do you think it can hear us?
Max: We'll come back after school.
(At school, Michael and Max are walking through the halls)
Max: After ninth period, we'll go back.
Michael: Way to prioritize, Maxwell.
(Maria walks up to Michael)
Maria: Hey. New gel? So, um, Portishead tickets went on sale this morning. Did you get my messages?
Michael: Yeah.
(Michael keeps walking)
Max: Nice.
Michael: Hey, our agenda involves the four of us. There is no time for distractions.
(Liz walks up to Max)
Liz: Oh, Max...look, I don't know what to do. Calls keep on coming into Congresswoman Whitaker's office. Should I return them or...
Michael: Not now.
Liz (to Max): We'll talk in trig.
Max (to Michael): You know, mean people suck.
(Michael's history teacher walks up to him)
History Teacher: Mr. Guerin, true or false? We're not even a month into the semester, and you're already failing my class. This is a new record.
Michael: To be perfectly blunt with you, sir, World War II just doesn't do it for me.
History Teacher: Well, try doing this. The 509th bomb group is in town this week for a reunion. Your biographical account of one veteran's wartime experience will be on my desk by 5 o'clock.
Michael: Old people creep me out.
History Teacher: Ha. Then think of them as living history.
(Michael is sitting at a table, interviewing Hal Carver, one of the members of the 509th bomb group)
Michael: What was World War II like?
Hal: What do you think?
Michael: Ok, moving on. Uh, Roswell...how is it different now than it was back then?
Hal: I don't know. I haven't darkened her doors since '47.
Michael: Look, Hal...
Hal: Captain Carver.
Michael: Captain Carver. Let's make this easy. Why don't you give me a few good details that I can put in this little notebook of mine. Then I'll just copy the rest out of a book.
Hal: Well, when the going gets rough, resort to plagiarism, huh? You kids today are softer than soap. You ever heard of, uh, Omaha Beach or the V-1 flying bomb, Yalta, Jane Russell? I mean, have you ever...
Michael: Taken my teeth out to brush them?
Hal: What'd you just say?
(There is a flyer on the table. Michael takes a look at it)
Michael: B-17G.
Hal: That's a flying fortress. You like planes?
Michael: You could say I was born to fly.
Hal: So was I. That's my picture there.
Michael: So, why did you leave in '47?
Hal: Don't you know what happened that year?
Michael: Aliens crashed. Humans went bonkers.
Hal: Yeah. Think you could've handled that? I mean, you had survivors running loose in the streets.
Michael: Sounds terrifying. 4 feet tall, silver suits, no hair. Very scary.
Hal: That's what the crackpots that wrote the books wanted you to believe.
Michael: Look, it's all just a bunch of crazy...
Hal: We weren't crazy. We were lied to.
Michael: Whatever.
Hal: Hey, look, kid. I'm not one of your hoodlum friends. You better start showing me a little respect, or I'll kick your ass through this door.
Michael: Well, let me save you the effort. I'm just gonna take this. Then I'll be out of your hair, ok?
Hal: They have black eyes. Empty. Vacant. Ageless. You gonna stand there like some slack-jawed simpleton, or do you want to learn something?
Michael: You're gonna teach me about aliens?
(Hal nods)
Michael: Ok, let's hear it.
Hal (V.O.): You know, these sissies today that complain about global warming should have to spend a New Mexico summer on a military base without any air conditioning. In those days, you could write an invoice without depending on Bill Gates. Women had curves. Something you could hold on to. Me, I was a 21-year-old know-it-all. Well, a little joy-ride that May still had me grounded in a dead-end desk job. What can I say? I was nuts about the girl, and she wanted to see Hoover Dam from 3,000 feet.
(Scene is now a military office back in 1947. Michael is playing the role of Hal Carver. The phone rings)
Man: Carver, get the phone.
Hal (V.O.): So, after 3 years of army cots and cheap cigarettes, I was gonna do things my way.
Man: Carver, wake up. This isn't kindergarten.
Hal: And my way was trouble.
Man: Hal!
Hal: 509th, Carver.
Jesse: Is this line secure?
Hal: Far as I know.
Jesse: There's been a crash.
Hal: What? Who?
Jesse: Don't know, but it's definitely not one of ours.
(Opening credits)
(At Hal's motel room, Hal continues to tell his story while Michael is doodling in his notepad)
Hal: Excitement in these parts was about as common as pink elephants, but when Jesse Marcel placed that call, the whole place was buzzing in a heartbeat.
Michael: Interesting.
(Michael motions to Hal's gun)
Michael: Do you always travel with that thing?
Hal: Better be safe than sorry. You know, some people thought maybe it was a glider or a test missile, but my money was always on the Commies, you know? Hey, you listening to me?! What's with that hair of yours, anyway?
Michael: The chicks dig it, grandpa.
Hal: In my day we wore it high and tight. You know, classic, respectful.
Michael: Really? I thought you said you were all about trouble?
(Back to 1947. Max is playing the role of Richard Dodie, Hal's friend. Hal and Richie arrive at a military base)
Hal (V.O.): They sent me and Richard Dodie out to the crash site some 30-odd miles from base. Dodie and I stopped along the way for a couple of zagnuts. By the time we got there, the place was buzzing. Richard was a good guy. He really was. He was a buddy of mine that worked in the office with me, but he has a tendency to get his skivvies all up in a bunch.
Richie: Next time you need a candy bar, maybe you could wait until after the mission.
Hal: I'm telling you, Richie, that gal behind the counter was hot to trot. She gave me 2 zagnuts for the price of one. And she's got a sister coming in from...
Richie: Not interested.
Hal: We're talking corn-fed ladies, Richie.
(Hal and Richie see the crash site)
Hal: Holy...
Richie: Jiminy Christmas. Looks too small to be a B-29.
Hal: That's no plane I've ever seen.
(Colonel Cassidy sees Hal and Richie and yells at them. Sheriff Valenti plays the role of Colonel Cassidy. Kyle plays the role of Deputy Valenti)
Cassidy: Hey! Willie and Joe!
Hal (V.O.): Colonel James Cassidy was the kind of guy that hated guys like me, and that suited me just fine, because I loved taking on blockheads like him.
Cassidy: A little late to be making yourselves useful, don't you think?
Hal: Dodie here was hungry, sir.
Richie: Sir, I, uh...
Cassidy: Stick a cork in it, Dodie.
Hal: What are they collecting, sir?
Cassidy: When that's your business, I'll let you know.
Soldier: Hey, Colonel! Over here!
Cassidy: All right, check in with Smith, then get down there and help out. I'll give you "hungry".
Richie: Real funny.
Hal: Sure is, Rich. Risk your can over Frankfurt and Deuren, emergency land a B-17 in England without putting a scratch on her, and now they treat us like maids.
Richie: Orders are orders. Think it could be experimental aircraft?
Soldier: Hey, be careful with that!
(One of the soldiers is loading stuff into a truck. A thin shiny object falls to the ground. Hal picks it up and crumples it in his hands. The object reverts back to its original shape)
Hal: Get a look at this. Bet you people would pay good money to see this.
Richie: Keep messing around, Hal, and neither one of us is gonna see the inside of a cockpit again.
(Betty Osorio, a reporter, is trying to get information about the crash. Maria plays the role of Betty)
Betty: I'm not taking no for an answer. This is the U.S. Army. Someone is always in charge.
Hal (V.O.): I live by one simple rule when it comes to women - a great voice equals great gams.
Deputy Valenti: Miss Osorio, please, I told you...
Betty: These are press credentials from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, guys. What am I saying? Fort Worth may as well be Burma to you people. Who's in charge here? Colonel, rumor at the local radio station says you folks got yourselves a flying saucer. Any comment?
Cassidy: This is a restricted area. Get her out of here, Deputy Valenti.
Betty: Uh-uh. I have permission to be here. I want some answers. George, snap some shots. Snap some shots!
Cassidy: Get the camera.
Betty: Hey. Hey! You put one scratch on that lens and I'm billing Uncle Sam.
Cassidy: Now, Deputy!
Betty: Welcome back from the war, Colonel. In case you forgot, we still have the First Amendment here. Get your hands off me. I said, get your hands off me.
(Betty is escorted away. Captain Sheridan Cavitt approaches Hal. Alex plays the role of Cavitt)
Hal (V.O.): Our senior counter-intelligence agent, Captain Sheridan Cavitt, was known around the base as Mr. Brain. So I guess when you're lacking in other assets, you've got to trump up the one you've got.
Cavitt: Captain. You see that troop truck? Take it directly to hangar 20. No stops. No questions. I don't care if a family of 4 is bleeding on the roadside.
Hal: But Roswell needs all the tourists it can get, Captain.
Cavitt: Get another man and head out!
(Back to present day Roswell)
Michael: I know the rest. The feds made Marcel the scapegoat. Blamed the crash on a weather balloon. And it was all Cavitt's idea if I remember correctly.
Hal: That pencil neck. Where did you hear that?
Michael: I've been reading UFO magazines since I was 8.
Hal: So you want to believe.
Michael: You shouldn't smoke.
Hal: Look, kid, my doctor says it doesn't make any difference what I do.
Michael: Is that why you came back here?
Hal: War has a tendency to create an incredible bond between men. You know what? Some of the best days of my life were spent right here on this base alongside the boys of the 509th. So I guess this...is just my last chance to say good-bye.
(Michael sees a man having trouble fitting into his old uniform)
Michael: Do you still fit into yours?
Hal: The longer I sit here, the harder it is to think that I could put one on.
Michael: Why is that?
Hal: 'Cause everything I believe that uniform stood for died in '47.
(Hal tosses Michael the strange object he found in 1947. It was crumpled when Michael caught it, but immediately straightens out in his hand)
Hal: Hey. A little something from way back when.
(Back to 1947. Hal and Richie are driving the truck with the crash debris to Hangar 20)
Richie: You think that reporter's onto something?
Hal: She needs an exclusive, plain and simple. Why? Do you think she's onto something?
Richie: I didn't until an intelligence officer ordered us to keep our mouths shut.
Hal: Forget Cavitt. After Sunday dinner, he probably debriefs his own mother. I love this country.
Richie: What if something's really out there...capable of destroying us? Destroying everything?
Hal: Don't worry, Richie. You're still gonna get your wife and your white picket fence and your backyard barbecue...
(The truck starts to slow down)
Richie: Why are you slowing down?
Hal: What the...
Hal (V.O.): At that moment some strange force seemed to take control of the truck.
(Hal looks ahead and sees a glowing white person in front of the truck. Hal appears to run it over with the truck)
Richie: Oh, my God.
Hal: Check under the truck!
(Richie takes a look in the back of the truck and sees a glowing, red, pulsating pod)
Richie: Hal!
(Hal rushes back to the truck. Both Hal and Richie are stunned at what they see)
(Scene changes to a bar. It's a hangout area for the military personnel)
Man at Bar: My cousin in the fire department said he saw a crashed disc.
Woman at Bar: Reverend Deaton's calling it the end of the world.
Bartender: I say it's just the beginning. Once these fly-boys leave, we got nothing to keep this town alive.
Man at Bar: But think of the possibilities. Roswell, New Mexico - home of the little green men.
(Hal and Richie are sitting at a table)
Hal: They were glowing, right?
Richie: I wasn't...wasn't seeing things?
Hal: We should have asked what they were.
Richie: Before or after Cassidy bawled us out for being 15 minutes late? Maybe they're waiting to see if they're friendly.
Hal: Hell with that. We should be in the air right now, blasting whatever dropped those things to kingdom come.
Richie: This isn't a John Wayne picture. When it's time to act, they'll tell us. Your round. I'm going to hit the hay.
(Richie gets up and leaves. Hal walks over to the counter to pay for the drinks)
Hal: 2, Pete.
Betty: You're one of the guys at the debris field.
Hal: You're that little lady who got hauled off by the cops. No cuff marks on your pretty wrists, I see.
Betty: Oh, I prefer the term "police escort". Betty Osorio. Fort Worth Star-Telegram.
Hal: Hal Carver. No comment.
Betty: How about a drink then?
Hal: How about your phone number?
Betty: Hmmm...something tells me you don't call.
Hal: Something tells me this time I will.
Betty: At the field you were given a special assignment. What was in the truck?
Hal: Sweetheart, you just had to go and ruin our fun.
Betty: Wait, what were you saying about blowing something to kingdom come?
Hal: Well, I can't tell you about that, because if I did...then they'd have to kill you.
(Hal goes back to the table and sit down. Cavitt, who saw Hal talking to Betty, immediately sits down at the table)
Cavitt: What the hell are you doing talking to that reporter?
Hal: She was looking for a free drink, Cavitt. When she realized I wasn't buying, she moved on.
Cavitt: The press can't be trusted. They ruined Major Marcel's good name in less than a day.
Hal: Well, in case you didn't hear, Marcel told the world he found a flying saucer.
Cavitt: Correction - a weather balloon. Keep away from her.
Hal: Go find a dame to bother, Cavitt.
(Scene shifts to Rosemary's bedroom. Isabel plays the role of Rosemary, Hal's girlfriend)
Hal (V.O.): Around this time I had this girl I used to go with, only she wasn't a girl. She was a woman. Rosemary had been widowed once and divorced twice...all before her 25th birthday, and our relationship was simple pleasure.
Hal: The cabaret girls in Nice do that.
Rosemary: I guess it's not the only thing we do in common. You left your socks here.
Hal: They're not mine.
Rosemary: Well.
Hal: So you want to hear about my day?
Rosemary: Absolutely not.
(Rosemary walks over to Hal and sits on his lap)
Hal: That's my girl.
(They start making out)
(Hal sees someone outside watching them)
Hal: Hey! Get on outta here!
(Back to present-day Roswell. Hal and Michael are at the Crashdown eating lunch)
Maria: Would you like some fries with that shake?
Hal: Give me another one, sweet cheeks.
Maria: That'll be your third banana split, sir.
Michael: What are you, the dairy police? We're in the middle of a story here.
Maria: Oh, yeah, I'm not the one sitting next to an ancient gastrointestinal tract, pally.
Hal: Get the check. I'll tell you the rest later.
Michael: You're gonna be at the reunion later.
Hal: To tell you the truth, kid, I don't know if I want to go anymore.
Michael: The day's young. We'll go hit some of your old haunts.
Hal: Well, you got wheels?
(Michael goes into the back and asks Maria for a favor)
Michael: I need a favor.
Maria: First off, phone protocol works like this. Ready? Messenger leaves message. Then messengee calls back unless messengee is deathly ill, grounded, or just a jerk.
Michael: Look, I came in here because...
Maria: I would like to think that I've been patient, the epitome of restraint...but for God's sake, Michael, she's not even a real blonde.
Michael: Who?
Maria: Let me set the scene for you, all right? You. Courtney. The dark alley back there. Me controlling the urge to spew.
Michael: Look, this whole jealousy thing is getting a little tired. Just accept the fact that I'm an alien. You're human. Our lives do not mix.
Maria: Well, you made the exception for bottle job and old man river out there.
Michael: Ok, that man out there knows stuff about the '47 crash. All right? Stuff specific to me. Ok. So I want to take him around. I want to jog his memory, and to do that, I need the Jetta.
Maria: I'm sorry. When humans need rides, they take Jettas. And when aliens need rides, they take spaceships. Oh! Find one.
Michael: Hey, Maria...hanging out with this guy is gonna help him a lot more than it's gonna help me. Can't you just make an old guy's day?
Maria: You know what? I am only doing this because I forever regretted not saying good-bye to Breepa De Luca before he died.
Michael: Put lunch on my tab, and don't forget the senior discount.
Maria: Jerk!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Back to 1947. Hal meets Betty at a restaurant)
Betty: Morning, Captain.
Hal: You sure you want to meet here, Miss Osorio? Because the hotel coffee shop across the street serves a swell cherry danish.
Betty: We're right over here.
(Betty leads Hal to one of the booths. Yvonne White, played by Liz, is waiting for them)
Betty: Hal Carver, this is Yvonne White. She's a nurse at the base.
Yvonne: Thanks for meeting me.
Hal: What is this?
Betty: Yvonne came to me because she saw things, things she can't explain. So I thought between the two of you...
Hal (to Yvonne): I'm sorry, ma'am. It was very nice to meet you, but I can't stay.
Hal (to Betty): Don't call me again.
Betty: Just hear her out.
Hal: I came here because I thought this was a date.
Betty: Carver, I'm flattered, but would you just see if your stories match?
Hal: Why don't you write this in that notepad of yours? It was a weather balloon.
Betty: You don't believe that. And if extraterrestrials landed in Roswell, Americans have the right to know.
Hal: You're not patriotic. You are just hard up for a front-page headline.
Betty: That is no way to speak to a lady.
Hal: Well, you point one out and I'll watch my language.
(Hal goes back to Rosemary's place and finds Deputy Valenti there)
Hal: Babe, you wouldn't believe...Jim.
Jim: Hal.
Hal: Were the socks his?
Rosemary: The military police were here. Deputy Valenti was helping me clean up. I tried calling you at the base, but the switchboard was busy.
(Hal arrives at the office very upset. He storms into Colonel Cassidy's office. Dixie, Cassidy's secretary greets him. Tess plays the role of Dixie)
Dixie: Hi, Hal. Hal!
Hal: Why were MPs at my girlfriend's house?
Dixie: Sorry, sir. I couldn't stop him.
Cassidy: It's ok, Dixie. Shut the door.
Dixie: Yes, sir.
Hal: She is a civilian, Colonel.
Cassidy: Captain, you might want to think about dropping that tone. Where have you been all morning? Parker's doesn't serve until 11am.
Hal: So now you're following me?
Cassidy: You were told to stay away from that reporter.
Hal: That's a violation of my rights!
Cassidy: Do you realize how many first lieutenants are just waiting to slide into the cockpits of B-29s? You want to get back in the air? Then you will shut up, stay on base, and finish out your suspension in a compliant manner! Are we clear?!
Hal: Yes, sir.
Cassidy: Are we clear?!
Hal: Yes, sir!
Cassidy: Telegrams and letters have to be sent to the families of 2 privates - Fifer and McCarthy. They were killed this morning in a jeep accident. Here are the details. You handle it. Dismissed.
(Hal goes to his desk and throws his lamp into the wall. He goes to a phone booth and calls Yvonne White)
Hal: Operator. Yvonne white. Women's barracks.
Yvonne: Hello?
Hal: Yvonne, it's Hal Carver from earlier today. Maybe we should talk without that damn reporter around.
Yvonne: I can't. I've been transferred to London. I'm catching a bus to the airport tonight.
Hal: Wait there.
(Yvonne and Hal meet inside his car. It's raining heavily outside)
Yvonne: Two cadavers just like this.
Hal: Who was running the show?
Yvonne: Doctors I'd never seen before. They pulled me in to help with the autopsy. There's no way these things were even mammal. The epidermis, hands, organs - they were nothing I'd ever seen.
Hal: No one would tell you what you saw?
Yvonne: Afterwards some high-ranking general from Wright Field debriefed me. He said I couldn't talk about it.
Hal: Why did you call betty?
Yvonne: She wanted to listen. I can't sleep, Captain. I want to get as far away from Roswell as possible...to try and forget I was ever here.
Hal: Good luck, then.
(Yvonne leaves and heads for the nearby bus. Suddenly, there is a loud scream. Hal rushes out)
Hal: Where's the girl? The nurse that was here?
Driver: There's no nurse here, pal.
(Hal goes back to the office)
Dixie: Well, look what the cat dragged in.
Hal: Listen, Dixie, how could I locate a troop transport plane going to London?
Dixie: Look, whatever you're after, I think you should drop it. People are saying you got a screw loose, Hal, and I know the Colonel agrees.
Hal: I'm just trying to make sure someone is ok.
Dixie: Perhaps you should just take care of yourself.
Hal: Thanks for the heads up, sweetheart. Maybe if you're free sometime, we could go see Hoover Dam again.
Dixie: Oh, I'm late for my hair appointment. These curls, they don't happen by magic, you know.
(Hal takes a look at the "Confidential" folder on the desk. He goes to Hangar 20, where the crash debris was sent)
Hal: At ease.
Guard: Yes, sir.
Hal: I'm part of the recovery team that brought the truck to this location. Colonel Cassidy has requested a follow-up report.
Guard: Thank you, Captain. Carry on.
(Richie walks out of the hangar and stops Hal)
Richie: What's going on, Hal?
Hal: Just a little inventory for Cassidy.
Richie: I'm sorry. This area's off-limits without proper security clearance.
Hal: Which you seem to have.
Richie: The assignment landed in my lap, ok?
Hal: Then let me take a look.
Richie: There's nothing to see.
Hal: Richie, every person on this base, every radio station and newspaper says this whole thing is because of a downed weather balloon. You and I both know better. Now, I've seen the classified reports. And they prove...
Richie: You have to leave.
Hal: What are you more afraid of? What you know or what they're keeping from you?
Richie: I can't go down that road with you, Hal. I'm sorry. Just let me do my job.
Richie (to guard): Captain Carver's done here.
Hal (V.O.): Obviously someone had gotten to Dodie, so I decided to talk to that reporter after all.
(Hal meets Betty on the side of a road)
Betty: Sorry I was late. That damned thing has a mind of its own.
Hal: I could take a look.
Betty: Already fixed it. Cars are like men, Carver. Give their cable a little jiggle and they'll be fine 'til morning.
Hal: I didn't know you were so handy, Osorio.
Betty: What have you got for me?
Hal: You go first.
Betty: Glenn Dennis at Ballard's funeral home contacted me with an interesting tip. Seems a base mortician called and requested child-size coffins.
Hal: For what?
Betty: To bury things. Your turn.
Hal: Colonel Cassidy asked me to draft death notice memos for 2 privates who he claimed died in a jeep accident.
Betty: What really happened?
Hal: Those kids were at the debris site when they stumbled on 2 sacs 6 feet or so in diameter. Before they could notify a commanding officer, something came upon them. Now, one witness says it was 2 figures glowing white. The men tried to pull their guns. There was a blinding light.
Betty: Aliens killed them?
Hal: My brother was shot down over Manila Bay. I watched my mother open that telegram. Those privates deserved more. Their families deserve the truth.
(Hal gives betty the "Confidential" folder)
Hal: It's all in here.
Betty: Are you willing to go on the record? I need to know. After this story runs, you'll either be a hero or a traitor.
(Back to present day. Michael and Hal are off to the side of a road. Michael goes back to the Jetta and changes one of the beverages in the back seat into a bottle of beer)
Hal: You can run fast, but time always has a way of catching up.
Michael: My friend had one in her car. She's a little bit of a drinker.
Hal: That firecracker from the diner?
Michael: Yeah.
Hal: Are you two going steady?
Michael: No. It's nothing. I mean, well, I mean...whatever there was, it's over.
Hal: Not from where I was sitting. You know, I'd...um, I'd never been in love before, but...but on that night beneath the stars and with that woman...and with all that we knew...I should have kissed her then.
Michael: Why? What happened to Betty?
Hal: Got another beer?
(Back to 1947. Richie is at the bar drinking his problems away. Hal walks up to him)
Hal: Tough day following orders?
Richie: I'm a coward, Hal. Don't rub it in.
Hal: You're drunk.
Richie: And don't expect any more than that from me.
Hal: What's wrong, Richie?
Richie: You were right. I saw stuff. I heard...what their plans were. I...I was a good soldier. I went along with it. I'm not...I'm not proud of myself. Makes you wonder if I'm on the right side. Are we on the right side, Hal?
Hal: It's gonna be ok. I've got friends. We've got people who want to know the truth just as much as we do. And by tomorrow the world will be one step closer to it.
Richie: By tomorrow?
Hal: Check the morning paper. It'll all be there. Now you want a ride home?
(Richie shakes his head)
Hal: All right, then.
(Hal leaves. One of the people in the back walks up to Richie. It's Cavitt, in civilian clothes)
Cavitt: Well done, Captain.
Richie: Don't touch me.
(In the morning, Hal is looking through the newspaper. There is no mention of aliens at all)
Hal (V.O.): That morning was like any other. Too much like any other. The story was never printed.
(Hal calls Betty)
Receptionist: Fort Worth Star-Telegram.
Hal: Yes. I need to speak to Betty Osorio.
Receptionist: One moment. I'm sorry. Miss Osorio isn't in. Would you care to leave a message?
Hal: No. No, thank you.
(Hal goes back to the office. He finds a letter of resignation left on his desk and goes directly to Cassidy's office. Richie is in Cassidy's office waiting for him)
Hal: Where's Cassidy?
Richie: I'm holding down the fort.
Hal: Did you know about this? Huh, did you?!
Richie: It was a classified information...
Hal: You sold me out!
Richie: I had orders! I didn't have a choice.
Hal: Well, thanks for being such a pal, Dick.
Richie: Sign the letter, Hal, and make this easy. Pack your things. Take the honorable discharge.
Hal: You will have to drag me off this base.
Richie: You always were a punk, Carver. Why couldn't you be a lazy, self-centered, son of a bitch this time?
(Hal punches Richie in the face)
Richie: A lot of people are very, very, upset. They wanted to get rid of you, but I convinced them to treat you like one of us. Sign the resignation, Hal, or they're gonna change their minds and take it one step further.
(Richie motions towards some photos in a folder on the desk. They are pictures of Hal with Rosemary. Hal grudgingly signs the resignation letter)
Hal: I hope you enjoy your white picket fences, Richie...'cause you sure as hell earned it.
(Hal goes to the bar)
Hal: The usual, Pete.
Pete: Hey, Carver. Something came for you today.
Hal: Huh?
Pete: You gonna start using my place as an address, I'm gonna start charging you rent for that stool.
(Pete hands Hal an envelope. Inside is a message from Betty. There's a phone number and a key. Hal hurries to the phone to dial the number)
Betty's Sister: Hello?
Hal: Betty.
Betty's Sister: Uh...this is her sister.
Hal: Oh, may I speak with Betty?
Betty's Sister: Betty's dead. It was a car accident yesterday off Highway 70. Uh, who is this?
Hal: Nothing...I'm sorry.
(Hal goes to the location on Betty's message and unlocks the door with the key that Betty left him. Inside the room are 8 alien pods, split into two groups of four pods. There are two doctors dead on the floor. There are silver handprints on their chests. Hal starts snapping some pictures. He looks up in the mirror and sees two white glowing things behind the curtain)
Hal (V.O.): Have you ever heard the sound a mother bear makes when anything gets between her and her cubs? It's something to be afraid of. Now at that moment, though, I realized I'd been afraid of the wrong thing. It wasn't us they wanted.
Hal: Save them.
(Hal leaves the room. He sees 3 people about to enter the room and pulls on the fire alarm)
Hal: Hey!
(Two of the soldiers pursue him. Hal escapes by climbing over a wire fence, but the camera drops to the ground on the other side. The two soldiers approach the fence, and Hal decides to run for it)
(Back in present-day Roswell. Hal has set up some bottles on a truck and shoots at them with his gun)
Hal: Wanna try?
Michael: What did you see? What was in those sacs?
Hal: I never planned on telling this much of the story, kid. I never have.
Michael: Please.
Hal: They looked like human fetuses. There was 4 to a sac. 8 total. That night, I packed my things and never came back. The base was on full alert. There was no way anybody or anything else could have escaped...and that's the story of Hal Carver. The only time I ever stuck my neck out to save anything...and it all went to hell.
(Michael reaches out his hand and blows up the bottles from a distance)
Michael: You saved me.
(He then turns to Hal who is having trouble lighting his cigarette. Michael creates a flame on his thumb. Hal and Michael hug)
(At school, Liz is getting stuff out of her locker. Michael stops by)
Michael: Have you seen Max?
Liz: Oh, Michael. Um, no. He said something about stopping by the Crashdown later.
Michael: You ok?
Liz: Me? Yeah. Sure. Why?
Michael: Well, the whole Congresswoman Whitaker thing. We'll work it out.
Liz: Yeah, I know.
Michael: And, uh, and this morning...yeah...I'm sorry.
Liz: Thank you. Did Max ask you to do that?
Michael: What?
Liz: The whole being nice thing.
Michael: No. I came up with it myself.
(Michael starts to walk away)
Liz: I like it.
(Michael has brought Maria to the granilith chamber)
Michael: Meet the reason I haven't been returning your phone calls.
Maria: My God. What is it?
Michael: I don't know...but eventually I'm hoping we can find out.
Maria: "We?" You didn't even choke on that.
Michael: Well, today I had a little history lesson, and here's the thing...I owe more to you than I can imagine. To Liz, Alex, Valenti, to some old guy named Hal who lives in Tampa and plays shuffleboard. I never realized it...so here it is.
(Michael holds out both hands to Maria)
Michael: Thank you.
(Maria places her hands in Michael's)
Maria: You're welcome. What's wrong?
Michael: You know those pods that housed Max, Isabel, Tess, and me?
Maria: Yeah, before you were born?
Michael: Well, there's another set of them, and they're somewhere out there.
(Episode ends with Michael and Maria standing in the granolith chamber) | Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who interviews a World War II veteran? A: a detailed story; Q: What does the veteran tell Michael? A: the alleged alien landing; Q: What does the veteran tell Michael about the government's cover-up of? A: 1947; Q: When did the government cover up the alien landing? A: their roles; Q: What does Michael imagine himself and his friends in? Summary: Michael interviews a World War II veteran who tells him a detailed story about the government's cover-up of the alleged alien landing in 1947 as Michael imagines himself and his friends in their roles. |
MUSIC IN:
EXT. LODGE - DAY
FRANK: We're thrilled you folks decided to stay with us, and just so know, we have free local phone calls, daily in-room coffee, and an AM-FM radio.
LILLIAN: Is it clean?
ALBERT: Of course it's clean, Lillian.
LILLIAN: Well, the last time we were here, I saw a cockroach, Albert.
ALBERT: It wasn't a cockroach.
LILLIAN: Oh, all of a sudden you're an expert?
ALBERT: I'm an entomologist. Thirty two years. I think I'd know a cockroach if I saw one.
FRANK: Well, I can assure you folks, our rooms are maintained to the highest standards of...
LILLIAN: Cockroach habitability?
FRANK: I was going to say cleanliness and neatness. However, if you folks are unhappy with the room in any way...
(DOOR OPENS)
ALBERT: Stay single.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
FRANK: Just let me know and I can see about getting you an upgrade.
ALBERT: I think we'll take that upgrade.
(MUSIC OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY
ZIVA: In my professional opinion, the risk of serious injury is substantial.
SHEPARD: I agree. But there are protocols that have to be followed.
ZIVA: Which are useless if it doesn't impart a tactical advantage.
SHEPARD: Don't underestimate appearances, Ziva. I have known entire missions to fail because an asset didn't button her lapel properly.
ZIVA: I see your point.
SHEPARD: So we are in agreement?
ZIVA AND SHEPARD: (IN UNISON) Heels.
ABBY: I hate court.
SHEPARD: Your sacrifice is noted and appreciated. Let's talk outfits.
TONY: I say you just go with the heels. (GROWLS) Is that inappropriate? Sorry. Nice gym shoes there, Abs!
SHEPARD: Can we help you, Agent DiNozzo?
TONY: Yes, I've come to collect Officer David. Boss got the Bat Signal.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
TONY: I showed up just in time. Another minute and you guys would've been braiding each other's hair.
ZIVA: And who knows where that can lead to, Tony. Where are we going?
GIBBS: Little Creek.
ZIVA: Little Creek Base?
MCGEE: Actually, an off-base Navy lodging facility. Used mostly by TDY personnel and visiting family. Apparently there was some kind of bloodbath.
TONY: Mondays. What's the body count?
GIBBS: Who said anything about a body, DiNozzo?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
ZIVA: Redrum?
TONY: All we're missing is a kid on a Big Wheel and a man in a bear suit.
ZIVA: And in your head that makes sense to you?
TONY: Yeah, it's The Shining, Ziva. Now that you mention it, what was that guy doing in a bear suit?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. PARKING LOT - DAY
LILLIAN: I'm just saying that this wouldn't have happened at the Marriott.
ALBERT: Excuse me for not checking the ax-murderer policy when I made the reservation.
MCGEE: Did you request this specific room when you called the lodge?
LILLIAN: No, we requested the one with the eviscerated squirrels, but this is all they had.
ALBERT: What the hell kind of question is that?!
GIBBS: Our last one.
FRANK: Did I mention we have over a hundred channels in crisp, clear cable?
GIBBS: Talk to me, DiNozzo.
TONY: Occupants checked out two days ago. Room was cleaned yesterday then locked tight.
GIBBS: No sign of forced entry?
ZIVA: No, but a previous guest could have kept a key. We're going over lists.
TONY: Field test says the blood was human.
ZIVA: We don't know what parts those are. Doctor Mallard is still working on the bathroom.
JIMMY: I'd take an umbrella if you go in there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
TONY: It doesn't make sense, does it, Boss? If it's a prank, it should be animal blood. If it's a Satanic ritual, where are the pentagrams?
ZIVA: It could have been an interrogation that got out of control.
MCGEE: Or a drug deal gone bad.
TONY: Look at this. How bad does a drug deal have to go for you to leave the drugs behind?
GIBBS: Find out what happened here.
DUCKY: I know something of what happened. All this scattered, organic detritus, this human fascia, fibrous connective tissue that anchors skin to muscles, if you look closely you see neither skin nor muscle.
TONY: Yeah, I'll take your word for it.
DUCKY: All of this tissue was skillfully extracted, possibly during extensive post-mortem procedure.
GIBBS: Someone was dissected here, Duck?
DUCKY: More likely three someones. And whoever the guilty party is, he didn't get his technique from the internet. You're looking for a trained medical practitioner.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: Well, no doctors or surgeons stayed at the lodge in the last two months. I'm checking surrounding ho .... hotels. You missed again, Tony.
TONY: Did I, McGee? Remember, goals are deceptive. The un-aimed arrow never misses. What kind of loser wrote that?
ZIVA: I think it's good advice.
TONY: Really? Well, then I have the perfect one for you. In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail.
MCGEE: Didn't Vince Lombardi say that?
TONY: I'll hold onto that one. But the rest of these are worthless. Nice calendar, McGeek.
MCGEE: Hey!
TONY: Relax, this stuff will melt your mind. It's not good for you. It makes you weak.
MCGEE: To me it was a gift!
TONY: From who? Your wet nurse?
GIBBS: (V.O.) No. (ON CAMERA) From me.
TONY: It's a nice calendar, Boss.
GIBBS: Anybody find me my doctor yet?
MCGEE: Not yet. But we do know how he got into the room. A maid had her master key stolen two days ago.
GIBBS: She see anything?
MCGEE: No.
ZIVA: I ran prints from the crime scene. Fifteen total. All from registered guests. Only two were in the area last night.
GIBBS: Bring them in.
ZIVA: Unfortunately, they both have airtight alibis.
TONY: Looks like the un-aimed arrow missed after all. Now that amateur hour is over, I draw your attention to the plasma screen in the middle of the room. Psychopathic blood splatter, usually randomly scattered. Take a look at the drips on the wall. It's a little Jackson Pollack. But do you notice anything?
MCGEE: They're emanating from a central point.
TONY: Step off, McFlower Power. You've had your chance to speak. They're emanating from a central point. Then there's the TV. It looks like it was knocked off the bureau in a struggle of some sort, right? Except that Abby found CRT shards in a bath mat.
ZIVA: So?
TONY: So... Doctor Giggles laid the television on the floor, covered it with the bath mat to muffle the sound when he broke it. The crime scene was staged, Boss. Victims were killed someplace else.
GIBBS: Where?
TONY: What, I gotta do all the work? (BEAT) I'm going to get right on that.
GIBBS: Do that, DiNozzo. You're doing most of it anyway.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY
DUCKY: I think it best to start with a corner piece, Mister Palmer.
JIMMY: Uh... Doctor?
DUCKY: Haven't you ever done a jigsaw puzzle? You always start with the corners. May I suggest the plantar fasciae...?
JIMMY: The feet?
DUCKY: Yes, and then build it up from there. The anterior fasciculus of the...
JIMMY: Of the ankle.
DUCKY: Mm-hmm.
JIMMY: And then the fascia crusis of the lower calf. Well, thank you, Doctor! That is a very helpful analogy.
DUCKY: And a fitting one, too, considering the original term for jigsaw puzzle was dissected maps, so named by the Europeans in the late seventeen sixties. They used to take maps and cut them up into irregular pieces for their children to reassemble.
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
DUCKY: Hello, Jethro, right on schedule.
GIBBS: That predictable, Duck?
DUCKY: That thorough.
GIBBS: Are we still talking three bodies here?
DUCKY: Well that's why we call it preliminary findings. Actually, we have the remains of at least four individuals and perhaps considerably more.
JIMMY: At first we thought there might be a serial killer. Uh... not that that is a good thing.
DUCKY: Unfortunately, Mister Palmer's private hopes were dashed when I noticed in our latest meat puzzle, traces of vascular tissue. It's exactly what you would see if you looked into a medical disposal bin after surgery. That is, if you care to look. Which apparently our perpetrator did.
GIBBS: Duck, are you saying these remains are medical waste?
DUCKY: It explains the precision of the incisions. All or these pieces of tissue were removed by a surgeon, disposed of, rescued, and then put on display for reasons I will leave you to ponder.
GIBBS: We're being set up.
DUCKY: So it seems. But set up for what?
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: Sigmund Freud, eat your heart out. McGee, no lurking without a permit.
MCGEE: Sorry, just checking to see if you finished the analysis on that powder yet. Field test said it was cocaine, but...
ABBY: I told you I was going to email you the results when I was done.
MCGEE: Yes. Don't you have court today?
ABBY: I'm finished. All I had to do was give a deposition.
MCGEE: Oh. So you don't have to go back or anything?
ABBY: McGee! You came all the way down here to see me in my court suit!
MCGEE: No.
ABBY: You totally did!
MCGEE: No, I did not.
ABBY: Your mouth lies, but your red ears are telling the truth.
MCGEE: What? What's wrong?
ABBY: Do you smell that?
MCGEE: No.
ABBY: It's almonds. We have to get out of here!
MCGEE: What's going on?
ABBY: Cyanide gas!
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/MCGEE DRAGS ABBY FROM THE LAB)
(SFX: WARNING HORNS B.G.)
(SFX: BEEP TONES)
(MUSIC OUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - NIGHT
(SFX: VACUUMING B.G.)
ERT MEMBER: Hydrogen cyanide gas. Another three minutes in here, game over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
SHEPARD: How did this happen?
TONY: Abby said the coke was bad. Contained potassium cyanide, which turned gaseous when she added the... uh... the acidified cobalt thio... cyn... cio...
ERT MEMBER: Cobalt thiocyanate.
TONY: Cobalt thiocyanate, yeah, from her drug test kit.
SHEPARD: So this was an accident.
GIBBS: Abby doesn't have accidents.
SHEPARD: Well, Abby also doesn't have enemies. I mean, it's not like we're talking about Agent DiNozzo.
TONY: Hey! Ma'am...
GIBBS: The crime scene was a set-up, Director.
TONY: Right now Abby's our best lead. While she and McGee were playing in the showers, Ziva and I took a walk through the world of Sciuto. Our Mistress of the Dark is keeping secrets from us.
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY
ABBY: (MUFFLED) This is so embarrassing. But in my defense, what self-respecting drug dealer cuts his cocaine with potassium cyanide?
MCGEE: (MUFFLED) Obviously one that doesn't care about repeat business.
DUCKY: Luckily, your exposure to the gas was brief. I don't anticipate any long-term ramifications.
GIBBS: Better not be. You two don't have permission to be sick.
ABBY: We're fine, Gibbs. The only damage done was to my ego. It was a newbie accident. (BEAT) What?
TONY: We're not so sure it was an accident, Abs.
MCGEE: Not sure meaning what?
ZIVA: We think whoever set up the crime scene might be after Abby.
ABBY: Me? Who would want to kill me? I mean, Tony I understand...
TONY: Hey!
GIBBS: Does the name Mikel Mawher ring a bell?
ZIVA: It should. He placed over two hundred phone calls to you in the last four months. One of them right before the accident.
ABBY: You went through my phone records?
TONY: And your credit card bills. Did you really buy this guy Mawher a straightjacket for his birthday?
ABBY: Okay, slow down, okay?
MCGEE: It sounds like you two were pretty serious.
TONY: Until she filed a restraining order against him. I'd say the straight jacket was a red flag there, Abs.
DUCKY: How come we never heard about this gentleman?
ABBY: Okay, I dated him last year. And things just got a little out of hand.
TONY: Did I mention the restraining order?
ABBY: Okay, it was a lot out of hand.
GIBBS: Why didn't you come to me, Abby?
ABBY: Because, Gibbs, I wanted him restrained. I didn't want him beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat. And I'm embarrassed. It wasn't a great taste in boyfriends.
TONY: Yeah, I saw the web shrine he dedicated to you.
ZIVA: W W W dot my hot dark angel dot com.
ABBY: Okay, it's creepy. But that's not dangerous. He just can't accept that it's over between us. He's not a violent type.
TONY: The guy cleans up crime scenes for a living, Abs.
ABBY: I know. That's what I liked about him. But I'm telling you, Gibbs, he's not your man. You're going to pay him a visit anyway. Can you pick up my red studded dog collar when you're there?
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - NIGHT
ZIVA: (READS) "Free decomposition odor removal included in all double homicides."(SFX: LOUD MUSIC PLAYS B.G.)
TONY: I can see why she fell for the guy. They even have the same taste in music.
(DOOR OPENS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. OFFICE - NIGHT
(SFX: LOUD MUSIC CONTINUES B.G.)
MIKEL: Hey! You ruined my shot! (BEAT) I take that back. Not bad. I'm actually re-doing my before and after shots for my new brochures, "You name the crime scene, we wipe the grime clean." So what do you got, huh? A sub accident? Explosive decompression? Never worked with NCIS before.
TONY: Yeah, the restraining order probably made that kind of difficult, huh?
MIKEL: Yeah, I - I don't know what you're talking about.
GIBBS: The only reason you're still able to walk is because I never heard about you until today.
MIKEL: That retraining order. Look, this is not necessary, okay? All right, I shouldn't have called her earlier. I just wanted to apologize.
TONY: You got something to apologize for, do you?
MIKEL: Yeah, I was a little crazy before. Look, I was in therapy. Okay, I found out that I was projecting my own obsession onto Abby. And therefore, she was not willing to reciprocate it. And I just wanted to call and apologize for any pain and suffering I put her through. Is Abby in some kind of trouble?
GIBBS: You tell me.
MIKEL: Oh my god!
ZIVA: Look familiar?
MIKEL: No! But for two grand I can make it look like brand new.
GIBBS: Hey!
MIKEL: Okay, look. I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, I'm cured now. I'm good. I'm on anti-depressants. I have a new girlfriend.
TONY: And now all you need is an alibi for the last two days and you're golden.
MIKEL: Well, then I'm golden, you know? It's been drive-by central since the full moon, man. All the crazies are out now.
TONY: And that makes you golden how?
MIKEL: Because I've been with D.C. Metro for two whole days. That's why.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM
ABBY: (V.O.) The lunar effect is a myth. There is no statistical correlation (ON CAMERA) between the faces of the moon and human behavior. That's why it would never work with us.
ZIVA: Because the lunar effect is a myth?
ABBY: No, because I'm a scientist and he plays with voodoo dolls.
MCGEE: But you play with voodoo dolls, Abby.
ABBY: I meant it metaphorically, McGee. I don't think they actually do anything. I just play with them, you know, to relax.
TONY: Well, it looks like you can put away your Mike Mawher doll, Abby.
GIBBS: Metro confirmed Mawher's alibi.
TONY: He cleaned eight crime scenes over the past four days. Been surrounded by homicide detectives the entire time.
MCGEE: Did any of the crime scenes match what we found at the Navy Lodge?
GIBBS: Nope. Not even close.
ABBY: Then I'm off the hook.
ZIVA: Not necessarily. He could have had an accomplice.
ABBY: Oh, leave it to the assassin to rain on my parade.
TONY: Or maybe it was just a lab accident. I mean really, who would want to kill Abby?
MCGEE: You know, it's true. It's not like someone was after Tony.
ZIVA: No. That's a suspects list I wouldn't want to run down again.
MCGEE: Ha ha! I think the joke's over. We get it.
GIBBS: And our suspect list, Ziva?
ZIVA: Ah, we don't have one. (BEAT) But I can contact the local medical waste facilities and see if anyone reported a break-in.
GIBBS: DiNozzo.
TONY: I'll run a background check on the Lodge employees. Maybe someone's got a vendetta against the cleaning staff.
GIBBS: McGee?
MCGEE: Well, I can um... I can go check on... Boss, I'm not really sure what I should do.
GIBBS: Go home. Take Abby with you.
ABBY: Gibbs, I am fine! I only have one stalker and he has an alibi.
GIBBS: I don't want you to be alone tonight, Abs. You're going with McGee.
ABBY: Great. Like I haven't been traumatized enough today.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MCGEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
(SFX: VIDEO GUNFIRE B.G.)
ABBY: Nothing like a nice relaxing video game to calm the nerves. Pretty good, huh?
MCGEE: I've seen better. Did you change the refresh rate?
ABBY: I downloaded new OpenGL drivers for you. You're getting a way higher FPS now.
MCGEE: But I was in the bedroom like a minute.
ABBY: I also optimized your TCP-IP settings. Increased your throughput by fifty percent.
MCGEE: Bedtime. I am going to take the sleeping bag.
ABBY: We're adults, McGee. We can share the same bed.
MCGEE: If you promise to keep your hands to yourself.
ABBY: Clearly you haven't been. Your shirt smells like J Lo Glow. Oh, I can't find my toothbrush! I think it fell out in your car.
MCGEE: That's all right. Your old toothbrush is still in my bathroom.
ABBY: You kept my old toothbrush? (BEAT) That's a little creepy, McGee. Maybe you should take the sleeping bag.
MCGEE: What is creepy about it? I just never bothered to throw it out. What?
ABBY: This is not my toothbrush.
MCGEE: Well, then I must have bought a second one and forgot about it.
ABBY: It's a ladybug toothbrush, McGee. That's for a cute girl named Gina Marie that bake cookies and wear J Lo Glow. Not for a quasi-manly Federal agent who carries a gun.
MCGEE: Do you want to use it or not?
ABBY: An anonymous toothbrush? I would rather remove my own tonsils with Typhoid Mary's straight razor.
MCGEE: Where are you going?
ABBY: To get my toothbrush.
MCGEE: No no no. You're not leaving the apartment.
ABBY: Why not, McGee? We both know Gibbs is just being over-protective.
MCGEE: I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about me, and if Gibbs finds out I let you leave.
ABBY: That's a really good point. You go.
MCGEE: I am not leaving you alone either.
ABBY: Fine, then. I'll just use your toothbrush.
MCGEE: Don't open the door for anyone.(DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SFX: VIDEO GUNFIRE B.G.)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
(DOOR OPENS)
ABBY: What?!
MCGEE: I told you not to open the door for anyone!
ABBY: What'd you forget?
MCGEE: My keys?
ABBY: Why do you need keys if I'm here?
MCGEE: My car keys. Now listen to me. You do not open the door, okay? Not for anyone. Or I will tie you up.
ABBY: Really?
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SFX: VIDEO GUNFIRE)
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
(DOOR OPENS)
MIKEL: Hi, Abby.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. MCGEE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
MIKEL: Hey, I forgot how beautiful you are. I mean, up close, I mean.
ABBY: What are you doing here, Mikel?(DOOR CLOSES)
MIKEL: You're in terrible danger.
ABBY: I got that part.
MIKEL: Oh, no no. I'm here to save you.
ABBY: What are you saving me from, Mikel?
MIKEL: Why do you keep asking that after what happened in your lab?
ABBY: Oh, right. My lab. How did you know about that?!
(SFX: ABBY THROWS THE TYPEWRITER TO THE FLOOR)
MIKEL: Could we please not do this right now? Wait, wait!
ABBY: (SHOUTS) McGee!
MIKEL: There you go, playing the frightened victim again!
ABBY: (SHOUTS) Yeah, McGee!
MIKEL: ... Casting me in the role as the big, bad psychopathic stalker.
ABBY: Believe me, the role is yours!
MIKEL: Well, I'm sick of it, okay? I thought almost dying in your lab would make you realize how much you cared about me and how much I care about you. But I realize I was wrong. Maybe I was foolish for trying and trying. And trying. But I'm telling you, you're going to thank me. Okay? You still carry the handcuffs I gave you. That's really great 'cause I still have the key.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
ABBY: I'm never picking up a guy in a cemetery again.
MIKEL: (V.O.) Listen, Abby, I just want to start over!
ABBY: (SHOUTS) Mikel, go away!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
MIKEL: We had fun, didn't we?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
ABBY: Yeah, until you bugged my phone, you nut-job!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT
MIKEL: I could pick a lock, too. You forgot about that!
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
(ABBY RUNS TO THE BATHROOM)
(DOOR OPENS)
(ABBY AND MCGEE GASP)
ABBY: McGee!
(SFX: MOTOR CYCLE STARTS B.G.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
ZIVA: Nothing on the statewide BOLO yet. Get off your knees. It's just a typewriter, McGee.
MCGEE: No ATM transactions. Hasn't touched his credit cards. Was a typewriter. And she messed up my motherboard so badly, the BIOS got screwed up and I had to do a hard reset.
GIBBS: How traumatizing for you, McGee.
TONY: Go easy on him, Boss. Even a hair out of order traumatizes McGee. Put this on the plasma. Where's your chair?
GIBBS: He doesn't deserve to sit.
TONY: With that ass? Didn't find Mawyer, Boss. Guy's totally disappeared. But I found this in his apartment.
ZIVA: He's been tracking her for a while.
MCGEE: So much for that restraining order.
TONY: I spoke to his supposed girlfriend. They went on one date. All he talked about was Abby. I'll find out more this weekend. We're having dinner.
GIBBS: No, you don't eat until you find the guy trying to kill Abby.
MCGEE: Boss, actually, I have an idea about that. I've been analyzing the incoming packets on Abby's system. There appears to be a shellcode. (BEAT) Um... I think that Mawyer's been worming into Abby's computer to monitor her communications.
ZIVA: Do you think you can trace the worm?
MCGEE: If he tries to access again, yeah.
GIBBS: Coordinate with Abby.
MCGEE: Boss, you're going to have to try to get her out of the elevator first.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
ABBY: Hey, Gibbs.
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE CLOSED)
ABBY: Did you know that only five of the two and a half million deaths every year occur in elevators?
GIBBS: No.
ABBY: Ziva gave me this. And Cynthia gave me the pepper spray. The knuckles are Director Shepard's.
GIBBS: No one is going to hurt you, Abby.
ABBY: You're just saying that to make me feel better.
GIBBS: Did it?
ABBY: Yeah. Can you say it again?
GIBBS: Nobody is going to hurt you, Abs.
ABBY: Can I stay at NCIS until you catch him?
GIBBS: Mm-hmm. I'll move your whole lab into the elevator if it'll make you feel better.
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC ROM - DAY
NCIS TECH: Singapore has infiltrated Abu Saif.
SHEPARD: Good. Forward this to Sealift Command, ASAP.
NCIS TECH: Right away, Ma'am.
SHEPARD: I picked a bad week to cut out caffeine.
GIBBS: Abu Saif?
SHEPARD: Singapore's mole believes that they've infiltrated a pre-positioned ship at Diego Garcia. I'll fill you in later. How's Abby?
GIBBS: She's scared.
SHEPARD: I thought that Mawyer fellow had an airtight alibi.
GIBBS: Alibi, yes. Airtight...
SHEPARD: Is that... Jamaican blend?
GIBBS: Alibi, yes. Airtight, no. Last thing a homicide cop worries about is his clean up guy.
SHEPARD: Yeah, well your clean up guy just made an interesting play. Abby's been subpoenaed again.
GIBBS: I thought she was done with the court.
SHEPARD: She was until the defense got an anonymous email saying that the consultant for the prosecution had gone into protective custody.
GIBBS: Mawyer must have found out...
SHEPARD: You don't use cream and sugar, do you?
GIBBS: Mawyer must have found about the case from Abby's computer.
SHEPARD: And now he's trying to lure her out.
GIBBS: Does the Defense know they're being used?
SHEPARD: They don't care. My guess is that they're going to use Abby's restraining order to claim that her judgment is faulty.
GIBBS: Her judgment?
SHEPARD: Yeah. The Defense is going to argue that she makes bad choices. I don't know this defense lawyer. I've never dealt with her, but obviously she likes to win.
GIBBS: She does.
SHEPARD: You know her?
GIBBS: Yeah, I thought I did. If she wants to talk to Abby, she can do it here.
SHEPARD: Yeah, agreed. I'll pass it on. Jethro, could you leave--
GIBBS: I already did, Jen.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
ZIVA: Any luck with that trace yet, McGee?
MCGEE: Nope.
ZIVA: Maybe we should widen the perimeter of Mawyer's BOLO. Hey, Tony!
TONY: Not so loud! I was up all night scrounging through that guy's garbage, for Pete's sake. I Jack Kerouac, baby. I'm beat.
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
SPOONER: So the drive wasn't too bad.
STEVENSON: At four hundred and hour, I'm sure you'll reconsider when you get my bill.
(SFX: TONY JUMPS UP)
TONY: I'll take it from here. Thanks a lot. Uh... hi. May I help you?
STEVENSON: Yes. First eat a breath mint. And then you can take me to the over-protective candy-ass who made me come all the way down here for a simple deposition.
TONY: He's over there.
STEVENSON: I should have known. Hello, Jethro.
GIBBS: Hello, Ginger. Or should I say overzealous defense attorney who came all the way down here to harass my forensic scientist?
SPOONER: Do they know each other?
GIBBS: Nothing gets by you, does it?
STEVENSON: Harassment is illegal. Whereas I have a subpoena.
GIBBS: How about that. So do I.
STEVENSON: You want the email that tipped us to the restraining order? Why?
MCGEE: We're hoping there's routing information in the header that can help us trace it.
STEVENSON: Going after the whistle-blowers now, are we?
GIBBS: No, just stalkers.
SPOONER: Wait a minute. Slow down a second. Who's being stalked?
TONY: Her name is Abby.
ZIVA: And your lawyer is going to try and use her bad taste in men to impregnate her credibility.
TONY: Impugn, Ziva!
ZIVA: Yes.
SPOONER: What does any of this have to do with the embezzling charges?
TONY: Ooh! Embezzling. Nice! How much?
SPOONER: Oh, they say ten million, but I'm innocent. I was framed.
TONY: Yes. In your case I actually believe that.
STEVENSON: Don't say another word. Where is my witness?
GIBBS: Where's my e-mail?
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ STEVENSON AND GIBBS EXCHANGE PAPERS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
ABBY: Hi.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
MCGEE: The e-mail will help narrow down the DNS server, but still have a ways to go on the trace.
GIBBS: I thought computers were supposed to make things go faster, McGee.
MCGEE: They do. It's just that the X-originating IP address leads to a public IP address. I'll let you know when I have something.
GIBBS: Ziva, go home.
ZIVA: I'm staying if you're staying.
GIBBS: I'm staying.
MCGEE: I'm staying.
TONY: I'm staying, too.
ZIVA: I'm sure Abby feels safer already.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ABBY'S LAB - NIGHT
DUCKY: I see you vacated the elevator for the evening.
ABBY: It wasn't quite so cozy in there after an hour with Queen Boudica. Did you know that the five people who die in elevators every year, they only spend an average of sixty seconds in there a day?
DUCKY: And you've already been in one for six hours.
ABBY: Exactly. Increasing my risk by a thousand fold. I'm lucky to be alive, Ducky.
DUCKY: Well, it's not luck when you have Leroy Jethro Gibbs looking after you. However, one cannot be too careful so I brought you a present. It's a safety whistle. Emits a hundred and twenty decibel blast. One good blow of this and your attacker's eardrums are shattered.
ABBY: Thank you, Ducky.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
MCGEE: Boss, getting a verification ping on my tracer program. Trying to back trace.(SFX: KEYBOARDING)
TONY: Do you think you can type any harder, McGee?
MCGEE: This guy's good. He's bypassed all our authentication routine. Ziva, are you getting this?
ZIVA: Yes. It looks like Mawyer accessed Abby's accounts thirty minutes ago.
GIBBS: McGee.
MCGEE: Yeah? Used her terminal to send an e-mail to ...
ZIVA: The Pass and I.D. Office on the Navy Yard?
GIBBS: He was giving himself a drive-on.
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Security!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - NIGHT
(PHONE RINGS)
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Jimmy, you don't have to keep calling me. I'm fine.
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) It's Mikel, Abby. Don't hang up.
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, great. My biggest fan.
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot.
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) The wrong foot?! The only right foot is my foot up your --!
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) Abby, Abby! Listen! I need to see you.
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) You really are insane.
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) Look, if you would just trust me, I promise, nothing will happen to you.
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) And if I don't? What? You're going to tear up that nice collage you were making for me?
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) Let's just say you're not as safe... as you think you are.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. LAB - NIGHT
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) Abby, somebody tried to kill you in your own lab! You're not safe in there.
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Oh, and let me guess. You're the only--
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. LAB - NIGHT
ABBY: (FILTERED) ...Person that can protect me?
MIKEL: (INTO PHONE) See? You're starting to understand. That's good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - NIGHT
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) You know that time somebody broke into my house and stole my mail?
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah, that was pretty scary, huh?
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, and that crazy freak that kept...
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. LAB - NIGHT
ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) ...Slashing my tires.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - NIGHT
MIKEL: (FILTERED) I was really worried about you then, Abs.
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Mikel, that was you! You slashed my tires! You stole my mail!
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) What does any of that matter, as long as it made you realize....
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. LAB - NIGHT
MIKEL: (INTO PHONE) ... Your true feelings for me, Abs. Huh?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - NIGHT
MIKEL: (V.O./FILTERED) No, no, no, no. Try using the S.I.D.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. LAB - NIGHT
MIKEL: (INTO PHONE) Instead of the E.S.N. for the registration request.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - NIGHT
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) That's a good idea.
MIKEL: Hey!
ZIVA: Abby down!(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
ABBY: He was right there!
TONY: He's here, McGee. On the move!
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) MPs on scene, Tony.
GIBBS: Are you okay?
ABBY: No!
ZIVA: (SHOUTS) Clear!
TONY: Clear!
GIBBS: Ziva, lock down the yard. No in or outs. We'll find him, Abby.
ABBY: Well then I can't stay here, Gibbs.
TONY: Definitely not staying at McGee's place.
ABBY: No place is safe. If he can get to me on the Navy Yard, he can get to me anywhere.
GIBBS: Not anywhere. Not anywhere.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT
ABBY: Nothing like a nice quiet dungeon-like basement to calm the nerves.
(GIBBS WALKS DOWNSTAIRS)
GIBBS: You need to sleep, Abby.
ABBY: I know! I tried. Every time I close my eyes, I see Mikel.
GIBBS: With the grain.
ABBY: ABBY: I thought I was. I don't understand why people drink alcohol when they're depressed. Because alcohol is a depressant. Now I'm so depressed ... and I'm nauseous. And I'm really drunk. (CONT.) Which means that tomorrow I have to go fight a hangover while I'm in court while some ambulance-chasing attorney tries to attack my credibil - what is wrong with me, Gibbs? What did I do to deserve this?
GIBBS: It's not about you, Abby. It's about him.
ABBY: Then why do I feel so guilty?
GIBBS: I don't know. Why do you?
ABBY: Because... I think this might all be my fault.
GIBBS: Maybe it is.
ABBY: How could you say that to me, Gibbs? I didn't do anything wrong. Just because some defective lunatic can't get it through his thick skull that I think he is a defective lunatic! That is not my fault, Gibbs! That's not my fault at all! This is not my fault! It's not my fault. Hm. I see why you like to work on boat, Gibbs. Very, very cathartic!
(SFX: WOOD BREAKS)
ABBY: Oops. Suddenly having a stalker on the loose isn't so scary.
GIBBS: He's not on the loose, Abby. That's what I came down here to tell you. DiNozzo called. The Coast Guard picked up Mikel Mawyer trying to cross the Anacostia.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
MIKEL: This is harassment, okay? I'm going to file a restraining order against your whole department.
ABBY: Knock yourself out. They did wonders for me.
SHEPARD: It's over, Abby.
ABBY: Not until he finds another loophole to crawl out of. He will. You don't know him.
SHEPARD: No, but I know, Gibbs.
(DOOR OPENS)
MCGEE: Excuse me, Director. The Federal Marshall is here for Abby.(SFX: GIBBS AND MIKEL B.G.)
ABBY: Just when he was getting good.
SHEPARD: Judges don't like to be kept waiting.
ABBY: Let me know how it turns out.
SHEPARD: Don't worry. Gibbs won't let him crawl out of anything.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
MIKEL: You guys have it all wrong! I'm not the one trying to hurt Abby.
TONY: No, you're just the misunderstood lover who flies in at the last second to be her savior. That how the game's played?
MIKEL: This isn't a game, okay? I'm trying to protect Abby here.
GIBBS: You have an interesting way of showing it.
MIKEL: I've got no choice. This was the only way I could get her to listen to me. You may not have noticed, but Abby and I have been going through a really rough patch lately.
GIBBS: Hey! There is no Abby and you.
TONY: Rough patches don't usually include cyanide.
MIKEL:
MIKEL: That wasn't me! I didn't know Abby was in trouble until after you came to my office. Look, I'm not the one trying to hurt Abby. But I know who is. (CONT.) Not his name, but his picture. Right there. After you guys came to see me, I started to go through all my old photos.
GIBBS: Exhibits A through G of you violating your restraining order?
MIKEL: It's not illegal if I stay more than a hundred yards away.
TONY: It is if you harass, follow, or threaten...
MIKEL: Semantics, okay? Anyway, I'm going through all my old photos, and the same guy kept popping up over and over again. That's got to be your guy. There. Right there. Him. Scary guy right there.
TONY: That scary guy? The really scary guy right there?
MIKEL: No, no. The other guy. Zoom in on the other guy. Yeah, keep going. Keep going. Keep rolling. You see what I'm saying? I wasn't the only one following her. The only reason I was able to even worm into Abby's computer and hack onto her drive in the first place because somebody else had already cracked the authentication protocols before me. MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. GARAGE - DAY
(DOOR OPENS)
ABBY: Thanks for the lift. I could really use it after the week I've had.(DOOR CLOSES)
DRIVER: Don't forget your seatbelt.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) She's right, Boss. Mawyer's worm...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) ... Didn't penetrate Abby's system until after the authentication calls were cracked.(MIKEL'S MUFFLED SHOUTS B.G.)
GIBBS: Who cracked them?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) It's going to take some time.
(SCENE CUT)
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM
SHEPARD: We don't have time! That was the federal marshall who was supposed to pick up Abby.
TONY: Supposed to?
SHEPARD: Someone slashed the tires on his transport. He hasn't left yet.
(DOOR OPENS)
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. VAN - MOVING
ABBY: So I guess the lesson is to always trust your instincts, you know? Like with you.... you scare me. So we could never date. But don't feel bad. I mean, you're a federal agent. You should scare people. That's your job. You --
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ABBY STRUGGLES WITH THE DRIVER)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
ZIVA: No answer on her cell phone.
MCGEE: Running a trace.
SHEPARD: State Police have been notified.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CAR - MOVING
ZIVA: (V.O./FILTERED) Still no answer, Gibbs.
GIBBS: Keep trying!
TONY: How far could he have gotten?
GIBBS: Far enough. He knows his window is small.
TONY: (INTO PHONE) McGee, I'm not going to ask again!
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Location's coming up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD - DAY
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Sending GPS coordinates ....
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CAR - MOVING
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) ... To your PDA.
TONY: Okay, I got it. This can't be right. It says we're right on top of her!
GIBBS: That's because we are.
(SFX: CAR TIRES SCREECH)
(SFX: SEMI TRUCK MOVING)
GIBBS: DiNozzo!
(SFX: MUFFLED SCREAMS B.G.)
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS AND TONY RUN TO THE PARKED VAN)
(DOORS OPEN)
ABBY: I'll be with you in a minute, Gibbs. And don't look up my skirt!(SFX: DRIVER SCREAMS)
(SFX: GIBBS LAUGHS)
GIBBS: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY
TONY: So how did it go?
ABBY: Horrible. The judge ruled all of my physical evidence inadmissible.
GIBBS: Then threw out the case.
TONY: Hit you hard, huh?
ABBY: Actually, no. She didn't bring up my bad taste in men. She attacked the science.
STEVENSON: It always was about the science. I only questioned you on the restraining order to throw the prosecution off my real game plan.
ABBY: Human-scent detection is a viable forensic tool!
STEVENSON: Which has yet to be fully vetted and peer-approved.
SPOONER: Lucky for me.
GIBBS: Scent evidence is the only physical evidence tying the defendant to the money he took.
TONY: We're saying you're a very smelly man.
SPOONER: Hey, I was proven innocent, remember?
ABBY: Actually, you just weren't found guilty. There's a difference.
SPOONER: I'll keep that in mind while I'm getting a tan on the beaches of Bora Bora.
STEVENSON: Don't take it so hard. I know it was going to go down like this right from the very beginning.
GIBBS: Too bad your client didn't.
TONY: Yeah, you should have trusted your lawyer there, Giggle-man.
ABBY: Instead of spending all of that money hiring a hit-man to take out the star witness, A.K.A. me.
STEVENSON: What are they talking about?
SPOONER: I have no idea.
GIBBS: You paid him to kill. You didn't pay him to keep his mouth shut.
TONY: That dude even gave you credit for staging the bloodbath at the Navy Lodge.
SPOONER: You guys think you're so smart!
STEVENSON: Terry, don't say a word.
TONY: Back in the car. Let's go.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)
MIKEL: I was right, wasn't I? Huh? That's right. Abby would be dead by now if it wasn't for me.
GIBBS: Is that what you think? I think Terry Spooner never would have gotten as close as he did without you as the distraction, that the real danger here was you.
MIKEL: No, no. People accuse me of playing mind games. No.
GIBBS: Metro Cops found your car. They found the gun. Found the suicide note you wrote in Abby's handwriting.
MIKEL: That was just a last resort. Look, I love her. It's... I love her, you know? You don't get it, do you? Huh? She wants everybody to believe that ... that she doesn't love me. (FILTERED) Hell, I think she even believes it sometimes. (ON CAMERA) I'll tell you what. If you don't care (FILTERED) about me, then how come you can't take your eyes off me right now? Huh? You can lie to the rest of the world, (ON CAMERA) but you can't lie to your heart. Can you, Abby? Oh, no no no. (SHOUTS) Abby! Abby! Look, I know you're in there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
MIKEL: (V.O.) Abby!
(MUSIC OUT) | Plan: A: A couple; Q: Who finds their room covered with bloodstains and human tissue? A: Little Creek Naval Base; Q: What is the motel near? A: The team; Q: Who realizes that they have been set up? A: Tony; Q: Who notices discrepancies in the bloodstains? A: Ducky; Q: Who identifies the slices of human tissue as discarded tissue from surgical procedures? A: McGee; Q: Who is Abby's partner? A: the drugs; Q: What did Abby realize was rigged? A: Abby's past; Q: What must the team dig into to find out who wants Abby dead? A: their search; Q: What leads them to the main suspect in the embezzlement trial Abby is testifying in? A: whose obsession; Q: What is a grave cause for concern with Abby's ex-boyfriend? Summary: A couple checking in at a motel near Little Creek Naval Base find their room covered with bloodstains and slices of human tissue in what appears to be a drug deal gone horribly wrong. The team realizes that they have been set up after Tony notices discrepancies in the bloodstains, Ducky identifies the slices as discarded tissue from surgical procedures and Abby and McGee barely escape being poisoned after she realizes the drugs she was testing were rigged. They must dig into Abby's past to find out who wants her dead and their search leads them to the main suspect in the embezzlement trial Abby is testifying in, the suspect's lawyer and Abby's ex-boyfriend whose obsession with Abby is a grave cause for concern. |
Sy: We are going to oversee the opening of a clinic on a U.S. army base in Japan.
Jewy: What's going down in the world of young health?
Glenn: Jewy McJewJew!
Jewy: Glenn Richie, my old Hebrew-school pal.
Valerie: For I am not Valerie Flame, daughter of Alma and Tony Flame. I'm Derrick Childrens!
[ All gasp ]
Chief: What?
Derrick: Long-lost son of Arthur Childrens.
This is one nutty hospital.
[ Laughter ]
5.11 - A Lot of Brouhaha Over Zilch
Blake: Shakespeare's greatest hits? God, I hate the theater. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like being entertained as much as the next guy, maybe even the guy next to him, but I don't want to sit in a cramped theater for three hours watching a fairy flit around. We got fairies right here in the real world, my friend.
[ Laughing ]
You just... You got to know where to go, you know? Usually near an enchanted forest, because they are tiny and skittish. I don't know. I appreciate the theater.
Blake: Freeze it! You want drama? We got drama right here in the real world. There's a million stories waiting to be told right here on this base. Take Glenn, for instance. He's in love with Cat, but they pretend to hate each other. That's drama! There's a fairy. [ Giggles ] Hello!
Blake: And Sy. What about Sy? Who put this guy in charge? Arthur Childrens founded the hospital. His rightful heir should have been Derrick Childrens. Now here's the real kick in the nuts. This is Derrick Childrens. [ Chuckles ] Yeah. Dr. Valerie Flame is Derrick Childrens in drag. She should be running the hospital, not Sy! That's real life, and it's got everything... Love, death, sexy stuff. And if that's not enough drama for you, just make some.
[ Wig rips ]
Valerie: Ooh.
Owen: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What happened to your hair?
Valerie: Nothing. Come on, let's just keep making out.
Owen: Wait, wait. Are you wearing a wig? And is that stubble? Are... are you a man? Did I have s*x with a man?
Valerie: Okay. I'm a man. You got me. Let's just touch ding-dongs.
Owen: Ugh! We're breaking up. Sorry, dude.
Glenn: [ Laughs ] I love it. There's like three of you... One, Two and Three. Or are you Three?
Valerie: Get out of my way!
Glenn: Hey, what's up with him?
Cat: Glenn! [ Chuckles ] Oh, I see that you found some ladies who like herpes. Good for you.
Glenn: [ Chuckles ] Hey, come on! I don't get sores. I'm just a carrier. Is there a reason you're here or are you just trying to kill my boners forever?
Cat: No, I'm just on my way to the new chaplain's office.
Glenn: To confess your dying love for me?
Cat: To confess that I'm in love with the thought of you dying.
Glenn: I am dying... to watch you walk away from me right now.
Cat: Good idea. I think you'll enjoy it.
Glenn: I will enjoy it, because you're walking away from me and not because of any other reason like your ass. Right, Blake?
Blake: Yeah, totally. You should go spy on her.
Glenn: I'm listening.
Blake: I made a peephole in Sy's office closet... Looks right into the new chaplain's office.
Glenn: That's creepy. Why would you do that?
Blake: I don't know.
Glenn: Gotcha.
Blake: Oh! Yeah.
Valerie: Who am I?
Derrick: I need to get my hospital back. But how?
Valerie: [ Sighs ] If only there was some kind of a sign...
[ Scoffs ]
Private Corcoran! You have to flank Titania. You're her fairy servant.
Valerie: Hey, what's this play about, anyway? Donkeys? Mostly we're highlighting Queen Victoria's brave succession to her father's throne.
Valerie: So it's about taking your rightful place, no matter who or what stands in your way? Yeah. And donkeys.
Valerie: That's it! Boys, put your pants on 'cause I'm overthrowing Sy and taking back my hospital, and I need an army. Well, we don't know you or this Sy person, but as soldiers, we will blindly follow any orders you give us.
Valerie: Yeah! Let's go, boys!
Blake: [ Breathes deeply ] You know, now's the time in a play, of course, where they make up some big grand metaphor about how the world's a donkey and everybody's an ass. You know? But I'm not gonna do that. No, it's stupid. No wordplay with "ass." Oh! [ Laughs ] "Play with ass." That's pretty good.
[ Chuckles ]
Hey, you should go tell Sy about Val's plan.
Dori: Oh. Okay.
Chet: Okay. Oh! [ Giggling ]
Owen: [ Sighs ] Maybe I could be with a man. But then who would send out the Christmas cards? What do you think, Blake?
Blake: You know who invented Christmas cards? Hitler. What you need to do is make a grand gesture... Something about sacrifice and commitment and also penises.
Owen: I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
Blake: Good. Enjoy your new gay lifestyle. And remember the grand gesture!
Glenn: Now I'll get ready to spy on Cat... But not because I love her. Because Blake suggested it.
Cat: Chaplain, I need to confess something, but it's a secret so big that you can never reveal it to anyone. What is this secret?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sy: Okay. So, what is Val's plan in taking over my position?
Chet: She is amassing an army using guys from the army.
Sy: Oh, I knew I should have killed her at Burning Man. We were right there. Okay. I've got a plan. Dori, do you have any theater training?
Dori: I was a lesbian in college.
Sy: Good. What about you, Chet?
Chet: Oh, well, I slept with a few girls in college but not enough to say that I'm a lesbian. Ooh! Well, that's quite a secret, Cat. And secrets can be revealing.
Glenn: Jewy McJewJew. My old Nemesis.
Jewy: I'll keep your secret, Cat, but you're gonna have to give me something in return.
Cat: What? 115 pounds of flesh... Yours, nude. Meet me in the barracks at 7:00.
Chet: That's a great plan, Sy! It's really fun.
Dori: And the part about the hydraulics... That is the perfect touch.
Sy: Thanks. Blake, I am so gonna need your help.
Blake: Yeah, yeah, I've been taking notes in a Google Doc this whole time. Hold on. Hy... drau... lics. Chet, you wear that.
Chet: Cool! What part am I playing?
Blake: [ Breathes deeply ]
Glenn: I have to save Cat from Jewy's clutches. But not because I'm in love with her, because I'm not. Blake, are you busy right now?
Blake: Yeah, actually, I got a lot on my plate right now.
Cat: I don't want to have to sleep with Jewy. But I don't want him to tell my secret.
Glenn: [ Gasps ]
Cat: Obviously, my only option is to break out my poison lipstick...
Glenn: What is she saying?
Cat: The kind that only kills men, not women. What do you think, Blake? Blake? Huh. Well, I hope Jewy likes... Blue? Really? Oh, my God. For real? This is just, like, a blue lipstick?
Glenn: I have to get closer.
[ Door opens ]
Jewy: Well, well, well. Look what we have here.
Hmm. Hello, Cat. Mm, blue lipstick with that eye shadow. It's bold.
Cat: Excuse me while I go and slip into something a little more comfortable.
Jewy: Oh, yes, I... Imagine you'd want to relieve your bladder before we have intercourse, make you more comfortable...
Glenn: Jewy McJewJew.
Jewy: Glenn Richie, my old Hebrew-school pal.
Glenn: You usually only have s*x with the woman I'm in love with. But Cat hates me, and I hate Cat.
Jewy: What?
Glenn: Oh, sure. Yeah, we have regular public displays of hateful banter.
Jewy: Oh, well, Glenn, is there anyone you are attracted to right now? I won't steal them from you. I'm just, uh, kind of curious. Guy talk, you know.
[ Both laugh ]
Glenn: Yeah, sure, sure.
There is this one woman I had my eye on. She's in the play tonight. But you wouldn't like her. She has the head of a donkey.
Jewy: Oh, yeah, right. No, that's, uh, not my cup of tea. I might just check out that play, though, just for a smile.
[ Chuckles ]
Later, Glenn.
Cat: Here I come, rabbi!
[ Sighs ]
Oh, I forgot. Jews only have s*x through a ghost costume. But how will I kiss you?
Glenn: First, you must tell me how you truly feel about Glenn.
Cat: Oh! Just kiss me! Glenn!
Glenn: Cat, your lips taste like crap.
Cat: No!
Blake: Cat, I am so sorry I'm late! You probably called for me and I wasn't here, and I apologize, but I have a lot of balls in the air right now. But if I had been here, I would've told you not to use the poison lipstick because you end up kissing Glenn.
Cat: Glenn. I...
Blake: Oops. That is my fault. I am sorry. I will own that one.
Cat: Oh. How did you know all this?
Blake: Oh. Uh, earlier, I moved Val's wig a little bit and that set a whole series of things in motion. I'm talking to people about it. I'm like, um, an omniscient narrator of sorts. But, anyway, we have to get Glenn to Sy! He's the only one with the antidote. Come on!
Cat: Oh.
Blake: But go get Glenn first.
Cat: Okay, okay, yeah, no!
[ Indistinct conversations ]
[ Minstrel music plays ]
Now is the winter of our discotheque!
Valerie: Now is the perfect time to strike.
Owen: Now's the time for my thing. Val! I wanted to make a grand gesture of sacrifice and commitment... So I surgically removed my pen1s.
[ Audience gasps, groans ]
Cat: Sy, it's Glenn!
We need your help. He's not well!
[ Groaning ]
Sy: Poison lipstick, huh?
Cat: Yeah.
Sy: I have the antidote, but I refuse to give it to you until Val stops trying to overthrow me.
Valerie: I'll only agree to that if Owen repeats exactly what he said just a second ago.
What was that again?
Owen: Uh...Well, I was... [ Clears throat ] I, uh, surgically removed my pen1s because I love you.
[ Audience gasps ]
Sy: Funny you should say that, because love... is the antidote.
All: Ah.
Cat: Glenn...
I love you. That was my secret.
Glenn: And I love you, too.
[ Audience "awws" ]
Owen: I...
Ding-dong!
Owen: Hey! My grand gesture! Stop that fairy! This is my ding-dong.
Owen: Don't damage my pen1s! Oh, my grand gesture! Whoo! [ Audience screams ] Whoo-hoo!
[ Giggling ] | Plan: A: Derrick Childrens; Q: Who plots to take over the hospital from Sy? A: A parody; Q: What is the show about Shakespeare? Summary: Derrick Childrens plots to wrest control of the hospital from Sy. A parody of Shakespeare plays. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
BROOKE: Why is my signature on these documents?
VICTORIA: Honey, you empowered us to do this.
BROOKE: No, I empowered you to pick a cover model for the magazine, not to send me to prison. This is not my fault!
QUINN: Clay, what's happening?
CLAY: It's my fault.
WOMAN: Two victims, both critical, coming in. Victim number one -- male. Estimated mid-20s.
QUINN: Haley! She can't see me.
CLAY: I can.
QUINN: I want to stay with you.
CLAY: And I want that, but you can't.
QUINN: Why?!
CLAY: Haley's pregnant. She can't lose you right now.
QUINN: Promise me you'll open your eyes.
CLAY: I promise. Till kingdom come.
QUINN: Till kingdom come.
CLAY: Now open your eyes.
HOSPITAL
Haley writes her letter for Lucas, seeing sleep Quinn and Jamie.
HALEY(Voice-over): "Dear, Lucas.I feel so lucky that Quinn is getting better. It means I can breathe again. The darkness that I've struggled with now seems a world away, replaced by my concern for her. I made a promise that if she was okay, I would try to give back. I thought I might volunteer somewhere and try to help people who have struggled with depression or who have faced a crisis of their own. She's been recovering for about a week, and the entire family was here. But now they've gone, and it's just me and Quinn. Every day brings another small victory, and with it, the hope that Clay wakes up soon. Nathan reads newspapers for Clay.
NATHAN: ''With NBA training camps now a week old, exhibition games will begin soon. Rosters will be trimmed to the mandatory 13 players, and dreams will come true or die in sweat-soaked practice facilities and exhibition game box scores. The Charlotte bobcats have been thrilled with the addition of Joe Turner." You hear that, Buddy? You're the badass that made that happen. You can do this, Clay. Believe that. "Closed over bros. Fashion designer Brooke Davis faces charges of financial corruption." We'll skip that one.
RESTAURANT
Victoria joins her daughter.
BROOKE: Thanks.
VICTORIA: Good morning, daughter.
BROOKE: If you're spelling morn "m-o-u-r-n."
VICTORIA: Always with the drama. Let's see if we can turn that frown upside down. Your problems are over.
BROOKE: What do you mean?
VICTORIA: I mean that our attorneys have spoken with their attorneys who've spoken with half of the federal government, and we've reached an agreement. We will pay a fine, we'll restructure, we'll get a slap on the wrist, and you will keep your company. And your freedom.
BROOKE: But how?
VICTORIA: Let's just say that I've always had your best interests at heart, and I still do. So breathe. And, uh, don't eat that. You're gonna be just fine.
BROOKE: I can't believe it.
VICTORIA: What, no "thank you"?
BROOKE: Thank you? You want a "thank you" for getting me into this mess?
VICTORIA: No. I want a "thank you" for getting you out of it.
BROOKE: How 'bout a "you're fired"? You want one of those, too?
VICTORIA: No thank you necessary. And contrary to what you might think, I am sorry for putting you through this.
HOSPITAL
Quinn is waking up.
QUINN: I'm sorry... For putting you through all this.
HALEY: Well, it's about time you apologized. You really are so selfish.
QUINN: How's Clay?
HALEY: He's the same. But he's stable. Nathan's in with him right now.
QUINN: Will you take me to see him?
HALEY: Quinn, every day you ask me that, and every day I tell you the doctors don't want you moving yet.
QUINN: Hales...
HALEY: I promise as soon they say it's okay, I will take you to see him.
QUINN: Okay.
HALEY: Jamie. Hey. Wake up, Buddy. Aunt Quinny's awake.
QUINN: Hey, there, little man.
JAMIE: Hi, aunt Quinn. I have your star right here. It's helping you get better.
QUINN: I know it is. Hey, will you do something for me? Will you go give this to Clay for a little while? He needs it now. Okay. Clay walks in the hall.
CLAY: Oh, Cheryl. Good call on the hair. Old man from 307, your son is still trying to change the will! Geez. What the hell happened to you?
MAN: Dog bite.
CLAY: Who said that?
MAN: This sucks, huh? Now I know why they call it the waiting room. Brooke and Julian come to pick Jamie.
HALEY: Hey, I was thinking that, uh...
BROOKE: There they are! Hi, Jimmy jam.
QUINN: Good timing. She's awake.
HALEY: I was actually wondering if I could talk to you for a second.
JULIAN: Oh. Dude, they restocked the cafeteria with all sorts of sugary goodness. I'm buying. You in?
JAMIE: Sweet.
JULIAN: Literally. JAMIE:Mom, can I?
HALEY: Do your worst.
JAMIE: Yes!
BROOKE: Hi.
HALEY: Hi. Quinn's really broken up about Clay, and Jamie is getting worried, and I was just hoping you guys could take him for the day.
BROOKE: Absolutely.
HALEY: Thank you.
BROOKE: How are they?
HALEY: Quinn's getting better. Clay's the same. What's going on with you? What's happening with your company?
BROOKE: I think it's gonna be okay.
HALEY: Wow. That's great, Brooke.
BROOKE: Hey, mouth and Millie send their best. They just didn't want to be in the way.
HALEY: Of course. Are they back together?
BROOKE: No.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Mouth and Millie are in bed.
MOUTH: Sleep well?
MILLICENT: Yep. You?
MOUTH: Pretty good, yeah. So... What's your day like?
MILLICENT: Oh, same day as yesterday. Pretty much deal with the fact that I got Brooke arrested and almost lost the company. You?
MOUTH: Oh, same as yesterday. Pretty much...Nothing. So, I guess last night we must have...
MILLICENT: Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. We should probably get up.
HOSPITAL
Clay speaks with guy.
CLAY: You can see me?
MAN: Of course I can see you. You look like ass, by the way. Now, the girl you're keeping watch over...uh, what's her name... Quinn? Yeah, she's fine.
CLAY: Dude, really? I haven't spoken to anyone for a week, and this is how you come at me?
MAN: Well, I'm just saying, you know? If you don't live, I'm all over that.
CLAY: Ahh. I can smack you, right?
MAN: What?
CLAY: Yeah.
MAN: Ow. Dude.
CLAY: Just checking. So what about that? The living part, I mean. Do you know what this is? Do you know how we can even get back?
MAN: We're in between, man. We get back by living. Otherwise... Hope that's not me.
CLAY: W-what's happening?
(Nathan asks help for Clay)
NATHAN: What...can you help him?
CLAY: It's not.
ONE TREE HILL - CREDITS
HOSPITAL
Clay and the guy looks at the body of Clay.
MAN: The respirator's always a tough break. I'm on one, too, if it helps.
CLAY: It doesn't. They will walk in the corridors.
CLAY: I can't be on a respirator. I mean, I need to find a way to get back.
MAN: What happened to you, anyway?
CLAY: I got shot.
MAN: Ooh, nice. What's that like?
CLAY: I-I...I don't remember.
MAN: Well, if it helps, you... you look a lot better.
CLAY: It doesn't.
MAN: Oh, come on, man. I've had no one to hang with for weeks. Stop being a baby. Jamie and Julian look at the newborns.
JAMIE: My mom's gonna have another baby.
JULIAN: Yeah, I heard.
JAMIE: Do you know anything about that?
JULIAN: What?
JAMIE: Where babies come from.
JULIAN: Uh... Stork, bro.
JAMIE: Weak.
(Brooke comes in)
BROOKE: Hey.
JAMIE: Aunt Brooke, do you know where babies come from?
BROOKE: Not from me. Oh.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
MILLICENT: So where's skills?
MOUTH: Oh, uh, he's working for that sports coordinating company in L.A.
MILLICENT: I thought he came back for Lauren.
MOUTH: Yeah. Uh, that didn't really...
MILLICENT: Got it.Oh, God. You and Lauren aren't...
MOUTH: No. No. How 'bout you? Are...are you...
MILLICENT: No. So how's the job search going?
MOUTH: It's kind of grim, actually. Just been sending out resumes and looking online, but mostly I've just been working on my podcast.
MILLICENT: Oh, yeah? You have a podcast?
MOUTH: Yeah. It's this sports website I'm working on where I talk about sports and sports-related topics, but I don't know. I've only gotten 48 hits.
MILLICENT: Today?
MOUTH: Well, uh... Ever.
MILLICENT: Oh. Well, it'll probably just take some time to catch on, you know?
MOUTH: Yeah. Ebay took some time. So...
MILLICENT: Sure. I should probably go.
MOUTH: Oh. Okay. I, um... Thanks you. Thank you. I'll see you later. Or soon.
HOSPITAL
Haley talks with Quinn.
QUINN: Hey. You know, I never told you congratulations on your pregnancy.
HALEY: Thanks. Well, you were kind of busy with the whole trying-to-live thing, so...I'm glad you did.
QUINN: Me too.
HALEY: So... We need to talk about Clay.
QUINN: Is he awake?
HALEY: No, he's not. His organs are failing. He's on a respirator, and it's breathing for him right now.
QUINN: He's gonna be okay.
HALEY: He needs a kidney transplant. If he doesn't get it, they don't think that he's gonna make it.
QUINN: I need to see him.
HALEY: You can't.
QUINN: Hales, I need to talk to him. Please.
HALEY: I'll try.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Microphone sends a message on his blog.
MOUTH: They make us cry sometimes. They make us cheer for the underdog, celebrate teams over individuals, and sometimes individuals over teams. I'm mouth McFadden, and today we're talking about the best sports movies of all time. For me, one of those films will always be "the Natural." Starring Robert redford, "the Natural" is the story of Roy hobbs, a man in his prime who is shot at close range by an obsessive woman.
HOSPITAL
Nathan talks with the doctor about Clay.
NATHAN: I was wondering... What are the odds a kidney becomes available?
DOCTOR: It's hard to say. To find the right match could take some time.
NATHAN: Does he have much time?
DOCTOR: No.
NATHAN: Take mine. He can have one of my kidneys.
DOCTOR: Nathan, we're not even sure you're a match.
NATHAN: Let's find out.
DOCTOR: That's a wonderful gesture, and a Noble one, but you need to know something. If you give him a kidney, your basketball career is over.
(Clay and the guy see the scene)
MAN: The plot thickens.
GROUND OF BASEBALL
Brooke, Julian and Jamie play.
JULIAN: Let's see if you can hit my fast ball.
BROOKE: Oh.
JULIAN: Okay, I guess you're good with that. Here comes a curve ball.
JULIAN: Oh!
BROOKE: Dude! You're so going pro.
JAMIE: Nah, I'm gonna play basketball like my dad.
HOSPITAL
Nathan explains to Haley what he wants to do. Clay comments on.
NATHAN: I would lead a normal life. I just wouldn't...Be able to play basketball.
CLAY: Which is completely unacceptable. Nate, we worked so hard!
MAN: Come on, man. Shut up. I want to hear this.
HALEY: Are they sure that you couldn't play?
NATHAN: There are a couple of unique cases where guys going through this have played, but I...I wouldn't be one of them.
HALEY: Maybe they could find a donor.
CLAY: Ah, that's right. That is right. Good point, hales.
NATHAN: He's getting worse, hales. What if that were me in there? What would you say to Clay?
CLAY: That's not fair.
HALEY: That's not fair. Clay could still do what he loves. He could still be an Agent. I don't know, baby. You've worked so hard.
CLAY: That's what I said.
NATHAN: They ran some tests on my back. It's getting worse.
HALEY: What?
NATHAN: I didn't tell you because of Clay and Quinn and Brooke and everything that you've had to deal with, but...my back is degenerating. I could maybe play this season or even next and it could be fine but nobody can really say for sure. The only thing we do know for sure is that if I do this for Clay... I could save his life.
HALEY: I love you. I love the person that you are, your strength.
NATHAN: Where do you think I learned it? Clay and the guy walks in corridors.
CLAY: I can't believe he's giving up the game.
MAN: Oh, come on, man. He's doing this for you. Besides, you heard him. His back is all screwed up.
CLAY: We don't know that for sure. He's using me as an excuse.
MAN: He's saving your life.
CLAY: You know what? Why don't you just stay out of this! I don't even know you.
MAN: I think you might want to remember what you could lose, Clay. How 'bout you just say "thank you"?
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
MICRO: There's a moment in "field of dreams" where moonlight Graham knows he'll never play the game again. And he's at ease with it because he had his moment in the sun. And because he had something else in his life to take the game's place.
JAMIE'S BEDROOM
Nathan come to see Jamie.
NATHAN: You have a good day, Buddy?
JAMIE: Yeah. How are Clay and aunt Quinn?
NATHAN: Uh, aunt Quinn's doing better. But, uh, Clay's not doing so good. He needs a kidney transplant, Jamie, so they're gonna see if they can take one from me.
JAMIE: Will you be okay?
NATHAN: Yeah. I'll be fine. Um... I won't be able to play basketball anymore, though.
JAMIE: Do you have to? Give Clay your kidney?
NATHAN: No. No, I don't have to. But if I don't, then Clay might not get one. And if Clay doesn't get one... He might never wake up.
JAMIE: Maybe he could have my kidney. That way he would be okay and you could still be a bobcat.
NATHAN: I think you're a little young for that, Jame. I love you for the offer, though, and I know Clay would, too. Do you understand how important this is for Clay, Buddy? Okay. I know you loved that I was a bobcat, so I understand if you're a little disappointed. But just... Just try to think about Clay, okay? We'll talk about this more in the morning. I love you, Buddy.
JAMIE: I love you, too. Hey, dad? Clay's the reason you were gonna be a bobcat this year, so if he needs help, we should help him.
NATHAN: You're a good man, Jamie Scott.
JAMIE: So are you, dad.
HOSPITAL
Haley lets Quinn to see Clay.
HALEY: Quinny. Quinn! Promise me you're well enough for this. Are you okay?
QUINN: Yeah.
HALEY: I'll be outside.
QUINN: Thanks. Hi, honey. It's me. I'm right here. Hey, handsome. You know, my whole family was here. It's usually best to be in a coma for that, so...Nice work. I also need to tell you that it's gonna take longer to get into Nathan's basketball games next year because my right boob is gonna set off the metal detector. Apparently, I still have the bullet in me, so you can cross that off your fantasy-girl wish list. So just between us, everybody's putting on a really brave face, but I think they're all really scared. Because they can't imagine losing you. It's too much to imagine. But that's not gonna happen, is it? My man is too strong for that. So why don't -- why don't you surprise us all... And open those beautiful blue eyes and take my breath away like you know you do. Just open those eyes...That see me like no eyes ever have. And I'll be right here waiting.
HOSPITAL
Clay and the guy are on the roof.
MAN: ''Get yourself a limbo girl give that chick a limbo whirl there's a limbo moon above you will fall in limbo love''. I took the moon for granted. I wouldn't do that anymore, if I lived. I also like to think I'd be nicer to people, too. 'M not saying I would be, but I'd like to think I would. You're supposed to talk now.
CLAY: The girl who shot me shot Quinn, too. The thing is... She compelled me, at first. I mean, she was, uh, just imbalanced and obsessive. I've just been thinking, and, um... I don't know, man. Maybe I, uh, maybe I led her on.
MAN: No. No. Crazy is crazy. It's not your fault. ''Every limbo boy and girl all around the limbo world. What? It's catchy. Hey, can I ask you something? You know what comes next? You know, like if we die? I've been kind of worried about that.
CLAY: No. I don't know what comes next. And I don't want to know.
MAN: Yeah. Like I said... I've been worried about it.
CLAY: ''Jack be limbo, Jack be quick''
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan and Haley are in bed, they discuss.
HALEY: I took Quinn to see Clay tonight. She tried to be brave, but you could...you could see the desperation in her eyes.
NATHAN: I remember sitting in the hospital after the state championship game. I was praying that you'd wake up, just sitting there, desperate, helpless... And responsible. But here we are. You were pregnant with Jamie that night.
HALEY: Mm-hmm.
NATHAN: I remember thinking that I didn't want to lose what we had. But I also didn't want to lose what we'd have... The rest of our lives together...Our family...Our someday.
HALEY: That's all she wants...someday. They deserve that.
NATHAN: Everyone deserves that.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Julian and Brooke will lie down.
BROOKE: It was nice having Jamie today. I don't know if I'm allowed to say it, but despite everything, it was a good day.
JULIAN: He likes being with his aunt Brooke.
BROOKE: No, he likes being with you, and I like seeing you two together. I love that you're so good to him.
JULIAN: Does it make you a little sad?
BROOKE: Yeah.
JULIAN: I know. So what's happening with the company?
BROOKE: My mom says that we're keeping the company, and that she and the attorneys can handle everything.
JULIAN: But do we trust her this time?
BROOKE: Honestly? I don't know if I'll ever trust her again. Damn it.
CLOTHES OVER BROS
Brooke calls Victoria but she is busy. She tries to find a solution with help for Millicent.
VICTORIA: That's Brooke.
MILLICENT: Don't you think you should take it?
VICTORIA: I'll talk to her eventually. But...where were we?
MILLICENT: You know, Victoria, I know you're trying to help, but this is how we got here. I hate that I didn't involve Brooke the last time, and I don't feel good about it now.
VICTORIA: I understand that. And I respect it. But consider this...if we had involved Brooke the last time, she'd be going to prison instead of me. Is that what you'd prefer?
MILLICENT: No.
VICTORIA: Okay. So where were we?
MILLICENT: You were talking about how to deal with the press.
VICTORIA: Yes. You're gonna have to do some research.
HOSPITAL
Nathan makes the blood test.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
MOUTH: "Brian's song" was a true story, a Buddy film, a sports tale, an emotional tearjerker, all wrapped up into one great underdog sports movie. But at its core, "Brian's song" was a tale of two friends, one who was dying, and one who would've given anything to save him.
HOSPITAL
Nathan, Haley and Jamie wait the answer of the doctor.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry, Nathan. You're not a match. Haley goes to see Quinn in her room.
QUINN: There has to be something we can do.
HALEY: Yeah, um...Tay says you've been calling everybody in the family shopping for a kidney.
QUINN: There has to be something.
HALEY: He doesn't have much time, Quinn. Haley lets Quinn to see Clay.
NATHAN: I'm sorry.
QUINN: I don't... I don't want to live without you, okay? I'm sorry. I love you so much, and this world is too big and it's too dark and it's too much if you leave it.
MAN: I know this sucks, but it's got to be nice to know that someone loves you like that.
ROAD
Nathan cleans up Clay's car and he drives. Then he stops in front of pre of horses. He cries.
HOSPITAL
Nathan joins at church of the hospital.
HALEY: Brooke and Julian picked up Jamie.
NATHAN: I'm not strong enough for this. My whole life, I've willed myself to face things. Anything that was bigger than me, anything that defeated me, I just kept going until I beat it. Not this. This is too big. I never really understood what you faced when you lost your mom until today. I'm not strong enough, Haley.
HALEY: Yes, you are. And when you're not, you have me.
NATHAN: What are we gonna do?
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
MOUTH: "What are we gonna do?" On the Eve of the fight of his life, rocky balboa can't sleep. So he goes to the arena, and finding no comfort there, he goes home to Adrian. She wakes up and sits with him, there in the shadows of the night, and he confesses that he can't win. It's a fight he's going to lose. And Adrian waits for a moment, and then she says...
HOSPITAL
QUINN: What are we gonna do?
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
MOUTH: "What are we gonna do?" Not "what are you gonna do," but "what are we gonna do?" And that's what I love about "rocky." He knew he wasn't gonna win. He didn't win.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Julian and Brooke lay down Jamie.
JAMIE: Good night, aunt Brooke. Good night, Julian.
JULIAN: Good night, Buddy. Sleep tight.
JAMIE: Aunt Brooke, Julian...you guys are gonna make great parents someday.
HOSPITAL
Quinn is with the bedside of Clay.
MOUTH(Voice-over): He didn't get everything he wished for. But he stayed on his feet long enough to find love.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Somebody knocked on the door, Brooke will open.
BROOKE: Please don't be the police.
MILLICENT: Hi.
BROOKE: Millie, what are you doing here? It's early.
MILLICENT: I know. I need to tell you something.
CLOTHES OVER BROS
Brooke explains with her mother.
BROOKE: Mom?
VICTORIA: She told you, didn't she?
BROOKE: Is it true? Are you going to prison?
VICTORIA: Well, it's...it's white collar. It's more of a country club, really.
BROOKE: It's prison, mother. How could you do this?
VICTORIA: Because you're my daughter, and I love you.
BROOKE: I don't want you to go.
VICTORIA: It's my fault.
HOSPITAL
Jamie gives ideas to parents for Clay's awake.
JAMIE: We should get confetti for when Clay wakes up.
HALEY: Honey, Uncle Clay is very sick.
JAMIE: I know. But remember when you won the state championship game? And Uncle Lucas made the winning shot? Remember how that felt?
NATHAN: Mm-hmm.
JAMIE: So, I think it's gonna feel like that when Clay wakes up. So we should get confetti.
NATHAN: I love you. You know that? Quinn speaks at Clay.
QUINN: I love you. You know that? But I want to talk to you about Sara. Because I know how much you loved her, and how much she loved you. And I don't... I don't know how it works in heaven, but I'm sure that they have a plan for that. For you to be with her but... But to also be with me. Because in my heaven... It's just us. You and me. They must have a plan for that. Clay is still with the guy in the roof.
CLAY: I'm in love with Quinn. But I had a wife that I used to love, too, but she died. How do you suppose that works?
MAN: I don't know. It just does.
CLAY: You think? Because I've been trying to make sense of it, and I can't.
MAN: So what? Look, this doesn't make sense, does it? Couple of ghosts sitting on a roof? But here we are.
CLAY: I never asked you, but, uh, how'd you get here?
MAN: Car accident.
CLAY: I'm sorry.
MAN: Nah, it was my fault. I was texting.
CLAY: Dude... Do you know how stupid that is?
MAN: I do now.
CLAY: So what's your name, anyway?
MAN: It's Will.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
MOUTH: Most great stories are stories of will, of determination and courage in the face of great adversity, of the will to win, of the will to fight, of the will to survive.
HOSPITAL
Clay sees Quinn crying him.
CLAY: I love you, Quinn. He joins Will at waiting room.
CLAY: I don't know how to do this.
WILL: I guess you'll know when you know.
CLAY: I don't want to die.
MOUTH(Voice-over): Most great movies, whether sports films or otherwise, remind us of why we're here, of how precious and precarious our lives are. And of how lucky we are to have each other. There is an urgency in the room of Will. He will die.
WILL: It was good hanging with you.
CLAY: Yeah.
WILL: It's not your fault.
QUINN: I love you, Clay Evans. Till kingdom come.
PRISON
Victoria goes to the police force and thus goes in prison.
QUINN(Voice-over): "Victoria Davis, the key player in the clothes over bros financial scandal, reports to prison today in North Carolina. In exchange for her guilty plea, Ms. Davis was convicted of conspiracy to commit fraud, a reduced sentence that carries with it a shorter prison term."
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan poses the shirts of Jamie on his bed and sees his shirt of Bobcats.
HOSPITAL
Quinn reads newspapers for Clay.
QUINN: ''The Charlotte bobcats are still without recently signed point guard Nathan Scott. No timetable has been set for his return to the team. The team says they may explore free-agent options and would also would consider trading for an established player before the season begins. The Atlanta falcons are still without their top draft pick, quarterback Troy Jameson. The Arkansas prospect continues to hold out."
(Clay awakes)
CLAY: You look pretty. Hi.
QUINN: God, I missed you.
CLAY: Is this heaven?
QUINN: No. Just my version of it.
QUINN(Voice-over): "Will Bennett died Monday evening. Mr. Bennett was an active sportsman, a son, a brother, and beloved by many. His organs were donated so that others might live."
End of the episode. | Plan: A: Clay; Q: Who lives due to a successful kidney transplant from Will? A: guest star Edwin Hodge; Q: Who played Will? A: a man; Q: What is Will's gender? A: the press; Q: What is Brooke dealing with? A: jail; Q: What might Brooke go to because of Victoria and Millicent? Summary: Clay lives due to a successful kidney transplant from Will (guest star Edwin Hodge), a man in a similar position in the in-between. Meanwhile, Brooke deals with the press and the unfortunate news that she might go to jail because of the actions of Victoria and Millicent. |
TERROR OF THE AUTONS
BY: ROBERT HOLMES
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: EXT. PHONE BOX
MASTER: Hello Doctor, is that you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR sits down as he at last hears the voice of his nemesis.)
DOCTOR: Who is this? What do you want?
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: EXT. PHONE BOX
MASTER: Simply to say goodbye, Doctor.
(The MASTER smiles and holds up a small tube-like electronic device next to the mouthpiece. It starts to give out a signalling sound.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
(In the lab, the long flex comes to life, starting to wrap itself round the DOCTOR'S head and upper body and threatening to strangle him...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. CORRIDOR
(Walking along a corridor, the BRIGADIER hears the DOCTOR'S cries...)
DOCTOR: (OOV) Help Brigadier! Help!
(He turns and runs back towards the laboratory.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
(Pushing the door open, he sees the DOCTOR held in the cable's coiled grasp. The DOCTOR struggles the speak.)
DOCTOR: Cable...pull it out...pull it out!
(The BRIGADIER reaches down and yanks the cable sharply out of its socket. He starts to unwind the now slackened cable from around the DOCTOR.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: EXT. PHONE BOX
(The MASTER hears that the connection has been broken. His face dark with anger, he angrily switches the signalling device off and slams the phone down on its receiver.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
(The BRIGADIER finishes unloosening the DOCTOR who groans with relief, putting his hand to his forehead.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You all right, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Yes, more or less.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'm afraid I cut your connection.
(The DOCTOR gives him a look.)
DOCTOR: (Dryly.) Oh, very amusing.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What happened?
DOCTOR: Well, remember what I told you, Brigadier? The Nestenes can put life into anything made of plastic...
(He holds up a length of the phone cable that the BRIGADIER is still holding.)
DOCTOR: ...anything at all.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Grimly.) I see - and there's a lot of plastic around.
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: EXT. ROAD
(The coach continues its journey along a country road. It passes a motorcycle rider hidden in some bushes who starts his machine up and starts to follow.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
(In the lab, the DOCTOR plays his Bunsen burner near to the daffodil which is now secured in a clamp.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Doctor? Doctor?
(The DOCTOR tuts at the CAPTAIN and carries on for a moment with his experiment. Giving up with a sigh, he puts the Bunsen burner down.)
DOCTOR: (To himself.) Well I was wrong - it isn't heat. (To YATES.) Well?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Message from the Brigadier.
DOCTOR: What is it this time?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Oh, it's about these daffodils.
DOCTOR: What about them?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: You remember we had a report of a plastics promotion tour?
DOCTOR: Mmm mm.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Well, er, they're handing out daffodils.
(CAPTAIN YATES has the DOCTOR'S attention. He turns from the daffodil.)
DOCTOR: Who are?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Well, chaps in weird carnival masks, touring round in a coach.
DOCTOR: Mmm...did they say how many they'd given out?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: No they didn't. We've got no idea at all I'm afraid. We don't even know how long they've been doing it. (Embarrassed.) The thing is...ha...the Brigadier wants to know if the daffs are dangerous!
DOCTOR: That, Captain Yates, is what I'm trying to find out.
(He turns back to the immobilised daffodil.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(The BRIGADIER is taking a phone call at his desk, a large map hangs on the wall behind him...)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Excellent, where was it? (He listens.) Well give me the grid reference. (He writes it down.) Yeah... (He listens.) No, just maintain contact. I want to tackle them in open country. (He listens.) Good, keep me informed.
(He puts the phone down and picks it up immediately.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Lethbridge Stewart here, I want a call to the RAF please. Priority red-one strike command.
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
(JO is sat at one of the lab benches, looking over a piece of equipment as the DOCTOR walks up, a microscope slide in his hand.)
DOCTOR: 'Scuse me, Jo.
(JO moves out of the way and the DOCTOR sits at the bench. He puts the slide onto a small flat device and switches it on.)
JO: What are you doing?
DOCTOR: Well this is a section of that daffodil. I'm trying to find out its molecular structure.
(He adjusts the controls. A small black and white monitor sits on the bench. On its screen is a pattern resembling a poor television signal.)
DOCTOR: No...
(The DOCTOR continues to adjust controls and a picture emerges of various circular patterns.)
DOCTOR: Hello, what's this? A programme pattern.
JO: A programme pattern?
DOCTOR: Mmm. Yes, these daffodils have their instructions imprinted on every cell. It's a weapon of some sort. but...what sort?
JO: Well, will those signs help you find out?
DOCTOR: They will if I can translate them.
(The door to the lab opens and the BRIGADIER and YATES walk in, dressed in combat fatigues.)
DOCTOR: My word! You look very fierce.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We've located that coach load of Nestene Autons distributing those daffodils, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Good.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: They're hiding in that same quarry where they took you.
DOCTOR: Well that's curious. Was the Master with them?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I couldn't say. You might be able to identify him afterwards.
DOCTOR: Afterwards?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I've got the R.A.F. to lay on a rocket strike. In a few hours time, that coach will be a pile of scrap iron.
DOCTOR: (To JO) The military mind at its most scintillating! Faced with a problem they blast it off the face of the earth.
JO: What do you think we should do?
DOCTOR: Nothing. Keep them under observation for a while...and give me a chance to find out the purpose of these flowers.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'm sorry, Doctor. I can't afford to take that risk. If that coach moves to a populated area, it'll be impossible to destroy it. The strike will go ahead as planned.
(The two soldiers turn and start to walk out.)
DOCTOR: Captain Yates?
(YATES turns back at the door as the BRIGADIER carries on.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Yes, Doctor?
DOCTOR: How long have we got?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: About an hour and a half. The RAF boys are setting things up now and we have established an observation point at the quarry.
(He turns to go again.)
JO: Mike, can we reach you there?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sure - we'll be in radio contact with HQ and with the RAF. You can get us on one of these.
(He reaches into his pocket and passes a small radio to JO.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: See you, Doc. Bye Jo.
(He follows the BRIGADIER. The DOCTOR turns to JO.)
DOCTOR: An hour and a half.
(He nods and turns back to his work.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: EXT. QUARRY
(The coach stands in the quarry next to a run-down hut. REX stands in the doorway of the coach, anxiously looking out. He turns back inside...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. COACH
(...to where the AUTON LEADER waits.)
REX FARREL: Everything seems quiet.
AUTON LEADER: The humans are watching us.
(Alarmed, REX looks out of the open door.)
REX FARREL: How do you know?
AUTON LEADER: We were followed to this place.
(Still alarmed, REX looks round...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
JO: But won't that profile pattern be a Nestene?
DOCTOR: (Pleased with her logical deduction.) Yes, well done. That's why I'm converting it to visual symbols.
(He manipulates more controls and the picture on the monitor resolves into a vague but nevertheless more coherent picture...)
DOCTOR: Ah, here it comes.
JO: That's a face! A part of one...
DOCTOR: Yes...yes, a nose and a mouth.
JO: What does that mean?
DOCTOR: I've no idea.
JO: So what next?
DOCTOR: Well, if it is a weapon, we must find out what triggers it off. Jo, get in touch with the Brigadier, will you? See if he can hold up that air strike. I must have more time.
(JO switches on the radio that YATES gave her.)
JO: (Into radio.) Hello Greyhound, this is trap one. Do you read me? Over.
(All she receives is static.)
JO: There seems to be something wrong. (Into radio.) Hello Greyhound, this is trap one. Do you read me? Over.
(On the other lab bench, the clamped daffodil starts to turn of its own accord.)
DOCTOR: Jo look!
JO: It's alive!
DOCTOR: Short wave radio! You must have triggered it off with that walkie-talkie. Of course, they must be planning to set them all off at once with a gigantic radio signal.
(He snaps his fingers and wanders across the lab, muttering as he goes.)
DOCTOR: If I could only find out directional ...
(Left behind, JO moves closer to the still moving daffodil.)
JO: It seems to be looking for something.
DOCTOR: Jo, be careful.
(Jo moves nearer.)
DOCTOR: Jo!
(Suddenly, the daffodil sprays out a liquid from within onto JO'S face. She gasps and falls back, desperately clawing at her face. The DOCTOR rushes over to where she stands against a wall and tries to pull away a plastic film that covers her nose and mouth. Failing, he rushes over to the lab bench, picks up and aerosol can and sprays it over the plastic film. He manages to pull the 'mask' away. JO gasps for breath. The DOCTOR pulls her over to a chair.)
DOCTOR: It's all over. You all right?
JO: (Gasping.) Just a bit short of breath...what happened?
DOCTOR: Well, your nose and mouth were...sealed off with this.
(He holds up the plastic.)
JO: What's that?
DOCTOR: Plastic film - you would have been unconscious in two minutes, dead in under ten.
JO: So all those people were killed by the daffodils?
DOCTOR: Yes...
(He looks at the now inert daffodil and walks back towards it.)
DOCTOR: Yes, they must have triggered them off accidentally - just as you did. Jo, do something for me will you?
JO: Yes, of course.
DOCTOR: Get in touch with that idiot Brownrose. See if plastic daffodils were found at the scenes of any of those deaths - oh, and ask him if anybody was using short wave radios, will you?
JO: Okay.
(She starts to walk out.)
DOCTOR: You all right?
JO: Fine Doctor...and thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: EXT. QUARRY
(On a cliff-top at the edge of the quarry, SERGEANT BENTON, another soldier next to him, is speaking into an R/T unit...)
SERGEANT BENTON: Thank you Eagle, message confirmed. Over and out.
(He looks over to where a crouched and hidden BRIGADIER, binoculars in hand is observing the quarry next to CAPTAIN YATES.)
SERGEANT BENTON: That's it then sir. Air strike confirmed.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right.
(The BRIGADIER looks through his binoculars at the stationary coach.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Quietly.) No word from the Doctor then sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No...the air strikes due to begin in... (He checks his watch.) ...thirty-seven minutes. If the Doctor's coming up with anything, he'd better be quick.
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
(Alone in the lab, the DOCTOR puzzles over the remains of the plastic face mask which he holds in his hand.)
DOCTOR: Now why wasn't this stuff found on the bodies?
(On an impulse, he breathes hard on the plastic and watches as it starts to shrivel in his upturned palm. Quickly it dissolves to nothing...)
DOCTOR: Yes of course! Dissolved by carbon dioxide from the lungs.
(He hears a familiar voice behind him...)
MASTER: Good afternoon, Doctor.
(He turns quickly. The MASTER is coming down the metal spiral staircase. He holds the same implosion device in his hand with which he killed Goodge - aimed at the DOCTOR.)
MASTER: I hope I'm not interrupting anything important?
DOCTOR: No, no, indeed not.
(The MASTER quickly looks round the lab to ensure that they are alone.)
DOCTOR: You've come here to kill me of course?
MASTER: But not without...considerable regret.
(He leans a nonchalant arm against one of the lab benches. The DOCTOR, smiling also rests against the other bench.)
DOCTOR: How very comforting.
MASTER: You see Doctor, you're my intellectual equal...almost. I have so few worth opponents. When they've gone, I always miss them.
DOCTOR: How did you get in here?
MASTER: Oh, don't be trivial, Doctor. I see you've been working on the Nestene Autojet. My own small contribution to their invasion plan.
DOCTOR: Mmm, viscous, complicated and inefficient - typical of your way of thinking.
MASTER: Now, come, come Doctor. Death is always more frightening when it strikes invisibly.
DOCTOR: Tell me, how do you intend to activate these flowers?
MASTER: (Matter-of-factly.) Oh, by a radio impulse which the Nestenes will send. I shall open the channel for them. We've distributed four hundred and fifty thousand of these daffodils, so when four hundred and fifty thousand people fall dead, the country will be disrupted.
DOCTOR: And in the confusion the Nestenes will land their invasion force?
MASTER: (His tone grows more menacing.) Exactly. It's a shame that you can't be here to enjoy the chaos and destruction with me. Goodbye Doctor.
(He aims the implosion device at the DOCTOR as the lab door opens and JO walks in...)
JO: You were quite right...
(Whilst the MASTER is distracted, the DOCTOR lunges for an object on the lab bench, then quickly stands back.)
DOCTOR: Wait! Don't shoot!
MASTER: (Mocking.) Doctor, you do disappoint me. We Time Lords are expected to face death with dignity.
JO: (Horrified.) Oh no!
DOCTOR: (To JO.) Don't worry, he's not going to kill me.
MASTER: That is your last mistake.
(The MASTER aims again...)
DOCTOR: If you fire that thing, you will never be able to leave this planet.
MASTER: You're bluffing on an empty hand, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I'm not bluffing and my hand, as you can see, is not empty. If you kill me, you will destroy the dematerialisation circuit from your own TARDIS.
(The DOCTOR'S shot fires home - the MASTER sang-froid disappears...)
DOCTOR: You recognise it, I feel sure.
MASTER: Where did you get that?
DOCTOR: The circus.
MASTER: You underestimate me, Doctor. Let me be quite plain - either you hand that unit over to me now... (He changes his aim.) ...or I kill Miss Grant.
(The DOCTOR considers watched by an agonised JO. After a moment, he accepts the inevitable.)
DOCTOR: Touché
(He is about to hand over the circuit but JO leaps forward pleadingly to him...)
JO: (Shouts.) Don't! He's beaten already! (To the MASTER.) They're going to bomb the quarry!
(The DOCTOR yells an admonition as she gives the game away...)
DOCTOR: Jo!
(Jo hangs her head. The MASTER is plainly surprised at this revelation.)
MASTER: Oh...there's been a slight change of plan, Doctor. I've decided to let you live - for a little while.
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: EXT. QUARRY
(UNIT are still observing...)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (To the BRIGADIER.) Not long now, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. COACH
(REX is starting to panic...)
REX FARREL: What's happening out there?
AUTON LEADER: The human's are planning to attack us.
REX FARREL: We...we should try and leave.
AUTON LEADER: We shall leave soon. Our task is not yet completed.
REX FARREL: He's left us! He's deserted...!
(REX clutches his forehead in pain. His face then clears as his memory does the same...)
REX FARREL: How did I get here? I'm not part of this!
(He makes for the door but the AUTON LEADER chops his neck and he falls to the floor with a cry.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: EXT. QUARRY
(The BRIGADIER counts down on his watch as YATES continues to observe through his binoculars...)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: 29...28...
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Look sir!
(The BRIGADIER stops counting as he looks down into the quarry and sees Bessie drive up to the coach. The DOCTOR is in the driving seat with JO next to him. The MASTER sits in the back, his gun still aimed. The MASTER gets out and indicates that his prisoners should do the same. They do so as he waves them towards the coach. The BRIGADIER yells to BENTON behind him who is still next to the R/T unit.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Benton, stop that air strike!
SERGEANT BENTON: It's too late sir!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well try man, try!
(BENTON picks up the microphone of the R/T unit and starts shouting into it...)
SERGEANT BENTON: Eagle, eagle, eagle, abort, abort, abort!
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. COACH
(Inside the coach, the DOCTOR, JO and even the MASTER looks skywards as the roar of a jet comes closer...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: EXT. QUARRY
(The BRIGADIER watches as the jet screams over without striking. He and YATES breathe a sigh of relief.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. COACH
(The immediate danger passed, the MASTER turns to the Autons and snaps his fingers.)
MASTER: Now tie these two up.
(The carnival masked figures grab the two.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: EXT. QUARRY
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Not a sign of life down there.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: What do we do if they try to move out?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I don't know.
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. COACH
(As the DOCTOR and JO continue to be tied up, the MASTER spots the unconscious FARREL.)
MASTER: Farrel?
AUTON LEADER: Farrel became undependable.
MASTER: Did he? (Smiles.) His father would have been proud of him.
(He is distracted by the groans and cries of JO as she and the DOCTOR are left on the floor at the front of the coach - securely bound.)
JO: Ow! Ah!
MASTER: Yes Miss Grant, they are a little heavy handed. I apologise for your last moments on earth being so uncomfortable, Doctor.
(He delves into the DOCTOR'S pocket and pulls out the dematerialisation circuit.)
MASTER: Er, thank you. (To the Autons.) Right, you come with me.
(The MASTER walks over to another seat where the constantly pulsing Nestene sphere sits in a cardboard box.)
MASTER: Now, because of the change in circumstances, we're going to have to bring our schedule forward. What we're going to do is this: It's absolutely essential that we...
(The MASTER continues outlining his plan whilst, left on the floor, the DOCTOR quietly whispers to JO...)
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) Jo, you know where we are, don't you.
JO: (Whispers.) Roughly, why?
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) We're just three or four miles from the radio telescope.
JO: (Whispers.) So?
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) The Master will activate the daffodils from there.
JO: (Whispers.) Oh...what are you doing.
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) I'm going to warn UNIT. If I can just reach these brake pedals.
(He starts to reach out with his feet.)
JO: (Whispers.) Doctor, if you're going to drive, I want to get off!
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) No, only hope the Brigadier's keeping his eyes open.
(JO breathes a sigh of relief as the DOCTOR struggles to reach the pedal.)
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) Got it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: EXT. QUARRY
(Outside the coach, the brake lights start to flash in a Morse code signal. YATES spots this through his binoculars. He turns and whispers urgently to the BRIGADIER who joins him lying at the edge of the cliff-top.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir! Sir! The brake lights are flashing.
(The BRIGADIER looks through his own binoculars.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, you're right. Somebody's signalling.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: The Doctor!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Benton?
SERGEANT BENTON: Yes sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Get this down - E...S...T...
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. COACH
(The DOCTOR continues to press the pedal whilst lying awkwardly bound.)
JO: (Whispers.) Do you think they're getting it?
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) If I can just keep trying...
(He does so whilst the MASTER can be heard in the background still giving his instructions to his plastic allies...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: EXT. QUARRY
(The BRIGADIER continues to dictate the signal...)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: ...I...O...N. That's it. Read that back, Benton.
SERGEANT BENTON: "Daffodils are lethal. Activated soon. Destroy immediately. Guard radio research station."
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Benton, send an alert to the civil police. I want radio and TV warnings, loudspeaker vans, house to house, the lot.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right away, sir.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Captain Yates, rustle up every available man and put a guard on that radio research station.
SERGEANT BENTON: (Into R/T unit.) Hello, bluebottle three? This is greyhound, do you read me?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'll stay here with the coach.
(YATES nods and moves away.)
SERGEANT BENTON: (Into R/T unit.) Do you read me? Over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
28: INT. COACH
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) You know, Jo, it's a pity escapology wasn't part of your curriculum.
JO: (Whispers.) Funny you should say that - look!
(She holds up a free hand.)
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) Well done!
JO: (Whispers.) Careful!
(The MASTER finishes his conference and turns back to his prisoners.)
MASTER: Well I hope that you two have enjoyed your little rest. Right, the time has come for our final move.
(He snaps his fingers. The Autons move forward and pick up the DOCTOR and JO from the floor and start to drag them towards the back of the coach. One of the Autons gets into the driving seat as REX starts to come round. The coach engine starts up.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
29: EXT. QUARRY
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: They're on the move. Come on, Benton.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right sir.
(The BRIGADIER gets up from his observation point.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30: INT. COACH
(On a seat further back in the coach, the DOCTOR turns to JO.)
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) That's it, I'm free.
[SCENE_BREAK]
31: EXT. COUNTRY ROAD
(Driven by the carnival masked Auton, the coach continues onwards, driving through a large puddle of water as it goes. A moment later, the UNIT staff car follows.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
32: INT. COACH
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) If he slows down, we might be able to jump for it.
JO: (Whispers.) Right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
33: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(The coach drives round the perimeter of the Research establishment, taking the same route as that used by Bessie on the DOCTOR'S first visit. At the entrance gate, YATES sees the coach approaching and yells to the UNIT troops.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Right, take your positions! Quick!
(The quickly do so, guns aimed.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
34: INT. COACH
(On the front seat, FARRELL'S face clears as he remembers. He dives forward and starts to wrench the steering wheel round whilst it is still in the Auton's grasp.)
MASTER: Get back, Farrel!
[SCENE_BREAK]
35: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(The coach swerves from side to side across the road as it approaches the entrance. The UNIT troops dive out of the way as the coach misses the front gate and, driving through the entrance sign, ploughs into a field that adjoins the Research Establishment. As it careers across the stubbled ground, the emergency exit door swings open and the DOCTOR falls out, rolling across the ground to break his fall. He sits up as JO also falls out. He runs over to her and helps her up.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
36: INT. COACH
(Within the coach, the MASTER gives up struggling to free FARREL'S grasp of the wheel and delivers him a vicious blow across the back of the neck. With a cry, FARREL falls to the floor.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
37: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(The coach glides to a halt on the other side of the field. The DOCTOR helps JO to the perimeter fence of the Research Establishment. She sits on the ground, obviously in pain.)
DOCTOR: Are you all right?
JO: It's my ankle.
[SCENE_BREAK]
38: INT. COACH
(The MASTER opens the door of the coach in order to exit it.)
AUTON LEADER: The two humans have escaped.
MASTER: (Angrily.) Never mind about them! I must get to the radio telescope.
AUTON LEADER: The Autojets are being destroyed. It's too late.
MASTER: No!
(He points to the emergency door.)
MASTER: Get out there - all of you. Keep those soldiers back!
[SCENE_BREAK]
39: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(The emergency door opens again and the carnival masked Autons jump out of the coach one by one. They hold their hands up in readiness. The lead Auton's fingers drop down and the gun emerges. A UNIT soldier runs forward but is blasted to the ground - an orange flash and smoke erupting him his chest. YATES throws a grenade and an Auton is flung into the air by the detonation. The UNIT staff car carrying the BRIGADIER and BENTON with another soldier drives up as a furious gun battle erupts. The DOCTOR runs over to it and shouts through the open window.)
DOCTOR: Brigadier, those daffodils...
(JO runs up, pointing at the pylon.)
JO: Doctor, look!
(The small figure of the MASTER can be seen ascending the metal stairway.)
DOCTOR: The radio telescope! We must stop him reaching the control - he'll open the channel for the Nestenes.
(He runs off as the MASTER continues his journey upwards. A white-jacketed technician coming down from the control cabin meets him half way. The MASTER hits out at him and the technician falls over the side and to the distant ground below. The DOCTOR, JO, the BRIGADIER and BENTON run up to the fallen man as they approach the pylon.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Benton, get a stretcher party - and get some more men.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right sir.
(BENTON runs off. JO stays with the technician as the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER start to ascend the stairway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
40: INT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT. CONTROL CABIN
(In the control cabin, the MASTER frantically turns the wheel controls and then looks out of the window - a look of triumph on his face.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
41: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(The two telescopes turn into alignment and this time face each other.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
42: INT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT. CONTROL CABIN
(Satisfied, the MASTER turns back to the controls.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
43: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT. CONTROL CABIN GANTRY
(The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER reach the door of the control cabin. An swirling alien noise starts to fill the air as the DOCTOR tries to open the door.)
DOCTOR: It's locked.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Stand back, Doctor.
(He does so and the BRIGADIER shoots the lock.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
44: INT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT. CONTROL CABIN
(They burst into the cabin to see the MASTER smiling and looking out of the window. He points and shouts above the alien cacophony.)
MASTER: Too late, Doctor! The Nestenes are here.
(The two new arrivals turn and follow his gaze.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
45: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(A form is starting to materialise between the two aerials of the telescopes. White and shimmering, it shape vaguely resembles that of an octopus.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
46: INT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT. CONTROL CABIN
MASTER: Amateur landing of course, not the way I planned it.
DOCTOR: If only we can shut off the power.
MASTER: Impossible - they've taken control. No one can stop them now. Your precious little planet is finished!
DOCTOR: If we're finished, then you're finished too!
MASTER: (Indignant.) Nonsense! I helped them to come here.
DOCTOR: Do you really think that that thing will distinguish between you and us?
(The MASTER considers this unforeseen point...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
47: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(YATES stops momentarily to observe the materialising creature but quickly returns to the battle with the Autons. UNIT troops have set up a machine gun and start firing but the Autons quickly blast them. One by one, the soldiers are being massacred by the plastic robots. Lying on the ground and firing his pistol, YATES is joined by BENTON who scrambles to his side.)
SERGEANT BENTON: It's no good sir, we just can't hold them!
(With no choice but to carry one, YATES continues to fire as the shape of the Nestene continues to shimmer between the telescopes.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
47: INT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT. CONTROL CABIN
(The MASTER continues to ponder the DOCTOR'S observation as the BRIGADIER shouts above the sound of the alien noise...)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Can't you do anything, Doctor?!
DOCTOR: Not unless we change the polarity.
MASTER: Whilst the transfer shift is still open?
DOCTOR: It will fling them right out into space.
MASTER: (Realising.) You're right!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, you'd better try it and quick!
DOCTOR: Get onto the transfer bank - I'll switch the power through.
(The MASTER runs over to one control console whilst the DOCTOR mans another.)
DOCTOR: Are you ready?
MASTER: Yes!
DOCTOR: Right, now!
(They each frantically start to manipulate the controls. There is a small explosion on the console that the DOCTOR is working on and the whole room is suffused with a white flare as the occupants are thrown from side to side. At the same time the alien noise begins to diminish.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
48: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(Outside the shimmering Nestene starts to float out of alignment from the telescopes and, as it does so, it fades away. YATES and BENTON see this from their point of cover on the ground. They then look over towards the Autons who start to stagger on their feet, as if intoxicated, then one by one they fall to the ground amongst the bodies of their soldier victims.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
49: INT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT. CONTROL CABIN
(The DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER picks themselves up off the floor.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well Doctor, it worked.
DOCTOR: Yes, but only just. Another minute and we'd have been too late.
(The BRIGADIER looks round and sees that they are alone in the cabin.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He's gone!
DOCTOR: After him, quick!
(They run out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
50: EXT. BEACON HILL RESEARCH ESTABLISHMENT
(His pistol carefully aimed, YATES reaches out to examine one of the disabled Autons on the ground when JO suddenly cries out.)
JO: Look!
(YATES looks up and sees the figure of the MASTER running behind the coach on the other side of the field. He fires several shots as the DOCTOR and the BRIGADIER run up.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir! He's in the coach sir, we've got him now!
DOCTOR: Don't be too sure.
(The emergency door of the coach opens and the MASTER jumps out. Hands raised he starts to make his way across the field towards the UNIT group.)
DOCTOR: Don't trust him, Brigadier, it's a trick.
(The renegade walks nearer and nearer. As he gets close he whips out a gun. YATES fires immediately and the MASTER staggers as the bullets catch him. One final bullet finishes him off and he falls to the ground, face down. All except the DOCTOR run forward. He watches suspiciously, then follows. YATES turns the body over.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Well, that's the end of him.
(The DOCTOR reaches down...and tears the MASTER'S face away - it is FARREL. The DOCTOR holds the mask in his hands.)
DOCTOR: I told you not to be too sure.
(The coach engine suddenly starts up.)
JO: Look out!
(The group dive for safety as the coach, driven by the MASTER bears down on them. It swerves, aiming especially for the DOCTOR but he dodges to one side again, then watches as the coach mounts the road and drives off. The DOCTOR gives a slight smile.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
51: INT. UNIT HEADQUARTERS. LABORATORY
(Later, the BRIGADIER, still in his combat fatigues reports to the DOCTOR and JO.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, we found the abandoned coach but the Master disappeared completely.
JO: He's probably left Earth by now.
DOCTOR: Oh no.
JO: What makes you so sure?
(The DOCTOR reaches into the tripod-like device that he was working on earlier and picks out a dematerialisation control.)
DOCTOR: Well his TARDIS can't go anywhere - not without this.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And what the dickens is that?
DOCTOR: Well that's a dematerialisation circuit. It's very complicated.
JO: (Realising.) So the one he took from you...
DOCTOR: ...belonged to my TARDIS, yes...yes, I've been trying to repair it for months.
JO: And now he's stuck here on Earth.
DOCTOR: (Smiles.) Yes, I'm afraid so.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Think he'll turn up again, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Mmm, bound to.
JO: Well, you don't seem very worried about it.
DOCTOR: I'm not. As a matter of fact, Jo, I'm quite looking forward to it! | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who discovers the plastic daffodils are designed to fire a spray that asphyxiates people? A: havoc; Q: What does the Doctor discover the plastic daffodils are designed to cause? A: the Nestene's arrival; Q: What event is the Doctor trying to warn about? A: Nestene; Q: Who arrives before the Doctor and Jo are captured? A: the Master; Q: Who captures the Doctor and Jo? Summary: The Doctor discovers the plastic daffodils are designed to fire a spray that asphyxiates people, causing havoc prior to the Nestene's arrival, but before he can alert anyone he and Jo are captured by the Master. |
Klaus (voiceover): My siblings and I are the first vampires in all of history, the Originals. 300 years ago, we helped build New Orleans. Now, we have returned to find the city has a new king, who rules with the aid of a powerful girl. They've taken possession of my brother, Elijah. A coven of witches want this girl for themselves; they seek to enlist my help, using my unborn child as leverage, though I suspect they have ulterior motives. So, I've made a plan of my own: I will free my brother, and reclaim the city for my family. Then, I will be king.
ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH; DAVINA'S ROOM; MIKAELSON MANSION
[A montage plays while Klaus speaks in voiceover: Marcel walks through the pews of the church; Davina kneels over Elijah's body, removes the dagger, and stares at it. At the Mikaelson mansion, Klaus stares at a large painting in his mansion as he talks to Cami.]
Klaus (voiceover): Over the course of my life, I've encountered no shortage of those who would presume to speak of good and evil. Such terms mean nothing. People do what is in their best interest, regardless of who gets hurt. Is it evil to take what one wants? To satisfy hunger, even if doing so will cause another suffering? What some would call evil, I believe to be an appropriate response to a harsh and unfair world.
Cami: No offense, but I'm not sure I follow why you've invited me here.
Klaus: Because I enjoy your company. And I sense that you have the capacity for understanding someone of my... complexity. You see, I returned to New Orleans to investigate a threat posed against me. What I found was a young woman, pregnant, in need of protection. My brother, always the do-gooder, tried to manipulate me into helping her-he thought it might redeem me. Trouble is, I've since learned of another young woman-a girl, really, one with vast potential-held in captivity by a tyrant. I want to help both of these women-protect one and free the other. So, tell me, Cami-does that sound evil to you?
Cami: I don't believe in evil as a diagnosis. I think you have unstable personal relationships, stress-related paranoia, chronic anger issues, fear of abandonment. I think you could benefit from talking to someone. Professionally.
[Klaus smiles.]
Klaus: I think I prefer to talk to you. So, I'm going to offer you a job, as my stenographer.
Cami: Okay, what are we writing?
Klaus: My memoirs, of course. Someone should know my story. And it will give us time to discuss other riveting subjects, like your handsome suitor, Marcel.
Cami: Excuse me? My private life is-
Klaus: Your private life is, as it turns out, essential to my plans. You see, Marcel wants you. And, because of that, he will trust you, which serves me. The thing is, the French Quarter is on the verge of war. On the one side there's me, and on the other, Marcel. Along with a very powerful witch and an army of vampires.
Cami: WHAT?
[Klaus zooms over, pushes her against a wall, and compels her]
Klaus: You're frightened. Don't be.
Cami: [puzzled] I'm not scared anymore. That's... amazing. How did you...?
Klaus: It's called compulsion. It's a neat bit of vampire trickery. I'll tell you all about it. But first, let's talk a little more about Marcel.
[Cami stares at him]
[TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS]
DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM - "Klaus saved my life. I owe him one."
[Marcel leans over Elijah's body in his coffin, while Davina looks out the window]
Marcel: This sucker's resilient. He's like a cockroach in a suit. [beat] Doesn't matter. Time to give ol' Elijah back to Klaus, anyway.
Davina: You asked me to figure out a way to kill the Originals. I'm not done! The silver dagger hurts them, but that's it.
Marcel: Davina, we've been through this. Klaus saved my life, I owe him one. Since he wants his brother back-
Davina: Tonight's the annual Dauphine Street Music Festival. I wanna go. Please?
Marcel: The whole point of you being up here is so you're never spotted out there. You know who works smack in the middle of Dauphine Street? Sophie Deveraux. Pain-in-the-ass witch, and you know what the witches will do to you if they find you.
Davina: But you control the witches. Make her go away!
[Marcel shakes his head]
Davina: Marcel, it's one night!
Marcel: I said 'No'.
[Marcel turns and walks toward the door to leave]
Davina: I do anything you say, but sometimes I think you forget what I'm capable of. Did you know I can make someone's blood boil? All I have to do is focus.
[She stares at Marcel, and we can hear the hiss of boiling blood as he starts to sweat]
Marcel: [smiles] Fine. We compromise, all right? You going out alone-too dangerous. But, I'll introduce you to a friend of mine that's going to be there. Alright? Nice lady. You two are really gonna hit it off.
[Davina smiles widely and bounces on her heels]
ROUSSEAU'S - "That's how compulsion works, love."
[Klaus enters as Cami wipes down the bar at work]
Klaus: Hello, Cami.
Cami: How is it that when you come up to me now, and no one else is around, I suddenly remember that you just told me you're a vampire, and you're mind-controlling me? And then you leave, and then I go back to thinking you're just some hot guy with a cute accent and money to burn on your sprawling memoir?
[Amused, Klaus leans in and answers in a low voice.]
Klaus: Well, that's how compulsion works, love.
Cami: Yeah, but what's happening? Is it hypnosis? Are my neurons being shut down somehow?
Klaus: You're always the curious scholar. Let's talk about Marcel. [gestures to the bar] You said you have a little information for me.
Cami: He's bringing someone to the music festival tonight. A girl he's mentoring. Apparently she's going through a hard time. Rebelling against authority, anger issues, that sort of thing. I guess with my psych degree, he figured I could set her straight, but I said no.
Klaus: I'm going to go ahead and insist that you change your answer to 'yes'.
[She stares at Klaus for a moment]
Cami: You're going to force me to do this, aren't you? Why even bother with politeness?
Klaus: Because I like you. I like the way your mind works. Under different circumstances, I think we might be friends. However, I don't have the luxury of passing up tonight's opportunity. You see, in addition to being Marcel's rather potent secret weapon, this girl, Davina, is holding my brother captive. In other words-[Klaus compels Cami]-the girl needs your help. Call Marcel. Tell him you'd be happy to oblige.
MIKAELSON MANSION - "How does one begin, anyway?
[Hayley sits on the couch, flipping through a book as she talks to Agnes; at the table, Rebekah sits and types on a laptop]
Hayley: I told you Agnes, I feel great!
Agnes: You are overdue for a checkup.
Hayley: What am I gonna do? Pop into the Quarter for a quick ultrasound? A pregnant werewolf escorted by a witch-nothing to see here!
Rebekah: A lot of women would kill to have a child. It strikes me as odd that you're not taking better care of yours.
Agnes: I know a doctor out in the bayou. Off the beaten path. Now, I took the liberty of making an appointment for you. Tonight, after-hours, just us. Vampires will never get word of it.
[Hayley thinks for a moment and rolls her eyes]
Hayley: Okay, fine. Bayou-baby-doctor it is.
[Agnes and Hayley leave the room.
Cut to Rebekah: she is looking at satellite photos of the French Quarter. Klaus walks in]
Klaus: Please, sister, tell me you're not still at it with the internet search. How does one begin, anyway? Just type in "anonymous attic?"
[Klaus pours himself a scotch]
Rebekah: Someone has to find Elijah, even if I have to search every bloody attic in New Orleans.
Klaus: Like looking for a needle in a rather large pile of needles.
Rebekah: I remember details about the attic Marcel took me to. There were shutters on the windows behind Elijah's coffin.
Klaus: Well, that should narrow it down immensely. Myself, I prefer actual strategy as opposed to mind-numbing labor. Marcel's delay in returning our brother makes me suspect he's no longer in charge of the situation. If Davina's loyalty to Marcel is strained, perhaps the young witch will be open to discussing a new alliance.
Rebekah: [smiles bitterly] As usual, your power grabs are more important than rescuing your brother.
Klaus: I prefer to think of it as killing two birds with one stone. Rob Marcel of his secret weapon, bring our brother home.
[Rebekah merely looks at her brother, smiles tightly.]
NIGHTWALKER BAR - "We got ourselves one high-class Original Vampire."
[A crowd of nightwalkers hang out in small groups in a dark bar. Josh approaches Diego, who is feeding on a young woman]
Josh: Hey, Diego!
[Diego scowls and stops feeding on the girl. As he wipes the blood from his mouth, he drops the unconscious girl onto the floor before reluctantly turning toward Josh]
Diego: What?
Josh: Uhhh, do you know any way to fast track the whole... getting a daylight ring thing?
Diego: You get a daylight ring when you get invited into the inner circle. For you, that may never happen.
Josh: Yeah, but there's an opening, right? Now that Thierry's like... you know-
Diego: You shut up about Thierry, alright? He didn't deserve what he got. Marcel was just showing off because for Klaus. Can't wait 'til his ancient-ass is outta here.
[Rebekah enters the bar.]
Rebekah: You and me both.
[Diego stands up, claps his hands, and walks toward Rebekah]
Diego: Look alive, boys. We got ourselves one high-class Original vampire.
Rebekah: Mmm, a real charmer. What if I told you I could help you out with your little Klaus problem, in exchange for the tiniest bit of gossip?
[Diego's face turns serious as he considers the offer]
Diego: Like what?
Rebekah: You might have heard the rumors that Marcel and I were quite the item, back in the day. He seems to have moved on, and I'd like to know with who.
[Diego scoffs and turns back to the bar]
Diego: You've seen him with the bartender.
Rebekah: What, that plain-Jane that he carries on with? Only a blind man would choose her over me. There must be another girl in his harem.
[Diego shrugs and shakes his head]
Rebekah: Look, I just need the tiniest bit of closure. And then I can leave New Orleans and I'll be sure to take Klaus with me, which, let's face it, would make your life a whole lot easier?
Diego: [sighs] Look, Marcel's got a full plate. If he's seeing some other hottie, she's somewhere in the Quarter, probably close by.
[Rebekah smiles]
Diego: And that, milady, is all I got.
DAUPHINE STREET MUSIC FESTIVAL - "So, we should probably go over the rules."
[Marcel walks along Dauphine Street as he gives instructions to a group of his vampires]
Marcel: Big event tonight, a lot of people drinking, a lot of eyes watching. I don't want any trouble, which means no witches. Send word through the Cauldron-any witches come here, we kill them. And, while you're at it, no Originals, I don't like how Rebekah's been snooping around. I got my girl Cami coming, her and a little friend of hers, I want eyes on them at all times; eyes only. Alright? I don't want anyone getting anywhere near either of them. Everybody's got a post, everybody keeps an eye out. You cool?
[The vampires look at Marcel in agreement for a moment before walking away]
[It's night time now. Davina smiles broadly as she walks down Dauphine Street in a white sundress, looking at all the people and listening to the music. Marcel and Davina walk into Rousseau's, which is teeming with people drinking and listening to a brass band play up front]
Marcel: So, is it everything you hoped for?
[Davina shakes her head enthusiastically and giggles]
Davina: Yeah!
[Davina spots a young boy yelling for a friend near the bar, whooping for the band members]
Marcel: So, we should probably go over the rules.
Davina: [sighs] I won't talk to anyone about anything. I won't say anything about witches, or vampires, or Originals, or YOU.
[Marcel nods at Davina and smiles]
Davina: [smiles, embarrassed] You said you weren't going to hover!
[Marcel looks at her incredulously, and Davina laughs]
THE BAYOU CLINIC - "THIS is the doctor's office?"
[It's dark, and Agnes drives Hayley up to the obstetrician in the Bayou in her car. Owls hoot in the background]
Hayley: This is the doctor's office?
Agnes: [smiles] Dr. Paige is only this far out because Marcel's men kept terrorizing her patients. Go! She won't bite!
[Hayley nervously exits the car and walks toward the clinic. Once she's out of earshot, Agnes calls someone on her cell phone]
Agnes: [frowns] Send them in now and tell them to do it quickly.
ROUSSEAU'S - DAUPHINE STREET FESTIVAL - "Sooo, what's his name? Hot guy with the fiddle?"
[The young boy Davina was watching earlier is on stage with another band, playing a fiddle. Davina continues to watch him intently. Over at the bar, Marcel keeps an eye on Davina as he chats with Cami]
Marcel: It's good to see you. I was worried you thought I was some hothead after that display at the masquerade.
Cami: We all have our hot-headed moments! [shrugs] Anyway, I'm almost done here until clean-up, so the two of us girls can hang out if you need to go shmooze, or whatever.
[Davina leans over to butt into their conversation]
Davina: You know, he was supposed to stop hovering like, ten minutes ago.
Marcel: [to Cami] See what I mean? Authority issues! I'll go talk to the mayor-he actually knows how to show some respect!
[Cami watches Davina stare at the boy, and smiles as she approaches her]
Cami: Soooo, what's his name? Hot guy with the fiddle? Davina: [smiles shyly] Tim.
[Cami smiles encouragingly]
Davina: I knew he would be here, he always performs at these kinda things.
Cami: How long have you two known each other?
Davina: Since we were ten. [beat[ I had to leave school, and I didn't get to say goodbye. So, I was just hoping to talk to him tonight.
[The band finishes their song, and all the patrons of the bar whoop and applaud them. Davina continues to smile and watch Tim play]
ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH - "What's your name?" - "Father Kieran. And you are?" - "Mildly curious."
[A priest is cleaning up a very run-down looking church when Rebekah enters]
Priest: [briefly looks at Rebekah before going back to what he was doing] Church is closed. If you want your horror fix, go take a ghost tour.
Rebekah: I don't much care for ghosts. I am, however, fascinated by window shutters. I've been on a town tour of them all day. I noticed the windows of your attic have shutters.
Priest: Are you really interested in shutters?
Rebekah: I can assure you it's my current life obsession. [beat] What's your name?
Priest: Father Kieran. And you are?
Rebekah: Mildly curious.
[Father Kieran sighs deeply as Rebekah notices a red stain on the nearby wall]
Rebekah: What happened here?
Father Kieran: [sighs again] St. Ann's used to be the heart of the neighborhood. It's been abandoned for a while now. Since the night of the massacre.
[Flashback to a young, blonde seminary student in the church, who murders several other seminary students by beheading them with a scythe, before ultimately killing himself the same way, despite Father Kieran's pleas]
Father Kieran: Nine seminary students were killed... by one of their own. [beat] You're standing on blood.
Rebekah: I'm not squeamish. Where's the attic?
Father Kieran: Like I said, the church is closed.
[Rebekah moves herself right in front of his face and compels him]
Rebekah: Where is the attic?
Father Kieran: Past the sacristy, up the stairs.
Rebekah: [smiles] Thank you. Now, forget I was here.
[Rebekah walks away. After a moment, Father Kieran shakes his head, as if shaking himself out of a daze]
[Upstairs, Rebekah finds the attic and opens the door]
Rebekah: I knew it!
[She tries to enter the room, but she can't, because Davina has somehow magically revoked her invitation. In the doorway, she looks over at her brother laying in his open coffin. His eyes open and look toward her, and he uses his mental abilities to speak with Rebekah in her head, using a memory of them going to an opera in New Orleans in the 1880s as a backdrop. They are both dressed in 19th century finery and standing in front of a horse and carriage]
Rebekah: What the bloody hell?
[Elijah approaches her from behind, smiling rogueishly]
Elijah: Rebekah, language, please!
Rebekah: Elijah!
[Rebekah runs toward him and hugs him tightly before looking around them]
Rebekah: What is all this?
Elijah: You don't remember? We went to the opera house together. It was your first full day back into New Orleans' society after Klaus removed the dagger from you. It's a memory that only you and I share. Also, I needed to know it wasn't another one of Davina's tricks.
Rebekah: Well, how are you even awake?
Elijah: [smiles] Davina removed the dagger, unaware that doing so even once would negate the dagger's power. In a few hours, I shall be as good as new!
Rebekah: So, pop me into the attic and we can find a way to get you out!
Elijah: I'm afraid I'm not quite ready to leave yet, Rebekah. [beat] This girl, Davina, she's...curious. Willful, too. [pours himself and Rebekah a drink] Soon, I shall be able to speak to her, perhaps to even propose a truce of some kind. So, if we can end this war between the vampires and the witches, we'll be able to eliminate the threat to Hayley, and her baby. Perhaps then Niklaus and our entire family can finally know peace. [hands Rebekah her drink] In the meantime, I need you to look after Hayley. She is our family now, so I need her and her unborn child to fall underneath our protection. [holds out his drink to toast to her] Swear to me, Rebekah.
[He returns her back to reality, where she still stands in the doorway, looking at him in his coffin]
Rebekah: I swear.
[Rebekah turns to leave]
BAYOU CLINIC - "A unique birthmark."
[Dr. Paige is giving Hayley an ultrasound, and we can hear the fetal heartbeat]
Dr. Paige: Your baby's heart rate is perfect. [smiles]
Hayley: [smiles in return] I knew it. She's a tough one, like her mom.
[Dr. Paige chuckles and hands her a tissue to wipe the ultrasound gel off of her abdomen, which she does. As Hayley sits up, Dr. Paige notices Hayley's crescent-moon shaped birthmark on her shoulder]
Dr. Paige: That's a unique birthmark.
Hayley: [puts on sweater] We're pretty much done here, right?
[Hayley gets a text from Rebekah, which reads "Where are you?"]
Dr. Paige: Your blood pressure is a bit high, I've got something for it.
[Hayley watches as she walks away, to where Agnes is waiting in the next room. She texts "Bayou clinic with doctor" to Rebekah. Suddenly, a wolf howls loudly, startling Hayley. She gets up to look out the window and sees a car's headlights approaching, which makes her suspicious and anxious. Dr. Paige returns with her medication]
Hayley: Ahh, you know, I'm-I'm actually not that good with pills.
Dr. Paige: [nervous] Heh, neither am I, truth be told.
[Dr. Paige sets the medicine cup on the table and starts preparing something. A group of intimidating-looking men walk into the clinic and whisper something unintelligible to Agnes. Hayley turns around to see Dr. Paige preparing a syringe, and the doctor lunges at Hayley to inject her with it. Hayley grabs her arm and pushes it away from her, headbutts the doctor to disorient her, and then stabs the syringe into the doctor's neck. When the men in the lobby see what happened, they run toward the door, but Hayley manages to shut and lock it before they can enter. One of the men rattles the doorknob as Hayley struggles to open the window to escape. When they finally get in, Hayley has already escaped and began running away]
OUTSIDE ROUSSEAU'S - DAUPHINE STREET MUSIC FESTIVAL
[Outside, Tim struggles to unlock his car, as his hands are full with his fiddle case.]
Klaus: [behind him] Hello, Tim.
[Tim just stares at him blankly]
Klaus: I believe you and I share an acquaintance. [grips him tightly by the shoulder and compels him] Be a good lad and help me send her a message.
[Cami and Davina are still inside Rousseau's, looking for Tim]
Cami: Well, he couldn't have gone far, he just got off-stage a minute ago!
[Davina sighs and blinks tears from her eyes]
Davina: It doesn't matter, this was a stupid idea anyway.
Cami: No, it wasn't! Davina-
Davina: Just forget it. [runs off]
[Klaus approaches Cami from behind and hands her a note]
Klaus: Tell her this is from one of the musicians. She'll want to leave, and you're going to want to help her slip out the back exit so Marcel doesn't see. [beat] Whatever you do, don't let her out of your sight.
[Cami looks slightly annoyed, but when she turns around to talk to Klaus, he has already zoomed away]
Cami: Wait, Davina!
[Cami runs to catch up with her]
[SCENE_BREAK]
ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH - "The boy has a gift. You can't compel a person to play like that."
[Tim is standing in the aisle, staring at the statues and lit candles at the altar in the front of the room, when Cami and Davina find him there. Cami smiles at Davina encouragingly.]
Davina: [whispers] I can't do this.
[Cami, still smiling, gently pushes Davina toward Tim and watches as she approaches him. Tim turns around when he hears her, and his face brightens]
Davina: [waves awkwardly] Hey, Tim. I got your note.
Tim: I got your text message.
Davina: Thanks for meeting me here. [sighs and smiles]
Tim: [laughs] Uh, it's so amazing to see you-I can't even believe I'm standing here right now. I just... [sighs] Wow.
[Davina giggles nervously]
Tim: SO, how have you been? [laughs] And why did you want to meet here? It's so creepy... all the terrible stuff that happened?
[Davina walks toward altar]
Davina: I dunno, I kind of like it! It's quiet. The place can't be bad for all time, just because one bad thing happened... right?
Tim: Wait, no, uh, alright, back up. So where...? [beat] One day you just stopped coming to school, and then it's like you just... vanished.
Davina: There was an emergency... and I needed to take care of some things.
Tim: Oh, are you okay? I mean, you look okay-you look great, actually.
[Davina giggles]
Tim: So, are you coming back to school?
[Davina's smile falls, and then so does Tim's]
Davina: [beat] No. But I need you to know that even though I was away, I miss you. [smiles] I miss seeing you at school, seeing you play your violin.
[Tim gulps nervously and gestures to the walls of the room]
Tim: Well, this place does have great acoustics.
[Davina looks confused for a moment, until she sees him pick up his violin and bow. She sits down to watch and listen to him play]
[Cami is staring at the bloodstains on the walls in the back of the church, listening to Tim play for Davina, when Klaus joins her]
Klaus: The boy has a gift. You can't compel a person to play like that.
Cami: I know what you are. It's crazy to me, but at least it makes sense. But this... massacre... was just a pointless, brutal thing. In your life, have you ever heard of anything like that? A good man, an aspiring priest, just goes on a killing spree out of nowhere.
[Klaus sits next to Cami]
Klaus: I've seen quite a lot in my time. The world is a rather awful place. Best to meet it on its own terms.
Cami: [shakes her head] No. The world isn't awful. People aren't awful. They want to be good; something makes them bad. Something breaks them down, makes them snap. There are always signs, symptoms, before someone has a psychotic break. The guy who did this had none of them; he didn't drink, he didn't do drugs...
Klaus: You're well-informed on the matter. [beat] You knew him, didn't you?
Cami: [blinks back tears] His name was Sean. He was my brother. My twin, actually. I can't sleep, I... dream, about what happened, and I hate it, and I hate that I couldn't help him.
Klaus: We all must stand alone against our demons.
Cami: What if someday, his demons become mine too?
[She looks at him expectantly, and he notices that Tim has finished playing]
Klaus: I have some business I should attend to...but before I do-
[Klaus places a hand on her shoulder and looks in her eyes to compel her]
Klaus: You should go, enjoy the music. Put this out of your mind.
[Klaus lets go of her, and she leaves the church to return to the festival]
DAUPHINE STREET FESTIVAL - "To be continued."
[Father Kieran walks down Dauphine Street when he sees Marcel walking around the festival]
Father Kieran: Marcel!
Marcel: Father Kieran-welcome back. I wasn't sure when you'd be coming home.
Father Kieran: I can tell, judging by what's been going on in my church attic.
Marcel: [smiles coldly] I didn't think you'd mind. Lord knows I've done you a favor or two.
Father Kieran: [lowers voice] I take it you know the Originals have returned? The sister, Rebekah? I saw her earlier, snooping around the church, asking about the attic. She doesn't know I take vervain. You gotta problem on your hands.
Marcel: No disrespect, for the grieving process, for you and your church, but just so I know-are you here to help, or are you just going to drop in with criticism?
[Father Kieran laughs coldly, and leans in to whisper to Marcel]
Father Kieran: Never forget, Marcel, that you live in this city by the grace of those who know your secret and tolerate you.
Marcel: And this city thrives because of me and my people. Anytime that you need a reminder of that, just let me know.
[Marcel stares at Father Kieran menacingly, but their argument is interrupted by Josh]
Josh: Marcel? Diego said he lost eyes on the girls.
Marcel: [turns to Father Kieran] To be continued!
ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH - "Don't dare hurt him!"
Klaus: You two are absolutely adorable! Warms my heart, it really does, but I do need a word with the young lady. So, Tim, [grips his shoulder and compels him] Go sit down, count to one-hundred-thousand.
[Tim walks to the back of the church]
Klaus: Quietly, now, there's a good boy. [turns to Davina] I assume you know who I am. [beat] Then, let's get right to it, shall we? Your current dilemma strikes me as a case of poor alliances. You're loyal to Marcel and yet he keeps you tucked away in an attic. Surely you prefer just a little bit more freedom. And yet Marcel keeps you prisoner.
Davina: Marcel doesn't keeps me prisoner, he keeps me safe. He's my friend.
Klaus: Well, I've no doubt he is. [crouches to her level] For a girl caught in a war between witches and vampires, I might be a better friend. I would keep you safe. And I'd allow you your freedom. [paces up and down the aisle] If Marcel could do that, why hasn't he done so already? And it does beg the question: If Marcel can't protect you, then what of those you care about?
[Klaus gestures to Tim, who is sitting in the last pew]
Davina: If anyone tries to hurt anyone I care about, I'll kill them.
Klaus: Well, then. Sounds like you don't need Marcel at all. Perhaps you've suspected it all along. Your dear friend Marcel tricks you into doing his bidding. And all the while you rot in an attic, alone, while young Timothy moves on with his life.
[Davina stares intently at Klaus, angry.]
Davina: You feel that? That's your blood starting to boil.
[Klaus groans as we hear the hiss of his blood boiling. Sweat starts to drip from his forehead, so he composes himself and vamp-runs to Tim and puts him in a headlock]
Klaus: Such a shame to lose him, just as you found him again. [to Tim] And I really did admire your skill with that violin.
Davina: Don't you dare hurt him! Klaus: Oh, I hope I won't have to, sweetheart. But, then, that depends on you.
Davina: Let him go now! Klaus: You should know, I don't do well with demands.
[Davina thrusts her open hand out and twists it, using her magic to break the bones in his leg. Unfortunately, it takes only a moment for Klaus to reset his bones and heal]
Klaus: Impressive. But you don't want to fight me, love. Innocent people have a way of ending up dead.
Tim: [whispers] Please, let me go.
Klaus: Your choice, little witch. Swear allegiance to me alone and the boy lives. Stand against me-
[The candles behind Davina flare as Davina gets angrier. After a moment, she thrusts both hands in front of her and shrieks. Her magic causes paper and books to be blown around by wind, and all the windows in the church shatter. The glass shards fly backwards, and Klaus and Tim are forcibly blown backwards toward the entrance. Even Davina is knocked backwards by the power of her magic and thrown onto the ground.]
WOODED AREA IN THE BAYOU - "If I had a dollar for every mess my family has got me into."
[The men who raided the clinic are still looking for Hayley, and they pass her, not seeing that she's hiding behind a tree. She runs up to them and kicks the first man she encounters in the gut and knocks him to the ground. SHe jumps and kicks the second man down as well, and snaps his neck. A third man tries to attack her, but she grabs a knife from his hands and cuts his neck with it as she spins in the air. When a fourth attacks her, she grabs his shotgun, and knocks him to the ground, and possibly kills him as she kicks him and beats him in the head with the butt of the shotgun. Hayley crouches on the ground, and her eyes flash werewolf-gold as she looks for any more threats. A large, burly man descends upon her, but before Hayley can react, his neck is snapped from behind by Rebekah, who has just arrived]
Rebekah: Have to say, I'm impressed.
Hayley: How did you find me?
Rebekah: Your text got me halfway, vamping here did the rest. Who are they?
Hayley: Witches, warlocks, whatever.
[Rebekah notices more men with flashlights in the distance]
Rebekah: There're more of them. Run!
[Hayley reluctantly heeds her warning]
Rebekah: [muttering to herself] If I had a dollar for every mess my family has got me into...
[Rebekah is shot in the heart with two arrows, which temporarily neutralize her and she falls to the ground. Hayley sees her]
Hayley: Rebekah!
[Hayley is shot in the shoulder with an arrow, which seems to be coated in something that causes her to pass out and fall to the ground as well]
DAUPHINE STREET MUSIC FESTIVAL
[Cami walks down the street, observing the people partying around her, when Marcel approaches her]
Marcel: [frantic] Where is she? Where's Davina?
Cami: She went to meet a boy, in St. Ann's church...
Marcel: [sighs, rolls his eyes] Stay here in case she comes back.
[Cami watches Marcel, concerned, as he walks away quickly]
WOODED AREA IN THE BAYOU
[Rebekah awakens from passing out after being shot in the heart with an arrow. She pulls out the arrows with a groan, and sits up to find five or more bodies, all dead and bloodied.]
Rebekah: [looks around] What the hell? [starts to gasp for breath as she pulls herself to her feet] Hayley? HAYLEY?
ST. ANN'S CATHOLIC CHURCH
[Davina awakens on the floor after passing out from attacking Klaus with her magic. She stands up]
Davina: Tim!
[She runs toward the back of the room, where Klaus and Tim where blown backward, and runs out the door. Above her, in the balcony, Klaus stands as he talks on his cell phone with Rebekah]
Klaus: [angry] What do you mean, 'She's missing?'
Rebekah: What do you think I mean? There's blood and bodies everywhere, someone's ripped this lot to shreds, and there's no smart-aleck pregnant girl.
Klaus: Keep looking. I'm on my way.
[Klaus hangs up and pulls Tim up onto his feet]
Tim: Please, don't hurt me.
Klaus: It wasn't my intent to. But, sadly, we've run out of time to play nice.
[Klaus grabs Tim and throws him off the balcony onto the floor below. He spots Tim's violin on the floor, and smiles as he throws it over as well before walking away]
[Some time later, Tim lies on the floor, surrounded by broken glass. He is severely injured, and his breathing is shallow. Davina returns and finds him lying on the floor]
Davina: Tim! [kneels down beside him] Oh no, no, please! [she lifts his head onto her lap] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you!
[Tim gasps in pain and looks at her as she runs her fingers through his hair. Klaus enters and walks toward them]
Klaus: One of the tragic consequences of war. Innocent bystanders. What terrible guilt you'll have to live with, young Timothy's blood on your hands.
Davina: [angry and near tears] Get away from him!
[Klaus raises his hands defensively]
Klaus: No, no, let's not be hasty. After all, I can heal him.
[Davina looks at him in confusion]
Klaus: All you have to do is ask.
[Klaus crouches down to her level. Davina looks down at Tim, and after a moment, nods her head]
Davina: Please!
Klaus: For you, Davina, with pleasure.
[Klaus bites his wrist and feeds his blood to Tim. After a moment, Tim pulls away and sighs in relief. Klaus tilts his head toward him and compels him]
Klaus: You will forget everything that happened after the concert, including the fact that you saw Davina.
Davina: [looks at Klaus in shock] What? No! Klaus: If he remembers seeing you, he might come looking. If the witches learn of him, if they know you have a weakness, then poor Tim might end up as leverage in an awful scheme to control you. Again.
[Klaus stands up and pulls Tim to his feet again, then compels him.]
Klaus: Okay, come on, up you come. [compels] Take your violin case with you. You'll remember losing the instrument backstage after the performance. You really should be more careful.
[Klaus claps him on the neck, and Tim picks up his violin case and leaves with it]
Klaus: All fixed! And now, you owe me a favor.
[Davina frowns and cries silently as she picks up Tim's smashed violin off the floor. When she looks up again, Klaus has vanished. She walks into the aisle and turns around when she hears Marcel approaching her]
Marcel: Davina! [looks around] What happened? What are you doing here?
Davina: [angrily] I live here, remember?
[She turns away and walks back to her room. Marcel looks at her, confused, and sighs as she walks away]
BAYOU CLINIC
[Rebekah is walking around, looking for clues as to where Hayley could be. She sees the doctor passed out on the floor next to the used syringe. Suddenly, Klaus appears]
Rebekah: Wow! You abandoned your quest for power to help out your family! Having an off day?
Klaus: [calmly] Who took her, Rebekah?
Rebekah: I don't know.
Klaus: What do you mean, you don't know? And who killed her attackers?
Rebekah: I don't know! I had an arrow in my heart. If it wasn't Hayley who killed them, then-
[She is cut off by wolves howling in the distance. Klaus looks at her and raises his eyebrows]
Rebekah: Lovely. Maybe her cousins will know where she is.
[Klaus follows her outside, speechless. When they exit the building, they see Hayley stumbling toward them, her clothes tattered and dirty. She looks dazed and exhausted. The two run toward her]
Klaus: Hayley! What happened? Tell me what happened.
Hayley: I can't remember.
[Klaus examines Hayley for wounds]
Klaus: You've completely healed. There's not a scratch on you.
Hayley: One of the perks of being a werewolf, remember?
Klaus: No, not that fast.
[Rebekah runs over to Hayley and wraps an arm around her protectively]
Rebekah: Leave her alone! [thinks for a moment] It's the baby. The vampire blood, Klaus' vampire blood, in your system, it can heal any wound.
[Klaus turns and stares at her incredulously]
Rebekah: Your own child healed you.
[Klaus smiles at the thought]
Rebekah: How did you escape? Outnumbered, unarmed? Those men were ripped to shreds!
Hayley: [quietly] I think it was the wolf. I think it's trying to protect me.
Klaus: [angrily points to Hayley] The witches were supposed to protect you! When I get my hands on Sophie Deveraux-
Rebekah: It wasn't Sophie-
Hayley: It was Agnes.
Klaus: Fine! Agnes, Sophie, it's all the same to me! I'll slaughter the lot of them!
Rebekah: Not if Elijah gets there first.
Hayley: Elijah? Did you find him?
Rebekah: He's been in touch, and he has a plan. All he asks is that we take care of you.
Hayley: [smiles] Hey, so... can we go home now? I'd really like to sleep for a few days.
[Hayley stands up, and Klaus nods with a smile. When she goes to walk, she stumbles and starts to fall, but Klaus zooms over to catch her and picks her up]
Klaus: Ooh, I've got you, love. I've got you.
[Rebekah and Klaus walk toward their car, Hayley still in Klaus' arms]
NIGHTWALKER BAR
[Marcel angrily talks with his nightwalkers, including Josh and Diego]
Marcel: I was crystal clear! Eyes on my girls at all times.
Diego: [scoffs] What, your girl's little friend sneaks away from YOUR party, and that's our fault?
[Marcel scowls at him]
Diego: What, Marcel, are you going to send me to the Garden, too?
[Marcel snaps his neck, and turns around to address his other nightwalkers, who stand and stare at him before dispersing awkwardly]
Marcel: [to Josh] When he wakes up, tell him an apology would have gotten him a lot further than his attitude. [smiles]
[Josh nods and walks away. After he does, Rebekah walks into the bar and slams the door. Marcel approaches her]
Rebekah: Awful, what happened to the church. I hear they're calling it a gas leak. Such a pity.
Marcel: I heard that you were quite a woman on a mission today.
Rebekah: What can I say? I want Elijah back.
Marcel: Is that ALL you want? [gets into her face] You'll get Elijah back. In the meantime, stay out of this bar, and stay away from my guys.
Rebekah: What's wrong? You jealous?
Marcel: Me? I've already found my queen.
Rebekah: Cami? The bartender? Stop fooling yourself, Marcel. She's comfort food, something to distract you from what you really want, which, after all these years, is impossible to deny, because I'm [whispers] standing right in front of you.
[She looks at him, and stares at his lips, as if she's about to kiss him, but instead, Marcel walks away, leaving Rebekah standing alone]
CAMI'S APARTMENT
[Cami is in her pajamas, and looks in her bedroom mirror as she takes off her necklace. She sees Klaus standing in the doorway in the reflection, and turns to talk to him]
Cami: Klaus! What are you doing here?
Klaus: I've had quite a night. [beat] I recall you mentioned something about nightmares and insomnia. I believe I can help. Can I come in?
Cami: This is super weird. Come in.
[Klaus walks in]
Cami: Wait, that's right, I told you what happened. I never tell anybody, but I told you. [tears start to fill her eyes] And you said something about Sean standing alone against his demons. When he killed those men, I thought he must be mentally ill, but [gasps in realization] what if it was demons? What if a vampire compelled him?
Klaus: And if so, would you devote yourself to finding the guilty party? [tear falls down his cheek] Would you sacrifice everything to find out the truth? [walks toward her] To what end?
Cami: [backs up] To what end? This is the entire reason why I'm in New Orleans!
Klaus: Cami, whatever lies on the other end of this mystery will only offer you pain! Nothing will bring your brother back! [walks toward her] Your only hope for peace... is to forget this...
[Cami realizes what he's about to do]
Cami: No.
Klaus: ...and move on.
Cami: No! Don't compel me to forget this!
Klaus: And if I allow you to remember, the knowledge will eat away at you. [more tears fill his eyes, and Cami starts to tear up more as well] Your quest for truth will only put you in danger.
Cami: You don't care about me! [Klaus shakes his head] You only want me to forget this so I can focus on Marcel! So I'll be a good little spy, for you!
Klaus: I need your loyalty, yes, and though it may appear selfish to you, the scope of my plan goes far beyond myself! Power aside, I am trying to honor my brother!
Cami: [bites her lip] What about my brother? My twin brother. We were bonded our whole lives, and I know, I KNOW, he didn't just snap. And I need to know who did this, and I need to make this right! [Klaus walks closer to her] NO! DON'T TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME!
[Klaus grabs Cami and compels her]
Klaus: You will do nothing. Your brother was ill. He killed those people and himself, and it was a tragedy. All you can do is move on.
[He lets her go, and tears fall from her eyes as she sits down on her couch. Klaus takes her hand in his as he continues to compel her]
Klaus: Know that your brother is at peace, and that you needn't worry. I will find out what happened, and when I do, I will make sure whoever harmed your brother will suffer. And as for you... Tonight, you will sleep, and you will dream of a world that is far better than this one... a world where there is no evil, no demons, and all people desire only to be good.
DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM
[Davina is touching Tim's broken violin. She turns sadly toward her windchimes, and uses her magic to telekinetically make them play the song Tim played for her. She is startled when she hears a floorboard creak, and turns, startled. She is walking toward Elijah's coffin when she hears his voice-Elijah stands behind her, looking gray from not feeding.]
Elijah: It's all right, Davina. I don't mean you any harm, though I do think it's time we had a talk.
[The both give each other small smiles] | Plan: A: the annual Dauphine Street music festival; Q: What is around the corner for Davina? A: Davina; Q: Who convinces Marcel to let her attend the Dauphine Street music festival? A: a watchful eye; Q: What does Marcel ask Cami to keep on Davina? A: Agnes convinces Hayley; Q: Who convinces Hayley to visit a mysterious doctor in the bayou? A: a shocking discovery; Q: What does Hayley make when she visits the mysterious doctor? A: Klaus; Q: Who takes a special interest in Cami? A: Rebekah; Q: Who is determined to get to the bottom of a recent strange encounter involving Elijah? A: a mission; Q: What is Rebekah on? A: Elijah Daniella Pineda; Q: Who does Rebekah want to find out more about? Summary: With the annual Dauphine Street music festival around the corner, Davina, itching for a night out, convinces Marcel to let her attend. Marcel cautiously obliges but asks Cami to keep a watchful eye on Davina. Agnes convinces Hayley to visit a mysterious doctor in the bayou where she makes a shocking discovery. Meanwhile, Klaus takes a special interest in Cami, who reveals some alarming information about her past, and a determined Rebekah is on a mission to get to the bottom of a recent strange encounter involving Elijah Daniella Pineda also stars. |
[In the opening scene, Brian is prowling Babylon There's something wrong with this picture. When he strolls up to the bar, he comes face to face with an unnerving apparition: a ghost in a Hawaiian shirt.]
Vic: Well, look who it is!
Brian: What the f*ck are you doing here?
Vic: I believe that's my line.
Brian: Sorry.
Vic: Shall we take it again? What the f*ck are you doing here?
Brian: W-w-we're in Babylon, right?
Vic: In case you forgot, the great Writer in the Sky recently wrote me out. Permanently.
Brian: (laughs, a little freaked out) Then where the f*ck are we?
Vic: Well, let's see. You've got one of two choices.
[Brian glances over at the dance floor. The music has changed to "YMCA" and the dancers have undergone a transformation as well. All the hunky guys have disappeared and a bunch of old farts are cavorting about on the dance floor. Even the go-go boys have aged about 40 years. Their tighty-whities are no longer so tighty.]
Brian: If this is your heaven, it must be my hell.
Vic: What kind of an attitude is that, considering we have so much in common?
Brian: Like what?
Vic: Well, it ain't two testicles! Turns out you're everything you never wanted to be, kiddo! Old, diseased and imperfect. Bwahaha!
[Brian awakens from the sleep of death to a voice calling.]
Doc: Mr. Kinney. Mr. Kinney!
[He's lying in a hospital bed, post-surgery.]
Doc: Mr. Kinney. You're in recovery. How do you feel?
Brian: I'm having a ball.
[Ben, Michael and Hunter are riding their bikes again.]
Michael: I am so not looking forward to this.
Ben: Meeting a big Hollywood director?
Michael: No, going shopping with my mother!
Ben: At least she's getting out of the house.
Michael: Yeah, that means I get to sit around a dressing room with a bunch of ladies parading around in their girdles and bras, telling her which outfit looks best.
Ben: Judging from TV, I thought's that's one of the few things we queers are good for.
Hunter: If Brett Keller makes Rage into a movie, are we gonna be rich?
Michael: Beyond our wildest, most improbable dreams!
Hunter: Right on. Then we get to spend all his money. Can you get me an autographed picture of Cameron Diaz? She's fuckin' hot.
Michael: Wouldn't you rather have one of Leo or Tobey?
Hunter: [rides off] Later!
Ben: And learn something! I need to stop off at the Post Office mail off some manuscripts.
Michael: Good luck.
Ben: Yeah, you to.
Michael: Hey. Aren't I gonna get a kiss?
[Ben kisses him goodbye and rides off.]
Michael: Thanks.
[As it turns out, the shopping expedition is not for clothes; it's a quest for the perfect headstone. Michael and Emmett accompany Deb. All the headstones are so ordinary; nothing is good enough for Vic.]
Deb: To small. To fancy. To big.
Michael: She used to say it's dress shopping.
Emmett: Well, look it this way - at least you have zipper up.
Deb: This is the one.
[Suddenly Deb sees it: a huge, ornate statue of an angel blowing a trumpet.]
Deb: This is it!
Michael: Jesus Ma, it's like Mount Rushmore!
Salesman: It's my favorite.
Emmett: [to Michael] I bet he says that to all tombstones.
Salesman: The Angel Gabriel, welcoming God's children into the heavenly gates.
Michael: I hope she doesn't want to buy the children, too.
Deb: How about this like run?
Salesman: $47,000.
Michael: For a head ornament?
Salesman: It's marble, sir. Guarantee it lasts forever.
Michael: Ma, you couldn't got serious.
Debbie: Your Uncle Vic was a size queen. He'd loved it.
Michael: I'm sure he would perfectly happy with just a simple headstone.
Debbie: What, the kind they put on a pauper's grave? No fuckin' way! Everybody who comes to Lakeview Cemetery is gonna see how much Vic Grassi was loved by his family.
Michael: How do you plan to pay for it?
Debbie: I'll cash in my retirement fund, I can take out a third on the house, I can get a couple extra shifts at the diner!
Emmett: You practically work 24/7 as it is.
Michael: This is insane! I'm not gonna let you spend your last cent -
Debbie: Since when do you tell me what I can and cannot do?! This is for my brother! And it's my money! And I can spend it any goddamn f*cking way I choose. (To the salesman) Wrap it up.
[At the diner, Mel and Ted are sitting at the counter, bitching at Justin because their orders are late. ]
Mel: How about time. We're ordered yesterday.
Ted: What you have to do. Have to collect something for me omelett?
Justin: I'm sorry, guys. Things are nuts without Deb.
Mel: I don't know about the nuts, but where's my side of bacon?
Justin: sh1t! Coming right up.
Ted: I thought Jews didn't eat pork.
Mel: They waived that law for pregnant lesbians second Tuesday of every month.
[And look who comes here. It's Brian, back from "Ibiza," looking smashing in a pinstripe suit, but wearing his shades inside.]
Brian: Greetings, serfs and vassals!
Mel: Brian! How was your trip?
Brian: In-fucking-credible. I hope that one day you, too, will be able to experience the wonders of Ibiza. The sea, the beach...
Ted: The men?
Brian: Did I not mention that?
[Ted shakes his head no.]
Brian: Black coffee.
Mel: Someone not very tan.
Brian: It rained, practically every day. But we're get to indoors.
Justin: Here is your bacon. [sees Brian.] You're back.
Brian: And you're here!
Justin: Told you I would be, didn't I? So how was your trip?
Mel: Weather sucked.
Ted: But so did the men.
Justin: I'd love to hear about it, but I have to go to class.
Ted: I know someone who has to get his ass to the office before his boss has his head.
Mel: Don't worry, I'll finish this for you.
[Ted leaves.]
Brian: (to Justin) Want a lift?
Justin: That's OK. I'm sure you have plenty more important things to do.
[Brian follows him out of the diner. Cut to Brian's car on the way to PIFA.]
Brian: I was gonna send you a postcard.
Justin: But the Post Office was on strike.
Brian: I meant to call you.
Justin: But your cellphone died and you didn't have your charger.
Brian: How did you know that?
Justin: You don't have to make up excuses. As long as you got whatever it was out of your system.
Brian: Oh, it's out alright.
[They pull up in front of PIFA.]
Brian: By the way, I - I missed you.
Justin: Prove it.
[Brian kisses him, but Justin requires a little more convincing.]
Justin: You're gonna have to do better than that.
[Another kiss, a little better but still not quite up to Justin's rigorous standards.]
Justin: I'm still not convinced.
[Summoning what is probably all his energy, Brian really lays one on him. Justin likey that.]
Justin: Okay! Okay, I believe you!
Brian: I'll see you tonight?
Justin: If I'm in town.
Brian: You going somewhere?
Justin: Hollywood!
[He gets out of the car. As Justin walks away, Brian takes off his shades and watches him with a look of ineffable sadness on his face.]
[Lindsay is at the gallery, trying to sell a rich geezer a painting.]
Lindsay: Noticed perticulary the numerocity of the skin tones. That given the woman almost material quality.
[Auerbach shows up.]
Sam: You're a remarkable person for french yellowed pain?
[The customer scuttles away.]
Lindsay: I was just about to sell that.
Sam: Sell them out this overshit. Veronica, set it up on the table. What a girl. How about give me a fetch a ham and cheese on rye.
[His assistant goes away.]
Lindsay: I thoughed it was all those tiddies and besides it's up to you.
Sam: Oh, oh, easy girl. I don't wanted to pupp the visitor.
Lindsay: Don't tell me it hasn't been healed.
Sam: Actually I just wored it because you do feel sorry for me.
Lindsay: It almost works. So what's all this?
Sam: Decided to let you show my stuff.
Lindsay: Why, after I punched you?
[His cellphone rings.]
Sam: What?! I already gave you money, you heartless bitch! You want more? Work the streets like the whore that you are! (He hangs up.) My wife. We're estranged.
Lindsay: I gathered.
Sam: Actually, all my ex-wives and I are estranged.
Lindsay: I'm not surprised.
Sam: If I had any brains, I'd be a lesbian like you.
Lindsay: Why's that?
Sam: All the pussy you want and no overhead.
Lindsay: You're remarkable!
Sam: Yeah, that's what people say. Mostly greedy wives and golddiggers. You know, you have no idea what a pleasure it is to finally meet a woman who wants nothing from me except to show my work. By the way - you know how to cook?
Lindsay: I happen to be an excellent cook.
Sam: You think one of them even knew how to turn on a stove? So - when are you inviting me home for dinner?
[Michael and Justin do lunch with Brett Keller. Keller is enthusing over Rage and Michael and Justin are basking in the glow of his admiration.]
Keller: When I first saw Rage, I thought, Finally! Someone's created an honest-to-God gay superhero, you know? Who's out! Who's got a boyfriend, who actually f*cks -
Michael: Yeah, well, we figured if we were gonna do it, we might as well do it all the way.
Keller: And you have. You've given every kid who's ever been bullied, who had to keep his true identity a secret, but somehow managed to survive, his own crusader, his own role model. Wish there was something like this when I was a kid.
Michael: Thank you, Mr. Keller.
Keller: Please, it's Brett. And I should be thanking you.
Michael: However, we do have a couple of concerns -
Justin: That someone might want to change things.
Keller: You mean like make Rage straight. I will personally chop the dick off any studio executive who even tries. I want this film to be as gritty and as dark and as edgy as your comic. Now as for Rage, every actor in Hollywood is gonna want to play him.
Michael: I thought straight actors won't take gay roles.
Keller: Nah. Nobody's gonna turn this one down. So who do ya picture? Johnny? Ashton? Matt?
Justin: Brian.
Keller: Brian?
Justin: He's my boyfriend.
Michael: And my best friend. We based the character after him.
Keller: Is he as gorgeous as Rage?
[Justin nods.]
Michael: Some people think so.
Justin: Most people think so.
Keller: Well, I'll have to meet him. You know, just to get an idea.
Michael: What about tomorrow night? We could all go to Babylon.
Justin: It's a dance club. They're having a wet willy contest.
Keller: Who said there's nothing to do in Pittsburgh? I was gonna fly back to LA tomorrow but - (his cell rings) Sorry. Colin. How would you like to save Gayopolis?
[Debbie's in her room, sorting through her button collection, when Emmett brings up a tray of food.]
Debbie: What you say to this?
Emmett: "Speak softly and carry a big deck." Cute. How about eat this?
Debbie: Where do you see that one?
Emmett: Right here.
Debbie: No, thanks honey.
Emmett: Would you rest something, please?
Debbie: Maybe later. Let me do that, I'm get a littly rusty.
Emmett: You need to keep up your strength.
Debbie: Vic's angel's not gonna pay for itself! And he's gonna have the best-looking grave in that cemetery!
[The doorbell rings.]
Debbie: Who the hell's that? It's probably my son, trying to talk me out of it again. Well, you can tell him - never mind, I'll tell him myself.
[She stomps downstairs, but Emmett gets to the door first.]
Emmett: Do I detect a detective?
[It's Horvath. Deb's still descending the stairs and doesn't see who it is at first.]
Debbie: I don't give a sh1t what you say, Michael, I'm not - (her voice softens) Carl!
Carl: Hello, Debbie.
[Emmett takes the tray and discreetly leaves the two ex-lovebirds alone.]
Debbie: We've got your flowers. It was thoughtful you remember Vic.
Carl: He was a nice guy.
Debbie: He liked you, too. Forgive me, I haven't the time to write out.
Carl: I understand.
Emmett: Do you wanna come in? We got some fruit cake left from Christmas.
Debbie: Emmett lives here now. Somebody must got the sh1t out of me.
Carl: Actually I stopped by to see how about go out and grab a tea?
Emmett: [to Debbie] Talk about angels. She'd love to, wouldn't you Deb?
Debbie: Thank you Carl, but I straighten up to back to the diner tomorrow. Maybe some other time.
[At the loft, Justin is crowing about Brett Keller and Rage. Understandably, he's way too excited about his good news to notice anything different about Brian - at least, not at first.]
Justin: He loves it. He fuckin' loves it! He says it's genius.
Brian: That's nice.
Justin: He also swears that no matter what, the characters are gonna stay exactly like they are in the comic. Hard-assed, edgy and queer.
Brian: Great.
Justin: Oh, get this. When we told him we based the character of Rage on you, he says I have to meet this guy. So we made plans to go to Babylon tomorrow night. Contingent, of course, on your availability.
Brian: Well, I have to get my tights back from the cleaners.
[He's taking off his suit. As he bends down to take off his pants, he grimaces in pain. Justin notices that.]
Justin: What'd you, hurt yourself?
Brian: I must've pulled a muscle in Ibiza.
Justin: I bet I can guess which one. (Looking closer at Brian) You know, you look really tired.
Brian: Just jet lag. I'm fabuluso, senor!
Justin: I wish I could say the same thing about the shorts.
[Brian, who has stepped out of his pants, is heading for the bathroom wearing a pair of gray jockey shorts. He scratches his ass. He goes into the bathroom, shutting the door (!) behind him.]
Justin: Hey. Don't jack off in there. I have other plans!
[We can hear the shower running. The phone rings.]
Justin: Brian! Do you want me to get the phone?
[Brian doesn't hear him, so Justin goes to pick up the phone. But before he can get to it, the answering machine picks up.]
Voice: [on phone] "Hello, Mr. Kinney, this is Dr. Rabinowitz from the Johns Hopkins Oncology Center. I'd like to discuss your post-surgery options. So please give me a call at 410-555-4832."
[He starts to call out to Brian, but then he stops, reconsiders.]
[At Lindsay and Mel's for dinner, Sam listens to Melanie the supportive spouse brag about Lindsay's talent as an artist.]
Sam: When I told my dear "I wanted something special for her birthday", she says "Sammy, I don't like you paintings, but why you haven't the first cose?"
Mel: [to Linds] Sounds like Rita and Mian.
Lindsay: They say that about family and would appreciate your work.
Mel: Not in this house. I love Lindsay's paintings.
Sam: You paint?
Lindsay: A little.
Sam: Uh-huh, why don't you tell me?
Lindsay: It's long ago. No-one has ever seen it.
Mel: She's almost mortist, so forced her.
Lindsay: Mel.
Mel: Shut up! She has her paintings exhibit.
Sam: I'm impressed.
Lindsay: Don't be. It was years ago.
Mel: Why don't you show Sam?
Lindsay: No! Absolutely not!
Sam: I'm sure that she is very shy about everyone see your work. I can totally understand.
Lindsay: Thank you, Sam.
Sam: But I said, get over it. Every artist is a self-centered, egomaniacal fascist. So. Spare me the modesty sh1t.
[They got up at the attic.]
Mel: C'mon, a great artists see your work. What you gonna say?
Sam: Pretty colors.
Lindsay: That's it?
Sam: I like the duddle in the corner. Oh, it's cute.
Lindsay: Cute...
Sam: What the f*ck do I know about other people's art? I just make my own. More importantly - what do you think?
Lindsay: I think they're academic, derivative, uninspired. And that's pretty much the same reason why I stopped painting.
Sam: Something must have inspired you once.
Mel: There's this. I love this.
[She gets out a sketch of an old homeless guy.]
Lindsay: Oh, there was a homeless guy in my class. He just lined, haunted. Mystering the death or worse. I don't know why. I had to sketch him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[At the comic store, Mikey's taking out a Rage poster to hang in the window when Justin comes in. One look is all it takes to know this isn't a social visit.]
Michael: What's wrong? You didn't like it?
Justin: Did you know?
Michael: Huh?
Justin: Did - you - know?
Michael: Know what?
Justin: About Brian. He didn't go to Ibiza.
Michael: Well, where'd he go? South Beach? Cancun?
Justin: Johns Hopkins. It's a hospital in Baltimore.
Michael: I know what it is. What was he doing there?
Justin: There was a message from a Dr. Rabinowitz on his machine, checking up on his surgery and to discuss follow-up treatment. So I called the hospital to see who Dr. Rabinowitz is and he's an oncologist who specializes in testicular cancer.
Michael: Oh, God.
Justin: So you really didn't know?
[Michael shakes his head. He had no idea.]
Justin: Well, if he didn't tell you and he didn't tell me, then who did he tell?
Michael: My guess is nobody.
Justin: That he has cancer?
Michael: Well, I'm sure if he wanted us to know, he would have told us.
Justin: What are we supposed to do? Just keep our mouths shut? Act like we don't know anything?
Michael: If that's what he wants, then that's exactly what we're gonna do.
[Meanwhile, Rage's superpowers are ebbing away. Brian nearly passes out in the middle of a meeting.]
Guy#1: I already have sketches for you, to look over.
Woman#1: And I have cards for Goldwin.
Brian: Nice goin'. What about Braun Athletics? Have... we... get the contracts? [he drink some water]
Woman#1: Caming in yesterday.
Ted: Brian? You're okay?
Brian: Yeah. I... yeah, I just... excuse me. Just for a second.
[He goes into his office. Ted follows.]
Ted: Brian?
Brian: I'm fine.
Ted: Well, you sure as hell don't look it. You practically fainted in there.
Brian: I'm just a little tired from my trip.
Ted: Well, maybe you should go home. I mean, we could finish this tomorrow.
Brian: (snaps at him) I said I'm fine! Now let's finish the goddamn meeting.
Ted: You don't have to be so testy.
[Back at the diner, Deb's not quite ready for prime time, either.]
Debbie: One pink plate, one meat loaf.
Customer#1: I have a pot pie.
Debbie: Pot pie. Sorry, coming right up. So, who in the f*ck had the meat loaf?
Customer#2: Meat loaf? That's me.
Debbie: What do you do? Changed tables? Sorry, honey.
Emmett: How is my favourite service professional?
Debbie: I'm doin' fine.
Emmett: I thoughed you're done, I escort you home.
Debbie: But I'm on a tray. But I get off 1:30...
Emmett: Well, that's about...
Debbie: A.M. I took another shift.
Costumer#3: Who do I have get f*cked to get service around here?
Emmett: Me! And you're gonna waiting a long time!
Debbie: Sorry honey, what can I do for you?
Costumer#3: I had a piece loaf, remember?
Debbie: Right.
Harold: Debbie? Debbie?
Debbie: Yeah?
Harold: I'm Harold, friend of Vic's. I just wanna tell you how sorry to hear he's passed away.
Debbie: Thanks.
Harold: He was always saying what a great relationship you two had, how he looked up to you. You were more than a sister, you were his best friend.
Debbie: Sorry, I have to get this order.
Harold: I know how difficult it is for you right now. But at least you have the comfort of knowing how much he loved you.
[Instead of being comforted by his kind words, Deb is completely undone. She makes a lame attempt to get back to serving tables, but she promptly breaks down and her tray goes crashing to the floor. Fortunately, Emmett's still there.]
Emmett: Debbie? Come, sit down.
[He makes her sit down and then takes her home.]
[Back in Deb's kitchen, Michael and Emmett alternately scold and fuss over her]
Emmett: I told her it was too soon.
Debbie: I just got a little shaky, that's all. I didn't get my sea legs back. I'll be better tomorrow.
Michael: You're not going back tomorrow or the next day. You're gonna take a few weeks off.
Debbie: The hell I am!
Emmett: Would you calm down please? We are just looking out for your best interest.
Debbie: I know what my best interest is. It's to work, so I can pay for Vic's monument.
Michael: That doesn't mean you have to kill yourself!
Debbie: You don't understand. You don't have a fuckin' clue.
Michael: Well, why don't you give me a fuckin' hint?
[She says nothing.]
[Sam invites Lindsay over to look at his etchings. She's choosing pieces for the gallery exhibition.]
Lindsay: They're all so vibrant, so dynamic. I don't know which to choose.
Sam: Take 'em all.
Lindsay: Simple and practical solution.
[He gets out a bottle of something that looks like Grand Marnier and pours it into glasses that are definitely not the right kind for liqueur or brandy.]
Sam: You surprise me.
Lindsay: Oh?
Sam: To look at you, no one would ever suspect.
Lindsay: That I'm a lesbian?
Sam: That a beautiful blonde could be smart, honest, funny. And supremely talented.
[They clink glasses.]
Lindsay: It's not that uncommon.
Sam: Oh, it's not?
Lindsay: Well, how many women have you ever bothered to know? Or let know you before you f*cked them? Or married them? And as for my talent, well, judging from your response it was anything but surprising.
Sam: That's where you're wrong. That drawing you did of the homeless man?
Lindsay: I haven't done anything like that in years.
Sam: You should.
Lindsay: Maybe someday.
Sam: Why not now?
Lindsay: Now I'm too busy being a wife, mother, and then there's my -
Sam: Oh, spare me the excuses, lady. When you're an artist, nothing stops you. I could be going down in a plane, taking a dump, screwing my mistress - I'd still reach for a pad.
[He hands her a sketchbook.]
Sam: Draw something.
Lindsay: Now? What am I supposed to draw?
Sam: Whatever the hell inspires you. A chair. An apple.
Lindsay: You?
Sam: Me?
Lindsay: You.
Sam: Fine.
[He starts taking his clothes off. This is not what Lindsay had in mind.]
Lindsay: (alarmed) What are you doing?
Sam: What's it look like?
Lindsay: No no no - wait, Sam, you don't actually have to take off your -
Sam: There you go. Human body. It's inspired artists for centuries.
[Sam lights a cigar, completely at ease.]
Lindsay: I don't believe it!
Sam: Few do. Don't stand there gawking, draw something.
[Lindsay downs a shot.]
[It's Wet Willy Night at Babylon. Not a fortuitous theme for Brian, who isn't looking so hot. He's tired and even though he won't admit it, he'd probably rather be home in bed. Sleeping. At the stage a line with 9 guys standing in their white undees and a drag queen dressed like Rotkäppchen]
drag queen: My. What a big cock you have.
Justin: f*ck, is that something real?
Brian: It's real alright, but put your eyes back in your pants. He's a bottom.
[Michael and Ben bring Brett Keller over to meet Brian.]
Michael: Hey. How are you? I mean - how was your trip?
Brian: I almost didn't come back.
Michael: We would have missed you.
Brett: That must be him. He looks just like him.
Michael: Brian, this is Brett Keller.
Brian: A the boy-wonder of Hollywood.
Brett: Sounds like to.
[Brian can barely stand up. He turns away, leaning against the railing for support.]
Brian: I head downstairs to console the losers.
Michael: Why did you let him come here? He should at home and resting.
Justin: How am I supposed to stop him when I'm not supposed to know?
[He heads downstairs after Brian, leaving Michael and Ben with Brett Keller.]
Brett: I want to recreate this place exactly like it is for the movie.
Michael: (to Ben) See? I told you so. (To Keller) Ben's a writer, too.
Keller: Screenplays?
Ben: Books. Just finished a novel.
Keller: What's it about?
Ben: It's a love story between two men, set in Paris in the 30's.
[Keller doesn't look too enthused. Poor Ben.]
Keller: Period pieces are a tough sell.
Ben: I wasn't planning to sell it. Besides, I'm sure it's not your thing.
Keller: And what is?
Ben: Mindless entertainment for 12-year-old boys.
Michael: Jesus, Ben!
Keller: No, I'd like to hear what he has to say. Please. Continue.
Ben: Considering you're gay and you pretty much have the power to do anything you want, I'd think you might do a project with some relevance. Some social responsibility.
[Michael is staring daggers at him. Down on the dance floor, Brian is apparently in the process of picking up a trick.]
Justin: Brian. I'm not feeling well.
Brian: Well, you should go then.
Justin: You come with me? Please.
Brian: [to the trick] I guess he wins again.
[Once they get back home from Babylon, Michael has it out with Ben.]
Michael: Relevance? Social responsibility? How could you insult him like that?
Ben: That guy is a fraud. He's an untalented hack!
Michael: That may be your opinion, but he's one of the most successful directors in Hollywood.
[Ben snorts.]
Michael: There's nothing wrong with being successful.
Ben: As long as you don't sell out.
Michael: Who's talking about selling out?
Ben: Don't be naive. Do you think Brett Keller's successful because he maintained his artistic integrity?
Michael: He loves what he does and he's damn good at it!
Ben: You should fit in perfectly out in Hollywood.
Michael: You know, I may not be the brilliant, uncompromising genius that you are, but you know what I think? I think this has nothing to do with artistic integrity. I think that you're jealous! Because somebody wants to make a big movie out of our comic book and no one will touch your novel!
[Michael takes his clothes and slams out. Hunter hears the argue while he's in bed.]
[Tenderly and sweetly, Justin helps Brian unbutton his shirt.]
Justin: Lemme help.
Brian: I can do it.
Justin: I know you can.
[He takes off Brian's shirt, then he helps Brian lie on the bed and slides his jeans off. Brian has a brief moment of clarity, remembering that Justin got them out of Babylon by claiming to be sick.]
Brian: I thought you had food poisoning.
Justin: I guess it was just a tummyache.
[Brian lies back, eyes closed, drifting off. Justin gazes down at him, stroking his face gently. It's all he can do not to say something, but he keeps his silence. He gets as close as he can to the subject, hoping that Brian will break down and tell him the truth.]
Justin: Tell me about Ibiza.
Brian: Uhh...It was like I died and went to homo heaven. Beautiful guys all dressed in white. And everywhere you went, it smelled like lemon-scented air freshener.
[Brian is describing the hospital. Telling Justin without telling him.]
Justin: It sounds great.
Brian: I even f*cked a matador.
Justin: No way.
Brian: Ole.
[Resting his head on Brian's chest, Justin puts his arms around him, sniffling a bit.]
[The morning after the fight with Ben, Michael wakes up at Ted's condo.]
Ted: Mickey, gotta get up! You're late for schoo-ool. [Michael does nothing.] GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR! NOW!
Michael: This is a hell of morning, you wake me up.
Ted: I also bring you a cappochino and a schocolate crossant.
Michael: Thanks for let me crash.
Ted: You can come to moma's every time you want.
Michael: Be careful. I end up like a permanent houseguest.
Ted: I'm sure as soon as you get back, you and Ben will fall into each other's arms and kiss and make up.
Michael: Not until he stops acting like a jealous asshole.
Ted: I did the same thing when Emmett's party planning started taking off. The more successful he got, the more I resented it.
Michael: Maybe I should just forget the whole thing.
Ted: What are you, nuts? How often does an opportunity like this come along? Zzzt! Time's up! Never!
Michael: But if it's gonna cause all these problems -
Ted: Look. You can't turn yourself into a failure to make your relationship a success.
Michael: Thanks, moma.
Ted: [they kiss] Every time.
[Brett Keller is at the comic store, marveling at the collection.]
Brett: Dr.Strange number one six nine. I'm trying to find this from ebay for a months. How much do I have...
Michael: It's all yours.
[His driver comes to pick him up for the airport.]
Driver: Excuse me, Mr.Keller, we need you to get to the airport to make your flight.
Brett: I'll be right there. You guys we'll be in touch.
Michael: Thanks Brett.
Brett: And if we can't get Colin or Ashton to play Rage, we'll get Brian.
[Brett leaves.]
Michael: How's he doing?
Justin: He's still pretending like everything's alright and I'm pretending like I don't know. f*cking sh1t. I'm telling him.
Michael: You can't! He wants it this way.
Justin: It's easy for you to say. He's not your boyfriend. You don't love him.
Michael: I love him enough to honor his wishes.
[That will be put to the test soon enough.]
[Emmett pays Horvath a visit.]
Emmett: She and Vic had this huge fight. Now, she thinks he'll never forgive her, so he threw him a post christmas party where this angel broke. So, she'll brought him his headstone with a life big Gabriel blows his trompet.
Carl: Slow down, I'm not following you.
Emmett: The point is, Carl, no one can get threw her. Not me, not Michael. But something tells me, sure as I know and sure as you can, that... you can.
Carl: Didn't seem so the other day.
Emmett: Trust me. And I'll understand. In time like this a girl needs a man.
[Lindsay is painting again.]
Mel: It's been a long time.
Lindsay: Since when?
Mel: Since I seen you so happy.
Lindsay: Thanks to a certain madman friend of mine.
Mel: Oh. My. God. Did he pose for you like that?
Lindsay: With nothing but a cigar!
Mel: He really is mad.
Lindsay: You know a wonderful, furiating generous self-centred sort of way.
Mel: I'm glad he's inspired you. [they kiss] Later.
[Lindsay looks at her drawing and must laugh about something that we missed.]
[Michael and Brian are sitting on the floor, smoking a joint after a Chinese take-out dinner.]
Brian: Linda Hearley.
Michael: Who?
Brian: Linda - Hearley! AKA, Linda the hurler. I trying to find out her name all day.
Michael: Christ, what makes you thinking about her?
Brian: Your last rendering.
Michael: I hope this time I host this down.
Brian: Let's tell the story, Mikey.
Michael: You already know the story.
Brian: I don't care. Come and told me again.
Michael: It was the junior class presentation of our town... and somehow I landed in the park of George. And Linda was Emily. It was this tender moment at the end of act 2 where they kiss...
Brian: [laughs] She puked almost over her...
Michael: She had the flue!
Brian: [laughs] Alright, she had flue!
Michael: That's when I decided, it was not an actors life for me.
Brian: Now Hollywood's calling and - Rage - "The Movie."
Michael: He wouldn't exist if it wasn't for you. So you gonna come to the premiere?
Brian: Why wouldn't I?
Michael: I want it to be at that theatre - you know the one with all the stars' footprints. Wouldn't it be cool if we had our footprints in the cement? Michael and Brian, immortalized forever. Just you and me.
[Brian is dozing off, stretched out on the floor. Michael is stroking Brian's hair.]
Brian: Michael. Mikey.
Michael: (still crying) sh1t. I'm sorry. I know. I know you didn't go to Ibiza. I know you went to Johns Hopkins and you had surgery. Oh, my god. If I lose you, I don't know what I'll do!
Brian: I'm OK, I'm OK.
Michael: (still snivelling) I wasn't supposed to tell you. I told him not to tell -
[He sits up, looks at Michael intently.]
Brian: Who?
Michael: Justin. He overheard the doctor leaving a message on your machine and he called the hospital.
[Brian shakes his head. This can't be good.]
[Deb's at home spending another night in front of the tube. The doorbell rings.]
Debbie: Em! [Emmett didn't go to the door.] f*ck!
[She goes to the door.]
Debbie: Hey, Carl.
Carl: You busy?
Debbie: Well, actually you safe me for the shopping chanel.
Carl: Can I come in?
Debbie: I look like sh1t.
Carl: Hey, I have seen you first thing in the morning. Remember?
[They sit down in the kitchen at the table.]
Carl: It must have been a shock, losing him like that, so unexpected.
Debbie: Yeah, you could say that.
Carl: So much left unsaid.
Debbie: Yeah, that too.
Carl: I understand.
Debbie: I was a f*cking asshole, Carl. I said horrible things. Things I can never take back. Things I can never be forgiven for. You know what that's like?
Carl: When Celia - my wife - died, she was in the hospital for three months, lingering, suffering. Lung cancer. She was so scared to die alone, she made me promise I wouldn't let that happen. So I stayed with her, day and night. Slept in that goddamn chair in that goddamn hospital room, listening to her gasping for breath - One night I was so angry - at the chairs, at the hospital, at the doctors, at her for smoking - I went out and had a drink. Actually, I had so many I lost count. When I got back, she was dead. My wife died when I was out gettin' sloshed. I broke my promise and my Celia died alone. I beat myself up for a long time, Debbie, thinking she'd never forgive me. But it was me who wouldn't forgive me. She knew how much I loved her. If she was still here, she'd say, "Carl, what the hell are you doing? Enough already!" It's the same thing with your brother. He knew how much you loved him.
[Deb's all tearful.]
Debbie: I'll just never be able to tell him that I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry!
Carl: He knows, sweetheart.
[He hugs her as she sobs. This is the catharsis she so desperately needed. At last, she's letting out all her grief and letting go of her guilt.]
[At Ben, Michael and Hunter's flat. Michael didn't show up.]
Ben: Hey, set the table. Dinner's almost ready.
Hunter: For two or three?
Ben: Three.
Hunter: Then Michael's coming back?
Ben: Of course he's coming back.
Hunter: I heard you guys fighting last night.
Ben: We weren't fighting. We were having a disagreement.
Hunter: You were disagreeing really loud.
Ben: Sometimes couples do that. Anyway, it doesn't concern you.
Hunter: The f*ck it doesn't. What happens to me if you guys break up?
Ben: Nobody's breaking up.
Hunter: I'm just asking in case I need to make other arrangements.
Ben: You're staying right here, pal. With us.
[Michael comes in.]
Michael: Hey.
Ben: Hey.
Michael: Ben, I'm sorry about last night.
Ben: Me, too.
Hunter: Apologize accepted. Now you guys f*ck and make up!
Ben: By the way, this came for ya.
Hunter: What's that?
Michael: Brett Keller send the option agreement. And an autograph picture for you from Cameron Diaz.
Hunter: Tight!
Ben: You gonna do it?
Michael: Yeah, we're gonna do it.
Hunter: I'm stoked!
Ben: Congratulations.
[He almost sounds sincere.]
Michael: Thanks.
Hunter: Let's eat!
[An unsuspecting Justin arrives at the loft and finds Brian sitting at the dining room table, brooding.]
Justin: Hey. I picked up some movies. Figured we'd just stay and watch.
Brian: What'd you bring? "Terms of Endearment"? "Love Story"? "My Boyfriend Has Cancer"?
[Brian knocks the DVDs on the floor.]
Justin: Why didn't you tell me?
Brian: Maybe because I didn't want you to know. Or maybe because it's none of your fuckin' business!
Justin: Brian - I'm your partner.
Brian: Not anymore. I don't want you here, now get the f*ck out.
Justin: Cut it out.
Brian: I said get the f*ck out!
Justin: Brian, I love you and I want to help you.
Brian: Get the f*ck out!
[He tosses Justin's backpack out into the hallway, then shoves Justin out the door. And that's all, folks.] | Plan: A: Justin; Q: Who discovers Brian didn't go to Ibiza? A: Rage; Q: What movie do Michael and Justin meet with a Hollywood producer about? A: Debbie; Q: Who has a heart-to-heart with Horvath? Summary: Justin discovers Brian didn't go to Ibiza. Michael and Justin meet with a Hollywood producer about 'Rage.' Debbie has a heart-to-heart with Horvath. |
Opening credits EXT NIGHT Plas Gorgeous crane shot, from really high up. Just enough of the familiar to recognise, like the light pillars at one end and a half circle opposite the invisible lift. But the lift fountain is blown to an outline of girders, and there's a bloody great crater where everything else used to be. Broken rocks, depths, and fire. Off at the back, one ambulance parking. Gwen lies curled up face down amidst fire and wreckage. She crawls to her knees. Sits up, shaky. POV shot of smoke and fire, all the sound muted, Gwen after the Bang. Wider shot again, Gwen in front of the light pillars, Millennium Centre off in the background with the lettering lit red. Flames and rubble everywhere. Close again. Gwen on her feet, staggering in front of the bridge. Hands to her head. POV, more flames and rubble, mute sound. Gwen running, heading to the crater, rubble, flames. Two paramedics, running in to intercept her.
AMBULANCE GUY : Whoa ! Whoa ! You can't go back there, love. No, no, no, it's too dangerous.
GWEN : Yeah my friend's still in there. My friends are in there !
AMBULANCE GUY : Go back to the ambulance. Walk as quick as you can, now.
GWEN : Let me go and get him. Let me go ! Let me go ! No ! (Screams) No ! Ambulance guys pick her up and carry her to the ambulance. She struggles and screams.
AMBULANCE GUY : Hold her down ! Control said no survivors.
GWEN : Aaagh ! White guy pins Gwen to a stretcher while black guy gets a syringe out and taps it. Gwen gets the man's arm into her mouth and bites. He screams and releases her. With blood on her mouth Gwen punches one guy in the nuts, sits up, grabs the fire extinguisher, clangs both of them with it. They're both down and knocked out. Gwen sits hard and takes a deep breath. She grabs their guns, shoulder holsters under paramedic uniform. On a nearby roof a red laser sight draws our attention to a Sniper. There's a dot on Gwen's jacket. She looks up, dot lines up with her eye. Gwen dives and shoots two handed ! Sniper shoots but only hits the white ambulance guy ! Gwen sits up, fires. Sniper ducks. Gwen gets up and runs behind the ambulance. She climbs in the driver's seat, dumps guns on the passenger seat, and puts her foot down. Dead ambulance guy falls out the back. Back at the crater... Twisted metal, rubble. Ianto clambers and staggers and emerges with suit intact, albeit dusty. The shot from above the crater leaves you wondering how he survived the fall, let alone the explosion. Ianto gets to the top... and sees red laser through smoke ! Dramatic getting trapped time instead. Ianto sprint in another direction. Sniper continues to miss him. Even with a little dot to show him where it's pointed. He keeps hitting lamp posts and sparking dramatically off the floor instead. Ianto runs away. Gwen with blood mouth drives away. In an ambulance with the back doors open. Dramatic red and black and neat metal shapes and black clad soldier... sniper rifle in hand, soldier is running down the stairs. Ianto runs away more, sniper on the corner behind him. He aims. He fires. Ianto skips and the bullets miss. Ianto runs around a corner and stops. Sirens ! Starts running again ! INT NIGHT Frobisher's house Anna gets mugs of something for Holly and Lilly. They're still in pink bathrobes. They've stopped chanting then. Phone rings.
FROBISHER : Sorry, I've got to take this.
ANNA : Work ? After what just happened ?
FROBISHER : Because of it. They're OK now. Get yourselves to bed, girls. And don't worry. Hello. EXT NIGHT Plas crater Johnson in the boots standing over the burning crater talking to a cell phone.
JOHNSON : Target one's eliminated. Two and three have escaped, but we're in pursuit. INT NIGHT Frobisher's house Alternates with crater. On phone.
FROBISHER : What went wrong ?
JOHNSON : They got lucky. But they won't get far.
FROBISHER : We can't have witnesses. 'Call me when you've got them. And make it quick ! Ends at his house, and as he hangs up... Knock on door. Freeze, then opens door. Mr Dekker. Peers past. Frobisher turns. Girls going past on the stairs.
FROBISHER : Off to bed. Turns back to Dekker.
DEKKER : I've got the translations. Nods and lets him in. INT NIGHT Frobisher's house, different room The two men sit at a table, fancier chairs, not the kitchen. Photo in a frame behind them. Pot plant in foreground. Formal domestic. Dekker gets a big set of papers out.
DEKKER : Instructions. Specifications for something they want us to build. And we haven't got much time to do it in. Frobisher reads. Pages and pages of dense type, complicated stuff.
FROBISHER : When they can communicate like this, in this kind of detail, why do the thing with the children ?
DEKKER : Because they can. And because they want to scare us. EXT NIGHT Cardiff Millennium stadium Gwen pulls up, grabs the guns, gets out. In the back the remaining ambulance guy, awake, hunts around for his syringe. Finds and conceals it. He's sitting in front of a poster that says "NO EXCUSE". An ambulance crew is assaulted every day in London. Gwen gets to the back door and climbs in talking.
GWEN : Who do you work for ? Silence. She points a gun at his head.
GWEN : Who do you work for ?
AMBULANCE GUY : The NHS. Shift aim, fire, aim for his eye, all in a single motion.
GWEN : Who do you work for ?! You tried to kill me. My friends could be dead. So don't think I won't use this.
AMBULANCE GUY : Government. I'm working for the government. I just follow orders, that's all.
GWEN : We're on the same side. Puzzled Gwen, guy pounces, tries to get her with the syringe. Struggle ! Gwen shoots him in the foot.
AMBULANCE GUY : Aaaargh !
GWEN : Why would the government want to destroy Torchwood ? Why ?
AMBULANCE GUY : I just do as I'm told. I'm just following orders, that's all. Sirens zoom past outside.
RADIO : Please come in. Gwen looks at the radio, at the man. Gun pressed between his eyes. Then she turns and backs out the ambulance, keeps her gun on him as she climbs down; he's terrified. Gwen wipes the blood from her face and runs. EXT NIGHT Plas crater Many emergency vehicles there now, fire trucks, ambulance. Lots of hi vis jackets. From ground level it's still pretty impressive. Destruction. People running in with equipment.
JOHNSON (OS) : Jackson, keep the police back. Johnson is openly in charge. PC Andy spots her giving orders.
JOHNSON : You, come with me.
PC ANDY : If she's anti-terrorist, I would not mind being Uncle Terrorist.
JOHNSON : Get some back up. Two escaped suspects. Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper. Armed and dangerous.
PC ANDY : I know Gwen Cooper. She's an ex-police officer, she's not a terrorist.
JOHNSON : Haven't you got tape to tie ?
PC ANDY : Fine, I'm just saying. You're barking up the wrong tree, that's all.
JOHNSON : I want their homes raided.
PC ANDY : Gwen Cooper is not a terrorist.
JOHNSON : You must know where she lives. INT NIGHT Cooper-Williams's house Rhys is in bed snoring with a book on his chest. Gwen slams the door open, gun in hand.
RHYS : Yerh ! Noise of startle and jumping. Gwen gets the light on and moves while snapping orders.
GWEN : Get up ! Now ! We've got to go !
RHYS : Bloody hell, Gwen !
GWEN : Get up, get dressed. We've to get out of here.
RHYS : What's going on, man ?
GWEN : Listen, someone is trying to kill me. And if they're after me, they're going to come after you. Now get up, and get dressed !
RHYS : What ? Naked Rhys is not swift but trying his best. Gwen is packing a backpack. She grabs a contact lens case off the bedside table, next to a white rose in a glass stand, sweet, and some other stuff. Rhys has his underpants on.
GWEN : Faster Rhys, faster, faster ! Rhys has jeans on, and is going for shoes.
RHYS : All right, all right. EXT NIGHT Cardiff road Black jeep travels, blue light and siren going. Andy is sitting in the middle of it. Four armed black clad soldiers around him, one hi vis police officer with sticky out ears stuck between. Johnson in the passenger seat.
PC ANDY : Down to the bottom, take a left. (Pause of look around at the dodgy ops team). I mean, shouldn't there be some sort of briefing first ? Like a risk assessment ? Not that Gwen's a risk. INT NIGHT Cooper-Williams's house Gwen sorts things frantic. For a moment it looks like she's desperate to stock up on booze for the journey.
GWEN : Rhys, car keys ? He's doing his trousers up. Speedy !
RHYS : Try the top of the fridge, I think. Gwen bangs on the wiggly glass partition between their bedroom and front room. Rhys is still mostly pink Rhys skin.
GWEN : I've tried on the top of the bloody fridge, man ! Come on ! If you put the keys in the same place all the time we wouldn't have to go through this time and time again ! Gwen is putting all the urgency into it. Rhys trundles out still half naked, with his phone and his book in hand.
GWEN : What are you doing ?
RHYS : Packing.
GWEN : You're not going to have time to read ! And they can trace us with that ! Throws book and phone over shoulder.
RHYS : Well, I don't know, I've not gone into hiding before have I ! EXT NIGHT Cardiff street phone box Ianto has found a phone box. EXT NIGHT Cardiff street with Jeep Sirens and lights and jeep driving.
PC ANDY : So, er, you lot are some sort of specialists from London. Am I right ? I mean, I totally respect that. Really I do. But sometimes, there's no substitute for a little bit of local knowledge. And let me tell you, Gwen'll be absolutely no bother. (Pause of looking shifty eyes erk at all the weapons). We're not going in there all guns blazing, are we ?
JOHNSON : How far is it ?
PC ANDY : Two minutes. Everyone gets their guns ready. Andy's eyes could possibly get bigger if he got outside equipment. He sits very still. EXT NIGHT Cardiff street phone box
IANTO : Come on, come on... Come on. INT NIGHT Cooper-Williams's house Gwen is at the window peering out. Phone rings.
GWEN : No ! Rhys ! Rhys ! Rhys, still topless, answers the phone.
RHYS : Hello.
GWEN (hisses) : Jesus Christ, Rhys !
RHYS : It's Ianto, right ? Hands phone over.
GWEN : Christ's sake, man ! (Takes phone) Ianto, are you OK ? EXT NIGHT Cardiff street phone box Alternates with Gwen's location.
IANTO : Yeah, have you heard from Jack ?
GWEN : No. No I haven't. Sorry, hang on. (Tangled in unaccustomed phone wire). Do you think he survived ?
IANTO : He usually does. Who was it ? Any idea ?
GWEN : Yeah I had a run-in with one of them. Said he was working for the government.
IANTO : That doesn't make sense.
GWEN : How did they get close enough to plant it inside him, Ianto ?
IANTO : It was him, that Dr Rupesh guy. He was shot and killed in the hospital earlier tonight. It must've been then. Rhys has found the keys, they're in the sofa. And he's even dressed.
RHYS : Let's go.
GWEN : Yeah (Snaps fingers) Take the bag. Get the car ready. Rhys runs out.
GWEN : Er, where shall we meet, Ianto ?
IANTO : Your phone could be bugged. EXT NIGHT Outside Cooper-Williams's house Rhys runs for car. Alternates now with phone conversation.
GWEN : Erm, right... Er... Rhys in the drivers seat, bag in the back seat.
GWEN : Remember the last time we had ice cream together ?
IANTO : No.
GWEN : Yeah, you do. After the Grand Slam.
IANTO : I don't like ice cream. It gives me a headache. Gwen sees out window. Car horn.
GWEN : I've got to go. She runs. Rhys sees the jeep out the back window and keeps leaning on the horn.
RHYS : Gwen ! Car full of soldiers and Andy. Street full of Gwen, she takes aim. Passengers duck as she fires precisely four times. Gwen dives into the car. PC Andy is really not amused.
GWEN : Go ! Rhys does dramatic escape driving with tyre screech. Andy in the car is still sort of ducked.
JOHNSON : Now do you believe she's a terrorist ? Jeep rolls forward... ka clunk, ka clunk... flat tyres all round.
PC ANDY : She shot the wheels. What kind of terrorist shoots your wheels ?
JOHNSON : A clever one. EXT NIGHT Cardiff somewhere else There's something a bit industrial at the end of the street and possibly houses all around. Rhys drives up and pulls up.
RHYS : Right. I think...we made it. GWEN (out the car like a bunny) : Let's go.
RHYS : Where ? Still fumbling his belt. Gwen with her gun out moving quickly, gets the backpack from the back.
RHYS : Can't we just take a minute ? Just to...
GWEN : Number plate recognition. They can trace us. We need to ditch it.
RHYS : It's a brand new car Gwen !
GWEN : It's no good to us now, OK ? We need to keep moving.
RHYS : Well Wouldn't it be better if we gave ourselves up ? You know, like, tell somebody what happened.
GWEN : When I know what's happened, I'll tell someone. Until then, we're going underground.
RHYS : Well Let me carry the bag.
GWEN : Huh ?
RHYS : You want your trigger finger free, don't you ? Bag and a quick smooch, gun still in hand. INT NIGHT Davies's house Soldiers bash the door open. Rhi is almost down the stairs, stops and yelps when the gun men come in.
SOLDIERS : We're looking for Ianto Jones. Men both ways from the front door, guns up and ready, torches the only light. Upstairs, breaking into Mica's room, make her scream, all tiny in her pink bed.
SOLDIERS : Don't move ! Don't move ! Kick the door in on the master bedroom, rush in, pull the blankets back.
SOLDIER : We're looking for Ianto Jones. JOHNNY (naked in the bed) Well, you won't find him in my bed, will you ?! I'm a married man. EXT NIGHT Cardiff street near clock Ianto, dusty suit and smudges, walks along an old street. He looks around behind at shadowy figures walking away. Clock behind him says 3:10. Mysterious ominous van trundles along street slowly behind him. Pulls up. He turns, looks... It's delivering a stack of newspapers. He runs a hand through his hair and turns away, stays like that til the lights pass, then jogs back to grab the news. Newspaper "Sun and raincloud pic. Max 21C, min 8C. Wednesday September 2009 timesonline.co.uk No. 69400 Message to the World : "We are coming". Big pic of seaside and British flag". Ianto looks around and walks away. EXT DAY London. View from sky again EXT DAY Frobisher's house It's big, detached, really impressive doorway, all yellows and green grass with topiary box hedges. INT DAY Frobisher's house Nice bright yellow kitchen, green school uniform. Frobisher walks in, sees his kids at breakfast eating cereal... from Tupperware not boxes... and looks sort of.
LILLY : What ?
FROBISHER : Keep your phones on today.
LILLY : Why ?
FROBISHER : I want to be able to speak to you.
HOLLY : Since when ?
LILLY : Since we were possessed by the Devil.
FROBISHER : I'm serious.
HOLLY : If they go off during a lesson, we can't get them back till friday.
FROBISHER : Keep them on mute. Frobisher walks out. Anna, who has been having a conversation with frown face throughout, follows him.
ANNA : Every suspicious phone call, every mystery meeting, every time you come home late, you hide behind the Official Secrets Act. And I put up with it.
FROBISHER : Don't start on this. Not now.
ANNA : I accept it. But this is different. When it affects my kids, in my house.
FROBISHER : There is nothing to worry about.
ANNA : I saw how scared you were last night.
FROBISHER : I know. It's frightening to see it first hand, there's no lasting damage. It's quickly over.
ANNA : This isn't a hula hoop craze. It happened to Brian and Wendy's kids and they live in Canada. You don't think this is over any more than I do.
FROBISHER : Just make sure they keep their phones on. (Whispers) And don't let them come home on their own. Leaves, past Anna, back to kitchen.
FROBISHER : I'm off now, girls. I'll see you.
LILLY : Goodbye kisses, it must be serious.
FROBISHER : If you could get out of bed at a proper time, you'd get plenty of kisses. (Kisses wife too) Have a good day.
LILLY : Dad ?
FROBISHER : What ?
HOLLY / LILLY : We want a pony. We want a pony. We want a pony.
FROBISHER : See ? Nothing to worry about. EXT DAY Frobisher's house Black car BP08 XGF pulls out of the driveway. Frobisher off to work. EXT DAY A street somewhere Clement, in his cardigan, wandering down the street, behind parked cars. Shifty eyes, staring at everyone who goes past him. Gets a newspaper.
DAILY VOICE : In your free Daily Newspaper Today : Where to go, What to do, Sports Action. We are coming back. A whole bunch of stuff might be readable off a HD screencap. But it doesn't linger, it's just for the headlines. Clem looks up at the sky, whimpers, and hurries off. INT DAY Carter's house In the kitchen, Steven at the centre island, Alice behind him folding laundry.
TV : Latest headlines. Further reports are coming in about the explosion in Cardiff last night. No organisation has yet claimed responsibility for the explosion, which went off in the Bay area of the city. So far casualties are said to be low.
STEVEN : Isn't that where uncle Jack lives ?
ALICE : It's a big place Cardiff. Shh !
TV : With only two people reported missing. Although seventeen people from... INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office Lois walks in, new outfit for a new work day. There's a big Confidential sign on one of the filing cabinets and another one says HI. Waves back at the people who make sets.
TV : Residents in Cardiff are reacting with shock and outrage. The entire bay area...
LOIS : Morning. Lois stares at the TV monitor a while. Ambulance, fire engine, people in hi vis uniforms, and people climbing on rubble. Then Lois goes to her desk.
TV: ...has been closed off and witnesses say the effects of the explosion last night could be felt five miles away. No-one can say for sure why this area was the site of such an unexpected attack, and the Prime Minister's office has refused to speculate until more details are known. Fortunately, the timing of the device last night meant very few people were around... TV fades under the music while Loïs gets her coat off, blue jumper today, and gets to work. The post-it of security fail is probably not necessary any more since she has a memory. So now she's logged in as Bridget Spears and looked up Torchwood again. Classified Information : Authorised Personnel Only. Log in ID : Bridget Spears. "Torchwood Organisation. History. Archive. Personnel : Case Files organisation originally established at the MacLeish Estate in Aberdeenshire some 130 years ago, the organisation has since found homes in Glasgow, London and Cardiff although Torchwood 2 in Glasgow is thought to have disbanded and Torchwood 1 in London is now defunct following the Battle of Canary Wharf, during which the base was subject to an alien confrontation in which most of its agents perished. Torchwood 3, located in Cardiff Bay is thought to be the last operational Torchwood post although there are still some private acquisitions which Queen Victoria herself made that are unbeknownst to us."
Picture : Very distinctive building, big porch and lots of steps. Lois looks at TV. Shock : very distinctive building, big porch and all. Cardiff Bay devastated by bomb. Police seal off area.
BBC NEWS : Are evacuating residents within a two mile radius of Cardiff Bay as... Lois can add that together. Bridget Spears, in Frobisher's office, hangs up the phone and comes out. Lois has mastered the art of the leisurely window change. She clicks. We see her screen briefly : "File//Torchwood>>092977. File//Torchwood>>092972. File//Torchwood>>092969. File//Torchwood>>092965. File//Torchwood>>092944." And many others flicking past fast on a countdown, file numbers longer and cut off by screen edge. Lois looks up something with Jack's picture, and then we see again "Order to kill". "Personnel Active. Captain Jack Harkness. Position : Captain Jack Harkness is the Torchwood responsible for the organ. (?) Biography : File//Torchwood : Captain. Ianto Jones. Position : Senior Torchwood operative". "Order to kill : Colonel Michael Sanders (ret). Ellen Hunt. Captain Andrew Staines. Captain Jack Harkness (active)." That's the image as Frobisher starts to speak.
FROBISHER (VO) : As you know, Harkness is a difficult man to kill. INT DAY Prime Minister's Office Close up on Frobisher.
FROBISHER : Current theories suggest that his longevity is connected in some way to the Torchwood Hub. Which necessitated taking out the entire operation.
PRIME MINISTER : He can't still be alive, after that.
FROBISHER : As I said, awaiting results.
PRIME MINISTER : What about these, er... these specifications ? From the 456 ? I could barely understand a word of them.
FROBISHER : Nor me. But I'm told the translations are excellent. And they've started work. Dekker's called in the damage control team, they're working as fast as they can. Early reports are looking, well, lets say promising.
PRIME MINISTER : Can we see it ?
FROBISHER : They'll be ready to show us work in progress by 1600 hours.
PRIME MINISTER : We're building something and we don't even know what it is.
FROBISHER : Can I ask ? Did the 456 contact any other country ?
PRIME MINISTER : Intel's been listening. No chatter on the wires. Seems like it's only Britain.
FROBISHER : And how long can we keep it secret ? Given the children's last statement, "We are coming back". That's what everyone seems to be asking? when were they here before ?
PRIME MINISTER : Yes. Well, if that's everything...
FROBISHER : Sir. (Rises, walks two steps, stops and turns). Sir, I'd just, um... I just um wanted to say how... grateful I am, sir.
PRIME MINISTER : What for ?
FROBISHER : Well. I know that I'm something of a middleman in these affairs, but um... I just wanted to thank you, for trusting me with the responsibility.
PRIME MINISTER : All I've done is put you on the front line. That's what the front line's for, John. First to fall.
FROBISHER: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Frobisher exits through office door, hesitates, looks back, goes. Door close behind him. Prime Minister never looks up. EXT DAY Wreckage and fire at the Plas Close up on rubble and flames. Daylight but still burning.
EMERGENCY WORKER : Come on, check the gas is turned off. A man in a dark red uniform with hi vis stripes, wearing a yellow helmet, is being lowered into the crater, past girders and towards flames. Above, Johnson looks down past more rubble, similar uniformed emergency workers around her, recognisable bits of landmarks behind her. Wrecked metal frames in the half circle fountain shape lie next to a patch of fire. Emergency workers are down there now. There's job chatter happening.
EMERGENCY WORKER 1 : Get some breathing equipment down here.
EMERGENCY WORKER 2 : Hang on ! Stop ! I've got something ! A human hand sticks out of the rubble. Mud and blood but in the pink. Left hand, left wrist, no strap.
EMERGENCY WORKER : Hello ? If you can hear me, clench your hand. Pause, looking.
EMERGENCY WORKER : It's not a body. It's just the arm. Johnson does satisfied head tilt back. INT DAY Carter's house Close up on phone. Purple phone and purple nail varnish. Names I-L selected : Jack. 0770900578. Alice, all color coordinated and purple today, uses her cellphone to call Jack, with worried finger not quite biting going on. EXT DAY Wreckage Plas We see the emergency workers and fire while we hear the phone ring. Johnson presides over it all, striding around casually.
ANSWER PHONE : This is Jack Harkness. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. INT DAY Carter's house Alice through stair bars, fingers on mouth of worried.
ALICE : It's me. Call me. When you get a chance. Her voice is only a little worried. Her curl up and lean on fist is a lot worried. Long shot of her sitting small half way up the stairs like that.
STEVEN (OS) : Mum, there's no toothpaste. Up and back to the grown up job then. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office Lois hides the Torchwood files again as the door opens. Looking shifty and a bit worried there.
BRIDGET : Everything OK ?
LOIS : Yeah. They're expecting us, the car's waiting.
BRIDGET : Well, come on then. Lois gets up. Frobisher walks past, busy. His phone rings.
FROBISHER : Hello ?
JOHNSON : We thought there was a body, but we've got an arm, a shoulder and the remains of a head. It's almost a waste of a body bag. She's still with the emergency crews. The body bag, curled up with just a couple of lumps in the top, is carried past on a stretcher.
FROBISHER : Is it Harkness ? In the office Lois looks up at that name.
JOHNSON : Presumably.
FROBISHER : Take him to Ashton Down. Keep him under surveillance. He walks off and pockets the phone. Lois hurries after, into the corridors.
LOIS : Sorry, sir, I couldn't help hearing. That name. Harkness. Is that Captain Jack Harkness ? From Torchwood ? Only he was trying to contact you yesterday. I did mark it in the log. Said he could help.
FROBISHER : Not now, he can't.
LOIS : Are you sure ? He was very insistent. He told me his team were the experts at dealing with things like the children thing.
FROBISHER : He told you that ? Over the phone ?
LOIS : Yes.
BRIDGET : He always was an arrogant sod.
LOIS : So, he can't help ? He's not really the expert ?
FROBISHER : That bomb in Cardiff last night. He was the one at the centre of it. It tore him to shreds. Frobisher walks off. Lois talks to Bridget.
LOIS : Does that mean whoever's behind the bomb's behind the children thing ? Like they wanted him out of the way or something ?
BRIDGET : Lois, your job, you don't overhear phone calls. You speak when you're spoken to. OK ?
LOIS : Sorry. EXT DAY Wreckage Plas Emergency workers with their sad bundle of body bag. Johnson looking serious. Camera changes focus to Ianto on the roof behind them, watching it all. Balls of steel, dude. Ianto is worried. Body bag is loaded into the back of a black van. Doors slam. "Private ambulance. Please leave a minimum of 3m/10ft clearance at rear of vehicle for stretcher access. NK03 0XR". He writes the car number plate on the back of his hand. Then he leaves the roof. Johnson is still looking tough. And oblivious. EXT DAY Davies's house Kid on a bike with a hi vis satchel, newspaper delivery boy, pedals slowly up hill and goes up to the Davies' door. Car in the foreground shows fuzzy people in the mirrors. Johnny is fixing his door. In the car one black man has a camera, snaps Johnny and the delivery, while a white man sits and watches in the passenger seat.
JOHNNY : Thanks, mate.
PAPERBOY : There you go. Click goes the camera. Johnny sees them, makes a face like he's starting to say a rude word, turns and goes back in. Black car just keeps sitting there. INT DAY Davies's house Johnny slams the front door and starts reading the paper. As it unfolds, something falls out. Johnny bends to pick it up as his kid David comes down stairs. Johnny looks puzzled, David goes up close and takes a look.
DAVID : It'll be from uncle Ianto. Ssh ! We're probably bugged. EXT DAY Surveillance car White bloke, no camera, has an earpiece. He is getting an earful. INT DAY Davies's house In the kitchen, Rhiannon has the letter, Johnny is ranting loudly at the ceiling.
JOHNNY : Innocent kids, fast asleep at home, and a gang of uniformed thugs break in and point guns at their head ? It's no wonder they're traumatised. It's no wonder our poor David pissed the bed.
DAVID : I didn't.
MICA : Ha, you big baby !
JOHNNY : It's the police state to blame, and I'm going to rinse the bastards for every penny they've got !
RHIANNON : Oh, shut up, Johnny ! Rhiannon rushes out. Silent staring reaction. David shrugs and goes back to his computer game. INT DAY Davies's house main bedroom Rhiannon gnaws on a thumbnail and reads the card. « Where dad broke my leg, at noon. Bring laptop, I. ». Johnny comes in and sits next to her.
RHIANNON : What's he done ? Why's he bringing it to our door ?
JOHNNY : Hey, hey. We're the only family he's got. Forehead touching hugs. EXT DAY Some buildings with lots of empty around them. Ashton Down From the air again. INT DAY Ashton Down corridor of cells Johnson waits in front of an open cell, standing straight with hands behind back. Soldiers wheel in the bits in a bodybag.
JOHNSON : Put it in here. Though the bag is unrolled now there's still only Stuff in one end of it. Two of them carry it very easily. Johnson watches. INT DAY Carter's house Alice tries the phone again. INT DAY Ashton Down corridor of cells Johnson stares looking impassive. EXT DAY Cardiff cashpoint Rhys and Gwen at a green cashpoint. Gwen has the bag. Rhys is trying to work the money machine. The cashpoint has one of those eyes in a circle "Who's looking over you" signs meant to make you not give your pin away. INT DAY Ashton Control Computer screens zoom in and the operative gets a good look. Location with a big red blip. EXT DAY Cardiff cashpoint
RHYS : Come on, come on ! Gwen watches a CCTV camera swinging round towards them. INT DAY Ashton Control But the camera they have to worry about is in the machine, looking up at Rhys. His name comes up, and a wiggle looks like a voice match. EXT DAY Cardiff cashpoint
RHYS : No. They've frozen mine, as well !
GWEN : sh1t !
RHYS : What now ? How're we going to manage without money, Gwen ?
GWEN : We need to get to London.
RHYS : London ? Everything's dearer in London !
GWEN : That's where all the decisions are made. Whoever wants us dead, that's where they'll be.
RHYS : Right. So where we should be is John O'Groats !
GWEN : I need to speak to people, but I haven't got anybody's numbers any more. So we've got to go there, OK ? We've got to go. These things are all linked up. Soon as you put your card in, bells start ringing somewhere. Come on. EXT DAY London roundabout with the building with the columns in the front INT DAY Thames House Lobby, stairwell, Frobisher and Bridget lead, Lois follows. Behind them there's a metal desk, barriers before you can get in, and armed police at the barriers. INT DAY Ashton Down A bloke in a beret is staring at monitors, hands behind head. Obviously taking it seriously. Johnson walks up on him.
JOHNSON : Any change ?
BERET : No. Complete waste of time. The body next door, Rupesh Patanjali, London wants to know if it's OK to release him to the family. But Johnson is staring at the screens with her mouth a bit open. CCTV images on a 4 way split. CD02 and CD04 on the left are the familiar corridor, RM06 and RM03 on the right have body bags. One of these is still and full as expected. The other... In RM03 the body bag is filling out. Beret bloke straightens up, shocked. Zoom in on RM03. That's movement.
INT DAY RM03
In the cell it's even more noticeable. The bag of bits is now a bag of moving bits. INT DAY Ashton Down Corridor Beret and Johnson, feet hurrying... hurry to the cell, Beret getting his keys out. He's also got a big gun. Unlock the door, open the cell, both go in.
INT DAY RM03
Johnson looks at the bag.
JOHNSON : Zip it open. Beret looks erk at it, but does so. Zip and from the dark bag... Skeleton with nose and eyes... They peel the bag back and very briefly we see a really nasty anatomically incomplete but sticky red skeleton. Beret bloke thinks it's gross too. Johnson does deep breath as she starts talking.
JOHNSON : It was a bag of bits when it came in. And I asked you to keep an eye on it. Get it out of that thing and cuff it to the wall. She turns and leaves less composed than she's been thus far, bit of a stumble on her, trying to get something out her pocket. Beret bloke really clearly doesn't like this idea any more than I would, arm over mouth of about to puke... but he starts unzipping it. There's a big ring and chains right convenient for the job. INT DAY Ashton Down Corridor Johnson has her phone out. EXT DAY Thames House with the columns INT DAY Thames House in the lift 13 floors outlined in red ding past slowly. Bridget, Lois and Frobisher inside. Frobisher answers his phone. Conversation alternates locations.
FROBISHER : Hello.
JOHNSON : The good news is, we don't have to wait for the DNA tests. This is definitely Jack Harkness.
FROBISHER : And what's the bad news ?
JOHNSON : His Lazarus qualities remain undiminished.
FROBISHER : Jesus Christ !
JOHNSON : If he can survive that, what can't he survive ? Lift arrives. INT DAY Thames House corridor on 13 Frobisher, Bridget, Lois, exit the lift. Dekker hands Frobisher a hard hat. Two men with big guns guard the lift.
FROBISHER : I haven't got time to worry about this, Johnson. I've got more important things in my in-tray. What about Cooper and Jones ?
JOHNSON : No sign of him yet.'We've had a sighting of her at a Cardiff ATM.
FROBISHER : We need that whole team out of the way by tonight. Get it done. Listening Lois watches as they all walk. They arrive at a plastic sheeted doorway. Dekker puts his hard hat on, Frobisher following.
BRIDGET (to Lois) : Wait out here. Bridget has a hat too. Lois does not. And one of the men with the big guns on this doorway heard her being told to wait. Lois waits. And peers through. Inside, construction is happening, with welding and flashing lights. EXT DAY Cardiff lorry stop Rhys is undoing what turns out to be the side fastenings on a big red soft side lorry.
RHYS : Now me, I use an electronic seal, see. Even the driver doesn't know the code. So No-one gets in until it reaches it's destination. But this clown... Gwen is on lookout, staring at a food place opposite.
GWEN : You Sure he's going to London ?
RHYS : I don't question how you defend the world against extra terrestrial infiltration. Don't you question my knowledge of the haulage industry right.
GWEN : Sorry.
RHYS : It's a small company, Gwen. Cardiff to London. Piss poor security. And best of all, guaranteed food cargo. I'm absolutely bloody starving. Rhys gets it open enough and Gwen climbs up under the edge.
RHYS : The smell from Tony's is driving me crackers. Rhys follows her in. INT DAY Lorry Gwen and Rhys clamber in, Warfdale Produce bags all over the place.
GWEN : There is food. I can't fault you on that. I've got the smell of bacon in my nostrils, and I'm looking at a lorry-load of raw spuds. EXT DAY Lorry stop A bloke comes over to the lorry.
RHYS : It mightn't only be spuds. There might be other things at the back. INT DAY Lorry Rhys helps Gwen climb up on the potato stacks. They slide in on top back into the lorry.
RHYS : Come on. EXT DAY Lorry stop Driver reaches the lorry, sees the loose straps, looks in. Nope, only potato here, nothing to see. He ducks his head out again. INT DAY Lorry Sighs of relief.
RHYS : Have you got your pen knife ?
GWEN : Rhys, you are not eating uncooked potatoes !
RHYS : We'll need it to cut our way out. Lorry starts up with horrible screechy sounds, jolts Gwen and Rhys around. EXT DAY Lorry stop Lorry drives off. EXT DAY Davies's house, surveillance car Johnny leads a delegation, mostly young male, mostly in hoodies, a little kid in pink at the back. Surveillance car people look nervous. Car is surrounded. Johnny leans to talk in the window, half down and rain covered.
JOHNNY : What kind of snoops are you ? Dibble or dole ?
SURVEILLANCE DUDE : Dunno what you're talking about.
JOHNNY : Aha so you're perverts, then ? Rhiannon sneaks out the Davies's house, laptop under one arm.
SURVEILLANCE DUDE : Dunno what you're talking about.
JOHNNY : Is it you making them do all the weird talking sh1t ? Everyone look, a couple of paedos on the estate ! Get em ! The whole crowd surrounding the car join in bouncing the thing around, thumping into it, yelling. More adults join them, wave hands of bugger off at it. Behind that Rhiannon gets in the car. Surveillance dude with the earpiece talks into his wrist, presumably going "aagh aagh bloody kids". Crowd continues annoyed. Surveillance guys worried now. Rhiannon drives off. INT DAY Ashton Down Beret bloke at his desk talking to Johnson standing over him.
MALE VOICE (OS) : Charlie Uniform Five.
FEMALE VOICE (OS) : We have observations in place. Same split on the monitors, Ashton Down Block 003 Security Facilities 002010-AD809 CD02, CD04, RM06, RM03. RM03 has now not a skeleton but a recognisable human. Bloody and missing bits but mostly there. Its head moves. Johnson leans in to stare at the screen.
INT DAY RM03
Bright red burn covered body shifts, breathes, and screams. INT DAY Ashton Down CCTV watches. He's thrashing now, pulling against the chains, and still screaming. Johnson and Beret looking shocked.
BERET : He'd have been better off staying dead.
INT DAY RM03
One close-up of burnt face, screaming, and very white teeth the only parts looking right. EXT DAY Road Red sides lorry driving. CN51 ZHP. INT DAY Lorry Gwen and Rhys both lie on their fronts on the top level. Gwen has her chin propped in both hands. Rhys has his arms crossed.
RHYS : Oh, God, this is uncomfortable. Bloody torture, man ! He moves some potatoes. His wedding ring is visible. Close up on Gwen and her wedding and engagement rings are showing too.
RHYS : How are you, love ?
GWEN : My best friend's belly had a bomb go off in it last night. Someone's been trying to kill us ever since. I'm travelling at 70 miles an hour on top of a bed of potatoes, and I think I'm going to be sick.
RHYS : Travel sick, is it ?
GWEN : When have you ever known me to be travel sick ?
RHYS : Well, when have you ever travelled like this ? On an empty stomach. Gwen has a secret grin at that. Gwen has a secret and it's a happy grin.
RHYS : What ? What ?
GWEN : You know some announcements, you... rehearse in your head ?
RHYS : Hm.
GWEN : Yeah. And this wasn't... quite what I had in mind.
RHYS : What do you mean, announcements ? Gwen has happy big eyes, bites lip, looks sideways at him. They have a little conversation in expressions. She grins.
RHYS : Oh, God, no !
GWEN : Yes.
RHYS : Bloody hell, no !
GWEN : Yes.
RHYS : Oh, come here. Oh, my God ! I don't believe it. Grins and back patting.
RHYS : Hang on... The bomb, the guns, the car-chase, The hiding from the law. God ! What am I like ? Letting you do all that in your condition !
GWEN : Well You carried my bag.
RHYS : I'm serious. This changes everything.
GWEN : No No, it doesn't. We're up the same creek, and we still need a paddle.
RHYS : Yeah, but three of us in the boat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT DAY Road Lorry zooms past and honks. EXT DAY Park bench and playground Rhiannon, with closed laptop, sits at the park bench and taps on the sides of the computer. Kids play on the playground. Ianto walks up quickly to the park bench, looking around everywhere, checking.
IANTO : Hey.
RHIANNON : Oh, my God ! What happened to you ?
IANTO : I'm not sure yet.
RHIANNON : I wasn't followed. Sit down.
IANTO : You worked out my little code, then ?
RHIANNON : Dad didn't break your leg on purpose, you know.
IANTO : He pushed me too hard. He always did.
RHIANNON : Well, you should've held on tighter. Seriously. How did you get in that state ?
IANTO : That bomb. It was meant for me and the people I work with.
RHIANNON : My God ! Why ?
IANTO : I don't know.
RHIANNON : What sort of civil servants are you ?
IANTO : Unappreciated ones.
RHIANNON : Are they OK ? The people you work with ?
IANTO : I don't know. Gwen's alive, but there's no way of contacting her. I'm not sure about Jack.
RHIANNON : Is he your boss ? The one Susan saw you with ?
IANTO : He'll be OK. They won't get rid of him that easy. I just need to find him. He looks around, still keeping an eye out. Rhiannon looks straight ahead and says nothing. Sudden silence. Kids on the playground are staring straight ahead. EXT DAY Red blazer school Kids in uniform same as Steven's stand and stare. Church building in the background and great big houses. Orange leaves fallen off trees in drifts against the square wire mesh. Kids inside the cage-like. A ball bounces abandoned. EXT DAY Blue jumper school David and Mica's uniform, green trees, tower blocks. Kids standing still and staring. INT DAY Lorry Now Gwen is leaning on Rhys' middle. Bet that's a squishy comfy pillow.
RHYS : If it's a boy, Edward.
GWEN : Edward ?
RHYS : Yeah. After the king. Potato. King Edward is a variety. Lorry brakes sharply. Brake squeal horns honk. EXT DAY Road Red lorry visible through bike spokes. Kid in the foreground, stock still, middle of the road.
DRIVER : Come on ! Out of the way ! Come on ! Little convoy of kids, standing still. Cars stopped around them. EXT DAY Red blazer school Steven stands and stares. EXT DAY Park with bench Ianto gets up, can see what's going on. Staring. EXT DAY Blue jumper school Still kids, moving teacher.
CHILDREN : We are coming tomorrow. EXT DAY Red blazer school
CHILDREN : We are coming tomorrow.
STEVEN / CHILDREN : We are coming tomorrow.
Computer screen : Government Information Network. Classified Information : Authorised Personnel Only. Log in ID : Bridget Spears. News Wire. Urgent Breaking News. Children speaking in unison : urgent. Terror Alert : Severe Specific. Emergencies Services on standby. Risk group : children. New message across UK : "We are coming tomorrow".Urgent Breaking News. Cardiff Bay bombing. Casualties are low as rescue workers continue to search the wreckage. As yet no group has come forward to take responsibility. £220 million pound overspend. The national Audit Office report on the Department of Transport IT overspend criticises tendering process and...
BRIDGET (OS) : OK, I'll tell him. INT DAY Desks and Frobisher's office Bridget puts phone down and goes in to Frobisher's office.
BRIDGET : It's happened again.
FROBISHER : sh1t. (Grabs phone) What did they say ?
BRIDGET : "We are coming tomorrow". He speed dials. Lois, on the phone, watches through the window. EXT DAY Blue jumper playground
MICA / CHILDREN : We are coming tomorrow. We are coming... INT DAY Pub Clem is standing at the bar in a pub.
CLEM : ...Tomorrow. We are coming tomorrow... Lady behind bar and other bloke look at each other and shake heads. EXT DAY Park bench playground Kids Ianto can see, chanting.
CHILDREN : We are coming tomorrow. We are coming tomorrow.
IANTO : This has something to do with it. It must do. When they tried to blow us up, this is what we were working on.
CHILDREN : We are coming tomorrow. EXT DAY Blue jumper school Still chanting... and kids back to playing. Run and jump and laugh. And in playground. And in red blazer school. INT DAY Pub Clem puzzled.
CLEM : Tomorrow ?
BARLADY : Over and over again.
CLEM : Are you sure ?
BARLADY : Positive. Upset sniffing Clem.
CLEM : Can you smell that ? EXT DAY Pub Hereford Arms. Clem runs into the street and shouts.
CLEM : They're coming ! I can smell them. They're coming ! Tomorrow, and they'll be here. He sniffs, he shouts, people walk past giving him the sideways stare. EXT DAY Park bench and playground Ianto runs in to the kids area to try and talk to a kid.
IANTO : Hey, hey, hello. What did it feel like ? Just then ?
MOTHER 3 : Leave her alone ! Go away !
RHIANNON : They said the same thing here.
MOTHER 3 : Leave her alone. Piss off, you perv !
RHIANNON : Yeah, OK, bye. It happened to David and Mica. What is it ? What is it ?
IANTO : I don't know. But this is what we do. We deal with things like this.
RHIANNON : So deal with it. Stop it.
IANTO : I need to find Jack. Give me that. Takes laptop.
RHIANNON : How will this help ?
IANTO : I took the number of the van they put him in. You can track any vehicle with the right computer programmes.
RHIANNON : Really ?
IANTO : Yeah. Give me the car keys.
RHIANNON : Oh, Johnny'll do his nut !
IANTO : Please ! We don't have time to spare. Takes keys and jogs off. Rhiannon chases.
RHIANNON : A "thank you" would be nice !
IANTO : Look, I'm sorry. I've got to go. Thanks for all this. Gets into car.
RHIANNON : Be careful ! Ianto screeches away. P149 YWN. EXT DAY London opposite the Eye again Sky eyes see.
LOIS (OS) : Hold the line, please.
BRIDGET (OS) : Hello, I'll put you on hold if that's all right. Mr Frobisher will be back in a moment. INT DAY Frobisher's office desks
LOIS : I'll have to put you on hold... Hello ?
TV : "We are coming tomorrow", repeated in total 38 times.
LOIS : I'm Sorry, it's a bit chaotic here at the moment with the children thing...
TV : Reports from all around the world confirm that every single child said the same thing.
LOIS : Can you spell that please ? Give me the name and I'll look into it, and get back to you now.
FROBISHER (to Bridget) : Get my daughters on the phone. Ring the school office if you have to. Drag them out of their lessons. I want to speak to them. Then get me the Prime Minister.
LOIS : There's a call waiting, sir.
FROBISHER : Take a message !
LOIS : It's the Home Secretary. And your wife wants you to call her.
FROBISHER : OK.
LOIS : Hello. John Frobisher's office.
EXT DAY London street Gwen in a phone box. One of the old fashioned red ones. Conversation alternates locations.
GWEN : Can I speak to Mr Frobisher, please ?
LOIS : He's not available at the moment. Can I take a message ?
GWEN : It's Gwen Cooper from Torchwood. I need to see him urgently. Can you set up a meeting ?
"Personnel : Gwen Cooper. Status : Active. Date of Birth : 16/08/1978. Height : 5'8". Hair Colour : Brown. Eye Colour : Green. Last Known Address : 138b Pentre Ro. Next of Kin : Rhys Williams, Husband. Position : Senior Torchwood operative. Expert. Former Police Officer. Has stron Force and an excellent understanding of."
LOIS : Erm... I'm not sure.
GWEN : Just put me straight through, then.
LOIS : He's very busy.
GWEN : Yeah, he would be ! Who is this ?
LOIS : Lois. Lois Habiba.
GWEN : What happened to Bridget Spears ?
LOIS : She's on another line.
GWEN : Do you know what Torchwood is, Lois ?
LOIS : Yes.
GWEN : Then you should know that right now you lot need us. The whole world needs us. We can help. But someone's trying to kill us. Someone who claims to be working for the government.
LOIS : Why would the government want to kill people who can help ? EXT DAY London street In view of houses of parliament, two red phone boxes showing with a distinct Crown mark on top and some landmark in the back. Rhys is looking around and carrying a backpack. Still alternates.
GWEN : Exactly, that's what I have to find out. That's why I need to see him ! Look, I know all this sounds mad, but you have to believe me. INT DAY Frobisher's office desks
LOIS : I do. I do believe you. Frobisher opens the door to talk to her and Lois quickly flips windows and voice tones.
LOIS : Hold the line, please.
FROBISHER : Call my wife. I'm in a meeting with the Prime Minister. I'll ring as soon as I can.
BRIDGET : I'm putting the school through.
FROBISHER : Ah ! EXT DAY London Gwen not best pleased.
GWEN : If you're tracing this call...
LOIS : I'm not.
GWEN : So you can set up a meeting, then ? INT DAY Frobisher's office Lois stares. Frobisher is on the phone.
FROBISHER : Lilly, is Holly there ? They're both all right ? Are you sure ?
LOIS (to Gwen) : Yes. Gwen does fist of yaay to Rhys and then open hand of wait. Bridget walks in to Frobisher's office.
BRIDGET : The Prime Minister's on his way. He'll be there in ten minutes.
FROBISHER : OK, thanks. Ring ahead, let them know we're coming.
BRIDGET : Right.
FROBISHER : Simon, we're going back to Thames House. Lois, left at her desk, bites a thumbnail and worries. INT DAY Café Christmassy lights in the window, nice chairs, some squishy armchairs, ketchup and HP in their bottles on the table. Gwen has the chair with the view of the door. Rhys twitches to look over his shoulder when the door opens. Just some balding bloke. Back to talking to Gwen.
RHYS : Can we trust this guy ?
GWEN : He's our man in the government. If we can't, we really are in trouble.
RHYS : Gwen, we really are in trouble !
GWEN : Yeah we've got to trust someone, Rhys, OK ? Lois walks in. Gwen looks out from under her fringe. Lois walks over.
LOIS : Hi. I'm Lois.
GWEN : Where's Frobisher ?
LOIS : He's not coming.
GWEN : Why not ?
LOIS : Oh, God, this is probably the worst mistake of my life. I've read your files. Some of the stuff you've done, you're like unsung national heroes.
GWEN : Listen, I don't do autographs and I don't want to be rude, but why am I talking to you and not your boss ?
LOIS : Because if he knew you were here you'd be dead. He gave the order to have Jack Harkness killed.
GWEN : Are you sure ?
LOIS : I've seen it with my own eyes.
RHYS : We really are in trouble.
LOIS : Do you know a Captain Andrew Staines ?
GWEN : No.
LOIS : A Colonel Michael Sanders ? Ellen Hunt ?
GWEN : No.
LOIS : They're all dead. They were killed on the same day as Jack Harkness. I didn't sign the Official Secrets Act to cover up murder. But then, I didn't take the job to commit treason on my second day. What am I doing here ?
GWEN : You tell me, Lois.
LOIS : If you're the bad guys, why doesn't it say that on your file ? And if you're the good guys, who am I working for, and why do they want you dead ?
RHYS : Listen, this a lot to talk about. And we're going to arouse suspicion. And we haven't ordered. When we went on the run, we didn't have any money, see ? We put the last of the coins into the phone box to get through to you. So If there's any chance you could, er... Gwen looks just short of facepalm. Lois looks a bit put out. But she pulls out money. Purple note money, lots.
RHYS : Thank you. Oh, great. Thanks. That's magic.
GWEN : I'll have steak pie and chips. And a cup of tea.
LOIS : Just a latte for me.
RHYS : OK, I won't be a sec. I'll leave you to it.
GWEN : Thanks, we owe you one. A big one.
LOIS : Everyone in the office seems to think what's happening with the kids is all to do with aliens. And that they'll be here tomorrow. And there's something big being built on the top floor of the MI5 building.
GWEN : OK, what do you mean something ?
LOIS : I don't know. But it's like they're getting ready. And if you lot... Torchwood... if you're the alien experts, and they really are coming tomorrow, why does Mr Frobisher want you out of the way all of a sudden ?
GWEN : I've no idea. But I'm going to find out. Can you tell me anything about Jack Harkness ? Or Ianto Jones ?
LOIS : Jones is missing. I've been told Captain Harkness is dead.
GWEN : Well, that can't be true.
LOIS : Well, that's what I thought. I overheard Mr Frobisher say to keep him under surveillance. I mean Why do that to a dead person ? EXT DAY Ashton Down Sky establishing shot. Jack shouts.
INT DAY RM03
Close up on camera in a red dome.
JACK (OS) : Come on ! Who's the genius behind the camera ? 4 way split CCTV again, Jack on lower right, RM03. 002010. ADB09. Active. A----X is across the screen, with the X where it provides the world's smallest figleaf. Between that and the streaky CCTV effect naked Jack is sort of... boring.
JACK : Come on, come on out and take your bow ! Show yourself ! INT DAY Ashton Down Beret bloke sits up and watches.
INT DAY RM03
Jack chained to the wall naked from about the armpits up. Angry and struggling.
JACK : Face me like a man ! Round hatch in the ceiling opens. Worried Jack. Calm Johnson steps into view in the daylight above.
JOHNSON : I'm not a man.
JACK : Who are you ? What's all this about ?
JOHNSON : Apparently you can't die, so it would be foolish to tell you anything. But I will say this. If I can't kill you... I can contain you. Johnson steps aside. Jack struggles lots with his arm muscles showing. A hose is lowered into the ceiling hatch. Jack is covered in the nasty grey stuff, liquid pouring everywhere, filling the cell. Jack screams. EXT DAY Outside Ashton Down Ianto has binoculars, a good view, and a very worried woob face.
GWEN (VO) : Do you know where they're keeping him ? INT DAY Cafe
LOIS : I've got a floor plan in my bag. Gwen smiles. Lois gets the file out.
WAITRESS : Steak pie and chips, twice ?
RHYS : Oh, lovely, thank you. Rhys and Gwen take food and tuck in. Lois briefs them as soon as the waitress is gone.
LOIS : It's, um... it's a military compound.
GWEN : Are you sure ?
LOIS : That's where Mr Frobisher told them to take him. Salt ?
GWEN : Thanks. This is brilliant work, Lois.
RHYS : Can you ? (HP passed) Oh, thanks.
GWEN : The only problem is, how do we get inside ?
LOIS : Well, Mr Frobisher's just authorised the release of a body from Ashton Down. This is Rupesh Patanjali.
GWEN : They must have thought he was one of us.
LOIS : Well the undertaker's name is Richard Rossiter and he's got an appointment to pick him up at 5.30 today. I was thinking, access to a funeral director would be easier than access to a secure military compound. So... He'd have to pass through here at some time between 5 and 5.15 to get to Ashton Down for 5.30, and there'd be no witnesses. The name of the contact at the compound is a Corporal Camara. His number's on there, and he'll be expecting you. Sugar ? Gwen has a look just short of "damn, already married". And Rhys too.
LOIS : I'm a PA. It's what I do.
GWEN : When this is all over, and you want a job, come and see me. Lois grins. Dear, check the life expectancy first. EXT DAY Road with a coffin The coffin is not a permanent feature. Car X186 DAA a big black van is parked at the side of a leafy road, and Rhys is backing up holding the head end of a coffin, Gwen helping him on the feet end. Muffled shouts from the bloke inside, stripped to his shorts, tied up, and gagged.
GWEN : I'm sorry. I don't suppose you'll believe it. But this is all in the national interest. They dump him there, with the lid off beside him, and go for the car. Get his funeral suit out the back, go to the front. Gwen slams the doors and they drive off. EXT DAY London Thames House Roundabout from a different angle. INT DAY Thames House car park The underground car park with scary security again, two cars driving in together. INT DAY Thames House Floor 13 corridor Lift opens, ding. Two security guards with big guns still. Frobisher and Bridget wait with red hard hats in hand.
FROBISHER : Prime Minister. Hands him a hard hat.
PRIME MINISTER : Ready ?
FROBISHER : Let's go.
PRIME MINISTER : Have they sent us any further information ?
FROBISHER : Not since they sent us the designs for this thing. INT DAY Thames House Floor 13 Under construction. They push through plastic to find metal and sparks.
FROBISHER : I've got two radio operators working round the clock. We're sending out continuous messages on the 456 wavelength, but we're getting nothing back.
PRIME MINISTER : Carry on. Don't mind me. This is his way of ignoring Dekker. He turns away and talks to Frobisher.
PRIME MINISTER : What's the latest from Jodrell Bank ? Any signs of their approach ?
FROBISHER : No. But then there wasn't last time. Prime Minister sees something, reacts with shock.
PRIME MINISTER : What's that for ? Big glass tank, heavy frame, half hid by plastic still.
FROBISHER : It's for them. EXT DAY Ashton Down Gate Nice brick pillars, serious spiked plain gate. Propped open. Black van, Rhys and Gwen arrive. Pull up and wait for the sentry.
GWEN : Hi, we're here to pick up a body. 5.30 appointment. Corporal Camara ?
SENTRY : Kodak's dead !? When did that happen ?
GWEN : No, he's the contact. The name of the deceased is Patanjali. Rupesh Patanjali.
SENTRY : Jesus ! sh1t meself then ! He owes me money. Sorry. I'll have to look in the back. INT DAY Ashton Down 4 way split CCTV, CD02, CD04, AR04, GT01. The van is G01, the corridors are where they're about to go, and I think AR is the outside. Beret is watching the screens.
SENTRY (VO) : Kodak, got a couple of body-snatchers down at the gate for you, over. EXT DAY Ashton Down A building, some construction looking vehicle in the foreground, Corporal Camara answering the sentry.
KODAK : OK, let 'em in. Over. Rhys and Gwen drive in. The gate is up the back with a building, then there's a bar to lift and they drive over a cattle grid, then past a parked mixer lorry and a 30 speed limit sign. CCTV on a stick is watching them. 4 way screen, CD02, GT04, AR04, CD04. The GT04 screen has the gate bar falling now. Rhys and Gwen arrive at the building with Corporal Camara. There's stacks of green barrels and lots of blokes in black armour and helmets.
RHYS : We're not going to get away with this.
GWEN : You really shouldn't be here, Rhys.
RHYS : I shouldn't ?! Hello ?! (Eye flick at her belly). If Jack needs carrying, you're going to need me here. Gwen has grin of aw I married that ! Rhys winds the window down as the Corporal gets there.
KODAK : See that fire exit ? Do you wanna back up to that ? Save you having to wheel him round the block.
RHYS : OK.
The building has a lot of sealed up windows and one broken one near a door. Rhys drives where he's told. Camera on a stick still watching. AR03 shows Rhys backing up. Is the gate bar, CD04 empty corridor, CD03 has Gwen and Camara walking. INT DAY Ashton Down corridor CD03 Gwen and Camara walking.
KODAK : So there's an upside to this place being turned into a mortuary all of a sudden.
GWEN : So you don't get many bodies, then ?
KODAK : Not usually. But we've got in three at the moment. (Pause walk stare). Do I know you ?
GWEN : No, I don't think so. CD02 empty RM06 body bag CD03 which was a corridor a minute ago... Is showing Rhys getting the body trolley out the back of the van. CD04 has Camara walking.
KODAK : You don't look like an undertaker. If more undertaker's looked like you, there'd be more of a demand for bereavement. Ooh, ooh, hang on. I'm just going to open the fire door for your mate. AR03 is Rhys with the car now. RM06 body bag. CD04 empty and CD03 with Gwen and Camara below. It's a very quick way to show a mobile story.
KODAK (VO) : Corporal Camara at the west corridor. I'm just opening the fire door for the body-snatchers. OK ? BERET (at his CCTV watching seat) : OK. Kodak and his big gun are following Gwen along the corridor with a big grin. Gwen looks heavenward. Rhys rolls the trolley in behind them.
KODAK : She's shy, isn't she ?
GWEN : I just prefer the company of dead people.
KODAK : Is she seeing anyone ?
RHYS : She's married. Married and pregnant, so you can forget it, mate, right ? Gwen has Urgent Hands Conversation of waving No. Rhys has oops face. Gwen does pleasant work smile. Kodak looks suspiciously between the two...
KODAK : You're a couple, aren't you ? Gwen nod and little squeak of agreement. Kodak sighs and turns to unlock the cell door. Gwen makes with the hands talk again, yap, yap, zip it. Rhys replies with eyebrows. Kodak, oblivious, unlocks the door. CD02 and CD04 are the corridor outside the cells, RM06 and RM05 both have body bags. RM05 is in the lower right quarter like Jack was. But he was in RM03. Cell door open, Gwen and Kodak go in, CCTV swings around to watch them.
KODAK: No offence. You can't blame a man for trying. On the split screen Gwen stares directly into the CCTV lens. Good thing nobody on the other end is hunting her or anything.
KODAK : Do you want to check this is the right one ? He unzips Rupesh. Gwen, clipboard ready, gets out her "pen" : the gizmo.
GWEN : Yeah. On the split screen RM06 fuzzes out.
BERET : Corporal Camara ?
KODAK : Yeah.
BERET : Everything OK ? The camera's not working.
KODAK : Yeah. Just checking the paperwork. No problem. Gwen thwacks him one, Kodak goes down. Rhys sort of ducks and makes the most amusing face. He checks the corridor. Gwen grabs the keys. She comes out and hands them to him, closing RM06 cell door. Rhys unlocks the next one as Gwen gizmos the corridor camera.
GWEN : Oh come on.
BERET : What's going there ? I've lost two cameras now.
GWEN : That's the one. Come on. Rhys gets the cell unlocked. On CCTV Gwen walks in, turns, aims gizmo, zaps the camera. Beret bloke hits the alarm and grabs a phone. Alarm. Gwen unzips the bag, but it's a stranger.
BERET (VO) : Intruders. Two of, west corridor. Intruders, two of, west corridor.
GWEN : sh1t. Rhys runs for the next door, keys ready.
GWEN : Leave it, Rhys. Out the way ! She pulls a gun and shoots the lock. Because clearly that's more reliable and quicker than using the actual key and doesn't use up your limited ammo supply at all and you don't have to worry about ricochets. Open door and... wall of concrete.
GWEN : What the hell is that ? Well it's grey, solid, concrete looking, and kind of wall like.
SOLDIERS : Move ! Move ! Move ! Positions. Soldiers run in. Gwen and Rhys hide behind the big metal door. Bullets fly and clang. Gwen shoots back.
RHYS : We'll have to surrender. Gwen leans around the door again to shoot some more. Soldiers walk up behind them and point big guns. Johnson, not even with her gun out, walks up between them. Gwen aims, fires... No bullets. Johnson is unfazed.
JOHNSON : I'd lay down your weapons, if I were you. You're as trapped and helpless as the man in the concrete cell. Gwen has two guns. Only the top one went click. Will she fire ? Steps forward, with menace.
JOHNSON : Put the guns down ! Johnson has four armoured men with fully automatic big guns around her. Stands still with menace. Tense standoff. Gwen puts the guns up. Hands in the air.
GWEN : OK.
Bends slowly, lowering guns to the floor. Rather cutely, Rhys drops the keys too. Because clearly he is dangerous with those. Guns almost down and... EXT DAY Ashton Down A forklift truck has just nicked the whole damn cell. Inside bits of building fall down on soldiers. Outside Ianto, in builder hat and hi vis but with his tie done up and showing, drives the forklift. To the rescue. Gwen and Rhys duck falling rubble.
GWEN : Run ! And follow the cell out, Gwen taking one more shot as they leave.
SOLDIERS : Positions. Come on ! Positions.
IANTO : Come on, get on. Grin of win.
GWEN : Ah, Ianto. You took your time.
RHYS : Come on. Rhys climbs on and helps Gwen up. She's left mostly outside, gun hand free. Inside still in disarray, falling ceiling, lots of shouting, soldiers in a mess.
SOLDIERS : I can't see. Come on ! Gwen rides the forklift.
SOLDIERS : Move it !
JOHNSON : Take your positions. Soldiers shoot, Gwen hangs on and shoots back at them, great big forklift speeds away. Rhys flinches with every shot but keeps hold of his wife. Soldiers in pursuit.
RHYS : They're going to catch up.
GWEN : Rhys, get out and move that truck. It's the truck near the entrance cattle grid. He does.
IANTO : Hold on tight. Soldiers run for their black jeeps. Forklift rattles over the grid. Soldiers start the cars moving. Rhys rolls the truck forwards. Jeeps come round the corner. Gwen gets off the forklift and Rhys runs out the truck.
GWEN : Move, Rhys ! He runs, he ducks, she shoots, the truck goes up in a bloody great Boom ! Soldiers stuck behind the fire.
GWEN : Come on. Team Torchwood, even the concrete encased member, all back on the forklift, making their daring getaway.
JOHNSON (to phone) : We've got a problem. Cooper and Jones stalled us at a roadblock. INT DAY Thames House Frobisher on the phone with a beige wall behind him. Locations alternate.
FROBISHER : How did that happen ?
JOHNSON : I'm sorry. There's a chopper on the way, but they've got a head start on us now.
FROBISHER : If he talks, we're in deep, deep sh1t. I'll have to call you back. Johnson lowers phone. Flames in the foreground. EXT DAY Quarry Close up on forklift, Ianto driving.
RHYS : Where the hell are you taking us, Ianto ? It's a quarry. Being a quarry, this time. Great big forklift loaded with Team turns in and pulls up.
GWEN : What are we doing ? Ianto clicks some buttons and the forklift starts doing a Transformer bit, growing feet and stuff.
IANTO : You'll see in a moment. Get the car started ! We've only got a few minutes. Come on ! Gwen and Rhys hop off and head for the car. Ianto plays expertly with forklift controls and starts extending the big concrete block.
IANTO (mutters) : Come on, come on, come on. Big block stuck out over big drop. And further. Long way down and drops. Tumble... fall... Ianto jumps out the forklift and gets into the car, which drives off fast. Down to the floor of the quarry and... Concrete wreckage, moving, pink... skin... Jack ! Jack gasps back to life. He stands up. Still wearing the chains. Staggers out the mess, face grimy, but hair remarkably in one piece. Car full of team arrive. X794 CEP. Jack has frown face until they pull up and get out. Check out Ianto's grin there.
JACK : Told you I'd be back.
IANTO : With a little help from us.
JACK : What the hell is going on ? Gwen holds out a hand to Rhys, who gets his coat off and passes it to her.
GWEN : Dunno yet, but the latest from the kids is that it's happening tomorrow.
JACK : I'm just in time, then. Walks forwards.
GWEN : Get in the car. Come on, we've got work to do. Holds out coat to him, head turned aside. Naked Jack takes the coat, throws it over one shoulder. He walks past Ianto, heading for the car. Ianto turns only once Jack is past. Everyone gets in. EXT NIGHT London from above Evening, Big Ben glowing and lights making towers pretty. TV voiceover while stuff happens. Thames house from above.
TV (VO) : ...United Nations has issued a statement asking parents and guardians of children...
TV (VO) : ...the question still remains why every child in the world is giving their statements in the English language...
TV (VO) : ...no theories as to why and how... INT DAY Thames House Floor 13 corridor Frobisher, Bridget, a couple of unnamed women, walking corridors past armed men.
TV (VO) : The focus now is on tomorrow. With every child in the world claiming that tomorrow is the day, the world is left wondering. INT DAY Thames House Floor 13 Frobisher leads the way, pushing doors open. The construction mess from before is gone. The last bits of plastic being removed.
DEKKER : Mr Frobisher, sir. Frobisher, Bridget, and Dekker, come to a halt standing in front of the Big Glass Tank.
DEKKER : Seals locked and... release.
LAB TECH : Sir. Billowy whitish gas pours into the Big Glass Tank.
DEKKER : As per the 456 instructions. A combination of 25% nitrosyl chloride, 22% hydrogen chloride, 20% nitrogen, 12% fluorine, 9% hydrogen cyanide, 6% acetone, 6% phosgene. In short... poison. I'd hold on to your nose, Bridget ! Though, come to think of it, you've been doing that for years.
FROBISHER : And that's what they breathe ?
DEKKER : Breathe ? Eat ? Fart ? We know nothing about them !
BRIDGET : Excuse me, if we know the composition of that gas, can't we work out what sort of creature could live inside it ?
DEKKER : Could do. If we had all the time in the world !
FROBISHER : So they arrive... and then what ?
DEKKER : The whole room's laid out, according to 456 instructions. Something of an ambassadorial suite, I'd say. Or a throne room. Who knows, maybe a slaughterhouse.
BRIDGET : But if they arrive tomorrow, then how ? How do they arrive inside that ?
DEKKER : No idea.
BRIDGET : Who else knows about this ?
FROBISHER : For all we know, they've sent the same instructions to every country in the world. We've said nothing, maybe everyone else is keeping quiet, too.
DEKKER : Oh, I don't think so. Whoever they are, they're coming for Britain.
BRIDGET : Well, why ?
DEKKER : Exactly. Why is that, Mr Frobisher ? Frobisher looks shifty and walks out. Bridget follows him. Dekker, with worrying music, takes his glasses off, goes over to the Big Glass Tank, and hugs it. And sniffs. Then huffs a breath onto the glass. Last image, him spread out, the Big Tank swirling full of gas. | Plan: A: Torchwood; Q: What team is forced underground? A: swift and brutal action; Q: What does the government take against Torchwood? A: only Lois; Q: Who holds the key to Torchwood's salvation? A: her superiors; Q: Who makes plans for the mysterious Floor 13? Summary: Torchwood are forced underground, as the government takes swift and brutal action. With members of the team being hunted down, only Lois holds the key to Torchwood's salvation - but she is helpless as her superiors make plans for the mysterious Floor 13. |
•I do not own the characters or situations of BTVS, and I claim no credit for the content of this episode. I have merely transcribed what appeared on my screen, with help from the closed captions. •I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Teaser
GLORY: You keep refusing to tell me where the key is! Monk talking to Buffy.
MONK: We had to hide the key ... made it human and sent it to you. Buffy brushing hair back from Dawn's face.
BUFFY VOICEOVER: Dawn.
DAWN: What's wrong with Mom?
GILES VOICEOVER: Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer...
BUFFY: I don't know. Riley talking to Xander.
RILEY: Buffy's like nobody else in the world. When I'm with her it's like, half of me is just ... on fire, going crazy if I'm not touching her. But she doesn't love me. Riley talking to Buffy.
RILEY: I know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you wanna let me in on any of it, you let me know. Riley in Willy's bar talking to Sandy.
SANDY: We ... could go somewhere else. Someplace more ... private.
RILEY: Ohhhh, Sandy, Sandy. My heart belongs to another. Besides, I don't go out with vampires. Spike and Buffy kissing.
BUFFY: Spike. I want you.
SPIKE: God, I love you so much. Spike sitting up in bed.
SPIKE: Oh god, no. Please no. Buffy talking to Joyce.
BUFFY: Are you okay?
JOYCE: You know the nothing that I've been dealing with the last couple of weeks? I-it might not be nothing.
BUFFY: What is it?
JOYCE: I'm, uh, staying overnight at the hospital for observation. I'm getting a CAT scan. Buffy sitting on the back steps crying, putting her face in her hands. Fade in on hospital CAT scan room. Joyce lies on the machine, wearing a hospital gown. We see a glass window, behind which two technicians are standing. The machine makes noises as the part Joyce is lying on slides into it. Close-up on Joyce's face. She closes her eyes. Long shot of the machine. Close-up on Joyce's face again, her eyes open again. She closes them again.
Cut to Dawn fiddling with a bracelet on her right wrist. A hand comes into view and gives her a can of soda. It's Buffy. Dawn looks up at her. She sits down next to Dawn and opens her own can.
DAWN: What is a CAT scan exactly?
BUFFY: I don't know. It's some ... x-ray, I guess.
DAWN: Where do they get the CAT scan from? I mean, do they test it on cats or ... or does the machine sort of look like a cat?
BUFFY: Dawn, I'm really... She stops herself as Dawn gives her an apprehensive look. Buffy puts her arm around Dawn and brings Dawn's head to rest on her shoulder. She kisses the top of Dawn's head. Long shot of them sitting there in the hospital waiting room as various staff people walk by.
Cut to a telephone book, open to a page where we see a large advertisement for the Magic Box.
TARA VOICEOVER: "Your one-stop spot to shop for all your occult needs." We see Tara and Giles standing behind the counter, looking at the ad.
TARA: Catchy.
GILES: Think so?
TARA: Uh-huh. In a ... hard to read sort of way, but I think it's great.
GILES: Oh. Tara moves away as Giles studies the ad and soundlessly mouths the words to himself. The door opens and Anya enters, followed by Xander and Willow. Anya immediately begins straightening the merchandise on the shelves.
XANDER: I'm just saying, I think it's rude.
WILLOW: I wouldn't call it rude.
XANDER: Rude-ish. Rude-esque. Whatever you want to call it. When a person makes a "destroy all vampires" date, it's simple courtesy to wait for your co-destroyers. Am I right, Giles?
GILES: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.
TARA: Oh, the-the new phone book's in with Mr. Giles' ad. Anya races around the counter, shoving past Tara.
WILLOW: Oh, nice.
ANYA: Yay! Am I mentioned? (looking eagerly at the ad)
GILES: Not as such.
ANYA: (disappointed) Oh.
XANDER: Okay, we were supposed to hook up with Riley this morning, to take on a nest o'vamps holed up in a tomb? So we get there, and guess what? Tell him, Will.
WILLOW: Tomb go boom.
XANDER: Yep. Captain America blowed it up real good. All by his lone wolf lonesome.
GILES: Hmm, uh, rather reckless of him. (We see Anya still studying the ad.)
XANDER: I'd say very rather.
GILES: All that aside, I should think you'd be pleased to avoid the confrontation.
ANYA: That's what I've been saying. I mean, I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter. (Suddenly gets a look of realization on her face; excitedly) Which really just goes to show how much I've grown! (Smiles hugely. Willow and Tara grin at each other)
GILES: Yes, well, um, in any event, uh, since you're all here, Tara and I could use your help researching Buffy's mysterious woman.
XANDER: Oh yeah, this has been fruitful. Trying to look up something you ... never saw and don't know the name of.
ANYA: Just do what I do: flip through the pages and look busy.
WILLOW: It'd be nice if we knew where she was, where she's hiding out.
XANDER: No doubt lurking around some sewer or condemned church or rat-infested warehouse. You know, the usual haunts.
Cut to: a beautiful, well-appointed apartment. Glory reclines on a round bed surrounded by shoeboxes. A demon dressed in monk's clothing is kneeling on the floor, holding a scroll.
DREG: Most beauteous and supremely magnificent one, this dark spell I hold in my worthless and scabby hand is our gift to you, most tingly and wonderful Glorificus...
GLORY: (trying on a shoe) Please, call me Glory. And get up, looking at you is hurting my neck.
DREG: (gets up) Forgive me, shiny special one. I beg of you to rip out my inadequate tongue.
GLORY: (reaches out her hand) Gimme. Dreg grins and walks forward, sticking out his tongue. Glory waits till he's close enough and then grabs the scroll.
DREG: Oh. (laughs nervously) I thought... (still laughing as Glory examines the paper) You should know, your elaborate marvelousness, that this dark incantation has been lost for eons...
GLORY: Uh-huh. (trying on another shoe)
DREG: And great dangers have been faced to...
GLORY: (sticking her leg straight up in the air) Does this pump make my ankle look bony?
DREG: No! No, no, your terrifically smooth one, it is the epitome of ankles. (Glory ignores him, trying on another shoe) To touch such an ankle would be - but I'm not touching. I'm backing away. Glory kicks out her foot and the shoe flies off it, hitting Dreg in the forehead.
DREG: Ow! Thank you.
GLORY: Dreg, is it? (Gets up)
DREG: Yes. Dreg. Your creamy coolness has honored me by speaking my name. Your voice is like a thousand sweet songbirds that-
GLORY: (irritated) Yeah, I never tire of hearing that. Look, just so we're clear, the spell's gonna work, right? (Dreg nods anxiously. Glory turns and goes to the window, peeking around the curtain) I mean, nothing worse than a gift that doesn't work. Then I'd have to get all mad and kill you! (apologetically) It's this whole big thing.
DREG: It will work, your extremeness. Provided you have the other items you need.
GLORY: Don't worry. I'll have them all right. She walks past him to where a copy of the phone book is sitting open to the page with Giles' ad. She tears out the page and smiles at it.
GLORY: I'll have it all. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Clare Kramer, Charlie Weber, Kevin Weisman, William Forward, Amber Benson as Tara, and Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers. Written by David Fury, directed by Daniel Attias.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act I
[SCENE_BREAK]
Exterior of the Summers house, day. Riley approaches the front door and finds it slightly ajar. He knocks and walks in.
RILEY: (calling) Hello? Buffy? He takes off his jacket, then notices something on the floor and picks it up. It's a blanket. He frowns, looks up the stairs, drops both blanket and jacket and starts up the stairs.
Cut to: Spike holding a pink sweater up to his face and inhaling deeply. He lowers the sweater, sighing happily, then takes another sniff as Riley appears behind him.
RILEY: What are you doing in here? Spike whirls around and we see he's in Buffy's bedroom. He quickly hides the sweater behind his back.
SPIKE: What, me? I was um ... uh ... what are *you* doing here?
RILEY: Looking for the girl who's gonna rip your arms off when she finds out you were in her bedroom. (Walks forward.)
SPIKE: Oh yeah? Well ... me too. Riley glances down, makes a move toward Spike's hands. Spike flinches backward and tries to maneuver so Riley can't see what he's holding.
RILEY: (bemused) Were you ... were you just smelling her sweater?
SPIKE: (scoffs) No. (Riley glares at him) Well, yeah, all right, I did. It's a ... predator thing, nothin' wrong with it. Just ... know your enemy's scent, whet the appetite for a hunt. (He sniffs the sweater again) Ah, that's the stuff! Slayer musk, it's bitter and aggravating! Spike presses the sweater against his face and makes angry growling noises. Riley snatches the sweater away from him, tosses it aside, then grabs Spike by the front of his shirt.
RILEY: Out. As Riley hustles Spike out, Spike grabs a piece of lacy pink underwear from a drawer. Riley hurries down the stairs, pulling Spike after him.
SPIKE: Hey, watch it! Easy, you're bruising the leather! (They reach the bottom of the stairs and Riley lets go) Look. I know for a bleeding fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here.
RILEY: Right. What's a little sweater-sniffing between sworn enemies.
SPIKE: Your girl in the habit of buying her enemies drinks? 'Cause she spent the better part of last night with me, (smugly) doing just that.
RILEY: 'Cause you guys are such tight pals.
SPIKE: Yeah.
RILEY: That's good. Tell me another.
SPIKE: Okay, how 'bout this one. Twice in recent memory, she's had the lover-wiccas do a deinvite on the house. Keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest list?
RILEY: (falters for a moment) Because you're harmless.
SPIKE: Oh yeah, right. (scoffs) Takes one to know, I suppose. Least I still got the attitude. (looking Riley up and down) What do you got, a piercing glance? Face it, white bread. Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. (patronizingly) Not that she doesn't like you ... but sorry Charlie, you're just not dark enough. Riley scowls, grabs Spike, opens the door and thrusts Spike out into the sunlight.
SPIKE: Hey ... Hey! Hey! Hey!
RILEY: Am I dark enough for you now?
SPIKE: Bloody pull me back in, you sod, I'm starting to sizzle!
RILEY: You don't know anything about Buffy, you never did. I'm the one who knows what she needs.
SPIKE: Oh yeah? That's why you're with her at hospital right now, giving her what she needs.
RILEY: (pulls Spike back inside) What are you talking about?
SPIKE: Don't you know, didn't she tell you?
RILEY: You tell me.
SPIKE: Mum's sickly. Buffy took her to the hospital for a bit of prod 'n probe. Bite-sized one went too. (needling) You know, it's-it's funny her not calling you about that. I've known since last night. Riley grabs Spike and shoves him outside. Sizzling noises.
SPIKE: (OS) Blanket! Blanket! Riley kicks the blanket out and slams the door. He leans against the banister looking conflicted.
Cut to Buffy in the hospital, pacing outside a door marked "Examination Room." She twiddles her fingers nervously and sighs. A hand appears and grabs her shoulder; she spins around.
BUFFY: (sighs) Riley.
RILEY: Sorry. I heard. I thought maybe you'd ... need ... Buffy hugs him.
BUFFY: I do. I do. I'm glad. (pulls back) I just, I-I didn't ... I mean, until we knew what it was...
RILEY: I understand. How's she doing? Buffy turns to look at the door.
BUFFY: Well, she just had a CAT scan. I was about to go in and find out. Will you ... sit with Dawn while I talk to Mom? She's in the waiting room.
RILEY: Yeah, yeah, you got it. Buffy nods, sighs, turns away. Riley turns in the opposite direction.
Cut to Buffy entering a darkened room.
BUFFY: Hi. We see Joyce and a doctor standing in front of a set of CAT scan images stuck on a lighted wall. They turn.
BUFFY: May I come in?
JOYCE: Oh, of course, baby, come on in. Uh, where's Dawn?
BUFFY: Uh, she's with Riley. They're watching TV in the waiting room.
DR. ISAACS: Excuse me, I'm just gonna check on the status of the OR. (Exits)
BUFFY: The OR?
JOYCE: Dr Isaacs says I'm ... lucky there's one available on such short notice. Some people wait for days, sometimes, weeks.
BUFFY: (softly) Mom, what did they find?
JOYCE: A shadow. I've got a shadow. (looks at the images on the wall) Somewhere ... over there ... he showed it to me, but, um ... they have to do a biopsy to find out exactly what it is. Buffy looks upset. They hug.
JOYCE: (voice breaking) Doctor says it's too early to be concerned.
BUFFY: Right. (pulls back to look Joyce in the face) No concern.
JOYCE: Just a shadow. They smile bravely at each other. Buffy turns to look at the images again.
WILLOW VOICEOVER: I just wish we knew what we were dealing with.
Cut to Magic Box. The table is spread with books, Xander, Tara, and Willow sitting around it.
WILLOW: It feels like we're going around in circles. In the background we see Anya looking at bookshelves and a customer walking through the shop.
XANDER: Our circles are going around in circles. We've got dizzy circles here, Giles. The customer walks up to the counter and hands Giles an item.
GILES: Ah, weeping buddha, shoulders your spiritual burden. (wraps the item) Makes a lovely paperweight too.
TARA: Maybe she's not in the books.
WILLOW: What do you mean?
TARA: I mean, what if she's not a demon or sorceress or spirit or whatever these books cover? (Giles looks over at her as he rings up the sale) What if she's something else altogether?
GILES: Thank you, come again. (Hands item to customer and comes out from behind counter toward the table) Something new, you mean?
TARA: (shakes head) Something old. So old it pre-dates the written word.
WILLOW: (thinks of something) Giles, the Dagon sphere. You said that was created to repel...
GILES: That which cannot be named. (removes glasses thoughtfully)
WILLOW: So I'm thinking maybe she...
GILES: Predates language itself? Willow nods significantly. Xander looks puzzled.
XANDER: Well hey, if it means I don't have to read any more, woo! And might I add a big hoo!
GILES: If Tara's right, then we're blind. There's ... there's no way we can determine ... her moves, her habits, where she'll turn up next- He turns around, putting his glasses back on, and is confronted by Glory. She has a few items in her hands.
GILES: Oh! I beg your-
GLORY: (abruptly) Uh-huh. (holds up items) I want these.
GILES: Yes, of course! (hurries behind the counter, taking the items) Um, you find everything all right?
GLORY: No problemo. (takes out her purse as Giles scribbles on a receipt)
GILES: That's, um... Shot of Xander, Tara, and Willow sitting at the table, ignoring Giles and his "customer." Cash register noises. They continue looking at the books.
GILES: Your receipt. (Hands receipt to an impatient Glory) And ... (puts items in a paper bag) Thank you! (hands bag to Glory. She smiles and leaves. Giles watches her, smiling.)
GILES: (turns back to the others, removes glasses again) She could be anywhere. But if she is as powerful as, uh, Buffy says, I imagine it won't be long before she makes herself known. Shot of the others sighing and turning back to the books.
Cut to hospital. Dawn is curled up asleep on an armchair. Riley drapes his jacket over her and crouches beside her. Across the room we see Buffy sitting and watching them. Riley comes over to sit next to her. She puts her head on his shoulder. He kisses the top of her head. Suddenly Buffy sees the doctor approaching. She gets up and walks over to him, leaving Riley behind.
DR. ISAACS: Everything went fine, they're moving her into recovery now.
BUFFY: (nervous) Do we have the results yet?
DR. ISAACS: Let's, um, sit down over here for a minute.
BUFFY: No! (more quietly) Excuse me, no, I ... I don't mean to be rude, I just, I've been sitting for hours, I don't wanna sit. I just ... tell me, please.
DR. ISAACS: Your mother has ... the term is low-grade glioma. It's a brain tumor. The clinical name is oligodendroglioma. It's in the left hemisphere of the cerebrum. In your mother's case the tumor seems to have started there. In other words, it hasn't spread from another part of the body... He keeps talking but his voice fades out as the camera zooms slowly in on Buffy's dismayed face. Blackout.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act II
[SCENE_BREAK]
Fade back in on Buffy still listening to the doctor.
DR. ISAACS: I know this is very difficult, and, uh, because of the nature of your mother's illness ... unfortunately, things may progress very quickly.
BUFFY: Things? What things?
DR. ISAACS: Symptoms. There's a fair variety that might present. Loss of vision or appetite, lack of muscle control, uh, mood swings...
BUFFY: But what can we do?
DR. ISAACS: Well, not much, until we determine if the tumor's operable. Which we are working on. (Leads Buffy over to some chairs and they sit)
BUFFY: Is there something that I ... I mean ... can I help?
DR. ISAACS: Well, there's some literature you might want to look at. If we aren't able to go in surgically, there are a number of new treatments that are very promising. Your mother's prognosis is a lot better today than it would have been only a year ago. Even if the tumor's not operable, she has a real chance.
BUFFY: What's a real chance?
DR. ISAACS: Nearly one out of three patients with this condition does just fine. (Buffy sits back looking shocked. Camera stays on her face as the doctor continues.) Now, let me ask. Does your mother's insurance company require copies of the MRI and pathology reports?
BUFFY: I'm not sure.
DR. ISAACS: (OS) Well, just let me know as soon as possible. And I could use some information regarding your mom's lifestyle and home environment. For instance, does she use a cell phone?
BUFFY: (frowns) Uh, I think so. Uh, yeah, she um, she-she has one of those ear things.
DR. ISAACS: OK, is your house near any power lines, chemical plants, waste disposal facilities?
BUFFY: Uh ... I-I don't know. Maybe.
DR. ISAACS: Well, the more we know...
BUFFY: I'm sorry. The doctor scowls and writes on his clipboard. Ben approaches and puts his hand on the doctor's shoulder.
BEN: Excuse me Doc, but they told me you're needed in ICU.
DR. ISAACS: Excuse me, Miss Summers. (Gets up)
BUFFY: (distracted) Uh, it's okay. Isaacs leaves and Ben sits down next to Buffy.
BEN: Thought you looked like you needed a break. Guy's great, but he doesn't have the bone in his head that tells him when to back off.
BUFFY: You mean ... they, they didn't need him?
BEN: Well, I'm sure someone does somewhere, they always do. He really is a good doctor. Your mom's in good hands.
BUFFY: (smiles) Thank you. It's Ben, right?
BEN: Right.
BUFFY: He, um, he was just telling me that there's nothing I can do.
BEN: Yeah, I'm gonna tell you the same thing. Give yourself a break. Listen, your mom's gonna be unconscious for at least another six, seven hours.
BUFFY: A break?
BEN: Well, I just mean go out, get some air. Come back later on this evening, talk to the doc then if you want. My unsolicited advice of the day. He leaves. Buffy leans her head back and sighs deeply.
RILEY: (OS) Buffy. Riley approaches and Buffy gets up to hug him.
BUFFY: It's bad.
RILEY: I know.
BUFFY: I ... (grabs her coat and puts it on) I have to do something.
RILEY: Do something?
BUFFY: Yeah, like, you know, magic, like a healing spell.
RILEY: Buffy ... people get sick. I don't think magic-
BUFFY: That attitude's not helping. (Riley looks cowed) I have to try.
RILEY: Okay.
BUFFY: I need to talk to Giles. Uh, will you do me a favor and, and drop Dawn off at school, and tell her I'll meet her at the magic shop in an hour when she gets off?
RILEY: Of course, whatever you need me to do. (Buffy starts to leave) Buffy! (she stops) What do you want me to tell Dawn ... about your mom? They both look at Dawn, still sleeping in the chair with Riley's jacket over her.
BUFFY: Tell her we don't know anything yet. Riley nods. Buffy turns and leaves.
Cut to magic shop. Anya is looking through a pile of receipts. We see Xander in the background. Suddenly Anya stops and stares at a receipt.
ANYA: Hey. (louder) Hey! (shouting) HEY! Xander turns to look at her. Anya holds up the receipt and waves it as Giles, Willow and Tara come rushing over. Giles wears a large false smile.
ANYA: HEY!
GILES: Anya, your heys are startling the customers.
XANDER: And-and pretty much the state.
ANYA: You sold someone a Khul's amulet and a Sobekian bloodstone.
GILES: Yes, I believe I did. (takes receipt and examines it)
ANYA: Are you stupid or something?
GILES: Allow me to answer that question with a firing.
XANDER: She's kidding! (to Anya) An, we talked about the employee-employer vocabulary no-nos. That was number five.
ANYA: (grabs receipt back from Giles) You never sell these things together, ever! Bad news! Don't you know about the Sobekites?
WILLOW: Oh! I do. It was an ancient Egyptian cult, heavy into dark magic. (Anya nods)
TARA: And the Khul's amulet, wasn't that a transmogrification conduit?
ANYA: Damn straight!
GILES: Be that as it may, I still see no reason for concern. I mean, the-the Sobekian transmogrification spells were lost thousands of years ago. And besides, the young woman to whom I sold them would have to have had enormous power- (Stops suddenly.)
WILLOW: (quietly) Young woman?
GILES: Oh, dear lord.
Everyone looks alarmed except Xander, who looks confused.
XANDER: What?
Cut to a carousel whirling around, brightly lit, playing cheerful music. Pan down to Riley and Dawn sitting on a bench in front of it. Dawn is holding an ice-cream float, poking at it with her spoon, distracted.
RILEY: You're melting.
DAWN: Oh, um ... guess I'm not hungry.
RILEY: Maybe I'm not making this any better.
DAWN: No, I just ... this is better. (They smile nervously at each other and are quiet for a moment.) I had my tenth birthday party here.
RILEY: Really?
DAWN: Mm-hmm. We'd just moved to Sunnydale, and ... Mom rented the carousel for an entire hour for just me and my friends. (pauses) Except I hadn't made any friends yet, so ... it was just me and Mom and Buffy riding it by ourselves, over and over and over again... (Riley smiles) for the whole hour, just so Mom felt like we'd gotten our money's worth. (Pause, then Dawn speaks with her voice breaking) She's ... she's not gonna get better, is she?
RILEY: (leans toward her) Absolutely she will. Summers women are tough. Dawn smiles.
DAWN: I'm really glad you're here.
RILEY: Thanks.
DAWN: Buffy's glad too.
RILEY: (smiles skeptically) Yeah?
DAWN: She sure cries a lot less with you than she did with Angel.
RILEY: (surprised) Angel ... made her cry a lot, huh?
DAWN: Everything with him was all ... (grimaces, makes claw motions with hands) eee, you know?
RILEY: All...?
DAWN: You know ... "my boyfriend's a vampire" crazy crazy. (Riley nods) Every day was like the end of the world. She doesn't get all worked up like that over you. Riley looks stung, but tries not to show it. Dawn realizes she didn't say the right thing.
DAWN: I think you've been really good for her. She smiles encouragingly. Riley tries to return her smile, but he doesn't really feel it.
Cut to magic shop.
BUFFY: So I figured there has to be some kind of mystical cure, right? I mean, like a, a potion, or a spell or something. We have to look. During this speech the camera pans around the table showing us Anya, Xander, Tara, Buffy, and Willow sitting, and Giles standing, leaning with his hands on the table.
WILLOW: We can look ... I mean, we will, but ... I haven't seen anything.
GILES: The truth is, uh, the ... mystical and the medical aren't meant to mix, Buffy. Sorry, um .. .the human mind is very delicate. Too much can go wrong.
TARA: Yeah, I've heard stories about people trying healing spells ... if we did something, it could make things a lot worse, Buffy.
ANYA: We've done just about enough making things worse for one day, haven't we? Everyone looks guilty except Buffy, who looks confused.
BUFFY: Why? What do you mean?
XANDER: Uh, nothing. Anya broke a ... bippity boppity boo. A thing. Don't worry about it.
ANYA: I did not! I didn't break-
GILES: Anya, Buffy doesn't need to hear about your ... clumsiness right now.
ANYA: (sighs) My clumsiness. I mean, that is so- (Willow and Xander give her meaningful looks. She looks at Buffy) ...like ... me. Slippery, slippery ... butterfingers.
BUFFY: (not fooled) What happened?
GILES: Nothing to concern you, uh-
BUFFY: Giles!
GILES: (sighs) The, uh, (embarrassed) demon woman was here, the one who attacked you. Buffy looks alarmed.
WILLOW: It's no biggie, she-she just got an amulet and a bloodstone.
ANYA: That can create a monster.
WILLOW: Okay, biggie.
BUFFY: My god, are you guys okay though? I mean, did - no one got hurt, right?
GILES: Oh no, thankfully, no, uh, no violence to speak of.
BUFFY: Okay, so, that's good ... (not understanding why everyone looks guilty) How did she get away with this bad mojo stuff? Pause. The others look at each other in embarrassment.
ANYA: (whispering) Giles sold it to her. (Buffy looks at Giles accusingly)
GILES: (defensive) I, I, I... I didn't know it was her! I mean, how could I? (sighs) If it's any consolation, I may have overcharged her.
TARA: Anya figured out what the demon lady's up to.
ANYA: Yeah, a few thousand years ago there was this cult, the temple of Sobek.
BUFFY: Sobek.
ANYA: Reptile demon. Sobekites were reptile worshippers.
XANDER: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
ANYA: (angrily) Great. Thank you very much for those nightmares.
XANDER: Sorry.
ANYA: Anyway, their high priest Khul had great mystic powers. He, um, forged an amulet with transmogrifying crystal.
WILLOW: Transmogrifying is changing a living thing into a different kind of thing.
GILES: We've managed to decipher the markings that were on the bloodstone that I sold - that she left with. Um, cobra. She's going to transmogrify a cobra.
BUFFY: Okay, so she's making a monster. What for? What does it do?
GILES: That's the part ... (clears throat) we're working on it.
BUFFY: Well, you keep working on it I'll go kill it. (gets up to leave)
GILES: Buffy?
BUFFY: (turns back) What? I'm going.
XANDER: Buffy, this chick creamed you last time.
BUFFY: That's because I wasn't ready for her last time. I am now.
WILLOW: But you-
BUFFY: But what? Will, I can't just sit here. I have to do something. She leaves.
Cut to: exterior shot of the Sunnydale Zoo, day.
Cut to: inside the reptile building. Pan across a sign explaining the characteristics of the cobra. We see a cobra case with the snake inside. Pan back across to Glory looking at the case. She punches a fist through the glass, reaches in and grabs the snake. She holds it up to her face, smiling. The snake hisses. Glory hisses back(?). The snake's tail lashes angrily.
GLORY: Chill, worm. I'm gonna make you a star! (Laughs. We see Dreg watching, smiling.) Glory takes the snake by the tail and lowers it into a large clay vase, head-first. Dreg watches anxiously, then hands her the amulet. She holds it in both hands, over the mouth of the vase.
GLORY: Chant! Dreg opens the scroll and begins to chant in a foreign language. Titles at the bottom of the screen translate.
DREG: The form is vessel, rendered new. The base is stone, bathed in blood. The gem is fire and elements rarified...
GLORY: (speaks English) Sobek, grant the power ... (Dreg continues chanting) that it may mold this wretched creature ... that it may be reborn ... that it may serve ... (irritated) ah! Dark incantations! Always overwritten! (Dreg stops chanting, looks uncertainly at her) Why can't they just cut to the- Suddenly Buffy tackles Glory from the side, slamming her into a wall.
BUFFY: Fight? Buffy kicks Glory in the face.
GLORY: No fair- (Buffy kicks her again) attacking- (Buffy punches her in the stomach, then in the face) when I wasn't even looking! (Buffy grabs her head and begins slamming it against the wall) Ow! (She grabs Buffy's hand, removes it from her head, and slams Buffy into the wall.) No, this is no good. (Buffy rises and tries to punch her again; Glory grabs Buffy's arm and pulls it behind her) I'm out of the moment... (braces her other hand against Buffy's shoulder) and you're not giving me anything I can use. Dreg! I'm not hearing chanting! (Punches Buffy in the face, then slams her against the wall)
DREG: (OS) Yes, Glory. (resumes chanting) Glory lifts Buffy to her feet again.
GLORY: Hey, hey. Work with me here. (Flings Buffy backward against another wall. She slides down to sit on the floor.) There! (grabs Buffy's hair and knees her in the face) That feels more real, don't you think? (Pulls Buffy up and flings her against another wall. Buffy lands upside down and stares, gasping, as Glory approaches. She grabs Buffy by the throat and lifts her up again.
GLORY: Even if I do have to carry your performance. She throws Buffy across the room. Buffy crashes through the glass into the snake case.
GLORY: (throws up her arms) Scene!
DREG: Cir hayyan win-hud!
GLORY: (walking toward the vase) Arise. (louder) Arise.
DREG: Cir hayyan win-hud!
GLORY: (annoyed) Arise! The vase rocks wildly back and forth. Suddenly it explodes as the creature bursts out of it. It looks like a very large snake, but with arms. It hisses and sways back and forth.
DREG: He is arisen!
GLORY: 'Bout damn time! (Smiles. Blackout.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act III
[SCENE_BREAK]
Fade in on the reptile house. Dreg and Glory watch the creature arising. Buffy picks herself up and climbs out of the cage, unnoticed.
GLORY: Spawn of Sobek! The creature turns toward her and approaches. She smiles and puts her hands on its face.
GLORY: The power is yours ... (We see Buffy leaving) to see what is unseen. To find what is shrouded in shadow. Already, you know what I seek. I have given you form, now find for me the key. Seek it out in the holy places. (The creature hisses) Yes, yes, yes! Let your vision guide you to its hiding place, and then return to me and tell me where it lies. Her smile fades as the creature continues to stare at her.
GLORY: Now would be good. She smiles again and claps her hands as the creature turns away.
GLORY: (giggles) Fun, fun, fun!
Cut to magic shop. Giles talking to a customer.
GILES: Aleister Crowley Sings? Um, sadly, no, I-I don't carry that, but I do have some very nice whale sounds. (Sees Riley entering) Oh, excuse me for a moment. Giles walks toward Riley. We see Xander also getting up and coming to join them.
RILEY: Where's Buffy?
GILES: Um, she-she left a while ago.
RILEY: What? (sighs) Where?
XANDER: That creepy demon woman's conjuring some kind of monster.
RILEY: And you let Buffy go after her? Alone?
GILES: Uh, "let" isn't really a factor when she sets her mind to something, you know that. (He sees a customer approaching the counter and hurries off.)
RILEY: (to Xander) She'll get herself killed. It's crazy.
XANDER: Yeah. Crazy. Going off alone, half-cocked, instead of waiting for much-needed backup ... charging in with a big old hand grenade ... oh, wait. Riley looks a little guilty.
RILEY: This is different.
XANDER: Yeah, it is. Buffy needs something she can fight, something she can solve. I don't know what kind of action you're looking for ... (looks closer at Riley) Do you? Riley stares at him, then looks away.
XANDER: Hey, I'm not trying to get-
RILEY: It's cool.
XANDER: You okay?
RILEY: (nods) Just a little crazed.
XANDER: I hear ya.
RILEY: (moving toward the door) If, uh, she needs me... (He shrugs and leaves.)
Cut to: exterior shot of a church.
Cut to: interior of church. Pan across a statue of Jesus on the cross. Pan down. We see the snake creature moving through the church, hissing. Its eyes are yellow.
Cut to Magic Box. Giles hands something to a customer as the phone rings. He moves to answer it.
GILES: Magic Box, your one-stop spot to shop for-
BUFFY: (on phone) Giles, it's me.
GILES: Buffy! You all right?
Cut to Buffy in the hospital, on a pay phone.
BUFFY: No, I'm really not. (takes an ice-pack from a nearby rack of medical supplies; sighs) I-I couldn't stop her. I couldn't even slow her down.
GILES: Where are you?
BUFFY: (puts the ice-pack inside her jacket, on her shoulder) Sunnydale Memorial.
GILES: Are you badly hurt? I'll, I'll come right over.
BUFFY: No. No, I-I just wanted to warn you that that thing she conjured, it's loose -- it's a big snake thing. Not mayor big, but it's pretty (winces) lethal looking.
GILES: Do you know why she raised it?
BUFFY: I don't know yet.
GILES: I'll warn the others. We'll get weapons, we'll fan out-
BUFFY: Wait. What time is it?
GILES: (looks at his watch) Half past four, why?
BUFFY: School's out. Dawn's on her way over to you. Giles-
GILES: Understood. We'll keep her safe here until you arrive.
BUFFY: Thanks. And Giles...
GILES: Yes?
BUFFY: Dawn's kind of fragile right now. About Mom. She doesn't know how bad it is.
GILES: We'll not say a word.
BUFFY: (sighs) Well, my mom's gonna wake up soon, and I should ... be there when the doctors tell her.
GILES: She's in good hands, Buffy. There's really nothing else you can do.
BUFFY: Okay. Bye.
GILES: Bye. They hang up. Buffy walks off through the hospital halls, possibly limping a little. Begin slow piano music without words. Shot of Riley drinking in Willy's bar. Shot of Buffy sitting in the hospital, waiting. Shot of Dawn sitting at the table in the magic shop, trying to do homework but unable to concentrate.
Cut to bar. Sandy walks over to sit next to Riley. He looks at her.
Cut to hospital. Buffy sits on the hospital bed next to Joyce as the doctor talks. Joyce reacts to the news, turning her head away, then composes herself and turns back as she puts on a brave smile for Buffy.
Cut to a dark room where Riley and Sandy are alone. Sandy smiles up at Riley and runs her hands over his chest, pushing his jacket aside. Shot of Riley's face as Sandy kisses his neck. She pulls back and we see she's in vampire face. Riley looks a little apprehensive as he moves his head aside, exposing his neck. Sandy leans forward to bite him. Riley jerks in pain as Sandy bites him, then slowly he relaxes as she begins to drink. He closes his eyes and puts one hand on the back of her head. Suddenly he thrusts her away forcefully. Shot of Sandy staring at him, then she crumbles to dust. Shot of the stake in Riley's hand. Pan up to his face. We see blood running down his neck from the bite marks. He looks a little shaken.
Cut to the snake creature moving across grass, night. It slithers up to the carousel, sees the bench where Riley and Dawn sat earlier. It hisses, its tongue flickers and its eyes glow red for a moment. It moves off.
Cut to exterior shot of the Magic Box. A customer exits holding a bag. Buffy walks up to the door, pauses, and enters.
Cut to inside. Giles is yawning and putting on his suit jacket. Willow is at the counter reading a book, looking tired. Buffy walks in. Dawn sees her and jumps up from the table. We see Xander and Anya in the background as Dawn walks quickly over to Buffy. They hug.
DAWN: Is she awake yet?
BUFFY: Yeah. She's waiting for us. Dawn pulls back to look Buffy in the face.
DAWN: Can we take her home now? Buffy tries to smile, brushes hair back from Dawn's face.
BUFFY: We'll see. Go get your stuff. Willow and Giles watch with concern. Dawn turns away to gather her stuff.
BUFFY: (sighs, speaks quietly to Willow and Giles) So, any monster reptile sightings?
GILES: None.
WILLOW: Tara and I did a mini-patrol earlier, but biggie snake was nowhere to be- Suddenly the snake creature bursts in through the display window. Everyone turns as it slithers inside and rears up, looking at them. Dawn is in the forefront. The snake smacks a display case with one arm and it topples over onto Buffy, knocking her to the floor. The snake moves toward Dawn, who screams continuously as it looms over her. Its eyes glow red again. Dawn continues screaming as Buffy struggles to get out from under the case, and the snake stares at Dawn. Then it turns and slithers quickly back out the way it came in. Blackout.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act IV
[SCENE_BREAK]
Fade back in on the magic shop. Tara and Willow get up from behind the counter as Xander rushes over to Dawn.
XANDER: Dawn, you okay?
WILLOW: Why was the big snake afraid of Dawn? Giles rushes up to Buffy as she frees herself from under the case and stands up.
BUFFY: (whispers) It knows! She turns and runs out. Giles runs after her. Buffy runs out into the street and stops to stare. Overhead shot of the city street as the huge snake slithers down the middle of the street and people run out of its path. A car comes around the corner and screeches to a stop as the creature moves past it. People scream. Buffy starts to run after the creature. Giles comes out of the magic shop, sees her running, and moves off in another direction. Shot of the snake moving down an alley with Buffy running after it. Buffy turns as Giles' convertible comes around the corner and screeches to a stop beside her. She jumps in and Giles burns rubber after the creature. As they round a corner, the creature uses its tail to shove a dumpster out into the car's path. Giles swerves to avoid it and crashes into a pile of garbage bags. Giles struggles to shift into reverse.
BUFFY: I've gotta stop this monster before it gets back to Glory.
GILES: Glory?
BUFFY: That's what he called her. Giles, she's gonna know Dawn's the key if we don't-
GILES: We will. Giles backs the car out and they resume the chase.
Cut to: Exterior shot of Glory's apartment building.
DREG: (OS) Please! Please, mistress!
Cut to inside the apartment. Dreg is cowering as Glory throws shoeboxes at him.
DREG: Perturbed, yet ultimately merciful- Glory sweeps a pile of shoeboxes off the sofa in annoyance.
DREG: Please, don't-
GLORY: What is taking so long, Dreg? You told me snakey-wakey would find my key. Now why isn't he back here with a beautiful message for me?
DREG: I grovel like a bug, most silky and effervescent Glorificus- (She throws more shoeboxes at him) Glory! Glory. Your most fresh and cleanness, it's just a matter of time.
GLORY: (angrily) Ohh! Everything takes time! What about my time? Does anyone appreciate that I'm on a schedule here? (Dreg nods nervously) Tick, tock, Dreg! Tick frickin' tock!
Cut to the snake slithering down darkened streets with Giles' car in pursuit. They careen around a corner and nearly slam into another car. The snake tears down a section of fence that's covered with a tarp, and moves off past it as Giles' car passes the fence with a screech of tires. Giles reverses back into view, and Buffy leaps out of the car and runs through the broken fence, past picnic tables, across a wide expanse of grass. We see Buffy running across the grass after the snake; she seems to be tiring. The creature knocks over a sign reading "Bike path, closed after dusk." Buffy pauses to grab a piece of chain from another section of fence as the snake flees into a more wooded area. Buffy leaps up onto a large rock as the snake passes around it. She leaps off the rock and lands on the snake's back, looping the chain around its neck. The snake rears up and thrashes, trying to throw her off, but she holds on, tightening the chain around its neck and riding it like a wild horse. It bucks and fights but finally goes still as a gray film comes down over its eyes. Buffy frowns and lets go of the chain, which drops to the ground. Suddenly the gray film slides aside and the snake rears up again, throwing Buffy off. She flies backward and lands on her back in the grass. The snake turns to growl at her as she gets up. She punches it in the face, making it reel backward. She climbs on top of it and begins punching it in the face, over and over. We see the tip of its tail thrashing and finally lying still as the creature dies. Buffy continues to punch it, grunting with each blow. Long shot of Buffy crouching over the dead creature and still steadily punching it. Pan up across lawn and trees, and we see the apartment building looming up behind the trees.
Cut to a closer shot of the building with Glory in one of the windows, looking out. Zoom in on her as she frowns and looks from side to side, then lets the curtain drop back over the window as she moves away.
Cut to Joyce's hospital room. Buffy stands beside the bed.
BUFFY: You want me to stay?
JOYCE: No, I'm fine. I-I think I should ... talk to Dawn alone.
BUFFY: (nods) Okay.
JOYCE: Oh. Do I have bad hair? (puts hands to her head) I don't look like scary mom, do I?
BUFFY: (smiles) No. You look beautiful. (She brushes some hair back from Joyce's forehead. Joyce smiles bravely.)
JOYCE: Okay. Let's do this. (puts her hand on Buffy's arm) Stay close.
BUFFY: (puts her other hand over Joyce's) I will. Buffy turns and goes to the door, lets Dawn in. Dawn smiles nervously and walks over to hug Joyce. Buffy pauses in the doorway to watch them embrace.
RILEY: (OS) Buffy... Buffy leaves the door slightly open, turns to walk toward Riley. He's wearing a turtleneck sweater.
RILEY: You okay? You look pretty beat up.
BUFFY: (nods) Minimal damage of the fighting kind. It's all the other kind.
RILEY: Come here. He hugs her.
RILEY: It's okay. Just let it out. I'm right here.
BUFFY: I can't. (sniffles, pulls back) Not now. (glances toward the hospital room) They need me. If I start now ... I won't be able to stop. She bites her lip and we see tears in her eyes. Riley starts to lift his hand to her face.
JOYCE: (OS) Buffy? Buffy turns and walks back to the hospital room door, wiping her eyes. Riley watches her enter the room and close the door behind her. Long shot of Riley standing in the hallway, putting his hands in his pockets. Blackout.
Executive Producer: Joss Whedon. | Plan: A: Buffy; Q: Who worries about Joyce Summers's brain tumor? A: Dawn; Q: Who does Buffy worry about? A: her magic snake; Q: What does Glory have that Buffy must keep her sister safe from? Summary: Joyce Summers has a brain tumor, and Buffy worries about how Dawn will take it. In addition, Buffy must keep her sister safe from Glory and her magic snake. |
Scene: The cafeteria. Sheldon laughs to himself.
Sheldon: I wish you could all be inside my head. The conversation is sparkling. (Pause) Fine, I'll tell you. A lichen is an organism made up of two separate species, fungi and algae. If you could merge with another species, what species would you pick and why? Hint, there is a right answer. None of you will get it.
Raj: Okay, uh, I'd pick swan because, uh, the resulting hybrid would have the advanced industrial civilization of a human and the long graceful neck I've always dreamed of having.
Sheldon: Wrong. Leonard?
Leonard: Horse, but mostly just for the height. A little bit for the genital girth.
Sheldon: Wrong, and let's keep it clean, shall we?
Howard: Kangaroo, uh, I'd be a Kanga-Jew. The first of my people to dunk a basketball.
Leonard: Also instead of just living in your mother's house, you could actually live inside her body.
Sheldon: Clever, but also wrong. No, the best organism for human beings to merge with is the lichen itself. That way, you'd be human, fungus, and algae. Triple threat. Like three-bean salad.
Leonard: Give me one circumstance in which that would be useful.
Sheldon: All right, picture this, a beautiful outdoor concert. Now, as a human, I appreciate Beethoven. As a fungus, I have a terrific view, growing out of a towering maple tree. And no thank you, expensive concessions. Because as an algae, I'll just snack on this sunlight.
Raj: He got us again.
Leonard: No, he didn't.
Raj: Anyway, if it's okay with you, we should talk about Howard's bachelor party.
Sheldon: Well, seems like a bit of a let down after our lichen conversation, but, what do you know, you're half swan.
Raj: I've been doing some research on strippers. One agency I spoke to, said I could get us a great price if we're flexible on age range and number of limbs.
Howard: Sounds like loads of fun, but I promised Bernadette no strippers.
Raj: You don't want strippers? You're the king of strippers. The one club in North Hollywood named a pole after you.
Howard: What can I tell ya, I'm not into that stuff any more.
Leonard: Good for you, Howard. I'm proud of you. And still, you're the first one of us to get married. We have to do something special.
Sheldon: You know Germans have an interesting pre-wedding custom.
Howard: Well, it's probably not for me.
Raj: Maybe we can go up to Napa Valley. They've got that wine train.
Sheldon: Boo, wine! But yay, trains. I'm in.
Raj: Anyway, it's a beautiful time of year. Uh, you travel through the vineyards. There's a tasting on board. And all the wild flowers are in bloom. It's magic.
Leonard: Look at that, in 30 seconds, we went from hiring women to being them. Credits sequence.
Scene: The stairwell.
Penny: So, I hear you and the lost boys are having a bachelor party tonight.
Leonard: Yeah, just going to a restaurant, get some steaks and scotch. Nothing to worry about.
Penny: Why should I worry?
Leonard: Well, I don't know. It's a bachelor party. There could be strippers. Wouldn't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Oh, come on Leonard, it's you. What's going to happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye-contact and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework.
Leonard: Hey, I am a young man in his sexual prime. Under the right conditions, I-I-I am capable of just, really crazy stuff.
Penny: Really? What is the craziest thing you've ever done with a woman? And the time you and I had s*x in the ocean does not count.
Leonard: Oh, come on, that's got to count. There was a really strong undertow, we could have died.
Penny: Well, have fun tonight.
Leonard: Oh, I will. There is no telling what might happen.
Penny: Yeah, there is.
Leonard: You know, there's nothing wrong helping some woman's kid get through their S.A.T.'s.
Scene: A restaurant.
Leonard: Hey, I got to hand it to Raj, he found a really nice spot to have a bachelor party.
Sheldon: It's not bad. Unless you compare it to a train; then it stinks.
Leonard: Are you drinking whisky?
Sheldon: Indeed. If I'm to participate in the social convention that is the stag night, then I must embrace all its components, including tobacco, swear words, and yes, alcohol. Jeepers! That's yucky.
Leonard: Whoa, it's a little early to start dropping J-bombs, don't you think?
Wil Wheaton: Hey, you guys.
Leonard: Oh, hey, Wil. Nice of you to make it out tonight for Howard.
Wil: Well, it was either this or another hot tub party at George Takei's house.
Sheldon: I'm confused. I thought since our reconciliation, I was your friend in this group.
Wil: Oh, I'm friends with Howard too.
Sheldon: Oh. I guess you're just friends with anybody. (Drinks) Aagh!
Stuart: Hey, uh, Leonard, things are a little tight at the comic book store. I might need some help covering my share of the check.
Leonard: Oh, yeah, no worries.
Stuart: And maybe a few bucks for the valet.
Leonard: Oh, all right.
Stuart: And gas money to get home.
Leonard: Yeah, sure.
Stuart: Great. You know what? This is my grandfather's watch.
Leonard: Oh.
Stuart: 18-carat gold, got it in Europe during the war.
Leonard: Wow, that's very nice.
Stuart: Mm-hmm. A hundred bucks and it's yours.
Raj: Hey, everybody! The bachelor boy has arrived! For he's a jolly good fellow...
All (joining in): For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, which nobody can deny.
Kripke: Yes, yes, yes. He's a jowwy good fewwow. What time do the stwippers awwive?
Howard: Actually, Barry, we're not going to have strippers tonight.
Kripke: Ah, then what the fwig did I get two hundwed dowwaws in singles out for?
Stuart: You want to buy a watch?
Scene: Penny's apartment.
Amy (into a mini-cam): This is Maid of Honour Amy Farrah Fowler, bringing you the wedding activities just weeks out from the big day. Let's check in with a beautiful, radiant young woman, and her friend who's about to get married. Ladies, can you tell us what you're doing?
Bernadette: Um, these are gift bags we're going to put in the hotel rooms of our out-of-town guests. This is a map of Pasadena. This is a list of local restaurants. And then, for Howie's relatives, we have antihistamines, antacids, and medicine for diarrhoea and constipation.
Penny: Yeah, we labeled them stop and go.
Amy: All right, pivoting to the big question. Bernadette, on your wedding night you'll be consummating your marriage. What do you think your first sexual position will be as husband and wife?
Bernadette: Amy, please.
Amy: Keeping in mind that whoever's on top may set the tone for the marriage.
Penny: Okay, show's over.
Amy: Hey, they may conceive a child on their wedding night. Don't you think the kid might get a kick out of knowing how it happened?
Penny: I don't care. Ask her things like are you going to take Howard's name? Not who's going to sit on who?
Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate: Bernadette Mary-Ann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get BernadetteMaryAnnRostenkowskiWolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took care of it. Plus, he set up our beautiful wedding website with cute little facts about our family histories. Do you know, for a while in Poland, my family and his family were neighbours.
Penny: Oh, that's cool.
Amy: No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.
Scene: The restaurant.
Raj: May I have your attention, please? We are hear tonight to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of my best friend Howard Wolowitz.
All: Hear! Hear!
Sheldon: And, apparently, Wil Wheaton's best friend.
Wil: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Talk to the hand.
Raj: Does anyone have any words they'd like to say about our man of the evening?
Sheldon: Yeah, I do. (All groan). As is the tradition, I have prepared a series of disrespectful jokes which generate humour at Howard's expense. Prepare to have your ribs tickled. Howard, I always thought you'd be the last one of us to ever get married, because you are so short and unappealing. Am I right? Let's see here. Oh, seriously though, Howard, you're actually one of the most intelligent people I know. And that's a zinger, because you're not. I've always thought that you'd make someone a fine husband someday. Assuming you'd be able to get the parts, and develop the engineering skills to assemble them, which I don't see as likely. Hacha! Okay, let me see here. Okay, kidding aside, Howard, you are a good friend. And I wish you nothing but happiness. Bazinga, I don't!
Leonard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Doubleazinga! I do! Good luck following that.
Leonard: So, Howard Wolowitz tying the knot. Leaving his crazy bachelor days behind. He was a wild one. Well, I guess we all kind of were. I remember this one time, I was with this girl at the beach. We were in the ocean and we started making out. I know, it was crazy. I wasn't even wearing my Aquasocks. Then...
Kripke: Nobody cares, Hofstadter. Wwap it up.
Leonard: Right. To Howard.
All: To Howard.
Leonard: I totally had s*x in the ocean.
Stuart: Okay, I'll go. Howard, when I think about you and Bernadette starting this wonderful life together, I can't help but get a little choked up. I mean, look at you. You have everything. Look at me. I'm 37. I sleep in the back of a comic book store, and I have the bone density of an 80-year-old man. To Howard.
Raj: Yeah, to Howard. Um, uh, who's next?
Kripke: I'll go. Howard, I'm gonna say something to you that evewybody's thinking but no one has the couwage to say out woud. When you invite a man to a bachewor pawty, the impwication is, there will be stwippews. Maybe not compwetewy nude, but at weast pasties and G-stwings. That's not unweasonable.
Raj: Hear, hear.
All: Hear, hear.
Raj: Okay, uh, anybody else? Huh? No? Okay, it all comes down to me, the best man. Ooh! This grasshopper is kicking my ass-hopper. Okay, when I first came to this country, I-I didn't know how to behave or how to dress, or what was cool, I was pretty lonely. But then I met Howard, and suddenly, my life changed, because we could be lonely together. This man became my whole world.
Kripke: Yeah, nice speech, Fwancine. (Tucks a dollar in Raj's pants.)
Raj: I'm not done, but thank you. (Raj puts the dollar on the table. Stuart steals it.) I think back to all the good times we had, like, uh, when we went camping and spent that night telling each other all our secrets. I told him I'm addicted to pedicures and he told me he lost his virginity to his cousin.
Howard: She was my second cousin.
Sheldon: And the first woman you ever disappointed sexually. Ba-da-bazinga!
Raj: Oh, oh, yeah, and then there was the time when Leonard and I took Howard to Las Vegas and paid a hooker to pretend she was Jewish and that she wanted his little kosher pickle. Of all the Howard humping hookers stories, that one's my favourite!
Howard: Okay, buddy, that's it. Sit down.
Raj: Oh, oh, what about that tubby girl in the Sailor Moon costume at Comic-con?
Howard: Don't remember. Please sit down.
Raj: The only threesome I've ever had in my life, and I'm proud to say it was with this man right here.
Howard: Oh, please shut up.
Raj: Oh, oh, don't get me wrong, nothing happened with me and Howard. There was about 200 pounds of Sailor Moon between us.
Wil (filming on his phone): Oh, Internet, this is so going all over you.
Sheldon: Jeepers, I'm drunk.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene: Bernadette's car.
Howard: Thank you for picking us up. There's a warning, right there, on the scotch bottle. You cannot be operatin' heavy machinery after you had a snootful of this, laddie!
Bernadette: Funny. You boys have a nice time?
Howard: Yeah, it was great. And low-key, like I promised. No hanky-panky, no strippers. Just the guys telling jokes.
Bernadette: That's nice.
Howard: How about you? Did you have a fun night? Yeah, we, uh, made gift bags, had wine, and then went online and saw this.
Raj's Voice: Of all the Howard humping hookers stories, that one's my favourite.
Raj: You know, we're not that far from my apartment. If you stop the car, I can walk from here.
Bernadette: You ain't goin' anywhere, Threeway.
Howard: Bernadette, listen...
Bernadette: You lied to me. You said you told me about all the girls you've been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj!
Raj: Seriously, you don't even have to stop the car. Anything under ten miles an hour and I can combat-roll into the street.
Howard: Okay, just to set the record straight, I didn't hire the prostitute, she was a gift from him. Shame on you, Raj. That is not how we treat women in this country.
Bernadette: Don't you try and blame this on him.
Raj: Thank you, Bernadette.
Bernadette: Zip it, pervert!
Scene: Bernadette's apartment.
Bernadette: I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm supposed to marry Howard in a couple of weeks and I'm not sure I even know who the man is any more.
Amy: I'm curious what's bothering you most, the borderline incest, the prostitute or group s*x with the girl dressed as the children's cartoon?
Penny: Amy, remember when we went over things that would be helpful and things that wouldn't?
Amy: Right. And that was...
Penny: Not.
Bernadette: When I first met Howard, he seemed so innocent to me, just a sweet little guy who lives with his mother.
Penny: Well, if that's what you like, I'll take you to the comic book store, the place is full of 'em.
Bernadette: Wait a minute. You set me up with Howard. Did you know about all the creepy stuff he was into?
Penny: Well, a little. You hear stuff.
Bernadette: Why didn't you tell me
Penny: Well, I was gonna, but I didn't think it would go past the first date. Then, when it did, I thought for sure it wouldn't go past you meeting his mother. Definitely not past the two of you sleeping together. I mean, the warning signs were there, this is really on you.
Bernadette: My God! I thought you were my friend. (Runs to bedroom)
Amy: I don't think that was helpful.
Scene: The apartment. Howard is on the phone.
Howard: Hi, Bernie, it's me again. Please call me back.
Raj: Dude, I am so sorry.
Howard: It's not your fault, it's mine. I did all that stuff, not you.
Leonard: Actually, you did do one of them together.
Sheldon: Here.
Howard: What is this?
Sheldon: You're upset. The convention is to bring an upset person a hot beverage.
Howard: No, but what is it?
Sheldon: Chicken broth. It seemed culturally appropriate. Also, there was a single cube of chicken bouillon in the cupboard when I moved in and it's been bothering me for the last eight years. So, as they say, two birds.
Howard: I don't know what my next move is.
Leonard: Well, Howard, I don't know much about women.
Howard: Yeah?
Leonard: No, uh, that, that's it. I don't know much about women. Raj, you got anything?
Raj: I've got the phone number of the tubby girl from Comic-Con.
Howard: I'm not calling the girl from Comic-con.
Raj: All right. More Sailor Moon for me.
Sheldon: I just threw up the bachelor party.
Scene: Bernadette's apartment.
Penny: Please come out, Bernadette. Let's talk through this.
Bernadette: No, leave me alone.
Amy: Perhaps you should give him a taste of his own medicine. Do you have a cousin who you find attractive?
Penny: Amy.
Amy: Hey, you introduced him to the sleazebag. I'm just trying to clean up your mess.
Howard (at the door): Oh, hi.
Penny: Hey.
Howard: I need to talk to Bernadette.
Penny: Well, I don't think she wants to talk to anyone right now.
Howard: All right, well, could you at least give her a message?
Penny: Yeah, sure, I guess.
Howard: Tell her I'm really sorry, and if she doesn't want to marry me, I get it. But what I really want her to know is the guy that she's disgusted by, is the guy that I'm disgusted by, too. But that guy doesn't exist any more, he's gone, and the reason is because of her. So, if this relationship is over, let her know that she made me a better man, and tell her thank you.
Penny: Oh, my God, Howard. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. And it came out of you.
Bernadette: Howie?
Howard: Penny has a message for you.
Bernadette: I heard. Your voice, not unlike your mother's, travels through walls.
Howard: Do you want me to go?
Bernadette: No. Come here. I'm still really mad at you.
Howard: I get that.
Bernadette: Is there anything else about your past I should know?
Howard: Couple things, but, you know, most of them happened overseas. I'll tell you later.
Bernadette: Okay.
Howard: So, is the wedding still on?
Bernadette: Yeah, the wedding's still on. (They hug)
Amy: Oh, thank God. I'm still a maid of honour. (Joins in the hug)
Penny: Oh, what the hell. (Joins in too)
Amy: This is kind of hot.
Scene: The laundry room. Leonard enters in his dressing gown.
Leonard: Hello.
Penny: What's with the robe?
Leonard (taking it off): I'm gonna have s*x with you right here, right now, on that washing machine.
Penny: No, you're not.
Leonard: Come on, please.
Penny: If you want to do something, you can help me fold this sheet.
Leonard: Folding a sheet in my underwear, still pretty crazy. | Plan: A: The guys; Q: Who is planning Howard's bachelor party? A: no strippers; Q: What does Howard tell the guys to not hire for his bachelor party? A: Bernadette; Q: Who is upset that Howard's past is being revealed? A: Wil Wheaton; Q: Who recorded Raj's speech and uploaded it to youtube? A: a toast; Q: What do the guests offer at Howard's bachelor party? A: Raj; Q: Who is drunk at Howard's bachelor party? A: his friendship; Q: What does Raj talk about with Howard? A: various and sundry things; Q: What does Raj reveal about Howard? A: Raj's entire speech; Q: What does Wheaton record and upload to youtube? A: YouTube; Q: Where does Wheaton upload Raj's speech? A: her bedroom; Q: Where does Bernadette confine herself to after seeing the video? A: Howard's calls; Q: What does Bernadette not return after seeing the video? A: Howard gives Penny; Q: Who gives Bernadette a message to pass on to her? A: the genuineness; Q: What about Howard's apology moved Penny to tears? A: the wedding; Q: What does Bernadette say will still happen despite Howard's apology? A: place; Q: What does Bernadette promise that the wedding will still take? A: sex; Q: What does Leonard want to have with Penny in the laundry room? Summary: The guys are planning Howard's bachelor party. Howard tells them that no strippers should be hired for the party, as he had promised Bernadette. Stuart, Kripke and Wil Wheaton are also invited. At the party, everyone offers a toast. A drunk Raj talks about his friendship with Howard revealing various and sundry things about Howard. Wheaton records Raj's entire speech and uploads it onto YouTube. When Bernadette, who doesn't know anything about Howard's perverted and womanizing past, sees the video, she becomes extremely upset and becomes unsure about marrying a man that she doesn't seem to know. She even becomes upset at Penny because she was the one who introduced her to Howard, despite knowing about Howard's past. She confines herself to her bedroom, not returning Howard's calls. Howard gives Penny a message to pass on to Bernadette saying that he is sorry, that he is as disgusted by his past as she is and credits her for reforming him, which reduces Penny to tears, moved by the genuineness of his apology. When Bernadette hears this, she immediately forgives him, though she is still mad at him, and adds that the wedding will still take place. The episode ends with Leonard wanting to have sex with Penny in the laundry room, which she refuses. |
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
A forlorn swing creaks with the wind. We then close in on one of the many identical flats. We see hoodies in the stairway. An older woman is pulling her wheeled bag through the entry to the lift and goes up.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE is sitting nervously at the end of his bed. His room has a large number of toys scattered around the floor and table.
MUM: Bed!
GEORGE: But Mum...
MUM: George, I won't tell you again. Get into bed. I'm going to be late for work. It's just the lift, love. How many more times?
GEORGE: Don't like it.
MUM walks from the door to the cupboard.
MUM: Well, what do we do with the things we don't like?
MUM and GEORGE: Put them in the cupboard.
GEORGE: The thing! You have to do the thing, Mum.
MUM walks back to the doorway and flips the light switch on and off four times.
GEORGE: Five times. It has to be five times.
MUM does it one more time.
GEORGE: (closes eyes) Please save me from the monsters. Please save me from the monsters.
We then seem to be travelling through space.
GEORGE: Please save me from the monsters. (opens eyes)
MUM: All right now? (walks over) Come on, George. There's nothing to be scared of. (rubs his back as he gets under the covers) Ni-night then, love. (kisses him goodnight and leaves)
GEORGE can see out into the parlor where his DAD is sitting on a chair and MUM talks with him.
DAD: How was he?
MUM: He's in bed at least.
GEORGE shines his torch around the room, everything normal in daylight now casting eerie shadows
DAD: I'm worried about him. Why's he terrified all the time?
MUM: He needs help.
DAD: He's got us.
MUM: He needs a doctor.
SPACE
We hurtle through space as GEORGE chants.
GEORGE: Please save me from the monsters. Please save me from the monsters. Please save me from the monsters.
There is the TARDIS.
INT. TARDIS
The DOCTOR spins around and reaches into his inside jacket pocket like it's on fire. He pulls out the psychic paper.
DOCTOR: (reads) Please save me from the monsters. (puts the psychic paper back in his pocket and starts working controls on the console) Haven't done this in a while!
AMY: Done what? What're you doing?
DOCTOR: Making a house call.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Matt Smith Karen Gillan Arthur Darvil
"Night Terrors" by Mark Gatiss
Producer Sanne Wohlenberg
Director Richard Clark
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
The TARDIS materializes and RORY is the first to step out followed by AMY. He is less than impressed by the location.
RORY: No offence, Doctor...
DOCTOR: (opens TARDIS door) Meaning the opposite.
RORY: ..but we could get a bus somewhere like this.
DOCTOR: The exact opposite. (closes TARDIS door)
AMY: Well, I suppose it can't all be planets and history and stuff, Rory.
DOCTOR: Yes, it can! Course it can! Planets and history and stuff. That's what we do! But not today. No. (starts scanning with the sonic as they enter the courtyard) Today, we're answering a cry for help from the scariest place in the universe - a child's bedroom.
The OLD WOMAN walks down the hall, her wheeled bag squeaking.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE pulls his blankets close as he hears the squeaking outside and sees her shadow pass slowly across the window.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
The OLD WOMAN continues on her way. The DOCTOR, AMY and RORY cross the yard and wait for the lift. The DOCTOR is looking at the psychic paper.
RORY: Please save me from the monsters. Who sent that?
The DOCTOR closes the wallet and slaps RORY on the head with it.
DOCTOR: That's what we're here to find out. (puts wallet away)
AMY: Sounds like something a kid would say.
DOCTOR: Exactly. A scared kid. A very scared kid. So scared that somehow its cry for help got through to us. In the TARDIS.
AMY: Yeah, but you've traced it here?
DOCTOR: Exactly. (lift arrives) Ah! Going up. (steps inside the lift)
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
DAD is sitting in his chair looking at photos of GEORGE. The TV is on in the background.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE shines his torch around the room and breathes nervously.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
The DOCTOR is looking around at all the flats with their identical exteriors. AMY and RORY are also looking at different flats. The DOCTOR knocks on the door.
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
The door opens to show AMY. Inside is a little girl.
AMY: Hi!
A door opens to reveal the OLD WOMAN.
DOCTOR: Hello!
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
At yet another flat, a MAN opens the door and looks at RORY.
AMY: Are your mummy and daddy in, or is it just you?
The girl opens the door wider to reveal an identical twin sister.
AMY: OK.
OLD WOMAN: Is it about the bins?
DOCTOR: Pardon?
RORY: Community support. Just checking up on community-based... things.
The girls' MOTHER opens the door wider.
MOTHER: Can I help you?
AMY: Hi. Yeah, no. Sorry. I was just wondering if you've had any bother around here?
RORY: Is everything OK?
OLD WOMAN: The bins. I can't be expected to get down all them stairs. I need new knees.
MOTHER: Bother? What do you mean?
AMY: Well, I mean...
RORY: Are your neighbours nice? Do you get on well?
MOTHER: He didn't send you, did he?
AMY: Who?
MAN: Jim Purcell. Course we get on well. I'm their landlord. They love me, don't they?
RORY: You're the landlord?!
DOCTOR: Not the bins, no, Miss?
OLD WOMAN: Mrs Rossiter.
PURCELL: Thought you'd know that, being from community support.
RORY: Yeah. Yes! Yes, of course. Sorry.
MRS ROSSITER: I've already got a new hip. I'll be able to manage when I get the knees. Up and down them stairs like Sherpa Tensing then.
DOCTOR: Can I come in?
PURCELL'S dog barks and lunges at RORY, pulling at his lead.
MRS ROSSITER: Course not! You could be anyone!
DOCTOR: Could be, but I'm not.
RORY: Or maybe it's best I could come back another time.
DOCTOR: I'm the Doctor.
MRS ROSSITER slams the door on him, PURCELL does the same to RORY, and the MOTHER, on AMY.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE is still wide awake, holding his torch. He hears laughter outside so he stands on his bed and looks out the window.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
AMY and RORY pass GEORGE'S window.
AMY: We've got to find that kid.
RORY: (teasing) Maybe we should let the monsters gobble him up!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE closes the curtains and waits for them to pass before looking out again.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
The DOCTOR is on the level above AMY and RORY and sees them walk by. He then sees GEORGE peering out. The DOCTOR then meets AMY and RORY by the lift.
AMY: Hey! Any luck?
DOCTOR: Three old ladies, a traffic warden from Croatia and a man with ten cats.
RORY: What are we actually looking for?
DOCTOR: Ten cats! Scared kid, remember?
AMY: I found scary kids. Does that count?
DOCTOR: Hm. Try the next floor down. Catch you later. (taps AMY on the shoulder and continues on)
AMY: OK.
RORY: (presses the call button for the lift) Maybe it was, you know... junk mail. (leans on the wall, arms crossed)
AMY: What?
RORY: The message on the psychic paper. Maybe it was just nothing.
The lift arrives and they get in. AMY presses the button for the floor below.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The torch casts a shadow that resembles a clawed hand on the far wall. He is terrified.
INT. COUNCIL ESTATE, LIFT, NIGHT
AMY presses the button again and the door slides closed quickly and the lift plummets. AMY and RORY scream, pressed against the sides. When the door opens, the lift is empty.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
The DOCTOR knocks on the front door and DAD opens it. The DOCTOR holds up the psychic paper.
DAD: Oh. Right. That was quick.
DOCTOR: Was it?
DAD: Claire said she'd phoned someone. Social Services.
DOCTOR: Yes. (looks at the psychic paper) Yes!
DAD: It's not, easy, you know... admitting your kid's got a problem.
DOCTOR: You've got a problem. I've got a problem. I bet they're connected, I'm the Doctor. (puts the psychic paper away) Call me Doctor. What can I call you?
DAD: Alex.
DOCTOR: Hello, Alex. (shakes his hand and steps inside)
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
DOCTOR: So... tell me about George.
The DOCTOR looks at the door that has a drawn sign that says "George's Room". ALEX shuts the door.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE sees more spooky shadows.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
MRS ROSSITER drags her garbage bag down to the bins. They are overflowing with bags piled up all around.
MRS ROSSITER: What a bloomin' mess. I'm the only one who gives a monkeys round here any more. (puts her bag on the pile) Shocking! (starts walking away) Talking to yourself now, Elsie. (taps her head) They say it's the first sign. (hears something behind the bags) Ooh, Lord! Come out of there! (walks towards the bags) Don't be so ruddy horrible. Trying to scare an old lady to death. It's not right. Is that you, George? I'll tell your mum and dad.(leans over) Come on, you little devil. Let's see your face. (gets pulled into the pile of bags, screaming)
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
The DOCTOR and ALEX are sitting on the sofa. The DOCTOR is looking through a photo album
ALEX: Ever since he was born he's been a funny kid.
DOCTOR: Funny's good! We like funny, don't we?
ALEX: He never cries. Bottles it all up, I suppose. Tell him off, he just looks at you.
DOCTOR: How old is he?
We see the photo album is GEORGE'S baby pictures.
ALEX: He was eight in January. He should be growing out of stuff like this, shouldn't he?
DOCTOR: Maybe. (closes album and puts it down) It's got worse, though lately?
ALEX: Yeah. We talked about getting help. You know, maybe sending him somewhere. He started getting these nervous tics, you know, funny little cough. Blinking all the time. But now it's got completely out of hand. (stands) I mean he's scared to death of everything.
DOCTOR: Pantaphobia.
ALEX: What?!
DOCTOR: That's what it's called. Pantaphobia. Not a fear of pants though, if that's what you're thinking. It's a fear of everything, including pants, I suppose, in that case. Sorry. Go on.
ALEX: He hates clowns.
DOCTOR: Understandable.
ALEX: Old toys. He thinks the old lady across the way is a witch. He hates having a bath in case there's something under the water. The lift sounds like someone breathing! (sighs) Look, I don't know. (sits) I'm not an expert. Maybe you can get through to him.
DOCTOR: I'll do my best.
INT. ROOM, ??
RORY wakes up in a dim room, the only light coming through the bare windows. He looks around.
RORY: Amy? Amy? Are you here?
AMY: Yeah. Here. No, here! It's me. (crawls towards him)
RORY: You OK? (switches on a small torch)
AMY: (squints at the sudden light) Yeah, I think so.
RORY: (looks around) What happened to the lift? We were in a lift, weren't we?
AMY: Yeah, yeah. We.. I remember getting in and then...(RORY groans) What?
RORY: We're dead, aren't we?
AMY: Eh?
RORY: The lift fell and we're dead.
AMY: Shut up.
RORY: We're dead... again!
AMY: Oh, shut up! Let's just find out where we are.
AMY stands and pulls RORY up with her. They begin to explore their surroundings and walk out the open door.
INT. HALL, ??
RORY: You know it's obvious what's happened.
AMY: Yeah? Really? Because it's not obvious to me.
RORY: The TARDIS has gone funny again. Some time... slippy... thing. You know, the Doctor's back there in EastEnders-land and we're stuck here in the past. This is probably 1700 and something.
AMY: Yay! My favourite year!
Unseen behind them, a shadowy figure crosses the hallway.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE sees more spooky shadows and sees his robe hanging on the back of the door move. He sits up in such a rush, he knocks his lamp to the floor. ALEX rushes in.
ALEX: George? You OK? What's the matter? (sees the lamp and kneels to pick it up) Oh. Never mind. Were you having a nightmare, son?
GEORGE: Wasn't a nightmare. I wasn't asleep.
The DOCTOR walks in, crosses his arms and leans against the jamb.
GEORGE: Who are you?
DOCTOR: I'm The Doctor.
GEORGE: (scared) A doctor? Have you come to take me away?
DOCTOR: No, George, I just want to talk to you.
GEORGE: What about?
DOCTOR: (walks into the room) About the monsters.
INT. KITCHEN, ??
RORY and AMY enter the room. There are shelves reaching to the ceiling on one wall, another has two large cooking fireplaces and yet another has c long counter with a sink. In the middle is a long table with a copper pan and loaf of bread resting on it. Amy knocks against some utensils that clatter loudly in the quiet room.
AMY: Bit neglected, wherever it is.
RORY: Let's find the front door, at least. Then we can work out where we are. When we are.
AMY picks up the pan from the table and knocks the bottom of it. It doesn't sound right.
AMY: Rory.
RORY: Hm?
AMY: Look at this.
RORY: What? It's a copper pan.
AMY: No, it's not. (knocks) It's wood. It's made of wood and just painted to look like copper.
RORY: That is stupid. (knocks)
RORY shines his torch around and AMY spots a lamp with a candle.
AMY: Wait. Hang on. (examines it) There's a switch. (turns it on and the fake candle lights)
RORY: Wow! Well, not 1700 and something then.
They start opening drawers in the counter. AMY struggles with a drawer and finally opens it to see a giant eye. They both scream. AMY slowly reaches out a hand to touch it.
AMY: It's glass! It's a glass eye.
AMY taps the eye. RORY'S torch flickers on and off five times-just like GEORGE'S quirk of his bedroom light.
AMY: Stop doing that.
RORY: It's not me. (flickering stops) Come on.
AMY: Yep. (picks up lamp) Hang on. (picks up pan)
They leave through the door opposite the one they came in.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR is sitting on the foot of GEORGE'S bed playing with a Rubik's cube. GEORGE is sitting up against the headboard while ALEX paces.
ALEX: Maybe it was things on the telly, you know?
DOCTOR: Right.
ALEX: Scary stuff, getting under his skin, frightening him.
DOCTOR: Hm-hm.
ALEX: So we stopped letting him watch.
DOCTOR: Oh, you don't want to do that. (gives GEORGE a small smile)
ALEX: Then Claire thought it might have been something he was reading.
DOCTOR: Great! Reading's great. You like stories, George? (GEORGE nods) Yeah? Me, too. When I was your age, about, ooh... a thousand years ago, I loved a good bedtime story. The Three Little Sontarans. The Emperor Dalek's New Clothes. Snow White And The Seven Keys To Doomsday, eh? All the classics. Rubbish. (throws the cube over his shoulder) Must be broken. I hate those things. (ALEX moves to pick it up) Better tidy it away, though, eh? (stands and takes the cube from ALEX) How about in here? (GEORGE gasps) No? Not in the cupboard? Why not in there, George?
ALEX: It's a... thing. A thing we got him doing ages back. Anything that frightens him, we put it in the cupboard. Creepy toys, scary pictures, that sort of thing.
DOCTOR: And is that where the monsters go? Yeah. (walks slowly towards the cupboard) There's nothing to be scared of, George. It's just a cupboard.
As the DOCTOR is about to turn the latch, there's a loud knocking that startles them.
ALEX: Front door. (goes to answer the door)
INT. HALL, ??
RORY and AMY creep down a different hallway.
RORY: Let's try down here.
After they continue on, another figures stands in the hall behind them, watching.
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
ALEX opens the front door.
PURCELL: Evening. (walks in with his dog)
ALEX: Oh, hi.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR and GEORGE watch and listen to the conversation.
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
PURCELL: How's Claire?
ALEX: Good, thanks. At work. Look, this really isn't a good time. Maybe later...
PURCELL: And the kiddie?
ALEX: Good.
PURCELL: Yeah. You know how I hate to mention it, but it's that time again.
ALEX: Yes.
PURCELL: And you know I like my money prompt.
ALEX: The thing is, I still haven't found anywhere since the shop shut and Claire's wage only goes so far. I thought we could, you know, come to some sort of arrangement.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR tries to take GEORGE'S mind off the adult conversation. He takes out the sonic and activates it.
GEORGE: Is that a torch?
DOCTOR: Screwdriver! (sits back on the bed) A sonic one. And other stuff.
GEORGE: Please may I see the other stuff?
DOCTOR: You may.
The DOCTOR uses the sonic, activating the battery-powered toys.
DOCTOR: Ah, pretty cool, eh?
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
PURCELL: Isn't he awful, eh? Don't growl at the nice man, Bernard. He don't mean to upset daddy, do you?
ALEX: No.
PURCELL: Look, son, I know what you're thinking. Here comes 'orrible Purcell after his rent. Dog on a chain. Wasn't expecting that, was you? I'm not as daft as I look. In fact, I'm not daft at all.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR and GEORGE are on the bed. GEORGE is watching the toys with fascination.
DOCTOR: That's better. No tears from George. That's what I've heard. Go on, give us a smile. There's a brave little soldier. Bit rusty at this. Anyway, let's open this cupboard, eh? (stands and scans the cupboard) There's nothing to be... (sonic increases in pitch) Off the scale. (sits) Off the scale! How...?
GEORGE sees ALEX and PURCELL through the partially-open door.
PURCELL: All I want is my £350. Simple as that.
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
PURCELL: Ni-night. Come on, son. Come on. (leaves)
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR puts a hand on GEORGE'S shoulder as he stares at the cupboard. ALEX enters.
ALEX: Right. Sorry about that. So, have we got this thing open yet? (reaches for the latch)
DOCTOR: (gets up) No! No! No, no, no! You don't want to do that!
ALEX: Why?
DOCTOR: Because George's monsters are real.
INT. FRONT HALL, ??
AMY and RORY have found the front hall. There are discarded items scattered on the floor. While AMY goes to around, RORY heads for the front door.
RORY: Oh, at last. (groans)
AMY: What is it?
RORY: No doorknob! Wooden pans, A massive glass eyes and now no doorknob!
AMY: And this clock.
RORY: What?
AMY: Look - the hands, they're painted on.
They turn at the sound of a child's laugh. RORY puts a finger to his lips and they walk towards another door.
INT. FLAT, KITCHEN, NIGHT
The DOCTOR is searching the cabinets.
ALEX: You're supposed to be a professional! I'll never get him to sleep now!
The DOCTOR finds the teacups.
ALEX: It's so... irresponsible.
DOCTOR: No, Alex. Responsible. Very. Cupboard bad. Cupboard not bare. Stay away from cupboard. And there's something else. Something I've missed. Something staring me in the face.
ALEX: Look, I'd like you to leave, please. You're just making things worse. Will you stop making tea! (takes the cups away) I want you to leave!
DOCTOR: (takes the cups back) No. (opens the fridge)
ALEX: What? What do you mean 'no'? (closes fridge) Leave! Get out!
The DOCTOR opens the fridge again.
ALEX: (closes fridge) Now, please! Look, maybe this was a bad idea. We should sort out George ourselves.
DOCTOR: You can't. (opens fridge and takes out milk and pours it into the cups)
ALEX: No-one's going to tell us how to run our lives. I don't care who you are or what wheels have been set in motion. We'll sort it!
DOCTOR: I'm not just a professional. I'm The Doctor.
ALEX: What's that supposed to mean?
DOCTOR: It means I've come a long way to get here, Alex. A very long way. George sent a message. A distress call, if you like. Whatever's inside that cupboard is so terrible, so powerful that it amplified the fears of an ordinary little boy across all the barriers of Time and Space.
ALEX: Eh?!
DOCTOR: Through crimson stars and silent stars and tumbling nebulas like oceans set on fire. Through empires of glass and civilizations of pure thought and a whole, terrible, wonderful universe of impossibilities. You see these eyes? They're old eyes. And one thing I can tell you, Alex... monsters are real.
ALEX: You're not from Social Services, are you?
DOCTOR: First things first. You got any Jammie Dodgers?
INT. HALL, ??
MRS ROSSITER is walking the dark hallway.
MRS ROSSITER: Please... I don't like being on me own. If there's anyone there... please... help me!
A shadowy figure crosses the hall behind her.
INT. MAIN STAIR, ??
AMY and RORY enter the hall with the checkerboard floor and the large main staircase. They hear laughter.
AMY: You hear that?
RORY: Yeah.
AMY starts forward, but RORY holds her back.
RORY: Wait!
The laughter sounds louder.
AMY: They're getting closer!
RORY: They?!
They slowly cross the room to the door on the other side. AMY readies her wooden pan. RORY slowly reaches for the doorknob and opens it quickly. They both jump back with a scream. Standing there is a life-size doll with a large head, the paint chipping off.
AMY: It's just.. It's a dummy. Oh, it's a dummy.
RORY: This is... weird.
AMY: Says the time-travelling nurse.
RORY reaches forward and taps the head and gets a hollow sound.
AMY: Let's just... leave that for now. Come on.
As they turn away and continue exploring, the dummy turns its head.
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
The DOCTOR is looking at more photos, this time of CLAIRE and ALEX.
DOCTOR: What is it with these photos? (puts the album down) Anyway! Good. Nice tea. Nothing like a cuppa, but decision. (puts cup down) Should we open the cupboard?
ALEX: (spits out tea) What?!
DOCTOR: Should we?
ALEX: Well...
DOCTOR: Got to open the cupboard, haven't we? Course we have! Come on, Alex! Alex! Come on! How else will we ever find out what's going on here?
ALEX: (stands) Right. But you said...
DOCTOR: Monsters! Yeah, well, that's what I do! Breakfast, dinner and tea. Fight the monsters. So this... this is just an average day at the office.
ALEX: OK. Yeah. You're right.
DOCTOR: Or maybe we shouldn't open the cupboard! We have no idea what might be in there! How powerful, how evil it might be!
ALEX: We don't?!
DOCTOR: Come on, Alex! Alex! Come on! Are you crazy? We can't open the cupboard!
ALEX: God, no. No, we mustn't!
DOCTOR: (puts his hands on either side of ALEX'S head) Right. That settles it.
ALEX: Settles what?
The DOCTOR removes his hands from ALEX'S head, grabs his cup and drains his tea.
DOCTOR: Going to open the cupboard. (leaves)
INT. PURCELL'S FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
PURCELL is sitting in a chair, feet up, wine at his side. He uses the remote to flip through the channels. Bernard is lying on the floor.
PURCELL: There's nothing on. Never anything on, is there, Bernard? Bergerac. God help us. 30 years old, that! Where's the boxing? Meant to be boxing on. Looks like we are going to have to watch that film again. (gets up and as he walks towards the TV, his feet sink into the floor) What the...?! Hold on a minute. (he steps forward with is other foot and that is caught as well) This is not... (body begins to sink) No! Help me, Bernard. Help!
PURCELL is swallowed up and the floor ripples like water. Bernard is alone.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The DOCTOR and ALEX are standing facing the cupboard. The DOCTOR stretches his arms and cracks his neck. The DOCTOR slowly walks forward as GEORGE watches from behind ALEX. The DOCTOR then rushes forward to lean against the furniture, startling ALEX and GEORGE. He turns the latch, reaches for the handle and yanks the cupboard open. Inside are some clothes and old toys, including a dollhouse. The DOCTOR turns around.
DOCTOR: I don't understand it. It has to be the cupboard. The readings from the sonic screwdriver, they were... (rushes from the room)
INT. FLAT, PARLOR, NIGHT
The DOCTOR hurries into the parlor and grabs the photo album before heading back to GEORGE'S room.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
DOCTOR: How old is George, Alex?
ALEX: What? How old?
DOCTOR: Yes. How old is George?
ALEX: Well, I told you. Just turned eight.
DOCTOR: So you remember when he was born then?
ALEX: Of course!
DOCTOR: 'Course you do! How could you not? You and Claire. Christmas Eve. 2002, right? (shows photo)
ALEX: What? Er... yeah.
DOCTOR: Couple of weeks before George was born. Tell me about the day he arrived. Must've been wonderful.
ALEX: Best day of my... life.
DOCTOR: Sure?
ALEX: Yes.
DOCTOR: You don't sound sure.
ALEX: What are you trying to say? Look, I don't like this. I've told you before, I want you to go! (points to the door)
DOCTOR: What's the matter, Alex?
ALEX: I can't... Don't! Oh, this is scary!
DOCTOR: No, Alex. This is scary. Claire with baby George. (another photo) Newborn, yes?
ALEX: Yes.
DOCTOR: Less than a month after Christmas.
ALEX: So?
DOCTOR: So look. Look! Claire's not pregnant.
ALEX: What?
DOCTOR: Not pregnant.
ALEX: Well, of course not. Claire can't have kids! (realizes what he said)
DOCTOR: (closes album) Say that again.
ALEX: We tried everything. She was desperate. As much IVF as we could afford, but... Claire can't have kids. How... How can I have forgotten that?
They both slowly turn and look at GEORGE sitting on the bed.
DOCTOR: Who are you, George?
ALEX: It's not possible! This isn't...
DOCTOR: George?
The room begins to shake and light can be seen through the cracks of the cupboard. The bedside lamp switches on brightly. The cupboard door swings open and ALEX and the DOCTOR are pulled towards it. They both try to fight it. GEORGE is terrified.
DOCTOR: George...! George, what's going on? Are you doing this?
ALEX: What's happening?
GEORGE pulls his legs up under his chin, wraps his arms around them and closes his eyes.
GEORGE: Please save me from the Monsters! Please save me from the Monsters! Please save me from the Monsters! Please save me from the Monsters! (continues)
The DOCTOR and ALEX try to fight the pull of the cupboard.
DOCTOR: George!
ALEX: Doctor!
DOCTOR: George! (is pulled into the cabinet)
ALEX: George! (follows the DOCTOR)
The cabinet door closes behind them. GEORGE opens his eyes and blinks five times.
INT. HALL, ??
RORY: Why aren't there any lights? I miss lights. You don't really miss things till they're gone, do you? That's what my nan used to say, "You'll never miss the water till the well runs dry."
AMY: Rory.
RORY: Except light I mean, not water. Lights are great, aren't they? I mean if this place was all lit up, we wouldn't even be worried at all.
AMY: Rory! Panicking. A bit.
RORY: Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
PURCELL comes running down the hall towards them.
PURCELL: Help me! Please! Keep them away from me! Keep them away!
One of the life-sized dolls grabs PURCELL around the neck with one arm forcing him to the floor. He screams as he slowly turns into one of them.
AMY: I take it all back. Panic now.
RORY nods and they run away screaming. The dolls follow stiffly.
DOLL: Don't run away. We want to play!
AMY and RORY shut the door in the dolls' faces.
INT. LIBRARY, DOLLHOUSE
AMY and RORY lean against the door and look at each other as the laughter continues. RORY looks at the crack under the door and sees the shadows move away. They lean back with a sigh.
INT. DINING ROOM, DOLLHOUSE
The DOCTOR and ALEX come to on the floor. The DOCTOR jumps up and runs to the door.
DOCTOR: George! Don't do this! We want to help you, George!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE is stilling sitting on the bed, arms around his legs. He is breathing heavily.
INT. DINING ROOM, DOLLHOUSE
ALEX leans on the table to get up.
ALEX: We went...We went into the cupboard! We went into the cupboard! How can it be bigger in here?
DOCTOR: (sniffs the chicken on the table) More common than you'd think, actually. You're OK.
ALEX: Where are we?
DOCTOR: Obvious, isn't it?
ALEX: No!
DOCTOR: Dolls' house! We're inside the dolls' house.
ALEX: The dolls' house?!
DOCTOR: In the cupboard. In your flat. The dolls' house!
ALEX: No, no, just slow down, would you?
DOCTOR: Look! Wooden chicken! (throws it at ALEX who catches it) Cups, saucers, plates, (throws plate and cup) knives, forks, fruit, chickens! Wood! So... we're either inside the dolls' house or this a refuge for dirty posh people who eat wooden food. Or termites! Giant termites trying to get on the property ladder. (picks up melon and thrusts it at ALEX) No, that's possible. Is that possible?
The DOCTOR leaves and ALEX drops the items and follows.
INT. HALL, DOLLHOUSE
The DOCTOR strides down the hallway, ALEX trailing after him.
ALEX: Look, will you stop? (grabs the DOCTOR'S lapels) What is he? What is George? And how could I forget that Claire can't have kids? How?
DOCTOR: Perception filter. (claps ALEX'S arms and continues) Some kind of hugely powerful perception filter. Convinced you and Claire. Everyone. Made you change your memories. (stops in front of a mirror and makes a face) Now, what could do that? (walks on)
ALEX: (looks in mirror) Just a mirror. (follows the DOCTOR)
After ALEX leaves, we see a doll reflected in the mirror.
INT. LIBRARY, DOLLHOUSE
The dolls return and bang on the door.
AMY: Lock it!
RORY: There isn't a lock!
AMY groans as she pushes back on the door. The dolls get the door open a crack but AMY and RORY push it closed. RORY moves a giant spool of thread in front of the door
INT. FRONT HALL, DOLLHOUSE
DOCTOR: So, Claire can't have kids and something responded to that. Responded to that need. What could do that?
ALEX: I thought you were the expert, fighting monsters all day long. You tell me!
DOCTOR: Oi, listen, mush. Old eyes, remember? I've been around the block a few times. More than a few. They've knocked down the blocks I've been round and re-built them as bigger blocks. Super blocks! I've been round them as well. I can't remember everything.
ALEX: Doctor...
DOCTOR: It's like trying to remember the name of someone you met at a party when you were two.
ALEX: Doctor, the lift.
DOCTOR: And I can't just plump for 'Brian' like I normally do.
ALEX: Doctor, listen!
DOCTOR: Shh. What's that?
ALEX: It's the lift. It's the sound that the lift makes. George is scared stiff of it.
ALEX sees the electric candles switch off one by one.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, NIGHT
Everything is quiet on the estate. We see the lift door close.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The shaking in GEORGE'S room slowly stills. GEORGE looks at the cupboard and stands.
INT. LIBRARY, DOLLHOUSE
AMY looks around for another door.
AMY: We can't stay in here. We've got to get out!
RORY: Er, how?
AMY: (grabs RORY by the lapels) Take control, Rory. Take control of the only thing we can. Letting them in!
RORY: Letting them in?
AMY: And then we surprise them. We open the door and we push past them. Kick them. Punch them. Anything. OK?
DOLL: (muffled) 'Time to play!'
RORY: OK.
They go back to the door and RORY grabs a mop to use as a weapon. AMY moves the spool.
AMY: Go on!
One of the dolls falls to the floor. RORY pushes past the other with the mop.
RORY: Amy, come on!
AMY follows but is caught.
AMY: Rory!
RORY turns to go back but can only watch, horrified, as AMY is turned into a doll. The dolls come after him and he uses the mop to keep them back.
INT. FRONT HALL, DOLLHOUSE
ALEX watches the lights as they turn on one at a time and then shut off.
ALEX: Five times.
DOCTOR: What?
ALEX: The lights. It's happening five times. It's like one of George's habits.
The DOCTOR kneels down beside him.
ALEX: We have to switch the light on and off five times.
DOCTOR: Now you're getting it!
ALEX: What d'you mean?
DOCTOR: What do you tell George to do, Alex, with everything that scares him?
ALEX: Well, put it in the... cupboard.
DOCTOR: George isn't just an ordinary little boy. So, anything scary he puts in here. Scary toys, like the dolls' house. Scary noises, like, like the lift. Even his little rituals have become part of it. A psychic repository for all his fears, but what is he?
A doll enters the room behind them and they turn at the sound of the laugh and see it. They look again.
ALEX: Oh, my God!
They stand and the DOCTOR takes out the sonic and uses it to no effect. The doll advances on them.
ALEX: A gun? You've got a gun?!
DOCTOR: It's not a gun. Wood! I've got to invent a setting for wood. It's embarrassing.
They run for the opposite door. They find a large pair of purple children's safety scissors.
DOCTOR: Come on!
The DOCTOR pushes the doll away and they make their escape.
DOLL: 'Don't run away. We just want to play.'
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE walks slowly to the cupboard and stops in front of it.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
The DOCTOR strides in, holding the scissors, as he thinks aloud.
DOCTOR: Massive psychic field. Perfect perception filter. And that need.
The DOCTOR gives the scissors to ALEX who uses them against the doll that followed them.
DOCTOR: That need of Claire's to, to... Stupid Doctor! (slaps his forehead) Ow! George is a Tenza. Of course he is.
ALEX: He's a what?!
DOCTOR: A cuckoo. A cuckoo in the nest. A Tenza. He's a Tenza. (opens a door and quickly shuts it on another doll) Millions of them hatch in space and then whoomph! (tries third door) Off they drift, looking for a nest. The Tenza young can sense exactly what their foster parents want and then they assimilate. Perfectly.
ALEX: George is an... alien? (pushes back two dolls)
DOCTOR: Yup.
ALEX: But he's... he's our child!
DOCTOR: (goes up stairs) Of course he is. The child you always wanted. He sensed that instinctively and sought you out, but something scared him. Started this cycle of fear.
ALEX joins him on the stairs as three dolls advance on them.
DOCTOR: It's all completely instinctive. Subconscious. George isn't even aware that he's controlling it. (scratches his head) So we have to make him aware. (runs to the next flight) George!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
DOCTOR: (through cupboard) GEORGE! You're the only one who can stop this,
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
DOCTOR: but you have to believe! You have to believe, you have to know you're safe!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE covers his ears.
DOCTOR: (through cupboard) I can't save you from the monsters.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
DOCTOR: Only you can! George, Listen to me!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
DOCTOR: (through cupboard) George! Listen to me!
GEORGE lowers his hands.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
RORY is working his way down the stairs, still fending off the dolls with a mop, while the DOCTOR and ALEX are working their way up.
DOCTOR: Rory!
RORY: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Where's Amy?
RORY points at the red-haired doll.
DOCTOR: George! George, you have to face your fears.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
DOCTOR: (through cupboard) You have to face them now!
GEORGE walks closer.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
DOCTOR: You have to open the cupboard or we'll all be trapped here forever in a living death! George!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
DOCTOR: (through cupboard) George, listen to me! George!
GEORGE stands in front of the cupboard.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
DOCTOR: George listen to me!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
DOCTOR: (through cupboard) George!
GEORGE reaches for the latch.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
The DOCTOR, RORY and ALEX are surrounded by the dolls.
DOCTOR: Please! George, you have to end this!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE turns the latch.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
DOCTOR: End this end this. End this now!
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
GEORGE opens the cupboard.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
The dolls stop. The DOCTOR sees GEORGE standing in the center of the room below them.
DOCTOR: George! George! You did it! You did it! It's OK, it's all OK now. Everything's going to be fine.
The dolls start moving again and walk down the stairs to GEORGE.
DOCTOR: No. No. No, no, no, no, no! (leans over the bannister) George, you created this whole world. This whole thing, you can smash it! You can destroy it!
GEORGE shakes his head.
DOCTOR: Something's holding him back. Something's holding him back. Something...
[SCENE_BREAK]
FLASHBACK---
GEORGE: Who are you?
DOCTOR: I'm The Doctor.
GEORGE: (scared) A doctor? Have you come to take me away?
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: (looks at ALEX) That's what did it. That's what the trigger was. He thought you were rejecting him. He thought he wasn't wanted. That someone was going to come and take him away.
The dolls move closer to GEORGE who is shaking with fear.
ALEX: Well, we... we talked about it.
DOCTOR: Yeah, and he heard you, Alex. A Tenza's sole function is to fit in, to be wanted, and you were rejecting him.
ALEX: We just couldn't cope. We needed help!
RORY pushes the dolls with the mop.
DOCTOR: Yes, but George didn't know that. He thought you were rejecting him. He still thinks it.
ALEX: But how can we keep him? How can we? He's not...
DOCTOR: Not what?
ALEX looks down at GEORGE as the dolls begin to surround him.
ALEX: He's not... human.
DOCTOR: No.
GEORGE: DAD!
ALEX pushes the scissors at the DOCTOR and runs down the stairs, pushing past the dolls. Just as the dolls are about to completely hide GEORGE, ALEX grabs him and takes him in a huge hug. The dolls stop. GEORGE cries.
ALEX: Whatever you are, whatever you do, you're my son. And I will never, ever send you away. Oh, George. Oh, my little boy.
GEORGE: Dad.
INT. FLAT, GEORGE'S BEDROOM, NIGHT
The cupboard door flies open and light pours out.
INT. MAIN STAIR, DOLLHOUSE
Bright light filters through the windows.
ALEX: My little boy.
GEORGE: Dad.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, DAY
MRS ROSSITER wakes up among the garbage bags by the bins.
MRS ROSSITER: Oh, dear. Must be them tablets. Oh. Oh, dear.
The lift opens and RORY and AMY are inside. They step out.
AMY: Was I...?
RORY: Yeah.
INT. PURCELL'S FLAT, PARLOR, DAY
PURCELL wakes up to Bernard licking his hand. He hugs the dog.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, DAY
CLAIRE walks up to the door and uses her key to unlock it.
INT. FLAT, FRONT HALL, DAY
CLAIRE: Hi!
She looks into the kitchen and sees GEORGE holding one of his toys and laughing at the DOCTOR and ALEX. He's sitting on the counter.
INT. FLAT, KITCHEN, DAY
CLAIRE enters the kitchen.
DOCTOR: Hello! You're Claire, I expect. Claire... (kisses her on both cheeks) how'd you feel about kippers? (goes to the stove)
CLAIRE: Er... who?
ALEX: They sent someone. About George. It's all sorted.
CLAIRE goes to GEORGE and rubs his back as he eats a slice of bread.
DOCTOR: Yeah, we had a great time, didn't we?
GEORGE: Yeah!
DOCTOR: See, he's fine.
CLAIRE: What? Just like that?
DOCTOR: Yes. Trust me.
CLAIRE smiles. ALEX kisses her on the cheek. GEORGE sits on the counter smiling and swinging his legs.
EXT. COUNCIL ESTATE, DAY
The DOCTOR leaves the flat. ALEX follows him.
ALEX: Doctor, wait!
DOCTOR: Sorry, yes. Bye. (shakes his hand)
ALEX: You can't just... I mean...
DOCTOR: It's sorted. You sorted it. Good man, Alex. Proud of you. (turns away)
ALEX: What, that's it?
DOCTOR: Well, apart from making sure he eats his greens and getting him into a good school, yes.
ALEX: But is he going to...I don't know, sprout another head or three eyes or something?
DOCTOR: He's one of the Tenza remember? He'll adapt perfectly now. (GEORGE steps out) Hey! Be whatever you want him to be. (walks away but stops) I might pop back around puberty, mind you. Always a funny time. (leaves)
CLAIRE: (from inside) Kippers are getting cold!
ALEX and GEORGE go inside. The DOCTOR finds AMY and RORY sitting on a low brick wall.
DOCTOR: Come on, you two. Things to do, people to see, whole civilisations to save. (sits between them) You feeling OK?
AMY: Erm, I think so.
The DOCTOR puts an arm around each of them.
DOCTOR: Well, it's good to be all back together again. In the flesh. Come on. (stands and leaves)
INT. TARDIS
The DOCTOR bounds up the steps to the console. AMY and RORY follow.
DOCTOR: Now did someone mention something about planets and history and stuff? Where do you want to go?
AMY: Um...
DOCTOR: Mind's gone blank.
AMY: Well, I have just been turned into a wooden dolly.
DOCTOR: Excuses, excuses.
RORY: It's tough though. It's like being given three wishes.
DOCTOR: The whole universe? Or universes. Ooh, three wishes like Ali Baba. How about that?
The conversation fades out as a girl singing a children's rhyme takes over.
"Tick tock goes the clock And what now shall we play? Tick tock goes the clock Now summer's gone away?
Tick tock goes the clock And what then shall we see? Tick tock until the day That thou shalt marry me
Tick tock goes the clock And all the years they fly Tick tock and all too soon You and I must die.
Tick tock goes the clock He cradled her and he rocked her Tick tock goes the clock Even for the Doctor..." | Plan: A: a " house call; Q: What do the Doctor, Amy, and Rory make to a boy named George? A: George; Q: Who is the boy who is terrified of everything? A: Alex; Q: Who is George's father? A: the lift; Q: Where are Amy and Rory transported from? A: a life-size doll house; Q: Where are Amy and Rory transported to? A: peg dolls; Q: What are the other members of the housing estate turned into? A: dolls; Q: What is George surrounded by when he opens his wardrobe? A: Claire; Q: Who is Alex's wife? A: an empathic alien; Q: What is George? A: Alex and Claire's desired child; Q: What did George take on the form of? A: a perception filter; Q: How did George become a child? A: his fears; Q: What does George lock away in his wardrobe? A: George panics; Q: What causes the Doctor and Alex to be sucked into the doll's house? A: a son; Q: What does Alex embrace George as? A: the inhabitants; Q: Who is returned to their world when the dollhouse world ceases to exist? Summary: The Doctor, Amy, and Rory make a " house call " to a boy named George who is terrified of almost everything, especially the wardrobe in his room. As the Doctor talks to his father Alex, Amy and Rory are transported from the lift to a life-size doll house where other members of the housing estate have arrived, to be turned into peg dolls . The Doctor investigates and Alex suddenly realises that his wife Claire was never pregnant. The Doctor asserts that George is an empathic alien who took on the form of Alex and Claire's desired child through a perception filter , and has the ability to lock away his fears within the wardrobe. George panics, causing the Doctor and Alex to be sucked into the doll's house. The Doctor realises that if George faces his fears by opening the wardrobe, the world in the dollhouse will be destroyed. George opens the wardrobe and is surrounded by dolls due to his belief that he is not wanted. Alex embraces George as a son, causing the dollhouse world to cease to exist and the inhabitants are returned to their world. |
ACT ONE
Scene One - Street - Night Frasier is driving at breakneck speed, with a highly agitated Roz in the passenger seat.
Roz: Faster, Frasier, faster! [throws her leg across and stamps the accelerator] You can make this light!
Frasier: God, you're going to get us killed!
Roz: I can't be late for this date!
Frasier: Oh, this is ridiculous! First the drycleaner, then the ATM, now you're making me cart you off to some restaurant!
Roz: Well, I'm sorry, I didn't plan for my car to be in the shop. But I really, really appreciate it, Frasier. [starts unbuttoning her shirt]
Frasier: Oh, a basket of fruit would suffice!
Roz: I am changing for my date! Don't look at me! Turn around! Turn all the way around!
Frasier: I'm driving!
Roz: Fine! [climbs into the backseat] Hand me my jeans, will you?
Frasier: Here. [hands them to her, then checks the rearview] Oh, oh, great! There's a police car behind us. Please don't turn on the red light. Don't turn on the red light. Don't turn on the-
Siren. Frasier moans and pulls over.
Roz: Damn it, Frasier! Don't worry, you're not going to get a ticket. You're a celebrity, use a little juice!
Frasier: Oh, I refuse to do anything of the sort!
Roz: OK, fine. Enjoy traffic school.
The traffic cop walks up to his side. Frasier rolls down his window.
Frasier: Hello, officer. I'm listening. The cop - an attractive red-haired woman - bends down, all business.
Cop: I clocked you doing sixty-two in a forty-mile zone.
She shines her flashlight in the backseat. Roz, still half out of her jeans, waves sheepishly.
Cop: Well, this is interesting. Usually both people are in the backseat.
Frasier: It's not what you think. See, we were just coming back from KACL, where I do my radio show.
Cop: Uh-huh.
Frasier: You see, we ran a little late, because I was on with a very troubled caller, with a very complex psychological problem... on my radio show.
Cop: Hey, wait a minute. You're Dr. Frasier Crane!
Frasier: Drat! My cover is blown.
Cop: I love your show! I listen to it all the time.
Frasier: Oh well, thank you. It's always nice to-
Cop: License and registration, please.
Frasier: Be arrested by a fan.
He hands them over. Roz, who has not halted her pre-date preparation, leans forward to the rearview mirror and sprays perfume on her neck.
Frasier: Roz, if you could delay ablutions? I'm in custody here!
Cop: Hey, it's your birthday today. [re: Roz] Is this a little celebration?
Frasier: No, no, I'm simply taking my producer to meet her date.
Roz: Frasier, why didn't you tell me it was your birthday? I'd have thrown you a party at the station!
Frasier: Question asked, question answered. [to cop] I'm just going to be dropping her off, then have a cold plate of deli, and get to bed early. Almost makes you feel sorry for me, doesn't it?
Cop: I spent my last birthday subduing a drunk-and-disorderly at a sleazy bar.
Frasier: Don't you hate to work on your birthday?
Cop: He was my date. Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to let you off. [hands his license back] Just think of this as a little birthday gift from me.
Frasier: Thank you.
Cop: But slow down. I'd hate to see you get hurt.
Frasier: I'm listening.
The cop laughs and goes back to her car. Roz slides into the front.
Roz: OK, let's go!
Frasier: Do you sense a little moment there?
Roz: ["Why are we not moving?!"] What are you talking about?!
Frasier: Well, between me and that very attractive officer. It just felt like there was something there.
Roz: Yeah, major sparks. Now, just the right pedal. The big pedal-
Frasier: Now, just a minute. [adjusts the rearview] We'll see if she's watching me. If she's watching me, she's interested. Oh, yes! She's turning around, she's looking up!
Cop: [over bullhorn] Move your vehicle!
Frasier: Oh, yes. I've cast my spell.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Apartment Frasier sits at the dinner table before a birthday cake. Martin, Niles, and Daphne stand over him. Eddie is in a chair.
Daphne: Go on, Dr. Crane, make a wish.
Frasier: [making evil eyes at Eddie] Oh, why bother? I made the same wish last year, it didn't come true.
Martin: Come on, son, blow out the candles!
Frasier draws breath, and blows out the candles, which promptly light again - trick candles. Daphne and Martin laugh, Niles applauds lightly.
Frasier: [dry, sarcastic] Oh, what a surprise. Look, they're lighting again! What sorcerer's magic is this? [cuts the cake] You know, Dad, I had a nice little birthday bonus today. On my way home, I was pulled over for speeding by a very pretty policewoman, who let me off. I got the distinct impression that she found me attractive. Now, that sort of thing happens, doesn't it?
Martin: Oh, sure. I was always leaning against somebody's window thinking, "that bloody chainsaw in the backseat looks kind of iffy, but she's got a cute smile!"
Frasier: Oh, ha, ha. I'm telling you, there was something there, though. Well, of course the whole conversation's academic. I don't even know her name. I suppose I could call down to the police station and try to find out who was on traffic duty. But, uh, I don't suppose they'd give that sort of information to a civilian. You'd have to have some... conduit to the police department, an insider who could break that damnable code of silence!
Martin: All right, I'll make the damn call. [goes to the phone]
Frasier: You, Dad? Why, I didn't even think of-
Martin: Oh, shut up.
Frasier: You know, I haven't felt such an instant attraction to a woman in quite some time. Well, considering the difference in our backgrounds, it's really rather puzzling.
Niles: Oh, pish-tosh! It's painfully obvious what's attracting you - the gleam of her jackboots, her dangling nightstick, the glint of her handcuffs hanging on her leather belt. You're off on some lurid little disciplinary fantasy.
Daphne: [notices] Oh, Dr. Crane, shame on you! You got icing up and down your sleeve!
Niles: Oh. I am a naughty boy.
She leads him to the kitchen.
Daphne: Well, certainly a messy one.
Niles: But mainly a naughty one.
Martin: [on phone] Hey, Charlie, yeah, Marty Crane, how ya doing? Hey, listen, Charlie, I'm trying to track down a woman officer who was on traffic tonight, uh, near...
Frasier: Blanchett and Fourth.
Martin: Blanchett and Fourth. Great, OK, thanks. [hangs up] Her name's Maureen Cutler, and she usually goes to McGinty's after work. Charlie said she's probably there now.
Frasier: Thanks, Dad.
Martin: Are you going to go?
Frasier: Well, I don't know. A police bar? If I go in there alone, I'll stand out like a sore thumb!
Niles: All right, I'll go.
Martin: Sit down, Niles, I'll go with him. You know, after all these hoity-toity, caviar-sucking egghead types you've been dating, I think a lady cop would be a nice breath of fresh air.
Frasier: Oh, all right, I'll go! Give me a second, I'll put some fresh collar-stays in, and-oh, oh, I've got a fabulous brand-new cashmere jacket I've been dying to premiere!
He runs into his room.
Martin: Oh, yeah. This is gonna work.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SINS OF THE FATHER
Scene Three - McGinty's The bar is packed with off-duty cops and other working stiffs. Martin, dressed in a letterman jacket, stands next to Frasier, who stands out like a sore thumb in his suit.
Martin: You see her yet?
Frasier: I don't know.
Martin: [pointing] What about her?
Frasier: No, that's not Maureen.
Martin: No, I mean, what about her?
Frasier: Oh, there she is!
The cop (Maureen), in casual dress, is standing over by the jukebox, joking with a friend.
Martin: Wow, she is a looker! Well, come on, let's go say hello.
They go over. As Maureen catches sight of them, Frasier smotes his forehead in feigned surprise.
Frasier: Oh well! Oh my God, fancy seeing you here!
Maureen: Hey, Frasier Crane.
Frasier: Oh, you remember me?
Maureen: Come on - sixty-two in a forty-mile zone with a half-naked girl in the backseat?
Frasier chuckles, but Martin looks shocked.
Frasier: Roz.
Martin: Oh.
Frasier introduces Martin.
Frasier: Oh, uh, this is my father.
Maureen: How do you do? I'm Maureen Cutler.
Martin: [shaking hands] Marty Crane, nice to meet you.
Maureen: Nice to meet you.
Martin: Say, Maureen, how about a drink?
Maureen: Yeah, why not?
Frasier: Let me get them. I'm a beer drinker myself, what about you?
Maureen: That's fine by me.
Martin: Beer, huh? Oh, what the hell, I'll try one.
Frasier goes to the bar. Martin and Maureen sit at a table.
Maureen: So, what brings you guys here? This is mostly a cop hangout.
Martin: Well, I used to be on the force.
Maureen: Really?
Martin: Yeah.
Maureen: Wait a minute. Marty Crane? You're Martin Crane!
Martin: You're wasting your time in traffic, you're quite a detective.
[laughs]
Maureen: No, I mean I remember you when I was training. You gave this great lecture at the academy on how to deal with an armed suspect.
Martin: Well, thanks.
Maureen: How come you left the force?
Martin: Well, I uh, got shot by an armed suspect. [laughs]
Maureen: I'm sorry.
Martin: Oh, it's all right.
Maureen: So, do you miss it?
Martin: Nah, how attached can you get to a hip?
They laugh. Maureen's beeper goes off.
Maureen: Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. [gets up] I have to get over to the hospital. I told them to beep me if there was any news about my sergeant.
Martin: What happened to him?
Maureen: She's having a baby.
Martin: Oh well, hope it's a girl! Yeah, I'll tell Frasier you had to run.
Maureen: Thanks... listen, um, I never do this, but I would love to have a beer or go to dinner sometime.
Martin: [taken aback] With me?
Maureen: I don't want to put you on the spot. [gives him her card] If you, uh, if you want to go out, just give me a call.
Martin: With me?
Maureen: You're the only one here.
Frasier comes back with three beers.
Frasier: Here we are! Three beers. Good news, there was a fly in one glass, so these are free!
Maureen: I'm sorry, I just got beeped.
Frasier: Oh, that's too bad.
Maureen: Yeah, but it was nice to see you. Maybe I'll bump into you again here sometime.
Frasier: Oh, that'd be great.
Maureen: OK, bye.
Frasier: Bye.
Maureen leaves.
Frasier: Well, I think that went very well, don't you? Martin is speechless.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Scene Four - Café Nervosa Niles is sitting at a corner table. The Waitress takes his order.
Niles: I'll have a grande half-caf latte, with a whisper of cinnamon. And for my father, plain coffee. I cannot emphasize the word "plain" enough. No foam, no cinnamon, no exotic flavors. If it is not plain, I take no responsibility for the consequences.
Waitress: How about a biscotti?
Niles: All right. But when you bring it, call it a cookie.
The Waitress leaves, Martin walks in.
Martin: Hi, son.
Niles: Hello, Dad.
Martin: Uh, I want to thank you for meeting me like this.
Niles: Well, my pleasure. [they sit] So... what can I do you for?
Martin: Well, I need some advice.
Niles: That's why you asked me here?
Martin: Yeah.
Niles: You've never done this before!
Martin: Yeah, well, I'm sorry. But anyway, you remember-
Niles: Dad, I want you to know I'm not only deeply touched, but I consider this a watershed moment in our relationship!
Martin: Great. See, the thing is-
Niles: All my life, it seems you've always turned to Frasier. "Frasier, Frasier, Frasier!"
Martin: Niles, can I talk?!
Niles: I'm listening.
The Waitress brings their coffees.
Waitress: Here we are. One latte, one coffee, and one [looks at Niles] "cookie."
Martin: I think they call this thing a biscotti.
Niles: No need to talk down to the man. Off you go!
The waitress leaves.
Martin: Well, anyway, uh, you remember the other night, Frasier's policewoman?
Niles: Mmm-hmm.
Martin: Well, we found her at the bar, and, uh, well, she came on to me.
Niles: No.
Martin: Yeah.
Niles: You?
Martin: Yeah.
Niles: Was she drunk? [Martin glares] Oh, I'm sorry, Dad, of course, you're right, I'm sorry. Uh, [barely able to contain his delight] what was Frasier's reaction?
Martin: I haven't told him yet.
Niles: Why not?
Martin: I just can't.
Niles: Can I?
Martin: I know he's going to feel lousy. He finally meets a girl he likes, and she's attracted to his old man.
Niles: Hmm, that is quite a conundrum. I wonder if that's what's really bothering you.
Martin: What do you mean?
Niles: Maybe, underneath it all, you're attracted to this woman and you want to go out with her.
Martin: Oh, are you, nuts? That's sick! That's disgusting!
Niles shrugs to say, "it's just a theory."
Martin: But for the sake of argument, let's say you're right.
Niles: Dad, you're allowed to be attracted to a woman.
Martin: What kind of a father does a thing like that?
Niles: Did you encourage her in any way?
Martin: Well, I guess I was kind of charming. I mean, I didn't mean to be! It just sometimes leaks out.
Niles: Well, what do you want to do?
Martin: Well, most important I don't want to hurt Frasier. And secondly, I want to go out with Maureen. The order of that changes depending on the time of day.
Niles: Well, one possibility is, go on a date with her. If you feel there are sparks between you and this woman, then tell Frasier.
Martin: I don't want to lie to my son.
Niles: You're not lying to him. You're delaying the truth to spare his feelings. If nothing happens, he need never know.
Martin: Well, I guess it's worth a try. If Maureen and I hit it off, then I'll tell him immediately.
Niles: Or I can. Really, I don't mind!
Martin gives him a look.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Apartment Martin walks toward the door, looking around like a guilty teenager. Just as he reaches the door, Frasier comes out.
Frasier: Hi, Dad.
Martin: Oh, Frasier! You're still home.
Frasier: Yeah. Where are you going?
Martin: Just out.
Frasier: What are you gonna do?
Martin: Nothing.
Frasier: When are you gonna be home?
Martin: Later.
Frasier: Well, you put a dent in the car, young man, it's coming out of your allowance!
Martin laughs weakly and leaves. Frasier picks up a book and a glass of wine from the coffee table and takes them to the kitchen.
Daphne comes in the front door with Charlotte and Maggie - two fellow domestic servants of British descent - with shopping bags.
Charlotte: I mean, I've got my pride, you know. So, I said to her, I said, "Mrs. Crease, I'll do the cooking, I'll do the cleaning, but I draw the line at creaming your feet!"
The two girls drop onto the couch like they own the place.
Charlotte: Dear, hurry up! "The Mambo Kings" is about to start!
Daphne: Oh, I wouldn't mind mamboing with Antonio Banderas! All right, set out the goodies and I'll go get the wine.
As Daphne heads for the kitchen, Charlotte and Maggie put their feet up on the coffee table. Charlotte unwraps a large chocolate bar.
Daphne: Oh, and this time, Charlotte, be careful with that chocolate! I had a hell of a time hiding the stain from His Nibs- [runs headlong into Frasier] Oh, hello, Dr. Crane!
Charlotte and Maggie hide their goodies and jump to attention. Frasier smiles benevolently, enjoying the power of a man who knows exactly what's going on.
Frasier: Daphne. Charlotte, Maggie.
Charlotte/Maggie: Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Please, sit down. [they do]
Daphne: I thought you were filling in at the station tonight.
Frasier: Oh, I am. But, uh, not for a couple of hours yet.
He takes his book and wine to a chair, giving every sign of settling in. Behind his back, Charlotte and Maggie mime "Get him out of here!" while Daphne mimes back helplessness.
Daphne: Oh-ho, seems a shame to hang around here. I mean, I would have thought you'd have taken an opportunity like this to, I don't know... go down to McGinty's?
Charlotte: Oh, to see his new lady friend, you mean?
Frasier: Ah, well, I see I've been quite the hot topic over the teapot.
Daphne: You know, I may have said a thing or two in passing, but-
Charlotte: I'd go for it, Dr. Crane!
Frasier: Yes, well, if you must know, I was planning to go down there, but not for a couple of days yet.
Charlotte: Well, I wouldn't wait too long. I mean, strike while the iron's hot, that's what I always say!
Daphne: She's right.
Frasier: Well, women don't really like men that are too overeager.
Daphne: Oh, nonsense. I mean, you know, it's one thing if the man's some bounder git from the docks, but it's different if the man's like you.
Maggie: Someone who's charming.
Charlotte: And handsome.
Daphne: And knows lots and lots of words.
Frasier: Well, McGinty's is on my way to the station. I suppose I could just pop my head in. [picks up his briefcase and goes to the door] Thank you, ladies, for your support - even if it was nakedly self-serving and insincere.
He smiles at them and leaves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - McGinty's Maureen and Martin are sitting at a table. Martin's back is to the door.
Maureen: So, they finally put my transfer through, and I'm moving out of Traffic and into Narcotics. Yeah, I'm gonna be working with, uh, Bill Henderson at the 31st.
Martin: Good for you.
Frasier looks through the window. Through the crowd, he sees Maureen, but not Martin.
Maureen: Yeah, I'm excited, although I hear he can be pretty tough. As Frasier comes in, he notices Martin and wonders what he's doing.
Martin: Oh no. I mean, he might seem a little stiff and strait-laced, but once you get to know him he's the greatest guy in the world.
Frasier, hearing this, draws the obvious (and wrong) conclusion.
Maureen: Yeah, he is pretty impressive.
Martin: Oh yeah, smart, great sense of humor. No, you're gonna have a great time.
Frasier: Dad, I can't believe you're doing this!
Maureen: Frasier!
Martin: Look, I was gonna tell you-
Frasier: [to Maureen] Believe me, I did not put him up to this, though I think he's overselling me a little. I'm not the greatest guy in the world. Seattle, maybe.
Maureen: Am I missing something?
Frasier: Oh, I'm just joking. OK, Dad, thanks for warming her up for me. I can take over here.
Maureen: Martin?
Martin: Frasier... Maureen and I are here on a date.
Frasier absorbs that. Then he laughs jovially. Holding up a "one second" finger, he takes Martin's drink and downs it in one gulp, turning his face away as a stormy expression crosses it.
Frasier: I know you might think this is one of those wildly embarrassing moments where I'm standing here with egg on my face. I assure you, I'm not as embarrassed as you might assume I would be embarrassed. I'm not uncomfortable, so please, don't you be uncomfortable either.
He takes Maureen's drink and downs it in one gulp.
Maureen: [getting up] Why don't I give you two a moment?
Frasier: Whatever!
Maureen leaves. Frasier sits down.
Frasier: You asked her out?!
Martin: No, that's not the way it happened.
Frasier: There's no use lying to me. I am at the lowest point I could possibly be, so please just tell me the truth!
Martin: Maureen asked me out.
Frasier: Going down!
Martin: It happened the other night when you went to the bar to get drinks. You know, it just caught me off guard, I didn't know how to handle it. So, Niles said I should-
Frasier: Niles? Niles knows?
Martin: Look, I'm sorry. It was supposed to be a one-time thing, just to see if there was something there, and if there wasn't, then you didn't even need to know about it.
Frasier: Well, is there? "Something there?"
Martin: Oh, yeah.
Frasier: Well... it's not as if we were standing side-by-side when she chose you. I was at the bar! If you'd gone to get the drinks, things would have been different.
Martin: I don't think so.
Frasier: Dad, I'm drowning here. Please, throw me a line!
Martin: Look, uh, I'm gonna go tell her this whole thing is a mistake-
Frasier: No, no, no, Dad! I'll be OK, really. Well... the old dog's still got it in him, huh?
Martin: Yeah. But, really, how long can it last? I mean, she's got to come to her senses eventually-
Frasier: Oh no, Dad, Dad, don't sell yourself short. You've got a lot to offer. Well, I'd better head off to work. Goodnight, Dad.
Martin: Goodnight, thanks.
Frasier picks up his briefcase and heads to the door. As Maureen goes back to the table, he can't resist turning back and letting out a:
Frasier: Damn!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOES THIS MEAN YOU WON'T DO MY TAXES, EDNA?
Scene Seven - KACL Roz is talking on the phone in her booth. A dozen staffers crowd around her.
Roz: Uh-uh, OK, thanks. [hangs up] Frasier just came in the building, so everybody hide and be quiet.
Betty: Do you think he'll be surprised?
Roz: Considering his birthday was yesterday? Yeah, I do, Elizabeth.
Betty: Should we yell "surprise" or "happy birthday?"
Roz: We've done this like five hundred times. And every time it's pretty much the same. We yell, the person pretends to be surprised, and we stuff ourselves with cake.
Betty: I just wanted it to be perfect.
Roz: And that is what makes you so special to us. Now get under the console!
The staffers huddle under the console. Roz goes into the other booth and opens the door to Frasier.
Roz: Hi, Frasier! [he grunts] How you doing?
Frasier: Oh, just wonderful. Forty-three is off to a rousing start. Remember that policewoman I was interested in?
Roz: Yeah?
Frasier: Well, she's dating my father!
The staffers explode with excited whispers.
Roz: Your father?
Frasier: Mmm-hmm!
Roz: Well, never mind that. I know just what will take your mind off of it. I've got something really funny in my booth.
Frasier: I spent the last hour wandering the streets, trying to take assessment of my life. Do you know how long it's been since I've slept with a woman? Seven months!
Roz: Frasier-
Frasier: All right, nine months!
The staffers mouth "Nine months?!" to each other.
Roz: I really don't think we should talk about that right now!
She closes the connecting door, ignoring the protesting motions of the staffers.
Frasier: Oh sure, fine, you can't spare me five minutes to talk about my problems, when every day I drop what I'm doing to be your personal Wailing Wall. "Frasier, he stopped calling me." "Frasier, he wants his key back." "Frasier, his girlfriend is having me followed!"
Roz: I'm sorry.
She goes back to the connecting door and flings it open.
Roz: So nine months, huh?
Frasier: Nine long, long, months.
Roz: Oh...
Frasier: You know who that woman was?
Roz: Who?
Frasier: Edna, from Accounting.
Roz: No...
Frasier: The next day, she dumped me! I tell you, Roz, I'm starting to feel nostalgic for that summer in my twenties when I was impotent!
Roz walks into her booth, he follows her.
Frasier: The only comfort I have now is knowing that my humiliation can't possibly get any worse!
Staffers: [jumping up] SURPRISE!
Frasier looks around, realizing the scope of his disclosure - then he notices one female staffer staring at him dourly.
Frasier: Hi, Edna.
[SCENE_BREAK]
END OF ACT TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
Frasier is lying on the couch, having fallen asleep in his clothes. Martin opens the door, sees him, and tries to tiptoe past. No luck - Frasier wakes up, sees Martin, and scolds him for coming home so late. | Plan: A: Roz; Q: Who is Frasier rushing to deliver to a date? A: Frasier; Q: Who interrupts Maureen's date? A: Maureen; Q: Who is the attractive police officer who stops Frasier for speeding? A: Jane Kaczmarek; Q: Who played Maureen? A: a ticket; Q: What does Maureen agree not to issue to Frasier? A: his father; Q: Who does Frasier convince to help him get in touch with Maureen? A: Frasier's feelings; Q: What does Martin not want to hurt? A: the date; Q: What does Martin interrupt when he goes to the bar to look for Maureen? Summary: Whilst rushing to deliver Roz to a date, Frasier is stopped for speeding by an attractive police officer, Maureen, ( Jane Kaczmarek ), who agrees not to issue a ticket . Frasier persuades his father to help him get in touch with the officer; they meet at McGinty's where she asks Martin if they can meet again. Martin does not wish to hurt Frasier's feelings, but eventually agrees to go on a date with Maureen. Frasier goes to the bar to look for her, and interrupts the date. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Raylan: Are you, uh, a lawyer or...?
Alison: I'm Loretta's social worker. At least you're not feeding me bullshit to get laid.
Raylan: I was just about to get to that. You and your property are seized till the court makes its determination. I want these cuffs off and you people out of my house.
Rachel: All this for doing Detroit's dirty laundry.
Darryl: I'm afraid Florida's tapped out for the Crowes.
Jean Baptiste: Do you have a cousin Dewey in Kentucky?
Dewey: Darryl.
Darryl: It's good to see you, cousin Dewey. Were you there when it happened? It was Crowder, wasn't it? Is this the man who assaulted your husband? Like I said, it's not him. Lee will never again be the man that I married. So I'm in a tough spot.
Boyd: You want that money. $300,000 and I'm gone.
Wynn: I am here to tell you that everything is fine and the new shipment will be here very soon. I need to know when.
Boyd: Day after tomorrow. They hit our shipment.
Boyd: Clean it up. All of it.
Boyd: I'm gonna ask you one time. Did you rip me off?
Wynn: I'm not sure I like your tone, Boyd.
Boyd: Well, then, let me repeat the question. Did you rip me off?
Wynn: No. You see, I believe instead of wasting time accusing each other, we should focus on getting our sh1t back. Now, other than us, the only people who knew the shipment was coming in tonight were Mikey, your two shitheads, and that unwashed roomful of corner boys. Does anybody jump out at you?
Boyd: Let me call you back.
[ Clattering ] [ Both moaning ]
[ Both laugh ] [ Cellphone ringing ]
Alison: [ Moaning ] [ Beep ]
Raylan: Shh.
Alison: Huh?
Raylan: What's up, Art?
Art: What?
Did I catch you working out?
Raylan: No. Bowling.
Art: Well, Monroe's gonna have his bail hearing tomorrow morning. Chances are he's gonna get kicked out on his own recognizance. Apparently, the case is already falling apart. Well, you do understand what that means, right?
Raylan: I'm sorry?
Art: I said you do understand what that means, right?!
Raylan: Yeah. You're saying that Monroe gets out in the morning and I should be ready in case he shows up here.
Art: Well, it wouldn't be the first time that a guy celebrated getting out on bail by taking a shot at the marshal living in his house. Especially if he kills you. On second thought, just forget I called.
Raylan: Funny.
Alison: What?
Raylan: You do know I'm a United States marshal.
Alison: Well, maybe I have a prescription.
Raylan: Do they even give those in this state?
Alison: No. [ Laughs ] Just to take the edge off.
Raylan: Sure doing what you do, you must run into some pretty awful sh1t.
Alison: It's not so bad as you think. The truth is the hardest part's knowing when I pull that kid from a home, I'm responsible for the worst day of that kid's life.
Raylan: I don't want to be contrary, but that sounds every bit as bad as I think people imagine.
Alison: What about you?
Raylan: What about me?
Alison: [ Moans ] Doing what you do, you must run into your share of awfulness, make you see things you can't unsee.
Raylan: Time to time, I suppose.
Alison: What do you do to take the edge off?
[ Car alarm blaring ]
[ Alarm chirps, stops ]
[ Car alarm blaring ]
[ Alarm chirps, stops ]
The downside of these high-end alarms with those shock sensors, neighborhood punks decide they want to have fun with you, all they got to do is run up and smack the bumper.
Raylan: When I was a kid, we'd just... Ring a guy's doorbell, run like hell. Ding-dong ditch.
Raylan: It ended for me the day Mose Sawyer came to his door with a scatter gun. Some guys just can't take a joke.
Raylan: I was about to outgrow it, anyway. Kind of thing you drop as soon as you discover girls. Yet here you are, all growed up, still dinging and donging and don't have the sense to ditch. I never said I was the one that set your car going.
Raylan: It's not my car. Who's it belong to, then?
Raylan: The man this house belongs to... same one who sent you here. Now, why on earth would anybody send little old me?
Raylan: Scare me to death, I suppose. Just so... Everything is out in the open. Less chance somebody makes a mistake that way.
Raylan: Mm. You're a cop, huh?
KSP?
Raylan: Still pretending like you don't know. Unless Monroe didn't tell you.
So, what is this place, somewhere you just bring girls and bang 'em?
Raylan: Mind if I give you some advice? You got one in there right now. [ Laughs ]
Raylan: Why don't you walk away, tell Monroe I wouldn't scare, and if he wants me out of his house so bad, he should come over here his own self. Now, who's Monroe? All right, easy, now. I'll be on my way. I can tell you're all anxious to get back to it. Can't say I blame you. Dear lord, she must be some kind of piece.
Raylan: Get me out here again, you best remember to ditch.
Alison: What was it?
Raylan: On the fritz.
Alison: You're not gonna believe this. I have to go.
Raylan: What?
♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ Trying to make it home ♪ ♪ Doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ Pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ You try to bogard ♪ ♪ Fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ Trying to make it home ♪ ♪ Doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ Pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
Oh, you here to drop off my keys?
Raylan: Making bail's got no effect on your property seizure. I thought your lawyer explained all that, amount you're paying him.
[ Sighs ]
Yeah, I didn't have to put up bail. I got out on my own recognizance.
Raylan: Congratulations. Yeah. Prosecutor didn't even mind. Seems like you're the only one that doesn't know this case is bullshit.
Raylan: It's not that I don't know so much as I just don't care. Yeah, that's why you're waiting out here for me, 'cause you don't care.
Raylan: I don't care about your case. What I do care about is you not sending any more shitkickers to your house, interrupting my evening. Something happened at my house?
Raylan: Set off your car alarm to draw me outside, as I imagine you told him to do. Gave the girl I was with enough time to come to her senses. Before you send him again, make sure he's a guy you want holding your life in his hands, 'cause anything he does will come back to you. He gets put down, you'd be looking at felony murder. Funny, huh? If he dies, you'd be on the hook for murder... how it works. This guy, did, uh... He do anything else?
Raylan: Next time, why not just cut out the middleman and do it yourself, make the most of that recognizance? Know, I didn't always used to be a finance guy.
Raylan: I know. First few arrests were for assault with intent, collection of debts by extortionate means. That's correct.
Raylan: You want that to impress me? No. I just wanted to let you know that if I were to come looking for you, it wouldn't be to set off a car alarm.
Raylan: Well, you know where to find me. Lee, where I'm from, you go to the police, your family finds you cut up into pieces in a plastic bag. Yeah, but Mooney works for me. Really? Then why does he threaten me? Why does he throw me out of the car and puts a gun to my face? Listen to me. The doctors told me you might never wake up. How was I to know that I'm going to be safe without your protection? [ Laughing ] Oh, that is bullshit. Please don't tell me you're buying into her crap. This woman is obviously terrified. She's not used to this kind of business, and then you scare the sh1t out of her like that! From now on, your number-one job is to make sure she's safe. And where does that leave us with Crowder? Half a dozen of my deputies witness her tell me that he is not the guy. Any I.D that she makes now will get laughed out of court. Well, Mr. Crowder's not gonna go to court. [ Scoffing ] W-what? You're just gonna let him skate? No. I want you to kill him. Get the hell off me, man! Jesus. Pardon me! Move your ass, God damn it! Come on! Come on!
[ Grunts ]
Get off!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Well, sh1t, Boyd. You want to tell me why you had Captain Fauxhawk drag me all the way over here?
Boyd: We have a problem, Cyrus. Hoping maybe you could help. Yeah, well, I hope that problem doesn't have anything to do with a certain service you say will be restored.
Wynn: Is that a BB gun? He had it with him.
Wynn: The more you pump, the harder it shoots? Ain't you never seen a airgun? [ Gun fires ] Ohh! Jesus, man! U almost took out my eye!
Wynn: Yeah, I know. I missed.
[ Gun fires ]
Aah! [ Whimpers ] The hell's wrong with you, man?!
Boyd: My colleague is apoplectic at the part you played in the loss of our product. [ Gun cocks ] The loss of... Jesus!
Boyd: I, on the other hand, understand you must have been an unwitting accomplice, 'cause you ain't stupid enough to think you can rip me off and remain on this side of the goddamn planet! Aah! Jesus Christ, man!
Boyd: So what I need from you right now, son, is to tell me who she is. Boyd, I don't know what you mean right now.
Boyd: Whoever you told about the shipment. And I say "she" 'cause I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt.
[ Gun cocks ]
Come on, now, son. Pussy is a powerful thing. She calls herself "Candy," but that just might be on account of this little trick she does where she just...
Boyd: This better be important. It's that Russian lady. She says it's an emergency.
Wynn: You're taking the call?
Boyd: It is important. Cyrus, in my absence, I encourage you to tell Mr. Duffy everything you know about miss Candy and her bag of tricks. Unh-unh.
Wynn: Don't worry, Cyrus. Aah!
Wynn: [ Chuckles ] [ Gun cocks ] God damn!
Boyd: Miss Mara, at the risk of being rude, do you really think it's smart for you to be calling my bar? [ Coughs ]
Wynn: Ear. Aah! God damn!
Boyd: I see.
Raylan: He sent some asshole to muscle me. I'm supposed to just sit still?
Art: He told you specifically that it was Monroe that sent him?
Raylan: He didn't say it wasn't. Who else is it gonna be?
Art: What I'm really wondering is before Monroe's lawyer called that judge and started screaming "harassment," were you planning on telling me about any of this? You have your "go" bag in the car?
Rachel: Always.
Art: Good.
Raylan: Art.
Art: You're gonna be moving into the Monroe house.
Raylan: That's not necessary.
Rachel: The golden boy's being evicted?
Art: No, nobody's being evicted. Time being, you two are gonna live together, watch each other's backs.
Raylan: [ Groans ] He didn't even have a gun.
Art: He didn't show you a gun. Raylan, come on. This guy comes back, you know he's gonna come heavy. Things go South, can you imagine the shitstorm I'd be under if I ignored a warning sign?
Raylan: So now I got a chaperone.
Art: [ Laughs ] We call it "backup," Raylan. A chaperone is what you would have if, say, I thought you were using the Monroe house for personal business, but, of course, that's ridiculous, 'cause, of course, I know you understand that the shitstorm I was talking about before would be nothing compared to what would happen if, say, a civilian got hurt at a property that we owned.
Rachel: Call me if you're gonna be late for supper.
Darryl: Hear my daddy tell it, you'd have thought Harlan county was hell on earth. When I woke up here this morning, though, I never saw so much green. Man could get used to living like this.
Dewey: How long you planning to stay, cousin Darryl?
Darryl: Cousin Dewey, if I didn't know better, I'd think you don't want me 'round here.
Dewey: [ Laughing ] No, of course not. It's just... I just... what are the feds gonna do when they find out you broke your probation?
Darryl: Even if they knew I left Florida, only way they'd know to find me here... Is if someone told them where to look.
Dewey: That's not the only way. You remember Raylan Givens... he said he sent you to stark? Well, he's assigned to Kentucky now. He's always poking around down here on one thing and another, smacking everybody.
Darryl: Cousin Dewey, now, you're worrying about me like you my bitch. You my bitch?
Dewey: [ Chuckling ] No, I'm not your bitch.
Darryl: Okay, 'cause my probation's over on account of me helping Raylan Givens apprehend a notorious fugitive. That means I'm free to come and go as I please.
Dewey: You came here.
Darryl: Figured you could use some help.
Dewey: With what?
Darryl: Hey, girl. Hey! "Café con leche" don't just mean "coffee with milk." You got to stir it, steam it.
Dewey: What is it you think I need help with?
Darryl: Managing your new fortune.
Dewey: How did you hear about that?
Darryl: See, when I was locked down at Stark, I took a bunch of classes... business administration, accounting, real estate. Took one in composition, which I don't think will come into play, but you never know.
Dewey: I appreciate the thought and all...
Darryl: Hey, you ain't got to thank me. How much y'all make in here, week over week? Oh, uh, five, six.
Darryl: Y'all make 300 grand a year? Four or five. No, five... f-f-f-five, six... [ Clears throat ] ...Hundred.
Darryl: Is that right?
Dewey: Yeah, w... there's a lot of expenses, taking care of whores.
Darryl: Yeah? Who told you that, huh? The fella you bought from? What's his name, Beard? Bird?
Dewey: Boyd.
Darryl: Boyd.
Dewey: Boyd Crowder.
Darryl: How much you pay him?
Dewey : $250,000.
Darryl: $250,000?! God damn, Dewey! You got ripped off! Look, r-r-right here in the classifieds, there's a fully equipped and liquor-licensed restaurant in Corbin going for a buck 25, and it has curb appeal! You ain't got no curb appeal up in here!
Dewey: What's curb appeal?
Darryl: Damn, Dewey! You done got ripped off! Damn! Look, I know you don't want me here.
Dewey: [ Laughing ] No, I never said that.
Darryl: Mm! It's okay. It's okay. All right? You got your own thing. You want to be left to it, right, big man? So, why don't you go and talk to Boyd and tell him that your real-estate consultant has determined that you overpaid, all right? And you expect him to return you $100,000 of that $250,000. I'm gonna take half for my time and expertise, and you'll see my taillights. How's that sound, big man?
Dewey: Okay.
Rachel: This make sense to you?
Raylan: You know, it doesn't. Art's the one that thinks you need to be here.
Rachel: No, I mean Monroe sending a guy. Could he really think he'd make us move out of his house?
Raylan: Eh, maybe he sent him to be an asshole.
Rachel: You do bring it out in people. But I'll try not to cramp your style. Don't worry.
Raylan: It's not that.
Rachel: Huh, so I guess the blonde at the door isn't here to see you.
Raylan: It's Loretta McCready's case worker.
Alison: I guess it's not such a good idea, me showing up here. I thought you said you had the place to yourself.
Raylan: I did. That car alarm last night.
Alison: You said it was on the Fritz.
Raylan: I... Didn't want to... Kill your buzz, so to speak. There was a guy out here setting it off, hitting the bumper with a bat. Seems pretty clear it was the owner who sent him. Under the circumstances, my boss doesn't want anyone here alone.
Alison: So, when you say "a bat," you mean a baseball bat?
Raylan: Don't mean the kind with wings.
Alison: This guy, did he have a...Shamrock tattooed on his neck?
Raylan: Please tell me that was a lucky guess.
[ Buzzer ]
Boyd: Hey. Look, I ain't got a lot of time.
[ Clears throat ] I got robbed last night. I don't want to go into the details, but I'm looking for the person who I think is responsible. Now, her name is Candy. Now, Cyrus You remember Cyrus?
Ava: Mm.
Boyd: Now, Cyrus said this girl used ice on him, breath mints. Said she did things they ain't even got names for. Now, I know we had a couple of girls at Audry's used to specialize in stuff like this. Ava, is any of this ringing a bell?
Ava: Why? Are you looking for a blowjob?
Boyd: Baby, I'm looking to find out who robbed me.
Ava: You mean who robbed us, don't you?
Boyd: Ava, what do you want from me?
Ava: Well, I want you to ask me how I'm doing in here. I want you to tell me what you're doing to get me out.
Boyd: Well, it's best, honey, if you don't know the details.
Ava: [ Scoffs ] Which details, Boyd? How you couldn't bribe a judge? Or how you nearly killed the one man whose testimony we needed changed? [ Slaps leg ] Maybe I really am better off counting on him.
Boyd: You take those things off again, I'm gonna staple them to your goddamn head. Turn around. ♪ I'm doing everything I can for you. There ain't no legal way to get you out of this. The things they charged you with, it ain't like they got it wrong.
Ava: You told me to move that body.
Boyd: I didn't tell you to do it alone, to kick Jimmy out of the truck.
Ava: So all this, it's my fault?
Boyd: I didn't kill Delroy.
Ava: [ Scoffs ] That was all me. Hey. We're done.
Boyd: Ava. [ Sighs ] I still need to find that girl.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Buzzer ]
[ Door opens ]
The first of two lions led to more. [ Car alarm blaring ]
[ Grunts ] [ Groans ]
Raylan: Carry this with you everywhere, huh?
Smart. Guy with your record gets stopped with a gun... knife even... he's going away. But this thing, well, you could do as much damage in the right hands, but you get stopped with it, you just say you're on the way to the batting cages. [ Grunts ]
[ Groans ]
Raylan: Why don't you stay down there, Henry? [ Laughing ] How did you find me?
Raylan: Oh, come on.
A smart fellow like you can figure it out. That bitch saw me last night, huh? Just when I... [ Screams ]
Raylan: That was my fault. I should have been clearer. Standing up ain't the only way to get me to take this bat to you. Calling her a bitch will get us there, too. Did she even tell you what she did to me?
Raylan: She told me she put Henry Jr. in foster care after LPD found crystals of your meth mixed in with his G.I Joes. That's bullshit. That bi... Ms. Brander planted that sh1t to give her a reason to take him away.
Raylan: Are you saying you didn't cook meth? What I'm saying is I never brought that sh1t home. I'm a pro. She must have had it on her when she came by on her wellness check.
Raylan: And why was she checking wellness? Is that 'cause Jr.'s kindergarten teacher was concerned about his bruises? Well, that was his mama's fault. She got back on the pipe, she got all high-strung. She kicked it again after that, for a while. Then Henry got taken.
Raylan: And in your mind, is is all Alison's fault? She took three years away from me, sent my kid to live with strangers. Yeah, I blame her.
Raylan: She's not your problem, Henry. She didn't plant drugs in my house, change the course of my life?
Raylan: Whatever she did, she didn't do it to you. She did it 'cause she thought it was the best way to do her job. Now, I know you're hurting, but if you ever want to see Henry Jr. again, even just talking to him, you got to spend less time screwing up other people's lives and more fixing your own. Well, that's just perfect. Make one hell of a bumper sticker.
Raylan: You do what you want with your life... But you come near Alison again, best-case scenario, you end up in jail... And that's best-case. I missed you. Yeah? Really? [ Sighs ] I was only gone... what was it?... Two whole days? I know, but I thought they was gonna let you out in two hours.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah, well, that's the deal you get busted on the weekend. They got to hold you till the judge comes in on Monday. And they just expect me to get by without it all that time? [ Grunts ]
Maybe they thought you'd get one of them mandingos you grew up with to come and help you pass the time.
[ Sighs ] What did I tell you about that sh1t? Louisville's not that long a drive. [ Groans ]
I bet you make one phone call home, half the jimmies in Smoketown will be jumping in their escalades, racing to get to you first. I swear, I don't know why you have to be such an asshole sometimes.
[ Smooches ]
Did you offer him anything else? I don't even know who you mean.
[ Smooches ]
Your Smoketown Jimmy. [ Sighs ] Did you offer him some green to go along with the pink? Baby, if you're joking, I'm not. Man came to my house last night, drew the marshal that was staying there outside. Okay. So? So, you break into a house like mine, you either got to know how to bypass the maximum-security codes... Or you got to be able to draw the person standing there out. And you risk a thing like that, you'd better know there's something inside that's worth your while. And exactly how to get to it and to get it, all before the marshal has time... But... To come back in and close the door. [ Gasps ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Smooches ] [ Sighs ]
[ Gasps ] [ Straining ] Baby, I don't know what you're thinking. Doesn't matter what I'm thinking. What matters is I can't think of anyone but you... And me... Who knows where that gold's at. And such a betrayal. I didn't [ Muffled screaming ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Muffled growling ]
[ Panting ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Coughs ]
Duffy... [ Coughs ] Say what? Wasn't Duffy the one who put the safe in? [ Coughs ] Duffy. He didn't know what was in it. But he knew it was valuable enough that you needed a hidden safe. [ Sobbing ] Please, baby, I swear. [ Gasps ] Shh, shh, shh, shh. I swear. Hey, hey, hey. It's all right. I believe you. I just wish you'd been more cooperative in the first place instead of getting all argumentative. Would have saved us both a lot of trouble. [ Sighs ] I'm gonna need you to go in and get it for me.
Raylan: Were you not listening just now when I told you I went to see him, told him what would happen if he ever came back?
Rachel: The guy little miss sunshine planted meth on.
Raylan: What's that matter?
Rachel: You ask her about it?
Raylan: When have I had the time?
[ Doorbell rings ]
Rachel: What if she were a criminal?
Raylan: Alison?
She's not.
Rachel: Smokes weed in front of you, plants meth on an innocent man, but still she's a good girl?
Raylan: I wouldn't call Henry innocent, and none of that makes her a criminal.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Rachel: Let me rephrase the question. If she were a criminal, what would you do?
Raylan: What do you mean, "what would I do"? What do you think I would do?
Rachel: I don't know, Raylan. Way you've been managing your life lately, that's a question I've stopped asking.
So, are you gonna answer the door, or am I?
Raylan: Where are you going with all this?
Rachel: [ Sighs ] Guy gets you outside. Maybe he's giving his partner time to take whatever it is they came here for.
Raylan: You think Alison's trying to rip this place off?
Rachel: I think the fact that you won't even consider it means you're either lying to yourself, me, or both.
Raylan: Can we just, for a sec, stop talking about what a mess my life is and get back to talking about how you do not need to be here anymore? Oh. I don't know if y'all remember me.
Rachel: The maid, not the housekeeper. I'm supposed to check on the koi.
Rachel: Afraid they're gonna have to tough it out. If Mr. Monroe gets convicted, the government gets to come in and sell this place off and everything in it, right?
Rachel: You call him "mister"? So, how y'all bosses gonna feel if they miss out on 100,000 bucks 'cause you wouldn't let me check the ph?
Raylan: Hold up. That bunch of goldfish is worth $100,000?
Rachel: Do what you got to do. We'll be along in a sec.
Boyd: There are only three places in Harlan she's been known to stay... Audry's, her mama's, and her sister's, and she ain't worked at Audry's since Ava went away, so what's that mean? Her mama or her sister's.
Boyd: That's the reason why I got you on the payroll. You know who she's working for?
Boyd: I have a pretty good idea, but I need it confirmed, which means I need for you to take her alive. And I need nobody to know she's been took. Carl, I mean it... alive! Dewey Crowe, your timing has never been impeccable, and today is no exception.
Dewey: I need a word, Boyd.
Boyd: Well, it's gonna have to wait. I'm awful busy at the moment.
Dewey: No, it can't wait. You ripped me off!
Boyd: I did what, now?
Dewey: There's a restaurant in Corbin with full licenses listed for half what I paid for Audry's. Now, I can see how this 'pealing curb they got might hold the price down...
Boyd: Does this restaurant have blowjobs on the menu? Apples and oranges, son.
Dewey: You said I'd be making money hand over glove.
Boyd: Well, building a business takes time!
Dewey: The business you sold me was supposed to already be built! Now, I want $100,000, and I'm not leaving here without it. [ Gun cocks ] How about just $50,000? We can call it a loan. Well, I'll give you a-a cut of the take from Audry's. I got nowhere else to turn!
Boyd: You want to tell me what's really going on?
Dewey: My cousin's here from Florida.
Boyd: Well, that's a good thing. Family can be the perfect salve in difficult times.
Dewey: You don't understand. Cousin Darryl is difficult times. He wants Audry's, Boyd. I need him gone.
Boyd: Well, then, tell him to go!
Dewey: No, you don't know Darryl.
Boyd: No, but I know you. Now, Dewey Crowe, you stand before me today a newly minted small businessman on his way to being bona fide. After everything you've been through, I am proud of you, son. The only thing I know about your cousin Darryl is he doesn't know who he's related to.
[ Sighs ]
Boyd: Now, sometimes, being a man means you got to know when to put your foot down.
Well, put your foot down, Dewey Crowe!
[ Beeping ]
Raylan: Well, on second thought, I can see how someone would pay $100,000 for those. So, you want me to go back to Mr. Monroe and tell him that the safe was empty?
Raylan: That's right. Why?
Rachel: 'Cause we're telling you to.
I don't understand.
Rachel: You don't need to understand. Don't need to do it, either.
Raylan: Now, Gloria, that's where you're wrong. You do need to do it. Otherwise, you're going to jail. Mrs. Paxton called. She says she believes Crowder's been driving by her house. Guess she should have I.D'd him when she had the chance. I have a hard time with her accent, but it sounded to me like she wanted you, personal. sh1t. You're so worried about your safety, you should probably lock the front door before you shower.
Boyd: She's safe enough. You wanted a look. Keep on looking! [ Grunts ] Oh, yes! Look at me. The other night on the road, you shouldn't have done what you did to me. D-don't do anything crazy, now, Boyd. If you kill a sheriff, they're liable to hunt you down like a dog.
Boyd: Well, I'm hoping I don't have to kill you, Mooney. I'm hoping we can come to an agreement.
[ Gasps ]
Boyd: Now, the money I offered Paxton, how about that ends up under your mattress?
In exchange for what?
Boyd: Telling him you did as he asked, put a bullet in the back of my head. Oh, yeah. [ Grunts ] [ Breathing heavily ] Better just kill him. Y-y-y-y-you don't have to do that. I'll do anything you want. You can't trust his kind. He's only loyal as long as you have the gun.
Boyd: Aw, he's loyal as long as he knows he's playing for the winning team. So, how about it, Mooney? Boyd Crowder or Lee Paxton? Now, who you figure's gonna be the last man standing? Of course I'm sure. No, it was empty! Look, baby, I'm sorry, but your gold is gone. Well, all right. All right, I'll see you later. Be safe. [ Sighs ]
Raylan: What did he say? He said he's going to go kill Duffy.
Wynn: You're kidding. You want me to let him in?
Wynn: No, I want you to get back behind the wheel and see if we can outrun him. Yes. Let him in.
Raylan: [ Sighs ] I'm looking to have a private word.
Wynn: I hope you understand if that doesn't strike me as the fondest notion, given our recent history, marshal.
Raylan: I hoped you were the kind of man that chooses not to live in the past.
Wynn: Well, normally, I am. It's just that, you know, try to kill me once, shame on you...
Raylan: If I tried to kill you, you'd be dead. Besides, I'm here to protect you.
Wynn: Well, that's a refreshing change of pace. Mikey, give us a sec. Am I allowed to ask who you're protecting me from?
Raylan: Charles Monroe.
Wynn: Don't believe I know that name.
Raylan: I'm betting you do, seeing as he washed close to $3 million for you last couple years. Wynn: Isn't there an "allegedly" that goes along with that?
Raylan: At the moment, the only connection between you and Monroe that interests me is the one that's got him looking to put a bullet in your head.
Wynn: And which one is that?
Raylan: You installed a hidden safe in his office.
Wynn: Okay, let's say, for the sake of argument, that I do know a Mr. Monroe and that I did install a safe in his office. How does that lead to him wanting me dead?
Raylan: Come on, wynn. Why would anyone want to kill the guy that put in their security?
Wynn: Charlie got robbed?
Raylan: He believes he did.
Wynn: And... Why?
Raylan: Well, I don't want to bore you with the details. Basically, I led him to believe it.
Wynn: So... You're protecting me from a situation you created?
Raylan: I can see how you'd see it that way, if you want to focus on the negative.
[ Gunshots ]
Rachel: Drop it!
Get on the ground! Hands in the air!
Raylan: You okay?
Rachel: Fine. He pulled and shot before I cleared my holster. I had no choice. He drew down on me.
Wynn: Gun's legal. He's licensed to carry concealed.
Raylan: He ain't got license to shoot people. Guess I didn't think you had it in you.
Wynn: Mikey? Mikey's a stone killer. Why do you think I keep him around? You promised Mooney the same money you promised me.
Boyd: That bother you? It would if I thought you intend to pay him.
Boyd: I just need a little time. How much time does it take to kill an old man? You already did most of the job.
Boyd: That was an overreaction. You see, your husband swore out a statement about what my Ava did, so if he dies, that statement still lives, so either I need to make him change his testimony, or I need to make him out a liar. He is the pillar of the community... or so he says.
Boyd: That's why I need a little time. He will need proof, you know. He won't take the sheriff's word that you're dead.
Boyd: Well, I would say that Mooney can bring him my head. But on most days, that's my best asset.
[ Laughs ]
You have tattoos?
Boyd: A few. Show me.
Boyd: That was from a long time ago. On my street, growing up, there were old men who killed Nazis... And old men who were Nazis. Is it from prison?
Boyd: A place called Elkton. Mm. Same in Russian prison. Your tattoos tell your story.
Boyd: You have cold hands, miss Mara. My mother used to say, "cold hands, strong body."
Boyd: And I'm not quite sure I see the connection. She meant that when you live in a place that is so cold your body can't heat all of itself, so it learns that there are parts you must keep warm... And parts that can do without. Would you give up your arm?
Boyd: Well, no disrespect to your mama, but... A one-armed criminal... she was a survivor. I think you know something about this, as well. What about your hand? We'll put this tattoo on a dead man's hand.
[ Sighs ]
Boyd: You have a dead man lying around somewhere, miss Mara?
[ Chuckles ] Of course. My husband owns a funeral home. What about you?
Boyd: What about me what? Can you find a dead man? Can you find more than one?
[ Chuckles ]
Alison: So, you finally have the place to yourself, huh?
Raylan: No more threat, no more need for backup.
Alison: What will happen to the gold?
Raylan: Sit in a warehouse till Monroe gets convicted. Then we'll auction it.
Alison: I thought you said it was likely he wouldn't get convicted.
Raylan: That was before.
Charges we got on him now... kidnapping, attempted murder, so forth. He's got a lot of barbed wire in his future.
Alison: Mm. All 'cause he didn't believe his girlfriend was telling the truth.
Raylan: She's his maid.
Alison: Gets me thinking how you see me.
Raylan: Worried I'll see you as my maid or as my girlfriend?
Alison: This whole time, you never once wondered if I was part of it?
Raylan: Were you?
Alison: Part of you wish I'd been? You tend to get involved with women who run afoul of the law?
Raylan: It's happened once or twice. I wouldn't call it a tendency.
Alison: What would you call it?
Raylan: Tell you the truth, left to my own devices, I'd probably never think about it.
Alison: Mm. Never can be sure.
Raylan: Of what?
Alison: That I wasn't... In on it.
Raylan: I guess that's right.
Alison: Kind of like how now you know there's one hidden treasure in this place... You'll never be certain there aren't others.
Raylan: Stands to reason.
Alison: Anyway, can't hurt to look.
Raylan: Any suggestions where I might start?
Alison: [ Moans ] [ Sighs ] One or two.
Dewey: Messer! What the hell's going on? Messer!
Darryl: Hey, Dewey.
Dewey: Where is everybody?
Darryl: Man, I sent everyone home, man. Closed up.
Dewey: What did you do that for?!
Darryl: You get the money from Boyd?
Dewey: Well, if I did, you still ain't getting a cent. Yeah, that's what I came to tell you. You're hitting the road, cousin. This here's my whorehouse. My dream. And you ain't any part of it.
Darryl: [ Laughing ] Oh, sh1t, Dewey. Okay. All right, Dewey. Don't take no sh1t from nobody. I like that. Before I go, you want me to tell you why what should be a gold mine is bringing back such itty-bitty returns?
Dewey: Oh, I got a leaky water pipe or something?
Darryl: Or something. Well, come look for yourself. There he is. Yeah.
Dewey: What the hell?
Darryl: Yeah, take him out.
[ Grunts ]
Darryl: Yeah.
See, here it is. See that? See your cousin Danny, see here Jean Baptiste... he's Haitian. Your cousin Kendal's racked up in one of them trailers. You know how teenagers be.
Dewey: Why did you do that to Messer?
Darryl: Well, let him tell you himself. Hey, man. Hey! You got something to say to my cousin?
[ Grunts, mumbles ] [ Coughs ]
Dewey: Speak up. [ Coughs ]
I've been... Skimming, Dewey. I'm awful sorry.
Darryl: Now tell him how much. Well, you should be making almost three grand a week...
Darryl: Mm! ...After expenses.
Dewey: You son of a bitch!
Danny: Hey! Dewey! Hey, hey, hey.
Dewey: You piece of sh1t!
Darryl: Now tell him why. Boyd... Boyd put me up to it! He gave me no choice.
Darryl: Hold on! Hey! I wanted like hell to tell you. I felt awful bad about it. I'm sorry.
Darryl: It hurts. It hurts real good. I know that pain. I know it hurts. Just breathe. You see, all the answers to your questions, right from the piggy's mouth, right? Only question now is how do you get rid of bodies around here, huh? Back home, we just feed 'em to the gators.
Dewey: H-hold on. What? You're gonna kill him?
Darryl: No, Dewey. He didn't steal from me. You are.
[ Grunting ]
Boyd: Anybody see you? Didn't go in till her mama left for the bingo.
Boyd: Open it.
[ Whimpering ] [ Gasps ]
Boyd: Take it off. [ Whimpering ]
Boyd: Where is he? [ Shakily ] I-I don't know.
I swear to God. I swear. Um, he called... And he said he would pay me if... if I found out when the drugs were coming in, so I found out.
Boyd: And you called him back. [ Sniffles ]
Boyd: She got a cellphone on her?
[ Sniffles ]
Boyd: He filed under his first or last name?
First. [ Beep ]
[ Ringing ] [ Whimpers ]
Johnny: Hey, darling.
Boyd: Hello, cousin Johnny. | Plan: A: Raylan; Q: Who is king for a day in the seized mansion of a notorious mob accountant? A: the Harlan heroin market; Q: Boyd tries to regain his stranglehold on what? Summary: Raylan is king for a day in the seized mansion of a notorious mob accountant, while Boyd tries to regain his stranglehold on the Harlan heroin market. |
"Independence Day" 15th Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 1ADA14
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Maria and Liz are talking in a hallway at school)
Liz: I don't even know how to explain it, Maria, but listen. Are you listening to me?
Maria: I'm listening.
Liz: When Max kissed me, it was like, I don't know. Ok, it was like I saw things, all right? I...I could like, feel the universe...
Maria: Ok, ok, stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Liz: What?
Maria: All right. I have just the thing for you, all right? Open your mouth.
Liz: What?
Maria: Just open your mouth, ok?
Liz: Ok, fine. Oh, that...that's really gross. What is it?
Maria: What is it? It's grief relief.
Liz: What?
Maria: I got it at my mother's shop. It's this herbal remedy that shocks the body back into reality when the mind's gone into overload. Veterinarians use it to calm wild animals.
Liz: Oh, well that...that's great.
Maria: Here, you can have this, and any time you feel yourself spiraling out of control, put 4 drops under your tongue, ok?
Liz: Ok.
Maria: Now would be a good time.
(Max walks towards Liz)
Liz: Hey.
Max: Hi. What's that?
Liz: Oh, um, it...it's nothing. You know, Max, the other night, when...when we kissed, I, um...
Max: Yeah.
(Isabel walks up to Liz and Max)
Isabel: Hey. Something's up with Michael. He's acting weird.
Max: Weirder than usual?
Isabel: Yeah, no, I just saw him at the other end of the hall, and he just went the other way.
Max: Well, maybe he didn't see you.
Isabel: No, he was ignoring me. He practically ran into the bathroom. Will you just go in there and see what's going on?
Max: Right.
Isabel: Thank you.
Max: I'll see you later. Sorry.
Liz: It's ok.
(Max goes into the boys bathroom, where Michael is trying to avoid face contact with Max)
Max: Hey, Michael. You all right?
Michael: Yeah, I'm fine.
Max: 'Cause, uh, Isabel thought...
Michael: Can't a guy get some privacy?
(The class bell rings)
Max: I'll wait.
Michael: Max, just get outta here.
Max: You can't stay in there all day.
Michael: Max, I'm serious. Just leave me alone. I'll be out in a second.
Max: Fine.
(Max walks over to the door, pushes it open, and lets it close by itself. He then waits for Michael to come out of the stall and is immediately concerned when he sees Michael's black eye)
(Opening credits)
(Max and Michael are discussing Michael's black eye by some train tracks)
Max: How did it happen?
Michael: He was drunk.
Max: Hank? Has it happened before?
Michael: Couple times. This was the worst, though. Never left a mark.
Max: Michael...
Michael: Don't. I don't want you feeling sorry for me. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me.
Max: Everyone's gonna ask.
Michael: Not if it's gone. Fix it. Please. I tried, but I...
Max: And what about the next one?
Michael: There won't be a next one.
Max: Michael, you don't have to protect him. He's not even your real father.
Michael: No kidding.
(Max restores Michael's skin, taking away the black eye)
Michael: I don't want anyone else to know about this.
Max: Michael, you can't just...
Michael: Maxwell, it's between you and me.
(Maria is giving Liz some advice at the Crashdown)
Maria: You and me, Liz. We've got to stick together. All right? Hold our ground. No matter how much they try to charm us, they are like a drug, and we have to just say no.
Liz: Maria, I try and stay away, but I...I can't help myself.
(Max walks into the Crashdown and looks around for Liz)
Liz: He obviously feels the same way.
Maria: Ok. Do you remember that commercial? When the girl takes the pan and bashes up the kitchen? Ok. This is your brain on Max.
Amy: Hi, girls! I have pies.
Liz: Wow, that's a lot of pies!
Amy: Yes! I have chocolate, banana, rhubarb, strawberry, and coconut.
Sheriff: Did I hear someone say coconut? How'd you know that was my very favorite?
(Amy chuckles)
Maria: Excuse me while I go and throw up.
Amy: I only made one. Sorry.
Sheriff: That's a shame, cuz that looks awful good, and so do you, Amy.
Amy: Oh, well. I'd make you another one, but it'd probably just go to waste, considering on our last 2 outings you didn't really make it to dessert.
Sheriff: Ah. Work called.
Amy: Mmm. Yes, but see, when I make a pie for someone, I expect it to get eaten.
Sheriff: Well, how about this evening, then? I'll tell you what, Amy. If you make it, I'll eat it.
Amy: Hmm. Fine. Just remember, Jim, in this state we have a 3 strikes law now.
Sheriff: Yes, ma'am.
(Max and Isabel sit at a table and discuss Michael)
Isabel: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Max: Calm down, Isabel. I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone.
Isabel: Then why did you tell me?
Max: Cuz I'm worried about him. I don't...I don't know what to do.
Isabel: Ok, Max, you can't just tell me something like that and expect me to do nothing.
(Michael comes in and overhears the last part of what Isabel says to Max)
Amy: Ooh! My favorite little wrestler!
Michael: Hey.
Max: Hey.
Isabel: Hey.
(Michael looks at Max and Isabel for awhile, his eyes probing the looks on their faces)
Michael: You told her.
(Michael gets up and starts to leave)
Isabel: Michael!
Isabel: What are you gonna do? Pretend it didn't happen? You have to do something.
Michael: Like what?
Isabel: Tell someone. Report him.
Michael: Yeah, who? Valenti? Yeah, that'd be a smart idea, wouldn't it?
Isabel: Max told me this has happened before.
Max: Look, I'm sorry, but I had to tell her.
Michael: Look, everybody's got problems. If it wasn't this, it'd be another thing. I'm a big boy. I can handle it.
Isabel: Maybe you could talk to my dad. He's a lawyer. He could help. He once told me about this...this case he had where he helped a minor get permission to live on his own.
Michael: Forget it, Iz. The last thing we need is for me to go to the courts and bring all this attention to us.
Isabel: Well, if he hurts you again, Michael...
Michael: He won't.
Isabel: You could use your powers.
Michael: I had to stop myself last night. I can't control my powers like you and Max. You guys know that. Especially in the state of mind I'm in. If I did anything, I'd probably kill him.
Isabel: Well, all I know is you can't go back there. So stay with us. At least until Hank calms down.
Michael: Fine, if it's gonna shut you up.
(Michael leaves)
Max: How are we gonna explain this to mom and dad?
Isabel: I'll think of something.
Max: Are you sure this is a good idea?
Isabel: Yeah. In fact, I think it would be good for Michael to be part of the family.
(At the Evans home, everyone is seated at the table for dinner. Michael starts helping himself to all the dishes, giving himself 2nds before anyone else has touched the dishes)
Isabel: Michael, we usually wait till everybody's sitting before serving ourselves.
Michael: Why?
Isabel: It's polite.
Diane: Mm-kay! Who wants some of my famous green bean delight?
Max: Mmm. Sounds good.
Diane: Michael?
Michael: Well, I really don't see any beans in here.
Diane: Oh, they're in there. They're chopped into the cream of mushroom soup.
Michael: I don't know. Looks kinda...
Isabel: It's delicious. You should try some, really.
Michael: I don't want to. Thank you.
Diane: So, Michael, how long is your father away?
Isabel: Oh, just a couple of days, actually.
Phillip: What does your dad do again, Michael?
Michael: He's not my dad. He's my foster father.
Isabel: Actually, he's in, um, marketing.
Phillip: Isabel, are you gonna let Michael answer a question?
Diane: You know, in all the years you've been friends with Max and Izzy, I don't think we've ever met him.
Michael: No great loss.
Isabel: Well, um, what Michael means is that, um...
Phillip: Why don't you let Michael tell us what he means?
Michael: I didn't mean anything.
(Liz and Maria go to Maria's house to study)
Liz: Oh, I am so wiped out. I don't know if I'm good for any studying tonight.
Maria: Here. Sugar rush. Always works for me.
Liz: Ok.
(Liz looks around and spots a half-eaten coconut pie)
Liz: Maria.
(Maria walks around and accidentally sits on Sheriff Valenti's hat)
Maria: Huh!
(Liz and Maria look around the room and hear muffled laughing)
Liz: Oh, my God!
Maria: I know, come on.
(Liz and Maria tiptoe back to the front door and open and close it)
Maria: Mom! I'm home!
(Amy appears from the bedroom looking a bit disheveled)
Amy: Hi, girls! Uh...what are you doing home so early?
Maria: It's 10:30.
Amy: Oh, my God! I must have lost track of time. Uh, you want some pie?
Maria: No, no.
Liz: No, thank you.
Maria: Um. Uh, we...we're...we're gonna go in my room and study, and you should go to sleep, cuz you've got a really big day tomorrow.
Amy: I will.
Maria: Soon?
Amy: Very.
Maria: Alone?
Amy: Of course! I'll be right there.
(Sheriff Valenti walks out and his clothes are quite ruffled)
Amy: Uh, right after I say good night to the sheriff.
Sheriff: Evening, girls.
Liz: Hi, sheriff.
(At the Evans home, everyone is playing Monopoly together)
Isabel: All right. As long as I'm back on Park Place, I think I'll buy a hotel.
Phillip: Ho, oh, you're killing us here, Isabel.
Max: She's ruthless. You gotta watch out for her.
Phillip: Man, oh, man!
Diane: Ok, let's regroup. Uh, it's Michael. Your turn.
(Michael rolls the dice and lands on a property owned by Mr. Evans)
Phillip: Ok. Ah! Let's see. Atlantic Avenue with 4 houses. That's 975 you owe.
Diane: Ohh! Ouch. Ouch, ouch. Wow, a lot.
Michael: How about I just catch you next time around?
Phillip: You'll catch me on the next time around?
Diane: That's a new rule.
Max: Michael, we...we usually pay on arrival.
Isabel: That's ok, I'll lend it to him.
Phillip: Oh, Isabel, no. No lending except from the bank. Uh, but he doesn't have any houses to mortgage, so...
Michael: Just rub it in, huh?
Phillip: I...I'm not trying to rub it in, Michael.
Michael: What's the big deal? Why can't she just lend me money? It's a game.
Phillip: Well, the deal is, in this house, we play by the rules.
Michael: Well, I don't want to play anymore.
(Michael gets up from the table and starts to leave)
Diane: Michael, wait.
Isabel: Michael. Michael! You didn't have to be so rude to my dad.
Michael: Rude? He was sticking it to me for no reason.
Isabel: It was a game!
Michael: He doesn't like me.
Isabel: He doesn't know you.
Michael: I don't want him to know me.
Isabel: He could help you. You just have to speak up and tell him the truth.
Michael: And what, be a poster child for domestic abuse? It's not gonna happen.
Isabel: You have to do something, Michael. Please don't just pretend it didn't happen. Please.
Michael: See ya.
(Michael walks off)
Max: He's not easy, Isabel. Never has been.
Isabel: I know that.
Max: You can't push him like that.
Isabel: He was acting like a child.
Max: Maybe. And maybe you need to stop treating him like one. He can't make up for in one night what he's never had in a lifetime.
Isabel: I'm really scared for him, Max.
(Michael goes back to Hank's trailer)
Hank: Where the hell have you been?
(Michael goes to his room and closes the door, lies down on his bed, and sighs)
(Maria's mom knocks on Maria's door and enters)
Amy: Maria. I need to ask you for some space. I can't feel like you're judging me all the time.
Maria: I'm just trying to look out for you, mom.
Amy: What are you so worried about?
Maria: I just don't want you to rush into anything.
Amy: Anything? Or Jim Valenti?
Maria: I don't trust him, okay, and I don't want him to use you. So...
Amy: What would he be using me for?
Maria: Well, for the same thing all men want.
Amy: Right. Maria, there are like 3 single guys in all of Roswell and 2 of them live in the Desert Inn retirement community. Ok? Jim is a nice guy. He has a good job, he's responsible, and he's fun.
Maria: He's a cop. And you're a hippie.
Amy: Well, opposites attract. I don't know.
Maria: The man's got a lot of baggage, mom. He's been married once.
Amy: Who hasn't been these days?
Maria: No, but he's that type, you know? That guy, that tough guy who, like, can't open up, or admit he has emotions or, you know, admit that he needs you, you know? Those are the most dangerous of them all, I promise.
Amy: Don't worry, honey. Michael will come around.
Maria: Mich...what?!? Michael, I was not...I didn't say one thing about Michael.
Amy: Sure you didn't.
Maria: I meant hypothetically.
Amy: Whatever, honey.
Maria: Just...just take it slow, all right? Once they get physical, you know, once they get what they want, they disappear.
Amy: I hope you're not talking from experience.
Maria: Just yours.
Amy: Oh.
(At Hank's trailer, Hank is arguing with Michael)
Hank: Told you to do the wash.
Michael: I'll do it later.
Hank: Today.
Michael: I'm not your maid.
Hank: Oh, you're right. You're good for nothing. Do the wash now.
Michael: Go to hell, Hank.
Hank: No wonder your parents left you out in the desert. Who'd want ya?
Michael: Who are you, father of the year? You're a man who keeps me around just to collect the monthly check!
(Max enters the trailer followed closely by Isabel)
Michael: What are you guys doing here?
Isabel: We heard some yelling.
Max: What's going on?
Michael: Just get out, all right?
Hank: Well, hello, dolly.
Michael: Shut up, Hank.
Hank: Yeah. Wanna have a drink with me?
Michael: She doesn't want a drink.
Hank: Who the hell are you, her lawyer?
Michael: Leave her alone, Hank, all right?
Hank: I asked her a question. I'm waiting for her answer.
Isabel: Here's your answer.
(Isabel throws Hank's drink all over him)
Isabel: If you ever touch Michael again, I will kill you!
(Hank grabs his gun and points it at Max)
Hank: You're gonna kill me? I don't think so!
Max: Just take it easy. We're going.
(Michael steps towards Hank and unleashes his power towards Hank. A chair moves across the room and slams into a wall, shattering it to pieces. The refrigerator doors open and close. Hank's gun starts to have a mind of its own, pointing in different directions and discharges)
Hank: What the hell?!? Oh, you little b*st*rd. You're a freak. I always knew it. You're a freak!
Max: Michael, let's go.
Isabel: Michael, we have to go. Now! Michael!
(Max, Isabel, and Michael run off, leaving Hank dazed)
Michael: Congratulations, you made it worse. Now he knows.
Isabel: Michael, Hank was so drunk, he's not gonna know what he saw and he sure as hell isn't gonna remember it in the morning.
Michael: Isabel, I can't go back there.
Isabel: Good.
Michael: You just don't get it, do you? I know Hank's a jerk, but that's the only thing I had, and now you guys screwed that up for good.
Max: Look, just come back with us for now.
Michael: Max, for how long? I mean, 2 days, 3 days...what's that gonna do? I...
Max: We'll figure something out.
Michael: Max, I don't belong there. I don't belong there, I don't belong here, I don't belong anywhere.
Isabel: Michael, we understand why...
Michael: No, you don't. Isabel, you don't understand.
Isabel: So you got a raw deal, no one's saying that you didn't. But, God, Michael, you finally have a chance to change it. Would it kill you to ask for help, just once in your life?
Michael: Yeah, you know what? It would.
Max: Where are you going?
Michael: Doesn't matter.
Isabel: Michael, wait.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Maria is combing her hair. She goes to the window and looks outside and sees Michael standing in the rain. She thinks she's probably hallucinating so she takes some "grief relief", looks up, and sees Michael still standing there. Michael walks over to her window)
Maria: What are you doing out there? No, you can't come in. No. I know why you're here. All right, I know what your plan is, I know what you want, but it's not gonna work this time, mister, ok, no matter what you say. My answer is no. No, no, no, no, no.
(Maria has let Michael come in and he is dripping wet and shivering)
Maria: God, you could get pneumonia. Here, take your shirt off. Hold on. You're shivering.
(Maria wipes away a tear from Michael's cheeks)
Maria: Come here. Shh, it's ok. You don't have to tell me, it's ok.
(Michael starts to cry as Maria hugs him closely)
(It's morning, and Maria's mom is waking Maria up so she won't be late for school)
Amy: Oh, Maria, honey, you're gonna be late.
(Maria's mom suddenly panics when she sees Maria sleeping with Michael)
Amy: Oh, my God!
Maria: Oh! Mom...
(Maria's mom stops bopping Michael on the head)
Amy: Get out! Get out of this bed! Out of this bed! Out!
Michael: Take it easy.
Amy: Get outta my house!
(Michael makes a quick exit)
Maria: Wait! Mom! Mom! Mom...
Amy: Maria! Kitchen, now!
(Maria is sitting on a chair and her mom is pacing around the kitchen)
Amy: My baby girl's having s*x.
Maria: I am not having s*x.
Amy: Then what exactly did you do?
Maria: Nothing. We just slept.
Amy: Yeah. I know that one. I've used that one.
Maria: You act like I have no self-control.
Amy: Oh, yes, because teenagers are known for self-control. Especially teenage boys.
Maria: Michael is not like that, ok? Well, sometimes he is, but...
Amy: What?!?
Maria: But not last night, all right? He was upset about something. I don't know what he was upset about, but s*x was like the last thing on his mind.
Amy: Oh, thank you. There is a God.
Maria: That's why I let him stay.
Amy: Oh, yeah, and what exactly were you thinking letting him stay here, young lady? And besides, why is it ok for you and not ok for me?
Maria: I'm 16...
Amy: Yes, you are 16-years-old, and no 16-year-old daughter of mine is gonna have sleep-overs with boys, got that?
Maria: Whatever.
Amy: No, not "whatever". Maria, as you so subtly pointed out last night, my history with men has pretty much been a train wreck. And I don't want you to make the same mistakes. Now, I can't go back and change my life, but I will be damned if I watch yours go down the same way. I love you too much.
(In class, an exam is going on. Someone knocks on the door asking for Michael)
Teacher: Michael.
(Michael gets up and leaves with the man)
(Michael is sitting in Sheriff Valenti's office)
Sheriff: Neighbors heard gunshots.
Michael: I don't know anything about that.
Sheriff: But you were there last night?
Michael: Went home to get some stuff.
Sheriff: What time was that?
Michael: Um...does it matter?
Sheriff: You were the last person to see him.
Michael: What do you mean, I was "the last person to see him"?
Sheriff: I called the plant. He never showed up for work.
Michael: Maybe he's passed out somewhere. I don't keep track of him.
Sheriff: Neighbors also said they heard an argument. And then, later, more sounds. Screaming. Crying. Tortured sounds, like an animal. Almost inhuman, they said.
Michael: What are you talking about?
Sheriff: Where were you, son?
Michael: Out.
(Liz and Maria are talking at the Crashdown)
Liz: You know, what you said really made sense, and I've been sticking to it. And you would be so proud of me. I mean, just last night even, I said it really clearly. No. Of course, Max wasn't there...but when he is there, I'll be ready for him. Are you even listening to me?
Maria: Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.
Liz: What's wrong?
Maria: Oh...well...
(Isabel walks into the Crashdown)
Isabel: Have you guys seen Michael?
Maria: Maybe.
Isabel: Come on, Maria, you have to tell me. It's really important.
Maria: Well, if it's that important, then you tell me. I'm worried about him, too.
Isabel: I can't.
Maria: Ditto.
Isabel: All right. Michael's in trouble.
Liz: What...what kind of trouble?
Isabel: It's Hank. He's, um...he's been hurting him, and Max and I are trying to help.
Maria: Oh, my God, Isabel.
Isabel: Michael made us promise not to say anything.
Maria: He was with me last night. All night.
Liz: What? He spent the night, Maria? What happened to "no"?
Maria: He never told me what was wrong. We just slept. And then...in the morning, my mom came in, and he took off, and I haven't seen him since.
(Max walks in and walks up to Isabel)
Max: Valenti's got Michael.
Isabel: Why?
Max: Hank's gone, and they think he had something to do with it.
(Maria is waiting for her mom as she comes home singing a song)
Amy: And she said...
Maria: Hi. Um, you know the boy that I slept-but-didn't-sleep with?
Amy: Unfortunately, the shock has indelibly printed his face on my brain.
Maria: He's in jail.
Amy: Oh, this just gets better and better, doesn't it?
Maria: He didn't do anything, ok? Your good friend, Sheriff Valenti, is holding him because he can't explain his whereabouts last night. And personally, I think it was very noble of him to protect my dignity.
Amy: Oh, yeah. How very Bonnie and Clyde of him.
Maria: Anyway, since the Sheriff seems to like you so much, I thought maybe you could tell him where Michael really was.
Amy: Well, I could.
Maria: Mom, I know maybe he didn't make the best impression on you this morning...
Amy: No, Maria, this has nothing to do with him. This is about you and me. I need to be able to trust you.
Maria: Then trust me. I swear to you, he's a good guy, and he's in trouble. I wouldn't ask you otherwise.
(At the Sheriff station, Maria's mom has explained what happend to the Sheriff and he lets Michael go)
Amy: Wait for me outside.
(Amy turns to the Sheriff as Michael and Maria walk out)
Amy: I appreciate you doing this.
Sheriff: No problem.
Amy: I'm telling you the truth, Jim.
Sheriff: Well, if you say he was at your house, then he was at your house.
Amy: But you wouldn't have believed Maria?
Sheriff: Well, she's 16. She'll say anything to protect her boyfriend.
Amy: But she's not just any 16-year-old...she's my daughter.
Sheriff: Amy, I'm just doing my job.
Amy: Yeah, but it seems that your job keeps coming between us.
Sheriff: Where's this coming from?
Amy: I like you, Jim...you know I do. But Maria's at that stage now, and you know that stage.
Sheriff: That I do.
Amy: And I...I have to keep an eye on things. I can't get distracted, and you're a distraction.
Sheriff: Well, then, don't give me up.
(Michael meets up with Max and Isabel)
Max: So, everything's ok?
Michael: Oh, yeah, great.
Isabel: Michael, about Hank being missing, you didn't...you didn't do anything to him, did you?
Michael: No. What...you thought...
Isabel: No no.
Max: So, what did Valenti say?
Michael: Well, he said he was gonna find me a new foster situation. Not a home. Situation.
Max: I'm sure he meant...
Michael: No matter what home I get, it's a substitute for the real one.
Max: Michael, you can't just run away.
Michael: Watch me.
Isabel: Where are you supposed to go?
Michael: Anywhere but here. You two can stay in your nice little world with your pot roast and your monopoly games, cuz it's pretty clear to me you're not interested in finding our real home. But I'm going to. I'm gonna find Nasedo. He's my family.
Isabel: And what are we? You want to know what I think, Michael? I think it's time you either put up or shut up.
Michael: Very poetic, Isabel.
Isabel: You act like a 5-year-old. When are you going to grow up and stop blaming everybody else?
Michael: Is that what you think, Max?
Max: I think it's not safe out there. I think Nasedo is dangerous, Michael.
Michael: You don't know that.
Max: You heard what Hubble said. He's a killer, a shape-shifter, and he's out there. He could be anyone. Now, we need to stick together now more than ever.
Michael: You're wrong, Max.
Isabel: Go on and run, Michael, it's what you do best.
(Liz is watching the stars with her telescope on her roof when Max stops by)
Max: Liz, I'm sorry. I...
Liz: No. It's ok.
Max: I know we've been needing to talk.
Liz: Yeah, there's...there's some more important things to talk about though, and...I heard about Michael. Are you ok?
Max: Not really. I've just never seen him so upset. I have this weird feeling that...he's just gonna leave without even saying goodbye.
Liz: You know, maybe, because if he did...he wouldn't be able to go through with it.
Max: I can't lose him.
(Isabel is in her room rummaging through Nasedo's stones)
Isabel: I thought I locked that door.
Max: Uh, yeah. Yeah, you did. What're you doing?
Isabel: You see this? This is all I know about who we are. These stones that River Dog gave us at the cave when Michael was sick. They're the only thing we have from the place we came from. It was the first time I realized we had a home somewhere...a real place. They don't mean anything...not without Michael.
(Max goes to the trailer park in search of Michael and walks in on him as he's packing)
Max: Packing?
Michael: You could call it that. Everything I have fits in this bag.
Max: You have me. You have Isabel.
Michael: Say goodbye, Max.
Max: I can't.
Michael: We'll keep in touch, all right?
Max: It's not good enough.
Michael: Well, it's gonna have to be, all right? So say goodbye.
Max: I can't.
Michael: Max...
Max: I know what you're scared of, Michael.
Michael: No, you don't.
Max: You keep telling me how lucky I am...to have a great home, great parents. But in one way, it's harder for me, because when I screw up, I have no excuses. But you, you can do and say anything you want because you have Hank, and you can blame it on that. But what happens without him? It'll all be on you, that's what.
Michael: Well, leave it up to me to still screw it up, huh?
Max: It's ok, Michael, because if you do, we'll all still be there for you. Maybe you have to start thinking about someone other than yourself, Michael. The 3 of us belong together. There's a reason that we're together. We're family. So, go if you want to, but no matter where or how far, we will always be connected. Isabel and I wanted you to have this. It means nothing without you.
Michael: See ya.
(Michael takes off)
(Michael is at the side of the road trying to hitch a ride and a guy driving a pickup truck finally stops for him)
Driver: What a joke.
Michael: Huh?
Driver: Roswell. Wouldn't bother, but it's on my southwest route. Sell a lot of soda in these tourist towns.
Michael: Yeah, right.
Driver: I don't know why in the hell they come here. Aliens, I guess.
(Michael opens the pouch that Max and Isabel gave him and the stones fall into his open hand. He moves them around in his hand for a little while, thinking of their significance)
Trucker: Ain't no aliens in that town. Let me ask you something. If you were an alien, you can go anywhere in the world, would you pick Roswell?
Trucker: Trust me, there ain't nothing in that town.
(Michael starts seeing the flashbacks that he saw during the balance ceremony, of him and Max and Isabel together)
(It's morning in the Evans household and Isabel comes down to the kitchen to find Michael making breakfast)
Isabel: What are you doing?
Michael: Making an omelette. What does it look like?
Isabel: I didn't know you could cook.
Michael: Yeah, well, uh, there's a lot you don't know about me.
Isabel: Yeah. You're full of surprises.
Michael: Yup.
Isabel: Thanks.
(Mr. Evans comes into the kitchen)
Michael: Good morning.
Phillip: Hello, Michael.
Michael: I thought I'd cook breakfast for the family.
(Mrs. Evans comes into the kitchen)
Diane: Ah. Well, well...what's going on here?
Phillip: Uh, Michael is making breakfast for everyone.
Diane: Hmm. Looks good.
Michael: Uh, there's another thing, sir...
Phillip: Yeah?
Michael: Uh...I was wondering if you could help me. Uh, I wanna...I wanna find a way to live on my own, and I was told that it could be done.
Phillip: It's complicated. You'd have to file a petition for emancipation...go before a judge.
Michael: You know, I'll do whatever it takes. I've thought about it, and I want to take control of things. And I think I'm ready to do that now, so...
Phillip: Why don't you come by my office this afternoon and we'll talk. I'd like to know more about your situation.
Michael: Yeah, this afternoon then.
(Max and Isabel are standing in a judge's inner chambers, looking on as Michael and Mr. Evans present a petition for emancipation to the judge)
Judge: And does the minor, Michael Guerin, pledge to take charge of his life as an adult from here forward?
Michael: I do, your honor.
Judge: And do you understand that you will be solely responsible for your financial, educational, and medical decisions as they may arise?
Michael: I do, sir.
Judge: And I might add, young man, that you are fortunate in having these folks here today...who have an interest in your future...and have shown a confidence in you that is reflected in my decision. I hope you can live up to that faith.
Michael: I'll try, your honor.
Judge: I hereby grant your petition for emancipation.
(At the Sheriff station, Hank walks into the Sheriff's office)
Hank: Heh heh heh. I heard you put out an APB?
Sheriff: You heard right.
Hank: Heh heh heh heh. Here I am.
Sheriff: In all your glory.
Hank: So, you can call off the hounds.
Sheriff: Where you been, Hank?
Hank: Down in Carlsbad. Landed in a bar. Met a lady. What can I say?
Sheriff: You wanna tell me about the gunshots?
Hank: Oh, uh, well...never clean a gun while you've been drinking.
Sheriff: Uh-huh.
Hank: Anyway, got an offer from a plant over in Las Cruzes. My lease is up next week, so...I'm hitchin' up the trailer and I'm gone. Thing is, I'm goin' alone...so if I need to sign some papers about that boy, or anything...
Sheriff: Won't be necessary.
Hank: Oh?
Sheriff: And Hank...make it soon.
Hank: Aw, don't worry, Sheriff. I'm already gone.
(We see Hank driving at night. He drives up to a tree and walks behind to the trunk. There, we see the real Hank who has been dead for some time. Nasedo drags out Hank's body and buries it. He then goes back into the car and he uses his power to shapeshift into someone else. He eats some pills, and the scene fades out as he drives off into the night) | Plan: A: Maria; Q: Who enters Liz in a blind date contest? A: Kyle; Q: Along with Max, who gets drunk to discuss their feelings for Liz? A: a signal; Q: What do Michael and Isabel send to the fourth alien? A: the episode; Q: What does Nasedo appear in? Summary: Maria enters Liz in a blind date contest; Max and Kyle commiserate about their shared feelings for Liz by getting drunk; Michael and Isabel send a signal to the fourth alien which they think fails and leaves. But right as the episode ends we see Nasedo. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Rebekah: Hello, Nik.
Klaus: (gapes at her, clearly shocked, but eventually smiles) Rebekah.
Freya: You know who I am.
Rebekah: Freya.
Freya: Tell our brothers I'll be coming to see them soon.
Mary: Do you renounce your Alpha status?
Hayley: These attacks, they're only gonna get worse. We need to get married as soon as possible.
Finn: I curse you to this body, a meaningless, lonely death.
Elijah: Niklaus.
Klaus (on phone): Finn knows about Hope, about everything. He is on his way.
(Gas hissing)
Elijah: Gas has pervaded every single room in this home. Good-bye, brother.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ BACK ROADS OF ARKANSAS ]
(It is night time now, and Cami and Hope are speeding down the road in the SUV. Hope is crying, and Cami turns back to comfort her. Cami looks panicked)
Cami: (anxious) It's okay, sweet girl. I just need to find a pay phone.
(Cami finally finds a run-down auto garage and pulls in. There is a car with its hood popped in the parking lot, but otherwise it is completely deserted. Once the car is parked, Cami gets out and rushes over to pick up the still-crying Hope from the back seat before they head toward the pay phone. After a moment, Cami trips and accidentally drops all of her change onto the ground)
Cami: (frustrated) Damn it! (Hope starts to cry harder, and Cami looks guilty) Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry. You're being so brave, the least I can do is watch my...
(Cami cuts herself off when she hears a metallic noise nearby and freezes in place. She gulps nervously before raising her voice)
Cami: Whoever's out there, if you try anything, I will gouge out your eyes!
(She pants nervously before hearing a voice behind her. It's Elijah, whose clothes are burnt in places and whose body is covered in ash, but is otherwise unscathed)
Elijah: Actually, Camille, that's probably not necessary.
(He reaches his hand out to her to communicate that she should come over to him quickly. As she does, she looks at him in panic)
Cami: What the hell happened back there?
Elijah: (ushers her toward the SUV) That's a discussion for the car. (He checks to make sure no one is watching them) Let's move!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(Hayley is in her bedroom, quickly packing up a bag of clothes, when Klaus enters the room)
Klaus: What do you think you're doing?
Hayley: (continues packing) Elijah said they're on the road. So, I'm going to go to them and get my daughter.
Klaus: Hayley...
Hayley: (cuts him off) Do not tell me that it's not safe! I'll tell you what's not safe: blowing up a house just to keep your evil brother from finding her!
Klaus: (sighs) We will deal with Finn.
Hayley: (raises her voice) And then what? Every time you kill him, he's just going to jump into another body.
Klaus: We tried running. We tried hiding. Neither will work.
Hayley: So what's your bright idea?
Klaus: As it happens, I am working on a plan as we speak! One which will be bolstered greatly if you just calm down and keep your eye on the prize!
Hayley: (talks over him) Do not manage me, I have every right to...
Klaus: (interrupts her) Hayley, you are getting married today. An act which will seal the loyalty of all the wolves that answer to Finn! (Hayley gives him a look) You will be queen to an army. (He takes the bag out of her hands and sets it on the bed) And a queen does not run.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ]
(In Davina's attic room, Josh is groaning in pain and pinching the bridge of his nose as though he has a headache. Davina returns to the room to check on him)
Davina: Well, you still don't look so good.
Josh: Ugh, this is worse than the Halloween Hangover of 2011. (Davina giggles, and Josh sighs) I went after Aiden, didn't I?
(Davina's smile falls slightly, and she kneels in front of him to look him in the eyes)
Davina: You know, he was up all day, all night with you until Marcel called and said that the spell was broken.
Josh: (nods) You guys totally saved my ass.
(Suddenly, Kol walks into the room, and Davina rolls her eyes playfully)
Kol: Yeah, well, don't mention it! (He tosses Josh a blood bag) There you go, here's a little go-juice. So, you should be, well... (He gestures toward the door) ...going.
(Davina giggles and gives Josh a hug before he leaves)
Davina: Bye.
(Once Josh has left, Kol walks into the bedroom toward Davina)
Davina: (crosses her arms) So, where were you yesterday?
Kol: Well, you know, being a hero, saving the day, the usual!
Davina: Ah. And you didn't think I could help?
Kol: Well, you were with your mate!
Davina: You couldn't have called me? It takes ten seconds.
Kol: (gasps mockingly) Oh-ho, this is a right proper spat we're having? It's almost as if we're, uh... oh, what is that phrase? "Going steady?"
Davina: (rolls her eyes) You wish.
Kol: Ah, maybe! Maybe I could make it up to you? By, uh, well... finishing a mystical dagger? What do you say?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE BAYOU ]
(Aiden and Jackson are standing out on the docks of the lake, where they're having the traditional Viking funeral for the Alphas who were killed in The Devil is Damned. They both look torn)
Aiden: All those Alphas... dead. That's a lot of wolves that are gonna want revenge.
Jackson: We make it clear the witches were behind this. The vampires were manipulated by dark magic. This... wasn't their fault.
(Their conversation is interrupted by Klaus, who comes up behind them and greets them with Hayley's bag from earlier, only it is now covered in blood. He throws it at their feet)
Klaus: Gentlemen. I come bearing gifts.
Jackson: (wary) The hell did you do?
Klaus: I removed the heads of the wolf leaders who refused to relinquish Finn's moonlight rings!
Jackson: (unamused) You brought me a bag of werewolf heads?
Klaus: (shrugs) Well, I'd hoped you'd see it as an early wedding present! Besides, I can't have witch sympathizers in my army.
Jackson: (approaches him) The wolves are not now, nor ever will be your army.
Klaus: You know, you are a brave and selfless leader, Jackson. (Jackson nods in agreement) And I'm positive you'll remain so for the entire duration of your reign. (Confused, Aiden joins Jackson's side as Klaus continues) Festivities begin at eight at my compound. Spread the word. And, do arrive early enough to clean yourself up. It's your wedding day, for God's sake!
(Klaus smiles at them before turning and leaving. Aiden and Jackson look at each other, clearly confused and suspicious. Jackson kicks at the bag of werewolf heads)
Jackson: Am I crazy, or did he just do his version of a nice thing?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ARKANSAS MORGUE / LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
(Freya has just entered the morgue, where she finds two bodies in black body bags laying on the autopsy tables. She walks toward the nearest one and unzips the bag to find Finn's body, which is badly burnt on one side. She lays her hand on his chest)
(At the cemetery, Davina and Kol are in the Claire tomb, preparing to do the Kemiya spell to turn the silver dagger into gold so it can be used against Klaus. Kol lights a bunsen burner as Davina sets up the ingredients)
Kol: Are you ready?
Davina: I don't know. Never done this before, remember?
Kol: I've never actually completed the spell itself, but, then, I've never had an accomplice as powerful as you.
(He pulls the silver dagger out of his trunk and holds it up as he smiles at her. She giggles as he returns to her)
Davina: So, let's do it, then!
Kol: Let's do it.
(At the morgue, Freya looks more closely at Finn's burned body, revealing that he's wearing her blue pendant talisman. She smiles at him)
(At the Claire tomb, Davina and Kol are both holding onto the handle of the dagger as they hold it into the flame of the bunsen burner as they cast the spell)
Kol & Davina: A Loki gae la lidi. A Loki gae la lidi.
(At the morgue, Freya is pouring a handful of salt over Finn's body as she casts her own spell)
Freya: (chants) Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet. Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet.
(The spell continues at the Claire tomb)
Kol & Davina: A Loki gae la lidi. A Loki gae la lidi.
(The spell continues at the morgue)
Freya: (chants louder) Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet. Helbred bransar, belaste herte, begin panet.
(At the Claire tomb, the spell continues)
Kol & Davina: A Loki gae la lidi. A Loki gae la lidi.
(Suddenly, the dagger becomes so hot that both Kol and Davina drop it onto the floor. They look down at it in shock before Davina kneels and picks up the dagger, which has turned from silver to gold. Davina smiles at him proudly)
Kol: (amazed) I think it worked!
(Davina can't help but chuckle in amazement. Kol looks at her in the eyes before leaning forward and kissing her gently. Davina pulls away briefly to set the dagger on the table before she wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him more passionately)
(Freya is finishing her spell at the morgue)
Freya: (chants louder) Helbreth renzar bilaste herte begimbi. Helbreth renzar bilaste herte begimbi.
(At the Claire tomb, Kol suddenly stops kissing Davina and gasps in shock. As he backs away from her, his nose starts to bleed pretty heavily. He leans against the nearby table and wipes the blood from his lip with one hand)
Davina: (worried) Kol, are you okay?
(At the morgue, Freya's blue pendant talisman starts to glow around Finn's neck as her spell takes effect)
Freya: Helbreth renzar bilaste herte behimbi. Helbreth renzar bilaste herte behimbi
(Suddenly, Finn awakens with a gasp, though his burns are not fully healed)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
(At the Claire tomb, Kol is recovering from his nosebleed, mopping up the blood with a tissue as Davina watches him, clearly concerned)
Davina: Kol, are you sure you're alright?
(Kol is turned away from her, and looks extremely scared and worried, but when he turns to face her, he puts on a fake smile)
Kol: I'm fine! Oh, a spell like that takes his toll, doesn't it?
(Davina looks as though she doesn't believe him, but humors him anyway and nods in agreement)
Kol: (points to the dagger) And you hide that for now, okay? Because, uh, well, today, we've got a reason to celebrate. (He walks toward her) Come to the wedding with me.
Davina: (smiles and hands him the dagger) Fine. But, if there's music? We're dancing.
(Davina turns and leaves the tomb to get ready. Once she's gone, Kol's smile falls, and he pulls out his phone and dials a number)
Kol: (on the phone) Beks? Beks, it's your brother. I need a favor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(Hayley is in her bedroom, looking through a wardrobe of old dresses, hats, and jewelry, when Rebekah appears in the doorway, hiding something in her hand from view)
Rebekah: Alright, bad news first: I will have to miss your nuptials. (Hayley looks at her in disappointment) Kol has a bit of a life-and-death matter he needs help dealing with.
Hayley: Anything I can do, Rebekah?
Rebekah: It's witch business. Which now seems to be my thing. (Hayley laughs and rolls her eyes) Besides, you have enough to deal with! On that note... (She pulls out a white lace wedding dress that she was hiding behind the door frame, and Hayley's eyes widen in surprise) It's white, which won't fool anyone. But you can't get married in skinny jeans and combat boots.
(She hands Hayley the dress, and Hayley hums in gratitude)
Hayley: Oh, Rebekah... Thank you.
(Rebekah smiles at her and watches as Hayley stands in front of her full-length mirror and holds the dress against her body to see how it looks)
Hayley: It's beautiful.
Rebekah: Well, I happen to be the only woman alive who's commissioned wedding dresses in five different centuries. Never made it down the aisle, of course.
Hayley: Well, it's not too late! From what I understand, Marcel is still single... (Rebekah smiles shyly and licks her lips) Have you told him yet that you're... you?
Rebekah: I thought I'd hold off on that for the moment. Only complicates matters. And, I'm not exactly sure how long this... (She gestures at her body) .. is going to last.
Hayley: (chuckles) Right.
Rebekah: (smiles and walks toward her) Hayley... I wanted to say... Now, you might be marrying Jackson Kenner of the boozy backwater Kenners, but you're still one of us. A Mikaelson. Always will be.
Hayley: (smiles happily) Gosh, that would be such a nice compliment if it didn't link me to so many homicidal lunatics.
(Rebekah smiles and winks at Hayley before she turns and leaves the room. Hayley turns back to the mirror and admires her new dress)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ FRENCH QUARTER ]
(Josh is waiting around in an alley, pacing nervously, when Aiden turns into the alley from the street and walks toward him)
Josh: (anxious) Thanks for coming. Look, I know I owe you a... (Aiden immediately opens his arms and lunges toward him to give him a big hug) .. massive apology...
Aiden: You scared the hell out of me.
Josh: I know, and I'm sorry. I just...
(Josh cups the side of Aiden's face gently with his hand, but Aiden nervously pulls it away)
Aiden: Look, um... Hayley and Jackson are getting married today. Quarter's gonna be packed with wolves. 'Kay, and after this wedding? Our whole pack will inherit Hayley's control of her wolf form! That means werewolves will be able to turn at will; we'll be that much more deadly to vampires. To you. (Josh looks at him with a hurt expression) I... think we need a time-out.
Josh: (confused) Whoa, whoa! I'm sorry, is this the world's worst breakup speech? Because if so, just say it like it is: you wanna call things off because it would look bad for the werewolf VP to be dating... me.
Aiden: No! Dating me puts a target on your back! I'm just trying to keep you safe!
Josh: (angry) Okay, you know what? I can't remember the last time I was safe.
(Josh, visibly hurt, sighs and walks away from him. Aiden looks upset)
Aiden: Josh...
(Josh keeps walking and doesn't look back, leaving Aiden alone in the alley)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(The ballroom of the compound is full of decorators and caterers who are setting up for the impending wedding. Jackson has just arrived, and he and Hayley walk around and take it all in)
Jackson: Ohhhh, I so do not belong in your world.
Hayley: (scoffs) My world? Give me some credit. I'm not exactly the girl who sat around fantasizing about her wedding day. And, if I had... (She gestures to a huge wedding cake being pushed on a cart by a caterer) .. it probably would have looked a little less... this.
Jackson: Yeah... (He turns and looks at Hayley) You getting cold feet?
Hayley: (shakes head) No. This is what's right. For Hope, for our pack.
(Jackson nods in agreement as Klaus enters the room)
Klaus: Hayley. If I might intrude, there's someone who wishes to say hello.
(Hayley and Jackson share a look before she joins Klaus and walks into the courtyard, with Jackson following behind her. Just as they make it into the courtyard, Cami and Elijah, who is now wearing fresh clothes, walk in from the opposite direction. Cami has Hope in her arms, and they smile at them)
Hayley: (to Klaus) You brought them here? Finn could be anywhere!
Klaus: I've taken precautions. There'll be no uninvited guests at your wedding, and after, your wolves will be the first line of defense to this home. No more running, Queen.
(Klaus smiles at her and gestures for her to go see Hope. Elijah nods at them encouragingly. Hayley goes and takes Hope out of Cami's arms, and Hope immediately begins cooing and babbling happily when she finally gets to see her mother. Hayley and Cami both giggle contently as Hayley walks toward Jackson)
Hayley: Hope, this is Jackson. Jackson, this is Hope.
(Jackson smiles when he sees her, and Hope stares at him in wonder. When Jackson holds out his hand, Hope clutches his fingers tightly and coos at him. Hayley and Jackson can't help but smile at her, while Elijah watches them from afar, looking troubled)
(In Klaus' study, Klaus pours himself a shot of bourbon and drinks it quickly as Elijah joins him. Klaus pours himself another shot and doesn't turn to face his brother right away)
Elijah: I thought your daughter's return would please you.
Klaus: I'm overjoyed. (He drinks the second shot) And I'll be even more so provided you do nothing to dissuade Hayley from going through with this wedding.
Elijah: (confused) Is there something you wish to discuss, Niklaus?
Klaus: (turns to face Elijah) Everyone knows you're in love with her. But, Hayley has a duty to this family, and so do you.
Elijah: I was under the impression this was Hayley's choice. Tell me you did nothing to bully this decision.
Klaus: We're mobilizing an army. She will do what is asked of her. And you will do nothing to prevent that.
Elijah: (strides over to Klaus to look him in the eye) Unless, of course, I learn that she was pressured into sacrificing her freedom in the name of some political alliance.
Klaus: Hayley is putting family first. I suggest you do the same.
Elijah: Family is always first.
Klaus: (claps Elijah on the shoulder) Well, then we won't have a problem, will we?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
(In the Claire tomb, Rebekah and Kol are holding both of each others hands as they do a spell to try to heal Kol, surrounded by lit candles. Kol channels Rebekah's power and mutters the incantation)
Kol: (chanting) Voltre mezino cadau. Voltre mezino cadau.
(Suddenly, Kol gets a piercing ringing sound in his ears as his nose starts to bleed again. He angrily lets go of Rebekah's hands and swipes many of the materials off of the table and onto the floor as he yells in frustration. Rebekah looks at him sympathetically and reaches out to rub his arm)
Kol: NO!
Rebekah: Calm down. You need to keep your wits if you're to beat this.
(Kol sits down on the bench by the table, looking exhausted and defeated)
Kol: There is no beating it. (Rebekah looks at him sadly) It's latched on like a vice.
Rebekah: So you're giving up? What happened to the brother I used to know? The one who laughed death in the face?
Kol: (quietly) It's a lot easier to do when you haven't died already once. And I hated it the first time. The ironic thing is that I actually preferred this go-round. Being a witch. No heightened emotion, no bloodlust. It was just me. For a while, anyway.
(He laughs bitterly. Rebekah is speechless)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(Hayley is getting dressed in her bedroom in preparation for the wedding. She's wearing the wedding dress Rebekah got her, and her hair is loose, with braids on the sides that are secured in the back with small white flowers. Hope is sitting on the floor, playing with her toys and cooing happily next to her)
Hayley: Ah-ha-ha! I still can't believe that you're here! (She kneels down in front of Hope) Now, Mommy has to go and do this big thing, but don't worry! Because Cami will watch you, and after that, I'm not letting you out of my sight!
(Hope makes a squeaky excited noise and chews on a little teddy bear as she leans into Hayley's face, and Hayley laughs, clearly thrilled to have her there. After a moment, Elijah appears in the doorway and watches them silently for a moment before knocking on the door to get her attention. When Hayley sees him, she smiles, and he watches her as she stands to her feet)
Elijah: You look perfect. (He hesitates for a moment) Hayley, I understand that this arrangement is important to your cause, and I will do nothing to dissuade you from it. I would be remiss if I didn't tell you, at least once...
Hayley: (quietly cuts him off) Don't. Don't say it. You know, ever since the first day that I met you, I have felt everything for you. And all this time, you were never able to say how you feel about me. And I get it... you can't just be the guy who says how he feels. (She looks down at her engagement ring and wrings her hands nervously) But Jackson is. And I think that I can be happy with him. (Elijah looks at her with tears in his eyes, and silently starts to cry) And I just wanna be happy, Elijah. So, whatever you're going to say to me... (She shakes her head) Please don't say it.
(Elijah looks devastated, but nods in understanding before leaving the room without another word. Hayley looks sad and guilty)
(In another room, Jackson is getting ready for the ceremony. He's trying to tie his tie, but his hands are shaking nervously, and he frustratedly unknots the tie and sighs. Aiden, standing behind him, chuckles in amusement as he pours them drinks)
Aiden: Need a hand with that?
Jackson: (tosses the tie aside in annoyance) No.
Aiden: Look, I'm sorry Oliver couldn't be here.
Jackson: Yeah, me too. (He takes the drink Aiden offers him) Although, I'm sure he'd have a lot to say about me in this get-up in the vampire house!
(They both laugh and drink)
Aiden: So, you really think the wolves will be cool with the vampires?
Jackson: (nods) And if not, screw 'em! I mean, we're done chasing old grudges! We got real enemies to worry about. (Aiden takes a huge gulp of his drink, looking nervous, and Jackson suddenly realizes what Aiden meant) This ain't about vamps in general, now, is it?
Aiden: (embarrassed) Look, I know you know about me and Josh. (Jackson nods) And I'm not asking you for permission, okay?
Jackson: Good! 'Cause I'm pretty sure we had the "love is love" talk when you were seventeen.
Aiden: (rolls his eyes) Yeah.
Jackson: (laughs) Hey, he's good enough for you? (He shrugs) Then it's good.
Aiden: I just don't want him caught in the crossfire, you know?
Jackson: (claps him on the shoulder) That won't be easy. But we got no chance of winning this fight without something to fight for.
(Aiden nods, and Jackson claps him affectionately on the shoulder again. Hayley appears in the doorway, and when Aiden notices her, Jackson follows his gaze and turn to find Hayley smiling at him. He's taken away by the sight of her in her wedding dress)
Jackson: (stunned) Wow.
(Hayley laughs nervously)
Aiden: (smiles) I think that's my cue.
(Aiden leaves Hayley and Jackson alone in the room)
Hayley: There's no rule about seeing each other before the ritual, is there?
(Jackson smiles widely and shakes his head. Hayley notices Jackson's tie laying on the chair and gestures toward it before walking to pick it up)
Jackson: (laughs nervously) Um, heh-heh... is everything okay?
Hayley: (walks over to start tying his tie around his neck) Yeah! I was just getting a little nervous. (She smiles and chuckles) Wanted to see you, make sure you weren't wearing a flannel tux.
(Jackson laughs nervously again and watches as she ties his tie and straightens his collar)
Jackson: (whispers) Thank you. Um, I'm actually glad you're here; I got something for ya. (He walks over to the table and picks up a small wooden box. He opens it to show her a silver chain with a crescent moon pendant with a green stone in it) Um, the, uh... the stone is moss agate. You were born under a planting moon, so it's your mineral totem. It symbolizes healing and courage, and after everything that you've done for our pack, I'd say that's just about right.
Hayley: I don't know what to say, Jackson.
(Jackson takes out the necklace and walks around Hayley to fasten it around her neck)
Jackson: You're wearing Rebekah's dress, getting married in Klaus' house. I figured you should have at least one thing that is just yours.
(Hayley smiles, clearly touched by his words)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND - UNIFICATION CEREMONY ]
(The guests, both vampires and werewolves, are all seated in the ballroom just before the ceremony is about to begin. Davina enters the room in a blue velvet dress and gets a program from a young girl. She looks around for a seat until Josh calls out to her)
Josh: Davina!
(Davina smiles at him and sits down next to him. A moment later, Aiden arrives. When he sees Josh and Davina sitting on his left, he walks over to them)
Aiden: (to Davina) May I?
(She kindly gets up so Aiden can sit next to Josh, and when he's seated, she sits next to Aiden. Aiden smiles at Josh and reaches for his hand, squeezing it tightly. Hayley slowly walks to the doorway to the ballroom and stands still for a moment as all the guests stand to greet her. She nods at various people when she sees them and waits for Jackson, who appears behind her a moment later. Hayley and Jackson clasp hands and smile at each other as they walk down the aisle. When they reach the two staircases, they split apart so they can each walk up the two staircases and meet on the balcony, where Mary is waiting for them to preside over the ceremony. An orchestra plays as they make their ascent, and they smile at each other from across the room until they make it to the altar)
Mary: Please, be seated. (The guests all sit back in their chairs) We gather together as a community seeking peace, inspired by this couple standing before you. (Across the balcony on the other side of the courtyard, Klaus stands and watches the ceremony. Hayley catches his eye and smiles at him, but his face remains blank. Elijah joins him a moment later and stands at his side) There was a time when werewolves saw themselves not as cursed, but blessed with connection to our most pure selves. And tonight, we honor that blessing with the long-awaited unification of the two Crescent bloodlines. (Mary performs a hand-fasting by binding Hayley and Jackson's wrists with baby's breath flowers) In doing so, we choose to embrace Hayley's vampire nature. With this union, Hayley will share her unique gifts with her pack. (Mary places a long lit match into Hayley and Jackson's linked hands to light their ceremonial candle) And now, your vows.
Jackson: (takes a deep breath) I pledge to honor you and defend you and yours above all others.
Hayley: To share in blessings and burdens. To be your advocate, your champion.
Jackson: To be your comfort, your sanctuary, and for as long as we both shall live.
Hayley: To be your family.
Jackson: To be your family.
(They smile at each other and light their candle together. Elijah looks as though he's about to cry. Mary smiles at them)
Mary: You two have endured all the traditional werewolf rituals and trials. There is only one remaining. Jackson, you may kiss your bride.
(Jackson looks almost scared, but Hayley smiles at him encouragingly. He stares at her for a long moment before he cups her face in his hand and kisses her. Elijah looks away, and Klaus looks at him sympathetically and sighs. When Hayley and Jackson finally pull away, both of their eyes glow gold, indicating that the Unification Ceremony worked. They smile at each other happily and turn to look at the crowd. The guests all look at each other curiously. Josh and Davina are smiling, and when Aiden looks back to smile at Josh, his eyes glow gold as well. Everyone begins to smile and chatter, all thrilled that the ceremony has empowered their pack. Marcel and Gia look at each other, slightly nervous at this new development, but Klaus looks relieved)
(Klaus walks out onto the balcony overlooking the courtyard, where the reception is being held. Elijah follows behind him and joins him, wagging his finger at him knowingly)
Elijah: I know that look. I see it all too often. What are you planning?
Klaus: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
Elijah: Jackson marries the mother of your child, in our home, solidifying his rule over the wolves you yourself once sought to control. Talk to me.
Klaus: Let Jackson have Hayley. Although, he isn't exactly fit to lead an army tasked with protecting my daughter. His reign will be short-lived.
Elijah: Niklaus, you cannot honestly believe that I would allow you to harm Jackson on the day of Hayley's wedding...
Klaus: (cuts him off) He's not one of us, Elijah! He's mortal. Mortals perish.
(Klaus goes to walk away, but Elijah grabs him roughly by the arm and stops him)
Elijah: What are you doing?
Klaus: Confide in me, brother. How do you feel when you see Hayley look at him?
Elijah: Niklaus, I'm warning you...
Klaus: (interrupts him) Face the facts! You're even now forcing yourself to deny you want Jackson dead just as much as I do. In fact, I think you want it more.
(Klaus smiles at him and walks away, leaving Elijah alone to think)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ FRENCH QUARTER / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(A parade is being held in the streets in celebration of Hayley and Jackson's wedding. It is led by several police officers on motorcycles, followed by Hayley, who has a white lace parasol in her hand and is dancing with Jackson at her side. Behind them is a marching band playing a bright jazz tune, along with the rest of the wedding guests, who are dancing and having a great time in the streets. Klaus watches the parade march down the main street when Elijah once again joins him)
Klaus: (annoyed) Are you to be my chaperon the entire evening, brother?
Elijah: Chaperon, steward, babysitter... whichever term tickles your fancy most, brother. You're welcome to indulge whomever and whatever you please. I would only ask that you refrain from any homicidal behavior...
Klaus: Just one day back, and you're already more than fulfilled your quota for irritating brotherly conduct.
(He turns to leave, but Elijah follows him)
Elijah: Let me make myself quite clear, Niklaus. So long as Jackson brings even an inkling of joy into Hayley's life, you are not to go near him.
Klaus: It's amusing listening to you defend the man who married the woman you love. But then, you've always coveted that which is not yours to have.
Elijah: Just listen to yourself! Fueled by your delusions of persecution! Think, Niklaus... if you kill Jackson, the wolves will descend into chaos. You're acting out of fear, terrified that Jackson might be a better father to Hope.
Klaus: Do not bring the child into this.
Elijah: Your child arrived here today, her security strengthened by those wolves that would defend her, and you would jeopardize that alliance? (He shakes his head) Niklaus, you yourself have mentioned that had you been raised by Ansel, you might have been a better man. Now, perhaps, a better man has entered Hope's life, and having seen that, you are shaken to your core.
Klaus: (angry) You have the audacity to analyze me? That's ambitious, considering your psychological difficulties. How was your time with my therapist? (Elijah looks at him, clearly offended) Was it helpful? Because it was a great risk leaving you alone with her! These days, who knows what you might do?
Elijah: (unamused) I have stood by you, and I have defended you for as long as I can recall. But, in the name of your daughter and her mother, I will not watch you commit this evil.
(Klaus stares at him angrily, but says nothing)
(Outside, the parade is still going on, and Davina and Josh are walking down the street together as they talk)
Davina: You okay?
Josh: Oh yeah, totally! My boyfriend and his buddies are super-wolves now...
(They turn and look behind them as Aiden shows off his new powers by jumping onto a car parked on the street and then doing a back-flip off of it and back onto the street. Aiden laughs happily and wraps his arms around the necks of his werewolf friends)
Josh: (smiles) It's gonna be awesome.
Davina: (chuckles) Hey, at least your boyfriend showed up.
Josh: Aw, come on!
(He grabs her hand and spins her around. She laughs happily until she notices a familiar figure standing in the nearby alley. It's Kol, looking pale and strung-out as he leans against the wall of the building. When she realizes it's him, Davina looks worried)
Davina: Is that...?
(Josh shoves Davina toward him so she can check on him. When she approaches Kol, he laughs bitterly with tears in his eyes)
Davina: Kol? What's wrong?
Kol: (laughs again) Aren't you a sight?
(Davina grabs Kol's hands, which are shaking, and looks even more concerned)
Davina: Kol, you're ice cold.
Kol: (squeezes her hands) Now, you listen to me, okay? Finn... he got a bit perturbed when we went to rescue Josh. And I... (Davina shakes her head in disbelief) I thought it was going to be okay, but... I'm running out of time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(Cami is in Hope's nursery, holding a slightly-fussy Hope in her arms as she looks out the window. She turns when she hears Klaus approaching behind her)
Klaus: I heard her crying.
Cami: Oh, she's probably just teething.
Klaus: (walks closer to Cami) Thank you for taking care of her.
Cami: (smiles) She's actually pretty low-maintenance. She's been smiling and looking all around. I think she likes it here. Feels like home. (She watches Klaus smile at Hope) You wanna hold her? (Klaus doesn't move, he just speechlessly stares at Hope. Cami licks her lips nervously) I know this all must be pretty overwhelming, but some advice I learned from developmental psych? Happy mom, happy dad... happy baby.
(Klaus looks at Hope, who coos at him, and he smiles)
(Downstairs, the reception is still going on in the courtyard. Some people are eating and drinking, others are dancing, but everyone is mingling together while caterers come around with hors d'oeuvres and trays of drinks. Hayley and Jackson are dancing together in the middle of the room when Aiden walks over to where Josh is standing off to the side)
Josh: Look, I know that this won't be easy...
(Once again, Aiden cuts him off before he can finish, but this time, he kisses him softly in front of everyone. They keep kissing for a long moment, and when they pull away, they smile at each other)
(While Hayley and Jackson dance together, Hayley looks up to see white flower petals raining down on them, and Jackson smiles widely as he spins her around. Up on the balcony, Elijah watches them dance silently, looking slightly jealous. After a moment, Klaus comes down to the courtyard with Hope in his arms and gestures for the band to stop playing so he can make a speech)
Klaus: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? Hayley, if you would join me, I would like to propose a toast.
(Hayley looks surprised, but she reluctantly joins Klaus at the front of the room and takes Hope into her arms)
Klaus: I want to welcome you all. As you know, last spring, Hayley and I had a daughter. Due to tragic circumstance, she was lost. Now, she has returned home. Her name is Hope. (The guests gasp and begin to murmur amongst themselves about this revelation) She will live here among you, her pack. Her family. We implore you... protect our daughter. Teach her. Love her, as one of your own. (In the crowd, Jackson nods at Klaus in agreement. Klaus takes a glass of champagne from a nearby tray. Elijah continues to watch from the balcony, and Klaus smiles at him before continuing his toast) Jackson, I invite you and your bride to live here, uniting your proud and noble people in peace. Welcome to the family, mate. (Jackson nods at him again, and Klaus holds up his glass) To Jackson and Hayley!
Various guests: Cheers!
(Klaus holds his glass up to Elijah and smiles at him devilishly)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
(In the Claire tomb, Kol is sitting in a chair while Davina and Rebekah go through all of their magical notes and texts to find a solution. Davina finds a passage in a book and places it on the table)
Davina: Transubstantiation. We can combine it with a protection spell.
Rebekah: Finn's spell blocks that. The body calls it, and then he dies. We need to jump him into a new one.
Davina: (frustrated) We can't just pick another body at a farmer's market, we don't even have a spell for that!
Kol: (pale and weak) Beks? Can you give me a moment alone with Davina?
(Rebekah leaves, and Kol stands to his feet. Davina looks at him with tears in her eyes)
Kol: I believe I owe you a dance.
(He holds out his hand, and Davina takes it, trying not to cry)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(Elijah is walking down the hall upstairs when Hayley approaches him from behind. Elijah, sensing her presence, stops, but doesn't turn around)
Elijah: A lovely ceremony.
Hayley: It was. Thank you for being there.
Elijah: With the wolves unified, Hope is safe. Everything is exactly as you intended. (Hayley looks uncomfortable, and Elijah sighs) And, in the interest of maintaining the peace, I have decided to join Marcel in Algiers. I believe with the correct instruction and guidance, this community may well prosper.
Hayley: (surprised) You're moving out? Elijah, this is your home.
Elijah: (smiles sadly) In my long, long life, I've called many places home, Hayley.
Hayley: I didn't know that Klaus would ask Jack and me to live here, but that... that doesn't mean that you have to leave.
(Hayley and Elijah's conversation is interrupted by Rebekah, who rushes over to them)
Rebekah: Elijah.
(Elijah squints at her, not recognizing her new appearance right away)
(In the nursery, Klaus is leaning over Hope's crib, watching her as she fidgets around. When he hears Elijah and Rebekah come into the room, he sighs in annoyance)
Klaus: Must you intrude on every moment?
Elijah: I'm not here to quarrel, brother.
Rebekah: It's Kol. I couldn't help him. (Klaus turns to her with a shocked expression on his face) He's not gonna last the night.
(Downstairs, Marcel and Gia are pouring champagne glasses for the guests when they notice Klaus, Elijah, and Rebekah march down the steps and rush out the door. Marcel glances over at Rebekah, and though he's not yet seen her new vessel, he seems to recognize her spirit anyway. He sets down the bottle of wine and moves to get a better look)
Gia: (confused) Do you know that girl?
Marcel: I think I might.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
(Kol and Davina are slow-dancing outside of the Claire tomb to the sound of an old-fashioned song on the gramophone player. Both of their eyes are red and rimmed with tears as the cry into each others' shoulders. They pull away so Kol can look her in the eyes)
Kol: I know that we're in a cemetery, and I happen to be terminal... (He laughs through his tears) ...but you've got to admit, the stars are lovely.
Davina: (shakes her head tearfully) How can you joke right now?
Kol: I'm not. We're under the same stars. It's some guy, and he's with his girl, and he thinks he's got all the time in the world, and he's right. (He laughs again, and Davina starts to cry as he leans his forehead against hers) And I hate him.
(Suddenly, Kol doubles over in a coughing fit, and Davina looks panicked)
Davina: (lifts his head) Are you okay?
Kol: (smiles) Yeah. (Davina takes his hand in hers and kisses it) I think I want to be alone for this bit.
(He continues to cough as he walks away from Davina and toward one of the tombs. However, he stops when he hears a voice behind him. He turns and finds Elijah, Klaus, and Rebekah standing in the aisle)
Elijah: I'm afraid that's not an option.
Klaus: "Always and forever" is not something that you just weasel out of, brother.
(Kol stares at his siblings in surprise and manages a weak smile, which Klaus returns)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(Jackson is standing on the terrace overlooking the French Quarter from Hayley's bedroom when Hayley comes in and joins him)
Hayley: Everybody's headed home. (She smiles shyly) Now what?
Jackson: Ahhh, wedding night. Awkward. (They both laugh nervously) Well, knowing you, I'm thinking you just wanna stay up all night watching Hope sleep. That sounds good to me.
Hayley: (hesitates before walking toward him) Jack... when I told you that the wedding was the right thing to do for our pack, there's something else I should have told you. (Jackson looks nervous and braces himself) I should have told you that... when I first got to New Orleans, I was terrified, pregnant... for a long time, basically alone. And then, one night, a wolf appeared out of the woods, and I knew that I was safe. From the moment I saw you, I... I knew I could trust you. You never made me feel ashamed about being a hybrid, or questioned why I had to lie to you about Hope.
Jackson: Well, I told you... I love you. I meant it.
Hayley: (nods) Yeah... and that's the first time that anyone's said that to me. I want you to know that I didn't marry you for all those people. I married you for me. That's what I should have told you.
(Jackson looks at her, so surprised by this confession that he quickly pulls her toward him and kisses her, and they continue kissing passionately on the balcony)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
(Davina, Rebekah, Klaus and Elijah have moved Kol into the tomb where Esther once imprisoned Elijah, which is surrounded by candles. Davina is sitting a few feet away, whispering a spell over a necklace that she's gripping tightly in her hands. There are lit candles scattered all over the room where Kol is laying on the floor, surrounded by his brothers and sister. Kol's nose and mouth are both bleeding and he groans in pain)
Kol: (grips the lapel of Klaus' coat) All my life, all I ever wanted was for you lot to care about me.
(Klaus struggles to hold back his tears, and before Kol can laugh, he's overcome by another coughing fit that startles Rebekah. She sits down on the ground, and she and Elijah rub Kol's back as he coughs before leaning him backward so she can cradle Kol's head in her lap. Kol grabs onto Rebekah's hand and squeezes it as he groans)
Rebekah: (crying) Kol, listen to me. You don't have long. You're going to die. (Kol can no longer hold back his tears, and he grips her arm tighter) But you will die a witch, and we will consecrate your body. You will join the ancestors of the French Quarter, and those spirits can be brought back. And, I promise you, brother, I will not leave this body until I find a way to bring you home.
(Kol smiles at her, despite his pain, but quickly begins to cough even harder. Davina finally finishes her spell and crawls toward Kol to give him the necklace)
Davina: (frantic and in tears) I tried a different spell.
Kol: (takes her hand and squeezes it) It's okay. I'm not scared.
(Davina tries her best to smile at him through her tears, and Kol manages one last laugh before he dies in Rebekah's arms. Davina breaks down in sobs, and Elijah and Klaus begin crying freely as well over Kol's body)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ARKANSAS MORGUE / MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
(Finn, finally healed completely, gingerly sits up on the autopsy table with Freya's help)
Finn: (sighs in relief) What did you do?
Freya: It took a while, but I healed you. Brought you back from death, using this.
(She points to her blue pendant talisman in Finn's hands, which he examines)
Finn: Your pendant. (He laughs in wonder) You said it would protect me.
Freya: It's a talisman used to focus my power. I knew it would be dangerous to face Elijah. I didn't want you to be hurt.
Finn: Just like when we were children. (He stands to his feet and groans slightly, visibly sore after his resurrection) I seem to recall you were always defending me.
Freya: (takes his hand and squeezes it) You're my brother, Finn. I love you. And we'll need to protect each other. If Dahlia has sensed Klaus' child, she's already on her way.
Finn: Niklaus used magic to cloak the baby from my mother. It's going to take a bit of time before Dahlia finds her...
Freya: (cuts him off) You don't understand. Esther was nothing compared to Dahlia. I was taken when I was only five years old. I had just started to display a potential for magic. It is the magic that will draw Dahlia. It will serve as a beacon, calling her.
(At the compound, Hayley holds Hope in her arms in the nursery and dotes on her while Jackson watches from the doorway)
Freya: (V.O.): Dahlia will come, and she will take what's hers.
(Hope burrows into Hayley's shoulder as Hayley looks over at Jackson and smiles)
[ END ] | Plan: A: Cami; Q: Who rushes away from the house and stops at a payphone where Elijah meets her? A: Elijah; Q: Who thinks Klaus dislikes Jackson? A: Hope; Q: Who is reunited with her parents? A: Klaus; Q: Who offers his house for the wedding? A: his house; Q: Where does Klaus offer for the location of Jackson and Hayley's wedding? A: Jackson; Q: Who does Hayley marry? A: Hayley; Q: Who does Elijah think Klaus is in love with? A: her mind; Q: What does Hayley not want Elijah to change about the wedding? A: a toast; Q: What does Klaus make at the wedding reception? A: the newly weds; Q: Who does Klaus invite to live in his house? A: Josh; Q: Aiden is comfortable with who? A: Kol; Q: Who dies in the episode? A: the dagger; Q: What did Kol and Devina finish working on? A: Freya; Q: Who raises Finn back from the dead? A: Rebekah; Q: Who promises to resurrect Kol? Summary: Cami rushes away from the house and stops at a payphone where Elijah meets her and Hope. Klaus offers his house for the location of Jackson and Hayley's wedding. Just before the wedding Elijah and Cami arrive at the house and Hope is reunited with her parents. Hayley doesn't want Elijah to change her mind about the wedding and she goes on to marry Jackson. During the reception, Klaus makes a toast inviting the newly weds to live in the house. Elijah thinks that Klaus dislikes Jackson as he will end up being a better father figure than he is, and Klaus thinks Elijah wants Jackson dead because he is in love with Hayley. Elijah tells Hayley he may move out. Meanwhile, Aiden and Josh are comfortable together and Kol and Devina complete the dagger they have been working on and Freya raises Finn back from the dead. The episode ends with Elijah, Rebekah, Klaus and Davina surrounding Kol as he dies, and Rebekah promising to resurrect him. |
Ted from 2030: Well, kids, here we are. We've arrived, my 30th birthday. The long-awaited story of...the goat. That week started just like any other. Barney woke up in some girl's bed.
In Robin's bedroom
Barney: In my experience, the way this normally goes is, we lie here for a while, make a little awkward chitchat.
Robin: Check.
Barney: Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and never call you again.
Robin: And later at the bar, you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, "who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with Barney Stinson?"
Barney: Actually, you usually say that out loud. So...I just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend
Robin: And I just slept with my ex-boyfriend's really good friend.
Barney: Best friend.
Robin: Okay, here's the deal, Barney. The second my feet touch the ground, this never happened.
Barney: Okay. Wait. Right click, save as... Into the.bpeg folder, and okay. This never happened. It's a good plan.
Robin: Now we go back to exactly the way things were before.
Barney: Okay. Right. So, Robin?
Robin: Yes, Barney?
Barney: Guess who nailed the chick from metro news one last night?
[OPENING CREDITS]
Robin: I'm gonna shower... till June, and, um, since you were never here to begin with, you won't be here when I get out.
Barney: Okay. This never happened. Never happened. Never... happened.
Ted from 2030: But pretending it never happened wouldn't be that easy.
At the Bar
Ted: So, tell us, what was it like?
Barney: What?
Ted: Penetrating that barrier. You and I are the first ones to hit it. Well, not the first ones, certainly, but the first ones at this table.
Barney: I... I... I'm... I'm...
Marshall: Although, I'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon.
Robin: Yeah, you are.
Marshall: Yeah, and when I hit it, I'm going to go nuts.
Lily: It's gonna be all night, and I think I want a clown there. I'm a little bit scared of clowns, but for you, I'm there.
Barney: What are you talking about?!
Ted: The big three-oh. You know, my 30th birthday's this friday. Did you forget? What kind of friend is this guy?
Barney: Ha-ha right. A great friend, by the way. The best. Is it my imagination, or are these drinks getting smaller? If this were a doctor's office, they'd say, "try again." How you doing there, Robin?
Robin: I'm good.
Ted: Oh, so, I made a a decision. I'm going to go through all my old stuff, And I'm getting rid of anything I have no use for anymore. Hmm. Barney, you want my xbox?
Barney: Ted, she has a name! And just what are you accusing me of?
Ted: Liking video games?
Robin: I'm gonna get a drink.
Barney: I'll come with you.
Robin: Okay.
Barney: God, this is awkward.
Robin: What is?
Barney: Being around Ted.
Robin: Why?
Barney: Because of our thing.
Robin: What thing?
Barney: You're really gonna pretend this never happened?
(Ted arrives behind Barney and startles him)
Ted: What never happened? What are you guys talking about?
Robin: Nothing.
Ted: Guys, cut the act. I know. I know about the surprise party you guys are throwing me. Marshall let it slip earlier today. Hey, I'll totally act surprised and everything. Just be sure to invite Stella.
Barney: Stella! You have a serious girlfriend now! You're over this one. Robin who, right? Stella makes this one look like a filthy bag of gbabage, am I right? Happy birthday, bro.
At Marshall's
(Marshall is playing a video game. His phone starts ringing, he picks up)
Marshall: Hello.
Barney: Hey, Marshall, I need your help.
Marshall: Yeah, I'm kind of real focused on the job hunt right now.
Barney: I know. I want to hire you.
Marshall: For the last time, Barney, I will not be your butler.
Barney: I need a lawyer. I'll pay you.
Marshall: How much?
Barney: A little.
Marshall: I'll take it.
In Barney's office
Marshall: Hey. so, I'm reading this, and, I got to say, this might be a little bit over my head. For one thing, I'm fairly certain that if these contracts aren't executed precisely, we will be at war with Portugal.
Barney: Forget that. That's a Tuesday for me. New shredder. This baby'll chew up a bicycle in 17 seconds. From sky mall. It's all from sky mall. Whenever I get upset, I shop at sky mall. Want a hot dog?
Marshall: Of course. Why are you upset?
Barney: Marshall, I'm about to tell you a secret that you can't tell anyone-- not Ted, not Robin, not Lily.
Marshall: No. no, no, no, I don't want any more secrets, especially now that I know what you guys did to the drinking water in lisbon. I...
Barney: You are hearing this secret, Marshall. I... I slept... (Marshall covers his ears with his hands and starts singing) Stop..stop doing that. (Barney throws a bowling ball at him, Marshall catches it) I slept... I slept with Robin.
Marshall: You slept with Robin?
Barney: Are you mad at me?
Marshall: I don't know.
Barney: How's the hot dog?
Marshall: It's helping. You slept with Robin?! I... I cannot keep that secret. I mean, you know I at least have to tell Lily.
Barney: You can't. you can't tell anyone. Attorney-client privilege.
Marshall: Why are you doing this to me?!
Barney: Because I need you, Marshall, as my lawyer, to prove that I didn't do anying wrong.
Marshall: How can I help you as your lawyer? You didn't break any laws, did you? Robin knows you slept with her, doesn't she?
Barney: I didn't break any state or federal laws, but I think I broke a much, much higher law. The Bro Code.
Ted from 2030: For many years, we had heard Barney quote the Bro Code, a list of do's and don'ts for all bros. Some were basic.
[FLASHBACK]
Barney: Bro Code article one:"Bros before hoes."
Ted from 2030: Some were unbelievably complicated.
Barney: Bro Code article 89: "The mom of a bro is always off limits, but the stepmom of a bro is fair game if she initiates it, and/or is wearing at least one a article of leopard print clothing."
Ted from 2030: And some were just plain disturbing.
Barney: Bro Code article 34: "Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's three-way." Two dudes.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Marshall: This is not a legal docume.. This is just something you wrote.
Barney: You think I wrote that? Oh, Marshall, don't you know the glorious history of the Bro Code?
[HISTORICAL FLASHBACK]
Two men are sitting at a table.
Barney: The year was 1776. The place: Philadelphia. Benjamin Franklin and George Washington were hangng a drink.
Benjamin: But, bro, seriously, I called the dibs on that wench. You codpiece blocked me.
George: So what if I did? There's no rule against it.
Benjamin: Well, there should be. There should be a set of rules that govern the way bros comport themselves among other bros.
George: But who shall write such a document? I have to go to Me, D.C.,and pose for the dollar bill.
Benjamin: And I have to do some kite-flying or setething.
Barney: I shall write this set of rules. And I shall inscribe it on theacack of the Constitution. To save paper.
George: It's resolved! Barney Stinson shall write... the Bro Code.
Barney: And I shall l include a provision that stateth "No eye contact in a devil's three-way."
Benjamin: Seconded.
George: Seconded.
[END OF HISTORICAL FLASHBACK]
Marshall: Listen, what do you want me for?
Barney: I've just been losing my mind lately, and do you know why I feel so bad?
Marshall: Yeah, because you slept with Robin.
Barney: No, that was awesome. I feel bad because the Bro Code clearly states "No s*x with your bro's ex." But if you, my lawyer,can find a loophole somewhere, then that bad feeling will go bye-bye.
Marshall: And you would pay me for that?
Barney: No, I'll just be the one shredding your paperwork. Technically, you'll be paid by a toy factory in Pyongyang.
Marshall: Barney, I'm no shrink, okay, but don't you see that this is just a desperate way for you to avoid an unpleasant confrontation with Ted?
Barney: Hey, if I wanted a psychological evaluation, I'd hire the guy we pay to hint notize us before depositions. Now, get cracking!
Ted from 2030: While Marshall examined the Bro Code, Lily's kindergarten class welcomed a special guest.
In Lily's class
Lily: And with a little luck, in a few days, Farmer Frank's cold will be all gone. And that's why Farmer Frank's breath smells like medicine. Right, Farmer Frank?
Frank: You got it, toots.
Lily: Any last questions for Farmer Frank? Yes.
Girl: Will we ever go to see Missy the Goat again?
Frank: Oh! Ah, isn't that sweet! Well, you know, honey, right after this, I'm gonna drop old Missy off at the butcher shop. And they're going to take a great big knife...
Ted from 2030: And Frank went on to traumatize Lily's entire class with a graphic explanation of where meat comes from... So not one little scrap of Missy goes to waste.
Girl: Ms. Aldrin, please don't let emem eat Missy.
Lily is going home, with... the goat.
At the apartment
Lily: I know, I know. I already called an animal rescue, and they're going to come get her on Monday.
Ted: Monday?! Where's she going to sleep and eat and go to the bathroom?! Okay, where's she going to sleep and eat?
Lily: I-I guess I'll keep her up on the roof.
Ted: Look, call me crazy. I just... I don't think having a goat in the apartment is a good idea.
Ted from 2030: And, boy, was I right,because what Missy the Goat would go on to do in that bathroom was so... No, you know what? I'm m getting ahead of myself. We'll get there.
(Robin arrives at the apartment.)
Robin: Hey, Ted. You ready to, um... Where'd the goat turd come from?
Ted: How'd you know that was a goat turd?
Robin: Well, it was either that, or a musk ox turd, and I figured,what the hell would a musk ox be doing in here?
Ted: Hey. Guess what your wife brought home.
Marshall: Attorney-client privilege.I can't talk about it.
Ted: Talk about what?
Marshall: Nothing. How was your day? Oh, goat turd on the floor,I see. Is that new?
Ted: How does everyone know that's a goat turd?
Robin: Barney told you.
Marshall: I don't know what you're talking about,madam.
Robin: Marshall, you can't look me in the eye, you're blushing, coughing, and your hands are shaking.
Ted: Robin, come here!
Robin: Ted is never finding out about this, you understand? Because it never happened, none of us are saying anything. And don't even think about opening that can until I'm out of the splash zone.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In Barney's office
(Marshall arrives.)
Barney: Fantastic, you're here. Give me the good news.
Marshall: I'm sorry. You did too good of a job writing this thing. It's-it's iron-clad.
Barney: No! Bad lawyer! I need a loophole! I want to feel better, Marshall! I can't keep buying things! I have six self-cleaning litterboxes and I don't even have a kid. Wait. How about this? Ted's probably broken this thing himself, right? And if he's broken the Bro Code, then I'm off the hook.
Marshall: I thought about that. And I gotta say, Ted has upheld this thing time and time again. For example, article 87: "A bro shall at all times say yes."
[FLASHBACK]
Woman: So he saved you from an avalanche?
Ted: Yes.
Woman: And he carried you six miles to safety on his broken leg?
Ted: Yes.
Woman: And you're a pre-op transsexual nightclub singer who used to be a member of the Russian mob?
Ted: Da.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Marshall: Article 29 "A bro will in a timely manner alert his bro to the existence of a girl fight."
[FLASHBACK]
Ted: Dude, two girls are fighting at MacLaren's.
Barney: What?!
Ted: Yeah, yeah. It was crazy. This one girl was like... Oh, hey.
Barney: Hey.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Marshall: Article 53: "A bro will, whenever possible, provide his bro with protection."
[FLASHBACK]
Woman: That feels nice.
Barney: Good.
Woman: I just wish we had some wine.
Barney: Yeah. I wish we had some wine, too.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Barney: Damn it, Marshall. I'm not paying you to tell me what a saint Ted is! You're my lawyer! The answer is in there! Find it!
Marshall: Okay, this isn't about the Bro Code, and you know it. The reason that you're upset is because what you did was wrong. And the only way you're ever gonna feel any better about it is if you tell Ted what you did.
Barney: What if he never wants to talk to me again?
Marshall: Well, I guess that's just a chance you're gonna have to take.
Ted from 2030: Which brings us to April 25, 2008. My 30th birthday, or as it would come to be referred to in later years: The Day of the Goat.
On the roof
(Everyone has arrived for the surprise-party. They are all waiting for Barney and Ted)
Lily: Hey, where are you?
Barney:I'm in the limo, right outside of Ted's office.
Lily: Great. Well, everyone's here. Stella just arrived and there is something here so awesome, I'm not going to tell you what it is, but you won't believe...
Barney: Goat in a party hat?
Lily: Damn it! Well, you still gotta see it. It's so much fun having a goat at a party!
Ted from 2030: In a few short hours, Lily would come to regret those words. But we'll get there. Barney:Uh, gotta go. Here he comes.
Lily: Okay. Bye.
(Ted climbs in)
Ted: Whoa, you guys went all out.
Lily: Okay, everyone, Ted's in the limo, five-minute warning! Everyone get ready! Oh, Missy, are you excit?? Yes, you are!
Ted: Whoa, we're leaving the city. Where the hell is this party?
Barney: Vegas.
Ted: Vegas? I thought the party was on the rooftop.
Barney: Surprise! Just a decoy, my friend.
Ted: So there's no roof party?
Barney: Oh, no. There is. We're just not going. This is how good a friend I am. They want you to spent your 30th standing around drinking flat beer ten feet above your living room. But not me, bro. I pulled out all the stops. Private jet, Valderrama suite at the Bellagio. Steaks at BOA, scotch at Ghostbar, then two ringside seats to watch Floyd Mayatather go ten rounds with, wait for it... a grizzly bear!
Ted: Take me home, Barney.
Barney: No! We have to go to Vegas. Look, Ted, I didn't want to say this, but... there's something that I have to tell you, and I wanted you to be in the best possible frame of mind before you heard it.
Ted: You slept with Robin.
Ranjit: You slept with Robin? Barney! That is Ted's ex-girlfriend!
Barney: When did you find out?
[FLASHBACK]
Ted: Hey, Robin. Come here!
Robin: What's up?
Ted: I was, uh, just going through some old stuff and I...
Marshall: Oh, crap!
Ted: Anyway, uh, I came across this.
Robin: From my vacacation in Vermont.
Ted: Yeah. I don't know if you'd even want it, but if you do, it's yours.
Robin: I slept with Barney!
Ted: What?
Robin: It was just one time, it, it was the night that Simon dumped me and I was in a really vulnerable place and I, I wanted to just pretend like it never happened, but I couldn't, and... I can't. I just, I had to tell you. And... I just hope that we can still be friends.
Ted: Of course we can still be friends.
Robin: So you're not mad?
Ted: Well, I'm... it's a little weird, but, um... No, I'm not mad.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Barney: So you're not mad?
Ted: No, I'm not mad. I mean, Robin and I broke up a year ago. We've, we've both dated lots of people since then. I'm with Stella now. Seriously, I...I'm fine with this.
Barney: I'm so relieved to hear you say that.
Ted: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, hey, I just remembered, um, my mom is coming into town next month. Maybe you'd like to nail her, too!
On the roof
Marshall: Where are they?! I'm getting a cramp.
Lily: Marshall, can we keep the goat?
Marshall: No.
Lily: But she's so cute and furry and soft.
Marshall: Yeah, and she also sheds, eats out of the garbage and can't control her bobowels.
Lily: Why don't we just call Duluth Mental Hospital and say my Uncle Linus can live with us?
Robin: Yeah, Lily, that may seem like a good idea after a couple of drinks but tomorrow morning you're going to want this thing out of your house.
Lily: Oh, you should talk.You slept with Barney.
Robin: Marshall!
Marshall: I'm sorry! I couldn't take it anymore.
Lily: I can't believe you did that. That's so gross. Was it amazing?
Robin: What? I... Lily, I really don't want to talk about this.
Lily: I know but it's Barney. It's just hard not to be curious. Did he have like devices and stuff?
Robin: Lily,come on.
Lily: Hot wax?
Marshall: Stop it.
Lily: Did he tie you to anything?
Marshall: That's enough. What's wrong with you?
Lily: I'm sorry. Is he all smooth down there?
In the limo
Ted: Three billion women on the planet! Three billion! And you have to sleep with the one that I dated for a year! Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?! Robin?!
Barney: You think I'm proud of this?! I'm horrified that this happened.
Ted: How did it happen? Huh? Barney, I want to know. Tell me exactly how it happened.
Barney: You mean... what position? (They starts fighting) Stop it! Stop it!
Ranjit: Hit him!
Barney: Ted! Stop!
Ranjit: Hit him!
Barney: Stop!
Ranjit: Hit him!
Barney: Okay. Okay. You're pissed. You deserve to be. Fine. You know what? One free shot. On me. Anywhere but the face. (Ted hits him where it hurts the most...) Who punches someone in the groin? Okay.Okay. I deserved that. I deserved that. But what's important now is... we're passed this whole Robin thing now, right?
Ted: You think that this is just about Robin? This is about... You know, I've seen you do some bad stuff. I mean some really terrible stuff to a lot of different people. I just always thought there had to be a limit. I always thought I was the limit. You're always spouting off these rules for bros. Isn't one of them, "don't do this"?
Barney: Yeah. And I broke it. I'm sorry. But, Ted...seriously, this suite at the Bellagio...
Ted: I am not going to Vegas with you! I'm not going to blow off my friends and my girlfriend, and spend my 30th birthday in a strip club. The fact that you think I would... You know, Barney,earlier this week I started putting things in a box and that box was labeled "stuff I have no use for anymore."
Barney: What does that mean?
Ted: It means... maybe you belong in that box.
Barney: Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore?
Ted: I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore.
Barney: Okay, I'm going to stop you right there, because it seems like you're about to say something that's going to pretty much ruin Vegas.
Ted: Ranjit, stop the car. I'm getting a cab.
Ted finally arrives at the apartment and goes up to the roof.
Everyone: Surprise!
Ted from 2030: Oh, right, the goat. So funny.You're going to love this. So later in that night, the goat locked himself in the bathroom and was eating one of Robin's washcloths and wait, hold on. Robin wasn't living here on my 30th birthday. When did this happen? Oh, wait, the goat was there on my 31st birthday. Sorry, I totally got that wrong. | Plan: A: Barney; Q: Who feels guilty about sleeping with Robin? A: Marshall; Q: Who does Barney hire to find a loophole in the Bro Code? A: his friendship; Q: What does Barney want to maintain with Ted? A: Lily; Q: Who decides to rescue a goat? A: the gang; Q: Who plans Ted's surprise party? Summary: After sleeping with Robin, Barney feels guilty and hires Marshall to search for a loophole in the Bro Code so Barney can maintain his friendship with Ted. Meanwhile, Lily decides to rescue a goat while the gang plans Ted's surprise party. |
REMEMBRANCE OF THE DALEKS
PART THREE
Run time: 24:30
[SCENE_BREAK]
School corridor
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek: Human female is now leaving building.
[SCENE_BREAK]
School
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek 2: Stay where you are. Do not move.
Dalek: Exterminate. Exterminate.
Dalek 3: Exterminate.
Daleks: Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate.
Mike: You, move in.
Mike: Fall back. Fall back!
The Doctor: It works. It works!
Mike: Fall back! Three, two, one, down!
The Doctor: There were living beings in there.
Mike: Not any more.
Gilmore: Come on, Sergeant. We'll search upstairs.
Mike: Yes, sir. Doctor, may I?
The Doctor: Yes, Sergeant.
Gilmore: Right.
Mike: Stay sharp. Follow me.
Rachel: Doctor?
The Doctor: Hmm?
Rachel: This one's still active.
The Doctor: Oh? Let's see, Professor.
The Doctor: Allison, it's dead. Thank you.
Rachel: What was that?
The Doctor: They've mutated again. Here, come and have a look. Compare that to the destroyed Dalek at Totter's Lane. Note the difference.
Rachel: The other Dalek was underdeveloped, with vestigial limbs and sensory organs almost amoeboid. Allison, look. This is altogether different. It has functional appendages and some kind of mechanical prosthesis grafted into its very body. I think I'm going to be sick.
The Doctor: Sergeant Smith must have found some more Daleks.
Ace: Don't anyone give me a hand.
Allison: Ace, you're hurt.
Ace: I had an argument with a window.
The Doctor: You two go down and check the cellar, but don't touch anything. I'll look after Ace.
The Doctor: When I say stay put, I mean stay put, not take on an entire Dalek assault squad single-handed. What were you doing here, anyway?
Ace: I came to get my tape deck.
The Doctor: Where is it?
Ace: It's in little bits.
The Doctor: Good.
Ace: Good? Ow. What do you mean, good. Where am I going to get another one?
The Doctor: That tape deck was a dangerous anachronism. If someone had found it and discovered the principles of its function, the whole microchip revolution would take place now, twenty years too early, with incalculable damage to the time line.
Ace: So?
The Doctor: So? Ace, the Daleks have a mothership up there capable of eradicating this planet from space, but even they, ruthless though they are, would think twice before making such a radical alteration to the time line.
The Doctor: There, you ought to be able to get up and walk about now.
Ace: Cheers, Professor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mothership
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek: Bridge reporting. Mothership will maintain Earth geostationary orbit. All systems fully operational. Attack squad Delta prepare to enter transmat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
School cellar
[SCENE_BREAK]
Allison: The subject obviously is placed on that dais. Then what?
Rachel: The Doctor called it a transmat. What's that imply to you?
Allison: Matter transmission? But that's impossible.
Rachel: Impossible. You know, after this is over I'm going to retire and raise begonias.
The Doctor: Lovely flowers, begonias.
Allison: Doctor, how exactly does this thing work?
Rachel: Don't bother.
The Doctor: It's a link for the Daleks, allowing them to beam death squads onto Earth without anybody knowing. And I don't want them here just yet.
The Doctor: Weapons. Always useless in the end. Oh, you look hungry. How about lunch?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cemetery
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cafe
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ace: Professor, what are you doing?
The Doctor: Concentrating.
Ace: Harry, I wanted some toast.
Harry: Coming, coming.
Ace: May I?
Mike: Hello, Ace.
Ace: Hi.
Mike: You've met Paul, John.
Ace: Hello.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cemetery
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe: Argh!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mothership
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek: Power source detected. Alert! Power source detected. Full alert!
Dalek 2: It is the Hand of Omega.
Dalek 3: Inform the Emperor Dalek.
Dalek: I obey.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cafe
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gilmore: I just feel we should be doing something.
Rachel: Frankly, I wouldn't advise it, Group Captain. We're in way over our heads.
Gilmore: You were hired as a Chief Scientific Advisor. One tends to expect advise from one's advisors.
Rachel: For one thing, Group Captain, I was not hired, I was drafted. And for another, do you think I am enjoying having some space vagrant come along and tell me that the painstaking research I've devoted my life to has been superceded by a bunch of tin plated pepperpots?
Gilmore: Steady on.
Rachel: Steady on? You drag me down from Cambridge, you quote the Peace Time Emergency Powers Act at me, and then you expect me to advise on something outside the realm of human experience. Bluntly, Group Captain, we're reliant on the Doctor because only the Doctor knows what is going on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cemetery
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe: Get on with it. I want that coffin back at the warehouse.
Man: Guv.
Ratcliffe: What are you staring at?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mothership
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek: Emperor on the bridge.
Emperor: Report.
Dalek: The transmat is no longer operational.
Dalek 2: We have established the position of the Omega device.
Emperor: Prepare the assault shuttle.
Dalek 2: Renegade Dalek agents are in the area.
Emperor: They will surrender the Hand of Omega.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cemetery
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe: Haven't you got a home to go to? Come on, lads, put your backs into it. We haven't got all day.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cafe
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: Group Captain, we need to establish a forward base at the school. Can it be done?
Gilmore: Of course.
The Doctor: Thank you for your cooperation.
Gilmore: Only a fool argues with his doctor. Sergeant!
Mike: Sir?
Gilmore: Get Embery. Set up a command unit. Forward command on the third floor, defensive positions on the ground floor and the roof. Get a move on.
Mike: Yes, sir. All right, men, fall out. Follow me back to the school.
Gilmore: Professor Jensen, Miss Williams, follow me.
Allison: Jawohl. Coming, Professor Jensen?
Rachel: Of course, Miss Williams.
Allison: I wish Bernard was here.
Rachel: The British Rocket Group's got its own problems.
Ace: Harry, toast.
Harry: Coming, coming.
Ace: What's so important about the school?
The Doctor: Well, now that I've disabled the transmat, absolutely nothing. As long as the renegade Daleks have got the Hand of Omega, then the Imperial Daleks' attention will be focused on that.
Ace: So there are two sets of Daleks.
The Doctor: Yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe's office
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe: We have the Hand of Omega. It's out in the yard.
Computer: Excellent.
Ratcliffe: Good. I'll tell my man. After all, he found it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
School corridor
[SCENE_BREAK]
Allison: Mike? There's a phone call for you in the Headmaster's office.
Mike: Thanks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
School yard
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ace: Professor?
The Doctor: Yes?
Ace: If this place is so out of the way of the action, what are we doing here?
The Doctor: Keeping an eye on Group Captain Chunky Gilmore. Although why his men call him Chunky, I've no idea.
[SCENE_BREAK]
School corridor
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ace: They're really going for it.
The Doctor: That's the general idea. I want to keep the military fully occupied and out of the way.
Ace: Out of the way of what? Oh, Professor, you promised me, remember?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Staircase
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: A long time ago, on my home planet of Gallifrey, there lived a stellar engineer called Omega.
Ace: Stellar? As in stars? You mean he engineered stars?
The Doctor: Ace!
Ace: Sorry. Go on.
The Doctor: It was Omega who created the supernova that was the initial power source for Gallifreyan time travel experiments. He left behind him the basis on which Rassilon founded Time Lord society, and he left behind the Hand of Omega.
Ace: His hand? What good was that?
The Doctor: No, no, not his hand literally. No, no, it's called that because Time Lords have an infinite capacity for pretension.
Ace: I've noticed that.
The Doctor: The Hand of Omega is a mythical name for Omega's remote stellar manipulator, a device used to customise stars with. And didn't we have trouble with the prototype.
Ace: We?
The Doctor: They.
Ace: And the Daleks want it so they can recreate the time travel experiments? But you said that both Dalek factions can already travel in time.
The Doctor: Oh yes, Daleks have got time corridor technology, but it's very crude and nasty. What they want is the power that Time Lords have, and they'll get that with the Hand of Omega, or so they think.
Ace: And you have to try and stop them.
The Doctor: No, Ace, I want them to have it.
Ace: Eh?
The Doctor: My problem is trying to stop Group Captain Gilmore and his men getting diced in the crossfire.
Ace: So, all this is...
The Doctor: A massive deception, yes.
Ace: Oh, well devious. So the Daleks grab the Hand of Omega and go, and no one gets hurt. Brilliant.
The Doctor: Just one thing.
Ace: What?
The Doctor: I didn't expect two Dalek factions, and now I've got to make sure the wrong ones don't get their grubby little protuberances on it.
Ace: Shouldn't we take Mike?
The Doctor: No. Dalek hunting is a terminal pastime.
Ace: So what are we doing?
The Doctor: Dalek hunting.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe's yard
[SCENE_BREAK]
Black: Advance.
Black: Stay where you are.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe's office
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe: It's been a long and difficult struggle for myself and my men. Now we can afford to relax and reap the rewards. As I said, people need a firm hand. It's in their nature. They feel more comfortable with a strong leader, someone who knows when to be lenient and when to be harsh.
Ratcliffe: What have you done to those men? They were on our side!
Computer: You are a slave, Ratcliffe.
Girl: You were born to serve the Daleks.
Black: Patrol the area until the time controller is operational.
Greys: We obey.
Black: You will obey the Daleks or you will be exterminated. Activate the time controller.
Girl: Time controller activated. Calculating coordinates.
Black: You will come with us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Outside Ratcliffe's yard
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: This way.
The Doctor: The main staging area must be in that warehouse.
Ace: Are we going to have a look?
The Doctor: Might as well.
[SCENE_BREAK]
School corridor
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mike: I've checked the whole building, sir. There's no sign of Ace or the Doctor.
Gilmore: Right, deploy lookouts, take a squad and sweep the area. I want the Doctor found and brought back here.
Mike: Yes, sir. Okay, men, follow me.
Gilmore: You two, follow me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe's yard
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: Daleks.
The Doctor: Be quiet.
Ace: Is that it?
The Doctor: The Hand of Omega's inside this box. The most powerful and sophisticated remote stellar control manipulator device ever constructed.
Ace: Are you sure you want the Daleks to have it?
The Doctor: Absolutely. You know what you've got to do, don't you?
The Doctor: Yes, of course you do.
Ace: Is it alive?
The Doctor: In a manner of speaking, yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe's office
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ace: What is it?
The Doctor: Some kind of biomechanoid control system, for a small human. Of course, it's a battle computer!
Ace: But why would a human need to sit in it?
The Doctor: The Dalek's major drawback is their dependency on rationality and logic. The solution? Get a human, preferably young, imaginative, plug the child into the system, and their ingenuity and creativity are slaved to the battle computer.
Ace: That's well boggling.
The Doctor: It's obscene. Ah, now for the time controller.
Ace: Hey, is this it?
Ace: What is it?
The Doctor: It's a device the renegade Daleks use to travel through time. They've come a long way.
Ace: Have you busted it?
The Doctor: No, no, no, I don't want to lumber Earth with a load of desperate Daleks. I've merely put it out of phase. They'll be able to fix it, but it'll slow them down.
Ratcliffe (O.C.): What are you going to do to me?
Black (O.C.): Remain silent.
Girl: The time controller has been disabled!
Black: Instruct all Daleks to seek and destroy the intruder.
Black: Exterminate the Doctor! Crush all resistance!
Girl: I obey.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Street
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ace: Why didn't you just run off with the Hand of Omega and give it to the other Daleks?
The Doctor: With a bit of luck, the Imperial Daleks will wipe out the renegade faction. Besides, I can't just roll up and give it to them. They get suspicious.
Ace: Suspicious of what? You still haven't told me w...
The Doctor: Shush!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Outside Coal Hill School
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mike: All right, follow me and keep your eyes peeled for Ace and the Doctor. Move.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Outside the TARDIS
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ace: Hey, Doctor!
The Doctor: Yes?
Ace: Couldn't we just get in...
The Doctor: No, no, no, we've got work to do. Anyway, here come the military.
Mike: Where've you been?
The Doctor: Dalek hunting. Now it's the other way around. Is Gilmore back at the school?
Mike: Yes.
The Doctor: Good. We'll go back and smooth his troubled brow.
Mike: Ace, when we're finished with this lot, do you fancy going to the pictures?
Ace: You're confident. Why, what's on?
Mike: I don't know.
Ace: Doesn't matter. I've probably seen it on television anyway.
Mike: Huh? Daleks! Move it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
School corridor
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gilmore: Well, Doctor, I trust your little jaunt was successful.
The Doctor: Moderately so. I'm afraid we've brought back some Daleks with us.
Mike: I don't get it. They've got the Hand of Omega. Why don't they just leave?
The Doctor: How did you know that, Sergeant?
Mike: Ace told me.
Ace: You toe rag. You lying dirty scumbag.
The Doctor: It can wait.
Ace: You're finished. He's a grass, a dirty stinking grass! He's selling us out to the Daleks!
Gilmore: What's going on, Sergeant? What are they talking about?
Mike: I didn't know it was the Daleks, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ratcliffe's office
[SCENE_BREAK]
Computer: Imperial Dalek shuttlecraft entering atmosphere.
Black: We must defend the Hand of Omega. Withdraw all units. Return to base immediately.
Computer: I obey.
[SCENE_BREAK]
School yard
[SCENE_BREAK]
Computer (O.C.): Battle computer to all units. Withdraw immediately.
Dalek: Return to base.
[SCENE_BREAK]
School science lab
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ace: They're retreating, all of them. Wimps!
Rachel: Doctor, we've had a report of a radar contact.
The Doctor: On a re-entry curve from low orbit?
Rachel: Yes.
The Doctor: That'll be the Imperial Dalek shuttlecraft.
Gilmore: What? They're not landing a spaceship here.
The Doctor: Here? No. We're much too far from the main action.
Rachel: You're sure?
Ace: Cor!
The Doctor: Ace, get away from the window! Down!
The Doctor: I think I might have miscalculated. | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who explains what the 'Hand Of Omega' is? A: the 2 Dalek factions; Q: Who is fighting to obtain the Gallifreyan device? A: Ace; Q: Who makes an upsetting discovery? Summary: The Doctor explains what the 'Hand Of Omega' is, meanwhile the 2 Dalek factions struggle against each other to obtain the Gallifreyan device. Ace makes a upsetting discovery. |
Outside the school
Marco: Guys! Guys! Check it out. It's the poster for the semi-formal. Watch. Huh? C'mon, it's themed on those movie musicals from India. So hot right now.
Spinner: Yeah... if you're a big flaming- Mr. Del Rossi! Uh, what're you doing at our school on this fine morning?
Mr. Del Rossi: My company make-a the poster for your dance.
Marco: And... the tickets.
Paige: I'll need two... for the soon to be crowned king and queen of Degrassi.
Hazel: Excuse me? That's me and Jimmy.
Mr. Del Rossi: No, no, no, no, no. This year, the king is gonna be Marco Del Rossi. But... who's going to be beside him to share the glory?
Marco: Uh... pa. I'm chair of the committee this year, I'm not gonna have time for a date.
Mr. Del Rossi: Marco. All these beautiful girls over here, and not one you like?
(Marco smiles at Dylan.)
Mr. Del Rossi: You too shy, Marco. Spinner, help your friend, please.
Marco: Pa. We're gonna be late. Um... thank you.
In the hallway
Marco: (imitating his dad) "Oh, Marco, all these beautiful girls and there's not one you like?"
Dylan: Sounds beyond embarrassing.
Marco: Just to shut him up I wanted to say, "Papa, there is somebody I like. A guy."
Dylan: Anyone I know?
Marco: Uh, yeah, well... just... someone.
Dylan: So, um... you seen that new Zombie movie yet? Killer Rage?
Marco: Uh, Ellie did. She said it was a clever critique on consumerism and that it's scary too.
Dylan: I've just been waiting forever for it to come out, but you know, no one will go!
Marco: Oh eh um, it sounds cool, but zombie flicks they sort of freak me out heh...like bad.
Dylan: Alright, uh well Tom said he wanted to go so...got to go. At Toby and JT's Locker
JT: What's up dog? What do you think? (Holding up a cardboard cutout of himself) Here I am. There I am. Here I am. There I am. Pretty weird huh?
Toby: That's one word for it!
Some guy(Steve): Ok JT, time to give it back.
JT: Uh thanks for letting me borrow uh me.
Toby: I can't believe that cutouts going to be in the caf...our caf!
JT: I know! And schools across our fair land.
Toby: Just what the country needs...more JT!
JT: Take your cheap shots now my friend 'cause tonight the commercial hits the airwaves.
JT: Morning Manny. (As Manny walks past without saying hi)
JT: Hey we could have a launch party! Invite people over to watch my big debut.
Toby: Yeah too bad your apartment's so small.
JT: Yeah if only I knew someone with a big living room and a big TV.
Toby: Alright fine, you can have it at my place, just don't invite too many people.
JT: Oh no, no, the invite list will be hand picked. Very exclusive. (Looking at Manny) In the cafeteria
JT: (handing out flyers) JT York commercial launch party. Casa Kerwin Issacs. See ya there. Here you go guys. See you guys there!
Spinner: Do you like Dylan or what?
Marco: A little louder Spinner. I think a few kids in the back didn't hear you.
Spinner: Just answer the question.
Marco: Yeah, I mean he's the first guy I can actually see myself hooking up with, you know? Wait, why am I telling you this?
Spinner: What difference does it make? I'm your friend, I wanna help.
Marco: Ok. Yeah I like him, but I'm scared.
Spinner: Ok, but you need to get over that. Just ask the dude out. In the hallway
(Marco and Spinner looking at Dylan.)
Marco: How do I start?
Spinner: Dude, it's not grade nine public speaking. Just go up to him and say 'dude I like you, you like me, let's hook up'. Ok maybe not those exact words...but just go. C'mon!
Tom: Here's that cd I made you.
Dylan: Oh thanks Tom...Marco! Hey!
Marco: Hey I gotta jet. (Walking away sadly with Spinner)
In Ms. Hatzilako's class
Ms. Hatzilakos: So from an evolutionary standpoint bees are almost perfect and that's why in millennia they've barely changed.
(Spinner shows Marco a picture of a bee.)
Marco: Spin! Spin! I hate bees okay? They're like flying death monkeys.
Spinner: Dude, bees are small. You just smack them. Oh and speaking of bugs that need a smack, what's with Tom?
Marco: I, I don't even wanna hear his name ok? He stole my crush.
Spinner: C'mon.
Marco: No, it's a lost cause anyway. I mean I'm too young for Dylan and what do I know about sports man?! Nothing! I'm too girly...
Spinner: Dude, do not put yourself down ok? Dating's war, you have to be ready to fight dirty.
Marco: Look, all I know is that Dylan moved on, so maybe I should too.
In the hallway
Spinner: Dylan my man, what's going on?!
Dylan: Spinner...
Spinner: Yeah um, listen I need to talk to about your little friend Tommy boy. Ok. On the down low, the dude's got scabies.
Dylan: What?!
Spinner: I saw him in the shower. It's sick, it's disgust... (Sees Tom and hugs Dylan while Tom walks away)
Dylan: What is this, hug the homo day?
Spinner: Just care about you man. Showing you love.
Dylan: (sees Tom walking away and pushes Spin away) Spinner, I can't believe you man!
Spinner: I'm just trying to help out Marco. You like him right? Then ask him out!
Dylan: I don't think he's ready.
Spinner: What's the worst that could happen?
Dylan: Listen, I wasn't ready for my first date ok, and it was a disaster. I just don't want to put Marco through that.
Spinner: It won't happen!
Dylan: What do you know about being gay?
Spinner: Well, I know Marco and I know he likes you a lot. Just, just think about it ok? In the gym, cheer team performing
Paige: Great slide sweet potato. So I hear you're having...
JT: Sorry, I can't talk right now!
JT: Manny. Sorry, no pockets, just read it. (Hands her a flyer) Everyone's gonna be there. Emma, Liberty...
Manny: But this is at Ashley's house.
JT: Yeah but Toby said she was out for the night. I'd really like it if you came.
Manny: Me too, but I can't.
JT: Why? Just tell me.
Manny: At school when people talk about me I walk. At a party I'm stuck.
JT: Well what if I told you I won't let anyone say a word about you.
Manny: That's really sweet, but...
JT: Manny please, the commercial might seem dumb, but it's a dream come true.
Manny: Ok. I'll be there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the hallway
(Marco walking down the hall seeing couples everywhere.)
Dylan: Hey, we need to talk.
Marco: Uh ok.
Dylan: I just thought you should know that there's someone I like.
Marco: Oh, yeah I mean I understand. I'm too short, too young, too girly...
Dylan: And way too hard on yourself.
Marco: Are you messing with me?
Dylan: Guilty as charged.
Marco: You're such a jerk.
Dylan: Take it easy, I haven't even asked you out yet. So tonight, wanna go see that zombie movie or will it freak you out?
Marco: Yeah a little, but I want to.
Dylan: Good.
Marco: Good so it's a date?
Dylan: You bet!
At Spinner's House
Kendra: Spinner! Marco's here!
Marco: Spin! I'm dying. Here ok?! Fashion crisis! Do I go sporty, cowboy, vintage or clubby... I don't know.
Spinner: Uh dude, maybe you didn't get the memo. I'm straight.
Marco: Yeah, but your taste is way closer to Dylan's than mine is, so help me, please.
Spinner: Ok. It's like straight eye for the gay guy. (Holds up a shiny silver shirt) Ok uh, This? Uh Enrique called, he wants his shirt back. (Holds up a peasant type shirt) This whole Oliver Twist thing... (With an accent) please sir, don't wear this, you'll look like an idiot. (Holds up a western cowboy type shirt) Planning on wrestling cattle dude?
Marco: Don't throw that.
Spinner: Now this. Classy, sporty, very David Beckham and very Del Rossi.
Marco: Cool. Spin, I just wanna say thanks for, well for everything.
Spinner: Yeah, don't get mushy. At Spinner's front door
Spinner: Marco!
Marco: Yeah.
Dylan: Good evening Mr. Mason, Marco ready?
Marco: You bet! You look nice.
Dylan: Thanks, so do you. (looking at Marco's hat)
Marco: Except for this.
Dylan: Well I mean it's great...for a club.
Marco: Yeah. (throws hat) Spin tried to warn me. I'm so stupid.
Dylan: Marco, its fine. It's just a hat.
Marco: Ok. Oh my god! Bee in the car! Bee! Bee! Bee! (Jumping up and out of the car)
Marco: Sorry...um, I have a bit of a bee phobia. At a fast food restaurant at the mall
Marco: So you don't think I'm completely lame?
Dylan: Your bee phobia? Pales in comparison to my fear of killer whales. My mom took me to a marine park for my 10th birthday and I volunteered to be kissed by the whale. When it leapt from the water it just had this look in its eye like I'm going to kill you. I ran from the park screaming. Guess I'm a freak huh?
Marco: No actually, you're pretty great.
Dylan: I think you're pretty great too. At Toby's house
Toby: Hand picked invite list?! Exclusive?!
JT: (shrugs) Oh this is it! This is it!
Commercial: (Jt speaking) Yo dawg! These fries are whicky whicky whack. What they need is some stupid, supafly flavour. First we give them the mad curl, then we dunk them in the dope batter. Then it's time to kick the supafly fry flavor. A crazy combo of 7 slammin' spices. That supa fly taste is off the chain yo! Hey don't, get off my fries dawg! Get your fry on with supafly fries.
(Cough, cough.)
JT: Uh, Guess it wasn't really off the chain then...
Jimmy: Look if people do make fun of you tomorrow just tell them um, don't be all up in my fries dawg!
At the movies
(Marco trying to hold Dylan's hand then pulling away.)
Dylan: It's ok!
(Marco and Dylan holding hands.)
Outside the theatre
Dylan: What about that freeze and that zombie freeze just came running after him like that.
Marco: No the part where the zombie just tore off his arm! God I nearly...
Dylan: I know!
Marco: I can't believe it, they're here.
Dylan: Who, flesh eating zombies?
Marco: Worse, my parents, ok?!
Marco's mom: Oh Marco!
Marco: Hey ma...
Marco's mom: I thought you were studying with spinner?
Marco: Uh, Spinner got sick. Actually I bumped into Paige's brother Dylan!
Marco's dad: You are Dylan? My son he talk about you all the time.
Dylan: He does?
Marco's dad: Yes, he say you great hockey player and I love hockey. Why don't you come to dinner with us?!
Marco: Mom we already ate.
Marco's mom: You know how your father gets. At a restaurant
Marco's dad: So, you play forward? Which line?
Dylan: Up first. I'm a pretty high scorer.
Marco's Dad: How nice. How about with the girls? Hehe, not like Marco.
Marco: Pa!
Marco's dad: I'm just saying you're young! Right now it should be girls, girls, girls.
Marco's mom: Like Gabriella? From church!
Marco: Ma, she's 300 pounds!
Marco's mom: She's big...but nice. Maybe Dylan would like her.
Marco: No he wouldn't.
Marco's mom: Hmph.
Waiter: How are you all doing? Can I get you anything?
Marco's dad: No we ok, thank you. How can a fruity boy carry those plates with those limp wrists.
Marco's dad: I never understand that kind! Two men together. It's disgusting.
Marco: Pa!
Marco's dad: Hey it's sickening!
Marco: Pa stop!
Dylan: The time! Uh, I've got early practice tomorrow, so uh nice meeting you both!
Marco's dad: Nice to meet you too! That's a nice boy.
Marco's mom: (smacks Marco's dad) How can you say that?
Marco's dad: Say what?
Marco's mom: You got a big mouth.
Marco's dad: I got a big mouth...!
(His parent's quietly arguing.)
Outside school
Jay: Hey where's you dog, dawg?
Sean: Has it been getting up in your fries?
Manny: That's a fun way to start the day...JT your commercial sucked.
JT: Thanks.
Manny: But you didn't. You were great.
JT: Well you mind telling everyone in the school that?
Manny: Coming from the school tramp, I don't think they'd listen.
JT: I do not want to go in there.
Manny: I know but we've got Armstrong's test... We have to get our math on!
JT: I'm so gunna kill you. (Chasing after Manny) Outside school
Marco: Look Spinner, ok it was the date from hell and I don't know how I'm gunna face Dylan today.
Spinner: Well you're about to find out.
Dylan: Hey.
Marco: Hey.
Dylan: Talk to you a sec?
Marco: Ok. Look you don't have to explain about what my dad said.
Dylan: It was stupid and offensive, but you know we've both heard worse.
Marco: Yeah but the way you just ran off like that.
Dylan: You looked like you were going into cardiac arrest. I was sparing you.
Marco: Man after that pimp hat and the bee incident and then what my dad said, I just...I thought you were never gonna talk to me again.
Dylan: Well that crossed my mind, but I do think you're pretty cute.
Marco: So then, does that mean I get another shot? A chance to redeem myself?
Dylan: Well that depends (leans in and kisses Marco) what are you doing this Friday? Scenes for next week
Emma: What is your problem?
Alex: You.
Voiceover: Everyone's feeling the pressure.
Ashley: (to the camera) These are the best years of my life?
Spinner: I can't handle this.
Paige: Tomorrow we're taking the day off.
Voiceover: A day filled with fun becomes a day for decisions.
Ashley: You just don't get it do you? I'm leaving Degrassi. | Plan: A: his first date; Q: What is Marco prepared to go on since coming out of the closet? A: his sights; Q: What does Marco set on Dylan? A: J.T.; Q: Who hosts a party after he stars in a commercial for french fries? Summary: Marco is prepared to go on his first date since coming out of the closet and sets his sights on Dylan. Meanwhile, J.T. hosts a party after he stars in a commercial for french fries. However, the feedback is less than stellar due to the rather cheesy nature of it. |
•I prefer that you link to this transcript on the Psyche site rather than post it on your site, but you can post it on your site if you want, as long as you keep my name and email address on it. Please also keep my disclaimers intact. •You can use my transcripts in your fanfiction stories; you don't have to ask my permission. (However, if you use large portions of episode dialogue in your fanfic, I recommend you give credit to the person who wrote the episode.) •I apologize in advance for my lame transcription of the fight scenes. I don't know the names of different punches and kicks. Use your imagination.
[SCENE_BREAK]
GILES VOICEOVER: Previously...
Buffy and Spike in the crypt.
BUFFY: I'm using you.
SPIKE: Oh, this is worse then, is it? This is you telling me...
BUFFY: It's over. The Geek Trio in their lair.
JONATHAN: Where've you guys been?
ANDREW: Checking out Buffy on the van's remote surveillance. Buffy and Willow in the Summers house.
BUFFY: I thought you were gonna go see Tara. Tara and another girl kissing each other in the school hallway.
WILLOW VOICEOVER: She's ... seeing someone else. They're probably just friends. Anya at the wedding that wasn't.
ANYA: Xander's gone? Xander's missing? Xander at the house.
XANDER: Is she here?
WILLOW: She left a couple days ago.
BUFFY: She was ... kinda broken.
XANDER: I love her, and, god, I miss her so much. Dawn, Buffy, and Anya in Dawn's room.
DAWN: No! Anya opening a box. Dawn's stolen jewelry falling out.
ANYA: How could you do this? Buffy beating up Xander in the kitchen in "Normal Again." Buffy holding Dawn down.
DAWN: Buffy, stop! No! Dawn, Willow, and Xander tied up in the basement in "Normal Again."
BUFFY: I'm so sorry.
XANDER: We're okay, it's all okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Teaser
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cut out and we see it's two vampires running, looking nervously behind them. Cut out farther and we see three all-terrain vehicles chasing the vampires. Cut closer to reveal the Geek Trio on the ATVs, holding long stakes like jousting spears. Warren gives a yell or laugh of excitement as the chase continues.
WARREN: Ha ha!
ANDREW: They're getting to the gate!
WARREN: I see it, I see it! The vampires continue fleeing. Now we see one of them has something in his hand: a flat round metallic disk three or four inches in diameter. The Geeks continue pursuing. One vampire grabs a branch from a passing tree. The branch breaks off and he throws it at the ATVs. The branch hits Andrew in the face and he loses control of his vehicle. He falls off as Jonathan roars up behind him. Jonathan and Warren swerve to avoid hitting Andrew. Jonathan side-swipes a gravestone, shattering it. He ends up riding head-on toward Warren. They both stop just in time but go tumbling off their vehicles and onto the ground. Andrew comes limping over.
ANDREW: We're gonna lose 'em. We see the vampires still running. They have almost reached the wide gate that marks the exit to the cemetery. Jonathan and Warren get to their feet.
JONATHAN: We need that disk. The vampires run through the gate and onto the street, only to be attacked by Buffy. She hits the first vamp and grabs the second, but he twists out of her grip. The disk goes clattering across the pavement. The second vamp kicks at Buffy but she blocks, hits him and throws him against the gate. He falls to the ground and Buffy turns to the other vamp. The Nerd Herd stands watching.
WARREN: Wait. The fight continues, moves around the gate and out of the Geeks' view. Warren moves forward. The second vamp gets to his feet and prepares to rejoin the fight. But suddenly he rises up off the ground. Reveal Spike sitting atop the stone pillar of the gate, holding the vampire by the back of his shirt, calmly watching Buffy. The vamp struggles ineffectively. The Geeks walk closer, carefully. Buffy gets the first vamp in a strangle-hold, tries to stake him but he holds her arm off. Spike continues watching and holding the second vamp in the air. The first vamp gets loose from Buffy's hold and hits her. Warren crawls across the ground toward the disk. He gets to it, grabs it. Andrew and Jonathan start to run off, as Warren follows. Buffy never saw them. The first vamp throws Buffy to the ground and reaches for her throat.
SPIKE: How you doin'?
BUFFY: (holding the vamp off) Oh, fine. You know, same old same old.
SPIKE: Here, I could take care of this guy if you want.
BUFFY: Whatever. Buffy kicks the first vamp off and flips to her feet.
BUFFY: Your call.
SPIKE: I mean, sure he don't look like much...
VAMP 2: Hey!
SPIKE: ...but I'd wager he could give you a bit o' nasty. (Buffy kicking Vamp 1) Save you the staking. (Buffy throwing Vamp 1 to the ground) All you gotta do is-
BUFFY: I am not telling my friends about us.
SPIKE: Right, I'll just be dropping him down to you then.
BUFFY: (still struggling with Vamp 1) You wanna tell them so badly? Go ahead. She finally manages to get a hand free and stakes the first vamp. Buffy stands up and walks over to the gate, looks up at Spike and the still dangling Vamp 2.
BUFFY: You know why? I tried to kill my friends, my sister, last week ... and guess how much they hate me. Zero. Zero much. (shrugs) So I'm thinking, sleeping with you? (Spike looking annoyed) They'll deal. She turns to go. Spike lets Vamp 2 go. He falls to the ground and rushes at Buffy from behind.
SPIKE: In that case, why won't you sleep with me again? Vamp 2 pauses, looks back at Spike in confusion.
VAMP 2: Huh? Buffy turns back, stakes the vamp and glares at Spike. Turns again and resumes walking.
BUFFY: (quietly as she walks away) Because I don't love you. Spike looks down, pouts.
SPIKE: (to himself) Like hell.
Cut to Xander's apartment. It's dimly lit and very red. Sad music plays -- "Sao Paulo Rain" by Tom McRae. And midnight graffiti appears on your door Pan across to reveal Xander sitting on the floor holding a bottle of beer. He takes a sip, stares blankly. So we all can sleep safe in our homes Xander takes another sip of beer, continues staring blankly. And the storms in the distance hold no rain... Xander picks up a remote control and pushes a button. The music stops. He looks around in the silence. Gets up. He walks over to a chair, picks up a jacket and puts it on as he leaves the apartment.
Cut to the front of the building. Xander exits, goes down the walkway toward the street. Pan over to some bushes. We see Anya standing behind them, watching him go. Wolf howl. Opening credits. Guest starring Danny Strong, Adam Busch, Tom Lenk, Kali Rocha, and Amber Benson as Tara. Written by Drew Z. Greenberg, directed by James A. Contner.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act I
[SCENE_BREAK]
Exterior college campus, day. Students walking around, talking, etc.
Cut to inside hallway. Willow stands beside a classroom door holding books. Students are walking out of the classroom. Tara exits the classroom, also holding books. She doesn't see Willow, begins walking. Willow rushes to intercept her, smiling. Willow grabs Tara's shoulder.
TARA: Hey!
WILLOW: Hey. Look at you. All coming out of class and everything. (they continue walking)
TARA: (smiling) I do that sometimes. Usually at the end part of the class.
WILLOW: Right. (nervous laugh)
TARA: So how's your, you know, after the whole basement deal? (gesturing at her neck)
WILLOW: (puts hand to her neck) It's between a hitch and a kink, with a side of a twinge. It's okay. (smiling)
TARA: And Buffy's okay too? Enjoying the refreshing sanity and so forth? (stops walking)
WILLOW: (loud fake laugh) Ha, yeah! Refreshing san - that's funny. (more seriously) She's okay. A little ... freaked. I'm glad she didn't hurt you.
TARA: You too. Pause. They resume walking.
TARA: So, this is becoming kind of a regular thing, you and me after class.
WILLOW: (nervous) Uh, I didn't...
TARA: Only this time you stuck around.
WILLOW: Uh, um ... various sounds of hesitation...
TARA: She was just a friend.
WILLOW: (relieved, nervous laugh) Friends are nice!
TARA: (smiles) You rushed off before I could, you know, explain.
WILLOW: Well, officially, I have to say I have no idea what you're talking about.
TARA: Unofficially? Tara stop walking, gives a teasing look. Willow smiles hugely, then calms down but still looks happy.
WILLOW: We should have some coffee some time. (nervously) Uh, maybe some day ... this week after class?
TARA: (small smile) I'm free tomorrow.
WILLOW: Uh, you could, you could bring your friend.
TARA: (surprised) I wasn't gonna - I-I mean, if you have a friend-
WILLOW: No! (quickly) I'm, oh, I-I'm friendless.
TARA: Yeah, yeah, no friends. (quickly) I-I mean, I have friends-
WILLOW: Right, many dear friends, yeah. They both laugh and fidget nervously.
TARA: (sighing, smiling) Coffee.
WILLOW: With us. Who are ... just friends. (both nodding at each other)
Cut to: exterior street mall, day. Lots of people walking around, shopping etc.
BUFFY: (OS) Okay, how about this store? Long shot of Buffy and Dawn walking along. Buffy points at a store window.
DAWN: Ah. Three pairs of earrings, a coin purse and a toothbrush.
BUFFY: (dubious) You stole a toothbrush.
DAWN: (defensive) A mother-of-pearl handle. Very fancy.
BUFFY: Yeah, but you stole a toothbrush. As far as rebellious teenagers go, you're kinda square.
DAWN: (smiling) Dental hygiene is important.
BUFFY: Guess this was kind of a lame sisters' day out, huh? I make up for trying to kill you by taking you to places you can't go in.
DAWN: No, it's my bad. I'm the one that got caught taking stuff.
BUFFY: (noticing something offscreen, pointing) Hey, how about the pet store? You didn't take anything from there, did you?
DAWN: A pocketful of goldfish. It didn't work out. Beat. They continue walking as Buffy stares at Dawn.
DAWN: (laughing) No!
BUFFY: (smiling) Okay, good. We can go, and we can look at all the puppies.
DAWN: (grimacing) Ehh. It's so awful! There's puppy mills, and keeping them in cages, and, and people poking at them all day.
BUFFY: Yeah, but puppies, cute! Come on, you used to love the pet store.
DAWN: Yes, when I was in my fives and sixes. (sees Buffy looking disappointed) Uh, come on, we'll go look. (looking around) Besides, I don't think there's another store here where I can ... show my face.
BUFFY: It'll pass. You've returned all the stuff that you still had, and we're paying for the rest.
DAWN: I'm paying for the rest.
BUFFY: We'll figure it out. They look at each other.
Cut to: close-up of the disk from earlier. We see that it has symbols drawn in concentric rings on its surface. It sits on a table leaning against a small glass jar filled with yellow liquid.
JONATHAN: (OS) Get back. Reveal Jonathan sitting by the table holding a glass mortar and pestle. The table also holds an array of test tubes, and the requisite arrangement of curly tubes and jars filled with liquids of various colors. Warren stands by Jonathan's shoulder.
JONATHAN: You don't want to make me rush this. (mixing stuff in the mortar)
WARREN: I'm not impressed, padawan. When do we hit pay-dirt?
JONATHAN: If something goes wrong, it's gonna surge... (Warren pacing to the other side) ...and we'll be deader than an ex-girlfriend.
WARREN: (pauses, whirls to stare at Jonathan) What did you say?
JONATHAN: (annoyed) Just let me work!
WARREN: (playing it cool) All right. All right, you do what you need to do. You get us to the goods, and then watch out! (smiles) It'll gonna be like ... it'll be like the whole world just spread open and gave it up for you, man. Jonathan doesn't look thrilled by that. He looks up at Warren.
JONATHAN: (quietly) And then we're done, right? We each take our share and we call it a day.
WARREN: You that ready to get rid of us? Huh? In background Andrew appears, pretends to be doing something but really is listening in.
WARREN: Don't worry. We pull this off, you can go buy any tropical island you want. (Jonathan still looking grim) Aw, cheer up, Short Round. You're about to get us everything we ever wanted. Jonathan still looks displeased but he nods and turns back to the chemistry set. Warren turns away, goes over to Andrew.
WARREN: (quietly) He's almost done. (shot of Jonathan working)
ANDREW: I sorta feel ... kinda sorry for him.
WARREN: (glares at him) That's a weakness.
ANDREW: (uncertain) Um ... okay.
WARREN: Look at him. (shot of Jonathan working, frowning)
ANDREW: He's got that same look on his face, the one he had that time I highlighted in his Babylon 5 novels. Andrew smiles at the memory, suddenly realizes something.
ANDREW: Right before he told his mother on me! Warren! I don't think we can trust him.
WARREN: We don't have to. Not for that much longer.
ANDREW: Is it gonna be that soon?
WARREN: The milk. In the fridge. How long 'til it expires?
ANDREW: Well, we got it on Friday, and I remember noticing there wasn't a full two weeks on it, (Warren rolling his eyes) but we did get it in the fridge pretty quick, unless I'm thinking of the two-percent milk...
WARREN: (annoyed) Forget it. It was a thing. (explaining) It's gonna be soon.
ANDREW: (pretending to get it) Oh. Wow. They nod at each other.
Cut to Xander's apartment, night. Xander enters from the hallway, closes the door behind him, turns around, sees something and stops. Reveal Anya sitting at the table. She stands up quickly.
XANDER: Oh my god. He walks quickly toward her. She backs away, twisting her hands nervously.
XANDER: How are you?
ANYA: Ducky. You?
XANDER: (holding out a hand toward her) Ahn. (sighs) Please. Let me, uh, explain. Anya watches him, still fidgeting with her hands and looking nervous.
XANDER: I know there's nothing that I can say or do to make up for what I did. I can't. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, 'oh god, is this my life? Was that me?'
ANYA: (softly) Me too.
XANDER: But you gotta believe me, please. I want to make up for it. I want to take away the hurt. (small sigh) I love you so much. Anya looks touched, seems to be softening up a bit.
XANDER: (embarrassed smile) I, I may have practiced that a couple times in front of the mirror.
ANYA: I just ... don't understand what happened.
XANDER: I do. I'm an idiot. All I had to do was say something earlier. (Anya looks surprised) I could have spared you from that ... that nightmare. Through this speech Anya begins to frown and look hurt again. She backs away a few steps and folds her arms.
ANYA: Said something about what?
XANDER: (makes "uh-oh" face) No, no! I mean, you know, if I were, like, more ... self-aware. Because, with the whole idiot thing.
ANYA: (arms still folded, angrily) If you had been more self-aware, you would have what? (Xander looking alarmed) Been able to stop the wedding?
XANDER: No no, it's not like that, that's not what... (pauses, frustrated sigh) Okay, see, I didn't practice this part.
ANYA: (firmly) Do you still want to get married? Close on Xander's face. He hesitates, looks unsure. Anya looks upset.
ANYA: (very quietly) Oh.
XANDER: Ahn, it's a very complicated question.
ANYA: (getting teary) No, actually, it's really not. It's kind of an either-or deal. Do you want to get married?
XANDER: Someday, yes, very much. When we're ready. (Anya looking very hurt) I don't want you to take this as a bad thing. It's good. (Anya looking resigned, annoyed) I love you, I love you so much, I'm just trying to be honest with you.
ANYA: (angry) Yes, honesty *now*. Congratulations, Xander, on being honest now. I wonder what the medal will say.
XANDER: (confused) Okay, clearly I'm not handling this well.
ANYA: (yelling) Well, duh! She turns away, walks a few steps away. Xander walks a few steps toward her. Shot of both with Anya in foreground, her back to Xander, arms crossed and looking angry; Xander in background.
XANDER: All I want is for us to be together. I love you, I ... I wish we could just go back to the way things were before. Anya's face slowly morphs into her demon face.
ANYA: (demon voice) And I wish you were never born! Blackout.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act II
[SCENE_BREAK]
Exterior shot of Xander's apartment building, night.
Cut to inside. Still the same scene. Anya stands with her back to Xander, her demon face on, arms folded.
XANDER: I know this is all coming out wrong. Anya morphs back into human face, frowning in confusion. She turns around to look at Xander.
ANYA: (angry) I wish you felt the pain of a thousand searing pokers boiling your heart in its own juices!
XANDER: I know, honey. I totally deserve that.
ANYA: (confused) I ... I wish you had tentacles where your beady eyes should be! I wish your intestines were tied in knots and ripped apart inside your lousy gut!
XANDER: (sadly) They are.
ANYA: (hopeful) Really? (Xander nods) Right now? Does it hurt?
XANDER: God, yes. It hurts so bad it's killing me. Anya ... I love you, I want to make this work.
ANYA: (annoyed) Those are metaphor intestines! You're not in any real pain! What's wrong with me?
XANDER: No, honey, it's not you, it's me. That-
ANYA: (frustrated) Ohh! She shoves past him and goes storming toward the door.
XANDER: Ahn! Ahn! Wait. Please. Anya yanks the door open and exits. Xander goes to the door and stands in the doorway, looking down the hall at her.
XANDER: Ahn!
HALFREK VOICEOVER: So there was no child support in, like, eleven years...
Cut to: a restaurant, day. Halfrek and Anya sit at a table. Halfrek holds a coffee cup. Anya is fiddling with a yellow flower, not really listening to Halfrek.
HALFREK: ...not a single check, so now, every time he picks up a piece of paper that isn't a check for the child? Paper cut. Halfrek laughs cheerfully. Anya is oblivious.
HALFREK: Oh, you know how I hate to toot my own horn ... but now his hands are just covered in all these tiny little bandages. (smiling) Like a quilt. (chuckles) You know, made of bandages. Halfrek looks over at Anya, finally notices that she isn't paying attention. Anya looks up.
ANYA: Hmm?
HALFREK: Okay, do they not teach listening skills in Human World? (puts down coffee cup)
ANYA: I'm sorry. I know. (puts the flower back into its vase on the table) I'm just distracted.
HALFREK: What, about this thing with Xander? Don't worry, you'll figure out a way to-
ANYA: No, that's just it, I've tried everything. I tried every curse I knew, nothing's worked.
HALFREK: Wait. Did you try to curse him yourself?
ANYA: Yeah, I am the wronged party here, of course I-
HALFREK: You can't exact justice against someone on behalf of yourself, silly! (laughs) How long have you been away?
ANYA: I haven't been scorned by a man in, like, a thousand years. I never had to make a wish for myself. There has to be some way around that.
HALFREK: Well ... (thinks) You could try getting someone to make the wish for you. I suppose. Anya stares at her, contemplating this. A very small smile appears on her face.
Cut to: exterior Summers house, day.
Cut to the kitchen. Dawn walks in and stares at the kitchen island.
DAWN: Uh ... did we open a chain? Close shot on the island set with two place settings, bowls of fruit, four bottles of syrup. Reveal Buffy standing by the stove holding a spatula and frying pan. Several cereal boxes lined up on the counter.
DAWN: Are we the International House of something?
BUFFY: Nope. Got up early, and it felt like a breakfast kind of morning. (puts pancakes from the pan onto a plate) Okay, what kind of syrup do you want on your pancakes?
DAWN: (amazed) Syrups have kinds?
BUFFY: Oh! Also, you know, I was thinking, (turns away to put the pan in the sink) after the mall yesterday, maybe we, we shouldn't go out tonight, you know, maybe we could stay in and, uh, (taking toast from the toaster) ow ... um, you know, get a pizza, or, uh, rent a movie?
DAWN: Um...
BUFFY: (putting plateful of toast on the island) Also, I didn't know if, you know, if you had plans this weekend, (turns to grab the cereal boxes) but I thought, maybe we could...
DAWN: Hey, Buffy? Buffy pauses, looking at Dawn, with a large armful of cereal boxes.
DAWN: (quietly) I'm gonna be okay with the basement thing. Really. You weren't you.
BUFFY: (quietly) This isn't guilt. I want us to spend time.
DAWN: Okay. Good. I love spending time-
BUFFY: (realizing) But I'm cramping your teenage style.
DAWN: No-
BUFFY: Yes, I am. (alarmed) I'm the embarrassing mom who tries too hard. When did this happen?
DAWN: (smiling) No, you're not, it's not that, it's just ... what if, instead of you hanging out with me? Maybe I could hang out with you. Buffy stares blankly, not getting it.
DAWN: Why don't I come patrolling with you tonight?
BUFFY: Oh. And then? Maybe we can invite over some strangers and ask them to feed you candy.
DAWN: Well, you guys went out patrolling every night when you were my age.
BUFFY: True ... but technically, you're one-and-a-half. Dawn gives her patented adolescent exasperated look.
BUFFY: See, I thought a little levity might ... but okay, also no.
DAWN: I just ... I just think I could help.
BUFFY: I'm sure you could. But it's a little more dangerous than I had in mind.
DAWN: But-
BUFFY: Dawn, I work very hard to keep you away from that stuff. Okay, I don't want you around dangerous things that can kill you.
DAWN: Which would be a perfectly reasonable argument, if my sister was chosen to protect the world from tax audits? But, see, my sister is you, and ... dangerous things that want to kill me seem to find me.
BUFFY: But you don't need to go looking for them. Beat. Dawn gives Buffy a pleading look.
BUFFY: Now eat up. You're gonna be late for school. Buffy turns back to the stove. Dawn sighs quietly and sits down.
Cut to: the Espresso Pump, day.
TARA: (OS) Okay, wait, it was under her wig? Pan across various customers to reveal Tara and Willow sitting at a table with cups of coffee. Both smiling as Willow tells the story of the old lady in episode "Double Meat Palace."
WILLOW: Well, it was this thing, it just came out from inside her head.
TARA: That's disgusting! What did it look like?
WILLOW: Well, let's put it this way, if I wasn't gay before...
TARA: (laughing) God, and this was *after* the invisible ray?
WILLOW: Yep.
TARA: Okay, I'm gone for a couple of months-
WILLOW: Oh, did I tell you about the demon eggs?
TARA: See, now, now I know you're just trying to make me jealous.
WILLOW: (grinning) So, what, no rollicking adventures in the dorms?
TARA: (quieter) Mm, it's not the same. It's not like living with a house full of family, or sharing a room with someone you...
WILLOW: ...are friends with? As they gaze at each other, Anya walks up.
ANYA: Hi.
WILLOW: Oh my god. You're back. (hugs Anya)
TARA: We've been so worried.
ANYA: Yeah, sorry. I needed to, you know ... I couldn't stay here. Not after ... everything that happened.
TARA: No, no no, we, we totally understand.
WILLOW: But, you're back now, right?
ANYA: It's complicated. (sits) You know, and there's a lot to deal with.
WILLOW: Well, if there's anything we can do, just let us-
ANYA: Actually ... um ... there is an eensy something I could use a little help with. You're lesbians, so the hating of men will come in handy. Willow and Tara look at each other in puzzlement.
ANYA: (cheerfully) Let's talk about Xander.
Cut to: Magic shop, day. Close on Dawn.
DAWN: He feels awful. Reveal Anya facing Dawn.
ANYA: You think it's anywhere close to what I feel?
DAWN: No, but-
ANYA: What if it were you, Dawn? What if ... all you dreamed about was that magical day? (Dawn looking chastised) The day when the one person you loved with all your soul would promise to cherish and protect your heart for the rest of his life, but instead he shatters it into a million jagged pieces? Cut back to the coffee shop.
TARA: Well, it's, it's not really so much about hating the men.
WILLOW: We're more centered around the ... (smirking) girl on girl action. (Tara grinning)
ANYA: And men really like to watch that kind of stuff, don't they? Men like Xander.
Cut to: exterior Summers house, day. Anya and Buffy stand on the front porch, leaning against the two pillars on either side of the door, facing each other.
BUFFY: I don't think he could feel any worse.
ANYA: Let's test that theory.
BUFFY: Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong, and ... if it had happened to me, I'd-
ANYA: (hopefully) Wish his pen1s would explode? Cut back to the magic shop.
DAWN: I never use that word anymore.
ANYA: Coagulate?
DAWN: W-i-s-h.
ANYA: Oh, wish! As in 'I wish Xander-'
DAWN: Right! That word. There's vengeance demons out there that are still active, remember? Any 'I wish' could totally end in horrible grossness.
ANYA: Gimme a for-instance?
Cut to the Summers porch.
BUFFY: I don't really think I should.
ANYA: Did I mention the whole 'left at the altar' thing? Didn't leave that out, did I?
BUFFY: No. (shakes head) Look, I - I know what he did was wrong. God, if it happened to me, I ... I-I, it must have been torture.
ANYA: (excited) Okay! Let's talk about torture!
Cut to the magic shop. Dawn looks very dubious.
ANYA: So. Tell me more about wishing Xander's brains and guts would go blooey.
DAWN: I didn't say that.
ANYA: Yes you did.
DAWN: No I didn't.
ANYA: I heard you.
DAWN: I swear, I didn't say that.
ANYA: Didn't say what?
DAWN: Um ... I just saw you were back and wanted to talk to you about working off my debt. (nervous chuckle) You know, my whole sticky-fingers, grabby-hands thing?
ANYA: Oh, right, the mad thieving! Good, yes, there 's much to do. (mock stern) I'm gonna put you to work, missy! Anya gives a fake laugh. Dawn continues to look dubiously at her.
ANYA: So, back to Xander's brains and guts...
Cut to the Summers porch. Now Anya and Buffy are sitting on the step.
ANYA: Squish squish squish! Guys have been running roughshod over you for years. (Buffy nodding, pouting, reluctantly agreeing) Torturing that perky little ticker. Aren't you sick of it? Don't you wish guys like that-
BUFFY: Whoa. Guys? There have only been four - three! Three! Three guys. That's barely plural.
ANYA: And didn't each of them rip your heart out? Don't men like that, as to pick an example, Xander, deserve to be punished?
Cut to the coffee shop.
WILLOW: Well, Xander is a guy, so ... (Tara looking confused) it's kinda not the surprise that he likes to watch ... girls ... Why are we talking about this?
ANYA: (annoyed) We're comforting me!
TARA: Well, I-I guess it's ... natural for guys to be interested in-
ANYA: God! What kind of lesbians are you?! If you love men so much, go love men! Anya jumps up and grabs her to-go coffee cup, storms off.
Cut to the Summers porch. Anya has stood up there too and started to storm off.
BUFFY: Anya, I know you're hurting, but-
ANYA: What? Xander doesn't deserve to suffer for what he did 'cause he's your friend, and I'm not, right? I get it.
BUFFY: No. That's not what I'm saying at all. What he did was wrong. He knows that.
ANYA: (upset) It just, it hurts. He hurt me so much.
BUFFY: (gets up) He really did. (puts hand on Anya's arm) Look, I-I wish that...
XANDER: (OS) Anya? Xander walks up. Buffy and Anya look at him.
ANYA: (angry) Well, congratulations. They all still love you. Even after what you did to me. She starts to walk off. Xander starts to follow, but Buffy grabs him.
XANDER: Anya, wait...
BUFFY: Okay. Not, not crazy about that idea.
XANDER: What are you doing? I have to go after her.
BUFFY: Or, in the land of the sane, you could give her some space, let her cool down.
XANDER: (frustrated) That's not Proactive Guy. (pacing) That's Sit-Around-And ... Watch-The-Rest-of-Your-Life-To-Turn-To-Crap Guy. As Xander paces, we get a shot of the tree on the front lawn. There are a few straggly plants around the tree's base, and a little ceramic garden gnome nestled among the plants.
BUFFY: True, uh, but at least Crap Guy gets to keep all of his appendages.
XANDER: And I'm supposed to what? Walk away? (Buffy looking sympathetic) Shouldn't be too hard. It's what I'm good at, right? Xander kicks out in frustration, smashing the garden gnome.
BUFFY: Okay, see, that's exactly why a heart-to-heart is probably not your best course of action right now. (Xander still pacing) When you're both angry and upset and ... what the hell is that creepy little thing doing in my yard? Buffy walks forward, looking down at the bits of gnome. Xander looks at them too.
BUFFY: Did Willow put that there when I was dead? 'Cause if I had known, I would have crawled out of the grave sooner to-
XANDER: Buffy. They both kneel beside the gnome's head. We can clearly see a tiny camera inside it. Xander picks it up.
BUFFY: Oh my god.
XANDER: Looks like someone's been keeping an eye on all your ins and outs.
BUFFY: What the who?
XANDER: Well, now, let's see. Who's obsessed with Buffy? Who likes to hang out in her yard and keep an eye on her? Who's in love with you and not getting any? Buffy looks grim.
Cut to: close-up of a hand holding the camera.
SPIKE: What's this? We see that we're in Spike's crypt. Spike is holding the camera up to look at it as Buffy stands confronting him.
BUFFY: It's a camera.
SPIKE: Yeah, I got that part. Why am I holding it?
BUFFY: Someone was using it to spy on me. On my house. (Spike frowning) Xander thinks it's you.
SPIKE: Oh, the great Xander thinks so! Shudder gasp! It must be true!
BUFFY: Spike-
SPIKE: That ponce has always had it for me. Every chance he gets, he sticks it- He pauses, looking at Buffy.
SPIKE: (outraged) You believe him, don't you? You think I was spying on you. Buffy doesn't answer.
SPIKE: You think I could do that?
BUFFY: Because you don't lie or cheat or steal or manipulate... Spike gives her back the camera.
SPIKE: (quietly) I don't hurt you. He walks a few steps away.
BUFFY: I know.
SPIKE: No, you don't. I've tried to make it clear to you, but you won't see it. (pauses) Something happened to me. The way I feel ... about you ... it's different. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself it isn't, it's real.
BUFFY: I think it is. Beat. He looks at her.
BUFFY: For you. She turns to walk away. Spike looks hurt. Buffy pauses by the door, turns back.
BUFFY: I know that's not what you want to hear. I'm sorry. I really am. But, Spike, you have to move on. You have to get over-
SPIKE: (softly) Get out. Buffy looks grim, turns and leaves.
Cut to: magic shop. Anya stands behind the counter talking to Halfrek, who is on the other side of the counter sitting on a stool.
ANYA: No! They're all, 'oh, poor Xander! It took so much out of him, all that running away he did.' I just don't understand what's wrong with these people.
HALFREK: Did you really think they were the ones who would help you?
ANYA: Well, but-
HALFREK: Do you want retribution, Anyanka?
ANYA: I want Xander good and cursed.
HALFREK: Then you know what you have to do.
ANYA: Get a wish from someone who doesn't freaking love him.
HALFREK: Exactly.
ANYA: Yeah, but my social circle is a little limited here. What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon someone who doesn't give a fig's ass if Xander gets hurt? The bell over the magic shop door jingles as Spike enters. He slams the door shut and strides toward Anya.
SPIKE: Hey. I need a thing. Zoom in on Anya as she gazes speculatively at him. Blackout.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act III
[SCENE_BREAK]
Same scene. Halfrek and Anya looking at Spike.
ANYA: So. What's your pleasure?
SPIKE: Fresh of out of pleasure. That's why I'm here. (sighs) I need something. Numbing spell, maybe.
ANYA: (fake smile) Uh huh. Hang on. Halfrek smiles and gets up as Anya walks to the end of the counter. Halfrek moves that way too so they can talk privately. We see that Anya is wearing a red skirt, matching red tank-top, and matching red cardigan.
ANYA: (quietly, smiling) Oh my God. Spike *hates* Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish ... dammit, if only he were a woman. (thinks) Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him - well, he'd be a her by then - then I could go to her -
HALFREK: Anyanka. There's an easier way. Now, I know you have this whole female-power, Take Back the Night thing, I think that's cute. But I've been telling you for decades - men need a little vengeance now and then, too.
ANYA: Oh. (looks over at Spike)
HALFREK: Maybe this is a good chance to try it out. Halfrek gives a cheerful little wave at Spike and heads for the door.
HALFREK: Good luck with that. Ta-ta! She leaves. Anya smiles nervously at Spike.
SPIKE: Sorry to bust up the little girls' night out.
ANYA: (walking toward him) That's okay. I'm ready to do some business.
SPIKE: Right then. Got something that'll dull the ache a bit?
ANYA: (smiling) Actually, yes. (walks back behind the counter) Um, Giles left a couple of supplies here, and I think ... this might help. She bends over, begins rummaging in the cabinet under the cash register.
ANYA: Eases the hurt ... makes the sun shine a little brighter, (Spike frowning) even makes boring people seem more interesting. Ah. Here. She produces a bottle of whiskey and puts it on the counter-top with a clank. Spike grins.
Cut to: close shot on a table strewn with various colored wires. The camera from the garden gnome sits there with several wires attached. A hand attaches another wire to it. We see a laptop computer next to the camera. Pan up to reveal Buffy sitting at the other end of the table. The location is the Summers dining room.
BUFFY: How's it coming? Can you see who's getting the camera's signal? Reveal Willow sitting in front of the computer. Xander stands beside the table.
WILLOW: Should have something once I get tapped into the fiber-optic network. We're gonna use the feedback relay to, uh, get their signal routed into our system.
XANDER: Okay, if it's not Spike, and I'm, I'm not saying I believe him ... but if it's not Spike, I think we already know who's behind this.
WILLOW: (typing) Makes sense.
BUFFY: (grimly) I want. To find. These guys.
Cut to: the Geek Trio Lair. Green, blue, yellow liquids bubble in the chemistry set. Jonathan lights a red candle on the table next to the chemistry stuff. Warren and Andrew stand watching. We see that there's an old map spread out on the floor a few feet away. Jonathan holds a short wooden rod with the magic disk attached to the end of it. He positions it in front of the candle and sprinkles some powder over the disk. Close shot on the disk as the powder makes it glow red-hot and give off purple smoke.
JONATHAN: Uncover. A beam of purple light shoots from the candle, through the disk, and onto the map. We see that the map is labeled "Map of Sunnydale." The light lands on a single point on the map.
JONATHAN: There. That's it. That's where we have to go.
WARREN: Well, now that we've found out where we're supposed to go- Suddenly the map bursts into flame where the beam of light is touching it. They all yell.
JONATHAN: Yah! Jonathan screams and runs off.
Cut to: magic shop, night. Spike is sitting on the stool beside the counter, Anya still standing behind the counter. They both have shot glasses and are in the process of drinking the shots.
SPIKE: (angrily) So then, this girl says, "real for *you*."
ANYA: Right. But getting back to Xander...
SPIKE: (scornful) Xander. Let's not waste any more breath on that w*nk*r.
ANYA: But he made a fool of me. And nobody seems to care enough to do anything!
SPIKE: I care. What he done to you? I've never stooped that low, and I'm an 'evil, soulless thing.' (bitterly) According to some people.
ANYA: But shouldn't he pay? Don't you wish he had to pay in some horrible way?
SPIKE: Absolutely. Spike picks up the whiskey bottle and his shot glass, turns to walk over to the round table in the middle of the room.
SPIKE: Take him on myself, if it wasn't for my little handicap. (gesturing at his head) Anya comes out from behind the counter, bringing her glass.
ANYA: Right. (sits) So ... hypothetically, what do you wish you could do to him? (Spike pouring fresh shots for both of them)
SPIKE: You name it, pet. You're the wronged party. Something, uh... (lifts his glass) gruesome, how 'bout? Spike drinks. Anya maintains her fake-cheerful smile, drinks also.
Cut to: Geek Trio lair. Andrew and Warren are stomping on the fire trying to put it out. Jonathan runs in with a fire extinguisher. Warren grabs a blanket off the sofa and tosses it on the fire trying to smother it. He and Andrew continue stomping.
JONATHAN: Hey! That's my blanket!
WARREN: Well, makes sense, it was your fire. Behind Warren's head we see a red light-bulb suddenly light up.
Cut to: Summers dining room. Willow still working on her laptop.
WILLOW: Hey hey, I think I've got something. Buffy and Xander, now both sitting, look over at her.
Cut to magic shop. Spike and Anya sit facing each other on the bench next to the round table. Anya gestures wildly with the bottle. She has removed her cardigan sweater and now just wears the red tank top over her red skirt.
ANYA: (angrily) Thing about it is, none of this was my idea. (disgusted) I didn't ask to be human. (pouring)
SPIKE: Right! And I didn't ask for this bloody chip in my head.
ANYA: To tell you the truth ...(puts bottle down) all I wanted was to use him and lose him. I hadn't had a good tumble in a thousand years...
SPIKE: (grinning) Me too. The using part. I just wanted to know what I was missing, move on.
ANYA: (maudlin) Yeah ... and he was ... all bumpy ... in the right places. And nice to me... She trails off, looking wistful. Spike looks the same way.
SPIKE: (softly) She was so raw. I've never felt anything like it.
ANYA: Next thing you know ... I'm changing to please him. (a little more upset) I care if he cares!
SPIKE: (nodding) Right.
ANYA: And I'm off my guard. Happy! I'm singing in the shower and doing my sexy dance?!
SPIKE: Exactly. (pauses) I ... have no dance. He looks sternly at Anya as if to make sure she's buying it. She nods, but frowns a little. Cut back to the dining room. Willow continues typing.
BUFFY: Talk to me, Will.
WILLOW: Technology's pretty sophisticated, lots of booby traps and firewall stuff... (shot of the screen showing a "radar" diagram of concentric circles)
BUFFY: But can you get us a location?
WILLOW: Well, hey, I'm still me. Just one - whoa.
BUFFY: What?
WILLOW: There are other cameras. Cut back to Magic Box. Anya is now sitting on the table.
ANYA: Screw 'em!
SPIKE: To the rafters! They clink their glasses together and drink.
ANYA: I did everything for that man. Was it ever enough?
SPIKE: Never! (slurred) I was always going above and beyond. I saved the Scoobies how many times? And I can't stand the lot of you.
ANYA: Me either! I hate us! Everybody's so *nice.* Nobody says what's on their mind.
SPIKE: You do. That's why you're the only one of them I wouldn't bite if I had the chance.
ANYA: (giggles, pleased) Really?
SPIKE: Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, (Anya giggling) but she was straight about it. That's a virtue.
ANYA: Mm. Xander didn't think so. He thought I was rude.
SPIKE: (like 'duh') That's because he's one of them. Uptight. Repressed. (makes "uptight" gesture with one finger)
ANYA: (frowning) You think?
SPIKE: Please. It's no wonder they couldn't deal with the likes of you and me, luv. We should have been dead hundreds of years ago ... and we're the only ones who are really alive. Anya smiles, gazing down at him. He looks up at her. They both smile at each other.
Cut to the dining room. On Willow's laptop screen we can see a tiny image of the exterior of the Double-Meat Palace.
WILLOW: Oh my god, the Double Meat Palace? (image changes) The Bronze? My classes on campus... Close on the screen showing an overhead shot of a UC Sunnydale hallway. Then it changes to an image of a deserted construction site.
WILLOW: (OS) Xander's site... (Xander looking surprised)
BUFFY: What?!
XANDER: They've been spying on all these places?
WILLOW: I can tell there are more feeds, I, I'm just having a harder time pinpointing 'em. Here, lemme... (typing) Cut back to Magic Box. Anya is sitting on the bench again, closer to Spike than before. The bottle is nearly empty. Spike picks it up with a sigh, pours the last of it into one shot glass.
SPIKE: Here. (picks up glass, holds it toward her) Ladies last.
ANYA: (gazing sentimentally at him) Thank you.
SPIKE: Take it quick or my chivalry'll run out.
ANYA: No ... (puts her hand on Spike's) thank you. Spike frowns a little, puts the glass down, moves a little closer to her.
ANYA: This is the first time since ... (shrugs) It feels good to be with someone who understands.
SPIKE: (softly) Intimately. (sighs)
ANYA: This whole time, I've been coming on all ... hell-bent and mad. Wanting his head, you know?
SPIKE: Yeah.
ANYA: When, really, I ... (tearfully) can't sleep at night, thinking it ... has to be my fault, somehow...
SPIKE: (shakes his head) Shh...
ANYA: (crying) What if it was just pretending? What if he never wanted me ... the way I wanted him? She snaps out of it a little, shakes her head.
ANYA: Ohh. I'm sorry.
SPIKE: Now now. Spike gently brushes some hair out of Anya's face, then cups her cheek in his hand.
SPIKE: He would have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you.
ANYA: (whispers) Then why?
SPIKE: (looks away, sadly) The two of them ... they're weak, is all. (pauses) But, I'll tell you what, though. (continues stroking Anya's face) They'll, uh, miss the water now that the well's gone dry. Now Spike has his fingers under Anya's chin and she leans her face into his hand.
ANYA: (quietly) Too hot to handle.
SPIKE: Too hot... He leans forward, very close. Leans his forehead against hers.
ANYA: Um ... just-just one more question.
SPIKE: Hmm?
ANYA: (very softly) Can I see your sexy dance?
SPIKE: (small grin) I'll show you mine... He moves as if to kiss her.
ANYA: Wait. Wait. (very soft whisper) What are we doing?
SPIKE: Moving on. They kiss passionately.
Cut to the dining room.
WILLOW: Here, I think there are a couple more transmitters on the network, I just ... ucch, I've almost got a picture on 'em. Cut back to Magic Box. Spike and Anya still kissing. Then she pushes back a little.
ANYA: You know I'm only doing this 'cause I'm ... I'm lonely and drunk and you ... smell really good.
SPIKE: See? Forthright. She grins and nods, and they resume kissing.
Cut to: Geek Lair. The red light continues flashing, now accompanied by a loud alarm noise. The geeks look over in alarm.
WARREN: Ahh!
ANDREW: It tapped into our feed, something's wrong! They all run toward the bank of computers along one wall. Cut back to Magic Box. Kissing continues as Anya climbs onto Spike's lap, straddling him. He pushes his hands up underneath her shirt and pushes the shirt up, revealing a black bra. Cut back to the Lair. The geeks still racing for the computers. Jonathan still holds the fire extinguisher. Cut back to Magic Box. Spike sweeps a pile of stuff (including the empty liquor bottle) off the table with one arm. Then retreats out of shot so all we see is the bare table. Then Spike's hands place Anya on the table, now wearing just her black bra and short red skirt. She lies back on the table panting. Then Spike moves on top of her, between her legs. They resume kissing.
Cut to the dining room.
WILLOW: I think I've got the Magic Box. She continues typing and looking at the screen.
WILLOW: Whoa! She stands up quickly, staring at the screen.
Cut to Geek Lair. Close on the multiple keyboards sitting on the table, multiple hands typing frantically.
WARREN: (OS) Shut it down, shut it *all* down! Shot of the monitors with various windows flashing chaotically across the screens.
ANDREW: I'm trying, I can't find --
JONATHAN: (reaching across Warren to Andrew's keyboard) Here, dorkface-
ANDREW: I'll get it myself-
WARREN: Guys, we have to - oh, holy crap. They all freeze, staring at one monitor. Close on the monitor showing a full-color view of Spike and Anya having s*x on the table in the Magic Box. The geeks stare, dropping their hands from the keyboards.
JONATHAN: Oh my god.
WARREN: What is that, p-porn? We get another shot of the screen as the action heats up, the kissing becomes more frantic.
JONATHAN: Oh my god.
WARREN: Is that the cam in the Magic Box?
JONATHAN: Oh my god.
ANDREW: What are they ... ohh.
WARREN: Is that-
JONATHAN: Spike.
ANDREW: (riveted) He is so cool. (glances at the others, self-consciously) And, I mean, the girl is hot too.
WARREN: (shaking his head) Dude. They all continue to watch intently.
Cut to Magic Box. The kissing and such continues. Pan over to a nearby display case where a human skull is sitting. The camera in its eye is clearly visible. (same skull-cam shown in episode "Life Serial")
Cut to dining room. Buffy and Xander, alarmed by Willow's reaction, get up and come over to look at the screen.
WILLOW: Wait, Xander, no.
XANDER: (looks) Oh, god. Buffy stares at the screen, looks over at Xander, back to the screen. Close on the screen. It's monochrome unlike the Geeks' setup, but the image of Spike and Anya kissing and writhing on the table is quite clear. Shot of Buffy and Xander both watching in horror. Sound of a door opening. Dawn enters through the front door, closes it, sees the others in the dining room and walks that way.
DAWN: Hey guys. What's up? Dawn walks over to them as Buffy and Xander are staring at the screen and Willow staring at them. Dawn looks at the screen and gasps. Willow quickly puts her hand over Dawn's eyes.
WILLOW: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
XANDER: I ... what is she... Willow looks at Xander with concern, then at Buffy. Close on Buffy looking, if anything, even more upset than Xander. Close on the screen as the action continues.
WILLOW: Buffy? Dawn and Willow stare at Buffy.
BUFFY: That's enough. Buffy storms out. Willow and Dawn exchange a look. Xander walks off in a daze. Willow snaps out of it, a little.
WILLOW: (sits) Here, lemme just... (typing) Shot of Buffy's back as she heads toward the kitchen and the back door.
WILLOW: You know, we, we aren't even really sure what we're just seeing here, there could be something- Dawn rolls her eyes, follows Buffy.
WILLOW: There, got it. Sound of a door closing (back door) and one opening (front door). Willow looks up, realizes she's alone.
WILLOW: Xander? She gets up and goes to the foyer, finds the front door standing wide open. Willow goes into the living room, sees something. Zoom in on her face looking upset. Zoom in on the weapons chest that Xander made for Buffy (episode "Older and Far Away"). Its lid is open and the weapons are in disarray.
Cut to the street. Xander walks along, walking fast with a grim look on his face. Pan down to reveal the short-handled axe in his hand. Blackout.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Act IV
[SCENE_BREAK]
Open on the Summers back yard, night. Buffy sits in one of the wooden lawn chairs, staring blankly. Dawn stands nearby, her arms folded across her chest.
DAWN: So. This is it? This is the stuff you've been protecting me from? You and Spike?
BUFFY: And a lot of monsters.
DAWN: Uh-huh.
BUFFY: But it's over. (Dawn sitting in the other chair) Spike.
DAWN: I wish you'd told me.
BUFFY: I kinda didn't wanna admit it to myself.
DAWN: I get that. Buffy continues staring at the ground.
DAWN: I know it must hurt. To feel like you have to hide, to keep secrets from everybody? Buffy looks at Dawn, pensively. Willow bursts out the back door of the house.
WILLOW: Buffy. Xander's gone. He took your axe.
Cut to Magic Box. Pan across the assorted stuff scattered on the floor. The bench is lying on its side. There's also a tipped-over chair with Anya's sweater hanging on it. Anya, wearing her tank top again, picks up the sweater. In background we see Spike fastening his belt. Anya has her back to him. He looks over at her. Close on Anya looking a little ashamed or embarrassed. Pan to Spike looking the same. Spike finishes with his belt and starts walking toward the door as Anya puts on her sweater, staring blankly into space. Spike pauses by the door and they both turn to face each other from across the room. Anya gives a little nod, and after a moment Spike nods back. He turns and opens the door, walks out.
Cut to exterior of the shop. Spike exits and immediately looks shocked at something directly in front of him. He dodges to the right and the short-handled axe plunges into the wall behind where he just was. Shot of Xander struggling to pull the axe free. Spike stares at him in some alarm. Xander gives up on the axe, grabs Spike by the front of his shirt and throws him down on the sidewalk. Shot of Buffy running around a corner farther down the street, running hard toward them. Xander picks Spike up and throws him against a pillar, grabs him and turns him around, punches him in the gut. Spike doubles over.
XANDER: Get up. Get up! Spike glares up at him but doesn't move.
XANDER: You're just gonna sit there? Do nothing? Spike doesn't answer. Xander grabs him, pulls him to his feet and slams his head against the pillar.
XANDER: That the kinda man you are?
SPIKE: I'm not gonna fight you. Chip. Xander knees him in the stomach. Spike groans and doubles over again.
XANDER: Too bad. Xander pulls a stake from his pocket, just as Anya opens the door and sees them.
ANYA: Xander, no! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Anya runs over, distracting Xander. She reaches him just as Buffy does, coming up behind him and shoving him aside. Xander pants and glares at Buffy. She pants and glares back.
ANYA: Xander, I...
XANDER: (panting) Don't even try to deny it. 'Cause I saw it all. The whole beautiful show.
ANYA: How...? Xander glares angrily at her.
ANYA: It was just, it ... it was just a thing. I ... I felt bad, and he was just ... there.
BUFFY: (to Spike) Didn't take long, did it? (Spike looking sourly at her)
XANDER: (still yelling at Anya) Oh, oh, oh, okay! You had to do it. Because he was there. Like Mt. Everest. (upset) Like I used to be.
ANYA: (angry) And then you weren't. You left *me,* Xander. At the altar. (yelling) I don't owe you anything.
XANDER: So you go out and bang the first body you can find? Dead or alive?
ANYA: Where do you get off judging me?!
XANDER: When this is your solution to our problems. I hurt you, and you hit me back? Very mature.
ANYA: No, the mature solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes, so that no one will notice that you are just a scared, insecure little boy!
XANDER: (bitterly) I'm not joking now. You let that evil, soulless thing touch you. (pointing at Spike) You wanted me to feel something? (Anya looking chagrined) Congratulations, it worked. Anya stares at him, looks like she might cry again.
XANDER: I look at you ... and I feel sick. 'Cause you had s*x with that. (points at Spike again) Anya looks down at the ground, hurt. Buffy looks a bit ashamed too.
SPIKE: (quietly) It's good enough for Buffy.
XANDER: (yells) Shut up and leave her out of... Xander stops as what Spike said sinks in. He and Anya stare at Buffy. Buffy looks all upset.
ANYA: Buffy?
BUFFY: Xander...
XANDER: (shaking his head, full of pain) I don't want to know this. Shot of Xander's stake clattering on the ground.
XANDER: I don't want to know any of this. He walks off. Buffy looks very upset, watches him go for a moment, then turns to glare at Spike. Spike just looks back at her, unapologetic. Buffy looks angry but resigned. She turns and follows Xander. Spike and Anya stand side-by-side watching Buffy go. Shot of Buffy's back as she walks away.
SPIKE: (OS) Bloody Xander, mucking(?) up everything. Spike looks sullen.
SPIKE: You know, I wish-
ANYA: Don't. Spike looks at her, a little surprised. Anya grimaces in self-disgust. They move off in opposite directions, Spike down the street, Anya back toward the shop. Cue sad music -- "That Kind of Love" by Alison Krauss. Who would sell their soul for love? Another shot of Buffy still walking away. Or waste one tear on compromise? Anya walks into the store, stares unhappily at the mess. Should be easy enough To know a heartache in disguise Anya slowly walks down the three steps into the main room, picks up the bench and rights it. Continues starting to clean the place up.
TARA: (OS) Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard.
Cut to the Summers house. Willow is lying on the bed with some homework, but looking in surprise at the doorway. She sits up on the edge of the bed.
WILLOW: Tara? Reveal Tara in the doorway, leaning against the door frame.
TARA: You can't ever ... (sighs) put them back the way they were.
WILLOW: Are you okay?
TARA: I'm sorry, it's just ... (deep sigh) You know, it takes time. (walking into the room) You can't just ... have coffee and expect-
WILLOW: (guilty) I know. Long shot of the two of them -- Willow sitting, Tara standing -- with a considerable distance separating them.
TARA: There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides ... (Willow looking upset) You have to learn if ... if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. Willow continues looking at Tara, sadly.
TARA: It's a long... important process, and ... can we just skip it? Can-can you just be kissing me now? Willow looks hopeful, then delighted as the words sink in. She smiles widely, jumps up. Tara meets her halfway and they kiss passionately. There was not faith enough Still my heart held on When we find that kind of love Blackout.
Executive Producers: Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon. | Plan: A: Anya; Q: Who seeks revenge on Xander? A: vengeance; Q: What does Anya want from Xander? A: comfort; Q: What does Anya find in Spike? A: their impulsive behavior; Q: What does Xander see in Anya and Spike? A: a date; Q: What do Willow and Tara arrange? Summary: Anya seeks vengeance on Xander and when looking for someone who wants the same, she finds comfort with Spike. Xander sees their impulsive behavior through a camera and tries to stake Spike. Willow and Tara arrange a date, which ends with the two of them kissing. |
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. CLUB - ENTRANCE -- NIGHT]
(CLUB SECURITY is running a hand-held metal detector on every person who wants to enter the club. Currently, they check a man at the door. The line behind him is long.)
Club Security: Go ahead. CLUB SECURITY: Turn around. CLUB SECURITY: Go ahead. CLUB SECURITY: Next.
(CLUB SECURITY motions for the man to go. The man leaves. Next up is a woman. CLUB SECURITY runs the hand-held metal detector on her back, from top to bottom.)
Club Security: Turn around.
(The woman turns around. The metal detector beeps.)
Woman: My kitty's pierced.
(CLUB SECURITY stares at her without comment.)
Woman: Want to see?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. THE CLUB - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(Camera travels low to the ground following The WOMAN into the club. She stops at the railing to watch what's happening in the pit.)
DJ: (over speakers) Party people ... Brothers and Sisters ... Angels and devils ... Virgins and Sinners ... let the foam take you away to your deepest desires. Cleanse yourself. There's no turning back now.
(Inside the pit, men and women dance as they are being covered with foam.)
(From inside the foam pit, a woman stands and starts screaming, her voice heard above the pulsating music.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. THE CLUB - NIGHT]
(Camera opens on the pit, foam dissipated. In the center of the pit is a dead body sprawled out on the floor. BRASS stands over the body while looking through the victim's wallet.)
(GRISSOM carries his CSI kit and makes his way down the steps into the pit toward BRASS. BRASS holds the victim's ID card.)
Brass: Ever been to a foam party?
Grissom: What do you think?
Brass: Things can get pretty wild.
Grissom: (looking at the body) Evidently. You got an I.D. on this guy?
Brass: Yeah, the deceased is Trey Buchman. Age 21. I got a Vegas I.D.
Grissom: Eyewitnesses?
Brass: Uh, too much foam. The party was over. Most of the "responsible" young adults had split.
Grissom: It's amazing how the sight of blood can clear a room.
(GRISSOM puts his kit down and kneels to look at the victim.)
Brass: Yeah. I'll tell you what we got. My guys are talking with the girl who found the body, but even sober, she's not going to be much help.
Grissom: Wonder what made this wound? Looks like a puncture.
Brass: Ice pick, maybe?
(BRASS riffles through the man's wallet, counting the money inside.)
Brass: Well, wow. Tell you it's not for the money. I got about three grand here, all in c-notes.
(He holds the money up for GRISSOM to see.)
Grissom: (looks up) Proves the old adage.
Brass: Which adage is that?
Grissom: You can't take it with you.
HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
WHITE FLASH IN:
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
Warrick: (V.O.) Foam at the sinner's den ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CLUB -- NIGHT]
(WARRICK and SARA walk across the club toward the steps to the pit.)
Warrick: I hung out here a few times.
Sara: Never been.
Warrick: Your knucklehead boyfriend never took you on the party circuit?
Sara: Uh, pass.
Warrick: That's cool about Vegas. It's Monday: Rain at the Palms; Tuesday: Eden at studio 54; Wednesday: Raw at the Luxor; Thursday's Baby's ...
(WARRICK and SARA pass the guard at the top of the stairs and make their way down the stairs into the pit.)
CAMERA PANS TO:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CLUB - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(BRASS is interviewing the OWNER of The Dance Club.)
Owner: Hey, look. Some kid dropped dead. It's a shame. Kids O.D. all the time in nightclubs. They're big boys and girls. This ain't church.
Brass: I understand that.
Owner: You understand. You know the kind of rent I pay on a joint like this? Rain or shine, I owe the landlord fifty thou ($50,000).
Brass: You're breaking my heart, pal. Look, here's how this works. The more you cooperate, the sooner you'll be up and running.
Owner: You don't get it.
Brass: No, I get it. I got a daughter who's twenty, she hangs out. I don't want her to die in a place like this, so do me a favor, get me the VIP list for tonight ... and smarten up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CLUB - THE PIT - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(Camera opens on body fluid spatter on underwear left on the floor of the pit as seen through tinted glass and an ALS. GRISSOM moves the light away and continues to look around.)
(SARA opens her kit and removes a pair of gloves to put on.)
(GRISSOM continues to look around the floor of the pit and sees more body fluid spatter ... on the floor ... on discarded underwear ... on everything and everywhere.)
Grissom: There's seminal fluid all over the place.
Sara: Is this a dance club or a s*x club?
(WARRICK picks up a discarded underwire bra.)
Warrick: A little of both. Don't you love this town?
(He holds it up and bags it.)
Sara: Whatever you say, Superfly.
(WARRICK snorts.)
Grissom: You guys smell that?
(WARRICK picks up discarded underwear next to marker #10.)
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Grissom: Smells like strawberries.
Warrick: It's the foam.
(He puts the underwear in a bag.)
Warrick: Reminds me of the Mirage. Steve Wynn didn't like the smell of the volcano erupting, so he changed the fuel mixture. Now it smells like a piña colada.
(WARRICK moves to item #11 and picks up a clear stiletto-heeled shoe.)
(BRASS walks into the pit.)
Brass: Hey. I got a line on our vic. Trey Buchman, booked a room at The Sphere. E-wing, room 937.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. THE SPHERE - ROOM 937 -- DAY]
(GRISSOM stands near the room window and looks around the inside of the main room/bedroom.)
(In one smooth, continuous movement, the camera slowly moves over to SARA looking around from the bed to the walls on the opposite side of the room. She examines a pair of large cuffs dangling from the bedroom wall lights.)
Sara: These people are freaks.
(Camera moves through the bathroom door to WARRICK who is examining the bathroom. He picks up a strand of hair.)
Warrick: (calls out) Got a long dark hair.
(Camera moves back through the bathroom door to SARA who turns away from the cuffs and starts examining the floor.)
Sara: Vic had short hair.
(Camera moves back to GRISSOM who is holding up a champagne glass with a lipstick smudge on the lip.)
Grissom: One of our "freaks" wears pussycat pink.
(Cut to close up of the champagne glass with lipstick smudge.)
CUE: (PRELAP) PLAY NARRATOR: The battle was fierce ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - AUDITORIUM -- DAY]
(LINDSEY is dressed in Sleeping Beauty blue and lying on a make-shift bed in the middle of the stage. CATHERINE sits in the middle of the audience near the aisle, the proud parent holding a digital video camera, recording the play. LINDSEY turns her head and opens one of her eyes to look at her mom. She shuts her eyes and turns back to 'sleeping'.)
Play Narrator: (o.s.) ... The Evil Sorceress had powerful magic, but the Prince was brave and true.
(On stage, the "Prince" battles a "Dragon". CATHERINE smiles as she gets everything on camera.)
(EDDIE walks down the aisle from the back of the auditorium. He slips into the seat next to CATHERINE.)
Play Narrator: (o.s.) Finally, the brave Prince slew the Sorceress-dragon and went to awaken his beloved Princess.
(CATHERINE puts the camera down. She sighs and shakes her head.)
Catherine: You're late, Eddie.
Eddie: Don't start.
Play Narrator: (o.s.) He climbed the many stairs to the top ...
(On stage, the "Prince" makes his way toward LINDSEY.)
Catherine: You know how much this meant to Lindsey?
Eddie: Can we argue about this later, okay?
(On stage, the "Prince" kisses LINSEY on the cheek. Her eyes open.)
Play Narrator: (o.s.) Her eyes would open with true love's kiss.
Eddie: (smiling) Hey! She's so beautiful. Give me that.
(He reaches for the camera. CATHERINE hands it to him. He resumes recording the plan.)
Play Narrator: (o.s.) The evil spell was finally broken.
Catherine: Nice perfume.
(EDDIE puts the camera down and sighs.)
(On stage, LINDSEY sits up ready to delivery her lines.)
Lindsey: My ...
(At that moment, EDDIE has had enough.)
Eddie: (loudly) Okay ...
(He stands up and looks down at CATHERINE.)
(LINDSEY and everyone else turns to look at EDDIE.)
Eddie: Fine. Is this okay?
Play Narrator: (o.s.) (prompting) My prince ...
(EDDIE pulls back a chair one row in front of CATHERINE. He sits down.)
(LINDSEY swallows.)
Play Narrator: (o.s.) (prompting) My prince ... at long last, you've come for me.
(EDDIE raises the camera and resumes recording.)
Lindsey: (upset) My ... my - my prince ...
Play Narrator: (o.s.) (prompting) ... at long last, you've come for me ...
(LINDSEY turns to look at her parents in the audience. CATHERINE nods at her and smiles encouragingly. But it's way too late. LINDSEY'S more than hurt. She starts to cry.)
(LINDSEY slides off of the bed and runs off stage.)
(Camera holds on CATHERINE and EDDIE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(LINDSEY sits next to EDDIE on the bench in the hallway. CATHERINE kneels in front of LINDSEY.)
Catherine: I'm sorry, baby. You did good, though.
Eddie: Yeah, you were fine, Linds. Good.
Catherine: Hey, and you know what? It's just a play.
Lindsey: No, it's not just a play. I was Sleeping Beauty and you guys ruined it.
Catherine: I'm sorry, honey.
Eddie: Hey, I'll bet if you ask Mrs. Parker, she'd let you keep that blue dress.
Lindsey: I want to go home.
(CATHERINE nods and stands up.)
Catherine: Okay. Let's go home.
Lindsey: No, mom. I want to go with dad.
(EDDIE looks up surprised at LINDSEY.)
Catherine: You sure about that?
(LINDSEY nods.)
Catherine: Okay.
(EDDIE turns to look at CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(ROBBINS goes over his preliminary findings with GRISSOM. TREY BUCHMAN'S body is on the table between them.)
Robbins: Tox report on your foam guy came back negative.
Grissom: Negative?
Robbins: No drugs, no alcohol, no medication, not even an aspirin.
Grissom: That's odd. It was a Den of Iniquity.
(GRISSOM thinks about it for a moment and shakes his head a little. He nods down at the body.)
Grissom: What about the neck wound?
Robbins: The sternocleidomastoid muscle and the jugular vein were lacerated.
(Quick CGI POV as the camera moves in toward the neck wound. It goes through the skin and down into the muscle below, piercing through the vein, blood splashing onto the lens.)
(Flash to white. End of CGI POV. Resume on ROBBINS.)
Robbins: The wound was a bloody mess, probably lethal.
Grissom: Any idea what caused it?
Robbins: Hard to say. Definitely an odd entry wound. Not a knife or sharp object ... probably something blunt, like a pen or a stake of some sort.
Grissom: Anything else?
Robbins: Check this out.
(ROBBINS points to something on the body's right shoulder. GRISSOM leans in to look at it.)
Grissom: Looks like a bite. Spider bite or allergic reaction, maybe?
Robbins: Stand by. I'll process the tissue in histopath, see if it's worth writing home about.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(GRISSOM is examining a silver thong. WARRICK walks in.)
Warrick: I was wondering where I put my nice silver satin thong.
(GRISSOM looks up at WARRICK.)
Grissom: Gloves.
(WARRICK grabs a latex pair and puts it on. GRISSOM puts the thong back in its bag.)
Grissom: Okay, we're looking for any kind of blunt object that could've been used to stab our victim in the neck.
(GRISSOM picks up the photo of the injury and hands it to WARRICK. WARRICK takes a moment to look at the photo before scanning the items on the table, gathering them as he goes.)
Warrick: Glow stick. Ball-point pen. Cell phone antenna. You have the luminol?
(GRISSOM hands WARRICK the spray bottle.)
Warrick: Thank you.
(WARRICK turns the lights off. He takes the items out of the bags and sprays them.)
Warrick: Nothing.
(GRISSOM picks up the bag with the clear stiletto-heeled shoe. He looks at the shoe heel.)
Warrick: Are we sure it was a blunt object?
(GRISSOM takes the shoe out of the bag to examine the heel.)
(Quick flashback to someone swinging the shoe and stabbing the victim in the neck with the heel. Close up of heel in the neck. End of flashback.)
Grissom: Size ten, double A.
Warrick: Stilettos, huh? Brings out the toes, accentuates the legs. Murder on the ankles, though.
(WARRICK sprays luminol on the heel. It glows in the dark.)
Grissom: Looks like murder to me.
HARD CUT TO BLACK.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - THUNDERSTORM -- NIGHT]
Woman: (o.s.) ... I'm on every club's VIP list ...
SCENE #12
[EXT. THE CLUB -- NIGHT]
(BRASS accompanies a WOMAN. He holds the umbrella for her as they walk.)
Brass: Well, you got lucky. You're on my list now.
Woman: I don't want to be on your list.
Brass: Here, hold this.
(The WOMAN scoffs. BRASS hands the umbrella to her.)
Brass: Nice shoes.
Woman: Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. THE CLUB -- NIGHT]
(In a room full of women, GRISSOM makes an announcement.)
Grissom: Okay, this is the story. One of you lovely Cinderellas is missing a glass slipper and I'm playing the Prince. So would each of you remove your right shoe, please?
(Dissolve to GRISSOM kneeling as he tries the shoe on the women. A group of four-five women sit in the high stools as he tries the shoe on. Another group of three women stand on the side and wait their turn.)
Grissom: Doesn't fit.
(Dissolve to GRISSOM continuing to try the shoe on more women's feet.)
(Dissolve to women standing and sitting, moving around and waiting their turn to try on the shoe.)
(Close up of a foot that doesn't fit the shoe. GRISSOM looks up.)
Grissom: Almost.
(The woman stands up and another woman takes her seat.)
Woman: Hi.
(GRISSOM tries the shoe on another foot.)
Grissom: No.
(The next foot GRISSOM fits the shoe on is a perfect match. He looks up at the blonde woman. She smiles down at him.)
Grissom: Well, if the shoe fits ...
Brass: ... wear it.
(The woman glances at BRASS, then turns to look at GRISSOM.)
WHITE FLASH TO:
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - THUNDERSTORM - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- NIGHT]
(BRASS is questioning the Blonde-Haired Woman whose foot fit the shoe.)
Brass: Comfortable?
Woman: So far. Thanks for asking.
Brass: You want to tell me how your shoe ended up in Trey Buchman's neck?
(She glances at the bagged shoe on the table.)
Woman: I don't know. Last I remember, the foam was rising ...
(Quick flashback to The Club and people dancing. The WOMAN is dancing with a MAN. He lifts her up above him. He puts her down. The heel of her shoe pierces through the victim's neck. The victim is already on the ground.)
Woman: (V.O.) ... and my heel went into something ... soft ...
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Woman: ... thought it was someone's foot.
Brass: Jugular. There's a slight difference. Do you want to tell me why you left your shoe behind?
Woman: Heel broke.
Brass: And the fact it had blood on it, that wasn't the reason?
Woman: Never saw blood.
Brass: I see. I did some checking -- because that's what I do -- and you and our victim had a relationship a while back.
Woman: I've "relationshipped" about a dozen guys on the circuit, including Trey. Nothing ends -- we still all meet up at The Club.
Brass: I see.
(He looks at her. She looks at him. He takes a breath. Her look changes. She slowly stands up. BRASS is puzzled by her action, but says nothing.)
(She walks toward BRASS and sits at the edge of the table.)
Woman: ... and the way he gave it to me ... believe me, he's the last guy I'd want dead.
(She crosses her legs. She lifts her foot up and puts her high-heeled shoe on BRASS' chair between his legs. Her hand grasps the hem of her ultra-mini dress as it rides up her thigh.)
(GRISSOM appears in the doorway. He knocks purposefully on the door frame.)
(BRASS clears his throat and looks away. The WOMAN turns her head to look at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: (loudly) Excuse me, Jim. Am I interrupting something?
(BRASS waves GRISSOM inside. The WOMAN tugs the hem of her dress down ... pleased by the reaction she got from BRASS.)
Brass: (croaks) Gil, please ...
(GRISSOM enters the room. The WOMAN turns to look at GRISSOM, a slight smile on her face.)
Grissom: Miss ...
(GRISSOM puts on a pair of latex gloves.)
Grissom: ... I'm going to need a sample of your DNA.
Woman: How do you want it.
Grissom: I like your hair.
Woman: (looking up at GRISSOM) I like yours.
Grissom: Are you a, uh, natural blonde?
(The WOMAN deliberately doesn't answer the question. She turns to look at BRASS. GRISSOM also turns to look at BRASS.)
(BRASS shakes his head. No.)
(GRISSOM reaches over and pulls out a strand of her hair.)
Woman: Ow.
Grissom: Sorry. I needed a follicular tag.
(He puts the sample in the envelope.)
Grissom: Thank you.
(GRISSOM turns to leave. She calls him back.)
Woman: "Gil"? Any chance you found my thong? Silver lamé, probably twisted in knots.
Grissom: Oh, yeah, we did. You'll need to fill out a form, though. The Captain will help you ...
(GRISSOM turns to leave.)
Grissom: ... Surely.
(Camera holds on BRASS.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(ROBBINS takes a slice of a cross-section of the "bite" mark from the victim. He puts the thin slice on a scope slide.)
(He lights a Bunsen burner and gently heats the slide.)
(He dips the slide in a container of "Haematoxylin", then he puts the slide in "Acid Alcohol 1%", then in a container of "Eosin".)
(He gently dries the slide. He puts it under the scope.
(Cut to Scope View of the slide. The magnification changes to a more powerful view. ROBBINS lifts his head from the scope.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE]
(GRISSOM is in his office examining photographs at his desk. He's also listening to Opera music on his earphones. From where we are, we can hear the muffled music.)
(ROBBINS enters the room.)
Robbins: Hey, Gil?
(When he doesn't get a reaction from GRISSOM, ROBBINS leans in closer. GRISSOM looks up.)
Robbins: Carmen?
(GRISSOM takes the earphones off.)
Grissom: Right after the murder.
Robbins: Opera makes it all seem so lovely. And at the risk of sounding like your mother, you're going to ruin your eardrums.
(Without commenting, GRISSOM turns the music off.)
(ROBBINS picks up the photograph of the tissue and shows it to GRISSOM.)
Robbins: Our victims tissue -- Trey Buchman. The, uh, circular contusions I sectioned, indicate damage extending only 30 microns below the epidermis.
Grissom: So it's not a bug bite.
Robbins: Man-made, high-pressure, subcutaneous injector.
Grissom: No needle?
Robbins: Simply high pressure penetrating the skin.
(Quick CGI POV of the end of the high-pressure injector against the skin. Cut to cross-section of the skin as the contents of the injector is sprayed inside and passed through. Flash to white. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
Grissom: Did you send a sample to tox?
Robbins: Our victim was injected with insulin.
Grissom: Diabetic?
Robbins: Nope.
Grissom: So cause of death was insulin shock.
Robbins: Insulin doesn't make for a narcotic or hallucinogenic high so I don't know why Buchman would take the stuff.
(Camera holds on GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. RICHARDS' RESIDENCE - NIGHT]
(NICK and CATHERINE enter the residence.)
Nick: Downstairs neighbor smelled it. Called the plumber.Yeah, they always think it's a sewage problem.
(CATHERINE'S cell phone rings.)
Nick: Phew!
(She answers her phone.)
Catherine: Eddie? Ed? Hello? Uh ... bad connection, Ed. Uh, I just entered a scene. I-I'll call you later.
(CATHERINE hangs up. NICK makes his way to the dead body.)
Nick: Whew. No pain, no gain. Purge fluid.
Catherine: D.U.N.S.
(Quick flashback to the neighbor in the apartment underneath. He looks up and sees the large patch of liquid on the ceiling spreading and dripping. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nick: Dead Upstairs Neighbor Syndrome.
Catherine: (nods) Mm-hmm.
Nick: Yeah, well, it's going to take us a while to get this smell out of our nose hairs.
Catherine: Parchment changes of the skin. So what's the exposure to that window, south?
Nick: East. Gets direct sunlight half the day. I learned that down in Lauderdale. You know, you've got to remember to turn.
Catherine: Right, all that spring break activity with the frat brothers ...
Nick: Something like that. Nice little cocaine fingernail. So ... no mail built up. I don't see a telephone. What do you think? ...
(CATHERINE'S cell phone rings. She answers it.)
Nick: ... Howard Hughes in a studio apartment?
Catherine: Eddie? Ed?
Nick: Now what's his deal?
(CATHERINE hangs up the phone.)
Catherine: Lindsey's with him. Maybe she's ready to come home.
Nick: Yeah, I bet.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[CLOSET]
(CATHERINE opens the closet and looks through the dresser drawers. They're empty. She pushes the clothes hanging aside and finds a passport and a stack of bills on the dresser. She flips through the passport and sees a lot of different stamps indicating its use.)
[LIVING ROOM]
(Cut to NICK working on the laptop on the table. He tries entering a password and gets denied.)
Nick: How you doing?
Catherine: Cash and a very busy passport ... designer threads. Ten-to-one, Croix Richards is a drug dealer. And that is no workout accident.
(CATHERINE looks at the passport photo with the following information:
[United States of America ID Card for Richard, Croix DATE OF BIRTH: 21 SEP/SEP 1970
s*x: M PLACE OF BIRTH: LAS VEGAS, NV USA DATE OF ISSUE: 18 OCT/OCT 1998
EXPIRATION DATE: 17 OCT/OCT 2008
PASSPORT AGENCY / LAS VEGAS ]
(CATHERINE'S phone rings. She answers it.)
Catherine: Eddie? Eddie, you've got to get to a land line. This connection sucks.
(Through the static, CATHERINE hears something that stops her cold.)
Lindsey: Mommy ... (static)
Catherine: Lindsey? (beat) H-honey, (beat) I-I can't hear you.
Lindsey: (crying) Mommy ... please ... scared ... all alone.
Catherine: You're alone? Well, honey, where's daddy?
(CATHERINE automatically heads for the door. NICK signals to her.)
Lindsey: Daddy... (static)
Nick: You want me to just...?
(CATHERINE absently nods at NICK, her mind on her daughter.)
Catherine: Uh ... (to NICK) thanks-- (to LINDSEY) uh, yeah, honey. Yes, yes, I'm coming.
(CATHERINE heads out the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
(Thunder rumbles in the sky and lightning flashes. It begins to pour.)
Lindsey: (V.O.) Mommy, please! I'm scared... all alone! ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CATHERINE'S CAR - NIGHT]
(CATHERINE is behind the wheel of her car. She has her cell phone to her ear.)
Lindsey: (on phone) ... We were in the car, going fast. (beat) We hit something.
Catherine: It's going to be okay, honey. I'm on my way. (pause) Do you know where you are.
INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. EDDIE'S CAR - NIGHT]
Lindsey: I don't know. There's lots of water, mommy!
Catherine: Are you near a lake? Are you near grandma's house?
Lindsey: No, the water's in the car?
Catherine: In the car? (pause) Lindsey, can you get out?
Lindsey: (looking around) No.
Catherine: It's going to be okay, honey. Just listen to me. Before the car crashed, where were you going?
Lindsey: Daddy said the hospital.
Catherine: On the way there, did you see any hotels?
Lindsey: I saw the castle.
Catherine: Excalibur. Did you see, did you see the pyramid?
Lindsey: Yeah.
Catherine: Industrial Road? Is that, is that it? Lindsey, is it industrial road?
(The water begins to rise inside the car.)
Lindsey: There was a bridge. We went through a fence. (there's more static.)
Catherine: Lindsey? Lindsey!
(CATHERINE can't hear LINDSEY anymore. They're disconnected. She hangs up.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. ROADWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE'S driving along the Industrial Road. She looks outside the car window and sees a break in the wire fence. She pulls the car to the side and stops the car. She gets out of the car and runs to the edge of the walkway.)
Catherine: Lindsey? Lindsey!
(She sees EDDIE'S car down below semi-submerged in running canal water. In the back of the car, LINDSEY'S still inside, hitting the window with her hand.)
Lindsey: (crying) Mommy!
Catherine: Hang on, honey!
(CATHERINE goes back to the car & opens the emergency kit in her trunk. She grabs the screwdriver and heads back to the car.)
Lindsey: Mommy! Hurry!
(CATHERINE slides down the embankment toward the car and into the water.)
Catherine: I'm here, honey.
Lindsey: (hits the car window) Mommy!
Catherine: I'm going to get you out. Hang on.
(CATHERINE checks the car window then instructs LINDSEY.)
Catherine: Okay. Listen. I have to break the window, okay? You've got to move to the front.
Lindsey: Mommy, I can't! I can't. I'm scared!
Catherine: Okay, I'm going to come around, okay? I'm coming around.
Lindsey: Please, mommy.
(CATHERINE moves around the side of the car that's covered in water. She lifts herself up on the car and looks through the window at LINDSEY.)
Catherine: I'm here, Lindsey. I'm going to go down. I'm going to go down.
(CATHERINE motions to LINDSEY, who shakes her head.)
Lindsey: No, mommy! No!
(CATHERINE takes a deep breath and dives under the water. She reaches the front seat window. Using the screwdriver in her hand, she breaks through the glass. She reaches in and grabs LINDSEY. She pulls her daughter out through the open window and up toward the surface. They break surface, both coughing and gasping for air.)
(CATHERINE holds her daughter tight.)
Catherine: You all right? You okay?
Lindsey: (nodding) Mommy.
Catherine: Yes? I got you. Hold on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. ROADSIDE -- NIGHT]
(The crane pulls out EDDIE'S car from the water and back onto the road.)
Lindsey: The lady who was driving had pink hair. I don't remember her name.
Det. Vega: But Lindsey, it was your father's car. Why wasn't he driving it?
Lindsey: He had a stomachache.
(Quick flashback to inside the car. The woman is driving fast and EDDIE is groaning in the front seat.)
Pink-haired Woman: Hang on. We'll get to the hospital.
Eddie: I can't make it.
(The car swerves, tires screech. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Lindsey: The lady got out and then daddy fell out. He didn't come back.
(LINDSEY turns to look at CATHERINE who doesn't say anything. Their eyes meet.)
Det. Vega: Catherine?
(CATHERINE stands up and moves to the side with DET. VEGA. The paramedics continue to check LINDSEY.)
Det. Vega: (quietly) Is Eddie the kind of guy that would leave his daughter abandoned in the back of a car?
Catherine: (immediately shakes her head) Never, never, never, no. He loves Lindsey. He'd never do that. Not willingly.
(The hydraulic lift continues to pull the car out. CATHERINE turns, distracted by the sound.)
Catherine: Be careful with my car, boys.
(SARA stands to the side waiting for the car to reach the road.)
Lindsey: Mom? (CATHERINE turns around.) He's dead, isn't he?
(For a moment, CATHERINE doesn't know what to say. She shakes her head.)
Catherine: I don't know, baby. I ... I'm going to go look for him, though. I'm just going to be right over there.
(CATHERINE points toward the car and SARA.)
Sara: Okay, that's enough.
Catherine: I want you to stay here with Detective Vega. Okay?
(CATHERINE pushes the blanket off of her shoulders and heads toward SARA and the car.)
Det. Vega: (to LINDSEY) How you doing? Want some cocoa or something?
(SARA starts to examine the car from the passenger side. CATHERINE approaches the car and heads for the driver's side.)
(SARA looks around the inside of the car. She sees the debris on the car floor and the blood stains on the passenger seat. She opens the car door.)
(CATHERINE puts her coffee cup down on the ground. She opens the driver's side door and looks around. On the dashboard, CATHERINE sees the vial of blue liquid. She picks it up. SARA sees this.)
Sara: Drugs.
Catherine: Knowing Eddie's taste in women, I'd say that's a good bet.
Sara: (gently) Hey, Catherine? You want to give me that? (CATHERINE looks at SARA. Their eyes meet.) You shouldn't be handling evidence. You're not on the case.
(Camera holds on CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(On the monitor is a skeletal view of CROIX RICHARDS, the body from the apartment. The dead body is on the table being x-rayed by ROBBINS.)
Robbins: Stop it right there.
(ROBBINS puts on his glasses as he examines the monitor. NICK walks in.)
Nick: Hey, Doc.
Robbins: Hey.
Nick: I thought I'd come and get an update on ... Stinky here. Whew! Wow, that's horrible.
Robbins: I'm generally immune to the stench of a decomp, but, uh, two weeks of decay still tickles the vibrassae of my nasal vestibule.
Nick: Yeah, I'll say. Hey, what's the foreign body lodged in his femur?
Robbins: (to the assistant) Crank up the milliamps.
(The portion on the monitor is enhanced.)
Nick: Whiter than bone. Dense like a metal. What exactly are we looking at?
Robbins: Let's find out.
(ROBBINS picks up a scalpel.)
Nick: (reacts to the smell) Whew!
(ROBBINS cuts into the body.)
Robbins: I feel like Androcles pulling the thorn from a lion's paw.
(He picks up a tweezer and pulls out something thin.)
Nick: Looks like the tip of a needle.
Robbins: It probably broke off when it hit the bone.
(Quick CGI POV of the needle piercing through skin, through muscle and hitting bone where it breaks off. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
WHITE FLASH TO
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- HALLWAY]
(BRASS and GRISSOM walk through the hallway. BRASS is holding a report in his hand.)
Brass: I've started to see into the future. Thanks to credit card reports, I see that our phone victim booked a room at the Tangiers for tonight.
Grissom: He was staying at The Sphere.
Brass: Two hotel rooms in one night. He was a busy boy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TANGIERS - HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT]
(WARRICK opens the door and walks inside. There's a scantily-clad woman lounging on the bed in her lingerie, a champagne glass in her hand. She doesn't flinch when WARRICK walks in.)
Rebecca McCormick: Hello.
Warrick: Hello.
Rebecca McCormick: You're late. Not-not that I mind.
(GRISSOM walks into the room. She seems more than surprised.)
Rebecca McCormick: There's two of you?
Warrick: We work as a team.
(She sees that GRISSOM and WARRICK each has their case with them.)
Rebecca McCormick: What's in the kit?
Grissom: Latex gloves, cotton swabs, specimen jars, other evidence-gathering stuff.
Rebecca McCormick: Wait a minute. Uh, what's going on here?
(She puts her champagne glass on the bedside table and sits up.)
Grissom: You tell us.
Rebecca McCormick: Oh, my god. You guys are cops. (She stands up, grabs her robe and covers herself with it.) I'm, um ... I'm really embarrassed. I've never done anything like this before. I swear.
Grissom: This room is registered to Trey Buchman. Who are you?
Rebecca McCormick: Do we have to do names?
Warrick: (nods) Uh-huh.
Rebecca McCormick: Rebecca McCormick. (puts her robe on) Look, I got a number from a guy who was giving out these cards on the strip. I thought it would be fun. (mumbles) I-I don't know what I was thinking. (stands and crosses her arms in front of her) Am I under arrest?
Grissom: Not yet ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB -- NIGHT]
(NICK is working on Croix Richards' laptop. The computer beeps.)
(GRISSOM walks into the lab.)
Grissom: Hey.
Nick: Cracked my D.B.'S laptop. Got his appointment book. (On screen up close, we see: "Carla (Orpheus)"; "Mina (Pandora's Box)"; and "Rachel (Tuts Tomb).
Grissom: Women's names. Hotels. Blocks of time.
Nick: You know, Croix had this sweet apartment and this wad of cash. We thought he was selling drugs. (beat) He was selling himself.
Grissom: Gigolo.
Nick: Paid to get laid.
Grissom: So was mine. Two victims, same profession.
Nick: Ooh.
Grissom: What about the needle you found in the decomp?
Nick: The micrometer pegged it as a 30-gauge.
Grissom: Insulin dependents use needles that thin.
Nick: Well, the decomp's too severe. We'll never get anything out of tox or the needle.
Grissom: I think we're working the same case.
(NICK turns to the computer and starts looking at its contents.)
Nick: (smiling) Well, good thing my gigolo was organized. He used accounting software to keep track of his finances.
Grissom: Employment history?
(NICK works the computer. He hits some keys. The screen changes. NICK squints at what he sees. GRISSOM leans in closer to the monitor. The computer beeps. NICK stifles a grin and clears his throat. He glances up at GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LADY HEATHER'S DOMINION - NIGHT]
DOORBELL RINGS (PRELAP)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY HEATHER'S DOMAIN - NIGHT]
(LADY HEATHER makes her way down the stairway. A man screams in the distance.)
Lady Heather: Mr. Grissom, Captain Brass,
(BRASS waits for her in the middle of the room, looking up at the staris a piece of paper in his hand. GRISSOM'S back is to the stairs, he puts the item he was examining back on the fireplace mantle. )
Lady Heather: So nice to see you again.
Brass: Good to hear things haven't changed around here.
Lady Heather: I see you haven't changed, either.
(BRASS hands a color photocopy of the two men's IDs to LADY HEATHER.)
Brass: Trey Buchman, Croix Richards.
(In addition to Croix Richard's Passport ID info, Rey Buchman's Nevada Driver's License is also on the sheet with the following information:
[Nevada Driver License
R360021
BUCHMAN, TREY
2974 WESTFALL AVE. LAS VEGAS NY 89156
Class: C s*x: M Height: 5-10
Weight: 143
Hair: Blk Eyes: Grn DOB: 11/13/81
Expiration date: 05/15/05 ]
Lady Heather: They're both on my payroll. Hard workers, quite skilled.
Brass: They're deceased.
Lady Heather: They'll be missed.
Brass: Last year, you lost Mona Taylor. Now, two more employees. It's a risky business.
Lady Heather: Accusation?
Grissom: It's an observation.
Brass: These guys traded in s*x, and I know you don't allow intercourse in your domain. Now, that is an accusation.
Lady Heather: I profit from the theatrics of pleasure, allowing people to play out their fantasies. Trey and Croix were independent contractors.
Grissom: Lady Heather, what services did they provide?
(Camera holds on LADY HEATHER.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY HEATHER'S DOMINION - POOL ROOM -- NIGHT]
(In the pool room, several different scenes are played out. The first is of two men dressed with pig masks being fed by the "Farmer Girl". One has his face in a bucket, the other is standing on the side.)
Woman: Bad little pig boy. Bad, bad, bad. ... You naughty, bad pig. Oinky, sloppy pig.
(The camera pans upward and two women walk by.)
(They pass by another session where a man is tied to the wall.)
(LADY HEATHER accompanies BRASS and GRISSOM across the pool room. She opens a door and motions for them to walk in. BRASS walks past her and into a hallway that leads to other smaller rooms. GRISSOM motions for LADY HEATHER to walk in ahead of him.)
(Once inside, they pass a series of smaller bedrooms with computers on internet access.)
[Room 1: ]
Man: (on computer) You're right. I deserve to be punished.
Woman: "Mommy" says no. I said, no.
(BRASS walks by this room and looks into the next room.)
[Room 2: ]
(A dark-haired woman sits at the computer typing on the keyboard. Her back is to the door.)
[Room 3: ]
Woman: Oh ... who needs the belt?
(BRASS walks to the end of the hallway and turns around.)
[Room 4: ]
(CHLOE sits in front of the keyboard. As they walk by the room, she turns around and glances at them.)
(GRISSOM looks into Room Two.)
Woman: Say you're sorry.
Man: I'm sorry.
(The dark-haired woman in Room Two, turns around to look at GRISSOM.)
Lady Heather: (to BRASS & GRISSOM) My dominion is also my domain. Ladyheather.com.
Brass: So, Buchman and Richards were down here doing internet p0rn, huh?
Lady Heather: Not p0rn. Voyeurism in a Brave New World.
Grissom: What would Aldous Huxley say?
Lady Heather: Well ... if his credit card were valid, he could say anything he wanted at $3.95 per minute.
(She looks at GRISSOM and abruptly changes the subject.)
Lady Heather: Do you like my lipstick?
(Man groaning in the background.)
Grissom: (shakes his head) Why?
Lady Heather: You've been staring at my lips.
Grissom: You have lovely lips.
(BRASS looks from GRISSOM to LADY HEATHER. LADY HEATHER grins back at GRISSOM.)
Brass: (interrupts) And a very successful business. Thanks. Thanks for your time.
(BRASS heads for the door sweeping GRISSOM along in front of him. GRISSOM turns around to look at LADY HEATHER as he leaves.)
Lady Heather: See you soon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LOUNGE -- NIGHT]
(Inside the Lounge, DET. VEGA and SARA question LINDSEY while CATHERINE watches.)
(LINDSEY looks at CATHERINE.)
Det. Vega: So, after your recital, where did your dad take you?
Lindsey: Leatherbey's. He got me a banana split.
Det. Vega: I like whipped cream on mine ...
Catherine: (interrupting) Did he have anything to drink? Did he have a beer, a glass of wine?
(DET. VEGA glances at CATHERINE.)
Lindsey: (looking at CATHERINE) Just water.
INTERCUT WITH:
[EXT. DRAINAGE CANAL - NIGHT]
(Men holding flashlights walk along the concrete.)
(Cut back to the Lounge. SARA watches CATHERINE.
Sara: (to LINDSEY) So, it was just the two of you?
(LINDSEY turns and nods her head at SARA. She immediately turns back to look at CATHERINE.)
Det. Vega: This lady you told us about -- the one who was driving, the one with the pink hair -- where did you meet her?
(LINDSEY doesn't look at DET. VEGA. She looks at her mother.)
Lindsey: I don't know.
Catherine: (interrupting) You remember, Lindsey. Just think about it.
(LINDSEY looks at CATHERINE. DET. VEGA again glances at CATHERINE. SARA also looks at CATHERINE, then at DET. VEGA. Their eyes meet.)
Lindsey: I fell asleep in the car, and I woke up when we stopped.
Det. Vega: Was this at a house?
Lindsey: No. It was a building.
Sara: Was it an apartment building ... maybe ... or maybe an office building?
Lindsey: I don't know.
Catherine: Why did you stop there?
(LINDSEY looks at CATHERINE.)
[EXT. DRAINAGE CANAL - NIGHT]
(More people with hard hats and flashlights run down the embankment and into the canal. A worker kneels as he examines some debris. He stands up and moves along. They're all looking for something.)
(Cut back to The Lounge.)
Lindsey: Daddy said he had a meeting. He told me to stay in the car and keep the doors locked.
Catherine: You mean he left you in the car alone.
Sara: Catherine ...
Lindsey: (defensive) Mom, mom, it's okay. I said I could take care of myself. I told him I could stay in the car. Just don't be mad at him. He didn't do anything wrong.
Sara: It's okay, Lindsey. Nobody's mad at anybody.
(SARA looks at CATHERINE and stands up. CATHERINE rubs her forehead.)
Sara: (to CATHERINE) Can I talk to you for a second?
(CATHERINE gets up and leaves the room in a huff. She closes the door and paces the hallway outside.)
(SARA sits in the seat vacated by CATHERINE, directly in front of LINDSEY.)
Sara: (softly) It's okay.
[EXT. DRAINAGE CANAL - NIGHT]
(Inside one drainage tunnel, there are a couple of men looking around. The camera then moves to the next drainage tunnel where an unmoving body is some distance inside on the cold concrete ground. There are workers at the mouth of the tunnel. It's only a matter of time before they see the body.)
(Cut back to the Lounge. DET. VEGA and SARA resume questioning LINDSEY.)
Det. Vega: This lady was at the building?
(CATHERINE turns around to watch her daughter inside the room.)
Lindsey: She was outside in the parking lot.
(Quick flashback to earlier that night. EDDIE walks outside in the rain, arms open wide to greet his girlfriend. LINDSEY is inside the car watching.)
Candeece: Eddie.
Eddie: Candeece! Baby!
Candeece: Where were you?
(EDDIE reaches CANDEECE. They hug each other.)
Eddie: What's the matter, honey? Sugar, what's the matter with you?
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: This lady with the pink hair -- was she your father's girlfriend?
(CATHERINE looks at LINDSEY. LINDSEY hesitates in answering. She looks at CATHERINE.)
(Quick flashback to EDDIE and CANDEECE. Resume from the hug. CANDEECE lets go and hits EDDIE on his chest. EDDIE takes a couple of steps backward.)
Candeece: I called you a million times! What are you talking about? Why didn't you answer your phone?
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Lindsey: Maybe. Well, he was mad at her. And then they, they were running back to the car. Daddy was holding his stomach.
(Quick flashback to inside the car. It's raining heavily outside. EDDIE runs to the passenger side. He gets in and groans.)
Lindsey: Daddy, what's wrong?
Eddie: (glancing at LINDSEY and groaning) It's just a stomachache, honey. I'll be fine.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(CATHERINE'S phone rings. She answers it.)
Catherine: Willows. (pause) Yeah.
(CATHERINE pulls the phone away from her ear. She looks sadly into the room. LINDSEY turns her head and looks at her mom. Their eyes meet.)
(Cut to the men in the canal tunnel standing over EDDIE'S body.)
(Cut back to CATHERINE. Camera holds on CATHERINE.)
HARD CUT TO BLACK.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(Camera opens on EDDIE'S body on the autopsy table. CATHERINE looks down at him without moving. Behind her, ROBBINS watches.)
Robbins: (softly) Catherine, you can't say good-bye in an autopsy room.
(For a moment, CATHERINE doesn't say anything. She turns and walks out. ROBBINS watches her leave.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE makes her way through the hallway. GRISSOM meets her in the hallway.)
Grissom: Hi, uh ...
Catherine: (interrupting) Croix Richards and Trey Buchman. Same profession, same employer, same cause of death.
Grissom: Yeah. Insulin poisoning.
(They start walking down the hallway.)
Catherine: Not your typical male M.O. Lady Heather a suspect?
Grissom: I can't rule anybody out. Catherine ... I'm sorry about Eddie and your daughter. If, if you'd like to take some time off or ...
Catherine: I'm okay. Lindsey's ... (pause) ... We're okay.
(CATHERINE turns and walks away from GRISSOM. She heads into the lab where WARRICK and NICK are already there. GRISSOM turns and watches through the glass as both NICK and WARRICK offer CATHERINE their condolences.)
Nick: Hey, Catherine.
(WARRICK stands up.)
Warrick: Hey. We heard about what happened. I'm so sorry.
Nick: Yeah, if you or Lindsey need anything at all ...
Catherine: Thanks, you guys.
Nick: Yeah.
Catherine: Why don't you catch us up.
Warrick: Yeah.
[INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM walks into the room.)
Nick: Credit card transactions for Lady Heather's web site. Both our victims worked in the chat room. We cross-referenced their clients.
Warrick: They're all ladies.
Nick: And looks like both victims died approximately four weeks apart.
Warrick: Killers usually don't stray too far from home.
Catherine: Especially for repeat crimes.
Warrick: Yeah, I'm squeezing the Las Vegas search area.
(WARRICK does his search and picture ID cards for 12 people pop on screen.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]
(LEAH fills SARA in on her test results.)
Leah: Got a vial full of blue boogers.
Sara: GHB with food coloring. That's a date rape drug.
Leah: Not anymore. You mix it with the right stimulant, like meth, you got a great party drink.
Sara: Everyone's a chemist. Thanks.
(SARA sees CATHERINE in the room. CATHERINE watches SARA walk by, her attention not on the case inside the room, but the one walking down the hallway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM draws CATHERINE'S attention back to the room.)
Grissom: You know, we found a dark hair in Trey Buchman's hotel room at the sphere.
Warrick: I'll exclude everyone with light hair.
Grissom: Whoa. Stop.
(The Nevada Driver's License that catches GRISSOM eye is:
[LIC#: 0200794032
REBECCA McCORMICK, DRIVERS LICENSE # AA1529120
235 DESERT RANCH ROAD LAS VEGAS NV 89701
CLASS: C s*x: F HEIGHT: 5'5"
WEIGHT: 121
HAIR: BROWN EYES: BROWN BIRTHDATE: 03-05-1970
EXPIRATION DATE: 03-05-2004
ORGAN DONOR ]
Warrick: Huh. Rebecca McCormick. 235 Desert Ranch Road. "First time", my ass.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. McCORMICK RESIDENCE - INT -- DAY]
(STEVEN and REBECCA McCORMICK walk down the stairs. GRISSOM and CATHERINE wait in the living room.)
(STEVEN walks into the room in front of REBECCA.)
Steven McCormick: Hi. Sorry to keep you waiting. So, what can I do to help out the Las Vegas Crime Lab?
Grissom: You could tell us about your relationship with Croix Richards.
Steven McCormick: Well, uh, I hired Croix Richards to Dominate Rebecca. Would you like a chocolate?
(As if on cue, REBECCA eagerly turns to get the plate of chocolates from the kitchen.)
Rebecca McCormick: Uh, they're Godiva.
Catherine: No, thanks.
(STEVEN takes a chocolate from the tray and pops it into his mouth.)
Steven McCormick: I guess you could say that Mr. Richards worked for me. We were hoping that he might help ease some of Rebecca's sexual difficulties.
Catherine: Extra-marital s*x to help your relationship problems?
Steven McCormick: The problem wasn't with our relationship, it was with my wife's lack of experience.
Grissom: Which Mr. Richards helped you with?
(STEVEN turns to look at REBECCA. As if on cue, she answers GRISSOM.)
Rebecca McCormick: Yes.
(REBECCA puts the tray on the side shelf.)
Steven McCormick: First over the internet and then we, uh, we met with him a few times.
Grissom: We?
Steven McCormick: Yeah, yes.
(REBECCA takes a seat.)
Steven McCormick: I participated in the sessions, yes.
(Quick flashback to a session at LADY HEATHER'S. REBECCA McCORMICK is dressed in a wedding gown and chained to the wall. Behind her, CROIX RICHARD holds a whip while her husband, STEVEN cowers in a corner.)
Croix Richards: Do you take this man to be your wedded husband? Love honor and obey.
Steven McCormick: Say it!
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: And these sessions were held at Lady Heather's?
Steven McCormick: Yes. Lady Heather thought it would be best if I was involved. I'm sure secrets would've made the problem worse, at that point.
Catherine: Mrs. McCormick, did you meet Trey Buchman at Lady Heather's?
(REBECCA looks at STEVEN. STEVEN answers them.)
Steven McCormick: Oh, I'm sorry, who?
Grissom: He worked for Lady Heather as well. He's also dead.
Steven McCormick: Oh ... I don't know who Trey Buchman is.
Grissom: Your wife does.
(STEVEN looks confused.)
Steven McCormick: Oh.
(She answers him.)
Rebecca McCormick: I met Trey on Lady Heather's web site. Our encounters were only on-line.
(Quick flashback to REBECCA McCORMICK in her lingerie and robe on bed while looking at her laptop's camera.)
Rebecca McCormick: Like this? Is this okay?
Trey Buchman: No, it's not okay! Don't you know how to listen, you stupid bitch?!
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: And the night you and I met at the Tangiers?
(STEVEN is definitely not following the questioning and no longer in charge of the situation. He turns and looks at REBECCA. REBECCA answers GRISSOM.)
Rebecca McCormick: Croix was fun. Uh, I wanted more experience. Variation. I made a date with Trey. He never showed up.
Catherine: Well, Mrs. McCormick, I'd like to get a sample of your hair and DNA for comparison.
(Displeased, STEVEN McCORMICK walks to the shelf with the chocolate tray. He picks it up himself and turns to address CATHERINE.)
Steven McCormick: (to the CSIs) Rebecca will give you anything that you need.
(STEVEN McCORMICK puts the tray of chocolates on the table himself. It hits the counter with a clang. He walks out of the room without a word to his wife.)
(Camera holds on REBECCA MCCORMICK.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE]
(SARA examines the car. She notices the blood stain on the front passenger seat. She checks under the floor mat. She lifts the arm rest to check inside the compartment. Finding nothing unusual, she closes it and resumes looking at the car ceiling.)
(SARA sees a piece of folded paper tucked in the overhead visor. She opens it. It appears to be a color proof for a CD cover for CANDEECE. SARA checks the CD slot and pulls out a Demo CD from SAHARA SOUND / 78566 Ambers Avenue / Las Vegas, NV 89198 / (702) 555-0197.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. SAHARA SOUND -- STREET - DAY]
(Workers with jackhammers work on the road outside the studio. SARA and DET. VEGA walk up the driveway to the recording building.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SAHARA SOUND -- DAY]
(DET. VEGA and SARA question the RECORDING STUDIO OWNER and the SOUND ENGINEER.)
Recording Studio Owner: Yeah, I can put you in touch with her Manager, Eddie Willows. Guy owes me a call. Make that five calls. If you talk to him, tell him he's got, like, eight hours of studio fees due. The penalties are running, okay?
Sara: We've already seen him. He's in the morgue.
Recording Studio Owner: Oh, that makes sense why he wasn't here last night. High-strung singer, no manager, that's always trouble.
(Quick flashback to CANDEECE in the recording studio.)
Candeece: (singing) A trail of tears / it takes me back to all my fears...
(She pulls off her earphones and yells.)
Candeece: (yelling) I hate this! This sucks! Okay?
(She heads out the recording booth and into the control booth.)
Candeece: Where is Eddie? I need Eddie here.
Recording Studio Owner: Get back in the booth.
Candeece: (yelling on phone) Where are you? I need you here now. I cannot do this without help. (to the Sound Engineer lounging in the doorway) Can I have a little privacy, please? Would you go in there and learn how to do your job? It sounds terrible in there, anyways.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sound Engineer: She started ragging on me. I didn't need the hot air, so I came back in. (to ENRIQUE in the booth) That's a cut, Enrique. Let's take it from the bridge.
Recording Studio Owner: Eddie was just in it for the quick score. Cut a demo, sell a contract, get a ride on the charts and you just ride that wave.
Sound Engineer: This girl was different.
Recording Studio Owner: Yeah, he was banging her.
Sound Engineer: Yeah, but he had something for her, knowing how much potential she had. I never seen Eddie so dedicated. Nothing was going to stop him from making her a star.
Det. Vega: Except maybe a .22 round in his gut.
Sound Engineer: (to ENRIQUE) Stop, stop, stop. That's a cut, Enrique.
Recording Studio Owner: Whoa. It sounds good from where I'm standing-- what's up?
Sound Engineer: The problem isn't the vocals, man, it's the extra bass line I keep getting from the village people outside with that damn jackhammer.
(DET. VEGA looks over at SARA.)
Sound Engineer: (to ENRIQUE) All right, let's pick it up from the second chorus.
Sara: Aren't recording studios supposed to be soundproof?
Recording Studio Owner: Lady, if the guy standing next to you is Clive Davis, instead of a cop, it would be.
Sara: After Candeece left, did you guys keep recording?
Recording Studio Owner: Um, yeah, a few more hours. We were redoing a drum track.
(SARA turns to DET. VEGA.)
Det. Vega: We're going to need to take a look at those tapes.
WHITE FLASH TO:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Scope view of a strand of hair. A second hair is added.)
Warrick: Okay, the hair on the left is from Trey Buchman's room at The Sphere hotel. The hair on the right is a sample we took from Rebecca McCormick. Cuticles on both are shiny and smooth. Telltale signs the hair has been treated.
(WARRICK is in the lab with GRISSOM and CATHERINE.)
Warrick: The cortex isn't letting any light through. It lets us know the hair's been colored. The medullas are continuous. I can't be definitive without DNA, they look like Rebecca McCormick's.
(WARRICK steps aside and CATHERINE looks through the scope.)
Catherine: So she lied to you guys at the hotel, she lied to us at the house. She's been with him, not just online.
Grissom: But her husband only knew about the guy he hired, Croix Richards. He had no idea that she hired Trey Buchman.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY HEATHER'S DOMINION -- DAY]
(LADY HEATHER and GRISSOM walk through the hallway.)
Lady Heather: Steven McCormick wanted his wife to have a session. It's not uncommon. When a client achieves liberation, they often want their spouse to share that feeling. Though in this particular instance I advised the husband to pursue avenues more suited to the temperament of his marriage.
(They turn the corner and walk up the stairs.)
Grissom: I guess you couldn't say no. I learned that Mr. McCormick is an investor in your internet site.
Lady Heather: That's a matter of public record.
Grissom: Did he ever tell you, specifically, what his wife's problem was?
Lady Heather: The fault lay not in his wife, but in himself. Steven believed his wife was repressed, but once she opened up ...
Grissom: A Pandora's box? All the evils of their marriage unleashed?
(CHLOE SAMMS walks toward them in the opposite direction. She stops in front of LADY HEATHER and asks permission to pass.)
Chloe Samms: May I?
Lady Heather: You may.
Chloe Samms: Thank you, Lady Heather.
(CHLOE looks at GRISSOM, then passes LADY HEATHER and continues down the hallway.)
Lady Heather: Steven came to me three years ago in a state of confusion. I helped him clarify his need for dominance.
(Quick flashback to STEVEN McCORMICK sitting in a private room. Kneeling in front of him is a naked woman. LADY HEATHER gives them instructions.)
Lady Heather: You will control her only as well as you can read her.
(STEVEN reaches down and grasps the woman's chin. He looks at her. It's CHLOE SAMMS.)
Lady Heather: Now read.
(STEVEN looks into CHLOE'S eyes. She meets his eyes. He swings and hits her across the cheek.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(LADY HEATHER and GRISSOM continue down the hallway. She stops in front of some unlit candles that should be lit.)
Lady Heather: Our work enabled him to marry.
Grissom: But he chose a woman who didn't understand the dynamics of a Dominant-submissive relationship.
Lady Heather: Unfortunately, the language we speak in here doesn't necessarily translate to the world out there.
(She takes a match and lights the candle.)
Grissom: No, in here, the submissive has the power. All he has to do is say the safety word and everything stops.
Lady Heather: Very good, Mr. Grissom.
(She blows out the match and turns around.)
Grissom: I'm just repeating what I've heard.
Lady Heather: You're a good listener.
Grissom: Part of the job.
Lady Heather: So this is work?
Grissom: Yes. But I value your insight.
Lady Heather: (smiles) I'm flattered. But you already seem to know the answers to your questions. You keep me in proximity when I walk away and when I'm close ... (she takes a step closer to GRISSOM) .... you watch my lips. Are you losing your hearing?
Grissom: I'm losing my balance.
Lady Heather: Your sense of self?
Grissom: No. I know who I am.
Lady Heather: Do you?
Grissom: (nods) (quietly) Yes, I do.
(He reaches out a hand and brushes the hair away from her face. She closes her eyes for a moment. She opens her eyes. GRISSOM reaches out to her with both hands framing her face.)
Grissom: You can always say stop.
Lady Heather: So can you.
(Camera holds on GRISSOM and LADY HEATHER looking at each other.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT -- DAY]
(SARA and DET. VEGA interview CANDEECE.)
Candeece: Eddie's my manager. It's no big secret. We were supposed to be working last night, and the jerk blew me off.
Det. Vega: So you never saw him last night?
Candeece: No.
Sara: What happened to your wrist?
Candeece: Oh, uh ... I got, uh ... um ... because, uh ...
Sara: According to Desert Palms Emergency Room, you came in last night with a fracture of the ulna. It's a common injury in car accidents -- air bag specific.
(Quick flashback to the driver's air bag inflating. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(CATHERINE enters the observation room.)
Sara: (over speaker) Air bags are packed with cornstarch or talc. It helps them deploy. It also wreaks havoc on the eyes.
Det. Vega: We know you saw Eddie last night. We know that you were driving his car.
Candeece: It all happened so fast, you know? One minute I was, I was just outside getting some air and thinking, you know? And then... the next, my manager is stumbling towards me, bleeding.
(Quick flashback to EDDIE stumbling toward CANDEECE in the rain. She puts out a supporting arm and they both head toward the car.)
Eddie: Candeece, baby, I'm shot!
Candeece: Eddie! Oh, my god! I'll get you in the car.
(Cut to CANDEECE turning to the back seat.)
Candeece: (to LINDSEY) Everything's going to be okay, honey. Okay, don't be afraid.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: Sounds pretty heroic.
Candeece: Not really. When you're intimate with somebody, you can't imagine life without them. We were partners. I loved him. I thought I was going to die.
Sara: There were two other people in the car.
Candeece: That's what I meant, you know? I thought we were all going to die.
Det. Vega: Search and Rescue found Eddie's body 100 yards downstream.
Sara: See, that's where it gets a little less heroic -- we found Lindsey alone in a sinking car.
Candeece: I tried to get Eddie out. He was unconscious, and that ... that kid kept screaming ... and ... the current was really strong and we got swept downstream. What was I supposed to do?
Sara: Get to a phone, call the cops, call an ambulance, anything, actually ... other than what you did.
Candeece: I am just one person. Eddie is my priority, not that ... that stupid, screaming little brat.
(CATHERINE shakes her head and marches out of the observation room.)
Candeece: I tried, I ...
(CATHERINE bursts into the interrogation room.)
Catherine: You even think about my daughter again, I'll kill you. I will kill you.
Sara: Catherine.
Catherine: I will hunt you down and put ... I will put you in the ground!
Sara: Catherine?
(SARA grabs CATHERINE by the shoulders and drags her out of the room.)
Candeece: (to VEGA) You saw that. She threatened me! I want a lawyer.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
Sara: What the hell are you doing? Do you know where you're at right now?
Catherine: I've been here a lot longer than you ...
Sara: And you should know better.
Catherine: And I wouldn't have to be here if you were doing your job properly.
Sara: There is a difference between me doing my job and you wanting to do it for me. You don't want to get the job done. What you want, right now, is revenge.
Catherine: You're going to tell me what I want, huh?
Sara: Go home, Catherine. Be with your daughter. She's the one that needs you.
(SARA walks away leaving CATHERINE in the hallway staring after her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY HEATHER'S DOMINION - DAY]
(GRISSOM is sitting at the table pouring LADY HEATHER a cup of tea.)
Grissom: What did you consider this? A little civility before work, I think?
Lady Heather: ... or a ritual to put us at ease. Or how about "in custom and ceremony, are innocence and beauty born."
Grissom: Yeats ... "Prayer For My Daughter."
Lady Heather: Or our morning.
Grissom: Cream?
Lady Heather: Please.
(GRISSOM pours the cream as LADY HEATHER watches.)
Lady Heather: Thank you.
Grissom: Sugar?
Lady Heather: I'm diabetic.
(This catches GRISSOM'S attention.)
Grissom: Type 1?
Lady Heather: Mm-hmm.
Grissom: Injections?
Lady Heather: Used to mean injections. I changed to a pressure syringe.
(She picks up her tea cup.)
Grissom: Recently?
Lady Heather: Mm-hmm, a few weeks ago. Oh, it's a fascinating instrument; would you like to see it?
Grissom: (hesitates) Yes, I would ...
(She lifts her tea cup and blows on it.)
Grissom: ... But I'm afraid I'll need a warrant.
(She stops mid-sip and lifts her head.)
Grissom: Excuse me.
(GRISSOM stands up and takes out his cell phone. He makes the call.)
Grissom: (to phone) It's Grissom. I need you to write paper on Lady Heather's medical paraphernalia -- specifically, an insulin kit and syringes. (pause) I'm already there. I'll wait.
(GRISSOM puts his phone away.)
Lady Heather: I think I just heard you say "stop."
(GRISSOM looks at LADY HEATHER.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE -- DAY]
(BRASS is interviewing REBECCA McCORMICK. WARRICK stands in the back of the room.)
Brass: You lied to us, Mrs. McCormick. You said you only engaged in on-line s*x with Trey Buchman.
Warrick: Your hair has a similar morphology to the hair that we found in Mr. Buchman's hotel suite.
Rebecca McCormick: Well, "similar" doesn't mean me.
Warrick: No, but the DNA we also recovered from under the sheets does mean you.
Brass: Sounds like a physical encounter to me.
Rebecca McCormick: So ... since I pay for s*x, I must also be a murderer?
Brass: No, it's just that everybody you pay for s*x ends up dead.
Rebecca McCormick: I don't like you.
Brass: Well, I guess I'll have to live with that. (she stands up and walks to the back of the room to look out the window.) Here's something else you might not like. Two months ago, your bank records show cash withdrawals totaling
Warrick: The same amount that we found in Croix Richards' apartment.
Rebecca McCormick: Croix wasn't even half that good. Of course, that's still better than my husband.
(WARRICK looks at BRASS.)
Brass: You used to work for Latona Pharmaceuticals, right?
Rebecca McCormick: Years ago.
Brass: You sold synthetic insulin.
Rebecca McCormick: All right. Mm-hmm. We've had our fun, but I'm stopping it now. Any other question you have can be directed to my lawyer.
(REBECCA McCORMICK gathers her things and leaves the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB]
(ARCHIE works on the recording tracks SARA and DET. VEGA got from the SAHARA STUDIOS.)
Archie: Well, modern recording's all digital. Each track's recorded in a separate data file. By looking at the file modification times, we can approximate which tracks were recorded near the time of the shooting.
Sara: Catherine left Eddie at 5:30 P.M. Lindsey's first call was logged in at
Archie: Let's see, well ... only two tracks were laid down during that time interval. "7:41: Acoustic guitar ... 10:38: Drum track."
Sara: Let's look at the drum track.
(ARCHIE puts the drum track on the monitor and speaker.)
Archie: There's the kit drum.
Sara: So any irregularity in the pattern could be from an outside source.
Archie: Yeah. Right here. A sudden change in amplitude.
Sara: Can you isolate it?
Archie: Yeah.
(ARCHIE replays the portion of the sound track he highlighted. Inside the drum track, there's a distant bang. SARA glances back at ARCHIE.)
Sara: Sounds like gunfire.
Archie: I'll play it again.
(ARCHIE replays the portion again. It definitely sounds like gunfire.)
Archie: Let me take out the drums.
(ARCHIE separates the sounds and plays it again. The first sound is gunfire. After that, there's a second, faint-whirring sound.)
Sara: What is that?
Archie: Feels like an engine. V-twin, maybe. Must have been somebody else there. You think we got a witness?
Sara: Or a suspect.
(VEGA enters the lab.)
Vega: Hey ... I was able to pull the phone records for Candeece. She made six calls that night. The first five went to Eddie.
Sara: But not the last one. You got an address?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT/EXT. KINER'S RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(Camera opens on SARA taking a sample of something blue stuck to the drain in the sink. Outside, DET. VEGA questions KINER.)
Kiner: (o.s.) I get all kind of calls. It could've been a girl that I slept with. Or a girl that I didn't sleep with. Could've been a wrong number.
(KINER turns around to look at what SARA'S doing. VEGA pulls his attention back to the officer.)
Det. Vega: Since when do wrong numbers last for four minutes?
Kiner: You hear a sexy voice on the phone, what are you gonna do, you gonna hang up?
(SARA walks out of the garage.)
Det. Vega: So you do remember the call.
Sara: I like your Harley.
(SARA heads to the back of the SUV where she processes the sample on a SENSIR machine.)
Det. Vega: Look, Kiner, you're on parole; you got no rights looking at two strikes. I'm not trying to pull a fast ball on you, but it's not the first time you've talked to Candeece.
Kiner: So maybe me and Candy are friends.
Det. Vega: Were friends. You guys used to talk once a day. Then she stopped calling you, until last night.
Kiner: People change. Fell into a bad element.
(SARA gets the following test results back from the SensIR Technology machine. Sample ID: 0035432 / "Most likely primary component: GHB Gamma Hydroxybutyric Acid".)
Sara: Mr. Kiner, do you own this house?
Kiner: My father left it to me.
Sara: Your father have a drug problem? We found GHB in your garage. "Georgia home boy."
Det. Vega: Tell us what happened with Eddie.
Kiner: Candy needed "help."
(Quick flashback to KINER holding the vial of blue GHB out to CANDEECE. EDDIE is there and he's upset with the exchange. In fact, he tries to stop it.)
Eddie: Hey, hey, hey! (to KINER) What are you doing here? What are you selling her drugs for? (to CANDEECE) What are you doing? I wanted you clean. Hey, please ... what do you want, huh? This what you want?
(KINER steps back while EDDIE struggles with CANDEECE. She pulls out a gun and fires it.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Kiner: I got on my hog. I got the hell out of there. What do you expect me to do? Go back to the joint for her?
(DET. VEGA turns around to look at SARA. She shrugs.)
Det. Vega: (to the officers) Cuff him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - AFTERNOON]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]
(BRASS is questioning LADY HEATHER. LADY HEATHER is sitting down at the table facing the mirror on the wall. BRASS is standing behind the chair in front of the mirror.)
Brass: Quid pro quo, right? Steven invests in your business, you kill the two guys who are messing around with his wife.
Lady Heather: I could help you, Mr. Brass ... with your inadequacy.
Brass: You know, I'd like that, Lady H. It's tough being me. I'd like to feel more secure in my role as a homicide detective.
(BRASS takes a seat close to LADY HEATHER.)
Brass: You know what really gets me wild? The truth. Are you up for that?
(Cut to the Observation POV of the Interrogation room through the two-way mirror. Before answering the question, LADY HEATHER turns and looks directly at the mirror ... directly at GRISSOM.)
Lady Heather: (over speaker) Mr. Grissom collected samples of my insulin. He's undoubtedly identified it as non-synthetic.
Brass: (over speaker) He told me it was beef insulin.
Lady Heather: (over speaker) Which, I take it, matches the insulin found in the two victims.
Brass: (over speaker) Do you know that only seven percent of diabetics in this country use an animal-based insulin? They import yours from Great Britain.
Lady Heather: (over speaker) Which narrows the field down even further.
Brass: (over speaker) Right into your dominion.
Lady Heather: My personal area is open. Anyone could've walked right in and stolen from me.
(LADY HEATHER turns her head and looks directly at the mirror. She stands up and walks toward the mirror.)
Brass: Is it something I said?
(LADY HEATHER continues to walk toward the mirror. She glances down at BRASS, but is more interested in speaking to the man standing behind the mirror.)
Lady Heather: (to GRISSOM) I'm disappointed in you. But not surprised.
(She stops in front of the mirror. She looks into it as if knowing that GRISSOM is standing directly in front of her on the other side of the mirror.)
Lady Heather: (to GRISSOM) You fear me ... because I've committed the one unforgivable act.
Brass: No, it's more like two acts ... of murder.
(GRISSOM watches as LADY HEATHER lifts her head and, almost as if the mirror weren't there, she meets his eyes.)
Lady Heather: (to GRISSOM) I know you. And I know that in your heart, you don't believe I did this.
(And almost as if the words came from GRISSOM himself, BRASS answers her.)
Brass: (b.g.) (over speaker) Lady Heather ... this has nothing to do with heart. It's all about the evidence.
(For a moment, she doesn't move. She turns to look back at BRASS. Then she turns back to look at the mirror ... at GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(GRISSOM examines LADY HEATHER'S insulin injector.)
(He takes the end off.)
(He puts it down on the table. One by one, he inspects the six insulin bottles lined up on the table. On the fifth bottle, he notices that some of it is missing, the quantity is less than the other bottles. He visually compares it with the other bottles, there is definitely a noticeable difference.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]
(GRISSOM walks into the lab. GREG is looking through a scope. GRISSOM puts the samples on the table next to GREG.)
Grissom: Greg! I need you to process these right away. Priority.
(GRISSOM turns to walk away. CATHERINE walks in and calls out to him.)
Catherine: Grissom!
(GRISSOM looks at CATHERINE.)
Catherine: We got a problem.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. McCORMICK RESIDENCE - NIGHT]
(REBECCA McCORMICK'S lifeless gaze looks into the camera from her position on the stairs. CATHERINE and GRISSOM walk up to the body.)
Catherine: Stranglings are intimate. Crime of passion.
(GRISSOM turns around and looks at something in the kitchen that catches his attention.)
Grissom: Or not.
(STEVEN McCORMICK casually pours himself a cup of milk and drinks it.)
HARD CUT TO BLACK.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. McCORMICK RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]
(STEVEN McCORMICK sits on the chair in the living room. CATHERINE walks over and sits in the chair facing him.)
Catherine: Mr. McCormick ... were you the one who found your wife?
Steven McCormick: Yes.
Catherine: On the stairs?
Steven McCormick: Yes.
Catherine: May I see your hands, please?
(STEVEN McCORMICK holds out his hands, palms up. CATHERINE stands and examines them.)
Catherine: Other side.
(STEVEN McCORMICK flips his hands over, palms down. When she's through, she sits back down.)
Catherine: They look clean.
Steven McCormick: Mmm. Shouldn't they be?
Catherine: I don't know. If it were my spouse, I would've touched the body.
Steven McCormick: Mmm. I didn't.
(Behind them in the next room, GRISSOM processes the crime scene. He finds something embedded in REBECCA McCORMICK'S neck. He uses a tweezer and pulls it out. It looks like a piece of feather ... )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SAHARA SOUND STUDIO -- DAY]
(DET. VEGA and SARA question CANDEECE.)
Candeece: Kiner is a drug dealer.
Sara: Your drug dealer.
Candeece: No. Not anymore. Eddie got me off all that stuff.
Det. Vega: You called Kiner. He came here.
Candeece: I tried to call Eddie. He had his phone off. He was with his pain-in-the-ass daughter and that psycho ex-wife of his. I was just alone in front of a microphone with my whole career riding on a demo.
(Quick flashback to the night. CANDEECE and EDDIE argue in the rain.)
Candeece: It's none of your business.
Kiner: Hey, Eddie.
Eddie: What?
(EDDIE turns around and KINER shoots. EDDIE doubles over.)
Eddie: Oh, my god!
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Candeece: I thought Eddie wasn't coming. I guess he was just late.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(GRISSOM and BRASS rapidly walk through the hallway. GRISSOM fills BRASS in on his latest discovery.)
Grissom: The material we found in Rebecca McCormick's wound was nylon thread with fragments of ostrich feather.
(GRISSOM and BRASS glance at each other.)
Brass: Oh, I know that look. We're going back to Lady Heather's.
Grissom: I can take care of this myself.
Brass: Gil, do me a favor, get a sports car. It's a lot cheaper and easier to handle.
CUE: (PRELAP) DOORBELL RINGING
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY HEATHER'S DOMINION -- DAY]
(LADY HEATHER opens the front door to GRISSOM.)
Grissom: I'd like to come in.
Lady Heather: Of course you would. Say the magic word.
(BRASS steps into view.)
Brass: Warrant? (beat) We don't have one.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY HEATHER'S DOMINION - ROOM -- DAY]
(BRASS and GRISSOM stand inside one of the rooms with internet connection.)
Grissom: The, uh, submissive that was in here yesterday was wearing a feather boa.
Lady Heather: That would be Chloe.
Brass: Chloe, uh...?
Lady Heather: Chloe Samms. She uses it as a garrote -- a way to control her breathing to heighten the experience for the dominant client.
(GRISSOM looks around the room and notices a pair of shoes with white stains near the bed. He picks it up and smells it. It smells familiar to him.)
Grissom: Hmm. Same scent as Trey Buchman's crime scene. Remember the strawberry foam? Do these belong to Chloe?
Lady Heather: Believe so.
Brass: Well, the shoes link Chloe to the nightclub and this job links Chloe to the two vics. Where is she?
Lady Heather: She quit yesterday.
Brass: I bet I know why. Well, if she's in town, I'll find her.
(BRASS steps out of the room leaving GRISSOM and LADY HEATHER alone.)
Grissom: I owe you an apology.
Lady Heather: Apologies are just words.
(LADY HEATHER leaves. Camera holds on GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
(CATHERINE enters the lab. SARA is already there wrapping up the paperwork, evidence in packages around her.)
Catherine: So you're calling it?
(At the sound of her voice, SARA stops writing. She looks up and turns round.)
Sara: I got two liars and no murder weapon ... and no choice. I'm going to nail the singer on child endangerment and fleeing the scene, and the dealer goes up on possession for sale.
(Although she doesn't like it, CATHERINE understands. She sighs.)
Catherine: What a great bedtime story for my little girl.
Sara: Cath, I did my best.
(CATHERINE doesn't say anything.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY OUTSIDE INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]
(GREG hands GRISSOM the test results. GRISSOM looks it over as he explains it.)
Greg: No-needle syringe used on the vic at the foam party. I recovered some epithelials from the plunger end, compared them to your reference sample. That girl you have in custody ...
(CHLOE SAMMS sits inside the interrogation room behind them.)
Greg: ... it's her DNA. Case closed.
Grissom: Thank you, Greg.
(GRISSOM turns around and enters the interrogation room. BRASS is already there. He closes the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM sits down at the table. He puts a photo of the Vision(tm) injector on the table for CHLOE SAMMS to look at.)
Grissom: Look familiar?
(CHLOE glances down at the photo. She doesn't say anything. She looks back up at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: Insulin was injected into Trey Buchman's shoulder at this end ... by you.
(Quick flashback to the club. Music is blaring. CHLOE SAMMS dances her way to Trey Buchman, injects him, then dances away. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: Your epithelials were found at the plunger end. Epithelials are skin cells filled with DNA - your genetic fingerprint.
(GRISSOM puts the test results on the table.)
Brass: So, you're going to tell us why and you're going to tell us why you strangled Rebecca McCormick.
Chloe Samms: For Steven. I belong to him.
(GRISSOM looks back at CHLOE, a bit surprised by this response.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]
(BRASS stands near the door and GRISSOM sits at the table as they question STEVEN McCORMICK.)
Steven McCormick: Chloe had a problem controlling her emotions. She let things get personal.
Brass: Define "personal," in your crowd.
Steven McCormick: In my "crowd"?
Brass: Yeah.
(Quick flashback to CHLOE and STEVEN kissing. Then STEVEN pushes CHLOE away and walks away from her. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: So you started seeing each other outside of Lady Heather's?
Steven McCormick: We'd meet occasionally, yes. Listen ... my wife had a problem with s*x.
Brass: Sounds like she had a problem with you, pal.
Steven McCormick: My wife had a problem with s*x. And at Lady Heather's, I fixed her.
Brass: Oh, you "fixed" her?
Steven McCormick: Yes.
Brass: She stay "fixed"? Yeah, you fixed her so good that she started spending your money to get other men to give her what you couldn't.
Steven McCormick: Rebecca was out of control.
Brass: So you got her to kill Richards and Buchman.
Steven McCormick: No, I didn't.
Brass: And then you told her to kill your wife.
Steven McCormick: No, I loved my wife. I didn't tell Chloe to do anything.
Brass: What happened?
Steven McCormick: She killed Richards and Buchman on her own.
Brass: Okay.
Grissom: Chloe thought that killing your wife's lovers would please you. (beat) And it did please you.
Steven McCormick: I told her to stop.
Grissom: But she didn't obey you. She killed your wife. You couldn't make Chloe do what you wanted. All that time at Lady Heather's and you never learned that the submissive is the one in control?
Steven McCormick: I told her to stop.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HALLWAY -- DAY]
(Officers escort CHLOE SAMMS down the hallway. BRASS and STEVEN McCORMICK walk out of the interrogation room and into the hallway. CHLOE SAMMS looks back behind her to look at STEVEN.)
(Camera holds on STEVEN McCORMICK.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. WILLOWS' RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]
(LINDSEY walks out of her room and down the hallway to her mother's room.)
(CATHERINE is crying on her bed.)
Lyric: ... stay tonight / we'll watch the full moon rising ...
(LINDSEY sits on the bed and puts her cheek on her mother's shoulder. She wraps her arms around her mom and brushes her hair soothingly with her fingers.)
Lindsey: (softly) It's okay, mommy. It's okay. It's okay.
Lyric: ... hold on tight ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LADY HEATHER'S DOMINION - DRIVEWAY - NIGHT]
Lyric: ... the sky is breaking ...
(The camera opens on the driveway outside The Dominion. The camera pans over to show a car parked in the driveway. GRISSOM sits inside his parked car. He looks at LADY HEATHER'S front door.)
Lyric: ... I don't ever want to be alone ...
(He sits there behind the wheel looking at the front door. He sighs.)
Lyric: ... with all my darkest dreaming ... hold me close ... | Plan: A: a man; Q: What was found dead at a foam party? A: Nick; Q: Who works on the case of a man found dead in his home? A: Catherine; Q: Who is trying to find her missing daughter and ex-husband? A: a women; Q: Whose death did Catherine and Grissom investigate? A: the aforementioned two men; Q: Who was the woman involved with? A: Sara; Q: Who takes over the case of Lady Heather? Summary: Warrick and Grissom investigate the death of a man found at a foam party. Nick works on the case of a man found dead in his home. Catherine and Grissom investigate the death of a women who was involved with the aforementioned two men, all of which lead to Lady Heather. Catherine desperately tries to find out where her missing daughter and ex-husband are. Sara eventually takes over the case. |
Savogda Shows airplane flying. Shows airplane hatch opening. Nadia, Irina, Vaughn, Jack, and Sydney all jump out of the hatch. And into Savogda. Nighttime. There is a big red ball hovering over Savogda. Team meets up on the ground, in the streets. There are many wrecked vehicles.
Jack: DSR team is supposed to be here. Contact APO. APO. Marshall and Weiss.
Marshall: We've got Mr. Bristow on sat-comm.
Weiss: Jack, what's your situation?
Jack: We're at the rendevous point, still waiting on the DSR team. We'll give them 5 more minutes and then move on. Have we made any progress with the Russians?
Weiss: No. Director Chase is in Washington. They've organized a coalition to pressure the Russians to call off the air strike, but so far, no luck.
Jack: They do understand that destroying the device with conventional explosives will cause enough toxic fallout to make Chernobyl look like a kitchen fire?
Weiss: Yeah, their official position is they're not buying it, which gives you about 2 hours (both Marshall and Weiss look at their watches) to deactivate the device.
Sydney: Dad, we got a signal from the DSR team's transponder. They're a block and a half away.
Jack (into phone): We'll be in touch.
APO
Marshall: The Russians rely on the Milsat satellite network to vector the bombs, right? If I can hack into it, I can shut it down.
Weiss: And violate several thousand international laws? (whoohoo let's go for it)
Marshall: We're talking about the end of the world. I'm not worried about a tribunal.
Weill: That's a good point. Gogogogo
Elena's hangout. Sloane's here too. Man walks up to Elena.
Man: It's operational.
Elena: Have you notified our cells?
Man: We're on schedule.
Elena: Good. (Man leaves. Pause. Elena turns to Sloane. ) It won't be long before you see her again. I know Nadia. She's gonna make us proud. Team walking along streets.
Sydney: The signal's coming from right here. They find the DSR vehicle with an arm inside. They grimace
Jack: We should keep moving. Rattling sounds. Sydney and Vaughn hold up tranq guns. Brodien comes around the bend.
Sydney: Brodien.
Brodien: Bristow? Oh for G-d's sakes, what are you- I thought you were relieved of duty.
Sydney: Well, don't believe everything you hear.
Vaughn: What happened here?
Brodien: Uh, let's just say those tranqs-they're not gonna do you any good. Not on the infected. They're like rabid dogs. They travel in packs. (pulls out machine guns for everyone) It only took them one night to wipe out my entire team.
Jack: You're the last one alive?
Brodien: I don't know how many there are out there. Hundreds, could be thousands.
Sydney: What about the resat?
Brodien: Dead if they're lucky. When there's no one left to kill they turn on each other. The municipal water supply was tainted. And the device is broadcasting a subaudible frequency off any spectrum. Anyone within the radius of the signal who drank the water has been psychologically altered.
Nadia: Are we gonna just shoot them?
Brodien: Yes. I mean, It's either them or us. They're already gone anyway. We're putting them out of their misery. There is no cure. Once you're infected, there's no reversing the symptoms.
Jack: What have you learned about the device?
Brodien: Uhhh, Best we can tell, the epicenter is, uh, 4 miles northwest. (pulls out a map) Over the Oransky building. Right here.
Jack: In that case, the control center for the device should be located on the rooftop.
Brodien: I've taken out the city's power grid. The device keeps running.
Nadia: Irina knows how to bring it down safely.
Brodien: Irina? Irina Derevko? (stares at her)
Irina: The device has been modified to run off an internal energy source. We need to get to the roof of that building.
Brodien: Okay. Uhh, right. But we can't drive. All the roads are closed off with gridlock.
Sydney: We can get through town through the subway tunnels. It's a straight shot to the Oransky building. There should be an emergency battery system to power up the cars.
Brodien: Those tunnels are pitch black. There's only one way in or out.
Sydney: I'm not saying I'm looking forward to it.
Brodien: All right. Let's go. They continue walking. Camera pans to show one of Elena's men.
Man: (into radio) They're here. Elena's hideout.
Elena: (to Sloane) Less than 2 hours before the Russians launch their strike. Nothing can stop us.
Sloane: Regardless, we should eliminate all possibility. I'll lead the assault team. ( He turns to leave)
Elena: Nadia.
Sloane: (turns back) What about Nadia?
Elena: Bring her back. Give her the option to join us.
Sloane (exasperated): I was going to. (to assault team) Let's go.
APO
Marshall trying to hack into Russian network. Weiss is close by.
Marshall: Dammit. It's too secure. I can't get in from the outside. Unless we have a valid access code, this isn't gonna work.
Weill: So get an access code.
Marshall: Only Russian military officials have access codes to those.
Weiss: We've managed harder. Come on, there's got to be a way. What would Jack do in this situation? Jack is the king of this sort of thing. (hehe it rhymes)
Marshall: Well, first he'd probably glower a bit, right? And then he'd probably blackmail or torture somebody. Right? (he gets that lightbulb facial expression) You're a genius. You, Eric Weiss are a genius. Marshall and Weiss in Sloane's office looking at the Blackwell Index.
Weiss: I thought Sloane turned the Blackwell Index over to Langley.
Marshall: He didn't. It's complicated.
Weiss: Sloane's evil. Why wouldn't he hold on to blackmail material on world leaders.
Marshall: Okay, here it is. Russian Deputy of Defense, Minister Karkov. (highlights name on the index, opens files) We find the right dirt, he'll be begging to give us the code.
Weiss: I think we found your passion. What's this guy into?
Marshall: Let's take a look. (clicks file) Whoah, hello.
Weiss: Is that a. . .
Marshall: I hope not.
Weiss: Wow. Jack and team walking along the street. Jack on the phone.
Weiss: Jack, we found a Russian minister off the Blackwell Index who can get us access to the Milsat. We'll keep you posted.
Jack (to Irina): Marshall and Weiss are working on the Russians. Stubborn bunch, your countrymen.
Irina: We like to control our own fate. You never put much faith in that, did you? Fate, destiny.
Jack: About as much faith as I put in horoscopes, fortune cookies.
Irina: Look. (We see and hear a horse walking along the street. The horse is white, but appears red because of reflection of Rambaldi ball.) Rambaldi wrote, "when bloodred horses run through the streetsand angels fall from the sky, the Chosen One and the Passenger will clash. And only one of them will survive."
Jack: You really are through the looking glass, aren't you. When I see angels fall from the sky, I'll start to worry.
Irina: I just can't shake the feeling that tonight, one of my daughters will perish. The team reaches a gate.
Brodien: This is it. (Uses a blowtorch to open lock on gate.)
Sydney: Hey, Brodien. It looks like the ear heeled up pretty nicely.
Brodien: Yeah, and if you plan on putting any more holes in me, just go ahead and tell me now. All right? (Opens gate) Infected guy, who was waiting inside the gate, stabs Brodien with a long metal pole. Sydney and Nadia shoot Infected guy. Sydney rushes over to Brodien.
Sydney: Hang in there.
Brodien: Go. End this. (dies)
Jack: We should move. Now! (enters gate, everyone follows) All are on radios. Underground subway. Switching room. Nadia and Sydney walk in with flashlights.
Sydney: We found the switching room. We'll set green lights all the way down the line. Jack is in the subway. There are dead people.
Jack: It should only take a few minutes to redirect the power to the drive wheels. How are we on the brakes? Vaughn is working underneath the subway.
Vaughn: The calipers have seized. Must have happened when the power shut down. But if we cut the hydraulic lines and bleed the fluid, they should disengage, but we'll have no manual topping power.
Nadia: We can set the track switch to trigger an emergency stop.
Jack: Right. Be careful out there. Vaughn and Irina are working on the brakes.
Irina: You shouldn't wait.
Vaughn: For what?
Irina: I saw the ring.
Vaughn: Yeah, you know what? You killed my father. The way I see it, I don't have to ask for your blessings.
Irina: Despite that, you may have them. Along with some advice.
Vaughn: Marital advice from you. Wondeful. Like what, don't betray your spouse?
Irina: Yeah, that'd be one of them. But even between a husband and a wife, some secrets are acceptable. However, your activities are not.
Vaughn: What are you talking about?
Irina: You're not as covert as you like to think. Consider my life an object lesson. If you don't want to end up like Jack and me, tell Sydney the truth. Back to Nadia and Sydney in the switching room, flipping switches.
Nadia: It's not catching.
Sydney: They're at either end of the platform. Maybe when the train's at the station, they have to be set manually. We can do it.
Nadia: Okay. (sighs)
Sydney: You still feeling it too?
Nadia: Like something awful's going to happen.
Sydney: I know. (pause) Vaughn asked me to marry him.
Nadia: Sydney. . .That's amazing.
Sydney: I'm sure there are plenty of brides who want to kill their maid of honor. I'm not one of them.
Nadia: Okay.
Sydney: I'll take the switch in front. (they leave the switching room) APO Weiss and Marshall on the phone. Speaking Russian, badly.
Weiss: May I speak to Deputy Minister Karkov?
Voice: Please hold.
Karkov: This is Minister Karkov. To whom am I speaking.
Weiss: Careful. Be listening. We are needing your code of Milsat network.
Karkov: Whoever this is your Russian is awful.
Marshall (covers phone): (In English, half to Weiss, half to himself, half to Karkov) I wrote this program in five minutes, you perv.
Weiss: (in English) I'm gonna make this real simple for you. We need your Milsat access codes. Either give it to us now, or every major news organization will get the tuva photos by morning.
Karkov: (in English) A, I don't know what you're talking about. B, I'm running a trace on this call.
Weiss: Great. I look forward to meeting you. While I've got you on the line, let me ask you-what's the significance of the green balloons. (pause, Marhall gives a thumbs up)
Karkov: Alpha-5-7-2-8-1-1-black. Now let me be clear. If those photos ever-
Weiss: Oh, sure thing, Minister. Or should I call you, "cowboy."? ( Marshall and Weiss both laugh)
Marshall: Got it. Jack alone in subway. There are dead people. A cell phone rings. Jack finds it and answers.
Woman: (in Russian?): Leonid? Thank G-d, What's happening out there? I've been watching the news and they-
Jack: I'm sorry. Leonid is dead. (woman cries, Jack puts cell phone away) APO Marshall and Weiss hacking into computer.
Marshall: Okay, code's good. We're in.
Weiss: Good.
Marshall: Okay. Wait a second. This is odd. (computer shows map of world with arrows all over it)
Weiss: What? What's odd?
Marshall: Well, there is a signal coming out of Savogda. Someone's trying to uplink an encrypted broadcast connect to the Russians' network.
Weiss: It could be Elena. But why would she broadcast over a closed network? Can you find out?
Marshall: Let me see. Jack in subway. Vaughn and Irina come in.
Vaughn: Jack, we cut the breaklines. As soon as you restore power, we'll be good to roll.
Jack: I'm almost done here. Give me a sec. ( He continues to work with wires) Cuts to Nadia walking in front of the subway train, with flashlight. She finds the brake switches. Cuts back to Jack. He gets the power to work.
Irina: Need any help?
Jack: No just another minute. Sydney enters the train.
Irina: Where's Nadia?
Sydney: She isn't back yet?
Irina: No. Nadia is trying to lift the brake switches. She hears screams. \
Nadia: Guys, they're coming.
Vaughn: Nadia, get out of there! (runs down the train)
Nadia: Got it. Train starts to move, Nadia starts to run. Behind her is a mob of infected people. Zombies.
Sydney: (follows Vaughn) Nadia! Vaughn! (Opens th back door of the train) Nadia! Nadia! (Nadia is running, Vaughn shoots at zombies.) Dad, Stop the train!
Jack: Sydney, we can't!
Sydney: Stop the damn train! Nadia! (holds out her arm, Nadia keeps running)
Nadia: Sydney!
Sydney: Come here! Come here! Sydney's and Nadia's fingers touch. Nadia gets tackled by a zombie. Hmmm, someone yells, not sure who, Nadia or Sydney. Other zombies tackle Nadia. Vaughn pulls Sydney back inside the train.
Vaughn: Syd! Inside subway train.
Irina: (to Sydney) Your sister's alive. Sloane and assault team run along the subway stations. Sloane kills the assault team.
Jack: (in subway train) Hold on! We're coming into the station. The wheels screech. Subway doors open. Sloane is aiming his gun at them. They aim their guns at him and walk out of subway train. They see the dead assault team.
Sloane: These are Elena's men, sent here to kill you.
Jack: I suppose you're expecting a thank-you.
Sloane: There's no time for sarcasm, Jack. Elena's men have already primed the world's drinking water. No one else can stop her if we don't get to her within the next few hours.
Sydney: Wait a minute, you expect us to believe that you came here to help us?, please.
Sloane: I have never been disingenuous with you on this, Sydney. I allied myself with Elena in order to put an end to her plan, to shoulder the risk myself. But she's built in security devices, and I haven't had the time.
Jack: I've heard quite enough, Arvin.
Sloane: Jack, I've been inside the operation. If you want to stop Elena, this is how we're gonna do it. She's secured herself inside an antiquated COG facility, below the Oransky building. Sydney, Vaughn, open a line to APO. Jack, you take point. Irina, forgive me, but there's no time for pleasantries-(punched by Jack, and knocked out)
Jack: You're no longer in charge of this team.
APO
On phone.
Weiss: Jack we might have a breakthrough. Marshall detected a signal coming out of the city. We believe Elena is trying to uplink to the milsat network.
Sydney: Do we know why?
Marshall: I decoded the signal-it's a subaudible frequency below the range of human hearing, the same frequency being used by the Mueller device. She's using the Russian satellite network to distribute that frequency worldwide.
Jack: If she succeeds, the effects we're seeing will occur globally, everywhere the water's been primed.
Marshall (frantic): I know I told you there were 2 hours before the air strike, but the instant the Russians scramble those bombers, the satellite network, it's going to go online. The minute that happens, that signal-It's going to be broadcast. She is super tricky-counting on the Russian air strike all along.
Sydney: How much time do we have?
Marshall: 40 minutes, give or take.
Irina: We need to get to the roof of that building and shut down the device.
Jack: (to Marshall) Can you send us intel on the facility-thermal scans?
Marshall: Okay, just give me a sec. (opens files at computer) The Meuller device is causing too much interference. The best I can do is building blueprints. Uploading now.
Vaughn: (his cell phone rings) Got it?
Jack: Put in a call to Chase-Washington should be kept up to speed so they can order foreign leadership to begin preparations.
Weiss: Good luck.
Jack: Yeah, likewise.
Vaughn: Our best bet is the northwest entrance. We can approach it through the alley without being seen.
Sydney: If she anticipated that, all her defenses would be there.
Jack: (to Sloane) You're going to help us get inside that building and up to the roof. We have 40 minutes.
Sloane: Of course.
Jack: If we fail, I will personally put a bullet in your skull. (How many times has he said that?)
Sloane: You won't have to. I can take you up to the roof. It's not a problem, Elena left it unguarded. Once you disable the device, the toxins that are inside will dissipate into the atmosphere. What you're talking about is a suicide mission.
Irina: Just get me to the roof. I can cut the wire to the relay- reverse the ionization. Aside from the impact, the water will be harmless.
Sloane: I'll take you, but your sister changed the wiring scene. It's one of her fail-safes.
Irina: In that case, take me to my sister.
Sloane: I will. Where's Nadia?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Nadia fighting the mob of zombies wither her gun.
Nadia: (into radio) Do you copy? Can anybody hear me? (starts climbing up ladder) Sydney! (climbs back up to the street. She walks along the street, and comes across some angel statues that must have fallen off a church or something.
Guy: Hello? Is somebody there? Help me! Please. (he's sitting on some steps) Don"t hurt me!
Nadia: What happened to you?
Guy: My leg- I think it's broken. Thank G-d. I've been here for hours.
Nadia: It was pretty risky, going out like you did. How did you know I wasn't one of them?
Guy: Because (holds a gun up to her face) I know who you are. Elena's hideout. Elena has Nadia tied up to a chair.
Elena: Sweetheart. I'm sorry it had to be done this way. I hope you understand. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted children of my own, Nadia. Then you came along. And ever since then, no matter how far I was from you, I always thought of you as my daughter. (puts her hand on Nadia's cheek)
Nadia: (pulls back roughly) Don't touch me!
Elena: You have a choice. You can embrace your anger and hate me or you can join me. The flood has begun. (she holds Nadia's head in place) Only precious few will survive. (Looks at a map on wall with pins sticking out of it. Pins probably show places where contaminated water was distributed.) There she is. I see her now-your mother. She used to look at me with those eyes. (Nadia starts to cry.) It's time that you accept the life you have ahead of you. I know it's not easy. Greatness never is.
Nadia: You're right. (Tears stream down her face) I see my future. Two minutes from now, I see myself killing you. (Elena hits her) The only reason you want me to be on your side is because you believe I'm the one to stop Sydney Bristow. But she's my sister. You're nothing to me.
Elena: I am sorry you feel that way. (goes to get a syringe and needle)
Nadia: What's that?
Elena: Don't worry, darling. It's only tap water.
Nadia: I will never betray my sister.
Elena: We'll see. (she injects the fluid right in the middle of the Rambaldi eye that Ana had branded on her neck, she screams) We're probably in the Oransky building. Sydney is walking to go to the roof when Vaughn comes up behind her. Irina, Jack, and Sloane are a bit further away.
Vaughn: Syd!
Sydney: Did I forget something?
Vaughn: Yeah, me- I'm coming with you.
Sydney: Did my dad change the plans?
Vaughn: No, I did. I'm joining you on the roof.
Sydney: It's a one-person job. My mom will relay up the wiring instructions. I can disarm the device myself.
Vaughn: You can't outrun the wall of water that thing's gonna turn into.
Sydney: How are you going to help me?
Vaughn: We'll figure something out. You'll run faster if I'm chasing you.
Sydney: I'll be fine. And they need you in the bunker. If we don't get Elena. . . Vaughn Syd.
Sydney: Don't say it. I'll see you in a few minutes.
Vaughn: Okay Sydney (starts walking away, but turns back): Just in case, yes.
Vaughn: yeah?
Sydney: (close to tears) Yeah, I want to marry you. They kiss. Vaughn pulls out the ring. Sydney takes it and puts it on.
Sydney: It's perfect. So are you. (they kiss again)
Vaughn: Go.
Sydney: I'll see you.
Vaughn: I know. Sydney turns and leaves. In the elevator, she fingers the ring.
APO
Marshall: (Into phone) That's right, a polymorphic computer virus capable of infecting military-grade encryption. You think you can handle that? Not 10 minutes- I need it now! Just get it done, okay? Thank you.
Weiss: Are we close?
Marshall: That's not really a helpful question right now okay?
Weiss: Don't blame yourself. This satellite network was designed to withstand World War III. I just got off the phone with my buddy in the secret service. They've initiated the "continuity of government" protocol. The president, his cabinet, their family members-all being evacuated to underground command centers. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I've kidded myself, but I thought maybe I'd be on the list.
Marshall: Yeah. It's kind of like high school all over again. The cool kids are having a party, and I'm not invited.
Weiss: All right, there's still time left. Let's not give up on them yet.
Marshall (picks up cell phone, dials): Hey, honey. Hi, uuuh, no, I don't have a lot of time. I just- I just wanted to tell you I love you. I don't get to tell you that often enough. No, I haven't been drinking. I'm just- I'm just gonna be home early tonight, okay? Bye. Elena's bunker.
Man: Russian bombers are taxing to the runway.
Elena: Have you uploaded the signal?
Man: Once Milsat is online, the signal will be broadcast worldwide. Sloane's back. Shows video footage of Sloane helping someone to walk. Man goes running to greet Sloane. Sloane shoots Man dead. Vaughn, Jack, and Irina follow Sloane to Elena.
Irina: (to Elena) Hello, sis. Ever since you were 11, there's something I wanted to do. (PUNCH. Elena falls to the ground.) Now. Sloane picks Elena up and ties her to a chair. Vaughn and Jack go to the computer.
Jack: Can't retract the signal from this terminal. (to Vaughn) Find the relay room and destroy it. Back to Sydney on roof of the Oranskey building. She stares up at the Mueller device and the big red ball. She finds and opens a hatch, which shows a great mass of wires. She turns around and sees Nadia.
Sydney: Nadia! Nadia, it's me. (Nadia's eyes glow red) It's Sydney. I don't want to hurt you. (Starts backing up while Nadia continues to advance.)
Jack (on comms): Sydney, what's happening?
Sydney: It's Nadia, she's guarding the device. She's infected. (starts to tear up)
Sloane: (to Elena) This is all you're doing.
Jack (to Sydney): You have to take her out.
Sydney: No, dad. She's my sister.
Irina: Listen to me, she's not your sister anymore.
Sydney: I know. Please Nadia. Please let me help you. (she cries a little) Nadia attacks Sydney, twisting her around. N kicks then punches S.
Irina: Sydney?
Jack: Sydney, what's happening?
Sydney: (has N's arm pulled back behind her) Nadia, stop! N gets free and kicks S a few times. N starts to strangle S, who in turn, starts to choke, and cough. S punches N in the face. S kicks and punches N a few times. N gets S's gun. They both do a few more twists and turns. Nadia shoots twice at Sydney, who dodges. Vaughn enters the relay room and shoots some wires with his gun.
Vaughn: The relays blown. Check the signal strength.
Irina (she sounds weary): No good, Vaughn. The signal's still broadcasting.
Elena: I've planned this for 5 years. Don't you think I've accounted for every possibility?
Irina: Vaughn, is Sloane with you?
Vaughn: No, he's not with you?
Irina: Get to the roof, right now.
Vaughn: On my way. (runs out of the relay room) Nadia and Sydney continue to fight on the rooftop. Nadia picks up a metal pole and starts hitting Sydney with it, much like the way she did with that big stick in the Descent. Camera shows Vaughn running down a corridor. (This music reminds me of LOTR, don't you think?) Back to N and S. The arm N has the gun in is stretched way out. S puts her hand on it and the bullet chamber falls out. N pulls out her own gun and shoots at S. The bullet appears to have grazed S's cheek. She swings around, kicking N. We see Vaughn running up some stairs. N is knocked out. S is chaining her up. Sydney goes back to big mass of wire's. Music goes back to normal Alias music.
Sydney: Okay, Mom, I've removed the panel.
Irina: Do you see the master circuit board?
Sydney: I see a lot of circuit boards.
Irina: It's the one closest to the power supply. Trace the ground wire. It should lead you to the coil.
Sydney: Got it. (she removes the circuit board to reveal, the coil from Nightingale) Okay, I'm there.
Irina: There should be 2 wires, one black, one yellow.
Sydney: No. She's changed them out. One wire's blue, the other's white.
Irina: Hold on, Sydney. (she walks over to Elena) I'll give you one chance to do the right thing. Not that you were ever any good at that. Which wire?
Elena: It's useless. In a few minutes, when the signal broadcasts, the whole world will be different. However you plan on torturing me, I'll hold out-at least for that long.
Irina (smirks): I'm not gonna torture you. I'm gonna let him do it. (she jerks her head at Jack) And he really doesn't care for you. Especially after you tricked him into killing me. (Jack moves around, getting equipment) One thing you should know about Jack, he hates being anybody's puppet.
Jack: I'm actually hoping, you don't tell us what we need to know. (Gets a syringe, a needle, and a vial of tap water) There's a 50/50 chance Sydney cuts the right wire. I'm willing to take those odds. . .if it means I can stand here and watch you turn into an animal. Elena (shakes her head, worriedly, it looks like): You're not a gambling man, Jack.
Jack: I didn't used to be, but it's been a rather interesting year for me. It's made me re-evaluate certain parts of my life. I'm trying to have more fun these days. (inserts the needle in Elena's neck)
Elena: Wait! How do I know you won't inject me anyway?
Jack: You don't.
Elena: White! Tell her to cut the white wire! (BANG) Irina (Holding a gun, her arm's outstretched): Sydney, cut the blue wire. And then run like hell. You have 15 seconds before the ball bursts.
Sydney: Copy that. Cutting the blue wire. (Chain goes around her throat) N is choking S with the same chain that S chained N up with. S is choking. BANG. Sloane shot N. N falls. S coughs. S stares at Sloane.
Sloane: I had no choice.
Vaughn (finally arrives): Sydney we got to go.
Sydney: Get her into the elevator.
Vaughn: (picks up Nadia) She's still breathing. Sydney leans over the wire mass.
Vaughn (Nadia in arms): Sydney, let's go. Vaughn heads the elevator. Sloane follows. Sydney shuts her eyes, takes a deep breath, cuts the blue wire. And she starts running like hell. In the elevator, Sloane rubs Nadia's head.
Sloane: She's bleeding out.
Vaughn: Put some pressure on it. (Sloane puts his hand over the bullet wound.) Big Rambaldi Ball explodes. But instead of flame, like with normal explosions, we get tons of water. Back in elevator.
Sydney: The device is coming apart. Windows of the Oranskey building shatter. Water follows the elevator. They reach the bottom. Water follows. They run. They meet up with Jack and Irina, who close the big gate that blocks the water, barely.
APO
Weiss (Paces, on comms.): Raptor, do you copy? Come on. Phoenix. Raptor. Phoenix. Do you copy? Come on. Anyone?
Marshall (on computer): Hold on. I'll try an alternate signal.
Weiss: Anything?
Marshall: Nothing.
Weiss: All right, what's the status of the building?
Marshall (mouth agape): It's not there anymore.
Savogda
Vaughn (into phone): 3-9-alpha-2-4. We've transitioned out of the bunker. Requesing immediate evac. Med-support needed. Popping smoke now.
Jack (to Irina): The chopper should be here any minute.
Irina: We both know how this is supposed to play out. You bring me back to the States, turn me over to your superiors.
Jack: On foot, you could reach the border by daybreak.
Irina: What about the Agency? What would you tell them?
Jack: Oh, I think they know- no one can hold on to Irina Derevko for too long. Irina grins and gives Jack a kiss on the lips. She walks over to Sydney.
Irina: Take care of your sister.
Sydney: I will.
Irina: 3 years ago, when I told you, you were the Chosen One, that only you could take down the greatest evil, I know your mind must have been overwhelmed with confusion. But tonight, you recognize that you've done just that. I'm so proud of you. (she kisses Sydney's forehead)
Sydney: Thank you. Irina walks away a bit then stops and turns around.
Irina: Sydney. You may not see me on your wedding day, but I'll see you. Sydney cries as she watches her mother leave. Sloane in a prison cell. Sydney comes to visit.
Sloane: Nadia. Is she-
Sydney: Her vitals are stable. They're keeping her under sedation until we find an antidote for her condition.
Sloane: What about the survivors? Russians must be running tests-
Sydney: There aren't any survivors. The Russian military executed all remaining civilians inside Savogda.
Sloane: Of course. Otherwise it would bely their claim of a chemical explosion. It's because of me. . .Because of my choices. I've hurt the most precious thing in my life.
Sydney: We'll get her back. Whatever it takes, we'll find a cure. Thank you. (Cell door opens.) I've arranged for you to see Nadia.
Sloane: Sydney.
Sydney: I didn't think I would ever say this, but I believe you were trying to do the right thing.
Sloane: Thank you. (He's escorted out.) Santa Barbara, not really, Vaughn and Sydney are in the car driving. Sydney kisses Vaughn's hand. She glances out the window. She fingers the back of Vaughn's head. She takes her hand away to look at her ring. Smiles.
Sydney: I had a thought.
Vaughn: Yeah.
Sydney: What if we just blow off the whole big-wedding thing? What if we just do it on the beach?
Vaughn: The beach. (Glances back and forth between Sydney and the road. Both are all smiles)
Sydney: What do you think?
Vaughn: I like it. Barefoot on the beach, you'd look sexy as hell. Oh, but wait. What about your dad? He doesn't look like the kind of guy who likes to have sand between his toes.
Sydney: That's true. So. . .we won't invite him.
Vaughn: Your father?
Sydney: What if we don't invite anyone? We just elope?
Vaughn: You're serious?
Sydney: I would love it.
Vaughn: All right. Then we'll elope.
Sydney: Have I told you that I love you?
Vaughn: Yeah. Go ahead, tell me again.
Sydney: I love you.
Vaughn: I love you too. (She starts to play with his hair again.)
Sydney: I know. Say it again.
Vaughn: I love you, Syd. That's why I need to tell you something. Just so there's no secrets between us.
Sydney: Okay, whatever it is, I can handle it. Just don't tell me you're a bad guy. (pause) You're not a bad guy, are you?
Vaughn: I guess that depends on who you ask.
Sydney: Vaughn. . .
Vaughn: It's from a long time ago. It's before we met. Actually it's the reason we met. It's no accident that I was the one you came to when you walked in the CIA with your story about SD-6.
Sydney: Wait. I don't understand. Vaughn, what are you telling me?
Vaughn: Well, for starters, my name isn't Michael Vaughn. CRASH. Another car crashes into them. | Plan: A: Sovogda; Q: Where do the team parachut into? A: the tallest building; Q: Where is the Mueller device floating over? A: Elena; Q: Who is the person who will activate the Rambaldi signal? A: Sloane; Q: Who betrays Elena? A: an air strike; Q: What will the Russian Air Force launch? A: the Rambaldi signal; Q: What signal will Elena transmit to the world? A: deadly ramifications; Q: What will the Rambaldi signal do to the water supplies? A: global water supplies; Q: What is already primed for a Rambaldi signal? A: lies; Q: What did Irina's marriage to Jack consist of? A: deadly radiation; Q: What would a strike release into the atmosphere? A: Chernobyl; Q: What nuclear disaster would the Russian Air Force's strike make look like a kitchen fire? A: Jack Bristow's words; Q: What character said that Chernobyl would look like a kitchen fire? A: the team; Q: Who makes it out of the building? A: Irina; Q: Who shoots Elena? A: the white wire; Q: What wire did Elena say to cut on the Mueller device? A: the blue wire; Q: What wire did Irina tell Sydney to cut? A: the infected tap water; Q: What does Elena inject Nadia with? A: Sydney's life; Q: What does Sloane save by shooting Nadia? A: the prophecy; Q: What does Sloane shoot Nadia to fulfill? A: The end; Q: When does the episode show Sydney and Vaughn in a car going off on vacation to Santa Barbara? A: Santa Barbara; Q: Where did Sydney and Vaughn decide to elope? A: any secrets; Q: What does Vaughn tell Sydney he doesn't want to keep from her? A: Michael Vaughn; Q: What is Sydney's handler's real name? A: no accident; Q: What does Vaughn say about his assignment as Sydney's handler? A: an explanation; Q: What does Vaughn fail to give Sydney after telling her that he was not Michael Vaughn? A: the driver's side door; Q: Where is the car that Sydney and Vaughn are in hit by another vehicle? Summary: The team parachutes into Sovogda, where they find that most of the citizens are dead. The Mueller device is floating over the tallest building, where Elena and Sloane are currently carrying out Part One of Rambaldi's endgame. The Russian Air Force will soon launch an air strike, which is when Elena will activate the signal and transmit the Rambaldi signal worldwide with deadly ramifications as global water supplies are already primed. A strike would also release deadly radiation into the atmosphere and make Chernobyl look pale in comparison - in Jack Bristow's words, "like a kitchen fire." Sloane "betrays" Elena and leads the team to her. She is then captured and Irina makes her tell her which wire to cut on the device to deactivate it. Elena says to cut the white wire, but Irina tells Sydney to cut the blue wire. Irina then shoots Elena, killing her. Nadia becomes infected when Elena injects her with the infected tap water, who tries to kill Sydney to prevent her from stopping the device. Sloane shoots Nadia to save Sydney's life in fulfillment of the prophecy. The Mueller device then dissolves into water and destroys the building, but the team makes it out. Jack then lets Irina go free. The end of the episode shows Sydney and Vaughn in a car going off on vacation to Santa Barbara, where they decide they would elope. After being prompted by Irina of not having a marriage full of lies like her marriage with Jack, Vaughn tells Sydney that he doesn't want to keep any secrets from her. As they're driving he tells her his real name isn't Michael Vaughn and that his assignment of being Sydney's handler was no accident; however, before an explanation can be given, their car is hit in the driver's side door by another vehicle. |
SIX MONTHS LATER
At Roberts'
Sandy: Eggs...
Ryan: And flour. There we go.
Sandy: Milk.
Kaitlin: Okay, now, Ryan, fire up the griddle. And Sandy, beat until smooth.
Sandy: Hey, Mama, have a seat. In the mood for crêpes?
Kirsten: You're making crêpes?
Ryan: Yeah! Taylor sent Kaitlin a griddle from France.
Kaitlin: With a super-long note about how I need to broaden my breakfast horizons. She's 6,000 miles away and still annoying.
Kirsten: Ryan, have you talked to her?
Ryan: Oh, no. Haven't read her blog, haven't looked at her scrapbook. It's over and I'm okay. It's been months. I barely even think about her.
Sandy: Even though you're living in her room.
Ryan: You know, we've all had to make adjustments since the earthquake.
Kirsten: Especially Kaitlin, with the entire Cohen family taking refuge here.
Kaitlin: No, it's been nice. I mean, I've perfected my Sandy Cohen. Listen to this. I'll schmear it for ya.
Sandy: Well, you know, not bad. I am very sexy.
Julie: Baby, stop mimicking Sandy.
Sandy: Julie! Crêpe?
Julie: I think I'm too nauseous to eat.
Kirsten: Morning sickness ?
Julie: Or wedding jitters. Who can tell?
Kirsten: Well, your fiancé is certainly excited about the nuptials. Yeah, he's kind of become a broken record over and over again. He keeps saying...
Gordon: Bang! Hey, Sandy.
Sandy: Bullit.
Gordon: Ryan. Peanut. Hey, Blondie. And there she is, the future Mrs. Gordon Bullit.
Kirsten: Well, wedding days can be nerve-wracking, but just think, after tomorrow you will be just another old married couple.
Julie: Just like that one living upstairs. Summer's bedroom
Seth: Hey, breakfast time.
Summer: Toaster strudel! Oh, you're the best cook ever.
Seth: Shh, enough talking, what do you want to watch?
Summer: Oh, I think you know what I want to watch.
Seth: The premise is so simple.
Summer: Yet so compelling.
Sandy: Can I come in?
Seth: Hey, sure.
Sandy: I know you don't like to leave your lair, but the inspector is coming to the house today. I think everybody should be there.
Seth: But this chair is my home now.
Sandy: Downstairs in ten minutes. At Cohen's
Sandy: Boy, his body language is very negative.
Kirsten: You think?
Ryan: Wait, he just smiled.
Seth: I think it was more of a smirk.
Kirsten: Everyone keep your fingers crossed.
Sandy: So what's the good news? When can we rebuild?
Man: I hate to say this, but how about never?
Ryan: Excuse me?
Man: The amount of structural damage is substantial.
Seth: But Dad, we can pay to fix it, right?
Sandy: Yeah, we've got insurance, savings.
Man: Well, the cost of repairing the damage is more than the value of this house. I'm sorry, but there's no saving your home. Generic Visit home for sale
Ryan: Nice view, infinity pool...
Sand: Yeah, but no pool house.
Ryan: Yes, well, six bedrooms. I think there's room enough for everyone.
Sandy: Yeah, but it still just doesn't feel like home. You know, maybe I'm not ready to leave the old place yet.
Ryan: I'm going to miss it. Doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to Berkeley.
Sandy: Oh, Berkeley. Now, there was a house. The minute we walked in the front door, we knew we were home. Wood floors, exposed beams, that house had character.
Kirsten: And this house has none of those things.
Woman: Well, it's got a Viking range, granite countertops...
Kirsten: It's average and generic. Sandy:I couldn't agree with you more. Let's get out of here.
Kirsten: I think we should make an offer.
Woman: You do?
Sandy: You do?
Kirsten: Well, we've seen five versions of the same house. Does it really matter which one we pick?
Woman: I'll draw up the papers.
Sandy: Whatever you want, honey. Summer's bedroom
Seth: It's hard to believe that soon all this will be gone. Take a good look around. Everything is about to change.
Summer: Actually, I have a surprise. Look. The floor plan to ourapartment in Providence.
Seth: Hey, big-screen TV, La-Z-Boys, hot plate. It looks exactly like here. Awesome. Do you think our TiVo will keep its memory if we pack it?
Summer: I don't know. I should callthe help line right now. Oh...
Seth: What?
Summer: Nothing. You know, I think I'm going to call later when there's less phone traffic in India.
Seth: What? Isn't it awesome we get to live like this for the next four years?
Summer: Mm-hmm. Okay, got to run. Hey, Atwood.
Ryan: Hey.
Seth: Ryan. Come in. Sit.
Ryan: Yeah, not going to happen. But I do need your help with a plan.
Seth: Does it involve leaving this room?
Ryan: It involves leaving the city. At the airport
Man: Welcome back from Paris, Ms. Townsend. You here for business or pleasure?
Taylor: That is an excellent question, sir. The answer to which I spent the better part of my trans-Atlantic flight trying to determine. Because it's not business, but it's not pleasure. Because that would imply that seeing Ryan Atwood again is pleasurable, when really, all it is is stressful and... you know, really kind of surreal that we ever dated in the first place. Because it's not like we have anything in common. You know, not that we didn't try though, because we really did. Like I stopped wearing shoes and learned hacky sack in an effort to fit in at Berkeley, and then he learned French and learned to appreciate the difference between a Brie and a Camemburt And then he grew this little mustache in an effort to appear more French-like, but you know, he's fair-haired, and it was really just kind of an above-lip disaster. And from there we just realized it didn't work, you know. We didn't work and I left, to escape the painful reality of yet another failed relationship and at least this time I didn't stalk him though. Because sometimes I do that. Good thing I never fell in lovewith the president, huh?
Man: That would be bad.
Taylor: Right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Taylor: Summer!
Summer: Hey, Taylor. So good to see you.
Taylor: Oh, you, too. Did you come alone?
Summer: Ryan doesn't know that you're coming. You told me not to tell him.
Taylor: Who said anything about Ryan? We're so over. I just, I can't even believe we ever even dated, you know? I don't even think I would recognize him. You know, I just hope he shaved that mustache.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Seth: Did you get a rental car?
Ryan: Yeah. You got the address?
Taylor: Ryan, hi. You found out I was coming and decided to surprise me?
Ryan: No, I didn't know you were coming back and I'm leaving.
Summer: Oh, well, now I'm surprised. Where are you guys going?
Ryan: Oh, not far. We'll be back by tonight.
Seth: Yeah, it's a mission. I'm going to call you.
Taylor: Okay, well, brilliant catching up.
Ryan: It's good to see you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Seth: That wasn't awkward at all.
Ryan: No, no, why would it be? It's not like I'm still in love with her or anything.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Summer: Taylor, are you okay?
Taylor: No, I'm not. I'm still in love with him.
At the shopping center
Kaitlin: I can't believe the Bullit's got 12 sons.
Spencer: One from every major oil refinery in Texas.
Kaitlin: I mean, I've always wanted brothers and now I'm going to have a dozen. I mean, it'll be cool, if they're all like you.
Spencer: Well, that's the thing.
Gordon: Oh, there she is. Bullits, meet the Squirt.
All: Howdy, Squirt!
Gordon: Squirt, meet the Bullits. This is Austin, Dallas, Houston, Lubbock, Odessa, El Paso, Amarillo, Texarkana, San Antonio, Corpus Christi and Hanoi.
Kaitlin: Wow. Okay.
Gordon: Ain't that something? Now you got yourself a whole buffet of Bullits to love.
All: Bang!
Kaitlin: Wow. Well, I guess the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree.
Gordon: Oh, not my apples. The Bullit's DNA is bulletproof. Not a recessive gene in the whole damn double helix. Oh, looky here, the wife-to-be. What's the word, sweetie?
Julie: It's a boy.
Gordon: Lucky number 13, yes! Berkeley
Ryan: This is it.
Seth: The Berkeley House.
Ryan: Yeah, exactly how Sandy described it. You ready for this? Hello. So we'd like to buy your house.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Seth: Please don't shut the door.
Man: We'd really like to buy your house. And you're an adorable couple, but this house isn't for sale.
Ryan: We should tell them everything.
Seth: Okay, right. Uh, this is my house.
Man: Just shut the door.
Seth: No, no, he means it used to be his house. Yeah, those baby handprints in the cement, those, those are mine.
Man: Oh, those little hands are yours? Those are so cute.
Seth: I know, thank you. Anyway, my parents moved us to Newport when I was two, which was a mistake on many levels, but it did allow us to adopt a young ex-convict named Ryan.
Man: Shut the door.
Ryan: I'm not actually a convict.
Seth: Right. Now our house is condemned due to an earthquake. My mom's about to have another baby, and I feel like there's this chance for our family to have a fresh start.
Ryan: Yeah, his parents are always talking about the time they spent here being the best of their lives. It'd be like coming home.
Man: Look, I hear you. But this already is a home, it's ours. And it's not for sale.
Seth: I thought I had them with the hands in the cement thing.
Ryan: Me, too. We should call your dad.
Seth: Sure, nobody can change somebody's mind like my dad, but he's not going to leave my mom, and the airlines won't let women fly in their ninth month of pregnancy.
Ryan: What if she didn't flyon an airline?
At the restaurant
Woman: And you also sign here, and here and this is your offer.
Sandy: Well, we'll live there a year, get settled with the baby, and then we can look for a housewithout feeling rushed.
Kirsten: And I know we can't impose on Julie much longer. I just wish...
Sandy: Oh, me, too. But wherever our family is, that's home.
Gordon: Drop that pen, amigo! I'm kidnapping the both of you. Come on. The jet is gassed up.
Kirsten: Is he drunk?
Gordon: No. Your boys called. They're up in Berkeley trying to buy back the old homestead. Just need you two up there to seal the deal. I figured the least I could do is lend my jet, since old Sanford here introduced me to my lady love.
Kirsten: I can't fly. I'm nine-months pregnant.
Gordon: Oh, my son Amarillo, he's waiting at the plane. He's one of those doctors for women's private parts. Come on, sunshine's burning. Let's go.
Woman: Not to pressure you, but the owners are expecting other offers.
Gordon: Oh, what the hell, blondie, I'll buy this house. There you go. There you go. Summer's bedroom
Taylor: I'm not saying things will just snap back to how they were, but maybe we were too quick to give up. So we'll be 6,000 miles away. I'll be in Newport for Christmas and the summer, and you know, we'll make it work. I should call him, don't you think?
Summer: Oh, real-life Jake broke up with real-life April.
Taylor: What are you doing?
Summer: I told Seth that I wouldn't watch Briefcase or No Briefcase till he got home, so I'm reading about The Valley.
Taylor: Oh, my God, that show's still on?
Summer: It just got picked up for five more seasons. You know, these teen dramas, they just run forever.
Taylor: Okay, enough, this is insane.
Summer: Hey!
Taylor: Summer, when I left, you were a committed environmentalist. You were passionate. You engaged with the world. You... bathed.
Summer: I still care about things.
Taylor: Like what? Besides Briefcase or No Briefcase and the starsof The Valley? Sweetie, tell me what happened.
Summer: I don't know. Well, the earthquake happened, then the comic bookstore closed down, and Seth's room was destroyed. I didn't join GEORGE, and then he moved in. We talked about everything there was to talk about. Then one day we turned on the TV. And there it was. Briefcase or No Briefcase. And suddenly, we weren't worried about the future. We weren't wondering who we were. For the first time, I think we were really comfortable.
Taylor: Maybe a little too comfortable. You ever think about that?
Summer: No.
Taylor: Oh, my God, what is that?
Summer: I don't know. Pancakes had babies! When did this happen?!
Taylor: You didn't know she was pregnant?
Summer: I didn't he was a she. Oh, my God, I'm a bad crack mother. Berkeley
Ryan: Shouldn't we be waiting at the house?
Seth: Uh, we've got a little bit of time until the Bullit is wheels down with our parents. Take a look around, man. In a few weeks, you're going to have all these new faces to punch.
Ryan: Aw, you getting nostalgic on me?
Seth: No. Seriously, everyone's moving. Newport's over. This is the future. And it's also possible you may meet another Taylor Townsend. What was that? There is no other Taylor Townsend? There's only one and you're in love with her? All right. Listen, you haven't said a word since we bumped into her. I know it means you can't stop thinking about her. I'm going to get some coffee.
Seth: You love her, I know it.
Ryan: Stop it.
Seth: I know it!
Tom: Join GEORGE. Fight the industrial devastation of our planet.
Seth: Hey, are you Paul from GEORGE.?
Tom: No, Tom from GEORGE. You know Paul?
Seth: Uh, no, my girlfriend Summer Roberts met him.
Tom: Sure, yeah. Paul was really disappointed when she turned us down. What's she up to now?
Seth: Uh, not much of anything, really.
Tom: Well, um, give her this, would you? I hate to see someone like Summer just waste their passion.
Seth: Yeah. She... she loves otters. Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: Hello.
Taylor: Ryan, hi, it's me.
Ryan: Oh, hey.
Summer: Ouch, this soap stings!
Taylor: Well, that's because it's lye. Sorry. So I was, um, thinking maybe we should get together and talk about things.
Ryan: Oh, uh...
Summer: But you don't want to?
Ryan: No, no, it's just I don't know when Seth and I are going to get back from Berkeley.
Taylor: Oh. Why are you in Berkeley?
Ryan: Long story, but basically trying to get the Cohens their old house back.
Taylor: The Cohens are moving to Berkeley?
Ryan: If things work out.
Taylor: So, that would mean you wouldn't be coming back to Newport for Christmas or summer or... ever.
Ryan: I guess not. Um, listen, we could talk after the wedding if you want.
Taylor: Yeah, oh, yeah, I have to go. Um, you have a nice trip.
At the church
Julie: We finish this and then we're done. Unless there's anything else you need for tomorrow.
Kaitlin: I'm all good. I've got my shoes, my dress, my cheat sheet with the names of all my stepbrothers.
Julie: How was that, meeting all of them?
Kaitlin: Weird, but I mean, I love Bullit, but one's kind of enough, you know?
Julie: You're telling me.
Kaitlin: What are you talking about? You're about to spawn off the latest.
Julie: Well, maybe he won't be all that Bullit-esque.
Kaitlin: Don't count on it. He's probably going to come out with a cowboy hat telling the doctor, "Bang." Or a wife-beater.
Julie: Why would he be wearing a wife-beater?
Kaitlin: Oh, my God. Mom...
Julie: Okay, honey, just relax.
Kaitlin: You have to be kidding me. I mean, does the Bullit know?
Julie: Of course he knows.
Kaitlin: What, you told him that the baby is...
Julie: Frank's, yes.
Kaitlin: And when were you going to tell me?
Julie: Soon. I'm sorry. This isn't easy.
Kaitlin: Well, what happened with you and Frank?
Julie: I got pregnant, and Frank couldn't deal with it, so I left him. That's when the Bullit came back, I told him everything, and he still wanted to marry me. That's the whole story.
Kaitlin: Mom, do you love the Bullit?
Julie: Yes. Berkeley
Sandy: I can't believe we're here. Seriously, fellas, this is crazy.
Seth: You always said this was where you guys were the happiest.
Ryan: Every city needs public defenders.
Seth: Plus, I think my little sister deserves a shot at growing up normal.
Kirsten: Well, we can at least talk to them.
Sandy: Can't hurt.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sandy: Hello. I'm Sandy Cohen. This is my wife, Kirsten. and we used to live here.
Todd: I'm Todd.
Patrick: Patrick.
Todd: And, um, yeah, your son's already told us everything. about the earthquake, the hands in the cement,the baby, but like we said...
Sandy: You don't want to sell, I get it, but just beinghere again, I got to say it still feels like home.
Kirsten: Um, is the bathroom still in the same place? Do you mind?
Patrick: Why would I mind?
Kirsten: Thank you.
Sandy: I love what you've done with the decorating. Is there any chance we could see the kitchen? Just to see if the Seth Cohen growth chart is still notched in the wall?
Patrick: It isn't. We thought it was termites.
Seth: Oh, I hit three feet. I mean, it was a pretty huge accomplishment.
Todd: Sir, while we appreciate your nostalgia, we have things to do.
Sandy: No, it's all right. We'll be out of here in just a sec.
Kirsten: Oh, God! Sandy!
Sandy: Or not.
Kirsten: Sandy!
Sandy: I'm here.
Kirsten: Oh, my God.
Todd: Okay, this isn't the bathroom.
Kirsten: I'm sorry, I didn't make it.
Kirsten: My water broke.
Sandy: Seth, call an ambulance!
Kirsten: There's no time for an ambulance.
Patrick: Okay, this is so random, but I'm actually a midwife.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sandy: Sophie Rose Cohen. Aw... It's got a nice ring to it, huh?
Kirsten: She's beautiful, isn't she?
Seth: She really will be in two years when she doesn't look like a squished meatball.
Ryan: You just called your sister a squished meatball.
Sandy: You should have seen what you looked like when you were born.
Kirsten: Oh, he was beautiful, too.
Sandy: Yeah, I was.
Sandy: Yeah, you looked like you went 12 rounds with Joe Frasier.
Patrick: All right, move out of the way. It's time for a feeding.
Seth: Oh, she's going to...
Ryan: Yeah, we should go.
Gordon: No, thank you, Kirsten, I'm lactose intolerant.
Sandy: Bullit, what are you doing here? Aren't you getting married in a few hours?
Gordon: Don't I know it. Couldn't get any damn airspace. All those dot commers up here with their private jets. The runway was busier than a bull in springtime. It's fine now.
Sandy: Hey, thanks for everything.
Kirsten: Give Julie our best and please explain why we couldn't make it.
Gordon: Oh, I will, and she'll be thrilled. And when she pops out lucky number 13, bang, I want you there.
Sandy: Sophie Rose Cohen.
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the street
Kaitlin: Kaitlin, what are you doing here?
Kaitlin: Just wondering if you've got an invite to the wedding, 'cause you didn't RSVP, which is really rude, considering my mom's pregnant with your baby.
Frank: So she told you, huh?
Kaitlin: How could you do that... just walk away from her? I mean, she loved you.
Frank: When she told me she was pregnant, I did kind of panic, and I know I let her down. But when I went to see her and tell her that, she was having dinner with Bullit. For what it's worth, I really do love her, but she's made her choice. I know better than to try and change your mom's mind.
Kaitlin: So you're just quitting?
Frank: Whoa, wait a minute. Isn't this what you wanted? Bullit and a new family?
Kaitlin: All I want is for my mom to be happy. and for my little brother to have his dad around, but not if he's going to be a coward. You know, I thought Atwood were good at fighting. Berkeley
Seth: Is Mom sleeping?
Sandy: Mother and daughter are snoring soundly.
Seth: How you feeling?
Sandy: Like I landed in a time warp; your mother, me, a new baby and this house. It's almost20 years later and I feel like no time has passed at all.
Seth: Well, you look like it, too. You got that full head of hair. If I look half as good as you in 20 years, I'll be a happy man.
Sandy: Well, thanks, but I'd like to see you being happy right now. Seems the last couple of months you've landed in a bit of a rut. At least a La-Z-Boy.
Seth: Well, I sort of have, but being up here and seeing Ryan's new life and meeting my new sister... I get that change is happening whether I want it to or not.
Sandy: Yeah, nothing lasts forever. But you and Summer still have each other. You'll be heading off to Providence together.
Seth: Yeah. Except I'm not so sure that us being together is bringing out best in either one of us right now. But I'm afraid to let her go, so...
Sandy: Well, things have a way of coming back around. Look at us. Wedding
Summer: Maybe I should go try to find Julie and see if she needs any help.
Taylor: Sure, Summer, just abandon me, too. Maybe I'll just strike up a casual romance with one of the Bullits. Okay, who do you think's hotter, El Paso or San Antonio?
Summer: Yeah, I'm going to have to think about that.
Taylor: Hanoi has a certain charm.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Julie: Thanks for filling in for Kirsten. I hope she shows up soon.
Summer: You look so beautiful.
Julie: Thank you. And you, it's nice to see you looking so... showered again.
Summer: Hmm, well, I figured it was about time.
Julie: Yeah. Is everything okay?
Summer: I guess. I don't know, you're with the same someone for so long... I guess you start to get a little comfortable.
Julie: I wouldn't know.
Summer: Do you think that Seth and I are making a mistake? Living together right after the earthquake, and then getting an apartment together next year in Providence?
Julie: Uh, well, you know... I got married so young that I never had a chance to find out who I was or what I cared about. I mean, I never went to college or learned any real skills. And now here I am 20 years later, still knocked up on my wedding day.
Summer: Julie.
Julie: Summer... you're a great girl.And the world deserves to know you.
Summer: You deserve it, too.
Julie: Don't settle for comfortable.
Summer: I got you something. I know she would have wanted to be here today.
Julie: Thank you. Thank you.
Summer: Crap, my makeup.
Julie: Hmm, my makeup. It'll take hours to fix.
Gordon: Hours? We don't got hours. We're getting married now.
Julie: Now? Is Kirsten here?
Gordon: Uh, about that... she dropped child up in San Fran. But lucky for her, there was a hell of a midwife standing by.
Julie: Kirsten had her baby?
Gordon: Yeah, and she said she was sorry that she couldn't be here. Now are you ready to get hitched?
Julie: I can't get married without Kiki. She's my best friend. I'm sorry, but I'm not doing it without her.
Berkeley
Todd: Oh, my God.
Patrick: Oh, my God.
Gordon: One of you two wouldn't be a wedding planner would you?
Todd: Actually...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Julie: Let me see my flower girl.
Kirsten: Julie?
Sandy: Are you a runaway bride?
Todd: Kind of a runaway wedding.
Ryan: Wait a minute, does that mean that everybody came with you?
Seth: Can I talk to you?
Ryan: Do you have a minute?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Taylor: Okay, Ryan, what do you want to talk about?
Ryan: Well, I realized that when I talked to you yesterday on the phone, I may have been a little insensitive.
Taylor: You? Never.
Ryan: I also realize that if the Cohen's do move to Berkeley, we... we may never see each other again.
Taylor: Hadn't really thought about it.
Ryan: And when we do say good-bye, I wanted it to be as friends.
Taylor: Friends. Sure. Ryan Atwood, mon ami, sounds terif.
Todd: What is it with you people?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Seth: We're grandparents? Wow, that's, uh, that's amazing. Congratulations to Pancakes.
Summer: Yeah. Don't you think it's kind of weird that we didn't even knowPancakes was pregnant?
Seth: Well, we're not going to win any parenting awards.
Summer: I mean, we must have been pretty out of it to not even notice or care. I think we've been in kind of a...
Seth: Rut lately? Mm.
Summer: Do you really think that we can spend the next four years like this?
Seth: Well, look, I'm a pretty skeptical guy. I don't really believe in signs, but... this one's pretty easy to read. It's very easy to read. Big letters.
Summer: GEORGE?
Seth: You got to go, Summer.
Summer: But what about us?
Seth: This is for us, okay? It's for both of us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pastor: I, Julie Cooper, take you, Gordon Bullit...
Julie: I, Julie Cooper, take you, Gordon Bullit...
Pastor: Now, by the power vested in me, by the state...
Gordon: Oh, come on, Squirt!
Kaitlin: Frank?
Julie: Frank? Frank?
Frank: Kaitlin, hey, is your mom around?
Kaitlin: Yeah, she's kind of getting married right now.
Frank: That's what I was afraid of. Put me on speaker phone.
Kaitlin: It took you long enough.
Frank: Julie! Julie, can you hear me?
Julie: Frank, what are you doing?
Frank: I love you, Julie, and I want tobe there for you, and our son.
Summer: She's pregnant with Frank's baby?
Taylor: Who cares? This is so romantic.
Frank: Hello?
Gordon: Sorry, Frank, old buddy, we're having a hard time hearing you. Let's get on with the wedding.
Julie: I'm sorry, can... can I have a moment?
Gordon: Oh, that woman is like nailing Jell-O to the wall.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kaitlin: Mom ?
Julie: Not now, Kaitlin. Mom's trying to figure out who to marry.
Kaitlin: I know. Which is why whatever you decide, just make sure it's what you want... because this is forever.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Patrick: So, um, Todd and I were talking and, um... I mean, look, you had a baby here, you had a wedding...
Todd: Christened one of our bedrooms...
Patrick: Clearly you have a connection. This is your house, we're just living in it.
Todd: We'll have our lawyers call you, but...
Patrick: We can't fight fate. We'll sell.
Sandy: You mean it? Thank you. You in?
Kirsten: Yeah.
Sandy: The Cohens are moving to Berkeley. Sophie, you're home!
At Cohen's
Sandy: We got to go, we got a lot of work to do. At Roberts'
Kaitlin: Our kitchen is going to be so empty.
Julie: I know. I was kind of getting used to becoming a Cohen. My Sandy imitation was killer.
Julie: Well, it's just the two of us now.
Kaitlin: Yeah. It's pretty awesome that you decided to stay single. But do we have a plan?
Julie: Yeah, I was thinking we could go get mani-pedis, maybe a couple of Mystics.
Kaitlin: I was talking about, like, a real plan. A life plan.
Julie: I know. The truth is, I don't. For the first time, I am going to figure out how to do this on my own.
Kaitlin: You're not on your own. I could work retail, part-time at least.
Julie: We'll figure it out.
Kaitlin: We're Coopers.
Julie: Oh, hey, Summer forgot her books. "Undergraduate Catalog." Parking
Ryan: All right, Roberts. I'll see you.
Summer: See you, Atwood.
Ryan: Thank you very much for Flapjacks. I promise I'll raise him right.
Summer: Well, don't forget to clean his cage, which should not be used for cage fights.
Ryan: Got it.
Taylor: Oh, my gosh, I'm going to miss you so much.
Summer: Well, you can follow up with my political efforts on my blog.
Taylor: And you can follow my personal efforts on mine. You're the best. You're the only girlfriend I ever had. I'll miss you.
Summer: You, too.
Ryan: All right. We'll be in the car. Bye.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Seth: I don't know, some of these GEORGE guys, they look so idealistic.
Summer: You got nothing to worry about. Just remember, this isn't good-bye. You're my destiny, Cohen.
Seth: Go save the world, Summer Roberts.
Summer: See you in '08 after the New Hampshire primary.
Seth: Just go.
Summer: I'm going to go.
In the train
Taylor: So you're going off to Berkeley, I'm going off to Paris. Who knows what's going to happen, huh?
Ryan: Yeah. Well, I think what's really important is what's already happened, which was this year, thank you, Taylor... you saved me.
Taylor: Well, you may have helped me iron out a few issues of my own.
Ryan: All right. Come here.
Man: All aboard!
Ryan: Remind me why you're taking the train to Paris.
Taylor: Oh, actually, I'm taking a train to New York, and from there I'm taking a boat to Paris. It's the strangest thing, but no airline would have me. Oh, you'd better get going.
Ryan: Oh, yeah, but...
Taylor: Ryan... better do that. Ryan. They're not going to let you off the train. Uh-oh.
Ryan: Where's the next station?
Taylor: San Bernardino, I think. It's an hour away.
Ryan: Ooh, we can do a lot in an hour.
Taylor: I did book a sleeper car. At Cohen's
Sandy: That's the last of it. Here we go.
Kirsten: Fly safe and we'll see you at Parent's Day weekend.
Seth: All right.
Sandy: Two months and 14 days away.
Seth: I will be counting the days as well.
Kirsten: Oh, I love you.
Seth: I love you, too. Let's group-hug it.
Sandy: Well, I guess we'd better get going if we're going to beat the traffic. You take care of yourself. You got the directions in case we get separated?
Ryan: Yeah, you know what? I think I'm just going to hang out. As much as this house meant to you...
Sandy: Take your time. I'll meet you at the rest stop in Santa Barbara.
Ryan: All right.
Kirsten: Time to go!
Sandy: Yep.
Ryan: I could give you a ride.
Seth: No, no, this is better. My new life of loneliness and isolation begins now.
Ryan: Ah, you're going to be fine.
Seth: Yeah, I don't know about you though. I've been doing some checking up on your new roommate. His favorite book and movie are DaVinci Code. He's no me.
Ryan: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Seth: At least I leave you funnier than when I found you.
Ryan: Yeah, I'm a lot better off than when you found me.
Seth: Me, too.
Ryan: Should we hug? I know. It's crazy.
Seth: Come on. Give me a shake, dude.
Ryan: All right.
Seth: All right. Aw. feels good in here. Oh, it felt really nice. All right. See you later.
Ryan: Yeah. All right.
FLASH-BACK
Seth: I don't know what to say, except that you totally had my back out there.
Kirsten: Ryan's going to stay with us now.
Ryan: I'll unpack later.
FLASH-BACK'S END
Manifestation
Summer: Good job, you guys. Louder! Come on! Berkeley
Sandy: All right, what was... I think you can pretty much imagine what I'm going to talk about. That's right. I hope you know what I'm talking about. All right! Any volunteers? Williams University
Teacher: Yes?
Kaitlin: X=24. Then, it's Seth & Summer' wedding. Ryan's workplace
Ryan: Yeah, I'm just leaving the site now. Everything looks good. We're on schedule to meet our target date. Thank you. Hey, kid. Need any help? The end. | Plan: A: the earthquake; Q: What destroyed the Cohens' home? A: temporary residence; Q: What have the Cohens taken up at the Roberts' home? A: Sandy and Kirsten search; Q: What do Sandy and Kirsten do to find a new home? A: Summer; Q: Who gets married to Seth? A: GEORGE; Q: Who does Summer choose to tour with? A: Seth; Q: Who does Summer decide to marry? A: their future; Q: What do Taylor and Ryan decide together? A: Newport; Q: Where did Ryan first meet Marissa? A: Marissa; Q: Who does Ryan remember meeting for the first time? A: Berkeley; Q: Where is Ryan going to college? A: her achievement; Q: What do Julie's family members applaud when she graduates from college? A: law classes; Q: What is Sandy teaching now? A: their best man; Q: What role does Ryan play in Seth and Summer's wedding? A: honor; Q: What is the role of the maid of what in a wedding? A: Sophie Rose Cohen; Q: Who is the flower girl in Seth and Summer's wedding? A: an architect; Q: What is Ryan's profession? A: a young boy; Q: Who does Ryan reach out to? Summary: Ever since the earthquake destroyed their home, the Cohens have taken temporary residence at the Roberts' home. Sandy and Kirsten search for a new home. Summer must choose between touring with GEORGE and her future with Seth. Taylor and Ryan determine their future together. Julie must decide whether to marry Frank or Bullit. Before Ryan leaves Newport, as he turns out of the driveway, he remembers the first time he met Marissa. Years later, Ryan is attending Berkeley. Julie graduates from college with Kaitlin, Frank, Bullit and her son applauding her achievement. Sandy is now teaching law classes. Seth and Summer get married, with Ryan and Taylor as their best man and maid of honor and Sophie Rose Cohen as their flower girl. Ryan, as an architect, reaches out to a young boy, much in the way Sandy reached out to him years ago. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Markham: Ava Crowder stole my money.
Stole it from the man who stole it from me.
That man being your new business partner, Boyd.
Stiles: Let's go. All right, now you're gonna have to make this look good. How about you hit me? [grunts]
Carl: That look good enough to you, you son of a bitch?
[gunshot]
Zachariah: [grunts]
Boyd: Where is she?
Zachariah: She ain't here!
Boyd: Ava? You need to get me to that money before I get to her.
Zachariah: I'd sooner die than give you anything you want.
[siren wailing]
Ava: There's a million dollars in there! You let me go, you can have it.
Crosley: I do not know what Mr. Markham has got planned for you, but I don't want him to do it to me.
Tim: Looks like we can't keep the whole "Raylan Givens gone rogue" thing in-house.
Vasquez: I'm gonna need a bolo issued for Raylan Givens.
Tim: I just heard him tell the FBI ballsack to issue a bolo.
Art: Well, sh1t.
Lappicola: Raylan Givens?
6x13 - "Promise"
[police radio chatter]
Raylan: You're making a mistake.
Lappicola: You know how many guys have said that to me when I put the cuffs on 'em?
Raylan: About the same amount that have said it to me.
Lappicola: [sighs]
Guess you think reminding me you're a fellow lawman's gonna draw you some water. Fact is, you having that badge to hide behind just makes it worse. Watch your head.
[clattering]
[music]
Markham: [scoffs]
Where's the rest of it? Have a seat. Ava, you remember the first day I laid eyes on you? Told you that for a woman to survive in this line, she had to be tougher than the men? Hell, any woman who kills her husband and puts a bullet in her new fiancé... [laughs] my compliments on your grit. I'd say you had a bright future... assuming you have a future. Your man Boyd stole my money, and you stole it from him. Were you just gonna give it back to me?
Ava: It's up the mountain. Little cabin there ... belongs to a fella called Grubes. It's buried on his property. That mountain's crawling with federals.
Markham: How'd you get the money up there?
Ava: I dragged it on a sled.
Markham: All by your lonesome?
[music]
I'm gonna ask you just one time. Ava. Who helped you?
Ava: My uncle. But he didn't have any part in the taking. He just didn't want to see me dead.
Markham: Is your uncle still up there?
Ava: [sighs]
[title music]
♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
Tim: All right, for those of you just joining us, we have one male and one female suspect. You should have mug shots on your phones. [i]It's multiple agencies, so all communications will be on the common frequency.
Rachel: We've got air support covering the mountain from the back, but anyone gets a visual, call it in and the choppers will maneuver to that area.
Tim: All right? All right, gentlemen. That's it. Let's move it.
[helicopter blades whirring]
Costanzo: Marshal.
Something here you're gonna want to see. Dog team on Ava tracked her scent to Tates Creek bridge, half a mile away, then it ran out. Well, maybe she got a ride.
Rachel: Or maybe she went into the creek.
Tim: What's that?
Costanzo: Well, I don't know. But apparently the dogs went apeshit when they hit on it.
Either of you know if it's hers?
Radio dispatcher: All units, be advised ...
K-9 team found an animal-tooth necklace at the Tates Creek bridge that may belong to female fugitive.
Raylan: Ask if the necklace is gator ... alligator.
Lappicola: Sit back from the partition.
Raylan: Please.
Lappicola: Dispatch, unit 17. That necklace ... any chance the teeth on it came from an alligator? Over.
Radio dispatcher: Unit 17, all we'll say at this time is that the teeth are about an inch long and sharper than sh1t. Over.
Lappicola: Understood, dispatch. 17 out.
Raylan: Okay. Listen to me.
Lappicola: You listen to me.
This is the second time I'm telling you to sit back. ain't gonna be a third, so you keep your ass planted, your mouth shut or you're gonna ride the rest of the way in the trunk. We clear?
Raylan: Yeah.
[car door closes]
Art: I'll take it from here.
Lappicola: Excuse me?
Art: Your prisoner.
Lappicola: This fella's on an FBI bolo.
Art: I know.
I'd like to be the one to take him in.
Lappicola: Uh, not that your likes aren't at the top of my priorities, but until those creds say "FBI," I believe I'll hold on to him.
Art: Well, you're right. They don't say "FBI." But they do say "chief deputy," Officer Lappicola, so you can either change your attitude right quick or I'll tear you a new asshole that you can carry a watermelon in.
Lappicola: Look, chief, if it was up to me, you could take him right now.
Art: Well, who's it up to, then? Lieutenant Mathis is the duty officer.
Art: Well, lead the way. Let's go see him.
Boyd: [panting, grunting]
[shovel clacks]
[breathlessly] Come on. Come on.
[screams]
Aah.
[laughs]
[distant telephone ringing]
[breathing heavily]
[grunts]
[ringing continues]
Ava: Uncle Zachariah?
Uncle Zachariah?
Boyd: He can't get to the phone right now.
Ava: Thank god you're... okay. I was worried Boyd might've gotten to you, put a bullet in you.
Boyd: He did.
But believe me, it was meant for you.
Ava: Uncle Zachariah, I got some bad news. Mr. Markham has hold of me at the old Bennett drying shed. He doesn't get his money back, he's gonna kill me.
Boyd: Tell me why I should give a sh1t.
Ava: I told him you and me are the only two living souls know where that money's hid. Without one of us alive, nobody'll ever find it.
Boyd: That's the only reason I ain't hung up yet.
Ava: So, you on your way?
Boyd: You tell him to send an unarmed man, meet me at Compass rock...
Ava: Compass rock.
Boyd: ...two miles East the trailhead.
[sighs]
Markham: Compass rock?
Birch: We know where that is.
Markham: Good. You can draw Boon a map.
Boon: No need. I'll take my girl along.
Crosley: You don't trust us?
Markham: I don't trust anybody. Not anymore.
Except Boon here. Make sure that old man's got my money ... all of it.
Boon: Yes, sir.
Markham: Then kill him.
Art: I told you I'd get you.
Raylan: KSP found Dewey's necklace. But no Ava.
Which means Markham's probably gonna get to her, sweat her into giving up his money, then sweat her some more for taking it in the first place. And now Boyd's at large, too. Yet you're still gonna take us both off the board while driving me back to Lexington for some bullshit that you know ain't true!
[tires screech]
[music]
There, you dumb son of a bitch.
[sighs]
All right. Where do we start looking for her?
[indistinct shouting]
[helicopter approaches]
Tim: Clear!
Rachel: Clear.
Boyd: [breathing heavily]
Rachel: We've got one body in a shallow grave.
Tim: Another went boom outside the door.
Rachel: And neither one of them's Crowder.
Costanzo: We got a runner!
[gunshots]
Tim: Boyd Crowder!
Boyd: [groaning]
[dogs barking in distance]
[barking continues]
Boyd: [panting]
[helicopter blades whirring]
[fuse sizzles]
Tim: Go, go, go, go!
[fuse sizzles]
Man: Get down!
[explosion]
♪ voodoo woman put a spell on me ♪ ♪ rattle my chains, but I'll never be free ♪
Raylan: That gash on your forehead must make you deputy Stiles.
Stiles: Uh, is that supposed to be a question?
[chuckles]
Leon: Sorry, fellas.
You want to drink in here, you need a badge or a pair of tits.
Raylan: [clicks tongue] Art... show 'em your tits.
Art: Let's start with the badges.
Leon: Sure, you can stay, long as you check your guns.
Art: Say what?
Leon: Few years back, we had a couple of guys get loaded, open up on their fellow officers.
Art: Mnh.
Leon: Since then, I've been having everybody check their sidearms at the door.
Raylan: You got a bunch of Eastern-Kentucky lawmen to give up their guns?
Leon: Nice thing about running a bar in a mostly dry county ... long as you don't water down the booze too much, your customers will put up with anything. Plus, I'm known for what you'd call my "powers of persuasion."
Raylan: Is that a Henry Aaron? I wouldn't know. Never cared much for baseball.
Art: Me neither. You know, the only sport I ever cared about was target shootin'. Now, I know there's not that much benefit exercise-wise, but it will keep you from getting concussed.
Raylan: You know who could tell us a little bit about that feeling? Deputy Stiles.
Styles: Aah! Jesus Christ.
Raylan: Smarts, huh?
Stiles: God damn it.
Raylan: Yeah, the doctor said you might be sensitive to light and sound. Where's Markham? I don't know what you're talking about. God damn it! [groans]
Art: Look, we don't have a lot of time here, all right? We know you let Carl into Boyd's room, so you know where Markham's got Ava Crowder.
Raylan: You are going to tell us where he is, and you ain't gonna tip him off. If you do, we will come back here, and we'll bring a jackhammer.
[Cellphone vibrates]
If he's at the Bennett shed, it means that Loretta is either partnered up with him, or ...
Art: Let's cross that bridge when we come to it. Mullen. What?
[sighs]
Anybody hurt? All right. Just sit tight. I'll be right there. Crowder started throwing dynamite. [chuckles] Jesus Christ.
Art: Rachel's set up a perimeter and pulled everybody back, but nobody has eyes on Boyd. I'm gonna have to get up there before it turns into ruby ridge. You take the truck. I'll have Nelson come and get me. Hey, and, Raylan, no matter what you find at the drying shed, whatever they've done to Ava or Loretta, you...
[sighs]
Raylan: I understand.
Markham: What do you mean, he's not at Compass rock?
Boon: No, sir, Mr. Markham.
Markham: Son of a bitch!
Crosley: This is bullshit. He should have been here by now.
Markham: I don't pay you to talk, son.
You know, it's occurred to me, you sittin' here waitin', that you're one of the few people that knew Katherine played me. Maybe you think you can do the same and I won't realize till it's too late.
Ava: Zachariah is an old man. He's got to haul all that cash and avoid the cops. That's gonna take some time. I know you've had a lot of violent men in your life, so this ain't the first time you've had a gun pointed at you. You ever had one stuck up under your chin...
Ava: [grunts]
Markham: ...felt that steel against your neck? Gonna make a big mess of your beautiful head, Ava. I want you to tell me what exactly was said on the other side of that phone call. And I want you to tell me where you and your uncle buried my goddamn money! What?!
[chair scrapes]
Boyd: Ah.
Keep those gun hands where I can see 'em, lest I be forced to send this corrupt little piggy to the morgue.
Markham: I suppose this means uncle is dead and you don't have my cash.
Boyd: For a bona fide stoner, you awful quick. Ava?
Markham: Don't you move. Last time you took a hostage to force my hand, you chose wisely. This time, not so much.
Boyd: Oh, you think I'm bluffin'?
Markham: You think I am, hillbilly?
[grunting]
[groans]
Crosley: [groans]
[gun clatters]
Boyd: I wouldn't do that. Look at me.
Look... at me.
Boyd: Goddamn, Raylan! Your timing sucks!
Raylan: So I've been told.
Boyd: I'd ask you the number for a couples' therapist, Raylan, but I don't think you're any better at this than I am.
Raylan: I don't suppose that's your blood on you, there.
Boyd: That please you? Somebody show up, do your dirty work for you?
Raylan: Well, Boyd, I don't care how it gets done as long as it gets done.
Boyd: Well, I guess in that case, you ought to pick up where we left off in the woods, Raylan.
Raylan: There is another way.
Boyd: What's that? I pull, you put me down?
Raylan: Either way, I am gonna put you down.
Boyd: Well, Raylan, here's the problem. See... I don't have any more bullets in my gun.
Raylan: Try that one. Ava, now would be a good time to get out of the way.
Boyd: Raylan, you mind if I ask Ava a question before we do this?
Raylan: Knock yourself out.
Boyd: Why? We had the money. We were home free.
Ava: Honestly, Boyd... ? I put myself in your shoes. I did what I thought you would do.
Boyd: I ain't doin' it, Raylan. Yeah, you are.
Boyd: No, I ain't. You are gonna raise that gun, and we are gonna end this.
Ava: Raylan!
Raylan: You stay out of this.
Boyd: I ain't gonna pull on you, Raylan. So you go and do whatever it is you're meant to do.
'Course, someday, I am gonna get out.
And when I do, I'm gonna kill her, Raylan. And then I'm gonna come and I'm gonna kill you.
So what's it gonna be, Raylan?
[helicopter blades whirring]
[police radio chatter]
[car door closes]
Tim: The boys out at Compass rock haven't found Boon and the girl, but they'll keep looking.
Someone's gonna have to drive him.
Raylan: Probably shouldn't be me.
Tim: You want to rock-paper-scissors?
Rachel: I'll take him. You follow.
Tim: Done.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Art: Looky here.
Raylan: You shouldn't have.
Art: Found it in the barn. asked Ava if that was all of it,
but she didn't seem to be in a talking mood.
Raylan: Well, it's a long way to Lexington. I'll see what I can do.
Art: And if Ava knows where the rest of it is and tries to use it as leverage?
Raylan: What, you don't trust me?
Ava: You know I'll never make it inside.
I can tell you where the rest of the money is ... almost $9 million, Raylan.
Raylan: You trying to bribe a federal officer now?
Ava: I'm just wonderin' if there's still a deal to be made.
Raylan: No. No deals. No outs. I'm sorry, Ava.
Ava: Why didn't you just kill him? You heard him. You know there ain't a cell can keep him. What's it prove, letting him live?
Raylan: Maybe nothing.
[Darrell Scott's "You'll never leave Harlan alive" plays]
♪ In the deep, dark hills of Eastern Kentucky ♪ ♪ that's the place where I trace my bloodline ♪ ♪ and it's there I read on a hillside gravestone ♪ ♪ "you will never leave Harlan alive" ♪
[tires screeching]
Raylan: Stay down.
[car door closes]
[music]
Boon: I'm sorry about all that, marshal.
But I pulled up to the barn just in time to watch you two pull away. Seemed like maybes youse was gonna leave without saying goodbye.
Raylan: No. We had every intention of finding you.
Boon: [sighs] Guess I saved you the trouble, then.
[gun clatters]
[tires squeal]
Raylan: God damn it!
Raylan: [sighs]
Art: When's your flight?
Oh, a couple hours.
Art: Well, I wish I could drive you. You're not gonna get all sentimental on me, are you?
Raylan: [chuckles] I was just thinking. Ava's still out there. Maybe I should stay a couple days, help run her to ground.
Art: She's not gonna get far, running without money.
Raylan: $9 million in those hills still unaccounted for.
Art: You really think she's gonna be able to find that? Place is crawling with L.E.O.s.
Raylan: It's just... something feels somehow incomplete. [sighs]
Art: I asked you, "come to Kentucky and help us get Boyd Crowder." Now, it took a little longer than I originally anticipated, but you did it. You got Boyd Crowder. And you got him right. You tell Winona I said hey. I still don't know what she sees in you.
Raylan: It'd be weird if you did.
Art: Hold up!
[sighs]
Raylan: [sighs]
[bottle thuds]
Nelson: Got the Seattle chief on the line.
Art: Well, where's Rachel?
Nelson: She'll be here in two.
[glass clink]
Mm. [glass thuds]
Nelson: Gonna miss you, Raylan.
Raylan: No, you won't.
Tim: You can mail it back from Miami.
Raylan: Well, I hope you get someone at this desk that's less of a pain in the ass.
Tim: Not likely there's someone who's more of a pain in the ass. I just hope it's someone who can keep up.
[drawer closes]
Tim: You read that a bunch, or you buy it used?
Raylan: If I say I've read it 10 times, I'm low.
[sighs]
Tim: Still want my bag back.
Rachel: Nice hat.
I tried it on, and it fit.
[sighs]
Nelson: You gonna read that book, Tim?
Tim: [scoffs] No, Nelson, I'm gonna eat it.
Nelson: I read fast. Have it back to you tomorrow.
Tim: Keep talking, I'm gonna throw this stapler at you.
Nelson: You know, I think I saw...
Raylan: [sighs]
FOUR YEARS LATER...
Raylan: Worst possible flavor.
Willa: How bad?
Raylan: So bad, I wouldn't eat it.
Willa: [chuckles] Fish guts!
Sounds delicious.
Willa: Sand ... from a playground.
Raylan: Close. Very close. But no.
Willa: That a dog pooped in.
Raylan: [laughing] Oh! That's a good one. We have a winner.
[laughs]
Yeah. Tell your mom I gave you that for reciting the alphabet.
Willa: Can I go play now?
Raylan: Sure.
[sighs]
Winona: So much for the kale salad.
Calcium is very important for young bones.
Winona: Yeah, that's why I give her kale... jerk. Oh, thank you. They got the model right when they made her at the factory.
Willa: Mom, Dad, gave me a dollar for saying the alphabet!
Winona: Wow! You'll thank me when she gets a gold star.
Willa: Can Daddy come for dinner? Would you like to join us? Richard's parents are in town, so he's been cooking up a storm.
Raylan: Oh, I should take a rain check. Sutter called as if the office was on fire. No telling how long it'll take me to put it out. Hey, Richard.
Richard: Raylan.
Willa: Richard, my Daddy and I found a baby frog. Can we take it home? [chuckles] Sure, punk. Y-You found a name yet?
Willa: Not yet.
Richard: Hmm? Okay. We can do it in the car. Nana and grandpa are coming over. Want to say goodbye?
Willa: Goodbye, Daddy.
Raylan: Bye, Willa. Ah. Frogs are her new passion. Afraid I'm going to find one in her bed instead of Mr. Bear one of these nights.
Raylan: Why does he call her "punk"?
Winona: Oh, don't start.
Raylan: I could explain what I do for a living. I run into punks all day.
Winona: It's short for "punkin," Raylan.
Raylan: Nonetheless, it has other connotations.
Winona: Oh, my god. You're the most stubborn man I have ever known.
Raylan: Beats angry. You know, you gave her a dollar for reciting the alphabet, which is something she's been doing since April. I love the way she says "W." [laughing] Oh, man. She really knows how to play you.
Raylan: Mm.
Winona: Can you pick her up on Wednesday after school? I can and I will.
Winona: See you then.
[music]
Raylan: [sighs]
[sniffs]
We get a line on Brancato?
Sutter: Nah. Still watching the mother.
Raylan: What, then?
Sutter: Bennett has food poisoning, so you're gonna transport a prisoner to Glades.
Raylan: You can't do it because...?
Sutter: I'm on the Brancato hunt.
Raylan: You're a dick. [chuckles] A dick that doesn't have to drive to Glades!
[laughs]
Sutter: Right, Charlie?
[music]
Ava: [sighs]
Raylan: You ain't gonna invite me in?
Ava: All I got's water and... water.
No Coca Cola or RC?
Raylan: Coffee? I have a hard time sleepin' as it is.
Raylan: I imagine.
Ava: I would invite you in, but the place is a mess. 'Sides, I want to enjoy being outside. We can walk if you want.
Raylan: As long as you leave behind what I assume is a rifle in your hand.
Ava: It's an old family ranch, broken up 20 years ago in what I understand was bitter acrimony. I'm stayin' in the caretaker's house.
Raylan: Well, it is spectacular. And while I'm curious as to how you got here, what I'd first like to know is, who helped you get out of Harlan?
Ava: Who says anyone did?
Raylan: When they found my car, engine was warm. They'd have found you if you were on foot.
Ava: I was hitchhikin'.
Raylan: Lucky you, getting someone who doesn't mind picking up a woman in handcuffs and can also get you past roadblocks.
We went down the list, trying to figure out who helped you. thought for a while it was Ellen May, but her witsec marshal could account for her that day.
We looked at Limehouse, but found he'd left Nobles the day before. My best guess has always been Wynn Duffy. He gets you out of Harlan in exchange for the location of the money.
[van door closes]
And if there's anyone who could get you by a roadblock, it's Wynn Duffy.
Ava: If I give you a name, I'm betrayin' a trust.
Raylan: If it is Duffy, don't worry.
He's vanished from the face of the Earth. Rumors of him surfing in Fiji, but that's it.
Ava: How did you find me?
Raylan: A junior deputy in the Seattle office scouring local newspapers West of the continental divide. Saw someone looked maybe could be you in the background of a newspaper picture about a pumpkin patch.
Ava: Shouldn't have gone there.
Pumpkins were expensive, even for California, and the one I bought had rot.
Raylan: How you making ends meet? Cutting hair?
Ava: I done thought you'd be looking for that, so, no, I haven't held scissors and a comb in my hands since I left Harlan. Connie, the lady that owns the parcel, she uses horses to work with special-needs kids. I help with that ... mostly hand out helmets, do some side-walking. And I look after the big house, muck and feed when she's not around, and I-I... I... work at the school in town, and I also ... I-I volunteer at the church sometimes ...
Raylan: You trying to talk me out of taking you in, or are you shootin' straight for sainthood?
Ava: You gonna take me in? You ran on me, Ava, three times ... once at gunpoint. It's not like you find me here runnin' whores or robbin' banks.
Raylan: Every long-time fugitive I've ever run down expects me to congratulate them for not doing what no one's supposed to be doing anyhow.
Ava: [sighs] I'm gonna show you something. But you got to promise me you won't breathe a word to Boyd about it.
Raylan: I don't intend to see Boyd again in this life.
Ava: Promise, or you can cuff me now and put me in the back of your car!
Raylan: So, what's the big secret? You got a bear chained up back here?
Ava: It's okay, honey. You can come out now. It's just an old friend.
Raylan: Of course.
We were looking for a woman, not a pregnant woman.
Ava: Now you know why I made you promise. I can't have Boyd even knowing he exists. I'm not saying he'd cause him harm ... he'd just ruin his life.
Raylan: What's his name?
Ava: Zachariah. Only man in my life never wanted anything from me. If we're gonna take this to the next step, I need to know that he's set up. Now, there's a couple two ranches over ...
Raylan: Ava, stop. [sighs]
Raylan: I ain't gonna take you in.
Ava: Oh. Looks like you feed him well. [chuckles] Put clothes on his back. You play with him? You read to him?
Ava: Mm-hmm. Thank you. [sighs]
Raylan: I said you'd be fine. Now, hopefully, you can sleep better. [chuckles softly] You're not the only one I've been afraid to see at my front door.
Boyd: There I was, in the middle of the Mexican desert, driving a truck filled with the bodies of murdered men, followed by a car with a trunkload of heroin. I know what you're thinking. I see you nodding. You're thinking, "goddamn, Boyd! How many times I got to listen to this story?" Well, as many it takes. 'Cause if that's what you thinking, you missing the point. I had to lose it all before I saw the light.
And do you know why?
I succumbed to temptation. Now, any man can walk towards temptation, but it takes a real man to walk away from it. And when I say "walk," I mean keep on walking! Turn around! Walk in the other direction! Climb up that ladder! Say, "get behind me, devil! Get behind me, devil!"
Don't look down! [chuckles]
I'm gon' keep climbin' that ladder! I got wind in my face!
Officer Cregger: Crowder! You have a visitor.
Boyd: Well, today ain't visiting day, Officer Cregger.
Officer Cregger: Not that kind of visitor.
Boyd: To be continued.
[laughs]
Raylan Givens. To what do I owe this unexpected surprise?
Raylan: I hear you're preaching again, gathering a flock. Just spreading the word of my calamitous fall and subsequent rebirth in the light of the Lord, Raylan.
Raylan: You know you're repeating yourself, right?
Boyd: [laughs] Raylan Givens, I know you have never believed a word that has come out of my mouth, though I have harbored the secret hope that you have nevertheless enjoyed hearing them.
Raylan: Well, of all the nonsense I've heard you spin, such as, "the blacks are the problem," "the jews are the mud people," I will grant you one thing. I do believe you loved Ava.
Boyd: [sighs] Did you find her?
Raylan: We did.
Boyd: Where? What is that, uh...
Raylan: Her death certificate, Boyd.
Boyd: Well, it says "Caroline Dean," Raylan.
Raylan: Name she was using at the time.
Her Oklahoma driver's license.
Boyd: Well, a lot of people can look like a lot of people.
Raylan: We matched the DNA to a hair from a brush in Harlan.
[sighs]
Boyd: H... How, uh...
How did she, uh ...
Raylan: Three years ago. Car crash in West Texas. We barely missed her in Tulsa. She was likely driving all night, trying to, you know, put some miles between us. Fell asleep at the wheel. We only found out two weeks ago when the other Caroline Dean discovered someone had used her name, raised a fuss.
Boyd: W... Was she alone, Raylan?
Raylan: As far as I know.
Boyd: Well...
[sighs]
Okay, then. [chuckles softly] Maybe it's for the best.
Raylan: For who? Well, she was trying to get out... but I just don't think that's possible. It follows you behind somehow, Raylan. Hell, sometimes, I think the only way to get out of our town alive is to have never been born there. But then, of course, there's you. How's life in Florida?
Raylan: Pretty much as advertised. You wouldn't like it, though. A lot of jews.
Boyd: Raylan Givens, if I didn't know better, I'd think you're trying to provoke me. Now, you know Jesus Christ was a jew.
Raylan: I've heard. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to, uh ...
Boyd: Look for a reason to get off the phone? Can I ask you one question before you go?
Raylan: As long as you understand if it annoys me, I'm just gonna hang up.
Boyd: Scout's honor. Tramble penitentiary is a long way from Miami, Raylan. Now, you could have called the warden. Could have sent word through my lawyer.
Raylan: You asking why I came? Thought it was news that should be delivered in person.
Boyd: That the only reason? After all these long years, Raylan Givens... that's the only reason?
Raylan: Well, I suppose if I allow myself to be sentimental, despite all that has occurred... there is one thing I wander back to.
Boyd: We dug coal together.
Raylan: That's right. | Plan: A: Injured Boyd; Q: Who unearths Grubes' grave looking for the money? A: Federals; Q: Who is searching for Boyd? A: pursuit; Q: What does Boyd throw dynamite to deter? A: Ava; Q: Who is the only one who knows where the money is hid? A: Loretta's barn; Q: Where is Ava brought to see Avery? A: Avery; Q: Who did Boyd shoot through the eye? A: Zackariah; Q: Who did Ava say helped her drag the money to Grubes' property? A: the cabin; Q: Where does Ava call Boyd to tell him to bring the money to them? A: Avery's forces; Q: Boyd tells them to meet him at another location to divide what? A: the state troopers; Q: Who did Art talk into remanding Raylan to his custody? A: police dogs; Q: What tracked Ava's scent to Dewey's necklace? A: his location; Q: What did the crooked cop give up to help Raylan find Ava? A: the manhunt; Q: Where does Art have to go after Raylan finds Ava? A: all the crooked cops; Q: Who does Boyd kill in the fight with Avery? A: the trigger; Q: What did Boyd pull on Ava? A: a loaded gun; Q: What does Raylan give to Boyd? A: the Marshals; Q: Who walks Boyd out of the barn in cuffs? A: , ominous music; Q: What is playing as Raylan and Ava drive through the hills? A: the hills; Q: Where is Raylan driving Ava through when he is shot? A: a quick draw gunfight; Q: What does Boon force Raylan into? A: the upper chest; Q: Where did Boon take a shot from Raylan? A: another shot; Q: What does Boon struggle to take when Loretta steps on his wrist and watches him die? A: his wound; Q: What does Raylan examine when he comes around after being shot? A: Wynn Duffy; Q: Who is Ava believed to have been picked up by? A: four years later; Q: How long after the shooting does Raylan find himself in Miami? A: part; Q: How much of Raylan's daughter's life is he in Miami? A: a new man; Q: Who is Winona with? A: a lead; Q: What does Raylan get that leads him to find Ava? A: prison; Q: Where is Boyd when Raylan calls him? A: a stolen identity; Q: Why did Ava die in a car crash? A: three years earlier; Q: When did Ava die? A: coal; Q: What did Raylan and Boyd dig together? Summary: Injured Boyd unearths Grubes' grave looking for the money, giving the Federals time to close in on him. He runs further up the mountain, throwing dynamite to deter pursuit. Ava is brought to Loretta's barn to see Avery, and says that Zackariah helped her drag the money up to Grubes' property on a mountain now crawling with Federals searching for Boyd. They have her call the cabin and she speaks with Boyd, as Zackariah, telling him to bring the money to them, while enticing Boyd to rescue her as she's the only one who knows where the money is hid. Boyd tells them to meet him at another location to divide Avery's forces, drawing away Boon and Loretta. Art talks the state troopers into remanding Raylan to his custody, and is convinced to help Raylan find Ava. Having heard that police dogs tracked Ava's scent to Dewey's necklace, they realize she was picked up and force one of Avery's crooked cops to give up his location. Art must return to the manhunt so Raylan goes alone. Boyd gets there first using one of the crooked cops as a shield; Avery starts shooting and Boyd comes out on top, shooting Avery through the eye and killing all the crooked cops, then pulling the trigger on Ava though his gun is by then empty. Raylan arrives and kicks a loaded gun over to Boyd that they might finish their business, though Boyd refuses. Soon the Marshals arrive in force and Boyd is walked out in cuffs. Raylan is driving Ava in to Lexington, told that there are no deals to be made, ominous music playing as they drive through the hills. They are hit by Boon who forces a quick draw gunfight. Both men draw and shoot, Boon taking one in the upper chest while Raylan is shot through his hat, collapsing. Boon struggles to take another shot when Loretta steps on his wrist and watches him die. Raylan comes around and examines his wound when Ava drives off with his car. (It is suggested that she was picked up by Wynn Duffy, who also vanished.) Raylan moves on, and four years later he is in Miami and part of his daughter's life though Winona is with a new man. Raylan gets a lead and finds Ava living a quiet life on a ranch in Lebec, California, where she reveals that she has a boy, Zackariah, and desperately asks Raylan not to let Boyd know about him. Raylan leaves Ava but calls on Boyd, who is back to preaching in prison, and tells him that they just put together that Ava died in a car crash with a stolen identity three years earlier. Boyd asks why Raylan went out of his way to deliver the news in person, and answers himself, "We dug coal together", to which Raylan responds, "That's right." |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Blake: Well, certainly. Which way did you come in?
[ Breathes deeply ]
What do I do for a headache?
Sy: Take this hammer, hit yourself in the head, then you'll have a headache. Ga-zing.
Chief: Ma'am, calm down. You're hysterical. No, it's my son. He swallowed a roll of film.
Chief: Well, let's hope nothing develops. When I press my leg, it hurts. When I press my chest, it hurts. When I press my stomach, it hurts. What's wrong with me?
Sy: So straightforward. You've got a sore finger. Wah-wah-wahh. Doctor, my nose runs and my feet smell.
Blake: Well, I'm afraid you may have been built upside down. Haaaaaaaaaa-haa!
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
Sal: Attention, staff.
The base commander talks without using his mouth for some reason. You'll see what I mean.
Glenn: [ Sighs ] Another boring day.
Chief: [ Yawns ] Yeah. Aah! Clown!
Blake: [ Scoffs ] See that?
[ Chuckles ]
That never happens to me. People love me all the time.
[ Chuckles ]
Must be something really, really scary behind me. Aah! It's Sy and another guy! Run!
Commander Tandy: [ Sighs ] I do so hate seeing young children cry.
Sy: Yeah, I'm pretty okay with it.
Commander Tandy: You know, Sy, having your medical team here has been really great for the kids. I...I just wish there was something more we could do for them.
Sy: We could have a theme day. We did that a lot at childrens. We had outside day, Thursday Doris day, day pride day, and Daniel day-Lewis day.
Commander Tandy: Ugh. You know, please shush, shush, shush, shush. Cool it with the themes, Sy. Call me old-fashioned, but in my day, all you ever needed was one example of anything.
Sy: I think you just solved it. Olde fashioned day. We could do everything the way they used to back then.
Commander Tandy: Yes. That's a great idea, Sy. I'll start getting all the paperwork ready for cent-comm.
Sy: Paperwork? That sounds like a lot of red tape.
Blake: I hate Sy's theme days.
Glenn: [ Grunts ] I miss my boxer briefs. These long jonathans are itching my bell end.
Blake: Yeah. Olde fashioned day's stupid. Look, mom. He's funny.
[ Laughs ]
Blake: What do you mean I'm funny?
It's just...You know.
Blake: No, I don't know. You said it, okay? How am I funny? Like... like, I amuse you?
Chief: [ Elderly voice ] Blake, you've got it all wrong.
Blake: No, no, no, no, olde fashioned chief. He knows what he said. He's a big boy. What did you say? Huh? How am I funny? I'm just trying to understand this, 'cause, I don't know. Maybe I'm a little [bleep] up, you know? How am I funny? Like, I'm a clown? Oh! Oh! You like clowns!
[ Laughs ]
Blake: Wow.
Hey, thank you. No, thank you.
Blake: Clowns were like rock stars back then. Oh, olde fashioned day is great.
Sy: We will be seeing you all at the banquet and vespers concert?
Glenn: Hey, uh, are Jews allowed?
Sy: That's a very good question.
Glenn: Oh.
Sy: You know what we're serving? We're serving barbecued shoat and sugar cane.
Chief: [ Normal voice ] Oh, my God! I love shoat!
Blake: I'm gonna go purge.
Commander Tandy: Everyone's really embraced your idea, Sy.
Sy: I'm so proud.
Commander Tandy: The base has never been so...alive.
Sy: Should we carry on?
Commander Tandy: In a second.
[ Grunts ]
Okay, let's go.
Sy: Okay. Well done, chief.
Chief: [ Panting ]
Blake: Hah. What? Hah!
[ Children laugh ]
Chief: Put him in there forever and ever and ever.
You're never gonna grow up. Good luck, mister. He's just a kid.
Glenn: Did you know that people used alcohol to stop coughs and to numb the pain of arranged marriages?
[ Indistinct talking ]
Aah!
Blake: [ Laughing ]
[ Laughter ]
Yeah? Yeah?
Sal: Hear ye, hear ye, staff. Reminder... no smoking in your olde fashioned day costumes. They are rentals, and it's really hard to get that smell out. Return to your normal habits tomorrow. That's tomorrow, when everything goes back to normal.
Beth: Okay, all right. I'm going in town to get supplies.
Glenn: Oh, yeah? What are you gonna buy?
Beth: I can't tell you that, Glenn.
Glenn: Why not?
Beth: Because I don't want to ruin the supplies.
Glenn: Still doing the olde fashioned thing, huh?
Chief: Sy, this kid's tissue is necrotic. We need antibiotics and a thermal wrap.
Sy: I know, but all the modern medical equipment is still under lock and key. Until we get it, we can use a hank of pig intestines.
Chief: What?!
Sy: We'll suck the infection out.
Glenn: Guys, guys, what's going on? I thought olde fashioned day was over.
Sy: Well, it is, but, you know, the red tape is a little harder to undo.
Blake: So we have to make do with what we have, which means maggot therapy or amputation. I'll go heat up an axe. That's crazy.
Glenn: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody's amputating anything.
Blake: Do you quarrel with me, sir?
Glenn: What?
Dori: Blake had a really good day yesterday. So it's gone a little bit to his head.
Blake: Whoa! Whoa! You will regret that, Hebrew.
Sy: Glenn, please do me a favor. Just go put on your Fiddler costume, all right?
Glenn: No.
Sy: I'm gonna go and check on the bureaucracy and keep moving it along.
Glenn: Great. You do that.
Chief: What am I supposed to do with this?
Glenn: Shove it up your ass.
Blake: You just can't move any part of your face.
Commander Tandy: It's more like I don't choose to move any part of my face.
Blake: Oh, oh, okay.
Glenn: There's commander Tandy. He'll figure this out.
Blake: There he is. As laid down by olde fashioned day directive, an employee shall not wear modern dress on olde fashioned day.
Commander Tandy: I'm sorry. I had no choice. Arrest this man!
Glenn: Why? What are you... what?! What?
Commander Tandy: Well, rules are rules, my friend. I had no choice but to invoke martial law.
Blake: Anyone else care to challenge me? You know, because there's, uh, still room left in the menstrual hut.
[ Sniffs ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dori: You have to come quick.
Chief: Oh.
Dori: The kid with the rotten arm is in shock.
Glenn: Hey!
Sy: Oh, my goodness, the order hasn't gone through yet.
Blake: This kid's still alive?
Sy: Yeah.
Blake: Dori, go get me a turnkey, a candle, some cheesecloth, and a touch of cocaine.
Let's start chopping.
Chief: Blake, Blake, Blake. Wait, wait, wait. Listen to me. Getting attention can be a very powerful thing, especially when you don't get it that often. It can make you feel great joy, and it can make you do crazy things like get a co-worker thrown into the stocks for no reason or chop off the arm of a small child with an axe that you pulled out of no...where did you hide that axe, by the way?
Blake: Uh, a holster in my bodkin.
Chief: Oh, my God. That's pretty good. [ Laughs ]
Blake: [ Sighs ] You're right, chief. [ Sighs ] You know what? I, uh... I went a little bit too far with this.
Sy: Absolutely not.
Chief: Nah.
Blake: A little bit. A little bit too far. Really. I did things that you guys don't even know about, but you'll find out later what they are, and you might get hurt. They're really bad, bad, far-out things. They're... they're traps that I've set, and I can't unset them. So...I apologize ahead of time.
Beth: Back with the supplies.
Chief: Thank God. Modern medical equipment. Pork buns? What? Nurse Beth, where is the medical equipment we sent you out to get?
Beth: Supplies!
Blake: Okay.
Chief: Okay, that is pretty funny, but, damn it, what are we gonna do now?
Sy: Hmm.
Chief: I wish Glenn were here.
Glenn: I don't know. I was more of a...bookworm more than anything, you know? I didn't like the sports or anything like that. I would just kind of, you know, escape in a book.
Chief: The old-fashioned way failed us, and the modern way is pork buns.
Sy: I have an idea. There's only one thing to do... The future way. I'm going to write this letter to a doctor in the future, and I'm gonna tell him to come back here to today and bring with him medical supplies from the future to today in order to cure this kid.
Chief: [ Laughs ] Sounds like a plan.
Blake: It's so simple.
Sy: All right, nurse Beth, bury that in the ground. And now...We wait.
Dr. Greenberg: Hello.
Sy: Dr. Greenberg?
Sy: Wow. That was fast.
Dr. Greenberg: This is our patient?
Sy: Yes, it is.
Dr. Greenberg: All right, just a moment.
Sy: Please take a look.
[ Device whirs ]
Dr. Greenberg: And let's have a look.
Get out of here.
Chief: Oh, my gosh! Thank you, future doctor.
Dr. Greenberg: Oh, well, I should thank you. You know, the note you wrote is considered an important medical text and is on display at our museum of medicine and science. It's an honor to meet the authors in person.
Sy: I wrote it.
Dr. Greenberg: Oh, well, very well done. Yes. Now, uh, the only problem is that you did set off a chain of events that created a dystopian apocalyptic future. So some people have mixed feelings about you.
Chief: Understandable.
Dr. Greenberg: I really should go now, uh, before they find me.
Sy: Thanks for coming.
Chief: Oh, wait, wait, wait. One more thing. Um, who's gonna be our next president?
Dr. Greenberg: Joe Biden. Anything else? Or are we good?
Sy: Yes. Oh, I'd like to know, what's the weather tomorrow?
Dr. Greenberg: Uh, partly sunny. Rain along the coast in the early-morning hours. All good?
Beth: I have a question. I'm renting, so is it really necessary for me to own a lawn mower, or is that just...
Dr. Greenberg: Well, it depends how long your lease is and how often you mow.
Blake: What does that have to do with the future? You have one question to ask. Like, you could know anything you want in the world. I could've told you that, that having a lawn mower... I would say no.
Beth: And then it's month-to-month after that.
Dr. Greenberg: Okay.
Chief: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I got another one.
[ Chuckles ]
Um, are we ever gonna let Glenn out of the stockades?
Dr. Greenberg: No.
Chief: No!
[ Laughs ]
Sy: Oh, I have one more.
Who is the next person asking you a question?
Dr. Greenberg: Uh, the crippled lady asked me if I'm single.
Chief: Are you single?
Dr. Greenberg: See?
Chief: I'm serious.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
No laughing. No dancing with patient. Romancing. No parties caressing. I find it distressing. Collecting devices. They're paying the prices of overconsumption with mental construction.
Sal: Attention, staff. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but in my day, we didn't have iPads. We got by just fine with iPhones and laptops. | Plan: A: Childrens Hospital; Q: Where is Old Fashioned Day held? A: a conflict; Q: What does the fact that Old Fashioned Day lasts longer than a day allow for? Summary: It's Old Fashioned Day at Childrens Hospital. And it lasts longer than a day, which allows for a conflict. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
CHASE: I'm Chase, your new Big Brother.
CHUCK: Chuck!
CHUCK: Thanks for hanging out with me.
CHUCK'S MOM: Hey, I know you. You're my bartender.
CHUCK: Bar manager.
KELLERMAN: People cannot be trusted. Contracts, on the other hand, can be trusted. Seems Mr. Scott disagrees with me.
NATHAN: But the guy is a nightmare. He gets off on humiliating everyone.
CLAY: Didn't you take this guy's class 'cause it was tough?
NATHAN: I don't have a problem with him being tough. I have a problem with him being a bully.
MOUTH: I want you to move in tomorrow or even tonight, if you can. Or is that too fast?
BROOKE: They didn't just tell me that...That I wasn't pregnant. They said I'm never gonna be.
JULIAN: You can't have children? They told you that?
NALEY'S HOUSE
Jamie makes a heart with heart-shaped candies. Haley takes it to him.
JAMIE: Mom. Really?
HALEY: What? Mama's hungry. Okay, let's see. Hmm. Happy Valentine's day.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke notices that the hot water does not go out of the faucet of the kitchen. Julian comes to see.
BROOKE: Julian, the hot water won't work!
JULIAN: All right, I got it.
BROOKE: Damn. My husband is sexy. Unlike you, the hot water isn't hot enough.
JULIAN: Again?
BROOKE: Yes. It keeps going out. I think maybe you should call the plumber.
JULIAN: Okay, I'll call the plumber, but I don't like that guy. He's always checking you out.
BROOKE: He is not. He's nice. You're just jealous because he's kind of handsome.
JULIAN: Really? You think the plumber's handsome?
BROOKE: He's okay. He might have a shot with me if I had a reason to stray. But clearly, I don't.
JULIAN: Okay. I'll call the handsome plumber guy, but just remember you're my girl, Brooke Davis, and you always will be.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Clay takes a shower. Quinn joins him.
QUINN: Morning, baby.
CLAY: What is my baby up to?
QUINN: It's Valentine's Day. I'm kind of in love with you.
CLAY: Damn. I love hearing you say that.
QUINN: What?
CLAY: You are so naked right now.
QUINN: Babe, stop.
CLAY: I'm serious. It's awesome. I can totally see your butt.
QUINN: Well, you can touch me if you want.
CLAY: Valentine's Day is hot.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley and Nathan has a wash in the morning.
HALEY: Hey.
NATHAN: Hey.
HALEY: Did you remember to, uh, sign that form for Jamie's field trip today?
NATHAN: Yeah, I left it next to the humidifier. Hey, do I have something on my back? It itches like crazy.
HALEY: Oh, it looks like a rash. Ooh, there's a blackhead. Can I get it?
NATHAN: No, no, it's okay. I'm gonna see Clay in like 20 minutes.
HALEY: Fine.
NATHAN: So, do you want me to pick up anything for Valentine's day dinner?
HALEY: You're so sweet to remember.
NATHAN: Eh, sort of. I didn't really get you anything. Sorry.
HALEY: That's okay. Jamie and Madison have a playdate after school. I just kind of figured we could rent a video or something.
NATHAN: Ah. Perfect. Happy Valentine's Day.
HALEY: You too. Love you.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Julian repairs the faucet. Brooke comes to see him in underwear.
BROOKE: So, I was thinking maybe you could take a little break. My husband's away, and I could use a little help in the bedroom.
JULIAN: I don't know, Miss Baker.
BROOKE: Mrs. Baker. I do like a man who's good with his hands. Do you feel good about that tool you've got there...Thor?
JULIAN: I do.
BROOKE: Well, then, I might just take this to the bedroom so that you'll have just the right tool and I'll have just the right...Box? Something like that. What do you say, handyman? Are you feeling handy, man?
JULIAN: Yes, I am. I love you, Mrs. Baker. Am I allowed to say that?
BROOKE: Yes, baby, you are. Mmm!
ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS
NALEY'S HOUSE
Jamie takes an apple in the refrigerator and sees his mother looking for her Valentine's Day present in cupboards.
JAMIE: There's no food in there, mom.
HALEY: Watch it.
JAMIE: What you looking for, anyway?
HALEY: I am looking for my Valentine's Day present from your father. I know he got me something.
JAMIE: How come?
HALEY: Because he pretended like he didn't. Oh, the garage.
CLUB TRIC
Chuck arrives in the Tric.
CHASE: There he is Chuck Skolnick.
CHUCK: Hey.
CHASE: Have a seat, buddy. What'll you have?
CHUCK: My dad says real men drink whiskey.
CHASE: How about a root beer?
CHUCK: Lame, but whatever. How come you had a cab pick me up?
CHASE: Uh, because your mom was busy, and I couldn't leave the bar 'cause I'm...
CHUCK: You're the bar manager. I know.
CHASE: Dude, drink your root beer. Shut your pinhole.
CHUCK: Ooh, do you have pie?
CHASE: No, we have...
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Millicent takes breakfast.
MILLICENT: Half a muffin?
MOUTH: Happy Valentine's Day?
MILLICENT: Okay.
MOUTH: You know how I used to bring you a muffin every day? Well, I wanted to do that today, but we only had enough for one, and I was kind of hungry.
MILLICENT: Okay, well, it's the thought that counts.
MOUTH: So, I have some good news you know that guy who does those wacky segments on the morning news?
MILLICENT: The old guy with the bad toupee who kind of wheezes a lot?
MOUTH: Yep. He was doing a traffic spot dressed as a chicken who crosses the road. He couldn't see out of the chicken head, and he got creamed by a city work truck.
MILLICENT: Oh, my God.
MOUTH: There were feathers everywhere.
MILLICENT: How is that good news?
MOUTH: Well, 'cause now there's a job opening at the local station as a field reporter.
MILLICENT: Oh! That is good news. You'd be perfect for that.
MOUTH: Well, how'd you like to help me make a demo to send them?
MILLICENT: Okay. Can I wear a chicken suit?
MOUTH: Uh, no.
MILLICENT: Okay.
MOUTH: So, so, are you gonna eat, or...okay.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Julian reads the newspaper, Brooke is been supposed to be for a domestic lady.
JULIAN: Wow. It says here the guy from the news was hit by a city work truck. Apparently he was wearing a chicken suit. Did you hear that, Marguerite?
BROOKE: "Oui, monsieur."
JULIAN: You know, Marguerite, you're such a beautiful woman. I assume men tell you that all the time.
BROOKE: "Oui".
JULIAN: Do you like it when I tell you how beautiful you are?
BROOKE: "Oui".
JULIAN: How old are you, Marguerite?
BROOKE: I don't know how to say that in French. Ah!
JULIAN: I'm sorry. What can you say?
BROOKE: I can say, "Oui."
JULIAN: Lucky for me.
BROOKE: "Oui".
NALEY'S HOUSE
Quinn comes in the house.
HALEY: Hey.
QUINN: Are you looking for Nathan's present?
HALEY: Yes. I'm not having any luck so far. What are you guys doing tonight?
QUINN: I don't know. Clay and I really didn't talk that much this morning.
HALEY: Oh, yeah, Nathan said he was meeting up with him. He just showered, and he was out of here.
QUINN: Clay's shower was longer, but...Anyway, what are you guys doing tonight?
HALEY: Um, I don't know. Probably not too much. We'll just rent a movie or something. I'm not feeling particularly amorous with the whole swollen everything and my mood swings and my ho ho addiction.
QUINN: Stop it. You look beautiful.
HALEY: Thank you. I don't know. I guess I just feel like Valentine's Day is more for couples like you and Clay. And don't think I missed the crack about the shower, by the way. I'm sure he has something really nice planned for you. Shower.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Clay and Quinn put again sheet for the bed.
CLAY: I thought we'd just go to Tric.
QUINN: Ooh, after a romantic dinner somewhere fancy?
CLAY: Here's something you don't know about me not such a fan of the Valentine's Day.
QUINN: But you said it was hot.
CLAY: Oh, yeah, but that was after you let me touch your butt. But I think it's a completely bogus holiday.
QUINN: Well, I think it's romantic.
CLAY: Amateur romantic. It's a bunch of dudes with no game scrambling for flowers and jewelry.
QUINN: I like flowers and jewelry.
CLAY: All women like flowers and jewelry. And that's why they invented Valentine's Day so they could leverage every boyfriend, fiancé, and husband in America.
QUINN: Really? Leverage?
CLAY: Leverage. Yeah, Valentine's Day should be ashamed to even call itself a holiday. You know, if I'm Christmas or Easter or the Fourth of July, there's no way I'm letting Valentine's Day sit at the lunch table. It's like, "go on, February 14th. Go sit on the steps near shop class with Cinco de Mayo."
QUINN: What's wrong with Cinco de Mayo?
CLAY: Okay, I like Cinco de Mayo. Kind of reaching there. Hey, while I'm at it, uh know, I couldn't get us those tickets to city and Colour next week. I know you want to go, and I'm still trying, but they're totally sold out. So, aren't you glad you survived a gunshot so your boyfriend could disappoint you a bunch?
QUINN: You don't disappoint me...Ever.
(They kiss)
QUINN: Mmm. That's fine. We can go to Tric later. But I'm gonna spend the rest of the day with my other boyfriend.
CLAY: Huh? Ugh!
SHOP
Quinn and Jamie go shopping to buy a present.
JAMIE: If you were a girl, what would you want to get?
QUINN: Concert tickets. Or a diamond necklace. Rare jewels are good.
JAMIE: There's a girl in my class named jewel. She's lactose intolerant. Oh, cool -- heart shoelaces. Madison would love these.
QUINN: Those are nice, but what about getting her, like, flowers or chocolate?
JAMIE: No, I'm sticking with shoelaces. The hearts say, "I like you," but the shoelace part isn't too mushy. Let's check out the cards.
QUINN: Okay.
JAMIE: "To my beloved soul mate"? Ugh. What's yours say?
QUINN: "Your love consumes me."
JAMIE: Gross. Where's the card that says, "I'd pick you first for dodge ball," or, "I'd trade you my PB&J for your crappy bologna sandwich if you want"?
QUINN: You make a good point. And I would love to get you that card, buddy, but I don't think we're gonna find that one here. What do you say we go home and go make one?
JAMIE: If you were a girl, would that be okay?
QUINN: Yeah, it'd be awesome. And technically, I am a girl.
JAMIE: If that's your story. I'm gonna go pay for these.
BASEBALL FIELD
Nathan and Clay come to see a new costumer.
NATHAN: So, you want to tell me where we're going?
CLAY: Let me answer that with a question. What if I told you that there was a college prospect right here in Tree Hill who threw 98 miles an hour accurately, was on the radar of every major league team, and didn't have an Agent? Would you sign him?
NATHAN: No, because if he's really that good, then there must be a reason he doesn't have an Agent.
CLAY: Okay. Let me try this. What if I told you his name was Kellerman?
NATHAN: As in Professor Kellerman?
CLAY: Yeah. As in Professor Kellerman's son.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Mouth makes his demo.
MOUTH: I'm Marvin McFadden, and today we're speaking with Millicent Huxtable, the former face of Clothes Over Bros. Millicent, you've had quite a journey. You started out as an assistant at Clothes Over Bros, rose to the very top of the company, and even became the face of the brand before its recent collapse. Now you find yourself on the outside looking in. What are you doing these days?
MILLICENT: Well, these days, I'm unemployed, and I spend my time being fake-interviewed by my supposed boyfriend, who just kind of hurt my feelings.
MOUTH: Let's do that again.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Julian, disguised as business' man, returns at home. Brooke is been supposed to be for a teenager baby-sitter.
JULIAN: I'm home.
BROOKE: Hi.
JULIAN: Any problems with the kids?
BROOKE: Nope, no problems at all, Mr. Baker. How was your day?
JULIAN: Good. A little lonely.
BROOKE: Huh.
JULIAN: Here's a crazy idea. I know it's a school night and everything, but...How'd you like to stay and have a glass of wine before you go?
BROOKE: Okay.
JULIAN: It'll be our little secret. I won't even tell your parents.
BROOKE: Okay, this one's too creepy.
JULIAN: Ah. You're right. I'm sorry.
BROOKE: Ooh, unless... They invert them roles.
BROOKE: I'm home.
JULIAN: Hi.
BROOKE: Hi.
CLUB TRIC
Chuck helps Chase.
CHUCK: So, who are the flowers for? Your Valentine's date?
CHASE: Don't have a date.
CHUCK: Figures. Bet you my dad's got a date tonight. He probably has four or five.
CHASE: You miss your dad, Chuck?
CHUCK: Yeah, but he says he's gonna send for me... When he gets settled.
CHASE: How long has he been gone?
CHUCK: Not too long. Only two years.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley finds her Valentine's Day present behind one limp in the pantry.
HALEY: Ah!
BASEBALL FIELD
Clay and Nathan want to talks with the player.
IAN: I'm good, man.
CLAY: Ian Kellerman. Clay Evans. This is Na...
IAN: Nathan Scott. Heard you were in my dad's class.
NATHAN: Yeah, your dad's, uh -- he's an interesting guy.
IAN: He's a douche bag.
(Ian takes a beer)
NATHAN: It's a little early, isn't it?
IAN: Are you guys here to sign me or lecture me?
CLAY: Well, depends on what you're looking for in an Agent.
IAN: Whoever gets me the most money up front. Highest signing bonus wins.
CLAY: You know, a lot of times, you can get a more lucrative deal if you give a little on the bonus.
IAN: Right. Well, here's the thing, guys. I'm one curve ball away from blowing out my arm and being washed up like you two. So I'd prefer to get paid up front.
NATHAN: We understand that. But if I could've known what was gonna happen to my back, I would have liked to have had the security of a long-term deal.
IAN: Let me try explaining this to you another way. Do you know what a guy like me looks like on sorority row with a high-dollar signing bonus and a face like this? He looks good. Now, you know what a guy like me looks like five years from now with your long-term deal? He looks like you two...old. So I'll take mine now the money, the women...All of it. Beer's on me.
CLAY: He called us old.
NATHAN: I like him.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Mouth takes his demo with Millie again.
MOUTH: Sources tell us the tiger escaped through a malfunctioning gate and entered a crowd of zoo patrons. What did you see?
MILLICENT: Well, I saw the tiger escape through a malfunctioning gate and enter a crowd of zoo patrons.
MOUTH: Valentine's Day is upon us a day for romance and celebration for couples nationwide. How will you be spending Valentine's Day?
MILLICENT: I'll be spending my Valentine's Day making this tape and hoping the station hires the best candidate for the job.
MOUTH: Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm Marvin McFadden, and we'll be back after this.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Quinn and Jamie go back to the shopping.
JAMIE: Hi, mom. Bye, mom.
HALEY: Hey.
QUINN: Oh, my God, what is that?
HALEY: It's mine. I just found it in the pantry.
QUINN: Damn you. I wanted one of those. Ohh. All I'm getting is concert tickets.
HALEY: I thought Clay said the concert was sold out.
QUINN: I thought that Nathan said he didn't get you anything.
HALEY: You make a good point. You know what? I bet they're not even meeting with a player. They're probably both out planning something really special for us tonight.
BASEBALL FIELD
Nathan and Clay drink beers.
CLAY: You doing anything special tonight?
NATHAN: No, I don't think so. You?
CLAY: Not really. We shouldn't sign Kellerman. No, we walk away from talent if the athlete's a jackass. This guy's a jackass.
NATHAN: I don't disagree, but do you know any other young athletes who were a mess and then eventually found their way?
CLAY: You mean you?
NATHAN: I do. The kid's got a difficult father, and he feels like the world owes him something. I've been there. Just let me talk to him again before we move on.
CLAY: You want to help Ian Kellerman or just screw with his father?
NATHAN: I don't know. Maybe both.
CLUB TRIC
Chuck and Chase drink a beer too.
CHUCK: Ahh. Yep, another Valentine's Day alone.
CHASE: It sucks.
CHUCK: Well, more for you. 736 I'm only 8. What?
CHASE: There's nothing wrong with being a little nicer.
CHUCK: I'm pretty nice.
CHASE: Yeah, nothing says nice like a punch in the gut and some kid yelling, "Chuck!"
CHUCK: I'm making this Valentine for my mom.
CHASE: That's a start. All I'm saying is, people are gonna like you for who you are. Like, what are your hobbies? What do you like to do?
CHUCK: Well, there is this one thing that I like that I never told anyone.
CHASE: Yeah?
CHUCK: Uh-huh. Show tunes.
CHASE: Didn't see that one coming. Okay. So, you listen to show tunes.
CHUCK: Not just listen to them. I write my own.
CHASE: Right. Um, you know that "punch in the stomach" thing is kind of cool, actually.
CHUCK: You want to hear one?
CHASE: I...
(Chuck starts to sing)
NALEY'S HOUSE
Jamie finished the card for Madison.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Quinn applies her lotion for her date.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke and Julian are lying on the sofa.
JULIAN: Geez, Mrs. Baker, you sure are swell.
BROOKE: Mm.
CLUB TRIC
Chuck finishes his song.
CHUCK: Whoo!
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley puts the revealed gifts back in their place.
CLUB TRIC
Chuck makes a card for his mother.
CHASE: How's the Valentine going?
CHUCK: Honestly? I think it's my best work. You think my mom will like it?
CHASE: Dude, I think she'll love it.
CHUCK: I hope so. So, I was thinking about what you said about being myself, and I decided I'm gonna sing my song at school on Monday.
CHASE: Oh, yeah? Well, you know, I might have been wrong about that.
CHUCK: You didn't like it, huh?
CHASE: No, it's not that. It's just sometimes it's cool to have stuff you like that nobody knows about, especially, like, classmates and friends. Which tie do you like?
CHUCK: I don't know. That one, I guess.
CHASE: Good call. All right, I got to run to the back again. You gonna be okay out here?
CHUCK: Sure, but you've been running to the back all day.
CHASE: Dude, I got a lot to do around here. I'm the bar...
CHUCK: You're the bar manager. I know already. Geez.
CHASE: I'll be right back. Stay put. The Valentine is strong, by the way.
CHUCK: Thank you.
CHASE: Hey, and no more root beer. You're gonna wet the bed.
CHUCK: Dude, I'm 8 years old.
CHASE: I heard about the camping trip.
CHUCK: That was one time! Man! Chase is going to wake Chuck's mom who sleeps on changing rooms.
CHASE: Mrs. Skolnick? Come on, Mrs. Skolnick. Wake up.
CHUCK'S MOM: Where am I?
CHASE: You're at Tric. You had a little too much to drink again. Chuck is with me at the bar. He doesn't know you're here, and he's not going to.
CHUCK'S MOM: Did he eat?
CHASE: A while ago. He's hoping to have dinner with his mom at home.
CHUCK'S MOM: You got a light?
CHASE: There's a cab outside. It's gonna take you home. I'll take Chuck in a little while.
CHUCK'S MOM: You think you're better than me, don't you? You're not. Maybe I drank a little too much. But you poured them, didn't you?
CHASE: You were like this when you got here, Mrs. Skolnick. We're not even open today. Your son made you a Valentine's Day card, and he's proud of it. You might want to make a big deal out of it when he gets home.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke and Julian are sitting in the couch.
BROOKE: These are the best days, aren't they? When we look back, these are the days we'll remember.
JULIAN: It's a day I'll remember. I'll tell you that much.
BROOKE: It's a good day. Hey, I could really go for a pizza.
JULIAN: Ohh. Yeah, you want me to call the pizza guy?
BROOKE: That sounds delicious.
JULIAN: What are you thinking, baby, meat lovers?
BROOKE: Definitely.
JULIAN: Okay.
BROOKE: Julian, tell the pizza guy to hurry. I'm starving.
JULIAN: Me too.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Mouth and Millie exchange Valentine gifts.
MILLICENT: What you thinking, Marvin McFadden?
MOUTH: I was thinking about, um, eating Chinese food with you in New York and just all we've been through and how it's nice to have you here.
MILLICENT: It's nice to be here. And by "here," I don't just mean tonight.
MOUTH: I got you a little something. A few things, actually. Here, open that one first.
MILLICENT: What could it be? My own whole muffin?
MOUTH: That is two complete halves right there.
MILLICENT: Wow. Very impressive.
MOUTH: Mm-hmm, and there's also this. Brooke helped me out with that one. She said you liked that stuff, so...
MILLICENT: I love it, but it's really expensive.
MOUTH: Eh, I asked Chase for a couple extra hours at Tric. Not that I think you need a stitch of makeup, because you are very beautiful.
MILLICENT: Thank you. I also got you a couple of things. Half a muffin.
MOUTH: I so wanted half that thing.
MILLICENT: And this.
MOUTH: Oh, wow. I love it.
MILLICENT: It's to wear with your gray suit when you get that reporter job at the station.
MOUTH: Thank you. I love you, Millie.
MILLICENT: I love you more, Marvin.
CLUB TRIC
Clay and Quinn leave the car to enter in the Tric.
CLAY: Damn, my baby can wear a dress.
QUINN: Thank you, handsome. Oh, I think Tric is closed.
CLAY: What? Oh, come on.
QUINN: It's fine. 034 Come on. Let's go.
CLAY: No, it's not. I've ruined your Valentine's Day.
QUINN: No, you haven't.
CLAY: Maybe Chase or Mouth are here. Quinn and Clay enter the Tric and Chuck welcomes them.
CHUCK: Table for two? Right this way.
QUINN: You said you hated Valentine's Day.
CLAY: When did I say that?
QUINN: In the shower, you said you liked my butt and you hated Valentine's day.
CLAY: Well, I guess I lied about one of those things.
QUINN: So you're a liar.
CLAY: I'm a liar with a purpose. Now, come on. There's more.
QUINN: Oh. What are you up to?
CLAY: I have no idea what's happening, but our waiter looks crazy, so I suggest we play along.
QUINN: Thank you.
(Chase is on the scene)
CHASE: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, for one night only, City and Colour.
City and Colour starts to sing.
QUINN: Oh, my God.
CLAY: Guess we don't need those tickets now. Happy Valentine's Day, baby.
QUINN: Thank you.
PLAY STATION
Jamie and Madison exchange gifts.
JAMIE: Okay, on the count of three. One, two, three.
MADISON: Oh, my gosh, shoelaces!
JAMIE: Wristbands! Cool! I thought the hearts were kind of awesome.
MADISON: I was hoping you could wear the wristbands for baseball.
JAMIE: Thanks, Madison. Want to go play skee-ball?
MADISON: Okay.
CLUB TRIC
Quinn listen the song and kisses Clay.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan goes home and sees Haley who is prepared candles.
NATHAN: Hey. What's all this?
HALEY: Hey. It's Valentine's Day.
NATHAN: I know. I just thought we were gonna rent a movie.
HALEY: Oh, I thought maybe you got me something.
NATHAN: All right, hold on, you goof.
HALEY: You know you can't hide anything from me.
NATHAN: I don't even know why I try. Happy Valentine's Day, Hales. I'm gonna go take a shower.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke opens the door for the pizza man, she is underwear.
BROOKE: Can I help you?
PIZZA MAN: Yes, you can. Can I help you?
JULIAN: Who was that?
BROOKE: The pizza guy?
JULIAN: Great. Where's the pizza?
BROOKE: I didn't want pizza.
JULIAN: You said to call the pizza guy.
BROOKE: I...
JULIAN: Oh.
BROOKE: Why are you laughing?
JULIAN: You said to order meat lover's.
BROOKE: Well...
JULIAN: Hey.
PIZZA MAN: Hey. Hey!
JULIAN: Sorry, dude, little misunderstanding. Obviously, I'm here.
PIZZA MAN: I'm cool with that.
CLUB TRIC
Quinn and Clay exchange gifts.
QUINN: Oh, wow.
CLAY: You like it?
QUINN: It's amazing. Thank you. Clay, don't...
CLAY: Heart shoelaces? Sweet!
QUINN: I'm so sorry. But to be fair, you said no presents.
CLAY: Yeah, you're right.
QUINN: Mmm.
CLAY: So maybe we should just take yours back.
QUINN: Mnh-mnh.
CLAY: No?
QUINN: I love it. And I love you... For all of this.
CHUCK'S HOUSE
Chase drops Chuck off at his house.
CHASE: All right, dude, I'll see you later, okay?
CHUCK: Okay.
CHASE: Hey, listen, about that song...
CHUCK: I...it's okay.I mean, my dad said the same thing...About not singing at school or anything.
CHASE: Well, you know what, buddy? I think I was wrong about that. As a matter of fact, I was thinking that song's way too good for people not to hear.
CHUCK: Really?
CHASE: Yeah. So I'm gonna talk to my friend who runs a recording studio and see if we can get it recorded.
CHUCK: You mean Jamie's mom? I could do that. I mean... Thank you.
CHASE: You're welcome. You got your mom's Valentine?
CHUCK: Yeah. I hope she likes it.
CHASE: I'm sure she will.
CHUCK: Two years is a long time, huh?
CHASE: It's not that long.
CHUCK: Uh...It's okay if you can't hang out tomorrow. I mean, if you're busy or something.
CHASE: I'll see you tomorrow.
(Chuck enters in the house)
CHASE: Happy Valentine's day, mom!
CHUCK'S MOM: Is that for me? It's beautiful.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley is upset.
NATHAN: You okay?
HALEY: I'm sorry I've been so moody all the time.
NATHAN: What?
HALEY: What am I saying? I'm not sorry. I'm pregnant. I am pregnant, Nathan.
NATHAN: Okay.
HALEY: I found some things in the pantry.
NATHAN: You went snooping.
HALEY: I...yes, I went snooping, and unless Jamie is buying diamond necklaces for Madison...
NATHAN: You opened it?
HALEY: Well, that's not the point.
NATHAN: I think it is.
HALEY: Where is it, Nathan? Where's the diamond necklace or the earrings or the flowers?
NATHAN: You weren't supposed to see those things.
HALEY: Nathan!
NATHAN: I can't believe you, Haley.
HALEY: Do you think I'm blind? You're gone all day. You came home, you shower, and then you...
(The bedroom is decorated with candles and flowers in tle floor)
HALEY: You love me.
NATHAN: Of course I do, you dork. With all my heart, I do.
HALEY: I'm sorry.
NATHAN: Oh, here we go. Come on.
HALEY: You got me ho hos.
NATHAN: Mm-hmm.
HALEY: I really wanted these.
NATHAN: And the necklace was for Quinn. I was hiding it for Clay.
HALEY: Oh.
NATHAN: I can try to steal it back if you want.
HALEY: No, it's fine. This is perfect. It's all perfect.
NATHAN: We're perfect.
HALEY: I love you.
NATHAN: I love you, too, baby. You really want those ho hos, don't you?
HALEY: Really bad.
NATHAN: Okay.
CLUB TRIC
City and Colour finishes the song.
PLAY STATION
Jamie and Madison eat a ice cream together.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke and Julian eat the pizza.
BROOKE: The pizza was a good call. I'm glad you got it wrong. What?
JULIAN: I think we should adopt.
BROOKE: What? Are you sure?
JULIAN: I think about what my life was like before I found you, who I was and how I was, and it is so much better now. I know there's a child out there for us, one we'll look at and think, "how could we have ever gone through life without this?" And they'll look at us, and they'll know they are loved and wanted and needed. And they'll know we searched for them...Like I searched for you.
BROOKE: I want that so much, and I want it with you. But are you sure we're ready?
JULIAN: We're ready.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Mouth and Millicent eat the muffin together.
MOUTH: Uh...
(Telephone rings)
MOUTH: I got it. Oh, it's the station. (at phone) Hello? Yes, it is. Oh. Sure. (at Millicent) It's for you.
CLUB TRIC
Clay and Quinn looks the artist singing.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke and Julian talk in the living room.
BROOKE: What a perfect day. Do you think I'll be a good mom?
JULIAN: You'll be an amazing mom. I'll be grouchy and old.
BROOKE: You'll be wonderful. We're gonna adopt a baby.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley eats ho hos.
NATHAN: Down the hatch.
HALEY: Mmm! So good! Mmm! Best Valentine's day ever.
(They kiss)
End of the episode. | Plan: A: shoelaces; Q: What item did the couples of Tree Hill use to celebrate Valentine's Day? A: Billy Bragg; Q: Who wrote the song that inspired the episode? A: Opening theme song; Q: What song was performed by The New Amsterdams? Summary: Sex games, secrets and shoelaces all come into play as the couples of Tree Hill celebrate Valentine's Day. This episode is named after a song by Billy Bragg . Opening theme song performed by The New Amsterdams . |
"We Are Family" 34th Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 2ADA12
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Episode opens with Valenti in the Sheriff's office giving a statement to the Judge about finding Laurie in the woods. Max and Liz are in the lobby with Deputy Hanson doing the same.)
Isabel: Ahem.
Hanson: About what time did you arrive at the scene?
Max: 9:30.
Sheriff: Shortly after 10 p.m.
Dan: How exactly did you locate that girl?
Sheriff: I, uh...I spotted the oxygen tanks.
Isabel: We heard her screaming.
Dan: How many shots were fired?
Sheriff: 4...from the north.
Max: 6?
Dan: What were you kids doing in those woods?
Max: We were, um...uh, hiking.
Sheriff: The Evans kids were on their way back from the library when their car broke down. I was, uh...I was giving them a lift when the call came in.
Judge: Jim, didn't you say you got to the scene after 10:00? I may be wrong, but I think our library closes at 8:00.
Hanson: Okay, that's it for now. Your parents have been notified, and they're expecting you at home. Deputy Carter will take you.
Max: Can we see the Sheriff?
Hanson: Sorry, kids. Not right now.
[Valenti and Lubetkin shouting]
Sheriff: Oh, this whole thing is a load of crap.
Dan: Your abuse of procedure shows a complete...
Sheriff: Wait one damn second! Police work saved that woman's life tonight.
Judge: Mr. Lubetkin...
Judge (to Sheriff): Have your report on my desk by 10 a.m. tomorrow morning. Jim...policy dictates that...umm...we set a hearing of the city council to discuss this.
Sheriff: Well, whatever policy dictates.
Judge: You're burnt out. You need a break. Give me your badge and your gun. You're officially suspended until this week's hearing.
(At the hospital where Laurie was taken)
Nurse: There she is. Did you have a good rest?
Laurie: You...saved my life?
Nurse: No, the people who found you did. There are some...uh...folks from the Sheriff's department who'd like to talk to you when you're feeling up to it. I can tell them to wait. Can I get you anything, sweetie?
Laurie: Juice.
P.A.: Dr. Kravitz, you have a visitor in the main lobby.
Tess: The sexual dysfunction unit's that way.
Michael: Funny.
Tess: Ok, according to the bloodwork and X-rays, Laurie is human.
Michael: That's impossible. Why did Isabel have a flash when she touched her?
Tess: I don't know. We got the info Max wanted. Let's just get out of here. This polyester number is not working for me.
Michael: Not until I get a look at her.
Tess: Don't even think about it. Michael! Michael!
(Opening credits)
(The next morning at the Valenti home. Someone is knocking persistently on the door)
Duff: Sheriff Valenti?
Sheriff: Yeah?
Duff: Agent Suzanne Duff, FBI. Good. You're showered.
Sheriff: Can I help you?
Duff: Yeah, I think so. Laurie Dupree is missing again.
Sheriff: Yeah, I'm aware of that.
Duff: And in the interest of locating her and catching her attacker, Judge Lewis has agreed to let me bring you back in on the case. You got any more half and half?
Sheriff: Uh, no.
Duff: Here are the conditions. You're still suspended, so I call the shots. You follow my lead, and you get my back when I need it.
Sheriff: My lucky day.
Duff: Well, hey...it beats watching Oprah.
Sheriff: Listen, Agent Duff...I've got a whole bullpen full of deputies down there who would love to be your gopher.
Duff: You know what, I appreciate honesty. So, I'm gonna be straight. This is my second case. My first was an interstate kidnapping that went off without a hitch. I like to catch criminals, and I want to make assistant director by the time I'm 35. That means busting my butt and asking for help when I need it. So?
Sheriff: That's honesty.
Duff: And here's some more. You make a horrendous cup of coffee.
Sheriff: Yeah? Wait'll you taste what we make down at the station. Come on. We got a girl to find.
(At school, Alex surprises Maria)
Alex: "Javlar, jag missade bussen."
Maria: Oh, my God! Alex! Oh, my God! I missed you so much! How was your trip home?
Alex: Oh, well, the flight from Stockholm was, like, 10 hours late. Yeah, "vilken javla rora". Oh. "What a bloody mess".
(Liz walks over to greet Alex)
Liz: Oh, Alex, hey!
Alex: Hi!
Liz: We...oh, uh..."hur ar det"? I looked up Swedish web sites while you were gone.
Alex: Well, then, in that case "tack bra".
Liz: Thank you. Oh, did you see the midnight sun?
Maria: Ok, stop hogging him, Frieda. So, were the Viking guys hot, huh?
Alex: Well, you can decide that after you see my slides.
Liz: Ooh! I'm so excited!
Alex: So, how is everybody here?
Liz: Umm...uh, Sheriff Valenti...he was suspended last night. It was in this morning's paper. Well, what...
Maria: Did they find that girl, by the way, who escaped from the hospital?
Liz: Umm, no, and people are saying that, you know, whoever kidnapped her may have come back.
(Maria spies Max off to the side)
Maria: Oh, um, ahem. Look. Max. He needs you.
Liz: Ok. Umm, Alex, it's so good to see you. I'll see you guys later.
Alex: I've been gone one month.
Maria: Let's hit the vending machines. I'll catch you up.
Liz: Max, are you okay? I read about what happened. How's Isabel?
Max: We're fine. It's Valenti I'm worried about. I can't even get him on the phone.
Liz: I'm sorry. This is really awful.
Max: Kyle...
(Kyle avoids Max and walks away)
(Kyle shows up at his dad's office and drops a bag on his desk)
Kyle: Chicken sandwich, extra mayo. So...were you gonna talk to me about the front page of the newspaper...
Sheriff: Kyle, of course I was gonna talk to you about it. I will talk to you about it. Umm...I've just been brought back here as kind of glorified secretary, so my time isn't really my own.
Kyle: Some pal Judge Lewis turned out to be.
Sheriff: He doesn't know what we know.
Kyle: I know, but it pisses me off that we can't tell him the truth.
Sheriff: Well, as you kids say, it sucks big.
Duff: Sheriff, where the hell is that background report I asked you for?
Sheriff: Agent Duff, this is my son Kyle. Kyle, Agent Duff from the FBI.
Duff: Hi. Nice to meet you. You look just like your father.
Kyle: Thank you. Well, I, uh, I gotta go. I'm late for class.
Duff: Right. It's nice to meet you.
(Kyle leaves)
Sheriff: Yeah, can I see those?
Duff: Mmm-hmm. We've got a pretty decent shoe print at the burial site and synthetic fibers pulled from the duct tape that bound the girl. And what's the update on Laurie Dupree?
Sheriff: My guys are sifting through the prints from her hospital room right now. Her last address was the Pinecrest Psychiatric Hospital, Brownsfield, Texas. Paranoid schizophrenic. No parents or guardians on record. And she ran away from there one week before the kidnapping. Her doctors are faxing her records.
Duff: CC those to me.
Sheriff: Right.
(Sheriff Valenti gets paged by Michael. He meets Michael at the burial site)
Michael: This wasn't here last night.
Sheriff: So, why the hell are you poking around a closed crime scene?
Michael: If I don't look after us, who will?
Sheriff: Anyone see you?
Michael: No.
Sheriff: Are you sure? Listen, Michael, you can't be doing this anymore. The FBI is involved. This is how trouble starts. You got it?
Michael: Yeah.
Sheriff: If I need anything, I'll call you.
(At the Crashdown, Liz is clearing off the table that Max was sitting at)
Max: Uh, I wasn't done.
Liz: Oh. Ok. It's late.
Max: Did you study for history?
Liz: Uh, yeah. I was going to once my shift ended.
Max: Can I have another Coke?
Liz: Max, you've been sitting here since 6:00.
Max: I don't wanna go home. There's someone dangerous in our town, Liz. Someone who'd do that to a defenseless person.
Liz: That's why you're here. You're worried about me. Thank you.
(Sean knocks on the front door of the Crashdown)
Liz: One second.
Sean: I would kill for some Chili Orbit Rings.
Liz: I'm sorry, Sean, but the kitchen's closed.
Sean: Come on. Ok, ok...umm, Asteroid Pie.
Liz: Uh, the last piece went at 6:00.
Sean: Why do you gotta be so cruel, Parker?
Liz: Just come back tomorrow, Sean, okay? I'll give you 10% off.
Sean: 20.
Liz: Good night, Sean.
(Sean leaves and Liz goes back over to Max)
Liz: Ok, um, you know what...my books are upstairs, and there are 2 pieces of Asteroid Pie left in the fridge. You can stay as long as you like.
(Sheriff Valenti arrives at home and opens the closet to hang up his coat. Laurie Dupree is hiding there)
Laurie: Aah! Stop looking for me! Please!
(Switch to the outside of Liz's room, where Alex is setting up the slide projector to show Liz, Maria, and Isabel slides of his trip)
Isabel: I can't stop thinking about her.
Liz: Well, I'm glad you came.
Isabel: So am I. Thanks, I really needed this.
Maria: Ok, an appetizer of swedish fish. These are lundstrom bowls from IKEA. And a smorgasbord will follow if it doesn't freeze.
Alex: Yeah, you know what? You guys are sissies, 'cause after a winter in Sweden, this weather is downright balmy.
Isabel: That's a lot of slide carousels, Alex.
Alex: Yeah, well, you know, I wanted you guys to feel like you had been there, too.
(Switch back to Laurie and Sheriff Valenti)
Sheriff: Laurie, you need to see a doctor.
Laurie: No, no, no. Th-they get into hospitals.
Sheriff: Don't be afraid. A lot of people want to help you.
Laurie: No, no! No one can know I'm here, just you. Y-you found me. If you were working for them, you wouldn't have saved me. Can I trust you?
Sheriff: Yes. You can trust me. Come on. Now, are you talking about the person that did this to you? Was there more than one?
Laurie: Everyone keeps asking me about the man who took me. Is he tall or short or fat or thin? But it wasn't a man. It was a them. They're not from here.
(Agent Duff calls Sheriff Valenti on the phone)
Sheriff: Yeah?
Duff: I just found out that there's been a construction crew working on that whole stretch of highway leading into Frazier Woods. The entire gang's on their way in for interviews so I'm gonna need your help.
Sheriff: This can't wait till tomorrow?
Duff: Not when I'm calling the shots. I thought we had an agreement, Sheriff. Can I count on you or not?
Sheriff: Yeah, I'll be right there.
Laurie: Y-you're leaving?
Sheriff: Not just yet. Listen, if you can trust me, then you can trust the people that I say are okay, right?
(Switch back to Liz's place. Sheriff Valenti calls and Liz answers)
Liz: Oh, I'll get it, I'll get it. Uh, hello. Oh, yeah, hi, Sheriff. Um, yeah, of course. Hold on one second. Isabel, it's for you.
Isabel: Hello? Aw, man. Yeah, okay, I'll be right there.
Liz: Isabel, is everything okay?
Isabel: Yeah, um, sure. Valenti just needs me to do something for him. I am so sorry, Alex.
Alex: Don't worry about it.
Isabel: Maybe we can do this some other time.
Alex: Yeah, yeah, just let me know when it's good for you.
Isabel: Well, I think your trip really agreed with you. You look great.
Alex: Thanks. Yeah, I feel great. See you around.
Isabel: Yeah, see you guys later.
Liz & Maria: Bye.
(Isabel leaves)
Alex: Hey, Liz, do you have an extension cord?
Liz: Oh, yeah, I do. I'll go get it.
(Liz walks down the stairs and notices Sean munching away on some food)
Liz: Excuse me, what are you doing here?
Sean: I was hungry. The...uh...auto show's in town this weekend.
Liz: Uh-huh?
Sean: I was gonna go.
Liz: Where is that extension cord?
(Liz rummages around looking for the cord. Sean sees it and offers it to her)
Sean: So, uh, you wanna go?
Liz: Umm, I don't know. Cars are, you know, I just...maybe I will check it out.
Sean: With me?
Liz: Oh.
(Alex comes down the stairs looking for Liz)
Alex: Hey...uh, Liz, do you have some Windex or something? The lens is dirty. Sean.
Sean: Alice.
Alex: Hey, that's funny. I haven't heard that since they put you away.
Liz: In the kitchen?
Alex: Thanks.
Liz: Yeah, um, you know, thank you very much for the invitation, but I don't think I can go.
Sean: The, uh...the guy who was in there with you before?
Liz: Max. Well, yeah...it's just that we're, um, we're, you know...we're semi-involved, and it's not that it's romantic right now, but it has been in the past, and I just don't know about the future. We're friends. You know, we're friends plus.
Sean: No sweat. Thanks for dinner.
Alex: Hey, Parker, let's go.
(Switch to the grocery store. Kyle and Tess are shopping and they overhear some old ladies badmouthing Sheriff Valenti)
Kyle: Grab me some Skittles.
Tess: Hmm?
Kyle: No, you're not dumping this stuff on the candy.
Tess: Yes, I am.
Woman One: 2 minors in the Sheriff's patrol car, and I heard one missed taking a bullet by inches. It's crazy behavior, plain and simple.
Woman Two: Well, his dad was a loon, and that type of thing's hereditary. And am I the only one wondering why he's escorting children through a deserted wood in the middle of the night?
Woman One: Well, have you seen the Evans girl? Looks like a supermodel..."trouble" written all over her.
Amy: Well, Nancy Anne, you'd be the expert on statutory rape. I mean, you must have done a ton of research when you found out your husband was sleeping with the baby-sitter, right? Oh, well, one thing you obviously know nothing about is Jim Valenti. Otherwise, you wouldn't be talking such trash. This and 2 scratch-off lottery tickets, please.
(Back at Valenti's place, Isabel is watching over Laurie)
Isabel: Laurie, stop. Your hands are bleeding.
Laurie: No, no, I have to get them out. They put them under there. That's what they do to me.
Isabel: What do they do?
Laurie: I'm so cold. I'm so cold.
Isabel: Laurie...what did they do to you? LAURIE: Put needles in me. Put stuff inside. See?
Isabel: I don't see anything.
Laurie: I-It's there. I'm not crazy. They put me in a mental hospital, but I didn't belong there.
(Someone knocks on the front door)
Isabel: Laurie, go into the bedroom, oK? Until I tell you it's all right.
(Isabel opens the door. Max and Michael come inside)
Max: We got a message from Valenti. What's going on?
Isabel: Laurie Dupree is here.
(They walk over to the bedroom door and Isabel knocks)
Isabel: Laurie? Laurie, you can come out. It's ok. You remember Max. He was there that night. This is our friend Michael.
Michael: Hey.
(Laurie looks as if she's seen a ghost. She becomes hysterical)
Laurie: Ohh! You stay away from me! You're dead! You're dead!
(Laurie shuts the door and locks it)
Isabel: No, Laurie! Laurie! Laurie! Laurie! Damn it!
(Laurie climbs out the window and starts running around outside)
Laurie: Help, help! Help me! Help! Help! Hey, hey! Help, help! Somebody! Somebody, help me!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At the Sheriff station)
Sheriff: Listen, unless there's anything else...
Duff: Oh, no. No, I'm just gonna finish up some paperwork, so, I'll see you tomorrow.
Sheriff: Right.
(Isabel calls Sheriff Valenti's cell phone)
Sheriff: Yeah?
Isabel: Sheriff, she just took off! She just ran. Max and Michael are trying to catch her.
Sheriff: I'm on my way.
(The phone rings and Agent Duff answers)
Duff: Sheriff's department. What? Where?
(Laurie is running around erratically, screaming as she runs. Suddenly, Michael steps out and grabs her as she runs into him)
Michael: Hey, don't worry. I'm not gonna hurt you.
Laurie: No!
Michael: Settle down!
[brakes squealing]
Driver: Are you all right?
Laurie: Help me. Help me! The aliens are coming. Help me, they're coming! The aliens are coming.
(The police cars arrive on the scene)
Laurie: Oh, no.
Sheriff: Step back.
Laurie: At his house! The aliens came to his house! The aliens are at his house. He held me there so they can come get me.
Sheriff: People, walk away now. Let's go.
Laurie: He said I'd be safe, that I could trust him.
Sheriff: She doesn't know what she's talking about.
Laurie: He told me he'd protect me. I was hiding in his house. 14 Olive Street. Brown couch...brown couch, green curtains, green checkered...checkered wallpaper. The aliens are his friends.
Duff: Is this true? Was she there? Is this true?
(Sheriff Valenti doesn't answer)
Duff: Our arrangement is over, Sheriff.
(Later, at the Sheriff station, Duff fires some questions at Sheriff Valenti)
Duff: How'd you find her?
Sheriff: I didn't. She came to me.
Duff: And in that moment, a bell didn't go off in your head to call...I don't know, the police? Or here's a thought...me.
(Agent Duff places a recorder on the table and turns it on)
Duff: What's your relationship with the kids in this town, Sheriff?
Sheriff: You had your chance to ask questions when my lawyer was here.
(Agent Duff turns off the recorder)
Duff: You hindered an investigation. You will lose your job.
Sheriff: Agent Duff...I understand why you're coming down like this. And if I were in your shoes, I would do the same. But don't beat yourself up for trusting me. It may not look like it now, but I am one of the good guys.
(Back outside Liz's room, Alex and Liz are watching Alex's slides)
Liz: I just wish kyle would understand where Max is coming from.
Alex: Well, you know, I guess some things don't change in a month. Liz: It's too bad.
Alex: Ok. this is my host family, the Olsons, and they live in Uppsala which is just north of Stockholm, and that is Johan, Gustav, Rebecka, Mattias, and little Kiki.
Liz: You know, on the other hand, Kyle has every right to be angry. This is complicated. Sorry.
Alex: No problem.
Liz: Ok. Spill.
Alex: That's Leanna. Me and her have a long distance thing going. Hey, speaking of which, what is up with you and Sean de Luca?
Liz: That's gross!
Alex: No, come on. Don't lie to me, all right? I saw the two of you, and there was a twinkle.
Liz: No. No, I can assure you there's absolutely no twinkle. And what about you? That was pretty smooth playing it cool with Isabel last night. I think her interest was piqued.
Alex: Well, you know what? Isabel is great, but lusting after her is something the old Alex Whitman would do. The new Alex Whitman snowboarded on that very mountain...almost broke his wrist.
Liz: Do I know you?
Alex: Uh, well, yeah...yeah, you do. But I know what you mean. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself.
(Alex advances to the next slide and Liz gasps in awe)
Liz: Oh, my God.
Alex: Yeah, the northern lights. I can't describe it. Basically what it is is you're looking up there, and you're actually seeing electrons from the sun colliding with our atmosphere in every color you could possibly imagine. Really makes you realize what a big world is out there. All these...all these possibilities. All these...new experiences. Life. It's all just there...waiting for us. You really gotta travel, Liz. It's the most amazing thing.
Liz: Yeah. someday.
Alex: Right. When there's not so much goin' on.
(At school, Max goes up to Kyle)
Max: Can we talk?
Kyle: No.
Max: Look...I'm sorry about what's happening.
Kyle: There's gonna be a hearing. They might take away his job.
Max: Kyle, your dad has some stuff in his office, stuff that Michael found out at that burial site. It's alien. And if that agent starts poking around...
Kyle: You might be exposed? What a shame.
Max: Your father could be nailed for withholding evidence. It would only make things worse for him.
Kyle: So take care of it.
Max: I'm already on their radar. This is the safest way to do this. No one will think twice if you walk into that office. Kyle, we need your help.
(We see Liz waiting around in an empty room. Max comes in)
Max: I got your note. What's wrong?
Liz: Nothing. No. No, um...that's not true. Umm...I've just been thinking a lot lately, and...have you ever wanted to see Sweden?
Max: Sweden?
Liz: I mean or anywhere. Peru, Nigeria, New Zealand...
Max: Sure. But the closest I'm gonna get right now is the granilith chamber. Why?
Liz: Watching Alex this week...I just realized that...it's our right to see the world, to live our dreams...
Max: Liz, that can't happen.
Liz: Live life. Why?
Max: Because it doesn't work that way for us. You know that.
Liz: You and Isabel and Michael and Tess are...you guys are getting cheated on a lot of things, and it's not fair. None of it is.
Max: Liz, you...should get to see Sweden. We...I...hold you back.
Liz: No, Max.
Max: Kyle was right.
Liz: That's not true.
Max: Everyone we touch gets hurt in some way or another. 5 years from now, I don't want you to open your eyes and realize that...that you missed out. You're part of the group. You always will be. But you need to be allowed to...to grow.
Liz: Why can't you come with me?
Max: Because I can't. But I'll be watching you, Liz Parker. Wherever you go...and I'll be here when you get back.
(Kyle sneaks into his dad's office. He starts searching around and finds a glowing alien crystal hidden inside a tobacco bag. Agent Duff happens to open the door at that moment, startling him)
Duff: Kyle.
Kyle: Agent Duff.
Duff: You shouldn't be in here.
Kyle: I know. Uh...my dad's supposed to sign my report card. I gave it to him a week ago. It's due tomorrow.
Duff: You're sure it's here?
Kyle: Should be. Yeah.
Duff: What are you really looking for, Kyle?
(Kyle grabs a blank piece of paper in front of him and folds it in half)
Kyle: Here it is right in front of me.
Duff: Well, let's see how you're doing.
(Kyle hands over the piece of paper. Agent Duff looks it over and hands it back)
Duff: I didn't like trigonometry either.
(Kyle leaves the office and takes a look at the paper. It does look like a report card. Suddenly, the print starts to fade away. We see Tess waiting for him in the hallway)
Kyle: Oh! What are you doing here?
Tess: I figured you might need a little help.
Kyle: Don't ever use your mind freeze.
Tess: Warp.
Kyle: Whatever! Your creepy powers on me again! All right? Off limits!
Tess: You know, a simple thanks for saving my butt would be quiet sufficient.
Kyle: I mean it.
(Kyle and Tess leave)
(Meanwhile, Sheriff Valenti is sitting outside a room where the city council has met to decide what to do with him)
Judge: A town's reputation is made by those entrusted to enforce its laws and maintain order. Sheriff Valenti has shown of late that he can do neither. Therefore, it is the recommendation of the council that he be removed from office, effective immediately. All those in favor?
Council Members: Aye.
Judge: Opposed?
(No one objects)
Judge: So be it.
(Back at the Crashdown)
Sorry we're late. What's wrong? They fired Sheriff Valenti.
Max: No.
Isabel: They can't. They can't just fire a Sheriff.
Kyle: They can if they're the city council. In the past year, my dad and I have been put through an amazing amount of your crap. You and your Martian friends move in, take over, and obliterate any shred of normalcy. Our lives are no longer ours. Promise me you're gonna stay away from my family. Promise me this is the last time we have to put ourselves on the line for you.
Max: I can't.
(Kyle extends his hand, offering Max the bag with the alien substance inside. Max reaches out for it, but Kyle drops it on the groun and starts walking away)
(Back in Max's room, Michael is wondering how they can figure out what the alien substance is. Max and Isabel both look glum)
Michael: So how do we figure out what this is? Hey, paging the Evans.
Isabel: What's Valenti gonna do? You know, it's not like he can just go and be Sheriff somewhere else.
Max: He gave up everything for us.
Michael: He gave up a crappy job with low pay and long hours.
Max: Michael...
Michael: What? We were born into this cause. Valenti chose it. Let what he did be worth something.
Max: I think I have an old microscope in the closet. We know what our cells look like. If this stuff isn't from here and it's from out there, there should be similarities.
(Max sets up the microscope, gets a small sample of the substance from Michael, and then looks at it under the microscope)
Max: I don't believe this.
Michael: What?
Max: It looks like they're pulsating.
(It's the next morning. Sheriff Valenti is sleeping in bed. Someone starts knocking at his door. He grumbles and goes to answer the door)
Sheriff: Ohh...I told you before, Ethel, I don't want any of your damn pamphlets. Ouch!
(Sheriff Valenti opens the door to find Amy de Luca. She has a picnic basket with her)
Sheriff: Amy!
Amy: Cahoun Park has a power boat with our names all over it.
Sheriff: In january.
Amy: No lines!
Sheriff: Listen, I, uh...I appreciate the invite, Amy. I'm just kinda busy today, so...
Amy: Oh! Doin' what?
Sheriff: Gutters. I'm cleaning the gutters.
Amy: Really? Well, I'll help you out with that, then.
Sheriff: Oh, thanks...ha. But...it's all right.
Amy: Oh, cut it out, Jim. Let me be your friend. I have a killer potato salad in here, and it's not supposed to rain til the weekend.
(At the Crashdown, Liz delivers a plate of food to Sean)
Sean: You look like road kill.
Liz: You know, for your information, Sean, I had and I'm still having a really horrible day.
Sean: You wanna sit?
Liz: No. Thank you.
Sean: You need to write what's bothering you in mustard.
Liz: Excuse me?
Sean: Sit, sit, sit. Ahem. It's my aunt Amy's trick. You squirt it right there on that beautiful ground beef patty, chow down...problem's gone.
Liz: Don't tell me you did this in juvie.
Sean: It was harder. They had mustard packets. Here. Go ahead. I won't look.
(Liz grabs the mustard bottle and writes out "grow" on the hamburger and then takes a bite)
Sean: Better?
Liz: Mmm-hmm...a little bit.
(We see Amy and Jim sitting in a car)
Sheriff: Thanks for adopting me as your charity case today.
Amy: Oh, don't you dare do that. This had nothing to do with charity.
Sheriff: Yeah, sure.
Amy: I came to your house today, because I wanted to spend my day with a really good man...and a really good kisser.
(They kiss)
(Switch to the Valenti home. Kyle is looking around for something in the kitchen)
Tess: There's meat loaf in the bottom drawer.
Kyle: I found it.
Tess: My stuff's packed. I'll be gone after school.
Kyle: What?
Tess: Last night, when you said we'd moved in and taken over your life, I realized you were talking about me. I'm sorry I overstayed my welcome.
Kyle: Tess, don't leave.
Tess: It's ok, you know? You have the right to protect your family.
Kyle: You're part of the family I was trying to protect. As far as I can see, you're the only good thing about having an alien in my life.
Tess: Kyle?
Kyle: What?
Tess: You're definitely my favorite human.
Kyle: Yeah, well...you're my favorite Martian.
(Switch to the Pinecrest Psychiatric Hospital. Michael and Isabel are snooping around, trying to find out any information on Laurie Dupree. Michael blasts a window open)
Isabel: You know, you could have just used your foot.
Michael: I could have.
Isabel: Can you imagine being locked up in a place like this?
Michael: This would suck big.
Isabel: Ok...this just doesn't feel right, digging through the intimate details of these people's lives.
(Michael finds a file for Dupree)
Michael: Yes!
(He opens it and it's empty)
Michael: No.
(Isabel searches through some bags)
Isabel: Michael. They're full of personal belongings. Look, here...look at this. My God. That looks just like you!
Michael: It is me.
(Episode ends as the camera focuses in on an old picture of someone who looks exactly like Michael) | Plan: A: Sheriff Valenti; Q: Who is suspended from the force after refusing to answer the FBI's questions about Max and Isabel? A: things; Q: What does Sheriff Valenti find himself right back in the thick of? A: Laurie DuPree; Q: Who shows up at Sheriff Valenti's house claiming to be chased by aliens? Summary: Sheriff Valenti is suspended from the force after refusing to answer the FBI's questions about Max and Isabel, but he soon finds himself right back in the thick of things when Laurie DuPree shows up at his house claiming to be chased by aliens. |
Jimmy: My frame of reference for love has always come from literature. In my brooding youth, Bronte encapsulated my viewpoint thusly: "The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely." But as I grew up, my darkening view was more Shakespeare: "Love is merely a madness and I tell you, deserves as well a dark house and whip as mad men do." But now... now... since you... to my abject horror, my view on love can best be described by Nicholas Sparks in The Notebook: "It's not easy... it's hard... and you have to work at it, but it's worth it... because I want you... I want all of you... forever." Or something like that.
Becca: No.
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪ ♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪
Sam: ♪ I'm here ♪
Shitstain: Uh... uh... uh.
Sam: ♪ I think I saw a deer ♪
Honey Nutz: What?
Sam: ♪ I'm about to kill the deer ♪ ♪ And get some meat ♪
Shitstain: Uh... uh.
Sam: ♪ 'Cause I'm hungry. ♪ ♪ Everybody talking 'bout they homies ♪
Shitstain: What?
Sam: ♪ My chain bling, bling! ♪ ♪ Now these girls owe me... ♪
(Both sniffling, sighing)
Lindsay: Tomorrow... we meet with the flower guy... then we're tasting cakes, and then me and, uh...
Ugh...!
Gretchen: You don't know your fiancé's name?
Lindsay (Laughs): Of course I know his... don't be dumb. Paul! I'm just wired!
Gretchen: Call it off.
Lindsay: No way! You should've seen Becca's dumb face when I told her I was getting married before her and mom has never paid me so much attention. I should've gotten married when I was 12.
Gretchen: All right, you have to promise me something... cross your tits, hope to die... that even though you're getting m-m... married... we are gonna keep this party going, right? 'Cause this is how this starts. First, you get married, then you get some bullshit job, then you have kids and then you die. But what you don't know... is that you were dead the entire time.
Lindsay: I'm on a lot of drugs right now, can you not tell me I'm dead? I promise! I got to go pee.
Sam (Sighs): Ah... How was it?
Engineer: Oh, dope, Sam.
Sam: Not you, bitch.
Engineer: Oh.
Sam: You, bitch!
Gretchen: What? Oh, me? No... I'm just Rick's shitty assistant.
Sam: That Harvey Weinstein-on-antibiotics lookin' nerd couldn't be bothered to attend the final mix of my first major album?!
Gretchen: He sent muffins. Hey, can I ask you guys something? Is... that how you normally dress?
Shitstain: What, like, in our regular lives? Like when we go to the farmer's market?
Honey Nutz: Uh... Rick suggested that we cultivate a street-look.
Gretchen: What do you usually look like?
Sam: Annoying, white, skater kids from Venice at a rave.
Gretchen: Well, then... I don't know, maybe dress like that.
Sam: Tell Rick he's fired. You're our new publicist.
Gretchen: What, me? N-No... I'm not a... (Laughing) I'm not looking for a real job.
Sam: Tough sh1t, bitch! You in it now.
Steeb: I'm speaking with Jimmy Shive-Overly about his...
pugnacious debut novel, Congratulations, You're Dying.
Tell us about your writing process.
Jimmy: Rage, heartbreak... alcohol.
Steeb: Heartbreak?
Jimmy: I woke up one day and found myself happy. It was awful.
Steeb: Mm... Elucidate, please.
Jimmy: The lass eviscerated me, as lasses are wont to do. That was about a year and a half ago. Best thing she ever could have done for me.
Steeb: The book?
Jimmy: Yeah... 'Twas a result of that disemboweling. It was then I learned the truth of my writing. I suck when I'm happy.
Steeb: Mmm! You have to be miserable to produce?
Jimmy: Oh, I wouldn't say, "miserable," but I'd say constant horror and bone-deep dissatisfaction is helpful. Yeah.
Steeb: You're listening to Folio. I'm your host, Steeb Corniglia, here with the puissant Jimmy Shive-Overly. Jimmy, it seems to me endemic in your work, that the parental characters obfuscate by playing almost prosaic arpeggios on the central motif.
Jimmy: I'm glad you picked up on that.
Steeb: Mmm...
Edgar: How scary is America now... bitch?! Jimmy! Jimmy?
Jimmy: I don't have any change, I don't have any change!
Edgar: What? No. It's Edgar.
Jimmy: I used to buy weed from you.
Edgar: That's me.
Jimmy: Get off me!
Edgar: How's it going?
Jimmy: Yeah, great. I just got done doing a, uh, radio show about my new novel.
Edgar: That's awesome. I'm happy for you.
Jimmy: Thanks.
Edgar: Yeah.
Jimmy: You don't look so good. Here, I got something for you. Free of charge. I'll even sign it. So what's the latest?
Edgar: Actually, I got home from lraq and things have been... sort of hard, in terms of adjusting. And homelessness.
Jimmy: Well, hey, if things ever get really dire, I've got this chaise on my deck, you could always sleep there for a night.
Edgar: Awesome. Could, sh-should we, sh-should we go now or...?
Jimmy: Right, so if... things ever get really dire, the publisher's e-mail's in the back of the book. All right, bye. You son of a... bitch!
(Photographers clamoring)
Interviewer: Sam! Sam, Sam. Hey.
You guys recorded a song for the soundtrack, correct?
Sam: I don't know. Is it a song?
Interviewer: Right! Well, what do you make of the themes of the movie? I mean, it is at it's heart, a war movie.
Sam: Oh.
Is that the theme...?
Interviewer: Thanks.
Gretchen: The guys are so excited to have contributed to such an esteemed director's film and... you know where I'm going with this.
Just finish the quote for me.
(Ty clears throat)
Ty: Ty Wyland. The director.
That you were just talking about.
Gretchen: Where'd you get the drink?
(Ty laughs wryly) TY: I'll show you if you agree to get dinner with me sometime.
Gretchen: Yeah... dating's not really my thing.
Ty: Good. Me neither. So I'll call you in a couple weeks? Heading to lndia for a little bit.
Gretchen: Okay. I warned you.
Nestor: I'll call you.
Gretchen: Listen, Nestor, I am flattered, but I've been kind of seeing someone for about a year now. I'm actually on my way to his house right now. So I won't be coming over to your hotel. But, trust me, the guys are over the moon about the photo shoot. You are their favorite photographer by miles. Mm-hmm. Ciao. (Turns up volume)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Phone chimes)
Gretchen: Seriously?
Dude, I'm on my way to your house. Aw, sh1t. sh1t! sh1t.
(Dog barking in distance)
(Clanking, scraping)
(Indistinct police radio communication)
Gretchen: sh1t.
Jimmy: It's been a year! Where the hell are my royalties?
Because I need them to live off of. Yes, I know Junot Díaz writes for Esquire, but I am a novelist. Yeah, I'm-I'm working on the follow-up, but it's-it's slow going and... I'll talk to you later.
Edgar: I'm nervous, Jimmy. I-I haven't been to a big social event since I've been back. Are you sure they know I'm coming?
Jimmy: Yes. Get in.
Edgar: Are you sure... it's even a good idea that you go?
Jimmy: What's the worst I could do?
Edgar: Okay. Fine.
Jimmy: No, seriously, what is the worst I could do? I've been up all night working on my list of ways to ruin their wedding. I keep getting stuck around "Seduce the groom's mother."
Killian: Hi, new neighbors! Hi! Hello!
Lindsay: Were the other jail girls mean? Did any of them try to make out with you?
Gretchen: No. But one girl kept some pretty strong eye contact with me while she was on the toilet.
Paul: Well, we should vámonos, señoritas.
Gretchen: What'd you get them, anyway?
Lindsay: A food processor.
Gretchen: (Scoffs) I don't get it. Why does everyone feel the need to have these things, these, like, symbols of adulthood?
Like, a food processor? Why do you need this stuff?
Paul: That's an interesting question. I think, maybe, it means you're investing in your future. You may not use it every day or even very often at all, but knowing that at any moment you could make pesto without having to borrow a friend's or improvise some lesser method, that knowledge, that possibility, makes you an adult.
Lindsay: Plus, this one, it's, like, one level worse than ours, so Becca can never beat me. Bitch.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Man: ♪ Mm-hmm, hmm, hmm Yeah ♪ ♪ Aw, yeah... ♪
Wedding Coordinator: I'm sorry, Jimmy. You didn't include a name for your plus-one so we didn't hold the space.
Edgar: Jim-Jim... Um, I-I could help serve food or...
Jimmy: I put in two years penetrating the bride at least thrice weekly. I deserve to have a friend here.
Wedding Coordinator: I'll see what I can do.
Paul: Hey, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Sorry, have we met?
Paul: Okay. I get it. Shut the door on the former life. I think it's very brave of you to have come.
Jimmy: Mmm. Thanks. You.
Wedding Coordinator: Okay, I found you a seat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gretchen: One day all my L.A. friends were married, with houses and adult jobs, Instagramming every time they went to the ArcLight. So, basically, there's nothing keeping me here. And I figured if I want to move to New York, where I still have friends who aren't collecting their eggs in petri dishes, why not?
Bartender: So you don't want the drink?
Gretchen: So I am moving tomorrow. To New York. I'm not even gonna say good-bye to anyone. I hate good-byes.
Bartender: Leaving a whole city lrish, huh? That's hardcore.
Gretchen: Hey, what do you think a nice food processor goes for?
Bartender: I don't know. 400, 500 bucks?
Gretchen: Seriously? Sweet.
Edgar: So, uh, are you all... you all gonna have the nuggets or-or the mac and cheese? I can't decide. (Clears throat) So, what do you do?
Girl: I'm a child.
Edgar: Cool. Are we getting together after or... Cheers.
Jimmy: No, you're right. This day isn't about me, is it?
Becca: What were you gonna say?
Jimmy: Forget it.
Becca: No, I'm serious. I really want to know what does the brilliant Jimmy Shive-Overly think about me!
(Anxious laugh)
Jimmy: I'm not one for psychic thought or oracles, but, Rebecca...
(Quietly): you and I have not made love for the last time.
Vernon: Hey!
(Becca crying)
Paul: ...and, Vernon, to you, I just want to say, "Welcome to the family. It gets better."
Vernon: (Chuckles) What a dork.
Becca: I can't believe it took them two months to edit our wedding video.
Vernon: Dave did it for free.
Becca: Yeah, well, you get what you pay for.
Oh, I talked to Aunt Helen. She insists she got us a blender. You don't have to get us a wedding gift, but don't lie about it.
Lindsay: Um, anyway, I love you so much. And, remember, there is no shame whatsoever in getting married two years after your little sister. Siblings mature at different rates.
(Vernon laughs)
Becca: What a cooze.
Vernon: Paul, did you hear? Jimmy took a photo of his dingus on every one of our disposable cameras.
Paul: Seriously?
Vernon: Yeah.
What a classic heckle. Becca recognized it on account of it having been in her mouth so much.
Paul: Did you hear? They broke up.
Vernon: Who? Jimmy and Gretchen? No.
Becca: What?
Paul: Yeah. Gretchen's really upset. I can't say I'm that surprised. They're both quite spirited.
Vernon: Wow. That's a bummer. I should call him. He's probably waiting to hear from me. Let me get one of those?
Becca: These are pretty expensive.
Jimmy: Superman is aware that kryptonite is his kryptonite, and he keeps getting mixed up with it anyway. Women, romantic happiness, is my kryptonite. I got complacent being with Becca and produced shit-all. And the minute she left me twisting up on that hill with that ring... Bam, the book came to me. Whole cloth. And then... then I did it again. At that selfsame succubi's wedding, no less. And, no doubt, my work suffered being with Gretchen. And now, having broken up with her is guaranteed to release the words. In fact, I can feel all my creative juices returning to me already. I wouldn't be surprised if I started playing guitar again. Nope. Would not be surprised at all. Cheers, mate. This is normally where you make a weird non sequitur and I chastise you and continue talking.
Edgar: Yeah, well, with Gretchen, you've been actually kind of fun to be around, but if you're telling me that we're going back to you being a hundred percent dick so that you can write another stupid book I won't read? (Scoffs) Uh-uh. Unsubscribe.
Jimmy: Whoa, what are you doing? You never pay for drinks.
Edgar: I'm done owing you stuff, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Oh, sit down, man.
Edgar: Don't tell me what to do. You don't get to tell me what to do anymore!
Jimmy: It's PTSD. He's all right, he's fine.
Edgar: You know that night you met Gretchen? Do you remember how nervous I was to go to Becca's wedding? How crowds freak me out?
Jimmy: That was a lifetime ago.
Edgar: It was two months ago. You brought me as a prop and then forgot about me. I had to sit with a bunch of very condescending and unfriendly children who wouldn't even invite me to the after party. I'm going to get my stuff. I'll leave the keys on the table.
Jimmy: Wait. You didn't read my book?
Edgar: No way. It looked crazy boring.
Jimmy: Well, fine, go. You're only helping me. Now I'm even... even more alone.
Vernon: Hey, I got something for you.
Paul: What?
(Farts)
Paul: Oh!
Vernon: That's for you.
It's a gift, right from the heart.
Paul: Ugh.
(Car door shuts, engine starts)
Vernon: She left. Huh. Bitches be trippin'.
Speaking of bitches, where'd you say Lindsay was?
Paul: Comforting Gretchen after the breakup. Still.
Vernon: Sweet. Let's bust open some scotch and get dumb.
Paul: I really shouldn't. And didn't you say you have surgery in the morning?
Vernon: Come on, Paul. Don't be such a fa...
Sam: ♪ Part scorpion ♪
Singers: ♪ Uh-huh ♪
Sam: ♪ Part accordion ♪
Singers: ♪ Uh-huh ♪
Sam: ♪ Lord, according to Tom Ford, I'm born again ♪
(Honey Nutz and Shitstain whoop)
Sam: ♪ I'm a cash box drippin' full of fives and tens ♪ ♪ I'm the sarcophagus, the parasites, so put me in ♪
Shitstain: Let's go!
Honey Nutz: ♪ You in the Thunderdome, son, with the young one writin' a blank check like ♪ ♪ If my name was Young Gun ♪
Shitstain: ♪ Pass the iced tea, I'm parched, Middlemarch, cookie fart, false start, All parched... ♪
(Whoops)
(Both snorting)
Lindsay: Marriage is such bullshit. Why didn't you warn me?
Gretchen: The morning of your wedding, I said, "Lindsay, don't do this."
Lindsay: The girls are back.
Gretchen: Oh, thank God. I never told you... I was gonna move to New York after Becca's wedding.
Lindsay: What?
Gretchen: Yeah.
I was like, "Everyone's getting so serious about everything. Ooh, my marriage, my career, I have groceries." I was like, "Nothing's keeping me here, let's go."
Lindsay: Okay.
Gretchen: Okay what?
Lindsay: Let's go. Let's go. Gretchen, nothing's keeping me here, either.
Gretchen: Lindsay.
Lindsay: Think about it. We can do drugs and go to weird Puerto Rican dance halls and take so much New York dick that our pussies start talking like, (New York accent): "Oh, another one... fuggedaboutit." But they won't forget about it, Gretch, because we're just that memorable.
Gretchen: How much blow have you done?
Lindsay: Oh, my God, I'm so excited about this plan that I have to pee.
(Sam whoops, laughs)
Sam: Yo, what the hell are you doing?
Gretchen: Partying, what?
Sam: This is where we work.
Gretchen: Come on. This is where you do drugs and make up nonsense into the mic.
Sam: You know, you were actually a pretty good PR rep, there. But lately, your ass has been tragic. If Rick hadn't died in that Jet Ski accident his ass would be replacing you right now.
Gretchen: You do the same dumb stuff I do.
Sam: Bitch, I am 21. You're 30.
Lindsay: Hey, blood... (Giggles)
Should we live in a studio in New York? If we bang the same guys we only need one bed. Gretch, do coke off my titties.
Gretchen: I... I'm gonna go home.
Lindsay: With who, Shitstain? 'Cause I'll take the other one.
Gretchen: No, alone. This feels like someone else. I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna take a shower and I'm gonna figure out what I'm gonna do with my life. Maybe you should, too.
Lindsay: Are you goddamn kidding me? You always give me sh1t for being married and now I'm cheating on my husband and you bail? You always bail on me, and I'm sick of it.
Gretchen: I can only help myself, Linds, sorry.
Lindsay: Fine! I don't need you! You watch!
(Inhaling)
Jimmy: Come on. sh1t.
(Knocking on door)
Becca: Well, you were right, Jimmy.
Here I am.
Jimmy: Sorry?
Becca: Your prediction. At the wedding.
Jimmy: What are you talking about?
Becca: "You and I have not made love for the last time."
Jimmy: Why would you say that?
Becca: No, you said that. At my wedding.
Jimmy: I did? Well, that was quite a heckle.
Becca: Oh, shut up. Come on, let's go.
Jimmy: Becca, please... What are you doing?
Becca: Is this a joke? Are you not gonna have s*x with me?
Jimmy: Becca, you're married.
Becca: Oh, my God. You are a sociopath. I should've known. I-Is my entire life just a game to you?
Jimmy: Becca, please, why don't you just go home? Get some sleep. You look tired.
Becca: Oh, my God, are you...
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cat meows) (Purring)
(Jimmy blows air)
Jimmy: ♪ You and I... ♪
(Humming) ♪ Something, fly... Do, do, do ♪ ♪ With love for-for... Y-You ♪ ♪ I want to fly (Off-key): I want to fly Fly-y... ♪ ♪ Bom, bom, bom... ♪ ♪ Dun, dun Back, back, back... Home. ♪ | Plan: A: the events; Q: What is shown leading up to the present day? A: his new book; Q: What did Jimmy plug on a radio show? A: the homeless Edgar; Q: Who does Jimmy meet in an alley? A: a "gofer; Q: What was Gretchen sent to do at the recording studio? A: Sam Draper's; Q: Whose rap trio is Gretchen supposed to be a gofer for? A: Sam; Q: Who hires Gretchen to do his PR? A: the executive; Q: Who is Sam furious with for not showing up to the recording studio? A: his PR; Q: What does Sam hire Gretchen to do instead of the PR executive? A: movie openings; Q: Where does Gretchen go with the rappers? A: a well-known director; Q: Who is Ty? A: Ty; Q: Who is the director that Gretchen meets at a movie opening? A: a relationship; Q: What does Gretchen start with Ty? A: Becca's wedding; Q: What event did Gretchen miss because of her DUI arrest? A: Vernon; Q: Who did Becca want to pay back for ignoring her? A: the studio; Q: Where does Gretchen try to go back to doing drugs with Lindsay? A: her life; Q: What does Gretchen go back to her apartment to set right? A: rights; Q: What does Gretchen go back to her apartment to set to? Summary: Beginning with Jimmy's disastrous proposal to Becca a few years earlier, we see the events leading up to the present day. Emerging from a pretentious radio show interview where he plugged his new book, Jimmy meets the homeless Edgar in an alley and offers him a "lounger on the deck" not realizing that Edgar will accept the offer. Gretchen is hanging out and doing drugs with Lindsay at a recording studio, sent as a "gofer" by the PR executive handling Sam Draper's rap trio. Sam, who is furious with the executive for not showing up, hires her to do his PR instead. She attends movie openings with the rappers and meets a well-known director, Ty, with whom she starts a relationship fueled by drugs and booze. This results in her DUI arrest the day before Becca's wedding, where she meets Jimmy. After they break up, Becca tries to proposition Jimmy to pay Vernon back for ignoring her, but Jimmy turns her down. Edgar walks out on Jimmy, saying that while he was with Gretchen he was actually a "fun person". Gretchen tries to go back to doing drugs at the studio with Lindsay, but realizes it is not what she wants anymore. She goes back to her apartment to set it, and her life, to rights. Jimmy is left alone in his house, trying to write a novel or a song, but unable to do either. |
THE FACELESS ONES
by DAVID ELLIS and MALCOLM HULKE
first broadcast - 8th April 1967
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. GATWICK AIRPORT
(Gatwick Airport is a joy to some people, a pain to others and to the most of the British Public simply a way of getting from Point A to Point B. As the episode starts, we see the titles shown over a plane landing, some people boarding a plane, a radar dish, and a plane preparing to take off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. RUNWAY
(With its usual fare of being totally safety conscious and taking care of its crew, the TARDIS lands right in the middle of a runway! After it has landed two people walk outside. The first of the four out of the TARDIS is JAMIE and as he leaves he ducks down instinctively as an aeroplane roars overhead. He holds on to the DOCTOR, who is the next one of the TARDIS.)
JAMIE: It's a flying beastie!
(What JAMIE is referring to is a large aeroplane coming into land on the runway which has now got a whacking big police telephone box on it. The DOCTOR sees the danger and start to drag JAMIE away. Two other people come out of the TARDIS - a man and a woman. The doors close behind them. BEN and POLLY take one look at the aeroplane that is rushing towards them and leg it after the DOCTOR and JAMIE. Behind them, the pilot of the plane has managed to pull it up into the air again, just missing the TARDIS and the four travellers.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. NEAR THE RUNWAY
(A policeman, on patrol, suddenly sees the travellers as they run off the runway.)
POLICEMAN: Hey, you! Stop!
DOCTOR: (To the others.) Scatter!
(The TARDIS crew all run off in different directions and the policeman, seeing that BEN is the closest to him, starts running off after him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM
(The COMMANDANT (the manager of the Airport) is listening with an expression of icy disbelief to one of his subordinates, a traffic controller called MEADOWS.)
COMMANDANT: (Incredulously.) The pilot said what?
MEADOWS: (Desperately.) A police box on the runway.
COMMANDANT: A likely story. Tell him to get back in the stack and await further instructions.
MEADOWS: Yes sir.
(The COMMANDANT turns to his assistant and he marches over to the big desk in the corner of the control room. His assistant, JEAN ROCK, is already dialling a number. She is an attractive, sensible-looking young woman with short fair hair.)
COMMANDANT: Miss Rock, get the Airport Police.
(We close in on MEADOWS as he sends out a message to the plane that nearly crashed with the TARDIS.)
MEADOWS: Gatwick Control to Sugar Delta X-Ray? Return to stack.
COMMANDANT: Police? Commandant here. In-bound aircraft reports obstruction on intersection of Runways Five and Two. Investigate and report back. Police Box!
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. AIRPORT POLICE BUILDING
(We see two policemen come out of the building and then drive off on their motorbikes... and later they take the TARDIS and drive off with it on the back of a lorry...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. ANOTHER PART OF THE AIRPORT
(We see the policeman have a look around and BEN, hiding behind the door to a building, sees the policeman and hides again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. BEHIND A PLANE
(The DOCTOR and JAMIE are each hiding beneath the two enormous wheels of a grounded airliner.)
DOCTOR: Jamie, come over here with me. Come on.
(JAMIE runs over to join him. The DOCTOR looks round. The others are nowhere to be seen. However, there are lots more policemen in sight now, zooming about the airport perimeter on motorbikes, patrolling the scattering of airport buildings on foot. The DOCTOR sighs, little knowing that for one of their party there was far more serious trouble on the way...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. CHAMELEON HANGAR
(As a policeman turns the corner of the building, POLLY ducks through the nearest open doorway and finds herself in the shadowy gloom of what looks like a little hangar that has been converted to a combined store-room and office. Shelves line the walls, filled with a mixed clutter of papers, files, cans of oil and aircraft spare parts. There are crates scattered about the floor, and POLLY ducks behind one of the largest as she hears footsteps and voices coming towards her. Peering round the edge of the crate, she sees an angry-looking young man in a light grey suit striding determinedly towards the door by which she entered. He is clutching a large buff envelope as if it was something very important to him. Hurrying in pursuit is a dark, rather sinister-looking man. He has a gloomy and almost haunted face and he wears the dark blue uniform of an airline pilot. The pilot is called SPENCER.)
SPENCER: Just a minute.
(The grey-suited man pauses and turns.)
SPENCER: Give me that envelope!
(Ignoring him, the man starts moving towards the door.)
SPENCER: I would advise you to stop!
(SPENCER draws some kind of pistol from his pocket. The grey-suited man turns again, sees the weapon and turns to run for the door. Instantly the pilot fires. Light seems to flash from the gun and the man with the envelope spins round, clutching at his neck. He screams once, horribly, and then falls to the ground. Snatching the envelope from the fallen man's clutch, SPENCER takes a blanket from a nearby shelf, tosses it carelessly over the body, then turns and mounts a couple of steps that lead to a raised, enclosed inner area at the rear of the hangar.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, INNER ROOM
(The small room is a tiny cluttered office holding little more than a table a chair and a telephone. On the rear wall rows of shelves hold maps, charts and flight manuals all jumbled together. SPENCER goes over to the wall, touches a hidden control and the entire wall slides back, revealing a kind of mini-control room beyond, its wall crammed with instrument consoles and monitor screens. SPENCER goes inside and the door closes behind him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, SECRET ROOM
(Once inside, he leans forward and operates some controls. One of the monitor screens comes to life showing a head and shoulders view of a fair-haired man with a broad, somehow cat-like face and hooded eyes.)
SPENCER: Can you come quickly? Trouble.
BLADE: (OOV.) Trouble? What happened?
(There is a sort of languid arrogance in his voice.)
SPENCER: The postcards. Someone found them.
BLADE: (OOV.) Right.
(The screen goes dark. The man in the control room turns his attention to another monitor which seems to have switched on automatically. This one shows POLLY, kneeling by the body, examining it...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR
(As SPENCER comes charging down the steps POLLY hears him coming, straightens up, and sprints through the open door. SPENCER hurries after her. From the doorway he sees her running frantically across the Tarmac. Making no attempt to give chase, SPENCER draws the compact little weapon from his pocket and takes careful aim. Just as he was about to fire, a motorcycle policeman zooms into view. Hurriedly pocketing the weapon, SPENCER turns and hurries back into the hangar.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. ANOTHER BUILDING
(BEN has eluded his pursuer, and is lurking behind one of the airport's out-buildings wondering what to do next. Suddenly a lorry drives past. Perched on the back of the lorry, which is escorted by motorcycle police, is the TARDIS. BEN looks on helplessly, as the lorry is being followed by a pair of policeman on motorbikes. One of the policeman seems to be instructing the others, with hand signals, to put the TARDIS there - but we don't see what happens next...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM
COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) All right, all right. So you dumped it by number four hangar, but what was it?
(He is told.)
COMMANDANT: It was a police box? (To JEAN) Get me the police chief.
COMMANDANT: (To others in control room.) All right you can bring those planes down now, the obstruction's been cleared.
MEADOWS: Right, sir.
(JEAN picks up the phone and begins dialling.)
JEAN: Do you think it was some kind of practical joke, sir? Students or maybe someone?
COMMANDANT: Well, whoever it was they're going to pay for it as soon as I get my hands on them. I'm not going to have the lives of passengers endangered by practical jokers or anyone else.
(JEAN is now talking into the phone.)
JEAN: Superintendent Reynolds? I have the Commandant for you.
(She gives the phone to the COMMANDANT.)
JEAN: The chief of police.
COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Listen, what's all this about a police box on the runway?
(He breaks off at the sound of the angry voice at the other end of the line. For once the COMMANDANT is dealing with someone equally as forceful as himself.)
COMMANDANT: Oh. Well, security's got to be tightened up all round.
(Turns to JEAN as he puts the phone down.)
COMMANDANT: He reports that four suspects were seen running away from it.
JEAN: Did they catch them?
COMMANDANT: No, idiot of a policeman lost them. They're probably miles away by now. Get me Immigration. Tell them to let me know if any suspicious characters are seen wherever.
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. BEHIND PLANE
(The hunt seems to have moved away from their area and the DOCTOR and JAMIE have emerged cautiously from hiding and are making their way past the scattered airport building in this relatively quiet corner of the field. Suddenly JAMIE points as a familiar blonde-haired figure comes round the corner of one of the buildings.)
JAMIE: There's Polly!
DOCTOR: Polly! Over here!
(POLLY runs over to them.)
POLLY: Doctor, I... I've just seen a man killed.
(Instinctively JAMIE glances upwards.)
JAMIE: By one of the beasties?
POLLY: No, no. He was murdered by another man.
DOCTOR: Get your breath, Polly, and tell us exactly what happened.
POLLY: Well, I went into the hangar, to get away from a policeman. And there were two men in there. One of them had a gun and he shot the other one.
DOCTOR: The murderer, did he see you?
POLLY: Well he chased me, but I... I managed to lose him.
DOCTOR: Could you find this hangar again?
(POLLY gestures in the direction from which she has come.)
POLLY: Well I... I think so, I remember the name. It was Chameleon something-or-other...
(She looks round.)
POLLY: Hey, where's Ben?
DOCTOR: We haven't seen him. Come on, let's find this hangar.
POLLY: But listen, the man with the gun. He'll be looking for me!
JAMIE: Ah, we'll look after you. Now come on.
POLLY: But where's... what about Ben?
JAMIE: Aye, we'll find him. Come on.
(They move away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR
(When SPENCER returns from his attempt to catch, or rather kill, POLLY, he finds BLADE standing over the body, staring down at it. He looks up as SPENCER enters.)
BLADE: Who was he?
SPENCER: He found the postcards.
BLADE: His name?
SPENCER: I don't know. I caught him in the office. He found evidence. I had to stop him.
(BLADE looks at him for a moment then kneels beside the body, going through its pockets with swift efficiency, removing all identification. He straightens up, a little folder in his hand.)
BLADE: You killed Detective Inspector Gascoigne. A policeman.
SPENCER: Do you think a parent sent him?
BLADE: Possibly. It's doesn't matter The important thing is that nobody should find him. Arrange disposal.
(SPENCER turns, making for the inner office. Tossing the blanket back over the corpse and looking at the postcards, BLADE follows. They both pass through the little office and through into the secret control room beyond.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, SECRET ROOM
(By the time BLADE comes in, SPENCER is talking to someone over the communication console.)
SPENCER: All right. Get it over here as quickly as possible.
(He turns to BLADE.)
SPENCER: A container is on the way.
BLADE: Right.
(He holds out the dead man's wallet, warrant card, and various other papers of identification.)
BLADE: Destroy this.
(As SPENCER takes the papers BLADE points to three suitcases stacked in the corner of the little control room.)
BLADE: Why have you left those suitcases there?
SPENCER: The detective... He interrupted me.
(Once again, BLADE just looks impassively at him. Hurriedly SPENCER touches a control and a panel in the wall slides back. One by one he thrusts the suitcases through, and there is a faint rumble as the automatic conveyor belt bears them away. As the last suitcase disappears, a warning signal sounds and the spy monitor lights up. This time it shows the DOCTOR, JAMIE & POLLY standing over the body.)
BLADE: Spencer!
(The voices of the new arrivals come through a speaker.)
POLLY: (Pointing at the body.) Look. And the bloke came out of that door there.
(She points the door out and the DOCTOR charges over to have a look about.)
DOCTOR: Is it locked? Is anyone in there?
(The DOCTOR examines the door.)
DOCTOR: No, its locked. There's nobody there.
(He checks the body.)
DOCTOR: Polly, this man that killed him. Would you recognise him again?
POLLY: Well, yes. He chased me. I'd recognise him anywhere.
(BLADE looks at SPENCER.)
BLADE: (Dispassionately.) Fool!
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR
(The DOCTOR kneels beside the body again, examining it. He looks up.)
DOCTOR: Polly, how do you say he was killed?
POLLY: With a gun.
DOCTOR: Can you describe it to me?
POLLY: No. It was... it was too far away. Why?
DOCTOR: This man was electrocuted. His clothes are all scorched!
POLLY: It was definitely some kind of a gun, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Maybe. But not one that's not been developed yet on this planet.
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. SECRET ROOM
(BLADE looks at the scruffy little figure on the monitor.)
BLADE: This man they call Doctor... Where does he get his knowledge?
SPENCER: He looks like a normal being.
(There is a suggestion of contempt in his voice, as if a human being is something of very little account.)
BLADE: More intelligent then most. He is a threat to our operation.
SPENCER: I'll kill him.
BLADE: No. Get the girl. She can identify you. We can deal with the man later.
SPENCER: He may talk.
BLADE: So? Nobody will believe him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. HANGAR
(Carefully the DOCTOR spreads the blanket over the body.)
DOCTOR: We must report this to the authorities.
JAMIE: That man who chased us, we could find him maybe.
DOCTOR: What, the policeman? Oh, no, no, Jamie. We must find the man in charge in this place.
(POLLY looks at the body.)
POLLY: But what about him? We can't just leave him here.
DOCTOR: (Practically.) There's nothing else we can do. Now, let's find the main airport building. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. AIRFIELD NEAR THE HANGAR
(SPENCER waits... A moment later, he sees first the older man pass by, and then the young lad.)
JAMIE: Are you sure this is the right way, Doctor?
DOCTOR: This seems to be leading to the main airport building.
(As POLLY comes by he grabs her from behind and clamps a hand over her mouth to prevent her crying out. SPENCER points a silvery pen-like device at POLLY, and she suddenly becomes still, staring dazedly ahead of her. As he drags the girl back towards the inner control room, the DOCTOR and JAMIE stride on, unaware, for the moment, that their little group has suddenly diminished...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. HANGAR
(After a moment POLLY seems to recover a little.)
POLLY: Oh, what happened to me?
(SPENCER puts away the device and produces his gun.)
SPENCER: A temporary disablement. You'll be back to normal any second now. Up.
(He gestures with the gun, and POLLY follows him up the steps to the raised area.)
POLLY: Where are you taking me?
SPENCER: You'll soon find out.
(SPENCER takes her, still dazed and unresisting through into the office, and then through the secret panel into the inner control room where BLADE is waiting.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22. SECRET ROOM
SPENCER: I've got her.
BLADE: Excellent. Did anybody see you this time?
SPENCER: She was following behind her friends and but they didn't notice.
POLLY: (Defiantly.) They'll come looking for me.
BLADE: Sit down.
(She is shoved into a chair. POLLY glares at them.)
POLLY: Murderers!
BLADE: You'll have to show us some respect, and answer my questions. Which airline do you work for?
POLLY: I don't understand.
BLADE: You must belong to some airline or the airport authority to be in this part of the airport.
POLLY: I've got nothing to do with the airport. We'd just arrived. We were lost. I was trying to find someone to help me and... I saw him kill a man.
SPENCER: You say you'd just arrived? How did you get here?
BLADE: We'll gain nothing by questioning her. The important thing is that we've got her.
POLLY: You don't think my friends are just going to forget me like that, do you?
(The signal sounds again, and the two men look at the spy monitor. Following their gaze, POLLY sees a baffled-looking DOCTOR and JAMIE staring about the hangar. She hears JAMIE's voice.)
JAMIE: I don't understand it, Doctor. Polly's nowhere to be seen. Something must have happened to her.
DOCTOR: It's locked Jamie. There's nobody there.
(Seeing that the two men are absorbed in watching the picture on the screen, POLLY makes a hopeless dash for the sliding door. Long before she reaches it, however, SPENCER grabs her again, putting his hand once more over her mouth. POLLY struggles furiously, but without the slightest effect. The tall, thin man seemed to be inhumanly strong. Abandoning her efforts, POLLY stands still. She hears the DOCTOR's voice coming through a speaker...)
DOCTOR: I'm afraid we're wasting our time here, Jamie. The sooner we find the authorities and tell it all to them, the better. Come on.
(BLADE switches off the monitor and looks thoughtfully at POLLY.)
BLADE: Yes, you're right. Your friends are worried about you. Well then we shall have to do something to stop them worrying...
(He smiles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23. IMMIGRATION
(The DOCTOR and JAMIE eventually enter the building and find themselves at the tail-end of a scurrying group of people. Hopefully the DOCTOR begins to follow them.)
DOCTOR: This seems to be the way, Jamie!
(The moving group stretches out, slows down and turns into a queue, moving slowly through the barrel of the immigration desk ahead, where an Official is checking passports and passing the passengers through one by one. The DOCTOR charges up to the desk where the Official is checking a lady's passport.)
DOCTOR: Excuse me, we're looking for someone in authority.
(The passport official, a bored young man called JENKINS, speaks without looking up from the passport he is examining.)
JENKINS: Just a moment, sir. All in good time.
(Deciding that the plump middle-aged lady in front of him probably isn't the head of the KGB in disguise, JENKINS hands her back her passport and waves her on.)
JENKINS: Thank you, Madam.
(He looks up at the DOCTOR.)
JENKINS: Now sir, your passport please.
DOCTOR: I've got no time for that. We want to see someone in authority!
JENKINS: I am in authority. Your passport please.
DOCTOR: You don't understand, we... we have something important to report!
JENKINS: Yes, sir. When you've found your passport.
(He beckons to the next passenger.)
JENKINS: The next one, please.
JAMIE: What's a passport, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Oh, some sort of official mumbo-jumbo.
(He shoves his way back to JENKINS' desk.)
DOCTOR: Look! We've just discovered a dead body out there!
(The DOCTOR waves vaguely in the direction of the airfield.)
DOCTOR: Did you hear me?
(JENKINS is unperturbed.)
JENKINS: Well, sir. If I were you I'd inform the police.
DOCTOR: Then please tell me where we can find them.
JENKINS: There's probably a policeman in the main concourse,
DOCTOR: And where is that?
JENKINS: Through this door and turn to your left.
(JENKINS points past his own barrier.)
DOCTOR: Well thank you. Thank you very much. Come on Jamie.
(As he moves forward, JENKINS puts out his arm, barring his way.)
JENKINS: May I see your passport, sir!?
DOCTOR: (Snaps.) We neither of us have passports! Now does that satisfy you?
JENKINS: I think you must be mistaken, sir. You couldn't have got on the aircraft without passports.
DOCTOR: What aircraft?
JENKINS: The one you arrived on, sir.
JAMIE: We didn't arrive on an aircraft.
JENKINS: Now look here sir, this joke has gone on far enough. You know and I know that you must have arrived here on the last inbound flight which was... Flight number 729 from Madrid.
(JAMIE promptly makes matters worse.)
JAMIE: Can we not tell him about TARDIS?
(The DOCTOR stamps on his foot.)
JENKINS: What's that?
JAMIE: It's the way we got here.
(JENKINS looks at the odd-looking pair, a suspicion forming in his mind.)
JENKINS: You gentlemen wouldn't know anything about a police box, would you?
JAMIE: That's just what I'm saying. We're...
(He breaks off again as the DOCTOR kicks him hard on the ankle, but the damage is done. JENKINS is already reaching for his phone.)
DOCTOR: I really think that our mode of conveyance is irrelevant. The important thing is that we've discovered a dead body out there and we want to report it to someone in authority.
JENKINS: I think you'll have plenty of opportunity to see someone in authority.
DOCTOR: Well thank you.
JENKINS: Will you take a seat please over there?
(He points to a wall bench, and resignedly the DOCTOR leads JAMIE over to it.)
DOCTOR: Thank you very much.
(JENKINS snatches up his phone and dials.)
JENKINS: (Into phone.) Give me the Commandant, please... Hello, sir, Jenkins here. Immigration, Desk Number Five. I think I've got two of your suspects here...
[SCENE_BREAK]
24. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR
(After a good deal of wandering around the airport, BEN has come full circle and finds himself outside the little hangar with a sign reading Chameleon Tours over the door. Unaware that he is following in POLLY's footsteps, he moves cautiously inside. Inside we can see BLADE hitting some nails into a large crate. And he has just gone into the inner room when BEN appears.)
BEN: Anyone here? There's someone around. Anyone here?
(As BEN stares about at him in puzzlement, he is startled to hear a voice speak from the doorway not knowing that BLADE is watching them both.)
JEAN: Oh! Hello! Captain Blade about?
(A girl stands in the doorway. BLADE comes forward.)
BEN: I don't know. I'm a bit lost.
BLADE: You're looking for me?
JEAN: Yes, I have your flight schedules here. They're all in order.
(BLADE takes the sheaf of documents.)
BLADE: Thank you.
(With a friendly nod to BEN, the girl disappears.)
JEAN: Goodbye.
(BLADE turns round, his face cold and hostile.)
BLADE: And what do you want?
BEN: I'm looking for the way out, mate.
BLADE: This is private property. Visitors are not welcome. Do you belong to the airport staff?
BEN: Yeah, I started today. But I didn't mean to come in here. I just got lost, see.
BLADE: Are you sure?
BEN: Of course I am. Look, are you going to direct me or not?
(The man called BLADE looks at BEN with an expression of ironic amusement as though he doesn't believe a word BEN is saying but is quite unconcerned about it.)
BLADE: Yes, of course. Come on, I'll show you the way.
[SCENE_BREAK]
25. IMMIGRATION
(The COMMANDANT fixes the DOCTOR with a look of steely disbelief.)
COMMANDANT: You say this girl actually witnessed a murder?
DOCTOR: Yes, she saw the man killed.
JAMIE: He was electrocuted, with a ray gun!
(Once again, JAMIE's well-meaning intervention does far more harm than good. The COMMANDANT stares at him.)
COMMANDANT: A what?
DOCTOR: What does it matter what sort of gun. The point is he was killed and my friend saw it happen!
COMMANDANT: Where is she? I'd like to talk to her.
JAMIE: Well that's another thing, She's vanished.
COMMANDANT: Oh, people who vanish. Ray guns! Is this some sort of joke?
DOCTOR: (Indignantly.) You wouldn't think it a joke if you'd come and see the body.
(The COMMANDANT looks at JENKINS.)
COMMANDANT: What flight did these people come in on?
JENKINS: Well sir, they came with the passengers from Flight 729 from Madrid. But they've no passports.
(Immediately the COMMANDANT seizes upon this new offence.)
COMMANDANT: Perhaps you kindly explain why you have no passports?
(The DOCTOR draws himself up to his not very impressive height and speaks in a loud, firm voice.)
DOCTOR: Oh look, we're all wasting time! Now, are you going to come and see that body, or am I going to find someone who really is in charge in this place?
(The COMMANDANT rises to the challenge.)
COMMANDANT: I am in charge in this place, thank you! Now, you'll both accompany me to this hangar, immediately.
DOCTOR: Thank you. Thank you very much. At last!
(He is being ordered, to do exactly what he'd wanted to do all along. Still, as long as they get there...)
COMMANDANT: (To JENKINS.) Tell Air Traffic Control where I am.
JENKINS: Yes, sir.
(His face saved and his authority restored, the COMMANDANT waves the DOCTOR and JAMIE back the way they had come and follows after them. JENKINS watches them go and then picks up the phone and dials...)
JENKINS: Immigration Desk Number Five, here. Number One's just gone to the hangar area and he wanted me to let you know. As a matter of fact, he has just gone to look for a dead body...
(He listens to the voice at the other end for a moment, then grins.)
JENKINS: Yes, It's going to be one of those days, isn't it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
26. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, SECRET ROOM
(BLADE takes a postcard, bearing a picture of the Eiffel Tower from a stack, takes a French postage stamp from a sheet, sticks the stamp onto the postcard and then puts the card onto another stack. He reaches for another postcard, another stamp. The sliding door opens and SPENCER comes in.)
BLADE: Get her?
SPENCER: She's being processed. They can take another on the next flight.
BLADE: Excellent.
(BLADE rises and goes to a tall green cabinet that occupies the whole of one corner of the little control room. It gives off a faint, almost, inaudible hum, like a refrigerator. BLADE takes a small plastic box from the top of the cabinet, opens it and takes out a large hypodermic. He opens the door of the cabinet and an arm flops out, dangling lifelessly. The arm ends in a blobby shapeless hand with fingers like sausages. Lifting the arm, BLADE makes a careful injection into the veins above the wrist. Then he tucks the arm back into the compartment and closes the door. Suddenly the warning note sounds and the spy monitor comes to life. A little group of people appears on the screen...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
27. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR
(JAMIE stares blankly down at the spot where they had found the body.)
JAMIE: The body! It... it's gone!
COMMANDANT: (Sarcastically.) You're quite sure you got the right hangar?
JAMIE: Aye, the name's up outside. The body was lying just here!
DOCTOR: Well, let's see what we have got, shall we?
(He rummages in his pockets and produces a large magnifying glass, a pair of tweezers and an envelope. Kneeling down, he examines the dusty floor through the magnifying glass and picks something up with tweezers. The COMMANDANT regards him with weary exasperation.)
COMMANDANT: What exactly are you doing?
DOCTOR: For the police of course. The trouble is, I can't tell them who he was.
COMMANDANT: Some sort of mystery man, no doubt?
(Impervious to the COMMANDANT's sarcasm, the DOCTOR nods eagerly.)
DOCTOR: Yes, as a matter of fact he was. There was nothing in his pockets to identify him.
COMMANDANT: Oh, a man with nothing in his pockets?
DOCTOR: Yes, I was rather surprised myself. Hmm. No, wait a minute, there was one thing...
COMMANDANT: What did he have in his pocket?
(The DOCTOR fishes in his top pocket and hands something to the COMMANDANT.)
DOCTOR: This!
COMMANDANT: A postage stamp?
DOCTOR: Ah, but it's Spanish, and it hasn't been used!
COMMANDANT: Oh, I am sure that'll make all the difference?
DOCTOR: Exactly!
(He resumes his examination of the floor.)
DOCTOR: Hello, this is interesting!
COMMANDANT: What have you found now?
DOCTOR: It's burnt fibres!
(Carefully the DOCTOR puts the tiny charred shreds of cloth into his envelope. JAMIE is examining the side of a packing case close to the spot where they'd found the body.)
JAMIE: What about this, Doctor? This wasn't here before. It's a burn mark.
(The DOCTOR studies the side of the packing case.)
DOCTOR: You're right, Jamie. That's quite new. Hmm. Well it's good to see someone is using their intelligence.
(The DOCTOR glares reproachfully at the COMMANDANT. By now the COMMANDANT has had more than enough.)
COMMANDANT: Oh, I've had enough of this. You two are coming with me.
(But the DOCTOR isn't listening. He is absorbed in the study of the burn mark.)
DOCTOR: That was definitely made by a ray gun.
COMMANDANT: (Just holding on to his temper.) Ray gun, burnt fibres, foreign stamps...
DOCTOR: Unused foreign stamps.
COMMANDANT: All right, unused foreign stamps. I must be as mad as you are even to be listening you!
(The DOCTOR gets up, and thoughtfully wipes his hands on his voluminous handkerchief.)
DOCTOR: You know what they've done with it, don't you?
COMMANDANT: Done with what?
DOCTOR: The body. Somewhere there's a large packing case.
(JAMIE points at...)
JAMIE: Right behind you, Doctor!
(The packing case to which JAMIE is pointing stands in a gloomy corner of the hangar. It is long and low and ominously coffin-like in shape. The DOCTOR hurries over to it. He begins heaving at the lid, but it is firmly nailed down. Suddenly a man in pilot's uniform appears from the inner office. He watches the DOCTOR's efforts for a moment.)
BLADE: (Politely.) Can I help you?
COMMANDANT: Are you connected with Chameleon Tours?
BLADE: Yes. I'm Captain Blade, Chief Pilot.
(The COMMANDANT waves towards the DOCTOR and JAMIE.)
COMMANDANT: Ah, these gentlemen seem to think there's an incident happened in here.
BLADE: An incident?
(Feeling like a complete idiot the COMMANDANT says awkwardly.)
COMMANDANT: Would you mind if we had a look in this packing case?
(BLADE looks puzzled.)
BLADE: May I ask who you are?
COMMANDANT: I'm the Commandant.
BLADE: Yes, of course.
(He takes a crowbar from a nearby shelf, prizes off the nails holding down the lid one by one.)
BLADE: What you expect to find?
JAMIE: A dead man!
BLADE: How very interesting.
(BLADE gives him an amused look, and lifts off the packing case lid with a flourish. Everybody crowds round eagerly. The case is filled with plastic cups, thousands of them, neatly stacked in long rolls, one inside the other. The COMMANDANT takes out a cup, glares at it, then throws it back in the case.)
COMMANDANT: Plastic cups!
(He turns angrily to the DOCTOR.)
COMMANDANT: Now, I'm going to do some investigating of my own.
DOCTOR: (Brightly.) I'm glad I've roused your interest.
COMMANDANT: (Furiously.) Oh, but you have. And what I am going to investigate is you and why you're both here in the Airport. (To BLADE) Thank you, Captain Blade. (To the DOCTOR and JAMIE) Come on, you two, out!
(The DOCTOR sighs.)
DOCTOR: Come on, Jamie. We'd better humour him.
(They follow the COMMANDANT from the hangar. BLADE waits long enough to ensure that they are well clear of the hangar then turns...)
BLADE: (Calls.) Bring him down!
(SPENCER appears, leading a shambling figure by the elbow. It wears a long pilot's overcoat, the collar turned high, and a pilot's cap pulled low. The peak of the cap shades the upper part of the face, and a white silk scarf conceals the lower part. BLADE comes forward and takes the muffled figure's other elbow and helps it to negotiate the stairs. The figure stumbles and reaches out, clasping the rail with a shapeless hand.)
BLADE: All right?
(The muffled head nods slowly. Moving with painful slowness and guided by its two helpers, the figure moves down the steps and across the hangar towards the door.)
SPENCER: Will he survive?
BLADE: If we hurry.
SPENCER: There you are. We've got to get you to the Airport Building and... you'll be safe.
BLADE: He's reaching suffocation point. Hurry!
(Moving as quickly as they can, they lead the shambling figure towards the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28. IMMIGRATION
(THE DOCTOR, JAMIE & COMMANDANT are back at the Immigration desk, where a somewhat bemused JENKINS is still on duty. The DOCTOR is still protesting...)
DOCTOR: If you'd had let me search the place properly...
COMMANDANT: That hangar is leased to a private charter company. I've no right to search in there, let alone you. Now, will you kindly sit down and keep quiet!
(He turns to JENKINS.)
COMMANDANT: Jenkins, get on to Superintendent Reynolds. Yeah, this is his job - these people are trespassing.
JENKINS: I've just got another flight coming through, sir.
(They can already hear the sound of many footsteps coming towards the desk.)
COMMANDANT: Oh, all right, I'll do it.
(He picks up JENKINS's phone. The DOCTOR and JAMIE are sitting glumly on the same wall-bench as before when the first passengers begin arriving at the desk. Suddenly JAMIE grabs the DOCTOR's arm.)
JAMIE: Doctor, look!
(The DOCTOR looks. POLLY is walking towards the desk with other passengers. The DOCTOR jumps to his feet, interrupting the COMMANDANT's call.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
29. AIRPORT CONCOURSE
(Steering and supporting the muffled figure between them, SPENCER and BLADE make their way across the Tarmac and into the main airport building. They guide their shambling charge along the corridors, up an escalator, across the main concourse...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30. IMMIGRATION
DOCTOR: (Happy.) Commandant, this is the girl I was telling you about.
(POLLY gives him a puzzled look.)
POLLY: I beg your pardon?
(The COMMANDANT indicates the DOCTOR and JAMIE, who has come over to join him.)
COMMANDANT: Do you know these gentlemen?
POLLY: No. Why? Should I?
COMMANDANT: According to them, they know you.
(The DOCTOR gives POLLY a reproachful look.)
DOCTOR: Now where have you been, Polly?
(POLLY stares at him in astonishment.)
POLLY: Polly? My name isn't Polly. You must have made a mistake. I've never seen them before in my life!
(JAMIE and the DOCTOR look at each other with puzzled faces.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
31. MEDICAL CENTRE
(BLADE and SPENCER take their friend through a set of automatic glass doors marked Medical Centre. They lead their charge through the foyer and BLADE unlocks a door to an inner room, which is furnished with couches and examination tables. They help the figure to sit on one of the low tables and BLADE takes off the cap and scarf, revealing the creature's head, which we can only see from the back... There are no features - no hair etc... It is like a completely blank sphere, across which run pulsating veins...) | Plan: A: the runway; Q: Where does the TARDIS materialize at Gatwick Airport? A: Polly; Q: Who witnesses a murder at Gatwick Airport? Summary: The TARDIS materialises on the runway of Gatwick Airport, where Polly witnesses a murder only to be kidnapped before she can report it. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Elena: Damon is gone. I want you to compel me to forget that I ever loved him. Who is Damon Salvatore? He's a monster. To get home, we'll harness the power of the eclipse using a mystical relic. No.
[Dart gun fires]
Tripp: Vampires murdered my wife.
I'm gonna get him to name all his vampire buddies. Need any help?
[Dart gun fires]
If even just a small, little part of you came back to check on me, then stay.
Stefan: Not doing so great, Damon. I'm lost, brother. It's kind of a long story, brother, but I'm back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Tripp's Van ]
( Tripp drives down the dark winding road toward Mystic Falls with three vampires in the back of his van, one of them is Ivy and she is in a full panic; crying and begging Tripp to release her. )
Ivy: Please just let me go!
Tripp: I know this may seem a little barbaric. (he says calmly as she cries desperately pulling on the chains) I promise you it's nothing personal. (the other two vampires in the back also try to get free).
Ivy: Why are you doing this?
Tripp: It's a longer story then we have time for but trust me you don't want this life. If you even call it that. (He says, turning up the radio)
Ivy: Come on, come on. (she pulls at the chains) Come on, come on! (they loosen, but she runs out of time)
( Tripp's van passes the sign reading "Welcome to Mystic Falls" and the vampires are immediately affected. One vampire's throat is slashed, blood pours from his mouth as he grabs frantically at his throat reliving his death. )
Ivy: (panicked) What is heappening? (She screams in horror) What is happening!?
( The other vampire is shot through the head; she screams and then her neck snaps. Tripp closes the window which allows him to see in the back of the van. He continues driving through Mystic Falls with three dead vampires. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Salvatore Mausoleum ]
( In the Salvatore Mausoleum the scene picks up with Damon and Stefan hugging. )
Damon: I missed you too buddy.
Stefan: I can't believe it. (they pull apart) I thought you were gone.
Damon: Well you didn't think I was gone-gone. I promised you an eternity of misery. Heh. (he smiles)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore Dorm Room ]
( Elena paces in front of Caroline who sits on her bed; Elena has her arms folded and she is not happy. )
Elena: He's back? (Caroline nods) How? (she asks confused)
Caroline: I don't know, honestly everything Stefan said after "Damon's back" is kind of a blur.
Elena: What about Bonnie? (She asks hopeful)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Salvatore Mausoleum ]
Damon: She sacrificed herself so I could come back but I don't want anyone to know. No sense making this harder than it already is.
Stefan: What are we going to tell people?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore Dorm Room ]
Caroline: (quietly) He said she wasn't over there.
Elena: Where is there exactly?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Salvatore Mausoleum ]
Stefan: (confused) Mystic Falls? 1994?
Damon: I know. A bunch of witches were going to get together and create some space time purgatory you'd think they'd pick a better year than the one Kurt Cobain killed himself in. The whole thing was just very depressing. (he takes a swig from the bottle of Bourbon).
Stefan: So how did you get back?
Damon: Long story, big flash of light. Two decades worth of jet lag. I will explain all of my adventures in that flannel hellscape, but first, there's someone I got to go see. (he says grasping Stefan's shoulders then walks past him).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Alaric's Office ]
( Elena stands in front of Alaric with her arms folded )
Elena: I don't want to see him.
Alaric: (sigh) I get it, but that's how you feel now, Elena. If you thought there was even a chance you'd see Damon again you would have never asked me to compel away your memories of loving him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Salvatore Mausoleum ]
( Damon stops in front of the doors of the Mausoleum and turns to face Stefan, shocked )
Damon: She did what?
Stefan: She had Alaric do it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Alaric's Office ]
Alaric: DAMON IS GOING TO KILL ME! (he yells)
Elena: You're unkillable. (she replies calmly)
Alaric: Doesn't mean he won't try.
Elena: What do you think is going to happen when I do see him?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Salvatore Mausoleum ]
Damon: I just need to see her Stefan. Our eyes will meet, fireworks will go off, and the balance of nature will be restored. She loves me!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Alaric's Office ]
Elena: He's a psychotic killer!
Alaric: You only feel that way because I erased all the good parts.
Elena: I don't see anything that could balance out the bad. Promise me you won't lift the compulsion. (Alaric sighs) Promise me!
Alaric: I won't, Ok, not until you ask me to.
Elena: Thank you.
Alaric: But, Elena, I hope you ask me.
Elena: I have to go. I have a shift at the hospital.
Alaric: Since when?
Elena: Since Damon came back and I'm trying desperately to avoid him.
Alaric: Fine, but if you're avoiding people, add Jo to your list. (Elena looks at him confused) I compelled her to forget our date the other night and it didn't take.
Elena: What do you mean it didn't take?
Alaric: Well, either she's on Vervain or there's some other reason, but she can't be compelled. So see if you can find out why.
Elena: Ok. Yeah. I will. Will you call Jeremy? I had to tell him about Bonnie over the phone. You can imagine how that went.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Salvatore Boarding House ]
( Jeremy is in a rush to leave as he grabs his phone and keys off the kitchen table. Sarah walks into the room. )
Sarah: Where are you going?
Jeremy: Out. (he replies coldly walking past her)
Sarah: You promised me you'd help me track down my relatives.
Jeremy: Just...later...Ok.
Sarah: Jeremy, you can't just say, "Zach Salvatore was your dad too bad he's dead" and then, "peace out."
Jeremy: I can't do this right now!
Sarah: What is so urgent to make you finally unglue your ass from the couch? I know it's not school. It's not work. If it's another girl, I'd shower first.
Jeremy: I just need to get out of here. (he leaves)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Tripp's Cabin, Woods ]
Enzo sits on the floor still chained up; the door opens and Matt enters.
Enzo: Oh Tripp's errand boy returns.
( Matt laughs sarcastically and walks toward Enzo with a cup of blood bending down in front of him he purposely spills some of the blood from the small glass on the floor. )
Matt: Ooh, my bad.
Enzo: Heh. That's all right, mate. Just lean in and I'll take it right from the tap. (Matt hands him the glass to which Enzo drinks)
Matt: I'll pass.
Enzo: Yeah come on I'm gonna need my strength back for when you help me escape.
Matt: Sorry. If Stefan turned you in I'm guessing you deserved it.
Enzo: When did Stefan's moral compass become the new true north? Wasn't he the one who scurried off to some poxy, little town while he let everyone believe he was still searching for his brother? Not exactly the hero move, if you ask me.
Matt: Still I think the general population is safer with you in here.
Enzo: Yeah. Probably right, well except for Elena...Stefan, Caroline, You. Whatdo you think would happen if I were to tell your boss about known vampires and their...groupies?
( The door opens, Matt turns to see Tripp entering )
Tripp: Well, Savannah was a waste of gas. Minus a few blood bags, the house you told us about was empty.
Enzo: Odd. Must have smelled you coming.
Tripp: Hmm, would have been a total bust, except I happened upon a girl that fit the description that you gave me. That was near Whitmore. 500 miles from where you said she was gonna be. (He pulls out a phone and shows Enzo a photo of a girl) Is this Ivy?
Enzo: That's the one.
Tripp: So I give you today to conjure up the location of your vampire friends, or you and I are gonna go sightseeing in Mystic Falls. (He leaves and Enzo glares at Matt; Matt turns away from Enzo following Tripp out, closing the door behind him).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Alaric's Office ]
( Alaric is behind his desk, Matt sits in a chair across from him as Caroline stands there with her arms folded scolding Matt. )
Caroline: Why didn't you tell us Enzo has been locked up this whole time?
Matt: Honestly, I didn't know anybody was missing him.
Caroline: Matt!
Matt: I'm sorry! I was confused about which vampires we like and which ones we don't!
Caroline: Ok. Well, what about Ivy? Is she there, too?
Matt: Tripp drove her and two others across the border last night.
Caroline: (sigh) Oh, God.
Alaric: Well do you know where Tripp is now. (Caroline sits down next to Matt)
Matt: He's running down another lead but he didn't tell me what it was.
Alaric: Well can you find out? We need to know who his next target is.
Matt: If Enzo talks it'll be you guys.
Caroline: Well that's not going to happen because we're busting him out, right, and if for no other reason than so I can kick his ass for getting caught in the first place.
Alaric: You have any idea how he managed to get his hands on him? (Stefan enters the office)
Stefan: He didn't. I turned him in. (Caroline and Alaric stare at Stefan, disbelieving)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Dorm Room ]
( Elena is getting her bag ready for the hospital; she puts her red shirt in the bag when there is a knock at the door. She turns and walks toward the door. )
Elena: Who is it? (she asks with her hand on the door knob)
Damon: (he says softly, she immediately pulls her hand away stopping herself from opening the door) I just wanted to talk. (we see Damon on the other side of the door)
Elena: I can't, not now.
Damon: (sigh) Look. I know why you did what you did. It's not real. You know what's real? The way you felt for me. You once told me it was the most real thing you ever felt in your life.
Elena: Those feelings are gone.
Damon: Oh, come on, Elena. You've compelled enough people to know it's just a way of covering the truth and no matter how badly you want it done, it doesn't make it any less of a lie, you know. (She slowly reaches for the door knob) Oh, I hear you breathing. (she gasps, pulling away) You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you breathe. (She sighs and puts her hand on the door, from Damon's side he loops up and copies this motion putting his hand where her hand is) Just open the door, Elena. Everything can go back to the way it was. (She pulls her hand away and he jiggles the door knob) Just...(sigh, he leans his head against the door) Just open the door, Elena, please...or, at the very least, step aside because I'm gonna kick this door in. (She unlocks the door, Damon hears it click. He turns the knob, she stands there for a moment but by the time he pushes the door open she has vamp sped out the window. He looks around to an empty room and the white curtains blowing in the breeze).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore College, North Campus ]
( Stefan is on his cell phone with Elena as he walks across the Quad. )
Stefan: You seriously jumped out of a window? What if somebody saw you?
Elena: I know, I know. I panicked. I don't know. (she says pacing back and forth in the hospital hallway)
Stefan: Look. He's been trapped over there alone for months. He just wants to see you.
Elena: Look. I get how I'm supposed to feel, but I know how I actually feel and I'm happy now. What if I look at him and my old feelings break through the compulsion.
Stefan: Well, they won't, but even if they did, is that such a bad thing?
Elena: (sigh) Yeah. I started over just like you did, Ok? I made a smart choice for myself and for my future. Stefan, I kissed Liam last night.
Stefan: (groans) Oh, please forget that you told me that and definitly do not tell Damon that.
Elena: Becuase he's gonna kill him right just like he killed my brother!
Stefan: I was gonna say becuase he'll be heartbroken. Listen what do you want to do? I mean, you have to see him eventually.
Elena: I know, but I just don't think eventually can be today, all right? (Elena spots Jo walking forward and putting her cup of coffee on a cart just outside a hospital room) I'm not...I'm just not..ready. (Jo looks at some X-Rays and then enters the room) I got to go. (she hangs up, shoves the phone in her pocket and quickly walks toward the cart, lifting the lid off the coffee she drinks it quickly; surprised that there is no Vervain in it. Jo comes out of the room and Elena quickly puts the coffee back).
Jo: Elena.
Elena: Hey.
Jo: I didn't think you were here today.
Elena: Yeah. No. I changed my schedule around.
Jo: (sipping her coffee) Okay. Follow me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Tripp's Office ]
( Matt sits at Tripp's desk, using his computer he types the word vampires into the search bar. No Files Found. He tries again with Mystic Falls Deaths, again No Files Found. The door opens and he quickly tries to hide what he is doing but it turns out to be Sarah. )
Matt: (surprised) Sarah? What are you doing?
Sarah: Could ask you the same question.
Matt: (closing the computer lid) You can't be in here.
Sarah: From the look on your face you're downloading p0rn or you're not supposed to be here, either. What are you doing in Tripp's office?
Matt: What do you want?
Sarah: Information on some people who used to live here. (she says looking at some of the cabinets) You know anything about the Salvatore's?
Matt: Not really.
Sarah: Well, according to Jeremy, Zach Salvatore was my dad. (Matt is surprised). He supposedly died from an animal attack, and coincidentally so did my mom but I've been paying attention. I know what that's code for, and your boss seems to know a lot about homicidal wildlife, so...
Matt: So you thought breaking in here was a good idea.
Sarah: Guess we have that in common. Now, either you help me or start coming up with a good lie when I tell your boss you were snooping.
Matt: Animal attacks are filed over there. (he says indicating a cabinet behind her)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Alaric's Office ]
( Alaric enters his office to see Damon sitting in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk with a bottle of Bourbon and two glasses in front of him. )
Damon: Professor Saltzman. What, you coudn't compel yourself a PH.D? (he asks, pouring a glass of Bourbon)
Alaric: I can't believe your back.
Damon: I am...heh. (he slides the glass to Ric)
Alaric: So...how the hell are you? (he asks sitting in the chair across from Damon)
Damon: Well let's see Ric...I clawed my way out of some retro pocket universe only to find that I needed to compel myself a new change of clothes because this antimagic hamster ball is keeping me from going home, and then I find out that my best friend rather than doing anything about it decided that it was the best use of his time to compel my beautiful and lovely girlfriend to forget that she ever loved me...Heh...I'm great...Ric...Thanks for asking. (he says sarcastically and drinks his Bourbon)
Alaric: Look, Damon...
Damon: (cutting him off) I know she was a train wreck without me but a full mind erase, seriously?
Alaric: She loved you too much, and it was killing her.
Damon: Well, I'm flattered, but I'm back, (he takes his feet off the desk quickly and leans toward Ric) so let's get this uncompulsion on the books huh.
Alaric: Fine, as soon as Elena tells me that's what she wants.
Damon: Right. Here's the thing she's not gonna want to be uncompelled (he gets up and walks toward Alaric) if she can't remember why she'd want to be uncompelled mmm-mmm chicken, egg. (he says holding his glass of Bourbon is one hand and nothing in the other, weighing the options)
Alaric: I know, and I'm sorry.
Damon: Sorry? She won't even see me, Ric.
Alaric: I get it, Damon but she's happy, and I'm not gonna take that away from her until she asks me to.
Damon: It's not like I don't want Elena to be happy. (he says finishing his Bourbon) I just want her to be happy with me. (he says pointing to himself, but Alaric won't budge on the subject) Right. (He slams the glass down on the table and walks past Ric; stops then goes back for the bottle of Bourbon and leaves)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Woods ]
( Stefan and Caroline walk through the woods toward Tripp's Cabin; arguing, Caroline is angry with Stefan. )
Stefan: Look Enzo wasn't being careful Tripp would've caught him eventually and that meant danger for all of us.
Caroline: Right so you handed Enzo over so we wouldn't be targeted and now you're rescuing him so we won't be targeted. Way to go. (She says sarcastically)
Stefan: Well, I thought Tripp was gonna kill him. I didn't think he was going to keep him alive for information.
Caroline: Oh, Well, in that case, sounds like you were just being practical. So did you rat out Ivy, too?
Stefan: What?
Caroline: Well, you didn't want to deal with her anymore, you wanted her gone, and now she is. You know what you really should write Tripp a thank-you note.
Stefan: Hold on a second Enzo turns Ivy right, a hunter kills her and yet I'm the bad guy? I'm not the one threatening to turn in other vampires to save his own skin.
Caroline: The only one who turned in other vampires is you Stefan. That's why you're helping. Guilt for getting Damon's friend captured.
Stefan: Yeah. Damon is my brother and I gave up on him first. Enzo didn't so if rescuing his idiot friend is gonna somehow make it up to him that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
Caroline: Great. Good for you. Let me know when you figure out how you're gonna make everything up to me. (She says as they arrive at Tripp's Cabin, Stefan's eyes widen as the door opens; he grabs Caroline and vamp speeds out of sight; hiding behind a crate in the yard)
( Two men come out of the cabin looking around suspiciously, they lock the door and leave. Stefan and Caroline share a brief look between one another. )
Caroline: Let's get in there. (they get inside the cabin only to find it empty) Well, where the hell is he?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore Hospital ]
( Elena follows Jo down the hospital hallway )
Elena: I like your bracelet. What is it made of? (she goes to touch it but Jo moves her hand away grabbing a chart and Elena pulls her hand back reaching behind her neck awkwardly)
Jo: No idea, while you're here can I get your opinion on something?
Elena: Sure yeah.
Jo: Female patient, blunt force trauma to the head, massive internal hemorrhaging, multiple bone fractures, (she says opening the door to a patient room) she was a victim at the corn maze. (The room is empty)
Elena: Where is she?
Jo: Probably Freshman Lit.
Elena: I don't get it.
Jo: Neither do I. See the patient was never admitted even with such extensive injuries. Liam said you treated her at the scene. That's a pretty good save for someone with half a semester of Pre-Med.
Elena: Yeah you know uhm I think Liam was exaggerating how bad off she was. It was dark, and, yeah, there was a lot of blood...
Jo: (cutting her off) Don't! I know what Alaric is. I know what you are. If any more blood bags go missing. I know who to come to. (She closes the door and walks away leaving Elena there genuinely confused).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Dorm Room ]
( Damon is highly annoyed as he looks around Elena's dorm room there are several framed photos on the dresser and her desk of all of friends but nothing of Damon. )
Damon: Well, somebody was thorough. (he drinks from the bottle of Bourbon and flips down the photo of Elena, Stefan and Caroline) No pictures of Damon anywhere. (he picks up the photo of Elena at her graduation) Huh? (he grabs a black sharpie off her desk and gets comfortable on her bed) Ooh. (he draws a stick figure of himself next to her) It's kind of creepy, you just standing there all hulky and brooding. (he says without looking up).
Jeremy: (in the doorway) Says the freak who's stalking my sister. (Damon finishes his stick figure with two eyes, a smile and two fangs sticking out)
Damon: Technically, I'm lying in wait.
Jeremy: (coming in) Why didn't Bonnie come back? (Damon doesn't answer) Why didn't she come back?
Damon: Because she wasn't there. It was just me.
Jeremy: (sitting on the bext next to Damon) You know I paid her cell bill so I could call her phone and hear her say the same six words every day?
Damon: Sounds good. I'll give it a call.
Jeremy: Why? She hated you.
Damon: Bonnie wasn't there with me Jeremy because she found peace. She's in a a better place.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore Hospital ]
( Jo hands some files to another nurse as Elena comes up behind her. )
Elena: How did you know?
Jo: Besides not believing that you closed a penetrating abdominal trauma without so much as a first aid kit? Pretty sure you weren't looking for stevia in my coffee. With Alaric I wasn't 100% sure he tried to compel me, but then I remembered I have really crappy luck my in my love life so of course my hot, new teacher crush would be a vampire.
Elena: So what are you?
Jo: Busy. If you want to stick around (she says walking past Elena) there's food trays on the third floor that need clearing.
Elena: (following her) That's it? You're gonna let me stay?
Jo: You saved that girl instead of feeding on her that's good enough for me.
Elena: You're not even afraid, not even fazed for that matter. There's only one thing that can resist compulsion without needing Vergain, and that's a witch. (Jo nods slightly) You're a witch.
Jo: How about I make you a deal. You don't ask questions about me and I won't ask questions about you.
Elena: Deal.
Jo: Oh and you can tell Alaric if he wants to avoid a complicated relationship, he doesn't have to hide behind compulsion to do it. (She says walking through a corridor, leaving Elena).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Tripp's Office ]
( Sarah is going through Tripp's files of all the animal attacks, showing some gruesome photos. )
Sarah: Maybe it was a good thing I didn't grow up here.
Matt: So where do you come from?
Sarah: Give me the year, and I'll give you the town and foster home. (She says, she then tries to open a drawer on Tripp's desk which is locked) Oh, good. Wonder what's in here.
Matt: It's locked.
Sarah: Locked means important. (she says breaking into the drawer)
Matt's cell phone vibrates, he pulls it out and answers it.
Matt: Hey Care, did you get him?
Caroline: No. Enzo is not here, any idea where Tripp might have taken him? (Sarah gets the drawer open) Besides the very obvious one?
( The drawer contains several wallets, some credit cards and a cell phone that Sarah takes out. )
Matt: Hang on, let me see that. (he takes the phone and turns it on revealing a picture of Ivy on the wallpaper, he touches the recent calls icon which shows a missed call from Caroline Forbes) Caroline, we have another problem Tripp has Ivy's phone.
Caroline: And? I mean the guy is a murderer, petty theft isn't much of a stretch.
Matt: Yeah, but your name is at the top of the recent dialed list.
Caroline: Oh, my god, he knows what I am.
Matt: I'm guessing he knows where to find you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Dorm Room ]
( Damon picks up a framed picture of Bonnie on the night stand beside her bed. He takes out his phone and calls her number; sitting down on her bed and looking at the photo the phone rings once and then her voicemail picks up. )
Bonnie (voicemail): It's Bonnie. Leave me a message. (Beep)
Damon: That's it? That's your outgoing message. Really? I mean, the onetime I'm actively seeking the sound of your voice, that's all I get. Perfect. Hmm...Anyway, I'm in your room, which is a lot less weird than it sounds but I just wanted to say that because of what you did for me today is the day I get to see Elena. So thank you, and I'm sorry. Other than that, I don't know what to say or what I'm supposed to say except that, defying all possible global scenarios, I might miss you a little bit. (Damon's phone beeps; he is getting another call) Ooh, hey, I got to go. (He switches over to his other call) So you didn't forget my number. That's a good start.
Elena: (walking down the street) Yeah I figured that I'd press the Damon button and see what happened.
Damon: And what is happening?
Elena: I don't know. I don't even know what I'm doing. I just... I'm thinking we should meet face to face. I can't run from you forever so come by my dorm?
Damon: Yeah, yeah I'll be here... there; I'll be there, absolutely in a bit. See you in a little bit.
Elena: Okay. (she hangs up)
( Damon quickly gets up from Bonnie's bed and puts the picture back on the nightstand, cleaning up a little bit behind himsef then fixes his hair in the mirror. When the door opens... )
Damon: Well that was fast. (he says turning only to see Tripp holding a Vervain gun)
( Damon vamps out at Tripp who pulls the trigger; Damon catches the Vervain dart in between his fingers and throws it bag at Tripp, hitting him in the knee. )
Tripp: (groans) Ah' (he grabs at his knee)
( Tripp then tries to throw a stake at Damon, but he catches it and vamp speeds to Tripp holding him by the neck with the stake against his jaw. )
Damon: Who are you?
( From behind Damon, a dart gun fires into his back a couple of times. )
Damon: Uh! (he groans, releasing Tripp to see two guys who have shot him, before he collapses and everything goes black).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore, Dorm Hallway ]
( Elena walks down the hallway toward her dorm room but becomes suspicious when she arrives to see the door partially opened. She pushes the door opened slowly; the room is empty but Damon's phone is on the floor and there are a few droplets of blood. )
Elena: Damon-
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Alaric's Classroom ]
( Alaric is in his empty classroom packing up his bag while talking on the phone with Elena. )
Alaric: Elena calm down just find Caroline and get to Old Miller Road. We'll get him back. (He hangs up and leaves his classroom, locking the doors behind him then turns to face Jo who stands in front of him with her arms folded).
Jo: I had an interesting conversation with Elena.
Alaric: Yeah and I want to hear all about it just not right now.
Jo: What's the rush? Occult studies emergency?
Alaric: Yeah, I have someplace I need to be so if you don't mind. (He tries to pass her but she blocks his way)
Jo: Why don't you just compel me out of the way. (Alaric sighs) Look don't you think it's about time we level with each other.
Alaric: Okay how's this, my best friend, he just came back from the dear but now I have to save him from a vampire hunter before he is driven across an antimagic border and killed again so here's some friendly advice. It's probably a good idea to stay as far away from me as possible. (He leaves)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Tripp's Van ]
( Damon wakes up in the back of Tripp's van, coming face to face with Enzo, who is also chained. )
Damon: (groans) Uh'
Enzo: Morning, sunshine.
Damon: Enzo, (Damon looks to see the chains on his hands) well this brings back memories.
Enzo: I'm glad to see you found a way back, mate. Afraid it's going to be a short reunion though. We're headed for Mystic Falls known for it's bridges; quaint, small town charm and a really big vampire bug zapper. (Damon pulls at the chains)
Damon: Stefan could've told me there was a hunter in town.
Enzo: It probably slipped his mind because he's responsible for my return to incarceration.
Damon: Why would he do that?
Enzo: Probably jealous of my accent. Eh' maybe he did it because I killed his new girlfriend.
Damon: Yeah that'll do it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Road to Mystic Falls I ]
( Elena drives down the road, the tires screech as the car comes to a sudden stop just outside the Mystic Falls City Limits. Caroline is in the passenger seat on the phone with her mom. )
Caroline: Sorry Mom, Elena is auditioning for "Top Gear" (they get out of the car) Yeah, ok, bye. (She hangs up) So my mom is shutting down Route 13 Tripp will have to double back and there's only two other ways across the border.
( Elena isn't really paying attention she's facing opposite Caroline, staring straight ahead. )
Caroline: Do you have a preference? Front, back? (Elena leans against the car still staring straight ahead) No? Okay. (she pops one of the tires and the air explodes from it causing the car to sink down and Elena turns to face her) I think this sells a spinout. (Elena turns back again toward the dark road) What do you think? Elena?
Elena: I want my memories back.
Caroline: Wait. What? (Elena turns to face her)
Elena: I made up my mind, if Damon survives this, then I want Alaric to uncompel me. I mean, I can't imagine ever loving him but I also can't ignore the parts I don't like just to avoid the truth. I mean how could I make any decisions if I only know half the story? (Caroline rubs her arm affectionately and they turn to face the road ahead of them, waiting for Tripp's arrival).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Road to Mystic Falls II ]
( Alaric and Stefan have parked their car on the edge of Mystic Falls. The sign by their car reads "You Are Now Leaving Mystic Falls, Come Again Soon." They are also pretending to have car trouble while they wait for Tripp's arrival. Stefan pops the hood and starts pulling out pieces of the engine. )
Alaric: (watching him) You don't have to take apart the whole engine we just need to lure Tripp in so we can grab him. (Stefan continues taking the engine apart) You know, it's not your fault.
Stefan: Pretty much is.
Alaric: Look. You're not the only one who gave up. You know every second for the last four months all I could think about was when I'm gonna get my next sip of blood, when am I gonna screw up and hurt somebody, why did I come back to life just to be this thing. That I used to hunt vampires and suddenly I was one. Searching for Damon was the only thing that could take my mind off of it, but I was basically going through the motions as a distraction because, honestly Stefan, I'd given up, too. (Alaric spots headlights approaching) There. (Stefan turns)
Stefan: That's him.
Alaric: You should stay in the carhe knows what you look like.
Stefan: He thinks I'm on his side.
Alaric: Yeah unless Enzo told him different. Go tell Elena he's here. (Stefan gets in the car as Alaric approaches Tripp's slowing vehicle, waving his arms over his head and whistling to get his attention).
( Tripp's van comes to a stop; from inside the van Damon and Enzo can hear Alaric's voice. )
Alaric: Evening. (Tripp rolls his window down partially) I tried to get my buddy to a bachelor party and our car just stopped you think you can uh help us out?
Tripp: Oh' don't know anything about cars.
Alaric: Yeah, oh well, maybe you could give us a ride then?
( From the back of Tripp's Van )
Enzo: Who's that?
Damon: Ric. He's up to something. Better be something good, b*st*rd owes me.
Tripp: Sorry, in a bit of a hurry.
Alaric: Yeah. So are we. (Alaric punches through the glass of the window it shatters knocing Tripp back, Alaric grabs Tripp by the collar and punches him in the face).
Tripp: Uh! Ooh! (He groans and grabs his Vervain gun, shooting Alaric in the shoulder with it. Alaric holds onto the side of the vehicle as Tripp slams down on the gas heading straight for Stefan's Car. Stefan, on his cell phone looks up just in time to see the approaching vehicle. He vamp speeds out of the car just before Tripp's van crashes into it, flipping over; flying through the air and crashing over the Mystic Falls sign landing upside down. Alaric is thrown off the vehicle)
Alaric: Uh! Ugh! Uh! (He groans as he hits the ground within Mystic Falls).
( In the back of Tripp's Van, Damon groans as the gun shot wound appears, his shirt soaked with blood. Enzo begins coughing and choking on his blood. )
( Stefan overlooks the scene in shock and terror, his phone still in hand with Elena on the other end. )
Elena: Stefan. Stefan what's happening?
Stefan: Damon and Alaric are across the border. I got to go. (he hangs up)
Elena: Oh my god. (she whispers)
( On the ground, Alaric is coughing up blood, a large wound has appeared on his chest; blood soaking through his shirt. )
( Stefan looks at the sign that says Welcome to Mystic Falls and then straight ahead at the overturned van with a decision to make. He walks forward, crossing into the border and immediately falls forward clutching his stomach in pain where his gunshot wound appears. )
Stefan: (groaning) Agh! Ugh! Aagh! Ah! (panting, he presses forward picking up a crow bar on the road)
( Inside Tripp's Van the spirit magic is being ripped away from Damon and Enzo )
Damon: I came back for this. (Enzo spits up blood)
Enzo: Consumption, wasn't much fun the first time around either. (Stefan uses the crow bar to break into the back of Tripp's van).
( On the grass, Alaric is dying when Jo comes running over she falls to her knees beside him and applies pressue to his chest wound. )
Jo: It's okay, I'm here. I followed you like a crazy stalker. Not one of my finer moments.
( In Tripp's Van-Stefan has gotten the doors open and goes to help Damon first but he stops him. )
Damon: No, no. Get him! (Stefan uses the crow bar to get Enzo loose from the chains that are attached to the top of the van. He then gets Damon loose. Tripp comes out of the front of his vehicle, blood gushing from his head; instead of facing off with his enemies he runs away. Damon, Stefan and Enzo struggle out of the van)
( On the grass Alaric gasps and pants, spitting up blood )
Alaric: You have to get me across the border. (Jo is using her first aid knowledge to help him) It's stripping away the magic. I'll die.
Jo: You'll die if I move you. I have to stop the bleeding, you nicked your descending aorta.
Alaric: I know, that's what killed me.
Jo: (holding up a package) And you didn't have me back then did you (she rips it open with her teeth) and you didn't have hemostatic gauze.
( Enzo and Damon struggle out of Tripp's Van, Stefan is pushing them along. )
Stefan: Get up, come on get up. (he holds them both up; linking one of his arms with Enzo and the other with Damon as they struggle down the road and toward the border; grasping their stomach's, couching up blood and panting. Finally they reach the safety zone; Enzo and Damon drop to the ground coughing, panting, groaning and trying to catch thier breaths as their wounds heal. Stefan turns back toward Mystic Falls knowing Alaric is still on the other side).
Alaric lays on the ground with Jo working over him.
Alaric: What's happening?
Jo: You still with me? While I'm sealing this wound. (she applies gauze to his bloody chest, her hand covered in his blood) I want you to think about how you tried to compel one of the smartest women on campus to forget about her date with you. The date where I single handedly saved dozens of lives without smearing my makeup. (She works quickly, Alaric gasps) Alaric? Hang on! Stay with me. Come on. (She starts pumping on his chest) Gonna get that heart pumping. (He gasps) You don't get to have the last word with me. Alaric! (Alaric stops moving, his eyes now closed) Alaric! (she screams, pumping on his chest, but there is nothing. Alaric remains still).
( From outside the border Stefan watches helplessly; Damon, still on the ground rips his hands free from the chains and looks toward Mystic Falls, his eyes wide. )
( Jo continues pumping on Alaric's chest refusing to give up. )
Jo: Stay with me! come on! (Suddenly Alaric's head snaps up, his eyes open and he gasps for air) Ah'
( From outside the border, Stefan breathes a sigh of relief. )
( On the Ground, Alaric looks around confused and shaken. )
Alaric: So-so-something's wrong.
Jo: (stroking his face) Don't move.
Alaric: No, something's wrong. I'm not supposed to be alive.
Jo: There's no reason you shouldn't be. I sealed the wound we just have to get you to the hospital. (He breathes heavily and rests his head back on the grass).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Road to Mystic Falls I ]
( Caroline stands on the dark road just outside Mystic Falls, on the phone with Stefan recieving the updates. )
Caroline: (quietly) Yeah, I'll tell her. Thanks. (She hangs up as Elena vamp speeds up to her, coming from the opposite direction)
Elena: I was just on Route 9 and there was a crash but they weren't there.
Caroline: Yeah I know they had to get out of there.
Elena: What happened?
Caroline: (sigh) Uh Stefan said that...uhm. (she stares at Elena, not able to find the words)
Elena: What, Caroline? What? (she asks nervously)
Caroline: Alaric crossed the border, but Jo was there and she saved him.
Elena: (relieved) So he's okay, that means he's okay, right? (she presses the question when Caroline doesn't immediately answer)
Caroline: Yeah Elena he's okay.
Elena: Then why do you have that look on your face? What happened Caroline?
Caroline: All the magic stripped away, but Jo saved him just before he died.
Elena: (not comprehending) What, I don't know what that means, Caroline.
Caroline: Alaric is not a vampire anymore, Elena. He's human. (Elena is shocked and troubled by this news knowing what it means).
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Salvatore Boarding House ]
( Matt and Sarah enter the house )
Sarah: Thanks for the ride.
Matt: (closing the door behind him) Yeah I thought I'd save you the trouble of having to boost another car.
Sarah: (smiles) That was almost funny, hope for you yet Donovan.
Matt: If I told you I knew about your family promise to take a little friendly advice.
Sarah: Hang on, you know who my family is?
Matt: Read any history book about this town's founding members. The guys that live in this house are Damon and Stefan Salvatore.
Sarah: Why are you just telling me this now?
Matt: Because (pause) they're vampires and wherever they go death and pain always follow so if you're looking for family you're not going to find it here. Do yourself a favor and get as far away from this place as you can.
( Suddenly from the other room, Jeremy's loud, frustrated voice catches their attention. )
Jeremy: COME ON! (Matt and Sarah turn and run toward him) NO! DAMN IT! (he screams)
Matt: Jer...
Jeremy: I keep trying to cancel Bonnie's plhone but I can't without her pin. Why can't I remember her pin? (In anger, he slams the phone down on the pool table, smashing it into pieces; he holds up his hand it is cut open with jagged pieces of the broken phone sticking out of it, shaking slightly. He then smashes his hand through a bottle of alcohol that sits on the pool table; glass flying everywhere. He bangs his fist over and over again into the pool table. Matt and Sarah grab ahold of him).
Jeremy: Get off! get off! (he screams, fighting against them)
Sarah: It's gonna be okay.
Jeremy: No it's not! She's gone! Bonnie is gone. (He pants, as Matt hugs him)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore/Mystic Falls-Elena and Alaric Phone Conversation ]
( Elena is at Whitmore while Alaric is in the hospital in Mystic Falls; they are on the phone with each other as the scene switches back and forth between locations. )
Elena: Jo's a keeper, how does it feel?
Alaric: (in a hospital bed) Oh, it hurts a lot.
Elena: Well, it's too bad there aren't any vampires in Mystic Falls to help heal you.
Alaric: Well, I think they got me on a morphine drip. It's the next best thing. (Pause) Elena, I'm so sorry.
Elena: No, no, no Alaric I'm just glad that you're okay. I mean up until an hour ago I didn't even want my memories to return. I was the one who made the choice to lose them. Now I have to live with the fact that you can't give them back to me. I know how much you hated being a vampire so I'm just glad one of us got what we wanted.
Alaric: And what is it that you want?
Elena: To be able to look Damon in the eye, knowing all that I know and all that I don't, and see how I feel about him. I want to trust how I feel.
Alaric: I hope that you can. Good luck, okay? (Elena hangs up)
( In Alaric's hospital room he hangs up the phone as Jo walks in quickly. )
Jo: This hospital sucks! I can't believe anyone even makes it out of here alive.
Alaric: They usually don't.
Jo: I'm having you transferred to Whitmore ASAP.
Alaric: Thank you.
Jo: (smiles) Just doing my job.
Alaric: Hey, (taking her hand) you did more than that. You gave me back my life. Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Restaurant/Bar ]
( Stefan and Damon sit at a table drinking Bourbon; Stefan listens as Damon rants. )
Damon: I was this close...This close.
Stefan: I know. I'm sorry.
Damon: Oh I got it, everybody's sorry. You're sorry you gave up on me, sorry you turned Enzo into that hunter guy. Ric's sorry for the compulsion. I'm sure if Elena could remember anything she'd be sorry too. (He says annoyed, drinking).
Stefan: You got to understand how hard it was for her.
Damon: I am so tired of hearing how hard it was for her. It was hard for me as well.
Stefan: At least you knew you had a home to come back to. She didn't have anything, to her you were just gone.
Damon: Guess I still am. Ric said she's happy without me since she's erased me. You know what I don't want her to be happy. I want her to be miserable just like I am.
Stefan: (unamused) You done?
Damon: Yeah. I'm done.
Stefan: Good, now quit stalling there's a girl you need to go see.
Damon: What if it doesn't work? What if what we had isn't strong enough to break the compulsion?
Stefan: You're not going to find out just sitting there, are you?
Damon: (thinking about it for a moment, then finishing his drink) Here's goes everything. (He leaves; Stefan sighs and sits along at the table until he spots Caroline walks down the street. He quickly leaves the restaurant to catch up to her).
Stefan: Hey.
Caroline: (turning toward him) Hey, so am I your last stop on the Stefan Salvatore apology tour?
Stefan: Could we just get past this, please?
Caroline: I'm trying to.
Stefan: Look, Caroline. What do you want me to do huh? Stop making me guess and tell me so we can go back to being friends again.
Caroline: Yeah well you know that's the thing Stefan after all of this, I-I don't want to be friends anymore. (She walks away, leaving him alone on the street; he sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Whitmore-Dorm Room ]
( Music Playing )
( Damon walks down the hallway toward Elena's room. )
( In Elena's room, she goes through the box of Damon's things. Pulling out her diary which holds a strip of photographs of the two of them together. She pulls it out and looks at them. )
( Damon continues toward Elena's room. Elena pulls out Damon's black leather jacket. )
( Damon reaches Elena's door and knocks. Elena takes a deep breath, pausing for a moment as Damon waits anxiously at the door. Elena hesitantly walks toward the door, reaches for the door knob and slowly opens the door to face Damon. After four months of him being gone, the two finally get a chance to see each other face to face. Their eyes meet. ) | Plan: A: Damon; Q: Who believes if he sees Elena, all her memories of him will be restored? A: Elena; Q: Who does Damon want to meet? A: Alaric; Q: Who is dragged across the border by Tripp? A: vampires; Q: What does Jo know about Elena and Alaric? A: a witch; Q: What is Jo's profession? A: Tripp; Q: Who captures Damon? A: the Mystic Falls borders; Q: Where did Damon and Enzo try to drive over? A: magic; Q: What is stripped off of Enzo, Damon, and Alaric when they cross the border? A: human; Q: What does Alaric come back as after he is rescued? A: Stefan; Q: Who rescues Damon and Enzo? A: Caroline; Q: Who tells Stefan she doesn't want to be friends anymore? A: friends; Q: What does Caroline tell Stefan she no longer wants to be? Summary: Damon believes if he sees Elena, all her memories of him will be restored, but Elena does not want to meet him. Alaric asks Elena to see if Jo knows about vampires, and she discovers that Jo is a witch and knows Elena and Alaric are vampires. Tripp captures Damon and try to drive him and Enzo over the Mystic Falls borders. Alaric tries to stop Tripp from crossing the Mystic Falls borders but gets dragged across it himself. While looking for Damon, Enzo, and Alaric, Elena decides she wants her memories back. When they cross the border, Enzo, Damon, and Alaric slowly start to die and get magic stripped off of them. Jo was following Alaric and rescues him, but he comes back alive as human. Stefan rescues Damon and Enzo and later on meets Caroline, who tells him she does not want to be friends anymore. The episode ends with Elena and Damon meeting in her dorm. |
Narrator: America's top ghost hunters relive their most extreme assignments.
(Woman screams)
This house is beyond haunted.
Narrator: Hardened veterans of the paranormal, these are the cases that truly tested them. There was a evil presence in that house.
Woman: Oh, (bleep) what the hell?
Man: Dude, I got goose bumps. It's in here.
Narrator: In Kansas, a homeowner is attacked by an invisible force with a taste for blood. I had never been on a case where there was so much activity going on simultaneously. What's going on?! leave me alone!
Narrator: In the great lakes, a teenager is targeted by a violent entity. Is it a human spirit or something much worse? This is now not just a regular malevolent haunting. This is something bigger.
Narrator: And in Massachusetts, a troubled spirit reveals a shocking family tragedy that's been hidden for centuries. "Did you have a daughter?" indication was yes.
Narrator: On a quiet street in Atchison, Kansas, stands the home of tony and Debra Pickman. But their lives are anything but peaceful. Since they moved in, troubling events have beset the family. At first, it's small things. Pictures are turned upside down on the walls. Objects get mysteriously moved when backs are turned. Tony begins to have vivid recurring dreams. A girl who calls herself Sallie tries to pull him out of bed. In the morning, tony notices he has burn marks where Sallie had grabbed his arm. When tony mentions the dreams to his neighbors, he is shocked to learn that a child of the house's previous occupants had an imaginary friend named Sallie. Then the activity plaguing tony escalates into something more violent.
Joe: It was tony that was experiencing this stuff, things that were happening to him physically. Scratch marks on his arm, his back. Bruises would appear. He would have burning sensations on his thigh. He got pushed back by a force that just knocked him back. Tony?! what's going on?! Leave me alone! He felt enraged inside. He thought he was gonna do harm to his wife.
Narrator: Confused and terrified, the Pickmans call several paranormal investigators.
Joe: They had various groups come in and try to help them. Nothing seemed to be working, no matter who came in.
Narrator: Increasingly desperate, in 2007, they contact an investigator from Rhode Island. Joe Cetrone has been actively hunting ghosts for over 15 years. As a child, Joe had a terrifying encounter with a spirit. And he's been on a quest to find the truth about the supernatural ever since. What I've learned is to never underestimate the power of what you cannot see.
Narrator: Joe is moved by Tony Pickman's experience. I'm listening to them talk. I can hear the pain in his voice as he's telling us the story. And his wife was telling us. And I just felt like, "you know what?" "I wanna help these people."
Narrator: Joe flies to Kansas with colleague Steve pate to begin an investigation. But when they arrive, Joe gets an unexpected feeling.
Joe: I'm like, "this is it?" I mean, it seems warm and cozy. I'm like, "how could there be any activity there at all?"
Narrator: Tony and Debra show Joe pictures from previous investigators.
Joe: We're looking at some of the early evidence. And, you know, I don't see anything definitive of anything evil in the pictures. Whatever is in here can't be anything harmful.
Narrator: Then the mood changes dramatically. We started smelling lilacs. It is believed that because we can't physically see spirits that sometimes when their presence is around then they can smell that cigar smoke or a certain perfume -- Something to signify that particular spirit. But for us, it was lilacs. And tony lifted up his shirt. He says, "is there anything under my back?" And I'm looking at it. And it's a fresh scratch mark with -- With blood dripping. And I'm just sitting there shocked. I'm like, "did this just happen?"
Steve: For tony to actually physically be scratched, there was definitely something evil going on in the Sallie house.
Joe: Could there be some conflicting battle going on between spirits and tony? I wasn't sure, but, obviously, at that point, I wanted to find out.
Narrator: Joe and Steve begin the investigation in the master bedroom, scene of Tony's first encounter with a spirit named Sallie.
Joe: It would be warm. And then I would take a step further, and all of a sudden, it would just... It would just change. I mean, it would get cold -- really cold. And I'd step back. And it was warm temperature again. We had my digital thermometer. And originally, it was like 67. But where that cold spot was, it was about 45. And we felt it. That's an indicator that there's something paranormal there, an energy that is draining the energy in that house, which drops that temperature down. I had the chills. They're just letting us know that they're there.
Narrator: When Joe asks if there's any other areas of paranormal activity in the house, they lead him to an area previous investigators have called the vortex.
Joe: It would have activity -- A portal, um, a supernatural bus stop where spirits can come to and fro.
Steve: A portal, to me, is a hole to another world -- Maybe something in the past, something in the future or alternate universe.
Joe: And out of nowhere, I started capturing...
(Camera shutter clicking)
...Orbs. An orb is a -- a ball of energy. And a spirit orb is the energy of that spirit. What was unusual about it is as I zoomed in, it looked like a face inside that orb -- Something I had not experienced before.
Steve: I've seen hundreds of orbs and never seen one with a face before. This particular one... And the face was shaped like a skull. You could actually see the sockets where the eyes were and the shape and the mouth.
Narrator: While Joe tries to make sense of the evidence... Aah! ...Tony yells out in pain. He was being targeted, it felt.
Joe: Tony had a fresh wound. Blood was coming down. And, I mean, when you go through this and you can see it happen and you know it is, it's still hard to believe that it's happening. When you're investigating the paranormal and you sense any kind of evil, it's scary. It's terrifying.
Joe: At that point, I'm like, "okay, guys, let's get tony out of here."
Narrator: Concerned for everyone's safety, Joe calls a halt to the investigation.
Joe: To come up with evidence is one thing. But to see somebody get physically harmed, that's another thing. I was like, "you know what? We've gotta close it up." So we left. We went to the hotel.
Narrator: But the ghostly encounters are not over just yet.
Joe: When we went back to the hotel, I was still shocked that he was attacked. I mean, obviously, seeing those scratch marks on his forehead and on his back and the orbs with the faces, it was overwhelming. When I got out of the shower...
(Knock on door)
...Hung the towel on the chair... The other investigator comes in. And we're talking about what happened. The towel that was on the chair lifted up and fell to the ground. There was something there following us. I had never been on a case where there was so much activity going on simultaneously.
Narrator: The next night, Joe and Steve return to the Pickmans'. "Behold"... Steve reads from the bible for extra protection. "Because thou hast made thy"... It'll never hurt to open up a bible. Of course, that's my beliefs, growing up catholic. But as far as that gonna help, I have no idea.
Narrator: They cautiously head into the basement. We're proceeding, going around in that area.
Tony: Ouch! aah! All of a sudden, I hear Tony's been attacked again.
Narrator: Homeowner Tony Pickman is being relentlessly attacked by an evil spirit. And paranormal investigator Joe Cetrone seems powerless to help. All of a sudden, Tony's been attacked again. And there's his blood dripping. And I noticed he'd been scratched on the arm. It was definitely demonic in nature.
Steve: When demonic spirits attack, they're trying to possess someone's body so they can be human. When something that dark has a hold on a place, it's hard to get rid of.
Narrator: Despite not knowing the true identity of the demonic spirit, Joe knows he cannot risk tony getting hurt again. He decides to cleanse the house immediately.
Joe: We had a game plan. Went through each room and prayed. We anointed the windows with holy oil. Whatever was in there, we wanted it out. We wanted it away from this house and away from Deb and Tony. "Fortress... "
Narrator: In the basement, they're met with a malevolent atmosphere. There was something down there that didn't want us there. "Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night"... It was a presence of evil.
Narrator: In the face of the demon, Joe and Steve must summon all their courage to continue the cleanse.
Joe: As we prayed, I could feel that atmosphere kinda change and break. "A thousand shall fall by thy side"... And that eeriness was -- was lifting. We all felt it. We all looked at each other and said, "it's gone." Truthfully, I don't think it was a human spirit at all. I think it was a spirit that could shift any identity it wanted. Scariest part of the investigation was watching tony. It attacked, and I have no explanation as to why. The Sallie house had such an impact on Joe. He doesn't even like to talk about it.
Joe: The Sallie house, for me, is the most intense case that I've done because it made me realize that it's not just about getting your evidence and walking through houses with your cameras. It made me realize that the most important part of investigation, especially when you're dealing with something dark, is the safety of the family and the people you're trying to help, not the evidence you're trying to gain. For me, it's probably the top case that I've ever done.
(Thunder crashes)
Narrator: Coming up, when called to a haunted historic house, one investigator runs into a troubled spirit desperate to reveal a shocking family secret that's been hidden for centuries.
This individual wants to communicate something. And they have people who are now listening to them.
Narrator: But first, a teenage girl is attacked by an entity that is not what it first appears to be.
Woman: Ted, what's the matter?
Narrator: In Elora, a small town in rural Ontario, an ordinary house stands on an ordinary street. But what is happening inside is far from ordinary. In march 2006, the frank family starts to hear angry growling coming from the walls. Doors slam closed with no explanation. And heavy footsteps pace the hallways when no one else is at home. Soon, the activity takes a frightening turn. The family's 14-year-old daughter, Alice, is held down and choked by something in her sleep. But it's not just once. Alice is attacked night after night.
(Gasps)
Something is pushing down on her chest at night, holding her down in her bed. So she is feeling terrorized, and she's nauseous as she tries to close her eyes to get it to stop.
Narrator: Terrified and desperate, the family contacts a paranormal investigator. Michelle Desrochers is the founder of Canada's most haunted paranormal research group. A veteran of over 50 investigations, many involving child victims, Michelle always acts quickly because the young are so vulnerable. When I get e-mails that pertain to children, it always becomes prioritized because things, if you don't catch them on time, can escalate a lot more serious.
(Gasps, panting)
Michelle: I mean, I'm thinking to myself, "what's gonna happen to this girl if I don't nip this right off?"
(Whimpering)
There's something going on here. I need to know what it is. I need to know why. I need to make it stop.
Narrator: Michelle drops everything to investigate before it's too late.
Michelle: For this investigation, I asked my colleague Patrick to join me. And I asked one of our psychic mediums to come along, as well. I had not been in the house a minute, and all of a sudden, I am in this cold spot. That in itself is a little bit unusual. I was actually sitting here like this. Like, I was freezing.
Patrick: I was really cold. And there was a furnace going. But it was extremely, temperature-wise, still freezing cold. Freezing cold is always a sense of something moving around. Or it could be a ghost activity. Probably about 10 minutes in, the medium picks up that there's something behind me. I feel a cold spot again. And it felt very malevolent. And at that point, our medium said, "oh, there's a spirit named Edith here. And she's an older woman. And this was her house."
Narrator: Homeowner Rachel frank is stunned. Edith is her mother. And she's been dead for months.
Narrator: A 14-year-old girl is being violently attacked in her sleep by a vicious entity. Her parents have called in ghost hunter Michelle Desrochers and her team. And almost as soon as they step inside, they make a chilling discovery. There's a spirit named Edith here. And she's an older woman. And this was her house.
Narrator: Edith is the name of the homeowner's recently deceased grandmother. With horror, the family realize that the paranormal activity began soon after she passed away. I couldn't understand why a spirit woman who seemed to be gentle enough would all of a sudden direct anger at one member of the family. That piqued my curiosity.
Narrator: Michelle asks to be shown the grandmother's old room. This is a bad place. The mother was talking about, "it was cold all the time." The rocking chair would move by itself. And just yelling and different things going on. My mother died in this room.
Michelle: Ted? are you all right? Medium just looked at me and goes, "this is not a nice lady." I said to the medium, "ask her if she is the one holding down her granddaughter."
(Sighs)
She's the one.
Narrator: But Michelle is not convinced. Her experience and intuition are telling her that something more sinister is going on. Grandma does not feel like the most prominent energy in this room. I knew that we were dealing with something that was a lot worse. I could smell a bit of sulfur. And I just got really bad smells, sulfuric smells.
Narrator: This couldn't be worse news. Sulfur is a sign of a demonic presence. Is this thing overpowering the spirit of grandma? You know, they are known to hold spirits hostage. This is now not just a regular malevolent haunting. This is something bigger.
Narrator: Investigator Patrick Cross notices something else troubling in the room. There's mirrors everywhere, so the mirrors were facing one another and facing across from the top of the bed. So we believe that there was a vortex being created by the mirrors.
Michelle: It's believed that when two mirrors face one another, they could create a portal. Which means we have a revolving door on the upper level of this house that things can just come in and out of.
Patrick: The mother said she saw lights coming from the mirrors. She said it also growled and made animal sounds. So that's why when we looked at 'em, they said, "we knew there was a vortex from there." We need to take it down.
Narrator: But when they try to close the vortex by removing a mirror, the entity attacks.
Michelle: All of a sudden, the psychic put his hand to his eye and said, "I just got poked in the eye."
Patrick: Looked at him, and his eye was very red, completely red. We didn't know what happened. He said he got poked in the eye.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Groaning)
This just got real.
Narrator: For Michelle, the attack seems to confirm her worst fear -- That the grandmother has been taken over by a violent demonic entity. Michelle decides the only safe course of action is to cleanse the house immediately.
Michelle: There's a very malevolent energy in this room. We want it out. That simple. We were going to smudge the room.
Patrick: It's made of natural herbs. It's off the land. And it's blessed. Anything evil or anything ghostly just doesn't like it.
Michelle: We spent a lot of time smudging over the bed because this is where her spirit left the body. That is a very powerful release of energy. The theory, of course, is to just make it so uncomfortable for the spirit that the air is just so thick with the stuff that they're just gonna vacate the room.
Narrator: The smudging complete, the team heads downstairs. But the activity isn't over yet.
Michelle: All of a sudden, we hear... It sounded like a door slamming.
Patrick: There was nobody up there at the time 'cause all the family was downstairs. The doors were slamming in the grandmother's room.
Michelle: I jumped out of my chair, ran upstairs. No doors were closed. We left everything open. We sat there for about 15 minutes. Did not hear a sound after that. Yes! I hope this means that whatever it is that was up here has just vacated the premises. I hope that this problem is solved. Yes! We left that house feeling confident that night that it was quiet, that the family would be okay.
Narrator: For a few months, life for the family goes back to normal. Then Michelle gets a chilling call from homeowner Rachel frank.
Michelle: Her concern was that her daughter is starting to exhibit signs -- Let's just say a darker personality. She goes, "this is not my little girl." She said, "I think it's starting again. Can you come back?" In my experience in investigating, this is never good. This is something trying to come in and trying to take over -- again. Patrick and I decided we would go back to the house together. And we really weren't sure what to expect this time around.
Narrator: To Michelle's horror, they're greeted by an overpowering stench. I walked over to the bed, and I'm smelling sulfur.
Narrator: It can only mean one thing. The demon is back -- and stronger than before.
Narrator: A violent, negative entity has been terrorizing a teenage girl. Ghost hunter Michelle Desrochers thought she had removed it from the house. I hope that this problem is solved.
Narrator: But the demon has returned -- stronger than before. I'm smelling sulfur. At this point, my concern was I wanted to talk to the daughter. I said, "is there something troubling you? Are you being held down at night again?"
Narrator: Alice's answer is alarming. And she said, "oh, yes." It was a demon in this house trying to possess this girl. Is it dangerous? absolutely. He had her in his grip. I had to break the grip.
Narrator: But to cast out the demon once and for all, Michelle and her team have to be able to communicate with it. So Michelle devises a simple test using a glass of water. I put the glass on the table. And I'm talking to the being. So I said, "I am putting this out there. I want to communicate with the entity that is trying to control this girl. Please come forth." The glass starts to move. Like, just like that, the glass was moving around by itself.
Michelle: I just called it out. I said, "I want you out. I want you gone. This is finished."
Narrator: Now the cleanse can begin. Michelle asks Alice to take the lead so that she might remove all traces of her demonic possession. I wanted to be sure that she would be the one to cast this thing away. I felt her get mad. You know, "don't ever come back here. We're done. I want you gone. I want you out." We want them to fight back. We don't want them to be victims. I want you to go! We're not gonna let the spirit win. We smudged the entire upstairs, starting with the hallway -- So thick with smoke, it could choke a horse. We just saturated it. I wanna make sure this is, like, foolproof.
Narrator: The plan works. The heaviness of the house lifts. And Alice starts to become herself once more.
Michelle: And the mother looked at me and she said, "thank god for you. You've given us back our lives." The frightening part of this investigation for me was the fact that it made me realize how vulnerable we actually are -- Just how strong these things are and how easily we can be manipulated without even realizing it. And when we finally do realize it, they're so -- They've latched on so hard that... How do we get out of something we didn't even know was happening?
Narrator: Usually, paranormal investigators are called into a haunted building to help the owners understand what's going on. But in this next case, it's the ghost that needs the investigators' help the most. In the historic Boston suburb of Jamaica plain stands a mansion built in 1760 by commodore Joshua Loring, a wealthy British naval officer. Now run by a preservation society, the mansion is plagued by mysterious paranormal activity.
(Footsteps approaching)
Visitors and staff report footsteps echoing along empty hallways. Muffled voices are heard when no one else is in the building. And many witnesses tell of the unnerving feeling that they are being watched.
Jack: The preservation society informed us of different activity within the home that had been experienced -- Hearing voices, feelings of, like, "you shouldn't be in this area" Reported in the basement area.
Narrator: The preservation society calls Jack Kenna and his team to investigate. One of New England's most respected ghost hunters, jack is analytical in his approach, thanks to his 30-year career as an engineer with the U.S. Department of defence. But that doesn't mean he is without emotion. The one thing that frightens me about investigating the paranormal is you never know what type of spirit you're communicating with.
Narrator: Jack has been part of dozens of investigations. But this one is special.
Jack: It's a mansion. So it gives its own presence, its own, like, "I need to be respected." It's also very exciting because we are the very first paranormal team to be allowed into the home to investigate it.
Narrator: Jack and his team arrange to spend a night inside. What the team was hoping to accomplish with the investigation was just find out, is there any activity within the home? Or are there other, more natural reasons for those experiences?
Narrator: On the team is seasoned investigator Sharon Koogler. If it looks like there's actually something going on, then we do try to figure out what it is exactly.
Narrator: The team splits up to cover more ground. Sharon heads to the kitchen, while jack ventures into the basement alone.
Jack: Stepping into the basement, I had an intense feeling of being watched. I did get a feeling of "I shouldn't be down there." It was a very strong feeling.
Narrator: Refusing to be intimidated, jack starts searching for entities using his ghost radar device. Ghost radar is an application that can be used on a cellphone or a tablet. It gives you the ability, as an investigator, to ask a question and potentially get an immediate response through a word that you can hear. So they are electronic voice phenomena. But you will actually hear them at the time they're spoken.
Narrator: Ghost radar uses the device's motion, Wi-Fi and GPS sensors to detect fluctuations that could indicate paranormal activity. It can also show you just energy blips on it that may be spirit energy. And you can see little blips of energy. There's blue for low energy, yellow and green for medium energy and red for high energy.
Narrator: Suddenly, something appears on the ghost radar. Jack is not alone.
Narrator: In a haunted Boston, Massachusetts, mansion, ghost hunter Jack Kenna ventures into the basement, leaving his team upstairs. Did get a feeling of "I shouldn't be down there."
Narrator: But he is not alone. Using his ghost radar device, jack attempts to communicate with whatever entity is down there. Was that you? I began to ask questions. "Who's here with me?" The ghost radar speaks the word "colony."
Narrator: Jack suspects the response refers to the fact that America was still a British colony when the mansion was built. Could he be speaking to the centuries-old spirit of one of the Loring family? All right, I just felt you. Okay. It's okay. So we got the name Joseph, a male voice saying, "Joseph." And there was a Joseph Loring in -- Of the original family who owned the home. All right.
Narrator: Whoever the spirit is, it's not content with just talking. That's when I felt a hand on my shoulder, something touch my shoulder, actually became afraid. I went back up the stairs, turned the light on. Little bit freaky. Wasn't expecting it, especially that quickly into an investigation. 'Cause it takes a lot of energy for them to do things like that, especially touching you.
Narrator: After taking a few minutes to regain his composure, jack heads back into the basement.
Jack: I shut the light back off.
Narrator: It's not long before the ghost radar has another message.
Jack: Can you make the other device? And then the ghost radar speaks, "shoulder," Which I had just been touched on the shoulder. And I'm alone there by myself. You know there's something down there with you at this point. You don't know what it is or what its intent is. I've been touched. I'm having these feelings of anxiety, a little bit afraid. I don't wanna be in the creepy basement by myself. I just wanna get out of there.
Narrator: Meanwhile, upstairs, Sharon's team is encountering activity of their own. We thought we heard footsteps, like, out in the hallway. We wandered down the hall, didn't hear it after that. So hard to tell if it was actual footsteps.
Narrator: In the kitchen, Sharon begins an electronic voice phenomena, or EVP, session to record the sounds of any ghosts present.
Sharon: Come on. Then just as they're getting ready to leave, they capture a voice. It's an EVP of a woman's voice saying, "I'm coming with you."
Woman: I'm coming with you. I'm coming with you. You know, that's pretty intense. Definitely, there's something intelligent in there.
Narrator: The EVP session is brought to an end when jack calls them upstairs to join him in the master bedroom.
Jack: We're all gathered around this table in the center of the room, where I've got the k-ii device set up. I've got the ghost radar device set up. And I've got the camera set up. And at that point, there's an EVP captured saying, "I'm back with you." Female voice saying, "I'm back with you."
Narrator: Jack believes the spirit Sharon encountered in the kitchen has followed them. And he wants to know who this spirit is.
Jack: So I started asking questions -- "are you the Loring family?" K-II flashes for that. So I'm like, "okay. So you're the Loring family?" Are you Commodore Loring's wife? Yes or no? Are you one of his daughters? Yes. Flashes again. And it responds "yes." But it's a very quiet response. And what I'm feeling is that this individual wants to communicate something. They're very intense about getting this story out, whatever the story is. We know it could be, maybe, embarrassing, what you're -- we're talking about. But if you need it to be known, yes, you do. I started getting a feeling of embarrassment, like maybe something happened that shouldn't have happened. "Does it have something to do with a child?" And the response to that is "yes." And I don't know why I'm starting to get these thoughts that maybe something happened here that wasn't good.
Narrator: But nothing could prepare jack for what the spirit would reveal next.
Narrator: While investigating a historic Massachusetts mansion, investigator Jack Kenna has encountered something dark in the basement. Then the spirit of the daughter of the mansion's original owner makes herself known. And jack believes she has a secret to tell.
Jack: And I don't know why I'm starting to get these thoughts that maybe something happened here that wasn't good. I said, did you have a child?" Response is "yes." So, do you wanna talk about it? I asked the question, you know, "were you raped?" Is that what I'm understanding? Response was very quiet again. But there was an indication that "yes."
Sharon: You know, to have something like that come up, that's -- yeah. That's pretty intense. So I think everybody was shocked and just like, "wow."
Narrator: Jack continues to probe, hoping the answers will put the spirit to rest and end the paranormal activity in the mansion.
Jack: "Did you have a daughter?" indication was "yes." You wanna talk about your daughter, what happened to her?
Narrator: The spirit has more shocking revelations. "Was she killed?" response seemed to be "yes." Did your father get rid of her? Yes. Two pretty profound experiences going on. We've got Hannah, on one hand, who describes being raped, having a child. And that child is gone. On the other hand, I've got the experience in the basement with being touched on the shoulder, capturing the name "Joseph" on an EVP, which is a male spirit.
Narrator: Jack can't be sure that the spirit haunting the basement is connected with Hannah's tragic story.
Jack: What do I really believe? That Hannah was raped by one of her family members. This was what she indicated. It's what she said. But this shouldn't happen to anybody. Nobody should have to go through this.
Narrator: Feeling emotionally involved in Hannah's story, jack searches the family archives to prove his theory. So now I wanna really dig into the history. Can I find out if this is actually true?
Narrator: The records seem to confirm jack's evidence. We do find out that there was a daughter, Mary, born into the Loring family. And she's the only child in the Loring family there's no further information on. At the time, Hannah would've been between the ages of 17 to 18 when this Mary was born. The family was a very prominent family. They wouldn't want anything known about this. And they would wanna get rid of the child. That daughter was taken away. And she never saw her daughter again. The fact that there's only one record, even, that mentions this daughter, Mary. It's like she was wiped from the family records completely. But Hannah needed to get that out. She needed to have that story told because it was her daughter.
Narrator: Jack tries to put Hannah's mind at ease by telling her story to the mansion's preservation society. They decide to let the spirits stay.
Jack: To tell that story for her had extremely special meaning for me. It's unlike any investigation we've done. Usually, we're trying to help a human client. In this particular case, we're trying to help the spirit. It's just heartbreaking, in some senses, with regards to her story. But it is an incredible experience. And it is an honor, as well. | Plan: A: Michelle; Q: Who tries to stop a demonic spirit? A: child ghosts; Q: What does a hunter fear? A: a family; Q: What is a hunter called to help in Massachusetts? A: Richard; Q: Who faces a whole family of spirits in an Italian restaurant? Summary: Michelle tries to stop a demonic spirit; a hunter faces his own fear of child ghosts when called to help a family in Massachusetts; Richard faces a whole family of spirits in an Italian restaurant. |
Scene: The apartment.
Leonard: The math is all there. It's not real.
Penny: Yes, it is.
Sheldon: Yeah,uh, look, it is scientifically impossible for a person to tip a cow. Even you, with your stocky build and lumberjack shoulders, you couldn't do it.
Raj: It's horrible. Why would you push a cow over? They're sacred.
Penny: Oh, stop it. I've seen you eat, like, a million hamburgers.
Raj: Hey, an animal can be both sacred and delicious.
Penny: Look, I'm telling you I've done it, okay? I clearly remember the cow standing up and then the cow on its side.
Leonard: Were you drunk?
Penny: I was 16 in Nebraska. What do you think?
Leonard: I think you're the one who fell over.
Penny: That would explain why the sky was also on its side.
Howard: Hey.
Penny: Howard. Cow tipping. Real or not?
Howard: Mmm. I'm gonna say not. That's just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she's snoring. Speaking of that big side of beef, uh, she's invited all of you to Thanksgiving at her house.
Sheldon: Mmm. You know, I've been told that a bald refusal of an invitation is rude and one must instead offer up a polite excuse, so I'd love to go, but, unfortunately, that sounds awful.
Howard: Come on, it'll be fun.
Penny: Uh, we were actually gonna do it here.
Howard: Please? Bernadette's bringing her dad 'cause her mom's out of town, and I never have anything to say to that guy.
Sheldon: Oh, since you put it that way, I'd love to go, but that sounds even more awful.
Leonard: It'd actually be nice to not hear Sheldon complain about my cooking all day.
Sheldon: Uh, excuse me, but every year you prepare a terrible meal and every year I criticize it. Do our traditions mean nothing to you?
Leonard: I want to go.
Penny: Yeah, me, too.
Raj: I'm in.
Howard: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Ugh, fine, I'll go. But if her food is delicious, Thanksgiving is ruined, and it's on you. Credits sequence.
Scene: The apartment.
Sheldon: Do we really have to go to Mrs. Wolowitz's house?
Amy: We do. And I expect you to be on your best behaviour.
Sheldon: Now I know how the African slaves felt. Being dragged from their homes to labour under the yoke of the white man.
Amy: Are you honestly comparing Thanksgiving dinner at Wolowitz's mom's with one of the greatest tragedies in the history of mankind?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Sheldon, you can have a nice Thanksgiving anywhere. I spent one in Vegas.
Leonard: You did?
Penny: Yeah, back when I was dating Zack. It was actually more fun than I thought. We gambled, we went to one of those cheesy wedding chapels, we had a really good turkey dinner. Which was surprising, since we were at a strip club.
Leonard: Wait, you went to a chapel?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: Why?
Penny: We had one of those silly fake weddings.
Leonard: Penny, you know those are real, right?
Penny: No, they're not.
Leonard: Yeah, they are.
Penny: No, they're not.
Leonard: Yeah, they are.
Sheldon: He's right.
Amy: They're real.
Penny: But it didn't seem real.
Sheldon: Let me ask you a question. At any point, was Las Vegas on its side?
Scene: Mrs Wolowitz's house.
Bernadette: Hi, Dad.
Mike: Hi, honey.
Bernadette: Oh, you brought beer for everybody.
Mike: Uh, okay, yeah, it's for everybody. I really just wanted to have a nice, quiet day at home and watch the game.
Bernadette: You can have a quiet day and watch the game here.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): Howard, the medicine's not working.
Howard (off): You just took it. At least let it reach your first stomach. (entering) Hey, Mike. Let me help you out, there.
Mike: Thanks. What's wrong with your mom?
Howard: Oh, her gout's flaring up. Turns out an apple pie a day does not keep the doctor away.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): How can one little toe hurt so bad?
Howard: Maybe because that little piggy is being crushed by the barn. She should quiet down soon. I gave her enough pain meds to choke a, well, her.
Bernadette: I guess we're gonna have to do all the cooking.
Howard: I have a better idea.
Bernadette: If you think you're gonna make me do all this by myself, you're crazy.
Howard: I was gonna make Raj do it all by himself.
Bernadette: Oh, well, that's a great idea.
Scene: Leonard's car.
Amy: No traffic, we're sailing.
Sheldon: Yes. Like we're on a ship. Coming from Africa to America.
Amy: Sheldon, that's completely inappropriate. You can't keep comparing yourself to a slave.
Sheldon: Yes, Miss Amy.
Leonard: I can't believe you're married to that idiot.
Penny: Ugh, would you stop? We just did it as a goof.
Leonard: Well, a goof or not, you're actually married. You need to get this taken care of.
Penny: I will. Why are you making this such a big deal?
Sheldon: Oh, oh, oh, I have a reason. It could be because you said yes to marrying Zack, but every time Leonard's proposed, he's gotten a resounding no. Yeah, that's just off the top of my head.
Penny: So how do I undo this?
Leonard: I'm hoping you can get an annulment. It's just like it never happened.
Penny: Great, well, what do I have to do?
Amy: It says here you can get an annulment if any of the following conditions are met. Were you unable to consummate the marriage?
Sheldon: Hah!Penny? Next.
Amy: Is there any evidence of fraud, bigamy, want of understanding?
Penny: Want of understanding? What does that even mean?
Amy: Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.
Scene: Mrs Wolowitz's kitchen.
Bernadette: Thanks for saving the day.
Raj: Ah, no problem. It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without an Indian providing the food. Uh, now, where does your mom keep the Crisco?
Howard: Um, I don't know. Probably in a wad in her cheek.
Bernadette: I'll help Raj in here. Why don't you go keep my dad company?
Howard: He doesn't want me in there. I'm the creepy little guy who has s*x with his daughter.
Bernadette: Don't be silly, he loves you.
Howard: Does he?
Bernadette: Okay, he cares about you a lot.
Howard: Really?
Scene: The living room.
Bernadette: I do crap for you all the time. Get out there.
Howard: So your wife's in Arizona with the grandkids?
Mike: Uh-huh.
Howard: You know, my mom's been to Arizona. She rode one of those mules down in the Grand Canyon. Long story short, they had to shoot it. 'Cause she's so fat. I'll get the door while you finish laughing. Hey, guys.
Amy: Happy Thanksgiving.
Sheldon: It smells wonderful. Is anyone slaving away in the kitchen? Because I, too, know...
Amy: Sheldon.
Penny: Here. Thank you for having us.
Howard: What's with you?
Leonard: Oh, she's mad at me because she just found out she's married to Zack.
Howard: Really? That dumb-ass she used to date? That's hysterical.
Penny: I can't believe I felt bad for opening this in the car.
Scene: The kitchen.
Amy: You need any help?
Raj: Uh, yeah, can you, uh, reach that, uh, gravy boat up there?
Amy: Uh, sure.
Raj: Great. That makes one of you. Okay, we have a lot to do and not much time to do it. Bernadette, you're on corn, gravy and yam detail. Amy, you're on rolls, cranberries and making sure Bernadette stays away from the marshmallows. That's right, I see you. Okay, if you have any questions, I'll be over here basting my ass off. Focus is key.
Amy: Did you guys know Penny married Zack three years ago?
Together: What?
Scene: The living room.
Howard: You ever play football?
Mike: A little in college. You?
Howard: No. But I did get tackled in the hallway once. The whole school cheered.
Leonard: Okay, I found the, uh, court papers that you and Zack need to fill out. I'll print them when we get home.
Penny: Fine.
Leonard: And we can just put this whole thing behind us.
Penny: Are you done?
Leonard: What?
Penny: Look, I get it, I screwed up. Is this all we're gonna talk about the rest of the day?
Leonard: Why are you mad at me? You're the one that did the stupid thing. I'm just trying to fix it.
Penny: Ugh, I need some air.
Leonard: Wuh, Penny.
Sheldon: I don't know the first thing about women, but I would not follow her.
Mike: Listen to Stretch.
Leonard: How am I the bad guy? She's the one who married someone else. I'm the victim.
Howard: Sounds like Zack's the victim. You're sleeping with his wife.
Mike: I've kept my marriage together for 35 years. Can I weigh in here?
Leonard: Sure.
Mike: I'm trying to watch the game. Shut up. Oh, how do you not make a first down there?
Sheldon: They passed against a nickel defence. They should have run it off-tackle.
Mike: How the hell do you know that?
Sheldon: My father loved football. He always made me watch it before I was allowed to do my homework.
Penny: Well, you'll be happy to know I just spoke to Zack and he's willing to sign the court papers. He's on his way here now.
Leonard: Wait, you invited him here?
Penny: Yeah.
Mike: I'm getting ready to weigh in again.
Leonard: Come on.
Mike: What do you think they ought to do now?
Sheldon: I would throw a quick slant to a wideout, given that the defence is showing blitz.
Howard: Oh, I love a good blitz, especially with sour cream. Get it? 'Cause it sounds like blintz.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): Did someone say blintz?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene: The dining room.
Leonard: I just don't understand why you invited him here today.
Penny: Because you wouldn't shut up about it. When I called him, he had nothing to do, so I just thought it would...
Raj: Hey, guys, I'm trying to cook in here.
Penny: Oh, sorry. We'll keep it down.
Raj: No, no, speak up. I'm about to use the blender, and I don't want to miss anything.
Leonard: Well, you might have to cook for one more because she invited Zack.
Bernadette: What?
Amy: Ooh!
Raj: My, my. The plot, like my gravy, thickens.
Scene: The living room.
Sheldon: I don't care for your mother's bathroom. There's not an angle to do one's business without a clown figurine staring at you.
Howard: That's why I sit.
Mike: Yeah, that's why. You remember the Thanksgiving game when it snowed in Dallas?
Sheldon: 1993. Leon Lett blew the game in the final seconds and the Dolphins emerged victorious. Then I finally got to do my calculus.
Mike: I was so pissed, I wanted to shoot my TV.
Sheldon: So was my dad. And then he did.
Howard: Anyone need a beer?
Mike: Yeah.
Howard: Thank God.
Mike: So, does your dad still live in Texas?
Sheldon: No. He died when I was 14.
Mike: I'm sorry to hear that.
Sheldon: So was the man who owned the local liquor store. He cried and cried.
Howard: Here you go.
Mike: Oh, thanks. So, if your dad died when you were 14, you were never old enough to have a beer with the man.
Sheldon: No, sir. He did try to give me one for my high school graduation, but I was 11 and my mom said no.
Mike: Well, you're having one with me.
Sheldon: All right.
Mike: To your dad.
Howard: I never had a beer with my dad, either.
Sheldon: Do you mind? We're having a moment here.
Scene: The kitchen.
Amy: I can't believe Penny's married to Zack.
Raj: Wonder what she saw in that guy.
Bernadette: I don't know. He's sweet, he's tall, handsome.
Amy: Broad shoulders, good hair.
Raj: Hmm. Wonder what she sees in Leonard.
Bernadette: How's it going out there?
Howard: Sheldon and your dad are bonding and completely ignoring me.
Amy: I know how you feel. Sheldon ignored me for a week when he got that Roomba vacuum. I kick it when he's not looking.
Bernadette: What are they doing?
Howard: They're drinking beer and watching football.
Bernadette: So why don't you do that with them?
Howard: They don't want me.
Bernadette: What do you mean?
Howard: Well, Sheldon started talking about how his dad isn't alive any more, and they were toasting, and I tried to tell them about how sad I was when my dad abandoned...
Amy: Zack's here!
Raj: Stir the gravy.
Bernadette: Sorry. I really want to hear how sad you are. I'll be back in like five, ten minutes.
Scene: The dining room.
Leonard: Sorry she made you come over here on a holiday.
Zack: It's all right. I didn't have anything going on. Plus, Penny told me we're married, and Thanksgiving's a time to be with family.
Penny: Yeah, okay, great. Can we just get this over with?
Leonard: Yeah, uh, you guys have to sign here and here. On Monday, we'll file for the annulment, and this marriage will be over.
Penny: Okay.
Zack: I don't know if I want to sign it.
Raj, Bernadette and Amy: Ooh.
Leonard: Why won't you sign it?
Zack: I just think splitting up can be rough on kids.
Penny: We don't have any kids.
Zack: Are you sure? 'Cause you didn't know we were married until this morning.
Penny: Okay, look, Zack, come on. You know neither of us thought this was real. I mean, we were married by an Elvis impersonator.
Zack: Of course it was an impersonator. We could never afford a real Elvis.
Leonard: You married him instead of me? Good call. Sign the papers.
Penny: Hang on. You know what? You have been a jerk about this all day. You always do this, whenever I mess up, you're right there to make me feel even worse about it.
Leonard: That is not true.
Penny: Yeah, we could've waited till Monday, signed the papers, this all would have been over.
Leonard: You're the one who invited him here.
Penny: Oh, there you go again, just another mistake you're throwing in my face.
Zack: Not cool, bro. I'm starting to think you're not the kind of guy I want dating my wife.
Leonard: Yeah, well, she's not gonna be your wife for long.
Zack: Oh, no. Are you dying?
Penny: I'm about to. Sign the paper.
Zack: Know what they say, happy wife, happy life. Let's eat.
Scene: The living room.
Sheldon (burping): Two, three, eight, four, six. (Normal) That's all I can do without throwing up.
Mike: That is not what I expected when you said you were gonna burp pie.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): Did somebody say pie?
Mike: I don't know what's scarier, the bathroom clowns or the woman that put them there.
Sheldon: All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car. And there's the clown that came out of her. I really didn't want to come here, but this is shaping up to be one of the best Thanksgivings I've had in a long time.
Mike: Me, too.
Bernadette: Hey. Howie says you've been making fun of him all day. Now, both of you apologize right now.
Sheldon: She's so tiny. It's funny when she's mad.
Amy: All right, mister, I think you owe Howard and Bernadette an apology.
Sheldon: Perhaps you're right. I'm sorry for my behaviour. I've had alcohol, and it's caused me to be inappropriate.
Bernadette: It's okay.
Howard: Don't worry about it.
Amy: Thank you.
Sheldon: Ain't she great?
Mike: Mmm.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Now, how's about you get us a couple of beers?
Scene: The dining room.
Bernadette: Thanks again for cooking.
Amy: Yeah, everything was delicious.
Raj: Well, I couldn't have done it without my two favourite girls. Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray.
Mike: Hey, Sheldon, what do you say we go outside and throw around the old pigskin?
Sheldon: This is a Jewish house. I don't think they have pigskin.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): Did someone say pigskin?
Penny: Hey, I'm sorry about today. And I promise, next time I get married, it won't be a joke. It'll be for love. Or money.
Leonard: I'm sorry, too.
Zack: Don't be. It's my fault. I was a terrible husband. I was never around.
Mike: I know I'm hard on you, but you're not the worst son-in-law in the world.
Howard: Mike, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Mike: Well, I'm drunk.
Sheldon: I just vomited on a lot of clowns. | Plan: A: The gang; Q: Who spends Thanksgiving at Mrs. Wolowitz's house? A: her gout; Q: What is Mrs. Wolowitz suffering from? A: Penny; Q: Who has invited Zack over to sign the annulment papers? A: Las Vegas; Q: Where did Penny spend Thanksgiving with her ex-boyfriend Zack? A: her ex-boyfriend Zack; Q: Who did Penny have a fake wedding with? A: the wedding; Q: What did Penny's friends tell her was real? A: tension; Q: What does Penny's wedding cause between her and Leonard? A: Leonard; Q: Who does Penny reconcile with after the wedding? A: his father; Q: Who did Sheldon watch football with as a child? A: Mike; Q: Who is Howard's father-in-law? A: Sheldon; Q: Who does Mike bond with? A: beers; Q: What does Mike share with Sheldon to comfort him? A: Amy orders; Q: Who orders Sheldon to apologize to Howard? A: the physical attention; Q: What does Amy enjoy about Sheldon's behavior? A: the annulment papers; Q: What does Penny want Zack to sign to end their marriage? A: the excitement; Q: What do Raj, Bernadette and Amy enjoy about Zack signing the annulment papers? A: concern; Q: What emotion does Zack express when he is reluctant to sign the annulment papers? A: Penny demands; Q: Who made Zack sign the papers? A: his kindness; Q: What does Mike attribute to Howard being drunk? Summary: The gang spends Thanksgiving at Mrs. Wolowitz's house. As she is laid up in bed (because her gout is acting up), Raj, Bernadette and Amy cook. Penny recalls her Thanksgiving in Las Vegas with her ex-boyfriend Zack, and their "fake" wedding. Her friends tell her the wedding was real, so she is legally married, causing tension between her and Leonard. Howard vainly tries to bond with his father-in-law, Mike, who instead starts to bond over football with Sheldon, who is apparently very knowledgeable as he was forced to watch the game with his father as a child. After Mike shares beers with Sheldon to comfort him because his father died while he was young, they continue to hit it off. Amy orders Sheldon to apologize to Howard after insulting him. A now-drunk Sheldon gestures to Amy, says to Mike, "Ain't she great?", and then swats her on the rear and suggests she get them more beers. Amy is shocked, but delighted at the physical attention. Meanwhile, Penny has invited Zack over to sign the annulment papers to end their marriage (to the excitement of Raj, Bernadette and Amy). Zack is at first reluctant to sign, expressing concern at how ending the marriage will affect their non-existent kids. Penny demands he sign, and he does. Mike finally compliments Howard, but then attributes his kindness to being drunk. Penny and Leonard reconcile. |
Meredith and Cristina, 40 years later ...
Meredith: What are you doing?
Cristina: I eat cereal
Meredith: I made a chicken for dinner
Meredith: Chicken: It's serious?
Meredith: You must be hungry now more
Cristina: Oh, you're going to kill as usual
Meredith: But no. I'll cut to the outside of the mediastinum
Cristina: You can not see without your glasses mediastinum.
Meredith: Damn! where are my glasses
Cristina: Okay. No, it raises Here there Right there! Move!
Meredith: What would I do without you?
Cristina: You would die of hunger!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hunt: A damsel in distress!
Meredith: Put this on a monitor, a portable radio application I'll cut above!
Cristina: That's between 9th and 10th intercostal space No hemo or pneumothorax. My vitals are stable!
Hunt: I would not ...
Cristina: Mind your own business!
Meredith: Who is this guy?
Cristina: Take away that about me, I already screwed up before the chief today once I can not ... I missed a suture and look at me now I'm number 12 Wed, please do not let anyone see me like that okay?
Richard: Yang ... good god what is happening? Put this on monitoring and request a portable radio!
Meredith: It's done
Richard: Check his breathing capacity
Meredith: It's done
Cristina: You see? Breathing is clear!
Richard: You shut up! Grey, what do you recommend as a treatment?
Meredith: I think we should expect for the radio!
Cristina: I'm fine!
Meredith: But with regard to infection? This thing could infect them with water from the roof which has entered the body!
Cristina: That's why we need to remove it!
Hunt: Leave it where it is, that you stabbed the chest, you still have a chance to breathe We must let the knife until you know how it is inside, Leave!
Cristina: Take that!
Richard: Let All the while there, you can teach your house how you treat! It is a good opportunity to review the basics
Cristina: But I have to keep Vincent Kenner.
Richard Grey, Vincent kenner is your responsibility now, but keep in mind that it is my patient and I'm not ready to lose another trauma today, keep this man alive, I can see DR.Hunt?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Izzieie: You think you can restore his memory?
Derek: Well, I was able to suck the blood and remove the pressure. Not sure I'm optimistic, but optimistic blade 15 please! ahhhh!
Izzie: Something is not DR. Shepherd?
Rose: Oh, my god!
Derek: DR. Hahn asked me about teaching, Here's a tip: when you place an 15 blade make sure the winning side Aspirate the blood while I clean the blade and my team a new glove
[SCENE_BREAK]
-It will go?
Lexie: Except for her voice!
Alex: Her abdomen is soft, it needs another scan -Michael, insurance, it is a mistake? There must be a mistake.Listen, give me a name and number and I'll do it, you'll be fine, okay? Everything will be fine?
Lexie: Uh, maybe later! -Sarabeth. Come on, baby ..
[SCENE_BREAK]
Derek: What is happening?
Richard: We will freeze.
Derek: Without my consent? No, I do not think
Hunt: You want to be the doctor who has not tried everything to this man? To prevent the wheelchair the rest of his life!
Derek: Get out of my patient's room
Hunt: I have no orders to take a civil
Derek: Listen, you arrogant ...
Richard Shepherd.
Derek: Okay, now this patient is stable, it will not work may be more but if you try it might develop a clot that would kill him!
Richard: We're going to do with freezing!
Derek: Since this morning, you were nervous about everything, impulsive, trying to prove you're not a number 12, and you're not. But now, in making this decision you act like a "12" Good luck with the patient DR. Torres!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Derek: You know the chef is in love with the man in camouflage
Mark: He saved the life of my patient, nothing else, a life saved, What happens with your hand?
Derek: Oh, scalpel. Rose. Not intentional!
Mark: It's like a dead mouse on the floor of your kitchen at one point you must pick it up and throw you want me to take a look at that?
Derek: Wed will take care
Mark: I am an artist renowned Grey is a resident
Derek: I have the right to s*x, especially when I'm injured
[SCENE_BREAK]
-I am well placed?
Cristina: If it's for a mamographie Further down the right number two, what do you do?
Number 2: uh, I put the cloth to protect your games ...
Cristina: Get out of my parts! Oh, gently, gently, gently!
Meredith: How are things?
Cristina: Please, take my radio because my house are idiots How will Mr. Kenner?
Meredith: Well it is stable but ..
Cristina: You can not let him die
Meredith: I do my best. Get ready!
Cristina: I'm at it, go ahead!
Meredith: No get ready because I want to ask you a question
Cristina: What?
Meredith: What did you mean to me and Derek?
Cristina: Oh, it's not fair-I am impaled on ...
Meredith: I know I talk a lot And I know that I was weak, sticky disgusting and if I had to listen, I vomit But you also say that because you're angry it's not what you mean!
Cristina: Can you just take my radio And it does not matter what I say!
Meredith: Of course if it's important ... Of course it's important!
Cristina: You! Stop! Stop taking pictures and my radio!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Meredith: Anna. Are you okay?
Anna: Her world collapses and she has no idea what's all my fault, What can I do? I know, I'm a bad person but what can I do?
Meredith: She needs to hear you You are her best friend even if it is the most terrible thing you need to tell it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Izzie: hey! Callie will freeze a patient you want to come see it?Hey ho? Alex? Why you ignore me?
Alex: I hope that if I wait long enough, you're annoyed by the sound of your voice and you end with your tongue Okay.
Izzie: What did I do?
Alex: You know it!
Izzie: No Alex, just tell me what I did? I think ...
Alex: Shut up. I had a bad night and I cried like a girl I want to blow You should blow too!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Callie: You will feel cold when the saline solution will flow into your veins to lower your body temperature
And if it works, I can walk?
Callie: If it works as hoped, you will walk -Okay, uh ... I ... I'm getting cold
Callie: The temperature is stable at 36 Head, he puts another thermal blanket?
Richard: It's up to you, DR. Torres. It's your head. That's what a leader of a teaching hospital is a number It goes hand surgeons gifted and leaves lead
Calliie: Ok DR. Bailey?
Bailey: Absolutely agree sir! -Warm and toasty
Bailey: His pulse is now falling are you sure ... Richard dropped to 52
Callie: yes, it is normal pulse rate down -Okay, how long it lasts yet?
Callie: Not much longer, okay? You are awesome!
Bailey: Continue to think warm and toasty -Okay. I try
Callie: Well
[SCENE_BREAK]
Derek: No. 12, my ass, you wanna know how I cut my hand?It's a good story!
Meredith: I'm not sure that notes move is a good idea
Derek: Okay. Well
Meredith: Well? What does that mean?
Derek: I mean I know you!
Meredith: So what, you think I did not want to move in with you at first
Derek: I think what you believe Listen, I'll take it slow, baby steps to free lunge You're like a deer woods
Meredith: Okay, I built the house in candles This is unprecedented in the adventures of Meredith
Derek: Well, then emménageons together.
Meredith: Well
Derek: Unless of course, you want to go ahead and get married! ahhhh, gotcha! Want to know how I get that? This is related to the history of the cut of my hand!
Izzie: What did you say to Alex?
Meredith: I did not say anything I just said it was nice that you are friends again!
Izzie: Oh, sh1t, Meredith. Why do not you take care of your business? You know what? Forget, I will have nothing to tell you, You can keep anything for you unless it's for Cristina
Meredith: Izzie!
Derek: Marriage?
Meredith: It's not funny!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Alex: DR. Bailey!
Bailey: Yeah.
Alex: Michael Briar's abdomen is more flexible, So now I guess we have to do radio, but if you start the operation after midnight, it is more assured You put it into bankruptcy I say we should forget radios?
Bailey: Oh, you .. you say? No you say anything, you ask and the answer is that we omit the steps to save money, Make him his radio!
Callie: Phillip, you are awesome I give you a little more sedative and a paralytic to stop your shivering Okay?
Phillip: okay!
Richard: Okay, we need to intubate Bailey. Ok, here we go One, two, three and one goes down
Callie: It came down to 32 degrees I think it is a little low this is a little low?
Richard: It is you who have done the research
Callie: I think it is too low, Oh, my god!
Bailey: Okay, now what? How do you pay that? Is what is recommended lidocaine or amiodarone DR. Torres? Uh, DR.Torres?
Richard: He beats!
Callie: uh may be cardiopulmonary resuscitation?
Bailey: No, should avoid contact with decompression of the spinal cord of Shepherd Unless it is absolutely necessary
Callie: Oh, sh1t, sh1t
Richard: His heart will probably stop soon
Callie: I do not know, I, I know ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
-How is he?
Meredith: We gave him medication to keep his blood pressure, but Betty's husband is not as stable as we would like. -They phillip ... The froze ... To try to help him walk again ... I do not know They have clearly explained to me And the brain surgery of Betty, and the poor here that clings Vincent and Michael ... It's good Let's get over that is has always done. I would just like he looks at me ... -Sarabeth ... Michael lost his job eight months there -What? -His box has toned it ... He had not the courage to say it ... he felt himself shot -Why? I ... You ... how do you know? He told you, he told you ... -Sarabeth ... Anna ... Is that you sleep with my husband? I am a ..
Meredith: He is feverish, code blue Please come out please.Injects an ear of an atropine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hahn: You started ECMO? You're going to bleed to death and replace it?
Richard: It was the only thing to do DR. Hahn. It would not shake her spine Ca based his heart Now we need the monitor until it is aware you are with us?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Alex: I sent Michael in radio I hope we can make the deadline but before the midnight approaches, so ...
-It could not matter, I do not care You know something about the husband of Betty? It ... I think he will die, you hear something?
Alex: No I do not know Why men cheat? My husband slept with my friend He lost his job and then sleep with my girlfriend and all the while telling me he loves me Why?
Alex: Can be had - he depressed? He was weak and did not want to see you like him, sad .. As a man he has his pride, he turned away This is not good, but ... Does not mean he no longer cared for you I promise.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hahn: So ready to start
Richard: Here we go
Bailey: He looks tachycardia should be shocking, give adenosine?
Hahn: Well, normally I would say yes but then this man is an ice cube
Richard: DR. Torres, in your research, have you seen anything similar to this case?
Callie: I do not know, I know I mean, uh ... I think I messed up there I mean, I can not know, maybe, it would be good, can be ...
Hahn: look at me, look at me. You must focus yourself trying to find something new There's nothing wrong with the new opening new horizons, push the boundaries that comes with the job So, DR. Torres, take a breath stop panicking What is your research say?
Callie: My research showed that ... That, um ... Arrhythmias can occur at a certain threshold Ca appears between 33 and 33 and a half degree is about 32 now
Richard: Okay, so ...
Bailey: You could use ECMO to return it to us
Callie: Yes but not too fast, it could cause other problems
Hahn: Okay, we seem to be heating
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cristina: What do you see?
-Um, it looks to have hit anything?
Cristina: It looks to have hit anything? Because it did not hit! -So how .. how does it work?
Cristina: What are you talking about, how does it work? You know how to read a radio? -You ... you always read the
Cristina: Get out! All out! And go get someone with a brain
Hunt: This is your house? They seem to be afraid of you!
Cristina: I'm not scary! uh, what do you do? This is my peak in ice, Yeah. You've taken my peak, so I have not given permission
Hunt: So what?
Meredith: Cristina ...
Cristina: He's dead!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Derek: My patient is still alive?
Richard: It is stable
Derek: You left a soldier convince you to do something that could have killed that man!
Richard: He deserved his chance
Derek: There was no certainty that it could help him or hurt him.
Richard: He deserved his luck, Derek. He had the best chance that the hospital could give I have not been very attentive in recent years I have been too cozy ...
Derek: It's not about being cozy
Richard: If I think that Meredith is here, the daughter of Elli ...
Meredith: Right. Vincent Kenner ... he was given 31 units of blood, plasma of multiple liters of saline were done all we could do was unable to revive her.
Richard: You do not know all he can do. None of you You're halfway through your 2nd year resident and you walk into this hospital as if God permits you Well this is not the DR. Grey. I assure you you are here to do what I say and that's the only thing I ask
Derek: Richard! ... You would not have saved Richard can not save everyone
Richard: We should try harder. We must try harder.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Alex: Michael, Sarabeth is here. It is a little tired, radio has shown that its empire While hematoma Dr. Bailey and I will take him to the operating room.
Lexie: But you wrote that letter!
-It does not interest me
Lexie: "Sarabeth." Um sorry, it's not me it's the letter says Ca ... "I know you hate me .. it's still not me, it's the letter I will read it, you hate me now And you're absolutely right, I have betrayed you I have betrayed our marriage But I lost my job and I could not tell you when I said to Anna, It was stupid And I would tell you a million times and make you understand how much I'm sorry But I could not vote, then I beg you to listen to your heart, Oh, it's so poetic ... It was me ... not him .. if you could désolé.sijust listen with your heart when I'm telling you, I know you will forgive me but I would not now everything in my power to whatever is happening and what you decide to do I will love you until the end of my life ... That's it, finished speaking It's the end!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Betty?
Izzie: She is not awake yet but you can see if you want And his memory?
Izzie: we do not know yet -Oh, no. Oh, please, do not say that
Meredith: I'm sorry. Vincent ... -Oh, my god, my god, not
Meredith: I'm so sorry ... Sarabeth. No, no, no -Sarabeth ... Vincent died and Betty ... We do not know if it will go and .. and Phillip and Michael -Do not say his name to me -Sarabeth ... A lot of bad things happened today more than what could happen to us We have already been lucky until now I took it for granted I took you for granted We were friends50 years since we were little girls And I did ... But a horrible mistake I need my best friend -You slept with my husband Please do- -I would like to see Betty, I would like to see my friend.
Meredith: I'm sorry about Alex
Izzie: I forgive you
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cristina: Tell me about the surgery in trauma
Hunt: Trauma? Quick and dirty There's no time for things well done or for errors down your pants You need an injection of cefazolin!
Cristina: No time for mistakes? So what, you never made mistakes?
Hunt: I have made mistakes and people died!
Cristina: I'm the best surgeon and resident of my program ...Today I killed a man because I do not know how to suture ...
Hunt: In the field, you do what you can with what you have there is not to be the best, it's about saving lives, I've made mistakes, men have died in my The arms good guy. Guys who fought for their country and I do not know everything Nobody knows So I make mistakes and I learn. And next time, I would have the same mistake So next time, the next guy, he will live.Mistakes are learning your
[SCENE_BREAK]
-Hi, Betty. how do you feel? -My head ... painful! What is happening? Betty, you and Vincent had a car accident ... Vincent I'm sorry, I'm sorry it has not survived, Betty. No, no, No. No. It is in another car, it was a few minutes ... oh ... my head ... It hurts! what happens?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lexie: Well it looks stable, which is a good sign, because I can not let you go on an operation if you feel not strong. It happens, people make mistakes You know, they sleep with the wrong person and cache.Mais if you ask me, what is the part after the problems is when we must do the right things and I think you're well
Bailey: Karev, Micheal Briar is ready for her laparotomy?
Alex: He was ready an hour ago!
Bailey: And I'm ready now, provided the block
Alex: All right!
Bailey: DR. Karev, what time is it?
Alex: It's the next day, his insurance has expired
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rose: I'm sorry for your hand
Derek: It does happen!
Rose: No not me, it was not happening before you. Before you ... I was gifted, Every doctor at this hospital wanted me in his block. I was known to be a great nurse and now I'm a crazy girl who "stabs surgeons".
Derek: Sorry, I'm really sorry
Rose: There is a place in paediatrics, I start tomorrow. Really sorry about your hand!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: You're never short of words with your patients!
Lexie: Oh, doggone!
Mark: You do not seem to have difficulties to make me understand how you are going, so why say anything at O'malley?
Lexie: You are really the last person I would ask advice love
Mark: When I love someone, I like him know. Life is too short
Leie: And if he does not like me?
Mark: So this is an idiot
[SCENE_BREAK]
-What? ... What am I doing here? Where is Vincent?Something happened there? -I could have told him, I will get more -I know
Izzie: Why not take a break, take stock! I do not want to leave her alone
Izzie: I'll be there, do not worry -Sarabeth, anna ... I'm in a hospital? -Oh, honey ... There was an accident Where is Vincent? it goes well?
Izzie: Your husband is the way it happens in a minute It is on its way?
Izzie: Yes! It is at the corner, if you look out the door you should see it from one moment to another, you'll see! God. It ... It is on the way?
Izzie: It is on the way At the corner
Izzie: Yes, at the corner ... It's better for her -Thank you. Come on, Come see our husbands!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Bailey: Karev, I think this clock has lost It shows 2:30 when I'm on it as 11:58 p.m. Can you fix that?
Alex: I rule?
Bailey: Set here! It is important that the time is correct for the hospital records and for insurance companies too And I say that it is 11:58 p.m.! Scalpel!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hunt: You know, you would be gifted in the field. Now that you have this beautiful scar, you could join us
Cristina: Oh, of course!
Hunt: I'm serious, you should leave here and go to the adventure is what this place gives you the emotion, the adrenaline?
Cristina: Yeah. Yeah, that's the case!
Richard: Oh, DR. Hunt, you are there! How's that leg?
Hunt: The DR. Yang took care of me!
Richard: I spent a few calls, they have great respect for you trauma in Maryland, I heard a story like what you would have built an operating table Following the explosion of a minedesert!
Hunt: Well, must be innovative in the desert!
Richard: You are innovating everywhere. Would you like a job, DR. Hunt?
Hunt: I appreciate the offer but I have to go back, go back to my post
Richard: Well ... good luck to you
Hunt: Thank you
Cristina: What? I ... I do not even know you
Hunt: So what?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Callie: Maybe the treatment of hypothermia!
Derek: or my surgical skills
Bailey: Oh, we'll never know!
Meredith: What is happening?
Callie: Phillip can move his toes!
Bailey: Oh, I said
Derel: Do not say that!
Bailey: Please, tell, tell it to me ... It's not technically true
Derek: it gave a man on foot!
Callie: you gave a man on foot!
Bailey: it gave a man on foot!
-What a nice way to wake up ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lexie: You slept with Meredith?
George: Yeah, it's true
Lexie: Why? I .. I mean ... You were in love with her?
George: I think I was. But I was afraid to admit it ... and I know ... It no, she saw me that way. I did it anyway and it .. I could not because ... In addition to being ... Very selfish, I ... You know I took advantage of what I wanted and what she wanted and clearly as I say, I made many mistakes last year and I try to stay on track ... You know, I'm on my own
Lexie: The only reason I wanted to help you ... This is because I feel we are more than roommates!
George: It's more than just roommates
Lexie: this is true?
George: Yeah, we're friends, you are probably my best friend
Lexie: The best friends ...
Callie: I'm not too experienced, I do not like that But when you're arriving and we did it together, and the experiment was a success. Listen, I had never done this before I had never kissed a girl, I'm not to like it. In fact I do not like kissing girls ... It's just that I like kissing a girl. You!
Hahn: And I have nothing to compare ... You're the only woman I kissed!
Callie: So you're too scared?
Hahn: this is the time of therapy
Callie: Yeah, I do not do therapy It's just that I call "aaah" and I become sticky ... okay. you do not need to know that ... So it makes us a kind of virgin
Hahn: I think .. you can see it like that
Callie: Hey Virgins, we will set a sort of frightened virgins, in a panic duo okay?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cristina: Yeah, thank you!
Meredith: You said that me and Derek, it will ever happen.
Cristina: And then I was impaled by karma for saying that!
Meredith: But you were right, people do not live happily ever after, they are not together forever So why it would be different with Derek
Cristina: Wed, why you care about what I say?
Meredith: Because you are my friend AND if I build something with it, That one is set in warm place in a romantic relationship with a guy, I need you. I want you by my side I need your consolation 'Cause you're the only one I know ... You know me really. I need you to do so even if you do not believe it because if you leave me now I would never, And I would never have my happy ending and then it will just ...
Cristina: Life!
Meredith: I'm telling you please do here.
Cristina: I think you and Derek will do it, it will work
Meredith: Are you telling me just what I hear?
Cristina: I am your person, I'm by your side ...
Once upon a time ... and lived happy ever ... The stories that are told are like dreams The fairy tales are not realized ...
Izzie: You see? I told you I would show you my dress
Denny: You're the most beautiful brides The reality is more tempestuous ... More ... More dark scary ...
Richard: Listen all, listen: It was the best surgery program of the West One person had advanced program which is heard out of the water but it took root, growing old, it was sloppy, It s'to sleep on our laurels, was taken if unable to take initiatives Unable to ask the questions he was unable to use your skills Unable to give the opportunity to apply your knowledge and I left it happen. So you have not failed but we failed Well it has to stop, now people flying over the surgery will see nothing. But like a heart or brain by its Network If the blood does not traveled the whole body or the nerves that do not travel beyond the brain This is bad teaching that made bad surgeon was unsuccessful Included? And now it's pretty The surgical program is officially changing. Consider the standard rose s warned you! The reality is far more interesting than living happily ever after ... | Plan: A: Major Hunt; Q: Who treats Cristina after she is impaled by an icicle? A: Meredith; Q: Who and Derek finally reach a conclusion about moving in together? Summary: Cristina's treated by Major Hunt after being impaled by an icicle and Meredith and Derek finally reach a conclusion about moving in together. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
I'm Emma, by the way. Lily. While your precious Robin thinks it's his wide-eyed wife, it's actually me. One phone call from me, and your beloved dies at the hands of your sister. Now forget all this and run along home. So, I'm headed to New York now. And if you breathe one word of this to Zelena, I take this heart and squeeze.
Mary Margaret: Cruella can't kill anyone.
David: Emma doesn't know. Which means Gold wants her to...
(Whoosh)
Aah!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The Infinity Forest - Past ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Apprentice meets the Sorcerer.)
The Sorcerer: What brings you here?
The Apprentice: The Author... He has violated the rules. He has changed things. The saviour... He made me channel her potential for darkness into Maleficent's child. There must be a way to undo it.
The Sorcerer: I'm afraid not. What's done is done, my apprentice.
The Apprentice: But what now of the girls, their fates?
The Sorcerer: Remain entwined, as they always were and always shall be.
The Apprentice: Of course.
The Sorcerer: Our concern now is the Author.
The Apprentice: I have taken care of that, master. Our mistake has been rectified. He is in the book, where he can no longer alter our world... Only record what happens.
The Apprentice: You must see to it there is no more damage. The Author must never be allowed to toy with fate again.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Cruella's funerals.)
Isaac: I'll miss her. Furs and all, I'll miss her. She was good to me... In her way. Made me who I am.
Mr Gold: Well, someone had to die at the saviour's hands.
Isaac: Did they?
Mr Gold: We won't have what we need to rewrite the book, to secure our happy endings, until Ms. Swan has completed her journey. The saviour has taken the first step down a dark path. And we have to make sure she stays on it... For both our sakes.
(Emma is watching Mr Gold and the Author.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Granny's diner.)
Emma: I'm going after Gold. He made this happen. He needs to answer for it.
Hook: Careful. Don't go off half-cocked.
David: Hook's right. He wants you angry.
Emma: Yeah, well, I am angry. That doesn't mean he's gonna get what he's after. Do I wish I could change what I did to Cruella? Yes. But that's regret, not darkness. I think we've all done things we regret. Right now, we need to focus on one thing... How to keep Gold and the Author from causing any more damage.
(Maleficent enters.)
Maleficent: I might be able to help with that. It now appears we have a common foe... Rumplestiltskin.
David: He resurrected you.
Maleficent: To help himself, not me. Cruella's death only confirmed that.
Hook: Oh. Now you want to turn on him before he turns on you.
Regina: I knew Gold couldn't keep the dragon on her leash for long.
Mary Margaret: What do you want?
Maleficent: Nothing from you. But your daughter, I hear, has a talent for finding people.
Emma: Yeah, I do. Who do you want found?
Maleficent: My daughter.
Mary Margaret: She's alive?
Maleficent: Yes. She survived the journey to this land... The journey you sent her on. You want to prevent Rumplestiltskin from achieving whatever he wants. What better way than leaving this town and helping me?
Emma: I'm not running away from Gold.
Maleficent: It's not running from him. It's hindering him.
Emma: What do you know about her?
Maleficent: Just what the Dark One showed me... That she was banished to this world 30 years ago, to a place called Minnesota, where she was adopted by a couple. And they named her Lilith.
Emma: No.
Hook: Emma? What is it?
(Emma leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma is watching microfilm.)
Emma: Lily.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mankato, Minnesota - 1999 ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma and her foster home are preparing for vacation.)
Max: Mom said I could have it!
Emma: Flashlight...
Zach: No, she didn't!
Emma: Batteries... Canteen...
Max: I want it!
Zach: I want it, too!
Emma: Matches...
Katie: Both of you... stop it!
Bill: How's the checklist going, Em?
Emma: Good, I think. Uh, what's "G.O.R.P."?
Katie: "Good Old Raisins and Peanuts." It's trail mix.
Zach: Haven't you ever been camping before?
Emma: I've never even been on a vacation before.
Bill: Not everyone was lucky enough to grow up the way that you and your brother have. Emma, we're just happy that you're gonna spend your first family vacation with us.
Emma: So am I. Oh. I almost forgot... Sleeping bag.
Bill: Oh.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma is in the garage, she hears noise, she finds Lily.)
Lily: Emma, wait.
Emma: Lily? What are you doing here?
Lily: I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now. But, I... didn't have anywhere else to go.
Emma: What's wrong? What happened?
Lily: It's bad, Emma. I know I've lied to you before, but I really need your help.
Emma: Why should I trust you now?
Lily: Because I am in big trouble. You once said we'd be friends forever. Did you mean it? 'Cause I did.
(Bill enters.)
Bill: Emma? Who's this?
Emma: This is... Lily. My friend.
Bill: You never told me that you had friends in the neighbourhood.
Lily: My foster family just moved here. I thought I would surprise her.
Bill: Ah. Well, Lily, would you like to join us for dinner?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Regina joins Emma.)
Regina: Ain't fate a bitch? You know this girl. How?
Emma: She was my friend.
Regina: Oh, the one you told me about. Who you said you pushed away?
Emma: How is this possible? Of all the kids in the world, the one I end up friends with is the one my parents banished?
Regina: Emma, there are powers beyond our understanding, and your parents messed with them.
Emma: So the only friend I ever had wasn't even my friend by choice.
Regina: I know. It hurts, doesn't it? I've been there, too.
Emma: Yeah?
Regina: You think it was a coincidence that I just so happened to adopt the saviour's son? Our actions are our own, but fate pushes us. Maybe it's time to push back.
Emma: How?
Regina: Well, I have to go to New York to rescue Robin from my insane sister, and you have to find this girl to redeem your parents and show Gold he's wrong about you... That he can't change you. What do you say we help each other?
Emma: What, like a road trip?
Regina: Well, if that's what you want to call it.
Emma: I'm okay, Regina. I don't need a babysitter.
Regina: But maybe I need you. You lived in New York. I've barely been outside of Storybrooke. How about it, Swan? How about we make today the day we both leave fate?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Isaac gets in Mr Gold's car.)
Isaac: You're letting them leave town?
Mr Gold: For our purposes, where the saviour turns dark is of little consequence. I'm confident her latest mission will darken her heart faster than we ever could.
(Mr Gold sees Belle and Will walking.)
Mr Gold: Now, if you'll excuse me, there's something I need to take care of.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma and Regina say goodbye.)
Emma: Be good, kid. I'll see you when I get back.
Hook: Be careful, Swan. As someone who started on the side of good and went dark, take my advice... Vengeance is tempting. The darkness always is. Resist it.
Emma: Why couldn't you?
Hook: I didn't have anything to live for. You have your parents, Henry...
Emma: You.
Hook: Aye... Me. And I, you. That's what's kept me on my path now. Use whatever it takes to stay on yours.
(They kiss.)
Mary Margaret: Emma...
Emma: Take care of Henry.
David: Of course.
(Regina hugs Henry.)
Emma: Did you get what you needed?
Regina: I'm not going into a land without magic without bringing some of our own. The Snow Queen's scroll... In case we have any trouble getting through the cloak put around this town.
Emma: Sounds good. Let's get out of here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Regina and Emma get in the yellow bug.)
Regina: What is it? Something on Lily?
Emma: Yeah. One of my contacts found an address. But it's five years old.
Regina: Emma, what is it?
Emma: This is in Lowell, Massachusetts, which is less than 30 miles outside of Boston, which is where I lived five years ago. Lily and I grew up in Minnesota, separated as kids, and ended up living less than an hour apart as adults?
Regina: Like I said... Fate. You're connected. It's been pushing you together.
Emma: It may have been pushing us together as kids, but... Last time I saw her, I'm the one who pushed her away.
Regina: What exactly happened between you two?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mankato, Minnesota - 1999 ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At dinner.)
Bill: We are thankful Lily could join us to be our guest, and let these gifts to us be blessed. Amen.
Katie: Amen.
Emma: Amen.
Katie: Sorry about the takeout, but with all the packing...
Lily: Hey, I love it. The whole vibe. Homework, chore wheel, house rules. Like Norman Rockwell blew up in this place... Emma seems really lucky to have ended up with you guys.
Bill: Well, we are lucky to have Emma in our family.
Max: What's that?
Bill: Max. That's not polite.
Lily: It's okay. It's just a birthmark.
Katie: So, Lily, tell us, how did you and Emma meet? It was a group home?
Lily: Uh... Yeah... Back in Falcon Heights. We hit it right off. Best friends forever.
Bill: It's a shame you two were split up.
Lily: Yeah. Emma was the first person who ever really understood me, you know? Like we were meant to come into each other's lives.
Emma: Can, uh, we get seconds?
(Emma and Lily leaves.)
Bill: Max, can you pass me the gravy, please?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(In the kitchen.)
Emma: What are you doing?
Lily: Making a good impression.
Emma: By lying to my foster parents about how we met?
Lily: Would you rather I told them the truth... That you were shoplifting pop-tarts and I was giving you tips?
Emma: I was hungry and... I mean, that's not the point. I'm finally in a good situation. I don't want to mess it up.
Lily: Yeah. No, it's nice here.
Journalist: In skyline, a local tom thumb robbed by two armed assailants is the subject of an intense police investigation. Both suspects had their faces obscured by masks. If you have any information, please call the Mankato we-tip hotline.
Lily: I can explain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Lowell, Massachusetts ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Regina and Emma explore a building.)
Regina: Why did I go through the trouble of creating Storybrooke when I could have cursed everyone to live here?
(Emma knocks on a door.)
Landlord: Yeah?
Emma: Oh. Sorry to disturb you. We're just looking for Lilith Page. Is she around?
Landlord: No, she ain't around. Not for years.
Emma: You know where she moved?
Landlord: Lady, she ain't moving nowhere. She's dead.
Emma: What?
Landlord: Car wreck a couple years back. Pretty sure she was drunk. Not that anyone missed her. I mean, she was a weird one. Kept to herself. 'Course, she had one of those personalities that you wanted to stay far away from. A real loser.
(Emma attacks Landlord.)
Emma: She was my friend!
Regina: Emma! Emma! Emma. It's not worth it. Hey. You okay?
Emma: I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Mr Gold's shop.)
Belle: So, uh, you sure you don't mind? David and Mary Margaret just need me to watch the baby for a bit.
(She kisses him.)
Belle: Bye.
(Belle leaves, Mr Gold shows himself.)
Mr Gold: When you walk into a man's home... You should ask if you've been invited.
Will: If you've come here to hurt me, you best get on with it. But I warn you... I'm scrappy.
Mr Gold: All right, scrappy. Believe it or not, you may be of some use to me. You're a thief, and I need something stolen.
Will: And what might that be?
Mr Gold: Belle's heart.
Will: Already in the process of doing that. Sorry, mate.
Mr Gold: As close as you think you have grown to my wife, you're clearly not close enough to realize the truth. Her heart is gone.
Will: You mean it was ripped out of her chest? Who the bloody hell would do that?
Mr Gold: Regina. She has her watchdog, Maleficent, caring for it in the Mayor's office. Now I need you to go and get it back.
Will: Give it to you? Not likely, mate.
Mr Gold: No, you're mistaken. I'm not asking.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ On the road ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma drives back to Storybrooke.)
Regina: Want to talk about what happened back there?
Emma: Nope.
Regina: You nearly put that guy through a wall.
Emma: Look, I know what you're thinking, but what happened back there wasn't me turning dark. It was... Mourning a friend. Can you understand that?
Regina: Emma, you know you're not responsible for what happened to her.
Emma: You sure? You heard what that guy said. Her life wasn't pretty. It was dark. That darkness was meant for me. Or could have been or...
(There is a wolf on the road.)
Regina: Emma!
(Emma avoids it. The wolf leaves.)
Regina: You okay?
Emma: This has happened before, the wolf in the road and an accident... The first time I tried to leave Storybrooke.
Regina: Stop overthinking. It's not fate. It's just a flat. We need a new tire. Unless fate wants you to go to the coffee mug diner for help, I'd chalk it up to "accidents will happen." I'll get a tire. You get some coffee.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma comes in the coffee mug diner.)
Emma: Hi.
Starla: Hey.
Emma: Two cups of coffee and a pack of Advil. Make it two packs.
Starla: Tough day?
Emma: You don't know the half of it.
Starla: I'll leave the pot here, then.
(Emma sees Lily's birthmark on Starla.)
Starla: I'll be right back with your Advil.
(Regina enters.)
Regina: Car's being towed in. What's wrong? See another wolf?
Emma: It's... It's her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mankato, Minnesota - 1999 ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(After dinner, Lily and Emma get back to the garage.)
Lily: It was my boyfriend's idea, okay? I swear. One minute, I think we're making a snack run, and the next, he tosses a gun at me and tells me to watch the door.
Emma: A gun?! Are you out of your mind?! You didn't have to go along with him!
Lily: I know. I know. I-I don't know how to explain it. It doesn't matter what I do. It's like every decision I make seems right, but it's wrong.
Emma: You got to leave. The police are probably looking for you right now.
Lily: You're my only friend. I don't have anywhere else to go.
Emma: You can't stay here. Look, I've got some allowance stashed away. It'll be enough for a bus ticket.
Lily: No, I can't leave without my stuff. It's at the house I was squatting in with my boyfriend.
Emma: Forget the stuff. Forget him. I'll give you some clothes.
Lily: No, you don't understand... There's this necklace, and it's the only thing I have from my birth mother, and I cannot leave it behind. I can't. You got to help me. I would go, but my boyfriend is the last person I want to see right now.
Emma: Okay. I'll get your necklace. But then you're gone!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The Coffee Mug Diner ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma goes talk to Lily.)
Emma: Hey. Starla.
Lily: Is something wrong? Did I bring you decaf by mistake? I'm so sorry. I always get the pots mixed up.
Emma: Starla isn't your name, is it? Lily.
Lily: How do you know that?
Emma: This mark. You showed it to me a long time ago outside a crappy cub foods in Hopkins, Minnesota.
Lily: Emma?
Emma: I thought you were dead. What the hell happened to you?
Lily: I... Got into trouble, uh... With some bad people a couple years ago, and I needed a fresh start. But I've been careful. How did you find me?
Emma: Fate.
Lily: What?
Emma: I know this is gonna sound crazy, but remember when we were kids, you used to say you and I were connected? Like something was drawing us together?
Lily: Yeah, that's something teenage girls say, and then you braid each other's hair and become BFFs.
Emma: What if you were right? What if... There's a reason your life has been on a downswing ever since we met? That all your problems are not your fault, they're... Mine?
Lily: You're right... That sounds crazy.
Emma: It's complicated, but I can explain it if you come with me. I just need you to trust me.
Lily: Look, I don't know what kind of 12-step program you're in, but I've moved on. I'm fine.
Emma: You're living in the middle of nowhere under an assumed name. I can help you.
Lily: I don't need your help. And my life is great, thank you very much. I have an awesome daughter and a loving husband. The last thing I need is for you to come into my life and just blow it apart again, so... If you'll excuse me, that's my daughter's bus.
Emma: I-I'm sorry... For... Everything.
Lily: You don't need to apologize. We were kids. To be honest, I haven't even thought about you in years.
Emma: Yeah?
Lily: Yeah. Hey, sweetie!
(Lily goes see her daughter. Regina goes talk to Emma.)
Emma: Tire's being fixed. So it was her. Well, Emma, looks like you didn't ruin her life after all.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Near the school bus.)
Lily: You know me from the diner, right? Free burgers for a week if you smile, take my hand, and walk around the block with me. But you have to decide now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Regina's office.)
Mary Margaret: Maleficent?
Maleficent: Go... Now. I don't want to see either one of you.
David: Just hear us out... Please.
Mary Margaret: We realized we've been so concerned about earning Emma's forgiveness that... We forgot the person we hurt most.
Maleficent: So you're here to apologize. I'm afraid I'm not the one whose forgiveness you really need.
Mary Margaret: Your daughter.
Maleficent: She was an innocent. It's her you need to apologize to.
Mary Margaret: We will. We will do everything we can to make it up to her.
David: Whatever it takes.
Maleficent: Do you think that'll be enough? Well, you've been so worried that the Dark One might turn Emma into a monster, you forgot... That's exactly what you did to my Lilith. So, if I won't forgive you, why would she?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The Coffee Mug Diner ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Outside the coffee mug diner.)
Regina: Emma, what are you doing?
Emma: I just swiped Starla's time card. It has her real address.
Regina: But she said she didn't want our help.
Emma: And she was lying.
Regina: You saw her with her child.
Emma: A child. You know me. I know when someone's lying, and she was. She always has.
(Why would she be any different now? Something's wrong. We have to go find her. I'm gonna help her this time. I'm gonna get her back to her mom.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mankato, Minnesota - 1999 ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma enters in the squat and finds Lily's necklace.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma gets back to her fosters home.)
Emma: Lily? Lily? Lily?
Bill: Emma? Where have you been?
Emma: I just... Was in the garage, looking for a lantern. Where's Lily?
Katie: We were hoping you could tell us that.
Bill: She broke into my desk, and she stole our vacation money.
Emma: That's why she sent me for this... To get me out of the house. I had no idea. I swear.
Bill: We called your social worker, and she told us that you and Lily were never in the same group home. She said that you know each other because you were both... Caught for stealing.
Emma: I can explain.
Bill: We also called the police once we realized that the money was missing. You know what they said? Lily is a suspect in a robbery.
Emma: I know. And that's why I told her she had to leave.
Bill: You knew? You brought a criminal into our home? You endanger our children?
Emma: "Our" children?
Katie: Emma, he didn't mean it like that.
Emma: No, I think he meant it exactly like that.
(Emma takes a bad and leaves.)
Bill: Emma! Wait! Wait!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Lily's home ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma and Regina come in Lily's place.)
Emma: No kid's stuff. No sign of a husband.
Regina: Okay. Well, if you want me to admit you were right... Well, you were right.
Emma: Can't blame her for running off. I was about to tell her she was Maleficent's daughter.
Regina: Yeah, that might have been tough to swallow.
Emma: Yeah, well, you know how long it took for me to believe, and that was in Storybrooke. For her, it's not gonna be simple.
Regina: Emma.
Emma: What?
Regina: It might be simpler than you think.
Emma: Son of a... She knew. She already knew.
Regina: And she was looking for you.
Emma: No. My parents... She knew everything. She wants revenge.
(Lily steals Emma's car.)
Emma: Really?! Lily!
Regina: Emma!
Emma: The apprentice's scroll... It was in my bag in the car! She wanted a way into Storybrooke. Now she's got one.
Regina: What are you doing?
Emma: That girl destroyed my life with one family. I'm not letting her do it again.
(Emma steals a car and drives after Lily.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Mr Gold visits Maleficent at Regina's office.)
Maleficent: Looking for your wife's heart? Why don't you come inside and get it?
Mr Gold: I'm smarter than that, dearie.
Maleficent: Our work together is done. Regina and Emma are tracking my daughter as we speak. Soon, I'll have her back. And the saviour will be just fine.
Mr Gold: Really? Now, did you ever think that your Lilith might be the one who keeps Ms. Swan on her dark path? That two people tied by fate and history might just have a way of... entangling themselves?
Maleficent: You can try to scare me all you want. I won't return your wife's heart.
Mr Gold: No, no, dearie. You misunderstood. I already have it.
(Will runs away with a box.)
Mr Gold: Regina's protection spell might keep me out, but it doesn't account for the common thief.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ On the road ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma drives after Lily.)
Emma: She's doing it again, Regina. Every time I let Lily in, she rips apart my life. Now she's going after my parents. I have to stop her.
Regina: You will, but you can't go in with a head of steam. You'll end up doing something you regret.
Emma: Really? Tell me, your majesty, what are your plans for Zelena? A nice chat over tea?
Regina: That's different.
Emma: How? If Zelena lays a hand on Robin Hood, you'll destroy her, right? Right. So I'll do the same thing to Lily.
Regina: Careful, Emma. You're starting to sound like...
Emma: Like what? A villain? This is the real world, Regina. There are no heroes and villains... Just real people with real problems. So if you're gonna try to stop me, you can find your own way back to New York.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Mankato, Minnesota - 1999 ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma is waiting the bus at the bus station. Lily arrives.)
Lily: Emma?
Emma: Of course you knew where to find me. You knew your little stunt would get me kicked out. Just do me a favour and stay the hell away from me.
Lily: Is that how you say "thank you"?
Emma: For what? Ruining my chance to be a part of that family?
Lily: For setting you free, chore wheel. With this cash, we can go anywhere and do whatever we want.
Emma: I wanted to stay there. They cared about me, Lily.
Lily: The moment they found out the truth about you, they turned on you. They were frauds.
Emma: You're the fraud, Lily. You play the orphan card, but you have no idea what it's really like. You think it's fun pretending to be a runaway. This is my life!
Lily: Emma, it's not like that.
Emma: Here. Here's your stupid necklace. Now just go back to your lake house and your credit cards and your... Family... And leave me alone.
Lily: I can't go home. They kicked me out.
Emma: Right.
Lily: Emma, it's true. I don't know how to explain it, but... Ever since you left, everything has gotten worse. My life, no matter what I do, is just wrong.
Emma: And that's my fault? Maybe try making better choices.
Lily: I do. I swear. But every time I try, it just blows up in my face. It's like I'm cursed or something.
Emma: That's stupid.
Lily: It's true. It's like my whole life is darkness, and... When you're around, things are brighter... Emma, please don't walk away again. I'm begging you. Please help me.
Emma: I'm done helping you, Lily. I'm better off alone.
(Emma leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ On the road ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma and Regina catch up Lily.)
Regina: There she is.
(When Lily sees Emma; she goes faster.)
Regina: Swan, watch it!
(Emma stops Lily. They all get out of the cars.)
Emma: Hey! Hey! You know. You know everything. Did you know when we were kids?
Lily: Of course not.
Emma: But now?
Lily: Yeah. I learned it all.
Emma: How?
Lily: Does it really matter? It doesn't change anything. You screwed me over before we were even born.
Emma: I had no more say in what happened than you did.
Lily: But your parents did. And the minute I get to Storybrooke...
Emma: You lay a hand on them, I end you!
(Emma hits Lily.)
Regina: Emma, stop!
Lily: Yeah? And how are you gonna do that without your magic, saviour?
(Lily hits Emma and the lightning and thunder fall.)
Lily: Your parents are monsters, Emma. They banished me and threw you in a wardrobe. And now here you are, ready to die for them, because you're so perfect. The saviour. Well, they deserve to be punished. And there's only one way to stop me, and you know it.
(Emma and Lily fight, Emma pushes Lily away and targets her.)
Lily: Of course it ends this way. This just makes too much sense.
Emma: I'm just trying to stop you from doing something you'll regret.
Lily: You can't. Thanks to you, I'm hardwired for bad decisions. So come on... Just put me out of my misery. You know the truth. We both know my life isn't worth saving. And if you let me go, I will destroy everything. It's what I do. So come on... Be the hero and end this right here before it even starts... Come on, Emma.
Regina: Swan. Put the gun down. If you pull that trigger, you will be the one who ruins your life this time. And Henry's and your parents' and everyone else's.
Emma: I have to protect them.
Regina: Then lower the gun. Your parents need a hero, not a murderer.
Emma: I'm already a murderer.
Regina: Cruella was an accident. But if you cross this line, the journey back isn't easy. Trust me... I know. This is what Gold wants you to do. So don't... Emma. You're better than this.
(Emma puts down her gun.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ On the bus to Pittsburgh - 1999 ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Apprentice sits next to Lily.)
The Apprentice: That's a lovely necklace.
Lily: Thanks.
The Apprentice: Did you ever notice how it complements the birthmark on your wrist?
Lily: How did you know that?
The Apprentice: I know about a lot of things, Lilith. Don't be alarmed, child. I can see that you have many questions. Fortunately, I have many answers.
Lily: Answers?
The Apprentice: About who you really are and why your life has always felt so... Wrong.
Lily: And who am I?
The Apprentice: A victim of the unfortunate vagaries of fate, for which, I'm afraid, I am partially responsible. In fact... I shouldn't even be telling you this.
Lily: You're crazy.
The Apprentice: You are not as responsible for your own misery as you would believe. The deck has been stacked against you, Lilith, and it's not your fault. Everything you do will be harder. And I owe it to you to let you know why. I owe you the truth.
Lily: Okay, Yoda. Enough riddles. What's the truth?
The Apprentice: Let's start with the necklace. It isn't exactly a stone, but it did belong to your mother. Would you like to hear about her?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ On the road ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Lily and Emma are sitting on pipes.)
Lily: Why didn't you just kill me when you had the chance? I would have.
Emma: I like to think you wouldn't have.
Lily: Isn't that the whole point of saviour and anti-saviour?
Emma: Stop calling yourself that.
Regina: Bad news from home. I just lost my leverage over Gold. We have to get to Robin Hood... Now.
Emma: Coming?
Lily: You still want me to?
Emma: Yeah. I'm not pushing you away this time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Will goes back to Mr Gold's shop.)
Belle: There you are. I brought you dinner from Granny's... Hey. Will. Is something wrong?
Will: Um... Belle, there's something I need to show you.
Belle: Is that...?
Will: Yeah. Yours. It was Regina.
Belle: Why would she want my heart?
(Mr Gold enters.)
Mr Gold: To use you as a pawn against me.
Belle: Okay. What are you doing here?
Mr Gold: I wanted to be certain that you got your, uh... Heart back.
Belle: What... Y-you two a-are working together?
Mr Gold: We share one thing in common... We both care for you. Belle, I need to say something.
Belle: I'm not sure I want to hear it.
Mr Gold: Please, please. I'm not asking for forgiveness. I spent every day of our marriage deceiving you, when I should have been trying to make you happy. And now it's too late. My heart is nearly black. And if I continue hurting you... Then there's no hope for me.
(Mr Gold takes Belle's heart.)
Mr Gold: I'm gonna return this to you, Belle. But he's the one who's gonna protect it. Because I've proven unworthy.
(Mr Gold return Belle's heart.)
Mr Gold: Goodbye, Belle.
(He leaves. Will takes Belle's hand but the avoid.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ New York ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Regina knocks on Robin's door apartment.)
Regina: Robin? Robin, open up!
(Robin opens the door.)
Robin: Regina? W-what are you doing here?
(He hugs her.)
Regina: I missed you.
Robin: And I you. What's going on? W-why are you here?
Regina: I can explain everything. But first, where's Marian?
Robin: She's at the store. Why?
Regina: Good. Then there's time. But we have to act fast.
Robin: Wha... W-what's this about?
Regina: Marian... We have to leave before she gets back. She is not who she says she is.
Robin: What?
Regina: She's... My sister... Zelena.
Robin: The wicked witch? But she's dead. W-we all saw that.
Regina: Somehow, she tricked us and went back in time. Robin... She went back, and she killed Marian. She took her place to get back at me.
Robin: No. This is madness.
(Marian/Zelena arrives.)
Marian/Zelena: Robin, what's going on? And what is she doing here?
Regina: It's over, Zelena. I told him everything.
Marian/Zelena: What's she talking about? And who's Zelena?
Robin: Regina, you're scaring Marian.
Regina: Good. Where's the magic? You must have brought something to make this glamour work. Where is it, Zelena? Show me, or I will rip you apart until I find it!
Robin: Regina, that's enough! Look, I know that this is hard... For all of us. But this is the new reality. I'm with her. I'm with Marian.
Marian/Zelena: Actually... Not exactly.
(Marian turns into Zelena.)
Zelena: Hello, dear husband.
Robin: No.
Lily: What the hell was that?
Emma: That was magic.
Regina: Come on, Robin. We have to get you and Roland out of here... Robin. Get Roland and let's go.
Zelena: I think he still wants to stay.
Regina: Robin, what are you doing? Get your son and let's go.
Robin: I-I can't.
Regina: Yes, you can. Just come with me. Come on. Let's go.
Robin: I'm sorry. I can't leave her here.
Regina: What?!
Zelena: Do you want to tell her? Or should I?
Regina: Tell me what? Robin?
Robin: She's pregnant. | Plan: A: unnecessary details; Q: What should be removed from this episode's plot summary? A: April 2017; Q: When was "The Curse of the Enchanted Forest" aired? A: Lily; Q: Who is finally reunited with Maleficent in Storybrooke? A: vengeance; Q: What does Lily want against Mary Margaret and David? A: Gold; Q: Who orders Isaac to write a new story that will alter the destiny of everyone involved? A: Emma; Q: Whose darkness does Isaac need to write the stories? A: the ink; Q: What does Isaac need Emma's darkness for? A: Regina; Q: Who plots to do away with Zelena? A: the darkness-infused blood; Q: What does Regina want to obtain from Isaac? A: his dying heart; Q: What causes Gold to pass out? A: Zelena; Q: Who does Regina gloat about having Isaac write out of existence? A: the means; Q: What does Regina find in Lily to do away with Zelena? A: her skin; Q: What did Regina cut to obtain Lily's blood? A: Lily's anger; Q: What caused Lily to transform into a dragon? A: a confrontation; Q: What does Lily's transformation into a dragon lead to with Mary Margaret? A: lost time; Q: What does Maleficent want Lily to make up for? A: human form; Q: What form does Lily revert to after Maleficent convinces her to stay in Storybrooke? A: one week; Q: How long does Lily agree to stay in Storybrooke? A: Zelena's life; Q: What does Regina spare when Zelena accuses her of being like their mother? A: the villains; Q: Who wins in the new story? A: the Enchanted Forest; Q: Where did Cora return to help Regina seek love? A: the kingdom results; Q: What does Cora want to ensure that Regina has an heir to? A: a potion; Q: What does Cora give to Regina that makes her infertile? Summary: This episode's plot summary may be too long or excessively detailed. Please help improve it by removing unnecessary details and making it more concise. (April 2017) (Learn how and when to remove this template message) Lily is finally reunited with Maleficent in Storybrooke, but Lily still desires vengeance against Mary Margaret and David, even though Maleficent decided to forgive them. At the same time, Isaac informs Gold that he needs Emma's darkness for the ink to write the stories, which leads to Regina securing his services in exchange for obtaining the darkness-infused blood, while Gold passes out, due to his dying heart. As Regina plots to do away with Zelena, she finds the means to do so in Lily, and she cuts her skin to obtain Lily's blood, which contains the darkness transferred from Emma. Lily's anger over this action causes her to transform into a dragon, which leads to a confrontation with Mary Margaret, and Maleficent intervening to convince her that she wants to make up for lost time. She succeeds, as Lily reverts back to human form, and agrees to stay in Storybrooke for one week with Maleficent, while Emma finally forgives Mary Margaret and David. At the asylum, Regina gloats to Zelena about having Isaac write her out of existence, but when Zelena accuses Regina of being like their mother, Cora, Regina decides to spare Zelena's life for now. However, Isaac disappears and returns to Gold, who orders Isaac to write a new story that will alter the destiny of everyone involved, in which the villains will win. Back in the Enchanted Forest, before the first Curse, Cora returns to help Regina seek love, but her interference and influence to ensure that Regina will have an heir to the kingdom results in Regina taking a potion that leaves her infertile. |
[ EXT. LONDON, DAY ]
( A giant Tyrannosaurus Rex strides past the Houses of Parliament and the Clock Tower. Crowds of Londoners gather on the southern Embankment and watch in amazement. We can see by the clothes that this is Victorian London. A CONSTABLE clears a path through the crowd. )
Constable: Come on, out of the way. Move yourself, please. Coming through. That's it. Excuse me, sir.
( VASTRA, JENNY and STRAX follow the CONSTABLE towards the INSPECTOR. )
Inspector: Madame Vastra, thank God. I'll wager you've not seen anything like this before.
Vastra: Well... ( lifts veil ) not since I was a little girl.
Jenny: Big fella, isn't he?
Vastra: Dinosaurs were mostly this size. ( whispers in JENNY'S ear ) I do believe it's a "she".
Jenny: No, they weren't, I've seen fossils.
Vastra: I was there.
Inspector: Well, that's all well and good, but what's this dinosaur fellow doing in the Thames?
Vastra: It must have time travelled. Jenny?
( JENNY holds up her left arm to reveal a device with which she scans the dinosaur. )
Inspector: Time travelled?
( The dinosaur starts hacking. )
Vastra: Is it choking?
Jenny: There seems to be something lodged in its throat.
Inspector: How could it time travel?
Vastra: I don't know. Perhaps it was something it ate.
( The dinosaur hacks up the TARDIS. It spins through the air before landing on the riverbank. The crowd let out gasps of astonishment. )
Inspector: ( pushes his way through crowd ) Stand back. Stand back, stand back. ( leans over rail ) Well, it's just laid an egg.
Vastra: It's dropped a blue box marked "Police" out of its mouth. Your grasp of biology troubles me.
( VASTRA joins JENNY and STRAX as they stand away from the crowd. )
Jenny: It's the TARDIS.
Vastra: It would seem so.
Jenny: We'll take care of this, Inspector.
Inspector: But what if that thing goes on the rampage?
Vastra: ( takes a lantern that looks like a jack from a cloth bag ) Place these lanterns on the shoreline and bridges, encircling the creature at 20-foot intervals. ( hands it to the INSPECTOR )
Inspector: What will they do?
Vastra: They will emit a signal that will incline it to remain within their circumference. Jenny, Strax... with me. ( goes down the steps to the bank )
[ EXT. LONDON, THAMES EMBANKMENT, DAY ]
Jenny: So it's him, then, the Doctor?
Vastra: A giant dinosaur from the distant past has just vomited a blue box from outer space - this is not a day for jumping to conclusions. Strax, if you wouldn't mind?
Strax: ( walks to the TARDIS and knocks on the door ) Hello? Exit the box, and surrender to the glory of the Sontaran Empire.
( The TARDIS door opens and the DOCTOR sticks his head out. )
The Doctor: Shush! ( shuts door )
Strax: Doctor?
The Doctor: ( opens door ) I was being chased by a giant dinosaur, but I think I managed to give it the slip. ( closes door )
( STRAX looks over at VASTRA and JENNY. The TARDIS door opens a crack and the DOCTOR peers out. )
The Doctor: Sleepy?
Strax: Sir?
The Doctor: ( steps out, staring at STRAX ) Bashful? Sneezy? Dopey? Grumpy! ( sees VASTRA and JENNY ) Oh, you two! The green one...and the not-green one. Or it could be the other way round, I mustn't prejudge! Oh, you remember, er... ( points at the TARDIS and CLARA steps out ) thingy, the, er, the not-me one, the asking-questions one? Names - not my area. ( walks around )
Clara: Clara!
The Doctor: Well, it might be Clara, might not be - it's a lottery.
Clara: It is Clara.
The Doctor: Well, I'm not ruling it out! Oi, big man, shut it! ( looks up and sees the dinosaur ) Oh, you've got a dinosaur too! Big woman, sorry.
Clara: ( runs over to the DOCTOR ) Doctor, listen to me. You... you need to calm down.
The Doctor: ( to dinosaur ) I'm not flirting, by the way.
Clara: ( to VASTRA ) I think something's gone wrong.
The Doctor: Wrong? What's gone wrong? Have you regenerated? I remember you. You're Handles! You used to be a little...a little robot head, and now you... you've really let yourself go.
( The dinosaur roars. )
The Doctor: ( hurries to VASTRA ) Reduce the frequency.
Vastra: I'm sorry?
The Doctor: Your sonic lanterns, turn them down. You're giving her a headache.
Jenny: Giving who a headache?
The Doctor: ( looks up and walks forward towards the dinosaur ) My lady friend! Just an expression, don't get any ideas.
Strax: How do you know?
The Doctor: Come on, Clara! You know that I speak dinosaur.
Clara: ( stands next to STRAX ) He's not Clara. I'm Clara.
The Doctor: Well, you're very similar heights. Maybe you should wear labels. ( backs away ) Why... why are you all doing that? Why are you... You're all going dark... and wobbly - stop that.
Clara: I don't think we are.
The Doctor: Never mind! Everyone... take five. ( passes out and collapses to the ground )
( CLARA rushes to the DOCTOR and turns him over. )
Clara: What do we do?
Jenny: I don't understand, who is he? Where's the Doctor?
Clara: Right here. That's him. That's the Doctor.
Vastra: Well then, here we go again.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peter Capaldi Jenna Coleman
"Deep Breath"
By Steven Moffat
PRODUCER Nikki Wilson
DIRECTOR Ben Wheatley
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ EXT. LONDON, NIGHT ]
( As we pass over the roofs of London, we see the dinosaur roaring in the distance. )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, HALL, NIGHT ]
( CLARA and JENNY have their ears pressed against the door as the DOCTOR rants to VASTRA inside the room. )
The Doctor: It's simply misunderstandable to me. I don't know what it is. ( opens door wearing a nightshirt ) Who invented this room?
( CLARA and JENNY take advantage of the open door and go inside. )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, BEDROOM, NIGHT ]
Clara: Doctor, please, you have to lie down.
The Doctor: It doesn't make sense. Look, it's only got a bed in it. Why is there only a bed in it?
Clara: Because it's a bed-ROOM, it's for sleeping in.
The Doctor: OK, what do you do when you're awake?
Jenny: You leave the room.
The Doctor: So you've got a whole room for not being awake in? But what's the point? You're just missing the room! And don't look in that mirror - it's absolutely furious.
Clara: Doctor, please, you have to lie down, you keep passing out.
The Doctor: Well, of course I keep passing out, there's all these beds! Why do you keep talking like that? What's gone wrong with your accent?
Jenny: Nothing's wrong with her accent.
The Doctor: You sound the same. It's spreading. You all sound all... English. Now you've all developed a fault!
Vastra: ( Scottish accent ) Doctor, I need your help with something.
The Doctor: Finally, someone who can talk properly.
Vastra: I'm having difficulty sleeping. ( takes the DOCTOR'S hands and leads him towards the bed )
The Doctor: Oh? Oh, well, I wouldn't bother with that, I never bother with sleep, and I just do standy-up-catnaps.
Vastra: Oh, really, how interesting. And when do you do those?
The Doctor: Well, generally whenever anyone else starts talking. I like to skip ahead to my bits, it saves time.
( VASTRA and the DOCTOR sit on the bed. )
Vastra: Save me time, Doctor. ( places the DOCTOR'S hands on either side of her head ) Project an image of perfect sleep into the centre of my mind.
( VASTRA places her hands on the sides of the DOCTOR'S head just as he removes his from her head. )
The Doctor: What, do you want a psychic link with me? The size of my brain, it would be like dropping a piano on you.
Vastra: Be gentle, then.
The Doctor: I'll try. Brace yourself! Piano. ( places hands against VASTRA'S head and promptly falls unconscious onto the bed )
Vastra: ( resumes normal voice ) I love monkeys, they're so funny.
Jenny: Oh, I see! So people are monkeys now, are they?
Vastra: No, dear. People are apes. Men are monkeys.
( The three place the DOCTOR under the bedcovers and let him sleep. )
Clara: So what now?
Vastra: He needs rest.
Clara: So what do we do? How do we fix him?
Jenny: Fix him?
Clara: How do we change him back?
( JENNY looks nervously at VASTRA. )
Vastra: Jenny... I will be in my chamber. Would you be kind enough to fetch my veil?
Jenny: Why, are we expecting strangers?
Vastra: It would seem... there's already one here. ( leaves )
Clara: What have I done wrong?
( The dinosaur roars and JENNY hurries to the window, happy to change the topic of conversation. )
Jenny: The dinosaur doesn't seem very happy.
Clara: What's wrong with it? ( kneels by the bed )
Jenny: I dunno. The Doctor's the one that speaks dinosaur. Excuse me, ma'am, the wife doesn't like to be kept waiting.
Clara: Where did he get that face? Why's it got lines on it? It's brand-new. How can his hair be all grey? He only just got it.
Jenny: It's still him, ma'am, you saw him change.
Clara: I know. I do, I...I know that.
Jenny: Good.
Clara: It's just...
Jenny: What?
Clara: Nothing.
( JENNY starts for the door. )
Clara: If... If Vastra changed, if she was different, if she wasn't the person that you liked...
Jenny: I don't like her, ma'am, I love her. And as to different, well, she's a lizard. ( leaves )
( CLARA stands and fusses with the bedcovers before resting her hand on the DOCTOR'S. She then goes over and looks out the window. The dinosaur roars. )
The Doctor: ( softly ) I am alone. The world which... shook at my feet, and the trees...and the sky, have gone... and I am alone now... alone.
( CLARA walks over as he speaks. )
Clara: Are you translating? ( sits on the edge of the bed )
The Doctor: The wind bites now... and the world is grey... and I am alone here. Can't see me. Doesn't see me. Can't... see me.
Clara: Who can't see it? I think all of London can see it.
Strax: Boy? Madame Vastra is waiting.
Clara: ( goes to the doorway ) OK, whatever.
Strax: I will convey you to her chamber. May I take your coat?
Clara: Not wearing a coat.
Strax: What's all that?
Clara: Clothes.
Strax: May I take your clothes?
Clara: Probably not. ( heads out the door )
Strax: Are you wearing a hat?
Clara: It's hair.
Strax: ( follows ) No, I think it's a hat, would you like me to check?
[ EXT. LONDON, STREET, NIGHT ]
( A lamplighter progresses down the street. Groups of people are standing in the street talking about the dinosaur and pointing in that direction. A couple walks forward to where the road drops away, allowing a clear view of the dinosaur. )
Man: It's not real, of course.
Woman: What is it, then?
Man: The government.
Woman: The government?
Man: Yeah, up to their usual tricks.
Woman: It's a dinosaur, Alf. A real dinosaur.
Alf: I wouldn't put it past them.
Woman: You don't half talk a lot of rubbish, Alfie. See you don't stay out too late now. ( kisses ALF on the cheek )
Alf: You know me.
Woman: Yes, I do! ( leaves )
( The lamplighter lights the lamp behind ALF revealing a MAN in a top hat and heavy overcoat with a turned up fur collar. He turns to look at ALF before walking over to stand next to him. )
Alf: It's the neck, that's what's wrong with it. Just don't look realistic.
Man: ( monotone ) You have good eyes.
( With what sounds like the grinding of gears, the man looks down and takes something like tweezers or forceps from his pocket. )
Alf: Oh, I do, as it happens, very good eyes. They're my greatest gift.
Man: I accept.
Alf: ( notices the device ) What's that for?
Man: Your gift. ( turns and we see he has half a face, clockwork gears can be seen through open framework ) I have bad eyes.
( The HALF-FACE MAN grabs ALF who screams. )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, CONSERVATORY, NIGHT ]
( VASTRA sits in a chair, veil over her face. CLARA sits across from her and JENNY stands to the side. )
Vastra: And then?
Clara: Why are you wearing your veil?
Vastra: And then?
Clara: And then we got swallowed by a big dinosaur. You probably noticed.
Jenny: How did it happen?
Clara: I don't know, I don't know, we were... crashing about everywhere. The Doctor was gone, the TARDIS went haywire.
Jenny: He's not gone. He's upstairs.
( CLARA looks up at JENNY. VASTRA waits patiently. )
Clara: OK, he changed.
Vastra: He regenerated, renewed himself.
Clara: Renewed, fine.
Vastra: Such a cynical smile.
Clara: I'm not smiling.
Vastra: Not outwardly, but I'm accustomed to seeing through a veil. How have I amused you?
Clara: You said renewed. He doesn't... He doesn't look renewed, he looks... older.
Vastra: You thought he was young?
Clara: He looked young.
Vastra: He looked like your dashing young gentleman friend, your lover, even.
Clara: Shut up!
Vastra: But he is the Doctor. He has walked this universe for centuries untold, he has seen stars fall to dust. You might as well flirt with a mountain range.
Clara: I did not flirt with him.
Vastra: He flirted with you.
Clara: How?
Vastra: He looked young. Who do you think that was for?
Clara: Me?
Vastra: Everyone. I wear a veil as he wore a face - for the same reason.
Clara: What reason?
Vastra: The oldest reason there is for anything... to be accepted.
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, BEDROOM, NIGHT ]
( Lying in bed, the DOCTOR sniffs twice. He then wakes and sits up with a deep inhale. He gets out of bed and on his hands and knees then looks under the bed and sniffs again. He crawls over to the radiator and scrabbles with his hand underneath. He pulls out a long piece of chalk, holds it to his nose and breathes in. He then marks the chalk against the radiator. )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, CONSERVATORY, NIGHT ]
( JENNY is pouring tea. )
Vastra: Jenny and I are married, yet for appearance's sake, we maintain a pretence, in public, that she is my maid.
Jenny: Doesn't exactly explain why I'm pouring tea in private.
Vastra: Hush now.
Jenny: Good pretence, isn't it?
Vastra: I wear a veil to keep from view what many are pleased to call my disfigurement. I do not wear it as a courtesy to such people, but as a judgment on the quality of their hearts.
Clara: Are you judging me?
Vastra: The Doctor regenerated in your presence. The young man disappeared, the veil lifted. He trusted you. Are you judging him?
Clara: ( stands ) How dare you? How dare you?
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, BEDROOM, NIGHT ]
( The DOCTOR is writing in chalk on the floor. In a wider shot, we see he has covered practically every inch of the floor. The dinosaur roars and the DOCTOR stands. He then goes to the door and opens it. )
The Doctor: Door. Boring. Not me. ( closes the door and hurries over to the window opening it and sticks out his head ) Me! ( looks up to the roof )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, CONSERVATORY, NIGHT ]
Clara: Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor, last of the five good'uns, stoic philosopher.
Vastra: ( no longer wearing veil ) Superlative bass guitarist - the Doctor really knows how to put a band together.
Clara: And the only pin-up I ever had on my wall when I was 15, the only one I ever had. I am not sure who you think you're talking to right now, Madam Vastra, but I have never had the slightest interest in pretty young men. And for the record, if there ever was anybody who could flirt with a mountain range, she's probably standing in front of you right now! Just because my pretty face has turned your head, do not assume that I am so easily distracted.
Jenny: ( applauds ) Whoo! Woo-hoo! ( slows to a stop when the others look at her ) Sorry!
Vastra: Well... ( chuckles ) goodness me! The lake is ruffled at last. I often wondered what you'd be like when you lost your temper.
Jenny: Oi! ( slaps VASTRA'S head and she hisses ) Married.
Vastra: ( stands ) The Doctor needs us, you more than anyone. He is lost in the ruin of himself, and we must bring him home.
Clara: When did you stop wearing your veil?
Vastra: When you stopped seeing it.
[ EXT. LONDON, ROOFTOPS, NIGHT ]
( The DOCTOR dressed only in his nightshirt makes his way across the roof, calling to the dinosaur. )
The Doctor: Oi! Oi! ( waves arms ) Oi, big, sexy woman! Oi! Sorry. Sorry, it's all my fault. My time machine got stuck in your throat. It happens. I brought you along by accident, that's mostly how I meet girls, but don't worry, I promise I will get you home. I swear, whatever it takes, ( uses hand motions ) I will keep you safe. You will be at home again.
( The dinosaur bursts into flames. She moans in pain and the DOCTOR can only watch, helpless. )
The Doctor: Stop that. Who's doing that? No, don't do that. ( runs off as the dinosaur collapses )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, CONSERVATORY, NIGHT ]
( VASTRA stands up. )
Vastra: That came from the river!
Jenny: The dinosaur!
Vastra: Strax, bring the carriage, now!
[ EXT. LONDON, NIGHT ]
( The DOCTOR runs across the roof and leaps into a nearby tree. He unfortunately doesn't get a good grip and falls through the branches, finally stopping when his legs catch on a branch and he hangs upside-down overlooking the entry to the mews. A horse and carriage are headed his way. )
The Doctor: Halt!
( The DRIVER stops the carriage. )
The Doctor: Sorry, I'm going to have to relieve you of your pet!
Driver: You're what?
The Doctor: Shut up, I was talking to the horse!
( The DOCTOR drops from the branch and lands on the horse. He then uses the sonic screwdriver on the reins, cutting them. )
Driver: What are you doing?
The Doctor: Forwards!
( The horse rears and the DOCTOR gallops off. STRAX soon comes by driving VASTRA'S carriage. )
Strax: Out of the way, human scum! Hyya! Jurassic emergency! Hyya!
[ EXT. LONDON, STREET, NIGHT ]
( The DOCTOR rides the horse through the streets on his way to the river. )
The Doctor: Left! No, no! Right, right, right, right! Sorry, it's my new hands, I can't tell them apart.
( Not too far behind is VASTRA'S carriage. )
[ INT. CARRIAGE, NIGHT ]
( JENNY, VASTRA and CLARA are in the carriage as it races through the streets. )
Jenny: What do you think's happened?
Vastra: I don't know, but I fear devilment.
Clara: Should we not have told the Doctor?
Jenny: He's not ready to leave his bed.
[ EXT. LONDON, STREET, NIGHT ]
The Doctor: Watch it on the corners, it's a bit slippery up here!
[ INT. CARRIAGE, NIGHT ]
Vastra: Strax!
Strax: ( from outside ) Hyya!
Vastra: Come on, Strax!
Strax: ( from outside ) Hyya! Hyya, hyya!
Vastra: That's better!
[ EXT. LONDON, BRIDGE, NIGHT ]
( The DOCTOR arrives on the closest bridge crossing the Thames where the dinosaur was killed. He dismounts the horse and leaps onto the railing overlooking the still-burning remains. )
The Doctor: Sorry, sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.
( The carriage arrives and the passengers step out surprised to see the DOCTOR. )
Clara: The Doctor! What's he doing here?
Vastra: ( uses a remote to close and alarm the carriage ) There is trouble - where else would he be?
The Doctor: She was scared. She was scared and alone. I brought her here and look what they did.
Vastra: Who or what could have done this thing?
The Doctor: No.
Vastra: I'm sorry?
The Doctor: No. That is not the question. That is not where we start.
Strax: The question is how. The flesh itself has been combusted...
The Doctor: No, no, shut up! What do you all have for brains - pudding? Look at you. Why can't I meet a decent species? Planet of the pudding-brains!
Clara: ( walks to the railing ) Doctor... I know you're upset, but you need to calm down and talk to us. What is the question?
The Doctor: A dinosaur is burning in the heart of London. Nothing left but smoke and flame. The question is... have there been any similar murders?
Vastra: Yes! Yes, by the Goddess, there have!
The Doctor: ( looks towards the embankment ) Look at them all - gawking!
( The people on the embankment are talking excitedly amongst themselves. Off to the side is the HALF-FACE MAN showing no emotion whatsoever. )
The Doctor: Question two. If all the pudding-brains are gawking... then what is he? ( points at the HALF-FACE MAN as he walks away )
Vastra: He seems remarkably unmoved by the available spectacle.
( CLARA turns to look at VASTRA and doesn't see the DOCTOR jump into the river as she talks. )
Clara: Do you think that's whoever...? ( turns around as she hears a splash and looks over the rail ) What he's doing? He'll drown!
Vastra: I very much doubt it.
Clara: ( looks at VASTRA ) Why?
Vastra: There has been a murder. The Doctor has taken up the case. If we are to see him again, we must do the same.
( VASTRA heads back to the carriage. CLARA looks down into the churning waters of the Thames. )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, BEDROOM, DAY ]
( CLARA pours water into a basin before wetting the cloth. She is wearing a Victorian nightdress and has a shawl wrapped around her arms. We hear STRAX'S voice carry from outside. )
Strax: Come on, Earthling scum! Position it here. Easy now! That's it. Careful.
( CLARA goes to the window and opens it further. STRAX is directing two men unloading the TARDIS in the courtyard. He has a rolled-up newspaper in his hand. )
Strax: Don't get it scratched or you and all your bloodline will be obliterated from time and space.
Man: Very good, sir.
Clara: Strax!
Strax: ( looks up ) Ah, morning, Miss Clara. You're awake at last.
Clara: You got the TARDIS, then?
Strax: Military tactics. The Doctor is still missing, but he will always come looking for his box. By bringing it here, he will be lured from the dangers of London to this place of safety, and we will melt him with acid.
Clara: OK, that last part?
Strax: And we will not melt him with acid. Old habits. The Times. Shall I send it up?
Clara: Yeah, why not?
( STRAX throws the paper to CLARA. It hits her in the head and she falls backwards. )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, HALL, DAY ]
( CLARA exits her room now dressed in a period gown and her hair is done up on the top of her head. She looks like she did when a governess. She walks down the hall, the newspaper in her hand. She sees JENNY coming up the stairs. )
Clara: Jenny!
Jenny: Ah, good morning, Clara.
Clara: ( meets JENNY on the landing and walks up with her ) Morning. Erm, so what are we going to do? Are we looking for the Doctor?
Jenny: We've got the Paternoster Irregulars out in force. If anyone can find him, they can. Meanwhile, Madam Vastra is slightly occupied by the Conk-Singleton forgery case. And is having the Camberwell child-poisoner for dinner...
Clara: For dinner?
Jenny: After she's finished interrogating him. Probably best to stay out the larder. It'll get a bit noisy in there later.
Clara: Erm...
( JENNY walks away. CLARA goes downstairs. )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, KITCHEN, DAY ]
( STRAX is mopping the floor when he sees CLARA walking down the hall towards him. )
Strax: Ah, Miss Clara! ( leans mop against the wall ) You look better now you're up.
Clara: ( enters the room and unties the paper ) Thank you, Strax!
Strax: Oh, sorry, trick of the light. You still look terrible. Can I get you anything?
Clara: Er, no, thanks. Maybe just some water.
Strax: ( bows ) Of course. ( puts bucket of dirty water on the table ) Well, don't hold back, I've nearly finished anyway.
Clara: Um...
Strax: It's perfectly all right. I washed in it myself.
Clara: All of a sudden, I'm not very thirsty.
Strax: Really? ( walks over to CLARA ) Perhaps it is time then... ( takes out handheld device, turns it on and advances towards her ) for your mandatory medical examination.
( CLARA sits and STRAX aims the device at her eye as he looks through it. )
Strax: Say, "Ah."
Clara: Ah.
Strax: You didn't move your lips.
Clara: You're looking at my eye.
Strax: Oh, yes, there we are. Easy mistake. ( shines device on her forehead ) Ah-h! Now that's interesting.
Clara: What? What's interesting?
Strax: Deflected narcissism, traces of passive aggressive, and a lot of muscular young men doing sport.
Clara: What are you looking at?
Strax: Your subconscious. Is that sport? It could be sport.
Clara: Well, stop looking. ( flips the device closed )
Strax: ( opens the device and stands back to scan her torso ) Moving onto the thorax, such as it is... Ah, excellent. Enviable spleen! Well done. 27 years old, with a projected lifespan of exactly...
Clara: Stop... right there.
Strax: Oh, you're going to do quite well. But watch out for fluid retention later, it's going to be spectacular. Well, put your clothes back on.
Clara: They are on!
Strax: Oh, yes, so they are.
Clara: ( takes the device from STRAX and sets it on the table ) Why are you doing this?
Strax: If we are to serve together, I need you in peak physical prowess. Eh? ( punches her in the arm )
Clara: Ow! ( stands ) Why would we be serving together? The Doctor's going to come back, isn't he?
Strax: It is to be hoped.
Clara: He's not just going to abandon me here.
Strax: You must stop worrying about him, my boy. By now, he's almost certainly had his throat cut by the violent poor.
[ EXT. LONDON, ALLEY, DAY ]
( The DOCTOR, still in his nightshirt, is scrounging through junk in an alley. A TRAMP enters the alley and watches him. The DOCTOR finds a mirror and stares at his reflection. The TRAMP tosses his bottle and the DOCTOR whips around and looks at him. )
The Doctor: Bitey.
Tramp: Bitey?
The Doctor: The air... it's bitey, it's wet and bitey.
Tramp: Oh, it's cold!
The Doctor: That's right. It's cold! It's cold, I knew it was a thing. ( walks towards the TRAMP ) I need, um... I need clothes. I need clothes, that's what I need. ( rubs his neck ) And a big, long scarf. No, no, move on from that, looked stupid. Um... Have you seen this face before?
Tramp: No.
The Doctor: Are you sure?
Tramp: Sir, I have never seen that face.
The Doctor: It's funny, because...I'm sure that I have. You know, I never know where the faces come from. They just pop up. Zap! Faces like this one. ( pulls the TRAMP to the mirror ) Come on, look at it, have a look, come on, look, look, look. Look, it's covered in lines, but I didn't do the frowning. Who frowned me this face? Do you ever look in the mirror and think, "I've seen that face before"?
Tramp: Yes.
The Doctor: Really? When?
Tramp: Well, every time I look in the mirror.
The Doctor: Oh, yes, yes, yes, fair enough. Good point. My face is fresh on, though.
( The TRAMP turns and walks away. )
The Doctor: Er... Why this one? Why did I choose... this face? ( turns and starts to walk after the TRAMP ) It's like I'm trying to tell myself something, like I'm trying to make a point. But what is so important that I can't just tell myself what I'm thinking?
Tramp: Er...
The Doctor: I'm not just being rhetorical here, you can join in.
Tramp: I don't like it.
The Doctor: What?
Tramp: Your face.
The Doctor: Well, I don't like it either. Well, it's all right up until the eyebrows. Then it just goes haywire. Look at the eyebrows! These are attack eyebrows. You could take bottle tops off with these!
Tramp: They are mighty eyebrows indeed, sir.
The Doctor: They're cross! They're crosser than the rest of my face. They're independently cross. They probably want to cede from the rest of my face and set up their own independent state of eyebrows. That's Scot... I am Scottish. I've gone Scottish?
Tramp: Oh, yes, you are. You are definitely Scots, sir. I... I 'ear it in your voice.
The Doctor: Oh, no, that's good. Oh-h! Oh-h! It's good I'm Scottish, I'm Scottish. I am Scottish. I can complain about things, I can really complain about things now. Give me your coat.
Tramp: No.
The Doctor: I'm cold.
Tramp: I'm cold.
The Doctor: I'm cold. Well, there's no point in us both being cold, give me your coat. Give me your coat! No, wait. Shut up, shut up! Shut up! ( turns back and starts to search the alley ) I missed something. It was here, it was here. It was... What was it I saw, what did I see? ( finds newspaper and shows TRAMP ) This is what I saw! Spontaneous combustion!
( The small headline reads "Fourth Case of Spontaneous Combustion". )
Tramp: What devilry is this, sir?
The Doctor: I don't know, but I probably blame the English.
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, STUDIO, DAY ]
( VASTRA is standing at an easel as JENNY poses in a corset and shift, a shawl about her shoulders. )
Vastra: Hmm! Spontaneous combustion!
Jenny: Is that like love at first sight?
Vastra: Huh! A little. It is the theory that human beings can, with little or no inducement, simply explode.
Jenny: You don't need to flirt with me, we're already married.
Vastra: It's scientific nonsense, of course.
Jenny: Marriage?
Vastra: Hush! There have been nine reported incidents of people apparently exploding in the last month.
Jenny: And you think they weren't spontaneous.
Vastra: I think whoever killed the dinosaur had at least nine previous victims - ( turns the easel around to reveal a map and articles regarding the case ) all of these perished in the same spectacular fashion.
Jenny: ( no longer posing ) I thought you were painting me!
Vastra: I was working.
Jenny: Well, why am I posing then?
Vastra: Well, you brighten the room tremendously. Chin up a little. ( tries to get JENNY to pose again )
Jenny: Oh, I don't understand why I'm doing this!
Vastra: Art?
( JENNY just looks at VASTRA and she returns to the board. JENNY walks over as well. )
Vastra: Now, why destroy the victims so completely? It's difficult, it draws attention - what advantage is to be gained?
Jenny: Well, tell us, then.
Vastra: Concealment, perhaps.
Jenny: Concealment?
Vastra: It's a fanciful theory, but it fits the facts. By destroying the body so completely, you conceal what is missing from it.
Jenny: Missing from the body?
Clara: ( muffled ) Madame Vastra! ( enters the room )
Vastra: Clara, excellent. Pop your clothes on that chair there.
Clara: Look! ( holds up the personal ads and points )
Vastra: Advertisements, yes - so many, it's a distressing modern trend.
Clara: No, look! ( lays the paper on a table ) Look. ( points to an ad that reads "Impossible Girl" )
( VASTRA walks to the door. )
Jenny: Ma'am?
Vastra: The game is afoot. We're going to need a lot of tea. ( tugs on bell pull )
>>> LATER >>>
( STRAX is pouring the tea as VASTRA looks at the newspaper and JENNY and CLARA study the map. )
Vastra: There appears to be nothing of significance in the rest of the newspaper, not even in the agony column.
Jenny: We can't know it's from the Doctor.
Clara: Of course it's from the Doctor. The Impossible Girl, that's what he calls me!
Vastra: He says lunch, but not when or where?
Jenny: "On the other side?" The other side of London? Bit vague.
Vastra: The other side of regeneration, perhaps, once he's recovered?
Clara: ( pacing ) So what am I supposed to do - guess where we're meeting?
Vastra: Perhaps that's the point. Perhaps you're supposed to prove that you still know him. Think what that must mean for a man who barely knows himself.
Clara: It doesn't makes sense. He doesn't do puzzles. He isn't complicated, really doesn't have the attention span. So... ( pulls the outside sheet of the paper and holds it to the light ) keeping it dead simple... "..on the other side." ( flips the paper over to reveal "Mancini's Family Restaurant" directly behind the ad )
[ EXT. LONDON, STREET, DAY ]
( CLARA holds the newspaper and crosses the street to Mancini's restaurant. )
[ INT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
( CLARA enters the restaurant. Despite the number of diners, it is very quiet, no conversation. She takes a seat at a table against the wall and looks at the paper to keep busy. She then makes a face and sniffs. She looks around for the source of the smell and turns back to see the DOCTOR sitting next to her. He is wearing the TRAMP'S coat. CLARA fans the folded paper under her nose and coughs. )
The Doctor: What's wrong?
Clara: I don't know! Maybe the smell?
The Doctor: I know, it's everywhere. ( looks around )
Clara: Where did you get that coat?
The Doctor: Er... I bought it.
Clara: From where?
The Doctor: Er, a shop.
Clara: No.
The Doctor: Might have been a tramp.
Clara: You don't have any money.
The Doctor: Er... I had a watch!
Clara: No! That watch was beautiful.
The Doctor: It was my favourite.
Clara: You swapped your favourite watch for that coat - that's maybe not a good deal.
The Doctor: Well, I was in a hurry, there was a terrible smell.
Clara: OK.
( The DOCTOR smiles and chuckles, pointing at CLARA. )
Clara: No, no. Don't, don't... Don't, don't smile. I will smile first and then you know it's safe to smile.
The Doctor: Are you cross with me?
Clara: I am not cross, but if I was cross it would be your fault and... yes, I am cross.
The Doctor: I guessed that.
Clara: I am extremely cross.
The Doctor: And if I hadn't changed my face, would you be cross?
Clara: I would be cross if I wasn't cross!
The Doctor: Why?
Clara: Why? An ordinary person wants to meet someone that they know very well for lunch, what do they do?
The Doctor: Well, they probably... get in touch and suggest lunch.
Clara: Mm-hm. OK, so what sort of person would put a cryptic note in...in a newspaper advert?
The Doctor: Well, I wouldn't like to say.
Clara: Oh, go on, do say.
The Doctor: Well, I would say that that person would be an egomaniac, needy, game-player sort of person.
Clara: ( sighs ) Thank you. Well, at least that hasn't changed.
The Doctor: And I don't suppose it ever will.
Clara: ( chuckles ) No, I don't suppose it will either.
The Doctor: Clara, honestly... ( puts a hand on one of hers ) I don't want you to change. It was no bother, really. I saw your advert, I figured it out - happy to play your game.
Clara: No. No... no, I didn't place the ad. You placed the ad.
The Doctor: No, I didn't.
Clara: Yes, you placed the ad, I figured it out! Impossible Girl, see, lunch? ( holds up paper )
The Doctor: ( takes paper ) No, look, the Impossible... That is a message FROM the Impossible Girl.
Clara: FOR the Impossible... Girl.
The Doctor: Oh? Oh?
Clara: Hmm.
The Doctor: Well, if neither of us placed that ad, who placed... that ad? ( looks out at the diners )
Clara: Hang on. "Egomaniac, needy, game-player"?
The Doctor: This could be a trap.
Clara: That was me?
The Doctor: Never mind that.
Clara: Yes, I am minding that!
The Doctor: Clara....
Clara: You were talking about me?
The Doctor: Clara, what is happening right now in this restaurant to you and me is more important than your egomania.
Clara: Nothing is more important than my egomania!
The Doctor: Right, you actually said that.
Clara: You never mention that again!
The Doctor: ( scratches head ) It's... it's a vanity trap. You're so busy congratulating yourself on solving the puzzle, ( pulls a hair from his head ) you don't notice that you're sticking your head in a noose. ( holds air up by fingertips )
Clara: What are you doing? And that isn't the only grey one, if you are, erm, having a cull.
The Doctor: What, do you have a problem with the grey ones?
Clara: If I got new hair, and it was grey, I would have a problem.
The Doctor: Yeah, I bet you would.
Clara: Meaning?
The Doctor: It's too short. ( drops hair and pulls one from CLARA'S head )
Clara: Ow!
The Doctor: Sorry, it was the only one out of place, I'm sure that you would want it killed.
Clara: Oooh, are you trying to tell me something?
The Doctor: ( holds the piece of hair loosely ) I'm trying to measure the air disturbance in the room.
Clara: Right, moments when you know you are boring.
( The DOCTOR drops the hair and it falls straight down. He then looks out at the diners and it appears they are literally just going through the motions and never really eating. )
The Doctor: There is something extremely wrong with everybody else in this room.
Clara: Mmm, basically, don't you always think that?
The Doctor: Look at them.
( CLARA looks. )
The Doctor: Don't look!
Clara: You just said to look!
The Doctor: Look without looking!
( CLARA faces the DOCTOR but looks out the side of her eyes at the other diners. )
Clara: They look fine to me. They're just eating.
The Doctor: Are they?
( CLARA looks again and notices that even though they bring the food to their mouths, it never goes in. )
Clara: OK, no. No, they're not eating.
The Doctor: Something else they're not doing. ( pulls another hair from CLARA and drops it ) Breathing.
Clara: What do we do?
The Doctor: What, you don't want to eat, do you?
Clara: Hmm! Slightly lost my appetite. How long before they notice that we're different?
The Doctor: Not long.
Clara: Anything we can do?
The Doctor: How long can you hold your breath?
Clara: We could just casually stroll out of here, like we've changed our minds.
The Doctor: Happens all the time.
Clara: Ha! Course it does.
( The DOCTOR and CLARA stand to leave and so does every other diner. They take a step forward and the diners move towards them. The DOCTOR and CLARA take another step and so do the diners. )
Clara: We could... take another look at the menu.
( The DOCTOR and CLARA sit back down and the diners resume their places. )
Clara: ( looks at menu ) What are they?
The Doctor: I don't know. But don't worry, because that's not the question. The question is what is this restaurant?
Clara: OK, what is this restaurant?
The Doctor: I don't know.
( They look up to see a WAITER standing there. He stares at them. )
The Doctor: Er... no sausages? Do you... And there's no pictures either. Do you have a children's menu?
( The WAITER takes out a wand-like device and scans the DOCTOR. )
The Doctor: Any specials?
Waiter: ( monotone ) Liver.
The Doctor: I don't like liver.
Waiter: Spleen. Brain stem. Eyes.
Clara: Mm. Is there a lot of demand for those?
The Doctor: I don't think that's what's on the menu. I think we are the menu.
Waiter: ( scans CLARA ) Lungs. Skin.
( The DOCTOR peers up at the WAITER. )
The Doctor: Excuse me. ( rips off face to reveal a pilot light burning underneath )
Clara: OK. Robot in a mask.
The Doctor: It's a face.
Clara: Yeah, it's very convincing.
The Doctor: ( presses the "mask" against CLARA'S face ) No, it's a face.
Clara: ( drops face ) Oh!
Waiter: Yes.
The Doctor: Yes, what?
Waiter: Yes, we have a children's menu.
( Metal restraints come out from the chairs over the upper arms and chest and another around the waist and lower arms. The booth is then lowered down a shaft. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. SHAFT, DAY ]
The Doctor: You've got to admire their efficiency.
Clara: Is it OK if I don't?
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( The booth comes to a rest in an open room that has been unused for so long, it has turned to rust. The HALF-FACE MAN is sitting on a chair in the middle of the room, his back to the shaft. There are figures standing in alcoves around the room. )
The Doctor: Hello? Hello, are you the manager? I demand to speak to the manager.
Clara: This is not a real restaurant, is it?
The Doctor: Well... it's more a sort of automated organ collection station for the unwary diner. Sweeney Todd without the pies.
Clara: So, where are we now?
The Doctor: Factually, an ancient spaceship, probably buried for centuries, functionally... a larder.
Clara: So why hasn't somebody come for us?
The Doctor: We're alive.
Clara: We're alive in a larder.
The Doctor: Exactly. It's cheaper than freezing us.
Clara: OK.
( The DOCTOR leans forward, the sonic screwdriver peeking out from under the coat. )
The Doctor: Are you ready?
Clara: Go for it.
The Doctor: Don't let it roll away.
Clara: No.
The Doctor: We've got one shot at this.
Clara: Next time, make one that doesn't roll.
The Doctor: Go!
( The DOCTOR shakes the sonic loose and it falls to the floor. CLARA tries to reach it with her feet. )
The Doctor: Got it?
Clara: I can only just about reach.
The Doctor: ( softly ) Oh, it's at times like this I miss Amy.
Clara: Who?
The Doctor: Nothing.
( CLARA grips the sonic between her shoes. )
Clara: Ready?
The Doctor: Don't miss!
( CLARA kicks up the sonic and it lands in a rather sensitive spot in the DOCTOR'S lap. )
The Doctor: Oh-h!
Clara: Oh. Sorry, did I hit... something?
The Doctor: Oh, the symbolism!
( The DOCTOR picks up the sonic with his fingers and uses it on the restraints. )
Clara: ( stands ) You should make that thing voice-activated. Oh, for God's sake, it is, isn't it?
The Doctor: I don't want to talk about it.
( They spot one of the figures in an alcove. It is dressed like a Mandarin. )
Clara: Doctor?
The Doctor: ( studies it up close ) Dormant.
Clara: How do you know?
The Doctor: I don't. I'm just hoping.
( They look around cautiously. )
Clara: So... is it these guys that killed the dinosaur?
The Doctor: Well, if they're harvesting organs, a dinosaur would have some great stuff.
Clara: Why would robots need organs? Burke and Hare from space?
The Doctor: No, but that's a good theory. Droids harvesting spare parts. That rings a bell.
( They stop and look at the HALF-FACE MAN as he sits still in a chair. )
The Doctor: Captain, my Captain.
Clara: Can he see us?
The Doctor: Dormant.
Clara: Hoping?
The Doctor: Yep. Oh, look! ( hurries to the chair and lifts a wire ) He's recharging. He's asleep. ( waves fingers in front of the other's face ) Doesn't even know we're here.
Clara: Are you sure?
The Doctor: Sure, not sure - one or the other.
Clara: ( peers at the HALF-FACE MAN ) OK, so half-man, half-robot. A cyborg, yeah?
The Doctor: Oh.
Clara: Oh?
The Doctor: Oh-h.
Clara: Oh?
The Doctor: Look at the hands.
Clara: What about them?
The Doctor: Look at them.
Clara: I'm looking.
The Doctor: ( holds up both hands ) They don't match. These hands don't belong to the same body.
Clara: I don't understand.
The Doctor: I don't blame you. See, this...this is not your normal cyborg. This isn't a man turning himself into a robot. This is a robot turning himself... into a man, piece by piece.
Clara: That's what the restaurant's for.
The Doctor: Well, it would need a constant supply of spare parts. You can tan skin, but organs rot. Some of that metalwork looks Roman. Wonder how long it's been around, how much of the original is even left. The eyeballs look very fresh, though. Eugh!
( The HALF-FACE MAN'S arms move and the DOCTOR and CLARA jump back. )
Clara: Aggh!
( The HALF-FACE MAN places his hands on the arm of the chair. We can see the clockwork gears turning in his head. )
Clara: Is it awake?
The Doctor: It's waking up... I think.
( CLARA motions with her hands for them to leave. )
The Doctor: OK, let's go.
( They move slowly and quietly through an open door. The DOCTOR stops and turns back through. )
The Doctor: I've seen this before. I'm missing something!
Clara: Doctor!
The Doctor: It's the brand-new head, rebooting! ( taps his head ) Come on! I've seen this before!
( CLARA hurries back and guides him back towards the door. )
Clara: Oh, hurry up, get out. ( pushes him through the doorway )
( The HALF-FACE MAN begins to move as CLARA looks back. The door slides closed leaving CLARA trapped. )
Clara: Doctor!
( The DOCTOR uses the sonic on the door and it rises partway but not enough for CLARA to get through. )
Clara: Quickly!
( Through the window, the DOCTOR sees the HALF-FACE MAN unplug himself. )
The Doctor: Sorry, too slow. There's no point in them catching us both.
Clara: Well, give me the screwdriver!
The Doctor: I might need it. ( uses the sonic to close the door )
( They look at each other through the window and then the door leaves. )
Clara: Doctor? ( looks over and sees HALF-FACE MAN walk to booth ) Oh!
( CLARA presses herself into the indentation by the door to hide. When the HALF-FACE MAN turns away, CLARA tries to escape by another door. She finds an empty alcove and takes up position like the other robots. The Chinese robot bends to look at her. CLARA remembers the DOCTOR'S words from the restaurant. )
The Doctor ( v.o. ): 'Something else they're not doing.'
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
The Doctor: ( pulls another hair from CLARA and drops it ) Breathing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( The HALF-FACE MAN strides towards CLARA. )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
The Doctor: How long can you hold your breath?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( CLARA takes a deep breath and holds it. The HALF-FACE MAN stops and tilts his head. CLARA'S eyes open wide and her brow furrows. The HALF-FACE MAN walks away. A tear falls down CLARA'S cheek as she watches the Chinese robot move away. In order to fit in, she walks with jerky movements towards the now open door and into the hall beyond. )
[ INT. SHIP, HALL, DAY ]
( CLARA walks down the hall still holding her breath. There are robots lining both sides of the hall. She runs around the corner and struggles holding her breath. She can barely keep walking and her face perspires and her eyes water. Her vision starts to go as she begins to see red. Soon she can't hold it any longer and she gasps for breath as she falls to the floor. )
Half-face man: Bring her.
( As a robot picks her up and drags her to the main room, CLARA begins to hallucinate, flashing back to her first day teaching and the students are unruly. )
[ INT. SCHOOLROOM, DAY ]
( CLARA stands at the front of the class but the students ignore her. )
Clara: All right, stop. Stop it, all of you, now.
Male student: Ha-ha! It's her first day.
Clara: If you don't stop it, I'm going to have each and every single one of you kicked out of this school!
Female student: Go on, then. Do it!
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( CLARA comes to lying on the floor in front of the HALF-FACE MAN sitting in his chair. )
Half-face man: Where is the other one? There was another. Where is he? Where is the other? You will tell us... or you will be destroyed.
Clara: What did you say?
Half-face man: You will tell us.
Clara: Yeah, I know, or what?
Half-face man: You will die.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ INT. SCHOOLROOM, DAY ]
Female student: Go on, then. Do it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clara: ( stands ) Go on, then. Do it. I'm not going to answer any of your questions, so you have to do it. You have to kill me. Threats don't work unless you deliver.
Half-face man: You will tell us where the other one is.
Clara: Nope.
Half-face man: You will be destroyed.
Clara: Destroy me, then. And if you don't, then... I not going to believe a single threat you make from now on. Of course, if I'm dead, then... I can't tell you where the other one went, then... You need to keep this place down here a secret, don't you? Never start with your final sanction. You've got nowhere to go but backwards.
Half-face man: Humans feel pain.
Clara: Bigger threat to smaller threat - see what I mean? Backwards.
Half-face man: The information can be extracted by means of your suffering.
Clara: Are you trying to scare me? Well, cos I'm already bloody terrified of dying... and I'll endure a lot of pain for a very long time before I give up the information that's keeping me alive. How long have you got?
( HALF-FACE MAN stands. )
Clara: All you can offer me is my life - what you can't do is threaten it. You can negotiate.
( HALF-FACE MAN removes his right hand and lifts it to where it grips his lapel. )
Clara: ( backs away ) OK, OK, OK! OK, yes, yes, yes, I'm crying and it's just because I am very frightened of you. If you know anything about human beings, that means you... ( points a finger at him ) you're in a lot trouble.
( HALF-FACE MAN attaches a blowtorch to his arm and holds it out towards CLARA. )
Half-face man: We will not negotiate.
Clara: You don't have a choice. I tell you what, I'll answer your questions if you answer mine.
Half-face man: We will not answer questions.
Clara: We'll take turns, I'll go first. Why did you kill the dinosaur?
Half-face man: We will not answer questions.
Clara: Why did you kill the dinosaur?
Half-face man: We will not answer questions!
Clara: Then you might as well kill me, because I'm not talking again till you do. ( looks away )
( After a moment, the HALF-FACE MAN lowers the torch. )
Half-face man: Within the optic nerve of the dinosaur is material of use to our computer systems.
Clara: You burned a whole dinosaur for a spare part? No, no, hang on. You know what's in a dinosaur's optic nerve, which means you've seen them before.
Half-face man: Where is the other one?
Clara: How long have you been rebuilding yourselves? Look at the state of you! Is there any real you left? What's the point?
Half-face man: We will reach the Promised Land.
Clara: The what? The Promised Land? What's that?
Half-face man: Where is the other one?
Clara: I don't know. But I know where he will be...where he will always be. If the Doctor is still the Doctor... he will have my back. ( slowly reaches her right hand behind her back ) I'm right, aren't I? Go on. Please, please, God, say I'm right.
( Her hand is gripped and she's is pulled away. It is the same figure who carried her down the hall and placed her on the floor. Hands reach up to peel off the face and reveal the DOCTOR. )
The Doctor: Hello, hello, rubbish robots from the dawn of time, thank you for all the gratuitous information. Five foot one and crying - you never stood a chance. ( slaps down HALF-FACE MAN'S torch hand ) Stop it! ( presses sonic into power source ) This is your power source, and feeble though it is, I can use it to blow this whole room if I see one thing that I don't like, and that includes karaoke and mime, so take no chances. See, Clara? ( throws face at CLARA who catches it ) That's how you disguise yourself as a Droid.
Clara: Yeah, well, I didn't have a lot of time, I'd been suddenly abandoned!
The Doctor: Sorry. Well, no, actually I'm not, you're brilliant on adrenaline. And you were out of your depth, sir. Never try and control a control freak.
Clara: I am not a control freak! ( throws down face )
The Doctor: Yes, ma'am.
Clara: Oh!
Half-face man: Why are you here?
The Doctor: Why did you invite us? The message, in the paper... that was you, wasn't it?
( The HALF-FACE MAN looks at the DOCTOR, tilting his head. )
The Doctor: Oh. I hate being wrong in public. Everybody forget that happened. ( walks over to CLARA ) Clara, say the word.
Clara: What word?
( They back away from the advancing HALF-FACE MAN. )
The Doctor: They never sent you in here without a word.
Clara: I don't want to say it.
The Doctor: I've guessed already.
( CLARA presses a finger to her brooch as she and the DOCTOR speak in unison. )
Both: Geronimo!
( From an opening in the ceiling, VASTRA and JENNY perform an aerial drop as they unroll with a silk sash. They both land gracefully and unsheathe their weapons. )
Vastra: Remain still and lay down your weapons, in the name of the British Empire!
( With a cry, STRAX falls to the floor as he tries to copy the same stunt. )
Vastra: Strax!
Strax: Sorry.
Jenny: I've told you before - take the stairs.
The Doctor: ( to CLARA ) Oh, look. The cavalry.
Half-face man: ( advancing ) I burned an ancient, beautiful creature for one inch of optic nerve. What do you think you can accomplish, little man?
The Doctor: What do you? Vastra?
Vastra: ( blocks HALF-FACE MAN'S arm ) The establishment upstairs has been disabled with maximum prejudice, and the authorities summoned.
Clara: Hang on, she called the police? We never do that, we should start.
The Doctor: ( standing behind VASTRA ) You see? Destroy us if you will, they're still going to close your restaurant. That was going to sound better.
Half-face man: Then we will destroy you. ( motions to other robots )
( The other robots step out of the alcoves, blades attached to their arms. The door opens to the hall allowing others inside. VASTRA pushes the HALF-FACE MAN away. He then advances with the others behind him. The DOCTOR and CLARA back away, VASTRA between them and the robots. )
The Doctor: No, you won't. You're logical. You have restraint. You kill to survive - you're not a murderer.
Clara: He's not a what? This is a slaughterhouse.
The Doctor: And how does that make it different from any other restaurant? You weren't vegetarian the last time I checked. This is over. Killing us won't change that. What would be the point?
Half-face man: To find the Promised Land.
The Doctor: You're millions of years old, it's time you knew - there isn't one.
Half-face man: I am in search of paradise.
The Doctor: Yeah, well, me too. I'm not going to make it either.
( The HALF-FACE MAN backhands the DOCTOR and he falls to the floor, the sonic slipping from his pocket. )
Clara: Doctor! ( kneels beside him )
( The HALF-FACE MAN walks over to the booth at the base of the shaft. )
Half-face man: I will leave in the escape capsule. Destroy where necessary.
Vastra: Escape capsule? This ship is millions of years old, it'll never fly.
Half-face man: It has been repaired.
Vastra: What with?
Half-face man: You.
Strax: Defensive positions everyone.
( VASTRA, JENNY and STRAX surround the DOCTOR and CLARA as the robots encircle them. )
Clara: Doctor! He's getting away!
[ INT. SHAFT, DAY ]
( The booth starts up the shaft. )
Half-face man: Your friend is intelligent. He'll know better than to follow me.
( The DOCTOR holds on to a bar underneath the booth as it goes up. )
[ EXT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
( The INSPECTOR arrives with two constables. )
Inspector: Right, here we are, this is the place, come with me.
( They enter the restaurant. )
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( CLARA, VASTRA, JENNY and STRAX stand in a circle, backs to each other. )
Vastra: It is our intent to leave. If it is your intent to stop us, perhaps we should get down to business.
[ INT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
( The INSPECTOR and the constables enter the dining room. He removes his hat, a stunned expression on his face. We see the "bodies" of the robots on the floor. )
Inspector: Dear Lord, what has she landed us with this time?
( The HALF-FACE MAN arrives and stands. )
Half-face man: The restaurant is closed. ( he lights the torch )
( The police hurry through the doors. )
[ EXT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
Inspector: ( puts hat back on ) Keep everyone out. No-one goes in there!
[ INT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
( Two glasses of whisky are poured. The HALF-FACE MAN turns around and sees the DOCTOR sitting at the table. )
Half-face man: What are you doing?
The Doctor: I've got the horrible feeling I'm going to have to kill you. I thought you might appreciate a drink first. I know I would. ( sips whisky )
( The HALF-FACE MAN pulls down a lever on the control panel. )
[ EXT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
( The police look up as the building shakes and the roof opens. )
Inspector: Watch out!
[ INT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
( Some dust falls as the DOCTOR rises and walks over to the HALF-FACE MAN. )
The Doctor: 51st century, right? Time travelling spaceship, crashed in the past. You're trying to get home the long way round.
Half-face man: I go to the Promised Land.
The Doctor: So you keep saying.
( The HALF-FACE MAN presses another lever. )
The Doctor: OK, so your restaurant is made out of your old ship, ( picks up bouquet of roses ) but you're wasting your time, it can't ever fly.
Half-face man: The escape pod is viable.
The Doctor: How? You can't patch up a spaceship with human remains. You know, this really is ringing a bell.
( The HALF-FACE MAN presses a series of buttons and the building shakes and more dust falls. )
The Doctor: OK, that's clever. How are you powering it? ( strides to the control panel )
Half-face man: Skin.
[ EXT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
( A large balloon emerges from the roof. )
Inspector: Get to the station! We need more men!
Constable: What shall I tell them is happening?
Inspector: ( shoves CONSTABLE ) Go!
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( JENNY and VASTRA converse as they fight. )
Vastra: How many do you estimate, my dear?
Jenny: More than upstairs, about 20, 30?
Vastra: The ones upstairs were mere decoys. These are battle-ready. I anticipate a challenge.
Strax: ( to CLARA while firing laser ) Don't worry, my boy, we shall die in glory!
Clara: OK. Good-o!
[ EXT. RESTAURANT, DAY ]
( A square escape capsule is tethered to the balloon as he floats away over London. )
[ INT. ESCAPE POD, DAY ]
( The DOCTOR pulls one of the fuses. It bears the name "SS Marie Antoinette". )
The Doctor: ( backs away ) "SS Marie Antoinette." Out-of-control repair Droids, cannibalising human beings. I know that this is familiar, but I just can't seem to place it.
Half-face man: How would you kill me?
The Doctor: "Sister ship of the Madame De Pompadour." ( sniffs flowers ) Nope, not getting it.
Half-face man: How would you kill me?
The Doctor: Why don't you have a drink first? It's only human.
Half-face man: I am not human.
The Doctor: Neither am I.
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( The fight goes on. However, no matter how hard they strike, the robots stand back up and continue the fight. )
Strax: Why can't you stay dead, coward!
( STRAX laughs, invigorated by the battle. VASTRA and JENNY keep pushing the robots away. )
[ EXT. LONDON, DAY ]
( The escape capsule floats over London. )
[ INT. ESCAPE POD, DAY ]
( The DOCTOR and the HALF-FACE MAN sit at the table and watch the city go by below. )
The Doctor: What do you think of the view?
Half-face man: I do not think of it.
The Doctor: I don't think of it. I don't. Droids and apostrophes, I could write a book, except you are... barely a Droid any more. There's more human in you than machine. So tell me...what do you think of the view?
Half-face man: ( walks to window and moves curtain ) It is beautiful.
The Doctor: ( stands and walks to the window ) No, it isn't. It's just far away. Everything looks too small. I prefer it down there. Everything is huge. Everything is so important. Every detail, every moment, every life clung to.
Half-face man: How could you kill me?
The Doctor: For the same reason that you're asking me that question - because you don't really want to carry on. ( walks away ) What'll happen to the other Droids when you die? You're the control node, aren't you? Presumably they'll deactivate.
Half-face man: I will not die. I will reach the Promised Land.
The Doctor: There isn't any Promised Land. This is just... It's a superstition that you have picked up from all the humanity you've stuffed inside yourself.
Half-face man: I am not dead.
The Doctor: You are a broom. Question - you take a broom, you replace the handle, and then later you replace the brush and you do that over and over again. Is it still the same broom? Answer - no, of course it isn't. But you can still sweep the floor. Which is not strictly relevant, skip that last part. You have replaced every piece of yourself, mechanical and organic, time and time again - there's not a trace of the original you left. ( holds up silver platter ) You probably can't even remember where you got that face from.
( The HALF-FACE MAN takes the platter and looks into it. On the other side, the DOCTOR'S new face is reflected back at him. The HALF-FACE MAN throws the platter onto a table. )
Half-face man: It cannot end.
The Doctor: It has to. You know it does. And there's only one way out. ( opens the doors )
Half-face man: Self-destruction is against my basic program.
( The HALF-FACE MAN raises his hand to strike the DOCTOR while his back is turned. )
The Doctor: And murder is against mine!
( The DOCTOR turns just in time to block the HALF-FACE MAN and the two struggle in front of the open doors. )
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( The group are surrounded by robots and disarmed. VASTRA tries in vain to spot JENNY. )
Vastra: Jenny!
Clara: Hold your breath! They're stupid. Everybody hold their breath.
( Everyone holds their breath and the robots pull away their weapons and pause. CLARA finds the sonic and crawls away. VASTRA makes her way to JENNY who is struggling holding her breath. )
Jenny: 'I can't do it. I can't.'
Vastra: 'Be brave, my love. I can store oxygen in my lungs. Share with me!' ( kisses JENNY )
( CLARA tries to use the sonic on the door but it won't work. )
[ INT. ESCAPE POD, DAY ]
( The DOCTOR presses the HALF-FACE MAN against the door. )
Half-face man: You are stronger than you look.
The Doctor: And I'm hoping you are too. This... is over. Are you capable of admitting that?
Half-face man: Do you have it in you to murder me?
The Doctor: Those people down there, they're never small to me. Don't make assumptions about how far I will go to protect them, because I've already come a very long way. And unlike you, I don't expect to reach the Promised Land.
( The HALF-FACE MAN switches off the torch and lowers his arm. The DOCTOR backs away to the opposite door. )
The Doctor: You realise, of course, one of us is lying about our basic programming.
Half-face man: Yes.
The Doctor: And I think we both know who that is.
( They continue the stand-off. )
[ INT. SHIP, DAY ]
( STRAX struggles to raise his weapon. )
Vastra: Stop!
( They all release their breath and CLARA shakes the sonic as the robots reach out for her. Blades are pointed at STRAX. All of a sudden, the robots shut down. Their bodies collapse to the floor. )
[ EXT. LONDON, WESTMINSTER CLOCK TOWER, DAY ]
( The HALF-FACE MAN'S hat falls in slow motion in front of the clock face. We pan up to see him impaled on the spire. )
[ INT. ESCAPE POD, DAY ]
( The DOCTOR stares out the door. )
[ INT. CARRIAGE, DAY ]
( CLARA looks anxiously at JENNY and VASTRA during the drive. )
[ EXT. COURTYARD, DAY ]
( STRAX brings the carriage to a halt. )
Strax: Whoa.
( The passengers disembark from the carriage. )
Jenny: You're sure he'd come back here?
Vastra: There was no trace of him in the wreckage, they searched all Parliament Hill. Where else would he go?
( CLARA looks down on the ground. There is a perfect square marked out against the straw. )
Vastra: I fear we have missed him.
( CLARA looks up to the sky. )
[ INT. VASTRA and JENNY'S, CONSERVATORY, DAY ]
( VASTRA is standing in silent contemplation before opening her eyes and rubbing her hands. )
Vastra: Please come in.
( VASTRA turns around to see CLARA back in her normal clothes. )
Clara: I'm not interrupting?
Vastra: I should be glad of your company. What can I do for you?
Clara: Ah, well, that's exactly what I was going to ask you. Seems like I'm stuck here now. Got a vacancy?
Vastra: ( walks to CLARA ) You would be very welcome to join our little household, but I have it on the highest authority that the Doctor will be returning for you very soon.
Clara: Whose authority?
Vastra: Well, the person who knows him best in all the universe.
Clara: And who's that?
Vastra: Miss Clara Oswald... who perhaps has, by instinct, already dressed to leave.
Clara: I just wanted a change of clothes. I don't think I know who the Doctor is any more.
( We hear the TARDIS materialize. )
Vastra: It would seem, my dear, you are very wrong about that.
( CLARA runs towards the sound. )
Vastra: Clara! Give him hell. He'll always need it.
( CLARA hurries from the room. )
[ EXT. COURTYARD, DAY ]
( CLARA comes to a halt when she sees the TARDIS. She enters. )
[ INT. TARDIS ]
( The TARDIS has had a bit of a make-over. The upper level is now lined with bookshelves and the DOCTOR is sitting in a leather chair. )
Clara: You've redecorated.
The Doctor: Yes.
Clara: I don't like it.
The Doctor: Not completely entirely convinced myself. I think there should be more round things on the walls. I used to have lots of round things. I wonder where I put them.
( CLARA stays down by the console. The DOCTOR stands and slowly goes down the steps. )
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I've lived for over 2,000 years and not all of them were good. I've made many mistakes, ( rounds the other side of the console to face her ) and it's about time that I did something about that. Clara, I'm not your boyfriend.
Clara: I never thought you were.
The Doctor: I never said it was your mistake.
( The DOCTOR puts the TARDIS in motion and then shows off his new clothes - a black suit with a red-lined jacket. )
The Doctor: What do you think?
( She doesn't say anything. She takes a few steps away before turning back. )
Clara: Who put that advert in the paper?
The Doctor: Who gave you my number? A long time ago, remember? You were given the number of a computer helpline, and you ended up phoning the TARDIS. Who gave you that number?
Clara: The woman. The woman in the shop.
The Doctor: Then there's a woman out there who's very keen that we stay together.
( The TARDIS materializes. )
The Doctor: How do you feel on the subject?
Clara: Am I home?
The Doctor: If you want to be. ( smiles )
Clara: I'm sorry. I'm... I'm so, so sorry... but I don't think I know who you are any more.
( CLARA'S phone rings. )
The Doctor: You'd better get that. It might be your boyfriend.
Clara: Shut up. ( takes phone out of pocket ) I don't have a boyfriend. ( exits )
( The DOCTOR watches her leave. )
[ EXT. STREET, DAY ]
( CLARA steps out of the TARDIS and steps out of the way as she answers. )
Clara: Hello! Hello?
Male voice: 'It's me.'
Clara: Yes, it's you, who's this?
Male voice: 'It's me, Clara. The Doctor.'
Clara: What do you mean, the Doctor?
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
[ INT. TARDIS, TRENZALORE ]
( The 11th DOCTOR is on the phone. )
Eleven: I'm phoning you from Trenzalore...
Clara: I don't...
Eleven: '..from before I changed.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FLASHBACK
[ EXT. TRENZALORE ]
( CLARA walks to the TARDIS and sees the phone dangling. She replaces it. )
Eleven ( v.o. ): I mean it's all still to happen for me, it's coming. Oh, it's a-coming...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Eleven: Not long now. I can... feel it.
( CLARA holds the phone to her chest, fighting back tears. She takes a breath before speaking again. )
Clara: Why? Why would you do this?
Eleven: Because I think it's going to be a whopper and I think you might be scared. And however scared you are, Clara, the man you are with right now, the man I hope you are with, believe me, he is more scared than anything you can imagine right now and he...he needs you.
( The DOCTOR stands by the open TARDIS door. )
The Doctor: So who is it?
Eleven: Is that the Doctor?
The Doctor: Is that the Doctor?
Clara: Yes.
Eleven: He sounds old. Please tell me I didn't get old. Anything but old! I was young. Oh... Is he grey?
Clara: Yes.
Eleven: Clara, please, eh, for me, help him. Go on...and don't be afraid.
( The DOCTOR closes the TARDIS door and walks over. )
Eleven: Goodbye, Clara. Miss you.
( CLARA ends the call and wipes her tears. )
The Doctor: Well?
Clara: ( faces him ) Well, what?
The Doctor: He asked you a question. Will you help me?
Clara: You shouldn't have been listening.
The Doctor: I wasn't. I didn't need to. That was me talking. ( starts back to the TARDIS then stops and turns ) You can't see me, can you? You look at me, and you can't see me. Have you any idea what that's like? I'm not on the phone, I'm right here... standing in front of you. Please, just... just see me.
( CLARA walks over slowly and looks up, studying his face. )
Clara: ( smiles ) Thank you.
The Doctor: For what?
Clara: Phoning. ( hugs him )
The Doctor: I... I don't think that I'm a hugging person now. ( holds hands out behind her back )
Clara: I'm not sure you get a vote.
The Doctor: Whatever you say.
Clara: This isn't my home, by the way.
The Doctor: Sorry, I'm sorry about that, I missed.
Clara: ( ends hug ) Where are we?
The Doctor: Glasgow, I think.
Clara: Ah! You'll fit right in. ( accent ) Scottish.
The Doctor: Right, shall we, er... Do you want to go and get some coffee or... chips or... something, or chips and coffee?
Clara: Coffee. Coffee would be great. You're buying! ( starts down the pavement )
The Doctor: I don't have any money. ( follows )
Clara: You're fetching, then.
The Doctor: I'm not sure that I'm the fetching sort...
Clara: Yeah, still not sure you get a vote.
( They walk away side-by-side. )
[ EXT. GARDEN ]
( The HALF-FACE MAN wakes, sits up and puts on his hat. A WOMAN looking very proper in Edwardian garb (similar to Mary Poppins) is sitting on the edge of a fountain. )
Woman: Hello! ( stands ) I'm Missy. You made it. ( walks over and joins him on the porch ) I hope my boyfriend wasn't too mean to you.
Half-face man: Boy...friend?
Missy: ( takes his hand and guides him to sit ) Now did he push you out of that thing, or did you fall? Couldn't really tell. He can be very mean sometimes, ( pats his hand ) except to me, of course, because he... loves me so much. I do like his new accent, though. Think I might keep it.
Half-face man: Where am I?
Missy: Well, where do you think you are? Look around you, you made it. The Promised Land. Paradise! ( stands and walks out to fountain ) Welcome... to Heaven.
( MISSY snaps her teeth like a bite. She the looks skyward, arms out to her side. She then twirls the umbrella before spinning around the garden. ) | Plan: A: Victorian London; Q: Where is the TARDIS when a dinosaur spits it out? A: a dinosaur; Q: What spits out the TARDIS onto the banks of the River Thames? A: Clara; Q: Who is convinced to continue traveling with the Doctor by a phone call from the Eleventh Doctor? A: The Doctor; Q: Who confronts the Half-Face Man? A: the spontaneous combustion; Q: What caused the dinosaur to die? A: similar recent human combustions; Q: What is the case of the dinosaur's death related to? A: a restaurant; Q: Where are the Doctor and Clara called to? A: a spaceship; Q: What is the restaurant part of? A: humanoid robots; Q: What is in the restaurant? A: Clara's prompting; Q: What prompts the Half-Face Man to reveal his true intentions? A: the Half-Face Man; Q: Who is the cyborg control node of the robots? A: the "promised land; Q: What is the Half-Face Man trying to reach? A: her; Q: What did the Half-Face Man kill the dinosaur to use as parts for his computer? A: his existence; Q: What does the Half-Face Man not want to continue? A: the new Doctor; Q: Who does Clara not want to travel with? A: the Eleventh Doctor; Q: Who convinces Clara to continue traveling with the Twelfth Doctor? A: a woman; Q: Who is Missy? A: Missy; Q: Who is the Half-Face Man greeted by in the promised land? Summary: In Victorian London, a dinosaur spits out the TARDIS onto the banks of the River Thames . The newly- regenerated Twelfth Doctor , and Clara , emerge from the TARDIS. The Doctor rests at the Paternoster Gang 's residence to recover. After the spontaneous combustion of the dinosaur, the Doctor and Clara take on the case of the dinosaur's death and similar recent human combustions. The Doctor and Clara are called to a restaurant, only to find it is part of a spaceship that crashed in the past and is filled with humanoid robots. Upon Clara's prompting, the robots' cyborg control node, the Half-Face Man, reveals that he is trying to reach the "promised land" and killed the dinosaur to use her as parts for his computer. The Doctor confronts the Half-Face Man, claiming the Half-Face Man does not want to continue his existence because of how many times his body was replaced. The Half-Face Man falls to his death from an hot-air balloon, and the other robots go lifeless. Unsure about continuing to travel with the new Doctor, Clara is convinced by a phone call from the Eleventh Doctor . Meanwhile, the Half-Face Man awakes in the promised land, greeted by a woman called Missy. |
[Title: The Year 2030]
Narrator: Kids, there's more than one story of how I met your mother. (Cut to a yellow umbrella floating down a street) You know the short version, the thing with your mom's yellow umbrella. But there's a bigger story. The story of how I became who I had to become before I could meet her. And that story begins here.
[Title: The Year 2007]
[At the wedding of Marshall and Lily - Ted/Barney]
Barney:...Dary! Legendary! Dude, I am so excited that you're single again. We're going to conquer New York City. I already have a girl from work lined up for you. Right boob bigger than the left boob, which some choose to look at as bra half empty. I choose to look at as bra half full.
Ted: I dont' know... Robin and I broke up two weeks ago. I'm... I'm not ready.
Barney: When will you be ready?
Narrator: It was a good question. (Flashback of Robin and Ted hugging after breaking up) After a big relationship ends, you need some time to recuperate. Robin took a trip to Argentina, and I went through my usual routine. (End Flashback)
[The Apartment - Ted/Barney]
(Ted checking out his beard in a mirror)
Narrator: I grew my breakup beard.
(Barney bursts into the room)
Barney: Ted Mosby, suit up, 'cause here's the plan. There's a Miss Nassau County pageant. We'll pretend to be judges and, yes, our votes are for sale.
Ted: I'm not ready.
(Ted paints a wall. Barney comes in)
Narrator: I repainted the apartment.
Barney: Finish line of a woman 10K. Salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down. Yeah.
Ted: I'm not ready.
[The Bar - Ted/Barney/Marshall/Lily]
Narrator: And the truth is, I was doing really good.
Barney: Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible. We're going to get "Cirque de So-Laid". What up?
Ted: Barney, come on, we've covered this.
Lily: Robin!
(Robin walks up with Gael)
Robin: Hey, guys. I just got in last night. Um, uh, this is Gael.
Gael: Hola.
Ted: Okay, I'm ready.
["How I Met Your Mother", credits]
[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall/Barney/Ted]
(Ted is in the bathroom, where a razor is heard)
Ted: I just can't believe her. (He walks into the room with only his chin shaved) We have this totally amicable split, everything's cool. And she comes back from vacation with THAT guy? You know what she's doing? She's trying to win the breakup.
Lily: What do you mean "Win the breakup", old timey inventor.
Marshall: What our 21st president, Chester A. Arthur, is trying to say is that in every breakup there are winners and losers.
Lily: It's not a competition. Now, your 80-day ballon race around the world, that was a competition.
Marshall: That's my wife.
Barney: Of course it's a competition, Lil. How else do you explain... what's his name?
[Flashback to Earlier. They talking at the bar.]
Gael: Gael.
Ted: I'm sorry, Gayle?
Gael: Gael.
Barney: Kyle?
Gael: Gael.
Marshall: Girl?
Robin: It's pronounced "guy-el".
Gael: It's means "joyful". That is why I live my life by bringing joy, good energy and happiness to others. Especially those less fortunate that I.
Ted: I'm sorry. So it's Gayle?
[End Flashback]
[The Apartment]
Ted: (With only a mustache now) What a jerk? I don't go to your stupid country and try to seduce woman with my sexy accent.
Barney: That's a great point, Persian nightclub owner.
Ted: And, oh, he is a masseuse.
[Flashback to Earlier. They talking at the bar.]
Gael: With a massage everything is connected. I can touch your foot cleanse your kidney. I can touch your earlobe and slow your heartbeat.
Ted: One time I used warm water to make a guy pee. Of course, I didn't make a career out of it.
Gael: Career? Such an American idea. My career is living. Windsurfing. Making love. Sometimes at the same time.
Barney: How? How would one do that exactly? Seriously, don't giggle. Tell me.
[End Flashback]
[The Apartment]
Barney: Not possible. You cannot have s*x on a windsurfing board.
Lily: How do you know?
Barney: Glad you asked Lily. I have crafted a list of every vehicle land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have s*x. And of those 33 vehicles, I have had s*x in/on 31. Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. Oh, P.S., in order to hit 33, all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule.
Lily: To get that last one, you'd have to break into the Smithsonian.
Barney: This conversation never happened.
Ted: All right, you're suit up, I bearded down. Let's get out there and win this thing.
Barney: Yes!
Ted: You guys, have fun of your duble date.
Lily: Oh, for the hundredth time, I'm sorry, there was a lull.
[Flashback to Earlier. They talking at the bar.]
Gael: And then we fell asleep on the beach while counting the stars.
Lily: Do you want to have diner with me? Uh, us?
[End Flashback]
[The Apartment]
Marshall: There was no lull. You just think he's incredibly hot.
Lily: No, I don't!...Not incredibly. It's a little hard to believe how hot is he. But I mean, she isn't serious about him. The girl never marries the hot guy.
Marshall: Well, you did.
Lily: I'm one of the lucky few.
Marshall: Lily, Ted is our best friend, so let's get something straight: Male Gayle is not hot. He's not our friend. Don't even look at him. Just... no eye contact.
[Later at the apartment...]
(Robin and Gael enter)
Narrator: So that night, as Lily and Marshall did their best to hate Gael...
Lily: Hey, Robin. (Looks down) Gael.
Narrator:...Robin pulled me aside to check in. Now, I'm sure, she meant the best, but she said the worst.
Robin: I just want to make sure you're okay with this.
[The Bar - Ted/Barney]
Ted: "I just want to make sure you're okay with this"? Damn it! I can't believe she's the one that gest to say that. She's winning, isn't she?
Barney: Hum-hum. Not for long. Okay, pep talk. Take a knee. Ted, tonight, we're going to get you someone way hotter than Robin. Okay, Robin's a ten. Fine we'll get you a 12. Or, you know... two sixes. Failing that, four threes. And break glass in case of emergency we'll go the Staten Island, I'll get you 12 ones. Ted, my boy, I'm going to re-teach you... Ah.
(Ted kiss a girl and they stop kissing)
Amy: Amy.
Ted: Ted.
(They are kissing again)
Barney: Barney. Ted, we are back. Up here. Up high. Fivin' it up five-style!
[The Apartment - Robin/Gael/Marshall/Lily]Robin: I'm sorry this is all so weird.
Marshall: Weird? Why would it be weird? Because you used to date our best friend or because my wife thinks your new boyfriend is incredibly hot?
Lily: I do not! Shut up! Oh, my God!
Robin: I just hope Ted's okay.
Marshall: Hmm.
Gael: I hate to see you so tense. (Begins massaging her) I mean, we had a really clean break up, you know? We really acted like adults, so the last thing... Oh! Oh, God, oh!
(Robin sits on the floor in front of Gael moaning)
Marshall: Gael, are you properly licensed massage therapist?
Gael: What?
Marshall: Are you legally certified by some type of gouverning entity?
Gael: I train for three years at an institute in Buenos Aires. I have a card. I can show you.
Marshall: Is the card laminated?
Gael: What do you mean "laminated"?
Marshall: Covered in protective plastic.
Gael: Oh, yes.
Marshall: Damn it! (To Lily) He checks out...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[The Bar - Ted/Barney/Amy]
(Ted and Amy are still making out)
Barney: Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted.
(They stop kissing)
Ted: What?!!
(Barney leads Ted away from Amy)
Barney: Let's bail, this place is dead.
Ted: Yeah, you're right. We're both totally striking out.
Barney: Yes, exactly, plus, we're on a tight schedule. I've got the entire evening perfectly planned out... Spoiler alert: Our last stop is an after hours club so after hours, it's three days from now. What up?
Ted: Are you blind? I'm making out with a 12. I am winning.
Barney: Yeah. But I didn't get to help.
Ted: So you're saying you want me to throw away a super hot girl just because you didn't help me get her?
Barney: Apology accepted. Let's go.
(Amy walks over)
Amy: Who's the suit?
Ted: Hum. This is Barney. Barney, Amy.
Barney: I'm not gonna remember that. Now, if you'll excuse me, random chick from earlier tonight, as you shall henceforth be known. Ted and I have a schedule to keep.
Amy: Oh, well. You can check out off 08:54, dress up like a dork and bother the cool kids. Beat it, nerd.
Barney: Wow. Wow. Great stuff, Tommy Lee. See what you don't understand is, I'm Ted wingman. It's a sacred bond, much stronger that any... They're making out again!
[The Apartment (Kitchen) - Marshall]
Marshall: Massage therapist. And you know what, "Gayle"? Your piece of chicken looks a little tense to me. Oh, oh, does that feel good, Mr. Chicken? Well, guess what? I didn't wash my hands. Got him.
(Marshall walks back into the living room. Lily is being massaged by Gael)
Marshall: Lily?!
Gael: We carry so much ancient emotion in our neck and shoulders. Things we should have let go of years ago.
Lily: Oh, I forgive you, Mom.
(Marshall takes Lily into the kitchen)
Marshall: Lily, we are Ted's best friends. Our job is to hate that guy.
Lily: Oh, yeah, that's what I was doing. I was building him up so few minutes later, I could totally cut him down.
Marshall: Weren't you wearing a bra?
[The Bar - Ted/Amy/Barney/A girl]
Narrator: The night was doing great. Amy was cool and dangerous. She found a friend for Barney. She even paid for drinks... (Amy steals liquor from behind the bar) sort of.
Barney: They know us here! You're gonna get us in trouble.
Amy: Tell me something. Do you ask your tailor to leave extra room in the crotch for your huge v*g1n*?
Barney: You... your v*g1n*... Ted, this chick is crazy. We're leaving.
Amy: Good idea. Let's all go back to my place.
Barney: Your place? Thanks, but no thanks, 1994 Courtney Love.
Amy: I have a hot tub.
[The "Amy's aparment" in the hot tub - Barney/A girl/Ted/Amy]
Barney: Okay, this place is actually pretty nice.
Ted: I like your tatts.
Amy: Thanks. You can play with them if you want. They're a hundred percent real.
Ted: No, your tatts... toos. Your tattoos.
Amy: Oh, thanks. You should get one.
Barney: Wrong. Ted has a classic clean-cut look that never goes out of style season after season, burn.
Amy: Yeah? Well. I think he would look hot with some ink.
Barney: No, he wouldn't.
Amy: Yes, he would.
Barney: No, he wouldn't.
Amy: Yuh-huh.
Barney: Nuh-uh.
The Girl: I'm ready to do anything you want by the way. Anything. Right now.
Barney: Ted. Who are you gonna side with on this tattoos thing?
Ted: I think I'd look way hot with some ink.
Amy: Yeah, you would.
Ted: Yeah.
(A kid enters.)
Amy: Oh my God, Tyler?
Tyler: Mommy! Daddy! She's back.
Amy: Damn it! They're supposed to be in the Hamptons. Run!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[In the street - Amy/Ted/Barney/The Girl]
Amy: Sorry. I used to nanny for those jerks before they fired me. So unfair.
Barney: Unfair? I wouldn't let you take care of the imaginary kids I make up to score with single moms. That's it Ted, we're going home. Ted? Ted, you okay?
(Cut to fantasy: Robin and Gael are windsurfing)
Gael: Hello, Ted. Robin and I are about to make fantastic aquatic s*x on this windsurfing board.
Robin: And I just want to make sure you're okay with this. (Both laugh) Okay, how do we do this?
Gael: I think your leg goes up, up...
Robin: Okay, how 'bout if I, um...
Gael: No, mine...
(End fantasy)
Ted: I'm okay. In fact, here's how okay I am. I'm gettin' a tattoo.
Barney: You're not getting a tattoo. It's not you. Ted, you are heading down a dark path.
Ted: That dark path is my driveway.
Barney: But you need a plan and you need a wingman!
(Ted and Amy's taxi drives away)
Barney: This is so going in my blog!
Amy's friend: Want to have s*x?
Barney: Okay.
[The Tattoo parlor - Ted/Amy/A guy]Ted: And underneath, it should say "I win". And then it should have flames coming out the bottom.
Amy: Oh, fire. We should start a fire.
Ted: After this maybe. Oh, man, this is going to be legen... wait for it...
[Ted's bedroom - Ted]
Narrator: And that's all I remember. (Ted wakes up) The next morning, I woke up alone back home. (He doesn't have a tattoo anywhere on his arms or his chest. He sighs, relieved. As he leaves the room, we see the butterfly tattoo across his lower back)
[The Apartment - Ted/Marshall/Lily]
Marshall: Hey, buddy, how was your night?
Ted: You know, it was great. I met this crazy girl, I almost got a tattoo. Don't worry, I didn't. But it was... It was amazing. I think it's safe to say, I am winning this breakup.
(Lily points out the tattoo to Marshall)
Lily: Look.
Marshall: Oh my God!
Ted: What?
Marshall: Nothing. This J. Crew catalog. Who brings two golden retrievers in a canoe?
(Ted leaves the room)
Lily: We've gotta call Barney.
Marshall: Way ahead of you.
[Later at The Apartment - Ted/Marshall/Lily]
(Barney comes in. Ted is in the kitchen, now in a shirt)
Barney: Hey, guys, what's the big emergency? Oh and B the W: I am never speaking to Ted again.
Lily: Hum. Really, never? Not even if, say, butterflies flew out of his ass?
Barney: What?
Marshall: Hum. Ted? Could you grab me the fondue pot?
(Ted reaches up and shows his tattoo)
Marshall: (To Barney) He has no idea. (Barney falls backward) And up we go.
(Ted hands Marshall the fondue pot)
Marshall: Thank you.
Ted: Hum. Hum. What?
Barney: Ted?
Ted: Hmm?
Barney: I came here this morning because... I want to apologize.
Ted: Apology accepted, Barney. As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter.
Barney: See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now.
Ted: Hmm.
Barney: Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night... you burst out of that cocoon..., like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science.
Lily: He's gonna say it.
Ted: A butterfly? (Everyone laughs) What?
Barney: Nothing, buddy.
(Barney hits Ted's tattoo)
Ted: Ow. Why did that hurt so...? Oh my God! (Looks in mirror) I have a tattoo.
Barney: Oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.
Ted: Tramp stamp?
Barney: You know, a ho tat. Ass antlers. A Panama City license plate.
Narrator: And suddenly it all came back to me.
[Flashback: Tattoo parlor]Ted:...Dary. Legendary! Man, I am so winning this breakup.
Amy: Mm, I just broke up with my boyfriend Steve. He was totally annoying. He was like, "I think you're the one, I want to marry you."
Ted: What a wuss. Do you think exes can be friends?
Amy: Yeah. Sure, I mean, we're still friends, right Steve?
Ted: Hey, your name is Steve. And her ex-boyfriend's name is Steve. What are the odds of that...? Wait.
[End flashback]
Ted: No no no no no no no. Give me this.
(Steals Barney's water and starts dabbing it on his tattoo)
Barney: Oh, yeah, that'll get it out.
Marshall: Maybe you should try club soda.
Ted: Oh, damn it, it really hurts. I need like, some ointment or something. What is this? Spanish massage oil. Spanish massage oil? What happened here last night?
Marshall: Last night got weird.
[Flashback: The Apartment]
(Gael is playing the guitar and singing. Robin is in love, Lily is in love, Marshall is in love.)
(Gael is massaging Marshall)
Gael: Feel the emotions release.
Marshall: Think I just got over being chunky in the ninth grade.
Gael: You're beautiful.
Marshall: I am beautiful.
(Later... Gael is feeding Robin.)
Gael: Experience your food.
(He moves to feed Lily)
Gael: Try the mango.
(Marshall eats it instead)
Gael: Okay, that's enough of the fruit.
[End flashback]
Marshall: We're sorry, Ted. It'll never happen again.
Lily: It meant nothing to us. It just felt really really really good.
Ted: I can't even look at you two right now.
Marshall: Ted.
(Ted leaves)
Lily: He got a tramp stamp. (Everyone laughs)
[The hallway outside Robin's Apartment - Ted/Robin]Ted: All right, first of all, this isn't one of those, "I came all the way over here because I want you back" things. There'll be no startling confession of love, no sweet indie rock song that swells up just as we're about to kiss, none of that crap. Got it?
Robin: Okay.
Ted: Good. Now, here's the thing. It sucks that you came back from Argentina with someone as awesome as Gael. And I know I have no right to be upset at you. We're broken up, life goes on, whatever. But you know what? We-we never did this. We-we had this polite breakup with no irrational yelling and that's just wrong. So I'm gonna yell irrationally for a while and you're just gonna have to stand there and deal with it, okay?
Robin: If you feel like you need to do that, then...
Ted: (yells) I think I do! I really think I do! So now, I'm yelling!
Robin: You shaved.
Ted: (yells) I did.
Robin: I like the beard.
Ted: (still yelling) I liked it too, but it was getting kind of hot. Maybe in the winter, I'll grow it back out! (quietly) Okay, I'm done.
Robin: I know it was weird showing up with Gael. I'm sorry.
Ted: Look, us breaking up, it was the right thing. But it took some time to get over you, you know? I-I'm still getting over you. But you, you were over it the minute they started the in-flight movie.
Robin: Over it? My first three days in Argentina, I cried my eyes out. I missed you so much. I wanted to go and prove how adventurous I am, but the truth is, it was really lonely. And that's why Gael happened.
Ted: You weren't trying to win the break-up?
Robin: I was trying to survive it.
Ted: Okay. No. See, look, that all sounds good, and we'll still be friends and move on, but..., did he have to be so hot? The guy's an Adonis.
Robin: He's not an Adonis.
Ted: He's the Cadillac of rebound guys. Marshall has a crush on him. The guy's perfect.
Robin: He's not perfect.
Ted: Oh, come on. He's hot, he windsurfs, he massages things. Name one way I'm better than that guy.
Robin: "You're bigger".
Ted: Don't patronize me. If anything, he may even be a little bit taller.
Robin: No, Ted... "you're bigger".
[The Bar - Ted/Marshall/Barney]Ted: I win!
Narrtor: Kids, I can't remember exactly what helped me get through the whole Robin-Gael incident. I'm sure it was something profound and meaningful and not at all macho and petty. But after that, I was back on my feet. And what followed was a new era in my life. A crazy time unlike anything that came before. (The camera goes outside to show a sea of black umbrellas, and one yellow one walking through the crowd) It's funny looking back on those days, knowing now exactly what I was heading towards, and what was heading towards me.
[Barney's office - Barney](His phone rings. He answers on his headset)
Barney: Go for Barney.
(Marshall is in his darkened apartment, alone)
Marshall: Hey, man. It's Marshall. Check your e-mail. Sent you something.
Barney: What is it?
Marshall: Just a new website. Slapcountdown.com.
(The countdown reads 55: 23: 59: 57...and counting)
Barney: What does this mean? Marshall? Ma...?
(Marshall hangs up. He sniffs his hand, then practices a slap)
Barney: No. (screams) No! | Plan: A: a hunky Argentinean boyfriend; Q: What does Robin bring home? A: Ted; Q: Who decides to go out with Barney to forget about Robin moving on? A: Enrique Iglesias; Q: Who played Gael? A: Mandy Moore; Q: Who played Amy? Summary: When Robin arrives home with a hunky Argentinean boyfriend, Ted decides to go out with Barney for a "legen...wait for it...dary!" night to forget about Robin moving on. Guest starring: Enrique Iglesias as "Gael" and Mandy Moore as "Amy". |
(TOM BAKER enters the Museum Of The Moving Image and looks about him. He is in the Doctor Who section of the Museum which is filled with monsters and bits of all first seven Doctors era.)
TOM: Hello? Hello?
(He turns from the EXIT door he is entering the room and spots a dragon.)
Hello? Anybody there?
(He moves fully into the Museum and spots the exhibits.)
Wey! It's a museum! I've always felt at home in museums!
(He moves forwards and notices one exhibit in particular - The Giant Robot from his own first story "Robot" in 1974.)
Giant Robot! Beat you, cock!
(He starts to walk down past the exhibits. Next up is the Cybermen - from "Moonbase" to "Silver Nemesis" Cybermen in one form or other.)
Cybermen! Beat you!
(Next is a Dalek which is facing a mirror which gives visitors the ability to enter and pretend to be a Dalek.)
Daleks!
(TOM blows into it.)
Beat you!
(Next comes Davros - the 1980s version.)
Davros!
(TOM sighs)
I beat him as well.
(He turns and starts to walk back sighing to himself.)
I was irresistible in those days, irresistible.
(He reaches another set of monsters. The first up is the Yeti from Patrick's "The Abominable Snowmen" - 1967.)
Yeti.
(The next one is Gunden Robot with an axe from Tom's "Warrior's Gate" - 1980)
Gunden Robot.
(This model has a stand with some information and with a button. TOM presses the button twice as it doesn't work the first time, and makes the Gunden Robot moves with the axe.)
No, no, no.
(He moves on down the line looking at each of the monsters. The next one is the Vervoids - Colin's "Terror Of The Vervoids - Trial Of A Time Lord III" - 1986)
Vervoid.
(Sea Devil - Peter's "Warriors Of The Deep" - 1984)
Sea Devil.
(Ice Warrior - Probably by the look - Jon's "Curse Of Peladon" - 1972)
Krarg.
(He passes the monster which stands in it's spot (and looks like it was made from coal ) just saying "Krarg" and then totally stops when he realises what he had just saw.)
Krarg?
(He remembered the story the Krargs appeared in. Slightly shouting.)
SHADA!
(He shushes himself.)
The untransmitted story. Why wasn't it transmitted? Of course, we didn't finish it. Starring Denis Carey and Christopher Neame. Written by Douglas Adams. I thought it was a very good script and there was an invisible space-ship. Douglas said that anybody can design a visible space-ship but to design an invisible space-ship that need imagination. Did he say that or did he say, I think he said genius? Yes, he said genius. Poor old Douglas. I wonder what became of him.
(The word "became" triggers off more memories.)
That's right. Cambridge. About 1979. Ponting on the Cam. There was a choir on the corner as I biked by, singing "Requiem" or some other train song. Daniel Hill, I heard he become manager of a old people's home. Or maybe he went into a old people home, I can't remember. Or maybe he was always old. I don't know.
(NOTE: This refers to Daniel's role in BBC sitcom "Waiting For God" where Daniel was the bossy manager of an old people's home. The show was quite popular at the time.)
And Victoria Burgoyne. It was her first television and when she heard it was cancelled. She was so unhappy. She cried a lot. We all cried a lot. We were very sad.
(TOM looks up into the sky.)
Shada! Shada! Shada!
(We fade out but before we totally fade out TOM looks back into the camera and grins.)
(ROLL TOM'S TITLE SEQUENCE FROM SEASONS TWELVE TO SEVENTEEN (1974 - 1979))
SHADA
PART ONE
by DOUGLAS ADAMS would have been transmitted - 19th January 1980
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. SPACE STATION, EXTERIOR
(We see a Space Station which is parked near a red star.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. CONTROL ROOM
(Round the walls of the big Control Room are arrays of equipment. Mostly TV Monitors, Computers and Control Consoles... But the most interesting thing in the room is a large white cone, about the height of a man. The cone has small recesses for a humanoid to sit down in and each of the recesses are filled with a man. In the central of the cone there sits a small sphere (no much bigger than a hand.) Nearby is a screen and it is mirrored at the bottom of the cone. On the screen with a little beep of noise per second is a counter in roman numerals counting down from thirty on a red screen.
We move about the faces of the men in the recesses of the machine, and each man, bar one, is slightly filled with strain but all of them has their eyes closed. All of them, bar the one who looks normal, is dressed in a sort of white track suit affair, to emphasise their impersonality. The other is dressed in a smaller white suit, open at the neck and has silver lining. We reach the other face, who has two main scars - one on the forehead and the other, main, scar from his right eye to his cheek.
We cut back to the counter on the red screen and it is now counting down from III (3). The second it reaches zero, we cut to the other face (SKAGRA) and his eyes open. The screen starts to count upwards (again in roman numerals) on a green screen. The instruments start to register and for the sphere in the machine of the machine start to whisper strange whispering voices. SKAGRA stands up and moves over and checks the dials and instruments while the other men move about in pain and then they all collapse. When the men collapsed the sphere's voices become more louder. SKAGRA moves over and roughly checks a man to see if he was unconscious. He then moves over to another console and checks the instruments there. He smirks and goes over to the main control console and presses buttons and turns knobs. His actions causes a computer voice to start speaking:)
VOICE: (oov) This is a recorded message. The foundation for the study for advanced sciences is under strict quarantine. Do not approach. Do not approach. Everything is under our control.
(This is obviously a loop, as the message starts again and again. We hear it all the time that we are in the station.)
(SKAGRA stands by between the door to the control room and the control console. He raises his hand palm up at the sphere in the centre of the cone. With a small hum the sphere raises itself from the cone and moves itself across to SKAGRA's hand, which is now palm down and the sphere lands itself on the hand. Still carrying the sphere hand out, SKAGRA leaves the room through the control room door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. CORRIDOR, SPACE STATION
(SKAGRA, with still the computer voice speaking the warning, calmly walks down the corridor and reaches a door marked "Shuttle Bay". The doors open and he enters.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. SPACE STATION
(Still hearing the computer voice, we see a highly-futuristic space-ship take off from behind the station and fly off at great speed towards the right.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. CAMBRIDGE
(A man, CHRIS, about late-twenties is riding his bike through the streets of Cambridge, England.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. ST. CEDD COLLEGE
(CHRIS rides across the main road and parks his bike in the bike rack and then walks into the college. He opens up a piece of paper and looks at the address in it. He walks off in what he hopes is the right direction. Coming out of a building, he bumps into two students coming the other way.)
CHRIS: Excuse me?
STUDENT: Yeah?
CHRIS: Do you know where P-14 is?
STUDENT: Over there.
(He points CHRIS in the right direction.)
CHRIS: Thanks.
(CHRIS walks off in the direction the STUDENT pointed. He walks across the courtyard, past another two students who were talking to a tutor and enter the building on the other side...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. PROFESSOR'S ROOM
(Here, PROFESSOR Chronotis is unpacking his shopping. He has bought a book, still in its bag, and is taking off his coat and scarf making it clear that he has just returned. He spots the TARDIS parked in a corner of the room but he doesn't seem fazed by having a police box in his room. He moves across and opens up the curtains. He then walks back into the room just as there was a knock on the door.)
PROFESSOR: Come in.
(CHRIS enters the room. PROFESSOR talks over his shoulder as he enters the kitchen area.)
Excuse the muddle. Creative disarray you know.
CHRIS: Professor Chronotis?
PROFESSOR: Tea?
CHRIS: Oh thanks.
PROFESSOR: (entering) Just put the kettle on.
CHRIS: Er, Professor Chronotis, I don't know if you remember me, we met at a faculty party a few weeks ago. It's Chris Parsons.
(They shake hands.)
PROFESSOR: Oh yes, of course. Enjoy those faculty dos, do you?
CHRIS: Well, you know ...
PROFESSOR: Lot of boring old dons talking away at each other, never listen to a word anybody else says.
CHRIS: Well, yes. You said that ...
PROFESSOR: Talk Talk Talk. Never listen.
CHRIS: No, well... I hope I'm not taking up your valuable...
PROFESSOR: Time? No no. When you get to my age, you'll find that time doesn't matter too much. Not that I expect you will get to my age.
CHRIS: Oh, really?
PROFESSOR: Yes, I remember saying to the last Master of College but one, or was it the last but two? May have been three.
CHRIS: Three?
PROFESSOR: Yes. Nice young chap. Died rather tragically at the age of ... Run over by a coach and pair.
CHRIS: What was it you said to him?
PROFESSOR: Oh. I don't know. Long time ago you know.
CHRIS: (doubtfully) Yesss.. Er, Professor when we met, you were kind enough to say that if I dropped round you would lend me some of your books on carbon dating.
PROFESSOR: Oh yes. Happy to. Ah, there's the kettle.
(He starts to move towards the kitchen again.)
You find the books you want at the far end of the bookshelf. Third shelf down.
(He is now in the kitchen. CHRIS goes over to the bookshelf. On the way he look rather askance at the TARDIS. He pulls a book down three down from the top. He looks at it. It is clearly not what he expected, and is very puzzling to him.)
(oov) Or is it the second shelf down? Second I think. Anyway, take what you want.
(CHRIS takes a couple of books from that shelf also, and nods with satisfaction: this is what he had been expecting.)
(oov) Milk?
CHRIS: Oh. Yes please.
PROFESSOR: (oov) One lump or two?
CHRIS: Two please.
PROFESSOR: (oov) Sugar?
(CHRIS looks amazed at the PROFESSOR who comes into the room with two cups of tea.)
Ah, Here we are.
(He gives CHRIS a cup of tea. However, CHRIS doesn't want to be harassed by the man's eccentricity anymore and glances at his watch and puts his tea down.)
CHRIS: Oh, actually Professor, I've just realised I'm going to be really late for a seminar. I'm terribly sorry. Look, I'll bring these back to you next week, is that alright?
PROFESSOR: Oh, yes yes. Well, good-bye.
(They shake hands again.)
CHRIS: Goodbye. Er... actually Professor, can I just ask you, where did you get that?
(He points at the TARDIS.)
PROFESSOR: That? I don't know. I think someone must have left it there whilst I was out.
CHRIS: Yes, well, I'll bring these back as soon as I can...
(He leaves.)
(The PROFESSOR puts down the teas and sits in a chair. He takes out the book from the bag. It's "The Time Machine" by H. G. Wells. He start to read...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. RIVER CAM
(At the back of the college, The DOCTOR and ROMANA are in a punt. The DOCTOR in his shirtsleeves and waistcoat is punting while ROMANA is relaxing. A record is playing.)
DOCTOR: Wordworth. Brumford. Christopher Smart. Andrew Marvel. Judge Jefferies. Owen Chadwick?
ROMANA: (looking up from the book.) Who?
DOCTOR: Owen Chadwick. Oh yes, one of the greatest labourers in history of Earth in the first era.
ROMANA: Newton, of course.
DOCTOR: Oh, definitely Newton.
ROMANA: "For every action, there is a equal and opposite reaction."
DOCTOR: That's right.
ROMANA: So, Newton invented punting.
DOCTOR: Oh yes, there was no limits to Isaac's genius.
(He chuckles)
(The punt cruises under a bridge.)
ROMANA: Isn't it wonderful that something so primitive can be so...
DOCTOR: Restful?
ROMANA: No. Simple. You just push one way and the boat moves in the other.
DOCTOR: Oh yes.
(We pull back and we see the back of St. Cedd in the background.)
ROMANA: Oh, I do love the spring. All the leaves and colours.
DOCTOR: It's October.
ROMANA: (surprised.) I thought that you said we were coming here for May week.
DOCTOR: I did. May week in June.
ROMANA: (shaking her head.) I'm confused.
DOCTOR: (laughing) So was the TARDIS.
ROMANA: Oh, I do love the autumn. All the leaves, the colours.
DOCTOR: Yes. Well, at least as something as simple as a punt nothing can go wrong. No co- ordinates. No dimensional stabilisers. Nothing. Just the water, a punt, a strong pair of hands and the pole.
(However the second he says that, the pole gets stuck in the mud and the DOCTOR is forced to let go as the punt goes under another bridge.)
ROMANA: Pole?
DOCTOR: Err. I think it's about time that we go and see if the Professor is back in his room.
(While the two Time-Lords are talking we look up the bridge, and looking at them (but just by coincidence) is SKAGRA. He has with him a carpet bag, large enough to be concealing the sphere.)
Ask me how.
ROMANA: How?
DOCTOR: For every action there is a equal and indifference reaction.
(We see SKAGRA grinning at the two's troubles and clutches the bag which causes it to start up the thin babble of inhuman voices again. He is still dressed in silver but now had a sort of floppy hat and a long silver cloak. He walks away from us.)
ROMANA: Did you just heard voices?
DOCTOR: What?
(The DOCTOR has got a paddle and is padding like mad for the shore. SKAGRA walks away with a sort of arrogance in every step.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. CHRIS'S LAB (NOT MADE)
(Full of equipment, lab benches filled with a carbon dating machine, spectro analyser, x-ray, Bunsen burner - the lot. CHRIS enters. He puts down a large satchel he has strung over his shoulder. He goes and checks a couple of pieces of equipment. Then he comes back to the satchel and pulls out some books. He quickly flips through the first couple, and then pulls out a third. He clicks his tongue with annoyance at himself as he realises that this is the first book he picked off the PROFESSOR's shelves, and not one he wanted or meant to take. Still, out of curiosity he looks at it again, with many expressions of puzzlement. He is surprised by two things in particular: first the fact that it is printed in a totally unknown alphabet, and secondly the texture of the paper, which feels very odd to him. He rubs it between his fingers. He even sniffs it.)
[TOM appears between the Gunden Robot and the Vervoid.]
TOM: Chris Parsons went to the lab and discovered that one of the books that he had borrowed was written in a totally unknown alphabet.
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. ST. CEDD COLLEGE
(The DOCTOR and ROMANA arrive at the College from the outside entrance (the one CHRIS used.) The DOCTOR is now back in his brown coat and scarf and is carrying the paddle that he used to row the punt ashore.)
DOCTOR: (in his "guide" mode) Here we are. St. Cedd's College, Cambridge. Founded in the year something or other, by someone someone someone in honour of someone someone someone who's name escapes me completely.
ROMANA: St. Cedd?
DOCTOR: Do you know I think it very probably right? You should be a historian.
ROMANA: (looking very proud of herself.) I AM an historian.
DOCTOR: (spotting one of the Porters (WILKIN) sticking something on a notice board outside the Porter's lodge.) Good afternoon Wilkin.
WILKIN: (not looking up from the noticeboard.) Good afternoon Doctor.
DOCTOR: (half surprised.) Wilkin! You remember me.
WILKIN: By yes, of course sir. Took an honorary degree in 1960.
DOCTOR: Yes. How kind of you to remember me.
WILKIN: That's my job.
DOCTOR: And you do it splendidly. Now...
WILKIN: Professor Chronotis sir? He returned to his room a few minutes ago.
DOCTOR: Oh good. Good.
(He starts to move back to where ROMANA is looking about her, with her hands clasped behind her but is puzzled on how WILKIN knows that he wanted the PROFESSOR.)
How did you know I wanted to speak to Professor Chronotis?
WILKIN: That's who you asked to see when you were here in 1964, 1960 and 1955, sir.
DOCTOR: Did I really. I was also here in 1958.
WILKIN: (puzzled) Were you sir?
DOCTOR: Yes, but in a different body.
(WILKIN laughs a little.)
WILKIN: Yes, sir.
ROMANA: Come along, Doctor.
(The DOCTOR gives WILKIN the paddle.)
DOCTOR: Nice to meet you, Wilkin. Bye Bye.
(The two Time-Lords start to walk off towards the PROFESSOR's room. WILKIN looks at the paddle with a "What am I doing to do with this?" look on his face before moving back into his office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. PROFESSOR'S ROOM
(The PROFESSOR is still reading "The Time Machine". However like a signal. He stops reading and gets up and goes to the kitchen. Just as he goes out, there is a knock at the door.)
PROFESSOR: Come in.
(The DOCTOR and ROMANA enter the room and start to make themselves at home.)
DOCTOR: He'll ask us if we want tea.
PROFESSOR: (oov) Tea?
DOCTOR: (laughing) Yes please. Two cups.
PROFESSOR: (oov) Milk?
DOCTOR: Yes please.
PROFESSOR: One lump or two?
DOCTOR: Two please. And two sugars.
(This causes the PROFESSOR to poke his head round the corner with three cups.)
PROFESSOR: Ah! Doctor, how splendid to see you!
DOCTOR: And you Professor.
(They shake hands.)
This is Romana.
PROFESSOR: Ah delighted, delighted. I've heard so much about you.
DOCTOR: (surprised.) Have you?
PROFESSOR: Well, not yet, but I'm sure I will have done. When Time Lords get to my age they tend to get their tenses muddled up. Would you liked some biscuits too?
DOCTOR: Well, I wouldn't have said no.
PROFESSOR: Crackers?
DOCTOR: (laughing) Oh, sometimes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. CAMBRIDGE
(We follow SKAGRA walking through the streets of Cambridge but we favour the bag.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. PROFESSOR'S ROOM
(All three Time-Lords now have tea and biscuits.)
ROMANA: Three hundred years?
PROFESSOR: Yes my dear
ROMANA: In the same set of rooms?
PROFESSOR: Ever since I retired from Gallifrey.
ROMANA: Didn't anybody notice?
PROFESSOR: One of the delights of the older Cambridge Colleges. Everyone is so discreet. Now Doctor young fellow. What can I do for you?
DOCTOR: (Surprised) What can you do for me? What can I do for you? You sent for me.
PROFESSOR: Sent for you?
DOCTOR: I got your signal.
PROFESSOR: Signal? What signal?
DOCTOR: (biting into cracker.) Romana. Didn't we pick up a signal from the Professor? Would we come and see him as soon as possible.
ROMANA: Yes. We come straight away.
PROFESSOR: I haven't sent you a signal. But it's very splendid to see you. Have another cracker.
DOCTOR: Professor, if you didn't send that signal... who did?
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. ST. CEDD COLLEGE
(We sees SKAGRA walk into the entrance and into the section containing WILKIN's area. WILKIN is still busy with his notice board. SKAGRA stands near the porter and looks into the College.)
SKAGRA: (speaks quickly but with the total arrogance of someone who doesn't even know what arrogance means.) You!
(WILKIN looks at SKAGRA but turns back - he does not take kindly to this mode of address.)
You!
(WILKIN decides SKAGRA must be talking to him as he is the only person about and walks over to SKAGRA while making it clear that it is against his better judgement.)
WILKIN: (frostily) Were you addressing me?
SKAGRA: I want Chronotis.
WILKIN: Professor Chronotis?
SKAGRA: Where is he?
WILKIN: He will not want to be disturbed. He is with the Doctor. A very old... A very old friend.
(WILKIN makes it clear on "friend" saying that SKAGRA is not. SKAGRA continues to stare ahead but then marches off back out of the entrance. WILKIN looks at him but a disgusted look on his face.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. PROFESSOR'S ROOM
(The PROFESSOR is pouring ROMANA some more tea.)
PROFESSOR: Wait!
ROMANA: What for?
PROFESSOR: I've had an idea about who might have sent that message?
ROMANA: Who?
PROFESSOR: Me!
DOCTOR: But you just said...
PROFESSOR: Yes, I know. Memory's getting a bit touchy of late. Doesn't like to be prodded about too much. But my dear old things, It must been ages since I send it.
ROMANA: Told you'd got the time wrong Doctor.
DOCTOR: I know, but you're always saying that.
ROMANA: Well you're always getting the time wrong.
DOCTOR: Professor?
PROFESSOR: Yes?
DOCTOR: What was it about Professor?
PROFESSOR: What was what about?
DOCTOR: (patiently) The message?
PROFESSOR: I don't know. You've seen it more recently than I have.
DOCTOR: Was it to do with the voices?
PROFESSOR: What voices?
DOCTOR: Well, When I was on the river I heard a strange sound, a sort of babble of inhuman voices. Didn't you Romana?
ROMANA: Yes.
PROFESSOR: Oh just undergraduates talking to each other I expect. I've trying to have it banned...
DOCTOR: No, no, no. It wasn't like that at all. It was the sound of human or ghosts , very quietly...
ROMANA: Screaming.
DOCTOR: Yes.
PROFESSOR: Overwrought imaginings Doctor. No, I remember what it was.
DOCTOR: What?
PROFESSOR: Delicate matter, slightly. It was about a book...
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. CHRIS'S LAB (NOT MADE)
(CHRIS has just set up his Microscope. He is not certain that he should be doing this, but he picks up the book, opens it, and tries to slice a sliver of page with a razor blade. He can't cut the paper. This astonishes him. He takes the book over to a Spectrographic Analyser. He puts the book into it, with the spine folded back so that only one page is actually being examined. He turns the Spectrograph on. After humming for a few minutes it emits a loud bang from inside and smoke starts to pour out of it. CHRIS is horrified and rips the plug out of the wall. CHRIS next moves the book under the old x-ray machine. He watches from behind the shield window as he takes a plate. The book starts to Glow. He hastily switches the machine off and approached the book carefully. He is wearing a full protective apron and it seems most off that he should appear almost afraid of the book. He reaches out to touch it then withdraws as if burnt.)
[TOM - same place as before.]
TOM: And no sooner as Chris switched on the Spectrographic Analyser to examine the book then smoke start to pour out of it, and then he tried to x-ray the book which immediately started to glow. Chris switched off the book, reached out for it , and hurt his hand.
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. CAMBRIDGE
(SKAGRA walks down a little gully between two shops. He pauses outside one of them and peers into the window. He looks at the clothes and it becomes clear that SKAGRA needs a change of clothes to stop looking so conspicuous. A MAN dressed in clothes advertised in the shop comes out and looks SKAGRA up and down, obviously amazed at what SKAGRA is wearing. He moves forward to the car parked outside the shop.)
SKAGRA: I say...
MAN: Yes? Can I help you?
SKAGRA: Maybe you can.
(We pull back and after some unheard talking the MAN lets SKAGRA into the car. The car starts to drive off... but suddenly stops halfway down the road.)
[The location filming on the story is complete but however, none of the following scene was made but this is the logical sequence (I think) of what happened next.]
[SKAGRA, in the passenger seat, opens the carpet bag. To the MAN's surprise the sphere floats up out of it and the thin babble of voices is heard. The sphere presses itself again the MAN's forehead causes him to stop the car. The babble sound increases sharply for a moment, the MAN writhes, and then stiffens in his seat. The sphere then detaches itself and sinks back into the bag. SKAGRA takes over the controls and shoves the MAN's body onto the back of the car.]
[This is mostly confirmed with what is shown after and TOM's link:]
TOM: (over the car) Skagra opened the bag and the sphere emerged, attaching itself to the Driver's forehead. The Driver, not surprisingly, passed out and Skagra took charge of the car.
(We see SKAGRA driving past the college with the babble of voices can be heard again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. PROFESSOR'S ROOM
(The PROFESSOR is up at the bookshelves and is giving ROMANA three books when he pauses... The DOCTOR and ROMANA are looking slightly alarmed. They all have heard the voices.)
PROFESSOR: Did you just hear voices?
DOCTOR: I think that... I just heard voices.
Romana, Did you just hear voices?
ROMANA: Yes, very faint this time.
DOCTOR: Anything to do with that book, Professor?
PROFESSOR: What? Oh no, no, no. That's just a book I accidentally bought back with me from Gallifrey.
ROMANA: From Gallifrey?! You brought a book from Gallifrey to Cambridge.
PROFESSOR: (A little cagey.) Yes, just a few knick knacks you know. And you know how I love my books, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Professor, you just said that you brought it back by accident.
PROFESSOR: An oversight. I overlooked the fact that I decided to bring it. Just for study you know. But as I'm now getting... very old I thought ...
DOCTOR: That perhaps I thought that I'd take it back to Gallifrey for you.
PROFESSOR: Well now that I'm retired I'm not allowed to have a TARDIS.
(ROMANA being the genius and caring person she is makes an "Ahhh" face.)
PROFESSOR: Professor, I don't want to be critical but I will. It very risky bringing books back from Gallifrey. They could be terribly dangerous in the wrong hands. Hmm.
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. CHRIS'S LAB (NOT MADE)
[TOM doesn't say anything about this bit but in my point of view and in the script book - This is the most logical place that this scene and bit occurs.]
(CHRIS is on the telephone talking to somebody in an excited state.)
CHRIS: (into phone) Keightley? Hey, yes it's Chris. Listen, I've just ... where? Yes, I'm fine. Listen, the most amazing thing. I've got this strange book. It's got a molecular structure unlike anything I've seen. Yes. I said book. It's like nothing on Earth. And I think I mean that literally. Extra-terrestrial. No, I'm not mad. Listen I've done everything, x-rays, spectrograph, you name it. You don't have to believe anything till you've seen it yourself. Yeah, come on over. Great. See you soon.
(He puts the phone down.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. CAMBRIDGE OUTSKIRTS
(We see the car driving through the outskirts with fields in the distance.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. PROFESSOR'S ROOM
(The DOCTOR and ROMANA are looking through some of the books.)
DOCTOR: "On some nights, New York was as hot as Bangkok."
(passes the book in question to ROMANA.) I'll read that.
ROMANA: Hm. Saul Bellow.
DOCTOR: "Once upon a time" (passes) Read that.
(The DOCTOR starts to read the third book and is surprised on that was in the book.)
DOCTOR: Ahh. "And in the Great Days of Rassilon, five great principles were laid down. Can you remember what they were, my children?"
ROMANA: It's just a Gallifreyan Nursery Book.
DOCTOR: I know. I know.
ROMANA: I had it when I was a Time Tot!
DOCTOR: It's very good.
PROFESSOR: Oh, no no, that's just another momento. Not the right book at all. Now where is it? Is this the one?
(He picks out another.)
Oh dear no. Where is it? I know it's here somewhere.
DOCTOR: Professor? Professor? How many books did you bring for heaven's sake?
PROFESSOR: Oh just the odd two or seven. There's only one that's in any way...
DOCTOR: Dangerous?
[SCENE_BREAK]
22. FIELD
(SKAGRA stops his car near a field and gets out of the car with the bag. He moves forwards and opens the gate and enter the field and appears to be walking straight ahead. He then appears to walk up some invisible steps As he does so he slowly disappears from the head downwards. We hear a door closing and the rest of him is quickly cut off. He has entered a spaceship which is totally invisible.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23. PROFESSOR'S ROOM
(Books are everywhere now.)
ROMANA: Well what does it look like? What's it called?
PROFESSOR: The Worshipful And Ancient Law Of Gallifrey.
(The name causes the DOCTOR to drop his book.)
DOCTOR: The Worshipful And Ancient Law Of Gallifrey.
PROFESSOR: Yes. Little book, about five by seven.
DOCTOR: Professor, how did that book get out of the Panopticon Archives?
PROFESSOR: Well, what I did you see is ... well, I just took it.
DOCTOR: Took it?
PROFESSOR: Well, no one interested in Ancient History on Gallifrey anymore. And I thought that possibly certain things would be safer with me.
DOCTOR: And were they?
PROFESSOR: Well, in principle.
DOCTOR: (to ROMANA) Excuse me.
(He picks the PROFESSOR, who was standing on the steps looking at higher shelves and carries him down.)
Delicate situation, slightly. Professor, that book dates back to the days of Rassillon...
PROFESSOR: (Ingenuously) Does it? Yes indeed...
DOCTOR: It's one of the artefacts.
PROFESSOR: Is it? Indeed.
DOCTOR: Professor, you know that perfectly well. And you also know perfectly well that Rassillon had secrets and powers that even we don't fully understand. You've no idea what might be hidden in that book.
PROFESSOR: Well there's not much chance of anyone else understanding it then is there?
DOCTOR: I only hope you're right. But we better find it. Romana?
ROMANA: (look at the higher shelves.) Yes?
DOCTOR: Little red book.
ROMANA: Five by seven.
DOCTOR: Good. Good.
(The DOCTOR starts to look again.)
PROFESSOR: (From another corner of the room.) Could be green.
(Both ROMANA and the DOCTOR turns with a "I don't believe it" look on their faces.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24. SKAGRA'S SPACESHIP, BRIDGE (NOT MADE)
(The interior of the ship reflects the sleek and deadly exterior - comfortable in a spartan way. SKAGRA pauses in absolute stillness for a few moments.)
SKAGRA: Feed me!
(By his side a beautifully prepared serving trolley laden with equally delightful food appears. SKAGRA sits in one of the loungers.)
Rest me
(He closes his eyes and his head is bathed in a gentle aura for a few moments. The aura disappears. SKAGRA opens his eyes, and looks refreshed and revitalised. He takes something from the trolley and begins to eat.)
I have confirmed the location of the book. It shall soon be mine.
(Finally we hear what he has been talking to - the SHIP itself. It talks in a woman's voice.)
SHIP: Congratulations my Lord.
SKAGRA: Tell me of the one called "The Doctor."
(A screen on the wall, a bewildering and very fast showing [according to the video] of the DOCTOR's recent adventures from ANDROIDS OF TARA to CREATURE FROM THE PIT. SKAGRA's blinks very fast and it is clear that he is assimilating the material. The process on the screen stops.)
He has no more power then the others. Only one has the power I seek, and when I have the book that power shall be mine. Get me the carrier ship.
(The screen flickers and resolves into a new image but before it totally resolves we resume on SKAGRA's face.)
All goes well, I shall be with you very soon, and then let the Universe prepare itself for me!
(Finally we look at the screen. On it is the face of the Krarg commander, a face which seems to be composed of lumps of coal with burning eyes [a close-up of the Krarg model from the Museum.])
KRARG COMMANDER: Everything is ready my Lord.
[TOM - Same place]
TOM: In his invisible space-ship. Skagra absorbed massive of information about me and then informed the Commander of the flag ship via the communicator that he would be joining him soon and that the universe should prepare itself. The Commander ashore him that all was ready as his image solidified on the space-ship screen...) | Plan: A: Romana; Q: Who is with the Doctor when he visits Chronotis? A: Chronotis; Q: Who is the retired Time Lord who needs help finding a book? A: Cambridge; Q: Where does Chronotis live? A: Rassilon; Q: When was the book Chronotis lost from? A: student Chris Parsons; Q: Who accidentally borrowed Chronotis's book? A: an extraordinary text; Q: What does Chris Parsons discover about the book? A: The book; Q: What is sought by the evil scientist Skagra? A: the evil scientist Skagra; Q: Who wants to find the book that Chronotis accidentally lent to Chris Parsons? A: Skagra; Q: Who wants to use Chronotis's book to reach Shada? A: its victims' minds; Q: What does Skagra's sphere draw out of its victims? A: Shada; Q: Where is the Time Lord prison that even the Time Lords have forgotten? A: the criminal Salyavin; Q: Who was imprisoned in Shada? A: Salyavin; Q: Who was Chronotis forced to admit he was? A: punishment; Q: Why did the Time Lords imprison Salyavin? A: his powers; Q: What did Chronotis use to cause the Time Lords to forget about his prison? A: his crimes; Q: What has Chronotis repented of? A: a quiet, peaceful life; Q: What does Chronotis want to live? A: Chronotis's mind; Q: What does Skagra drain to acquire the ability to transfer his own mind into other bodies? A: his crystalline servants; Q: Who are the Krargs? A: the Doctor; Q: Who is able to turn Skagra's slaves against him? A: the resonance; Q: What does the Doctor use to turn Skagra's slaves against him? A: Skagra's possessed slaves; Q: Who does the Doctor use to turn against Skagra? A: his own Ship; Q: Who imprisons Skagra? A: Earth; Q: Where does Chronotis return to after he defeats Skagra? A: his peaceful retirement; Q: What does Chronotis want to resume after he's defeated Skagra? Summary: The Doctor and Romana visit Chronotis, a retired Time Lord living in Cambridge, who admits that he's lost a book dating back to the time of Rassilon and needs their help to find it. In fact, he's accidentally lent it out to graduate student Chris Parsons, who soon realizes that this is an extraordinary text indeed. The book is also sought by the evil scientist Skagra, who has developed a sphere capable of drawing its victims' minds out of their bodies. Skagra needs the book to reach the Time Lord prison Shada, which even the Time Lords have forgotten. Long ago they imprisoned the criminal Salyavin there, as punishment for using his powers to transfer his mind into other people's bodies. Chronotis is eventually forced to admit that he himself is Salyavin; he escaped long ago and used his powers to cause the Time Lords to forget about his prison. However, he's now repented of his crimes and wishes to live a quiet, peaceful life. Skagra drains Chronotis's mind and thus acquires the ability to transfer his own mind into other bodies; with the aid of the sphere and his crystalline servants, the Krargs, he will spread his own mind throughout the Universe and become immortal. However, when the Doctor pretends to be stupid, the sphere fails to drain his mind completely. He thus survives, and since there's a copy of his mind inside the sphere, he is able to use the resonance to turn Skagra's possessed slaves against him. Skagra is imprisoned by his own Ship, and Chronotis returns to Earth to resume his peaceful retirement. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
This town was my home. I want it back. All of your scheming, the enemies that you have made every single day of your miserable life, what results did you expect, that your child would be born into a happy life? This was our family's hope. We need to regain control of the city. I'm fighting for my home, for the dignity of the vampires who were run out of there. The offer still exists to join me.
Mikael: You brought me back to kill my son. When I'm ready, not a minute before.
Klaus: We should have known our mother would not be bound by anything as obvious as death. You have much to do. Yes, mother. I'm Kaleb.
Cassie: Finn, Kol, we have a family reunion to plan.
Elijah: What is it that you intend to do, brother? Whatever it takes to save our family.
[ FLASHBACK - CADIZ, SPAIN, 1702 ]
[In the distance, a fire rages in a village, while two men on horseback flee from the threat. Inside a cottage, dozens of dead bodies are strewn around the floor, and blood is everywhere. Suddenly, Klaus and Elijah arrive]
Klaus: [angry] Kol!
( Elijah and Klaus enter the home and are disgusted by the scene )
Elijah: [sighs] All of my efforts to keep this family concealed. Yet, debauchery like this has led Father directly to us.
Klaus: [shouts] Kol? Show yourself! This is no time for games.
( After a moment, Kol (in his original body) stumbles back into the cottage, still feeding on a woman as she whimpers in fear. Once he's fed on her to death, he drops her body carelessly to the floor )
Kol: [smiles and gestures toward them] Come, come, brother! It's always time for games!
( Kol takes a swig from a nearby mug of alcohol and lifts it toward them in a toast )
Elijah: We must leave. Mikael is very nearly upon us.
Kol: [sits down and props his feet on the table] If Mikael were upon us, I imagine Niklaus would be quite dead.
Klaus: [angry] I barely escaped! Father left the head of my horse on a pike in the town square!
Kol: [mocks him] He killed poor Theo? What a beast. But, then, Father's always hated you most. Surely he'll chase you if you flee, leaving me here. Perhaps I'll make myself mayor?
Elijah: [unamused] Rebekah and Finn have already boarded the ship. It is imperative that we remain together.
Kol: [rises to his feet and walks toward Klaus] Rebekah does what she's told because she fears Nik. And Finn is in no position to argue, given the dagger in his heart. [smiles] I'll take my chances here!
( Kol turns to walk away, but Elijah is blocking his path. He then turns back around to find Klaus blocking the other way. Kol's eyes widen in alarm once he realizes what they're intending )
Klaus: I find it amusing that you think you have a choice.
( Klaus pulls out the dagger and holds it up to Kol's chest, while Elijah holds Kol down from behind )
Kol: [furious] No! I swear to you, the day will come when I'm not so easily subdued! And, on that day, I will make you suffer!
Klaus: Perhaps! But, today is not that day.
( Klaus shoves the dagger into Kol's heart, and Kol screams as he begins to desiccate )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ FRENCH QUARTER - PRESENT DAY ]
( Kol, in Kaleb's body, smirks as he walks down the streets of the Quarter. He spots a pretty girl in a sundress walking down the street while she talks on her phone, and uses magic to create a wind gust that blows her skirt up. When he crosses the street, he steals an apple from a fruit stand, and when the owner protests, he uses magic again to knock all the apples onto the sidewalk so he's too distracted to make a scene. He stops when he sees Davina walk out of a coffee shop and hail a cab, and he starts to eat his apple while he watches her )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CREDITS ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
( Elijah returns home to find a puddle of blood on the floor of the courtyard. When he examines the puddle, he sees a trail of paw prints that eventually turn into human footprints that lead to a dead woman's body, propped up against the fountain. More footprints lead Elijah to the bathroom, where Hayley is taking a bubble bath. Another body is propped up against the wall next to the tub )
Hayley: Come to check up on me?
Elijah: You've had an eventful evening.
Hayley: I was having a crappy day, so Klaus took me out to the Cauldron. Wouldn't you know, we ran into some witches!
Elijah: [sarcastically] So, would you like me to remove your leftovers?
( Elijah steps over the body and into the bathroom, and Hayley rolls her eyes before standing up in the tub, naked and covered in bubbles. Elijah, unamused, reaches for a towel and hands it to Hayley, though he doesn't avert his eyes )
Hayley: Oh, don't judge, Elijah! What I did is no worse than anything Klaus has ever done.
Elijah: I would hope that you would hold yourself to a higher standard than Niklaus.
Hayley: I'm a hybrid now, and I have a werewolf temper to go with my new appetite. And, the witches who tried to kill my baby are worth nothing more than food. Excuse me.
[Hayley scoots past Elijah and returns to her room to change]
( Elsewhere in the compound, Elijah goes to talk to Klaus about Hayley )
Elijah: [incredulous] You took her on a witch hunt?
Klaus: I simply wanted to persuade those witches to locate the white oak stake for me. When they proved unable to do so, I let Hayley have her fun.
Elijah: She grows more savage by the day! Can you not see that she is falling apart?
Klaus: Perhaps the problem is your high standards? Hayley is one of us now. Being a vampire only exaggerates what you truly are, and wolves are wild things. She knows she can never live up to the pretty little picture you paint of her in your head. Your judgment only hurts her more.
Elijah: I am trying to help her, and I asked you to help her, brother.
Klaus: [angrily rises to his feet] I am helping! You should have seen her last night! Covered in witches' blood and smiling from ear to ear! She is embracing this. A little less criticism from you, and Hayley will be just fine.
Elijah: Niklaus! The mother of your child deserves much better than just fine! [the two glare at each other] You'll take her to the Bayou. Find any remaining wolves. Perhaps her people can reach her. Now, more than every, she needs a connection to something, some of her humanity. Some degree of dignity.
( Elijah angrily storms out of the room, leaving Klaus to consider his advice )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ACROSS THE RIVER ]
( The streets of the neighborhood are packed with musicians playing instruments as oters sell merchandise in stalls. Marcel talks to a group of potential vampire recruits which Gia plays the bongo drums nearby. Elijah arrives in the middle of Marcel's speech and listens to him from afar )
Marcel: Gia's proven herself. She knows what she's getting into. So, she's going to be the first one that I turn. Everybody else? First, I need to be sure that you can handle moving up a notch on the food chain. The emotional ups and downs, the solitude, and bloodlust. Imagine hearing the sound of a heart beating, beating, beating, and wanting more than anything to feed. That's what it's like to be a vampire. It's not for everybody. Some folks, well... let's just say it brings out the worst in them.
( Elijah begins thinking about the past before being transported into a flashback )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1821 ]
( Elijah stands by a piano and watches as Marcel tries to work his way through a song )
Marcel: [sighs] I can't do it!
Elijah: Now, you once said the same thing of your reading, and now you devour everything from sonnets to scriptures. So, devote yourself to your music, and soon you shall be Johann Sebastian Bach.
Marcel: But I want to play like you.
( Elijah smiles at him proudly, which Marcel returns before they hear the sound of clapping from the doorway. It's Klaus )
Klaus: Well, isn't this nice? My older brother and my ward, getting along like two peas in a pod.
Elijah: [uncomfortable, turns to Marcel] We shall continue at another time. Why don't you resume your Hamlet? Act one, scene three today. Off you go!
( Klaus waves at Marcel and stumbles drunkenly as he joins Elijah in the room )
Elijah: Congratulations, you've been drinking.
Klaus: Only to remedy the lifeless monotony that has overcome this household. You know, Rebekah's still pouting over the Governor's son.
Elijah: [annoyed] When you threw him to his death, did you imagine a different outcome?
Klaus: You monopolize young Marcellus with schooling. [pours himself a drink and sighs] He and I used to have such fun. If only there was someone with whom I could share a bit of roguery. [Elijah leaves the room, so Klaus calls out after him] Oh, yes! That's right. [he pulls out a white -oak -ash dagger] There is!
Elijah: [stunned] You didn't!
( Klaus shrugs and laughs maniacally, and follows Elijah as he races down to the courtyard of the compound, where Kol has just finished viciously feeding on all of the servants )
Kol: [clears his throat and claps] Bravo! That was delectable. But, make no mistake, Nik - I'm still cross that you daggered me. But, as far as apologies go, it's a start.
Elijah: [angrily turns to Klaus] So, this is your idea of fun?
Klaus: Well, you and Marcellus have grown thick as thieves... why should I be alone?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ PRESENT DAY - ACROSS THE RIVER ]
( Marcel notices Elijah nearby and approaches him )
Marcel: Elijah. Didn't expect to see you on this side of the river.
Elijah: Didn't expect to see you assembling a new vampire community. I guess we're both full of surprises.
Marcel: My community was fine until Klaus had the brilliant idea to make moonlight rings. Now that Harvest girl's making more, offering them to the wolves in exchange for their allegiance. And the wolves are just kneeling at her feet. The Quarter's become a dangerous place, and you? You're the last true vampire left! You ask me, you're better off joining my community! Maybe that's why you're here?
Elijah: [smiles and shakes his head] Hmm, no. I came to make you an offer: find me the white oak stake, and I'll let this little social experiment continue.
Marcel: Aw, even if I wanted to help, I don't have a clue where the stake is.
Elijah: Yes, but you do have an ally in Davina. She can find it. Thing is, I'd speak to her myself, but I feel the conversation might become a little unpleasant.
Marcel: [serious] You don't go anywhere near her.
Elijah: [smiles] Then, it's settled! You'll deal with the matter personally.
( Elijah pats Marcel patronizingly on the shoulder and walks away )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ]
[In the attic, Davina is studying Esther's grimoire and taking notes in her own notebook while Mikael restlessly paces around the room]
Mikael: [bored] How frustrating. A novice trying to interpret the work of a master. [sighs]
Davina: [frustrated] It's a simple de -linking spell!
Mikael: [stands up] Simple? You're trying to erase the link between Klaus and every single vampire he's sired.
Davina: No. All I care about is Marcel and Josh. You kill Klaus? They die, too. I can fix that. I have Esther's grimoire, it's just a matter of time.
Mikael: Perhaps I can help you solve the riddle.
Davina: Unless you trick me into a spell that will free you from my control.
Mikael: You know, for somebody who despises Klaus so much, you certainly share his paranoia. The sooner you perform the spell, the sooner I'll be free to kill the b*st*rd.
( Davina's phone beeps. She checks it and finds a text message from Kaleb/Kol, which reads, "Coffee? Now -ish?" Davina smiles and leaves the room, heading down the stairs and through the main room of the church. After Davina leaves the building, Kaleb/Kol sneaks through the church and up to her room )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
( Kaleb/Kol, Cassie/Esther, and Vincent/Finn walk through the cemetery, where the men give their reports to their mother )
Kaleb/Kol: Well, you right to be suspicious. Davina's hiding something in that attic. The door was locked with a rather complex spell.
Cassie/Esther: Could be a weapon, or a source of power. I prefer not to leave anything to chance. Better we know what she has and whose side she's on. So, you'll take her to dinner.
Kaleb/Kol: [confused] Well, I just stood her up for coffee. She probably hates me by now.
Vincent/Finn: Just do what you're told, Kol.
Kaleb/Kol: Oh, of course! Finn the sycophant speaks up! Are you gonna grovel at your mother's heels for eternity, or what?
Cassie/Esther: Stop it, both of you. There's enough conflict to come.
( They arrive to the lyceé, where a crowd of disheveled -looking werewolves are waiting for them )
Kaleb/Kol: Look at this pack of freeloaders!
Cassie/Esther: [smiles] Nonsense! These are our friends. Wolves in need of a gift only I can provide - moonlight rings.
( They all move inside, where a witch is chipping away at a large stone to break off pieces of black kyanite. Other witches are polishing and setting the stones into rings )
Cassie/Esther: The witches have been working day and night. Soon, we will have enough rings for an army. And, when we do, we will pay your brothers a visit.
( Vincent/Finn and Kaleb/Kol look around at all of the rings being made. Cassie/Esther plucks a stone from a nearby bowl and looks at it )
Cassie/Esther: We will teach them the unfortunate error of their vampire ways.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE BAYOU ]
( Klaus and Hayley have arrived at the werewolf encampments and are looking around for any wolves who may still be around )
Hayley: I told you, this place is deserted.
Klaus: No, their scent is fresh. They're hiding. [searches through empty tents] Which means, somewhere nearby we will find the remnants of your pack.
Hayley: ...And then what? It's not exactly like they're going to welcome us. If there's one thing these people hate more than vampires, it's hybrids.
Klaus: What they hate is their lack of power. Hence the willingnness of their brethren to deal with that witch in exchange for rings! But, she hasn't gotten to your lot yet, so, we need to get to them first and ensure they align with us.
Hayley: [skeptical] Awesome. All we gotta do is find them.
Klaus: A task I leave to you. Go on! [Hayley looks at him in confusion] Well, you're a hybrid now, with heightened senses unlike anything under the sun... besides me.
[Hayley rolls her eyes and dramatically sniffs the air. She seems to smell something, and closes her eyes for a moment to focus. Klaus watches in interest]
Hayley: [opens her eyes and frowns] This is stupid.
Klaus: Your people need a leader! You are their queen!
Hayley: I am a mess! I cry all day, I feed all night. All I can think about is how much I miss my daughter.
Klaus: Do you think you're alone in that pain?
Hayley: Have you even thought about her once?
Klaus: [angry] I have not stopped thinking about her! When it pains me, I seek comfort in the idea of what I will do to those who would harm her.
( Klaus gestures toward an overturned chair, over which what looks like a man's jacket lays. Hayley rolls her eyes and reluctantly sniffs the sleeve to get a scent )
Klaus: Concentrate.
[Hayley follows the scent and eventually finds the direction in which it leads. She starts walking toward it, and Klaus smiles proudly]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ACROSS THE RIVER ]
( Elijah watches two older gentlemen playing chess outside on the side of a street until Marcel returns to join him )
Marcel: Davina's on her way. By the time she gets here, you need to be gone.
Elijah: I'm not going anywhere until I know the whereabouts of the stake.
Marcel: You think she's just going to cooperate with you standing here? First thing I learned living with your family - wherever you people go, threats and bloodshed are soon to follow. So, just stay out of sight, alright? Try not to kill anyone.
( Marcel leaves to go meet Davina, leaving Elijah to continue watching the chess players. The sight launches Elijah into another flashback )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1821 ]
( Klaus and Kol are playing chess while Elijah paces around angrily )
Elijah: Forty -six. An entire tenement. FORTY -SIX bodies drained!
Kol: Nonsense! [beat] It was at least sixty! [smirks] Ah, they neglected to check the attic!
Klaus: [laughs] Ah!
Kol: Why do people always run to the attic? I mean, it makes no sense!
Elijah: [annoyed] It is difficult enough to keep our presence in the city a secret without the two of you doing absolutely everything in your power to draw attention to us.
Klaus: I'm surprised you have the time to concern yourself with us, given the hours you spend doting on Marcellus.
Elijah: Is that what all this is about? You envy my bond with Marcellus? Niklaus, you brought that child into this home! He's no longer safe here. I cannot allow him to remain.
Klaus: [furious] You would punish the boy for Kol's antics? I would just as soon put him in a box!
Kol: [offended] You'd choose that little whelp over your own family?
Klaus: That little whelp is our family! [turns to Elijah] Marcellus stays.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ PRESENT DAY - ACROSS THE RIVER ]
( Elijah pulls himself out of his thoughts and sighs )
( Elsewhere, Marcel is waiting for Davina in a nearby alley when she finally arrives. When they see each other, they both smile )
Marcel: Hey! Long time, little D!
Davina: I got your message! What's going on?
Marcel: [holds out his arms] Come on, I don't get a hug?
( The two embrace for a long moment )
Davina: It's good to see you, Marcel.
Marcel: It's good to see you, too! I appreciate you coming all the way out here... How's school? Make any new friends?
Davina: I dunno. This one guy asked me out... but then, he stood me up.
Marcel: [disbelieving] He stood you up?
Davina: [laughs] Mmhmm.
Marcel: Say the word, and he's dead! [They laugh] Okay, I hate to ask for a favor, but... I need a locator spell. Something's missing... a white oak stake that's powerful enough to kill an Original.
Davina: [horrified] Did one of them put you up to this?
Marcel: D, if that stake is used on Klaus, every vampire he's sired dies, too.
Davina: I know. But, what if I do find it? I mean, I -I'm not just gonna give it to Klaus! He and Elijah are both brutal, sadistic monsters!
Elijah: [appears out of nowhere] I do wish I could disagree with you. Tragically, however, you're quite right.
( Davina glares at Marcel, and Marcel shakes his head in annoyance that Elijah showed up )
Elijah: Although, you and I both have excellent reason to find that weapon. I want to protect my family, and you want to protect your friends. We'd do well to forget our grievances and join forces.
Davina: [fiurious] No.
Marcel: [worried] Davina, just -
Davina: No! No, I'm -I'm done listening. [turns to Elijah] For a long time, you and your family have had all the power. You manipulate and kill anyone who gets in your way. That time's over. From now on, you can know what it is to be afraid.
( Davina storms away, leaving an angry Marcel and a trouble Elijah to process what just happened )
Marcel: I asked you to stay out of sight!
Elijah: I needed to speak to her face -to -face.
Marcel: Why? So that you could piss her off?
Elijah: I wanted to see for myself. She cares for you, and yet, how cavalier she was at the jeopardy that you now face.
Marcel: [confused] What are you saying?
Elijah: She knows the stake will not be used because she knows precisely where it is. She's had it all along.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE BAYOU ]
[Hayley and Klaus watch the werewolves from the woods. Oliver and the rest of the Crescents are gathering up their belongings while Klaus and Hayley determine how to proceed]
Hayley: So, Jackson is MIA and Oliver seems to think he's the alpha. They're not going to listen to me.
Klaus: The birthmark on your shoulder did not disappear when you became a hybrid. Go on, talk to them.
( Nervous, Hayley slowly makes her way toward the group of Crescents, as Klaus follows behind her. They all turn to face her and defensively form a circle around them )
Oliver: The hell you two want?
Klaus: Hold your tongue, or I'll tear it from your gaping mouth.
Hayley: [shoots Klaus a look] We didn't come here to fight, Oliver. Our pack has been divided by people who want us to be their slaves. What we need right now is a leader. Someone who will reunite us and make us strong again. Someone who will fight for our pack. If you let me, I can be that person.
Oliver: You think we can trust you? You're not one of us! Hell, you're not even a wolf, you're a blood - sucking vampire parasite!
( Klaus rolls his eyes dramatically )
Hayley: You want to say that again and see what happens, Oliver?
Oliver: You tough girl, you're gonna attack me? In front of all them? You'll just give them another reason to say yes to Cassie and her moonlight rings. Yeah, they would rather follow a witch than you. Me? Hell, I'd rather die than follow you.
[Furious, Klaus vamp -speeds over to Oliver and knocks him flat on his back and stomps on his chest with his boot]
Klaus: Well, at least you didn't drag this out.
Hayley: Hey! Let him go, Klaus!
Klaus: You need to learn about the art of politics, love. You gain support by killing your detractors!
Hayley: They may not like me very much, but these people, including Oliver, are my family. Let him go, now.
( Klaus looks around at all of the wolves who are watching intently and smiles before releasing Oliver )
Klaus: You see? There's your queen. Powerful, fearless, and, unlike me, merciful. [to Hayley] These people need to show you more respect. How you handle them now is up to you. [turns to leave]
Hayley: [confused] Where are you going?
Klaus: I'm going to find the witch. Seems I need to educate her as to what she may or may not do in my city.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ACROSS THE RIVER ]
( Marcel and Elijah walk down the streets of New Orleans )
Marcel: The stake is safe. Davina won't use it on Klaus if it would kill me.
Elijah: Of course, she has no reason whatsoever not to use it on me.
Marcel: [smiles] I guess you better behave!
Elijah: And, how long before someone else should make this discovery? What if it falls into enemy hands?
Marcel: Huh. I'll get her to give the stake back! Alright? Just give me some time.
Elijah: Unfortunately, Marcel, unlike these wretched souls that you recruit here, your promises do little to inspire my faith. One way or another, Davina will comply.
Marcel: [sighs in frustration] Look. Hey, do you ever wonder why your family has so many enemies? It's because you make stupid moves like this! It really makes me wonder how the hell I ever survived you people.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1821 ]
( Kol is hanging out with Marcel in the courtyard of the compound, and has organized (and presumably compelled) a group of men to act out Shakespeare for him. Marcel's lips are coated in blood )
Marcel: Please, let me go! Mr. Kol, I don't -I don't like this.
Kol: Don't be absurd! Shakespeare should be experienced in the flesh! In truth, these aren't the finest actors, but we are in the colonies. [shrugs] Here! [gestures to the stage] Where were we?
Actor 1: In venom to thy work!
( The actor takes a sword and runs another actor through with it. Marcel gasps in shock as the man falls dead to the floor )
Actor 2: Exchange forgiveness with me, noble harlot -
Kol: [stands up and shouts before walking toward Actor 2] No! [sighs] How many times must I tell you? [grabs the top of the actor's head] It's Hamlet, not harlot.
( Kol snaps the actor's neck and drops his body to the floor )
Kol: Sometimes, I don't know why I bother.
( Elijah rushes into the courtyard, breathless )
Elijah: What have you done?
Kol: I was just introducing Marcellus to the theater. I thought you'd be pleased?
( Klaus enters the courtyard and checks on Marcel )
Elijah: Is there no limit to your violent imagination, brother?
Kol: If the lad is going to be a vampire, he'll have to learn somehow, won't he? Come, I've already fed him my blood. All you have to do is snuff him, and voila. One of us. Well, that's what you want, isn't it?
( Elijah grabs Kol in a choke -hold and shoves him backwards, where Klaus grabs Kol's arms )
Klaus: Let him go, Elijah.
( Elijah reluctantly lets him go )
Kol: Thank you, Nik. At least someone knows the meaning of family.
Klaus: I told you before, [turns Kol around to face him] Marcellus is family.
( Klaus daggers Kol once again while Elijah holds him down )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ PRESENT DAY - ACROSS THE RIVER ]
( Elijah and Marcel are still in an alley near Marcel's loft )
Elijah: I don't fault you for your suspicion, nor Davina for her contempt. That does not alter our present dilemma. She has that stake. I want it back.
( Elijah leaves )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ]
( Davina is back in the attic, lounging on the couch while she continues to study Esther's grimoire and her own notes while Mikael watches )
Davina: Stare all you want, but as long as I have this bracelet, I own you.
Mikael: You foolish little girl. You imprison me here, you refuse my help, but all the while that hybrid monstrosity roams this city, free to pray on everyone you care about. Those few that remain.
( Davina ignores him. Her phone beeps, and when she answers it, she finds a missed call and a text from Kaleb/Kol again. "Can I make it up to you over dinner?" Davina smiles )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
( Klaus has arrived to confront the werewolves who are working with Cassie )
Klaus: What happened to decorum? Does no one greet their guests anymore?
( Klaus walks around the cemetery and the werewolves come out of hiding and surround him )
Klaus: Well, that's more like it. Although, I am rather disappointed at how many of my once -formidable brethren have been neutered by a 16 -year -old girl. Where is she? Where is this witch who dares craft moonlight rings without my permission?
( Klaus looks around to find Cassie, and is startled when he finally heards a voice call out to him )
Cassie/Esther: Niklaus.
( Cassie/Esther walks through the crowd of werewolves to face Klaus )
Cassie/Esther: I've been expecting you.
( They move inside one of the crypts. Klaus sits at one of the tables while Cassie/Esther makes tea )
Cassie/Esther: I must offer my condolences on the tragic loss of your child.
Klaus: [unamused] Wasn't it your coven who threatened her life?
( Cassie/Esther sets a cup of tea in front of him before pouring one for herself )
Klaus: Is that tea your idea of a peace offering?
Cassie/Esther: Chamomile has lots of healing properties. Did you know that it is also a flowering plant?
Klaus: I did. The plants grew wild near my boyhood home. But, neither the tea, nor your botanical musings explain the reason why you've taken it upon yourself to forge new moonlight rings.
Cassie/Esther: I assumed that was obvious. An alliance between the wolves and the witches would restore balance to our home.
Klaus: [suspicious] Well, that's a lofty goal for a teenage girl.
Cassie/Esther: Long ago, the witches and the wolves were at peace. Then came the vampires. A plague made flesh, a curse on this earth. You have no humanity, and so you punish those who do. Witches have a coven, werewolves have a pack, and so we are a constant reminder of everything that you have forsaken. Creatures such as you will always hate the living, and so we will always have to defend ourselves. The rings level the playing field. If we are united, nothing can stand against us.
Klaus: [tries to keep his cool] It's an ambitious strategy. But allow me to offer a few words of advice, if I may be so bold? New Orleans is a vicious place, and your enemies are everywhere. Behind your back, before your eyes. You will need to remain vigilant against those who would seek to destroy you, some of whom you may never see coming.
Cassie/Esther: [sips her tea calmly] I've already begun to take precautions. In fact, I'm taking them as we speak.
( Klaus stares at her, confused and a little nervous )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ROUSSEAU'S ]
( Davina is sitting at a table with Kaleb/Kol, and the two are getting to know each other )
Kaleb/Kol: My family? Oh, no. They're all crazy as loons. How about your family?
Davina: [uncomfortable] Not much to say. Only child. My dad was distant, which is a lot better than my mom.
Kaleb/Kol: Mommy issues, eh? Bet she's a control freak, right? [Davina nods] Yeah, same as mine. She's the reason I stopped practicing magic for so long.
Davina: [shocked] You're a witch?
Kaleb/Kol: Don't look so surprised, love. I didn't just ask you out because you're gorgeous. No, we're, uh... we're kindred souls.
Davina: [confused] What do you mean?
Kaleb/Kol: I know your story, Davina. I mean, you're practically famous. You're the Harvest girl who told them all to shove it. [beat] I'm a lot like you. Don't really believe in rules and authority. Your courage, it should be celebrated.
( Davina smiles at him, and the two stare at each other for a moment until Davina's phone rings, interrupting their conversation. It's Marcel )
Davina: I'm so sorry, he'll just keep calling until I answer. I'll make it quick.
( Davina leaves to take the call. Vincent/Finn waits until she's out of earshot before he approaches Kaleb/Kol )
Vincent/Finn: You're stalling.
Kaleb/Kol: [rolls his eyes and sighs] No, that's not creepy at all, watching me on me own date.
Vincent/Finn: [annoyed] Stop complimenting her and find out what she's hiding.
Kaleb/Kol: I'm wooing her, Vincent. It requires charm, and personality - something you'd know nothing about.
Vincent/Finn: Our mother wants answers, and if you can't get them, we'll do this my way.
Kaleb/Kol: [confused] Oh, what are you gonna do? You gonna bore her until she can't help but tell you everything?
Vincent/Finn: If you want to find out if someone has a weapon, you provoke them into using it.
( Outside, Davina has answered Marcel's call. Marcel is in a car with Elijah, driving to the French Quarter )
Davina: I never said I had it.
Marcel: [sighs] The thing is, Elijah thinks you do. Matter of fact, he's convinced.
Davina: Well, let Elijah think what he wants.
Marcel: You're not safe, D. Anyone who's ever wanted to kill an Original is gonna be coming after you.
Davina: Fine. Let them try.
Marcel: [exasperated] D, come on! Just tell me where you are. [Davina is silent] Hey, we can talk about this!
Davina: [angry] I'm at Rousseau's. Don't bother coming. I'm leaving now.
( Davina hangs up on him and re -enters Rousseau's. Elijah gives Marcel a look and starts to drive faster toward the Quarter )
[Back inside, Davina pushes through a crowd of peopel to find Kaleb, looking confused as everyone files out of the restaurant]
Davina: Kaleb? What's happening?
Kaleb/Kol: [annoyed] Some fellow just announced they were closing for a private party.
Davina: [anxious] We should leave now.
( A man with a group of fellow werewolves approaches them )
Werewolf 1: And what's your rush, sweetheart? Why don't you stay and party with us?
Davina: [angry] Get out of our way. Now.
( When the werewolf doesn't move, she hits him with a pain infliction spell that brings him to his knees His fellow werewolf friends surround Davina and Kaleb/Kol, who immediately begin to panic )
Kaleb/Kol: Can you do that with the rest of them, or...?
Davina: ...Not all at once.
( The werewolf rises to his feet and shoves Davina across the room. Kaleb/Kol tries to shove him back but he's thrown against the wall behind the bar, and shatters several bottles when he makes impact. The wolves start to descend upon Davina with their fangs out, so she twists the bracelet around her wrist and starts to chant a spell )
Davina: [unintelligible]
( At St. Anne's Church, Mikael senses something from the attic, and is surprised to find that he can walk through the door )
[Back at Rousseau's, Davina has been grabbed by another werewolf, who shoves her against the bar and turns her head so he can bite her in the neck. Before he can do so, Mikael arrives and throws the werewolf across the bar]
Mikael: Let go of her! You filthy dogs.
( As Mikael lunges for the werewolves and begins to fight them, Kaleb/Kol hides behind the bar and becomes fearful when he realizes his father is alive. Mikael snaps a werewolf's neck before ripping the hearts out of several others. Across the room Davina has been grabbed by a different werewolf, and in the struggle, she loses her bracelet. Mikael notices, and smirks )
Mikael: Well, now. What an interesting turn of events.
( Mikael picks her up off the floor and vamps -out )
Mikael: I'm going to enjoy this, girl.
[He's about to feed on Davina when Elijah arrives and shoves Mikael off of her, not realizing right away who Mikael was. When he finally sees Mikael's face, Elijah is completely shocked]
Elijah: Father?
Mikael: Hello, son. I'd hoped to see your brother first, but we have some unfinished business as well.
( Elijah attacks his father, and the two begin to fight. Mikael pulls the white oak stake out of the waistband of his pants and aims it for Elijah's heart while Elijah desperately tries to push his arms away. Meanwhile, Marcel arrives and immediately rushes to check on Davina )
Marcel: We're getting out of here.
Davina: [frantic] No! Marcel, I need my bracelet. I can use it to control him.
( Marcel sees the bracelet nearby beside a dead body, and he quickly rushes to grab it while Elijah continues to struggle with Mikael. Mikael gets the upper -hand and impales the tip of the stake in Elijah's chest )
Elijah: [screams] AAAH!
( Marcel gets the bracelet and tosses it to Davina. Mikael notices what's happening and vamp -speeds away from Elijah to attack Davina instead, but she manages to put on the bracelet and use it to stop him )
Davina: STOP! Go back, NOW.
[Behind the bar, Kaleb/Kol is still gaping in complete shock at this turn of events. Mikael sighs and reluctantly vamp -speeds back to the church. Elijah, who is still gasping as he heals from Mikael's attack, stares at Davina in horror. Marcel stares at her as well, disappointed, but Davina just shakes her head at both of them and leaves. Elijah finally notices Kaleb/Kol behind the bar and gives him a look]
Elijah: Something to say?
Kaleb/Kol: [still stunned, maintains his cover] Not me, mate. Not a bloody thing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LAFAYETTE CEMETERY ]
( Klaus and Cassie/Esther continue to have tea and talk in one of the crypts )
Klaus: [sips tea] Chamomile. It's the same tea my mother made. How I loathed it.
Cassie: [amused] Would you have preferred mint?
Klaus: You know, she was insane, my mother. [Cassie raises her eyebrows at him] No, it's true. She believed we were abominations. "A curse on this earth, stretched out over generations," is how she put it. But, she was the true monster. She changed her children, stole our innocence, made us vampires, condemned us to an eternity of bloodlust, and then acted as if we were to blame.
Cassie: [clearly annoyed] She sounds awful. Are you building to a question, Niklaus?
Klaus: [pauses] You use my full name, as though we are familiars. I find it insulting. [beat] Before she died, a witch revealed that your coven was under my mother's influence. [smiles] Does she speak to you now?
Cassie: [smiles back] She doesn't have to - I know exactly what she would say. She would tell you to go to your room for being so rude.
( Klaus loses his temper and slams his hand over Cassie's, and stares Cassie/Esther in the eye. He seems to have made a revelation, but before he can say anything, a group of werewolves come in and surround Cassie/Esther threateningly )
Cassie/Esther: It's okay. Niklaus was just leaving.
Klaus: [still angry] I will happily kill them all!
Cassie/Esther: Then, you will have murdered members of the very pack you still hope to someday lead. Besides, there's no need for bloodshed. We can always resume this discussion another day. [pauses] Goodnight, Niklaus. We will speak again soon.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON MANSION ]
( Elijah has just arrived home, and joins Klaus in the wine cellar to discuss the day's events. Elijah is clearly upset and anxious, but Klaus is too distracted to notice right away )
Klaus: It is worse than we thought. [he breaks the neck off of a bottle of wine] I met the witch, Cassie. I studied her, her presence, the way she carried herself. The fervor with which she voice her hatred of our kind. I looked into that girl's eyes, and, I swear to you, Elijah, she's just just guided by our mother. She is our mother.
Elijah: [stunned] What is happening?
Klaus: I'm going to kill her. I will boil her bones and feed them to the dogs, if that's what it takes.
Elijah: [tries to interrupt him] Niklaus -
Klaus: What? What could possibly be more important than the return of our mother?
Elijah: [sighs] ...Our father. I saw him standing there in the flesh, as you do now. He was enslaved with some spell cast by Davina. He holds the stake. If she chooses to release him...
Klaus: [determined] Well, then there's only one question we need to ask, isn't there? Which of our parents do we kill first?
( Klaus and Elijah move to the courtyard, where Hayley is leading in the Crescent wolves who aren't aligned with Cassie/Esther )
Hayley: [to the pack] Take any of the rooms on the first floor.
Klaus: Are we running a kennel now?
Hayley: I'll handle them.
Klaus: Our family is under siege. It is not the time for guests.
Hayley: If they're not with us, they're with the witches. You asked me to step up. This is me stepping up.
Klaus: [smiles] Well, it seems I'm a good influence on you after all.
( Elijah watches the two of them from afar, which transports him into a flashback )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ FLASHBACK - NEW ORLEANS, 1821 ]
( Elijah speaks in voiceover to the daggered Kol while he dresses him and puts him in his coffin )
Elijah: [voiceover] I see a change in him. For the first time in centuries, he acted solely for the benefit of another. I believe that young Marcellus, with whom he can identify and even nurture, holds the key to our brother's troubled soul. Unfortunately, Kol, your wretched behavior will only serve to distract him from this auspicious path. Now, you might well consider me a hypocrite to betray you as I have. For his sake, you must sleep. Even I must make certain sacrifices, if, indeed, we are to preserve the precious bond between Niklaus and that child.
( Later, Elijah returns to his room to finish dressing, and finds Marcel reading [i]Hamlet in a chair )[/i]
Marcel: [excited] Elijah! I did it! I memorized the whole passage. I could perform it for you?
Elijah: [sarcastic] Could you, now? Marcellus, have you ever considered you might not be the center of the given universe? [pauses] Niklaus!
Marcel: [hurt and confused] Are you angry with me?
Elijah: Bored would be a more accurate description. Niklaus, please!
( Klaus finally arrives in the bedroom )
Klaus: What? What is it?
Elijah: [sighs] Remove him. You brought him here. He's your burden to bear, if, indeed, we are to accommodate this little scavenger.
Klaus: [looks at Marcel sympathetically] Come now, little warrior. Let's have another go at The Bard, shall we?
( Klaus takes Marcel and leads him out of the room. Elijah, clearly not happy about having to be so rude to Marcel, sighs )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ PRESENT DAY - MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
( Elijah continues to watch as Klaus and Hayley discuss the Crescent wolves )
Klaus: I don't see Oliver amongst them. Am I to assume you finished him off?
Hayley: We made a deal. He'll pledge his loyalty to Cassie, report back, and tell me everything that he learns.
Klaus: [smiles] Well done!
( Klaus turns to leave. Elijah, up on the balcony, thinks about what to do. Hayley leads several werewolf girls to her bedroom as Elijah descends the stairs to leave )
Hayley: You girls can just go through here.
Elijah: Well, you two have your hands full.
Hayley: [confused] Were you just leaving?
Elijah: To be perfectly honest with you, the presence of all of them here, it's... it's a little much. No, perhaps it's for the best. You should be with your kind.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ COVEN HOUSE ]
( Kaleb/Kol arrives at the house and angrily yells at Vincent/Finn while he grabs him by the shirt and shoves him against the wall )
Kaleb/Kol: What the bloody hell was that, huh?
Vincent/Finn: You need to calm down.
Kaleb/Kol: You almost got me killed! Those wolves didn't just go after Davina, they almost attacked me!
( Cassie/Esther enters the room and joins them )
Cassie/Esther: I'm aware. I gave the order. The attack had to look convincing.
Kaleb/Kol: [lets go of Vincent and points to the bruises and cuts on his forehead from being thrown into a shelf of liquor bottles] Look at my head! This isn't gonna heal for weeks! I haven't had a scar in a thousand years!
Cassie/Esther: You'll live! And, more importantly, Davina will feel indebted to you. She will seek you out to apologize for what she perceives as an attack she caused, as I planned.
Kaleb/Kol: Well, I've had enough of your plans! You stick me in this body, you force me to sneak around like some common toady. If this is the grand new life that you planned for me, then you can have it back!
( Cassie/Esther thrusts her hand forward and casts a pain affliction spell on him. Kaleb/Kol falls to his knees in pain, and his nose starts to bleed )
Cassie/Esther: You are here by my grace, and you will remain by my grace. Have I made myself clear?
Kaleb/Kol: [groans in pain] Yes.
( Cassie/Esther stops the spell, and Kaleb/Kol falls forward to catch his breath. After a moment, she feels guilty and kneels in front of him before taking his face in her hands )
Cassie/Esther: Your brother was in the attic during the attack. Finn, tell him what you saw.
Vincent/Finn: The door was open. The room was empty.
Cassie/Esther: [stands] So, how did Davina tear apart a pack of vicious wolves? She must have had this weapon with her. What was it? A dark object? A book of spells?
Kaleb/Kol: [lies] Well, I wish I knew. [points to his head] I was knocked out during the attack. I never saw a thing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ACROSS THE RIVER ]
( Marcel and Elijah have met in the alley where Gia is performing on her violin )
Marcel: Let me guess, Davina's nowhere to be found. She wasn't in the attic, wasn't anywhere near the lyceé.
Elijah: I have people looking all over this city. She is gone. No doubt to protect Mikael while he recovers from the wounds he sustained.
Marcel: She's scared, what do you expect?
Elijah: If I discover that you had even the slightest suspicion that she brought Father back...
Marcel: Yeah, what? You gonna threaten me? My people? I mean, get in line. The witches hate us, the wolves can kill us any time they like. I can't even go into the Quarter without risking my damn life, and I used to run the Quarter. And now, Mikael's back - the vampire who hunts vampires. You really think that works in my favor? [pauses] You want my help finding Davina? I need to know where you stand. Now, Klaus is on Team Wolf. What are you?
Elijah: I don't do teams.
Marcel: I'm sorry, but that's not an option. See, you're an Original. Every vampire that's ever been sired is an extension of you and your family. Now, you can walk away from that, and side with Klaus and the wolves. But you're not one of them, and you never will be. You want allies, right? Look around! This is ground zero for a new vampire community. Now, you may think that you're better than us, but we're all you got.
Elijah: [amused] And why would I play benefactor to a collection of lost children?
Marcel: [rolls his eyes] That's right. You never were any good with children. But, like it or not, vampires exist because of you.
( Marcel walks over to Gia and nods at her. She nods at him back, and he grabs her shoulders comfortingly )
Marcel: And these folks are gonna need your help.
( Marcel snaps Gia's neck and carefully lowers her body to the floor )
Marcel: Her name's Gia. I fed her my blood a few hours ago. When she wakes up, she's gonna need a mentor. I hope that you do better with her than you did with me. | Plan: A: tensions; Q: What is growing between Elijah and Hayley? A: Elijah; Q: Who turns to Marcel for help in tracking down a vital piece of information? A: Klaus; Q: Who encourages Hayley to regain her position within her werewolf pack? A: Davina's control; Q: What is Mikael under? A: a spell; Q: What does Davina want to uncover that would protect those closest to her? A: better terms; Q: What was Marcel and Elijah on before they became enemies? A: a dangerous situation; Q: What do Davina and Kaleb find themselves in when unexpected visitors show up and crash their dinner? A: a meeting; Q: What did Klaus have planned with Cassie that didn't go as planned? Summary: As tensions between Elijah and Hayley grow, Klaus steps in and encourages her to regain her position within her werewolf pack. Still under Davina's control, Mikael grows impatient while she attempts to uncover a spell that would protect those closest to her. When Elijah turns to Marcel for help in tracking down a vital piece of information, he is forced to remember a time long ago when they were on better terms. Meanwhile, Davina and Kaleb find themselves in a dangerous situation when unexpected visitors show up and crash their dinner. Finally, Klaus grows suspicious after a meeting with Cassie doesn't go as he had planned. |
"Monsters" 3rd Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 1ADA02
[SCENE_BREAK]
(MARIA is driving down the road in her car singing Genie in a Bottle by Christina Aguilera. ISABELLE'S car has broken down on the side of the road, and is being towed.)
Isabel: Of course.
Maria: Going home? Um, I mean um, do you need a ride? (ISABEL stares at her for a moment and then gets in car)
Isabel: Doesn't this thing have any air conditioning.
Maria: Yeah, it's on all the way. (ISABEL holds her had over the vent and uses her power to make stream of air cooler.)
Oh my God! What are you doing?
Isabel: I'm just making it more comfortable in here!
Maria: Don't do that in my car!
Isabel: Whatever. What year is this thing?
Maria: It's a '92, and it's never been towed either.
Isabel: Well the sound system is pathetic. (ISABEL holds her hand over the radio in the car and makes the radio louder.)
Maria: Oh my God! (Car swerves)
Isabel: I'm just trying to help you out.
Maria: Oh, uh the keychain. My mother makes them. I'll tell her to stop.
Isabel: My mother does stupid things too.
Maria: She does?
Isabel: Don't all mothers?
Maria: Yeah, I guess. Does she know?
Isabel: That she does stupid things?
Maria: No that, uh, you and Max are, like, you know, different.
Isabel: You mean horrible disgusting creatures from outer space who sneak into your room at night and perform excruciating experiments?
(MARIA stares at her in shock, and looks back at the road just in time to hit her breaks before hitting another car)
Maria: (Gasps) Oh my god! Oh my God!
Isabel: Oh my God.
Valenti: Ladies.
***Credits***
(TOPOLSKY is lecturing to the students)
Topolsky: What will the future bring? In ancient times man looked to the heavens to answer this question. Today our methods are a little more scientific, more personal. What will the future bring for you. As the millennium nears all eyes are on you. There are so many opportunities out there for young people today. And I want to help you discover exactly what's right for you. Because the most important ingredient for success is always preparation. You can't become something until you can dream it first. What will the future bring for you?
Maria: Let me just make it easy for her: Tasty Freeze, Denny's, Gas World, Prison.
Voice-Over: Listening to Topolsky I suddenly realized that it wasn't my future I was worried about at all. My future was filled with all kinds of promise, if I could just get through my present.
Topolsky: That's where I come in, getting to know your dreams. So over the next few days you will all be coming in to my office for some interviews. A series of questions which will indicate where your strengths lie. And as you know I'm new here, so most importantly this will give me a chance to find out who you are.
(LIZ and MARIA walking through the halls)
Liz: Okay, so you rear ended Sheriff Valenti, are you okay?
Maria: Yeah it was a love tap, it was nothing, I can handle it.
Liz: Okay, Are you sure?
Maria: Yeah, minor fender bender. Minor damage, and you know what? It probably would have never happened if Miss Isabelle hadn't been messing with my head.
Liz: Wait, why was she playing with your head?
Maria: She was like, deliberately trying to freak me out.
Liz: How?
Maria: Okay, she like, made my air conditioner blow like a hurricane
Liz: Maria. What did you do to make her do that?
Maria: What did I do? Hey look listen, I was there to extend myself. You know, I gave her a lift. Trying to reach out give her that old I come in peace thing. Look, Liz, it like, takes two people to tango. You know? And how can I tango with the girl if she's going around creeping me out.
Liz: Okay Maria, look, I will talk to Max and I will have him talk to Isabelle. But the important thing is for us to stay in control. Okay?
Maria: Hey I am in control. You know, I am like, in control.
(TOPOLSKY is doing interviews)
Topolsky: Why don't you start by telling me what your dream job would be.
Liz's Friend (from geometry): I want to be Brad Pitt's love slave.
Kyle: Uh, Houston Astro's Left field.
Stoner Guy: Lead guitar for Metallica.
Alex: That's an interesting question. Uh, do you always ask it first?
Isabel: Supermodel.
Maria: Like I have any skills.
Liz: Molecular biologist. Or a dream, dream, dream job would be head of molecular biology research at Harvard.
Topolsky: That's fantastic. Now what job do you think you'll actually have in ten years?
Liz's Friend: Cheese factory I guess.
Kyle: Houston Astro's left field
Isabelle: I usually get what I want.
Alex: Excellent follow up question. Very good technique.
Maria: Oh we could all be dead in ten years.
Stoner: Video store. No, wait. Well, Cheese factory.
Liz: Molecular biologist.
Topolsky: All right. Let's play a relationship game. Tell me which character in this picture is most like you, and tell me what they're doing at the park.
Kyle: King of the jungle gym
Isabel: I never really played well with others.
Alex: The kid holding the umbrella for the other kids. Which one are you?
Maria: Can this get any more lame?
Max: Probably the one behind the tree. I was sort of kidding.
Topolsky: No that's interesting. That's a hard place to be. I've been behind the tree myself. In college I barely left my dorm for three years. Then I realized that I had gotten myself into this situation where I wasn't really living. I was just going through the motions, and it was really, really risky to change. To get out there in the world.
Max: But it was worth it.
Topolsky: Yes it was.
Max: Coming out from behind the tree, huh?
Topolsky: Exactly. You start small. You say today I'm going to do one thing to get out there. Nothing big. Just one thing.
Max: What did you do?
Topolsky: Started a conversation with this guy I liked.
(Bell rings. MAX leaves, and you see on TOPOLSKY'S notes about the students, she writes, "has secrets" next to MAX'S name.)
(MAX is hiding around the corner, while LIZ is talking to some friends.)
Liz: Okay sure, so we'll talk about it later. See ya guys later. Bye.
Liz: Hey.
Max: Oh Hey. So how's it going?
Liz: Good it's going good.
Max: Good. That's good. Great
Liz: Okay. Max is everything okay?
Max: Yeah, I just wanted to say hi. Uh. Just, uh, stepping out from behind the tree.
Liz: What tree?
Max: Oh, forget it. Its...
Liz: Uh, Max do you know about the whole Maria/Isabelle thing that's going on?
Max: Yeah, yeah, I heard.
Liz: Well, um I just sorta promised Maria I would mention it. See um, Isabelle kinda makes Maria a little...
Max: Nervous?
Liz: No, no it's not nervous.
Max: Because she sometimes makes people nervous.
Liz: She just said that she did things
Max: Things?
Liz: Yeah, you know, like things to her car. So maybe you could talk to her, so we don't let this situation get out of control?
Max: Right..
Liz: Okay.
Max: Okay.
Liz: You know it kinda seemed like you wanted to say something before.
Max: No
Liz: Okay. Bye Max
(ALIENS are having lunch together.)
Isabel: That girl is just an accident waiting to happen.
Max: Look, Isabelle could you at least t try and make an effort?
Isabel: No.
Max: Think about it. People see movies with aliens. Aliens killing humans. Evil aliens. Green aliens. If you keep acting this way with Maria, she's going to think that's what we are.
Isabel: Exactly. I'm telling you this evil alien thing could work for us in this situation. The way to deal with her is to make her sweat, keep her on her toes. Make her afraid of my shadow, of your shadow, of her shadow, of Michael's shadow. Right Michael?
Michael: Or we could just kill her. Kidding.
Max: Put that key away.
Michael: You want to know, don't you. I mean you got the buck (or something like that). I mean we've got this key, now what does this key open. Admit that you have to know that.
Isabel: Could you stop with the key. The key means nothing.
Michael: If the key means nothing then why did it give me a vision the first time I touched it?
Isabel: Because your brain is warped, just a theory.
Max: What do you think it means? I mean it's a key, where could it possibly lead?
Michael: I'm telling you the government cleaned out the sheriff's station and this is the key he kept from them.. It's got to be something important. Maybe it belongs to the corpse from 1959.
Isabel: Michael you're grasping at straws.
Michael: And I know that, but I say we follow where it takes us. I mean who knows where we'll end up. Maybe home. I mean, Maxwell, we can't let this go. We can't just hide.
Max: I don't know.
(MARIA is talking to people nearby.)
Isabel: One more day before she cracks. Tops.
Max: Just try to find something you have in common with her.
Isabel: Oh please, what could I ever talk to her about?
Max: Try something. Order some fries. Start a conversation.
Isabel: No. It's impossible. She's irrational.
Michael: She's kinda weird.
(TOPOLSKY is continuing her interview with LIZ.)
Topolsky: So you want to be a scientist? Wow. That's exciting.
Liz: Yeah
Topolsky: You seem very sure of yourself.
Liz: Well, you know, the first time I walked into a chemistry lab I just knew. There's this smell. The sulfur smell. I knew I was home.
Topolsky: What makes you think the world of science is right for you? Other than the smell.
Liz: Okay, the world is this incredibly mysterious place, and science is just this way of figuring it out. With science there are answers to everything. Facts. When you're conducting an experiment, you're in control of everything.
Topolsky: So you like to be in control.
Liz: Of course
Topolsky: You make a lot of plans don't you?
Liz: You've got to have a plan.
Topolsky: What about taking life as it comes?
Liz: No.
Topolsky: Sometimes you don't have a choice.
(LIZ is meeting with the Crashdown's employees)
Liz: In response to recent shift confusion I have created this color coated system so that we'll all have a clear plan. Now, like any good plan there is flexibility in it, but the important thing is, is if you need to make a change tell me and I'll make it so that nothing gets out of control. Thank you all for coming in. Any questions?
Employee: Can we go back home now?
Liz: Yeah.
Maria: Nice colors.
Liz: Thanks. Okay.
Maria: You know what? You take the front. I'm going to go do that can inventory that your father talked about.
Liz: Maria!
Maria: She's out there
Liz: Who's out there?
Maria: Queen Amidala!
Liz: Okay, Maria, you've got to calm down here. You've got to control yourself.
Maria: I am in control. I am in control. I'm not in control Liz! Look! Let me just confide here.Okay? I live my life in constant fear of her. Okay! Moment to moment, knowing that each one could by my last. Okay, I'm sorry, it's just...
Liz: No no no no. I get it, but we're just stuck with each other. You know? The five of us. For me, just try and be friendly with Isabelle.
Maria: Okay, sure. Great. All right. Just one big happy family.
Liz: You can do it.
Maria: Hi.
Isabel: Hi.
Maria: So.
Isabel: So. How about some fries
Maria: Fries. That's a great choice. Really.
Isabel: Thanks.
(VALENTI walks in.)
Valenti: Can I get a coke please? You do have coke, don't you?
Maria: Yes, yes, we do. Um.. To go?
Valenti: Sure that would be fine.
Maria: Anything else I can tell you today, Sheriff? Get you today Sheriff?
Anything?
Valenti: Actually I need your insurance information for that fender bender that we had.
Maria: Right.
Valenti: City regulations. (MARIA is visibly uncomfortable) You all right?
Maria: Yes. Totally all right. Happy as a clam
Valenti: I'm here to protect you. From anything. Do you understand?
Liz: Um, you know it's time for that can inventory Maria. Can I ring this up for you Sheriff?
Valenti: Keep the change.
(MARIA is working in the Crashdown alone. It's very busy. MAX walks in.)
A MOTHER: Corey! Corey! Will you stop it with that thing or we're not going to the museum.
Corey: Blast the Alien! (Corey points gun at Max.)
Maria: Liz isn't here, and if she were here, I would kill her.
A MOTHER: Excuse me, but there isn't anything scary in that UFO center is there? I mean, there's nothing real or anything is there?
Max: I've never really been in there, so...
Maria: Of course not, why would you ever think something like that? There's no such thing as aliens, especially anywhere around here.
Corey: That's not what it said on the menu.
A MOTHER: Knock it off!
Maria: Thank you for dining at the Crashdown.
A MOTHER: Lets go, lets go!
Max: Are you okay?
Maria: Of course I'm okay. Don't I seem okay?
Max: Well you just shortchanged her ten bucks.
Maria: Oh my God! Oh my God! I, I can't leave! I'm the only one here!
Max: Take it easy, I'll take it to her.
Maria: Are you sure?
Max: Why not?
Maria: Thank you so much!
True Believer: And so on July 4th 1947, after all the fireworks had been shot off, after all the pie had been eaten, they came. The evidence suggests that they had been studying us for quite some time. To what end we'll never know, but on that fateful night something went terribly wrong, and one, though some say more than one, of their alien crafts crashed onto our planet starting what was to become one of the most elaborate cover-ups mankind has ever known. Right this way. There are eyewitness accounts from people still living in Roswell today of debris found in the desert made of strange metals and inscribed with purple hieroglyphs. There are those who on their deathbeds spoke of being present at alien autopsies, and of the threats made to their lives and the lives of their families if they ever spoke of what they saw. Imagine, ladies and gentlemen, of living with a secret so terrible that you can't even share with your loved ones for fear of their safety. I don't think anyone today is strong enough for that. Now are there any questions before we enter the video theater?
Tourist: I heard that they found some aliens still alive, and that they were tortured into giving us their technology.
(Tour Guide) TRUE BELIEVER: There are many theories son, many theories.
Tourist 2: Did they ever come back again? You know, to rescue the ones in the crash?
(Tour Guide) TRUE BELIEVER: There have been sightings in this area on a regular basis since that night. You decide. Right this way.
Max: What about 1959?
(Tour Guide) TRUE BELIEVER: Who said that? Lets continue with the, uh, documentary portion of our tour. Right this way.
Corey: Blast the aliens!! (Shoots at Max.)
Mother: Corey! Do I need to get a leash!
Max: This is yours. You left it at the café
Mother: Oh. Thank you! Let's go! We're going home. You exhaust me!
(Tour Guide) TRUE BELIEVER: What do you know about 1959?
Max: Is there something to know?
(Tour Guide) TRUE BELIEVER: Come back tomorrow. We can talk more.
Tourist: Hey you're blocking the screen!
(Tour Guide) TRUE BELIEVER: Tomorrow. I have something you may be interested in.
Documentary: The mysteries of what happened to the creatures inside the spacecraft have yet to be unraveled.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(MAX is sitting in his bedroom staring at the stars.)
Isabel: Looking for something?
Max: What if there is someone out there somewhere waiting for us to come home, you know? Another mom and dad? I know we never really talk about this stuff. Do you? Wonder about it at all?
Isabel: Every day.
Max: Well what if we could find out? What if someone had the answers for us? Would you want to know?
Isabel: I think I'd be really scared. What is this about Max? Is this about the key Michael found, because you know we can't do anything about it?
Max: We're always being so cautious, you know? Always watching behind our backs. Never getting too involved, but we're never looking forward either. We're just kinda stuck Isabelle. I'm not sure I want to be stuck anymore.
Isabel: What's making you think about this? The key, or Liz?
Max: I'm not sure.
Isabel: Max we already took a really big risk just telling them, and I don't like where it's headed.
Max: I trust them Isabelle
Isabel: You want to trust them.
Isabel: You know I wish I had somebody I felt that way about. But we can't Max. We can't expose ourselves. I'm going to find out exactly what we're up against.
Max: What do you mean?
Isabel: I'm going to pay Maria a little visit.
Max: What kind of visit?
Isabel: The usual.
Max: You can't just go around walking into people's dreams. Remember when you did it with mom? She wouldn't go back to sleep for a week.
Isabel: Look, it's just to check things out. You know? Preventive measures.
Max: Isabelle...
Isabel: Max just a short visit. Goodnight.
(ISABEL is lying in her room. She touches a yearbook picture of MARIA and falls asleep. Dream sequence.)
Liz: Some people are just pigs.
Maria: Tell me about it. (Monsters are sitting at the counter.) Welcome to the Crashdown. AHHHH!
Liz: What's the matter Maria?
Maria: Look at them!
Liz: What Maria?
Maria: They're repulsive, I mean...
Liz: They look perfectly normal to me.
(ISABEL appears behind MARIA.)
Maria: What are you doing here?
Isabel: I just thought we should talk, and since we can't seem to do it when we're awake, I thought I'd visit you in your dreams.
Maria: What do you mean visit me?
Isabel: I'm not really a part of your dream. I can't change it or anything. I just wanted to see what you were thinking. Interesting.
(MICHAEL is sitting at a table dressed in a tuxedo.)
Maria: When he's dressed like that it makes me feel much less afraid.
Isabel: Afraid of what?
(MICHAEL turns into a monster.)
Maria: AHHHHHH! Help! Sheriff I have to tell you!
Isabel: Tell him what?
Maria: You guys are horrible disgusting creatures from outer space.
Isabel: Is that what you would really do?
Maria: Sheriff! Sheriff Valenti! Sheriff!
(TOPOLSKY is interviewing MAX.)
Topolsky: Are you having problems with anything in your life right now Max?
Max: No, not at all.
Topolsky: Because some adopted kids go through tough times about this age. You know; Identity issues. Things like that..
Max: What does this have to do with my career path again?
Topolsky: If I'm going to help you figure out what you're going to become, maybe we should talk about who you really are. Now, you're an excellent student. Are you thinking of college?
Max: It's a little soon for that.
Topolsky: Two years. You don't think that far ahead?
Max: Not usually.
Topolsky: What about the past Max? What did you want to be when you were five?
(MAX looks uncomfortable.)
Topolsky: You don't remember anything before you were adopted do you?
Max: What does this have to do with my future?
Topolsky: Sometimes it's hard to move forward with your future until you figure out your past.
(MAX goes to the UFO Center to talk to the TRUE BELIEVER.)
Max: Excuse me?
True Believer: It's closing time.
Max: It's Max Evans, from yesterday?
True Believer: Well, I thought you were playing hard to get.
Max: Well, well I had school.
True Believer: All right, cut to the chase kid. Don't tease me. What do you know about 1959?
Max: I thought you had something to show me.
True Believer: Is that the way you want to play? I'm about to show you unmitigated proof that aliens walked this earth. I was that boy next to that alien shadow. That close. Now, what do you know about 1959?
Max: Only that there was a sighting near this ice cream parlor.
True Believer: Damn. I thought you had something. Look, I know that you're hooked. I can see it in your eyes. And I could use a guy like you around here. Minimum wage. Long hard hours. But think of the rewards when we make the discovery of a lifetime. You a non-smoker?
Max: Yeah.
True Believer: Good. I can't take any chances with my archives so close.
Max: Archives?
True Believer: Just the most complete collection of UFO facts and findings ever compiled. Right up those stairs.
Max: You have information on sightings?
True Believer: I know it's a tourist trap cash cow, but every penny I make goes to my research. Everything you've ever wanted to know about extraterrestrial since 1947 waits for you behind that door.
Max: Your archives, are they open to the public?
True Believer: Oh you're hungrier than I thought, and you remind me of myself as a confused, pained adolescent. Ever since then I've spent my entire life searching for aliens. And I swear on my mother's grave that one day I will stand face to face with one of these creatures, and I will say, "I told you so!" Now what about my offer? What do you think?
(ISABEL is eating in the Crashdown, as MARIA'S working.)
Isabel: Some people are just pigs.
Maria: Sheriff! What are you doing here?
Valenti: I enjoyed the coke so much I thought I'd try breakfast. Anything special you'd like to tell me about?
Maria: No.
Valenti: Well the board says you've got corned beef hash.
Maria: Yeah, right. Sorry. Heavenly hash special.
Valenti: Is that what you'd recommend?
Maria: Oh absolutely.
Valenti: You seem to know a lot about what goes on around here, so I'll trust you.
Maria: Right. Uh, one heavenly hash special. To go?
Valenti: No, I think I'll eat it right here this time.
Maria: Ok.
Valenti: Oh, by the way, the insurance company took care of everything. It's good to have a strong, dependable institution like that on your side. How's your neck doing?
Maria: My neck?
Valenti: Yeah, that was quite a hit you took from that car the night of the festival.
Maria: Oh right! That was nothing.
Valenti: You seem to be getting into a lot of accidents lately though. I'll tell you what? Why don't you stop by my office tomorrow, say, about this time, and you and I can talk.
Maria: Okay.
Valenti: Oh, and I'll take that order to go.
Maria: Okay
(MAX and LIZ are working in biology class.)
Biology Teacher: Outside forces. They're very powerful. Nothing in the universe is immune to them. If no man is an island, than no molecule lives in a vacuum. Heat makes them expand, and cold forces them together. They even effect each other.
Max: I'll help you if you help me.
Liz: Ok.
(MAX knocks some books on the floor, and they bend down under the desk to pick them up.)
Max: I know this is all really strange.
Liz: No, no it's not.
Max: And keeping a secret like this is a lot of pressure.
Liz: No, but Max I would never even say anything.
Max: I know, I know. Never on purpose, and I believe that. But what about Maria?
Liz: Maria, no Max, she's completely trustworthy. She's like, um, she's like a fortress. She's the Fort Knox of friends.
Max: So she'll be okay when she goes to see Valenti tomorrow.
Liz: Oh yeah totally. She'll be fine. I'm gonna talk to her about it.
Max: Right, ok. I guess I am a little worried. It's just she seems to be a little uh, high
Liz: I know, high strung. Well, yeah, you see that's what Maria's like on the outside, but on the inside she's like this really, really, um, like, um...
Max: Calm.
Liz: No she's not calm, it's something else, she's like this, on the inside she's more, um, Max, Maria's my best friend in the whole world, and she's going to be fine tomorrow. I'll make sure of it.
Max: Right. It's just, it's important.
Liz: I know it is. You don't need to worry about it. It'll be fine. I promise.
(TOPOLSKY meets with the students again.)
Topolsky: So I'm sure you're eager to hear the results of your computer profile.
Liz's Friend: Writer. Cool. How hard could that be?
Kyle: Law enforcement? This is a joke right?
Alex: Psychologist. Wow. How did you get started in this field?
Stoner: Video store clerk. My dream.
Topolsky: How well do you think you know yourself?
Isabel: Very well.
Topolsky: Then you might be surprised by your computer profile. Now, you said in our first meeting that you wanted to be a supermodel.
Isabel: You work with what you're given.
Topolsky: That's quite a jet set career for someone who puts family first, craves stability and security, and leans towards care giving fields.
Isabel: Well I never trusted computers.
Topolsky: Think about who you are Isabelle, and what's important in your life, and remember, there's nothing wrong with just wanting to be normal.
(LIZ and MARIA are talking at the Crashdown.)
Liz: Okay, you got tapped by the car and you just blacked out. And you don't remember a thing that happened after that. Okay? Pretend that I'm Valenti. What did you see in the parking lot that night?
Maria: Nothing, just headlights.
Liz: Perfect. And, um, and how did you get that handprint on you?
Maria: I don't know I was unconscious.
Liz: Right.
Maria: Wrong, Liz. This is so ludicrous. Look, the sheriff is smart! He's going to find out the truth. And maybe that wouldn't be so bad. He's Kyle's dad. He said he was here to protect us.
Liz: Do you think we need protection from Max and Michael and Isabelle.
Maria: Yes. Maybe. I don't know. I just wish you would stop trying to control the way I feel. I am not you Liz. Look I just, I have to do what I think is right. I gotta go.
(MARIA is waiting for her car at the mechanic's, ISABELLE pulls up and gets out of her mom's car.)
Mrs. Evans: Have a good day. Call me.
Isabelle: Yes.
Mechanic: Fixed the headlight. Popped out the fender. I fixed the leak in your radiator hose. You can pay at the cashier ladies.
(MICHAEL, LIZ, and MAX are hanging out at school waiting for word from MARIA.)
Michael: So what do you mean she was nervous?
Liz: I don't know. She was just, she was like nervous.
Max: Nervous, like, just overexcited nervous?
Michael: Or she's going to crack nervous.
Liz: I'm not sure what she's going to say. I'm really not sure of anything anymore.
Michael: You're not sure. That's great. That's good.
Liz: Max I'm so sorry. I should have never even told Maria in the first place.
Max: Well you did it 'cause you trusted her, and you needed someone to talk to. It was only natural.
Liz: So why did you tell me?
Max: It was only natural.
Liz: What did you mean the other day about the thing about the tree?
Max: Just somebody's advice. Not to get stuck behind it.
Liz: Oh. Well did you take it? That advice?
Max: I think I just did.
(MARIA is sitting in VALENTI'S office.)
Valenti: What are you afraid of Miss DeLuca?
Maria: A lot of things.
Valenti: You know what I think? I think someone is controlling you, controlling you through fear. Am I right? I'm here to help you. You know that don't you? Then tell me what's frightening you so badly. What you saw the night of the crash festival? You were in that parking lot to meet whom?
Maria: Nothing just headlights.
Valenti: Was there someone waiting for you?
Maria: I don't know I was unconscious.
Valenti: Maria. We both know why we're here, right? So what do you say we stop lying to each other? Okay?
Maria: Okay.
Valenti: Now who is Isabelle Evans?
Maria: Um, she's a girl at school.
Valenti: Why does she make you so nervous?
Maria: I'm not nervous.
Valenti: Isabel and her brother Max. How well do you know them?
Maria: Not well, not well at all.
Valenti: You know I think you and I have something in common. I never got to know my father very well either. He was the sheriff around here about forty years ago. Did you know that?
Maria: No.
Valenti: Strong man. Strong hands. And he had this theory, you know? About aliens? That they were real. Sounds awfully silly doesn't it?
Maria: Yeah.
Valenti: That's what everybody thought. But my father, he was a very stubborn man, and he wouldn't let it go. He believed, and he lost his job over it. And he lost his family over it. Now I would hate to see that happen to any other family in this town, wouldn't you? Now that's one more thing that you and I have in common, isn't it? We've both seen things recently. Things that have made us start to wonder, made us question ourselves, our beliefs, and I think that if we share those things with each other, we're both going to feel a little bit safer. Now Isabelle Evans.
She's just a girl?
Maria: She's a special girl.
Valenti: What makes her special?
Maria: Where she comes from.
Valenti: Where is she from? Maria, where are they from? Where did they come from?
Maria: A very nice family. And like you said sheriff we wouldn't want to destroy any other families in this town, would we?
(MARIA is driving along the road, and runs into ISABELLE, whose car has broken down again.)
Isabel: You're alone?
Maria: Do you see the army behind me?
Isabel: You lied.
Maria: Like a rug.
Isabel: Were you scared?
Maria: Understatement, but that's when I realized what it's like being you.
Isabel: You look awful.
Maria: Thanks for saving our butts Maria, oh no problem. So need a ride?
(MICHAEL, MAX, and LIZ are waiting in front of the school. MARIA and ISABEL walk up together.)
Voice-Over: The future was always so clear to me. A straight path towards my goal. I just never counted on there being any intersections. I guess that's what makes life more interesting. Keeping yourself open, letting new people in, changing your mind. | Plan: A: Liz; Q: Who suspects Ms. Topolsky is hiding something? A: Kyle; Q: Who does Liz try to maintain her relationship with despite her deep bond with Max? A: Roswell; Q: Where was Michael obsessed with the idea that there was another alien in 1959? A: the meaning; Q: What does Michael try to decipher of the flashes he sees? A: the new guidance counselor Ms. Topolsky; Q: Who does Liz suspect is hiding something? A: Michael's file; Q: What does Liz see Ms. Topolsky with? Summary: Liz tries to maintain her relationship with Kyle despite her deep bond with Max; Michael is obsessed with the idea that there was another alien in Roswell in 1959 and tries to decipher the meaning of the flashes only he sees. Meanwhile, Liz suspects the new guidance counselor Ms. Topolsky is hiding something, especially when she sees her with Michael's file. |
OPEN AT STARS HOLLOW TOWN CENTER
[Miss Patty is trying to get a group of children to dance around a Maypole. Kirk watches from the side of the gazebo.]
MISS PATTY: No, no, boys. You go clockwise! Clockwise! Can't you tell time?
CHRISSY: The other way, boys! They're not getting it, Miss Patty.
MISS PATTY: Well, the wedding's tomorrow. We gotta get it.
CHRISSY: It's the Banyan boys. They won't do what I tell them.
KIRK: Nice maypole, Patty! Really organized!
MISS PATTY: Oh, shut up, Kirk!
LORELAI: Tough day, Patty?
MISS PATTY: I've worked with Joan Crawford. This is worse.
KIRK: I don't call that a "maypole." I'd call that a "maybe-not pole."
LORELAI: What's with him?
MISS PATTY: He's mad because I made Chrissy my dance captain over him.
LORELAI: Kirk has forty-three jobs.
MISS PATTY: Would you go talk to him, please? I got my hands full here.
LORELAI: The Banyan boys?
MISS PATTY: Oh! Lucifer tired of them in hell and dumped them here.
LORELAI: I'll talk to Kirk.
MISS PATTY: Thank you. All right, Chrissy, let's give it another go!
LORELAI: Hey, Kirk, maybe you want to ease up on Patty a little.
KIRK: But the maypole is an expertise of mine. I re-enacted the dwarf's maypole choreography from "The Safety Dance" video, my junior-high talent show. Chicks were falling at my feet. I'm less than impressed, Patty!
LORELAI: Take a break, please. I've seen Miss Patty get violent. It's not pretty. Remember that time?
KIRK: That's when she beat me up.
LORELAI: Yeah. Let's not repeat that.
KIRK: Okay.
[Jess sits on a nearby bench. He and Lorelai glance at each other as she passes. He looks like he's reading Punk Planet, but inside the magazine he's hiding You're Not Alone, one of the self-help books Luke gave him.]
CUT TO DRAGONFLY INN KITCHEN
JACKSON: They're the best I've got.
SOOKIE: That's sad for you and the whole vegetable industry.
JACKSON: They're the best in the state. I stand by them.
SOOKIE: They're puny. They're tasteless.
JACKSON: Puny? These are not puny.
SOOKIE: If they're small enough to shove up our son's nose, they're too small!
JACKSON: No way could you shove one of these up Davey's nose.
SOOKIE: Bet you five bucks.
JACKSON: Get him in here!
LORELAI: [entering] Hey, guys. You probably shouldn't shove a radish up your son's nose. Just thinking out loud.
SOOKIE: All right, I'll take these if it's all you've got.
JACKSON: Well, don't do me any favors. [leaves]
LORELAI: You two are back big-time.
SOOKIE: That actually felt good. [Chuckles] Like getting a Jack LaLanne workout.
LORELAI: Dead or alive?
SOOKIE: Jack LaLanne? Dead. No -- alive. [Lorelai's phone rings] Oh, now that's gonna bug me.
LORELAI: Hello?
RORY: [walking through Yale campus] There is so much joy around me, I'm gonna hurl.
LORELAI: Hey, what's wrong?
RORY: You should see all the boisterous high-fiving going on all around me. It's sad. It's just really sad. Hey, do you mind, buddy?
LORELAI: Kids are in party mode, huh?
RORY: The kids are clicking their heels like there's no tomorrow. And there is no tomorrow for those who do not have a final on Saturday morning, such as me. I'm pathetic. I should stand between two of them and have them high-five my head from opposite sides and put me out of my misery.
LORELAI: Just one more final to go, then you'll be free.
RORY: Ahh, two more boisterous bozos just rubbing my face in it.
LORELAI: You know, I do have one thing to run by you. Do you have the brain power?
RORY: I think I can swing it.
LORELAI: It involves the "J" word.
RORY: Oh, not more about Jesus. I'm sick of him and Mel Gibson.
LORELAI: Jess.
RORY: Oh, what about him?
LORELAI: He's in town for that wedding and I never know where we stand on the Jessometer. I've been seeing him. I was just wondering if you want me to tell you when I do.
RORY: Sure.
LORELAI: Really?
RORY: Why not?
LORELAI: Okay. It's just always so weird -- this "J"-word topic of ours.
RORY: You don't have to refer to him as "the 'J' word." Call him "Jess," and feel free to tell me when you see him.
LORELAI: Okay.
RORY: I mean, if you see him eight times in one day, you don't need to call me eight different times to tell me. That's clearly overdose.
LORELAI: Sure.
RORY: Maybe, like, you could limit the reports to just significant sightings. If you see him a hundred yards away, disappearing around a corner, I really don't need to know that. If he comes up to you and spits in your face, report that.
LORELAI: Permission to spit back?
RORY: You know what I'm saying.
LORELAI: I know what you're saying. Hey, you know what I should do? Run up, tell him I love him, then run away really fast -- a taste of his own medicine.
RORY: Don't do that! Don't do anything out of the ordinary.
LORELAI: I won't. Honey, I'm kidding. [Gasps]
RORY: What?
LORELAI: There's a horse in the dining room.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Cletus is in the dining room.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: He heard about the terrific continental breakfast? I don't know. I gotta go look into this.
RORY: Okay. Bye.
LORELAI: Cletus, honey!
MICHEL: Lorelai, I need your signature on this, please.
LORELAI: Michel.
MICHEL: Yes?
LORELAI: Do you see the big-nostriled thing next to me here?
MICHEL: The horse?
LORELAI: Uh-huh, the horse.
MICHEL: It's been here for twenty minutes.
LORELAI: Oh. What were you doing about it?
MICHEL: Eh, nothing.
LORELAI: Oh, no, nothing?
MICHEL: It's a giant, smelly horse. I figured someone was already taking care of it.
LORELAI: Oh.
SOOKIE: He's alive!
LORELAI: Who?
SOOKIE: Jack LaLanne. I just googled him. Hi, Cletus.
LORELAI: Oh, so you already saw the horse?
SOOKIE: Yeah. Sure, he's been here, what, twenty, thirty minutes?
MICHEL: About twenty-five.
LORELAI: New Dragonfly Inn rule -- everyone listening? Okay, if you see a horse in the inn or any other large quadruped or biped or anything that's not -- what's the word -- human, figure no one's doing anything about it and do something.
MICHEL: Oh, fine with me.
SOOKIE: Yeah, same here.
MICHEL: If we had the rule before, I would have done something.
LORELAI: Okay. Great. Thanks. Bye. [to Cletus] Come on, troublemaker.
CUT TO YALE DORM
RORY: Hittin' the road, Glenn?
GLENN: Yep, and I got a hot date tonight.
RORY: Who's the lucky girl?
GLENN: I'm getting back together with my girl from back home. Want to see her picture?
RORY: Sure. Glenn, this girl is, like, twelve years old.
GLENN: It's her when she was little. Don't make this into something dirty! She drives and everything.
RORY: Have a good summer, Glenn.
TANA: Oh, Rory, perfect timing. I want you to meet somebody. This is my boyfriend, Chester Fleet.
RORY: Oh, hi, Chester. I've heard a lot about you.
CHESTER: You can't believe everything you hear.
TANA: Oh, it's kind of a weird day to meet him because he lost a bet with me. And that means that for the entire day, he can only talk in clichés. It's so much fun.
RORY: Sounds it.
CHESTER: It's always fun till someone gets hurt.
JANET: Hey, I'm leaving, guys. Rory, you get yourself a funky monkey?
RORY: What?
JANET: Everyone poured all the alcohol they had left into a bowl and that's what's in the cup. Tastes gross, but does the trick.
TANA: I stashed one in the fridge for you. It was poured for me, but I'm not having one.
CHESTER: Lips that touch wine shall never touch mine.
TANA: So much fun!
JANET: Well, I guess this is goodbye. See you, Rory. Have a good one.
RORY: Bye, Janet.
PARIS: Janet, wait, wait! [runs into the room and hugs Janet] I hate that our little clique is breaking up. It's so the end of something.
JANET: You off your meds, Paris?
PARIS: You never get emotional at goodbyes?
JANET: With people I like. See you.
PARIS: Keep in touch.
TANA: So I made a collage of photos of people in the building, and I'm having everyone sign. Will you two do me the honor?
RORY: Sure.
PARIS: I'll honor you.
TANA: Isn't it a great keepsake? There's Janet with her boyfriend and Lana with hers. That's Mark and Stacy -- they're inseparable. And, oh, there's one of you, Rory.
RORY: That's me.
TANA: And, um, Janet and her boyfriend again, and me with Chester.
CHESTER: You're the apple of my eye.
PARIS: That's getting annoying there, Chester.
TANA: And, uh, there you are again, Rory, with...oh, that's a lamppost. Oh, here's a bunch of couples from Valentine's Day. You're not in that one. And here you are with all the cafeteria ladies. I can make you a copy of that, if you'd like.
RORY: That's okay.
PARIS: Rory, you've had quite the dry spell this year.
RORY: I have not had a dry spell.
PARIS: There's not one picture of you with a guy.
TANA: Oh, no. No. There's one. See? That's Rory with the statue of Eli Yale.
PARIS: People are gonna talk.
RORY: I don't care what people say. Are people talking?
PARIS: Not that I've heard. You just don't get out enough.
CHESTER: All work and no play makes Jack...
RORY: Say goodbye before you leave?
TANA: Will do.
[Rory and Paris go into their room.]
RORY: Since when are you someone who defines a girl by whether or not she's with a guy? I mean, you embarrassed me in front of Tana and Chester.
PARIS: Please. They were singing the lumberjack song at the top of their lungs. They're embarrassment-proof. [hands Rory a piece of paper] Here.
RORY: What's this? Leonard Fleming?
PARIS: Asher's son. He's a terrific guy -- good looking, runs a mutual fund, newly divorced, and on the hunt.
RORY: I don't think so.
PARIS: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He is one hot apple, juicy to the core.
RORY: I got it. Nice, hot apple.
PARIS: I just want you to be happy.
RORY: Please, don't feel sorry for me. I'm fine.
PARIS: I don't want you to have a long, dry summer.
RORY: Please stop talking about my love life.
PARIS: Fine. Wish me a merry trip to jolly old England.
RORY: Have a merry trip.
PARIS: And hey, if you call Leonard and one of his kids answers, hang up. They still think Mommy's coming back.
CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES
LORELAI: Oh, hey, Mrs. Kim.
MRS. KIM: Hello, Lorelai. What can I do for you?
LORELAI: Well, do you still have the big door knockers -- metal with the chipped red paint? [Mrs. Kim picks up a door knocker.] You're a magician. Do you know that? Oh, it's great. Isn't it big?
MRS. KIM: And good price, seeing as how it may have belonged to James Madison. It was commonly known that James Madison liked big knockers.
LORELAI: [laughing] I bet a lot of the founding fathers liked big knockers. I'm sorry for laughing. I'd explain if I could.
MRS. KIM: It's a double entendre. I've been in this country 20 years. I get things.
LORELAI: I never doubted.
MRS. KIM: It's ninety dollars.
LORELAI: I'll take it.
MRS. KIM: Here.
LORELAI: What's this?
MRS. KIM: Mail for Lane. I know you go to Luke's, where she works. If you could pass this on to her, I would appreciate it.
LORELAI: Mrs. Kim, hasn't this gone on long enough?
MRS. KIM: Not for you to say.
LORELAI: She's your only child. I know you miss her. She misses you. Call her. See her. Don't avoid her.
MRS. KIM: This is between me and my daughter.
LORELAI: Well, as your mailman, I hereby resign.
MRS. KIM: Fine. It comes to $140.
LORELAI: You said ninety.
MRS. KIM: Wrapping charge.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Liz and her friends sit at one of the tables laughing while Luke works on a plate of turkey legs at the counter.]
CARRIE: And it's not just guys -- girls are not supposed to be monogamous, either. We're homo sapiens, not rocks.
LIZ: That'so unromantic.
WOMAN 1: You can say that. You got lucky.
WOMAN 2: Yeah, T.J. Is yum, yum.
LIZ: I did get lucky, didn't I?
CARRIE: We're animals, and animals in the wild don't mate for life, except, like, tigers, but they're retarded.
LUKE: Hey, Liz.
CARRIE: Men are good for two things. Make that one, and the one thing they're not that good at.
LUKE: Excuse me, sorry to break up the festivities, but do you have any idea if I'm doing this right?
CARRIE: Most guys don't know if they're doing it right.
LIZ: Uh, not my expertise, bro, but they smell good, if that helps.
LUKE: Well, there should have been an instruction book of some kind.
LIZ: I'm so sorry this got dumped on you, but the turkey leg guy knew that going into that bar violated his parole. You can't reason with him.
LUKE: Is this how turkey legs are supposed to look?
CARRIE: I don't know. Take off your pants and let us see.
LUKE: Hey, weren't you guys going to a spa or something?
LIZ: Yeah, we're going, right?
WOMAN 2: In a minute.
JESS: [coming into the room and speaking to Luke] I need to get some batteries. I'll be back.
LIZ: Jess! Jess! Come over here and meet my oldest friends.
LUKE: Watch the one on the left.
JESS: Thanks.
LIZ: Girls, this is Jess.
CARRIE: Hello, handsome.
WOMAN 1 & 2: Hi.
JESS: Hi.
LIZ: He's gonna walk me down the aisle. Is that cool or what?
JESS: It's no big deal.
LIZ: It's a very big deal.
[A man dressed in a delivery uniform opens the diner door.]
LUKE: Can I help you?
MAN: Got a package here.
[Carrie and other women sit up straighter.]
LUKE: From who? I'm not expecting anything.
MAN: It's a very important package.
LUKE: But there's no address on it.
JESS: Have fun.
LUKE: Have fun with what?
MAN: This package is for Liz Danes.
LIZ: Oh, that -- that's me.
MAN: Do you accept delivery?
LIZ: I -- I guess.
[The man starts to strip as the women cheer.]
CARRIE: Shake it, doll, shake it.
LUKE: No, don't shake it in here.
WOMAN 1: Luke, we need change!
WOMAN 2: Turn these twenties into ones!
LIZ: I don't believe this, you rats!
CARRIE: Earn your money for Mama!
CUT TO DOOSE'S MARKET
[Kirk is working the cash register. Jess gets in line behind Dean.]
KIRK: Nail polish remover -- $1.40. Ladies Speed Stick -- $2.60. Good choice on that one. Keeps you dry all day and into the night. Jasmine body lotion -- nice price on that. Might want to get a couple.
DEAN: [to Jess] It's for my wife.
KIRK: And, with your emery boards, it comes to $19.67.
DEAN: Keep the change.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE RESIDENCE
EMILY: I'm so sorry you have a final tomorrow. I thought you'd be free as a bird tonight.
RORY: Them's the breaks.
EMILY: You could have stayed at school and studied if you had to. I hope you know that.
LORELAI: You're playing different music.
EMILY: Hmm?
LORELAI: The music -- it's different. Some chick is singing.
EMILY: It's "Blossom Deary." You don't like it?
LORELAI: No, I like it fine. You've just never played it. You and Dad always play classical music.
EMILY: We just thought we'd try something new tonight.
LORELAI: We?
EMILY: He's out of town, but you know what I mean. We talked about changing the music. So when will you be done with your final tomorrow?
RORY: Around noon, depending on how fast I write.
EMILY: Any friends left behind to keep you company -- girlfriends, boyfriends?
RORY: Well, my roommates are all gone, and I'd say 95% of the class has vamoosed.
EMILY: And you don't have a boyfriend?
RORY: Not really.
LORELAI: Why, do you? [on Emily's look] I'm making a joke.
EMILY: I was just wondering. We haven't talked about your love life in a while. I get to ask sometimes, don't I?
RORY: Um, sure.
LORELAI: Where'd you say Dad was?
RORY: [enunciating] In Philadelphia.
LORELAI: Thanks, Mom. Philadelphia, huh? Funny, you didn't mention that to me when we talked earlier. You just said he wouldn't be here.
EMILY: Well, what do you want, Lorelai? For his secretary to fax you his schedule?
LORELAI: No, I just want to be kept informed.
EMILY: Well, a lot of his schedule these days has to do with Floyd AKA your ex-boyfriend's father. I didn't know how much detail you wanted to hear.
LORELAI: I hear you. Blossom hears you. We're good.
EMILY: So you'll be a free girl around noon?
RORY: Around then.
EMILY: I just wanted to know because I to be thinking about you right at that moment when the weight is lifting off your shoulders.
RORY: I'll be looking forward to it.
EMILY: I'll be right back. I'm going to see if Kiki put the raspberry soufflés in.
LORELAI: Dad hates raspberries.
EMILY: No, he doesn't.
LORELAI: Oh, sorry, thought he did. Sorry.
[Emily leaves.]
RORY: What is going on here?
LORELAI: I'm trying to get her to fess up to the separation.
RORY: No, me! Am I cloaked in loneliness or something? Everybody has been pestering me about my love life this week.
LORELAI: That was not about you. It was about evading my questions. It's a classic Sun Tzu "Art of War" maneuver. If you're being attacked from the east, attack whoever's to your west, and you were the west. I never read the book. It's full of crap like that.
RORY: Well, stop attacking her so she'll stop attacking me.
LORELAI: Well, you butted into my line of inquiry with your, "He's in Philadelphia" stuff. She was about ready to crack.
RORY: She was not ready to crack. She was ready to say, "He's in Philadelphia."
LORELAI: Did he sound like he was in Philadelphia when he called?
RORY: You mean, did I hear guys in the background saying, "Get your Philly cheesesteak here?"
LORELAI: Why aren't you seeing anybody, by the way?
RORY: I'm gonna throw a roll at you.
LORELAI: I just gotta know what's going on with them.
RORY: They're having some sort of marital difficulty, Mom, and pressuring her like this is not going to help.
LORELAI: But I'm dying here. I mean, if he's out of town, is she actually staying here instead of that hotel she checked into? Or is she staying here permanently, and he's the one who's at a hotel? Or --
EMILY: Well, thank God I checked or we would have been soufflé-less.
LORELAI: Well, good, good. Gotta have that soufflé.
EMILY: So, where were we?
RORY: We were all about to switch to new subjects.
EMILY: Oh, okay.
LORELAI: Dad hates chicken Kiev, doesn't he?
CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT
ZACH: Well, who called Groton?
BRIAN: I didn't.
LANE: Me neither.
ZACH: Someone in this room called someone in Groton at 11:37 P.M. on the 16th, and it wasn't me.
LANE: That was the night you had those two trampy girls over, Zach.
ZACH: They weren't trampy.
LANE: I heard one of them call her boyfriend and brag that she had scored some sucker beer.
ZACH: I'll pay for Groton. [Doorbell rings.] Does that doorbell run on electricity? 'Cause that's eating up money, too. We have to tell people to knock.
LANE: [opening the door] Aunt Jun.
JUN: I'm here on your mother's behalf. She would like to visit.
LANE: Here?
JUN: A social call.
LANE: When?
JUN: Here are three times she can come this week. If none are convenient, she will offer three more. If those are not good, she will rescind the offer. Does this sound reasonable?
LANE: Very.
JUN: Fine.
LANE: Is she bringing a Bible?
JUN: She didn't say. Here's your mail.
LANE: Thank you. Would you like to come in?
JUN: No.
CUT TO YALE DORM
[Rory is playing loud music and drinking from a plastic cup as she packs.]
EMILY: Rory?
RORY: Grandma, hi.
EMILY: You busy?
RORY: No, I was just packing and having a little lemonade here.
EMILY: You're done with your final, right?
RORY: Yes. What are you doing here?
EMILY: Well, I had lunch today on campus with a friend -- Cassie Sullivan. She's with the alumni committee. Didn't I mention it last night?
RORY: Not that I remember.
EMILY: Anyway, she has a son who's a freshman also -- Graham Sullivan. You haven't met him?
RORY: I don't think so.
EMILY: Would you like to?
RORY: Sure.
EMILY: Is now okay?
RORY: Now?
EMILY: Graham! [Graham comes into the room.] Graham, this is Rory. Rory, Graham. Graham's family and ours go way back. I remember this young man in diapers. He's one of the poor unfortunates who had a Saturday final, too.
GRAHAM: Chemistry.
RORY: Philosophy.
EMILY: I meant to introduce the two of you ages ago. I hate that it's last minute like this. I feel awful.
RORY: Oh, that's okay. Don't feel bad.
GRAHAM: [whispering to Rory] Alcohol on your breath.
EMILY: Graham mentioned that he and his group were going out tonight to celebrate. What did you call them -- "the Saturday orphans"?
GRAHAM: Yes, I did.
EMILY: And he thought you might like to go.
GRAHAM: Yeah.
EMILY: Would you...like to go?
RORY: Um...sure.
EMILY: Wonderful!
GRAHAM: I actually tried to get your grandmother to go, too, but she made up some dumb excuse.
EMILY: You're something else, you know that? Well, I feel good about this. My orphan is an orphan no more. I'll go now. Bye, Rory.
RORY: [mumbling as she turns her head so that Emily won't smell her breath as they hug] Bye, grandma.
GRAHAM: Okay, well, lesson number one -- when your mom or your grandmother starts trying to pin down your specific whereabouts at a specific time and place, and she's smiling kind of weird, begin evasive maneuvers immediately.
RORY: Got caught in that one myself.
GRAHAM: And lesson number two -- never, ever let anybody outside of your family see you in diapers.
RORY: You were young...I hope. [Graham starts helping Rory pack.] Oh, you don't have to do that.
GRAHAM: Oh, I just taped up eight of my own boxes. I'm a box-taping machine. Use me.
RORY: Oh, thank you.
GRAHAM: So, uh, the plans for tonight -- they're pretty casual. There'll be about ten of us. You're totally welcome to come.
RORY: I was just gonna go home, but, I don't know, maybe.
GRAHAM: We're gonna get some food, hang out. I'll leave you my cell phone number. You got a piece of paper?
RORY: Um...yeah.
GRAHAM: Great. [reads the paper] Leonard Fleming.
RORY: Ignore that.
GRAHAM: Maybe I'll see you later.
RORY: Yeah.
GRAHAM: Enjoy your lemonade.
CUT TO LUKE'S APARTMENT
[Luke and Jess are dressing for Liz's wedding.]
LUKE: What is wrong with this shoe polish?
JESS: Pontius Pilate was alive when you bought it?
LUKE: Shoe polish goes bad?
JESS: It's all chunky.
LUKE: Aah, it messed up my shoes.
JESS: Just wipe them off. They'll be fine.
T.J.: [coming out of the bathroom] Don't you have a full-length mirror?
LUKE: Don't need one.
T.J.: You don't like looking at your bottom half? I love looking at my bottom half.
LUKE: I look down to look at my bottom half. I don't need a mirror to do that.
T.J.: You seem nervous.
LUKE: I'm not nervous.
T.J.: I don't see why you would be. I'm the one getting shackled today. Looks like old polish.
LUKE: Yep.
T.J.: The Queer Eye guys are very against old polish.
LUKE: Ohh.
T.J.: [to Jess] He's very nervous.
LUKE: I'm not nervous.
JESS: Maybe it's time you put a shirt on.
T.J.: Why, am I getting you hot?
JESS: I need the bathroom.
LUKE: Just hold on.
T.J.: I am lovin' these tights. They're fantastic. They lend support everywhere you need it, but they breathe.
JESS: [to Luke, who is trying to choose a tie] This one.
LUKE: Thanks.
T.J.: Hey, Luke, I had to borrow your deodorant. I hope that's okay.
LUKE: Ohh.
JESS: Allow me. [throws it into the trash can]
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW STREET
[Luke is standing outside his diner when Lorelai walks up to him.]
LORELAI: Greetings, my lord. Your lady hath arrived to be escorted forthwith.
LUKE: That's pretty good. I didn't know you spoke Renaissance.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah. I'm quite fluent in Renaissance. You look nice. I'm lovin' the tie.
LUKE: Thanks. You look beautiful.
LORELAI: Flattery will get you everywhere, my friend. Shall we?
LUKE: Let's go.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW TOWN CENTER
LORELAI: No, really, a nice, manly wreath in your hair wouldn't work?
LUKE: There's no such thing as a manly wreath.
LORELAI: Oh, I don't know. Julius Caesar pulled it off. He was very popular with the ladies. Cleopatra used to pull his leaves off -- very sexy.
T.J.'S BROTHER: What's this? Surely these be time travelers from the future in such foreign, mystical garb.
LORELAI: And who be you, kind sir?
T.J.'S BROTHER: T.J.'s brother. I got a patio furniture store down in Nutley. Plastic, metal, teak -- whatever you need, I can hook you up.
LORELAI: Okay, thank you.
LUKE: Just do me a favor. I'm gonna try to keep a happy, proud look on my face to cover the smirking and about-to-laugh-my-ass-off face just underneath. Help me achieve this.
LORELAI: Oh, come on. They have a community of people, friends, you know, who travel together, engage in silliness, dress in costume. I think it's nice.
CARRIE: Hi, Lucas.
LUKE: Oh! Hi, Carrie.
CARRIE: Is that a power suit?
LUKE: It's my only suit.
CARRIE: Looks pretty powerful to me. So, um, Barry stayed home.
LUKE: Who?
CARRIE: The ball and chain. I'm flying solo tonight. Save a dance for me?
LUKE: Uh, I don't dance.
CARRIE: You will dance.
LORELAI: Hey, how 'bout we work on him together? I think there's a hoofer buried deep inside there, don't you?
CARRIE: I guess.
LUKE: Carrie, this is Lorelai.
CARRIE: I know. Hi.
LORELAI: Hi.
CARRIE: So, um, there's gonna be a little delay. Liz ripped her dress, and it's gonna take a while to fix it. I'm supposed to spread the message.
LUKE: Well spread it, Car -- the message, the message. [Carrie walks away.] She makes me very uncomfortable.
LORELAI: Poor Liz. Does she know how to fix something like that?
LUKE: She was never one for household skills.
LORELAI: I'm gonna go see. She's at Miss Patty's?
LUKE: Don't leave me alone.
LORELAI: Carrie found the guy with the codpiece. That will keep her occupied.
LUKE: Hurry back.
CUT TO MISS PATTY'S
LORELAI: Hey.
MISS PATTY: Oh, Lorelai, thank heavens. I'm so bad with wardrobe.
LIZ: I ripped it getting up. I'm such a klutz.
LORELAI: Oh, well, that's why I'm here. Patty, you have a sewing kit?
MISS PATTY: Oh, yeah. Right here, sweetie.
LIZ: I'm holding everyone up.
LORELAI: No, no. Hey, today's your day. If anyone gets to hold things up, it's you. Relax.
LIZ: Ohh, I'm nervous. Do I look nervous? I sound nervous.
LORELAI: You look great. It's normal to be nervous on your wedding day.
LIZ: This is my first wedding of mine that I've ever been sober for. I'm probably gonna remember this one.
MISS PATTY: The ones that you remember are the ones that stick.
LIZ: What was your wedding like? Were you this nervous?
LORELAI: Never been married.
LIZ: You got a kid.
LORELAI: Found a way around that.
LIZ: I see. You want to get married?
LORELAI: Oh, now, Liz. It's inappropriate for you to propose to me on your wedding day.
LIZ: But do you want to get married? You must want to get married.
LORELAI: I guess so, you know, if I meet the right guy.
LIZ: I hate being single. Ever think, if you got married today or even in the next few years, you could be married for fifty years -- for most of your life. Same with me and T.J. I could be married most of my life to him. Isn't that weird to think about?
LORELAI: I could be married for most of my life.
LIZ: I don't want to screw up this marriage even more than I want some pot. That's how serious I am.
LORELAI: Hm.
JESS: [Jess knocks on the door as he walks in.] Are you ready? The crowd's getting restless.
LIZ: You're getting restless. Hey, do you two know each other?
LORELAI:Oh, Jess and I go way back. He dated my daughter.
LIZ: Oh, you broke her daughter's heart?
JESS: Ah, I, uh...
LORELAI: No, no, he didn't. It just didn't work out.
LIZ: Good, 'cause I don't want him to be like his father, breaking hearts. I want him to be like T.J. Or my second husband or, like my boyfriend after my third husband, who died. They were good guys.
LORELAI: Oh. You're all done.
LIZ: Oh, it's perfect!
MISS PATTY: Oh, she's a miracle worker.
JESS: I'm gonna go tell the others.
LIZ: Thanks, hon! [to Lorelai] And thank you. You're gonna make a great wife some day and a great sister-in-law to some very lucky girl.
LORELAI: Well, I hope so.
LIZ: Now, go on, Luke's waiting. Unless my friend Carrie suffocated him with her boobs.
LORELAI: Well, that would be festive. Here, Patty.
MISS PATTY: Let's check your hair real quick, sweetie.
LIZ: Oh, okay.
[Lorelai starts to leave, then stops to look in Jess' open bag on the table. She sees a book titled You Deserve Love inside.]
MISS PATTY: You look absolutely beautiful.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW TOWN CENTER
LUKE: Everything okay?
LORELAI: Crisis averted.
[The band starts to play.]
LUKE: Must be starting.
LORELAI: Think they know any Zeppelin? [Two women dance down the aisle tossing roses.] Ooh, roses -- nice.
LUKE: Does she remind you of someone?
LORELAI: Can you say Leslie Van Houten? [A jester tumbles down the aisle.] Now, that's impressive.
LUKE: Yeah.
T.J.: These tights, I'm telling you -- the best. I'm happy, my boys are happy, and they don't ride up. [lifts his arms] Hey...still dry. Thanks, buddy.
LORELAI: You dried his armpits?
LUKE: I don't want to talk about it.
[Two men push a cart, with Liz seated on it, up to the entrance.]
LORELAI: Oh, I want one of those. She looks happy.
LUKE: Yeah, she does.
T.J.: She looks hot.
T.J.'S BROTHER: Smokin'.
T.J.: Don't you say that.
[Jess walks Liz down the aisle then takes a seat in front of Luke and Lorelai.]
LORELAI: [whispering] Where's the minister?
MINISTER: [strolls into the gazebo singing and strumming a guitar] As kids we shared our toys/with all the girls and boys/barrel of monkeys/your battleship sunk me/please recall the joy/Wheelo, Clue, Mousetrap/bash and spirograph/kaleidoscopes spinning/Yahtzee I'm winning/think of how we laughed/but today we share our love/today we share our love/for love is the greatest toy around/around, around
LUKE: [trying not to laugh] Help.
LORELAI: Think of something not funny.
LUKE: Can't.
MINISTER: You may plant the ceremonial sword.
[Together, Liz and T.J. plunge a sword into a tree stump.]
LORELAI: Avalanches, earthquakes...
LUKE: Not doin' it.
LORELAI: Famine...and I'm out.
MINISTER: Hello, friends. Isn't it a beautiful day? The day that Liz and T.J. share their love in front of those they love. Liz, do you want to tell T.J. how you feel?
LIZ: Yes. T.J.
T.J.: Yeah?
LIZ: My heart just pours out to you. You have been so good to me and for me. I don't know where I'd be without you. I'd be worse off, I know that. [ Sighs ] You're something else.
MINISTER: Nice. T.J.
T.J.: Well, I wrote something down, but, for all the good points about tights -- and there are a lot -- they don't have pockets. So I gotta go off the cuff. I love ya. [They kiss and hug.]
LORELAI: Aw, that wasn't so funny.
LUKE: Nah, that wasn't funny at all.
CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT
[The doorbell rings.]
LANE: [nervously] Hi, Mama.
MRS. KIM: Hello, Lane. Thank you for having me.
LANE: You find the place okay?
MRS. KIM: Yes. Here. Multi-grain soy pudding. Extra chunky, the way you like it.
LANE: I bet we'll all like it.
MRS. KIM: We?
LANE: Come in, Mama. Mama, these are my roommates -- Zach and Brian.
ZACH: Hello, Mrs. Kim.
BRIAN: Welcome.
LANE: There's no way I could afford a place on my own, so we live together. We share all the expenses and a bathroom. That's unfortunate, but we're starving artists, Mama. These are my bandmates. Zach, would you make us some tea?
ZACH: I'd be delighted.
BRIAN: I'll get the cups.
LANE: How about a tour? This is the living room, obviously. That's where Zach and Brian sleep.
ZACH: A solid eight hours every night.
LANE: This is my room. Window's broken but the landlord's on it. Kitchen, refrigerator...
ZACH: Would you like to pick a tea? We have a whole selection.
BRIAN: Lapsang oolong, orange pekoe, Sleepy Time?
[Mrs. Kim looks panicked. She turns and runs out the door.]
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW TOWN CENTER - NIGHT
WOMAN: Harry, they've got turkey legs!
LORELAI: I was born four hundred years too late. I mean, this food is amazing.
LUKE: Here's a couple seats.
LORELAI: Okay.
[Mrs. Kim runs up to them.]
MRS. KIM: There were boys.
LORELAI: What? Where?
MRS. KIM: At Lane's -- two boys -- one with hair.
LORELAI: O-o-okay, you went to Lane's?
MRS. KIM: And the place -- broken furniture and dirt and boys and a broken window and boys --
LORELAI: Slow down.
MRS. KIM: -- and a tiny fridge and guitars and boys.
LORELAI: How many boys where there?
MRS. KIM: Two boys.
LORELAI: Two boys.
MRS. KIM: She stood in that room with two boys. I didn't stand alone in a room with two boys until I was -- I've never done that.
LORELAI: Mrs. Kim, you know why the boys were there.
MRS. KIM: She's dirty.
LORELAI: She's not dirty. She was trying to be up front with you, and that's good. She could have hid them from you, and she didn't.
MRS. KIM: I wish she did.
LORELAI: No, you don't. I've met those boys. They're innocent. As innocent as if she was living with two girls. So think of them that way.
MRS. KIM: What way?
LORELAI: Think of them as girls.
MRS. KIM: Girls?
LORELAI: Girls.
MRS. KIM: I don't like girls either.
LORELAI: Well, you like them better than boys.
MRS. KIM: True.
LORELAI: And Lane is trying so hard.
MRS. KIM: Girls.
LORELAI: Yeah, think of them as two tall, gawky, caring, sometimes unwashed girls who are watching out for your daughter's safety.
MRS. KIM: Girls. Girls. [walks away]
LUKE: Is she okay?
LORELAI: Um, she will be. She'll be okay. Ooh, hey, look. Jess made a friend.
MAN: People think prison's a waste of time, but prison's the best thing that ever happened to me.
JESS: Interesting.
MAN: Picked up skills -- metal working, laundry -- that's a skill. Doing laundry for 600 guys -- no piece of cake.
JESS: Great.
MAN: Added fabric softener for cigarettes.
LORELAI: Career guidance?
LUKE: He's doing better. He's gonna be okay.
T.J.: It's like a marketing thing. Don't call 'em "tights." You guys don't want to wear "tights." Call 'em "air pants." Here's your slogan -- "air pants -- the pants that breathe." I'm telling you, we gotta get in on the ground floor of this.
LIZ: There they are -- my two heroes. You saved the wedding.
LORELAI: I saved nothing.
LIZ: And you're always my hero, my big brother.
LUKE: Congratulations, sis.
LIZ: Wasn't Jess great? It made all the difference.
T.J.: It wasn't like it was a hard thing to do, but he did it good.
LIZ: [to Jess] Hey, hey, hey! You say "goodbye" before you leave.
JESS: I'm just going to get more food.
LIZ: You promise?
JESS: I promise.
T.J.: Come on, let's get some chow.
LIZ: Okay. Bye, guys.
LORELAI: Oh, she's so happy.
LUKE: Yeah, and he really loves tights.
LORELAI: Oh, you want to know something weird?
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: When I was at Miss Patty's, Jess was there. And he had his backpack, and it was open, and I saw this book. I thought I was seeing things.
LUKE: A book?
LORELAI: Yes. It was a self-help book with some goofy title like, "Learn to Love" or "How to Love When You're Unloved" or something like that. [Luke forces a laugh.] Isn't that bizarre?
LUKE: I don't know.
LORELAI: Well, I'll answer for you. It is bizarre.
LUKE: Maybe he's just trying to learn something, better himself.
LORELAI: Have you seen this book?
LUKE: I know nothing about this book.
LORELAI: Those kinds of books are idiotic.
LUKE: Not if they help people.
LORELAI: I can't believe you're not mocking this book, which is so pathetically mockable.
LUKE: Maybe it's more pathetic if people don't try. And maybe he's trying. You ever think of that?
LORELAI: No, but --
LUKE: He can read whatever he wants to read. I forgot to get something to drink. You need something to drink?
LORELAI: I'm fine.
CUT TO BAR
[Graham is sitting at the bar with his friends. Rory sits alone at a table.]
JONAH: No way! No way! Duke is gonna dominate the ACC Again.
GRAHAM: No way.
JONAH: Williams? Redick? Graham, Redick has a 96% free-throw average. It's a done deal.
GRAHAM: Carolina is coming back -- no question.
JONAH: Question. Question.
GRAHAM: What is that? Your patented 5-beer comeback?
JONAH: Seven free throws, man. All season -- seven. That's it.
GRAHAM: [going over to Rory] You're not drinking.
RORY: I'm fine.
GRAHAM: So you only drink alone?
RORY: Pardon me?
GRAHAM: The lemonade?
RORY: That was just a roommate thing. I don't usually drink.
GRAHAM: Oh...pity.
[Graham's friends laugh. Everyone is having a good time except Rory.]
RORY: You want to get back to your group?
GRAHAM: Not if it's suddenly gonna get exciting over here.
RORY: I wouldn't count on it.
GRAHAM: You have got to lighten up.
RORY: Gee, that's one of my favorite phrases.
[Glass shatters.]
GRAHAM: That's a sign, boys.
JONAH: Mucky duck?
GRAHAM: Mucky duck! [to Rory] Let's go.
RORY: We just got here.
GRAHAM: Well, what's a pub crawl without the crawl?
JONAH: Who's got my keys?
RORY: He's driving?
GRAHAM: He's one of the best drunk drivers in Connecticut.
JONAH: Top fifty, easy.
GRAHAM: You ready?
RORY: Actually, I just think I'm gonna take off.
GRAHAM: What?
RORY: Yeah, I'm kind of tired.
GRAHAM: Rory!
RORY: Thanks for everything.
GRAHAM: Well, do you want me to drive you home?
RORY: We came here with Jonah.
GRAHAM: Right. Well, you need money for a cab?
RORY: I got money.
GRAHAM: I feel kind of bad.
RORY: Don't.
GRAHAM: Okay. See you later.
RORY: Bye. [under her breath] Putz. [to a passing waitress] Excuse me, is there an ATM here?
WAITRESS: A few blocks down. I wouldn't walk, though. It gets dicey at night.
[Rory sighs and pulls out her cell phone.]
RORY: Hi, it's me. I'm kind of stuck and I -- well, I didn't know who else to call.
CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT
[Zach and Brian are playing video games.]
ZACH: Okay, it looks like Brian's paying for call waiting for the next two months.
BRIAN: It's not over till it's over.
[Doorbell rings.]
ZACH: Lane, door! I'll throw in my share of next month's gas bill, I'm that confident.
BRIAN: You're gonna eat your confidence.
LANE: [opening the door] Mama.
MRS. KIM: I'm back.
ZACH: Pause it, pause it, pause it.
LANE: Come in.
MRS. KIM: This, we'll clean up. Window will be fixed. Temporary fridge. You two are girls. I'll have tea now.
ZACH: I'll boil water.
BRIAN: I'll bring you our selection.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW TOWN CENTER
[Kirk is acting as DJ.]
KIRK: Hope ye took much pleasure in Kajagoogoo. Methinks Oingo Boingo wilst soon makest an appearance. But first, please clear the floor for our happy couple...eth.
[Liz and T.J. start to dance. Lorelai walks past them on her way over to Luke.]
LUKE: [to court jester] Yeah, I'd love to see you juggle sometime. I'm a big fan of juggling. [to Lorelai] He, uh -- he juggles for money.
LORELAI: You okay?
LUKE: Yeah, yeah.
LORELAI: We okay?
LUKE: Yeah, I-I-I didn't mean to get so defensive.
LORELAI: I didn't mean to make fun of Jess and what he was reading. Maybe it's good that he had it. You know, maybe -- he's trying.
LUKE: It's okay. I mean, that book does sound pretty dorky.
KIRK: Liz and T.J. wouldst enjoy others to join them in their modest wriggles.
LORELAI: Oh, hey, so your food's probably cold. You want to go get some more?
LUKE: Sure, or we can...you know.
LORELAI: We can...do what?
LUKE: You want to dance?
LORELAI: Really?
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Um, you said before you don't dance.
LUKE: Well, I'm a compulsive liar.
LORELAI: Um, okay, yeah, let's dance.
[They walk over to the dance floor and join the other dancing couples.]
CUT TO BAR
[Dean hesitates at the door, looking around.]
RORY: Dean.
DEAN: Hey.
RORY: Oh, thank God, a friendly face.
DEAN: What happened here?
RORY: Oh, I feel so stupid. I was on this date.
DEAN: Oh, yeah?
RORY: It was a boy that Grandma saw in diapers. And she brought him over, and I tagged along on this stupid outing tonight.
DEAN: He was in diapers?
RORY: No, she knew him when he was a little kid. So it was this whole big group of people, and they were all drinking in the car, smoking. And I just thought, "These are, maybe, the last people on earth that I would want to die in a car crash with."
DEAN: Well, I'm glad you cut it short.
RORY: Poor Grandma. It's not her fault. She was just thinking I was lonely, and diaper boy was nice and doing her matchmaker thing. Did I say that I feel stupid?
DEAN: No, that's okay. It's cool.
RORY: And hungry. I haven't eaten since breakfast.
DEAN: Well, then, let's eat.
RORY: I have no money.
DEAN: I've got money.
RORY: [to waitress] Excuse me, we'd like to order.
WAITRESS: These are your menus right here.
RORY: Oh, duh, sorry.
WAITRESS: This going on your tab?
RORY: What?
WAITRESS: That card at the counter? It's still open.
RORY: Put your wallet away, and I hope you're hungry.
DEAN: I can eat.
RORY: We will start with the sampler appetizer platter...
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW STREET
[Luke is walking Lorelai home.]
LORELAI: This was fun.
LUKE: Yeah, it was.
LORELAI: So, hard to figure out which part of the evening was my favorite.
LUKE: There were a few.
LORELAI: Uh, T.J. throwing his tights at the bachelors instead of Liz's garter? You ducked well, by the way.
LUKE: Pure self-defense.
LORELAI: Ooh, the choking guy being Heimliched by the court jester?
LUKE: That was good.
LORELAI: Or -- or, um, the minister making out with crazy Carrie? T.J.'s brother making out with crazy Carrie? Or that last guy making out with crazy Carrie? Who was that guy?
LUKE: I think that was her husband.
LORELAI: Poor Barry! [ Laughs ] And it might be the dance.
LUKE: Really?
LORELAI: Have you been taking lessons?
LUKE: That was all God-given talent.
LORELAI: It was fun.
LUKE: Yeah, it was.
LORELAI: Well, good night.
LUKE: We should do it again.
LORELAI: What, you got another wedding coming up?
LUKE: Nah, I meant have fun. You know, like a movie or something.
LORELAI: I didn't think you were a movie guy.
LUKE: I can be a movie guy. You like movies.
LORELAI: Yeah -- good, bad, and in-between.
LUKE: How 'bout next week? Sunday?
LORELAI: Sunday?
LUKE: Sunday -- you free?
LORELAI: I-I think so.
LUKE: Okay, good. Good.
LORELAI: Good. Good.
LUKE: I'll see you...before then, but I'll see you then, too.
LORELAI: Yeah, I'll see you both of those thens.
[Lorelai stares after Luke as he walks away.]
CUT TO LUKE'S APARTMENT
[Luke walks in. Jess has his jacket on and is carrying a bag.]
LUKE: Oh, hey. You leaving?
JESS: Just hanging around, see if I'd catch you.
LUKE: Good, I'm glad you did. You can stay a couple more days, if you want. There's no rush.
JESS: Gotta get back to work.
LUKE: Right, right. Did you say "goodbye" to your mom?
JESS: Yeah, we're good. I gave her a cellphone number that's pretty permanent. Just got it. Left it for you on the fridge.
LUKE: Good.
JESS: I want to pay you back... all the money.
LUKE: You don't have to.
JESS: I want to. And I appreciate it...everything -- the money, living here.
LUKE: Well, it's good to hear, but I kind of knew that.
JESS: Yeah, but, in a relationship -- any relationship -- it's important to let the other person know you appreciate them so you don't create barriers that delay any hope for reciprocation.
LUKE: I think I read that somewhere.
JESS: Yeah?
LUKE: You're hoping for reciprocation? You got it. I'm here, Jess. I'm always here.
JESS: Thanks. [They shake hands then hug.] The tie work out?
LUKE: The tie was perfect.
CUT TO YALE
[Dean walks through the Yale campus Rory to her dorm.]
RORY: It's only hitting me now. My classes are done -- done. I don't have to think about Chaucer or Euclid or Kafka or Machiavelli for months. I can just think about Jane magazine and why did Uma wear that dress -- fun stuff like that.
DEAN: You'll still think about Kafka...and probably Chaucer.
RORY: Probably. But those other two bozos are history. You hear me? History! See in there?
DEAN: Yeah.
RORY: First semester poli sci.
DEAN: Which was your seat?
RORY: Oh, we didn't have assigned seats, but I usually sat with my back to the window so I wouldn't get distracted.
DEAN: This campus is huge.
RORY: And you're seeing it at a weird time 'cause we're probably the last two people left.
[They enter Rory's dorm.]
DEAN: Man, it's good to get out. It's good to laugh. I laughed tonight. You're funny.
RORY: I can be funny.
DEAN: That's what I just said.
RORY: Yeah, but you said it like I never am.
DEAN: You -- you're funny.
RORY: Yeah? Well, this is my room.
DEAN: I know.
RORY: Oh, right, you've been here before.
DEAN: Yeah.
RORY: Well, thanks for saving me.
DEAN: Yeah, anytime.
RORY: [uncertainly] Dean, how is it that you can be out like this, here, with me, or with anyone, for that matter? Where does Lindsay think you are?
DEAN: She thinks I'm out.
RORY: Out where?
DEAN: Doesn't matter.
RORY: What's going on with you? [The door to the building opens and Jess walks in.] What are you doing here?
JESS: I need to talk to you.
DEAN: Jess...
JESS: I need to talk to you.
DEAN: What's going on?
RORY: What are you doing here?
JESS: Rory, please.
DEAN: Rory?
RORY: [to Dean] Go -- go home.
DEAN: No.
RORY: Yes, go. You should go. [Dean leaves.] Why won't you leave me alone? You won't go away.
JESS: Rory.
RORY: What do you want?
JESS: I don't know. I just wanted to see you, talk to you. I just...
RORY: What?
JESS: Come with me.
RORY: What?
JESS: Come with me.
RORY: Where?
JESS: I don't know...away!
RORY: Are you crazy?
JESS: Probably. Do it. Come with me. Don't think about it.
RORY: I can't do that. [opens the door and walks into her room]
JESS: You don't think you can do it but you can. You can do whatever you want.
RORY: It's not what I want.
JESS: It is. I know you.
RORY: You don't know me!
JESS: Look, we'll go to New York. We'll work, we'll live together, we'll be together. It's what I want. It's what you want, too.
RORY: No!
JESS: I want to be with you, but not here. Not this place, not Stars Hollow. We have to start new.
RORY: There's nothing to start!
JESS: You're packed. Your stuff is all in boxes. It's perfect. You're ready. And I'm ready. I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I know you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can.
RORY: No!
JESS: Look, you know we're supposed to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you two years ago, and you know it, too. I know you do.
RORY: No, no, no, no, no!
JESS: Don't say "no" just to make me stop talking or make me go away. Only say "no" if you really don't want to be with me.
RORY: No!
[Jess backs away and leaves. Rory sits down on a box and puts her head in her hands.] | Plan: A: Stars Hollow; Q: Where is Liz and T.J. getting married? A: the Renaissance-themed wedding; Q: What is Liz and T.J. getting ready for? A: T.J.; Q: Who discovers the drawback of tights during the wedding ceremony? A: Kirk; Q: Who feels slighted when Miss Patty chooses someone else as the maypole dance captain? A: the Dragonfly Inn's lobby; Q: Where does Lorelai find an equine visitor? A: Rory; Q: Who tells Jess it's over between them when he asks her to go away with him? A: summer vacation; Q: What do Rory's suite mates depart for? A: Emily; Q: Who arranged a disastrous date for Rory? A: Friday night dinner; Q: When does Lorelai try to get Emily to admit to the separation? A: the wonders; Q: What does T.J. revel in about tights? A: their main drawback; Q: What does T.J. discover about tights during the wedding ceremony? A: Zach and Brian and Lane's shabby apartment; Q: What did Mrs. Kim flee in horror at the sight of? A: Zach; Q: Who is the son of Lane and Brian? A: tea; Q: What does Mrs. Kim return to after her initial flight? A: a game plan; Q: What does Mrs. Kim return with after fleeing the apartment? A: Dean; Q: Who does Rory call to save her from a disastrous date? A: significant glances; Q: What did Luke and Lorelai share during a slow dance at the wedding? A: a date; Q: What does Luke ask Lorelai out on? A: his gratitude; Q: What does Jess express to Luke before saying goodbye? Summary: As Stars Hollow prepares for the Renaissance-themed wedding of Liz and T.J., Kirk feels slighted when Miss Patty chooses someone else as the maypole dance captain; Lorelai discovers an equine visitor in the Dragonfly Inn's lobby; Rory's suite mates depart for summer vacation; Lorelai urges Mrs. Kim to call Lane; Lorelai unsuccessfully attempts to get Emily to admit to the separation during Friday night dinner; T.J. revels in the wonders of tights, but discovers their main drawback during the ceremony; Mrs. Kim gets some good advice from Lorelai after initially fleeing in horror at the sight of Zach and Brian and Lane's shabby apartment, and eventually returns for tea armed with a game plan; Rory calls Dean to rescue her from the disastrous date Emily has arranged for her with the son of a friend; Luke and Lorelai share significant glances during a slow dance at the wedding, which prompts Luke to ask Lorelai out on a date; Jess expresses his gratitude to Luke before saying goodbye; Rory tells Jess it's over between them when he asks her to go away with him. |
[Scene: Brecher's Apartment. Pacey is staying here. Jack is sitting at the table studying while Pacey is walking around from one room to another.]
Pacey: You're still studying?
Jack: You sound surprised. Well, it's just... it's just that you half expected to see me lying on the ground with a beer bong dangling out of my throat, right?
Pacey: Well, forgive the momentary lack of faith, but you were recently seen attempting flight.
Jack: Yeah, well, there's nothin' like gettin' pulled out of a swimming pool face down to make a guy seriously consider changing his ways.
Pacey: Yeah. Your recent exploits at spring break do qualify you for official rock bottom.
Jack: Yeah. Well, now all I have to do is learn an entire semester of advanced multivariable calculus in the next 18 hours so that I can pass this exam, stay in school, and have back that elusive entity we call "a life."
Pacey: Well, I'm gonna be at work all night, so you're more than welcome to stay here and study as long as you like.
Jack: Nah. Thanks, but I think it's ok to get back to Grams'. She and Mr. Smalls have to be done practicing choir by now.
Pacey: You don't really believe that they asked you to leave so that they could rehearse Jesus loves me in private, do you?
Jack: Please, just don't try and take that--that myth away from me, all right? There are some things that, uh, we just don't need to know about. See ya.
[Jack goes to leave. Opens the door]
Pacey: Does being propositioned by your boss count as one of those things?
Jack: Your boss? Boss that fired Audrey?
Pacey: Boss that kissed me directly after I asked her to give Audrey her job back boss.
Jack: Well, that's sexual harassment.
Pacey: And strangely, I think that Audrey would concentrate more on the sexual and less on the harassment.
Jack: I say you shouldn't tell her.
Pacey: But for the fact that honesty is really the cornerstone of a healthy relationship and she kissed her ex-boyfriend at spring break and told me.
Jack: Well, all right, but you weren't foolin' around with an old flame here, ok? You got kissed against your will.
Pacey: This is true.
Jack: Any chance this woman's gonna develop a conscience and open up to Audrey?
Pacey: None.
Jack: Is it gonna happen again?
Pacey: Not on my watch.
Jack: I don't see any reason to tell Audrey.
Pacey: Except I'd feel much less guilty.
Jack: Why? You didn't do anything. She's hot. Right? Come on, pace. Fess up. She's a total hottie, right?
Pacey: I really don't see how that's relevant, ok? I'm a victim here. A victim of unwanted sexual advances.
Jack: Pace.
Pacey: Ok, perhaps not entirely unwanted.
Jack: So how hot is she?
[Alex walks up behind him through the open door.]
Pacey: Why don't you ask her?
Alex: Hi. I'm Alex.
Jack: Hi. I'm, uh, I'm Jake--uh, Jack. You, my friend, are in trouble.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Brecher's Apartment. Jack has just left, and Alex looks strangely as he leaves, then turns to Pacey who is sitting at the table.]
[Laughs]
Pacey: I'm really flattered, Alex, but didn't anybody ever tell you that no means no?
Alex: Look, Pacey, I didn't come here to... jump your bones.
Pacey: You didn't?
Alex: No. I came here to apologize. I hope you accept this. [] I'm really sorry about coming onto you the other night. It was a terrible thing to do.
Pacey: Well, somehow, I've managed to survive.
Alex: Yeah, I just got out of a doomed relationship before I moved here, and I really haven't made a lot of friends yet, and I was just feeling kind of lonely. Obviously, I completely misjudged that situation. So I feel like a fool.
Pacey: Well, it's nothing worth beating yourself up over.
Alex: No, it's just so embarrassing. I mean, this is exactly why I'm still single.
Pacey: Why, 'cause you kiss the help?
Alex: No. Because I take getting what I want for granted. Look, you have a girlfriend. I respect that. As a matter of fact, I'm hoping that she'll come back to work with us. Do you think that she might?
Pacey: Yeah, well, I can certainly talk to her.
Alex: Great. And listen, no matter how cute you are in your uniform, I promise from now on complete professionalism. Deal?
Pacey: Yeah, I think I can work under those conditions. Heh. Heh.
Alex: Wow. This is a really nice place you've got here. I mean, I must be seriously overpaying you.
Pacey: No, no. It's Brecher's old apartment. I'm just squatting here until they find a new tenant to pick up her lease.
Alex: Oh, I've been looking for a place. Hey, maybe I'll grab it and let you live here for a little while rent-free. We could work somethin' out.
Pacey: Work something out?
Alex: Oh, lighten up, Pacey. I'm talkin' about the apartment.
Pacey: Of course.
[Scene: The School Library. Joey is sitting in a chair studying, while Dawson sits in a chair next to her watching a movie on his laptop and listening to it through headphones. He is eating some chips that are crunching very loudly, and Joey kicks him to get his attention.]
Dawson: [Whispering] Oh, sorry.
Dawson: [Laughing]
Joey: You're laughing again.
Dawson: Oh, sorry. Sorry. It's so hard to believe that the same guy who gave us spinal tap gave us the story of us.
Joey: You know, this is so unfair. I have to spend my entire night preparing for finals tomorrow while you get to watch movies.
Dawson: I have finals. I'm under pressure. I've got 5 movies to get through.
Joey: Sounds a lot better than a macroeconomic textbook in medieval literature.
Dawson: One of the movies I have to see is playing in town. You wanna take a break?
Joey: Oh, I can't, Dawson. I have major catch-up to do tonight.
Dawson: See, that's what happens when you get yourself a life.
Joey: You know, I remember getting straight as, and then there was this singing incident in a bar, and now here I am, several chapters behind in my reading assignment.
Dawson: You're not having second thoughts about this new life, are you?
Joey: Yeah. I'm never going to take a class again where they make you read Beowulf.
Dawson: Right.
Joey: Dawson... while I'm grateful for your company and really glad that you wanted to hang out with me and study for finals, do you think you could do it quietly?
Dawson: Yeah, no problem.
[He puts his headphones back on]
Dawson: Ha ha ha! [Realizes that he is loud] I think I'm just gonna catch that movie now.
Joey: Good idea.
[Scene: Grams' house. Jack is studying at the table, when Grams comes over carrying a rather large cup of tea]
Grams: I'm pulling out the big guns tonight, Jack. Gingko biloba. Stimulates the memory, improves mental acuity.
Jack: I'm gonna need a lot more than herbal tea to learn this stuff.
Grams: Well, natural ginkgolides and faith-- a powerful combination.
Jack: Sorry, grams, but I am way beyond blind, can-do enthusiasm at this point. I'm now deep into fear and panic.
Grams: Now, you've managed to adequately prepare for all your other examinations. I'm quite certain you can do the same for this one.
Jack: I could fudge my way through the English lit essays. Intro to archeology is multiple-choice. But this stuff, I mean, multivariable calculus. You either know it or you don't, and I definitely don't know it.
Grams: Well, perhaps you should enlist some help from one of your classmates.
Jack: Heh. Perhaps I don't know any of my classmates because perhaps I haven't even been to class. Perhaps that's why I don't even have the notes I need to understand the textbooks.
Grams: Oh, dear boy. I know it seems all hope is lost, but remember
Jack: I love you, grams, but please don't launch into a speech about Daniel in the lion's den right now.
Grams: A little David and goliath?
Jack: Mm-mmm.
Grams: Need some new material, eh?
Jack: Yeah, you do. Mm. Can I have the ginky, please?
Grams: To hell with herbal tea. You need coffee, and a lot of it. Now hit those books. One way or another, we're gonna get you through this.
[Scene: The movie theater. Dawson is just getting out after watching his movie, when he hears a familiar voice behind him. He turns to see Amy Lloyd the film critic who he met during the showing of his and Oliver's movie.]
Amy: Of all the movie joints in all the towns in all the world...
Dawson: s*x, lies, and videotape is 14 years old. You're a little late for your review.
Amy: I'm not here for work.
Dawson: Pleasure?
Amy: No, a date.
Dawson: Not one and the same?
Amy: Not so much.
Dawson: Where is he?
Amy: Probably still in storytelling with the rest of the freaks. Let's get out of here before he comes out. You seen it?
[The begin walking away from the theater]
Amy: Storytelling?
Dawson: No interest. So, you just went and saw a different movie?
Amy: I left him in there, actually.
Dawson: Why?
Amy: What kind of a man sucks a Jordan almond?
Dawson: Ha ha. You're telling me you walked out on a date because you didn't like the way the guy ate his candy?
Amy: You didn't hear the noise he was making. Oh, and when we parked, car cover.
Dawson: Have I ever told you you're a very critical person?
Amy: Thank you. We all have our gifts, and some of us have figured out how to scam a living out of 'em.
Dawson: I'm very well aware of how you make a living. Let's see, how was it? "Despite a truly inspired ending "which should garner him some attention, "Mr. Leery's first effort "is at times imitative, derivative, and full of unexplored potential."
Amy: That's not a slam. Hey, you didn't expect me to go easy on you just because we kissed, did you?
Dawson: I'm surprised you didn't critique the kiss.
Amy: Who says I didn't?
Dawson: [Chuckles]
Amy: I like your work, Dawson, more than you know. So, what about you? Tested the dating waters of insanity?
Dawson: No. No, I'm just here studying for finals, doing research for a paper on first-time directors.
Amy: Smart boy. Hey, you want to see one of my favorite films by a new director?
Dawson: Now?
Amy: Sure. It's too early to go to bed. We could go back to my place.
Dawson: How do you know I'm not a Jordan almond-sucker?
Amy: Oh, I know. Anyway, all I keep in my house are junior mints.
Dawson: In the freezer?
Amy: Where else?
[Scene: The Civilization kitchen. Pacey is working at preparing some food while Audrey is standing next to him talking]
Audrey: So she wants me to come back?
Pacey: I told you I'd get you your job back. Can I deliver or what?
Audrey: She just changed her mind?
Pacey: Alex came to me this afternoon and told me to tell you that you have your job back. So, you see? She's not the wench that you think she is.
Audrey: Oh, pfft, I know exactly who she is, and she knows exactly who I am. Believe me, women speak a shorthand with each other.
Pacey: Well, not to knock the estrogenic Morse code, but I think you might've misjudged her a little bit.
Audrey: Oh, have I? And what reason did she give for suddenly changing her mind?
Pacey: Look, does it really matter?
Audrey: Humor me.
Pacey: Because she was being nice.
Audrey: Why?
Pacey: Because she's a nice person.
Audrey: Bull.
Pacey: And because I asked her, ok?
Audrey: Oh, ok. So she was being nice to you.
Pacey: What do you care? You got your job back. So, if you could just go put on your uniform, then we can resume our usual inappropriate work banter, ok?
Audrey: I think she wants you.
Pacey: Come on.
Audrey: I have seen the way that she looks at you. This woman would only be nice if it served her.
Pacey: Alex told me that she realized what a wonderful waitress you are and she just didn't want the restaurant to lose you, ok?
Audrey: Has she hit on you?
Pacey: No.
Audrey: I am a terrible waitress, and everyone knows it.
Pacey: That's not true. You've been getting much better lately.
Audrey: Oh, please. I would've been out of here on day one if it wasn't for my boobs.
Pacey: Don't sell yourself short like that
[Audrey puts two fingers against the side of Pacey's throat]
Pacey: Whoa, whoa.
Audrey: Did she hit on you?
Pacey: No, and now you're being kind of ridiculous.
Audrey: Your pulse jumped.
Pacey: Because you're making me nervous.
Audrey: Your pulse is racing. You are afraid of something.
Pacey: You have your fingers to my jugular! I'm afraid of dying!
[Alex comes walking up behind them]
Alex: Look, I'm willing to bend the rules on inter-office relationships, but could you please try to keep it private?
Pacey: Yes, I think we can probably do that, right, honey?
Audrey: Sure.
Pacey: Well, I'm so glad to have you back, Audrey. Really, you're a vital part of our serving team.
Audrey: Thanks.
Pacey: [Snaps fingers] You see?
Audrey: Completely. Having me back is the last thing that woman wants.
Pacey: Then why would she say it?!
Audrey: 'Cause she knows that there is no way in hell that I ever would.
Pacey: Ohh. What is it that I'm missing here?
Audrey: Everything! God, I am quitting!
[Scene: Amy's Apartment. They are in the living room, and Dawson is sitting on the floor while Amy is going through a rather large pile of VHS tapes.]
Dawson: I like your place. It's very Bridget-Jones- meets-film-geek.
Amy: Some girls collect shoes. I pretty much keep Amazon in business. Been that way since I was a kid. Oh, now here is a truly great film.
Dawson: Traffic? Yeah, yeah.
Amy: Hey, Soderbergh finally found his voice.
Dawson: You prefer a long, self-important Hollywood movie over a unique independent first film?
Amy: s*x, lies, and videotape is basically just a throwback to all those wonderful old classics where all people do is talk, and whenever anything takes place that you really want to see, he has the camera cut away. It takes a while for young filmmakers to figure out what they want to say.
Dawson: [Laughs] That's a pretty broad generalization.
Amy: Name a truly original movie by a first-time director.
Dawson: Reservoir Dogs, les Mistons, Strictly Ballroom, Diner, Maltese Falcon, Body Heat, Clerks, Ordinary People, Say Anything. What? What are you looking at?
Amy: You.
Dawson: I've been pretty engulfed in my studies lately.
Amy: Don't tell me. The thesis for your final paper: "Soderbergh's first film shows us "how subtly provocative the movies can be, that just talk can be an erogenous zone."
Dawson: You don't agree?
Amy: I suppose it depends who you're talking to.
[Amy leans in and begins kissing him]
Dawson: I thought we were gonna watch a movie.
Amy: You know what? Change of plan.
[They begin making out.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Amy's Living room. Dawson and Amy are lying on the floor wrapped in only a blanket.]
Dawson: Wow. That happened.
Amy: Yeah, it did.
Dawson: I just realized something.
Amy: Hmm?
Dawson: This whole business of people asking each other how it was afterwards comes from movies.
Amy: Sure, it's an expositional device needed because of the cutaway.
Dawson: There's no cutaway in real life.
Amy: No audience to spoon-feed something they weren't allowed to see.
Dawson: I like that.
Amy: Me, too.
[Dawson picks up one of the tapes near him.]
Dawson: The Marjorie game, directed by Amy Lloyd in completion of the BFA in filmmaking.
Amy: Give me that.
Dawson: Heh. You were a filmmaking major?
Amy: Yeah, amazing, isn't it?
Dawson: I totally had you pegged as a critical studies major.
Amy: Well, you learn something new every day. Now give me the tape.
Dawson: No, we're poppin' this in the VCR.
Amy: No, no.
Dawson: Come on. I showed you mine, and I should get to see yours.
Amy: No way. Dawson, I'm serious.
Dawson: I can see that.
Amy: [Sighs]
[Scene: The school library. Joey is trying to study, when Audrey comes in and plops down into the chair Dawson was sitting in earlier in the day.]
Audrey: Boys suck.
Joey: So does taking classes over in summer school. But you are my roommate, and I am legally required to be here for you, so... do tell. In precisely what way doth a male suckage occur?
Audrey: What?
Joey: Beowulf overdose.
Audrey: I think he could be cheating on me.
Joey: Who?
Audrey: Carlos, the dorm security guard. Who do you think? Pacey.
Joey: [Laughs] Pacey doesn't cheat.
Audrey: Oh, yeah? Get this. So he asks Mrs. Robinson to give me my job back, and she agrees.
Joey: And from that you deduce that he's having an affair with her?
Audrey: She's the affair type. Those Donna Karan business suits don't fool me. She is a femme fatale with an MBA in how to take your man away.
Joey: Audrey, if she wants your boyfriend, why would she offer to keep you around?
Audrey: To keep him happy. To keep him off-guard. It's all part of her crafty little plan. Have you ever heard of the expression, "keep your enemies close"?
Joey: Have you ever heard the expression, "you need to be medicated"?
Audrey: He is covering something, Joey. I know he is, ok? I don't know exactly what, but I can tell from his behavior that he's keeping something from me.
Joey: Maybe it's a family thing, or maybe he's having a problem with someone he's supervising. Not everything is about you, Audrey.
Audrey: Well, most everything is.
Joey: Ok, um, well, maybe he's planning a surprise for you, or getting you a present.
Audrey: [Sighs] Well, I do have a birthday coming up. Ok. Maybe you're right. Maybe he's just planning a surprise or something.
Joey: There you go.
Audrey: Earrings would be nice. You know, like, hoops. Rhinestone. Turquoise. Match my ring.
Joey: Audrey, don't you have finals to study for?
Audrey: Oh, yeah, those are coming up soon, right?
Joey: Audrey.
Audrey: You know I just do that to annoy you. You're so cute when you worry about me, bunny.
Joey: Books.
Audrey: I'm getting them.
[Scene: The Civilizations. Pacey is finishing cleaning up in the kitchen and comes out to see Alex alone sitting at the bar doing paperwork. It is the end of the day and no one else is in the restaurant]
Pacey: And now it's Witter time.
Alex: Good night.
Pacey: Right back at you. Are you gonna be here for a while?
Alex: Sorry?
Pacey: Well, it's gettin' kind of late, you know?
Alex: Oh. I have to get all this work finished and sent off to management by tomorrow. [Sighs] Thank god I'm a night owl.
Pacey: Well, aren't we all?
Alex: Mm-hmm.
Pacey: You know, if you want to be here, there's a ton of stuff I could do in the kitchen.
Alex: Oh, no, no. Go home. Go be with your Audrey.
Pacey: You sure you'll be all right?
Alex: I'm a big girl, Pacey.
Pacey: So I noticed.
Alex: Heh heh. I'm staying in a little place around the corner. When I'm finished, I'm just gonna walk there.
Pacey: Yeah, I know this seems like a real hip, artsy neighborhood during the day, but it's not the same thing at night, so maybe you should go now.
Alex: Um, I can take care of myself. Us girls are stronger than you think.
Pacey: Which is exactly what my friend Joey said right before she met up with a 9-millimeter just down the street.
Alex: Well, I can't leave right now. I'd have to carry these books.
Pacey: But you can leave right now because I'll carry them for you.
Alex: Hmm. You really are a find, aren't you?
Pacey: Oh, yeah, that's what all the girls say right before they see my socks.
Alex: Heh. Ha ha. Maybe what you need is a girl who knows how to take care of you.
Pacey: And maybe you just need to let a guy walk you home.
Alex: [Sighs] Who am I to argue with a chivalrous gentleman at this hour?
Pacey: Ok.
[Scene: The frat house. There is a party going on when Jack comes in carrying a book bag on his shoulder. Get sees several of the members standing at the base of the stairs.]
[Alternative rock music playing]
Jack: Polar bear.
Polar Bear: Jack, what are you doing here?
Jack: I was kind of hoping you guys could help me out.
Polar Bear: You really shouldn't be here, man. Here's a margarita. You really gotta get going.
Jack: I don't need a drink right now, all right?
[Blossom comes down the stairs.]
Blossom: Jack McPhee turnin' down alcohol. You live long enough, I guess you see everything, huh?
Jack: Look, guys, I need to get into the notes and test files for a calculus class.
Blossom: Notes and tests? Notes and tests, um, I don't know what you're talkin' about, Jack.
Jack: Come on, blossom. I know sigma has a whole file on old class notes and exams from way back.
Blossom: What? I've never heard of anything like that. Has anyone here ever heard of anything like that? Must be just a rumor. Anyways, if something like that were to exist, obviously it would be completely off limits to, uh, non-brothers.
[Eric walks up from behind the group to hear what is going on]
Jack: Look, I know we've had our differences, all right? But I'm really trying to clean up my act here, so I'm asking you, as someone who used to hang out with you guys, can you do me a favor?
Blossom: Sorry, but there's just really nothing the brotherhood can do for you. Later, McPhee.
Jack: You know, if you want to be a jerk because it's in your nature, fine, but don't stand here and hide behind the bonds of brotherhood. There's a whole world out there full of people who actually do give a crap about other people as individuals, and sooner or later, you're gonna have to stop hiding out at this house and join that world, blossom.
Blossom: [Laughs] Get a load of earnest McPhee. You know, you just really need a drink.
Jack: What I need is help.
[Jack looks at each of them then turns and leaves]
[Scene: Amy's apartment. Dawson is wrapped in a blanket, and goes to the door to get the food that they ordered from the delivery guy]
Dawson: Thanks.
[He brings the food over to the table in the living room, and they sit on the floor and eat]]
Amy: Look at you, all Harrison ford in working girl.
Dawson: I'd rather be him in raiders.
Amy: Cuter in the former.
Dawson: Cooler in the latter. This is yours. So... what is it about your movie that you don't want me to see?
Amy: It's just too personal.
Dawson: I'll admit that my experience in this area is limited, but, uh, haven't we already kinda crossed the personal barrier?
Amy: Ok, you want the truth-- the no-holds-barred, ugly truth?
Dawson: Please.
Amy: The movie stinks.
Dawson: That's it?
Amy: Yeah, not in a common way. I mean, this baby is an extraordinary masterwork of stinkage. I mean, it's amazing we can even tolerate being in the same room with the videotape of it.
Dawson: You don't think you're bein' a little hard on yourself?
Amy: Oh, no.
Dawson: 'Cause I've read your reviews. You can be rather relentless.
Amy: I wasn't alone in my particular opinion.
Dawson: So, what, you just never wanted to make another one?
Amy: Dawson, I love movies. I started faking sick in the third grade just so that I could stay home and watch them...
Dawson: I started in the fifth.
Amy: And now I'm a grownup who gets paid to watch them all day long.
Dawson: That sounds great, but you never answered my question. I mean, have you ever wanted to make another film?
Amy: The first one was such a disaster. Why would I want to do it again?
Dawson: A very attractive girl once told me that it takes a while for young filmmakers to figure out what they wanna say.
Amy: What am I gonna do? Quit my job and use my credit cards to finance a movie now?
Dawson: You wouldn't be the first.
Amy: I'm not sure I have the same raw talent that you have, Dawson.
Dawson: How would you know?
Amy: Filmmaking was something I loved, but I was given chance to do this job, and it turns out that I'm pretty damn great at it, and that makes me happy. So I left filmmaking behind, and I moved on with my life. Sometimes you just have to let things go like that.
Dawson: It sounds very smart and practical.
Amy: And a little sad.
Dawson: A little.
[Scene: Along the street outside. Pacey is walking Audrey home from the restaurant, carrying a rather large number of books.]
Alex: Are you sure those aren't too heavy?
Pacey: What, the encyclopedia of civilization collection? No, I'll be fine.
Alex: Did you know we have letters in there about the foie gras? Stop the suffering. I mean, what's wrong with people?
Pacey: I don't know. There's a lot of crazies in the world, I guess.
Alex: Well, I guess you never know what you're dealing with. This is me.
Pacey: So this is it, huh?
Alex: Mm-hmm.
Pacey: I heard they have theme rooms in this place.
Alex: It's true. I'm in the Santa Fe suite. Me and Theo.
Pacey: Theo?
Alex: [Laughs] He's the bull's head on the wall. I've named him Theo.
Pacey: You really need to get your own place.
Alex: You're telling me.
Pacey: You should seriously consider taking over my apartment.
Alex: Ok, I will.
Pacey: If you wanna come by and look at it again, just, you know, you can bring Theo for a second opinion if you need him.
Alex: [Laughs] You sure about that?
Pacey: Yeah, of course.
Alex: Thanks, Pacey. It's nice to have you as a friend.
Pacey: Ok, well. [He gives her a very big and long lasting hug] I guess I should be going, Alex.
Alex: Yeah, I guess so.
[he hands her the books]
Pacey: Ah. Heh. Ok. Good night.
Alex: Good night, Pacey.
[Ambient street noise]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The school library. Audrey is still sitting and trying to decide what exactly that Pacey must be planning for her. While Joey is still trying to study]
Audrey: Maybe he's planning a little surprise trip for the two of us.
Joey: Audrey.
Audrey: You know, like, a spa or something? Ooh, a massage would be nice. God, sitting on these chairs is murder on my butt.
[Joey slams her book shut, and everyone around turns and looks at her.]
Joey: Cramming boring, dreary, medieval fairy tales and the inner workings of the fed is hard enough without having to hear a diatribe about your ass. So unless you wanna come visit me at Worchester trade school next year, I suggest you go find your boyfriend and drive him crazy.
[Audrey notices everyone staring]
Audrey: Finals. Pressure. Pup tent with a boy when she should have been studying.
Joey: Audrey. You need to go now.
Audrey: I think I'm gonna go see Pacey.
Joey: Good idea.
[Audrey leaves, but is replaced 2 seconds later, by a frantic Jack]
Jack: Please tell me you know something about multivariable calculus.
[Scene: Amy's bedroom. Amy and Dawson are lying under the covers in her bedroom, and talking.]
Dawson: I can honestly say I've never had a date like this before.
Amy: Me, neither.
Dawson: Can I ask you a question?
Amy: You just did, but feel free to ask another one.
Dawson: What makes a girl decide to spend the night with a guy she hardly knows?
Amy: The same things that make a guy want to. Of course, with girls, the deciding factor is usually the shoes.
Dawson: You decided to sleep with me because of my sketchers?
Amy: Yeah, I could tell you were ok. Safe. Genuine. A kindred spirit.
Dawson: And Mr. Car cover?
Amy: Loafers.
Dawson: Interesting.
Amy: See, maybe the problem with your girlfriend was just that she didn't appreciate quality footwear. Does breaking up bite or what?
Dawson: You know what? It wasn't that bad, actually. We're still great friends.
Amy: You're friends?
Dawson: Pretty much the same as before.
Amy: I threw a cuisinart at my boyfriend when we broke up.
Dawson: I'm not so much the appliance thrower.
Amy: Come on. You've never had any knock-down, drag-out fights?
Dawson: No.
Amy: It doesn't sound like there was all that much there with this girl.
Dawson: What, just 'cause I don't believe in fighting?
Amy: You are a passionate guy, Mr. Leary. The secret is out, and someday, you are gonna meet someone who drives you absolutely mad, who you are gonna fight with and laugh with and do totally insane things for. Someone who turns your life wildly upside down.
Dawson: [Sighs] I think I've already met that person.
Amy: Really? Why aren't you with her?
Dawson: Bad timing... I suppose. Oh, I had a chance a while back, and I blew it, and then she just kinda, I guess, felt the same way you did about your life and moved on.
Amy: How do you know that?
Dawson: She spent the night with another guy.
Amy: [Laughs]
Dawson: What?
Amy: Nothing.
Dawson: Well, why are you laughing at me?
Amy: It's funny. I mean, you're so convinced that she's moved on because, why, she's with another guy?
Dawson: Yeah.
Amy: Well... you're spending the night with me. Does that mean that you've moved on?
[Scene: Grams' House. Jack comes into the house, with a very dejected look on his face, when grams comes out to meet him.]
Grams: Oh, Jack. Where have you been?
Jack: Oh, the Worthington library. It turns out this stuff is even beyond the academic ability of Joey potter. I'm telling you, if that isn't a sign to throw in the towel, I don't know what is.
Grams: We have been waiting for you.
Jack: "We"?
[He hears Eric's voice from the next room]
Eric: Hey, man.
Jack: What the hell's he doin' here? What do you want?
Eric: Well, I heard you needed some help.
[Scene: Pacey's place. Pacey is taking a shower, when he hears the doorbell. He quickly gets out of the shower and puts some sweats on to answer the door.]
[Doorbell buzzes]
Pacey: Just a second.
[He opens the door to see Alex.]
Alex: Hey, I know it's late, but sitting around my room made me realize that you are completely right.
Pacey: About what?
Alex: Well, I do need a place of my own, so I decided to take you up on your offer.
Pacey: And which offer would that be?
Alex: To check out your apartment.
Pacey: Alex, it's nearly 2:00 in the morning.
Alex: Yeah, but, I mean, you said you were a night owl like I am, and you walked me home, like, an hour ago. I just figured... what? Oh, my god. I'm sorry.
Pacey: It's ok.
Alex: No, you know what? It's not ok. I misjudged this whole thing again. I'm--I'm--I'm just, I'm leaving. I feel terrible.
Pacey: There's nothing for you to feel terrible about.
Alex: Yes, there is. Ok, here, you have this life, this great wonderful life, and I keep imposing myself on it.
Pacey: You are not imposing.
Alex: I know that I am.
Pacey: You are not, ok? It's fine. Please. Come in. Take a look around. It's fine.
Alex: No, I couldn't.
Pacey: You can, and let me get you a glass of something. All I really have is water and O.J., So I hope that's all right.
Alex: Well, what about the champagne? I mean, if you want to.
Pacey: Sure. I guess a little champagne between colleagues never hurt.
Alex: You know, Pacey Witter, you are such a doll. I have so much respect for you having the strength not to act on this thing.
Pacey: And what thing would that be?
Alex: You know, the thing. This heat. I felt it tonight when you hugged me. I felt it that time when we kissed.
[Audrey had walked up to the open door, and has heard all she needed to hear]
Audrey: [Audrey clears throat] You might wanna shut the door, Pacey. It'll keep the heat in.
[Audrey storms off and Pacey runs after her]
Pacey: Audrey. Audrey! Audrey, stop! Let me explain!
Audrey: I don't wanna hear any more of your explanations. It's all very clear to me now.
Pacey: She just dropped by.
Audrey: Oh, yeah, and you were trying so hard to get her to leave, weren't you?
Pacey: It is not what it looks like, all right?
Audrey: Just go back to your apartment!
Pacey: Nothing happened!
Audrey: You kissed her, Pacey!
Pacey: She kissed me!
Audrey: Oh, well, that makes me feel so much better!
Pacey: And it didn't mean anything!
Audrey: Which, the hug or the kiss?
Pacey: Neither.
Audrey: It meant your arms around her body. It meant her tongue in your throat.
Pacey: Well, for what it's worth, it was her tongue in my
Audrey: Ah! I don't wanna hear about this! I'm sorry! Stop! Let go of me!
Pacey: Just listen to me, will you?
Audrey: Why should I? You've lied to me.
Pacey: I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was gonna happen again.
Audrey: Well, you were wrong.
Pacey: And I didn't think it was right to embarrass her.
Audrey: What are you talking about, Pacey? This isn't high school. This is your boss hitting on you. If you really wanted to stop it, you could have, and you didn't because you like it, because you are attracted to her, and it's--it's really obvious to me. If you didn't want her to hit on you again, why didn't you just quit?
Pacey: Because maybe I need this job. I don't know if you notice, but I'm not exactly rollin' around in money here. I can't even afford a place to live. I'm not just some rich college girl who can quit when the mood strikes me.
Audrey: It's cool. You know what? Screw the girl. Keep your job. Have your cake and eat it, too. It's fine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Pacey's apartment. Pacey comes back inside to see Alex sitting on the couch, drinking champagne.]
Pacey: You're still here.
Alex: Well, I thought you might need a friend. Come and sit.
Pacey: You realize that she may never talk to me again.
Alex: Mmm. I told you 19 is too young to be settling down.
[He sits down next to her, and she places her hand on his cheek]
Pacey: You're driving me crazy, Alex. You realize that.
Alex: Mmm. Can't help it. I told you I take getting what I want for granted.
Pacey: I thought you said you were trying to change that about yourself.
Alex: I believe that people should listen to their urges.
Pacey: You're a very determined woman, aren't you?
Alex: Mmm. Everybody already thinks you did it, Pacey, so why don't you just do it?
[They begin making out]
Alex: God, this is great. Too bad we have to stop.
Pacey: We have to what?
Alex: Stop.
Pacey: What about the heat?
Alex: Well, just... knowing that we could do it is enough.
Pacey: It is?
Alex: It is. It would just be inappropriate.
[she leaves, and Pacey is trying to figure out what just happened.]
[Scene: the school library. Joey is trying to study, while 2 people are making out in the chair across from her. The noise they are making finally gets to her.]
Joey: Could you guys get a room? It's a library.
[They look at her weird then leave]
[Scene: Gram's house. Jack and Eric are sitting at the table studying for his exam.]
Jack: Check this exam out. It's dated may 10, 1982, and it's graded by my same professor.
Eric: That multivariable calculus probably hasn't changed much since then, huh?
Jack: Yeah. Based on these year's notes, neither has the way he's been teaching it. How did you-- how did you do this? How did you get all this stuff out of the house?
Eric: Well, I just put it in my backpack and just walked on out of there, you know?
[Both laugh]
Jack: But what about the by-laws? I mean, what if somebody finds out?
Eric: Well, then, I guess I get expelled from the house.
Jack: Well, are you willin' to risk that?
Eric: Well, I hear it's possible to leave a fraternity and survive. You know? I know guys that have done it.
Jack: Why are you doing this, Eric? Why are you helpin' me?
Eric: Because you helped me.
[Scene: Amy's Apartment. Dawson is finishing getting dressed, and getting ready to leave.]
Amy: Ooh, I wanna give you something before you go.
Dawson: Your thesis film?
Amy: You know, if this were the third act of a movie, that's exactly what this would be, and you'd watch it, and it would be great, and...
Dawson: I would give it to one of my professors who would love it, and he'd give it to one of his old students who now runs a movie studio.
Amy: And I'd see my name up on the big screen just a few months later. I would have liked that. Seeing my name on the screen just once.
Dawson: Well, you get to see your name in print quite a lot.
Amy: Yes, I sure do. It's what's up, tiger lily?
Dawson: Woody Allen.
Amy: His first. You know it?
Dawson: No, I don't.
Amy: Oh, he took this old Japanese movie and he just replaced the dialogue with his own. It's literally a remake of someone else's picture. Obviously, it's derivative and imitative and full of
Dawson: Unexplored potential.
Amy: But if you look at it closely, you can see a glimmer of Annie Hall, a Twinkle of Manhattan, the Promise of Hannah.
Dawson: Thank you. I'll call you when I'm done, and we can, uh
Amy: It's a gift.
Dawson: [Sighs]
Amy: We're both in very different places in our lives, Dawson. Mine is much more predictable and defined than yours, and I think we both know I'm probably not the person you need to be spending your precious time with right now.
Dawson: For what it's worth, I don't think your life is nearly as predictable and defined as you think it is, Amy.
Amy: Why is that?
Dawson: Would you have predicted a night like this? I would like to keep in touch with you.
Amy: Then do. I'd like that. Maybe we can catch a movie sometime.
[Scene: A montage of scenes. First late at night at the library. Joey pacing back and forth while studying from her book. Next Grams' house. Jack is getting ready to leave for his test, and grams hands him a sack lunch she has made him, and he kisses her on the forehead before leaving to take his exam. Finally to Pacey's Apartment. He is sitting on the floor making a phone call.]
[Telephone rings]
[Ring]
[Answering machine beeps]
Pacey: Audrey, it's Pacey. If you're there, could you please pick up the phone? Audrey. Please? Audrey, come on.
[Audrey is there, but she doesn't get up to answer the phone. She instead stays in bed crying]
[Scene: The school Library. Joey has fallen asleep studying sitting in the chair. Dawson is just standing there staring at her, when she suddenly wakes herself up.]
Joey: Hey.
Dawson: Hey.
Joey: How long have you... how long have you been here?
Dawson: A while.
Joey: How was the movie?
Dawson: Fun. Inspiring. Completely unexpected.
Joey: Mmm, lucky you.
Dawson: How's studying?
Joey: Not so good, actually. I only have a couple hours left.
Dawson: Maybe this will help.
[He hands her a cup of coffee]
Dawson: You mind if I just sit here a little while? Or if you need anything, I can...
Joey: Sure. Thank you. Very sweet. Much needed. I gotta tell you, Dawson. It's like the entire world has been coming at me tonight. Like, completely distracting me from what I've spent my entire life preparing for. I mean, it's like this night has been a metaphor for the whole semester and one big left turn. Not that it's been bad, because it hasn't, but it's just, if I don't get myself back on track, I could... [she looks over to see that he has fallen asleep] Dawson?
Dawson: Joey, can I ask you a question? Do you like my shoes?
Joey: Yeah. Why?
Dawson: Just wondering.
[She just stares at him confused as the camera fades to black] | Plan: A: the workplace; Q: What does Pacey's new boss want to see more professionalism in? A: promises; Q: What does Pacey's new boss make to Audrey? A: Audrey; Q: Who storms out of Pacey's office when he and Alex kiss? A: her job; Q: What does Audrey refuse to return to Pacey's office after he offers it to her? A: Alex; Q: Who does Pacey feel a growing attraction to? A: their kiss; Q: What is Alex and Pacey talking about when Audrey walks in on them? A: anger; Q: Why does Audrey storm out of Pacey's house? A: the future; Q: What is unknown about Audrey and Pacey's relationship? A: their relationship; Q: What does Audrey leave uncertain about the future of? A: Dawson; Q: Who runs into Amy Lloyd? A: Amy Lloyd; Q: Who is the movie critic that Dawson meets? A: movies; Q: What do Dawson and Amy Lloyd talk about after they get into bed together? A: Woody Allen; Q: Who directed What's Up, Tiger Lily? A: studies; Q: What do Joey and Jack focus on? A: problems; Q: What does Joey have with concentrating? A: an entire semester; Q: How much time does Jack have to catch up on his studies? A: the fraternity house; Q: Where does Jack go to get help with his studies? A: his expulsion; Q: What did Eric cause to happen to Jack? A: the needed notes; Q: What does Eric bring to Jack? Summary: Pacey's new boss proposes more professionalism in the workplace and promises to leave behind her attraction towards him, even offering Audrey her job back. Audrey suspects something is going on between them and refuses to return. Later, Alex drops by at Pacey's and Audrey walks in on them talking about their kiss. She storms out in anger, leaving the future of their relationship unknown while Pacey struggles with the growing attraction he feels for Alex. Dawson runs into Amy Lloyd, the movie critic, and they end up in bed together. Afterward, they talk about movies and she gives him a copy of the Woody Allen film, What's Up, Tiger Lily?. Joey and Jack focus on studies, and while she has problems concentrating, he has to catch up an entire semester and even goes back to the fraternity house asking for help. Luckily, Eric (the same guy who caused Jack his expulsion) shows up with the needed notes. |
Lower Town (night) A bounty hunter arrives in Camelot with a druid girl locked in a horse-drawn cage. He leaves her outside in the thunderstorm while he goes to the tavern. Gaius is making a house call with Merlin in the lower town.
Gaius: If he's not better in the morning, let me know. Merlin and Gaius pass the girl in the cage on their way back to the castle.
Merlin: Gaius.
Gaius: She's fallen prey to a bounty hunter.
Merlin: She's only a girl.
Gaius: She'll still fetch a good price, though.
Merlin: Someone's going to pay for her?
Gaius: Uther offers a handsome reward for anyone with magic.
Merlin: There must be something we can do.
Gaius: Merlin, bounty hunters are dangerous men. They're not to be meddled with. You of all people should understand that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lower Town (night)
Merlin sneaks out the chambers while Gaius sleeps. He peeks in the tavern to make sure the bounty hunter is occupied before going to the caged girl.
Merlin: Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you.Tospringe. The cage door breaks open. Merlin steps inside and puts his hand over her manacles.
Merlin: Unspene þás mægþ! The manacles break off. he takes her hand and they hide behind the cart just as the bounty hunter exits.
Merlin: Ic bebíede þis giestærn tácen fielan. The tavern sign breaks off and hits the bounty hunter. Merlin runs with girl.
Merlin: Bryne. Merlin lights a torch and takes girl down some tunnels under the castle.
Merlin: They won't find you here. Merlin takes off his jacket.
Merlin: Here. She shrinks back.
Merlin: Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I just thought you might be cold.
Freya: Why did you do that?
Merlin: What?
Freya: Help me.
Merlin: Well, I saw you and...it could've been me in that cage. You'll be safe down here. I'll come back in the morning with some food and candles. Will you be alright till then? Freya nods.
Merlin: I'm Merlin, by the way.
Freya: I'm Freya.
Merlin: Freya. Merlin hands her his jacket and she accepts it.
Merlin: I'll see you in the morning, Freya.
Freya: Thank you. Merlin nods.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Physician's chambers/Arthur's chambers
Merlin looks for food the next morning, finding only stale bread and rotten fruit. Merlin goes to Arthur's Chambers and exchanges these for fine meat, bread, and cheese. Merlin opens the curtains.
Merlin: Breakfast!
Arthur: Oi! Where's the meat? Cheese?
Merlin: That's the new breakfast menu.
Arthur: This isn't enough.
Merlin: We, we've got to keep you in shape.
Arthur: I'm fighting fit!
Merlin: But we want to keep you that way.
Arthur: Merlin! Arthur throws the food at him.
Arthur: Is there somewhere you have to be?
Merlin: Of course not!
Arthur: Good. 'Cause I've got some chores for you to do.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Arthur's chambers
Merlin prepares Arthur's bath.
Arthur: Make sure it's hot enough!
Merlin: Onhǽte þá wæter.
Arthur: Is it ready?
Merlin: Yep. Freshly heated.
Arthur: Ah! You bumpkin! It's boiling!
Merlin: Boiling?
Arthur: You are half asleep today!
Merlin: I'm sorry, Sire. Erm, I'll get you some cold.
Arthur: No, I'll get you some. Arthur splashes Merlin with a water pitcher.
Arthur: That woken you up?
Merlin: Raring to go, Sire.
[SCENE_BREAK]
King's Palace, Council Chamber of Doom
The bounty hunter enters with some knights.
Uther: Ah, Halig. You've come bearing gifts?
Halig: Yes, Sire. A druid girl. But she escaped last night here in Camelot.
Uther: Well, don't worry. We'll soon find her. Have some guards help with the search. A knight bows and exits.
Halig: You need to warn them, Sire. The girl is dangerous. The informer told me she was cursed.
Uther: How so?
Halig: He didn't know, but he said even the druids were frightened of her. They cast her out of their camp.
Gaius: It's against all the druids believe to reject those in need of care.
Uther: Why would they do such a thing?
Gaius: I dread to think.
Uther: Set up sentries on all the gates.
Halig: We should search the lower town, Sire. Someone may be harbouring her.
Gaius: You think she had help?
Halig: I saw two figures running away.
Uther: Give Halig all the help he needs. I want this girl and her accomplice found.
[SCENE_BREAK]
King's Palace Gate (day)
Peasants queue up to enter the palace grounds. Halig inspects each one.
Guard: Get in line! Halig shakes his head that it's not the person he saw.
Guard: Move along. Halig nods at the next woman. She's taken by guards. Halig shakes his head at Merlin, but then looks at him as Merlin passes by.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tunnels
Merlin enters tunnels with a torch and a care package. Freya's sleeping.
Merlin: (whisper) Freya? Merlin touches her shoulder. She wakes and shrinks from him.
Merlin: (whisper) It's all right. It's okay. It's me. It's Merlin. And look... Merlin shows her what he brought. Freya stuffs the food in her mouth. Merlin sets up the candles.
Freya: It's good.
Merlin: Believe me, it's fit for a prince. Merlin lights candles with magic. He sees a tattoo on her arm.
Merlin: Is that a druid symbol? Freya nods.
Merlin: Were you born a druid?
Freya: Why are you asking me all these questions?
Merlin: Sorry, I didn't mean to.
Freya: I'm sorry.
Merlin: I understand.
Freya: You could never understand.
Merlin: I know what it's like to keep secrets.
Freya: Does anyone know you have magic?
Merlin: Only you. And one other person. He knows, but I'm not sure he understands.
Freya: I wish I was like everyone else, but...
Merlin: You always know, deep down, you're not?
Freya: Because I'm cursed.
Merlin: Freya, don't say that. Magic doesn't have to be a curse. It can be a gift. Look. Hoppaþ nu swicae swá lig flíehen. Merlin floats the candles.
Freya: Beautiful.
Merlin: I have to go. Erm, someone might notice I'm missing. But I- I'll come back, and I'll bring you some more food. I promise.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Physician's chambers (day)
Merlin enters.
Gaius: Do you know anything about the girl?
Merlin: What girl?
Gaius: The girl from the cage. She escaped last night.
Merlin: Good. I'm pleased.
Gaius: They're out hunting for her.
Merlin: Why can't they just let her be?
Gaius: Did you help her escape?
Merlin: No.
Gaius: Merlin?
Merlin: You told me not to get involved.
Gaius: You promise me you'd nothing to do with this?
Merlin: Yes!
Gaius: Good. Because when Halig finds out who helped her, I wouldn't want to be in their shoes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Arthur's chambers
Arthur eats dinner.
Merlin: Would you like some water with that?
Arthur: Mmm. Merlin pours the water out of the pitcher and magically knocks Arthur's knife off of the table. When Arthur bends down to pick it up, Merlin magically shoots a drumstick into the water pitcher.
Arthur: I had two drumsticks.
Merlin: No you didn't.
Arthur: Merlin, I had two drumsticks.
Merlin: Maybe it fell on the floor. Arthur leans over to check and Merlin magically grabs the sausages.
Arthur: I had sausages!
Merlin: You sure? They must've fallen under the table.
Arthur: Merlin!
Merlin: What? You can search me, I haven't taken them.
Arthur: Well, where have they gone?
Merlin: Strange.
Arthur: Very.
Merlin: Sure you didn't eat them?
Arthur: I haven't had the chance!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lower Town / Dungeons
Merlin rushes through the lower town with the pitcher full of meat and runs into Halig. Guards drag Merlin into a dungeon cell. Halig overturns pitcher and meat drops out.
Merlin: It's just the Prince's leftovers.
Halig: Does he know you steal his food?
Merlin: Not exactly.
Halig: Where were you taking it?
Merlin: Home. For my dinner.
Halig: Really? The druid girl I'm looking for, have you seen her?
Merlin: No.
Halig: Do you know how much money she's worth to me? Merlin shakes his head.
Halig: More than your life. So I'm asking you again. Have you seen the druid girl?
Merlin: (shakes head) No. Halig pushes Merlin into a chair.
Halig: Hold him. I think you're lying to me.
Merlin: I'm not!
Halig: I don't believe you. Halig swing his arm back to punch Merlin.
Arthur: Halig! What do you think you're doing?
Halig: We caught the boy behaving suspiciously, Sire.
Arthur: Merlin?
Halig: He could be harbouring the girl, and he's gonna tell us where. Merlin shuts his eyes, waiting to be hit. Arthur grabs Halig's arm and gets Merlin out of the chair.
Arthur: Leave him alone. Merlin is my servant. He has my absolute trust. If you have a problem with him, you come to me. Do you understand?
Halig: Sire. (bows) Goodnight, Merlin. Don't forget your dinner. Arthur notices the meat on the floor.
Merlin: Thank you. Merlin notices Arthur staring at the meat on the floor.
Merlin: Ah.
Arthur: Are those my sausages?
Merlin: (nods) Mmm.
Arthur: You took them?
Merlin: To keep you in shape. Merlin picks up the meat.
Arthur: Are you saying I'm fat?
Merlin: No. Well, not yet.
Arthur: I am not fat!
Merlin: You see? It's working.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tunnels
Merlin goes to Freya in the tunnels.
Merlin: I'm sorry I took so long. You must be hungry. What is it?
Freya: Nothing.
Merlin: But you're upset.
Freya: No.
Merlin: D'you think I wasn't coming? But I promised you I would.
Freya: I scare most people away.
Merlin: I'm not most people. How long had you been in that cage?
Freya: A few days.
Merlin: And the bounty hunter?
Freya: Halig.
Merlin: How did he find you?
Freya: (sniffs) You can't always trust people.
Merlin: I know. That's why I left home.
Freya: Where is home?
Merlin: Ealdor. It's a small village. Just a few fields, a couple of cows. Nothing special.
Freya: My home was next to a lake surrounded by the tallest mountains. In the winter the storms whipped up the water into waves and you thought they were going to crash down and take away all the houses. But in the summer, wild flowers and light. It was like heaven.
Merlin: Sounds perfect.
Freya: It was.
Merlin: Was?
Freya: My family died.
Merlin: Have you been on your own ever since? You're not on your own anymore. I'm going to look after you. I promise.
Freya: You can't look after me. No one can.
Merlin: No, I don't think you understand. I've never known anyone like you. I wish I could stay.
Freya: You're going?
Merlin: We need to be careful. I'll come back in the morning. You know I will be back, don't you?
Freya: Merlin, I've never known anyone like you either.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lower Town
Gaius: I think they've been killed by some kind of wild animal.
Uther: Have you're men been able to track the creature?
Arthur: That's the strange thing, 'cause the ground is soft. Obviously a bear or wolf would leave some mark. But there are no tracks.
Gaius: Then what are these?
Arthur: Human footprints.
Gaius: But they're leading away from the bodies. Did someone escape the attack?
Arthur: No one's come forward.
Uther: Could the person who made these be responsible?
Gaius: I don't believe so. These wounds could only've been inflicted by a beast of considerable size.
Uther: And if this was done by neither a man nor beast, there's only one other explanation. It must be the work of a magical creature.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tunnels
Merlin: I know, I'm late again. Sorry. But, er, this is going to be the best bread you have ever tasted. What do you want with it? Come on. You can have anything. Ham. Cheese.
Freya: Strawberries.
Merlin: Strawberries it is. Merlin clears his throat and rubs hands together.
Merlin: Blóstma. Merlin opens his hands to reveal a red rose.
Freya: That's not a strawberry.
Merlin: Er, it's the right colour.
Freya: Why are you so good to me?
Merlin: Because I can't help it. I don't know. I like you. With you I can just be who I am. We don't have to hide anything. We don't have to worry.
Freya: Merlin, please, listen to me. I'm not like you.
Merlin: They must've followed me.
Freya: They're going to find me. I can't go back in that cage, I can't.
Merlin: Shh. I won't let that happen. I promised you I'd look after you, and I will. No matter what. You really don't realise how special you are, do you?
Freya: You're not scared of me?
Merlin: Being different's nothing to be scared of.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Physician's chambers
Merlin: *humming*
Gaius: Will you stop that?
Merlin: What?
Gaius: Sit down and eat your soup.
Merlin: *humming*
Gaius: Merlin.
Merlin: Sorry.
Gaius: What is wrong with you?
Merlin: Nothing. I feel great.
Gaius: Good. Then you can get on with some chores.
Merlin: Chores?
Gaius: Unless you have something better to do.
Merlin: Sorry, I'm going out.
Gaius: Well what time will you be back?
Merlin: Er, well don't wait up for me. I might be late.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tunnels
Freya: What are you doing here?
Merlin: I couldn't help it.
Freya: It's dangerous.
Merlin: I don't care.
Freya: No, Merlin, you have to be careful.
Merlin: Ugh, I'm fed up with being careful. I am fed up with all of this. So I've decided, we're going to get you out of here, out of Camelot.
Freya: How?
Merlin: I'll get you some clothes, disguise you. What's wrong?
Freya: It's just, I'm going to miss you.
Merlin: No, you won't, because I'm going to come with you.
Freya: What?
Merlin: I told you I'm going to look after you.
Freya: You can't. Don't say that.
Merlin: It's not what you want?
Freya: Merlin, you have a good life here. My life is...I have to keep moving, always looking over my shoulder, people chasing me.
Merlin: Then we'll go somewhere no one knows us. Somewhere far away. You haven't given me your answer.
Freya: I want that more than anything. Where will we go?
Merlin: Somewhere with mountains.
Freya: A few fields.
Merlin: Wild flowers.
Freya: A couple of cows.
Merlin: And a lake.
Freya: And a lake.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgana's chambers (day) Merlin knocks on Morgana's door.
Merlin: (muffled)Lady Morgana? Merlin enters.
Merlin: Lady Morgana? Merlin looks through Morgana's closet looking for a dress.
Gwen: Merlin? I'm sure there's an obvious explanation.
Merlin: There is.
Gwen: Which is?
Merlin: Moths.
Gwen: Moths?
Merlin: Yes. The castle's overrun with them.
Gwen: Really?
Merlin: I was just checking that they hadn't got in here as well.
Gwen: And have they?
Merlin: That's, that's totally infested. I have to burn it.
Gwen: Burn it?
Merlin: Yeah. And if we don't stop them, we'll all be walking around naked.
[SCENE_BREAK]
King's Palace corridor
Arthur sees Merlin with the dress.
Arthur: What are you doing?
Merlin: Er, running an errand for Gaius.
Arthur: For Gaius?
Merlin: Yes.
Arthur: Strange.
Merlin: Oh, I don't think it's for him.
Arthur: As long as you do a decent day's work, Merlin, that's all I care about.
Merlin: No, no. It's not for me.
Arthur: What a man does in his spare time is completely up to him.
Merlin: No, you- you've got this wrong.
Arthur: Colour suits you, Merlin.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lower Town (day)
Uther: The beast has struck again?
Gaius: I'm afraid so. The wounds match those of the previous victims.
Arthur: The man who saw it spoke of a huge black cat with wings.
Uther: I was right. This is not the work of a natural creature.
Gaius: Are there any tracks this time?
Arthur: Just human footprints again.
Uther: Can you identify this monster?
Gaius: I will need more time to investigate.
Uther: Oh, come on. You always have theories in these matters.
Gaius: This time, Sire, I prefer to wait till I'm certain.
Uther: There is no time to waste, Gaius.
Gaius: I'll report back to you before the day's out, Sire.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tunnels
Merlin brings Freya the dress in the tunnel.
Merlin: You look like a princess.
Freya: I'm not. I can't take this.
Merlin: Freya, I don't understand.
Freya: You keep doing all this for me. I don't deserve it.
Merlin: I want to. What's wrong?
Freya: Nothing.
Merlin: Here. Please. You'll look wonderful in it. We can leave tonight as soon as it gets dark and we'll be together.
Freya: We'll need supplies. Food, water.
Merlin: All right. I'll try to get horses, and we'll need blankets, but that's all we'll need.
Freya: Go on, go.
Merlin: I won't be long. Merlin leaves.
Freya: Goodbye, Merlin.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Physician's chambers
Merlin: Gaius, I was just...
Gaius: Merlin, sit down. I want to talk to you.
Merlin: Is everything alright? You look worried.
Gaius: The beast struck again last night. There are two more deaths in the lower town.
Merlin: Do you know what it is yet?
Gaius: Once more there were no tracks around the bodies, but human footprints were leadingaway from them.
Merlin: Right.
Gaius: It doesn't seem to add up. The footprints would indicate a human was responsible, but the wounds inflicted are definitely the work of some kind of beast.
Merlin: Strange.
Gaius: Yes. Until I remembered what Halig said about the druid girl, that she's cursed.
Merlin: What's that got to do with the monster?
Gaius: The ancient chronicles speak of a heinous curse. It dooms its victim to turn at the stroke of midnight into a vicious, bloodthirsty beast. The writers of old called this creature a Bastet: a monster of nightmare that inhabits the twilight world between the living and the dead. Merlin, I want the truth. Did you release the druid girl from the cage?
Merlin: Of course not!
Gaius: There was a time when you thought twice before lying to me.
Merlin: I did what was right.
Gaius: You know the creature and the girl are one and the same.
Merlin: You're wrong. Freya is just a girl.
Gaius: Merlin, please think about what I'm saying. You know it is the truth. Where is she now?
Merlin: No.
Gaius: She's killed already, and she'll kill again. She can't stop herself.
Merlin: Please, Gaius. Where are you going?
Gaius: To Uther.
Merlin: I'm begging you! Just give me some time to get her out of the city, please.
Gaius: I'm sorry. I can't let more innocent people die.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tunnels (night)
Merlin: Freya. Freya!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Merlin's chamber (night)
Gaius: I had no choice, Merlin. Uther had to be told.
Merlin: They won't find her. She's gone.
Gaius: I'm sorry. I do understand how you must feel, Merlin.
Merlin: You could never understand. Do you know how it feels to be a monster? To be afraid of who you are?
Gaius: Freya's very different from you. She's dangerous.
Merlin: Whatever she is, and whatever she's done, she doesn't deserve to die. I just hope she's safe. Somewhere far away. Warning bells sound.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lower town, a courtyard
Guard: There she is! Stop!
Freya: Please let me go.
Halig: No one escapes from me. The clock begins to chime. Freya begins screaming, transforming into Bastet. Arthur and the knights fight her in the square, Arthur wounds her. Merlin runs into the square, she sees him and flies off instead of attacking.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tunnels
Merlin finds Freya weeping and naked in the tunnels and he places his jacket over her.
Merlin: You're all right. You're safe now.
Freya: (crying) You must hate me.
Merlin: No.
Freya: I'm a monster. I tried to tell you.
Merlin: I know.
Freya: I wasn't always like this.
Merlin: Shh. You shouldn't try to talk.
Freya: There was a man. He attacked me. I didn't mean to hurt him, but I thought he was going to kill me.
Merlin: It was an accident.
Freya: His mother was a sorceress, and when she find out that I'd killed her son, she cursed me to kill forever more.
Merlin: I'm going to make you better, Freya.
Freya: No, Merlin, the wounds too deep. Please go.
Merlin: No. I'm not leaving you here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lake of Avalon (day)
Merlin takes Freya to the Lake of Avalon, surrounded by mountains.
Freya: You remembered.
Merlin: Of course. I'm so sorry for what that sorcerer did to you.
Freya: Merlin, you have nothing to be sorry for.
Merlin: There must be something I can do, some way to save you.
Freya: You've already saved me. You made me feel loved.Merlin: I don't want you to go.Freya: One day, Merlin, I will repay you. I promise. Merlin places Freya in a boat.
Merlin: Astyre. The spell sends the boat out onto the lake.
Merlin: Wæcce on sæbát bælfýr mæst. The spell ignites the boat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Physician's chambers
Gaius: Merlin, I was so worried.
Merlin: I'm sorry, Gaius.
Gaius: Where's the girl?
Merlin: She's gone. She's dead.
Gaius: I'm sorry, Merlin. Truly, I am.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Arthur's chambers
Merlin cleans Arthur's boots, sitting on the floor.
Arthur: Ah, Merlin. I'm looking for you.
Merlin: Yeah, right, er, you're gonna ask me to polish your armour and to, er, wash your clothes and clean your room. Arthur sits down on the floor next to Merlin.
Arthur: Something's been upsetting you, hasn't it?
Merlin: Maybe.
Arthur: Was it when I threw water over you?
Merlin: It wasn't very nice.
Arthur: It was a bit unfair. Like when you called me fat.
Merlin: Why was that unfair?
Arthur: Because I am not f... Arthur puts Merlin in a headlock and rubs his hair with his knuckles.
Merlin: Ow! Ah!
Arthur: Still think I need to get in shape?
Merlin: No! No! No, no, no, no!
Arthur: That's better.
Merlin: Thanks.
Arthur: You are right, though. You need to polish my armour, wash my clothes, and clean my room. | Plan: A: Freya; Q: Who is the beautiful druid girl trapped in a bounty hunter's cage? A: her escape; Q: What does Merlin want to help Freya do? A: Gaius; Q: Who warns Merlin against helping Freya escape? A: the bounty hunter; Q: Who is searching for his missing prize? A: a ferocious magical beast; Q: What is on the loose? A: Merlin's intense new friendship; Q: What is tested to the limit? Summary: When Merlin discovers the beautiful druid girl Freya trapped in a bounty hunter's cage, he knows he must help her escape. Gaius warns against getting involved, but Merlin refuses to listen, harbouring Freya in the tunnels beneath Camelot. But with the bounty hunter searching for his missing prize and a ferocious magical beast on the loose, Freya cannot stay hidden for long. Merlin's intense new friendship is tested to the limit, and he is forced to make some heartbreaking decisions as he battles to keep Freya safe. |
[A Bar]
(Elena, Matt, Caroline, Bonnie and Jeremy are all drinking and having fun)
Bonnie: What is she doing?
Caroline: Having fun, obviously
Matt: It's about time, too. Take it off!
Caroline: Matt!
Elena: Jeremy, come on. To friends
Everyone: To friends!
Elena: Am I seriously that easy to impersonate or do you guys not know me at all?
Jeremy: Elena, what's going on?
Elena: When have I ever danced on a bar half-naked? Do you think that I would come to a college bar with my underage brother and do Tequila shots?
Matt: Elena, what are you talking about?
Elena: I'm not Elena, Matt. I'm Katherine. It's not me. You guys know me. I wouldn't do that. Guys, Katherine has taken over my body. This isn't me
[Whitmore College]
(Elena wakes up in her dorm. She gets up and looks around)
Elena: Hello? Hello?
Stefan: Hey. You're awake
Elena: Stefan. What are you doing here? Where is everyone?
Stefan: Everyone's gone. The whole school cleared out for spring break. You've been in and out since you first woke up
Elena: Oh. Ok, yeah, that makes sense. I thought I was going crazy. What's going on? What...?
Stefan: We had to seal you into the building. We have a lot of catching up to do
Elena: The last thing I remember, I was running through the woods, and my head felt like it was being attacked by Katherine's whole life. Then I saw Damon, I threw my arms around him, and...Then nothing
Stefan: Yeah, that was about 3 weeks ago
Elena: 3 weeks ago? Wow. 3 weeks, huh? And yet, it took just one second for Katherine to infect me with some virus that makes me want to kill all my friends
Stefan: Well, you know Katherine. She's not about to go out without a grand finale
Elena: Do you really think this whole lockdown is necessary? I mean... I feel fine
Stefan: Look, we shouldn't take any chances. If Damon taught us anything, it's that the virus makes you want to attack at the mere scent of vampire blood
Elena: How did you...
Stefan: Liv
Elena: Liv?
Stefan: She's a new witch. Bonnie's been teaching her some spells. Look, I know that this is a lot to process, but just know that Caroline is out looking for an antidote, and in the meantime, we've figured out a way to ration blood to keep you satiated. We're gonna figure this out, ok?
Elena: I need to talk to Damon
[Salvatore's House]
(Damon is still tied up in the basement. Jeremy and Matt enter)
Damon: Hilarious. Give me the damn cup. Wipe that smile off your face
Jeremy: Hey, you're lucky I'm even helping you, considering the last thing you did for me was to tell Enzo to strangle me to death
Damon: Quit crying. You're still around
Matt: Yeah, more than we can say for Aaron Whitmore. Weren't he and Elena tight?
Jeremy: Yep
Matt: Does she know Damon killed him?
Jeremy: I don't know. Does she?
Damon: No, she doesn't, because I'm gonna be the one to tell her. And if either one of you clowns beats me to it, I'll rip your tongue out
(Jeremy's phone rings)
Damon: Don't even think about it
(Jeremy answers)
Jeremy: Damon's phone
Elena: Jer?
Jeremy: Elena. Hey. How you feeling?
Elena: Confused but good. I miss you
Jeremy: Same here
Damon: I killed you once before, Gilbert. I'll kill you again
Jeremy: Someone wants to speak to you
(He gives the phone to Damon and then they leave)
Damon: Hey, you
Elena: Hey you
Damon: So, eat anyone yet?
Elena: Nope. So far, I am symptom-free. Although Stefan still has me on the "Damon diet" just in case
Damon: Oh, yeah, it sucks. Oof. You're gonna be craving carbs constantly. But hey, you know what? There's a plus side.You get to keep your girlish figure
Elena: I'm calling you on a pay phone
Damon: Well, how retro of you. Does that mean you've memorized my phone number?
Elena: Maybe. Katherine put a pass code on my cell, so, I can't use it
Damon: Ah, that would explain all those crazy Instagram pics you've been uploading lately
Elena: What?!
Damon: Kidding, kidding
Elena: Damon, that's not funny. I don't know what I've been doing for the last 3 weeks
Damon: I know. I'm sorry. Well, what do you want to know? I'll tell you
Elena: How did she do it?
Damon: How did she do what?
Elena: Break your heart
Damon: Oh. That. I don't know.It's not like it's been playing on a loop in my head over and over again so I barely remember
Elena: I'm so sorry. I really am. I mean the last thing I remember, I was running into your arms and I felt so safe
Damon: Well, it was all downhill from there
Elena: I wanted to fight for you. I still do
Damon: Oh, Elena, the second we're cured of this and we don't want to rip each other's heads off, I am going to hunt you down and give you the most mind-blowing night of your life
Elena: I think I could schedule you in. One question: How exactly do we cure this?
[A Warehouse]
(Caroline is looking through Wes' stuff and finds his voice recorder)
Wes: I've managed to extract the werewolf venom from Nadia Petrova's blood. The addition of the venom will make the ripper virus even more lethal to vampires
Caroline: Oh, my God
Enzo: So, werewolves are real. I was told that was just like, you know, a joke. I'm Enzo
Caroline: The Enzo?
Enzo: No, the other one
Caroline: All right, other Enzo, I don't know what it is you're doing here, but I don't want any part of it
Enzo: I'm here for the same reason you are. I want this vampire-feeding virus out of our lives
Caroline: Why? You want your killing buddy back? Killing innocent people not as much fun when you're alone?
Enzo: Right. Damon mentioned you get a little judgy. Then again, he also said you had a thing for accents
Caroline: Just stay out of it. We don't need any more problems
Enzo: Then you're not the least bit impressed that I have the antidote?
[Whitmore College]
(Elena is still on the phone with Damon)
Damon: Can we talk about the irony of Katherine Pierce sitting through a college lecture?
Elena: Oh, no, I'm flunking, aren't I?
Damon: No way. If anything, there's some sucker probably compelled to spend his entire spring break doing your homework
Elena: Yeah, you're probably right. Let's add that to the list of things I need to fix, starting with Aaron
Damon: Aaron? What the hell does he have to do with anything?
Elena: I haven't seen or talked to him since he found out that I was a vampire and thought I wanted to kill him
Damon: Well, uh...you probably won't find him
Elena: Why?
Damon: No reason
Stefan: Elena
Elena: Uh, Stefan just got here. He bought me a new cell phone. I'm gonna call you right back, ok?
(She hangs up)
Stefan: You ok?
Elena: Uh, not feeling so good all of a sudden
Stefan: It's because you're starving
Elena: Yeah
Stefan: Here, I got you 4 ounces of my blood. You won't be scaling any buildings, but it'll curb the cravings
Elena: Thank you. Ahh. I need more
Stefan: I'm sorry
Elena: I feel fine, Stefan. I just... I just need a little more
Stefan: You're not fine, Elena
Elena: Trust me. I just... I can handle this
Stefan: Think so?
Elena: Yeah
Stefan: You're not fine, Elena
Elena: She's turning me into a monster. I'm a ripper, aren't I?
Stefan: You'll feed until you kill, yeah
Elena: I hate her. No, you know what? I hate myself. Because I was dumb enough to sit next to her while she was dying and actually forgive her
(Stefan answers his phone. It's Caroline)
Stefan: Hey
Elena: Please tell me that's some good news
Caroline: Bad news. It's not the same virus
Stefan: What is it?
Caroline: Dr. Creepenstein was working on the next phase of his virus. When Nadia was sick, he was experimenting on her blood and then he figured out a way to extract werewolf venom from her blood and put it into the virus
Stefan: Hey, what do you mean werewolf venom? That means it's fatal
Elena: Oh, my God
Caroline: Hello? You don't think I would just drop this on you without a silver lining? There's an antidote. It just requires you to come meet me. I'll text you the address
Stefan: Or you can just bring it over here
Caroline: No, you have to go there, and don't ask me why because I can't tell you
Stefan: Caroline, that doesn't make any sense. Just tell me exactly...
Caroline: If I could tell you, don't you think I would be there right now to help Elena?I'll text you the address
Stefan: I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what is going on
Caroline: The Travelers don't want anyone to know what they're up to. And by anyone I mean newbie emo witch types with bad attitudes. Just get there fast, ok? (They hang up)
Stefan: I'll see you soon
Elena: Stefan?
Stefan: Yeah?
Elena: Why did she stay?
Stefan: What do you mean?
Elena: Katherine. Why didn't she run like she normally does?Why did she stay?
Stefan: Oh. You know Katherine. Staying alive wasn't enough. She...She wanted it all
Elena: You mean you. She wanted you. Did we ever...?
Stefan: Actually, we... We kissed
Elena: Oh, ok. Um... And then...?
Stefan: And then I pulled away. Then I put it together. She wasn't you. I gotta go
[A Bar]
(Bonnie is with Liv)
Liv: I mean, you gotta admit, it was pretty rad. I locked a vampire in her dorm with an invisible seal. I mean, how many newbie witches have that on their resume?
Bonnie: If they do, they don't brag about it as loudly
Liv: Come on. This place is dead. Like serious spring break-hiatus. Besides, you're not even a little proud of me?
Bonnie: Ok, hot shot. Set it on fire
Liv: What?
Bonnie: Simple fire spell
Liv: Ok
(She casts the spell)
Liv: That's weird
Bonnie: Guess your resume still needs a little padding
[Whitmore House]
(Elena is on the phone)
Aaron: Hey, it's Aaron. Leave me a message, or don't. Whatever
Elena: Hey, Aaron, it's Elena. I... ahem. I hope that you're off on some private island somewhere enjoying your spring break. Look, a lot has happened... And I'd really like to talk about it. If you're still willing to talk to me. So, call me back, ok? All right. Bye
(She finds her diary and reads what Katherine has written)
Katherine: Dear diary. I love my life. Seriously. Becoming Elena Gilbert is the best thing that has ever happened to me
Elena: Oh, my God
Katherine: Spent the day on the road with Stefan, although the highlight was our little pit stop at the hotel. I had to wash up after "accidentally" getting grease on my shirt
Hallucination
[A Hotel]
(Katherine and Stefan enter)
Katherine: Oh, well. I didn't like this shirt anyway
(She removes it)
Stefan: Ahh. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Warning the next time?
Katherine: It's nothing you haven't seen before
Stefan: I know. I'm just saying there's a bathroom less than 10 feet away
Katherine: You know, that's what I like about you, Stefan. Always a gentleman. You don't have to turn away, you know. There's nothing stopping us. We're both single now. And we're alone
(They kiss but suddenly she stops. She's Elena again)
Elena: Stefan, it's not me. It's Katherine, Stefan. She's seducing you. Stop
Stefan: What are you doing?
Elena: This isn't me, Stefan.Can't you tell? After everything we've been through... I wouldn't lead you on like that
(She's about to leave but Damon enters)
Elena: Damon?
Damon: Stefan, Stefan, Stefan. "I have grease on my shirt. I need to wash up"? Come on, man, that's the oldest trick in the book
Stefan: It's not like you saw through her
Damon: I wasn't the one making out with her
Elena: Stop it, ok? Both of you. This is what she wants. Even dead, she is ruining our lives
Stefan: Oh, you think this is bad? You have no idea, do you?
Elena: About what? About what, Stefan?
Back to reality
Elena: What the hell is happening to me?
[Train Track]
(Caroline and Stefan arrive)
Stefan: He'll tell her
Caroline: When?
Stefan: "Hey, Elena, I killed Aaron." It's not exactly casual conversation
Caroline: Killing someone in cold blood isn't casual but Damon managed that just fine
Enzo: Or I can just tell her. Considering I was lying in the road when he stopped his car
Stefan: So, what's in this for you? Aside from getting Damon to undo every positive decision he's ever made?
Enzo: Is it such an anomaly for Damon to have a friend? Well, if so, consider me honored
Caroline: Ok, we're here. Where is the antidote?
(Travelers and Sloan rejoin them)
Stefan: Who are you?
Sloan: I'm Sloan, and you met some of the Travelers when they were taking a bucket of your blood
Stefan: Oh, yeah. How could I forget? So, you have the antidote to this ripper virus, correct?
Sloan: We do, thanks to Enzo
Enzo: I was trapped in that bloody farm house with Damon. Set to have my head torn off when out of nowhere Wes, with the help of the Travelers, saved my life. On the condition I owed him one
Caroline: What does that have to do with us?
Enzo: He was running low on vampires, and he needed one to continue his work, so I let him experiment on me. Among other things, it allowed him to make an antidote.
Sloan When he died, the Travelers took it. And seeing as Elena is valuable to us, we're in the process of using Wes's resources to find a cure for her virus as well
Stefan: Fine. When will it be done?
Sloan: First we have to find something
Stefan: Ok. What do you need?
Sloan: Another one of you
[Whitmore College]
(Elena is on the phone with Damon)
Damon: What do you mean werewolf venom?
Elena: I mean, I'm deteriorating. Slowly. I seem to be hallucinating all my worst fears. So, that's been fun
Damon: I should come over there
Elena: You can't. We would tear each other apart, remember? Besides, I... I look gross
Damon: Oh, yeah, well, never mind. Would be awful
Elena: Distract me
Damon: All right. What are you wearing?
Elena: Damon, come on. Tell me. What else have I missed?
Damon: Ok, ok, ok, let's see. Um...It's been unseasonably cold. Jeremy bought a bunch of new X-Box games that are ridiculously loud and obnoxious. Tyler had a party. It was lame. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Did you hear the gossip?
Elena: What gossip?
Damon: Caroline and an original hybrid sittin' in a tree
Elena: No!
Damon: Yep
Elena: Are you serious? Caroline and Klaus? Wait, does Tyler know about this?
Damon: Yup, and guess who told him
Elena: Katherine? Katherine is such a bitch
Damon: That she is
Elena: Sorry
Damon: You ok?
Elena: Um...I just don't understand why Stefan's off at some mystery location. Why don't we hunt down Wes and force him to make us an antidote?
Damon: That's easier said than done. Wes is dead
Elena: What?
Damon: I killed him. Please don't act like he didn't deserve it
Elena: What about Aaron, Damon? He didn't deserve that. Wes was pretty much the closest thing that Aaron had to a family
Damon: Soup's on. The highlight of my day.I will check on you later, ok?
Elena: Yeah. Yeah, ok
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Train Tracks]
Stefan: What do you mean there is another one of me out there?
Enzo: Ever stop to think there might be another doppelganger roaming around? Clearly, you don't know your Traveler lore
Caroline: I'm sorry, and you do?
Enzo: Having stuck with them for the past few weeks, I've picked up a few things. Like how the last remaining pair of doppelgangers are special
Caroline: Special how?
Sloan: None of your business
Enzo: You'll have to excuse Sloan. She's under a bit of stress. The leader of the Travelers... Marcus, was it?
Sloan: Markos
Enzo: Markos. See, he wants the blood from the last remaining pair of doppelgangers, i.e., you and Elena
Caroline: Why?
Enzo: Apparently, it's special
Stefan: Special how?
Enzo: Don't think I didn't ask. As we've witnessed, the Travelers are very secretive. But what we do know is that until the last doppelganger's out of the picture, your blood, when mixed with Elena's, doesn't do squat
Stefan: So, what, you do a locator spell to find this guy and then you kill him?
Sloan: It's more of a linking spell
Stefan: Last time a witch linked me to my doppelganger, she fried my brain and I lost my memory
Sloan: Then we better be careful
Hallucination
[Whitmore College]
(Elena is sitting on the ground and sees Aaron)
Elena: Aaron?
Aaron: Hey there
Elena: I thought you were on spring break
Aaron: Are you ok?
Elena: I'm sick. It's a long story. Look, I really wanted to talk to you about everything, because the last couple weeks, I haven't been myself. Literally. Katherine Pierce has been inside my body and...
Aaron: Ooh. That would explain a lot, actually
Elena: Why? Did I do something?
(She enters his room)
Elena: Why is none of your stuff here?
Aaron: Because I'm not actually here
Elena: What do you mean?Are you another hallucination? Are you dead? Did I do this to you? Aaron, tell me that I didn't kill you. Did I kill you?Tell me that I didn't kill you. Please. Please
Back to reality
[Whitmore University]
(Elena regains consciousness. A boy is here)
Boy: Elena. Elena. Wow, Elena Gilbert.Get up you lush. I see someone started her spring break early
Elena: How did you get in here? I thought the door was closed
Boy: David dumped my ass... at senor frog's, of all horrifying places. He thought I was cheating on him. So, I took the first flight out of Cancun and here I am
Elena: Do I know you?
Luke: I'm Luke. We met at the Bitter Ball?You're very drunk. All right, let me shower off this airplane stench and we can drown our sorrows in rum runners
Elena: That doesn't sound like a good idea
Luke: Do not tell me you and Stefan hooked up while I was gone? Whoa, are you ok?
Elena: I'm just so thirsty
Luke: Ok. We'll get you some water, all right?
Elena: Don't touch me
Luke: You need help
Elena: No, what I need is to feed
(She compels him)
Elena: Don't move. I need vampire blood
Luke: What are you doing?
Elena: I need to turn you. I'm sorry. What is that? What... what is it?
Luke: Uh, my paranoid boyfriend thought they were hickies but it obviously is some kind of disgusting rash or something
Elena: Or your friend "Elena" was feeding on you. Listen to me. Forget this conversation. Go find Bonnie Bennett. Tell her to come here and bring the witch. I need to get out of here right now. Go! Run!
(Elena is on the phone with Damon)
Elena: I don't know what's happening to me, Damon
Damon: I know. Look, you're sick. So, just try to relax
Elena: I feel like no one's telling me the truth, Damon. I can't tell what's real anymore
Damon: Stefan will be there really soon
Elena: I did it, didn't I? I killed him
Damon: What?
Elena: Aaron. That's what you're so afraid to tell me. Aaron. I killed him
Damon: Listen, Elena, I will tell you everything, but right now is not the time
Elena: Now is not the time, Damon? I'm dying. I almost turned a student today that Katherine apparently befriended just so that I could feed on him. When would a good time be, huh?
Damon: Listen, Elena, whoa, whoa. Calm down. Listen to my voice. You will get through this. I will help you
Elena: No. No, no, no, no... you're lying. You're lying!
Damon: Elena, calm down, please
Elena: Why is everyone lying to me? You're lying to me. Why is everyone lying to me? Why is everyone lying to me?
[Salvatore's House]
(Damon has lost contact with Elena)
Damon: Donovan! Donovan, get your ass in here!
(Matt enters)
Matt: Chill. I'm right here. What?
Damon: Phone's dead. Charge it for me
Matt: Too much sexting with Elena?
Damon: How about you never say that again
(Matt approaches and Damon strangles him)
Matt: Damon, stop. Jeremy!
(Jeremy enters)
Jeremy: Whoa! What the hell?
Damon: I need to see your sister. Undo my chains or I'll kill him
Jeremy: I can't. You'll kill her
Damon: She's gonna hurt herself, Jeremy. She's totally unraveling
Matt: Don't do it, Jeremy
Damon: Don't be an idiot, Jeremy. Trust me. She needs me. I would never hurt her, Jeremy
[Train Tracks]
(Stefan and Caroline are walking)
Caroline: Look, I know there's a lot of them, but between you, me, and Enzo, I bet we can take them
Stefan: Did you really just say that?
Caroline: Sorry. I'm desperate
Stefan: It'll be fine
Caroline: Yeah, until you lose your memory again
Stefan: Well, if I lose my memory, then I won't remember I had anything to worry about in the first place. V
Caroline: Who volunteers themselves for witchy electric shock therapy?
Stefan: Me, and I would do it for you, too. Look, let's just say that they do fry my brain...
Caroline: I'll kill them
Stefan: Right, and then you'll spiral out of control about killing them. And then, do me a favor. Remind me, we were friends
(They rejoin Sloan, Enzo and the travelers)
Sloan: That's for you. Sit
Stefan: Where are the antidotes?
Sloan: You'll get it when we're done
Stefan: No, you'll hand them over right now. I'm here. I'm doing everything you want me to
Enzo: I'll take them. I'll make sure the appropriate parties get them. If you don't trust me, you're welcome to join, goldilocks
Caroline: No, I want to stay with Stefan
Enzo: Very well. Best of luck
(He leaves and Stefan sits down)
Caroline: Wait, you said that you weren't gonna hurt him
Sloan: No, I said I'd try not to hurt him. We need his blood for the spell
Stefan: Wait a second. Tessa didn't need my blood when she linked me to Silas
Sloan: Good for her. We do
(She starts casting a spell)
[Whitmore College]
(Elena burn some of her things. Bonnie and Lexi arrive)
Bonnie: Elena, what are you doing?
Elena: I'm cleansing myself of anything that Katherine touched. Toothbrush. My clothes. My sheets
Bonnie: Elena, stop. You're not yourself
Elena: That's ironic, because I wasn't myself for weeks, and yet nobody noticed
Lexi: She's losing it
Elena: Are you Liv? I'm sorry if we've met before, but I'm really gonna need you to drop this seal and let me out right now
Bonnie: It's too dangerous for you to be out in public when you're sick
Elena: You think that's dangerous, Bonnie? If you don't drop this seal right now, I will kill you
Bonnie: Elena, stop. This is the virus. It's in your head. Katherine wanted to destroy you, and it's working. You have to fight it
Elena: Oh, my God. You're right. You're right, Bonnie. You're right. I can't... I'm letting her win. I'm letting her win. I can't let her win. I'm not gonna let her win
Bonnie: Uhh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Elena: You will die if I don't give you my blood to heal you, so, you're gonna have to drop the seal. Otherwise, you're gonna bleed to death. So, hurry. It's your choice
[Train Tracks]
(Sloan and the travelers are still casting the spell)
Caroline: Why is this taking so long?
Sloan: Just a little deeper. I see him. He's in a city
Stefan: He's in Atlanta
Caroline: Good. That's great. You found him
Sloan: Keep going. Push harder
Caroline: You said that you know where he is. What are you doing?
Sloan: I'm not done. The link is strong enough. We need more information
Caroline: You're pushing him too hard! He's gonna lose everything. Stop!
Sloan: We need the doppelganger dead. Louder!
(Caroline intervenes)
Sloan: If you hurt me, they'll kill you
Caroline: Tell them to stop. There's a way we can all get what we want
[Whitmore College]
(Elena is wandering on campus when she sees Aaron)
Aaron: Elena?
Elena: Oh, my God. Aaron? Are you alive?
Aaron: You don't look so hot
Elena: No. No, I'm good. I'm good now. I'm good now. I thought... I thought I killed you. I didn't kill you. You're right here. Oh! You're still alive
(It's actually Damon and not Aaron)
Damon: It's me. It's Damon. Hey. You're hallucinating. Here. Drink this. It's Stefan's blood. Drink this
Elena: She won. Katherine won
Damon: Don't say that
Elena: Look at me, Damon. Look at me. Look at me. The plague of Katherine Pierce lives on. She's turning me into something that I'm not. Look at me. I'm a monster. Liv, the witch, I almost killed her. And my friends, I mean, I want to kill my friends. I think... I think if I killed my friends...
Damon: Come here. It's ok
Elena: No, it's not ok! It's not ok, Damon. I killed Aaron Whitmore
Damon: No...No
Elena: He keeps...following me everywhere. I'm hallucinating that Aaron's around here
Damon: Elena, look at me. Hey, look at me. You did not kill Aaron Whitmore. I did
Elena: What? Why? W... was it because of the virus? Did you need to turn him?
Damon: It was before I was infected. Listen, if you want specifics, it was the night that I thought that you broke up with me, Elena. I killed him to convince myself that you were right. That I was the type of person who could kill in cold blood, and I was never gonna change. That's why. I need you to say something
Elena: Why is Enzo here?
Enzo: Sorry to interrupt, but I have the antidote. Although from the looks of it, you'd both rather be dead
[Train Tracks]
(Stefan wakes up. Caroline is with him)
Caroline: Hi
Stefan: Rebekah. Hi
Caroline: Oh, my God
Stefan: I'm kidding
Caroline: It was funnier the first time
Stefan: Did it work?
(Enzo rejoins them)
Enzo: Engine's running, blondie. Appreciate the call. Let's go do this thing
Stefan: Did I miss something?
Caroline: Sloan was gonna fry your brain in order to kill your other you. I wasn't about to let that happen, so, I may have volunteered to help Enzo deal with it
Stefan: You mean...kill him. Caroline, I can't let you...
Caroline: They only want one alive, remember? It's you or him
Stefan: All right, fine, well, I'm coming with you
Enzo: No, mate, you aren't. They need to use you to keep track of him. Tick-tock, gorgeous. Time is of the essence
Caroline: I'll be fine, Stefan. Besides, you'd do the same for me, right?
Stefan: I don't trust him
Caroline: Don't worry. I don't, either. I'll be safe. I promise
[Whitmore College]
(Bonnie and Liv are together)
Liv: Guess we should donate my shirt to Elena's fire cleanse
Bonnie: I'm so sorry about all this
Liv: Hey, I survived my first vampire attack. I mean, it's just one more thing to add to the resume
Bonnie: Look, if you don't want any part of this, I get it. Magic isn't for everyone. I won't be offended
Liv: No. I want this. And I want you to teach me
Bonnie: Good. Then I'll see you tomorrow bright and early for some levitation
Liv: Awesome. Catch you tomorrow
(Liv enters her room and finds Luke inside)
Luke: Show off
Liv: Luke, what the hell? I was about to take my shirt off
Luke: Relax. I'm gay and your brother, so technically, you're the least attractive person in the world to me. Are you ok? I'm sorry I had to drag you into this, but Elena thought she was compelling me and I couldn't give up the ruse
Liv: I'm fine. After Elena gutted me, she gave me some of her blood
Luke: And how is our precious anchor to the other side?
Liv: I'm letting her think she's teaching me magic. It's kind of cute
Luke: Until she realizes her friends are in jeopardy. Then, not so cute
[Salvatore's House]
(Damon hands a glass to Elena)
Elena: No
Damon: She speaks. churning around in that beautiful head of yours?
Elena: You should have noticed
Damon: What?
Elena: That I was Katherine. That Katherine was me. You should have been the one that noticed
Damon: You don't think I know that?
Elena: If only you'd seen through her, Damon... There would be no vampire virus. Aaron would still be alive...
Damon: Katherine didn't do this. I did. I thought you broke my heart so I ripped open Aaron's neck. That is how much control you have over me
Elena: And I'm still here. That's how much control you have over me
Damon: Listen to us. This is toxic. We are in a toxic relationship, Elena. I just killed your friend and you find someone else to blame
Elena: You want me to blame you? Easy. Done. You screwed up, Damon. Again
Damon: Thank you!
Elena: You put me in a position where I have to defend you. Again. Where I have to bend my morals. Again. Where I have to go against every single thing that I believe in. Again! Because I love you
Damon: Then stop loving me
Elena: I can't!
Damon: Well, that's the problem. We don't work!
Elena: I know
Damon: Then we agree. This has to end
Elena: It just did It's over. We're over
(They kiss) | Plan: A: a nightmare; Q: What did Elena have about having her body taken over? A: Stefan; Q: Who does Elena hallucinate in her dream? A: the virus; Q: What did Elena get infected with? A: Damon; Q: Who does Elena call when she wakes up in her dorm? A: Aaron; Q: Who did Damon kill? A: Dr. Wes' files; Q: Where did Caroline discover that Dr Wes combined the werewolf venom from Nadia's blood with the vampire killing virus? A: blood; Q: What does Elena drain from her nose when she sees Stefan? A: Enzo; Q: Who shows up with the antidote for Elena's virus? A: Bonnie; Q: Who is the girl who works with Liv on spells? A: her diary; Q: What did Elena read that Katherine wrote in? A: her hallucination; Q: Where does Damon show up in the episode? A: another Stefan doppelgänger; Q: What do the Travelers want to find? A: a spell; Q: What do the Travelers perform on Stefan? A: Luke; Q: Who is Elena's friend? A: the seal; Q: What does Bonnie tell Elena to drop on the dorm? A: Liv's dorm room; Q: Where does Luke show up? A: magic; Q: What does Liv already know? Summary: Elena has a nightmare about having her body taken over and wakes up to find her dorm empty. Stefan explains they had to lock her in her dorm after she'd been infected by the virus. Her first instinct is to call Damon but at the same time, Damon is trying to figure out how to tell Elena that he killed Aaron and also infected with the same virus. Elena calls Damon while they are both trapped, but he doesn't tell her. While going through Dr. Wes' files, Caroline discovers that Dr Wes combined the werewolf venom from Nadia's blood with the vampire killing virus, and is surprised when Enzo appears, claiming to have an antidote for the virus, but needs Stefan in order for her to get it. Bonnie works with Liv on teaching her spells. Elena reads her diary that Katherine wrote in and hallucinates Stefan with Katherine and stopping him from doing anything else. Damon shows up in her hallucination but she snaps out of it as blood drips from her nose. Stefan, Caroline, and Enzo go to see the Travelers who have the antidote for Damon's virus and are working on one for Elena's. They want to find another Stefan doppelgänger. They perform a spell on Stefan as well as drain some blood. Elena continues to hallucinate and imagines Aaron being dead. Luke, Elena's 'friend' shows up and she almost turns him, but instead compels him to find Bonnie. Bonnie and Liv show up where Elena is unraveling and stabs her, telling her to drop the seal on the dorm. Damon shows up and gives her Stefan's blood and tells Elena about killing Aaron. Enzo shows up with the antidote for both of them. Caroline and Enzo volunteer to do what the Travelers want and kill the other doppelgänger, because they only want one alive. Luke shows up in Liv's dorm room, revealing they have ulterior motives behind everything (Liv already knows magic and Luke wasn't being compelled). At the end of the episode Elena and Damon both agree they're bad for each other, end things, but then they sleep together. |
INFERNO
by: DON HOUGHTON
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE
(The garage doors buzz open and LIZ and the BRIGADIER run in. The TARDIS dematerialisation noise starts up.)
LIZ: Doctor!
(They watch as Bessie, the console and the DOCTOR fade out of existence. LIZ rushes over to the set of junction boxes and pulls down the handles several times but the entire unit is dead.)
LIZ: Nothing.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Miss Shaw...?
LIZ: Stahlman's cut off the power. Wherever the Doctor is...he's trapped.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I think you'd better tell me what's been going on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(The countdown clock reads 49:18:33 and ticks away, second by second. LIZ and the BRIGADIER enter central control and go up to PROFESSOR STAHLMAN who is stood near to the computer with SIR KEITH GOLD.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Professor Stahlman?
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: No, not now, Brigadier.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I want you to reconnect the power to the Doctor's hut.
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Don't be ridiculous, my dear man.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Professor Stahlman, the Doctor has disappeared.
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Delighted.) Excellent! At last he's done what he was told!
LIZ: No, no, you don't understand, he was engaged in an experiment and you switched off the power at a critical moment. Now, you've got to restore it.
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Well, I denied the man a power source when he was under me feet, I'm certainly not going to reconnect it now he's gone.
SIR KEITH GOLD: Stahlman, do be reasonable.
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I've been more than reasonable. Up till now, I've tolerated these crackpot experts and advisors and only offered a...a, a token objection. But now that we've accelerated the drilling programme, I won't be obstructed any further.
SIR KEITH GOLD: (Angrily.) You had no right to accelerate the programme without proper consultation with the Ministry.
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: (Coldly.) I have every right, Sir Keith.
SIR KEITH GOLD: Very well, I'm sorry, but I shall have to refer the matter to the Minister.
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Please do. I can tell you exactly what he'll say - that "this project is vital to our industrial future. The country needs the new power source and Stahlman is the only one who can give it to us!"
LIZ: (Pleading.) Please! We must have a nuclear power system reconnected at once.
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: The matter is closed, Miss Shaw. Under no circumstances will any power, of any sort, be reconnected to the Doctor's hut.
(He storms off.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, we tried.
SIR KEITH GOLD: What exactly has happened to the Doctor?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He's...vanished.
LIZ: And we're afraid he's in some kind of danger.
SIR KEITH GOLD: Yes, well, we're all likely to be in some kind of danger, Miss Shaw - unless we can persuade the Professor to slow down the drilling rate.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Will you really go to London, sir?
SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, I have no alternative. Something must be done about that man.
LIZ: Do you think they'll listen to you?
SIR KEITH GOLD: Well, I very much doubt it. Stahlman was right. They believe he's the only one who can succeed with this project. I'm just a figurehead.
LIZ: When will you go?
SIR KEITH GOLD: As soon as I clear up my work here.
LIZ: Well, shouldn't you go at once, Sir Keith?
SIR KEITH GOLD: My dear young lady, this project is at a crucial stage. If Stahlman can find the slightest excuse to accuse me of inefficiency, who will listen to me then? Now, if you'll excuse me?
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. DRILL-HEAD
(The entire palm of STAHLMAN'S shaking hand is still green. He desperately rubs at it and then gives up and pulls a pair of white gloves out of his pocket and starts to put them on. A troubled PETRA walks up to him, clipboard in hand and looks at his now gloved hand in concern.)
PETRA WILLIAMS: Are you all right, Professor Stahlman?
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: Perfectly.
PETRA WILLIAMS: Hadn't you better get a Doctor to...
PROFESSOR STAHLMAN: I'm perfectly all right. I suggest we...continue with our work, Petra.
PETRA WILLIAMS: Very well, here are the latest acceleration reports.
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(Back in central control, a calm BRIGADIER is talking with LIZ.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I tell you; there's nothing more we can do - I'm sorry.
LIZ: (Accusingly.) You don't seem very worried.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Professor Stahlman seems determined to blow us all to kingdom come, the Doctor has vanished into thin air and I have a number of unsolved murders on my hands - I promise you, Miss Shaw, I'm worried.
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: DIMENSION BARRIER
(Across the dimensions...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE
(...the DOCTOR comes to on the floor of his garage. He opens his eyes and sits up next to the TARDIS console. Somewhat still groggy, he clambers to his feet and looks at the silent and dead console. He turns to Bessie and stops when he realises that the car is facing the garage doors whereas he drove the vehicle the other way round into the building. He then looks round and sees that the packed wooden shelves of the garage have been replaced with a series of metal shelves on which are a number of neatly stored boxes. He puts on his driving gloves and walks over to where the junction box should be. However, that has gone and in its place is a noticeboard which is dominated by a large poster of a moustached man wearing a suit and the slogan "UNITY IS STRENGTH".)
DOCTOR: (Quietly puzzled.) "Unity is strength"?
(He looks round.)
DOCTOR: Who's been messing about with my equipment?
(He stands in front of the doors and pulls out his sonic screwdriver. But when he switches it on, the doors fail to slide open. He shakes the device, looks at it and tries again but once more the doors do not part. He gives up and puts a hand between the doors...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: EXT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE
(...and pushes one of them open. Still somewhat disorientated and rubbing his eyes, he looks at the area immediately outside his garage. All seems the same but when he turns to the other door, he seems that it now has two signs on it - one reads "TECHNICAL STORES" and the other is a symbol of a large black arrow pointing upwards and two smaller ones leading off sideways. Puzzled but unable to think of the answer, he pushes the second door open.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE
(Going back into the garage, he climbs into Bessie and starts the engine. He drives the vehicle out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: EXT. DOCTOR'S GARAGE
(Leaving the engine running, he climbs out and goes back and shuts one of the doors. Before shutting the second door, he again pauses and puzzles over the strange symbol. He looks back into the changed garage and then shuts the second door. He walks back towards Bessie but suddenly a shot rings out and the bullet ricochets off the ground next to him. He dives for cover next to the vehicle and looks over to see a soldier running towards him from the distance.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) What the blazes do you think you're doing?!
(The soldier aims again and fires. The DOCTOR jumps into Bessie and quickly revs away, dodging from side to side as more bullets are aimed in his direction. The soldier who is firing is LATIMER. He wears a different uniform to the normal UNIT soldiers. A plain green instead of khaki, he has a black forage cap with the three arrowed symbol on it in place of the UNIT beret and wears jackboots. Another similarly dressed soldier clambers from underneath a waiting chemical tanker train and runs up to his firing companion. It is BENTON.)
PRIVATE LATIMER: It's a saboteur. He was in the technical stores!
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Well get after him!
(LATIMER runs off and BENTON pulls out a whistle and blows it to alter other soldiers.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: EXT. COMPLEX
(The DOCTOR drives as quickly as he can through the complex. In an area relatively free of buildings he sees soldiers in the road ahead of him. He drives straight at them and they are forced to jump out of the way. An alarm wails over the entire complex. Other soldiers come running, all firing at the DOCTOR when he is in sight. The DOCTOR drives into an area filled with oil drums. He drives straight into a few and then has to reverse when he sees that he is at a dead end. As he is doing so, a soldier runs up a pile of shoring timber and fires. He goes to fire again, but he rifle is empty and he jumps off the timber and runs towards the car as it finishes its turn and manages to jump on board before the DOCTOR can speed off again. The DOCTOR clubs him back into the rear seat and drives off again. As they speed along, the soldier gets to his feet and grabs the DOCTOR round the neck but he is thrown off again. Once more the soldier jumps forward and tries to grab the steering wheel but this time the DOCTOR pushes him back as he skids to one side and the soldier falls out of the vehicle.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: EXT. COMPLEX WASTEGROUND
(The danger is not over though as the DOCTOR carries on through the complex and a piece of derelict wasteland with soldier after soldier firing at him all the way.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: EXT. COMPLEX
(The DOCTOR then finds himself driving between a series of pre-fabricated huts and he screeches Bessie to a halt next to one of them. BENTON and another soldier come running round the corner and see the empty car.)
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: ...
(They towards the car and then past it. Nearby, a dustbin lid rises and the DOCTOR stands up from behind a number of bins with the lid on his head. He takes off his "disguise" and runs away from the area, ducking out of sight behind a fixed stepladder when he sees two soldiers nearby. They don't spot him and as they run off, he climbs the ladder and then another and finds himself on one of the high gantries. He ducks out of sight and looks below as he sees the soldiers running round trying to locate their quarry.)
PRIVATE LATIMER: Try round the other side!
(The soldiers run off in different directions.)
PRIVATE LATIMER: ... !
(The DOCTOR climbs up further onto another ladder and its catwalk. He lies on it and looks below as the soldiers continue their frantic search.)
PRIVATE LATIMER: Come on, come on, come on!
(The DOCTOR watches entirely puzzled by these strange events. Suddenly he hears animal-like noises behind him and turns to see BROMLEY on the other side of the catwalk. He is dressed in a white disaster suit type of outfit and the same transformation that affected WYATT has overcome him. BROMLEY clearly looks as if he is about to pounce on the DOCTOR who sees that the only available weapon is a nearby fire extinguisher. He picks this up and fires the contents at BROMLEY as the technician rushes him. The spray seems to have a debilitating effect upon him and the DOCTOR fires twice more. The man collapses stunned onto the gantry. Down below, BENTON and the other soldiers spot the DOCTOR.)
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: There he is!
(They rush in his direction as the DOCTOR climbs a further ladder which brings him into the highest point - the top of a gasometer. He starts to run round the perimeter of the roof but he stops when, on the other side, the transformed figure of PRIVATE WYATT rises into view. The DOCTOR starts to back off but WYATT, snarling, pursues him, jumping over a rail to do so. The DOCTOR picks up a thin metal bar and throws it at WYATT in self-defence but the half-creature ducks back and it misses. The DOCTOR picks up another bar and holds it as a club, stepping towards WYATT who starts to pace backwards slowly. Down on the ground, BENTON and his soldiers run towards the base of the gasometer.)
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: When you see him - shoot!
(They take aim upwards and a figure appears on the edge of the structure. One of the soldiers fires as orders. The figure desperately tries to balance as the bullets hit it but then falls to the ground far below with an animal-like cry - it is WYATT. BENTON and the soldiers run up to where he falls and look down at the corpse. BENTON, unmoved, looks back up at the silent tower.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE COMPLEX
(A black-haired female in a brown uniform and black boots walks past the rows of pre-fabricated huts. Arm badges also denote that she is in the RSF. She walks past one of the RSF soldiers who stands to attention. She turns a corner and walks past a row of piled oil drums. As she comes to the end of these, she walks straight past where the DOCTOR is stood in hiding. He recognises the woman.)
DOCTOR: Liz?
(She turns. It is LIZ but her appearance is very changed. She stares at the DOCTOR in cold puzzlement.)
DOCTOR: Liz, it's me.
(LIZ continues to stare at him without uttering a word.)
DOCTOR: Don't you recognise me? What's happened to everyone round here? Have you all gone mad? What are you doing in that ridiculous get-up?
(LIZ reaches into a belt holster and pulls out a small automatic. She points it straight at the DOCTOR.)
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Put your hands up.
(The DOCTOR steps forward.)
DOCTOR: All right, Liz, a joke's a joke...
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Get back!
(He halts and watches as she puts a police whistle to her lips and blows. BENTON comes running round the corner, calling the soldier on attention there to join him as he does so.)
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: You!
(They run up to where LIZ has the DOCTOR at gun-point.)
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Take him away.
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Yes, leader.
(They roughly grab him.)
DOCTOR: Liz, this is ridiculous!
(They start pushing the DOCTOR along, LIZ following them.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(The prisoner and his strange escort enter central control. They walk straight up to LETHBRIDGE STEWART'S door and knock.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Inside office.) Come.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. BRIGADE LEADER'S OFFICE
(They enter the room.)
DOCTOR: (Indignantly.) Brigadier, will you kindly tell me what on...
(LETHBRIDGE STEWART is sat with his back to the entrants. He spins round. He has no moustache and wears an eye-patch over his left eye. Under this runs a livid scar from his forehead and down his cheek. He too wears a different uniform and this one also has "RSF" shoulder badges. He stares coldly at the DOCTOR who stops in amazement. LETHBRIDGE STEWART glances at LIZ.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Is this the man?
(His voice is harsh and emotionless. The DOCTOR is amazed.)
DOCTOR: What on earth are you doing in that get-up?
(BENTON jumps forward and rams his rifle into the DOCTOR'S back.)
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Be quiet!
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You'll find it unwise to be insolent. How did you get inside this establishment?
DOCTOR: I beg your pardon?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: How did you get in here?!
(The DOCTOR struggles to find the right words to say, then...)
DOCTOR: Look, your name is Lethbridge Stewart?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes.
DOCTOR: Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Brigade Leader.
DOCTOR: All right, Brigade Leader - have it your own way.
(He turns to LIZ.)
DOCTOR: And you are Elizabeth Shaw?
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: (Shocked.) How did you know my name?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You've been spying on this establishment.
DOCTOR: What are you talking about?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Your name!
DOCTOR: My name? You ask me my name after all the years that you and I...?
(He suddenly stops as realisation sinks in.)
DOCTOR: Well now, wait a minute. Yes, I think I'm beginning to see what's happened here. Erm, might I suggest you just call me Doctor?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Quietly.) Doctor. Doctor what?
DOCTOR: Smith. Doctor John Smith.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Cynically.) Smith, yes, of course. And where do you come from, "Doctor Smith"?
DOCTOR: Yes, well, this is where we come to the difficult bit.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Harshly.) Well?!
DOCTOR: Er, I come from a parallel space-time continuum.
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Obviously, he is trying to confuse us, Leader.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, let me put it this way; erm, I've been transported from another world. Er, one that is running...
(He waves his hands next to each other.)
DOCTOR: ...almost parallel to this one.
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: He's unbalanced.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, I see what he's trying to do. He's trying to make us believe that he's mad.
(He leans forward across the desk.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: But it won't work, my friend.
DOCTOR: Now, now look, wait.
(He turns to LIZ.)
DOCTOR: Y...you are Elizabeth Shaw?
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: I am Section Leader Elizabeth Shaw - yes.
DOCTOR: Not a scientist?
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: No.
DOCTOR: (Disappointed.) Oh. Well, this is fascinating. So many similarities, yet so many differences.
(The BRIGADE LEADER stands up. Behind his desk, in place of the regimental pictures hang a single picture of the leader - the same man as appeared on the poster in the DOCTOR'S garage.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Enough!
(He places his swagger stick on the DOCTOR'S shoulder and speaks in a quiet menacing undertone.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Now, I want the truth.
(The DOCTOR pushes the stick away. He too is growing impatient.)
DOCTOR: Tell me, how far down is the shaft that you are drilling?
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Leader, he is a spy!
DOCTOR: And Professor Stahlman? Is his liver still playing him up? And Sir Keith? How is Sir Keith? Yes, now there's a man who might understand.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What do you know about Sir Keith?
DOCTOR: Only that he's the Executive Director of this project. Yes, I should very much like to see him.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Would you indeed?
DOCTOR: Indeed, I would! Failing that, Professor Stahlman. He's an opinionated oaf, I know, but at least he's a scientist.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Very well.
(He heads for the door which is opened for him by the RSF soldier.)
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: Are you taking this man to see the Director?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Why not? Whoever he is, he'll never leave here alive.
(He nods at BENTON and walks out. BENTON and the other soldier push him out of the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(The DOCTOR looks towards the computer.)
DOCTOR: Wait a minute.
(He quickly strides towards the countdown clock and looks down at it.)
DOCTOR: Three hours, twenty-two minutes? You're a lot more advanced with the drilling here.
(A furious BENTON walks over and grabs him.)
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Come on!
(Across central control, the technicians are dressed in white suited uniforms. Armed RSF soldiers stand on guard. Two figures enter central control. STAHLMAN has no beard and wears a pair of dark glasses. He is dressed in a white collarless suit. His sonly similarity to his counterpart is that he wears a pair of white gloves. PETRA is also dressed in white, with a featureless dress and boots in contrast to the blue flower patterned dress worn by her counterpart. She wears her hair in a severe bun. They walk over to where the DOCTOR has been placed next to the BRIGADE LEADER who stands stiffly to attention.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The intruder has been apprehended, Director.
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: So I see.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I thought you might like to question him.
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: I don't think so, no. You know what to do with spies.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He asked to speak to Sir Keith Gold.
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Did he? And did you tell him thayte...that might be rather difficult?
DOCTOR: Difficult - why?
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Sir Keith Gold was killed in a motor accident twenty-four hours ago. Rather unfortunate.
DOCTOR: Sir Keith - dead?
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: He was on his way to the Ministry in London.
DOCTOR: Yes, to complain about you, no doubt.
(STAHLMAN takes off his glasses and stares at the DOCTOR.)
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Who is this man?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We have not yet established his correct identity, Director. He gave an obviously false name.
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Have you no idea where he came from?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He spoke of having come from some other dimension.
(STAHLMAN gives a short laugh.)
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: I've no time to waste on maniacs, Brigade Leader.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Quite so - my apologies.
DOCTOR: Er, excuse me, but, er, what about this computer?
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: The computer?
DOCTOR: Yes, it doesn't seem to be working.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It's been sabotaged.
DOCTOR: Yeah, missing micro-circuit, do you think, Professor?
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Obviously this man is responsible for the damage. Take him away.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Benton!
(BENTON pushes the DOCTOR back towards the BRIGADE LEADER'S office as STAHLMAN strides off.)
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Carry on, Doctor Williams.
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Yes, Director.
(PETRA starts to pull glass circuits out of the computer board as another figure steps up. It is GREG SUTTON, but in place of his open-necked shirt and jacket, he is now dressed in a somber suit and tie.)
GREG SUTTON: Will you tell the Director that we have no pressure in the coolant pipes, please.
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: (Emotionless.) He's aware of that fact. He's had the pressure temporarily by-passed to the shaft itself.
GREG SUTTON: Well, if an emergency develops, there'll be no safeguard at the drill-head.
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: There will be no emergency.
GREG SUTTON: Well, it's still my job to bring the situation to his notice. In my experience, when an oil shaft blows, there is no safeguard...
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: (Interrupts.) This is not an oil shaft, Mr. Sutton.
GREG SUTTON: Now you listen to me, Petra!
(PETRA spins round angrily.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Must I remind you once again that I am Assistant Director of this project? You will address me in the correct manner.
(GREG looks down at the ground.)
GREG SUTTON: I'm, er, sorry, Doctor Williams.
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Unless you grant me the respect due to my position, I shall have no choice but to report you.
(She walks off. GREG bites his lip.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. DRILL-HEAD
(STAHLMAN walks across the drill-head area and up to PETRA as she enters.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: All safety factors have been exceeded, Director.
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: (Intensely.) We are very near Penetration Zero. I will not decelerate at this crucial stage.
(A flicker of nervousness crosses PETRA'S face.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: As you wish, Director.
(She walks off and STAHLMAN walks into the passage leading into central control.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(Here, he loses his composure and leans against a wall, a look of pain on his face. He stares down at his left hand and removes the glove. Like his counterpart, the hand is green, but this time it is sprouting thick black hairs. STAHLMAN gasps as he struggles against the noise in his head.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. BRIGADE LEADER'S OFFICE
(The DOCTOR stands before the BRIGADE LEADER'S desk as he writes on a sheet of paper. BENTON stands on guard. The DOCTOR is being given the silent treatment as LETHBRIDGE STEWART continues to write without looking up. Bored, eventually the DOCTOR speaks up.)
DOCTOR: Look, er, may I ask what is going to happen to me?
(LETHBRIDGE STEWART continues writing.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You'll be shot...eventually.
DOCTOR: Without a trial?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: This is your trial.
DOCTOR: Well look, you can't possibly have the authority to do a thing like this...
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I have full authority - Defence of the Republic Act, 1943.
DOCTOR: Republic?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes.
DOCTOR: Then what's happened to the Royal...
(The BRIGADE LEADER finally looks up.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Executed - all of them.
DOCTOR: Pity. A charming family. I knew her great-grandfather in Paris.
(The DOCTOR crosses to a chair...)
DOCTOR: Do you know, I remember on one occasion...
(...and sits. An outraged BENTON jumps forward and hauls him up.)
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: On your feet!
DOCTOR: Look, I've been standing here for quite some time.
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: You'll be standing for a lot longer yet!
DOCTOR: Why is this place crawling with you oafs in uniform?!
(An angry BRIGADE LEADER stops writing.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You are talking of the Republican Security Forces. And the reason we are here, is that this is a scientific labour camp.
DOCTOR: Staffed by slave labour, I take it? Well, you're all in very grave danger.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Amused.) We are in danger?
DOCTOR: Before that computer broke down, it was transmitting danger signals, was it not?
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Smiles.) You're very well informed.
DOCTOR: And what about Harry Slocum?
(The smile disappears.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What do you know about him?
DOCTOR: Only that he went berserk and started killing people.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You condemn yourself. No one but a spy could know so much.
DOCTOR: Look, I am not a spy. I've seen it all before!
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Shouts.) Where?!
(The DOCTOR pauses, then...)
DOCTOR: In another world.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Very well. I can wait.
DOCTOR: You're just wasting time!
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We work to an orderly system. Your identity is being checked with Central Records. When we know who you are - the real interrogation will begin.
(He looks towards the waiting BENTON.)
DOCTOR: But I don't exist in your world!
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Then you won't feel the bullets when we shoot you.
(A phone buzzes on his desk. He answers it.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Yes? (He listens.) Right, I'll be there.
(He puts the phone down and stands up.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To BENTON.) The prisoner will remain here.
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Yes, leader.
(LETHBRIDGE STEWART walks out of a second bulkhead door on the other side of the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(He waits outside his door which is next to the unit which sent power to the DOCTOR'S garage in the other world. After a moment, ELIZABETH SHAW walks up to him.)
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: I've just been on the telephone to Central Records about our prisoner. I gave them a full description.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well? Who is he?
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: They've checked and re-checked. There is absolutely no one answering to his description on their files. The man does not exist.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: That's impossible!
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: They'll going on checking. But they're certain that this man is not a known agent of any foreign government.
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Central Records have never been wrong before.
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: He seems to know so much about this whole project, leader - as though he'd been here for weeks. It just doesn't make sense.
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. BRIGADE LEADER'S OFFICE
(A bored DOCTOR looks at an impassive BENTON. The door opens and the BRIGADE LEADER walks angrily back in, followed by LIZ.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You are giving us a great deal of trouble.
DOCTOR: I'm delighted to hear that!
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: You'd make things much easier for yourself if you'll us who you are.
DOCTOR: Proper little bureaucrat, aren't you? Can't shoot me unless you've filled in all the forms - is that it?
SECTION LEADER ELIZABETH SHAW: (Harshly.) Unless you co-operate, you'll soon be in front of a firing squad! You have very little time left.
DOCTOR: My dear young lady, if that computer was functioning, it would warn us that we all have very little time left!
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(Outside, PETRA is on the phone as GREG approaches from behind, listening to her conversation.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: (Into phone.) Number two output pipe again. Is the leak bad? (She listens.) I see.
(She puts the phone down.)
GREG SUTTON: Trouble.
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: A minor detail.
GREG SUTTON: At the drill-head?
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Yes.
GREG SUTTON: There's no such thing as a minor detail at the drill-head.
(STAHLMAN walks past.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Director?
(He turns.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: They report a minor leak in number two output pipe.
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: So?
GREG SUTTON: So something should have been done about it - immediately. We are approaching final countdown.
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Have one of the duty riggers see to it.
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Yes, Director.
(She walks off.)
GREG SUTTON: Well, I think you should for yourself, sir. It could be important.
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: (Shouts.) Don't presume to tell me what I should or shouldn't do, Sutton!
(STAHLMAN storms away. GREG mutters illegal thoughts under his breath.)
GREG SUTTON: No, Director. Sorry, Director. Three bags full, Director!
(Suddenly a roaring sound is heard from the drill-head and a klaxon alarm starts to echo through the area. GREG runs towards the drill-head.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. BRIGADE LEADER'S OFFICE
(The alarm is heard in the BRIGADE LEADER'S office. He glances at the DOCTOR and speaks to BENTON as he and LIZ rush out.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Watch him!
(The DOCTOR and BENTON stare at each other. The DOCTOR looks round and whistles to BENTON to approach him, as if he is about to spill a secret. BENTON walks closer. The DOCTOR makes a show of checking to make sure that they are not observed, then...)
DOCTOR: Tell me...have you ever seen anything like this before?
(He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his closed hand. He points forward two fingers and jabs them into the nerves of BENTON'S chest. The soldier cries out in pain and collapses. The DOCTOR runs out of the second door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(A couple of technicians run past him but don't stop. He runs and hides round a corner and watches. After a second, BENTON runs past.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: INT. DRILL-HEAD
(Smoke pours out of the roaring drill-head. At the base of number two output pipe, the green substance starts to emerge.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(Back in central control, the BRIGADE LEADER speaks into a microphone, with his back to the DOCTOR'S hiding place. LETHBRIDGE STEWARTS voice echoes through the area and mixes with the klaxon alarm.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All security units - alert. All units alert and take up emergency stations immediately.
(The DOCTOR judges the moment to be right and runs out of his hiding place.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No technician will be allowed to leave his post. I say again: all security units alert. All units alert and take up emergency stations immediately.
(The DOCTOR crawls behind the computer and spots a toolbox on the floor.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No technician will be allowed to leave his post.
(He pulls the box towards him. Meanwhile, GREG shouts at some technicians who are donning disaster suits.)
GREG SUTTON: Come on! Hurry up! Hurry up! Get those suits on!
(PETRA walks past.)
GREG SUTTON: Dr. Williams?! The coolant pipes - get me some extra power laid on for the reserve supply.
(PETRA runs off to carry out the request. GREG turns back to the technicians.)
GREG SUTTON: Come on!
(Meanwhile, PETRA runs up to the control desk at the back of the room and shouts to the technicians there over the sound of the alarm.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Prepare to alter your pressure readings!
(She runs up to one control bank.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Begin readings at twelve!
(She looks over the controls and starts to manipulate them.)
DR. PETRA WILLIAMS: Hold your pressure at...fifty...forty.
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: INT. DRILL-HEAD
(The green substance is now pouring over the edge of the drill-head central structure.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28: INT. CENTRAL CONTROL
(As the situation gets worse, several technicians make a run for the door but the BRIGADE LEADER and an RSF guard run forward with guns aimed.)
BRIGADE LEADER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Get back! Get back to your posts! If this place goes up, we'll all go up with it! Get back or we fire!
(STAHLMAN himself runs up to where PETRA is working.)
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: The emergency will be contained! Remain at your posts!
(He looks round and sees the DOCTOR rummaging in the toolbox at the base of the computer.)
DIRECTOR STAHLMAN: Benton!
(He points at the DOCTOR who crouches along to the computer inspection panel. He carries on desperately sorting through the toolbox.)
DOCTOR: Come on, where are you?
(Suddenly he feels the end of a rifle prodding the back of his head. He looks up to see BENTON stood over him.)
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: What do you think you're doing?
DOCTOR: Trying to find a particular micro-circuit. I may be able to repair your computer for you.
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: Outside! We've got a firing squad waiting for you.
DOCTOR: You idiot! If I don't repair this computer, you all be...
PLATOON UNDER LEADER BENTON: (Interrupts.) Look! Are you coming with me quietly - or do I shoot you, here and now?
(BENTON levels the rifle at him.) | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who finds himself in a parallel universe where Britain is a dictatorship? A: the Inferno Project; Q: What is the name of the slave labour camp in the parallel universe? A: his friends' counterparts; Q: Who polices the Inferno Project? Summary: The Doctor finds himself in a parallel universe where Britain is a dictatorship and the Inferno Project is a slave labour camp policed by his friends' counterparts. |
Originally written by Chris Brown
[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are helping Monica learn how to roller skate by rolling her between themselves.]
Rachel: So who's idea was it to put everybody in the diner on skates?
Monica: Oh, some idiot customer put a suggestion in the suggestion box.
Phoebe: Oh my God, they took my idea!
Monica: That was you?!
Phoebe: Yeah! Okay, here you go. (rolls her back to Rachel)
Gunther: (bringing Rachel a mug) Rachel, I made you a cocoa.
[He distracts her from catching Monica and Monica slams into her, knocking her down. Monica then falls on top of her.]
Phoebe: Oh my God, are you guys okay?
Gunther: Are you all right?
Joey: (leaving Central Perk and seeing Monica laying on top of Rachel who is moaning in pain.) Oh my.
(They both turn and give him a dirty look.)
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching Quincy M.E. as Chandler is walking into the living room from his bedroom.]
Chandler: (sporting a goatee) Hey.
Joey: Hey. Y'know with that goatee you kinda look like Satan.
Chandler: Oh, so that's why the priest threw holy water on me. (there's no reaction from Joey) Okay, listen, you have to cheer up! Okay? You should come out with Ross and me, I mean anything is better than sitting around here crying all day about Kate.
Joey: Hey I was crying because, because nobody believed Quincy's theory. Okay?
Ross: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: (triumphantly) I'm gonna be on TV!!
Chandler: No way!
Ross: Yeah! They're putting together this panel to talk about these fossils they just found in Peru and The Discovery Channel's gonna film it!
Chandler: Oh my God! Who's gonna watch that?!
Ross: Thanks. You ready to go?
Chandler: Yeah. (they start to leave)
Joey: Saw a girl with that vest.
Chandler: Thanks. (He takes off the vest and throws it on the floor.)
Anchorwoman: (on TV) While most of us think of chocolate bunnies and baskets as traditional Easter gifts. Some people insist on giving live chicks as presents. (Joey is intrigued by the idea) Unfortunately, the sad fact remains that most of these little guys won't live to see the fourth of July.
(Joey starts to call a place to buy a little baby chick) Because of as a result of improper care, they will be dead.
Joey: (on phone) Yeah, hi. You guys got any of those baby chicks? 'Cause I was watching this ah, commercial on TV and man, those guys are cute!
[Scene: The Moondance Diner: Pete is entering, Monica is on roller skates.]
Pete: Hi!
Monica: Hi! Hey, Pete you're back! Hey, check this out. (She starts to skate over to him)
Pete: Wow! Skates!
(She gets just about all the way over to him and falls into his arms.)
Monica: Wow! You're a lot sturdier that Chandler. He crumpled like a piece of paper. So how was you're trip?
Pete: Well... (he holds up a gift he brought her)
Monica: Oh, what'd ya bring me?! (She opens the gift) Awww, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh, these are gonna go in my permanent collection. You want some coffee?
Pete: Yeah, sure, that'd be great.
(She starts to go and get the coffee and falls behind the counter.)
Monica: (popping back up) Regular or decaf?
Pete: Ah, which ever is closest.
Monica: Okay. (hands him a cup)
Pete: So ask me what I did today.
Monica: So what did you do today Pete?
Pete: I bought a restaurant and I would like you to be the head chef.
Monica: What?! Oh.(She turns around quickly and falls)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is telling Rachel about Pete's offer.]
Monica: Can you believe he just offered me a restaurant?
Rachel: What a jerk! You want me to kick his ass?
Monica: I mean this has been like my dream since I got my first Easy Bake Oven and opened Easy Monica's Bakery. I mean I would kill for this job. I mean I can totally do this job, and God knows I paid my dues. (She removes her fake breasts) But Pete's just doing this because he has a crush on me.
Rachel: And you're still not attracted to him at all?
Monica: Hmm, no. I mean how can I accept a restaurant from him? I-I-I-I can't. I couldn't even accept a necklace from Stu Vincent in the seventh grade.
Rachel: Yeah, but Mon that's totally different. He was you're health teacher.
Monica: Oh, please.
(She slaps Rachel's side and Rachel screams in pain.)
Monica: What? Honey.
Rachel: Oh, I am, my side still hurts from when you crashed into me yesterday.
Monica: Oh God, I'm so sorry.
Rachel: I know.
(Monica hugs her goes and hugs her)
Rachel: Ow!!
Monica: Oh God!
Ross: (entering, wearing a white suit with a little red bow tie) Hey, you guys! Guess what?
Rachel: (looking at the outfit) Got a job on a river boat?
Ross: Y'know what I didn't wear this suit for a year because you hated it. Well, guess what? You're not my girlfriend anymore so...
Rachel: Oh I see, so this suit is making a point.
Ross: Right.
Rachel: Now that you're on you're own, you're free to look as stupid as you like.
Ross: (to Monica) You like it right?
Monica: Oh absolutely. I like it even more on you than I did on Colonel Sanders. (Ross starts to leave) Ross! Ross! I'm kidding!
Rachel: Yeah, come here!
Monica: What-what was it you were gonna tell us?
Rachel: Yeah. Oh! Was how you invented the cotton gin?!
Ross: Okay, good bye! (leaves)
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is talking to Phoebe about her suggestion.]
Chandler: So um, after you put the suggestion in the box, how long did it take for the roller skating thing to happen.
Phoebe: Umm, oh, about three months.
Chandler: Okay, so I guess that's about ah, two weeks before the topless thing kicks in.
Joey: (entering carrying a box) Hey!!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: I got you something! Open it! Open it!
Chandler: Okay. (He opens it and it's a baby chick) It's a chicken.
Joey: It's cute, huh?
Phoebe: Whoa-whoa-whoa, you guys, do you know anything about chicks?
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women? Nooo.
Phoebe: Okay, well they are a huge responsibility, especially at this age. They require constant care. They-they need just the right food, and lot's and lot's of love.
Joey: Oh, well no problem there. (He picks up the chick, hugs it really tight, and talks to it like it's a little baby.)
Chandler: Easy Lenny.
[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Pete is talking to Monica about the restaurant.]
Pete: So? I mean have you thought about it?
Monica: Okay. Here's the thing.
Pete: Oh no, not the thing. I hate the thing. What's the thing?
Monica: I can't do it. I'm sorry, I wish I could, but umm, see you have these feelings for me....
Pete: Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's-that's what you're worried about? If that's the problem, we've got no problem.
Monica: Huh?
Pete: No! Look, I was gonna tell you this over dinner, but I met somebody else. On my trip.
Monica: Oh?
Pete: Her name's Ann, she's a journalist. Ahh, we met on the plane. She asked me if she could finish off my peanuts, I thought she said something else, we had a big laugh. Yeah, I just, I mean I got, I got tired of waiting.
Monica: Oh, that's great! I mean I'm-I'm sorry, but I'm so happy for you. And now I can work for you!
Pete: I guess you can.
Monica: Oh my God! Oh, this is incredible! Ohh! (she rolls over and kisses him on the cheek) All right, y'know what? I'm just gonna roll right into that office and-and quit!
Pete: All right.
Monica: Okay. (she gets ready to go) Can you give me a little push?
Pete: Yeah, sure. Good luck!
Monica: (rolling towards the office) I'm quitting!! Woo-hoo! (She rolls through a doorway and out of sight. We then hear a big crash, and see Monica roll past the door the other way.) I'm okay!! I'm all right!!
Phoebe: (to Pete) Wow! That's exciting, you went to Japan, made up a woman.
Pete: What?
Phoebe: I'm just saying, this woman, I mean she's fictitious. No?
Pete: Why would you say that?
Phoebe: 'Cause you're still into Monica. So you told her there was somebody else so she would agree to work with you, so 'cause you figure oh if you spent a lot of time together, maybe something might happen, and...
Pete: You're good. You're good!
Phoebe: Yeah, no, I'm fairly intuitive and psychic. It's a substantial gift.
Pete: Listen, can you promise me that you won't tell her though?
Phoebe: Absolutely, oh I promise. Tell her what?
Pete: Thanks a lot.
Phoebe: No I'm serious. I mean I'm intuitive, but my memory sucks.
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is baby-chick sitting.]
Chandler: Okay, but this is the last time. (singing) With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there. Here a chick, there a chick, everywhere a chick-chick-(Joey enters)-chickeeeen.
Joey: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Joey: How's she doing?
Chandler: She?
Joey: Well yeah, don't-don't you think it's a she?
Chandler: I don't know. (He picks the chick up and turns it over, trying to determine the s*x of the chick, and blows on it.) I can't tell, what ever it was went back in too quickly.
Joey: Well, anyway, I got to go change, I'm ah, meeting some of the cast for drinks.
Chandler: Excuse me?
Joey: What?
Chandler: I stayed home from work today while you were at rehearsal so somebody could be here with our chick!
Joey: Hey! Who was up from 2 o'clock this morning until 5 o'clock this morning trying to get her back to sleep?
Chandler: You don't think I get up when you get up?
Joey: Ohhh, here it comes.
Chandler: Yes, here it comes! I'm stuck here all day, and then you come in and spend two seconds with us and then expect to go off gallivanting with your friends? Well I don't think so mister!
Joey: Hey!! I need to relax! Okay? I was working all day!
Chandler: And you don't think taking care of our chick is work?
Joey: That's not what I said. Okay, I just meant...
Chandler: I know what you meant!! (pause) You notice that ever since we got this chick, we've been fighting a lot more than we used too?
Joey: I don't know, maybe we weren't ready to have a chick.
Chandler: I'll take her back tomorrow.
Joey: Do you think we'll get our three bucks back?
Ross: (entering carrying a garment bag) Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: (sees the chick) Ohhh, hey! All right, listen, I-I have that TV thing in like two hours, and I need your help, okay? What do you think? (takes out two suits) This blue suit, or this brown one?
Joey: Well, the brown one brings out your eyes, but your butt looks great in the blue one.
Ross: Really? (Joey gives him a 'Like I would know' look)
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to take some aspirin.]
Rachel: (she reaches for the bottle) Oww! (She grabs the bottle, but has trouble opening it. She pops the top off and aspirins fly all over the place as Ross enters.)
Ross: Wow! That aspirin dance really works!
Rachel: (She bends over to try and pick up the aspirin) Oww!
Ross: Oh my God, is that still...
Rachel: I'm fine, I'm fine.
Ross: No you're not.
Rachel: Yes I am!
Ross: Rach!
Rachel: Look, I'm fine. Watch. (She picks up an aspirin between her toes) Look at that. (She lifts her leg to grab the aspirin with her hand and almost falls over.) Whoa-whoa!
Ross: (stopping her from falling) Okay, okay. Look, you have got to go to a doctor! Okay?
Rachel: No. I have got to get ready and go to a dinner at my bosses house. It's a very big deal, there's a lot of people there I have to meet.
Ross: And I'm sure you're gonna make a big impression. Hi! I'm Rachel Green. It's nice to meet you. (He lifts his leg and imitates shaking hands with it, just like how Rachel was trying to pick up the aspirin with her feet.) Come on, you probably have a broken rib!
Rachel: Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow, it'll still be broken then.
Ross: Rach...
Rachel: But y'know, I could use a hand getting ready.
Ross: Rachel...
Rachel: Look, either help me or go.
Ross: Fine. I'll go.
Rachel: (with a hurt expression on her face) Okay, but before you go, could you help me first?
Ross: (He checks his watch) Sure. I'll help you.
Chandler: (rushing in) Oh, good! Good! Do you guys know how to get a chick out of a VCR?!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel is trying to put on eye liner with her left hand, as Ross is setting out her shoes.]
Rachel: (She drops the brush) Y'know what? I cannot do this with my left hand! Would you please, help me with this too?
Ross: Ohh. (He drops the shoes, takes the brush from her, and licks the tip. He doesn't like how it tastes.)
Rachel: (taking the brush back) Okay. Let's use this brush. (Hands him another one.)
Ross: Okay. This stuff?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: All right.
Rachel: Careful. Light. Okay, do you know how, just sweep it across the lid. Okay? Just sweep it.
Ross: Oke-dokey. (He pokes her in the eye with the brush.)
Rachel: Oh-ho!
Ross: Sorry.
Rachel: Hey! That's just poking me in the eye!
Ross: Sorry, I'm sorry. Close, close, close...
Rachel: Okay, just sweep it.
Ross: I'm sweeping...
Rachel: Right.
Ross: Sweep, sweep....(He starts to paint it on her eye, making it look like she has a black eye.)
Rachel: Okay, now make it even, 'cause we don't...
Ross: What? What?
Rachel: We don't want it-it to be too much, we want it to be subtle.
(Of course it's too late for that.)
Ross: No. No, y'know you don't, you don't wear enough of this. (Rachel is shocked) What?
Rachel: Since when, since when do you think I don't wear enough of this?
Ross: Well I, close your eyes, I just think you're gonna like this a little better, 'cause, close-close... (He gets some more on the brush)
Rachel: Blow it.
Ross: (blows it) Sorry. 'Cause umm, I think this will make you a little more sophisticated.
Rachel: Sophisticated like a hooker?
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is entering, Phoebe is already there.]
Monica: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Monica: Hey, guess what I'm doing tonight.
Phoebe: What?
Monica: I'm checking out the restaurant with Pete.
Phoebe: Ohh, Monica, I am so excited for you.
Monica: I know.
Phoebe: Ooh, I have to tell you something.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: But I can't tell you.
Monica: Okay, but wouldn't it be easier if you had to tell me something that you could tell me.
Phoebe: Well, sure in a perfect world. But, no, I promised I wouldn't tell, and I swore to like all my gods.
Monica: Okay. Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Does it have to do with Joey?
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Does it have to do with-with Chandler and that sock that he keeps by his bed?
Phoebe: No, but let's come back to that later!
[Scene: Rachel's Bedroom, Ross is finishing up her make-up.]
Ross: There you go! Good enough for your party, huh?
(She turns and looks in the mirror, and it's way, way over done. She looks like she has two black eyes.)
Rachel: Sure.
Ross: Yep?
Rachel: Sure, I'll just sit next to the trans-sexual from purchasing.
Ross: Okay, come on! All right, I gotta go! So good luck at the party. Okay?
Rachel: Oh wait, Ross, would you just stay and help me get dressed?
Ross: (checks his watch) Sure, okay.
Rachel: Okay. Okay, great! Umm, okay, just turn around.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I don't want you to see me naked!
Ross: Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times. I ate hot fudge off you naked. Remember, I-I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your belly button?
Rachel: Yeah, but that was different. Y'know? I mean, we were, we were going out then, now I think it's weird.
Ross: Rach, y'know I can see you naked any time I want.
Rachel: What?
Ross: All I have to do is close my eyes. See? (closes his eyes) Woo-hoo!!
Rachel: Ross! Stop that!
Ross: Ah, I'm sorry.
Rachel: Come on! I don't want you thinking of me like that any more!
Ross: Ahh, sorry, nothing you can do about it. It's one of my ah, rights as the ex-boyfriend. (closes his eyes again) Oop, oh yeah!
Rachel: Stop it! Cut it out! Cut it out!
Ross: Okay, okay, I'm sorry, it will never happen... (closes eyes) Uh-oh! Wait a minute! Wait-wait, now there are a hundred of you and I'm the king.
Rachel: Rosss...
Ross: Come on, would you grow up? It's no big deal.
Rachel: All right. (She starts to take off her robe) Fine.
Ross: Yowzah!!!
Rachel: O-kay!! See what you did, I'm gonna be doing it by myself now. Okay?
Ross: Aww, come on.
Rachel: That's it. (She crawls onto the bed) Ow!!!
Ross: Oh my God!
Rachel: Oh-ow!
Ross: All right.
Rachel: Ow!
Ross: Look...
Rachel: Ow!
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: Ow!
Ross: Rach?
Rachel: Ow! Ow!
Ross: Easy. Easy. You have to go to the hospital. Okay?
Rachel: Okay, I do.
Ross: Okay.
Rachel: I really do.
Ross: Okay, I'm gonna get your coat and then I'll-I'll put you in a cab.
Rachel: Okay. Oh wait, wait-wait, you're not gonna come with me?
Ross: (He thinks about it) Of course I am. I just have to make a call.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay? (goes into the living room)
Rachel: Thank you. (She goes to take off her make-up and screams in pain) Oww!!!! God!
Ross: (rushing back in) What?! I wh-, what's wrong?
Rachel: I'm sorry, I just can't go to the hospital lookin' like this.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is trying to find out what Phoebe won't tell her.]
Monica: Does it involve travel?
Phoebe: Noo!
Monica: Does it involve clogs?
Phoebe: Oh, wait, wait. Clogs, or claws?
Monica: Clogs.
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Claws?!
Phoebe: No.
Monica: Okay, so it doesn't involve Ross or Rachel or Chandler or Joey. But, what about Pete?
Phoebe: (Shaking her head yes) No!
Monica: What is it?! What about Pete?
Phoebe: I don't know! (frantically points at Monica)
Monica: Okay, I feel like I'm talking to Lassie. All right, Phoebe would you just tell me!
Phoebe: I can't!!
Monica: Okay, I gotta go. (gets up)
Phoebe: I, but you're so close! No!
Monica: Okay, does it involve something to do with Pete's computer company?
Phoebe: Oh, just go. You're never gonna get it!
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is watching Baywatch with the baby chick. He's on one leather chair, the chick is on the other. It's watching Yasmine Bleeth run and is chirping.]
Chandler: I know. See, yes. That's Yasmine Bleeth, she's a completely different kind of chick. I love you both. But in very different ways.
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: (sees he's watching Baywatch) Ohhh. (sees he still has the chick) Ahh! What are you doing?! I thought you were gonna take her back to the store today.
Chandler: I did! But the store wouldn't take her back! So then I took her to the shelter, and you know what I found out?
(Joey wants to know, but Chandler doesn't want to discuss it by the chick, so he and Joey move over to the windows and away from the chick.)
Chandler: If they can't find a home for her, they kill her! And I'm not gonna let that happen to little Yasmine!
Joey: Okay, good, good, good, 'cause, good, 'cause I was kinda having second thoughts too.
Chandler: Okay. And it's not just chicks y'know? It's all kinds of other animals!
Joey: That's horrible! Well, you did the right thing man.
Chandler: Thanks, I'm glad you see it that way.
(He hear a duck start quacking, and see it waddle into the living room from the bathroom. Joey wants to know what's with the duck.)
Chandler: Ohhh-hoo, funny story!
[Scene: Pete's Restaurant's Kitchen, Pete is showing Monica around the kitchen.]
Monica: I don't believe this! Wow, look at this refridgerator! It's gigantic! I mean I could live in this thing! I'd be cold, but I'm always cold. Oh my God, look at these spider burners! I love spider burners.
Pete: So you like it?
Monica: Oh, it is sooo perfect. Thank you so much. (runs over and hugs him)
Pete: Oh, you're welcome. (He takes a deep breath)
Monica: Did you just smell my hair?
Pete: Nooo. Uh-huh, no way. What? No.
Monica: Oh God.
Pete: What?
Monica: You still have feelings for me don't you?
Pete: Now, nooo! I'm just excited about the restaurant, that's all.
Monica: Pete.
Pete: Okay, I love you. Is that so bad?
Monica: No, it's not bad. It's not bad at all. It's-it's really nice.
Pete: Look, the only who stands to get hurt is me. And I'm okay with that.
Monica: You may be okay about getting hurt, but I am not okay with being the one who hurts you. That's why I can't take this job.
Pete: What?
Monica: And well, we probably shouldn't see each other anymore. I'm sorry.
Pete: Okay, yeah. I mean... If that's, if that's really what you want, okay.
Monica: Okay, bye.
(She kisses him on the cheek, and he kisses her back on the mouth.)
Pete: I'm sorry things didn't work out...
Monica: All right shut up for a second and let me just see something. (She kisses him back on the lips) Oh, wow! (They then hug and kiss, very passionately.)
[Scene: The Hallway Between The Apartments, Ross and Rachel are coming back from the hospital. Ross is helping her up the stairs.]
Rachel: Okay, you'd tell me the truth. Right?
Ross: Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray.
Rachel: Okay.
(As they approach the door, Chandler comes out carrying his duck.)
Chandler: Okay! Now you stay out here, and you think about what you did!!
Ross: (to Chandler) That's a duck.
Chandler: That's a bad duck!!! (to Ross) How'd the thing go tonight, Ross?
Ross: Oh, it was, nah, well....
Rachel: What thing? What thing?
Ross: Nothing, ah there was this thing at the museum. Come on. (they go into her apartment) Easy.
Chandler: (to the duck) Okay, now when you come back I hope you remember that, that chick is not a toy! (He goes back into the apartment)
[cut to inside Monica and Rachel's]
Rachel: What thing? What is this thing?
Ross: I was kinda, supposed to be on TV tonight for The Discovery Channel.
Rachel: Oh my God!
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Ross, why didn't you tell me that?
Ross: Eh, 'cause I knew that if I told you, you'd make me go, and I knew you needed someone to be with you tonight. Come on. Come on.
Rachel: I cannot believe you.
Ross: What?
Rachel: That is the sweetest thing, I just....
(They both look at each other for a while)
Ross: (breaking the silence) You should get some sleep.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: So, I'll umm...
Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry I spoiled you're evening.
Ross: No, that's, no, as long as you're okay. So I'll ah, I'll see you tomorrow.
Rachel: Um-hmm, yeah.
(He leaves)
Rachel: (After he closes the door) See ya.
(In the hallway, Ross all dejected, sits down on the step.)
Chandler: (coming out of his apartment and seeing Ross) What did you do?
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom: Chandler is watching the duck swim in the bathtub.]
Joey: What 'cha doing?
Chandler: Having a swim.
Joey: What about the chick?
Chandler: Chicks don't swim.
Joey: Are you sure?
Chandler: I don't know. Should we try it?
Joey: Sure.
(Chandler picks up the chick and drops it in the water.)
Chandler: See, I told you they don't swim. (He goes to take it out)
Joey: (stopping him) Wait. Give him a minute.
Chandler: Noo! (takes him out) Oh, it's okay, it's okay, baby, baby, baby.
(Joey picks up and turns on a hair dryer.) | Plan: A: Pete; Q: Who offers Monica the job at his new restaurant? A: Monica; Q: Who discovers she has feelings for Pete? A: Phoebe; Q: Who correctly surmises Pete is lying? A: the restaurant; Q: What does Monica inspect with Pete? A: Pete's true motive; Q: What does Monica realize while inspecting the restaurant? A: Joey; Q: Who and Chandler adopt a chick and a duck? A: Ross; Q: Who skips a panel for the Discovery Channel to help Rachel? A: a rib; Q: What does Ross think Rachel has broken? Summary: Pete offers Monica the head chef job at a new restaurant he just bought, but she suspects he is using it to woo her. When he insists he is over her and has met someone else, Phoebe correctly surmises he is lying. While Pete and Monica inspect the restaurant, Monica realizes Pete's true motive, then surprisingly discovers she has genuine feelings for him. Joey and Chandler adopt a chick and a duck. Ross, still having feelings for Rachel, skips being on a panel for the Discovery Channel so he can help her after he thinks she has broken a rib. This leaves her amazed and appreciative by what he gave up to help her. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Boyd: Vault's something called an Excelsior 5200.
Earl: What's that mean?
Boyd: That I'm gonna need you to get me a hell of a lot more emulex.
Raylan: Safe to assume the names herein are landowners?
This room ain't bugged. Won't nobody know we spoke.
Tim: These landowners are in the ledger 'cause Avery Markham has designs on buying?
Calhoun: Or has already bought.
Raylan: The negotiation has ended. I told you you can't have my land. I'm adding hers to the list.
Katherine: Albert Fekus. The one who said you stabbed him. How fortunate that he came clean the way he did.
Ava: Katherine Hale asked me about me Albert Fekus, the guard!
Raylan: She's just testing you.
Ava: Christ, I have to get out of here!
Boyd: The more I think about it, the better it sounds.
The bluegrass state has some of the most lonely soil in the union. Weed used to grow so big here, old timers called it "Christmas tree dope." Hell, before it all got legalized, our people were growing hemp for the whole country. You remember those stories?
Ava: This morning we were fixin' to leave. Now you want to be a farmer.
Boyd: Not a farmer, an entrepreneur. Cultivating something near and dear to our hearts as coal once was.
Ava: You said Harlan was dying, that we had no future here.
Boyd: Well, this new enterprise might be just what she needs to make her way off life support. And all we got to do is get ahead of Avery Markham!
Ava: Are you sure about this, Boyd? About staying, I mean? 'Cause it seems to me, with that kind of cash, we could be the king and queen wherever we want.
Boyd: Oh, baby. Wasn't more than a few days ago you had your heart set on staying in Harlan. Now you can't wait to leave?
Ava: [exhales] That's before I knew your intent to poke the bear and pitch your tent right outside his den.
Boyd: Which is why I'm gonna need you to make up the guest room. I want one of the boys to have eyes on you 24/7 till this thing plays out.
Ava: How long's that gonna last?
[cell phone vibrating]
Boyd: Less than you fear and more than you hope, most likely. [turns off radio]
Ava: What does that mean?
Boyd: Hold on a second, baby. Carl?
Did you get my message? Listen, listen, you got to make it clear in every way they need to hold off and sell only to me. All right, h-hold on. Hold on one second. Evening, officer. Quite a party y'all are throwing here.
Officer: How you doing tonight, ma'am?
Ava: I'd be better if I hadn't been sitting in traffic last half-hour.
Officer: Well, we're trying to keep people safe and sound around here, all right?
Ava: [sighs] Imagine my relief.
Officer: Hmm.
Boyd: Have you ever been?
[police radio chatter]
Officer: Long as you're doing all right, I believe we can get you on your way.
Ava: I'm fine.
Officer: All right. Drive safe.
Boyd: Well, good luck finding your guest of honor.
Carl, you still there? I got you on speakerphone.
Hold on, hold on one sec...
[police radio chatter]
Raylan: [sighs]
How'd she seem?
Officer: You're asking my opinion, I'd say she seemed... on edge.
Raylan: All right. Well, you can wrap it up. Thank you.
Tim: What do you think?
Raylan: I think you better get your ass to Lexington and find Albert Fekus before he blows this whole thing up.
[game noises]
Fia: You're not doing it right! Stop!
Katherine: Hey.
Any more fighting, and grandma's gonna lock y'all in the closet.
[knock on door]
Play nice.
Wynn: Hey.
Katherine: Hey.
[game noises continue]
Wynn: There are, uh... children in your room.
Laurel's nanny had an emergency with her immigration papers, so... Thomas, Fi, meet my friend, Mr. Duffy.
Wynn: Hey, guys. What you doing? They seem nice.
Katherine: So... Where are we?
Wynn: Um, my guy's at Fekus' house. If law enforcement shows up to move or question him, we have our answer.
Katherine: And what if no one shows up?
Wynn: We figure out a way to question him ourselves.
Katherine: You know, last time I was worried about someone being an informant was when Grady went away.
Wynn: It took a while, but we will soon settle that as well.
Katherine: I like Ava. Be a shame to have to kill her.
[music]
[footsteps approaching]
Boyd: Well, ain't this an unexpected surprise.
Ava: [chuckles] I thought after that continental nonsense at the hotel, a big home-cooked breakfast would hit the spot.
Grab them biscuits and gravy.
Boyd: What you got? Unh-unh! [chuckles]
Boyd: Ha ha!
Ava: Sit.
Boyd: Ah. Yes, ma'am.
Ava: Here you go.
Boyd: You're in a much better mood this morning. You wake up thinkin', "goddamn, it's good to be back in Harlan County"?
Ava: If you truly believe we can have the life we always dreamed of here in Harlan, then I am behind you.
Boyd: That's my girl. Will you sit down here and enjoy this beautiful breakfast with me?
Ava: I can't. I said I'd be in early at the salon.
Boyd: Well, it's your choice. But, baby, ain't no reason for you to be working that hard.
Ava: You know I like to keep busy.
[keys jangle]
Making breakfast has roused the cooking bug. Yeah, I was thinking maybe tonight I'd do my fried chicken and sweet potatoes.
Boyd: Ooh! Better than the colonel himself. [laughs]
[music]
Boyd: Hey.
Where you going? There's something I want to give you. Sit down. [chuckles]
Boyd: Go on, sit down. Now... I think...
Ava: Huh. that this has been sitting in my pocket long enough. It's time for it to go back where it belongs.
Ava: [exhales]
Boyd: It still fits.
Ava: Mm.
Boyd: Mmm. Mmm.
Ava: I will see you tonight.
Boyd: Yes, you will.
[sighs]
[utensils clatter]
[engine starts]
[shifts gears]
[cell phone vibrates]
[cell phone vibrates, beeps]
Raylan: You okay?
Ava: No, Raylan, I'm losing my mind!
Thinking at any moment Boyd's gonna answer a phone call from Katherine, turn around, and put a bullet in my head!
Raylan: First off, Boyd is so delusional, he'll kill three of his own people before he allows himself to suspect you of anything.
Secondly, Tim and Rachel are up in Lexington dealing with Fekus as we speak.
Ava: Jesus Christ, you're shittin' me!
So he could have talked, and you all would have no idea.
Raylan: Let's have this conversation in person.
Where are you now?
Ava: What if I said I'm done with this, I'm out? What happens?
Raylan: I can meet you at that junkyard in 20 minutes.
Ava: Unh-unh. I ain't going anywhere.
I ain't doing anything until you tell me what my options are. Now I've given you stuff. I walk, what do I get?
Raylan: Based on what you tell provided thus far,
I can't even promise you won't go back to jail.
Ava: Bullshit!
Raylan: I need solid intel that leads to an indictment, and then I can work on a witsec proposal.
Ava: Witsec? Live some fake life someplace I hate?
[under breath] Oh, my god.
[normal voice] What about cash? You could just let me go, pay me off.
Raylan: That is just not an option.
Now we will take care of Fekus. Boyd still thinks you're on the level. We are fine, Ava. Now, could we please meet in person?
Ava: 30 minutes, junkyard.
[cell phone beeps]
Raaagh!
[title music]
♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
Tim: You don't think it's odd?
Rachel: Of course. But Fekus stabbed himself to get Ava put away. So you'll understand that the revelation that he lives with his parents doesn't exactly blow my mind.
Tim: Don't speed up. Don't slow down. Just drive.
Rachel: Which one?
Tim: This maroon piece of sh1t at nine o'clock.
Rachel: sh1t.
Yeah, leaves on his car. Looks like he's been parked there for hours.
Tim: How much you want to bet they got someone at the house just waiting for us? I'd be willing to put money on that.
Wynn: "Aplex"?
Mike: Yeah. 28 points. Boom!
Wynn: I'm pretty sure "aplex" isn't a word, Mikey.
Mike: Of course it is. "I don't like that guy. He aplexes me."
Wynn: [inhales sharply, sighs]
[beeping]
[cell phone rings, beeps]
Wynn: Yeah?
Trig: He's going. You want me to follow him or not?
Wynn: Yes, I do. Call me when he lands.
[cell phone beeps]
Mike: You okay?
You look aplexed.
Raylan: [sighs]
[sighing]
[dialing]
Hey, it's Givens. I need a location on Ava Crowder's phone. What's that mean, "just off the side of the road"? How long has it been since it moved? What's around there? Anything? sh1t. No, no, I'm sure it's fine. I'll take care of it. Thank you.
[Cell phone beeps]
Goddamn it, Ava. Goddamn it!
[cell phone vibrating]
Bob: Raylan! What's going on, amigo?
It's been a while since you blew up my phone.
Raylan: Listen, I got a situation maybe brewing here, need a hand. But it requires zipped lips. Only comes back to me. Got it?
Bob: Hey, hey, my sh1t is zipped, all right? What's the gig?
Raylan: Ava Crowder's gone missing. I need you to help me find her.
Bob: Ava ... Ava Randolph?
[laughs] From high school?
Raylan: Yeah, she used to be Ava Randolph.
Bob: Oh. Damn. Raylan, that ... that girl can make a dog break its chain.
Raylan: Yes, she is pretty. I need you to listen.
Bob: Oh ...
Raylan: There's a place she's gone before when she needs to disappear. I want you to go there, watch, tell me if she shows up.
Ava: Truth be told, I'm here 'cause I need a car.
Limehouse: And what's the matter with yours?
Ava: Nothing in particular, except today it doesn't suit my needs.
Limehouse: I look like a used car salesman to you?
Ava: I prefer to keep the purchase quiet.
Limehouse: You running from Boyd, the law, or both?
Ava: What makes you think that ...
Now if'n you running from Boyd now, a different car might get you some distance. But the law? Don't matter what you're driving. Unh-unh. You need new papers, a new life. In fact, running is a mistake. That's how they find you. And then they'll no doubt come up here looking for you, bringing headache and hassle, wearin' my black ass out.
Ava: I promise you this will be the last time I come up here and ask you for help.
Limehouse: Well, what you gonna do for me, Ava?
Ava: [sighs]
Limehouse: Please. That ain't worth the time I just spent listening to this bullshit. Certainly ain't enough to take on the kind of trouble helping you's gonna bring. You got to give me something gonna get me excited, girl. And that little ring certainly ain't gonna do it.
Ava: I can get you more money.
Limehouse: How much more?
Ava: A lot. Enough to solve some serious problems and then some.
Limehouse: That's desperate talk. You know what Boyd's been up to?
Limehouse: I did hear tell about a certain downtown bank getting hit. Couldn't but help think of your man. That what we talking about?
Ava: I can point you to a large piece of it hidden away. [taps bills] But you gotta get me a car.
Limehouse: You got access to that kind of cash, why come up here?
Ava: Truth be told, I don't want anyone after me, especially Boyd. I just want to disappear. I just want to be left alone.
Limehouse: You remember Errol, don't you? Tell him where to get this money, and he'll take you to a friend's garage.
Ava: I'll point Errol to the money... after I get the car.
Limehouse: So long as you ain't playin' me. That wouldn't be wise.
[door opens]
Boyd: Did you get it done?
Carl: Markham and his boys are throwing a lot of money around.
Not easy convincing people to turn it away.
Boyd: Well, I hope you made it clear no amount of money's gonna matter if they ain't alive to spend it.
Carl: They got the message. Should buy us some time, but we need to get in that vault sooner than later. What do you got?
Boyd: Well, according to the easily suggestible clerk at the Kentucky D.M.S., there's an adit that dead-ends right... here.
Carl: Well, that's only, what, 200 yards?
Boyd: 187 yards, to be exact.
Carl: You're not thinking about ...
Boyd: Oh, that's exactly what I'm thinking.
Carl: Is that gonna be dangerous? Exposed chutes, collapses. Black damp, white damp. Over 40 years of neglect. Blanton's one of the most dangerous there is. We're gonna need help.
The Pig: Bringing on another guy?
Boyd: You know what black damp is? Carbon dioxide, no oxygen.
Boyd: Well, technically, it's carbon dioxide and nitrogen taking out the oxygen. How did you know that?
The Pig: I did a couple summers of room and pillar mining up near Mt. Sterling.
Boyd: Well, you're my kind of man.
Carl: So it is gonna be dangerous.
Boyd: Imagine all the air being sucked out of your lungs. You're choking, like you're drowning, But ain't nary a drop of water in sight.
Carl: This someone we can trust?
[chuckles]
Well, I don't know that trust is an issue. Last time I saw this man, he said he was gonna fill me full of buckshot.
Seabass: So now none of the landowners are willing to sell?
Walker: That is correct.
Seabass: Hillbilly shitheads without two acorns to their name turning down briefcases of cash.
In what world does that make sense?
Walker: Obviously they're being coerced by someone ... Is something else on your mind, Mundo?
Mundo: Blondie's skimming. From the register. Taking money.
Walker: All ... All bartenders skim. The good ones, anyway.
Mundo: No, man. I don't accept that. I'll deal with this sh1t.
Walker: How much, Mundo? How much is she taking?
Mundo: It's gotta be like $40 a night.
[music in background]
Natalie: I saw y'all looking over. I thought you might need something.
Mundo: How about skim milk? You got any skim milk?
Natalie: Th-the kitchen might have some ...
Walker: He's just kidding. We're fine, thanks.
You're aware there's a shortage of arable farmland here in Harlan, correct?
Mundo: Mm, that's the word.
Walker: And each property we fail to acquire potentially costs this operation tens of millions in future earnings, yes?
Mundo: Affirmative.
Walker: Well, perhaps you could forget about the 40 goddamn dollars the bartender's skimming and focus on the larger problem.
Mundo: There ain't no problem. People don't wanna sell, kill 'em.
Walker: That worked once because those folks had no kin and their house went back to the county.
Rest of these landowners got relatives ready to inherit their properties, which means we're back at square one.
Stay here. I'll be back. Hopefully we'll still have jobs.
Seabass: Hey, maybe the, uh, bartender is the one interfering with us buying those properties.
Mundo: You think?
Seabass: No!
Markham: And who do we have to blame for this sudden shift in our fortune?
Walker: We've made enemies aplenty, but the only two with the sway to pull off this kind of thing are the marshal, Givens, or the criminal, Crowder.
Markham: [chuckles] Two very different animals who will require two very different methods of problem-solving.
Walker: I'll find out which is our primary, target accordingly.
Markham: You should bear in mind that "who?" ain't the only question needs answering here. Our adversary somehow knows exactly which properties we're chasing, information I had hoped was not easily acquired.
Walker: I know just the man to see about that.
Markham: Then I suggest you go see him. And shore up any other leaks your ship may have sprung.
Walker: [breathes deeply] Permission to speak freely, sir?
Markham: You about to give me an opinion, or a warning, or both? Seems to me I've been perfectly clear about what I expect to transpire down here. Shouldn't be any more up for discussion.
Walker: Very well, sir.
Boyd: [clears throat] Put that sh1t away. What the hell's wrong with you?
[knocks on window]
Zachariah: Who is it?!
Boyd: It's Boyd Crowder!
Boyd: Unh, unh! Unh, unh, unh, unh, unh!
Hold on.
Zachariah: You remember what I told you last time I seen you?
Boyd: Well, if you mean the notion to shoot me with that shotgun, I most certainly do. But... I have a problem that can only be solved with your wealth of expertise. Now... [exhales] what say... we... we let the past fade off in the rearview and start anew?
[clears throat]
[chuckles]
Boyd: I- I ... I just ...
Well, come on, Zachariah, I just want to talk to you!
Carl: Who in the hell was that again?
Boyd: That's Ava's uncle. He and the other Randolphs never did forgive my deceased brother Bowman for how he treated Ava.
Carl: Doesn't seem like that bottle's gonna get it done.
Boyd: No, it does not. [dialing] Time to bring in the big guns.
Errol: Shakes you up. You don't have to tell me.
Errol: Made me aware of the wrongs I committed. [huffs] Grateful to have a chance to live and set 'em right.
Ava: You're lucky. Was a time, that shot hadn't killed you, Limehouse would have.
Errol: Which way to the money? No, we agreed. I get the car first.
Errol: [scoffs] So you get the car, then you tell me where the money is so I head off to some made-up location while you drive off? Shoot, you didn't really think we'd go for that, did you? You don't believe me?
Errol: Ain't about believing. It's about making sure Mr. Limehouse gets his money. You understand that, I'm sure, baby girl. Now which way to the money?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[cell phone vibrates]
[cell phone beeps]
Raylan: Givens.
Bob: I got 'em, Raylan. I'm all over it.
Raylan: Is she in Nobles?
Bob: No, hey, I followed them out of Nobles.
I leapfrogged ahead of 'em so they wouldn't know I was following them. Now they're headed through downtown.
Raylan: All right. Be careful, Bob. Don't tip 'em.
Bob: Don't worry about me, man. I was born for this sh1t.
Raylan: Yeah, I'm coming, too.
[ice rattles]
[knock on door]
Fekus: [sniffs]
I think you guys got the wrong room.
Wynn: Looks like the right one to me.
[click]
Fekus: You guys with Cindy?
Wynn: Cindy?
Fekus: Yeah.
Wynn: Is that why you left mom and dad's, sexed up this shitty little motel room?
You gonna have yourself the girlfriend experience, Albert? Who are you guys? Just need to talk to you, Albert.
Fekus: Talk about what?
Wynn: Ava Crowder.
[birds cawing]
[clatters]
Boyd: Uh, Zachariah?
Keep your hands where he can see 'em!
[dog barking]
Ahh! Now, before you raise that shotgun, I want to show you something on my phone. Now, this here is a wire transfer for $10,000 from my associate's account to yours. Only thing I need is your banking information.
[inhales sharply]
Boyd: Uh, uh, now I-I know that the Crowders and Randolphs have had some bad blood.
Although Ava taking Bowman's life should have ameliorated the situation.
Zachariah: [chuckles] I see you brought some reinforcements to our little party.
Boyd: I ain't got a lot of time, Zachariah. Now, you see that? Now you say the word, I hit this button. 30 seconds later, that money's in your account. We sit down, have us a drink from that bottle, and you just hear me out.
Zachariah: Uh... what manner of work?
Boyd: Well, Zachariah, the only manner you live for.
[train whistle in distance]
Zachariah: Mm.
[chuckles]
Fekus: All I did was tell the truth.
Why the sudden change of heart?
Fekus: Because I couldn't take the idea of Ava being gone forever because of what I did. So you had what one might call a crisis of conscience. What?
Wynn: A crisis of conscience.
Fekus: Yeah. Yeah, right.
Wynn: What do you think of that, Mikey?
Mike: I think it's some soft-ass nonsense.
Wynn: If what you claim is true, shouldn't you be getting ass-raped in the shower right about now?
Fekus: No, Ava decided not to press charges.
Wynn: Wow. That was nice of her. Why do you think she decided to do that? [Chuckles]
Fekus: Look, I don't know, man. Why don't you ask her, huh? I mean, I lost my job, my pension. This whole thing laid me real low, all right? Maybe she didn't want to lay me any lower.
Wynn: So you sent her to hell, and she decided to let you off the hook?
Fekus: Or maybe she was so relieved I did the right thing, She forgave me. Did you ever think of that, smart guy?
Wynn: Yeah. But that's just not gonna work for us.
Fekus: [sighs] What do you guys want me to say, huh? I mean, I'll ... I'll just say whatever you want me to say, all right? What is that?
Wynn: That is a good old-fashioned cattle prod. I used to use, uh, tasers, but then they started equipping the cartridges with these I.D. tags, made 'em easily trackable. But this little baby right here delivers 2 million volts with no record it ever happened. Last chance, Al.
Fekus: I don't want to be here anymore. Please. Don't ... Don't do that. How did Ava get out of prison?
Fekus: I told you. Okay?
That's what happened. No, no ... [Cattle prod crackling] Ow! Ow! Ow! [Crackling continues] Ow! Ow! Aah! Aah!
Wynn: Tell the truth, all this stops.
[crackling continues]
Fekus: Aah! God!
[whimpering, gasping]
Wynn: Mikey's gonna keep going till you come clean.
Fekus: I told you everything I know!
[Crackles] Aah! Aah! Damn it!
Wynn: Tell the truth, this stops now.
Fekus: [whimpering] Please. [sobbing] [crackling] Aah! Please!
[crackling] Aah!
Please make it stop! Just make ... [crackles] Aah! Goddamn it!
Wynn: Don't be a hero, Al!
Fekus: I swear to god, I loved her, all right? And I wanted to stop her suffering, I swe... Aah!
Wynn: Mikey! All right.
Mike: You believe him?
Wynn: I think if the sorry little sh1t knew anything, he would have spilled by now.
Fekus: Ahh...
Mike: Do we need to kill him?
Fekus: [groaning]
Wynn: I don't think he's gonna say anything. Are you, Albert?
You promise you're not gonna say anything about this incident?
Fekus: Yeah, I prose.
Wynn: All right. Well, then we're gonna let you be. [exhales] And maybe... maybe you can still get it up for Cindy.
[door opens]
Fekus: [groans loudly]
Rachel: Albert, you all right?
Fekus: No, I'm not all right.
You told me you would stop them if they started hurting me!
Rachel: Well, we thought you could tough it out.
Fekus: Goddamn cattle prod! Gosh, that hurt!
Tim: Maybe you should have thought about that before you stabbed yourself and blamed it on Ava.
Rachel: But they didn't kill you, Albert. And guess what. You're completely free now. No more hiding, no more government supervision. You've redeemed yourself.
Fekus: [chuckles flatly] Yeah.
Rachel: Now do you want us to take you to a hospital, or are you okay?
Fekus: I'm okay.
Rachel: Good. Let's roll.
Tim: Bump it. Took that sh1t like a man.
Uncle Sam thanks you for your cooperation.
Errol: What you gonna do once you get your car?
Ava: None of your business. Pull up over there.
Errol: What the hell for?
Ava: We're gonna need a shovel. The cash is buried.
Errol: Didn't occur to you to mention that up at Nobles?
We got plenty of shovels up there.
Ava: [scoffs] You changed the deal.
Ava: I didn't think I'd have to do it myself.
Errol: [sighs]
Ava: You wanna dig with your hands, fine, but I sure the hell ain't.
Ava: I'll just be a minute.
Errol: Good, that means it shouldn't take long. I'm a join you.
Ava: Hi, Mike. Can you show Errol where the shovels are?
Errol: Hey, hey. Where do you think you're off to?
Ava: I need to use the washroom.
Errol: We'll get to that after we get to what we came for.
Raylan: They inside?
Bob: As of a minute ago. Figured we'd take 'em down once they come out.
Raylan: Yeah, uh... You're not gonna say anything?
Raylan: About what?
Bob: About my car. I upped my ride game, man.
Raylan: It's great. Yeah, I had to pawn a bunch of stuff. Mint in-the-package "Star Wars" figures, my Ak-47 ...
Raylan: Listen, Bob, I need you to go inside.
Bob: Yeah, I know. That's why you called me. Let's do this.
Raylan: No, no, I can't do it with you. You're on your own here. Errol can't know I was ever here.
Bob: Why not?
Raylan: I'm gonna tell you this, Bob, 'cause I trust you. Ava is my C.I. Now if I can't get her calmed down, home, without anybody knowing, not only is that woman in danger, but this whole case falls apart.
Bob: [sighs] What do you want me to do?
Raylan: I want you to go in. Take him out.
Bob: Take ... Take him "out" out?
Raylan: Outside. I want you to take him outside so I can go around through the back door, get Ava.
Bob: Okay. Well, Raylan, um... Errol's a big guy. What if he don't listen to me?
Raylan: Well, you got a badge and a set of balls, don't you? There you go. Use those.
Bob: [exhales] Hell, yeah, I got a badge. And I got balls like Death Stars. Let's do this.
Ava: You want me to pee in your car?
Errol: After we get that cash, I'll be able to get me another one.
Ava: [sighs]
Errol: Hey. Let me grab that for you.
Ava: Thank you, Errol. Yeah, don't mention it.
Bob: [mouths words] Sir, uh, sir, is that your ... is that your car outside?
Errol: Yeah. Why? May I ask your name, sir?
Errol: [chuckles] You can ask, sure.
Bob: Sir, my name is Constable Bob Sweeney, and I'm asking you your name.
Errol: Errol Butler.
Bob: Errol Butler. Let me... Yep, that's what I thought. We got a outstanding warrant here for your arrest.
Errol: [chuckles] No, man. You got the wrong guy.
Bob: Well, I'm sure if you just step outside with me, We'll clear this right up.
Errol: I ain't stepping anywhere except inside my car with my friend, and we going on our way.
Bob: All right, sir, we can do this the hard way, or we can do it the easy way.
Errol: Oh, yeah? What's the hard way? What, you gonna shoot a man 'cause he's standing in a hardware store?
Bob: Negatory. I'm gonna call for backup, And you're gonna go to jail, and then we're gonna continue this conversation with you behind bars.
Errol: I don't give a good goddamn if you call the national guard, I ain't going nowhere with you. In fact, let me see what it is you actually got on me.
Bob: No. Listen ...
Errol: Come on, let me see it.
Bob: No, no, back ... get back. Let me see this bullshit.
Bob: Sir, I have a taser! Let me see this bullshit.
Bob: Please step back. I ain't taking no step back. Come on, let me see this, since you're so ... Oh! [electricity crackles] Ohh!
Raylan: Bob, that's enough. When he wakes up, apologize. Say that it was a big misunderstanding, explain to him how sorry you are, and escort him to his car. You, I can't wait to hear what's gonna come out of your mouth.
[music continues]
Zachariah: Knowing you Crowders, I... don't wanna be doing anything that's gonna land me in prison.
Boyd: Just your advice, expertise, perhaps a little lending hand's all we need from you, Zachariah, Which is why I appreciate you telling me they filled in that main portal back there.
Zachariah: Yeah, collapsed some 40 years back.
We were so damn hungry for that... coal seam, we didn't think the abandoned Blanton Bridge would weaken the tunnels, but... we was wrong.
Whew! Yeah. These old steep-pitch mines ... they always needed proximity vents.
We used old Rosendale cement. Comes cheap. Similar type used in the base of the Statue of Liberty, mind you.
Boyd: Well, if you ain't the man, that means you the man sitting beside the man, which means get your ass to work.
[chuckles]
Raylan: So that's it, huh? You ain't gonna say nothin' else?
Ava: I just told you three times everywhere I went, who I talked to.
What else you want?
Raylan: I wanna know what was going through your goddamn brain. I wanna know what you were thinking this morning when you took off.
Ava: I don't know. I wasn't.
Raylan: Did you even plan? Where were you gonna stay tonight and the night after? You got cash? How much? Where'd you get it? You know it's gotta be cash and only cash, right? And what about an I.D.? You got a new I.D.? Hmm? That's the only way to get off the grid.
Ava: No, I don't. I didn't think. I didn't plan. I just ran. Goddamn it, Raylan!
Raylan: You oughta be thanking me. I'm the only reason what you did isn't ending with you back in prison, courtesy of the U.S. Marshal service, or dead by Boyd's hand or one of them other knuckleheads, and that is the only two ways this little stunt of yours could have ended.
Ava: Can I have my phone back, please?
Raylan: Your phone? Did you even hear a goddamn word I just said?
Ava: Yes. I'm trying to keep you alive, and you're running around, trying to burn the both of us and this case.
Ava: Are you done, or would you like to yell at me some more? Or can I go back home and cook the dinner I promised Boyd so I don't have any more explaining to do?
Raylan: Honestly, I'd kinda like to yell at you some more.
[buzzing]
Zachariah: Slower, for sh1t's sake! [buzzing stops] Goddamn! That ain't some old piece of wetwood you're cutting through there. Them sparks got the fire-damp hoo-doos.
Boyd: Decomp causes methane. It's highly combustible.
Zachariah: Combustible? That all you learned from me?
Methane is lighter than air. It's always rising up, just yearnin' for a place to escape, and that gon' be right where them damn sparks are flyin'. Go on!
[buzzing resumes]
Zachariah: Goddamn, boy! Ain't you retain nothin'?!
Boyd: You really love this sh1t, don't you?!
Zachariah: Yeah! Like a monk misses his monastery!
Get the hell off of there!
[Explosion]
[clank]
Carl: Jesus Christ!
[men groaning]
[coughing]
Earl: Ohh!
Aah!
The Pig: Whoo!
Carl: Come here, boy!
Earl: [exhales]
Carl: You all right?!
[coughing]
Zachariah: Damn.
Carl: You all right?!
Earl: I... I can't hear sh1t.
Zachariah: Now you think these virgins gonna make it through?
[chuckles] 'Cause I'm thinkin' not. [sighs]
Boyd: You gon' be all right!
[both exhales]
Damn it, boy.
Earl: Goddamn. [exhales]
Zachariah: We're gonna have to let this vent for a few hours. Now after that '90 collapse over in Joseph's Valley, didn't I hear you swear up and down on your mama's grave that you'd never go in without a good sounding?
Boyd: I did, indeed.
Zachariah: Yeah, well, I'm gonna enjoy seeing you go in the deep. All those traps and chutes breaking through and all those rotting supports busting up. Oh, it's gon' be somethin' to see.
Caprice: Now are you sure you don't wanna check us into a motel? We could watch the TV like we did the other night.
Calhoun: Yeah, well, mighty nice of you to offer, hon, but I still got some paperwork.
Caprice: Mm.
Calhoun: And... [bills rustling] there's a little extra.
Caprice: Mm.
[kiss]
Calhoun: [chuckles]
Seabass: Pretty girl. Friend of yours?
Calhoun: She could be your friend, too.
If you want her number, just ask.
Seabass: Yeah, no, not tonight. Well, didn't know you were coming by, but now that you're here, w-w-what would you l...
Seabass: Shh. Sit. Please? Mundo, I was just thinking about that little S.E.R.E. exercise in Guantánamo. You remember that?
Mundo: Yup.
Seabass: You know what that is? S.E.R.E.?
Mundo: Survival, evasion, resistance, and escape.
Seabass: That's right. Basically, the role of interrogation and torture in acquiring information ... useful stuff. Now the end of our training, we got pretty damn good at it. Nod your head if you understand me. Nod your head if you understand me. There you go. [chuckles]
Seabass: Oh. I remember... [chuckles] this one instance an Afghan, a brother of a Taliban leader, who just wouldn't talk. I mean, this ... this guy had conviction. You ever heard of a peroneal strike? Hitting the peroneal nerve over and over, day after day, hour after hour? This young fella held out for over a week. Ouch. But... he finally talked. All that unnecessary pain. Could have been over before it started. The doctor that treated him said it looked like he was hit by a bus. Well, I don't understand what this ...
Seabass: No, no, shh, shh. See, you're the only other person who knew which properties we wanted. And now... it's out there. Who's doing it and how do they know? Who's doing it and how do they know? Who and how, Calhoun?
Calhoun: I honestly don't know.
Seabass: How about a starter tap?
Calhoun: Uhh!
[thud]
Seabass: What the hell, man?! Is he alive?
Mundo: Mnh-mnh.
Seabass: I said a starter tap.
Mundo: You want him slapped like a little girl, you do it.
All right? You ask me, he gets Amtrak-ed.
[door closes]
Ava: You happy? I'm home, safe. You can go now.
Raylan: No. Not till I know you ain't gonna wake up tomorrow mornin' and run again.
Ava: I ain't gonna wake up tomorrow mornin' and run again.
Raylan: Ava, this ain't gonna work if there's no trust.
Ava: Oh. So now we're gonna have a trustful relationship.
You want me to believe that you're gonna keep me out of danger when here you are, putting me right back in it.
Raylan: The truth is, this is the safest place you could be, right here, next to Boyd. Anywhere else, you're in trouble.
Ava: The truth is, is that you don't give a sh1t about me. You just care that I don't jeopardize your precious case against Boyd.
Raylan: There are plenty of people to make sure Boyd pays for the suffering he has caused.
Ava: Then why are you here?
[package thuds]
What's in it for you?
Raylan: Finishing the job, what you and me started together, and that is how we're gonna finish it ... together.
Ava: Then what?
Raylan: It's up to you. What do you want?
Ava: I want cash. 100 grand.
Raylan: That's a bit much. Aim for 50.
Ava: And I want out of the country. No witsec deal. I'll pick the place. You make it happen.
Raylan: I can promise you that I will find you a place where you are safe... you can be happy, and where you can start over. Now, isn't that what you want?
Ava: There's gotta be a place in hell for a man that breaks a promise to a woman.
Raylan: I ain't worried.
Ava: You gonna take care of me? Like you did when you came to my door after Bowman? The answer to my prayers? [chuckles]
[cell phone vibrates]
[whispers] It's Boyd.
[cell phone vibrates]
He should be back soon. You should go.
Raylan: If you don't mind, I was just thinking I'd stick around for a bit. | Plan: A: the previous episode; Q: When did Ava get scared? A: Albert Fekus; Q: Who did Tim and Rachel speak to after Ava's scare? A: his story; Q: What does Fekus need to keep straight? A: a man; Q: Who is watching Fekus' house? A: Wynn Duffy; Q: Who put a lookout at Fekus' house to watch for law enforcement? A: Wynn; Q: Who believes Fekus's story that he recanted? A: an informant; Q: What does the lookout at Fekus' house indicate Ava is? A: surveillance; Q: What did the marshalls set up at Fekus' motel? A: the truth; Q: What do Wynn and Mikey want to get out of Fekus? A: a prostitute; Q: What does Fekus claim he's there to meet? A: a cattle-prod; Q: What is Fekus under duress of? A: Raylan; Q: Who calls Ava for a face-to-face meeting? A: her phone; Q: What did Ava throw out of her truck window? A: Nobles Hollow; Q: Where does Ava go to ask for help going on the run? A: Limehouse; Q: Who does Ava ask for help going on the run? A: enough cash; Q: What does Ava lack to pay for the car she offers to Errol? A: Errol; Q: Who does Ava offer to show a big score to in exchange for a car? A: Constable Bob Sweeney; Q: Who does Raylan enlist to track Ava down? A: any flags; Q: What does Raylan want Bob Sweeney to avoid raising? A: a taser; Q: What does Bob use to separate Ava from Errol? A: a plan; Q: What does Raylan think Ava is running without? A: Witness Protection; Q: Where does Raylan promise to find Ava when the case is over? A: Ty; Q: Who becomes worried when land sales fail to go through? A: Boyd's crew; Q: Who threatened land owners against selling? A: Avery; Q: Who is concerned about a leak in Ty's operation? A: results; Q: What does Avery demand from Ty? A: Sean; Q: Who is sent to Calhoun to intimidate him? A: Calhoun; Q: Where does Ty send Sean and Choo-Choo to? A: prolonged impact; Q: What torture does Sean try to scare Calhoun with? A: one hit; Q: How many hits does Choo-Choo use to kill Calhoun? A: a 40-year-old mineshaft; Q: What does Boyd plan to extend to tunnel out the vault? A: expert miner Zachariah Randolph; Q: Who does Boyd call on to help him extend the mineshaft? A: Zachariah Randolph; Q: Who is Ava's uncle? A: Bowman; Q: Who did Zachariah Randolph have a disagreement with the Crowders over? A: a shotgun; Q: What does Boyd threaten Zachariah with? A: $10k; Q: How much did Boyd pay Zachariah Randolph to hear him out on the job? A: a ventilation shaft; Q: What do Boyd and Zachariah cut into to start the tunneling project? A: an ominous methane explosion; Q: What does Boyd's plan trigger? Summary: After Ava's scare in the previous episode, Tim and Rachel speak to Albert Fekus and make sure he keeps his story straight. They observe a man watching his house. Wynn Duffy had put a lookout there specifically to watch for law enforcement, which would indicate Ava is an informant. The marshalls call Fekus to meet at a motel where they've set up surveillance. Wynn and Mikey arrive to get the truth out of Fekus, who claims he's there to meet a prostitute. Under duress of a cattle-prod, Fekus says that he recanted because he loved Ava, and Wynn believes him. Raylan calls Ava for another face-to-face meeting but she is so stressed that she tosses her phone out her truck window. Ava goes to Nobles Hollow and asks Limehouse for help going on the run; lacking enough cash to pay, she offers to show Errol a big score in town in exchange for a car. Raylan enlists Constable Bob Sweeney to track her down without raising any flags, and Bob separates Ava from Errol with a taser. Raylan questions Ava's state of mind, running without a plan, endangering her future and his case. Raylan promises when it's over to find Ava a safe place in Witness Protection where she can start over and be happy. Ty becomes worried when land sales fail to go through, Boyd's crew having threatened owners against selling. Avery is concerned there's a leak in Ty's operation and pressures him to plug it, demanding results. Ty sends Sean and Choo-Choo to Calhoun late that evening and after Sean does his best to intimidate Calhoun with a story of prolonged impact torture Choo-Choo lays him out with one hit, killing him. Boyd hatches a plan to extend a 40-year-old mineshaft and tunnel out the vault, calling on expert miner Zachariah Randolph, Ava's uncle who has been at odds with the Crowder's over how Bowman treated her. After staring down a shotgun, Boyd pays Zachariah $10k to hear him out on the job, and they start by cutting into a ventilation shaft, triggering an ominous methane explosion. |
Scene: The cafeteria.
Raj: So, anyway, last night on video chat, I spent, like, twenty minutes just staring into Lucy's eyes.
Leonard: Oh, that sounds romantic.
Raj: It was until I realized the screen had frozen. Still one of my top three datesof all time.
Leonard: So, are we ever gonna hang out with this girl?
Raj: I'd love that, but she's not really comfortable around people.
Sheldon: Yeah, I used to be uncomfortable around people, but then I learned a trick. I pretend everyone I meet is a beloved character from Star Trek.
Leonard: How's that been working for you?
Sheldon: Oh, like a charm, unnamed crewman in a red shirt.
Howard: Leonard, I may have gotten you a job.
Leonard: I have a job.
Sheldon: Yes, he does. He caters to my every whim.
Howard: No, in a couple of weeks, Stephen Hawking's team is sending an expedition to the North Sea to test hydrodynamic simulations of black holes. One of their experimental physicists dropped out, and I recommended you.
Leonard: Well, do you really think I have a shot?
Howard: Yeah, I've worked with Hawking. I talked you up. He knows your research. I think this could happen.
Leonard: He knows, wow.
Sheldon: Well, now, but do you think that's a good idea? Uh, you know Star Trek. Should a guy with no name and a red shirt really go on an expedition?
Raj: Hey, don't discourage him. This is a fantastic opportunity.
Sheldon: No one asked you, Uhura.
Scene: Leonard's car.
Sheldon: Would you like to hear a classic Sheldon Cooper factoid?
Leonard: What do you think?
Sheldon: Great. I've been doing some reading about vehicular safety. Did you know that the highest number of drowning accidents happen on or around boats?
Leonard: Interesting that you would bring that up when I might go work on a boat.
Sheldon: Well, that's the thing about factoids, they're interesting.
Leonard: I know what you're doing. You don't want me going on this research trip because you're afraid to be alone.
Sheldon: I'm not afraid to be alone. On land. On the sea, it would be terrifying. Because of all the drowning.
Leonard: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Fine, no more drowning talk. I'll change the subject. Oh. Who do you think would win in a fight, you or a shark?
Leonard: Look, I appreciate your signature blend of concern for me and incredible selfishness. If I get the chance to do this, there is nothing you can say that's going to stop me.
Sheldon: Very well. Things between you and Penny have never been better. I hope four months apart doesn't change anything. I should have opened with that, huh? Credits sequence.
Scene: Raj's apartment. Lucy is looking through Raj's telescope.
Raj: If you look carefully at Venus, you should be able to see the International Space Station pass by.
Lucy: Wow. Your friend was actually up there?
Raj: Yeah. He brought me back a T-shirt that said My Friend Went to the Space Station and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt
Lucy: Did he take the T-shirt to space?
Raj: Nope. It's exactly as lousy as advertised. Speaking of friends, they have been asking to meet you. I was thinking maybe we could all hang out sometime?
Lucy: I don't know. How many are there?
Raj: Let's see. Six. That's pretty cool, I have six friends. Kind of like Sinatra.
Lucy: Six strangers? That's a lot of pressure. Staring at me, asking me personal questions. Like, what do you do? Where are you from? Why did you lock yourself in the bathroom?
Raj: Okay, how about you just dip your toe in and meet one of them?
Lucy: Will you be there?
Raj: Of course.
Lucy: Well, that's two. Three if you count me. Oh, this is getting out of hand.
Scene: Penny's apartment.
Penny: So, then, during my afternoon shift, I spilled an entire tray of drinks on myself.
Leonard: Oh, that's awful.
Penny: Not really. My shirt was soaking wet. I got, like, the biggest tip of my life.
Leonard: So, listen, do you remember when I said the similarities of the equations of general relativity and hydrodynamics suggest you could find the equivalent of Unruh radiation in a large body of water?
Penny: I thought I said that to you.
Leonard: Anyway, Stephen Hawking's team is looking into that, and I've been invited to join them.
Penny: Wow, Hawking. Good for you.
Leonard: Well, it is. Just, you know, I'd be gone for a while.
Penny: Well, how long?
Leonard: Three, four months.
Penny: Whoa. When would you leave?
Leonard: Couple of weeks.
Penny: Wow. Oh, okay, well, I'll just come visit you.
Leonard: That's the thing, you can't. I'll be on a ship in the North Sea.
Penny: On a ship? Aren't they afraid Hawking will just roll overboard?
Leonard: Uh, he's not gonna be there. He's just sending a team to research his theory.
Penny: Oh, sure. Like when you send me to kill spiders in your bathtub. Wow. Okay. Four months.
Leonard: Yeah. And I'm a little worried because things between us have been so great, and I'd hate to do anything that screws that up.
Penny: Oh, sweetie, if you're gonna screw things up, it's gonna be while you're here, not while you're away. No. I mean, look, you have to go. It sounds like an amazing opportunity. And I'm just basing that on how much I didn't understand what you said about it.
Leonard: Okay. I'll confirm the travel arrangements in the morning.
Penny: Okay. Good.
Leonard: I do have to ask you one favour.
Penny: Sure.
Leonard: Sheldon's nervous about me leaving. Just keep an eye on him while I'm gone.
Penny: Oh, I don't know. Remember what happened when I took care of your goldfish?
Leonard: Well, flush Sheldon down the toilet and get me a new one.
Scene: The apartment.
Leonard: Really, you guys do not need to throw me a going-away party.
Howard: Are you kidding me? How often can you say bon voyage to somebody when they're actually going on a voyage?
Amy: Hello, Rajesh.
Howard (in Raj accent): Hello, Amy. Nice to see you. What can I say? It's funnier with the accent.
Leonard: There's beer in the fridge. Anyway, you guys really don't need to make a big deal.
Sheldon: Leonard, you're being selfish. We need to give you a proper send-off so we'll have closure when you die at sea and crabs eat your face.
Penny: Sheldon, sweetie, shut up.
Bernadette: You know, one of the things that helped me get through Howard being in space for so long was getting married before he left.
Penny: Bernadette, sweetie, shut up.
Raj: Okay. I have a request to make.
Amy: And now he can talk. I want to cut open your brain and see what the heck's going on in there.
Raj: The only person allowed inside this head is Dr. Phil. Anyway, I, I spoke to my new lady friend about meeting you all, and she thought it would be easier for her to start with just one.
Sheldon: Oh, gee, I don't know. My schedule's a little busy.
Raj: Actually, I was thinking Leonard.
Leonard: Oh. Thank you, Raj. I'd be honoured.
Howard: What the hell? I thought I was your best friend.
Raj: You are, but you've got kind of a big personality, with your flashy clothes and your Woody Allen swagger.
Penny: You know, maybe she'd be more comfortable meeting a girl first.
Raj: Good idea. Bernadette?
Penny: What the hell?
Raj: Well, you're very pretty. That could be intimidating to another woman.
Penny: Oh, yeah.
Bernadette: Hey, you don't think I'm pretty enough to scare your girlfriend?
Howard: Calm down, Bernie. You're very scary.
Amy: It should be me.
Raj: Why? So you can make jokes about cutting open my brain?
Amy: A, that was not a joke, that was a sincere request. And B, more importantly, I was the outsider to this group, and I know how frightening that can be. But you guys took me in and made me feel loved, like I was family.
Sheldon: Fine, I'll do it.
Scene: Raj's apartment.
Amy: So, after I started dating Sheldon, I met Leonard, and then everybody else, and they've all been so wonderful to me.
Lucy: That's really nice to hear.
Amy: Maybe next week, we could all get together.
Raj: Oh, Lucy, you don't have to answer that. Don't put her on the spot. She hates that. Am I right? Tell her how much you hate being put on the spot. Go ahead, tell her.
Amy: Ignore him. He's a little nervous 'cause he doesn't think I understand the severity of your social anxiety.
Raj: What the? Are you crazy? You can't talk about social anxiety to someone who has social anxiety. It makes them socially anxious!
Amy: Excuse me, but I'm a neurobiologist. I think I'm a little more qualified than you to understand what's not working in your girlfriend's brain!
Raj: Don't call her my girlfriend. We haven't discussed whether or not we're girlfriend or boyfriend yet. Now that it's out there, are you my girlfriend? By the way, if you say no, I'll never be happy again. Not to put you on the spot.
Lucy: I think I have to go to the bathroom.
Raj: We might as well go ahead and eat. She's not coming back anytime soon.
Scene: A store.
Sheldon: This is ridiculous, we're shopping for a party and this store doesn't even have a party section.
Penny: Yeah, it does, and here we are.
Sheldon: You know, I have to say, Penny, I don't understand why you of all people are encouraging Leonard to do this.
Penny: Well, I'm his girlfriend, of course I'm gonna support him.
Sheldon: Yeah, well, you're his girlfriend for now. You know, maybe you're not aware of this, but there is a rich tradition of men at sea finding comfort in each other's arms and britches.
Penny: Honey, this is a big deal for Leonard, okay? He gets to work with Stephen Hawking. Who, by the way, will not be on the boat. I checked it out.
Sheldon: It's not that big of an opportunity. And even if Hawking's theories are correct, all they prove is where the universe came from, why everything exists and what its ultimate end will be. I mean, me? I'm interested in the big questions.
Penny: Oh, my God, Sheldon the genius is jealous of Leonard.
Sheldon: I'm not jealous. I'm just very unhappy that good things are happening for him and not happening for me.
Penny: Look, sweetie, this is a natural thing to feel, okay? But just because good things are happening to Leonard doesn't take anything away from you. You know what? Let me tell you a little story. Once there was a girl who worked at the Cheesecake Factory, and she wasn't very good at her job.
Sheldon: It was you.
Penny: It wasn't me. But she was also an actress, and we were both up for the same part in a toothpaste commercial. She got it. Look, I was so jealous. But instead of ripping out her fake blonde hair...
Sheldon: You ripped out your own fake blonde hair.
Penny: I, looked her in the eye, smiled and said, I'm happy for you. Because that's what friends do.
Sheldon: They lie so they don't look petty.
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: How?
Penny: Like this. I am so happy for you.
Sheldon: Wow. No wonder you didn't get that toothpaste commercial.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene: Raj's apartment.
Raj (on skype): Hey.
Lucy: Hi.
Raj: I want to apologize for Amy last night. She was completely out of line. Are you, are you not speaking to me or did the screen freeze again?
Lucy: Amy wasn't the problem.
Raj: Okay. I know. It was me. I, I pushed too hard. I'm sorry.
Lucy: Thank you.
Raj: You know, I, I've been thinking that maybe meeting somebody one-on-one is too intense, so Friday night, my friends are having a party.
Lucy: A party?
Raj: A little one. It's, it's a farewell for Leonard, so all the attention will be on him. If you wear something brown and sit on the couch, they won't even know you're there.
Lucy: I'm not sure.
Raj: Oh, please?
Lucy: Raj.
Raj: Come on. Don't make me beg. And I'm from India, so I know how to do it.
Lucy: Okay.
Raj: Yeah, thank you! This means a lot to me. My friends are like my family. Unless you don't like them, in which case, they're dead to me.
Scene: The apartment.
Bernadette: So, have you ever spent a long time on a boat before?
Leonard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Are you referring to the time we got stuck on the Small World ride at Disneyland?
Leonard: Yeah.
Howard: I'm proud of you, Leonard. Working out on the North Sea for months, that's really something.
Leonard: I know. As far as science goes, this is the adventure of a lifetime.
Howard: Maybe your lifetime. I went to space.
Leonard: It's not a competition.
Howard: You're right, you're right. I'm really proud of you, and I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. And space beats water.
Amy: Rajesh, I thought Lucy was coming.
Raj: She is. She's just running a little late. You know how it is, girls always fussing about their hair, their makeup. She'll be here. Just give it a rest, okay?
Sheldon: Um, can I have your attention, everyone? (Clinks glass) That's, uh, B-flat, for those who don't have perfect pitch. I would like to propose a toast to my best friend, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. He has been presented with a wonderful opportunity, and I couldn't be happier for him.
Leonard: Thank you, Sheldon. That must've been very hard for you to say.
Sheldon: Well, I mean it. I'm really happy for you. And that's how you get a toothpaste commercial. Cheers.
Howard: Cheers.
Penny: Cheers.
Howard: It was really nice of you to try to be happy for Leonard.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Howard: It must've killed you when I went to space.
Raj (Looking at phone): Oh, no.
Howard: Buddy, you okay? Oh, man.
Bernadette: What's going on?
Raj: Uh, go ahead. Read it.
Howard: Raj, I can't come to the party. This is all just too much for me. I don't think we should see each other any more. Sorry. Lucy.
Raj: Excuse me.
Penny: Raj, I'm so sorry.
Amy: Me, too.
Sheldon: It did not kill me when you went to space. Monkeys went to space.
Scene: Penny's car, outside the Airport.
Penny: Well, here we are.
Leonard: Yep. I'm really gonna miss you.
Penny: I'm gonna miss you, too.
Sheldon: Penny, we're in the red zone. The white zone is for loading and unloading. We're breaking the law.
Penny: Okay, there's no space in the white zone, so...
Leonard: Anyway, we can e-mail, and I think the phone connections are pretty good.
Sheldon: All right, you have to get out of the car right now. I'm not going to jail for you.
Leonard: Would you just relax?
Sheldon: Oh, I see a space in the white zone. Quick, circle the airport.
Penny: Did you bring enough inhalers?
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny: And, uh, extra Dramamine? You remember what happened on It's a Small World.
Leonard: I'm covered.
Penny: Okay.
Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, a police officer's glancing in our direction. We've been made.
Leonard: Calm down. I'm getting out. I have something I want to give you.
Penny: Oh, Leonard.
Sheldon: It's just a heart-shaped locket with a picture of Leonard's face in it. He got it at the mall on clearance. Now move, move, move.
Penny: I love you.
Leonard: I love you, too.
Sheldon: Don't worry, Officer. They just love each other. We're not smuggling drugs.
Scene: Raj's apartment.
Penny: Raj, it's Penny. Are you in there?
Raj: Hang on.
Penny: Hey. I'm just coming back from the airport. I wanted to see how you're doing.
Raj: That's, that's very nice of you. Uh, come, come. Come on in.
Penny: Can't stay long. I left Sheldon in the car with the window cracked open. He's gonna go through that activity book in, like, 30 seconds, so... Are you okay?
Raj: No.
Penny: Oh. I'm so sorry.
Raj: No. It's my fault. You know, I finally found someone who was right for me, and I, I drove her away.
Penny: Oh, Raj.
Raj: Penny, I, I miss her already.
Penny: I know how you feel. I miss Leonard, too.
Raj: What's like, what is wrong with me? Why, why can't I ever have love?
Penny: You will.
Raj: No, I, I won't. I'm, I'm unlovable.
Penny: That's just the booze talking.
Raj: No, it's not. I haven't had a drink since last night.
Penny: You're talking to me.
Raj: I am. And now I'm crying for a whole different reason!
Penny: Oh, me, too.
Scene: Penny's apartment.
Raj: So I guess what I'm saying is I get where Lucy's coming from.
Penny: That's great. Do you want some wine?
Raj: Uh, no, water's fine. Anyhow, I've been thinking about it a lot and, and I totally see why Lucy did what she did. I pushed too hard. But you know what? If I back off and give her enough space, maybe there's still a future for us. Yeah, the funny thing about life is that, you know, sometimes...
Amy: Does he ever shut up?
Raj: ... but then it turns good again, and that means it's better than if it had never been bad for a while. I know that now, thing's aren't good, they are in fact very very bad but at least my heart is starting to heal. Slowly but surely. And oh how I cried. It was like a little, uh, thunderstorm on my face. But I'm a man, okay? So I need to pull myself together, pick up a pen and get it all out in my journal. I mean, it's not all bad, right? Having my heart broken has allowed me to finally speak in front of you, so, you know, a silver lining.... | Plan: A: Stephen Hawking; Q: Who plans a North Sea expedition to find the hydrodynamic equivalent of Unruh radiation? A: The team's experimental physicist; Q: Who backs out of the expedition? A: Howard; Q: Who proposes Leonard to be the team's experimental physicist? A: four months; Q: How long does Leonard have to leave Penny? A: a great career opportunity; Q: Why does Penny encourage Leonard to go on the expedition? A: Leonard's career move; Q: What is Sheldon jealous of? A: extended solitude; Q: What is Sheldon afraid of? A: his jealousy; Q: What does Sheldon overcome on Penny's advice? A: the gang; Q: Who wants to meet Lucy? A: Lucy; Q: Who did Raj break up with? A: new people; Q: What does Lucy hate meeting? A: The honor; Q: What does Amy get for meeting Lucy? A: Amy; Q: Who is the newest member of the group? A: the bathroom; Q: Where does Lucy escape to when Raj demands to know about their relationship? A: tears; Q: What does Raj experience when Lucy breaks up with him? A: the airport; Q: Where does Penny drive Leonard to after he breaks up with him? A: the alcohol; Q: What does Penny say is talking to Raj? A: his selective mutism; Q: What has Raj overcome? A: the women; Q: Who does Raj annoy by talking non-stop about Lucy? Summary: Stephen Hawking plans a North Sea expedition to find the hydrodynamic equivalent of Unruh radiation. The team's experimental physicist backs out so Howard proposes Leonard in his place. Though he is reluctant to leave Penny for four months. She encourages Leonard since it is a great career opportunity, whereas Sheldon, jealous of Leonard's career move and afraid of extended solitude, vainly tries to dissuade him. On Penny's advice, Sheldon overcomes his jealousy, later toasting Leonard supportively at his bon voyage party. Meanwhile the gang wants to meet Lucy, who hates meeting new people, so Raj suggests she first meet just one of them. The honor falls to Amy, the newest of the group. Amy handles Lucy well, but when Raj demands to know the status of their relationship, Lucy escapes to the bathroom. Later, Lucy reluctantly agrees to go to Leonard's party, but instead texts Raj there to break up with him, reducing him to tears. Later, after driving Leonard to the airport, Penny visits Raj to console him. When he says he is unlovable, Penny says the alcohol is talking - yet Raj has been sober since Lucy broke up with him. Both are amazed and happy to realize Raj has finally overcome his selective mutism. The episode ends with Raj annoying the women by talking non-stop about Lucy. |
Scene: The apartment
Sheldon: Why hast thou forsaken me, O deity whose existence I doubt?
Policeman: Here. Breathe into this bag.
Leonard: What's going on?
Sheldon: They stole everything, Leonard, everything.
Policeman: Are you the roommate?
Leonard: Yeah, Leonard Hofstadter. What happened?
Policeman: Your friend here called 911 to report a robbery.
Leonard: Oh, my God, what did they get?
Sheldon: What didn't they get? They got my enchanted weapons, my vicious gladiator armour, my wand of untainted power, and all my gold.
Leonard: You called the police because someone hacked your World of Warcraft account?
Sheldon: What choice did I have? The mighty Sheldor, level 85 blood elf, hero of the Eastern kingdoms, has been picked clean, like a carcass in the desert sun. Plus, the FBI hung up on me.
Policeman: Into the bag.
Sheldon: They took my battle ostrich.
Leonard: Oh, no, not Glenn?
Sheldon: Yes, Glenn! The only bird I ever loved.
Policeman: Good luck, fellas.
Leonard: Thank you, officer.
Sheldon: Wait a minute! You're not going to do anything?
Policeman: Mr. Cooper, there's nothing...
Sheldon: Doctor Cooper.
Policeman: Seriously?
Leonard: Not the kind with access to drugs.
Policeman: Fine. Dr. Cooper. I'm sorry for your loss, but the Pasadena Police Department doesn't have jurisdiction in Pandora.
Sheldon: That's from Avatar, World of Warcraft takes place in Azeroth. Goodness gracious, how are you allowed to carry a gun? Can you at least refer me to a rogue ex-cop?
Policeman: What?
Sheldon: You know, one who was drummed off the force because he refused to play by the rules, and now he hires himself out to impose his own brand of rough justice?
Policeman: No.
Leonard: Thank you, officer.
Sheldon: It's all gone. All gone.
Leonard: I'm really sorry, Sheldon.
Sheldon: What kind of world do we live in, where a man would take another man's battle ostrich?
Leonard: I don't know.
Sheldon: This act of aggression must be met with swift and cruel ferocity. It is time to cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war.
Leonard: I'm on it. (On phone) Hi, Mrs. Wolowitz. Is, is Howard there? Okay, thanks. That particular dog of war will have to call you back after his bath.
Sheldon: See if Raj is done with Pilates. Credits sequence.
Scene: The apartment.
Sheldon: Three thousand hours. Three thousand hours clicking on that mouse, collecting weapons and gold. It's almost as if it was a huge waste of time.
Howard: Whoever did this knew what they were doing. He got in and out of your account in under 15 minutes, transferred all your stuff, and didn't leave a digital fingerprint.
Sheldon: Oh! There isn't enough camomile tea in the world to quell the rage in my heart.
Raj: Hold on. I'm talking to an orc under the bridge in Thunder Bluff who says if we pay him, he'll help us track down your things.
Sheldon: Can we trust him?
Raj: I should say so, he appears to be a member of the Nigerian royal family.
Howard: Whoa! Somebody's auctioning off a jewelled ostrich bridle!
Sheldon: No. Glenn's was leather. He was a simple ostrich. Is! Is, I haven't given up hope.
Penny: Hey.
Leonard: Hey, Penny. We're kind of in the middle of a crisis, here.
Penny: Oh, I know. Bernadette told me. Sorry, Sheldon. I know that game meant a lot to you.
Sheldon: That game? Excuse me, Penny, but Doodle Jump is a game. Angry Birds is a game. World of Warcraft is a massively multi-player online role-playing... all right, technically it's a game.
Raj: Bad news, the Nigerian prince may be a fraud.
Penny: Okay, well, anyways, I brought you a day-old cheesecake to cheer you up!
Sheldon: Stale pastry is hollow succour to a man who is bereft of ostrich.
Penny: Just say thank you.
Sheldon: I thought I just did.
Penny: All right. See you later.
Priya: Oh! Hello.
Penny: Oh, hi! I was just dropping off a cheesecake to Sheldon. He was robbed of a bunch of imaginary crap that's useful in a make-believe place.
Priya: I don't know what that means.
Penny: Yeah, well, sadly, I do.
Scene: Penny's apartment.
Penny: Did you know last weekend Priya took Leonard rollerblading at the beach? Can you believe that?
Bernadette: I feel like I'm supposed to say that bitch, but I don't have enough information.
Penny: I am the one who spent two years trying to get him to even go to the beach in the first place. And he was so phobic about stepping on medical waste, I had to carry him to the water.
Bernadette: I took Howard to the beach once. He almost burst into flames like a vampire.
Penny: So what's the thanks I get for turning Leonard into quality boyfriend material? I have to tiptoe around his new girlfriend.
Amy: I think you're on.
Bernadette: Oh. That bitch!
Penny: Want some coffee liqueur on your ice cream?
Amy: Ah, here's the alcohol and drug peer pressure Mother warned me about. I was starting to think it was never going to happen. Yes, please.
Penny: You guys should've seen Leonard when I first met him. There was no eye contact. He was either looking up at the ceiling, or down at his shoes.
Amy: I'm drunk.
Penny: You know, for the first couple of months, whenever I would take off my bra, he would giggle and say, oh boy, my breast friends.
Bernadette: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm never speaking to Priya again.
Penny: No, don't do that. No reason to be mean to her.
Amy: This may be the alcohol talking, but I believe there is. Are you familiar with the recent study of Tanzanian chimpanzees by Nishida and Hosaka out of Kyoto University?
Penny: No, but I can name all the Kardashians.
Amy: Primates, such as ourselves, have a natural instinct to ostracize ill-mannered members of the troop. Bernadette's urge to shun, scowl or fling her waste at Priya is hard-wired into her DNA.
Bernadette: I don't have an urge to fling my waste.
Amy: Believe me, it's there, we all have it. Hit me with some more booze, and I'll show you.
Scene: The apartment
Howard: All right, here we are, this is the tavern where all the black-market weapon trades go down.
Raj: I don't think my character should be in a place like this. Everyone's undressing her with their eyes.
Howard: Maybe if you stop dropping your sword and bending over to pick it up.
Leonard: Okay, what exactly are we looking for?
Howard: Redheaded troll, goes by the name of Glumly. According to the message boards, if you want to move stolen goods and it's after school hours, he's your guy.
Priya: Leonard, is this going to take much longer? I thought we were going to spend some time together.
Leonard: Uh, we are. In the meantime, you're welcome to whip up a quick character and join us.
Priya: Seriously?
Leonard: Well, you have to put in a credit card number, but it's fun.
Priya: Maybe I should just go home.
Howard: Our troll just walked in! I got him!
Leonard: We got him. We're almost done.
Howard: So, how do you guys want to play this?
Sheldon: Be ruthless. You tell him if he doesn't start talking, we'll register a complaint with his Internet service provider.
Raj: Sheldon, what if he gets his Internet from his cable company? He could lose his HBO and all their delightful original programming.
Sheldon: I don't care! I'm losin' it, man!
Leonard: Why don't we play this smart? Try a little good goblin, bad goblin.
Priya: Oh, dear Lord.
Howard: Nah, I think we have to be more subtle.
Raj: Okay, I see where this is going. Fine, I'll have s*x with him.
Leonard: That's not where it was going.
Raj: Good, because I would hate that.
Priya: Leonard, you're busy, let's talk tomorrow.
Leonard: Oh, wait. Hang on. Are you upset?
Priya: No, no, I think it's sexy to date a boy trapped in a man's body.
Leonard: Good, good. I'll tell you what happens.
Sheldon: And people think I don't get sarcasm.
Scene: The hallway.
Amy: Well, well, well. Look who it is.
Penny: Okay, be nice.
Priya: Hello.
Penny: Hi. We're just heading out for a drink.
Amy: Because I do that now.
Bernadette: Count your blessings you're not a Tanzanian chimp.
Priya: What?
Penny: Don't listen to her, she's had a lot of ice cream. Do you want to join us?
Priya: Oh, thank you, but I have work to do.
Amy: Four women walk down the stairs, how many reach the lobby?
Scene: The cafeteria.
Leonard: Did your sister say anything when you got home last night?
Raj: Oh, no, don't put me in the middle of this. I'm not going to be your go-between.
Leonard: Come on, help me out. Am I in trouble?
Raj: There's no reason to worry.
Leonard: That's a relief.
Raj: I'm sure many women in happy relationships spend their nights skyping with their ex-boyfriend Sanjay.
Howard: Good news, gentlemen, I found our hacker.
Sheldon: What?
Leonard: Really?
Howard: Yeah. No one can hide from me, not Waldo, not Carmen San Diego, not even topless Natalie Portman.
Sheldon: I've never said these words before, but good job, Howard!
Howard: Thanks. Our culprit is one Mr. Todd Zarnecki, 2711 Ocean View Road, Carlsbad, California.
Sheldon: The name and the address drip with evil.
Raj: What else do we know about him?
Howard: Well, quite a bit, actually.
Leonard: I'll bet he's some loser who lives with his parents.
Howard: Yes, he does live with his parents. Here's a Google Earth shot of their house.
Sheldon: Excellent! It's in a cul-de-sac. We can box him in.
Leonard: Hold on, you're thinking of going there?
Sheldon: Carlsbad is only a couple of hours away.
Leonard: Fine. You walk up to the house, knock on the door and demand your stuff back. What if he says no?
Sheldon: I don't know if you've been following the news, Leonard, but there have been some terrific advancements in the field of torture.
Leonard: No one's getting tortured.
Sheldon: Fine, we'll abide by the Geneva Convention. But ask yourself this, in the course of our lives, how much lunch money has been taken from us? How many kites? How many Scooby-Doo Trapper Keepers?
Raj: I totally had one of those.
Sheldon: Of course you did. It was a fun and practical way of organizing your school work. But the bullies took it from us. Well, no more. Tonight, we take back our dignity, our birthright and our pride. What do you say? Who's with me?
Raj: I have a hip-hop aerobics class at five, could we go after?
Sheldon: Sure.
Howard: Also, tonight's the Sabbath and my mother and I have a tradition of lighting the candles and watching Wheel of Fortune, so If we could leave at eight, we'd still be able to regain our birthright at ten, ten thirty latest.
Sheldon: Fine. Leonard?
Leonard: Oh, geez, I don't know if I can ditch Priya two nights in a row.
Raj: Oh, come on, man. Bros before... my sister.
Leonard: Aw, screw it. I'm in.
Raj: Me, too.
Howard: And me.
Sheldon: One moment. (Places a tissue on their hands before adding his own) I'm hell-bent on catching a cyber criminal, not the common cold.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene: Howard's house
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I thought this delay was so you could watch Wheel of Fortune with your mother.
Howard: I am. She's just bleaching her moustache. Check it out. Hey, Ma! Before and After! Four words, 17 letters, two N's, one V.
Howard's Mother (off): Fanny pack of wolves.
Leonard: That's incredible.
Howard: Yeah, she's kind of a Wheel savant.
Leonard (phone rings): Uh-oh, that's Priya.
Raj: Sitar music for her ringtone is not cool, dude.
Leonard: Hit the... Hey, sweetie. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm gonna be working late. I, I, I miss you, too. Okay, sure, I'll call you when I get home. Okay, bye-bye.
Raj: Very nice. You lie to my sister.
Howard: That's the nicest thing he does to your sister.
Raj (phone rings): Oh, guess who.
Leonard: Cover for me.
Raj: Hello, Priya. What's up? How would I know if Leonard's at work or not? Don't be suspicious. Look, if you want your relationship with Leonard to continue, you're going to have to believe whatever wild-eyed, cockamamie excuse the white devil has the nerve to offer you. Okay? Yeah, bye-bye. You owe me.
Howard: New puzzle, Ma. Same name. One N, two D's, three O's.
Howard's Mother (off): Whoopi and Rube Goldberg!
Sheldon: That's uncanny.
Howard: I know. It's her superpower. Well, that and jiggling her arm fat.
Scene: Leonard's car.
Leonard: I can't believe we're going all the way to San Diego to confront this guy.
Howard: Yeah, we're kind of bad-asses, aren't we?
Leonard: Totally.
Raj: Hey, how about we stay the night and hit Legoland in the morning?
Sheldon: Sea World is better. It has Shamu, who is literally tons of fun. But for the moment, let's stay focused on Todd Zarnecki.
Raj: Yeah, we're coming for you, Todd Zarnecki. And for the record, Legoland is more interactive.
Sheldon: I almost feel sorry for the poor fool, sitting in his split-level suburban ranch, unaware that a vengeful horde is barrelling down the San Diego Freeway at 71 miles an hour. Ease up there, lead foot. You trying to get us killed?
Raj: I took the liberty of burning us a mix of heroic questing music.
Sheldon: This says Beyonce Bootylicious Dance Mix.
Raj: It's a re-writable CD. Just put it in.
Howard: Beyonce? Really?
Raj: She's curvy and she owns it. I like that. Leonard (as Ride of the Valkyries begins): Oh, yeah, I'm feeling it.
Sheldon: We are winged fury! Which is still no excuse for going over the posted speed limit.
Scene: Stuck in a traffic tailback.
Howard: Next time we go to kick someone's ass, we take the train.
Sheldon: I always prefer the train.
Scene: Outside Todd Zarnecki's house.
Leonard: Sheldon, let's go.
Sheldon: Coming.
Howard: Why did you bring that?
Sheldon: No weapon strikes more fear into a man's heart than a Klingon bat'leth.
Leonard: Okay, let's get clear on something. We're just going to tell this guy to transfer all of your stuff back into your account and then be on our way. No one's bat'lething anybody.
Sheldon: So my blade shall not taste blood tonight?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, now I just feel silly holding it.
Leonard: Come on.
Sheldon: Can I at least kick down the door?
Leonard: You're welcome to try, but the other day, it took you 15 minutes to get into a FedEx box. (Rings bell)
Voice Inside: Who is it?
Sheldon: Your doom!
Raj: Don't say your doom. Who opens the door for their doom?
Sheldon: Good point. Basket of puppies.
Huge man (opening door): What?
Leonard: Uh, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Are you Todd Zarnecki?
Todd: Yeah. Who are you?
Sheldon: I am Sheldor of Azeroth. I want my things back.
Todd: I don't think so. Let me see that.
Sheldon: Careful. That's a collectible.
Todd: I know. I've always wanted one. (Closes door)
Sheldon: Well, he's even more cunning than we thought.
Scene: Leonard's car.
Sheldon: You know, the joke's on him. Without the certificate of authenticity, that bat'leth is worthless.
Howard: Yeah, he walked right into our trap.
Raj: Legoland seems like a hollow dream now.
Leonard: Oh-oh.
Raj: What's the matter?
Leonard: Something's wrong, I'm not getting any gas. Anybody know anything about internal combustion engines?
Sheldon: Of course.
Raj: Very basic.
Howard: 19th-century technology.
Leonard: Does anybody know how to fix an internal combustion engine?
Sheldon: No.
Howard: No, not a clue.
Leonard: Well, we'd better call somebody to come pick us up.
Sheldon: It'd be swell if they had a train.
Scene: Penny's car.
Sheldon: Thank you, Penny.
Penny: No problem. So, Leonard, I think it's interesting you didn't call your girlfriend to come get you.
Leonard: Uh, I kind of told her I was working.
Penny: So you lied to her. Also interesting.
Leonard: Yeah, she doesn't really understand the whole Warcraft adventure-role-playing thing.
Penny: Well, doesn't matter if she gets it, as long as she's pretty.
Howard: This one's funny, Leonard. How come you couldn't make it work with her?
Penny: So did you at least get Sheldon's fake stuff back?
Sheldon: No. We failed in our noble quest.
Penny: How come?
Sheldon: Todd Zarnecki was mean.
Penny: All right. Hang on.
Leonard: What are you doing?
Penny: I'm gonna show you how we finish a quest in Nebraska. Oh. Beyonce. (Ride of the Valkyries) This ain't no Beyonce.
Scene: Todd Zarnecki's house. Todd answers the door.
Todd: Now what?
Penny: Give my friend his stuff back.
Todd: I don't know what you're talking about.
Penny: Well, then, good news. Today's the day a girl's finally going to touch you in your little special place. (Kicks him in the groin) Now give him his stuff back.
Todd: Okay.
Sheldon: We did it! I said, we.
Scene: The lobby.
Priya: Oh, hold the door.
Penny: Oh, hi.
Priya: Hi.
Penny: Going to see Leonard?
Priya: Yes. How have you been?
Penny: Fine. You?
Priya: Very well, thank you.
(They ascend all three flights of stairs in silence.)
Penny: Alright, well great seeing you.
Priya: Yeah, you too.
Penny: Amy's right. I do want to fling my poop at her. | Plan: A: Sheldon; Q: Whose World of Warcraft account was hacked? A: Penny; Q: Who did Leonard call to get them home when their car broke down? A: Priya; Q: Who does Amy, Bernadette and Penny criticize? A: Amy's comments; Q: What does Penny take lightly at first? A: the apartment lobby; Q: Where did Penny meet Priya? A: Howard; Q: Who managed to trace the hacker? A: Todd Zarnecki; Q: Who is the hacker? A: The guys; Q: Who drives to Carlsbad to get back Sheldon's WoW stuff? A: Carlsbad; Q: Where did the guys drive to get back Sheldon's WoW stuff? A: the bat'leth; Q: What did Sheldon intend to intimidate Todd with? A: their story; Q: What did Penny hear that made her realize Leonard didn't want to see Priya that night? A: Todd's house; Q: Where does Penny take the guys after their car breaks down? A: a groin attack; Q: What does Penny deliver to Todd to get him to return Sheldon's stuff? Summary: Sheldon's World of Warcraft account has been hacked and all of his WoW stuff have been stolen. He enlists the help of the other guys in finding the hacker. Meanwhile, Amy, Bernadette and Penny criticise Priya and her arrogant, dominating behavior. Penny takes Amy's comments lightly, but after an encounter with Priya in the apartment lobby, she agrees with Amy. Howard manages to trace the hacker and reveals that his name is Todd Zarnecki. The guys then drive to Carlsbad to get back Sheldon's WoW stuff. Todd refuses to return Sheldon's stuff, and snatches the bat'leth that Sheldon had intended to intimidate him with. Defeated, the guys decide to return home, but their car breaks down midway, prompting Leonard to call Penny to fetch them. When Penny hears their story, she not only realises that Leonard did not want to see Priya that night, but also drives them back to Todd's house where she delivers a groin attack and forces him to return Sheldon's stuff. |
DUE TO ADULT CONTENT VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS RESIDENTIAL (STOCK) - DAY]
FLASH TO WHITE:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS RESIDENTIAL HOME -- DAY]
(Camera focuses on a red, white & black "For Sale" sign for: "AUGIE HEITZ Realtor
Another fine home brought to you by Augie Heitz")
(A man, PETER BERGLUND, and a woman, JANINE WOOD, walk up the property walkway.)
Janine Wood: Wow, I love it already. I can't believe you're doing this.
(They stop at the front door. PETER BERGLUND goes to the lockbox and starts to open it.)
Janine Wood: Is that the lockbox?
Peter Berglund: Realtor gave me the combination. He's doing a walk-through in Seven Hills.
(JANINE WOOD smiles. PETER BERGLUND gets the lock box open and removes the lock. He looks back at JANINE WOOD and smiles.)
Peter Berglund: Owners are out.
(He opens the door and they walk in.)
[INT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE - FOYER - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
Janine Wood: Wow.
(JANINE WOOD looks out at the plush living room in front of her. She's thoroughly impressed.)
Peter Berglund: Wait till you see the master.
(PETER BERGLUND starts to climb the stairs. JANINE WOOD turns around and playfully runs up the stairs after him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE -- BEDROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(PETER BERGLUND and JANINE WOOD enter the bedroom.)
Janine Wood: Oh, my god. This is gorgeous. Wow. Amazing.
(She sits down on the bed. PETER BERGLUND follows her in the bedroom and also sits down on the bed. He turns to look at her. She catches the look.)
Janine Wood: What?
Peter Berglund: Want to snoop around?
(JANINE WOOD smiles at the thought.)
(Cut to PETER BERGLUND opening a dresser drawer.)
(Cut to JANINE WOOD trying on a scarf in the walk-in closet.)
(Cut to PETER BERGLUND picking something out of the dresser drawer and looking at it.)
(Cut to JANINE WOOD looking around and taking the scarf off.)
(Cut back to PETER BERGLUND.)
(Cut to JANINE WOOD trying on a brown hat.)
(Cut to PETER BERGLUND in the walk-in-closer.)
(Cut to JANINE WOOD trying on a black hat.)
(Cut to PETER BERGLUND trying on a jacket.)
(Cut to JANINE WOOD coming out of the closet. She's laughing.)
Peter Berglund: Hey.
(PETER BERGLUND straightens the jacket he's wearing. He turns to JANINE WOOD.)
Peter Berglund: What do you think?
Janine Wood: I don't know, yeah.
Peter Berglund: It's nice?
Janine Wood: Looks good.
(PETER BERGLUND starts to kiss her. She knows what he has in mind and pushes him away.)
Janine Wood: Cut it out. No, Seriously, I think I hear a car.
Peter Berglund: Will you relax?
Janine Wood: No, really.
Peter Berglund: You're paranoid.
(PETER BERGLUND resumes kissing her. He keeps on kissing her and backs her up toward the bed. She laughs as he pushes her onto the bed.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNSTAIRS FOYER - DAY]
(JANINE WOOD walks out of the bedroom and into the hallway leading to the stairs. She's buttoning her blouse. While she walks down the stairs, PETER BERGLUND is following her. He's adjusting his pants.)
Janine Wood: (laughing) Ooh, my god. I could get used to this place.
(JANINE WOOD half-walks, half runs down the stairs in a playful manner. She's carrying her shoes as she goes.)
Peter Berglund: I bet you could.
Janine Wood: I could. You're an animal.
Peter Berglund: The backyard is the best part of the house.
Janine Wood: Really? Is there a jacuzzi?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. BACKYARD - DAY]
(The two go out into the back yard. PETER BERGLUND walks past her and stops in front of the pool. His back is to the woman as he takes in the scenery in front of him. JANINE WOOD stops under the canopy.)
Janine Wood: Oh, my god. Looks like something out of a magazine.
(Something wet drips down from above and hits JANINE WOOD on the shoulder. She touches it. She looks up.)
(Directly above her is a large patch of blood on the awning. The camera refocuses on a single drop as it falls directly toward the camera ... )
FLASH TO WHITE:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]
(From the second story top view, MONICA NEWMAN lies on the canopy awning. She's dressed in her underwear and a short robe.)
(The camera flashes several times. GRISSOM looks down on the dead body while CATHERINE continues to snap photographs of the scene below.)
(Cut to a black screen with a white-framed photograph of the dead body. Resume to present.)
(BRASS joins them against the railing. He holds out a framed photograph of the young dark-haired woman and an older man. They both are smiling at the camera.)
Brass: Cal and Monica Newman. Owners of the house. My guess, second marriage.
Catherine: 'Cause she's a babe and he's ...
Brass: He's, uhm ... got a good sense of humor.
(GRISSOM doesn't seem amused. BRASS returns GRISSOM'S look. CATHERINE, meanwhile, notices something on the floor of the balcony next to her. She picks it up. It's a shell casing. GRISSOM holds the flashlight on it while CATHERINE reads the etching on the bottom, "380 AUTO WLN".)
Catherine: .380 auto caliber.
(GRISSOM moves his light to the canopy below. Next to the dead body's right hand is a hand gun. He moves the light to the woman's head where the bullet wound is.)
Grissom: Gunshot, right temple. Women don't shoot themselves in the head, do they, Catherine?
Catherine: Well, gunshots do a number of your face, so typically, women prefer pills.
Brass: So what are we calling this, murder, suicide, what?
Grissom: Is the husband around?
(GRISSOM looks at BRASS.)
Brass: No.
Catherine: Well, you do the math: Dead female spouse plus missing husband ... equals murder.
HARD CUT TO: END OF TEASER. ROLL TITLE CREDITS.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]
(NICK cuts the canopy around MONICA NEWMAN.)
Nick: Okay, Warrick, hit it.
(WARRICK starts the crane support under the awning to remove the body and the canopy area that NICK cut.)
Nick: White female, multiple bruising ... bullet hole to the temple doesn't help. .380 auto on the side.
Warrick: Yeah, somebody man-handled her pretty good before they killed her.
Nick: Hmm ..
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM notices the cigarette butts in the flower pot. He looks up at the second story open window directly above it and notices the torn screen. GRISSOM picks up one of the used cigarette butts. BRASS approaches GRISSOM and notices what GRISSOM is doing.)
Brass: Reminds me of my daughter. She used throw butts out the window, too.
Grissom: The Newmans have kids?
(GRISSOM starts to collect the cigarette butts in the flower bed. He puts them in a bindle.)
Brass: A kid. Son, 15, Max Newman. He's M.I.A. like the father. The secretary said he went out for lunch and never came back. I checked the garage -- three cars. None of the hoods are hot.
(GRISSOM tucks the bindle in his pocket and continues to look around.)
Grissom: We're missing something.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE -- FOYER DOORWAY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(A man is talking to an officer.)
Augie Heitz: Grissom. A Mr. Grissom. Where would I find Mr. Grissom?
(The officer points to GRISSOM who is standing behind the man.)
Augie Heitz: Great, great. Thank you very much.
(AUGIE HEITZ turns around and walks toward GRISSOM and BRASS.)
Augie Heitz: Mr. Grissom? Hi, I'm Augie Heitz. This is my listing. Someone died, I know. It's a terrible thing. But you got people knocking down awnings stomping through the flower beds. How am I supposed to sell this house?
Grissom: You're not. It's a crime scene.
Brass: Mr. Heitz, you're Mr. Newman's realtor. Have you seen your client lately?
Augie Heitz: What, you kidding? I mean, this is actually the beauty of the service I provide. My clients never have to see me. They don't even have to be home when I show their house.
Brass: You always give out the combination to your lockboxes? It's illegal.
Augie Heitz: It's a hot market. Um ... you know, I had a fish on the line. Potential bidding war. Look ... (he clears his throat) I only give out the combination to people that I really trust.
(BRASS nods his head as this makes perfect sense to him. He looks over at GRISSOM who doesn't say anything.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE is interviewing PETER BERGLUND and the WOMAN from the teaser. She's holding a bagged laptop in her arms.)
Catherine: All right, look, I read rooms for a living. That closet was tossed. The carpet lit up. So I'm going to ask you again. What were you doing in there besides copulating?
Peter Berglund: It was my idea.
Catherine: Right. Well, we found this laptop on the vanity still on. You didn't play with it, too, did you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - POOL AREA - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM shines his flashlight on the ground in front of him as he makes his way to the pool area. NICK is already at the edge of the pool. He's kneeling in front of something on the ground. It looks like something reddish mixed with something else.)
Nick: Hey, Warrick.
(WARRICK walks over to where NICK is. He also crouches down to look at what has NICK'S attention.)
Warrick: Yeah.
Nick: Check this out.
(NICK points to the watery-looking liquid substance on the pool side.)
Nick: It's a little thin for blood, isn't it?
Warrick: Yeah.
(NICK watches as WARRICK sticks his finger into the red substance.)
Nick: What do you ...?
(WARRICK then tastes it.)
Warrick: Tastes like sugar.
Grissom: Erythrosine.
(GRISSOM stands a distance behind the two men. He has his flashlight pointed up at a hummingbird feeder hanging near the light. It has red liquid in it.)
Grissom: Red dye number three.
Nick: Hummingbirds do love the color red.
Warrick: You've been watching way too much Discovery Channel. (to GRISSOM about NICK) This guy needs a girl.
(Both WARRICK and NICK stand up.)
Warrick: I'm going to check out the cabana.
(WARRICK leaves. NICK continues to look at the pool side.)
Nick: No visible footprints.
Grissom: Doesn't mean someone wasn't out here. Grab the ALS.
Nick: Yeah.
(At this time, SARA arrives and walks to the pool making her way to GRISSOM. She's carrying her CSI kit. She passes NICK who is on his way to get the ALS.)
Sara: Hey. NICK: Sara. (SARA stops in front of GRISSOM who is still kneeling by the poolside.)
Sara: (to GRISSOM) I am so sorry.
(GRISSOM looks at his watch.)
Grissom: I paged you two hours ago. SARA: Right. Uh, it's my day off. I was up in Pahrump at some vineyard. You told me to get a life, remember?
(SARA smiles at GRISSOM.. GRISSOM doesn't return the smile.)
Grissom: Did I?
(SARA'S smiles slowly fades. GRISSOM doesn't say anything for a moment. He pulls out his orange-tinted goggles from his kit.)
Grissom: I'm sorry, but I needed you. Dispatch called in a 419 at Tuscadero High School. You're on your own.
(At any other time, SARA would jump at the chance. Under these circumstances however, this doesn't please SARA the least.)
Sara: On my own?
(GRISSOM looks back up at SARA. Their eyes meet.)
Grissom: Solo.
(GRISSOM puts on his goggles intending to go back to work and effectively dismissing her. SARA stands there a moment looking at GRISSOM. She is not pleased by what she just heard.)
Sara: See you around.
(SARA turns and leaves. On her way out, she passes NICK who has since returned with the ALS. He watches her with envy at getting a prime assignment.)
Nick: (to SARA) Solo?
(SARA shrugs and doesn't say anything. Her back is the only thing we see as she walks out. NICK, in the meantime, can't believe that SARA just walked in and out with the solo assignment.)
Nick: (to GRISSOM) So does this mean when I come in on my day off I get to work solo?
(NICK puts his goggles on. GRISSOM points to the equipment at NICK'S feet.)
Grissom: Process.
(NICK turns on the ALS and starts to examine the poolside. He sees the footprints immediately.)
Nick: Whoa. I got what looks like two sets of prints. Ballpark in a size ten from the house. And what looks like a ... size 12, possibly from the pool.
(NICK puts the portable machine down when he reaches GRISSOM. He kneels down low.)
Nick: There were definitely two guys here, Griss.
Grissom: Now we just need to figure out if one of them was Mr. Newman.
(WARRICK enters.)
Warrick: Hey, fellas. Looks like the husband pulled a Clark Kent and left all his clothes behind. Couldn't have gone far. I got his wallet, credit card and keys.
(WARRICK shows them the set of car keys he's holding in his hand. The camera holds close on GRISSOM. Both he and NICK stand up.)
Warrick: You hear that? What is that?
(As NICK and WARRICK speak, we're made aware of the sounds of water shloshing and of a generator that sounds stuck. GRISSOM looks from WARRICK to NICK as he tries to follow their conversation.)
Nick: (o.s.) Oh, yeah, it's the pool. It's been doing it all night.
Warrick: Sounds like it's clogged.
(At the mention of the pool, GRISSOM'S eyes look toward it.)
Grissom: Did someone check this pool?
Nick: First officer said it was clear.
(GRISSOM looks at NICK. He points back to the pool.)
Grissom: Does that pool look clear to you?
(NICK looks at the pool. The water looks a bit cloudy to the casual observer.)
Nick: Uh ... no.
(GRISSOM looks at NICK. He then turns to look at WARRICK. He points to the pool.)
Grissom: One of you guys is going in.
(GRISSOM leaves the two men to figure out who of the two it will be.)
(NICK looks over at WARRICK and points. WARRICK stands across the pool staring at NICK. He's still holding the camera. WARRICK shakes his head and points back at NICK.)
(NICK takes a deep breath and holds out his fist. They're going to decide who goes in by a brief round of rock, paper, and scissors. WARRICK understands this perfectly. He, too, also holds out his fist as they quickly decide who is going to jump into the pool.)
(WARRICK shows rock; NICK shows scissors. WARRICK nods and points back at NICK.)
(NICK nods.)
Nick: (to GRISSOM) I'll go in the pool.
(Standing at the edge of the pool, NICK takes his shirt off, tosses it to the side and slowly lowers himself into the pool.)
(NICK takes a deep breath and goes under the water. He makes his way across the pool. The water is cloudy and he's not able to se across to the other side. He barely can see directly in front of him. He dives in deeper toward the bottom. He pushes his way across the pools length when he swims smack into CAL NEWMAN, dead in the water.)
(NICK backs away and heads up for the surface.)
(He breaks the surface and sees GRISSOM and WARRICK standing at the pool's edge.)
Nick: Oh, man! Male D.B.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. TUSCADERO HIGH SCHOOL - FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT]
(SARA and DET. LOCKWOOD make their way down from the seats and onto the field.)
Lockwood: You have dinner yet? SARA: Yeah. Why? LOCKWOOD: You might be seeing it again. (Across the field near the end zone, the body of a woman is on the ground. There are police cars at the end of the field. DAVID PHILLIPS stands over the body.)
Lockwood: Mandy Kirk. Seventeen.
Sara: Seventeen.
Lockwood: Senior. Janitor found her.
Sara: Hi, David.
David Phillips: Hey.
(SARA puts her kit down. She pulls out some latex gloves and puts them on.)
Sara: Eviscerated.
Lockwood: Maybe a wild animal? They picked up a mountain lion last week in Henderson.
David Phillips: Suburbs are encroaching on the hinterlands. We'll know more after the autopsy.
Sara: It's a cheerleader.
(SARA takes out a tweezer and pulls a piece of ribbon out from the wounds in the cheerleader's abdomen. She holds it up.)
Sara: She had to have good lungs. How come nobody heard her scream?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(DAVID PHILLIPS and SARA stand around the body.)
David Phillips: Didn't have to do much of a "Y." Attack did it for me.
Sara: Died of exsanguination.
David Phillips: Bled out. Trauma to her internal organs. Spleen, liver, heart they all sustained multiple mastications.
Sara: Hmm. You able to isolate the species?
David Phillip: From the tooth mark on her left ninth rib.
(DAVID points to the area over the body. Quick CGI top view POV of the body. The camera speeds up and moves down and inward past the skin and to the rib where we can see teeth marks. Flash to white. End of CGI POV.)
(SARA leans in closer for a better look.)
Sara: Dog maybe? Teeth marks are too small for a mountain cat.
David Phillips: They're human.
(SARA looks up at DAVID.)
Sara: You're lying.
(DAVID looks at SARA. He points to the deceased's wounds.)
David Phillips: You can see the bridgework on this impression of a premolar and an adjoining molar.
Sara: Can you tell how old the attacker is?
David Phillips: Well, I can't give you the exact age but wisdom teeth erupt between 15 and 30. And there's no evidence of a wisdom molar on this impression.
Sara: Thanks.
(SARA hands the file back to DAVID and turns to leave. She stops at the door.)
David Phillips: Oh, one more thing. I found an infection in the mucus overlying the large intestine. This girl suffered from the e-coli bacteria.
Sara: E-coli? Unsanitary conditions?
David Phillips: Or a bad burger.
Sara: So whoever did this to her also has e-coli.
David Phillips: Oh, yeah. Spiked temp, vomiting, lower GI problems, the works.
Sara: Smoking gun.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. NEWMAN'S RESIDENCE -- BACK YARD POOL SIDE - NIGHT]
(NICK puts the pump tube into the pool.)
(Cut to the fire engine out front. The Fireman lifts the lever and the pool water starts to spurt from the nozzle.)
(Quick CGI POV to the camera moving fast through the nozzle from the fire engine pump in through the tube and out through the filter that NICK is closing. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
(WARRICK is also working on another filter next to NICK who seals his own filter.)
(Cut to a top view shot of the pool completely filled with water and the two men standing pool side.)
(Dissolve to same shot of the pool about halfway empty and NICK standing at the pool's edge.)
(Dissolve to same shot of the pool about a quarter filled and NICK still standing at the pool's edge.)
(Dissolve to shot of the pool empty with the dead body exposed. NICK and WARRICK detach the suction tubes from the filters.)
Nick: I mean, I don't get it. She's not even slated to work. She comes in on her day off and she gets to work solo.
Warrick: You still harping on the solo thing? You know every time you work with me you learn something.
(NICK starts to laugh.)
Nick: Is that right?
(Without looking up, WARRICK responds back.)
Warrick: Yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. NEWMAN RESIDENCE - FRONT FOYER - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE stands in the doorway barring entrance to MAX NEWMAN and JERI NEWMAN, CAL NEWMAN'S ex-wife.)
Max Newman: I live here. Why can't I go in? I want to see my father.
Jeri Newman: I'm Cal's ex-wife, Jeri Newman, and this is our son Max. We have the right to an answer.
Catherine: And we have a right to protect the crime scene.
Jeri Newman: What's going on?
Catherine: I can't tell you anything until I get all the details. I'm sorry.
Officer: (o.s.) Catherine? Can I have a moment please?
(CATHERINE leaves to talk with the OFFICER.)
Officer: We need someone to identify the body.
(CATHERINE looks toward the two people standing in the doorway.)
Catherine: Ms. Newman. Would you come with me, please?
Max Newman: What about me?
(JERI NEWMAN stops her son.)
Jeri Newman: Uh, no, honey. You stay right here.
(She steps into the house to follow CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. NEWMAN RESIDENCE - BACKYARD - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM is on the pool floor examining the dead body, collecting evidence. BRASS is standing above near the pool's edge.)
Grissom: No skin separation. Minimal gaseous buildup. This guy's been in here under 12 hours. (BRASS looks at his watch.)
Brass: According to his office, he left work at 1:00. It's about right.
(GRISSOM looks at the cover near the body. He picks it up.)
Brass: What is that, some kind of filter?
Grissom: It's an anti-vortex filter.
Brass: Hey, I'm from Jersey, we swim at the shore.
Grissom: It's designed to keep his hand out of that pipe. But it's missing a few screws.
(CATHERINE and JERI NEWMAN appear next to BRASS.)
Catherine: Ms. Newman, is this your ex-husband?
(JERI NEWMAN starts to cry.)
Jeri Newman: It's Cal.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB]
(On the large monitor, ARCHIE JOHNSON looks at photos of The Newman's residence. CATHERINE enters the lab.)
Catherine: Virtual tour. Right on, Archie. Before and after photos of the crime scene.
(ARCHIE smiles. CATHERINE takes a seat next to him.)
Archie Johnson: (Imitating Elvis Presley): Thank you, thank you very much. (normal voice) It was on the hard drive of the computer you got at the crime scene. Looks like a Peter Croft sculpture.
Catherine: You know your art. You a collector?
Archie Johnson: What? On my salary? Guggenheim's as close as I get to something like that.
Catherine: Oh, I haven't been yet.
Archie Johnson: Really? Well, if you want a tour, I know a docent.
Catherine: A docent. So, you think that's legit?
Archie Johnson: House like this, probably not a knock-off.
Catherine: You'd be surprised. The rich go cheap to stay rich, you know what I mean?
Archie Johnson: Yeah. Let me show you the "after" photos.
Catherine: Please.
Archie Johnson: Same spot.
Catherine: And, uh, what happened to the sculpture?
Archie Johnson: Good question.
Catherine: You saying somebody lifted it?
Archie Johnson: Well, they don't call them open houses for nothing.
Catherine: Put your house on the market your privacy's up for grabs, too.
Archie Johnson: The Newmans unlocked their door to anybody with internet access.
(Camera holds on CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. SCHOOL (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TUSCADERO HIGH SCHOOL - DAY]
(SARA and LOCKWOOD enter the school.)
Sara: Soccer bunnies? What are soccer bunnies?
Lockwood: Well, each cheerleader is assigned a soccer player. (They walk up the stairs.) She's his bunny. Gives him gifts the night before the big game places his wake-up call.
Sara: Sounds sexual.
Lockwood: Yeah, that's what I asked the principal but he said no. He said that, uh it's all good, clean fun. (There are kids crying in the hallway.) Gifts are inspirational videos like, uh, Rocky and wake-up calls are pep talks, nothing more.
(They pass more kids crying in the hallway.)
Sara: Yeah, well, I'm not sure the principal's up to speed on teenagers' sexual habits.
Lockwood: Yeah, well, victim Mandy was soccer bunny to a Chuck Darwell. And when I called him on his cell this morning he said that he hooked up with Mandy after every game except last night.
(They stop in front of MANDY KIRK'S locker which has been turned into a make-shift mini-shrine to the cheerleader. There's a young woman putting a photograph on large pink poster that reads: "To Mandy, the best cheerleader in heaven. Love Nicole.")
(In front of the locker there are candles, flowers, pedals, cards & ribbons.)
Lockwood: Said he hadn't seen her last night.
Sara: He in class?
Lockwood: Hospital. Got rushed there two minutes ago.
Sara: I bet I know why.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(Stretched out on the autopsy table is CAL NEWMAN.)
Robbins: No surprise here. He drowned.
Grissom: We found his right hand caught in a pool filter.
Robbins: Lack of bruising, no bleeding wounds. Indicates his circulatory system had stopped. This was postmortem.
(Quick CGI POV to CAL NEWMAN floating dead in the swimming pool. The suction of the pool filter drags his body down. Cut to a camera angle from inside the filter as CAL NEWMAN'S hand gets caught in the hole. Cut back to the bottom of the swimming pool as CAL NEWMAN'S entire arm gets pulled into the filter. Flash to white. Resume to present.)
Grissom: Any significance to the marks on his chest?
Robbins: Uh, don't know. Not a rash. Some kind of abrasion. Maybe even a friction burn. Definitely peri-mortem. X-rays reveal several broken ribs and he's got a bruise on his forehead. He could have taken a bad fall.
Grissom: Or he could have been beaten.
Robbins: Maybe.
Grissom: How about the new wife?
(GRISSOM and ROBBINS turn to the autopsy table behind them and set up next to CAL NEWMAN'S table with MONICA NEWMAN on it.)
Robbins: No physical findings for sexual assault though I did send a kit to DNA. Looks like cause of death was a single gunshot to the head. I'll know more later.
Grissom: You always tell me that.
Robbins: Yes, I do. Depth of bruising gives us a timeline. Apparent thumbprint on her neck came first the, uh, prints on her hands second. Major impression on top. It's some kind of recoil bruise on her palm.
Grissom: She didn't shoot herself.
(Quick flashback to an unknown man forcing MONICA NEWMAN to hold the gun. The gun is cocked. MONICA NEWMAN yells. The gun is forced to her temple. Sound of gunshot as we flash to white. Resume to present.)
Grissom: She had help.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB -- DAY]
(MONICA NEWMAN walks to the pool.)
Monica Newman: (on video) Of course, no house is complete without a pool. Why live in Vegas if you don't have a pool?
(MONICA NEWMAN is wearing a bathing suit and standing in her backyard of the video to showcase her house. She smiles at the camera and steps into the pool.)
Monica Newman: Mmm ... water's warm.
(The camera cuts to show ARCHIE JOHNSON and NICK both watching the video.)
Monica Newman: (o.s.) You want to come by and take a dip?
(ARCHIE, NICK and CATHERINE are reviewing the sales video. Both ARCHIE and NICK have goofy smiles on their faces. CATHERINE isn't impressed.)
Catherine: Quite the saleswoman. (They are all in the Audio/Visual Lab watching the sales video on the monitor.)
Monica Newman: Come on, take a ... (The video fast forwards to the next scene where MONICA NEWMAN is wearing a short robe and is sitting on the sofa in her bedroom.)
Monica Newman: It's got to be a fantasy of yours, huh?
Archie: Huh, double feature.
(MONICA NEWMAN stands up and starts to undo her robe.)
Monica Newman: You know you want this.
(She walks out of camera range, however she's still visible through the wall mirror. We see her back as she drops the robe.)
Nick: Blam.
Archie Johnson: You can say that again.
Nick: Blam.
Catherine: Down, boys.
(MONICA NEWMAN walks back up to the camera.)
Monica Newman: I probably should even be saying this, but, uh ... s*x is on my mind all the time.
Catherine: Hey, Archie, freeze it.
(ARCHIE hits the keyboard and the video pauses.)
Monica Newman: And, uh ...
(CATHERINE points to the screen.)
Catherine: Who's that in the background?
Nick: Hmm? Oh, that guy in the mirror. Good. Archie, help us out.
Archie Johnson: Yup, I got him.
(ARCHIE isolates a portion of the video reflected in the mirror behind MONICA NEWMAN. He enlarges the framed area and lightens it.)
Nick: Nice.
Brass: This is the realtor. I just did a background check on that guy. Half a dozen robberies in the houses he has listed. Art, antiques, stuff like that.
Catherine: Like the Peter Croft sculpture.
Brass: Exactly.
Nick: Looks like Augie was helping himself to a little bit more than the artwork.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY]
Sara: I understand, Mr. Darwell. Have your son's wisdom teeth come in yet?
Mr. Darwell: What?
Lockwood: Whoever killed Amanda Kirk ingested her organs, Mr. Darwell. Left teeth marks.
(SARA notices that CHUCK DARWELL is awake.)
Sara: Excuse me.
(SARA turns to the teenager in bed.)
Sara: Hi, uh, Chuck, I'm with the crime lab. I'm going to ask you to show me your back teeth. Give us an odontological impression.
Chuck Darwell: I didn't see Mandy last night, I swear.
Mr. Darwell: You have no legal right to question or to touch my son. I want you out of here. Now.
(Instead of responding to MR. DARWELL, DET. LOCKWOOD turns to the nurse.)
Lockwood: Is that stomach contents?
Nurse: That's right, officer.
(The nurse stands next to the bed holding a large plastic bag of brownish-colored liquid. She hands the entire bag to DET. LOCKWOOD.)
Lockwood: Anything he throws up no longer belongs to him. PD, public domain.
(DET. LOCKWOOD holds the bag out. SARA walks over to him and takes a hold of it. She turns to MR. DARWOOD.)
Sara: It's going to tell us everything we need to know.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. AUGIE HEITZ'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(AUGIE HEITZ sits in his chair behind his desk.)
Augie Heitz: Look, anyone could have lifted that Peter Croft. I thought this was about murder.
Catherine: Oh, it is. (His cell phone rings. He turns to answer it.)
Augie Heitz: Excuse me. (pause) Yeah? (pause) Hey, yeah ... Hey, can I call you back? (pause) Okay, then. Bye-bye. (He hangs up his cell.) I'm sorry, where were we? BRASS: The tape. It wasn't anybody's face on that tape, it was your face.
Augie Heitz: I recorded their house for the virtual tour. That's what I do to sell houses.
Brass: Selling house as a front for porno a little blackmail on the side.
Augie Heitz: What are you talking about? I have done nothing wrong.
Catherine: Oh, you're innocent in all this?
Augie Heitz: I admit to having lust in my heart.
Brass: Lust doesn't live in your heart.
Catherine: I'm going to need that DNA sample.
Augie Heitz: Well, my DNA is your DNA.
Catherine: Great.
Augie Heitz: Look, for what it's worth I can tell you at least one guy other than her husband that saw Monica in the buff on a weekly basis.
(CATHERINE holds out the swab and waits for AUGIE HEITZ to finish speaking.)
Catherine: Say, "ah."
(AUGIE HEITZ opens his mouth.)
Augie Heitz: Ah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. UNKNOWN RESIDENCE - DRIVEWAY - DAY]
Warrick: You must get a lot of ass on a job like this, huh?
Jack Jarvis (poolman): I'm the pool guy, it's one of the perks of the job. One minute I'm scooping leaves the next I'm staring at ...
Warrick: Yeah, I get it. The last time you were there did you happen to see anything out of the ordinary?
Jack Jarvis (poolman): What? You mean sexual?
Warrick: Maybe.
Jack Jarvis (poolman): No. But, uh ... Newman had a temper. He and his kid Max were always going at it.
(Quick flashback to JACK JARVIS working at the pool. Up on the second floor balcony, CAL NEWMAN is yelling at his son. He's waving a piece of paper in front of MAX NEWMAN'S face.)
Cal Newman: What are these, huh? Where did you get these?!
(Flash to white. Resume to present.)
Jack Jarvis (poolman): I thought the old man was going to beat his ass but ... Newman just screamed some more and took off.
Warrick: You mind if I take a look in your cab?
Jack Jarvis (poolman): Sure.
(WARRICK opens the driver's side door and looks around. On the clipboard above the dashboard, he finds a plastic ziploc baggie with three screws in it. JACK JARVIS walks to the passenger side window to watch. WARRICK picks up the clipboard and baggie and holds it up for JACK JARVIS to see.)
Warrick: Well, that's a coincidence.
(Camera close up of the three screws. Resume to present.)
Warrick: Newman's anti-vortex filter was missing three screws.
Jack Jarvis (poolman): I can explain, okay? I remove them screws from the filter so I'd have an excuse to go back.
Warrick: Oh, you mean, like, a "leave-behind"?
Jack Jarvis (poolman): Yeah, I figured the more I was around ...
Warrick: The more she'd want you.
Jack Jarvis (poolman): Oh, yeah.
(JACK JARVIS smiles.)
Warrick: Well, the lab wants more of you, too. We're going to need your fingerprints and a DNA sample.
(The smiles fades from the poolman's face.)
Jack Jarvis (poolman): Take whatever you want, I've got nothing to hide.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(NICK sorts through the contents collected from the bottom of the swimming pool. He pushes old dry leafs to the side. He finds what looks like a tooth filling. NICK picks it up and looks at it. He ponders his own filling.)
(On the table next to NICK'S, GRISSOM works on his own evidence. He's looking through the microscope in front of him.
Grissom: Anything from the pool?
Nick: Some hairs, may have found a filling.
(GRISSOM puts his glasses back on and looks up something in the open textbook next to the microscope. NICK reads off of the test results.)
Nick: Tributlyltin oxide, aluminum sulfate quaternary ammonium. Chemicals in the vic's lungs match the chemicals in the pool water.
(GRISSOM takes his glass off and looks back into the microscope.)
Grissom: Anything from his head wound?
Nick: Trace matches the side of the pool. No surprises.
(GRISSOM puts his glasses back on and double checks the information in the text book. He picks it up.)
Grissom: Mildew.
Nick: Hmm?
Grissom: Aureobasidium pullulans. One of the very few fungi that can withstand the desert temperature.
Nick: Gives us possible transfer.
(Quick flashback to the hummingbird feeder hanging by the NEWMAN'S swimming pool. Camera moves toward the feeder then points straight downward in the direction as one of the red-colored sugar water in the feeder might take if it dropped to the ground.)
Grissom: (V.O.) Exactly. And here's the basic chemistry of the transfer.
(The camera speeds up and zooms down following the single drop as it falls from the hummingbird feeder. The drop of red colored sugar water hits the ground.)
Grissom: Add sugar water spoiled from the heat, ...
(The camera shows mildew growing on a microscopic level.)
Grissom: ... mix in some human biofilm you got yourself an all-you-can-eat mildew buffet.
(A large bare human male foot steps into the wet spot on the ground. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: Cal Newman wore size tens. So assuming our killer wore the size twelve ...
Nick: He may have transferred mildew from the pool to the house.
(GREG walks into the lab.)
Greg: Normally I don't like to speak ill of the dead but, uh, Mr. Newman's sperm had company. Bad company.
(GREG hands GRISSOM the DNA test results.)
Greg: Look at D-7. Three alleles.
Grissom: Genetics only gives you one from each parent.
Greg: Which can only mean one thing -- menage d'allele.
(NICK isn't surprised by this.)
Nick: She was cheating on her husband.
Grissom: What about stutter?
(GREG hands GRISSOM another test results.)
Greg: Percentage is too high. We're looking at a minor and a major sample.
Grissom: Minor donor?
Greg: The husband.
Grissom: Major donor?
Nick: Pool man.
Greg: Nope.
(This surprises NICK. He looks up.)
Nick: The realtor?
Greg: Ibid. Major donor is still unaccounted for.
(Camera holds on GRISSOM who looks up from the test results.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS RESIDENTIAL AREA (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. NEWMAN RESIDENCE -- BEDROOM - DAY]
(NICK fiddles with the digital camera on a tripod. He's playing the sales video with MONICA NEWMAN'S bedroom segment. WARRICK stands against the wall ... he's a bit impatient.)
Warrick: How's it coming?
Nick: Good. I'm almost there. Hang on.
(NICK adjusts the camera. He's looking for the same moment that AUGIE HEITZ appears in the frame with MONICA NEWMAN.)
Warrick: Sometime this year.
(NICK finds the frame and pauses the camera.)
Nick: Okay, I think that's the angle.
(In front of the camera, WARRICK stands with his arms crossed.)
Warrick: All right, where do I stand?
Nick: Back up.
(WARRICK takes a few steps back. It's not enough.)
Nick: Keep going. Keep going.
Warrick: Big steps? Little steps?
(WARRICK backs up some more. Behind him are the bedroom closet doors.)
Nick: Big. Keep going. Keep going.
Warrick: I go any further, I'll be in the closet.
Nick: Well, go in the closet.
(WARRICK turns around and opens the closet door. Leaning against the wall is a cardboard cut out of AUGIE HEITZ.)
Warrick: Oh, you got to be kidding me.
Nick: What?
(WARRICK grabs the cardboard cut out and puts it in front so that NICK can see it too.)
Warrick: How's this?
Nick: What the hell is that?
(WARRICK scoffs. He puts the image on the side and holds out the Realtor Sign.)
Warrick: These slime will do anything to sell a house, huh?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - AUDIO/VISUAL LAB - DAY]
(Camera shows the frame with MONICA NEWMAN in the bedroom and the AUGIE HEITZ cardboard cut out in the closet.)
(In the lab with ARCHIE are CATHERINE and GRISSOM. They're reviewing the sales video.)
Archie Johnson: Sometimes, reflections beget reflections. I figured if I could get a glimpse of the Augie cutout maybe I could get a glimpse of the cameraman.
(ARCHIE hits a key and lightens the frame a few shades.)
Archie Johnson: Check out the lamp.
(ARCHIE frames and enhances a reflection of something on the lamp. He refocuses the frame. He adjusts the angle of the lampshade. By this time, the figure, though still translucent, is identifiable. CATHERINE gasps.)
(ARCHIE lightens and sharpens the figure while dulling the background.)
Catherine: Her stepson, Max. Did you get any DNA off the cigarette butts?
Grissom: Yeah, we did. So, let's get Greg to compare the reference sample and see if we found our major donor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(SARA is picking through CHUCK DARWELL'S stomach contents piece by piece. It's a gruesome job, but someone has to do it. From the doorway, a familiar voice chimes in.)
Greg: Driving someone else's porcelain bus?
Sara: Suspect's dinner from last night.
Greg: The coroner left this in your mail slot.
(GREG holds up a large manila envelope. Without looking up from her task, SARA asks.)
Sara: Can you read it for me?
(GREG takes a couple of steps into the room. He opens the envelope. SARA pulls out something green and flimsy from the flask of liquidy goo. She holds it up.)
Sara: What's this look like, Greg?
(GREG looks at what SARA'S holding. He pulls out the envelope contents.)
Greg: Uh, Caesar salad.
(GREG glances down at the test results and without missing a beat, continues.)
Greg: Oh, and Pele used an interesting dressing. PCP.
(SARA looks up at GREG.)
Sara: Angel dust. Hallucinogen.
Greg: Well, it acts like one. But PCP's such a powerful drug it's in a class all its own: Disassociative anesthetic.
Sara: Brain disassociates from the body.
Greg: Yeah, after it takes you through the paces.
Sara: How many milligrams?
Greg: Uh ... twenty. Dude's dose was off the charts. I'm surprised he's still alive.
Sara: Yeah. Too bad everybody didn't make it.
(GREG doesn't respond. SARA goes back to picking through the stomach contents. She picks up something large, flimsy and pinkish-red. She doesn't look happy with the find. She holds it up for GREG to see. GREG leans in to look at it. He, too, is horrified by what he sees.)
Sara: Tell me this is raw chicken skin.
Greg: Well, it's raw ... and it's definitely skin.
(Camera holds on SARA.)
WHITE FLASH TO:
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- NIGHT]
Jeri Newman: My son was nowhere near that pool. He was at ...
Brass: Oh, no, no, no. Red Rock Canyon. A field trip. Oh, I'm getting that.
(BRASS takes a step closer to the table. He's holding a couple of photographs in his hands.)
Brass: What I'm not getting is this.
(BRASS places one of the photos he's holding onto the table in front of JERI NEWMAN and MAX NEWMAN. It's a picture of the late MONICA NEWMAN naked. She's leaning over another naked male body - the person who took the photograph - and she's smiling. JERI NEWMAN glances down at the photo. CATHERINE watches MAX NEWMAN. He looks a little worried.)
Jeri Newman: Oh, now, this is disgusting. Look, whatever Cal wanted to do behind closed doors, that was his business. This is not for my eyes or for his eyes.
(BRASS walks around to the other side of the table and takes a seat next to CAHTERINE.)
Brass: This is not the first time, is it, Max?
(BRASS shows them the second photo he's holding. He places it on the table. MAX NEWMAN sees the photo and sighs. He's busted. JERI NEWMAN pulls the second photo closer. It's a picture of both MAX NEWMAN and MONICA NEWMAN naked. MAX is holding the camera toward the mirror. The photo catches the camera flash.)
(The photo pains JERI NEWMAN. She closes her eyes. MAX NEWMAN shakes his head.)
Max Newman: Can I plead the fifth or something?
Catherine: Max, we found two sperm donors on the sample from your stepmother. Your father's and yours.
Jeri Newman: Now I know why you were spending all that time at your father's.
(MAX NEWMAN turns his head to try to explain.)
Max Newman: Mom, look, I ...
(JERI NEWMAN reaches out and slaps MAX NEWMAN on the cheek. MAX NEWMAN'S head turns from the force of the contact. CATHERINE gasps.)
Max Newman: Mom ...
(JERI NEWMAN holds out a finger silencing her son.)
Jeri Newman: I don't want to hear a word from you.
Brass: Well, let me lay it out for you.
(Quick flashback to MAX NEWMAN swimming in the pool. MONICA NEWMAN sits on the edge of the pool in her short robe. She takes the robe off. She's not wearing anything. MAX NEWMAN sees her and swims to her. Flash to white. Resume to present.)
Brass: So you must've thought you won the lottery. And the only thing standing between you and the winning ticket was your father.
(Quick flashback to both father and son fighting on the pool side. They fall into the pool. The son grabs his father's head and slams it against the pool's edge then drags him under. The son swims up toward the surface. The father remains under. Flash to white. Resume to present.)
Catherine: What's your shoe size, Max?
Max Newman: Twelve.
(Quick flashback to a man emerging from the swimming pool, his wet feet leaving footprints behind as he walks toward the house. Flash to white. Cut to MAX NEWMAN sitting on the bed, shaking his head.)
Max Newman: This can't be happening.
Monica Newman: Yes, it's happening. Okay, this is a fling. Okay, it's not real. You're confused. You're a kid.
(MAX NEWMAN pulls out a gun and points it against MONICA NEWMAN'S forehead. He stands and advances on MONICA NEWMAN. She backs away from him.)
Max Newman: I killed my father for you.
(Sound of gunshot as we flash to white. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(JERI NEWMAN shakes her head.)
Jeri Newman: That's not possible.
Brass: How come?
Max Newman: Because I can't swim.
Jeri Newman: He's telling the truth. When Max was a child he had this terrible pool accident. He nearly drowned.
(BRASS turns to look at CATHERINE. Camera holds on CATHERINE'S surprised look.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY]
(A TECHNICIAN finishes taking a caste of CHUCK DARWELL'S teeth.)
Sara: We need that report, ASAP.
(THE TECHNICIAN stands and leaves.)
Sara: Your temperature is spiking. Of course, you didn't know Mandy had e. coli when you ... ate her, did you?
Chuck Darwell: No, no, I would never do that.
Lockwood: You would on PCP.
(Quick flashback to smoking cigarette. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: Normal brain, neurons send a message ...
(Quick CGI POV to 3-d image of a brain with a minimal amount of light and activity lighting on and off to indicate normalcy. End of CGI. Resume to present.)
Sara: ... synapses blink on and off. On PCP, synapses never stop firing like ...
(Quick CGI POV to the same 3-d image of the brain on PCP with an excessive amount of light and hyper-activity flashing on and off to indicate the brain on PCP.)
Sara: (V.O.) ... your entire brain is on constant DSL.
(Flash to white. Return to present.)
Lockwood: You and Mandy were on the soccer field. You were cranked up. SARA: Do you remember anything?
(CHUCK DARWELL remains quiet. His breathing quickens as he seems to recall something.)
(Quick flashback to Chuck Darwell eating something meaty with his two hands. His face is stained with blood. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Chuck Darwell: Yeah. But I don't remember killing her. I swear to God.
Sara: (quietly) Lieutenant Lockwood's going to arrest you. We'll assign you an advocate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE walk along the hallway.)
Grissom: So, how does a kid who can't swim drown his father?
Catherine: The kid didn't do it. Look, we found the father's blood on the underside of the pool ledge.
Grissom: : And his body at the bottom of the pool with abrasions on his chest.
(Quick flashback to CAL NEWMAN being dragged under the pool, his chest rubbing against the side of the pool wall. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: So there was a struggle in the water.
(Quick flashback to someone grabbing and hitting CAL NEWMAN'S head against the side of the pool wall underwater. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: With someone who can swim.
(Quick flashback to CAL NEWMAN floating face down inside the pool. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Right.
HARD CUT TO BLACK.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS (STOCK) -- NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(NICK sits at the laptop computer.)
Nick: (frustrated) You cannot be serious!
(Behind him, WARRICK'S in the next lab. He enters the lab NICK'S in.)
Warrick: Hey, John McEnroe, where's the game?
Nick: All the prints are accounted for by people who had a reason to be in the Newman house all the way down to the vortex cover. Warrick?
Warrick: Prints came back to the pool boy.
Nick: Yeah.
(NICK rolls his chair over to the other table.)
Nick: Yeah, so all I've got is an errant blond hair, a tooth filling and some detritus from the bottom of the pool.
Warrick: All right, now, don't get your panties in a bunch. (WARRICK thinks about it.) Uh, so we got the blond hair, the tooth filling ... that's it, huh?
Nick: Yeah. I mean, I did identify some neoprene and it was white.
(Camera close up of the piece of white neoprene in the evidence bag.)
Warrick: White neoprene.
Nick: Yeah.
Warrick: Like in a wet suit neoprene?
(WARRICK reaches out and grabs the evidence bag from NICK.)
Warrick: Was the vic a diver?
Nick: Not that I know of. The son can't even swim.
Warrick: Let's think about that. Who wears a white wet suit in a pool?
Nick: Scuba diver. Or a professional.
Warrick: A professional.
Nick: No, I mean like a hired gun professional.
Warrick: Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]
(PETER BERGLUND, the man from the teaser, is in the interrogation room. He's drinking from a glass of water.)
Grissom: Tooth hurt?
(PETER BERGLUND looks up at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: You might, uh, need your filling which we found at the bottom of the Newmans' pool.
(GRISSOM pulls out a small evidence bag with the filling. He puts it on the table.)
The information on the evidence bag reads: (Article) TOOTH FILLING 0857 (Date Found) 10-7-02 (Where This Article was Found) NEWMAN POOL DECK (Investigation Officer) N. STOKES
Brass: We also found your fingerprints and your hair.
Peter Berglund: Look, I'm sure you'll find me all over the house. I wanted to buy it. I was everywhere.
Brass: Well, you made sure you were everywhere, too, didn't you?
Peter Berglund: I wanted to thoroughly inspect the property. Caveat emptor, right?
Grissom: Or caveat venditor. Let the seller beware. Your prints came back military. Navy seal.
Peter: Ex-navy seal.
Brass: Oh, yeah, that's right. You rang the bell. You had the physical tools for the training but not the character.
Peter: And if you had anything more than a filling and a piece of neoprene we wouldn't be here.
Grissom: Berglund. That's a Scandinavian name, isn't it?
Peter Berglund: That's what my parents tell me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(SARA works on the cast of CHUCK DARWELL'S teeth matching the cast to the rib marks. It doesn't match. From the doorway, a familiar voice chimes in.)
Greg: Hey, heard you nailed soccer boy for the murder.
Sara: Not exactly. No match on the bite plate.
Greg: Well, maybe there was someone else with them.
Sara: Someone getting sicker by the minute.
(SARA stands and leaves the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- HALLWAY]
(GRISSOM walks down the hallway looking for someone in particular. He turns the corner to the locker room and finds him.)
[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM]
Grissom: Greg.
Greg: Yeah?
Grissom: I need you to take off your shoes and socks.
(GREG is sitting on the locker room bench putting on his jacket, presumably getting ready to leave.)
Greg: See, now we're getting into this whole strip forensics thing and I'm not so sure I can hang with that even if you are my boss.
(GREG reaches down and starts to comply with GRISSOM'S strange request.)
Grissom: Your mother's maiden name is Hojem, correct? Hojem is Norwegian?
Greg: Yeah. And you know, my grandfather got tossed from Norway for getting my grandmother pregnant before they got married. To this day, he still tells me "som man reder sa ligger man."
(GREG stops and looks up at GRISSOM. GRISSOM doesn't respond. GREG explains.)
Greg: "One must lie in the bed one has made."
Grissom: That's true. Right foot first, please.
(GRISSOM kneels down and pulls out a swab. GREG takes off his sock and GRISSOM swabs his right foot.)
Greg: Now, you're sure you want me to do this? Things could get loud in here.
Grissom: Left foot.
(GRISSOM swabs GREG'S left foot.)
Greg: So you want to tell me why we're doing this? GRISSOM: It's an experiment.
(GREG looks up at GRISSOM unsure whether he likes that particular response. GRISSOM pulls out a clean pair of socks and hands them to GREG.)
Grissom: Put these on. Come see me in six hours.
(GRISSOM STANDS AND leaves the room. GREG watches him leave. He looks at the socks.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. TUSCADERO HIGH SCHOOL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TUSCADERO HIGH SCHOOL - HALLWAY TO LOCKER ROOM -- DAY]
(SARA and DET. LOCKWOOD walk through the high school hallway on their way to look for their other suspect.)
Lockwood: Nicole Exmoor, 18. School nurse said she couldn't stop throwing up. Teacher found her passed out in the locker room.
Sara: She have an explanation?
Lockwood: Said that she ate something that didn't agree with her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LOCKERROOM - DAY]
Sara: Nicole, do you know what e. coli is? Your friend Mandy was infected with it. We think we know how you got it. We can test your blood for PCP ...
Nicole Exmoor: (sniffling) Chuck brought the weed, not me. This guy told him it was a really great high.
Sara: These photographs are ... of Mandy's ribs. We believe these are your teeth marks.
(SARA shows NICOLE EXMOOR the photographs of MANDY KIRK'S abdomen. She points out where the teeth impressions are on the photo. NICOLE takes one look at the photo and throws up in the trash can in front of her.)
Lockwood: Ms. Sidle can make an impression of your teeth or you can help yourself and explain what happened.
Nicole Exmoor: When Chuck and I went to the field ... we were hooking up ...
(Quick flashback to NICOLE EXMOOR and CHUCK DARWELL. They're standing close together and smiling.)
Nicole Exmoor: (V.O.) ... behind Mandy's back.
(Cut to NICOLE EXMOORE inhaling PCP. Cut to both NICOLE EXMOOR and CHUCK DARWELL smoking and having a grand ole' time. In the background MANDY KIRK crosses the field toward them.)
Nicole Exmoor: She showed up -- she was like, "He's my player."
(MANDY KIRK reaches them. She stops and starts yelling at them. CHUCK DARWELL pushes NICOLE EXMOOR off of him, stands and goes to MANDY.)
Mandy Kirk: What the hell are you doing?!
Chuck Darwell: Mandy!
(CHUCK DARWELL reaches MANDY. He puts his hands on her upper arms and tries to explain himself to her. NICOLE EXMOOR is still sitting on the ground. She's watching MANDY and getting angrier with every passing moment.)
Nicole Exmoor: (V.O.) I don't know what happened. I started to feel weird like my blood was surging through me.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nicole Exmoor: It didn't make any sense I think I wanted to be her.
(Quick flashback to a montage of clips of MANDY KIRK screaming and of the camera focused on NICOLE EXMOOR watching, NICOLE EXMOOR snarling. Cut to NICOLE slowing standing up and getting a pin from the soccer goal. Cut to MANDY KIRK jumping up at down like a cheerleader. Flash to white. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nicole Exmoor: It felt ... it felt like somebody else walked over and did it. Like she was split from my body.
(Quick flashback to NICOLE EXMOOR still sitting on the ground where CHUCK DARWELL left her. CHUCK DARWELL is talking with MANDY KIRK. Like an apparition, a see-through version of NICOLE EXMOOR stands up while the rest of her remains sitting. The see-through NICOLE EXMOOR picks up the pin from the soccer goal and approaches MANDY KIRK.)
(Cut back to a camera close up of NICOLE EXMOOR watching as the see-though NICOLE sneaks up on MANDY and attacks. Flash to white. Resume to present.)
Sara: It's called psychological detachment. It's a function of PCP.
(NICOLE EXMOOR has her arms wrapped around her middle. She continues to cry.)
(Quick flashback to NICOLE EXMOOR sitting over MANDY KIRK'S body. She has a wild-eyed look. Cut to CHUCK DARWELL standing behind her and running his nervous hands through his hair. Cut back to NICOLE as she continues to sit over MANDY'S body. CHUCK DARWELL moves toward her.)
(NICOLE EXMOOR bends over and takes a bite out of MANDY. NICOLE starts to eat. Cut to CHUCK DARWELL throwing up a distance away. Cut back to NICOLE EXMOOR with blood around her mouth as she continues to eat.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nicole Exmoor: It's like out of a really bad dream.
Sara: Nicole, I was at Mandy's autopsy. It was not a dream.
(NICOLE cries. SARA looks up at LOCKWOOD who takes out his handcuffs and puts them on NICOLE.)
Lockwood: I'm placing you under arrest for the murder of Amanda Kirk.
(NICOLE EXMOOR bursts into tears.)
Nicole Exmoor: What's going to happen to me?
Lockwood: That's up to the D.A.
(The Officer standing off to the side takes NICOLE away. SARA and LOCKWOOD watch.)
Sara: Hey, Cyrus, next time somebody says experimenting with drugs is harmless remind me of this.
(They start to follow.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(GREG angrily limps into GRISSOM'S office and looms over GRISSOM'S desk.)
Greg: What did you do to me?
Grissom: You had a reaction.
(GREG sits down in the chair.)
Greg: I'm Hazmat meat. Quarantine, here I come.
(GREG pulls off the socks and puts both his feet up on GRISSOM'S desk. GRISSOM examines GREG'S right foot. It's clear.)
Grissom: Your right foot, I swabbed with a placebo, regular tap water.
Greg: Yeah, well, I'm not worried about the right foot.
(GRISSOM looks over at GREG'S left foot which is covered in a red rash.)
Grissom: Left foot ... eumycotic dermatitis.
(GREG stares at GRISSOM. He doesn't like the sound of that.)
Greg: Oh, great. It's probably fatal.
Grissom: It's a mildew-induced skin rash.
(GREG stares at GRISSOM, aghast. He can't believe what he just heard.)
Greg: You infected me with mildew?
(GRISSOM doesn't move for a moment. He reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a small tube. He holds it up and tosses it to GREG.)
Grissom: Here. Hydrocortisone. Follow the directions, clear it right up.
(GREG looks at the tube's directions, wary of anything GRISSOM may be giving him. Camera holds on GREG.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY]
(GRISSOM puts on a pair of latex gloves. He's sitting in the interrogation room with PETER BERGLUND. Behind him is an officer.)
Grissom: It's called aureobasidium pullulans.
Peter Berglund: Is that supposed to mean something to me? GRISSOM: It may.
(GRISSOM holds out a sheet of paper to PETER BERGLUND. He takes the paper and looks at it.)
Grissom: This is a warrant.
Peter Berglund: To see my feet?
Grissom: Yes, both of them. Take off your shoes and socks, please.
(PETER BERGLUND looks at GRISSOM for a moment, then reaches down and complies.)
Grissom: Aureobasidium pullulans is a mildew. We found it around the Newmans' pool. It induces rashes in people of Scandinavian descent -- and it does so in a predictable progression which provides us with a valuable timeline.
(GRISSOM kneels down and examines the man's feet.)
Grissom: You have the rash.
(PETER BERGLUND puts his hands across his eyes. He's been busted. GRISSOM takes out his measuring tape and measures the man's feet.)
Grissom: And size 12 feet.
(PETER BERGLUND doesn't say anything. GRISSOM stands up and sits down in his chair. He looks at PETER BERGLUND from across the table for a moment.)
Grissom: Let me tell you how you did this.
(Quick flashback to PETER BERGLUND in a white neoprene swimsuit slipping into the pool unnoticed. Above near the pool's edge preparing to go for a swim is CAL NEWMAN. Cut to PETER BERGLUND silently waiting under the water. CAL NEWMAN slips into the pool to swim.)
(Cut back to PETER BERGLUND under water waiting and watching for CAL NEWMAN to swim to him. Cut to CAL NEWMAN beginning his lap. From beneath him, PETER BERGLUND grabs CAL NEWMAN and drags him under the water. The two men struggle. CAL NEWMAN breaks free and manages to get a breath of air before being dragged back under the water. The men struggle. Under the water, CAL NEWMAN hits PETER BERGLUND in the mouth hard enough to knock out his tooth filling. The filling falls to the bottom of the pool.)
(Flash to white. PETER BERGLUND hitting CAL NEWMAN'S head against the pool side several times before he falls unconscious. PETER BERGLUND drags CAL NEWMAN under the pool and pushes aside the cap to the vortex filter at the bottom of the pool. The filter pulls CAL NEWMAN'S hand into it where he remains until he's found later. PETER BERGLUND exits the pool. Flash to white. Resume to GRISSOM.)
Grissom: ... and then you went upstairs.
(Quick flashback to MONICA NEWMAN peering over the second floor balcony calling to her husband.)
Monica Newman: Cal?
(From behind, PETER BERGLUND grabs MONICA NEWMAN and forces her to hold and fire the gun against her own temple. He then dumps her body over the side of the balcony railing. Flash to white. Resume to present.)
Peter Berglund: You're still going to have to convince a jury that I killed two strangers for no reason.
(GRISSOM doesn't look worried. He takes his gloves off and puts them on the table.)
Grissom: You ever been to the theater, Peter? There's a play called Six Degrees of Separation. It's about how all the people in the world are connected to each other by no more than six people. All it takes to connect you to the victims is one degree.
(Camera holds on PETER BERGLUND'S worried look.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERROGATION ROOM -- DAY]
Jeri Newman: Peter Berglund? No, I don't recall ever having met somebody by that name. (In the back of the room, CATHERINE is setting up a laptop computer with internet access.)
Catherine: Well, do you recall living in San Diego?
Jeri Newman: What does that have to do with anything?
Catherine: Oh, it just might help jog your memory. San Diego's a military town. Your sister married a guy in the navy, right?
Jeri Newman: Did you really bring me in here just for this?
Catherine: Well, we could go someplace else if you'd like.
(CATHERINE carries the laptop over to JERI NEWMAN.)
Catherine: How about your house? It's up for sale.
Jeri Newman: What's this?
Catherine: Well, you see, we didn't have enough evidence at this point to get a warrant, but you put your house on the internet. I didn't need a warrant. Gave me complete access via this virtual tour. And all with your permission.
(CATHERINE starts to navigate through JERI NEWMAN'S house on the internet. She virtually goes through the living room and focuses on the fireplace. She enhances a framed photograph on the mantle. She enlarges it. She sharpens it.)
Catherine: That's you ... that's Peter Berglund ... and that's the Pacific.
Jeri Newman: So what? I know Peter.
Catherine: Yeah. You hired him to kill your ex-husband and his new wife.
Jeri Newman: The picture doesn't prove anything.
Catherine: No, but it did give me access to Peter's financial information.
(CATHERINE pulls out a piece of paper and puts it on the table in front of JERI NEWMAN. It's the signature page of a loan application dated 09/19/02.)
Catherine: Loan application. Two signatures -- Peter Berglund and yours. You cosigned for Peter because he couldn't qualify on his own. Payment for the hit. He gets your house you get your ex-husband's money.
Catherine: The thing about murder for hire ... there's always a paper trail.
(JERI NEWMAN looks up at CATHERINE. Camera holds.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- NIGHT]
(SARA appears in the doorway. She doesn't enter the office. Inside, GRISSOM sits at his desk and is going through his paperwork. He isn't aware that she's there. For a moment, she doesn't say anything. She simply stands there and watches him. SARA calls out lightly to him.)
Sara: Good night.
(GRISSOM looks up and sees SARA standing there. She smiles a bit.)
Grissom: Good night, Sara.
(SARA smiles. She starts to leave then stops when GRISSOM calls back out to here.)
Grissom: Hey. Nice work on the high school case.
(SARA walks back to the doorway. He smiles and nods his head. Twice. Sara smiles back. If that was his apology for his earlier attitude, she'd accept it. For a moment she doesn't say anything and continues to stand in the doorway. GRISSOM returns to his paperwork. SARA considers it for a moment, then says what's been on her mind since she was assigned to this case.)
Sara: I'm ... uh ... sorry I missed your page.
(GRISSOM looks up at her, a little surprised to see her still standing there.)
Sara: It's just, um ... you tell me to get a life and then I get one, and then you expect me to be there at a moment's notice. It's ... um ... confusing.
(GRISSOM doesn't know what to say. He takes his eyes off of SARA, removes his glasses and considers his response. He's caught off guard by her honesty and takes a moment to respond. A moment too long. When he finally figures out what he's going to say, he looks up at SARA ... )
( ... and finds that she's gone.)
(The camera holds on GRISSOM sitting behind his desk, holding his glasses and staring at the empty doorway.) | Plan: A: the murder; Q: What is Grissom and Catherine investigating? A: their home; Q: What was the wealthy couple found dead outside of? A: sale; Q: What was the wealthy couple's home up for? A: Sara; Q: Who investigates the death of a cheerleader? A: a cheerleader; Q: Whose body was found on a soccer field? A: her organs; Q: What was ingested by the killer of a cheerleader? Summary: Grissom and Catherine investigate the murder of a wealthy couple who are found outside of their home, which was up for sale. Meanwhile, Sara probes the death of a cheerleader who is found eviscerated on a soccer field, her organs having been ingested by her killer. |
Scene 1: Will Figgins - Figgins's office.
Will: Figgins, you wanted to see me?
Figgins: William, we have an epidemic in high school.
W: Lice?
F: Worse, Giggle juice.
W: Sorry ... What?
F: Alcohol, William. The devil wet. Our children are shameless, and they show it by losing time in high school. And not losing time learning, Will. Losing time with known alcohol. That is why, this week we had five suspensions for being drunk in high school. At the same time, a student drunk knocks on the door Figgins:
Student: Figgins, you insured! Yeah buddy!
F: 6 suspensions.
W: I do not understand, alcohol've never been a problem in this school.
F: That's because there are new drinks that target teens, Will.Listen to just the radio. Pop music encourages drinking. Listen to any song from the pop star Ke-dollar sign-ha.
W: You mean, Ke $ ha?
F: We must do something to protect our children, William.
W: I'm totally agree. What can I do?
F: I decided to make this week, the week of alcohol awareness, to McKinley. I contacted Kitty Dukakis will be the guest who will speak at the meeting and your choir will feature a song highlighting the dangers of alcohol for teens. I can count on you, William? Will nods her head.
Scene 2: Emma, Will and Sue-staff room. Emma is eating, when Will comes to her and talk.
Will: Stop no longer be friends. Listen, I heard that you and Carl are looking for a house to live together. And I just wanted to say I'm really happy for you It is a gift on the table (a toaster).
Emma: Thank you. It's really nice.
W: There's room for two toasts.
E: You want to sit?
W: Sure.
E: So, are you like?
W: Busy. The Glee Club is preparing for the regional.
E: Uh ... I'd love to hear about the Glee Club, but I'm more interested in you.
W: I? ...
E: You see someone right now?
W: No. ....
E: No? Maybe you should.
Sue comes up behind Emma.
Sue: You know, Ella, Will should focus on his treatment, before starting a new relationship.
W: Treatment. ?
S: Alcoholics Anonymous, Will. I suggest you go for prevention in rehab, as you'll be an alcoholic. I mean c'mon. Look where you find yourself, coaching a glee club that can just beat choirs of old. You flaps on the details of your failed marriage. With the lemur who rejects your bestial sexual advances. And when you crush my Glee Club to Regional, well, the last ounce of meaning in your life will collapse and you'll wear to drink.
E: I do not understand, how is it that you became the new coach of a choir?
S: I was so inspired by my stay at the Glee Club, I went to Westvale, to offer my help. Unfortunately, the homosexual idiot that caused Aural Intensity fell down the stairs.
Flashback: Sue is in high school Westvale, and pushes down the stairs to the coach Aural intensity.
S: The doctors say he will be fine. Provided they are able to deflate the swelling in his brain.
E: Ok, sorry, I have not yet understood. How is it that the school let you lead Aural Intensity?
S: News Flash, Amelda. There is nobody who lead a glee club because it's a job that fears, creates for the losers. But there was an opening, and I am a champion. Oh, Will, here is a book written by Bill W., outlining the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I look forward you start to skip these steps, because when you arrive at the top, I will hit you down.
Scene 3: Finn, Puck, Rachel and Brad - The rehearsal room. Rachel is on piano, when Puck arrives.
Puck: What's up, my pretty, little princess Jewish-American?
Rachel: What do you want Puckerman?
P: Well, it seems that your fathers are not in town and you're all alone at home.
A: They are on the "Rosie O'Donnell cruise. Who told you that?
P: It is part of the information that guys like me know. So .... A party on Saturday night? I'll bring the beer ball.
A: Forget it.
P: Come on, just the members of the Glee Club. We lose our means, stressed by the selections and all that.
A: Regional. In addition, you just want a place to sleep and drink.
P: Yes, and there's a word for that: a party!
A: No, no. My father left me alone at home because they trusted me to act responsibly.
P: No, they've left all alone because you fear and you're boring.Salvation. Puck goes and Finn and Brad enters the room.
P: Yo.
Finn: How is our songwriter?
A: Hey, it's going wonderfully. I think I have a new tube there, that's why I wanted you to come. I wanted you listen.
F: Oh, okay. Cool.
A: Come here. Rachel gives him a hug.
F: What was that for?
A: To break the tension. It was all Finn, it's silly for us to pretend to be comfortable when we're together.
F: Yeah, totally.
A: And I know we have some unresolved feelings, but as my two new models Jerry Goffin and Carole King, I think it's important for us to put them aside and focus on our which is that of write a great song to win the Regional.
F: Well, I have no idea who these people are, but I agree, listen here.
A: It's a bit rough, but ... uh ... I think it's really special so ... Brad plays the piano and Rachel sings her song "My headband."
F: Uh ... Wait, wait. It's a song on your band?
A: Yeah, it's called "My headband." They said write a song about what you know.
F: Well, it's very interesting, but it is not emotional or ...
A: It sucks.
F: Yeah.
A: How am I supposed to write a song like Joni Mitchell or Carole King? They lived.
F: Well, if you wanna be an artist like them, you should live.
A: You're right. Even now, this is the week of alcohol awareness and we are supposed to sing songs about the dangers of drinking and I've never drank.
F: Wait, seriously? That's why I never passed second base. Where are you going?
A: Find Puckerman. My trip to the little princess natural woman begins Saturday night at home.
Scene 4: Santana, Brittany, Artie, Puck and Mercedes - The corridors of the school. Santana is on the phone.
Santana: It has to look terrible. Who will go?
Brittany: We'll find out. Brittany telephone Artie.
B: Did you hear?
Artie: Mercedes just told me.
Mercedes: Tell them I go if they are going.
A: Tell them yourself, I'm not a Pony Express. Mercedes Santana phone:
M: You go, does not it?
S: Only if there is alcohol. Because a party at Rachel Berry is not something I can do sober.
B: But this is the week of alcohol awareness.
S: Exactly, and I am aware that alcohol is much more fun. Ask Puckerman. Santana Puckerman phone.
Puck: You go to Puck.
S: Noah is Santittany and Artcedes, your friend can we have some wine?
P: No, but an identity card yes.
M: Well, if we're going all out, consider it done. The extravagant celebration of Rachel Berry is officially launched.
Scene 5: All members of the Glee Club, Kurt and Blaine - The basement of Rachel.
Rachel: Welcome. Kurt, Blaine, I did not expect to see the guys.
Finn: I'm Kurt blackmail since he saw my history. He insisted on coming.
Blaine: I'm totally out of the clock now, Rachel. I am not a Warbler, I'm just Blaine. I do not even wear my uniform.
Kurt: So this is the room of your fathers of the Oscars.
A: Yes, they had transformed an ordinary basement for our famous annual festivals of the Oscars.
B: It is a scene?
A: I like to give concerts sometimes inconvenient to our neighbors.Hey, girlfriend (Quinn) well you have fun?
Quinn: Yeah, great party.
A: Okay, uh ... Let's break the rules. Everyone, take 2 drinks tickets to keep things in hand. We drink wine cold today. This is our signature drink. In fact, this is all we have. Brittany! Remember the rules, there sits on nothing! Ok, ok everyone! Health!
Artie: Super party, Rachel. We gotta go.
Tina: Yes, reservations at the restaurant.
R: But, but has not played on celebrities. But why is everyone going?
Puck: Because this festival is concerned.
R: But I have not even drank my first sip. How am I supposed to write "Both Sides Now" if I can not even have a party.
P: Look, if you want everyone else, you gotta let me get into the trunk of your fathers alcohol. Nobody is going to drink these wines cold! I will replace them before they fall.
A: Let the party begin! All those who came to the feast of Rachel are drunk and get wild.Unless Kurt and Finn.
Kurt: You do not drink?
Finn: No, I have to drive. And you?
K: No, I always try to impress Blaine, I must not be too careless.Apparently he does not have the same concerns.
Blaine: Hey, that's so cool that you and Kurt are brothers! Brothers, whatever! Wow, you're so great.
K: You're having fun though, Blaine?
B: Yeah, best party of all time!
Rachel: Finny, dance with me. I have not done too much? I'll do anything for you, anything!
F: Ok, Rachel, as this is the first time you're drunk, you should sit down, I'll tell you something. When people are drunk, they have an archetype. Exhibit A: Santana, the girl in tears.
Santana (to Sam): You love her more than me, she's blonde, brilliant, clever and super. Admit it, just admit it! No, kiss me.
F: Lauren Zises and Quinn, the girls are angry.
Quinn: I can not believe what you did to my body, I had abs, me!
Lauren (Puck): Who said that your cup was cool? Geronimo?
F: Brittany, also known as the girl who becomes a stripper when she drunk.
A: Let it rain! This is my girlfriend, I love you baby.
F: Mercedes and Tina, happy girls. And we close the circle by returning to you, Rachel, you're the drunk in need. You glues me, you're too loving, it's not cool.
R: And that's what kind of girl that? Who wants to play in the bottle? Teens are sitting in a circle around the bottle spinning. She stops on Sam and Brittany.
Santana: Just a reminder, this mouth is mine, I have these lips. Brittany and Sam kiss.
S: Hey, darling, this is not for sale, "no me gusta."
Rachel: Come on, it's my turn! She turns the bottle, which stops on Blaine.
A: Blaine Warbler, I'll rock your world. They kiss in the sight of Kurt.
A: Your face delicious. I think I found a new duo partner! Blaine and Rachel sing "Do not you want me baby"
Scene 6: Burt, Blaine and Kurt - Kurt House.
Burt: Well, Kurt can you come help me with these eggs?
Kurt: I stay in one minute!
B: But what is a folded egg? It is the same as the scrambled eggs?What's this? Today is that you should teach me some stuff about brunch.
K: I arrive in a second. Blaine wakes up in bed with Kurt.
Blaine: Where am I?
B: Sorry, it's my fault.
Scene 7: Artie, Tina, Mercedes, Sam, Puck, Quinn, Santana, Brittany and Mike-Hall High School.
Tina: I close my locker, but it will make the sound of a gunshot.
Mercedes: I have the worst hangover since Saturday, and it's Monday.
Santana: I got sick all weekend. When my mother asked me what that noise was, I told him that I was making bird calls.
Mike: Hey, guys, I can not stop burping.
Tina: Do not say "rot".
S: I caught the lacquer and sprayed Linda Blair in the toilet.
Mike: I told my mother that I had the flu and it made me a traditional tea with panda hair.
T: We can talk about something else?
Artie: Let's talk about Bloody Mary?
Mercedes: Are you kidding me? The last thing I want is to drink.
A: It will help your hangover. That's why the Bloody Mary was made.
Scene 8: New Directions and Will-The auditorium. The ND singing "Blame it on the alcohol"
Will: Well done, guys. I mean, you're doing very well with all the singing and dancing, but there I was very impressed with your game I even thought that some of you were drunk.
Artie: We take very seriously our interpretation.
W: The problem is that this is a great song but you can not find it makes me want to drink? It is supposed to sing about the dangers of alcohol. at this meeting.
Mercedes: Well, good luck finding a song that does it.
Rachel: Mr. Schue? Above all, this jacket is too cute. You are really great. Corn second, from perhaps there are no songs about the dangers of alcohol because there is none as you have a driver to return. (To Mike): I had already said you were great?
Will: Whoa, Rachel, yes, drunk driving is dangerous. And have you ever heard of alcohol poisoning? It kills about 400 people a year.Santana, you cry?
Santana: I'm fine, fine.
Quinn: You are a hypocrite, you drink, most adults do.
W: I have a beer now and then but I never get drunk.
Puck: It is said that this is just a waste of time. We see adults drink and be merry. Each advertising during NASCAR is for beer.
W: Ok, guys, enough is enough. Tomorrow, bring your thinking caps, because we will spend all day looking for a song for the meeting.
Scene 9: Coach Beiste, Will - The teachers' lounge.
W: Am I out of touch? I mean, I used to drink a lot more when I was their age, most of the time it was to meet Terry, but I mean, who am I to tell them not to drink , I fainted many times when I was their age, and I'm finished?
Beiste: You take it too seriously. Something else bothering you?
W: Let's see, my divorce I began to really take the lead. Sue coaches our competitor to Regional, and Emma looking for a house with her husband.
B: That's it? What do you do to relieve stress?
W: In the fiscal year.
B: Well yes, me too, but it's a little too close to be productive. You have to go a bit ridiculous, man burns a few of these anxieties.
W: Any suggestions?
B: Tomorrow night, you come with me where I evacuated my stress. We will in a small Place called the "Rosalita's Roadhouse."
W: It's not a seedy bar?
B: You have not lived until you do not see a cowboy hat!
Scene 10: Rachel, Blaine and Kurt - The Rachel's room, the Lima Bean. Rachel is in her room and telephone. Meanwhile, Kurt and Blaine are the coffee.
Blaine: I did not drink as much as that, you're kidding me?
Kurt: You spent the whole night to lick the face of Rachel Berry. Ca, sir, that's what it's called hitting bottom.
B: Oh, my God, speaking of the devil. Hi, Rachel. Kurt and I were just talking about you.
Rachel: You're so cute with your blazer and your pants. So ... I have a question for you. I was wondering ...
Kurt: Is she's drunk?
B: Uh, yes ... Yes. Okay, I'll see you at this time. Ok, bye. Rachel, just invite me tonight.
K: Oh, that's great. She has a heart for you. Wait a second, why did not he did not say no? You can not expect to make.
B: Who said that I did it expect?
K: You can not be serious.
B: When we kissed ... It was good.
K: It was because you were drunk.
B: That is there any harm to come out just once?
K: Because you are gay, Blaine!
B: I thought being, but ... I have not even had a boyfriend before. It's not when it is supposed to look ... test things?
K: I can not believe what I just heard.
B: Maybe I'm bi, I know.
K: Bisexual is a term used by gay high school when they want to hold hands with a girl and feel normal for once.
B: Whoa, wait, wait. Why are you so angry?
K: Because when I look up to you, I admire the fact that you are so proud of who you are. I know what it is not able to come out. And here you are, about to return.
B: I'm sorry if this offends your feelings or your pride and I do not know what, but that will be distracting for you. It is most disturbing to me. You are 100% sure of who you are. Fantastic. Well ... But maybe we're not all so lucky.
K: Oh, yes, I was lucky, Blaine, of being persecuted at school. By a bully who threatened to kill me.
B: Why has he done that?
K: Because he did not like what I was.
B: It's more or less what you're telling me now. I am looking ... Ok?Honestly I'm just trying to discover who I am, and that among you all, I come down to that, I do not think you were like that. A later, I would have said "bye" but I would not offend you.
Scene 11: Will and coach Beiste - The Roadhouse Rosalita. Will and Shannon are at the bar drinking. Will Sahnnon and take the stage and sing "One bourbon, one scotch, one beer."
Scene 12: Kurt and Rachel-the basement of Rachel.
Rachel: It's nice to help me clean up the mess from the party.Especially when you consider the fact that you did not drink.
Kurt: Well, I was in the neighborhood.
A: 22h? Tues sure you're not there to know how was my date with Blaine?
K: Oh, it was tonight?
A: Listen, we're friends, so ... I'll be honest with you. The evening was lovely. We were dressed like the characters.
K: It's not gay at all. You guys kissed?
A: No ... Our lips have spent the evening whisper dialogs McGrow Ali. Frankly I would hope a little kiss when the appointment was completed ... but I guess the timing was not good.
K: Or the BAC.
A: Look, I know you have feelings for him and I'm sure you say I'm crazy for inviting him to come out but Blaine is really confused and if it turns out that it is not gay, well, I would have done a service.
K: And I, I give you service by telling you that Blaine is the first in a long list of confused men with whom you will come out and that will prove to be gay.
A: Well, Blaine and I have much in common.
K: A sentiment expressed by a lot of women on gays. Listen, I have no doubt that Blaine and you will share moments shopper at Burberry. And you will dispute about who makes the best Rum Tum Tugger, I can not take that away, but there is something you and Blaine will never have, it's alchemy.
A: Well, then I'll show you you're wrong. I will remove the protective mask, and kiss sobre.Et if the sparks are still there, so I'm taking you in the bakery of your choice for a pie of humility hot.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene 13: Will and Shannon - The apartment 'Will
Shannon: Wow, gently partner.
Will: I can offer you something to drink?
S: Oh no, no, no. The taxi is waiting.
W: ok. How is it that you're not drunk? We drank the exact same thing?
S: I have a good survey elbow. It's okay?
W: Yeah, yeah, I just note some homework ... and I always try to sing a song at the meeting. The kids want to sing a song Ke $ ha it gives the impression that drinking is very fun.
S: Sometimes it can be.
W: Exactly. Like tonight, it was the funniest I've long since passed. I mean, it was prudent, it has not led. There he was wrong in there?
S: Nothing. Except that we are not teenagers, Will. You know, that's how I see things, you can not just teach a lesson to your students. I mean you can not stop them from drinking. If this is what they want to do, we just need to warn of dangers and simply hope they are smart enough to make the right decision for themselves. Good going buddy, I'm going.
W: I'm not ... Okay ....
B: Be careful to hydrate you. I love you.
W: Same for me. Yeah, happy face! Will phone.
W: Hey .... Toiiiii. Sexy lady. I know it's late. And ... you're making.And I have a few drinks, but ... but there are some thing I should really tell you.
Scene 14: Will, Sue, Figgins, and Emma - the corridors.
Figgins: William! I look forward to even what we prepare for the NA meeting. I know we had some disagreements when your students have products to school but I have a good feeling this time.
Will: Why do you cry?
F: I do not shout. Are you okay?
W: Wow, your cologne smells really strong.
F: It's Black Drakkar.
W: Emma.
Emma: ooh, you really have a dirty mind.
W: When you consider all that I drank, I'm lucky to be alive.Although I would rather be dead. I'm really embarrassed.
E: Why? Apart from the fact that you'm drunk as a student fraternity, you did 30 years.
W: Please, do not tell me to do.
E: Sorry?
W: I do not even remember half of what I said.
E: I do not follow you.
W: I called you last night when I was drunk.
E: No, I have not had any messages. What did you say so embarrassing?
W: Nothing. It has been a very realistic dream.
Sue: It's time for Will, I've arranged for you to be confined 48 hours and it will not be easy. These institutions depend on the state where the fire hose is used to treat dementia, but getting to that point, it is no longer an option but a forced intervention.
W: I have no problems beverages.
S: I try to save you Will.
W: Why? Everything you ever wanted is to destroy me.
S: it is saved as a prisoner of war to make it stronger when you tortureras. Okay, Will, you had your chance to do things the easy way.
Scene 15: The Burt and Kurt Hummel's kitchen.
Kurt: The secret of this is blown white. If you put the yellow in it you do not go up and then you might as well have to make pancakes.
Burt: You think that we have prepared is ready now?
K: I hope.
B: Well look at that. And that's it.
K: You have not left him enough room to inflate.
B: Sorry, but why you're so hard on me? I would have been happy if you had learned to make toast.
K: Sorry, Dad, I know it's supposed to be a time for sharing ... but this is Blaine. He is interested in Rachel.
B: I'm lost, I thought he was gay.
K: Oh, he is. He experimented, just ....
B: It is not the only one.
K: What do you mean?
B: I wish you'd ask me before someone spends the night here.
K: Blaine was too drunk to drive, so he stayed here. It was to be responsible.
B: Wait, you drink now?
K: Finn and I do not have touched. If this is what you worry.
B: No, I'm worried that you are improper conduct in that house,
K: And if Puckerman, had been sleeping with Finn it would have been inappropriate?
B: It would have been different.
K: Because he would not have slept together?
B: No, I authorize it to Finn's a girl sleeping in her bed.
K: But it will put you uncomfortable if he did?
B: Hey, is that I was uncomfortable with the fact that you're gay?
K: So it's not the fact that I am gay, which annoys you it's just my way of acting?
B: I do not know what two guys are together. You know I saw a piece of secret Brockeback Mountain. From what I understand there's been something in the tent.
K: ok, what do you want from me?
B: I want you to apologize for your inappropriate conduct. And you to promise not to repeat.
K: Well, I'm sorry. I will not have sleepovers with someone who could be gay with your prior consent.
B: Thank you.
K: You know, maybe you should go out of your comfort zone. And educate you, so if you have questions.je could talk to my father as any heterosexual will.
Scene 16: High school students, the ND, Will, Beiste, Sue, Figgins - the gym.
Figgins: Be calm, young, I would like to welcome you.Unfortunately, Kitty Dukakis could not be there because she was disinterested but the police chief of Lima is there to show slides of road accidents. The ND is behind the scenes.
Brittany: I'm super nervous. Ke $ ha is a pop icon for several weeks, I really want to honor him.
Sam: We have not had enough snooze '.
Finn: And most of our public performances will usually end in clashes.
Rachel: Do not scare his teammates. Now, it is traditional to Broadway actors for a drink of whiskey before going on stage to calm the nerves and hide the damage from poor dental hygiene. To resume this tradition, I prepared a special cocktail showbiz with what was left in the bar of my fathers. There's a bit of brandy, vermouth, and wine, scotch, a little Kool-Aid and some crushed Oreo dories.
Santana: Oh, my God, it feels like cough syrup.
A: Yeah, there's a little too.
The ND: A Ke $ ha!
Figgins: thank you, Chief. And now, singing the hit, Tik Tok and also by rapper Ke-dollar sign-ha. The New Directions! The ND sing Tik Tok, but during the performance of Rachel Brittany vomits, followed by Santana.
Brittany: Hey, everybody, drink with caution.
Scene 17: Sue, Becky, Will, high school students, Emma - high school.
Becky: straighten up, McKinley. Coach Sylvester will contact you.
Sue: Students, colleagues, indeed, all who understand the Queen of England, we remained transfixed by the spectacle offered at the meeting by a glee club, completely out of control. My nose still stings because of the smell of vomit teens. And there is only one to blame, the fetishist vomiters adolescents: Will Schuster, director of the club. 2 days ago I received a phone call right in alcoholic media the night by a libidinous Will Schuster. Open your ears and listen to the horrible spectacle of alcoholism.
Will: hey you, sexy lady, there is something that I really have to tell you. I love the way you lunch with your little plastic gloves, and rustling sound is as comfortable in the world. Why do not you go look for fresh wine, and join me? And it would just be a crazy night, let's be crazy, we roll in the hay. I was just in the hay that night and I did the mechanical rodeo and I thought of you.
Sue: Will you come Schuster publiquement.et being humiliated on the road to recovery is the first step.
Scene 18: Will Figgins, The ND - Figgins's office / the rehearsal room '
Puck: We will be suspended.
Will: I think you will be permanently suspended.
Santana: oh, it was you who talked about your cracking on Four loko.
Figgins: William, Glee Club, I have one word for you: congratulations. These special effects at the meeting have really paid off! I had no idea that such players were hiding among us.Students of this school are terrified, today is the first of the month without any public drunkenness. And thank you, here are some frozen yogurt coupons at half price. William, I think you should see someone for your problems of s*x and love. I mentioned you to my pastor, and he is ready to meet you as soon as your convenience. They enter the rehearsal room. Brittany, I'm torn. Part of me never wants to drink alcohol because it made me sick but if we had not drunk at the meeting, it would have been a disaster.
Rachel: For my part I will not drink. Vomit that way you make it.
Will: Okay, guys, although I am happy that everything went well at the meeting. I do not see anything of the sort. Drink while you are in representation, it is anything but professional. Drink at school is stupid, and most important, the mere fact that you were drinking is illegal.
Quinn: It's the hospital that could care less about charity.
Brittany: It is very racist.
Will: I could not agree more, that's why I will not stop boire.Même a beer at the end of the day to bring down the pressure.
Santana: But if you do not drink, why live?
W: I have many things in life, apart from beer.
Mercedes: Like what?
W: I'll stop, and I hope you do too. Tina, This is not a bit unrealistic?
Will: I think so. This is why I ask you to hold until the national have passed. Think of yourself as fighters preparing for battle heavyweight. To format the promise I want you to sign it.
Puck: And if we fall from the train on the way? Will; See the top of your form. This is my mobile number.
Sam: Yes!
W: part of the plan and that if you pick up, no matter where you are or what time it is. You can call me for you take home. You were lucky that the consequences were vomiting. Nobody wants to see one of you hurt.
Santana: Calm down m. Schue, I will sign.
Rachel: I, too, alcohol does not help for my song.
Finn: But after we won the national?
W: I buy the sparkling cider.
Scene 19: Blaine, Rachel, Kurt - The Lima Bean.
Rachel: So you said he came to 15.30?
Kurt: When set as a clock for his post-rehearsal coffee.
A: I can not wait to fall on him.
K: I have a bad feeling about this. I would not be complacent but I do not want you to be injured. It is by no means a victory for me.
A: Who cares for you, buddy? I might have a new boyfriend, who I sometimes vocally to the ankle.
K: It is, as charming as usual.
A: Ok, wish me luck. Rachel moves toward Blaine. Blaine; Hey Rachel, what's up? She kisses him.
B: Wow, uh, ok, I'm gay, 100% gay. Thank you, for helping me to clarify this point Rachel. You can keep my place? I go to the bathroom.
K: It was hard, was it not?
A: Are you kidding me? It was great! I'm speechless. I just have an affair with a guy who happens to be gay. This is gold for a song! I have to go deal. | Plan: A: Principal Figgins; Q: Who tries to teach the student body about the dangers of underage drinking? A: the danger; Q: What does Principal Figgins try to teach the student body about underage drinking? A: Rachel; Q: Who throws a party? A: heavy drinking starts; Q: What happens at Rachel's party? A: a game; Q: What is spin the bottle? A: Kurt's dismay; Q: To what reaction does Blaine question his sexuality? A: Blaine; Q: Who questions Kurt's sexuality? A: Sue.; Q: Who publicly shames Will for trying to drunk-dial Emma? A: disastrous results; Q: What happens when New Directions performs at a school assembly on drinking? Summary: Principal Figgins attempts to teach the student body about the danger of underage drinking. Rachel throws a party, and after heavy drinking starts, things really heat up with a game of spin the bottle. To Kurt's dismay, Blaine questions his sexuality. Will tries to drunk-dial Emma and is publicly shamed by Sue. New Directions performs at a school assembly on drinking - with disastrous results, if not consequences. |
THE GREEN DEATH
BY: ROBERT SLOMAN
5:50pm - 6:15pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, I've just been on to the RAF. They'll be flying a low level strike with H.E. grenades in...
(He checks his watch.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: ...in just seven minutes. In ten minutes time, they'll be nothing left alive in that whole area.
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM
(Suddenly the VOICE that emits from STEVENS' monitor booms across the room in a friendly, welcoming tone.)
BOSS'S VOICE: How kind of you to drop in, Doctor! I've been looking forward to having a little chat with you.
(The DOCTOR looks for the source of the VOICE in total bafflement.)
DOCTOR: Who are you? Where are you?
BOSS'S VOICE: You disappoint me, Doctor. I should have thought you'd have guessed.
(Behind the DOCTOR is a huge circular screen on which the oscilloscope twitches against a red background.)
BOSS'S VOICE: I am the BOSS. I'm all around you.
(The DOCTOR turns and looks at the red screen.)
BOSS'S VOICE: Exactly - I am the computer!
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(SERGEANT BENTON surveys the slagheap through a pair of binoculars as CLIFF comes running up behind him.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Sergeant?
SERGEANT BENTON: Hello, Professor. Have you come up to have a look at our nasty little maggots, have you?
CLIFFORD JONES: I'm looking for Jo Grant.
SERGEANT BENTON: Oh, you've just missed her.
CLIFFORD JONES: She's in there?
(He looks towards the maggot-infested slagheap.)
SERGEANT BENTON: No, no, no, I wouldn't let her through there.
CLIFFORD JONES: Thank God for that.
SERGEANT BENTON: She's gone off to look for the Doctor, I think.
(BENTON suddenly sees something behind CLIFF'S shoulder and leaves the Professor to harangue two soldiers.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Hey you two! Don't you obey orders any more?
(Left by himself, CLIFF looks across the slagheap. He suddenly stiffens as he sees JO making her way across the area in the distance.)
SERGEANT BENTON: What's the point of me telling you to stop it if you don't carry it out?
(He follows her, unnoticed by the UNIT soldiers.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM
BOSS'S VOICE: Well, Doctor, have you nothing to say?
DOCTOR: (Derisively.) Why should I want to talk to a machine?
(He starts to wander around the room as BOSS gives out a short laugh.)
BOSS'S VOICE: Oh really, Doctor! As far as I can gather from your computer record at UNIT, the difficult thing is to stop you talking. (Laughs.) No, no, no, you won't provoke me so easily.
DOCTOR: You're still a machine.
BOSS'S VOICE: And you? And your human friends? Aren't you machines - inefficient and organic machines?
DOCTOR: No.
BOSS'S VOICE: No?
DOCTOR: (Thinks.) Then yes.
(He wanders across to the far side of the room to look at one particular bank.)
DOCTOR: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. We are more than machines.
BOSS'S VOICE: Ah! Thank you - because in that case, so am I.
DOCTOR: What are you then?
BOSS'S VOICE: I am the first Biomorphic Organisational Systems Supervisor.
DOCTOR: (Spells.) B, O, double S - the BOSS!
BOSS'S VOICE: Precisely!
DOCTOR: (Amused.) Ha!
(He wanders over to another area of the room.)
BOSS'S VOICE: Ah! My designers also found it amusing. I find it suitable.
DOCTOR: You're still nothing but a gigantic adding machine like any other computer.
BOSS'S VOICE: Oh no! No, no, no, no - I am the only computer ever to be linked to a human brain.
DOCTOR: Stevens?
BOSS'S VOICE: Yes - Stevens! And I learned from him that secret of human creativity is inefficiency.
(The DOCTOR starts to leaf through a pile of computer printouts.)
BOSS'S VOICE: The human brain is a very poor computer indeed. It makes illogical guesses which turn out to be more logical than logic itself.
DOCTOR: Yes, infuriating, isn't it?
BOSS'S VOICE: I programmed Stevens to programme me to be inefficient.
(The VOICE starts to take on a ranting tone...)
BOSS'S VOICE: I am now self-controlling, I am self-sufficient, I am the greatest being this planet has ever seen - I am the BOSS!
DOCTOR: Today Llanfairfach, tomorrow the world, eh?
BOSS'S VOICE: How well you understand me, Doctor.
DOCTOR: A machine - a megalomaniac machine...
(He throws the pile of papers into the air.)
DOCTOR: But still a machine!
BOSS'S VOICE: And as such, uniquely fitted to carry out my prime directive.
DOCTOR: And that is?
BOSS'S VOICE: Efficiency, productivity and profit for Global Chemicals, of course. Nothing and nobody can be allowed to stand in the way of that! Not even you, Doctor...
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(A maggot hisses at JO, showing its sharp little teeth. JO looks at it in horror. They have her cornered against a rockface. CLIFF catches up with her.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Hey! What the hell do you think you're up to?
JO: I'm looking for a little playmate for you!
CLIFFORD JONES: Shh! I nearly had a fit when I saw you!
JO: I've been a bit worried myself.
CLIFFORD JONES: Look, if anything had happened to you, I...
(He hugs her.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Oh, come on - let's get out of here.
(They run off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(SERGEANT BENTON gives a soldier an order whilst behind him, the BRIGADIER swigs back a mug of tea.)
SERGEANT BENTON: That'll be all, Stevens. Thank you.
(The soldier stamps his salute and walks off as the noise of a helicopter is heard and BENTON'S radio bursts into life.)
HELICOPTER SOLDIER: (OOV: Over radio.) Greyhound one? This is eagle.
SERGEANT BENTON: (To the BRIGADIER.) It's the helicopter, sir.
(The BRIGADIER comes over and takes the radio from him.)
HELICOPTER SOLDIER: (OOV: Over radio.) Do you read?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ah, thank you, Benton.
HELICOPTER SOLDIER: (OOV: Over radio.) Over.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Eagle, this is greyhound one - receiving you loud and clear, over.
HELICOPTER SOLDIER: (OOV: Over radio.) Eagle standing by, over.
(BENTON points into the air.)
SERGEANT BENTON: There she is, sir.
(A small helicopter appears over the ridge of the slagheap.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Go ahead, eagle. The area is clear, over.
(The helicopter gets nearer.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: EXT. HELICOPTER
(The soldier in the helicopter signals to the pilot.)
HELICOPTER SOLDIER: (Into radio.) Thank you greyhound. Commencing first run, over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(JO and CLIFF run round a corner of the slagheap as the noise of the helicopter gets nearer. They pause and watch as the helicopter starts to drop its bombs which result in large explosions on the ground. CLIFF points.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Over there!
(They dash towards a small man-made tunnel entrance in the face of the slagheap. Behind them, the explosions continue, seemingly consuming the maggots in balls of fire.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: EXT. HELICOPTER
(The soldier continues to drop bomb after bomb...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(and the explosions continue. JO and CLIFF get nearer to the tunnel as fire erupts over more and more of the expanse of black rock. The helicopter shoots overhead but fails to see the two trapped people below as they enter the tunnel - just as a huge explosion erupts on the spot they were stood on.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. CAVE
(The inside of the tunnel is a small man-made cave with fallen pit props being testament to its decay. CLIFF watches through the smoke as JO gets a UNIT radio out of her pocket.)
JO: (Into radio.) Hello, Brigadier, this is Jo. Greyhound one, come in please. Hello, Brigadier, this is Jo. Greyhound one, come in please.
(They fail to see that a maggot is writhing in the dark recesses of the cave behind them...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM
(The sound of the explosions reach the computer room. The DOCTOR rushes over to the lift doors to listen.)
DOCTOR: What's that?
BOSS'S VOICE: The bombing has started.
DOCTOR: Bombing? What bombing?
BOSS'S VOICE: The Air Force will soon have obliterated those creatures out there. Your Brigadier - he's in charge.
DOCTOR: Fool! What did he want to bring them in for? Doesn't he realise that bombing'll never stop those maggots?
BOSS'S VOICE: Stevens arranged it on my instructions, you see. The facts offer it as the only logical solution.
DOCTOR: Well, it won't work, I tell you.
BOSS'S VOICE: Oh, you are mistaken. I can't be wrong. I am infallible.
(This interests the DOCTOR. He looks at the red screen.)
DOCTOR: Really? Then try this one - if I were to tell you that the next thing I say will be true, but that the last thing I said was a lie, would you believe me?
(For once, BOSS starts to sound uncertain...)
BOSS'S VOICE: Er...the...matter is not relevant.
DOCTOR: Check!
BOSS'S VOICE: (Hastily.) Er, it can be worked out! Yes...erm...
DOCTOR: Go on...
BOSS'S VOICE: Erm...
DOCTOR: Mmm hmm?
BOSS'S VOICE: Your...your statements do not correlate, they are incompatible, it is not a valid query, er...d...give me time, Doctor. I shall work it out.
(Around the room, the tapes start to spin ever faster...)
BOSS'S VOICE: I shall work it out...
(...and the hum of the equipment starts to rise as BOSS grows more frantic to find the answer.)
BOSS'S VOICE: Mmm...it cannot be unsaid...but I will work it out! I shall work it out! I must!
DOCTOR: (Smiles.) Check and mate! You're nothing but a machine after all.
(Satisfied, he heads for the lift as the BOSS starts to rave...)
BOSS'S VOICE: I shall answer it, I shall answer it. I shall, I shall, I shall!
(The DOCTOR reaches the door and takes out his sonic screwdriver.)
BOSS'S VOICE: I shall answer it!
(He opens the doors and they part to reveal an impassive STEVENS and two guards.)
BOSS'S VOICE: I shall, I shall, I shall I shall answer it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(The helicopter continues its bombing of the slagheap
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. CAVE
(JO moves near the entranceway to get a better signal. The inside of the cave is now very smoky from the explosions outside.)
JO: (Into radio.) Brigadier, greyhound one, come in? Brigadier, greyhound one, come in?
(The maggot hisses and this draws CLIFF'S attention to it.)
CLIFFORD JONES: Jo, look out!
JO: (Into radio.) Greyhound...!
(The maggot shoots across the cave towards them as CLIFF pushes her out of the way.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(Outside there is a massive explosion...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. CAVE
(...the force of which throws CLIFF off his feet and across the cave. JO looks down in shock.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(The helicopter flies away from the target area.)
HELICOPTER SOLDIER: (OOV: Over radio.) This is eagle. Greyhound one? Mission accomplished.
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(The BRIGADIER, BENTON and the soldiers have been watching.)
HELICOPTER SOLDIER: (OOV: Over radio.) Over.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into radio.) Thank you, Eagle. Thank you - out.
(He hands the radio back to BENTON and lifts up his binoculars.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right, let's have a look.
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(As the flames die down, the maggots would seem to be lifeless.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(The BRIGADIER lowers his binoculars with a satisfied look on his face.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, that seems to have done the trick.
(BENTON is looking through his own binoculars.)
SERGEANT BENTON: No, I'm afraid no, sir. Look over there - to the right.
(The BRIGADIER looks again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(The maggots are shuffling through the dying flames.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
(The two despondent men lower their glasses.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Well, that means we're in trouble, doesn't it, sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM
(The DOCTOR has been sat and secured by his wrists in a small alcove next to the red circular screen. The conditioning headphones have been placed on his head and he sits with his eyes closed concentrating as STEVENS and the two guards look on. An aura of white lights circle his head like a halo.)
BOSS'S VOICE: It is no use begging for mercy, Doctor.
(The DOCTOR mutters numbers under his breath and then opens his eyes, wholly unconcerned.)
DOCTOR: (Airily.) Oh, I'm not. No, I'm merely working out a few sums to keep myself from getting bored. Now, let's see - pie - three, point, one, four, one, six...
BOSS'S VOICE: Power increasing, Doctor.
(The hum of the equipment rises. The DOCTOR, looking wholly unconcerned, continues to mutter. STEVENS starts to look concerned at the lack of progress.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. CAVE
(JO kneels next to CLIFF and gently shakes him. He doesn't move.)
JO: Cliff? Cliff, we can go now, it's stopped. Cliff?
(There is no change. JO suddenly catches sight of the radio and picks it up. It would seem to be smashed in two. JO sighs and goes to the entrance.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(She looks down in concern. Several hissing maggots are shuffling nearer. She retreats back into the cave.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. COMPUTER ROOM
(The DOCTOR is still muttering his sums. The lights round his head are growing fiercer with streaks of blue and red. BOSS starts to sound angry.)
BOSS'S VOICE: The subject is not responding to therapy!
DOCTOR: Therapy! Oh, what a pretty euphemism! You're not trying to tell me this is all for my own good?
BOSS'S VOICE: It is!
DOCTOR: And that it hurts you more than it hurts me?
BOSS'S VOICE: It does!
DOCTOR: You didn't mean it to though, did you?
BOSS'S VOICE: (Screams.) I will not...!
(BOSS tries desperately to control itself.)
BOSS'S VOICE: ...be angered...I will eradicate anger. It effects efficiency.
DOCTOR: Nonsense. Sometimes it helps, you know.
(He smiles with delight. Suddenly, the halo of lights that surround the DOCTOR'S head cease.)
BOSS'S VOICE: Stevens, take over.
(He bows to the screen and wanders over to the DOCTOR in as friendly a manner as he can muster.)
STEVENS: Doctor, believe me - we wish you no harm.
DOCTOR: Now don't worry, my dear fellah, I'm having a whale of a time!
(STEVENS wanders round the room, as if making a speech.)
STEVENS: In the end, we all want the same thing - an ordered society, with everyone happy, well fed...
DOCTOR: (Interrupts.) Global Chemicals taking all the profits...
(STEVENS turns and faces him.)
STEVENS: What's best for Global Chemicals is best for the world, is best for you.
DOCTOR: Such as a little touch of brainwashing?
STEVENS: Freedom from fear, freedom from pain...
DOCTOR: Freedom from freedom?
BOSS'S VOICE: (Furious.) Enough! Stevens - destroy him!
STEVENS: Guards!
(He gestures to the guards who rush as the secured DOCTOR.)
DOCTOR: No, wait! BOSS! BOSS...!
(The guards stop.)
DOCTOR: Now, you're being illogical. If you destroy me, you're destroying your bargaining power. After all, I'd make a good hostage, wouldn't I?
BOSS'S VOICE: Mmm...he's right. We shall not kill him now. We shall postpone that pleasure.
DOCTOR: Pleasure? Well, well, well, perhaps I was wrong about you after all? That last remark was worthy of a human being.
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(JO is watching the hissing maggots once more. With a look on her face approaching despair, she goes back into the cave.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28: INT. CAVE
(There she examines the radio once more. She has a screwdriver and starts to try to repair the device.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
29: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. ROOM
(The DOCTOR is thrown into a darkened room by the two guards. It is bare apart from the Global Chemicals logo on the wall and a set of chains that hang down from the ceiling. The guards throw the DOCTOR'S cloak in after him and then close the door. The DOCTOR starts to look round. There is a very secure grille made up of thick bars, a fire alarm and not much else. He picks up his cloak.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(The maggots shuffle nearer to the entrance.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
31: INT. CAVE
(JO, still fixing the radio, hears them. She pleads to the still unconscious Professor.)
JO: Please wake up - they're getting closer. Cliff?
(She sighs and carries on desperately trying to fix the radio.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
32: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. ROOM
(The DOCTOR, his eyes closed, rests sat against the wall of his room. He has donned his cloak. He hears the noise of the door being unlocked and jumps to his feet. His back pressed to the wall he waits. The door opens and a figure looks into the gloom. With a cry, the DOCTOR leaps forward, yanks the figure into the room and slams him against a wall. He suddenly sees who he has attacked...)
DOCTOR: Captain Yates, my dear fellow, how terribly sorry I am.
(He lets the soldier go and YATES walks forward a step...)
CAPTAIN YATES: Think nothing of it.
(...and promptly collapses on the floor.)
DOCTOR: Yates! Get up! Get up! Don't mess around there - come on!
(He pulls the coughing and gasping YATES to his feet.)
DOCTOR: Get up, there's no time for horseplay. How did you know I was here?
CAPTAIN YATES: I saw it all on one of the monitors downstairs in the Director's office.
DOCTOR: Well, we've got to get out fast. There's more going on here than I thought.
CAPTAIN YATES: You mean in the mine?
DOCTOR: I don't, I mean all over the world. Come on, we've got to tell the Brigadier.
(He leads YATES out of the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
33: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR
(They come to a junction in the corridor and look round. They set off and a wall camera turns and follows their movement. Suddenly an alarm bell starts to ring.)
DOCTOR: That'll be for us.
(YATES points to a door.)
CAPTAIN YATES: Through here.
(They go through, shutting the door after them.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
34: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. ANOTHER CORRIDOR
VOICE: (Over tannoy.) Phase four alert in central security area. Two intruders in main block.
(The two "intruders" run down a set of steps but the DOCTOR sees two armed guards further down the corridor.)
DOCTOR: Hold it - they're coming!
CAPTAIN YATES: This way!
(He points in another direction and they take it, another security camera following their every movement.)
VOICE: (Over tannoy.) Search the area and detain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
35: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. LOADING BAY
(The DOCTOR runs towards the ledge of a loading bay and jumps down into the yard. YATES is a few yards behind and a door slams down before he can reach it. The DOCTOR turns and sees YATES through the glass of the door. The CAPTAIN mouths to him "Run, Doctor, you get out" as the guards catch up with him. The DOCTOR nods and runs off. The guards lead YATES away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
36: EXT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. MAIN GATE
(The DOCTOR runs between two buildings and finds his abandoned milkfloat. He jumps into the driver's seat, starts the engine and reverses at the fastest speed possible towards the barrier. The guards can do little but watch as he crashes through the barrier, spilling bottles as he goes. He turns and drives off as the guards start to fire their rifles at the departing vehicle. The DOCTOR weaves the vehicle from one side of the road to the other in an attempt to avoid the bullets, spilling a great number of full milk bottles onto the road.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
37: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. CORRIDOR
(Inside the factory, YATES is thrown against a wall by the guards and then dragged off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
38: INT. CAVE
(JO has managed to repair the radio.)
JO: (Into radio.) Hello? Brigadier, greyhound one? Greyhound four, do you read me, over?
(She listens for the reply but there is only static.)
JO: (Into radio.) Hello? Brigadier, this is Jo. Do you read me? Hello? Hello?
(She looks desperately towards the cave entrance.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
39: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
SERGEANT BENTON: (To a soldier.) That'll be all, Betts, thank you.
(The soldier moves off and the BRIGADIER walks up. They salute each other.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: At least the creatures seem to be staying around the slagheap.
SERGEANT BENTON: Ah, I expect they want to stay near home, sir. Lie close to their breeding ground?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, we can't count on it. If they took it into their heads to move off to the country, we'd be in real trouble.
(He hears the noise of a car engine and watches as Bessie rounds comes over the edge of the hill.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ah, the Doctor.
(The car comes to a halt and the two soldiers walk up to it.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, Doctor, the bombing didn't work.
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) No, I didn't expect it to.
(BENTON'S radio suddenly comes to life with a great deal of static.)
SERGEANT BENTON: (Into radio.) Station calling greyhound one. You're very faint. Please repeat, over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
40: INT. CAVE
(JO looks delighted.)
JO: (Into radio.) Hello? Is that you, Sergeant? It's Jo. Look, I'm up on the slag heap with the Professor. He's hurt and we're surrounded by maggots. Please hurry.
[SCENE_BREAK]
41: EXT. EDGE OF THE SLAGHEAP
DOCTOR: I thought they were in the lab?
SERGEANT BENTON: Well, they came up here but I sent them both back.
DOCTOR: Well, we've got to get them out of there. Jump in, Sergeant.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, Benton, you go with the Doctor. I'll alert Wholeweal.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right, sir.
(BENTON gets into the passenger seat and the little roadster sets off. The DOCTOR turns it onto the slagheap.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
42: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(They drive past the scattered maggots.)
DOCTOR: Alright, Sergeant, call up Jo and ask if she can see us.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right. (Into radio.) Hello, Jo - do you read? Can you see us, over?
JO: (OOV: Over radio.) Yes...yes, I can see you. Keep coming straight ahead. We're in the small cave.
DOCTOR: I heard that.
(The cave indicated comes into sight.)
SERGEANT BENTON: There's the cave up there, Doctor - dead ahead.
DOCTOR: Yes, I can see it. Tell Jo to stand by.
SERGEANT BENTON: (Into radio.) Jo, stand by. Stand by, Jo. We're nearly with you - over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
43: INT. CAVE
(JO smiles with relief.)
JO: (Into radio.) Right, standing by.
[SCENE_BREAK]
44: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(Bessie comes to a halt. BENTON gets out and starts to make his way towards the entrance.)
DOCTOR: No, wait, Sergeant, wait.
(The DOCTOR pulls his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and adjusts it. He switches it on and it starts to emit a high-pitched electronic shriek. BENTON holds his ears in pain.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Steady on, Doc!
(The maggots, now at the very cave entrance, start to retreat and move towards the two men as though attracted by the sound.)
DOCTOR: Right, off you go - now.
(BENTON runs to the entrance and jumps over the maggots.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
45: INT. CAVE
SERGEANT BENTON: Jo! Are you okay?
JO: Sergeant!
(He bends down to help the still unconscious CLIFF.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Give me a hand.
JO: Right.
(They start to lift him up.)
JO: That's it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
46: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(The DOCTOR keeps emitting the signal.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
47: INT. CAVE
(BENTON now has CLIFF slung over his shoulders.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Right, come on, hurry!
(BENTON carefully negotiates himself and CLIFF through the narrow doorway.)
JO: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
48: EXT. SLAGHEAP
(They jump over the maggots, JO doing so with a small squeal. The DOCTOR keeps the screwdriver on the maggots as the party comes back.)
DOCTOR: Get him into the car, quick.
(They do so.)
DOCTOR: You alright?
SERGEANT BENTON: Okay, Doc.
(The DOCTOR switches off the screwdriver and jumps back into the driver's seat. CLIFF is slumped in the back seat with BENTON supporting him. JO is in her customary seat in the front. The DOCTOR reverses the vehicle in an arc and sets off back.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
48: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM
(A bed has been set up for CLIFF in the living room. He gasps and moans slightly. NANCY takes his temperature and turns to JO.)
NANCY: But how did it happen?
JO: The blast from the explosion, I think. You see, he was trying to save me from the maggots.
NANCY: Oh, don't worry.
(She goes and puts an arm round the upset girl.)
NANCY: I expect it's only concussion. He hasn't broken any bones or anything. He'll be alright - you'll see.
JO: Please God he is. You see, Nancy, it was all my fault...
NANCY: Oh, Jo, you mustn't...
(The DOCTOR comes into the room.)
DOCTOR: Any change, Jo?
JO: No, none.
DOCTOR: I can't understand it. He should have come to by now.
(JO goes over to the young man and strokes his hair. CLIFF'S face is covered in sweat.)
JO: Cliff? Cliff, please wake up, for my sake?
(CLIFF'S eyes open. He stares upwards.)
JO: Cliff!
CLIFFORD JONES: (Faintly.) S...Sssserendipity. Ss...ah...
(He falls unconscious again.)
JO: Cliff? Cliff!
DOCTOR: What did he say?
JO: Serendipity?
DOCTOR: Serendipity?
(JO sighs. NANCY comforts her again.)
NANCY: He'll be alright, love.
(JO suddenly gasps.)
DOCTOR: What is it?
JO: His neck!
(A green glowing patch has appeared on CLIFF'S neck.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
49: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. HALL PASSAGE
(The DOCTOR follows the BRIGADIER into the hallway.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Is there anything you can do for him?
DOCTOR: Well, I've given him a broad spectrum antibiotic. That should slow the infection down. No, we must find an answer to those maggots before they pupate. Imagine, thousands of flying insects spreading their infection throughout the world.
[SCENE_BREAK]
50: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR enters the laboratory.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (From the hallway.) I'd rather not, thank you.
(The BRIGADIER walks off and the DOCTOR leans over a lab bench, thinking furiously.)
DOCTOR: Serendipity? (Tuts.) What on earth did he mean by serendipity?
(Suddenly, and unexpectedly, CAPTAIN YATES rises up from a hiding place behind another lab bench. The DOCTOR turns in surprise and delight.)
DOCTOR: Mike! You don't know how glad I am to see you. How did you get away?
CAPTAIN YATES: They let me go.
DOCTOR: But why?
(YATES raises a small automatic.)
CAPTAIN YATES: To kill you.
(The DOCTOR stiffens. YATES holds the gun in both hands and takes a step forward to aim.)
CAPTAIN YATES: You do see that I have to kill you, don't you?
DOCTOR: Gently, Mike, fight it.
CAPTAIN YATES: It is...necessary...to kill you.
DOCTOR: (Intensely.) No, it is not necessary. Your orders are false. Do you understand me? False!
(The BRIGADIER walks into the room, not seeing YATES.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Doctor, I forgot to mention to you...
CAPTAIN YATES: (Shouts.) Stay back!
(The BRIGADIER turns and sees his CAPTAIN holding the gun.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Captain Yates, what...?
CAPTAIN YATES: (Shouts.) Stay where you are! I have my instructions!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Barks.) Instructions! Who from?
DOCTOR: Keep quiet, Brigadier, and keep still! (Quietly.) Now, Mike, listen to me. It is necessary for me to show you something.
CAPTAIN YATES: (Puzzled.) Necessary?
DOCTOR: Yes, for increased efficiency. Now, I'm going to take something from my pocket.
(Having warned YATES, the DOCTOR moves his hand into the left-hand pocket of his jacket.)
DOCTOR: Now, it won't harm you...it won't harm you.
(He extracts the blue crystal from Metebelis Three and holds it up in the air, pointing its facets at the CAPTAIN.)
DOCTOR: Watch it, Mike...watch it carefully, Mike.
(YATES' face seems to start to cloud over. He stares at the jewel which seems to have started to emit an intense blue glow.)
DOCTOR: Strange stones these Metebelis sapphires...
(To YATES, the light seems to pulse and the DOCTOR'S voice starts to echo.)
DOCTOR: Watch it...look deep into the blue light.
(YATES' face starts to crease in pain as the light and the DOCTOR'S words start to penetrate his mind.)
DOCTOR: Soon your mind will be locked onto the crystalline pattern...and the neural paths of your brain will be swept clean...and you will be free!
(The reconditioning reaches a climax and YATES drops the gun, clamping his hands to his head. He slumps to the floor and the DOCTOR lowers the crystal.)
DOCTOR: So, you see, Brigadier? My trip to Metebelis Three wasn't wasted after all.
(Receiving no reply, the DOCTOR sees that the BRIGADIER also has been thoroughly put into a trance by the jewel.)
DOCTOR: Oh, good grief! Wake up, Lethbridge Stewart!
(He taps his chin.)
DOCTOR: Wake up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
51: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. ROOM
(In the room that was previously the DOCTOR'S prison, STEVENS walks towards a suited figure. Another employee of Global Chemicals - Mr. JAMES - has been thoroughly conditioned and stares into space.)
STEVENS: Mr. James? Do you hear me, Mr. James?
JAMES: I hear you.
STEVENS: Good. How have you been programmed?
JAMES: To obey the BOSS.
STEVENS: At all times?
JAMES: At all times.
STEVENS: Good. Now then, we must go to work. There is very little time left. Here are your instructions.
[SCENE_BREAK]
52: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LABORATORY
(YATES starts to come to on the floor of the laboratory. The BRIGADIER is also out of his trance.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He's a trained soldier. He's been taught to withstand that sort of thing.
DOCTOR: Mmm, if he hadn't tried so hard, he's have come in shooting. I'd have been a dead man by now. You too probably.
(YATES suddenly gasps and starts...)
CAPTAIN YATES: Uh! Where am I?
DOCTOR: You're in the nuthutch.
CAPTAIN YATES: What...?
DOCTOR: Professor Jones' house.
(The two men bend over him as he puts a hand to his head.)
CAPTAIN YATES: That blue light...
DOCTOR: Yes, well, you'll be alright now, old chap.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, Captain Yates, you're well out of Global Chemicals.
DOCTOR: I'm afraid he's not. (To YATES.) I'm going to ask you to go back. Do you think you feel up to it?
CAPTAIN YATES: (Sighs.) Right as rain, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry to have to ask you to do this but there's some information that I simply must have. Now, here's what I want you to do...
[SCENE_BREAK]
53: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE
(STEVENS sits in his chair reading checkpoints off a clipboard as BOSS replies from the wall monitor.)
STEVENS: New York, seven, two, o, three - slave units prepared.
BOSS'S VOICE: Now reading seven, five, eight, zero.
STEVENS: Zurich - one, five, eight, four.
BOSS'S VOICE: In preparation. Slave unit assessment to follow.
STEVENS: Moscow, ten, zero, zero, three.
BOSS'S VOICE: Prepared - one, one, zero, zero, nine, eight.
(There is a knock on the door.)
STEVENS: Permission?
BOSS'S VOICE: Of course.
(STEVENS presses a button on his desk to unlock the door.)
STEVENS: Come in.
(The door opens and YATES enters. He holds the automatic and appears to be a conditioned state again.)
STEVENS: Well?
CAPTAIN YATES: The Doctor...is dead.
(His shoulders slump down. STEVENS appears satisfied and looks up to the monitor.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
54: INT. WHOLEWEAL COMMUNITY. LIVING ROOM
(CLIFF'S condition is getting worse. He gasps for breath and the green patch glows brighter. JO tends to him as the DOCTOR fills a syringe.)
JO: Shouldn't we get him to hospital?
DOCTOR: What'd be the point, Jo? You know what happened to the others. Ordinary treatment won't work.
JO: He won't die, will he?
DOCTOR: He means a lot to you, doesn't he?
JO: Yes.
DOCTOR: Well then, trust me, Jo. I'm sure these injections are doing him some good.
(The DOCTOR starts to inject CLIFF'S arm as JO tries to quieten him.)
JO: Shh, it's alright.
DOCTOR: At least it'll give us time to find the real cure.
(JO whispers quietly to CLIFF.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
55: INT. GLOBAL CHEMICALS. STEVENS' OFFICE
(YATES stands transfixed next to STEVENS' desk. The Director holds the pistol with a smile of satisfaction on his face.)
STEVENS: And the girl?
CAPTAIN YATES: No need to worry. She's too concerned about the Professor to make trouble.
STEVENS: All the same, I think it might be advisable to...dispose of her too.
CAPTAIN YATES: I don't think that would be necessary.
(STEVENS looks round at him.)
STEVENS: Don't you now? How very interesting.
(He presses the intercom button on his desk and it buzzes.)
STEVENS: Stella? Ask Mr. James to come in, will you?
(He sits back.)
CAPTAIN YATES: To dispose of the girl would not be efficient.
STEVENS: The time will come. Thank you for your most valuable advice, Mr. Yates.
(The door opens and JAMES enters.)
JAMES: You sent for me?
(STEVENS gets up and hands JAMES the automatic.)
STEVENS: Yes. Wait here with Mr. Yates.
(He walks out of the room and shuts the door. Immediately, CAPTAIN YATES turns to JAMES, smiles and puts his hands into his suit pockets. JAMES raises the gun.)
JAMES: What are you doing?
CAPTAIN YATES: Nothing.
(He raises his hands. The crystal is in the right one.)
CAPTAIN YATES: Just concentrate on the blue crystal, Mr. James.
(JAMES stares at the crystal. YATES' voice starts to echo in his mind.)
CAPTAIN YATES: As you look, you'll see it glow. Watch carefully.
(To JAMES, the jewel starts to give off its blue flare. His face creases as the light burns into his mind. The glow grows more intense until JAMES gives out a gasp and staggers backwards. YATES pockets the crystal and goes to help the little man.)
CAPTAIN YATES: Mr. James?
(He gently slaps the cheek of the uncomprehending man.)
CAPTAIN YATES: Your mind's clear now. You have to tell me what's going to happen.
JAMES: (Gasps.) Takeover...by the BOSS...at four o'clock this afternoon...the computer is going to...
(There is suddenly an electronic howl. JAMES grasps his ears and falls dead to the floor. YATES examines him but a sudden voice makes him look up.)
STEVENS: Just can't depend on anyone.
(STEVENS and two guards stand at the console.)
STEVENS: Can you, Mr. Yates? | Plan: A: help; Q: What does Yates give to the Doctor? A: Yates; Q: Who helps the Doctor escape from BOSS? A: a giant maggot; Q: What has Cliff been infected by? Summary: The Doctor manages to escape from BOSS with help from Yates and discovers Cliff has been infected by a giant maggot. |
REVENGE OF THE CYBERMEN
BY: GERRY DAVIS AND ROBERT HOLMES
Part Two
Running time: 24:24
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Sarah!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Don't let it bite you!
HARRY: That sounded like Sarah. What's happened?
DOCTOR: That cybermat's happened, Harry. Quick, into the transmat beam, quickly as you can. It's the only way to get the poison out of her system.
LESTER: She's got the plague.
DOCTOR: No, sir. That's your so-called plague, Commander.
STEVENSON: Is this thing still dangerous, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Not any more, but there are bound to be others around.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Hang on to her, Harry. You'd better travel with her.
HARRY: Where are we going?
DOCTOR: I'll set the beam for Voga. Do you know how to work the reciprocator?
HARRY: Er, yes, I've seen you do it.
DOCTOR: Off you go. No time to lose.
LESTER: Has it gone wrong, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Sabotage.
STEVENSON: Sabotage?
DOCTOR: Someone's taken the pentalium drive.
STEVENSON: But who?
DOCTOR: Who removed the tape from your radio log? Who used cybermats to murder your crew? And who's desperate to break all communication between this beacon and Voga?
[SCENE_BREAK]
STEVENSON (on monitor): You mean Kellman.
DOCTOR (on monitor): Exactly. Kellman. Your friendly exographer must be working for the Cybermen, Commander.
LESTER (on monitor): Then what are we waiting for? Let's get him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Right, this might just work if I can adapt the monoso to a three phase output.
HARRY: Doctor, she's not going to last much longer.
DOCTOR: I know, Harry, I know!
HARRY: She's reacting just like Warner. It's happening all over again.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STEVENSON: Kellman. Kellman!
[SCENE_BREAK]
MAGRIK: You sent for me?
VORUS: The Cybermen are moving.
MAGRIK: What? It's too soon.
VORUS: Our human agent reports they will soon have taken over the beacon. We have perhaps four hours to complete the Sky Striker.
MAGRIK: But that's impossible!
VORUS: Four hours, Magrik! Or all our dreams are ended.
MAGRIK: The Sky Striker is ready, but the bomb head hasn't been tested, and then it'll take four hours to fit.
VORUS: Then we must gamble, Magrik. The bomb head will be tested when it strikes the beacon.
MAGRIK: Very well. I'll send for every available engineer, Vorus. At once.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LESTER: He's skipped.
STEVENSON: In quite a hurry, by the look of it. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STEVENSON: Lester, you take that section. I'll look round the transom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: There isn't time to wire this in. I'll have to hold it in position. Ready?
[SCENE_BREAK]
HARRY: Sarah.
SARAH: Hmm? Yeah?
HARRY: It's worked, Doctor! It's worked!
SARAH: Oh, stop bawling down my ear. You've got a voice like a fog horn. Hey.
HARRY: What's the matter?
SARAH: What's going on here?
HARRY: Oh well, that's marvellous, isn't it. Here I am, trying to save your life and all you can do
SARAH: Trying to save? I remember. That thing, it jumped on my neck. Where are we?
HARRY: A place called Voga, I think. The Doctor transmatted us to get rid of the poison. I might tell you, my girl, that you were on the point of popping off. I say, look at that.
SARAH: What is it?
HARRY: It looks very much like gold. It can't be. I don't believe it. There's some more of it over here.
SARAH: Oh, Harry.
HARRY: Look. Gold.
SARAH: Don't be so silly. It can't be gold.
HARRY: Sarah, solid gold.
SARAH: Harry, stop it. Anyway, it isn't ours.
HARRY: Well, it isn't anybody's, is it, just lying scattered around here.
HARRY: I'm rich. I can buy myself out of the Navy, buy a quiet little practice in the country, solid gold stethoscope. Uh oh. That's torn it.
HARRY: All right, steady on, old chap.
SARAH: Hey!
[SCENE_BREAK]
STEVENSON: Put that gun down, Kellman.
KELLMAN: All right, Commander. Go ahead and shoot. Neither of us can miss at this range.
STEVENSON: I said, put that gun down.
KELLMAN: Oh, no.
STEVENSON: You can't get away.
KELLMAN: That's right, Commander. I'm going into my cabin. You can lock me in if you like. Just don't try to follow
STEVENSON: Well done, Lester. You walked right into it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: Let go!
HARRY: This isn't necessary, you know. You're making a fuss about nothing at all.
SARAH: Harry, tell them.
HARRY: I'm trying to tell them but they don't seem
SARAH: Please, where are you taking us? We weren't trying to steal your gold if that's what you're thinking. Well, not really.
HARRY: Of course we weren't. We were just
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Voga, otherwise known as the Planet of Gold, is hated and feared by Cybermen because gold is lethal to them.
STEVENSON: How?
DOCTOR: It's the perfect non-corrodible metal. It plates their breathing apparatus and in effect suffocates them. Doesn't it, Professor. Now Sarah and Harry are down there, and without that pentalium drive I can't bring them back.
LESTER: We found this in his cabin.
DOCTOR: Yes. Keeps in touch with his masters. What have you done with the pentalium drive, Professor?
KELLMAN: I don't know what you're talking about.
LESTER: He's lying.
DOCTOR: I think he's lying.
KELLMAN: What are you doing with that?
DOCTOR: This? Oh, nothing. Why, is it important?
KELLMAN: No.
DOCTOR: Yes, I think our friend is lying to gain time.
KELLMAN: I don't know what you mean.
DOCTOR: But time for what, I wonder?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The main screen lights up. Rad input. Log 31.08. Axis 13 13 051 Range 11 42 9 Analysis type R L antisine energy
CYBERMAN: Computer reports heavy phobic energy discharge between the beacon and Voga.
LEADER: (black headset) That means the humans have recently used their transmat beam.
CYBERMAN: Yes, Leader.
LEADER: Time to docking?
CYBERMAN: Sixteen minutes.
LEADER: Good. Order the boarding party to the forward hatch.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: The Doctor'll be worrying about us.
HARRY: I'm worrying about us. What is this place, anyway?
SARAH: I can tell you what it isn't. It isn't uninhabited.
VORUS: So, you are from the beacon. Why have you come to Voga? Was it to escape the plague?
SARAH: Yes. Yes, that's right, the plague.
VORUS: You're lying! And now tell me the truth.
SARAH: I'm not lying. I had the plague
VORUS: When the plague had done its work there were to be four humans left alive. That was the plan.
HARRY: Plan? You mean you deliberately planned to
VORUS: You were not among the four.
SARAH: We arrived after the plague, but I was bitten and the Doctor put me in the matter beam to cure me, didn't he, Harry.
HARRY: Yes, that's right. It's the truth. And I came with her because she was dying. And we really weren't trying to steal your gold.
VORUS: So how many humans are on the beacon now? If you refuse to answer, you will suffer, and then I will ask you again, and then you will answer. Do you understand?
HARRY: Yes.
VORUS: Humans are reported to have some intelligence. When Vorus, leader of the Guardians, asks you a question, it is not wise to refuse to answer.
VORUS: Take them out and put them in confinement. I'll question them later.
VORUS: Greetings, Councillor Tyram.
TYRAM (on monitor): Ah, Vorus. There are matters of importance I must discuss with you.
VORUS: Yes?
TYRAM (on monitor): Not over the vision projector. Here, in the city.
VORUS: I am not aware of anything of such importance, Councillor.
TYRAM (on monitor): I am, and as always, Vorus, I look forward to our meeting with the keenest pleasure, so I've sent our fastest skimmer to collect you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STEVENSON: As a Space Service Commander, there are certain crimes where I can order immediate execution.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STEVENSON: And you have murdered forty seven members of my crew and jeopardised our mission.
KELLMAN: You're talking rubbish, Commander.
LESTER: Shooting's too good for him.
STEVENSON: So what's it going to be, Kellman?
KELLMAN: Be?
STEVENSON: Are you going to die now, or are you going to tell us where that pentalium drive is?
KELLMAN: You're not frightening me, Commander. You won't shoot.
STEVENSON: But I have every right.
KELLMAN: You can't prove a thing.
STEVENSON: No? What about that box you had? The Doctor says it controls the cybermats.
KELLMAN: And I say its an instrument for analysing mineral elements. Every exographer carries one.
LESTER: Look.
DOCTOR: Leave it. Don't shoot, Commander.
KELLMAN: Stop it! For heaven's sake, do something!
DOCTOR: After you've been bitten, Kellman, you'll have just ten seconds to remember where that pentalium drive is, if you want to live.
KELLMAN: All right, all right! It's around my neck. Take it.
DOCTOR: Splendid.
DOCTOR: Good. Now we can get Harry and Sarah back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
HARRY: Sarah, these chains are solid gold.
SARAH: Harry, will you just shut up about your rotten gold.
HARRY: Twenty four carat, by the looks of it.
SARAH: It's because of gold that we're in this mess.
HARRY: Just thinking.
SARAH: Well, don't!
HARRY: Gold's a very soft metal, isn't it, Sarah, so if we can find a decent bit of rock we might be able to file through.
SARAH: Well, we can't just sit here glittering, can we.
[SCENE_BREAK]
VORUS: You said a matter of importance, Chief Councillor.
TYRAM: Yes. I have a report that two aliens, two humans, have been seen in the upper gold mine.
VORUS: What?
TYRAM: By ancient tradition, your guards control the gold mines and the routes to the surface. If humans have set foot on Voga, it can only have been with your connivance, Vorus.
VORUS: You have no proof of this absurd allegation.
TYRAM: Nonetheless, I believe it.
TYRAM: Whatever is happening in the gold mines, Vorus, and strange stories have reached my ears, your guards have never before resorted to murder.
VORUS: It was a matter of internal discipline.
TYRAM: I know your ambitions, Vorus. I know you see Voga as a great power again, trading its gold with other planets in the galaxy.
VORUS: Why not? Why should we remain for ever underground, cowering from the memory of something that happened centuries ago?
TYRAM: Because this way, we survive. While no one suspects that Voga is inhabited, that this is the famous Planet of Gold, we remain safe.
VORUS: Safe? You have the philosophy of a cringing mouse, Tyram.
TYRAM: And you're a gambler with a mad thirst for power. That's why I no longer trust you and the Guardians. My senior Militia are taking over control of the gold mines.
VORUS: You dare to challenge the traditional authority of the Guardians?
TYRAM: To maintain security, Vorus. The Militia are moving into the gold mines at this moment.
VORUS: We shall see!
TYRAM: Your men are outnumbered, Vorus, and the troops have orders to crush any resistance. If there is any bloodshed, remember it will be on your hands.
VORUS: I shall have you removed from office for this!
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: Ow! Careful!
HARRY: Sorry. It is flattening, though.
SARAH: So's my ankle.
HARRY: Yeah, I think you might be able to get your foot through now.
SARAH: Let's have a go, then.
HARRY: Come on, one more pull. It's coming.
SARAH: It hurts!
HARRY: Tibias, or rather fetlocks, like a carthorse.
SARAH: My ankles aren't thick!
HARRY: Come on. Pull.
SARAH: There!
HARRY: Well done. Now you can have a go at mine.
SARAH: Wait a minute. If I can break off one of those stalagmites, we might be able to use it as a lever.
[SCENE_BREAK]
VOGAN: Fire once over their heads.
VOGAN: Stay back! No one enters the guild room of the Guardians.
SHEPRAH: Hold your positions while I check fresh orders from Tyram.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MAGRIK: They must be kept from this section at all costs.
VORUS: If Tyram finds our Sky Striker, all our years of work will have been for nothing.
MAGRIK: I agree.
VORUS: As for the two humans from the beacon, have them killed immediately.
MAGRIK: Without further questioning?
VORUS: If they fall into Tyram's hands, he might learn too much of our plans. They have to be silenced.
MAGRIK: Very well. I'll send a detachment to deal with them.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Right. Now let's see if it works.
DOCTOR: Strange.
STEVENSON: Isn't it working?
DOCTOR: Yes, full power. They must have left the receptor circle.
LESTER (OOV.): Commander!
[SCENE_BREAK]
LESTER: I'm getting a signal on the radar screen.
STEVENSON: It could be an incoming ship.
LESTER: There's nothing due for another twelve days.
STEVENSON: Try to get a contact.
LESTER: This is Nerva Beacon to approaching craft. How do you read me? Over. (static) Nothing.
STEVENSON: It must be a spaceship. Look, it's coming directly towards us. Keep trying them, Lester.
LESTER: This is Nerva Beacon to approaching craft. Do you read me? This is Nerva Beacon. Would you kindly give your identity signal.
[SCENE_BREAK]
SARAH: Ow!
HARRY: Maimed for life.
SARAH: Honestly, I don't know why you're complaining. I got you free. What's that?
HARRY: Sounds like another of their dodgem cars.
SARAH: It's coming this way.
HARRY: Quick.
[SCENE_BREAK]
HARRY: This way. (further on) Sorry, old girl, dead end. Back we go.
SARAH: No, we can't, Harry. Look.
SARAH: We're trapped.
SARAH: Over there!
SARAH: Harry!
HARRY: What?
SARAH: They're coming!
[SCENE_BREAK]
STEVENSON: It must be within visual range now. Try to get a scanner contact.
LESTER: There she is.
STEVENSON: I don't recognise that type.
LESTER: Never seen anything like it before.
STEVENSON: There are missile tubes in the nose cone.
LESTER: It must be an alien.
STEVENSON: This is Nerva Beacon. You are approaching Nerva Beacon.
STEVENSON: We are in quarantine by orders from Earth Centre. I repeat, we are in quarantine. Stand away.
LESTER: They're deliberately ignoring our signals, Commander. Look, they're moving into docking orbit.
STEVENSON: The fools!
[SCENE_BREAK]
HARRY: Careful. Quick.
SARAH: Oh, Harry.
HARRY: This looks like the end, Sarah.
SARAH: One thing about you, Harry. You never miss the obvious.
HARRY: Why don't they just finish us off?
SHEPRAH: Vogans of Vorus, lay down your weapons! You are surrounded!
SARAH: Now what?
[SCENE_BREAK]
TYRAM: The plague?
SHEPRAH: They seem confused. At first they spoke of this scourge as a plague, but then one of them said the humans were killed by poison.
TYRAM: I will see them myself, Sheprah. Are the Guardians resisting our Militia?
SHEPRAH: Not in the galleries. They are holding a defensive position outside the guild chambers.
TYRAM: Ha! I expected Vorus'd make the guild chambers his strong point. Let him hold that for the present.
SHEPRAH: One determined assault is all that is needed to occupy them.
TYRAM: Let me see the two human captives. If Vorus has committed treason, I might give him the chance to die in battle.
SHEPRAH: You think he is a traitor, Chancellor?
TYRAM: After the cataclysms of our ancient past, Sheprah, we've survived down here only by regarding all outsiders as hostile.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LESTER: They're docking!
DOCTOR: We've got to stop them getting in.
STEVENSON: But who?
DOCTOR (OOV.): Cybermen!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: No good.
STEVENSON: Good grief!
CYBERMAN: All resistance overcome.
LEADER: The Beacon is ours. | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who sends Sarah and Harry to Voga to cure Sarah of the Cybermat's poison? A: Kellman's sabotage; Q: What is the reason the Doctor is unable to bring Sarah and Harry back? Summary: The Doctor transmits Sarah and Harry down to Voga to cure Sarah of the Cybermat's poison but Kellman's sabotage means he is unable to bring them back. |
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Chandler and Monica enter. Oh, and Joey is wearing a FDNY T-shirt to make this the first nod to the tragedy that Friends have made.]
Monica: Hey you guys?
Ross: What?
Monica: I know it's last minute, but we decided to have a Halloween party.
Phoebe: Oh good! (And there's general excitement.)
Monica: And everybody has to wear costumes. (And there's general disconcertment.) Come on! It'll be fun!
Ross: Well, I'll-I'll be there. I mean I have to wear a costume to all my classes that day anyway so...
Rachel: Please tell me you're not gonna dress up like a dinosaur.
Ross: (exhales sarcastically) Not two years in a row.
Joey: Look, I'll come to the party but I'm not dressing up.
Monica: You have to!
Joey: No way! Look, Halloween is so stupid! Dressing up, pretending to be someone you're not...
Chandler: You're an actor!
Monica: So Ross, are you gonna bring Mona?
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, I think I will.
Joey: That hot girl from their wedding?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Well hey-hey if she needs any idea for costumes, she could be a bikini model, or a slutty nurse, or a sexy cheerleader huh-Ooh-ooh, Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre-No-no-no! Slutty Leatherface.
Phoebe: Now wasn't Joey hitting on her at the wedding too?
Ross: That's right! He was hitting on her, and I got her. I guess the better man won. (To Joey) Please don't take her from me.
Opening Credits
[Scene: A Street, Phoebe is walking down it and passes Ursula.]
Phoebe: Ursula! (Ursula turns, smiles, and continues walking.) Wait! Err-err, it's me! Phoebe!
Ursula: Oh, I thought there was a mirror there. Okay, bye-bye. (Starts to walk again.)
Phoebe: Wait a second! So, what's new with you?
Ursula: Umm, nothing. I mean, I'm getting married next week.
Phoebe: What?!
Ursula: Yeah! Yeah, it's gonna be a small ceremony. Just family. (Phoebe looks at her.) His.
Phoebe: Huh. Okay. Well, I'm really happy for you. (Starts to walk away.)
Ursula: Wait! If umm, if you want to come, I guess that'd be okay.
Phoebe: Really?
Ursula: Sure! Why not? You could be my sister for the day.
Phoebe: Yeah. Okay. Umm, y'know, my friends are having a Halloween party tonight at my old apartment so, you could come. Maybe I could meet the guy you're marrying.
Ursula: Huh. Well, I'm supposed to be working at the restaurant tonight. I'm supposed to be working right now, so who cares.
Phoebe: By the way, it's a costume party.
Ursula: Oh! Okay, so that's why you're... (Motions to what she's wearing.)
Phoebe: (looks down) No. But thanks. (Walks away.)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, The Halloween party has started. Monica is setting out some food as Rachel enters.]
Rachel: Hi!
Monica: Wait! You're supposed to wear a costume!
Rachel: I am! I am a woman who spent a lot of money on a dress and she wants to wear it, because soon she won't be able to fit into it.
Monica: Oh.
Rachel: Ahh!
Monica: I'm Catwoman, who wants to borrow the dress when you're too big for it.
Rachel: Okay.
(There's a knock on the door.)
Kids: Trick or treat!
Rachel: Oh! Oh! Can I give out the candy? I really want to be with the kids right now. Y'know, ever since I got pregnant I-I have the strongest maternal instincts.
Kids: Trick or treat!!
Rachel: (to them) Just a minute!!! (She takes the candy and opens the door to two parents, a witch, a clown, and a cowgirl.) Look at you guys! Wow! You are a very scary witch. (Gives her candy.)
Witch: Thank you.
Rachel: And you are a very funny clown. (Gives him candy.)
Clown: Thank you.
Rachel: (to the cowgirl) And you are so in style right now. Y'know, I work at Ralph Lauren and the whole fall line has got this like equestrian theme going on. I don't suppose you saw the cover of British Vogue, but...
Cowgirl: (interrupting) Can I just have the candy?
Rachel: Yeah. Sure. (Throws some in her bag and she walks away as Phoebe, dressed as Supergirl walks up and eyes Monica who eyes her back.)
Phoebe: Ah, Catwoman. So we meet again.
Monica: So we do Supergirl.
Phoebe: No, it's me. Phoebe!
Chandler: (entering from the bedroom wearing a big, pink bunny costume) Monica! Can I talk to you for a second? Listen, I appreciate you getting me the costume...
Rachel: (To Monica) Oh, you did this to him?
Monica: What?! I thought he'd love it! His favorite kid's book was the Velveteen Rabbit!
Chandler: The Velveteen Rabbit was brown and white!
Monica: Well, it was either a pink bunny or no bunny at all.
Chandler: No bunny at all!! Always no bunny at all!!!
Joey: (entering) Hey!
Monica: You didn't dress up either?!
Joey: Yes I did! I'm Chandler. (Looks at Chandler) Dude, what happened?
Chandler: How is that me?
Joey: Okay. I'm Chandler (makes a growling/gurgling sound at the end and the girls laugh.)
Phoebe: (To Chandler) That is so you!
Chandler: When have I ever done that?!
Joey: When have I ever done that?! (And does the sound again.)
(There's a knock on the door.)
Girl: Trick or treat!
Rachel: Oh! (Opens the door to reveal a ballerina) Well you're just the prettiest ballerina I've ever seen.
Ballerina: Thank you. (Pirouettes.)
Rachel: Oh wow! That deserves another piece of candy.
Ballerina: Thank you. (Does another ballerina move.)
Rachel: Well, I have to say that earns tutu pieces of candy.
Ballerina: I love you! (Hugs Rachel.)
Rachel: Ohh... Oh, honey here. Take it all. (Pours the entire large bowl into her bag and closes the door.) Monica! We need more candy?
Monica: What?! There's only been like four kids.
Rachel: Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.
Phoebe: No wonder your pregnant.
Ross: (entering) Hey! (He's wearing a costume as well.)
Rachel: Hey.
Monica: What are you supposed to be?
Ross: Remember the Russian satellite, Sputnik? (They all look at him.) Well, I'm a potato or a...spud. And these are my antennae. (Points to the colander with an old TV antenna glued on top that he's wearing.) So Sputnik, becomes... (They're still confused) Spud-nik. Spudnik!
Chandler: Wow! I don't have the worst costume anymore!
Joey: (sees Ross) Hey all right, Ross came as doody.
Ross: No, I-I'm not doody.
Monica: No, space doody!
(Joey gives him the okay symbol, and Ross rushes towards him to be stopped by Chandler. Meanwhile, Phoebe goes over to the snack table as some guy, which turns out to be Ursula's fiancée Eric, walks in and smacks her butt.)
Eric: Aren't you gonna give me a kiss?
Phoebe: Okay, I will. But right after you tell me who the hell you are.
Eric: Ursula?
Phoebe: Ursula's fiancée?
Eric: Oh my God, you're the sister!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Eric: Okay, I just slapped my future sister-in-law's ass.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Eric: I'm an idiot. Uh, is your mother here? Maybe I can give her a little slap on the butt.
Phoebe: My mother killed herself.
Eric: She, now I knew that and...now I'm sweating. Look at me, I'm really sweating-Now I'm saying, "Look at me," I'm getting even sweatier. I think I probably should go.
Phoebe: No-no! That's okay, we'll just start over. Okay? Hi! I'm Phoebe.
Eric: Eric. (They shake hands and he's squinting. And, no, it's not me.)
Phoebe: Why are you looking at me like that?
Eric: 'Cause the sweat's getting in my eyes and its burning.
Phoebe: Okay. (Hands him a napkin.) So, what are you?
Eric: I don't think they have a name for it. It's just I get nervous; I start sweating like crazy.
Phoebe: (laughs) No I-I meant your costume.
Eric: Oh umm, I'm the solar system. (He's wearing a black sweater with the planets glued on around the sun.) Yeah, my students helped me make it-I teach the second grade.
Phoebe: I love the second grade!
Eric: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah! It's so much better than first grade when you don't know what's going on and definitely better than third grade. Y'know with all the politics and mind games.
Eric: So what do you do?
Phoebe: Umm, I'm a masseuse...by day. (Stands with her hands on her hips like a Supergirl pose.)
Eric: Y'know you don't have to stand here with me, believe me...
Phoebe: No I'm having fun. I'm really-And I'm really-really excited for you and Ursula.
Eric: Oh I feel very lucky, she's great. I think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
Phoebe: Thank you.
[Time lapse, Monica is going over to talk to Joey.]
Monica: Hey Joey?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: You read comic books right?
Joey: Exclusively.
Monica: Who do you think would win in a fight, Catwoman or Supergirl?
Joey: Catwoman, hands down.
Monica: Yeah...
Joey: But between you and Phoebe, I'd have to give the edge to Phoebe.
Monica: What?! Really?!
Joey: Are you kiddin'? Phoebe lived on the street. Okay? Plus, she's got this crazy temper. She-She's not standing right behind me is she?
Monica: No you're fine. (Joey checks anyway.) All right well, do you think I could take Rachel?
Joey: I'm not sure.
Monica: What?! Come on I am tough! Punch me right here! (Her stomach) As hard as you can!
Joey: Will you relax?! What are you taking this so seriously for? It doesn't matter.
Monica: Oh really? Okay? Well what would you say if I told you that, y'know, Ross or Chandler could beat you up?
Joey: I would say, "Woman, please!"
Phoebe: (walking over) Hey. Ursula's fiancée is really sweet! He's a teacher, he does all this volunteer work. Y'know normally y'know, I don't like really sweaty guys. But this one? I could just mop him up!
Monica: Oh my God, Phoebe!
Phoebe: What?
Monica: You're getting a crush on your sister's fiancée.
Phoebe: No I'm not! You are!
Joey: (To Monica) Here comes the temper.
(There's a knock on the door and Rachel opens it to a little girl.)
Girl: Trick or treat!
Rachel: Hi! Y'know what honey, we're actually out of candy right now. But someone just went out to get some and I have been giving out money but I'm out of that too. Hey, can I write you a check?
Girl: Okay!
Rachel: Okay, what's your name?
Girl: Lelani Mayolanofavich.
Rachel: Okay, I'm just gonna write this out to cash.
Mona: (entering) Hi!
Rachel: Hey Mona!
Chandler: Oh! Hi!
Mona: Hi!
Chandler: Joey's gonna be thrilled! He was hoping you'd come by as a slutty nurse.
Mona: Umm, actually I'm just a nurse.
Chandler: You'd think that would embarrass me, but you see I'm maxed out.
Ross: Hey!
Mona: Hi!
Ross: You made it!
Mona: Wait-wait! You're umm, you're a potato...
Ross: Well, I'm a spud...
Mona: And the antennae...Oh my God you're Spudnik!
Ross: Yes!
Chandler: (To Ross) Marry her.
[Cut to Joey and Monica.]
Joey: Okay, here's a good one for ya. Who do think would win in a fight between Ross and Chandler.
Monica: I can't answer that! Chandler's my husband.
Joey: So Ross?
Monica: Yeah.
[Cut to Phoebe and Eric.]
Eric: Hey beautiful.
Phoebe: Hello handsome. (Sees Ursula over her shoulder) Oh God. (Walks away in shame as they kiss.) Oh look at you two. So when did you guys meet?
Eric: Two weeks ago.
Phoebe: Two weeks? That's it?
Eric: Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, and it's not like me to do something so impulsive, but she's just so perfect, and we have so much in common.
Phoebe: Oh really?
Eric: We're both teachers.
Phoebe: Huh? (Ursula motions for Phoebe to keep quiet.)
Eric: And we were both in the Peace Corps.
Phoebe: Peace Corps, really? (Ursula motions, "I don't know.")
Eric: In fact when we were building houses in Uruguay, we were, we were just two towns apart and we never met.
Ursula: Yeah. It wasn't a town when I got there, but it was a town when I left. (To Eric) Shall we get me really drunk?
Eric: Sure.
(They walk away.)
[Cut to Mona and Ross walking past Chandler.]
Chandler: Howdy doody.
Ross: That's funny. Yeah. Y'know you're the funniest man here in a pink bunny costume his wife made him wear.
Chandler: Oh relax man, relax. You're looking a little flushed.
Joey: (To Monica) Hey-hey-hey, I think we might find out the answer to our question.
Chandler: What question?
Joey: Monica and I were talking about who could kick whose ass in a fight, you or Ross?
Chandler: There's no question.
Joey: So you think Ross too?
(Monica turns around slowly.)
Chandler: (To Monica) You picked Ross?!
Monica: Ross is really strong! Okay, he's the strongest out of all three of you! (Joey looks at her.) Except for Joey.
Chandler: I cannot believe you didn't pick me.
Ross: Uh, in her defense, she's right. I am stronger. I would destroy you.
Chandler: Oh really?! You think you're stronger? Why don't you prove it? (He pushes Ross who starts to fall backwards until Mona catches him.)
Ross: Oh I'll prove it! I'll prove it like a theorem!!
(They start to fight with Ross pulling on Chandler's ears and Chandler hitting Ross over the head with his carrot.)
Monica: Wait-wait!! Okay, stop it! Stop it! Stop! (Breaks it up.) Now listen, no one's gonna fight in this apartment.
Joey: Hey Monica! (Grabs her and pulls her into the living room.) People came to see a fight, let's give 'em what they came for!
Mona: Hey, you guys could arm wrestle.
Joey: Yeah. Listen to the slutty nurse.
Chandler: (To Ross) You're going down.
Ross: Oh yeah? You're going further down! Downtown!
Joey: Seriously guys, the trash talk is embarrassing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the party continues with Rachel leaning on the counter as Gunther walks in carrying candy.]
Rachel: Oh Gunther! You brought candy! Thank you so much for picking this up! You are so sweet.
Gunther: Really?
Rachel: Honey, someday you are gonna make some man the luckiest guy in the world.
(There's a knock on the door.)
Kid: Trick or treat!
Rachel: Gotta go! (Opens the door to a boy in a cape.) Hi! Wow! There you go! (Hands him some candy.)
Boy in the Cape: My friend Lewis told me you were giving out money.
Rachel: Oh yeah, we were but umm, now we've got candy.
Boy in the Cape: I'd rather have the money.
Rachel: Well, that-that's not your choice. Happy Halloween!
Boy in the Cape: This isn't fair.
Rachel: Well is it fair that all you did was put on a cape and I gotta give you free stuff?
Boy in the Cape: Shut up!
Rachel: You shut up!
(The gang gets interested now.)
Boy in the Cape: You can't tell me to shut up!
Rachel: Uh, I think I just did. And uh-oh, here it comes again. Shut up!
Joey: Rach?
Rachel: (To Joey) Yeah I know-I'm good-I got it! (Joey slowly backs away.) (To the boy) Now wait a minute, I've got one more thing I have to say to you...oh right! Shut up!
Boy in the Cape: You're a mean old woman. (Runs away.)
Rachel: No! Wait no! Shut up-I mean don't cry! Let me get my checkbook! (Grabs her checkbook and runs after him.)
[Cut to Mona and Joey clearing the dining room table for the grudge match between Chandler and Ross.]
Monica: (To Chandler) Look honey, you don't have to do this, okay? It's the strength you have inside that means the most to me. You're loyal, you're honest, and you have integrity! That's the kind of strength that I want in the man that I love!
Chandler: That means nothing to me. (To Ross) Come on!
[Scene: The Hallway, Phoebe is exiting Monica and Chandler's, and finds Ursula standing in the hallway smoking.]
Phoebe: Hi liar!
Ursula: Hey!
Phoebe: Y'know the only reason he's marrying you is because he thinks all the things you were saying about yourself were true.
Ursula: Well they could be true.
Phoebe: But they're not!
Ursula: Yeah, it's a fine line huh?
Phoebe: Why are you lying to him?
Ursula: I don't know. He said he did all this stuff and then I said I did it too and he got so excited, it was really fun.
Eric: (entering) Honey?
Ursula: (waving the cigarette in Phoebe's face) It's a filthy, disgusting habit and I want you to quit now!
Eric: She's helped so many people to quit smoking.
Ursula: Y'know, we'd really better get going.
Eric: Oh right, you've got a church group meeting tonight.
Ursula: Right. (Walks down the stairs.)
Eric: (To Phoebe) Well, it was nice meeting you.
Phoebe: You too. And Ursula?! It was really nice meeting you tonight!!
Joey: (entering) Pheebs come on! Bunny vs. Doody! We're waiting! (They go inside.) (To Chandler and Ross.) Okay. Okay guys, one match, winner take all. (They grasp each other's hand in preparation for battle.) Oh wait-wait! What does the winner get?
Ross: Pride.
Chandler: And dignity.
Joey: (laughing) Okay, if you say so. All right, ready? Set! Go!
(They start wrestling, only they are unable to move either one's arm despite a huge strain on their faces and a cheering crowd.)
[Time Lapse: the crowd has left and only Mona, Monica, Joey, and Phoebe are still watching to see who will be able to move the other's arm first. An event that has yet to happen.]
Mona: (To Joey) Wow! They're both really strong.
Joey: Or equally weak.
Monica: (To Phoebe) Oh God!
Phoebe: Hmm?
Monica: Chandler's making his s*x face.
(Basically Chandler's face looks like he's not all there and is staring off into the distance...)
Ross: (To Chandler) So, you gettin' tired?
Chandler: Nope! I can do this all day.
Ross: Yeah? Me too. (Pause) Gettin' a little tired though.
Chandler: God, I'm exhausted.
Ross: Look this is starting to look really bad for me. Okay? Mona, Mona's standing right over there. (Looks behind him.) Oh God, she's talking to Joey! You gotta let me win!
Chandler: No way! If anything you've gotta let me win! My wife thinks I'm a wimp!
Ross: Hey, at least you have a wife! I-I keep getting divorces and knockin' people up! And I'm dressed as doody.
Chandler: You're Spudnik.
Ross: Come on, who are we kidding? I'm doody. Please? She's watchin'.
Chandler: Fine. (He lets Ross win.) Oh no!
Ross: (celebrating) Oh yeah!
Mona: (clapping) Yay! My hero!
Joey: (to her) You're a weird lady.
Eric: (entering) Hey. Ursula said she left her purse.
Phoebe: Oh.
Eric: (finds it) What a relief. It has all the numbers of the people in her prayer chain.
Phoebe: Sure it does. Yeah, yeah.
Eric: Well, I guess I'll see you at the wedding. (Exits and Phoebe follows him into the hall.)
Phoebe: Umm listen, I don't think...I don't think I'm gonna make it to the wedding. So I just want to wish you all the luck in the world.
Eric: I think we'll be okay. Besides it's so perfect and (whispering) she's been saving herself for me.
Phoebe: Okay I can't let you do this! She's lying to you.
Eric: What?
Phoebe: She is lying! And I bet I can prove it. Excuse me. (She grabs Ursula's purse and starts going through it and finds some papers.) Okay. Okay. Yeah-Not a prayer chain, but what looks like a detailed drawing of a bank floor plan. (Holds up her nametag.) Okay, here's the nametag from the restaurant where she works as a waitress! Not a teacher, a waitress. All right, here's her driver license, this oughta be good, she always lies about this. How old did she say she was?
Eric: She told me she was 25.
Phoebe: Oh, I almost don't want to show this. (Hands it to him.) Just remember I'm a minute younger.
Eric: I am so stupid. Of course she was lying! She's not a teacher. There's not such a thing as the top secret elementary school for the children of spies.
Phoebe: No. You're not, you're not stupid.
Eric: I'm not smart. (Phoebe has no comeback.) I just wanted so much to...be impulsive once. To be romantic.
Phoebe: That's good, you should be impulsive and you should be romantic. Just...you did it with the wrong person. (He looks at her.) What?
Eric: It's just so weird, two people look so much alike, and so different.
Ursula: (yelling from downstairs) Eric!! Let's go!!
Eric: I'd better go, deal...
Phoebe: Yeah, you should. (They shake hands.)
Ursula: Hurry up I gotta pray!!
(Phoebe hands Eric Ursula's purse and he walks away.)
[Time Lapse: Rachel is returning from chasing down the boy in the cape.]
Joey: Hey!
Rachel: Hey! Well, I had to give the kid fifty bucks to stop crying.
Joey: That's not so bad.
Rachel: No, I also had to go to a couple houses with him as his girlfriend. Oh, I am just awful with children!
Joey: Come on! You're good with kids. They're just crazy on Halloween. Y'know, they're all greedy and hopped up on sugar!
Rachel: Really? You think that's all it is?
Joey: Absolutely! Halloween is the worst. Except for Christmas...and their birthdays. Kinda get a little crazy during the summer too. And anytime they're hungry or sleepy. Y'know, kids are tough. Good luck with that. (Walks away.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Monica are standing in the kitchen.]
Monica: Look, I wanted to tell I'm-I'm sorry you lost.
Chandler: Listen, I've got a secret for ya. I let him win.
Monica: (laughs) Is that a secret or a lie.
Chandler: No, I let him win-Ross!
Ross: Yeah?
Chandler: Would you tell her I let you win please?
Ross: Oh. Yeah. (Sarcastically) Uh Chandler let me win. No, Chandler's really strong. Oh my arm is so sore. Oh nurse! (Waddles over to Mona.)
Chandler: I am strong! I'll show you! (He sits down at the table.)
Monica: Chandler please!
Chandler: Oh what's the matter? Are you scared?
Monica: Let's go big bunny!
(They assume the starting position.)
Chandler: Okay. 1...2...3-Go! (Once again he's at a stalemate, but this time he's in pain.) (Pause) I'm gonna kill myself! | Plan: A: Chandler's Halloween party; Q: Where did Monica and Chandler's fiance meet? A: Chandler; Q: Who does Ross arm wrestle with? A: Phoebe; Q: Who is attracted to Sean Penn? A: Ursula; Q: Whose bad behavior does Phoebe bond with Eric over? A: Ross; Q: Who laments that his "Spudnik" outfit makes him look like feces? A: his goofy "Spudnik" outfit; Q: What does Ross think makes him look like feces? A: the candy; Q: What does Rachel want to hand out to trick-or-treaters? Summary: At Monica and Chandler's Halloween party, Phoebe runs into her sister's fiance, Eric ( Sean Penn ). Phoebe becomes attracted to him as they bond over Ursula's lies and bad behavior. Ross and Chandler arm wrestle ineffectually. Ross laments that his goofy "Spudnik" outfit makes him look like feces . Rachel, feeling maternal, asks to hand out the candy to trick-or-treaters, only to realize she is less maternal as she thought. |
[Scene: A woman's house. Kitchen. The woman (Katrina) serves a bowl of food to about a dozen cats.]
Katrina: There you go, there you go, my kitties. There's plenty for everyone. (More cats across the room meow.) Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you either. (A warlock holding a knife blinks in outside. The cats growl and hiss.) I know.
(The warlock blinks in behind Katrina.)
Warlock: Meow.
(Katrina spins around and scratches his face. He blinks out and blinks back in behind her. She turns around and the warlock swings the knife at her neck, cutting her and cutting the necklace she was wearing. The necklace falls to the floor. It has the triquetra symbol on it. Katrina jumps up high and flips over the warlock. She kicks him in the stomach and he falls to the floor.)
Katrina: Now!
(Katrina runs away. All the cats pounce on the warlock and scratch him. He gets them off him and stands up. The cats run out of the room. He looks around and notices the necklace on the floor. He picks it up and looks closely at the triquetra symbol.)
[Scene: Manor. Bedroom. Phoebe, Paige and Wyatt are there. Phoebe is sitting on the bed looking through a photo album. Paige is standing beside Wyatt's bassinet.]
Paige: So Piper was engaged before Leo?
Phoebe: Yep, she was.
Paige: Well, lucky for you, little man, that did not work out.
Phoebe: Actually, lucky for all of us. She was engaged to a warlock.
Paige: Dan was a warlock?
Phoebe: Oh, no, before Dan. Way before Dan. Two bankers, a rock climber, and a ghost before Dan. Actually, the ghost was the best of the bunch.
Paige: See, now that's what I call critical sisterly information. How am I supposed to be petty and judgmental without all the info?
Phoebe: Yeah, but sweetie, what do you expect? You didn't know her back then. It doesn't mean you're any less apart of us though, you know that, right?
Paige: Yeah, I know. It would've been cool though. Hang out with you, see what you guys were like, maybe meet Prue.
Phoebe: Well, if it makes you feel any better, you didn't miss much with me. I'm pretty much the exact same person I was back then.
Paige: Yeah, right.
Phoebe: No, I'm serious. I mean, I have a job now and that's good. But, uh, you know, I'm still living at home, I'm still single, the only real difference is that I'm five years older. I need to use more expensive night cream.
(Paige laughs.)
Piper's Voice: That is not what happened and you know it.
Leo: That's exactly what happened and it's not the first time it's happened, either.
Piper: What is that supposed to mean?
Leo: You know what? Forget it, Piper.
(Phoebe and Paige head for the door.)
Piper's Voice: Don't walk away from me. Leo. Leo!
[Cut to the hallway. Leo is walking down it with Piper following.]
Piper: I am talking to you!
Leo: I'm tired of you mocking me, especially in front of our friends.
(Phoebe and Paige walk out of the bedroom.)
Piper: Oh, I resent that. I don't mock you.
Leo: You always mock me. I work my butt off around here, I quit my job, I quit my career, so you wouldn't have to, and I get no respect for it, none.
Piper: I never asked you to give up your career.
Leo: The hell you didn't!
Piper: You're right, I didn't! (to Phoebe and Paige) Did I?
Leo: Oh, right, turn to them for support like you always do.
Piper: Oh, what, so now you have a problem with them too?
Leo: No, I have a problem with you!
(He turns and walks into Piper's bedroom.)
Piper: Leo, don't you dare walk away from me again. (He slams the door behind him.) I mean it!
(She points her finger and blows up the door and the wall around it.)
Phoebe: Whoa.
(They look at the damage in shock.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Manor. Morning. Outside Piper's bedroom. Piper is standing there looking at the damage to her room. She sighs. Phoebe and Paige walk out of the bedroom down the hall and approach Piper.]
Phoebe: Hi! Come on.
(Phoebe takes Piper down the hallway.)
Piper: What? Where are we going?
Paige: You'll see, let's go.
[Cut to the living room. Leo is curled up on the couch asleep. He wakes up when he hears Piper, Phoebe and Paige coming down the stairs.]
Phoebe: Will you stop dragging your feet?
Piper: I don't wanna talk to him.
Paige: Lady, just get in there.
(They walk into the living room.)
Leo: What's going on?
Paige: We are gonna stay here until we figure this thing out, that is what is going on.
Leo: Figure out what? This is between us, it has nothing to do with you two.
(Piper tries to leave but Phoebe stops her.)
Phoebe: You know what? I don't know what the problem is but it's affecting Piper's power, and if her power is out of control then it's our problem too.
Paige: Plus, we love you guys and we wanna help, that's all.
Piper: We'll figure it out.
Phoebe: Really? Before the next demon attacks?
(Phoebe pulls out a card and hands it to Piper.)
Piper: What is this?
Phoebe: Dr. Berenson. He's a marriage counsellor that I use to help me with my column. I called in a favour and he's expecting you one o'clock today.
Leo: What?
Phoebe: He cancelled all his other appointments, so you'll have the whole day to talk this out.
Leo: Come on, this is ridiculous. You expect us to go to some mortal and spill our guts?
Paige: What you need is a mortal doctor, Leo. Your problems are marital, not supernatural. So, you know, speak in euphemisms if you have to.
Leo: I don't know. (Piper walks over to a cabinet and looks at a wedding photo of her and Leo, and looks at the bride and groom figurine from the cake.) What do you think?
Piper: I think it might be a good idea. Although I don't know realistically how much we're gonna accomplish in one day.
Phoebe: So use magic. Cast a spell. Don't worry about the consequences, you've already got them. In spades.
Piper: Well, who's gonna watch Wyatt? Aren't you both busy?
Paige: I've already taken care of that, it's Darryl's day off.
Leo: You didn't tell him why, did you?
Paige: No, I did not tell him why.
Phoebe: There's nothing to be ashamed of. You've been through so much, it's a wonder you've made it this far without professional help. It's a wonder we all have. You owe this to yourselves... and your baby.
[Scene: Katrina's House. The place is a mess. The warlock is there pulling everything out of a draw. He finds a crystal and a map and takes it over to a coffee table. He flattens the map and pulls out the knife he cut Katrina with. He rubs the end of the crystal against the edge of the bloody knife and starts to scry.]
Warlock: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. (The crystal stops on the map.) Gotcha.
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Phoebe's there typing on her computer. Paige walks in.]
Paige: Bad time?
Phoebe: No, no, not at all. My advice sucks today anyway. What are you doing? I thought you had a lunch date.
Paige: I was, I was just kind of distracted. I kept thinking about Piper and Leo.
Phoebe: I know, me too.
Paige: It's just so unsettling. They've always seemed so solid, until recently. It's kinda scary.
Phoebe: Yeah, they'll work it out.
Paige: Yeah, if you say so, it's just strange, not having seen them fight light that before.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? How many times has Piper blown up Leo?
Paige: She's blown him up literally?
Phoebe: Yeah, but you know Piper, she didn't mean anything by it. Look, Paige, don't worry. They love each other so much, and they've been through a lot worse than this.
Paige: If you say so, you know them better than I do.
(Phoebe's cell phone rings. She looks at it and it shows "Home Calling".)
Phoebe: Hey. (She answers it.) Piper, what are you still doing at home?
[Cut to the manor. Bathroom. Katrina is there rummaging through the drawers.]
Katrina: This isn't Piper. I'm an innocent. Someone is after me, a warlock.
[Cut to Phoebe's office.]
Paige: What is it?
Phoebe: Who is this?
Katrina: I don't have time to explain. You need to come home with your sisters. And Leo. I need healing.
Phoebe: I-I don't know what you're talking about.
Katrina: Where's the disinfectant? Didn't it used to be kept in Prue's bathroom?
Phoebe: No, it's in the kitchen.
Paige: What is going on?
Katrina: Hurry, please, before he kills me.
[Scene: Dr. Berenson's Office. Dr. Berenson opens the door to reveal Piper and Leo standing there.]
Leo: Dr. Berenson?
Dr. Berenson: Yes, hi. Is it Leo?
Leo: Yeah. And Piper.
Dr. Berenson: Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you both. Why don't you come in and make yourself comfortable.
(Piper and Leo walk in. Piper laughs.)
Piper: Sorry.
(Dr. Berenson closes the door and Piper and Leo sit on a couch apart from each other. Dr. Berenson sits on a single couch across from them.)
Dr. Berenson: Well, uh, Phoebe has told me a lot about you.
Leo: Oh, really? Like what?
Dr. Berenson: Oh, I-I don't mean about what brings you here, just that she thinks the world of you. (Piper and Leo look around uncomfortably.) So, what does bring you here?
Piper: Uh, well, I guess we've been, uh, sort of fighting a lot lately.
Dr. Berenson: Is that unusual in your marriage?
Leo: (same time) No.
Piper: (same time) Yes.
(They look at each other.)
Leo: We just had a baby.
Piper: Right, the baby.
Dr. Berenson: Is that what you guys have been fighting about?
Leo: No.
Piper: No.
Dr. Berenson: Maybe it would be better if we started at the beginning, huh? Why don't you tell me about your childhood.
Piper: Ugh. For god's sake.
(She freezes Dr. Berenson.)
Leo: Piper, what are you doing? You can't freeze the shrink, we're on the clock.
(Piper stands up.)
Piper: Yeah, well, forget about the clock, 'cause you know what? We're gonna need a calendar 'cause this is gonna take months.
Leo: Okay, well, if you remember, you're the one that wanted to do this. I did not.
Piper: Yeah, well, Leo, we need to. For all the reasons that Phoebe said and you know it. Look, we've lost our way and we need to find it back, fast.
Leo: So you really think a spell will help?
Piper: It has to.
[Scene: Manor. The Warlock throws Katrina hard against the wall. He grabs her by the hair and pushes her onto the floor.]
Warlock: Not so fast. I wanna enjoy this.
(He grabs her by the neck and pulls her up. He pushes her against the wall and holds her there. He moves the knife towards her neck. Paige orbs in with Phoebe.)
Phoebe: Hey! (Phoebe grabs a candlestick and hits the warlock across the face.) Orb her outta here.
(Paige goes over to Katrina and orbs out with her. The warlock grabs Phoebe by the arm.)
[Cut to the living room. Paige orbs in with Katrina. Paige sits her down on the edge of the couch.)
Paige: Are you alright?
Katrina: Yeah, I think so. You really got that orbing thing down, don't you?
Paige: Who are you?
Katrina: Someone from your past.
[Cut to the dining room. Phoebe and the Warlock land on the dining room table. The Warlock points the knife at Phoebe's throat. She struggles to push him away. She finally rolls him off the table.]
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's office. Piper walks across the room holding a small piece of paper. She sits down beside Leo.]
Leo: I'm just worried about the memory part of the spell, that's all.
Piper: Look, we're gonna have to make our memories real and everything around them real or we're never gonna get through this. Now scoot over, we weren't this close. (Leo rolls his eyes and moves over. Piper reads from the paper.) "Let the truth be told, let our lives unfold, so we can relive our memories, and stop being enemies." (She burns the paper with a lighter and it vanishes.) Ready?
Leo: Yeah.
(Piper unfreezes Dr. Berenson.)
Dr. Berenson: Do you smell something?
Piper: No. Look, we were thinking we just skip the childhood part and just cut to the chase and go straight to us.
Leo: If that's alright with you.
Dr. Berenson: Oh, sure, sure. Um, why don't you tell me how you first met.
[Cut to the manor. Dining room. Phoebe grabs the Warlock's arm and twists it behind his back. She holds his knife against his neck. Paige orbs in.]
Paige: Need any help?
Phoebe: (to Warlock) What do you want? Who are you?
(Suddenly, Phoebe, Paige and the Warlock disappear from the room.)
[Cut to the front porch. Phoebe, Paige and the Warlock appear. Phoebe looks around and while she's distracted, the Warlock takes back his knife. He blinks out.]
Paige: He must have blinked us outside here.
Phoebe: He must have.
Leo's Voice: (from inside) Well, I think I see... yep, there's definitely something here, Miss Halliwell.
Piper's Voice: (from inside) Definitely.
Phoebe: Piper?
Paige: Miss Halliwell?
(Phoebe and Paige walk inside. Phoebe looks in the living room, her mouth drops and she pulls Paige away from the room.)
Phoebe: You are not going to believe this.
(They peek around the corner and look into the living room where they see...]
[Scene from episode 1.07 "The Fourth Sister". Past Phoebe, Piper and Leo are there. Leo is bent over with his head up in the fireplace, looking for something. Past Phoebe checks him out.]
Past Phoebe: My Santa, you've changed.
Past Piper: He's looking for Kit.
Past Phoebe: The cat. Right, four legs, fur. I remember.
(Phoebe and Paige pull back into the foyer.)
Paige: Is that you?
Phoebe: (whispering) Yeah, from about five years ago.
(Paige's jaw drops.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Past Living room. Phoebe and Paige peek around the corner again. Past Leo gets out of the fireplace.]
Past Leo: Sorry. Have you tried the shelter?
Past Piper: Yeah, nothing.
Past Leo: Well, she had a collar on, right? With your number on it and everything?
Past Phoebe: A very distinctive collar, actually.
Past Piper: Anyway... Uh, thanks for looking, I'm sure you must be hungry after all that work.
Past Leo: All what work?
(Past Phoebe laughs.)
Past Phoebe: Oh, that's just Piper. She's gotta be everyone's mum. Think of her as your mum. I know I do.
(Phoebe rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Paige gives her a confused look.)
Past Piper: Isn't she a scream?
Past Leo: Well, thanks, um, let me go put these fliers up first and I'll be right back, okay?
(Past Leo takes some fliers from Past Piper and turns to leave. He trips over the fireplace screen.)
Past Piper: Oh, careful.
Past Phoebe: Ooh, you alright?
Past Leo: Yeah.
Past Piper: Careful. (Past Leo puts the fireplace screen back.) Antique.
Past Phoebe: Grandma's.
Past Piper: Yeah.
(Past Leo leaves the room and heads for the conservatory door. Past Piper and Past Phoebe check Past Leo out as he walks away.)
Past Phoebe: Oh, quite possibly the finest glutes in the city.
Past Piper: In the state...
Past Phoebe: In all the land.
(While they're distracted, Phoebe and Paige sneak past the living room.)
Past Piper: Saw him first.
Past Phoebe: Uh-uh.
Past Piper: Uh-huh.
Paige: Eww, you hit on Leo?
Phoebe: Never mind that, we have to figure out a way to get outta here. We can't risk changing our history otherwise we'll have no future to go back to.
Paige: Yeah, but what if that's what the warlock wants us to do?
Phoebe: We've gotta get to the book.
(Paige nods. They hear Past Piper and Past Phoebe's voices. They hide behind a large pot plant.)
Past Piper: I'm telling you, he's not your type. He's nice.
Past Phoebe: Oh, oh, really? And I don't like nice?
Past Piper: No, Phoebe, you don't. You like dangerous, you like bad boys, you always have.
(Past Piper and Past Phoebe walk past the pot plant and go into the kitchen.)
Paige: Some things never change.
Phoebe: Would you be quiet?
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's office.]
Piper: Then Phoebe and I went upstairs to fight over him a little bit more.
Leo: And I went out to put up the fliers.
Dr. Berenson: You know, it's uncanny how well both of you seem to remember exactly what happened. Especially after five years.
Piper: Oh, well, you know, it just seems like yesterday to us.
Leo: Except that yesterday Piper almost blew up the house. (Leo chuckles. Piper gives him a look.) Figuratively speaking. I mean, Piper's got a bit of a temper.
Piper: I do not!
Leo: Oh, no?
[Cut to Phoebe and Paige crouched behind the pot plant. They disappear.]
[Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Paige appear behind a table.]
Phoebe: What happened?
Paige: I don't know. Let's get the book and get outta here.
Phoebe: Wait.
[Scene from episode 3.13 "Bride and Gloom". Dantalian appears. She walks over to the Book of Shadows and picks it up.]
Dantalian: That was easy.
(Past Piper comes out of the shadows.)
Past Piper: Too easy. (Past Phoebe kicks Dantalian from behind. She falls to the floor. Past Piper and Past Phoebe walk over to her. Past Phoebe is holding a knife.) Where's our sister?
Dantalian: Kill me and you'll never see her again.
Past Piper: Hmm, so maybe we should just torture you instead.
(Past Piper stands on Dantalian's arm and turns her hand into ice. Dantalian screams.)
Past Phoebe: Why don't you just shatter her hand and see what happens.
(Past Piper smashes her hand with the candlestick. Dantalian screams in pain. Paige gives Phoebe a look.)
Phoebe: I was under a spell. Evil.
Paige: Evil? You were blonde.
(Past Leo orbs in.)
Past Leo: Piper, we need to talk. (Past Phoebe and Past Piper turn to Past Leo. Dantalian grabs the Book and disappears.) What's going on?
Past Phoebe: Well, you just helped her escape, that's what's going on.
(Past Piper turns him into ice.)
Past Piper: Smash him. (Past Phoebe kicks Past Leo and he smashes into a million little pieces.) b*st*rd.
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's office.]
Dr. Berenson: I-I'm sorry, um, when you say she shattered you, I assume that's...
Piper: Metaphorically speaking.
(Leo gives Piper a look.)
Dr. Berenson: Perhaps we should try to explore all this a little more fully.
[Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Paige have come out of hiding.]
Paige: Okay, you didn't tell me you blew up Leo too.
Phoebe: Don't worry, he'll be fine, just as long as we don't mess anything up. What? You said you wanted to know what we were like before we met you, right? (She chuckles.) Voila.
Paige: Okay, does evil stump lady come back with the book anytime soon?
Phoebe: No, which means we have to figure this out by ourselves. I don't remember anything about a warlock with the power to jump through time, do you?
Paige: No, but I still think he's from the past.
Phoebe: Why?
Paige: Because Katrina, our innocent, says she knew us from the past. The warlock's after her so hey, it only figures, right?
Phoebe: Yeah, that makes sense. But I don't know how he's jumping us through time. Or why.
Paige: Maybe he's not, maybe there's some other reason.
Phoebe: Maybe. But if he is behind this, we have to figure out a way to force him to bring us back.
Paige: I think I know a way how. Remember the muses? Remember the potion that Piper made to blind the warlock and keep him from blinking?
Phoebe: Yeah, do you remember how to make it?
Paige: Yeah, if the right herbs are in the kitchen.
(They hear Past Piper and Past Phoebe's voices.)
Past Piper: So what are we supposed to do now?
Past Phoebe: I don't know, kill innocents?
Past Piper: No, I mean about Prue.
(Phoebe grabs Paige's arm.)
Phoebe: Orb us, orb us outta here.
Past Piper: How are we supposed to find her without the book?
(They start to orb out, bump into something and orb back in.)
Phoebe: Whoa, what happened?
Paige: It's like we got bounced off something. I think we're stuck.
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's office. Piper is pacing up and down the room.]
Piper: Of course, I don't wanna lose Leo, that's why I'm here. It's just, I don't know, sometimes it seems like our entire relationship has been one big fight.
Dr. Berenson: Really?
Piper: And I don't mean arguing, fighting, I mean...
Leo: All the obstacles we had to overcome. Especially early on.
Piper: And honestly? Sometimes I've wondered whether we're really meant to be together at all.
Leo: Even on our wedding day.
[Cut to the attic. Phoebe and Paige are hiding behind a table. They disappear.]
[Cut to the living room. Phoebe and Paige appear in the middle of the room.]
[Scene from episode 3.15 "Just Harried". Prue is sitting on the back of TJ's motorbike. We only see the back of Prue.]
Past Piper: What the hell is going on?
Past Phoebe: Prue, get your astral ass back here!
Phoebe: Oh, no, Piper's wedding.
(Phoebe and Paige hide around the corner. Past TJ rides off, knocking the cake table. Past Piper gasps. The three tiered cake falls on the floor.)
Past Phoebe: Honey...
Past Piper: Alright, that's it! The wedding is off!
(She throws her veil on the floor and heads for the door.)
Past Phoebe: Piper, Piper, you can not just leave.
Past Piper: Yes, I can. A demon I could have handled, but my big sister ruining my wedding, I can not handle that.
Past Phoebe: Okay, just listen to me for one second. All we have to do is find a way.
Past Piper: No, no, I don't wanna find a way to get married on my wedding day. It's-it's too hard. There must be a reason.
(Past Leo walks over to them.)
Past Leo: Piper...
Past Piper: Leo, I'm sorry, but this is just the final straw. It's just not meant to be.
(Past Piper leaves the manor.)
Past Leo: What just happened?
(Past Leo walks into the living room and sits down. Phoebe and Paige sneak around the corner into the conservatory.)
Past Cole: Are you okay?
Past Phoebe: (sarcastic) Oh, yeah, great.
Past Victor: Maybe Piper's right. Maybe the wedding just wasn't meant to be.
Past Patty: Victor.
Past Victor: All I'm saying is maybe the gods are just trying to spare them the pain that we went through.
Past Leo: No. All I need is what's inside of me to know that Piper and I are meant to be together. (He stands up.) What happened here today...
Past Phoebe: Piper and Leo's love has touched us all. We have to fix this.
Past Darryl: I gotta go fend off the parse.
Paige: I can't believe Prue ruined Piper's wedding.
(Kit meows and walks over to Phoebe and Paige.)
Phoebe: Oh my god. Kit. (Phoebe picks up Kit. She looks at the triquetra collar.) It is Kit.
Paige: I didn't know you had a cat.
Phoebe: Yeah, she ran away a couple of years ago. (The Warlock blinks in. They stare at each other, surprised. The Warlock steps back and smashes to bride and groom figurine from the wedding cake. The Warlock blinks out.) Okay, that was weird. We gotta work on that blinding potion.
Paige: Uh. Didn't he just change history?
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's office. Piper gasps and grabs her chest.]
Leo: What's the matter, honey? What is it?
Piper: I don't know, I just got a sharp pain in my heart.
[Cut to the manor. Living room. Present day. The bride and groom figurine in the cabinet glows and vanishes.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Past Kitchen. Phoebe and Paige are there. Phoebe is standing near the door, keeping an eye out. Paige waves her hands over a smoking pot.]
Paige: Oops.
Phoebe: Paige, shh!
Paige: What? Potions go poof, that's what they do.
Phoebe: Just hurry up.
Paige: I'm done. I just hope I didn't use any herbs we're gonna need in the future. I've already been to one alternate reality, I don't care to go home to another. (Phoebe groans.) What's the matter?
Phoebe: I don't know, this whole thing is sort of odd, it doesn't make any sense.
Paige: Like half the things we go through do?
Phoebe: I know, but didn't the warlock seemed surprised to see us in there?
Paige: Yeah, now that you mention it. Why?
Phoebe: Because I'm beginning to think that maybe he didn't have anything to do with this, maybe he's stuck in this same weird time loop just like we are.
Paige: Yeah, well, he's still dangerous. It'll probably be easier for him to kill us in the past without Piper around.
Phoebe: Yeah, and I'm also beginning to think that Piper's the reason we're stuck here. I mean, think about it. What's the common denominator in all of this? Piper and Leo, right? Every past event has centred around the two of them.
Paige: You think this is a spell?
Phoebe: Yeah, one gone awry obviously. I think Piper took my advice to heart with the marriage counsellor. They're taking a walk down memory lane... literally.
Paige: But it seems too real just to be a memory. I mean, what are we doing here?
Phoebe: They obviously have a lot of issues to work through.
Paige: Yeah, well, I hope they work through them soon.
(Paige bottles the potion.)
[Scene: Dr. Berenson's Office. Piper has a drink of water.]
Piper: Thank you.
Leo: You feel any better?
Piper: Yeah, a little bit, that was really weird.
Dr. Berenson: Piper, you know, sometimes bringing back old memories, old feelings, can have a psychosomatic effect. Especially when you're dealing with inner demons. (Piper and Leo look at each other.) Let's talk about before your wedding, about when you knew for the first time that you really loved Leo.
(Piper and Leo look at each other. Leo smiles as he remembers.)
[Cut to the past Kitchen. Phoebe and Paige disappear.]
[Cut to the attic. Scene from episode 1.21 "Love Hurts". Phoebe and Paige appear. They crouch down at the back of the room. Past Leo is lying on the couch, unconscious. Past Piper is kneeling beside him crying. A tear drop falls on her hand and it glows.]
Past Piper: I found it. Leo, I love you. (She holds her glowing hand over Past Leo and she heals him.) Can you hear me? I love you, Leo, please hear me.
(Leo wakes up.)
Past Leo: Piper.
(They hug.)
Past Piper: Oh, thank God. I tried so hard and I couldn't make it work before. Why didn't you tell me?
Past Leo: That love was the trigger? You had to find that out on your own. Why couldn't you tell me?
Past Piper: I don't know. I was afraid, I was afraid if I admitted how I really felt it would hurt more if I lost you. I'm so sorry, I should of said it before.
Past Leo: It's better late then never. Come on.
(Past Leo orbs out with Past Piper. Phoebe and Paige stand up, moved at what they just saw.)
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's office.]
Dr. Berenson: You know, Leo, the fact that you seem to be able to relive your wife's experience to such a degree is very telling.
Leo: It is?
Dr. Berenson: I think you might have some co-dependency issues.
(Piper nods and smiles slightly. She turns her head when Leo looks at her.)
[Cut to past Attic. Paige is sitting on the floor. Phoebe hands her a tissue.]
Phoebe: Here you go, my sweetie. Here you go. You okay?
Paige: Yeah, this is better than home movies. They've just been through so much.
Phoebe: Yeah, we all have. It's good to remember, even for me. It makes me realise how much I really have changed. (Kit runs in.) Kit? (The Warlock runs in after Kit.) Whoa. Okay, throw the potion!
Warlock: Don't bother.
(He blinks out.)
Phoebe: Wait a minute. Is it just me or is he not after us?
Paige: No, I think he's after your cat.
(Kit meows and walks around their ankles. They pat her.)
Phoebe: Kit? Really? Why?
Paige: I don't know. (to Kit) Unless there's something you're not telling us. It's funny, she's so familiar to me though. It reminds me of this old stray that used to hang outside my loft.
Phoebe: Wait a minute, you just said something.
Paige: I did? Was it smart?
(Phoebe goes over to the Book of Shadows.)
Phoebe: Oh, I am so glad the book is still in this memory.
Paige: Why, what'd I say? What are you looking for?
Phoebe: I am looking for... (she turns to a page) Familiars. That's what I'm looking for.
Paige: "Enchanted creatures who follow and guide new witches to protect them while they learn the craft."
Phoebe: (to Kit) Hey, is there something you haven't been telling me? (Kit rubs around their ankles.) Huh, Kit? Hey, don't you kiss up to me. Answer the question.
Paige: You sure you didn't know about this?
Phoebe: What, that Kit was our familiar? No, we just thought she was this cat that we found on the porch.
Paige: Better hope the warlock doesn't get her in the past otherwise our future...
Phoebe: Is screwed.
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's Office. Leo stands up.]
Leo: I'm screwed. This is a no-win situation. I work, she says I'm never around. I quit my job, she says I'm around too much. I gave up everything for her.
Piper: Ha! Co-dependent, thank you.
Leo: Okay, so what? Maybe I am. But you wanna talk co-dependent? Ask her about her damn sisters. They're frickin' inseparable. The Power of Three.
(Piper throws her hands up.)
Dr. Berenson: Um, I think we should go back to talking about some of your more positive memories, things that you've overcome as a couple. Free associate. Let the memories flow. Whatever comes to mind.
(Leo sits back down.)
[Cut to the past Attic. Phoebe and Paige disappear.]
[Cut to downstairs. Phoebe and Paige appear. They look into the conservatory. Scene from episode 1.08 "The Truth Is Out There... And It Hurts". Past Piper and Past Leo are there. Leo has spilled something on his shirt.]
Past Leo: Truth is caffeine makes me a little clumsy, you know.
(Past Leo heads for the door.)
Past Piper: Leo, wait.
Past Leo: Yeah?
Past Piper: Can I ask you a question?
Past Leo: Sure.
Past Piper: Do you need another shirt?
Past Leo: No, I got one in the truck. Thanks.
Past Piper: Leo, wait that wasn't my question.
Past Leo: It wasn't.
Past Piper: No. I was just wondering, do you ever... think of me?
Past Leo: Yeah.
Past Piper: In what way? As a friend sort of way or...
Past Leo: You have beautiful eyes.
Past Piper: That's a good way.
Past Leo: I'm sorry. (They laugh.) That was totally inappropriate wasn't it?
Past Piper: No, not at all. Ah, what the hell... Leo, how do you feel about women who make the first move?
Past Leo: I don't know, I'm still waiting for it to happen.
Past Piper: Goodness.
(Past Piper kisses him.)
Past Leo: Ahh... how do you feel about guys who make the second move?
Past Piper: Love 'em.
(They kiss again.)
Paige: Nice kiss!
(She grins. Phoebe and Paige disappear.)
[Cut to outside P3. Scene from episode 3.03 "Once Upon A Time". Past Piper walks out into the car park. Phoebe and Paige appear and crouch behind a car. Past Piper walks towards her car and the trolls trip her. She falls on the ground and all her stuff falls out of her purse.]
Past Piper: (looks up at the sky) I bet you guys think this is real funny, don't ya? Haven't you taken enough from me? You have to send trolls to kick me while I'm down. I am a good person, I am a good witch and damn it I would've made a great wife. And how dare you take that from me. I deserve... no, you know what? I demand that you send him back to me. You hear me? Right now. I am going to stand in this very spot until you send Leo back to me.
(Nothing happens. Phoebe and Paige disappear.)
[Cut to the manor. Conservatory. Phoebe and Paige appear.]
Phoebe: Enough already.
(Kit runs past Phoebe and Paige. They hear a crash and a dog barking.)
Paige: The warlock.
(A white dog runs past them, following Kit.)
Phoebe: You said you always wanted to meet Prue, right? That's another little spell gone awry.
[Scene from episode 3.21 "Look Who's Barking". Kit runs up the stairs and Piper, Phoebe and Leo come down the stairs. They stop Prue.]
Past Piper: Prue, no! No-no-no-no, very bad, Prue. Very, very bad Prue. (Prue growls.) Hi, Kujo, who you growling at?
Past Leo: Maybe I'd better go check with the elders and see if they know how to vanquish a Banshee.
Past Phoebe: Wait a minute, don't tell me you're afraid of Prue.
Past Leo: Yeah.
Past Piper: Well, wait a minute, hold it. What if we find the Banshee in the mean time?
Past Leo: Well, you blew up the last demon you fought, didn't you?
Past Piper: Yeah, but I was trying to freeze him.
Past Leo: Just remember what we talked about. Just try and relax.
(Past Leo orbs out.)
Past Piper: I really wish everybody would quit telling me to relax.
(Phoebe and Paige disappear.)
[Cut to a Castle. Phoebe and Paige appear under a table. Scene from episode 4.06 "A Knight To Remember". Past Piper and Past Phoebe are chained to a wall. Leo runs in.]
Past Leo: Piper! Phoebe.
(Past Leo tries to unlock the chains.)
Past Piper: Easy, easy.
(A guard comes up behind Leo.)
Past Phoebe: Behind you!
(The guard pushes Leo away. Leo grabs a sword off the wall and starts sword fighting with the guard. The guard trips Leo.)
Paige: Finally, one I remember.
(Leo and the guard continue to fight. Leo hits the guard and head butts him, knocking him out.)
Past Piper: Nice!
Past Phoebe: Wow.
(Leo goes over to the girls.)
Past Piper: Leo!
Past Phoebe: I thought you were a pacifist.
Past Leo: I didn't kill him, did I?
Past Piper: I gotta tell you, I find this side of you very sexy.
Past Leo: Really?
Past Piper: Yeah.
(They hear a noise.)
Past Leo: Paige.
Past Piper: Potion, potion.
(Past Piper, Past Phoebe and Past Leo run out of the room.)
Phoebe: Past Paige, remember? They're going to rescue you.
(Paige nods. They disappear.)
[Cut to the manor. Upstairs hallway. Phoebe and Paige appear. Kit runs past them and goes into the bathroom.]
Paige: Okay, if that warlock doesn't kill the cat soon, I will.
Phoebe: I'll get her.
(Phoebe walks into the bathroom. Scene from episode 3.17 "Pre-Witched". Past Piper and Past Leo are in the shower together.)
Past Piper: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Sorry, I didn't know you guys were in here. I'm not interrupting anything am I?
Past Piper: No... not yet.
Phoebe: Okay, that's good, that's really good.
Past Piper: Phoebe, would you just get outta here. And cover your eyes.
Phoebe: Oh. (She covers her eyes.) Sure, okay, getting out.
Past Piper: Hey, did you change your hair?
Phoebe: Me? No.
(Phoebe walks towards the door, eyes still covered.)
Piper: Watch out for...
(Phoebe runs into the door frame.)
Phoebe: Oh! Ow. I'm okay, I'm okay.
(Phoebe reaches behind her and closes the door on her way out. She walks over to Paige.)
Paige: Eh, that was a bit close.
(They disappear.)
[Cut to P3. Top of the stairs. Scene from episode 3.09 "Coyote Piper". Past Piper is dancing on top of the bar wearing black leather pants and red leather halter top. Phoebe and Paige walks down the stairs.]
Paige: Oh... my... god. I've never seen this side of Piper before.
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's Office. Dr. Berenson looks at Piper, speechless.]
Piper: Don't ask. Next memory.
[Cut to the manor. Toilet. Phoebe and Paige appear. They look around, confused. They hear Past Leo's voice on the other side of the closed door.]
[Cut to the bathroom. Scene from episode 3.01 "The Honeymoon's Over". Past Leo is talking into the mirror.]
Past Leo: Every time I see you, I love you even more. You're so beautiful. You're so special. I can't imagine my life without you. (Past Piper walks in.) Piper!
Past Piper: Leo, who are you talking to?
Past Leo: Me? Uh, nobody, just myself, you know.
Past Piper: Yourself? You were telling yourself how much you love you?
Past Leo: No, of course not. Uh, I mean, it's, it's not like that at all. Um, let's go downstairs and I'll explain.
Past Piper: Leo, what's the matter? Why are you acting so weird?
Past Leo: Can we go downstairs please?
Past Piper: No, why?
Past Leo: Okay, fine, um, here's good. Um, I've been thinking a lot actually about our situation.
Past Piper: Leo...
Past Leo: No, no, just let me finish. Um, I think I've come up with a solution, a way for us to be together no matter what they say. (Past Leo gets down on one knee and Past Piper's eyes widen. He takes Past Piper's hand.) Will you marry me?
[Cut to the toilet. Phoebe hears Kit hissing through the vent.]
Phoebe: Paige.
Paige: Wait, I wanna hear the answer.
Phoebe: We already know the answer for god's sakes. Kit's in trouble. Orb.
Paige: What if I can't?
Phoebe: Just try.
(Paige orbs out with Phoebe.)
[Cut to the attic. The warlock is on the floor kneeling over something. Paige orbs in with Phoebe. He turns around holding the bloodied knife.]
Warlock: Looks like curiosity just killed your cat.
(He blinks out. They see Kit lying on the floor with a knife wound on her side. Kit morphs into Katrina.)
[Cut to the living room. Present. Katrina is there. She doubles over in pain.]
Katrina: Ow. Ohh. (She looks at her arm and it starts to vanish.) Oh, no.
(Her other arm followed by her head and chest, and the rest of her body vanishes from the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Dr. Berenson's Office. Piper and Leo are now sitting close, holding hands.]
Dr. Berenson: It's easy for a couple over the years to lose sight of what brought them together in the first place. In your case, a very remarkable case I might add, it's probably even more important than it would be for most...
(Leo leans forward and touches his head.)
Leo: Ow.
Piper: What's the matter?
Leo: (quietly) Freeze him, hurry.
(Piper freezes Dr. Berenson. Leo stands up, touching his temples.)
Piper: What? Talk to me.
Leo: Something's gone terribly wrong. People are crying out in pain. Witches, they're all under attack.
Piper: What? Why?
Leo: I don't know why. We gotta get home, fast.
Phoebe's Voice: (in Piper's head) Piper?
Piper: No, wait.
Phoebe's Voice: (in Piper's head) Piper, can you hear me?
Piper: Phoebe?
[Cut to the manor. Past Attic. Phoebe is calling out.]
Phoebe: Piper, can you hear me? It's Phoebe.
Paige: Are you crazy? What are you doing?
Phoebe: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to contact Piper.
Paige: Yeah, but she'll hear you, she'll come running in and ruin our future.
Phoebe: Our future's already ruined unless she can somehow give us a second chance and let us replay her last memory.
Paige: Wait, are you talking about present day Piper?
Phoebe: Yeah, yeah. Why not? I mean, she dragged us into this spell, consciously or subconsciously, we might as well take advantage of it, right? Besides, if she really is reliving this, she ought to be able to hear me. Hm? Piper! It's your sister Phoebe. Now, I know you're having big problems because of this.
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's Office.]
Leo: You're kidding me? Your sisters are involved with this? Can we do nothing without them?
Piper: Shh! I'm trying to concentrate. Something about our last memory?
Leo: Last memory... The one where I proposed?
[Cut to the past toilet. Phoebe and Paige appear.]
Past Leo's Voice: Every time I see you, I love you even more.
Paige: It worked.
Phoebe: Okay, now orb.
(Paige orbs out with Phoebe.)
[Cut to the attic. Paige orbs in with Phoebe. Kit runs in. Paige pulls out the potion. The warlock runs in.]
Phoebe: Hey!
(The warlock stops.)
Paige: Remember us?
(Paige throws the potion at his feet. A thick cloud of smoke rises and smothers the warlock. He drops his knife and covers his eyes. Phoebe picks up the knife and stabs the warlock.)
Phoebe: What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
(The warlock bursts into flames and is vanquished. Paige goes over and picks up Kit.)
Paige: Alright, cat. Start talking.
[Cut to Dr. Berenson's Office.]
Leo: The cries are gone. Everything's back to normal.
Piper: Oh, no it's not. It's not until I reverse this spell. Even I don't want to be this close to my sisters.
(She starts to write a spell on a notepad.)
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe, Paige, Leo and Katrina are there sitting on the couch. Piper walks in carrying a tray of cups and a tea pot.]
Piper: Are you sure I can't get you anything? Coffee, tea, a saucer of milk?
(Phoebe laughs.)
Phoebe: Good one.
Katrina: No, I'm fine. (serious) Although I wouldn't mind some kibble, if you got some.
(Piper stares at Katrina. Katrina smiles.)
Piper: That's not funny.
Paige: It's a little funny.
Piper: No, see, you didn't live with her for three years. And by the way, what was with the scratching of my bed post? What was that?
Katrina: I had to keep my nails sharp.
Piper: Yeah, see, that's just very creepy.
(Piper sits on the couch.)
Leo: Well, at least we know how important she was as your familiar and how painful things could've been without her.
Phoebe: I'm just glad to finally know you are. I mean, it makes it easier to understand why you ran away. You know, as a cat.
Katrina: You didn't need me anymore. Once the Charmed Ones were reconstituted, it was time for me to move on.
Paige: Don't you mean moving up? You know, complete the evolutionary cycle and all.
Leo: Yeah, only special Familiars like Katrina are rewarded for their service by becoming human.
Katrina: To guide other Familiars. That's why the warlock was after me. Take out Familiars and you leave their witches defenceless, vulnerable.
Phoebe: Well, it's a good thing you got nine lives, that's all I have to say. Although, you're probably down to your last seven or eight, so...
Katrina: I'll watch my back. Well, I've gotta get going. I've got a hungry litter waiting for me. (She gets up and looks in Wyatt's bassinet.) You call me when he comes into his powers? (Piper nods.) Blessed be.
(She leaves. Phoebe and Paige get up and sit next to Piper.)
Paige: So, how are we doing?
Leo: We?
Piper: Oh, simmer down, honey. We, meaning Leo and I, are doing just fine, thank you very much. We did learn that we have some issues to work on. Like, somebody needs to get a life first.
Leo: And one of us needs to be a wife first.
Phoebe: Oh, easy on the rhyming, no more spells.
Piper: Gladly. (Piper gets up and walks over to Leo.) But the point is, we need to spend more time as a couple. (She puts her arm around Leo.) So that we don't forget.
Leo: Right.
(They hug. Phoebe and Paige get up and leave the room. They walk past the cabinet with the missing Bride and Groom figurine.) | Plan: A: marital problems; Q: What is the reason that Piper and Leo cast a spell to see their past together? A: a spell; Q: What does Piper cast to allow her and Leo to see their past together? A: the spell; Q: What goes awry when Phoebe and Paige are sent back in time to relive Piper's memories? A: Phoebe; Q: Who says to Paige "Well you always said you wanted to meet Prue"? A: ( Zachary Quinto; Q: Who is the warlock that Phoebe and Paige encounter? A: the Charmed Ones' familiar tags; Q: What does Zachary Quinto want to destroy? A: the ride; Q: What does Zachary Quinto tag along for? A: Piper's wedding; Q: Where is Prue briefly seen when Phoebe and Paige visit during Piper's memories? Summary: When Piper and Leo begin to have marital problems, Piper casts a spell to allow them to literally see their past together. However, the spell goes awry when Phoebe and Paige are sent back in time to relive Piper's memories, and a warlock ( Zachary Quinto ) bent on destroying the Charmed Ones' familiar tags along for the ride. Prue is briefly seen when Phoebe and Paige visit Piper's wedding during her memories. She is also seen during the time she was a dog with Phoebe saying to Paige 'Well you always said you wanted to meet Prue'. |
1.18 - The Third Lorelai
CUT TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE
[Lorelai, Rory and Grandma sitting at the dinner table]
GRANDMA: Everyone's awfully quiet tonight.
LORELAI: Sorry Mom, I'm just tired.
RORY: Me too - school.
LORELAI: Work.
RORY: Life.
LORELAI: Dig it man.
RORY: Peace out Humphrey.
GRANDMA: Mystery. [pause] Well this is just ridiculous. Three intelligent women sitting here in complete silence. There must be something to talk about. Do you know that every night at dinner, the Kennedy clan would sit around the table having lively debates about everything under the sun? They would quiz each other about current events, historical facts, intellectual trivia. Now the Gilmore clan is just as smart and worldly as the Kennedy's so come on - somebody - say something.
LORELAI: Do you know that butt models make $10,000 a day? [Rory chuckles]
GRANDMA: Camelot is truly dead.
GRANDPA: Emily!
GRANDMA: In here, just follow the crickets.
GRANDPA: I am sorry I'm late, but I come bearing wonderful news.
GRANDMA: Siri bring Mr. Gilmore a plate! [getting up and following him to his seat]
GRANDPA: I just got off the phone.
GRANDMA: Would you like to change first?
GRANDPA: No, no, no I'm fine. So I -
GRANDMA: Siri, Mr. Gilmore is hungry! [placing napkin in his lap]
GRANDPA: Emily, I am perfectly capable of putting a napkin on my lap.
GRANDMA: Alright I'm sorry. You were on the phone.
GRANDPA: Long distance.
LORELAI: God?
GRANDPA: London.
LORELAI: God lives in London?
GRANDPA: My mother lives in London.
LORELAI: Your mother is God?
GRANDPA: Lorelai.
LORELAI: So, God is a woman...
GRANDPA: Lorelai.
GRANDPA: And a relative, that's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.
GRANDPA: [to Rory] Make her stop.
RORY: Oh that I could.
GRANDMA: You spoke to your mother.
GRANDPA: Yes I did. She's fine, she sends her love and...she's coming to visit.
GRANDMA: What?
LORELAI: You're kidding?
GRANDMA: When?
RORY: I'm gonna get to meet my great-grandma?
GRANDPA: Lorelai I.
GRANDMA: When?
LORELAI: I was named after her.
RORY: I figured.
GRANDMA: Richard when?
GRANDPA: You're going to love her. My mother is brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
LORELAI: We share that also.
GRANDMA: I'm asking a question here, does no one hear me? Am I suddenly invisible?
GRANDPA: I'm sorry. What was the question?
GRANDMA: When is your mother arriving?
GRANDPA: A week from today. Rory, I'm telling you, it's going to be such a treat.
GRANDMA: Excuse me. [leaves]
LORELAI: I still can't get over that I'm related to God. It's gonna make getting Madonna tickets so much easier.
[Pan to basement]
LORELAI: Mom? Mom?
GRANDMA: It's just like that woman, no warnings, no discussions, then out of the blue I'm coming next week'.
LORELAI: What are you doing?
GRANDMA: I have to unpack these things.
LORELAI: What things? Excuse me boys [to statue of two dogs]
GRANDMA: I have to get out everything she's ever given us. 35 years worth of fish lamps and dog statues, lion tables and stupid naked angels with their...butts!
LORELAI: Whoa! Stupid naked angel butts? What did David Manic just stop by.
GRANDMA: Leave please.
LORELAI: Mom calm down.
GRANDMA: I can't calm down! That lamp shade is missing, the china is cracked and I can't remember which table it is that she gave us for our 10 year anniversary!
LORELAI: Mother, Grandma is a very old woman, I highly doubt that she's going to remember everything she ever bought you.
GRANDMA: She will remember down to the very last shrimp fork and do you know why?
LORELAI: No. [to dogs] Do you guys know why?
GRANDMA: Because she doesn't just give you a present, she gives' you a present and she tells you where to put it, how to use it, what it costs - for insurance purposes of course - and God forbid you should have a different opinion or you don't think it works in the space or you just get tired of waking up every morning with those horrifying animals staring at you!
LORELAI: [to dogs] She's just upset.
GRANDMA: Stop talking to the dogs!
LORELAI: Mom! You're freaking out. I've never seen you freak out before.
GRANDMA: Yes you have you were 12, it was the last time that horrible woman came to visit. [tries to pull a rug off a shelf.]
LORELAI: Do you want some help?
GRANDMA: No! [sighs] Please.
LORELAI: Where's it going?
GRANDMA: Third floor.
LORELAI: How about second floor?
GRANDMA: Third floor.
LORELAI: How about first floor on a ladder?
CUT TO INSIDE CAR
RORY: So tell me more about her.
LORELAI: I don't really know that much.
RORY: Well you know more than I do.
LORELAI: Well let's see. She moved to London when Grandpa died but she didn't like to travel so once a year Mom and Dad would go to visit her, usually leaving me behind, much to my relief by the way, and that's it. The rest I know from stories just like you.
RORY: Grandpa says I remind him of her.
LORELAI: That is the biggest compliment that can be wrenched out of Grumpy McFarlen believe me.
RORY: I hope she likes me.
LORELAI: She'll love you.
RORY: I hope she and Grandma get along.
LORELAI: She'll love you.
CUT TO CHILTON
[Paris, Madeline, Louise, Tristin, Rory and two other guys sitting in a circle working]
PARIS: I think that the basic structure of the Elizabethan government is relatively sound. The division of power between the monarchy, the privy council and the parliament all seem to work. Agreed?
MADELINE: Agreed.
LOUISE: Ditto.
PARIS: Ok, so in establishing our own government, I think duplicating a similar structure would be good, with a few alterations. Queen Elizabeth chose to remain unwed. She took on the burden of leadership all by herself at a time when possibly marrying the Prince of France or the King of Spain would solidify her thrown while expanding her empire. And though it obviously worked for her, and the concept of a woman ruling without man is certainly politically correct these days, I think we need to take a different tact. [in the background while Louise and Madeline talk] I think we need to devise a nation with a truly solidified royal alliance...
MADELINE: [over Paris] She does know this is a make belief government right?
LOUISE: [over Paris] You ask her, I'm afraid.
PARIS: [in foreground] So in addition to the different political branches, we'll also need a King and Queen. Rory, Tristin, what about you?
TRISTIN: Us?
RORY: Oh.
TRISTIN: No.
RORY: Yes, no.
PARIS: Why?
TRISTIN: Because..
RORY: I just don't want to be queen.
TRISTIN: Me either [pause] King - I don't want to be king.
RORY: What about you? You be queen.
PARIS: I'm going to be head of Parliament. I can't be queen.
RORY: Be both.
PARIS: I can't be both.
RORY: Why not? It's our government.
PARIS: It's not done that way.
RORY: It can be though, let's vote.
PARIS: Rory.
RORY: Henry VIII started a new church when the old one wouldn't allow divorce.
PARIS: He also cut off his wife's head. Is he still your role model?
RORY: I'm just saying we have the opportunity to make any kind of government we want here.
PARIS: Why won't you be queen?
MADELINE: I'll be queen.
RORY: There, make Madeline queen.
PARIS: Fine, you're queen, Tristin's king.
LOUISE: I'll be the lady-in-waiting. The one with the low-cut blue velvet renaissance dress.
PARIS: Lady-in-waiting is not a political office.
LOUISE: No but they get all the s*x.
PARIS: What?
LOUISE: Watch a movie.
PARIS: We are talking about government class not the movies. God why can't I get one person to care about this as much as I do?!
LOUISE: Ok fine. I'll be the head of the Quarter Sessions court, but I'm still wearing the dress. Happy?
PARIS: Out of my mind. Ok, so, I secured us the class room to work tomorrow and Sunday so that by Monday we'll be ready.
MADELINE: We're working all weekend?
LOUISE: You're kidding. [Bell rings]
PARIS: Take this. It's an outline for the entire system - point of methods, some basic laws and penalties plus some random ideas. Please be ready to discuss it tomorrow 9:00 in the morning, don't be late.
MADELINE: Wow, she designed the flag.
PARIS: [in the hallway] Question.
RORY: Ok.
PARIS: What's up with you and Tristin?
RORY: What do you mean?
PARIS: You just seem weird around each other.
RORY: Nope, no weirder than usual.
PARIS: I disagree.
RORY: You usually do.
PARIS: I just think it's strange that you don't wanna be queen.
RORY: You know, not all girls want to be queen Paris. Even Barbie ended up being a stewardess.
PARIS: Ok, if you say so. Read my manifesto, I want your thoughts.
RORY: First thought - lose the word manifesto'.
PARIS: Too cabin-in-the-woods?
RORY: Don't open your mail.
PARIS: Right. How about doctrine?
RORY: Better.
PARIS: Ok, see you tomorrow.
RORY: Bye. [realizes she left her notebook and heads back to the classroom. She runs into Tristin]
TRISTIN: Uh...you left this [handing her her notebook.]
RORY: Oh yeah I did. Thanks.
TRISTIN: Sure. [both try to go through the doorway together and backup]
RORY: Well, that could have been a potential Marx Brothers moment.
TRISTIN: You go first.
RORY: Ok. [starts to exit but then turns back] I think we need to talk.
TRISTIN: About what?
RORY: Tristin you know about what?
TRISTIN: No I don't.
RORY: Look, we have a lot of work ahead of us. We also have about two and a half years of being in the same school. I don't want things to be weird between us. Don't you think it'd be good to at least try to talk about this?
TRISTIN: Ok.
RORY: Good. [They both try to go through the doorway at the same time again] I'm gonna go first.
TRISTIN: Right [chuckles]
CUT TO INN
LORELAI: Ugh! It's still not working.
MICHEL: Well you did something wrong.
LORELAI: I didn't do anything wrong. I did the same thing I always do when I'm pulling up reservations for the upcoming month but nothing happened.
MICHEL: You typed in the name?
LORELAI: I typed in the name.
MICHEL: You clicked on the April 5?
LORELAI: I clicked on the April 5.
MICHEL: You double clicked on confirmation?
LORELAI: I double clicked.
MICHEL: Are you sure?
LORELAI: Yes I double clicked.
MICHEL: You clicked twice.
LORELAI: No I double clicked but I didn't click twice.
MICHEL: Because to successfully double click you must click twice.
LORELAI: I know what double click is.
MICHEL: Well apparently you do not or we wouldn't be having this conversation.
LORELAI: Ooh, I'm going to pinch you so hard right now.
MICHEL: Well I don't know what you have done!
LORELAI: Well - ah! [as Michel pushes her out of the way]
MICHEL: Well I can't fix it if you don't move.
LORELAI: I double clicked. [as Michel starts to type] Ooh, what's that?
MICHEL: What?
LORELAI: That flashy red thing [speaks at the same time as Michel] with an x' through it.
MICHEL: [speaks at the same time as Lorelai] I do not know.
LORELAI: Ooh, it happened when you pushed something funky.
MICHEL: I pushed nothing funky'.
LORELAI: You have the funk my friend. [phone rings] Independence Inn.
GRANDMA: I need the hat rack.
LORELAI: [whispers] The fish flies at night.
GRANDMA: What?
LORELAI: I don't know, who is this?
GRANDMA: This is your mother.
LORELAI: Oh well hi Mom, I didn't recognize your voice.
GRANDMA: I need the hat rack back.
LORELAI: What hat rack?
GRANDMA: The hat rack I gave you.
LORELAI: What hat rack?
GRANDMA: The hat rack I gave you for Christmas five years ago.
LORELAI: Uh, well...
GRANDMA: It's large, bronze with dragons or weasels - I don't know, some sort of lizard type animal that you hang your coats on.
LORELAI: Yes, yes, I remember it.
GRANDMA: Thank God. I need it back.
LORELAI: You need a Christmas present back?
GRANDMA: Temporarily.
LORELAI: Why Mom?
GRANDMA: I need it back because Richard's mother gave it to us and she'll notice if it's not there.
LORELAI: You gave me a used present?
GRANDMA: No, we never used it.
LORELAI: I can't believe it.
GRANDMA: You'll get it back.
LORELAI: You gave me a second hand present, like something you got at the junk store.
GRANDMA: You're being a little dramatic. It was still in the crate.
LORELAI: You actually went Huh, what should I get Lorelai this year. You know what, I can't be bothered. Let's give her something we don't want anymore.'
GRANDMA: You're not funny.
LORELAI: What would Miss Manners say about this?
GRANDMA: If she met your grandmother she'd understand. Now please, just bring the rack with you when you come tonight ok?
LORELAI: [sighing] Ok, sure.
GRANDMA: Thank you.
LORELAI: You're welcome. Bye.
CUT TO OUTSIDE CHILTON
TRISTIN: [sighs] So we're supposed to talk.
RORY: Yeah. Look about the other night.
TRISTIN: Look, I was upset over Summer.
RORY: Yes and I was upset over Dean.
TRISTIN: So, then it doesn't mean anything right?
RORY: Right.
TRISTIN: So then - right, so then that's it. We just chalk it up to a bad night.
RORY: Ok. I'm sorry I cried.
TRISTIN: No problem.
RORY: I swear it had nothing to do with the kiss.
TRISTIN: I kissed you, you cried. That had to do something with the kiss.
RORY: No, I cried because I was confused. Because I hadn't cried. I didn't cry because of the kiss. It was a nice kiss.
TRISTIN: Yeah?
RORY: Very nice. Not at all crying material.
TRISTIN: Really?
RORY: Absolutely.
TRISTIN: Wanna try it again?
RORY: Well I think someone's recovering from their heartbreak just fine.
TRISTIN: Yeah I'm all better. [small pause] I think I'm going to swear off girls for a while.
RORY: Ha!
TRISTIN: What?
RORY: Uh, sorry, nothing. You said you were going to swear off girls - it's funny.
TRISTIN: You don't think I can?
RORY: No I think you can, I just think it would be hard for you. It'd probably involve some kind of lock up facility, one of those Hannibal Lector masks.
TRISTIN: Ok yes, it would be hard but not impossible.
RORY: Maybe it's not so much swearing off all girls but swearing off a certain kind of girl.
TRISTIN: Meaning?
RORY: Meaning next time maybe you should pick a girl with a little more substance. You know, a girl who's smart and is driven and has ambition. You know like Paris.
TRISTIN: Are you serious?
RORY: Yeah why not? Paris is smart and cute and interesting and yes she does bring her own unique set of baggage into the mix.
TRISTIN: A matching set.
RORY: But she likes you. She's crazy about you. She thinks you're amazing.
TRISTIN: You want me to date Paris?
RORY: Just think about it.
TRISTIN: [exhales loudly] Me and Paris.
RORY: Louis, I think this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship.
TRISTIN: Who's Louis?
RORY: Just think. [leaves]
CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE.
LORELAI: [sighs] Come on, let's go.
RORY: Relax, I'm almost ready.
LORELAI: We're gonna be late.
RORY: No we're not.
LORELAI: Well it's Friday night and traffic's bad on Friday night.
RORY: Since when?
LORELAI: Since the beginning of time. Here let me do that. [puts on necklace for Rory]
RORY: What's up with you?
LORELAI: Nothing.
RORY: You've been ready and bugging me for almost an hour. Usually I have to drag you out of here kicking and screaming to go to dinner.
LORELAI: Now then.
RORY: You whine, you complain, you act like a child.
LORELAI: I do not.
RORY: I had to pay you five bucks once so you wouldn't go in sweats.
LORELAI: Make your point and make it fast, as we move quickly to the front door.
RORY: My point is that you are mean.
LORELAI: I am not mean.
RORY: You are. You want to go to dinner to see Grandma uncomfortable, that's mean.
LORELAI: Oh, ok, look. I will admit, I work very hard and sometimes I am a little tired come Friday night for the Gilmore family dinner. But I had a light day today and my grandmother who I have not seen for years is going to be there.
RORY: And it has nothing to do with the fact that Grandma hates Great-grandma?
LORELAI: Not at all.
RORY: And when you see Grandma miserable and uncomfortable you're going to be sad and sympathetic?
LORELAI: Not at all.
RORY: Mean.
LORELAI: I'm kidding.
RORY: I want you to be nice.
LORELAI: I will be nice.
RORY: And no outward reveling in someone else's pain.
LORELAI: I promise, internal reveling only.
RORY: Ok then, we can go.
LORELAI: Ok good. Oh wait [grabs a camera] So the internal reveling can continue for years to come.
RORY: Mean.
LORELAI: Ha!
CUT TO INSIDE CAR
[Lorelai starts to laugh to herself.]
RORY: Mean, mean, mean.
CUT TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE
[Lorelai and Rory are carrying the hat rack]
RORY: God, this thing weighs like a 1000 pounds.
LORELAI: I know, I know. Here, put down.
RORY: What are we doing?
LORELAI: Well, in case Gran comes to the door you know.
RORY: Good thinking.
LORELAI: I mean she's 80. The eyes have got to be gone right?
RORY: Let's just try to keep her inside the house.
LORELAI: Good thinking [knocks]
GRANDMA: Do you have it?
LORELAI: We got it.
GRANDMA: Hurry up, bring it in here.
LORELAI: Ah!
RORY: Sorry.
GRANDMA: Ok, quiet, be quiet.
LORELAI: Ok mom, thanks for the direction and all but, um, we need some help.
GRANDMA: Oh yeah sorry.
LORELAI: [to Rory] Careful honey.
GRANDMA: Watch it, watch your head. Get it over here. Ok yes, yeah I think that was about - no I think it was maybe a little more on the left. Oh God I should have put tape down.
LORELAI: Mom, you don't think that the coat rack could've moved a quarter of an inch in five years?
GRANDMA: Yeah you're right. That's it. Ok, put your coats on it.
LORELAI: How'd you get her in here without her noticing it wasn't there?
GRANDMA: Well I brought her in through the back way then I had Stella wax the floors, also she napped so that took up about an hour.
RORY: Where is she now?
GRANDMA: In the living room scratching the diamond pendant I bought her against a mirror.
LORELAI: So we shouldn't keep her waiting huh?
GRANDMA: No you're right, we shouldn't. Oh, heaven help me! [they head for the living room. Lorelai chuckles.]
RORY: Stop.
GRANDMA: Mom, look who's here?
TRIX: Who?
GRANDMA: Well, look.
TRIX: If I wanted to look, I would look. I haven't looked therefore you must draw your own conclusions. Ah, thank you, dear boy. [Grandpa gives her a drink]
GRANDPA: You're welcome Trix.
RORY: Trix?
LORELAI: Dad's pet name for Gran.
GRANDMA: Isn't it just darling?
LORELAI: Hi Gran.
TRIX: Lorelai.
LORELAI: Yes, it's so good to see you again.
GRANDPA: Trix, this is Rory. You haven't met her yet.
TRIX: No, I don't believe I have.
RORY: Hello.
TRIX: Come. I want to get a very good look at both of you. They're tall.
GRANDPA: Well yes they are.
TRIX: How's your health?
LORELAI: Oh, good.
RORY: Very healthy.
LORELAI: Mm-hmm.
TRIX: Good. That means that the majority of your blood is Gilmore blood. Gilmore's don't get sick. Am I right Richard?
GRANDPA: Oh we wouldn't dare Trix.
TRIX: That's right. Your mother is always sick.
GRANDMA: I'm hardly always sick.
TRIX: You're sick right now.
LORELAI: Are you sick now Mom?
GRANDMA: Headache.
TRIX: Gilmore's don't have headaches, our heads are perfect. You don't drink?
LORELAI: Uh, well...
TRIX: Emily, get this woman a drink.
GRANDPA: Oh I'll do it.
LORELAI: Oh thanks Dad. White wine.
GRANDMA: I'm going to go get the hors d'ouevres.
TRIX: So you're Rory.
RORY: Yes ma'am.
TRIX: My son speaks of you constantly. He seems very fond of you.
RORY: Oh well I'm very fond of him too.
GRANDPA: This little girl is as smart as a whip Mom. I think she has a great deal of you in her.
TRIX: Really?
GRANDPA: Mm-hmm.
TRIX: How nice. [Grandma enters with a tray of cheese] Is this cheese?
GRANDMA: Yes it is.
TRIX: Am I supposed to eat that cheese?
GRANDMA: Well only if you like.
GRANDPA: Emily, where are those spiced nuts that Trix likes so much?
GRANDMA: I'll get some.
TRIX: So Lorelai, since I've seen you last, you've grown up, gotten pregnant out of wedlock, raised a child and still haven't bothered to get married. Have I left anything out?
LORELAI: Well sometime in between growing up and getting pregnant, I got my ears pierced.
TRIX: I've always hated a scandal. However I've always appreciated self-sufficiency. Tell me, how do you support this child?
LORELAI: I run an inn.
TRIX: Hard work?
LORELAI: Yes it is.
TRIX: Good. Hard work is good for a woman - makes her stronger. I admire people who enjoy hard work.
GRANDMA: Here we go, spiced nuts.
TRIX: Thank you Emily. I suppose I can just put these nuts in my hand.
GRANDMA: I'll be right back.
LORELAI: So Gran, um, when was the last time I saw you?
TRIX: You were still in your teens, wild hair flying everywhere. I see you've taken care of that.
LORELAI: Yes, I joined a support group, bought a hair brush and just taking it one day at a time.
TRIX: That was a joke?
LORELAI: Yes it is.
TRIX: Very good.
LORELAI: Thank you.
GRANDMA: I have dishes and napkins.
TRIX: Good for you. Richard, I would like to be escorted into the dining room now.
GRANDPA: Your wish is my command.
GRANDMA: Well, uh, I'm not sure that dinner is ready just yet.
TRIX: Well perhaps our presence in the dining room will teach your help that when one is told dinner is at 7:00, people often expects dinner at 7:00.
GRANDMA: But it's only five after Mom.
TRIX: Only five after? Richard, in the even that I am kidnapped and a ransom is demanded at a certain time, I would prefer that Emily not be in charge of the drop off. [Lorelai and Rory get up and follow. Lorelai gives Emily a what can you do' shoulder shrug]
[Pan to later that evening.]
RORY: Grandma, this dinner's delicious.
TRIX: Very good young lady, well all believe you. Now, let's talk about your education. Where are you attending school?
RORY: Chilton.
GRANDPA: Rory is in the top ten percent of her class.
GRANDMA: We're very proud of our Rory. She's going to Harvard.
TRIX: Harvard?
RORY: Yes ma'am.
TRIX: Richard, how can you allow this girl to go to Harvard?!
GRANDPA: Now Trix -
TRIX: You're a Yale man, your father was a Yale man!
LORELAI: Well we want Rory to be whatever kind of man she wants to be.
TRIX: That's enough jokes for this evening Lorelai.
LORELAI: Sorry.
TRIX: Now if you don't mind my asking, Chilton is rather an expensive institution, I'm curious how the manager of an inn can afford such a luxury?
LORELAI: Ah well...
GRANDMA: We're helping Lorelai out a little.
GRANDPA: Yes, we've seen to it that Rory's education is taken care of.
LORELAI: But it's temporary. It's a loan. I plan to pay them back every cent. They know this.
TRIX: That's it, I'm done. Richard. Tomorrow, Rory, I shall plan the menu. When you've lived in Europe you learn a thing or two about food.
RORY: Oh, I can't. I'm studying tomorrow. I'm in a study group and our presentation is due on Monday
TRIX: Oh very well, your mother can tell you all about it.
LORELAI: I will, I promise.
GRANDMA: Won't you have dessert?
TRIX: I once traveled to a small village in Cambodia, I did not eat dessert there either.
CUT TO CHILTON
[Louise is laying across several desks with her eyes closed]
LOUISE: What time is it?
MADELINE: It's almost nine. Hey maybe I'll own a magazine some day. Then I'll get all my nail polish for free.
LOUISE: I'm going back to sleep. Tell Paris I hate her.
MADELINE: Ok.
PARIS: Hi.
MADELINE: Hey Paris. Louise hates you.
PARIS: You'll thank me when you get into Sarah Lawrence.
LOUISE: Wanna bet?
RORY: Hey.
MADELINE: Wow, did you bring coffee?
RORY: And doughnuts in the shape of clowns.
MADELINE: Hey they've got hats.
RORY: Well a clown just isn't a clown without a hat. [to Paris] Here is your decaf with soy milk.
PARIS: Thanks.
RORY: You're welcome. So I read your doctrine and I thing our imaginary kingdom is off to a pretty good start.
PARIS: Yeah?
RORY: Yeah. I mean the taxes are a little high and the landowner's power should be regulated a little more.
PARIS: It was a different time back then.
RORY: Yeah but the fundamental human needs were the same.
PARIS: We're supposed to set it up within -
LOUISE: Ding, ding, ding. No debating until I've had coffee.
MADELINE: And a clown.
TRISTIN: Ladies.
MADELINE: Hi Tristin.
RORY: Hey.
TRISTIN: Paris, can I talk to you for a sec?
LORELAI: Oh, sure ok.
LOUISE: And that is about what pray tell?
MADELINE: I don't know. The project - maybe?
LOUISE: They could've talked project here. It's something else. Something private.
MADELINE: Scandal.
LOUISE: Maybe. Though it is Paris.
MADELINE: Scandal lite.
LOUISE: All the taste, but much fewer calories.
MADELINE: We could spy.
RORY: Or we could wait for her to come back in to see if she wants us to know.
LOUISE: Those who simply wait for information to find them, spend a lot of time sitting by the phone. Those who go out and find it themselves, have something to say when it rings.
RORY: Nietzsche?
LOUISE: Dawson.
RORY: My next guess. [Paris comes back in.]
LOUISE: So, what was with the confab in the hallway?
MADELINE: We're dying here.
PARIS: Well, Tristin, he...asked me out.
MADELINE: No!
LOUISE: My, my, my.
MADELINE: Wow, this is amazing. God I'm jealous.
LOUISE: Details please. Don't leave out anything. We want every comma, apostrophe and ampersand.
PARIS: Well he just asked me out.
MADELINE: When?
PARIS: Tonight.
LOUISE: Hmm.
PARIS: What?
LOUISE: Nothing.
PARIS: No, you hmm'ed. Why did you hmm'?
LOUISE: Forget it.
PARIS: Louise tell me why you hmm'ed.
LOUISE: He asked you out for tonight.
MADELINE: Less than 24 hours notice.
PARIS: So? What does that mean?
LOUISE: Usually that someone else cancelled.
RORY: Or maybe he just got up the nerve to ask her out.
MADELINE: Maybe.
LOUISE: This is so amazing. I mean you are so far from Tristin's type.
MADELINE: So, so far.
LOUISE: Tristin usually likes his girls bad.
MADELINE: Looks like we're going to have to do the Pink Ladies makeover on you.
LOUISE: We'll turn you from a sweet Sandy to a sluty Sandy. Dancing at the school fair with high heels, black spandex and permed hair.
MADELINE: You can borrow my water bra.
PARIS: Excuse me?
MADELINE: My water bra. It's like a padded bra but it's filled with some sort of liquid so it moves.
PARIS: It moves?
MADELINE: Yeah.
PARIS: On it's own?
MADELINE: It makes you look natural.
PARIS: Great. Thanks, but I'll pass. Everyone come on, let's get to work.
RORY: I think you're gonna have a really good time.
PARIS: Yeah well, it's just a date right?
RORY: Oh, right.
PARIS: Ok, focus people.
RORY: Do you want one? [point at the clowns]
CUT TO GILMORE HOUSE
LORELAI: [running into the house and upstairs] Hi! Five minute talking break while I change. [upstairs] My day - big leak third floor, lots of things going squish that should not be squishing. Michel is not help. And now I'm late for dinner which by the way I'm completely bummed you're not coming to - [holding up shirts] which one - blue, black, good, bad?
RORY: Black.
LORELAI: Ok. Are you sure you can't come?
RORY: Yeah I'm sure. If I'm not prepared tomorrow, Paris is gonna have me sent to the Tower. Although if things go well tonight, I bet it'll help tomorrow.
LORELAI: Tonight?
RORY: Yeah, she's going out on a date with Tristin.
LORELAI: How'd that happen?
RORY: I did a little matchmaking.
LORELAI: [in Ricki Ricardo voice] Lucy, how many times have I told you not to butt into there people's business?
RORY: Never.
LORELAI: [normal voice] Good going.
RORY: That's all.
LORELAI: Alright, well I want details tomorrow now how do I look?
RORY: Beautiful.
LORELAI: [sighs] Ok. My five minutes are up. [grabbing shoes] Let's go. [going downstairs] There is money on the kitchen table and there's really good chocolate cake that I took out and defrosted for you specially this morning and call me if you need me and I'll be home early and what else?
RORY: Don't be mean to Grandma.
LORELAI: Yeah, yeah broken record. Ok, I'm gone.
RORY: Be good.
LORELAI: Bye.
RORY: Bye.
[Pan to later, Rory studying and eating cake. Knock]
PARIS: [holding clothes] I don't know what to wear.
RORY: Ever?
PARIS: On my date with Tristin. I'm not trendy girl ok? I don't haunt the boutiques hoping to find that one fabulous little top. I study and then I think about studying and then I study some more.
RORY: Do you want to come in?
PARIS: I only have one lipstick at home ok? And it's barely even a color. You put it on and it looks like you're not wearing anything which is why I liked it in the first place. But to date you need the fabulous little top and you need a lipstick that you can actually tell you're wearing.
RORY: Do you want to put that stuff down?
PARIS: You said once that if I ever needed to talk to anymore I could come talk to you.
RORY: Yes I did.
PARIS: Well here I am.
RORY: Ok, can I ask you a question?
PARIS: Ok.
RORY: Why didn't you go to Madeline or Louise about this? I mean they seem to get that fabulous little top' thing.
PARIS: Oh yeah that they get. The whole supportive You're going to be fine and not throw up 12 times on the way to his car' thing - that they don't get.
RORY: Ok, let's just see what you got.
PARIS: I brought everything just in case there was some sort of hidden potential in something that I just didn't see. So?
RORY: Well you'd be one well dressed widow.
PARIS: Forget it. I'm not going.
RORY: Yes you are. Come on now. This is your entire wardrobe?
PARIS: Yes.
RORY: Nothing's left at home.
PARIS: Nothing but my Chilton uniform and my bat mitzvah dress which has menorahs on the collar.
RORY: Ok let's think. Come on. [going upstairs]
PARIS: Where are you going?
RORY: to our one stop shopping store.
[Upstairs in Lorelai's room.]
PARIS: Is this your mother's room?
RORY: Yes it is.
PARIS: I can't wear your mother's clothes.
RORY: Yes you can, I do it all the time. What about this? [holding up pink blouse]
PARIS: My mother says the color pink makes my head look small.
RORY: Ok, no pink.
PARIS: This whole thing is so insane.
RORY: Why?
PARIS: Tristin asking me out? Why would he do that?
RORY: Why would he not do that?
PARIS: Because he's gorgeous and experienced and only dates those most likely to become a trophy wife.
RORY: Tristin would be lucky to go out with someone like you. He's not going to have to read the menu to you or explain that the dancing trash bins in the movie theatre previews aren't real. It's going to be much less stressful.
PARIS: All these years I've hoped this would happen and now it has and I feel...I don't know. I don't have a lot of experience in the dating department. I mean if you can't put it on your transcript what's the point right?
RORY: I know. Before Dean I'd never had a boyfriend. Or a kiss.
PARIS: Yeah.
RORY: I never even thought about dating.
PARIS: Then you met Dean.
RORY: Yeah. And he was so special and nice and made me completely nauseous.
PARIS: The best ones do.
RORY: I couldn't even talk around him.
PARIS: I saw you at the dance. You didn't seem to have any trouble talking. Or gazing annoyingly into each others eyes.
RORY: But that was after we'd been dating a little. After we started going out and spending time together, I don't know, it just kind of got easier. And then by the third date everything was perfect.
PARIS: Do you miss him a lot?
RORY: Yeah, a lot, a lot.
PARIS: Sorry.
RORY: Thanks. But tonight is not about me. Tonight is about you going out with Tristin in this outfit. What do you think?
PARIS: It's ok. [Rory gives her a look] It's great.
RORY: Put it on.
PARIS: Are you sure?
RORY: Yeah. Bathroom's down the hall and I'll get you a lipstick with some actual color in it.
PARIS: Ok. [throws her jacket on the bed and note cards fall out of it.]
RORY: Uh, Paris. What are these cards that fell out of your jacket?
PARIS: Oh yeah. Those are notes for tonight.
RORY: Notes?
PARIS: Yeah. Just some reference points really - you know subjects to bring up in case the conversation lags.
RORY: Well can I suggest that you leave this one about the Spanish Inquisition out?
PARIS: It's not very romantic?
RORY: Not really.
PARIS: Ok, I'm dressed.
RORY: How's it look?
PARIS: Bad.
RORY: Well I don't really trust your opinion on that subject so come out here please.
PARIS: Fine but it looks bad. [opens bathroom door]
RORY: You look great!
PARIS: I feel weird.
RORY: Well then weird works for you because you look amazing.
PARIS: Really? You're not just saying that?
RORY: I swear to God.
PARIS: Are you atheist?
RORY: Excuse me?
PARIS: Because that affects the validity of your swearing to God.
RORY: You look great. And I wouldn't tell you you did if you didn't.
PARIS: Ok, well if you think it looks ok.
RORY: I believe the word amazing' was used.
PARIS: Then I'll wear it. Thanks.
RORY: Anytime.
PARIS: I have to go.
RORY: Lipstick.
PARIS: You're going to hold this evening over my head for the rest of my life aren't you?
RORY: Probably.
PARIS: Bye.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE
TRIX: What did you think about the rabbit?
LORELAI: Oh, I thought it was wonderful.
TRIX: You know I brought it with me.
LORELAI: Excuse me?
TRIX: From London. London has the best game.
GRANDPA: Mm.
LORELAI: You brought it with you from London?
TRIX: Yes.
LORELAI: What, did you get it a seat?
GRANDMA: Dry ice.
LORELAI: Wow! That's inventive.
TRIX: Well it looks like we're finished here.
GRANDPA: Let's retire to the living room for a brandy.
TRIX: Yes. Lorelai, walk with me. I have something that I want to discuss with you.
LORELAI: Ok.
TRIX: I've been thinking about something I heard the other night.
LORELAI: What was that?
TRIX: That you borrowed money from your parents for Rory's school.
LORELAI: Well if you're worried about them getting the money back -
TRIX: You know Shakespeare once wrote Neither a borrower nor a lender be'. Do you consider Shakespeare a wise man?
LORELAI: Uh, sure, yeah.
GRANDMA: We certainly don't mind loaning Lorelai the money if that's what you're worried about.
GRANDPA: Certainly not. Rory is first priority in this house.
TRIX: I'm not concerned about whether you mind or not. Loaning money is a dirty business. It's distasteful and I don't care for it. As you know, I came into town to check up on the family investments and to talk with our lawyers. I have some things to put in order, and one of them is setting up a trust fund for Rory.
LORELAI: Wh - that's amazing. Really?
TRIX: Now normally I would set up a fund that she would have access to when she's 25. However, considering the situation, if you like, I will arrange for her to get it now.
LORELAI: Now?!
GRANDMA: Now?!
TRIX: That way she can use it to pay for Chilton.
LORELAI: Oh Gran, I don't know what to say, that is so generous of you.
GRANDPA: My mother is a very special woman isn't she?
TRIX: You talk about me like I'm dead.
GRANDPA: Oh you're never going to die! You're too stubborn!
LORELAI: Gran this is - I don't know what to say.
TRIX: Nothing now would be preferable. I have arranged for you and your mother and I to have tea tomorrow before I leave. Say it then. Good night Emily.
GRANDMA: Good night.
GRANDPA: Well I'll just uh, walk mother upstairs and be right back.
LORELAI: Wow! That was quite a bomb she just dropped.
GRANDMA: It certainly was.
LORELAI: God! Um, I guess I should be going. Thanks for dinner Mom. I'll see you tomorrow. [leaves]
GRANDMA: Lorelai...[follows her to foyer] You're not honestly considering accepting that money are you?
LORELAI: Um yeah, of course I'm considering it.
GRANDMA: I don't think that's very wise.
LORELAI: Why not?
GRANDMA: Because she's a young girl. She won't know the first thing about managing that money.
LORELAI: Yeah, well, I'll help her.
GRANDMA: You don't know the first thing about managing that money either.
LORELAI: No, but I've very familiar with the second thing.
GRANDMA: How can you not see the pitfalls in accepting that money?
LORELAI: Mom.
GRANDMA: I mean you're the one that brags about how special your relationship with Rory is. I'm stunned that you want to jeopardize it like this.
LORELAI: What are you talking about?
GRANDMA: Well you know as well as I do that money is freedom.
LORELAI: And?
GRANDMA: If Rory has that money she won't need you anymore.
LORELAI: I don't know Mom, she's 16. There's still a couple of ways I might come in handy, you know buying the beer that kind of stuff.
GRANDMA: Well I'm glad you thing losing your daughter is so funny.
LORELAI: Mom.
GRANDMA: She'll be self sufficient, she won't need you to pay for anything, she won't have to turn to you.
LORELAI: Everything in a relationship isn't about money mom.
GRANDMA: She'll move out as soon as she can.
LORELAI: So what.
GRANDMA: She won't need your help to put her through college, she won't need you to buy a car.
LORELAI: Ok you know what? Say goodbye to Dad for me as soon as the voices in your head subside.
GRANDMA: Why should she wait to backpack around Europe with you? She could afford to go herself. And she could take a friend or a boyfriend or anyone.
LORELAI: Yeah well she wants to go with me.
GRANDMA: Well now of course she does she doesn't have options. But the minute you give her options...
LORELAI: Ok, that's it. You're nuts and I'm going - in that order. [leaves]
GRANDMA: It's terrible not to be needed. You'll see!
[Pan to Gilmore house, Lorelai walks in and goes into Rory's room to find her asleep. She takes away the books from Rory and covers her. She holds up a Harvard brochure and we see Rory's room has posters of places from Europe up.]
CUT TO STREET
[Sookie and Lorelai at flower shop]
SOOKIE: That is amazing!
LORELAI: I know. One minute it's pass the pot roast' the next minute it's hey, here's have a pile of money'. Things are never boring at the Gilmore house.
SOOKIE: What did Rory say when you told her?
LORELAI: I haven't told her yet.
SOOKIE: What?!
LORELAI: She was asleep when I got home.
SOOKIE: Hi, for that much money you wake her up! You hire a singing telegram! Women jump out of cakes! People dress up like bankers and dance around with those toasters!
LORELAI: Well she's been working her butt off all week on this Chilton paper, so I let her sleep and I'll tell her tonight.
SOOKIE: Call her now. Ooh, page her, or page her and have her call my cell phone and we can sing the money song from Cabaret'. You be Liza, I'll be Joel.
LORELAI: I don't know.
SOOKIE: Hey I'm Joel.
LORELAI: I don't want to bother her while she's at school. I can never decide, carnations tacky or trendy?
SOOKIE: You don't want to tell her.
LORELAI: Yeah I do. I think.
SOOKIE: Oh well I understand the hesitation.
LORELAI: You do?
SOOKIE: Absolutely. I mean who wants to be the bearer of good news. All that hugging and happiness - nightmare.
LORELAI: I was, I was thrilled when Gran told me about it and I was going to tell Rory about it right away.
SOOKIE: But?
LORELAI: My mother...
SOOKIE: Ah.
LORELAI: ...cornered me by the door saying all this stuff about how when Rory gets the money she's not going to need me and she's gonna move out of the house sooner.
SOOKIE: What? That's crazy!
LORELAI: I know it is, it's crazy and yet...
SOOKIE: Honey come on. The woman's just trying to mess with your mind, you know that.
LORELAI: I do.
SOOKIE: She just doesn't want to lose control of you. She wants you to be permanently obligated to her.
LORELAI: I know, I know that.
SOOKIE: So then what? You don't believe what she said do you?
LORELAI: I don't know. I mean you're right - what you're saying about she wants to mess with my mind and make me feel obligated but I mean, what if the money does change our relationship?
SOOKIE: Impossible.
LORELAI: Well anything's possible.
SOOKIE: Come on.
LORELAI: I couldn't stand that. I like things the way they are now.
SOOKIE: Lorelai, this is Rory we're talking about.
LORELAI: I know.
SOOKIE: She's like the most unmaterialistic kid in the world.
LORELAI: Not it's not about what she would buy. I don't care if she buys a house or a boat or the elephant man's bones. It's just that - you know, it's about the freedom. I mean if I had access to all that money as a kid I would have left the house so fast.
SOOKIE: Faster than 17?
LORELAI: No I mean - God I know this is crazy. I have my mother's voice stuck in my head. It's like that annoying Cranberries song. I hate that I let her do this! I have that I let her get to me!
SOOKIE: Well then don't let her. Call Rory and tell her about the money and you'll see that nothing will be any different.
LORELAI: I don't want her to go to Europe without me. That was going to be our thing.
SOOKIE: She's not going to go without you. I promise.
LORELAI: Hey - [looks at Sookie's watch] Aw! No! I've got to go home.
SOOKIE: Why? What are you doing?
LORELAI: I have to change and go to tea with Gran and the cast of Gaslight'.
SOOKIE: Wow, I'll see you later.
LORELAI: Bye.
CUT TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE
GRANDPA: You're hysterical, I can't talk to you when you're hysterical.
GRANDMA: Well you make me hysterical.
GRANDPA: I am tired of fighting about this.
GRANDMA: You have to got to get her to take that offer back.
GRANDPA: No.
GRANDMA: Richard Gilmore I have put up with a lot from this woman over the years...
GRANDPA: Keep your voice down.
GRANDMA: But this time she's gone too far!
GRANDPA: Emily please.
GRANDMA: I can go louder!
GRANDPA: If I do as you ask, I'll be insulting my mother. I will not do that.
GRANDMA: Now you listen to me. I don't care if she demeans me and looks down on me. I don't care if she thinks I've tarnished the Gilmore name. I don't care if she thinks I'm the whore of Babylon. I've long ago given up any hope of getting into her psychotic good graces, but that woman is horrible and selfish. And she's not going to get away with it. I won't let her.
GRANDPA: This is my mother you're talking about.
GRANDMA: Yes it is. Your mother, the one who stepped in without being asked and single-handedly wrecked everything!
GRANDPA: Emily, what is this about?
GRANDMA: She'll never come back here you know.
GRANDPA: Who? Mother, of course she will she -
GRANDMA: Lorelai.
GRANDPA: What?
GRANDMA: If she gets that money, Lorelai will never come back here. She won't have to.
TRIX: I've ordered a car, women shouldn't drive. Are you ready? [heads for the door]
GRANDMA: Yes I'm ready. [looks at Richard]
TRIX: I shall die soon you know!
CUT TO CHILTON
[Rory sitting outside classroom]
PARIS: Well aren't we early. Trying to suck up to Parliament?
RORY: Hey how'd it go last night?
PARIS: It went.
RORY: It went well?
PARIS: Well he picked me up. We went to dinner and a movie. I didn't use my note cards once and he kissed me good night.
RORY: Paris I'm so glad!
PARIS: It was a great kiss.
RORY: See? All that nervousness for nothing.
PARIS: Yeah. God this is so weird. I can't stop smiling.
RORY: Good, then it's a good time to talk about our over taxed peasants.
PARIS: Oh let them eat cake.
TRISTIN: [walking by them] Hey.
RORY: Don't look at me. I didn't kiss you.
[Paris follows him in.]
PARIS: Hi.
TRISTIN: Hey.
PARIS: I just wanted to tell you again that I had so much fun last night.
TRISTIN: Yeah, after five messages on my answering machine, I kinda got that impression.
PARIS: Too much, sorry.
TRISTIN: No forget it, it was cute.
PARIS: You know, maybe we could do it again sometime. I mean a different movie of course but the same basic plan.
TRISTIN: Absolutely.
PARIS: Great, because it was really fun.
TRISTIN: It was fun and we should do it again. I mean you know - as friends.
PARIS: Oh, yeah as friends. [disappointed]
TRISTIN: You noticed it too right? That we're sort of more friends material than dating material?
PARIS: Yes I did notice. I have excellent deductive skills.
TRISTIN: But hey, I'm glad we did it.
PARIS: Oh sure.
TRISTIN: When Rory first suggested us going out I thought the idea was crazy but she made some good points. We do have some history and well, you never know right?
PARIS: Yes you never know. Ok, so we're done here right?
TRISTIN: Uh sure.
PARIS: Great. Excuse me. [walks over to Rory who just entered classroom]
RORY: What?
PARIS: It was your idea?
RORY: Paris.
PARIS: So what, I get all your cast offs now?! I'm just that pathetic?! Jee I don't want them so maybe I can con the suckers into taking out Paris the loser'! Throw the dog a bone!
RORY: Ok let me -
PARIS: I am not your charity case!
RORY: No it's not like that, I swear. I just thought you guys would make a good couple that's all.
PARIS: We did make a good couple - for one night! But obviously we're more suited to just being friends or at least that was what was conveyed so humiliatingly to me just five seconds ago.
RORY: Paris, I'm sorry -
PARIS: I hate you! [storms out and Madeline and Louise who came in and caught the tail end follow her]
RORY: [goes up to Tristin] You told her?
TRISTIN: I didn't know it was a secret.
RORY: Why would you tell her? What is wrong with you?!
TRISTIN: Rory relax, we tried ok, it didn't work out, it's not big deal.
RORY: It's a huge deal to Paris and you didn't try. One date isn't trying.
TRISTIN: Rory -
RORY: You said you'd try.
TRISTIN: Hey, I'm sorry Paris is upset ok? But is it better that I keep dating her even thought I like somebody else?
RORY: Oh.
TRISTIN: Yeah.
RORY: I didn't realize. So...you're still not over Summer huh?
TRISTIN: [semi-sarcastically] Yeah, I'm not over Summer yet. [leaves, Rory looks confused or feels bad for him]
CUT TO TEA
LORELAI: Hi.
GRANDMA: Hello.
LORELAI: Where's Gran?
GRANDMA: Torturing the bathroom attendant I suppose.
LORELAI: Ah. So um, this place seems clean.
GRANDMA: Yes, it's famous for it's cleanliness. So what did Rory say when you told her? About the money I mean. She must have been very excited.
LORELAI: Yes she was. Rose tea. That's funny. That's not really tea is it? It's like rose petals in hot water. More like a bad floral arrangement.
GRANDMA: Well what did Rory say, fill me in?
LORELAI: She was happy.
GRANDMA: Happy?
LORELAI: Yeah - she screamed she did that air-lasso thing over her head.
GRANDMA: Lorelai be serious.
LORELAI: She was asleep when I got home Mom so I couldn't tell her.
GRANDMA: She doesn't know?
LORELAI: No.
GRANDMA: Well...something I said must've really struck a chord with you.
LORELAI: Excuse me?
GRANDMA: You didn't tell her so you must have had a reason.
LORELAI: Ah she was asleep Mom, I just told you that.
GRANDMA: The only thing I can think of is that you must have reconsidered based on our conversation.
LORELAI: I didn't reconsider.
GRANDMA: I mean yesterday you could hardly wait to get home to announce your great fortune to her. Today all you can talk about is rose petal tea.
LORELAI: Yes well, it's a little weird.
GRANDMA: And you haven't told her that now she has her own money to put herself through school, to go to Europe -
LORELAI: Stop right now. This is just like you to take something that should be great and twist it into something ugly. Why do you do that? What is wrong with you?
GRANDMA: There's nothing wrong with me.
LORELAI: Yes there is. There's something seriously wrong with you. You should be studied.
GRANDMA: I don't understand why you're getting so upset. I respect the decision that you made.
LORELAI: I made no decision.
GRANDMA: Whatever you say.
LORELAI: Ok, you know what? I'm going to call her and uh, tell her right now. [looks for her cell]
GRANDMA: No you're not.
LORELAI: Yes in fact I am. [moving phone around her]
GRANDMA: What are you doing?
LORELAI: The reception sucks in here.
GRANDMA: Stop it, you look like you're having a fit.
LORELAI: Ok, well I'm gonna go find a payphone. [gets up]
GRANDMA: [stopping her] You're grandmother will be back any second. Just have a sandwich.
LORELAI: Have a sandwich? That's what you have to say to me? Have a sandwich.
GRANDMA: Well what do you want me to say?
LORELAI: I want you to say that you are sorry you tried to talk me out of taking this money. That you realize that you're just being petty and controlling and mean and that you know there's no amount of money that can change the relationship Rory and I have. That's what I want you to say - say that.
GRANDMA: I will not.
LORELAI: Well say it Mom, or I'm finding a payphone.
TRIX: Lorelai - you're here.
LORELAI: Hi Gran.
TRIX: So have you ordered the tea yet?
GRANDMA: No not yet.
TRIX: Well good because I'm afraid I'm going to have to take my leave of you a little earlier than I had anticipated.
LORELAI: What, why?
TRIX: My train leaves tonight and I have a little last minute packing to do.
GRANDMA: Well I can help you with the packing.
TRIX: Plus I really don't wish to witness anymore of this ugly little fight you two seem to be having. Raising your voice during high tea, who ever heard of such a thing. It's like Fergi all over again.
LORELAI: Oh Gran please, I'm so sorry. We're done. Please don't leave.
TRIX: I can see now that offering that trust fund was a bad idea. After all, taking into account the maturity level of those involved, this large amount of money would probably not be safe.
LORELAI: No Gran, that isn't true. Rory is an incredibly mature kid.
TRIX: Oh I'm sure she is. It's you I'm worried about.
LORELAI: But -
TRIX:. [to Emily] And I'm sure she gets it from you.
GRANDMA: But -
TRIX: Tell Rory goodbye for me. You two are welcome to visit me in London anytime. Emily, please get my coat. I will meet you outside. [leaves]
LORELAI: Well you won.
GRANDMA: I did not win.
LORELAI: You didn't want me to take the money and I'm not taking the money. That's called winning.
GRANDMA: I'm sorry.
LORELAI: No you're not.
GRANDMA: Well...yes I am.
LORELAI: Forget it Mom, it's not big deal.
GRANDMA: No it is a big deal. Here Rory had this wonderful opportunity and we - and I...maybe I can talk to her.
LORELAI: Oh yes that'll work.
GRANDMA: Well I'll go to your father.
LORELAI: Mom...
GRANDMA: He can talk to her. He can fix it. I'll make him fix it. [takes out cell and dials] Ugh damn reception. Well I'll go to a payphone.
LORELAI: Mom, Mom, stay here.
GRANDMA: Yes but Chilton.
LORELAI: Rory can still go to Chilton unless you're rethinking our agreement.
GRANDMA: No, not at all. I'm not rethinking anything.
LORELAI: Ok then we're good.
GRANDMA: Are you sure?
LORELAI: We're good.
GRANDMA: Well I'd better get out there before she leaves me here.
LORELAI: I'm sure you'll be sorry to see her go.
GRANDMA: Oh yes, I don't know what I'll do with my self. We'll see you Friday?
LORELAI: See you Friday. [Emily turns to leave] Hey Mom?
GRANDMA: Yes? [turning back]
LORELAI: Can I ask you a favor.
GRANDMA: Anything, anything at all.
LORELAI: Don't make us take the coat rack back.
GRANDMA: Deal.
CUT TO BUS STOP
[Lorelai waiting, coffee in hand, as Rory gets off the bus.]
LORELAI: Hi.
RORY: Hey.
LORELAI: Here [giving her a coffee]
RORY: Thanks. I thought you were gonna have tea today.
LORELAI: Uh, we did, we finished.
RORY: Finished early.
LORELAI: Yeah well once you're done with those little sandwiches, there's not reason to pretend you like tea anymore.
RORY: Oh I totally understand. Listen there's something I have to tell you.
LORELAI: What?
RORY: I loaned Paris your black mini and there's a good chance you may never see it again.
LORELAI: Oh well there's something I have to tell you.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: You lost out on $250,000 dollars today.
RORY: What?!
[Lorelai nods as they walk down the street.] | Plan: A: Emily; Q: Who opposes Trix's offer to set up a trust fund for Rory? A: Trix; Q: Who is Richard's mother? A: Paris; Q: Who is outraged when she discovers that Tristan asked her for a date at Rory's urging? A: Lorelai; Q: Who does Emily fear she'll never see again? Summary: Emily becomes unhinged at the prospect of a visit from Richard's mother Trix; Paris is outraged when she discovers that Tristan asked her for a date at Rory's urging; fearing that she'll never see Lorelai again, Emily opposes Trix's offer to set up a trust fund for Rory. |
Surhumain
(1x03 : The New & Improved Carl Morrissey)
Written by IRA STEVEN BEHR Directed by HELEN SHAVER
**Previously on The 4400** Flashbacks to the pilot episode. Introductions of the characters and their sudden arrival **Present** Carl, one of the 4400, is working in the fishmongers section of a supermarket. A woman enters
Mrs Martino: What looks good today, Carl?
Carl: I have a white fish with your name on it, Mrs Martino.
Mrs Martino: When you were gone, in 18 months,I haven't got a decent piece of fish. You...you take care of me. You are such a sweetheart.
Carl: Oh, it's easy being nice to you.
Mrs Martino: Tell me, how does it feel to be back?
Carl: It's OK. It's good It's like I never left.
Boss: What do you think you're doing out there?
Carl: I was helping a customer.
Boss: Rosie can help a customer. Derek can help a customer. I told you to stock the display cases.
Carl: But I've known Mrs Martino since I was a kid.
Boss: And I'm supposed to care? Now, get that flounder on ice. Carl picks up his wife from outside a cinema.
Grace: So how'd it go today?
Grace: Slow as usual.It's the neighbourhood. It's not like it used to be.
Carl: It's not that bad.
Grace: It's gotten worse since you were away.
Carl: I don't see it.
Grace: You don't want to see it.
Carl: OK, I admit it. It's not like when we were kids.
Grace: No one cares about the place any more.There's no pride.There's no sense of community.
Carl: I didn't know you were so unhappy.
Grace: I'm not unhappy.I got you back, didn't I? I got nothing to complain about.
Carl: Yeah. She smells the fish on him
Grace: Oh.
Carl: Oh, I'm sorry. Fish smell.
Grace: I don't mind.
Carl: I'll hop in the shower as soon as we get back. Hey. Let's cut across the park.
Grace: The park? Nobody goes into Bradley Park. No.
Carl: Yeah? Sure they do. How do you think I got here?
Grace: It's not safe. There's nothing but lowlifes and junkies in there.
Carl: Grace, I5 years ago I proposed to you in this park.
Grace: I5 years ago I was a size 2 and you had your hair down to your shoulders.Things change. From now on, you take the long way around.
Carl: Grace, I just wish that you'd... Some boys are playing baseball in the street behind him. They bat the ball and it flies through the air at great speed. He can't see it, but his hand comes out and stops it, anyway.
Carl: ... Stop worrying. Marry me, Gracie.
Grace: Of course I will. One night Carl takes a short cut through the park. Some youths stop him
Youth 1: Yo, what are you doing in our park, man?
Carl: Your park?
Youth 2: Just give up your wallet.
Carl: You're mugging me?
Youth I: Now you're catching on. Seven bucks!
Carl: It's all I have. They attack him and he fights them easily, knocking both to the ground with great speed Titles Ryland, Tom and Diana are at Homeland Security watching Maia on tape
Ryland: The complaints started after her foster parents brought her back to quarantine last week.
Diana: What kind of complaints?
Ryland: Well, for instance, yesterday, Maia spoke to an employee in the cafeteria. She told her that her daughter would be in the hospital soon, but would be Ok.Then the little girl was in a car accident.
Diana: So you're saying what,she's got some kind of second sight?
Ryland: I have five stories just like that one.
Tom: Why hold a little girl for 60 years and then send her back able to predict the future?What were they thinking?
Diana: We don't know if there is a they.
Tom: He, she it, take your pick.
Ryland: Let's leave that for the team in the theory room.
Tom: When they're not playing video games.
Diana: That's why they're intimidated.They feel your hostility.
Tom: Good.
Ryland: I wouldn't worry too much about the big brains.Just talk to that girl. Tom and Diana leave Ryland's office Maia is drawing in an interview room, when Tom and Diana enter. Tom sit's at the table with her, while Diana stands by the window.
Tom: Thanks.
Maia: I never meant to scare anyone.
Tom: We know that, sweetie.But why did you say those things to Mrs Krause about her daughter?
Maia: Because they're true.
Tom: But how did you know?
Maia: I just do.
Tom: lf I asked you if it was going to rain next Sunday, would you know the answer?
Maia: Maybe.I don't know What's going to happen to me now?
Tom: The doctors here are going to take another look at you. Don't worry. lt won't hurt.
Maia: I don't believe you. It's gonna hurt, isn't it?
Diana: You might be uncomfortable some of the time, but mostly it's going to be boring.
Maia: Will you look in on me now and then?
Diana: Me?
Maia: To see that I'm all right.
Diana: Sure. Richard and Lily are looking at an apartment
Lily: It's expensive though.
Richard: Rental vouchers will cover it.
Landlord: So...do you have any questions?
Lily: The small bedroom, do you think it'll get too much light for a nursery?
Landlord: It's a northern exposure, so you should be all right. She turns to Richard
Lily: So, what do you think?
Richard: I like it.
Lily: Me, too.
Landlord: Is this your first baby?
Lily: Oh...we're not actually a couple.
Landlord: Oh, so it's just you and the baby.
Lily: No, it'll be the three of us. Richard looks at her in shock. He's from the I950's and a white woman and a black man living together was virtually unheard of and definitely not accepted.
Lily: Why not? You can't stay in that hotel forever. We can share this place. Unless you don't want to.
Richard: No. No, I'd like that.
Landlord: Great. I'll go do the paperwork. The landlord leaves the apartment.
Lily: I hope I didn't embarrass you.
Richard: No. It's..It's not that. I figure he wouldn't rent you the place if I was part of the deal.I know, Iknow. lt's not 1951 any more.Times have changed, but... Sometimes I'm just surprised at how much.
Lily: Good. It's settled, then? Lily looks around the room, which begins to warp and move
Lily: Oh, God.
Richard: Lily? Lily, what is it?
Lily: Oh.
Richard: Lily?
Lily: I don't feel so good.
Richard: You need to sit down. Shall I call a doctor?
Lily: No, no. No, let's just leave.
Richard: And go where?
Lily: Anywhere but here. Carl arrives home to find Grace waiting for him.
Grace: Carl, where have you been?
Carl: I got mugged.
Grace: Oh, God. Are you all right? Did they hurt you?
Carl: I didn't get hurt. They got hurt.
Grace: Who did?
Carl: I learned something important tonight.I'm a different man. Those aliens, or whoever took me, they did something.They took me. They changed me.They made me better.
Grace: First thing in the morning call the counsellor and make an appointment.
Carl: I don't have time for that. I've got things to do.
Grace: What kind of things?
Carl: The park, Gracie! I want to make it like it was before. People will bring their kids again.You and me, we can have our picnics at the old spot.
Grace: Carl, you're scaring me.
Carl: Wh.. There's nothing to be scared of, not any more. Tom and Linda have been called to the hospital. Linda is at Kyle's bedside holding his hand, when Tom enters the room.
Tom: Linda, any idea why Dr Mayhew wants to see us?
Linda: He didn't say.
Tom: So how have you been?
Linda: Good! My lawyer was asking if you'd signed those divorce papers yet.
Tom: I thought maybe if we had dinner one night...we could sign them together.
Linda: You mean make plans that you cancel at the last minute?
Tom: I'll bring the papers, we'll have a good meal, a couple of glasses of wine...
Linda: And a good cry.
Tom: That, too.
Linda: Stefano's?
Tom: Yeah. Where else? Dr Mayhew enters the room.
Dr Mayhew: Tom, Linda, thanks for coming in. I was reviewing Kyle's EEG read out and noticed something peculiar.
Tom: What now?
Dr Mayhew: Last Thursday he had a burst of increased brain activity. It was brief, no more than a few seconds.
Tom: That's good, isn't it?
Dr Mayhew: Technically, yes. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm gonna run some tests, see if I can find out what happened.
Linda: Tests!We've had three years of tests.
Dr Mayhew: I understand your frustration Linda, but we need to look into this. He leaves the room.
Linda: lt's a roller coaster, isn't it?
Tom: Never ends. Linda.So Stefano's, right? How does Thursday night sound, 730?
Linda: I'll be there. Tom goes outside and speaks to the someone at the nurse's station.
Tom: Dorothy.
Dorothy: Yeah.
Tom: Did anyone visit last Thursday night, besides his mother and me?
Dorothy: Let me check. Yes. He had one other visitor. Your nephew Shawn.
Tom: Shawn! Tom goes to Shawns school to confront him. He catches up with him outside.
Shawn: Yeah, I went and saw Kyle on Thursday night. He's my cousin.I wanted to see him. What about it?
Tom: Nothing happened there?
Shawn: I was only there for a couple of minutes.
Tom: So you saw nothing, did nothing?
Shawn: What could I have done?
Tom: At your welcome home party, a bird smacked into the window, remember?
Shawn: It was stunned. What about it?
Tom: No, it was more than that. And then...you picked it up. Suddenly, it was alive and well. What the hell did you do to Kyle?
Shawn: Argh! I didn't do anything to him. Look, I really like these little chats we have, Uncle Tommy, but I gotta go to class.
Tom: Shawn. We'll talk again.
Shawn: Oh, I can't wait. He begins to walk up the steps. Nikki and Danny run to catch up with him.
Nikki: A bunch of us are going to see Fountains Of Wayne this weekend.
Shawn: Have fun.
Nikki: You know, this whole loner thing is so tired.
Shawn: Well, it works for me. Shawn walks away and Danny turns to Nikki angrily.
Nikki: Fountains of Wayne...Friday night!
Danny: What is with you?Why do you keep pushing him?
Nikki: Someone has to. I don't see you doing anything.
Danny: I 'm giving him his space, let him figure things out for himself. You should try it sometime.
Nikki: Ugh! Diana and Tom go to the theory room at Homeland Security.
Diana: Marco.
Marco: Skouris. Good. I checked out your idea.
Tom: What idea?
Diana: So am I a genius or am I crazy?
Marco: We don't make that distinction in here. Anyway's, I visited a sampling of disappearance sites on the west coast, like you suggested. Turns out you were right. The gravity at those sites is weaker. But only by five parts per billion.
Diana: That's barely measurable.
Tom: Not to mention barely understandable. English, please.
Diana: The gravity changed at some of the places where people disappeared.The question is, was it natural or was it manipulated?
Marco: If it was manipulated, the question is, by who?
Diana: So back to the possibility of alien abductions?
Marco: I wouldn't rule out little green men, but obviously, I'm going to need to take more measurements.
Tom: So in other words,you've made no progress.
Marco: Er...you explain it to him. Oh, hold on! You remember Adam Kensington? The insurance guy Orson Bailey killed.
Tom: Yeah, what about him?
Marco: Not one of the good guys as it turns out. He was point man in an insurance scheme to defraud policy holders.Bailey saved Washington state a billion-dollar buy-out. Could have been Enron all over again.
Diana: God! That's interesting. Brings up all kinds of possibilities.
Marco: Well, er...don't be a stranger. They leave the room.
Tom: So this thing about Bailey. You're trying to say, whoever sent him back meant him to go after Kensington?
Diana: It's a theory. That's why they call it the theory room. Shawn is sitting on the garage floor playing guitar. Danny walks over to him.
Danny: That's tight.
Shawn: Oh, no. I suck.Hey, is this about the concert thing?
Danny: No, no, it's got nothing to do with that. I just want to know what's going on with you and Nikki.
Shawn: Me and Nikki what?
Danny: I just want to know what's going on between you two.
Shawn: What do you think's going on?
Danny: Something. She's always talking about you. Can't go anywhere without her wanting to bring you along.
Shawn: How's that my problem, Danny?
Danny: Just do me a favour. Leave her alone, ok?
Shawn: I thought that's what I'd been doing. Look, you got a problem with your girlfriend, go talk to her about it, ok?.
Danny: Yeah. We're the same age. I'm not your little brother now.
Shawn: Then stop acting like a two-year-old. You're my brother. She's your girlfriend. It's all good...right?
Danny: Yeah, right. Back at Lily and Richard's new apartment.
Lily: Richard, I am so glad I found this place. Now we have a new apartment, we can get you a computer.
Richard: Forget about the computer. Let's get you to a doctor.
Lily: I'm fine. I know this is going to sound strange, but that other place we looked at....the baby didn't like it.
Richard: Maternal instincts kicking in already, huh?
Lily: No, it's not that. It's that somehow. I know what the baby's thinking.
Richard: Lily, the baby's barely two months along.It's not thinking anything.
Lily: I can't explain it any more than you can explain where you've been for 50 years, or what's happened to us during the time we've been gone. I don't sound too strange, do I?
Richard: Of course not. She reaches up and kisses him. As she turns, she see's a couple. The woman has a baby in her arms and his rocking her.
Richard: Lily?
Lily: I used to rock Heidi like that when she was a baby. It feels like yesterday, but it wasn't, was it?
Richard: No.It was what...11 years ago?
Lily: I want to see Heidi. I miss her.
Richard: Lily, give it some time. Once Brian's used to you being back, he'll drop the restraining order. Carl is in bed with his wife, who is sleeping. He get's up and goes to the park. Kneeling down by a bench covered in graffiti, he begins to paint it, then moving onto graffiti covered walls. He hears a woman screaming. Some men are attempting to rape her.
Man: Don't move!
Woman: Stop it! Cut it out! lt isn't funny!
Man: Shut up! Just shut up! Grab her legs. Carl arrives.
Carl: Hey, guys, why don't you leave her alone?
Man: Get lost!
Carl: No! You get lost.
Man: Go get him, man! Come on! Two of the men rush at him, while a third runs away. The sounds of a fight can be heard offscreen. Diana walks into the examination room, to find Maia curled up on a table, alone.
Diana: Hey, Maia. How long have they left you like this?
Maia: A while. I think they all went on their coffee break.
Diana: Oh! Well! You know, that's pretty dumb of them, isn't it?
Maia: Will you stay until they come back?
Diana: Of course. When they show up, your doctors and I are going to have a little talk.
Maia: And then can l go home?
Diana: Home?
Maia: With you. I don't like being here alone.
Diana: You want to stay with me?
Maia: You don't like being alone either. I can always come back for my checkups. Please.
Diana: Look, Maia, l'm not even sure I'm the kind of person I want to live with. No, I...eat cold pizza for breakfast and...
Maia: That sounds all right to me.
Diana: Yeah. You know, Maia, just let me think about it, OK? She returns to her office, where she finds Tom waiting.
Tom: Where have you been?
Diana: I was looking in on Maia.
Tom: Really?
Diana: I promised her, didn't I? So what have you got?
Tom: Sid lent us his research clippings. I think I found something worth checking out. They go to see the female attempted rape victim, who is working behind the counter of a cafe.
Tom: One guy taking on three attackers doesn't sound that far-fetched. :
Female Victim: But if you saw him, you'd think it was impossible. He was...35, 40, maybe five-foot-six, weighed 150 pounds.
Diana: So not exactly the Rock, huh?
Female Victim: lt was the way that he moved.
Tom: Could he have been on drug, maybe PCP?
Female Victim: He didn't act like he was on drugs. You know, most guys would have walked away. Or, er...maybe called the cops later, after it was too late. But, er...this guy, he saved me. Tom's phone rings.
Tom: I'm sorry. [Into phone] Baldwin. Linda. Dinner. Yeah, no... Linda, l'm s... Don't hang up, Linda. Just... Linda has put the phone down. Tom turns back to the woman.
Diana: Anything else you can remember?
Female Victim: Just one thing. This guy...I don't mean to be rude or anything, but...he smelled funny. Like day-old fish. They walk outside the diner.
Diana: So that was your wife on the phone?
Tom: I don't wanna talk about it.
Diana: Fair enough.
Tom: So what, are we in Orson Bailey territory here?
Diana: I wouldn't rule it out, which would give us what? A telekinetic insurance salesman, a clairvoyant eight-year-old, and now some kind of sad sack super vigilante.
Tom: Hell of a trio.
Diana: They're only the ones we know about. Unless you can think of anyone else.
Tom: Just take it one case at a time. Lily is hiding outside her husbands home, watching through the window as Heidi does her homework.
Brian: Heidi, can you remember the formula for an isosceles triangle? Hey. I'm probably not the best at this, but... As Lily watches her daughter, the baby causes her some distress.
Lily: Oh! She knocks over a plant pot and Brian looks up. At some point she is arrested as in the next scene she phones Richard from the police station.
Lily: Richard?
Richard: Lily. Thank God. Are you all right? I was worried sick. Where are you?
Lily: I've been arrested.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Later at the fishmongers.
Mrs Martino: Carl, I have my grandchildren coming for dinner. How about some nice swordfish?
Carl: You can't go wrong with swordfish.
Burt: Carl!
Carl: Give me a second, Burt. You got like...
Burt: What did I tell you about chatting when work has to be done? He's poking him in the chest.
Carl: Please stop with the finger.
Burt: Stop? Carl grabs his hand and bends it.
Carl: I asked you not to do that.
Burt: Let go!
Carl: I mean it. I show up on time. l do my work. Now just leave me alone. Ok?
Burt: OK, OK. He turns to the woman.
Carl: So...how much swordfish are we talking here? Tom and Ryland are out having a coffee.
Ryland: I'm telling you Tom, there's a lot of chatter in DC about putting the 4400 back in quarantine. Not that I agree. I mean, if they're so dangerous, how is cramming them into one space going to be safer? He can see that Tom isn't listening.
Ryland: ...so l took my pistol and I shot her in the forehead.
Tom: Shot who?
Ryland: Do us a favour, Tom, sign the divorce papers.
Tom: Do me a favour, Dennis, stay out of it.
Ryland: I spoke to her.
Tom: What are you doing talking to Linda?
Ryland: I danced with her at your wedding, now I'm not supposed to talk to her?
Tom: I was in the middle of an investigation.
Ryland: Tom. You asked her for dinner and you stood her up.
Tom: It slipped my mind.
Ryland: Maybe.Maybe you just don't want to admit the truth to yourself. Richard approaches Brian as he leaves his house.
Richard: Brian Moore?
Brian: Yeah.
Richard: I'm Richard Tyler, a friend of Lily's.
Brian: You another one of those 4400?
Richard: Is that a problem?
Brian: Look, Itold her to stay away, but she wouldn't listen.
Richard: I understand you're upset, but Lily's in jail. You don't want that.
Brian: What l want is a normal life for my daughter, for my family.
Richard: It won't happen again.
Brian: I'm supposed to take your word for it?
Richard: I promise, if you drop the charges, she'll never bother you or Heidi ever again. You used to love her once, remember?
Brian: Yeah, I remember. Grace and Carl are arguing in their living room.
Grace: I want you to stop!
Carl: I can't!
Grace: What do you mean, can't? What you're doing is dangerous, not to mention illegal. You can't just go around beating people up.
Carl: I've been given an opportunity and l'm going to take it. I'll clean up that park and then I'll clean up the neighbourhood.
Grace: Oh, God, you sound like a crazy man. You promised me you'd call your counsellor.
Carl: I never said that. You said it.
Grace: Tomorrow, I'm going to call him.
Brian: You'd call Homeland Security on me?
Grace: The way you're acting, can you blame me?
Carl: What I'm doing here, I'm doing for us, Grace. This is where we live. I just want us to be happy and not be afraid any more, and it starts with Bradley Park! I don't want it to end there. It won't. I won't let it. They can't hurt me. No one can.
Grace: You're just one man. I lost you once and I don't want to lose you again.
Carl: I can do it. I can make this neighbourhood safe again. For you, for Mrs Martino...even Burt. So please stop worrying. This is what I was meant to do. This is my destiny.
Lily is released and finds Richard waiting for her outside. They hug and later dance to 'Mona Lisa' that's playing in the background.
Richard: This was brand new when l disappeared. And it's a... What do you call it?
Lily: Golden oldie.
Richard: I guess I'm a golden oldie, too.
Lily: No, not to me.
Richard: Hey, we have to talk about what happened last night.
Lily: No, there's nothing to talk about. Do you know what I saw when I looked through Brian's window? A happy family. I realised Heidi doesn't need me.
Richard: Maybe one day...
Lily: I'll be there for her if she does. But until then I'll stay away. This is where I want to be now, here with you. Where I'm happy. And the baby's happy.
Richard: Well, that makes three happy people.
Lily: All you've done for me....it's not because I remind you of the other Lily, is it?
Richard: Maybe at first. Now all I see is you. They kiss. Shawn is working on his car in the garage, when Nikki enters.
Shawn: Danny's inside.
Nikki: I'm not here to see Danny. She turns off the engine.
Shawn: Cute. Can you turn it back on, please?
Nikki: Did Danny say something to you? Is that why you're acting like his? Our friendship has nothing to do with him.
Shawn: Nikki, we don't have a friendship, OK?
Nikki: Shawn, listen to me... She touches the hot engine.
Nikki: Ah! Ah! Ah!
Shawn: Hey, hey, come here. Let me see it. Let me see. He rubs her hand and the burn disappears.
Nikki: It's gone. It doesn't hurt any more.
Shawn: It mustn't been that bad of a burn.
Nikki: Yes, it was. You did something to it, didn't you? They kiss. Tom signs the divorce petition whilst at work. Diana walks in.
Diana: Tom. See, the thing about vigilantes is that they're not very common, except in Charles Bronson movies, so l have to create my own profile. Now, we know he's a white male,slender, somewhere between 30 and 50. He works a blue-collar job, has low self-esteem, lives in a high-crime area.
Tom: I'm with you so far.
Diana: I cross-checked my profile with the members of the 4400 in and around the Seattle area and I came up with 37 names.
Tom: You're not taking me through all 37.
Diana: Of those 37, I was able to eliminate 24. I 'm sure you don't care how. And that left me with 13.
Tom: l'm on the edge of my seat.
Diana: Here are my two favourites - Robert Lorenzano and Carl Morrissey. They both fit the profile, but Carl, he's our guy. Check out his occupation.
Tom: Supermarket employee.
Diana: Yeah, I called the store. Carl works in the seafood section.
Tom: And our guy smelled like day-old fish.
Diana: Oh, yeah. l'm good. It's night and Carl is walking through the park when he spots a man spraying graffiti.
Carl: Hey! What the hell are you doing? I just cleaned that! The man throws the can of paint and attacks him. Carl easily fells him to the ground. He turns to some others.
Carl: Come on! Meanwhile, Tom and Diana go to his home.
Tom: We'd like to talk to your husband.
Grace: Why?
Tom: Any idea where he was Tuesday night?
Grace: He was here.
Tom: You sure about that?
Grace: I just told you.
Diana: Have you heard of the 'Bradley Park vigilante'?
Grace: What does that have to do with Carl?
Tom: You tell us, Mrs Morrissey.
Grace: You're not going to throw him back into quarantine, are you?
Tom: We want to help him.
Grace: That's funny. That's all Carl wants to do is help. People grumble but nobody does anything, nobody tries to make anything better, except Carl.
Tom: Where is he, Mrs Morrissey? She takes them to the park, where they find him sat on a bench with a large bleeding wound in his abdomen.
Grace: Carl.
Carl: Grace. I got rid of all the graffiti.
Grace: Oh, my God, Carl.
Carl: You should have seen it. They were falling like bowling pins. I didn't see the knife. I don't know why l didn't see the knife. Tom get's on the phone.
Tom: This is Agent Baldwin... Get an ambulance to Bradley Park right away.
Carl: I thought I could clean the whole neighbourhood up myself.I thought that's why they sent me back, but I guess I was wrong.
Grace: No, no, no, no! No, don't leave me, Carl. Please. He's dying.
Grace: No! No! I just want you. I just...want you. Carl is dead.
Grace: No. The next morning, Tom and Diana sit by a statue in the park.
Tom: Why take this guy, give him extra juice to think he can make a difference, send him back...
Diana: Only to get himself killed. What's the point?
Tom: I wish to hell l knew.
New's Reporter: The wife of slain Bradley Park vigilante, Carl Morrissey, revealed that her husband was one of the controversial 4400. Mrs Morrissey stated that her husband was a true neighbourhood hero, a sentiment echoed by many area residents. Law enforcement officials and a spokesperson for the National Threat Assessment Command refused to confirm or deny Mrs Morrissey's statement. People from the neighbourhood take action and begin to clean up the park in honour of Carl. Diana decides to let Maia live with her.
Doctor: That paperwork. OK. I need you to sign there. And there.And initial here. And sign there.
Diana: That's it?
Doctor: You got Mr Ryland to sign the approvals, that simplifies things. She enters the room.
Maia: l thought you were one of the doctors.
Diana: Yeah. I thought you were asleep. So you sure fooled me. How would you like to get out of here?
Maia: Now?
Diana: Right now. Maia's case is already packed and she's dressed. It appears she already knew that Diana was on her way. Tom rushes through the corridor at the hospital.
Tom: Look out, look out, look out! He enters Kyle's room and finds Linda sat by the bed, which is empty.
Tom: Where's Kyle?
Linda: Surgery. Dr Mayhew said he's got some kind of fluid building up in his skull. They're trying to relieve the pressure.
Tom: What do you mean 'trying'?
Linda: They said that draining the fluid might not be enough. That more might build up and if it does, then Kyle could suffer permanent brain damage within a week. Danny and Shawn appear in the doorway
Danny: Uncle Tommy, Mom's on the way.
Tom raises his head and he and Shawn look at each other. To be continued | Plan: A: Diana; Q: Along with Tom, who is tasked with investigating Oliver Knox? A: Oliver Knox; Q: Who is using his ability to influence men to murder women? A: the public; Q: Who is the list of 4400s leaked to? A: Kyle; Q: Who wakes up from a coma after Shawn uses his ability on him? Summary: Tom and Diana are tasked with investigating Oliver Knox who is using his ability of suggestion to influence men to murder women. A list of 4400s is leaked to the public. Kyle awakens from his coma after Shawn uses his ability on him. |
Clarke: I was born in space. I've never felt the sun on my face, or breathed real air, or floated in the water. None of us have. For three generations, the Ark has kept what's left of the human race alive, but now our home is dying, and we are the last hope of mankind. A hundred prisoners sent on a desperate mission to the ground. Each of us is here because we broke the law. On the ground, there is no law. All we have to do is survive. But we will be tested, by the Earth, by the secrets it hides, and most of all, by each other.
Bellamy: Previously on The 100...
Guard: Prisoner three nineteen, take off the watch.
Clarke: No. It was my father's. Mom?
Abby: You're being sent to the ground.
Wells: Clarke, I'm sorry I got your father arrested.
Clarke: They didn't arrest my father, Wells. They executed him.
Bellamy: Atom, my sister doesn't leave this camp. Anyone who touches her, they answer to me. Atom.
Clarke: Jasper was hit. They took him. He's alive.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback - the Ark, "One year ago" ]
( Crowd cheers and the announcer speaking indistinctly on TV )
Jake: There we go. There we go! Feel that? Feel that? See that? Here comes the momentum change.
Wells: Defense.
Jaha: The defense is there.
Jake: Serve it up. Yeah! Oh! Yeah! Ho! Right here, kid. They're unbeatable.
Clarke: Prepare for crushing defeat.
Wells: It's not over yet.
Clarke: Actually, it was over a hundred and forty seven years ago.
Jaha: A technicality.
Jake: Give it up. You're going down.
Abby: What'd I miss?
Jaha: Your husband and daughter being obnoxious.
Abby: Jake, you better play nice.
Wells: Come on, get down the field, fire.
Jake: Waste of time. Waste... hey, baby.
Abby: Hi. So, I ran into Bennett when I was leaving the clinic and he has that systems analysis that you asked for.
Wells: Ho-ho-ho-ho!
Clarke: This isn't gonna last.
Wells: What was that about momentum? Oh, oh, I feel the momentum.
Jake: Okay.
Abby: What? You're going now?
Jake: Just for a few minutes.
Jaha: Everything okay?
Jake: Oh, yeah. You know this old boat. It's always something.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback Ends ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Inside the Dropship ]
( JASPER moans in pain )
Clarke: His pulse is three eighty.
( JASPER continues moaning )
( Camp starts to grow restless as JASPER continues moaning )
Delinquent: Go back to sleep!
Delinquent: Quiet!
Clarke: Don't listen to them. You're gonna make it through this, okay? Promise.
Delinquent: Can he just die already?
Clarke: I'm gonna get clean water. Keep an eye on him.
( JASPER continues moaning )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Outside of the Dropship ]
( JASPER continues moaning )
( CLARKE hears a girl screaming and goes to find her )
Charlotte: No! No! No!
( CLARKE approaches girl and gently tries to wake her )
Clarke: Hey, wake up. It's okay. It's okay. It's just a dream. You're Charlotte, right? I'm Clarke. It's okay to be scared. Do you want to talk about it?
Charlotte: It's... my parents. They were floated and they... and I see it in my dreams and I just...
Clarke: I understand. My dad was floated, too. So, how did you end up here?
Charlotte: Well... we were taking my parents' things to the redistribution center and... I kind of lost it. They said I assaulted a guard.
Clarke: I can't say I blame you. See that bright star up there? That's The Ark orbiting above us. I think whatever happened up there, you know, the pain... maybe we can move past that now. Maybe being on the ground is our second chance.
Charlotte: Do you really believe that?
Clarke: I'm trying to.
( CLARKE holds CHARLOTTE close and tries to comfort her; CLARKE stares up at the Ark )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ In the woods at night ]
Trina: I think this is north. Come on.
Pascal: Really? Because we just came from that way, Miss I-Can-Navigate-With-The-Stars.
Trina: It's your fault we've been lost for two days. Never should've gone off by ourselves.
Pascal: Come on. We'll find the dropship tomorrow.
Trina: That's what you said last night. And I'm hungry.
Pascal: Trina, relax. We're fine.
Trina: Did you feel that?
( The two turn and see a large yellow fog coming at them )
Trina: What is that?
Pascal: I don't know. I don't know.
( The two back away from the coming fog )
( The fog is upon them )
Trina: Oh! I can't see!
Pascal: Let's get out of here.
Trina: Oh, my God, it burns! Aah! Aah!
( Both scream )
( Screen Fades to black, the 100 logo is shown )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The next morning with BELLAMY ]
( JASPER moans in the background as MURPHY tries to throw a knife and stick it in a tree )
Murphy: That damn kid, always messing with my head.
Bellamy: He's not gonna last much longer. Better think of a new excuse.
( BELLAMY shows off by throwing his axe into the tree and it sticks )
Bellamy: That's how it's done.
( ATOM and other members of BELLAMY's group approach )
Atom: We searched a half-mile all directions. No sign of Trina or Pascal.
Murphy: Visit your special tree when you were out there?
Bellamy: Atom took his punishment. Let it go.
Atom: Could be Grounders.
Murphy: Yeah, or they could be in pound town. Lot of that going around recently.
( JASPER continues to moan )
Atom: Look, Bellamy, people are scared, and that dying kid, he's not helping the morale around here.
Bellamy: Morale will go up when I find them more food.
Delinquent: And what do we say when they ask about Trina and Pascal?
Bellamy: Now? Nothing. It's possible they're just lost. We'll keep an eye out for them when we go hunting later.
Murphy: Let's go kill something.
Bellamy: You're not going.
( BELLAMY stops MURPHY from following )
Bellamy: I need you to stay here. If the Grounders are circling, we can't leave this place unprotected.
Murphy: Fine. Somebody better tell goggle boy to keep it shut.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Inside the Dropship ]
Clarke: The Grounders cauterized the wound. Saved his life.
Finn: Saved his life so they could string him up for live bait. Garden of Eden this ain't.
Clarke: This is infected. He could be septic. Any progress on using the wristbands to contact the Ark? Monty?
Monty: That would be a firm no.
Clarke: My mother would know what to do.
Wells: How's he doing?
Clarke: How does it look like he's doing, Wells?
Wells: Hey, I'm just trying to help.
( JASPER continues moaning )
Clarke: Right. You want to help? Hold him down.
Monty: I'm not gonna like this, am I?
( JASPER continues moaning )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ OCTAVIA approaches ATOM in the Dropship ]
Octavia: Hey. I could really use a break from this place. What do you say you and me take a trip to the butterfly field? Huh? Am I being too subtle?
( ATOM ignores OCTAVIA's advances and sharpens his weapon )
Octavia: Atom.
( ATOM continues to ignore OCTAVIA and sharpens his weapon )
( OCTAVIA leaves )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ BELLAMY talks with MURPHY ]
Bellamy: With weapons...
Octavia: What did you do to Atom?
( BELLAMY motions for MURPHY to leave so he does )
Bellamy: Atom's fine.
Octavia: Then why did he blow me off?
Bellamy: Maybe he's just not interested.
Octavia: You can't keep everyone away from me.
Bellamy: Atom had to learn. You disobey me, you pay the price. He paid the price. Now we're good.
Octavia: Now I'm paying the price. So, next time you decide to go on a power trip, leave me out of it.
Bellamy: Atom's fine.
Octavia: Then why did he blow me off?
( JASPER lets out a loud shout, which scares OCTAVIA )
( OCTAVIA leaves BELLAMY's tent, rushing for the Dropship )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Inside the Dropship ]
( JASPER screams louder )
Clarke: Hold him still. I need to cut away the infected flesh.
( OCTAVIA comes running in )
Octavia: Stop it! You're killing him.
Finn: She's trying to save his life.
( BELLAMY joins the group )
Bellamy: She can't.
( WELLS stands up to BELLAMY )
Wells: Back off.
Clarke: We didn't drag him through miles of woods just to let him die.
Bellamy: Kid's a goner. If you can't see that, you're deluded. He's making people crazy.
Clarke: Sorry if Jasper's an inconvenience to you, but this isn't the Ark. Down here, every life matters.
Bellamy: Take a look at him. He's a lost cause.
Clarke: Octavia, I've spent my whole life watching my mother heal people. If I say there's hope, there's hope.
Bellamy: This isn't about hope, it's about guts. You don't have the guts to make the hard choices. I do. He's been like this for three days. If he's not better by tomorrow, I'll kill him myself.
( BELLAMY turns to leave )
Bellamy: Octavia, let's go.
Octavia: I'm staying here.
( BELLAMY leaves )
Monty: Power-hungry, self-serving jackass. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. No offense.
Finn: Yeah. Bellamy is all that. But he also happens to be right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback - the Ark, in ABBY and JAKE's home ]
( ABBY stares out a window at Earth, a door opens, JAKE walks in and sits down )
Abby: How'd it go?
Jake: Hey. Well, I told Jaha it's definitive. The Ark's got a year of oxygen left, maybe two.
Abby: You'll fix it.
Jake: Not this time. I've tried, Abby. This isn't a glitch. It's a system failure. People need to know.
Abby: No. They'll panic.
Jake: You sound like Kane.
Abby: Because he's right.
Jake: No. We can't avoid the truth. We have to let everyone on the Ark put their minds to a solution.
Abby: What, and risk anarchy? No. It's too dangerous. Promise me that you'll obey the council's orders, that you'll keep it quiet. Promise me.
Jake: I can't.
Abby: For Clarke. Do it for Clarke.
Jake: I am doing this for Clarke.
Abby: They'll float you, Jake.
Jake: If you do this, I won't be able to stop it.
( CLARKE is shown listening in on her parents' conversation )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback ends ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Camp ]
Finn: You're mad.
Clarke: I'm not mad. You want to think Jasper's a lost cause, go ahead. You're wrong.
Finn: I hope I am.
( CLARKE plays with the red substance on JASPER's poultice )
Clarke: Whatever this stuff is, it has to have had antibiotic properties.
( WELLS approaches )
Wells: Let me take a look. Before you refuse my help, remember who aced botany in Earth Skills.
Clarke: The Grounders used it as a poultice. I'm thinking a tea might be even more effective if we can figure out what it is.
Wells: I know what it is. Seaweed. Look... no root structure.
Clarke: Right. Well, then there must be a water source nearby.
Wells: Yeah, it would have to have a slow current, lots of rocks. The water would probably be more red than green.
Finn: I know just the place.
Clarke: All right. Let's go.
Wells: Hey. I know what this stuff looks like. Do you?
( CLARKE, WELLS, and FINN walk through the woods to find the red seaweed )
Wells: You know, you should, uh, really rethink this whole hating me thing. It's not just the Grounders. We're surrounded by criminals. We need each other. We're gonna be friends again.
Clarke: You got my dad killed. Not possible.
Wells: This is Earth, Clarke. Anything's possible.
Finn: I'd let it go.
Wells: Yeah. Well, I've known Clarke her whole life better than you ever will, so, I'll decide when to let it go.
Finn: Yeah, I can tell you guys are close.
( FINN steps on something that makes a loud bang )
( FINN steps on it again and gets a loud bang, he then starts to uncover the object )
Clarke: What is it?
Finn: Uhh... Ha! It's an automobile.
Clarke: Come on, guys. This thing's been here a hundred years. All right? It can wait. Jasper can't.
( CLARKE turns away from the automobile and the boys, continuing on )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ In the woods with BELLAMY and the hunting party ]
( The boar oinks oblivious to the boys )
Bellamy: Shh.... She's mine.
( A twig snaps behind BELLAMY and the hunting party )
( BELLAMY throws his axe behind him, hitting a tree, narrowly missing a little girl who had stepped on the twig )
Delinquent: Get him!
( BELLAMY's hunting party goes after the boar, while BELLAMY looks at the little girl with ATOM at his side )
Bellamy: Who the hell are you?
Charlotte: Charlotte.
Bellamy: I almost killed you. Why aren't you back at camp?
Charlotte: Well, what with that guy who was dying, I just... I couldn't listen anymore.
Atom: There's Grounders out here. It's too dangerous for a little girl.
Charlotte: I'm not little.
Bellamy: Okay, then...
( BELLAMY pulls out a knife and hands it to CHARLOTTE )
Bellamy: But you can't hunt without a weapon. Ever killed something before?
( CHARLOTTE shakes her head, "no" in response )
Bellamy: Who knows? Maybe you're good at it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ By the river ]
Clarke: So, what does this seaweed look like?
Wells: Like that. Hey, that thing that bit Octavia, how big was it?
Finn: Big. We could rig this into some kind of a net. Find something to lower it into the water.
( CLARKE walks straight into the water )
Finn: Or we could just do that.
( CLARKE starts grabbing the red seaweed and then walks back to shore with it )
( A large flock of birds squawk in the distance and comes flying right for the group, they duck to avoid injury )
Wells: Let's get out of here.
( A horn bellows in the distance )
Clarke: Grounders?
Wells: It could be a war cry.
Finn: Or a warning.
( The group sees a large cloud of yellow fog )
Finn: What the hell is that?
Clarke: Run. Run!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback - the Ark, WELLS and CLARKE ]
Wells: You're up. Clarke.
Clarke: Sorry.
Wells: Well, if your strategy is to lose really fast, that was a great move. What's going on?
Clarke: Nothing.
Wells: You can talk to me.
Clarke: My dad found a problem with the oxygen system. I'm not supposed to know.
Wells: They've had other malfunctions. They always figure out a way to deal with it.
Clarke: No. This one might not be fixable. The council doesn't want anyone to know.
Wells: The council meaning my dad?
Clarke: Yeah. And my mom and others. I think he's gonna go public anyway.
Wells: Clarke, he can't. He'll get floated.
Clarke: I know. But what if he's right? Don't people deserve to know the truth? You can't tell your dad I told you. You can't tell anyone.
Wells: Your secret's safe with me. I promise.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback ends ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Running through the woods with CLARKE, FINN, and WELLS ]
( A horn bellows in the distance )
Finn: Clarke, run!
( The horn continues to bellow in the distance )
( WELLS and FINN start coughing )
( FINN opens up the automobile and everyone climbs inside )
Clarke: It's getting inside.
Finn: Seal any openings.
( FINN continues to cough as they seal the automobile )
( A horn continues to bellow in the distance )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ BELLAMY and the hunting party running in the woods ]
( BELLAMY and the hunting party run through the woods )
Bellamy: Come on! There are caves this way.
( A horn continues to bellow in the distance )
( BELLAMY and CHARLOTTE get separated from the others )
( BELLAMY reaches for CHARLOTTE )
( ATOM follows close behind but trips )
( A horn continues to bellow in the distance )
( The fog engulfs ATOM )
( A horn continues to bellow in the distance )
( BELLAMY and CHARLOTTE manage to find one of the caves )
Atom: Bellamy!
( BELLAMY starts coughing )
Atom: Bellamy!
( The fog forces BELLAMY into the cave, leaving ATOM outside )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Delinquents start filing into the Dropship ]
( Delinquents start coughing )
Monty: What's going on?
Delinquent: Air got thick, everybody's skin started burning.
Octavia: Monty, my brother's out there.
Monty: He'll be fine. We'll all be fine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Inside the automobile ]
( FINN cleans off the window and sees the fog outside )
Finn: It's still out there.
Clarke: Look, we should just make a run for it. Jasper can't wait much longer.
Finn: Us dying in a cloud of acid fog isn't gonna help Jasper.
( FINN jimmies the glove compartment on the automobile, it opens )
( FINN looks down to see his prize )
Clarke: Is that...
Finn: Booze. Hooch. Rotgut.
( FINN opens the bottle and drinks )
Clarke: Well, careful. Finn, it could be...
Finn: Whiskey, I think. Better than the moonshine on agro station.
( FINN offers the Whiskey to WELLS )
Wells: Alcohol's toxic.
Finn: This is Earth. Everything's toxic. Plus, it's a time-honored rite of passage.
Wells: We'll pass.
( CLARKE looks over at WELLS, angry that he spoke for her )
( CLARKE reaches over and grabs the bottle from FINN )
Clarke: Far be it for me to stand in the way of tradition.
( CLARKE drinks the Whiskey and coughs )
( CLARKE sighs )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Inside the cave with BELLAMY and CHARLOTTE ]
( BELLAMY lies on the ground sleeping while CHARLOTTE sleeps and has a nightmare )
Charlotte: No!
( BELLAMY awakes and tries to wake CHARLOTTE )
Bellamy: Charlotte, wake up.
Charlotte: I'm sorry.
Bellamy: Does it happen often?
( CHARLOTTE sighs, giving BELLAMY his answer )
Bellamy: What are you scared of? You know what? It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it.
Charlotte: But... I'm asleep.
Bellamy: Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you're awake, they won't be there to get you when you sleep.
Charlotte: Yeah, but... How?
Bellamy: You can't afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death, fear is death. Let me see that knife I gave you.
( CHARLOTTE hands over the knife )
( BELLAMY grips the knife tightly )
Bellamy: Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say, 'screw you. I'm not afraid.'
( BELLAMY hands the knife back to CHARLOTTE )
( CHARLOTTE grips it tightly with both hands )
( CHARLOTTE timidly repeats BELLAMY's words )
Charlotte: Screw you. I'm not afraid.
( BELLAMY gives CHARLOTTE a look, telling her she can do better )
( CHARLOTTE, with a little more confidence, repeats BELLAMY's words )
Charlotte: Screw you. I'm not afraid.
( BELLAMY smiles and gently pats CHARLOTTE )
Bellamy: Slay your demons, kid. Then you'll be able to sleep.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ In the automobile ]
( CLARKE drinks the Whiskey )
Clarke: It's been hours. Jasper...
Finn: Is in good hands. Octavia will take care of him.
Clarke: While we're on the subject, why is it that everyone thinks me wanting Jasper to not die is a bad thing? Like I'm such a downer. I can be fun. Yeah. You think I'm fun. Right?
Finn: Oh, yeah. Among other things.
Wells: You're fun. You remember that time...
( A drunk and upset CLARKE looks over at WELLS )
Clarke: Remember that time you betrayed me and got my father executed? Yeah, I remember. Where were we? Fun.
Finn: Yeah.
( CLARKE focuses her attention back on WELLS )
Clarke: Well, since you brought it up, and I didn't, because I don't want to talk about it, what were you thinking?
Wells: I made a mistake, Clarke.
( CLARKE's not satisfied with his answer )
Clarke: I made a mistake, Clarke.""
( CLARKE's close to tears )
Clarke: Not good enough.
( CLARKE grows angry at WELLS )
Clarke: You know, I bet you couldn't wait to run to daddy. Tell him everything so that he'd finally believe you were the perfect son he always wanted.
( WELLS gets angry with CLARKE )
Wells: What do you want me to say?!
Clarke: I want an explanation.
Wells: I can't give you one. I thought I could trust him.
Clarke: Well, I thought I could trust my best friend. Guess we were both wrong.
Wells: I'm still your friend.
Clarke: No, you're not. If you were my friend, you would walk out into that fog and never come back.
( FINN tries to calm things down )
Finn: Okay, how about we just... take it easy.
( FINN takes the Whiskey from CLARKE )
Clarke: I have no idea how to do that.
( WELLS takes the bottle from FINN, sniffs and then drinks )
Finn: So, we having fun yet?
( Silence befalls the three )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Inside the Dropship ]
( JASPER continues to moan in pain )
Delinquent: That kid's driving me crazy.
Delinquent: Can't take this much longer.
Delinquent: Someone needs to shut that kid up.
( JASPER continues to moan in pain )
( MURPHY, unable to sleep or take any more of JASPER's cries, decides to end JASPER himself )
Murphy: That's it. I'm ending this.
Delinquent: I heard Bellamy gave him till tomorrow.
Murphy: Yeah, well, Bellamy isn't here, is he? The kid's dying anyway. I'm just getting it over with.
( MURPHY gets up )
( MONTY races to and up the ladder first )
Monty: Murphy's going to kill Jasper!
( MONTY tries to close the hatch as MURPHY tries to enter )
( OCTAVIA runs over to help and begins kicking at MURPHY )
( MURPHY is forced back down, allowing them to close the hatch )
( MURPHY continues to try and force his way in while MONTY holds the hatch down )
Monty: The lock's on the other side.
Octavia: Don't let him in!
( OCTAVIA looks for something to lock the door )
Murphy: I'm gonna kill him, okay? Let me in! Let me in, Monty! Uhh!
( MONTY sits down on the hatch as MURPHY tries to open it )
( OCTAVIA tries to pull a pipe from the Dropship loose )
Monty: No rush. I'm fine here.
( The pipe comes loose )
Octavia: I got it! Move it!
Murphy: Both of you better open up this hatch right now!
( Screen Fades to black )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback - The Ark, JAKE and ABBY's home ]
( JAKE GRIFFIN records a message )
Jake: In this time of uncertainty, we will come together as a people. I'm telling you this because you must know the truth and because I want a future for my child and yours. Be strong.
Clarke: You're gonna disobey the council?
( CLARKE walks into the room )
( JAKE tries to hide the truth from CLARKE )
Clarke: Dad, I know. I heard you and mom.
Jake: Okay, you know. I've been thinking about this a long time. The people have a right to know. Your mother doesn't understand.
Clarke: What's the plan?
Jake: You don't need to know the plan.
Clarke: You're making a video, so, what? You're gonna break into the communications mainframe? Making you either suicidal or incredibly dumb.
Jake: Wow. You are picking a fine moment to start behaving like a typical teenager.
Clarke: I'm gonna help you.
Jake: No. No, Clarke, you're not.
( JAKE gets up from his chair and walks over to CLARKE )
Clarke: But I can...
Jake: Absolutely not. No. No, baby.
( JAKE hugs and comforts CLARKE )
( JAKE kisses CLARKE's cheek )
Jake: You get that stubborn streak from your mother, you know. One of many things I love about both of you.
( The door to the Griffin home is opened )
Guard: Jake Griffin, you're under arrest for treason.
Clarke: Dad? Dad?
( The guards arrest JAKE and pull him away from CLARKE )
Clarke: No, no, no, no.
( The guards restrain CLARKE )
Jake: Get your hands off of her.
Clarke: Let me go!
( The two guards let go of CLARKE and she hugs her father )
Jake: Ohh.
Clarke: I'll warn them. I'll find a way.
Jake: No, Clarke, no, listen to me. Do not... do not do that.
( Two guards restrain CLARKE as JAKE is pulled away )
Clarke: Get off of me! Let me go! Let me go! Dad! Dad!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback ends ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The automobile ]
( CLARKE opens up the automobile door )
Clarke: The fog's cleared. Come on. Let's go. Jasper's waiting.
( CLARKE, FINN, and WELLS walk through the forest )
( FINN approaches WELLS )
Finn: Last night was pretty intense. You and Clarke ever...
Wells: No. Not like that.
Finn: So, help me out. Your best friend tells you something fairly explosive. You seem like the type of guy that'd keep it to yourself.
Wells: You don't know me.
Finn: Why'd you do it?
Wells: I don't know. Why do you care?
Finn: You knew what the rules were on The Ark. You had to know her dad would get floated.
Wells: I made a choice. If she hates me for the rest of my life, I made the right choice, and that's all you have to know.
( WELLS walks away )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ BELLAMY and CHARLOTTE ]
( BELLAMY walks out of the cave with CHARLOTTE close behind )
Bellamy: It's all clear. Anybody out here? Jones?
Jones: We're here!
( BELLAMY and the others meet up )
Bellamy: Lost you in the stew. Where'd you go?
Jones: Made it to a cave down there.
Bellamy: The hell was that?
Jones: I don't know.
( BELLAMY looks over the group )
Bellamy: Where's Atom?
( JONES shrugs )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CLARKE, FINN, and WELLS ]
( FINN walks beside CLARKE )
Finn: Trapped in a hundred-year-old car by toxic fog. Whew. Last night was pretty... What's the word? Fun.
Clarke: It wasn't fun. It was irresponsible. We should've left the second the fog cleared.
Finn: Even if the fog cleared, we'd never make it back through these woods at night. You were kind of rough on Wells.
Clarke: Hardly.
Finn: He's a pretty straight-up guy. And he loves you. You know that, right? But every time your dad comes up, he won't give you a straight answer. Makes me think he's hiding something. So, I gotta ask you. How sure are you that Wells is the one who turned in your dad?
Clarke: A hundred percent. All right? He's the only one I told.
Finn: Is he the only one who knew?
( CHARLOTTE screams in the distance )
Clarke: Who was that?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CHARLOTTE screaming ]
Charlotte: Aah! Aah!
( ATOM lies on the ground seriously injured )
( BELLAMY comes running and finds CHARLOTTE staring at ATOM )
Bellamy: Son of a bitch. Atom.
( BELLAMY rushes to ATOM )
( BELLAMY looks over ATOM's wounds, unsure of how to help him )
Atom: Kill me. Kill me. Kill... me.
( ATOM gasps from pain and lack of oxygen )
( The others show up behind CHARLOTTE )
( BELLAMY stands back up )
( CHARLOTTE walks towards BELLAMY )
( ATOM begins to choke )
Atom: I... can't... breathe.
( CHARLOTTE reaches for the knife BELLAMY gave her )
( CHARLOTTE gives BELLAMY the knife )
Charlotte: Don't be afraid.
( BELLAMY looks up at the hunting party )
Bellamy: Go back to camp.
( The hunting party leaves )
Bellamy: Charlotte, you too.
( CHARLOTTE leaves )
( BELLAMY bends back down )
Atom: Kill... me. Bell...a...my... pl...ea..se.
( CLARKE approaches from behind )
( ATOM continues to choke )
( CLARKE walks over and kneels next to ATOM )
( ATOM notices CLARKE )
Atom: Plea...se.
Clarke: I heard screams.
Bellamy: Charlotte found him. I sent her back to camp.
( CLARKE inspects ATOM )
( CLARKE looks up at BELLAMY and shakes her head )
( BELLAMY looks down and nods )
( CLARKE takes a deep breath )
Clarke: Okay. I'm gonna help you, all right?
( CLARKE reaches over and runs her fingers through ATOM's hair and begins humming )
( BELLAMY looks over at CLARKE )
( CLARKE takes the knife from BELLAMY's hand )
( BELLAMY realizes CLARKE is going to do what he couldn't )
( CLARKE pierces ATOM's neck with the knife )
( BELLAMY looks up at CLARKE )
( CLARKE continues to hum )
( ATOM chokes on blood )
( BELLAMY doesn't take his eyes off CLARKE )
( ATOM dies )
( CLARKE continues to hum while BELLAMY watches )
( CHARLOTTE is shown to be watching in the distance )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Night time, Camp ]
( Indistinct camp chatter )
( Camp gate opens, FINN, WELLS, CLARKE, and BELLAMY return )
Clarke: We've gotta get to Jasper. I'll need boiled water to make the medicine.
( CLARKE and FINN leave )
( BELLAMY hauls ATOM's body into camp on a gurney )
Bellamy: Get Clarke whatever she needs.
Wells: I better go get this grave dug.
( WELLS leaves to dig ATOM's grave )
( OCTAVIA exits the Dropship and approaches CLARKE )
Octavia: It's about time. They're gonna kill Jasper. Did you get the medicine?
Clarke: Yeah. I... I got it. Come on. Let's go talk.
( CLARKE tries to pull OCTAVIA towards the Dropship )
( OCTAVIA ignores CLARKE and heads for BELLAMY )
Bellamy: Octavia, just stay there. Please, stay back.
( BELLAMY tries to stop OCTAVIA from seeing ATOM's body )
Octavia: Why?
( The siblings scuffle )
Octavia: Stop.
( OCTAVIA pushes BELLAMY's arm away and approaches ATOM )
( OCTAVIA lifts the jacket off of the body, revealing ATOM )
Octavia: Atom.
Bellamy: There's nothing I could do.
Octavia: Don't.
( OCTAVIA cries )
( OCTAVIA covers ATOM's face with the jacket )
( OCTAVIA gets up to leave )
( BELLAMY tries to explain )
Bellamy: O... O... please.
Octavia: Don't.
( OCTAVIA leaves )
( MURPHY approaches BELLAMY )
( BELLAMY sniffles )
Bellamy: Lose anyone here?
Murphy: No.
Bellamy: Jasper?
Murphy: Still breathing. Barely. I tried to take him out, but your psycho little sister...
( BELLAMY lunges at MURPHY and shoves him )
Murphy: Bellamy...
( BELLAMY pulls MURPHY, by the collar, to him )
Bellamy: My what? My what?
Murphy: Your little sister.
( MURPHY shoves BELLAMY off of him )
Bellamy: Yeah, that's right. My little sister. Got anything else you want to say about her?
( MURPHY, impassively, studies BELLAMY's face )
Murphy: Nothing. Sorry.
( BELLAMY, still angry, sizes up MURPHY )
( BELLAMY turns to JONES )
Bellamy: Get him out of here.
( BELLAMY gives one last glare at MURPHY before he leaves )
( ATOM's body is taken away )
( MURPHY, still angry with BELLAMY, flings his knife at a tree, finally getting it to stick )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Flashback - The Ark, JAKE ]
Jake: Hey, baby. You have to warn them, Abby.
Abigail: Oh, Jake, stop.
Jake: Oh, the Ark's dying. There's no choice.
Abby: Yes, there is. There's Earth. We'll at least have a chance.
Jake: Here. Hang on to that. And... give this to Clarke and tell her that I...
Clarke: Dad!
Jake: Clarke, you shouldn't be here, honey. You don't want to see this. It's okay.
( Crying )
Jake: It's okay. It's okay. Here. Keep that for me.
Abby: Jake, it's time.
( Kiss )
Jake: I love you, kid.
Clarke: I love you.
Jake: Okay.
Clarke: Oh, my God. [Crying] I'm so sorry.
Abby: Sweetheart, it's not your fault.
( Swallows )
Clarke: I'm really sorry about Atom.
Octavia: I guess we're gonna have to get used to people dying down here, aren't we? But not you. You hear me? You're not allowed to die.
Clarke: Wells? I know I probably don't deserve it, but I need to know the truth. It was my mom. Wasn't it? She's the one who told your dad. I didn't want to believe it. I... I couldn't. I blamed you because my father's dead and it's my mother's fault. Isn't it? Wells... Please. I knew how you would feel. I wanted to... to protect me. So, you let me hate you.
Wells: What are friends for?
Clarke: How can you forgive me?
Wells: This is already done.
( Crying )
Finn: Smooth. [Coughing]
Octavia: [Swallows] "Disgusting. Love it.
Jasper: Can I, uh, get a hit of that?
Octavia: Jasper!
Monty: Let's start with the soft stuff.
Finn: Welcome back, buddy.
Jasper: Was that a dream or did I get speared?
Clarke: You'll have a very impressive scar to prove it.
Jasper: My savior.
Clarke: Thank you for not dying. I don't think I could've taken that today.
Jasper: I'll try not to die tomorrow, too, if that's cool. Oh, hello.
( Crickets chirping )
Charlotte: Hi.
Wells: Couldn't sleep?
Charlotte: I never can. You on watch?
Wells: Join me.
Charlotte: I had a nightmare.
Wells: Hmm.
Charlotte: I... I have them every night. But... I think I found a way to make them stop. I'm sorry.
Wells: No! [Groaning] [Coughing] [Choking]
Charlotte: Every night, I see him. Your father. He kills my parents and... and I see his face and... and I wake up and I see yours. And the nightmare never ends. The only way to make it end was... was to slay my demons. I had to.
( CHARLOTTE humming ) | Plan: A: flashbacks; Q: In what part of the book does Clarke's father's story take place? A: Clarke's engineer father Jake; Q: Who discovers a life support problem with The Ark? A: the people; Q: What did Clarke's father threaten to tell about the Ark's problems? A: Jaha; Q: Who floated Clarke's father? A: the present; Q: In what time period does Clarke search for antibiotic seaweed to treat Jasper's infected wounds? A: antibiotic seaweed; Q: What do Clarke, Finn, and Wells search for to treat Jasper's infected wounds? A: Bellamy; Q: Who comforts Charlotte when she has a nightmare? A: a hunting group; Q: What does Bellamy assemble? A: 13-year-old; Q: How old is Charlotte? A: shelter; Q: What do Clarke, Finn, and Wells seek when a lethal acidic fog hits? A: his apparent part; Q: What does Clarke blame Wells for in her father's execution? A: treason; Q: What crime did Clarke's father intend to commit? A: refuge; Q: What do Bellamy and Charlotte take from the fog? A: the fog; Q: What causes one of the Ark's 100 to be burned to death? A: her father's death; Q: What does Clarke discover her mother's culpability in? A: Thelonious; Q: Who did Clarke's mother tell about her father's death? A: Bellamy's advice; Q: What did Charlotte misinterpret that led her to kill Wells? Summary: In flashbacks, Clarke's engineer father Jake discovers a life support problem with The Ark, is arrested for threatening to tell the people and " floated " by Jaha. In the present, Clarke, Finn, and Wells search for antibiotic seaweed to treat Jasper's infected wounds. Bellamy assembles a hunting group who are followed by Charlotte, a troubled 13-year-old whose parents were executed by Jaha. A lethal acidic fog hits, forcing Clarke, Finn, and Wells to seek shelter. The three talk, and Clarke berates Wells for his apparent part in her father's execution believing he told his father of Clarke's father's intent to commit treason. Bellamy and Charlotte take refuge from the fog; he comforts her when she has a nightmare. One of the 100 is fatally burned by the fog, forcing Clarke to mercy kill him; she subsequently succeeds in saving Jasper. Clarke discovers her mother's culpability in her father's death, learning that she actually told Thelonious, knowing her father would be floated. Clarke and Wells reconcile. Later, Charlotte's misinterpretation of Bellamy's advice leads her to kill Wells. |
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]
Ross: Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one student wrote, "I loved Dr. Geller's class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!"
Chandler: Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, there's a big selling calendar, eh?
Rachel: Who wrote it?
Ross: Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations are all anonymous.
Joey: Oh hey, do you still have their final exams?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: Oh, 'cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the same handwriting and boom, there's your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)
Chandler: A hot girl's at stake and all of the sudden he's Rain Man.
Rachel: Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we so sure that this is a girl?
Ross: It's a girl! Anyway, it wou-it wouldn't matter. Okay? Because I'm a teacher and she's a student.
Chandler: Oh, is that against the rules?
Ross: No, but it is frowned upon.
Chandler: I see.
Ross: Besides, there's a big age difference.
Joey: Oh, well think of it like this, when you're 90...
Ross: I know when I'm 90 she'll be like 80 and it won't seem like such a big difference.
Joey: No that's not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey Chandler! Y'know that girl you went to college with who-who became a movie director?
Chandler: Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class.
Phoebe: What's a Movement class?
Monica: It's Chandler's way of pretending he didn't take mime.
Joey: Oh well listen, anyway she's directing the new Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition!
Chandler: Oh, I don't know man. I haven't talked to her in like ten years.
Joey: No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you so much!
Chandler: You do owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four hundred...
Joey: Hey-hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the call or what?
Chandler: Oh okay, I'll-I'll try.
Joey: All right! Thanks! You're the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?
Chandler: Yeah so, Tuesday?
Joey: (angrily) Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this, the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?!
Chandler: (sarcastically) Thank you.
Joey: Okay.
Rachel: (entering from the bathroom) Hey Mon? I'm gonna check my messages.
Chandler: You just thought of that in there?
Monica: Yeah sure, nature called, she wanted to see who else did.
(Rachel dials her number.)
Rachel: (on phone) Hello? (Shocked that someone answered.) Uh, Rachel. (To the gang.) Great, someone is in our apartment. Call the cops!
Monica: You're on the phone!
Rachel: (on phone) Oh my God! Oh my God! Thank you! (Hangs up) That was the fire department, there was a fire at our place!
Phoebe: Oh my God! How bad was it?
Rachel: Well, he didn't say, but it was a fire. I'm guessing not very good. Come on, we gotta go!
Monica: Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)
Chandler: What are you smiling about? What is so funny?
Joey: The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!
[Scene: N.Y.U. Paleontology department, Ross is putting up the grades on the message board.]
Burt: (another professor) Wow! It looks like you were very generous with your grades this semester! (Ross frantically starts to change some as a female student, Elizabeth, approaches.)
Elizabeth: Professor Geller?
Ross: (startled) Yeah?
Elizabeth: I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your class.
Ross: Oh thank you. Thanks very much. (Leans up against the board and on a thumbtack.) Ow! (He pulls away.)
Elizabeth: Uh, I'm a little embarrassed about calling you a hottie on my evaluation...
Ross: That was you?
Elizabeth: Yeah. I felt a little weird about it. You're a teacher. I'm a student. But would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?
Ross: Oh I, I don't-I don't think that would be the best idea.
Elizabeth: Oh, because I was thinking, the semester's over; you're not my teacher anymore.
Ross: What time?
Elizabeth: (checks her grade) Oh, y'know what? Forget it, you already gave me an A.
Ross: Gotcha. (Starts to leave.)
Elizabeth: I'm kidding!
Ross: Oh! So-so seriously, what time?
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage. The fire department is still there.]
Phoebe: Coming through! (Has to dodge a fireman) Oh! Coming through! (Sees a cute one.) Oh! Hello! Hi! (Smiles then realizes) No! Right! Coming through!
(They start to look around seeing that the living room is undamaged.)
Monica: Oh well, it's not so bad.
Fireman #1: Yeah, most of the damage is pretty mostly contained in the bedrooms.
Phoebe: Oh!
Rachel: My God! (They both run into the bedrooms.)
Joey: (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this Thursday?
Fireman #1: Excuse me?
Monica: Joey! He's working! (To Chandler) You would look good in that.
(Phoebe and Rachel return)
Joey: Oh, how bad is it?
Phoebe: Oh, it's bad. It's really bad. The only thing in there that isn't burned is an ass. Which I do not remember buying!
Chandler: How's your room Rach?
Rachel: Everything's ruined. My bed. My clothes. Look at my favorite blue sweater. (Hold it up.)
Monica: Isn't that mine?
Rachel: Fine! I'm sorry for your loss! (Hands it back to her.)
Fireman #1: So uh, you're not gonna be able to live here for a while, you ladies have a place to stay?
Rachel: (stands up) Wow! Oh-okay, look pal, I am not in the mood to be hit on right now! But if you give me your number I will call you some other time.
Monica: (pulling Rachel back down) Yes, they can stay with us.
Chandler: Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?
Fireman #1: Well uh, do either of you smoke?
Phoebe: No, not usually. But yeah, I could use one right now.
Fireman #1: No-no-no, do you uh light candles? Burn incense?
Phoebe: Yes! I do! All the time! I love them! Oh my God! I did it! It's me! It's me! I burned down the house! I burned down the house!
Rachel: Okay Phoebe calm down, there's no need to place blame. Okay? (To the fireman) I warned her about those candles.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]
Chandler: God, it's great to catch up! I can't believe how long it's been!
Joey: Chandler, is that... (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler nods yes.)
Chandler: (on phone) Oh that's great! Good for you.
Joey: Hey-hey listen... (Chandler waves him away.)
Chandler: Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm... (Joey mimes throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!
Joey: When you're off the phone, do you wanna get a pizza?
Chandler: (on phone) Hi! I'm back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, we'll do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)
Joey: Hey listen, so when's-when's my audition? I mean I know it's Thursday, but what time?
(Monica enters.)
Chandler: Hi.
Monica: Hey!
Chandler: (To Joey) We didn't get to the audition. I'm gonna take her to coffee and then we'll do it then.
Joey: Ah-ha!
Monica: Wow! So, now you're going on a date with this girl?
Chandler: Honey, it is not a date! I haven't talked to her in ten years! You can't just call up somebody you haven't talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor. There are rules, y'know? You gotta, you got to put in some time.
Monica: You're right, I'm sorry. It's not like you're y'know, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
Chandler: No, we only went out once.
Monica: You dated her!
Chandler: Not once!
Monica: All right, well why don't I go out with an ex-boyfriend and do Joey a favor?!
Joey: Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey. (He turns around to see Chandler glaring at him.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is having coffee with Dana.]
Chandler: (laughs) Oh that's great, my friend Joey's in the movie business.
Dana: Y'know who I ran into from school? Howie.
Chandler: (giggles) My friend's name is Joey.
Dana: Apparently Howie's editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Y'know I-I-I haven't spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!
Chandler: Yeah, I've always hated that Howie.
Dana: No, no "How you doing?" Man, I mean not even a cup of coffee first!
Chandler: The nerve huh?
Dana: Yeah!
Chandler: Refill?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is about to debut Hotel Monica (formerly known as Rachel's Room) to Phoebe and Rachel.]
Monica: Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?
(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)
Rachel: Oh my God! It sure didn't look this way when I lived here.
Monica: I know! Now look, there's only one problem though. There's only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joey's.
Phoebe: Well, since the fire was kinda my fault I guess (To Rachel) you should get to stay here.
Rachel: Hey! Hey-hey, now this was no one's fault Pheebs. Okay? It was an accident.
Phoebe: Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.
Rachel: Okay! (She jumps on the bed.)
Monica: So Rach! You're the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, you'll just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. And I thought I would bring them to you, y'know, in bed. Oh, you have been through so much.
Rachel: I have.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is showing Phoebe around.]
Joey: This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And uh that's where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)
Phoebe: What's that smell?
Joey: I know! (Shrugs his shoulders.)
[Scene: A street, Ross is walking with Elizabeth on their date.]
Elizabeth: Oh please! It was such a big class! You never even noticed me!
Ross: What? Of course I did! You uh, you sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson.
Elizabeth: Who?
Ross: Oh uh, I had trouble remembering everyone's name, so I-I kinda came up with nicknames. Like the guy on the other side of you was Smelly von Brownshirt.
Elizabeth: Oh yeah. So umm, did you have a nickname for me?
Ross: Umm, no. No.
Elizabeth: Yes you did! What was it?
Ross: Umm, it's Cutie McPretty.
Elizabeth: Ohh that's so sweet!
Ross: Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-I'm having a great time! Y'know how before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I thought it would be too, but it's not. I mean it's not at all.
Burt: (exiting from a restaurant) Dr. Geller!
Ross: (pushing Elizabeth into a doorway) Burt!
[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are cleaning up the mess.]
Phoebe: So did you sleep well last night?
Rachel: I did.
Phoebe: Yeah?
Rachel: I did, Monica was so sweet she left a little mint on my pillow.
Phoebe: Y'know what Joey left on my pillow?
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Gum!
Fireman #2: Well, we determined the cause of the fire.
Phoebe: Yeah I know, it was my candle. My candle!
Fireman #2: No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. It's looks like a curling iron.
Phoebe: I don't use a curling iron.
Fireman #2: Well someone does.
(Phoebe looks at Rachel.)
Rachel: Well, don't look at me! My hair's straight! Straight! Straight! Straight!
Fireman #2: It could've been a hair straightener.
Rachel: Oh.
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is now showing Rachel around.]
Joey: This is where I keep the pizza. (It's the same location as before.) And-Hey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in it's spot.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is reading and Monica runs over and turns on the lamp behind Phoebe.]
Monica: Now there you go! I wouldn't want my best guest to strain her eyes!
Phoebe: Thanks Monica!
Monica: Does that smell bother you?
Phoebe: What the smell from Joey's? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
Monica: Well you let me know if you can, because y'know I can bake a pie to cover it.
Phoebe: I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
Monica: Okay!
Phoebe: Okay.
(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)
Monica: Hello? (Listens) Oh yes, one minute please. (To Phoebe) It's for you. It's the fire inspector.
Phoebe: Oh! (Takes the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Yeah this is Phoebe. (Listens) Really?!
[Cut to Joey's, he's on the phone.]
Joey: (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasn't the hair straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it was the candles. It's very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the first things they teach you in fire school is... (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh... Uhh... Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Ross is telling Monica and Joey about his date with Elizabeth.]
Ross: We had such a great time! She's-she's incredible! I thought the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasn't. It wasn't at all. Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.) (To Monica) A concept lost on some people!
Monica: So it's okay to date a student.
Ross: Well, not really. I mean technically it's-it's not against the rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.
Monica: Well Ross, you be careful now. You don't want to get a reputation as y'know Professor McNailshisstudents.
Ross: Yeah. What-what should I do?
Joey: Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean what's more important? What people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Monica: Joey that is so sweet.
(He turns his back to Monica and does the international sign for big boobies again.)
Chandler: (entering) Hey.
Joey: Hey-hey-hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a block of time open say Thursday?
Chandler: I couldn't do it.
Joey: You couldn't do it?!
Chandler: Hey, relax I just need more time. We're going to dinner tonight.
Monica: What?! You're going out with her again!
Ross: Going out with who?
Chandler: Uh, Dana Keystone from college.
Ross: Oh yeah! Wasn't she uh... (Does the international sign for big boobies.)
Chandler: No, that was Dana Caplin.
The Guys: Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)
Monica: Joey! You didn't even know her!
Joey: Ah whatever!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler is having dinner with Dana.]
Chandler: Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!
Dana: Y'know uh, actually I-I-I should get going.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no! Stay! Stay! Because you-you should you-you-you should stay!
Dana: Wow. Oh, I am really flattered, but I just I don't feel that way about you.
Chandler: Oh no-no-no, that's not-No-no-no!
Dana: I'm sorry Chandler, y'know you are such a sweet guy and I, I don't want to hurt you. Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel better.
Chandler: No-no-Really?!
Dana: Of course!
Chandler: (breaking up) Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh...
Dana: Ohh, I'm sorry.
Chandler: Well maybe there is one thing you can do.
Dana: What?! Anything! Anything!
Chandler: Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on Thursday?
Dana: Absolutely! But you-you would really feel better about me rejecting you if your actor friend can audition for my movie?
Chandler: Well, the heart wants what it wants. I'll see you later. (He runs off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)
[Scene: Hotel Monica, Phoebe is on the bed playing her guitar as Monica enters.]
Monica: Hey! How's it goin'?
Phoebe: Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes.
Monica: Yes it has! I made cookies!
Phoebe: Oh that's all right. I'm still full from your homemade potato chips.
Monica: But you should eat them now because they're hot from the oven.
Phoebe: Okay. (Reaches for one.)
Monica: (pulling the plate back) Oh-ho! But not in here! Can't eat 'em in bed, remember? No crumbies!
Phoebe: (gritting her teeth) Okay, I'll be out in a second.
Monica: Okay!
(Monica leaves and Phoebe closes the door behind her and tries to lock it.)
Monica: (opening the door) What are you doing?
Phoebe: That doesn't lock does it?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]
Rachel: Oh, Joey! Sorry!
Joey: No that's all right. Don't worry about it.
Rachel: Oh but look! That's gonna leave a stain!
Joey: Rach! Hey! It's fine! You're at Joey's!
Rachel: Really?
Joey: Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)
Rachel: I've never lived like this before.
Joey: I know.
(Rachel throws some of hers down.)
Joey: All right, don't waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and eats it.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Elizabeth are deciding what to do on their second date.]
Ross: What do you want to do now? Huh? You wanna go get a drink?
Elizabeth: Uhh, I can't.
Ross: Oh, you have some studying to do?
Elizabeth: No, I have some turning 21 to do.
Ross: Y'know I remember when uh, when I was in college, we used to... (He sees some of his colleagues enter and puts his head on her lap.)
Elizabeth: What are you doing?
Ross: Nothing, I'm-I'm just, I'm so comfortable with you!
Elizabeth: Do you not want to be seen with me?
Ross: What? No! Of course, of course I do! Are-are they gone?
Elizabeth: Uh no, they're still here but I think I'm about to leave.
Ross: What?! No! No! Wait! You're right, this is stupid. Who cares what people think? I mean, I mean we like each other right? There's nothing wrong with that. Come on. (They get up and go over to the table where his colleagues are sitting.) Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth.
Elizabeth: Hi!
Lydia: Aren't you in my Popular Culture class?
Ross: That's right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, we're dating. And you may frown upon that, but we're not gonna hide it anymore.
Mel: You are so fired.
Ross: What?
Burt: They're gonna fire you! You can't date a student! It's against the rules.
Ross: Really? Its not just frowned upon?
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are throwing huge spitballs at the entertainment center.]
Rachel: I love it at Joey's!
Joey: Hey, here you go. (Hands her another one.)
Chandler: (entering, sees Rachel's throw) Ni-hi-ice!
Rachel: Thanks!
Chandler: (To Joey) So, you busy Thursday?
Joey: Oh, very funny. I don't know if you remember, but my audition was supposed to be Thursday. (Chandler doesn't say anything until Joey figures it out.) You got me the audition?! Let's hug it up! (They hug.)
Chandler: Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
Phoebe: (entering) Hey! Hi!
Rachel: Hi!
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Listen umm, yeah okay, I need to talk to you!
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started the fire but I think I'm partly at fault. You see, I didn't, I didn't tell you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so y'know let's just face it, that's just kindling! So I think it's better that I stay at Joey's.
Rachel: No, no-no-no. Phoebe, this was my fault and besides y'know what? I'm fine here.
Phoebe: Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.
Chandler: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah she said something about crumbies.
Chandler: No! No! No! I was so careful! (Runs out.)
Phoebe: (To Rachel) Okay, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me crazy!
Joey: That's right, all the ladies want to stay at Joey's.
Rachel: No! No! Phoebe, come on! I don't want to switch! Please come on! I can throw wet paper towels here!
Phoebe: No but at Monica's you can eat cookies over the sink!
Rachel: I know. I'm sorry.
Phoebe: All right fine! This looks like so much fun. (Examining the bowl of wet paper towels.)
Joey: Yeah.
Phoebe: God, what a mess. (She grabs the bowl and heads for Monica's.)
[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is looking at his handbook. Elizabeth is also there.]
Ross: Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I can't date you or have a hot plate in my office. I can't believe we have to stop seeing each other.
Elizabeth: For what it's worth I did appreciate you standing up for me. It felt really nice. It kinda made me like you even more.
Ross: I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we can't date. It's against the rules. It's forbidden.
Elizabeth: Wow!
Ross: What?
Elizabeth: Just hearing you describe it as forbidden, it's really hot.
Ross: Really?
Elizabeth: Yeah.
Ross: Well I-I-I don't care how hot it is it's-it's uh, it's wrong.
Elizabeth: Stop it! (She starts to get all worked up.)
Ross: (feeling it too) No! No! It's wrong! It's-it's-it's naughty. It's taboo.
Elizabeth: Shut the book!
(They frantically start making out.)
Ross: Let's also get a hot plate!
(They start making out again.)
Ending Credits
[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is eating pizza as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Chandler: So?!
Joey: So?
Chandler: It's Thursday! How was the audition?!
Joey: Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what? Thurs-(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.) | Plan: A: Ross; Q: Who dates a student from his paleontology class? A: his career; Q: What does Ross fear he might lose by dating a student from his paleontology class? A: the friends; Q: Who does Ross's dating of a student from his paleontology class amuse? A: Phoebe; Q: Who gets the nicer room after Monica's apartment is repaired? A: Monica's plush new guestroom; Q: Where does Rachel initially stay while her apartment is being repaired? A: the nicer room; Q: What does Phoebe get when it is determined that Rachel's candles did not cause the fire? A: Joey's easygoing nature; Q: What does Rachel prefer about Joey? A: Monica's neat-freak ways; Q: What does Phoebe dislike about Monica? A: Chandler; Q: Who helps Joey get an audition for an Al Pacino movie? A: an upcoming Al Pacino movie; Q: What audition does Chandler help Joey get? Summary: Ross dates a student from his paleontology class, fearing it could jeopardize his career, but amusing the friends. Rachel's and Phoebe's apartment catches fire, causing them to move in with Monica and Joey while it is repaired. Rachel initially stays in Monica's plush new guestroom and Phoebe is with Joey. When it is determined that Phoebe's candles did not cause the fire but was actually Rachel's fault, the two switch so that Phoebe gets the nicer room. Rachel finds herself preferring Joey's easygoing nature while Phoebe chafes over Monica's neat-freak ways. Chandler helps Joey get an audition in an upcoming Al Pacino movie. |
[ indistinct conversations ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Raylan: The airport's a good 45 from here, but I figure you'll be all right if you leave in the next two minutes.
Well, correct me if I'm wrong, my friend, but you gave me till 2:15, right?
Raylan: Yeah. Now you have two minutes.
[ sighs ]
You know, I... I... I been coming here ever since I was a kid, ever since this was nothing but old Jews and old Cubans. And to tell you the truth, I love it here. I really do. I loved it then, and I love it now. So I'm not gonna leave, so have a meal with me, okay? You hungry? Um, I swear, you pass up... These are the best crab cakes in town, I swear to god, much better than that crap we were eating in Managua. Remember that? I don't know if that was Mexican, Puerto Rican. I don't know what it was, but it was crap. Remember? I hated it.
Raylan: I didn't mind it. I had some pork dish I quite liked. One minute. But a second ago, you said two minutes. What... what's going on here?
Raylan: Time flies, huh?
[ laughs ]
You. You're a character. I was telling my friends this morning how yesterday you come to me and, "if you don't get out Of town in 24 hours, I'm gonna shoot you on sight." Come on. What is that? They thought it was a joke. They started laughing.
Raylan: You tell them about the man you killed, the way you did it? 'cause I found nothing funny in that. Then maybe I should've killed you, huh? Maybe I made a mistake.
Raylan: Well, we all have regrets. Cut me a little slack here, Okay? Does nothing count, that I let you live?
Raylan: Oh, I'm giving you the same consideration right now. You can get up and go. 30 seconds. So, what are you gonna do? In front of all these people, you're gonna pull out a gun and you're gonna shoot an unarmed man?
Raylan: You're unarmed, huh? Hey, you got eyes. You see a piece on me?
Raylan: 20 seconds. Okay.
Raylan: 10. You know what? Seriously, you come in, you interrupt my meal, you won't eat with me. This is bullshit. This is supreme bullshit.
[ gasps ]
En route, 56. A 240 occurred approximately 10 minutes ago. A white male, approximately 40 years old, exited apartment building at 3445 south miami avenue on foot. U.S. Attorney's gonna have a lot of questions.
Raylan: Nothing I can't answer. They might think that you cornered him, didn't give him a choice.
Raylan: Oh, he had a choice. How's the hat, hmm? I was wondering if it shrunk, you know, got a little too tight, you took it off your head, and now you're suffering from sunstroke. You do know that we're not Allowed to shoot people on sight anymore...
Raylan: I didn't. ...And haven't been for, I Don't know, maybe years?
Raylan: He pulled first. It's not about who pulled first.
[ clears throat ]
You remember the meth head last year, the one who pulled a shotgun? That ended up on what, page nine? This... this bullshit... this is gonna be on the nightly news. D.O.J. Inquiry number 359826 Into the shooting death of Thomas francis buckley on March 3, 2010, in miami, Florida. Would you like to make a statement? the marshal's office has Conducted an internal investigation of the proceedings that occurred at the hotel in Question on...
Raylan: Dan. Come on, let's just keep it Simple, huh? He pulled first. I shot him.
[ sighs ]
Raylan: Well, I thought that went well.
You thought that went well? I got a phone call this morning from the director. Before that, the director got a phone call from the A.G. Let me put it to you this way. The weather forecast is for a shitload of sh1t raining down on this office from washington. I'm gonna reassign you.
Raylan: Prison transport? no, I'm getting you out of Dodge. They need manpower in the Eastern district of Kentucky. I talked to the chief of the District, Art Mullen... said you Guys taught firearms together at Glynco.
Raylan: No, no, dan, I grew up in Kentucky. I don't want to go back there. Well, then, we have a problem, because you don't want to go back to Kentucky, and you cannot, under any circumstances, stay here. Got any other skills?
[ car door closes ]
Flight number 167 from St. Louis is now arriving at Gate number 8. You may greet your passengers if they...
Raylan: [ sighs ]
Art: A bit of a comedown from the miami office, I'd expect.
Raylan: Oh, not with you here.
Art: [ laughs ] Good to see you. Well, I won't overwhelm you with everybody's name right now. You want to go have a drink?
Raylan: Sounds good.
Art: Follow me, and I'll pack up, and we'll go. You look the same as you did at Glynco... same coat, same boots.
Raylan: The boots are fairly new.
Art: Don't tell me that hat Is.
Raylan: No, it's old.
Art: Have a seat. You were working fugitives in Miami, huh?
Raylan: Yeah, I did.
Art: Yeah, well, here, everybody does everything... Fugitives, witness relocation, Judicial protection, Forfeitures, prisoner transport. Boy, every office I ever worked in, prisoner transport was the sh1t detail... chief always used it as punishment. But here we all do it.
Raylan: Even you?
Art: No. Hell no. I heard about you and Winona.
Raylan: From who?
Art: Winona. She works here.
Raylan: In Lexington?
Art: In the courthouse... She's a court reporter.
Raylan: Well, I... I knew she was coming back to Kentucky. I think her mom took ill.
Art: Well, I thought that was why you picked Kentucky.
Raylan: Art, no offense... I didn't pick Kentucky.
Art: [ laughs ] Yeah, I talked to your marshal down there in miami. Tell me about the shooting.
Raylan: It was justified. You concerned about me coming Down here?
Art: It's a small office, Raylan. I'm concerned when we switch brands of coffee. Is your dad still down there in Harlan?
Raylan: Far as I know.
Art: Thought you were from There. Reason I ask... the u.S. Attorney's trying to build this case against this guy in Harlan. And he's about the same age as You, it's a small town, thought You might know him... Boyd crowder.
Raylan: My god, Art, any other sh1t you want to dump on me tonight?
Art: You do know him.
Raylan: Yeah, I know him. Yeah, Boyd and I dug coal together when we were 19. well, Boyd, what do you think?
Boyd: Well, Jared, I think it sucks. What? Why?
Boyd: I appreciate the sentiment, wanting to go after a Federal building under construction. But, you see, we'd need us a whole box of emulex to bring that down, and that's... that's if you got cuts in the steel. And all we got's a rocket launcher. And impressive as that is, the only thing it's gonna do is knock some sh1t around. Don't you worry about it. We'll just go to plan "b." plan "b"? oh, yeah. Yeah, there's always a plan "b."
[ tires screech ]
Now, it used to be a couple of Crackers in an S.U.V. would set the jungle on edge. These surely are end times. All right, this is it right here. Let's shoot straight up here, make a right.
[ laughter ]
[ indistinct conversation ]
This is good right here.
[ tires screech ]
Well, I believe we can take her from here. What, you gonna blow up that Church? Boyd! There's people on the streets. They're gonna see us. They're gonna I.D. my car.
Boyd: You worried about your Car? you know, I just crushed...
Boyd: Fire in the hole! move! Move! Aah!
[ breathing heavily ]
Raylan: Boyd became a powder man.
He'd crawl down the hole with his case of emulex 520, come out Stringing wire, call out "fire In the hole" to clear the shaft. She'd blow, and we'd go back in, dig out the pieces. We weren't what you'd call buddies, but you work a deep mine with a man, you look out for each other.
Art: Well, after that, he Joined the army, and he went to Kuwait for desert storm, and When he came back, after a Couple years, he quit paying his Taxes, claimed that he was a Sovereign citizen, and so U.S. Attorneys sent him down to Alderson. That's where he got involved with the patriot movement and the white-supremacy bullshit, got them making horseshit bombs, you know, fertilizer and fuel oil. They'll come into a town like Somerset, and they'll blow up a car. And then while the cops are busy, they'll go rob a bank.
Raylan: Saw that in a Steve mcqueen movie.
Art: Yeah, well, these guys ain't movie actors. Did he change much?
Raylan: Other than the fact he's now a racist asshole.
Art: [ chuckles ]
Raylan: He's lost some hair, but that's about it.
[ crickets chirping ]
Boyd: How come you didn't want to blow up that church?
I told you. I didn't want them to I.D. my car.
Boyd: I got to thinking that maybe you had an aversion to hurting people.
[ laughs ]
Hell no.
Boyd: Yeah, well, I also got to thinking that a building under construction might just be the kind of innocuous target... You know what that means? That means harmless. Huh?
Boyd: It might just be the kind of harmless target that the Federal bureau of imperialism might be willing to sacrifice in order to get somebody deep in the movement. You think I'm a snitch?
Boyd: All I know is you don't have any tattoos, you keep rubbing that head like you don't think that hair's gonna grow back. You think I'm a snitch 'cause I rub my head?
Boyd: I mean, you understand Where I'm coming from, right? I mean, you come out here from Oklahoma... No.
Boyd: ...Full of piss and vinegar, talking about how you were tired of spray-painting Synagogues, saying you want to blow some sh1t up. Hey! You don't believe me, you check it out. Why don't you call oklahoma?
Boyd: Oh, we are. Devil's doing it as we speak. Yeah. You'll see, Boyd. I ain't no snitch.
Boyd: Yeah, well, like you Said, we'll see.
[ telephone rings ]
Right there. Hey. Turn that sh1t off. Why don't you eat my ass? Hey, how'd it go? Out of the way. Get over. I'm going.
Boyd: The primary was a waste of time, but took care of the secondary just fine. Where you at?
Boyd: East of 75 on Tates creek road. Oh, hey. We got a call from oklahoma. Jared checks out.
Boyd: Oh? how'd he do?
Boyd: [ sighs ] I had to let jared go. Oh. Was it 'cause you didn't trust him or you just didn't like him much?
Boyd: Probably a little bit of both. I am gonna need you to pick me up, though.
[ music plays on radio ]
I will show that my client did not engage in fraud. A report by a forensic accountant will show that any anomalies are due entirely to a misentering of amounts, a common bookkeeping error, and by no means fraud. Thank you, counselor. Will the prosecution please approach the jury? thank you, your honor.
[ cellphone buzzes ]
It might seem like a simple technical mistake, but the state Will prove there was malicious intent...
Raylan: One second. ...Coordinated with the co-defendants on January...
Raylan: Sorry. I was in the courthouse. I'll be up in a minute. Tates creek road. I think I know where that is.
[ indistinct conversation ]
Art: County sheriff's deputy found it just after dawn.
Name's jared hale. Bureau has him listed as some kind of aryan knight, oklahoma driver's license and registration.
Raylan: You got him connected to Boyd?
Art: Mm, so far, tenuously. I talked to his sister in tulsa, and she said that he came to Kentucky to hook up with some commandos. Now, that's probably the murder weapon. It's recently been fired. There's no prints on it. In fact, the whole vehicle's clean, except for this. Now, do you know what that is?
Raylan: Mnh-mnh.
Art: I didn't, either. That is the cap that goes on the end of a rocket launcher.
Raylan: No sh1t.
Art: Mm-hmm. Last night in lexington, we had a church bombing. And the feeb says that whoever did it used a rocket launcher.
[ indistinct conversations ]
We got to reroute this traffic here.
Tim: Yeah, all the wits say the same. Two white males drove up in a dark S.U.V. They parked at that corner by the curb. One male got out with what Looked like a bazooka. He said a few words and then fired at the church.
Raylan: What did he say, the fella that got out of the S.U.V.?
Raylan: One said it was "liars and hos." Another heard "time to go." My favorite's "heidi heidi heidi Ho."
Raylan: Maybe we should put out an apb out on cab calloway.
Tim: I think he's dead.
Raylan: Then he should be easy to find.
Rachel: The pastor had it different. He heard the man say, "fire in the hole." you know what? Why don't you just go just do your job?
Art: Did the good pastor say he got a good look at the shooter?
Rachel: He says no.
Art: I bet if we put Crowder in a lineup and told the pastor that the trigger man was there, it might jog his memory. Rachel, why don't you go ask our old friend if he'll have a word with us? Be nice.
Rachel: When am I ever not nice?
Tim: You think fandi's gonna want to cooperate?
Art: Fandi is Ethiopian by way of Jamaica by way of being completely full of sh1t. The temple of the cool and beautiful J.C. was one of those Churches that claims that marijuana is a sacramental herb. It is protected by the Constitution.
Rachel: The constitution of dope sellers? 'cause selling ganja to kids means you're a drug dealer.
Art: I could've sworn I told Her to be nice. Pastor fandi, if I could just talk to you for just one moment... no, you could not.
Raylan: I saw peter tosh once. You assume 'cause I'm black and have a Jamaican accent, I like reggae?
Raylan: People assume a lot about me. It's the way of the world. How was he, peter tosh?
Raylan: Uh... It was not my taste, but the girl I was chasing loved him. And I let her stay till the encore before I took her off to Jail. What do you want?
[ chuckles ]
That was a close one. I felt the air move.
Dewey: Boyd! Boyd! Boyd!
Boyd: What's all the fuss? They out of velveeta?
Dewey: Your brother got shot.
Boyd: What? Where?
Dewey: At his house.
Boyd: No, dumb-ass, where on his body?
Dewey: I don't know.
Boyd: Well, is it serious?
Dewey: Oh, yeah. He's dead.
Tim: Did you know Bowman Crowder, Boyd's brother?
Raylan: Sort of. Star running back in high School. Boyd was always saying Bowman Had the goods to go pro. I was never that sure.
Tim: You remember the girl he married, Ava?
Raylan: Well, if it's the Same one, she lived down the Street. She's married to Bowman?
Tim: She was. She ended the union last night with a .30-06, plugged him right through the heart.
Raylan: Hmm.
Tim: That's the sheriff's Report. She admits shooting him, says She got tired of Bowman getting drunk and beating her.
Art: She still in custody?
Tim: She was arraigned 10 minutes ago, R.O.R.
Art: Mm. Did you talk to her?
Tim: I did. I told her, given Boyd's reputation, he's probably gonna come looking for her. She said it's none of our business. I told her it is if he shoots her.
Art: We should go talk to her again. Is that the address?
Tim: Yeah, but good luck on finding it. I tried to map it, got nothing.
Art: Well, I guess some places haven't been entered into the system, like north korea and Raylan's hometown.
Raylan: I know where it is. And the dangerous thing about the word of faith is it puts the Believer in the driver's seat. And it puts god and his will and his plan for your life in the back.
Ava: Oh, my god. Raylan.
Raylan: You remember me, huh?
Ava: Oh. I never forgot you. I had a crush on you from the time I was 12 years old. I knew you liked me, but you didn't want to show it.
Raylan: You were too young.
Ava: I was 16 when you left. I heard you got married. Are you still?
Raylan: Turned out to be a mistake.
Ava: Mm. Want to talk about mistakes? I told Bowman I wanted a divorce. He goes, "you file, you'll never be seen again." He said I'd disappear from the face of the earth. Do you want a drink?
Raylan: I'd love one. Now I'd like to do a reading from deuteronomy.
Ava: I married him a year out of high school 'cause he was cute, he was sure of himself, and he told me he'd never work in a goddamn coal mine. He'd wear the blue and white of the university of Kentucky, and then he'd get drafted by a pro team. He wouldn't mind the cowboys. What do you want in yours? I got diet coca-cola, rc cola, Dr pepper.
Raylan: Just ice.
Ava: I ever forget to fill The trays, Bowman would start slapping me. "what's wrong with you? Don't you know how to keep House?" And that all started as soon as He realized he was never getting out of Harlan. He blamed it on me, said it was My fault he had to dig coal. It was my fault that I had a miscarriage after he beat me with his belt and he didn't have a son to take hunting with him and his creepy brother, Boyd. Last time he hit me was because I called his brother creepy to his face. Well, he kept after me with that belt till I fell and I hit my head on the stove. I got up off that floor knowing that he was never gonna hit me again. The next night, he came in, I had his favorite supper on the table... ham and yams and cream-style corn and leftover Okra fixed with tomatoes. I waited till he was shoveling food in his face. Then I got his deer rifle from the kitchen closet. And I went in there, and I did what I had to do. I just finished cleaning up. I had to scrub the wall with Lysol, you know, to get the Stain off of it. Lysol's the best cleaning product you can buy. I still got a knot where I fell and I hit my head on the stove. You want to feel it? Dear lord, my hair's a mess. You close your eyes. I don't want you to see me like this. Raylan... the minute you walked in, I knew everything was gonna be all right. I was right about you.
Raylan: About what?
Ava: Having a crush on you. You're a good kisser.
Raylan: I was thinking we'd have to stop doing that.
Ava: Why?
Raylan: Well, this isn't a social call, Ava. Came down to Harlan on business.
Ava: Well, you tell me all about your business when I get out of the shower.
Dewey: Well, who the hell are you, the undertaker?
Raylan: I might be undertaking a situation here. Let me see your chest. You buy that necklace or poach The gator and yank her teeth Out?
Dewey: I shot her and ate her Tail.
Raylan: That would put you in Florida, around lake okeechobee.
Dewey: Belle glade. Who are you?
Raylan: Raylan givens. I'm a deputy... United states marshal. You mind telling me who you are? You know your name, don't you?
Dewey: I'm Dewey. Dewey Crowe.
Raylan: I sent a boy to Starke from belle glade, fella named Dale Crowe Jr.
Dewey: He's my kin.
Raylan: Huh. What are you doing here, Mr. Crowe?
Dewey: I come to take Ava someplace. Ava!
Raylan: Hold on. Let me tell you something. You don't walk into a person's House unless you're invited. What you better do is go on Outside, you knock on the door. Ava wants to see you, I'll let You in. She don't, and you can be on Your way.
Dewey: Well, all right. I'm gonna go out. And then I'm coming back in.
Raylan: [ sighs ] Mr. Crowe. You better hold on there a sec while I explain something to you.
[ sighs ]
I want you to understand. I don't pull my sidearm unless I'm gonna shoot to kill. That's its purpose, huh, to kill, so it's how I use it. I want you to think about that before you act and it's too late.
Dewey: Jesus christ, I got a scattergun pointed right at you.
Raylan: Can you rack in a load before I put a hole through you? Where'd you want to take Ava?
Dewey: Man, I don't understand you.
Raylan: Boyd want to see her?
Dewey: It's none of your business.
Raylan: You know Boyd and I were buddies? We dug coal and drank beer together. In fact, you see him, you tell him I'm in Harlan, all right? Hey, if I was you, I'd give up this nazi bullshit, go back to poaching gators... safer.
Dewey: Next time I see you, I'm gonna...
[ horn honks ]
[ groans ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Raylan: You tell Boyd his old buddy wants to see him...
Raylan givens.
[ sirens wailing ]
Boyd: Only reason I don't take Ava out and shoot her...
'cause I see she had no choice in what she done. I mean, don't get me wrong. I loved my brother. But you knew Bowman. You knew how he could get. And that woman, she showed some spunk... you think about it... Doing what she did. And then there's the bible. In the bible, it says that a man should see to the needs of his brother's widow, and intend to do that. Well, they sure are taking their sweet time.
Boyd: Hey, let me ask you something. Shouldn't we have our money from your boys in lexington by now? Uh, I'll give them a call. Don't worry. They're good for it.
Boyd: Yeah, you damn right They're good for it, 'cause if they ain't good for it, I'll go down there and blow their sh1t up, too.
[ gunfire ]
Whoa! Hey! Come on. Come on. Let's go!
Boyd: Right now? Yeah, right now!
Boyd: Right now? Right now? come on, let's go!
Boyd: [ laughs ] Whoo!
[ tires screech ]
[ gunshots ]
Ava: Who was that?
Raylan: Dewey Crowe.
Ava: Oh, the one with the "heil hitler" on his neck?
He was one of Bowman's buddies.
Raylan: You haven't seen Boyd, I mean, since?
Ava: No. But he'll be after me, I know. He's been after me.
Raylan: Yeah, that's why we want to keep an eye on you. You know I'm... I'm with the Marshal's service.
Ava: I believe your mother Told me before she passed. You been to see your father?
Raylan: [ sighs ] Mm.
Ava: Are you looking for Boyd?
Raylan: We are. But we have to catch him in the act... robbing a bank, blowing up a church... Making an attempt on your life.
Ava: Mine?
Raylan: You said yourself He'll be coming after you.
Ava: [ chuckles ] Raylan, Boyd don't want to shoot Me. He wants to...You know, go to bed with me.
[ chuckles ]
You want me to help you catch him?
Raylan: Um, maybe you could Just get him to talk to me.
Ava: I could do that.
Raylan: You know where he is?
Ava: I do.
Raylan: And did you want to tell me?
Ava: [ chuckles ] What do I get if I do?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hey. Who you know drives a town car?
Boyd: Look at you... a suit, a necktie, looking good, looking Like a lawman. Hmm. Now, see, this is how you wear a hat, all casual, not down on your goddamn ears like you do. I heard you called on Ava. My boy Dewey said he had to run you off.
Raylan: You believe that?
Boyd: Not if you say it ain't so. Yeah, I'll take care of him.
Boyd: Devil, get us a jar and two glasses. This party's just for Raylan and me. Go on. He just got his release, so he's feeling a little itchy.
Raylan: I can tell.
Boyd: [ chuckles ] Old times.
Raylan: Whoa.
Boyd: [ laughs ] You been gone too long.
Raylan: God damn.
Boyd: So, what... what was life like in florida?
Raylan: Just as advertised... Sunny and hot.
Boyd: You know, I just don't think I could take me a place so flat. You seen your daddy yet?
Raylan: No, not yet.
Boyd: Boy, he was a wild man back in his day, wasn't he? What was that scam he had going back in the early '90s... Stealing mining machinery, selling it to the colombians, getting paid in cocaine... you remember that?
Raylan: Guess I was gone by then. How's your daddy?
Boyd: I suspect you know how my daddy is. Yeah, all those days, good and bad, they all long gone now. Everything's changed. It's all changed. Mining's changed. No more following a seam Underground. Cheaper to take the tops off mountains and let the slag run down and ruin the creeks. Hey, you remember the picket Lines, don't you?
Raylan: Yeah.
Boyd: Courts backing the Company scabs and gun thugs. Hmm. Whose side you think the Government's always been on, Raylan, us or people with money? And who do you think controls that money? Who do you think wants to mongrelize the world?
Raylan: Who?
Boyd: The Jews.
Raylan: Boyd... You know any Jews?
Boyd: See...I recruit skins. They don't know no more than you Do. And I have to teach them that we have a... a moral obligation to get rid of the Jews. See, it was in the bible.
Raylan: W-where?
Boyd: In the beginning. It's part of creation. See, in the beginning, right, you had your mud people. Now, they were also referred to as beasts because they had no Souls. See, they were soulless. And then cain... now, you remember cain, now?
Raylan: Mm-hmm.
Boyd: Well, cain... he laid down with the mud people, and out of these fornications came the edomites. Now, do you know who the Edomites are?
Raylan: Who?
Boyd: They're the Jews, Raylan.
Raylan: You're serious?
Boyd: Read your bible as interpreted by experts.
[ laughter ]
Raylan: Oh, you know, Boyd, I think you just use the bible to do whatever the hell you Like.
Boyd: Well, what do you think I like, Raylan?
You like to get money and blow sh1t up. I know about your friend devil and his record selling dope. And I'm willing to bet that you blew up that church in lexington not because it was black, because it was a dope store. 10 to 1 says you got paid to do it by some other dope dealer around who didn't like the idea of that preacher getting a free pass from the police. Win-win for you, wasn't it, Boyd? Not only did you get to blow something to smithereens, you got money. See, I'm giving you the benefit you aren't mental. I know you're not stupid enough to believe that mud-people story.
Boyd: You think you know me? Well, I know you, Deputy marshal Raylan givens. I know you like to shoot bad People. I heard about that gun thug you shot in a hotel in miami.
Raylan: You heard about that?
Boyd: Oh, yeah, yeah, we have TV's down here now, Raylan.
Raylan: Oh.
Boyd: But, you know, at any point, when you were looking at that gun thug, did you see your Daddy's face?
Raylan: The reason I'm here... we're having a little lineup tomorrow at the Courthouse.
Boyd: What did I do now?
Raylan: Well, listen, we got a witness who saw a man fire a bazooka into a church. And I'd appreciate it if you'd be in that lineup.
Boyd: Oh, I bet you would.
Raylan: You either show up, or we'll come get you.
Boyd: Hey, Raylan, let me ask you a question. Would you shoot me if you get the chance?
Raylan: You make me pull, I'll put you down.
Art: Well, reverend, what do you think? I don't know. You know, it was dark, and the man was far away. And if you heard anybody, you know, shoot a rocket at you, you don't stand there and look, you know, I just run.
Art: Cut them loose.
[ door opens ]
Boyd: Well, I did my part.
I showed up.
Raylan: I think the idea of Walking in past a gathering of Law enforcement appealed to you, Especially since you knew that Preacher didn't have the balls To pick you.
Boyd: It's always good to see You, Raylan. Hey. You know that man you shot in Florida? Well, my boy Dewey's cousin down there... he said he heard a rumor that you gave that gun thug 24 hours to get out of town Or you'd shoot him on sight. Is that true?
Raylan: I gave him the option to leave miami. He turned it down.
Boyd: What would you say if I made you the same offer? Now, you get out of Harlan county by tomorrow noon, or I'm gonna come looking for you. Does that sound fair?
Raylan: Now you're talking.
[ indistinct conversations ]
Raylan: Hey.
Ava: Hey.
My lawyer's talking to the Prosecutor. Come with me while I smoke. I plead to manslaughter, and I won't have to go to prison, though if I have to, I have to. It was worth it. Hey, why don't you come by for supper? I'll pick up a couple of fryers, fix you some hot biscuits and gravy.
[ giggles ]
Look at you licking your lips.
Raylan: All my life, fried chicken's been my favorite. But I shouldn't.
Ava: Why not?
Raylan: Because... An officer of the law isn't supposed to be socializing with the defendant in a murder investigation.
Ava: Oh, I didn't know that.
Raylan: It's sort of frowned upon.
Ava: [ sighs ] Hmm. I'm fixing it anyway. You're a big boy, Raylan. You want to come, there's nothing on earth gonna stop you. Oh, if it weren't for Boyd, I'd have me some of Ava.
Dewey: Wasn't for Boyd, me and you could have us the Marshal.
Art: So, what did Boyd say exactly... "he's coming for you" or "we're coming"?
Raylan: He said he was.
Art: Hmm. But we don't know whether he wants to shoot you or blow you up, do we? Then again, he could just jump the gun and come after you when you aren't looking. If I was you, I'd look under the car before I turned the key every time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
We're like big-game hunters, Raylan, except that you're the Bait. You're kind of like the goat tethered to the pole. And all I got to do is keep you in sight.
Raylan: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Art: [ chuckles ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Boyd: Yeah.
He's at the motel with his friends.
Boyd: Well, do you see our friends? I do. What do you want us to do?
Boyd: Sit tight.
[ knock on door ]
Hey, Ava. You expecting someone? hey.
[ claps hands ]
Give me them things.
Art: What are they doing out there?
Tim: Oh, you folks are Missing a hell of a show.
Raylan: I think Rachel's trying to shoot the moon.
Rachel: I don't try, I do, and you weep.
Art: One single, solitary tear.
[ telephone ringing ]
Now, all the information we have so far is that they... it was a robbery, and...
Boyd: Hello?
Ava: Can you smell the chicken frying? It'll be done by the time you get here.
Raylan: I'm on my way. Boyd's at Ava's.
Art: You sure?
Raylan: I'm not saying there was a gun to her head, but she didn't sound right. Let's hit it.
Art: Here, call Raylan. Tell him to keep the line open.
[ tires screech ]
[ cellphone rings ]
Raylan: Where do you want me?
Art: Keep going.
Get Ava. We got this.
Raylan: You got this?
Art: Go!
[ tires screech ]
You get around.
Tim: You want me to kill them or wing them?
Art: Let's start with winging. You okay? I got hit. Can you shoot? I think so. Then let's finish this thing.
[ groans ]
Rachel: Please, either one of You, do something stupid.
Dewey: Hey, what are you d...
He'll see us. He's already seen us, you moron. You want we should wrap ourselves around a tree? Oh, christ almighty.
[ horn honks ]
What the hell's he doing?
Dewey: He must be sneaking up on the house. No, he ain't.
Raylan: [ sighs ] So, tell me. What's going on?
[ gun cocks ]
I'm sorry. I didn't hear you guys. There ain't nothing going on, all right? We's just out riding around.
Both: Aah! aah! Okay, all right. Boyd just wants to have a word with you is all.
Raylan: He told me he's gonna Shoot me.
Dewey: Then what are you Asking us for, asshole? Ugh!
Raylan: Outlaw life's hard, Ain't it? Cuff your left hand, put it through the steering wheel, and cuff gator boy. Move it. Come on, give me your hand, stupid.
Raylan: You don't need to say anything.
Ava: I swear to god, Raylan, I didn't know he was coming.
Raylan: I believe you.
Boyd: Whoa. No shotguns allowed in this dining room. Toss it outside. Come on. Ava, why don't you go in the kitchen, maybe watch some TV or something? Go on. Well, come on in. Come on in. Sit down. Help yourself. Raylan.
Raylan: [ sighs ]
Boyd: The gravy ain't bad... I mean, it ain't like your mama used to make it, but it never is, is it? Let me ask you something. When you shot that gun thug in Miami, was there food on the table like this?
Raylan: There was.
Boyd: Well, have something. Have a little chicken. And you... well, you had your gun. What kind was it?
Raylan: That time? A sig 226.
Boyd: And where was it? Was it on the table where mine Is?
Raylan: It was holstered.
Boyd: Bullshit.
Raylan: It was holstered.
Boyd: Well, where was his?
Raylan: Under the table.
Boyd: And what did he have... What kind of piece, I mean?
Raylan: I don't recall.
Boyd: Well, how did you know when to pull?
Raylan: He went first.
Boyd: And you gave this gun thug 24 hours to get out of town, and was the time up when you... when you shot him?
Raylan: Pretty close.
Boyd: Well, how much time do you think you got left?
Raylan: I thought I had till Noon tomorrow.
Boyd: Well, what if I said it was right now? I mean, unless, of course, you Want to finish that chicken leg.
Raylan: Well, I mean, you can call it off. I mean, I don't mind.
Boyd: Well, if you're gonna keep after me, Raylan, I figure we may as well just get her done.
Raylan: [ sighs ] Your.45's on the table, I have to pull? Is that how we do it?
Boyd: Well, I appreciate that, Raylan. Yes, I do believe it is my call. What are you packing?
Raylan: You'll pay to find that out.
Boyd: Ooh. You got ice-cold water running through your veins. Well, should we just do us a Shot of jim beam just for old times' sake? Ava! Get us a shot of jim...
[ gun cocks ]
Ava: You want to know what Bowman said when he looked up and he saw me with his deer rifle?
Boyd: God damn, woman, you only shoot people when they're eating supper?
Ava: He had his mouth full of sweet potato.
He said, "the hell you doing with that?"
Boyd: Ava, put the gun down, please.
Ava: Want to know what I said? I said, "I'm gonna shoot you, dummy." Ah!
Boyd: [ gasping ] Oh. Oh, you did it, huh? You really did. You did it.
Boyd: I'm sorry. But you called it.
[ rumbling ]
Ava: Why'd you say you're sorry?
Raylan: Boyd and I dug coal together.
Boyd: [ raspy breathing ]
Art: [ sighs ]
At glynco, didn't you teach those recruits to aim for the heart?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Winona: Toilet's broken.
Use the one downstairs.
Gary: Just hold up here. You leave the door open?
Winona: No, I did not leave the door open.
Gary: Well, somebody did. It wasn't me. Jesus christ!
Raylan: Hello, Gary.
Gary: Raylan.
Winona: You almost gave him a heart attack.
Raylan: Sorry about that.
Winona: Well, I told him if you were gonna shoot him, you would've done it six years ago when I left you. What are you doing here, Raylan?
Raylan: I'm gonna be working in Kentucky, working for the Marshal's office.
Winona: Raylan. What are you doing here?
[ sighs ]
Raylan: [ sighs ] I was in nicaragua a while back, Looking for this money launderer named roland pike.
The cartel's gun thug, Tommy bucks, was looking for him, too. Bucks got me, took my gun, put me in a car with some other man, drove us to some old coconut plantation. Then he tied the man to a palm tree and asked me where roland was. I told him what I knew... No sense in lying. I guess he wasn't certain he could believe me and needed to be sure, or he just wanted to impress upon me how serious he was. But I watched as Tommy Bucks stuck a stick of dynamite in that poor man's mouth, taped it so he couldn't spit it out, and lit the fuse. The next time I saw Tommy Bucks was in miami. I told him he's got 24 hours to get out of town, or I'm gonna kill him.
Winona: Did you?
Raylan: Yeah. But he pulled first, so I was justified. But what troubles me is what if he hadn't? What if he just sat there and Let the clock run out? Would I have killed him anyway? I know I wanted to. Guess I just never thought of myself as an angry man.
Winona: Oh, Raylan. Well, you do a good job of hiding it, and I... I suppose Most folks don't see it, but, honestly, you're the angriest man I have ever known. | Plan: A: a shooting; Q: What bad publicity caused Raylan Givens to be transferred from Miami to Lexington? A: U.S.; Q: What country is Raylan Givens a deputy for? A: Raylan; Q: Who shoots Boyd Crowder? A: Timothy Olyphant ) boss; Q: Who is Matt Craven? A: Chief Deputy Art Mullen; Q: Who is Nick Searcy? A: an old friend; Q: What is Art Mullen to Raylan? A: the academy; Q: Where did Art Mullen meet Raylan? A: a church bombing; Q: What is the murder of a young white supremacist linked to? A: Boyd Crowder; Q: Who is the main suspect in the murder of a young white supremacist? A: ( Walton Goggins; Q: Who is Boyd Crowder? A: an ultimatum; Q: What does Boyd Crowder give Raylan? A: twenty-four hours; Q: How long does Raylan have to leave Harlan? A: a tense confrontation; Q: What happens at an old acquaintance's house that leads to Raylan shooting Boyd? A: the drop; Q: What does Raylan get on Boyd Crowder? Summary: After some bad publicity involving a shooting, Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan Givens' ( Timothy Olyphant ) boss ( Matt Craven ) transfers Raylan from Miami to Lexington, Kentucky. Under Chief Deputy Art Mullen ( Nick Searcy ), an old friend from the academy, Raylan takes on the case of the murder of a young white supremacist who is linked to a church bombing. The chief suspect is Boyd Crowder ( Walton Goggins ), a childhood friend of Raylan's. In order to catch him, Raylan returns to his hometown of Harlan. Boyd gives Raylan an ultimatum: leave Harlan within twenty-four hours or be killed. After a tense confrontation at an old acquaintance's house, Raylan gets the drop on Boyd and shoots him in the chest, though he survives and is hospitalized. |
Opening scene - Newport Union High School - the first thing we see is the range rover driving up to the parking lot. the car stops and we see that Ryan is driving and Marissa is in the passenger seat. she is looking towards her new school. we see a sign that has NEWPORT UNION HIGH SCHOOL written in white, on a greeny/aqua background. underneath that in black letters on a white background is WELCOME BACK STUDENTS
Seth: Newport Union, Orange County's answer to public education
(we can now see that Seth and Summer are in the back seat together)
Seth: y'know the parking lot (raises eyebrows) looks spacious
Summer: yeah, an well lit, you know at night with all the lights (nods)
Ryan: yeah (looks at Marissa) plus your up on a hill. It'll probably get a good breeze
Seth: that's important (points) good breeze can make all the difference
Summer: (looks at Seth) Cohen, shut up about the breeze (shrugs) ok your not helping
Seth: (looks at Summer) oh really an d'you think the lights in the parking lot are making her feel better
Marissa: ok look guys it's gonna be fine (looks at Summer/Seth)
Summer: (worried, sad) are you sure this is what you want Coop
Marissa: look I don't really have a choice Sum (shrugs) I mean even if I hadn't got kicked out of Harbor my mom can't afford private school anymore
(Summer and Seth both look sad)
Ryan: well, I told you you can always...home school with me (looks at Marissa)
Marissa: I know, but I really think this is gonna be fine, I mean honestly its kinda nice to be somewhere where...everybody doesn't know every little detail about your life (looks at Ryan) an you don't have'ta be stared at all the time (raises eyebrows)
Summer: I could see that (nods)
(Marissa looks out of the window again, alot of the kids look over at the car/her)
Marissa: (notices) ok, I'm gonna go (takes off seatbelt)
Ryan: alright, ill pick you up this afternoon
Marissa: (softly) ok
(Marissa gets out of the car and smiles at Ryan, then starts walking away. Summer puts down her window so she and Seth can watch. Marissa looks back at Ryan and waves then continues walking away. we see a close up of Ryan's worried face. we then see Marissa walking near the lockers. as she's walking kids are noticing her and looking. on the stairs a group of 4 tough looking girls notice her. one of these girls we later find out is Heather)
Heather: check out Newport Barbie
(Marissa hears what was said and looks a little upset by it, she keeps walking. Heather watches Marissa as she walks away. we then see Summer and Seth still watching in the car)
Seth: (dramatic) an that was the last they ever saw of her
(Summer looks away from the window and we see another close up of Ryan's worried face)
Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor School - student lounge. we see Seth carrying 2 coffees. he walks over to Summer who is sitting on a couch with a big binder on her lap. the coffee table in front of her is absolutely covered in papers
Seth: here you are my little social chair maven
Summer: thankyou
(Seth goes to put the coffee down on the table, which remember is covered in papers)
Summer: w- wait don't put that there that's (frowns) the order for the caterer Saturday night (Seth goes to put it down again) and (frowns) that's my calculations for the streamers (Seth looks frustrated) you could put it there though (points) on the contract for the DJ I'm sure Dr Bootyopolis wouldn't mind a little coffee
(Seth puts the coffee down and then sits down next to Summer on the couch and sighs)
Summer: you know I always thought that social chair was a ceremonial position like (Seth looks at her) Rose Bowl Queen or President (looks at Seth) how'did Marissa do it all
(Jack is standing near them)
Jack: Cohen
(Seth and Summer look up)
Jack: I took a little tour of the boys locker room last night (Summer looks at Seth) I'm suprised the entire track team doesn't have trench foot, so ill see you there, at three
Seth: ok (screws up face) you sure this is detention, it's got more of a (thinks) work release feel
Jack: like I said, you give up the person who helped you steal the tiki hut (Summer looks down) an this can go easier, on both of you
Seth: I'm sorry, it's jus me (raises hand slightly)
Jack: (nods) three o'clock, just start with the toilets
(Seth looks away, unhappy)
Summer: dude you've got ta let me tell him
Seth: no way, look he's just upset still cause Ryan humiliated him at the carnival, its my call (looks at Summer) you plan the dance you leave the toilets to me (stands) (Summer frowns) I was hopin that'd sound a little more heroic
Summer: no, I got it, its ok
CUT TO: Cohen house - we see Ryan come in the front door. Sandy comes out of his office
Sandy: hey there you are (Ryan looks) I just got off the phone with your new tutor, she's got a great resume...tutored Stallones kids
Ryan: ahhh, look uhh I know this is kinda awkward timing but what'do you think about me going to Newport Union
Sandy: (looks at Ryan) Newport Union...with Marissa
Ryan: private tutors really expensive an it's not like I haven't been to public school in Chino (hopeful)
Sandy: Ryan Ryan (looks down)
Ryan: look she's goin through a tough time, Caleb left em with nothing (Sandy nods) her dad just took off
Sandy: (shrugs) neither of which is your responsibility
Ryan: ok fine, well why do I need a reason
Sandy: (sternly) because you need'ta focus on getting your life back on track (Ryan looks at him with raised eyebrows) you need'ta start thinking about college an about SAT's, alright
Ryan: ...alright (slightly nods)
Sandy: that's it kid (smiles)
(Ryan walks away. Sandy looks over and sees Kirsten doing a little gardening outside. she has a few small pot plants on a table, and she has one in her hand. Sandy just watches. (his expression is hard to describe but it's definitely bordering on happy) the next thing we see is Kirsten drop dirty gardening gloves on the floor and walk into their room from outside. Sandy comes in from the hallway)
Sandy: hey
Kirsten: (looks) hey (smiles)
Sandy: a little morning gardening (impressed)
Kirsten: oh I thought id put in an herb garden
Sandy: wow
Kirsten: Dr. Woodruff says we should confront our fears (raises eyebrows) an mine is my cooking
Sandy: so's mine
Kirsten: well we'll confront my cooking together (smiles)
Sandy: an if that doesn't work ill buy dinner
Kirsten: (takes off shirt) I'm gonna take a shower
(Sandy watches Kirsten adoringly)
Kirsten: (thinks) you know, you don't look so clean yourself
Sandy: you think
(Kirsten moves closer to Sandy and puts her arms on Sandy's shoulders)
Kirsten: no
Sandy: cause I just showered
(Kirsten wipes her dirty hands over Sandy's forehead, and down his cheeks. Sandy smiles and Kirsten kisses him passionately. Kirsten has her hands wrapped tightly around Sandy's neck. Sandy has his on Kirsten's back)
Sandy: did I tell you how glad I am your back
Kirsten: yeah (smiles) an I like hearing it
(Kirsten kisses Sandy again. aww)
CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol mansion - we hear the doorbell. then we see Julie answer the door. a man in a suit is standing there
Man: Julie Cooper-Nichol
Julie: yes, may I help you
Man: (hands Julie a document) you are here-by notified that this house an its contents are being seized for repayment of debt (Julie listens) you have forty eight hours to vacate the premises, I'm sorry
(the man walks away. Julie stands there looking stunned and angry. she goes inside and shuts the door)
CUT TO: Newport Union High School - we see a girl sticking up a poster on the side of the lockers. on it in big letters at the top is SATURDAY 7PM! underneath that is NEWPORT UNION HIGH SCHOOL. then a photo and then under that is BACK TO SCHOOL DANCE. and under that is RULES. the girl then goes and sticks another one up on a wall next to a classroom door just as the bell rings. kids come out of the door. we then see Marissa standing in the middle of the hall looking at a map. she looks around frowning then she looks back down at the map and turns around. she bumps into Heather from earlier
Heather: (attitude) oh you did not jus walk inta me
Marissa: sorry, I wasn't looking (tries to keep walking)
Bitch: (walks in front) was I jus suposed'ta jus see you coming an step aside princess
(a girl watches Marissa and Heather from her locker. we find out in a second that her name is Casey)
Marissa: um no its just it's my first day an I don't know my way around yet
Heather: fine ill let you go (folds arms) (Casey watches) just tell me you think you're better than me
Marissa: (looks at Heather) what
Heather: (matter of factly) tell me you think you're better than me, an ill let you go
Marissa: (confused) I don't
Heather: so now you're lying to me, so you think I'm stupid too is that it
Casey: (walks over) hey Heather, are you welcoming a new student, I can take over if you want
Heather: (looks at Casey) whatever (walks away)
Marissa: (sighs) thanks, I really don't know why she's got it in for me
Casey: my guess is the bag (Marissa looks at her bag) an the shoes...an the Chanel necklace (Marissa puts her hand on the necklace) probably isn't helping either, but it's just a guess (smiles, shrugs) anyways welcome to Newport Union (holds hand out) I'm Casey
Marissa: (shakes Casey's hand) Marissa...Cooper, your the first nice person I've actually met
Casey: (shrugs) an I'm not even that nice
(the bell rings and Casey walks off. Marissa nods then starts walking in Casey's direction. she frowns turns around and shakes her head as she walks away. she stops again and looks back, lost)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is in a classroom with a bunch of other students working on the school dance. the banner is being worked on, on the floor. Summer walks over it, then over to a blonde girl sitting at a desk holding a yellow triangle in her hand
Summer: hey...Beth (Beth looks up) that's supposed'ta be an octagon, eight sides (shakes head) not three
(Beth smiles and walks away. Summer sighs, frustrated. Taylor walks over to her. she's not her annoying cheery self)
Summer: (notices Taylor, folds arms) you need something (frowns)
Taylor: hi...um, I thought id see if you needed any help with the dance
Summer: (nods) mm, no (smiles smugly, shrugs)
Taylor: ok Summer look (Summer looks up) I know I can be a pain (raises eyebrows)
Summer: a pain? Taylor you staged a power play at the kick-off carnival (frowns) you tattled to the Dean an got Ryan kicked out of school
Taylor: I don't have any friends
Summer: well gee, there's a shocker
Taylor: I know an it's my fault I...I don't trust people an so I try to control them which then drives them away, ergo no friends (Summer listens) I'm working through it with my therapist
Summer: well don't quit now (nods, raises eyebrows)
Taylor: but I decided that this year was gonna be different, an I thought if I was social chair thennnn people would like me but...I screwed that up...as usual
Summer: ok is this where I'm suppose'ta feel sorry for you (shakes head)
Taylor: ok look (smiles) I'm sure people write prose poems in your yearbook about what an incredible friend you are (raises eyebrows) (Summer listens) you know what I get, have a nice summer, but...its my senior year, an I wanted more I...I want someone ta write...I'm glad I finally got to know you
Summer: (softens) ...go show Beth what an octagon is (closes eyes)
Taylor: (happy) god she is a pin head isn't she (laughs) (Summer looks at her) yeah see that's the kind of thing I've gotta keep in check (nods)
(we see an aerial shot of the room. Taylor walks over the banner. we can see almost the whole banner. it is mainly yellow and red with a blue wave on it. the writing is white with Harbor School in smaller letters then underneath that in big letters is End of Summer Dance)
CUT TO: Newport Union High School - Marissa is at the lockers trying to open one. she pulls on it but it doesn't open. she moves to the locker next to it and starts turning the combination dial. a guy walks over to her, who we find out in a second is Johnny
Johnny: either you're the worst thief ever (Marissa looks at him) or it's your first day
Marissa: (smiles) I cant remember which locker is mine
Johnny: well it probably isn't that one because that ones mine
Marissa: (nods, points) right, sorry
Johnny: (opens his locker) that's alright, the vice principal has all the locker assignments, I can walk you over there if you want (looks at Marissa) I got alot of experience being sent to the vice principals office (smiles)
Marissa: (laughs) thanks but my boyfriends gonna show up so
Johnny: well you could throw your books in here if you want
Marissa: (looks at the locker then Johnny, touched) thanks, hey I'm Marissa (smiles, holds out hand)
Johnny: (shakes Marissa's hand) nice to me you I'm-
Casey: (off screen, yells) Johnny!
(Johnny looks over and we see Casey walking down a ramp towards Johnny and Marissa, a guy is with her on his skateboard, who we find out in a second is Dennis)
Casey: (smiles) hey
Dennis: hey Johnny, what's up
(Dennis knocks into a guy who was walking on the ramp and he falls off his skateboard. they both tumble down to the end of the ramp. eek. Johnny and Marissa see it. Marissa screws up her face)
Dennis: (rolls on the ground, screws up his face) its alright, I'm ok
(Casey walks over to Johnny and kisses him then holds onto his arm)
Johnny: (smiles) this is Casey my girlfriend
(Marissa looks at Johnny then Casey)
Casey: oh yeah actually we've met, so I see you survived your first day
(Marissa tips her head side to side, as if to say I guess so. Dennis slowly gets up off the ground)
Dennis: oww, I think I hurt something (picks up skateboard)
Johnny: and that's Dennis
(Marissa looks over at Dennis)
Dennis: (waves) Childers, everyone calls me Chili
Johnny: no one calls him Chili (shakes head)
Dennis: not if you keep tellin people that, I'm tryin'a get a nickname, handle, a hook (makes claw with his hand) (Marissa smiles)
Casey: hey, you wanna come with us, where gonna go get something to eat
Johnny: (looks at Casey) oh Marissa's actually waiting for her boyfriend
Dennis: boyfriend (Marissa looks at him) that's gonna be a problem for me because I love you
(Casey and Marissa looks at Dennis. Johnny looks at Marissa)
Dennis: I fall fast an hard
Casey: on a skateboard
Dennis: (laughs) oh zing
Casey: (looks at Marissa) hey um what if we jus gave you a ride home
Johnny: yeah I mean wouldn't you rather come to school tomorrow knowing a few people, even if one of em is um...Chili
Dennis: (happy) hey (points) the nicknames stickin
(Casey and Marissa smile at Dennis. Johnny looks at Marissa, hopeful)
Casey: c'mon what'do you say
Marissa: (bites lip) ummmm (thinks) yeah ok let me jus make a call
(Marissa walks away from the group - outside in the parking lot we see Ryan pull up in the range rover. his cell phone rings)
Ryan: (answers) hey
(from the car we can see Marissa walking towards the fence on her cell phone. this means that Ryan can see her from where he is)
Marissa: hey it's me, I was gonna see if you'd left already
Ryan: uhhh-
Marissa: because some people asked me to get food an I know I should try an make friends, but if you've already left then
(Ryan watches Marissa on the phone)
Marissa: Ryan
Ryan: no no go ahead I was jus gettin in the car
Marissa: you sure
Ryan: yeah yeah uh jus call me later ok
Marissa: ok, bye (hangs up) alright
(Johnny Casey and Dennis look over. Johnny has his arm around Casey. aww. Ryan watches from the car as Marissa walks out of the school next to Dennis, laughing and smiling! Ryan goes to drive away)
CUT TO: Marissa's bedroom the next morning - Marissa goes to put her things in the same Chanel bag as yesterday but decides against it. she opens a drawer and pulls out a black bag that isn't so attention grabbing. we hear a knock at the door and Julie walks in
Julie: good morning, d'you have a second
Marissa: (looks over) yeah, sure what's up
Julie: uhh...how would you like to uh...stay with Summer for a few days
Marissa: sure, any reason
Julie: oh, its such a mess (sits) you see I- I told Caleb's lawyer that we were thinking about moving he thought that meant we already had a place so he put this house on the market
Marissa: (doesn't buy it) we're getting kicked out, aren't we
Julie: no, of course not its jus
Marissa: mom Caleb was broke, it makes sense we'd have'ta sell everything, you know you don't have'ta protect me
Julie: well then d'you think it would be alright with Summer if you stayed until we got back on our feet (confident) an we will get back on our feet (nods) an we'll be wearing very expensive shoes when we do (smiles)
Marissa: I trust you
Julie: (suprised) you do
Marissa: yeah I mean I know we've had our differences but if there's one thing ill always say (raises eyebrows) its your a survivor, so if you say we'll make it I believe you
Julie: (touched) oh honey (stands, hugs Marissa) thankyou
Marissa: sure...besides you must've saved alotta money over the years (looks at Julie) right
Julie: ...of course (smiles)
CUT TO: Cohen front door - we hear a doorbell and Kirsten opens the door
Kirsten: hello
(we see a guy standing with his back to Kirsten. holding a bouquet of flowers. he turns around and smiles at Kirsten)
Guy: hi, uh Kirsten Cohen
Kirsten: uh, yeah
Guy: these are for you (holds out the flowers)
Kirsten: thank you
(the guy leaves and Kirsten shuts the door. in the flowers we can see a card sticking out. Kirsten reads it)
CUT TO: Summers house - we see Summer pull up out the front in her car. Marissa is in the passenger seat
Marissa: thanks for letting me stay with you (gets out of the car) on such late notice
Summer: oh (gets out of the car) you know, I always wanted a sister (Marissa smiles) Cohen got Ryan as a brother so it makes sense that I get you
Marissa: (remembers, picks up phone) oh god Ryan, I'm suppose'ta be having breakfast with him this morning, I totally forgot
Summer: (looks at Marissa) oooooo
(we now see Ryan sitting in a booth at the diner by himself :(. his phone rings)
Ryan: (answers) hey
Marissa: I am a terrible girlfriend
Ryan: (smiles) no
(Summer is in the background looking at Marissa's stuff in her car)
Summer: heeeeeey, this is my top I knew you had it (Marissa rolls her eyes)
Ryan: (hears) are you with Summer
Marissa: yeah, my mom an I are getting kicked out of our house
Ryan: (frowns) what
Marissa: (shrugs) we found out this morning which is why I had'ta pack up an move inta Summers (frowns) an I just totally forgot about breakfast
Ryan: its fine, I mean with everything your going through I don't want you worryin about me too, just um (shakes head) I don't know (raises eyebrows) ill pick you up this afternoon we'll do somethin then
Marissa: ok, thanks (hangs up)
(Ryan hangs up)
Summer: (looks) what else of mine d'you have in here
CUT TO: Cohen house - we hear the phone ring and see that Kirsten is already holding the phone
Kirsten: (answers) hello
(we then see Charlotte on her phone. we can't tell where exactly she is yet)
Charlotte: Kirsten, its Charlotte
Kirsten: oh hey Charlotte, how are you
Charlotte: well I am sitting here staring at the lake an wishing my friend was here to share it
Kirsten: aww, well the flowers were beautiful, thankyou
Charlotte: oh I'm glad you liked them, listen I'm gonna be in the area tomorrow (stands) I was hopin we could maybe meet, lunch or coffee
Kirsten: oh lunch sounds great
Charlotte: great how bout uh the Newport Bay Yacht Club
Kirsten: sounds great, ill see you tomorrow, let's say one o'clock
Charlotte: perfect (smiles) bye (hangs up)
(we can now see that Charlotte is in like a motel room. a guy comes out of what looks like the bathroom and goes over to Charlotte. its the same guy who delivered Kirsten's flowers)
Guy: finally, she better come through with that money now
Charlotte: (looks at Guy) trust me she will (smiles) (cutesy face) and she loved her flowers
Guy: (laughs) right
CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer is walking in the hall carrying a huge binder. Taylor is there talking with another girl, she sees Summer and goes over to her
Taylor: Summer
Summer: (frowns) wait just a second, I was up all night going over the budget for the dance an I don't know how the school expects us ta-
Taylor: (softly) c'mere (pulls Summer to the side)
Summer: what're you doing
Taylor: ok um
(Taylor looks around cautiously, then back at Summer)
Taylor: if I tell you this, you did not hear it from me ok (Summer shakes her head) I mean this has'ta be secret, I mean I'm talking deep-throat before he went public to cash in on the fat book deal
Summer: (confused) wait, what're you talking about
Taylor: (looks around again then whispers) I was walking by the teachers lounge, an I heard Dean Hess telling Dr. Kim that he knew Seth hadn't stolen the tiki hut alone, which by the way I totally forgive him for
Summer: (frustrated) Taylor (closes eyes)
Taylor: ok, but if Seth didn't tell him by the end of the day who the other person was...he was gonna suspend him
Summer: (shocked) oh my god, are you serious
(Seth walks over to them)
Seth: whats the matter
(Taylor and Summer look at Seth with open mouths)
Summer: oh, hey, Taylor was jus telling me that um (Taylor looks at Summer) Dr. Bootyopolis (raises eyebrows) was found on a paedophile website (Seth screws up his face) we have got to replace him, Taylor you know (nods) good job
Taylor: yeah no problem, um ill see you later (waves)
Summer: ok
Taylor: ok (walks away)
Seth: I still can't believe your letting her help with the dance (points)
Summer: you know she's not so bad
Seth: (softly) a paedophile website, what was she doin on it
(Summer and Seth walk away)
CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - we see the over door open and then close again. Sandy comes in and Kirsten takes off the oven glove and goes over to the fridge
Kirsten: ah, just give me a few minutes, the quiche is almost ready
Sandy: (impressed) the quiche (raises eyebrows) for lunch, wow, I could get use'ta this (smiles)
Kirsten: is everything ok
Sandy: yeah...yeah, listen I put this off as long as possible but we really have'ta make a decision about the Newport Group
Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) ok...what's the situation
Sandy: well I've done my best ta stay on top'a things but Caleb's financial troubles have left a huge hole in the company (Kirsten listens) pretty soon all that will be left is the name
Kirsten: how long before we default on our loans
Sandy: six weeks (tips head side to side) its not too late to rescue it, if that's what you want we could sell off some assets...restructure the debt
Kirsten: (nods) option two
Sandy: sell everything an walk away, I'm behind you either way, an jus so you know this family is fine financially so don't make this decision thinking that we need your income (shakes head) we don't
Kirsten: (thinks) its time ta let it go...
Sandy: ill handle everything
(Sandy leaves the kitchen. Kirsten looks as though she's thinking)
CUT TO: Harbor school - there is a knock on Jacks door. Jack is sitting at his desk working
Jack: come in
(Summer opens the door and pokes her head in)
Summer: Dean Hess
(Jack looks up at Summer. Summer goes in and shuts the door)
Summer: hi (Jack looks at her) look IIII (closes eyes) I helped Seth steal that tiki hut (shakes head) or borrow it, whatever
Jack: I had a feeling you might've helped out
Summer: helped out, please I did all'a the work old noodle arms (raises eyebrows) he couldn't even lift a palm tree leaf without (stops herself) anyway, that's the truth
Jack: you know, Summer...with this on your record (shrugs) I cant very well allow you to remain as social chair
Summer: wait look, please I really have grown to love that job (Jack sits back) (realises) wait a second who would...replace me um...Taylor (looks at Jack)
Jack: hmm well Taylor's pretty qualified for the position, ill let her know you suggested her
Summer: (looks away, clenches teeth) I'm such an idiot (looks at Jack) you were never gonna suspend Seth, were you
Jack: you're late for class Summer
(Summer stands there, dazed - am I the only one who believed Taylor had actually changed? lol yes I'm gullible *sigh*)
CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is in an office doing work. Julie comes to the doorway and knocks
Julie: Sandy
Sandy: Julie, have a seat (motions) what can I do for ya
Julie: uh it's such a small thing, really jus uh...what exactly are the rules about loans to company officers (Sandy leans back) well in this case former officers
Sandy: so you want a loan from the Newport Group
Julie: I could pay it back within a year tops, two outside
Sandy: well (puts out hands) first off (stands) you can't take personal loans from a company, people go to jail for that, an secondly, in a few weeks there isn't gonna be a Newport Group anymore
Julie: (shocked) what
Sandy: yeah Kirsten's not coming back'ta work, so we're gonna liquidate the company
Julie: wow its-its uh (picks up a picture) it's all really ending hm
Sandy: hey forgive me for asking but uh...where do ya stand financially cause Kirsten an I could lend you-
Julie: (turns around) no no um the loan was just for convenience really I I'm looking to put a down payment on a house I found this really great place on the beach, ill jus sell some stock you know I have too much anyway (smiles) (Sandy looks at her, unconvinced) uh you get back to your liquidating (Sandy raises his eyebrows) please tell Kirsten ill stop by soon I promise
Sandy: sure
(Julie leaves the office and stops just around the corner, she looks stunned)
CUT TO: Harbor school - we see Taylor at her locker. she shuts it and turns around to walk off. an angry Summer is standing in front of her with her arms folded
Taylor: Summer
Summer: no (puts hand up) jus so you know (points) you an your friend the Dean may of won this round but the war is not over (glares at Taylor)
Taylor: (scoffs) well unless you have an exit strategy, don't even get out of the boat, I am a human quagmire
(Taylor walks off)
Summer: (stops a guy) what's a quagmire (guy walks away) (talking to everyone in the hall) hello...anyone...quagmire...
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa shuts her locker and notices the dance poster. she goes over and looks at it. Johnny comes over
Johnny: you thinkin of going
Marissa: (looks) uh well I don't know, does it have a theme
Johnny: (looks at Marissa) theme
Marissa: yeah like uh Winter Wonderland or Under The Sea
Johnny: I think the theme is, school gym bag'a pretzels an Chili spikes the punch (smiles) pretty much the same theme every year
Marissa: (smiles) right, I don't think ill be going then (Johnny looks at her) (adds quickly) not because (points) it doesn't have a theme just
Johnny: no look I-I know I made it sound like not much fun (thinks) cause it isn't, but you should go really, Dennis an Casey an I are going, we'll all not have fun together (Marissa smiles)
(Heather comes over)
Heather: excuse me (Marissa and Johnny look at her) hey uh, I jus wanted to apologise about yesterday I-I was actin like a jerk
Marissa: don't worry about it
Heather: so then your not gonna (louder) shoot me uh-hm (Marissa looks at her)
(Heather looks around at all the kids who are now looking at Marissa. she's pleased with herself)
Heather: I mean isn't that why you got kicked outta that private school (Johnny looks at her) cause you shot someone
(Marissa looks at Heather and then walks off. Heather looks at Johnny. Johnny goes after Marissa. Heather watches - the next thing we see is Marissa crying against the fence)
Johnny: Marissa (Marissa wipes her eyes) don't listen'ta her
Marissa: why, she's right, that's why I'm here an now everyone's gonna know
Johnny: yeah well...everyone already kinda knew
Marissa: (shakes head) I jus thought if I came here (sniffs) then maybe id get a second chance
(Johnny goes and leans against the fence next to Marissa)
Johnny: look, I saw the news...I know you-you did what you had'ta do, it said you saved someone's life that night (Marissa closes her eyes) not alotta people would do that (looks at Marissa) hm
(we now see Ryan pull up in the parking lot. he looks over and sees Marissa leaning against the lockers near the fence. Johnny is in front of her with his hand on the top of the fence. Ryan quickly gets out of the car - Marissa sniffs and wipes her eyes)
Johnny: c'mon lets go find Casey
Ryan: (calls) what's goin on
(Johnny and Marissa look)
Marissa: Ryan
Ryan: (runs over) hey, what's wrong (to Johnny) what'did you do to her
Marissa: nothing, I'm fine (to Johnny) this is my
Johnny: boyfriend I'm guessing (holds hand out) hey
(Ryan doesn't shake Johnny's hand, he looks at Marissa. Johnny looks at Marissa as well. Marissa looks at Johnny, clearly embarrassed and uncomfortable. Ryan finally shakes Johnny's hand)
Johnny: ill see you guys later
Marissa: Johnny
Johnny: its cool (smiles, nods)
Marissa: (looks at Ryan) he was jus trying to be nice
(Marissa walks off, upset. Ryan stands there, alone again :( )
CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan is sitting in the doorway near the pool, studying. Seth comes into the pool house
Seth: hey
Ryan: (mumbles) hey
Seth: dead or alives playin at the lido, you me yakuza blood bath, we're there (makes a sword motion with his arms)
Ryan: uh yeah I can't uh Miss Reed really uh loaded me up with alotta work so (looks at Seth)
Seth: I'm not buyin it looks like we got an emotional thing goin on (shakes head) alright, c'mon buddy get ready (claps, sits) a little old fashioned Seth Ryan time
Ryan: alright fine (turns to face Seth) uh so yesterday I went to pick up Marissa at school
Seth: oh Marissa (rubs hands) didn't see that one comin (Ryan looks at him out the corner of his eyes) (grins) continue
Ryan: thanks, and I thought I saw this guy...I-I misjudged the situation (looks at Seth) and uh...I over reacted and IIII might've (shrugs) maybe embarrassed her (Seth scratches his nose and frowns) I embarrassed her (looks down)
Seth: now you're tearin yourself apart, wondering if you've not only damaged her standing at a new school but perhaps also your relationship
Ryan: more or less
Seth: well that is a pickle (stands)
Ryan: that's it, no advice
Seth: what advice, call her an apologise (shakes head) its not rocket science, man you home-school kids are pathetic
CUT TO: Summers backyard - Summer is sitting on the edge of the pool with her feet in the water, she's also wearing sunglasses. Marissa is sitting nearby also wearing sunglasses
Summer: why aren't you going to the dance
Marissa: gee, I don't know, maybe because in one day I went from being the girl no one knows (looks at Summer) to the girl who shot someone
Summer: I thought you said the surfer guy was cool about it
Marissa: yeah, he was but
Summer: but nothing, why don't you call him an jus tell him that your gonna go
Marissa: well what about Ryan (Summer looks at her) I mean he looked like he wanted to kill Johnny (sadly) an it's not like id go without him
Summer: well you have to (Marissa looks at her) harsh, I know but you know what, your at a new school an there is a dance its like social survival 101
(Marissa's cell phone rings. she takes off her sunglasses and looks at who is calling)
Marissa: it's Ryan
Summer: ok time to go mystic?, ugh I need to even out (walks away)
Marissa: (answers) hey
Ryan: hey, how you doin
Marissa: good
Ryan: good listen um...about yesterday
Marissa: it was my fault, you know I was just upset, your reaction was normal
Ryan:(thrown) ...ok uh...so you wanna go to the movies later tonight I could um beat up the usher, get us some free milk duds
Marissa: (smiles) actually I was thinking of doing my homework, its just it's the first week an I wanna make a good impression
Ryan: (thrown) sure...
Marissa: but ill probably need a break, so uh we'll talk later ok
Ryan: yeah, yeah sounds good (hangs up)
CUT TO: Newport Bay Yacht Club - we see Charlotte walk in the door. the way she is dressed and has her hair looks alot like Kirsten's style. very creepy. she walks over to the table Kirsten is sitting at
Charlotte: hey you
Kirsten: oooh hey (hugs Charlotte) its great to see you
Charlotte: oh you too (smiles, looks at Kirsten) you look amazing
Kirsten: oh thankyou, so do you (sits)
Charlotte: well (sits) it was all that time at my dads
Kirsten: yeah, it was such a wonderful place
Charlotte: how lucky were we, I mean to be able to go someplace (closes eyes) so peaceful
Kirsten: you're right, it's a shame everyone can't stay there
Charlotte: (smiles) ...well what if there...was a place (nods) like the lake house where women could go between rehab an the real world
Kirsten: that would beee amazing (raises eyebrows)
Charlotte: yeah that's what some investor friends of mine thought too (smiles) see I pitched the idea to a few people, I even started looking at properties, I'm thinkin Sedona (excited) an then I realised Kirsten has'ta be apart of this (smiles)
Kirsten: you mean invest (raises eyebrows)
Charlotte: oh it would just be a couple million to start, ill be assuming (touches chest) most of the risk an you'd get it all back within the first few years
Kirsten: ...well I'm flattered but I don't have that kinda money
Charlotte: (laughs) please, don't be so modest
Kirsten: I wish I was (raises eyebrows) when my father died he left nothing (nods, smiles)
(Charlotte looks at Kirsten shocked. Kirsten laughs)
Charlotte: really I (shakes head) I just assumed (shrugs, frowns) I mean after you-you went ta the reading of the will everything was great
Kirsten: everything is, things with Sandy an my kids have never been better
Charlotte: (smiles, dazed) well that is so wonderful that you've got your priorities in place
(Kirsten smiles. Charlotte is clearly panicking despite the happy front she is putting on)
Charlotte: w- so what about the Newport Group as a silent partner
Kirsten: I'm selling it (raises eyebrows) you know it's riddled with debt an unpaid loans an I just figured
Charlotte: (pointed) better to rid yourself of every last vestige of your dad
Kirsten: well I- I don't know if id put it that way (frowns)
Charlotte: its classic Kirsten, you're hoping that by closing up shop all your issues with your dad'll just disappear
Kirsten: it's not like that (shakes head)
Charlotte: I've ben there (leans forward) I think its-its so great that your tryin'a put the past behind you its jus (Kirsten looks at her) not that easy (Kirsten looks away) I'm sorry I jus, I don't want you to be disappointed when the issues remain even after the company's sold (Kirsten looks at her) anyway, invest or not you are welcome anytime, Sedona's beautiful (smiles) (Kirsten smiles) so what's good here
(Kirsten looks as though she's thinking about what Charlotte said)
CUT TO: Cooper-Nichol mansion - we hear the doorbell and Julie opens the front door
Julie: oh no not you again (tries to shut the door)
(a uniformed officer pushes in along with movers. the suited man from before talks to Julie)
Julie: hey! (glares)
Man: Mrs. Nichol please don't make this more difficult than it has'ta be
Julie: more difficult, who are they w-w- what're they doing
Man: if you haven't already done so, I suggest you take this time to pack your personal belongings (points) the deputy is here to see you don't interfere with the movers
Julie: (stunned) oh my god (sits)
CUT TO: Summers backyard - Marissa is sitting on the pool lounge reading. we hear the doorbell
Marissa: (calls) Sum, your door
(Marissa goes back to reading and we hear the doorbell again, this time more urgent)
Marissa: (frowns) Summer!
(after a few seconds Marissa goes inside and heads to the front door. Marissa opens the door and we see Casey and Johnny hugging. Dennis is sitting on a railing a little behind them)
Johnny: suprise
Marissa: (suprised) hey, what're you guys doing here
Casey: we came to take you to the school dance
Marissa: oh thanks, but I'm not going
Dennis: (yells) you could be my date (waves) Marissa (Marissa looks at him)
Casey: way to bait the hook Dennis
Johnny: it's a school dance you gotta go, if you don't show up people might start to talk, you'd
hate for that to happen right
(Marissa looks like she's caving!)
Casey: besides since we're not leaving without you (looks at Johnny) you'd be ruining our night too (puts her head on Johnny's shoulder)
(Marissa looks as though she's trying to decide. Dennis watches her)
CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Sandy and Kirsten are in there together, and there are some grocery bags on the bench. Seth and Ryan come in from outside
Ryan: yo
Seth: hey, you stocking the larder
Sandy: your moms making me lamb ragoo, its French, now where you headed (Ryan touches his arm on the way out) (looks at Seth) where are you headed
Seth: uh dance, there's a beach theme
Ryan: yeah I'm gonna drop in on Marissa, see if she needs a study break maybe grab a bite (waves)
Sandy: well your welcome ta join us
Kirsten: you two have fun (smiles)
Seth: (waves) enjoy
(Sandy looks at Seth as he leaves the kitchen. he is wearing a very nice shirt jacket and tie up top, on the bottom half he has shorts and casual shoes on. he does a cool little walk and he looks adorable)
Sandy: honey I got everything on the list including a little chunky monkey but that's mostly for me, alright, its all for me (puts it in the cupboard)
Kirsten: (distracted) ...thanks sweetie
Sandy: is everything ok...listen if your not up to cooking we can order in (Kirsten looks at him) its alot safer
Kirsten: (smiles) no no it's just (thinks) I'm doing the right thing closing down the Newport Group, I'm not hiding right
Sandy: hiding (raises eyebrows) no, you're putting the past behind ya (Kirsten looks away) what is it
Kirsten: (softly) nothing (looks at Sandy) we forgot the oregano, ill be right back
(Kirsten grabs the car keys and starts heading out of the kitchen)
Sandy: (worried) you never mentioned oregano
Kirsten: I forgot, ill be back soon (leaves)
(Sandy looks worried)
CUT TO: Summers house - Marissa comes down the stairs out the front. she's now dressed for the dance
Dennis: woooo
Johnny: alright here we go
Dennis: whoa
Casey: check you out girl, you look great
(Marissa heads over to their car and a light shines on her. we see the range rover pull up with Seth and of course Ryan in it. they both look over at Marissa. Marissa looks at them, suprised)
Seth: (frowns) I thought Marissa was studying
Ryan: so did I
Seth: see, that's the problem with the suprise pop in
(Ryan and Seth get out the car. Marissa walks over to Ryan)
Marissa: Ryan, hey
(softly in the background)
Casey: he looks kinda mad
Johnny: yeah I think that's his look
Seth: I'm gonna go get Summer before uh, things get awkward
Ryan: I thought you were studying tonight
Marissa: I was
Dennis: (stands in the car) underlay reeba reeba
Ryan: he your lab partner (half smiles)
Marissa: uh there's this dance tonight at Newport Union...I was gonna tell you I jus didn't-
Ryan: is this (looks down) about yesterday (frowns)
Marissa: no I swear (Ryan looks down) hey look I wish I didn't have'ta go to this its just...being there every day alone, I mean I really need these friends Ryan
(Ryan looks over at Casey, Johnny and Dennis waiting in the car for Marissa, then at Marissa. Marissa looks at him)
Ryan: you're right you should go (nods)
(Marissa gives Ryan a kiss on the cheek then runs over to the car)
Casey: wooo, she's comin
(Johnny starts the car. Ryan looks down, then away sadly. he looks up again just as the car drives passed. Ryan waves to them and forces a smile, it goes as soon as the car goes passed. Summer and Seth come down the stairs)
Seth: you ok
Ryan: fine, have fun (smiles) (Seth looks at him worried)
Summer: hey man, I'm sorry about all of the confusion (Ryan waves it off)
Seth: (to Summer) a little heads up would've been great woman (to Ryan) don't you worry I'm gonna take care of her
Ryan: sure, see ya
(Summer and Seth get in Summers car and drive off. Seth watches Ryan as they pull away. Ryan stands in the driveway alone, once again :(. he opens the range rover door - I just have to say that the car Marissa got into with her new friends is a less fancy version of the jeep thing that Ryan and Seth got into to go to the party after the fashion show in season 1. Marissa is basically going through everything Ryan did)
CUT TO: Newport Unions dance - we see a DJ playing some music, a few balloons, a table set up for food and drinks and some streamers hanging down from the roof. at the gym doors we see Casey, Johnny, Dennis and Marissa come in. Marissa stands next to Casey and looks around
Dennis: (holding flask) time to add a little flavour to the punch (raises eyebrows) get this party started
(Casey and Marissa smile as Dennis goes over to the punch)
Johnny: ah, now it's officially a school dance (nods)
(we see Dennis casually walk over to the punch and pour the flasks contents in. Marissa looks around at the other kids, she sees Heather and her friends sitting over on the other side of the gym. Heather gets the attention of two of the girls. Marissa looks at them. Heather taps another girl who is sitting in front of her, and points towards Marissa. Marissa is still watching. Heather makes a fake gun with her hand and points it at Marissa, she bends her thumb for the trigger, pulls back her hand like she's putting down the "gun" and smiles at Marissa)
Marissa: (uncomfortable) um hey you know what just excuse me (walks away)
(Dennis, Casey and Johnny look around confused. they look at each other then over at Heather who waves and smiles at them. Johnny realises and goes after Marissa. we then see Marissa sit down on a bench by herself. Johnny Dennis and Casey come in behind her
Casey: Marissa wait
Marissa: (looks up) what am I suppose'ta do, there all staring at me
Dennis: hey that is exactly when you get in there, you throw down a little cardboard an you (dances) make it happen you know (Marissa looks at him) cut a little rug that's what id do
Marissa: yeah but I'm not you
Casey: yeah you got that to be thankful for
Dennis: (frowns) a li- a little hurtful but a good point
Johnny: look (sits) public school kids, all kids really, there like dogs (Marissa frowns) they smell fear
Dennis: and (points) they like frisbees (Casey frowns)
Johnny: (laughs) you jus gotta go back in there an act like there not lookin at'cha
Casey: come on, what'do you say (smiles)
Johnny: c'mon
(Marissa stands up and walks towards them)
Casey: c'mon
Dennis: if it'll make you feel better ill show you a couple of moves
CUT TO: Harbor school dance - Seth and Summer are about to walk in to the dance
Seth: (frowns) I'm jus worried about Ryan I feel like he's, feelin left out
(Seth opens the door to the dance. and we see what he sees, it is incredible. there is sand for the floor, a lifeguard tower. surfboards. a huge screen up on the stage that has surfing on it. and lights strung between poles. Summer and Seth walk in)
Summer: well (unsure) do you like it, I know it's not like Marissa's dances but
Seth: Summer, its incredible
Summer: yeah (looks at Seth)
Seth: its like you've brought the ocean to us (looks at Summer) my little human tsunami
Summer: (frowns) thanks
(Taylor is up on the stage with a microphone)
Taylor: hi everybody, everyone hi (waves) I'm Taylor Townsend your social chair, an I would like to thankyou all for coming (everyone claps)
(Summer looks at Seth, not happy)
Seth: relax she's not taking credit for it
Taylor: thankyou (laughs) so this dance has been my baby now for quite a while
(Summer looks at Seth)
Seth: ok she's taking credit for it
Summer: I am going to kill her
Taylor: but there is one person without whos' help none of this (shakes head) could ever of happened
Seth: see she's gonna-
Taylor: (points) Dean Hess
Seth: oh
(everybody claps and cheers as Jack goes up onto the stage. Summer looks even more pissed off)
Jack: thankyou
Summer: I am going to kill the both of them (goes to walk over to the stage)
Seth: (pulls Summer back to him) wait
(Summer tries to wriggle away from Seth but she can't)
Taylor: so everyone have fun because this really is the end of summer
(Taylor looks at Summer smugly. Summer glares back at her with an open mouth)
Seth: well you kinda set yourself up for that one
(Summer glares at Taylor. Taylor looks back at her, pleased with herself. Taylor shakes Jacks hand. then we see some shots of dancing)
CUT TO: Pacific Sands motel - the guy from earlier is in the room with Charlotte
Guy: I knew it ok, from the beginning i knew this plan was crap, spending thirty grand to go ta rehab just to find a mark
Charlotte: (comes out of the bathroom) it made sense, every woman there was vulnerable an rich
Guy: yeah except the one you picked out, I mean what the hell we suppose'ta do now
Charlotte: listen this woman is the princess of Orange County, ok, I...I will find (touches his shoulders) a way to use her (kisses him) ok, I am not gonna let Kirsten Cohen get away
(Charlotte kisses him and then pushes him down on the bed. she climbs on top of him and kisses him again. she sits up and takes her robe off. at this moment you could easily mistaken her for Kirsten. especially the way she has her hair)
CUT TO: Newport Group - we see a close up a photo frame. it is meant to be a photo of Caleb with a young Kirsten. we then see through the window that Kirsten is sitting on the couch looking at the photo frame. Sandy slowly goes over to her
Sandy: I didn't know (Kirsten looks up) you kept oregano stashed in here (smiles)
Kirsten: hey
Sandy: hey
Kirsten: recognise this (holds up the photo Julie looked at earlier)
Sandy: sure, it's the grath? building on ocean
Kirsten: built in nineteen twenty two...it was gonna be torn down...an I convinced my father ta restore it (looks at Sandy) it was my first project (smiles reminiscently) ...all those years...he was right on the other side'a that wall an no matter how hard I worked...I was never gonna reach him
Sandy: honey (Kirsten looks at him) we can keep the company
Kirsten: (shakes head, teary) no...I jus needed to say goodbye
(Sandy looks at Kirsten lovingly. Kirsten looks at Sandy then leans over the back of the couch closer to Sandy)
Kirsten: (smiles) I guess it's too late for dinner
Sandy: how d'you feel about a picnic (holds up the basket)
Kirsten: aaaah
CUT TO: The Diner - we see a table being cleaned, then in the background Ryan comes into focus. he is sitting at a booth by himself with his head resting on his hand. he looks bored. the diner is dark except for his booth. we hear his cell phone ring
Ryan: (answers) hey man
(we then see Seth on his cell phone at the dance. he has his finger in his ear)
Seth: hey man I jus wanted to see how you're doing
Ryan: I'm great, how's the dance
Seth: aaah good, I sent Summer for a cool down lap around the building, listen...I jus wanted to make sure your not taking this Marissa thing too seriously
Ryan: (smiles) Seth its fine I get it
Seth: (frowns) yeah, ok, I jus wanted to make sure you don't think she's pullin away or you know your gonna look back on tonight an say (Ryan frowns, listening) it's when I started losing her, I-I should'a done something
Ryan: (softly) ah-huh
Seth: because I'm just I'm here to tell ya that that's not gonna happen I'm talking like zero chance
Ryan: right (blinks)
Seth: ok, well I jus, I wanted to make sure you knew that
Ryan: (dazed) ...yeah look I gotta go
Seth: yeah ok ill talk to you later
(Ryan hangs up)
Seth: (hangs up) hmm
(Ryan grabs his jacket and goes over to the waitress)
Ryan: can I get the cheque
(we then see Ryan driving in the range rover. we then see him running up to the Newport Union gym doors. he stops just inside the doorway and looks around. he sees Marissa laughing and having a good time with Dennis, Johnny and Casey, he watches them for a second. Johnny looks at Casey and smiles. Marissa smiles at both of them. we see a close up of Ryan's face, he realises Marissa doesn't need him. Seth goes over to him, carrying his skateboard, lol)
Seth: (calls) Ryan, hey
Ryan: (turns around) Seth, what're you doin here
Seth: I'm here to stop ya man, an if that means throwing myself between you an the gym...I'm only gonna ask that you spare my face (frowns)
Ryan: it's ok
Seth: (looks at Ryan) no rush in
(we see more of Marissa having a good time)
Ryan: (looks at Marissa then Seth) it'd jus ruin it (shrugs)
Seth: (sighs, relieved) your doin the right thing man your not gonna lose her (shakes head) (Ryan looks at him) can you give me a ride (touches Ryan's arm) my left legs really tired (Ryan nods)
(we see Marissa laugh then look over towards the doorway. she sees a glimpse of Ryan's jacket disappearing. she frowns, not quite sure what she saw)
CUT TO: Harbor school dance - Summer is walking with her cell phone to her ear amongst the crowd, she hears the below message
Seth: this is Seth its two thousand five you know how these things work
Summer: Cohizzle, where are you (frowns) you said you'd only be gone like ten minutes
(Summer stops and sees Taylor acting suspiciously. Taylor goes behind something which shows us her shadow then it/she disappears. Summer hangs up her phone and follows the direction that Taylor went. we see Summers shadow and then it disappears - we then see Summer peeking around a corner out in the dark halls. she walks down the hall to a corner and from here she can see Taylor kissing someone behind double doors. she can't see the other person. just Taylor who is very into it. Summer hides around the corner then after a few seconds looks again. Taylor stops kissing the other person, smiles and walks away. Summer watches and then becomes wide eyed. we then see what she is seeing which is Taylor looking sexily at the other person, who is none other than Jack Hess aka the Dean. when Taylor walks away Jack opens one of the double doors and comes out. Summer quickly moves back behind the corner)
Summer: (stunned) oh my god
(we then see Jack open a door and go through it. the camera goes back to where Summer was standing, but she's no longer there)
CUT TO: a motel room - Julie turns on the light and shuts the door. out of her window we can see the light from a green neon light, probably a sign. Julie slowly goes over and sits down on one of the two single beds. she looks around sadly then picks up the TV remote and turns it on. she goes over to her bag and puts it down at the end of the other bed. she sits down on the bed and unzips it. she pulls out a top and starts crying. she lies down on the bed and curls up, crying | Plan: A: Marissa adapts; Q: How does Marissa adapt to Newport Union? A: Newport; Q: Where does Charlotte arrive with big plans for Kirsten? A: their relationship; Q: What is Ryan worried the separation will affect? A: Taylor schemes; Q: What does Taylor do to try to fix the feud between Seth and Dean Hess? A: Summer; Q: Who finds a way to backfire on Taylor's scheme? A: the Newport Group; Q: Sandy takes over the future of what? A: a Newport Beach socialite; Q: What is Julie no longer considered? A: The Band; Q: What band is this episode named after? Summary: Marissa adapts to Newport Union, but Ryan is worried the separation will affect their relationship. Taylor schemes with Seth and Dean Hess' feud, but Summer finds a way to backfire. Meanwhile, Charlotte arrives in Newport with big plans for Kirsten. Sandy takes over the future of the Newport Group. Also, Julie may no longer be considered a Newport Beach socialite. This episode is named after an album by The Band . |
Act One
Scene One - Therapist's Room. A female therapist, Dr. McCaskill, is holding up an ink-blot to Daphne.
McCaskill: What do you see here?
Daphne: It's two bunnies clawing each other to death over a lima bean. [McCaskill writes in her pad] Forgive me, Dr. McCaskill, but this game seems rather silly.
McCaskill: Well, I understand how you might feel that way but it's helpful to me. Now, last one. [holds another ink-blot up]
Daphne: It's a woman.
McCaskill: [noting down] Okay, then.
Daphne: She's skinning a pigeon with a hatchet.
McCaskill makes changes to her original note.
Daphne: Are we done now?
McCaskill: I think we still have some work to do.
Daphne: I just don't think there's any good reason for me to be here.
McCaskill: The judge felt differently.
Daphne: Oh, what does he know? Saying I need anger management! I'm not an angry person, I never have been.
McCaskill: Daphne, wasn't it anger that led you to cause that four-car accident?
Daphne: Well, yes, but I was provoked into that. I'm not angry anymore.
McCaskill: Well, there may be a level of emotion you're not entirely in touch with. Let's talk about your life in general. You said you had a fiancé?
Daphne: Yes, Donny. He's a wonderful, generous man...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Niles's Apartment. Daphne carries on talking to her therapist as she flashes back
to this scene: Daphne is sat on the fainting couch made up in a beautiful dress. Her air is expectant..
Daphne: [v.o.] ...in fact, he did the sweetest thing for me last week, totally out of the blue.
Everyone jumps out yelling "surprise!" and rushes to meet her. From the way she gasps and bugs her eyes, we see her surprise is total. She's shaking like a leaf as Donny holds her. Niles, Mel, Frasier, Roz and Martin among others are there.
Donny: Welcome to your shower, honey. Oh my God, you're trembling.
Daphne: Yes, well, I'm absolutely blown away.
Niles: Oh, come on, Daphne, you were on to us.
Daphne: No, really, you had me completely fooled.
Donny: We may have an even bigger surprise for you later on, but
first things first: let's get you some champagne.
Donny and Daphne kiss as Daphne speaks over the top.
Daphne: [v.o.] I'm not usually much for surprise parties, but I can see how much trouble Donny went to. He invited all my friends, made the food, he even planned some games.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Therapist's Room. Daphne carries on.
Daphne: We played this one game where everyone's in groups and each group dresses one person in a bridal gown made out of toilet paper. I can't remember what it's called...
McCaskill: [annoyed] "Toilet paper bridal gown"!
Daphne: Yes, that's it. Have you played?
McCaskill: I'm familiar with it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Four - Niles's Apartment. Daphne flashes back to later on that night. We see the three teams frantically trying to finish their gowns as Daphne sits on the couch.
Daphne: [v.o.] Then you know, as the bride, I had to judge which group made the best dress while another woman was in charge of...
Mel: [blows whistle loudly] Time!!! Stop right now, or you'll be disqualified. Team A!
[N.B. One of the few instances in the series of Jane Adams's remarkable lung power.]
Donny comes out wearing a mashed gown; he looks more like a mummy than a bride.
Daphne: [laughs] Very nice, Donny.
Mel: Team B!
Niles turns away from Martin, who simply has a few strips wrapped crosswise over his plaid shirt, and a clump on top of his head. He looks like a finished Christmas parcel.
Niles: We're not finished yet!
Martin: You shouldn't have spent so much time with the sketches!
Mel: Team C! Where's Team C? Team C, time!
Frasier exits from the kitchen singing the wedding march. He is followed by Roz in a most exquisite toilet paper gown - it looks almost real. She is carrying a toilet paper bouquet and so are her two toilet paper bridesmaids.
Frasier: You'll notice that I used the quilted variety for the bonnet and the edging on the veil.
Daphne: Well, you all look fantastic but I think we have a winner... Team C!
Roz throws her bouquet up in excitement; meanwhile Holly chats with Donny.
Holly: Donny, I'm sorry.
Donny: Oh, Holly, it's not your fault, I should have been more radiant.
Frasier walks up to Daphne.
Frasier: Daphne, if there happens to be another game that we play, do you think that you could arrange for me to be on the same team as your friend Holly there?
Daphne: Oh, developed a little crush, have we?
Frasier: As a matter of fact, I have. It's just that I haven't had much of a chance to get to speak with her at all.
Daphne: Well, I'll do what I can, but I'm not really in charge here-
Mel blows her whistle showing who's the dominant one.
Mel: [shouts] All right, people, next game - bridal charades!
The doorbell sounds, Donny takes Daphne to the door as Frasier chats with Roz.
Frasier: Roz, you know, some day you're going to make a beautiful bride. Of course, your dress won't be made out of toilet paper. [Roz laughs]
Niles: Or be white.
Roz playfully hits him with her bouquet as Donny makes an announcement.
Donny: Daphne, your big surprise has arrived. This is someone that I know you are dying to see.
Daphne: Your parents?
Donny: No, not till next week.
Daphne: [worried] My mother?
Donny: No, someone good.
Daphne: [hopeful] My brother?
Donny: Your favorite brother!
Daphne: [jumps up and down] Yeah, Steven!
Donny: Ste... no.
Daphne: Billy?
Donny: Em...
Daphne: Michael?
Donny: Well...
Daphne: Nigel? David?
The most drunken, boorish voice in the British Isles booms through the door.
Simon: [o.s.] Hello, thirsty man waitin' out here!
Daphne: [disgusted] Simon!
Donny opens the door to a brutish Brit who shoves his duffel bag in his face.
Simon: Daphne! Come 'ere.
He opens his arms for a hug and then twists her into a head-lock, mussing up her hair with his fists.
Daphne: Everyone, this is my brother, Simon. [they all greet him]
Simon: Stilts, aren't you a sight!
Niles: "Stilts"?
Daphne: Growing up I was a bit tall for my age.
Simon: Giant, like she was on stilts.
Daphne: They follow you, Simon.
Simon: Yeah, right. Well, it's nice to meet you all. Especially whichever one's the bartender.
Roz: [stands suggestively] Oh, that would be me!
Simon: Oh and a pretty little bartender you are.
Roz: Right this way.
Simon: After you. [follows her] I'd rather walk behind you anyway!
Roz: I just love your accent, it's so sophisticated!
[SCENE_BREAK]
MANCHESTER UNITED
Scene Five - Niles's Apartment. We pick up where we left off. Martin and Frasier are talking to Donny by the door.
Donny: Oh boy, I really screwed up, didn't I?
Frasier: Now, isn't Steven the favorite brother?
Donny: Yes.
Martin: Even I knew that, and I barely listen to her.
Donny: [to Daphne] I know, I know, I know, I got the names mixed up, but you have mentioned Simon too.
Daphne: Yes, as a free-loader who just sits around the house drinking beer all day.
Martin: Well, that's a lot of people.
Daphne: [excusing him] You're retired.
Meanwhile, at the bar, Roz and Holly are all over Simon.
Holly: You have such a dirty mind.
Roz: And that would be a terrible thing to waste.
Daphne: [comes over] Simon!
She drags him away.
Simon: Yeah, right.
Daphne: This is Dr. Frasier Crane and his father, Martin.
They all greet each other.
Daphne: There are the people I work for. You've met my fiancée, Donny.
Simon: Oh, thanks for flying me out, mate.
Daphne: About that, didn't it seem unusual to you when he called you my favorite brother?
Simon: Now that you mention it, it did strike my ear as a bit odd, you being so partial to Steven.
He sits on the couch, puts his feet up on the seat and lights a cigarette, to Niles and Mel's discomfort.
Simon: But then I thought, women change their minds all the time, brothers fall in and out of favor. Maybe it's my turn. And, er, good thing too, as it was an especially good time for me to get out of England.
Roz: God, he talks just like a prince!
Niles: So, Simon, where are you staying? [holds out ash tray]
Simon: Thanks, mate. [flicks ash into tray but doesn't take it] Em, Donny here says that Frasier's offered to put me up.
Frasier: Yes, well, when he told me he was inviting Daphne's favorite brother, I didn't hesitate. Of course, well, the sad truth is, we really don't have a bed for you.
Simon: Oh, a couch'll suit me just fine.
Frasier: Well, you wouldn't really be comfortable there for more than a day or two.
Simon: Oh, don't worry about that. I once slept on a couch for three months before I even realized it pulled out.
Frasier: Ah!
Simon: The main thing is that I spend as much time as possible with my baby sister!
Simon playfully knocks Daphne, who spills her glass of red wine over her dress.
Daphne: Simon, look what you did! Daphne carries on with her story.
Daphne: [v.o.] It was my absolute favorite dress, one I saved for special occasions; he wasn't in the door five minutes before he ruined it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - Therapist's Room. Daphne carries on with the doctor.
McCaskill: And yet you still felt responsible for putting him up.
Daphne: I didn't have much choice. If I turned him out, I'd never hear the end of it from mum.
McCaskill: I'm hearing that your relatives are a source of anger for you.
Daphne: So? Aren't yours?
McCaskill: Well, they might be if I still talked to any of them!
She laughs but stops when she realizes Daphne didn't join in.
McCaskill: Anyway, I can see how your brother's presence was adding stress, but what I'm not sure of is how you got from there to causing a four car pile-up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Seven - Frasier's Apartment. We see Daphne cleaning up Simon's mess on the coffee table. Daphne once again narrates the scene at first.
Daphne: [v.o.] Well, things got much more difficult once Simon settled into the house.
Frasier enters the apartment as Daphne quickly takes Simon's plates from view.
Daphne: [putting on a brave face] Good evening, Dr. Crane! I hope you had a pleasant day.
Frasier: [seeing straight through her] Where's Simon?
Daphne: I think he's out with Mr. Crane again. They seem to have taken quite a shine to each other. Simon's introduced him to rugby.
Frasier: Yes, I really must thank him for that! After all, poor Dad, before he came, had no sport to watch between the hours of two and six AM! Did you happen to see the kitchen this morning?
Daphne: Yes, I guess they got some take-out.
Frasier: It looked like a Kung Pao bomb went off! I still have moo shoo stuck in the tread of my driving Moccasins!
Daphne: I'm sorry Simon's been such an imposition. But he's leaving soon, he's decided to tour the West Coast until the wedding.
Frasier: Oh Lord, that's a relief.
Daphne: Yes. [faking a surprised thought] Oh, by the by, I invited my friend, Holly, over for drinks tonight. Maybe you could join us, might give you two an opportunity to get better acquainted.
Frasier: Daphne, if you're offering up your attractive friend as some sort of a peace offering - well then, I accept. I better go and make myself look irresistible.
Daphne: Well, you won't have time for much, she's on her way now.
Frasier: Oh, it's probably better that way - you know, give her a fighting chance.
Frasier exits to his room as Martin enters through the front door with Eddie.
Daphne: Mr. Crane, I thought you were out with Simon.
Martin: Nope, just Eddie.
Daphne: Then where's Simon?
Frasier: [o.s.] Daphne!!
Frasier runs on in a mad rush.
Frasier: Your brother's in my bed... nude!!
Daphne: [shouts down hallway] Simon Moon, get out of Dr. Crane's room!
Martin: Oh, that poor guy probably just needed a nap, it's the jet-lag. Couple of days and he'll be on our time.
Frasier: A couple more days, he'll be on our sidewalk!
Simon enters in a robe and smoking a cigarette.
Simon: Sorry about that, I'm a bit sleepy today. I think I'm coming down with a cold.
Simon gives a smoker's cough.
Frasier: Nothing another night of drinking won't cure, I'm sure.
Simon: Well, let's hope.
Frasier: Is that my robe you're wearing?
Simon: Yeah, yeah, you want it back? [begins to untie it]
Frasier: [in horror] No, no.
Simon: No, it's all right, I've got shorts on. [shows him]
Frasier: Are those my shorts?
Simon: Well, I didn't think you'd mind, I found them on the bathroom floor.
Frasier holds himself in disgust.
Daphne: If you need to lie down you can use my room. [gives him duffel bag]
Simon: All right, don't forget to wake me for dinner, will ya?
Daphne: I woke you for lunch, didn't I?
Simon: Yeah, right.
Simon exits to Daphne's room as the doorbell sounds.
Frasier: Oh dear God, that'll be Holly. Dad, make yourself scarce. [Martin exits as Frasier opens the door] Ah, Holly, hello again.
Holly: Hello, Dr. Crane, nice to see you again.
Frasier: Yes, yes, please, call me Frasier, come in.
Daphne: Hi, Holly, I'm glad you could make it.
Holly: Me too. My boss can be such a pain.
Daphne: Too bad, this one here keeps me in stitches all day long.
Frasier: [looks at Holly] Wokka, Wokka! [he sighs] Let me bring you girls some drinks.
Daphne: Oh, no, no, no, let me get them. Could you keep Holly company?
Frasier: All right, well, Holly, please have a seat. [they sit] Er, gosh, em, you know, we really didn't get much of a chance to talk at the shower. But, er, let me see, you're in the music business aren't you?
Holly: Yes, right now I'm planning a Reggae festival on Mercer Island.
Frasier: Oh, well, I'll have to remind myself to take the Rasta-ferry over and catch it. [laughs with Holly]
Daphne enters with the drinks.
Holly: Frasier just told the cutest little joke.
Daphne: Oh, I'm sorry, I came back as quickly as possible. [off Frasier's glance] Oh, I just remembered I left a tray of hors d'oeuvres on the kitchen counter.
Holly: No, let me Daphne, I'm not going to let you wait on me all night.
Daphne: Oh, thank you.
Holly leaves to the kitchen who is shortly followed by Simon.
Frasier: Allow me. [pours drinks]
Daphne: Well?
Frasier: Well, I like her, actually. You know, I thinks she likes me too.
Daphne: So, are you going to ask her out?
Frasier: Oh, now, now, now, Daphne. You can't rush things with a girl like Holly. After all, she's the kind of girl you just don't do that to. Yes, she has to be wooed.
Meanwhile it seems that Simon isn't taking very long to woo Holly as he already has his tongue down her throat in the entrance to the kitchen.
Frasier: And to be honest, this is the part of the dance that excites
me the most: the coy verbal exchange, the subtle body language, the probing glances as we explore a mutual passion.
Daphne: [noticing her brother] That jacket you're wearing might be a bit too conservative, why don't you go and change?
Frasier: [stands] All right, all right, what do you think? Maybe a sweater? Do you think I'd look more free-wheeling in my blue and my...
Frasier notices the happy couple.
Frasier: Good God. [shouts over] He has a cold, you know! Frasier exits as Holly and Simon turn to look at him. End of Act One. Act Two.
Scene One - Therapist's Room. Daphne is conveying the rest of her story.
Daphne: I had no idea that Simon and Holly had gotten so close at my wedding shower. Of course, try telling that to Dr. Crane.
McCaskill: He blames you for what happened?
Daphne: Of course he did. The tension in the house was just getting worse. Then two nights later, I thought I was getting a break from it all. I had the house all to myself for a change...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne narrates over the scene. Daphne is sat in Martin's chair with her hair tied above her head, her dressing gown on, spot cream dotted on her face and lip wax making her look like a "Got Milk?" advert.
Daphne: [v.o.] ...Which was a good thing because I was meeting Donny's parents the next day. I decided I'd use the evening to take a nice hot bath, give meself a manicure - you know, how you do.
Then Frasier enters the apartment.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, what happened to your concert?
Frasier: Simon happened. I've caught his wretched cold. I think I'm just going to go curl up in bed. After all, if I don't take care of myself, who will? Make me some tea and honey, won't you?
Frasier exits to his room as Martin enters.
Martin: Hey, Daph.
Daphne: I thought you and Simon were watching the game down at McGinty's.
Martin: Oh, the cable went out, I'll just watch it here.
Daphne: Then where's Simon?
Martin: He's at the bar, he met some people. [she heads to the kitchen] Oh, listen, if you're going in the kitchen, would you get me a beer? [she does] He's a real knack for making friends, and a great storyteller! [sits down] Is it true you wet your pants the first time you saw a Chinese person?
Daphne enters with his beer.
Daphne: He told you that?!
Martin: Oh, he's gonna kill me, he was going to try to work it into his wedding toast!
Simon and company enter through the door with a raucous roar. He is with two beer-bellied men, and he's also giving a young blond woman a piggy-back ride. They land on the couch.
Simon: Come in and make ya'selves comfortable. Hey, Stilts, I didn't know you'd be home! God, what a sight! If you took your teeth out and put them in your pocket you'd look like Mum.
Daphne: Oh, sod off, Simon. Who are these people?
Simon: Oh, these are some new friends of mine, they've come down to watch the game. This is Stan. [Stan nods] This is...
Judd: [helping him] ...Judd.
Simon: Judd, yeah. [pointing to his new date] And this here is Paris.
Martin: Paris? Does that make you French?
Paris: No, but a couple of beers might.
They all laugh, excluding an agitated Daphne as Frasier enters.
Frasier: What on earth is going on out here?
Martin: Oh, it's no big deal, a few people just came over to watch the game.
Frasier: Well, you might have consulted with me first!
Daphne: Let's get you back to bed, Dr. Crane, I'll bring you your tea in a minute.
Frasier: Very well, Daphne. [directed at Simon] It seems I've caught a cold from someone!
Simon: Oh, you might have mentioned that before I took a nap in your bed.
Frasier grimaces and exits as Daphne leaves to the kitchen.
Simon: If you don't mind me saying, Marty, you're a saint for putting up with that man. Your life must be very trying, very trying indeed.
Martin: Oh, do not get me started!
The doorbell sounds.
Daphne: Could someone get that? I have a tray to make for Dr. Crane.
Simon: Bring out some beers, would ya'!
He answers the door to Roz.
Roz: [provocative] Hi, Simon.
Simon: [confused] Hello.
Roz: Are you ready... to go... dinner... you made a date.
Simon: [half-hearted] Of course, a date! Er, just hang on there a minute, er... [tries to guess the name]
Daphne: [enters with Frasier's tray] Hello, Roz.
Simon: Roz, yeah, I forgot where I put my jacket.
Paris hands it over.
Paris: Right here.
Simon: Right, well, I'm just going out for a bit, love, make yourself comfortable, I won't be late.
Simon kisses Paris and wonders over to a peeved Roz.
Roz: I don't believe this. I got dressed up, I got a sitter and you don't even remember we made a date! Some classy brother, Daphne!
Simon: Now you're making me feel bad. I tell you what: dinner's on me tonight. [then] Daph, can I talk to you for a minute?
Roz: Don't bother, Simon. [slams door in his face]
Martin: Hey, can you keep it down, the game's on. Daph, how about some snacks?
Judd: Well, maybe a couple of sandwiches.
Daphne: [puts down tray] Oh, get it yourself! I have laundry to check on!
Simon: Did you do my delicates?
Daphne: Oh!
Daphne runs out the front door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Therapist's Room. Daphne is pacing the floor.
Daphne: I thought I'd cool off while I was in the laundry room, but no such luck!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment. Simon, Paris, Judd, Stan and Martin are watching the game as Daphne enters, still with all her cosmetics on, holding up the dress she wore to her bridal shower. It is stained throughout by bleach.
Daphne: [crying] Look at this! My favorite dress ruined! The rest cheer at the television, not listening to Daphne.
Daphne: When I got that wine stain out, someone pulled it out of the machine and tossed it into a puddle of bleach!
The rest of them cheer again.
Daphne: I got them back, though. I pulled all their clothes out of the drier and threw them onto the dirty wet floor... Oh, what do you care?! I need a drink! A big one! [exits to kitchen]
The doorbell sounds.
Simon: Oh, that'll be my date again. I knew she couldn't stay mad long. [calls] Coming, Rose!
Simon opens the door to Donny and his parents.
Donny: Hi.
Simon: Hello, Donny. Who's this, then?
Donny: My mom and dad. I was picking them up at the airport, they couldn't wait to meet Daphne. This is Simon, Daphne's brother.
Simon: [shaking hands] Oh, nice to meet you, yeah, how are you? Eh, word to the wise, Daphne's in a bit of a mood tonight.
Martin: [stands] Why don't I just let her know that you're here?
Martin however is too late as Daphne enters pouring a full glass of whisky.
Daphne: There, that's the last of that bottle!
Martin: [helping her] Daphne, thanks for bringing in my whisky!
Daphne: [not realizing] It's mine! If you want it, you'll have to fight me for it, old man!
Donny: [runs over] Honey, honey! [she notices them] Mom, Dad, er, this is my fiancée, Daphne.
Daphne: Hello. [puts bottles down] Donny, I thought we were doing this tomorrow.
Donny: We wanted to surprise you.
Daphne: Why? Because your last surprise worked out so well?!
Mom: We should have called first.
Daphne: No, I'm so embarrassed, I'm such a mess.
Donny: Come on, honey, you've looked worse.
Daphne: Donny!
Dad: I think we'd better go home.
Daphne: Oh, no, no. Please, come in, the more the merrier.
The doorbell sounds.
Daphne: Oh, for God's sake, who the hell is that now?! Donny's mom pats her son's hand.
Mom: She's very lovely. Daphne opens the door to a woman with a laundry basket.
Woman: I know what you did. Someone saw you leave the laundry room. You threw all my wet clothes all over the floor!
And that's the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Daphne: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize they were still wet. [takes basket] Here, let me help.
Woman: What are you doing?
Daphne: [throws some socks into the fireplace] Ooh, that's nice and hot...
Woman: Stop it!
Daphne: What, not fast enough for you?
Woman: Stop it!
Daphne opens the door to the balcony.
Daphne: Maybe if we air-dried them! Daphne, in a sudden mad turn, throws all the laundry off the balcony.
Daphne: There! That should do it. Ya happy now?!?!
Then we hear cars beeping in the streets below, then tires screeching, and then four separate crashes. On each one Daphne looks worse and worse, as Martin and Donny wince and his parents look appalled.
Amidst all the disaster, Frasier enters from his room.
Frasier: Fine! I guess I'll just have to make my own tea!!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Therapist's Room. Daphne is finishing his story.
Daphne: It never occurred to me that stuff would fall on people's windshields.
McCaskill: Well, I can certainly see why you felt provoked.
Daphne: Thank you. Now, if the judge'd seen it your way, we could have all saved ourselves a lot of time.
McCaskill: There's something that confuses me just a little.
Daphne: Yes?
McCaskill: This dress that was ruined, you keep saying it was your favorite.
Daphne: That's right.
McCaskill: So, why were you wearing it at your bridal shower?
Daphne: Well, it's a momentous event, don't you think?
McCaskill: But you said it was a surprise.
Daphne: Well, yes... [realizes] It was.
McCaskill: So, just what were you expecting when you went over there?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - Niles's Apartment. She flashes back to before the bridal shower. Niles answers the door to Daphne.
Niles: Daphne, right on time. I'm glad you're here, come in. Let me take your coat. [he does so]
Daphne: I brought the recipe.
Niles: Hmm? Oh, for sticky toffee pudding... mmmm...
Daphne: [suggestively] Well, that's why I'm here, isn't it? To teach you to make it.
Niles: Yes.
Daphne gives a provocative knowing wink.
Niles: You're not buying it, are you?
Daphne: No, not really.
Niles: So, do you know why I asked you here tonight? [they sit]
Daphne: [flirting] I think I do. I mean, when a man asks you to his house to make pudding on a Saturday night...
Niles: A pretty flimsy excuse, wasn't it?
Daphne: Well, it got me here.
Niles: I'm glad.
Niles touches his arm to which Daphne reacts with comfort.
Niles: Make yourself comfortable.
Daphne: All right.
Niles exits leaving a very nervous Daphne sat on the fainting couch and as before...
Everyone jumps out yelling "surprise!" and rushes to meet her. From the way she gasps and bugs her eyes, we see her surprise is total. She's shaking like a leaf as Donny holds her. Niles, Mel, Frasier, Roz and Martin among others are there.
Donny: Welcome to your shower, honey. Oh my God, you're trembling.
Daphne: Yes, well, I'm absolutely blown away.
Niles: Oh, come on, Daphne, you were on to us.
Daphne: No, really, you had me completely fooled.
As everyone crowds around Daphne, her attention is focused on Niles, who sneaks Mel a kiss.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Seven - Therapist's Room. Daphne is sat in revelation of her love.
Daphne: My God! Dr. Crane...
McCaskill: You know, it might be time to start calling him Niles.
Daphne: This is confusing. I mean what about Donny? He's the man I love.
McCaskill: Are you sure about that?
Daphne: [crying] ...No. Oh, so many questions. What does this mean? What do I do?
McCaskill: I'm sorry, but... our time is up!
Daphne takes a tissue and dries her eyes. End of Act Two.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Simon and company have collapsed all around Frasier's apartment. The place is an utter mess. Frasier enters, shocked by the events. He tries to wake them up by clapping his hands, shaking their chairs and even coughing in Simon's direction. Finally, he relents, takes a beer from amid the clutter and exits to his room. Then, seeing he has gone, the rest awake and carry on with their party. | Plan: A: anger management therapy; Q: What is Daphne receiving after a four-car pile-up? A: her situation; Q: What does Daphne explain to Dr. McCaskill? A: S. Epatha Merkerson; Q: Who is Dr. McCaskill? A: flashback; Q: What type of scene does the episode continue in? A: Donny; Q: Who organized a surprise bridal shower for Daphne? A: Niles' apartment; Q: Where was the bridal shower held? A: Niles; Q: Who did Daphne think she would be spending the evening with at the bridal shower? A: her favorite dress; Q: What does Daphne keep mentioning in her anger management therapy? A: the laundry; Q: Where did Daphne discover her favorite dress was ruined? A: the bridal shower; Q: What event did Daphne not know she was having? A: feelings; Q: What does Daphne realize she has for Niles? Summary: Daphne is receiving anger management therapy, in the wake of a four-car pile-up . She explains her situation to Dr. McCaskill ( S. Epatha Merkerson ), and the episode continues in flashback . Donny has organized a surprise bridal shower for Daphne, to be held at Niles' apartment. After a series of upsetting events, Daphne discovers that her favorite dress had been ruined in the laundry. Dr. McCaskill wonders why Daphne keeps mentioning her favorite dress, and why she was wearing it to the bridal shower she did not know she was having. It is revealed in flashback that Daphne wore the dress because she thought she would be spending the evening alone with Niles. She realises that she has feelings for Niles and may no longer want to marry Donny. |
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JUDGE BRENNER'S COURTROOM -- DAY]
(WARRICK is on the stand.)
Warrick: I searched the vehicle at the CSI garage. I discovered the knife under the passenger's seat.
Prosecutor: Now, is this the knife you found?
(The PROSECUTOR hands the container with the knife to WARRICK. He looks at it.)
Warrick: Yes, it is.
Prosecutor: Hmm. Who was the registered owner of the vehicle?
Warrick: Michael Fife, the defendant.
(They glance over at the Defense Table.)
Prosecutor: Please describe the physical condition of the knife when you discovered it.
Warrick: The knife was wrapped in a white towel. Both the towel and the knife were caked with dried blood.
Prosecutor: And how did you process this evidence?
Warrick: I swabbed the blood and sent a sample to the DNA lab. The lab technician ran the sample through CODIS. The DNA sample was a match to a recent rape and homicide victim, Rachel Lyford.
Prosecutor: Rachel Lyford who lived in unit seven of the Saturn Arms apartment complex. The same complex as the defendant?
Warrick: That's correct.
Prosecutor: Is this knife consistent in size and shape to the fatal wounds sustained by Rachel Lyford?
Warrick: Yes, it is.
Prosecutor: Thank you. Your honor, we have no further questions for CSI Brown.
Judge Brenner: Mr. Matthews.
(The DEFENSE ATTORNEY stands and walks forward.)
Defense Attorney Matthews: Mr. Brown, you stated that you found the knife in Mr. Fife's vehicle. Is that correct?
Warrick: Yes, that's correct.
Defense Attorney Matthews: Why did you search his vehicle?
Warrick: I received a call from Officer Watson. He informed me that he had pulled the defendant over to cite him for a broken taillight. After running his plates, it was discovered that the defendant had an outstanding warrant for drugs. He then arrested Mr. Fife and ordered a respond and tow. At which point, he asked me to search the vehicle for drugs. That's when I found the knife.
Defense Attorney Matthews: Mm-hmm. At what point did you secure the warrant to search Mr. Fife's vehicle?
Warrick: Officer Watson would have secured the warrant prior to calling me.
Defense Attorney Matthews: Officer Watson never secured a warrant.
(GRISSOM and WARRICK both look alarmed at this development.)
Defense Attorney Matthews: Did you?
Warrick: No.
Defense Attorney Matthews: Your honor, the knife is a product of an unlawful search, and under NRS Chapter 179, we submit the knife and the towel be ruled inadmissible. Furthermore, all evidence acquired as a result of the seizure must at this time be excluded.
Judge Brenner: So ruled. Fruit of the poisonous tree. What else do you have?
(The PROSECUTOR gets to his feet.)
Prosecutor: Additional evidence is pending. The knife would've been more than sufficient for the purpose of a prelim.
Judge Brenner: You have no other evidence to present?
Prosecutor: Not at this time.
Judge Brenner: I find insufficient evidence to hold the defendant over for trial. He's free to go.
Prosecutor: Your honor, the defendant is accused of raping and killing a 19-year-old woman. You can't just let him back on the street.
Judge Brenner: Are you suggesting that I violate his constitutional rights, counselor?
(GRISSOM stands up and leans toward the PROSECUTOR.)
Grissom: (whispers) Ask him for 24 hours.
Prosecutor: Your honor, we received no prior notice of this motion. Um ... we would ask for a continuance and opportunity to reopen.
(beat)
Prosecutor: We're only asking for 24 hours.
Judge Brenner: Okay. If you can't make your case, Mr. Fife walks. We will recess for 24 hours.
(The JUDGE bangs his gavel and court is adjourned. WARRICK picks up the knife container off of the witness counter and heads toward GRISSOM.)
Grissom: The murder weapon's been excluded, that's all. We still have a lab full of evidence we can process.
Warrick: We've been completely blind-sided here.
(OFFICER WATSON interrupts them.)
Officer Watson: Brown, what is going on?
Warrick: You got to be kidding me.
Officer Watson: You were unprepared. All the evidence you CSIs collect, and all you bring into this courtroom is a knife? Come on.
Warrick: I found the knife. I processed the knife. I presented the knife. All you had to do was the paperwork.
Officer Watson: Yeah, blame it on the cop, huh? Look, you wouldn't even have a suspect if I didn't pull that guy over.
Warrick: If you'd've followed protocol, our suspect would be going to trial.
(GRISSOM holds up a hand to OFFICER WATSON.)
Grissom: If you have a problem with CSI, file a complaint -- we're busy.
(OFFICER WATSON sighs and steps away. GRISSOM and WARRICK head out of the courtroom.)
Warrick: What about what you said about never rushing evidence?
Grissom: Well, for the next 24 hours, we're breaking the rules.
(They walk out of camera frame.)
HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- AFTERNOON]
CLOCK: 5:04 P.M.
(GRISSOM and WARRICK walk through the hallway and meet up with SHERIFF RORY ATWATER.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Grissom.
Grissom: Sheriff. We need to talk ... (waves a finger at WARRICK) ... about him.
Warrick: Nice to finally meet you, too, Sheriff.
Grissom: (to WARRICK) Why don't you go ahead and start the briefing? I'll be in in a minute.
Warrick: Yeah.
(WARRICK leaves.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Where to?
(GRISSOM shows THE SHERIFF to the office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[LOCKER ROOM - CONTINUOUS]
(WARRICK bangs his forehead in frustration against the locker door. Feeling the weight of the case on his shoulders, he takes a moment and sits there.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[GRISSOM'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS]
(SHERIFF RORY ATWATER and GRISSOM walk into his office. GRISSOM heads for his desk while the SHERIFF looks at the things on the office shelves.)
Grissom: Warrick Brown followed protocol. You cannot pin this mess on him.
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Warrick Brown was on the stand. He's the face of the case. It's all about perception. If Fife walks, the public only hears one thing -- "evidence against a killer was thrown out of court because CSI conducted an improper search."
Grissom: You think I don't know that?
(The SHERRIF points to the pig fetus in a bottle on the shelf.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: What the hell is this?
Grissom: It's irradiated fetal pig. I used the tissue to determine the effects of radiation ...
Sheriff Rory Atwater: (interrupts) Look, Grissom, you and your team have done exemplary work.
(He takes a seat at GRISSOM'S desk.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Thanks to the crime lab, some very difficult cases have gone our way. You've elevated the status of the whole bureau.
Grissom: Uh-huh. Then why are you here?
Sheriff Rory Atwater: I'm holding a press conference in an hour where I'll be telling the media that this case is under your purview.
(GRISSOM chuckles.)
Grissom: Oh, it is about perception, isn't it?
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Glad we understand each other.
(GRISSOM nods.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Uh... why don't you call my office next week? (whispers) Put a little lunch on the books, hmm?
(The SHERIFF gets to his feet and heads for the door.)
Grissom: I work nights.
(The SHERIFF turns around to look at GRISSOM.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: So make it a dinner.
(The SHERIFF leaves the office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - CONFERENCE ROOM -- EVENING]
CLOCK: 5:15 P.M. CLOCK: 5:16 P.M.
(WARRICK conducts the meeting.)
Warrick: Impound towed the vehicle to the garage. Michael Fife's outstanding warrant was for marijuana possession, so that's what I was looking for.
(Quick flashback to: [INT. CSI - GARAGE] WARRICK searches the back seat of the car and finds the bloodied knife wrapped in the towel under the seat.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: I swabbed the knife and I sent the blood sample to Greg.
Greg: I ran it through CODIS and matched it to another case.
Catherine: My case. Rachel Lyford, 19. Murdered in her apartment.
(CATHERINE hands out some papers to everyone.)
(Quick flashback to: [INT. SATURN ARMS APT] RACHEL LYFORD is dead on the bed.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: The assistant coroner examined the body. Based on the vaginal introitus, he suspected rape. I processed the scene. There was nothing probative. There were no prints, no DNA. Everything I collected is in the vault.
Sara: Now, once Warrick found the knife, the D.A. thought there was sufficient probable cause and rushed the prelim.
(GRISSOM walks to the room and lingers in the doorway.)
Catherine: Further processing of the evidence became a low priority, pending the trial date.
Grissom: This is a rush case. Everyone's in the pool for 24 hours. Warrick, you need to see Robbins. Have him walk you through his notes on the autopsy. Nick, Sara, the Judge issued a warrant for Fife's vehicle. Detail is towing it back to our garage.
Nick: Hold on. Warrick's already searched the car and the knife's been excluded. What exactly are we hoping to find?
Grissom: I don't know. But the knife and the towel are invisible evidence. The jury will never see them. So we have to find something that's visible.
Sara: Uh, listen, I recognize the importance of this, but I'm in the middle of my own homicide investigation.
Grissom: I'll talk to your detective. Explain the deal.
Sara: Well, it's not about the detective. It's about my own responsibility.
Grissom: (firmly) I'm handing out assignments, Sara. It's not a negotiation.
Catherine: I'll go back to the scene and look at it with fresh eyes.
Grissom: Deadline's 4:00 P.M. Tomorrow. "Once more into the breach."
[Note: Henry V, Act 3, Scene 1, Wm. Shakespeare.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - AFTERNOON]
[EXT. CSI - GARAGE -- AFTERNOON]
CLOCK: 6:18 PM
(NICK and SARA wait for auto detail to bring the car. SARA leans against the wire fence, still perturbed by the meeting. NICK finishes his phone call and walks toward her.)
Nick: That was auto detail. There's a traffic jam on Flamingo. Tow truck should be here any second.
Sara: You know what pisses me off?
Nick: Lots of things.
Sara: (ignoring him) Victims aren't equal. High profile cases get priority.
Nick: A ticking clock gets priority.
Sara: Every case is a ticking clock. The only difference between a cold case and a hot case is time.
Nick: I don't care if you're working on the hottest case of your career. If your supervisor tells you to leave a scene to go wash his car, you do it.
(SARA looks at NICK. She can't believe what she just heard.)
Nick: (clarifies) You don't have a career without a job.
(AUTO DETAIL arrives with the car. Or what's left of the car.)
Auto Detail: Heard you're on a rush. Sorry.
Nick: That's not the right car, man.
(He checks his chart.)
Auto Detail: Uh, registered owner Michael Fife, BMW 325. Impounded ten days ago.
Sara: What the hell happened?
Auto Detail: It's been pancaked.
Nick: We can see that. Why?
Auto Detail: Hey, I just move 'em.
Nick: This is evidence in an active investigation.
Auto Detail: Paperwork mix-up?
Sara: Or some moron checked the wrong box. You can just unload it here.
Auto Detail: Sign here. I got to get back to the lot.
(SARA signs the paper and hands it back to AUTO DETAIL.)
Sara: Thanks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(ROBBINS goes over the autopsy photographs with WARRICK.)
Robbins: Body was released last week. Cremated at Desert Haven. I.D.'d by the sister, pretty girl. Couldn't stop crying.
Warrick: Yeah, Rita. They were real close. Lived together up until a couple months ago. These stab wounds look like they're limited to the neck and upper torso area, huh?
Robbins: Fatal stab was to the left side of the neck.
(Quick flashback to: [INT. SATURN ARMS APTS] RACHEL LYFORD fights as she gets stabbed.)
Robbins: (V.O.) The blade traversed the subcutaneous tissue,
(Quick CGI POV to: The knife cuts through her flesh. Close up of the knife sinking in through muscle and blood. Nice squishy sound effects for added viewing pleasure.)
Robbins: (V.O.) ... sternocleido-mastoid muscle, jugular venous complex,
(End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
Robbins: ... the carotid artery and the vagus nerve. She bled right out. Raped. No semen in the vaginal vault. I don't know if it's relevant, but check out the abrasion. There was something around her neck.
Warrick: Noted. What is this foreign substance on her wrist?
(WARRICK points to something in the photo.)
Robbins: Pre-autopsy. David snapped the photo before he washed her body. He's in clean up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(WARRICK walks into the room. DAVID PHILLIPS is at the stove boiling something in a large pot.)
Warrick: Bringing your laundry to work again, David?
(He lifts up the heavy bone and shows it to WARRICK.)
David Phillips: I'm cleaning a pelvis.
Warrick: Great. I'm here about one Rachel Lyford. You prepped her body?
David Phillips: Yeah, ten days ago. I thought it was Catherine's case.
Warrick: It's mine now. You notice this foreign substance on her wrists?
(WARRICK shows the photograph to DAVID and points to the substance.)
David Phillips: It was flaky. Like the glaze on a doughnut? I sent a sample to trace.
Warrick: Trace. Thanks. You're the man. Have fun.
(WARRICK leaves the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- NIGHT]
CLOCK: 7:13 P.M.
(WARRICK walks into trace, but before he can say anything, DAVID HODGES answers his question as he looks through the scope. He doesn't even lift his head up.)
David Hodges: Sample's still running through the GCMS. I'll let you know.
Warrick: How'd you know that I was...
(HODGES looks at WARRICK.)
David Hodges: (interrupts) 4-1-1 from David. (drawls) Hey, I heard about court today. Must have been embarrassing, huh?
Warrick: Hodges, why'd you leave L.A. Again? Never mind, it's probably none of my business.
(WARRICK leaves trace and walks out into the hallway.)
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(BRASS calls out to WARRICK.)
Brass: Hey, Rick, you okay? 'Cause I'm here to drop some more pressure on you.
Warrick: Yeah?
(They both continue down the hallway.)
Brass: Rachel Lyford's sister showed up at the police station. Man, she was angry. She was firing on all cylinders.
Warrick: I don't blame her.
Brass: Apparently, Rachel wore a silver chain around her neck. It wasn't with her personal effects. (WARRICK flips through the file folder in his hand.) Had her father's army dog tags on it and the family wants it back.
Warrick: You came all the way over here for dog tags?
Brass: Well ... the Sheriff asked me to find it. You know, Rory Atwater's been in office for - what? -- Four months, so it's political. He doesn't want the victim's sister bad-mouthing his department.
Warrick: Mm-hmm. Check it out.
(WARRICK shows BRASS the photo of the abrasions on RACHEL LYFORD'S neck.)
Brass: Mm-hmm.
Warrick: Dr. Robbins found consistent abrasions on the back of her neck, so ... that's probably your chain.
Brass: Uh-huh. Okay. Killer took a souvenir. I'll let the Sheriff know. Thanks.
Warrick: All right.
(BRASS turns back; WARRICK moves forward through the hallway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAYOUT ROOM -- NIGHT]
(GRISSOM dusts a beer bottle. WARRICK enters the room.)
Warrick: What do you got?
Grissom: Got a print off this bottle I found in the garbage. It was the only bottle like it. None others in the apartment.
Warrick: Need a hand?
Grissom: You could do the sheets.
Warrick: Done.
(WARRICK grabs a set of gloves to put on as GRISSOM tapes the print. WARRICK looks at the knives on the table.)
Warrick: You know, the steak knife I found in that car matches that set.
Grissom: We only found five knives in Rachel's kitchen.
Warrick: Five's an odd number of steak knives.
Grissom: Exactly. Weapon of opportunity, perhaps?
Warrick: Perhaps.
(WARRICK glances up at the clock: It's 7:49 PM. He turns to work on the sheets.)
(WARRICK spreads the sheet out on the table and sees something smudged in with the blood. He picks up a magnifying glass to look at it.)
Warrick: Grissom, what do you make of this? We noted a similar type substance on the girl's wrists.
(He hands the glass to GRISSOM to look at.)
Grissom: Doesn't look like it belongs on the victim or her sheets.
(WARRICK glances up at the clock again. This time, GRISSOM notices the movement. It's still 7:49 P.M.)
(GRISSOM turns to look at WARRICK.)
Grissom: Stop it.
Warrick: What?
Grissom: Watching the clock.
(WARRICK takes a swab sample of the substance on the sheet.)
Warrick: (frustrated) It's just that new evidence is coming in and the old evidence hasn't even been processed yet. We're running out of time here, you know?
Grissom: If you're watching the clock, you're not watching the case.
Warrick: Well, not even you can stop time.
(GRISSOM and WARRICK share a look. Camera holds on WARRICK.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. SATURN ARMS APARTMENTS - POOLSIDE -- NIGHT]
[INT. SATURN ARMS APARTMENTS - RACHEL LYFORD'S APT. -- NIGHT]
(The WOMAN OFFICER lets CATHERINE into the apartment.)
Catherine: Thank you.
(CATHERINE looks around the place.)
Catherine: Oh ... I remember now.
(CATHERINE puts her kit down and starts to look around the apartment. The WOMAN OFFICER follows her inside, keeping close.)
(CATHERINE looks from the refrigerator to the table with an oversized softcover book on it, "The Fifth Sacred Thing", by Starhawk. She reaches down and flips through it.)
Woman Officer: I'm reading the same book.
Catherine: Really? Any good?
Woman Officer: Yeah, so far.
(CATHERINE leaves the kitchen area and walks over to the bed. She kneels down and looks at the blood on the mattress. The phone rings, startling CATHERINE.)
Rachel Lyford (answering machine): Hi, it's Rachel. Sorry I missed your call. I promise to get back to you as soon as I can. Have a great day.
(The machine beeps.)
Walter Burr: (answering machine) Hey, Rachel. It's Walter. Walter Burr. We exchanged numbers at Diane's party a few weeks ago. Anyway, just thought you might want to grab a drink sometime. So, give me a call.
(CATHERINE stands up and looks around.)
Catherine: I processed this place for twelve straight hours. I never took a break. Couldn't eat.
Officer (woman): Yeah, my sister calls that the CSI diet. She's a CSI out in Bakersfield. (proudly) Whole family wears a badge.
(CATHERINE smiles and sighs.)
Officer (woman): If you want to ALS again, I'll grab the lights.
Catherine: No, I went over every square inch of this place. I did the mattress, the sheets, the floors, the cabinets. If the rapist ejaculated, he was smart enough to use a condom.
Officer (woman): I'm no expert, but most guys can't wait to take off their rubber jacket. You check the wastebasket?
Catherine: Yeah, I did, but ...
(Something occurs to her.)
Catherine: Not every guy uses the trash.
[BATHROOM]
(CATHERINE walks into the bathroom with the ALS. The WOMAN OFFICER follows her. CATHERINE puts her kit down and lifts up the seat. She checks the porcelain and finds a semen stain on the handle.)
Catherine: Guy had sticky fingers.
Officer (woman): Semen?
(Quick flashback to: The RAPIST drops the condom into the toilet, then flushes it.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(CATHERINE takes out a swab.)
Catherine: Oh, yeah. Fresh eyes, new evidence.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT]
(NICK uses a large hand-held device to pry up and open portions of the car while SARA inserts inflatable pads in the pockets.)
(Various cuts of NICK and SARA preparing the car.)
(When the inflatable pads are positioned, SARA attaches a hose to the pads and inflates them, lifting the car roof up a bit.)
(SARA and NICK remove the inflatable pads.)
Sara: I think we're done.
Nick: Then let's get started.
(They both take out their flashlights and start checking the inside of the car. SARA finds something on the front seat floor.)
Nick: What do you got?
(SARA holds up a red and white parking placard:
SATURN ARMS
PARKING PERMIT
4-R
BPA ... )
Sara: Parking placard. "Saturn Arms." It was affixed to the rearview mirror. It's the same kind of permit we use at my apartment building.
Nick: Hmm.
(NICK looks around and finds some fiber with blood on it. He picks it up.)
Nick: White threads...
Sara: It is impossible to trace the source of a white thread.
Nick: Reddish-brown stain consistent with blood.
Sara: Really?
Nick: Mmm.
Sara: That could match the bloody towel that Warrick found.
Nick: Well, the towel is inadmissible, but the threads are still fair game.
(SARA nods.)
Nick: So ... you still upset about your case being put on hold?
(SARA rolls her eyes and glares at NICK. NICK chuckles mischievously at her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- NIGHT]
(WARRICK walks into the print lab.)
Warrick: Jacqui Franco.
Jacqui Franco: You responded to my page in under 45 seconds. Gotta be a record.
Warrick: Tell me you've found something probative.
Jacqui Franco: Extremely probative. Grissom lifted a print off a beer bottle Catherine found in Rachel Lyford's trash. Print matches your suspect.
(JACQUI FRANCO hands the print results to WARRICK.)
Warrick: Oh, wicked. You know, in the pretrial interview, fife denied ever being in the victim's apartment.
Jacqui Franco: Let him try to deny the print.
Warrick: Thank you.
(WARRICK leaves the lab.)
Jacqui Franco: Mm-hmm.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT]
(BRASS and WARRICK re-interview MICHAEL FIFE in the presence of his attorney MATTHEWS.)
Brass: Counselor, your client's rights ...
Defense Attorney Matthews: Detective, let me finish.
Brass: ... Will not be violated.
Defense Attorney Matthews: I want it on the record that my client has been advised not to take this meeting.
Michael Fife: I want to hear what they have to say.
Warrick: Several hours ago, we found blood-stained threads in the back of your client's car. DNA ran the blood. It is consistent with Rachel Lyford's. It is admissible into evidence.
Brass: Now, what do you have to say?
Michael Fife: I don't know anything about any threads.
Brass: How well did you know the victim? That's an easy one.
Michael Fife: Rachel was a neighbor. I'd say, "hi." "How are you?" That's it.
Brass: Were you ever in her apartment?
Defense Attorney Matthews: We've been through this before.
Brass: Well, we're gonna go through it again.
Defense Attorney Matthews: He's never been inside the victim's apartment.
Brass: Were you ever in her apartment?
Warrick: Your client's fingerprints were on a beer bottle collected from the victim's trash.
Defense Attorney Matthews: You don't have to submit to this, Michael. Just say the word.
Michael Fife: No, I got this one. The night before Rachel was killed, there was a party in the courtyard ...
(Quick flashback to the party in the courtyard. As the party progresses, MICHAEL FIFE takes a sip of beer from the bottle, finishes it and puts it down on the ground. He walks away.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Michael Fife: She must've taken the trash back inside her unit.
(BRASS laughs.)
Brass: What do I look like, Mike?
(MICHAEL FIFE leans forward toward BRASS.)
Michael Fife: Listen to me. I don't know who killed Rachel. I don't know how that knife got in my car. I didn't even know my taillight was busted until that dumb-ass cop pulled me over. I've been in jail for ten days on something I didn't do, and I am tired of this crap!
Brass: You might want to control your temper, Mike. It can get you in a lot of trouble.
Defense Attorney Matthews: Detective Brass, if you were to make your case, we'd be back in court, not an interrogation room. Assuming without the knife, you have nothing to directly connect my client to the attack, in twelve hours, he's going to be getting his street clothes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[INT. CSI - RECEPTION -- NIGHT]
(RITA LYFORD walks up to the reception desk.)
RITA LYFORD I'd like to speak to Mr. Brown. I don't mind waiting.
Receptionist: Oh, ma'am, he's at P.D. I can relay a message ...
Rita Lyford: That's okay. I'm just ... I need to talk to him, so ...
(WARRICK walks into the building. RITA LYFORD sees him and turns around to get his attention.)
Rita Lyford: Mr. Brown.
(WARRICK stops.)
Warrick: Yeah. Hi.
Rita Lyford: (barely holding it together) I know you must be extremely busy ... but I need to know ... I need you to tell me that Michael Fife is going to pay for what he did to my sister.
Warrick: I'm doing everything I can.
Rita Lyford: My mother's been medicated, and I can't sleep, and you're, what? (She glances down.) You're on a coffee break?
Warrick: Actually, it's the first break I've had since court, so, if you'll excuse me, I have a lot of work to do.
(WARRICK excuses himself and walks away. Near the doorway, NICK watches. RITA looses it completely.)
Rita Lyford: (shouts) What's going on here?! Does anyone even care?!
(People in the labs start and look up from their work. NICK walks up to her to intervene.)
Nick: ... Ms. Lyford? Ms. Lyford, I'm Nick Stokes. I'm also a criminalist here in the lab, and I want you to know I understand. I understand your frustration. This is not an easy thing to deal with, but I can assure you that this entire lab is on your sister's case. Okay? I can't make any promises, but we're doing everything possible to keep this suspect behind bars, where he belongs.
Rita Lyford: Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.
Nick: Okay. Okay.
(RITA LYFORD turns to the receptionist.)
Rita Lyford: Thank you.
Nick: Hang in there.
(RITA LYFORD leaves. NICK watches her go for a moment, then turns to find WARRICK.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(WARRICK is in the break room when NICK walks up to him.)
Nick: What's up, Warrick?
Warrick: What's up with what?
Nick: With you.
Warrick: This job is hard enough without having victims' families up in your face.
Nick: Her sister was raped and murdered. She watched the defense decimate your case. I think you could have given her five minutes.
Warrick: You want to hold this girl's hand, that's fine by me. That seems to be your M.O., but when you empathize instead of sympathize, I don't judge you.
Nick: She just wants to know that someone around here gives a damn, Warrick.
(WARRICK stands up, his chair falling back to the floor. He heads for the door without a backward glance at NICK.)
Warrick: You know what? Lunch is over. Time to go back to work.
(Frustrated, NICK kicks the trash can over.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- BATHROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(WARRICK splashes water on his face trying to regain control. He shuts the water off and looks at himself in the mirror.)
CLOCK: 5:12 A.M. CLOCK: 5:13 A.M.
(CATHERINE walks into the bathroom. She seems surprised to find WARRICK at the sink. He looks beat. CATHERINE closes the door.)
Catherine: Hey, you.
Warrick: Hey.
Catherine: How, uh, are you holding up?
Warrick: I'm fine.
Catherine: You sure?
Warrick: Yeah.
Catherine: You're in the women's bathroom.
(WARRICK straightens up and looks around. CATHERINE cracks a smile as WARRICK turns to get some paper towels to dry his face.)
Warrick: Oh, god, I'm sorry.
Catherine: No, I ... I'm all for it.
Warrick: (he chuckles) Oh, god ... Oh ...
(WARRICK walks back to CATHERINE and sighs.)
Warrick: This case is twisting me up. Interrogation room ... was a bust. Fife can lie better than I can tell the truth.
Catherine: Better to know his lies before we go to trial.
Warrick: I don't think it's going to trial.
Catherine: We've got time. Seminal DNA's being processed as we speak. This case can break any minute.
Warrick: I'm not giving up. I'm just being realistic.
Catherine: Come on, you know, Warrick, we don't just call these cases rush 'cause we're in a hurry. It's a rush 'cause our pulse races, it's a rush when we nail the guy ...
Warrick: (nods) I like that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB -- NIGHT]
CLOCK: 6:37 A.M.
(The printer beeps and prints out the results. HODGES grabs the print out, glances at it and waves over to GRISSOM who is walking through the hallway.)
David Hodges: Oh, hey! Hey, boss!
(GRISSOM walks into trace.)
Grissom: Yes?
David Hodges: I just ID'ed the substance from Rachel Lyford's wrist. Same substance found on the sheets.
Grissom: Have you told Warrick? He's the lead on this.
David Hodges: Yeah, about Warrick, what exactly happened in court today? I tried to talk to him, he just shut down.
Grissom: He just shut you down. What is the substance?
David Hodges: Uh ... wax.
Grissom: What kind of wax?
(GRISSOM looks at the printout.)
David Hodges: Uh, still working on that, but I can tell you that it does have a low melting point. The GCMS doesn't have a wax library. I've ordered up a reference from the New Jersey State Lab. Rush.
Grissom: Okay. Cross-check the product labels off the internet. And, uh, listen, if you need someone to talk to ...
David Hodges: Yeah, when's a good time?
Grissom: ... we have a psychologist here on Tuesdays and Fridays.
(GRISSOM walks out of the lab.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- NIGHT]
(WARRICK, CATHERINE and GREG sit and watch the printer when GRISSOM walks into the lab and notices them.)
Catherine: DNA on the toilet flusher.
Greg: On the three-ten, we're five seconds out. Three, two, one.
(GREG looks at the printout.)
Greg: Sorry.
Catherine: Suspect's DNA is inconsistent with the semen found at the scene.
Warrick: Great.
(NICK walks into the lab.)
Nick: Hey, Grissom, that Sheriff checked with just about every tech in the lab looking for you. He's bugging for an update.
Warrick: I suggest you avoid him.
Nick: Why? What happened?
Catherine: Our only suspect may be innocent.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM]
(The team meets to go over the evidence they have.)
Sara: You're saying that the DNA results excluded our suspect, but couldn't the semen have come from a prior sexual encounter with another man?
Nick: Fife still could have raped and murdered Rachel.
Catherine: Well, the toilet bowl was clean. The semen belongs to whoever flushed the toilet last, but there was a drop, not a smear.
Grissom: Look, we have no evidence that he raped her, no evidence that he killed her, and even if we consider the invisible evidence, it still doesn't give us enough to put him at the scene of the crime during the commission of the crime. Our trinity of evidence is incomplete.
Catherine: Okay, so, for argument's sake, let's assume that Fife didn't put the knife in the car. How did it get there?
Sara: Okay, um, does he live alone?
Warrick: Yeah. Recently separated. His wife moved back to Albuquerque. And no one else had access to his vehicle.
Nick: Was there any sign of forced entry?
Warrick: No sign of forced entry.
Catherine: And what evidence is still outstanding?
Grissom: The wax. What's-his-name is still analyzing it.
Catherine: Well, I know that there was wax on the sheets and the victim's body. How about the murder weapon?
Warrick: I didn't notice, but I wasn't looking.
Nick: Doesn't matter. Knife's excluded.
Grissom: The exclusionary rule only applies to the person whose constitutional rights were violated. If we have another suspect, then the knife is back into play.
(CATHERINE sees SHERIFF RORY ATWATER walk toward the break room.)
Catherine: Grissom?
(GRISSOM turns around to look at him. He sighs and gets up to meet with him.)
[HALLWAY]
Grissom: I'm sorry. You look lost.
Sheriff Rory Atwater: I've been calling your cell.
Grissom: Well, we get bad reception at CSI. Listen, if this is about dinner, I'm free next week. I'll be having the fish.
Sheriff Rory Atwater: We have nine hours left on the clock, Grissom.
(The team disburses from the conference table.)
Grissom: Well, the investigation, which is under my purview, has taken an unexpected turn. So, when I know something, you'll know something.
Sheriff Rory Atwater: I don't like surprises.
Grissom: Me, neither.
Sheriff Rory Atwater: What, you're not going to tell me anything?
Grissom: No.
(He considers it.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Okay. For now. Mm-hmm.
(THE SHERIFF walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(NICK goes back to the knife and takes it out of its container. He checks it under the light and sees something.)
(NICK takes a scraping sample off of the knife.)
(He folds up the sample and looks at it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
CLOCK: 7:47 AM CLOCK: 7:48 AM
(SARA is standing in front of the bed sheet hanging against the wall, studying it when GRISSOM walks into the lab and sees her.)
Grissom: Checking my work?
Sara: Oh, I'm just looking around.
(He stands next to her for a moment and looks at the sheet. After a beat, he turns to look at her.)
Grissom: What are you thinking?
Sara: Well, her body left behind this void.
(SARA walks up to the sheet, her hands out in front of her to indicate the area she's talking about.
Sara: The attacker was on top. He held her down by her wrists.
(She turns around to look at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: Which would explain the transfer of wax from him to her.
Sara: (nods) Yes.
(He nods.)
Sara: Pin me down.
(GRISSOM takes a step forward. He holds SARA'S wrists and pushes against her as she pushes back to illustrate what she's thinking.)
Sara: She would have struggled. Then, she gave up. Afterward, when he got up, he put his hands on the sheet for leverage.
(After a moment, GRISSOM releases SARA'S wrists and places his hands on the sheet near her waist.)
Grissom: Like this.
(SARA nods.)
Grissom: Which explains how the wax got from him to the sheets.
(SARA turns to look at GRISSOM.)
Sara: Yes.
(For a moment, the two are standing there. SARA takes a breath and breaks the moment. She puts her hands down and steps away from the sheet - away from GRISSOM.)
Sara: Grissom, um, I, um, wanted to talk to you about something.
(GRISSOM turns around with her.)
Grissom: Go ahead.
Sara: Well, you know, I applied for the promotion for the key position.
Grissom: (nods) Your application's on my desk.
Sara: About that -- I, um ... I needed to know ... (she stops) ... I ... I wanted to make sure, rather, that anything that happened or didn't happen between us won't be a factor.
(A little lost at what she's saying, GRISSOM doesn't say anything. Awkward, SARA breaks the silent patch.)
Sara: Never mind. I-I shouldn't have said anything.
(GRISSOM still has a stunned look on his face, just staring at SARA and what she's asking.)
Sara: (smiles, embarrassed) I, um ... I'm always over-talking around you.
(SARA turns and leaves the lab, escaping.)
(Camera holds on GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB]
(HODGES is doing research on the internet when CATHERINE walks into the lab.)
David Hodges: Have you ever heard of body wax?
(He's looking at a Body Wax site.)
Catherine: Made with soy, burns clean. Drip it all over your partner's body. I thought that we installed a fire-wall for sites like these.
David Hodges: This is research. Body wax has been eliminated.
Catherine: What have you got?
David Hodges: Well, I've I.D.'D the wax. But, per Grissom, I am not allowed to release any of my results except to the lead CSI, and that would be Warrick. I've already paged him.
Catherine: Give me.
(HODGES smirks and turns the monitor to CATHERINE. He hits a button and the site changes to the Axion car wax site.)
David Hodges: Axion car wax. Contains carnuba wax, butyl cellusolve and cationic surfactant. Exact same ratio as the exemplars.
(The printer beeps.)
DAVID HODGES Ahh. There's a little souvenir for you.
(CATHERINE takes the print out and leaves.)
Catherine: Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE]
(GRISSOM is looking a the print results with CATHERINE and WARRICK in the office.)
Grissom: Axion wax is industrial grade. It's sold to car washers for commercial use only.
Warrick: Yeah. Fife's an electrician. I doubt he would come into contact with that at work.
Grissom: Then, we need to know where he gets his car washed.
Catherine: Except, if we ask him, we show our cards, and his lawyer will know that we're looking in another direction.
Warrick: Yeah, then he'll petition Judge Brenner for fife's immediate release.
Grissom: How do you feel about letting him walk?
Warrick: We've got, what, less than seven hours. Let's not pull any punches. If the evidence is leading us away from Fife, I say we go with it.
(Camera holds on WARRICK.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
CLOCK: 10:11 AM
(BRASS is re-interviewing FIFE with his attorney MATTHEWS present. WARRICK sits in the back listening.)
Brass: Let's establish a sequence of events. Walk us through the night of the party at your apartment complex right up until your arrest the next day. Don't skip a beat.
Michael Fife: Devil's in the details, huh?
(BRASS shrugs.)
Warrick: Could be.
Michael Fife: (sighs) I hung out until about midnight. Drank my six pack. Hit on a couple girls. Struck out. Went back to my apartment, passed out. In the morning, I drove up to Green Valley and installed a chandelier, two sconces. At noon, I went back to my apartment, and I made a tuna fish sandwich. Lettuce, tomato, spoon of relish. Wheat bread. Then ... I took a leak. I don't want to skip a beat.
Brass: Outstanding.
[OBSERVATION ROOM]
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE watch the interview.)
Brass: (through speaker) So, then what?
Catherine: So, I liked your tough act yesterday.
Grissom: Huh?
Catherine: "I hand out the assignments. This isn't a negotiation."
Grissom: What, too much?
Catherine: (shakes her head) Not enough.
[INTERVIEW ROOM]
Michael Fife: That afternoon, I had a job in Henderson. On my way, I stopped, uh, at a car wash. It was a lunch-hour discount.
Warrick: What car wash?
Michael Fife: Reliant, on Chardon Circle. It's about a block from my apartment.
Defense Attorney Matthews: Why are you asking about a car wash?
Brass: At Reliant, did the attendant say anything about your broken taillight?
Michael Fife: No. Yeah, in fact, I mean, they should've said something.
[OBSERVATION ROOM]
Defense Attorney Matthews: (through speaker) The tenor of these questions leads me to believe the focus of your investigation has shifted. This conversation is over, Michael.
(Hold on CATHERINE and GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. RELIANT CAR WASH -- DAY]
(WARRICK and CATHERINE speak with the MANAGER.)
Warrick: I just talked to the manager. Of course, he didn't recognize Fife from the six pack of photos. We're still cleared to look around.
Catherine: By bringing your car to a car wash, you pretty much open it up into the entire world, right? Vehicles are most vulnerable down that tunnel. So, I'm thinking that Michael Fife's taillight was intact when he arrived.
Warrick: I'm sure the attendant would have told him something. They're liable, right?
Catherine: Exactly. So, his car proceeds on down the line, and then inside the tunnel, someone, presumably our killer, stashes the knife, breaks the taillight.
Officer: Busted taillight's an equipment violation. NRS 485.511.
Warrick: Yeah, you'd get pulled over for that pretty quickly.
Catherine: Right. And the killer is banking on some ambitious cop searching the vehicle. Okay, so, a broken taillight. The pieces fall into the water.
Warrick: The fragments have to run off through some kind of drain, right?
(WARRICK and CATHERINE approach the CAR WASH MANAGER.)
Catherine: Uh, excuse me, sir. A-are you the manager?
Car Wash Manager: Yeah.
Catherine: Does your drain have a filter?
Car Wash Manager: There's a screen trap behind the drain. Catches everything bigger than an ice cream sprinkle.
Catherine: Well, when was the last time you had it cleaned?
Car Wash Manager: About a month ago. Why?
Catherine: I'm going to have to clean your traps.
Car Wash Manager: (chuckles) Sorry, lady. Can't just close down the shop. I got customers.
Catherine: I understand, sir, but you know, just let us shut you down for about an hour or so. Otherwise, we can get a search warrant, come back on Saturday, your busiest day, and, well ... it's up to you.
Car Wash Manager: Soon as that Porsche Cayenne works its way through the line ... I'll shut her off.
Catherine: The crime lab thanks you for your cooperation, sir.
Car Wash Manager: You're welcome.
Warrick: All right, sassy.
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
[INT. RELIANT CAR WASH -- DAY]
(CATHERINE and WARRICK check the filter and find the pieces of the tail light.)
Catherine: Look what I found.
Warrick: A broken taillight.
(WARRICK looks up at the CAR WASH MANAGER.)
Warrick: Hey, could two cars get too close to each other and have an accident in here?
Car Wash Manager: There's no way. Photocell technology. Whole system shuts down if the cars get within three feet of each other. Believe me, in this tunnel, accidents do not happen.
Catherine: Which means the taillight was broken on purpose.
(Quick flashback to: The car goes through the tunnel and someone breaks the tail light. Cut to: The pieces of the tail light fall through the drain.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - WAITING ROOM -- DAY]
(BRASS speaks with the car wash workers who are there to submit DNA samples. WARRICK and CATHERINE put their gloves on.)
Brass: Okay, uh, thank you, thanks for coming down here and volunteering to give a DNA sample. We know you work hard, so, in an effort to be nice, we've provided some lunch, some burgers and stuff, compliments of the Las Vegas police department. Okay, let's form two lines now. Everybody whose birthday is from January to June in this line, everybody else over here.
Car Wash Manager: How long is this crap going to take?
Brass: As long as it takes, okay? Thank you.
Catherine: All right, you guys, I'm going to be swabbing your left cheek, so, uh ... try not to bite down.
Quinn: Uh, ma'am, I got to take a leak.
Catherine: Well, you just hold on there. It's only going to take a second. Open.
(Various cuts of CATHERINE and WARRICK taking DNA swab samples.)
Catherine: Thank you.
(CATHERINE takes a swab sample from QUINN, the worker who asked to use the bathroom. From the back, we can see that he's wearing a chain around his neck.)
Catherine: Uh, Akers, do me a favor and escort this guy to the john.
Officer Akers: Let's go.
(QUINN moves past WARRICK. WARRICK notices the chain around his neck as he walks out of the waiting room.)
Quinn: (V.O.) You guys are making a big mistake.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]
(CATHERINE and WARRICK interviews QUINN in the presence of his LAWYER, MARGARET FINN.)
Quinn: ... I don't know a Rachel Lyford, I swear.
Catherine: Really? Well, I swear that you do. I found semen on the toilet in Rachel's apartment that matches your DNA
Margaret Finn (lawyer): You don't have to respond, but if you can explain the semen ...
Quinn: I know a Rachel, okay? I never knew her last name. Did the girl that you guys are looking for live at the Saturn Arms Apartments?
Catherine: So, you do know her.
Quinn: I ... here's the deal, okay? A car wax costs sixty bucks, okay? We give you discounts sometimes. I' show up early and, you know, I'll go to a girl's apartment before work, or whatever, you know, and all the guys do this.
Warrick: (interrupts) So, Rachel hired you to wax her car, is that it?
Quinn: I only charged her 25.
(He chuckles.)
(Quick flashback to: [INT. SATURN ARMS APT.] RACHEL LYFORD opens the door.)
Rachel Lyford: Hi.
Quinn: Shiny as a new penny.
(She holds up the money and invites him in. He laughs and enters the apartment.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: And your story is that Rachel came on to you?
Quinn: Yeah. She was all over me. She answered the door in, like, this sexy little thing, and stuff. Most of the time, when a woman answers the door, it's in sweats, they got the money ready. This was not like that.
(CATHERINE leans forward.)
Quinn: (laughs) What am I supposed to think?
Catherine: I don't think so.
(Quick flashback to: [INT. SATURN ARMS APT] RACHEL LYFORD opens the door.)
Quinn: Hey, I'm all done.
Rachel Lyford: Uh, hold on a second.
(She turns to get the money to pay him. As she gets the money, he stands there and looks at her. She glances nervously at him, then shoves the money toward him.)
Rachel Lyford: Okay, here you go.
(She tries to close the door, but he stops her, forcing his way into the apartment. She screams and struggles as he pushes her inside.)
Rachel Lyford: Stop it! Stop it!
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: After raping her, you realized she had your name, knew where you worked. One call to the cops and you're looking at 25 to life.
(Quick flashback to: RACHEL LYFORD is crying on the bed. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: You freaked. So, you killed her.
(Quick flashback to: QUINN opens the knife drawer and takes out a knife. He shuts the drawer and goes back to the bed. RACHEL turns around and starts fighting for her life. End of flashback. Resume to QUINN.)
(Quick flashback to: After he kills her, the wraps the bloody knife in a towel. He takes his things and leaves. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Forget life; you're looking at the death penalty.
Quinn: Lady, you are whacked.
Margaret Finn (lawyer): You didn't find the murder weapon in my client's car.
Warrick: Your client went from Rachel's apartment to his job at the car wash. He took the knife with him. A few hours later, Michael Fife drove in, and he planted the knife in his car.
(Quick flashback to: [INT. RELIANT CAR WASH] QUINN breaks the tail light, the pieces fall down the drain. He opens the back door, lifts up his shirt and plants the knife and towel under the chair. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Margaret Finn (lawyer): He just happened to hide the murder weapon in a car that belonged to one of Rachel's neighbors?
Warrick: It wasn't a coincidence. It was your lucky day. You recognized the parking permit in his car window.
(Quick flashback to: The parking permit in the car window. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: You broke the taillight, you stashed the knife. Instant suspect.
(WARRICK holds up the dog tags.)
Warrick: You recognize these?
(He puts the dog tags on the table.)
Warrick: The name on the dog tags is Aaron Lyford. That's Rachel's father.
Quinn: She gave them to me.
Warrick: She gave them to you.
(beat)
Warrick: Why did you try to hide them?
(Quick flashback to: [EARLIER] QUINN goes to the bathroom and as he passes him, WARRICK notices the chain on the back of his neck.)
Warrick: (V.O.) Why did you take off to the bathroom with the dog tags on? And you came back with them missing.
(Cut to: WARRICK goes into the men's room to check the bathroom stalls.)
Warrick: (V.O.) So, I checked it out.
(He checks the trash and the stalls. In one of the bowls, the finds the dog tags.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: This is an autopsy photo.
(WARRICK puts the photo on the table.)
Warrick: The abrasions are evidence. Those dog tags were ripped from her neck.
(Quick flashback to: QUINN rips the dog tags from RACHEL'S body. He looks at them and leaves. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: She gave them to you ... over her dead body.
(Camera holds on QUINN.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JUDGE BRENNER'S COURT -- DAY]
(WARRICK is on the witness stand. It's a different court; different defendant.)
Warrick: The defendant arrived at the station on his own accord. He provided us with a sample of his DNA, and we rushed that sample to our lab for analysis.
Prosecutor: You compared Mr. Quinn's DNA to DNA from semen recovered at the crime scene, is that correct?
Warrick: Yes, that's correct. It was a match.
Prosecutor: Judge, we have no further questions.
Judge Brenner: Ms. Finn?
(DEFENSE ATTORNEY MARGARET FINN gets to her feet.)
Margaret Finn (lawyer): Your honor, we have no questions for CSI Brown.
Judge Brenner: Based on the evidence, I find sufficient probable cause to order the defendant to stand trial for the sexual assault and murder of Rachel Lyford.
(The gavel sounds. Court is adjourned. Everyone stands up as. WARRICK steps down from the witness stand and heads over to the LYFORDS.)
Warrick: I'm terribly sorry for your loss. And your father's tags are in a safe place. I'll make sure they get back to you.
Rita Lyford: Thank you for everything.
Warrick: You're more than welcome.
(WARRICK turns to leave when SHERIFF RORY ATWATER walks into the courtroom.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Hey, sorry I'm late.
Grissom: Well, I think you're right on time. There must be a press conference nearby, huh?
(SHERIFF RORY ATWATER chuckles.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: I wanted to include CSI Brown in this. There might be a few questions outside my ...
Grissom: ... purview?
(The SHERIFF turns around and heads for the front.)
Sheriff Rory Atwater: Want to meet me out in the corridor ASAP?
(WARRICK tries to get out of it.)
Warrick: Sheriff, I'm not too good with cameras.
(He turns to look at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: You won't have to talk much.
Warrick: Grissom, thanks.
Grissom: For what?
Warrick: (nods) See you back at the lab.
(GRISSOM watches as WARRICK leaves the courtroom.)
(Camera holds on GRISSOM, smiling.)
FADE TO WHITE. | Plan: A: a preliminary trial; Q: During what type of trial was the bloodied knife discarded? A: murder; Q: What was the defendant charged with in addition to rape? A: 19-year-old; Q: How old was the woman who was raped and murdered? A: the defendant's car; Q: Where was the bloodied knife found? A: a warrant; Q: What was missing from the bloodied knife that was thrown out of court? A: only 24 hours; Q: How long does the court have to let the defendant walk? A: the team; Q: Who pools their resources together to try to find other evidence that can place the defendant behind bars? Summary: During a preliminary trial for the rape and murder of a 19-year-old woman, the crucial evidence, a bloodied knife, is discarded because it was secured from the defendant's car without a warrant. With only 24 hours left before the court has to let him walk, the team pools their resources together in an attempt to find other evidence that can place the defendant behind bars. |
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... O'Dell's face falls at the sight of the smoking man in his outer office in 309 "Spit and Eggs."
MEL: Cyrus...we need to talk. Later, in his office, Mel reminds O'Dell of his obligations.
MEL: I've been very generous over the years. Cyrus nods. Cut to Weevil as he finds O'Dell's body.
MINDY: [offscreen] I'm a widow with two children to take care of. Keith sees Mindy in his office in 310 "Show Me the Monkey."
MINDY: I didn't kill Cyrus, Keith. Keith turns on the light in the O'Dell garage and inspects the Volvo, finding eggshell under one of the wiper blades, in 312 "There's Got To Be a Morning After Pill.
KEITH: [offscreen] I've got a little conundrum. Nish says she egged the dean's Volvo on campus the night he was murdered. Veronica seeks Veronica's input back at home.
KEITH: Mindy says she had the Volvo parked at the Neptune Grand all night. Any guess as to who's lying? Logan readies for the dream date that is not going to happen.
VERONICA: Did you and Madison have s*x over winter break?
LOGAN: We were broken up at the time.
VERONICA: You know how I feel about her.
The basketball coach throws the ball to Wallace in 306 "Hi, Infidelity."
COACH BARRY: Fennel, you run first team today.
MASON: Wait, coach-
COACH BARRY: You want to keep your starting job, Mason, start showing me something. Let's go!
Mason is pissed. End previously.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LOCKER ROOM - DAY.
A fist punches one of the lockers.
COACH BARRY: Damn it! Can someone tell me just what the hell we're doing out there? The team looks miserable.
COACH BARRY: We're on a basketball court in basketball uniforms, but what we're playing? That's not basketball. Wallace is sitting next to Josh Barry, taking the heat. Mason is leaning against some lockers. He is still wearing his team jacket and obviously has yet to play. Wallace glances up at him. He looks away.
COACH BARRY: Where's the passing? Where's the teamwork? Where's your heads?! And where are you, Josh? You gonna pull your head out of your ass and start playing ball? You're getting back-screened every trip down.
JOSH: I'm trying, Dad. They just-
COACH BARRY: I don't want excuses, Josh. I want you to grow up. You know what you got to do, so how about instead of whining about how you can't do it, you just man up and do it? Does that sound like something maybe you can manage?
Josh jumps to his feet.
JOSH: You know what, Dad? Not really. So, why don't you just lay off me? Josh starts to walk away.
COACH BARRY: Josh, damn it. Don't. Josh turns back angrily.
JOSH: Don't what? Quit? Hey, that might be something I'm capable of. He pulls off his shirt and throws it at his father. Coach Barry stares after him for a moment. Josh is held up at the door by the assistant coach. Like Josh, he's dark-haired. He also wears a team jacket.
ASSISTANT COACH: Wait! Josh, you don't want to do this. Your dad's been...always has been...just wait! Josh! His words are drowned out by the coach gathering together the rest of the team.
COACH BARRY: Come on, everybody. So, they're killing us inside. The assistant coach has no luck and Josh walks out. Fennel looks over to watch.
COACH BARRY: Fennel, look alive. Wallace puts on his determined face and nods.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.
Veronica and Wallace are eating ice cream. Veronica takes a mouthful of hers.
VERONICA: Well, look on the bright side.
WALLACE: Of a twenty-point loss? In which the All-Conference small forward quit the team.
VERONICA: Well, you did play a lot of minutes for a guy who had to quit the team first semester. That's a side, and it's somewhat bright.
WALLACE: Me starting means Mason isn't. And that's been awkward.
VERONICA: Why? If you're the better player...
Wallace is more dabbing his spoon into his bowl, rather than actually enjoying it.
WALLACE: That's the thing. He smiles and shakes his head.
WALLACE: I'm not sure I am. It's just that Mason's always in the coach's doghouse, and I'm-
VERONICA: You're you.
WALLACE: So, he hasn't been speaking to me. Bright-side-wise, it's break-even at best. You get one more try.
VERONICA: Well...
Veronica plays with the ice cream in her bowl as she ponders. She finally gives up, stabbing the ice cream with her spoon and leaving it there. She pushes the bowl towards him.
VERONICA: I got nothing. Walk it off, Fennel. Veronica gets up and grabs her bag. She pauses as she passes Wallace.
WALLACE: You doing okay? With the Logan situation, I mean?
VERONICA: I've been trying really hard not to think about it, so thanks for bringing it up.
She pats him companionably on the back and walks off.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
It's another day. Veronica exits her bedroom to find buttered toast waiting for her. She grabs a slice and takes a bite before picking up the note Keith's left. She reads it to herself.
KEITH VOICEOVER: "If you've eaten any of this breakfast, you now owe me. Invoices have to go out today. See you at the office." Veronica grimaces and crumples up the note. She gestures her acknowledgement and faux-frustration that he's caught her fair and square. As she gathers together more of the prepared food, she shakes her head.
VERONICA: And I always fall for it. Veronica races out the door, still chewing and carrying her breakfast.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, OUTSIDE ECONOMICS CLASSROOM - DAY.
Dick saunters down the hall, checking out the girls who pass him. He is unexpectedly joined by Professor Corrigan, a fact that doesn't thrill him. He increases his pace, and the professor matches it.
PROFESSOR CORRIGAN: Mr. Casablancas, I don't suppose your buddy Logan Echolls is gracing us with his presence today.
DICK: Doubtful. When they remove a grapefruit-sized tumour, they really recommend bed rest.
Dick enters the classroom.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, ECONOMICS CLASSROOM - DAY.
The professor follows and Dick turns to face him.
PROFESSOR CORRIGAN: You might let him know that if he misses another class, he shouldn't bother showing up again. He'll fail automatically.
DICK: I'll let him know your prayers are with him.
Dick smirks and the professor gives him a warning look.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, OUTSIDE LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY.
The hotel manager is outside the room to Logan's suite. Jeff Ratner is with him, in his hotel uniform. Jeff is leaning on a tablecloth-covered trolley that has a covered dish on top of it. The manager is shouting.
HOTEL MANAGER: Mr. Echolls, I'm more than happy to give you your hamburger. The lift door pings.
HOTEL MANAGER: We'd just like to take some of our trays. Dick comes out of the lift and into the corridor in time to hear Logan shout back through the door.
LOGAN: Leave the food and go. Jeff speaks quietly to the manager.
JEFF: We're out of salt and pepper shakers. The manager sighs and shouts back at Logan.
HOTEL MANAGER: I'm afraid I can't do that, sir. [lamely] We're running out of salt and pepper shakers. This needs to stop. Having observed, Dick takes charge.
DICK: Why don't you let me handle this? He claps and shouts through the door as he gets out his key card.
DICK: Yo, Logan. It's me. I'm coming in. I'm bringing the food. He holds up the key card in triumph to show the hotel personnel. He uses it to open the door.
DICK: Wait here. Dick takes a look at what's under the cover. He pinches a chip, grins at the manager, and pushes the trolley into the suite. They watch him enter with some frustration.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY.
Dick rolls in and looks around the suite. It's a bit of a mess, and there is a battery of uncollected tables. Logan sits in the middle of the chaos, on the couch. He hasn't shaved in days, giving him a designer stubble.
DICK: Did you hear about the fire in Veronica's neighbourhood? This gets Logan's attention as his eyes dart to Dick.
DICK: Somebody's meth lab blew up or something. Bet you can see it from the balcony. Dick rolls the trolley out to the balcony. Logan gets up and follows him out. Logan heads straight for the view, searching for the fictitious fire. Behind him, Dick exits the balcony, shutting and locking the door. Logan turns to see Dick give him a grin and two thumbs up. Logan walks up to the glass to see Dick open the suite's door to the hotel manager and Jeff.
DICK: I'm gonna take a shower. You guys go to town. Dick grins and disappears into his room. The manager and Jeff step into the room. They stare at the mess distastefully. Cut to later. Dick's had his shower. He comes out of his room, dressed and towelling his wet hair. There are maids in the room, vacuuming and cleaning furiously. Dick walks to the balcony door and opens it. He joins Logan at the edge.
DICK: You're not still looking for the fire, right? Logan doesn't respond except to fold his arms.
DICK: So, I got a message for you from the guy who teaches our economics class. You got to show up, or he's gonna fail you. It's a sad state of affairs when I'm the academic on the balcony. So, in other news, I met this girl a couple weeks ago at a party. Dick sings it out like a horny soprano.
DICK: Hot! Logan couldn't care less and doesn't respond.
DICK: Like, volcanic hot. Like, I might have to use an oven mitt to feel her up. Dick leans over subtly to see Logan's face. It's blank.
DICK: Blink if you understand. Logan finally deigns to look at him.
DICK: She's coming here tonight, and she's bringing her sister, who, I might add, she described as practically her twin. By the way, I did a little research on pathetic sad-sackery, and "hot sister" is the recommended treatment.
LOGAN: [mumbling] No, thanks.
DICK: You sure? We're thinking about going to the swim team's beach blanket blow-out. You can wear your t-shirt that says, "I'd rather be home crying."
Dick checks to see if he is making any impression. He isn't. He gives up and goes back inside, leaving Logan staring out into the distance, or into his soul.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Veronica comes in shouting.
VERONICA: So, per my understanding of contract law, my eating the breakfast in no way obligates me to perform any- Having grasped the door handle and pulled it open, she stops short on realising that Keith has company. Cliff is standing by the window. In the chairs in front of Keith's desk are Josh Barry and a woman. Keith makes the introductions.
KEITH: My daughter, Veronica. She works for me. Veronica gives an embarrassed smile.
KEITH: Veronica, this is Coach Barry's wife and son. Cliff brought them in. Coach Barry was found murdered last night beside the PCH. Sheriff suspects Josh, and we've been asked to help find the real killer. Opening credits.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
The action picks up where it left off, Veronica having taken a perch on the table near the door.
KEITH: So, why don't you tell me what happened?
JOSH: I told the sheriff already. We had this fight at halftime, me and my dad. And, you know, I said I quit, and he got all mad. You know, it was like that. There's a spot out on the PCH, this little turnout overlooking the ocean. My dad goes there after losses just to sit and mellow out, so I went out to, you know, try and talk with him.
KEITH: What did you fight about?
JOSH: Dumb basketball stuff. "Buck up," "be a man," all those, you know, famous sports clichés. When I got there, I thought he already left 'cause his car wasn't there. Then I-I saw...I saw this body on the ground, and I saw blood. So, I ran over, and...it was Dad. He was dead. Shot.
KEITH: You call the sheriff then?
JOSH: No, I couldn't. I mean, I-I-I tried, but you can't get a signal there, so I...I didn't know what to do. All I could think of was Mom and Bobby and...
MRS. BARRY: Bobby is his little brother.
JOSH: I just-I just drove home so they wouldn't have to hear it from the sheriff.
MRS. BARRY: When he came in, he looked like he was in shock. He had blood all over his shirt. I-I told him to take a shower 'cause I didn't want Bobby to see him like that.
KEITH: What led them to suspect Josh?
CLIFF: Someone must have found Tom's body and called in, because after Josh showered, the sheriff arrived. He found the bloody clothes, then he found the ring...Tom's N.I.T. championship ring.
Josh holds up his hand. He's wearing the ring.
KEITH: [surprised and a little appalled] You took the N.I.T. ring off your dad's finger?
JOSH: No, he left it for me. After I quit, I took a shower, and when I went to my locker, it was just in there. I figured it was some kind of peace offering or something. That's why I went out to find him.
CLIFF: The PCHers have been responsible for a number of carjackings out there.
MRS. BARRY: I don't know why the sheriff is so focused on Josh. Those gang kids killed Tom. They stole his car. It's obvious, and he should be after them.
Keith glances up at Veronica.
KEITH: Is there anyone else who might have had a grudge with your dad?
JOSH: Mel Stoltz.
MRS. BARRY: [reproachfully] Josh.
JOSH: Well, he hated Dad. He told anyone who listened he wanted him gone.
KEITH: Mel Stoltz, Stoltz industries?
VERONICA: Hearst's primary benefactor.
MRS. BARRY: He wanted your father fired, not dead.
KEITH: We'll look into it.
Keith looks up at Veronica again and she nods.
KEITH: And don't worry about the sheriff. He has a long and proud history of being wrong. And I'm very sorry for your loss, Mrs. Barry. We'll do everything we can.
Cut to a few moment later. Cliff shows the Barrys out of the office. Veronica is at her desk and Keith is sitting on the edge of it.
KEITH: It's as bad as she says? Lamb's going after the kid?
CLIFF: Well, he was thinking very hard about it, or he really had to pee. It's hard to tell with that man.
Veronica considers this and agrees.
KEITH: And you believe the wife? She could be lying to cover for her son.
CLIFF: There's always a chance. I mean...
He shrugs.
CLIFF: I believe her. I've believed many things that turned out to be lies, but, well, you know, why even ask me?
KEITH: Well, how about the little brother. Bobby?
He glances back at Veronica to check he has the name right. Veronica nods.
KEITH: He can back up their story.
CLIFF: Bobby is severely autistic. He won't be testifying for anyone.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY.
The TV is on, advertising something loaded with coconut oil. Dick is standing haplessly in front of it.
DICK: Dude, you're not helping. He tosses a dirty sock at Logan who is back on his place on the couch. He turns his head so the sock doesn't hit him in the face. He pulls it off the side of his head.
LOGAN: I'm aware of that.
DICK: I live here, too, you know.
Dick starts picking up the discarded items of clothing littering the place.
DICK: This is my home. He continues to throw them at Logan's head.
DICK: People walk in, they don't think, "This little clean area is Dick's, and the hidden bottles of urine are Logan's." Logan starts bundling the items on his lap.
DICK: They think "Silence of the Lambs basement," and their desire to get naked near me takes a nose dive. There's a knock on the door, and Dick slaps down the last item on Logan as he heads for it.
DICK: You're lucky you're rich. This would be completely disgusting. Logan doesn't stir. Dick gets to the door and opens it.
DICK: Hello, gorgeous! Come in and meet Logan. This rouses Logan enough to lean forward and peer in the direction of the newcomers.
DICK: He doesn't normally look like this. Uh, some chick ripped out his heart and stomped on it. The guests come into view. One is a girl of Dick's age, intent on smiling at him. The other is an eleven-year-old girl, grinning from ear to ear.
DICK: Logan Echolls, Melinda and Heather Button. The girls look at Logan. Behind them, Dick finds it hilarious and shrugs helplessly.
LOGAN: [wryly] Which one's yours?
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Weevil turns on the light in a maintenance room. He lifts his bag onto a table. Veronica appears at the door.
VERONICA: Hey, Weevil. Weevil glances at her with a bit of a sigh, and then returns to his bag which he starts to empty of tools.
VERONICA: I'm trying to have a word with whoever's running the PCHers these days, and I was hoping you might be able to hook me up.
WEEVIL: Sure thing. Let me just call my parole officer and give him a heads-up I'll be cavorting with known criminals. I'm on the straight and narrow.
VERONICA: It's official business. I could get you a few hundred bucks.
Weevil gives her a resigned look.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT.
Logan is in hell, watching Dick and Melinda, arms around each other and Melinda's legs on Dick's lap, on the far end of the couch. Heather is wandering around, touching everything.
DICK: It's a true fact. The swim team is crazier than any frat on campus. They're wild men.
MELINDA: It's a party on the beach, like with a bonfire and stuff? I want to go so bad.
DICK: So, let's go.
Melinda frowns and nods her head towards Heather, who is checking out the hotel TV menu giving the options of "watch tv," "movies," "amenities," and "checkout." Dick glances at Heather, and then at Logan.
DICK: So, maybe you could keep an eye on-
LOGAN: No.
HEATHER: I don't need a babysitter. I can just watch TV.
DICK: Brilliant. Problem solved.
Dick jumps up. He grabs Melinda and grabs her in a fireman's lift. She screams in delight. Dick marches her to the front door. She calls out to Heather.
MELINDA: Be good! Heather watches her go. Logan sighs heavily and gets up.
LOGAN: You can order a movie if you want. I'm going to bed. He holds out the remote.
LOGAN: You scroll through like that and click on whatever you want to see. He shoves it in her hand and heads for his bedroom.
LOGAN: Try to stay out of the p0rn.
HEATHER: Gross.
INT - STOLTZ INDUSTRIES - DAY.
The reception area for Stoltz Industries was decorated by someone on crack, mixing as it does every style from Chinese antique to big-game hunter to California terracotta.
MEL'S ASSISTANT: Stoltz Industries. Thank you. Described in the credits as Mel's assistant, a woman more accurately called a receptionist is answering the phone at the reception desk. Keith, no doubt feeling his stomach acid bubbling at his surroundings, is waiting amongst the dead animals with increasing impatience.
MEL'S ASSISTANT: Stoltz Industries. Thank you. Unable to take it any longer, he marches over to the woman.
KEITH: My appointment was for an hour ago.
MEL'S ASSISTANT: He's pretty backed up. We can reschedule you for next week if that works for you.
Keith squeezes shut his eyes, although whether it is at the sound of Mel's laughter around the corner or the thought of having to bear the décor again isn't crystal clear. Whichever it is, it spurs him to go on his own manhunt. With a smile at the receptionist, he heads for the sound of Mel's voice. The woman protests...
MEL'S ASSISTANT: Mr. Mars. ...futilely. Cut to a golf ball running into the back of the fake hole (i.e. it wouldn't have stayed in the hole had Mel been on the back nine). Mel is practicing his putting as he talks into a phone's hands-free headpiece.
MEL: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. The golf ball is conveniently shot back out to him. He lines up to take another tricky shot of...oh...three feet when Keith arrives at his door. Keith walks into the office, brusque to the point of courtesy.
KEITH: Mr. Stoltz, a couple questions. I'll make it quick. Did you want Coach Tom Barry dead? And where were you at the time of his murder? Mel sighs and touches the headpiece.
MEL: I'll call you back. He removes it, throws it on the desk, and looks at Keith with some measure of disdain. This does not, of course, interrupt his golf.
MEL: Barry was a loser. It's been six years since our last conference title. I wanted him gone. He putts.
MEL: Fired would have been fine, but dead...it does the trick just as well. He puts.
MEL: As for my whereabouts, I was 35,000 feet in the air on a plane travelling back from Seattle.
KEITH: You mind telling me the airline?
MEL: Air Stoltz.
KEITH: Air Stoltz, huh? I'll look into it.
Keith turns and starts to walk out of the office.
MEL: You do that. Keith looks back so they can glare manfully at each other.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY.
Music: "White Balloons" by Stephen Ashbrook.
LYRICS: Hey, you I am one, and you are one, and that makes two And it's twice what we're used to I'm not quite sure if this is something that'll comfort you Mmm, hmm, hmm If it hurts, it's supposed to And the world keeps spinning on and on around you Watching white balloons disappear into the blue Hey, you You've been standing like a stone on solid ground And they say it's okay to break down And the world keeps spinning on and on around you Watching white balloons disappear into the blue
On overhead camera circles on and descends over Logan, moping as he lies upside down on his orange-sheeted bed. He glances behind him to the door at a sound and rolls to get up. Cut to him opening the door into the lounge. Heather is watching The Ant Bully on the TV. She has a large towel wrapped around herself. There's a table trolley next to her. One dish is eaten, the other is still covered.
LOGAN: You're still here. Logan walks across the suite.
HEATHER: Either that or you're dreaming. Logan opens the door to Dick's room. The bed hasn't been slept in. Logan stares at it, catching flies with his mouth hanging open, possibly for the antelope that lives in Dick's headboard. Heather shouts from the other room.
HEATHER: They didn't come home. The phone rings and Logan turns to go back to the lounge. He checks the caller ID as he picks it up.
LOGAN: Where are you? Why aren't you here?
DICK: [on phone] Dude, I'm in Vegas. Things got a little crazy last night. We decided to take a road trip.
INT - LAS VEGAS, DICK'S HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUING.
Dick's happy in his garishly appointed hotel room. In the background, there's a window through which can be seen the Paris Las Vegas with a fake Eiffel Tower and a fake hot-air balloon.
DICK: I think I'm in love, man.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
LOGAN: Mazel tov.
Logan glances at Heather, then turns away from her, lowering his voice.
LOGAN: Get your ass back to Neptune.
INT - LAS VEGAS, DICK'S HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUING.
DICK: I would, but we just got here. The ride was a bitch.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
LOGAN: Imagine how much you'll hate it bound in the trunk of my car.
INT - LAS VEGAS, DICK'S HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUING.
DICK: It's not like you're leaving the suite anyway.
Dick takes a step forward, revealing the bed and Melinda, in a vest and pink knickers, bouncing thereon.
DICK: And I wasn't going to play this card, but... Dick sits on the bed just as Melinda crash dives onto it.
DICK: Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle - you slept with my one long-term girlfriend, dude. Melinda nibbles his ear before standing up and starting to jump again.
DICK: Their parents are out of town, so I think a day of playing the nanny is the least you could do.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
LOGAN: Well, look. Be home by tonight.
Heather watches, unsurprised by this turn of events.
LOGAN: Yeah, yeah. Bye. Logan hangs up, not happy.
INT - LAS VEGAS, DICK'S HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUING.
Dick stares at the phone with a bit of a frown for a millisecond before turning to the bouncy Melinda and laughing. With a cowboy yell...
DICK: Oooww! ...he grabs her around the waist and pulls her down.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
Heather grins at Logan.
HEATHER: I got you some eggs. She points to the covered dish.
HEATHER: But they're probably cold. Logan nods. Heather looks at him quizzically.
HEATHER: Is that all you do is sleep? Logan glares at her. End music: "White Balloons" by Stephen Ashbrook.
EXT - INDUSTRIAL AREA - DAY.
Veronica and Weevil are leaning against their respective cars. Veronica peers into the distance, then glances back at Weevil. Weevil checks his watch.
WEEVIL: I don't know what to say. Gang kids are usually quite punctual.
VERONICA: It's all right. Part of me actually hopes they don't show.
WEEVIL: Veronica Mars, scared of a few bikers?
Weevil scoffs as he walks to stand next to her.
WEEVIL: Not even a quarter college-educated and already you're square as- Veronica smiles.
VERONICA: It's not the bikers, per se. It's more what they represent.
WEEVIL: I rest my case.
Veronica shakes her head.
VERONICA: If they show, they probably didn't do it, which would look not so good for Josh. If they don't show, there's a good chance they did it. The noise of motorcycles puts an end to the speculation. Three bikers round the corner.
WEEVIL: Maybe they're here to confess. The bikers come to a stop in front of them. Veronica turns back to Weevil.
VERONICA: I am interested to see who replaced you at the top of the food chain. The lead biker removes his helmet. It's Arturo. When Veronica sees him, she can't quite believe it. Weevil glances at her as if he too is a little embarrassed. Arturo climbs off his bike and walks towards them.
ARTURO: You brought me here to talk to her?
WEEVIL: You know each other?
VERONICA: I caught Arturo here mugging pizza boys last year and taped him to a pole. You gave me the impression running the gang was a man's job.
Weevil sighs heavily.
WEEVIL: It was.
ARTURO: [peevishly] Hey, I don't have to be here.
VERONICA: Sure, you do. The law is coming down on you hard. Lots of people think you're responsible for the coach's death. If it wasn't you, tell me why I should believe it.
ARTURO: '96 Roadmaster.
VERONICA: Is that some kind of code?
WEEVIL: It's a car. A ten-year-old station wagon.
ARTURO: That's what the paper said the coach was driving. You think we're gonna kill a dude over an $800 crap-mobile? Besides, guns? It ain't our style.
VERONICA: So, what is your style?
Arturo holds up his right hand, flat and horizontal.
ARTURO: Nail board on the road. He makes a fist with his left.
ARTURO: Target hits it. Tire goes flat. Pulls over. And just as the dude finishes changing the tire, we roll up. Your average white dude in a BMW? Gets all jumpy when he's surrounded by brown people on bikes. [proudly] They usually give up the keys without us asking. Weevil and Veronica exchange a significant glance.
ARTURO: That all you wanted to know?
WEEVIL: That's it.
ARTURO: Okay.
Arturo heads back to his bike. He turns back to them on having another thought.
ARTURO: Find out who did it. This dead coach is killing my business.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY.
Music: "White Balloons" by Stephen Ashbrook.
LYRICS: I'm not quite sure if this is something that'll comfort you Mmm, hmm, hmm If it hurts, it's supposed to And the world keeps spinning on and on around you Watching white balloons disappear into the-
Heather braves the lion's den and walks into Logan's room. He's lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
HEATHER: Are you sick? She walks to the side of the bed and leans on her hands on it.
LOGAN: No.
HEATHER: You want me to put highlights in your hair?
Logan turns his head long enough to give her a baleful look.
LOGAN: No.
HEATHER: Could you show me how to hook up your Game Cube?
Logan sighs in the realisation that there is no getting rid of her. He pulls himself into a sitting position and gets off the bed, every step an ill-disguised effort. End music: "White Balloons" by Stephen Ashbrook. Cut to later, in the lounge. Mario Kart is being played on the TV. One character overtakes the other on the application of a missile of some description. Heather and Logan are playing, sitting side by side on the couch.
HEATHER: Ooh! That was so awesome. Did you see that?
LOGAN: Hmm.
Logan manages the barest of smiles.
LOGAN: Yeah, if you're Daisy or Peach, you can use a heart to protect you.
HEATHER: If I had this game, I would play it every second.
Heather looks up at him.
HEATHER: We should have a tournament.
LOGAN: Yeah, I'm beating you as Peach. You need practice.
HEATHER: Your life is so cool. You have this huge TV with video games and a balcony. You live in Neptune.
LOGAN: Yeah, it's Shangri-la.
HEATHER: My family comes to Neptune every year for vacation. Do you ever go to Zip's?
Heather is rapturous.
HEATHER: Best ice cream in the whole world.
LOGAN: No, no. Amy's is better.
HEATHER: It can't be.
LOGAN: It can. And it is.
HEATHER: I don't believe you.
He stares down at her for a moment before returning his attention to the game.
LOGAN: Why should you be any different than any other woman? Heather forgets the game and looks up at him critically.
HEATHER: So, are you all sad about a girl? Logan doesn't take his eyes off the screen, but his vision goes elsewhere.
HEATHER: [slowly] Well, I guess so. She thinks for a moment.
HEATHER: I don't guess you have any extra-small clothes around? I'm starting to smell like you. This snaps Logan out of his reverie, and he glares at her again.
EXT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY.
Veronica, having parked in the street, gets out of the Saturn and pockets her keys. She walks up to a very modest grey house with a red door.
INT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY.
The front room has a bookcase, the top and one shelf of which is covered with trophies. Josh opens the door.
JOSH: Veronica, hey. Come on in. Veronica walks in slowly, thoughtful.
VERONICA: Hey. Can you show me the spot where you found your dad?
JOSH: The cops already checked.
VERONICA: They didn't know what they were looking for.
EXT - BARRY RESIDENCE - DAY.
Josh follows Veronica out of the house.
JOSH: It's so weird that he's gone. Are you close to your dad?
VERONICA: Yeah, very.
JOSH: That's cool.
VERONICA: Were you close with yours?
They pause on the sidewalk.
JOSH: It's funny. He was my best friend and my worst enemy. Josh heads for the car. Veronica stares after him, not sure how to read him at all.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
Lamb is working/playing on his computer. There's a knock on his door and Deputy Sacks walks in.
SACKS: Sheriff, there's a kid who says he saw something on the cliff the other night. With just a glance back at what is his screen, Lamb moves with unusual alacrity as he gets up from his desk. He leads Sacks out of his office and heads straight for the witness, who has his back to him.
LAMB: You say you saw something? The witness turns around. It's Mason. Cut to later. Lamb and Mason are alone in one of the interrogation rooms. Lamb is writing in a notepad, then puts down his pen.
MASON: So, after the game, I was heading to San Diego to see my girlfriend. I'm heading down the PCH, and I see the coach's car and the coach. He was arguing with someone.
LAMB: Did you see this someone?
MASON: I went by pretty quick, but I got a good look. It was Josh Barry.
EXT - CLIFFTOP - DAY.
Veronica and Josh are at the little turnout that overlooks the ocean. Veronica, hands in her back pockets, is looking around carefully. Josh, his hands in his jacket pockets, watches her.
VERONICA: No pieces of board or motorcycle tracks, but it's possible they were erased by other cars. Veronica spots something at the edge of the cliff and strides towards it. Josh follows her.
VERONICA: It's weird. Veronica points down at the flattened grass and deep indentations in the dirt.
VERONICA: It...looks like a car went off right here. Veronica goes to the very edge and look down. Josh, who has hung back a little, walks purposively up behind her. For a moment, his intentions aren't clear, but he stands by her side and they both look into the churning waves below.
EXT - BARRY RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Darkness has fallen by the time they are driving back.
JOSH: I don't get it. Why would they push the car over, I mean, if it was a carjacking? Veronica doesn't have an answer and shakes her head. She sees lights flashing and notes Lamb's car outside the house.
VERONICA: Something's up. Lamb, leaning against his car, pushes himself off and walks towards the Saturn as Veronica parks on the opposite side of the road. She and Josh get out of the car.
VERONICA: Howdy, Sheriff. A kitten get stuck up in a tree?
LAMB: Not now, Veronica. Josh Barry?
Josh nods. On the porch of the house, his mother stands in trepidation.
LAMB: You're under arrest for the murder of your father. Josh looks resigned to it, Veronica is shocked, and Mrs. Barry starts to cry.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - NIGHT.
Logan and Heather are out on the balcony, sitting at the table. His laptop is open in front of them. Logan lifts a used plate from the table to put it back on the trolley. Heather twists the laptop to face Logan. His screen wallpaper is a picture of Veronica.
HEATHER: Is this your girlfriend?
LOGAN: Mmm. Ex.
HEATHER: She's pretty.
The phone starts to ring.
LOGAN: Is she? I hadn't noticed. Logan gets up disconsolately and walks to the phone inside the suite. He grabs it and checks the caller ID before answering.
LOGAN: Where the hell are you? You're supposed to be back.
INT - LAS VEGAS, DICK'S HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUING.
Music: "Too Much to Ask For" by Radio 4, instrumental part only. The curtains are still open for the Paris Las Vegas by night scene. Dick starts in deadly earnest.
DICK: Guess what, dude.
He throws his arm up in the air and grins.
DICK: I'm married!
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
There is the faint possibility that Logan's panic is in response to concern for his friend's welfare, rather than for the thought of another day with the kid.
LOGAN: Get back here, man.
INT - LAS VEGAS, DICK'S HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUING.
Dick is not is not impressed by Logan's version of "Congratulations." He stumbles drunkenly towards the bed and sinks down on it. Melinda is passed out.
DICK: Dude, where's the love? I'm on my honeymoon. God. Dick closes up the phone and looks over at his unblushing bride, still wearing his look of disgust. End music: "Too Much to Ask For" by Radio 4.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
Logan still has the ear to his phone, not expecting the hang up. He drops it as Heather hurries past him, heading for the door with all her stuff.
LOGAN: Where are you going? She turns to face him, grinning.
HEATHER: Oh, a guy I was chatting with online wants to meet me, so he's gonna pick me up out front and then take me to Zip's for ice cream.
LOGAN: Yeah, you're not going anywhere.
HEATHER: Uh, yeah, I am.
LOGAN: No, you're not.
HEATHER: You can't make me stay here.
LOGAN: Heather-
Heather starts to giggle. Logan is confused.
HEATHER: Like I'd really go meet a guy that I met online. Logan nods and grins back.
LOGAN: Nicely played. He turns to walk back to the balcony and she follows. Without looking round, he holds out his hand behind him for her to slap. She does, hard.
HEATHER: So, who was that on the phone?
LOGAN: Oh, just your brother-in-law.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
Veronica saunters into the cell area. Josh, laying on the bottom bunk, sees her and gets up. They meet at the bars.
VERONICA: So, how's it going?
JOSH: The sheriff's a tool, but otherwise...
Veronica nods.
JOSH: You find out anything?
VERONICA: They found your dad's car in the water below the cliff. Carjacking is off the list, and that's not great for you.
JOSH: What? God, now with Mason, it's like they're just lining up against me. I...I don't understand.
VERONICA: Is there any reason Mason would lie about seeing you, grudges or anything?
Josh shakes his head.
JOSH: Naw, just against my dad. He lost the starting job a few games ago.
VERONICA: Still...
JOSH: He's got a temper...and a gun, I've seen it. At a party once, he was, like, showing it off. I told the sheriff. He didn't care. No one believes me. You believe me, don't you?
Veronica searches for the right answer.
VERONICA: At Mars Investigations, believing our clients is just one of the many services we offer. Is there anything I can get you?
JOSH: Ah, I don't know. Something to read, cookies, peanut butter if possible, a hacksaw.
Veronica smiles.
VERONICA: I can do reading materials, but the sheriff personally inspects all the food, and it rarely makes it back to the intended inmate.
JOSH: Well, I'll live.
They smile.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Keith is on the phone at his desk.
KEITH: Hi, is this maintenance? He listens for a moment.
KEITH: Yeah, I was wondering if anyone at your airport refuelled a Gulfstream V last Friday. He listens again.
KEITH: Yeah, that's right. As he awaits the information, he readies himself to write.
KEITH: About what time did you see Mr. Stoltz? His pen hovers over his pad, but he's not too happy with the information he is getting.
KEITH: Thank you. He puts the phone down and makes a note. A little disgruntled, he adds the note to the file, closes it, and takes it to the filing cabinet in his office. As he drops in it, Mindy arrives at the door behind him.
MINDY: I got your call. Keith freezes for a second, then slams the drawer shut and turns to face her, looking sombre.
MINDY: Did I catch you at a bad time?
KEITH: I'm afraid I was calling to say I want off the case.
MINDY: I don't understand.
KEITH: Mrs. O'Dell, I found eggshell under the wiper blade of your Volvo, the car you were driving that night, the same night his office was egged by a bunch of disgruntled students.
MINDY: No, Keith, I-I didn't leave that hotel until just before dawn. I have no idea how eggshell ended up on the car.
KEITH: I can only come up with one answer, and it isn't one you'd like. But that's only half of it. I also discovered a mysterious call on your cell phone the night of your husband's death.
MINDY: [showing horror] You tracked down my cell-phone bill?
KEITH: If you and Landry were together all night at the Neptune Grand, then why did you need to call his cell at 1:32 in the morning?
MINDY: I'm sorry. I don't know why. It doesn't make any...
She stops and then has a revelation.
MINDY: Yes. I remember now. Um, I r-ran down to the lobby to get some toothpaste.
KEITH: And you called Hank?
MINDY: Yeah, it was for him. One of his students works in the hotel, and he didn't want to be seen by him. I just wanted to know what brand he used.
Keith doesn't look convinced. A cell phone rings.
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - CONTINUING.
Professor Landry is walking across the campus.
LANDRY: Hello? Keith Mars, what can I help you with?
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - CONTINUING.
Keith is at his desk and Mindy is still with him. Keith has Landry on the speaker phone.
KEITH: Well, as you know, Dr. Landry, I'm working with Mrs. O'Dell to try to prove her husband was murdered, and I was just trying to tie up some loose ends.
LANDRY: [on phone] The crime...
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - CONTINUING.
LANDRY: Is that you've taken the case. Cyrus O'Dell killed himself. You're simply taking money from his grieving widow.
KEITH: [on phone, equably] I appreciate your firm ethical stand.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - CONTINUING.
KEITH: I'll mull that over, but in the meantime, I was wondering why there's a cell phone charge between you and Mrs. O'Dell at 1:30 a.m. I was led to believe the two of you were together the entire evening.
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - CONTINUING.
LANDRY: As I recall, she called me from the lobby asking what brand of toothpaste I preferred.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - CONTINUING.
LANDRY: [on phone] I do hope that helps. Now, if you excuse me, I have a class.
KEITH: I appreciate your time.
Keith cuts off the phone.
MINDY: Look, I can't explain the eggshell. I wish I could, but I need to know if you're still working to find my husband's killer.
KEITH: You still want me?
MINDY: Well, you're digging, albeit in the wrong place, but...it's more than I can say about the sheriff's department.
Keith gazes at her thoughtfully.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY.
Another Mario Cart game is in action. Logan is chirpier as he plays until...
HEATHER: Why is that girl your ex? He looks down at her, then back at the screen.
LOGAN: Because that's the nice thing you call people when you stop dating them.
HEATHER: Well, why aren't you dating if you still love her?
Logan sighs loudly and looks down at her again. She holds his stare.
HEATHER: It's pretty obvious. They both return their attention to the game.
LOGAN: Because I screwed up.
HEATHER: How?
LOGAN: [getting a little fed up] I did something that I shouldn't have done, okay?
Heather laughs that off.
HEATHER: Well, did you tell her you were sorry?
LOGAN: [sharply] Yes.
HEATHER: Like, in a way so she knows you mean it?
LOGAN: Yeah.
HEATHER: Are you sure?
Frustrated, Logan manipulates his control to pause the game. The game screen holds on "continue," offering "restart," "change course," "change characters," and "quit." Logan looks down at Heather.
LOGAN: [intently] I poured my heart out to her on her voice mail, and she never even called me back. She's done.
HEATHER: Well, maybe you should try harder. Call her again.
LOGAN: Well, you need to keep your mind on the race. You're not getting any better at this.
Logan starts the game up again and puts an end to further discussion.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL - DAY.
In what one can easily imagine to be the bowels of the hotel, a man sits in a security room, watching a television screen. Keith arrives at the open door behind him and knocks on it. The man swivels around.
KEITH: How are the ponies treating you, Reggie?
REGGIE: I'm still working here, aren't I?
They shake hands and Reggie's view is revealed. He's watching security cameras on a bank of four screens.
REGGIE: What's up? You want me to check up on your daughter again?
KEITH: Just want to confirm a client's alibi, and I figured you'd be the guy to talk to.
REGGIE: What date are you looking for?
KEITH: December 10.
Reggie shakes his head.
REGGIE: Oh, no can do, Keith. The hard drive starts recording over itself after a month. That stuff's history. Hey, if you know their plates, I could talk to my buddy who works valet. They keep those records in the computer forever. Reggie smiles. Keith nod approvingly.
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Mason exits one of the buildings. Veronica races towards him from the side and walks by his side.
VERONICA: Mason, hi. I'm Veronica, Wallace's friend. Actually, I'm working with the Barrys.
MASON: Oh, yeah, he told me. It's too bad. Looks like Josh's dad pushed him too far, huh?
VERONICA: What did you tell the sheriff you saw that night?
MASON: Oh, just what I saw. I was heading south on the PCH, saw the coach's car, saw the coach, saw Josh. They were arguing.
They climb up some stairs.
VERONICA: Were they facing each other?
MASON: Yeah.
VERONICA: So, how did you see both?
Veronica illustrates with her hands.
VERONICA: If you're coming this way and you see the coach arguing with someone, it sounds like that person's back is to your direction of travel.
MASON: No, it was him. I saw his hair, the Hearst basketball jacket. And, yeah, I looked back and saw his profile when I went by. It was him.
They come out the other side of the passage through Hepner Hall.
VERONICA: Josh suggested you've been pretty upset with his dad about losing your starting job. Mason is incredulous and comes to a halt. Veronica turns to face him.
MASON: You really think that I would kill my coach because he wasn't starting me?
VERONICA: A woman in Texas hired a hit man to take out the mother of her daughter's cheerleading rival, so, you know, I'm pretty much willing to consider anything. Where do you keep your gun?
Mason's had enough.
MASON: Man, screw you, okay? He walks off in a huff.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Keith enters the apartment. He is a little astonished to see Veronica baking. She glances up and grins. He shuts the door behind him.
KEITH: Did you suffer a blow to the head?
VERONICA: It's work. They're for Josh.
Keith leans against the counter and watches her as she sections off the dough to make cookies.
KEITH: So, this means you believe him?
VERONICA: I'm not sure. I certainly want him to believe I believe him.
KEITH: Ahh, sneaky. He may need some cheering up. I checked with Mason's girlfriend. She confirmed he was with her the night of the murder.
Veronica stares at him sadly for a moment.
VERONICA: Dad, do me a favour.
KEITH: Anything.
VERONICA: [sincerely] Don't get murdered.
KEITH: Honey.
Veronica speaks with increasing emotion. Keith straightens up to stand closer to her.
VERONICA: Because I couldn't live without you, and all I've been doing is thinking about what I would do if I didn't have you.
KEITH: [gently] Maybe you should let me handle this case by myself.
VERONICA: [with faux-humour] You know that won't work.
She lets out a half-laugh, half-cry to shake her out of her moment of vulnerability.
VERONICA: I only brood when I'm not doing anything. She looks up at Keith to reassure him and goes back to business, albeit that she's about to load a tray of cookies into the oven.
VERONICA: How did Mindy take it when you told her you dropped the case?
KEITH: I didn't quite drop it.
Veronica straightens from putting the tray in the oven and stares at her father, puzzled.
KEITH: She had an excuse for the phone call that checked out. I hit up my sources at the hotel, but they don't keep surveillance tape that long. Veronica scraps some mixture from the bowl with the spoon.
VERONICA: Tell me again why you have a relationship with Neptune Grand security. She passes the spoon to Keith.
KEITH: I may have learned something bigger. Keith slowly peels the dough from the spoon.
KEITH: According to valet records, someone took out the Volvo at 1:51 a.m. and returned it at 2:59 a.m. He pops the dough in his mouth. Veronica is excited.
[SCENE_BREAK]
VERONICA: The witness said they heard the gunshot somewhere between 2:20 and 2:30.
KEITH: I know.
VERONICA: So, it's one of them, right? It has to be.
KEITH: It doesn't have to be, but it looks that way. My relationship at the Grand doesn't have access to registration receipts. You know anyone over there who might be willing to bend some rules?
Keith licks his fingers.
VERONICA: Possibly.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, RECEPTION.
Veronica heads for the reception desk. Tina, last seen in 306 "Hi, Infidelity," is manning the desk.
TINA: Good evening, Logan's girlfriend. Veronica, right?
VERONICA: That's...right.
TINA: How can I help you?
VERONICA: You remember Rory Finch.
TINA: Your mystery guest.
Veronica nods.
TINA: Haven't seen him in a while.
VERONICA: Like, since December 10th?
Tina checks her computer.
TINA: Precisely. That's his last day.
VERONICA: Do you have a record of the charges made to the room that night?
TINA: Let's see.
Tina taps a few more keys.
TINA: They have a room-service charge, crème brûlée just before midnight. And then they started a pay-per-view movie at 2:02 a.m.
VERONICA: I know it always says that the movie title isn't listed on the bill, but you guys know, right?
TINA: [conspiratorially] So true.
She taps.
TINA: It was Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
VERONICA: You don't have any way of checking to see who delivered the room service, do you?
TINA: No, but I know who works the graveyard. His name's Jeff Ratner. They stuck him on the shift after they busted him for stealing toiletries.
VERONICA: Rrrratner, eh?
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE.
Music: Unknown. Heather excitedly pulls Logan into Dick's room.
HEATHER: Come here! You have to listen to this.
She pulls him over to the chest at the side where a radio is playing.
HEATHER: I called KRAC like two hundred times. I kept getting this recording, and then finally, I got through. They're gonna play my request.
LOGAN: Uh, local calls are two dollars each.
Heather's face falls. Logan stares at her. She opens her mouth to say something but can't. Logan relents.
LOGAN: I'm teasing. Heather grins and Logan smiles back. He glances with concern at the radio.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, KITCHEN.
End music: Unknown. The radio's on in the kitchen too, just as Veronica is looking for Jeff.
DJ: I've got a dedication going out from a very sad boy...
Music: "What's Left of Me" by Nick Lachey.
LYRICS: I feel you Crawling underneath my skin Like a hunger Like a burning To find a place I've never been Now I'm broken And I'm faded I'm half the man I thought I would be But you can have what's left of me-
Veronica passes the radio without a glance.
DJ: To a very special girl. So, if you're out there and you're listening, Veronica... Veronica freezes.
DJ: This is from Logan. He's sorry, girl, and he wants you back. Disbelieving, though whether from the fact of the dedication or the song choice is unclear, Veronica turns to stare at the radio. She walks back slowly and stares at it for a moment. She switches it off. End music: "What's Left of Me" by Nick Lachey. She turns to resume her search and runs straight into Jeff Ratner bringing through some food for a table trolley.
JEFF: Take it from the guy who has to clean up after him. Jeff carries a covered dish of food to a newly laid table trolley and sets it down.
JEFF: You don't want what's left of Logan Echolls. He just lies around in bed all day and smells.
VERONICA: Jeff Ratner. Just who I was looking for. Let's talk crème brûlée.
Jeff gives her a wary look.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE.
Music: "What's Left of Me" by Nick Lachey.
LYRICS: I want you I feel you Crawling underneath my skin Like a hunger Like a burning To find a place I've never been Now I'm broken And I'm faded I'm half the man I thought I would be But you can have what's left of me It's falling faster Barely breathing Give me something To believe in Tell me it's not all in my head
Nick's still powering it out in Dick's room. Logan is cringing. Heather is beyond enrapt.
LOGAN: I really wish you hadn't have done that.
HEATHER: You're gonna thank me.
Logan is not so sure and stares down at the ground.
HEATHER: Girls love that stuff. They like it when you make them feel like they're a big deal, like you'd do absolutely anything to be with them. People in love shouldn't break up. Giving up is just stupid. Logan nods and reaches out to put his hand on top of her head. He pats her in a way that shows how foreign the gesture is for him. He turns around and walks out of the room. Heather follows him into the lounge.
HEATHER: Okay, I'm starting to feel like I'm living in a hamster cage. Is there a workout room or something?
LOGAN: Yeah, I'll show you.
End music: "What's Left of Me" by Nick Lachey.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, CORRIDOR.
Jeff leads Veronica to the door of the room Mindy and Landry shared the night the dean died.
JEFF: This is the room. This is where I brought the crème brûlée. This is right where I was standing when I heard the fight. Can I leave now?
VERONICA: A fight? What kind of fight?
JEFF: People yelling at each other.
VERONICA: What were they saying?
JEFF: You know, I didn't hold a glass to the door. You'd be surprised what you overhear working in a four-star hotel. I figured it was the wrong time to deliver the crème brûlée, so I left and came back later.
VERONICA: Who answered the door when you came back?
JEFF: I don't know. Some lady.
VERONICA: The one you heard yelling?
JEFF: No.
This surprises Veronica immensely.
VERONICA: Are you sure?
JEFF: Yes, I'm pretty sure. I heard two men yelling.
Veronica does a bit of a double take.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, ELEVATOR.
Elevator doors open to reveal Veronica and Jeff waiting to board. Logan and Heather are already in there. Veronica and Logan are each stunned by the presence of the other. Jeff hurries in. He sighs as he turns and realises that Veronica hasn't moved.
JEFF: Getting in? She spares him a momentary glance from staring at Logan to nod. She steps onto the lift. Logan shuffles aside and she stands uncomfortably next to him. She struggles before coming out with...
VERONICA: Hi. Logan stares straight ahead.
LOGAN: Hey. Another moment of uncomfortable silence goes by. Veronica looks around Logan at Heather.
VERONICA: Is that my shirt? Heather looks down at her t-shirt.
LOGAN: Yeah, she was out of clothes.
VERONICA: Oh.
Heather looks over at Veronica, who is completely bemused and at a loss. Heather recognises her and starts to get excited. She starts to bump Logan, whispering and squeeing.
HEATHER: It's her. It's her.
LOGAN: Yeah.
Veronica can't help but hear and be even more embarrassed. She looks at Jeff who narrows his eyes. Logan casts her a quick glance.
HEATHER: It's her, isn't it? Oh, my God! It's her. Tell her!
LOGAN: Shh.
HEATHER: Tell her how you feel.
LOGAN: Shut up.
Logan is desperately wishing this isn't happening. Heather can't contain herself. She steps out from Logan's side, a huge grin on her face.
HEATHER: Excuse me, Miss Veronica? Yeah, were you listening to super hits 98? 'Cause there was just this dedication.
VERONICA: Yeah, I, um...
She darts a glance at Logan.
VERONICA: Heard it.
HEATHER: Well, it's true. Logan's sorry, and he misses you. And he wants you back. And you two should get back together...
The elevator pings
HEATHER: Because he totally loves-
LOGAN: This is our floor.
Logan can't push Heather out fast enough. He gets them out but can't resist staring back at Veronica. They look at each other an age before the door closes between them.
JEFF: Trouble in paradise? Veronica looks up at him, a little shell-shocked.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, CORRIDOR - CONTINUING.
Outside, Logan walks away from the elevator, also shell-shocked. Heather gushes.
HEATHER: I can't believe you blew that. That was the most perfect opportunity. Why didn't you tell her how you feel? Logan finally snaps and turns on her.
LOGAN: Because I'm not eleven, and I'm not delusional. You don't know a single thing about love, Heather. Heather's face crumples.
LOGAN: You know, it isn't writing someone's name o-on the back of your notebook and drawing a heart around it. It is easy to be happy all the time when you're eleven. You talk to me about love when you know something about it. Logan storms off, and Heather is left to cry alone.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY CLASS - DAY.
The subject for the Criminology class is "Advanced Applied Victimology." Landry drops his bag by his lectern and digs around in it.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Knowing that Dr. Landry and Mrs. O'Dell left the Grand in time to kill the dean adds a whole new level of weirdness to attending Landry's profiling class. Veronica finds her seat in the lecture room, but before she can sit down....
LANDRY: Miss Mars, can I talk to you for a second? A little hesitantly, Veronica walks down the stairs towards him.
LANDRY: Good news. You've made it to the second round of the FBI internship. It seems that the feds were as impressed with you as I am.
VERONICA: Oh. Great. Thanks for pushing me to apply and the recommendation.
LANDRY: Well, I'm sure the dean's letter didn't hurt either.
VERONICA: The dean's...?
LANDRY: I put a notice on the faculty blog asking if anyone would want to contribute an additional letter. Cyrus...
He bends down and pulls out a file.
LANDRY: Came through for us. A copy of your application. He hands it to her. Veronica opens the file and starts to read the letter. She is stunned.
LANDRY: Are you okay, Veronica?
VERONICA: Yeah. Fine.
She closes the file and recovers herself.
VERONICA: It just reminds me of that one scene from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
LANDRY: Really?
VERONICA: Yeah, you know, after Robert Downey Jr. dies, Val Kilmer gets a message from him?
LANDRY: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang? Robert Downey survives the whole film.
VERONICA: Oh, I must be confused.
Landry doesn't think so.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Veronica is sitting on Keith's desk as seen from the side door from the hall.
KEITH: And you brought up the movie with him?
VERONICA: Yeah, and he was up on the details. It sounds like he watched it. Dad...
Veronica pulls out the file Landry gave her.
VERONICA: Look at this. Keith takes it and opens the file.
VERONICA: I guess Dr. Landry asked Dean O'Dell to write me a recommendation letter for the internship at the FBI. Keith reads the letter out loud.
KEITH: "Dear Sir, in my twenty-five years working in academia, I have not come across a young person with more initiative, intelligence, and character than Veronica Mars." Keith sits up a little straighter and smiles. He continues reading.
KEITH: "I enthusiastically recommend her and would be happy to discuss this remarkable young woman in greater detail. Sincerely, Cyrus O'Dell, Dean of Students, Hearst College." Veronica's eyes fill.
VERONICA: I would have settled for, "I find her nosiness charming."
KEITH: Man had good taste. Let's honour him by putting his killer behind bars.
VERONICA: Agreed.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY.
Logan is back to lying on his orange sheets. The phone by his bed sounds. He sighs and picks it up, having checked the caller ID.
LOGAN: Where are you?
EXT - ON THE ROAD - CONTINUING.
Dick's driving.
DICK: Hey, buddy. Got a question for you. You know a good lawyer? Melinda, in the passenger's seat, casts him a withering look.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
LOGAN: I know a lawyer.
DICK: [on phone] Good. I'm gonna need one.
EXT - ON THE ROAD - CONTINUING.
DICK: Like, we're on the road. We'll be home in a couple of hours. Wifey-poo wants to talk to you.
Dick holds out the cell phone to Melinda. She snatches it.
MELINDA: Hey, Logan, is Heather doing okay?
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
LOGAN: Yeah, is she ever not? Is she always like this, so...bubbly?
MELINDA: [on phone] That's kind of her new thing.
Logan looks in the direction of lounge, now concerned.
EXT - ON THE ROAD - CONTINUING.
MELINDA: Well, she started acting weird when our dad walked out. I don't think she can get it through her thick skull.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
MELINDA: [on phone] It can really wear you out, huh?
EXT - ON THE ROAD - CONTINUING.
MELINDA: Just make sure she takes her Prozac, or she'll just drive you nuts.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
Logan doesn't respond, instead rolling his eyes at himself. Cut to a little later. Logan is standing at the closed door to Dick's room. He knocks. Heather shouts though the door.
HEATHER: Go away! Logan, leaning against the doorjamb, puts his hand on his hip.
LOGAN: Well, now you made me want ice cream, so... He sighs heavily.
LOGAN: I'm going to Amy's. Come with me if you want. The door eventually opens. Logan smiles warmly at her. Heather relents and smiles back.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Keith is by Veronica's office, checking some files, when Mindy arrives.
MINDY: So, any progress on the case? Uh, your message sounded urgent.
KEITH: Significant progress, I think. Mrs. O'Dell, what can you tell me about Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?
MINDY: Um, I can tell you it's a movie.
KEITH: Is that it?
She laughs uncomfortably.
MINDY: Why on earth is this important?
KEITH: Because I heard that was the movie playing in your hotel room at the time your husband died.
She shrugs.
MINDY: Well, maybe Hank started it after I fell asleep.
KEITH: [with increasing aggression] I also have the valet log showing that your Volvo was checked out roughly thirty minutes before the murder and checked back in roughly thirty minutes afterwards.
MINDY: No, then someone is framing me.
KEITH: Who was in your room with you that night?
MINDY: Hank, but you-
KEITH: Other than Hank.
MINDY: No one.
KEITH: A witness says he overheard two men arguing loudly at approximately midnight in your room.
MINDY: No. Then-then he heard the TV.
KEITH: [sharply] I don't believe you, Mrs. O'Dell.
MINDY: I don't need to listen to this. You're off the case, Mr. Mars.
She starts to walk out of the office.
KEITH: You can fire me, Mrs. O'Dell, but I'm afraid you can't take me off the case. She turns back to glare at him.
KEITH: I quite liked your husband. She shoulders her bag and walks out. He watches her go without qualm.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, OUTSIDE LOGAN'S SUITE - DAY.
Heather and Logan get off of the elevator and walks towards the suite.
HEATHER: Okay, this is better than the place I used to go with my parents.
LOGAN: Well, with age comes wisdom. You know, you can play Mario Kart online. We should have a weekly game or something, keep you sharp.
Logan sticks the key card in the door to open it. Heather looks up at him with disgust.
HEATHER: Quit flirting with me, old man. I'm eleven. Logan grins.
HEATHER: Jeez. That's creepy.
LOGAN: Yeah.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL, LOGAN'S SUITE - CONTINUING.
They walk into the suite and slap-bang into a domestic as Dick and Melinda are screaming at each other.
MELINDA: You called me a freak!
DICK: I called your toes freakish. I didn't call you a freak. It's supposed to go big toe, little toe, and then on down the line, not big toe, bigger toe.
MELINDA: You really make me sick.
DICK: I make you sick? You're the freak.
Logan and Heather watch happily.
LOGAN: Ahh, newlyweds. Melinda turns on them.
MELINDA: Where the hell have you been? I've been waiting to go for like twenty minutes. Logan and Heather glance at each other.
MELINDA: Get your stuff. We're going. Melinda grabs her bag and marches to the door. Heather, still in Veronica's t-shirt, collects her backpack and heads to follow her, passing Logan.
HEATHER: Fridays at four are good for me. She hugs him around the waist. Logan holds her and smiles down at her. Dick gives Melinda a salute and she returns it with a filthy look. The girls leave.
LOGAN: [amused] There goes the old ball and chain, eh?
DICK: I need a shower.
Disgruntled, Dick heads for his room.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
Veronica arrives at the jail cell bearing gifts.
VERONICA: Here you go, sheriff-approved reading material. She passes a small pile of books and magazines through the bars, which Josh takes. The book at the top of the pile is Alexandre Dumas's The Count of Monte Cristo.
VERONICA: I think you'll really enjoy the Dumas book. Josh flicks open the pages. After the first few, he finds a stash of cookies in an area cut out through the pages.
VERONICA: It's quite chunky. He smiles down at her.
JOSH: Thanks, Veronica. Veronica nods.
JOSH: I've been thinking it over. It's Mason. Why else would he lie? It makes sense. You got to find that gun.
VERONICA: Josh, if he did do it, he probably threw the gun in the ocean.
JOSH: Yeah. You're probably right. Thanks anyway for the stuff.
VERONICA: Hang in there, okay?
Josh nods and Veronica leaves. Josh takes the books back to his bunk. He opens the Dumas and takes out a cookie. He looks at it for a moment, and then up at his cell mate on the top bunk. The cell mate, giving the appearance of an emaciated homeless man, peers down at Josh and the cookies. Josh looks at the cookie again before popping it in his mouth.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, OUTSIDE ECONOMICS CLASSROOM - DAY.
As unaffected by life as ever, Dick marches happily down the hall. He points.
DICK: You coming? Logan, clean-shaven and smirking, joins him in the march to the classroom.
LOGAN: Let the learning begin. Dick turns into the classroom. Logan continues straight on to Professor Corrigan. He holds up a shiny, red apple.
LOGAN: You miss me? Corrigan, who's obviously never read Snow White, takes it with a sceptical glare. Logan spins around and walks into class.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY CLASSROOM - DAY.
In criminology, Landry is in full flow.
LANDRY: In all these cases, the criminals operated for years unsuspected within the completely ordinary settings, the classic, "He seemed so nice..." On the slide screen, is a somewhat disturbing picture of Aileen Wuornos grinning.
LANDRY: "He kept to himself." The slide changes to a picture of John Wayne Gacy.
LANDRY: Knowing the signs, we can identify the criminal among us before... Landry pauses as he spots Lamb and a deputy enter the lecture room.
LAMB: Oh, sorry, Professor. I need one of your students. Veronica Mars? Veronica rolls her eyes. She holds up her hand. Lamb smiles and walks until he stands right behind her.
LAMB: Miss Mars. He takes her wrist, still held in the air, and slaps on a pair of handcuffs.
LAMB: You are under arrest for the aiding and abetting of the escape of Josh Barry. Veronica is taken aback and Lamb pulls her to her feet. Lamb is enjoying himself as he pulls her arms behind her. Landry watches curiously.
LAMB: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. | Plan: A: Logan; Q: Who is upset after Veronica breaks up with him? A: Veronica; Q: Who is arrested for being an accomplice to Josh's escape? A: Dick; Q: Who invites two girls over to cheer Logan up? A: an eleven-year-old girl; Q: Who does Logan have to babysit instead of the two girls? A: Keith; Q: Who does Wallace's widow hire to investigate the murder? A: Professor Landry; Q: Who is the other person who gave a false alibis? A: Wallace; Q: Who rejoins the Hearst basketball team right before the coach is found dead? A: Josh; Q: Who is the son of Wallace's widow? A: his accomplice; Q: What is Veronica accused of being when Josh escapes from prison? Summary: Logan is upset after Veronica breaks up with him, so Dick invites two girls over to cheer him up, but Logan has to babysit an eleven-year-old girl instead. Keith and Veronica discover that the alibis given by Mindy O'Dell and Professor Landry do not match. Wallace rejoins the Hearst basketball team right before the coach is found dead. His widow hires Keith to investigate the murder and clear her son Josh. When Josh escapes from prison, Veronica is arrested for allegedly being his accomplice. |
Matt: I'm starting to feel weird about this. This doesn't have anything to do with Allison, does it?
Jackson: You have a little thing for Allison, Matt? A little - a little crush?
Matt: No.
Jackson: You think I'm gonna waste my time by doing something as - as unbelievably ordinary as making a s*x tape?
Matt: Then what are you doing?
Jackson: Documenting history. You'll get it back tomorrow.
Matt: Son of a bitch. I knew you were lying. What the hell?
Sheriff: So this kid's the real killer?
Stiles: Yeah.
Sheriff: No.
Stiles: Yes!
Sheriff: No.
Stiles: Dad, come on. Everybody knows that the police look for ways to connect victims in a murder, okay? So all he had to do is, like, look through their transcripts and figure out which class they all had in common.
Sheriff: Yeah, except for the fact that the rave promoter Kara wasn't in Harris's class.
Stiles: All right, okay, you're right, sorry. Then I guess they dropped the charges against him?
Sheriff: No, you know what? They're not dropping the charges. But that doesn't prove anything.
Stiles: H -
Sheriff: Scott, do you believe this?
Stiles: Oh.
Scott: It's really hard to explain how we know this, but you just gotta trust us. We know it's Matt.
Stiles: Yeah, he took Harris's car, okay? Look, he knew that if a cop found tire tracks at one of the murders, and that if enough of the victims were in Harris's class, that they'd arrest him.
Sheriff: All right, fine. I'll allow the remote possibility, but give me a motive. I mean, why would this kid want most of the 2006 swim team and its coach dead?
Stiles: Isn't it obvious? Our swim team sucks! They haven't won in, like, six years. Okay, we don't have a motive yet. I mean, come on, does Harris?
Sheriff: What do you want me to do?
Scott: We need to look at the evidence.
Sheriff: Yeah, that would be in the station, where I no longer work.
Stiles: Trust me, they'll let you in.
Sheriff: Trust you?
Stiles: Trust - trust Scott?
Sheriff: Scott I trust.
Deputy: It's 2:00 in the morning.
Sheriff: Believe me, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't extremely important.
Stiles: We look at the hospital stuff first, okay?
Scott: Why?
Stiles: Because all the murders were committed by Jackson, except for one, you remember?
Scott: The pregnant girl, Jessica.
Stiles: Yeah. Since Matt had to kill her himself, somebody from the hospital could've seen him.
Sheriff: Thank you. Boys.
Sheriff: I don't know, guys. I mean, look at this. There was a six - car pileup that night, the hospital was jammed.
Stiles: All right, just keep going. Look, he had to have passed one of the cameras on that floor to get to Jessica, okay? He's gotta be on the footage somewhere.
Scott: Oh, hold on, stop! Did you see that? Scroll back.
Stiles: That's him! That's Matt!
Sheriff: All I see is the back of someone's head.
Stiles: Matt's head, yeah. I sit behind him in history. He's got a very distinct cranium, it's weird.
Sheriff: Are you crazy?
Stiles: All right, fine, then look at his jacket, huh? How many people do you know who wear black leather jackets?
Sheriff: Millions, literally.
Scott: Okay, can we scroll forward? There's gotta be a shot of him coming at one of the cameras.
Stiles: Right there! Stop, stop! See, there he is again.
Sheriff: You mean there's the back of his head again.
Stiles: Okay, but look. He's talking to someone.
Scott: He's talking to my mom.
Melissa: Scott, you know how many people I deal with in a day?
Scott: This one's 16 he's got dark hair, looks like a normal teenager.
Stiles: Yeah, he looks evil.
Melissa: Scott, I already talked to the police about this.
Scott: Okay, mom, I'm gonna take a picture and send it to you. Did you get it?
Melissa: Yeah.
Scott: Do you recognize him? Do you remember him?
Melissa: Yeah, I did. I mean, I remember I stopped him because he was tracking mud in the hall. Scott, what's going on?
Scott: It's - it's nothing, mom. I'll explain later. I gotta go.
Sheriff: We've got shoe prints alongside the tire tracks at the trailer site.
Stiles: And if they match, that puts Matt at the scene of three murders. The trailer, the hospital, and the rave.
Sheriff: Actually, four. A credit card receipt for an oil change was signed by Matt at the garage where the mechanic was killed.
Stiles: When?
Sheriff: A couple hours before you got there.
Stiles: All right, dad, if one's an incident, two's a coincidence, and three's a pattern, what's four?
Sheriff: Four's enough for a warrant. Scott, call your mom back, see how quick she can get here. If I can get an official ID, I can get a search warrant. Stiles, go to the front desk. Tell them to let Scott's mom in when she gets here.
Stiles: On it.
Stiles: Hello?
Deaton: Derek - Can you hear me? Derek - Can you hear me? I need you to answer me, Derek. Derek! We don't have much time.
Derek: That sound - What was it?
Deaton: You're gonna be weak for several hours.
Derek: It actually happened.
Deaton: Don't worry. You're still an Alpha. But, as usual, not a particularly competent one.
Derek: Where is he?
Deaton: I wish I could tell you.
Derek: Then how about you tell me what you're doing here, and why you're helping me.
Deaton: Helping your family actually used to be a pretty important part of my life. Helping you was a promise I made to your mother.
Derek: You're the one my sister talked about. She said you're a - kind of advisor?
Deaton: She was right. And I have some advice that you need to listen to very closely right now. What Peter managed to do doesn't come without a price. He'll be physically weak, so he'll rely on the strength of his intelligence, his cunning. He's gonna come at you, Derek. He'll try to twist his way inside your head, preying on your insecurities. He'll tell you that he's the only way you can stop Gerard. Do not trust him.
Derek: I don't trust anyone.
Deaton: I know. If you did, you might be the Alpha you like to think you are. And unfortunately, the one person you should trust doesn't trust you at all.
Derek: Scott.
Deaton: He's with Stilinski right now. You need to find him, you need to find him as fast as you can. I've known Gerard for a long time. He always has a plan. Something tells me - it's going exactly the way he wants it to.
Scott: She's on her way here. Sheriff?
Sheriff: Matt? It's Matt, right? Matt, whatever's going on, I guarantee you there's a solution that doesn't involve a gun.
Matt: You know, it's funny you say that, because I don't think you're aware of just how right you are.
Sheriff: I know you don't wanna hurt people.
Matt: Actually, I wanna hurt a lot of people. You three weren't on my list, but I could be persuaded. And one way is to try dialing somebody on your cell phone, like McCall is doing. That - that could definitely get someone hurt. Everyone. Now!
Sheriff: Come on.
Matt: Tighter.
Sheriff: Do what he says, Stiles.
Scott: What, are you gonna kill everyone in here?
Matt: No, that's what Jackson's for. I just think about killing them, and he does it.
Gerard: Sweetheart.
Allison: I don't wanna talk.
Gerard: I understand. I'm not sure if there's anything I can say. I won't pretend to know what you're going through.
Allison: Then leave.
Gerard: Of course. I just wanted to give you something from your mother. Partly because I couldn't help noticing that things have been kind of difficult between you two. But it can wait.
Allison: What? What is it?
Gerard: No, really, sweetheart, it can wait. You get some rest.
Allison: What is it?
Gerard: As you know, your mother wrote a suicide note to explain away our difficult situation to the police. She wrote this note to explain it to you. If I give this to you, you have to destroy it immediately. You burn it. You promise?
Allison: Yes.
Gerard: I want you to know she asked me to read it. I told her I shouldn't, that it was private between the two of you. But she wanted my thoughts. As I said before, I don't know what you're going through. I wasn't close to my own mother. But reading this made me sorry I hadn't tried to be. Because if this were my mother, if these words were written for me, I don't know how I could sit still until someone paid for her death. Any pity I'd have for Derek and his pack would be burned out by a white - hot desire for retribution, or a kind of blood and destruction that would have Derek and his wolves howling not for mercy, but for their own sweet deaths.
Stiles: Deleted. And we're done. All right, so, Matt, since all the people you brutally murdered deserved it because they killed you first - whatever that means - I think we're good here, right? So I'll just get my dad, and we'll go, you know? You continue on the whole vengeance thing. Enjoy the kanima.
Matt: Sounds like your mom's here, McCall.
Scott: Matt, don't do this. When she comes to the door, I'll just tell her to leave. I'll tell her we didn't find anything. Please, Matt.
Matt: If you don't move - now, I'm gonna kill Stiles first, and then your mom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Matt: Open it.
Scott: Please.
Matt: Open the door.
Scott: Oh, thank God.
Derek: This is the one controlling him? This kid?
Matt: Well, Derek, not everyone's lucky enough to be a big, bad werewolf. Oh, yeah, that's - that's right. I've learned a few things lately. Werewolves, hunters, kanimas. It's like a frickin' Halloween party every full moon. Except for you, Stiles. What do you turn into?
Stiles: Abominable snowman. But, uh, it's more of, like, a wintertime thing, you know, seasonal.
Scott: Hey!
Stiles: You bitch.
Derek: Get him off of me.
Matt: Oh, I don't know, Derek. I think you two make a pretty good pair. It must kinda suck, though, to have all that power taken away from you with just a little cut to the back of the neck. I bet you're not used to feeling this helpless.
Derek: Still got some teeth. Why don't you get down here a little closer, huh? We'll see how helpless I am.
Stiles: Yeah, bitch.
Matt: Is that her? Do what I tell you to and I won't hurt her. I won't even let Jackson near her.
Stiles: Scott, don't trust him!
Matt: This work better for ya?
Scott: Okay, just stop! Stop!
Matt: Then do what I tell you to.
Scott: Okay. All right. Stop!
Matt: You, take 'em in there. You - with me.
Scott: Mom?
Melissa: You scared me, where is every -
Scott: Mom, just do what he says. He promised he wouldn't hurt you.
Matt: He's right.
Sheriff: Scott! Stiles! What happened?
Matt: But I didn't say I wouldn't hurt you.
Melissa: Wait, baby -
Matt: Back, back!
Scott: Mom, mom, stop, mom!
Matt: I said get back!
Melissa: Scott.
Scott: Mom, do it. Please, mom.
Matt: Get up, McCall.
Sheriff: Matt? Matt, listen to me -
Matt: Shut - shut - shut up! Everybody shut the hell up! Now, get up, or I shoot her next!
Melissa: Please, he needs to see a doctor.
Matt: You think so?
Sheriff: Hey, hey, you listen to me!
Scott: It's all right. I'm okay.
Melissa: No, honey, you're not okay.
Scott: It doesn't hurt, mom.
Melissa: 'Cause that's the adrenaline, okay? Please, let me - let me just take a look at him, okay? I mean, I can help stop the bleeding.
Matt: They have no idea, do they?
Melissa: Please. Let me just take a quick look. I -
Matt: Shut - shut - shut - shut up! Lady, if you keep talking, I'm gonna put the next bullet through his head.
Melissa: Okay. Okay.
Matt: Back to the front, McCall.
Scott: After you.
Scott: The evidence is gone. Why don't you just go?
Matt: You - you think the evidence mattered that much, huh? No, no, I - I want the book.
Scott: What - what book?
Matt: The bestiary. Not just a few pages, I want the entire thing.
Scott: I don't have it. It's Gerard's. What do you want it for, anyway?
Matt: I need answers.
Scott: Answers to what?
Matt: To this.
Chris: He wants the bestiary.
Allison: That's not from Scott. He wouldn't have texted me. And he definitely wouldn't have mentioned Derek.
Gerard: The sheriff's station?
Chris: If Derek's really there, I doubt it's willingly.
Allison: You think Jackson's there, too?
Chris: Maybe. Maybe him and the one controlling him.
Gerard: How many do they keep on in a night shift?
Chris: Since budget cuts, maybe four at the most. My guess would be they're either dead or paralyzed by now.
Gerard: This might just be the confluence of events we've been hoping for.
Chris: Confluence or conflagration?
Gerard: I'm open to both.
Allison: What do we do now?
Gerard: Maybe you should tell us. That authority falls to you now.
Chris: Not at her age.
Gerard: She's almost 18. She knows there's a difference between revenge and retribution. Don't you, Allison? Make the decision from a vantage point of strategy over emotion, and we'll follow your lead.
Allison: I want Derek dead.
Chris: What about Scott?
Allison: Scott's not the one who forced my mother to kill herself.
Chris: He's not exactly an innocent bystander either. You can't pick and choose -
Allison: But I can prioritize. And the priority right now is Derek.
Chris: What about the others? Derek's pack?
Allison: If they try and protect him, then we kill them. All of them.
Stiles: Hey. You know what's happening to Matt?
Derek: I know, the book's not gonna help him. You can't just break the rules, not like this.
Stiles: What do you mean?
Derek: Universe balances things out. Always does.
Stiles: Is it because he's using Jackson to kill people who don't deserve it?
Derek: And killing people himself.
Stiles: So if Matt breaks the rules of the kanima, he becomes the kanima?
Derek: Balance.
Stiles: Will he believe us if we tell him that?
Derek: Not likely.
Stiles: Okay, he's gonna kill all of us when he gets that book, isn't he?
Derek: Yep.
Stiles: All right, so what do we do? Do we just - do we just sit here and wait to die?
Derek: Unless I can figure out a way to push the toxin out of my body faster. Like triggering the healing process.
Stiles: Wha - oh, what are you doing? Aw, gross.
Matt: There. You know, I - I feel sorry for you, McCall, 'cause right now, you're thinkin', "how am I gonna explain this when it heals?" And the sad part is, you don't even realize how incredible it is that you actually are healing. 'Cause you know what happens to everyone else when they get shot? They die.
Scott: Is that what happened to you? You drowned, didn't you?
Matt: He shouldn't have let them drink.
Scott: What - who - Matt, what do you mean?
Matt: Lahey! He shouldn't have let them drink.
Scott: What, who was drinking?
Matt: The swim team, you idiot! I didn't know what was happening. I didn't know they had just won state, and Lahey, he's letting his favorites come over to have a couple drinks to celebrate. Who cares if they're 17, right?
Scott: Were you at Isaac's?
Matt: He had this first edition Spider - man, or was it Batman? And we were gonna make a trade. But then I'm over there and I hear music. And everyone's having a good time, and I see Sean. He throws Jessica in the pool. And then - and then Bennett goes in and -
Scott: Bennett? What - the hunter?
Matt: And then Camden. Isaac's jarhead brother, he grabs me. He thinks it's funny.
Scott: They threw you in.
Matt: I - I yelled that I can't swim, but nobody listens. I go under and I swallow water, and no one cares. And I see these bodies underwater. I - I see Jessica's got her hands down Sean's board shorts. Tucker's grabbing Kara. And I'm drowning. I'm dying, and they're laughing. All of a sudden, I was just - I'm lying by the pool. And Lahey is right there, right above me, and he says -
Mr. Lahey: You tell no one!
Matt: He says, "you tell no one!"
Mr. Lahey: This, this is your fault!
Matt: "This, this is your fault!"
Mr. Lahey: You don't know how to swim?
Matt: "What little b*st*rd doesn't know how to swim?"
Mr. Lahey: You say nothing! You tell no one! No one!
Matt: And I didn't. I didn't tell anyone. And I would see them at school, and they wouldn't even look at me. I'd wake up in the middle of the night. I'd gasp for breath. And my parents, they thought I was an asthmatic. They - they - they - they even gave me an inhaler. They didn't know that every time I closed my eyes, I - I was drowning. You know about that little white light that they talk about, you see when you die? Well, I didn't see anything. Just darkness. Everything was dark. But then - then came the Argent's funeral, and everything changed.
Matt: I was taking some photos, and then, purely by accident, Lahey gets in one of the photos. I look down at the screen on my camera, and I just had this unbelievable rage that fills up inside of me, and I just - I look at him, and I - I wanna see him dead. And the next day, he actually was. You know, Einstein was right. Imagination is more important than knowledge. It was like something out of Greek mythology. Like - like the furies coming down to punish Orestes. You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Scott: Was - was he the guy who stabbed out his eyes?
Matt: God, that's Oedipus, you dumbass! The furies are deities of vengeance. Their tears ran of blood, and they had snakes for hair. If there was a crime that had gone unpunished, the furies would do the punishing. Jackson is my fury. You know, when I saw him the next night, it was like this bond had been cemented between the two of us. I knew he had killed Lahey for me, and I knew he would do it again. So I went to Tucker's garage. I even paid for an oil change. And guess what. He didn't even recognize me. So when he wasn't looking, I took a shot of him from my camera. And in a few hours, he was dead.
Mechanic: Help, I'm -
Matt: So I took more pictures. All I had to do was take their picture - And Jackson would take their life.
Stiles: So is that hypothetical situation we talked about getting any less hypothetical?
Derek: I think so. I can move my toes.
Stiles: Dude, I can move my toes.
Matt: What is this? What is this? What's happening? What's going on?
Scott: I don't know.
Gerard: Shakespeare wrote that love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. Let's give them some love.
Derek: Take him! Go!
Scott: Don't move. You know what I mean.
Scott: Oh, sh - Allison.
Allison: Where's Derek?
Scott: What are you doing?
Allison: If you're not going to tell me, then get out of my way.
Scott: Allison.
Allison: Where is he?
Scott: What happened?
Allison: Scott - Scott, you need to stay away from me right now. I need to go. Just stay out of my way.
Matt: You should've given me a chance. 'Cause remember how I said I'm not the kind of guy who would say something like, "well, if I can't have her, no one can." It's not totally true because, Allison, if I can't have you, no one can!
Sheriff: Ah, God -
Melissa: Come on, come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on!
Melissa: Matt? Matt, please, listen to me. My son has been shot, and I've heard other gunfire, and I don't know what's happening, but can you please just let me see my son?
Matt: How totally clueless are you people?
Melissa: Oh, God, Scott? Scott, you okay? Scott? No!
Scott: What are you doing here? It wasn't supposed to happen like this.
Gerard: Trust me, I'm aware of that.
Scott: I've done everything that you've asked of me. I'm part of Derek's pack, I've given you all the information that you wanted, I told you Matt was controlling Jackson -
Gerard: Then leave him to us. Help your friends. Leave Matt and Jackson to me. Deal with your mother. Go!
Scott: You dropped this.
Gerard: Go!
Gerard: No longer afraid of the water? Well, you don't have to be afraid of anything, my friend. Especially me. | Plan: A: Matt; Q: Who takes Scott, Stiles, Melissa and Sheriff Stilinski hostage? A: Melissa; Q: Who finally sees Scott as a werewolf? A: revenge; Q: What does Allison want to exact on Derek? A: her mother; Q: Who did Allison blame Derek for bringing to suicide? A: the murders; Q: What does Matt reveal to Scott as his reason for what? A: 2006; Q: In what year did Matt meet Isaac? A: all the victims; Q: Who was at Isaac's house in 2006? A: Isaac's house; Q: Where was the party that Matt and the other victims were at? A: the pool; Q: Where was Matt thrown in 2006? A: the lake; Q: Where does Gerard drown Matt? A: the Kanima's new master; Q: What does Gerard become after Matt drowns? Summary: Matt takes Scott, Stiles, Melissa and Sheriff Stilinski hostage. Gerard persuades Allison to exact revenge on Derek for bringing her mother to suicide. Matt reveals to Scott his reason for the murders: in 2006, all the victims were at a party at Isaac's house, where Matt had come to meet Isaac. They had thrown Matt in the pool and left him to drown despite him yelling that he can't swim. Melissa finally sees Scott as a werewolf. Gerard drowns Matt in the lake and becomes the Kanima's new master. |
TIMELASH
PART TWO
Run time: 44:36
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: Where's Peri? You promised her safe return.
Tekker: Ah, yes. Well, you shouldn't believe everything that people tell you, Doctor.
The Doctor: You gave me your word, you microcephalic apostate. I demand to see the Borad immediately.
Tekker: Admit defeat, Doctor.
The Doctor: Never!
Tekker: The stories I've heard about you. The great Doctor, all knowing and all powerful. You're about as powerful as a burnt out android. Our ruler has finished with you once and for all.
Kendron: We can't do this, Tekker.
Tekker: Shut up, or you'll be joining him.
The Doctor: You're as warped as your dictator friend.
Tekker: Save your breath for the Timelash, Doctor. Most people depart with a scream.
Brunner: The vortex is ready, Maylin.
Tekker: Despatch the Doctor first.
Tekker: Goodbye, Doctor. Unpleasant journey. Bwahahahahahaha!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Vena: Seal the doors!
The Doctor: Thank you, Mykros.
Mykros: Doctor.
The Doctor: Right, get those guards next door and tie them up.
Sezon: We're safe. Just let them try breaking in.
The Doctor: They will, but we must be ready for them.
Katz: But how?
The Doctor: We're safe for now, but we must turn this pause to our advantage.
Herbert: What is this Timelash, Doctor?
The Doctor: Not now, Herbert. Mykros, can you hand me some strong rope or wire?
Mykros: Yes, right.
Vena: Doctor, what are you going to do?
The Doctor: Enter the Timelash.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tunnels
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: Ow! You're hurting me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Citadel
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: Where are you taking me?
Guard: You'll see.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad's vault
[SCENE_BREAK]
Android: Borad, what are your instructions?
Borad: The Guardoliers must apprehend the Doctor and the rebels.
Android: But the Sanctum has been sealed.
Borad: My time web has the power to disintegrate the doors. Use that.
Android: At once.
Borad: But the Earth woman must be kept alive.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: Not as long as I'd have liked, but it will have to do.
Vena: Is it safe to enter the Timelash?
The Doctor: It's our only hope. Without the Kontron crystals, we've got no chance of getting out of here alive.
Herbert: Let me go, Doctor. You're needed here.
The Doctor: Thank you, Herbert, but no. Those crystals require skilful manipulation. Rough handling could be dangerous. Right, here we go.
Katz: Good luck, Doctor.
Sezon: He's stopped.
Vena: Doctor! What's the matter?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Timelash
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: The vortex attraction forces are taking effect. Could be tougher than I thought.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Herbert: Can I come down and help, Doctor?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Timelash
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: No, stay where you are! I've almost got this one.
The Doctor: Mykros, lower me a little. Enough.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mykros: Do you want to come out now, Doctor?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Timelash
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: Not yet. Almost got this one. Gotcha!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Vena: Pull him back!
Mykros: I can't! The force is too great.
Vena: He's dangling on the edge of oblivion.
Herbert: Hang on.
Sezon: Katz, come here, quickly!
Mykros: Take the strain!
Sezon: Come on, pull!
Vena: Careful, Herbert.
Katz: Careful!
Sezon: Careful, Herbert!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Timelash
[SCENE_BREAK]
Herbert: Doctor!
The Doctor: Get back!
Mykros: I've got you!
Herbert: Just a bit further, Doctor. Got him!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Citadel
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kendron: The Borad will not be pleased with us.
Tekker: Stop whining.
Kendron: I have noticed it is better to die than to fail the Borad.
Tekker: If you were to die, I don't think anybody would notice the difference.
Kendron: I say, Tekker!
Tekker: Maylin Tekker.
Tekker: Ah, Borad.
Borad (on screen): You do not serve me by arguing.
Tekker: A frivolous debate concerning protocol.
Borad (on screen): You have time for such things when my Timelash is in the hands of the Doctor and his friends?
Tekker: We serve as best we can, Borad. As you know, I am not a man of action. The recapture of the Timelash is best left to those trained for such things.
Borad (on screen): You disappoint me. I expected more from you than this.
Tekker: Your trust is not misplaced. Kendron and I are on our way to see you.
Borad (on screen): For what purpose?
Tekker: With respect, Borad, a matter best not discussed over an open channel.
Borad (on screen): Very well. Disappoint me and you die.
Tekker: Of course.
Kendron: Now what have you said? The Borad will kill both of us.
Tekker: Oh, I think not. After what I have to tell him, I think he'll be delighted. And while he's smiling, I shall recommend that he appoints you my deputy.
Kendron: Me?
Tekker: Yes, Kendron, you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Vena: Are you all right? Where are the crystals?
Vena: Doctor, did you get the crystals?
The Doctor: Yes.
Vena: Oh, well done.
Katz: Well done.
Vena: Yes, indeed. Well done! And you too, Herbert.
Herbert: Well, it was nothing.
The Doctor: When we've stopped congratulating each other, perhaps we can get on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cell
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: At last. Why am I being kept here? And why have I had this contraption fitted to me? Well, can't you speak, dumbo?
Peri: Ow! All right, I'm coming, I'm coming.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Outside the Borad's vault
[SCENE_BREAK]
Tekker: What's the matter with you? Don't you want to be recommended as Deputy Maylin?
Kendron: It all seems a bit sudden.
Tekker: But you're the perfect choice. You have the right attitude.
Kendron: What about Brunner?
Tekker: What about him?
Kendron: I thought...
Tekker: What?
Kendron: Nothing.
Tekker: There you are, you see? I'm right. You have the perfect attitude.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad's vault
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad (on screen): What happened, Tekker? Have you failed me as well?
Tekker: Ah, we were betrayed, Borad.
Borad (on screen): Indeed? By whom?
Tekker: Kendron. He betrayed us.
Kendron: No! You're lying. You said I was to be made Deputy Maylin.
Tekker: Ah, yes. A small ruse, Borad, to put the traitor off his guard.
Borad (on screen): He must be dealt with.
Kendron: No! No! I have been faithful to you.
Kendron: What's going on?
Borad (on screen): I will not tolerate infidelity.
Kendron: Oh, oh please, Borad, believe me. I am not a spy.
Borad: It would seem I made the right choice for Maylin.
Tekker: Thank you, Borad.
Borad: See that you continue to serve me with the same degree of fidelity.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Citadel
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: You're still hurting me. Now where are you taking me?
Guard: You'll see.
Peri: No, not that creature again! No, please!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mykros: Do you want the whole of this panel out, Doctor?
The Doctor: Every last nut and bolt, if you please.
Vena: What are you making?
The Doctor: Just a mess at the moment.
Herbert: Shouldn't we prepare for the attack on this place, Doctor?
The Doctor: I am.
Herbert: Well, how are these baubles and crystal balls going to help us?
The Doctor: You'll see.
Herbert: But will it work?
The Doctor: Of course it'll work. I hope.
Herbert: A small barricade in front of the door wouldn't help?
The Doctor: Whatever they use to break through that door won't be impeded by a small barricade. Hurry up with that unit, Mykros.
Mykros: Yes, nearly there.
Katz: It signalled back to you.
The Doctor: No, it was the same beam of light.
Katz: But how could it be? It took all of ten seconds to return.
The Doctor: Precisely what it's supposed to do.
The Doctor: Well done.
Vena: I think we could be running out of time.
Mykros: You may well be right. Doctor?
The Doctor: Nearly ready. Ah, there we are.
Herbert: Where?
The Doctor: Quiet. Pass me that chain.
Katz: Where's he gone?
Herbert: Good gracious.
Katz: Doctor, where are you?
Katz: What's happening?
Vena: Dematerialisation?
The Doctor: Not exactly. Kontron crystals have a wide application of uses. I have turned this one into a ten second time break.
Sezon: So, you were travelling in time?
The Doctor: Not exactly. Do you know, I haven't built one of these in ages.
Sezon: How does it work?
The Doctor: Well, I time-slipped ten seconds into the future. As I did so, I projected an image of myself.
Herbert: So we didn't see you, we saw an image of you.
The Doctor: That's right. If you'd been able to look through this, you would, so to speak, have been able to see both of me at the same time.
Herbert: But I can't see anything.
The Doctor: Of course you can't. It only works when this is switched on. Now, when I time slip, you'll be able to see the image I project and the real me ten seconds in the future.
Herbert: It's science fiction.
The Doctor: Not quite.
Sezon: Look, this might be a lot of fun for you, Doctor, but how's it going to help us get out of here?
The Doctor: Ah, that's work for the second crystal. When properly set up, it'll absorb the energy used to break down that door, pass it through a ten second time loop, and feed it back again as a beam of pure energy. Now, that is something we can use against an attacker.
Herbert: Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!
Sezon: Yes, but will it work?
The Doctor: I think we're about to find out.
Vena: Doctor, look.
Mykros: It's an invasion force.
Sezon: The Bandrils.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad's vault
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad: Excellent. Soon the only living creatures on this planet will be the Morloxes and myself.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: Argh!
Mykros: What's wrong?
The Doctor: I can't set this time loop accurately enough. I was hoping to use the energy absorbed by the machine to project our attackers into the past. As yes, I can't guarantee a change of location as well.
Katz: How far back into the past, Doctor?
The Doctor: An hour or so.
Katz: I wonder.
Sezon: What?
Katz: Think back to the tunnel when we rescued Peri from the Morlox.
Sezon: You're right. We saw a burning android.
Katz: Will that be your handiwork, Doctor?
The Doctor: What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cavern
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: Don't leave me here. Please, don't leave me here.
Peri: Help me! Help!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Outside the Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Android: Fire.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Vena: Doctor!
Katz: Oh, Sezon!
Herbert: Use the machine!
The Doctor: We have to wait the full ten seconds.
Herbert: Holy mackerel, it actually works!
The Doctor: Of course it did. Get down!
Mykros: It's incredible. I've never seen that before.
The Doctor: That's me.
Herbert: You've changed a bit.
The Doctor: Mmm. Immeasurably for the better, it seems. Strange how you forget what you used to look like.
Herbert: What does he mean?
Vena: It's a long story, Herbert. No time to tell it now.
The Doctor: Right, you must all get out of here.
Katz: Madric's dead and Sezon's wounded.
The Doctor: There's not much you can do for him here.
Katz: We can go to the tunnel.
Mykros: No, the guards could be waiting for us.
The Doctor: That's a chance you've got to take. When the Borad finds out what's happened here, he'll flood the place with troops.
Vena: Where are you going?
The Doctor: To find the Borad.
Herbert: I'll help you.
The Doctor: No, Herbert. You stay here. Good luck.
Mykros: Vena, come quickly.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cavern
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: Doctor, where are you? Help me! Not you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Katz: Look at the screen. The Bandrils are coming even nearer!
Vena: There's no point in going to the tunnels now, Mykros. We might as well die with honour here.
Mykros: Vena. Vena, try not to be so pessimistic. We may still have a chance, if I can just contact them.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Citadel
[SCENE_BREAK]
Herbert: Sorry about this, but I was only getting in the way with the others.
The Doctor: And what makes you think you won't do the same for me?
Herbert: Look, you won't even notice I'm here, I promise.
The Doctor: All right. If anything happens to me, you're to find Peri.
Herbert: Right.
The Doctor: If she's still alive, she may find a way of getting you home.
Herbert: Oh no, don't worry about me, Doctor.
The Doctor: I'm not.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad's vault
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad: So, the Doctor has decided finally to come and see me.
Tekker: Shall I dispose of him?
Borad: No. He's an old friend.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Outside the Borad's vault
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: This looks like it.
Herbert: Grim sort of place.
The Doctor: Indeed. And this is as far as you go.
Herbert: Oh, surely you're not going to deny me the highlight of my visit.
The Doctor: Come any further and your highlight could be a burial in space, with you playing the central part.
Herbert: Are you sure I can't be of any help?
The Doctor: If I'm not out in ten minutes, find Peri.
Herbert: Right.
The Doctor: Now, find yourself somewhere to hide. Don't want you picked up by the Guardoliers.
Herbert: Doctor!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad's vault
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor: My dear Tekker. Still lurking in other people's shadows. How very typical.
Tekker: Welcome, Doctor.
The Doctor: That smell. That bittersweet sickly aroma.
Tekker: Of Morlox.
The Doctor: Yes, of course. The creatures of the tunnels. I remember now from my last visit. So, your leader is now a Morlox?
Tekker: No.
The Doctor: Glad to hear it. From what I remember, the Morlox are not over-endowed with intelligence.
Tekker: Ah, well, that can hardly be said of our beloved leader, the Borad of Karfel. The most luminous force in this part of the galaxy.
The Doctor: Really. Not been very bright so far.
Borad: Neither have you, Doctor.
The Doctor: I'm afraid you could be right.
The Doctor: And you said your leader wasn't a Morlox?
Borad: I would guard your tongue, Time Lord.
The Doctor: What I don't understand is how the people of Karfel have accepted you.
Borad: My other self.
The Doctor: How'd you do?
Borad (on screen): How do you do?
The Doctor: What happened? I don't believe anyone looks like you by design.
Borad (on screen): An agreeable mistake.
The Doctor: Don't tell me, with Mustakozene Eighty. I noticed the canister hanging on the wall.
Borad: Precisely. I was once like you, weak of limb and small of mind.
Borad (on screen): Now I have the strength and intelligence of many.
The Doctor: But hardly the looks to match.
Borad: Come closer. Now look at me carefully, Doctor. We have met before. Think back of a scientist you once befriended. Later, you reported that scientist to the Inner Sanctum for unethical experimentation on the Morlox creatures.
The Doctor: Megelen?
Borad: The very same.
The Doctor: Your experiments obviously succeeded. Was it worth it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mykros: This is Karfel to Bandril Ambassador. Karfel to Bandril Ambassador. Please respond. It's no good, they're not answering. This is Karfel to Bandril Ambassador. Please respond.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad's vault
[SCENE_BREAK]
Borad: Do not make me laugh, Doctor.
The Doctor: I wouldn't dare. Not when you've got such big teeth. What exactly did happen?
Borad: During an experiment on a Morlox creature, I was inadvertently sprayed by a canister of Mustakozene Eighty. The smell of the chemical excited the creature I was experimenting upon, and it broke away from its tether.
The Doctor: It must have made a terrible mess of you.
Borad: It would appear so.
The Doctor: And then the M80 caused a spontaneous tissue amalgamation resulting in a combined mutant.
Borad (on screen): Half Karfelon, half Morlox, but with increased longevity and massive intellectual growth.
Borad: A glorious transformation.
The Doctor: So you keep saying. I don't agree with you.
Tekker: Show respect for the Borad.
The Doctor: Do shut up and go away. There was no glorious transformation. You may have power, but you daren't even show your real face.
Borad: Not for much longer. Soon the Bandrils will have destroyed all mammalian life on this planet, and then I shall destroy the Bandril ship.
The Doctor: To become ruler of a barren planet?
Borad: No, Doctor. To populate the planet with others such as myself.
Tekker: No.
The Doctor: It appears you have a lackey with a conscience.
Tekker: You will not destroy my people. I am the Maylin now. I will not let you.
Borad: Idiot.
The Doctor: Time acceleration beam. I don't know whether to be impressed or disgusted.
Borad (on screen): Time Lords to not have a monopoly over the fourth dimension, Doctor.
The Doctor: Perhaps not. What I don't understand is how you intend to populate this planet with little Borads when you don't even have a mate.
Borad: That is under control.
The Doctor: Oh, don't tell me you've got a fat female Morlox with a slinky walk.
Borad: Not yet. But when I do, her name will be Peri.
The Doctor: Explain.
Borad: The creature will attempt to kill her. When it tries to do so, the canister of Mustakozene will burst apart and then she will become as I am.
The Doctor: Oh, very scientific. I mean, you have a really controlled experiment there. What happens if the Morlox kills Peri before amalgamation takes place?
Borad: Peri will not die. The Mustakozene not only excites the creature, but will in turn destroy it.
The Doctor: This is lunacy. What do you hope to gain by creating another miserable mutation like your pathetic self?
Borad: Choose your next words carefully, Doctor. They could be your last.
The Doctor: Really. We shall see.
The Doctor: I think it's time to find your Achilles heel, or should I say flipper?
Borad: No, Doctor. It's time you grew old, and your ability to regenerate will be of no assistance to you.
Borad: So, the Time Lord wishes to play games.
Herbert: Careful, Doctor.
The Doctor (O.C.): Where's the control to free Peri?
Borad: See if you can find it before you die.
Borad: Goodbye, Doctor.
The Doctor: Hello, Borad. I wouldn't fire if I were you. If you do, it will be a grave mistake.
Borad: Your attempted witticisms are beginning to become tedious, Doctor.
The Doctor: I really wouldn't fire. If you do, this crystal will absorb the energy and beam it straight back at you.
Borad: You're lying.
The Doctor: I did warn you.
Borad: Another expedition into the realms of duplicity?
The Doctor: Six, five, four, three, two, one.
Borad: No! You've tricked me!
The Doctor: You tricked yourself.
The Doctor: Herbert?
Herbert: Who is it?
The Doctor: It's me, the Doctor.
Herbert: Doctor, up here.
The Doctor: Herbert, you must go to Peri.
Herbert: Where is she?
The Doctor: In the tunnels. The passage you're in should lead straight there.
Herbert: Right.
The Doctor: Hurry! I'll try and find the release mechanism.
Herbert: As you say, Doctor.
The Doctor: Must be here somewhere.
The Doctor: Oh, no.
The Doctor: Pelion on Ossa.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cavern
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: Help!
Herbert: Quickly!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Citadel
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: Oh, Doctor, am I pleased to see you.
The Doctor: The feeling is entirely mutual. Now, come on. We've got to get back to the Inner Sanctum quickly.
Peri: But can't we get out of here?
The Doctor: We've got a war to stop first.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Vena: Why didn't they listen?
Mykros: It's no good. We've done everything we can. We must take cover in the tunnels.
The Doctor: What's happening?
Vena: Too late. The Bandrils have fired their missile.
The Doctor: This is the Doctor. I say again, this is the Doctor. Please connect me with the Ambassador.
Vena: They don't reply.
The Doctor: You must respond. I am a Time Lord. I am, in fact, President of the High Council of Gallifrey. Destroy me, you'll have more than a petty war on your hands. Ah, there you are.
Bandril (on screen): Can you prove that you are a Time Lord?
The Doctor: There's no time for that now. You must call off your attack. Karfel has been in the hands of a dictator. That dictator has now been overthrown. You must destroy your missile.
Peri: How close is the missile?
The Doctor: Too close.
Bandril (on screen): We accept what you say, and require only sight of the Borad as proof of your goodwill.
The Doctor: Well, that might prove a trifle difficult.
Bandril (on screen): Then there is little we can do.
The Doctor: Ambassador!
Peri: Oh, terrific.
The Doctor: Wait here.
Peri: Where are you going?
[SCENE_BREAK]
TARDIS
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: Doctor!
The Doctor: I told you to wait with the others.
Peri: Well, I'd rather stay with you.
The Doctor: It isn't practical.
Peri: What does that mean?
The Doctor: Practical? Advantageous, useful, productive, efficacious, effective.
Peri: Sure, desirable. What are you going to do?
The Doctor: Try and stop that missile.
Peri: Sounds dangerous.
The Doctor: The only dangerous thing about it is having you on board to distract me. Oh!
The Doctor: Are you still here?
Peri: Yes! Look, I'll keep out of your way.
The Doctor: You don't know how.
Peri: I'm coming with you.
The Doctor: Peri, every second we waste now brings Karfel into even greater danger.
Peri: Well then, let's go!
The Doctor:: That's what I want to do, but alone. Now go back to Vena and the others, Peri. Please?
Peri: I can't. I don't trust you. You're being too reasonable.
The Doctor: Then I shall be unreasonable. Get out! Why will you never cooperate?
Peri: Because I worry. It's my caring nature.
The Doctor: Peri, I shall be gone for but a minute. Now, if you want to fuss over someone, may I suggest that Herbert would make a much more eager recipient.
Peri: What if something happens to you? We'd be stuck here.
The Doctor: If I don't go now, there won't be anywhere for you to be stuck to. The planet will be destroyed. Now, will you go, please?
Peri: Well, take care of yourself.
The Doctor: At last.
Herbert: Hello.
The Doctor: Hello. What are you doing here?
Herbert: I've come to help. At least I can experience the adventure.
The Doctor: I presume you heard what I said to Peri.
Herbert: Oh, but she's a girl. This is work for men.
The Doctor: Men? Men!
Herbert: Men.
The Doctor: Look, what I'm about to do is very dangerous. There's nothing particularly masculine about throwing your life away.
Herbert: That's not what you said to Peri.
The Doctor: I lied. And as I did it so badly, I'd have assumed even you would have realised.
Herbert: I'm sorry. I simply didn't realise. I thought that...
The Doctor: You didn't think at all. That's half your problem. A characteristic you share with most of the people on your irritating planet.
Herbert: Well, you could always take me back to Karfel if you really think it's going to be dangerous.
The Doctor: There isn't time.
Herbert: May I dispute that? Well, after all, what is time to a time machine?
The Doctor: A very great deal. Should there be another day, I will explain to you in great detail which of the many time laws I am not allowed to transgress.
Herbert: But who would know?
The Doctor: I would. So would every other Time Lord from here to Gallifrey, and I can assure you, they're not all as pleasant and agreeable as I am.
Herbert: Sorry. I'd hate to think of you having my demise on your conscience.
The Doctor: To be perfectly frank, Herbert, when I go, thoughts of you will be very low on my list of regrets.
Herbert: That's good. It means we can stand together, shoulder to shoulder, in the face of the enemy. I've always wanted to die a hero's death. You know, it's funny. When I was at school, everyone used to think I was a coward because I didn't like cricket. If only they could see me now.
The Doctor: Shut up!
Herbert: Sorry? Oh yes, of course, you want to concentrate. Sorry.
The Doctor: Listen, Herbert, if you want to do something useful while waiting to enter Valhalla, could you read off the numbers on that screen you see immediately in front of you?
Herbert: Of course. This one?
The Doctor: How many screens do you see immediately in front of you?
Herbert: Just the one.
The Doctor: That's the one.
Herbert: Two, nine, seven, three.
The Doctor: Good.
Herbert: Six, seven, seven.
The Doctor: Better.
Herbert: Eight, nine.
The Doctor: Best!
Herbert: Well, how will you stop the missile?
The Doctor: I have set up the TARDIS to act as a deflector shield.
Herbert: Oh, I see. You intend us to collide with the missile before it impacts with the planet.
The Doctor: That's right. Should make quite a big bang.
Herbert: Oh, I see.
The Doctor: I do wish you'd stop saying, oh, I see.
Herbert: Sorry. I just feel a wee bit nervous. I didn't realise dying heroically was such a strain on the nerves.
The Doctor: Oh well, shouldn't be for too long.
Herbert: Oh, I see. Sorry. Well, I suppose if it saves millions of lives, it's worth sacrificing two. Isn't it, Doctor?
The Doctor: Thirty seconds to impact.
Herbert: I assume this is the only way.
The Doctor: Well, if you have any other suggestions, I'd be very interested to hear them.
Herbert: Well, couldn't we abandon ship before impact?
The Doctor: No lifeboats.
Herbert: That's a bit remiss. I'd have a word with the manufacturers, if. Sorry.
The Doctor: Impact fifteen seconds.
Herbert: Well, goodbye, Doctor. No hard feelings, I hope.
The Doctor: No.
Herbert: I feel a bit frightened now. Couldn't we postpone impact just for a minute?
The Doctor: Impact five seconds.
Herbert: No, I suppose not.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Inner Sanctum
[SCENE_BREAK]
Peri: The missile's exploded in the stratosphere!
Vena: So it has.
Mykros: It's unbelievable. They must have had a change of heart.
Mykros: We're going to be all right.
Katz: We've won!
Bandril (on screen): Let me speak with the Maylin.
Mykros: You are speaking to the new Maylin, Ambassador. Please go ahead.
Bandril (on screen): The Doctor has done a brave but foolish thing. The missile has been destroyed, but so has his TARDIS.
Peri: Doctor.
Bandril (on screen): We shall make our apologies to the High Council on Gallifrey. Furthermore, in honour of the Doctor's unselfish act, and as a token of our goodwill, may I suggest we send down a diplomatic party?
Mykros: Yes, of course, Ambassador. I look forward to receiving you.
Peri: Oh, Doctor.
Mykros: I'm very sorry, Peri.
Peri: Yes, I, I just want to be alone for a little while.
Vena: Of course you do.
Katz: Are you all right?
Vena: I don't know. I don't know whether any of us will ever be the same again. It's been a terrible day.
Katz: It's a new beginning.
Vena: Not for the Doctor or Herbert. How's Sezon?
Katz: Feeling very sorry for himself.
Vena: Oh, Mykros! What is it?
Mykros: Give me your weapon. Give me your weapon!
Borad: That will be of little use, Mykros.
Mykros: Who are you? What are you?
Borad: I am the Borad.
Mykros: Never!
Borad: I am the Borad, and you will do as I command if you value your friend's life.
Mykros: What do you want?
Borad: Capture the Bandril ship.
Peri: Don't listen to him.
Borad: If you refuse, she dies.
Mykros: One life cannot be bought at the cost of a whole planet.
Borad: Then I shall kill her.
The Doctor: That's not a very good idea.
Mykros: Doctor!
The Doctor: Besides, it's not a very nice way to treat a lady.
Vena: Doctor, we all thought you were dead.
The Doctor: As I thought the Borad was. So why aren't you?
Borad: I must have forgotten to mention the other experiment I have been engaged in.
The Doctor: Ah? Not like you to pass up the opportunity to boast. What is it?
Borad: The reproduction of living matter, cell by cell.
The Doctor: Oh, cloning. Oh, you are a clever clogs. And how very astute of you not to risk your own rotten neck. Speaking of which, shouldn't you release your grip on Peri's? By the way, Peri, did you know he wants you for his bride?
Peri: He certainly has an original way of proposing.
The Doctor: I'll make a deal with you, Borad. Show yourself to Peri. If she doesn't scream, the wedding can take place.
Mykros: Doctor.
Borad: What is this foolishness?
The Doctor: I don't think you've got the nerve.
Peri: That's right.
Borad: The woman will accept me once she is as I am.
The Doctor: Make up your mind. Do you want her dead or as your bride? If the latter, then show yourself to her.
Borad: No.
Peri: Don't I have a say in all this?
The Doctor: Of course not. Be quiet. Why won't you?
Borad: I shall when I am ready.
The Doctor: As I thought. You're afraid.
Borad: Of what?
The Doctor: Rejection. You can alter Peri's outward appearance, but you can't change the brain in her head. Whatever you do, she will always find you repulsive.
Borad: Then I shall put out both her eyes.
Peri: Come on, you guys.
The Doctor: That's hardly an elegant solution, and the way you've been carrying on, you're not going to win her over with your charm.
Borad: Stay back.
The Doctor: You really are afraid.
Borad: My last warning, Doctor.
The Doctor: The possibility of perfect companionship shattered because of your grotesque, ugly, excuse for a body.
Borad: Yet I have the power to kill you both.
The Doctor: I don't think so.
The Doctor: You obviously haven't read the writing on the wall. Now, this'll be an improvement.
The Doctor: I told you she'd scream.
Borad: Destroy it! Smash the mirror!
The Doctor: What, no power to do it yourself?
The Doctor: You're nothing, Borad. Just a self-degenerating mutation. You're finished, Borad. Your reign of terror's over. Nobody wants you. Nobody needs you. Nobody cares!
Peri: But haven't you sent him back to Earth?
The Doctor: Yes, to the twelfth century. Where exactly did we pick you up?
Herbert: The Highlands of Scotland. Not far from Inverness.
The Doctor: Ah. Thought I recognised the landscape. He'll be harmless enough there. At least he'll have somewhere to swim for the next thousand years.
Peri: But won't he be seen?
The Doctor: From time to time. Right, take cover, everyone.
Peri: Okay, Doctor. Fill us in.
The Doctor: Fill you in?
Peri: Why weren't you blown up?
The Doctor: Ah, I'll explain one day. It's a neat trick.
Peri: Oh, Doctor.
The Doctor: Come on, Herbert. Say your goodbyes. Time we got you home.
Herbert: Well, if Vena and Mykros don't mind, I would like to stay.
Vena: He would be most welcome.
Mykros: Indeed.
Herbert: I say, thank you.
Peri: Are you going to let him stay?
The Doctor: Oh, I don't think so. I rather think he'll take my advice and return to 1885. He'll tell the world, knowing Herbert.
Peri: But who'd believe him?
The Doctor: Not for me to say. The waves of time wash us all clean.
Peri: Doctor, you're talking in riddles again.
The Doctor: Herbert dropped this.
Peri: Never. Oh, I don't believe it!
The Doctor: I think he'll return to Earth, don't you? After all, he does have an interesting story to tell. Herbert. Herbert! | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who confronts the Borad? A: the Borad; Q: Who is Herbert? A: the world; Q: What does the Borad want to take over? A: human life; Q: What does the Borad want to eradicate? Summary: The Doctor confronts the Borad and try's to deal with his plot to take over the world and eradicate human life. Later, the Doctor and Mel find out who Herbert really is. |
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