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Opening shots and series recap
JACK : (VO) Torchwood. Outside the government, beyond the police. Tracking down alien life on earth and arming the human race against the future. The 21st century is when everything changes and you gotta be ready.
EXT. SKY - DAY
A small biplane flies across an overcast sky, banking to make its descent.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT - AIRPORT
Jack, Gwen and Owen stand beside the narrow runway awaiting the arrival of the plane, watching as it lands and taxis to a stop close to them. Jack leads the others towards the plane and the pilot leans through the small side window and waves smiling heartily. She is 40s-beautiful and wears a leather flying jacket. Confident and self possessed.
DIANE : Hello there ! Diane jumps out of the plane and walks towards Jack.
DIANE : Apologies for the unplanned touchdown, just hit some rotten turbulence.
JACK : Captain Jack Harkness. Jack holds out his hand and Diane shakes it confidently.
DIANE : Diane Holmes, pilot. Behind Diane a middle aged man lifts a young woman from the aircraft.
DIANE : This some sort of secret base ? You must show me around one day, Captain. John and Emma move to stand behind Diane.
JOHN : Everything alright ?
EMMA : How long before we head off again ? My uncle's expecting me.
JACK : When did you leave ?
DIANE : About half an hour ago.
JACK : Which date ? Diane appears a little amused by the question but answers regardless.
DIANE : Today, December the eighteenth.
JACK : Which year ? Diane looks round at John, wondering about Jack's sanity.
JACK : Which year ? Which year ? I need to know.
DIANE : 1953.
OPENING CREDITS
INT. THE HUB - COG DOOR - DAY
The cog door opens and Owen enters the hub followed quickly by Gwen. John walks slowly through the doorway, Emma and Diane behind him with Jack. They all carry small amounts of luggage. The hub is sparsely decorated for Christmas.
JACK : There's no need to be frightened.
JOHN : Who are you exactly ? John enters the hub, Emma, following him, looks around in wonder.
JACK : The least you know about us the better. Meet the team. Owen, Toshiko and Gwen stand a short distance away, Owen in the process of putting on his white lab coat. They look at the visitors who stand with Jack.
TOSHIKO : Toshiko.
GWEN : Gwen.
OWEN : Doctor Owen Harper.
JOHN : John Ellis.
EMMA : Emma Louise Cohen.
DIANE : Diane Holmes
OWEN : Please, follow me. Owen walks away expecting them to follow as ordered. Jack lets them pass.
GWEN : At least it wasn't a spaceship full of aliens.
JACK : That might've been easier. Jack walks past Gwen up the stairs, following the visitors.
INT. THE HUB - CONFERENCE ROOM - A SHORT TIME LATER
John, Emma and Diane stand in the conference room, their predicament having been explained to them. John is incredulous, Emma standing nearby is closed in, unsure, Diane leans on the glass wall behind them.
JOHN : How can you travel 50 years in half an hour ? Jack leans on the far end of the table, Toshiko standing nearby and Owen half sitting on a side table each look slightly bored. Gwen reads a newspaper.
JACK : Your aircraft slipped through a transcendental portal.
EMMA : A what ?
JACK : A door in time and space.
JOHN : It's some kind of trick. It has to be.
JACK : Tosh... Jack moves to the side and Toshiko takes his place at the end of the table next to the large screen which shows a multitude of photographs. Toshiko indicates papers lying on the table in front of the visitors.
TOSHIKO : Celebrations of the millennium from your respective home cities, photographs documenting the development of Cardiff bay from the 50s to the present day, blueprints of modern day airplanes. While Toshiko speaks the visitors look through the papers on the table. Astounded Emma sits down.
DIANE : But if all this is true, then how do we get back ?
JACK : You don't. According to history your plane never returned. I'm sorry.
DIANE : What's going to happen to us ?
JOHN : Never mind about us, what happened to everyone else ? Our families ? Emma is close to tears, looking up at Diane for support.
INT. THE HUB - LATER
Gwen walks with Emma through the hub, holding a large book and reading facts about Emma's family from it.
GWEN : Your father died in 1959, he was 48.
EMMA : Dad said he'd die young, all the men in the munitions factory did.
GWEN : Your mother lived 'til she was 81 though. Gwen pauses and looks at Emma who clutches her bag to her chest, trying to be strong like John and Diane but barely holding back tears. Gwen rubs Emma's back in a show of support.
GWEN : I know this is hard to take in but is there anyone else ? Gwen and Emma walk out of shot past Toshiko, John and Jack. Toshiko types searches into her computer, John standing behind her offering names to hunt. Jack watches the proceedings.
JOHN : My son, Alan Ellis, he was born on the sixth of April 1937. 14 Park Place, Grangetown, he might still be alive. Toshiko's computer beeps, the search proving fruitless.
TOSHIKO : The archives in the 50's weren't that well documented.
JACK : We'll try again tomorrow. Right now you need to get some sleep. Jack pats John companionably on the shoulder and walks away. As he passes out of shot he walks past Owen's station where he sits with Diane making notes. Diane smokes a cigarette looking relatively calm.
OWEN : Friends, erm, boyfriend ?
DIANE : Not really. Never stayed in one place long enough.
INT. HOSTEL ENTRANCE
A drab corridor - whitewashed brick walls, a payphone and a notice board, functional front doors, net curtains covering the glass. Jack opens the door and walks inside, John takes the door and holds it open while the others enter. Gwen quickly moves to stand next to Jack against the wall. Diane and Emma enter slowly, John moves behind them and they look around, downtrodden, like refugees.
INT. BEDROOM
A small, functional room with elderly décor and minimalist furnishing - a single bed, a bunk bed, wardrobe and small desk. Gwen pushes open the door to let Diane and Emma in.
GWEN : It's a bit basic.
DIANE : Not when you've slept in barracks. Diane and Emma out down their small bags and remove their coats. Diane trying to smile at Gwen, knowing she's attempting to help, but failing to show any humour.
INT. ANOTHER BEDROOM - CONCURRENT.
A similar room. John stands beside one bed, his case open, Jack standing nearby watching as John removes his belongings.
JOHN : I was gonna close a deal on a shop in Dublin tomorrow. Jack smiles warmly at John, interested to hear his stories. John speaks quietly, regretful.
JACK : What do you trade in ?
JOHN : Er, food, knickknacks, essentials. John takes a small radio from his case and fiddles with it a little. Jack leans in to help.
JACK : What're you after ?
JOHN : Oh the music. Jack adjusts the dials and classical music plays. He smiles at John and steps away. John picks up a camera and shows it to Jack.
JOHN : There's photographs of my family in here.
JACK : I'll see what I can do.
JOHN : Don't worry Captain Harkness, I'll look after the ladies. John shakes Jack's hand.
JACK : Call me Jack.
INT. GIRL'S BEDROOM
Gwen leans on the bunk bed watching Emma unpack. They hear girls laughing and then a slammed door.
EMMA : Who else is here ?
GWEN : Couple of young girls, pretty dress. Emma walks past Gwen to the wardrobe carrying a dress and puts it neatly into the wardrobe. Gwen smiles warmly at Emma, chatting, making her comfortable.
EMMA : Thank you. I made it myself.
GWEN : Where are you from ?
EMMA : Bristol.
GWEN : What were you goin' to Dublin for ?
EMMA : Oh, Auntie Nora's ill, and Uncle Finn can't manage the children. It'll be good practice for when I have children of my own mum says. Gwen continues smiling as Emma walks back to her case. Once Emma's back is turned Gwen's smile drops, wondering at Emma's attitude for her age and that Emma does not seem to have grasped the day's events. Emma picks up a well worn teddy bear from her case and hugs it to her, back to Gwen.
EMMA : She's gone next door, so uncle Finn can telephone, she'll know I'm missing by now.
GWEN : Emma, she found out in 1953. Over 50 years have passed. Gwen speaks to Emma as kindly as she can, not wishing to upset her but needing to remind her of the truth. Emma turns to look at Gwen, her eyes brimming with tears. She drops down to sit on the bed, still holding the teddy bear.
EMMA : What will she think happened ? Gwen sits next to Emma on the bed.
EMMA : Must have been like one of those murders where they never find the body.
GWEN : They seem to think the plane went down in the sea. Emma starts to cry and Gwen puts her arm across Emma's shoulders, comforting her as best she can.
INT. THE HUB - DAY
Jack and Gwen stand in front of the guests. Gwen handing them passports.
JACK : These'll be your means of identification for the authorities, we set up bank accounts for you, but for now we'll be giving you a daily allowance so you can practice with the currency and money management. Diane, John and Emma flick through the passports while Jack speaks. John and Diane read their new identities from the passports, unimpressed with the change of name. Emma is smiling with childish excitement at the change.
JOHN : David Ward ?
DIANE : Sally Anne Hope.
EMMA : Debra Morrisson, and it's spelt how Debra Carr spells it.
JACK : Your background story should incorporate the stories you already have, for instance John, you could have run a corner shop.
JOHN : No. Jack's smile is lost, he doesn't understand why John is upset at the name changes.
JACK : We can fake references.
JOHN : You can't take away our names, for God's sake man, it's all we've got left. It's my son's name, the name above my shop. John throws the passport down on the table staring at Jack with contempt before he walks out. Jack rolls his eyes, looks at Gwen and follows John out of the room sighing. Annoyed at John causing them difficulty, although he understands how John feels - Jack's in the same situation. Jack walks over to John, a short distance away and puts a hand on his shoulder.
JACK : You're right. I didn't think, you should keep your name.
EXT. SUPERMARKET ENTRANCE
Ianto leads John, Diane and Emma across the car park towards the supermarket.
IANTO : I'd suggest you use twenty five pounds for your food and twenty pounds for your luxuries, like cigarettes, magazines.
EMMA : My dad only made ten pounds a week.
IANTO : Things are a lot more expensive now. Ianto walks to the automatic doors, he stands a little behind the others letting them watch other people go through the doors with wonder.
DIANE : How does it do that ?
IANTO : It's automatic. It knows you're there.
DIANE : But how ?
IANTO : There are wave bouncing detectors which emit high frequency radio waves and then look for... Diane makes the door work as Ianto talks, then spots something in the shop and walks towards it with a huge smile.
DIANE : Bananas !
IANTO : Of course bananas are for more interesting. Emma follows Diane into the store, walking past Diane who is picking up bananas in wonder, not having seen one in years. John stands with Ianto at the entrance.
JOHN : Look at all this, we'd just got rationing in '53.
IANTO : Yeah, sorry, we are a consumer society.
JOHN : It's bloody fantastic ! They each wander around the store, marvelling at the produce, Emma gazing at an isle of cakes, Diane looking at the shelves of televisions, trying to stroke a bird which appears on the screen, and John looking at the newspapers and magazines.
EMMA : How much food money have I got left ?
IANTO : Fifteen pound forty. Emma smiles and starts piling sweets into her basket, pulling them off the shelves quickly and randomly.
IANTO : Twelve pounds ten, you'll ruin your teeth.
EMMA : You sound like my mum. Across the store Diane is looking at a DVD which she has pulled from its box, Emma and Ianto join her, Emma looking at the DVD curiously.
DIANE : They sell films in boxes and you can watch them at home.
EMMA : I love going to the pictures. Ianto walks past them towards John who is still looking at magazines. He picks up a magazine with a picture of a woman on the cover wearing only a bra.
JOHN : Good God !
IANTO : Welcome to the wonderful world of scantily dressed celebrities. Emma has moved on and now stands next to the makeup section holding a package reading the cover.
EMMA : Super ex waterproof luscious lashes mascara. I have got to have that ! John still holds the magazine up.
JOHN : There's children around !
IANTO : She's a children's TV presenter. Having made it to the check out, Ianto looks through Emma's purchases.
IANTO : So you like your musicals ?
EMMA : My best friend Katie and I went to see Calamity Jane five times. I've got the LP. Ianto moves past her to the end of the till and helps John to pack. Diane arrives back from the cigarette counter looking concerned at the packet.
IANTO : You alright ? She holds up the packet 'Smoking kills' emblazoned across the bottom.
DIANE : What does that mean ?
EXT. MILLENNIUM STADIUM - LATER THAT DAY
Ianto stops the car outside the stadium, John next to Ianto and Diane and Emma in the back. John gets out of the car.
JOHN : Just gonna take a look at the stadium, you girls stick together now, I'll be back for supper. Ianto drives away leaving John standing looking at the stadium. Once he has gone, John turns and walks away from the stadium.
[SCENE_BREAK]
John stands before a narrow, boarded up house standing alone on a street corner, appearing to be awaiting demolition. A man walks past John.
JOHN : Excuse me. Do you know a man called Alan Ellis ? He used to live here.
MAN : Nah, sorry mate. The man walks on, leaving John to his sorrow.
INT. HOSTEL - KITCHEN - DAY
Emma stands at the kitchen table cutting open tea bags and poring the contents into a teapot. Diane looks in the microwave, then leans against the sideboard at a loss.
DIANE : I'm going to check on the plane this afternoon, want to come ?
EMMA : I'm going to watch this. Emma picks up a DVD from beside her and shows it to Diane.
EMMA : And maybe make some paper chains.
DIANE : I wonder what work I can get in aviation.
EMMA : I'm going to have to find a husband. Two girls enter the kitchen through the back door, laughing loudly. They quiet as they enter the kitchen, one of them walking past Diane and Emma to grab two mugs and make a drink.
ALESHA : Alright. I'm Alesha, this is Jade.
JADE : Alright.
EMMA : Emma.
DIANE : Diane. Excuse me, I have to get ready. Diane leans forward open mouthed to see Alesha dumping teabags into the mugs and then poring in the water. She turns to look at Emma before leaving the room. Emma is happy, the same ages as these girls who are vastly different to herself.
ALESHA : Where do you get those shoes ? They're lush.
EMMA : Thanks
INT. AIRCRAFT HANGER - LATER
The biplane sits in the hanger, Diane and Owen enter through the part open doors. Diane walks up the plane smiling broadly.
DIANE : Hello old girl. Did you miss me ? Diane opens the door and picks up a pole from the pilot's seat and hands it to Owen.
OWEN : I've er, been readin' up on you. England to Australia, in four days 1952, that is impressive. Diane takes the pole from Owen and hands him a rag. She works as she speaks.
DIANE : Yeah, terrible wind across the Bengal bay.
OWEN : Something you ate ? Ah, so how did you get into this ?
DIANE : Ferry planes during the war, of course when it was over we were supposed to revert to being dutiful wives and daughters, but I got a taste for it no pigheaded man was gonna tell me what to do.
OWEN : Oh. Owen peers at the side of the plane, reading the name.
OWEN : Sky Gypsy ?
DIANE : After the engine. The de Havilland Gypsy six, a work of genius. Tuned with a higher compression ratio so it can squeeze far more energy from it's air-fuel mixture. Can I take her up ?
OWEN : No. you could get arrested, you haven't got a license.
DIANE : But I... bugger. It's no longer valid.
OWEN : I guess I'm just another pigheaded man telling you what to do.
DIANE : Well, you better make it up to me. I want to learn all about this new world.
INT. A PUB - SAME DAY
Jack sits with John at small table drinking pints of water and beer respectively.
JOHN : Blackpool were three one down then Stanley Matthews worked his magic, scored two goals in the last twenty minutes, Bolton lost four three. My boy was on his knees punching the air. The FA cup final live in my own living room, I charged the lads a shilling each to come and watch.
JACK : Ever the businessman ay John ? They are silent for a moment, each thinking their own thoughts, John filling his pipe.
JOHN : American accent isn't it ?
JACK : That's right.
JOHN : So how did you end up here ? Doing whatever it is that you do.
JACK : Long story.
JOHN : I'm a slow drinker. Jack looks at the table, smiling slightly, not answering.
JOHN : You know everything about me. What's the problem ?
JACK : It's kinda complicated. John looks at Jack, thinking while he smokes his pipe, knowing that Jack doesn't belong on 21st century Cardiff any more than he does.
JOHN : What, did you fall through time too ?
JACK : Yeah, you could say that. Jack raises his glass, unwilling to say any more, and they clink glasses to each other, comfortable in each other's company, linked by their experiences. A barman walks past the table as John re-lights his pipe.
BARMAN : Sorry, you can't smoke in here mate. John blows out his match and looks at Jack, reminded one more how he doesn't belong in this changed world.
INT. THE HOSTEL - COMMUNAL ROOM - SAME DAY
Emma and Jade put paper chains around an archway while Alesha sits on the settee making more chains.
EMMA : What are you doing Christmas Eve ? We could go carol singing. Jade looks at Emma before walking to her friend, they both laugh. Jade picks up a can of larger.
JADE : Sorry love, I'll be getting hammered.
EMMA : Where are your families ?
JADE : No idea.
ALESHA : We grew up in care.
EMMA : Like a children's home ? Alesha and Jade nod, quietly saddened.
EMMA : I haven't got anyone else either.
JADE : What happened to ya ?
EMMA : My parents are dead, so I came down here to start afresh.
JADE : Didn't they leave you a house or anythin' ? Emma's eyes glitter with tears, finally accepting that she is now alone.
EMMA : No, I've got nothing.
ALESHA : Were you close with them ?
EMMA : Yes. I loved them very much. Jade picks up another can of larger and walks over to Emma, holding it up to her with a smile. The only way she knows to comfort Emma and make everything better for a while. Emma smiles and takes the can, sips carefully then pulls a face at the taste. She smiles and Jade and Alesha laugh at her reaction.
INT. THE PUB - SAME DAY
John and Jack get up from the table and put on their jackets.
JOHN : Must have been an awful Christmas for them thinking I'd drowned. I just wanna know what kind of life he had, my son. He might have kids. I could be passing my own flesh and blood in the street. Find him Jack, he's all I've got left. Jack watches John leave the pub, frowning in concern.
INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - SAME DAY
Owen walks to the table he is shown, followed slowly by Diane who looks around. Owen sits down and Diane stands behind her chair with her hands behind her back, waiting. Owen looks uo at her.
OWEN : What ?
DIANE : I'm waiting for you to pull out my chair. Owen laughs.
OWEN : Let me get this straight, you expect equality and chivalry ?
DIANE : I don't see why they should be mutually exclusive.
OWEN : Well, if it makes you happy. Owen gets up and walks around the table to pull out her chair.
OWEN : Your chair ma'm
DIANE : Thank you. Diane takes out a cigarette while Owen sits back down. Owen picks up the lighter and offers Diane the flame smiling sarcastically.
DIANE : So, what further strides have women made ?
OWEN : Well, under strange but true, how about this: you don't have to have s*x to have kids any more.
DIANE : What ? How come ?
OWEN : You get yourself inseminated with a sort of syringe, cheery little process. Seriously, men donate sperm anonymously, a little shuffle into a pot at a sperm bank, and they say romance is dead.
DIANE : Oh come on. I wasn't born yesterday.
OWEN : No, but, for a bird who's goin' on ninety, you look pretty hot.
INT. THE HOSTEL - COMMON ROOM - LATER
Emma sits on the sofa with Alesha and Jade having watched Calamity Jane, smiling and happy.
EMMA : What was your favourite song ?
JADE : It's hard to say.
EMMA : You know what mine was ? Emma gets up and starts singing, dancing as if she's in the film. Jade and Alesha laugh, entertained rather than at Emma. Alesha dancing along in her seat.
EMMA : I just flew in from the windy city, the windy city is mighty pretty, but he ain't got what we got, I'm tellin' you boys.
JOHN : What do you think you're playing at ? I thought I could trust you to behave. John is angry at Emma, acting unseemly for a girl of her age. Emma is chastised, Jade and Alicia suppress smiles on the settee.
INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT - LATER
Owen helps Diane into her jacket.
OWEN : Where d'you wanna go now ?
DIANE : Well... I'm in your hands.
OWEN : Er, well, we could go back to mine. You could read up about yourself on the 'net. That's sounds like a line, it's not a line, I'm not chatting you up, not because I don't think you're attractive, cause you are, but because I wouldn't want you to think that I was taking an advantage.
DIANE : Got any scotch ?
INT. THE HOSTEL - LATER
Gwen has arrived and stands next to Emma looking at John.
JOHN : I don't see why she had to get you involved.
GWEN : She called me, she was upset.
JOHN : She was drinking.
EMMA : I only had half a glass. John speaks as he sets the table for dinner and collects two meals from the kitchen hole.
JOHN : Enough to make a show of yourself. We've not meant to draw attention to ourselves, we're not the same as them. We can't trust anyone.
GWEN : Will you be okay now Emma ?
JOHN : Don't worry. I won't let her out of my sight again.
EMMA : I don't like liver.
JOHN : Sit down young lady and be grateful for what you're given. Gwen is concerned and annoyed at the way John is speaking to Emma, Emma getting increasingly angry, and upset.
EMMA : And why should I listen to you ?...
GWEN : Emma.
EMMA : ...only my dad gets to talk to me like that. I'm never going to see him again am I ? Or my mum. Or my best friend. Or my dog. And I miss them I hate this filthy, stinking place. Emma crying storms from the room. Gwen looks to John, expecting him to do something. John picks up a napkin and prepares to eat, unconcerned at Emma's outburst.
JOHN : I never had this trouble with my son. Gwen walks out to find Emma, John looks after her then picks up his knife and fork, not knowing what to do.
INT. OWEN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Owen on his hands and knees, tries to tidy magazines and miscellaneous mess under the settee before Diane enters the room.
OWEN : Women have been to space too you know. Diane leans on the doorframe watching Owen who opens a bottle of scotch.
DIANE: Do you have a girlfriend ?
OWEN : No.
DIANE : So, who do all those beauty products belong to ?
OWEN : Er, me actually. Dianne laughs at him, Owen joins her laughing at himself, bringing her a glass of scotch.
DIANE : Oh.
OWEN : Oi ! Real men can moisturise to you know. Diane walks across the room, looking around with her drink.
DIANE : It's not very homely here.
OWEN : No, not really that much. Doesn't seem worth the effort. Diane walks across to the far window, putting down her scotch and lighting a cigarette while Owen watches her.
OWEN : You smoke too much.
DIANE : So I gather. Amelia Earhart, she disappeared in 1932. Think she's still out there somewhere ?
OWEN : I doubt it. One in a zillion chance, you ending up here.
DIANE : A whole new world. Owen walks over to look out of the window near to her.
OWEN : Oh it's not so bad, once you get used to it. I recon you'll fit in just fine. Diane doesn't look convinced that she will fit in, but knows she has to. She turns to Owen looking up at him through her eyelashes.
DIANE : I'm glad you don't have a girlfriend.
OWEN : Me too.
INT. GWEN'S FLAT - NIGHT
Gwen turns out a floor lamp and looks over at Emma who is wrapped in a duvet sleeping on the settee. Gwen turns out the light and walks upstairs.
INT. OWEN'S BEDROOM - LATER
Owen and Diane finish having s*x, both happy they lie next to each other.
OWEN : I take it that wasn't your first time. Owen smiles and Diane laughs before turning her head towards Owen, holding his hand.
DIANE : I had a lover, he was married.
OWEN : And you didn't care ? Owen turns to lie on his side, watching Diane as she speaks.
DIANE : Well, I was free to do what I liked and I didn't have to cook and clean for him. Suited me, I'm not exactly marriage material.
OWEN : Yeah. I always thought the fifties were, that time, sexually repressed, you know. Diane laughs turning to look Owen in the eye.
DIANE : You didn't invent it you know.
OWEN : Can we do it again ?
DIANE : Don't see why not.
OWEN : Could have an affair. We could be f*ck buddies.
DIANE : What's a f*ck buddy ?
OWEN : It's erm, it's a friend that you have casual s*x with.
DIANE : There's nothing casual about what we just did.
OWEN : Oh, no, no, I didn't mean that.
DIANE : s*x shouldn't be devalued. Both parties should give it one hundred percent concentration. Because when you take off together. It's the next best thing to flying.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. GWEN'S FLAT - MORNING
Rhys walks naked through the living room and into the kitchen area. Emma stretches on the settee, the noise disturbing her sleep. Rhys gathers some breakfast and walks back towards the stairs, past the end of the settee. Emma sees him and screams.
[SCENE_BREAK]
GWEN'S KITCHEN - LATER.
Gwen makes cups of tea, Emma stands next to her in a robe. Rhys faces her across the table, also now wearing a robe
GWEN : Emma is my auntie's step-daughter. She was meant to spend Christmas in Cardiff with a friend but they had an awful argument last night and er, she rang me. Got my number from mam. Gwen silently preys Rhys will believe her then puts a cup of tea on the counter for him.
GWEN : The thing is, she doesn't really wanna go back home so I thought maybe she could stay with us, got a lot to catch up on.
RHYS : For Christmas ? Gwen standing a little behind Emma mouths at Rhys angrily "well you throw her out then, come on!..." Emma turns to Gwen and Gwen smiles at her before looking at Rhys.
RHYS : I'd better get a bigger turkey. Gwen smiles happily then moves over to kiss Rhys.
GWEN : This is Rhys, my long suffering boyfriend. And, he lives here.
EMMA : Don't your parents mind ?
GWEN : Emma's parents are a bit religious.
RHYS : Oh, er, better not tell them you saw my morning glory then aye ? Gwen laughs with Rhys as he leaves the room, as soon as the door closes Gwen speaks seriously to Emma.
GWEN : The thing is I couldn't tell him your parents were dead. He'd ask to many questions. The thing is he doesn't know exactly what I do. Gwen gestures keeping it zipped to Emma and walks away, leaving Emma confused and questioning Gwen's sanity in the kitchen.
INT. THE HUB - LATER
Gwen walks with Jack from his office through the hub.
GWEN : We can't expect John and Diane to look after her. I mean they're complete they're complete strangers. I had to take her in, Diane didn't even come home last night. Owen walks in with a file of papers.
OWEN : Er, I think she was in a B&B. Gwen walks away annoyed leaving Owen speaking to Jack.
OWEN : I'm gonna take her job hunting later if that's alright ? Owen sits down at his station and Jack walks over to Toshiko.
TOSHIKO : Jack, John's son, I think I've found him.
INT. CARE HOME - MORNING
A nurse leads John through into the Care Home's day room.
NURSE : Come and meet Alan, though I'm not sure how much help he'll be to you. John pauses at the door, looking a his son. He walks forward slowly watching the frail, elderly man slumbering in a narrow high backed chair.
NURSE : Alan. There's someone here to see you. He's a nephew on your father's side, he's been tracking down family history.
ALAN : Is Sally coming ?
NURSE: Sally's his wife. She passed away a while back. Sorry this isn't one of his better days.
JOHN : What's wrong with him ?
NURSE : Alzheimer's.
JOHN : What's that ?
NURSE : He's senile, he doesn't remember who he is most of the time, couldn't live at home any more he'd leave hobs on, forget to dress you know. He never had any children so there was no one there to look after him. The nurse walks away, leaving a devastated John with Alan. John cries as he looks at Alan who stares straight ahead, not seeing anyone.
INT. CARE HOME - LATER
John shows Alan old family photos, John smiling with the memories, Alan not understanding or remembering.
JOHN : That's you and your dad, playing footie out the back. That's your dad and your mum and your new television set.
ALAN : When can I go home ?
NURSE : You're not well enough love.
ALAN : I don't like it here. They took my clothes.
NURSE : I'll have a word, they're probably in the wash. Keeps me going this one. The nurse walks away again, John speaks as she moves away.
JOHN : What did he do for a living ? Was he in retail ?
NURSE : I think he was a fireman. John turns to Alan with a smile and speaks quietly.
JOHN : That's what I did, in the war.
EXT. AIR FIELD - DAY
Owen and Diane walk across the airfield between small planes.
DIANE : Sixty pounds for half an hour.
OWEN : Ah, no worries, I'll pay. Diane sees a type of plane she recognises and moves towards it, grinning and stroking the sides like an old friend.
DIANE : Sessker. That's my first plane. Bought one after the war. They've hardly changed. A dream to fly.
OWEN : We'll soon get you back behind the, throttle.
DIANE : Thanks Owen. Dianne leans in and kisses Owen.
INT. CARE HOME - LATER
JOHN : Matthews did three setups in 20 minutes, and Bill Perry cracked home the winner.
Alan begins to lean forward, smiling slightly, a memory returning.
JOHN : You said he had wings on his feet. That's why he was called a winger. You used to say clever things like that.
ALAN : Blackpool won.
JOHN : Yes ! Alan, it's me, your dad. Alan leans back in his chair, the memory gone. John cries, begging him to recall more.
JOHN : I bought you that football annual you wanted for Christmas, Alan. It was in my desk drawer. Alan please.
NURSE : Everything alright ?
JOHN : He remembered who won the FA cup final when he was a boy.
NURSE : He sometimes remembers snippets from his childhood, it's quite common with dementia.
ALAN : When's dad coming mum ?
NURSE : I'm not your mum, love.
JOHN : Alan. John takes Alan's hand, tears in his eyes and Alan looks towards him.
ALAN : Who are you ?
INT. THE HUB - LATER
Jack sits on the sofa in the hub reading a piece of paper with a picture of John on it.
JACK : John's witnessing the end of his world, the end of line, and we can't help. Jack throws the picture onto the table in front of him, along side pictures of Diane and Emma. He speaks to Toshiko who stands nearby.
JACK : There's no puzzle to solve, no enemy to fight, just three lost people who've somehow become our responsibility. Jack shakes his head and leans back, not knowing what to do.
EXT. AIRFIELD - LATER
Diane and Owen stand next to a plane speaking to the flight instructor.
INSTRUCTOR : The best I can do is Friday the twenty-ninth at 3 o'clock.
OWEN : Can't you take her up today ?
INSTRUCTOR : Fully booked.
DIANE : It's alright, I've flown for years, I can go up on my own.
INSTRUCTOR : Not without a license, I'm sorry.
OWEN : Maybe you could cancel someone, we'll pay extra.
INSTRUCTOR : I couldn't do that to my regulars now could I ?
DIANE : Look, it's fine, book me in for the twenty-ninth. It's Diane Holmes. Owen and Diane walk away across the airfield, Diane upset.
OWEN : Diane, I'm really sorry, I should've called ahead.
DIANE : For goodness sake this is so silly, it's just I was really looking forward... ignore me, lets get out of here.
INT. A NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
Emma stands in the middle of the dance floor of a crowded nightclub looking lost. A man walks over to her and speaks in her ear. Gwen and Rhys sit down across the nightclub.
GWEN : You think she'll be alright though ? I don't think she's even had a proper boyfriend before.
RHYS : Gwen stop fussing, she'll be fine, man. Gwen kisses Rhys. Emma dances self consciously with the man. Gwen breaks off the kiss and picks up her wine.
RHYS : What's that for ?
GWEN : For putting up with me.
RHYS : I deserve a lot more for doing that. Gwen kisses Rhys then looks over her shoulder at Emma, they wave to each other and Gwen kisses Rhys again. Emma nods her head at the man and they walk from the dance floor. A little later Gwen walks through the nightclub searching for Emma, she sees Emma and the man sitting in an alcove alone, kissing, and walks over quickly, Followed by Rhys. Gwen grabs the back of the man's shirt and pulls him off Emma.
GWEN : Oi, hands off. Rhys moves the man out of the alcove and back into the main club.
RHYS : Go back to your friends, there's a good boy.
GWEN : What are you playing at ?
EMMA : I wasn't going to let him do anything.
GWEN : You might not have had much choice !
RHYS : Come on Gwen, don't you think you're over reacting ?
EMMA : Just having a kiss and a cuddle.
GWEN : He was after a bit more than that.
INT. GWEN'S FLAT
Gwen sits with Emma at the table, Emma looking through a magazine article about how to drive men wild in bed.
EMMA : This is disgusting.
GWEN : I just want you to know that people are more sexually aware these days, then maybe you'll be more careful.
EMMA : Mum says that no man wants to marry soiled goods.
GWEN : Attitudes have changed. As long as it's safe and between two consenting adults no one cares. Gwen pauses to drink her tea and Emma regards her, a little haughtily.
EMMA : So, how many men have you, don't it, with ? Gwen chokes on her tea at the question, pausing before putting down her mug.
GWEN : A few. And...
EMMA : Were you in love with all of them ?
GWEN : No. s*x can just be about having a good time together. If you're in the right mood, with the right guy, it's the best. No big deal.
EMMA : So if I meet a boy, and we get on, he wants s*x, you think I should let him ?
GWEN : No, that's not what I said.
EMMA : So, what are you saying ?
GWEN : s*x is nothing to be ashamed of. And as for you, well your first time should be with someone special.
EMMA : You wish you'd waited for Rhys, he's your special someone, isn't he ?
GWEN : Yes, yes I suppose.
EMMA : I bet s*x with him is better than with the others. Gwen nods along happily then drops her smile at the end of the sentence.
GWEN : Well...
EMMA : I will wait for Mr Right I think.
GWEN : Umhum.
EMMA : I'm really not the kind of girl who sleeps around. Gonna brush my teeth. Thanks, for the chat. Emma gets up and leaves the room leaving Gwen sitting at the table, uncomfortable.
INT. OWEN'S FLAT - DAY
Owen enters the flat carrying a posh bag from a shop. Diane sits on his settee near the window overlooking the Assembly, working on Owen's laptop.
OWEN : Leave it. Owen puts down the bag and starts taking off his jacket as Diane speaks.
DIANE : I can't if I want to fly a jet plane, 'cause that's what flying is now, sitting on your backside pressing buttons. You used to have to know how to fix an engine, how to gauge the wind... Owen slams the laptop closed, stopping her tirade.
OWEN : Leave it. Owen holds out the bag for Diane to see.
OWEN : Open this. Diane smiles and gets up to look in the bag, pulling out tissue and dropping it on the floor. She takes a beautiful dress from the bag and holds it up before her to look.
DIANE : That's beautiful. She kisses Owen in gratitude.
INT. GWEN'S FLAT
Gwen stands in the kitchenette pouring a glass of wine. Emma enters the room wearing her jacket.
GWEN : Well, how did it go ?
EMMA : This coat I'm wearing is their latest fashion, 50s inspired. They offered me a job on the spot ! Gwen claps her hands smiling and hugs Emma tightly.
GWEN : Oh, that's brilliant ! Oh, now we need to find you a flat somewhere near here.
EMMA : The shop's in a new branch in London. Gwen's smile fades at the mention of London, although Emma is excited at the prospect.
EMMA : I've always dreamt of working in a London fashion house. They open the day after boxing day, I'll be a shop girl and a trainee buyer. I might get a house there, they've given me contact numbers.
GWEN : London's a big city.
EMMA : That's what my mum used to say.
GWEN : There's no rush.
EMMA : There's nothing to keep me here.
GWEN : I'm sure we can find you something in Cardiff. We'll keep looking. They clink their glasses and Emma drinks her wine but looks unhappy.
INT. THE HUB - RECEPTION
John enters the reception area through the hidden door, followed by Jack.
JOHN : ...make a plan, get work, get my driving license.
JACK : It'll all help. John holds out his hand which Jack shakes. Jack smiles at John then walks back through the secret door, glancing back at John briefly. John stands in the reception area alone then with a sigh walks behind the desk and takes a set of keys off a hook on the wall. He walks back along the counter and Ianto enters through his beaded curtain at the side of the desk. John smiles at him.
JOHN : Er, I was looking for a bus timetable, I wanna go down to the DIY store see if there's any work going. Ianto looks briefly and hands John a timetable.
IANTO : Best of luck.
JOHN : Thank you. Ianto watches John leave before returning to his office.
EXT. CAR PARK - NIGHT
Owen drives onto a rooftop car park and stops. He and Diane exit the car, Diane wearing the new dress Owen bought her and Owen wearing a suit, his tie around his neck but not tied. They walk slowly from the car.
DIANE : Where are you taking me ?
OWEN : We're here. Bear with me. Owen walks back to the car and opens the boot.
INT. GWEN'S FLAT - NIGHT
Rhys sits on the sofa, unhappy. Gwen speaks as she and Emma enter the house.
GWEN : Oh, we have had such a girly day shopping. Gwen sits down on the sofa next to Rhys and kisses him while Emma unpacks her bags in the kitchen. Rhys doesn't smile.
GWEN : What's up ?
RHYS : Your mum rang. Funny thing, she's no idea who Emma is. Gwen looks at Emma, then back to Rhys, feigned confusion.
GWEN : No ?
RHYS : And I'm thinking back to you and me on the couch. Work calls and you go out in the middle of the night, come back with a surprise relative. So let's have it. Who exactly is Polly Anna ? Gwen chuckles, trying to deflect the situation.
RHYS : Aww, is it to do with work ?
GWEN : It's so hard to explain.
RHYS : Do you even know her ? Gwen shakes her head slowly.
GWEN : She was lost, I'm sorry.
RHYS : What worries me is how easy it seems for you to lie to me, Gwen. Rhys gets up to leave the room, Gwen open mouthed, unable to find anything to say. Emma walks over quickly from the kitchen to speak to Rhys. Gwen stands.
EMMA : It's my fault. I'll leave by tomorrow. Gwen stands next to Emma.
GWEN : You don't have to go. She's eighteen years old ! I couldn't turn my back on her ! Rhys doesn't answer but leaves the room and slams the door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
GWEN'S FLAT - LATER
Gwen and Emma sit next to each other on the floor in front of the Christmas tree. Gwen hugs her knees to her chest while Emma ties a ribbon on a small box.
GWEN : It's like two separate worlds. There's Torchwood, then there's real life.
EMMA : That's why you've got to let me go.
EXT. CAR PARK - NIGHT
Two glasses of champagne are being poured, pan up to see Owen but down the bottle and pick up the glasses from the boot of his car. He walks over to Diane and hands a glass to her.
OWEN : I couldn't help noticing you standing out here in that beautiful dress.
DIANE : This beautiful dress is a gift from my lover.
OWEN : Then he is a fool to let you go out in it alone. Owen grins at her and she laughs a little, standing close together.
DIANE : What shall we drink to ?
OWEN : Chance meetings. They tap glasses and drink.
CUT TO : same location, later. Owen holds out his hand to Diane and they dance close, happy. Owen twirling Diane around. Diane looks up at the moon and wraps her arms around herself, Owen takes off his jacket and drapes it over Diane's shoulders and holds her tightly, standing behind her. Diane looks over her shoulder at him, gazing into each other's eyes.
DIANE : Lets go home.
[SCENE_BREAK]
OWEN'S FLAT - LATER
Owen holds Diane close as they kiss passionately, Diane pushing him back against the floor-length window as much as Owen pulls her. They turn, Diane now against the window and Owen moves down her body, Diane smiling broadly. A phone rings.
INT. THE HUB - JACK'S OFFICE
The phone is ringing in Jack's office. Jack climbs up from his room below his office, dusting his hands off before he answers the phone.
JACK : Hello.
[SCENE_BREAK]
THE HUB - RECEPTION - CONCURRENT
Ianto crouches behind the desk speaking into the phone.
IANTO : My car keys are missing. John was behind the counter earlier on. And I can't get hold of him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
THE HUB - CONSECUTIVE.
Jack sits at a computer and brings up a map showing a red dot - Ianto's tracked car. Jack frowns, Ianto stands behind him looking at the screen.
JACK : He's gone home. Jack stands up and as he does so Ianto moves to pick up Jack's jacket, handing it over as Jack runs past, taking the jacket without really needing to look.
[SCENE_BREAK]
TORCHWOOD SUV
Jack drives the SUV to John's old house and pulls up outside. He gets out of the car and scans the area with his wrist cuff, looking around to locate John. He jogs to the front door and bangs on the boards.
JACK : John ! Jack scans the area again and runs along the side of the house and around the back to a garage. John sits in the car, his head lolling to one side. The car filling with exhaust fumes. Jack pulls open the doors and runs to the car.
JACK : John ! Jack pulls open the driver's door and pulls John from the car. John leans back against the car and Jack holds his arms, keeping him against the car so he can't run.
JACK : You can't just throw it away, not without trying.
JOHN : I'm not as strong as you, you don't understand.
JACK : I do. I was born in the future, lived in your past. My time is gone too.
JOHN : Why are you doing this ? Speaking to me in bloody riddles. Keeping me here when my wife is dead, my son is a shell.
JACK : John, you're still young, you can get work, make friends, start a family.
JOHN : I did all that Jack, years ago, when I was meant to. Jack releases John and steps back slightly.
INT. OWEN'S FLAT - BEDROOM
Owen and Diane in Owen's bed having s*x, clawing at each other, holding on as if they both know it's the last time.
INT. JOHN'S GARAGE
JACK : I wish I could say something.
JOHN : There's nothing to say or do.
JACK : I can't leave you here.
JOHN : Then we'll wait, the sun will rise, we'll have some breakfast, take a walk.
JACK : Yes, a new day.
JOHN : And I'll suffer it all and, smile and wag my tail, and then as soon as your back is turned, I'll make sure I do it properly. 'Cause I want to die.
JACK : You don't get reunited John. Just goes black.
JOHN : How do you know ?
JACK : I died once.
JOHN : Who are you ?
JACK : A man, like you, out of his time. Alone, scared.
JOHN : How do you cope ?
JACK : It's just bearable, it has to be. I don't have a choice.
JOHN : But I do. If you wanna help me, then let me go with some dignity, don't condemn me to live.
JACK : Are you scarred ?
JOHN : Yes.
INT. OWEN'S FLAT - BEDROOM
Owen and Diane lie in bed.
DIANE : You're very quiet.
OWEN : I don't know if I can do this any more. This isn't how it works for me. I've slept with enough women, I've done the f*ck buddies thing, this is not it. I can't concentrate. All I see is you, all I can think about is what you're wearing, what you're thinking, what you're... what you're face looks like when you cum. It's been what, a week? And er, it's like, when I'm not with you, I'm, I'm out of focus. How have you done this to me ? I'm scarred. I'm f*cking scarred. Owen looks away repeatedly throughout his speech. Diane leans on his chest and looks at Owen.
DIANE : I love you to. Owen pulls Diane up into a delicate kiss and they hold each other.
INT. JOHN'S GARAGE
John and Jack sit beside each other in the car. Jack holds John's hand as the car fills with fumes, watching John breath deeply. John's hand falls away from Jack's as he dies.
INT. OWEN'S FLAT - BEDROOM
Owen sleeps and Diane leans on her elbow watching him sadly.
DIANE : The thing about love, is that you're always at it's mercy.
INT. JOHN'S GARAGE
John's head leans against the door, Jack sits next to him in the fumes, crying he takes John's hand and rests it on his leg.
EXT. BUS STATION - DAY
Gwen and Emma walk towards the bus, Gwen holding the tickets.
GWEN : Now then these are your tickets, okay on the back is your seat number, keep this with you at all times. I've also got you return just in case. Now, don't go talking to any strangers and call me as soon as you get there okay ?
INT. OWEN'S FLAT - BEDROOM - DAY
Owen wakes to find he is alone in bed. He looks around the room and finds a note on Diane's pillow. He picks it up and reads.
EXT. AIRFIELD - DAY
Diane stands next to her plane, watching as Owen speeds towards her. She walks around the plane, making it ready to fly, as Owen stops the car. Owen gets out of the car quickly and walks over to her.
OWEN : No, I'm not letting you do this.
DIANE : I'm not a possession Owen.
OWEN : You can't do this, it's madness.
DIANE : If I'd listened to everyone who'd told me that I wouldn't have broken any records.
EXT. BUS STATION
Gwen and Emma watch the bus pull up as they stand in the queue.
GWEN : You don't have to go.
EMMA : If I don't then I'll always wonder what it's like. London, Gwen. Gwen pulls Emma into a tight hug, both of them crying but trying to fight tears as she hands over the ticket. Gwen nods towards the bus indicating that Emma should get on. Emma climbs on board as Gwen watches.
EXT. AIRFIELD
Diane continues making checks on the plane while Owen begs her to stay.
OWEN : Diane, you're not thinking straight, we can talk about it.
DIANE : No. I'm sorry Owen.
OWEN : We can make this work! You belong here now with me.
DIANE : I belong in the sky.
OWEN : Well, we can get you up in the sky in a couple of months you can fly whenever you want.
DIANE : Look, weather conditions are the same as the day we arrived. That rift will open again, I can feel it.
OWEN : Listen to me. There is no way back, you cannot get home.
DIANE : Then it will take me somewhere new. Diane moves away from Owen, leaving him standing watching after her.
EXT. BUS STATION
Gwen watches as the bus pulls away, waving to Emma who waves back smiling. Gwen moves alongside the bus.
GWEN : Merry Christmas ! Gwen watches as the bus turns the corner out of the bus station then leans against the shelter wall smiling.
EXT. AIRFIELD
Diane sits in the pilot seat of her plane, Owen leaning in, still pleading with Diane.
OWEN : I'll come with you.
DIANE : I fly solo, Owen. I go faster and further than others.
OWEN : We have no idea how this rift works, you could end up anywhere.
DIANE : That's the beauty of it.
OWEN : It's too dangerous !
DIANE : It's what I do. Diane leans past Owen to close the door but Owen keeps the door open with his hand.
OWEN : What about me ? Please, please, don't go. Diane looks sadly at Owen and puts her scarf around his neck before kissing him.
DIANE : What memories I'm taking with me. Owen looks at her, fighting back tears as he realises he cannot make her change her mind. He steps back shakily from the door and Diane pulls it shut and starts the plane. She looks at Owen and blows him a kiss before pulling down her goggles and starting to taxi away. Owen steps back from the plane to watch her.
INT. JOHN'S GARAGE
Jack remains sitting in the car, remembering his time with John. INTERCUT : Gwen's memories of Emma and Owen's memories of Diane.
EXT. AIRFIELD
Owen watches Diane take off and disappear into the white light of clouds.
CLOSING CREDITS
GUEST CAST : Diane Holmes - Louise Delamere / John Ellis - Mark Lewis / Emma Louise Cowell - Olivia Hallinan / Alan Ellis - Sam Beazley / Nurse - Marion Fenner / Alesha - Janine Carrington / Jade - Rhea Bailey / Flying Instructor - Andrew MacBean / Barman - Ciaran Dowd. Please note that this script has been re-produced as accurately as possibly for [www.torchpedia.co.uk Torchpedia] from the televised episode. It is not a transcript of the original script by Catherine Tregenna. | Plan: A: Three; Q: How many passengers from 1953 arrive in modern day Cardiff? A: the Rift; Q: What does the plane accidentally fly through? A: each person; Q: Who must adapt to their new life in the present? A: painful consequences; Q: What happens when the displaced passengers start personal relationships with members of the Torchwood team? Summary: Three passengers from 1953 arrive in modern day Cardiff when their plane unintentionally flies through the Rift. With no means of traveling back, each person must adapt to their new life in the present. However, there are painful consequences for all concerned when the displaced passengers start personal relationships with members of the Torchwood team. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
David: The Author!
Mary Margaret: We know him, Emma.
Because of him, we were put on the path to causing Maleficent to lose her child.
Maleficent: She's alive.
Gold: In this world.
Zelena: Hello, sis.
Regina: Zelena. Where's Robin? What have you done with him? One phone call from me, and your beloved dies at the hands of your sister. What do you want from me? You are gonna write new happy endings. You have made me a monster, but I won't let you do the same to Emma.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ London - Past ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(A little girl runs into the woods. Two dogs run after her till they stop her. A woman parks her car near the little girl and gets out.)
Madeline: Heel. That's far enough. Now be a good girl and come back home.
Cruella: I won't. You can't make me.
Madeline: As a matter of fact, I can... And now that your father's gone, we're going to make a few changes around the house, Cruella.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Madeline brings her daughter to the attic.)
Madeline: This is where you'll be sleeping from now on.
Cruella: So you're just going to drop me off here? Like one of your dogs?
Madeline: This room must be your world now, until someday, you learn to do as I say.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cruella drives her car. She is stopped by Maleficent.)
Cruella: Uhh!
Maleficent: We need to talk.
Cruella: Good thing I had my brakes serviced, darling. I do hate getting blood on the car.
Maleficent: There's still time for that. Tell me about Lily.
Cruella: Sorry. Who?
Maleficent: My daughter Lily. You told me she didn't survive the trip to this world. You lied.
Cruella: Perhaps I did. Um, but there's an explanation, of course. You see, um... I'm a really terrible person, and I left her in the woods to die.
Maleficent: You did what?
Cruella: Oh, don't be so flabbergasted. You know I'm not mother material. Ursula and I took that dragon egg she was in. Oh, the magic helped us stay young, you know. Wonderful thing.
(But the little brat...)
Maleficent: My daughter.
Cruella: Yes. Well...
Maleficent: You should know your death is going to last for days.
(Maleficent turns into a dragon. Cruella uses her power on her.)
Cruella: Oh, I was so hoping you'd do that. People always underestimate a girl in diamonds and furs, don't they? I mean, no one guessed what I was really after. Not Gold. Certainly not you. But now that the Author is here, today is the day that I get mine. Now be a good girl, lie down, and take a nap.
(The dragon falls asleep.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Charming's family goes back home.)
Emma: You have to remember something else about the Author, some way to find him. Now think.
David: We told you everything we know.
Emma: Are we sure about that? Because secrets just keep coming out.
Mary Margaret: Okay. You're clearly still upset.
Emma: Yes, I am still upset. You were the ones who taught me there is always a right way. A heroic way. And what you did to Maleficent's child...
David: It was our only option to make sure you grew up... Good.
Emma: I'm sorry, but if it were me, no matter what, I would not harm a defenseless person.
Mary Margaret: And that right there... That goodness is exactly why we did what we did.
(It was worth it.)
(Regina comes in.)
Emma: Regina, where have you been?
Regina: In the middle of a very bad day. I'll tell you the whole story later, after I rescue Robin Hood.
Emma: Robin Hood? What the hell are you talking about?
Regina: I called that number you gave me, but Marian answered the phone, and I discovered... She's not really Marian at all.
David: So who is she?
Regina: Zelena.
David: The wicked witch?
Regina: I don't know how it's possible, but my sister has been masquerading as her this entire time. And she's in league with Gold. Robin's in danger, so I'm going to New York to find him and stop her.
Hook: And what about Gold? If they're working together, he's not just gonna let you waltz off and spoil his plans.
Regina: I wouldn't worry about Gold. I know exactly how to handle him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Mr Gold's shop.)
Belle: Oh! Regina, I didn't, uh, didn't hear you come in.
Regina: Your ex-husband has done quite a number on me, Belle.
Belle: Oh. I'm, uh... Sorry to hear that.
Regina: And now he wants me to work with him.
Belle: Uh, well, I'm sure that would be a mistake.
Regina: I know it is.
Belle: How can I help?
Regina: I'm glad you asked.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Mr Gold's cabin.)
Isaac: Well, this is certainly homey. Antlers are a nice touch. Makes me feel like Hemingway. Or maybe Thoreau. Name's Isaac, by the way.
Mr Gold: Do you always talk this much?
Isaac: Only when I'm nervous. And you still have my quill.
Mr Gold: Yeah. Well, for now, let's call it... My quill.
Isaac: You know, it's worthless without its ink.
Mr Gold: Oh, I'm aware, and I plan to obtain some very soon.
Isaac: Yeah. And just how are you gonna do that?
Mr Gold: Simple. Now you're here, I'm gonna turn the saviour dark.
Isaac: What will that accomplish?
Mr Gold: Once her heart has been blackened, everything I need shall fall into place. You'll see soon enough, when my associates return.
Isaac: Your associates seem to have a taste for fur. And perfume. Can't wait to meet them.
Mr Gold: Surely you must know them from your stories.
Isaac: Know of them, sure, but an author rarely gets...
Mr Gold: Be quiet. Don't say another word. Something's just come up. You stay here till I return.
Isaac: Until you return? But who's gonna...
(Mr Gold leaves.)
Isaac: Protect me?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Into the woods, near the well.)
Belle: Rumplestiltskin. Rumple...
Mr Gold: Hello, Belle.
Belle: Hello.
Mr Gold: This is a curious place to meet.
Belle: Do you, uh, do you remember what you told me here the night of our vows? How I chased all the darkness out of you?
Mr Gold: Belle, look, I'm sorry for everything.
Belle: No. No apologies today. For once in my life, I just want the truth. Why are you here, Rumple? Are you... Are you trying to win me back?
Mr Gold: It's a bit more complicated than that.
(Mr Gold rips his heart. His heart is dark except a little red spot.)
Belle: Rumple?
Mr Gold: It seems that centuries of dark deeds do take their toll. And all that's left of it... Is this. And pretty soon, that will be gone, too.
Belle: Well... Will you die?
Mr Gold: In a manner of speaking, yes. I will lose any ability to love. And that goodness that you once saw inside of me... Well, that'll be gone forever. There's only one man who can reverse this process, and that's the Author. That's why I'm here in Storybrooke. I don't expect you to understand, of course.
Belle: But I... I-I do understand.
Mr Gold: You do?
Belle: Sometimes I worry... I worry I threw out the chipped teacup too soon.
(Mr Gold kisses Belle.)
Belle: You know what the problem is, though? Will is just such a better kisser than you are.
Mr Gold: W-what?
Belle: You're pathetic. Watching you come groveling back to me, it's like a dog begging for scraps.
Mr Gold: Why are you saying that? This isn't like you, Belle.
Regina: But it is so like me.
Mr Gold: Regina.
Regina: Now forget all this and run along home.
(Belle leaves.)
Mr Gold: You have no idea just how much I'm gonna make you suffer for this.
Regina: Oh, you're not gonna do a thing, unless you wanna see what happens when I take this heart and squeeze.
Mr Gold: Come on. We both know you don't have it in you.
Regina: Don't I?
Mr Gold: All right, all right. I believe you.
Regina: Good. So I'm headed to New York now. And if you breathe one word of this to Zelena, you won't be the only one who loses a heart.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Mr Gold's cabin.)
Cruella: Don't bother studying the greats, darling. You'll never be one of them... Hello, Isaac. Never thought you'd see me again, did you?
Isaac: I was certainly hoping not to.
Cruella: Then why don't you make this easy and give me back what you took?
Isaac: Can't do it. Sorry.
Cruella: With one whistle, I can send a hundred snarling dogs after you.
Isaac: You could, but you and I both know that even with all your magic, you don't have enough power to hurt me.
Cruella: I do hate it when you're right, darling. Though I do like this new shade of confidence. It's so... Masculine. Are you sure you can't help a girl out? For old time's sake?
Isaac: Not a chance.
Cruella: Well, then you will pay for what you did when you made me what I am.
Isaac: You know, idle threats don't make for good drama. But I do see one interesting story developing here.
Cruella: Really? And what's that?
Isaac: Rumplestiltskin. Has no idea that we know each other. Which means that... You lied to him. So from one old friend to another, you should probably be gone before he gets back.
Cruella: Oh, you always did know how to infuriate a girl, didn't you? Well, enjoy the upper hand while it's still on your wrist, because I think you'll find... There's more than one way to skin an Author.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ London - Past ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cruella is listening to the radio in her bedroom.)
Radio: And now a brand-new song straight from London's legendary Murray's Club, the toast of Beak Street.
(Her mother enters.)
Madeline: Cruella! Where did you get this?
Cruella: Plug that back in. You simply have to hear this song.
Madeline: You stole it, didn't you? Last time I let you out?
Cruella: Well, that's because I'm bored out of my mind! I-I've read every book in here a hundred times. And I wouldn't have to steal if you'd just let me leave this house just once.
Madeline: Out of the question. Stay here. And be quiet.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Madeline opens her door.)
Madeline: Can I help you?
Isaac: I certainly hope so. I'm a newspaper writer. I travel all over, collecting interesting personal stories.
Madeline: None of those here, I'm afraid. Good night.
Isaac: Don't be modest. I heard you're the best dog trainer in London. You've been hired by princes and kings. All I'm asking for is two minutes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(In the living room.)
Isaac: So tell me about this talent you have. I've heard the way you control your dogs, it's almost like magic.
Madeline: No magic, I'm afraid. Just hard work and routine.
Isaac: Well, that's dull. To be honest, I'm looking for stories with a bit more pizzazz. A great story always needs just a sprinkle of magic, you know? Something unexpected. Quite the portraits you've got there. Relatives?
Madeline: Husbands. I think it's time to go.
Isaac: Three husbands? Now that's out of ordinary. Tell me more. Are you a widow or a divorcée?
(Madeline takes Isaac's note book.)
Isaac: Oh! Hey.
Madeline: You've never been married, have you?
Isaac: Give that back. And, no.
Madeline: Of course you haven't. If you'd been married, you wouldn't ask those questions so callously.
Isaac: I'm sorry, okay? Can I have it...
Madeline: I'm guessing you've never even been in love.
Isaac: That is not your business.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Madeline throws Isaac's note book through the opened door.)
Isaac: What....
Madeline: Maybe you should write your own story for once, instead of leeching off other people's pain.
Isaac: Nice to meet you, too, lady.
Cruella: Psst! Psst! I heard the whole thing. Are you really after a great story?
Isaac: Yes. Who are you?
Cruella: I'm a girl with a great story.
Isaac: All right. I'm all ears.
Cruella: I'm sorry. If you want to hear it, you're gonna have to get me out of here first.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Henry gets out of the school bus.)
Henry: Hey, Pongo. What are you doing here? You shouldn't be out here by yourself.
(Pongo runs, Henry follow it.)
Henry: Pongo! Pongo! Pongo! Okay. Come here, boy. Whoa. What's wrong? Calm down.
(Cruella parks her car.)
Cruella: Don't blame the dog, darling. He's simply following orders, and I told him to fetch.
Henry: What do you want?
Cruella: I want you to be a good boy and get in the car.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ London - Past ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cruella hears a noise and opens her window. She finds a key.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(In the garden.)
Cruella: This is amazing. How did you do that?
Isaac: I have my methods.
Cruella: And this key? I mean, my mother never lets it out of her sight.
Isaac: Do you wanna keep asking questions or do you wanna get out of here? I know a nice quiet spot we can talk.
Cruella: Well, I'd prefer somewhere loud.
Isaac: Loud? Why?
Cruella: I live in an attic, and my mother never allows me visitors or music or fun. I mean, she even ripped my favourite trumpet flowers out of the garden because she doesn't like the smell.
Isaac: All right, I get the picture. Wherever you wanna go, I can take you.
Cruella: That is your car?
Isaac: All four wheels.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Murray's.)
Cruella: This is just how I always imagined it. The music and the dances and... Gin. Ugh.
Isaac: You'll get used to the taste. Now from what I've seen so far, yours has all the makings of a classic Cinderella story. So tell me, why did she lock you up?
Cruella: Self-preservation. Mummy dear is afraid if I get out, I'll tell everyone her dirty little secret.
Isaac: What secret?
Cruella: Everyone believes that my father died of a heart attack, but I know the truth... Mother poisoned him.
Isaac: How do you know for sure?
Cruella: Any doubts I had were put to rest when husbands two and three were found belly-up.
Isaac: A Cinderella tale with a black widow twist. Now this is a great story.
Cruella: Oh, I love this song! Come on. Put your silly pen down and come and dance with me.
Isaac: Oh, no, no, no. I-I-I-I write stories. I don't... I don't dance in them. No.
Cruella: Come on. Oh!
Isaac: Your mother might be a murderess, but she's right about one thing. I spend too much time recording life and not enough time living it.
Cruella: Well, then tonight, let's live!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Regina is packing her stuff for her journey to New York.)
Emma: You sure going to New York is a good idea? You don't know what Zelena has planned. What if you're walking into a trap?
Regina: Robin's in trouble. I have no choice.
Emma: You don't have to go alone.
Regina: Don't worry about me. You have your hands full with the Author. I can handle one wicked sister.
Emma: Things are different in New York. Without your magic, y... Listen. If you won't take me with you, I want you to take this. I hope you don't have to use it, but... I want you to stay safe.
Regina: Thank you. So you're not... Angry with me for keeping your parents' secret?
Emma: It's between me and them. You were just trying to help.
Regina: It's Henry. Video message?
Emma: Must be a thing now. I got one, too.
(Mom, Mom, Cruella has me.)
Henry: If you ever wanna see me again, you have to do what she says.
Cruella: Hello, darlings! As you can see, I have your dreadful son. If you prefer him to remain in tact, you'll do exactly as I say... Kill the Author. Then, ah, bring me his broken little body, or... Your boy will meet a very unhappy ending. Hmm?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Mr Gold's cabin.)
Isaac: Finally. The joy of getting lost in a good book just isn't the same. Not after it happens to you literally.
Mr Gold: Stop talking. We haven't much time, now that you and Cruella have been reunited at last.
Isaac: Cruella? No, I-I-I don't even...
Mr Gold: Enough. You both lied to me about your past, and now those lies are coming to the surface.
Isaac: I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me. I-I didn't think it was... Relevant.
Mr Gold: Oh, it's not only relevant, it is essential to my plans. Cruella is so desperate to see you dead, she just kidnapped the saviour's son.
Isaac: How do you know that?
Mr Gold: Well, you have your tools. I have mine. I watched as Cruella gave the saviour a rather morbid choice... Either you die... Or her son dies.
Isaac: Now hang on. You said you need me to get the saviour to go dark. This is how you plan to do it? By having her kill me?!
Mr Gold: Relax. If you died, uh, the mantle of "the Author" simply passes on, perhaps to someone less willing to help me. No, no. I need you alive.
Isaac: Then why work with Cruella, if she wants me dead?
Mr Gold: A person obsessed with vengeance is easy to manipulate. She thought I believed her happy ending was reconciling with her mother. But I knew she was after something else... Your death. Now I wanna know why. I wanna precisely what you wrote about her, the exact words.
Isaac: You wanna know? Here. Read it for yourself. I'm better on the page, anyway.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ London - Past ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cruella and Isaac are still dancing.)
Cruella: I wish, I wish this would never end. Well, thank you. This was a night I shan't forget.
(I-I-I can make it even more memorable.)
Isaac: There's something I wanna show you.
(Isaac and Cruella are now sit at a table.)
Cruella: A pen?
Isaac: It's more than that. It's the most important thing I have. It's... Special. See, there's something about me I haven't told you.
Cruella: Well, whatever it is, don't worry. I mean, I've told you all my secrets. You can tell me anything.
Isaac: Okay. The truth is, I don't go across the country collecting stories for the paper. The places I go... Well... They're a lot farther apart. I-I travel across realms. Realms of storytelling.
Cruella: What?
Isaac: This place right here is one of them. It... It exists out of time. Tell me, what year is it?
Cruella: Oh. Um... Oh, who bothers with such trivial things?
Isaac: Exactly. We're not in a time. We're in a realm of story. There are many... Some beautiful, some horrific, and some just plain magical.
Cruella: I think you've had too much gin.
Isaac: I know how it sounds, but that's not even the craziest part. This pen and ink are enchanted with magic. They're so powerful, I can do more than just write people's stories. I can change them.
Cruella: Are you really serious?
Isaac: I can prove it. Look.
(Isaac writes and a necklace appears around Cruella's neck.)
Cruella: That's impossible. That's some kind of trick.
Isaac: Is it? How about a pair of diamond earrings to match?
(Earings appears too.)
Cruella: That pen and ink really are magic.
Isaac: Careful. They have to be used together. There's no telling what would happen if that ink spilled.
Cruella: And you can write anything?
Isaac: Yes. Don't you see? I can use it to whisk us away to someplace where your mother and her dogs can never find us. We can be together.
Cruella: Oh. If only it were that simple.
Isaac: It can be. What if I gave you magic, so no matter where you were, you'd be safe?
Cruella: You'd do that for me?
Isaac: Watch me.
Cruella: Oh. I think I... I think I can feel it working.
Isaac: Let's leave now. We can get in my car and just drive. We won't stop until we're far, far away.
Cruella: No. I have to face my mother first. She needs to know that she no longer has power over me.
Isaac: I can take you.
Cruella: No. I... I'm afraid it's something I have to do alone. And because of you, I can. Meet you at the hotel? And promise me you won't run off with any other lucky girl.
Isaac: I promise. Here. Take my car to be sure. It's yours now.
(Cruella leaves.)
Isaac: Until then.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Charming's family's loft.)
David: I recognize that trailhead marker. Cruella is holding Henry a couple of miles South of the toll bridge.
Hook: So what now?
Regina: Time to get our hands dirty and do whatever it takes to get him back.
David: You're not actually considering Cruella's demand to kill the Author?
Regina: Of course not. Even if we could find him, it wouldn't be half the fun of killing Cruella. Let's see how she likes being made into outerwear.
Mary Margaret: Regina!
Regina: What? It's Emma's heart we're trying to protect, not mine.
Emma: If we go in guns blazing, we risk hurting Henry. We have to find another way.
Hook: I've headed many rescue missions. It would be helpful to know the terrain more.
Emma: And where the Author is. If he's enemies with Cruella, maybe he knows the best way to defeat her.
Mary Margaret: Oh, we may be able to help with that.
David: We went back to the convent and found a flask that we gave him. He dropped it when he escaped. A locator spell might work on it.
Emma: Sounds like a perfect job for you two. I'll take Regina and Hook, and we'll scope out the area where Cruella's holed up with Henry.
Mary Margaret: Emma, I know you're still angry, but avoiding us is not going to help.
Emma: I'm not avoiding you. With Henry's life on the line, I need to be around people I trust, and right now, that's not you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Into the woods.)
Regina: You're acting like a petulant child. Your parents did a bad thing. They apologized. Now get over it.
Emma: Forgive me if I don't take advice from the woman who held a grudge for half her life because a 10-year-old spilled a secret.
Hook: Swan, if you won't listen to Regina, perhaps you'll listen to me. You were able to forgive both of us all because you found it in your heart to see past it.
Emma: The difference is that you never held yourself as some paragon of virtue. Neither of you did. You were honest about who you were. My parents weren't. They said they were heroes.
Hook: Even heroes make mistakes, love.
Regina: You know, not long ago, your mother gave me some advice. She said I needed to believe I could still earn forgiveness, that I had a chance at grace. I didn't realize it then, but... She was talking about herself. Emma, she's been trying to make up for what she did for a long time.
Emma: If you two understand them so well, you forgive them. I...Can't. More important things to worry about right now, like saving Henry.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cruella is playing a game.)
Cruella: Blasted birds. I'll show you what angry looks like.
(Henry finds a piece of glass and cut his tie. Henry runs away. Pongo barks.)
Cruella: Pongo, sic! Ugh.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ London - Past ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Somebody knocks on Isaac's hotel room, he opens the door.)
Isaac: Cruella!
Madeline: You. Where is she? Where is my daughter?
Isaac: I don't have to tell you anything.
Madeline: The dogs can smell her on you. Where's she gone? Why were you with her?!
Isaac: I was following your advice, living life instead of just writing about it. And now, thanks to Cruella, I won't ever be going back.
Madeline: You foolish boy. Stay. You should've gotten far away from her when you had the chance.
Isaac: Why? So your secret would remain buried? Yes, Cruella told me the truth about her father and the others, that you murdered them.
Madeline: She really did a number on you, didn't she? You'd think a newspaper man would know a tall tale when he heard one, because I didn't kill anyone. Don't you understand? It was Cruella.
Isaac: You expect me to believe that that angel I danced with tonight is a killer?
Madeline: I didn't want to believe it either. She was always a troubled little girl. Her father and I had hopes she'd grow out of it. Until one night, he was having his tea in the parlour when I heard a thump. I raced in to find him dead on the floor from a heart attack. Cruella, the poor dear, was there, paralyzed with shock. After the doctor left, my first thoughts went to her, what effect seeing her father die would have on an already disturbed mind. So I went up to try and comfort her. I expected to find her crying, but she wasn't. Instead, I-I saw a hint of a smile on her face. I thought I was imagining things, but then I saw the trumpet flowers on the bedside table.
Isaac: Her favourite flowers. The ones you ripped out because you hated the smell.
Madeline: I ripped them out because they were poisonous. She poisoned him.
Isaac: You're lying. If what you're saying is true, you would've gone to the authorities.
Madeline: How could I? She was my daughter, and I blamed myself. I thought if I kept her close that I could somehow fix her. But there's no fixing her. She poisoned the next two husbands as well.
Isaac: Get out of here... Before I call the police.
Madeline: You don't have to believe me. Just stay away from Cruella. She takes the things you care about and she destroys them.
(Madeline leaves.)
Isaac: It's just a bucket of fiction, that's all.
(Isaac opens his pencil box, his pen is missing.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Madeline gets back home.)
Madeline: Cruella?
Cruella: Hello, mother. I've been waiting for you.
Madeline: Dogs!
Cruella: Oh, that's not going to work anymore.
(Cruella uses her magic on the dogs.)
Madeline: What did you do to them?
Cruella: I simply taught them a new command... Kill.
(The dogs kill Madeline)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Henry runs away into the wood, Pong runs after him.)
Henry: Help me! Please! Help me! Help!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Emma hears Henry screaming.)
Emma: It's Henry. Quick, it's coming from over there.
Hook: No, it's this way.
Regina: Has Cannon fire damaged your hearing? It clearly came from over there.
Henry: No! No! Help me, please!
Emma: Split up. Go!
(On Regina's side.)
Henry: Somebody!
Regina: Henry?! Help me! Please!
Regina: No.
(Regina finds a shell.)
Henry: Help me, please!
(On Hook's side.)
Hook: Henry?!
Henry: Somebody! Help me!
Hook: Magic.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Henry runs to a cliff.)
Henry: Help me! Please, somebody... Pongo...
Cruella: Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? You shouldn't have run.
(Emma comes.)
Emma: Henry!
Henry: Mom!
Emma: Let him go!
Cruella: I'm afraid not. Come any closer, and he dies.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ London - Past ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cruella sews in her attic. Isaac enters.)
Isaac: Cruella? I've been looking everywhere for you. Where's your mother? Cruella!
Cruella: Well, thanks to you, she's dead, darling. Oh, you should've seen the look on her face when her beloved dogs turned on her. It's a memory I shall truly cherish.
Isaac: No. No.
Cruella: Oh, you needn't fear the dogs anymore. They're with mother now.
Isaac: How could you do this? I thought you cared about me.
Cruella: Well, that was the idea, darling. You were... What is the phrase? A means to an end.
Isaac: Why?
Cruella: That's the question on everybody's mind, isn't it? I wish I had an answer. Some people struggle not to be drawn into the darkness. Ever since I was a little girl, I've said, "why not splash in... And have fun?"
(Isaac gets back his pen to write. Cruella tries to stop him but ink spreads on her.)
Cruella: Aah! Aah! Drop that, you horrid little scribbler! You can't get it done in real life, so you scratch it out like a rat scrabbling in filth!
(Cruella takes a gun and tries to kill Isaac but fails.)
Cruella: Why can't I pull the trigger? What did you do?!
Isaac: I learned a lesson from you. Take what a person loves... And destroy it.
Cruella: You fool. You damned insane fool! I'm not done! I'm not done at all!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Storybrooke ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Mary Margaret and David enters in Mr Gold's cabin.)
Isaac: Oh! Don't come any closer! Stay back!
David: We're not gonna hurt you.
Mary Margaret: We just want some information.
Isaac: Unh-unh. I want some guarantees, because if I tell you everything, you just might kill the messenger.
Mary Margaret: You're safe. Trust us.
Isaac: Trust you? I've seen what you'll do to protect your daughter.
David: Uhh!
(David catches Isaac.)
Isaac: Aah! Ow! Hey! You said you wouldn't h...
David: What have you done with Emma?
Isaac: Nothing. I was just trying to protect the world from Cruella. I had no idea that Gold would use her like this. Even I couldn't see the end to the story.
Mary Margaret: What are you talking about? How does the story end?
Isaac: With the saviour... Turning dark.
(Isaac gives David a piece of paper.)
Mary Margaret: What is that?
Isaac: Something I wrote. The truth.
David: "Cruella De Vil can no longer take away the life of another."
Isaac: Do you see now? Henry's in no danger.
Mary Margaret: Cruella can't kill anyone. She's defenseless.
David: Emma doesn't know, which means Gold wants her to...
Mary Margaret: We have to stop this.
(They leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At the top of the cliff.)
Cruella: One small dead Author. That's all I asked. Simple revenge, and you failed utterly.
Emma: Put the gun down, Cruella.
Henry: Mom.
Emma: It's gonna be okay, Henry.
Cruella: I'll do it, saviour. Believe me, I will.
(Emma threats Cruella.)
Cruella: Put your hands down, saviour. We both know you're bluffing.
Emma: That's my son.
Cruella: And you're a hero, and heroes don't kill.
(Emma pushes Cruella away, she falls and dies.)
Cruella: Aah!
Emma: Henry?
Henry: Mom.
(Emma hugs Henry. Mary Margaret and David arrives.)
David: No, no.
Mary Margaret: Emma? | Plan: A: unnecessary details; Q: What should be removed from this episode's plot summary? A: April 2017; Q: When was "The Apprentice" aired? A: Maleficent's daughter; Q: What is Lily's relationship to Maleficent? A: a trip; Q: What does Emma embark on to find Lily? A: Regina; Q: Who intervenes to prevent Emma from going dark? A: the now-adult Lily; Q: Who did Emma meet up with? A: revenge; Q: What is Lily plotting to seek on Mary Margaret and David? A: a showoff; Q: What did Emma and Lily have when they met up? A: New York; Q: Where did Emma and Lily race to warn Robin Hood? A: Marian; Q: Who did Zelena kill? A: Robin Hood's; Q: Whose child is Zelena pregnant with? A: Storybrooke; Q: Where does Gold enlist Will to steal Belle's heart back? A: Gold; Q: Who enlists Will to steal Belle's heart back? A: his blessing; Q: What does Gold give to Will to take care of Belle? A: 1999; Q: In what year did Emma run into Lily again? A: whose presence; Q: What does Lily threaten Emma's new life with her foster family? A: the stolen money; Q: What is found that causes Emma to be thrown out of her foster home? A: the home; Q: Where is Emma thrown out of when she is discovered to be a thief? A: friends; Q: What does Lily want to remain with Emma? A: Apprentice; Q: Who reveals Lily's past to Emma? A: the Enchanted Forest; Q: Where did the Sorcerer reveal that Lily and Emma's fates are intertwined? Summary: This episode's plot summary may be too long or excessively detailed. Please help improve it by removing unnecessary details and making it more concise. (April 2017) (Learn how and when to remove this template message) Upon learning that her former childhood friend Lily is also Maleficent's daughter, Emma embarks on a trip to find her, and Regina joins her in her mission to warn Robin Hood about Zelena. When Emma finally meets up with the now-adult Lily, it turns out Lily has been plotting to seek revenge on Mary Margaret and David, leading to a showoff between Emma and Lily, and prompting Regina to intervene before Emma goes dark. The two make up and race off to New York to warn Robin Hood, but it is too late, as Zelena has not only killed Marian, but is now pregnant with Robin Hood's child. Meanwhile, back in Storybrooke, Gold enlists Will to steal Belle's heart back. After completing the task, Gold reveals that if his heart continues to darken, he will eventually die, and then gives his blessing to Will to take care of Belle. Back in 1999 Minnesota, Emma runs into Lily again, whose presence could threaten Emma's new life with her foster family. When it's discovered that Lily is a thief and the stolen money is found, Emma is thrown out of the home, and comes across Lily once again, who wants to remain friends, but Emma turns her down. Lily's past would later be revealed by the Apprentice, who shows up to explain Lily's past to her, as the Sorcerer reveals back in the Enchanted Forest that their fates are intertwined. |
TIME AND THE RANI
PART ONE
Run time: 24:44
[SCENE_BREAK]
PRE-TITLE SEQUENCE
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. EXT. SPACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(From the centre of a vast galaxy, the TARDIS appears, spinning on its way to another destination. A sudden beam of a intense energy hits the top of the TARDIS causing an explosion. The time machine starts to tumble and roll through space. The beams continue to bombard the TARDIS as it falls.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Doctor and Mel are lying prone on the floor of the console room. The TARDIS console room is moving about violently. The exercise bike has fallen over. Another lurch sends the TARDIS tool box over on to its side.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Lakertya is a bleak-looking planet covered in rock. From a certain cluster of rocks appears the figure of a man. His name is Ikona and he is a native of Lakertya. He is tall and lean. He wears a long orange tunic with yellow sleeves. On his head he wears a strange turban-like covering from which protrudes a vast mane of yellow and black streaked hair. He climbs to the top of the rise as though he is looking for something. His attention is distracted by a cacophony of sound from the sky. A beam of light flashes through the sky, it contains many colours. In the beam is the shape of the TARDIS. The TARDIS appears on the planet surface with a thump.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM
[SCENE_BREAK]
(All is still within the TARDIS. The Doctor and Mel remain unconscious on the floor, oblivious to what is about to take place. The silence is interrupted by the sound of the exterior doors opening. Through the doors comes the Rani, an exiled Time Lady. She is wearing an expensive-looking scarlet outfit. In her hand is a long weapon which she used to bring the TARDIS down to Lakertya. She is accompanied by an unseen figure.)
RANI: Leave the girl; it's the man I want. Take him to my laboratory.
(She turns around and exits the console room. The lumbering form of her associate makes his way in the direction of the prone Doctor. Her associate is covered all over with long fur. On his back are some wings folded out of the way. Once over the Doctor, he leans down and rolls the Time Lord on to his back. As he turns over, the Doctor's face is a mess of distortion, his features have twisted out of recognition. The once familiar sight of blonde curly hair gives way for short brown wavy hair. The Doctor regenerates into his next body. His seventh body.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7th DOCTOR TITLE SEQUENCE
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. EXT. THE RANI'S CITADEL
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Amongst the rocky landscape of Lakertya stand the giant buttresses of the entrance to the Rani's citadel. The Citadel is buried deep inside the rocks. On the top of the rocky exterior is the inverted form of a pyramid. At its centre is housed the ramp from which a rocket can be fired.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. INT. THE ARCADE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Native Lakertyan Sarn, a young female, is carefully positioning the unconscious form of German scientist Albert Einstein into a bedded cabinet. Her father, Beyus, is watching over her. The Rani enters from her laboratory into the arcade of cabinets housing various geniuses that she has collected to aid her in her scheme.)
RANI: Sarn, stop dithering. Collecting this one has already put me behind schedule.
SARN: I don't want to harm him.
RANI: Seal it and label it.
(Sarn presses a button and the bed on which Einstein lays recedes in to the alcove. A glass door closes in front of it, locking him inside. Sarn turns and looks at the Rani.)
RANI: Well, what are you waiting for?
BEYUS: You haven't given a name for the label.
RANI: Einstein.
(Sarn taps the name into the keypad and the name "Einstein" appears on the label over the bed.)
RANI: Insolence could cost your people dearly, Beyus.
SARN: I'm sure Beyus did not mean to appear insolent. He would never do that.
RANI: I find your company more than enough without listening to your puerile opinions.
BEYUS: Then why not let Sarn go. You have me as a hostage, you don't need her.
RANI: I shall decide my needs; they unfortunately require the use of Lakertyans.
(The Rani walks away from Beyus and Sarn and goes to another Cabinet further along the arcade.)
BEYUS: You leave me with no illusions about the hatred you hold for us.
RANI: Hatred? Another fantasy. I have no feelings one way or the other. Outside of these experiments you simply have no significance.
BEYUS: I find your detachment difficult to understand.
(The Rani moves from the Cabinet over to Beyus.)
RANI: All you need understand is that these specimens are geniuses, every one of them. And unless they're kept in prime condition, you'll have more than the miserable skin of this creature to worry about.
(The Rani moves from them to the door to the Laboratory.)
BEYUS: Have you managed to procure the means to repair your laboratory equipment?
RANI: Oh yes, indeed I have.
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. INT. THE RANI'S CITADEL. THE LABORATORY
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Laboratory is very large with a door to the arcade to the left and an exit door to the right. At the back of the room is a flight of stairs leading up to a sealed chamber. In the centre is a raised area with a pyramid-shaped piece of equipment at each corner. In the centre is the control desk on which the Doctor lies unconscious.)
(The Rani walks into the laboratory and goes to the Doctor. He is lying across the centre table/scanner screen. She places her hand on his chest to test his hearts. She then moves towards the flight of stairs at the rear. She presses a button and a door opens. She is about to ascend when the Doctor begins to stir.)
DOCTOR: Oh no, Mel.
(She closes the door again and returns to the Doctor at the centre table/control desk. With a start he jumps bolt upright from his prone position.)
DOCTOR: Ah, that was a nice nap. Now down to business.
(He jumps down from the table.)
DOCTOR: I'm a bit worried about the temporal flicker in sector thirteen. There's a bicentennial refit of the TARDIS to book in. I must just pop over to Centauri Seven and then perhaps a quick holiday. Right, that all seems quite clear. Just three small points. Where am I? Who am I? And who are you?
(The Doctor spins around on the soles of his feet to face the Rani on the other side of the table. She stands there impassively.)
DOCTOR: The Rani! Stay back!
(He grabs his umbrella from off the table and backs away from her but in doing so he trips on the stairs behind him and tumbles backwards.)
RANI: This is idiotic; you'll injure yourself.
(She moves around the table to help him up but he resists her help and jumps to his feet holding the umbrella up menacingly.)
DOCTOR: Why should you care? Since you were exiled from Gallifrey, you've had nothing but contempt for all of the Time Lords.
RANI: My contempt started long before my exile.
DOCTOR: And what d'you want with me? And where's Mel?
RANI: She's perfectly safe. But how long she remains so depends on you.
DOCTOR: You're up to something. Perhaps I'll find the answer on this.
(He quickly moves away from her around to the other side of the table and activates the control. The screen comes alive and shows the planet Lakertya.)
RANI: You won't recognise the planet. It's Lakertya and there's no evidence that it's ever been graced by your meddling presence.
(The screen shows an image of the planet with an asteroid spinning around in orbit. Alien script crosses over the image.)
DOCTOR: You're trying to deflect me. So the answer is on here. Quarks. One up, one down. One... Strange Matter? That asteroid is composed of Strange Matter. What monstrous experiment are you dabbling in now?
RANI: I didn't go to the trouble of bringing you here just to discuss the ethics of my work.
DOCTOR: Ethics? Don't be such a hypocrite. Your past is littered with the mutilated results of your unethical experiments.
RANI: I had all I can take of that cant in our university days. Am I expected to abandon my research because of the side effects on inferior species. Are you prepared to abandon walking in case you squash an insect under foot?
(She takes a large syringe-like gun from a compartment in the table. She advances menacingly around the table towards the Doctor. He backs away around on the Doctor but he circles the other way.)
DOCTOR: Stay away. Whatever you've brought me here for, I'm having no part of it.
(Not looking where he is going, the Doctor again stumbles and comes to rest at the feet of Sarn who has entered the laboratory with her Father, Beyus. Sarn bends down to help him.)
RANI: Leave him there.
SARN: He may be hurt.
BEYUS: Sarn, don't interfere.
(Sarn continues to fuss over the Doctor but the Rani takes her by the arm causing her to stop.)
RANI: I'll deal with you latter.
(Terrified, Sarn runs from the laboratory and the Rani turns to address Beyus.)
RANI: And that's the last time she will interfere.
(The Doctor quickly jumps up and runs over to one of the Rani's pyramid-shaped machines filled with some kind of liquid. He raises his umbrella to smash it.)
DOCTOR: Stay away or I'll smash this!
RANI: Urak!
DOCTOR: I'll smash it to pieces!!
RANI: Urak!! Get in here!!
(Urak enters the Laboratory from the Arcade holding a net gun. He walks towards the Doctor, who just stands staring at the monster. Urak fires his gun and, in a shower of sparks, it discharges a net which falls on the Doctor. The gun renders the Doctor unconscious. He falls to the ground. The Rani moves in, looking pleased.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The native Lakertyan, Ikona, stands investigating the exterior of the TARDIS. He looks around unsure, then opening the door he moves inside the box.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Inside the console room, Mel is still lying unconscious at the base of the console. Ikona stands over her and, seeing her form, he bends down, picks her up and slings her over his shoulder. Looking around the interior dimensions, he takes in its size before exiting the ship.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. EXT. THE RANI'S CITADEL ENTRANCE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Beyus daughter, Sarn, flees through the imposing entrance to the Rani's base and out on to the Lakertyan surface.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. INT. THE RANI'S LABORATORY
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Rani stands over the unconscious form of the 7th Doctor. Her wristwatch communicator starts to bleep. She brings it up to her mouth to speak.)
RANI: Urak. What's happening?
URAK: The female, Sarn, has escaped, Mistress Rani (Voice heard from his wrist communicator).
RANI: She won't get far.
(She moves away from the Doctor's body to activate the viewer screen on the table. The image appears to show Sarn running quickly over the rocky surface.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Sarn runs across the rocky landscape - her arms straight, stretched out behind her in a style of run that all her people have. At another place further along the path, Ikona is walking along with an unconscious Mel slung over his shoulder. She begins to regain consciousness and struggles from his grip. Not expecting her resistance, he falls to the ground and she makes her getaway. She runs along the path and comes face to face with Sarn. Sarn is terrified and runs off in panic. Her panic causes her to trip a wire. The wire causes an explosion. Suddenly a bubble of energy forms around her. The bubble starts to ascend into the sky. She screams frantically as the bubble spins randomly. It catches the side of a rock. There is an explosion and the bubble is sent flying in another direction. The direction it heads in is directly into a rock face. The bottom of the bubble detonates causing the bubble to explode. Sarn is no more. Mel has seen the whole thing and moves over to where Ikona is standing in shock. She reaches out to offer a hand of sympathy but he pushes it back at her. He moves forward and crouches down to where the skeletal remains of Sarn lie. Tears form in his eye.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. INT. RANI'S CITADEL. LABORATORY
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Rani's scanner shows the dead form of Sarn. She activates her wrist communicator and talks to Urak.)
RANI: See that the trap is reset.
URAK: Certainly. Your powers are truly wondrous, Mistress Ra...
(She cuts him short by turning off her wrist communicator. She looks up to see Beyus standing at the entrance to the lab from the Arcade.)
BEYUS: What's happened?
RANI: It need not concern you. Roll up his sleeve.
(She and Beyus move in on the Doctor's unconscious form. She holds a large gun-like device in her hands, from which protrudes a large needle.)
BEYUS: Why are you doing this?
RANI: To make sure he suffers a healthy dose of amnesia when he wakes.
BEYUS: Amnesia?
RANI: That's what I said.
(She inserts the large needle into his arm and activates the injection.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Ikona is bending over Sarn's skeletal body with Mel at his shoulder. He gets up and pushes her away.)
IKONA: Go on, run. Run! The areas swarming with traps as well you know.
MEL: Me? Why should I? This is insane.
IKONA: Don't play the innocent. Your friends set this trap.
MEL: Look it's all very well being upset...
IKONA: Upset!? Another of your obscene murders takes place...
MEL: Stop accusing me. This had nothing to do with me.
IKONA: Lies! If I didn't need you as a hostage, you'd be dead.
MEL: A hostage? For what?
IKONA: To exchange for our leader. Your friends took him prisoner.
MEL: Why d'you keep calling them friends of mine.
IKONA: They arrived from outer space as you did. Now they can have you back... on my terms.
(Ikona grabs Mel by the arms and forces her to move on ahead of him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. INT. RANI'S CITADEL. LABORATORY
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Doctor is lying on the floor of the laboratory. He opens his eyes as he comes around. He rolls his eyes and looks around him.)
DOCTOR: Where am I? Who are you?
(He sees the back of a woman with long red curly hair and a pink exercise outfit. The woman turns around and it is the Rani dressed up in disguise as the Doctor's companion Mel.)
RANI: Mel. Melanie. Are you alright, Doctor?
(She moves forward and helps to pull the Doctor up onto his feet. He is somewhat unsteady.)
DOCTOR: Alright? am I? Of course. And you?
RANI: Me? Yes, of course, why not. (She pulls away so that he doesn't get too close.)
DOCTOR: Why not indeed. We both are.
(The Doctor tumbles into the centre control desk and grabs the gun-like device that the Rani used to cause the TARDIS to crash land on Lakertya. The Rani is concerned.)
DOCTOR: A bull in a barber shop. A navigational guidance system distorter. This would force any passing spaceship into landing here. Where are we, by the way?
RANI: In your laboratory, on Lakertya. Doctor, are you sure you're well?
DOCTOR: Of course. Fit as a trombone.
RANI: Fiddle.
DOCTOR: What?
RANI: Fit as a fiddle.
DOCTOR: Are you? Nerves, I expect. Now let's see, what were we up to? Mel, did you say your name was?
RANI: You don't remember me, do you? Do you?
DOCTOR: Red hair. I recall red hair.
(He touches her hair to investigate but she pulls away and looks in a mirror on one of the pyramid structures. As she tidies her own hair - the wig, the Doctor catches a glimpse of his own new reflection.)
DOCTOR: Ah, who's that?
RANI: Me.
DOCTOR: No, standing next to you.
RANI: That's you, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Me? No wonder I've lost my memory.
RANI: Look, you're supposed to be conducting an experiment, not frightening yourself to death.
DOCTOR: An experiment?
(The Rani/Mel takes hold of the Doctor's arm and guides him around to the exploded machinery housed in a pyramid. It has a charred surface.)
RANI: Yes. It exploded and threw you to the floor, me too. Knocked us both cold. When I came round you looked like this.
DOCTOR: The explosion must have caused me to regenerate.
RANI: You mean this is what you're going to be like permanently.
DOCTOR: I want all mirrors removed from the TARDIS, henceforth.
RANI: So you remember the TARDIS?
DOCTOR: Oh yes, the TARDIS. And you... Mel. There's something out of sync. I must be suffering from post-regeneration amnesia.
RANI: Oh don't worry. It'll soon wear off. Meanwhile, why not repair the machine. You said it was important.
DOCTOR: Important? Did I? I wonder what I was up to.
(The Doctor removes the charred cover from off the machine to take a closer inspection. The Rani/Mel takes it from him and places it against the wall.)
DOCTOR: No, seems pretty far gone. Need a genius to repair it.
RANI: But you're a genius.
(He moves away, losing interesting, but the Rani/Mel's words cause him to return rather self-satisfied.)
DOCTOR: Oh yes, I definitely remember that.
RANI: Especially in thermodynamics.
DOCTOR: How did you know that, Mel?
RANI: But you told me, you said it was your specialist subject when you were at university.
(He stares thoughtfully in her direction, trying to place who she reminds him of. The Rani/Mel looks worried.)
DOCTOR: University? You remind me of someone I used to know... when I was there.
(The Rani/Mel breaks his concentration and pulls him back over to the exploded pyramid machine.)
RANI: Doctor, this machine has to be repaired and you're the only person with the knowledge to do it.
DOCTOR: Your confidence in me is very flattering, Mel.
(The Rani/Mel picks up another cover from the charred machine and moves it out of the way to rest with the other one.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Ikona drags Mel along down the side of a steep incline. He has bound her hands. Both of them slip and slide at regular intervals.)
MEL: Will you listen? How many more times do I have to tell you? I'm not your enemy. Look, can we start from scratch? My name's Mel and I come from Earth. Your turn.
IKONA: This is no game.
MEL: Alright, let's try another tack. You claim I was alone when you found me.
IKONA: Oh, don't go on about this Doctor again.
MEL: I have to.
IKONA: There was no one else in the strange box. If he exists, he must have left you.
MEL: No way! The Doctor wouldn't do that.
IKONA: If he had any sense he would.
MEL: It's not even up for discussion.
IKONA: Good, I shall enjoy the silence.
MEL: Watch out!
(Mel pulls Ikona away just in time as he trips the wire on one of the Rani's bubble traps. There is an explosion and one of the bubbles forms. It ascends into the sky and spins off to the side, catches a rock and finally explodes.)
MEL: Now will you accept that I'm not your enemy.
IKONA: We must hurry. The Tetraps will come to investigate.
(Ikona starts to untie Mel's hands.)
MEL: Oh, what made you think I was in league with them?
IKONA: You're not Lakertyan. You don't belong on this planet.
MEL: Then they're human, like me?
IKONA: No not like you. Although almost as hideous.
(He brushes himself down and moves off with Mel following. They are observed from on high from Urak, her clawed hand grasping a rock.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. INT. THE RANI'S CITADEL. LABORATORY
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Doctor is working away at the damaged machinery whilst the Rani (impersonating Mel) watches over his shoulder.)
DOCTOR: Come on, come on.
RANI: Come on where?
DOCTOR: Why I chose you as an assistant I'll never know. Perhaps I will when I've regained my memory.
RANI: Well, what is it you want?
DOCTOR: Well look at me, can't you see. Mop my brow.
(The Rani produces a handkerchief from her sleeve and does as he requests. Once she has done that she looks away, trying to stifle her irritation. The Doctor continues his work but then sees some spoon-shaped items and reaches to take hold of them. A mischievous grin comes over his face and he starts to play them, first on his knee and then moves over to play them across the Rani's chest. In anger she lashes out and they go flying across the room.)
DOCTOR: What did you do that for?
RANI: It was your fault.
DOCTOR: A bad workman always blames his fools.
RANI: Tools!!! Blames his Tools!!!
DOCTOR: Do I detect a hint of bad temper, Mel? Why are you behaving so uppity? Could it be that you think yourself superior to me.
RANI: How could I possibly think that, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Quite. Though at the moment I feel far from superior. This is all a mystery to me.
(He starts to move over to the centre of the room away from her side to gain a better view of his surroundings.)
RANI: But surely there's a catalyst?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, yes. Must you state the obvious? I know that its functions defuse the impulses from there with this goo. But what's it for? I'm beginning to think this set-ups got nothing to do with me.
RANI: Why d'you think that?
DOCTOR: Omnipotence. The mind behind this bag of tricks operates on a grand scale.
RANI: Well, all the more reason to suppose that it's you, Doctor.
(She walks over to him and purposefully leads him back to the damaged machinery so that he can continue with his repair work.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Mel and Ikona are making there way across the rocky landscape. Mel stops and clings on to a large boulder as a support.)
MEL: Hold on. I need a breather.
IKONA: We must keep moving.
MEL: What happened to the rest of your people? Won't they help?
IKONA: No, they've been completely subdued.
MEL: We could at least try.
IKONA: The only one they'd listen to is Beyus our leader.
MEL: Well let's go to him.
IKONA: He's the hostage I wanted to exchange you for. Ssshhh. Listen. Quickly!
MEL: We can't go that way, it's completely exposed.
IKONA: For once don't argue.
(The pair of them run hastily into the open and across a shallow patch of water. They come to rest inside a large pipe they buries itself into the rock face.)
IKONA: Hopefully they'll think we doubled back to stay undercover.
MEL: Always providing they don't flush us out first.
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. INT. THE RANI'S CITADEL. THE LABORATORY
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Doctor is standing at the back of the lab pointing up at the sealed chamber. The Rani/Mel is sitting on the centre control desk swinging her legs in mock innocence.)
DOCTOR: What's in there?
RANI: I have no idea.
(In anger, the Doctor storms over to where she is feigning ignorance.)
DOCTOR: Are you as clueless as you appear, Mel?
RANI: Don't blame me, Doctor. I've never been inside, you wouldn't let me.
DOCTOR: Wouldn't I?
RANI: No. You said the air wasn't sterile enough for humans.
DOCTOR: That's it then, I'm doing nothing until my memory returns. Nothing until I know what I'm about.
(He sits down on some steps defiantly. The Rani/Mel moves over to join him.)
RANI: Oh come on now.
DOCTOR: No, I will not work in the dark like this.
RANI: But you thrive on challenge.
DOCTOR: I'm adamant. This could be of some diabolical scheme.
RANI: To do what?
DOCTOR: That's the question.
RANI: Oh, Doctor, really.
(The Rani/Mel gets up and walks back over to the centre control desk. She takes out a phial. Then her expression changes to be quite threatening.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. INT. THE RANI'S CITADEL. THE TETRAP EYRIE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Beyus moves to a grill in the flow with a hooked metal pole in his hand. He uses the pole to lift up a metal grating that leads down to the Tetrap lair. He walks cautiously down the steps and peers into the darkness. He pulls a metal change which releases a milky mixture down a slope into a large container. The Tetraps start to stir in the darkness and rush forward for there food. Beyus exits hastily and closes the metal grating behind him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. INT. THE RANI'S CITADEL. THE LABORATORY
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Rani/Mel pours some water into a glass and empties a mixture from the phial into it. She swills the glass around so that the mixture dissolves.)
RANI: You're just over-excited. Here, drink this.
DOCTOR: What is it?
RANI: Just water.
DOCTOR: Oh, you drink. I don't want it. Don't try to humour me. Leave me alone.
RANI: You can't just loll around; it's simply not like you.
DOCTOR: How d'you know what I'm like. I've regenerated. I mean, look at me, look at me.
RANI: Yes, you've changed outwardly. But I'm sure deep down you still have the same sweet nature.
DOCTOR: Perhaps this is my new persona; sulky, bad-tempered. I mean, think how I spoke to you earlier.
RANI: But you didn't mean it, I was at fault.
DOCTOR: Even so, that's probably how I am now. You don't understand regeneration, Mel. It's a lottery and I've drawn the short plank. Anyway, I need a radiation wave meter and, brilliant as I am, even I can't improvise that.
RANI: What about the TARDIS? Won't there be a radiation wave meter there?
DOCTOR: The TARDIS? D'you know where it is?
RANI: Yes. Of course.
DOCTOR: Oh good, I fancy a breath of fresh air. We'll both go.
(The Doctor jumps up from his seating position and makes his way across the laboratory before the Rani/Mel has time to react.)
RANI: Oh wait.
(The Doctor rushes out from the Laboratory leaving the Rani/Mel alone. She activates her wrist communicator to speak to Urak.)
RANI: Urak?
URAK: (from the wrist communicator) Yes, Mistress.
RANI: Remove the girl from the TARDIS immediately.
URAK: She is not there, Mistress.
RANI: Well then find her, you incompetent fool.
(The Doctor re-enters the Lab but doesn't hear her conversation. The Rani/Mel quickly composes herself.)
DOCTOR: Are you coming, Mel?
RANI: Yes, Doctor, coming.
(She puts on an innocent expression and follows him out through the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE. THE PIPE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Urak leaps down on to the ground from a rock. All the time his four eyes are surveying the landscape for any sign of Mel and Ikona. Meanwhile, Mel and Ikona are hidden out of sight in the pipe. Mel slowly ventures forward toward the pipe exit but Ikona is more cautious.)
MEL: No one about. Come on.
IKONA: No! It's too soon.
MEL: Not for me. I'm going to find the Doctor.
IKONA: If he's been captured he's as good as dead.
[SCENE_BREAK]
23. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE. SARN'S SKELETON & TARDIS EXTERIOR
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Whilst making their way across the rocky landscape, the Doctor spots the skeletal remains of Sarn. He stops to have a look and the Rani/Mel joins him.)
DOCTOR: Rather unusual species. Can't say I recognise it. Humanoid with reptilian influences. Wouldn't you say, Mel?
RANI: Lakertyan. A race so indolent they can't be bothered to bury their dead.
DOCTOR: Really?
RANI: Yes.
DOCTOR: I suppose we've explored this planet. I wish I could remember.
RANI: There's not a lot to remember. The benevolent climate has induced lethargy. They've failed to realise their full potential.
DOCTOR: Rather a harsh judgment, Mel.
RANI: Not mine. Yours.
(The Rani/Mel walks away to the nearby TARDIS leaving the Doctor alone.)
DOCTOR: The more I know me, the less I like me.
(The Doctor gives a sad little wave to the skeleton before moving off in pursuit of the Rani. He catches up with her outside the TARDIS. He gets his key from his pocket and opens the door. They enter.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE. THE PIPE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Mel and Ikona are crouched in the pipe out of sight.)
MEL: All right, I'll find him without you. One thing about the Doctor, you can't miss him in that outfit.
(Mel jumps up and moves out of the pipe. Ikona makes a move to prevent her but fails to pull her back.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
25. INT. TARDIS. WARDROBE ROOM
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Doctor discards his old multi-coloured coat in an open treasure chest. He moves to stand in front of the mirror. He is wearing the kind of outfit that Napoleon would have worn.)
DOCTOR: No, I think not. Lacks my natural humility.
(He removes the hat and moves out of sight behind a clothes rail only to reappear wearing a Bearskin hat.)
DOCTOR: Doesn't look right without a horse. I need something more dignified, Timelord-ish.
(He moves onward amongst the rails and disappears again only to reappear wearing a mortar board and cape. He moves to where the Rani/Mel is standing.)
DOCTOR: A little portentous perhaps, Mel.
(He moves away from her to find further items of clothing to try on.)
RANI: Pretentious is the word.
(He reappears wearing a long coat and scarf with a felt hat.)
DOCTOR: Old hat.
(Tossing the hat away, he moves off only to return moments later wearing a version of the clothes he wore in his third incarnation - velvet smoking jacket and frilly shirt.)
DOCTOR: Not frilled.
(The Rani/Mel shakes her head in frustration and the Doctor moves off to reappear wearing a cricketer's outfit as worn by his fifth incarnation.)
DOCTOR: How's that. Would that bowl the maiden over?
(The Rani despairs even more. He disappears again and this time he reappears wearing the enormous fur coat that he sometimes wore in his second body. He pulls the coat apart to reveal the clothing he has settled on: check trouser, white shirt, pull-over and a cream jacket topped off with a rather battered panama hat. The Rani/Mel moves forward to encourage him to stick with this outfit.)
RANI: Yes, yes, yes. Very elegant.
DOCTOR: Ah thank goodness in this regeneration I've regained my impeccable sense of Haute couture.
RANI: If you've finished preening, could we please get what we came for?
(Whilst looking in the mirror to admire his new outfit, he notices that there is something amiss with Mel - he turns to look her in the face - as he does so her face distorts and he briefly sees the face of someone else much younger - the face of the real Mel. The Rani/Mel slaps him across the face to break his concentration. She sends him tumbling into the large mirror.)
RANI: I'm sorry but you seemed to be losing control.
DOCTOR: I was hallucinating. I had an overwhelming sense of evil. And there was a word, Ra... Ra... Ran... Rad...
RANI: Radiation wave meter, that's what we came here for.
DOCTOR: Oh yes. Where d'you reckon I'd keep it?
RANI: Tool room.
DOCTOR: Won't be a jiffy. Absence makes the nose grow longer.
(The Doctor moves off out of the room and the Rani watches him go before making her way to the console room.)
RANI: Cretin.
[SCENE_BREAK]
26. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Mel is making it on her own apart from Ikona. The path is quite treacherous but she is concentrating greatly. Ikona is following her at a discreet distance so that he isn't seen by anyone, namely a Tetrap. Mel doesn't notice that she is being followed by Urak whose claw appears over a rock behind her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
27. INT. TARDIS. CONSOLE ROOM
[SCENE_BREAK]
(The Rani enters the console room just as her wrist communicator starts to bleep. She activates it and brings it to her mouth to speak into it.)
RANI: Yes, Urak. What is it?
URAK: (Voice heard from her communicator) I have found the lost girl, Mistress.
RANI: Focus in on her.
URAK: (Voice heard from her communicator) Certainly, Mistress Rani.
(The Rani activates a control on the console and the doors over the scanner screen open to reveal an image of Mel clambering over the rocks. The Doctor bursts into the console room from the inner corridor, carrying the tool they went to the TARDIS to collect.)
DOCTOR: Rani, that's the name, the evil name.
RANI: Is that her, Doctor?
(The Rani points at the scanner screen that shows Mel. The Doctor turns to look.)
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, it must be. Yes.
RANI: And she's evil.
DOCTOR: Completely.
RANI: Then she must be destroyed.
DOCTOR: Destroyed? Let's not be hasty.
(The Doctor turns to look once again at the scanner screen. A knowing smile crosses the Rani's face and she turns to see Mel clambering over the rocks.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28. EXT. LAKERTYAN SURFACE
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Mel finally reaches the bottom of the steep slope. She hears a noise behind her and catches the sight of something in the corner of her eye. Sensing that it is not something she wants to be found by, she breaks into a run. Urak remains at a discreet distance but still follows her. Running at speed, Mel fails to notice the tripwire at her feet. She trips, triggering an explosion, and a bubble of energy forms around her. She lets out a terrified scream. The bubble starts to ascend into the sky. It rises up and over a cliff face. As it makes its descent, it catches the side of the rock face causing an explosion. This causes the bubble to spin further downwards. Mel screams helplessly as the bubble spins her to her death...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lakertya
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mel: Doctor! Help!
Mel: Help! | Plan: A: memory problems; Q: What does the Doctor wake up with after regeneration? A: Mel; Q: Who helps the Doctor after he wakes up with memory problems? A: his important project; Q: What is Mel telling the Doctor about? A: another Mel; Q: Who is helping a planet's resident after he mistakes her for one of the Rani's assistants? Summary: The Doctor wakes after regeneration with memory problems, he is helped by Mel who is telling him about his important project that he has been working on but does not remember. Meanwhile, another Mel is assisting one of the inhabitants of the planet after he mistakes her for one of the Rani's assistants. |
Title: "To Have and to Hold" 49th Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 3ADA06
[SCENE_BREAK]
[3 days, 6 hours and 24 mins till wedding]
[Alarm ringing]
[alarm stops]
[wedding music playing]
[sighs]
[gasps]
ISABEL: I gotta go.
[Isabel arrives at the Crashdown]
MARIA: Good morning.
ISABEL: Don't you open at 6:30? It's 6:42. I'm gonna need a poppy-seed bagel, cream cheese, Tabasco, and a lot of coffee. Oh, my god, where is that phone number?
[Beeping]
ISABEL: yeah, hi. Is this zippy print in Dallas? My name is Isabel Evans. I ordered 150 wedding place cards last week. Right. Well, they were supposed to be overnighted to me yesterday. So where are they? Look, buddy, your labor problems are not my labor problems. What's your name? All right, Ed, I'd like to speak to your manager.
[Crickets chirping- it is now nighttime and the Crashdown is closing]
MARIA: good night.
ISABEL: Well, I ordered the floral arrangements 3 days ago. I still need them here by Friday. No, I don't want a refund, I want them here on time or else. Trust me, you don't want to know what that means. Flowers. Friday. Or else.
[Beep]
LIZ: more pie?
ISABEL: No. Liz, thank you. I'm sorry for being such a bitch today.
LIZ: No, just don't even worry about it. I don't even know what I would be like 3 days before my wedding.
MARIA: How 'bout me? Imagine the stress involved getting married to Michael?
[Liz laughs]
[sighs]
LIZ: well, I mean, are you? Are you nervous at all? Not about the wedding, but about, you know, getting married? It's for the rest of your life.
ISABEL: Honestly, no.
[Sighs]
MARIA: You're that sure?
ISABEL: I guess I am.
MARIA: Hmm. I really respect that.
[Chuckles]
ISABEL: thanks.
MARIA: I mean, here I am, totally in love with this amazing guy, but to marry him? Please!
LIZ: Oh, god, I know. Could you imagine? What if I had to marry Max?
[Liz and Maria's voices fade away. Isabel sees herself standing near giant windows with curtains billowing in the wind. A man walks up to her, and they kiss. She wakes up suddenly]
LIZ: are you ok?
ISABEL: Yeah, I'M...Fine. I'm fine.
[Kyle is working on a tour bus at the garage]
[Power tool buzzing]
KARTER: well? Well? Well? Come on, I need an answer.
KYLE: I'm still looking!
KARTER: Not talking to you. Hello? I I'm talking to you, Phil. Make sure the same time slots are gonna be open for us Saturday. Yeah, well, you'll find out. Ok, so what's the deal? Ok? Hello, I'm talking to you now, Gomer. What's wrong with the bus?
KYLE: Well, Mr. Karter-
KARTER: no, no, no. No mister, no last name, no first name, just Karter with a "k".
KYLE: Ok, look, I don't know what the problem is yet, so why don't you and the band go get a little cup of coffee and come back in an hour or two?
KARTER: Great, we're stuck for 2 hours in some rat hole called Ruston, New Mexico.
KYLE: Roswell.
KARTER: Not talking to you. Let kzab know we have to re-book the interview. Yeah--wait, who am I talking to?
[Isabel comes up to talk to Kyle]
ISABEL: Hey, you got a minute?
[Sighs]
KYLE: I got all the time you need
ISABEL: I don't know. It was just the strangest dream, right. It was like it was me, but it wasn't me.
[Kyle hands Isabel a cup of coffee] Ooh, thanks. Like I was saying and doing things I had no control over, like it wasn't me, but... It was me.
KYLE: Yeah, you know, they say you should write down your dreams as soon as you wake up.
ISABEL: I don't know. The whole thing just felt really, um... Dangerous. But I was thrilled by it, by this man, this familiar man. It was pretty erotic. I mean... Don't tell anyone... But when I woke up in the Crashdown, I was so disappointed, I literally had to take a cold shower.
KYLE: That's quite a visual.
ISABEL: Shut up.
KYLE: Look, don't let it get you, don't--I mean, don't you really think this is a case of the pre-wedding jitters infecting your dream life?
ISABEL: Jitters? Surely you jest.
KYLE: No, and don't call me Shirley.
ISABEL: Shirley.
[Cell phone rings]
ISABEL: we are spending way too much time together.
[Rings]
ISABEL: come on. Hello? What?! Are you out of your mind?
KYLE: No jitters there.
ISABEL: Oh, thanks, Kyle.
ISABEL: No, no, that's not gonna work. No, I'm not changing the date, it's not an option.
KYLE: God, I hate cell phones.
ISABEL: I don't understand. How do you run a business this way? You take an order, you take my payment-
[Mr and Mrs Evans are walking down the street]
Mrs. Evans: Isabel.
ISABEL: Hi.
Mr. Evans: : How--ahem. How are you?
ISABEL: Fine.
Mrs. Evans: Honey, wait. I know that you're hurt and you're angry, and we understand, but-
Mr. Evans: but you need to understand the reason we're not coming isn't because we don't love you.
Mrs. Evans: Of course not...
Mrs. Evans: But we can't support this. It's-
[Isabel turns her back on her parents and walks off]
ISABEL: you listen to me. This is my wedding and no one will screw it up! No one!
[Isabel and Max are talking in the park]
ISABEL: So how was Los Angeles?
MAX: Not quite what I expected. How's, uh... How are you?
ISABEL: Under a lot of pressure. 2 days and counting, you know.
MAX: Yeah.
ISABEL: Just say it, Max. You don't want me to marry Jesse. It's ok. Believe me, people aren't exactly jumping for joy when they hear the news.
MAX: Everyone's just a little concerned. It's not that we don't like Jesse.
ISABEL: It's that you don't know Jesse, it's how sudden this is,
ISABEL: it's that you don't want me to make a mistake I will regret for the rest of my life. I know. I have heard it all.
MAX: Don't you think there's a reason that everyone keeps telling you the same thing... Like maybe we're right?
ISABEL: Or maybe you could trust me. I would like to believe that my family would a find a way to be there for me.
MAX: You know we will.
ISABEL: No, I don't. Mom and dad aren't coming to my wedding. My parents aren't coming to my wedding. I can say it, but I can't quite make myself believe it.
MAX: I'm sorry, I didn't know.
ISABEL: It doesn't matter, ok? All that matters is that I know that Jesse is the one.
[Jesse walks up to Max and Isabel]
JESSE: Hey!
MAX: What's this?
ISABEL: Oh, this is a set-up.
JESSE: Hello, Max.
MAX: Hey.
JESSE: Hi. What's up?
ISABEL: Well, I thought I'd let you ask, dear. Tradition.
JESSE: Right. Ahem. I, uh, I know we don't know each other too well yet... But since we're going to be family, I thought that... Actually, Isabel and I thought that maybe we could start things off on the right foot by asking you if you, um, you'd consider being my best man.
MAX: Your...Best man?
ISABEL: Yeah, well, what do you say, Max?
MAX: Ok. Yeah, yeah, I'd--I'd be honored.
ISABEL: Ohh, great!
[Max and Michael are talking]
MAX: First we need a sample of his blood, make sure he's not an alien.
MICHAEL: Oh, yeah, that'll be easy.
MAX: Then we check into his background, talk to his family, his friends, try and find out everything we can about this guy. We can't let Isabel know. She already feels abandoned by most of her family. If she knows that I'm not into this...
MICHAEL: Max, you're not into this.
MAX: I know. I know, but... Now that I stupidly agreed to be best man, I can't let her know that. Not until I have something solid on Jesse.
[Scene switches back to Isabel and Jessee talking]
JESSE: Magruder called this afternoon, and he said there's still a chance we can rent the lodge for the reception, but he can't commit until the elks officially cancel.
ISABEL: Jesse, are you sure about this? No cold feet or last minute butterflies?
JESSE: Yeah, I'm sure. I don't think I've ever been more sure about anything in my life.
ISABEL: Ok, good.
JESSE: Are you sure?
ISABEL: Oh, I'm sure. Nothing is stopping this wedding. Nothing.
[Breathes deeply]
ISABEL: now I gotta go meet the new photographer. Bye.
JESSE: Hey, wait a minute. Something's wrong, I can tell.
ISABEL: No, it's just... Last minute wedding stuff, that's all.
JESSE: Well, don't stay up all night worrying about it.
ISABEL: Don't worry, I won't.
[Isabel goes to bed, and has a dream about the man she saw earlier in her vision]
ISABEL: Do you approve?
KIVAR: : Do you need my approval?
ISABEL: No.
KIVAR: Does your husband like this face?
ISABEL: He's not my husband.
KIVAR: You won't marry him.
ISABEL: You can't stop me.
KIVAR: You'll stop yourself. You will always be mine.
[Next morning at the Crashdown-1 day 5 hours till the wedding]
MARIA: Good morning.
[Maria is surprised that Isabel isn't there]
[Isabel is sitting on her bed looking at drawings she has made, when Maria knocks].
ISABEL: Hi.
MARIA: Hi.
MARIA: Is everything ok?
ISABEL: Yeah, fine.
MARIA: Uh, Liz and I were a little worried when you didn't show up, so when I got a break, I thought I'd just pop on over and see how the wedding's going.
ISABEL: Oh, my god, what time is it? What day is this?
MARIA: It's Saturday, 11:30.
ISABEL: God, oh, my god, Maria, I'm really late. Um, I was supposed to be at the pavilion an hour ago to, um, to meet with a florist, and--and I've gotta pick up your bridesmaid dresses right now. Right now I have to do that. I was supposed to do that a really long time ago. Actually, if I had had more time, and I actually have to, um, [voice rises] drop off the check at the lodge... Or they're gonna give my space away to someone else. Jeez,
MARIA: no, no, it's ok.
ISABEL: Oh, my god, I'm gonna-
MARIA: sit down, sit down, don't worry about it. Just--just don't worry, there's no problem. Everything's gonna be fine, I promise you. I promise you, I'm gonna help you, ok?
ISABEL: You're gonna help me?
MARIA: Mm-hmm.
ISABEL: Thank you. Thank you, Maria. Ok, ok... You can start with, um... Um...You know what, you just start with everything. I gotta go.
MARIA: Wait, you're gonna go?
ISABEL: Yeah, I gotta run. Um, thank you so much, so much, Maria.
[Liz and Maria are working on the wedding plans]
LIZ: this is so not like Isabel. Something's gotta be wrong.
MARIA: No argument, but you know what? The wedding is tomorrow, and what I've been able to gather by just glancing at everything is that there's like a million things that should've been done yesterday, so here's what I'm thinking. We should just jump into this right now with both feet and take control of the situation-
LIZ: or we could sit back and let it all fall apart.
MARIA: Exactly.
LIZ: So what's the most pressing emergency?
MARIA: Uh, my dress, your dress, and her dress in that order.
LIZ: My dress and your dress.
MARIA: Let me just show you what she picked out for us.
[Liz has a look of shock on her face when she sees the picture]
[Max and Jesse are trying on tuxedos, and Michael is hanging around]
[Gasps]
JESSE: no, I don't think I can do this shawl collar. Let's try the double-breasted.
MICHAEL: Hey, Jesse.
JESSE: Hey.
MICHAEL: Uh, congratulations. All the best. I mean, you're really getting a great girl.
JESSE: Thanks, um... Michael. We met in-
MICHAEL: Utah, right.
JESSE: Exactly. I'm bad with names.
MICHAEL: Oh, no, don't sweat that. So 25 hours and counting... You've gotta be getting nervous.
JESSE: Oh, you know it.
MICHAEL: Oh, that's sharp right there.
JESSE: Thanks.
MICHAEL: Um, so Max tells me that you're a local boy.
JESSE: Yeah, born and raised.
MICHAEL: And then you went to Harvard.
JESSE: Yeah. First I did my undergraduate work at Cornell.
MAX: That's in, uh, upstate New York, right? Why so far away?
JESSE: A couple reasons. Scholarship was one. Mostly just wanted to get out of New Mexico.
MICHAEL: Yeah, I can relate. Family problems, right?
JESSE: No, no, nothing like that. Uh, this restless feeling, you know? Just an overwhelming desire to see something outside my window besides the desert.
MICHAEL: Yeah, I know that feeling. I'm dying to get out of this place. Tell me about Cornell. What was it like?
JESSE: Oh, it was beautiful. Sits up on this hill overlooking lake Cayuga. There's a lot of great hiking trails, the woods are gorgeous.
[Time has passed and Michael and Max are still grilling Jesse]
JESSE: Anyway, I didn't make the law review, so I knew I wouldn't be clerking for anyone on the supreme court.
MICHAEL: No, of course not.
MAX: Wait, can we go back for a minute? You said you changed apartments between your second and third year at Harvard. Why'd you move?
JESSE: Heh heh heh! What, are you guys interrogating me or something?
MAX: No!
MICHAEL: No, no, no!
MAX: Just curious. You know, small town boys eager to hear about the outside world.
MICHAEL: Wow, that's sharp.
MAX: I mean, you've been a lot of other places that we really haven't, so...
JESSE: Right. No, it's true, I understand.
MAX: Roswell is Roswell.
JESSE: Yeah, you can say that again.
[Michael slips a pin into the sleeve of the jacket]
MICHAEL: Here, here. Try this on.
JESSE: Ouch!
MAX: You ok?
JESSE: There's still a pin in there.
MICHAEL: Oh, I'm sorry about that.
MAX: Still a pin in the jacket.
[Michael hands Jesses a handerkecheif- he gets it back with a blood spot on it, and folds it up and pockets it]
MICHAEL: Oh, Max, we gotta go because we gotta do that thing we gotta do.
MAX: Yeah, yeah, sorry.
MICHAEL: Yeah, it was nice talking to you.
JESSE: Yeah, you, too.
MICHAEL: Good luck.
JESSE: Thanks. All right, Max. Thanks, guys.
[Michael is looking at the blood under a microscope while talking to Max on the phone]
MICHAEL: We've got bad news, Maxwell. Jesse Ramirez is... Ta-da! Human. Yeah, nice red blood cells. Not a green one in the bunch.
[Knock on door]
MICHAEL: I gotta go.
[Repeated knocking]
MICHAEL: all right, I'm coming, I'm coming!
[Michael opens the door to find a nervous Isabel]
ISABEL: Michael, I'm in trouble. We may all be in trouble. There's an alien out there somewhere and he's after me.
MICHAEL: you know, it might just be a dream, Isabel. You're under a lot of pressure, a lot of anxiety. And what's so strange about dreaming about an alien?
ISABEL: No, this is an alien who--who knows me, who's... Intimate with me, I mean--I mean, what if it's--god!
MICHAEL: Who?
ISABEL: Kivar. What if it's Kivar?
MICHAEL: So what if it is? It's probably still just a dream. Yeah, ok. Think about it for a second. Who's Kivar? He's a man you had an affair with-
ISABEL: no, that wasn't me. That was that other person. That was you on another planet, ok? And how did this illicit affair turn out? It got us all killed.
ISABEL: This isn't helping.
MICHAEL: Because you're not listening. Don't see what's going on? It's just a dream, Isabel. Your subconscious mind is screwing with you. I mean, you know guilt? You feel guilty about what you did back then.
ISABEL: I don't even know what I did back then for sure. I mean, all I really know is that I betrayed you and Max and my whole family for this-- this Kivar. Oh, god, why? What is wrong with me? I mean... Who does something like that? What if I betray Jesse the way I betrayed all of you?
MICHAEL: Hey, no, sit down. None of us know what happened in that life. All we know for certain is who are in this life. And in this life, you're Isabel, and Isabel isn't the kind of person who's gonna betray her husband.
ISABEL: What if they're not just dreams? What if Kivar is really trying to contact me?
MICHAEL: So what? Kivar isn't here. He's up there somewhere on a different planet. If he's trying to contact you, then we'll deal with it.
ISABEL: Ok. Yeah, ok.
MICHAEL: Good.
ISABEL:
MICHAEL: What is this?
MICHAEL: Uh, school project.
ISABEL: Huh. Whose blood is this? Is this Jesse's blood? Are you testing his blood now?
MICHAEL: And he passed! Because I knew he would pass. I told Max-
ISABEL: Max is in on this?
[Maria opens the door and rushes in]
MARIA: Oh, thank god you're here! Oh...Ok... Um, here's the situation. Uh, there's a slight kink in the plans. Your... Your dress is in Florida.
ISABEL: What? What?! Oh, God.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene switches to the Evans' house- Philip and Diane enter laughing- Max is standing there with shoes in his hand]
MAX: hi.
Mrs. Evans: What are you doing here, Max?
MAX: I, uh, I needed... For the wedding.
Mr. Evans: So you're going?
MAX: Yeah, it's--it's kind of complicated, but I'm the-- the best man.
Mrs. Evans: Really? I thought you didn't approve.
MAX: Well, not entirely, but, you know, family.
Mrs. Evans: So...How is your sister? I mean, she must be getting nervous.
Mr. Evans: Knowing Isabel, I'm sure she's got everything completely wired right down to the number of petals on the roses.
MAX: Well, actually, she's been having kind of a tough time.
Mr. Evans: Oh? Yeah, the, uh, dressmaker lost her wedding dress, so... Ha...
MAX: So you're still not going to the wedding.
Mrs. Evans: She's making the biggest mistake of her life, Max. I can't stand there with a smile on my face and pretend to be happy about it.
MAX: You don't, you'll lose her. You and I... We're having problems, and...I don't know what to do about that right now, but I hope that eventually we'll work it out. But you miss your own daughter's wedding, and I don't think you'll ever work that out.
[Mr Parker walks into the kitchen of the crashdown]
Mr. Parker: Liz, what the hell is going on? I just got a call from the bakery about a wedding cake.
Liz: Uh, yeah, I'm catering Isabel's wedding.
Mr. Parker: I'm not laughing.
Liz: I'm not joking.
Mr. Parker: First of all, this is not a charity. This is a business.
LIZ: It's being paid for.
Mr. Parker: And second of all, I'm not stupid. I know Max is gonna be in this wedding, and if you think you've found some sort of loophole to be around him, well, it's not gonna work.
LIZ: I'm helping out a friend. You see, my parents, they taught me that friends help each other. So unless you plan on having me put away in handcuffs, I'm gonna behave like the person I was raised to be. Now excuse me.
[Jim is trying to convince Maria to hire the Kit Shcikers for the reception]
JIM: Come on, you're gonna need a band at the reception.
MARIA: Not a country western band.
JIM: Maria, we need the exposure.
MARIA: You know, you can play the bachelor party, how's that?
[Kyle walks in]
JIM: hey, Kyle! Tell her how good we are.
KYLE: I'm not your publicist.
[Isabel rushes in and comes up to Jim]
ISABEL: I need to talk to you. Um, I want you to do something for me at the wedding, during the ceremony actually.
JIM: It's not an usher, is it? I look so bad in those monkey suits. I mean, I'm touched and all but-
ISABEL: no, I--i want you to give me away.
JIM: You mean...
ISABEL: Walk me down the aisle. My, um, my parents aren't going, and since I sort of think of you as a father figure I thought... What do you say?
JIM: Yes. Yes, it would be an honor.
ISABEL: Thank you.
[Karter comes over to Kyle's booth]
KYLE: Have a seat.
KARTER: I get it.
KYLE: I don't know what you're talking about.
KARTER: I get it, ok? The whole stuck in Mayberry until we're nice to Gomer routine. Sorry I hurt your poor little feelings. Now how much will it take to get you to fix the bus so the band can get back on the road and make the air dates I keep booking-
MARIA: wait a minute, you manage a band?
KARTER: No, Alice, I'm the program director of 7, count them, 7 radio stations spread across the southwestern united states.
MARIA: What band?
KARTER: Ivy.
MARIA: Ivy? Here?
KARTER: Unfortunately.
MARIA: Let's talk.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene switches to the bachelor party]
[Kit Shickers performing]
JIM: I was 5 foot 3 when I seen that little girl...
MAX: So what happened after the two of you passed the bar exam?
MAN: We kind of went our separate ways. I didn't really see him again until probably a year ago.
MAX: What was he doing then?
MAN 2: He was in private practice working for a big-time corporate law firm.
MAN 2: You boys don't play much 9-ball out here, do you?
KYLE: Not like you Harvard guys.
MAN 2: Ooh, it's like a nightmare, isn't it? Just keeps getting worse and worse. And that's the game. That's 20 big ones, my friend.
JIM: You came back here to break hearts you'd better start with mine...
MAN: Listen, I'd love to sit here and answer your questions all night, but I'm married, this is a bachelor party, and time is a-wasting. Whoa! Excuse me.
MICHAEL: Max, it's time to let it go. You're not gonna find anything on that guy because there's nothing to find.
KYLE: My alien friend, there's someone I'd like you to meet.
MAX: Hey, I'm Max Evans, I'm the best man. So tell me, how long have you known Jesse?
[Isabel is sleeping and dreaming about Kivar again]
KIVAR: You will always be mine.
ISABEL: I marry him tomorrow.
KIVAR: It means nothing.
ISABEL: No, it means I'm finished with you. Good-bye, Kivar.
[Back at the party]
JIM: I'm a t-shirt man in a button-down world i like an uptown leg on a downtown girl...
MAN 3: Yeah, we talked on the phone all the time. Well, I mean, except when he was doing that FBI thing.
MAX: Fbi?
MAN 3: I don't know what he did, man. He wouldn't talk about it. Said it was classified, national security, that kind of stuff.
JIM: You're never gonna catch me working 9 t0 5...
MAN 1: Man: I can't believe you sunk the 9 ball again. Double or nothing.
MICHAEL: You read my mind.
JIM: I never was good at playing the game all you can lose drive a man insane swing you high like a ball on a chain...
JESSE: You interrogating my friends?
MAX: Just asking questions.
KYLE: It's like a nightmare, isn't it?
JESSE: Oh, so that's what that was all about in the tuxedo shop, too, wasn't it? You and your friend trying to build some kind dossier on me?
MAX: Dossier? That's an interesting word for someone who used to work for the FBI.
JESSE: What? What are you talking about? I never worked for the FBI.
MAX: Louis said you had a mysterious classified job at the FBI.
JESSE: Ha ha ha! Louis is an idiot. I did an internship at the DEA. For a semester, and yeah, some of it was classified. What the hell business is it of yours anyway? What, are you looking for some dirt on me, some excuse to get Isabel to call off the wedding?
MAX: That's not it.
JESSE: The hell it isn't. Hey, hey, hey, come on, guys, come on.
MAN 1: Nobody makes shots like that. It's a statistical impossibility.
MICHAEL: How would you know?
MAN 1: I'm a statistician.
KYLE: Ooh! Whatever. Just give him his money back, man.
JESSE: Ritchie, what's going on?
MAN 1: These red neck jerk-offs are trying to hustle us.
KYLE: What did you just call us?
MAN 1: Oh, didn't you hear? I said you're a red neck jerk-off!
MAX: Hey! Hey!
JESSE: Back off! Ow!
[A fight breaks out and Max punches Jesse]
[After the party, Max is talking to Isabel]
ISABEL: You broke his nose?!
MAX: I didn't mean to. It just...Happened.
ISABEL: Oh, it just happened. You just happened to be swinging your fist in the air, and he just happened to step in front it!
MAX: Look, I am sorry. It was a party. People were drinking too much, I-- things got out of control.
ISABEL: Oh! Like your investigation. Is that one of those things that got a little out of control?
MAX: I can explain-
ISABEL: don't bother. I understand perfectly. You don't trust me.
MAX: It's not about trust.
ISABEL: It is all about trust, Max. God, do you really think that I would marry someone that I don't even know? Someone who might be secretly working for the FBI or even--ohh! An alien? Don't you think I have walked through his dreams a few times, and that maybe I checked on his alien status a long time ago? God, Max! The irony here is that I trusted you. I trusted you to stand up at my wedding when my whole family bailed. I trusted you to be there for me... And you weren't.
[Maria and Liz are helping Isabel get ready]
MARIA: I know it's not exactly what you wanted, but...
LIZ: We searched every store in Roswell, really.
ISABEL: No, it's fine, and thank you. Thank you both so much for everything you've already done., And it'll be really... Really fine.
[Door opens]
Mrs. Evans: It's lovely. I mean, really it is, but I just thought that maybe as an option. This was my wedding dress, girls, and my mother wore it before I did, and I'd be honored-
ISABEL: I love you, mom.
Mrs. Evans: I mean, I don't know if we could possibly get it altered in time.
ISABEL: Oh, no, I will find a way.
Mrs. Evans: Good.
[Jesse is getting ready also-Knock on door]
Mrs. Delgado: guess who's here?
MAX: Hey.
Mrs. Evans: Can I leave you two alone, or do I have to referee?
JESSE: Thanks, mom.
MAX: I picked up a steak on the way over.
JESSE: That's an old wives' tale, Max.
MAX: Look, I just-- I wanted to say that-- forget about it. No, really, I-- I was way out of line interrogating your friends. I mean... Isabel's obviously in love with you, and you obviously make her happy, and...I don't know, I couldn't accept that.
JESSE: You probably know this from all of your, uh, "research," but my father died when I was 13. What you probably don't know is that it was 4 years before my mother ever saw another man, and I couldn't take it, not even then. I hated them.
MAX: You didn't want anyone replacing your father.
JESSE: Partially, yeah. But even more than that it was... They weren't good enough for my mother. No one, to tell you the truth, could ever be good enough for my mother. So I understand. No one's ever going to be good enough for Isabel.
MAX: I'll get over it.
JESSE: Maybe. I never did. But we gotta put it behind us, all right? Because even if we're not going to be friends, we are going to be family. So you gonna eat that steak or what?
MAX: Uh... Um, just hold it there. It just takes a second.
[Max puts the steak on Jesse's nose- he uses his powers to heal him]
MAX: Uh... I don't know, take a look.
JESSE: Yeah.
MAX: Well, look at that.
[Wedding march playing- Jim is holding Isabel's arm getting ready to walk her down the aisle]
ISABEL: this is it. Are you ready?
JIM: I don't think so.
[Mr Evan's walks up and puts out his arm]
Mr. Evans: May I?
[Isabel and her father walk down the aisle- the wedding starts]
ISABEL: I, Isabel Amanda, take thee, Jesse Esteban, to be my wedded husband.
JESSE: I, Jesse Esteban, take thee, Isabel Amanda, to be my wedded wife.
ISABEL: In sickness and in health...
JESSE: In plenty and in want...
ISABEL: Through joy and through sorrow...
JESSE: So long as we both shall live.
MINISTER: By the authority committed unto me, as a minister of the church of Jesus Christ, I now proclaim that Jesse and Isabel are husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.
[Max is speaking at the reception]
MAX: can we have your attention, please? Hi. I'm Max Evans. The best man. Ahem. Isabel and i, uh... Well, I'm sure you all know the story, how they found us... Little kids wandering in the desert. No one knew where we came from or where we belonged. We didn't know anything either, who our parents were, how we got there. All we had was each other. Two people took us in, gave us names, made us part of their family, something I'll always-- we'll always be grateful for. Growing up, I was always... I always felt very protective of my big sister, always tried to look out for her. I guess... What I've come to realize is that she doesn't need me anymore to protect her. She's too strong for that. So, uh... To Jesse... Welcome to the family. I think you'll find it's going to be an interesting experience.
[Guests chuckle]
MAX: and to Isabel... I love you. I trust you. And I wish you all the happiness in the world. To Jesse and Isabel.
ALL: To Jesse and Isabel.
MARIA: All right, Karter. You're on.
KARTER: Hit it.
[Ivy Plays while the guests dance]
IVY SINGING: there's a place I dream about where the sun never goes out and the sky is deep in blue won't you take me there with you? Ooh, we can begin again shed our skin, let the sun shine in at the edge of the ocean we can start over again sha la la la la la la sha la la sha la la sha la la la la la la sha la la sha la la there's a world...
Mr. Parker: There's a chafing dish in my truck. Can you get that?
LIZ: Dad.
Mr. Parker: Yes.
LIZ: I'm gonna dance with Max. Not because it's tradition and not because I found some kind of loophole but because it's my choice. We love each other, and we are going to be together. And I love you, too.
IVY SINGING: At the edge of the ocean we can start over again sha la la la la la la sha la la sha la la sha la la la la la la sha la la sha la la
[Isabel is dancing with Michael- A man comes up to cut in, and Isabel starts dancing with him- it is the man from her dream]
KIVAR: stay calm and keep smiling, Isabel.
ISABEL: You're not here. You're not really here.
KIVAR: Oh, I am here. I've come for you.
ISABEL: No. I'm dreaming or sleeping or something.
KIVAR: May I? To your happy day. And, uh... Many more happy days still to come. I'll see you soon.
[Kivar disappears into the crowd, and Kyle walks up]
KYLE: Can I, uh, dance with the bride?
ISABEL: Kyle, did you see that guy who was here?
KYLE: The guy you were talking to and dancing with?
ISABEL: You saw him? You really saw him?
KYLE: Sure. Why? Who was he?
ISABEL: Someone who can't be here. | Plan: A: Isabel; Q: Who is torn with doubt before her wedding? A: doubt; Q: What is Isabel torn with when she has erotic dreams of her former alien lover? A: her former alien lover; Q: What is Kivar? A: a reluctant Max; Q: Who agrees to serve as Jesse's best man? A: the bachelor party; Q: Where does Max try to investigate Jesse? Summary: Right before her wedding, Isabel is torn with doubt when she has erotic dreams of her former alien lover, Kivar. Meanwhile, a reluctant Max agrees to serve as Jesse's best man, while attempting to investigate him at the bachelor party. |
OPEN AT LUKE'S DINER
LORELAI: All right, Davey, here comes the airplane.
JACKSON: What did they say to kids to get them to open their mouths before there were planes?
SOOKIE: "Here comes the choo-choo."
JACKSON: And before there were trains?
LORELAI: "Here comes the spoon."
JACKSON: That's so on the nose.
LORELAI: One more bite, honey. Come on, now. Here comes the airplane again. It's flying through the air. It's beginning its descent. It's commencing its approach. It's lowering the landing gear.
LUKE: [approaches the table]. It's signaled the ground crew. They're flipping their flashlight thingies. Would you shove that in the kid's mouth?
LORELAI: Oh, look -- it's Bilbo Baloneypuss just in from the shire.
LUKE: Just hurry up and order.
LORELAI: What's the rush?
LUKE: I don't like babies.
JACKSON: [jumps to his feet] Hey! Huh. I suddenly felt violently protective. [pause] It's gone. [sits again]
LUKE: It's the noise they make.
LORELAI: This baby has not made a peep.
LUKE: He will and at the worst possible moment.
LORELAI: Like when you're defusing a bomb or something?
SOOKIE: [gasps] That would be awkward.
LUKE: You've got one minute to order, then six minutes to eat.
LORELAI: Yessiree, come on down to Luke's, where the motto is "eat it, then beat it."
LUKE: One minute.
[Taylor enters wearing a toupee.]
TAYLOR: Hello, all.
LORELAI: Taylor.
TAYLOR: Top o' the morning to you.
LORELAI: Top o' the -
SOOKIE: Yeah, on top there, you got the -
JACKSON: It's definitely -- it's a -
SOOKIE: Beautiful top. It's --
LORELAI: Top o' the morning right back at you. You were just on a cruise, weren't you?
TAYLOR: Yes, and it was heaven. The Caribbean -- ever been?
LORELAI: I'm sorry. What did you say?
TAYLOR: Ever been to the Caribbean?
LORELAI: God, I'm sorry. I missed it again.
TAYLOR: Never mind. Uh, Luke, I have an issue I need to discuss with you.
LUKE: Good -- something to write about in my diary.
TAYLOR: There is a distinct odor outside our establishments, and I have to assume it's coming from the diner.
LUKE: There's no odor coming from my diner.
TAYLOR: It wasn't there when I left for my trip. Where else could it be emanating from?
LUKE: I don't know. Have you checked underneath that thing on your head?
TAYLOR: I'm combing it differently.
LUKE: The comb didn't loosen the glue?
JACKSON: You know, I smelled something, too, but it was across the square.
SOOKIE: Me, too, over by the hair stand -- newsstand.
MAN SITTING AT COUNTER: I smelled it by Gypsy's -- horrible.
TAYLOR: So the whole town smells? How can that be possible?
LORELAI: It is an old town -- 200 years.
JACKSON: So, it's decaying from age?
TAYLOR: Or we've got skunks again.
KIRK: [from a nearby table] I think you're right, Taylor!
TAYLOR: Ten years ago we got infested. They crawled under houses, met their fate, and the town smelled for weeks.
KIRK: That must be it, Taylor! Good work. Good work!
TAYLOR: Thank you, Kirk. I'm going to have to mobilize the community. We've got the flower show coming up. We have to deal with this quickly.
KIRK: Let me go door to door and make sure every townsman looks under his house, Taylor. I'll even knock some heads together -- get medieval on their ass.
TAYLOR: That's a nice offer, Kirk, but the block captains will see it gets done. I better start making my calls. [leaves]
LUKE: [walks back to the table] Your minute's up. Order.
LORELAI: We're not ready.
LUKE: Then it's coming out of your eating time.
SOOKIE: Hey, get violently protective so Luke will back off.
JACKSON: I don't know if I can summon it like that.
SOOKIE: Try.
JACKSON: Argh-eee! Luke.
LUKE: In five minutes, you're all gone. [walks off]
JACKSON: [ Sighs ] I let you down.
LORELAI: The "argh" was good, and then you kind of petered out.
JACKSON: I need to practice more.
SOOKIE: You'll get it there.
LORELAI: Read, read. [glancing nervously at impatient Luke]
CUT TO DRAGONFLY INN
[Michel and Dean are moving a bookcase.]
LORELAI: Try it against that wall there.
MICHEL: We've already tried it there.
DEAN: It's no problem.
MICHEL: No problem for you, but this is giving me cuticle damage. Do you know how long cuticle damage takes to heal?
DEAN: Thank God, no.
LORELAI: No, it doesn't work there either.
MICHEL: What an enormous shock. Anywhere else you want to try it -- maybe at the Lincoln Memorial on his giant lap?
LORELAI: How 'bout over there?
SOOKIE: Yeah, there.
MICHEL: I'm sending you my manicure bill.
DEAN: Yes, mine, too.
MICHEL: Don't be snotty.
TOM: [enters carrying clipboard] Seems a little out of place no matter where you put it.
LORELAI: Yeah, unfortunately.
TOM: If you'd ordered it from me, I would have guaranteed it. You didn't order it from me.
LORELAI: I know, we ordered it before we hired you. We should have waited.
TOM: It's always best to do it through your contractor. [exits]
DEAN: I don't think it fits here.
MICHEL: Oh, my God, I'm getting a blister.
SOOKIE: Hey, how about by the front desk?
LORELAI: We could give it a shot.
MICHEL: That's it! I'm jumping off the Amistad. This is heavy, my back hurts, I'm not moving it again.
DEAN: No problem. [grabs bookcase] I can do it. [carries to front desk]
MICHEL: It's not me. It really is heavy.
DEAN: You mean here?
TOM: They already tried it there.
SOOKIE: I think it's a lost cause.
LORELAI: We've got the Dennis Kucinich of bookcases.
TOM: I wish you'd gone through me.
LORELAI: I could just give it to Rory. She could use it at Yale.
LINDSAY: [enters from front door] Hi, everybody.
SOOKIE & LORELAI: Hi!
LINDSAY: Hi, Michel.
MICHEL: Hi, Lindsay. [standing slightly hunched]
LINDSAY: Are you okay? You're standing kind of funny.
MICHEL: It's nothing funny. It is how you stand in these pants.
[Lindsay walks over to Dean]
LINDAY: Keys, please.
DEAN: You got it. [They kiss.]
[Sookie and Lorelai watch from afar]
LORELAI: Annette and Frankie really found each other.
SOOKIE: They float together. Y'know, they just sort of float.
LORELAI: It's off-the-charts adorable.
MICHEL: [frowning] Yep. The Deans of the world always get the Lindsays. The pretty little things just like the bookcase lifters.
LORELAI: That's a category -- jocks, nerds, bookcase lifters?
MICHEL: I was born with this bad back. It was heretical.
LORELAI: Congenital.
MICHEL: Ugh! Well, I hate that bookcase. I wish you had never ordered it. I wish you had never thought of it. I can't even be in the same room with it, mocking me for how alone I am.
LORELAI: It's mocking you?
SOOKIE: It's three pieces of wood.
MICHEL: Well, I hate it -- hate it, hate it, hate it!
TOM: [appears] If you had ordered it from me, he wouldn't be experiencing this psychological trauma.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE DINING ROOM
LORELAI: I mean, they were extremely common until just recently -- historically recently, not recently like "metrosexual is a word now" recently, but recently.
EMILY: Are we still talking about anvils?
LORELAI: Yes, where did all the anvils go?
EMILY: You're talking about those big, heavy, metal things?
LORELAI: That blacksmiths hammered horseshoes and stuff on. Everyone had them. They were featured prominently in every movie western, so where did they all go?
RICHARD: I don't know that they were that common.
LORELAI: Wile E. Coyote used them. That's how common they were.
EMILY: Who?
LORELAI: The cartoon. He was always trying to drop an anvil on the Road Runner's head or shoot it at him out of a giant slingshot or fire it at him out of a cannon. Inevitably, the cannon tilted up, shot it in the air, it fell down, and made an anvil-shaped impression on Wile E. Coyote's head.
EMILY: This is a cartoon?
LORELAI: No, no, this just happened to me the other day. I was walking down the street, and this giant anvil -- yes, mother, it's a cartoon.
RORY: I know she sounds nuts, but it's a very common cartoon.
RICHARD: But that doesn't prove that anvils were so common.
LORELAI: It does. It proves that anvils were so ubiquitous at one point -- is that the word, ubiquitous?
RORY: It depends on where you're going.
LORELAI: That they knew that children would know what they were and delight in them. That's how common they were -- children watching cartoons.
RORY: That was the word.
RICHARD: I've forgotten your point.
LORELAI: Where are all the anvils? I mean, is there some sort of secret anvil storage facility the government is keeping from us?
RICHARD: Or they fell into disuse with the advent of other technologies, and so they melted them down and they're gone.
LORELAI: But they're not supposed to melt. They were made to withstand the red-hot hammer of the town blacksmith.
EMILY: This is easily the most pointless conversation we've ever had.
LORELAI: I don't hear anyone chiming in with rational theories.
EMILY: Please change the subject, I beg of you, anyone.
RICHARD: Well the girls don't know the big news about Jason and me.
LORELAI: You're pregnant?
RICHARD: We're acquiring another company.
LORELAI: I was close.
RORY: Already? You just started yours.
RICHARD: The insurance business is changing so rapidly, you have to adapt to keep up.
RORY: It's a dog-eat-dog world, Grandpa.
RICHARD: Don't get the wrong idea. It's not a big company. It's smaller than ours, but very powerful.
LORELAI: Wait, the company is smaller than yours? Your company is two guys -- you and Jason.
RICHARD: This company is a one-man operation -- Bob Sutton.
LORELAI: So, you're acquiring Bob?
RICHARD: We're acquiring his company, and his company is him.
LORELAI: Did he have to give himself two weeks' notice? [Rory snickers.]
RICHARD: No.
LORELAI: Is there gonna be a sad little going-away party where he brings in his own cake and blows out his candles?
RICHARD: We are all celebrating with a dinner tomorrow -- us and the wives.
EMILY: Ugh.
LORELAI: You're not big on the Bob?
EMILY: Bob's fine. We've known him for years. It's that dolt he's married to -- classic trophy wife.
RICHARD: She is quite young.
LORELAI: How young?
EMILY: Her car looks [high, squeaky voice] just like Barbie's.
RICHARD: Regardless, I hope you will be kind to her at dinner.
EMILY: I'll have to bring my English-to-dumbbell dictionary.
RICHARD: Try and focus on Bob. Bob's as sharp as they come.
EMILY: He's very brilliant, I'll give you that.
LORELAI: Bob's brilliant, huh?
RICHARD: He's a Rhodes scholar.
LORELAI: Ask him where the anvils went. ...Or not.
CUT TO TAYLORS SWEETS SHOP
TAYLOR: And forty-seven cents comes to $5. Thank you, Mrs. Cassini.
MRS. CASSINI: Thank you. I don't know what it is about you, Taylor, but you look so healthy, so invigorated, so youthful.
TAYLOR: Thank you, Mrs. Cassini. [big grin] Must be the vacation.
MRS. CASSINI: Or the fake hair.
TAYLOR: [smile disolves] Come again, Mrs. Cassini. Tracy, change out the scoop water. It's an unsightly color. And tell Franklin when he gets here - [sees Kirk hovering] tell him that he keeps forgetting to punch out -- Kirk, something wrong?
KIRK: Well, I-I - [fiddles nervously]
TAYLOR: don't touch the candy.
KIRK: I'm sorry. I didn't want to touch the candy. It's just...
TAYLOR: Kirk, I just had a spat with my sourball distributor, and I'm not in the mood. Now, what's the trouble?
KIRK: It's eggs.
TAYLOR: What? What's eggs?
KIRK: In the square -- the smell. It's not skunks, it's eggs. Easter eggs from the Easter egg hunt.
TAYLOR: But Easter was over a week ago.
KIRK: And I did it just like you told me. I personally hid 300 eggs around the town square, and the kids had a blast hunting them down, except the Banyan boys. They're bad seeds. Going to hell -- both of them. But the kids only found 241 of them.
TAYLOR: Are you telling me that there are fifty-nine rotting eggs hidden in the square?
KIRK: I thought they would naturally decompose and just disappear.
TAYLOR: Eggs smell when they decompose.
KIRK: I just found that out. [Angry and speechless, Taylor walks away. Kirk follows him.] I find your hair very believable.
CUT TO EXCLUSIVE GOLF COURSE ON FAIRWAY
[Richard completes his drive with big swing.]
JASON: Nice shot. Beautiful!
RICHARD: You're being extremely charitable.
JASON: Oh, Richard, if I get that far on four shots, it would be a miracle on the order of loaves and fishes.
BOB: Yeah, and I'm in the sand.
RICHARD: I don't think any of us are gonna make Tiger shake in his spikes.
JASON'S CADDY: I'd go with a driver or 3-wood.
JASON: Whatever is gonna make me look less like Dorf.
BOB: You know, my wife's very excited about the merger, Richard -- very excited.
RICHARD: Oh, do give Trish our best. Emily and I were just talking about her -- terrific girl.
[Jason swings and misses ball. Bob and Richard laugh.]
BOB: At least he held onto the club this time.
RICHARD: Now, it's hard to know whether he should yell "fore!" Or "duck!"
JASON: Why can't businessmen do deals over air hockey? I am great at air hockey. [A man approaches the group.]Oh, looky here.
RICHARD: Hmm? Your father?
JASON: One of the many hazards on this golf course.
FLOYD: I thought that was you. Groundskeeper must be unhappy that you're here today.
JASON: Aha. Divots -- I do produce a lot of divots. Good one.
FLOYD: Richard, nice to see you. [approaches and shakes hands]
RICHARD: Same here, Floyd.
FLOYD: And, Bob, didn't know you were a duffer.
BOB: More like spoiling a good walk.
RICHARD: You want to play through, Floyd?
FLOYD: Actually, I was heading back to the clubhouse, and you caught my eye. How's Emily?
RICHARD: She's fine.
FLOYD: Good health?
RICHARD: Very good. And Carol?
FLOYD: Fine, fine. You know, she really misses Emily -- misses her company.
RICHARD: And vice versa, I'm sure.
FLOYD: You couldn't drag those two apart at a function.
RICHARD: They were like conjoined twins.
FLOYD: I know she'd love to see Emily again.
RICHARD: I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
FLOYD: Well, then, perhaps we should get those two together.
RICHARD: Well, we could arrange that.
FLOYD: I can tell Carol to give her a call.
RICHARD: Any time.
FLOYD: You know, if it's a meal, we men could tag along if they'd let us.
RICHARD: That's a big "if," but that could happen.
FLOYD: Maybe Jason could tag along, too.
RICHARD: That would be a nice little gathering.
FLOYD: I'm out of town next week, but this Friday's free.
RICHARD: Friday would be perfect.
FLOYD: I hope it happens.
RICHARD: I hope so, too.
FLOYD: Glad to run into you.
RICHARD: Same here, Floyd.
FLOYD: Bob, Jason. [leaves]
RICHARD: [joins Jason] He wants to have dinner.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE HOUSE - KITCHEN
EMILY: Was it Carol's idea or Floyd's?
RICHARD: It's hard to say.
JASON: This is very good, Richard.
RICHARD: It was public. The whole club saw.
EMILY: But did he say that Carol had wanted it or that he had wanted it? [to Jason] What did you hear?
JASON: I was out of earshot.
RICHARD: Rapprochement with Floyd Stiles. Never in my wildest dreams.
JASON: And it came from him. Who saw this coming?
EMILY: Did he bring up Carol before or after he brought up the dinner?
RICHARD: I didn't have a tape recorder, Emily.
EMILY: I'll offer to host it here. I've got the perfect menu. Friday, right? So it's Lorelai and Rory, too.
RICHARD: Well, Friday was his suggestion. I wasn't in a position to counter.
EMILY: No, of course not. That's fine.
RICHARD: And he saw us with Bob, too.
JASON: And still he made the offer.
RICHARD: Acquiring Bob was a great idea.
EMILY: There'll be seven of us. That's an unbalanced table, but that's okay. Oh, this is wonderful!
RICHARD: Floyd wants peace.
JASON: So it seems.
[Richard chuckles.]
CUT TO RORY'S YALE DORM ROOM
[Rhythmic knocking on door]
RORY: [opens door] Dean.
DEAN: Surprise.
RORY: What are you doing here?
DEAN: Um, I come bearing gifts.
RORY: A bookcase?
DEAN: [carries it into dorm] Yeah, the one from the inn. Do you see what's going on out there?
[They both look into the hallway where Glenn struggles to drag a beer keg up the stairs.]
GLENN: [muttering to himself] Almost there, almost there. [breathing heavily as another student passes him on stairs] Thanks for the help.
DEAN: Should I give him a hand?
RORY: If he doesn't work for his inebriation, he won't appreciate it. There's a big party on Friday night. It must be for that.
DEAN: Yeah? You going?
RORY: I have two papers due, so I'll be in Stars Hollow avoiding the fray. I'll just have a brewski there.
DEAN: [ Laughs ] So, uh, which way's your room?
RORY: Thataway. [Dean carries the bookcase to her room.]
RORY: So, where did this come from?
DEAN: Well, your mom had it made for the Dragonfly, but it didn't fit, so she thought you could use it here. She didn't tell you?
RORY: Nope.
DEAN: Small.
RORY: Yes.
DEAN: There's no place to put this.
RORY: Yes again.
DEAN: What was your mom thinking?
RORY: That I have books, and that's probably the extent of it.
DEAN: Right. So, I guess I'll take it back.
RORY: I'm sorry you had to make the trip.
DEAN: No, it's okay. It's kind of nice seeing where you live.
RORY: So, are you on your way back to school?
DEAN: Oh, no, I'm just off from work. I'm actually gonna take a little break from that.
RORY: From what, school?
DEAN: Yeah, just for a semester or two, you know.
RORY: A semester or two? But I thought it was going so well.
DEAN: It was. It's just that Lindsay and I really need some extra money right now, and this job with Tom has been perfect.
RORY: Extra money for what?
DEAN: What do you mean? For life, things.
RORY: What kind of things?
DEAN: Well, um, Lindsay's got her heart set on having a townhouse by the end of the year, and we're kind of cramped where we are, so I think it's a good idea.
RORY: You do?
DEAN: Yeah.
RORY: I don't.
DEAN: What?
RORY: I think it's a horrible idea.
DEAN: It's just temporary.
RORY: Maybe.
DEAN: Rory.
RORY: A lot of people who drop out say that it's just temporary. It usually doesn't work out that way.
DEAN: I'm gonna go back.
RORY: I hope so.
DEAN: Have some faith, will you?
RORY: I just think this is a mistake.
DEAN: Rory, I'm married, remember? I have responsibilities.
RORY: You'll lose your momentum.
DEAN: I need the money.
RORY: Can't the townhouse wait?
DEAN: Jeez, lighten up.
RORY: I just think this is a really bad idea.
DEAN: Graduating from college doesn't guarantee you a job anymore. It's not like it was with our parents.
RORY: So you're not going back?
DEAN: You're twisting my words.
RORY: And you're just gonna work in construction?
DEAN: What, are you gonna get all elitist on me now?
RORY: We're friends, so I get to tell you what I think.
DEAN: Fine.
RORY: You should go to school.
DEAN: Great. Now you've told me three times. I get it. You don't need to tell me again, okay? [long pause] You want me to take this now?
RORY: Yes...no. Whatever you want.
DEAN: I'll take it now.
RORY: Fine.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE
[A crowd has gathered.]
TAYLOR: Attention, please! Everybody, if I may!
KIRK: [yelling above the crowd's murmuring] Let's have some attention, people!
TAYLOR: We all know why we're here. There are fifty-nine rotting Easter eggs hidden throughout the square, and we've got to find them. I know what you're thinking -- what about the map, the careful, detailed map of where the eggs are hidden made each year to avoid catastrophes such as this? [Kirk stares at his shoes] Well, a map was not made this year, good townsfolk. One was not made. Now, this work is going to be exhausting and, yes, disgusting, but as my way of thanking you, help yourself to lunch at Doose's market, where everything in our prepared-foods section will be discounted 5%, 20% for our day-old sushi. Now, with the flower show due in three days, we have a clock on this, people, but when I look out at this fine group of volunteers, my heart races with pride. I see America, and I am proud. Now, are there any questions?
GYPSY: What's with the toupee? [crowd laughs]
TAYLOR: It's not a toupee.
GYPSY: And I'm blond and leggy.
TAYLOR: Are there any legitimate questions from anyone? [ man raises his hand ] Yes, Joe?
JOE: I'm Jewish.
TAYLOR: Well, that's swell.
JOE: Is it okay for a Jew to hunt Easter eggs?
TAYLOR: That's between you and your Rabbi. [Jackson raises his hand] Jackson, a question?
JACKSON: Toupee guy says what?
TAYLOR: What? [laughter from crowd] What are you laughing about?
KIRK: Jackson said, "Toupee guy says what?" Inspiring your understandable response of "what?" Thus soliciting their childish laughter. It's infantile and a total clam.
TAYLOR: Please report every found egg to me, and I will keep the running total. Now, good luck, and let the hunt begin.
KIRK: We won't let you down, Taylor, because not only are we gonna find twenty eggs within the hour, [voice raises louder] but we're going on to find twenty-five... and then thirty... and then thirty-five... and then forty... [at the top of his lungs] and then forty-five and then fifty until we find all fifty-nine and take back the square! Yeeeeee-ahhhhh!
JACKSON: Hurt your throat?
KIRK: [hoarsely] Very badly.
JOE: Found one!
TAYLOR: Fifty-eight to go.
KIRK: [ Hoarsely ] Good job, Joe. [proceeds to run madly through the crowd around the square]
CUT TO JASON'S TOWNHOUSE -- KITCHEN
JASON: Okay, dinner is ready when the cow moos.
LORELAI: Mmm. Okay. [carrying potted plant] How about here? [set plant under stairs]
JASON: Not there.
LORELAI: Why not?
JASON: It's dark.
LORELAI: Yeah, that's the point. It's a dark corner. The plant livens it up.
JASON: Plants need light.
LORELAI: They do?
JASON: It's the "photo" part of photosynthesize.
LORELAI: Oh, don't some plants just synthesize?
JASON: They really need the photo part.
LORELAI: None of the plants I ever had needed light.
JASON: Any of them live?
LORELAI: No. [brief pause] Whoa, insight!
JASON: Poor thing doesn't stand a chance.
LORELAI: Hey, so, you ready for Friday?
JASON: Ohh, dinner with my parents?
LORELAI: You haven't seen them in a while.
JASON: Well, I've seen Mom occasionally, but Floyd and I really haven't spoken since the great schism, not that Harry Chapin isn't dying to rise from the grave and write a song about us. I'm a little nervous.
LORELAI: Yeah, I get that.
JASON: And he's gonna call me "Digger." Oh, he loves calling me "Digger." And he has hated every girl I have ever dated.
LORELAI: Um, really?
JASON: Yeah, mom, too. It's some sort of reverse Oedipal thing. And not just the ones I pick. They set me up with a girl they loved, and as soon as they found out I liked her, they turned on her viciously. She moved to Alaska.
LORELAI: Why are you telling me this?
JASON: Just a heads up.
LORELAI: All it's gonna do is make me nervous, and it has.
JASON: They don't know I'm going out with you, so it doesn't matter.
LORELAI: Well, they'll find out eventually.
JASON: Well, impress them now when they don't know. Preempt their gathering hatred.
LORELAI: Unless they end up hating me retroactively.
JASON: Oh, I have seen that, too.
LORELAI: Tony Robbins has nothing on you. [walks into living room]
JASON: Sorry.
LORELAI: Ooh, how about here? [sets plant on chair]
JASON: On the chair?
LORELAI: Yeah, it's not a very comfortable chair.
JASON: How about I just get a new chair?
LORELAI: That'll work.
JASON: You know, in a warped way, you being nervous has made me less nervous.
LORELAI: So there's a bright side.
JASON: Not that that was my intent.
LORELAI: Good to know. [cow moos in background ]
JASON: Dinner.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW MAIN STREET
LANE: There was a death-to-disco movement in the late '70s -- very intense. We had Donna Summer on the run.
RORY: "We?" You weren't born yet.
LANE: I'm a kindred spirit.
RORY: Gotcha.
LANE: So where's the passion now, huh? Where is it?
RORY: There's disco to kill anymore. They wiped it out.
LANE: But there are other things that need wiping out -- phony rappers, most techno, alt country, Christian rock, anything fusion, classic alternative radio, where all they do is play the same Nirvana song over and over -- the Rubens, the Clays, the Clarksons. [they stroll past the center square where people still wander in search of eggs]
RORY: It's gonna be a bloodbath. What are they doing?
LANE: You smell that smell?
RORY: Yeah.
LANE: Taylor left Kirk in charge of the Easter egg hunt, and they didn't exactly find them all.
RORY: They lose the egg map?
LANE: They didn't make an egg map.
RORY: They didn't make an egg map?
LANE: I was just as shocked.
RORY: They always make an egg map.
CUT TO TOWN SQUARE
[Taylor patrols the square with Joe and Kirk following]
TAYLOR: Let's have the hourly report, Joe.
JOE: Well, you know -
KIRK: [interrupting] We found three more, Taylor.
TAYLOR: I said, "Joe."
JOE: We found three more, Taylor.
TAYLOR: That's not good! That is not good! More than half are still missing, and every minute we have people deserting the cause. [stops in front of tree] What's this?
JACKSON: There's a couple in the tree. [Gypsy assists Jackson while he prods branches with a long pole)
TAYLOR: You hid them in a tree?
KIRK: Oh, right.
TAYLOR: They're completely out of reach of the children.
KIRK: The others I hid for the delight of the children. These I hid for me.
TAYLOR: [sighs] Get them down. This is not good. We are losing men, and we are losing -
JACKON and GYPSY: [simultaneously] Hair!
TAYLOR: Time.
JACKON and GYPSY: [simultaneously] Jinx, jinx, jinx, jinx! jinx, jinx, jinx, jinx!
TAYLOR: [groaning] Oh, I miss the Caribbean. [walks off]
[CUTS TO DOOSE'S MARKET]
[Rory and Lane enter and wander aisles with shopping baskets]
RORY: So, what are we looking for?
LANE: Well, we still have no fridge, no stove, and no microwave, so nothing perishable, nothing that requires boiling water, and nothing that needs to be cooked.
RORY: I'm guessing the day-old sushi is out.
LANE: It was never in.
RORY: Beef jerky?
LANE: Definitely.
RORY: And protein bars.
LANE: Oh, I'm sorry. When did I win the lottery?
RORY: Protein bars are a luxury?
LANE: They are when you live with guys that eat ten of everything when one's the correct portion. Got to keep that proportion cost low.
RORY: Pretzels.
LANE: Perfect.
RORY: And, of course, the perennial Pop-tart.
LANE: Oh, load up on those.
RORY: Did I tell you that Dean stopped by?
LANE: Where, Yale?
RORY: He was delivering a bookcase for my mom. Hey, you want a bookcase? It's free.
LANE: I'll take it. So, how's old Dean-boy doing?
RORY: He dropped out of college.
LANE: What? You're kidding!
RORY: Says he needs money. How about marshmallows?
LANE: Sure, and throw in a Park Avenue mansion while you're at it.
RORY: Another luxury -- got it.
LANE: So, he's just working full-time?
RORY: It's such a waste. Dean is so smart. He can do so much more. Hey, melba toast.
LANE: Cheap, tasteless, and filling.
RORY: I'll grab a bunch.
LANE: And I'll get one bag of marshmallows so the boys can have a treat afterwards.
RORY: I'm mad at Dean about doing this, but I'm more mad at Lindsay. She's so selfish.
LANE: Women.
RORY: She's his wife. She should be encouraging him to go to school and think about his future, but, no, she needs a townhouse and a Rolls-Royce.
LANE: [incredulous] They're buying a Rolls-Royce? [they continue strolling down aisle]
RORY: No, but they are the townhouse, and he didn't even seem that excited about it. It's just Lindsay. I mean, why doesn't she get a job. [they turn corner] What does she do all day? [Lindsay stands in the aisle speechless. After a pause she stomps off and out of the store.] So, you think -- you think she heard?
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Kirk stumbles in looking dazed.]
LUKE: Kirk?
KIRK: That's me.
LUKE: You want something?
KIRK: Why?
LUKE: Well, you usually get something here. You're in the diner.
KIRK: Oh, yes.
LUKE: Kirk?
KIRK: That's me.
LUKE: You want some coffee?
KIRK: Yes, please.
LUKE: Your eyes are spinning in different directions.
KIRK: I've been up for one and a half days straight. I haven't done that since the "Petticoat Junction" marathon in '97.
LUKE: Right. Caught a little of that myself.
[He guides Kirk to a chair. Taylor enters the diner.]
TAYLOR: Luke, turkey sandwich on rye, please -- lettuce, tomato, cucumber.
LUKE: Coming right up.
KIRK: We're gonna do it, Taylor! We're gonna find those last twelve eggs!
TAYLOR: [ignores Kirk] Cole slaw, too.
KIRK: Every last one of them!
TAYLOR: And a pickle -- make it two.
KIRK: Joe and I can divide the square in two and sweep it clean till the job's done.
TAYLOR: I'm going to pay now and wait outside if you don't mind. [places sugar container on top of his money]
LUKE: I guess not.
KIRK: I'll take the east side, he'll take the west. That way we can --
TAYLOR: [slams sugar container on the counter] That's enough, Kirk!
KIRK: Hey, watch it.
TAYLOR: You're not satisfied that I'm suffering for what you've done to this town. You have to continue to personally torture me?
KIRK: We'll find the twelve!
TAYLOR: We won't find the twelve! You have brought disaster down upon us! Are you happy?!
KIRK: No.
TAYLOR: I left you in charge of things because I thought I could trust you, but you let me down. Now I have to cancel the flower show.
KIRK: No.
TAYLOR: I'm making the call tomorrow. The flower show is history.
KIRK: But we're only missing twelve!
TAYLOR: We have to find every last egg.
KIRK: Well, then, Joe and I --
TAYLOR: Joe just left for Cabala class. I have no men left.
KIRK: You have me left.
TAYLOR: I have no men left. [disgusted] I've lost my appetite.
[Taylor takes his money and leaves. Kirk looks forlorn.]
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE PATIO
[Lorelai and Rory enter from the house.]
LORELAI: Hi, guys. Wow, love the heaters.
EMILY: It's not too cold, is it? We thought we'd start the evening out here.
RORY: It's nice. [They wander to sit near Jason.]
RICHARD: No, no. I'm not seeing the olives that Floyd likes.
EMILY: They're in the back on the right. Is this cart in the best place?
RICHARD: Move it back?
EMILY: Move it back.
JASON: [murmuring] They keep moving everything back and forth -- the cart, the heater, me. I used to be over there.
LORELAI: They're perfectionists.
JASON: It's like watching an ant farm.
RICHARD: Oh! I should go grab that gin that Floyd likes. I've got some in the freezer.
EMILY: Maybe it was better in the other spot.
LORELAI: Patio looks great, Mom, really.
EMILY: I guess. Where's that awful light coming from?
RORY: I think it's the moon?
LORELAI: You're not thinking of having the moon moved, are you, Mom?
EMILY: I suppose it will move on its own at some point. [looks at Lorelai] You look nice.
LORELAI: Thank you.
EMILY: Why do you look so nice?
LORELAI: Because I knew this was an important night for you guys, I thought I would dress up a little.
[The doorbell rings.]
EMILY: They're here. Richard, they're here! [walks off]
RORY: You do look especially nice tonight.
LORELAI: What is with everyone? It's not like I'm always in dirty sweats fresh from slopping the pigs.
RORY: You know what I mean. You don't have that just-came-from-work look about you.
LORELAI: A girl can't dress up a little?
JASON: Your mom's a little nervous.
LORELAI: [shushes Jason] Ta-ta-ta-da.
RORY: Oh, right. You're meeting the parents. I actually had not put that together before. That's why you showered.
LORELAI: That's not why I showered.
[Richard, Emily, Floyd and Carol walk out onto the patio.]
RICHARD: Here we are!
CAROL: Oh, your patio is beautiful, Emily!
EMILY: Thank you, Carol.
CAROL: [to Jason] Hi, honey. [They hug.]
JASON: Hi, Mom.
RICHARD: Floyd, Carol, our daughter, Lorelai,
FLOYD: How do you do.
RICHARD: And our granddaughter, Rory.
FLOYD: Hello.
RORY: Hi.
LORELAI: We've met before, but a long time ago. Hi.
FLOYD: We remember you well.
CAROL: You didn't dress up for our benefit, I hope.
LORELAI: No, no. This is nothing weird.
RICHARD: How 'bout some beverages, everybody? Extra dry martini still your drink, Floyd?
FLOYD: Absolutely.
LORELAI: Same here, Dad.
RICHARD: And bourbon with a splash of branch water, right, Carol?
CAROL: Thank you, Richard. [looks around the patio] Oh, here, Emily. You've redone the patio. It's gorgeous!
EMILY: Don't you think?
CAROL: Oh, and those trees -- I love them. What are they?
EMILY: They're African. Come see.
[They walk off together. Jason, Lorelai and Floyd sit down with Rory.]
FLOYD: I'm trying to remember when we saw you last.
LORELAI: Ah, probably at camp.
FLOYD: Right, the day we came to pick up Jason. There was a talent show. You sang a duet with a pimply fellow.
LORELAI: "Crater Face" Cutler.
JASON: He's a litigator now. Very bitter man.
FLOYD: Well, the pimply fellow stank, but you were wonderful -- very charming.
LORELAI: It was from "Grease."
JASON: How Crater Face got his pimples?
LORELAI: No, my song -- "Summer Lovin'." I had to sit on his lap. It was very uncomfortable.
JASON: Crater Face had very bony knees.
FLOYD: [to Jason] And you did a dance with somebody, if I remember correctly.
LORELAI: Oh, yes, he cha-cha'd.
JASON: Well, thank you for bringing that up.
RORY: [to Lorelai] And thank you for never sending me to camp.
LORELAI: You were great. I liked when you and your partner knocked heads.
JASON: "Clubfoot" Cindy -- she married "Crater Face" Cutler. Beautiful children.
LORELAI: Huh.
RICHARD: Here are your drinks everybody. [approaches with drinks on tray, humming ] Uh, Rory, we left your soda inside.
RORY: Oh, I'll go get it.
FLOYD: I actually had a barbershop quartet at Yale. I was by far the weakest link. That reminds me. I have a story I've been dying to tell you ever since I heard it, Richard, about Herb Benson.
RICHARD: Oh, what's the rogue up to now?
FLOYD: Later. I don't want to bore the others.
RICHARD: I can't wait. Help me take the drinks down to the ladies?
FLOYD: Absolutely. Excuse us.
[Lorelai sighs.]
RICHARD: [in the distance] Alright, ladies?
JASON: [ Sighs ] Wow, look at that.
LORELAI: Groucho, Chico, Harpo, and Zeppo together again.
RORY: [enters] Excuse me, Grandma.
EMILY: Yes, sweetie?
RORY: Elsa said to say that dinner's in fifteen minutes.
EMILY: Did she ask you to do some vacuuming, too?
RORY: Um...no.
EMILY: She sends my granddaughter out to do her job.
FLOYD: How many maids has Emily been through, Richard? We used to keep a running count.
RICHARD: No, I'm afraid western mathematical principles cannot accommodate such a task.
JASON: My father is in a particularly good mood tonight.
LORELAI: Very.
JASON: He's only said two passive-aggressive things to me since he got here, which is astounding for him. By the way, may I be the fourteenth person this evening to say how great you look?
LORELAI: It's the shower. I gotta try that more often.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE DINING ROOM
[Carol and Floyd share grandchildren photos with Emily and Richard]
CAROL: Oh, this is our grandson's first step. We were so lucky to have the camera ready.
EMILY: Oh, that's darling.
RICHARD: Oh, ho, ho. He's gonna be big.
FLOYD: He's gonna start on the defensive line for the Bulldogs in 2021.
CAROL: [giggling] Floyd has it all worked out.
LORELAI: I believe that's you very lovingly holding your nephew, who looks very happy in your arms.
JASON: I just told him I'd opened a no-load mutual fund for him. Tracks the S&P.
LORELAI: You sentimental fool.
EMILY: You know, I have some terrific pictures of Rory. I should go get them.
RORY: But, Grandma, I'm right here.
EMILY: I know, but you're so big now.
LORELAI: Slouch down in your chair for Grandma, honey.
RORY: You know, if it's okay, I actually thought I might leave soon.
LORELAI: She's got a big paper due next week and lots of reading.
EMILY: Oh, yes, Rory. We've made you stay too long already.
RICHARD: Oh, yes, go, go.
CAROL: Thank you for looking like you weren't too bored all evening.
RORY: Oh, no, I wasn't, really. It was fun. Bye, Grandma. [kisses Emily's cheek]
RMILY: [to Lorelai] You have to go, too?
LORELAI: Oh, no, we came separately.
EMILY: Good.
RORY: Bye, Grandpa. [gives Richard a kiss]
RICHARD: Goodbye, Rory.
FLOYD: Lovely girl.
EMILY: Oh, she's a doll.
RICHARD: Well, I think this is the perfect time for those who are so inclined to enjoy a cigar. [rises from table]
LORELAI: All right, let's fire 'em up!
RICHARD: I meant the men, but would you like a cigar?
LORELAI: No, you guys go. Circle the fire. Pound your chests. We'll be waiting.
RICHARD: Floyd, Jason. [exits]
JASON: Let's do it.
EMILY: Well, let's let Elsa clean up and maybe keep her job. The living room all right?
LORELAI: We can bring the coffee?
EMILY: I was going to pour brandy.
LORELAI: Even better.
CAROL: Ooh, let's go. Oh, this evening has been so wonderful, Emily -- the two of us together again.
EMILY: Yes, it has.
CAROL: All those horrible things that happed with the business -- now, let's not let business come between us again.
EMILY: All that ugliness is in the past now, so we don't have to worry.
CAROL: Yes.
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE DEN
[The men are puffing on cigars.]
FLOYD: Smooth. '63?
RICHARD: '65. You can't get a '63 to save your life.
JASON: Still does the trick, though.
RICHARD: Oh, good port was as caught up in that ridiculous cigar boom a few years ago, remember?
FLOYD: Yes, yes.
RICHARD: Amateurs -- babes in diapers talking big in those cigar clubs, smoking Churchills down to the ring. Tobacco farmers harvested their crop green just to keep up with the demand.
FLOYD: If I remember correctly, you found a way to rectify the problem.
RICHARD: I couldn't get Hennessy's to put my favorite cigars aside for me -- this after twenty years of giving them my business.
FLOYD: Big mistake.
JASON: Love these kind of stories.
RICHARD: So I bypassed the bastards. I found their supplier. I swooped in and bought all of my favorites in bulk -- hundreds of boxes, cash on the barrel, so now Hennessy's couldn't get them.
JASON: Hundreds of boxes?
RICHARD: Oh, I couldn't have smoked them in three lifetimes, so I kindly offered to sell Hennessy's my excess supply. They leapt at it like dogs for a bone. And I made enough to pay for the boxes that I kept.
JASON: You're creative, Richard. It's one of your many strengths.
FLOYD: I'd say it's his main strength.
RICHARD: Who ever said an insurance man can't be creative?
FLOYD: It's one of the fallacies about what we do. People think it's dry, wooden, a bunch of automatons shuffling papers. On the contrary -- it breeds daily. It's life and death, what we do. [Richard nods.] It's a new drama every day -- almost Shakespearean.
RICHARD: "Richard III," "Macbeth."
FLOYD: What day doesn't necessitate courage, tenacity, and sometimes, like your cigar story, Richard, a little vengeance?
RICHARD: And that's all before lunch.
FLOYD: Our work is wonderful. I've always felt that way -- protective of what I do, protective of what I have.
JASON: I think my cigar is out.
FLOYD: That's why I'm suing you.
JASON: Dad.
RICHARD: You're joking.
FLOYD: I'm not joking. I'm suing your company. My lawyers will be contacting you Monday morning.
RICHARD: Floyd, you're not serious.
FLOYD: Richard, you didn't think I'd let Digger walk away with some of my oldest clients and not respond, did you? Are you that naive?
JASON: Dad, this is crazy.
FLOYD: You signed a noncompete clause with me, Digger.
JASON: And I didn't break that clause.
RICHARD: He didn't, Floyd. I studied Jason's contract, and only certain clients were off limits, and those remained off limits.
FLOYD: Alexander Barnes was off limits.
JASON: That was a social lunch, and you can't prove otherwise. You have no case.
FLOYD: Maybe, maybe not. But by the time the courts figure out the situation, I'll have buried you in legal fees. I know your financial situation, Richard. You can't survive a lengthy legal process.
RICHARD: So, this is just revenge, Floyd? Are we stooping that low?
FLOYD: You just described how strongly you felt about a bunch of cigars. How did you think I was going to feel about my business?
JASON: How did you know I had lunch with Alex, Dad? You have a private investigator tailing me?
FLOYD: This whole business is so distasteful, but what was I to do? I did what I had to do -- what Richard Gilmore would do. I think I should go now.
JASON: Don't -- Dad, don't leave. Call this off!
FLOYD: Sorry I didn't get to that anecdote, Richard. Maybe some other time. [exits]
JASON: Dad! [follows]
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE SITTING ROOM
EMILY: Rory did come out and she was a beautiful debutante -- the hit of the night.
LORELAI: She did so well, we had her go back in and come out again.
[loud voices approach]
RICHARD: Floyd, wait.
JASON: Dad, I will block the door if I have to.
FLOYD: I wouldn't suggest you do that, son.
EMILY: What is going on?
CAROL: I should get my purse. [She sets her drink down and rises.]
EMILY: Carol, no.
FLOYD: Excuse us, Emily. This is rude, but we have to go.
JASON: Mom, stay.
CAROL: It's too late, Jason.
EMILY: What's going on? Richard?
FLOYD: I apologize, for how this ended.
RICHARD: We are not unprepared for a fight. We are capitalized.
FLOYD: Only because you put your pension up as collateral on all your loans, Richard.
RICHARD: How did you -
FLOYD: It's a small community, our community. Endangering your pension, Richard -- it's reckless.
JASON: Which PI did you have on me? Paluso, I assume?
FLOYD: He's the best. He gets everything. It's how I found out your daughter is dating my son.
EMILY: That's not true.
[Richard looks at Lorelai]
FLOYD: Sorry we spoiled your secret, son. We'll see ourselves out. Come on, Carol.
JASON: Dad, wait! Richard, Emily, this isn't gonna happen, period. It will resolve quickly and in our favor. Excuse me. Dad! [dashes off] Okay, now, forgetting the insufferable way that you presented this subject --[becoming more faint]
[There is a long uncomfortable silence until Jason returns.]
RICHARD: We need to talk. [He exits with Jason following.]
EMILY: You brought your own car, didn't you?
LORELAI: Yes.
EMILY: You don't need to stay. You can go.
LORELAI: I'm blocked in.
EMILY: Oh.
[Another long silence. Emily eventually walks off leaving Lorelai alone.]
CUT TO DEN
JASON: Richard, you have every right to be angry.
RICHARD: Oh, you're damn right I do. To be humiliated like this in my own house?!
JASON: It was unconscionable.
RICHARD: Why didn't you see this coming?
JASON: You know him, Richard. He doesn't show his hand. He sweet-talked us on the golf course, got himself invited to dinner. The man is a sociopath!
RICHARD: Tell me if you've done anything -- anything illegal.
JASON: Nothing, Richard, I swear to you -- nothing.
RICHARD: The lunch with Alex?
JASON: Social -- we're friends.
RICHARD: Why should I believe you?
JASON: Because I'm not stupid enough to do anything illegal or think that I could get anything illegal by you. I do push boundaries, Richard, but I never cross them -- ever.
RICHARD: How long have you been seeing my daughter?
JASON: Five months.
RICHARD: For five months you've been lying to me.
JASON: Yes, but it was a white lie. [Richard gasps] It was a timing issue. It would have complicated our relationship, yours and mine, and we didn't know if it would last, so we took a path. It was the wrong path, and I am sorry about that, too.
RICHARD: You've got a lot to be sorry about.
JASON: I do. My damned father. I should have seen this coming. As well as I know him, I keep underestimating him.
RICHARD: [ Sighs ] We both should have seen this coming.
JASON: I can make this go away.
RICHARD: How?
JASON: It's a bluff. You know my father. He hates giving money to lawyers, and this action is gonna cost him big.
RICHARD: That is true.
JASON: So we will counter sue. It's a wrongful lawsuit. We will make him pay.
RICHARD: Possibly.
JASON: And I will do anything to win back your trust, Richard. You have been so good to me. Please...let me try.
RICHARD: Okay. You've got my trust. Go get him.
JASON: Thank you, Richard. Thank you. And also, I'm gonna work on my golf game -- get it up to snuff so I stop embarrassing you around the greens.
RICHARD: [ Chuckling ] Yeah, do that.
JASON: Thank you, Richard.
[Door closes as Jason exits]
CUT TO EXTERIOR OF ELDER GILMORE HOUSE
[Lorelai attempts to escape tight parking in her Jeep]
LORELAI: [sighs as she move forward an inch] God. [sighs as she moves back an inch]
JASON: [approaches and talks through car window] I have a gigantic bottle of vodka at my place -- the largest bottle of vodka known to man.
LORELAI: But what will you drink?
JASON: Gin.
LORELAI: Let's go.
CUT TO STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE - NIGHT
[Delirious, Kirk staggers though the square. He's still searching for eggs, still empty-handed.]
KIRK: Eggs. Gotta get the eggs. [He almost runs into a couple.]
GIRL: Whoa.
GUY: Whoa, buddy.
KIRK: Eggs. [He turns and frightens an old woman on the sidewalk.] Aaah!
WOMAN: Aaah! [She runs away.]
KIRK: Aaah! [He stumbles further and collapses to ground. He looks up and sees Luke standing before him.] Flower show's tomorrow. Flower show's tomorrow, and I can't find the last twelve eggs. [crying] I let Taylor down. He's like a father to me. I think he is my father.
LUKE: He's not your father.
KIRK: No, my father's my father, which means Taylor's my tailor. I wonder how much he charges to hem pants.
LUKE: He's not your tailor.
KIRK: I let him down! I let Taylor down. I let the whole town down. He won't like me anymore.
[Luke drops a plastic bag full of eggs on the ground before Kirk.]
KIRK: What's this?
LUKE: It's the last twelve eggs.
KIRK: The last --
LUKE: you picked some screwy places to hide them. Don't do that again.
KIRK: The last twelve?
LUKE: Tell Taylor you found them. Be the hero. [walks away]
KIRK: [climbs to feet] Thank you. Thank you! [shouting] I love you, Luke Danes! I love you!
LUKE: [muttering to himself] I'm stupid.
KIRK: [yelling loudly] I love you! I love Luke Danes! Love, love!
CUT TO INTERIOR OF RORY'S CAR - SAME NIGHT
[Rory is driving down Stars Hollow's main street. She slows to a stop when she sees Dean run out of an alley toward her car.]
DEAN: Hey. Come on.
RORY: What? Where?
DEAN: I want to talk to you. Come on. [Rory follows Dean into an alley.] I've been trying to call your cell.
RORY: I didn't have it on.
DEAN: I'm sorry, okay? I'm really sorry.
RORY: About what?
DEAN: I was a jerk at your dorm. I yelled.
RORY: You didn't yell.
DEAN: I got upset, and I shouldn't have.
RORY: No, Dean, I'm the jerk. Hounding you about school like that -- it all came out wrong. It's your life. It's your decision.
DEAN: No, I shouldn't have sniped like that.
RORY: I deserved it.
DEAN: You were concerned.
RORY: I want the best for you, and I think school is it. I still think that, but it's not up to me. I just don't want you to settle.
DEAN: Yeah, I know you don't. Sometimes it seems like you're the only one who doesn't. [ Sighs ]
RORY: I think Lindsay may have overheard me saying stuff at Doose's.
DEAN: Yeah.
RORY: I feel even worse about that. I've got such a big mouth.
DEAN: No, it's okay.
RORY: She must have been really upset.
DEAN: Kind of.
RORY: I didn't mean to hurt her feelings.
DEAN: She'll be okay.
RORY: She knows we talk, right -- that we're friends?
DEAN: She does now. She doesn't want me talking to you anymore.
RORY: Oh. Well, I guess that's understandable.
DEAN: I don't want that to happen.
RORY: I don't want that to happen either.
DEAN: Then it's not gonna happen.
RORY: Should you get home?
DEAN: Yeah.
RORY: Me too.
[Rory watches as Dean walks away.]
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE HOUSE BACK PATIO - SAME NIGHT
[Richard stands by the fence with drink in hand. Emily joins him.]
EMILY: Is it true? Did you put your pension up as collateral? Are we in trouble?
RICHARD: It's going to work out, Emily. It'll be okay.
EMILY: You and Jason talked?
RICHARD: It's going to be okay.
CUT TO JASON'S TOWNHOUSE - SAME NIGHT
[On sofa, a tipsy Lorelai uses hand signals to a tipsy Jason.]
JASON: Uh, three words. Four words. Two words. Okay, you suck at charades.
LORELAI: We're playing charades?
JASON: Yeah, weren't we?
LORELAI: You're drunk.
JASON: You're drunk.
LORELAI: Don't drunk and drive.
JASON: I would not thunk it.
LORELAI: That's a fun game to play.
JASON: What?
LORELAI: The "changing words into funny words" game.
JASON: [ Sighs ] Oh, I'm sleepy.
LORELAI: Hey, you know, your father was terrific until the end.
JASON: Yeah, the end was kind of bad.
LORELAI: It's like falling 600 feet to your death. You know, it's fun the first 599 feet, but it's just the last foot -- total sucko.
JASON: Yeah, it's a bummer -- that last foot. But, you know, there is a bright side to this evening.
LORELAI: The moon?
JASON: No, but the moon was very bright. At least our relationship is out in the open -- no more hiding.
LORELAI: Yeah, no more hiding. I'll drink to that.
JASON: And I got Richard calm, and I'll work my magic, which is what I do.
LORELAI: Dad's head looked like it was gonna go full-out piñata.
JASON: It'll be okay. He and I are going golfing in a couple days. That always puts him a good mood.
LORELAI: Yeah. Your plant is dead. How did it die so quickly?
JASON: It may have been self-inflicted.
LORELAI: Poor thing. Are you okay, though? Am I being enough supportive? Reversed those last two words.
JASON: No, I'm fine. In a weird way, my father trying to destroy me is the first time I've ever gotten any real respect out of him.
LORELAI: Hmm. Cool. Clink. [glasses clink]
CUT TO SAME EXCLUSIVE GOLF COURSE ON FAIRWAY
[Richard completes his drive with a big swing.]
FLOYD: Nice shot! Beautiful!
RICHARD: Your charity is limitless
FLOYD: You're just warming up. You've always been a closer.
RICHARD: Too true. So, we're done with the broad strokes?
FLOYD: I believe so. I'll drop the lawsuit. We'll split the clients evenly. You'll come back to the firm -- have your own company under our umbrella.
RICHARD: And Jason is out.
FLOYD: Jason's out. You'll be returning a hero, Richard.
RICHARD: Hmm. Music to my ears.
FLOYD: Beautiful day today.
RICHARD: Beautiful. | Plan: A: Luke; Q: Who comes to Kirk's rescue when Kirk fails to make a map of the Easter eggs he hid in the town square? A: the diner; Q: Where do Sookie and Jackson bring their son? A: Stars Hollow; Q: What town is amused when Taylor returns from his Caribbean cruise with a drastic change in his appearance? A: Richard; Q: Who resolves his problems with Floyd at Jason's expense? A: months; Q: How long have Lorelai and Jason been dating? A: joint; Q: What part of Taylor's nose did Kirk's failure to make a map of the Easter eggs get out of? A: Floyd's peacemaking overtures; Q: What is a disguise for Floyd's plan to ruin Richard financially? A: his clients; Q: What is Floyd suing Richard for stealing? A: Lane; Q: Who does Rory shop with in Doose's? A: harsh words; Q: What does Rory say to Lindsay about Dean's plans to drop out of college? A: Lindsay; Q: Who does Dean and Rory agree to continue their friendship despite her demand that they stop speaking to each other? A: Dean; Q: Who does Rory have a quarrel with about dropping out of college? A: college; Q: What is Dean planning to drop out of to earn more money to buy a house? Summary: Luke makes a bigger fuss than Davey when Sookie and Jackson bring their son into the diner; all of Stars Hollow is amused when Taylor returns from his Caribbean cruise with a drastic change in his appearance; Richard and Emily are stunned when Floyd informs them that Lorelai and Jason have been dating for months; Luke comes to the rescue when Kirk's failure to make a map of the Easter eggs he hid in the town square gets Taylor's nose out of joint; Richard and Jason discover that Floyd's peacemaking overtures are a disguise for his plan to ruin Richard financially by suing them for stealing his clients; while shopping with Lane in Doose's, Rory has harsh words about Lindsay as she relates her quarrel with Dean over his plans to drop out of college to earn more money to buy a house, unaware that his wife is listening in the next aisle; Richard resolves his problems with Floyd at Jason's expense; Dean and Rory agree to continue their friendship despite Lindsay's demand that they stop speaking to each other. |
EXT. CAR - MOVING
WESTFALL: Woo-hoo! VA Beach here we come!
JANSSEN: Now you're sure this girl has a friend, Westfall?
WESTFALL: Look, would I lie to you?
JANSSEN: (BEAT) In a heartbeat.
WESTFALL: You know what? That hurts. Yes, she has a friend.
JANSSEN: Yeah? What's she look like?
WESTFALL: Karen says she's very blond.
JANSSEN: Mentally or physically?
WESTFALL: Look, we're out to have fun.
JANSSEN: Right. So how dumb is she?
WESTFALL: Uh, thirty eight double D.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAR CONTINUES DRIVING)
(SFX: SIREN)
WESTFALL: Oh, damn it.
JANSSEN: How fast were you going/
WESTFALL: Seventy five.(SFX: CAR BRAKES TO A STOP)
JANSSEN: That's what you get for screwing a buddy over.
WESTFALL: Hey, pull out your military I.D. Maybe he'll let us slide with a warning.
(SFX: OFFICER WALKS TO THE CAR)
WESTFALL: Sorry about that, Officer. My friend and I were just on our way to--
(SFX: MULTIPLE MUFFLED GUNSHOTS)
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES /CREDITS AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
(SFX: KATE SKETCHING)
MCGEE: Is that Tony?
KATE: No.
MCGEE: Are you sure? It really resembles--
KATE: Is there a reason you've been haunting my desk all week?
MCGEE: Uh, no. I was just ...
KATE: Or maybe you just decided to take over DiNozzo's job of annoying me while he's on sick leave.
MCGEE: I just wanted to check that everything was okay.
KATE: Why wouldn't it be?
MCGEE: Well, you and Tony were close and, you know...
KATE: No, I don't know. What?
MCGEE: He almost died.
KATE: We're N.C.I.S. agents, McGee. There is a chance one of us might die every time we walk through the door.
MCGEE: Yeah, but I'm the idiot that handed him an envelope full of the plague.
KATE: Tim, it's not your fault. Look, if you want to think about something, why don't you think about all of the times that Tony has insulted us, invaded our privacy, the fact that he almost died owing us all money.
MCGEE: That's true. He can be pretty obnoxious.
KATE: Uh-huh.
(SFX: PHONE RINGS)
MCGEE: Do you miss him as much as I do?
KATE: More. It's part of his charm. It's like an ex-rated Peter Pan. You know he told all the girls downstairs you're gay, right? Said it would cut down on the competition.
MCGEE: (BEAT) That b*st*rd!
KATE: Hold onto that feeling and you're going to be just fine.
MCGEE: Do you want to know what he said about you?
KATE: Mmm.
MCGEE: That you tried to sleep with him when you were in Paraguay.
KATE: I will kill him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS ELEVATOR - DAY
GIBBS: Are you sure you're up for this?
TONY: Never felt better.
GIBBS: Yeah.
TONY: Yeah.
GIBBS: You look like crap.
TONY: I missed you too, Boss.
GIBBS: You've got another week of sick leave coming, Tony. You should take it.
TONY: I was going crazy at home. Maybe I'm not a hundred percent, but you need me. Okay, what about Kate and McGee? They're practically lost without me.
GIBBS: They got more work done in the last two weeks than in the whole year.
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
TONY: They did miss me, right?
GIBBS: Yeah. Something like that.
TONY: I can't wait to see their faces!
KATE: (INTO PHONE) You did the right thing. Where is the car exactly?
TONY: (SHOUTS) Hi, Kate!
KATE: (INTO PHONE) Sorry about that, Captain. Where did you say the car was?
TONY: Must be important. Probie, did you miss me?! Long time no--
KATE: (INTO PHONE) Thank you, Captain.
TONY: What's wrong with him?
KATE: Virginia State Police just got a nine-one-one call, Gibbs. Two dead sailors.
GIBBS: Where?
KATE: In a car off Route Seventeen in Fredericksburg.
GIBBS: Let's roll! Gas the truck.
TONY: Sure.
MCGEE: On it, Boss.
TONY: Maybe I did die.
GIBBS: Feel that?
TONY: Feel what?
(GIBBS HITS TONY)
TONY: Ow!
GIBBS: You're still alive. Welcome back, DiNozzo!
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROAD - DAY
KATE: Looks like the shooter knew what he was doing, Gibbs. Tight groupings, three rounds each.
GIBBS: Everyone of them a kill shot. Passengers Curtis Janssen. Pensacola, Florida. No military ID. Credit cards and money are intact.
KATE: So it wasn't a robbery?
GIBBS: Depends.
KATE: On what?
GIBBS: On what else is missing, Kate.
KATE: Looks like the killer tried to clean up.
GIBBS: Not exactly.
KATE: Ah! Oh.
GIBBS: We knew he took at least two things with him when he left.
KATE: He needed his prints?
GIBBS: Bag it.
TONY: Boss! State cops ran the Mustang's plates. It's a rental car out of Dulles Airport. I got a call into his--
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY TUMBLES DOWN THE HILL)
TONY: Ow.
GIBBS: Are you okay?
TONY: I'm just trying to catch my breath.
GIBBS: Should have taken that extra week off, DiNozzo. Help him up, Kate. We'll see what's keeping Ducky.
KATE: Does that hurt?
TONY: Yep.
KATE: Good.
GIBBS: Where the hell are they, McGee?
MCGEE: Well, Palmer must have taken a wrong turn again, Boss.
(SFX: VAN BRAKES TO A STOP)
DUCKY: You should have known right was wrong.
JIMMY: Doctor, I just--
DUCKY: You should have known right meant left! I'm terribly sorry, Jethro. Mister Palmer got us lost again.
JIMMY: Doctor, you had the map!
DUCKY: You gave it to me.
JIMMY: Sir, for the record I....
(JIMMY AND DUCKY WALK O.S.)
TONY: Looks like a professional hit. Probably took the hands to confirm the kill.
KATE: McGee told me what you said.
TONY: Did he now? Oh, come on. I was joking around. I didn't think he'd really believe me.
KATE: Really? And why's that?
TONY: Anyone looking at you can tell your breasts are real.
KATE: You told him I had breast implants?!
TONY: (BEAT) No.
KATE: You know what, Tony?! I can't even believe I worried about you. You are nothing but a--
TONY: Snake.
KATE: Yeah, exactly.
TONY: No, big-big-big-big snake. Down there.
(KATE GASPS)
KATE: Tell me it's not poisonous.
TONY: I think it is.
(SFX: KATE WHIMPERS)
KATE: Eeuu!
TONY: Okay.
KATE: What is it doing?
TONY: It's wrapping around your leg.
KATE: Do something, Tony!
TONY: Okay! I'll try and grab it. Just don't make any sudden moves, all right?
KATE: What if you miss it?
TONY: They do this stuff on the Discovery Channel all the time. How hard can it be?
KATE: Oh, screw it! I'm going to shoot it.
TONY: Hey, put that gun away. You're going to blow your foot off. Let me do this.
KATE: God, my life in your hands... I knew it was going to end this way.
TONY: Quiet. You're making me nervous. Now, about there. Ah. Gotcha!
(SFX: KATE CRIES B.G.)
KATE: Okay, I'll give you this much. You do have your moments.
TONY: So are we friends again?
MCGEE: Oh, cool corn snake. Can I hold him?
KATE: No, it's poisonous, McGee!
MCGEE: Actually they're not, Kate.
TONY: Yes they are, McGee.
MCGEE: What about that one you caught at Shenandoah State Park? You had it around your neck for like an hour.
TONY: That near-fatal illness may have clouded my memory.
KATE: You're such a loser!
(KATE HITS TONY)
KATE: All right, back to work. McGee, check the trunk. Nobody touches dead bodies until Ducky says all clear
TONY: Freeze, McGee! Don't move! Car's wired to explode. Looks like the detonator's tied to the trunk.
MCGEE: What?
KATE: How far did you turn the key?
MCGEE: Uh... not sure. Almost all the way, I think.
TONY: Okay, don't let it snap back, all right?
MCGEE: Yeah.
TONY: Let go.
MCGEE: Okay.
TONY: Okay, both of you run!
KATE: Tony, we're not leaving you standing--
TONY: I'm a lot faster than you are! I'll be right behind you. This is not a debate, okay? This thing might be primed already. Anthony, you should have taken that extra week.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY RUNS FROM THE CAR)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. DIRT ROAD - DAY
MCGEE: (SHOUTS) It's the car!
KATE: (SHOUTS) It's wired to--
(SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION)
KATE: (SHOUTS) Tony!!!!
TONY: (GASPING) Boss, you remember when I said I never felt better? (BEAT) I lied.
(MUSIC OUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY
TONY: I'm telling you, I'm fine.
DUCKY: One thirty six over eighty-four is not fine for you, Tony. Your blood pressure is high.
TONY: Almost getting blown up tends to do that to me. Not to mention hanging around Kate when she's in one of her moods.
KATE: This isn't funny, DiNozzo.
TONY: No, it's not. If I didn't come in to work today, you and McGee would be lying on one of those tables over there.
DUCKY: Well at least your temperature is pretty normal.
TONY: Yeah, I'm good to go.
(SFX: TONY GROANS)
DUCKY: Muscle soreness?
TONY: Only when I move or breathe.
DUCKY: Yes, clearly you haven't quite recovered from your bout with Y. pestis. You need a rest.
TONY: No, I need to get back to work, Ducky.
KATE: Damn it, Tony. I should just take you home and get you in bed. (BEAT) Okay, that didn't come out the way I intended.
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
GIBBS: What didn't, Kate?
KATE: Oh, I was just saying....
KATE: She was just expressing our concern for Tony.
GIBBS: Yeah? How is he?
DUCKY: Stubborn, pigheaded, and unaware of his own limitations.
GIBBS: Sounds about right.
DUCKY: I haven't finished with you yet.
GIBBS: Did we get a positive I.D. here yet, Duck?
TONY: So are you buying me dinner first or should we go back to your pl--
(KATE HITS TONY)
DUCKY: Fortunately the skulls remained relatively in tact.
JIMMY: The problem is sorting out which parts belong with whom.
GIBBS: Yeah, I can see that, Palmer.
DUCKY: The dental records were conclusive. Passengers were Navy Lieutenants Dean Westfall and Curtis Janssen.
TONY: Well that checks. According to the car rental place, Westfall rented a Mustang two months ago.
GIBBS: Kate, pull up the service records. Have McGee find out who made that nine-one-one call.
KATE: On it.
GIBBS: Tony.
TONY: Yeah?
GIBBS: Go lie down before you pass out.
TONY: I'm not going to pass out. I might cry a little, maybe feel sorry for myself. But DiNozzos do not pass out. Coming, Boss.
KATE: Can't you do something, Ducky?
DUCKY: I'm doing it right now.
KATE: What?
DUCKY: Praying.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: Are you going to be okay?
TONY: Sure.
MCGEE: You're not looking so hot.
TONY: Well, at least that's an improvement.
MCGEE: Over what?
TONY: According to Gibbs, I look like crap.
MCGEE: You know Kate has really been worried about you.
TONY: Kate worries about everything.
MCGEE: No no no. I mean really worried.
TONY: What's your point, Probie?
MCGEE: Well, I think that maybe... you know...
TONY: (CHUCKLES) Me and Kate?! It would never happen.
MCGEE: Why not?
TONY: She's too smart for that. You know what - you don't believe me? She's coming right now.
KATE: Gibbs wants to know who made that nine-one-one call this morning, Tim.
MCGEE: On it.
KATE: Where's DiNozzo?
MCGEE: Uh... I think he's laying down somewhere.
KATE: Oh, good. He needs it.
MCGEE: You care a lot about him, don't you, Kate?
KATE: Well, he's my teammate. What do you think?
MCGEE: I don't know. Sometimes I think it might be more than that.
KATE: Tony? Are you kidding?
MCGEE: Oh, come on. You never thought about it?
KATE: Well, I guess there are times when Tony can be... charming, warm, not completely obnoxious.
MCGEE: Right, so if he wasn't your teammate?
KATE: Oh, that's a tough one. Well, on the plus side, he is smart, brave. Not to mention kind of hot. You know, in a different world I could see myself marrying someone like him.
(KATE POURS WATER ON TONY)
TONY: Ah! (LONG BEAT) Very funny.
GIBBS: Hey, I thought I told you to lie down!
TONY: I was. I am.
GIBBS: Not here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ABBY MIXES VIALS)
TONY: Well hey there, little lady.
ABBY: Tony, you're back! I missed you!
TONY: Ow-ow-ow!
ABBY: What's wrong? Did I hurt you?
TONY: I'm fine. Just a little sore, you know, from the explosion and all.
ABBY: I'm sorry. Do you want to sit down?
TONY: Well, I was kind of thinking about lying down next to your little refrigerator thingy over here.
ABBY: Sure sure.
TONY: Oh, yes.
ABBY: Here, you can use Bert as a pillow.
(SFX: FLATULENCE)
ABBY: He's supposed to make that noise.
TONY: You have a stuffed animal that farts?
ABBY: Yeah, it's cool, huh?
TONY: Yeah, in a disturbing way. So what did I miss?
(SFX: FLATULENCE)
ABBY: Gibbs has been really cranky since you've been gone. I think his knee is bothering him again. And Kate broke up with some lawyer guy, which is really good because he wasn't very big on personal hygiene.
(SFX: FLATULENCE)
TONY: About the case, Abs. I got a glimpse of the bomb. It was definitely a pro job.
ABBY: You are correct, Sir. I've run ten samples. The main electric charge is C-four. It's primed with DET cord and blasting caps.(SFX: FLATULENCE)
TONY: So we should be able to trace the source of the manufacturer?
ABBY: You'd think so, but no.
TONY: Abby, every military explosive over the last twenty years has had taggants mixed in for identification purposes.
ABBY: Yeah, but these don't.
TONY: Are you telling me this guy made this stuff from scratch?
ABBY: Mm-mm. The compositions are exact. It's off the shelf.
TONY: That's not possible. How's that possible?
ABBY: It shouldn't be possible.
GIBBS: Oh, it's possible.
(SFX: FLATULENCE)
TONY: That was the stuffed animal, Boss. Right Abby?
ABBY: What stuffed animal?
GIBBS: Abs, are you sure these explosives aren't traceable?
ABBY: Um, so far. But I'm still checking.
GIBBS: What about the detonator?
ABBY: Also weird. The electronics are fairly simple, but there's no serial numbers on anything. It's like it's been sanitized.
(SFX: FLATULENCE)
GIBBS: Let's go, DiNozzo. We've got problems. Someone's trying to kill us again.
TONY: I don't think he meant that literally.
(SFX: FLATULENCE)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) Okay, thanks, Lieutenant. We'll still need a copy of that dispatch tape. (TO GIBBS) Boss, according to State Police the nine-one-one call was--
GIBBS: Anonymous?
MCGEE: Yes. And it was also--
GIBBS: Untraceable.
MCGEE: Yeah. Uh... they're sending out a tape of the call over.
GIBBS: Kate, what do we know about the Lieutenants?
KATE: They're both pilots, Gibbs. Lieutenant Curtis Janssen is an instructor in Pensacola.
GIBBS: What's he doing in Virginia?
KATE: According to his unit he was on leave visiting his friend. Lieutenant Dean Westfall also out of Pensacola, but for the last two months has been T.A.D. at the Aberdeen Proving Ground in Maryland.
MCGEE: Proving ground?
TONY: That's where they test new military equipment. Technology, Probie. Maybe they used Westfall's prints to access the base.
KATE: I checked, Tony. None of Aberdeen's security systems rely on fingerprint or palm scanners.
GIBBS: What was he working on there?
KATE: Classified. I will find out.
TONY: So what's going on, Boss?
GIBBS: Car didn't have any military decals. Lieutenants were wearing civvies.
MCGEE: And the nine-one-one caller specifically said that it was two dead sailors.
GIBBS: Someone wanted NCIS to investigate the scene.
KATE: Why?
GIBBS: The same reason they rigged that car to explode, Kate.
TONY: We were set up. So someone really is trying to kill us?
GIBBS: Yeah, they came pretty damn close.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC - DAY
MORROW: (V.O.) You're absolutely certain about this, Jethro?
GIBBS: Someone went to a lot of trouble to try to get us out there on that road today, Director.
MORROW: For what purpose?
GIBBS: Unclear, but what concerns me is the explosive used; military high grade, extremely difficult to trace. Tough to get outside of certain circles.
MORROW: You're not suggesting another agency?
GIBBS: I'm not suggesting anything, Sir. All I know is I've pissed off a lot of people over the years.
MORROW: I would ask you to keep your suspicions to yourself.
GIBBS: Can I ask why, Sir?
MORROW: There may be other factors involved.
GIBBS: Like what, Sir?
MORROW: Currently, I'm not at liberty to discuss it.
GIBBS: I almost lost my entire team out there today. If there's something I should know.
MORROW: This is not open to discussion, Agent Gibbs.
GIBBS: Yes, Sir.
MORROW: You're dismissed.
GIBBS: You have a good evening, Sir.
(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)
(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)
MORROW: Get me the Director of the F.B.I.
NCIS TECH: Yes, Sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: You want some?
TONY: No, thank you.
MCGEE: He just passed on free food.
KATE: Maybe he is dying.
TONY: Well, I haven't had much of an appetite lately, Kate, on account of having the pneumonic plague.
KATE: Yeah, I know, Tony. I was there. You don't have to keep bringing it up every five minutes.
TONY: It's not every day you escape the clutches of the Black Death, Kate. It was a life-changing experience.
MCGEE: How so, Tony?
TONY: Ask Kate, she was there.
GIBBS: Kate, I want to know what Westfall was doing in Aberdeen by the time I get back.
KATE: Where are you going?
GIBBS: Out. McGee, I want other reasons why someone would chop off his hands. Tony? Eat something.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
(SFX: MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS B.G.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
MCGEE: Why take someone's hands?
TONY: Trophies?
MCGEE: But why leave the other Lieutenant's?
KATE: If he's chopping hands off, I don't think we can expect him to be rational, McGee.
MCGEE: We've got trouble.
KATE: What was your first hint?
TONY: The two dead bodies downstairs or the explosion, McGee?
MCGEE: No, I mean FBI trouble.
(FORNELL ENTERS THE ROOM)
KATE: Fornell?
TONY: We must be in worse shape than we thought.
FORNELL: Where's Gibbs?
KATE: He's not here.
FORNELL: Where is he, Agent Todd??
KATE: He's out. Try him on his cell.
FORNELL: I did. He's not answering.
TONY: What's going on?
FORNELL: Ari Haswari is back in country.
KATE: You let that psycho back in the States without telling us?!
FORNELL: He was supposed to be helping us uncover an Al Qaeda cell in the D.C. area.
TONY: What do you mean "supposed to", Fornell?
FORNELL: We now think he's here for more personal reasons. He's planning on killing Gibbs.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
(GIBBS WALKS FROM THE RESTAURANT AND WATCHES HASWARI)
(MUSIC OUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
ARI HASWARI: Washington is such a lovely city this time of year. Don't you agree, Special Agent Gibbs? (BEAT) Not much of a conversationalist, are we?
GIBBS: I am mostly waiting here, Ari.
ARI HASWARI: Oh, for what?
GIBBS: A reason to shoot you again. Someone tried to kill my team today. I'm thinking it was you.
ARI HASWARI: You wound me, Gibbs. If it was me, I'd be dead already.
GIBBS: You're still coming in with me for questioning.
ARI HASWARI: Unfortunately, I have made other arrangements for the evening.
GIBBS: It wasn't a request.
ARI HASWARI: I know. That's why I took the precaution of planting an explosive device under one of these tables. Be a good NCIS agent. I may even tell you where.
GIBBS: What are you doing here?
ARI HASWARI: An Al Qaeda cell is planning an attack in Washington. I'm here to stop it.
GIBBS: Yeah, what's the target?
ARI HASWARI: I don't know.
GIBBS: Where is the cell located?
ARI HASWARI: I wish I knew.
GIBBS: You're doing a hell of a job for a Mossad Double Agent.
ARI HASWARI: I can, however, gain access to that information. But it comes at a price, one you may not be willing to pay.
GIBBS: Try me.
ARI HASWARI: Al Qaeda sent me here to conduct my own mission as a test. I pass and I'm allowed into the Washington cell. They want me to kill you. You don't seem surprised.
GIBBS: That means that I'm doing my job.
ARI HASWARI: Yes. And in order for me to do mine, you have to die. I wonder, what would you do in my position?
GIBBS: Kill myself.
(ARI LAUGHS)
ARI HASWARI: Sadly not an option. That's the one part of my religion that I subscribe to.
GIBBS: I can help you out with that.
ARI HASWARI: A kind offer, to be sure. I also have one for you.
GIBBS: I'm listening.
ARI HASWARI: You have twenty-four hours to find and eliminate the cell. If you fail...
GIBBS: I appreciate the heads up.
ARI HASWARI: It's the least I could do. (LONG BEAT) How's Caitlyn, by the way? I've thought of her often since my last visit.
GIBBS: Go near her and I don't care what government agency is watching your back, I will kill you this time.
ARI HASWARI: I wouldn't have it any other way.
GIBBS: Where is the device?
ARI HASWARI: Oh, I almost forgot. I lied. There is none.
(SFX: MOTORCYCLE STARTS)
(ARI DRIVES O.S.)
(GIBBS LOOKS UNDERNEATH THE TABLE)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS RUNNING TO THE DUMPSTER)
(SFX: HUGE EXPLOSION)
(SFX: CAR ALARM B.G.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Please call me back. (TO KATE) That's twenty messages I left. We should look for him, McGee.
GIBBS: Look for who?
TONY: We've been calling you for the last hour, Boss.
GIBBS: Well, yeah. My ringer thing got turned off.
TONY: You're not gong to believe who's back in town.
GIBBS: Ari.
TONY: Maybe you will.
MCGEE: Fornell said that he's here to--
GIBBS: Yeah, I know. I just had coffee with him.
TONY: So what happened?
GIBBS: He tried to kill me. We find out what Westfall was doing in Aberdeen yet?
MCGEE: Uh, Boss, aren't you going to elaborate a little bit first?
GIBBS: Yeah, McGee! I'm alive! Now tell me about Westfall.
MCGEE: Uh... he was only attached to Aberdeen. He was actually working with an aerospace contractor in Maryland. Danborn Avionics.
GIBBS: Doing what?
TONY: Testing field service modules or something like that. I have no idea. The FBI sent a team over to the company to investigate their security.
GIBBS: The FBI?
TONY: Lots happened in the last hour, Boss.
GIBBS: Where's Fornell?
TONY: MTAC.
GIBBS: Make the ringer thing work.
(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)
MCGEE: Is it me or did he take the whole Ari situation really well?
TONY: That's because he's looking forward to it.
MCGEE: Looking forward to what?
TONY: Finally getting to kill him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. STAIRWELL - NIGHT
(DOOR CLOSES)
GIBBS: How long did you know that b*st*rd was here?
FORNELL: We had our reasons, Gibbs.
GIBBS: How long?
FORNELL: About a week. We didn't know what his cover mission was with Al Qaeda until today.
GIBBS: I'm taking him down.
FORNELL: Not this time. The FBI can handle this.
GIBBS: The civilians in the coffee ship that he tried to blow up today will probably disagree with you, Tobias.
FORNELL: Look, if it was up to me I'd put a round through his forehead. It's not. You're sitting this one out.
GIBBS: You gonna try to stop me?
FORNELL: No. No, not me, Jethro.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC - NIGHT
MORROW: Ari has been declared off limits. NCIS will have no further involvement in the case.
GIBBS: You're kidding, Sir?
MORROW: I've also been ordered to place you under protective custody... for your own safety.
GIBBS: Meaning for Ari's?
MORROW: Take it for what it is. A direct order, Agent Gibbs. And you damn well better follow it to the letter.
GIBBS: Yes, Sir. I'd also like to take this opportunity to offer you my resignation, Sir.
MORROW: And I will accept it... after you've completed your current case.
GIBBS: Sir?
MORROW: Have you found any evidence connecting Ari to the murder of our two Naval officers?
GIBBS: No, we haven't, Sir.
MORROW: I will now hand you over to our federally certified protective custody expert, Agent Todd. I hear she used to protect the President. You should be flattered. He's all yours. I expect you to follow her orders to the letter, as if they were mine.
KATE: That last part? He meant it. (V.O.) In his home...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
KATE: ... two teams. Six hour shifts, alternating radio checks every ten minutes. Outside I want a mobile foot patrol and two permanent observation posts.
TONY: Gibbs is not going to like that.
KATE: Well screw what he likes, Tony. I'm not going to let that psycho within five miles of Gibbs. McGee, I need full audio and video surveillance inside and out. Everything tied back into MTAC.
MCGEE: You've got it, Kate.
GIBBS: Go home. It's late.
KATE: Gibbs, I don't think we're going to be going home.
GIBBS: I'm staying here. I do not need an army of agents staying up all night watching me build a boat.
KATE: You won't leave the building?
GIBBS: If I do, I'll call you. Go. Go home. Get some sleep. First thing tomorrow morning we're gonna check out Danborn Avionics and find out what the FBI missed. Go!
(PASSAGE OF TIME)
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS LOOKS OVER THE PHOTOS)
(GIBBS WALKS THROUGH THE SQUAD ROOM WHILE EVERYONE SLEEPS)
(BEGIN DREAM SEQUENCE)
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DREAM SEQUENCE
(KATE YAWNS LOUDLY AND LOOKS AROUND THE SQUAD ROOM)
(SFX: KATE GASPS)
ARI: Did you miss me?
(END DREAM SEQUENCE)
KATE: Gibbs!
TONY: You dream about Gibbs?
KATE: What? No. God no.
TONY: You just said his name.
KATE: No, I didn't.
TONY: Yes, you did.
MCGEE: What's going on?
TONY: Kate dreams about Gibbs.
MCGEE: Oh, what was it about?
KATE: No, I didn't dream about Gibbs.
TONY: She screamed his name.
MCGEE: Really? Here you go.
KATE: Look, if you want to check out the defense contracting company with us today, you're wearing a vest.
GIBBS: I can live with that.
KATE: That's kind of the point, Gibbs.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. DANBORN AVIONICS - DAY
EBERLEE: (V.O.) Lieutenant Westfall was the military liaison for Danborn's Modular UAV project.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
EBERLEE: And like I told the FBI, I really doubt his murder had anything to do with it.
TONY: Modular UAV?
EBERLEE: It's an unmanned aerial vehicle we're developing with the Navy. It can be reconfigured for different missions in the field.
GIBBS: What kind of missions?
EBERLEE: Reconnaissance, nuclear, and biological agent testing, uh... ground attack.
KATE: So it can be used as a weapon?
EBERLEE: Someday. It's only a prototype. Oh, and uh... before you ask. We changed all our security codes and removed Westfall's from the system last night. Follow me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HANGAR - DAY
TONY: Any chance one of your modular UAVs is missing?
EBERLEE: Nope. We only have one, and that's her in the hangar.
GIBBS: What are these?
EBERLEE: Scale models we use in wind tunnel tests.
KATE: Any of your security systems rely on fingerprint or palm scanning technology, Mister Eberlee?
EBERLEE: Why?
MCGEE: Lieutenant Westfall was missing his hands.
TONY: Someone hacked them off!
EBERLEE: Uh... the FBI... didn't mention that.
TONY: We did. What's the answer?
EBERLEE: Our radio flight control systems use biometrics. Only pilots entered into the system can fly them.
KATE: Like Westfall.
EBERLEE: Yeah. But we only have one flyable UAV and that's it.
GIBBS: What about these?
EBERLEE: Those are target drones. Danborn Avionics got its start making them in the nineteen seventies. They're relics. They're not operational.
GIBBS: Looks like one's missing.
EBERLEE: It was... it was probably moved.
GIBBS: Where?
EBERLEE: We sometimes use it for spare parts.
GIBBS: Mm-hmm.
EBERLEE: It's not possible. I mean you need a team of engineers to get one of these heaps in flying shape. Not to mention you need a radio flight control.
GIBBS: And I'll bet Lieutenant Westfall's is missing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/CAMERA PANS AROUND THE ROOM/ MEN WORKING ON ELECTRONICS)
(FADE OUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: According to these schematics, the drone's pretty outdated from a tech perspective, Gibbs.
GIBBS: So is a hand grenade.
ABBY: Excellent point. The Danborn TX-Bravo is basically a jet propelled RC plane. Meaning, it's manually controlled by a radio transmitter.
KATE: If the transmitter they stole was from a modern UAV, they might not be able to fly it.
ABBY: True. True. But Danborns flight codes are based on the original software. So a few tweaks...
GIBBS: What's the range?
ABBY: Forty miles. Unless they load it down with explosives.
GIBBS: Ah, they will.
ABBY: The payload would have to be pretty small, Gibbs. Twenty five pounds or less if they want to get it off the ground. It's not a lot of bang for your buck.
GIBBS: It is if you're going after a soft target, Abs.
ABBY: Soft target?
KATE: People.
ABBY: Oh.
GIBBS: Any way to stop it if it's launched?
ABBY: It wouldn't be hard to destabilized the system. I have the operational frequencies. Another controller could probably jam it.
GIBBS: Get me another controller.
ABBY: But Gibbs, there's a catch. You'd have to be within a forty mile radius to jam it.
(GIBBS WALKS O.S.)
ABBY: Kate, I had a weird dream about Tony last night.
KATE: Eeuu, not the one where the two of you were at the zoo and he--
ABBY: Oh, no no no. He's fully clothed in this one. But he had blood all over his face. I woke up crying, Kate. I never cry. Never, ever, ever.
KATE: Hey, it was just bete noire. Gotta go.
(INSERT WAREHOUSE SCENE)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: What do you got?
TONY: A shot of our drone thieves from Danborn's security footage from two nights ago.
MCGEE: The day the Lieutenants were murdered.
GIBBS: Can you I.D. them?
TONY: Well, they're both wearing ski masks, but check this out. Maybe I'm paranoid, but does that guy look familiar?
(INTERCUT MONTAGE OF FLASHBACK SCENES)
GIBBS: You're not paranoid. That b*st*rd's Ari!
TONY: He's not looking for an Al Qaeda cell.
GIBBS: Hell, no. He's running it! You get Fornell in here!
TONY: How much should I tell him?
GIBBS: Tell him he's about to make the second biggest mistake of his life!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY
FORNELL: My second biggest mistake, Jethro? That's very dramatic. What was the first?
GIBBS: When you married my second wife.
FORNELL: You could have warned me.
GIBBS: I did.
FORNELL: In my own defense, I thought he was exaggerating. He wasn't.
GIBBS: Where's Ari?
FORNELL: What part of sit this out don't you get?
GIBBS: The part where he steals a Navy UAV and kills a whole bunch of people with it.
FORNELL: My people checked out Danborn Avionics. Their only UAV is accounted for.
GIBBS: He stole a target drone, Fornell! Pull it up. Packed the nose of that with Semtex, he's got a poor man's Cruise missile.
TONY: Guess your boys missed it.
GIBBS: Ari's playing you. He's no double agent! He never has been! Where is he?
FORNELL: All we've got is an encrypted spook cell phone number.
GIBBS: Call him.
FORNELL: But you can't trace it from here, Gibbs. You need a high level NSA intercept.
GIBBS: Patch us through.
FORNELL: We're talking dedicated satellite time.
CRANSTON: (ON MONITOR) I've got two NSA satellites in range for the next five minutes, Gunny. What's the number?
FORNELL: Are you sure about this?
GIBBS: As sure as when I told you she would clean out your bank account when she left.
(SFX: BEEP TONES)
CRANSTON: (ON MONITOR) Patching it through now. (V.O.) Are you sure he's going to answer?
GIBBS: Put my name on his caller I.D. He'll answer.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY
(PHONE RINGS)
ARI HASWARI: (INTO PHONE) Special Agent Gibbs, now how did you get this number?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: I pulled some strings.
ARI HASWARI: (V.O./FILTERED) Yes, your friend Fornell. I imagine he is there with you.
GIBBS: Nope. Nope. I've been thrown off the case.
ARI HASWARI: (V.O./FILTERED) It's for the best.
(SCENE CUT)
ARI HASWARI: (INTO PHONE) I really wasn't looking forward to killing you.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: I wish I could say the same thing, Ari. I've resigned from NCIS.
ARI HASWARI: (V.O./FILTERED) I hope it wasn't something I said.
GIBBS: Next time if we meet, Ari, it'll be the last time. There won't be anybody to stop me.
ARI HASWARI: (V.O./FILTERED) Gibbs, I'm honored. I had no idea you made so much of a--
(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
CRANSTON: He's on a cell phone grid thirty miles out of Norfolk. Newport News area. I've got it narrowed down to a two block radius.
GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Let's go.
FORNELL: What the hell's he doing in Norfolk?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CAR - MOVING
GIBBS: Do you know how to work that if we have to jam the drone, McGee?
MCGEE: Uh, well Abby explained it to me but I've got to be honest with you, Boss. I.... I'll figure it out.
TONY: What's today's date, Kate?
KATE: May twenty fourth.
TONY: Paula Cassidy's ship gets back from the Gulf today. We're hooking up this weekend.
KATE: Well, don't you think you should concentrate on that terrorist attack first?
TONY: The whole Marine Amphibious Strike Group returns today, Kate. Five ships all of them headed to Norfolk.
MCGEE: Tony, I doubt that a drone, even one packed with explosives, could do any real damage to a warship.
GIBBS: The piers will be packed with Navy families, McGee.
TONY: Welcoming them home.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. PIER - DAY
(SFX: BAND PLAYS B.G.)
(SFX: VOICES SHOUTING B.G.)
ARI HASWARI: Do you want to give them a teddy bear?
LITTLE GIRL: Yeah.
ARI HASWARI: Huh? Like this?
LITTLE GIRL: Yeah.
ARI HASWARI: (INTO RADIO) The locator beacon is set.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. STREET - DAY
GIBBS: Did you figure it out?
MCGEE: I did. The drone is on one of three radio frequencies. It'll take a few minutes to jam each of them. But when I hit the freq, it's on. The drone should go off-target.
TONY: It'll take hours to search these warehouses, Boss.
GIBBS: Give me the shotgun.
(SFX: SHOTGUN BLAST)
(SFX: VOICES SHOUT)
GIBBS: Tony, get the fire escape. Kate, with me. McGee, start jamming.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ALL RUN IN THE ALLEY/ ARI HASWARI ON THE ROOF)
(SFX: RAPID GUNFIRE)
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
(SFX: DRONE ENGINE STARTS)
(SFX: GUNFIRE CONTINUES)
MCGEE: Boss, they fired the drone!
GIBBS: Jam it, McGee!
MCGEE: I can do this. I can do this.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. PIER - DAY (MUSIC OVER ACTION/SCENES OF PIER/ ARI HASWARI)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
TONY: (QUIETLY) One down, boss. No visual on anyone else.
(DOOR OPENS)
GIBBS: Let's do it.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
(SFX: GUNFIRE)
(SFX: TERRORIST SHOUTS IN A FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(SFX: GUNFIRE CONTINUES)
TONY: Clear.
GIBBS: McGee, this thing is still flying!
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ALLEY - DAY
MCGEE: Okay, one freq down, two to go!
(SFX: GUNFIRE EXCHANGE)
MCGEE: Boss, one of them shot my transmitter!
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
TONY: You know how to fly this thing?
GIBBS: No, but I know how to crash it.
(SFX: GUNFIRE)
(INTERCUT DRONE CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN)
GIBBS: McGee, are you okay?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ALLEY - DAY
MCGEE: I got one terrorist inside! I don't know if I got him, but he stopped shooting.
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Hold your position. We'll flush him.
MCGEE: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ROOFTOP - DAY
GIBBS: I'm out.
KATE: Me, too. (SHOUTS) Shooter!
(KATE DIVES ON THE ROOFTOP)
(SFX: GUNFIRE)
TONY: Kate? (LONG BEAT) Are you okay?
KATE: Ow! I just got shot at point blank range, DiNozzo. What do you think?
TONY: You're not going to be going to Pilates class tomorrow?
(SFX: KATE GROANS)
GIBBS: Protection detail is over.
TONY: You did good.
GIBBS: For once, DiNozzo is right.
KATE: Wow. I thought I'd die before I ever--
(SFX: GUNSHOT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
ARI HASWARI: Sorry, Caitlyn.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. ROOFTOP - DAY
GIBBS: Ari!
(FADE OUT) | Plan: A: Ari Haswari; Q: Who is out to kill Gibbs? A: the country; Q: Where is Ari Haswari back in? A: the team; Q: Who is changed forever by the tragedy? A: two off-duty sailors; Q: Whose deaths might be linked to an upcoming terrorist attack? A: a drone; Q: What was stolen from a company? A: one; Q: How many of the NCIS team members are killed in the battle between Gibbs and Ari? A: NCIS; Q: What team is trying to stop Ari Haswari from killing Gibbs? A: a very high price; Q: What price does the NCIS team pay when one of their own is brutally murdered? Summary: With Ari Haswari back in the country again and out to kill Gibbs, the team find themselves attempting to stop Ari from completing the task. In the meantime, they also try to find out who killed two off-duty sailors whose deaths might be linked to an upcoming terrorist attack and the theft of a drone from a company. But in the end, it might not be enough as the NCIS team soon find themselves unknowingly paying a very high price when one of their own is brutally murdered in Gibbs and Ari's battle with each other and due to the tragedy, the team also ends up being changed forever as a result... |
THE WEB OF FEAR
by MERVYN HAISMAN and HENRY LINCOLN first broadcast - February 17th 1968
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. PLATFORM, MONUMENT STATION
(The noise crescendos, and the fungus continues to close in on JAMIE and Private EVANS from both sides. Jamie spots an archway leading off to the side of the tunnel.)
JAMIE: We've got to get to that archway!
EVANS: There's something coming through, look!
(A bleeping noise becomes audible, as the giant figure of a YETI emerges from the Web, carrying a small glass pyramid.)
JAMIE: The pyramid! Shoot the pyramid!
(EVANS aims his rifle and fires two shots. The YETI continues to advance.)
JAMIE: The pyramid - get it!
(EVANS fires two more shots, but both miss again.)
JAMIE: Come on, man, try again!
(EVANS shoots again and hits; the pyramid is destroyed with an explosion, but to JAMIE's horror, the Yeti and fungus both continue relentlessly.)
JAMIE: But we've destroyed the pyramid. It doesn't work!
EVANS: Let's get out while we can!
JAMIE: But you shot it!
EVANS: Don't argue, come on!
(They run for the archway, reaching it moments before the station is engulfed in glowing fungus.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. TUNNEL
(VICTORIA wanders aimlessly through the tunnel network, alone and afraid. The silence around her is broken by the sound of quiet footsteps nearby.)
VICTORIA: Doctor? Doctor, is that you?
(Just ahead of her, the DOCTOR steps out from an alcove into the tunnel. Behind him is a soldier, wearing the insignia of a COLONEL with a tartan headband; the soldier is holding a revolver to the DOCTOR's neck.)
COLONEL: One moment!
DOCTOR: Victoria!
(VICTORIA gasps at the two figures, then recognises the DOCTOR.)
VICTORIA: Oh, Doctor, thank goodness I found you! Are you alright?
DOCTOR: Well... well you see, Victoria...
(His eyes indicate the COLONEL behind him.)
COLONEL: Well, before you begin this rapturous reunion, there are one or two questions I'd like answered. For a start, is there anyone else down here playing hide-and-seek?
VICTORIA: W... well...
DOCTOR: Well yes... where is Jamie, Victoria?
VICTORIA: He came out to look for you.
COLONEL: Out? Out from where?
VICTORIA: The fortress at Goodge Street.
COLONEL: Goodge Street? Hang on, are you anything to do with Travers and his daughter?
DOCTOR: Travers? What do you mean, Travers?
VICTORIA: It's the same man we met in Tibet! I've come to warn you, he thinks you're responsible for the Yeti.
DOCTOR: Me?
COLONEL: Oh, does he? The plot thickens, doesn't it? I think it's time I got you two back to HQ. Lead on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. OPERATIONS ROOM
(KNIGHT, ARNOLD, WEAMS and ANNE TRAVERS stare at the underground map; a solid black line now encircles their position.)
ANNE: Well, that's it. The whole of the Circle Line gone. We're completely hemmed in.
KNIGHT: Yes - we can't get out, and no one can get in. Not very healthy, is it?
(Corporal LANE enters and salutes the CAPTAIN.)
LANE: 'Scuse me, sir.
KNIGHT: Yes, Corporal, what is it?
LANE: That girl's turned up again, sir, and that Doctor feller you was looking for.
ARNOLD: Oh, him?
LANE: Yes, Staff. They was brought in by a Colonel.
ARNOLD: A Colonel?
KNIGHT: Where did he spring from?
LANE: I don't know, sir.
KNIGHT: I suppose I'd better show my face. Where are they?
LANE: Corporal Blake's got them in the Common Room, sir, under guard.
KNIGHT: Anne, you'd better fetch your father. He'll want a word with the Doctor. And you carry on here, Staff.
ARNOLD: Sir!
(He salutes, as KNIGHT leaves with LANE and ANNE.)
WEAMS: Staff, this Colonel - where'd he come from? And what's he doing here?
ARNOLD: Don't ask me, lad. It's turning into a proper holiday camp, this place.
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. COMMON ROOM
(The DOCTOR and VICTORIA are sitting at the table, with the COLONEL standing watching them. Corporal BLAKE stands guard, rifle held aloft.)
VICTORIA: You're sure?
DOCTOR: Yes, yes, I'm quite alright, Victoria. I was just knocked out a bit by the explosion, that's all.
VICTORIA: (Whispering.) Where did the Colonel come from?
DOCTOR: (Whispering.) Well, I don't know. When I came to, there was no sign of the Yeti, so I wandered around for a bit; and then, as I was on my way back to you, he suddenly popped out from nowhere!
VICTORIA: How did you find out about the Intelligence?
DOCTOR: When I saw the Yeti, I put two and two together. And now you say Travers is here, well...
(KNIGHT opens the door and enters.)
COLONEL: (Turning to greet the CAPTAIN.) Afternoon. Captain Knight?
KNIGHT: Afternoon, Colonel... um...
COLONEL: Lethbridge-Stewart. Expect you're wondering who the devil I am, eh?
KNIGHT: Well, as a matter of fact, sir - yes.
COLONEL: Well, I couldn't tell you before - you're a bit cut off down here, aren't you? I'm taking over from Pemberton. Sorry about him - very fine soldier.
KNIGHT: Taking over? I see. Well, excuse me, Colonel, but have you got any, er...
COLONEL: Authorisation? Yes, of course. Here are my papers.
(He produces them from a pocket.)
COLONEL: Glad to see you don't take things at face value.
KNIGHT: (Reads papers.) Alright, Blake, you can fall out.
BLAKE: Sir!
(He salutes and leaves the room.)
KNIGHT: How did you get in, sir?
COLONEL: Holborn. Ammunition party. Got badly beaten up. All the men dead, I'm afraid.
KNIGHT: Not all - Evans managed to escape.
COLONEL: Evans?
KNIGHT: The driver.
COLONEL: Oh yes.
KNIGHT: Evans didn't mention any other survivors.
COLONEL: No, well it all got a bit confused. Driven into a side tunnel, myself. After that, got a bit lost, and then found this Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes, I was wondering when you where going to get around to me.
KNIGHT: Yes, well the Professor's spoken for him. We do know a little bit about the Doctor already.
COLONEL: I see. In fact, more than you do about me, eh?
KNIGHT: To tell you the truth, sir, yes.
(The conversation is interrupted as TRAVERS bursts into the room and rushes over to the DOCTOR.)
TRAVERS: Doctor!
(The DOCTOR stands.)
DOCTOR: Who...?
TRAVERS: Oh my dear fellow, am I glad to see you!
DOCTOR: My word, it is! It's been a long time!
COLONEL: Professor, I'm told you know this man.
TRAVERS: Huh? I'd have thought that was obvious. And if it comes to that, who are you?
COLONEL: Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart. New CO.
(TRAVERS grunts.)
COLONEL: So you can vouch for the Doctor here?
TRAVERS: Well, of course I can.
COLONEL: And what about this girl?
(He points towards VICTORIA.)
DOCTOR: Oh, she's on my staff.
TRAVERS: We've got lots to do, Doctor. Time's running short - need your help. Captain Knight, I'll take him straight down to the lab. Now come on, Doctor. You'd better come too, Victoria. Things are getting a bit desperate, and I've got an idea...
(His voice is lost as the three of them disappear.)
COLONEL: It would seem that the Professor's in charge down here, Captain.
KNIGHT: Yes, well he does have a job to do, sir. I think it's best to let him get on with it, don't you?
COLONEL: Hmm...
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR is examining TRAVERS's opened control sphere, watched by the Professor, ANNE and VICTORIA.)
DOCTOR: Yes, well as I say, when I came to, there was no sign of the Yeti, so I... I wandered around a bit, got lost... saw the fungus...
ANNE: You've seen it, then?
TRAVERS: Foul stuff. Oh, it was the Intelligence, alright.
DOCTOR: Not me, then?
TRAVERS: Huh? What do you mean?
DOCTOR: From what Victoria said, you had one or two suspicions about me.
TRAVERS: Rubbish, my dear fellow. Whatever gave you that idea, Victoria? Pah! Never heard anything so ridiculous in all my life!
ANNE: (To VICTORIA.) So you did hear us talking, then?
VICTORIA: Yes.
TRAVERS: Oh, that! Well, it was only... just idle chatter. Yes, it was the Intelligence that brought you here, alright.
DOCTOR: But why? That's what I can't understand, why?
TRAVERS: Yes... Well, you've given it the slip, Doctor. It doesn't know where you are - yet.
VICTORIA: I hope it hasn't caught Jamie...
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. STATION PLATFORM
(JAMIE and EVANS emerge from the tunnel into a station. JAMIE reads the sign on the wall.)
JAMIE: Saint... Paul's.
EVANS: We're on the Central Line, alright.
JAMIE: Right, come on...
EVANS: Wait a minute!
JAMIE: What - what is it?
EVANS: Nothing. Just want a bar of chocolate, that's all.
(EVANS digs in his pocket for some change.)
JAMIE: Och, don't be daft! Those beasties might be right behind us. Now come on!
EVANS: All this walking - shouldn't be down here at all, you know. Driver, I am.
(Failing to find any coins in his pockets, he pulls hopefully at a lever on the vending machine, which deposits a bar of chocolate into his hands.)
EVANS: Well, there's lovely!
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. OPERATIONS ROOM
(CHORLEY and ARNOLD are arguing, while WEAMS looks on.)
CHORLEY: Don't you understand, Sergeant? I've... I've got to get out of here!
ARNOLD: Well I don't see as I can put it any clearer, sir - (Points at the map on the wall.) we're here at Goodge Street, right, and the fungus has gone all the way round the Circle Line.
CHORLEY: Yes, I know that, man, but th... these other tunnels... the Northern Line, the Central Line. I mean, they're not filled, are they?
ARNOLD: No, sir...
CHORLEY: They must be on a different level to the Circle Line, I mean - wait, it's absolutely simple! We go out under the stuff.
ARNOLD: Now look, sir. You know we've already lost two men trying to do that. The influence of this fungus extends through the earth, both downwards and up. Believe me, sir, we're trapped!
CHORLEY: But I've got to get out. You see - well, my reports are so important, I mean - I mean, the world must know what's going on down here, I mean... well... there must be a way out! The surface - what's on the surface?
ARNOLD: Well, there's a ground level door in Cheney Street, sir, but...
CHORLEY: Of course, of course, of course! Thank you, Sergeant, thank you!
(He leaves the room hurriedly.)
WEAMS: 'E's a nutter.
ARNOLD: You're telling me! Can't even get my rank right.
WEAMS: (Smiling.) Yeah, I noticed that, Sergeant!
ARNOLD: Cheeky!
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR, TRAVERS, ANNE and VICTORIA are gathered round the work bench.)
DOCTOR: But how, that's what I can't understand? What brought the Intelligence back again?
TRAVERS: That was my wretched curiosity, I'm afraid. You see, when I came back from Tibet, I brought quite a bit of stuff with me - you know, broken Yeti, bits of control spheres, things like that - oh, the monks were only too glad to see the back of it... And then - then, my dear fellow, one of the control spheres was intact. So naturally, I wanted to find out how it worked.
DOCTOR: Oh dear!
TRAVERS: I fiddled with the thing on and off for years, and then one day...
DOCTOR: Don't tell me, it just disappeared.
(TRAVERS grunts.)
DOCTOR: Yes... well presumably, once the sphere started working, the Intelligence just homed in on it.
TRAVERS: Yes, and with a fully functional Yeti, well, it was a ready-made pair of hands for the Intelligence.
DOCTOR: Hmm...
(Captain KNIGHT opens the door.)
KNIGHT: Sorry to interrupt, Professor, but Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart has decided to hold a briefing. He'd like you all to attend.
ANNE: A briefing? We're not in the army yet, Captain.
KNIGHT: Yes, I know that, Miss Travers. But now that he's taken over command, he thinks it would be the simplest way of being put in the picture.
TRAVERS: Splendid idea! Might help you too, Doctor. Now come on, I'd like to show you the layout as I...
(TRAVERS leads the DOCTOR off.)
KNIGHT: (Calling after them.) If you'll just make your way to the Common Room, you'll find that he's waiting for you.
(He turns to follow.)
ANNE: Captain...
(KNIGHT halts.)
VICTORIA: Any news of Jamie?
KNIGHT: No. No, I'm afraid not.
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. TUNNEL
(JAMIE and EVANS continue their journey along the Central Line.)
EVANS: Come on, boyo. Not far to Chancery Lane now.
JAMIE: You're in a hurry, all of a sudden.
EVANS: Aye, well I've got it all worked out, see. Next station's where I'm getting off.
JAMIE: What!
EVANS: Aye! Last time, the Yeti were at Holborn Station, so I reckon if I can get out at Chancery Lane, I might be able to reach my lorry.
JAMIE: So you meant what you said, then? You're not going back to HQ?
EVANS: No, I'd be more of an 'inderance, I would. Anyway, I'm not supposed to be down here. I'm a driver, I am.
JAMIE: There is another word I could use. Look, all you want to do is save your own skin.
EVANS: Well, it's the only one I've got! Look, boyo, they don't stand a chance back there. Hop it with me now, boy, while the while the going's good!
(JAMIE sighs in disgust as EVANS walks off; the soldier calls behind him as he leaves.)
EVANS: You've got to take care of Number One in this world! You'll learn! I'm getting out of these tunnels, fast!
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. COMMON ROOM
(The COLONEL's briefing - the civilians and soldiers are sitting on chairs or tables in front of Captain KNIGHT and the COLONEL, who stand by a large projector screen. Corporal BLAKE is at the controls of a slide projector. The only absentees from the briefing are Harold CHORLEY and Craftsman WEAMS.)
KNIGHT: So this was the situation on the 5th. Next slide, Blake.
(A picture of a London Street covered in an eerie mist appears on the screen.)
KNIGHT: Ah, yes sir, this will give you a better idea. You can see the fog, or mist, very clearly.
DOCTOR: This mist - does it do anything? I mean, is it poisonous or anything?
TRAVERS: No, no... but if anyone goes into it, they just... well, they just don't come out again.
COLONEL: As soon as the effect of the mist was known, this whole area was cordoned off. But by the 6th, the area had expanded to include South Ken tube station. Right, carry on, Knight.
KNIGHT: (A touch annoyed.) Sir... next slide please, Blake... Now, you can see how quickly it was spreading...
COLONEL: Ah yes, that'd be the 7th, the day the fungus was first reported in the Underground. The tube system had to be abandoned, of course.
DOCTOR: Any sign of the Yeti by this stage?
KNIGHT: No, they weren't sighted until the 9th. Next slide.
(A picture of a YETI is shown on the screen.)
DOCTOR: Ah yes, my word, I thought I wasn't mistaken. Those - those Yeti have changed in appearance, look.
TRAVERS: Why yes, I see what you mean!
DOCTOR: A sort of Mark II, isn't it?
TRAVERS: Yes, very interesting.
DOCTOR: I wonder how the Int...
KNIGHT: (Interrupting.) Gentlemen!
TRAVERS: I'm so sorry.
DOCTOR: Sorry.
KNIGHT: Now by this time, the fungus below ground and the fog above had both extended. Slide!
(Another slide appears, showing two sections of fungus linked by a thin strand of mist.)
COLONEL: Ah yes, that's it. Now notice this thin area of mist linking the two arms. I think we must now assume that this mist covers the entire area enclosed by the Circle Line.
DOCTOR: Have you had any success against it yet?
KNIGHT: No. We've tried chemicals, flame throwers, explosives, all to no avail.
COLONEL: That's why we're dependent on you three coming up with the answers. If you fail, London's finished - England itself, perhaps. Now the army will, of course, give you all the support you need. Tell me, Miss Travers, what progress have you made so far?
ANNE: Well... my father and I think we may be able to jam the transmissions to the Yeti.
TRAVERS: What we really need is some additional equipment.
COLONEL: Knight?
KNIGHT: Well, sir, the main problem has been lack of communication. As you know, this fog absorbs all radio waves.
DOCTOR: What about telephones?
KNIGHT: Alright for a while, but the Yeti soon destroyed them. We've laid a couple of lines ourselves, between here and Holborn, but I don't know how long they'll last.
(CHORLEY bursts into the room, to be greeted by a general groan.)
CHORLEY: Ah, Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart.
COLONEL: What is it, Mr Chorley? We're in the middle of a briefing.
CHORLEY: Yes, so I see. Did you know about this door to the surface? A helicopter could lift us all out!
COLONEL: Could it? Always assuming we could make contact with the outside world - which we can't - how do you imagine they would find us in that mist? Sit down, please.
CHORLEY: Look, Colonel, I resent your tone. You seem to forget that I'm here as a representative of the Press, and as such...
COLONEL: And as such, Mr Chorley, you are no more than a passenger. Staff, lights please!
ARNOLD: Sir!
(He flicks a switch, and the lights come on.)
CHORLEY: Right!
(CHORLEY turns and storms out; the others mutter quietly as he goes, until the COLONEL interrupts them.)
COLONEL: Right, let's get down to some constructive thinking.
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. OPERATIONS ROOM
(WEAMS is on duty in the Ops Room. CHORLEY enters.)
CHORLEY: Ah, Weams. Weams, I'd like some information, man.
WEAMS: Sir?
CHORLEY: Now wouldn't I be right in thinking there are a lot of very tall buildings in this area?
WEAMS: Well, the Post Office Tower, that ain't far away.
CHORLEY: The Post Office Tower, yes... Do you think that's above the mist?
WEAMS: I wouldn't know about that, sir, would I?
CHORLEY: Where is it in relation to the Circle Line? (Indicates the Underground map.) Come on, man, where is it?
(WEAMS walks over, looks at the map and points.)
WEAMS: Well, it's about 'ere... crikey!
CHORLEY: What's the matter?
WEAMS: Can't you see? It's that fungus stuff, starting up again! I've got to tell the Colonel!
(He runs to the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. TUNNEL
(JAMIE, now alone in the tunnels, hears footsteps behind him. He hides in an alcove, waits as the steps get closer, and jumps out with a yell onto a startled EVANS. EVANS screams in surprise.)
EVANS: You gave me a fright there for a minute, boy!
JAMIE: I thought you were supposed to be...
EVANS: Aye, well, I changed my mind, see. Quite right, you were - can't leave your mates when they're in trouble, can you?
JAMIE: Oh aye?
EVANS: No, well it wouldn't be right, would it?
JAMIE: (Suspiciously.) Well, what was it like up top then?
EVANS: Dunno... between you and me, I couldn't get out, see. The gates were locked!
JAMIE: Come on.
EVANS: Aye, let's get over to HQ. At least we'll be safe there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. OPERATIONS ROOM
(The SOLDIERS - except Lane - plus the DOCTOR, TRAVERS and CHORLEY, are looking at the illuminated map, on which the black lines are now spreading along the Central Line.)
COLONEL: Queensway, Lancaster Gate, Strand, Chancery Lane - all in a half hour, and it's creeping in all the time. How long do you think we've got, Professor?
TRAVERS: It's difficult to say - why, at this rate, a couple of hours at the most.
CHORLEY: Look, Colonel, you've got to do something. We can't just stand here waiting, can we?
COLONEL: Ah, Mr Chorley. You'd like to help, wouldn't you?
CHORLEY: Well, I...
COLONEL: Yes, of course you would. Now look, I'll tell you what I want you to do. We shall all be rushing about a bit, so what I want you to do is to wait in the Common Room. Act as a sort of Liaison Officer. You could do that, couldn't you?
CHORLEY: Well, I don't know...
COLONEL: Yes, of course you could. Off you go! We'll all report progress to you personally.
CHORLEY: What, do you mean coordinate things?
COLONEL: Yes, that's it. Corporal Blake?
BLAKE: Sir?
COLONEL: See that Mr Chorley has everything he needs. Desk, comfortable chair, plenty of paper and so on.
BLAKE: Yes, sir!
COLONEL: Off you go!
(He pauses as a bewildered CHORLEY leaves with BLAKE.)
COLONEL: Right, that's enough diplomacy for one day. Now, let's get down to some practical soldiering. Doctor, you've been very quiet. Any ideas?
DOCTOR: Well, as far as I can see, what we most need is time. Now... (Indicates the map.) ...if we were to blow the tunnel here, just above Goodge Street, we could seal ourselves in for a bit.
COLONEL: Good - practical suggestion. Staff, have we got any explosives?
ARNOLD: There is a bit, sir.
COLONEL: Enough to blow the tunnel?
ARNOLD: Just about enough, sir.
KNIGHT: The trouble is, every time we lay the charges, the Yeti cocoon them.
DOCTOR: I thought of that. Got anything on wheels, something that will run along a track?
KNIGHT: Yes... yes, there's a baggage trolley. I think it's beside the stairs. Go and see, would you, Staff?
ARNOLD: Yes, sir. Be the wrong gauge, of course - we'll soon fix up that though, sir.
(He leaves the room.)
COLONEL: What's the plan?
DOCTOR: Well, it's simple enough. We lay the explosives on the trolley and set a triggering device, and then blow it up while it's on the move.
COLONEL: Yes, yes, that should work.
DOCTOR: Come on, Travers, let's fix up this detonator.
(The two of them leave.)
COLONEL: Think I'll take the opportunity to have a look around the place. Let me know when you've got the trolley organised.
KNIGHT: Sir!
(The COLONEL leaves.)
WEAMS: Glad to see we're doing something active at last, sir.
KNIGHT: Yes - let's hope that it works... It had better!
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. ENTRANCE DOOR
(The door to the fortress is made of thick metal, and held by giant clamps. The hand of an unseen man furtively opens the clamps, leaving the fortress unlocked and unguarded...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. LABORATORY
(ANNE and VICTORIA are in the Professor's lab. VICTORIA looks worriedly at one of the Professor's miniature model Yeti.)
ANNE: You've... seen those things before, Victoria?
VICTORIA: Yes. I remember them in Tibet. The Intelligence used them to guide the robot Yeti.
(The door opens, and the DOCTOR enters.)
DOCTOR: Ah, there you are, Victoria. I've been looking for you everywhere.
(He sees the model Yeti VICTORIA is holding.)
DOCTOR: Oh my word, that looks familiar. It doesn't work, does it?
ANNE: No. Neither do the other three.
VICTORIA: Three? There are only two.
ANNE: Well that's funny, there's one missing! I wonder where that's got to.
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. OUTSIDE THE EXPLOSIVES STORE
(The door to the fortress's explosives store bears a sign warning 'Danger - High Explosives'. The hands of the unseen saboteur place the missing model Yeti on the floor outside, next to the door's padlock. The model starts quietly emitting the familiar high-pitched bleeping sound.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. TUNNEL
(A robot YETI springs to life, bleeping in response to the small model, and starts moving through the tunnels...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. LABORATORY
(TRAVERS comes in, to join the DOCTOR, ANNE and VICTORIA.)
TRAVERS: Doctor? Sorry to have been so long, but I've got your blowing-up thingamajig - here we are.
(TRAVERS puts the detonator on the work bench.)
DOCTOR: Ah, good. Fine. This should do the trick. It's both timing and contact.
ANNE: Well, I think Victoria's right.
TRAVERS: What on earth are you talking about?
ANNE: The explosion - we'll be cut off, alright, but so will Jamie!
VICTORIA: Don't you see, he'll be trapped!
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. ENTRANCE DOOR
(The robot YETI, no longer bleeping but still acting in response to the model's signal, approaches the now unlocked door to the fortress. It pushes the door open, and enters.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. OPERATIONS ROOM
(The DOCTOR, KNIGHT and the COLONEL discuss the detonating device.)
COLONEL: And this will explode in 60 seconds?
DOCTOR: Yes - just push the trolley down the gradient, and that should give you enough time to get clear.
KNIGHT: Yes, but suppose the Yeti stop it before it goes off?
DOCTOR: Well, if it comes into contact with anything, it'll blow up at once.
(ARNOLD comes in and salutes.)
ARNOLD: We've got the trolley on the line, sir.
KNIGHT: Ah, thank you, Staff.
ARNOLD: Funny thing, though, sir - the main door was open.
COLONEL: Open? You sure about that?
(BLAKE enters in a hurry.)
BLAKE: Sir! Sir, sorry to interrupt, sir, but I found this.
(He holds out a large padlock.)
KNIGHT: What is it?
BLAKE: It's the padlock from the explosives store, sir. And this thing was with it.
(BLAKE produces the model Yeti.)
DOCTOR: Did you see inside?
BLAKE: No, I thought best not. I left Lane on guard, sir.
KNIGHT: Come on!
(The officers, ARNOLD and the DOCTOR all leave.)
WEAMS: 'Ere, let's have a look at that thing.
BLAKE: There.
(He hands the model to Weams, who studies it intently.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. ENTRANCE DOOR
(The DOCTOR, ARNOLD and the two officers arrive to find the entrance door open, and LANE standing guard. The door to the storeroom is nearby.)
COLONEL: Staff, close that door, would you?
ARNOLD: Sir!
(He goes to the main door and closes it.)
COLONEL: Alright, Corporal.
LANE: Sir!
(LANE goes back inside the HQ building. KNIGHT Examines the door to the storeroom.)
KNIGHT: Well, it seems quiet enough. Do you think there is something in there?
DOCTOR: There's only one way of finding out, isn't there?
(He tentatively opens the door to the storeroom - to reveal the room is full of the pulsating fungus, which starts expanding out through the doorway! He tries to push the door shut.)
DOCTOR: Oh, shut it!
(He makes no headway on the door until the soldiers help, and eventually they manage to push it shut.)
DOCTOR: Well, now we know. How are we going to blow up the tunnel now?
[SCENE_BREAK]
22. LABORATORY
(A tearful VICTORIA sits on the bench, being comforted by ANNE and her father.)
ANNE: Don't worry, Victoria. The Doctor promised he wouldn't blow the tunnel until the very last moment.
VICTORIA: Yes, but Jamie...
ANNE: Jamie might be a lot safer than you or I at this moment. Have you thought of that?
VICTORIA: Safe - but how?
ANNE: Perhaps he was right off the Circle Line by the time it closed up.
VICTORIA: Oh, do you really think so?
ANNE: Of course.
TRAVERS: Don't you worry, my dear; why, the Doctor will find a way. Once we've blown the tunnels and sealed ourselves off, we'll be able to get on with the job in hand. Why, with Anne's technical knowledge, and the Doctor and I, the Intelligence won't stand a chance!
[SCENE_BREAK]
23. ENTRANCE DOOR
(The DOCTOR and the COLONEL remain by the entrance.)
DOCTOR: The Yeti have dealt with the explosives here, and I'm willing to bet they'll do the same with those at Holborn as well.
COLONEL: Maybe.
DOCTOR: I think you're wasting your time now, Colonel.
COLONEL: Yes. Still, at least there's a chance. We must check.
(ARNOLD arrives and salutes.)
ARNOLD: Search completed, sir. Headquarters all clear. No sign of Yeti.
COLONEL: Good. Captain Knight got the men ready?
ARNOLD: Yes, sir.
COLONEL: Well tell Captain Knight to start, will you?
ARNOLD: Yes, sir.
COLONEL: You and I will follow on behind, Staff.
ARNOLD: Sir.
COLONEL: Oh, better tell the Professor we're leaving.
ARNOLD: Yes, sir. What about Mr Chorley?
COLONEL: No. Less he knows, the better.
ARNOLD: Sir!
(ARNOLD salutes and leaves.)
COLONEL: Right, I shall be leaving four men behind here. You'll be quite safe, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Will I?
COLONEL: Huh?
DOCTOR: Someone here is in league with the Yeti - maybe even controlling them.
COLONEL: What?
DOCTOR: The main door didn't open by itself, did it? It may be any one of us.
COLONEL: Me, perhaps?
DOCTOR: Perhaps.
COLONEL: Or even you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
24. COMMON ROOM
(VICTORIA and CHORLEY are talking.)
CHORLEY: Covent Garden, you say?
VICTORIA: That's where we landed.
CHORLEY: Oh, this is ridiculous. You can't land in an Underground station!
VICTORIA: The TARDIS can - it's not an ordinary sort of craft.
CHORLEY: Look, look... you say it can get us out of here?
VICTORIA: Yes. But the Doctor wouldn't go without Jamie. And now they're going to blow up the tunnel, I don't know...
CHORLEY: Blow up the tunnel? Blow up the tunnel? Well then, we'll never get out of here. And the Doctor won't leave until Jamie gets back, eh?
(He stands up and makes for the door, but bumps into the DOCTOR, who is entering the room.)
CHORLEY: Oh, there you are, Doctor, we were just talking about you. I hadn't realised what was going on.
DOCTOR: Oh?
CHORLEY: No...
(CHORLEY quickly leaves, shutting the door behind him.)
DOCTOR: What's the matter with him?
VICTORIA: Doesn't want them to blow up the tunnel.
DOCTOR: Well, he's too late, they've already left. Wait a minute... why doesn't he want them to blow up the tunnel?
VICTORIA: He thinks we'll be cut off from the TARDIS.
DOCTOR: (Horrified.) You didn't tell him about the TARDIS, did you?
VICTORIA: Oh dear! Oh no! No, do you think that...
DOCTOR: Yes I do think!
VICTORIA: Oh, but...
(They both reach for the door, but it won't open.)
DOCTOR: There you are, it's locked! Victoria!
[SCENE_BREAK]
25. ENTRANCE DOOR
(JAMIE and EVANS have arrived at the Fortress entrance, and are passing CHORLEY on his way out.)
CHORLEY: They've left already?
JAMIE: Aye, we passed them a while back.
EVANS: Aye, off to Holborn, they were.
CHORLEY: Holborn, eh?
EVANS: Right...
(CHORLEY runs off towards the tunnels.)
EVANS: Before you go, sir, could you tell me where...
(CHORLEY disappears without listening.)
EVANS: Scarpered.
(A loud banging on a door can be heard from within the Fortress.)
JAMIE: Listen!
[SCENE_BREAK]
26. COMMON ROOM
(The DOCTOR and VICTORIA are still frantically banging on the door.)
VICTORIA: I'm so worried about Jamie!
(A moment later, the door is opened from the outside by JAMIE and EVANS.)
DOCTOR: Jamie!
JAMIE: Doctor! Good to see you!
VICTORIA: Oh Jamie, you're safe!
DOCTOR: Jamie, have you seen Chorley?
JAMIE: Who's he? Hey, why were you locked in?
DOCTOR: Have you seen anyone leave headquarters here?
JAMIE: Well aye, just now.
DOCTOR: Right, come along, no time to waste!
JAMIE: What...?
DOCTOR: Come on, I'll tell you as we go!
(He bundles the other three out through the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
27. LABORATORY
(Professor TRAVERS and ANNE are working on some electronic equipment.)
TRAVERS: But where's the Doctor? After all, this was his idea...
ANNE: Well, shall I go and get him?
(She stops abruptly as a loud scream tears through the Fortress.)
TRAVERS: Wait here!
ANNE: Father, no!
(TRAVERS shakes off her protests, and goes to investigate.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28. OPERATIONS ROOM
(TRAVERS bursts into the room, and is met by the sight of the body of Craftsman WEAMS lying on the floor, dead.)
TRAVERS: Weams? Weams!...
(He sees something on the floor by the body.)
TRAVERS: What... Good Lord!
(He picks up the object - it is the miniature model Yeti. As he looks at it, he hears a noise behind him; he turns around to find the huge form of a robot YETI standing over him. The YETI's eyes glow, and TRAVERS screams as it strikes out at him...) | Plan: A: the Goodge Street base; Q: Where are the Doctor and Victoria taken by Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart? A: the Doctor; Q: Who becomes convinced there is a traitor in the Goodge Street base? Summary: The Doctor and Victoria are taken back to the Goodge Street base by Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart where the Doctor becomes convinced there is a traitor in their midst. |
The Ambassadors of Death
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
(The door at the top of the stairs opens again and a uniformed figure walks down, holding a gun. He comes into view.)
LIZ: (Delighted.) General Carrington!
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Miss Shaw.
(The DOCTOR looks intently at LIZ.)
LIZ: How on earth did you...
(LIZ starts to realise the truth. Her voice tails off as she looks at the DOCTOR.)
LIZ: ...find us?
DOCTOR: I think the General knew all along.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: You're not surprised to see me?
DOCTOR: Not particularly, no.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I'm surprised to see you Doctor. My instructions were that you were to be killed.
DOCTOR: Then somebody disobeyed your instructions, didn't they?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I shall have to attend to the matter myself. I'm sorry Doctor.
(He cocks his gun.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: It's my moral duty.
(He points his gun straight at the DOCTOR.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
(REEGAN comes back into the lab and down the stairs. He sees CARRINGTON pointing the gun at the DOCTOR.)
REEGAN: What are you doing?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: You told me you killed this man
REEGAN: I was going to, but...
GENERAL CARRINGTON: (Interrupts.) You disobeyed an order!
REEGAN: I thought it was for the best.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: You're not paid to think, Reegan.
REEGAN: He can be useful.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I make the decisions.
REEGAN: (Annoyed.) Yes sir, but he's the only one that can make a machine that will let us talk to these creatures.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: You've got a machine to do that.
REEGAN: This thing only sends limited one-way signals.
(He goes close to CARRINGTON.)
REEGAN: (Quieter.) Look, if I'm going to carry out your orders, I'll have to give them some pretty complicated information.
(He walks off.)
REEGAN: Still, suit yourself. You want to kill him - kill him.
(There is a long pause while CARRINGTON thinks over what REEGAN has said. Finally, he holsters his gun.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: (To the DOCTOR.) Could you make us a better machine?
DOCTOR: Given the necessary equipment, yes.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: And you're willing to help us?
DOCTOR: It depends on what you're trying to do.
LIZ: (Shocked.) Doctor!
DOCTOR: (Warningly.) Liz! (To CARRINGTON.) Well, General?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: We must alert the world to the menace of an alien invasion!
DOCTOR: When do you expect this invasion?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: At any time.
DOCTOR: They told me that their intentions were peaceful. That these three...beings here, were ambassadors.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Ambassadors! That was just to put us off our guard!
DOCTOR: You're convinced their intentions are hostile then?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Why else should they invade the galaxy? They were on Mars before we were.
DOCTOR: Ah! So that's when you met them - when you were on a previous Mars Probe.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Yes, they killed Jim - Jim Daniels, fellow astronaut - simply by touching him.
DOCTOR: Yes, but they didn't know their touch would kill human beings.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: And now they've walked into my trap - I knew that once I got them here I'd make them reveal their true natures.
DOCTOR: So it was you who sent for those three ambassadors was it?
LIZ: And hired Reegan to kidnap them and use them as killers?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: It was the only way to arouse public opinion.
DOCTOR: Was Sir James Quinlan in on all this?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: No. He just wanted the political glory of being the first to arrange contact with an intelligent alien species. He didn't know of my plan to save the world - he wouldn't have understood.
LIZ: What about Van Lyden and the other astronauts - the human ones?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: They didn't know either - it was the only way.
DOCTOR: Well...I must say you've been very thorough General.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: It was the only way! You do understand that, don't you, Doctor?
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, yes I understand. You had to do what you had to do.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Exactly. We must protect the world - it's our moral duty. Will you help us?
DOCTOR: Yes, yes I'll build your machine for you.
(He pats the DOCTOR on the arm.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Splendid!
(He goes over to REEGAN.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: This man can be of use to us. Give him everything he needs.
REEGAN: Okay.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I'm going to take one of those creatures with me. I've brought a shielded van. Kindly ask one of them to come out.
REEGAN: Open the door.
(REEGAN gestures to LIZ.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM
(The BRIGADIER and CORNISH look at the large monitor screen which just shows a blank blue image.)
FEMALE CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (OOV: Over tannoy.) American space agency report their unmanned observation satellite is now within three miles of the UFO.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To CORNISH.) Why can't they get a picture?
RALPH CORNISH: Well, I assume the radio signals that thing emits are affecting the cameras.
FEMALE CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: Space agency are now about to manoeuvre the satellite down to one mile from the UFO.
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I've got some instructions for you. You're to raid a number of Isotope stores.
REEGAN: Have I?
(CARRINGTON, angry at REEGAN'S attitude, passes him an envelope.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Everything you need's here - passes, maps. Just follow your orders!
REEGAN: (Smiles.) Yes, sir.
(CARRINGTON stalks off and up the stairs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM
FEMALE CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Space agency report total cessation of all signals from observation satellite. It is believed satellite has disintegrated.
(The BRIGADIER is on the telephone.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Right sir.
(He puts the phone down and speaks to CORNISH in a puzzled and dubious tone.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: General Carrington's men have captured an alien astronaut - he's going to bring it here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
(LIZ and the DOCTOR are working on an electronic apparatus. REEGAN enters through the lower doorway with one of his thugs. REEGAN is dressed in a cap and coat for another trip out.)
REEGAN: How's it going? Got everything you need?
DOCTOR: Mm hmm.
REEGAN: How long's it going to take?
DOCTOR: Look, I'm not building a crystal set you know.
(The thug opens the door to the booth and REEGAN transmits an order with his signalling device. An ASTRONAUT steps out. LIZ draws the DOCTOR'S attention to this.)
LIZ: Doctor...
(The DOCTOR rushes to REEGAN.)
DOCTOR: Look, if you let them out, how am I going to test it?
(REEGAN ignores him. Two of the ASTRONAUTS have left the booth. REEGAN sends another signal.)
REEGAN: They'll be back.
DOCTOR: What, more killing?
REEGAN: Only if we have to. Get on with it - I want that machine finished by the time I get back
(He leaves with the ASTRONAUTS. The DOCTOR goes back to making his machine.)
LIZ: You're not just going to do as he tells you?
DOCTOR: Come on Liz, we haven't got much time, you know.
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: EXT. ISOTOPE STORE
(REEGAN'S van drives down a road in isolated spot and pulls up at the gates to the Isotope store which are marked with signs stating that it is "GOVERNMENT PROPERTY" and that "PASSES TO BE SHOWN". The main store is in the grounds beyond the security barrier. As the guards within the premises watch, REEGAN gets out and pulls radiation helmet over his head to go with the suit he is wearing. He opens the rear door and the two ASTRONAUTS get out. The aliens approach the gates in unison. One of the guards warily approaches from other side. REEGAN twists the dial on his device and the ASTRONAUTS touch the gates, causing a red flare of power to surge through the gate and sending the guard flying backwards. The other guard panics and runs into gatehouse to phone for assistance. As a klaxon alarm starts to echo across the site, the ASTRONAUTS touch the lock of the gate, blowing it open. They hold the gates open for the van to drive through.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM
(A temporary TV studio has been set up with a couple of cameras and an opaque cylindrical screen behind which is a secured and struggling ASTRONAUT. JOHN WAKEFIELD is back in the Centre, organising arrangements with GENERAL CARRINGTON.)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: We'll be ready for your live telecast very soon, General.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Splendid!
JOHN WAKEFIELD: Are you sure your men will be able to remove the helmet?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Quite sure.
JOHN WAKEFIELD: Mmm. If there is some sort of alien creature inside that spacesuit...
GENERAL CARRINGTON: As I can assure you there is.
JOHN WAKEFIELD: Has it occurred to you, sir, that this may create world panic?
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: EXT. ISOTOPE STORE
(The klaxon is still blaring as REEGAN attacks a radiation suited worker who is carrying a box marked "ISOTOPE - RADIOACTIVE". He clubs the worker to the ground and starts to carry the box away. A police car approaches the site, its siren blaring. REEGAN carries the box of isotopes on a small transporter to his van. He and his henchman then start to take the box off the transporter. As they are doing so, the police car pulls up in front of the ASTRONAUTS. REEGAN signals to the ASTRONAUTS who touch the policemen, throwing them back. The ASTRONAUTS climb into the van and the door is shut by REEGAN. The van drives off, towards a policeman who gets to his feet and dives out of the van's way.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM
(The BRIGADIER approaches CARRINGTON who is studying the television equipment.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: May I have a word with you, sir?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Yes, Brigadier?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Aliens have raided an isotope factory- several deaths.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: You see? They've already landed. These creatures need radiation to live and they're prepared to rob and murder to get it.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sir!
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Yes!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: There were men helping them!
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Traitors, collaborators, like your friend, the Doctor.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Angrily.) That is an unjustified assumption, sir!
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Is it?
(WAKEFIELD interrupts the erupting argument...)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: General, what exactly do you intend to say in your telecast? It'll be on a world wide hook-up you know.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I shall call on the nations of the world...to unite in an attack on the aliens and their spacecraft. It must be obliterated!
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR and LIZ, watched by another of REEGAN'S heavies, are still working on a complex piece of electronics. They have built a small portable console.)
DOCTOR: All right?
LIZ: Mm hmm.
DOCTOR: Right, switch on the power, Liz, will you?
LIZ: Okay.
(She does so.)
DOCTOR: All right?
(He flicks some switches.)
DOCTOR: Right, let's try and test this thing.
LIZ: (Whispers.) Do you think the signal will be strong enough?
DOCTOR: (Whispers.) Well, I've boosted it as much as I possibly can. (Louder.) Erm, just go over there will you Liz?
(He nods towards the booth.)
LIZ: Right.
DOCTOR: See if they react at all.
(He starts tapping on a electronic keypad.)
DOCTOR: Any reaction?
LIZ: No, not yet.
DOCTOR: Well, we'll just have to keep on trying won't we?
(He keeps tapping. He smiles at the thug and nods at booth. Interested, the thug peers at booth. The DOCTOR keeps tapping...a Morse code message.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. UNIT HQ. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
(At UNIT HQ, PRIVATE JOHNSON, sat at a radio set, takes off his headphones and passes them to SERGEANT BENTON.)
PRIVATE JOHNSON: There we are, sarge, Have a listen.
(BENTON listens to the beeping signal.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Well, it's SOS - we did away with that signal years ago.
PRIVATE JOHNSON: Everybody's picking it up, sarge - taxis, police cars, fire engines. It's on a high-impulse blanket frequency
SERGEANT BENTON: See if you can get a triangulation on it. (Puzzled.) Save our souls?
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM
(WAKEFIELD stands before one of his cameras.)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: This is John Wakefield, talking to you live from the heart of Britain's Space Control headquarters. This telecast is being received in homes all over the world by communications satellite relay.
(He relaxes and speaks to his unseen crew.)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: Right, now after that, I shall introduce the General. When I've introduced him, I want you to pick him up over there. (Points.) All right?
(A very perturbed CORNISH approaches.)
RALPH CORNISH: Mr Wakefield?
(WAKEFIELD passes his clipboard to an assistant.)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: Just a minute. (To CORNISH.) Yes professor?
RALPH CORNISH: Do you really think you should go ahead with this broadcast?
JOHN WAKEFIELD: What do you mean?
RALPH CORNISH: Well, do you realise what the General is going to say?
JOHN WAKEFIELD: He's going to talk about that unidentified flying object.
RALPH CORNISH: He is going to call on the nations of the world to attack it. Blast it out of the sky with missiles.
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
(REEGAN enters the room.)
REEGAN: Haven't you finished yet?
DOCTOR: Oh, we're just about to test it. Hmm? Liz, you stand by the controls will you?
LIZ: Right.
(The DOCTOR stands up and walks over to the booth, a microphone in his hand which connects back to the machine that he and LIZ have made. LIZ adjusts the power. There is a rising hum and the DOCTOR speaks into the microphone.)
DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) Now, we are attempting to convert our speech...into your radio impulses. Can you understand me?
(There is no response. The DOCTOR leans over to the machine and makes an adjustment. He then stands next to the booth again.)
DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) We are attempting to convert our human speech...into your radio impulses. Can you understand me?
REEGAN: (With quiet menace.) It doesn't work.
DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) Can you understand me? Please try to answer.
(Suddenly, as one, the ASTRONAUTS approach booth window. Through the machine, the semi-electronic voice of the aliens is heard.)
ASTRONAUT: (Through speaker.) Why are we kept prisoners? Why do you make us kill?
(REEGAN dashes forward and grabs the microphone.)
REEGAN: (Into microphone.) You'll obey my orders. If you don't, we'll let you die!
ASTRONAUT: (Through speaker.) We are ambassadors and came in peace
REEGAN: (Into microphone.) If you want to live, you'll do exactly what you're told.
(He steps away from the booth.)
REEGAN: Congratulations Doctor. Now, I can make a few plans.
(As REEGAN starts to walk away, LIZ and the DOCTOR go to adjust the machine. REEGAN spots them.)
REEGAN: Leave it alone.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM
FEMALE CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: Unidentified object transmitting to us.
(CORNISH rushes across to his desk from the TV studio area.)
FEMALE CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT: Picture coming through now.
(The ALIEN SPACE CAPTAIN appears on main screen. The view of him is still obscured behind a "venetian blind" effect. Near to the monitor are stood two military policemen from the regular army.)
ALIEN SPACE CAPTAIN: Only a little time remains to you. We have powers to destroy your planet totally, which we shall use if our ambassadors are not returned.
(The image disappears. CORNISH is about to try and get it back when a voice rings out across the room. It is GENERAL CARRINGTON who stands on the upper level of the room.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Now we know where we stand, Gentlemen! We must attack first!
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
(The DOCTOR and LIZ sit at the table facing the thug who guards them with a gun in his hand. The DOCTOR sits back and folds his arms, glaring at their guard.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I must make my broadcast at once!
JOHN WAKEFIELD: But that's impossible, General. The worldwide hook-up won't be ready for another hour yet.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: You must speed it up - get onto your people - this is an emergency.
(WAKEFIELD walks back towards his studio area. CORNISH follows.)
RALPH CORNISH: Wakefield - what are you going to do?
JOHN WAKEFIELD: See if I can speed up the broadcast of course.
(Meanwhile, the BRIGADIER hangs up a phone and approaches CARRINGTON.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I've had a message from my HQ, sir. They're picking up SOS radio signals.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Well?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: There's a chance it may be from the Doctor, sir. I'd like to follow it up, if you'll excuse me.
(He turns to leave.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Just a moment!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sir?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: You think I don't know what's going on, don't you?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I don't quite follow you?
GENERAL CARRINGTON: That Doctor of yours is in league with these creatures and you've been helping him. Security!
(The two military policemen jump forward.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Place this officer under close arrest.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sir, I must protest!
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Hand over your revolver, Brigadier.
(The BRIGADIER complies and hands his gun to one of the policemen.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I've suspected you for some time. All your UNIT people have been locked up and replaced by men I can trust. (To the policemen.) Take him away.
(The BRIGADIER is marched out of the room by the policemen. CARRINGTON turns and sees CORNISH dialling a telephone.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: What are you doing?
RALPH CORNISH: I'm getting on to the Ministry.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Too late, Mr. Cornish. All communications are under my control.
RALPH CORNISH: This Space Centre is under my control.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Not any longer.
(CORNISH realises he has a dead line.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. SPACE CENTRE. TUNNEL TO MAIN ENTRANCE
(The two military policemen are marching the BRIGADIER down a tunnel in the Centre. He puts up a pretence of going quietly but suddenly leaps into action and elbows one in the stomach, then punches the other and throws them to the ground together. He races to a staff car parked nearby and gets in as the downed policemen start shooting at him. He drives away as the policemen get to their feet.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: EXT. SPACE CENTRE ENTRANCE
(The BRIGADIER pulls up to the barrier. The arm is lifted and he drives through to salutes from the military policemen who now guard the Centre. The gate phone rings and a guard answers.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. UNIT HQ. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
(PRIVATE JOHNSON puts down his headphones.)
PRIVATE JOHNSON: It's no good, sarge, I can't raise them. Space HQ have cut themselves off.
SERGEANT BENTON: Well, keep trying.
(The BRIGADIER enters. BENTON jumps to attention.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Sir, we've been trying to reach you!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Those SOS signals - did you get a fix on them?
SERGEANT BENTON: They cut out suddenly. We managed to pin them down.
(He points on a wall map.)
SERGEANT BENTON: Around here. It's funny sir, it's army land - disused firing range.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Realising.) Carrington.
SERGEANT BENTON: It's quite near the Space Centre.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: How many men have we got here, Sergeant?
SERGEANT BENTON: Just one or two, sir. Most of the lads are on duty at the Space Centre.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'll take what men there are. Look, keep that radio manned and get me a revolver will you?
SERGEANT BENTON: Sir.
(The BRIGADIER starts to leave the room.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And lay on a jeep.
SERGEANT BENTON: We can't sir, all the transport's over at Space HQ.
(The BRIGADIER stops in his tracks.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What?
SERGEANT BENTON: Well, how did you get here, sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I borrowed a staff car
SERGEANT BENTON: Well, couldn't we use that?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sergeant, that engine stopped quite a few bullets. I barely made it here. Well, there must be some kind of transport.
SERGEANT BENTON: Sir, th...there is the Doctor's car...
(The BRIGADIER turns and gives him a hard look...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: EXT. ROADWAY BY UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
(Nevertheless, Bessie is soon driving along in the rain, hood up, bristling with rifles sticking out. The car pulls over some distance from the lab. The BRIGADIER gets out and calls for binoculars. He surveys the scene, with REEGAN'S van outside the Laboratory. He gets back in and drives up to the lab just as the Laboratory door opens and two thugs come out who dive for cover behind the van. The soldiers disembark from Bessie as the thugs start shooting. The soldiers return the fire. The thugs soon run out of ammunition.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Right get 'em!
(The two thugs hold their hands up in surrender and two UNIT soldiers approach them and get jumped. One of the thugs manages to grab a rifle off one of the soldiers. A UNIT soldier shoots the unarmed thug but the other starts shooting back. The BRIGADIER manages to tackle the man and the two start trading punches. gets in a punch-up with a thug. Eventually the BRIGADIER delivers a strong uppercut which knocks the man off balance, then another punch which sends him rolling down a steep bank. The UNIT troops run for the lab.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. UNDERGROUND LABORATORY
(REEGAN is pointing to a map on the table and explaining his plan to an uninterested DOCTOR and LIZ.)
REEGAN: Now, you see the main vault is there. And our friends there can blast it open.
DOCTOR: Look, how many times must I tell you? I am not joining you in a programme of bank robbery.
REEGAN: I'm offering you an equal share, Doctor.
(The sounds of gunfire suddenly reach them. REEGAN turns to another of his heavies.)
REEGAN: See what's happening.
(The man runs upstairs into the BRIGADIER, coming through the door, who shoots him. The man falls backwards down the stairs. REEGAN pulls out a gun but the BRIGADIER neatly shoots it out of his hand. As REEGAN holds his injured wrist, the UNIT troops pile into the room.)
REEGAN: Make yourselves at home.
DOCTOR: (Angrily.) What kept you?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I see you're all right, Doctor! Miss Shaw?
LIZ: Just get me out of here.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Carrington's taken over the Space Centre.
DOCTOR: What for?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: He's going to make a telecast urging the world to attack the alien spaceship.
DOCTOR: We've got to stop him at once.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Not so easy. He's arrested all my men and moved in his own troops.
DOCTOR: We've got to get in there somehow.
(The DOCTOR runs for the stairs.)
REEGAN: Why don't you use them?
(He nods towards the ASTRONAUTS. The DOCTOR stops.)
DOCTOR: You know, I think he's right.
REEGAN: You won't forget I thought of it?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (To two soldiers.) Get him out of here.
(The soldiers push him out of the room as the DOCTOR goes to his machine and switches it on.)
DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) We're going to return you to your own people. But first we need your help to prevent a catastrophe.
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: EXT. SPACE CENTRE ENTRANCE
(The barrier arm is down and the huge main doors are closed. UNIT troops are being held by military policemen as Bessie pulls up, followed by REEGAN'S van. The BRIGADIER gets out of Bessie with a megaphone. He speaks into it.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into megaphone.) Open the gates. Open these Gates!
(The military policemen stand with guns raised but do not move. The BRIGADIER looks to the DOCTOR who nods, then the BRIGADIER nods to his UNIT troops who open the back of the van. The two alien ASTRONAUTS get out. The DOCTOR and LIZ get out of Bessie. A soldier carries the communications device for the DOCTOR who takes the microphone and switches on the machine.)
DOCTOR: (Into microphone.) Open the gates. Please try not to harm anyone.
(The ASTRONAUTS approach the military policemen who start shooting. The DOCTOR'S party all dive for cover behind Bessie. The DOCTOR grabs the megaphone.)
DOCTOR: (Into megaphone.) These aliens are invulnerable to your bullets.
(The policemen at the barrier continue firing but sensibly move out of the way of the ASTRONAUTS who raise the barrier and approach the main doors.)
DOCTOR: (Into megaphone.) They will not harm you but you will die if you touch them. ... keep back.
(Another policeman at the doors sees that the bullets have no effect and also runs out of the way. The DOCTOR'S party gets back into Bessie and the van. The ASTRONAUTS touch the lock on the doors and destroy it. The doors swing open and the two vehicles drive through. The UNIT troops rush to re-take control.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. SPACE CONTROL. MAIN CONTROL ROOM
(CARRINGTON, his voice getting more desperate, gives further instructions to WAKEFIELD. He walks in between a camera and the screen hiding the ASTRONAUT.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: When I move across to here, get your camera in close on this creature and my men will forcibly remove his helmet. I want the world to know what these monsters look like.
JOHN WAKEFIELD: All right, General, whatever you say.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: (Calmer.) Good man.
(CORNISH steps forward.)
RALPH CORNISH: General, you must see reason! You can't make this broadcast.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Mr. Cornish, don't interfere in things you don't understand.
RALPH CORNISH: It could bring down total destruction on us!
GENERAL CARRINGTON: You have no concept of moral duty!
RALPH CORNISH: General, you must see...
GENERAL CARRINGTON: (Interrupts.) Security!
(Two military policemen run forward and pull CORNISH away. WAKEFIELD steps before the camera.)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: Five seconds to go, General.
(The two men ready themselves as the seconds tick down, then...)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: This is John Wakefield, speaking to you live from the heart of Britain's Space Control headquarters. This telecast is being received in homes all over the world by communications satellite relay.
(Suddenly, there is the sound of distant gunfire. A look of concern appears on CARRINGTON'S face.)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: Owing to widespread rumours concerning an unidentified flying object hovering above this planet...
(The gunfire gets louder and CARRINGTON starts to look round in obvious unease. WAKEFIELD continues...)
JOHN WAKEFIELD: ...General Carrington, head of Space security, himself an ex-astronaut and Mars probe veteran, is about to speak to you on a matter of tremendous importance...
(The female CONTROL ROOM ASSISTANT screams and runs as the ASTRONAUTS enter amid gunfire.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: They're here, we're being invaded!
(He fires at the ASTRONAUTS who continue to pace towards him.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: Security Patrol!
(He continues to shoot at the ASTRONAUTS as they approach him. His gun runs out of bullets as the DOCTOR, the BRIGADIER and UNIT soldiers enter in force. The BRIGADIER approaches the GENERAL, his own gun raised.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It's no good, General. I've released my men. This place is in my hands.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: (Desperate.) I must make this broadcast. It's a matter of world survival!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: I'm sorry, General. I must place you under arrest.
GENERAL CARRINGTON: (Amazed.) Arrest?
(SERGEANT BENTON steps forward to takes the gun off the dazed GENERAL. However, CARRINGTON hands his weapon over to the BRIGADIER, puts on his cap and picks up his swagger stick.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The Sergeant will look after you.
(CARRINGTON starts to march away, escorted by BENTON but the GENERAL stops in front of the DOCTOR.)
GENERAL CARRINGTON: I had to do what I did. It was my moral duty. You do understand, don't you?
DOCTOR: (Nods.) Yes, General. I understand.
(CARRINGTON is taken away. The DOCTOR crosses over to the TV studio area.)
DOCTOR: Er, please release that gentleman.
(The screen around the captive ASTRONAUT starts to rise.)
DOCTOR: Right, Mr. Cornish, we've got to get a message up to that alien space ship and tell them that their ambassadors are safe and well.
RALPH CORNISH: Doctor, where are my three astronauts?
DOCTOR: My dear chap, they're still up there. But don't worry, they're all right. They're quite safe. Now we've got to make an exchange.
RALPH CORNISH: Exchange?
(The former captive ASTRONAUT joins his two companions. The three face the humans in the room.)
DOCTOR: We'll send these three up in Recovery 7. They'll send down our three astronauts.
RALPH CORNISH: But what about the fuel problem?
DOCTOR: Well, simple. We'll use pure M3 Variant - and don't forget they're not susceptible to g-force.
(CORNISH crosses to his desk and presses a control.)
RALPH CORNISH: (Into microphone.) This is control. Get me the fuel bay.
(The DOCTOR crosses to him and holds his hand out.)
DOCTOR: Well goodbye, Mr. Cornish. I've got a lot of work to do in my own laboratory.
(CORNISH shakes hands.)
RALPH CORNISH: Doctor, I'll need your help to communicate with the...ambassadors.
(The DOCTOR indicates LIZ.)
DOCTOR: Well, here you are. Here's Miss Shaw. She's much more practical than I am. (To the BRIGADIER.) Good-bye Brigadier.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Thank you, Doctor.
LIZ: Goodbye, Doctor.
(The DOCTOR smiles and crosses to the three ASTRONAUTS.)
DOCTOR: Goodbye, gentlemen.
(He goes to shake hands but suddenly thinks better of it. He smiles.)
DOCTOR: Have a nice trip!
(He walks out of the room as those left behind begin their task...) | Plan: A: live television; Q: On what medium is Carrington planning to expose the aliens? A: an interplanetary war; Q: What is Carrington planning to call for? A: Brigadier; Q: Who must rescue the Doctor and Liz in time to stop Carrington? Summary: Carrington is planning to expose the aliens on live television and call for an interplanetary war and the Brigadier must rescue the Doctor and Liz in time to stop him. |
[Title: The Year 2030]
Narrator: So kids, would you like to hear the story of the time I went deaf?
Son: Why does he even ask?
Daughter: I know, he's just going to tell us anyway.
Narrator: I sure am. It all began.
[The Bar - Ted/Robin/Barney]
Narrator: When Robin strolled into the bar and said.
Robin: Say you're my bitch.
Ted: I'm your bitch. Why this time?
Robin: Because tonight, I am getting us all into "Okay".
Barney: "Okay"!? Awesome!!
Ted: What's going on, did I just have a stroke?
Barney: "Okay" is the name of a club. Yeah, it's supposed to be incredibly exclusive. This friend of mine once waited outside for two hours, he couldn't get in.
Ted: A friend of yours named you?
Barney: No... a friend of mine named, shut up.
Robin: Yeah, well the owner goes to my gym. It turns out that he is a fan of my reporting for Metro News One. So now, I'm on the list for tonight.
Ted: Nice going, Scherbatsky. You're becoming a long and difficult-to-spell household name.
Robin: He's even getting me into the VIP room.
Barney: Yeah, he just wants to show you his own VIP if you know what I mean...
Robin: Okay, what does "VIP" stand for in your universe?
Barney:... I know that the "P" is pen1s.
Robin: Alright, so you guys are in. Should I invite Marshall and Lily?
(Ted and Barney laugh)
Narrator: Why was this funny? I'll explain. You see.
(Shows picture of Lily's Classroom)
Narrator: Lily was a kindergarten teacher. And so, one fateful naptime...
[Flashback - Lily's Classroom]
(Kids Napping and Lily talking to friend, Claire)
Claire: Austin and I spent Saturday night at the most charming bed and breakfast. It was so nice. What did you do this weekend?
(Cut to the Bar)
Crowd: CHUG, CHUG, CHUG (etc...)
(Lily chugs beer)
Marshall: TEN SECONDS!!
Lily: SUCK IT LOSERS! (Burps)
(Cut to Kids Napping and Lily talking to friend, Claire)
Lily: You know, quiet time with the fiancé.
(Cut to the Apartment. Lily talking to Marshall)
Lily: I don't know, I just felt embarrassed. Claire is my age, and she and her husband do all these classy grownup stuff. Maybe we should start doing some grownup stuff.
Marshall: That was some pretty grownup stuff we did this morning.
Lily: (Laughs) Yeah, but it wasn't classy. Maybe we should have a wine tasting party.
Marshall: I like wine. I like tasting. You know I can party, let's do it. Let's rock it, maturity style!
[Flashback ends]
Ted: Ever since then she's been signing him up for book clubs, cooking classes...
Barney: All the things you do when you know where the next ten thousand lays are coming from.
Ted: So, no. Lily and Marshall will not be doing this.
Robin: Got it. Anyway, Ted, part two of my story: my friend Kelly's going to be there.
Ted: Kelly, who supposedly I'm gonna love?
Robin: Oh, you are gonna love Kelly. She's fun, she's smart, she lives in the moment.
Barney: Translation, she's ugly, she's ugly, she ugs in the ugly.
Robin: Oh, and she's totally hot.
Ted: Okay, I guess I can take her off your hands for an evening.
Barney: So, do you have any other hot single fr...
Robin: No, Kelly works with the news breakers...
[The Apartment - Ted/Lily/Marshall]
(Ted walks out of his room, well-dressed)
Lily: Oh, no, Ted, your blazer!
Ted: What, what, what...?
Lily: Somebody spilled gorgeous all over it. Love it!
Ted: Thank you.
Barney: (enters) And his hair was perfect.
Lily: Hey we're wearing the same shirt! Oh, wait no that's just my shirt reflected in yours.
Barney: One of the twenty-four similarities between girls and fish is that they're both attracted to shiny objects. You really never read my blog, do you?
Ted: Alright, Tin-Man. Let's hit it.
Marshall: Alright, well, have fun at your little disco, guys.
Barney: What the hell happened to these two?
Lily: Marshall and I are just growing up.
Marshall: Yeah, it's going to be sweet, too. Like tonight we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool gourmet cheeses...
Barney: Wow, who knew being committed in a heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.
Ted: Alright, cool kids are leaving now. Grandma, grandpa... don't wait up.
[Outside the Okay club - Ted/Barney]
Barney: My, oh, my there are some ferocious looking cutlets here tonight. Alright, hookup strategy, colon, find a cutlet; lock her in early, grind with her all night till she's mine.
Ted: Do strategies ever work for you?
Barney: Question is: do these strategies ever not work for me? Either way the answer's "about half the time".
Robin: (Shows up) My bitches! Check this out. (To Doorman) They're with me. (Doorman allows them in)
Bradley: (Geek on the street) Uh... we're her bitches too. (Doorman gives them a look) We'll wait here...
[The Apartment, the Wine Tasting Party - Marshall/Lily/Their friends]
Chris:...And with todays interest rate climbing, you gotta go for the thirty year fixed mortgage.
Austin: Oh, totally. (High-five) So, Marshall, what about you? You guys thinking house, baby?
Claire: Ah! (Laugh)
Marshall: Ah, no I think we're going to wait on the baby thing. I mean I love babies. Babies rule. Pudgy arms and stuff, but they make you old. Kind of like this anchor weighing you down to one spot...forever.
Claire: I'm three month's pregnant.
Marshall: I don't know guys. It's not awkward unless we let it be awkward.
["Okay" Club - Robin/Ted/Barney]
(Coat check)
Ted: This place seems great. Is Kelly here?
Robin: Yeah, she's around somewhere. Let's go find her, I'll introduce you guys. Then I should probably dock into the VIP room, so stupid and arbitrary isn't it, who get's to be in VIP and who doesn't?
Ted: Can we come?
Robin: It's... not that arbitrary...
(They walk closer to entrance)
Ted: Whoa... this place in lourd!
Barney: You think?
(The enter dance floor)
(Incredibly loud music. You can't hear anything the characters are saying... you see subtitles)
Barney: (Subtitle) Okay, it's a little loud.
Robin: (Subtitle) There's Kelly. (Leads them through the crowd)
(Barney opens shirt a little. Robin finds Kelly, they hug. You see them being introduced)
Ted: (Subtitle) You want to go somewhere we can talk?
Kelly: (Subtitle) Totally! (Walks him to the middle of the dance floor and starts dancing)
Ted: (Subtitle)...Okay...
(Barney dances behind a woman he doesn't know. Woman doesn't notice who he is but accepts. They grind.)
[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall/Their friends]
Marshall: You think it was kind of weird that Ted didn't invite me out with him?
Lily: Why, you'd rather be out at some dance club, all noisy and sweaty with the... (Imitates music beat). Is that what you want? (Imitates music beat.)
Marshall: Is this what you want? (Imitating Chris) Thirty year fixed mortgage. (Imitating Claire) I'm three months pregnant. (You see Claire behind him) That was awkward. (Claire turns around and leaves)
Lily: (to guests) Let's start drinking!
Chris: Oh, not so fast. In order for the tannins to mellow, you should let it breathe for about thirty minutes.
Marshall: Freaking ten ends.
[Okay Club - Robin/Ted/Kelly/Barney]
Robin: (To VIP room doorman. Subtitle) Robin Scherbastky? (Door man shakes head) Robin Scherbatsky! (Doorman refuses. Robin walks away)
Ted: (Subtitle) So, how do you know Robin?
Kelly: (Subtitle) Sagittarius.
Ted: (Subtitle) Is that near Westchester?
Kelly: (Subtitle) I would love one. Just a beer! (Imitates shooter. Ted mouths "Oh, okay" and leaves)
[The Apartment, Wine Party - Lily/Marshall/Their friends]
Marshall: You know what they're doing in there right now? They're watching Claire's ultrasound video and I swear to god even the baby looks bored.
Lily: Come on, it's not that bad. We're really starting to click with these guys. Claire and Austin just invited us to their fondue fest next Saturday night.
Marshall: You're also trying to get me excited about fondue?
Lily: It's dipping stuff in hot cheese, what's not to love?
Marshall: Okay, that does sound good. But it's dipping stuff in hot cheese with boring people.
Lily: Marshall, it's time for us to grow up.
Narrator: Marshall knew she was right. He had to stop acting like a kid.
[The Apartment (Bathroom) - Marshall]
Narrator: But not tonight. Now our apartment was on the third floor, so I'm not sure if this part is actually true, but Uncle Marshall swears it happened.
(Cut to alleyway)
(You see Marshall landing a jump on the ground, then walking off camera)
Marshall: Taxi!
[Okay Club - Ted]
(Ted edges over to the bar and orders two beers)
Bartender: (Subtitle) "34".
Ted: (Subtitle) "14"?
Bartender: (Subtitle) "34"
Ted: (Subtitle) "7"?
(Bartender writes down "34", then shows Ted)
Bartender: (Subtitle) "34!"
[The Apartment - Lily/Her friends]
Chris: The new album is great; it's all smooth and polished, not all dark and heavy like the early stuff.
Claire: Oh, yeah. Norah Jones just gets better and better.
Lily: Please tell me we can drink the wine now.
Chris: Five more minutes, we don't want to rush to tannins.
Lily: Freaking tannins.
[Okay Club - Ted/Kelly]
Ted: (Subtitle) You really like this place? (Kelly nods. Subtitle) You have no idea what I'm saying, do you? I'm from outer space! I got thrown out of Sea World for humping a dolphin! (Music stops. Ted yells) I'M WETTING MY PANTS. (Everyone stares at him. Music begins again)
Narrator: I think that's when I realized, clubs weren't awesome. Clubs weren't even "okay". Clubs sucked. I had to get out of there.
[Outside the Okay Club - Marshall/Robin]
(Marshall runs in)
Marshall: Hey, Robin.
Robin: Hey!
Marshall: Why aren't you inside?
Robin: I'm calling the owner, there's a guy in there who won't let me in to the stupid VIP room. What are you doing here?
Marshall: Oh, I had this move. So I came here to bust it. Can you get me in? (Motions to doorman that he's with her)
Robin: Great, voicemail.
Marshall: Thanks, I'll see ya.
Robin: Bye.
Phil: (another geek outside) Oh, come on! He just got here!
Man on Street: Probably famous.
Bradley: Oh yeah, isn't there a third Affleck Brother? Keith Affleck or Brian Affleck or something?
Phil: Holy Crap. We just saw Brian Affleck! (High-five)
Robin: (On Phone) And it's not that I care so much about getting into the VIP room, I have been in tons of VIP rooms, not exactly a VIP room virgin. (You see doormen changing shifts) Seriously, call me back. (Turns around to doorman #2) Oh, um... I was just in there. Robin Scherbatsky, I'm on the list.
Doorman#2: Name's already crossed off, sorry.
Robin: But, I'm Robin Scherbatsky. I'm a reporter for channel one.
Doorman#2: There's a channel one? Back of the line!
Phil: You shoulda snuck in with Brian Affleck.
[The Dance floor in the Okay Club - Barney/Ted/Marshall]
(Barney grinding with random woman. Barney tries to see her face, can't. Ted walks by.)
Ted: (Subtitle) I'm bailing, see ya.
Barney: (Subtitle) Oh hey, I can't see her face. Is she hot?
(Ted checks)
Woman: (Subtitle) Hi.
Ted: (Subtitle) Nice eyes. Cute smile. Out of your league.
(They continue grinding. Ted leaves. Bumps into Marshall)
Marshall: Aah! Coat wench do not uncheck that man's jacket. Sorry, just being dramatic. You're not a wench.
Coat Check Girl: No, no, no. Coat wench, I like it. I should get a sign made of it.
Ted: What are you doing here? Lily let you go?
Marshall: Lily? Pfft. Who cares right?
Ted: You are so dead.
Marshall: Oh, I'm so dead.
Ted: Wow. Uh... I'm going home.
Marshall: Aah! I put my ass and probably other parts of my body on the line to party with my bro. Now damn it, we're gonna party.
Ted: Alright, one beer.
Marshall: Yes, finally I don't have to wait half an hour for a drink.
[Title: One Half Hour Later...]
(They come out of the bar with drinks)
Marshall: (Subtitle) Yeah. No tannins.
(Scene Freezes)
Narrator: Oh man, I can't believe I forgot to tell you this. This is important to the story. Earlier that day, Marshall went to the dentist and got a temporary crown put in. Okay, so anyway.
(Scene unfreezes. Marshall drinks beer. Jolts, falls to the ground)
Marshall: (Subtitle) AAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!! (Pulls out crown)
Ted: (Subtitle) Come on, let's go. (Marshall refuses)
Marshall: (Subtitle) I'm staying. (Marshall dances ridiculously, in pain)
[The Apartment (Bathroom) - Lily]
(Lily talking to the bathroom door)
Lily: Marshall, are you okay?
(Walks in and discovers he ran away out the open window. She calls Marshall and hears loud music, hangs up shocked.)
Narrator: Again, I wasn't there. So I'm a little foggy on the details. (Lily jumps on the ground of the alleyway)
Lily: Taxi!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Outside the Okay Club - Robin/Lily]
Lily: Hey.
Robin: Hey.
Lily: Marshall just ditched out on our own party. Can you get me in there? I kind of need to kill him.
Robin: Actually, I can't even get myself in. I was such a dork. I get recognized one time and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. No VIP. I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lonely little P sitting out here in the gutter.
Lily: Know something; I'd take a pee in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day. (They realize it sounds gross and laugh)
[Okay Club - Ted/Marshall/Barney]
(They play music that stops and plays every few seconds.)
Ted: (Subtitle) There's Barney. I'm leaving. (Marshall wobbles over to Barney)
(Music stops for five seconds)
Marshall: Broke my tooth.
(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)
Marshall:...Do you have...
(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)
Marshall:...any aspirin?
(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)
Barney: Maybe theres...
(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)
Barney: a machine in...
(Music plays for five seconds, stops for five seconds)
Barney: The restroom.
(Marshall goes to the restroom)
Narrator: Now to this day, I don't know what happened in there. But when Marshall came out a few minutes later, (Marshall comes out happy and relieved)
(Ted asks for coat)
Coat Check Girl: Rough night?
Ted: Yeah, these clubs are supposed to be fun, right? Why do I hate them so much?
Coat Check Girl: Because all of the stuff you're supposed to like... usually sucks. Like these clubs or cruises.
Ted: Or New Year's Eve.
Coat Check Girl: Or the Super Bowl.
Ted: Or parades.
Coat Check Girl: The rockettes.
Ted: Or parades.
Coat Check Girl: (laughs) You said that already.
Ted: I really hate parades. (Laughs)
[Outside the Okay Club - Lily/Robin]
Lily: He just left, in the middle of our own party, you don't do that. Unless, of course, you're chasing after someone who's already done it, and then I think it's okay.
Robin: Well, I hate to take his side... but come one a wine tasting? What's the big plan for next Saturday, scrabble night?
Lily: Don't check your email.
Robin: Why are you becoming this person? I heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare.
Lily: Once on a dare. The other times were just for fun. I'm not in college anymore. I'd love to go back and be that person again, but you can't move backwards you can only go forward.
Robin: Um, pause... you can go wherever you want. I guess the question is where do you want to go?
Lily: I want to go into this club and find my fiancé.
Robin: Well that you can't do. (Silence)
Lily: Wanna bet? (They get up) Follow my lead. (To doorman) Hey, big guy. (Flashes doorman, geeks watching.) I said follow my lead.
Phil: "Follow my lead".
Bradley: Please, please, please.
(Robin flashes. They enter)
Bradley: Those were the four greatest and only breasts I have ever seen.
[Inside Coat Check room in the Okay Club - Coat Check Girl/Ted]
Coat Check Girl: Yeah, see, everyone keeps telling you something is supposed to be fun, it's usually not.
Ted: Right.
Coat Check Girl: Right!
Ted: So, by that logic, if you and I were to, say, go out on a date.
Coat Check Girl: Then we couldn't go anywhere that's supposed to be fun.
Ted: Right. The DMV it is.
Coat Check Girl: Then we'll get our teeth cleaned.
Ted: Sounds awful, it's a date.
Coat Check Girl: (laughs) Okay.
Ted: But there's still one big question that needs to be answered.
(Music stops)
Ted: How many of these coats do you think I could put on all at once?
(Music starts)
[The dance floor - Lily/Robin/Marshall]
(Lily motions for them to split up and look for Marshall. He's in the middle of a dance circle busting his moves. Lily just watches amazed. Marshall notices his fiancé. Lily laughs.)
[The Apartment - Marshall and Lily's friends]
Chris: Okay, this question is for the wedge. (Takes a question card)
[The dance floor - Barney/Leslie/Ted]
(Barney grinding. They turn around and finally see each other)
Woman: Barney?? (Pushes him away and storms off. Barney walks out to the coat check)
Ted: (Comes out wearing many coats) Barney.
Barney: Ted, bring your coat, we're leaving.
Ted: What? What happened to that, uh, cutlet you were grinding with?
Barney: That was my cousin, Leslie.
Ted: (laughs) What?!
Barney: No, no, no... we are not laughing about this, Ted. This is not going to be some funny story that we'll be telling in a couple months. It's not gonna be like, "Hey, remember that time when you were grinding with... NO! And you know why? Because, italics, this night did not happen. And you promise me that you will never, ever, ever tell another soul what transpired here tonight. You promise. Promise
Ted: (Laughing) Alright, I promise. Let's get Marshall and go, okay. (Takes coats off. To Coat Check Girl) Hey. Thanks for saving my night. I'll talk to you soon? Umm, hey... tip her, Barney.
Barney: Why, I didn't check a coat. And even if I did, on principle tip jars have become so...
Ted: Funny story, Barney was grinding with this girl all night...
Barney: FINE! Just... eh. (Leaves)
Ted: That's a handy new trick. (They run up to the dance floor)
Narrator: So, Marshall and Lily rediscovered their youth. It was nice, and then it got icky. (Lily and Marshall kiss and she grabs his ass)
Barney, Ted and Robin: (Subtitle) Eww.
[The Cab ride home - All]
(They're all deafening from the loud music. Silence)
Ted: (Yelling) I'M REALLY GLAD YOU GUYS CAME OUT TONIGHT.
Marshall: (Yelling) YOU KNOW DUDE, CAN I JUST SAY SOMETHING? IT KIND OF HURT THAT YOU GUYS DIDN'T INVITE ME OUT (Lily's asleep on his shoulder) I MEAN I KNOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE I GOT ENGAGED BUT IT WOULD'VE BEEN NICE TO BE ASKED.
Ted: I'M SORRY, I JUST ASSUMMED YOU...
Barney: THEY PLAYED SOME GOOD SONGS TONIGHT.
Ted: --HAD OTHER PLANS. I MEAN LATELY...
Marshall: I KNOW, I KNOW. IT JUST SEEMS LIKE SUDDENLY WE'RE LIVING IN TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS. MAYBE YOU'VE GOT MORE IN COMMON WITH BARNEY.
Barney: WHAT?
Ted: YOU CRAZY? YOU THINK I LIKE GOING TO THOSE CLUBS? I'D SO MUCH RATHER GO TO YOUR FRUITY LITTLE WINE TASTING.
(Lily wakes up)
Lily: Oh, my god...I'm going to barf. Where's my purse, where's my purse? (Sleeps) I'm okay.
Ted: PROBLEM IS... YOU CAN'T DO ANY OF THAT COUPLE STUFF UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO DO IT WITH. AND THE ONLY WAY I'M GOING TO FIND THAT SOMEONE IS BY GOING OUT DOING STUPID SINGLE STUFF WITH BARNEY.
Barney: WHAT?
Ted: BUT MAN, WHEN I FIND HER. WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SOME BADASS WINE TASTINGS.
Marshall: IT'S A PLAN! HEY MAYBE IT'LL BE THAT CUTE COAT CHECK GIRL!
Ted: YEAH, MAYBE IT WILL BE.
(Scene Freezes)
Narrator: It wasn't.
(Scene unfreezes)
Marshall: YOU KNOW, TED, I DON'T SAY THIS NEARLY ENOUGH BUT REALLY...
Barney: THAT PLACE MAKES GREAT SALADS!
(Music begins as Lily shifts her head over to Ted's shoulder.) | Plan: A: Robin; Q: Who invites the group to a nightclub? A: a wine and cheese party; Q: What do Marshall and Lily decide to host instead of going to a nightclub? A: their own party; Q: Where did Marshall and Lily escape to join the rest of the group at the nightclub? Summary: Robin invites the group to a nightclub, but Marshall and Lily decide to host a wine and cheese party in an attempt to act more mature. Marshall and Lily quickly grow bored, however, and escape their own party in order to join the rest of the group at the nightclub, where they discover Robin outside, unable to gain re-entry into the club. Meanwhile, Ted and Barney experience unforeseen events while dancing. |
WAGON RESTAURANT
The restaurant burns.
NATHAN(voice-over): Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love. And then for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.
CAR
Dan is in a car with Chris Keller. He has a gun.
DAN: If you can, leave the killing to me. I'm already on the list.
CHRIS: Chris Keller doesn't like this.
DAN: Let's go.
POLICE'S CAR
Chase is arrested.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Clay and Quinn argue.
QUINN: Clay, listen to me! I told you I don't want your help. Can't you see that you're in trouble? We need to figure this out!
CLAY: I told you to go! I don't need you here, Quinn!
QUINN: You don't mean that.
CLAY: You're right. It's not that I don't need you here...it's that I don't want you here! Get out!
CAFE
Brooke messes up the cafe.
MORGUE
Haley comes to see a body. She cries.
STREET
Julian is fighted.
JULIAN: Is that all you got?
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke sleeps and hears babies crying.
BROOKE: Julian. Julian, can you get him?
(Julian is not in the bed)
BROOKE: Hey... babe?
Brooke enter in the living room and sees Julian with Davis in him arms.
BROOKE: Jude again?
JULIAN: Davis.
BROOKE: He's been sleeping so well.
JULIAN: I think they tag off. That way, they both get their rest, unlike us.
BROOKE: It'll get better.
JULIAN: We said that months ago. Seriously, I say we go with plan "B"...we find a really nice mansion and leave them on the porch. After that, we sleep, we go to movies, we go to restaurants, and we never speak of this again.
BROOKE: I'll take him. Oh, what have you got to be so grumpy about? Hmm? You want this?
JULIAN: I got to sleep.
BROOKE: Okay.
JULIAN: Every night, every hour, you're driving around in the car, I'm walking around like a zombie. People say it gets better? People lie.
BROOKE: You're stressing out about the sound stage?
JULIAN: Yeah. It's gonna work out, right?
BROOKE: It's gonna work out.
JULIAN: It has to.
BROOKE: It will. And then we'll see movies... and maybe even sleep. I promise. See? Yeah...
(Jude crying)
BROOKE: I got it.
JULIAN: Plan "C"... we take them to an orphanage. They're cute. Somebody will take them.
BROOKE: Somebody would. Somebody would take you.
NALEY'S HOUSE/AEROPORT
Nathan calls Haley.
HALEY(at phone): hi, honey.
NATHAN(at phone): I woke you up. I'm sorry. I thought you'd be up with Lydia.
HALEY(at phone): No. No, she's not doing that 5:00 a.M. Thing anymore, which her daddy would know if he was ever here.
NATHAN(at phone): All right, you know what? This is all just a bad dream, Haley James. Go back to bed.
HALEY(at phone): Don't you dare. I miss you.
NATHAN(at phone): Not as much as I miss you. But soon I will be home, Clay will go to Europe, and we can all be a family again.
HALEY(at phone): It's better when you're here.
NATHAN(at phone): Yeah. It is. Okay. You go back to bed. I'll call you when the sun's up.
HALEY(at phone): That's like 10 minutes from now.
NATHAN(at phone): 10 minutes, I'll call you back.
HALEY(at phone): You better not. I love you, Nathan Scott.
NATHAN(at phone): I love you, too, angel. Sweet dreams.
PARK
Clay is lying on a turned round.
WAGON RESTAURANT
The restaurant burns. Dan is in front of the built.
NATHAN(voice-over): People say hell is endless. They say it's our worst nightmare, the face of our darkness. But whatever it is, however it is, I say hell is empty...and all the devils are here.
KAREN'S CAFE
Haley comes in and sees the door is opened.
HALEY: Hello?
PARK
Quinn picks up Clay.
CHASE'S LOFT
Chase and Alex are in the bed together. The alarm clock beeps.
ALEX: Oh, my God, what is that?
CHASE: Smoke alarm.
ALEX: Mm. Stop, drop, and roll.
(Chase gets up)
ALEX: Why'd you do that?
CHASE: What?
ALEX: Put the clock all the way over there.
CHASE: Because we have a big shipment coming in at tric, and my girlfriend's so hot that if I don't, I won't get up.
ALEX: Mmm. Are you sure you have to go?
CHASE: You're the devil. You know that?
ALEX: You love it.
CHASE: What the hell? A bar doesn't need booze, right?
ALEX: Go to work, my sexy fighter pilot/ bar manager.
CHASE: Tonight, you and me, this bed...we'll do some things.
ALEX: Mmm. I hope so, especially since I'm gonna tease you all day long.
CHASE: Oh, be careful, dupre. I might tease back. I like waking up to you.
ALEX: I like waking up to you.
OFFICE
Julian signs some papers.
PARK
Quinn and Clay talks about Clay's problem.
QUINN: You have to see someone.
CLAY: A lot of people sleepwalk.
QUINN: Around their bedroom, and then they get back into bed. They don't get dressed, grab their phone, and go sleep in a park.
CLAY: If it happens again, I'll go.
QUINN: "Again"? Clay, the first time, I found you out by the pool, where you could have sleep-drowned, then out on the beach, and now in a park a mile away.
CLAY: I know. But I feel like I'm gonna be fine. I promise. Just no doctors, okay? Not yet.
KAREN'S CAFE
Brooke enters in the cafe.
BROOKE: Hi. Hi, everyone.
ALL: Hi, Brooke!
BROOKE: I love that.
HALEY: Hey. So, you getting any sleep?
BROOKE: Nope. It's terrible.
HALEY: No, you got to let them cry it out.
BROOKE: I can't! They team up on me with their wonder-twin powers of cuteness, and it's like I get a double dose of guilt. How do you do it?
HALEY: Um, iPod and a glass of wine.
BROOKE: I just feel bad for Julian. He's so exhausted and stressed out about the sound stage. He signs the papers today.
HALEY: That's exciting.
BROOKE: I know, but he's freaked out about the loans. It's a lot of money.
HALEY: Yeah, well, iPod and a glass of wine. All right, I'm gonna go meet the guy that's gonna run red bedroom.
BROOKE: Run red, run red. I need to sleep.
HALEY: Yes, you do.
BROOKE: Yeah.
HALEY: Oh, hey, um, when I got here this morning, the front door was wide open.
BROOKE: What?
HALEY: Everything was fine, but just try and, like, make sure you lock up tight when you leave. Okay. See you.
BROOKE: Good luck.
HALEY: Bye, Lydia! Bye, baby. Mwah! I love you! Bye, Quinny.
QUINN: Love ya.
HALEY: Bye, Clay. iPod and a glass of wine. Bye, everyone!
ALL: Bye, Haley!
HALEY: Love that!
SOUND STAGE
Julian enters in his new investment.
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Haley meets the new guy who run the label. It's Chris Keller.
HALEY: Hello?
CHRIS: Well, well.
HALEY: Nope. No.
CHRIS: All right, you sound like the last four girls I asked out.
HALEY: What are you trying to pull off, Chris?
CHRIS: You still sound like the last...
HALEY: What?
CHRIS: You hired me to run the label. Okay, Chris Keller was using a fake name, but... you look hot, by the way.
HALEY: You are not running the label.
CHRIS: Okay, okay, you don't look hot...Even though you do. Look... the point is, you liked the guy in the e-mails.
HALEY: Yeah, I liked the guy in the e-mails. The guy in the e-mails was Harry Johnson. I liked Harry Johnson. "Harry Johnson"... that's nice. Nice to see you've grown up over the years, Chris.
CHRIS: Come on! That's funny. Look... just... just give me a chance. Besides, the parent company already signed off on me, and they're kind of your boss, so...
HALEY: So, I'm gonna talk to them. And this little arrangement is temporary. Don't get too comfortable. Liar!
CHRIS: This is gonna be great! Did I mention you look hot?
TRIC
Haley gets out the label's office. Chase is here.
HALEY: Stupid, lying, arrogant, third-person-talking jerk!
CHASE: Hey.
HALEY: "Harry Johnson."
CHASE: "Harry Johnson"?
(Cellphone vibrates, Alex texts him)
CHASE: Whew.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke talks to her sons.
BROOKE: Hey. Dude. Wake up. We are awake during the day. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. You get a job, you go to work, and you can sleep at night. Yeah. Yeah.
(Knock on door, baby cries)
BROOKE: Oh, look who's upset when he doesn't get to sleep. Join the club.
It's Victoria.
VICTORIA: There they are. My handsome men. Yes, you are. Oh, you're just fabulous.
BROOKE: Hi, mom.
VICTORIA: Oh, you're just fabulous. You're the fabulous baker boys! Yes, you are! Ooh, yeah. Let me hold you.
BROOKE: Okay.
VICTORIA: These outfits are adorable, Brooke!
BROOKE: Thank you. I made them, which brings me to this. I have an idea for a new line.
VICTORIA: Oh, but you already had baby Brooke.
BROOKE: Yes, I did have baby Brooke. But thanks to you, I no longer have it, or any of my wealth. Yeah. Thank you, Victoria and Millie the crackhead, yes, yes. You love me so much. And besides, that was for girls. This would be for boys, and we'd call it... Should we tell grandma what it's called? Should we say "paddy cake, paddy cake, baker man"? A line of designer duds for your little man...Or men. We could start over, mom. What do you think?
VICTORIA: Yeah. We will, honey. It's just that, you know, the way that the men's line struggled and with the economy the way it is...
BROOKE: Yeah. It's okay. It was just an idea.
VICTORIA: No, but we'll find it, sweetie. Now, do you need help with the christening tomorrow?
BROOKE: No. We'll just meet at the church. By the way, I invited daddy.
VICTORIA: Why on earth would you do that?
BROOKE: Because I asked him to be a godparent.
VICTORIA: Your father? Does he even know you have children?
BROOKE: He said he would.
VICTORIA: Well, he said he'd be at your wedding. He lies. Whatever makes you think he'll change?
BROOKE: You did. They're his grandchildren, too, mom. He should know them.
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Alex comes and sees Chris. He listens to Alex's music.
ALEX: Hey.
CHRIS: Hi.
ALEX: Pretty good, huh?
CHRIS: What? I-I can't hear you over this crappy song.
ALEX: Don't call my song crappy.
CHRIS: It's the truth. Well, actually, the song is good, and you're good, but this production's all wrong. Where's the slide guitar? Where's the Hammond?
ALEX: It's an acoustic track.
CHRIS: It's crappy.
ALEX: You're crappy.
CHRIS: Look... if you want someone to tell you how great you are, go talk to your boyfriend. Okay. Chris Keller was hoping you'd say, "I don't have a boyfriend," but that doesn't really matter, does it?
ALEX: What's that supposed to mean?
CHRIS: It means you're an actress.
ALEX: What's that supposed to mean?
CHRIS: It means you're used to being treated special. It means you need constant praise and positive feedback. It means you stand there with your arms crossed, staring at me with this really sexy pout when you have to hear that this version of your probably not-bad song is crappy.
ALEX: It's unbelievable how much I hate you.
CHRIS: Nice. See, in the movies, this is sexual tension. We argue first, and then slowly you start to like Chris Keller, and then we do it. We can skip the "slowly" part if you want to.
ALEX: I hate you. I hate you!
CHRIS: The song's crappy! That ass is not.
CHASE'S LOFT
Alex comes back upset.
ALEX: Stupid, lying, arrogant, third-person-talking jerk!
CHASE: Hey. Should I put my pants back on?
CLINN'S HOUSE
Clay goes to bed. Quinn is already in bed.
CLAY: Remember when you were a little kid and it was impossible for your parents to get you to go to bed? Now I can't wait to sleep.
QUINN: It's probably because you've been walking around like a zombie every night and your body's exhausted.
CLAY: Not every night. Not tonight. You'll see. You staying up?
QUINN: I'm just gonna finish this article.
CLAY: All right. Night, babe.
QUINN: Night.
(Quinn tries to stay awake all the night. She reads an article, watches a movie, plays games on her tablet)
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley goes downstairs and sees the door is opened. She locks it. She checks up Jamie and her cellphone rings.
HALEY(at phone): You scared the hell out of me.
NATHAN(at phone): I'm sorry. You okay?
HALEY(at phone): Yeah. I just don't know why we bought such a big house. It's really spooky when you're not here.
NATHAN(at phone): Like spooky for a reason,or "you watched a scary movie" spooky?
HALEY(at phone): They're both spooky, okay? Besides, it isn't fair when you're supposed to have a big, strong husband that should be here, and I sleep better knowing that your side of the bed is closer to the door because if somebody breaks in, they...they're probably gonna get to you first, and then I can run, okay?
NATHAN(at phone): You say the sweetest things to me, Haley James.
HALEY(at phone): I just miss you. I want you to come home. I feel spoiled when you're here.
NATHAN(at phone): Well, prepare to be spoiled because I'm gonna be home tomorrow night... or the next day, depending on these flights.
HALEY(at phone): Really? That just made my heart race.
NATHAN(at phone): Mine too. Now, you take that feeling, and you go back to bed, okay? I'll be home before you know it.
HALEY(at phone): Okay. I can't wait. I love you, Nathan.
NATHAN(at phone): I love you, too. Sweet dreams.
HALEY(at phone): Okay.
(Someone tries to enters in the house)
BROOKE'S CAR
Brooke drives in the town to calm down twins. She narrates.
BROOKE(Voice-over): They like it when I drive. So I drive. It's funny. I grew up in Tree Hill. I've spent most of my life here. But it wasn't until my sons were born and couldn't sleep that I really got to know this place. That used to be my view of Tree Hill at 2:00 a.M. Brooke sees her young few years ago.
BROOKE: Aah!
BROOKE(Voice-over): Well, my partial view. Now this is my view. We drive the same streets I drove in High School and listen to the same music... at least, when we can agree. Sometimes we try the '80s, sometimes classic rock."Explosions in the sky" works for all of us. 2:00 a.M., 3:00 a.M., 4:00. We drive and we think... And we fuss a bit. Brooke eats in a drive fast-food.
BROOKE(Voice-over): Sometimes we eat. Well, I eat. I guess some people might let it wear on them, the lack of sleep. But I don't mind it, really. I like Tree Hill like this. I like my car like this. Warm... Safe... Loved.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke goes to sleep.
BROOKE(Voice-over): It's what I wished for. Mostly.
JULIAN: They're buying boys in China. I got it.
(Julian gets up)
BROOKE(Voice-over): How my life turned out... in a good way. It doesn't mean there haven't been hardships. There have been. But I'm here, and here is good.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Clay wakes up. Quinn drinks tea.
CLAY: Hey.
QUINN: Hi.
CLAY: Did you sleep?
QUINN: Not really, but I'm okay.
CLAY: Quinn... I'm still here. I told you it's gonna be okay, but you can't do this every night.
QUINN: I'm going to, because I'm worried about you.
CLAY: Okay. Did you stay up all night?
QUINN: That's mine.
CLAY: Okay. We'll go see a doctor.
QUINN: Today?
CLAY: Today.
QUINN: Thank God. I spent so much money shopping online last night. I bought you leather pants. You have to wear them for me, shirtless, and let me take photos of you.
CLAY: Mm. Uh, yeah, only if I can grow a mustache, and you have to call me Sergio.
QUINN: No, Clay, you have to!
CLAY: Who's Clay?
QUINN: Sergio.
CLAY: Is better.
DOCTOR'S OFFICE
Clay goes to see doctor.
DOCTOR: And how many times has this happened?
CLAY: Three times that I know of. I mean, where I completely left the house. I don't remember anything. I just go to bed, and I wake up someplace else.
QUINN: He also goes by the name Sergio sometimes.
CLAY: She's joking.
DOCTOR: And what else is going on with you, besides going by a Latin alias?
CLAY: Just working, you know? And that gets me a little bit stressed out, but otherwise, nothing much.
DOCTOR: Other than getting shot, you mean. Well, I'd like to run some neurological tests, and I'm going to write you a prescription for something that might help you sleep.
CLAY: Great. I'll have what she's having.
(Quinn sleeps)
CHURCH
Brooke and Julian wait Brooke's father. Haley and Victoria are here too.
JULIAN: We could always make Nathan their godfather.
BROOKE: He'll be here.
JULIAN: Or maybe Jamie.
BROOKE: He'll be here.
JULIAN: He'll be here.
VICTORIA: Well, I've called the golf courses, the bars, and the strip clubs. I don't think your father's in town.
BROOKE: Nathan would be great.
HALEY: I'm sorry, Brooke. I wish your dad could have been here. I wish Nathan could have been here.
VICTORIA: Well, let's look on the bright side...if Nathan's here one day out of the next 10 years, he'll be doing better than Ted.
BROOKE: And you wonder why Haley's the godmother.
(The pastor makes a sign)
BROOKE: Okay. Come on.
HALEY: Um, Victoria, could you hold her for me?
VICTORIA: Of course.
BROOKE: Hi. This is Haley. She is one of the godparents. And, um, the other one isn't here... Yet. Maybe if we could just wait a few...
(Someone comes in. It's Brooke's father)
TED: Sorry to interrupt. I'm looking for the casino.
BROOKE: Daddy!
HALEY: Wow, it's like seeing a bigfoot.
VICTORIA: Trust me... his feet aren't that big.
BROOKE: Daddy, this is my friend, Haley.
TED: Hi, Haley. It's nice to finally put a face with all the wonderful stories.
HALEY: Oh, you too.
BROOKE: And this is Jude and Davis.
TED: Well, now. Julian, your boys have their mother's good looks.
JULIAN: Yes, they do. Good to see you, Mr. Davis.
TED: Come to your grandpa. You know, Vicky, you should have that cough checked. It could be serious at your age. Shall we begin?
BROOKE: Mm-hmm.
TED: Hello, padre. Ted Davis. Pleasure.
CHASE'S LOFT
Alex teases chase on the bed.
CHASE: You shouldn't tease the tiger!
ALEX: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't eat me up first, tiger. Mmm. Maybe do.
CHASE: I do like waking up to you.
ALEX: Me too. I'm sorry about last night.
CHASE: It's okay. I don't have any plans right now. Do you?
ALEX: Just the devilish ones I have for you. Mmm. He said my song was crappy.
CHASE: Stop it.
ALEX: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Mmm. Yum. It was an acoustic track. People like acoustic tracks.
CHASE: Alex.
ALEX: He was just so mean about it.
CHASE: Which track was it?
ALEX: "What I love about your love."
CHASE: Really? Acoustic, huh?
ALEX: Damn it, he's right.
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Chris sings, Chase stops it.
CHASE: Stop telling my girlfriend her song's crappy! You hear me? I had an amazing s*x life until you showed up, you peacock-looking dork!
CHURCH
Julian goes outside to take a call.
JULIAN(at phone): This is Julian. Okay. What kind of bad news?
(Clay pass in front of the church in car. Quinn sleeps on the car)
JULIAN: Okay. Well, is there anything I can do?
Haley plays with Lydia. Ted joins her.
TED: Oh, she's just beautiful, Haley. Those big eyes. Her daddy's gonna be busy protecting the castle.
HALEY: Yes, he is.
(Victoria comes too)
VICTORIA: Well, well.
TED: The old gray mare. She ain't what she used to be.
VICTORIA: Imagine that... Robert Theodore Davis in a church, and it's still standing.
(Dan enters in the church, Haley sees him)
HALEY: Not for long. Uh, could you hold her for a minute, Victoria?
VICTORIA: Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
TED: How was prison, Vicky?
VICTORIA: A lot like living with you, Ted. Mm. Except the s*x was better.
TED: Oh. I'll bet. You finally got to be the man.
VICTORIA: Someone has to be.
TED: Yeah.
Haley goes to Dan to talks to him.
HALEY: Well, I'm assuming this is not a coincidence.
DAN: Hi, Haley. She's... she's beautiful.
HALEY: What are you doing here, Dan?
DAN: I called the house looking for Nathan.
HALEY: He's out of town.
DAN: Yeah, I talked to Jamie. He said you were here.
HALEY: Okay.
DAN: I had a fire at the diner. I lost everything.
HALEY: I'm sorry to hear that.
DAN: I had a little place in the back, you know, where I lived... it was my home. I'm not proud of this, Haley.
HALEY: How much do you need, Dan?
DAN: I don't want your money. I'll get back on my feet. I was just hoping... I just thought maybe you could put me up for a couple of days, just until I can sort things out.
HALEY: I, uh, can't get a hold of Nathan, and even if I could, I really don't think that...
DAN: I know what I've done, Haley. I know how Nathan feels about me. So you have to know that I wouldn't be here unless I had no other place to go. Do you know what it's like to have a beautiful granddaughter and have no expectations of holding her... Or to accept the fact that you'll never be a part of your son's family? Either son. I know what I've done. I know what I created. I just need a little help. Please.
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Alex comes in and tries to talks to Chris. He listen to music.
CHRIS: Did you just throw your shoe at me?
ALEX: I'm gonna throw more than that at you. You know, there's a way to give constructive criticism, and if you just think that you can just come in here and just, you know, be just some big jerk...
(He cuts the sound)
CHRIS: You finished?
ALEX: No! You have a lot of nerve to just waltz in here and tell me that my song's bad when actually...
(He cuts the sound again)
CHRIS: Now?
ALEX: No, and quit lifting your finger off the "talkback" button, you jerk. I know what you're doing.
(Chris put Alex's song)
ALEX: How'd you do that?
CHRIS: Recorded all the instrumental parts. I just isolated your vocal and then pasted it in.
ALEX: Well, when?
CHRIS: Last night.
ALEX: By yourself?
CHRIS: Chris Keller likes jamming with Chris Keller. That way, he works with the best.
ALEX: Next time, ask me first. It's my song. I could sue you. Other than that... It's good.
CHRIS: It was already good. It was just recorded crap... it just needed to be produced better. Now, you want to go in there and re-record the vocal, or do I need to do that, too?
ALEX: I'll do it.
CHRIS: Good. Hurry it up. Chris Keller's got moves to make. And put your shoe back on. It smells like feet in here now.
ALEX: It does not!
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley give some blanket to Dan for the night.
HALEY: Okay, the guest room is all made up.
DAN: Thank you, Haley.
HALEY: It's just for a night or two. You're gonna have to make other arrangements.
DAN: Of course. Have you spoken to Nathan yet?
HALEY: No, I haven't, but I will. And if he says you have to go, you're gonna have to go.
DAN: I understand.
(Jamie comes in)
JAMIE: Mom?
DAN: Hi, Jamie.
JAMIE: Grandpa Dan!
DAN: Hey, buddy. Oh, I missed you.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Clay is ready to sleep and Quinn finishes her article.
QUINN: What?
CLAY: You were pretty badass last night, keeping me safe.
QUINN: I got to watch out for my man.
CLAY: Yeah, well, your man loves you for it. But you got to get a good night's sleep.
QUINN: Did you take your pills?
CLAY: I took my pills.
QUINN: Do you feel okay?
CLAY: I feel fine. I'm right here. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. So go on and close those pretty eyes. It's my turn to watch you sleep tonight.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke and Julian are in the bed. They talk.
JULIAN: Your mom really hates your dad.
BROOKE: I know. It's been like that as long as I can remember. Ugh. I showed her my ideas for baker man. She wasn't into it.
JULIAN: Oh. Sorry, baby. So, I didn't tell you this because I didn't want to spoil the whole day, but the movie that was going to rent our stage fell through. They called when we were at the church.
BROOKE: Is there any chance that could change?
JULIAN: Usually not. So now I have all this equipment, a huge loan, and an empty sound stage.
BROOKE: What are we gonna do?
JULIAN: Well, first I'm gonna rock your world.
BROOKE: Oh.
JULIAN: And then we're gonna get some sleep. And tomorrow I'm gonna go to work and figure it out.
(Baby crying)
BROOKE: Oh, my God. Right on schedule.
JULIAN: Mm-hmm.
(Brooke gets up)
BROOKE: See you in the morning.
JULIAN: You want me to come?
BROOKE: No. You have a studio to run. Get some sleep. I love you.
JULIAN: Be careful. I love you, too, baby.
RED BEDROOM RECORDS
Haley comes to see Chris.
CHRIS: Well, well, it's the Haley James late-night booty call.
HALEY: "Haley James Scott," and it really isn't. What are you doing here so late?
CHRIS: Just, uh, getting caught up, trying to figure out how best to run this label... if you let me, that is.
HALEY: Mm. Well, Alex did say that you helped her in your own offensive way.
CHRIS: Alex said I helped her, huh? Look... just because I tell the truth and just because I say you smell good when you do... and you do... does not mean I'm here to cause trouble. Okay? I really am here to help.
HALEY: If that's true...then you can stay. But you are on double-secret probation! Don't screw up.
CHRIS: Nice! Haley, let me ask you something... what's the deal with Alex and her boyfriend?
HALEY: I'll see you later.
CHRIS: Haley. Chris Keller missed you.
CHASE'S LOFT
Alex is ready to go sleep, Chase is already in the bed.
CHASE: How was he... any better?
ALEX: Shh! I don't want to talk about him. I'm kissing my boyfriend.
CHASE: That's a great answer.
ALEX: The only thing better than waking up with you is ending the night with you.
CHASE: Hmm.
(They kiss)
STREET
Brooke drives for the twins. Clay walks away in the night.
SOUND STAGE
Julian enters and looks at it.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Dan enters in the Lydia's room to take her in his arms.
DAN: Yeah, there's your little bear. Let's take a look. Oh, you got your bear? Did you get your bear? Yeah?
NATHAN(Voice-over): People say hell is endless.
DAN: Oh, it's so exciting.
(Nathan enters in the room and sees Dan with his daughter in his arms)
NATHAN(Voice-over): They say it's our worst nightmare...the face of our darkness.
DAN: Hello, son. Welcome home.
NATHAN(Voice-over): But whatever it is, however it is, I say hell is empty...and all the devils are here.
End of the episode. | Plan: A: life; Q: What do Brooke and Julian have to adjust to with their new children? A: Nathan; Q: Who finds out that Dan Scott came back into town? A: similar issues; Q: What do Haley and Nathan find themselves dealing with? A: plans; Q: What do faces from the past threaten to interrupt for all their futures? A: a mysterious problem; Q: What is the problem that Clay and Quinn are dealing with? A: Dan Scott; Q: Who did Nathan find out came back into town? A: Chris Keller; Q: Who returns to run Redbedroom Records? A: An Horse; Q: What band did the episode "The Trouble with the Kids" come from? Summary: As Brooke and Julian begin to adjust to life with their new children, Haley and Nathan find themselves dealing with similar issues. Although they don't know it yet, faces from the past threaten to interrupt plans for all their futures. Meanwhile, a mysterious problem arises for Clay and Quinn. Nathan finds out Dan Scott came back into town. Chris Keller returns to run Redbedroom Records. This episode is named after a song by An Horse . |
Sy: Hey, chief. What are you up to?
Chief: Oh, man. I am getting the hell out of here just as fast as these crippled old legs can carry me. This is my day off, bitches! Whoo! Yeah.
Sy: Yeah, I give her about an hour to figure out an excuse to get back in here. She hates leaving here, you know?
Dori: Are you really asking if I know? Or is that just rhetorical? You don't give a rat's ass as to whether or not I know or don't know about how chief hates leaving this place! Damn you!
Frankie: Come on. Take it easy, you mamaluke.
[ Groans ]
I need to check in.
Dori: Ooh. We only treat children here.
Vito: I don't see an issue here. This person's 5 years old.
Sy: Yeah. Dori. Um, let's check in this child... This 5-year-old child who I'm sure has I.D. proving his age.
Frankie: [ Groans ]
Dori: Oh. I always have trouble guessing people's ages -- mostly with hilarious results. You'll see. Now, what seems to be the problem, young man?
Frankie: I fell on a bullet.
Dori: [ Chuckles ] Kids.
Owen: Well, you're making real progress, Douglas. Tell me, does it hurt when I do this? [ Sternly ] You are worthless. Yes. That hurts.
[ Knock on door ]
Briggs: Did someone say they needed a hero or is that just the theme music that's always playing in my head?
Owen: Detective Chance Briggs, you velvet, poker-playing bulldog --
What's my old partner doing here?
Briggs: I got put on desk duty for losing my hearing.
Owen: Since when is hearing important for a cop?
Briggs: Since a juvie perp yelled "don't shoot" and I shot him.
Owen: I can't believe they would strip Lt. Chance Briggs of his badge because he can't hear a little.
Briggs: And can you believe they would strip Lt. Chance Briggs -- you just said that, didn't you?
Owen: I did.
Briggs: I thought you did but my hearing is completely shot, just like that juvie perp.
Owen: So you're taking the next logical step -- coming here to become a doctor so you can cure yourself.
Briggs: If I heard you correctly, yes, I am.
Owen: Well, allow me to show you around. I'm going to teach you everything you need to know about doctoring.
Briggs: It's a date!
Owen: [ Chuckles ] But not a date date.
Briggs: I know.
Frankie: Pssst! Pssst! Sy! Sy! Eh, eh. Eeeeeh! On behalf of the family, here's a little something for the hospitality, eh?
Dookie: It's money!
Frankie: Hey, Dookie! You ruined the surprise!
Sy: Listen. Could we not make food in here?
Vito: Sy, relax. It's nothing! We just got a little Italian sausage, some peppers, some ground beef, some tomatoes, some onions, some gabagool, some basil, some oregano, sautéed chicken livers. I got some beautiful wasabi, olive oil, sliced, thin garlic and a pinch of salt to taste -- it's nothin'!
Frankie: Yeah, Sy. You worry too much. It's bad for your pores. Hey, do me a favor. Take this and go build a new wing.
Vito: Or a leg!
Frankie: Or a thigh!
Dookie: Or an addition! Or an annex!
[ Laughs ]
Vito: Dummy.
We're making a joke here.
Dookie: No, you -- you said...
Frankie: You broke the joke, you stunad!
Dookie: [ Laughs ]
Frankie: My own kid.
Sy: I'm way over my head.
Chief: I hate days off. I'm addicted to doctoring. When I was young, I ran a shoe-shine stand at a local hospital just so I could be around it. Now I spend my days off watching kids, hoping they hurt themselves.
[ Choking ]
Chief: Yes!!
Don't worry, little girl! I'm a doctor! I can save you! You're choking! I will give you the gift of life!
Blake: Dueling days off, I guess, huh, chief? Tough luck. Now, why don't you go get your shine box?
Chief: [ Sighs deeply ]
[ Rock music plays ]
Blake: Huh? Ugh!
Chief: [ Screams ]
Blake: Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
[ Music continues ]
Chief: Aah!
Oh! Aah!
[ Music ends ]
Owen: We got a 10-year-old girl with abdominal pains.
What's the call?
Briggs: Well, I guess I would...
Owen: No, Briggs. Come on. What's the call? Think!
Briggs: Okay...I do something like... I'd put her on a monoclonal antibody full-service platform and an h7n7-ha Elisa kit.
Owen: Not bad at all. You were hesitant at first, but once you got going, you showed a surprising knowledge of medicine. Now you're giving a look like, "hey, I think I know that guy." Man, I am really nailing what's happening from moment to moment.
Sal: Attention, staff. I'm going to go get the papers. That is all. That is all.
Beth: You guys are all so big for five. What are your mommies feeding you? Gabagool.
Beth: You guys are like Popeye and these gabagools are spinach. What is gabagool? I don't know. It could be spinach.
Sy: Cat, I am in way over my head. Every time I go into that room, they pull me in deeper. It's like I want to get out of that room, but they keep pulling me back in...to the room.
Cat: Now, Sy, you just need to know how to speak to them. Let me show you. Watch.
Cat: Hi. I'm Dr. Cat Black and --
Dookie: Shhh! My dad's napping. He naps for five minutes every hour. He says it's good for the skin.
Cat: Really? Does he have any advice for split ends? Ooh.
Dookie: Yeah, actually, he says you should only brush your hair once a day, and only in the middle of the night when your hair is asleep so you could sneak up on it.
Cat: Yeah, but, see, that wouldn't work for me because my hair has insomnia and always has.
Dookie: You're really fun to talk to.
Cat: Yeah. It's funny -- I came in here to broker peace for Sy, but... God, you're not like these other guys. You've got kind eyes and no sense of humor. What's your name?
Dookie: Dookie.
Cat: Okay. Dookie.
Dookie: Dookie.
Cat: Wow.
Dookie: What's your name?
Cat: Cat.
Dookie: Cat -- like the animal, the cat?
Cat: Yeah. God, you're cute. The only thing I don't like about you is that wife-beater.
Dookie: You mean my dad? No, I know.
Frankie: Okay! I'm up! Let's go! Back to business!
Cat: I'll see you around, Dookie.
Dookie: Hey, not -- not if I see you around first, before you see me around.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sy: Hi. Some of the parents are getting a little suspicious.
Frankie: You need more money, Sy? Give him some money.
Sy: No. No. No. Don't -- don't do that. No. I-I feel like I've made a mistake, and I mean this is the nicest way -- I need you to leave.
Frankie: Sylvester Hiram Mittleman. That's Italian, ain't it?
Sy: It's Sicilian.
Frankie: Well, okay. I am now officially gonna open up the books. You -- you are now... a made man.
Sy: No.
Frankie: Look. What's yours...is mine.
Sy: Never go against the family, Sy. Capiche?
Dookie: Oh. Papa Senori.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
Briggs: This guy looks just like crime boss Frankie Ciavaterri, but this guy is 5 and Frankie has got to be at least 65.
It doesn't add up. I'm gonna question him.
Owen: Ah, Briggs, it's not your job anymore. Briggs, did you hear me?
Briggs: Yeah, I did. I was just pretending not to.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
[ Gunshot ]
[ Indistinct screaming ]
Owen: Holster that weapon, doctor.
In this hospital, we don't fight with bullets. We fight with these. Whoops. Wrong hand. We fight with these.
Briggs: Ah, pills. That hits home.
Owen: Now, let's go save some ass.
[ Rock music plays ]
Chief: I had to get the kid to the hospital, punch in, treat her, locate her family, get back to the park, get Blake's body, and dissolve it in a drum of acid.
Owen: Bullet's lodged in his shoulder.
He lost a lot of blood. I'm gonna need more gauze. Briggs -- more gauze!
Briggs: Get your own gauze! I'm a cop, Owen -- not a doctor. And if that means I have to lie to my bosses that I have the ability to perceive sound, so be it!
[ Inhales deeply ]
Briggs: Officer Chance Briggs requesting backup.
We got a 10-87 over at Childrens!
Dookie: Hey!
Cat: Oh.
Dookie: Human cat.
Cat: Hey, dookie.
Dookie: My dad says that I should ask you out.
Cat: Really? Are you sure your family won't care if we dated? Because, keep in my mind, I'm Jewish and I'm terrible at keeping secrets.
Dookie: Why would they care about that?
Cat: Oh, dookie.
Dookie: Eeeh-o. Oh. Mmm. W-wow! [ Chuckles ] I can't wait to tell my dad I'm in love with some blabbermouth Jew broad who kisses like a black chick!
Cat: [ Giggles ] I know she's in there! Everyone, there is a whore in recovery room 2!
Frankie: How you doin'?
Briggs: You're under arrest.
Cat: No. No. He's not like them. He's different.
Dookie: No. I'm not, Cat.
Cat: But you have such a kind heart.
Dookie: I have a learning disability.
Cat: Tomato, tomahto.
Dookie: Who says "tomahto"?
Cat: Wealthy people, British waiters, Frasier's brother --
Dookie: I have been making my gravy since I'm little -- I never heard no one say "tomahto." Goodbye, human cat -- or in your people's language, "meow."
Cat: Meow.
[ Sobs ]
Chief: Ah-ha. Finally.
[ Laughs ]
[ Gasps ] Uh-oh -- the pigs.
[ Laughs ]
Owen: Briggs, I took you under my wing...
Briggs: Owen, I'm a partially deaf cop.
Cut me open with a scalpel or shoot me with a .38, but root around inside that bloody hole that you just made and you'll find that I'm police officer through and through.
Blake: Officer! [ Gasps ] Oh, thank God! Chief tried to kill me! Luckily, she missed every major organ by millimeters! But I could easily have been thought of by most as dead!
Briggs: What did you say? You're dead?!
Blake: No.
Briggs: Officers, he's dead, and he's still walking! He must be a zombie! Shoot to kill!
Blake: No!
Owen: Briggs! Briggs! Briggs! Briggs, you got it all wrong!
Briggs: You're right. We have to destroy the zombie's brain! Go for the head!
Owen: [ Sighs ]
Briggs: You are under arrest for turning Dr. Blake Downs into a zombie.
Chief: What?! What are you talking about? He's not a zombie!
Briggs: Not anymore, he's not.
Chief: What are you, deaf?
Briggs: No. No, I'm not.
[ Gavel pounding ]
This meeting has come to order. We have come to a decision. Chief, the board finds you innocent of turning Dr. Blake Downs into a zombie. But we find you guilty of attempting to practice medicine on your day off. Your medical license is hereby revoked for the period of one month.
[ Gavel bangs ]
Chief: The hardest thing for me was to leave the life.
I loved being a doctor. We did what we wanted. When I was out of patients to treat, I'd just go out and hurt some kids and treat them. It was all ours for the taking. Now it's all over. And I have to live the rest of this month like a shnook.
[ "I want it all" plays ]
♪ I want it all ♪ ♪ from the bright lights of Vegas ♪ ♪ to the steps of the great China wall ♪ ♪ I want it all ♪ ♪ from champagne in Paris ♪ ♪ to the best show that you ever saw at Carnegie Hall ♪ ♪ yeah, you know me ♪ ♪ and I want it all ♪
Sal: Attention, staff. The members of the board may unfreeze now. That is all. | Plan: A: pressure; Q: What causes Sy to admit a wounded Mafia kingpin? A: a wounded Mafia kingpin; Q: Who is admitted to the hospital? A: Detective Briggs; Q: Who changes vocations? A: Chief; Q: Who has a day off? Summary: Sy succumbs to pressure and allows a wounded Mafia kingpin to be admitted. Detective Briggs changes vocations. Chief has a day off. |
THE CURSE OF PELADON
BY: BRIAN HAYLES
5:50pm - 6:15pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM
(The DOCTOR follows IZLYR and the other delegates as they step into the passageway. Something catches his eye and he looks up. The statue is falling towards them.)
DOCTOR: Look out!
(JO jumps back into the protection of the doorway as the DOCTOR roughly pushes IZLYR, SSORG and ALPHA CENTAURI further along the passageway...)
DOCTOR: Look out!
(...and out of danger as the statue crashes to the floor and into pieces.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. THRONE ROOM
(Hearing the commotion outside, PELADON jumps off the throne and makes to rush for the door but HEPESH holds him back.)
PELADON: (Shouts.) What has happened!
HEPESH: (Shouts.) Quick, there may be danger!
PELADON: (Shouts.) But the delegates may be harmed!
HEPESH: Your Majesty's safety is all that matters.
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM
(Up on the balcony, GRUN retreats back behind the curtain and back into the secret passage. Down below, JO comes out of cover and rejoins the DOCTOR who makes his way back to the throne room entrance. ARCTURUS is the last of the delegates out of the throne room. IZLYR and SSORG join them with ALPHA CENTAURI who makes high-pitched twittering, sobbing noises of panic. Jo momentarily forgets her assumed role...)
JO: Phew! That was a bit close, wasn't it?
DOCTOR: (Meaningfully.) All you all right, Princess?
(JO takes the hint and recovers her regal composure.)
JO: Yes, thank you. I think so.
IZLYR: (To the DOCTOR.) You have saved our lives, thank you.
DOCTOR: I'm sorry to have been so abrupt about it, gentlemen.
ALPHA CENTAURI: (Hysterical.) This is terrible! We could all have been killed!
JO: Well I feel definitely wobbly at the knees.
(HEPESH pushes past ARCTURUS and looks at the wreckage.)
HEPESH: Aggedor has been merciful. We must give thanks that you have all been spared.
DOCTOR: I think we should investigate what caused this, Hepesh.
ALPHA CENTAURI: I agree.
IZLYR: Yes, indeed.
DOCTOR: If only as a matter of protocol.
(Through the open doors of the throne room, GRUN is seen to come out from behind the curtain.)
HEPESH: It was a sign of Aggedor's anger. His ghost walks amongst us.
DOCTOR: It must have been a pretty substantial type of ghost to have shifted a solid granite statue.
ALPHA CENTAURI: Yes - very!
HEPESH: The spirit of Aggedor can move mountains!
JO: Seemed more like he was trying to remove us!
(CENTAURI is still highly emotional...)
ALPHA CENTAURI: Our mission is peaceful! We come to help your people - to raise them from barbarism.
JO: Maybe they don't want to be raised.
IZLYR: Hepesh, you say this is foretold in your ancient writings? What sort of manifestation is there supposed to be?
HEPESH: It is written: "His coming shall be full or terror and darkness. His cry shall be heard in the night, and death shall walk in the land of Peladon!"
JO: Well, there was no cry of warning - and nobody actually saw him, did they?
HEPESH: To the unbeliever, all signs are as dust in the wind.
DOCTOR: Well, the point is - what does King Peladon believe?
IZLYR: If this man speaks for King Peladon, our purpose here is wasted.
ARCTURUS: The conference must be cancelled.
(PELADON steps into view within the throne room.)
HEPESH: I agree.
PELADON: (Shouts.) No! I am King - not Hepesh!
(ARCTURUS swings round and looks at the King.)
PELADON: And not Aggedor! Would you rejoin us? Hepesh!
(The delegates and HEPESH make their way back into the throne room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. THRONE ROOM
(HEPESH stands next to the King on the steps of the throne. The delegates assemble before them.)
PELADON: (Fiercely.) Negotiations must continue!
IZLYR: Negotiations are only possible in a peaceful atmosphere.
ARCTURUS: Political conflict violates federation law.
(JO looks round and spots the tapestry curtain behind the throne. She looks at the DOCTOR who gives an imperceptible nod.)
PELADON: Centuries ago, on your own planets, war and violence flourished!
(Unseen, JO steps away from the crowd and slips behind the curtain.)
ALPHA CENTAURI: We have learned to control our past.
PELADON: (Passionately.) Then you must teach Peladon. Without help we will never raise ourselves from the dark ages. Do not desert us now!
DOCTOR: Your Majesty is an enlightened ruler...but who will your people believe? King Peladon...or Aggedor?
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE THRONE ROOM
(In the passageway, two guards start to remove the debris of the statue. Above them, on the balcony, JO steps out from the behind the curtain. She almost immediately spots a small electronic device on the floor and picks it up and retreats back behind the curtain.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. THRONE ROOM
ARCTURUS: Doctor, you are our chairman - do we go or stay?
DOCTOR: I think it would be a tragedy if the conference were to break up now.
IZLYR: If we remain we put ourselves at risk.
DOCTOR: His Majesty deserves the opportunity to convince us, surely?
(JO quietly steps back from behind the curtain and silently slips back into the row of delegates.)
ALPHA CENTAURI: But if we do decide to leave, are we free to go?
PELADON: Of course!
DOCTOR: You don't think that King Peladon would keep you here by force, do you?
ALPHA CENTAURI: Such things have been known on primitive planets.
PELADON: Why should I detain you?
ARCTURUS: As pawns in some political game, perhaps?
ALPHA CENTAURI: That has happened before.
(IZLYR walks threateningly towards the throne.)
IZLYR: It would be most unwise.
PELADON: There is no plot! I am being completely honest with you. (Quietly.) Please, stay and help me to help my people.
(IZLYR looks to the DOCTOR for a conclusion.)
DOCTOR: Your Majesty, we will adjourn now and consider our position. We will let you know our decision as soon as possible.
(The DOCTOR and IZLYR bow and leave the throne room. The other delegates follow with JO holding back to allow the bulk of ARCTURUS' casing to swing round and leave.)
PELADON: Your Highness, would you remain? Hepesh, you may leave us.
(HEPESH bows.)
HEPESH: Your Majesty.
(He walks out followed by the guards. JO stands silently.)
PELADON: Do you believe me?
(JO is slightly flustered but gathers her nerve.)
JO: I'm only an observer. It's up to the committee to decide whether or not to help you.
PELADON: I'm talking from a personal point of view.
(PELADON looks round to make sure they are alone and smiles, relaxing his demeanour.)
PELADON: I don't often get the chance.
JO: Being a king is no fun?
PELADON: It's very lonely. But you must know that? It's so hard to find someone to talk to as a person.
JO: But you have Hepesh? He seems very fond of you - just like a father.
PELADON: Hepesh is an old man - like your friend, the Doctor.
JO: (Smiles.) I somehow don't think he'd care for that!
(PELADON gives a slight laugh.)
PELADON: I was brought up by wise old men. I hardly ever see anyone young or...beautiful.
(JO lowers her eyes.)
PELADON: My mother was an Earth woman. So you see, there is a bond between us.
(He takes JO'S hands.)
PELADON: Do you believe me?
(JO smiles.)
JO: Yes. Yes, I believe you.
PELADON: Then speak for me to the commission. Make them see my case.
(JO'S smile disappears and a look of betrayal appears on her face.)
JO: I see. All you want is a...political ally!
PELADON: No! I want you as a friend!
JO: Oh no. No. I'm strictly neutral. Count me out!
(She storms out of the throne room. PELADON gives a sigh.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR
(HEPESH stands with his arms raised before the huge state of AGGEDOR that the DOCTOR and JO glimpsed in their journey through the tunnels. This is the temple of the royal beast. Incense and smoke fill the air. HEPESH bows to the statue and turns back to an altar next to which GRUN kneels in supplication.)
HEPESH: The failure was not yours, Grun. You acted well. Aggedor has been merciful to his enemies. But now the hour for mercy has passed. Now an evil influence comes between King Peladon and his true destiny! It must be destroyed! Aggedor will give his blessing.
(GRUN bows forward on his knees as HEPESH throws three pieces of a magnesium-type material into a bowl. It flares each time as the High Priest's voice rises.)
HEPESH: (Shouts.) I dedicate you to the destruction of the King's enemy, to purge the soul of Peladon by this act and to give the ghost of Aggedor release!
(He turns and holds his arms aloft again at the statue.)
HEPESH: The foremost of the King's enemies is the chairman delegate from Earth! The one they call the Doctor.
(He turns back and stares wildly at GRUN.)
HEPESH: (Fiercely.) Destroy him, Grun!
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. EARTH DELEGATE'S REST ROOM
(JO has caught up with the DOCTOR and given him the electronic device that she found on the balcony. He inserts a jewellers eyeglass into his eye and looks over it.)
JO: Well? What is it?
DOCTOR: It's an electronic key. Used for opening doors by identifying the bearer electronically. Probably used for their spaceship.
JO: Whose spaceship?
DOCTOR: Well, the Ice Warriors of course. It's made from trisilicate...
(He takes the eyeglass out.)
DOCTOR: ...which can only be found on the planet Mars.
(He hands the device to JO and goes over to a sideboard and pours himself a drink.)
JO: So you think that it was Ssorg who made those footprints on the balcony?
DOCTOR: Yes, I think it's highly likely.
JO: Wasn't he in the throne room with us?
DOCTOR: I'm not sure. Well you managed to slip away without anybody noticing, remember?
JO: Yes. (Puzzled.) But what would they be after?
DOCTOR: Well, the last time that I encountered them, Jo, they were trying to colonise the planet Earth. And Peladon is very like Earth.
JO: Hmm. But they say they're here for the same reason as the other delegates - peace.
(The DOCTOR takes a seat.)
DOCTOR: Do they? Well, believe me, I know the Ice Warriors, Jo. They're a savage and a warlike race. No, among the delegates, only Ssorg's strength could have shifted that statue.
(JO sits next to him.)
JO: I still think you're jumping to conclusions.
DOCTOR: Well who else could be responsible? Arcturus is only a box of tricks. I hardly think Centauri would hurt a fly, would you?
JO: No, I think he's rather sweet. (Smiles.) Or is he a she?
DOCTOR: Neither - she is an it. It's a hermaphrodite hexapod.
JO: Oh.
DOCTOR: The point is - what possible motive could they have?
JO: Look, why don't we just organise someone to dig out the TARDIS and get out here? (Plaintively.) Did you have to get us involved in all this?
DOCTOR: I didn't really have any choice, did I?
JO: (Smiles.) Oh, come on! You love all that chairman delegate stuff!
(The DOCTOR looks sheepish. JO looks him closely in the eye and grins.)
JO: Admit it.
DOCTOR: Well, how do you like being a princess, Princess?
JO: (Laughs.) Like you said, I didn't really have much choice.
(She laughs again and falls quiet, but the peace of the room is disturbed by a sudden wailing electronic noise coming from another room.)
JO: What's that?
DOCTOR: It sounds like an alarm. Come on.
(They run out of the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM
(The alarm is coming from ARCTURUS. The inspection hatch on the front of his casing is missing and a series of bare wires are exposed inside. The casing shudders from side to side and the little skull-like head within the transparent globe shakes as if undergoing a fit.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM
(The DOCTOR and JO run at full pace down the passage...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM
(...and stop when they see ARCTURUS within. The DOCTOR rushes over to the delegate. They have to speak up over the wail of the alarm.)
JO: What are you going to do?
(The DOCTOR bends down and sees the open inspection hatch.)
DOCTOR: Well, someone's taken the servo-junction unit of his life support system! I'll have to re-wire the circuits!
(He plunges a hand into the wiring and starts his task.)
JO: Well, what does this servo thing look like?
DOCTOR: It's a small plastic cube full of very fine circuitry - why?
(JO starts to look over the room as the DOCTOR frantically continues to repair the damage.)
JO: Well, whoever took it must have been the one who tried to kill Arcturus.
DOCTOR: Obviously, so?
(She comes back to him as his hands move with lightning speed over the innards of ARCTURUS' casing.)
JO: So if we could find it... Look, I can search all the delegates rooms.
DOCTOR: You'll do no such thing, Jo. It's far too dangerous. I'm going to try a little direct confrontation here.
JO: But if we had some real evidence...
DOCTOR: (Interrupting.) Jo, please do as I say. There's a good girl.
(IZLYR and HEPESH enter the room, having been alerted by the continuing alarm.)
IZLYR: (Suspiciously.) What are you doing to Arcturus?
DOCTOR: Someone has disconnected a vital part of his life support system. I'm trying to save him. Now please, leave me alone!
(ALPHA CENTAURI also enters the room as JO sneaks out unobserved. The DOCTOR works for a moment longer and then stands up as the alarm starts to die down and ARCTURUS returns to a stable state.)
DOCTOR: I think that should do it.
IZLYR: Have you succeeded?
DOCTOR: Yes, he'll be all right in a moment.
HEPESH: This is the work of Aggedor!
(The DOCTOR looks meaningfully at IZLYR.)
DOCTOR: This is the work of a skilled technical knowledge. Your medieval monster, Hepesh, would simply have tried to smash Arcturus' protective globe.
IZLYR: (Angrily.) What are you suggesting?
(The DOCTOR stares calmly at IZLYR.)
IZLYR: (Angrily.) I reject the accusation.
DOCTOR: Yes, of course, you would. But nevertheless, you can't deny that you do have the necessary technical knowledge.
IZLYR: The technology of...Centauri is competent enough - and so is that of Earth. And it was you, Doctor, that we discovered.
(The DOCTOR frowns.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. MARTIAN DELEGATE'S REST ROOM
(JO pushes open the heavy wooden door to the Ice Warrior's room. She checks that no one is there and enters. She sees a large metallic chest and goes and opens it. Seeing nothing inside answering to the description of the missing servo-unit she goes over to a small table on which there are various small pieces of machinery but nothing like the one that she is looking for. She then spots a wooden chest on the floor and open it. There, on top of several other items, is the missing unit. She makes for the door but as she reaches it, she hears the tell-tale rasping of a Martian's breath outside. She quickly looks round, spots a tapestry curtain and dives behind it. The door to the room opens SSORG enters. Almost immediately he sees the open metallic chest and looks round the room. JO'S shoes can be seen peeking out from the bottom of the curtain. SSORG lumbers over and yanks it aside. JO gasps.)
SSORG: Why are you here?
(JO summons up her courage.)
JO: I was looking for something - and I've found it!
(She holds up the unit. SSORG roughly pulls it from her grasp.)
SSORG: This is not ours.
(He throws her onto a bench.)
JO: No, you took it from poor Arcturus when you tried to kill him!
SSORG: You will stay. I must inform Izlyr.
(Pulling a large sonic gun from the metallic chest, he starts to leave the room, leaving a defiant JO behind.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM
(ARCTURUS is much recovered but his voice is somewhat unsteady.)
ARCTURUS: I...have been...attacked.
ALPHA CENTAURI: (Frantically.) By whom, Arcturus, by whom?!
HEPESH: Was the face of Aggedor revealed to you?
ARCTURUS: Memory...circuits...out...of phase.
ALPHA CENTAURI: It must have been a dreadful experience! We'll have to ask him later.
IZLYR: We cannot wait. It is too important. We must know now.
ARCTURUS: I...cannot...remember.
(IZLYR gestures with impatience.)
DOCTOR: How very fortunate, Izlyr.
(IZLYR draws his breath in with anger.)
DOCTOR: Excuse me, Gentlemen.
(The DOCTOR leaves the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. PASSAGE OUTSIDE DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM
(He walks quickly down the passage but quickly bumps into the massive form of GRUN. The bodyguard puts out an arm to stop him and the DOCTOR tries to get either side of the huge man but to no avail.)
DOCTOR: Let me past, Grun.
(GRUN holds him by the arm and makes strangulated noises.)
DOCTOR: What do you want?
(GRUN gestures and makes more noises.)
DOCTOR: You want me to come with you?
(GRUN nods and starts to pull the DOCTOR at speed back down the passage.)
DOCTOR: All right, all right, I'm coming.
(They go past the open door to the conference room.)
DOCTOR: Where are you taking me?
(They move off down the passage and HEPESH steps out of the conference room and quietly watches them go.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. DELEGATE'S CONFERENCE ROOM
(ARCTURUS now seems fully recovered.)
ARCTURUS: I saw no-one, delegate Izlyr. The attack was too quick.
IZLYR: We discovered the Doctor. He seemed to be attacking your life support mechanism.
ALPHA CENTAURI: But what motive could the Doctor have?
IZLYR: Ask his masters...on Earth.
ARCTURUS: The Princess - why is she here?
ALPHA CENTAURI: A diplomatic courtesy, surely? Peladon's mother was an Earth woman.
IZLYR: Exactly! (Thinks.) And if Peladon marries this Earth princess...the blood relationship would be strengthened - and could be used to foster Earth's interests, inside the federation.
ARCTURUS: That must not be allowed to happen.
(SSORG enters the room, carrying the servo-unit.)
SSORG: Lord Izlyr?
IZLYR: Yes, what is it?
SSORG: I must speak with you.
IZLYR: Of course. If you will excuse us, Arcturus?
(They stand to one side of the room and talk quietly.)
ARCTURUS: (To CENTAURI.) There has been some new development?
ALPHA CENTAURI: Something dreadful, no doubt! Really, this barbarous planet!
(IZLYR holds up the servo-unit to the other two delegates.)
IZLYR: Sub-delegate Ssorg has discovered the missing servo-junction unit.
ARCTURUS: Where?
IZLYR: In the hands of the Earth Princess!
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. MARTIAN DELEGATE'S REST ROOM
(JO paces within the locked Martian's room. She sits back on the bench and looks upwards...and immediately sees an opening high up in the wall. She gets up and looks at it with delight and then runs over to the table with the various electronic instruments. These she throws to the floor and pulls the table to the wall beneath the opening. It not being quite high enough, she looks round and spots a metallic box which she takes and puts on the table. She then climbs onto the table, onto the box and, hitching up her evening dress slightly, up onto the open ledge.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: EXT. CITADEL
(JO edges out of the long opening and into the night air. The citadel is still being relentlessly battered by the storm outside and the ledge outside is very narrow. Pressing herself against the wall, she momentarily looks down into the abyss below and then, illuminated by flashes of lightning and deafened by the thunder, she starts to traverse the ledge. At one point, the masonry beneath her feet crumbles sending pieces of stone falling thousands of feet but she recovers her balance and continues her perilous escape. After a moment, with a sigh of relief, she reaches another opening and re-enters the citadel.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. PASSAGE
(The opening is equally as high as the one in the Martian's room but looking there is a table below it. JO jumps down onto the table and then onto the floor. Not pausing, she runs down the passage.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. ANOTHER PASSAGE
(Elsewhere in the citadel, GRUN and the DOCTOR reach a tapestry with a flaming torch bracket next to it. GRUN gestures to the DOCTOR to stop and then pulls down the bracket. He pulls back the curtain revealing an opening behind to which he gestures to the DOCTOR to enter.)
DOCTOR: In here?
(GRUN makes more noises.)
DOCTOR: Why? Is someone in trouble?
(GRUN nods frantically.)
DOCTOR: Well who, Grun?
(GRUN holds a hand down at a low level to indicate a small person.)
DOCTOR: Not the Princess?!
(GRUN nods and pulls the DOCTOR through the opening.)
DOCTOR: All right, all right!
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. ANOTHER PASSAGE
(JO speeds down a passage and stops at an intersection. She looks round as if she is lost. Suddenly there is a roar behind her and she spins round and gasps. AGGEDOR rears above her, huge tusks coming out of its boar-like head and mouth. JO runs as fast as she can in the opposite direction.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. TUNNEL
(GRUN and the DOCTOR make their way down dark carved tunnels and climb through openings. Suddenly, they too hear the roar of AGGEDOR. GRUN stops, terrified.)
DOCTOR: What is that noise, Grun?
(GRUN panics and runs off.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Grun! Grun, come back here! Grun!
(The DOCTOR gives chase a short way, calling after him.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Grun! Grun!
(He gives up. He hears another roar and cautiously makes his way onward.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. PASSAGE
(JO runs down the torch-filled passage and straight into SSORG and IZLYR. They hold her between them. JO is almost breathless with terror.)
JO: ... !
IZLYR: How did you escape from my room?
JO: The monster, Aggedor - he's down there!
IZLYR: Ssorg.
(IZLYR gestures to his subordinate who, sonic rifle in hand, moves back down the corridor to investigate.)
JO: No, you can't! Look, it'll kill Ssorg!
IZLYR: Ssorg's sonic gun can destroy any living creature.
(Further down the passage, GRUN slips out from behind the curtain and moves off, just before SSORG reaches the spot. He pauses and looks round. Back down the passage, IZLYR still holds JO in his clamp-like hand and questions her.)
IZLYR: Where were you going?
JO: I was going to find the Doctor and King Peladon, when this...
(SSORG returns.)
SSORG: There...is...nothing.
JO: But it was there! I saw him!
IZLYR: You say you see this monster, when there is no monster. You are trying to trick us!
JO: No! Oh, look, please - I've got to find the Doctor.
IZLYR: Then we will help you. It is time that you and the Doctor answered my questions.
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. TUNNEL
(The DOCTOR frantically runs through the various tunnels. Not far behind him, the huge fur covered figure of AGGEDOR roars in pursuit. As well as the tusks in its mouth, its forehead is surmounted by a massive horn and sharp claws end the large paws.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. MARTIAN DELEGATE'S REST ROOM
(IZLYR and SSORG lead JO into their room. IZLYR gestures to a bench.)
IZLYR: Sit down, Princess.
(JO reluctantly does so.)
IZLYR: Why did you try to escape?
(SSORG holds the sonic rifle up to her.)
JO: I was frightened. Can you blame me?
IZLYR: So, Princess, you believe that we tried to kill Arcturus?
(JO gathers her courage and snaps back...)
JO: Well if you didn't, why was the missing servo unit in your room?
IZLYR: Perhaps you brought it here as part of your scheme to trap us?
(JO jumps up.)
JO: But that's just not true! I...
(SSORG pushes her back down gently but firmly with the rifle.)
JO: But you must have tried to kill Arcturus.
IZLYR: Nobody tried to kill him.
JO: What?
IZLYR: To destroy Arcturus, the helium regenerator must be deactivated.
JO: What about the unit?
IZLYR: Merely sensor equipment. Disconnecting that only produces metabolic coma.
JO: So it...couldn't be fatal?
IZLYR: Only...uncomfortable.
(JO'S voice is calm and she stands.)
JO: I'm sorry if I might have misjudged you. But the Doctor did say you were a race of warriors.
IZLYR: We were once, but now we reject violence - except in self-defence.
JO: What about Ssorg's gun? This is supposed to be a peaceful mission.
(IZLYR gestures to SSORG to stand down and his voice softens in tone.)
IZLYR: Unfortunately, in order to preserve peace, it is necessary to survive.
JO: Well...if you didn't do it, who did? Who could benefit by it?
IZLYR: Perhaps the Doctor will be able to explain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: INT. TUNNEL
(The roars of AGGEDOR close behind him, the DOCTOR runs down a tunnel. He reaches a dead-end and looks round to see the creature fast approaching, angrier than ever. The DOCTOR sees another sole flaming torch and manipulates it in its bracket. As expected, a secret door opens revealing the temple beyond. Faced with no choice, he cautiously enters.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. TEMPLE OF AGGEDOR
(He looks at the huge statue of AGGEDOR as the door closes behind him. He walks over to the statue and reaches out and touches it. As he does so, a cry rings out.)
HEPESH: Sacrilege! Seize him, Grun!
(GRUN jumps forward and grabs the DOCTOR by the neck as HEPESH shouts into his face...)
HEPESH: You have defiled the inner sanctum of the holy temple of Aggedor! Your mind, your word, your being - all are evil!
DOCTOR: Give me a chance to explain, Hepesh!
HEPESH: Take him before the King!
(GRUN starts to pull him away.)
DOCTOR: No Hepesh, give me a chance!
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: INT. THRONE ROOM
(PELADON sits on the throne. All the delegates, including JO, are assembled and GRUN firmly stands next to his prisoner. HEPESH stands on the steps of the throne.)
HEPESH: Your Majesty, the charge against the chairman delegate from Earth is one of extreme sacrilege. (To the DOCTOR.) I, Hepesh, High Priest of Peladon, and Grun, the King's champion, accuse you - an alien intruder - of desecrating the holy of holies - the inner sanctum of the temple of Aggedor. (To PELADON.) Your Majesty.
(PELADON looks torn and nervous.)
PELADON: I have no alternative, Doctor. To this charge, the laws of Peladon allow of no defence...and only one punishment - death. | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who is convinced the Ice Warriors are trying to sabotage the conference? A: sacrilege; Q: What is the Doctor accused of for trying to prove the Ice Warriors are trying to sabotage the conference? Summary: The Doctor is convinced the Ice Warriors are trying to sabotage the conference but his attempts to prove it see him accused of sacrilege. |
THE INVASION OF TIME
BY "DAVID AGNEW" GRAHAM WILLIAMS AND ANTHONY READ
Part Five
Running time: 25:00
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Please don't fire that thing.
STOR: There is no advantage in killing, yet. Slavery is more efficient.
LEELA: Do you know these things?
DOCTOR: Sontaran troopers.
STOR: I am Commander Stor, of the Sontaran Special Space Service.
DOCTOR: The SSSS. Isn't that carrying alliteration a little far?
LEELA: You're not like the Vardans.
STOR: Vardans? They were expendable. They had served their purpose to open up the forcefield and let us in. Who is Doctor?
STOR: (to Kelner) Are you Doctor?
KELNER: No.
DOCTOR: No, I'm just Lord President of the Supreme Council of Time Lords on Gallifrey.
STOR: Your description fits that of one called Doctor.
DOCTOR: Well, that's no my fault. I'm Lord President, and I'm called sir.
STOR: Sir?
DOCTOR: Yes, sir.
STOR: I call no one sir except my battalion leader.
DOCTOR: That must mean many thousand sirs.
STOR: Thousands. The glorious Sontaran army reckons its numbers in hundreds of millions. Find Doctor.
DOCTOR: I was only trying to help.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR (OOV.): I was only trying to help.
BORUSA: There's nothing more useless than a lock with a voice imprint.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
BORUSA: I think I believe you, Doctor. In fact, excellent, Excellency.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR (OOV.): Knowledge is the ultimate goal, is it not, Commander Stor?
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: A means to an end only. The ultimate goal is victory.
DOCTOR: Victory over whom?
STOR: Victory over all.
DOCTOR: Victory over time?
STOR: What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR (OOV.): I said, victory over time?
STOR (OOV.): Enough of this idle talk.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Stop!
LEELA: What was that?
DOCTOR: Celebration chimes.
LEELA: What?
DOCTOR: Yes, it should have been played at my induction, only fifty times lower. Someone's trying to help us.
LEELA: I am.
DOCTOR: We'd better split up. Leela and Andred come with me. The rest of you scatter. Come on.
LEELA: Oh, and Jasko, Rodan, Ablif.
NESBIN: We'll go this way.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KELNER: I'm sorry, my lord. It was none of my doing.
STOR: To all units. I repeat, to all units. The President is to be apprehended. Kill those with him, but take the President alive.
KELNER: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: A Sontaran.
LEELA: What are these Sontarans?
DOCTOR: A race devoted to perpetual war.
LEELA: Then I shall kill him.
DOCTOR: You don't know how.
LEELA: Do you know?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes.
LEELA: Well, tell me.
DOCTOR: Small vent at the back of the neck.
LEELA: Is that all?
LEELA: Over here!
DOCTOR: Oh, that was a prodigious throw!
LEELA: Prodigious?
DOCTOR: Well, it was an amazing throw.
LEELA: Oh, it was nothing.
DOCTOR: Well, yes, I know it's just an old hunting trick.
LEELA: That's right.
DOCTOR: Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: Unit group three seven, report. Report!
KELNER: They must be on
STOR: Where is level three?
KELNER: On the
STOR: Where is level three?
KELNER: On the way to level five. The President's office. That's where they're heading.
STOR: Unit groups three, five and seven, proceed immediately to level five. Expect the President and his bodyguard. Take him alive.
KELNER: My lord
STOR: Do not
KELNER: The President is
STOR: Silence!
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Why the office?
DOCTOR: I've got an urgent appointment.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: Time Lord, come with me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Ah. This is a dangerous bit. Five, four, three, two, one, go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Two, three, four, five, six?
BORUSA: I thought you'd never get here.
DOCTOR: We were delayed.
BORUSA: Not too long, I hope.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: This one, Time Lord?
KELNER: Yes, Excellency.
STOR: Break it down.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: That's not going to hold forever, Chancellor.
BORUSA: A heavy, easily fusible, soft malleable base metal such as lead is not the best defence against heat-intensive weaponry.
DOCTOR: I agree.
BORUSA: Fortunately, someone had the good sense to reinforce the structure with a titanium based alloy.
DOCTOR: Your recipe?
BORUSA: A suggestion of mine, yes. A holding device only, I fear.
DOCTOR: Thanks for the thought. Thanks for the thought, Chancellor.
BORUSA: Is not one of my duties to protect the President?
DOCTOR: Well, dereliction of duty's pretty rife around here, Chancellor. Hadn't you noticed?
BORUSA: Oh, this is not for you. Your companions, however.
DOCTOR: I'll vouch for them.
BORUSA: Of your own free will?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes.
BORUSA: At your command, Excellency.
LEELA: Shall I kill him now?
DOCTOR: What? No. No, he's my friend.
LEELA: He's no friend to threaten you like that.
DOCTOR: He is a friend. You're my friend, aren't you, Borusa? You're the most important friend I've got.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: This is useless. Not even marked. Return with the troopers, but make sure they are fully armed. Otherwise, I will negate you. Now go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Bringing up the heavy artillery, I imagine.
BORUSA: The next logical step, I agree.
DOCTOR: Evacuation?
BORUSA: Would appear logical.
DOCTOR: I suggest my TARDIS.
BORUSA: I agree.
DOCTOR: I think the exit through your office would be most expedient.
BORUSA: There's no need for formality, Excellency.
DOCTOR: I know. There's something in there I want rather badly. Let's go. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: What was that?
KELNER: I don't know, sir.
STOR: What trick is this?
KELNER: I have no idea. Believe me, Excellency.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Ah, Chancellor. You and I have things to discuss. Urgent things. Leela.
LEELA: Yes?
DOCTOR: Take the others back to the TARDIS.
LEELA: Oh no, I'm not leaving you again.
DOCTOR: Please.
LEELA: No. Every time I do, you get into trouble.
DOCTOR: That's right. Trust me, please.
LEELA: All right. Come on. I said, come on.
DOCTOR: Well, Chancellor? Are you going to help me or kill me, hmm?
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: Why did you not tell us this before?
KELNER: He called himself Doctor for many lifespans before he became President, but I have never trusted him. When your good friends the Vardans
STOR: You have met the Vardans?
KELNER: Alas, all too briefly.
STOR: They had their uses. You also may be of use to us, Time Lord.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Where is it?
BORUSA: I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
DOCTOR: Where is it?
BORUSA: You ask for the impossible.
DOCTOR: I ask for the Great Key.
BORUSA: You already have it.
DOCTOR: I have Rod of Rassilon and I have the Sash. I do not have the Great Key.
BORUSA: That is a myth, a legend.
DOCTOR: Chancellor, would you have me break my oath as President? My oath to seek the Great Key?
BORUSA: That has been incumbent upon every president since time immemorial. None has ever found it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Run! Run!
LEELA: Come on, run.
ABLIF: Leave me, Leela. Save yourself. They need you. Go!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: People are dying out there. Men, women, Time Lords even have died in that battle.
BORUSA: I know that.
DOCTOR: Isn't that important to you?
BORUSA: Should it be?
DOCTOR: It leaves you unconcerned. That's the difference between you and me, Chancellor. I'm very concerned.
BORUSA: Then you should remember your training in detachment.
DOCTOR: I'd rather care. Don't you care about your world being invaded by alien warmongers? These are Sontaran shock troops. A few still, but soon there'll be thousands, millions, threatening time itself.
BORUSA: They cannot threaten time! Not while I
DOCTOR: Yes, Chancellor. Not while you have the Great Key.
DOCTOR: If you wanted to hide a tree, where would you hide it? In a forest. I read your essay on reason.
DOCTOR: Which one is it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Hurry. Hurry!
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: I'll take them all, if necessary.
BORUSA: Take them.
DOCTOR: No. Rassilon was a wily old bird. No president without the Great Key can have absolute power, correct? So to protect the Time Lords from dictatorship, he gave the Key into the hands of a Chancellor.
BORUSA: None of this is in the Matrix.
DOCTOR: I know. I've been there. You haven't. There's no record in the Matrix of any president knowing the whereabouts of the Great Key. So who does? Not the Castellan, he's just a jumped up guard. But who guards the guards?
BORUSA: The Chancellor.
DOCTOR: Yes. And I'll kill you before I let that Key fall into the hands of the Sontarans.
BORUSA: That will not be necessary.
BORUSA: You are the first president since Rassilon to hold the Great Key.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KELNER: But I can't, Excellency!
KELNER: It's impossible! No one could connect to the Matrix without the circlet.
STOR: Then bypass the Matrix!
KELNER: It is impossible!
STOR: For the strong, everything is possible.
KELNER: I've tried every
STOR: You must widen the gap in the forcefield to allow my battle fleet to enter.
KELNER: But only the President
STOR: I must have reinforcements! I must seek out the Doctor. He will lead me to the Great Key.
KELNER: The Great Key? But that's impossible
STOR: That was your last chance.
KELNER: Of, of course, I, I know that all things are possible.
STOR: Well?
KELNER: There could just be a way.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Ah, there you are. Got your new orders yet? Get in touch with Commander Stor. He'll put you in the picture.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: Of course there are no new orders. Stop him!
[SCENE_BREAK]
SONTARAN: Halt! Halt!
DOCTOR: The Great Key, you see. Good for years yet.
BORUSA: The Great Key is quite useless against elementary particle assault.
DOCTOR: Is it? What? I don't understand.
BORUSA: The Chancellor's personal force-shield. (his medallion of office) Unfortunately, the batteries seem uncomfortably low.
DOCTOR: They do?
BORUSA: So what would you suggest we do?
DOCTOR: Run?
BORUSA: Run.
DOCTOR: Let's do that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BORUSA: So undignified. I haven't run like this for centuries.
DOCTOR: You're out of condition, Borusa, that's your problem. Do you think you can make it over there?
BORUSA: Naturally.
DOCTOR: I didn't mean you, I meant the batteries.
BORUSA: Oh. With luck.
DOCTOR: Good.
DOCTOR: Maybe I am getting too young for this sort of thing. Come on.
BORUSA: If you could just open the door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: Well?
KELNER: Well, it's difficult. There's so much disorder.
STOR: I must have reinforcements.
KELNER: There is a way of patching control through.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: What do you do?
RODAN: I'm a technician.
DOCTOR: Good. You stand there. Andred, control booth seven, on the right. K9, go with him. Off you go.
DOCTOR: Leela.
LEELA: Yes?
DOCTOR: Show Borusa to the VIP suite.
LEELA: VIP suite?
DOCTOR: The Chancellor's suite. It's down there on the left, up three stages, one down stage, turn left, turn left, turn left, turn left again. The room's marked no entry. Off you go.
LEELA: No entry.
DOCTOR: Leela?
LEELA: Yes?
DOCTOR: Take that for me.
BORUSA: (quietly) You can't give the Great Key to an alien.
DOCTOR: I just have.
BORUSA: You trust her?
DOCTOR: I do. Leela, that's important.
LEELA: Then I shall look after it.
DOCTOR: Good. Off you go.
LEELA: Come.
DOCTOR: What's your name?
RODAN: Rodan.
DOCTOR: Rodan. R O D A N. How do you do, Rodan?
RODAN: As well as I can, Excellency.
DOCTOR: Well, who could hope for more. What branch did you study?
RODAN: Quasitronics.
DOCTOR: Quasitronics. I don't know much about quasitronics.
RODAN: Well, it's a simple field study exercise
DOCTOR: Yes, I'm sure it is a simple field study exercise. You wouldn't have a glimmer of astrophysics, would you?
RODAN: A glimmer.
DOCTOR: Good. Could you forget everything you ever learned?
RODAN: What?
DOCTOR: I mean, could you switch my primary and secondary stabiliser circuitry into your secondary defence barrier?
RODAN: Link your control to the main defence mechanism?
DOCTOR: Well, to close the hole I made in it, yes. Seal it up and stop any more Sontaran ships coming in.
RODAN: Have you got a screwdriver?
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: How much longer?
KELNER: I can't get, oh.
STOR: My battalion commander insists on immediate entry. Unless I obey, I shall die. Before I die, you will die, Time Lord.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: You all right?
RODAN: Of course I am.
DOCTOR: Good.
RODAN: Crimps.
DOCTOR: Crimps. Crimps. Are you sure you know what you're doing?
RODAN: I do. Five four two lever.
DOCTOR: Five four two lever. Five four two lever.
DOCTOR: Steady, old girl. This won't hurt a bit.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KELNER: Useless.
STOR: What is of no use?
KELNER: The primary, secondary and tertiary control circuits are out of order.
STOR: Then repair them.
KELNER: It isn't a question of repair, Excellency. They have been bypassed. The only way of doing that is through a time capsule, and the only one in operation at the moment is the President's.
STOR: Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: They could rampage right through the whole universe. And not just this universe, all the universes. Nasty thought, isn't it? That's why I had to stop them. Just had to.
RODAN: Vinkelgruber.
DOCTOR: Vinkelgruber? Are you listening to what I was saying?
RODAN: A Vinkelgruber.
DOCTOR: Vinkelgruber.
RODAN: No, now what were you saying?
DOCTOR: I was saying that what they're after is the Rod of Rassilon, the Sash, and above all, the Great Key. These three together, linked into the Matrix, provide the sum total of Time Lord power. That's what they want.
[SCENE_BREAK]
KELNER: There is an alternative, Excellency.
STOR: What is it?
KELNER: I believe I can bypass the safety circuits.
[SCENE_BREAK]
RODAN: Hand.
DOCTOR: Hand.
RODAN: Load of junk.
DOCTOR: What is?
RODAN: This.
DOCTOR: It's my TARDIS you're talking about.
RODAN: There you are. Look, there's the arrow head, arrow wings, arrow shaft. Why, it's a perfect Sontaran formation.
DOCTOR: Yes. Why an entire battle fleet?
RODAN: Doesn't matter. The defence screens are up again.
DOCTOR: Huh, you haven't seen what a Sontaran battle fleet. Are you sure?
RODAN: Shush. As long as this TARDIS remains secure, you control the defence screens.
DOCTOR: As long as the TARDIS remains secure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STOR: Better. Much better, Time Lord.
[SCENE_BREAK]
RODAN: What is happening?
DOCTOR: He's reversed the stabiliser banks.
RODAN: But that's impossible. Only a Time Lord could do that.
DOCTOR: A criminal Time Lord could, too.
DOCTOR: We're being thrown into a black star! | Plan: A: the Sontarans; Q: Who do the Doctor and his friends flee from? A: his sacred office; Q: What does the Doctor try to convince Borusa to abandon? Summary: The Doctor and his friends flee from the Sontarans and the Doctor tries to convince Borusa to abandon his sacred office in order to help defeat them. |
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS COMMUNITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
WHITE FLASH TO:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS' HOUSE - NIGHT]
(Camera opens on the front of the Collins' mail box. The sprinkler system is on.)
(Camera pushes in slowly to the bunny lawn decorations near the mail box.)
(The sprinkler system shuts off.)
(After a moment, the front door opens and a woman screams.)
Tina Collins: (screaming) Help me!
(TINA COLLINS runs out of the house.)
Tina Collins: (screaming) Oh, god, help me! Somebody, please! Please ... oh, god! Somebody help me!
(TINA COLLINS runs across the front lawn and out into the street, still screaming at the top of her lungs.)
Tina Collins: Please! Help me! Help me!
(She runs to the next door neighbor's, the lights in the house having turned on at the screams.)
Tina Collins: Help me! Help me! Please!
(She reaches the front door and starts pounding on it.)
Cue Sound: (PRELAP) AMBULANCE SIREN WAILING
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. NEIGHBORHOOLD - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(Emergency vehicles and Officer cars surround the house. GRISSOM drives up to the scene, the dispatch radio on in his car.)
(GRISSOM parks the car and exits the vehicle. He meets up with DET. O'RILEY. They head for the house.)
Grissom: Hey.
Det. O'Riley: Heads up. The press is going to be all over this one.
Grissom: Did the count change since you called me?
Det. O'Riley: Four dead: Mother, father, two teenage boys. The sisters were luckier.
(He points to a girl talking with an officer off to the side. She has a blanket wrapped around her.)
Det. O'Riley: Teen girl heard a noise, hid in the closet. Alerted the neighbors after all the shouting was done.
(He points to a little girl sitting in the front seat of the police car.)
Det. O'Riley: Younger sister's over there. They couldn't have killed their father tag team -- soaking wet.
(GRISSOM looks at the house and sees an OFFICER run out of the house, a handkerchief pressed tightly to his mouth. He rushes toward the bushes at the side of the house to throw up.)
Grissom: What's the matter with your guys?
Det. O'Riley: They've been inside.
(DET. O'RILEY puts his notebook into his coat pocket and walks away.)
(Grimly, GRISSOM stares at the house. He sighs.)
HARD CUT TO: END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS HOUSE - NEAR FRONT DOOR -- NIGHT]
(GRISSOM and SHIBLEY walk toward the open front door.)
Grissom: Put your equipment down, son.
(SHIBLEY puts his kit down. GRISSOM signs in and hands the board back to the officer at the door. He hands a pair of latex gloves to SHIBLEY. GRISSOM'S thoughts are at what lies beyond. GRISSOM puts his own gloves up.)
Grissom: Put these on. I'm going to do a preliminary walk-through. You're going to take my notes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COLLINS' HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM and SHIBELY walk inside.)
(GRISSOM looks around. He sees the framed family photograph on the wall.)
(SHIBLEY also looks around and sees the light switch. He moves to turn it on. GRISSOM stops him.)
Grissom: Don't touch that! I want everything exactly the way it was.
(SHIBLEY withdraws. GRISSOM looks around and sees the stairs leading up to the second floor. On the way up, they pass more framed family photographs hanging on the wall.)
Grissom: The air smells like copper. Lots of blood. Breathe through your mouth.
Shibley: Yes, sir.
(On the stairway, they pass a statue of a rabbit in front of a photograph of rabbits.)
(They reach the second floor.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COLLINS HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - HALLWAY - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(The first thing they see down the hallway is a pair of feet of the first dead body. There is blood spatter on the hallway walls. GRISSOM turns the corner and looks down at the body.)
Grissom: Male caucasian approximately 40 years old lying in a pool of blood.
(GRISSOM walks cautiously around the body. SHIBLEY appears and takes a look at the body as he writes. GRISSOM kneels down next to the body.)
Grissom: No drag marks. Body does not appear to have been moved. Multiple stab wounds to the back and neck. Looks like a single-edged blade. Force to such a degree that the left and right internal jugular veins have been transected. Head faces west. Feet pointing east. Approximately two feet from the north wall, one foot from the south.
Shibley: (swallows as he's getting sick) Could ... could you take your own notes? I think that I'm going to be sick.
(Behind him, SARA appears. She looks at SHIBLEY and grabs the clipboard from him.)
Sara: I got it. Go get some fresh air.
(SHIBLEY leaves, coughing as he goes. GRISSOM stares at SARA.)
Sara: I heard on the scanner. Quadruple. Figured you might need a hand.
Grissom: You don't sleep, do you?
Sara: (shakes her head, unoffended) No.
(GRISSOM turns back to look around. SARA also looks around and latches on the bullseye symbol on the wall.)
Sara: Blood swirl on the wall. Are you thinking cult? Manson?
Grissom: (shakes his head, he doesn't know) Somebody left a message. I need to see the rest of it.
(GRISSOM looks around.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COLLINS HOUSE - SECOND FLOOR - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM and SARA walk into the Master Bedroom. They walk toward the bed. On the bed, Mrs. Collins is dead.)
(GRISSOM recites; SARA writes.)
Grissom: Female Caucasian. Appears to be one stab wound to the throat. Transection of left and right carotid arteries with exsanguinating hemorrhage. No defense marks. Cursory opinion: She was killed in her sleep.
(SARA looks around. Listening. GRISSOM also stops and looks around. In the silence, they can hear it. Something's dripping.)
(They both lean in toward the body.)
(Her blood hasn't clotted and is dripping down her fingertips to the floor.)
Grissom: (sighs) Do you feel this?
Sara: (nods) (quietly) Her soul's still in the room.
Grissom: But there's something else.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS HOUSE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(SARA takes a picture of the dead woman. GRISSOM walks out of the room and down the hall. He follows the blood spatter on the floor back to the body of MR. COLLINS.)
(GRISSOM stops in front of the door that MR. COLLINS is in front of. It's BRENDA'S room. GRISSOM pushes the door open and walks into the room. He looks around. It appears to be a normal little girl's room.)
(Cut to: GRISSOM pushes the door open and walks into the sons' room. One of the boys is dead on the bed. GRISSOM lifts the sheet and looks underneath.)
(He checks the windows.)
(He looks at the other empty bed in the room. On the mirror is another bull's eye symbol. GRISSOM walks toward it and looks at it.)
(In the mirror's reflection, he finds the second son's body on the floor between the bed and the wall. He turns around to look at the body. The little boy was stabbed in the back. GRISSOM looks up and sees two bloodied hand prints on the wall. He closes his eyes at the sight.)
SHORT TIME CUT TO:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS' RESIDENCE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM walks out of the house. He walks up to DET. O'RILEY.)
Det. O'Riley: You want a barf bag?
Grissom: (firmly) I want the paramedics that were in this house back here immediately -- police escort. Get them on this front lawn now.
(GRISSOM walks up to the next OFFICER.)
DET. O'RIELY: You'd think I work for you instead of the other way around.
Grissom: (to the OFFICER) Call dispatch. You tell my entire graveyard shift that I want them here ASAP -- all of them-- no exceptions.
(The OFFICER leaves. GRISSOM turns to look at SARA.)
Grissom: Sara, those photos -- blown up times ten. Tell the lab that we need every forensics tool available to us here right away. This is the only crime scene in Las Vegas tonight.
Sara: Yes, sir.
(GRISSOM turns and walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS HOUSE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(A reporter standing outside the house gives her news report.)
Reporter 1 (woman): The fear in this neighborhood just South of Las Vegas Boulevard is almost palpable. Scott Collins, his wife and two sons were brutally murdered in their beds.
(Camera moves past the woman reporter to another woman reporter behind her ... )
Reporter 2 (woman): ... the murder of four innocent ...
(Camera moves past the camera view screen for the first reporter ... )
Reporter 1 (woman): Authorities thus far have offered no comment fueling the fears of the neighbors that a killer is on the loose.
Reporter 3 (man): (o.s.) ... A multiple murder. And we will have more on this ...
(Camera lingers on the neighbors standing outside and watching.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS HOUSE - FRONT LAWN - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM walks up to DET. O'RILEY who is talking with TINA COLLINS.)
Det. O'Riley: It's okay. We'll give you clothes. The lab guys just want to see yours.
Grissom: Sergeant, may I?
(DET. O'RILEY steps aside. GRISSOM looks at TINA.)
Grissom: Tina ... I'm very sorry about what happened to you tonight. But everything we take from your house can help us find out what happened to your family.
Tina Collins: (crying) When can I be with my sister? She's so scared.
(TINA looks over at BRENDA who is sitting quietly in the front of the police car.)
Grissom: Soon. Detective?
(A woman detective steps up to stand next to TINA COLLINS. GRISSOM turns and heads for the police car.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS HOUSE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM walks up to the police car.)
Grissom: (to the OFFICER) Thanks.
(The OFFICER steps aside and GRISSOM kneels down in front of BRENDA COLLINS. BRENDA doesn't look at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: Hi. Is your name Brenda?
(BRENDA blinks, then looks at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: I'm trying to find out who hurt your family. Do you think you could help me? Did anyone come into your room tonight? Through the door? Through the window maybe?
(BRENDA doesn't say anything.)
Grissom: (nods) Okay.
(GRISSOM stands up and turns to leave. BRENDA stops him.)
Brenda Collins: (softly) The buffalo.
(GRISSOM turns around to look at BRENDA. He kneels back down in front of her.)
Grissom: The buffalo? Who's the buffalo?
(BRENDA doesn't respond. And she doesn't look at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: Brenda?
(Sensing he's not going to get any more from her, he stands up and leaves. BRENDA watches him go.)
BLUR OUT TO:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS RESIDENCE - NIGHT - SHORT TIME LATER]
(GRISSOM walks up to NICK, CATHERINE and WARRICK.)
Grissom: First rule for this crime scene: Do not do any interviews. Second rule: Don't talk to the Sheriff either.
Warrick: Media have it right? Four dead?
Grissom: The killer was here not two hours ago. He left part of himself behind. Catherine, I need you inside, mapping and blood samples.
Catherine: You got it.
Grissom: Nick, Warrick-- the perimeter. I want to know how he got here how he got in, how he got out, and how he left.
Nick: I'll take the back. Warrick, you get the front?
Warrick: You got it.
(Cut to: A blurry image of the American flag.)
(Cut to: Various shots of the spectators standing around watching.)
(Cut to: The media crowd out in the front lawn.)
(GRISSOM heads back into the house.)
(Cut to: DET. O'RILEY stands next to REPORTER 1 (WOMAN). He looks up when someone calls his name.)
Officer: (o.s.) Hey, O'Riley, Grissom wants to see you.
(He ducks under the crime scene tape and heads back toward the house.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COLLINS HOUSE - KITCHEN -- NIGHT]
(GRISSOM walks cautiously in the kitchen. DET. O'RILEY walks into the kitchen.)
Det. O'Riley: They said you were looking for me.
Grissom: Hey, stop! Evidence!
(DET. O'RILEY stops and changes his course, staying off of the main floor and on the sides of the room.)
Det. O'Riley: We got to hug the wall? This is the only room with no blood in it. There's nothing to disturb.
Grissom: You guys will never get it, will you?
(GRISSOM continues to look around and notices the open knife drawer. He reaches over and pulls it open.
Grissom: Knife drawer. One missing.
Det. O'Riley: It's the only drawer open. The killer knew where they were going.
Grissom: I think the suspect's been in this house before. And this is the first place they stopped tonight.
(GRISSOM looks down at the floor.)
Grissom: Good. Linoleum. The best surface.
Det. O'Riley: Best surface for what?
WHITE FLASH TO:
(GRISSOM is on his hands and knees mere inches from the floor holding a special light. He finds some shoe prints.)
(Short time cut to: GRISSOM has the print lifter on the floor.)
Det. O'Riley: (o.s.) You guys got some toys ...
Grissom: It's not a toy, O'Riley. It's an electrostatic dust print lifter.
Det. O'Riley: Okay ...
Grissom: Like a supercharged lint remover only it lifts footprints. Possibly our killer's.
(GRISSOM flips the sheet over and on the other side is a clear image of the shoe print.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS HOUSE - NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM questions the paramedics.)
EMS #1: We did everything by the book, sir.
Grissom: Relax. I just want to know where you walked in the house and who you touched in there.
EMS #1: Well, we did use the main entry, and up the stairs. But once we saw the husband, we grabbed the walls. I felt the pulses in each room. Once I found they were dead, we booked.
Grissom: Show me the bottom of your shoe.
(GRISSOM takes the shoe print and checks it against the EMS's.)
(The first one is not a match.)
Grissom: Now yours.
(The second EMS's shoes match the prints found in the kitchen. He stands up.)
Grissom: You fellows were both in the kitchen.
EMS #1: We didn't see any bodies in there so I didn't think twice about walking on the surface.
Grissom: All right. Yours are the only clean prints I found. Thanks. You can go back to work.
(The paramedics leave. DET. O'RILEY walks up to GRISSOM.)
Det. O'Riley: News bim's waiting for you. Thinks you have an "interesting look."
(GRISSOM looks over at the media hanging just outside the crime scene tape.)
Reporter 1 (woman): Any truth to the rumor that a cult may have committed these crimes?
Grissom: I don't know that.
Reporter 1 (woman): But you wouldn't rule it out?
Grissom: I don't rule anything out.
(That small tidbid seemed to satisfy the news media. From behind him, someone calls him.)
Sheriff Brian Mobley: Grissom.
Grissom: Sheriff?
Sheriff Brian Mobley: The mayor has already called. So what have you got?
Grissom: Nothing.
Sheriff Brian Mobley: I'm not asking you to lay out your whole case. Just give me something I can run with. I have got to feed the press and defuse the panic.
Grissom: As soon as I have something, you'll have something.
Sheriff Brian Mobley: Here's a thought. Why don't you try being more like Ecklie?
Grissom: I could speak volumes about Conrad Ecklie, but I have a crime scene to process so ... you'll have to excuse me.
Reporter 1 (woman): Sheriff, can you tell me what went on inside?
(SHERIFF walks over to the media and talks with them.)
Sheriff Brian Mobley: Let me assure everyone that the situation is well under control. We don't have any suspects at this time, but our forensic crew ...
(Still sitting in the front of the police car and temporarily forgotten is BRENDA COLLINS. GRISSOM walks over to SARA.)
Sara: You want me inside?
Grissom: I need you to transport the little girl to the police department. Brass is waiting for you.
Sara: You're kidding me, right? I'm a taxi service on the biggest case of the year?
Grissom: Sara ... I need one of us with that little girl.
(GRISSOM turns and walks back into the house leaving SARA with her mouth gaping.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS HOUSE - YARD -- DAY]
(WARRICK finds some tire prints in the dirt. He checks the dirt.)
(Cut to: A bunny yard decoration.)
(NICK stands in the entryway taking pictures of something he's found just outside the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COLLINS HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY]
(Camera opens on small framed photographs on the bedside table. Camera moves over to show the bloodstained bedsheets, the body has already been removed.)
(CATHERINE takes a sample of the blood found on the bed.)
(Cut to: [EXT. ENTRYWAY] NICK steps just outside the entryway and sees a bidi in the bushes. He takes a photograph of it.)
(Cut to: [EXT. YARD] WARRICK takes photographs of the tire prints in the dirt.)
(Cut to: [INT. SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY] CATHERINE takes another blood sample from the hallway floor.)
(Cut to: [EXT. ENTRYWAY] NICK picks up the bidi from the bushes and looks at it. He puts it in a bindle. He looks down and finds a used match. He picks that up also.)
(Cut to: [INT. SECOND FLOOR BOYS' BEDROOM] CATHERINE takes a blood sample from the hand prints on the wall. She turns around and watches the CORONERS' remove one of the boys' bodies.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COLLINS HOUSE - FIRST FLOOR - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM watches as the body is brought down the stairs by the CORONERS. GRISSOM walks up to DAVID PHILLIPS.)
Grissom: I want to see all of their personal property -- clothes, jewelry, whatever they have on.
David Phillips: If there's something under all this blood you'll be the first to know.
(DAVID turns to leave with the bodies. NICK stands in the doorway and lifts up the sheet to one of the little boy's bodies. He looks under it and puts it down. He looks at GRISSOM and sighs.)
Nick: (upset) This kid should be out playing Pop Warner.
(NICK heads back outside and hits the door with his fist in frustration. GRISSOM doesn't say anything, but watches NICK.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. VARIOUS FRONT LAWN SCENES - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COLLINS HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE reports to GRISSOM.)
Catherine: I got the blood samples on the way to the lab.
Grissom: Good. You buy this cult thing?
Catherine: You mean the blood swirls next to the father's body in the boys' room?
(CATHERINE shakes her head.)
Catherine: I studied pictures of the Manson Murders. This isn't butter. It's imitation.
(GRISSOM nods in agreement.)
Catherine: What's your take?
Grissom: Whoever did it killed the mother first. In her sleep, quick.
Catherine: Explains why the blood is confined to the bed and the floor under it.
Grissom: Husband woke up. Ran to protect his kids.
(They start walking out of the bedroom as GRISSOM narrates.)
Grissom: The killer nicked him here. And then finished him off down the hall.
Catherine: Gave his life for the little girl. There should be more blood.
Grissom: Yeah. It's a hole. We need to fill it. If we start from the inside and fan out whoever's left at the scene ...
Catherine: The first suspect.
Grissom: The teen daughter?
Catherine: Well, she'd need help. Maybe a boyfriend?
Grissom: (thoughtful) I wonder if they call him "buffalo."
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(Camera close up of BRENDA COLLINS drawing. She's using the black crayon and vigorously coloring.)
Sara: (o.s.) Look, brass, I don't see why I got to take her. I'm a scientist. Catherine's the mom. Ask her.
Brass: O'Riley was primary on this till it passed over to me. Big deal.
Sara: What about Family Services? Can't they take her?
Brass: They sent their caseworker over to the hospital so meet her there with the kid.
Sara: I am not good with kids.
Brass: Look, I'm not asking you to adopt her. Just take her over to sunrise for a Psych Eval, will you?
(BRASS turns and walks away.)
(SARA looks at BRENDA and walks over to her. She glances back at BRASS, then kneels and looks at what BRENDA'S coloring.)
Sara: That's very pretty.
(BRENDA grabs the pink crayon and starts scratching out the picture.)
Sara: Or not.
(BRENDA puts the crayon down.)
Sara: Want to go for another ride?
(Without saying anything, BRENDA pushes the paper and all the crayons off the table and onto the floor. She puts her hands flat against her ears.)
Sara: I'll take that as a "yes."
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(BRASS and GRISSOM interview TINA COLLINS.)
Brass: Tina, do you know what time you heard those noises?
Tina Collins: No, but they sounded like footsteps coming from the kitchen.
Brass: And that's when you hid in the closet?
Tina Collins: Yes.
Brass: Does your family normally keep the doors locked at night?
Tina Collins: I don't know. My dad checks the house at night. It's always been a safe neighborhood.
Grissom: Tina ... do you ... go out with anyone special?
Tina Collins: I hook up with different guys. No one special.
Grissom: Are any of them ... called "Buffalo"?
(TINA doesn't look at them. BRASS notices this immediately.)
Tina Collins: "Buffalo"? No.
(GRISSOM notices it also.)
Brass: How about this, Tina? You live in a house with six people, right? You must be used to hearing footsteps in the kitchen late at night. Why so scared last night?
Tina Collins: I know my brothers' footsteps. And my Dad's. These were different.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COLLINS HOUSE -- DAY]
(NICK and WARRICK kneel down looking at the tire print in the dirt.)
Nick: How do you know it's fresh?
Warrick: I checked the sprinkler system. It goes off every night at zero-two hundred (0200).
Nick: (nods) And paramedics pronounced at oh-two-forty (0240).
(WARRICK starts mixing the plaster cast.)
Warrick: So somebody came out of the house and got on what looks to be a step down from a motorcycle and drove it across the lawn.
Nick: And I bet he dropped the bidi I found in the back on the way out.
Grissom: Bidi?
Nick: Yeah. Those hand-rolled cigarettes? Probably a teenager. They're always taking shortcuts.
Warrick: How's that hand?
Nick: Hmm?
Warrick: I saw you beating up the door a little while ago. You all right?
Nick: Yeah. It's cool. I'll see you back at the lab.
(NICK stands up and leaves. WARRICK takes the mixture and starts pouring it into the tire print.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(BRENDA COLLINS walks out into the hallway holding onto DR. LEEVER'S hand, a pink stuffed toy in her other arm.)
Sara: Hey, Brenda.
(DR. LEEVER and BRENDA meet up with SARA and the FAMILY SERVICES REP, CONNIE BELLVUE. They both stand up.)
Dr. Leever: Which one of you is with Family Services?
Connie Bellvue: I am. Connie Bellvue.
Dr. Leever: (to CONNIE BELLVUE) Brenda's fine but I'd like her to have a consult. I've paged the psychiatric resident. Should be here within the hour.
(DR. LEEVER completely ignores SARA. He turns and leaves. CONNIE BELLVUE steps up next to BRENDA and puts her hand on the little girl in a possessive manner.)
Connie Bellvue: (dismissing to SARA) Thanks. I'll take it from here.
Sara: What ... what's the head exam for?
(BRENDA starts playing with her hair. CONNIE BELLVUE doesn't answer SARA'S question.)
Connie Bellvue: I said ... we'll take it from here.
Sara: (insistent) Look, if there's any forensic evidence found during this exam, I need to be there.
Connie Bellvue: (quietly dismissing) It's already going to be tense.
(BRENDA quietly steps away from CONNIE BELLVUE and around to SARA'S other side, the side with her gun. She grabs the back of SARA'S jacket, which is tied around her waist, and starts tugging it to get SARA'S attention.)
Connie Bellvue: (continuous) Go back to your crime lab. I'll keep you posted.
(SARA looks down at BRENDA, who is now looking up directly at SARA. Her choice unmistakable. SARA puts her arm around the little girl and nods.)
Sara: (soothing) It's okay, Brenda.
(Though still talking to BRENDA, SARA looks at CONNIE BELLVUE.)
Sara: (firmly) I'm not leaving you.
(Camera holds on BRENDA as she looks at CONNIE BELLVUE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. COLLINS HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM -- DAY]
(Camera opens on the photographs tucked into the frame of the vanity mirror. Through its reflection, we see CATHERINE back inside the master bedroom with a clipboard in her hand.)
(Camera moves back to focus on a picture of BRENDA sitting at a soda pop counter and smiling for the camera.)
(Cut to: [HALLWAY -- DAY] CATHERINE starts mapping the blood spatter in the hallway. She puts down evidence marker #1 and takes a photograph of it.)
(Cut to: [DAY] She puts down evidence markers #3 and #2. She takes a photograph of evidence marker #2. She takes photos of evidence marker #3. She takes photos of evidence marker #4. She takes the photo and looks out at the hallway.)
(Cut to: [LATE DAY] CATHERINE is still in the hallway, crouching between evidence markers #2 and #3. Down the hallway near the bullseye are evidence markers #4 and #5. CATHERINE picks up her clipboard and works on the photos. She writes on the photo with evidence marker #5, "Spatter found opp ... ". CATHERINE looks out down the hallway.)
(Cut to: [EVENING] CATHERINE finishes mapping out the blood on a plastic architectural layout of the second floor.)
(Dissolve to: [NIGHT] CATHEIRNE sits on the floor in the door way to one of the bedrooms, looking out at the blood spatter in the hallway; the evidence markers are removed. She continues to work. The clock chimes. She looks around at the sound and checks her watch. She finally realizes how late it is.)
Catherine: (grimaces) Linds.
(CATHERINE puts her things aside and scrambles to her feet.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- NIGHT]
(GRISSOM is in the lab examining TINA'S clothes. He turns on the ALS and cuts the top lights off.)
(Off to the side, there's a thud ... and a curse.)
Warrick: Damn!
Grissom: (without looking up) That you, Warrick?
(WARRICK walks up to GRISSOM.)
Warrick: You need to tell somebody when you're cutting the lights.
Grissom: What, are you working for OSHA now?
Warrick: Grissom, you remember those tire treads ... I found on the front lawn?
Grissom: mm-hmm.
Warrick: Well, I ran them through the FBI register and they belong to a '93 Honda scooter.
Grissom: That's good.
Warrick: I DMV'd it. A kid four blocks away from the scene owns the same make.
Grissom: That's very good.
Warrick: I might have just blown open the case and all you give me is a "that's very good"?
(GRISSOM looks up at WARRICK, changing the subject completely.)
Grissom: If your whole family was murdered, wouldn't you run to them to check to see if they were still alive?
Warrick: Yeah.
(GRISSOM goes back to examining the clothes. He doesn't find it and gives up.)
Grissom: This is a Lady Macbeth.
Warrick: Lady Macbeth?
(GRISSOM turns the lights back on.)
Grissom: "Out, out, damn spot." There's not a trace of blood on the teen daughter's clothing. Not a spot.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. WILLOWS' HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT]
(CATHERINE walks into the house.)
Catherine: Linds? Lindsey?
(CATHERINE walks into the house looking for her daughter.)
Catherine: Lindsey ... Lindsey.
(CATHERINE walks into the family room and finds LINDSEY on the floor next to EDDIE, both listening to vinyl record albums.)
Catherine: Hi, honey!
Lindsey Willows: Mommy, hi!
(LINDSEY stands up and gives CATHERINE a hug.)
Catherine: Oh, am I glad to see you.
(EDDIE gets up and turns off the stereo.)
Lindsey: Daddy came to ballet tonight.
Catherine: I know. I was just there. Your teacher told me daddy came to pick you up. Oh, you feel so good.
(CATHERINE puts LINDSEY down and turns to look at EDDIE.)
Catherine: Ed ... I'm working this quadruple. Time got away from me. I apologize.
Eddie Willows: I figured that's probably what it was.
Catherine: Right.
Eddie Willows: When they couldn't reach you, they called me.
Catherine: Yeah. Thank you. I really, really ...
Eddie Willows: Cath, Cath, Cath ... she's my kid too, okay? All right?
Catherine: Yeah.
(EDDIE moves around CATHERINE and starts massaging her shoulders.)
Catherine: (sighs) Oh, god.
Eddie Willows: So, the case is bad? I saw it on the news.
Catherine: Yeah.
Eddie Willows: Hey.
(He stops, turns her around and looks at her.)
Catherine: What?
Eddie Willows: Are you hungry? I made pancakes.
Catherine: You made pancakes?
Eddie Willows: Mm-hmm.
Catherine: (chuckles) For dinner?
Eddie Willows: Yeah.
(CATHERINE'S pager beeps. She checks it.)
Catherine: That would be Grissom.
Eddie Willows: How is your boyfriend?
Catherine: (sighs, unamused) Ed.
INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE - NIGHT]
(The phone rings. GRISSOM answers it.)
Grissom: (to phone) Yeah. I need you back here right away. The Collins Case is busting out.
Catherine: Okay, I'll be right there. Just let me put on some clean clothes.
Grissom: Please do.
(GRISSOM hangs up.)
(CATHERINE turns to look at EDDIE, who leans against the door frame.)
Catherine: Eddie ...
Eddie Willows: She's going to ask where you are.
Catherine: (sighs) She always does.
(CATHERINE walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- NIGHT]
(GRISSOM walks through the hallway and promptly runs into CONRAD ECKLIE.)
Grissom: Mr. Ecklie.
Conrad Ecklie: I just got off the phone with the Sheriff. He wants results, Gil.
Grissom: He should go to a sports book. I hear the Stardust is good.
Conrad Ecklie: No. What he should do is go to his first team-- my team.
Grissom: Teams, Conrad? I didn't know this was a competition.
Conrad Ecklie: Well, it is, and my crew usually wins.
Grissom: Really? Didn't graveyard beat day shift in softball last summer?
Conrad Ecklie: You know, you can joke all you want. It's your ass on the line.
(GRISSOM heads down the hallway and turns around to glance back at ECKLIE.)
Grissom: (rubbing it in) I think it was 14-3.
Conrad Ecklie: Like I said, it's all about results. And, if you don't get them I will.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- NIGHT]
(WARRICK and BRASS interview OLIVER.)
Warrick: The tire treads from the scooter place you at the scene of the murders.
Oliver: Look, I was in Hoover visiting my father. I don't know anything about Tina's parents getting killed.
Warrick: Tina's parents? So you know Tina Collins?
Oliver: Yeah, I know her. A lot of guys know her. She's a freak.
Warrick: You mean sexually?
Oliver: Yeah.
Warrick: Where's your scooter now?
Oliver: I told him I don't know.
Brass: So it just disappeared?
Oliver: Look, it costs money, right? And my dad's been slacking on support so I bought it with three other guys. We share it.
Brass: Here's a pen. Start writing.
(BRASS puts the pen down on the table in front of OLIVER. OLIVER grabs the pen and pulls the paper toward him. He starts writing.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- NIGHT]
(The door opens and SARA walks in to join the meeting.)
Sara: Hey, heard you have a suspect.
Warrick: We got about four just on the tire prints alone. Homicide's grabbing them up.
Grissom: Let's talk about what else we have. Tina Collins' pajama top from the murder scene without a drop of blood on it.
(SARA grabs a plate of food and takes a seat.)
Sara: Hello. How does she explain that?
Catherine: We're about to go ask her. Nick, what did you find out about that stuff that you collected at the back of the house?
Nick: The bidi? DNA's still processing but Tina said nobody in the family smoked.
Sara: So a non-family member was out there.
Grissom: Bidi? Bidi? I thought you found a cigarette and a match behind the house.
Nick: Well, it's just like a cigarette.
Sara: Kids smoke them. They think there's less carbon monoxide.
Grissom: What did you find out about the psych exam on the little girl?
Sara: The shrink says the kid is in a catatonic state from a trauma. I could've told you that. But she did respond to the name "Buffalo."
Grissom: Respond how?
Sara: She freaked out.
(CATHERINE stares at SARA and takes a deep breath.)
Grissom: And ... what are you doing about it now?
(SARA nods as she looks at GRISSOM.)
Sara: Going back to the girl.
(beat)
Sara: I left her in the car.
(GRISSOM looks at her. CATHERINE can't believe what she's hearing.)
Sara: (deadpans) The windows are cracked.
(GRISSOM stares at SARA, absolutely no expression on his face. SARA breaks out into a smile and stands up.)
Sara: Give me a little credit. She's at the hospital.
(WARRICK snickers at the fast one SARA just pulled on GRISSOM and CATHERINE. NICK also smiles appreciatively.)
(GRISSOM turns to look at CATHERINE. CATHERINE stares, then pops a piece of something in her mouth to eat.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(CATHERINE and GRISSOM re-question TINA COLLINS.)
Tina Collins: I don't know why I didn't get blood on my pajamas. I just didn't.
Catherine: But your statement says that you bent down and hugged your mother who was bleeding profusely. Then you ran out, tripping over your father's body in the upstairs hallway.
Grissom: But there was no blood on you.
Tina Collins: I saw my family dead. I was scared. I ran to the neighbors. That is the truth.
Grissom: The evidence is telling a different story.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(NICK and BRASS question the scooter owners.)
Suburban Teen Guy #1: I did the nasty with her, yeah, but I didn't kill her family. Besides my dad grounded me last week.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Suburban Teen Guy #2: I share the scooter with Oliver but I was camping last night. Ask my mom. She made me go. Church group.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jesse Overton: We had s*x. So what? I want a lawyer.
Brass: You want a lawyer? Okay, we'll get you a lawyer. Investigator Stokes will stay with you just in case you remember where you left that scooter.
(BRASS glances at NICK, then leaves the room. JESSE OVERTON nervously sits there for a moment, then reaches into his shirt pocket for a bidi.)
Nick: There's no smoking in here.
Jesse Overton: Sharon Stone -- "Basic Instinct", dude.
Nick: And I'm not your dude. This ain't a movie and Sharon Stone's fine. Let's go.
(JESSE OVERTON tosses the pack at NICK. NICK takes it and looks at the box.)
Nick: Matches?
(He tosses the matches to NICK.)
(NICK opens the unmarked match pack and looks inside where there's noticeably two matches ripped out from the pack.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GRISSOM'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(BRASS walks over to GRISSOM'S office where GRISSOM still has TINA COLLINS sitting inside.)
Brass: The kid's name is Jesse Overton. He time-shares the scooter. He admits to having s*x with your girl, and he's asking for a lawyer.
(TINA COLLINS starts to react to what she's hearing. GRISSOM and CATHERINE both notice her reactions.)
Brass: I want to get a warrant and search his house. I'll keep you posted.
(BRASS leaves the room.)
(TINA looks at GRISSOM.)
Tina Collins: I want to see my sister.
Grissom: It's not going to happen, Tina.
Catherine: It's a little too late to start coaching her now.
Tina Collins: You don't understand. I need to speak with her.
Grissom: She won't speak.
Catherine: The doctor says it's from trauma. What happened, Tina? Did you catch your boyfriend killing your family?
(TINA sits back, not responding to the accusation. She glances up at GRISSOM but remains quiet.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
[SCOPE VIEW: Matches]
(NICK attaches the match found at the scene to the match pack.)
Nick: (o.s.) Ha-ha-ha! Houston, we have liftoff.
Warrick: Let me take a look.
(NICK steps aside. WARRICK looks at the scope.)
Nick: You see how each half of the match lines up?
Warrick: I see.
Nick: Ah ... who broke the case?
Warrick: Well, if you believe what you hear in the halls - Ecklie.
Nick: Ecklie?
Both (Nick/Warrick): (laughs) Day shift.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JESSE OVERTON'S RESIDENCE - GARAGE -- DAY]
Brass: Sophisticated criminal, huh?
(BRASS lifts up and opens the trash can. Inside are the scooter parts.)
Grissom: Hmm?
Brass: This is the getaway vehicle. Tossing it in his own trash? What else is new?
(GRISSOM picks up the tire. BRASS looks inside the trash can and finds something else.)
Brass: Whoa. Is this a pair of jeans under all that blood?
Grissom: (sighs) "Yet who would have thought the old man to have so much blood in him?"
[Note: Quote said by Lady Macbeth, from "Macbeth", Act 5, Scene 1, 1.36-8, William Shakespeare.]
Brass: What was that?
Grissom: That's Shakespeare.
(BRASS nods and hands the bloodied jeans to GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - OBSERVATION ROOM -- DAY]
(GRISSOM and BRASS watch as the LIE DETECTOR OPERATOR hooks up JESSE OVERTON to the machine.)
Grissom: The lawyer's pleading him guilty.
Brass: Had to, once I put the murder weapon in his mug.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(JESSE OVERTON answers questions while hooked up to the machine.)
Lie Detector Operator: Remember -- yes or no.
Jesse Overton: Got it.
Lie Detector Operator: Did Tina Collins approach you at school and ask you to kill her family?
Jesse Overton: Yes.
Lie Detector Operator: (o.s.) Would you lie about that to escape the death penalty?
Jesse Overton: No.
Lie Detector Operator: Did you kill her family?
Jesse Overton: Yes.
Lie Detector Operator: Did Tina let you in the front door the night of the killings?
Jesse Overton: Two o'clock. I waited till it was straight up.
(Quick flashback to: At the back door, JESSE OVERTON lights up a bidi with a match.)
Lie Detector Operator: (V.O.) Yes or no?
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Jesse Overton: Sorry. (beat) Yes.
(Quick flashback to: JESSE OVERTON selects a knife and takes the biggest one in the drawer.)
Lie Detector Operator: (V.O.) Did she already have a knife for you?
Jesse Overton: (V.O.) No. She let me choose.
(He gets a grip on the knife and heads up the stairs.)
Lie Detector Operator: (V.O.) Did you use that knife to kill Barbara Collins?
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Jesse Overton: (takes a deep breath) Yes.
(Quick flashback to: JESSE OVERTON puts a gloved hand over BARBARA COLLINS' mouth. She wakes up, eyes wide. The bed spot next to her is empty.)
(He stabs her. She dies. He lets go of her.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Lie Detector Operator: And Mr. Collins?
Jesse Overton: (harder) Yes.
(Quick flashback to: JESSE OVERTON attacks MR. COLLINS from behind in the hallway. He stabs him. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Lie Detector Operator: And both sons?
Jesse Overton: Yes.
Lie Detector Operator: Was Tina mad at her parents for not letting you see each other?
Jesse Overton: Yes.
Lie Detector Operator: Did Tina Collins tell you she wanted them dead so you could see each other?
(JESSE pauses and looks away.)
Jesse Overton: Yes.
(Camera cuts to the print out that shows the lines all over the place.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(BRASS walks out into the hallway carrying the print out.)
Brass: Well, the sick b*st*rd is on the up and up. (to CATHERINE) Except your last question. Your "Why"?
Catherine: That they killed the family so they could be together?
Brass: Operator says his respiratory reactions were inconsistent. He's lying.
Nick: We got them both. I don't much care why they did it.
Warrick: I'm with you there.
Grissom: I care. I don't like holes. What are they hiding?
FADE TO BLACK
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CORONER'S OFFICE - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(GRISSOM walks into the autopsy room.)
Grissom: Did you collect the property from the Collins family?
Dr. Albert Robbins: Right after the autopsies. Sealed them myself. Why?
Grissom: I told one of your assistants to make sure that I got them.
Dr. Albert Robbins: Well, I gave them to Ecklie. He said he'd deliver them to you.
(GRISSOM turns and leaves the room without another word. DR. ROBBINS finishes putting the body back in storage.)
Dr. Albert Robbins: He was down here on another case.
(He closes the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - BREAK ROOM -- DAY]
(GRISSOM walks angrily through the hallway looking for ... )
Grissom: (mad as heck) Ecklie!
(GRISSOM pushes the doors to the break room open.)
Grissom: I want everything right now.
Conrad Ecklie: (flippantly) I've been going over it.
Grissom: The Collins case is my shift. You are completely off base.
Conrad Ecklie: What, you're afraid I'll find something that might show you up?
Grissom: Oh, I'm sure, if you could, you would have by now. Where is it?
(ECKLIE motions with his hand. GRISSOM heads out the door. ECKLIE stops him.)
Conrad Ecklie: I don't care that you got some pimply-faced kid to confess. You kept the Sheriff out of the loop. That's a career-killer, Gil.
Grissom: That's what so sad, Conrad. You think of this as a career.
(GRISSOM leaves the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB - DAY]
(Piece by piece, GRISSOM goes through the evidence taken off the bodies. He compares them with the crime scene photos.)
(He reaches for the next envelope and empties it on the table. Inside the baggie is a bloodied amulet on a chain. He cleans it up and finds ... )
Grissom: (whispers) The buffalo.
(Cut to: GRISSOM is on his cell phone.)
Grissom: (to phone) Sara?
Sara: (from phone) Yeah?
Grissom: (to phone) Sara. When they examined the little Collins girl did they check for sexual abuse?
Sara: (from phone) There were no overt signs. Why?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOSPITAL - EXAM ROOM - DAY]
Grissom: (V.O.) Have some ultraviolet photographs taken.
(SARA lifts up BRENDA COLLINS onto the table. She shows BRENDA the camera.)
Sara: This... is a very special camera. It can see deep into your skin. It can see things nobody can see. How about I take a picture of me first, okay?
(BRENDA nods her head. SARA lifts the camera and takes a picture of her own arm. The camera clicks. SARA looks at BRENDA and smiles.)
Sara: See? It's okay.
(BRENDA nods her head. SARA unties BRENDA'S gown and slips it just below her shoulders. BRENDA doesn't say a word.)
Sara: (quietly) Okay.
(SARA attaches a ruler to the top of the gown just below her shoulders. SARA picks up the camera and checks with BRENDA again.)
Sara: All ready?
(BRENDA nods.)
Sara: Okay.
(SARA lifts the camera and takes the pictures.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY]
(In the garage, CATHERINE speaks into a tape recorder as she takes her notes. She looks at a schematic of the crime scene, #XR-0048-096822-003.)
(As she speaks, the camera follows on the map. It starts with the figure of the father in the hallway in front of BRENDA'S bedroom door ... )
Catherine: Notes on mapping: Collins family murder. Case #00-398. Intruder killed mother.
(... then moves to the photo of the mother in the bedroom, Case #00-398, Photo
Catherine: Father went to protect the little girl. Got nicked by knife.
(Camera moves from the boy's room on the map to the photo, Case #00-398, Photo
Catherine: Killer subdued him as dad was entering the little girl's room to ...
Catherine: ... save her.
(Something doesn't click. It doesn't match the photos she's looking at. She looks at the photo of the blood drops found on floor, Case #00-398, Photo #36.)
(From this photo, she looks at another photo, #30. And another photo, #18.)
(CATHERINE doesn't like what she's seeing. She reaches for the magnifying glass to look again at Photo #18.)
(Quick flashback to: Cast in red light, MR. COLLINS steps out of the bedroom and is attacked from behind. MR. COLLINS falls to the floor in front of BRENDA'S bedroom door. JESSE OVERTON stabs MR. COLLINS repeatedly.)
(White flash to: JESSE carries the dripping knife down the hallway.)
(End of flashback. Resume to PHOTO #18.)
Catherine: Grissom.
(CATHERINE drops the magnifying glass and reaches for her cell phone.)
(There's a light knock on the door. CATHERINE looks up. A man carrying a file package walks in.)
Ted Goggle: Catherine Willows?
Catherine: Who's asking?
Ted Goggle: Ted Goggle. I'm with Family Services. Were you working the Collins' case?
Catherine: (sighs) You know, your department can't seem to get things straight. If you're looking for the little girl, she's already got a caseworker.
Ted Goggle: Actually, I'm inquiring about your little girl.
Catherine: My Lindsey? Why? What are you talking about?
Ted Goggle: Your husband, Eddie, filed a report. Says you neglected to pick her up after dance class last night. That you routinely neglect her for your job.
Catherine: (sighs) Is this Eddie's idea of a joke? What, are you in one of his bands?
Ted Goggle: I already made a field visit to your house. Here's the form.
(He hands her the form. She looks at it.)
Ted Goggle: Lindsey seems okay but there is going to be an investigation as to whether there was parental neglect. You're on notice.
(He leaves the garage.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOSPITAL - OUTSIDE X-RAY ROOM -- DAY]
(Standing outside the X-Ray room, GRISSOM'S phone rings. He answers it.)
Grissom: Grissom.
INTERCUT WITH:
Catherine: It's me. Something's off on the map.
Grissom: (from phone) Off? How?
Catherine: Uh ... I'm looking at dad's blood in the hall. I found an interesting drop. The droplet tells me that he wasn't running to the little girl's room.
Grissom: He was coming out of it?
Catherine: Yeah.
(Quick flashback to: MR. COLLINS coming out of BRENDA'S bedroom when he's being attacked.)
Catherine: (V.O.) I filled one of your holes, Grissom.
(JESSE gets up from over MR. COLLINS.)
Catherine: (V.O.) The father was killed first -- then the mother.
(JESSE carries the dripping knife down the hallway.)
Catherine: (V.O.) And the blood that we found in the hallway was from the knife.
(End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM.)
(CATHERINE shuts her phone off and throws it on the table in front of her. She picks up the Family Services form and looks at it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - BLACK ROOM -- DAY]
(SARA develops the photos. She flips it over and hangs it up. She and GRISSOM both look at the pictures.)
Sara: Damn it. Look at all those bruises.
Grissom: Somebody was all over this kid.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(GRISSOM and BRASS re-interviews TINA COLLINS.)
(Camera opens on the photos on the table in front of TINA.)
Grissom: We have forensic evidence that your father sexually abused your sister.
(TINA reaches out a hand and touches the photos in front of her.)
Grissom: We also know ... that he was in her room the night of the murders.
Tina Collins: How can you tell?
Grissom: Blood drops. They fall a certain way depending on the motion of the victim.
(TINA takes a deep breath, her eyes glued to the photos on the table.)
Grissom: Something horrible happened in that house, didn't it, Tina? Long before the night of the murders.
Tina Collins: That was the last night he was going to touch her.
Grissom: But why your mother? And why your brothers?
Tina Collins: (crying) Because they should have protected me.
Grissom: You?
Tina Collins: My father ...
(Quick flashback to: A YOUNG TINA COLLINS sitting on her bed. She looks up at her mother standing in the doorway to "TINA'S" room. She leaves and shuts the door.)
(In the mirror, we see her father in the room alone with TINA.)
(White flash to: The buffalo medallion on a chain around his neck.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Tina Collins: I was young. I learned to deal. But when he went for my daughter ...
Grissom: (realizing) Brenda is ... ? And who is ... ?
Tina Collins: The father? I was thirteen ... and nobody noticed that my clothes were getting bigger. Nice, huh? Brenda may hate me for what I did ... but I protected her. I did that much.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(SARA and BRENDA sit in the chairs in the hospital hallway. BRENDA clutches her pink stuffed bear to her.)
(After a moment, SARA reaches over, picks up BRENDA'S hand and holds it. BRENDA looks up at SARA. She gives her a small smile, then turns and looks back blankly out in front of her.)
(SARA continues to watch BRENDA.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT]
(CATHERINE closes her locker and leaves.))
Catherine: Night, guys.
Nick: (o.s.) See you, Cath.
Grissom: Good work.
(GRISSOM grabs his book and heads out. He passes NICK, who is sitting on the locker bench with an ice pack on his knuckles.)
Grissom: It'll be back to normal in 24 hours.
Nick: Normal would be nice.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS]
(GRISSOM walks through the hallway and glances inside the break room. He sees something, opens the door and walks in.)
[BREAK ROOM]
(GRISSOM picks up a red apple from the basket on the desk. He takes a bite and glances down at the table. He stops.)
(He leans forward, picks up the pencil on top of the folded newspaper and fills out an answer in the crossword puzzle. He puts the pencil down to leave the room.)
(He takes a bite of the apple and turns back around to glance at the newspaper. He gives up, takes out his glasses and puts them on. He sits down to finish the crossword puzzle.)
(In the hallway, WARRICK walks by and glances up. He smile when he sees GRISSOM working on the crossword puzzle.)
(Camera holds on GRISSOM working on the crossword puzzle.) | Plan: A: the sole survivors; Q: What is the relationship between the teenager and her sister? A: the gruesome murder; Q: What is the only thing that a teenager and her sister survived? A: a quiet suburban neighborhood; Q: Where was the murder of four members of a family? A: the crime; Q: What do Grissom and his team investigate? A: a bizarre cult murder; Q: What does the crime initially look like? Summary: When a teenager and her sister are the sole survivors of the gruesome murder of four members of one family in a quiet suburban neighborhood, Grissom and his entire team investigate the crime. What initially looks like a bizarre cult murder becomes more disturbing when they discover the motive behind the massacre. |
[ The apartment ]
Howard: So, how does this game work? I just throw it, like a real ball?
Leonard: Yeah, just nice and easy, right over the plate.
Howard: All right.
Raj: You suck, Wolowitz.
Howard: What's that about?
Raj: I'm heckling you. It's a beloved part of baseball.
Sheldon: He's right. And given that you're probably still waiting to be picked for a game that was played in fifth grade, I'm sure you do suck.
Penny: Hi. What's going on?
Leonard: Baseball.
Penny: Okay, this is not what I meant when I said go outside and play.
Leonard: He's practicing.
Penny: For what?
Howard: The Angels wanted an astronaut to throw out the first pitch, so guess who they called?
Penny: What, you? Really?
Howard: Well, a lot of people who weren't available, but then me.
Penny: That's so cool. Congratulations. I guess that makes you the athlete of the group.
Sheldon: Well, not just him. May I remind you that you're talking to the seeker, beater, chaser and water boy of the third place Griffith Park Quidditch team.
Penny: I know. Watching your boyfriend run around with a broomstick between his legs isn't something you forget.
Leonard: C'mon now, throw one.
Howard: All right, here we go.
Raj: You look like a jackass.
Howard: Cut it out. You're hurting my feelings.
Leonard: Now you know why we're not outside.
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ We built the Wall ♪
[SCENE_BREAK]
We built the pyramids
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ That all started with a big bang ♪
[SCENE_BREAK]
Bang!
[SCENE_BREAK]
♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x03 ♪
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The stairwell ]
Sheldon: Did you enjoy my lecture?
Amy: No, and neither did our waiter.
Sheldon: Well, if you're going to serve Cornish game hen, you should either be familiar with the history of Cornwall or be prepared to learn it.
Amy: It's hard to argue with that. And I know because I saw a sad man with a pepper mill desperately try and fail.
Penny: Hey, how was dinner?
Sheldon: Good, I had Cornish game hen.
Leonard: Oh, that poor waiter.
Amy: Sheldon, how about tomorrow night we see a movie?
Penny: You guys are going out two nights in a row?
Sheldon: I missed a number of date nights while I was on my train trip, and I'm contractually obligated to make them up under the terms of the Relationship Agreement.
Penny: That's so hot.
Amy: It's better than hot, it's binding.
Sheldon: If you're free tomorrow night, I'd love to have you join us on a double date.
Penny: Aw.
Amy: You are aware that a double date doesn't count as two dates.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, then come or don't. I don't care.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Howard and Bernadette's apartment ]
Bernadette: I can't believe you're sore.
Howard: Hey, even professional pitchers need a rubdown after the game.
Bernadette: But they throw an actual ball. You were throwing air at a TV.
Howard: For your information, I also gave Leonard one hell of a high five.
Bernadette: I'm kind of surprised you agreed to do this in front of a stadium full of people.
Howard: They're doing Space Day and NASA asked me. I felt like I couldn't say no.
Bernadette: Okay. Well, if you want, I could help you practice. I played a lot of softball growing up.
Howard: Thank you, that would be great.
Bernadette: Great. And while we're at it, maybe we could butch up your run for when you head out to the mound.
Howard: What's wrong with the way I run?
Bernadette: Oh, just kidding. Nothing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Penny's apartment ]
Penny: Sheldon, I'm surprised you'd choose to go to a pub.
Sheldon: At our committee meeting, Amy made a motion for a picnic in a park, but I tacked so many amendments on that thing it sank like a lead balloon.
Amy: I then suggested a pub.
Sheldon: Yeah, which I was initially sceptical of until I saw online that they serve Yorkshire pudding.
Leonard: You don't even like Yorkshire pudding.
Sheldon: No, it's yucky, but informing people about the history of Yorkshire is yummy, yum-yum.
Amy: After a lively debate, that proposal passed by a two-zero margin.
Leonard: Nice to see a busy couple keep the spark of bureaucracy alive.
Sheldon: Ignore them, Amy. They're just jealous because they'll never have a relationship as good as ours.
Penny: Isn't this when he says bazooka or something?
Sheldon: I wasn't making a joke, I was merely stating fact. Amy and I have a superior relationship to yours.
Leonard: You don't honestly think that, do you?
Sheldon: Leonard, I assumed you knew. The ranking of relationships in our circle by quality is me and Amy, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his girlfriend, Penny and Chardonnay, Penny and you.
Leonard: There isn't any ranking. And if there were, we wouldn't be at the bottom of it.
Penny: Yeah, and actually, I drink Sauvignon Blanc.
Leonard: That's the part you have a problem with?
Penny: Relax.
Amy: There they go, fighting again. You'd never hear her talk that way to Sauvignon Blanc.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ A gymnasium ]
Raj: So you never played baseball as a kid, not even Little League?
Howard: Well, I was going to, but the day of tryouts I found my dad's Playboy collection. Threw my arm out.
Bernadette: All right, the pitcher's mound in Major League Baseball is sixty feet, six inches away from home plate.
Howard: Great. You take this and say when to stop. How much further?
Bernadette: Keep going.
Howard: How about now?
Bernadette: I'll let you know.
Howard: Are you saying stop and we're just too far away to hear you?
Bernadette: Okay, stop.
Howard: Are you kidding me?!
Bernadette: That's sixty feet.
Howard: There's no way this is sixty feet.
Bernadette: I'm looking at it.
Howard: You realize this isn't one of those times I want you to exaggerate how long something is.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Amy's car ]
Leonard: Okay, I got to, I, I, I, I got to ask. What makes you think that your relationship is so wonderful and ours isn't?
Sheldon: For starters, we enjoy spending time together.
Leonard: So do we. And I've seen you guys ignore each other for hours doing totally different things.
Sheldon: It's called parallel play.
Leonard: Yeah, toddlers do that.
Sheldon: Not as well as we do.
Leonard: You believe this guy? He has to be the best at everything.
Penny: So what? Why do you even care?
Sheldon: Oh, listen to them. Not even married and the honeymoon's over.
Leonard: Whatever. You can't even go on a date without checking your relationship agreement.
Sheldon: If you've got a problem basing a relationship on a contract, I'd like to tell you about 13 plucky colonies that entered a relationship agreement called the U.S. Constitution. And it may not be cool to say so, but I think that love affair is still pretty hot today.
Amy: It's a good thing I'm not wearing flag underwear right now, 'cause there's about to be a fire.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The gym ]
Bernadette: Okay, it's not that hard. You just look to where you want to throw it, step towards where you want to throw, and throw it.
Howard: That's your help? That's like saying here's how you fly a plane, get in the airplane, know where you want to go and fly it.
Bernadette: Just throw the ball. Let's see what we're working with.
Raj: Come on Howard, fire it in.
Bernadette: Throw the damn ball!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The pub ]
Amy: So when do you guys plan on getting married?
Penny: Uh, we're not sure. But I want to wait long enough to prove to my mother I'm not pregnant.
Sheldon: May I have one of your fries?
Amy: Of course. Can I have a bite of your burger?
Sheldon: Absolutely not.
Leonard: Some perfect couple. He won't even share his food with her.
Sheldon: It has avocado on it. She's allergic to avocado. Are you so jealous of our relationship you want Amy to die?
Leonard: I'm not jealous. I just think it's silly for you to compare relationships like they're something that can be quantified.
Sheldon: Everything is quantifiable. That French fry? A seven. Spider-Man? A nine. The number nine? Oddly, only a four.
Leonard: How ridiculous is he?
Penny: A hundred.
Leonard: Sheldon, you're just assigning random numbers to things based on your opinion.
Sheldon: No, I'm not. French fries have three variables, crispiness, saltiness and shape. Which is why a curly fry only gets a two. If I wanted curls for dinner, I'd order a clown wig.
Penny: Well, a relationship is more complicated than a French fry.
Sheldon: Not according to the work of Berscheid, Snyder and Omoto.
Penny: Oh, what did those rascals do now?
Amy: They developed the Relationship Closeness Inventory, which predicts the stability of a couple based on behaviour.
Sheldon: Yeah, not to be confused with the French Fry Goodness Inventory. That's pure Cooper.
Leonard: So, this is accurate?
Sheldon: It's been around for 25 years, and has been extensively corroborated by other researchers.
Penny: Well, kind of takes the romance out of relationships.
Sheldon: Kind of? It does it perfectly.
Amy: Sheldon and I got an eight-point-two out of ten.
Leonard: Fine. We'll take it right now.
Penny: No, don't.
Leonard: What?
Penny: Just don't take it.
Leonard: Why not?
Penny: 'Cause it's stupid. Who cares what number it is?
Leonard: Come on. It'll be fun.
Penny: I said I don't want you to. I'm getting another drink.
Leonard: Sorry.
Amy: I'm gonna let you count this as two dates. They're a lot of work.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The gym ]
Bernadette: Think he's getting any better?
Raj: Yup.
Howard: That was a close one.
Bernadette: Okay.
Raj: Is it too late for him to cancel?
Bernadette: I think so.
Howard: Heads up! Watch out!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The pub ]
Leonard: Are you mad at me?
Penny: No, stop being stupid.
Leonard: Um, whew? Is this about the test, or is this about us?
Penny: Look, I don't need a score on a test to make me worry about something I'm already worried about.
Leonard: What are you worried about?
Penny: That we're engaged and have nothing in common, and it scares me.
Leonard: Yeah, that scares me, too.
Penny: It does?
Leonard: Sometimes.
Penny: Well, that's not good. You being blindly infatuated with me was the rock we were building this relationship on.
Leonard: Okay, well, this might make you feel better. Uh, we're both scared that our marriage will be a disaster, and so, that's something that we have in common. Also, we both think I'm not funny. Huh? See, you're not laughing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Howard and Bernadette's apartment ]
Mike (on Skype): Hey, Froot Loops, what's up?
Howard: Hey, Mike. Listen, NASA asked me to throw out the first pitch at an Angels game. You got any advice?
Mike: Yeah. Don't do it. What else you up to?
Howard: Why shouldn't I do it?
Mike: There's no upside. If you do well, no one cares. And if you screw up, you're an idiot on YouTube forever.
Howard: But it's for a good cause. What about all the kids that'll be there?
Mike: That's what I'm telling you. Kids are the worst. My own daughter tweeted I have a giant nose.
Howard: Well, maybe I'll do a good job.
Mike: I don't know. In space, you couldn't even toss me a pen, and that was in zero gravity.
Howard: Okay, thanks for the pep talk.
Mike: Anytime, Froot Loops. Give your wife a hug for me. She's so much cuter than you, I don't know how you ever got her.
Bernadette: He's so nice.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ The pub ]
Penny: Hey, sorry about that.
Amy: No, we're sorry. We never should have been comparing relationships in the first place.
Sheldon: Why? We won. You know, I say, next, we take on Koothrappali and his dog. Really give ourselves a challenge.
Leonard: I just want to say one more thing about this. Just because Penny and I are very different people does not mean that we're a bad couple.
Sheldon: The answer is one simple test away. Hmm? You know, it's like when I thought there was a possum in my closet. Did I sit around wondering? No, I sent Leonard in with a pointy stick and a bag.
Leonard: I killed his Chewbacca slippers.
Penny: Let's just take the test.
Leonard: No, no, no, I don't want to.
Penny: Oh, well, 'cause you know we're gonna do bad.
Leonard: Because it doesn't matter. I don't care if we're a ten or a two.
Sheldon: Or a one. A one is possible.
Leonard: Marriage is scary. You're scared, I'm scared. But it doesn't make me not want to do it. It, it just makes me want to hold your hand and do it with you.
Penny: Leonard.
Amy: It would make me so happy if you said things like that.
Sheldon: We got an eight-point-two. Trust me, you're happy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Angels Stadium ]
Raj: Mmm, I love how they put a waterfall at centre field. It really ties the whole stadium together.
Penny: Look at you, talking sports.
Leonard: This is fun, huh? We get to see our friend throw out the first pitch, have a hot dog, watch the game.
Sheldon: Whoa. Nobody said anything about watching the game.
Amy: Sheldon, what did you expect?
Sheldon: I expected to see Howard throw the baseball, finish my hot dog, and hightail it across the street to Disneyland just in time for Mickey's Soundsational Parade.
Amy: I'll tell you what. If we stay, I'll buy you cotton candy and a bobblehead.
Sheldon: Who's the bobblehead of?
Amy: Does it matter?
Sheldon: No, as long as it bobbles.
Bernadette: Howie, I am so proud of you.
Howard: Thanks. I'm proud of me, too.
Man: You ready?
Howard: Let's do it.
Man: All right.
Howard: Wish me luck.
Bernadette: Go get 'em.
Stadium Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, in honour of Space Day at Angel Stadium, the first pitch will be thrown out by NASA astronaut Howard Wolowitz.
Howard: Thank you. Thank you.
Penny: Can he really throw a ball?
Leonard: On our Quidditch team, he...
Penny: Yeah, that's a no.
Howard: I have a message for the young people here today. When I was asked to throw the first pitch, a little voice in my head said I couldn't do it. So, I practiced and practiced, and you know what? That little voice was right, but then I remembered that I'm not an athlete. I'm a scientist. So, today's first pitch will be delivered to home plate by science. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I present to you a working prototype of the Mars Rover. And here's the wind-up, and the pitch.
Bernadette: Why is it going so slow?
Howard: 'Cause I'm an idiot who didn't think this through.
Sheldon: Okay, new plan. We go to Disneyland, play hide and seek on Tom Sawyer's Island, and then come back and see the end of the pitch.
Howard: Okay, while we're waiting for the ball to arrive, here's some fun facts about Mars.
Man in Crowd: You suck, Wolowitz!
Sheldon: He makes a valid point.
(crowd booing)
Howard: Okay, booing isn't gonna make it go any faster. | Plan: A: the LA Angels of Anaheim; Q: What baseball team does Howard throw out the first pitch for? A: an astronaut; Q: What is Howard dressed as for the first pitch? A: Space Day; Q: What is the theme of the baseball game that Howard is asked to throw out the first pitch for? A: home plate; Q: What part of the field does Howard fail to reach despite practicing? A: the ball; Q: What does Howard use a Mars rover to deliver? A: the grass; Q: What does the Mars rover move slowly across? A: Earlier Sheldon; Q: Who tells Amy that she should trust him? A: Sheldon; Q: Who tells Amy that she should trust him that she is already happy because of their test score? A: Amy; Q: Who wishes Sheldon would say romantic things to her? A: Leonard; Q: Who wants to take the test, but Penny refuses? A: a pub; Q: Where did Penny and Leonard go on a double date? A: the Shamy relationship; Q: What relationship did Sheldon say was the stronger of the two? A: 10; Q: What is the maximum score for a scientific test of a couple's compatibility? A: a scientific test; Q: What is used to measure a couple's compatibility? A: his resolve; Q: What does Leonard say the test strengthens? A: Leonard's commitment; Q: What does Penny find overwhelming about Leonard? Summary: Howard is asked to throw out the first pitch at a baseball game for the LA Angels of Anaheim, as an astronaut, to celebrate Space Day. Despite practicing, he cannot reach home plate. At the game Howard decides to use a prototype of the Mars rover to deliver the ball, but the Rover moves so slowly across the grass to deliver the ball that Howard is booed by the crowd and his friends in the stands. Earlier Sheldon and Amy are joined by Penny and Leonard on a double date at a pub, and are baffled when Sheldon says the Shamy relationship is the stronger of the two, because they scored an 8.2 out of 10 on a scientific test used to measure a couple's compatibility. Leonard wants to take the test, but Penny refuses, worried that she and Leonard have nothing in common even though they are engaged. Leonard admits he shares this fear, but says it only strengthens his resolve that they can face it together. Penny is overwhelmed by Leonard's commitment, while Amy wishes Sheldon would say romantic things like that to her. Sheldon tells her that she should trust him that she is already happy because of their test score. |
ACT ONE
Scene One - Café Nervosa Frasier is seated at a table. Niles comes in.
Niles: Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, Niles!
Niles: [to counter waiter] Double latte, full fat, chocolate shavings.
Frasier: Ah, the self-pity special.
Niles turns to Frasier's table and starts wiping down the other chair.
Niles: I've had a hellish week. To top it all off, old Reggie Belknap, the president of our wine club, kicked the bucket. The man's body was not even properly chilled before the club jackals began angling to succeed him. You've never seen such vicious, cutthroat conniving!
Frasier: Who's winning?
Niles: Well, Maris, of course, but just barely. Matthew Pym tried to stage a coup! Fortunately, Maris has photos she took at his wedding - photos that clearly show the label on the champagne he served.
Frasier: Domestic?
Niles: Oh-ho-ho-ho, not just domestic. From... Connecticut.
Niles sees Bebe Glaser enter the Café and hang up her coat.
Niles: Oh dear, don't turn around. It's that dreadful woman who works for you.
Frasier: Who?
Niles: Um, uh... Lady MacBeth without the sincerity?
Frasier: Oh! Oh, Bebe's here! Oh, yes. [stands and pulls up another chair] Now, listen Niles, I care for her just as little as you do, but she is a terrific agent, which is why I overlook the fact that she's pushy and obnoxious and the most appalling phony I've ever known. [turns around] Bebe, darling, how are you!
Frasier and Bebe throw their arms open and kiss each other's cheeks. They sit at the table.
Bebe: My poor wounded baby! I just heard what those misers you work for are trying to do to you! Well, don't you worry, they're not going to get away with it!
Frasier: Well, you must have heard wrong, Bebe. They extended my contract for another year with an eight-percent raise.
Bebe: Eight percent? That would insult even a waiter! [to a passing waiter] Double cappuccino - move it!
Frasier: Well, Bebe, that is what my contract calls for.
Bebe: A slave contract you negotiated two years ago before you even had an agent! They took advantage of your inexperience.
Frasier: I thought it was a very generous offer.
Bebe: Oh please, do you have any idea how hot you are? I get offers every day from other stations, offering the moon for you!
Frasier: Good lord, am I really that hot?
Bebe: Are you kidding? If I were a pot roast... I'd be done.
Niles: Hello, I'm Niles, a person at the table.
Bebe shakes his hand and heaves a sigh of relief.
Bebe: Niles, thank God you're here! Back me up, give him some sound brotherly advice.
Niles: She's the Devil, Frasier. Run fast, run far.
Niles gets up to get some sugar.
Frasier: Listen Bebe, I realize that the station is making a handsome profit on my show, but what can I do? I do have a contract.
Bebe: No, darling, what you have is a... fever.
Frasier: What?
She puts her hand on his forehead. The waiter brings her cappuccino.
Bebe: Ooh, you're like a furnace!
Frasier: Well, you know, I-I think I see where you're going with this, Bebe, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
Bebe: Well, how do you feel about being one of the lowest paid personalities at the station?
Frasier: Who makes more?
Bebe: Who doesn't? Nanette from "Pet Chat," The Happy Chef - oh, for heaven's sakes, Father Mike could buy and sell you!
Frasier: Father Mike? He took a vow of poverty!
Bebe: Well, now he's taking a cruise.
Niles sits back down. Bebe puts her hand on Frasier's chest.
Bebe: Oh, that big strapping chest of yours is all congested. You just say the word, and I'll tell the station you have some coughing up to do... and so do they.
Frasier: Bebe, this fever of mine... how much higher do you think it might go?
Bebe: I'm guessing... thirty to forty percent above where it is now.
Niles: Forty percent?
Frasier: Well, what can I say but, uh... Ah-choo!
Bebe grins. Niles offers Frasier his handkerchief.
Frasier: No, thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FRASIER CRANE, MAMBO KING
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment Frasier, dressed in a casual striped shirt - no tie - is sitting on the couch next to Daphne, who is watching a daytime soap opera. Martin is reading the paper in his Armchair.
On the TV:
Man: Child, you wanted me to make you pregnant!
Woman: I was in a coma, you might have waited.
Frasier: My God, let's see, they've got Sky, Zena, and Slate.
Daphne: I don't think someone called Frasier should be pointing any fingers.
Frasier: Is this how you spend your days when I'm not at home?
Daphne: Not quite. When you're not home I can bloody well hear what they're saying.
Frasier: Oh, you wouldn't want to miss a line of this dialogue. "Oh, Zirconia, can't you see Stone doesn't love you? He loves Placenta!"
Daphne turns off the TV and goes to the kitchen.
Martin: My favorite are the villains. They have one guy on here who kicked his grandmother down the stairs, embezzled money from a children's hospital, and poisoned a puppy.
Frasier laughs.
Martin: Give him credit, though, he did show up for work every day.
Frasier: Oh dear, Dad, if you're going to be so devilishly subtle, how will I ever get your point?
Martin: All right, well, call me old-fashioned. I think that when you sign a contract, you stick to it. A man's only as good as his word.
Frasier: Yes, well, my words have doubled the station's ad revenues All they've shown me for thanks is a measly eight-percent raise!
Martin: Oh, so what? In thirty years on the police force, you think I ever went to the sergeant and said, "Hey, I'm shooting way more bad guys than I thought I would, how about a bonus?"
The doorbell rings. Frasier gets up from the couch.
Frasier: Dad, you don't understand, this is show business-
Daphne: I'll get it.
Frasier: Thank you, Daphne. [to Martin] You see, we do things differently. Negotiations are like a, are like a dance. They expect me to fight my contract. They know I'm not sick. I know they know I'm not sick. They know I know they know I'm not sick. It's all part of the negotiations mambo.
Daphne opens the door to Roz.
Daphne: Hello, Roz.
Roz: Hi, Daphne.
Martin: Hi, Roz.
Roz: Hey, Martin.
Frasier: Roz, how goes things at the front?
Roz: Well, for starters, they've painted over your name on your parking space.
Frasier: Perfect!
Daphne: What?
Frasier: No, Bebe told me they might do that. It's part of a negotiation tactic, it shows that they're getting nervous.
Roz: Well, they must be really jittery then, because they took your picture out of the lobby.
Frasier: Roz, Roz, they're just trying to scare me.
Martin: [getting up] And he knows they're trying to scare him, and they know that he knows they're trying to scare him, he knows that they know that he knows-
Frasier: Thank you, Dad! [to Roz] They're just bluffing, it's like a card game.
Martin: Like a card game, it's like a dance - the whole thing sounds like a weekend in Vegas.
Martin goes to his room.
Roz: You know, I would have thought they'd play games too, Frasier. But they started auditioning people to replace you.
Frasier: They're interviewing people?
Roz: All day. And they're really hot on this woman who has some gardening show. She calls herself "Ma Nature." I can't work for her, Frasier, you should see her nails.
The doorbell rings again.
Frasier: Well, there's no need to panic, Roz. I'm sure it's all part of the dance.
Daphne opens the door to Mike, an intern from the station, who is carrying a cardboard box.
Mike: Hi, Dr. Crane. The station sent me over with your stuff. Sorry.
Frasier: Oh my God, they've cleaned out my cubicle? Listen, Mike, you're up on all the gossip - I mean, they're just bluffing, right?
Mike: I hope not. My audition went really well.
He hands the box to Daphne and leaves. As he goes, Bebe steps off the elevator with a bouquet of flowers.
Bebe: Nurse Bebe reporting for duty! Blossoms for my little shut- in! [drops them on top of the box in Daphne's arm] Put these in something.
Frasier and Bebe kiss each other's cheeks.
Frasier: Oh, Bebe, Bebe, have you heard what's going on? They've cleaned out my cubicle, they're auditioning other people-
Bebe: Marvelous! They're resorting to cheap scare tactics! Looks like I was right to bring this along. [takes a bottle of champagne from her purse and holds it out to Daphne] Chill that.
Daphne, who's still laden with the box and the flowers, grits her teeth and takes the bottle.
Bebe: Darling, you're looking a little pale. Don't tell me these amateur theatrics are actually worrying you?
By now, Frasier can no longer conceal his agitation.
Frasier: Well, no, no, but the stress of not worrying is starting to get to me. I don't know if I can take much more of this!
Bebe: Oh darling, if that's the way you feel, then fine! Let's get this over with!
She picks up the phone. Frasier sighs with relief.
Roz: Oh Frasier, it's for the best. Really, trust me on this one.
Bebe: [into phone] Tom Duran, please. Bebe Glaser calling. [winks at Frasier] Tom? Bebe's bored! [Frasier's eyes bulge] You've huffed, and you've puffed, but our house is still standing! We're giving you a midnight deadline! Either call us here at Frasier's and tell us you'll renegotiate, or we'll walk! Love ya.
She hangs up. Frasier is apoplectic.
Bebe: There. That should make them sweat, don't you think?
Frasier: [wiping his own brow] It might!
Bebe: Well, it's all over but the waiting. Canasta, anyone? [takes a pack of cards from her purse and hands them to Daphne] Shuffle these.
Daphne, who has just finished putting the flowers in water, has had just about enough.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment It's almost midnight. Roz has left. Martin is reading the paper in his Armchair. Bebe sits at the dinner table playing solitaire. Eddie sits in a chair, watching her. Frasier paces the apartment with a glass of scotch.
Frasier: Eleven forty-five. Oh, God. It's over. They've made the decision, it's over. Well, it was a fun run while it lasted, eh, Seattle? [opens the balcony door] This is Dr. Frasier Crane! And I was listening!
Daphne, smiling sweetly, comes out of the kitchen with a tea tray.
Daphne: Here we are! One cup of tea - half Darjeeling, half Chamomile, skim milk, a packet of sweetener - oh, and I thought you might enjoy a nice fat-free tea biscuit. Will there be anything else?
Bebe: No. You run along, I'm fine.
Daphne: You're sure now? Because I could wait until you finish the biscuit and floss your teeth for you.
Bebe: You are a cheeky little monkey, aren't you? [bites the tea biscuit] This cookie tastes like meat!
Daphne: Yes, and it'll remove tartar, and give you a nice, shiny coat.
She tosses another biscuit to Eddie and exits, triumphant. Bebe disgustedly tosses the rest of hers to Eddie.
Martin: Well, I think I'm gonna hit the hay too.
Bebe: That's awfully risky of you, isn't it? Leaving us kids out here un-chaperoned?
Martin: Better him than me.
Martin exits, followed by Eddie. Frasier sinks onto the couch. Bebe leans over behind him and massages his shoulders.
Bebe: Why are you so tense? This is the best part! What could be more fun than this?
Frasier: Oh, watching a loved one be autopsied?
Bebe: Think of them sweating in their offices - chain-smoking, biting their nails, their ulcers churning out enough acid to burn a hole in a ship's hull! [orgasmic] Ooh, God! And to think I nearly went into nursing.
Frasier: Oh, you're right, Bebe, you're right! My God, if they're foolish enough to let me go, well then, fine! There are any number of other stations that would love to have Frasier Crane on board!
Bebe: Exactly!
Frasier: Yes. But you know, in fact, I think it's time maybe we discussed those other offers, consider what our fallback position should be.
Bebe: Ooh, someone's out of Scotch!
She picks up his glass and takes it to the bar.
Frasier: Bebe... tell me there are other offers.
Bebe: Scads!
Frasier: Now you look me in the eye and tell me the truth!
Bebe: [looks him in the eye] There are no other offers. Straight up, or on the rocks?
Frasier: [breaking down] Oh my God!
She hands him his drink and sits back down to her solitaire game.
Bebe: Darling, you can't make a deal without bluffing a little!
Frasier: You're supposed to bluff them, not me! My God, woman, are you trying to ruin me?!
Bebe: You are such a worrywart!
Frasier grabs her by the arms, pulls her out of her chair and pushes her toward the phone.
Frasier: Now don't you patronize me, you sweet-talking succubus! You get on the phone and call them!
Bebe: Ooh my God, Hands of Hercules! What must your legs be like?
Frasier is speechless - then the phone rings.
Frasier: Answer it.
Bebe: Not yet. [rings a second time] Where are we? Have we gone out? [rings a third time] Is it too late?
Frasier: ANSWER IT!
Bebe: [picks up] Crane residence, Bebe Glaser speaking. [whispers] It's them. [into phone] I see. I see. Fine.
She hangs up. Frasier can barely speak.
Frasier: Well?
Bebe: Renegotiations tomorrow, starting from scratch!
Frasier collapses with relief. Bebe takes the champagne bottle from an ice bucket on the coffee table.
Frasier: Oh! Oh, dear God! Oh, we did it! Oh my God, I'm so pleased. Thank you, Bebe.
Bebe: Maybe next time you'll trust little Bebe.
Frasier: Yes, oh, I'm so sorry, you're right, I underestimated you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for that horrible outburst and for grabbing you the way I did.
Bebe: Don't be. I was impressed. It was manly in a... hysterical sort of way.
She pours two glasses and hands him one.
Bebe: Cheers.
Frasier: Champagne, on top of scotch? Oh, what the hell.
Bebe: To a beautiful partnership.
Frasier: No, no - to a remarkable agent. [they clink glasses and sip] What Bebe wants, Bebe gets. When will I ever learn that?
Bebe: Soon enough, dear.
She entwines her arm around his, and they sip again.
Bebe: Soon enough.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Scene Four - Frasier's Apartment Frasier lies asleep on the couch in his dressing gown. Eddie is perched on the couch above him, staring at him. The room is strewn with discarded shoes, Kleenex, Alka-Seltzer, and several bottles of champagne.
Martin comes out, sees Frasier, and peels open one of his eyelids. Frasier starts awake.
Martin: Sorry, Eddie, he's still alive. You're not gonna get your own room after all.
Frasier: Oh God...
Martin: How're you feeling?
Frasier: How do I look?
Martin: Last time I saw a guy who looked like you, he'd been in the trunk of a car at the airport for a month.
Martin goes to the door to get the paper. Daphne comes out.
Daphne: Good morning! [sees the bottles] My goodness! Christened a few ships last night, I see.
Frasier: The station agreed to renegotiate.
Martin: Oh, all right!
Daphne: Oh, marvelous!
Frasier: Yes, they called around five to midnight... and Bebe and I had some champagne to celebrate, and then... and then... Oh, God.
Bebe: Morning, Doctor.
Bebe appears from the hall. She's wearing Frasier's shirt from the night before, and nothing else except her underwear, heels, and a dreamy smile. The sight and sound is enough to make Martin yelp and stumble backwards, nearly dropping the paper.
Frasier: [in a small, frightened voice] Somebody hold me.
Bebe: I hope you don't mind, but I didn't see a robe, and your shirt looked so nice and big and warm - just like you.
Martin: Well, I think I'll go in the other room and eat my breakfast - while I still can!
Daphne: I'd better go cook for him. I know how the Crane men like their legs. [off Bebe's sharp look] - eggs!
Daphne and Martin exit to the kitchen.
Bebe: I think they're a little shocked!
Frasier: Well, I'm, I'm a little surprised myself.
Bebe: Oh, let's not kid ourselves. We both knew this would happen someday.
Frasier: We did?
Bebe: The signs were all there - the glances, the furtive smiles...
The more amorous Bebe gets, the more agitated Frasier gets.
Frasier: Uh, you know what would really hit the spot right now?
Bebe: My God, you're a machine!
Frasier: [gesturing "No, not that!"] Coffee! I meant coffee.
He moves toward the kitchen. The doorbell rings.
Bebe: I'll get it.
Frasier: Oh no no no, that's not necessary-
Too late. Bebe opens the door to Niles.
Bebe: Good morning, Niles! What a lovely surprise! We were just about to sit down to a big family breakfast. Won't you join us?
Niles stares for a second, then tries to bypass her by emphatically pressing the doorbell again.
Frasier: Come on in, Niles, it's all right. He ushers Niles in. Bebe closes the door and snuggles against his back.
Frasier: We were celebrating. You see, the station called to renegotiate my contract.
Niles: Ah. Paid your commission up-front, I see.
Bebe: It's getting late, I'd better go freshen up. Save me a muffin, Muffin!
She kisses his cheek and goes back to the hall. Niles is silent.
Frasier: Oh, all right, just go ahead, get your shots in!
Niles: No, no. I'm just glad your all right. I would have assumed she killed after mating.
Martin and Daphne come out of the kitchen with breakfast.
Martin: Is she gone?
Frasier: No, Dad, she's-she's changing. Oh my God, how did this happen?
Niles: You're asking us?
Frasier: Oh, I've got to talk with her, I've got to tell her this was all just a mistake.
Daphne: Well, you'd better be careful how you let her down. She's liable to go nuts - like in that movie - then sneak in here and try to boil Eddie!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[N.B. - "Fatal Attraction."]
Martin: Well, look, we'll clear out of here and give you a little privacy.
Frasier: No, no, no, Dad, I can't tell her right now. She's about to go down there and renegotiate my contract. I'll tell her later.
Martin: Oh, that's a good idea - wait till she makes you a bunch of money, then on top of breaking her heart you can make her feel really used.
Daphne: Sounds like a plan to me.
Bebe: [o.s.] Darling!
Niles: We'll leave you to your happy task.
Daphne, Niles, and Martin exit to the kitchen. As they go, Martin signals to Frasier, urging him to get it over with. Bebe comes out dressed in her suit.
Bebe: Cancel that muffin. Bebe just started a diet - Wink! Besides, tonight we're dining at Bernardi's. It's sinfully expensive, but I think after contract talks we can afford it!
Frasier: Uh, Bebe-
Bebe: Yeeeeessss?
Frasier: Bebe, um, I don't think there are any words to describe what we shared last night...
Bebe: It was like... Greco-Roman wrestling on a trampoline.
Frasier: You see, I- as magical as it was, I -I don't think it's the kind of thing we should let happen again.
Bebe: [laughing] Ooh!
Frasier: Well, you see, I value you too much as a colleague to do anything that might jeopardize that relationship.
Beat.
Bebe: [smile disappears] I see.
Frasier: Oh, you're upset.
Bebe: No, I'm sure we both would have realized it was a mistake sooner or later. Personally, I was hoping for later but I suppose sooner's is best.
Frasier: It is, it really is.
Bebe: I'd better dash, I'll call you after the meeting.
Bebe leaves. Frasier notices Eddie staring at him.
Frasier: Oh, like you never crawled under the wrong fence once in your life!
[SCENE_BREAK]
IT'S LIKE SWAN LAKE, ONLY DEEPER
Scene Five - Café Nervosa Frasier and Niles are seated at a table.
Niles: Disaster again. Maris's little wine club had an outing at a local vineyard. As the new president, she had the honor of being first into the stomping vat. You can imagine her humiliation when she danced herself into a barefoot fury and was unable to break even a single grape.
Frasier, distracted, doesn't reply.
Niles: Frasier, have you heard a word I've said?
Frasier: Of course not, Niles. I'm still worried about Bebe.
Niles: I thought you said she took it well.
Frasier: Well, she did, but you know how it is with strong women. Sometimes their strength masks their vulnerability. Well, let's face it. Once a woman has dipped her toe into Crane Lake, dry land is never the same again.
Niles: Yes, she's probably home in her room writing "Mrs. Bebe Crane" over and over in the margin of her algebra book.
Roz comes in.
Frasier: You can make light of this if you want to, but it is entirely possible that I broke that woman's heart!
Roz: Who? Whose heart did you break?
Frasier: No one! [Niles opens his mouth] Niles, be quiet!
Roz: Oh, come on, Frasier! I'm gonna figure it out sooner or later. Come on, give me a clue, just one, that's all I need.
Bulldog tears into the Café.
Bulldog: Doc! Doc! Come quick! Bebe's out on the ledge of our building, she's threatening to jump!
Frasier: Oh my God! This is all my fault!
Frasier gets up and follows Bulldog out.
Roz: Wait! Just give me a hint!
Roz runs after them. Niles gets up to follow, but a waiter sticks him with the check.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - Tom's Office The KACL station manager's office. Bebe is standing on the window ledge. Tom Duran (last seen in [2.03], "The Matchmaker") is leaning out the window, trying to talk her in.
Tom: Bebe, please...
Bebe: [hysterical] Get away from me!
Frasier pushes his way into the office, followed by Roz and Bulldog.
Frasier: What happened?
Tom: I don't know. We were working on your deal, and she just burst into tears. I went out to get some water for her. When I came back, she's standing out there, sobbing that she doesn't want to live!
Frasier goes to the window and gently sticks his head out.
Frasier: Bebe, it's Frasier. Please come in.
Bebe: [hysterical] It's no good! My life is over!
Bulldog pulls Frasier back in.
Bulldog: You got to save her, Doc. My contract's up in six weeks, she's my agent too.
Frasier starts to remove his jacket and tie.
Frasier: All right, I'm going out there.
Roz: Are you nuts? That's nine stories down! You know what a drop like that would do to you?
Frasier: No, Roz, why don't you toss a pumpkin out the window so I have a clear image just before I try?!
Tom: Why don't we just wait for the police?
Frasier: No, no! No, that woman out there needs me. Bebe, I'm coming out.
He slowly climbs out onto the ledge. Bebe edges away.
Bebe: Don't come any closer! I'll jump!
Frasier: Bebe, please-
Bebe: No, you can't help me! No one can help me!
Frasier: I'm not worth doing this over. Look, there'll be other men. It may take time, but you'll get over me.
Bebe: [normal voice] Well, somebody certainly thinks well of himself.
Frasier: What?
Bebe: Darling, this isn't about us! It's just a little bargaining tactic.
Frasier's jaw drops with horror.
Bebe: I threaten to jump, you talk me down, major coverage - bang, your price goes up twenty percent! [hysterical] My life is meaningless! [normal] Talk to me, darling, talk to me!
Frasier: Are you out of your mind? Now listen, you're coming in, you're coming in right now!
Bebe: [hysterical] Get away from me! You can't talk me out of this! [normal] At least not until Channel Five gets here. Now come on, dear, make like a therapist!
Frasier: God, you are out of your mind! You-you need help, you should be in therapy!
Bebe: That's good, but louder. [hysterical] Give me one reason to live! Just one!
She pauses, and gives him a look that says "Well, come on!" Frasier tries playing along.
Frasier: [shouting] There are... hundreds of reasons! Work! Art! The people who care about you! [lowers voice] Now come in, you crazy bitch!
Bebe just gives him a look. Frasier cringes - he's just seen the face of the Devil. A helicopter approaches the building.
Bebe: Channel Five, come to Mama! Okay, dear. Full coverage -
now here's the plan: I swoon forward, you reach out and catch me.
Frasier: What?
Bebe: On three. One, two...
Frasier: No!
Bebe: THREE!
Bebe throws herself forward. Frasier lunges to catch her. Everyone in the office screams. Frasier teeters dangerously on the ledge for a second, then pulls Bebe back to the window with his arms around her waist. She flashes a grin at the helicopter.
Bebe: Film at eleven.
Frasier: Oh, God... Oh God... just get in.
Bebe climbs inside, followed by Frasier.
Roz: Oh, Bebe, are you all right?
Bebe: [shaken] Yes... I'm fine now.
Roz: Bulldog, get her some water. You want to sit down?
Bulldog exits. Roz and Tom sit Bebe down in a chair. She looks over at Frasier.
Bebe: Thank you, Frasier. You saved my life.
Tom: That was incredible, Frasier. Look, uh, I know we've got some unfinished business. But, rest assured, after this, there's no way we're gonna let you get away.
Frasier: Well... thank you, Tom. If I could just have a moment alone with Bebe?
Roz: Sure.
Roz and Tom leave the office and close the door. Bebe still has her head lowered.
Frasier: What kind of a woman are you? You seduced me, you lied to me, you nearly got me killed! You've shamelessly manipulated not only me, but this station, the news media, and the entire city of Seattle! What do you have to say for yourself?!
Bebe looks up with her familiar confident grin.
Bebe: Aren't you glad I'm on your side? Frasier backs away in horror - then considers the question.
Frasier: Yes, I... suppose I am. Bebe puts her feet up on the desk.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Niles is alone at a table. Bebe comes into the café looking for Frasier. Niles says she just missed him, then remembers what time it is and points Bebe to where she can catch him. Bebe runs out of the Café.
Niles says, "She's gone," and Frasier sticks his head up from behind the counter. | Plan: A: the station; Q: Who rejects Frasier's demand for a raise? A: his manipulative agent; Q: What is Bebe Glazer? A: Bebe Glazer; Q: Who does Frasier enlist to help him get a raise? Summary: When the station rejects Frasier's demand for a raise, he enlists his manipulative agent Bebe Glazer to help. |
(Open to Mt. Sebacio in Italy. Sydney rock climbs her way up the side of the mountain. She moves up, and stumbles a bit, but makes her way to the top of the mountain just as the sun is setting. She sits down, panting, to see the sun disappear behind a mountain. She takes off her sunglasses and wipes the sweat from her face. Looks around. Yanks out a sat comm phone and dials.)
VOICE: Agent King.
SYDNEY: Agent Utley, please.
VOICE: Who's speaking?
SYDNEY: Tell him it's about a fugitive the FBI has been looking for. The fugitive is me.
(She looks out at the sunset.)
(Los Angeles. Thunder rumbles. Inside a parked car in the middle of a rainstorm, Sydney and Jack sit.)
SYDNEY: I don't know how to thank you for helping me.
JACK: Don't thank me. Devlin said the FBI's focusing their investigation where it should have been all along. Instead of persecuting you, they should have been searching for your mother.
SYDNEY: But they were convinced she was dead.
JACK: No. While you were in Italy, I did something I've never done before.
(Cut to a room with aisles and aisles of filing cabinets. Jack frantically looks through one of them.)
JACK: (voice over) I violated the CIA's trust. I broke into Langley's classified archives.
(Back in the car.)
JACK: I pulled the operational file on your mother to see if I could find anything that might prove your intuition correct. Apparently, after the accident, an internal commission was formed to assess the damage she'd done to United States intelligence.
(In the room, Jack flips through the report and looks up, astonished.)
JACK: (voice over) The commission was comprised of people I'd worked with since I'd joined the Agency, but one name stood out in particular.
(Sloane's office. Jack stands before Sloane.)
JACK: Twenty years ago, back at the CIA, you were on a commission that investigated Laura's death. When I heard that, I couldn't imagine why you never told me. Unless the commission discovered something it didn't want me to know about. Laura didn't die in the accident, did she?
(Back in the car.)
JACK: Given my state at the time, they thought it was best that I wasn't told. They don't know what happened to her. Where she went. She could still be in this country, for all they know.
SYDNEY: Dad... I'm going to find her. I have to.
(Jack explodes.)
JACK: Searching for that woman will accomplish nothing! No good can come from it!
SYDNEY: I need to know where she is.
JACK: Sydney, we don't even know if she's still alive!
SYDNEY: I know.
JACK: Even if she is, it doesn't change what she did!
SYDNEY: Dad, I know!
JACK: Do you expect her just to say... "I'm sorry"?
SYDNEY: I don't know what to expect!
JACK: Well, you better know exactly what to expect!
(He pauses, breathing deeply.)
JACK: What could she ever say... that would satisfy you?
(When he says this, his voice breaks a little. Sydney watches him.)
(In her bed that night, Sydney stares at the ceiling, wide awake.)
SYDNEY: (voice over) I have this memory of my father. I was maybe five-years-old. We were camping with my mother. I broke my leg.
(She sits up at the edge of her bed.)
SYDNEY: (voice over) And he picked me up, and carried me miles back to the car. And I remember looking up at him and thinking he was the strongest man in the world.
(She dials the phone.)
(Self-storage. In the middle of the night, Sydney and Vaughn sit across from each other.)
SYDNEY: Seeing him there in the car, looking so damaged... I've never seen him like that. The idea that I want to find my mother... it scares him.
VAUGHN: (sighs) Well, I don't exactly have a neutral point of view on the subject of your mother, but your father's got a point.
SYDNEY: I know, and maybe I'm being reckless or selfish... or masochistic. But if my mother is alive, then I just have to know that. Can you help me get everything the CIA's got on her?
VAUGHN: Actually, I can't. All information concerning her has been classified omega 17 by the FBI, including her connections to the Rambaldi prophecy.
SYDNEY: Dozens of agents must be looking for her, maybe hundreds. And they're not going to let me be a part of the operation, are they?
VAUGHN: Sydney, I know you need help but this time... I just don't have it to give. I'm sorry.
(Sloane's house, that night.)
SYDNEY: Please apologize to Emily for me if I woke her.
SLOANE: No, it's all right. It's not necessary. Emily is used to the phone ringing in the middle of the night. You've been avoiding me.
SYDNEY: When I found out that my mother might still be alive, I just needed some time to sort it out.
SLOANE: I understand. Now you want to know how I could have hidden the truth from you.
SYDNEY: No. I don't want an explanation. I came here because I need you to help me find her.
SLOANE: Mmm. Sydney... how much do you remember about the year after you were told that your mother died?
SYDNEY: I remember... just feeling disconnected from everything. My father was away on business for most of that year.
SLOANE: No. Your father spent six months in solitary in a federal prison. He was suspected of being in collusion with Laura. The FBI almost tried him for treason and even though he was vindicated, the damage was done. And he began to unravel.
SYDNEY: Unravel...
SLOANE: He drank. He started taking unnecessary risks. Come on, Sydney, you know the father he was to you all those years. He took a long time to fully recover and I was under direct orders from the DCI not to let him know that Laura survived the accident. Unfortunately, that also required lying to you.
SYDNEY: Well... now that I know the truth, I am removing myself from active duty until I find out what happened to her.
SLOANE: And I am in no position to allow you to go off on what appears to be a rogue operation that would compromise the Agency.
SYDNEY: Every day you send me out on operations that could compromise this Agency, but as long as it's for SD-6, the risk is acceptable. It is time that SD-6 took a risk for me.
(Sloane gets up and moves closer to her. He rubs her shoulder.)
SLOANE: A daughter has a right to know her mother. I'll help you find her.
(Sydney and Francie's house, that morning. Will eats chocolate chips out of a jar. Francie fries up some pancakes.)
FRANCIE: Okay, seriously, we are not putting chocolate chips in the pancakes.
WILL: I got news for you. Oh yes we are.
(Sydney walks in, wearing her jammies.)
SYDNEY: Hey, guys.
WILL: Hey.
SYDNEY: Good morning.
FRANCIE: Oh, you still live here?
SYDNEY: I know.
WILL: Hey, did that finance seminar take a whole week?
SYDNEY: If you have any questions about offshore tax shelters, I'm your girl. What are you guys doing today?
WILL: Francie's going to take me to look for a new tuxedo.
SYDNEY: Yeah?
(Sitting at the table, she pours herself something to drink.)
WILL: For the, um, the awards thing.
SYDNEY: Can we come?
WILL: Not a chance in hell.
FRANCIE: He's too embarrassed.
SYDNEY: We're definitely coming.
(Francie comes over to Sydney with the pancakes and spots a large bruise on Sydney's arm.)
FRANCIE: Oh, my God. What happened to your arm?
SYDNEY: Oh. Oh. On the flight back from Seattle, this guy hit me with his carryon, pulling it from the overhead.
FRANCIE: (not convinced) Oh.
SYDNEY: Are these chocolate chips?
WILL: Thank you. Thank you very much.
(Conference room at SD-6 with Dixon, Sydney, Jack and Sloane.)
SLOANE: As you know, we've identified Alexander Khasinau as the person referred to in underground intelligence circles as The Man.
JACK: He controls more assets than the Russian mafia, and thanks to his old Cold War connections with foreign intelligence, he has the legitimacy of a fledgling government.
(Marshall bursts in, his face covered in welts.)
MARSHALL: Hi. Sorry I'm late. And sorry that I have hives. I'm developing a dermal pigment capsule and, you know... not quite right. It reacted... you know, just nevermind. And, y'know, it'll be gone in a couple hours so... excuse me.
(He sits down sheepishly.)
JACK: For the last five years we've had two deep cover agents in the Russian embassy in Vienna. One of them is this man. Kyle Wexler. We recently received a priority one communique from Wexler, indicating that Khasinau has just converted two hundred and fifty million dollars worht of assets into cash.
SLOANE: We need to know what he's spending that money on.
JACK: He did manage to include that he's acquired evidence of Khasinau's transactions, which he's encoded onto a microchip. He's scheduled a brush pass Saturday night at the embassy. They're holding their annual Maslyanitsa celebration, and we've arranged for you to attend.
(Sloane's office.)
SYDNEY: I told you, I can't focus on active duty when I'm looking for--
SLOANE: Khasinau has become this Agency's top priority, and I promise you, he'll become yours as well.
SYDNEY: What I have to do can't wait!
SLOANE: Sydney, I understand how you feel. I want you to listen to me.
SYDNEY: I don't understand what Khasinau has to do with my mother!
SLOANE: He has everything to do with your mother. He was her superior. When you first identified Khasinau as The Man, I recognized his name from your mother's investigations. I thought, "This has to be a coincidence." I did some checking. He was her superior back in his days at the KGB. This is the only clue I have to offer you. Get the microchip. The more we find out about Khasinau, the closer you get to your mother.
(In the garage, Sydney hits a button and her car alarm chirps. Jack runs out, following her.)
JACK: Sydney! I saw you leave Sloane's office.
SYDNEY: I was planning on telling you...
JACK: You've asked Sloane to help you find your mother, haven't you?
SYDNEY: Yes.
JACK: I thought by now you'd know not to ask Sloane for a favor. You'll spend more time than you care to paying it back!
SYDNEY: What choice do I have?
JACK: You can choose not to go!
SYDNEY: Dad... Khasinau was Mom's superior.
(In Vienna, it's a masquerade ball and it's very glamorous. Balloons are in a net on the ceiling. People with masks on dance around. A small orchestra plays. Dixon and Sydney, with masks on, enter the room.)
DIXON: May I have this dance?
SYDNEY: With pleasure.
(They bow and walk to the cneter of the room, and start dancing.)
(Jack enters Sloane's office. Sloane's on the phone, speaking French, and hangs up.)
JACK: I'd like to talk to you.
SLOANE: Of course, Jack. What's on your mind?
JACK: Interesting development about Khasinau.
SLOANE: I see. So, you spoke to Sydney. Well, you have every right to be angry, but I was under orders to keep the commission's findings confidential.
JACK: That I understand. What I don't understand is why you agreed to help Sydney find her mother without consulting me.
SLOANE: Well, she's a grown woman. She was going to pursue this with or without our blessing.
JACK: She'll only find disappointment, whatever the outcome.
SLOANE: Well, that depends on what she's expecting. You are different people, Jack. Are you sure this isn't affecting you more than you would like to admit?
JACK: I assure you, my concern is only for Sydney.
SLOANE: Yeah. Well, your assurances notwithstanding, I think it would be best if you took a break from active duty. Just, what, a few days... to clear your head.
JACK: I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving Sydney alone right now. If she were your daughter, I'm sure you'd understand.
SLOANE: You should know by now that my interest is in protecting Sydney. It's always been my pleasure to fill in for you when you were... indisposed.
(Back at the masquerade ball, Dixon and Sydney are dancing.)
DIXON: You ready?
SYDNEY: Ready.
(She flicks her earring. Flashback to Marshall briefing.)
MARSHALL: Okay, these are going to make you look radiant. And I mean that literally because once you activate them, they will emit an infrared pulse that is invisible to the naked eye. But thanks to our SOP for high-visibility brush passes, the agent you're meeting will know to wear IRC-capable contacts and, uh, that's how he'll identify you.
(Back at the ball, Dixon twirls Sydney while an agent walks in, wearing a tuxedo and a mask. He spots the red glow from the earrings that no one else sees. He watches Sydney for a moment, a flicker of recognition in his eyes but he kind of shakes it off and approaches Dixon and Sydney.)
AGENT: Excuse me. May I cut in?
DIXON: Of course. But I should warn you... she likes to lead.
AGENT: Oh, that's good. Maybe I'll learn something new.
(Dixon leaves. Agent and Sydney bow and start dancing.)
AGENT: Listen to me carefully. Wexler's dead.
SYDNEY: What?
AGENT: We can't stay here. It's only a matter of time before my cover's blown, too.
SYDNEY: Who are you?
AGENT: Wexler's partner.
SYDNEY: That's my ring you feel on your neck. It's a jet injector for a neurotoxin.
AGENT: I can give you the old bona fides.
SYDNEY: How do I know this isn't a set-up?
AGENT: Credit Dauphine is SD-6's front company. Marshall runs the op tech division. And Sloane... is a humorless son of a bitch.
(He nods. She nods. He takes her hand in his and they jog out. Sydney talks to Dixon, who's getting a drink, via her transmitter.)
SYDNEY: Dixon, change of plans. Wexler's dead. He may have talked. I'm going for the microchip.
DIXON: Copy that. I'll have the car brought around front.
(Dixon leaves to fetch the car. Sydney and the agent are walking down a hall to find the microchip.)
AGENT: Is that ring you're wearing one of Marshall's new toys?
SYDNEY: I was bluffing. Were you recruited right out of college?
AGENT: Yes.
SYDNEY: Which?
AGENT: Berkley.
(Sydney stops, frozen. She takes off her mask. He takes off his. Agent's name is Noah. Sydney is shocked.)
SYDNEY: Oh, my God.
NOAH: Oh, my God.
(Two guards are about to come in. Sydney grabs Noah and kisses him.)
GUARD: This is a restricted area.
(They continue kissing.)
GUARD: Hey!
(Sydney and Noah take the two guards down. Noah looks at her.)
NOAH: How you been?
(Noah enters a storage room. Sydney follows.)
SYDNEY: I can't believe it's you.
NOAH: Yeah.
SYDNEY: What are you doing here?
NOAH: Wexler was undercover as executive secretary when he was compromised. The ambassador's on Khasinau's payroll. So is embassy security.
SYDNEY: What are we looking for?
NOAH: This.
(He walks up to a chamber and punches in a code.)
NOAH: Khasinau ships everything through the embassy so he doesn't have to deal with police, or customs inspections.
(He opens the door of the chamber. Inside, is Wexler's frozen body.)
SYDNEY: God, it's Wexler.
NOAH: The ambassador did not know he had a chip, so I'm guessing he stashed it someplace.
SYDNEY: Or he swallowed it.
(Noah tears open Wexler's shirt and takes out a knife. He cuts open Wexler's chest without thinking twice.)
(Outside, Dixon approaches the driver of their limo.)
DIXON: Okay, what--
(He touches him and the driver slumps over, dead. Dixon stands up and a man from behind him cocks a gun pointed at Dixon's head. Dixon takes him in a choke hold, punches him in the throat, and has him backed up against the car. He takes the man's gun and shoots him twice in the gut with the help of the silencer. Dixon puts him down on the ground and speaks to Sydney.)
DIXON: Sydney, abort! They knew we were coming. They'll be looking for you. I'll meet you out front.
SYDNEY: We need another minute. We almost have the microchip.
(Noah is going through the contents of Wexler's stomach. Dixon turns and sees that the front tires of the limo are slashed. Noah rifles through Wexler's stomach.)
NOAH: Aw, dammit. His stomach's empty.
SYDNEY: It could be lodged in his esophogas.
(Noah takes his knife and points it to Wexler's adam's apple. He slices it open. Sydney looks a little squeamish, but Noah doesn't seem to be bothered by it.)
NOAH: You want to give me a hand here and spread?
(Sydney does so, hesitantly.)
NOAH: Little bit wider.
(Pause.)
NOAH: You been good, generally?
SYDNEY: Yeah, you know the work.
NOAH: Yeah. There it is. You see it?
(Sydney reaches in.)
SYDNEY: Got it.
(Out at the ball, the orchestra plays. Sydney and Noah try to exit. They stop when they see two burly men coming their way. Noah stops at the wire holding up the net of balloons on the ceiling and takes out his knife yet again. He slashes the rope and he keeps walking with Sydney as all the balloons fall on the guests, obstructing the view of the two men. The party guests gasp and oooh and ahh. Sydney and Noah run out as Dixon pulls up with a horse and carriage outside. The horses neigh.)
DIXON: Woahhhh. Get in!
SYDNEY: I'm not going to ask...
NOAH: Dixon.
DIXON: Noah?!
SYDNEY: Let's go, let's go.
(They ride away from the party as fireworks go off in the sky above.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(On the plane, Sydney and Dixon sit.)
DIXON: I'm not real anxious to see Sloane's face when he hears we had to pull Noah out.
SYDNEY: What choice did we have?
DIXON: Do me a favor, Syd. Tread carefully here. Until he goes through debriefing, I wouldn't get too friendly.
SYDNEY: It's ancient history. It was five years ago.
(Speaking of the devil, Noah walks up.)
NOAH: Anybody have change for a hundred rubels? There's a lady back in coach who's about to kill me.
DIXON: I was about to stretch my legs anyway.
NOAH: Really?
DIXON: Yeah.
NOAH: Thanks.
(Noah sits down next to Sydney, Dixon leaves.)
NOAH: Ah. Hi.
SYDNEY: Hi.
(Noah watches her intently. Sydney tries to read, biting her lip. Noah watches. She feels him watching her.)
SYDNEY: I should get some sleep.
(She leans her head against the plane window.)
NOAH: Syd, if you're mad, that's fine. I understand. But, really, you don't want to talk, it's okay. You don't have to be polite. I just--I just want you to know that I'm not mad anymore and I don't think you should be, either.
SYDNEY: You're not mad?
NOAH: Mm mm.
SYDNEY: What do you ever have to be mad about?
NOAH: Listen, I understand it must have been hard for you, personally, when I left. But come on, you didn't even put up a fight!
SYDNEY: What kind of fight was I supposed to put up?
NOAH: I waited for you for six hours.
SYDNEY: What are you talking about?
NOAH: You didn't show up. You didn't even call.
(Here is where they start to talk over one another.)
SYDNEY: I didn't even know where you were going--
NOAH: --Any effort, whatsoever!
SYDNEY: I showed up for work and Sloane said you'd been transferred abroad--
NOAH: I wrote to you! I wrote.
SYDNEY: What?
NOAH: I told you to meet me in San Pedro.
SYDNEY: I never got a letter.
NOAH: I didn't send you a letter. I wasn't allowed to discuss my reassignment. I encoded a message in a junk e-mail. You should've been able to pick it up from the subject line.
(Sydney stops.)
SYDNEY: I always set my computer to filter out junk e-mail.
(Back in Los Angeles, in front of an unhappy Sloane in Sloane's office, Dixon, Noah and Sydney stand.)
SLOANE: This constitutes a major set-back. By extracting Agent Hicks, you've squandered a five-year investment.
SYDNEY: We didn't have a choice.
NOAH: C'mon, Sloane. It's not her fault. Your investment was burned. If they didn't get me out of there, the exact same thing that happened to Wexler, would've happened to me. As far as I'm concerned, the fact that we even got the microchip means he didn't die in vain.
SLOANE: I'll listen to your report after you've been evaluated by security section. Dixon, will you escort Agent Hicks to McCullough, please?
(Dixon and Noah leave.)
SLOANE: Now, I have done you a favor, Sydney. So, should the need ever arise... I'm sure that I can count on you to return it.
(Interrogation room. Noah wears monitors and censors on his forehead, while McCullough watches the results from behind a computer.)
NOAH: In '97, I was admitted as a graduate student to the Moscow Institute for Intellgence Relations. Worked as a courier for the Russian embassy in Baghdad. On the visa desk at the consulate in Capetown. In November of 2001, I was put on as an attache at the Viennese embassy and given a low-level clearance.
MCCULLOUGH: While you were under alias as a member of the Russian diplomatic corps, were you approached by any othe agencies for recruitment?
NOAH: Yes.
MCCULLOUGH: Which agency?
NOAH: K-Directorate.
MCCULLOUGH: Did you accept their offer?
NOAH: Yes, I did. They're listening to this conversation right now.
(The meters go wild.)
MCCULLOUGH: Please answer the question truthfully.
NOAH: Of course not.
MCCULLOUGH: Why did you volunteer for prolonged undercover assignment to begin with?
NOAH: I fail to see how my motive are relevant. My reasons are my own.
MCCULLOUGH: Unfortunately, Agent Hicks, they are not.
(Noah nods a little.)
NOAH: Okay. Um... ahem. Because I was in love. And I was afraid to admit that to myself. I saw that as a sign of weakness in this work. So, I left.
(Sydney is watching behind the two-way mirror, her arms folded across her chest.)
NOAH: The only reason that I am able to speak with any kind of perspective about that now, is that I've had five years to regret that mistake.
MCCULLOUGH: May I have the name of the person to whom you are referring?
NOAH: Absolutely not.
MCCULLOUGH: You are aware that I have the authority to take steps that will compel you to answer.
NOAH: Yes, I am. And I am also aware that the only other deep cover agent anywhere near Khasinau is dead, which makes me somewhat of a valued commodity. So, I suggest we keep the questions limited to subjects that SD-6 really needs to know about. Besides, where I come from, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.
(Meeting with Vaughn and Sydney, in the middle of a clearing.)
VAUGHN: Our station chief in Vienna got your dead drop. I read your debrief, I'm sorry you had a rough time at the embassy.
SYDNEY: Thanks. If anything turns up on the microchip, I'll let you know.
VAUGHN: The agent you extracted -- Noah Hicks -- you mentioned him in the initial background report you wrote when you first made contact with the CIA.
SYDNEY: We met when I was a trainee.
(Pause.)
SYDNEY: We actually dated for a while.
VAUGHN: Really.
SYDNEY: We kept it under the radar. SD-6 discourages, you know, fraternization among agents.
VAUGHN: (pointedly) So does the CIA. There's one more thing. Do you know where your father's been lately?
SYDNEY: I talked to him an hour ago. Why?
VAUGHN: Kretchmer's left two call signals for a meeting, but we haven't received confirmation yet. Is he okay?
(At a bar, Jack sits at the counter and takes a drink from his glass of what looks like scotch. Sydney enters and sits beside him.)
SYDNEY: Club soda, please.
JACK: How'd you find me?
SYDNEY: Your car was still parked in your garage. I thought you might've walked somewhere close. This is the fifth place I've looked.
JACK: Mike, can I get the check?
MIKE: Yeah, sure.
(Sydney takes a drink from her club soda.)
SYDNEY: Dad... it's two o'clock in the afternoon. What are you doing here?
(He says nothing.)
SYDNEY: I think you might want to talk to someone.
JACK: Noted.
SYDNEY: Six months ago, I wasn't... I didn't even know how to talk to you, but now I feel like at least I feel like I can come to you and say--
JACK: What's happening between us, Sydney, is temporary.
SYDNEY: I'm not suggesting the person you talk to should be me. It shouldn't be. But the CIA has counselors. I think you should see one of them.
JACK: Sydney, you are responsible for no one but yourself.
SYDNEY: (loud) It's not irrational for me to be worried about you!
JACK: Please... keep... your voice... down.
(He takes another drink.)
SYDNEY: I didn't think you'd listen to my advice. So I made it official.
(Jack looks at her, alarmed.)
SYDNEY: I came here to pass along an order from Devlin. You're going to see a counselor for trauma evaluation.
(She throws some money on the bar and leaves.)
(Noah types on a laptop. Sydney enters.)
NOAH: Hey, Syd. I'm sorry you had to come down. It's my fault, really. We're uploading the microchip. There's ten thousand files in fourteen different languages. Linguistics needs all the help they can get.
SYDNEY: So, you're cleared.
NOAH: Yeah.
SYDNEY: You survived the debriefing.
NOAH: (laughs) Yes. I did. You know, and I forgot how much I missed McCullough.
SYDNEY: Let's get started.
(They sit together and go through some of the files, translating them. A file is up on the screen. Later, Noah has his jacket off with the sleeves of his shirt rolled up. They translate a grid document. Noah laughs at something. Sydney smiles and takes off her glasses, rubbing her eyes.)
SYDNEY: So, how long are you planning on staying?
NOAH: I'm not exactly sure. It's somewhat complicated.
SYDNEY: Why?
NOAH: Long story. Remember when you just got back from endurance training? Before you were sent out as a field op, and you came back... and you had this incredible glow. And I remember--
(Sydney smiles, embarrassed.)
NOAH: Yeah, you did. I remember thinking, "Man, this girl's really having fun." And I remember getting worried about that, because I knew, inevitably, one day you would not feel that way. That you were not aware of what you were getting yourself into.
SYDNEY: You thought I'd get myself killed.
NOAH: Maybe.
SYDNEY: Is that why you left?
NOAH: No. No.
SYDNEY: Well, you were right about one thing. I'm not having fun anymore.
(At Francie and Sydney's, Will waits out near the door, holding his tuxedo on a hanger.)
WILL: Come on, we're going to be late!
FRANCIE: I can't find my jacket!
WILL: I know, I just don't want to miss the previews, though. They're, like, my favorite part.
FRANCIE: I'm just going to borrow one of Syd's.
(Francie comes out, putting on one of Sydney's jackets.)
WILL: Hey, do you think I bought the right tuxedo?
FRANCIE: Yeah, for the amount of money you wanted to spend.
WILL: What's that supposed to mean?
(Francie empties the pockets of Sydney's jacket and finds something.)
WILL: What?
FRANCIE: Didn't Syd say she went to Seattle?
WILL: Yeah. So?
FRANCIE: Well, why is there a return ticket from Italy in her pocket?
WILL: Probably from another trip.
FRANCIE: It's dated for last week.
WILL: Why wouldn't she tell us about a trip to Italy?
(Conference room with Marshall, Noah, Sydney, Dixon and Sloane.)
SLOANE: What you are looking at are schematics of a Westbury 23 supercomputer. It's capable of making five hundred trillion calculations per second. Khasinau bought two of them.
SYDNEY: What for?
SLOANE: These computers are ideal for simulating theortical engineering designs for someone. For example, if Khasinau has acquired enough Rambaldi artifacts, he may be able to assemble these artifacts correctly and extrapolate what missing piece remains from the overall design.
MARSHALL: And that's why you need to steal the datacore. Heh. How are you? May I?
SLOANE: Sure.
MARSHALL: Thank you. Thanks to the microchip we have an image of the datacore and trust me. This core? Hardcore. I mean, it's a photorefractive crystal cube. It acts like a sponge. I mean, this has got enough capability to serve as a backup archive for both computers. But you see, the problem is, in order for this little puppy to work, it's got to be kept in a cyrogenic chamber halfway to absolute zero. Which is cold. I mean, it is cold enough to freeze your skin to stone in under a minute. Even if, like, a millimeter is exposed.
SLOANE: In addition, Khasinau's computer complex in Arkhangelsk is a mile underground. The surrounding forest are protected by private security forces. I'd like to point out that given this high-level of security surrounding this computer network, it is likely that Khasinau is using it as his primary archive. Account numbers, old contacts. Every agent who's ever worked for him. This is a two-person operation.
DIXON: (to Noah) You've been on assignment a long time. I'll go.
NOAH: Actually, I know the area pretty well. I did a lot of recon there when I was a courier.
SLOANE: Well, Noah's right. We need every advantage on this one. You leave in an hour.
(Dixon looks upset.)
(In Arkhangelsk, Sydney and Noah walk in the woods, pretending to be tourists.)
SYDNEY: Mah feet hurt.
NOAH: Yup.
SYDNEY: Can we stop?
NOAH: Nope.
SYDNEY: I gotta take my boots off!
NOAH: No. Leave 'em on. You take 'em off and your foot will swell up.
(Guards come out of the woods with guns, yelling in Russian.)
NOAH: Hey, hey, hey!
SYDNEY: We're Americans! We're Americans!
NOAH: Whoa!
SYDNEY: We're Americans!
(Therapy session with Dr. Barnett.)
BARNETT: You were speculating that perhaps Sydney's desire to find her mother could be interpreted as criticism of you as a father.
JACK: I suppose it's understandable. Much like a normal family after a divorce, when parental jealousy is stirred over a child's affections.
BARNETT: And how would you define a "normal" family?
JACK: I suppose it's one in which the family members aren't under order to lie to each other. I see what you're getting at. Maybe there's no such thing as a "normal" family.
BARNETT: (smiles) Well, okay, Mr. Bristow, I guess we can call it a day.
JACK: I prefer Jack.
BARNETT: One more thing, Jack. I don't believe a single word that you've said to me over this past hour. Don't get me wrong, I think you are a master. You have all your subconscious tells under control. You're smart enough to struggle with words. But I think you told me wha tI wanted to hear so you could get out of my office as quickly as possible. I also think that someone so skilled at deception is in danger of deceiving himself. I am going to recommend that you see me once a week.
JACK: You haven't got a clue what's required to lead the kind of life I lead. To maintain a balance between two lives and protect my daughter in the process. The kind of person who does that, the kind of person I have to be, is not the kind of person who would come in and talk to you.
BARNETT: Well, then, I guess we're making some progress. See you next week.
(At the archive, the guards drive up with Sydney and Noah in the backseat. She climbs out the back with her hands up.)
SYDNEY: Is there any chance we can contact the American embassy?
(She's pushed inside with Noah. Inside the cabin, the guard comes up to them.)
GUARD: What were you taking pictures of?
SYDNEY: Just the scenery. Just the scenery, I swear.
NOAH: Why don't you just take the film, sir, and give her back her camera.
(The guard takes the camera from around Sydney's neck.)
SYDNEY: Just the scenery.
(Noah and Sydney slip on sunglasses. The guard hits a button on the camera and a bright blue flash blinds the guards. They fall to the ground. Noah and Sydney move to the cabinets, looking for the button to get into the archive. Noah finds a set of keys as Sydney finds the lock in a cabinet.)
NOAH: Keys, hey.
(She inserts the key and turns. A door opens. Noah and Sydney take the guard's rifles and their backpacks. They get in an elevator and go down. They enter the room outside the frozen chamber. A guy sits behind a computer. Noah and Sydney come in wearing suits and carrying the rifles. Noah yells in Russian to the computer guy.)
NOAH: Move, move, move, move!
(Sydney types on the computer while Noah points a gun at the guy from the computer. She types in her mother's name, but the name Irina Derekov pops up. She stares. Noah's been watching her the whole time.)
NOAH: Let's go, Syd.
SYDNEY: I'm disengaging the core.
(She types on the computer and the core is taken out of the vat in the room in front of the glass ahead of them. Sydney takes the case and enters the room.)
SYDNEY: I'm in.
(She opens the case.)
NOAH: All right, Syd, don't forget to keep the core temperature constant. You must keep the core temperature constant.
SYDNEY: Got it!
(She takes the controller and moves the arm to get the core out.)
NOAH: How we doing?
SYDNEY: Almost there.
(The core drops in the case. Outside, a car drives up and yet another guard comes out.)
SYDNEY: Got it!
(She closes the case. Upstairs, the guard walks in and sees the other fallen guards. He hits a button for the lockdown procedures. The computer guy that Noah was watching starts to quickly type on the computer to lock it down. Noah hits the guy with the end of the gun. The electronic arm that was taking out the core hits Sydney and she falls to the ground. The glass on her helmet begins to crack. She gasps.)
SYDNEY: Noah, I'm freezing...
NOAH: Syd, hang on! The system's in lockdown!
(She tries to get up, but falls again. He shoots the glass with the rifle and moves the glass out of the way. He shoots the glass of the second entrance and moves more glass away. He picks Sydney up and takes the case. He takes her out of there and takes off his helmet and then hers.)
NOAH: Come on, wake up, Syd. Wake up. Come on...
(He gives mouth-to-mouth. She coughs.)
NOAH: Good girl. Come on. Good, good. Come on. Up, up, up, up, up.
(Coughing, she gets up with Noah's help. The guard comes down the elevator. Noah buts him in the stomach with the gun and then takes him by the neck and flips him. Noah takes Sydney into the elevator.)
NOAH: Come on, Syd. Come on. Come on, babe. Move, move, move.
(Restaurant after the movie. Will and Francie sit across from one another at a table.)
WILL: It's just weird. I don't know. Italy.
FRANCIE: Okay, okay, what if she met somebody on one of her business trips?
WILL: Yeah, but why would she keep that a secret?
FRANCIE: Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it. She's embarrassed by it.
WILL: Oh, come on, why?
(Francie thinks of something.)
WILL: What?
FRANCIE: The bruise. What if he's beating her?
WILL: Are you kidding me? Sydney would never put up with that.
FRANCIE: Maybe she's sleeping with her boss.
WILL: (coughs) Sloane? No. No.
FRANCIE: Should we just forget that we even found the ticket?
WILL: You really think she's in trouble.
FRANCIE: When she gets back from... where did she say she went?
WILL: San Francisco.
FRANCIE: Which I'm sure she did. I think we're just blowing this out of proportion.
WILL: There's an explanation.
FRANCIE: So we'll ask her when she gets back from... San Francisco.
(At a safehouse in the middle of nowhere, Sydney sits on the sofa drinking something hot and curled up in a ball. Noah enters.)
SYDNEY: Did you get through?
NOAH: Yeah. It was almost impossible to get a signal, but we got an extraction set for 0800.
SYDNEY: That's, what, six hours.
NOAH: Yeah.
SYDNEY: We should prepare in case Khasinau's men show up.
NOAH: (loads gun) The floorboards in the corner over there lift up. This safehouse has saved me a couple of times.
SYDNEY: You know what would be great right about now? A fire in that fireplace.
(Noah takes off his jacket, walks to her, and puts it around her shoulders. He takes a spot across the room and sits down.)
NOAH: I heard a chopper making rounds. If it's thermal equipped it'll pick up the heat signatures. What were you looking for in that database, anyway?
SYDNEY: It's, um, it's a long story.
NOAH: Well, we got six hours, so that's good.
SYDNEY: I was looking for information about my mother.
NOAH: Your mother?
SYDNEY: A lot's happened since you left. And I want to fill you in but... I don't know if I feel comfortable doing that yet.
NOAH: Right. You're still mad.
SYDNEY: No. When you left and you just disappeared, it was a kick in the stomach, and I carried that around for a long time.
NOAH: You were the last person that I ever wanted to see again... ever. And you were the only person that I ever wanted to see again.
(She looks up. Eye contact. He nods. She gets up and walks to him, slowly. He takes her by the waist and he moves in for a kiss.)
SYDNEY: Wait.
(But then they kiss. She unbuttons his shirt. He takes off her shirt. They continue to kiss.) | Plan: A: a case; Q: What is Sydney on? A: the activities; Q: What is Sydney trying to track of Khasinau? A: Khasinau; Q: Who is also known as "The Man"? A: Noah Hicks; Q: Who is Sydney's ex-lover? A: her heart; Q: What did Noah Hicks break? A: goodbye; Q: What did Noah Hicks leave Sydney without saying? A: five years earlier; Q: When did Sydney last see Noah Hicks? A: Sloane; Q: Who does Sydney tell that she wants to find her mother? A: Jack; Q: Who is ordered to see CIA psychiatrist Dr. Barnett? A: his churning emotions; Q: What is Jack ordered to see Dr. Barnett to help him deal with? A: his wife; Q: Who may still be alive? A: Sydney's activities; Q: Will and Francie become suspicious of what after finding one of Sydney's airline ticket stubs? Summary: While on a case to track the activities of Khasinau, also known as "The Man," Sydney runs into her ex-lover, Noah Hicks , who broke her heart and left without saying goodbye five years earlier. Meanwhile, Sydney tells Sloane that she wants to find her mother; Jack is ordered to see CIA psychiatrist Dr. Barnett to help him deal with his churning emotions after discovering that his wife may still be alive; and Will and Francie become suspicious of Sydney's activities after finding one of her airline ticket stubs. |
Opening scene - The Bait Shop, night - the first thing we see is a close up of a 2 drinks with straws in them. the camera pans up to show that Summer is drinking one of them, we can hear the sucking sound. the shot changes and we see that Ryan, Marissa and Seth are also there. they are all sitting at the bar in a row. Ryan, Marissa and Seth watch Summer as she noisily sucks her glass dry
Summer: (swallows) aah, who's ready for another faux-hito
Marissa: I think I kinda hit a wall on the mocktails (raises eyebrows) besides it's a school night
Summer: no but it's not a school night (sadly) it's our last night before our last semester of our last year of high school, so we have'ta make it...last (frowns)
Seth: its hard to argue with that logic
(Summer raises her eyebrows at Seth and Seth makes a face at Summer. it's meant to be scary but I think it just looks cute!)
Marissa: you guys (smiles) this has been a really fun winter break
(Seth smiles sentimentally, agreeing with Marissa)
Marissa: just the four of us (nudges Seth with elbow and then Ryan) hangin out like old times
Ryan: yeah I can't believe it's gone by so fast
Summer: I wish I could like Tivo it so we could play it over an over again until graduation
Seth: well unfortunately after tonight its back to regularly scheduled programming
Marissa: (sadly, with chin resting on her hand) for you guys (unenthusiastically) I gotta go back to Newport Union by myself
(we see close-ups of Summer and Ryan looking at Marissa)
Marissa: I gotta pee (to Summer) you gotta pee
Summer: no, not really
Seth: I gotta pee (looks at Summer)
Summer: kay
Seth: screw it, ill go get us some drinks first
(Seth and Marissa walk off leaving Summer and Ryan sitting together at opposite ends)
Summer: (thinks, looks at Ryan) what if it doesn't have'ta end
Ryan: what, winter break
Summer: no, the four of us being together (Ryan frowns) its a new year but its our last chance, senior photos are this Friday, the Harbor class'a 2006 will be immortalised in the yearbook (raises eyebrows) for like all time, Marissa has'ta be part'a that picture
Ryan: are you saying what I think your saying (looks at Summer)
Summer: yes, the dirty dean he's gone, right, an Dr Kim she's always seemed pretty reasonable
Ryan: yeah but the board kicked out Marissa not Dr Kim, plus there's all those concerned parents
Summer: whatever, out of sight outta mind (Ryan looks at her) time heals all wounds (Ryan frowns) you love something set it...free- (Ryan frowns) no, maybe they're over it!
Ryan: yeah, this towns real forgiving (Summer looks at him and holds her hands out)
(Seth comes back)
Seth: they were all out of faux-hitos so I got us a couple'a fake manhattans an a safe s*x on the beach
Summer: but Ryan (Seth sits) what if the four of us can all finish senior year together
Ryan: (to Seth) uh Summers planning operation "Free Marissa"
Seth: ooh
Summer: yeah secure some key allies, go behind enemy lines
Seth: you been watchin the war channel again
Summer: (matter of factly) yes it's the new food network
Seth: I'm always up for a little danger an intrigue (looks at Ryan)
Summer: see (points)
Ryan: you guys (raises eyebrows) seriously wanna do this
(Summer grins and Seth shrugs with a "why not" expression)
Ryan: (sighs) ok, alright (Summer claps happily) but we don't tell Marissa until we have a plan
Summer: cheers (holds out drink) to getting Marissa back to where she belongs
(Ryan, Seth and Summer clink glasses)
Seth: (frowns) anyone have an idea how we do that
(we see close-ups of Summer and Ryan's clueless expressions)
Theme song - California by Phantom Planet Harbor school, next morning - we see kids walking around outside. in the distance there is a maroon banner that reads Senior Class and then underneath that in big white writing is PHOTO, there is also writing in the corners but we cant read it. Seth and Summer are walking up the stairs together
Summer: I cannot believe it is our last semester of high school
Seth: I know, college applications have been sent off, studying, homework, learning, all the reasons to come here are pretty much irrelevant
Summer: well good with all your free time you can help out with "Free Marissa"
Seth: an to what exactly are we freeing her from
Summer: um exile to public school, year of solitude, ill fitting gym shorts, mediocre lunches, hey there's Ryan
(Ryan comes down the stairs just up ahead of Seth and Summer)
Ryan: hey (sighs) can't talk got an appointment with Dr Kim
Summer: what're ya gonna say
Ryan: (walks backwards) jus gonna come right out an ask (Seth raises his eyebrows)
Summer: alright, direct approach I like it (calls) good luck
(Seth and Summer keep walking)
Summer: excellent, prong one of the campaign has been initiated (points) you an I will take on prong two, grass roots ?, you know information booth, petition maybe a protest rally
Seth: (looks at Summer) how many prongs are involved in this operation
Summer: dude, like soo many prongs
(we are now in Dr Kim's office. Ryan knocks)
Dr Kim: (looks over) Ryan, come on in, what can I do for you
Ryan: Dr Kim sorry I'm late, actually I wanted to talk to you about Marissa Cooper
Dr Kim: oh, how's she doing over at Union
Ryan: good, good uh as good as can be expected um actually I was wondering if you might consider reinstating her this semester
Dr Kim: Ryan I-
Ryan: cause her grades are good, she hasn't been in any trouble
Dr Kim: (hands Ryan books to hold) Ryan I understand Marissa's expulsion seemed terribly unfair to you, an frankly I wish the outcome had been different myself
Ryan: would you consider letting her reapply
Dr Kim: even if I wanted to only the board of trustees has the power to readmit an expelled student (starts to leave)
Ryan: (follows) ok great, could we meet with them
Dr Kim: there meeting on Thursday ta discuss the new semester (frowns) its a little late...but (looks at Ryan) uh, I could probably get Marissa's case put on the docket
Ryan: that would be great
Dr Kim: Ryan, you'll be fighting an uphill battle
Ryan: (raises eyebrows) yeah, wouldn't be the first time
Dr Kim: they rarely reverse their decisions on anything
Ryan: all we need is a chance
Dr Kim: students are not allowed to speak at board meetings, you'll need a parent advocate
Ryan: I think I know someone who'd be right for the job (Dr Kim nods) thankyou Dr Kim (hands back books)
Dr Kim: you might wanna check the library for transcripts of old meetings there might be a precedent, say, fall semester in nineteen ninety six
(Dr Kim walks away and Ryan looks as though he's thinking)
CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is at her locker and as she starts walking away Johnny goes over
Johnny: hey Marissa
Marissa: (smiles) Johnny, hey
(Johnny holds his arms out and Marissa hugs him)
Marissa: how was your break, I feel like I haven't seen you in forever
Johnny: uh you know jus been layin low since the operation, I've already started physical therapy
Marissa: that's great
Johnny: thanks, what'a you been up to
Marissa: um (raises eyebrows) I don't know jus hangin out with Seth an Summer, Ryan doing nothing, its kinda great actually (smiles)
Johnny: (laughs) well look um if you've still got nothin to do there's this...thing that I want you to go to with me
Marissa: uh, ok, m what kinda thing
(Marissa and Johnny are now walking)
Johnny: um, it's a party actually, see PacWest is doing this big press event for their 2006 surf team on Thursday
Marissa: (looks at Johnny) w- the PacWest surf team
Johnny: coach called last night asking how the surgery went, it turns out one'a their guys failed the drug test so, I got an alternate spot on the team (Marissa smiles) I can do my physio on the road an hopefully compete by summer (smiles)
Marissa: wow, that's amazing Johnny
Johnny: thanks, um we're only allowed to bring one guest to the party so (Marissa looks at him) what'do you say (unsure)
Marissa: oh well, I mean shouldn't you take your mom or I don't know one of your entourage, I'm sure Chili's dying ta go
Johnny: no I want you to go (Marissa looks down) I mean, none'a this would be happening if it weren't for you
(Marissa looks at Johnny, Johnny looks at Marissa hopeful)
Marissa: alright then I wouldn't miss it (Johnny smiles) hey (hugs Johnny) I'm really happy for you Johnny
Johnny: (smiles) thanks
CUT TO: NB Yacht Club - Kirsten and Julie are sitting at a table together
Kirsten: first meeting of a brand new year
Julie: of a brand new enterprise (Kirsten smiles)
Kirsten: let's dig in
Julie: ok
Kirsten: (looks at papers) divorced, divorced, separated, divorced, I didn't know there were so many broken marriages in this town it's an epidemic
Julie: speaking of which
(we see that Julie noticed Neil come in)
Kirsten: (looks over) (softly) Dr Roberts is getting a divorce
Julie: shh, you didn't hear it from me, I'm gonna go say hi, he's been so good to Marissa (stands)
(Julie walks over to Neil who is sitting at the bar)
Julie: hey Neil how are you
Neil: hey, Julie (takes off glasses) well Happy New Year
Julie: should old acquaintance be forgot
Neil: well I don't think that you're in much danger of being old or forgot any time soon (laughs)
Julie: your too sweet (smiles) I never properly thanked you for having me over for Christmas dinner
Neil: well it's a pleasure, took the focus off of Gloria's conspicuous absence
Julie: ah, you haven't told Summer about...your separation
Neil: no, she thinks that Gloria didn't call because she's in some zen retreat
Julie: an Marissa thinks I'm supervising the longest condo renovation in history (smiles)
Neil: (nods, smiles) I feel a couple'a New Years resolutions comin on
(Julie screws up her face at the thought)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Summer and Seth are in the student lounge together
Summer: if we're gonna launch a successful campaign to get Marissa back inta Harbor we have'ta find someone who could organise the masses (looks at Seth) someone who they'll follow um you know inta battle
Seth: you mean General Townsend (motions with his head)
(we see that Taylor is sitting at a table with Madison and Ashley who we've seen a few times before)
Summer: (looks at Seth) affirmative (Seth smiles)
(Summer and Seth walk over to Taylor)
Summer: hey, Taylor, hi Mad hey Ash
Seth: Mad Ash (smiles)
Taylor: Summer Seth hi um I le-I left you guys a message about my Boxing Day party
(Seth looks at Summer. Summer has her mouth wide open)
Taylor: I guess you (shakes head) uh you didn't get it though but like how was your break, awesome
Seth: (nods) yes, so awesome (points) in fact that we need your help with something
Taylor: oh, you want my help (points to herself) whatever you need I'm there for you a hundred an ten percent
Summer: oh cool cause uh we're launching a campaign
Taylor: I love campaigns
Summer: to get Marissa back inta Harbor
(Madison and Ashley look at each other)
Taylor: (stunned) oh, wow that's (points) aggressive (looks at Summer) are you serious
Summer: Taylor, who out of our group (Taylor looks at her) would be better than you at winning over the hearts an minds of the student body (raises eyebrows) (Seth grins)
Taylor: did you say our group
Seth: great so you'll do it (points)
Taylor: (smiles) it's an honour to share your fox hole (holds out hand)
(Madison and Ashley look at each other in disbelief. Seth shakes Taylor's hand)
Summer: ok so we're going in front of the trustees on Thursday (Taylor picks up a pen & finds a blank page) so I was thinking maybe you could like go home tonight an brainstorm (frowns) we could go over the plan at (raises eyebrows) o eight hundred
Taylor: (enthusiastically) sounds good
Summer: thanks friend (Seth waves) bye
(Taylor gives Seth and Summer a salute as they leave then smiles happily as she writes)
Ashley: oh my god (leans forward) Taylor (Talyor looks at her) Marissa Cooper is like your number one rival I mean if she gets back inta Harbor she'll like totally socially crush you
Taylor: (laughs) grow up Ashley that is so last semester
Madison: I...hate to be the one ta burst your popularity bubble but isn't your mom still head of the parents association
Taylor: so
Madison: soooo she's the one who started the petition to get Marissa kicked out in the first place
Taylor: (not phased) also last semester (writes some more) I'm sure she's totally over it
Ashley: your mom, over it
(Ashley and Madison look at each other mouth "not" and shake their heads. Taylor is starting to look worried now)
CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy walks into his office followed by Ryan
Ryan: and in nineteen ninety six the board voted to reinstate a kid due to extenuating circumstances after he threatened another student with a knife
Sandy: (looks at Ryan, impressed) you've done your homework
Ryan: so that's precedent right
Sandy: yeah, but a precedent is just a small piece of a bigger puzzle (sits at his desk) (shakes head) it...doesn't guarantee anything
Ryan: look, if your sayin we don't have a case then uh that's fine I get it but, if this is because (sits) you don't want Marissa an me goin to the same school...I promise you things are different now (looks at Sandy)
Sandy: (looks at Ryan, leans forward) you have a shot, but it's a long one
Ryan: ok, we need a parent advocate to address the board, would you
Sandy: a good cause, poor odds, a chance to ruffle some Newpsie feathers (shrugs) how could I say no, who's the chairman this year
Ryan: uh (reads) guy named Mercer
Sandy: (sits forward) Jim Mercer
Ryan: yeah, you know him
Sandy: yeah he's a judge, I've argued before him many times
Ryan: hm an that's a good thing right
Sandy: well he's what they call a hanging judge (Ryan nods) he's a real hard ass (reassuringly) jus means we'll have'ta present a really good case that's all
Ryan: great (thinks) now all we gotta do is
CUT TO: Roberts' house - Marissa and Ryan are in the living room together
Ryan: cross your fingers because it is all handled, any luck you'll be back at Harbor by Friday morning
(Marissa blinks, speechless)
Ryan: is that the uh good kind of speechless or the-the bad kind
Marissa: (raises eyebrows) uh g-good kind (Ryan smiles) I just- wow could it really happen
Ryan: well it's not a sure thing but yeah (touches Marissa's leg) look I know that you jus got settled at Union you've made a few friends, if your happy where you are I don't wanna mess that up
Marissa: no are you kidding (leans forward) id love to finish high school with you guys
Ryan: alright, I'm gonna go grab dinner, check in with Sandy an I will call - you later (kisses Marissa)
(Ryan starts to leave)
Marissa: hey when's the meeting
Ryan: uhh Thursday
Marissa: uh this Thursday
Ryan: yeah, that alright
Marissa: yeah...
(we hear the sound of the door opening as Ryan leaves. Marissa looks unsure)
CUT TO: Summers bedroom - we see a close up of the laptop screen and on it is a graphics program with a t-shirt shape up on the screen. it is black with FREE then a head shot of Marissa underneath and then MARISSA underneath that. {fyi you can actually now buy this shirt in the OCI shop if you are an OCI'er. I cannot wait to see what it looks like in person} the camera zooms out to show that Summer is using the laptop and Marissa comes in
Marissa: hey
Summer: (quickly shuts laptop) hey did you talk to Ryan
Marissa: yeah (sits)
Summer: not exactly the triumphant enthusiasm I was expecting
Marissa: I'm sorry, I really do appreciate everything you guys'a been doing
Summer: (closes eyes) but
Marissa: but does anyone even want me back at Harbor
Summer: what other than your three best friends
Marissa: well what if it doesn't work
Summer: it's gonna work
Marissa: ...an the meeting is this Thursday
Summer: (folds arms) Coop what is going on
Marissa: well its jus that PacWest is announcing Johnny as an alternate on their team that night (Summer frowns) an...I kinda promised him id be there (shrugs)
Summer: mm (nods) well that's really nice of you, but your jus gonna have'ta cancel (smiles) sorry (hands Marissa phone) he'll be happy for you
(Summer leaves and Marissa reluctantly starts to dial, after three numbers she stops and puts the phone down)
CUT TO: Cohen kitchen, next morning - Sandy is in there slicing a bagel and Kirsten walks in
Kirsten: the boys seem really excited about getting Marissa back inta Harbor, d'you think she has a chance
Sandy: well there's a good argument ta be made
(Ryan and Seth come in from outside carrying poster board and paint etc basically supplies for the campaign)
Ryan: morning
Sandy: morning
Kirsten: (notices) oooooh the boys have poster board an paint
(Seth and Ryan smile as if to say "yeah yeah" and Ryan grabs a bagel)
Sandy: I love student activism (smiles)
Ryan: yeah, did'you get a chance ta throw a call inta judge Mercer
(Kirsten goes to drink and stops when she hears that name)
Sandy: he's gonna be outta town till Wednesday, but I did speak to another trustee who assured me that we'll be given a fair chance to present Marissa's case
Ryan: alright, well uh let us know if there's anything more we can do (to Seth) we should get going
Seth: yeah Summer will kick our ass if we're late with our supply drop (Ryan waves)
Sandy: have fun
Seth: thankyou (waves)
(Ryan and Seth leave and Kirsten moves around the counter so she is facing Sandy)
Kirsten: (softly) this isn't the same judge Mercer that jailed you for contempt
Sandy: (nods) six hours in the slammer cause he didn't like my closing argument, an to this day I still don't understand what it is I said to the guy that-that that struck such a nerve
Kirsten: all I remember is that he hated you passionately (raises eyebrows) maybe he won't remember
Sandy: not likely, an he's not outta town, he's ignoring me, thinks anything a councilor has'ta say should be done on the record
Kirsten: oh come on its not like this is an actual trial
Sandy: tell that to judge Mercer (kisses Kirsten's cheek)
CUT TO: Newport Union - Johnny and Dennis are coming down the stairs. Johnny has papers in his hand
Dennis: I don't understand why do you need to see the PacWest doctor, why can't they just have your doctor send over your charts an stuff
Johnny: i dont know jus somethin ta do with their insurance, I'm sure its just standard stuff
(Marissa walks over when they are at the bottom of the stairs)
Marissa: hey guys
Dennis: hey
Marissa: (to Johnny) can I talk to you for a sec
Dennis: um if you want man I can give you a lift over to the doctors at lunch (to Marissa) if you want (points) I can give you a lift any time
(Johnny smiles and Dennis walks away)
Marissa: I thought you were done with all the doctor stuff
Johnny: yeah it's a routine post op thing it's no big deal
Marissa: ok
(Johnny is now at his locker)
Johnny: so what's up
Marissa: um...I uh I was gonna call you last night...I don't think I can make it to your party on Thursday
Johnny: your not sure or-
Marissa: no, no I can't, see there's this board meeting at my old school an (shrugs, frowns) I kinda have'ta be there cause there gonna decide whether or not I can (raises eyebrows) reapply this semester
Johnny: (looks at Marissa) your goin back to private school
Marissa: well I mean it's not a done deal...but uh yeah I'm gonna try
Johnny: oh that's great
Marissa: really, cause I was worried you might be upset
Johnny: why I mean I'm happy for you
Marissa: right (nods) course (smiles)
Johnny: anyway Chili will be stoked you know he was next in line for the party so (smiles)
Marissa: I'm really sorry
Johnny: you'll go to the next one (smiles)
Marissa: (nods, smiles) alright, ill see you later
(Marissa walks away and Johnny's smile goes, he looks crushed)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Taylor, Seth and Summer are walking outside together. Taylor is holding a huge sign that says MARISSA then underneath that COOPER then underneath that GRADUATES. Seth is holding flyers and Summer is holding a petition
Taylor: ok how many flyers do we have
Seth: four stacks of two hundred
Taylor: (nods) ok good I want one of those on every locker by lunch, you put the extras on bathroom stalls an mirrors um (points) any word on the t-shirts
Summer: uh Ryan's suppose'ta get them at lunch
Taylor: great I'm gonna put some pressure on my button guy an see if I can get em done at the same time (Summer nods)
Seth: uh-oh (points) fire in the hole
(Taylor looks where Seth is pointing and looks almost scared. we then see Veronica approaching them)
Veronica: Taylor
(Taylor stands in front of the sign trying to hide it)
Taylor: mom what're you doing here
Veronica: I just came from my pre board meeting
Summer: (frowns) Taylor's moms on the board
(Seth mouths "I don't know")
Veronica: do you know there's a motion on the docket to reinstate Marissa Cooper (pulls sign out from behind Taylor)
Taylor: ...yes
Seth: flyer (holds out "Free Marissa" flyer)
(Veronica takes the flyer from Seth and looks at it. it's the same design as what's on the shirts. Taylor looks at Summer and Seth. Veronica looks at Seth unimpressed)
Veronica: may I have a word with you (grabs Taylor's arm)
(Veronica pulls Taylor away and we see them talking while Veronica screws up the flyer. Seth and Summer watch)
Seth: I don't know what she's sayin but it can't be good
Summer: how dare you do this (we see Veronica speak this part at the same time) without talking to me (Seth looks at her) I can read lips, star magazine what the stars are really saying
Seth: oohh
Taylor: I'm helping my friend's mom
Veronica: Taylor you don't have any friends (Taylor looks down) which is one'a the reasons why I had Marissa Cooper-
Summer: (as Veronica mouths it) removed from the school in the first place
Seth: that's so demented (Summer looks at him)
(Veronica hands the screwed up flyer to Taylor and walks away angrily)
Seth: oh you dropped your-you dropped your (holds up flyer) your flyer
(Taylor slowly walks back over to Seth and Summer with her head down sadly)
Taylor: um (looks up) I cant help you guys anymore, sorry (walks away)
Summer: Taylor (worried, frowns)
Seth: I guess that means no button guy (disappointed)
Summer: (annoyed) oh Seth (nudges Seth)
Seth: I jus wanted to meet the button guy
CUT TO: Newport Group - we see a close up of a newspaper article that has the heading "Harbor Student Questioned in Shooting" we can hear Matt on the phone
Matt: (on the phone) well I'm lookin at a count sheet that puts the property value at twelve, yeah I'm meetin with him right now (Sandy looks at him) ok ill call you back in twenty (sits) so, I say we put a cash bid on the orbina buildng at eleven five
Sandy: I thought you said the orbina building was over valued
Matt: (points) that was before my guy found out Lockheed plans to build a new plant in the area
Sandy: (impressed) oh well done, your guy
Matt: yeah, I have a guy (Sandy laughs) (laughs) actually he's your guy too (Sandy's smile goes) licensed private investigator registered with the state, completely legal, above the board
Sandy: well maybe he could dig up a little something on the honourable Jim Mercer
Matt: who's that
Sandy: he's the head'a the Harbor board of trustees, the person who has the final say on whether or not Marissa will be readmitted
Matt: an I take it that's a problem
Sandy: oh he's not a big fan'a mine
Matt: ill put in a call
Sandy: (puts hand up) w-whoa
Matt: just a little background check, jus see what he comes up with (stands) it'll be fun
(Matt leaves and Sandy doesn't look like he's completely against the idea)
CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is sitting a table by herself with her lunch. Ryan sits down next to her
Ryan: hey
Marissa: hey (smiles, puts arms around Ryan) what're you doing here
Ryan: I dropped by to give you an update and some campaign shwag (Marissa laughs) (holds up t-shirt) what'do you think
Marissa: wow, I love it, what's next coffee mugs (raises eyebrows) baseball caps
Ryan: yeah whatever it takes
Marissa: seriously I can't believe this is happening
Ryan: where's Johnny (frowns) dont- doesn't he usually eat with you
Marissa: yeah well he had a doctor's appointment; oh I guess PacWest's giving him a second chance
Ryan: really, that's great
Marissa: yeah (nods) everything's finally working out
(Marissa cell phone rings)
Marissa: (answers) hello...um ok...are you sure...uhhhh ok well then ill-ill come right now, bye (hangs up)
Ryan: everything alright
Marissa: uh, yeah, that was jus Chili, I guess he's not feeling well so I need'ta bring him this book
Ryan: (raises eyebrows) what you need'ta bring him a book right now
Marissa: (shrugs) it won't take me long
Ryan: alright, well I could drive you
Marissa: no, you know you should get back, help Summer on the front lines (stands) ill see you guys at the diner ok
Ryan: yeah
Marissa: (kisses Ryan's cheek) mm, thanks for stopping by
Ryan: yeah
(Marissa leaves and Ryan sits there tapping a button on his fingers)
CUT TO: Harbor school - we see a flyer being put up on a locker and then we see that Summer is the one who put it there, she hurt her finger in the process. Ryan goes over to her
Summer: (points) don't tell me there's a problem with the t-shirts or I might freak out
Ryan: t-shirts are fine there in the car
Summer: (relieved) ok
Ryan: (frowns) it's Marissa, jus came from Union she got a call from Chili an took off, somethin I should know
Summer: n- well there might be a slight...issue
Ryan: right
Summer: I mean not like an issue issue, a friend issue...with Johnny issue (shrugs) (Ryan doesn't look happy) she's afraid she might be abandoning him
Ryan: oooof course she is (turns to walk away)
Summer: wait (pulls Ryan back and his side slams into the locker) stand down private, its the way she's wired, you wouldn't love her if she wasn't (Ryan looks at her) she wants ta come back here an she told Johnny jus like she said she would, if you wanna get mad an punch somebody or something...why not Taylor's mom, you need'ta get your ass back inta gear (gives Ryan a bag of buttons) start handing out some buttons
(Summer puts a flyer up on the locker behind Ryan and hits it hard. Ryan flinches lol)
CUT TO: Roberts' house - Julie walks up to the front door and rings the doorbell. Neil answers the door
Julie: (suprised) Neil
Neil: Julie, what a nice suprise
Julie: yes, yes it is I- I mean I didn't expect to see you at home, I'm looking for Marissa
Neil: well the girls aren't home from school yet, why'dont you come in
(Julie smiles and walks in. Neil motions for her to follow him to the living room)
Julie: so no rhinos to plasty today
Neil: (smiles) oh well Gloria called she wants her things sent to her sisters in Napa, so I cleared my schedule, thought id have that talk with Summer today
Julie: well, aren't we two peas in a pod, now that Marissa might go back to Harbor the money I have saved for a new place will go to tuition, kind of forces my hand with the trailer situation (worried) I don't know what she's gonna think
Neil: well I think she's gonna be very grateful (Julie looks at him skeptically) her mom making sacrifices for her future
(Julie forces a small smile. Neil motions for Julie to sit on the couch)
Julie: ooh yeah
Neil: um
(Neil sits down on the long couch and Julie sits down across from him in an armchair)
Neil: girls should be home uh-hm, they should be home any minute
(Julie smiles almost awkwardly. they both seem a little nervous)
Neil: I think they were up most of the night last night working on that petition
Julie: oh
Neil: they're so hopeful
Julie: an here we are about to ruin everything
Neil: really (sits forward) its uh really selfish of us if you think about it isn't it
Julie: yeah, you know I-I suppose I could wait a few days you know see how everything pans out
Neil: seems like more of a weekend conversation doesn't it
Julie: you are so right
Neil: you know (looks at Julie) I could really go for a drink
Julie: you read my mind
(Julie and Neil stand)
CUT TO: Johnny's bedroom - Dennis is sitting on the edge of the bed holding what looks like a broken surfing trophy. Marissa comes in and looks around stunned. we see what she is seeing which is a majorly trashed room. clothes everywhere, things smashed etc. it's a mess
Marissa: oh my god (looks around) where is he
Dennis: ...who knows, PacWest doctors refused to sign off on his knee, they said its too soon to tell whether or not he'll be back hundred percent (looks at Marissa upset) there not gonna let him tour (Marissa looks worried) (looks down) I've never seen him like this, not even after the accident
Marissa: well we gotta find him
Dennis: tell him what...everything's gonna be ok (Marissa looks away) the guys futures trashed he's pretty much lost everything (looks at Marissa) I don't know if he'll be able ta make it back from this
(Marissa looks sad and worried. we then see a few beach/surfy scenes while the sun goes down)
CUT TO: The Diner, now night - Ryan, Seth and Summer are sitting in a booth together. they all look tired and on the verge of giving up
Summer: I can't believe we spent all day canvassing an we only have like thirteen signatures
Seth: well say what you want about Taylor but the girls connected, cheerleaders, water polo players, the band, she turned the alternative?
Ryan: alright so it's down to the three of us, the AV club an the comic book geeks
Seth: (screws up face) actually Leons still a bit of a hold out?
(Marissa comes in)
Summer: wait you guys, shut up jus act positive ok (enthusiastically) we are so gonna rock that hearing
Seth: hey (smiles) ohh yeah
Summer: we really are
Marissa: you guys, I don't think I can go
(Seth, Summer and Ryan look at Marissa)
Ryan: what, why what happened
Marissa: look I really appreciate (raises eyebrows, shrugs) everything you guys have done but I jus don't think I can go back to Harbor
(Summer and Seth look down. Ryan looks at Marissa. Marissa looks back at them sadly before leaving. Seth frowns. Ryan looks confused. Summer looks disappointed)
CUT TO: Cohen backyard, next morning - Ryan comes out of the pool house with his school stuff. Marissa walks up to him
Ryan: hey
Marissa: hey...so I know I didn't feel like talking about it last night but, I owe you an explanation (Ryan looks at her) it's Johnny
Ryan: ah kinda figured that (raises eyebrows)
Marissa: don't be mad
Ryan: (laughs) I'm not mad (sits)
Marissa: its jus, I wanted to come back to Harbor (sits next to Ryan)
Ryan: ok, soooo (smiles) so what's wrong now
Marissa: well, PacWest has changed their mind, they're not letting him on the tour after all, he's really freaked out
Ryan: well you gotta stop making this your problem
Marissa: but it is my problem (feels bad) I mean his girlfriend, the accident, getting kicked off the team (shrugs)
Ryan: are not your fault! you can't give up your one chance to go back to Harbor jus so (frowns) Johnny has someone to hang with in the hall
Marissa: I never asked you to do this
Ryan: (looks at Marissa) sooo you're saying we shouldn't have
Marissa: (closes eyes) ...no (sighs) n- I don't know (raises eyebrows) I'm sorry
Ryan: (looks at Marissa) ...well, we're meeting here before going to the school tonight (Marissa nods) jus so you know
(Ryan walks away and Marissa watches him)
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO: Newport group - Sandy is sitting on the couch doing some paper work and Matt puts a folder down in front of him. Sandy looks up
Matt: my guy came through on your judge, you don't have'ta use it if you don't want to but, its interesting (sits) an not irrelevant to the matter at hand
Sandy: tell me the short version
Matt: the judge has a son, Nick, an he's got a drug problem (Sandy is listening) he got kicked outta military school for usin, nobody's heard from him since
Sandy: oh (shakes head) the case where he an I squared off I was defending a kid like that
Matt: well, if the judge wants ta play hardball with Ryan's girlfriend at least...you have some ammunition
Sandy: to what, exploit his family's tragedy, embarrass him in front of the community
Matt: I jus thought you'd wanna know
Sandy: I do (nods) thankyou, it's gonna be tricky an there'll be four very disappointed kids if I make a wrong move (looks down, thinking)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth and Summer are sitting behind a table at the top of the first set of stairs. they have 2 large signs and one of the flyers on the front. the 2 signs say MARISSA COOPER GRADUATES. the first is white with red writing and the other is light blue with darker blue writing. there are also t-shirts and clipboards sitting on the table. Summer is wearing a "Free Marissa" shirt and holding a button
Summer: (calls) free Marissa, help Marissa get back inta Harbor
Seth: sign our petition
Jock: sign this geek
(Summer frowns, Seth screws up his face)
Seth: (shakes head) I'm not gonna sign his genitals
Summer: ok we are like getting crushed
Seth: I jus don't understand why this is happening, I mean even if people don't really like Marissa-
Summer: wha- whoa (raises eyebrows) everybody likes Marissa
Seth: well even if they didn't they could still sign the petition, what'do they care if she goes here
Summer: well that's the point they don't care, this school is apathetic they need someone who can inspire, someone who can intimidate
Seth: (squints) they need Taylor
Summer: (looks at Seth) yeah, you know maybe its better to be feared than loved (touches Seth's arm) Cohen you have my permission to do whatever it takes
Seth: (looks at Summer) an what is it
Summer: I'm picturing, like, Indecent Proposal (Seth looks down) your Demi, naturally, an Taylor is a leather faced guy who talks to horses
Seth: you want me to trade s*x for signatures
Summer: jus get her on board, I need Marissa back (raises eyebrows) at this school
(Summer hands Seth a petition clipboard)
Seth: (screws up face) I feel so dirty (leaves)
CUT TO: Johnny's bedroom - Johnny is on his bed holding the broken surfing trophy that Dennis had earlier. the room is dark and depressing. we hear a knock
Johnny: I'm not goin to school today mom
(we can now see that Ryan is standing in the doorway)
Ryan: mom jus left for work (Johnny looks over) she let me in on her way out (Johnny looks away) (folds arms) Marissa told me about the tour...I'm sorry man
Johnny: she send you ta...check up on me
Ryan: doesn't know I'm here, she's the reason I came
Johnny: (looks at Ryan) is she ok
Ryan: (sighs) depends on how you look at it, she's (Johnny sits up) she's decided to stay at Newport Union (smiles)
Johnny: ...you private school kids find it hard to believe
Ryan: (annoyed) first of all I don't need you lecturing me about public school (Johnny looks at him then away) second of all she's not staying for the quality of the education she's staying for you
Johnny: well I didn't ask her to do anything
Ryan: you didn't have to
Johnny: (looks at Ryan then down) no matter what anyone says...its still gonna be her choice
Ryan: jus wanna make sure she feels free to make it
(Ryan leaves and slams the door behind him. Johnny looks over at the closed door. in the background we hear the door open and close as Ryan leaves the house. Johnny throws his trophy thing down, frustrated)
CUT TO: Newport Group - Sandy is in his office and Kirsten comes to the doorway. Sandy has his back to the door and looks as though he's deep in thought
Kirsten: Sandy
(Sandy turns around and Kirsten smiles)
Sandy: hey
Kirsten: ah, you have lunch yet (walks in) I was signing a new client at the deli and I picked you up a turkey pastrami on rye
Sandy: with mustard (hopeful)
Kirsten: (winks) spicy dijon
Sandy: my hero (kisses Kirsten)
(Sandy sits down on the couch looking a little preoccupied while Kirsten pulls out the food)
Kirsten: (notices) bad day
Sandy: ...I've been faced with an ethical dilemma
Kirsten: well if I do say so my ethics are excellent (smiles, sits next to Sandy) try me
Sandy: Judge Mercer
Kirsten: ahh the one who hates you an tried to get you disbarred
Sandy: the very one, turns out he's the father of a junkie (looks at Kirsten, Kirsten nods, listening) his kid got kicked outta school...an he fell right off the map
Kirsten: and you think you can use this information to shame him into helping Marissa
Sandy: the thought has crossed my mind (looks at Kirsten)
Kirsten: well...what would you do...if you were still a public defender an Marissa was your client
(Sandy looks as though he's thinking again)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth is walking in the halls by himself. he goes over to Taylor who is at her locker
Seth: Taylor (Taylor looks) hey we need'ta talk
Taylor: well I would love to talk to you, about anything but Marissa Cooper (raises eyebrows)
Seth: I have been sanctioned to offer you sexual favours, I swear Summer said it was ok
Taylor: (mouth open) wow (laughs) anything else you would be facing a long night, involving candle wax tube socks an the new Fiona Apple CD (Seth screws up his face) but Marissa, I can't
Seth: ok well lucky for both of us I've optioned to forgo man whoring (raises eyebrows) an make an appeal to your heart (points) because I know that you have one
Taylor: (closes eyes) Seth, don't (sighs)
Seth: now I am your friend, so is Summer an so is Ryan an if Marissa came back you'd have her too
Taylor: (shakes head) ok, you don't get it, my moms a sports agent
Seth: (suprised) your moms a sports agent, I thought she was just a bored bitter Newpsie
Taylor: she's a bored bitter ball buster (nods)
Seth: oh
Taylor: three hundred pound football players go to her when they need something done (Seth looks at her) (sadly) she threatened to take away my car
Seth: we'll give you a ride ta school
Taylor: not to pay for college (raises eyebrows)
Seth: you can get a scholarship
Taylor: (closes eyes, shakes head) I'm sorry
Seth: fine, but as your friend I'm gonna beg you to do one thing (points) do not grow up to be like your mom (hands Taylor petition) cause your too good for that
(Seth leaves and Taylor looks down at the signatures, we can see that only the first 13 lines have signatures. then she looks up sadly)
CUT TO: Julie's trailer - Julie is in the bedroom in a robe. she picks up an outfit off the bed and holds it up to herself while looking in the mirror. she throws the jacket back on the bed and looks at the dress. we hear a knock at the door
Julie: (frustrated, calls) I don't want any pigeon pie Gus (walking to the door) I think it's terrible what you do to those little birds
(before Julie can open the door Neil pokes his head in. Julie is stunned)
Julie: Neil, wow, uh, this is a suprise (quickly tidies up some food on the coffee table)
Neil: well I figured I owed you one (looks) wow, so this is what one'a these looks like on the inside huh (walks in) mm (points) pork rinds
Julie: uh (looks down) yeah well when in Rome (smiles)
Neil: oh I thought you'd be dressed an ready to go to the hearing I was hoping you might need a ride
Julie: oh, uh thankyou um (puts food down) but uh truthfully I don't think I'm gonna go (Neil looks at her) I think Marissa just might be better off without me (nods)
Neil: well that's nonsense, every girl needs her mom (Julie looks at him) an I'm gonna be in your corner, I give alotta money to that school
Julie: (thinks, smiles) give me five minutes
(Julie heads back into the bedroom)
Neil: um ill jus (picks up pork rinds) take these an ill be outside trading stock tips with your friend Gus huh (eats pork rind)
(Neil opens the door with a pork rind sticking out of his mouth. Julie smiles and goes in the bedroom to get ready)
CUT TO: Cohen backyard - Summer is sitting on a seat by herself. Seth comes over from near the house and Ryan comes out of the pool house
Seth: (sighs) no word back from Taylor
Ryan: we gotta leave in an hour an no sign of Marissa
Summer: wait, so what're you guys saying
Seth: (sits next to Summer) that this was a valiant campaign
Ryan: yeah, really valiant (sits next to Summer)
Seth: one any General would be proud of
Summer: (looks from Ryan to Seth) surrender much, I bet Napoleon never talked like this
Ryan: well maybe he should have, right before he was defeated an exiled
Seth: Summer, my little empress (takes Summers hand) this is our Waterloo, we need'ta retreat an minimise collateral damage
Summer: (not ready to give up) well, cant we jus wait a couple minutes before we raise the white flag (looks from Seth to Ryan) she's always late, I mean maybe she got lost...or something (sighs)
(Ryan frowns. Seth looks at Summer and then he and Ryan both look off in opposite directions)
CUT TO: Newport Union - Marissa is sitting on the bench reading a book. behind her Dennis slides down the stair rail and runs off, he comes back when he notices Marissa
Dennis: Marissa (Marissa looks) hey aren't you spose'ta be at that Harbor thing
Marissa: no (shakes head) but hey have you seen Johnny, cause I've been looking for him all day
Dennis: (smiles) I know its crazy right, I actually gotta go right now (points) otherwise ill be late for the PacWest thing
Marissa: (confused) w-wait what PacWest thing
Dennis: you haven't talked to Johnny at all (Marissa motions no) (walks back) well it turns out that that (sits) fancy surgeon that you hooked him up with went to med school with the PacWest doctor, he put in a call an convinced the guy that Johnny would make a full recovery an he's back on the team (smiles)
Marissa: (suprised) I can't believe he didn't tell me
Dennis: well its been insane, they want him to leave next month, I guess they hired him some tutor that's spose'ta help you with the GED, I've already hit up my dad for frequent flyer miles so I can tag along
Marissa: (suprised) wait you're going too (raises eyebrows)
Dennis: hell yeah, its the chance of a life time (stands) so anyways its kinda funny how it all worked out huh (Marissa looks at him) I mean Johnny an I hittin the road, you goin back to your old school
Marissa: (thinks) yeah, hey I gotta go but if you see Johnny will you congratulate him for me
Dennis: I will
(Marissa smiles and leaves. we see a close up of Dennis watching her. a door in the background opens and Johnny comes out. Johnny nods to Dennis and Dennis nods back as if to say "I did it". Johnny looks almost sad)
CUT TO: Cohen backyard - it's now dark and Ryan, Summer and Seth are still sitting where they were before
Seth: Summer, we can't wait any longer Marissa's not coming
(Summer looks from Seth to Ryan, disappointed)
Summer: ok, fine
Ryan: alright, ill tell Sandy
(Marissa comes over)
Marissa: Sandy's waiting in the car (Ryan, Summer & Seth look over) I told him we'd be right out, you guys ready (smiles)
Ryan: yeah
(Ryan, Summer and Seth stand. Summer looks happy again)
CUT TO: Harbor school - we are inside the room of the board meeting. a few people are already in there. we see Julie and Neil walk in together amd on the other side of the room Marissa, Ryan, Sandy and Kirsten come in
Marissa: (to Sandy) thanks so much for doing this
Ryan: yeah really it means alot
Sandy: oh ornery judge, captive audience, righteousness on my side I feel right at home
Kirsten: ooooh, this is what you do, you'll be great (smiles)
(Jim Mercer comes in near Sandy and Kirsten)
Sandy: judge Mercer (holds out hand) Sandy Cohen
Jim: (looks at Sandy's hand) I know who you are, be a cold day in hell Cohen, I'm looking forward to this
(Sandy smiles and Jim heads to the front)
Kirsten: oh yeah, you gotta bury him
(Seth and Summer come in. at the same time Matt comes in at the opposite end of the room and goes over to Sandy and Kirsten)
Matt: Sandy (Sandy & Kirsten look over) hi Kirsten, sorry to bother you both but uh
Sandy: we're about to start here
Matt: yeah I know (holds up folder) I think you wanna hear this
Sandy: alright (to Kirsten) be right back
Kirsten: ok
(the next thing we see is Sandy and Matt out in the hall. behind them Veronica and Taylor are near the doorway about to go in)
Taylor: mom please if you wanna do this it's your decision but don't make me face my friends while you do it
Veronica: Taylor you are either with me or against me (Taylor closes her eyes) now which is it
Taylor: (goes to speak) ...I have'ta go to the little girls room
(Taylor walks off. Veronica sees Dr Kim arrive and goes over to her)
Veronica: Dr Kim may I have a word with you
Dr Kim: (unenthusiastically) yes, of course you can
(we are now back with Matt and Sandy)
Matt: I had my guy keep digging (holds out papers)
Sandy: oh I've been thinkin about this, I don't know (reads)
(Matt raises his eyebrows at Sandy. Sandy looks at Matt)
Sandy: tell me everything
(we are now back in the room of the board meeting. Seth and Summer have their ears up against a phone)
Seth: hey, Taylor, it's Seth
Summer: and Summer
(we now see Taylor on her phone)
Taylor: hi Seth an Summer
Seth: so we were kinda hopin we might see ya here at the meeting
Taylor: yeah uh...no, sorry guys (Summer & Seth listen) I know you must be really mad at me
Seth: no it's ok, its your mom we get it, well listen thanks for tryin we'll just uh...we'll let you know how everything goes
Taylor: thanks...that's really nice
(we hear the sound of Seth & Summer hanging up. Taylor looks as though she feels bad - back in the meeting)
Summer: look (to Seth) speak of the devil literally
(Seth, Summer, Marissa and Ryan look over and we see Veronica come in. she goes straight over to Neil who is standing talking with Julie)
Veronica: Neil (touches Neil's arm) always a pleasure
Neil: Veronica
(Veronica and Neil touch cheeks and make a kissing sound)
Neil: you know Julie Cooper-Nichol
Julie: hi
Veronica: of course, Marissa's a real (looks at Neil, pointedly) chip off the old block isn't she
(Ryan and Marissa look at each other)
Neil: I couldn't agree with you more (Julie looks at him) brains, beauty an a flare for fashion (Julie smiles)
Veronica: (not impressed) excuse me
(Veronica walks between Neil and Julie. Julie smiles at Neil. Neil motions "after you" to Julie and then puts his hand on the small of her back as they head to their seats. Marissa looks worried)
Marissa: maybe this was a bad idea (Ryan looks at her)
(Veronica, Jim and 2 other men are seated at the long table at the front of the room)
Jim: good evening, thankyou all for coming, I see its a full house tonight an I think we all know what or should I say who (Marissa looks at Summer & Seth, Summer looks at her) brought in the crowd, so why don't we just start with the matter of uh Marissa Cooper (looks at Veronica) uh Miss Townsend, you are speaking on behalf of the parents association, would you care to open
(Ryan and Marissa watch)
Seth: (to Kirsten) where's dad
Kirsten: he'll be right back
(Veronica is now at the podium)
Veronica: thankyou judge Mercer, as I'm sure you all know Marissa Cooper shot (Marissa looks down) a boy in the back, as head of the parents association, an a concerned parent myself (Julie blinks, Kirsten listens) I can tell you this is not what the parents want
(Taylor qiuetly sneaks in at the back of the room holding the petition and wearing a "Free Marissa" shirt. aww)
Veronica: an this is not what the Harbor students want either
Taylor: yes it is!
(everybody turns to look at Taylor. Summer looks at Seth and then Veronica)
Veronica: (unimpressed) sit - down young lady, children are not permitted to address the board
Summer: (stands) um but (points) there allowed to address each other, right
(Veronica looks at Jim. Jim nods)
Summer: Taylor why don't you show us what you've got
Taylor: (nods) it's a petition, with over three hundred signatures (Ryan & Marissa look at her) basically the entire student body
(Veronica is stunned. Taylor gives the petition to Jim at the front of the room. Ryan and Marissa look suprised. Jim and the other men look over the petition. Summer moves over so Taylor can sit between herself and Seth. aww. Taylor has a huge smile on her face)
Jim: well this is all well an good, but Miss Townsend is correct students do not make the decisions in these matters
Julie: (stands) well I am not a student an I would like to tell everyone here that Marissa (Marissa looks down) has shown such dignity an maturity throughout this entire nightmare
Veronica: of course you think so, you're her mother (Julie glares at her)
Neil: your absolutely right Veronica (stands) so ill speak on behalf of Miss Cooper
Seth: (claps) go - Dr - Roberts (Neil & Taylor look at him) you rock you (points) sorry (looks down) sir (motions for Neil to continue)
Neil: Marissa Cooper has been living (a frustrated Veronica sits down) in my home for the past few months, so I can say without hesitation (puts hand on Marissa's shoulder) that this young lady would make any father proud (Marissa looks down) an this school would be lucky to have her (Summer smiles proudly)
Jim: well that's a nice sentiment Dr Roberts (Neil sits) an this student petition is (Julie smiles at Neil) certainly meaningful but I don't think I can advise the board to break precedent here, this school has never readmitted a student (Ryan looks at Dr Kim, Dr Kim raises her eyebrows) who has been expelled for reasons relating ta violence
Ryan: uh that's (Marissa & Summer look at him) not exactly true (Jim looks at him) uh there is precedent | Plan: A: a case; Q: What do Ryan, Seth, and Summer create to bring Marissa back to Harbor? A: Johnny's dismay; Q: What is the reaction of Johnny to the case to bring Marissa back to Harbor? A: the judge's verdict; Q: What could Sandy's ethical work decision influence? A: Neil; Q: Who is determined to tell his daughters what he has been hiding from them? A: their daughters; Q: Who do Neil and Julie want to tell about Marissa? Summary: Ryan, Seth, and Summer create a case to bring Marissa back to Harbor, much to Johnny's dismay; Sandy must make an ethical work decision that could influence the judge's verdict. Meanwhile, Neil and Julie are determined to tell their daughters what they've been hiding from them. |
INT. - MARC'S OFFICE (ALICE'S BOSS) - DAY
[Alice and her boss, Marc, are sitting in his office. Alice is trying to illustrate the lesbian love connection chart she was showing to Dana at the end of the last episode. She uses an electronic drawing pad to write it all out.]
Alice: They're random acts of s*x. K? They're encounters, romances, one-night stands, twenty-year marriages. Anytime...
Marc: Mm-hmm.
Alice: ... you get a group of gay girls together, you are guaranteed someone slept with someone else. Who has slept with someone else, who slept with someone else, and on and on.
[Alice writes something on the drawing pad and Marc's laptop screen suddenly begins to fill with names, all connected by lines. Shane is at the center.]
Marc: Mm-hmm.
Alice: Name any lesbian you know. I can link her to me in, like, six moves.
Marc: Christine Lee.
Alice: Christine Lee. Easy. Allright. Let me think about this.
[Alice leans over the drawing pad and starts to scribble.]
Alice: Okay. She was with Grace Partridge, couple years ago.
[She writes that down.]
Alice: Grace had a one-night thing with Anya...
[She draws a line from Grace to Anya, which appears on the laptop screen.]
Alice: ... then Anya dated Denise...
[She draws a line from Anya to Denise.]
Alice: ... who lived with Katherine Claymore...
[She draws a line from Denise to Katherine.]
Alice: ... who was my first girlfriend out of college.
[She draws a line from Katherine to her own name, which has several lines springing out of it.]
Alice: It's amazing, right?
[Marc purses his lips and raises his brows - not so amazing to him.]
Alice: Allright, Marc, it's not just about lesbians. It's - I could put you on this thing. And, probably, like, six connections, easy. I mean, one, if you slept with Anya.
Marc: So?
Alice: So? So the point is we're all connected! See? Through love, through loneliness, through one tiny, lamentable lapse in judgment.
[Marc furrows his brow a little.]
Marc: Hmm.
Alice: (dramatizing) All of us. In our isolation. We... reach out! From... the darkness! From the alienation of modern life. To form these connections.
Marc: (nods) Mm-hmm.
Alice: I think it's a really profound statement about the nature of human existence. (relenting) Allright. I - I could just do a piece on... vaginal rejuvenation.
Marc: Now that I like.
Alice: (nods) (to self) Great.
[main title credits.]
EXT. - RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY
[Tina is returning from jogging. She jogs to a stop on the sidewalk.]
Tina: (catching breath) (to self) Yeah. Let's do it.
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY
[Bette is in her robe, combing her hair, fresh from a shower. Tina comes in and walks up to Bette's side.]
Tina: Guess what.
Bette: Mmm? I'm all nice and clean, are you gonna get me sweaty and stinky?
Tina: Not now. But later for sure. When we do the insemination.
[Bette stops combing and turns to Tina.]
Tina: You and me. Tonight, here at home. Sexy in love, with no doctors...
[Tina kisses Bette.]
Tina: ... no fluorescent lights, no paper gowns... d'ya want to?
[They giggle at each other. Tina starts getting out of her jogging stuff to shower.]
Bette: (smiling) Oh, I want to, but last time I checked, you really needed sperm to make it worthwhile.
Tina: I'm going to the cryobank this afternoon.
Bette: For Marcus' sperm?
Tina: Yes. (turns to Bette) I don't know what I was thinking. I... there's no reason on earth that I wouldn't want to make a baby with you using a donor who's black.
[Bette walks over to Tina.]
Tina: I - I think - I think I was really -
Bette: Don't think.
[Bette kisses Tina.]
Bette: 'Cause I would love to make a baby with you. [kiss] Tonight. [kiss] In our home. [kiss]
[Bette takes Tina into the shower and closes the door.]
Bette: In our bed. [kiss] Just you and me. [kiss]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - DAY
[Tim is getting his athletic gear together, about to leave. Jenny comes in.]
Jenny: Tim, can I - can I talk to you?
[Tim heads toward the door.]
Tim: Right now babe? Really gotta get going. The girls are already in the water. God, you should've seen Trish yesterday. She was on fire, and Mary... If I could just keep them right in that zone we're absolutely going to ream SC on Saturday.
Jenny: (smiling) Go team.
Tim: You bet your sweet ass.
[Tim leaves.]
EXT. - AN APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY
[Shane is coming out of the breezeway of an apartment building. Just as she gets to the door, a girl comes bounding up behind her.]
Girl: Wait, wait, wait, hold on, hold on!
[Shane stops and turns around. The girl and Shane share a sexy kiss.]
Girl: So when am I gonna see you again?
Shane: Um, I'll - I'll be at Milk on Thursday.
Girl: Okay!
Shane: Mm?
Girl: I'll see you there.
[Shane smiles at her, and points to under the girl's eye.]
Shane: Go like that.
[The girl reaches up to her own eye and brushes away a stray eyelash or something.]
Shane: (smiling) You just had something.
Girl: Yeah? Thanks.
[Shane touches the girl's chin.]
Shane: (smiling) I'll see ya later.
Girl: Okay! Bye.
Shane: Bye, baby.
[Shane heads down the steps. The girl goes back inside.]
[Shane pulls out her cellphone and calls someone as she walks.]
[Nearby, Lacey watches, slumped down in the driver's seat of her car, a jealous and hurt look on her face. She has little statues of Mary and Jesus on her dashboard, and a rosary around her hand.]
Shane: (phone) Hey, what are you doing? Yeah, let's get together. Allright. See you soon.
[Shane gets into an old pickup truck. Lacey watches.]
EXT. - COUNTRY CLUB - TENNIS COURTS - DAY
[Dana is on the court, training with her coach. He's on the phone. She's on one foot, jumping backwards, as he walks.]
Coach: (phone) Yeah. Good. (to Dana) Higher, higher, higher, higher.
[Dana jumps a little higher.]
Coach: (phone) No, I'm uh, talking to Dana. Okay, how much time do I have? Okay, then I guess it's going to be, like, ten minutes, allright? Okay, I'll call you back. Allright. Bye. (ends call) (to Dana) Whoa.
[Dana stops and pants.]
Coach: Why don't we take a break, you get a light snack, and we come back, we work on those legs of yours. Allright?
Dana: (catching breath) Okay, what like... 45 minutes, what?
Coach: 45 minutes. Great. K?
Dana: (a little annoyed) 45 minutes, yeah...
[The Coach immediately walks off.]
Dana: Okay.
EXT. - BUSY COMMERCIAL STREET - VENICE BEACH MEDICAL BUILDING - DAY
[Alice walks up to the building and reads the tenants placard. She presses the intercom button.]
Lady on Intercom: Reviva. Who is it?
Alice: Uhh... yeah, uh... Alice Peters, I have an appointment.
Lady on Intercom: I don't understand. What do you want?
Alice: (enunciating) I have an appointment.
Lady on Intercom: For what? What do you want?
Alice: Allright, I need to get my v*g1n* rejuvenated!
[Alice looks around quickly to see if anyone heard.]
Lady on Intercom: Well, why didn't you just say so?
[People walking by giggle and gawk at Alice. The door buzzer sounds. Embarrassed, Alice opens the door and heads in.]
INT. - VENICE BEACH MEDICAL BUILDING - REVIVA OFFICES
[Alice enters the office and heads to the reception counter. She picks up a pamphlet and reads it. The receptionist is busy with something out of view.]
Alice: Um, hi, um, Alice Peters.
[Gabby, the receptionist, sees Alice.]
Gabby: Alice!
Alice: (startled) Gabby!
Gabby: (standing) Don't do it, Alice, I mean the recovery is supposed to be hell!
Alice: Um, can you tell the doctor I'm here.
[Alice turns to walk to a chair. Gabby stands up and leans over the desk.]
Gabby: (whispering) Alice!
Alice: (turns around) (whispering sharply) What?
Gabby: (whispering) I behaved badly and I'm sorry, I - I was an asshole, I know that. I freaked out. I was really intense, and -
[Alice looks as if she doesn't have time for this.]
Gabby: (whispering) I wasn't ready for it. But... I still have feelings for you. I mean, I think about you all the time.
[Alice looks immensely uncomfortable.]
Gabby: (whispering) You look great.
[Alice looks down at herself.]
Alice: (whispering sharply) Look, I am not doing this again, Gabby!
Gabby: (whispering) Please!
Alice: (whispering) No!
Gabby: (whispering) Let me try again, I mean, can't we just... have lunch?
Alice: (whispering) No!
Gabby: (whispering) Just lunch.
Alice: (whispering) I don't - okay.
Gabby: (whispering) Just lunch. I'll prove to you how much I've changed. (smiles) Say yes, Alice.
[Alice looks at her, obviously torn.]
Gabby: (whispering) Just say yes.
[The phone rings. Gabby sits down to answer it.]
Gabby: (phone) Hello, Reviva.
[Alice grabs her purse and goes to sit down.]
Gabby: (phone) Let me check the books.
[Alice walks up to a couch, where a girl sits on a round cushion.]
Gabby: (phone) Um, okay, what about Tuesday the 23rd, around 3? 3 o'clock? He's got a whole hour there.
[The girl gets up to move for Alice and then she gingerly sits on the cushion again. Alice grabs a magazine and sits down.]
Gabby: (phone) Oh, okay, um, I'm afraid they're not until two weeks later, actually.
[After a moment, Alice glances up at Gabby, smiling.]
Gabby: (phone) On the Thursday at 10:00 AM. Would that be good for you? Great, great. I'll put you in.
INT. - COUNTRY CLUB - RESTAURANT - DAY
[Dana is sitting at a table, eating celery sticks and carrots. The waiter comes over and sets down a plate of lush vegetables and dips. Piano music plays in the background.]
Dana: I didn't order that.
Waiter: I know. They're from her. (points)
[Dana looks over to where he's pointing, which is the kitchen. Lara Perkins, sous-chef, smiles at her. Dana looks up at the waiter.]
Waiter: Lara Perkins, our sous-chef.
Dana: Soup chef?
Waiter: (chuckles) Yeah. Right.
[The waiter walks off. Dana looks over at Lara, then back at her plate, then back at Lara. Lara looks up, and Dana immediately turns around. With a self-satisfied grin, she digs in.]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - DAY
[Jenny stands by the answering machine. Marina's voice is heard.]
Marina: (machine) Hi Jenny. It's Marina. I was thinking about you.
[The machine beeps. Jenny walks away.]
INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Jenny is typing at her desk.]
Jenny: (voice over) "It washed up on the beach, a swollen, tangled mass in seaweed. A jogger stepped, hovered, poked at it with her toe. Sarah Schuster's body flopped back, her still-limpid eyes staring up at the sky."
JENNY'S DAYDREAM -
[Dark, haunting, Eastern music plays as we pan down from the sun in the sky, to a beach. On the beach lays the body of a young woman.]
INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Jenny continues to type as the music continues.]
INT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[The place is busy. Shane walks in. Music plays in the background.]
[Lacey quickly walks up to Shane and starts to angrily flash a camera in her face.]
Lacey: You are so over and a day!
Shane: (ducking) Lacey, stop.
Lacey: Busted, bitch!
[Shane tries to keep Lacey at bay but Lacey continues to blow the flashbulb in her eyes. Shane continues to push the camera away, but she doesn't raise her voice.]
Shane: Please, Lacey, stop.
Lacey: You can just kiss your little 4-F's goodbye!
Shane: Lacey, stop.
Marina: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[Marina forcefully separates Lacey from Shane. Shane moves away quickly. Dana and Alice gawk at Lacey.]
Marina: What are you talking about?
Lacey: The 4-F's! She finds 'em, feels 'em, f*cks 'em and forgets 'em! But I'm gonna tell the whole world who you are!
[Lacey snaps more pictures. Shane's losing her temper. Marina forcefully drags Lacey outside.]
EXT. - THE STREET OUTSIDE THE PLANET - DAY
Lacey: (to Marina) You are so f*cked for kicking me out!
Marina: (pointing at Lacey) Calm down, figure it out somewhere else! And keep it away from my friends and my business!
Lacey: (yelling) You'll see, Shane!
[Lacey storms off. Marina tosses up a hand at her and turns to go back inside.]
[Just then, Jenny pulls up in Tim's car. Marina waves at her, but Jenny only looks at her before she drives off. Marina throws up her arms and heads back inside.]
INT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[Marina walks back inside and leans over the counter.]
Marina: (to someone behind counter) Ritorno più tardi. (I'll return later.)
[Marina walks off.]
[Shane and Alice sit next to each other on a couch. Dana sits across from them in a chair. Alice flips through a copy of Girlfriends magazine. Dana and Shane look at each other.]
Alice: Allright, what's up with Jenny and Marina.
Shane: (shrugs) Nothing, as far as I know.
Dana: What, what's going on with Jenny and Marina?
Shane: Look, guys, it's none of our business, just let it go.
[Alice raises a brow at Dana.]
Dana: I thought Jenny was straight.
Alice: Dana, most girls are straight until they're not. And then... sometimes they're gay 'til they're not.
Shane: True, but there are also the ones that never look back. Right? And you can spot them coming a mile away.
Dana: How can you tell?
Alice: You read the signals.
Dana: That's my problem.
Shane: Dana, it's not a problem. Allright.
[Dana rolls her eyes.]
Shane: No. Sexuality is fluid, whether you're gay or you're straight or you're bisexual, you just go with the flow.
Dana: No, no, no. That - is my problem, okay. I can't feel the flow. That... thing, whatever it is, I don't got it.
[The realization hits Alice.]
Alice: You don't have gaydar.
Dana: No.
Alice: You're so right, you don't have it!
Shane: No, everyone's got it...
Alice: No.
Shane: ... you just have to tune in.
[Dana is shaking her head.]
Shane: Yes.
Alice: I'm gonna prove it. See that girl who just came in?
Dana: Okay. (turns around)
[A girl stands at the counter, facing away from the group. Dana looks at her.]
Alice: What is she?
Dana: A customer?
[Shane shakes her head.]
Dana: (frustrated) I don't know!
Shane: Dana, look at her fingernails, are they long or short?
Alice: Are they polished or natural?
[Dana turns to look.]
Dana: They're long and polished. (looks at Alice) Sooo, she's -
Shane: Leaning to straight, but we still need more info.
[Dana sighs.]
Alice: Look at the shoes.
Dana: (looking) High-heeled sandals.
Alice: With tapered jeans.
[Dana looks at Alice, a little flummoxed.]
Alice: Would you wear high-heeled sandals with tapered jeans?
[Dana still looks confused. She looks to Shane, then back at Alice.]
Dana: Yes?
Alice: No.
[Dana throws up her hands.]
Dana: Oh god! Look, I've only ever seen her in her chef's uniform.
Shane: Dana, I doubt that woman's a chef.
Alice: (to Shane) (chuckling) No, no, no. She's got a thing for a chef.
Dana: (smiling) I do.
Shane: Dana, I'm impressed, you're into someone and you want to know whether or not they're down.
Dana: She's down?
Alice: Whether she plays for our team. The gay team.
Dana: (snarky) Wait... don't the bisexuals have their own team?
[Alice and Shane chuckle.]
Alice: Allright. I'm gonna help you, even though you're extremely annoying. Do you know the name of this girl, first and last?
Dana: (chuckling) Yes, I do.
Alice: Allright. You know the chart?
Dana: Yeah...
Alice: Okay. I put it on the internet -
Shane/Dana: You what?
Alice: Allright, don't freak. It's really cool. This thing is growing. People are adding names. And it's, like, growing exponentially.
Shane: That's great, Alice, I love the sound of that.
INT. - THE GARAGE - DAY
[Jenny is still at her desk, writing.]
Jenny: (voice over) "The cold, clammy wind blew. Sara's coffin was lowered into the ruddy, damp earth."
JENNY'S DAYDREAM -
[Dark, haunting, Eastern music plays as a somber scene unfolds by a graveside. Several people stand near in black suits. A man and woman in the back clasp hands. They look at each other.]
[The woman unzips the man's fly and slips her hand inside. The man slides his hand up her arm. The camera pans up to reveal that it's actually Marina and Jenny. They kiss passionately. After a moment, Marina pulls away.]
Marina: I was thinking about you.
[Jenny looks into the distance as a crow caws nearby.]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - DAY
[Jenny runs to the answering machine and presses the play button.]
Marina: (machine) Hi Jenny. It's Marina. I was thinking about you.
[She runs the tape back.]
Marina: (machine) I was thinking about you.
[Jenny smiles a little. She puts her fingers over her lips.]
[The machine beeps.]
Machine: End of final message. Press erase again to erase all messages.
[Jenny hesitates, her finger over the erase button. She presses it. The machine beeps.]
Machine: No messages.
[Jenny puts her hand on her mouth and stares the machine.]
INTERSTITIAL - SCENES OF L.A.
[Scenes of pretty, suburban houses.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[Bette and Tina are preparing for the big night. They smile at each other. Bette pours wine. Romantic music - Wild Strawberries' "Blunt" - plays in the background.]
Bette: To us.
[Tina removes the lid off the cryobank storage canister and pulls out a small vial of Marcus Allenwood's sperm.]
Bette: To our future.
[They toast each other and sip the wine.]
Tina: (looking at vial) To Marcus Allenwood's unbelievably high sperm count.
[Bette and Tina chuckle.]
Bette: It's fascinating.
Tina: (looking at vial) It's very clear pink. Sean's was kind of greenish.
Bette: More viscous.
[Tina groans a little.]
Bette: No, don't be grossed out.
[Bette takes the vial and sets it down on the counter in front of them.]
Bette: We have to honor it.
[Bette, smiling, folds hands in prayer and bows at the vial.]
Bette: (to the vial) (smiling) We honor you.
[Tina puts her wine down and follows suit, folding her hands and bowing at the vial.]
Tina: (to the vial) We honor you.
[Bette laughs.]
Tina: (bowing) All 75 million of you.
[They both laugh, then take a deep breath and sigh. It's time.]
Bette: Do we have everything we need... Let's see...
Tina: Yeah. (points to something)
Bette: Okay.
[Bette opens an insemination kit. From it, Tina pulls out a syringe (catheter) and a diaphragm and looks them over.]
Tina: Syringe. Diaphragm.
Bette: (picking up vial) Magical juice.
Tina: Magic juice.
[Bette kisses Tina. They walk into the bedroom.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Music continues. Tina sits on the bed. Bette kisses her. They lay down.]
[Moments later.]
Bette: (whispering) Let's do it.
Tina: Yeah, let's do it.
[Bette reaches for the syringe.]
[Closeup cutscenes of Bette taking the lid off the vial, inserting the syringe, the sperm flowing up the catheter, Bette pressing the syringe plunger, and the sperm flowing out of the catheter. Closeup of Bette's eye as the lights go down.]
INT. - ALICE'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[Alice is showing Shane and Dana the brand new, 3-D love connection chart on her computer. The new chart is not unlike a huge star map showing hundreds of constellations across the galaxy. Dozens of lines and names are shown. Shane taps her own name, in the center of the screen; it lights up, as do several names connected to it.]
Shane: Look at that, I'm the center of the universe.
Alice: You're a major hub. I mean, there's one other girl - Mary O'Reilly who dated this lesbian p0rn star.
[Alice scrolls over to that section of the chart.]
Shane: Yeah?
Alice: She has a crazier matrix than you.
Shane: (pointing) Oh, there's a, um - there's a dotted line -
Alice: (typing) Oh.
Shane: There's a dotted line, no...
Alice: (typing) No, no.
Shane: ... between you and Gabby Devaux.
[Shane and Dana both point out the dotted line linking Alice and Gabby. Alice hits a few keys on the keyboard.]
Dana: Yeah, it's right there.
[The dotted line suddenly disappears.]
Alice: No. There isn't.
[Shane looks at Alice.]
Alice: I ran into her the other day. Okay? I was doing research on my vaginal rejuvenation story, she was a Reviva receptionist...
Shane: Mm-hmm?
Alice: (amused) I mean, she thought I was there for the surgery. And she was like, "But Alice, your pussy's tight." Y'know? Like, "Why're you here?"
[Nobody else is amused. Alice goes back to the chart.]
Alice: She looked good. It's funny.
Dana: Didn't she treat you like sh1t, Al?
Shane: Worse than that. Al, I swear I will kill you if you get back together with her.
Alice: Okay. Shane, I'm not going to get back together with her. K? It's not gonna happen. Allright?
Shane: No. I'm serious.
Alice: (to Dana) Allright. What's the name of your little cook?
Dana: (blushing) Uh, Lara Perkins. L-A-R-A. Perkins.
Alice: (back to chart) Okay.
Dana: She's, uh... she's the soup chef. (chuckles)
Alice: A sous-chef?
Dana: Hmm?
Alice: Like an assistant chef?
Dana: (doesn't get it) Oh, yeah.
Alice: Sous-chef.
Dana: Yeah, yeah, that's totally what she is. Yeah.
Shane: Sous-chef.
Alice: (typing) Okay. Well, I might as well start with Shane.
Shane: Why must you do that?
Alice: Chances are, if she's into girls, y'know?
[The computer begins to search for Lara's name.]
Shane: Wh - it - Dane? It totally wouldn't have meant anything.
Dana: Oh, that's comforting, thanks.
Alice: She's not on it.
Dana: What does that mean?
Alice: I did a - I did a whole search. Well, it means she didn't sleep with Shane...
Shane: See?
Alice: ... which is good, but she didn't sleep with anyone.
[Alice closes the laptop.]
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Post-insemination bliss. Tina is on the bed, propped up on pillows, legs in the air. Bette is next to the bed.]
Tina: How long do I have to stay this way?
Bette: (holding diaphragm) Do you want to try putting the diaphragm in again?
[Bette picks something off of the diaphragm.]
Bette: Ooh. God, that's disgusting. I've really got to tell Sonya to clean under there.
[Someone rings the doorbell. Persistently. And knocks.]
Tina: Did we forget something?
Bette: Noo....
EXT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
[Shane is banging on the front door. Alice stands to the other side. Dana paces slowly back and forth.]
[Bette opens the door.]
Shane: Hi, were you sleeping?
Bette: Not exactly.
Alice: Yeah, we tried to call but no one answered.
Bette: So the logical conclusion was just to come over?
Alice: No, uh, it's an emergency, y'know, started as a gaydar thing, Shane and I are totally capable of handling that, but this one has major relationship stuff.
Bette: Uh-huh.
[Alice breezes past Bette and goes inside. Shane follows.]
Shane: Yeah, I think at this point she needs expert advice.
Dana: (feeling pitiful) I'm so embarrassed. I'm sorry.
Bette: (smiling) It's okay Dana. We were finished.
[Bette reaches for Dana and pulls her inside.]
Dana: Oh, my god...
INT. - BETTE & TINA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Bette leads the gang back to the bedroom.]
Alice: (offscreen) Where is she?
[Bette enters the bedroom, everyone else following.]
Alice: Oh, hey!
Tina: Hey.
[Alice picks up the syringe/catheter that contained Marcus Allenwood's sperm.]
Alice: What is this?
[She depresses the plunger.]
Tina: Marcus Allenwood.
[Marcus Allenwood's sperm shoots out of the syringe and into Dana's hair. Dana freaks.]
Dana: Oh, god! sh1t!
Alice: Okay! Okay! Allright!
[Alice grabs a towel and helps Dana wipe it off. Everyone laughs. Bette sits down next to Tina.]
Alice: That is disgusting.
Dana: Oh my god, get it off, get it off!
Alice: Okay! You're not going to get pregnant through your sweater!
Dana: Thanks, I know. Allright, I got it. I'll get it.
[Alice lets Dana handle it from there.]
Shane: Wait. So, we could be here at the moment of conception.
Bette: (smiling) You could. Yes.
Shane: Well then, I'm really sorry. Would you like us to leave?
Bette: (smiling) That would be too late.
Tina: Yeah, why don't you guys just tell us about the emergency?
[Alice sits on the bed next to Tina. Shane sits by the window.]
Shane: The emergency is Miss Dana is hot for this lil nugget at her country club.
Alice: Lara Perkins. Looked her up on the chart, not on it.
Dana: I just wanna know if she's -
Tina: If she's gay?
Bette: Have you looked at her fingernails?
Alice: Not gonna work. She's a chef.
Tina: What kind of dresser is she?
Dana: Well, she wears this cute little white uniform. Sometimes she wears a stripey apron.
[Everyone chuckles.]
Bette: But, what about, um, personal interaction. I mean, is she flirtatious, does she make a lot of eye contact?
Tina: Does she touch your hand when she's talking to you?
Dana: Um... well, I haven't really talked to her up close yet.
Alice: What, do you guys shout across the room?
Dana: No.
[Bette and Tina giggle. Shane smiles.]
Dana: Look, I just wanna know... I just, before I talk to her, and - and make an ass of myself, I just - I just wanna know whether or not she's -
Bette: Dana, honey, we can't, you know, possibly make any kind of accurate analysis when you haven't even had a conversation with her. I mean, we need something to go on.
Dana: Well, she sends me food.
Bette: Mm-hmm.
Dana: She... she sends me vegetables on skewers, with, um, with like these perfect little grill marks on them? And, um, sometimes she sends me these dipping sauces with like no fat or anything else heavy in them, not to mess up my training, you know.
[Bette smiles.]
Tina: These skewered vegetables? Did she come up with them all on her own or - or did you order them?
Dana: No, she just sends them.
Bette: But she hasn't spoken to you.
Dana: No.
Shane: (seriously) Ask her out.
c Bette: No, no, no, Dana cannot do that. And that's totally understandable. You don't want to put yourself out there for someone who maybe is just being nice to you, because, you know, you're an important person at the club.
Dana: (nodding) Exactly.
Alice: Please don't encourage her.
Bette: It's okay, Dana. We are gonna take care of this.
Alice: (gasps) You mean?
Bette: I mean.
Dana: (laughs) What?
Bette: (smiling) We are going to deploy a mission to ascertain the disposition and intent of one Miss Lara Perkins.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. - ALICE'S APARTMENT - DAY
[The computer screen shows the now infamous chart. The names begin to blink as new lines suddenly begin to form all on their own.]
INT. - COUNTRY CLUB - LOCKER ROOM
[Dana is at her locker, finishing getting changed. Her agent comes in.]
Agent: Hey!
Dana: (startled) What are you doing in here?
Agent: Well. There's nothing in here I haven't seen before, believe me. Oh, where's the shorts?
[Dana looks down at herself.]
Agent: The ones you wore yesterday.
Dana: They're in the wash. Why?
Agent: They make your ass look better.
[Dana chuckles and gets something out of her locker.]
Agent: Not to worry. Subaru's interested in more than a good ass.
Dana: Subaru?
Agent: Yeah. The campaign. There's gonna be a rep in the stands tomorrow watching you train.
Dana: Oh my god. (jumping up and down) Oh my god, oh my god!
[He laughs and they hug. He feels the muscles in her upper arm.]
Agent: Oh, Jesus. Honey...
Dana: What?
Agent: ... can you pump up a little before you hit the court...
Dana: Yeah, hah, hah.
Agent: ... allright? I want to see veins popping.
Dana: Okay!
Agent: Who busts his balls for you?
Dana: (pointing at him) You do!
[They smack fists.]
Agent: That's right. Grr!
Dana: Right!
Agent: Wear the shorts.
Dana: I'll wear the shorts!
[The manager leaves. Dana sits on the bench.]
Dana: (laughing) Oh my god.
[Dana lays across the bench and sighs. Lara comes in and goes to her locker to change.]
Lara: Hey! You okay?
[Dana sits up suddenly. She turns around to see Lara, but sees that Lara is changing, so turns back around.]
Dana: Uh... I'm fine! (chuckling) I'm fine. That was my agent. He, uh, he just told me Subaru might want to use me for an ad campaign. So, uh, they're gonna watch me train tomorrow.
[Dana sneaks a peek back at Lara, who is in a t-shirt, but quickly turns back around. Dana is jittery and excited.]
Dana: Which is so cool.
[Dana rolls her eyes at herself.]
Lara: Yeah! That's... that's so exciting!
Dana: Yeah, yeah it is. It is, kinda. I mean, you know, I can't mess up. So.
[Dana closes her eyes and breathes in slowly. Lara puts on a fresh jacket.]
Lara: I'm sure you won't. Um. You can turn around, now. My jacket's back on.
[Dana giggles.]
Lara: My job is so messy. I have to change, like, three times a day.
Dana: Yeah? You always look nice when I see you.
[Lara looks at Dana.]
Dana: I mean... I mean, you never look dirty.
[Dana chuckles uneasily. Lara smiles.]
Dana: When I see you.
[Dana turns around and makes a face as if she's about to explode.]
Dana: (standing) I gotta go. I - I have to - I have to go.
Lara: Listen, why don't you come by later? I'll send something down for you.
Dana: (excited) Okay. Yeah!
Lara: Great.
Dana: Thank you.
Lara: Bye.
Dana: Bye.
[Dana walks off, then returns and picks up her duffle bag.]
Dana: (snaps) Bag. (grins) Bye.
Lara: Bye.
INT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[Alice is sitting alone. She checks her watch. Shane, Bette and Tina walk up.]
Shane: Hey, Al. How'd it go?
[Alice stands up, saying nothing.]
Shane: You're not serious. Maybe it's for the best.
Bette: What is?
Shane: Well, Gabby Devaux stood Alice up.
Alice: Yeah.
Bette: Nevermind. Let's go help Dana out, then we can work out your situation.
[The group start to leave when Gabby arrives.]
Gabby: Alice? I am so sorry I'm late.
Alice: Yeah. Yeah, you really are.
Gabby: Working on my screenplay, lost track of time. You're a writer, you know how it is.
Alice: Yeah.
Gabby: Can you forgive me?
Alice: Yeah, um... my friends are waiting. I should probably go.
Gabby: Do you have to do everything your friends want you to do?
Bette: Alice? We really gotta go.
Alice: (to Bette) Okay.
Gabby: Oh, yeah. You do.
Bette: C'mon, Alice. We've gotta go.
Alice: (to Bette) Okay.
[Alice turns to go, but looks back at Gabby.]
Alice: (mouthing the words) (to Gabby) Call me.
Tina: Allright, guys.
Bette: Let's do it!
[Everyone leaves.]
EXT. - COUNTRY CLUB - DRIVEWAY - DAY
[The girls make their way up to the country club in Alice's car.]
EXT. - COUNTRY CLUB - PARKING LOT - DAY
[Alice parks the car and the girls get out and head inside.]
INT. - COUNTRY CLUB - RESTAURANT - DAY
[The girls walk in and set up. Bette and Tina sit together; Alice takes a table in another area. Bette takes off her sunglasses and opens her cell phone. Alice opens up a notepad. Tina walks in, followed closely by Shane, both of them wearing sunglasses.]
Tina: (whispering to Dana) Pretend you don't know us!
[Dana tries to look nonchalant.]
Shane: (smiling) Dana. May I sit with you? (sits) So which one is she?
[Dana discreetly points. Shane turns to see Lara in the kitchen, in her chef's uniform.]
Shane: Wow. Very nice, Dana.
[Dana gives Shane a look.]
Shane: No! I'm here for you. I'm here for you.
[Shane flips open her cell phone. Alice puts her earbud in her ear and reads the display on her phone. She looks up at Lara, who is busy in the kitchen and hasn't noticed them.]
[Bette flips open her cell phone and puts it to her ear. Alice talks discreetly into the phone mic.]
Alice: (phone) It's the redhead.
Bette: (to Tina) It's the cute redhead.
[Tina nods.]
[Alice looks at Lara and busily takes notes. A shot of Lara's shoes.]
Alice: (phone) Kitchen shoes. Neutral.
Tina: (whispering) Look at the earrings.
[Lara continues working.]
Bette: Hoops. Hard to read.
[Lara glances up toward Bette and Tina.]
Tina: (to Bette) Oh, quick! Kiss me!
[Bette and Tina grab each other and kiss feverishly for several moments. Shane grins. Dana's eye bulge.]
Dana: (through clenched teeth) God, what are they doing!
[Lara seems to notice, but looks back down at what she's doing. Alice notes Lara's reaction. The people at the table behind Bette and Tina are in various stages of freaking out. Dana puts her hand to her face and sighs.]
[Shane flips open her phone and puts it to her ear.]
Alice: (phone) Abort.
Shane: (closing phone) (to Dana) Allright. I'll be back.
[Bette, Tina, Alice and Shane all head for the bathroom. Dana watches them go, then sighs.]
INT. - COUNTRY CLUB - BATHROOM - DAY
[Bette, Tina, Alice and Shane head into the bathroom and stand in a group by the sinks. Alice reads from the notes she made. Classical music plays in the background.]
Alice: Allright. So far, it's neck-and-neck.
Bette: Well, she's got some good lezzie points for her walk, and the way she moves that chopping knife.
Shane: Yeah, but she's way femmy on the coiffure tip.
Alice: Yeah, and her reaction to the two of you kissing was split because she didn't freak out which was a good sign, but she hardly paid any attention.
Tina: Yeah, but you guys, she's got 9 in the lez column and she only has 7 in the straight.
Alice: Yeah, but the margin of error is plus or minus 5 percentage points.
Bette: You know what we have to do.
[Tina, Bette and Alice all slowly turn to face Shane. Shane gives them a wary look.]
INT. - COUNTRY CLUB - RESTAURANT - DAY
[Shane walks up to the kitchen window and clears her throat. Lara is sharpening knives a couple of feet away.]
Shane: Hi.
Lara: (leaning over to see Shane) I'm sorry?
Shane: I was just wondering if you had those, uh... y'know, those - those... (gesturing) sweet little figs.
Lara: Oh, I know what you mean, I love figs. Um, unfortunately they're out of season right now.
Shane: (puppy dog eyes) Oh, they are? Well, then, uh...
[Lara glances over toward Dana, Bette and Tina, who are all watching Shane. ]
Shane: (smoothly) I don't know, I was wondering if you just, I don't know, if you could recommend something else. I just kinda have that...
[Dana glares at Bette and Tina.]
Shane: ... have that craving.
Lara: Um... well, sometimes we have these champagne truffles for dessert, but, not today.
[Shane stares at Lara seductively, but Lara does not seem to be taking the bait.]
Shane: Hm.
Lara: Um. (smiles) That's what all that comes to mind.
[Alice watches the exchange.]
Shane: (smiling) And that's it?
Lara: (nods) Yeah, that's it.
Shane: (nods) Allright. Thank you.
[Shane heads back to Dana's table.]
EXT. - COUNTRY CLUB - DAY
[The girls head back out to their car.]
Bette: I'm sorry, Dana. It doesn't look good for Miss Lara Perkins.
Tina: Maybe she's a different kind of lesbian.
Alice: (chuckles) Yeah, the straight kind.
Tina: Yeah, but, the Shane test pretty much works on every woman.
Dana: You didn't get anything from her?
Shane: I got nothin'.
[Bette puts her arm around Dana.]
Bette: Oh, honey, there are a lot of other fish in the sea.
Alice: Gay fish.
[As they're about to cross into the parking lot, Lacey drives past them. She points menacingly at Shane and drives off.]
Alice: Oh, my god.
Bette: Who is that?
Shane: sh1t. (to Alice) Look, will you get me to your car, please?
[Alice and Shane walk ahead to Alice's car.]
EXT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[A worker sets a sign out front of the cafe that reads "The Planet - Open"]
INT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[Alice, Bette and Tina sit at a table. Alice pours herself a cup of coffee. Bette and Tina sip on drinks.]
Alice: I don't know, you guys, you're really cutting edge, now. Lesbian moms. Biracial child.
Bette: We are pretty in, Alice.
Alice: Well, you're going to have no trouble getting that kid into the Center for Early Education. It's gonna be, like, diversity poster child.
[Bette and Tina look at each other. Shane sits down at the table.]
Bette: Hey.
Shane: Hi. Isn't that your neighbor?
[Everyone looks over toward the cash register, at Tim. He smiles and waves as they do.]
Alice: (smiling) You guys think he knows?
Bette: Knows what?
Alice: That his girlfriend's making the team with Marina.
[Bette and Tina laugh. Shane doesn't.]
Bette: That is ridiculous.
Alice: Okay. Allright. I only repeat what I hear. So.
Bette: Did Marina tell you?
Shane: Marina didn't tell her a thing.
Alice: (to Shane) It's what Marina didn't tell me, y'know?
[Tina shakes her head.]
Bette: Why is it so important for you to believe that everyone is sleeping with everyone else?
Alice: (whispering) Because they are.
Bette: No, that's just your little fantasy. Here is a truly radical idea for you to contemplate: Monogamy isn't just hypothetical. Some people actually do practice it.
Alice: Mm-hmm.
[Bette rubs Tina's back. Alice watches the display.]
Alice: Oh. (nods) Right.
AT THE CASH REGISTER -
[Tim waits to pay for his stuff. Marina comes up and dismisses the cashier.]
Marina: (to cashier) Oh, I'll take care of it. Don't worry.
[Tim steps up to the counter and gives Marina money. She gives it back.]
Marina: It's on the house.
Tim: Hey, thank you. How are you?
Marina: (smiling) I'm good, and you?
[Tim nods.]
Marina: Where have you been? I haven't seen you and Jenny in a long time.
[Tim pours himself some coffee.]
Tim: Yeah. I've actually been buried. We have the biggest competition of the year in two weeks. She's just been writing. She hasn't been in at all, huh?
[Marina looks up.]
Marina: Oh, no, not when I was around, no.
Tim: You know what? We're having a dinner party tonight, it was just kind of thrown together at the last minute. You should come.
Marina: (smiling) Well, that's sweet but I have, um, some things to do -
Tim: Seriously. It'll be fun. I mean, you're even going to know people there. Bette and Tina... Jenny would love to have you. Eight o'clock at our house. You can bring anyone you want.
Marina: (smiling) I see what Jenny sees in you.
[Tim blushes a little.]
Tim: (clears throat) Um... (grabs coffee) Thanks. (pauses) Come.
[Tim leaves.]
Marina: Bye.
Tim: Bye.
EXT. - COUNTRY CLUB - TENNIS COURTS - DAY
[Dana is training, playing tennis. She puts on an impressive show for the visiting Subaru representatives, who sit with her agent in the stands.]
EXT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
[Bette, Tina and Marina walk up the steps. Tina has a bottle of wine and Marina has flowers. Bette knocks.]
Tim: (opens door) Wow. Three beautiful women all at once? Please, come in.
[The ladies enter. Each one kisses Tim on the cheek.]
Bette: (kisses Tim) Hey.
Tim: Hi. You look great. Thank you.
Tina: (kisses Tim) Here.
[Tina gives him the wine.]
Tim: Thank you, so much.
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[Marina and Tim kiss on both cheeks; she gives him the flowers. His other guests, Randy and Carol, stand just inside the doorway. Tim introduces everyone. Soft music plays in the background.]
Tim: Randy Jackson, Carol Gargione. These are our nextdoor neighbors, this is Bette Porter...
Bette: (shakes Carol's hand) Hello. Nice to meet you.
Carol: Hi.
Tim: ... Tina Kennard...
Tina: (shakes Randy's hand) Nice to meet you.
Tim: (pointing) And this is Marina...
[Bette shakes Randy's hand.]
Marina: Ferrer.
Tim: Which is exactly why I let her introduce herself.
[Everyone chuckles.]
Tim: Now, I got chili in the kitchen.
[Marina looks around a bit anxiously.]
Tim: Jenny just called, she's going to be a little late. Sorry about that. Make yourselves at home and I'll, uh -
Marina: Oh, I'll help you with these.
[Marina takes the flowers and follows Tim into the kitchen.]
Tim: Thank you. Very much.
INT. - COUNTRY CLUB - LOCKER ROOM
[Dana is near her locker; her agent sits on the bench nearby.]
Agent: Subaru loved you.
Dana: What?
Agent: (smiling) Yeah, you're their girl, you're their A-Number-One tennis playin' babe.
Dana: I got it?
Agent: Yeah, you got it. (stands) Yeah. Done deal. (laughing) They god-damned loved your f*cking guts!
[Dana jumps up and down.]
Dana: I got it?!
[Dana grabs him and hugs him.]
Agent: Who do you love? Who do you love?
Dana: You!
Agent: That's right.
Dana: Oh my god!
Agent: Allright, you're sweating on me. You're sweating all over my suit.
[They stop hugging. Dana playfully 1punches him in the shoulder.]
EXT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
[A tired Jenny, in her Laurelwood Farms Market cashier's uniform, walks up the steps. She has bags in one hand and flowers in the other, so she knocks. Tina answers.]
Tina: Jenny! (takes bag from Jenny) Hey, let me grab that.
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - NIGHT
[Jenny comes inside. Tina closes the door.]
Jenny: (to Tina) Hey! How are you? (to Randy) Hey, how are you?
Randy: Good, good.
[Jenny playfully punches Randy in the shoulder. Tim takes the rest of Jenny's things and kisses her.]
Tim: I missed you.
[Bette enters the room.]
Jenny: Hi, nice to see you.
[Marina, in the kitchen, leans over to see Jenny coming in. Jenny doesn't see her yet. Jenny puts her arm around Tim and walks him toward the kitchen.]
Jenny: So.
Tim: Hm.
Jenny: I got, uh, eight of those little chocolate dessert things... very expensive...
[Jenny turns to see Marina walking out of the kitchen toward her. Jenny stops cold. Marina smiles warmly, taking the flowers from Jenny's hand and walks back into the kitchen. Jenny stares at her.]
Tim: (to Marina) Thank you. (to Jenny) So. Chili's ready. You're not. So, if you can run and get changed, it'd be great. K?
[Jenny finally looks back to Tim.]
Jenny: Um...
Tim: See ya. (kisses Jenny) In a second.
[Tim walks off. Jenny looks back up at Marina.]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
[Tim sits on the bed. Jenny is half-dressed, frantically looking for something to wear. She's also upset.]
Tim: Jen... I just ran into her at The Planet Why are you so upset?
[Jenny digs through the hamper, throwing clothes all over the floor.]
Jenny: Because. I didn't know that she was gonna be here, okay? It just kinda sucks and... I have nothing to wear. (sighs) Okay. (grabs a white shirt) Okay, this is fine. It's fine.
[She takes off her black bra and puts on the white shirt. Tim sighs and follows her out of the room.]
INT. - TIM & JENNY'S HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT
[Tim follows Jenny into the bathroom.]
Tim: Look, I just don't get -
Jenny: (agitated) Will you shut the door, please, thank you.
[Tim closes the door.]
Tim: I don't get what the big deal is.
Jenny: Um...
Tim: Did something happen between you two?
Jenny: No. Nothing happened. I don't like her, okay?
[Jenny puts on lipstick.]
Jenny: She has this, y'know, this way ... of acting like she - she knows everything... but - I'm gonna go out there...
[Jenny brushes her hair.]
Jenny: ... and just... get this over with.
Tim: Jen. Stop for a second. Jen. Stop.
[Jenny stops and turns to Tim.]
Tim: We are not going to let this ruin our evening, okay? We're going to go back out there, we're going to have a good time, and whatever competitive thing you have going with Marina? Just ... talk to her. Y'know, kiss and make up, or ... whatever you women do. | Plan: A: an ad campaign; Q: What is Dana asked to star in? A: her sexual orientation; Q: What is Dana worried about being made public? A: Alice; Q: Who meets Gabby while doing research for a story? A: her old girlfriend Gabby; Q: Who does Alice meet while doing research for a story? A: guest star Guinevere Turner; Q: Who is Gabby? A: Shane; Q: Who is harassed by Lacey? A: guest star Tammy Lynn Michaels; Q: Who is Lacey? A: Bette; Q: Who is worried that Marina will destroy her relationship with Tim? A: Marcus Allenwood; Q: Whose sperm does Bette and Tina use to try artificial insemination? A: her "gaydar; Q: What does Dana calibrate? A: a country club sous chef; Q: What is Lara Perkins' job? A: Lara Perkins; Q: Who is the new love interest of Dana? A: Lauren Lee Smith; Q: Who plays Lara Perkins? A: Kit; Q: Who tries to mend her relationship with Bette? A: her entertainment career; Q: What is Kit trying to rebuild? A: Tim; Q: Who invites Marina over for dinner? A: Jenny; Q: Who did Marina have an encounter with? Summary: Dana is asked to star in an ad campaign, but is worried about her sexual orientation being made public. While doing research for a story, Alice meets her old girlfriend Gabby (guest star Guinevere Turner ) and is immediately drawn to her again. Shane is harassed by an old girlfriend, Lacey (guest star Tammy Lynn Michaels ), who thinks Shane used her. Bette and Tina try artificial insemination with the sperm of Marcus Allenwood. The girls help Dana calibrate her "gaydar" and check out her new love interest, a country club sous chef named Lara Perkins ( Lauren Lee Smith ). Kit tries to mend her relationship with Bette and to rebuild her entertainment career. Tim, unaware of Jenny's encounter with Marina, invites Marina over for dinner, along with Bette and Tina and their other friends. Bette correctly guesses that something happened between Jenny and Marina and asks Marina to leave Jenny alone lest she destroy her relationship with Tim, but Marina takes no notice. |
Michael: [on Youtube video] There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong with any Sabre printers. Case closed. [phone rings, Michael picks it up] Michael Scott, as seen on TV.
Todd Packer: [high-pitched voice] I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener... [normal voice] It's Packer!
Michael: OH! Pack Man, I thought you were a girl!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Apparently, there are allegations that Sabre printers can cause a fire. So they asked me to give a statement to the press. I'm like, what? All right. So I do it. It's on TV last night. And it's in the paper today. And it's online. And then I call Froggy 98.7, the request line. I talk to the host about it on the air. It's like, come on, people, enough.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5. I am officially the second-most watched clip of the day on the WBRE news site.
Oscar: What's number one?
Michael: Oh, that teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again! I would like you all to go to the website and watch my clip eleven times.
Jim: So instead of working, you want...
Michael: Yes.
Jim: Okay.
Michael: Yes. Come on! Get it up! That's what... let's do it!
Angela: Oh, did you see this report that the zoo got a baby otter? It's on the same site!
Phyllis: Awww, it's kissing its mommy!
Michael: Please.
Dwight: Michael, you have to see, this is like, the cutest thing ever.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Really? A baby otter? Okay, um, count me in as who cares. It's not even that interesting a baby otter, it can't even stand up. [looks toward computer] It's trying to stand up... [choking up] there it goes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: Howdy. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Michael: Jo! We were not expecting you!
Jo: 'Course you all, no doubt, know why I'm here.
Kevin: No.
Jo: Turns out our printers are famous. They're all over the news. It's an interesting story. Cheap foreign printers attacking innocent Americans. Well, actually the, the real story isn't quite as racy, but uh... let's give it a go.
Kevin: Jo, I think that I know what happened.
Jo: I'm not sure you do, teddy bear.
Kevin: Well, now I think I might not.
Jo: Not long ago, we discovered a defect in one of our printers, so we got a software patch and fixed it right up, just like that. I don't know how it works. But just as we were about to send out a letter to our affected customers, giving 'em free toner, and we keep 'em, happy, but somebody here, they liked that first story better. The one where we lose half our clients for no damn good reason! Whoever it was who talked to the press, they should come forward, please.
Michael: Jo, Jo, I can assure you it was no one in this office.
Jo: Can you now?
Michael: Absolutely. Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand.
Phyllis: [quietly, to Andy] Put your hand up, Norma Rae.
Andy: If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: So unfair. Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money. Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. [sings] Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr. Bernard, who have you silenced today?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: [as Gabe hands out forms to everyone] It's a little form, says "I did not do it."
Michael: There is no reason for anyone here to sign this, because I know everything there is to know about these people. I know when their birthdays are, I know what their favorite kind of cake is, I know what color streamers they like...
Jo: All that's just birthday information, Michael.
Michael: Yes, yes, but it shows a bigger picture.
Jo: Why don't you come with me? We'll start out with the honcho, what'cha say?
Michael: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question[/b]: What do we do when we find the guilty party? And if they said, "Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice!", innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said "Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah", well nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: So say we catch this whistleblower, what do you think I should do with him?
Michael: We should give him a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the al-Qaeda.
Jo: Uh, that's, uh, Guantanamo Bay.
Michael: Yes. You put them in jail for a long time, you put them in jail for as long as you can.
Jo: Well, I guess we're all right, Michael.
Michael: I want these people to really pay, I want them to suffer. I'd prefer it if they died, 'cause it's not right.
Jo: Yeah.
Michael: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Nick: Hey Dwight.
Dwight: Hey, IT guy.
Nick: Mind if I get in there for a second?
Dwight: Oh, sure thing, go ahead.
Nick: Just one... [Dwight pushes Nick's neck to the desk and pushes his arm up] Gah! Ah! Dwight, what the hell?
Dwight: Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell! What are you doing to my computer?
Oscar: The lawyers are searching our hard drives for information on the leak. Thanks a lot, Big Brother.
Dwight: You're with Big Brother? Okay, go ahead. I got nothing to hide.
Kevin: Wait, are they searching all our computers?
Nick: Yeah. [Kevin runs to his desk] I already got to yours, Kevin. [Kevin runs back]
Kevin: No, that's cool. Sometimes... sometimes I run. I'm a runner.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Angela: Everybody knows it was Andy, and it is not fair for us all to take the fall for his big stupid mouth!
Michael: Ridiculous, Angela. And like I'm going to believe one of his spermed lovers.
Phyllis: Look, he's been complaining about this for a while, it's not crazy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: Okay Dwight.
Dwight: Hold that thought. I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine. I didn't do it. Now, I don't know exactly who did it, but I have a list right here... [hands Jo a piece of paper] You should fire the following people.
Jo: Well, I'm inclined to believe you.
Dwight: Why would I disparage a company that has made me rich beyond my wildest dreams?
Jo: Yeah, I noticed you've had a great year. Good boy... you turning that money into more money?
Dwight: Are you referring to alchemy?
Jo: I don't like to tell a man what to do with his money, but if you ain't investing in property, then you're dumber than a dummy.
Dwight: I'm not dumb. I'm smart.
Jo: Well, buy property. That's my advice.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Is there something that you would like to say to me?
Andy: Uh...
Michael: About talking to the press?
Andy: I, I didn't know. I didn't do that!
Michael: Mmhmm.
Andy: Okay? I, I... didn't do it.
Michael: I don't believe you.
Andy: I swear on the graves of my parents who aren't even dead yet.
Michael: That's a little much. All right, all right, all right.
Andy: I don't care, that's how much I swear!
Michael: Okay, I believe you, I believe you.
Andy: I don't know who's giving Darryl any crap. He was more bothered about it than me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Did you tell anyone outside of this office that the printers were catching on fire?
Darryl: Yeah, I did. I, I was talking to this girl at a bar.
Michael: Oh, no, no, no...
Darryl: I think she could... sense my sadness, and I, and I found out too late that she... she's the copy editor at the Trib.
Michael: Oh my god. Was she cute?
Darryl: No.
Michael: Oh, god, Darryl!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: I basically swore up and down that none of my employees did it, and then I find out that one of my best ones did. And now he's probably going to get fired for it. And if that is not poetic justice, I don't know what is.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: Sounds like you were as blindsided by this as I was.
Toby: Well, that's...
Jo: And we didn't find anything on your computer.
Toby: Good.
Jo: Except this. [hands stack of paper to Toby]
Toby: Oh, wow, this is, uh, just a mystery novel that I've been working on.
Jo: I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid?
Toby: Oh, uh, I don't know, uh...
Jo: The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself, or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.
Toby: Oh... yes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: Write your own damn novel.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: It was me.
Jim: What was you? You were the leak?
Pam: Okay. I'm talking to this woman at daycare...
Jim: Uh-huh.
Pam: She's telling me about all her amazing trip to Vietnam, I have nothing. I tell her our printers catch on fire, spontaneously!
Jim: Why'd you do that?
Pam: Her husband's a reporter.
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: So now everyone hates Andy, and it's this whole mess, and I don't know what to do.
Jim: Okay, just relax. Just need to relax.
Pam: I could tell Jo... or I could tell Michael.
Jim: This is a very good idea. This is good. Let's get all the bad ideas out now. Flush them out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: You leaked it?
Pam: I don't know what to do! Do I go tell Jo, or - I don't want everyone to keep blaming the wrong person!
Michael: I don't know what the best plan is, Pam. Oh god... my mind is going a mile an hour.
Pam: That fast?
Michael: Oh.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Two whistleblowers... two! I always thought Darryl and Pam might get me fired for something I said.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: [Michael knocks on Pam's desk] Yeah? [Michael points at Pam, himself, and Meredith, mimes drinking, driving, then points to his watch and holds up five fingers] I weirdly know exactly what you're saying to me.
Michael: So see you in Meredith's van in five minutes.
Pam: Yeah, you didn't need to actually say it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: [in Meredith's van] I have never seen so many parking tickets.
Darryl: All right, this is just messed up.
Michael: No, you know what's messed up? This situation all up in here is what's messed up! We need to brainstorm, we need to get out of this! Brain hurricane. Come on, think.
Darryl: All right.
Michael: What do we got?
Pam: Um...
Kelly: [opening door] Hey guys, sorry I'm late.
Pam: We're not going for yogurt.
Michael: It's okay, she's cool, she also whistle-blew.
Kelly: Guys, I couldn't help it, it is so boring where we work. I mean, it's as interesting as a morgue. It might be less interesting than a morgue.
Michael: Hey, hey, it's as interesting as a morgue.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kelly: Of course I'm the leak! I think I Tweeted it! I can't control what I say to people, I spend the whole day talking! I mean, I video chat, I Skype, I text, I Tweet, I phone, I Woof...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: Woof is a site that I'm launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month, Woof links up all your communication portals so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it. But, look, why tell you when I can show you. [types on his phone] I just sent myself a Woof. [fax machine makes noise, several windows pop up on computer behind Ryan with accompanying sounds, including barking]
Erin: [on phone] Ryan, you have a Woof on line 1.
Ryan: Thank you, Erin. Woof!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Okay, here's what we do. I say we just smash all the computers. We destroy the evidence. No evidence, no case.
Pam: Wouldn't we get fired for smashing all the computers?
Michael: No. Okay, not all the computers, just our computers.
Kelly: That idea sucks.
Pam: I don't think that's a good idea.
Michael: Just don't say no.
Darryl: Michael, you know you don't have to turn us all in. All you need is one scapegoat.
Kelly: Uh, if you turn me in, I'm turning in Darryl.
Michael: That's just what we need, another black man in prison. You know, let's just...
Pam: Nobody's going to prison, okay? Um... all right, Michael, you need to convince Jo to go easy on us. And then we'll all confess once we know our jobs are safe.
Michael: Okay. You can count on me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: [sees Toby banging on the vending machine] Let me give you a hand.
Toby: I'm hungry.
Dwight: Ready? [they pull the vending machine towards them; Dwight's phone rings] Got it? Oh shoot. Got it? [walks away, opens phone] Dwight Schrute.
Realtor: [on phone] The property you're looking at is in great shape. By the way, it has a very spacious basement office.
Dwight: Basement office? You mean like a lair?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Hey Jo.
Jo: Michael.
Michael: I was thinking about our little leak problem. I was up all lunch thinking about what we should do to this individual. You know what I think we should do? We make 'em come to work, and we work 'em, and we make 'em sit next to all the people they screwed over. And, and we pay 'em but we make 'em feel like they did something really wrong. The one question I have is, do we give them a Christmas bonus? I say yes, it's Christmas, but right after they're back in the thick of it.
Jo: Michael Scott... what do you know?
Michael: What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: It doesn't matter what I know.
Jo: If it doesn't matter, then tell me.
Michael: Why?
Jo: Because I want to deal with it the way I deal with it.
Michael: Well, deal with this. [crosses arms]
Jo: Empathize with me for a moment. I came up here with a big problem, and now I got a branch manager who's giving me the silent treatment... Speak to me... speak. [Jo's dog barks] Come with me.
Michael: What?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gabe: [as Michael and Jo leave] Are you leaving? Oh, am I... should I continue with the investigation?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Are you going to kill me?
Jo: Hahahahahaha.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Realtor: [on phone] I just need you to come by later and sign a few forms.
Dwight: Okay.
Realtor: What time works for you? [Dwight looks across the street] Mr. Schrute, what time works?
Dwight: Cancel it. I want you to make an offer at seventeen twenty-five Slough Avenue. Make 'em an offer they can't refuse. No, on second thought, low ball them. Don't call me 'til you have it.
Realtor: But... [Dwight closes phone]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [on Jo's jet] Are we going some place far away? I know you said no questions, but... I have an early dinner that I need to get to... with the Chief of Police.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Creed: I'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you.
Gabe: All right. Uh, Stan, you're up.
Stanley: It wasn't me.
Gabe: What a rich timbre your voice has. Okay, I am prepared to conclude the investigation. And... you did it. [nods at Andy]
Andy: What? Based on what?
Gabe: Uh, just all the evidence. And it really seems like it was you. Can we all agree to say that it was Andy for now, and sit with it, see how it feels?
Dwight: All right. Sounds good.
Jim: Guys, I think that seems a little unfair. I mean, I feel like we don't definitely know it was Andy.
Andy: Yeah. You know, I mean, for all we know it could have been... Jim.
Jim: Really?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: Michael.
Michael: I have rights.
Jo: Let's just talk.
Michael: I am not going to tell you anything.
Jo: Honey, you don't seem like your normal self.
Michael: Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch.
Jo: Mama Jo knew there was something up.
Michael: Whole year, actually. My favorite restaurant closed down.
Jo: Oh, I hate that.
Michael: And my new favorite restaurant sucks... I bought a video camera last year, and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only like twelve minutes that I felt was worth taping the whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex. What is that? ... I miss Holly.
Jo: Who's Holly?
Michael: Holly Flax from the Nashua branch. Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen. It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kevin: Well, I think that the real question is[/b]: Who is the whistleblower?
Dwight: Oh, just...
[SCENE_BREAK]
David Wallace: I may have heard from an old client, and I may have immediately started spreading the news to other clients and potential clients, yeah. But I'm not here to talk about that. I am here to talk about Suck It. Suck it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Gabe, I told you all about the printers.
Jim: I mean, it could be you, Gabe. I mean, that's the point.
Pam: Yes, it's totally obvious.
Creed: I think we all can agree that it's either Gabe or Angela. [flips a coin] It's Angela. Get her, boys.
Nick: Hey guys, uh, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone. Through Teach for America, I'm going to go down to Detroit and teach, uh, inner city kids about computers.
Gabe: Uh, not now.
Nick: Oh yeah, it's just that my friends are in the car waiting, so I thought I would...
Stanley: [quietly] Phyllis, what's this guy's name again?
Phyllis: I don't know, is it Shadow or Garth, it's something weird, I...
Nick: My name is Nick.
Angela: Okay, well, Nick, we're in a meeting.
Nick: Okay, look, I get it, people. I'm the lame IT guy, and everybody hates me.
Jim: Hey, listen man, you can't take it personally.
Nick: You called me man? I just said my name just now, did you forget it already?
Jim: No... sport.
Nick: You, you guys have fifteen parties a week, you can't learn my name?
Dwight: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey IT guy. Here's the story, champ. None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? We liked the last guy, Siddiq, because he kept to himself, and we also thought he might have been a terrorist. You know what, I'm going to leave you with one other thought. Inner city kids use computers for two things, games and p0rn. So good luck wasting your life, lurch.
Nick: Thank you so much for that. I saw all your hard drives, and guess what? [gestures to Ryan] You're not a photographer. [gestures to Kelly] And you definitely can't fit into a size two. Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. Why you been telling people you're not on Facebook? People want to be your friend, man! All right? And you. [points to Andy] This guy, you're the one who told the press. You wrote an e-mail to the editor. I saw it, and I also saw a QuickTime movie of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. This guy's the snitch, he's the snitch. So that's it, check it out. [gives the finger]
Andy: You're going to believe that guy?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there... and they'd make a Barbie out of me.
Michael: Hmm, hmm.
Jo: I, did I sell cheap printers? I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, it's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.
Michael: You know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, to do that for you.
Jo: Oh honey, surely you don't want that.
Michael: I, I surely do, and don't call me honey. [Jo laughs] You were playing too.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: I'm about to buy this building, you know.
Hank: You don't say? I own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston.
Dwight: Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you... enjoy that chair for now... 'cause pretty soon, you will be on your feet, at Buckingham Palace.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Hey Phyllis, have you seen my bag?
Phyllis: [points to the ceiling] You deserve it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Look, I didn't want houses and schools to burn down, and children to die. Does that make me a hero? I...
Kevin: [offscreen] No, it does not!
Andy: Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world, either.
Angela: It does!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Erin: Andy?
Andy: Hey.
Erin: I wanted to say that I think it was very brave of you to go to the press.
Andy: Uh, thanks. Yeah, you know, just seemed like the right thing to do.
Erin: Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: [to press] We at Sabre have betrayed the trust that we have built with our customers. We regret our slow response and our lapse in candor and judgment. At this time, we are issuing a full recall of all Sabre GH400 printers. We will not rest until this problem is solved. There will be no questions. Are there any questions?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jo: Hey, I appreciate you reading that statement. You looked pretty up there.
Michael: That was fun.
Jo: I hope your rough patch ends soon.
Michael: Thanks. Today helped.
Jo: Well, give me a shout if I can brighten your life.
Michael: Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua.
Jo: Let me see what I can do. | Plan: A: The press; Q: Who learns that Sabre printers catch on fire? A: Jo; Q: Who suspects that someone within the company leaked information about the fire? A: the whistle-blower; Q: Who does Jo set out to find? Summary: The press learns that Sabre printers catch on fire and Jo, suspecting that someone within the company leaked the information, sets out to discover who the whistle-blower is. |
Jackson: More.
Danny: Okay.
Jackson: No, I said don't help me!
Danny: Don't help you as in don't spot you, or don't help you as in let the bar crush your throat?
Jackson: I should be able to do twice that.
Danny: On the the moon - maybe. I'm hitting the shower. If I come back and you're lying dead underneath a pile of weight, I'm taking the Porsche.
Jackson: Thanks.
Erica: Any time.
Derek: What happened to you on the night of the full moon?
Jackson: What? Nothing. Nothing happened.
Derek: You're lying.
Jackson: No, wait. No, wait, I can - I can prove it. I taped myself.
Isaac: You taped yourself?
Jackson: Yes. It was the full moon. And maybe while you were curled in the corner having an existential crisis about turning into a monster, I was preparing for the so - called gift your big, bad Alpha promised me, and what did I get? Nothing. You want proof? Let me get the video.
Derek: No. No, I have a better idea.
Jackson: What is that?
Derek: You know, Jackson, you've always been kind of a snake - And everyone knows a snake can't be poisoned by its own venom.
Derek: You're still a snake, Jackson, just not the one we're looking for.
Isaac: You're still gonna have to do one more thing for us. Well, actually, for me.
Sheriff: So now you're telling me that you didn't see Isaac and his father arguing before the murder?
Jackson: Not exactly.
Sheriff: Not exactly - or no? Because when it comes to law, there's a fairly large divide between not exactly and no. Like, if "not exactly" were sitting in this chair, then "no" would be somewhere in the middle of the pacific ocean, drowning next to my career. So what's it gonna be, huh? Not exactly or no?
Jackson: No.
Sheriff: Ah, crap.
Stiles: Dude, I just talked to my dad, who just talked to Jackson, and I've got really terrible, horrible, very, very bad news.
Scott: I think I already know.
Stiles: All right, I only found one thing online called a kanima. It's a werejaguar from South America that goes after murderers.
Scott: That thing was not a jaguar.
Stiles: Yeah, and I'm not exactly a murderer.
Scott: Yeah, but you did see it kill somebody, which is probably why it tried to kill you. And it's still trying to kill you, and it probably won't stop until you're dead.
Stiles: You know, sometimes I really begin to question this "friendship."
Danny: It took forever, but I found a program that can recover your video. I'll run it in my free period this afternoon.
Jackson: Yeah, just let me know when it's done.
Erica: So Derek wants this done during chemistry?
Isaac: Yeah, and if it's Lydia, I'm gonna kill that bitch, all right?
Erica: We have to test her first.
Isaac: - Kanima -
Jackson: Hey, testicle left and right. What the hell is a kanima?
Coach: All right, listen up. A quick warning before we begin our review. Some of you, like McCall, might want to start their own study groups, because tomorrow's midterm is so profoundly difficult - I'm not even too sure I could pass it. Okay, I need a volunteer at the board to answer the first question. Who's got it, huh? Come on, let's go, buddy.
Jackson: Paralyzed from the neck down. Do you have any idea what that feels like?
Stiles: I'm familiar with the sensation.
Scott: Wait - why would Derek test you? Why would he think that it's you?
Jackson: How should I know?
Stiles: Wait, do they think it's Lydia?
Jackson: I don't know, all I heard was her name and something about chemistry.
Coach: Jackson! Do you have something you want to share with the rest of the class?
Jackson: Um - just an undying admiration for my - my coach.
Coach: That's really kind of you. Now shut up! Shut it! Anybody else?
Scott: How do we know it's not her?
Stiles: Because I looked into the eyes of that thing, okay? And what I saw was pure evil. And when I look into Lydia's eyes, I only see 50% evil. All right, maybe 60. You know, but no more than 40 on a good day.
Scott: Stiles, that's not a very good argument.
Stiles: I'm aware of that, but I swear it's not her. It can't be, all right? Lydia's fine.
Voice: Lydia.
Coach: Okay then, anybody else want to try answering? This time in English?
Scott: What is that, Greek?
Stiles: No, actually, I think it is English.
Scott: Derek is not gonna kill her without proof.
Stiles: All right, so he tests her like he did with Jackson, right? But when and where?
Scott: I think here and now.
Harris: Einstein once said, "Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupidity; And I'm not sure about the universe." I myself have encountered infinite stupidity. So to combat the plague of ignorance in my class, you're going to combine efforts through a round of group experiments. Let's see if two heads are indeed better than one. Or in Mr. Stilinski's case, less than one. Erica, you take the first station. You'll start with - I didn't ask for volunteers. Put your hormonal little hands down. Start with Mr. McCall. All right, next two.
Scott: Whatever you're thinking about doing, wait. Give me a chance to talk to Derek.
Erica: Why don't you talk to me instead? That's funny. In school, you guys act like you're broken up, but she's all over you.
Scott: I don't know what you're talking about.
Erica: If I were Allison, I'd be wanting you - All the time.
Lydia: Never? You never get jealous?
Allison: Why would I?
Lydia: Because of that thing happening over there. That requires some jealousy.
Scott: You're not my type.
Erica: I'm exactly your type.
Harris: Switch.
Allison: Listen to me, okay? Don't talk to Erica or Isaac.
Lydia: Why?
Allison: Just don't.
Harris: Let's go, girls. Next station.
Allison: Trust me, all right?
Stiles: If you harm one perfect strawberry blonde hair on her head, I'm gonna turn your little werewolf ass into a fur coat and give it to her as a birthday present.
Isaac: Really? I've never actually been to one of her big, invite - only birthday parties. I did ask her out once though.
Stiles: Sounds like the beginning to a heartfelt story. I'm gonna pass, thanks.
Isaac: It was the first day of freshman year -
Stiles: And you thought everything was gonna be different for you in high school, but she said no.
Isaac: Yeah. Yeah, she even laughed. Told me to come back when the bike I rode to school had an engine, not a chain.
Stiles: Mm, unrequited love's a bitch. Maybe you should write about it in English class, you know? Channel all that negative energy.
Isaac: Nah, I was thinking I'd channel it into killing her. I'm not very good at writing.
Harris: And switch.
Stiles: Aah.
Harris: If you're trying to test my patience, Mr. Stilinski, I guarantee it'll be a failing grade.
Allison: What are you gonna do to her?
Erica: Don't you think the better question is what's she going to do to us? I have to say, you guys are cute together. But you know, I've always had this feeling like I'm a little psychic. I just don't think you're going to last.
Allison: You think you can hurt me by sliding your hand up his thigh?
Erica: Would you like it better if it were your thigh? Come on. Girl fight in lab. It'll be hot.
Harris: Time. If you've catalyzed the reaction correctly, you should now be looking at a crystal. Now for the part of that last experiment I'm sure you'll all enjoy - You can eat it.
Scott: Lydia!
Lydia: What?
Scott: Nothing.
Scott: Derek's outside waiting for Lydia.
Allison: Waiting to kill her?
Scott: If he thinks she's the kanima, then yes, especially after what happened at the pool.
Stiles: It's not her.
Scott: Stiles, she didn't pass the test, man. Nothing happened.
Stiles: No, it can't be her.
Allison: It doesn't matter, because Derek thinks it's her. So either we can convince him that he's wrong, or we've got to figure out a way to protect her.
Scott: Well, I really don't think he's gonna do anything here, not at school.
Allison: What about after school? What if we can prove that Derek's wrong?
Stiles: By three o'clock?
Allison: There could be something in the bestiary.
Stiles: Oh, you mean the 900 - page book written in archaic Latin that none of us can read? Good luck with that.
Allison: Actually, I think I know someone who might be able to translate it.
Scott: Uh, I can talk to Derek, maybe convince him to give us a chance to prove that it's not her. But if anything happens, you guys let me handle it, okay?
Allison: What does that mean?
Scott: That you can't heal like I do. I just don't want you to get hurt.
Allison: I can protect myself. What? Did something else happen?
Scott: I just don't want you getting hurt. Seriously, if anything goes wrong, you call me, okay? I - I don't care if your dad finds out. Call, text, scream, yell, whatever. I'll hear you and I'll find you as fast as I can. We have until 3:00.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Stiles: Ah. Sorry. Sorry. Sensitive trigger on that.
Lydia: Butterfly. Butterfly. Butterfly. Butterfly. Butterfly.
Ms. Morrell: Lydia?
Lydia: Danaus plexippus.
Ms. Morrell: Which is the scientific name for -
Lydia: Butterfly.
Ms. Morrell: Lydia, what's it gonna take to get you to open up?
Lydia: I don't know what you're talking about. I am as honest and open as a person can be.
Ms. Morrell: Huh. I would've said wolf.
Matt: So who do you know that can get into your house?
Jackson: What do you mean? Like, break in?
Matt: Or someone who has a key - Who also knows how to edit out two hours of footage out of a tape and knows how to loop it.
Danny: I can do it. I write my own software, and I know your mom forgets to lock the kitchen door.
Matt: I could've done it too, considering it's my camera. Actually, we could've done it together. All right, I gotta go to my next class, but, uh, I'll be back later to help if you guys want it.
Danny: Definitely. What?
Jackson: Got a little crush going on there?
Danny: No.
Jackson: Mm.
Danny: Shut up. It doesn't matter anyway.
Jackson: Why's that?
Danny: Because if you haven't noticed, he's completely obsessed with Allison, so - Whatever. Anyway, this is gonna take a couple of hours.
Jackson: So you can't tell me who did the editing?
Danny: Is there anyone else you know who can get into your house?
Jackson: Yeah. Actually, I do.
Ms. Morrell: Do you mind me asking where you got this? A book?
Allison: Um, a family heirloom.
Ms. Morrell: Interesting family. I'm pretty familiar with most romance languages, but this is a little out of my reach.
Allison: Can you give it a shot?
Ms. Morrell: All right, um - "Kanima - " Do I have that right?
Allison: Yeah.
Ms. Morrell: "Like the wolf, its power is greatest at the moon's peak." Huh. Sounds like a werewolf. Oh, there's some words here I don't recognize.
Allison: Just try. Please.
Ms. Morrell: Could I hold onto it for a bit?
Allison: Now is better, please.
Ms. Morrell: All right, um - Okay. "Like the wolf, the kanima is a social creature, but where the wolf seeks a pack, the kanima seeks a friend."
Allison: "A friend," what does that mean?
Ms. Morrell: Maybe it's lonely.
Allison: Like a teenager.
Scott: I want to talk to Derek.
Boyd: Talk to me.
Scott: I don't want to fight.
Boyd: Good, 'cause I'm twice the size of you.
Scott: True. Really, really true. But wanna know what I think? I'm twice as fast.
Derek: She failed the test.
Scott: Yeah, which doesn't prove anything. Lydia's different.
Derek: I know, at night she turns into a homicidal walking snake.
Scott: I'm not going to let you kill her.
Derek: Who said I was gonna do it?
Derek: I don't know why you think you have to protect everyone now, Scott, but even so, Lydia has killed people and she's gonna do it again, and next time, it's gonna be one of us.
Scott: What if you're wrong?
Derek: She was bitten by an Alpha. It's her.
Scott: You saw that thing up close. You know it's not like us.
Derek: But it is! We're all shapeshifters. You don't know what you're dealing with. It happens rarely and it happens for a reason.
Scott: What reason?
Derek: Sometimes the shape you take reflects the person that you are. Even Stiles calls her cold - blooded.
Scott: Well, what if she's immune? What if she's got something inside of her that makes her immune to the bite, which is why she didn't get paralyzed?
Derek: No one's immune! I've never seen it or heard of it. It's n - it's never happened.
Scott: What about Jackson?
Matt: That is so bizarre.
Danny: What?
Matt: My camera's having some sort of glitch - slash - meltdown.
Danny: It's a lens flare.
Matt: Yeah, but it's only happening on one player - McCall.
Scott: That's why you tested him, isn't it? Because you gave him what he wanted, didn't you?
Derek: Scott -
Scott: Peter said the bite either kills you or turns you. You were probably hoping that he would die. But nothing happened, right? And you have no idea why, do you?
Derek: No.
Scott: Well, I have a theory. Lydia's immune, and somehow she passed it on to Jackson. You know I'm right.
Derek: No!
Scott: You cannot do this!
Derek: Look, I can't let her live! You should have known that!
Scott: I was hoping I would convince you, but then - I wasn't counting on it.
Isaac: Where is she?
Lydia: If we're doing a study group, why didn't we just stay in the library?
Stiles: Because we're meeting up with somebody else.
Lydia: Hmm, well, why don't they just meet us in the library?
Stiles: Oh, that would've been a great idea. Too late.
Lydia: Okay, hold on -
Jackson: Lydia, shut up and walk.
Coach: McCall! Get over here! You know I'm gonna require an explanation for this.
Coach: You know there are certain responsibilities to being a captain of a lacrosse team.
Scott: Co - captain.
Coach: Okay, partial responsibilities.
Scott: Where did you find these?
Coach: Under the bleachers, and you know somebody's gonna have to pay for them.
Scott: They're Danny's.
Coach: Oh, great, mystery solved. Why don't you tell your buddy Danny to take care of his equipment, or I'm gonna make you take care of his equipment for him. Now, do you really want to be taking care of Danny's equipment all the time?
Scott: That depends. Are we still talking about lacrosse pads?
Lydia: If we're studying at Scott's house, then where's Scott?
Stiles: Meeting us here, I think. I hope.
Allison: Thanks.
Jackson: I needed to talk to her anyway.
Stiles: Uh, there's been a few break - ins around the neighborhood. And a murder. Yeah, it was bad.
Jackson: Lydia, follow me. I need to talk to you for a minute.
Lydia: Seriously? What is going on with everyone?
Matt: Hey, McCall. Thanks.
Lydia: You okay?
Lydia: So -
Jackson: So you never gave me back my key.
Lydia: What? Wh - y - your key? That's what you wanted to talk about?
Jackson: Why didn't you give it back?
Lydia: Are you kidding? I'm attacked by some lunatic who bites me. A lunatic who, by the way, still hasn't been caught. I spent two days freaked out of my mind walking around the woods naked, all of my friends are acting like total nutcases, and you expect me to be worried about some stupid key?
Jackson: So do you have the key or not?
Lydia: Not.
Jackson: You just lied to me.
Danny: Dude, what did you do to my pads?
Scott: Me? You're the one who was wearing them.
Danny: No, I wasn't.
Scott: What?
Danny: I was in goal, remember? Different pads.
Scott: Then who was wearing these?
Danny: Someone who owes me a new set of pads.
Allison: It's me.
Scott: What's wrong.
Allison: You need to get here now. Right now.
Scott: Okay, I'm leaving now. On my way.
Stiles: Oh, jeez. What are you doing?
Allison: I think - I think I have to call my dad.
Stiles: No, but if he finds you here - you and Scott -
Allison: I know. But what are we supposed to do? They're not here to scare us, okay? They're here to kill Lydia.
Jackson: Where's my key, Lydia? It was you, wasn't it? You edited the tape.
Lydia: What tape?
Jackson: The night of the full moon. The recording. You came into my house - into my room - and you saw what was happening to me, so you took the tape from the camera and you edited out the most important part. I don't know why. Maybe because you wanted to take that from me, my moment, like you take everything. Or maybe you just thought you were protecting me. But it was you, wasn't it?
Lydia: I don't know what you're talking about - But if you need it so badly - Fine.
Lydia: I hate you. I hate you so much.
Jackson: No. No, you don't.
Lydia: I should. I should hate you. Don't.
Jackson: Lydia.
Stiles: I got an idea. Just shoot one of 'em.
Allison: Are you serious?
Stiles: We told Scott we could protect ourselves, so let's do it. Or at least give it a shot, right?
Allison: Okay.
Stiles: Look, they don't think we're gonna fight, so if one of them gets hit, I guarantee they'll take off. So just shoot one of 'em.
Allison: Which one?
Stiles: Uh - Derek. Yeah, shoot him, preferably in the head.
Allison: If Scott was able to catch an arrow, Derek definitely can.
Stiles: Okay, uh, just shoot one of the other three then.
Allison: You mean two.
Stiles: No, I mean three. Where the hell is Isaac?
Lydia: What was that? What's happening?
Allison: Get back. Someone's trying to break in, okay? Go. Lydia, go! Jackson?
Lydia: Hi, I - I need the police.
Allison: Stiles, it's here!
Erica: Hmm - this might make me sound like kind of a bitch, but I've always wondered what it feels like to steal someone's boyfriend. I bet it's a pretty sick rush of power. I think I might try it with Scott. You know what - I don't think it's gonna be that hard, because why would he be waiting around to steal 10 minutes with you, when he can have me anytime he wants. You didn't really think that would work, did you?
Allison: Actually I did. I thought you were psychic, bitch!
Derek: I think I'm finally getting why you keep refusing me, Scott. You're not an omega, you're already an Alpha of your own pack. But you know you can't beat me.
Scott: I can hold you off until the cops get here.
Derek: Get them out of here.
Lydia: Would someone please tell me what the hell is going on?
Scott: It's Jackson. | Plan: A: the Kanima; Q: What is Jackson? A: the creature's toxin; Q: What did Lydia show immunity to? A: Derek; Q: Who wants to kill Lydia? A: Derek's pack; Q: Who did Scott, Allison, Stiles and Jackson fight? Summary: Convinced that Lydia is the Kanima, since she displayed immunity to the creature's toxin, Derek wants to kill her. Scott, Allison, Stiles and Jackson try to protect her together. After a fight with Derek's pack, it is revealed to everyone that Jackson is the Kanima. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Oz is kissing Willow. Willow: "What are you doing?" Oz: "Panicking." Oz and Willow in bed after Oz is done panicking. In the library the Mayor throws the rapier back to Giles, who catches it. Mayor: "See you at the Graduation." Buffy and Angel in the sewers. Buffy: "I want my life to be with you." Angel: "I don't." Buffy: "I can't believe you're breaking up with me." On the street in front of the Professor's place Angel gets shot and collapses. In the library Buffy pulls out the arrow, Giles smells it. Voice over by Angel: "It's poison. I can feel it." Angel collapses on the floor. Oz looking up from a book: "The only way to cure this thing is to drain the blood of a Slayer." Buffy and Faith fighting in her apartment. Buffy voice over: "If Angel needs to drain the blood of a Slayer then I'll bring him one." Buffy and Faith fall through the window. Buffy stabs Faith. Faith voice over: "You killed me." Faith falls and lands on the bed of a truck driving by. Buffy lays down the knife looking shocked then walks over to a ladder and climbs down the outside of the building. Pan over and up to the Mayor looking out through the broken window. The Mayor turns around as a vampire comes up behind him and says: "There is no one here, Sir."
Mayor: "No. No, she took the fight outside. My Faith doesn't like to be cooped up." Walks over to the vampire. "We have to find them. Put everyone on it. Do it now." Turns away from the vampire.
Vampire: "But Sir, the ascension..." Mayor spins back around and screams at the vampire: "Find them!" The vampire leaves. The Mayor starts pacing around, clearly very worried, talking to himself: "Faith's a good girl. She can take anything they'll throw at her. She's going to be all right. She'll be all right. She'll be all right." Part 2
Library: Giles comes out of his office massaging his right shoulder, while Xander walks in carrying a Styrofoam cup.
Xander: "Any word from Buffy?" Giles sits down at the table: "Not yet."
Xander: "Here is your cup of coffee. Brewed from the finest Colombian lighter fluid" Sits down across form Giles.
Giles: "Thank you." Takes a sip. "Horrible." Takes another sip.
Xander: "Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea anyway?"
Giles: "Tea is soothing. I wish to be tense."
Xander: "Okay. But you are destroying a perfectly good cultural stereotype here." Grins.
Giles puts down his cup: "Look through the, ah... Kepler (?) volumes." Xander picks up a book. "Any reference to the demon Olvukan." Xander opens the book. "Powers, weaknesses, hat size, anything. There's got to be something."
Xander: "Still batting zero?" Giles looks at him. "But I mean, ah... in cricket?" Cordelia walks into the library looking upset. Xander looks up from flipping pages: "Cordy! What's up?"
Cordelia: "I demand an explanation."
Xander: "For what?"
Cordelia: "Wesley."
Xander: "Uh - inbreeding?"
Cordelia: "So very funny. Any minute I am sure to laugh. I just got off the phone with him. He could hardly speak he was so upset. He said there was something about a fight? And he is leaving the country."
Giles: "Should I assay remorse?"
Cordelia: "Just tell me what's going on."
Giles: "Buffy has quit the council. She'll not be working with Wesley from now on."
Cordelia puzzled: "But he is her Watcher."
Giles: "Buffy no longer needs a Watcher."
Cordelia: "Well, does he have to leave the country? I mean, you got fired, and you still hang around like a big loser. Why can't he?"
Xander: "Cordelia. We are trying to stop a massacre here. Want to give us a hand?" Cordelia hesitates a moment then walks over to a chair taking off her jacket. "Sure. - This is just *such* a Buffy thing to do." Sits down. "She is *always* thinking of herself."
Cut to the mansion. Angel is laying in bed. The arrow wound looks red and inflamed. He is twisting restlessly, clearly in pain, and moaning softly. Willow dabs at his sweaty forehead with a wet rag. Angel opens his eyes.
Willow: "You're awake."
Angel reaches for her hand: "You've been watching over me?" Willow nods. Angel takes her hand and starts kissing it. He lays his other hand on Willows right arm. Willow taken aback and slightly worried: "Well, - we've been taking turns."
Angel: "I thought... - I thought I'd never see you again" Willow looks at him surprised and confused. Angel shakes his head "I can't leave you. I was wrong. I need you." Willow pulls her hand out of his: "Oh!" she pats his hand "You mean you need Buffy!" Angel lifts his head squinting his eyes at her. "Willow?'
Willow relieved: "Yes, - right!" She points at herself smiling "Willow!"
Angel trying to sit up: "Where is she?" Willow pushes him back down worried: "She'll be back soon." Angel sinks back and closes his eyes. Willow gets up and walks out into the main room where Oz is waiting for her.
Oz: "Any change?"
Willow: "He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy."
Oz: "You too, huh?"
Willow: "I hope she gets here soon. She better if... "
Oz sighs: "Yeah."
Willow: "I feel so... I feel so guilty."
Oz: "Guilty?"
Willow: "Well, things are so terrible, and things are coming apart, - but in some ways, this is the best night of my life." Oz blinks and reaches for her hand with a half smile: "Us." Willow smiles, nods and moves closer to him: "Us." They kiss. The door opens, Buffy walks in slowly, staring at the ground. Willow and Oz break apart guiltily.
Willow: "I just checked on him, just now. We're watching." Buffy walks up to then, looking unhappy. The left corner of her bottom lip is busted.
Oz: "Did you find Faith?" Buffy just looks at them saying nothing.
Willow: "You didn't... She's not here?"
Buffy shakes her head slightly: "How is he?"
Oz: "He comes in and out. I think the - pain is - less. Now."
Buffy frowns slightly: "Would you guys... - I'd like to be alone with him." Oz and Willow look at each other. Oz nods: "Of course." As they walk past Buffy Willow turns to her and says: "We'll try to find another cure." Buffy quietly as they leave the house: "Thanks."
Cut to Angel lying on his bed. Buffy sits down and takes his hand.
Angel: "Buffy." Buffy lays her right hand against the side of his face "Is that you?" Buffy gives him a slight smile: "It's me." Angel tries to smile in return: "I didn't want to go, without seeing you." Buffy puts a finger on his lips to stop him from talking.
Buffy: "Angel, I can cure you."
Angel: "It's okay. - I'm ready."
Buffy: "Angel listen to me." Takes a hold of his shoulders. "Sit up." Angel scoots up a little higher, but he is weak and moving clearly hurts a great deal.
Buffy: "You're gonna live. You have to live."
Angel frowns: "What way?"
Buffy: "Drink..." Angel frowns at her. Buffy takes off her jacket, a determined expression on her face. "Drink me." Angel stares at her in shock, he shakes his head rejecting the idea: "No."
Buffy: "It's the only way." Angel keeps shaking his head and forces himself up out of the bed, pushing Buffy aside: "No. - Get away." Buffy takes a hold of his right arm as he stands up, looking up at him: "It'll save you." Angel is looking down at the floor: "It'll kill you."
Buffy: "Maybe not. -. Not if you don't take it all." Angel keeps shaking his head, still not looking at her: "You can't ask me to do that."
Buffy: "I won't let you die. I can't." He still won't look at her. "Angel the blood of a Slayer is the only cure."
Angel finally glances at Buffy: "Faith..."
Buffy swallows and answers quietly: "I tired. - I killed her." Angel shakes his head and lurches away from Buffy: "Then it's over." Angel stumbles into the main room. He has trouble walking straight. Bumps into the wall, then stumbles and catches himself on the sofa table, spilling a pewter pitcher and plate onto the floor. Buffy grabs him by the arms and pulls him up to face her.
Buffy: "It is never over! I won't let you die. Drink!" Angel glances up at her swaying in her grip: "Please..." Buffy looks at him, then pulls back her right fist and hits his left temple. His head snaps around but he stays on his feet. He turns back to look at Buffy and she hits him again. He still doesn't go down, but it takes him a little longer to come back up. Buffy hits him a third time and this time Angel spins back with a growl vamped out. He just stands there, staring at her, while Buffy pulls down the shoulder strap of her shirt, then grabs him by the hair at the back of his head. She looks at him for a moment then firmly pulls his head down against her neck and holds him there. For a moment they remain like this. Then we see a close-up of his yellow eye looking down and he suddenly bites down. Buffy gasps with the pain but holds still. Angel is holding on to her now and you get to hear all those sucking and drinking noises. Close-up of his mouth on Buffy's neck: Some blood is running out beneath his lips and running down her shoulder. Buffy's face scrunches up, she mouths what looks like 'Oh Lord' and slowly sinks backwards to the floor. With Angel lying on top still drinking, Buffy's left hand reaches out and finds the pewter pitcher. She crushes it in her hand. The camera keeps jerking around the whole time, and Buffy is clearly not enjoying the experience. She puts her hands against his sides as if she was going to push him off, but kicks out with her left leg instead, breaking the sofa table in half. She stares up into the camera a tear in the corner of her left eye. Then her eyes drift shut and her head sinks to the side just as Angel finally rolls off her, panting. His face morphs back to human and he pushes himself up looking over at Buffy. The redness around the arrow wound is gone.
Angel worried: "Buffy?" She lies motionless eyes closed.
Angel bending over her: "Buffy!" Part 3 Angel runs into the hospital carrying a limp Buffy in his arms.
Angel: "I need some help! She lost a lot of blood."
Nurse: "What happened?"
Angel runs into the ER: "She needs blood."
Nurse: "Try to stay calm. We're going to take care of her." Angel lays Buffy down on a bed: "Something bit her. She needs a transfusion."
Doctor: "You found her?" Angel: "Yes." Doctor: "Was she conscious?"
Angel: "Yes." Doctor: "Are you *sure*?" Angel: "I'm sure."
Doctor: "Okay." To the nurse: "I need a type, I need cross-match. Get her on two lines of Wringer's lactate, and watch for hyper-bulimic shock." To Angel: "Tell me: What - happened?"
Angel: "Something bit her. I don't know what."
Doctor (to nurse): "Okay. I need a rabies shot treatment. (to Angel) Any allergies?"
Angel: "None." He rips the handle of the door without really noticing what he's doing. The doctor jumps back surprised. Angel (clearly upset and at the end of his patience): "*Just* help her."
Doctor after a beat: "You two been doing drugs? (Angel just looks at him) You want her to live, you have to be straight with me."
Angel: "She's clean."
Doctor: "All right. Wait outside. Let us work."
Angel: "A phone."
Doctor: "Right out there." With a last look at Buffy laying on the bed Angel leaves the room and goes over to a payphone digging some change out of his pocket. There is a police officer standing in the hall. While Angel dials we hear a different doctor: "The bones are set, and the damage to the kidneys is repairable." Camera pans through a nearby door to show a doctor talking to a distraught looking Mayor. "But the head trauma, its... well its simply to severe. You know, it's a wonder she's alive at all, with the blood loss. - I... I'm sorry Sir, there is almost no chance at all that she is ever going to regain consciousness." Camera pans over to show Faith laying in a hospital bed. She looks badly bruised. She is wearing an oxygen tube, an IV, and several monitoring devices. You can hear a heart monitor beeping. The Mayor reaches down and gently brushes her hair from her forehead and strokes her cheek.
Mayor: "It's your day." Camera pans to show a nurse coming up to the doctor behind him.
Nurse: "We have another girl with severe blood loss. Doctor Pal wants you to prep this on an anti cubal cut down (?)."
Doctor: "I'll be right there." Camera pans back to the Mayor, who realizes just who that other girl must be. He leaves the room and walks over to Buffy's bed. He puts his left hand over her mouth, also blocking her nose. Buffy starts to move her head with a soft protest. A nurse comes in and tries to pull his hand away, but is unable to budge him. :"Oh, my God. Sir! No!" She turns and runs out of the room shouting: "Somebody call security!" Close up on Buffy struggling harder. A pair of hands grab the Mayor and push him away from the bed.
Angel: "Don't do that!" The Mayor stumbles back, then gets right into Angel's face: "I will. I do that and *worse*. (looks over Angel's shoulder at Buffy) Murderous little fiend! Did you see what she did to my Faith?"
Angel: "Hadn't any plans to weep over that one."
Mayor seriously upset: "Well, I'd get set for some weeping if I were you. I'd get set for a *world* of pain! Misery loves company, young man, and I'm looking to share that with you and your *whore*!" Angel's hands shoot forward and he throws him clear across the room. The Mayor impacts with a window looking onto the corridor, breaking it, then drops to the floor overturning a small metal hospital table holding various implements. The noise brings two nurses to see what's going on. The Mayor looks up at a mad Angel and picks himself up laughing. Mayor brushing off his suit and gesturing towards Angel: "Looks like somebody has been eating his spinach. (looking over to the two nurses) No, its okay, folks. It's all right. The show's not over, but there will be a short intermission. (looks back at Angel) Don't want to miss the second act. (walks by Angel and out the door) All kinds of excitement!"
Angel breathing deeply: "I'll be there." Swallowing hard he looks back at Buffy laying still on the bed.
Cut to the hallway: Angel is crouched down next to the door to Buffy's room, his back against the wall. The door at the end of the hallway opens. Giles, Willow, Oz and Xander come in. Angel gets up.
Giles: "How is she?"
Angel: "She's fine. She's asleep."
Oz with a puzzled frown: "Well, you seem all right, too." Angel looks down and wraps his arms around himself: "Yeah." Xander looks him up and down: "What happened?"
Willow: "When we left her she was fine. Did Faith..." Angel interrupts her still not looking at any of them: "Faith's out of the picture. Buffy put her into a coma." Xander takes a deep breath and stares at Angel: "And?" Angel shaken and still not meeting their eyes: "Buffy cured me. - Made me..." trails off.
Giles: "You fed off her." Angel looks up at him, takes a deep breath and nods his head once: "Yes."
Giles rather stern: "How much?" Xander swallows hard and looks away.
Angel: "She's gonna be fine."
Willow: "She won't be a vampire?"
Angel looking down again: "No. - She didn't feed off me."
Xander shakes his head: "Well, its just good to know that when the chips are down and things look grim you'll feed off the girl who *loves* you to save your own *ass*!" Angel says nothing. Willow and Oz just look at him.
Giles curtly: "You better go, Angel. We'll watch over her."
Angel shakes is head: "I don't want to..." Giles interrupts in a hard voice: "The sun will be up soon." Angel hesitates, clearly reluctant to leave, glances up at Giles. Swallows hard and nods looking down, half looks towards Buffy's room, then slowly walks away.
Xander shakes his head: "Gosh, I'm really going to miss him when he leaves town."
Giles: "Let's go find out how Buffy's doing." They walk out of the picture as Angel leaves through the door at the end of the hallway.
Cut to Buffy walking through Faith's apartment her arms crossed in front of her. There are cardboard boxes stacked everywhere. Buffy stops and sees a cat jump up on Faith's bed.
Buffy: "Who's going to look after him?"
Faith: "It's a she. And aren't these things supposed to take care of themselves?" walks up behind Buffy and stops next to her.
Buffy: "A higher power guiding us?" Faith looks at her then turns away and keeps walking towards the camera: "I'm pretty sure that's not what I meant."
Buffy looking down: "There's something I'm supposed to be doing."
Faith: "Oh yeah. - Miles to go - Little Ms. Muffet counting down from 7-3-0."
Buffy grimaces: "Great. - Riddles." Faith standing in front of the broken window looking out: "Sorry, it's my head. A lot of new stuff." Buffy looks at her with a half smile. The cat on the bed turns for a split second into the image of a girl (Faith?) laying on the bed in white gown at the same time as Faith still looking out the broken window says: "They are never going to fix this, are they?"
Buffy concerned: "What about you?" Faith turns around and gestures at her head: "Scar tissue. It fades. It all fades." Buffy looks down with a frown. For a split second Faith's bloody knife appears in the palm of her hand. Faith as Buffy looks back up: "You want to know the deal? Human weakness - never goes away. Not even his."
Buffy with a half smile: "Is this your mind or mine?"
Faith with a short laugh: "Beats me." Buffy gives a little laugh in return and looks down. Faith walks towards her: "Getting towards that time." Buffy looks at all the boxes and the weapons laid out on the table beside her: "How are you going to fit all this stuff?"
Faith: "Not gonna. It's yours."
Buffy: "I can't use all of this!"
Faith: "Just take what you need. (reaches her right hand up to touch Buffy's cheek) "You're ready?" Flash to white and to Buffy waking up in the hospital. She gets out of bed and slowly walks over to where Faith lies. She looks down at her then softly kisses her forehead.
Cut to Buffy, fully dressed, walking down the corridor where Xander is pacing while the others are sitting on a bench. They see her and get up to greet her.
Willow: "Buffy!"
Xander: "Are you okay?"
Giles: "How do you feel?"
Buffy looks around: "Is Angel here?"
Oz: "He had to go. It got kinda sunny."
Buffy: "Get him. Get everyone."
Xander: "What exactly is up?"
Giles: "Buffy, are you sure you're all right?"
Buffy: "I'm ready."
Willow: "Ready for what?"
Buffy: "War." Part 4
In front of Sunnydale High: there are benches set up for the graduation and a podium for the speaker. Snyder stands at a table holding a box full of diplomas, tapping one of them in his hands and looking around, then sticking it into the box with the others.
Cut to the library: Buffy is sitting on a chair with her back to the door, facing the others. Giles and Xander on the right side of the table, Willow and Oz on the left, Cordelia standing just left of the steps, while Angel is over against the wall on the right side of the steps in the shadows.
Buffy: "So, am I crazy?"
Willow: "Well, 'crazy' is such a *strong* word."
Giles chewing on his glasses: "Let's not rule it out though."
Buffy: "You don't think it can be done?"
Giles: "I didn't say that. I might, - but not yet."
Cordelia: "I personally don't think it's impossible to come up with a crazier plan."
Oz: "We attack the Mayor with humus." Everyone looks at him.
Cordelia: "I stand corrected."
Oz: "Just trying to keep things in perspective."
Cordelia sarcastic: "Thank you. - My point however is, crazy or not, it's pretty much the only plan. - Besides, it's Buffy's, - and she's slay gal, - you know, Ms little Likes-to-fight. So.."
Xander interrupts her: "I think there was a 'yea' vote buried in there somewhere."
Buffy: "Well, I'm going to need every single one of you on board. Especially you Xander. You're sort of the key figure here."
Xander: "Key? - Me? (takes a deep breath) Okay, - pride, - humility, - and here is the mind numbing fear. (sighs) What do I have to do?"
Buffy: "Do you remember any of your military training from when you became soldier guy?"
Xander points at her: "Uh, rocket launcher?"
Buffy regretfully: "Rocket launcher not going to get it done. I mean, it took a volcano to kill one of these things last time." Giles gets up and walks towards her: "Um, Buffy, all of this is rather depended on your being able to control the Mayor."
Buffy: "Faith told me to play on his human weakness."
Willow: "Faith told you? Was that before or after you put her into a coma?"
Buffy: "After." Willow: "Oh." Then looks confused over at Oz.
Giles: "His weakness." Buffy: "Right." Giles: "Which is...?"
Buffy: "You know I do all this planing. I'm in charge here, even though I am really not at my best..." Giles puts his glasses back on: "Well, let's... let's...ah, let's think."
Oz: "Well, Angel, you hung with him the most. Is there something that he's afraid of?" Buffy's looking down uncomfortably.
Angel: "Well, he's not crazy about germs."
Cordelia: "Of course, that's it. We attack him with germs!"
Buffy: "Great! We'll corner him and then you can sneeze on him."
Cordelia gesturing excitedly: "No! No, we'll get a box with the Ebola virus and... and.... Or it doesn't even have to be real, we can just get a box that says Ebola on it and... uhm (snaps her fingers) chase him... (Oz frowns and no one else says anything) with the box..."
Xander: "I'm starting to lean towards the humus offensive."
Oz: "He'll never see it coming."
Angel: "Faith." Buffy glances over at him and asks: "Faith?"
Angel: "At the hospital he was grieving. Seriously crazed, and not just in a homicidal I want to be a demon way. (Wesley comes in the door behind Buffy) She is his weak link."
Buffy: "Faith. (looks up at Giles) I can work that."
Wesley coming up behind her: "You haven't an enormous amount of time."
Xander: "Hey it's Mr. States-the-Obvious."
Buffy without turning around: "The council is not welcome here. I have no time for orders. If I need someone to scream like a woman I'll give you a call." Wesley comes to stand next to her: "I'm not here for the council. Just tell me how I can help." Buffy looks up at him.
Cordelia: "That is so classy! (looks around at the others) Isn't he just so classy?"
Buffy: "It's a start."
Wesley: "So there is something I can do... besides scream like a woman."
Buffy: "There is plenty. There is chores for everyone. (Get up off her chair) Okay, this is..."
Cut to the Mayor speaking to his hench-vamps: "...how it's going to lay out. The transformation should begin at exactly 3:28. I'll just be finishing my speech - you know, it's too bad you fellows have to miss that, because I think it speaks to everyone of us. I mean, heck, I've been working on it for a hundred years. It better be good. (laughs) They'll try to run, of course, and this is when I'll need you boys in flanking position."
Vampire: "But Sir, the sun!"
Mayor: "Not a problem." Blends into the library and Wesley reading: "Darkness will follow and day becomes night." Buffy stands next to him with her arms crossed: "An eclipse."
Wesley: "Standard procedure for an ascension?"
Angel steps up to them: "That puts me back into the game."
Buffy: "Yea, it does. You and Xander are going to have to work together now. Can you guys handle that?" Neither one of them looks precisely overjoyed at the prospect.
Xander: "But I'm still key-guy, right?" Buffy: "Right." Xander: "Then Angel, - in his non key-guy capacity, - can work with me."
Angel sarcastic: "What fun."
Xander to Angel: "Hey! Key-guy is still talking..."
Buffy: "Oh, that's good! Start bickering. That's going to look great for us. (walks past them towards the steps) You guys are like little old ladies!"
Cut to the Mayor pointing at a map: "You come up through the sewers here. The important thing is containment. I'll need to feed. It's crucial in the first few minutes to sustain the change. What does that mean? (shakes his finger at them) No snacking. I see blood on your lips, it's a visit to the wood shed for you boys. Kill. Don't feed."
Cut to Buffy coming to look over Oz' and Willow's shoulders as they are looking through some books on the table of the library. Buffy: "So, how are we coming on vulcano detail?"
Oz: "I think we can work it out."
Willow: "Fun with chemistry."
Buffy: "Xander said he should be able to get the materials."
Oz: "Who's going to stoke it up?" Buffy turns to Giles coming up beside them: "You feel up to it?"
Giles taking off his glasses: "Ah, I suppose it should be I. It's strangely fitting in a grotesque fashion."
Buffy: "Okay guys, start reaching out. Giles: weapons, weapons, weapons." Starts walking out.
Giles: "Ah, what about you?"
Buffy: "There is something I have to get."
Cut to the Mayor: "Remember: fast and brutal. It's going to be a whole new world come nightfall, don't want to weaken now. (the vampires start leaving his office) And boys? - Let's watch the swearing."
Cut to Xander walking into a classroom where Harmony is talking with two other girls. Xander takes her by the arm: "Harmony, listen, I need to talk to you for a second."
Harmony: "You mean in front of other people?" Xander grimaces and pulls her out of the room.
Cut to Percy wearing his graduation gown: "Are they serious? I'm going to look stupid in this!"
Willow comes up behind him: "Percy!"
Percy turns to her: "Do I look stupid in this? Be honest."
Willow: "You look great. You got a sec?"
Cut to Wesley and Cordelia putting books into boxes in the library. The glance at each other a couple of times when the other isn't looking, but continue packing. Wesley straightens up and says firmly: "Cordelia." Cordelia spins around to face him: "Yes."
Wesley: "You know that... when this is over..." Cordelia: "Yes." Wesley: "uhm, well, should we prevail... I'll be going back to England." Cordelia turns back to the shelf and take down another book: "I know."
Wesley shifting awkwardly: "With Buffy no longer working for the council, there really is... no place for me here." Cordelia turns back around and steps closer to him: "I guess not." Wesley takes a step towards her clasping his hands in front of him: "No... reason to stay." Cordelia inches closer: "No." Wesley inches close as well: "No. No... cause to hope that...(takes off his glasses while Cordy looks down) I might be needed?" Cordy looks up at him: "Needed?" Wesley: "Or... wanted..." Cordelia: "Wanted..." Wesley takes a deep breath and leans down to kiss Cordy putting his hands behind his back. Cordy puts a on his shoulder and tries to kiss him. They bump noses and juggle awkwardly. Wesley waves his hand s around in the air beside Cordy. Cordy tries to wrap her arms around his back to pull him (unsuccessfully) closer. They maneuver around a bit more then pull back to look at each other breaking apart. Cordy looks to the side and wipes her mouth. They try again but with about as much success. They break back apart and Cordy sighs in frustration and disappointment. She wipes her mouth again and looks back up at him taking a deep breath: "Good look in England." Wesley nods and puts his glasses back on: "Yes, uhm, I'll drop you a line some time."
Cordy smiles at him: "That'll be neat."
Wesley smiles back at her: "Yes, hmm..." Wesley wipes his mouth as they turn away from each other and go back to packing up the books.
Cut to Larry and Jonathon taking sacks of fertilizer (?) from Oz and Willow out of Oz' black van and putting them into a shopping cart.
Oz: "Okay, put these with the others. Don't touch anything."
Jonathon: "Uh, wha... what do we do then?"
Oz: "Nothing."
Willow: "Just relax. Have a good time."
Jonathon: "O... Okay."
Larry: "Okay, it's clear. Lets move." Starts moving off with the shopping cart while Jonathon shuts the van's sliding door. Cut inside the van.
Willow: "I guess that's it. Won't be long now."
Oz (concerned): "You nervous?"
Willow swallows: "Only in a... terrified way."
Oz takes her hand: "We'll make it through this."
Willow: "Are you sure?"
Oz considers: "I sound pretty sure, don't I?"
Willow smiles: "Yeah."
Oz half smiles: "Then I must be sure."
Willow frowns at him: "Is that just a comforting way of not answering the question?" Oz blinks and almost shrugs. Willow and oz lean forward and they kiss softly. Oz puts his hand up to caress the side of her head. They kiss some more. Willow pulls away just a little and slowly opens her eyes: "How long till graduation?"
Oz: "A little while." Willow moves to kiss him again.
Cut to Buffy walking into Giles office where Angel is sorting through weapons. When she sees Angel she hesitates for a moment, then continues in. Angel with out turning around to see who came in: "Did you get what you needed?" Buffy coming up next to him: "Yeah, I did. (looks at the weapons) This isn't going to be enough." Angel still looking down at the stuff on the table: "Giles is on it. (as Buffy turns and starts to leave he turns and asks quickly) How are you?" Buffy stops and slowly turns towards him avoiding his eyes she says quietly: "I heal fast. Like you." then louder: "So, are we sure that everyone knows what their position..." Angel interrupts her looking down at the table, quietly: "I'm not going to say good-bye." Buffy looks up at him with a frown, which slowly dissolves. Angel glances up at her, looks back down, swallows then looks back up: "If we get through this... I'm just going to go." Buffy slowly looks down.
Angel: "You understand? (Buffy nods slightly and swallows hard) There is just too much to..." Buffy puts up a hand to stop him. Angel hesitates a moment then puts down the crossbow bolt he has been playing with and turns to leave quietly. Buffy takes a slow breath then looks down at her hands and unwraps the white cloth in her hand to reveal Faith's knife with some dried blood still coloring the blade.
Cut to the quad and the student taking their seats. The music stops and the students sit down.
Snyder at the podium: "Congratulations to the class of 1999. You all proved more or less adequate. This is a time of celebration, so: sit still and be quiet. (Surveys the students) Spit out that gum. - Please welcome our distinguished guest speaker: Richard Wilkins the 3rd. (to one of the students) I saw that gesture. You see me after graduation." Turns and claps.
Cut to the students clapping and Willow and Oz running to take their places. Willow sits down next to Buffy.
Willow: "Am I late? To the fight? (?)" The Mayor shakes Snyder's hand and steps up to the podium. Smiles and takes out some cue cards. Mayor clears his throat and surveys the students: "Well. What a day this is! - Special day. Today is our centennial the one hundreds anniversary of the founding of Sunnydale, and I know what that means to all you kids: not - a darn thing. Because today something much more important happens: today you all graduate from high school. Today all the pain, all the work, all the excitement is finally over. And what's a hundred years of history compared to that? You know what kids? ..."
Buffy: "Oh my God. He's going to do the entire speech."
Willow: "Man, just ascend already."
Buffy: "Evol!"
Mayor: "... for all of you it may be that there is a place in Sunnydale's history, whether you like it or not. It's been a long road getting here. For you... for Sunnydale. There has been achievement, joy, good times,... and there has been grief. There's been loss. Some people who should be here today... aren't. (close-up on Buffy listening) But we are. - Journey's end. And what is a journey? Is it just... distance traveled? Time spent? (shakes his head) No. It's what happens on the way, it the things that happen to you. At the end of the journey you're not the same. Today is about change. (close-up on Willow) Graduation doesn't just mean your circumstances change, it means you do. You ascend... to a higher level. (Pan across Xander and Cordy) Nothing will ever be the same. (a shadow falls across the Mayor) Nothing." He looks up. Buffy and the other students look up to see the sun being totally blocked. The Mayor flinches in pain. Then swallows and continues his speech: "And so as we look back on... (Pain hits him again and he turns half to the side groaning) on the events that brought us to this day (another wave of pain) "
Buffy with her hat off: "Come on."
Mayor: "We... (stops in pain again all the students are watching tensely) we must all...(screams) (the students and the faculty look at each other uneasily) It has begun. My destiny. (smiles) It's a little sooner then I expected I had this whole section on civic pride... (shuffles cue cards) But I guess we'll just skip to the big finish!" Buffy and Willow look at each other as the Mayor starts to grimace and stretch and grow. His suit splits around him and Snyder is leaning back in his seat looking taken aback. The Mayor suddenly transforms into a big snake-like demon with clawed mandibles surrounding its mouth. It keeps growing, stretching higher as the faculty abandons their seats. The students get up but stay in place staring up at the Mayor, who seems to stretch up above the roof of the school.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Part 5 The Students stare up as the parents in the back to panic and leave. A group of vampires comes up the steps behind the students.
Buffy: "Now!" All the students take off their gowns revealing crosses, axes, and other assorted weaponry.
Buffy: "Flame units." (Several students (including Larry point flame throwers at the Mayor and start flaming him. The Mayor sways above the students screaming. Buffy nods at Xander.
Xander: "First wave! (a group of students including Willow aim cross bows loaded with lance points at the Mayor) Fire!" The Mayor screams and sways then lunges down and swallows a student in the first row. Buffy stares in shock, as some of the students start milling around.
Snyder upset: "This... this is simply unacceptable!" Three up the students break and run right into the group of vampires waiting on the steps. Oz looks over as they are quickly killed by the vampires.
Oz turns back around: "Xander?"
Xander: "Arm bow men (Oz and some others pick up long bows and arrows. The vampires slowly move up the steps as the kids lit their arrows on fire and take aim) Fire!" The students let fly a mass and several vampires are hit and turn into flaming dust. Xander looks back at the students in front of the Mayor. Jonathan comes flying through the air and lands on top some students knocking them down. Buffy to the students around her: "Fall back!"
Xander to the bow men: "Fire!" The students let fly with the fire arrows again and several more vampires get hit. The vampires turn to leave only to find themselves confronted by another group of students led by Angel who is flanked by Percy and Wesley. They look at each other for a moment then Angel's group attacks. Angel starts beat up some vampires. Wesley runs up and right into a vampires fist, falls on his back (ala clothes line trick). Angel fights two or three vampires at once easily holding his own. The flame units once more shoot fire at the Mayor. Larry's flame thrower cuts out or jams and after a moment he put is down and takes up a lance. The Mayor's tail whips around, throwing Larry up in the air. He lands hard in front of the podium.
Cut to Angel throwing some vampires around. Cut to Buffy getting up on a chair and looking up at the Mayor. Cut to Snyder looking up: "This is not orderly. This is not discipline!" Cut to the Mayor's snake head whipping around. Cut to Snyder talking to the Mayor: "You're on my campus buddy!"
Cut to view point of the Mayor looking down at Snyder. Snyder: "And when I say I want quiet, I want..."
Cut to the Mayor's head coming down and swallowing Snyder. Buffy and Xander look on in horror. Buffy to the students around her: "Fall Back! Get back! (She gets down from her chair and turns to Willow) Go!" Willow says: "Good luck!" then leaves.
Buffy: "Xander take 'em down." Xander pulls a stake out of his back pocket: "Everyone: hand to hand! (Buffy reaches into her jacket) Everyone! Lets go! Move! Move!"
Cut to Angel sending a vampire flying, then taking care of two others. His group is driving the vampires back up the steps. One of them turns around and yells: "Get the kids!" The other vampires turn to follow his lead only to find themselves confronted with a mass of armed and angry teenagers with baseball bats, crosses and stakes. Harmony gets bit, but another girl starts whaling on her attacker with a bat. Jonathon jumps a vampire and falls down the steps with him.
Xander struggling with another vampire: "Right flank close in. Close!(pushes the vampire off) Jason and Paul(?) you guys are right flank!"
Cut to Angel punching another two vampires. Cut to Cordy staking a vampire coming at her in good form. Cut to Oz moving down the steps. Cut to Wesley still laying on his back lifting a hand and looking around.
Wesley groaning: "How about some help here..." We see feet rushing past him. Cut to students fighting.
Cut to the Mayor's head swing in the air.
Mayor's PoV: Buffy: "Hey! (holds Faith's knife in her right hand) You remember this? (Close on Buffy looking up at the Mayor) I took it from Faith. Stuck it in her gut. (Looks at the knife then back up at the Mayor) Just slid in her like she was butter." Cut to the Mayor gnashing his teeth and growling.
Mayor's PoV: Buffy: "You want to get it back from me (close up on Buffy) Dick?"
Camera from Mayor's PoV: Buffy turns and runs into the school with the Mayor in pursuit.
Cut to the hall: Buffy opens the door and runs in. The Mayor barrels down the door and some of the surrounding wall as he pursues her. Buffy keeps running towards the library while the Mayor tears through the school like a freight train. Buffy runs into the library, vaults a banister looking back at the Mayor. The Mayor looks around the library and sees the barrels of diesel fuel and bags of fertilizer stacked everywhere. Buffy keeps running and jumps out of a window. Cut to the Mayor looking around and growling. Mayor (in his own voice that sounds like it is coming from the bottom of a rain barrel): "Well, gosh."
Cut to Buffy crouching down next to Giles who pushes down the plunger. Cut to a fire cloud erupting from the top of the school. Cut to Xander and Angel looking up at the explosion. Cut to some more explosions erupting from the school. Cut to Percy laying on the steps looking up at them. Cut to Jonathon protectively wrapping his arms around a girl as he looks at another explosion. Cut to more explosions erupting all along the school. Cut to Buffy and Giles nest to the plunger. Close on Buffy staring then looking over at Giles.
Cut to police cars and fire trucks parked in front of the school. The air is dark and smoky. We see two fire men wheeling a gurney with a groaning Wesley over towards an ambulance.
Wesley: "If I could... could just get something for the pain. It's rather a lot of pain, actually. Aspirin? If you would... uh... ah...(The fire men start sliding the gurney into the ambulance) Perhaps I could just be knocked unconscious." More groaning as they slide him into the ambulance. Pan to Xander and Buffy walking by. Xander watches Wesley being put in the ambulance. Buffy keeps looking around her.
Xander: "We got off pretty cheap... considering."
Buffy still looking around: "Seems like we did." They walk a few more steps then Buffy stops still looking around. Xander stops beside her his hands buried in his pockets.
Xander: "He made it through the fight. (Buffy whips around to look at him) Guess maybe he (take a deep breath) he took off after." Buffy blinks and looks down. Xander makes a grimace then turns and walks away. Buffy stand there, again looking around, and Giles comes up to her. Giles puts a hand on her shoulder: "Are you all right?" Buffy lays her head to one side: "I'm tired."
Giles smiles: "I should imagine so. It's been quite a couple of days."
Buffy tiredly: "I haven't processed everything yet. (with a small laugh) My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. (takes a deep breath) It's pretty much: fire bad; tree pretty."
Giles shakes his head: "Understandable. Well, when it's working again congratulate it on a good campaign. You did very well."
Buffy nods: "Thank you. I will."
Giles puts his glasses on: "I ah... I managed to ferret this out of the wreckage. Now, it may not interest you, but... (reaches into his jacket and pulls out a high school diploma) I'd say you earned it." Hands it to Buffy who looks at it and takes it. Giles taking a deep breath and looking around: "There is a certain (takes off his glasses) dramatic irony that's attached to all this. A Synchronicity that borders on... on predestination, one might say."
Buffy looks at him: "Fire bad; tree pretty.'
Giles looks at her: "Yes, s...sorry. (puts his glasses back on) I'm going to see to Wesley, see if he's... is still... (suppressing a laugh) whimpering." Walks off and Buffy looks after him. Suddenly she turns around a slight frown on her face. Her eyes lock on something and her face clears. Cut to Angel standing beside a fire truck looking at her. Close on Angel's face. Close on Buffy's face. Both just staring at each other. Buffy blinks and her face falls. She hugs herself a little closer. Close on Angel, first obscured by some firemen walking by, then by a cloud of smoke. The smoke blows by and he steps back, slowly turns around and walks off. Cut to Buffy watching him leave. Cut to Angel disappearing into the smoke.
Cut to Willow sitting on a stone bench in front of the school, Xander sitting beside her on the ground and Oz standing behind her. Cordelia come walking up to them.
Cordelia: "Well, that's the most fun you can have without having any fun."
Willow smiling: "How about the part where we kicked some demon ass. (Oz strokes her hair from behind) I didn't hate that."
Xander: "Hear, hear!"
Buffy come walking up: "You guys want to take off? I think we've done pretty much all we can." Cordelia raises her eyebrows and nods: "I'm for it."
Willow looks up at Buffy: "Are you okay?" Buffy nods and says in a small voice: "Yeah... I'm okay. - I could use a little sleep though."
Willow nods and agrees emphatically: "Yeah." Buffy sits down on the bench next to her: "If someone could just wake me when it's time to go to college, that'd be great." Willow smiles at her. Oz his hands in his pockets: "Guys take a moment to deal with this: - we survived." Xander nods.
Buffy: "It was a hell of a battle!"
Oz: "Not the battle (Cordy looks at him) high school." They all look quietly at the school and listen to the crickets chirping.
Oz: "We're taking a moment (Willow and Buffy get up from the bench. Oz looks at Cordy) and we're done." Xander get up and walks off next to Cordelia: "Well, School's done." Oz puts an arm around Willow as they all walk off together. Xander: "It's ssso... Cool!"
Willow: "Why do demons even come here any more? I mean, don't they know..." Camera pans down to show a maroon Sunnydale High 99 yearbook with the word 'The Future Is Ours' on it. | Plan: A: her; Q: What does Buffy force Angel to feed on to save his life? A: hers; Q: What life does Angel rush Buffy to the hospital to save? A: a guest speaker; Q: What was the Mayor doing at Sunnydale when he Ascends? A: Olvikan; Q: What is the name of the demon that the Mayor becomes? A: Faith; Q: Who is in a coma? A: the doctors; Q: Who expects Faith to never wake up? Summary: Buffy forces Angel to feed on her to save his life and he must rush her to the hospital to save hers. The Mayor, as a guest speaker at Sunnydale, Ascends and becomes the demon Olvikan. Meanwhile, Faith remains in a coma, from which the doctors expect her never to wake. |
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Keith is in his office. Harmony arrives at the door in 304 "Charlie Don't Surf."
HARMONY: Hi. Do you remember me by any chance?
KEITH: Harmony, right?
HARMONY: Right.
Mason tempts Wallace to ditch his studying in 305 "President Evil."
MASON: What's your problem?
WALLACE: Just that I'm officially failing Mechanical Engineering.
MASON: Call this number. It's a tutor.
Wallace turns up at Max's door brandishing the cash to pay for the answers to his upcoming Mechanical Engineering exam. Cut to Fern on Piz's radio show, receiving a text message from Sara M. saying that Claire was raped in 303 "Wichita Linebacker."
FERN: They raped Claire. [with air quotes] The blonde in the middle? Veronica and a nearly bald Claire talk in front of a pumpkin sale stand in 305 "President Evil."
VERONICA: I have the ATM photo from that night.
CLAIRE: The guy who did this to me?
The picture shows Claire with all her hair but in an incapacitated state accompanied by an Asian youth.
CLAIRE: I have no idea who this is. Veronica and Logan arrive at the home of the Asian youth and speak to his housemate.
VERONICA: Is Wang Yi here?
BEN: Why?
Veronica holds up the ATM picture.
VERONICA: Because he raped this girl.
BEN: Claire? I doubt it. She's Wang's girlfriend.
End previously.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE - DAY.
The door to Dean O'Dell's office is closed, but voices from inside can be heard clearly.
CLAIRE: [offscreen] Dean O'Dell, give me the chance to explain!
DEAN O'DELL: [offscreen] I don't care what kind of point you're trying to make.
The camera moves back from the door to reveal Nish and Veronica sitting on either end of a small couch, separated by far more than the width of a cushion. They are listening, both looking fairly unhappy.
DEAN O'DELL: [offscreen] Fake a rape, then bring in your lawyer? What universe do you live in? Have you gone completely insane? Nish looks over at Veronica.
NISH: So is this what you wanted?
VERONICA: [flatly] You think this is what I wanted?
The couch is opposite a desk on which a phone can be seen. The intercom on the phone sounds.
DEAN O'DELL: Angela, get 'em in here. Nish, with an exasperated huff, leaps up from the couch.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.
Inside the office, Claire is sitting in front of Dean O'Dell's desk. There is a man sitting next to her. Nish and Veronica enter.
MR. DAVIS: If you examine it closely, Dean O'Dell, the facts are still- Dean O'Dell is standing behind his desk, waving around a wad of papers.
DEAN O'DELL: The facts are Miss Mars's story here, and she has the notes and evidence to back it up, I believe? He looks up at Veronica, who has just entered and closed the door behind her, coming to a halt next to Nish. Veronica nods.
DEAN O'DELL: Yes. We have photos, we have witnesses, we have the boyfriend who helped. There's no question Claire lied about the rape and the Hearst Charter is quite clear about this. You want to challenge the charter, that's fine. We have lawyers too, and they're a lot scarier than you, Mr. Davis. Miss Nordhouse. You're expelled from Hearst College as of this moment, and so it your lawyer. That's all. Claire looks shocked. She glances at her lawyer who remains silent. She rises quickly from her seat, as does her lawyer, to exit the room as Dean O'Dell takes his seat at his desk. As Claire passes Veronica for the door, she throws her a parting shot.
CLAIRE: Happy? Veronica doesn't respond, but simply watches them both leave before returning her attention to O'Dell.
DEAN O'DELL: Madame Editor, why didn't I read this story in the Hearst paper? O'Dell holds out a copy of the Hearst Free Press.
DEAN O'DELL: I found the facts fairly simple to corroborate.
NISH: I felt I had a responsibility to exercise some caution with a story implying the rapes might have been faked. In case you haven't noticed, it's a powder keg out there.
DEAN O'DELL: I noticed, but I didn't see much caution when you implicated the Pi Sigma house. You're supposed to at least pretend to be objective. I'm afraid I'm gonna need you to step down as editor of the Free Press.
NISH: It's a student paper! You can't.
DEAN O'DELL: I'm a devious old man, Nish. You'd be surprised what I can do. You're done there, as of this moment.
O'Dell punctuates his decision by rising to his feet.
NISH: [threateningly] You'll regret this. Nish slowly rounds past Veronica, leaning in to her for her own parting shot.
NISH: [softly] And so will you. Veronica watches her leave with a look that is less concerned and more "Get over yourself."
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.
Wallace is now sitting on the same small couch, looking very anxious. The door to O'Dell's office is open from Nish's exit and Veronica can be seen still standing there. O'Dell passes by her and comes to the door, addressing Professor Winkler, who is sitting on a chair by the door.
DEAN O'DELL: David. Sorry to keep you waiting. Winkler rises from his chair. Veronica, realising that she has been dismissed, turns to leave the office.
DEAN O'DELL: It's been a hell of a week. Come on in. As Winkler passes Veronica in the doorway, Wallace rises slowly. Veronica gazes at him questioningly as she passes him. O'Dell gestures for him to enter his office.
DEAN O'DELL: Mr. Fennel. Wallace stares back at her, swallowing hard, before following Winkler into the office. O'Dell shuts the door.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.
Winkler occupies the chair left vacant by Mr. Davis, with Wallace next to him.
WINKLER: This is hardly the first time we've caught an athlete cheating. With Mr. Fennel, I'll take some of the blame. We usually don't take athletes in the programme, it's just too demanding, especially with standardised test scores as low as his. Wallace sinks down uncomfortably in his seat.
WINKLER: If I'd paid closer attention to the- Winkler is interrupted by the arrival of Mindy O'Dell who enters the office without knocking, carrying a small paper bag..
MINDY: Oh, I'm sorry. She heads for her husband.
DEAN O'DELL: Pardon us. My important lunch. Mindy chuckles and puts the bag on the desk which the dean reaches for immediately. Winkler watches, smiling indulgently.
DEAN O'DELL: Better be a cookie in there.
MINDY: Oh, of course there isn't.
O'Dell pulls out a sandwich and an apple.
DEAN O'DELL: Why do you punish me like this?
MINDY: Because I'm your wife, that's what I'm for. Remember?
Mindy glances at Wallace who smiles at her. Mindy leans to her husband.
MINDY: [softly] Be merciful. She kisses the side of his head glancing back at Wallace as she does. She leaves the office.
DEAN O'DELL: She probably ate the damn cookie herself. So, what do you have to say?
WALLACE: I'm with her on the mercy thing.
O'Dell nods.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY LECTURE ROOM - DAY.
Professor Landry is at the front of the room. Timothy Foyle is passing out papers amongst the students.
LANDRY: The whole of human knowledge, right there online, and these papers are thin. Am I crazy to expect better? And if you're confused as to what better is, let me direct you to the front... Landry slides off the desk on which he was resting to walk back to the blackboard. Written on the board behind him is the heading "Test Next Week," followed by: "Intro to stalking concepts. Is to provide law enforcement, investigators, and others with a conceptual overview of the development of stalking both as behavior and as a crime. Terms, definitions & tech." One paper is pinned to the top of the board.
LANDRY: Where I've posted our only example of A-calibre work. Timothy has reached Veronica and hands her graded paper to her. On the front, in red ink, is written "A - excellent work."
LANDRY: Nice job, Miss Mars. The other students grumble at this, some turning to stare hostilely at Veronica.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Well, this should make me popular.
LANDRY: All righty, that's all for today. See you next time.
The students start to rise and collect their stuff together.
LANDRY: Don't forget. Read both chapters. Both! Timothy approaches Landry with a wad of papers.
TIMOTHY: Professor [?right?], the Columbia studies...maybe we can, if you want to- Landry isn't interested and holds up a hand to stop him.
LANDRY: [dismissively] Just make copies for tomorrow, Tim. Landry calls over Timothy's shoulder.
LANDRY: Uh, Veronica! Landry leaves Timothy behind. Veronica turns at the calling out of her name and steps towards Landry.
LANDRY: You free for lunch? Timothy watches, pissed off.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.
Music: unidentified. Landry and Veronica are sitting at one of the small tables in the middle of the Food Court. Veronica is hanging on every word.
LANDRY: [enthusiastically] Databases, chemistry, psychology, that's where the action is. Are you taking any psych?
Veronica shakes her head.
LANDRY: Take Wagner's class, he's the best. If you want a double major- Veronica gulps.
VERONICA: Double? I haven't even declared one major...yet. She laughs and picks up her drink.
LANDRY: Consider this a sales talk. I not only think of you as a very bright woman in general, I also think that you're a natural when it comes to criminal work. Now, I'm not saying this to be nice or supportive. I'm saying it because it's true and it's because I want someone like you in my programme. I think I should be your faculty advisor. Veronica's eyes widen.
LANDRY: I think you're capable of great work here, Veronica, and I'd like to help you do it. End of sales talk. Veronica stares at him with something approaching adoration.
KEITH: [offscreen] He sounds like a hell of a guy.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
End music: unidentified. Veronica and Keith are in the kitchen area, washing and drying dishes. Veronica is waxing lyrical.
VERONICA: Not only is he smart, but he's the biggest gun in the department, so him offering to be my advisor, it's just...
Veronica finishes the washing up and dries her hands as Keith vigorously rubs the plate she's handed him.
KEITH: Yeah, I'm not surprised. But I wish you would consult with me before you start phasing me out of your life. Veronica smiles and heads for the small hallway.
VERONICA: Dad.
KEITH: He's smart, huh? Is he smarter than your old man?
Veronica turns and points at him.
VERONICA: You know, actually, you two have a lot in common. You'd like him. Keith shouts after her as she disappears into the hallway, heading for her bedroom.
KEITH: Can I take him in a fight? Be honest. Veronica throws him a last smile before leaving him alone. As he finishes drying the dish, the phone rings. Keith picks it up.
KEITH: Hello.
HARMONY: [on telephone] Keith, hi, it's Harmony.
KEITH: Hi! Uh...
Keith glances furtively down the hallway to check for Veronica.
KEITH: Is everything okay?
HARMONY: Oh, fine, actually.
INT - CHASE RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.
Harmony is walking in the lounge at home.
HARMONY: I know that our professional relationship is over, but... She sinks down onto the couch.
HARMONY: I enjoyed, you know, talking. The camera switches between the two locations for the duration of the conversation.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE/CHASE RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.
KEITH: [hesitantly] Uh, yeah, me too. HARMONY: So, my husband has taken our daughter to Orlando for a couple of weeks. I've got passes to the Noir Festival at the Orient and no one to go with and I was thinking, you're a guy with an interest in... KEITH: In the noir business? HARMONY: Right. And maybe you might want to, you know, join me, just grab a movie.
Keith casts another glance towards Veronica's room and swallows hard.
HARMONY: Keith?
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOYLE'S OFFICE - DAY.
Veronica appears at the door. Behind her can be seen a large notice board, covered in posters and notices, including one calling on students to "Save Darfur" and one still seeking a bassist. Veronica knocks on the door jamb with a humourless smile. Timothy, thumbing through a filing cabinet drawer, looks over at her.
VERONICA: I got a text message... Veronica holds up her cell phone.
VERONICA: Saying you wanted to see me. Veronica's smile is replaced by a defiant glare.
TIMOTHY: I think it was "needed," not "wanted." Timothy matches her tone as he shuts the drawer and heads for the bookcase.
VERONICA: Ah. How did you get this number? I don't give it out to anyone. Timothy concentrates on picking out a book.
TIMOTHY: You're not the only one at this school who has certain...gifts.
VERONICA: Gifts. That was my grandmother's term for, um, female...
Veronica gestures a woman's curves with her hands and whistles.
VERONICA: Just so you know. What did you need to see me about? Timothy turns to face her.
TIMOTHY: You know, Hearst has a pretty strict policy when it comes to plagiarism.
VERONICA: Yes. Did, uh, someone plagiarise?
Timothy points at her.
TIMOTHY: Well, you did. Veronica is bemused.
TIMOTHY: One of your classmates turned you in. There's a programme we run to check papers. It scans online for similar phrases-
VERONICA: I know how it works, but I-
Timothy moves to his desk.
TIMOTHY: Your paper lit up like a Christmas tree.
VERONICA: What?! I didn't copy my paper!
TIMOTHY: So I assumed, but...
Timothy taps some keys on his keyboard.
TIMOTHY: Well, that's your paper there. Veronica hurries around the desk to peer at the screen. On screen is a pdf file of Veronica's paper. At the top is the identification of the student, title and info: "Veronica Mars, 33-92811. Integrating Criminological Theories and Perspectives for A Truer Underst.... Processed on 11-04-06 at 3:34PM. Word Count: 3347." The bottom part of the front sheet can be seen: "Veronica Mars. November 3, 2006. Professor Landry. CRIM 102," as can the top of the next page, marked "Mars 2": "Integrating Criminological Theories and Perspectives for a Truer Understanding. Various theories and methods exist in the field of criminology, each purporting to be the one, sole tool to be used to uncover the inner workings of the accused and guilty. I suggest that no single perspective for explaining any forms of criminal behavior is sufficient or holds true explanatory power on its own regarding its subject. Assuming the subjective approach, I will draw on biological, psychological and psychiatric perspectives on my examination of the most infamous serial killer and rapist of the century, Jack Billet. Competing sociocultural, psychological and biological factors underline any explanation for a given form of criminal behavior patterns. Objective approaches to studying criminological phenomena use a predominantly sociocultural perspective. Subjective approaches rely on the subjects own experience and relationship toward his/her environment, including familial structures and other personal relationships." Almost the entire content of the two paragraphs that can be seen are highlighted.
VERONICA: There's no way. Someone is trying to screw with me.
TIMOTHY: You think it's me? You think I'm trying to get you out of Landry's class because I don't like you?
VERONICA: Wait. You don't like me?
Timothy laughs.
TIMOTHY: This will have to come to Landry's attention. Bummer... Veronica scoffs.
TIMOTHY: Since I know that you and he are now close. So, how 'bout I give you a choice?
VERONICA: A choice?
TIMOTHY: Either you can tell him, or I can.
LANDRY: [offscreen] Tell who what?
Veronica and Timothy are both startled as Landry appears at the open doorway. Opening credits.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.
Music: unidentified. A troubled Veronica walks across the food court, deep in her own thoughts when Piz calls out to her.
PIZ: Hey, Veronica.
She pauses. Piz gets up from his table, carrying an album.
PIZ: Can you believe this? Some lady threw her husband out of the house, right, and now she's having a garage sale of all of his stuff. He holds up the album, London Calling by the Clash.
PIZ: London Calling, vinyl, unscratched, ninety-nine cents. Awesome, right?
VERONICA: My would-be mentor/professor just gave me three days to prove I didn't plagiarise a major paper. The universe is currently aligned against me, so nothing's awesome.
PIZ: You know what you should do? You should come bowling.
VERONICA: [incredulous] Bowling?
Veronica suddenly realises what he's suggested.
VERONICA: You mean, like, just the two of us?
PIZ: Yeah. And Wallace, you know, the whole gang. I mean, Thursday nights are dollar night Fun Bowl.
VERONICA: Will bowling take my mind off of the fact that everyone's out to get me?
PIZ: It worked for Nixon.
Veronica chuckles in spite of herself.
PIZ: It will be fun.
Veronica nods. End music: unidentified.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, GYM - DAY.
Wallace, Mason and other members of the basketball team are sitting on the floor of the gym. Behind them, at the top of the pushed back stands, is a banner reading "Rough Ride Into the Night." A couple of the coaching staff stand over or walk past them.
MASON: Dude, I don't get this sad clown face. I thought he let you drop the class. WALLACE: I haven't decided if I'm gonna. MASON: What's to decide? Two weeks after Add/Drops, lets you drop a class that's kicking your ass. That's a gift. You can take it and smile. A whistle sounds.
COACH: Okay, okay. Five by five scrimmage. Let's go, move!
ONE OF THE PLAYERS: Let's do it.
The players jump up from the floor. The coach, carrying a basketball, walks towards Wallace and Mason.
COACH: Fennel. The coach throws the ball at Wallace who catches it.
COACH: You run first team today. Mason looks back at Wallace, who is well chuffed, then at the coach.
MASON: [complaining] Hey, coach!
COACH: You want to keep your starting job, Mason? Start showing me something.
The coach backs away and claps.
COACH: Let's go. A happy Wallace runs past the disgruntled Mason.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CRIMINOLOGY LECTURE ROOM - DAY.
The Criminology class is filling up. Veronica drops her bag on her seat at the end of one of the middle rows, then continues to walk down the stairs to the front of the class. Timothy is as the lectern.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Apparently, if you look hard enough, everyone looks like they're hiding dark secrets. So, if you're looking for something specific, you gotta try the direct approach. Veronica stands at the front, waiting for the students to settle a little.
VERONICA: Hi. Uh, some of you might know who I am. Veronica Mars. There's no reaction so Veronica hurries on. Her paper is still pinned to the blackboard.
VERONICA: Okay. So, I wrote that paper... She points back at the paper.
VERONICA: And now someone in this class has accused me of plagiarising it, which I absolutely did not. So, I was kind of wondering who it was. Again, there is no response.
VERONICA: So, is this silence, like, it wasn't any of you or, like, no one wants to face me? Veronica glances back at Timothy.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Or like no one actually did it and our weaselly T. A. is trying to- One of the students raises his hand.
JEFF: I did it. Jeff Ratner.
VERONICA: Ratner. Um, have we met before?
JEFF: We have, but you probably don't remember, so...whatever.
VERONICA: So, you reported me. Why did you-
JEFF: Why? Maybe 'cause I'm a common man kind of guy, and I like it when some teacher's pet who's destroying the curve for everyone, gets exposed as a cheat. Yeah, you cheated. I caught you. Deal with it.
The students love it and some clap in approval. Veronica and Jeff exchange defiant glares.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - DAY.
There's a knock on the door. Veronica opens it from outside and leans in.
VERONICA: Wallace! Wallace is lying on his bed, playing disconsolately with a model airplane.
WALLACE: Not here.
VERONICA: And you would be...
WALLACE: Evil Wallace. And I know Veronica doesn't hang with the evil and morally bankrupt.
Veronica steps into the room and closes the door.
VERONICA: Evil Wallace wouldn't have confessed and faced punishment. Nope, you're regular Wallace.
WALLACE: Well, regular Wallace has been given a chance to drop Mechanical Engineering scot-free, which will mean giving it up as my major. I mean, man.
Wallace sits up on the bed. Sympathetic, Veronica walks over and sits on the end of Wallace's bed. Wallace gestures at the plane.
WALLACE: This was the first thing I was ever into. Figuring out how stuff works. It's all I ever wanted to do.
VERONICA: You'll work it out. I know it. That's also very regular Wallace. Oh, by the way, who's the guy you bought the test from?
WALLACE: So this whole after-school special monologue here didn't make much of an impression on you.
Veronica grins at him. Wallace falls back onto the bed.
WALLACE: His name's Max. He's in Clark Hall. Why? Veronica just raises an eyebrow and keeps smiling.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLARK HALL - DAY.
Veronica makes her way down a corridor, stopping at Max's room. His whiteboard is still, as per instructions, comment-free. Veronica knocks on the door. Max opens it and can't believe his luck.
VERONICA: Hi, Max? I was hoping you could help me. MAX: Well, I'm hoping I can too. He grins goofily.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAX'S ROOM - DAY.
Max and Veronica sit side by side in front of Max's computer. The screen shows "Termpaper Maestro - the #1 deadline life line!" The header claims to "Beat the Deadline with Term Paper Maestro." Max has already run a search for "modern forensics" without success. The advice on the screen reads: "Maybe you misspelled your topic or we currently do not have that specific paper on file. You can request or suggest topics by clicking here. Try again?" A list of courses runs down the right-hand side: Accounting, Administration, Africa, Anatomy, Animal Rights, Anthropology, Argumentative (!), Art & Architecture, Asian Studies, Biographies, Biology, Black Matters, Book Reports, Business, Canadian Studies, [?Counter?] Culture, Chemistry,...Creative Writing. Max clicks on another window, bring up "University Savior," which is "All Free!" This site claims to be "The Leader in Original, Updated & Scholastic Writing!" On the bar at the top is written: "You've Been Saved : : : University Savior . com." Max talks with his mouth full of snacks that he keeps feeding himself from a bag next to him - Cheetos maybe?
MAX: Okay, so you wanna a new paper on Modern Forensics, but different enough so they won't guess who- Veronica is exasperated, as if she's had to explain a dozen times.
VERONICA: No. This paper, or one like it, is posted online. I need to find it.
MAX: Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but you already have that paper.
Veronica takes a deep breath and speaks slowly.
VERONICA: I told you. My paper got zapped by the plagiarism scanner. I need to find out why and from what. Max still doesn't get it, nor care to.
MAX: Okay, whatever. He punches a few more keys.
MAX: Uh...um... Having searched University Savior, Max brings up the first full page of Veronica's paper. Whoever's done it has replaced the "Mars 2" in the top right-hand corner with the number one.
MAX: Ah, here you go.
VERONICA: That's my paper.
MAX: See. That's why I never use these free sites. No security. Checkers'll catch you every time.
VERONICA: Posted last year? Somebody must have faked that. I wrote this paper by myself, last week.
MAX: This must be a real Kafkaesque experience for you.
Veronica glances at him impatiently.
VERONICA: Does it say who posted it? On screen, the title of the paper is shown and is the same as Veronica's. It also shows that it was purportedly posted on October 14, 2005. Max clicks to bring up the information on the poster: "Posted by: [email protected]."
MAX: Ah...Rory dot Finch at Hearst College dot org. That's not you is it? That might explain everything. Veronica throws Max yet another incredulous look.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, CLASSROOM - DAY.
The minute hand of a clock on the wall moves from 1:59 to 2:00. Underneath the clock is a blackboard on which is written "Sociology test today." A proctor turns from watching the clock to the class.
PROCTOR: And pencils down. Bring 'em up. Amongst the students, everyone except Logan has put down their pencils. Logan races to finish his sentence. The rest of the students leave their desks and drop their test papers on the desk in front of the proctor.
PROCTOR: Good day. Logan finishes and takes his test up to the front. He throws it on top of the other test papers. The proctor grabs it and hands it back to him.
PROCTOR: I'm sorry.
LOGAN: What about?
PROCTOR: I called time and you kept writing. I can't accept your test.
LOGAN: Yeah, I was just finishing my-
PROCTOR: Time was called. I'm sorry.
LOGAN: So you keep saying, dude, but, come on.
PROCTOR: Mm-um.
LOGAN: [stroppy] Do you have any idea who I am?
PROCTOR: I don't and I don't care. Rules are rules for everyone.
The proctor turns his back on Logan to walk over to the side of the room to collect his jacket. Logan stuffs his papers in amongst the others, shuffling them so the proctor can't ascertain which is his test.
PROCTOR: No matter who they think- He turns and sees Logan shuffling the papers. Logan smirks and leaves with a wave disguised as him putting his pencil behind his ear.
MERCER: [offscreen] That is classic.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.
Logan and Mercer are sitting at one of the small tables. Logan talks with his mouth full.
LOGAN: Well, it was a proctor. Professor wasn't even there. Logan wipes his mouth as Mercer laughs. Music: unidentified.
MERCER: That is so awesome. Mercer spots Veronica coming towards them. He performs for her as she comes to a halt behind Logan.
MERCER: But...I do not condone it any way and had nothing to do with your decision to do it.
VERONICA: Do what?
MERCER: Cheating. I told him it was wrong and he was gonna burn in hell. You're gonna burn in hell, man.
Logan nods and smiles.
LOGAN: And I'll see you there. Mercer points amiably at him, then grabs his tray and leaves. Veronica throws her leg over the chair next to Logan and sits down.
VERONICA: You cheated? Logan puts his arm on the back of Veronica's chair and carries on eating.
LOGAN: I took ten extra seconds on a test. I thought you loved bad boys. Logan smirks.
VERONICA: I do, but if that's your idea of bad, you need to turn in your badge. Veronica rests her arm over Logan's and leans forward to grab his drink.
VERONICA: Hey, do you want to go bowling tomorrow night? LOGAN: Sure. Unless it's some critical analysis of bowling seminar, then I... VERONICA: No, it's just Wallace's new roommate and some other guys. Could be fun. Veronica shrugs as Logan gazes at her. Veronica looks out over the food court and pauses, a concerned look on her face.
LOGAN: What? Across the food court, Parker is sitting by herself, looking sad and lonely.
VERONICA: Just, Mac's had this project all week and Parker's all alone. I think we should invite her along.
LOGAN: Um, how very Emma of you.
VERONICA: Did you just make a Jane Austen reference? It's official, the end of days are upon us.
Veronica gets up and walks over to Parker's table.
VERONICA: Hey, Parker, what's up?
PARKER: Nothing.
Parker grasps her tray and rises, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
PARKER: I think I just ate something's beak. She starts walking. Veronica keeps pace.
VERONICA: Hey, do you want to come bowling with us tomorrow night?
PARKER: Bowling? [suspiciously] Why?
VERONICA: You know. Hatchet-burying, etcetera. Plus Nixon found it soothing. Look, if you don't want to go because you'd rather see me fed to bears, fine.
Parker grins in spite of herself. End music: unidentified.
EXT - ORIENT THEATRE - NIGHT.
The Film Noir Festival is on, showing Maltese Falcon and The Big Sleep. Keith and Harmony exit the theatre and walk along the street.
HARMONY: So, would you call that an accurate depiction of life as a private eye? KEITH: Pretty close. I personally have never been hired to locate a Maltese falcon per se, but there was the case of the Maltese dog. HARMONY: Oh, solid gold dog? KEITH: Real dog. This guy got some low-life to kidnap his ex-wife's show dog. Harmony laughs as they round the corner by the side of the theatre.
HARMONY: Not exactly how I imagined the criminal underworld.
KEITH: If they were all like Peter Lorre, my job would be a little more interesting, but-
Harmony spins around to face him, bringing them to a halt.
HARMONY: Thanks, Keith, for coming. These days, my husband and I are just logistics. Can't remember the last time I just hung out and talked.
KEITH: Sure. It's great talking to someone for whom Bogart isn't a verb.
Harmony laughs again.
KEITH: Well, goodnight. It's an awkward moment as Keith holds out his hand to shake Harmony's hand. They shake hands, but it's not enough. Keith then gives her a quick hug.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT.
Veronica checks a large key ring she is carrying as she heads for the door to the dean's office. She reaches the door and tries the key in the lock.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: The upside of landing Weevil the maintenance job? It doesn't work. She selects another.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: I get to baby-sit his keys while he's away at his cousin's wedding. It doesn't work either. Veronica huffs as she searches the key ring again.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, if I want to check the Hearst email files for Rory Finch, I can do it on my own time. That attempt also fails and Veronica is showing signs of frustration.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Of course, he didn't bother to label them, so... She leans back against the door to check through the keys again, only to find the door is open and gives way. She looks at it, looks around, and with a "Hmm" expression, goes into the office.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE - CONTINUING.
Veronica goes straight to a large filing cabinet and opens one of the drawers. She runs her finger down the tabs. She looks up, as if she's heard something, then closes the drawer. She moves to the next drawer and is about to open it when...
DEAN O'DELL: Veronica? The dean appears. Veronica twists away, hiding that she is pulling her earring off of her left ear.
VERONICA: Dean O'Dell. I'm so glad you're here. O'Dell stares at her. He's chewing something. He leans over to switch on the overhead light.
VERONICA: I...lost an earring, um, at the meeting and I wanted to find it before they vacuumed... Veronica bends down to check the floor.
VERONICA: But it was...well, it's a good thing you happened to show up.
DEAN O'DELL: Well, go ahead, search away.
Veronica breathes a sigh of relief. O'Dell turns his back on her, walking into the inner office. Veronica quickly opens the second drawer.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.
In his office, O'Dell switches on a television and continues to munch snacks from the bag he is carrying. There's a boxing match in progress on the TV and it's commentary continues on in the background through the scene. O'Dell calls out to Veronica.
DEAN O'DELL: Do you follow boxing?
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE - CONTINUING.
Veronica quietly pushes the drawer closed and grimaces, realising that she won't be able to search in peace. She calls back and starts towards the inner office.
VERONICA: I only follow sports that are done to music.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - CONTINUING.
On the television, two men are punching each other. Veronica comes up behind O'Dell.
VERONICA: Wouldn't this be more comfortable, say, at home?
DEAN O'DELL: Kind of my little secret. The wife's against it all: the scotch, the cigars, the televised violence. So, I kind of sneak it in whenever she has a charity function, a work function, whatever other function modern women seem to have all the time.
Something on screen excites him.
DEAN O'DELL: Oh, that's a haymaker! Veronica uses his distraction to walk backwards out of the inner office and into the outer office again. The dean settles himself on the small couch in his office, his eyes fixed on the TV, never looking behind him through the glass partition at what Veronica is doing.
DEAN O'DELL: So, if you run into her, you didn't see me. Some things she just doesn't need to know. He takes a cigar from the table next to the couch.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE - CONTINUING.
Veronica has the filing drawer open and is taking the top off a pen. She calls out her response.
VERONICA: Absolutely. Veronica returns her attention to the files and makes a note.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MECHANICAL ENGINEERING LECTURE ROOM - DAY.
The class has just started and students are still sitting down. Winkler and his T.A. are passing out papers.
WINKLER: Now, I expect these formulas to be memorised as soon as possible. Winkler pauses as he sees Wallace walk into the room.
WINKLER: Mr. Fennel. I was under the impression you dropped the class. WALLACE: I said I'd think about it. WINKLER: You sure this is a smart choice? WALLACE: Probably not. But you've seen my standardised test scores. I'm not a particularly smart guy, right? I'm taking the zero. There are four more tests. If I average Cs or above on all of them, I'll pass. Even I can do that, man. WINKLER: Okay, here you go. Winkler smiles and hands him the formulas he's distributing. Wallace takes his seat.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - DAY.
Veronica collects her things from the library counter. Wallace is working at the table near it, listening to music through his iPod earplugs. Veronica swoops down on him.
VERONICA: [whispering] You're going to ruin your eyes with all that book-learning. Veronica slides into the seat next to Wallace. Wallace responds, speaking loudly over the music playing in his ears.
WALLACE: I stayed in Winkler's class. I took the zero. Veronica cringes and points to her ears. Wallace realises and takes out the earphones.
WALLACE: I need to study.
VERONICA: I suspected that might happen.
WALLACE: So, you figure out what was up with that plagiarism thing?
VERONICA: As a matter of fact, a paper just like mine was posted online by Rory Finch at Hearst College dot org. A Hearst email, but there's never been a student by that name. The address was set up three days ago from an IP address at - get this - the Neptune Grand.
WALLACE: After you turned in your paper.
Veronica nods.
VERONICA: Um-hm.
WALLACE: So, you're off the hook. It's over.
VERONICA: Ah, my innocent and naïve Wallace. When I find out who did this, and I make them sing like the proverbial fat lady, that's when it's over.
Wallace gives her a regretful look at her thirst for revenge but doesn't challenge her, instead returning his attention to his books. Veronica leans in to give him a pep talk.
VERONICA: Okay. You're Rocky. Mechanical Engineering is Mr. T. "Eye of the Tiger" is playing. I'll see you later on. Veronica twists out of the chair and races off.
WALLACE: Yeah. It takes a moment to sink in, whereupon Wallace throws down his pen and stares after her.
WALLACE: What? Veronica is already disappearing out of the door.
WALLACE: When?
LIBRARY USER: [offscreen] Shhh.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - DAY.
Piz, in a bowling shirt, holds up his arms.
PIZ: Boom! He points to his shirt for the benefit of Wallace, who has just come into the room.
PIZ: I'm set. Are you ready for a night of bowling? Huh? Fun, fun, fun. Wallace, having dumped his bags on his bed, sits down with his books at his desk. On the wall above his desk, Wallace has a small white board on which he's written the weekdays with things to do on each, including: "Mon - learn to read," "Tues - learn to spell my...," "Wed - stop counting on my toes," and "Fri - meet w. Jonathan."
WALLACE: Ugh. Pretty sure I won't be ever having fun again. Ah, damn, that's tonight. I'm sorry, man, but it's impossible.
PIZ: No, dude, you have to go. I invited Veronica. I said there's a whole gang going, including you. So, if you're not there-
WALLACE: It's gonna look like you asked her out. Yeah, that sounds awkward. But it's not my problem.
Wallace points to his books.
WALLACE: This is. Piz narrows his eyes and shakes his head at his roommate. He is not happy.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Keith has the phone in one hand and the leaflet for the Film Noir Festival in the other as Veronica enters the apartment.
VERONICA: Hey, Dad.
KEITH: Hey, honey.
Keith keeps a wary eye on Veronica, who immediately heads for her room, before talking on the phone.
KEITH: So, uh, tomorrow's Out of the Past.
INT - CHASE RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.
Harmony is lying on the couch at home.
KEITH: [offscreen] It's one of my all-time favourites. She runs her hand through her hair.
HARMONY: I've got a conference at the Neptune Grand. I don't think I'm gonna be free, but I'd like to do something else.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - CONTINUING.
Veronica comes out of her room carrying a bowling shirt and a t-shirt on hangers. She gestures to Keith that she needs his attention.
KEITH: Okay, keep me posted. Buh-bye. Keith finishes the call.
VERONICA: So, for bowling. Veronica holds the pale blue with white trim bowling shirt against her body.
VERONICA: Earnest "I'm really bowling" or... Veronica swaps it for the t-shirt which appears to advertise a Waffle House, ending with "It's Moose-tastic."
VERONICA: "I'm too cool for bowling and I'm only here ironically."
KEITH: When did crappy old shirts with stupid stuff on them become cool?
Veronica casts a critical eye on the t-shirt before putting both shirts down on the counter.
VERONICA: I don't know why I ask you these things.
KEITH: I don't either, frankly.
Veronica picks up the Film Noir Festival pamphlet.
VERONICA: Were you just making a date? Look at you, Mr. Noir Secrets.
KEITH: No, I was just seeing if Harmony wanted to see-
VERONICA: Harmony? Harmony with the husband-who-isn't-cheating Harmony?
KEITH: [a little defiant] Yeah. So?
VERONICA: So, you're going on a date with a married woman.
Keith scoffs.
KEITH: It's not a date. Saw a movie, had a drink, and talked.
VERONICA: Which is a date.
KEITH: That's all we did. We're mature adults who happen to be friends.
Veronica isn't buying it and gives him an "I know better" look. She grabs the shirts and returns to her bedroom. Keith calls after her.
KEITH: And I like the dumb shirt. Keith stares after her, uncomfortable.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT.
Veronica, in her ironic bowling garb, breezes into Logan's bedroom. (He's taken over Duncan's old room.)
VERONICA: Hi, honey, I'm home. Logan is sitting on the ottoman at the end of the bed trying his shoe laces.
LOGAN: Hey, moosetastic, hm?
VERONICA: Um.
Veronica sits close next to him.
LOGAN: What's that- She plants a kiss on his lips.
LOGAN: Ummm.
VERONICA: I'm so tired of explaining. Hey, you've lived here a while. Do you have any inside connections?
LOGAN: Inside connections like wha...?
VERONICA: Like someone on staff you're pals with who might sneak you info they maybe aren't supposed to?
LOGAN: Hmm.
Logan thinks for a moment, then looks at her.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, FOYER - NIGHT.
Tina, an attractive girl with long, blonde hair, is working at reception. Veronica and Logan are waiting further along the counter. Tina smiles as she hands a key card to a guest.
TINA: There you go.
GUEST: Thank you.
Veronica leans into Logan and whispers.
VERONICA: Your pal? Logan opens his mouth and nods.
VERONICA: Of course. Tina arrives in front of them.
LOGAN: Hi, Tina, uh, this is Veronica. Veronica...
TINA: Hi. What's going on, Logan.
LOGAN: Just that I've got a little favour.
Tina leans forward and whispers.
TINA: Anything.
LOGAN: Mm. I'm trying to find out if, ah, a person, you know, was registered here. Someone named...
VERONICA: Rory Finch.
TINA: This isn't illegal, is it? No, I'm just kidding. Hold on.
Veronica glances up at Logan who lifts his eyebrows and continues to smile.
TINA: Yeah. Rory Finch. He stayed with us for a night a week ago and a few other times over the last couple of months. Always one night stays.
VERONICA: Is there an address? Credit card number?
TINA: Mm, post office box and paid in cash. All I've got's a name.
VERONICA: If I left my cell number, could you call me if they check back in?
Tina beams.
TINA: Sure. Any friend of Logan's.
VERONICA: Girlfriend of Logan's.
Veronica possessively takes Logan's arm.
VERONICA: Come on, boyfriend, let's bowl. Logan, a little embarrassed, gestures and mouths at Tina as he is led away.
LOGAN: Thank you.
INT - FUN BOWL - NIGHT.
Veronica strides along the aisle. Logan is a long way behind her. Piz, perched on the railing between the aisle and the lanes, slides off to greet her.
PIZ: Hey, Veronica. He points at her t-shirt.
PIZ: Cool shirt. He clutches his bowling shirt.
PIZ: I-I went for the, uh, post-ironic route.
VERONICA: Hey, Piz, where's...
Piz looks up and sees Logan for the first time.
PIZ: Oh. Hey, uh...
LOGAN: Logan, her boyfriend. We met.
PIZ: Right.
VERONICA: So, where's Wallace and the rest of this gang?
PIZ: Right, uh, the gang, uh, well, Wallace had a crisis, so he can't make it, and, um...
Piz shakes his head.
VERONICA: So, it's just... Veronica looks back at Logan who smirks and is about to quip when they are joined by Parker.
PARKER: Veronica! Hi.
VERONICA: Hey, Parker. How's it going?
PARKER: Hey.
VERONICA: Uh, you met Logan, right?
PARKER: Yeah, hi, sure.
VERONICA: And you remember Piz.
Piz holds out his hand and he and Parker shake.
PARKER: Yeah, hi. So, um, where is everyone? There's an awkward silence until Piz laughs and thinks of something to say. He clicks his fingers.
PIZ: Hey, shoes, we need shoes.
LOGAN: Yeah, let's get shoes.
Logan looks down at Veronica.
LOGAN: Uh, darling, what size are those dainty feet that I love so much?
VERONICA: Six.
Logan walks forward and pats Piz on the back as he leads him away.
LOGAN: So, bowling, huh? Is this [??] something you do a lot? You and the gang? Parker is looking seriously disgruntled.
VERONICA: So, shoe size?
PARKER: A whole gang?
VERONICA: Well, Parker, some people couldn't make it, but it's-
PARKER: I can't believe you invite me out for the first time since I was...raped on some cheesy, double date set-up with that Piz guy.
She looks over her shoulder at Piz and Logan, now at the shoe counter.
VERONICA: It's not a set-up, I swear. Parker stares at her suspiciously.
PARKER: Size seven, but this is not fun.
Cut to later in the evening. Music: unidentified. A bowling ball heads for the centre pin in alley fourteen. It's a strike. The camera switches to the other end of the alleys, revealing the sign over them: "Wednesday - The Big Lebowlski." Parker was the bowler. She throws her arms up in the air.
PARKER: Ya-hoo! She spins around, triumphant.
PARKER: That's two-thirds of a turkey, bitches! She marches back to the seating area where she slaps the hand of her partner, Logan, so hard that he shakes his hand. Piz rises somewhat disconsolately and walks forward for his turn.
PARKER: Ah, you're in a deep hole, Piznarski. We're going to totally humiliate you, but, you know, no pressure.
LOGAN: Refreshments?
PIZ: Ten martinis.
LOGAN: Anyone else?
He addresses Veronica with a grin.
LOGAN: Dearest darling? Veronica, the other half of the losing team, just stares at him balefully. Logan heads off and Veronica takes a seat. Parker sits behind her. Veronica shouts at Piz, now holding his ball and preparing to bowl.
VERONICA: Come on, Piznarski. We're dying. Veronica speaks more quietly to Parker.
VERONICA: Correct me if I'm wrong but...this is fun.
PARKER: Veronica. I'm sorry I was so grumpy before. You're right. It feels good to just...be out in the world.
Piz has bowled his ball. He gets a split, leaving the two outmost pin standing.
PARKER: Oh no! Seven-ten? That's the worst pair in bowling. Piz walks back, seriously put out.
PARKER: Whatever shall you do? Veronica tries to encourage him.
VERONICA: Come on, Piz. We need that spare. Parker continues to be, from Piz's point of view, obnoxious.
PARKER: Don't blow it, Piz. Piz takes the ball again, glaring at her. He approaches the alley again.
PARKER: So, what's the story with him?
VERONICA: Him? Nothing. I've got a boyfriend.
PARKER: No. No, no, no, no. I mean, is he free?
VERONICA: Free as in...?
PARKER: As in he's cute, don't you think?
Piz bowls. His ball goes in the gutter.
PIZ: Damn it straight to hell.
PARKER: Find out what he thinks of me.
VERONICA: What?
Parker stands without answering as Logan returns. Veronica is not happy with having been asked to play go-between. End music: unidentified.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - NIGHT.
Veronica collapses onto the couch as Logan changes his shirt in his bedroom behind her.
VERONICA: No more fun. Too exhausting.
LOGAN: Yeah. Next time we'll get in some weight training before we bowl.
VERONICA: Just the soap opera. Parker wants me to find out if Piz likes her. What do I do? Pass a note? Scribble it on his Trapper Keeper?
Veronica notices something in front of her. She leans forward to look more closely.
VERONICA: Hey, did you get an A?
LOGAN: Yeah, but the cheating kind of cheapens the whole thing.
VERONICA: You're only cheating yourself.
Veronica throws Logan's paper back on the ottoman that serves as the sofa's coffee table.
LOGAN: Yeah, well I got off easy. Logan leaps over the back of the couch to land next to Veronica.
LOGAN: You know that kid Horshack? From the, uh, that prison experiment? He got caught doing two tests. They busted him. And guess who else? That, uh, that psycho guard that was tormenting him so bad, Rafe? Yeah, he, uh, he was taking his test for him. You believe that? Veronica shakes her head.
LOGAN: People are crazy, huh? There's a knock at the door.
LOGAN: Oh, thank God. Real food. Logan gets up to get the door as Veronica relaxes with her arms behind her head. She hears the door open.
WAITER: [offscreen] Good evening, Mr. Echolls.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: That voice!
LOGAN: Yeah, hi.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: I recognise that voice.
LOGAN: Here's five, thanks.
WAITER: [offscreen] Have a good evening, thank you.
Veronica leaps up and races to the door. She gets there and sees the waiter. It's Jeff Ratner.
VERONICA: Wait! Excuse me? Jeff Ratner. What a surprise. Logan pulls the trolley into the room as Veronica stares at Jeff, her arms folded.
LOGAN: Ah, you guys know each other? Jeff just stares at Veronica defiantly.
VERONICA: You want to tell him, Ratner?
JEFF: What's to tell?
VERONICA: This is the guy who's trying to get me tossed out of Landry's class.
JEFF: You should be. You cheated.
VERONICA: Now it turns out you work at the Neptune Grand which happens to be where the fake paper was posted from. Strange, huh, Rory Finch.
JEFF: What are you talking about? I don't happen to work here. I've worked here two years. You've seen me a hundred times but you don't notice the little people, 'cause you're too busy lounging with...
Jeff points at Logan.
JEFF: Captain Moneybags, here.
LOGAN: That's Admiral Moneybags.
JEFF: I trust the steak's to your liking.
LOGAN: Always.
JEFF: Goodnight, then.
Jeff spins on his heel and walks away. Veronica stares hard after him.
LOGAN: Well, that's my girl, spreading sunshine wherever she goes.
VERONICA: That boy doesn't know it yet but he's the living dead.
Logan kisses the top of her head.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, WALLACE AND PIZ'S DORM ROOM - DAY.
The alarm next to Wallace's bed is sounding. It's 9:06. Wallace is fast asleep on top of the covers, a textbook open across his body. Piz returns to the room from the bathroom. He shouts from the door.
PIZ: Dude! There is no reaction. He steps over to Wallace's bed.
PIZ: Dude. Hey... He stumbles against the table in front of the small couch and picks up a tennis racket from the table.
PIZ: Hey look, man, it's school policy that if you're dead, I get to keep your stuff, so, if you are dead, just-just don't say anything. There is still no response. Piz pokes Wallace's leg with the racket. Wallace finally stirs.
PIZ: Well, that's disappointing. Wallace rolls over and sees the clock.
WALLACE: Oh, crap. He leaps up to a sitting position and starts collecting his stuff.
PIZ: Yeah, I could have just left you there and taken your iPod and so.... Wallace doesn't even hear him and races out of the room, stumbling over the beanbag as he goes.
PIZ: You're welcome. Piz stares after the departing Wallace for a moment, and then leans over the bed, trying to stop the alarm with the racket.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, GYM - DAY.
Basketball practice is well underway. There are shouts across the court of basketball talk. The ball is thrown to Mason who bounces it away, revealing the door to the gym which Wallace runs through.
WALLACE: Coach! The coach pointedly looks at the watch on his wrist.
WALLACE: Sorry, I missed my alarm.
COACH: Come here.
Mason has chased the ball to the bench behind the coach and stops to comment.
MASON: If it ain't Sleeping Beauty. COACH: Play the game, Mason. Mason returns to the game.
COACH: You have a chance to start this year, as a freshman. Don't blow it by staying up all night, partying. You need to buckle down, Fennel. And go suit up.
WALLACE: Okay.
Wallace backs away, rubbing his face, then turns and runs to the locker room.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - DAY.
Music: "Prince of Wands" by Douglas Armour.
LYRICS: Want to hear your name on the radio Oh, Lisa, hi... Here you come and then there you go Oh, Lisa, I... It's always sunny where you lie Don't ask why Things don't work out the way you plan It's always funny when you cry
Veronica walks into the outer room of the radio station, where all the albums are kept.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Eight years ago, I was sent to ask Brad Stark if he liked Suzy Doyle. Piz is on the phone. Veronica waves at him and Piz, a big smile on his face, waves back. He gestures for her to give him a minute.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: The two of them never spoke again. Veronica sighs heavily, uncomfortable with her commission.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: In the intervening years, I haven't gotten any better at this.
PIZ: No, okay. We-we'll talk later, all right? Bye.
Piz finishes his call and puts the phone down.
PIZ: Hey, Veronica.
VERONICA: Hey, Piz. Hey, thanks for bowling the other night. That was fun.
Piz walks over to the room's couch and takes a seat.
PIZ: Good, yeah, great, um, did Logan have a good time?
VERONICA: He did, as well. We both did.
Piz shuffles on the couch and gives a little laugh.
PIZ: So, everyone had a good time then. I declare bowling a success.
VERONICA: And Parker had a good time too.
PIZ: Oh, yeah, good. She seems nice.
VERONICA: You think so? The reason I ask is because...
Veronica flails and puts her hand to her head.
VERONICA: I'm sorry, I'm having a traumatic stress flashback to the sixth grade. Piz looks up at her with a quizzical smile.
VERONICA: Parker thought you were cool. Piz nods, still not getting it.
VERONICA: And also cute. Finally, he does.
PIZ: Oh, huh. Ah, well... He falls into an embarrassed loss for words.
PIZ: Oh.
VERONICA: Oh, what?
PIZ: I mean, no, she's really nice, it's j-...but she's not really my type.
VERONICA: Oh. You have a type.
PIZ: Yeah, kinda. And it's not her.
He glances up at Veronica through his fringe. She smiles a little sadly and nods. End music: "Prince of Wands" by Douglas Armour.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MECHANICAL ENGINEERING LECTURE ROOM - DAY.
Professor Winkler is handing back work to the students.
WINKLER: Okay, so remember, this was just a practice quiz, but all this material will be in your next exam. He reaches Wallace.
WINKLER: [without sarcasm] Mr. Fennel. Sixty-seven, D+. That's a real improvement. Wallace takes and looks at his paper. He throws it down on the desk in frustration and sighs.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LIBRARY - DAY.
A chirpy Parker enters to see Veronica, working at the help counter.
PARKER: Hey, Veronica. Guess what I just found out? Piz has a radio show.
VERONICA: I know.
PARKER: Tonight. You know the station's right in the student union. Let's drop by.
VERONICA: It'll be late.
PARKER: Ah, late schmate. It'll be fun.
VERONICA: Everybody's always saying that.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - NIGHT.
Piz is broadcasting.
PIZ: Join us next time when we ask: why does everyone hate America? Veronica appears at the window that looks out onto the Food Court.
PIZ: Is the rest of the world crazy or just stupid? Piz looks up and they smile at each other.
PIZ: Well, that's it for the Piz. Stick around for Club Flush. Piz ends with a gesture to the production booth. Music: unidentified. Piz removes his earphones just as Parker arrives to stand next to Veronica. She waves cheerily at him. Piz, not so excited to she her, gives her a less genuine smile and half-hearted wave. Cut to a few minutes later as Parker walks into the inner broadcast booth.
PARKER: This is so cool. Piz is still sitting in the DJ's spot, finishing off.
PARKER: Why didn't you say you had a radio show?
VERONICA: You know, I-I meant to mention it, but I guess it just slipped my mind.
Piz, now standing, throws a glare at Veronica, who is leaning against the door behind Parker.
VERONICA: We were just in the neighbourhood.
PARKER: I always wanted to know how it all works. Maybe you could show me what all this stuff is sometime.
PIZ: Yeah, the guy who does the club and house show is supposed to start now.
Parker is thwarted, but not defeated.
PARKER: Well, what's everyone doing after? I could totally use pizza. A voice calls out from the outer room.
MERCER: [offscreen] You can have this. Veronica and Parker move to the outer room. Mercer is standing there with a slice of pizza in one hand and some records in the other. Piz follows them out.
MERCER: I only licked it a little. Hey, Veronica.
VERONICA: Hey, Mercer. You're the club and house show?
MERCER: The down and dirty clubbin'-est.
Mercer steps forward, throwing his pizza slice on top of the albums, and proffers his hand to Parker.
MERCER: Hi, I'm Mercer.
PARKER: Hi.
As Parker shakes his hand, her smile falls away, replaced by a look of something very different.
PIZ: Well, I haven't eaten dinner, so I could grab a slice. Parker drops Mercer's hand.
PARKER: A-actually, uh, w-we gotta go. She points to Veronica, who is surprised by the sudden change of tactic.
PARKER: Um, w-we'll see you later, Piz. Parker grabs Veronica's arm and hurries her out of the room in something of a panic. Mercer, seemingly oblivious to Parker's sudden chill, calls after them.
MERCER: Uh, nice meeting you, Parker.
Piz is confused. End music: unidentified.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, HALLWAY OUTSIDE RADIO STATION - CONTINUING.
Parker is clutching Veronica's arm as she leads her out of the room. Veronica is concerned and puts her hand over Parker's.
VERONICA: Parker, are you okay? PARKER: Oh, that guy, Mercer. I, just...his cologne. I smelled it before. Veronica turns to look at her, bringing them to a stop. Parker looks sick and is breathing fitfully.
VERONICA: Yeah?
PARKER: It's like burned into my brain...from the night I was raped.
Veronica looks over Parker's shoulder and watches Mercer go to the large bookcase housing the station's vinyl collection.
PARKER: I mean, I-I can't be sure but...oh, I just-I just got the worst-
VERONICA: Vibe? Yeah.
Veronica takes her arm and leads her further down the hallway, away from the radio station.
VERONICA: He'll be in there for the next two hours. I'll look into it.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MERCER'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT.
Veronica lets herself into Mercer's room with the big bunch of keys.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Because I've still got twenty-four hours with Weevil's keys. She shuts the door and puts the keys back in her bag. She picks up a sweater from the floor and places her hands inside it so that she can search without leaving any prints. She starts with a small table by the door, opening the drawer and rifling through the clothes folded inside. She moves to the closet and searches there. She doesn't find anything of interest. She then walks over to a large chest of drawers. On top, there are various bottles and grooming products. She picks up a bottle of cologne. She replaces it and writes the name of it down on a small pad she is carrying, having divested herself of the sweater to do so. She grabs the sweater, which she had hung over her bag, replaces her hands into it and checks the drawers. She pauses at the second drawer down. She lifts a piece of clothing to reveal hair clippers and what looks like a plastic bottle of pills (or shoe polish.) Veronica finds this significant.
INT - SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT - DAY.
Lamb is heading to his office, muttering to himself.
LAMB: You wanna know why? 'Cause I'll stick my foot so far up your- He stops short at the door on seeing Veronica sitting at his desk. He shouts.
LAMB: Hey! He spins round to address the office in general.
LAMB: Can someone let me know when some girl is in my office? He turns back and walks into his office.
LAMB: What are you doing here?
VERONICA: I'm here about the rapes at Hearst.
LAMB: Already aware of them. Thanks for coming by. I'm real busy.
Now behind his desk, Lamb does a bow-come-gesture to usher her out of his sight. Veronica ignores it as he drops down into his seat.
VERONICA: This is sketchy, but-
LAMB: If it's Bigfoot, we checked. He's got an alibi.
VERONICA: Oh, rape humour. It never gets old. I know one of the victims. Yesterday, she thought she recognised the guy who raped her, by his cologne.
Lamb scoffs and throws his pen across the desk.
VERONICA: And that I just happened to be in his room and I saw some clippers.
LAMB: Does this man have a name?
VERONICA: Mercer Hayes.
Lamb is suddenly interested and leans forward towards her.
LAMB: The kid who ran the card room who got robbed.
VERONICA: That's him. What?
LAMB: We finally found the stolen cashbox and...along with all the money, we found something interesting.
Lamb goes on, more thinking aloud than sharing.
LAMB: Two vials of GHB, the same date rape drug the rapist used on two of his victims.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, GYM - DAY.
The coach is working on plays on a blackboard set up on an easel in the gym. He hears someone approaching and looks up.
COACH: Hey. Wallace walks towards him slowly. The coach continues to writes on the board.
COACH: How's my diaper dandy? Here to get some extra work in?
WALLACE: Actually, coach...
The coach pauses his work and looks over at Wallace.
WALLACE: I got this class that's killing me and I could drop it, change majors, but it's what I want to do for a living. Uh, I think I need to take the semester off. I'd be back by mid-season. I know you don't have to keep me on scholarship.
COACH: Keep the scholarship, Wallace, but you do realise you're throwing away your chance to start. You probably won't smell the court this year. Are you prepared for that?
Wallace's brow furrows at what it is costing him, but nods firmly.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, FOYER - NIGHT.
Veronica walks towards the reception desk.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: I assumed after I called Ratner on this Rory Finch thing, it was over, until my new friend, Tina Callas, told me he just made a reservation. Tina sees her coming and gives her a quick smile before taking on a professional demeanour.
VERONICA: You rang? Tina hands her a card.
TINA: There you are, Miss. Veronica takes the Neptune Grand business card and turns it over. On the back is written: "Rory Finch room 906." Veronica smiles and walks away from the desk, putting the card in her bag. As she walks across the hotel foyer, Veronica spots something that surprises her. It's Keith, standing at the bar. He turns around and does a double-take on seeing her. They exchange a long glance before Veronica joins him at the bar.
VERONICA: What are you doing here?
KEITH: Just grabbing a drink. Are you, um...
Keith points upstairs, indicating Logan, but before he can verbalise the question, the bartender sets two martinis down in front of him.
BARTENDER: Two martinis, sir. Veronica raises an eyebrow and catches the worried glance Keith throws over her shoulder. She looks around and sees Harmony waiting at one of the bar's tables. She looks back at Keith.
VERONICA: What are you doing?
KEITH: Honey, I told you. It's completely innocent. We're just friends.
VERONICA: You think the other person's great and you have a great time doing stuff together friends?
KEITH: And there's nothing wrong with it.
Veronica looks back at Harmony.
VERONICA: Unless your friend is a very attractive, unhappily married woman.
KEITH: Veronica. I know a little more about this than you. Don't worry.
VERONICA: I worry.
Veronica backs away from him. Keith watches her go, looking guilty.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, ONE OF THE ROOM FLOORS - NIGHT.
Veronica walks purposively up the hallway.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay, number 906, behind which lies the answer to everything. Veronica reaches room 906 and knocks firmly. She shows shock at seeing who it is.
MINDY: Veronica Mars? Mindy is dressed in a hotel bathrobe.
VERONICA: Mrs. O'Dell? Veronica is stunned and at a temporary loss for words.
VERONICA: I-I was looking into a term paper thing and I...I'm sorry. Uh, wrong room. Veronica backs away, looking perplexed. Mindy shuts the door. Veronica heads back to the lift slowly, her brow furrowed.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: So now I'm actually confused. What is the dean's wife have to do with the mysterious Rory Finch? In front of her, there's the sound of the ping of the lift and the doors open. She looks up to see Professor Landry, casually dressed and carrying a bottle of champagne. He stops short on seeing her.
LANDRY: Oh. Veronica. He starts forward again and they pause as they pass in the hallway.
VERONICA: Professor. Hi. I...got off on the wrong floor.
LANDRY: Ah. Well, nice seeing you.
VERONICA: See you in class.
They both head on their way. Veronica gets into the newly arrived lift and watches him for moment as he heads for the corner around which is only room 906. Veronica calls out.
VERONICA: Rory Finch? Landry stops and stares at her as the doors of the lift close. Veronica sags, disappointed in her academic knight.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, FOYER - NIGHT.
While Veronica is having her adventure upstairs, Keith is having his own in the bar having returned to the table where Harmony waited with the martinis.
HARMONY: Perfect. Harmony holds out her glass to clink glasses but Keith has already begun to lift his to his lips.
HARMONY: Oh...
KEITH: Oh.
Keith grimaces at his faux pas and quickly clinks her glass with his. Harmony chuckles.
HARMONY: You know what they say about martinis.
KEITH: Um, something involving breasts.
Both sip. Harmony smiles.
KEITH: One's two few, etcetera. I'll have to settle for one if I'm going to make it home. Keith takes another sip.
HARMONY: We don't have to worry. I mean, if we don't want to.
KEITH: What do you mean?
HARMONY: I mean...
Harmony stares at him intently, willing him to understand. He doesn't, and she puts down her glass with something like a sigh.
HARMONY: Well, honestly, um, I need to tell you something. I wouldn't, but all alone at the house I've got a lot of time on my hands to think, and one of the things that I think is knowing that I don't want to be lying on my death bed some day just counting regrets.
KEITH: I'm still not sure what you mean.
Keith is still being obtuse and takes another sip of his martini.
HARMONY: [slowly, staccato] I mean, I got a room, here, if-if we think we might have use for... Harmony is horrified by the idea that she's gone too far.
HARMONY: Oh, no.
KEITH: Harmony, I don't know if that's such a good idea, right now.
HARMONY: Oh, no, Keith, I'm sorry, I've ruined-
KEITH: No. You didn't ruin anything because I really, really, really want to say yes. You are an amazing woman and...I just can't.
Harmony smiles through the embarrassment and shakes her head.
KEITH: I don't want to be on my death bed counting regrets either, but I just can't figure out which I'd regret more, going up or not going up, so, I have to, uh... Keith struggles as Harmony watches him.
KEITH: I'm sorry.
HARMONY: Yeah, mm-hm.
Keith slinks away as Harmony remains where she is, swallowing hard. Music: "I'm Not In Love" by 10cc.
LYRICS: I'm not in love, so don't forget it It's just a silly phase I'm going through And just because I call you up Don't get me wrong; don't think you've got it made I'm not in love, no, no, it's because... I like to see you, but then again That doesn't mean you mean that much to me
EXT - NEPTUNE STREET - NIGHT.
Keith drives home, still pondering his decision. He pauses as a junction, waiting to turn left. A car barrels out of the road he wants to turn into and straight into Keith's car. There's a cacophony of sound as metal scrunches and grinds on metal. The pickup truck that caused the accident stops past the point of impact. Keith's car has been turned more than ninety degrees by the impact. The man in the truck gets out and looks back.
DRIVER: Oh, man! Keith is pressed against the back of his seat by the inflated airbag, covered in glass. The driver makes his way over to Keith.
DRIVER: I totally didn't see that sign. Keith punches back the airbag.
DRIVER: Are you okay? The driver leans in towards Keith.
DRIVER: Are you okay? Keith pushes himself out of the car.
KEITH: Yeah, yeah, I-I'm okay, I'm okay. The drives breathes a sigh of relief.
DRIVER: Man, I-I guess I...I'll get some help. The driver races away. Keith, still dazed, gingerly touches his head. He takes a step back and surveys the damage before falling aback against the car in relief at still being alive. He laughs as he looks into the car, where the radio is still playing. His face then becomes serious and he shakes his head. The music gets louder.
INT - NEPTUNE GRAND, HARMONY'S ROOM - NIGHT.
There's a knock on the door and Harmony rises on tiptoes to peer through the peephole. She drops down and opens the door. There's no mussing and no fussing as Keith puts his hands on her face and kisses her hard. They grab each other hungrily. Keith slams the door shut with his foot before starting to slide Harmony's dress from her shoulder. He lifts her and they spin to another part of the room, never breaking their frantic kiss. End music: "I'm Not In Love" by 10cc.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - DAY.
Veronica, still in her dressing gown, is stirring scrambled eggs in a pan on the stove. She calls out to Keith.
VERONICA: Dad? This nutritious breakfast isn't going to eat itself. Come on, up and at 'em! Veronica gets no response. She turns off the heat and puts the pan back on the stove after a final stir.
VERONICA: Dad! Veronica goes to his bedroom.
VERONICA: Dad, come on. She knocks on the door and on getting no answer, she opens it. Keith's bed has not been slept in. Veronica looks both worried and disapproving.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOYLE'S OFFICE - DAY.
Timothy is working in his room. Veronica appears, knocking casually on the open door before sauntering in. She's carrying a sheet of paper.
TIMOTHY: Miss Mars. Do you need something?
VERONICA: Just to give you this.
She lays the piece of paper on his desk. He picks it up.
VERONICA: This proves that whoever posted the paper I supposedly copied online did so after I'd already turned mine in. I didn't cheat, this proves it, and that's the end of that.
TIMOTHY: Great.
Timothy discards the sheet of paper and leans back in his chair, looking up at her.
TIMOTHY: So you're off the hook. Did you prove who did it?
VERONICA: More...process of elimination, but I'm still not sure why, so I thought I'd ask. Why did you do it?
Timothy laughs. Veronica leans towards him, dropping her voice.
VERONICA: Why did you want me to follow that trail to Rory Finch. You could get in a lot of trouble, you know, if I decided-
TIMOTHY: Let me interrupt and preface this entire conversation with this. Uh, I didn't do it, and you can't prove that I did. Hypothetically, uh, I can see where one might think someone in my position would want to set up this sort of treasure hunt. I mean, after all, I was Professor Landry's protégé for three years before you showed up. A star pupil, right hand man. I got his dry cleaning, ordered Chinese when we worked late. I was like you: "What a professor! Smart, charming, such a great guy."
VERONICA: And then you find out he had affair with the dean's wife.
TIMOTHY: There were others before. The dean's wife, that's recent.
Timothy bends forward, resting his elbows on the desk, now dropping his voice.
TIMOTHY: A person in my position might have thought he was doing you a favour. Since the professor thinks so highly of you, it might be helpful to demonstrate who he really is before you go too far under his spell. Veronica straightens and Timothy leans back in his chair again.
VERONICA: Do me a favour, will you? Don't do me any more favours. Veronica turns around to leave the office. As she goes, she notices what's on a large board on the wall next to the door.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: What's this? The board is filled with a map of the campus and press clippings and notes about the rapes. There are various headlines, like "Second rape victim comes forward with details" and "Campus rapes continue to go unpunished," with the work "unpunished" highlighted. There are the pictures Parker and Nancy used to make the posters they carried in 304 "Charlie Don't Surf," and a similar one of Claire. On the map, various locations have been marked. A triangle has been made of the locations of rapes one, two and four with a central building, another of rape two and that same building and another. Four rapes are marked up. Rape #3, Nancy's, is shown as occurring in Bennis Hall (based on that being marked as Logan's location in 303 "Wichita Linebacker." On the locations he's marked, Timothy has written various comments, like "Forced entry?" and "Need key to access." Veronica studies the board.
VERONICA: You have the same kind of crazy press clipping board every movie serial killer keeps.
TIMOTHY: You know, there's been no DNA evidence so far. No semen, no hair. Makes you wonder.
Veronica peers more closely at the board, in the vicinity of Nancy's picture.
VERONICA: Huh.
TIMOTHY: [eagerly] You-you see something I don't?
Veronica smirks and shrugs, giving nothing away.
VERONICA: Maybe. Realising he's not going to get anything more, Timothy returns to his scam.
TIMOTHY: You really thought Ratner did it. Veronica whips her head around to stare at him as she realises something.
VERONICA: Oh, crap.
EXT - NEPTUNE GRAND - DAY.
Two managerial-looking hotel staff are opening a car, presumably owned by Jeff, who is standing between them, watching. The boot opens to reveal stacks of hotel goods - soaps, shampoos, towels, at least one bathrobe, at least one ice bucket.
JEFF: No, no. Jeff steps forward to look more closely inside.
JEFF: I did not put those in there. He doesn't appear to be believed as one of the managers shakes his head.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MECHANICAL ENGINEERING LECTURE ROOM - DAY.
Professor Winkler is lecturing. He underlines the words "Hooke's Law" on the board.
WINKLER: Hooke's Law and a prismatic rod. Length L and cross-sectional area A, we treat as a linear spring. So, extension is linearly proportional to tensile stress by a constant factor... Wallace has given up his seat in the back of the room in favour for one in the front row. He listens carefully and frantically takes notes.
WINKLER: The inverse of its modulus of elasticity. Winkler glances down at him with a hint of approval.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.
Veronica carries her lunch tray into the seating area.
DEAN O'DELL: Ah, Miss Mars. She's startled and turns to see the dean at one of the small tables, eating his lunch.
DEAN O'DELL: Join me, would you.
VERONICA: [hesitantly] Uh, sure, Dean.
She looks around briefly before laying her tray at his table and sitting down.
DEAN O'DELL: I just don't want more kids coming and giving me their ideas about how to run the school, my biggest problem as dean. He leans forward and confides in Veronica in a loud whisper.
DEAN O'DELL: I don't like college students. Most of them anyway.
VERONICA: So why do you eat here?
He holds up the hamburger he is eating.
DEAN O'DELL: This damn burger. I love it. If you see my wife, don't tell her. There's some things she's better off not knowing. Veronica is uncomfortable at this and swallows hard.
VERONICA: Dean, I... He turns his face to her so abruptly, alert to what she has to say, that Veronica's resolve fails her and she passes it off by gesturing that he has food on his chin.
VERONICA: Just some, uh...
DEAN O'DELL: Hmm.
The dean wipes his mouth with a napkin just as Logan arrives behind Veronica. He bends down, speaking urgently.
LOGAN: Hey, I need to talk to you. Logan looks up and notices who Veronica is sitting with, for what appears to be the first time as he is a little taken aback.
VERONICA: Sorry, I'll be right back. Veronica rises from the table and follows Logan a little away from it.
VERONICA: So, what's up?
LOGAN: [gravely] I need your help.
VERONICA: What's wrong?
LOGAN: It's Mercer. Lamb just arrested him for the rapes on campus. He didn't do it, okay? You have to help.
VERONICA: How do you know he didn't do it?
LOGAN: 'Cause I was with him the night of the rape this summer.
VERONICA: Where? Doing what?
LOGAN: I can't tell you, okay, but you have to trust me. He's innocent. Veronica stares at Logan. End. | Plan: A: her criminology research paper; Q: What is Veronica accused of plagiarizing? A: an affair; Q: What is Professor Landry having with Dean O'Dell's wife? A: Wallace; Q: Who is pardoned by the Dean for cheating on his exam? A: the basketball team; Q: What does Wallace resign from to focus on his studies? A: Piz; Q: Who invites Veronica to a night of bowling? A: unaware Piz; Q: Who thought the night of bowling was going to be a date? A: the evening; Q: What did Piz want to be more of a date? A: the Lilith House rape; Q: What crime was faked? A: the crime scenes; Q: Where was no hair or DNA from the rapist found? A: Mercer; Q: Who is arrested after Parker recognizes his cologne as the rapist's? A: clippers; Q: What does Veronica find in Mercer's room? Summary: Veronica is accused of plagiarizing her criminology research paper. Seeking to clear herself, she discovers that Professor Landry is having an affair with Dean O'Dell's wife. Wallace is pardoned by the Dean for cheating on his exam, but resigns from the basketball team to focus on his studies. Piz invites Veronica to a night of bowling and she decides to bring Logan and Parker, unaware Piz wanted the evening to be more of a date. Veronica learns that the Lilith House rape was faked, and no hair or DNA from the rapist had been found at the crime scenes. Mercer is arrested after Parker recognizes his cologne to be the rapist's, and Veronica finds clippers in his room. |
DUE TO ADULT CONTENT VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- NIGHT]
(Sirens blare in the distance.)
WHITE FLASH TO:
[INT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE -- NIGHT]
[LIVING ROOM]
(Scene opens on a close up of GRISSOM'S covered feet together as he stands on the side of the room. He cautiously takes a step to the side, hugging the wall as he looks around the silent living room.)
(He takes another cautious step, his flashlight noting the various items in the room - a red lantern floor lamp turned on at the base of the living room counter, the vase full of wilted red roses on the center of the coffee table, two empty and unused wine glasses, a bottle of wine and a wine opener is on the coffee table. On the back table are more candles.)
(GRISSOM takes several more cautious steps along the living room wall and faces the long stretch of hallway in front of him. He pauses and shines his flashlight all the way down the hallway carpet. He sees the brush tracks of a vacuum cleaner and on it, one set of normally spaced shoeprints leading away from him, toward the bedroom, and one set of wider spaced shoeprints leading toward him.)
[HALLWAY]
(Careful to hug the hallway wall, GRISSOM cautiously makes his way along the carpet careful not to disturb the shoeprints.)
(He moves along the hallway and shines his flashlight into the first open room door, the spare bedroom, where he sees something red with a tassel hanging from a stand next to a red sofa bed. On the bed is a red blanket, several red pillows, one red pillow with butterflies on it and a white pillow. He moves his flashlight to a wall metal framed shelf with various items with a similar butterfly motif - from a glass case with various butterflies in it to boxes and other small items.)
(GRISSOM continues down the hallway toward the master bedroom. He takes another cautious step along the wall toward the end of the hallway. On the hallway floor at the base of the door to the master bedroom is a stack of red candles. He looks at it and moves on.)
[MASTER BEDROOM]
(GRISSOM looks into the master bedroom. On the bed is a red pillow in the center of the bed; something small and red in the center of the bed. Our eyes catch the red bowl on the dresser at the back of the room and the red blouse hanging in the closet.)
(Hugging the wall, GRISSOM slowly makes his way toward the bathroom.)
[BATHROOM]
(GRISSOM slowly enters the bathroom. The lights are on. The room is large decorated in a white and black checkerboard pattern. He looks around and moves further into the bathroom knowing that the body is there in the shower area. He inches his way around the corner and through the clear shower glass, sees the body of the dark-haired young woman in a pool of blood on the black and white checkerboard floor, the blood as black as the floor itself.)
(She is kneeling face down, her knees tucked under her close to her chest, heels under her bottom and her arms positioned to her side and back, hands near her feet. She's wearing a powder pink spaghetti-strapped top and low-riding blue jeans prominently displaying her red satin and lace thong just under a butterfly tattoo on the small of her back.)
(Her head lies in a large dark-red nearly black pool of blood, forehead barely touching the floor, face turned toward the bathroom entrance with her hair pushed away from her face and clothes.)
(Something catches GRISSOM'S eye. He kneels slowly down to get a closer look at the body.)
(For a long moment, he stares at the woman - slender, young, dark-haired, pale skinned -- transfixed by her familiarity and haunting similarity to someone he knows.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT./EXT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT]
(GRISSOM opens the front door and walks outside where everyone is waiting for him. He steps out onto the front porch and stops, his eyes seeking out and latching onto ...
[GRISSOM'S POV]
(SARA - slender, young, dark-haired, pale skinned -- turns and looks directly at GRISSOM.)
[RESUME POV]
(His gaze doesn't falter.)
(BRASS turns and sees GRISSOM. He steps forward and around SARA toward GRISSOM.)
Brass: Ready for us?
(Everyone turns to look at GRISSOM waiting for his instructions.)
Grissom: For now, no one enters this house except CSI.
(BRASS nods.)
(And, as if he can't help it, GRISSOM'S eyes shift to look behind BRASS at ... )
HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT]
(GRISSOM hands out assignments.)
Grissom: Warrick, you got the car.
(WARRICK turns around to look at the cluster of cars behind him.)
Warrick: Which one?
Grissom: Both.
(BRASS turns to WARRICK.)
Brass: Uh, take the Honda. The VW belongs to the victim's friend, over there. (He points to the woman talking with the officer in the back.) She called it in.
Warrick: Aw, that's too bad. This will be a day she'll never forget.
Grissom: Sara, you take the perimeter.
Sara: What? You just did a one-hour walk-through. The perimeter cannot be a priority.
Grissom: I need you to work the outside. Catherine and I will be inside.
(Not thrilled, SARA levels GRISSOM a look, then turns to work the perimeter.)
Catherine: I'll go talk to the friend.
Grissom: Find out where she walked and what she might have touched in there.
(GRISSOM turns to go back to the house while CATHERINE joins BRASS.)
Catherine: Hey, Jim.
Brass: Yeah?
Catherine: Did you talk to that guy across the street?
(CATHERINE points to a young man busy talking enthusiastically to a small crowd of neighbors.)
Brass: The neighbor? He's on my list.
Catherine: Yeah, he looks like he has something to say.
(CATHERINE ducks under the tape and makes her way to the friend wearing scrubs, sitting on the gurney while being checked out by the medics.)
Catherine: Hi, I'm Catherine Willows. I'm with the crime lab. What is your name, Miss?
Kelly McNeil: Kelly McNeil. Deb and I are best friends. We were supposed to get together yesterday. It was our day off.
Catherine: You're a nurse?
Kelly McNeil: Yeah. Both of us. Desert Palm Hospital. We made lunch plans, but she canceled.
Catherine: She give a reason why?
Kelly McNeil: Michael.
Catherine: Michael?
Kelly McNeil: Michael Clark. Um, she's been seeing him for a month or so. He's a surgical intern. When she didn't show up for work today, I called the house ... her cell ... no answer, so I drove by after shift.
Catherine: And how did you get in?
Kelly McNeil: We have each other's keys.
Catherine: Did you touch anything inside?
Kelly McNeil: No. I walked in and ... I saw her and I ran out.
(Quick flashback to: [HALLWAY] The image of KELLY MCNEIL runs through the hallway away from the bedroom toward the exit. Camera moves down to the carpet to show the shoe prints left behind.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Kelly, this, uh, Michael -- is he just a guy, or is he somebody special?
Kelly McNeil: He was the first guy that Debbie ever blew me off for.
Catherine: And did you see him today, at the hospital?
Kelly McNeil: No. I figured they were both playing hooky.
(She looks at CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. SIDE OF THE HOUSE]
(SARA examines the side of the house. She reaches the back gate and sees something. She puts her kit down and runs a black gloved finger on the pavement to show a white powdery film coating the concrete. Thinking, she looks around the area.)
Jeff Pike: (V.O.) Moved in about two months ago.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. FRONT OF THE HOUSE]
(BRASS interviews the NEIGHBOR.)
Jeff Pike: ... Single girl. Alone in the house. Got my attention. I'm running for captain of the neighborhood watch. I'll probably have to self-appoint myself, but I'm going to put out a flyer, you know, about shutting doors, locking windows, I mean, the thing is ... you just don't think it's going to happen to you. You know what I'm saying? On your block ...
(BRASS puts up a hand to stop the campaign speech.)
Brass: Listen, Pike. Stop talking. I never seen somebody so excited about their neighbor being killed.
Jeff Pike: Let me tell you something: I know the business of everyone up and down this block, all right? Who's cheating on his wife, who's behind on his bills, whose kid's going to become the next Manson.
Brass: Let's talk about Debbie Marlin.
Jeff Pike: You know what they say about nurses.
Brass: What's that?
Jeff Pike: (hinting) That-that they like to party.
(BRASS doesn't say anything.)
Jeff Pike: Hey, look. You see a stethoscope around this chest? No. You want to know why? I'm not a doctor. So I couldn't even get close to her.
Brass: Well, who is getting close?
Jeff Pike: It's like a fricking doctor auto mall over there. You know, hunky surgeons, board certified, lots of dough. And if you want my opinion, I think they were dropping quarts.
Brass: Okay, did you notice any automobiles, any cars out front?
Jeff Pike: You know, as a matter of fact, sir, yes. Black Mercedes, E320. 2004 model, been there about a month. Rolls in all hours. I'm figuring on call, booty call. That kind of thing.
Brass: When's the last time you saw the Mercedes?
Jeff Pike: Two days ago. Around lunch. And, uh, I think he stayed for a little bit of dinner, too.
Brass: Thanks a lot.
(Finished, BRASS excuses himself and walks away. He takes out his phone and makes a call.)
Brass: (to phone) Yeah, this is Detective Jim Brass.
(WARRICK, in the meantime is taking photos of the paper grocery bags in the back of the car.)
Brass: (o.s.) See if you can find a 2004 Mercedes, black, registered to a Michael Clark, M.D. Thanks.
(SARA walks up to WARRICK.)
Sara: I have absolutely nothing. How are you doing?
Warrick: I got a lot. Check out the backseat.
(SARA looks at the grocery bags.)
Sara: Bananas. Stuffed mushrooms.
Warrick: Chocolate syrup, a six-pack of soda, a box of condoms.
Sara: No surprises there.
Warrick: Fresh bag of groceries in an unlocked car?
Sara: (thinking) Maybe she was interrupted.
(SARA turns to look at the house and stares directly at the camera.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - BATHROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(SARA'S face DISSOLVES IN to a close up of DEBBIE MARLIN and her lifeless eyes.)
(GRISSOM is kneeling down just outside the shower area to look at the body.)
(CATHERINE walks into the bathroom. She looks down at the body, taking it all in. She shakes her head.)
Catherine: (softly) One thing I can never get over with this job: Anything can happen to anybody.
Grissom: That's why we're here.
(GRISSOM continues to stare at the body. CATHERINE looks around the bathroom.
Catherine: I bet this bathroom was the reason she bought this place.
(GRISSOM notices something and looks around ... sniffs around.)
Grissom: What am I smelling?
Catherine: Cleanser. Bleach maybe.
(There's blood all over the walls and on the shower glass.)
Catherine: Arterial spray is neck high. Indicates she was standing when she was attacked.
(Quick flashback to: [BATHROOM] DEBBIE MARLIN stands in the shower. Her attacker grabs her from behind, hooking his arm around her shoulders, ripping the knife violently across her neck. Blood sprays on the shower glass.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: And the highest gush of blood has the most volume.
Grissom: Definite lack of lividity. She must have bled out.
(GRISSOM stands, still staring at the body.)
Catherine: The killer had to get something on him. Had to be a bloody mess, but there's no ... footprints, there's no handprints, no smears.
Grissom: She looks like she was placed in this position.
Catherine: What's the message?
(GRISSOM doesn't answer her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - KITCHEN - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(The refrigerator door opens. WARRICK and SARA kneel to look at the contents inside.)
Warrick: What do we got here? Pendale's milk. Non-fat. Half a gallon. Unopened.
(WARRICK takes a photo of the milk.)
Sara: Groceries that made it inside.
(SARA walks over to the grocery bag on the counter and looks through it taking out items from the bag.)
Sara: Fancy crackers ... brie. Coupons with no receipt.
Warrick: No receipt? This milk expires on the 23rd.
Sara: Eight days from now.
Warrick: Milk is delivered daily to the supermarket. That's a ten-day window. People usually reach back for a fresh one. Hmm ... subtract ten from the 23rd?
Sara: She was at Pendale's two days ago.
Warrick: Well, according to Brass, that was the last time her boyfriend's car was seen out front.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[BATHROOM]
(CATHERINE works at the sink while GRISSOM sits in the bathtub taking out swabs. He takes a swab of the drain. CATHERINE takes a swab of the drain. She tests it and sticks the red tipped swab in the test tube. GRISSOM tests his swab and places the white tipped swab in the next test tube. He adds liquid to the swab and it turns yellow. CATHERINE continues to test her swabs.)
(GRISSOM holds out the tube rack.)
Grissom: Positive for both.
(CATHERINE'S final swab turns purple.)
Catherine: Same here. So there's blood in all four drains, followed by bleach.
Grissom: He kills Debbie in the shower. Then he washes up in both sinks and in the tub? Why?
Catherine: The answer is in the drains.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[UNDER THE HOUSE]
(SARA crawls under the house. She reaches the bathroom pipe under the tub. She takes a wrench and loosens the pipe. Water drips out. She quickly gets a container to get the water as she removes the pipe. She pours the red-stained water into the container and looks at it. She then crawls under the pipe and looks up.)
(Camera zooms forward ... up through the pipe ... and up to the tub drain. Drops of luminol drip through. Camera pushes through the holes in the drain to ... )
[BATHROOM]
(GRISSOM kneels inside the tub spraying luminol around the drain. The lights are off and the area glows. CATHERINE sprays luminol on the bathroom tile around the tub. The tile glows with circular patterned swirls. Finished, CATHERINE looks at the results.)
Grissom: He cleaned everywhere but inside the shower.
Catherine: We're never going to know where the blood ends and the bleach begins.
Grissom: Where's all this blood coming from?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[INT. DESERT PALM HOSPITAL - NIGHT]
(BRASS interviews VINCENT LURIE about MICHAEL CLARK.)
Vincent Lurie: Dr. Clark is on my surgical rotation. He was scheduled to assist this morning. No show.
Brass: Oh. Was that like him?
Vincent Lurie: No. It's completely out of character. See, half these interns come in here so scared, they couldn't carve a turkey. I have to give them scalpels with training wheels. Clark was different. He, uh, he's a real artist, a steady hand. Yeah, he has a gift.
Brass: How about outside the O.R.? Was he socially gifted?
Vincent Lurie: He turned a lot of nurses' heads, but it never interfered with his work. Why the questions?
Brass: Debbie Marlin, one of your nurses, was murdered. Throat slashed. You didn't know this? Dr. Clark and his "steady hand" haven't been seen or heard from since, so you don't have to be a brain surgeon to guess what I'm thinking.
(DR. LURIE'S pager beeps. He glances down at it.)
Vincent Lurie: Uh ... all I can ask is that I ... I hope that you're wrong about Dr. Clark. Excuse me.
(DR. LURIE turns and walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - NIGHT]
(CATHERINE and WARRICK search the cabinets for cleaning supplies. GRISSOM looks around the room.)
Catherine: No cleansers. No rags, no sponges, no paper towels ...
Warrick: You'd think that she restocked when she went shopping.
Catherine: Well, I'm thinking the killer used everything the victim had.
(GRISSOM looks into the trash can and finds it empty.)
Grissom: And then disposed of it.
[EXT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - BACK DOOR]
(GRISSOM steps outside. He takes a moment to remove the covers over his shoes. CATHERINE and WARRICK look outside.)
(They step out onto the alley where the trash bins are lined up against the fences on both sides of the road. CATHERINE lifts the lid and checks the nearest bin. WARRICK and GRISSOM spread out to check the other bins.)
(She drops the lid closed.)
Catherine: Nothing.
(GRISSOM walks across the road and checks the bin. He finds the bin empty.)
(CATHERINE moves to the next bin.)
(WARRICK checks a bin and sees it filled with leaves. He sticks his hand inside to check the contents.)
(GRISSOM looks around and notices the flies buzzing around a particular bin.
Warrick: Nothing here.
(GRISSOM makes his way to the bin with the flies. WARRICK and CATHERINE also turn to see what's inside the bin.)
(GRISSOM lifts the trash lid and waves the flies away. He sees a trash bag. Inside the trash bag are bloodied towels and empty bleach containers. He digs in further and finds a plastic bag with flesh inside.)
(CATHERINE takes a photo of it.)
(GRISSOM looks at the other trash bins lining the road.)
(cc) GRISSOM: There's gotta be more.
(He leaves the bin with CATHERINE and WARRICK and slowly walks down the alley with the trash bins lining both sides of the road.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. ALLEY BEHIND DEBBIE MARLIN'S HOUSE -- DAY]
(A group of agents work at going through the trash bins lining the sides of the back alley.)
(GRISSOM, WARRICK and CATHERINE each work at their own trash bin. GRISSOM empties the contents of his bag. CATHERINE overturns her bag and finds more plastic bags of flesh.)
(WARRICK finds a particularly gruesome bag filled with intestines.)
Warrick: I think I found the victim's internal organs.
(CATHERINE picks up a bag with a left hand in it.)
Warrick: This guy meant business.
(She picks up a second bag and examines its contents.)
Catherine: I think I can confirm the victim's male.
Grissom: It seems he vacuumed to remove any trace from the house.
Catherine: City picks up the evidence and spreads it all over the dump.
Warrick: We have the victim's clothes. Very neatly folded.
(He puts the clothes aside and picks up a plastic bag with a face in it.)
Warrick: Well, if this is our boyfriend, then ... Brass is looking for a ghost.
(GRISSOM looks at the bags and sighs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB - DAY]
(SARA filters the water sample from the bath tub pipe. She checks the filter and lifts off a strand of hair.)
(GREG walks into the lab.)
Greg: Heard about the shower. Nurse, huh?
Sara: Multiple hairs, multiple donors.
Greg: Looks like she had a few "friends" over. A little nurses gone wild.
(SARA looks at GREG; he shrugs at her. She goes back to her filter and lifts off another strand of hair. GREG looks at it.)
Greg: Blanched.
Sara: Killer poured bleach down all the drains.
Greg: Talk about sucking all the life out of DNA.
Sara: If there's anything left, it's probably denatured.
(Quick close up of a strand of hair stuck in the drain, the bleach dripping off the wilted strand. Camera zooms into the hair follicle, down to the DNA to show the DNA strands deteriorating.)
(End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
(SARA thinks about it and picks up the pipe. She looks inside and lifts off a strand directly from the pipe.)
Sara: Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait ... bleach might have missed this one.
(Quick CGI POV: Camera zooms down the pipe as the bleach drips down the walls. Camera stops on a single strand of hair stuck in the pipe, protected from the bleach.)
(End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
(SARA examines the hair strand.)
Sara: Lucky for us ... we got a skin tag.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(DAVID PHILLIPS puts the bags of flesh together on a table while DR. ROBBINS goes over the preliminary findings with CATHERINE.)
Robbins: She's exsanguinated time of death is anybody's guess. Rigor's past, so it's over 24 hours. Deep incised wound of the anterior and lateral neck, transecting both carotids and the anterior trachea.
(CATHERINE stares at the body on the table..)
Robbins: Cut's clean. Extremely sharp, short instrument.
Catherine: Scalpel?
Robbins: That's what I'm thinking.
(ROBBINS touches the head lightly. He moves around the table to the other body.)
Robbins: You know, I caught a 25-pound yellowtail last year off the coast of Mexico, and it took me half an hour to filet. Dismembering an adult male with this precision and without cutting through the bone, twelve hours minimum.
Catherine: Half a day. That's patience.
Robbins: The, uh, patella was cleanly removed. And with one slice, the femur was separated from the tibia and the fibula. There's a perverse elegance to this butchery.
Catherine: Oh, I'm not so sure I see it that way. A killer with knowledge of anatomy whose tool is a scalpel. I think the butcher was a doctor.
(CATHERINE turns to look at DAVID PHILLIPS.)
Catherine: So David, isolate all ten fingers, ink them, give Jacqui the ten-card. We need to know who he is.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - SPARE ROOM -- DAY]
(GRISSOM stares at a blue butterfly. He puts the blue butterfly down on the dresser. He picks up the framed photograph on the dresser. DEBBIE MARLIN is smiling, her arms raised up high above her head.)
(The resemblance is uncanny.)
(GRISSOM sighs and shakes his head.)
(He stares at the photo unable to get her out of his mind. He looks at the mirror.)
(Quick flash to: DEBBIE MARLIN sits at the vanity behind GRISSOM. She's dressed in the powder pink spaghetti strapped top, low-riding blue jeans with the bottom half of the butterfly tattoo exposed.)
(She turns around slightly and looks over her shoulder behind her at GRISSOM.)
(Quick flash to: SARA sits at the vanity behind GRISSOM, turned and looking over her shoulder at him.)
(GRISSOM stares at the mirror for a long moment.)
(His cell phone rings; he automatically answers it.)
Grissom: Grissom.
Sara: (from phone) Hey.
(Startled, GRISSOM realizes whom he's talking to and is thrown a little off-balance.)
Grissom: Sara, uh, listen, I'm in a bad area. I'll call you back.
INTERCUT WITH:
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]
Sara: I got a skin tag off the bathtub drain pipe.
Grissom: (distant) Skin tag? That's great. Uh, give it to Greg.
Sara: Yeah, I did. Hey, do you want me to come over there and give you a hand?
Grissom: (faltering) No, I-I'm fine. I'll-I'll, uh ... I'll talk to you back at the lab.
(GRISSOM quickly disconnects the phone. SARA hangs up.)
(GRISSOM stares at himself in the mirror.)
(SARA pockets her phone, turns and walks back into the garage where WARRICK is working on the car.)
[INT. CSI - GARAGE - CONTINUOUS]
Sara: Hey, where'd Brass find the car?
Warrick: Long-term parking at McCarran. Ran the plates. R.O.-- Dr. Michael Clark. The head of security is giving us a copy of the surveillance tape.
Sara: So, he kills her and whoever she was with, and then he hops a plane?
Warrick: Well, it seems like that. You know what they say down at P.D. The quickest way to get a car stolen is to leave it at the airport unlocked.
(WARRICK easily opens the unlocked door.)
Warrick: See what I mean?
Sara: Who doesn't know that?
(SARA opens the passenger door and they both check out the front seat.)
Sara: Black powder on a black dash.
Warrick: I know. Let's just superglue it, huh?
(Cut to: WARRICK secures the cyanoacrylate fumer on its stand inside the car. He and SARA close the car doors and watch the fumes fill the car.)
(Dissolve to: They wait for the fumes to settle, then open the doors. On the passenger seat, circular patterns cover the chair; the driver's seat is clean.)
(SARA looks at WARRICK.)
Sara: Wipes and swirls. He cleaned everything but the driver's seat.
Warrick: Well, he had to drive himself to the airport, right?
Sara: He put something on the seat.
Warrick: Whatever he put, he took it with him.
(WARRICK looks around and spots something. Camera zooms in to a piece of black plastic stuck under the chair.)
Warrick: The black, plastic bag, maybe?
(WARRICK takes it out.)
Warrick: He missed a piece.
(Quick flashback to: The DRIVER puts a large black, plastic bag on the driver's chair.
Sara: (V.O.) He puts a bag on the seat, and then he adjusts it.
(The DRIVER slips into the car, sits on the plastic and adjusts the chair catching the plastic in the gears.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: How tall was he? Five-nine, according to the DMV report?
(WARRICK sits in the driver's seat to check the seat adjustment.)
Warrick: Wow. I'm six-two, and this is more than enough room for me.
Sara: So, whoever was driving this car, was way taller than five-nine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - CONFERENCE ROOM]
(CATHERINE, WARRICK and SARA sit at the table to go over the case with GRISSOM on the phone.)
Catherine: Two days ago, Debbie Marlin is off work. Sometime in the morning, she buys groceries.
Warrick: It's from Pendale's, the closest store in West Charleston.
Sara: Brass talks to the box boy, remembered her, saw her just before his lunch break at 11:15.
Catherine: Pendale's is about 20 minutes from her house. Where's Nick?
Sara: American Academy of Forensics Science Convention.
Grissom: (from phone) Hey, guys, can we continue, please?
(Quick flashback to: [EXT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S FRONT PORCH] GRISSOM visualizes DEBBIE MARLIN taking a bag of groceries out of the back seat of her car.)
Grissom: (V.O.) (from phone) She comes home from the grocery store.
(GRISSOM leans on the front porch talking on his cell phone, looking out at the driveway and visualizes DEBBIE MARLIN carrying the groceries to the house.)
Grissom: (V.O.) She parks in the driveway, and she begins to unload.
(DEBBIE MARLIN walks into the house.)
(End of flashback. Resume to Conference Room.)
Warrick: She takes out her perishables first. She has to go back for second shifts, so she probably leaves the front door open.
Sara: Explains why there was no forced entry.
(GRISSOM steps to the hallway and looks down its long stretch.)
Catherine: (from phone) Getting ready for her date.
(He slowly makes his way down the hallway.)
(Quick flashback to: [HALLWAY] GRISSOM visualizes DEBBIE MARLIN kneeling and lighting the candles on the floor at both sides of the entrance to her bedroom.)
Catherine: (from phone) (V.O.) Lighting candles. Multi-tasking.
(Finished, DEBBIE puts the match out and walks into her bedroom.)
(End of flashback.)
(GRISSOM walks to the bedroom doorway.)
Warrick: (from phone) She opens up a bottle of wine, two glasses.
(Quick flashback to: Standing in the doorway, GRISSOM visualizes DEBBIE MARLIN kneeling and lighting candles at the base of the porcelain white bath tub.
Catherine: (from phone) Her girlfriend said that she was locking down for the afternoon with Michael Clark.
(End of flashback. Resume to Conference room.)
(In the background, we see GREG walking down the hallway toward the Conference Room.)
Sara: Nosy neighbor puts the Mercedes in the driveway sometime around noon.
(GREG walks into the Room with the test results.)
Greg: Thought you guys would want to know. The hair Sara found is a match to the bags of human tissue. Prints confirm it. Per Jacqui, it's Michael Clark.
(GRISSOM is on the other end of the phone listening to GREG'S report.)
Catherine: (from phone) So, um, most of our efforts have been towards identifying another victim.
Grissom: Michael Clark. But can we place him dead at the house?
(GRISSOM stands at the bedroom doorway looking at the bathroom.)
Grissom: Greg, what else can you tell us about that hair?
Greg: (from phone) You mean hairs? There were two. Ancillary, maybe arm or leg hair.
Sara: Found it in the tub drain.
(GRISSOM heads for the bathroom.)
Grissom: (to phone) The avatar of choice ... for dismemberments.
Greg: According to Jacqui, there were no prints found on the scalpel blades or handle,
(Quick flashback to: [BATHROOM] The Killer picks up a scalpel with a gloved hand. End of flashback.)
Greg: ... but the blood's a match to both victims.
Catherine: So Michael Clark was dead in the tub.
(Quick flashback to: [BATHROOM] MICHAEL CLARK, eyes wide open, is dead in the bathtub.)
Catherine: (V.O.) We just don't know how he got there.
(End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM.)
Grissom: Well, I KM'd the carpet at the threshold of the bathroom. It's negative for blood.
Sara: So all the violence took place in the bathroom, at least anything that had to do with blood.
(GRISSOM steps into the bathroom and turns to look at the shower.)
Catherine: The bathroom is big, but it's not big enough to kill two at the same time.
(Quick flashback to: [BATHROOM] GRISSOM visualizes DEBBIE MARLIN standing inside the shower, lighting a candle on the shelf.)
Grissom: (V.O.) She lights the candles in the shower. Her back is to the door. He grabs her from behind...
(The KILLER grabs DEBBIE from behind and slashes her throat with a knife, blood sprays on the shower glass.)
Grissom: (V.O.) ... and slits her throat.
(GRISSOM looks down at the pool of blood near the shower drain in the empty shower area.)
Grissom: (V.O.) Then he positions her body ...
(Flash to: Close up of DEBBIE MARLIN'S head being deliberately turned toward the door, her eyes are open.)
(Flash to: GRISSOM deliberately turns DEBBIE MARLIN'S head toward the door.)
(Flash to: MICHAEL CLARK walks into the bathroom. DEBBIE MARLIN is already dead and positioned on the shower floor.)
Grissom: (V.O.) ... so that her face is the first thing the boyfriend sees when he walks in.
(MICHAEL CLARK turns and sees her.)
(End of flashback. Resume to CATHERINE.)
Catherine: So he takes seconds to kill Debbie.
(Quick flashback to: [BATHROOM] MICHAEL CLARK is dead in the bathtub. The killer picks up a scalpel and starts working on the body.)
Catherine: (V.O.) So why does he spend so much time cutting up Michael Clark?
(End of flashback. Resume to GRISSOM.)
Grissom: (to phone) Most likely because Michael Clark was the real focus of his rage.
(Flash to: Back view of DEBBIE MARLIN dead and positioned, her face turned to the door, hair fanned out behind her and facing GRISSOM who is standing just outside the shower stall.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[INT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - HALLWAY -- NIGHT]
(GRISSOM is on his hands and knees in the hallway. He leans forward and rubs a circular pad on a small section of carpet directly in front of him and tests for GSR. He finds nothing. He puts the pad aside and picks up another pad to continue testing for GSR. Camera pulls back slowly.)
(Dissolve to: GRISSOM rubs the pad on the small section of carpet directly in front of him. Camera pulls back further down the hallway.)
(Dissolve to: GRISSOM continues testing the carpet.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[HALLWAY]
(CATHERINE steps out into the hallway and sees GRISSOM on his hands and knees at the other end continuing his tests.)
Catherine: Don't tell me you never went home?
(GRISSOM looks up.)
Grissom: Okay. I just got started in here. Haven't even gotten to the other rooms yet.
Catherine: You know you lose your edge after sixteen hours. You're into your third shift. I mean, I'm all for overtime, but this is just plain greedy.
Grissom: My knees can't take this anymore.
Catherine: Have you eaten anything?
Grissom: What did you bring?
Catherine: (shrugs) I'll see what's in the fridge.
(CATHERINE leaves the hallway.)
Grissom: (shouts) We have to replace that, you know.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(WARRICK sifts through the vacuum bag. He picks out various items of interest and places them in open petri dishes according to HAIR, FOOD CARPET, PAPER &
OTHER.)
(He coughs. SARA walks in.)
Sara: Hey ... black lung.
Warrick: Ha, ha. I've been sifting through this trash for about six hours. You coming to rescue me or make fun of me?
Sara: I am just looking. Relax.
(SARA points to a particular dish.)
Sara: What are these white fibers here?
Warrick: They must be from the spare bedroom because all the other carpets are green.
(SARA turns and looks at the layout of DEBBIE MARLIN'S house, the "SCHEMATIC PLAN VIEW OF CRIME SCENE", CASE #00469-2.)
Sara: Spare bedroom wasn't on his entrance or exit path.
Warrick: Look, all I know is that they were near the top of the bag, so it must have been one of the last things he vacuumed.
(SARA nods.)
Warrick: I did happen to find this butterfly pendant, with some white fibers on it.
(WARRICK picks up a pendant from a dish.)
Warrick: It looks like a necklace or a bracelet and it has this link that snaps, so I'm thinking ... sign of struggle?
Sara: The killer was in that spare bedroom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - PATIO -- DAY]
(GRISSOM is eating out of a yogurt container, an open jar of peanut butter on the table in front of him. CATHERINE enters the room.)
Catherine: Feel better?
(She sits down at the table across from GRISSOM.)
Catherine: Well, now that we fed you, we should probably talk about a shower.
(He looks at her.)
Catherine: I mean at your place. You need to go home.
Grissom: As soon as we find some evidence, I promise.
Catherine: With fresh eyes, you won't miss it.
(GRISSOM puts the yogurt container and spoon down on the table in front of him.)
Grissom: Just talk it through with me, will you? What do we know?
Catherine: All right. The bathroom is where things got started -- candles, oils, steam shower, cleaned up, oiled up, sexed up.
(GRISSOM dips his finger in the peanut butter and sticks it in his mouth.)
Grissom: Let's go back to the bedroom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DEBBIE MARLIN'S RESIDENCE - BEDROOM]
(CATHERINE stands on one side of the bed using the ASL on the bedsheets while GRISSOM stands on the opposite side of the bed.)
(GRISSOM lifts the sheet corner.)
Grissom: No, nothing on this sheet.
(He and CATHERINE remove the top sheet. They ASL the second sheet.)
Catherine: She changed her sheets for her date-- I would.
(GRISSOM looks around and sees something. He sees a red silk scarf tied to the mattress.)
Grissom: Hey, Cath? Got silk?
(CATHERINE looks at the other side and finds the matching tie on the other side of the bed.)
Catherine: (smiling) Why, yes, I do.
(Quick flashback to: DEBBIE MARLIN is on the bed, her arms tied with the red silk. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: I don't mean to embarrass you, but, um ...
(CATHERINE lifts up the sheet away from the bed frame.)
Catherine: ... some guys need leverage.
(Quick flashback to: A pair of male feet pressed up against the bed frame. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: They do?
Catherine: (nods) I'll dust for prints.
(GRISSOM'S phone rings; he answers it.)
Grissom: (to phone) Grissom.
Warrick: (from phone) It's Warrick. I have something for you. I found a butterfly link with some white fibers on it.
(CATHERINE opens her powder container to dust the bed frame.)
Grissom: (to phone) Butterfly? Where?
(GRISSOM steps out of the bedroom into the hallway.)
Warrick: (from phone) In the vacuum bag. You check all the rooms?
Grissom: (cc) I haven't checked the spare bedroom. (audio) Let me look again and I'll call you back.
Warrick: All right.
(The phone disconnects; GRISSOM hangs up.)
[SPARE BEDROOM]
(GRISSOM lingers in the doorway and notices the butterfly collection on the shelf against the far wall. He walks into the room and examines the items in the collection: pins, pieces of jewelry, boxes and a couple of framed photos of DEBBIE and MICHAEL.)
(GRISSOM opens the butterfly jewelry box and looks inside. Bracelets line the inside, a pendant with "LOVE, DR. T", and other butterfly items. GRISSOM pushes the jewelry around and sees the butterfly pendant.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[MASTER BEDROOM]
(CATHERINE finds a print and lifts it off the bed frame.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[SPARE BEDROOM]
(CATHERINE walks in and lingers at the doorway. She holds up the print card.)
Catherine: Hang one. Toe print.
(CATHERINE walks into the room and joins GRISSOM in front of the shelves.)
Catherine: I'll have Sara compare it against both victims.
Grissom: Good. Warrick found a butterfly charm in the vacuum bag. I think I just found a piece from the same chain in this box.
Catherine: Butterfly, huh?
Grissom: She had a collection.
Catherine: Gifts from her ... gentlemen callers?
Grissom: Maybe the killer was taking his gift back, as in leave no trace. Maybe he finally ran out of patience and got sloppy.
(GRISSOM finds a strand of hair on the shelf. He picks it up. CATHERINE kneels next to him to look at the hair.)
Grissom: And this is why I didn't leave.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(DEBBIE MARLIN'S body is on the table, a large identification tag hanging from her right big toe.)
(SARA settles in on the left of the body and begins to automatically take toe print samples. From where she sits, she pauses and looks up at the body. After a moment, she continues to take print samples.)
(Curiosity getting the better of her, she pauses and looks up at the body again. This time, she wants a better look. She pushes her chair away from DEBBIE MARLIN'S feet to get a good look at her face. SARA stares grimly at the face in front of her - a face that could be her own.)
(Unable to look anymore, SARA turns away, affected by the girl on the table.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- DAY]
(CATHERINE is sitting on the bench and changing her shoes when SARA appears in the doorway.)
Sara: Hey, you seen Grissom?
Catherine: He's still at the crime scene.
Sara: (quietly) I eliminated both victims from the print you pulled off the bed.
Catherine: Well, we know she was fishing off the company pier.
(SARA nods. CATHERINE turns around and looks at her.)
Catherine: You, uh, seen Debbie?
Sara: Yeah.
Catherine: (prompting) And?
Sara: (avoiding) Yeah, I compared her toe prints.
Catherine: If I didn't know better, I'd think that was you on that table.
Sara: (tightly, smile forced) I didn't really look at her face.
(CATHERINE doesn't say anything, yet we get the feeling that she knows that SARA'S not telling the truth.)
Sara: (quietly) When you see Grissom, will you tell him?
(CATHERINE nods as SARA moves away from the door. CATHERINE watches her go, concerned.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DESERT PALM HOSPITAL]
(CATHERINE takes the foot print of a doctor at the hospital while the other male hospital workers stand around waiting their turn. BRASS stands on the side and watches.)
Doctor: Oh, that feels nice. Do you have something to take this off?
Catherine: Just step on the card, please.
Doctor: Good thing you caught me early in the shift.
(He steps on the card.)
Catherine: Yeah, lucky for me. I think I could probably tell who pulled a double.
(Finished, CATHERINE hands the card to JACQUI FRANCO who manually compares prints right there in the room. THE DOCTOR stands and leaves. HOWARD TRIPTON takes a seat to take his prints.)
Howard Tripton: Listen, I've got a patient waiting in pre-op.
Brass: We'll have you out in a minute. We appreciate you providing your prints voluntarily.
Howard Tripton: Well, there's probably a little bit of a lot of us in Debbie's house.
(JACQUI looks up.)
Jacqui Franco: Oh, we'll know soon enough.
(CATHERINE finishes with the prints.)
Catherine: (to the surgeon) Thank you.
(VINCENT LURIE walks over to BRASS.)
Vincent Lurie: You understand, right? The police aren't the only ones with a code of honor. Now, some of these men are married, and if this gets out ...
Brass: Nothing gets out unless it needs to get out.
(In the background, JACQUI finishes and looks at CATHERINE.)
Jacqui Franco: Got a match.
(She points at the print sample and the print card.)
Catherine: Dr. Tripton.
(HOWARD TRIPTON looks up.)
Brass: I'm afraid your patient in pre-op is going to have to wait a little while longer.
(Camera holds on HOWARD TRIPTON.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]
(HOWARD TRIPTON takes a sip from his cup. BRASS and CATHERINE interview him.)
Howard Tripton: Don't really know why I'm here.
Catherine: Your toe print was found in Debbie Marlin's house.
Brass: Same house she was murdered in.
Howard Tripton: Her car was in the shop, and I gave her a ride home one night, and she invited me in for a cup of coffee. She didn't like anyone wearing shoes in the house. Some Feng Shui thing.
Catherine: So, you Feng Shui-ed your way to the bed?
Howard Tripton: She was provocative. You take your coat off, she has her clothes off. She came on to me.
(Quick flashback to: [BEDROOM] DEBBIE grabs TRIPTON'S shirt and pulls him toward her.)
Debbie Marlin: Come on, doc, let's do it.
(She flips over onto her stomach.)
Debbie Marlin: Take a look.
(He lifts up her shirt to look at her butterfly tattoo.)
(Cut to: They're in bed; DEBBIE'S straddled on TRIPTON. She's wearing a sheer cover; her arms are outstretched with the silk ties in her hands sort of looks like butterfly wings. Oh, yeah, they're doing it - no more needed here.)
(Close up of TRIPTON'S toes against the bed frame.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: All right, well, let's talk about what's not open to interpretation. Yours were the only prints found in the house.
Brass: Michael Clark was on your rotation -- he was on your surgical team the day he was killed. You called in sick. Surgery was cancelled. Freed him up to be with Debbie, who also had the day off. What luck.
Howard Tripton: My son had a ball game. My daughter was at a swim meet. My wife was at a conference, and the surgery was elective. Not a stretch.
Brass: Your wife know about you and Debbie?
Howard Tripton: No.
Brass: She asked for s*x, right? She also asked for the bracelet, too, huh?
(CATHERINE puts the bag with the butterfly charm on the table.)
Howard Tripton: No, but ... I gave it to her. (He points.) This one.
(CATHERINE picks it up.)
Howard Tripton: She loved butterflies. Uh, I figured if I gave something special to her, she'd give something special to me.
Brass: Hmm. So it was a long-term relationship?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB]
[SCOPE VIEW] of a hair strand
Greg: That's the hair from the spare bedroom.
(GRISSOM lifts his head from the scope.)
Grissom: There's an oily film on the surface of the hair.
Greg: Propylene glycol. Active ingredient in rogaine for male pattern baldness. Personally, I don't use the stuff, but my grandfather, Papa Olaf -- he was Bruce Willis at age 16. Lucky for me, baldness comes from the mother's side, so I'm safe ...
Grissom: Greg, please, I'm very tired.
Greg: Well, maybe the guy we're looking for is going bald ... or trying not to. According to Papa Olaf, a lot of guys who use rogaine also use propecia, kind of like a cocktail. I ran the hair through massspec. I got four peaks: Ethyl alcohol, propylene glycol, minoxidil, and finasteride.
(GRISSOM looks at the test results.)
Grissom: Finasteride, the chemical name for propecia.
Greg: But wait, there's more, and it's a family secret. Sexual. Happens in less than two percent of users. (whispers) Papa Olaf was one of those guys that needed hydraulics.
(GRISSOM thinks about it, shakes his head, then leaves the lab.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS]
(CATHERINE looks into the break room. She's looking for GRISSOM. GRISSOM turns the corner; CATHERINE turns and sees him.)
Catherine: Oh.
(GRISSOM walks up to her.)
Catherine: The prodigal CSI returns. You get any sleep?
Grissom: Not yet.
Catherine: So, uh, Brass had to let Dr. Tripton go. The old s*x alibi. Too bad he didn't leave a toe print on a scalpel blade.
Grissom: You got a take on him?
Catherine: Balloon head, but credible ... like most adulterers.
Grissom: Is he going bald?
Catherine: Not really.
Grissom: Grey hair?
Catherine: No.
Grissom: Anything else?
Catherine: He's a lefty.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(TOP VIEW of MICHAEL CLARK'S body put together from the pieces found in the trash cans. ROBBINS goes over his findings with GRISSOM.)
Robbins: Okay, keep in mind, this is just a theory. It's a hot button issue among forensic pathologists.
Grissom: What's the consensus?
Robbins: Most doctors say it's impossible to prove handedness based on the wounds inflicted on a victim.
Grissom: Forget hard science. What's your hypothesis?
Robbins: Based on micro-incisions and hesitation marks, the victim was lying face up when he was killed. Take a look at the right knee.
(ROBBINS turns the knee over to show GRISSOM the cut. Camera zooms in close for a really good look at the cut.)
Robbins: The cut on the cartilage of the right distal femur has slight angulations from the, uh ... left distal to the right proximal, which suggests the killer was left-handed. This angulation is consistent with cuts made to the acetabulum and to the wrist, but bear in mind, it's not going to be admissible in court.
Grissom: I don't care about court. My mind's on a left-handed, propecia-using surgeon who's probably on staff at Desert Palm.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DESERT PALM HOSPITAL]
(The older doctors who fit the required description sit in a single row as GREG uses the ALS on their heads. He starts with the first doctor and goes one by one down the row of men. Finally, he finds the match.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM]
(GRISSOM and BRASS question VINCENT LURIE while his LAWYER is with them.)
Vincent Lurie: There was no need for the light show. All you had to do was ask.
Brass: Good. Since we're being completely honest ... are you losing your hair?
Vincent Lurie: I'm a 48-year-old man. I'm not unique.
Grissom: Your hair is, though. (He holds up the bagged evidence.) We found it at the crime scene. Minoxidil absorbs infrared light.
Vincent Lurie: I-I take rogaine and propecia. Again, not unique.
Brass: Well, we think that Debbie Marlin and Michael Clark were killed by a surgeon who is left-handed, and we know of two left-handed surgeons at Desert Palm: Dr. Tripton, who has an alibi, and you.
Vincent Lurie: Well, if you're going to make accusations, you should really do your homework. Howard and I are the only lefties on staff. Dr. Randolph, who has privileges at the hospital, he's also a lefty. We play tennis every Wednesday. He's got a heck of a back-hand. (BRASS nods.) If you want me to name more names, I could, but you don't want me to do your job for you, do you?
Lawyer: Gentlemen ... we're here as a courtesy, so if you're quite through wasting our time, I think that the doctor would like to get back to the business of saving lives.
Brass: Not so fast. Is this a link from a bracelet you gave Debbie?
(He puts on his glasses.)
Vincent Lurie: Mm-hmm. It looks like it. Where's the rest of it?
Brass: This link was vacuumed from the floor of the spare bedroom after the murder. The other link was in her jewelry box. The funny thing is that all the bracelets from the other guys she slept with are intact.
Vincent Lurie: Well, all I can tell you is when I gave it to her, it was in one piece.
(LURIE puts a hand on his LAWYER'S arm to get his attention; they confer for a moment. The LAWYER turns back to BRASS and GRISSOM.)
Lawyer: Do you have any other evidence?
Grissom: No, we don't.
Brass: We might not have any other evidence, but we have a theory.
Lawyer: That's not admissible in court.
Vincent Lurie: (indulgently) Oh, no, no, it's worth a listen.
(BRASS stands up and walks over to LURIE.)
Brass: (quietly) We think you killed Debbie Marlin because she rejected you, and Michael Clark paid the price.
(LURIE smile and chuckles a bit.)
Lawyer: Thank you for your time and your theories, but you said it yourself: You don't have a case. (he turns to LURIE) Doctor.
(VINCENT LURIE and the LAWYER stand up and head for the door. The LAWYER holds the door open for LURIE. Before he can leave, GRISSOM stops him.)
Grissom: (quietly) It's sad, isn't it, doc? Guys like us. Couple of middle-aged men who've allowed their work to consume their lives.
(Although he doesn't turn to look at GRISSOM, he's listening.)
Grissom: The only time we ever touch other people is when we're wearing our latex gloves.
(LURIE turns to look at GRISSOM.)
Grissom: We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then, all of a sudden ... we get a second chance.
(Quick flashback to: [DAY OF THE MURDER] DEBBIE MARLIN rushes out to the living room carrying a wine bottle and two glasses. She puts them on the table.)
(She lights the candles on the table, then turns and rushes down the hallway to light the other candles. Camera moves and we see a figure standing in the doorway watching her.)
Grissom: (V.O.) Somebody young and beautiful shows up. Somebody ...
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: ... we could care about. She offers us a new life with her ... ... but we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her.
(GRISSOM'S eyes move off of LURIE and his words turn introspective.)
Grissom: I couldn't do it ...
(He refocuses on LURIE; their eyes meet.)
Grissom: ... but you did. You risked it all ...
(LURIE looks away, unable to hold GRISSOM'S knowing gaze.)
Grissom: ... and she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else, ...
(Quick flashback to: [BEDROOM] LURIE sits on the bed as DEBBIE MARLIN ends their relationship. LURIE buries his head in his hands.)
Grissom: (V.O.) ... and you were lost.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: So you took her life.
(Quick flashback to: [BATHROOM] DEBBIE lights the candles in the shower. LURIE grabs her from behind, she gasps. He slashes her throat, blood sprays on the shower wall.)
(Cut to: [SPARE BEDROOM] LURIE, hands bloodied, picks up the butterfly bracelet from the box on the shelf. He rips the bracelet apart in anguish; the charms fall onto the carpet. He stands there, his head in his hands.)
Michael Clark: (o.s.) Debbie, it's me, Michael.
(LURIE hears MICHAEL and quickly bends down, hastily picking up the links off the carpet. He misses one.)
Michael Clark: (o.s.) Debbie?
(Cut to: [BATHROOM] VINCENT LURIE stands in the doorway looking at DEBBIE positioned in the shower. He turns around and we see MICHAEL CLARK dead, throat slashed, lying in the tub.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: You killed them both, and now you have nothing.
Vincent Lurie: (nods) I'm still here.
Grissom: Are you?
(VINCENT LURIE turns and walks out of the interview room, his LAWYER following behind him.)
[OBSERVATION ROOM VIEW]
(Through the glass, SARA watches GRISSOM sitting at the interview table, her image reflected in the glass. Just how long she's been standing there, how much she's heard, is anyone's guess.)
(Camera refocuses on SARA.)
(Although by the look on her face, we suspect she's heard it all. She watches as GRISSOM shakes his head and lowers it. BRASS walks out of the room leaving GRISSOM alone at the table while SARA watches him.)
FADE TO BLACK | Plan: A: her friend; Q: Who found the nurse dead in her house? A: her spacious bathroom; Q: Where did the nurse die? A: her head; Q: What part of the victim was facing the door when she died? A: Grissom; Q: Who is left unnerved because the victim bears a resemblance to his fellow CSI, Sara Sidle? A: dinner; Q: What was the nurse supposed to have with her new boyfriend? A: Dr. Michael Clark; Q: Who was the prime suspect in the case? A: the same hospital; Q: Where does Sara Sidle's new boyfriend work? A: very little evidence; Q: What does the crime scene reveal? A: the killer; Q: Who is the medical personnel? A: any DNA; Q: What did the killer use bleach to denature? A: initially a prime suspect; Q: What was Dr. Clark initially a suspect of? A: his workaholic life; Q: What does Grissom contemplate after the death of the nurse? Summary: A nurse is found dead in her house by her friend, who's also a nurse. The victim died in her spacious bathroom, posed with her head facing the door. Grissom is left unnerved because the victim bears a resemblance to his fellow CSI, Sara Sidle. According to the friend, she was to have dinner with her new boyfriend, Dr. Michael Clark, who works at the same hospital. Processing the crime scene reveals very little evidence because the killer has thoroughly cleaned the place and used bleached to denature any DNA. Dr. Clark, initially a prime suspect, is later found, albeit in pieces, in garbage bins behind the house. The precision of various cuts suggests that the medical personnel is the killer. Meanwhile, this case prompts Grissom to contemplate his workaholic life and whether it is worth the life he may be missing out on. |
With Help From: Dan Gottleib
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is at the counter eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes.]
Joey: (thinking) All right. It's a new day. All that stuff about Rachel, you don't feel that now. It was crazy! You're fine. You're better than fine! You are, as your friend Tony would say, Grrrreat! Everything's normal! She's just your friend Rachel! Your friend Rachel. Your friend! Rachel.
Rachel: (coming from her room) Hi, sweetie.
Joey: (thinking) Hey, it's your girlfriend, Rachel!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is sitting on the couch watching TV as Monica comes out of the bathroom.]
Monica: (airily) Hi.
Chandler: Are you, are you high?
Monica: I just had the most amazing bath.
Chandler: Really? I don't like baths.
Monica: Wait, you like them with me.
Chandler: Honey, it's not the bath I enjoy, it's the wet, naked lady.
Monica: Oh, baths are so relaxing!
Chandler: Really? What do you do? You just sit in there stewing in your own filth.
Monica: How dirty do you think I am? I'm telling you, if you had some candles and some bubbles and some music, you would love it! It would take all of your stress away.
Chandler: Honey, it's 2:00 on a Wednesday and I'm watching Road Rules, how stressed do you think I am?
Joey: (entering) Hey, Chandler, you got a minute? I-I really need to talk to you.
Chandler: Oh! Uh, yeah! Is this a cold pizza talk or a leftover meatloaf talk?
Joey: Well, neither.
Chandler: Oh my God, what's up?!
Joey: I don't know. It's-it's just...lately, I've been feeling... Okay, here's what it is... (Pause) You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks! (Starts to leave)
Chandler: Oh no-no, no you don't, just come back.
Joey: All right. Okay. You and Monica, friends for a long time, and sure there are rules, but then you went to London. Oh, no, but that's different. I mean, there are rules there, too! You know what I mean?
Chandler: Do you?
Joey: It was different for you guys! I mean, I mean, you were both in the same place, right?
Chandler: In London?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Yes. When Monica and I were in London, we were both in London.
Joey: You know what? This is a bad idea. Forget it. Forget it, and listen, do me a favor, this conversation was between you and me.
Chandler: If that.
[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting on the couch. Ross sits down.]
Rachel: Hi! Oh, Ross, don't forget, we have that doctor's appointment tomorrow!
Ross: Right.
Phoebe: Hey, are you going to find out the s*x of the baby?
Ross: No-no, we talked about it. We don't want to know. All we care about is that it's happy and healthy.
Rachel: Yep! Happy and healthy! And cute!
Ross: And smart!
Rachel: Popular.
Ross: With an aptitude for science.
Phoebe: Are you two talking about the same baby? Hey! Have you started off thinking of names yet?
Rachel: Oh yeah! I've come up with a bunch of ideas!
Ross: Really? Me too!
Phoebe: Me too!
Rachel: Really?!
Phoebe: Uh huh! If it's a girl, Phoebe, and if it's a boy, Phoebo!
Ross: Maybe. But it wouldn't hurt to have a backup, you know? Uh, Rach-Rach, what were you thinking? (Gives her a look)
Rachel: Okay! I was thinking if it's a girl, how about Sandrine? It's French.
Ross: Huh. That's a really pretty name for-for an industrial solvent.
Rachel: Okay fine, what do you have?
Ross: Well, OK, it's for a boy. Well, I know it's a little out there, but...Darwin.
Rachel: Wow, oh my God, our child will be beaten to death in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: Yeah, by Sandrine.
Ross: You're just saying that 'cause I said no to your name!
Rachel: I'm really, really not.
Phoebe: How-how about you each get five vetoes?
Ross: All right.
Rachel: All right.
Ross: That sounds fair.
Rachel: Yeah! I don't think you're going to need it though. Okay, check this out. If it's a girl, Rain.
Ross: Veto.
Rachel: Why?
Ross: Rain? Hi. Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln, and my dress is made out of wheat.
Phoebe: I know her! I bought homemade soap from her at a Dead show!
Ross: Okay, how about, for a guy, Thatcher?
Rachel: Ross, why do you hate our child?
Ross: Fine, you go.
Rachel: Okay, James.
Ross: Huh.
Rachel: But only if it's a girl.
Ross: Oh, veto. How about-Ooh, I like Ruth! What about Ruth?
Rachel: Oh! I'm sorry! Are we having an 89-year-old? How about Dayton?
Ross: Veto. Stewart?
Rachel: Veto. Sawyer?
Ross: Veto. Helen?
Rachel: Veto.
Phoebe: Is it me, or is veto starting to sound really good?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica comes from the bathroom as Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey.
Monica: Boy, do I have a surprise for you!
Chandler: s*x on the balcony?
Monica: No, but someone's really not going to get over that idea, are they?
Chandler: What is it?
Monica: I drew you a bath!
Chandler: Honey, I don't like baths! Could you draw me a picture of us having s*x on the balcony?
Monica: Please, could you just try it for me? Come on, I used all my best stuff! I-I-I lit some candles. I put on some music. I used bath salts, plus bubble bath! And got you this little plastic Navy ship. So it's a boy bath!
Chandler: Well, this does butch it up a bit.
Monica: I swear, if you try it, you will love it!
Chandler: All right, if I do this, can we at least discuss s*x on the balcony?
Monica: Absolutely.
(Chandler runs into the bathroom)
Monica: Bet I know how that discussion's going to go.
[Cut to Chandler laying in the bathtub. "Only Time," is playing in the background.]
Chandler: (thinking) All right, this isn't so bad. I like the flower smell! Which is okay, because I've got my boat.
Monica: (entering) So?
Chandler: Oh my God.
Monica: I told you you were a bath person! Hey, when you get out, maybe I can give you a facial!
Chandler: I'm going to need a bigger boat.
[Scene: The Doctor's Office, the doctor is writing something as Rachel is on the table, and Ross is standing.]
Ross: I don't think you had an open mind about the name Ruth. I mean, come on, little Ruthie Geller, how-how cute is that?
Rachel: Oh, oh my God! I can practically hear the mahjong tiles!
Dr. Long: Okay! All your tests look fine. Now, are you two interested in knowing the s*x of the baby?
Ross: Uh, no. No, we're not.
Rachel: But you have it right there in that file? You could tell us whether it's a boy or a girl? Dayton or Sandrine? Phoebe or Phoebo?
Dr. Long: That's right. But if you don't want to know...
Ross: No, no, we want to wait, right?
Rachel: Right. Right.
Dr. Long: (looks at her beeping pager) Oh, I'll be right back. And, uh, I know it's really not my place, but please don't name your child Phoebo.
Rachel: (looking at the bulletin board with baby pictures) So, which of these babies do you think is the ugliest?
Ross: What? Rach! Come on, that's terrible! They're...uh...they're babies. They're-they're all beautiful.
Rachel: Third one from the left?
Ross: Yeah, why is it staring at me? I think it knows I'm talking about it. (Rachel starts to peek at the file) Don't-don't you-Wh-Wha-Hey!!
Rachel: What?!
Ross: You're looking!
Rachel: I didn't!
Ross: I saw you!
Rachel: Okay fine, I did. But I didn't see anything, I swear.
Ross: Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!
Rachel: Okay, but Ross just listen to me...
Ross: No, no, no, no! Don't tell me! I don't want to know!
Rachel: But I couldn't even if I wanted to, because I don't know! I swear; I didn't see anything, and I don't want to know! It was just a momentary lapse.
Ross: Momentary lapse. Don't-don't you have any self-control?
Rachel: (holding stomach) Okay, a couple months late on the lecture, Ross.
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's, Monica is entering.]
Monica: Hello?
Chandler: I'm in the bathroom, can you come in here? I think there's something wrong.
Monica: You know what? I-I think I'll wait out here.
Chandler: I'm in the bathtub.
Monica: Oh. (She goes into the bathroom.) What's wrong?
Chandler: I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong! The water's tepid. The salt didn't dissolve and is now... lodged places. And the scents I used don't compliment each other. Eucalyptus and chamomile-Oh!
Monica: What?
Chandler: The bath salts! They're starting to effervesce! It's different. (Pause) It's interesting.
Monica: Okay, let's talk about something else.
Chandler: Yeah! Sure, sure. So, what was going on with you today? Oh-oh-oh!
Monica: Well, I actually had the weirdest conversation with Joey. He was talking about rules and right and wrong and...
Chandler: I had the exact same conversation.
Monica: You did? What was he talking about?
Chandler: I don't know! Joey hasn't had this much trouble getting out words since we saw him in Macbeth!
Monica: (groans) That was a long night.
Chandler: All right, let's break this down. What exactly did he say to you?
Monica: Okay, he was talking about rules.
Chandler: Uh-huh.
Monica: Umm, and looking at people differently.
Chandler: He didn't say anything about that to me.
Monica: What did he tell you?
Chandler: He was asking all these questions about you, me, and London. And, of course the glue that holds this all together, the rules.
Monica: Okay. So you, me and London. Looking at people differently. Maybe he wants to do what you and I did in London with someone.
Chandler: But what did he mean by rules?
Monica: Wait a minute! He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in!
Chandler: Because he was looking at her differently.
Monica: And Phoebe is his friend, so he thinks that would be breaking the rules!
Chandler: My God! He wants to do it with Phoebe in London!
Phoebe: (from outside the bathroom) You guys?
Monica: Just a minute! (To Chandler) That's Mrs. Tribbiani!
Chandler: You don't say anything.
Monica: Why would I say anything? That two of our best friends could start the greatest love affair of their lives! And they would have me to thank, and we could all start having babies?
Chandler: I'm not going to let you say anything.
Monica: You just stay here! (Dumps a jar of bath salts in the bathtub)
Chandler: Oh, God!
(Monica runs out to Phoebe, who is in the kitchen)
Phoebe: Oh, hey, Monica, I brought back your iron.
Monica: Oh, you had that?
Phoebe: Uh-huh.
Monica: I thought I lost it. I got a new one, like, a month ago.
Phoebe: Oh, just as well, I broke this one.
(Monica starts smiling)
Phoebe: What?
Monica: Nothing.
Phoebe: Okay.
Monica: I mean, I-I, I really shouldn't say. I mean, I'm really not supposed to.
Phoebe: Fine.
Monica: It's a humdinger!
Phoebe: Then it's really too bad that you can't tell me.
Monica: Somebody likes you!
Phoebe: (Groans) Is it Chandler?
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Well, then tell him to stop staring!
Monica: It's Joey!
Phoebe: Really?! Joey?! You don't say.
Monica: Is it something you'd be interested in?
Phoebe: I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. You know, I mean, on the one hand, Mother may I? But y'know on the other hand... No. No, I can't. We're friends. No, oh, no. I don't want to risk what we have.
Monica: I guess that makes sense. So, you think you're going to talk to him?
Phoebe: Sure, yeah. I mean, it's Joey. I don't want him to get hurt. Well, I must say, I am on fire! First Chandler, now Joey!
Monica: Not Chandler, just Joey.
Phoebe: Sure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Central perk, Ross is sitting on the chair as Rachel walks in.]
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: Hey.
Rachel: You know what? I've been thinking about it. I'm really coming around on the name Ruth. I think I would actually consider naming our child that.
Ross: Rach, I-I can't tell you how-how much that means to me! Ohh... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You-you hated the name Ruth! Why-why would you change your mind? Unless, you know we're never going to have to use it. You did see the folder. You know it's a boy!
Rachel: I didn't see anything! I actually changed my mind about the name.
Ross: I don't think so! You're just giving me Ruth so you'll get to name it when it's a boy, and that's when you'll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.
Rachel: I would-Sequoia?
Ross: Veto.
Rachel: Fine.
Ross: Unless... (Rachel groans.) You anticipated that I would figure all this out and you know that it actually is a girl, and you really do want her to be named Ruth! Well, I'm not falling for that! Okay? Ruth is off the table!
Rachel: But Ross, you want the name Ruth!
Ross: Not like this!
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's, Joey is sitting on his recliner as Phoebe enters.]
Phoebe: Hey.
Joey: Hey. Well, what's up?
Phoebe: Umm, Joey, I know.
Joey: What?
Phoebe: I knooow.
Joey: Whaaat?
Phoebe: I know about your feelings.
Joey: Oh my God. You do?
Phoebe: Yes, and I'm sorry. I-I know things worked out for Chandler and Monica, but that's very rare.
Joey: I know. I know. And this is so much more complicated than it was for those guys. I mean, it's Rachel for God sakes.
Phoebe: For God sakes, it's Rachel!
Joey: I know. I know. And she's not only my friend; she's my pregnant friend! She's my pregnant friend who's Ross' ex!
Phoebe: Yeah that's Rachel. (To herself) Beat me over the head with it.
Joey: What am I going to do? You know, and I keep, I keep trying to get rid of these feelings, y'know? I stayed up all last night and made a list of everything I don't like about her. You want to hear it?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Joey: She made me switch to light Mayo. That's it! That's all I got! And, you know what? It tastes the same and my pants fit better!
Phoebe: Joey, I just think you're getting worked up over nothing. This is probably just a crush.
Joey: You think?
Phoebe: Absolutely! Y'know, you get this rush of feelings, but then it goes away.
Joey: Yeah, just a crush! That's all this is! It's a crush! I'm Joey; I don't get deep feelings.
Phoebe: That's right, there you go! Crushes happen all the time! I know I've had them for all you guys. Well, except for Ross and Chandler. And I'm sure you've had them for us.
Joey: Not really.
Phoebe: Mm-hmm. (To herself) Throw me a bone here.
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the couch as Ross enters.]
Ross: So, I uh... I called the doctor and now we both know the s*x of the baby.
Rachel: What?
Ross: That's right. The student has become the master.
Rachel: Ross, I swear, I don't know.
Ross: Oh, come on, you know it's a girl!
Rachel: A what?!
Ross: You really didn't know?
Rachel: We're having a girl?
Ross: No.
Rachel: That's what you just said!
Ross: No.
Rachel: You said girl!
Ross: Yes. I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Rachel: I'm not! We're having a girl! Sometimes I can't believe it's with you-But still! We're having a girl!
Ross: I know! I know. You know what? I'm putting Ruth back on the table!
Rachel: Oh, yes! We'll have ourselves a little baby Ruth...
Ross: Permission to veto.
Rachel: Yes, please.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler enters as Monica comes from the bathroom.]
Monica: Hey.
Chandler: Do I smell essential oils?
Monica: Yeah, I'm going to take a bath. I'm just going to get a magazine.
Chandler: Okay.
(As soon as Monica leaves the room, Chandler takes off his jacket and runs to the bathroom. Monica enters the bathroom to find Chandler in the bathtub.)
Monica: What do you think you're doing?
Chandler: L-leaving my troubles behind?
Monica: I know that you're new at this, but this is completely unacceptable bath decorum.
Chandler: Oh, it's so hard to care when you're this relaxed.
Monica: Fine, you can have the bath, but I am taking your boat. Now you're just a girl in a tub!
(Phoebe enters the bathroom)
Chandler: (upset) Hey!
Phoebe: Hi, Bubbles. Manly. Well, I just thought I would drop by and let you know how it went with Joey.
Chandler: (To Monica) You told her?!
Monica: She pulled it out of me! She's like a conversational wizard! How'd it go?
Phoebe: Well, you were wrong, he doesn't like me!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Yeah! How would you like it if I sent you to Lee Majors' house and told you that he liked you, and you went down there and you found out that he didn't like you? How would you feel?
Monica: (Pause) I don't think I'd care.
Phoebe: Really? Lee Majors is hot!
Joey: (from outside the bathroom) Hello?
Phoebe: We're in the bathroom!
Joey: Why?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Because it's a relaxing and enjoyable time!
Joey: (entering the bathroom) What are you guys doing in here?
Monica: Oh my God! A friend he's looking at differently, but it's wrong. It's Rachel!
Chandler: You like Rachel?!
Joey: It's no big deal, okay? Phoebe and I talked about it. It's just a crush! It's going to go away! (Looks down) Dude, you gotta rearrange your bubbles! Oh!
Phoebe: (checking for herself) (To Monica) Mazel tov.
Rachel: (entering) Hey! Ross and I were looking for you! What are we all doing in here? (Looks at Chandler) Oh, my! (Covers the spot where Joey wants bubbles to be replaced.)
Monica: Honey, cover it up with the boat!
Ross: (from outside the bathroom) Hello?
Chandler: (sarcastically) Yes we're all in here and we would love for you to join us!
Ross: (entering) Well hey! What's going on? Ooh, cool boat-(Sees why the boat's there)-Oh, no. (Averts his eyes by looking around the room) (To Rachel) Hey, did you, did you tell them?
Rachel: No, I was waiting for you!
Phoebe: Tell us what?
Rachel: We're having a girl.
All: Oh, wow! Yay! Wow! Hooray! Oh, man!
(They all hug and then turn and look at Chandler)
Chandler: I'll...I'll get you later!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting at the counter eating Cocoa Puffs.]
Joey: (thinking) All right. It's a new day, and it's just a crush, that's all! Just a little crush! All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy. Crazy! Like my friend here the bird would say, "it was cuckoo!" Everything's going to be fine. It's just a crush.
Rachel: (entering) Hi, sweetie.
Joey: (thinking) I love you.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Chandler and Monica's bathroom. Both are sitting on opposite ends of the bathtub.]
Monica: It sure is nice to do this together, isn't it?
Chandler: Yeah. And what you're doing feels so good.
Monica: I'm not touching you.
Chandler: You're not?
Monica: It's the salts.
Chandler: Oh, sweet Lord. New realms of pleasure!
Monica: (To herself) Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy! | Plan: A: Monica; Q: Who introduces Chandler to the idea of a bath to relax? A: candles; Q: What is another item Monica adds to Chandler's bath? A: Ross; Q: Who and Rachel toss baby names back and forth while deciding whether to learn the baby's sex? A: a little detective work; Q: How do Monica, Chandler and Phoebe discover that Joey still likes Rachel? Summary: Monica turns Chandler on to the concept of a bath to relax, complete with scented oils and candles. Ross and Rachel toss baby names back and forth while deciding whether to learn the baby's sex. Joey still likes Rachel, a fact that Monica, Chandler and Phoebe discover by a little detective work. |
[OPENING CREDITS]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. GREAT HALL - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Servants prepare the hall for a wedding reception. Edith looks down on the preparations from the balcony with a smile. She goes to the ground floor and looks around at the flowers and glasses and servants bustling about. Violet enters with Alfred.]
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Oh! Hello, Edith, dear.
Lady Edith: Hello, Granny. Isn't it exciting?
[Edith assists Violet over the rolled up carpet, Alfred stands by with a ready arm.]
Violet: At my age, one must ration one's excitement.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Cora and a maid are arranging the gifts as Cora and Edith enter.]
Violet: See, I told her everything would come right, but she wouldn't believe me.
Edith: I still can't. Something happening in this house is actually about me.
[Cora smiles.]
Edith: The dress came this morning.
Violet: I was rather sad you decided against Patou. I would've paid.
Cora, Countess of Grantham: Lucile was safer. We don't want her to look like a chorus girl.
[Edith smiles with a chuckle.]
Violet: How is Anthony? Excited, I hope.
Edith: Desperately. Just when he thought his life would never change, he's going right back to the beginning.
Violet: Oh. What an invigorating prospect.
[Cora gives Violet a look.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY]
Sarah O'Brien: I hope you've got your shirt ready for tonight.
Thomas Barrow: In case you're interested, I've hidden a couple, so I won't be caught out that way again.
O'Brien: Why should I be interested?
Thomas: That goes for you, too.
Alfred Nugent: What have I done?
O'Brien: Take no notice.
[They go separate ways. Anna puts on a coat as she walks down the corridor.]
Mrs Hughes: Anna?
[Anna stops and turns around.]
Mrs Hughes: Are the flowers done?
Anna Bates: Yes.
[Mrs Hughes joins her as she walks.]
Anna: I'll check them on Saturday morning and lose anything that's going over. I've kept back a few in bud. I'll be home for the dressing gong.
Mrs Hughes: Oh, we'll manage.
[Anna leaves and Mrs Patmore approaches Mrs Hughes.]
Mrs Patmore: Still no word from the doctor?
[Mrs Hughes waits for the door to close full behind Anna. They speak in hushed voices.]
Mrs Hughes: I'd have told you if there was.
Mrs Patmore: [?] they don't mind stringing it out. Should we go and see him?
[Mr Carson hears part of their conversation through the open door nearby.]
Mrs Hughes: Why? I'm sure if he knew anything, he would have said.
[Carson's jaw drops in surprise.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Thomas catches Molesley as he exits Matthew's dressing room.]
Thomas: How are you today, Mr Molesley?
[Molesley drops some of the clothes he's carrying as he turns around and Thomas picks them up for him.]
Mr Molesley: Er, very well, thank you.
[Thomas follows alongside Molesley.]
Thomas: You were talking the other night about your friend's daughter. Is she still looking for a place?
Mr Molesley: She is. You read about the servant shortage in the newspapers, but you can't find a situation for a lady's maid, not one. She'll end up as a house maid if she's not careful.
Thomas: Well, we can't have that, Mr Molesley. But if I were to tell you something...
[Thomas stops Molesley.]
Thomas: You must promise not to breathe a word of it downstairs. Miss O'Brien doesn't want it known.
[Thomas opens the servants' door for Molesley with a smile.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Cora arranges flowers while Robert sits at his desk and Tom and Matthew read on the couches.]
Cora: How will they advertise it?
Robert, Earl of Grantham: I don't know exactly. "Desirable nobleman's mansion with surrounding estate and properties."
Tom Branson: Where will you go?
Robert: We have some land further north at Eryholme, on the border with Durham. It came with my great-grandmother. The house is pretty and we might make something of it. We could always rename it "Downton Place."
[Cora sits down.]
Matthew Crawley: Who lives there now?
Robert: A tenant. But we can come to an arrangement that keeps him happy.
Cora: Let's take a picnic there tomorrow. Take a break from the wedding on Edith's last day of freedom.
[Mary and Sybil enter.]
Lady Mary: Molesley's in the hall. He wonders if he might have a word.
Matthew: I'll come through in a minute.
Mary: Not with you, with Mamma.
[Matthew looks up from his newspaper in surprise.]
Mary: Molesley.
[Molesley enters with a smile. Then his face falls to find the entire family there.]
Mr Molesley: Your Ladyship, may I have a word?
Cora: Of course.
[Cora nods with a smile and a nod, but doesn't move. Molesley proceeds nervously.]
Mr Molesley: Milady, might I be allowed to put forward a candidate as Miss O'Brien's replacement?
Cora: What?
[Robert turns around in surprise.]
Mr Molesley: When the time comes.
[Robert walks over.]
Robert: Is O'Brien leaving?
Mr Molesley: I hope I've not spoken out of turn. Only, I didn't want to let it go and miss the chance. I thought you knew.
Cora: Of course I know. Thank you, Molesley. I'll be happy to listen to recommendations when, as you say, the time comes.
Mr Molesley: Thank you, milady.
[Molesley bows to her and the others and exits.]
Robert: Well, I must confess, I will watch her departure with mixed emotions.
Mary: Mine are fairly unmixed.
[Tom smiles in amusement.]
Sybil Branson: Did you have a clue?
Cora: Not a clue. How very disappointing.
Robert: But, in a way, it raises the big question: when do we tell the staff that the end is nigh?
Mary: It makes it sound so final.
[Robert takes Cora's hand.]
Robert: I'm afraid it is final.
Mary: Well, don't spoil Edith's day. Let us get through the wedding first and then tell them afterwards.
[EXT. DOWNTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY]
[Carson meets Dr Clarkson just as he's exiting the hospital.]
Mr Carson: Oh, er, Dr Clarkson!
[Clarkson stop and Carson catches up to him.]
Do you have a minute?
Dr Clarkson: Er, one minute, yes. Do you mind if we...?
[Clarkson motions forward and Carson steps into stride beside him.]
Mr Carson: No. Only, I know that Mrs Hughes is suffering from a condition and I wondered if there was anything I could do to help.
Dr Clarkson: Well, you can help by lessening her duties. That's really all I can say.
Mr Carson: But you can't tell me how serious it is?
[Clarkson stops.]
Dr Clarkson: I'm afraid not. Even if I knew, which I don't. Yet. Good day to you, Mr Carson.
[Clarkson tips his hat to Carson and walks on.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MARY AND MATTHEW'S - EVENING]
Matthew: I had a telephone call from Charkham earlier.
Mary: Charkham?
Matthew: Reggie Swire's lawyer. It seems the death certificate has arrived from India. He wants to bring it here.
Mary: Well, can't he send it?
Matthew: He wants to bring it. He was quite definite. I've told him he can come tomorrow. There's nothing going on particularly, is there?
Mary: You know there is. We're taking a picnic to [?] to see the house we have to move into.
[Matthew closes his eyes as he remembers.]
Mary: I'm surprised you, of all people, can forget that.
[Matthew sighs with his hand over his eyes.]
Matthew: Well, he's coming in the morning. I won't put him off.
[Mary exhales with an annoyed nod.]
Mary: So this is the moment when you receive a huge fortune that could save Downton and you give it away.
MATTHEW (heavy sigh) Will you choose where to give it?
Mary: How can I? I'd give it all to Papa.
Matthew: My darling, I hope, in some small part of you, you can understand.
Mary: I'm trying. Really, I am. But I can't pretend I'm doing very well.
[Mary marches out and Matthew heaves another frustrated sigh.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Cora looks at O'Brien with a sad frown as she fixes Cora's dress.]
O'Brien: Will there be anything more, milady?
Cora: No. Unless you have something you want to tell me.
O'Brien: What might that be, milady?
Cora: I won't prompt you, O'Brien, if you're not ready to say.
[Robert enters. O'Brien leaves confused and Cora watches her go sadly.]
Robert: Did she tell you why?
Cora: No. Maybe she doesn't want to until she's settled where she's going, but she has let me down.
Robert: We should go. Strallan won't be late. He never is, [?].
Cora: Oh. I know you're not happy. But Edith will be in the same county. Locksley's a nice house and the estate will give her plenty to do.
Robert: She'll be a nurse, Cora. And by the time she's fifty, she'll be wheeling around a one-armed old man.
[Cora tilts her head at him with a smile and opens the door.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - EVENING]
Mrs Patmore: Er, are you waiting down here 'til they come in search of the pudding?
Alfred: Er, no, Mrs Patmore.
[Alfred takes the tray and exits. Mrs Patmore sees Mr Carson waiting in the corridor.]
Mrs Patmore: Can I do something for you?
Mr Carson: Well, I'd better get back upstairs, but, erm... while you're here...
[Mr Carson motions for her to walk with him.]
Mr Carson: I saw Dr Clarkson today.
[Mrs Patmore looks up, her mouth open.]
Mrs Patmore: Oh?
Mr Carson: I'm worried about Mrs Hughes.
Mrs Patmore: We're all worried. But I don't think he should've told you.
Mr Carson: He said it would help if we lessened her work load.
Mrs Patmore: I'm sure it would. But she won't be pleased he's been talking about her before it's been confirmed.
Mr Carson: So, it is cancer?
Mrs Patmore: Not until it's confirmed.
[Carson turns in concern.]
Mrs Patmore: But don't say anything. She'd hate to think the doctor had told you.
Mr Carson: He didn't tell me, Mrs Patmore. You told me.
[Mrs Patmore's mouth opens and she sighs as she realises her mistake.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Robert and his sons-in-law visit after the ladies have withdrawn.]
Sir Anthony Strallan: Lady Edith-I mean, er...Edith tells me that you're very interested in politics.
Tom: W-
Robert: Tom is our tame revolutionary.
Sir Anthony: Every family should have one.
[Tom smiles.]
Matthew: As long as you are "tame."
Tom: Tame enough for a game of billiards.
[Matthew and Tom smile.]
Tom: What about it?
[Matthew tilts his head in agreement and they down their drinks and stand up.]
Matthew: Can you tell them where we've gone?
[They exit.]
Robert: We're getting used to Tom. And I hope you will, too.
Sir Anthony: We haven't spoken, really, since it was all settled. I want you to know that I quite understand why you were against it.
Robert: Yes. Well...
Sir Anthony: I just hope you believe that I mean to do my level best to make her happy.
Robert: I do believe that. It was never at all personal, you know.
Sir Anthony: No, of course not. No. It's just...because of all this and...
[Strallan indicates his bad arm.]
Sir Anthony: I'm far too old.
Robert: Anthony...the thing is done. There's no point in raking it over.
Sir Anthony: But are you happy about it?
Robert: I'm happy Edith is happy. I'm happy you mean to keep her happy. That is quite enough happiness to be going on with.
[Strallan doesn't seem to take the comment very well.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Hughes goes over the menus with Carson.]
Mrs Hughes: There's been a last minute change of mind about the wedding menus.
Mr Carson: Couldn't Mrs Patmore do it?
Mrs Hughes: Mrs Patmore's given me her new order list. She's done her job. It's time for me to do mine.
Mr Carson: I just don't want you to get tired.
[Mrs Hughes stops on her way up the stairs and spins around to look at him.]
Mrs Hughes: Who have you been speaking to?
[Carson hesitates.]
Mr Carson: No one. What do you mean?
Mrs Hughes: Nothing. I don't mean a thing. Now, let me get on.
[Mrs Hughes continues up the stairs.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. WOMEN'S SHELTER - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Crawley tries to teach sewing to women off the streets.]
Isobel Crawley: This is a simple stitch, but strong, and very useful in a drama.
MAVIS When do we get sommat to eat?
Isobel: As I was saying, you should start it about, well, I would say, about half an inch away from the centre line...
[The women she's teaching stare at Ethel entering behind Isobel, and she turns around and goes to her.]
Isobel: Oh, I'm glad you've come back. I do hope you've come for our help. You'd be so welcome if you have.
Ethel Parks: You wouldn't say that if you knew what I am, ma'am. I'm past help.
Isobel: Nobody's past help. And if you mean by that, you're a prostitute...
[Ethel's eyes widen in shock.]
Isobel: Well, then you should know that it is true of every woman who has come here to rebuild their lives, and I'm helping them. And I very much hope that I can help you, too.
MAVIS That's right. Why not come in and help us rebuild our lives?
[All the women cackle.]
Ethel: That's not why I'm here, Mrs Crawley. That is, I am a...what you said...but I don't want help. Not for myself, but...
[Ethel looks over at the other women watching.]
Ethel: The trouble is, every time I make up my mind, I change it. I'm sorry. This has been a mistake.
[Ethel rushes out.]
Isobel: Oh, please, please, don't go. Not again.
[The other women laugh.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Matthew stares at the letter in his hand.]
Mr Charkham: It must be strange to receive a letter from a dead man.
Matthew: It's very strange.
[Mary enters and Matthew quickly puts the letter in his coat pocket.]
Mary: We're leaving. I'm sorry, Mr Charkham, to snatch him away.
Mr Charkham: It's quite all right, Lady Mary.
[Charkham picks up his briefcase and shakes Matthew's hand.]
Mr Charkham: There will be papers to sign.
Matthew: Yes, I expect there will.
[Charkham exits and Mary stares after him for a moment.]
Mary: Papa has asked Anthony to meet us there so we can all face the future together.
[Matthew nods.]
Mary: He's bringing Isobel and Granny.
Matthew: It's hard for your grandmother.
Mary: Matthew, it's torture for all of us. And if I ever look as if I'm finding it easy to lose my home, then I am putting on an act.
[Matthew watches Mary with a troubled expression as she leaves.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. FRONT DOOR - DAY]
Mr Carson: You sure you can manage this?
Alfred: Quite sure, Mr Carson.
Mr Carson: It's nothing hard. It's not a shooting lunch. Give them some champagne first and that will allow you the time to set it out properly.
Alfred: I'll manage, Mr Carson. What's this place we're visiting?
Mr Carson: It's one of His Lordship's houses, though I'm curious as to why they're going there today.
Alfred: Maybe he likes to keep a check on things.
Mr Carson: Maybe.
[The family talks as they exit the house. Matthew and Mary exit first, followed by, Edith, then Robert and Cora.]
Matthew: We'll see you there.
[Carson waves a hand at Alfred.]
Mr Carson: Off you go.
[Alfred goes to open Matthew's car door.]
Robert: Mrs Banning; she was a cousin of Granny's.
Mary: You want to come with us?
Edith: Yes, thank you.
Mr Carson: Might I have a word, my lady?
Cora: Yes, of course. What is it?
[Robert gets in the second car.]
Mr Carson: This is a slightly awkward request, what with the wedding tomorrow.
Cora: Tell me.
Mr Carson: Mrs Hughes is very tired. I-I wonder if it might be possible for you to divert some of her work my way.
Cora: I don't understand. What do you mean "tired"?
[Carson looks away awkwardly. Robert calls from the car.]
Robert: Cora?
[Cora puts a hand up for him to wait without looking at him.]
Cora: Carson?
Mr Carson: The fact is, Mrs Hughes is ill, my lady.
[Cora is very concerned.]
Mr Carson: She may be very ill. I'm extremely sorry to trouble you with this at such a moment, but I don't want the wedding to sink her.
Cora: Of course not. But, my heavens, how will we manage without O'Brien, and now Mrs Hughes?
[Carson is confused.]
Mr Carson: Miss O'Brien?
Cora: She told Molesley-
Robert: Cora, please.
[Cora looks at Robert in the car, then hesitates looking back to Carson, and then goes to the car.]
Cora: I'm coming.
[Cora steps in and Carson closes the door and watches them all drive off.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LONDON STREET - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Anna turns into a residential area where a woman is taking laundry off the line.]
Anna: Mrs Bartlett? I've...I've brought the money.
[Anna gives Mrs Bartlett some money. Bartlett checks it and sticks it in her pocket.]
Mrs Bartlett: Well, it's you're loss 'cause I got nothing to say.
[Bartlett goes about her laundry.]
Anna: All I want to know is if Vera-
Mrs Bartlett: Oh! So you were on Christian name terms, were you? You do surprise me.
[Anna pauses, then composes herself.]
Anna: If Mrs Bates ever suggested she was depressed or unhappy.
Mrs Bartlett: Of course she was unhappy. Her husband had left her and gone off with a trollop.
[Anna takes a couple steps and stares at Bartlett's back.]
Mrs Bartlett: He changed, you know. She was scared of him by the end and now he knows she had good reason.
Anna: When did you last see her?
[Bartlett looks over at the other women trying to listen in as they take down their laundry.]
Mrs Bartlett: You better come inside.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. PRISON, EXERCISE YARD - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[The guards have the men walk in a circle around the yard. The man walking behind Bates whispers to him surreptitiously.]
Dent: Bates. Pfft. Watch out.
Bates: What do you mean?
Dent: Search your room. Search your bed. They've set you up somehow, your cellmate, Craig and his mates.
Guard: Stop talking!
Dent: Just do it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS BARTLETT'S HOUSE - DAY]
Mrs Bartlett: Their door was open, so I looked in. She was cooking, but...she had to post a letter, so she walked me down the street. She said Bates was coming back later for his tea. She was terrified. She was in a strange mood. Jumpy and fearful, but determined. I remember she had made pastry and she was scrubbing it out of her nails like she didn't care if she took the skin off.
Anna: So, after she posted the letter, she went home on her own?
Mrs Bartlett: She did, poor soul. And I never saw her after.
[Mrs Bartlett sits down at the table with Anna.]
Mrs Bartlett: I can remember her now, walking away down the street. It was raining. No. Not raining, more like drizzle. And the gas light seemed to catch in the drops and make a sort of halo around her.
Anna: A halo? Really?
Mrs Bartlett: You can laugh.
Anna: When did you hear she was dead.
Mrs Bartlett: Next day. So I knew it was Bates. When I heard the verdict, I thought he'd swing. And he should have if the country hadn't gone soft.
[Mrs Bartlett starts crying.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Violet sits in the back of a Strallan's motorcar as Isobel sits up front with the chauffeur.]
Violet: This is very good of you.
Sir Anthony: Nonsense, you were on the way. (to Isobel) I do wish you'd let me sit in the front.
Isobel: No, no. I prefer it. I've ridden in the front seat many times.
Violet: Aren't you a wild thing.
Sir Anthony: Oh, it's quite safe. There's never been a safer method of travel.
Violet: Or a faster one.
Sir Anthony: Edith's a speed fiend. She likes to go at a terrific lick.
Violet: Do you think you'll be able to keep up with her?
Sir Anthony: I'll try.
Isobel: What's this place like? [?], is it? Do you know it?
Violet: Well, a little. My late husband kept the shooting there and we sometimes had luncheon in the house.
Isobel: Is it nice?
Violet: Nice enough, as a retreat from the world. I wouldn't have thought it suited to much else.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. BACKYARD - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Tables are set for luncheon on the grounds. A large house sits in the background. Cora looks at it fondly.]
Cora: Downton Place.
[Robert does not look at the house with any enthusiasm.]
Cora: How lovely.
[Robert walks away glumly.]
Mary: Won't it be a bit cramped?
Tom: You do realise that for most people it looks like a fairy palace.
Sybil: You'll be able to run it with a much smaller staff.
Robert: This is it. I doubt we'll need more than eight servants, tops. So it'll be very economical. A-
[Robert puts a finger over his lips as Alfred steps forward to place something on the table, then steps away.]
Violet: What about me? Where am I to go?
Robert: We still own most of the village.
Violet: Oh. Perhaps I could open a shop.
[Edith chuckles.]
Edith: Good idea, Granny. What do you think [?] needs?
Violet: Well, if it's like everywhere else: good manners and some decent conversation.
Isobel: Well, there you are then. You should have a roaring trade in minutes.
[Edith chuckle.]
Isobel: How's everything going?
Edith: Very well, I think.
Isobel: I think it's rather unfair that Mary should have an archbishop to marry her and you've got poor old Mr Travis.
Edith: Oh, I don't mind. It was such short notice and he was all booked up. And I prefer it, really, to have the man that christened us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. FRONT YARD - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary and Matthew walk together.]
Mary: What did Charkham come for?
Matthew: He gave me a letter from Swire. It seems he left one for each of the three potential heirs when and if they inherited. Mine is the only one to have been delivered.
Mary: And what did it say?
Matthew: I haven't opened it. I can't decide whether I will.
Mary: Why wouldn't you?
Matthew: Because I know it'll be a paean of praise. How Lavinia could not have found a better man, et cetera.
Mary: And you don't want to read that?
Matthew: Since she could not have found a worse one, no, I don't. I already feel bad enough, and if I read his words, they will stay with me forever.
[Matthew walks off and Mary stares after him with a confused scowl.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Isobel walks down the stairs and searches the corridor. She finds Mrs Hughes, who is rather surprised to see her.]
Isobel: Ah.
Mrs Hughes: Mrs Crawley.
Isobel: We're back from our delicious luncheon. And, erm, I was on my way home. You had a maid at Downton, Ethel Parks. I was here when she brought her son into the dining room.
Mrs Hughes: Who could forget that?
Isobel: Do you have an address for her?
Mrs Hughes: I do. If she's still there.
Isobel: You see...
[Another servant walks by and Isobel stops talking until the girl passes. She continues in a lowered voice.]
Isobel: You see, I saw her this morning. And I'm afraid she's fallen into a bad way. A very bad way.
Mrs Hughes: Oh, dear. I am sorry to hear that. If you'd like to come with me, I'll fetch it for you.
Isobel: Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. PRISON, BATES'S CELL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Craig sits on his bed while Bates searches the bed underneath for planted evidence. Guards walk down the outside corridor. Bates finds something under his mattress. The guards approach his cell and he hears their keys jangle in the lock. The guards enter.]
Durrant: Get up, both of you! Against the wall.
[Craig and Bates comply.]
Durrant: Mr Turner, search the bunk, please.
[The other guard searches the bed, smelling the pillow. Bates moves his hand along the wall, holding what he found.]
Turner: Nothing here.
Durrant: What?
[The guard searches where Bates found the object, but it's not there. The guard seems to think for a moment, then stalks out.]
Durrant: Clean this mess up!
[Craig walks back to his untidy bed and shoves the mattress back toward the wall.]
Craig: Bastards.
[Bates watches Craig with a slight glare. He steps away from the wall, which now has a tiny fringe of cloth poking out of a crack between the stones.]
Bates: There's a lot of bastards in here.
[Bates walks menacingly toward the bunk, then sits down on his bed.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[The servants sit down to their luncheon. Molesley turns to Anna.]
Mr Molesley: I expect you're tired. It's a long day up to London and back again.
Mrs Hughes: Was it worth the journey?
Anna: Not really.
Mr Carson: Miss O'Brien, might I ask what you've confided in Mr Molesley, but have kept from the rest of us.
O'Brien: I don't know what you mean.
Mr Carson: Mr Molesley appears to have given Her Ladyship the impression that you're planning a change of some sort.
[O'Brien turns to Molesley.]
O'Brien: What's this?
Mr Molesley: I-I'm sorry. I thought Her Ladyship would know.
O'Brien: Know what?
Mr Molesley: That you're leaving.
[O'Brien looks offended.]
O'Brien: I beg your pardon? How dare you make such an assumption!
[Thomas watches the exchange and Mrs Hughes looks between O'Brien and Molesley.]
Thomas: Isn't it time for the dressing gong, Mr Carson?
Mr Carson: Oh, it certainly is. Thank you.
[Mr Molesley tries to ask Thomas about the confusion as all the servants rise from the table.]
Thomas: Excuse me, Mr Molesley, but I've got work to do, even if you haven't.
[O'Brien glares at Thomas, then at Molesley.]
O'Brien: I'll deal with you later.
[O'Brien leaves. Molesley looks surprised and a little worried. Daisy stares at him as she's clearing the table.]
Daisy: You're in the soup. I wouldn't be in her bad books for a gold clock.
[Daisy exits and Molesley is left alone in the servants' hall looking a bit stunned.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY GRANTHAM'S BEDROOM - EVENING]
Cora: You must have said something Molesley misinterpreted.
O'Brien: But I don't say anything to him, milady, beyond "pass the salt" and "get out of the way."
Cora: There must have been something. I'm afraid I do feel let down, O'Brien. I really do. And right on top of the wedding...
[Someone knocks on the door, and Mrs Hughes enters.]
Mrs Hughes: You sent for me, milady?
Cora: Yes.
[Cora turns to O'Brien.]
Cora: Thank you, O'Brien.
[Mrs Hughes lowers her gaze with a displeased expression as O'Brien passes her, and then looks up pleasantly at Cora as O'Brien shuts the door on her way out.]
Cora: Mrs Hughes, I understand that you're not well.
[Mrs Hughes is taken by surprise.]
Mrs Hughes: Whom do you...understand that from? Because...if the doctor-
Cora: It wasn't Doctor Clarkson.
Mrs Hughes: It is not confirmed that I am ill, Your Ladyship. I've had a test, and I'm waiting for the results. But I am perfectly capable-
Cora: Mrs Hughes, I only want to say one thing, that if you are ill, you are welcome here for as long as you want to stay.
[Mrs Hughes stares at Cora, speechless.]
Cora: Lady Sybil will help us to find a suitable nurse.
Mrs Hughes: I see.
Cora: I don't want you to have any concerns about where you'll go or who'll look after you, because the answer is here, and we will.
[Mrs Hughes is speechless and slightly emotional.]
Mrs Hughes: I don't know what to say, milady.
Cora: There isn't anything more to say until we know where we stand, one way or the other.
Mrs Hughes: Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DRAWING ROOM - EVENING]
Edith: He thinks I don't know, but of course I do. We'll spend two weeks in Rome, then Florence, then Venice. So, I couldn't be happier.
[Edith smiths happily.]
Sybil: And what about Locksley? Is there masses to be done?
Edith: It's not too bad.
Mary: It's not too bad downstairs. The bedrooms are killers.
Isobel: Well, don't do anything too fast. It takes time to know how a house works.
[Edith smiles excitedly, and Sybil smiles with her.]
Violet: I really think you should go to bed. No bride wants to look tired at her wedding. It either means she's anxious or she's been up to no good.
[Edith sighs happily.]
Edith: I won't sleep a wink.
Sybil: Tonight or tomorrow?
Violet: Sybil, vulgarity is no substitute for wit.
[Edith chuckles.]
Sybil: Well, you started it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[O'Brien descends the stairs quickly and Molesley anxiously calls to her.]
Mr Molesley: Miss O'Brien, please understand I didn't mean any harm.
O'Brien: Well, why make it up in the first place?
Mr Molesley: I didn't make it up, I was told.
O'Brien: Who told you?
Mr Molesley: Well...Mr Barrow mentioned it, but I think it was an honest mistake.
O'Brien: No. It wasn't honest, and it wasn't a mistake. But don't worry about it, I can tell it wasn't your fault, Mr Molesley. So we'll forget about it, shall we?
[Molesley nods and starts to go into the servants' hall, but he stops when O'Brien continues talking.]
O'Brien: And when you see Mr Barrow, you can tell him that I may make some honest mistakes myself in the future.
[O'Brien enters the hall and Molesley stares after her in surprise. The servants stand around the table waiting for Carson to sit. He sits and they join him. O'Brien gives Thomas a dark look. Alfred sees Daisy standing at the table.]
Alfred: Why not sit down and eat with us?
Daisy: Oh, I couldn't do that.
Mr Carson: Daisy will not sit down because the invitation is not in your gift, Alfred. She eats with Mrs Patmore in the kitchen.
[Alfred looks at Daisy and she turns to leave.]
Alfred: Fancy a game or something later?
[Daisy and Mrs Patmore stop on their way out.]
Mrs Patmore: Oh, Daisy's busy.
Alfred: Anna?
Anna: I want to write a letter. Sorry.
Mr Molesley: I'll play.
Alfred: Let's see how I feel.
[Molesley's smile fades.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MARY AND MATTHEW'S BEDROOM - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary and Matthew are arguing in their pyjamas.]
Matthew: What do you mean you've read it?
Mary: I didn't think it was right to destroy a man's last words without reading them. I felt it was wrong.
Matthew: It wasn't your decision!
Mary: Well, I made it my decision! Do you want to hear what he says?
Matthew: No.
Mary: To start with, Lavinia must have written to him on her last day, only hours before she died.
Matthew: Well, that's nonsense. There was no letter found in her room.
Mary: Be that as it may, she wrote to him after she tried to persuade you to call off the wedding and you wouldn't.
Matthew: This is quite impossible.
[Mary scoffs and pulls the letter out from under her pillow, opening it.]
Mary: "She loved and admired you for this sacrifice of your own happiness and she commended you to my care."
Matthew: I can't listen to any more of this.
[Matthew turns around.]
Mary: You must. "I have few intimates, and so I've decided, in her name, to add you to my list of heirs."
[Matthew listens impatiently with his back to Mary.]
Mary: "I think it unlikely that I'll outlive both the first two, so there is little chance of your reading this letter, but if you do, and if the money has come to you, know it is with my full knowledge of what transpired. Please do not allow any grief, guilt, or regret to hold you back in its employment. God bless you, my boy. Reggie."
[Matthew is still unhappy and unsure. He turns to look at Mary, who is staring at him expectantly.]
Matthew: You sure you didn't write it.
Mary: I assume you know his hand.
Matthew: Not well enough to test a forgery.
[Matthew takes off his robe angrily, preparing for bed. Mary stares at him in shock, then looks away.]
Matthew: Besides, she couldn't' have written to him without our knowing.
[Mary just stares at the bed and Matthew's anger abates some.]
Matthew: I'm not accusing you of faking it.
[Matthew sits down to remove his slippers.]
Matthew: But I suspect someone has.
[Mary looks up at Matthew in disbelief.]
Mary: So it won't change your mind?
[Matthew thinks for a moment, then pulls the covers up roughly.]
Matthew: Not yet it won't.
[Mary looks away, then tosses the letter on the bed in irritation.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Carson knocks at the door and enters as Mrs Hughes is writing at her desk.]
Mr Carson: Time you were in bed. It's a big day tomorrow.
Mrs Hughes: I'll just finish this.
Mr Carson: Is there something I can do for you?
[Mrs Hughes shakes her head as she continues writing.]
Mrs Hughes: No.
[Mrs Hughes pauses for a moment as Carson turns to leave. She turns around.]
Mrs Hughes: Did you...say anything about me to Her Ladyship?
[Carson hesitates.]
Mr Carson: I don't know what you mean. Why?
Mrs Hughes: Don't worry. She was very kind and...I was touched. As you know, I don't worship them all, like you do.
Mr Carson: I wouldn't put it like that.
Mrs Hughes: But this time...I freely admit it. (voice breaking) I was quite touched.
[Mrs Hughes turns back to her desk and Carson exits.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary enters while the servants are eating.]
Mary: Am I interrupting?
[The servants all stand.]
Mary: No. Please. I just want to ask you all something.
Anna: Milady, I'm sorry I've not been up.
Mary: Don't worry. I'll change properly after luncheon. But I had to catch you when you were all together.
Mr Carson: How can we help, my lady?
Mary: It's a funny thing. Mr Crawley has heard that Miss Swire sent a letter on the day she died. If so, someone must have posted it for her, and we wondered if it were any of you.
[The servants all look at each other, but no one speaks up.]
Mr Carson: I'm afraid not. Given that the poor lady passed away that same day, an incident of this sort would have been reported to me or Mrs Hughes.
Mrs Hughes: That's right, milady.
Mary: I see. Well, thank you very much.
[Mary turns to leave and the servants sit just as Daisy enters with tray.]
Daisy: What were that about?
Anna: Lady Mary wanted to know if anyone posted a letter for Miss Swire.
Daisy: Oh, I did that.
Mr Carson: Daisy? What did you say?
[Mary re-enters and the servants stand back up.]
Daisy: Poor Miss Swire's letter. She'd written it and she asked me to put it into the box in the hall.
[Daisy turns to the stunned looking Mary.]
Daisy: Why?
Mrs Hughes: What were you doing in her room?
Making up the fire. We started talking and she said she'd written a letter. She was ever so nice. I still get sad when I think about her.
Mrs Hughes: And it didn't occur to you to tell me?
Daisy: Tell you what?
Mary: Never mind. I am grateful to you, Daisy. You cannot know how much.
[Mary smiles at Daisy.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LIBRARY - DAY]
Violet: Well, this is the last of them.
Robert: I'm glad they've hurried it, so she can be married from Downton.
Violet: Are you? I should've thought a little sober reflection would not have gone amiss.
[Robert checks his pocket watch.]
Robert: Mamma, let's try to be positive. Of all of them, Anthony Strallan is the most traditional choice.
Violet: Robert...Edith is beginning her life as an old man's drudge. I should not have thought a large drawing room much compensation.
Robert: Why dwell on that now ?
Violet: Because I want the pleasure of saying, "I told you so."
[Robert turns sharply and looks at her.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Carson and Mrs Patmore follow Mrs Hughes into her sitting room.]
Mr Carson: Now, the moment you feel tired, you're to tell me, and I'll take over whatever it is you're doing.
Mrs Patmore: Oh, will you now?
Mrs Hughes: Are you sure you want to come to the church? You could stay here and have a lie down.
[Mrs Hughes purses her lips, holding in her anger.]
Mrs Hughes: It would be so nice if people would wait to learn if I really am ill before boxing me up.
[Mrs Hughes puts on her coat.]
Mr Carson: I don't know what you mean. I don't know anything about any illness.
Mrs Hughes: Don't you? I see.
[Carson clears his throat and exits.]
Mrs Hughes: Who told him?
Mrs Patmore: I don't know. Maybe he just picked it up somehow. Erm, he's worried about you. He's a good man.
Mrs Hughes: He's a hopeless liar.
Mrs Patmore: Well, that's quite nice really, i'n't it?
Mrs Hughes: I've had a message from the doctor. He'll have the results tomorrow. I'm to call in the afternoon.
[Mrs Patmore nods.]
Mrs Patmore: Try not to worry.
Mrs Hughes: (sigh) I'll try, but I won't succeed.
[Mrs Hughes leaves. Mrs Patmore gives a worried sigh before following.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MARY AND MATTHEW'S BEDROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary looks at her appearance in the mirror. Matthew enters and Mary turns to Anna.]
Mary: That's it. I'll put the hat on later. Go straight to Lady Edith.
[Matthew looks Mary over. He's already dressed in his mourning coat.]
Matthew: You look marvellous.
Mary: I feel marvellous. That is, I feel marvellous because we don't have to leave Downton. Lavinia did write to her father...
[Matthew's expression falls.]
Mary: And it was posted from his house.
[Matthew's gloom disappears with curiosity.]
Mary: In other words, every word Mr Swire wrote in that letter was true.
[Matthew takes a breath and sinks into a chair to process this news.]
Mary: Daisy posted it. The kitchen maid.
[Matthew becomes a bit emotional.]
Matthew: I see.
Mary: Do you, my darling? I hope so. Because if you try to find one more excuse not to accept the money, I'll have to beat you about the head.
[Matthew's overwhelmed mood disappears with chuckling. Mary smiles down at him.]
Matthew: I see.
[Matthew takes another breath.]
Matthew: I do have one condition, however.
Mary: Make it a good one.
Matthew: Let's not steal Edith's thunder. I'll tell Robert after it's over and she's left on honeymoon.
[Mary smiles with happy relief.]
Mary: Now that I can live with.
[Matthew begins to smile. He stands up and they kiss each other on the cheek.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - DAY]
Cora: You look beautiful.
[Edith sighs happily.]
Edith: All of us married.
[Edith turns to look at her sisters.]
Edith: All of us happy.
[Edith looks at Sybil.]
Edith: And the first baby on the way. Why don't we get the photographer to take a picture of the three of us...when we get to the church?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON CHURCH - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Strallan looks pale and nervous as he stands at the altar.]
Violet: He looks as if he's waiting for a beating from the headmaster.
Reverend Travis: Do you think I should reassure him?
Violet: How? He's done it before, so he must be in possession of all the facts.
Reverend Travis: Perhaps the first Lady Strallan was a difficult act to follow.
Violet: Or a difficult one to repeat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON CHURCH - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[The photographer takes a photo of the sisters together in front of the church. Robert hurries forward, looking at his pocket watch.]
Robert: Well, fashionably late is one thing.
Mary: We're going in. Edith, I know we haven't always got along, and I doubt things change much in the future, but today, I wish you all the luck in the world.
[Edith smiles.]
Edith: Thank you.
[Mary kisses Edith on the cheek and goes inside. Edith takes a quick breath and Anna helps her with her train as she takes her father's arm.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWNTON CHURCH - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mary and Sybil walk to their pew. Robert hands his hat to an usher inside.]
Robert: Thank you.
USHER Very good.
[Mary and Sybil take their places and the guests stand at the organ begins to play. Edith and Robert begin to walk down the aisle and Strallan steps up to the altar with a grim look on his face. Cora smiles as Edith passes her. Edith steps up beside him all smiles.]
EDITH (whisper) Good afternoon.
SIR ANTHONY (whisper) Good afternoon, my sweet one.
[Strallan gives her a small smile. The guests watch with pleasant smiles. The music stops.]
Reverend Travis: Dearly beloved, we are gathered-
[Strallan looks up at the minister.]
Sir Anthony: I can't do this.
[Edith and Robert turn suddenly to Strallan and the guests murmur.]
Robert (sharp whisper): What?
[Strallan looks down at Edith.]
Sir Anthony: I can't do it.
[Edith's smile fades. Strallan looks at Robert.]
Sir Anthony: You know it's wrong. You told me so yourself several times.
Robert: My dear chap.
Sir Anthony: No. I never should have let it get this far. I should have stopped it long ago. I tried to stop it.
Edith: What are you saying? I don't understand what you're saying.
Sir Anthony: Edith...
[Strallan looks at the guests who are staring in shock. Strallan turns back to Edith in a lower voice.]
Sir Anthony: Edith, I can't let you throw away your life like this.
Edith: What do you mean? We're so happy, aren't we?
[Edith takes Strallan's hand.]
Edith: We're going to be...so terribly, terribly happy.
Sir Anthony: But you are going to be happy. I pray that you are. But only if you don't waste yourself on me.
[Edith looks into Strallan's eyes, mortified.]
Robert: Anthony, it is too late for this.
Reverend Travis: Might I suggest we all take a step back?
[Violet steps forward to Edith.]
Violet: No. Let him go. Let him go. You know he's right.
[Edith looks up at Strallan, her lip trembling.]
Violet: Don't stop him doing the only sensible thing he's come up with in months.
Sir Anthony: Thank you, Lady Grantham.
Edith: But...Granny...
Violet: No, no. It's over, my dear. Don't drag it out. Wish him well and let him go.
Edith: I can't.
[Edith is becoming more upset by the moment.]
Sir Anthony: Goodbye, my dearest darling. And may God bless you.
[Strallan leans close to her ear.]
Sir Anthony: Always.
[Strallan walks back up the aisle and Edith turns to him, but Violet holds her back.]
Violet: No. [?] sweetheart.
[The guests watch him leave. Mrs Hughes and Carson give him dark looks as he passes them. Cora and Violet lead Edith to the side door. The rest of the family reels from the shock, Sybil close to tears.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON CHURH - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Strallan walks quickly away from the church, ghastly pale and very upset. He passes the chauffeurs standing at the car.]
Chauffeur: Oh, look lively.
[The chauffeurs put on their hats and stand by. Strallan walks past the cars and continues on.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. GREAT HALL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Edith re-enters the house, crying in her wedding gown. Alfred turns around from pouring champagne and sees her retreating figure on the stairs. The rest of the family follows, the sisters going after Edith. Edith throws her veil over the stairs.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Edith walks in and goes straight to the bed to cry. She pulls the laurel tiara out of her hair and flops over on the bed in tears.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. GREAT HALL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Robert, Tom, and Matthew stand in the hall with Alfred.]
Robert: When everyone gets back, can you clear all this away? I want it gone before Lady Edith comes downstairs, flowers, glasses, everything. And ask the outside staff to help put back the carpet and the furniture.
Alfred: Yes, milord.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Cora, Mary, and Sybil enter to find Edith crying on the bed.]
Cora: Is there anything I could say to make it better?
Edith: No.
[Edith sits up and Cora sits next to her on the bed. Edith looks at her sisters.]
Edith: Look at them. Both with their husbands. Sybil pregnant, Mary probably pregnant.
[Sybil is crying.]
Edith: Oh, just go. I mean it, go!
Cora: Perhaps you should go.
[The sisters leave. Edith flops back on the bed with a new bout of tears. Cora leans over her and covers her hands with her own.]
Edith: Oh, Mamma.
Cora: You are being tested. And do you know what they say, my darling? Being tested only makes you stronger.
[Edith shakes her head.]
Edith: I don't think it's working with me.
[Edith cries more.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. GREAT HALL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[The servants clear away the champagne, the cake, the flowers, and re-lay the carpet in the great hall.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWNTON GROUNDS - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Robert walks across the grounds just outside the library, hands clasped behind his back, lost in thought. Matthew joins him.]
Matthew: What should we do now?
Robert: There's nothing we can do, beyond removing all signs of a wedding and holding her hand while she recovers. She will, of course.
[Matthew nods. Robert turns to look at the house.]
Robert: Meanwhile, it's time to face the business of leaving Downton. Without the wedding to hide behind, there's no reason not to get on with it, and astonish the world with the extent of my wretched failure.
Matthew: Actually...Mary and I intended to make an announcement...at dinner.
Robert: What announcement? What about?
Matthew: You don't have to leave.
[Robert looks at Matthew in confusion.]
Matthew: I'll explain it later, but...I'm going to give you Reggie's money. I'll accept it. And I'll give it to you.
[Robert stares at Matthew. He processes the offer for a moment with furrowed brows.]
Robert: Don't be silly. You're not going to give me any money.
Matthew: But I am. You don't want to leave. Nor does Mary. Nor do any of us, for that matter.
Robert: I still won't take your money.
[The gentlemen stand there for a moment and Robert looks up at the house.]
Robert: What I will allow is for you to invest in the place. If we stay, you'll share the ownership. It'll be your house, your estate, as much as mine. We will be joint masters.
Matthew: But...
Robert: And if you won't agree, I will sell, and it'll all be your fault.
[Matthew holds his breath for a moment, not entirely sure about the arrangement. Then he exhales with a smile. They shake hands affectionately.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - EVENING]
Daisy: I never thought I'd feel sorry for an earl's daughter.
Anna: All God's creatures have their troubles.
[Anna and Daisy take the wedding food off the serving trays.]
Daisy: Anna?
Anna: Yes.
Daisy: Do you think it's right that...women should say what they think? Speak out about romance and everything?
Anna: Well...things are changing for us, and the vote won't be long now. So I suppose they must get used to us speaking our minds, but...
Daisy: But what?
Anna: With most of the men I've ever met, if you started to court them, they'd be so terrified, they'd run a mile.
[Alfred enters and grabs something from a tray. He crunches on it as he exits and Daisy watches him with a slight smile. Anna smiles at Daisy knowingly.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DINING ROOM - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Dinner is very quiet.]
Isobel: Has she had something to eat?
Mary: Anna took up some sandwiches, but she didn't touch a thing.
Cora: That reminds me. Carson, I don't want Lady Edith to see any of the wedding food.
Mr Carson: Mrs Hughes and Anna are taking what's left down to Mr Travis tomorrow, my lady, for the poor.
Violet: If the poor don't want it, you can bring it over to me.
[Mary looks up at her grandmother in surprise.]
Matthew: How can we help Edith?
Isobel: You can help her by finding her something to do.
[Matthew's mouth twitches upward.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' HALL - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[The wedding delicacies fill the table.]
Alfred: Is this all we're getting? Just these pickety bits?
Thomas: Hardly. These are canapés, Alfred. For your first course, some truffled egg on toast, perhaps. Some oysters à la Russe.
Alfred: Then what?
Mrs Patmore: There's lobster [?] in [?] sauce. Or Calvados glazed duckling. Or do you fancy a little asparagus salad with champagne saffron vinaigrette?
Mrs Hughes: When I think how you've gone to such pains.
Mrs Patmore: Never mind me. What about the pain of that poor girl upstairs?
O'Brien: Jilted at the altar. I don't think I could stand the shame.
Thomas: Then it's lucky no one's ever asked you, isn't it?
[O'Brien just looks down.]
Anna: Poor thing. How will she find the strength to hold up her head?
Daisy: I swear, I'd have to run away and hide in a place where no one knew me.
Alfred: I think she's well out of it.
Mr Molesley: How can you say that?
Alfred: I mean it. She's young, she's not bad looking. She could do much better than that broken down old crock.
Mr Carson: Sir Anthony may have betrayed a daughter of this house, but he still does not deserve to be addressed in that manner by a footman.
Mrs Hughes: Oh, I think he does, Mr Carson. Every bit of that. And worse.
Mr Carson: Well, maybe just this once.
Mrs Patmore: Right. What's it to be? Lobster, duck, or asparagus?
Alfred: Is there any cheese, Mrs Patmore?
[Mrs Patmore's jaw drops at Alfred's crazy request. Carson purses his lips.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. LADY EDITH'S BEDROOM - MORNING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Anna enters. She picks up Edith's laurel tiara from the floor. Edith is lying in bed.]
Anna: What would you like me to get you?
Edith: A different life.
Anna: Let me bring you up some breakfast.
Edith: No.
[Edith sits up.]
Edith: I'm a useful spinster...good at helping out. That is my role. And spinsters get up for breakfast.
[Edith gets out of bed and Anna watches her sadly.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MRS HUGHES'S SITTING ROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Hughes buttons her coat. Carson knocks and enters.]
Mr Carson: Going out?
Mrs Hughes: Just into the village. I...have to fetch something.
Mr Carson: Can I help? I'm going down later.
MRS HUGHES (shakes her head) Thank you. This is an errand I have to do for myself.
[Mrs Patmore enters.]
Mrs Patmore: Ready?
Mr Carson: MRS HUGHES As ready as I'll ever be.
[Mrs Hughes braces herself, takes her purse and Mrs Patmore follows her out. Carson watches them leave with concern.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DOWTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Hughes stands stiffly, staring at the hospital across the street; Mrs Patmore waits next to her.]
Mrs Hughes: We can be sure of one thing. I won't be cured by standing here.
[Mrs Hughes walks forward and Mrs Patmore follows.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MR CARSON'S OFFICE - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Carson begins preparations for dinner, but he's distracted. He checks his pocket watch.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DOWTON COTTAGE HOSPITAL, WAITING ROOM - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mrs Patmore and Mrs Hughes wait for the doctor. The nurse opens the door.]
Mrs Patmore: Do y-
Mrs Hughes: No.
[Mrs Hughes stands up and Mrs Patmore nods.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. SERVANTS' CORRIDOR - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Thomas sees O'Brien walking toward him.]
Thomas: Everything all right, Miss O'Brien?
[O'Brien stops entering the kitchen and approaches him.]
O'Brien: Oh, yes. Everything's all right with me. But it'll be all wrong with you before too long, mark my words.
Thomas: Oh? And how is that, Miss O'Brien?
O'Brien: I don't know. Not yet. But it will be. You can be sure of it.
[Thomas watches O'Brien exit, slightly disturbed by her threats.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. KITCHENS - EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Mr Carson walks up to Mrs Patmore, who's still in her coat and hat.]
Mr Carson: Well?
[Mrs Patmore waits for an explanation.]
Mr Carson: Is it or isn't it?
Mrs Patmore: It's not cancer. No. It's a benign something or other, nothing more.
[Carson sighs with relief, then pauses secretively.]
Mr Carson: Don't mention that you've said anything. She doesn't know that I know.
Mrs Patmore: I won't say a word.
[Carson tries to exit stealthily. Mrs Patmore holds in her laughter with a smile. Mrs Hughes tip toes in behind her.]
Mrs Hughes: Did you tell him?
Mrs Patmore: I would prefer to say, I put him out of his misery.
[The two women grin at each other, silently laughing. Mrs Hughes exits the kitchen. She hears Carson humming. She sees him through the open office door, shining the silver enthusiastically with a cheery song. ]
Mr Carson: ♫ Dashing away with a smoothing iron. Dashing away with a smoothing iron. Dashing away with a smoothing iron, she stole my heart away. ♫
[Mrs Hughes laughs to herself, then holds in a happy sob.] | Plan: A: Edith; Q: Whose big day finally arrives? A: Strallan's age; Q: What does Edith's enthusiasm convince the family doesn't matter? A: Mrs Hughes; Q: Who is anxiously awaiting Edith's results? A: Anna; Q: Who makes a breakthrough to help Bates? A: Mary; Q: Who takes matters into her own hands to secure the estate's future? A: the personal cost; Q: What could be high for Mary if she takes matters into her own hands? Summary: Edith's big day finally arrives, but will her enthusiasm convince the family that Strallan's age doesn't matter? Meanwhile, Mrs Hughes anxiously awaits her results, Anna makes a breakthrough to help Bates, and Mary takes matters into her own hands to secure the estate's future - but the personal cost could be high. |
"The Passage, Part 1"
(Morning. Sark drives his convertible down a winding road. From behind, Sydney drives up. She passes him. Their vehicles are parallel. They look at each other. The two of them continue driving and stop at a clearing up ahead. They both get out of their vehicles.)
SARK: Are you here to wish me luck being my first day on the job or are you convinced I might reveal to Sloane that you conspired to kill him?
SYDNEY: I'm here to remind you what I hope is obvious but I don't want to overestimate your intelligence. If you burn me, I burn you.
SARK: Sydney, I couldn't reveal to Sloane that you conspired to kill him without also revealing my involvement. Of course, I never had any intention of going through with it. I simply needed to gain his trust.
SYDNEY: You know what I think? You're just a dog looking for a new master.
SARK: No need to worry, Sydney, we're colleagues now.
(She walks back to her vehicle.)
SARK: I'll see you at the office.
(Self-storage building. Sydney and Jack meet.)
SYDNEY: Sloane wouldn't agree to partner with him unless Sark made it worth his while. Do you have any idea what they're after?
JACK: Given the scope of Sark's previous contacts and operations, he could be offering almost anything. What concerns me more is that your mother knew we were double agents before she turned herself in. She may have told Sark.
SYDNEY: I'll find out.
JACK: Before you do, consider this -- two months ago she surrendered to the CIA. Yesterday, Sark made a back-door agreement with Sloane that places him inside SD-6. Do you belive that's just a coincidence?
(SD-6 conference room with Dixon, Sydney, Sloane, Jack and Sark.)
SLOANE: As you know, Mr. Sark surrendered to us last week. After an extensive debriefing with McCullough, we've concluded he can provide us with credible intel. Enough, in fact, to warrant an immunity deal in exchange for his cooperation.
DIXON: Sir, I believe this decision is a critical mistake. This man has murdered hundreds of people for profit. We should not set the precedent of granting immunity to a terrorist no matter what he says he has to offer.
SLOANE: Yes, well, I understand your frustration, Agent Dixon, but I believe that Sark's cooperation will save more lives than he's taken.
SYDNEY: I'm with Dixon on this.
SLOANE: We have developed a strategy to address your concerns. Jack.
JACK: In order to maintain Sark's value as an informant, his contacts must not be aware that he's turned himself in. Beginning today, whenever Sark leaves this office a security section team will double as his private detail to ensure that he doesn't violate his agreement with us.
(Marshall enters.)
MARSHALL: I, uh, I'm sorry I'm late.
SLOANE: Marshall Flinkman, technical operations officer.
(Marshall looks at Sark.)
MARSHALL: Hi. Welcome. Don't kill me.
SARK: Look, I understand that none of you are inclined to believe a word I say but I assure you, it's not in my best interest to betray you. You've given me an opportunity of a lifetime, and I don't intend to squander it.
(Irina's cell. Sydney visits her mother.)
IRINA: So that's how Sloane and Sark have presented their new partnership.
SYDNEY: No one at SD-6 likes it but they all believe it. I need to know if you've ever told Sark that I'm a double agent.
IRINA: Sydney, no.
SYDNEY: You saved Vaughn's life. I'm grateful to you for that but I haven't made up my mind yet if I should trust you.
IRINA: And yet here you are. I never told Sark about your status as a double agent, Sydney. That doesn't mean you're safe. Tell me, what intelligence has he provided Sloane?
(Flashback to the conference room.)
SLOANE: Zoran Sokolov. A freelance mercenary who's had extensive dealings with Mr. Sark.
SARK: Yes, he frequently offers me the chance to purchase intelligence before he brings it to the black market. Recently he asked me if I'd be interested in obtaining a set of communication codes used by Uzbekistan's ground forces along the border.
SLOANE: If we don't obtain those codes Sokolov will sell them to extremist rebels hiding in neighboring Tajikistan. With those codes, they can track Uzbek troop movements and plan terrorist attacks. This would gravely destabilize our allies in Asia. Sydney, you and Dixon will make contact with this Sokolov. Posing as Sark's associates, you will purchase the codes and bring them here.
(Back to Sydney's meet with Irina at her cell.)
SYDNEY: We both know Sloane doesn't care about preserving stability in Asia so my question is why does he want those communication codes so badly?
IRINA: I'm going to ask you to give me something you have no reason to give. I'm going to ask for your faith. You have to convince your superiors to let me leave this place.
SYDNEY: What?!
IRINA: For forty-eight hours.
SYDNEY: Are you serious?
IRINA: I'll agree to a special forces escort.
SYDNEY: Why?
IRINA: I cannot tell you that.
SYDNEY: Go where?
IRINA: If you do not trust me, I cannot help you later.
SYDNEY: What are those codes for?
IRINA: I'm trying to help you--
SYDNEY: How am I going to sell this?
IRINA: --but I must be allowed to do it MY way.
SYDNEY: Yeah, well, it's asking too much!
(BANG! Irina bangs against the glass.)
IRINA: I cannot give you details because I don't trust the CIA. They almost had me executed two weeks ago. The only way for me to maintain my value is to tell you only what you need to know in order to stay ahead of Sloane. And all you need to know now is that if I'm not allowed to leave, everything you've worked to accomplish will be lost.
(Upstairs in the ops center, Kendall, Vaughn, Sydney and Jack.)
KENDALL: Agent Bristow, you're asking me to get Irina Derevko a forty-eight hour--
SYDNEY: I'm asking you to consider it.
KENDALL: But you can't tell me why.
SYDNEY: She won't say why.
KENDALL: Sloane tasked you to acquire Uzbekistan's ground force communication codes. And how does success or failure risk what we've been--
SYDNEY: My mother's clearly worried about something else. Some unintended consequence that we can't predict.
VAUGHN: Sir, thus far, Derevko's intel has been right one hundred percent of the time.
SYDNEY: We didn't catch this woman. She turned herself in.
(Kendall looks at Jack but he doesn't say anything.)
SYDNEY: She's agreed to be escorted by a special forces team and wear a tracking device. She will not get away.
KENDALL: Jack, you've been awfully quiet.
JACK: I'm sorry. When it comes to Irina Derevko, my judgment's proven to be... impaired.
KENDALL: Well, I would like your opinion.
JACK: Perhaps they're right. Perhaps releasing her is worth the risk to satisfy our curiosity.
KENDALL: Well, hell, when you put it that way, the answer's definitely no. If Irina Derevko wants out of here, she's going to have to tell us more. Otherwise, you're to proceed as planned. Agent Vaughn will give you your countermission.
(He leaves.)
SYDNEY: Thanks. You told Kendall your judgment wasn't to be trusted and then agreed with me to reinforce his doubt.
JACK: Kendall's ego predisposes him to favor decisions in which he is overruling others. You argue your way, I'll argue mine.
(He leaves.)
VAUGHN: Your countermission's simple. You'll dead drop a copy of the codes when you get back from Uzbekistan so we can figure out what they're really for.
SYDNEY: (nods) I have to go pack.
(Sloane's office. Sark stands with his back to Sloane, watching a surveillance monitor of the other agents walking about.)
SARK: I must admit, this is one of the most impressive operations I've seen. Though it is a touch pathetic how so many of them believe they actually work for the CIA.
SLOANE: Look at me. You've offered me a substantial prize to make our partnership worthwhile, but do not think for a second that gives you the right to insult my people.
SARK: I apologize.
(He turns and sees a monitor focusing on Sydney at her desk, drinking out of a coffee mug.)
SARK: I had a run-in with Sydney Bristow this morning. She may be the only one who suspects I haven't in fact turned myself in.
SLOANE: I've been a presence in Sydney's life since she was born. Sydney will believe whatever I tell her to.
SARK: And her father? He must often battle the temptation to tell her the truth about SD-6. I'd hate to see Jack's paternal instincts compromise our objectives. So, for the time being, I wouldn't tell him what those codes are really for.
(Sloane's phone rings.)
SLOANE: Yeah?
WOMAN: Sir, a call's been routed to you through Credit Dauphine.
SLOANE: Take a message.
WOMAN: He says it's regarding your wife.
SLOANE: (to Sark) That will be all.
(Sark leaves.)
SLOANE: Put him through. I want you to record this call.
(A click.)
SLOANE: Hello?
DISTORTED VOICE: We have your wife, and, yes, she's alive. You will provide us with the account numbers for all SD-6's investments or the Alliance will be informed that you failed to carry out her execution.
SLOANE: Offer me proof that she's alive. Until then, know this: as soon as I hang up the phone I will use every available resource to find out who I'm talking to and when I do, it will be my sincere pleasure to make your acquaintance.
(In Uzbekistan, Sydney and Dixon meet with Sokolov.)
SOKOLOV: So, um... you work for Sark. Tell him I'm insulted he didn't come here personally.
DIXON: We'll make sure he gets the message.
(Sokolov lights a match and takes a hit off his pipe.)
SYDNEY: Mr. Sokolov, we're on a schedule. Do you have the codes?
SOKOLOV: Do you have the money?
(Dixon drops a briefcase on the table. Sokolov opens it, sees the money, and puts the briefcase by his side. He drops a black briefcase on the table. Dixon goes to open it.)
SOKOLOV: Wait. The codes are on a computer in this case. The case, before I stole it, belonged to a colonel in the Uzbek army. What I didn't realize when I made the offer to Sark is thaT without the colonel's fingerprint the case cannot be opened without detonating a self-destruct mechanism inside. Boom!
SYDNEY: Are you telling us you cannot deliver what you've promised us?
SOKOLOV: Please. I wouldn't have asked you to come all this way without a solution to this little problem. I have arranged for Colonel to be someplace tonight where you can take his prints.
DIXON: How exactly did you do that?
(Sokolov takes another hit. Deeply inhales.)
SOKOLOV: I had him assassinated.
(He winks and then giggles.)
(At an army morgue, Dixon and Sokolov walk in wearing Uzbek army fatigues pushing a stetcher with a body bag on top. They talk to the two guards. Dixon unzips the body bag to show the guards what they have. Inside is Sydney, wearing her own set of Uzbek army fatigues, with a fake bullet hole on her forehead and looking very blue and dead. Dixon signs some forms and the guard wheels Sydney's dead body on the stretcher inside the morgue. Dixon nods and goes to the truck with Sokolov. They drive off. Outside, Dixon comes to a stop in an alley and he and Sokolov climb in the back of the truck. Dixon types on his laptop.)
SOKOLOV: Are you in yet?
DIXON: That microchip you gave me is not exactly state of the art. It's still reading morgue records off the central server.
(The guard writes on a tag inside the morgue. He shuts off the lights and leaves. Sydney opens the body bag and breathes deeply, looking around.)
SYDNEY: Okay, Dixon, I'm in.
DIXON: Me, too, Sydney. Stand by. (to Sokolov) What was Colonel's name?
SOKOLOV: Vasili Kabilov.
DIXON: Sydney, you're looking for Vasili Kabilov. ID tag C16.
(Upstairs, the guard comes back to the main office.)
GUARD1: (speaking Uzbek) Where are the woman's papers? I need to log her into the system.
(Guard2 apologizes and goes back down.)
(Sydney starts looking, grabbing toe tags off nearby dead bodies to see if it's the colonel. She opens doors, looking at more tags. She finally opens a larger door and sees an older man on a slab. She looks at the tag, and it's C16. She takes out the keypad for the fingerprint and tries to get his frozen, dead hand onto the pad. She can't separate his fingers to do it. She grabs his hand and breaks it, puts it down on the pad. It shines green, authenticating. Guard2 comes in. Sydney looks up. He sees the clipboard that he needs but also sees that the body bag is empty and on the floor. He takes out a gun and his walkie talkie.)
GUARD2: (speaking Uzbek) David, the body's gone.
(He aims his gun and starts looking. Guard1 comes in.)
GUARD2: (speaking Uzbek) Check the freezer.
(Guard2 points his gun and opens the door. Sydney pushes the colonel's slab out and knocks one of them out of the way. She kicks Guard1, punching him. She throws him against the wall. The other guard comes from behind and grabs her. She jumps up, putting her feet on a slab and pushes back, knocking him against the wall. She jumps down, grabs a door to a slab and knocks him out.)
(Out in the hallway, Sydney is now wearing one of the guard's hats to cover her bullet hole in the head with her hair tucked underneath. Two guards come her way.)
SYDNEY: (speaking Uzbek) Check the morgue!
(She runs out. Dixon drives up and not recognizing her with the hat, aims his gun at her through his window.)
SYDNEY: Dixon, don't shoot! It's me!
DIXON: Get in!
(She does and they drive off.)
(In a parking garage in LA, Will and Vaughn meet up.)
WILL: I know. Sydney told me about Project Christmas, about how it was developed to identify future spies and now you're worried because you think the Russians might have used it to recruit American children back in the '80s?
VAUGHN: About that--
WILL: The thing is, I think there might be something to your theory.
VAUGHN: Really?
WILL: Remember those weird test questions you gave me, the ones that the KGB developed? I found them. I found them integrated into a series of standardized tests that were administered here in 1982.
VAUGHN: How many kids took that test?
WILL: Five million.
VAUGHN: Well, look, I didn't think Devlin -- my superior -- would mind me having you research this, but he did and he ordered me to let you go.
WILL: Hold on. Wait a second. There's something here. Okay, look, I'll narrow the test scores down to a small group of kids. Now Devlin won't be able to deny the value of that.
VAUGHN: He thinks since you're a journalist, since you've been trained to report what you know, that you're a security risk.
WILL: Don't sweat it.
VAUGHN: Here's what I owe you. There's seven hundred in there.
(Will looks at the hundred dollar bills in the envelope Vaughn gives him.)
WILL: I didn't work that many hours.
VAUGHN: Seriously, I don't know how you did it so fast. I told you to take your time.
WILL: Thanks, but, um, my time's all I expect to get paid for.
(He gives back some of the cash.)
VAUGHN: All right.
(The next morning, Sydney is in her room going through some papers, sitting on her bed. Will stands at the doorway.)
WILL: Hey.
SYDNEY: Hey.
WILL: What's wrong?
SYDNEY: Nothing.
WILL: Nothing?
(She shakes her head.)
WILL: Nothing's wrong? Syd... if we just met, I would know something's wrong.
(She pauses, wanting to talk. He comes in and sits on her bed. In the distance, their phone rings. Knowing that Francie will be occupied answering it, she talks.)
SYDNEY: Do you remember Mr. Sark?
WILL: Do I remember the guy who shot me with a tranquilizer? The guy who had me tortured in Taipei?
SYDNEY: He's working with SD-6. I can't tell you any more than that.
WILL: You've seen him? You're working with him?
SYDNEY: I have to make him think I am.
WILL: That little British cocky son of a bitch is in LA?
(Francie enters, phone up to her ear.)
FRANCIE: Hey, Syd, I'm on-line with the spa. Did you want to get a Swedish or a Shiatsu massage?
SYDNEY: Uh...
FRANCIE: You have to reschedule.
SYDNEY: Believe me, there is nothing I would rather do than spend a day with you at the spa. How about next week?
FRANCIE: Next week's great. But I am still gonna go tomorrow.
(She smiles and walks out.)
WILL: Okay, I want to kill that Sark guy.
SYDNEY: I know.
WILL: No, this is gonna drive me insane, you know that.
SYDNEY: Will, you asked me to tell you.
WILL: I know I did. I just didn't know it was going to be a nightmare.
SYDNEY: He's almost killed me, too.
WILL: I know, but you get to do something about it, you know? I mean, yeah, you get to go off and be sneaky and ultimately destroy the guy.
SYDNEY: What about your work with Vaughn?
WILL: Vaughn sort of fired me. (nods)
(Self-storage meet with Sydney and Vaughn.)
SYDNEY: The CIA's just going to ignore everything Will found out?
VAUGHN: Actually, when Devlin heard that five million American first graders took a standardized test that may have been doctored by the KGB, he sent Will's research to the FBI.
SYDNEY: And?
VAUGHN: We're still waiting for the results. That's the second time Will's come through for us, I wish there were more I could do for him, I really do. He's a good guy.
SYDNEY: Thanks.
(She turns to walk out.)
VAUGHN: Syd...
(She stops. He takes off his silver watch.)
VAUGHN: This watch belonged to my father. It's broken now, but it used to keep perfect time. And when he gave it to me, he said, "You could set your heart by this watch." It stopped October 1st -- the day we met.
(Sydney opens her mouth to respond when her pager goes off. Right away, Vaughn's goes off as well.)
VAUGHN: Kendall.
SYDNEY: Me too.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At the ops center, Jack and Kendall look at surveillance footage. Sydney and Vaughn walk in.)
SYDNEY: What's going on?
JACK: We just heard from analysis about the codes you acquired in Uzbekistan. Sloane and Sark gave us a half-truth. The codes are Uzbek but they have nothing to do with troop communications.
SYDNEY: What are they for?
KENDALL: They're the control codes for six portable nuclear warheads that the Uzbeks have admitted and defense intelligence has confirmed went missing six months ago.
SYDNEY: SD-6 is in possession of six nuclear weapons?
JACK: No. This morning Sark electronically messengered the codes to an unknown third party. We couldn't trace the link.
VAUGHN: And all we know about them is that they're working with Sloane and Sark?
KENDALL: Why did Sloane keep you in the dark on this?
JACK: I don't know.
SYDNEY: This is what my mother was talking about. We should have listened to her.
KENDALL: Well, if she was so concerned about helping us stay ahead of SD-6, she could have told us what was at stake.
(Down at Irina's cell, Jack, Sydney, Kendall and Vaughn.)
IRINA: And what would you have done? Given Sydney false control codes to hand over to SD-6? Sark may have known the difference and she would have been exposed as a double agent. I wasn't willing to risk her life that way.
KENDALL: Do you know where the nukes are?
IRINA: Yes, I do.
KENDALL: Where?
IRINA: I've spent the last thirty-six nights lying on a steel mattress.
KENDALL: And what the hell is that supposed to mean?
IRINA: It means I would appreciate a pillow and blanket.
KENDALL: Done. Tell us about the warheads.
IRINA: They're in Kashmir, under what used to be a maximum security prison camp. It's now the stronghold for a mercenary group -- The People's Revolutionary Front.
KENDALL: So Sloane and Sark have in fact partnered with this organization?
IRINA: It would appear.
KENDALL: Can you give us the prison camp's exact coordinates?
IRINA: Yes.
KENDALL: (to the others) I'm going to recommend to the defense department an immediate air strike. When the smoke clears we can dig the warheads out of the rubble.
IRINA: I wouldn't do that. Now that the PRF has the control codes, they may have set the warheads to detonate in the event of sabotage or a preemptive strike.
VAUGHN: What about sending in a commando unit?
IRINA: If they were familiar with the facility, I'd say it was a good idea.
SYDNEY: That's what you were planning on doing.
IRINA: Yes.
JACK: That's impossible to verify.
KENDALL: All right, Miss Derevko. You're going to lead us into that prison.
IRINA: Oh, no, I'm not. My offer expired the moment the detonation codes were acquired.
KENDALL: Do I have to remind you that your immunity deal is contingent upon your continued cooperation?
IRINA: I have cooperated, Agent Kendall. You didn't listen. Now, if you'd bring me my pillow and blanket...
KENDALL: No, you listen to me. I'm authorized to put you in solitary. You're lucky you have a view of this hallway!
SYDNEY: Agent Kendall... may I speak to my mother alone please?
(They leave. Jack lingers for a moment and then reluctantly leaves.)
IRINA: Sydney, I'm sorry.
SYDNEY: You said you didn't tell us the truth because you were trying to protect me, because you didn't want to risk Sark finding out that I was a double agent. The thing is, someone now has the ability to detonate six nuclear weapons and I am responsible. So I am going to be part of the team that finds and disarms those warheds no matter what you do. But if you were telling the truth when you said you wanted to protect me, then, Mom... I need your help.
(Irina tears up.)
(Upstairs, Sydney types at a computer. Jack approaches.)
JACK: You convinced your mother to go to Kashmir.
SYDNEY: I told her if she didn't lead the team to the warheads, I would. I handed those codes to SD-6.
JACK: Your guilt is unfounded. You were doing your job.
SYDNEY: I'm going, Dad. Defense approved it.
JACK: I am not about to let Irina Derevko near six nuclear weapons supervised only by you.
SYDNEY: Plane leaves in an hour.
(Jack walks inside Irina's cell holding a small box. She turns around and sees him with his back turned to her. He takes out a pretty silver necklace.)
JACK: Obviously you can't maintain your cover if you're shackled. So there are two things you need to know about this necklace. One, it's layered with C-4. If you remove it while it's armed, you'll break the circuit and it will detonate. And two, if at any moment I believe you're attempting to escape or sabotage us, I'll activate this remote trigger...
(He points to a small button on his watch.)
JACK: ...and blow your head off myself.
(Irina lifts her hair. Jack awkwardly steps forward and puts the necklace on her. Their faces inches apart, they stare at each other. She drops her hair. Sydney, Kendall, Vaughn and two other agents enter the cell. Jack steps away.)
KENDALL: All right, here's how this works. Derevko will detail your infiltration into the facility once you reach it. Until then, you have operational control.
(Jack nods.)
KENDALL: The unrest in Kashmir has caused both Pakistan and India to seal their borders so you'll board a train in New Delhi. There's a three-mile stretch of track that passes through the eastern tip of Kashmir. That's where you'll get off. Your gear will be planted in the baggage car.
VAUGHN: Once you're off the train you'll rendezvous with the CIA contact who will provide you with the op tech you'll need to infiltrate the facility.
SYDNEY: How did you clear this with Sloane?
JACK: I took care of Sloane.
KENDALL: There's a C-5 prepped and waiting at the Van Nuys airport. They'll escort you. Good luck.
(Jack looks at Irina. She looks at him. On their way out of the cell, Vaughn stops by Sydney.)
VAUGHN: I'll talk to you when you reach the contact.
(Jack walks out of the cell with Irina at his side. Sydney catches up. Together, the three of them walk down the hall and out of the cell.)
(On the plane to New Delhi.)
IRINA: Agent Vaughn has trouble sleeping when you're in the field.
SYDNEY: I doubt he told you that.
IRINA: He didn't have to tell me, I could see it in his eyes. I can see it in yours.
SYDNEY: Agent Vaughn is my colleague.
IRINA: You're so willing to take risks for your country. Why aren't you willing to do the same for your own happiness?
JACK: I hardly think you've earned the right to give anyone relationship advice.
IRINA: Jack, Sydney's smart and she's strong, but she's not happy.
SYDNEY: Okay, wait a second, this--
JACK: And after a twenty-year absence you've gleamed that from the cumulative half-hour you've spent in her presence?
IRINA: I knew it the moment I saw her. I'm her mother.
JACK: Your motherhood is a biological fact with no substantive value in Sydney's life!
SYDNEY: Hey! (to Irina) Stop baiting him. (to Jack) And stop being such an easy target. We're going to be traveling together for the next two days, you can't jump down her throat every time she opens her mouth.
(Irina smiles happily. Jack stares at the floor.)
(Park bench. Vaughn sits alone. Will comes up and sits down next to him, puts a magazine down.)
WILL: Hope I didn't pull you away from something too important.
VAUGHN: No, it's all right. What's up?
WILL: Look, except for you, Sydney, and Jack, everybody I know -- and a lot of people I don't -- they think I'm a lying junkie, okay? And helping you, doing something for the CIA, it felt like a chance to do something that mattered again, you know? Like, I don't know, maybe I went through all this crap for a reason.
VAUGHN: (re: the magazine) What is this?
WILL: I know you can't pay me, it doesn't matter. You're looking at forty names. Those are forty kids that got a perfect score on the standardized test that included the Project Christmas questions.
VAUGHN: How did you get this?
WILL: Between '80 and '85, Carnegie Mellon conducted a cultural bias study on standardized testing. Not only did they have the results, but they cross-referenced them by name and ethnicity.
VAUGHN: The FBI has been trying to narrow down a list of kids for as long as you have and so far they haven't come up with a single name.
WILL: That's probably because they don't know that the test records from '82 were missing from the testing service archives.
VAUGHN: What do you mean, they're missing? Who took them?
WILL: I don't know yet.
(At the New Delhi train, Jack, Irina and Sydney are at a counter getting their passports stamped by an official. Jack's wearing a moustache, Irina is in a blonde wig and Sydney is wearing her own curly blonde wig. The official looks at the passports of Andrew, Catherine and Sarah Godson. Jack smiles.)
OFFICIAL: What is the purpose of your visit to India?
JACK: Family vacation. We're touring the Kaziranga national park by train.
(Sydney plays with her hair and looks bored.)
SYDNEY: Not exactly a vacation when you're forced to go. No offense. Cute country.
IRINA: Honey, we agreed we'd spend Thanksgiving together.
SYDNEY: Yeah, before I found out all my friends were going to be in Miami.
JACK: Okay, we're not going to talk about this now. I do apologize.
OFFICIAL: Enjoy your stay.
IRINA: Thank you.
JACK: Thank you.
OFFICIAL: That is a lovely necklace you're wearing.
IRINA: An anniversary gift from my husband.
(She puts a hand on Jack's face and kisses him once, then twice, on the lips. He looks at her, stunned. Sydney looks at them, stunned.)
IRIAN: Thanks!
(She smiles at the official and they leave.)
(Saeed, the CIA contact, sits at a table outside. Cell phone rings.)
SAEED: Huh?
VAUGHN: I'm sorry, I was trying to call information.
SAEED: Perhaps I can help.
VAUGHN: Our team is en route. They'll be at the rendezvous at 2200.
SAEED: I understand.
(He walks away. A lady sitting nearby picks up her own cell phone.)
LADY SPY: (speaking Hindi) The CIA contact has been activated.
(On the train, an employee takes the Godson family to their cars for the night.)
EMPLOYEE: You miss, are in sleeper "G" and Mr. and Mrs. Godson, you are right next to her in sleeper "H." (Inside Sydney's room, she unzips her suitcase and takes out a black outfit. In their own sleeper, the employee brings Jack and Irina in their own room.)
EMPLOYEE: The rest of your luggage will be in the cargo hold.
JACK: Thank you.
IRINA: Thanks.
(Jack gives the guy a tip and he leaves. He locks the door behind him. Irina drops her bag. Jack looks at her. He unzips the suitcases and takes out a black outfit for her. Irina takes off her blouse and stands there in her bra. He turns to give her the outfit and stops abruptly. She smiles. He looks down at her lack of clothing and turns back to the other suitcase. Irina continues undressing and Jack takes out his black clothes.)
(In the cargo room, Sydney walks in without her wig, wearing all black, and hits a button on her remote activator. A large suitcase beeps and flashes red. She opens it and takes out three parachute packs. Jack and Irina enter, also without their disguises and wearing black. He opens the train door and leans out. The bridge is just up ahead. Once he's back in, Sydney throws him a pack. He gives it to Irina.)
JACK: That bridge is the point of no return. If you're lying about this, none of us will survive.
IRINA: I'd offer to go first but I don't want to be accused of trying to escape.
JACK: We go at the same time! Sydney, you follow.
IRINA: That's not safe. These winds are too strong, our chutes could get tangled. You go first.
JACK: I'm not letting you out of my sight! You go first.
IRINA: You'll have to trust me sometime!
JACK: Trust is the last thing you're getting from me!
IRINA: The only reason you know about the nukes is because of me. I want some respect.
JACK: We'll miss our window unless you jump!
SYDNEY: Shut up!
(Surprised, they both look at her. Sydney jumps. Jack grabs Irina by the arm and throws her out of the train. He then jumps, going last.)
(Down below on the ground, they pick up their chutes.)
JACK: I told you to follow us once we jumped.
SYDNEY: We were going to miss our window.
JACK: Sydney, I need to know I can count on you whether you agree with me or not.
SYDNEY: Okay.
(Irina walks up and points to a light being flashed at them.)
IRINA: There.
(Jack flashes his flashlight three times. They run up to the CIA contact.)
SAEED: Agent Bristow, so good to see you again.
JACK: It's been a long time, Saeed. This is my daughter, Sydney.
SAEED: Ah, your reputation is beginning to rival your father's.
SYDNEY: Nice to meet you.
JACK: Saeed Akhtar, Irina Derevko. She's assisting us on loan from FBI custody.
IRINA: Your last name's Akhtar, but your accent has a trace of Hindi.
SAEED: My mother is from Jammu.
IRINA: Your parents were brave to marry, knowing the prejudice they'd face.
JACK: Let's get moving.
(At the vehicle, Saeed shows Jack the op tech.)
SAEED: I have everything you need to infiltrate the prison camp undetected. MBGs, kevlar BDUs, encryption sat-comms, three pounds of C-4 charges, and a cryo-3 radiation detector to help you locate the nukes.
SYDNEY: How far away is the PRF stronghold?
SAEED: Nine hours. Outside Muzaffarabad.
(He gives them guns.)
JACK: None for her.
(Irina smiles and gets in.)
(Sloane's office. He's alone. An agent walks in holding a small box.)
AGENT: Sir, this was sent to the mail room. We scanned it for biological contaminates. It's clean.
(He takes the package and waves the agent away. Once he's alone, he takes off the paper and opens the box. Inside is a small leather box. He opens it. Inside is a woman's finger with a ring on it.)
(Driving down the road. Jack sees a light up ahead and as they get closer, they see that the road is entirely blocked off. Saeed stops the vehicle, confused. Jack, however, sees something.)
JACK: Back up.
SAEED: Jack?
JACK: Back up now!
(He puts it in reverse but it's too late. Men surround the vehicle with their guns cocked. The Bristows put their hands up. Jack and Saeed are yanked out of the vehicle. They put Jack on his knees on the ground and get Sydney and Irina on their knees next to him.)
SAEED: International aid workers here.
(One of them shoots Saeed and spits on his dead body. Sydney watches.)
PRF MAN: I am disgusted one of my own countrymen would assist the CIA. I assume you speak for your unit?
JACK: Yes.
PRF MAN: We know you're looking for the People Revolutionary Front. We thought we'd make it easy for you. Here we are. Is there something you'd like to tell us?
JACK: We'd like the warheads you've acquired.
PRF MAN: I'm sure.
(He speaks to another guy who is by their truck. He opens the case. Irina and Sydney look over at Jack. Irina looks down at her necklace. He turns back to the men, knowing what she wants to do. He nods.)
PRF MAN: Thank you for the supplies.
(Jack, with his arms up, hits the trigger on his watch. Irina rips off the necklace. He motions to Sydney and she hits the ground. Jack elbows one of the men in the face, punching him. Irina throws the necklace at the men near the truck. Jack hits the watch, and the explosion goes off. Irina grabs a gun and starts shooting at the men. Sydney jumps up, gets a gun and starts shooting as well. Jack has his own machine gun. Side by side, the three Bristows shoot at the PRFs. They shoot back until most of them are dead. Sydney grunts, looks down at her arm and drops to her knees in pain. Irina bends down and looks, her gun still at her side.)
IRINA: Are you okay?
SYDNEY: It's just a scratch.
(Jack, standing behind Irina, cocks his gun.)
JACK: Drop it.
SYDNEY: Dad--
JACK: Quiet!
(Irina drops it.)
IRINA: Jack, we're in enemy territory and the PRF knows we're here. We need to start trusting each other right now.
JACK: You will not carry a weapon.
IRINA: Okay.
(Sydney checks her compass on her watch.)
SYDNEY: Looks like we're about twenty miles southwest of Azad.
JACK: We can contact the CIA station chief in Pakistan. He'll patch us through to Langley on a secure line.
IRINA: We should make it by dawn.
(The three of them walk away from the burning car and the dead PRFs.) | Plan: A: their differences; Q: What must Sydney, Jack and Irina put aside to go undercover as a loving family? A: a loving family; Q: What do Sydney, Jack and Irina pretend to be in order to seize nuclear warheads? A: an abandoned facility; Q: Where are the nuclear warheads in Kashmir? A: Sloane; Q: Who announces to a suspicious staff that Sark will be working with SD-6? A: an unknown group; Q: Who claims Emily is still alive? Summary: Sydney, Jack and Irina must put aside their differences and go undercover as a loving family in order to seize six nuclear warheads from an abandoned facility in Kashmir. Meanwhile, Sloane announces to a suspicious staff that Sark will be working with SD-6, and later he is contacted by an unknown group claiming that Emily is still alive. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Y'all stay down and quiet.
Cutter: Hoo-hoo! Looks like Christmas come early.
[ Police radio chatter ]
Doyle: Good day, gentlemen.
Raylan: Doyle.
Tom: Chief.
Doyle: I know you two don't hold the local PD in the highest regard, but y'all find anything or need a hand, y'all let me know.
Tell me who hired you to hit that bus.
Cutter: It was your brother Dickie.
Doyle: I just found out you two are responsible for hijacking a shipment of oxy, and I got to kill two morons to keep your asses out of jail? You know who that bus belonged to?
Dickie: The boys up in Frankfort.
Doyle: Yeah, that's right.
Dickie: I ain't afraid of Frankfort.
Doyle: What about if mama found out? You afraid of mama?
Kyle: I came here to offer you something. I should have come clean at the mine. I know who you are.
Boyd: You don't know anything about me.
Kyle: Wait a second, will you? Turn that engine off. Aah! Jesus Christ!
Boyd: Jesus Christ. We can talk about him, pal. Aah!
[ Indistinct talking ]
[ Music slows ]
Dickie: Looks like we got company.
[ Music stops ]
Raylan: Loretta McCready.
What brings you up this way?
Loretta: Might ask you the same question.
Doyle: Raylan, what's this all about? Come up for a little Sunday dinner?
Raylan: Well, you know how the job is, Doyle.
Doyle: Yeah.
Raylan: Nights and weekends is when all the good stuff happens.
Doyle: [ Chuckles ]
Raylan: Task force never rests.
Doyle: Task force?
Raylan: What, they didn't, uh... Well, I'm sure they'll be contacting you directly.
Doyle: Well, task force or no, you're stepping outside yourself, showing up at my family home, aren't you? Raylan Givens, uninvited don't mean unwelcome, Doyle. You missed lunch, can I fix you a plate?
Raylan: Oh, no, I'm fine. But I did bring you something.
Mags: Ooh! Apple pie.
Raylan: Of course, it don't compare to your home brew.
Mags: Be a new batch soon. I'll set you back a jar with your name on it.
Raylan: I appreciate that. I also got some things here for the kids, if it's all right. Oh, come here, guys. Marshal's service is big on trinkets. Go ahead and take one. There you go. And that there is Eastern Kentucky's official marshal's coin.
Loretta: How much is it worth?
Raylan: It's not for spending, just collecting.
Doyle: "Justice is coming." Huh.
Mags: Uh, Doyle, you take Loretta on, and you entertain the kids. Grown-ups need to chew the fat here. Go on now.
Loretta: Yes, ma'am.
Mags: Go on, all of you. You too, Doyle. Way she tells it, you saved her life.
Raylan: Well, looks like there's a lot of us looking after her these days.
Mags: What's that they say? Takes a village?
Raylan: Something like that. Might we have a word, Mags? Of course you're all welcome to listen. Don't mind them. What's on your mind? Wondering if you know of a man with the name of Bobby Lawton? Name doesn't ring a bell. Fellow who got killed on that Oxy bus few days back. Turns out he was a foot soldier for the Dixie Mafia out of Frankfort. Dixie Mafia, Lord... That sounds like a mighty dangerous outfit. And they've been known to be, yeah... Such that, hittin' their drug pot line ain't something we imagine that these hijackers would have undertaken on their own initative. I believe your boy Doyle inquired as to who they work for. Yeah, I asked them... They drew down on me. Right, had no choice but to put them down. That's about right. Well, one of the hijackers, named Elrod Platt, we got his cellphone records. Week before the hijacking show he had numerous conversations with Dickie. Yes he did speak to Dickie, I spoke to Elrod about buying an ATV for the business.
Raylan: We may never be able to prove otherwise. But I want you to know that I know what's going on... out of respect.
Dickie: Mama, I swear...
Mags: Shut it! Marshal, you know I deal a little weed.
Raylan: Mm-hmm.
Mags: And man of your age, you can't tell me you hadn't smoked a little reefer.
Raylan: I can't.
Mags: And you know my position on oxy and meth and the rest.
Raylan: As you've stated it, yes, ma'am.
Mags: And yet you find it acceptable to come in here and bust in on my family dinner, asking if I've had a hand in robbing a bus full of sh1t from a bunch of Frankfort peckerwoods.
Raylan: Mags, I never asked if you robbed that bus.
Mags: No, no, no. You're just being all clever, insinuating without asking. Trying to stir things up... that it?
Raylan: You tell me, Mags. Is it working?
Mags: Let me ask you something, Raylan.
Raylan: Fire away.
Mags: Why do you care so much?
Raylan: I'm sorry?
Mags: Come on, now, child. Gonna sit there on my lumber and tell me this has got nothing to do with the history between our families? With why my boy there hasn't walked right for the past 21 years?
Raylan: Frankfort mob gonna come over that hill bringing hell with them because of that bus. They'll stay till they've bled this county white. Whatever our family history, Mags... that's why I care.
Mags: Sure I can't fix you a plate?
Raylan: No, thank you.
Mags: How about some dessert?
Raylan: Nice of you to offer. You all enjoy the rest of your supper, hmm?
Mags: Why didn't you tell me?!
Doyle: I had nothing to do with it.
Mags: Oh, other than shooting a couple of assholes to keep them from talking!
Doyle: Yeah, well, that.
Dickie: Look. I thought this was a good deal. I did. And I know how you feel about Oxy, but the thing is... I don't give a sh1t what you think! What I do give a sh1t about are our bigger plans, which do not need a federal marshal snooping around!
Dickie: So... what are we gonna do about Raylan Givens?
Doyle: What do you mean?
Dickie: Wha... what do I mean? I think she wants us to kill him.
Doyle: Have you not been listening?
Coover: Yeah. She said she didn't want him snooping around.
Dickie: That's right.
Doyle: You have any idea the federal shitstorm we'd bring down if we killed a marshal? We're talking black hawk-helicopter time. Jesus.
[ Sighs ]
I don't want either of you two doing sh1t or even contemplating doing sh1t until you run it by someone who can think.
[ Sighs ]
♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
[ Knock on door ]
Boyd: It's open.
Is the music too loud?
Ava: Little bit. What are you reading?
Boyd: "Of Human Bondage."
Ava: I don't know that.
Boyd: Yeah, I just started.
Ava: Little stuffy in here.
Boyd: I don't mind.
Ava: It's nicer out on the porch. Wigs are popular again. Starting to cut into business, although there was this one woman yesterday... She wanted me to add curls to hers. She brought it in on a foam head, put it up in my chair, like it was a real person. You believe that?
Boyd: That's something.
Ava: She didn't tip for sh1t, either. I hate doing wigs.
Boyd: You know, I always wondered what I'd look like with long hair.
Ava: [ Chuckles ] That is a funny image, Boyd.
Boyd: I'm serious. I thought if I had long hair, I might be the lead singer in a rock band.
Ava: [ Chuckles ]
Boyd: I love music.
Ava: Well, can you sing?
Boyd: No. No, I can't sing... not a lick. But my grandmother, she could sing. She would sing out in the backyard, and I'd sit and listen to her. It calmed me.
Ava: Well, life is long.
Boyd: Yeah.
Boyd: Ava, you best go inside.
Ava: Friends of yours?
Boyd: Go on in and lock the door. Stop right there. I'm afraid I owe you an apology. What I did to you was uncalled for. It's just that I get confused in my head whenever I think about such painful things.
Kyle: [ Laughs ] It's all right, Boyd. It ain't what we're here for.
Boyd: What are you here for?
Kyle: You know my buddy Pruitt. Feels real bad about how he talked to you at the mine. This is Marcus. Here you go. Hey, thanks. Later's got a hard-on for you. sh1t. Hey. You know what this chart is dawg? Service law. You were scheduled to service the main bathroom last night. Bathroom? Nobody likes to mop up piss and sh1t homes, think I don't know that? I must have misread, I did kitchen duty instead. Well that's one hell of a screw up. Ok, I'll get on it right now. No sit down. But if you want me, We're not done til I say we're done. Sit. You're a good homeboy, so I'm gonna walk it out. I snorted, shot, drank, grundled, and douched more junk before I was 30 than Rick James did in his lifetime. And I'm still kicking. You want to know why? Because I am the stair master. Yeah, I climb all 12 steps dozens of times, every day.
Clinton: And that's admirable.
Olander: You skipped out on your responsibilities. And now there's a price to pay. You need to make an inventory, and I want you to make amends.
Clinton: Okay, all right. There are no excuses, all right?
Olander: Oh, I know. And that's why I canceled your day pass. Now, I want you to go upstairs, work on your self-appraisal, and be at the 3:00 meeting.
Clinton: Don't do that. I got some real big...
Olander: I know about your plans. You'll have to reschedule for next week.
Clinton: It won't be his birthday next week.
Olander: This is a baby bitch slap. If I was really upset, I'd yank your chain all the way back to correction.
Clinton: Bullshit!
Olander: Ding-dong! You just earned yourself a 30-day-pass suspension. You can use the month to work on your lack of respect! Now get out of my office. Now! Mr. Arnett, this is Deputy Marshal Raylan Given. Not our first tango. Raylan, you just have a seat. How do you take your coffee? Oh, no nothing for me thank you. Well, the usual for me Yvette, make two in case the Deputy changes his mind. You want a Locké? Mr. Arnett likes Locké. Oh, he'll have a nudge... Ok. Is that Piper Van Winkle? Yeah, Frankfort's own. This particular concoction is a private single barrel made especially for me. Takes the edge of those bitter beans. Thank you. You're welcome. Just give me a buzz if you need anything. Oh you know I will. Okay.
Raylan: Are you wearing pants?
Arnett: I like to maintain my creases. Stay sharp.
Raylan: Oh. I suppose there's no reason to get up. Hoping to have a civil discussion, avoid the gunplay that erupted last time I saw you.
Arnett: Yes, that was unfortunate. But, you know, it's because of that wild day that I agreed to this meeting.
Raylan: Is that right?
Arnett: Quite frankly, I owe you one. You advised Gary to sign over that mall property to me.
Raylan: That's not why I'm here.
Arnett: I sold that property, and I took the money, and I invested in foreclosures. So when the market bounces back, I'm gonna be managing a multimillion-dollar fortune in Kentucky bluegrass.
Raylan: So you are legitimate now. The Frankfort branch of the Dixie mafia has lost its best wheeler-dealer.
Arnett: You believe in the Dixie mafia, I got me a toy factory in the North Pole you should invest in.
Raylan: Mmm. Does Yvette know about any of the sh1t you did before real estate?
Arnett: Oh, Yvette has no interest in my past. Makes her so special.
Raylan: Oh. And what about the new associates? Do they know your résumé?
Arnett: Are you blackmailing me?
Raylan: No, this is just good, old-fashioned leverage.
Arnett: Well, putting aside that you've jumped to some rather scandalous conclusions about me, I can absolutely assure you you're talking to the wrong guy here.
Raylan: Who should I be talking to?
Arnett: You might try the guy who tried to kill me on that wild day.
Raylan: Wynn Duffy?
Arnett: I hear he's taken over some management responsibilities with a certain organization I have no interest in being affiliated with.
Raylan: That doesn't even exist, anyway. Well, if you talk to him... and I'm gonna assume you will... will you tell him that oxy bus he lost down in Harlan? He should just write that off. If he goes down there, chopping off limbs, I'm gonna personally turn him inside out. Would you tell him that for me?
Arnett: Well, as I said...
Raylan: Would you tell him that for me?
Arnett: If I talk to him.
Roxanne: Oh, dear lord!
Olander: [ Moaning ]
[ Coughs ]
Roxanne: Was it Vinnie?
Clinton?
Olander: Clinton.
Roxanne: Do I call the police or the marshals?
Olander: No, we're not calling anybody.
Roxanne: What?
Olander: I'm gonna bring him back.
[ Groans ]
I know where he's going.
[ Telephone rings ]
[ Knock on door ]
Gary: Hey.
Winona: Hi.
You still do that before you show a house?
Gary: What, vanilla on foil? Of course. Ten minutes at 350, smells like fresh cookies baking.
[ Chuckles ]
You know, every room in the Biltmore mansion was connected to the kitchen, so anyone staying there would wake to the smell of...
Winona: Fresh bread, yeah. I know.
Gary: Told you that before, huh?
Winona: Once or twice.
Gary: [ Chuckles ] Well, thanks for coming by.
Winona: Listen, Gary. Raylan told me that you talked and what you said.
Gary: Huh. I didn't think he'd do that.
Winona: I just want you to know that anything that happened with us happened after you moved out, okay?
Gary: Thank you for that. But the truth is, you wouldn't have gone back to Raylan if I hadn't screwed up.
Winona: Yeah, why did you do that, Gary? Why did you tell him that you were gonna try and get me back?
Gary: I wanted him to know. Oh, it wasn't because you wanted me to know? Well, I was hoping you already knew. Winona, I love you. I have never stopped. And I do want you back, simple as that. Well, how you plan on doin' that Gary? You know, fixin' everything that happened. Restoring that trust, cause I tell you what, it's gonna take more than foyle and vanilla. Yeah well, that's why I asked you to come over. Now I know, the only way to restore trust is to be dead straight honest. Not hide anything I might wanna hide. Alright, so what is it? We need to get a divorce. Hey, what's goin' on? A call came in from a receptionist at the half-way house where my brother-in-law Clinton was assigned for parole. Apparently Clinton beat the sh1t out of his program manager and took off.
Raylan: Your brother-in-law is on parole?
Rachel: Long story.
Art: The receptionist sat on her ass for over an hour before she called it in.
Tim: The program manager told her not to. He said he knew where Clinton was headed, and he wanted to bring him in himself.
Raylan: Does the receptionist know where he's headed?
Tim: Nope.
Rachel: It's my nephew, Nick... Clinton's son... it's his birthday. I'm guessing he'll make a beeline toward Nick's school. You already put a BOLO out on him?
Art: Nah, I figured since he's your brother-in-law, I'd just let it slide.
Rachel: We'll need a team to lock down Nick's campus.
Art: Absolutely, but you won't be taking lead.
Rachel: Chief...
Art: No. You just get Nick, and you bring him back here. Raylan, you set up and wait.
Raylan: Hey, how much of a bad guy is her brother-in-law? "Heads in a duffel bag," or just an asshole?
Art: He killed her sister.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Engine stops ]
Clinton: Flex.
Flex: Ahh!
You look good.
Clinton: Been a long while, bro.
Flex: Better than last time I saw you.
Clinton: Can we spit?
Flex: Get in.
Clinton: Cool.
[ Clears throat ]
Flex: You better not be looking to score. I'm out of the trade.
Clinton: Okay.
Flex: I'm becoming a magician, like that "Mindfreak" guy.
I'm gonna be the first big, badass black magician. Learning all the basics on YouTube. I can do sh1t with a coin would make your eyes pop out.
[ Laughs ]
Clinton: You got a name for your act?
Flex: Just Flex.
Not "The Amazing Flex" or none of that sh1t. Just Flex. Got muscle and attitude. How you been? You look clean.
Clinton: I quit after I copped to the truth.
Flex: You ain't looking to score, what you out here for?
Clinton: I got this here for my little man. It's his birthday.
Flex: What is that?
Clinton: Before I went in, this here is all he ever wanted. That and go to Billy the Kidzone. It's like Chuck E. Cheese... Pizza, games... only with cowboys.
Flex: How old's your boy?
Clinton: 12 today.
[ Laughs ]
Anyhow, I got to go pick him up from school today. Catch a ride?
Flex: No can do. I got errands.
Clinton: Okay. Spot me $100. I got to be at man o' war before 3:00. Won't make it fooling around on that bus, you know.
Flex: Strict policy, chief. I don't loan out money.
Clinton: $75... I get you right back.
Flex: This conversation's done. Get out.
Clinton: Do me a solid, man. I'm trying to go get my boy. This is bullshit, man. It's real bullshit! Since when did you become such a pussy?!
Flex: Since you became a bitch. Get your ass out. Get yo hands off me! Get yo hands off me!
Flex: Hey, hey! Aah! God! sh1t! Come back here! Hey! You hurt my hand!
[ Door creaks ]
Boyd: Can I leave the door open?
Ava: Open's good.
What are you gonna tell them? I heard the whole thing. Don't even bother lying about it.
Boyd: Well, I wasn't gonna lie to you about it. And... I'm gonna tell them no.
Ava: That's not what you said last night.
Boyd: Well, I said I'd think about it.
Ava: You know I won't tolerate criminal activity.
Boyd: Well, I have no interest in that.
Ava: Then why didn't you just say no when they asked?
Boyd: I was being polite.
Ava: Polite?
Boyd: Polite. Ava, you have my word. You have a good day. Suspect approaching... black Chevy Chevelle with racing stripes.
Raylan: U.S. marshals! I work with your sister-in-law, Rachel Brooks. Your son is in a safe place.
Clinton: Just came to give my boy a gift.
Raylan: Give it to me. I'll see he gets it. Now I need you to shut off your car...
[ Gunshot ]
Nice car.
[ Indistinct talking ]
Nick: Here's one for you.
Rachel: Huh?
Nick: I found you a husband.
Rachel: Are you on a dating site?
You were supposed to be playing solitaire. Hmm. It's funny. I know, he's old and he's white, but he get's out in three years.
Raylan: Hey, Winona.
Winona: Raylan.
Raylan: You okay?
Winona: Yeah, I'm fine. Why, do I not look okay?
Raylan: Well, you look, uh... It's just. I got to...
Winona: I'm not okay.
Raylan: I'm sorry.
Winona: For what?
Raylan: Whatever I did or didn't do.
Winona: Why do you assume that when I'm upset, I'm upset with you?
Raylan: You're usually upset with me.
Winona: That's true.
Raylan: Hmm.
Winona: Gary asked me to his office. He said we need to get a divorce.
Raylan: Wonderful. I mean, I'm so sorry.
Winona: He only said it because our mortgage is upside down. We owe more on the house than what it's worth.
Raylan: I know what "upside down" means.
Winona: Okay. I guess he figures that if we get a divorce, then I can give him the house in the agreement, and then he's the only one who's gonna be dragged under in all this, and that would make me feel guiltier than sh1t, because the only reason we have this great, big house is because I wanted one.
Raylan: He's a damn genius. He suggests divorce, knowing you'd feel too guilty to follow through. Well-played, Gary.
Winona: What are you talking about?
Raylan: He's just trying to show you he's a good guy.
Winona: And somehow being a good guy is underhanded?
Raylan: He's just trying to win you back.
Winona: I still don't see why that's such a big problem.
Raylan: How much you need to keep the house?
Winona: Why? Is that gonna be your big play to win me?
Raylan: I have savings.
Winona: Oh. How much?
Raylan: $800, $900, easy.
Winona: [ Laughs ]
Raylan: I really should go.
Winona: Okay.
Raylan: What's up, Nick?
Nick: I have a bunch of these already.
Raylan: Well, now you got one more. What are you doing?
Nick: Finding Rachel a husband.
Rachel: Nick, go get a soda.
Nick: You're gonna end up bitter and alone.
Rachel: You let Clinton get away.
Raylan: You take this call?
Rachel: Five minutes ago.
Raylan: What's he want?
Rachel: I don't know. I took down the number. Be grateful for that. Anything on the partial?
Art: The only Chevelle with those letters belongs to a drug dealer...
Rachel: Look no further.
Art: ...By the name of Ralph Beeman. Goes by the name of Flex. I put out a BOLO on him. Anything from your mother?
Rachel: No. I tried calling. There's no response. I'm heading there now.
Art: Do you want to go there? Or do you need to go there? You honestly think I wanna cap my brother-in-law?
Art: Raylan, go with her.
Raylan: You want me to shoot him? Just reading his file here. How did he, uh...
Rachel: Kill my sister?
Raylan: Mm-hmm.
Rachel: Driving while high. Wrapped their miata around a telephone pole. Shawnee went through the windshield.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Rachel: Ma, open up!
[ Doorbell rings ]
Ma! Ma!
[ Muffled shouting ]
Diana: He kept saying he wanted my car.
I said I flushed the key.
Rachel: Did you?
Diana: No, but it sounded good.
Rachel: And then you started shooting.
Raylan: You should spend time at the range.
Rachel: She has.
Diana: Almost clipped his arm a couple times, just trying to keep him from leavin'
Raylan: He took your gun?
Diana: And my extra clip. Rachel, honey, I want you to promise me, you catch him, you won't shoot him.
Rachel: You just tried to shoot him yourself.
Diana: I was just trying to keep him still. You're the one who wants to kill him.
Rachel: Why does everyone think I'm so hell-bent on killing him?
Diana: I know you blame him, but he...
Rachel: Of course I blame him.
Diana: He wanted to help her.
Rachel: [ Laughs ] Help her?
Diana: Clinton tried to save Shawnee's life.
Raylan: Okay.
Diana: She overdosed.
Rachel: This man tied you down in your own home, and now you're defending him.
Diana: I am not defending him! I'm trying to explain him!
[ Cellphone rings ]
He was taking Shawnee to the emergency room when they crashed.
Raylan: Okay. Givens.
Diana: Clinton's got problems, but he loved your sister.
Raylan: Where?
Rachel: Loved her enough to pump her with poison.
Raylan: On our way.
Diana: She was addicted before she met him. You know that.
Raylan: [ Clears throat ] Clinton called the office looking for you. Wants to make a deal.
Clinton: [ Groans ]
Sophie: Another coke?
Clinton: Why stop at four?
Sophie: Want me to bring this back in the kitchen, warm it up?
Clinton: Sure. I should have waited to order, anyhow.
Sophie: Oh, someone's running late, huh?
Clinton: Yeah. He and his aunt better hurry up, or he ain't getting his birthday present. Ain't that right Furbat? I don't know why this thing speaks Chinese.
[ Singing in Chinese ]
Clinton: [ Laughs ]
Olander: Clinton!
What are you doing? Billy the Kidzone.
Olander: Come on. We're going.
Clinton: I don't think so. I told you it's my boy's birthday.
Olander: Well, he ain't here. Sophie? Can I see I you for a moment?
Sophie: Just a second. Can I get you anything? Right now or you're fired!
Sophie: Okay! Mr. Cranky Pants needs a chocolate bar. I'll be right back.
Olander: Let's go.
Clinton: You didn't get the impression I was serious this morning? I'd kindly give you another go-round, that's what you want.
Olander: You want to threaten me, smart guy? Beat me down again? I'm here to help, asshole. I'm giving you another chance.
Clinton: Why?
Olander: I don't run the house for the fun of it, Clinton. It's what I believe in. It's what I do. It's why I didn't call the police.
Clinton: That's all right, 'cause I just did.
Olander: What?
Clinton: Oh, sh1t.
Flex: Who is he?
Olander: Who am I? Who are you?
Flex: I'm an associate of none of your goddamn business. You gotta be kiddin' me. Yeah, that's right we got some sh1t to talk about. And that piece you got underneath, just put it up on the table, slow... I conversate best when I'm nice and relaxed. Let me tell you something slick, whatever this is about, we can do it the easy way ain't that right Clinton? Shut up Olander. Yeah man shut up, go play Donkey Kong. I'm an officer of the law, put the gun down. You moved to the top of my list real fast. We're adults, we're gonna talk this through. We dont need guns. Do you have any idea of the ramifications of what you did? I was gonna be a Magician, you dick! How the hell am I supposed to do magic with this hand now? I'm not! That's the answer! I'm not. Your punk ass could'a gave me a ride.
Flex: This is my fault now?
Olander: He's right, Clinton. We don't blame other peo...
Flex: Where's my car?
Clinton: I ain't got it, bro.
Flex: See, Clinton, that's the wrong answer. What you're supposed to say is, "of course you don't see it out front, Flex, since I parked it in the back." But you... you didn't say that.
Clinton: I ditched it.
Flex: Where? 'Cause I had a whole shitload of dope tucked into the panels of that car. Which hand you jack off with?
Tim: U.S. marshals! No one move!
[ Gunshot ]
Rachel: Don't shoot!
Clinton: Get back! Get back!
Rachel: Clinton.
Clinton: [ Panting ]
Where's my son?
Rachel: You honestly thought I'd bring him here?
Clinton: I need to see my son!
[ Panting ]
I just... I just wanted to give him his gift.
[ Distorted singing in Chinese ]
Clinton: sh1t.
Get back!
Rachel: Don't shoot.
Clinton: You don't come any closer.
Rachel: Don't shoot. Is this how you want Nick to remember his 12th birthday? His father shooting an innocent man?
Tim: Get up!
Clinton: I loved your sister.
Rachel: So did I.
Art: Why do I have the office where the deputies shoot people?
Raylan: Nothing wrong with this one.
Art: Meaning that there are things wrong with the other ones you've done?
Raylan: Tell you the only thing wrong with this shooting. She reacted faster than I did.
Art: You're getting old.
Raylan: Not as old as you.
Art: And you're a dick. I'll talk to her tomorrow. But you're gonna have to walk her through the process. - Okay. I will. I hope this doesn't affect her ambitions.
Art: I do, too. She's the best marshal I've got.
Raylan: You realize I'm sitting right here?
Art: I do. How'd it go in Frankfort?
Raylan: Arnett swears he's out of the game. Pointed me to the man who used to be his gun thug, Wynn Duffy. I also got a call from Dewey Crowe's lawyer.
Art: Concerning?
Raylan: Says Dewey knows about some sh1t going down in Harlan that might be worth our while.
Art: And what do you think?
Raylan: Knowing Dewey? Bullshit.
Clinton: Look at you, boy. Growing all tall and getting muscles. You shaving yet?
Nick: I'm 12.
Clinton: [ Sighs ] I got this for you.
Nick: Thanks.
[ Door closes ]
Clinton: You know what that is?
Nick: A Furby?
Clinton: Furbot.
It's a cheap knockoff. It only spoke Chinese.
Nick: Chinese? How's it work?
Clinton: It doesn't. Somebody shot it.
Nick: Who would shoot Furby? What did he ever do to anybody?
Clinton: [ Laughs ]
Nick: Can I keep it?
Rachel: If you want.
Nick: What's this stain here? Is that chocolate?
Clinton: No. That's... That's blood.
Rachel: When I was Nick's age, before my father's cancer, I thought we were the Cosbys. My parents had good jobs. There was a feast on the table, after church on Sundays. Shawnee and I would ride our huffys around the neighborhood. We had good hair and made straight A's. Except, as my mother reminds me, that wasn't reality. The jobs weren't all that good, and my father was never a happy man, even before he got sick. And Shawnee was smoking pot at 9 and running away to smoke heroin at 15.
Raylan: I never bore any illusions that my family was the Cosbys.
Art: Your family wasn't funny.
Tim: At least you got to shoot your father. Mine had the nerve to die before I got back from basic with skills and a loaded weapon.
Raylan: You didn't miss much. I thought it was gonna be way more fun than it was.
Raylan: You heading out?
Rachel: In a minute.
Raylan: I'll wait.
Rachel: Don't.
Raylan: You having any second thoughts about the shooting?
Rachel: Not really.
Raylan: You will. But if you ever have any serious doubts, ask me. I'll tell you. You did what had to be done.
[ Keyboard clacking ]
[ Door opens and closes ]
Rachel: [ Sniffles ]
[ Buzzer ]
Boyd: Hey, Ezekiel.
Kyle.
Kyle: You didn't think you'd get to leave without seeing me, did you?
Boyd: I thought about your request and must politely decline.
Kyle: What are you talking about?
Boyd: Well, as I've made myself abundantly clear, I'm no longer in that line of work.
Kyle: You ain't even heard the scheme yet.
Boyd: Right now I know nothing about anything and I'll stick to that. Your share alone, is $40.000.
Boyd: You're wasting your time.
Kyle: That doghole pays people in cash at the end of every shift.
Boyd: No more than $20,000 at any one time precisely for this reason.
Kyle: Oh, you notice, huh?
[ Clears throat ]
Well, what would you say if somebody had a friend who worked for the armored-car company who could provide engine trouble four days running, stalling deliveries so there would be $80,000 cash at one time?
Boyd: Then I'd say there's still no way to get down off this mountain without getting caught.
Kyle: What if there's a way not only you not get caught but get treated like a hero... Like one of those miners down in Chile? | Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Who is Raylan's sister-in-law? A: the case; Q: What does Raylan have to make sure Rachel's emotional involvement doesn't affect? A: a nefarious opportunity; Q: What is Boyd approached with? A: Bennett; Q: What family begins to grow paranoid of Raylan's detective work? Summary: Rachel's recently paroled brother-in-law is on the run, and Raylan has to make sure Rachel's emotional involvement doesn't affect the case. Meanwhile, Boyd is approached with a nefarious opportunity, and the Bennett family begin to grow paranoid of Raylan's detective work. |
Tell them all to stop. For how long? Until I command them otherwise. You're learning to talk like a Queen. Not a Queen. A Khaleesi. Lord Snow here grew up in a castle spitting down on the likes of you. Everybody knew what this place was, but no one told me ... no one but you. The Khaleesi have baby inside her. It is true. Her belly start to swell. I need to ride to Qohor. What did Aaerys Targaryen say when you stabbed him in the back? He said the same thing he'd been saying for hours ... "burn them all." My brother instructs us to stage a tournament in honor of Lord Stark's appointment as Hand of the King. This tournament is an extravagance we cannot afford. I'm leaving this morning. My job is out there. I won't let you down. You're not going. Here, a man gets what he earns when he earns it. I don't take orders from savages or their sluts. I don't want my brother harmed. Mormont, kill these Dothraki dogs! We've come to a dangerous place. We must protect ourselves. Ah! We allow the Northerners too much power. A good King knows when to save his strength and when to destroy his enemies. So you agree... The Starks are enemies? Everyone who isn't us is an enemy. Do you know whose dagger this is?
Littlefinger: I do. Tyrion Lannister's...
The imp.
♪ Game of Thrones 1x04 ♪ Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things Original Air Date on May 8, 2011
Old Nan: The little Lord's been dreaming again.
Theon Greyjoy: We have visitors.
Bran Stark: I don't want to see anyone.
Theon Greyjoy: Really? If I was cooped up all day with no one but this old bat for company, I'd go mad. Anyway, you don't have a choice. Robb's waiting.
Bran Stark: I don't want to go.
Theon Greyjoy: Neither do I. But Robb's Lord of Winterfell, which means I do what he says and you do what I say. Hodor! Help Bran down the hall.
Tyrion Lannister: I must say I received a slightly warmer welcome on my last visit.
Robb Stark: Any man of the Night's Watch is welcome at Winterfell.
Tyrion Lannister: Any man of the Night's Watch, but not I, eh, boy?
Robb Stark: I'm not your boy, Lannister. I'm Lord of Winterfell while my father is away.
Tyrion Lannister: Then you might learn a lord's courtesy. So it's true. Hello Bran. Do you remember anything about what happened?
Maester Luwin: He has no memory of that day.
Tyrion Lannister: Curious.
Robb Stark: Why are you here?
Tyrion Lannister: Would your charming companion be so kind as to kneel? My neck is beginning to hurt.
Bran Stark: Kneel, Hodor.
Tyrion Lannister: Do you like to ride, Bran?
Bran Stark: Yes. Well, I mean I did like to.
Maester Luwin: The boy has lost the use of his legs.
Tyrion Lannister: What of it? With the right horse and saddle, even a cripple can ride.
Bran Stark: I'm not a cripple.
Tyrion Lannister: Then I'm not a dwarf. My father will rejoice to hear it. I have a gift for you. Give that to your saddler. He'll provide the rest. You must shape the horse to the rider. Start with a yearling and teach it to respond to the reins and to the boy's voice.
Bran Stark: Will I really be able to ride?
Tyrion Lannister: You will. On horseback you will be as tall as any of them.
Robb Stark: Is this some kind of trick? Why do you want to help him?
Tyrion Lannister: I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things.
Robb Stark: You've done my brother a kindness. The hospitality of Winterfell is yours.
Tyrion Lannister: Spare me your false courtesies, Lord Stark. There's a brothel outside your walls. There I'll find a bed and both of us can sleep easier.
Theon Greyjoy: Couldn't resist some northern ass? If you like redheads, ask for Ros.
Tyrion Lannister: Come to see me off, Greyjoy? Kind of you. Your master doesn't seem to like Lannisters.
Theon Greyjoy: He's not my master.
Tyrion Lannister: No, of course not. What happened here? Where is lady Stark? Why didn't she receive me?
Theon Greyjoy: She wasn't feeling well.
Tyrion Lannister: She's not in Winterfell, is she? Where did she go?
Theon Greyjoy: My lady's whereabouts...
Tyrion Lannister: My lady? Your loyalty to your captors is touching. Tell me, how do you think Balon Greyjoy would feel if he could see his only surviving son has turned lackey? I still remember seeing my father's fleet burn in Lannisport. I believe your uncles were responsible?
Theon Greyjoy: Must have been a pretty sight.
Tyrion Lannister: Nothing prettier than watching sailors burn alive. Yes, a great victory for your people. Shame how it all turned out.
Theon Greyjoy: We were outnumbered 10 to one.
Tyrion Lannister: A stupid rebellion then. I suppose your father realized that when your brothers died in battle. Now here you are, your enemy's squire.
Theon Greyjoy: Careful, Imp.
Tyrion Lannister: I've offended you. Forgive me, it's been a rough morning. Anyway, don't despair. I'm a constant disappointment to my own father and I've learned to live with it. Your next tumble with Ros is on me. I'll try not to wear her out.
Jon Snow: Leg, shoulder, leg. Left foot forward. Good. Now pivot as you deliver the stroke. Put all your weight behind it.
Grenn: What in seven hells is that?
Pyp: They'll need an eighth hell to fit him in.
Alliser Thorne: Tell them your name.
Samwell Tarly: Samwell Tarly, of Horn Hill. I mean, I was of Horn Hill. I've come to take the black.
Rast: Come to take the black pudding.
Alliser Thorne: Well, you couldn't be any worse than you look. See what he can do.
Samwell Tarly: I yield. Please, no more.
Alliser Thorne: On your feet. Pick up your sword. Hit him till he finds his feet. It seems they've run short of poachers and thieves down south. Now they send us squealing bloody pigs. Again, harder.
Jon Snow: Enough! He yielded.
Alliser Thorne: Looks like the b*st*rd's in love. All right then, lord Snow, you wish to defend your lady love, let's make it an exercise. You two. Three of you ought to be sufficient to make lady piggy squeal. All you've got to do is get past the b*st*rd.
Jon Snow: Are you sure you want to do this?
Grenn: No. Yield yield yield! I yield.
Alliser Thorne: We're done for today. Go clean the armory. That's all you're good for.
Pyp: Well fought!
Grenn: Piss off.
Samwell Tarly: Did he hurt you?
Jon Snow: I've had worse.
Samwell Tarly: You can call me Sam... If you want. My mother calls me Sam.
Jon Snow: It's not going to get any easier, you know? You'll have to defend yourself.
Grenn: Why didn't you get up and fight?
Samwell Tarly: I wanted to. I just couldn't.
Grenn: Why not?
Samwell Tarly: I'm a coward. My father always says so.
Jon Snow: The Wall's no place for cowards.
Samwell Tarly: You're right. I'm sorry. I just... Wanted to thank you.
Grenn: A bloody coward. People saw us talking to him. Now they'll think we're cowards too.
Pyp: You're too stupid to be a coward.
Grenn: You're too stupid to be a...
Pyp: Quick now, before summer's over.
Grenn: Come on here!
Jorah Mormont: Vaes Dothrak. The city of the horselords.
Viserys Targaryen: A pile of mud. Mud and sh1t and twigs - best these savages can do.
Daenerys Targaryen: These are my people now. You shouldn't call them savages.
Viserys Targaryen: I'll call them what I like, because they're my people. This is my army. Khal Drogo is marching the wrong way with my army.
Daenerys Targaryen: If my brother was given an army of Dothraki, could you conquer the Seven Kingdoms?
Jorah Mormont: The Dothraki have never crossed the Narrow Sea. They fear any water their horses can't drink.
Daenerys Targaryen: But if they did?
Jorah Mormont: King Robert is fool enough to meet them in open battle, but the men advising him are different.
Daenerys Targaryen: And you know these men?
Jorah Mormont: I fought beside them once, long ago. Now Ned Stark wants my head. He drove me from my land.
Daenerys Targaryen: You sold slaves. Why?
Jorah Mormont: I had no money and an expensive wife.
Daenerys Targaryen: And where is she now?
Jorah Mormont: In another place, with another man.
Doreah: Your Grace?
Viserys Targaryen: Yes, my dear?
Doreah: They call you the last dragon...
Viserys Targaryen: They do.
Doreah: You have dragon's blood in your veins?
Viserys Targaryen: It's entirely possible.
Doreah: What happened to the dragons? I was told that brave men killed them all.
Viserys Targaryen: The brave men didn't kill dragons. The brave men rode them. Rode them from Valyria to build the greatest civilization this world has ever seen. The breath of the greatest dragon forged the Iron Throne, which the Usurper is keeping warm for me. The swords of the vanquished, a thousand of them... melted together like so many candles.
Doreah: I have always wanted to see a dragon. There is nothing in the world that I would rather see.
Viserys Targaryen: Really? Why dragons?
Doreah: They can fly. And wherever they are, just a few flaps of their wings and they're somewhere else... Far away. And they can kill. Anyone or anything that tries to hurt them gets burned away to nothing... melted... like so many candles. Seeing a dragon would make me very happy.
Viserys Targaryen: Well, after 15 years in a pleasure house, I imagine just seeing the sky makes you happy.
Doreah: I was not locked in. I have seen things.
Viserys Targaryen: What have you seen?
Doreah: I've seen... A man from Asshai with a dagger of real dragonglass. I've seen a man who could change his face the way that other men change their clothes. And I've seen a pirate who wore his weight in gold and whose ship had sails of colored silk. So... Have you seen one?
Viserys Targaryen: A pirate ship?
Doreah: A dragon.
Viserys Targaryen: No, the last one died many years before I was born. I'll tell you what I have seen: their skulls. They used to decorate the throne room in the Red Keep. When I was very young, just 3 or 4, my father used to walk me down the rows and I'd recite their names for him. When I got them all right, he'd give me a sweet. The ones closest to the door were the last ones they were able to hatch and they were all stunted and wrong. Skulls no bigger than dog skulls. But as you got closer to the Iron Throne... They got bigger and bigger and bigger. There was Ghiscar and Valryon, Vermithrax, Essovius, Archonel, Meraxes, Vhagar... And Balerion the Dread... whose fire forged the Seven Kingdoms into one.
Doreah: What happened to the skulls?
Viserys Targaryen: I don't know. The Usurper had them smashed to powder, I expect. Scattered to the wind.
Doreah: That's very sad.
Viserys Targaryen: Yes, it is. What did I buy you for? To make me sad?
Doreah: No, your Grace. To teach your sister.
Viserys Targaryen: To teach my sister how to be a better lover? You think I bought you to make Khal Drogo happy? You pretty little idiot. Go on then. Get on with it.
Septa Mordane: Someday your husband will sit there and you will sit by his side. And one day, before too long, you will present your son to the court. All the lords of Westeros will gather here to see the little prince...
Sansa Stark: What if I have a girl?
Septa Mordane: Gods be good, you'll have boys and girls and plenty of them.
Sansa Stark: What if I only have girls?
Septa Mordane: I wouldn't worry about that.
Sansa Stark: Jeyne Poole's mother had five children, all of them girls.
Septa Mordane: Yes, but it's highly unlikely.
Sansa Stark: But what if?
Septa Mordane: If you only had girls, I suppose the throne would pass to Prince Joffrey's little brother.
Sansa Stark: And everyone would hate me.
Septa Mordane: Nobody could ever hate you.
Sansa Stark: Joffrey does.
Septa Mordane: Nonsense. Why would you say such a thing? That business with the wolves? I've told you a hundred times... A direwolf is not...
Sansa Stark: Please shut up about it.
Septa Mordane: Do you remember your lessons? Who built the Iron Throne?
Sansa Stark: Aegon the Conqueror.
Septa Mordane: And who built the Red Keep?
Sansa Stark: Maegor the Cruel.
Septa Mordane: And how many years did it take to build...
Sansa Stark: My grandfather and uncle were murdered here, weren't they?
Septa Mordane: They were killed on the orders of King Aerys, yes.
Sansa Stark: The Mad King.
Septa Mordane: Commonly known as the Mad King.
Sansa Stark: Why were they killed?
Septa Mordane: You should be speak to your father about these matters.
Sansa Stark: I don't want to speak to my father, ever.
Septa Mordane: You will find it in your heart to forgive your father.
Sansa Stark: No, I won't.
Janos Slynt: It's the Hand's tournament that's causing all this trouble, my Lords.
Eddard Stark: The King's tournament. I assure you the Hand wants no part of it.
Janos Slynt: Call it what you will, Lord Stark Ser, the city is packed with people and more flooding in every day. Last night we had a tavern riot, a brothel fire, three stabbings and a drunken horse race down the Street of Sisters.
Varys: Dreadful.
Renly Baratheon: If you can't keep the King's peace, perhaps the City Watch should be commanded by someone who can.
Janos Slynt: I need more men.
Eddard Stark: You'll get 50. Lord Baelish will see it paid for.
Petyr Baelish: I will?
Eddard Stark: You found money for a champion's purse, you can find money to keep the peace. I'll also give you 20 of my household guards till the crowds have left.
Janos Slynt: Thank you, my Lord Hand Ser. They will be put to good use.
Eddard Stark: The sooner this is over, the better.
Varys: The realm prospers from such events, my Lord. They give the great a chance at glory, and the lowly a respite from their woes.
Petyr Baelish: And every inn in the city is full and the whores are walking bow-legged.
Eddard Stark: I'm sure the tourney puts coins in many a pocket. Now... If there's nothing else, my Lords?
Grand Maester Pycelle: This heat. On days like this, I envy you northerners your summer snows. Until tomorrow my Lord.
Eddard Stark: I've been hoping to talk to you about Jon Arryn.
Grand Maester Pycelle: Lord Arryn? His death was a great sadness to all of us. I took personal charge of his care, but I could not save him. His sickness struck him very hard and very fast. I saw him in my chambers just the night before he passed. Lord Jon often came to me for counsel.
Eddard Stark: Why?
Grand Maester Pycelle: I have been Grand Maester for many years. Kings and Hands have come to me for advice since...
Eddard Stark: What did Jon want the night before he died?
Grand Maester Pycelle: He came inquiring after a book.
Eddard Stark: A book? What book?
Grand Maester Pycelle: I fear it would be of little interest to you, my Lord. A ponderous tome.
Eddard Stark: I'd like to read it.
Grand Maester Pycelle: "The lineages and histories of the great houses of the Seven Kingdoms, with descriptions of many high lords and noble ladies and their children."
Eddard Stark: "Harkon Umber, first of his name, born to lord Hother Umber and lady Amaryllis Umber in the 183rd year after Aegon's landing, at the last hearth. Blue of eye, brown of hair and fair complected, died in his 14th year of a wound sustained in a bear hunt."
Grand Maester Pycelle: As I said, my Lord, a ponderous read.
Eddard Stark: Did Jon Arryn tell you what he wanted with it?
Grand Maester Pycelle: He did not, my Lord. And I did not presume to ask.
Eddard Stark: Jon's death...
Grand Maester Pycelle: Such a tragedy.
Eddard Stark: Did he say anything to you during his final hours?
Grand Maester Pycelle: Nothing of import, my Lord. There was one phrase he kept repeating: "The seed is strong," I think it was.
Eddard Stark: "The seed is strong"? What does that mean?
Grand Maester Pycelle: The dying mind is a demented mind, Lord Stark. For all the weight they're given, last words are usually as significant as first words.
Eddard Stark: And you're quite certain he died of a natural illness?
Grand Maester Pycelle: What else could it be?
Eddard Stark: Poison.
Grand Maester Pycelle: A disturbing thought. I don't think it likely. The Hand was loved by all. What sort of man would dare...
Eddard Stark: I've heard it said that poison is a woman's weapon.
Grand Maester Pycelle: Yes. Women, cravens... and eunuchs. Did you know that lord Varys is a eunuch?
Eddard Stark: Everybody knows that.
Grand Maester Pycelle: Of course. How that sort of person found himself on the King's Council, I will never know.
Eddard Stark: I've taken enough of your time.
Grand Maester Pycelle: No trouble at all, my Lord. It's a great honor...
Eddard Stark: Thank you. I'll find my own way out.
Arya Stark: Syrio says a water dancer can stand on one toe for hours.
Eddard Stark: It's a hard fall down these steps.
Arya Stark: Syrio says every hurt is a lesson and every lesson makes you better. Tomorrow I'm going to be chasing cats.
Eddard Stark: Cats? Syrio says...
Arya Stark: He says every swordsman should study cats. They're quiet as shadows and as light as feathers. You have to be quick to catch them.
Eddard Stark: He's right about that.
Arya Stark: Now that Bran's awake will he come live with us?
Eddard Stark: He needs to get his strength back first.
Arya Stark: He wants to be a knight of the King's Guard. He can't be one now, can he?
Eddard Stark: No. But someday he could be Lord of a holdfast or sit on the King's Council. Or he might raise castles like Brandon the Builder.
Arya Stark: Can I be Lord of a holdfast?
Eddard Stark: You will marry a high Lord and rule his castle. And your sons shall be knights and princes and lords.
Arya Stark: No. That's not me.
Samwell Tarly: Hello. Ser Alliser said I'm to be your new watch partner. I should warn you, I don't see all that well.
Jon Snow: Come stand by the fire. It's warmer.
Samwell Tarly: No, that's all right. I'm fine.
Jon Snow: You're not. You're freezing.
Samwell Tarly: I don't like high places.
Jon Snow: You can't fight. You can't see. You're afraid of heights and almost everything else probably. What are you doing here, Sam?
Samwell Tarly: On the morning of my 18th nameday, my father came to me. "You're almost a man now," he said, "but you're not worthy of my land and title. Tomorrow, you're going to take the black, forsake all claim to your inheritance and start north. If you do not," he said, "then we'll have a hunt and somewhere in these woods your horse will stumble and you'll be thrown from your saddle to die. Or so I'll tell your mother. Nothing would please me more." Ser Alliser's going to make me fight again tomorrow, isn't he?
Jon Snow: Yes, he is.
Samwell Tarly: I'm not going to get any better, you know?
Jon Snow: Well... You can't get any worse.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Petyr Baelish: I hear you're reading a boring book.
Eddard Stark: Pycelle talks too much.
Petyr Baelish: He never stops. Do you know Ser Hugh of the Vale? Not surprising. Until recently, he was only a squire... Jon Arryn's squire. He was knighted almost immediately after his master's untimely death.
Eddard Stark: Knighted for what? Why are you telling me this?
Petyr Baelish: I promised Cat that I'd help you.
Eddard Stark: Where is Ser Hugh? I'll speak to him.
Petyr Baelish: A singularly bad idea. Do you see that boy there? One of Varys's little birds. The Spider has taken a great interest in your comings and goings. Now look there. That one belongs to the Queen. And do you see that Septa pretending to read her book?
Eddard Stark: Varys or the Queen?
Petyr Baelish: No. She's one of mine. Is there someone in your service whom you trust completely?
Eddard Stark: Yes.
Petyr Baelish: The wiser answer was no, my Lord. Get a message to this paragon of yours... Discreetly. Send him to question Ser Hugh. After that, you might want him to visit a certain armorer in the city. He lives in a large house at the top of the street of Steel.
Eddard Stark: Why?
Petyr Baelish: I have my observers, as I said, and it's possible that they saw Lord Arryn visit this armorer several times in the weeks before his death.
Eddard Stark: Lord Baelish, perhaps I was wrong to distrust you.
Petyr Baelish: Distrusting me was the wisest thing you've done since you climbed off your horse.
Jory Cassel: Ser Hugh? Ser Hugh!
Hugh of the Vale: As you can see, I'm busy.
Jory Cassel: I'm here on behalf of Lord Eddard Stark, the Hand of the king. I'm the captain of his guard.
Hugh of the Vale: I'm sorry. I didn't catch your name, Ser...
Jory Cassel: No "ser." I'm not a knight.
Hugh of the Vale: I see. Well, it just so happens that I am.
Jory Cassel: He said he'd be glad to talk to the Hand himself. He's a knight, you see.
Eddard Stark: A knight. They strut around like roosters down here. Even the ones who've never seen an arrow coming their way.
Jory Cassel: You shouldn't be out here, my Lord. There's no telling who has eyes where.
Eddard Stark: Let them look.
Tobho Mott: The former Hand did call on me, my Lord, several times. I regret to say he did not honor me with his patronage.
Eddard Stark: What did Lord Arryn want?
Tobho Mott: He always came to see the boy.
Eddard Stark: I'd like to see him as well.
Tobho Mott: As you wish, my Lord. Gendry! Here he is. Strong for his age. He works hard. Show the Hand the helmet you made, lad.
Eddard Stark: This is fine work.
Gendry: It's not for sale.
Tobho Mott: Boy, this is the King's Hand! If his lordship wants the helmet...
Gendry: I made it for me.
Tobho Mott: Forgive him, my Lord.
Eddard Stark: There's nothing to forgive. When Lord Arryn came to visit you, what would you talk about?
Gendry: He just asked me questions is all, my Lord.
Eddard Stark: What kind of questions?
Gendry: About my work at first, if I was being treated well, if I liked it here. But then he started asking me about my mother.
Eddard Stark: Your mother?
Gendry: Who she was, what she looked like.
Eddard Stark: What did you tell him?
Gendry: She died when I was little. She had yellow hair. She'd sing to me sometimes.
Eddard Stark: Look at me. Get back to work, lad. If the day ever comes when that boy'd rather wield a sword than forge one, you send him to me.
Jory Cassel: Find anything?
Eddard Stark: King Robert's b*st*rd son.
Jory Cassel: This is for the King from Lord Stark.
Jaime Lannister: Listen. Do you hear them? How many do you think are in there with him? Guess.
Jory Cassel: Three? Four?
Jaime Lannister: He likes to do this when I'm on duty... He makes me listen as he insults my sister.
Jory Cassel: Forgive me, my Lord...
Jaime Lannister: Why do I have to forgive you? Have you wronged me?
Jory Cassel: We've met before, you know.
Jaime Lannister: Have we? Strange, I've forgotten.
Jory Cassel: The siege of Pyke. We fought side by side one afternoon.
Jaime Lannister: That's where you got your scar?
Jory Cassel: Aye. One of the Greyjoys nearly took my eye.
Jaime Lannister: Vicious sons of whores.
Jory Cassel: They like their bloodshed.
Jaime Lannister: They stopped liking it at the end. That was a proper battle. D'you remember Thoros of Myr charging through the breach?
Jory Cassel: With his burning sword? I'll remember that till the day I die.
Jaime Lannister: I saw the youngest of the Greyjoy lads at Winterfell. It was like seeing a shark on a mountaintop.
Jory Cassel: Theon? He's a good lad.
Jaime Lannister: I doubt it.
Robert Baratheon: I'll bet you smell of blackberry jam! Let me smell it. Come here.
Jory Cassel: Can I leave this with you? The message from Lord Stark.
Jaime Lannister: I don't serve Lord Stark.
Grenn: Where have you been?
Jon Snow: Watch duty. With Sam.
Pyp: Prince Porkchop. Where is he?
Jon Snow: He wasn't hungry.
Pyp: Impossible!
Jon Snow: That's enough. Sam's no different from the rest of us. There was no place for him in the world, so he's come here. We're not going to hurt him in the training yard anymore. Never again, no matter what Thorne says. He's our brother now and we're going to protect him.
Rast: You are in love, Lord Snow. You girls can do as you please. But if Thorne puts me up against Lady Piggy, I'm gonna slice me off a side of bacon.
Jon Snow: No one touches Sam.
Alliser Thorne: What are you waiting for? Attack him! You, get in there.
Grenn: Hit me. Go on, hit me! I yield! Yield yield. I yield.
Alliser Thorne: You think this is funny, do you? When you're out there beyond the Wall with the sun going down, do you want a man at your back? Or a sniveling boy?
Viserys Targaryen: You send this whore to give me commands? I should have sent you back her head!
Doreah: Forgive me, Khaleesi. I did as you asked.
Daenerys Targaryen: Hush now. It's all right. Irri, take her and leave us.
Irri: Yes, Khaleesi.
Daenerys Targaryen: Why did you hit her?!
Viserys Targaryen: How many times do I have to tell you? You do not command me.
Daenerys Targaryen: I wasn't commanding you. I just wanted to invite you to supper.
Viserys Targaryen: What's this?
Daenerys Targaryen: It's a gift. I had it made for you.
Viserys Targaryen: Dothraki rags? Are you going to dress me now?
Daenerys Targaryen: Please.
Viserys Targaryen: This stinks of manure. All of it.
Daenerys Targaryen: Stop - stop it.
Viserys Targaryen: You would turn me into one of them, wouldn't you? Next you'll want to braid my hair.
Daenerys Targaryen: You've no right to a braid. You've won no victories yet.
Viserys Targaryen: You do not talk back to me! You are a horselord's slut. And now you've woken the dragon...
Daenerys Targaryen: I am a Khaleesi of the Dothraki! I am the wife of the great Khal and I carry his son inside me. The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands.
Samwell Tarly: I know for a fact that some of the officers go to that brothel in Mole's Town.
Jon Snow: I wouldn't doubt it.
Samwell Tarly: Don't you think it's a little bit unfair? Making us take our vows while they sneak off for a little sally on the side?
Jon Snow: Sally on the side?
Samwell Tarly: It's silly, isn't it? What, we can't defend the Wall unless we're celibate? It's absurd.
Jon Snow: I didn't think you'd be so upset about it.
Samwell Tarly: Why not? Because I'm fat? But I like girls just as much as you do. They might not like me as much. I've never... been with one. You've probably had hundreds.
Jon Snow: As a matter of fact, I'm the same as you.
Samwell Tarly: I find that hard to believe.
Jon Snow: I came very close once. I was alone in a room with a naked girl, but...
Samwell Tarly: You didn't know where to put it?
Jon Snow: I know where to put it.
Samwell Tarly: Was she... Old and ugly?
Jon Snow: Young and gorgeous. A whore named Ros.
Samwell Tarly: What color hair?
Jon Snow: Red.
Samwell Tarly: I like red hair. And her... Her...
Jon Snow: You don't want to know.
Samwell Tarly: That good?
Jon Snow: Better.
Samwell Tarly: Oh no. So why exactly did you not make love to Ros with the perfect...
Jon Snow: What's my name?
Samwell Tarly: Jon Snow?
Jon Snow: And why is my surname Snow?
Samwell Tarly: Because... You're a b*st*rd from the north.
Jon Snow: I never met my mother. My father wouldn't even tell me her name. I don't know if she's living or dead. I don't know if she's a noblewoman or a fisherman's wife... Or a whore. So I sat there in the brothel as Ros took off her clothes. But I couldn't do it. Because all I could think was what if I got her pregnant and she had a child, another b*st*rd named Snow? It's not a good life for a child.
Samwell Tarly: So... You didn't know where to put it?
Alliser Thorne: Enjoying yourselves? You look cold, boys.
Samwell Tarly: It is a bit nippy.
Alliser Thorne: A bit nippy, yeah, by the fire, indoors. It's still summer. Do you boys even remember the last winter? How long has it been now? What, 10 years? I remember. Was it uncomfortable at Winterfell? Were there days when you just couldn't get warm, never mind how many fires your servants built?
Jon Snow: I build my own fires.
Alliser Thorne: That's admirable. I spent six months out there, beyond the Wall during the last winter. It was supposed to be a two-week mission. We heard a rumor Mance Rayder was planning to attack Eastwatch. So we went out to look for some of his men... Capture them, gather some knowledge. The Wildlings who fight for Mance Rayder are hard men. Harder than you'll ever be. They know their country better than we do. They knew there was a storm coming in. So they hid in their caves and waited for it to pass. And we got caught in the open. Wind so strong it yanked 100-foot trees straight from the ground, roots and all. If you took your gloves off to find your cock to have a piss, you lost a finger to the frost. And all in darkness. You don't know cold. Neither of you do. The horses died first. We didn't have enough to feed them, to keep them warm. Eating the horses was easy. But later when we started to fall... That wasn't easy. We should have had a couple of boys like you along, shouldn't we? Soft, fat boys like you. We'd have lasted a fortnight on you and still had bones leftover for soup. Soon we'll have new recruits and you lot will be passed along to the Lord Commander for assignment and they will call you men of the Night's Watch, but you'd be fools to believe it. You're boys still. And come the winter you will die... Like flies.
Daenerys Targaryen: I hit him. I hit the dragon.
Jorah Mormont: Your brother Rhaegar was the last dragon. Viserys is less than the shadow of a snake.
Daenerys Targaryen: He is still the true King.
Jorah Mormont: The truth now: do you want to see your brother sitting on the Iron Throne?
Daenerys Targaryen: No. But the common people are waiting for him. Illyrio said they're sewing dragon banners and praying for his return.
Jorah Mormont: The common people pray for rain, health and a summer that never ends. They don't care what games the high Lords play.
Daenerys Targaryen: What do you pray for, Ser Jorah?
Jorah Mormont: Home.
Daenerys Targaryen: I pray for home too. My brother will never take back the Seven Kingdoms. He couldn't lead an army even if my husband gave him one. He'll never take us home.
Petyr Baelish: Lover's quarrel?
Sansa Stark: I'm sorry. Do I...?
Septa Mordane: Sansa dear, this is Lord Baelish. He's known...
Petyr Baelish: An old friend of the family. I've known your mother a long long time.
Arya Stark: Why do they call you Littlefinger?
Sansa Stark: Arya!
Septa Mordane: Don't be rude!
Petyr Baelish: No, it's quite all right. When I was a child I was very small and I come from a little spit of land called The Fingers, so you see, it's an exceedingly clever nickname.
Robert Baratheon: I've been sitting here for days! Start the damn joust before I piss myself!
Sansa Stark: Gods, who is that?
Petyr Baelish: Ser Gregor Clegane. They call him the Mountain. The Hound's older brother.
Sansa Stark: And his opponent?
Petyr Baelish: Ser Hugh of the Vale. He was Jon Arryn's squire. Look how far he's come.
Robert Baratheon: Yes, yes. Enough of the bloody pomp. Have at it!
Petyr Baelish: Not what you were expecting? Has anyone ever told you the story of the Mountain and the Hound? Lovely little tale of brotherly love. The Hound was just a pup, six years old maybe. Gregor a few years older, already a big lad, already getting a bit of a reputation. Some lucky boys just born with a talent for violence. One evening... Gregor found his little brother playing with a toy by the fire... Gregor's toy, a wooden knight. Gregor never said a word, he just grabbed his brother by the scruff of his neck and shoved his face into the burning coals. Held him there while the boy screamed, while his face melted. There aren't very many people who know that story.
Sansa Stark: I won't tell anyone. I promise.
Petyr Baelish: No, please don't. If the Hound so much as heard you mention it, I'm afraid all the knights in King's Landing would not be able to save you.
Jory Cassel: My Lord, Her Grace the Queen.
Eddard Stark: Your Grace.
Cersei Baratheon: You're missing your tournament.
Eddard Stark: Putting my name on it doesn't make it mine.
Cersei Baratheon: I thought we might put what happened on the Kingsroad behind us - the ugliness with the wolves. And forcing you to kill the beast was extreme. Though sometimes we go to extremes where our children are concerned. How is Sansa?
Eddard Stark: She likes it here.
Cersei Baratheon: The only Stark who does. Favors her mother, not much of the north in her.
Eddard Stark: What are you doing here?
Cersei Baratheon: I might ask the same of you. What is it you hope to accomplish?
Eddard Stark: The King called on me to serve him and the realm, and that's what I'll do until he tells me otherwise.
Cersei Baratheon: You can't change him. You can't help him. He'll do what he wants, which is all he's ever done. You'll try your best to pick up the pieces.
Eddard Stark: If that's my job, then so be it.
Cersei Baratheon: You're just a soldier, aren't you? You take your orders and you carry on. I suppose it makes sense. Your older brother was trained to lead and you were trained to follow.
Eddard Stark: I was also trained to kill my enemies, Your Grace.
Cersei Baratheon: As was I.
Marillion: Seven blessings to you, goodfolk!
Catelyn Stark: And to you.
Rodrick Cassel: Boy! Bread, meat and beer, quickly.
Marillion: Good idea, grandfather. I'm starving. A song while we wait or?
Rodrick Cassel: I'd rather throw myself down a well.
Marillion: Grandfather, may be your last chance if you're heading north. The only music the northerners know is the howling of wolves!
Masha Heddle: I'm sorry, my Lord, we're full up. Every room.
Tyrion Lannister: My men can sleep in the stable. As for myself, I don't require a large room.
Masha Heddle: Truly, my lord, we have nothing.
Tyrion Lannister: Is there nothing I can do... to remedy this?
Bronn: You can have my room.
Tyrion Lannister: There's a clever man. You can manage food, I trust? Yoren, dine with me.
Yoren: Aye, my Lord.
Marillion: My Lord of Lannister! Might I entertain you while you eat? I can sing of your father's victory at King's Landing!
Tyrion Lannister: Nothing would more likely ruin my supper. Lady Stark! What an unexpected pleasure. I was sorry to have missed you at Winterfell.
Masha Heddle: Lady Stark.
Catelyn Stark: I was still Catelyn Tully the last time I stayed here. You, Ser... Is that the black bat of Harrenhal I see embroidered on your coat?
Knight of House Whent: It is, my Lady.
Catelyn Stark: And is Lady Whent a true and honest friend to my father... Lord Hoster Tully of Riverrun?
Knight of House Whent: She is.
Catelyn Stark: The Red Stallion was always a welcome sight at Riverrun. My father counts Jonas Bracken amongst his oldest and most loyal bannermen.
Knight of House Bracken: Our lord is honored by his trust.
Tyrion Lannister: I envy your father all his fine friends... but I don't quite see the purpose of this.
Catelyn Stark: I know your sigil as well... The twin towers of Frey. How fares your Lord, Ser?
Knight of House Frey: Lord Walder is well, my Lady. He has asked your father for the honor of his presence on his 90th nameday. He plans to take another wife.
Catelyn Stark: This man... came into my house as a guest and there conspired to murder my son, a boy of 10. In the name of King Robert and the good Lords you serve, I call upon you to seize him and help me return him to Winterfell to await the King's justice. | Plan: A: King Landing's; Q: Where does Tyrion Lannister return to after Winterfell? A: Winterfell; Q: Where does Tyrion stop to give Bran a saddle design? A: a saddle design; Q: What does Tyrion present to the Starks? A: a horse; Q: What does Bran Stark ride? A: John Arryn's death; Q: What does Ned investigate? A: Gendry; Q: Who is King Robert's illegitimate child? A: an armorer; Q: What is Gendry's profession? A: a tournament; Q: What does King Robert attend to honor Ned? A: an extravagance; Q: What does Ned think of the tournament? A: Jon; Q: Who takes measures to protect Samwell Tarly? A: Night's Watch; Q: What is Samwell Tarly a recruit of? A: A frustrated Viserys clashes; Q: What happens when Viserys' sister is empowered? A: his newly-empowered sister; Q: Who does Viserys clash with? A: one day; Q: How long does Sansa dream of becoming queen? A: Arya; Q: Who dreams of becoming a dragon? A: a far different future; Q: What does Arya envision for herself? A: a roadside tavern; Q: Where did Catelyn meet Tyrion Lannister? A: Catelyn; Q: Who is Lord Hoster Tully's daughter? A: her father's Riverrun allies; Q: Who did Catelyn rally to arrest Tyrion Lannister? A: her son; Q: Who did Catelyn believe Tyrion was trying to murder? Summary: While returning to King Landing's, Tyrion stops at Winterfell where he presents the Starks a saddle design that will allow the paraplegic Bran to ride a horse. Ned secretly investigates John Arryn's death. In the process, he discovers one of King Robert's illegitimate children, Gendry, an armorer. Robert and his guests attend a tournament honoring Ned, which Ned considers an extravagance. Jon takes measures to protect Samwell Tarly , an awkward and friendless Night's Watch recruit from the other Watchmen's abuse. A frustrated Viserys clashes with his newly-empowered sister. Sansa dreams of one day becoming queen, while Arya envisions a far different future. At a roadside tavern, Catelyn, who is Lord Hoster Tully's daughter, unexpectedly encounters Tyrion Lannister. She rallies her father's Riverrun allies to arrest Tyrion for conspiring to murder her son. |
Skyline: A silver dirigible floats across the skyline.
ACT ONE
Scene One - KACL Frasier is wrapping up his show.
Frasier: I would like to close the show today with a truly inspirational tale. One year ago, a very successful friend of mine was
struck by tragedy. Prognosis: not good. Hope: slim. But armed with only fortitude, this friend of mine fought back. I'm talking, of course, about the reopening of Seattle's finest restaurant, Chez Henri! Just goes to show you that a four-alarm fire is no match for five-star courage. This is Frasier Crane saying good day, and good mental health.
He goes off the air. Roz comes in.
Roz: See you still don't have a table for opening night.
Frasier: And it's killing me!
Kenny comes in, sweating profusely.
Kenny: OK everyone, it's show time. The new station owner's on his way down. So look alive! [claps his hands] Watch what you say, watch what you don't say. Don't say too much, don't say too little. [wipes his brow and neck] What the hell's this thermostat set at, anyway?!
Frasier: Good lord, Kenny, calm down! We've done the "new owner" drill a million times. What'll it be today, Roz: the glad-handing sycophant, or our salute to teamwork?
Kenny: Yeah, yeah, very funny.
Frasier: Come on, Kenny, you know how these people come and go. They introduce themselves, they shake your hand, tell us they're big fans, and then they're gone. Nothing ever changes. So, you know, don't worry about it.
Kenny: Well, that's easy for you to say, you've got a contract!
Todd Peterson, KACL's new owner, comes in the booth with a candy bar in one hand. To Frasier and Roz's surprise, Todd is a casually dressed redheaded man in his twenties.
Todd: Hey, guys!
Kenny: Oh hello, sir! [sees the candy bar] Ah, Clark-Bar! [gives him a thumbs up] Excellent choice, sir!
Frasier: You must be the new owner. Hi, I'm Frasier Crane and this is my producer Roz Doyle.
Roz: Hi.
Todd: [shaking hands] Todd Peterson.
Kenny: Mr. Peterson's one of the brightest stars of Silicon Valley.
Todd: Thank you, Kenny.
Kenny: And he's one of the youngest members of the Fortune 500.
Todd: Please, you're embarrassing me.
Kenny: And he's a big fan of your show.
Frasier: Oh, now you're embarrassing me! [chuckles] Go on.
Todd: It's true, I've been listening since college. I love the theme weeks. But I was really into "Follow-up Fridays," when you had previous callers call in, let you know how they're doing. Why'd you stop doing that?
Frasier: [gravely] Oh well, it wasn't my idea.
Todd glares at Kenny, who quickly runs out of the booth.
Frasier: You know, Todd, uh, seeing as how you are such a big fan, perhaps I could bend your ear sometime about a few ideas I have for the show.
Todd: Great! I'd love to hear them.
Frasier: Really? Well, how about later today perhaps, over cocktails at my place?
Todd: That would be cool!
Frasier: Ah, cool indeed!
Todd: Later.
Todd leaves the booth. Frasier follows, calling after him.
Frasier: Right, and may I say it's truly an honor to be serving under your leadership! This is a great day for KACL, indeed for radio itself!
He comes back in.
Roz: I see you decided to skip "glad-handing sycophant" and go straight for "boot-licking kiss-ass."
Frasier nods contentedly.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Apartment Martin straddles a chair while Daphne massages him.
Martin: [groans with pleasure]
Daphne: Is that too much?
Martin: Oh no, it feels great, Daph. Lot of elbow grease there today.
Daphne: I suppose I'm a bit wound up. Niles is out with Mel. I don't trust that woman.
Martin: Oh, come on. He's not with her because he wants to be. He's just gonna give her what she wants so she'll give him the divorce. He's crazy about you, you know that.
Daphne: [smiles] I know. And I'm crazy about him.
She stops massaging him, to his dismay.
Martin: Still, Niles has been gone for a long time. She digs in hard, making him groan again. The doorbell rings.
Daphne: It's open! Niles comes in.
Niles: Hello!
Daphne: Niles.
Niles: Sorry I'm late, Mel picked a restaurant on the other side of town.
Daphne: I'm getting so tired of that woman's antics.
Martin: Antics, that's what they are!
She digs in even harder, he groans. She stops as Niles hangs up his coat.
Daphne: This whole charade, making you pretend you're a happy couple, it's so unfair!
Martin: Criminal! She won't even allow you to be seen in public together! [she does nothing] Did you hear that?
Daphne: Give it up, old man, the massage is over.
He hits the chair top. Niles takes Daphne's hands.
Niles: Daphne, I know it's difficult. But once she gives me that divorce, we can go anywhere we want. Paris... Florence... Rio...
Daphne: [seductive] How about my room to fold laundry?
She leads him by the hand to her bedroom.
Niles: I hear it's lovely this time of year. They exit. Frasier comes in.
Frasier: Oh, uh, Dad, listen, you know, I've got some company coming over. So if you don't mind, uh-
Martin: Oh, hot date, huh?
Frasier: Well, actually, Dad, the new station owner's coming by to hear some ideas I have about my show.
Martin: Well, it's a woman at least, right?
Frasier: Whatever gets you out of the room faster, Dad.
The doorbell rings. As Martin and Eddie scurry out of the room, Frasier opens the door to Todd.
Frasier: Oh Todd, come on in.
Todd: Hi, Frasier. [comes in] Whoa! Sweet view!
Frasier: Thank you, thank you. That's the Space Needle there, of course, and Elliot Bay, and actually on a clear day you can see Mt. Rinnear.
Todd: Epic! [looks down through the telescope] Is that a Pizza Hut?
Frasier: Well, we did start a petition-
Todd: Well, it must have worked. That is a Pizza Hut! [looks around] You've got a great place here, Fras!
Frasier: Thank you.
Todd: [picks up an African sculpture] I like this. What, did your kid carve it in camp?
Frasier: Actually, that's a fertility god from Central Africa, it's quite rare. [Todd hands it back with a naughty chuckle] Thank you. Say, uh, Todd, can I interest you in a sherry?
Todd: Nah. It'd be wasted on me. I don't know the first thing about that stuff.
Frasier: Oh well, in the great scheme of things, it's not really very important.
Todd: It kind of is. I mean, ever since my search engine went public, people have been inviting me to fundraisers and banquets. [picks up a sculpture from the coffee table and tries to pry it open] They expect me to know all sorts of things about art and music, wine - I don't know jack, it's embarrassing.
Having no luck, he tries to break it open on the table. Frasier rushes forward and snatches it.
Frasier: I'm sure you're exaggerating.
Todd: No, I spent my whole life in front of a computer. I don't know Beethoven from... Beethoven's the only one I know!
Frasier: You know, it's never too late to learn. I'd be glad to give you some pointers.
Todd: Really?
Frasier: I'd be delighted! I will play Virgil to your Dante. [off Todd's blank look] In a few weeks, I can guarantee you, you will find that delightfully droll. Say, how about that sherry?
Todd: Oh, yeah!
Fraser goes to the bar and pours two sherries.
Frasier: All right, then - which you should know, is a fortified wine.
Todd: Wow, Frasier, you really know your stuff! Look at these great paintings, cool furniture, African s*x toys! This is how I should be living... how much you want for the place?
Frasier: Excuse me?
Todd: I could use a place in town. Name your price.
Frasier: Oh no, Todd. My humble home is not for sale. But, you know, as luck would have it, there happens to be a unit available directly below mine.
Todd: This'll be great, we'll be neighbors! You can teach me to have as much taste and style as you. And I can do everything possible to make you the biggest star on radio.
For a moment Frasier just stands there with a rapt, transported look on his face.
Frasier: I knew one day you'd come. He hands Todd a sherry, and they clink glasses.
[SCENE_BREAK]
IT'S ABOUT A CZECHOSLOVAKIAN BAGPIPER
Scene Three - Café Nervosa Niles is seated at a table. Frasier comes in.
Frasier: Niles, mind if I join you?
Niles: Oh well, uh, just for a little while, I'm meeting Mel here. Oh, which reminds me- [slips on his wedding ring]
Frasier: Oh dear, I am sorry to hear that.
Niles: Oh no, actually this is wonderful news.
Frasier: Mm-hmm?
Niles: She called. She said my days of playing the devoted husband are coming to an end. Frasier, I think my wife is finally going to dump me.
Frasier: Oh, and they said it would last. [they laugh] You know, actually, I'm celebrating an event myself. You see, I've just become... a mentor.
Niles: Good for you, Frasier, helping the unprivileged.
Frasier: Actually, he's a billionaire.
Niles: Ah, the forgotten minority.
Frasier: It's the new station owner.
Niles: Oh, for heaven's sake, you're mentoring your boss? How did you flatter your way into that job?
Frasier: Well, Niles, I-I didn't. The boy practically begged me. I mean, he got rich overnight, and he's hardly had time to shed his fraternity house ways.
Niles: Sounds like an enormous project.
Frasier: Well, I am a teacher at heart, after all. You know, last night I took him to Le Café du Peridee, to practice sending back wine.
Frasier's cell phone rings.
Frasier: Excuse me. [answers] Hello? Ah, Todd, yes, we were just talking about you! Yes, no. No, no, no, no, no, never French cuffs with a button-down collar. [Niles chuckles] He's being fitted by Haviare.
Niles: Very nice.
Frasier: [into phone] The long collar, yes. What sort of stripes? Don't move, I'll be right down there! [hangs up] I have to go.
As he gets up, Mel comes in.
Frasier: Ah, Mel.
Mel: [Arctic smile] Frasier. You're looking...
Frasier: And you, we must do this again.
He leaves. Mel takes his chair.
Mel: Hello, Niles.
Niles: Uh, Mel, hello. Well, I, uh, I gather things are coming to an end. Thank you for being true to your word.
Mel: No, thank you for doing such a good job in... Phase One.
Niles: [fazed] "Phase One?"
Mel: Well Niles, it occurred to me that if we end things now, people will wonder why - when, you know, we've been so happy. So I've decided that it's not so much that I'm going to leave you, as you're going to drive me away.
Niles: How?
Mel: Through a series of staged events, in which you will thoroughly humiliate yourself by playing the part of a complete ass! [gives him a ticket envelope] For instance, this weekend we're going to the opera-
Niles: Ah, I see, I see. So you want me to... hog the opera glasses and remain seated during the ovation, something of that nature? Well, I-I suppose I could manage it.
Mel: No, not quite. At the intermission, invariably some board member will come over to say hello, and I want you to fly into a jealous rage and throw a drink at him!
Niles: That is unthinkable! I have a reputation in this town, [throws the envelope down] and nothing will make me behave that way!
Mel shrugs, gets up and puts on her coat.
Mel: Well, looks like we're going to be married for a long time.
Niles is trapped, and she knows it. He takes the envelope and checks the name.
Niles: [steely] I'll see you at Schwander de Dudelsach Feiffen.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Four - Apartment - Night Frasier opens the door to Roz and Kenny, both formally dressed. Kenny is sweating again.
Frasier: Oh, what are you two doing here? Todd's apartment's one floor down.
Roz: We know. But why walk into his housewarming alone when we can go in with his idol?
Frasier: Oh please, I'm hardly his idol. I'm a paragon at best.
Reset to: Hallway He leads them into the hallway, carrying the African fertility sculpture wrapped in a little bow.
Kenny: What's that?
Frasier: Oh, just a little something that Todd admired when he was over.
Kenny: I didn't know we were supposed to bring gifts! Oh, now I'm screwed! [they step onto the elevator] I am so fired. God, why did I give my wife the go-ahead for that above-ground pool?
Roz: Better calm down, Kenny. I gave you my last pair of dress shields.
Frasier: Now remember that Todd has had people working round the clock, transforming his apartment into his vision of style and taste. And no matter how primitive we may think it is, it's best to be kind. We don't want to stifle his budding creativity.
The elevator stops, and they get off.
Roz: You also don't want to stifle that fat syndication deal he's putting together for you.
Frasier: Oh Roz, you are so cynical! That's why you could never be a mentor.
He rings the doorbell. Todd answers the door.
Todd: Hey guys, come on in!
They come in - and gape. Though a sustained shot of the room is not
shown, the effect is clear: Todd has duplicated Frasier's apartment exactly, the same furniture/art/appliances in the exactly corresponding positions. The sole difference (that I was able to catch) is that in place of Martin's armchair stands a slightly newer, cleaner easy chair.
END OF ACT ONE
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT TWO
BOXERS OR BRIEFS?
IT'S DRIVING HIM CRAZY
Scene Five - Café Nervosa. Niles is at a table. Frasier comes in and joins him.
Frasier: Hello, Niles. Say, if memory serves, you went to the opera with Mel last night. So, did you cause a public spectacle? I didn't read anything in the society pages.
Niles: No, well, it didn't go exactly as I expected. At intermission I got my drink and waited for someone to approach Mel. And finally someone did - uh, Founder's Circle stalwart Ace Linneur.
Frasier: Ah.
Niles: I coiled, panther-like, ready to fling my drink on his shirtfront, when I noticed he was wearing that wool crepe hand-tailored tuxedo of his. Well, [laughs nervously] I couldn't raise my hand against such a magnificent garment.
Frasier: Niles, that tux is a blend and you know it.
Niles: Yes, yes, of course I know it! Frasier, I-I just couldn't do it! That kind of loutish behavior, it's just not in my nature.
Frasier: Of course, Niles, that goes without saying. Just remember for whom you're doing all this.
Niles: Believe me, Daphne is the only thing that is keeping me going through all of this. Tonight I'm supposed to meet Mel for dinner at Chez Henri, and make an ass of myself in front of her society friends.
Frasier: Oh, lord - Chez Henri. Their menu is just the culinary minefield to test Todd's mettle. Hmm...
Niles: Oh, oh, your protégé. How's that coming along?
Frasier: Actually, things have taken a bit of an odd turn. You see, yesterday I went to his housewarming party. As it turns out, to my surprise, he has duplicated my apartment exactly.
Niles: Exactly?!
Frasier: Only thing missing is an old man and a little dog. I was beside myself.
Niles: Well, of course you were! I assume you read him the riot act.
Frasier: Well, he is my boss. He has big plans for my show. Do I really want to jeopardize that?
Todd comes in, wearing an expensive suit and tie.
Frasier: There's Todd now. Uh, Todd? Over here! I'd like you to meet my brother, Niles Crane. [they ad-lib hellos and shake hands] Niles, this is Todd Peterson.
As they stand next to each other, Niles realizes Frasier and Todd's suits are exactly identical.
Niles: Hello - oh, and-and may I say, what a... what a lovely outfit. Hope you got the volume discount.
Niles leaves. Frasier and Todd sit.
Todd: Guess who's officially hooked on classics!
Frasier: Oh well, good for you, good for you. Now Todd, I-I'd like to talk to you about your apartment.
Todd: You don't like it.
Frasier: Oh no, I do like it. I've liked it for eight years.
Todd: So what's the problem?
Frasier: Well, I was hoping that my influence would help you to find your own style, not that you would simply duplicate mine.
Todd: What am I doing? I'm in way over my head here, let's admit it, with all this culture stuff. I should just stick to what I know, computers - I'm a computer guy!
Frasier: No, Todd, you know, perhaps we just took on a bit too much too soon.
Todd: I need to move back to San Jose, sell the apartment, sell the radio station-
Frasier: Steady at the wheel, Todd. Now listen, uh, all we're really talking about is a couple of couches and some coffee tables.
Todd: But you said we shouldn't have the same apartment.
Frasier: Yes, and we shouldn't... Perhaps I'm being too hasty about which of us should be doing the changing. Perhaps I'm holding on too tight to my possessions! Décor is, after all, a fluid art!
Todd: [reaches for a pen] Should I be writing this down?
Frasier: No, no, Todd. Listen, Todd, I want you to keep the apartment the way it is. After all, it's a look that has served me well, but it's time that I move on.
Todd: Thank you, Frasier.
Frasier: No, thank you, Todd.
Todd: Hey, you want to come see my new car? I have a feeling you're gonna like it!
Frasier: I have a feeling I will.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - Chez Henri Niles and Mel, dressed formally, stand at a distance from their table, at which two other couples (Andrew/Margaret & Chip/Lucy) are seated.
Mel: Niles, you have been behaving like a perfect gentlemen all night, now cut it out! And do something offensive!
Niles: I don't know at which table you've been sitting! Did you not just see me unapologetically take the last roll?
Mel: I need more than that, and you know it. Now, my friends are giving you plenty to work with - Andrew has been drinking like a fish, and Margaret is wearing that revolting dress, again.
Niles: Meow! I'm glad you're on my side. [off her look] I can do this.
They return to the table.
Mel: Sorry, everyone!
Margaret: Oh, you newlyweds! Just can't be apart for one second!
The waiter brings their check.
Mel: Oh, the bill! Oh, but we're not finished. Uh, we still have wine, would anyone like a refill?
Andrew: [tidges himself up] I'm a little dry.
Mel clears her throat loudly. Niles takes the plunge.
Niles: Dry? I know that's not your liver speaking! Everyone is shocked.
Mel: Niles! We just discussed you were not going to bring that up!
Niles: Well I did, so there. [she kicks him under the table] And I'll say it again! [to Andrew] You're probably seeing two of me, so you might as well hear me twice! You sir, are a complete drunk!
Nuclear silence.
Andrew: Niles, how could you...
Niles: Well, uh-
Andrew: How could you know? I thought I was hiding it so well. I have a problem, it's time I face it.
Chip: I've been meaning to say something, but I didn't have the courage.
Lucy: Not like Niles. You're a good person.
Andrew: I'm getting help first thing tomorrow. I'm so sorry, baby.
Margaret: [takes Andrew's arm; to Niles] Thank you for giving me my husband back. Mel, darling, you married an angel.
Mel: [choking on the words] Don't I know it.
Niles, to his credit, looks as disappointed as Mel.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Seven - Apartment Martin comes into the living room and sees Frasier dressed in casual clothes.
The Apartment is now completely redecorated with black, boxy furniture, a weird angular couch - the only thing unchanged is Martin's Armchair.
Frasier: Ah, Dad. What do you think of the new look?
Martin: Wow, nice stuff. You really tied the flow to the motif.
Frasier: Thanks for trying. Well, shall we give it a test run?
Martin: Yeah.
Frasier: A little music...
He turns on the stereo. "Classical Gas," a guitar anthem from the 1970's, plays. (If you haven't heard it before, all you really need to know is that it's not Frasier)
Martin settles into his armchair with the newspaper. Frasier lounges in one of his new chairs, trying to get comfortable. After a moment, he gets up and lies across his couch, trying to fit his body to the shape of it.
RUN: A series of dissolves where Frasier tries to capture the right look: - the furniture is all white - the furniture is a mix of black and white - the furniture is all red
- the final one: the apartment resembles a British lord's bungalow in
Africa: bamboo furniture, tall potted ferns, and a zebra skin draped over the couch. Frasier tries to get comfortable by sitting on the couch and draping the skin over his head.
Scene Eight - Apartment
DISSOLVE TO: a close up of Frasier.
Frasier: Dad?
The Apartment is now totally bare, except for Martin, his Chair, and his little drink table, none of which have moved throughout the preceding changes.
Martin: [not looking up] Looks great, son.
Frasier: There's nothing here.
Martin: I know.
Frasier: I give up. I've tried a million combinations. I even had early Byzantine mingling with mid-century Danish!
Martin: Will they ever get along?
Frasier: The only furniture that looks good in my apartment is my own!
Martin: Well, I could have told you that three loveseats ago! So what are you waiting for? Go bring it back!
Daphne comes in with a shopping bag, and takes in the empty apartment.
Daphne: Well, I'm glad I went to three different stores to find your organic furniture polish.
Frasier: Well Daphne, chin up. You can always use it to polish the floors.
Daphne: Oh, yes. When God closes a door he opens a window.
She goes to her room.
Frasier: You know, Dad, even if I do get my furniture back, it doesn't solve anything! There's still someone downstairs with my apartment!
Martin: That's not your apartment, this is your apartment! And if every stooge in the building rips you off, it doesn't take anything away from you because you were the original!
Frasier is struck by the truth of this.
Frasier: I am, aren't I? You know I did, after all, create that look, and that should be gratification enough.
Martin: Good for you, son.
The doorbell rings.
Frasier: I mean, besides, you know, Todd's hardly ever here. He doesn't have very many friends. You know, in fact, the only person who's ever gonna see that apartment is probably the Pizza Hut delivery boy! [laughs]
He opens the door to Todd.
Frasier: Ah Todd, come on in.
Todd: Hey, Fras, I just need to know the name of the chick who made our couch.
Frasier: Oh, right - it's a reproduction of the one Coco Chanel had in her Paris atelier. [Todd exhales] But why?
Todd: The writer from "Architectural Digest" wants to know.
Frasier: "Architectural Digest?"
Todd: They're doing a huge cover story on my apartment! And I have you to thank for it, buddy! Well, I got to go, the photographer's waiting. Later.
Todd leaves, closing the door. Frasier slowly turns around, apoplectic mouth gaping, body convulsing, unable to speak. Martin looks at him worriedly. Frasier rushes around the Apartment.
Frasier: I need to sit down!
Martin gets up and motions Frasier to the Armchair. Frasier backs away from it in horror, looking around in desperation.
Finally he goes into the powder room, sits on the toilet, and buries his head in his hands.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Frasier has restored his apartment to its original look. He looks around - something's not quite right.
He goes into the kitchen, where Martin is getting a beer. He pulls Martin out into the living room, sits him in his Armchair, and hands him his beer. Then he sits on the couch to take in the look.
As Martin raises the paper into his familiar pose, Frasier lets out a sigh of relief. | Plan: A: a young computer billionaire; Q: Who is Todd? A: Todd.; Q: Who is the new owner of KACL? A: social graces; Q: What does Todd lack? A: his mentor; Q: What does Frasier offer to act as for Todd? A: Frasier's clothes, car and apartment layout; Q: What does Todd copy from Frasier? A: Mel; Q: Who demands that Niles drive her away? A: public; Q: Where does Mel want Niles to behave badly? Summary: The new owner of KACL is a young computer billionaire, Todd. Todd considers himself unstylish and lacking in social graces. He is in awe of Frasier's own apartment and sense of style, so Frasier offers to act as his mentor . Todd then meticulously copies Frasier's clothes, car and apartment layout. Meanwhile, Mel demands that Niles be seen to drive her away, by behaving badly in public. |
(Meredith's house)
(Izzie is in the bathroom standing against the door, holding a coffee mug in one hand. You can hear Doc barking and growling really loudly and you can also hear George's muffled yelling)
George (screams): God, holy, ow. I said down, back...IZZIE! IZZIE! Incoming!
(Izzie looks startled and moves to open the bathroom door and George runs in and they both slam the door shut)
MVO: Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar, they happen every year.
(Izzie hands George her coffee mug which he accepts gratefully)
MVO: Just set your watch to January.
Izzie: You know I'm thinking about coloring my hair. Maybe red.
George: Yeah. Red's good. I'm thinking about cutting mine.
Izzie: Yeah? You look good shorter.
George (looks a little surprised): You think?
(You can now hear Meredith giving the dog compliments and the barking has stopped. George and Izzie open the door tentatively and peek out)
Meredith: What a good dog? Who's mommy's good boy?
(They see Meredith patting and shaking the dog's paw)
Meredith: Silly. Yes, I know. You're a good boy. You're such a good boy.
(They look absolutely amazed by this)
Meredith: What are you guys doing in there? We're going to be late.
George: We need to talk about the dog.
Izzie: That's not a dog. It's a hyena, escaped from the zoo dressed in dog clothing.
George: Whatever! I don't chew up his clothes. I don't urinate on his bed. I don't try to mount him from behind!
Meredith: People, he's our dog. We love our dog. He loves us.
(She continues patting and leaves. Doc turns and growls at Izzie & George and then lets out a bark)
Izzie (apprehensive): He tries to mount you from behind?
George: Tries to. (Doc barks loudly and George whispers) Tries to.
(Derek's trailer)
(Derek decked out in full fisherman's gear is heading into the trailer carrying a trout)
MVO: Our reward for surviving the holiday season is a new year. Bringing on the great tradition of New Year's resolutions.
(Derek walks in and up to Addison is blow drying her hair actually standing outside the bathroom)
Derek: I got a trout.
Addison: Oh!
Derek: Rainbow trout.
Addison: Why, why did you bring a trout into the house?
(Derek walks to the tiny kitchen, with the trout and starts washing it)
Derek: The trailer.
Addison: Why did you bring a rainbow trout into the trailer?
Derek: Breakfast.
Addison (dead-panned): Breakfast.
Derek: Yeah, you hungry?
Addison: For trout?
Derek (smiling): Yeah.
Addison (fed up): I hate this Derek! (She tries to storm up to him but the blow dryer cord pulls her back) I... argh! I hate this! I hate, hate! I hate this trailer!
(She huffs and slams the door of the bathroom behind her)
Derek: So no trout for you then?
MVO: Put your past behind you and start over.
(Nursing Home)
(Richard is visiting Ellis Grey at the nursing home. He's helping them to cups of coffee at the coffee/food table. Ellis is standing next to him)
Ellis: I'm standing there with Pritchard and Lewis and they keep on asking me who was I with in the on-call room last night.
Richard (uncomfortable): Uh.
Ellis (grinning): They heard us. (chuckles) Were we that loud?
Richard: Huh, you're loud.
Ellis: Stop. (Richard starts moving towards some seats and a table) I am loud aren't I?
Richard: Pritch. Was always sticking his nose in someone else's business. You know I actually saw him again ... at his wife's funeral.
(They sit down)
Ellis: What? Pritchard isn't married.
Richard: Ah oh right, right. I'm thinking of someone else. Just confused.
Ellis (nods): You need sleep. Residency is wearing you down.
(They sip their coffee)
Richard: Ellis?
Ellis (smiles): Yes?
Richard: Nothing. I just hate being an intern.
Ellis: Mmm. Me too.
MVO: It's hard to resist the chance at a new beginning. A chance to put the problems of last year to bed.
(OR Scrub Room)
(Cristina is getting scrubbed up for a surgery. Burke walks into the room and hands Cristina a scrubs mask which she accepts smiling)
Burke: So, in the name of the new year ...
Cristina: Oh, I don't do resolutions.
Burke: In the name of the New Year, I thought you could give me an answer to my question.
Cristina: Your question?
Burke: About you ... moving in.
Cristina (sighs): I don't have an answer.
Burke: Cristina.
Cristina: I'm not being Cristina. I just ... I don't have an answer.
Burke: Then answer me this. What were you planning to do?
Cristina: About what?
Burke: The baby.
(Cristina looks up at this but a scrub nurse enters the room)
Nurse: Dr. Burke, we're ready for you.
(Cristina leaves and Burke is left looking upset)
(Richard is standing up on some stairs talking to a crowd of interns and doctors that are standing at the base of the stairs. Meredith walks up to the crowd and stands next to Alex who is also standing there)
Richard: Listen up people. New Year, new rules or should I say New Year and we will be enforcing the rules mandated by the residency review committee. There were too many mistakes made last year. (Alex looks down at this) Fatigue played too big a role. Exceeding 80 hours per week will not be tolerated.
George (whispers to Izzie): Does that mean we actually get to have a life?
Izzie: I think so.
Richard: Sullivan, you were on-call for 28 hours, leave when you hit 30. Grey you were here to 2am last night, see you at noon.
Meredith (to Alex): I get to go? Free time?
Alex: Run before he changes his mind.
(Meredith leaves)
Richard: Oh and people our nurses are gonna have to work extra hours to compensate so treat them well. Cranky nurses don't do us any good.
(The crowd disperses and Izzie and George walk past Alex)
Izzie (to Alex): Well maybe you can cheer them up.
(George chuckles and Alex gives her a look. Izzie stops walking and turns around)
Izzie: You know what? My New Year's resolution was to let it go, and I am.I have...let it go. I apologize.
(They all start walking down the hallway together)
George (amazed): You do?
(Alex smirks at George)
Izzie: I do. How'd your test go?
Alex: I feel pretty good about it but I won't know for a few days.
Izzie: Well we're all pulling for you.
George: We are?
Izzie: We are.
(Burke is performing surgery in the O.R with another doctor. Cristina is standing a few feet away watching)
Burke: He can see the mesothelioma better now that I've partially dissected it.
Cristina: Um, I can't uh, I can't really see it from here. Can I, can I go in closer.
Burke: You're fine there.
(Richard enters the O.R)
Richard: Preston, good news. We have a heart for Denny Duquette.
Burke: Great news. Has he been called?
Richard: Got here 10 minutes ago.
Burke (nods): Good. I was worried we couldn't find a match in time.
Richard: We have a plane ready to take you to Twin Falls, Idaho for the organ recovery. 90 mins each way. How much more do you have here?
Burke: Uh, heart comes out first. I'll be cutting it too close.
Richard: They have a local heart team there so ...
Burke: No, Bailey. Send Bailey. She'll be our eyes.
(Richard nods and then stares at Cristina)
Richard: Dr. Yang, you need to leave this O.R.
Cristina: Excuse me?
Richard: You've exceeded your 80 hour limit for the week. You have to leave the hospital.
Cristina: Okay um, um as soon as the mesothelioma is dissected out.
Richard: Dr. Yang. Now.
(Cristina nods and Richard walks to the door but Cristina still stands there)
Burke: You heard him.
(Cristina looks down and walks out of the OR, the door being held open by Richard for her)
(Bailey, Alex, Izzie & George are doing rounds. They enter Denny Duquette's room. A reasonably good looking heart transplant patient's. He is lying in a hospital bed as a nurse fixes his IV)
Bailey: Denny Duquette.
Denny: Hey Dr. Bailey.
Bailey: I hope seeing you here means that they finally found you a heart.
Denny: No offense doctor but I'm not a big fan of hospitals. It takes something pretty special to get me in here.
Bailey (to Izzie): What do we know about Mr. Duquette?
Denny (smiling at Izzie): Capricorn, single, loves to travel and cook.
Bailey: Denny be quiet. Let her show off.
Izzie (looks down smiling): Denny Duquette, 36. Admitted today for a heart transplant necessitated by a viral-cardiomyopathy.
Bailey: Hmm and what does that mean?
Izzie: That his heart is unable to fill and pump blood normally.
Bailey: Good. Denny this is Dr. Stevens. She'll be tending to your private surgery.
Denny (grins): So I guess I'll be seeing you around, Dr. Stevens.
(Alex looks on less than amused as Izzie smiles back. They leave the room and stand at the nurse's station as Bailey finishes checking on Denny)
Alex: Gotta hand it to the guy, trying to get some action when he's practically a corpse.
Izzie: Alex, he's just trying to be nice.
(Bailey and George walk out of the room and start walking down the hallway. Izzie and Alex catch up to them)
Bailey: No one enforced an 80 hour work week when I was an intern. 110, 120 hours suited me just fine. I learned more because I worked more.
George: Well at least this way you get a rest before you have the baby. I mean being that pregnant, keeping up this pace.
Bailey: Are you saying I look tired O'Malley?
George: No, not tired, no. You look fresh, spry. You glow. What (he looks at his watch) stop now?
Bailey: O'Malley, go do an intake on Addison Shepherd's patient.
George (still looking down): Addison.
(He walks off. Bailey turns to Izzie and Alex)
Izzie: You do glow.
Alex: Like the moon.
Bailey: And you can spend the day in the pit Karev.
(Bailey and Izzie walk off)
(A young girl named Bex is sitting on the hospital bed drawing on a drawing pad. Her parents are next to her talking to each other. George walks in and is followed by Addison a few seconds later)
Addison: Dr. O'Malley.
George: Hi. (He hands Addison the chart) Mr. and Mrs. Singleton, Rebecca, this is Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd.
(Addison shakes hands with the parents)
Mrs. Singleton: You don't think it's cancer, do you? Bex is too young for cancer right?
Addison: Mrs. Singleton, I'm just getting up to speed. I'm sorry. Dr. O'Malley?
George: Rebecca has been admitted for...
Bex (interrupts): Could you stop calling me that?
Mr. Singleton: She prefers Bex. Not Rebecca.
George: Bex has been admitted for an ultrasound-guided biopsy on an enlargement of the pelvic lymph node.
Addison: Okay Bex, you mind if I check it out?
Mr. Singleton: Okay, I'll just ah ...
(He nods and leaves the room)
Addison: It's a minor procedure Bex, but we'll give a local anesthetic to manage the pain.
(Addison starts feeling around Bex's stomach and chest)
George: What are you drawing?
Bex: Just a dumb comic.
George: You're really talented.
Mrs. Singleton: It's big, I know. It just appeared one day.
Addison: I'll perform a biopsy this morning and Dr. O'Malley will have to take some blood so we can run some tests and then we can start to get you some answers. Ok? Mrs. Singleton there's no need to panic. I'll keep you posted every step of the way.
Mrs. Singleton (nods): Thank you.
(Addison leaves)
George: Sorry about this but I'm going to need that arm to get some blood. I'll be quick.
(Bex stops drawing and George takes her arm and rolls up her sleeve. He notices several slash and cut marks on Bex's wrist. He looks up at Mrs. Singleton who just looks down)
(Mauer Paskowitz and his fianc� Audrey's room)
Alex: Mr. Paskowitz, we've located the source of your abdominal pain. (He points to the x-ray film he's holding) There. It's called a bezoar.
Mauer: Bezoar, huh?
Alex: Yeah it's a clump of foreign matter that couldn't be expelled with a pro-kinetic agent.
Mauer: I love it. In a hospital a laxative is a pro-kinetic agent.
Audrey: So what you just go up his butt and grab it?
Mauer: Baby, please.
Alex: Actually we won't be able to reach it that way. We will have to get it from here. (He points directly at Mr. Paskowitz stomach) So Mauer, tell me what you've been eating?
Mauer: Garbage. Absolute garbage.
Alex: Could you be more specific?
Audrey: Tell him what you ate, Mauer. (Mauer just stays silent) He's a writer. Suffering for his art.
Alex (nods): Ok.
Audrey: He ate his novel.
Alex (does a double take): Huh, I'm sorry what?
Mauer: I ate my novel, ok? The whole damn thing. Every last piece of that unmitigated crap.
(Audrey just smiles and shakes her head. Alex is left looking amazed)
(George is walking up to Addison, who is standing at a nurse's station)
George (hands Addison a chart): The labs for Bex Singleton.
Addison: Anything?
George: Yeah her hormone levels, estrogen, progesterone are sky high.
Addison: Huh, you did a history right? Any mention of birth control pills?
George: No, but her parents were right there.
Addison (hands him back the chart): Talk to her again.
George: But she hasn't hit puberty yet, isn't that weird she'd be having s*x?
Addison: These days Dr. O'Malley it's not that unusual. Talk to the patient.
(Addison leaves)
(Richard is walking up to Derek who is dressed in regular clothes, using his phone in the middle of a hospital hallway)
Richard: Derek.
Derek: Oh, morning Richard.
Richard: You busy?
Derek: No, my surgery just got cancelled. Why?
Richard: I need a favor.
Derek: Sure.
(Bex's room, where she is now by herself, drawing some really amazing comics. George enters the room)
George: Hey Bex. Is your mom and dad ...
Bex: Food.
George: Great. ... Because I wanted to talk to you. Your lab work showed ... have you been taking birth control pills?
Bex (stops drawing & looks up scared): If you tell my mom and dad-
George (interrupts): No, I won't. I just ah need to know why. Do you have a boyfriend?
Bex: Like anybody would want to have s*x with me.
George: Well then why?
Bex: I'm as flat as a board. I took like 5 of those pills a day and nothing's different. (George just stares at her confused) Boobs, dude.
George (realization dawns): You were trying to make your breasts grow.
Bex: I wanted to be normal for once in my life. (George nods to himself) Is this what caused the tumor?
George: No. No the pill wouldn't have any effect on your lymph nodes but it would ... the amount you were taking is really dangerous and it caused a pretty major hormonal imbalance. Have you been feeling any different than usual?
Bex: I feel like how I always feel.
(She brings up one arm and rests on it. It reveals the scars on her wrist)
(Derek is standing in an elevator, reading a paper with two other nurses. The doors open and reveal Meredith standing outside dressed to go home. She walks in and the two nurses leave)
Meredith: Hi.
Derek (puts the paper away): Hi. You leaving?
Meredith: 80 hour limit. You?
Derek: Surgery was postponed.
(It looks like he's checking her out. He can't stop smiling or looking at her. Meredith looks over at him)
Meredith: I have a dog.
Derek (smiles): You have a dog.
Meredith: My point is I have a dog.
Derek (full on grinning now): You have a dog. Oh you know what? I love dogs.
Meredith: I've moved on so don't give me that look.
(He moves from his position against the wall and stands up close to her)
Derek: What look?
Meredith: That look. Our look. I'm over you.
Derek: I'm over you too.
Meredith: You are?
Derek (shakes his head smiling): No.
Meredith (matter of factly): Oh, well I am. Over you.
Derek: I'm over you too.
Meredith: You just said ... (He raises his eyebrows at her) Shut up.
(The doors open and they are both smiling at each other until they see who is standing in front of the doors. Addison. Who is by the way not looking very happy)
Derek (to Addison): Hi.
Meredith (to Derek): Bye.
(Meredith walks out of the elevator. Derek resumes his original position of leaning against the wall and Addison walks in. She has a very ill look on her face but doesn't say anything)
Derek (sighs): There is a land called 'passive-agressiva' and you are their queen.
Addison: I am fine.
Derek: Except when you shriek about trout.
Addison: I was not shrieking about trout.
Derek: Right, you weren't. You were shrieking about Meredith.
Addison: No, I was shrieking about the trailer. I hate the trailer.
Derek: Oh okay, so the past three weeks have been about the trailer?
Addison: Yes.
Derek: Not about the fact that I said I love Meredith.
Addison: Loved.
Derek: What?
Addison: You said you loved her. Past tense.
Derek (looks down): Right yes past tense.
Addison: Well then I have been shrieking about the trailer.
Derek (nods disbelieving): Mmm.
(The doors ding open and Addison leaves. Derek just shakes his head)
(Alex is entering Mauer's patient room with another intern, who is wheeling in a gurney)
Alex: Ok Mauer it's time to return your book to the library. Your surgery is in an hour.
Mauer: What's up with this flop sweat?
(Mauer is sweating like crazy)
Alex: Probably just nerves.
Mauer: But I'm sweating like, like, like Nixon. President Richard Milhous Nixon. (Audrey just shakes her head) That guy could sweat. And I Mauer Paskowitz, I wrote an epic-like crap novel that I sure as shine can sweat like Nixon.
(The two other doctor's and Alex start prepping Mauer for his surgery)
Audrey: It's not that even bad of a book. I read practically every draft.
Mauer: Forgive me honey but you are not exactly Lionel Trilling. It blows.
Alex: Lionel Trilling?
Audrey: He seeks the approval of dead literary critics. The dead don't read Mauer.
Alex: You think of being something other than a writer?
Mauer: No. I am a writer. Mauer Paskowitz! I have no plan B.
Audrey: We can't get married for three years until the damn book is done. Three years I listened to him piss and moan! For what? So he can eat the thing.
Mauer: Ha!
(They move Mauer onto the gurney)
Alex: The computer have a delete button?
Mauer: I wanted to literally put it behind me and start a new book.
Audrey: Okay, we all get the symbolism. It's painfully obvious.
Alex: And obviously painful.
(The wheel Mauer out of the room)
(Bailey is receiving a container for transporting the heart she's supposed to get. Cristina peers around the corner dressed to go home. Cristina creeps up to her as Bailey grabs her stuff and starts heading down the hallway)
Cristina: Uh, hi. I heard that you were going to Twin Falls, Idaho. I've never been.
Bailey: You reached 80 hours?
Cristina: Technically.
Bailey: You're off work Cristina. Go enjoy your day.
(Cristina takes Bailey's coat from her and helps her put it on)
Cristina: I'll enjoy my day if I can help retrieve a heart. Promise.
(Bailey just shakes her head in disbelief but lets Cristina tag along)
Cristina: It's a nice coat.
(Addison is performing an ultrasound on Bex in her patient room. George is in there but her parent's are not)
Addison: You see that Dr. O'Malley?
George: It looks like a tumor is compressing an ovary.
Addison: That's why I biopsed both ovaries.
Bex: Is that bad?
Addison: It's really just a precaution Bex. ( Addison moves away from the bed) Apply pressure Dr. O'Malley.
(Addison puts the biopsied tissue into containers at the end of the bed)
Addison: I'll get this up to Path. You mind doing the dressings?
George: Sure.
Addison: Alright Bex, then we'll get you the results just as soon as possible.
(She takes the containers and leaves. George avoids looking at Bex's wrists which Bex notices)
Bex: You're a doctor, haven't you seen scars before?
George: I'm just trying to figure out why someone with so much talent would want to do that.
(He looks at the comic book that lies on the table in front of her)
Bex: It's just a comic book. It's about me and my best friend Jen, when we were kids. Satisfied?
George: Did she write it with you?
Bex: Jen has a boyfriend like everyone else. I get to be a freak all by myself.
George: Oh, freak. That's not the easiest thing to be in high school is it?
Bex: You sound like my shrink.
George: Hey, I wasn't always a doctor. In high school, I was ... secretary and treasurer ... of the dungeons and dragons club.
Bex (chuckles): Oh man!
George: Yeah. I was also a mathlete and I won the blue ribbon in biology club. Best fetal pig dissection. Yeah, and let me tell you that had the girls knocking down my door. You just have to get through high school. Cause high school sucks for anyone who's the least bit different. But then there's college. And out in the real world, you will find where you fit in.
Bex: You think so?
George: Yeah, I know so.
(Izzie is entering Denny's room. Denny has his eyes closed and looks like he is asleep)
Denny (opens his eyes): Hi.
(Izzie lets a small gasp)
Izzie: Denny. Ha ha, I thought you were asleep.
Denny: Nah, I don't sleep in hospitals. Scared I'll never wake up.
(Izzie gets out her stethoscope and checks Denny's heartbeat)
Denny: Can I ask you something personal?
Izzie: If I say no?
Denny: I'll hold my breath which will stop my heart, killing me. You're right here, you'll be charged with murder. Lifetime in prison loved by a big old girl named Hilde.
Izzie: So my choices are homicide charges or inappropriate personal questions from a patient.
Denny: I know, kinda sucks.
(Izzie starts entering information in the computer next to Denny)
Izzie: You know what? Hold your breath. I'll take my chances with Hilde. I can do girl on girl.
Denny: Oh so you're brining up girl on girl? How can I blackmail if you bring up girl on girl?
Izzie (smiling): What do you wanna know?
Denny: That guy Alex. You with him?
Izzie: No. Not anymore and never ever again.
Denny: Good.
Izzie: Good?
Denny: Yeah good. It means I won't have to fight him for you.
Izzie: What makes you think I want you to fight him for me?
Denny: Hello? You are in love with me.
Izzie (laughs): Am I?
Denny (grinning): Yeah, it's not your fault. I mean I'm well off but not into money. I'm smart but I'm not a know-it-all. I'm funny. I'm really nice. I love animals. (Izzie fake swoons) And I'm hot. I'm a catch. You know if you can wrap your head around the enlarged failing heart and the dependency to IV meds.
Izzie (playful): You're right. I am so in love with you. It's a shame really, since I'm with Hilde and all.
(They both chuckle and Izzie leaves)
(Meredith's house)
(Meredith has piles of laundry on the kitchen breakfast table. She is folding sheets while Doc sits next to the table)
Meredith (to Doc): There. Five loads of laundry. I have literally washed the past out of my life.
(Doc just pants)
(Pathology lab)
(Addison is looking through a microscope. George enters)
George: You paged me?
Addison: Yeah, have a look at this. It's Bex's biopsy.
(Addison moves away from the microscope and George steps up to have a look)
George: Biopsied ovary?
Addison: Not exactly. I've arranged a meeting with Bex's parents, George. Oh and find out who the on-call psychiatrist is and if they're available to join us.
George (looks up): Does she have cancer?
Addison: No, it's not an ovary. It's a testis.
George: A testis? (He looks back into the microscope) Are you sure?
Addison: Yes. I'm sure.
George (amazed): Bex is a hermaphrodite?
Addison: Yes.
(Helicopter)
(Cristina is sitting in a seat shooting glances at Bailey's stomach, who sits in two seats across the aisle with her eyes closed. Bailey awakens and sees Cristina looking)
Bailey: Yang, why are you staring at my fat pregnant belly?
Cristina: Sorry, I'm ...
(She looks out the window)
(Conference Room)
(George, Addison and Raj the psych guy are sitting at a table. Mr. Singleton is pacing around the room, while Mrs. Singleton sits across from them)
Mr. Singleton: Let me get this straight. You're telling me that our daughter, my daughter, you're telling me my daughter might actually be a boy?
Mrs. Singleton: That, how is that possible? (Mr. Singleton sits down next to his wife) I don't understand. I don't understand how-
Mr. Singleton (interrupts): Shouldn't this have been detected somehow?
Addison: Externally, Bex has female genitalia. She looks like a girl, but internally she has both female and male s*x organs.
Mrs. Singleton (upset): So what now? What are we supposed to do? I don't understand.
Addison: Ok, the best news is that the lymph node tumor is benign. So physically Bex is going to be just fine but emotionally (she looks at Raj), psychologically I strongly recommend therapy.
Mr. Singleton: She's already in therapy.
Addison: I'm talking about therapy for all of you. This is not going to be easy for Bex to hear and it's, it's not going to be easy adjustment for you to make.
Mrs. Singleton: My god. My poor girl.
Mr. Singleton: A big adjustment? What kind of adjustment?
Raj: Many inter-sex people begin to identify very strongly with one s*x and it's not necessarily the s*x they've been raised.
Mrs. Singleton (adamant): She's, she's a girl. She looks like a girl; she has always been a girl.
George: It at least helps explain why she feels so different.
(The parents just stare at him)
Raj: The point is that biologically and emotionally speaking, she has a choice to make.
Mrs. Singleton: A choice?
(Mauer is being wheeled down the hallway for his surgery by the same 2 interns as before and Alex with Audrey walking beside them)
Mauer: My mouth feels all weird.
Audrey (sarcastic): Chewing paper will have that effect lover.
Alex: Weird how?
Mauer: Pins and needles. No needles and pins. Needles and pins. Yeah, yeah. Sprouting from my fingers and toes like, like, like ... lord god give me a simile.
Alex (to Audrey): Is he always this way?
Audrey: The man ate a novel, he's not exactly normal. But he got weirder the more he ate. He's like obsessed.
(They stop as they meet the Chief. Alex hands Richard the chart)
Richard: Mr. Paskowitz, I'm Dr. Webber. I'm going to be performing your surgery today.
(They all wheel Mauer into the elevator)
Mauer: I poured my heart and soul into that freaking book and now it's stuck up my ass! Put that on my tombstone Audrey! On my tombstone!
(Denny's room as he just taps his fingers in a rhythm obviously agitated. Izzie walks in)
Denny: Hey Dr. Stevens.
Izzie: Hey Denny. You ok?
Denny: I've been waiting for this a long time you know? You're going to open up my chest, take out my heart and replace it with another one.
Izzie: Well not me and not another heart. A better heart.
Denny: What if something goes wrong?
(Izzie walks up to Denny's bedside)
Izzie: Don't be nervous. Dr. Burke is an incredible surgeon and you're getting a new heart today. Just keep thinking about that.
Denny: Yeah ok.
(Burke walks in with Denny's chart)
Burke: Denny!
Denny: Preston Burke. My favorite cardio-thoracic surgeon.
Burke: Oh, your only cardio-thoracic surgeon, but thanks. I will be on the phone with Dr. Bailey as the organ recovery progresses. We wanna make sure that the heart stays viable, isn't damaged while the other organs are perfused. We'll have you in the O.R and if it is a go, we'll start the procedure before she even gets back.
(Burke hands Izzie the chart)
Denny: Hey Izzie.
Izzie: Yeah?
Denny: I'm getting a new heart.
Izzie (smiles and nods): You're getting a new heart.
(They smile at each other)
Izzie: I'll see ya.
Denny: Bye.
(She leaves)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Addison and George are walking down the hallway to Bex's room. They meet Bex's parent outside the room)
Mr. Singleton: Ah excuse me, ah uh Mary and I were talking. Ah and ah we think Bex should stay...
Mrs. Singleton (interrupts): She can't handle something like this. You saw the scars.
George (amazed): You're not going to tell her?
(Mr. and Mrs. Singleton shake their heads)
George: But this could help her. You can't not tell her who she is.
Addison: Dr. O'Malley. (To the parents) Uh we'll go ahead and proceed with scheduled surgery to remove the tumor and then you can talk to your daughter in your own time.
Mrs. Singleton: Actually, we were thinking (she gestures for her husband to continue)
Mr. Singleton: We thought since you're already going to be in there ... Uh we know fixed isn't the right word but-
Mrs. Singleton (interrupts): We were thinking that with the hormonal confusion, it might be easier on her to remove whatever boy parts she has.
(George looks horrified)
Mr. Singleton: Keep her more of a girl.
Addison: Just to be clear you're asking me to perform sexual reassignment surgery on your daughter?
Mr. & Mrs. Singleton: Yes.
George (astounded): Without her knowing?
Mr. Singleton: Well all she's said all her life is that she wants to be normal. She doesn't feel normal.
Mrs. Singleton: Why can't we just put an end to her agony?
Addison: First of all removing her male sexual organs may not do that, in fact it could do just the opposite.
Mrs. Singleton: But her hormones...
George: Can be controlled with an oral medication.
Mr. Singleton: We just want the best for Bex.
Addison: To do surgery and alter her body permanently is ... well I just would never to do that on someone who isn't aware of the procedure and you're going to hard-pressed to find a surgeon who will.
(She walks off)
George: Bex will learn the truth someday. (Bex walks up to her room door and looks on) How do you want her to find out? ... Excuse me.
(He walks away)
(Nursing Home)
(Meredith is walking through the nursing home when Nurse Linda calls out to her)
Nurse Linda: Meredith! Hi.
(Meredith walks up to her)
Meredith: Hi. I had the morning off so I thought I would come and see how my mother's doing.
Nurse Linda: Oh, she's fine. She's in the sitting room.
Meredith: Thanks.
Nurse Linda: She's in good spirits. Visitors really cheer her up.
(Linda wanders off)
Meredith (to herself): Visitors?
(She looks over and sees Derek walking up and making himself a cup of coffee)
(Seattle Scenes)
(Nursing Home)
(Meredith is now talking angrily to Derek in an empty hallway)
Meredith: What are you doing here?
Derek: There is a clinical trial to study the progression of early onset Alzheimer's.
Meredith: Okay me you can screw with. My mother, no. Not acceptable.
Derek: Well there has been some really promising results from similar studies in Europe. Your mother is a prime candidate.
Meredith: My mother is very sick and has very few good days. And I don't want her being poked and prodded for some experimental program.
Derek (nods): I'm just trying to help.
Meredith: Well see this, what you're doing, being Dreamy. It doesn't help. It hurts me. It messes with my head.
Derek: I know the feeling.
Meredith: I don't doubt that but you have a wife to go home to and I'm guessing she has no idea where you are right now.
Derek (chuckles): No, she doesn't.
Meredith: It's what I thought.
(She walks away)
(Twin Falls hospital, OR)
(Bailey and Cristina are in the OR with the operating team about to perform surgery on the organ donor. A scrubs nurse hands Bailey the telephone)
Nurse: Dr. Bailey.
(Bailey accepts the phone)
Bailey: Dr. Burke.
(Cristina looks up at this)
Burke (over the phone): Talk to me Bailey. What are we looking at?
(Cristina makes weird gestures to tell Bailey to say she's not here. Bailey is looking through the donor's chart)
Bailey: The uh donor's on 25 mics of dopamine.
(Burke is on a mobile phone walking down a hallway in SGH)
Burke: 25 mics? That's too much.
(Back to the O.R)
Bailey: They started him on 5mics of dobutamine 30 minutes prior to arrival.
(Back to SGH)
Burke: Are they trying to kill my heart? What is the central venous pressure now?
(Back to the O.R)
Bailey (to Cristina): CVP. Go.
Cristina: Around 10.
Bailey: Around 10.
Cristina: MAP close to 80.
(Bailey nods)
Burke: And his mean arterial pressure?
Bailey: Close to 80.
(Switch back to SGH)
Burke: I can live with a CVP close to 5 and a MAP about 60. That heart needs to be off the dobutamine.
(Switch back to the O.R)
Bailey (to the O.R team): The heart needs to be off the dobutamine.
(Switch back to Burke)
Burke: And tell them to get the dopamine back down to 10 mics. (Switch to the OR where Bailey shakes her head) and get them to get another 2 units of blood.
(SGH)
(Burke hangs up the phone and walks into Denny's pre-op room where Izzie is already standing)
Denny: Are we a go Doc?
Burke: Still no final word. I want to you have the healthiest heart I can find.
Denny: Dr. Stevens, you'll be in there with us right?
(Izzie looks at Dr. Burke who nods at her)
Izzie: Yeah I'll be in there with you.
(Denny smiles)
(Richard is about to perform surgery on Mauer with Alex helping him. Meredith sits watching still dressed in regular clothes. George enters with a cup of coffee and sits next to her)
George: Hey aren't you supposed to be having free time?
Meredith: Oh, I did 5 loads of laundry. Cut my split ends, studied, cleaned out the fridge. Free time sucks.
George: When would it have been the right time to hear about your boyfriend's wife?
Meredith (gives him a look): Ok are you mad at me or something?
George: No! No. Sorry. It's just I have this patient and I get that there's a right and a wrong time to hear big news but wouldn't you rather no sooner than later? I mean just so you could move forward one way or the other. It's a fresh start, right?
(OR)
Richard: See the little white line of Toldt. Now we can mobilize the lateral border of the left colon. (to Scrubs nurse) Clamp. (he gets a clamp) When Leo Tolstoy here wakes up, you might get him to revisit the idea of a new vocation.
Alex: He was pretty against the idea.
Richard: Yeah well hopefully it was just delirium.
Alex: If it's alright, I'd like to keep an extra eye on him post-op. He's acting pretty strange.
Richard: He ate a novel. Clearly he's pretty strange.
Alex: Yeah you know I just don't want to overlook anything.
Richard: Seriously Karev I'm short-handed all over the hospital. ... Ok here we go.
(He reaches in and pulls out the clump of blood paper that is Mauer's novel. He holds it up for everybody to see)
Richard (calls out): Anybody here tempted to read this? ... No takers? Could be the great American novel we'll never know. (He puts the clump in a dish to the side) He needs a plan B.
Alex: He's not the only one.
Richard: You don't think you passed?
Alex: Eh, I thought I passed the first time.
Richard: Just wait and see. Right now today, you're still here.
(Bex's room where George is checking up on her)
Bex: Did you tell my parents about the pill?
George: No.
Bex: Am I gonna die? Is that what no one wants to tell me?
George: Of course not.
Bex: Then why are my parents acting so ... would you just tell me what's going on?
George (writing in her chart): What's going on is uh we're prepping you for surgery to remove the lymph node tumor that's compressing your ...
Bex: Ovary.
(Addison and Bex's parents walk into the room)
Addison: Hey Bex.
Bex (sits up): Mom. Dad. This is really freaking me out.
Mrs. Singleton: Oh no everything is going to be fine Bex.
Mr. Singleton: It's ok sweetie.
Bex: I'm having surgery to remove a tumor that's compressing my ovary, right George?
(George is silent)
Addison: Dr. O'Malley.
(She gives a slight shake of her head for him to be quiet)
Bex: George? (George looks sick and remains silent) George?
George: What am I just supposed to lie to her?
Addison: Ok, that's enough. Dr. O'Malley, please leave the room.
(George puts down the chart and starts heading out)
Bex: No wait! Tell me what's wrong with me. What is wrong with me?
(George just looks at the parents who give each other glances)
Mr. Singleton: Bex ... (his wife nods) we learned that your tumor ... it's not compressing an ovary.
Bex: Then where is it?
Mrs. Singleton: It's on a testis.
Bex: Like a testicle? (Everyone is silent) I have testicles?
Addison: Yes one. Bex this is a tremendous amount of information for you...
Bex (interrupts): And I've had it my whole life? ... Oh my god. Does this mean...does this mean I could be a boy?
(Addison gives George a disapproving look as do both the parents)
Bex (whispers to herself): Yes.
(Hallway outside Bex's room. George is standing out there with Bex's parents who are very upset. Addison is there also)
Mrs. Singleton: You engineered that conversation! You forced our hand.
George: Well you were lying to her.
Mr. Singleton: We were protecting her.
Mrs. Singleton: She's a 14-year old girl.
George: Well maybe, maybe not.
(They give him appalled looks)
Mrs. Singleton: This isn't your life! This isn't your child! 14 years! 14 years we have raised a daughter, in one afternoon you expect us to what?!? What is Bex is supposed to do? How is she supposed to go home and tell the other kids? What? You had no right!
(Addison moves to interrupt but George gets there first)
George: No, I know I'm off the case, right?
(He walks away while Mr. Singleton tries to calm Mrs. Singleton down)
(Post-op ward where Mauer lies in one of the many beds. Alex walks up to him. Mauer is trying to climb out of the bed)
Alex: Whoa, Mauer. Mauer lay back. You just had surgery. You're losing your shirt man.
Mauer: Much obliged, brock, brock. Much obliged, pal.
Alex (checks Mauer's pupils): How do you feel?
Mauer: What's whacked for 20 Alex? Weeds, whack, weeds, whack for 200.
(Alex looks on concerned)
(Derek is still dressed in regular clothing and Richard walking down a hospital hallway)
Derek: I saw Ellis.
Richard: And?
Derek: I think I can get her into the clinical trial. She's the perfect candidate.
Richard: Excellent. Thank you, Derek.
Derek: You realize this requires Meredith's power of attorney?
Richard (nods): Yeah.
Derek: Might be better if it's coming from you. With me, there's baggage. You, you're just trying to help out a friend.
Richard: Right. Right.
Derek: Well, let me know if Meredith wants me to make the call.
(Derek walks off, leaving Richard pondering his own true intentions. He then notices Alex at the nurse's station nearby)
Richard: Karev? (He walks up to Alex) What are you doing?
Alex: Research on the bezoar patient.
Richard: I told you I needed you on the floor.
Alex: He has fever, sweats, tingling in his lips, fingers, toes, mood swings and a lack of co-ordination. And did I mention the crazy talk?
Richard: Your point?
Alex: My point is, he ate his novel.
Richard: I know.
Alex: Mercury's in the paper. He's got mercury poisoning.
(Richard looks a little surprised)
(Twin Falls hospital, OR)
(Bailey is performing the operation on the donor with other doctors while Cristina watches on)
Bailey: Cristina, call Burke. I'm feeling some fairly extensive damage from coronary artery disease.
Cristina (looks slightly ill at this): Um...
Bailey: Yang?
(Cristina walks over to the phone. Scene switches to SGH where Burke answers his phone in a hospital hallway)
Burke: Talk me to Bailey.
Cristina: It's me.
Burke: I can't talk I'm waiting for a call from Bailey.
Cristina (quiet): I'm with Bailey.
Burke (does a double take): You're in Idaho?
(Scene switches back to Cristina)
Cristina: Yeah.
Burke: You're breaking the rules.
Cristina: Yes.
(Scene switches to back to Burke. Richard walks up to him)
Richard: Preston. What's happening with our heart?
Burke: Hello, Dr. Webber. Tell me what I need to know about Denny's heart, Dr. Bailey.
(Cristina has an oh crap look on her face)
(Denny's pre-op room where Izzie is checking Denny's heart beat again. She looks outside and sees Richard pat Burke comfortingly and walk off. Burke sees her and gestures for her to meet him outside)
(Meredith is standing at a nurse's station filling in some paper work when Richard walks up and stands next to her)
Richard: This program Derek looked into was a favor to me.
Meredith (looks up disbelieving): Nice try.
Richard: Sometimes Meredith, a favor is just a favor. This treatment won't cure your mother. It won't give her a new lease on life but it may give her more good days. I urge you to consider.
(Mauer is lying in his own post-op room with Alex checking on him)
Mauer: Lying here trapped in this flesh prison I've reached a grim conclusion. I'm a failure. (He turns to Alex) You know how that feels?
Alex: Dude, if you only knew.
Mauer: Even my manic attempt to put my failed novel behind me failed. Time for a plan B, I reckon. Time, indeed. Perhaps I shall play the cello.
Alex: We make a mistake here and people die. It happens all the time.
Mauer: All the time?
Alex: There's a lot.
Mauer: This is part of the hallucination, right?
Alex: My point is we all have set-backs Mauer. But I'm a doctor and you're a writer. We don't have a plan B.
(Richard and Audrey walk into the room. Audrey walks up to Mauer's bedside)
Mauer (jokingly): Call Security!
(Audrey just takes his hand and smiles at him)
Richard (to Alex): Have you determined a course of treatment for the mercury poisoning, Dr. Karev?
Alex: Yeah the patient has been administered a chelator called British Anti Leukocyte which will absorb the mercury over the next several days.
Richard: Good work doctor.
(Richard leaves the room)
(Helicopter)
(Cristina and Bailey are sitting in the same spots as they were before. Cristina is caught staring at Bailey's stomach again)
Bailey: Yang.
(They look at each other for a bit)
Cristina: You know what's wrong with having an 80 hour limit? It protects the weak. It levels the playing field. Which not only sucks. It's, it's dangerous.
Bailey: 80 hour work week. That's what's on your mind? (Cristina looks down) I thought about it. Not keeping it.
Cristina: You did?
Bailey: My husband and I ... we tried for years but still when that stick turned blue ... Well you can't work the way we work, you can't want the kind of careers that we want and not take pause. I took pause.
Cristina: You paused?
Bailey: I paused. I paused a very long time.
Cristina: So why did ...
Bailey: I sat up one night. Middle of the night ... and I knew I could do this... I still don't know how I'm gonna do this, but ... I knew I could do it. You just have to know and when you don't know then no one can fault you for it. You do what you can, when you can, while you can. And when you can't, you can't.
(Denny's room)
(Izzie is standing in the room waiting for Denny to wake up)
Denny: You're stalking me. You're a stalker.
(Izzie turns around to face him)
Izzie: Well, can you blame me?
Denny: So it's bad.
Izzie: You have time.
Denny: Liar.
Izzie: Fine, there's no time.
Denny: Well that's just spiteful. ... I didn't get the heart.
Izzie (shakes her head slightly): You didn't get the heart.
(Seattle Scenes)
(Bex's room)
(Bex is sitting up on her bed by herself looking fairly happy. George enters the room)
George: Hey.
Bex: Hey George.
(He drops himself down on the bed)
George: Hey, I just, I just wanted to check in on ya.
Bex: Heard my parents weren't too happy with you.
George: Nope.
Bex: Thanks for telling me. For making them tell me.
George (nods): You know um there are people that you can talk to. I can if you'd like...
Bex (interrupts): I know. ... ... George, do I have to be a boy now?
George: No. No.
Bex: But I can if I want to.
George: Yeah you can, if you want.
Bex: Hey, could you, would you bring me some scissors?
(George nods)
MVO: Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins?
(Meredith is waiting against a wall on the hallway for Derek who comes out an elevator and stops in front of her when she calls out his name)
Meredith: Derek.
Derek: Hi.
Meredith: Tell me about the program.
MVO: It's not a day on a calendar. Not a birthday, not a new year.
(Izzie is standing in front of the hospital entrance with Denny who is sitting on a wheelchair being pushed by a nurse)
Izzie: Denny, I'll see ya.
Denny: Goodbye Dr. Stevens.
(The nurse pushes Denny out the sliding doors. Izzie starts heading back more into the hospital when Alex comes up to her)
Alex: Hey. (Gestures to Denny) He's leaving?
Izzie: Didn't get the heart.
Alex: Sorry.
Izzie: Yeah.
Alex: He's a good guy.
Izzie: Yeah, he is.
(Izzie stops and looks outside through the doors and sees Denny standing up. He nods towards her and starts walking off)
MVO: It's an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally it gives us hope.
(Bex's room where Bex is sitting on a chair holding a mirror and looking in it while George cuts her long hair off. Mr. and Mrs. Singleton enter and George stops. Mrs. Singleton walks in and holds out her hand to George. George hands her the pair of scissors and heads out. Mrs. Singleton continues cutting Bex's hair. George watches from the doorway)
MVO: A new way of living and looking at the world.
(Derek's trailer)
(Derek sits on an outdoor chair nursing a beer, his trout cooks on the BBQ. Addison exits from her car)
Derek: I'm cooking the trout outside.
Addison: Thank you.
(She walks up the stairs to the veranda and sits on an empty chair next to Derek)
Addison: Oh. (relaxes) ... There is a land called 'passive-aggressiva' ... and I am their queen.
Derek: That's all I'm saying.
Addison (she takes the beer from him and takes a sip): So what? With Meredith? Am I just supposed to wait it out? Wait until it passes?
Derek: That'd be good.
Addison (nods): I still hate the trailer.
(She hands him back the beer)
Derek: As is your right.
MVO: Letting go of old habits, old memories.
(SGH Parking lot)
(Cristina is standing, waiting outside for Burke. Burke walks out and up to her)
Cristina: I wasn't gonna have it. The baby. And you don't get to be mad about that, we barely knew each other. I was an intern and there was no way I could even...
Burke (interrupts): I'm not mad.
Cristina (appraises him): You're not?
Burke: No. I just wanted to know. (Cristina half nods) I wanna know things.
MVO: What's important is that we never stop believing, we can have a new beginning.
(Meredith's house, bathroom)
(Izzie and George are sitting on the floor sharing a pizza. Doc is heard barking loudly. You can also now here Meredith yelling at the dog about her laundry. Izzie and George look up at this. Meredith opens up the bathroom door)
Meredith: You don't eat laundry. Bad dog! Bad dog! Bad!
(She closes the door with arms filled with laundry)
MVO: But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to.
(Meredith throws down her laundry and sits next to George who opens up the pizza box for her. Izzie resumes reading her magazine and Meredith takes a slice of pizza and starts eating it) | Plan: A: Dr. Webber; Q: Who enforces the 80-hour-per-week maximum rule for interns? A: Derek; Q: Who wants to enroll Ellis in an experimental treatment for Alzheimer's? A: Meredith; Q: Who doesn't want Derek to enroll Ellis in an Alzheimer's treatment? A: his help; Q: What does Meredith not want from Derek? A: Alex; Q: Who treats a writer who ate his entire novel? A: Izzie; Q: Who is getting over Alex? A: an undeniable chemistry; Q: What does Izzie share with Denny Duquette? A: Denny Duquette; Q: Who is the patient awaiting a heart transplant? A: the ride; Q: What does Cristina go along for when Bailey goes to retrieve Denny's heart? A: Bex; Q: Who is the young teen that George and Addison treat? A: intersex; Q: What is Bex's condition? Summary: Dr. Webber enforces an 80-hour-per-week maximum rule for the interns. Derek wants to enroll Ellis in an experimental treatment for Alzheimer's , but Meredith doesn't want his help and Derek needs Dr. Webber to intervene. Alex treats a writer who ate his entire novel. Izzie seems to be getting over Alex when she shares an undeniable chemistry with Denny Duquette, a patient awaiting a heart transplant. Bailey goes to retrieve Denny's heart, taking Cristina along for the ride. Meanwhile George and Addison treat Bex, a young teen who is intersex . |
[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Bedroom. Night time. It is storming. Phoebe is sitting on her bed. She gets up and closes the window. There's a knock on the door.]
Phoebe: Come in.
(The door opens and the Seer walks in carrying a tray. Demons are chanting out in the living room. The Seer puts down the tray and picks up a glass of tonic.)
Seer: My queen, it's time for your tonic.
Phoebe: Can you do anything about this thunder because it is making me nuts.
Cole: I have no sway over the weather. I do have a friend who works with wind but she's out of town.
Phoebe: What about demons? Any sway over them? Because I swear, if they don't shut up. (She takes a sip of the tonic and screws up her face.) I hate this stuff!
Seer: It's for you own good.
Phoebe: Well, whatever happened to regular old vitamins.
Seer: There's nothing regular about your pregnancy. The new power you're experiencing is a mere shadow of what's to come. The tonic strengthens you to bear the weight of it.
Phoebe: Okay, well, then do me a favour. Find me something that strengthens me and doesn't taste like crap.
Seer: Are you feeling alright?
Phoebe: Yeah, it's just, (she plops down on the bed) I have all this work that I have to do and (yells) I can't concentrate!
(A demon shuts the bedroom door.)
Seer: But you are queen now. There's no reason for you to continue with this work at all.
Phoebe: I like my work. It's a good distraction.
Seer: A distraction from what? Still struggling with your decision?
Phoebe: No, I mean, I love Cole and you know, don't get me wrong this whole queen thing is kinda fun, it's just...
Seer: Your sisters.
Phoebe: Yeah, I don't understand why they have to be so stubborn. Why they can't just respect my decision.
Seer: Because it's not in their nature of good to compromise. They'll never understand, they'll only want to change you back. The sooner you accept that and let them go, the happier you will be. Here, drink your tonic.
(She hears an explosion.)
Phoebe: What the hell is going on out there? You know, ever since the coronation all he does is work.
Seer: The underworld's been in chaos for some time. He has a great task...
Phoebe: I don't care. I want some attention from my husband. You're excused.
Seer: Make certain you drink that upon waking.
(She disappears. Phoebe goes out into the living room.)
Phoebe: It is after midnight, Cole, come to bed.
Cole: Phoebe, please, we're in the middle of a ceremony.
Demon: We're almost done.
Phoebe: Almost doesn't work for me.
(She throws fire at two demons and vanquishes them. The rest shimmer out.)
Cole: I thought we talked about this.
Phoebe: Sorry, it's hormones.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Manor. Attic. Piper and Paige are there. Piper is making potions while Paige looks through the Book of Shadows.]
Paige: Damn it, I have read through this fifteen times, there is nothing even remotely helpful about how to save Phoebe.
Piper: I told you, she made a choice. There's no magical cure for that.
Paige: Yeah, well, she's pregnant, Piper, so she's being influenced by the baby inside.
Piper: And we could've helped her overcome that but she chose Cole.
Paige: Will you just stop with the potions already? You've already over run the kitchen, I'd say we have enough.
Piper: This one duplicates my freezing power plus it scalds the flesh, so we should only use it in a dire emergency.
Paige: No! I will not Phoebe's flesh, she's still our sister.
(Leo orbs in.)
Leo: Paige. (She walks over to him.) How is she?
Paige: She's like Piper light. All the personality without any of those messy emotions.
Leo: Rumour on the demonic grape vine is the new queen is killing upper level demons. Word is she killed two just last night.
Paige: What does that mean?
Leo: It means it looks like Phoebe's working from the inside for the good guys.
Paige: That's great.
Piper: Since when do you guys believe rumours that are spread by demons?
[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Demons are sitting around a long glass table. A hologram of a woman's head is sitting in the middle of the table.]
Demon #2: Alison Whitt. Among other things, she's spear heading the campaign to clean up Delora's Park.
Demon #3: That's my district.
Demon #4: I've got men there too.
Demon #3: Since when?
Demon #4: Since I put them there.
Demon #3: Then they're working my territory.
Cole: Gentlemen, it's all my territory. Next.
(The hologram turns into a man.)
Demon #2: Gregory Conroy. Probation officer to juvenile offenders. Manages to rehabilitate the worst of the worst. He's cost us several potential demons.
Cole: (to demon #4) He's yours.
(The demon nods.)
Demon #2: He works at the...
(Phoebe walks in. The demons get a little frightened.)
Phoebe: Relax, boys, I'm here to cook not kill. Although I'd keep your voices down if I were you. (She pretends to use her power and they jump.) Ah! (She smiles.) Hi, honey.
(She kisses him on the cheek and she leaves the room.)
Cole: Honey.
(He follows her.)
Phoebe: Will your friends be staying for dinner?
Cole: I'm gonna find it hard enough to convince them to stay till the end of the meeting unless you stop threatening them to kill them.
Phoebe: I was kidding.
Cole: You killed five of my best demons this week, so forgive me if I'm missing the joke.
Phoebe: Oh, baby, I'm sorry.
Cole: I know I've been working a lot. But that should lighten up soon. In the mean time no more killing. Promise?
Phoebe: Promise.
Cole: It's hard enough for them to accept the fact that my queen is a former Charmed One. We don't want them to think you're playing both sides.
Phoebe: I said I promise but if it'll make you feel better. (She goes into the other room.) Hi, um, I just wanna say that I'm really sorry for killing your friends last night. Oh, and, um, the night before that. And it's nothing personal, you know, it's just...
(She touches demon #4 and has a premonition of him killing Gregory.)
Cole: Phoebe, was that a...
Phoebe: Cramp. I just need to lie down.
Cole: Should I call the Seer?
Phoebe: No, no, I'm fine.
(She goes into her room and listens.)
Cole: Where were we?
Demon #2: Gregory Conroy. Malick's in for the kill. He spends his time at Permission Hill community centre.
(Phoebe picks up the tonic and pours it in a pot plant.)
[Scene: Manor. Dining room. Piper, Paige and Leo are there. Piper is showing them the potions.]
Piper: These are meant to slow an attacker down but not do real serious harm, it's kind of like magical mace.
Paige: Sounds reasonable I guess.
Piper: These are a little more lethal - explosives, paralytics, your garden variety of poisons.
Leo: So you're gonna poison Phoebe?
Piper: Leo, she's carrying the spawn of the Source, she's throwing fire from her hands. If she shows up here, we'll do what we have to do to protect ourselves.
Paige: You're not even giving her a chance.
Piper: Paige, we gave her every chance in the world to come back to us and she threw it in our faces. She chose the Source of all evil over her own family.
(Phoebe flames in.)
Phoebe: Surprise! (Piper quickly grabs a potion and throws it towards Phoebe. Phoebe throws fire at the potion, disintegrating it.) Nice to see you too, Piper.
Piper: What do you want?
Phoebe: Oh, and here I thought you'd be happy to see me.
Paige: I'm happy to see you.
Piper: Paige.
Paige: What?
Piper: Unless you're here to tell us you filed for a divorce, we don't really have much to talk about.
Phoebe: Oh that's not true. For instance we could talk about how rigid you are. It's really not a very attractive quality.
(Piper picks up another potion.)
Leo: Wait. Phoebe, what are you doing here?
Phoebe: I had a premonition. We have an innocent to save and not a lot of time.
Paige: That is so great. Look, I told you.
Phoebe: Don't get excited, it's not what you think. I haven't changed my mind, I'm not leaving Cole and I'm not renouncing my ground. It's just I've never ignored a premonition in my life and I'm not about to start now.
Piper: Uh, Phoebe, you're evil. You're like the queen of all evil, literally.
Phoebe: That's beside the point.
Piper: How can that be beside the point?
Paige: I say we do it.
Piper: What?
Paige: Excuse me. (She pulls Piper and Leo aside.) Look, this is what we've been hoping for. A sign that there's still good in her. Why else would she care about saving the innocent?
Piper: Because it's a trap.
Paige: Piper, this could be our only chance.
Leo: I think Paige is right. By helping her do good, it might sway her back to our side.
Piper: Fine.
Paige: (to Phoebe) Okay, you're on, we'll follow you.
(Piper grabs some potions.)
Phoebe: What's that for?
Piper: Insurance.
[Cut to an alley. Piper, Paige and Leo orb in. Phoebe flames in.]
Paige: Argh, why do I always have to land in the mud.
Phoebe: Come on, over here.
(They stand behind some wooden crates.)
Leo: How do you know when he's gonna get attacked?
Phoebe: I know. (Gregory walks around the corner.) There he is.
(Malick shimmers in behind him. Piper freezes Gregory. Malick looks around.)
Piper: Hey. (Piper goes to blow him up and Phoebe knocks her. She blows up a bike near by.)
Phoebe: No, Piper.
Piper: What are you doing?
(An energy ball appears in Malick's hand.)
Phoebe: Stop. (She walks towards Malick. Malick kneels down.)
Malick: My queen.
Phoebe: Leave that innocent alone. Go. (Malick shimmers out. Piper, Paige and Leo stare at her.) What? One of my subjects.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Alley. Continued from before.]
Piper: How-how-how could you do that? How could you just let him go?
Phoebe: I don't know you're so upset, we saved the innocent didn't we?
Piper: I can't talk to her, you talk to her.
Leo: Phoebe...
Phoebe: Things are not as black and white as they used to be. Okay, I can't just go around killing demons anymore.
Paige: Why not? We heard you just killed two last night.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, that was different, he was getting on my nerves. I promised Cole I wouldn't kill anymore. And killing Malick would've been a huge betrayal.
Piper: Malick? You're on a first name basis with the demons?
Leo: If you were just gonna order him to stop you could've done that on your own. Why did you even come to us?
Phoebe: Because I missed you guys! Okay, is that so wrong? I missed you.
Leo: Phoebe, you can't be the queen of the underworld and a Charmed One. You can't have it both ways.
Phoebe: Why not? Just because it's different doesn't mean that it can't work. And you all miss me too even though I'm sure Piper probably doesn't want to admit it to herself.
Paige: Of course we miss you, honey.
Phoebe: Well, you can have me back. You can have the power of three back. You just have to be willing to meet me half way.
Piper: Phoebe, you can't protect the innocent and save demons, it just doesn't work that way.
Phoebe: Apparently it does. He's alive isn't he?
Paige: Yeah, but your friend Malick is gonna come back.
Phoebe: You don't know that.
Piper: That's what they do, Phoebe, they come back. They snarl and come back.
Paige: Yeah, and now we have to worry about protecting him instead of trying to save you.
Phoebe: You think I need saving?
Piper: Are you kidding me? That baby inside you has corrupted you more than you think.
Phoebe: Piper.
Piper: Don't Piper me. This is insane, what you are saying is insane. You cannot come back, you cannot work with us as long as you are married to the Source.
Phoebe: So what do you want me to do? Do you want me to leave my husband?
Piper: Yes.
Phoebe: That is not fair!
Leo: It's not fair, Phoebe, but you have to pick a side, good or evil. That's how it works. Even though it means giving up someone you love, you have to choose.
Phoebe: I'm really sorry you feel that way.
(Phoebe flames out.)
Piper: I can't do this.
(She starts to walk away.)
Paige: What about Greg?
(Piper unfreezes him. Greg goes over to where his bike was chained.)
Greg: Oh, no, not again. (He sees Paige and Leo.) Did you guys see anyone take off on a chromium orange bicycle?
Paige: No, sorry.
Greg: Why did I bother locking it?
(He walks away.)
Paige: Uh, what should we do?
Leo: Follow him.
[Scene: The underworld. A cave. Cole and a demon are there.]
Demon #2: They were animal sacrifice cabins. The worst part they've been abandoned.
Cole: Waste of space don't you think? Put a team on it, have it cleaned out.
Malick: My liege.
(He walks in. The guard stands in front of him.)
Guard: State your business.
Malick: I have news for the Source. It concerns his queen.
Cole: What happened? Is she hurt?
Malick: No, the Charmed Ones interfered with my kill.
Cole: I have no control over my in-laws. If you want them out of the way I suggest you take backup.
Malick: I mean all three of them. Including the queen. She ordered me not to harm the innocent. I thought you should know.
Cole: Have you told anyone else?
Malick: No. I came straight to you.
Cole: Thank you for your loyalty.
(Cole vanquishes Malick and the guard. He turns to Demon #2.)
Demon #2: Am I next?
Cole: No, Dane, you I trust. It's just my damn wife.
Dane: With all do respect, I think you'd better take care of the innocent before others hear of this.
(Cole waves his hand and another demon appears.)
Demon #5: My liege. (He bows.)
Cole: Get up, I have a job for you.
[Cut to a building. An AA meeting is taking place. Paige and Leo are standing at the back of he room.]
Woman: The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for membership, we are self supporting for our own contribution. We do not wish to engage in any controversy...
Leo: So do you really think Piper's okay?
Paige: I don't know but I think it's good that she's feeling something again.
Leo: Right, right. She's probably fine. So you just think I just need to give her some space, right?
Paige: You could try that.
Leo: It's just when Piper lost Prue, she barely survived and she thinks she's really gonna lose Phoebe and I think she might just...
Paige: Listen, just go talk to her, okay, remind her that we have a demon to fight. Maybe that'll do her some good and take her mind off Phoebe.
Leo: Right, right. What about you?
Paige: Me, I'm fine. Listen, I don't think Malick's gonna attack in front of all these people, so just go get Piper and bring her back before the meeting's over, okay?
Leo: Okay, yeah.
(Leo leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Bay Mirror. Phoebe's office. Phoebe's there. Elise walks in.]
Elise: Where's the real column?
Phoebe: Excuse me?
Elise: This is cute, very cleaver, and I appreciate the evening chuckle, but I need to see the real pages.
Phoebe: Are you calling my writing a joke?
Elise: (reading from a page) "Dear Betrayed, I suggest you beat your cheating husband with his secretary's stapler. Then he'll think twice before bending her over her desk again."
Phoebe: Well, it might be a little harsh, but I think it makes a point.
Elise: What it makes is a law suit. So unless you're looking to lose your job...
Phoebe: Are you threatening me?
Elise: I'm telling you to get a shrink if you have to but get it together. (Cole stands at the doorway.) Rewrite that column and do it fast. (She heads for the door. Phoebe gets ready to throw fire at her.) Excuse me.
(She leaves. Phoebe puts out the flames.)
Cole: If you want to kill your boss, we have people who can do that for you.
Phoebe: Aren't you sweet. The truth is she's right. My advice was a little off this week.
Cole: I don't understand what you're doing here. (He closes the door.) You're queen.
Phoebe: And you're cranky. I told you, I'm not quitting my job.
Cole: And what about your other job, are you gonna keep that too?
Phoebe: And what job would that be, Cole?
Cole: The Charmed One. Malick told me what you did.
Phoebe: So what. I let him go.
Cole: That doesn't make it okay!
Phoebe: Keep your voice down, this is where I work.
(She shuts the blinds.)
Cole: You can't save an innocent and free a demon, Phoebe, it doesn't work like that.
Phoebe: You sound like Piper.
Cole: Yeah, well, Piper's right. You made a choice when you stood by me at the coronation. If you're questioning that choice, if you're not sure you want to be with me, you need to let me know.
Phoebe: Of course I wanna be with you, I just don't understand why you have to be so rigid.
Cole: Because I am the Source. Because you are my queen! Because there are expectations!
Phoebe: Do you think I care about anyone's expectations?
Cole: This is not a game, Phoebe. You walked through a one way door. You try to turn around now they will destroy us.
Phoebe: Who, my sisters?
Cole: The underworld. If they think we're working both sides, they will revolt. If they do that, if they unite against us, I promise we will pray for death.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, I didn't...
Cole: I get it, Phoebe, better than anyone, I know what you're going through. It'll rip you apart if you let it.
Phoebe: How do I not let it?
Cole: You make a choice. And you stick to it, even though it's hard, even though it means giving up the people that you love. Let's go home.
(She takes his hand and they flame out.)
[Scene: P3. Leo orbs in. He sees Piper sitting on a chair with her feet on the table, almost passed out. A nearly empty bottle of rum is sitting on the table.]
Piper: We're closed.
Leo: Honey...
Piper: I don't want to talk.
Leo: I know how you're feeling.
Piper: Even more that I don't want to talk. I do not want a pep talk.
Leo: Piper, what are you doing?
Piper: What does it look like I am doing. I'm trying to stop myself from feeling like the failure that I am.
(She fills her glass.)
Leo: You are not a failure, it's not your fault Phoebe...
Piper: I am the oldest sister, okay, it is my job to keep the family together, and see it, this my friend, I am a failure.
Leo: That's enough. (He takes the bottle off her.)
Piper: Paige could see that Cole clearly had turned evil and she tried to tell me over and over and over and over and over. That doesn't even sound like a word anymore.
Leo: You know, I didn't see that he was evil, Piper. Phoebe didn't see it at first, we didn't want to see it. We wanted a normal, happy family, that's just human nature.
Piper: She is my baby sister and I let him destroy her. That is not human nature, that is the nature of failure.
Leo: Alright, I'm not gonna listen to this anymore, you are a good witch and...
(Piper freezes him.)
Piper: I said no pep talks. (She takes the bottle back off him.) Nobody listens around here anymore. (She takes a sip of her drink and falls off her chair.) Ouch.
[Cut to the AA meeting. Everyone is leaving.]
Greg: Tray, congratulations on your thirty days.
(He heads for the door.)
Paige: (whispers) Leo.
(She follows him outside. Greg stops and sees Paige.)
Greg: You again. Are you following me?
Paige: Yes, strangely I am and I would love to explain it to you but it would be so much better if we could go talk inside by the crowd.
(Demon #5 appears in the alley and throws and electric bolt towards Greg. Paige knocks Greg out of the way.)
Greg: What the hell?
Paige: Leo! (The demon throws another electric bolt and this time hits Greg on the shoulder. He pulls out an athame.) Athame! (The athame orbs out of the demon's hand and into Paige's. She throws it at the demon, vanquishing him. She races over to Greg, who is bleeding.) Damn it, where are my sisters!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: P3. Leo is still frozen and Piper is unconscious on the floor. Paige orbs in with Greg.]
Paige: Oh my god, Piper. (She races over to her and sees the empty glass beside her. She touches Leo and he unfreezes.)
Leo: And a good sister... (He looks around.) Paige, wh-?
Paige: You were frozen, Leo, and I'm guessing demons didn't get her.
Leo: No, more like inner-demons. I can't believe she froze me. Are you okay?
Paige: Barely. It was a different demon this time, they really want that guy dead. You're gonna have to heal him and orb him somewhere safe.
Leo: Then what?
Paige: Then I'm gonna put this family back together. Can you heal Piper?
Leo: No, I can't heal self inflicted wounds.
Paige: Great, now I'm down two sisters.
(Paige slaps Piper gently and she wakes up.)
Piper: Aaahh.
[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Bedroom. Phoebe's there. The Seer walks in with a glass of tonic.]
Seer: My queen, it is time for your tonic.
Phoebe: What if I promise never to save any innocents with them ever again? Then can I see my sisters?
Seer: You'll feel better after this.
(Phoebe notices the plant she poured the last lot of tonic into is dying.)
Phoebe: Oh my god, it's poison.
Seer: No.
Phoebe: You told me it was good for me.
Seer: It is.
Phoebe: You're lying!
Seer: Think about it. Last night you were strong, angry perhaps, but now look at you. Whining, it's a weakness unbefitting of a queen.
Phoebe: What's in it?
Seer: Pure evil. The baby feeds on it. And as he grows stronger...
Phoebe: I get weaker.
Seer: Only the good in you.
Phoebe: You're trying to destroy me.
Seer: I'm trying to help you. I gave you clarity when now you have confusion. I gave you conviction where now you have pain.
Phoebe: You took away my will.
Seer: No, you made the choice to stand by your husband all on your own. For you, for Cole, and for your baby. Don't risk all of your lives by questioning that now. Drink the tonic, Phoebe.
(The Seer disappears.)
[Cut to the underworld. A room. A meeting is being held. Cole flames in. He spots Dane.]
Cole: What gives you the authority to call a meeting and summon me?
Dane: I summoned you, my liege, but I didn't call this meeting. We all did.
Cole: Oh. Then someone had better speak.
Dane: We're concerned...
Cole: Someone else.
(A demon walks forward.)
Demon #6: Malick is missing and the Charmed Ones are guarding his mark. Word on the street is that the queen works along side her sisters who interfere with the kill.
(Cole looks at Dane.)
Cole: I wonder how that news spread.
Dane: Forgive our confusion, but we were under the impression that the power of three no longer existed.
Cole: The queen is pregnant, she's prone to hormonal fits. But I can assure you all that the power of three is indeed extinct.
Dane: Then who killed Malick?
Cole: I did. I was convinced he was about to betray me.
Dane: Nevertheless, his mark still lives.
Cole: Then assign someone to finish the task, Dane.
Dane: I believe you already tried that, my liege.
Cole: Are you questioning me?
Dane: The innocent is still in the hands of the witches. Until we've seen evidence that the queen's hormones are indeed under control, it might be best if you took out the mark personally. For morale.
(Cole flames out.)
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Piper and Paige are there. Piper is sitting at the table with her head down, while Paige mixes together some ingredients in a blender.]
Piper: How many hangover cures do you have?
Paige: A lot. There was a time in my life when I needed these often.
(Piper looks up.)
Piper: Ugh. (The blender makes an awful racket and Piper groans.) I'm sorry, Paige, I don't know what got into me. I mean, it's one thing when your sister has a husband that you can't stand, it's another when he is the Source of all evil.
(Paige pours the stuff from the blender into a cup and takes it over to Piper.)
Paige: Drink up, we've got some work to do.
Piper: We can't lose her. I can't lose another sister, I don't think I'll survive it.
Paige: I've been thinking about it. Phoebe was different today.
Piper: Yeah, she was nuts.
Paige: Yeah, but she cared, about us, about Greg. Something has changed and I think now is our chance to get her back.
Piper: How?
Paige: Well, I think we storm the penthouse, bring the crystals, we still know the spell, we vanquish the Source the same way we did the last time.
Piper: Yeah, but now this time the Source is Cole. Do you really think she's gonna say a little spell with us to vanquish him?
Paige: If she doesn't we die.
Piper: Is that supposed to be comforting?
Paige: Actually, yeah. The good in Phoebe is fighting to the surface, we saw that today. I don't think she's just gonna stand by and watch Cole kill us.
Piper: Are you willing to bet your life on that?
Paige: Aren't you?
Piper: You know, you're pretty amazing, Paige. I mean, a year ago you were an only child.
Paige: And I don't want to be again. Let's go. (Piper grabs her drink and stands up.) There we go. I'll get the crystals. (They walk to the bottom of the stairs and see Phoebe walking through the foyer.) Phoebe.
Phoebe: Cole is gonna kill Greg Conroy, and I can't let that happen.
Piper: So what do you wanna do?
Phoebe: I think that we have to vanquish Cole.
Paige: I knew it, I knew she was ready.
Phoebe: We have to use Greg as bait.
Paige: Bait? But he's an innocent.
Phoebe: I know, but Cole's looking for him, he'll find him wherever he is so he's safest here.
Piper: So we have Leo bring Greg here but then when Cole arrives Leo's gotta orb Greg outta here.
Phoebe: And then we vanquish Cole.
Paige: I'll get the crystals.
(Paige goes upstairs.)
Piper: Phoebe, um, I know how much you love Cole, I'm really...
Phoebe: I can't get emotional about this now, Piper, if I do I won't be able to go through with it.
(Paige comes back down with the crystals.)
Paige: Ready.
Piper: Leo, bring Greg.
(Leo orbs in with Greg.)
Paige: So how long do you think till Cole gets here?
(Suddenly, Phoebe changes into Cole.)
Cole: Sooner than you think.
(Cole throws a fireball at Greg and he is incinerated. Cole flames out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Phoebe and Cole's apartment. Phoebe is sitting at the table writing a letter. Cole flames in.]
Cole: Phoebe, we have to... What's the matter?
Phoebe: Did you know about the Seer's tonic? What it really does?
(He sees the letter.)
Cole: What's this? You planning to leave me?
Phoebe: I wrote two letters. One saying goodbye to you and one saying goodbye to my sisters. I haven't decided which one I'm gonna send.
Cole: Well, you'd better decide. Right now.
Phoebe: Did you know about the tonic?
Cole: Yes.
Phoebe: So you knew she was poisoning me with evil.
Cole: You took my hand and walked me through that coronation long before anybody gave you anything to drink. So if you want to pretend you're being poisoned.
Phoebe: So why even bother with the tonic? Why not just let me think for myself?
Cole: Because I know what it feels like to have good and evil fighting inside you, ripping your insides out. I wanted to save you that pain.
Phoebe: You should've trusted me to stand by you all on my own.
Cole: So show me I can. You know what's in the tonic now, you know how it works. Drink it. All on your own.
Phoebe: Cole.
(She stands up.)
Cole: I don't have time for games, Phoebe. Just drink the tonic, or leave now.
Phoebe: What is going on with you? What happened?
Cole: What happened is you had to go and play demon catcher with your sisters.
Phoebe: Cole, it's who I am!
Cole: And now we're in danger, serious danger. If you don't care about your life, or mine, or the baby's, what about Paige or Piper.
Phoebe: Don't you threaten them.
Cole: I'm not. But if there's a coup, do you think whoever takes over from me will let them live? Without the power of three they're sitting ducks.
Phoebe: I don't know what to do.
Cole: You can't go back. (He picks up the glass of tonic.) There is only one choice. Drink the tonic. You have to know that I would never do anything to hurt you. Please. For us. For our son. (She hesitates and then drinks the tonic in one quick mouthful. He hugs her.) I love you, Phoebe. Just remember what ever happens next, we can handle it as long as we stay together.
Phoebe: What do you mean, what ever happens next?
Cole: The Conroy thing got serious, I had to take care of it.
(She pulls away from him.)
Phoebe: You killed him?
Cole: It was your mess, I was just cleaning it up.
Phoebe: Cole, they're gonna come after you, they're gonna come here!
Cole: Well, if they do...
Phoebe: No.
(She starts to leave the room.)
Cole: Phoebe, if it comes down to them or us...
Phoebe: Oh, god.
(She runs into the bathroom.)
Cole: Phoebe, wait.
[Cut to the bathroom. Phoebe throws up in the toilet. She then washes her face.]
Cole: Phoebe. (He knocks on the door.) Phoebe?
[Cut to the living room. Piper, Paige and Leo orb in. Cole walks into the living room.]
Paige: You evil son of a bitch.
(Piper blows up Cole and he disintegrates into fragments which fly around in a circle. Paige places the crystals on the floor around him.)
Piper: Phoebe, get out here and help us damn it. (The fragments of Cole is pulled back together.) Paige.
(Cole hits Paige and is knocked across the room. One of the crystals she was holding bounces along the floor.)
Cole: Don't make me kill you.
(Piper blows up Cole again and Leo heals Paige.)
Piper: Phoebe, you heard what he said, he's gonna kill us, help us!
[Cut to the bathroom. Phoebe is leaning against the door, sobbing.]
Phoebe: Forgive me.
(She goes into the living room. The fragments of Cole is pulled back together and a fireball appears in his hand. Phoebe picks up the crystal that bounced across the floor.)
Cole: (to Phoebe) I'm sorry, it's, it's for the best.
Phoebe: I know it is.
(She walks over to Cole and the fireball disappears. Phoebe kisses him.)
Piper: Phoebe?
(Phoebe moves away from Cole.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry too.
(She places the crystal in its place and the trap is activated.)
Cole: Phoebe, no. No!
Phoebe: I'm sorry, baby, I'm so sorry.
Piper: "Prudence, Penelope, Patricia, Melinda..."
(Fire appears near Cole's feet.)
Phoebe: "Ashford, Helen, Laura and Grace..."
Cole: I will always love you.
Paige: "Halliwell witches stand strong beside us."
Phoebe: "Vanquish this evil..."
Piper, Phoebe, Paige: "From time and space."
(They vanquish Cole and it makes a huge explosion, making the windows smash. Phoebe walks to the middle of the room and cries.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Piper is leaning against the wall at the bottom of the stairs. Leo walks in.]
Leo: Hey.
Piper: Hey.
Leo: Why don't you go up and see her.
Piper: I don't know what to say. I can't imagine... I mean, if it had been you...
(Leo hugs her. Paige walks in through the front door.)
Paige: Hey.
Piper: Hey.
Paige: How's she doing?
Piper: I don't know, she hasn't come down yet.
Paige: How long have you been standing there?
Piper: A while.
Paige: Maybe we should go see her.
Piper. Okay. (They start to go upstairs and Piper stops.) What if she wants to be alone?
Paige: She's gonna be alone a lot. Maybe right now she needs us.
Piper: Right.
(They go upstairs and walk into Phoebe's bedroom. Phoebe is lying on her bed crying. Piper goes over and lies beside her. Paige then goes and lies in front of her and they comfort Phoebe.) | Plan: A: Cole; Q: Who is the Source? A: her; Q: Who does Phoebe think Cole is ignoring? A: Phoebe; Q: Who destroys several of Cole's demons? A: a couple days; Q: How long does it take for Phoebe to destroy Cole's demons? A: a premonition; Q: What does Phoebe have about an innocent that will soon perish at the hands of a demon? A: the manor; Q: Where does Phoebe go to warn Piper and Paige? Summary: Irritated over the fact that Cole has been ignoring her now that he's the Source, Phoebe destroys several of his demons over the course of a couple days. It is at this time when she has a premonition about an innocent that will soon perish at the hands of a demon, and as a result, she goes to the manor to warn Piper and Paige. When Cole discovers what she has done, Phoebe has to choose which side she has to fight for: good or evil. |
Scene 1 At The high school - In the teacher's cafeteria. Will and Sue Will sits and concentrated enthusiasm of correct assignments. By the time Sue throws the magazine Splits! on the table.
Sue: Hi dude! Unless the fact of finding myself in the top # 1 Ten of the best coaches in Splits magazine but disconnected from reality, I think we had an agreement and you had to spin the track list for playlists Communal.
Will: J'croyais that you do not at all interested in the glee club?
Sue surprised: What are you talking about? I'm still artistic director, I think.
Will: Uh ... Well, I'll send that list.
Sue: It would be fantastic! I would be mindful to go Figgins disturbing because of it. Will a deep breath
Sue: Please?
Will: What now?
Sue: Can you give me back my magazine? Will return his magazine
Sue: Thank you Will thought << The big problem is that we never know where they stand with Sue, but then I knew she was cooking something. >> Scene 2-In High School - In the rehearsal room Will students learn a choreography of the Glee Club
Will: Five, Six, Seven and Eight Tcha Tcha Tcha ... ... Left Right striking about these mains.Cinq, Six, Seven and Eight ... Tcha Tcha Tcha ... Left, Right, Let's go one back! We start again .... Will realizes that Brittany filming the rehearsal with his laptop.
Will: Brittany?
Brittany: No, it's not that Ms. Sylvester told me to shoot. Will is surprised
Will: Uh ... cut from the bell Scene 3 - In the halls of Lycée - Sue and Will Will thought << >> My suspicions were confirmed
Sue: So Says, you can remember the names of two schools against which it competes?
Will: Jane Addams and the Institute of Haverbrook hearing.
Sue: It is noted, you have the postcode? Sue goes ringing and Will looks at the outstanding She thought of Will << intends to pass our program to other schools >> Scene 4 - In the Office of Will and Emma-Emma
Will: If our competitors know our songs and our dances, they will have all the trump cards to beat us!
Emma: Do not be swayed by Sue, you hear? If Mohammed can not go to the mountain, so you have to convince Muhammad to bring the mountain home. I revised and corrected the proverb, but I kept the idea I'm sure you know what I mean!
Will: No, j'vois nothing, nothing at all
Emma: You go to the Jane Addams School, you ask to see the manager.But as you will set its Will looks confused
Will: Hmmm Generic Scene 5 - A School Academy Jane Addams Sounds of doors opening, Will falls then gets searched by a guard
Will: Ok The guard finished the search and makes a gesture for him to go
Will: Thank you Scene 6 - In the office of Grace Hitchens - Aphasia-Will-Grace Grace chats with a student
Grace: You're a nice girl Aphasia, why did you robbed a bank?
Aphasia: Because this is who stash money, all just Ms. Hitchens
Grace shakes her head: Returns current Will cap and between
Will: Hello, Miss Hitchens.Will Schuester High School Mc'Kinley
Grace: Sigh Aphasia makes its portfolio to Mr. Schuester! Aphasia makes the portfolio to Will then goes
Will surprise: Whoa, pause too much! Hmm, thank you for having me.
Grace: It's so rare that teachers visit us.
Will: Oh! He sits down Uh, the reason for my coming and say, he laughs a bit special. So I think it's best to tell you frankly. I think our co-director has provided you with our program for the competition.
Grace: Wait barjo you are in your school, our students are thieves and arsonists but are not cheaters.
Will: I did not say that! It's not that I blame you, it's Sue Sylvester.
Grace: You know we do not have budgets for costumes. We do not even Auditorium shall be repeated in the playground, it is in Ohio not Florida.
Will: I'm the first to deplore the lack of artistic sections.
Grace: Look, all I know is that the choir is the only discipline that prevents my daughters to reoffend. Mount shows the values, so it's not worth it to cheat just to beat to the punch your little bournemouth degenerate. And if I believe what I said, my troop surpasses yours.
Will: Oh yes! And that you hold that?
Grace: From a friend who saw you with presets. You want a coffee?
Will: Yes I will. Grace rises
Will: I'm really confused, my intention was not to offend you. Let me redeem myself, you do not have to Auditorium, we will lend you ours. Yes, if we made a sort of home game?
Scene 7: In-School in the auditorium
Will: We get to go! First and foremost, I want to thank the students of the Glee Club led by Miss Jane Addams Hitchens! We are delighted to welcome you. Now I leave you ladies dazzle us.
Grace: Go ahead! Jane Addams interpret Bootylicious Will be anxious during the song. Grace applauds the performance of these girls. Then the rest of the Glee Club also
Grace: Go! Here we go, it was really great! They leave the stage and approaches Rachel Will
Rachel: Sir, you are not worried?
Will: What? Not at all, they are excellent for sure, but so do we.
Rachel: You worry about nothing. It's bottle their stuff, this is window dressing. It's called the Hairography!
Will: Sorry?
Rachel: From the choreography hair when they make the chopper with their hair is to distract us. They are zero in dance and vocal level they are not much better. Believe me you need to make an ulcer. Rachel goes Scene 8 - In High School - In the rehearsal room Ringing. Will enters the class students enjoy
Will: I have news, advice on the night, I found the number for Communal.We will be performing the song Far Hair that has revolutionized the musical. A voice deep << gonna be great! >>
Puck: what art you make to us, it's all moldy. 20 years of the date that thing!
Finn: We're having a hard time singing Hair, sir. There was no hair long enough.
Will: I've thought of everything in this bag there are wigs. He throws the bag on the knees of Finn laughs. Rachel gets up
Rachel: Mr. Schuester
Will: Yes?
Rachel: What is this madness! It is fine as it is, it will divert their attention more than anything else. It is useless!
Will: I confess that providing girls of Jane Addams me a little unsettled. I want to put the odds on our side. It is imperative that pushes the envelope if you want to win. Will turns around and laughs in seeing students with wigs.
Will: Well Looks Good on You! Everyone laughs Scene 9 - In the halls of Lycée - Puck and Quinn Quinn walks around with a book on pregnancy in the corridors that Puck offered him.
Puck: "How to raise a baby with $ 5 a day? "I thought that perhaps it might interest you if you'd change your mind and you would decide to keep it.
Quinn: It's really adorable, but to tell you everything I know if I want to pass it or not. Infact I can not make a decision.
Puck: You call yourself the head too. Do not get pressure.
Quinn: That's nice. Puck goes Quinn thought << What is Puck in thousand thanks, thanks to him I realize that what I most need right now, outside of a wider pants is that treats me with respect . My entourage exerts so much pressure on me. It's so easy for them to be reckless, I can not afford this luxury. I'm under siege >> Scene 10 - Flashback to Quinn in the car with Terri and Kendra
Terri: You do not drink soda I hope? Phosphoric acid causes alopecia male
Quinn: I expect a girl!
Terri: There are also bald women.
Kendra: You worry too much Terri. Mom smoked and slapped a whole bottle of Jaja every night during her pregnancy and we are both normal. Quinn looks oddly
Kendra: Take your vitamins though, no hot tub. Avoid drinks with rum bases and all will go well. Quinn sigh Scene 11 - In the rehearsal room in high school Quinn returns to these spirits, seated on a chair while thinking, while watching the other students to have fun. Quinn thought << Ultimately, perhaps what my problem is not to raise my baby is brought up with Finn >> We see that Finn is the andouille and Puck who smiles Quinn << I thought should have let a chance to Puck. After all he is the real father. And if I spend time with him, Finn is pinball. I must find a way to occupy it, the time to do a test with Puck. Well how I do it? She looks at it Rachel? not even in dreams! Looks like a girl of five years! Whatever the makeup though ... >> Scene 12 - In High School Hallway-Quinn and Kurt Ringer - Quinn tries to catch Kurt in the corridors
Quinn: Kurt? I need your pink cells.
Kurt: Hi Quinn! What do I owe this honor? This is the first time you speak to me addresses everyone.
Quinn: That's true and I'm sorry! 'll Tell her to meet a great challenge, an extreme makeover.
Kurt: Wait this is not a challenge it is a breeze. This is what I advise you, pants with elastic waist, cotton tunics to bring out your forms and also short dresses. This is obvious.
Quinn: It's not me it is, but Rachel
Kurt: Hey! Why I relookerais? Like all boys his excites me a challenge, but Rachel has a knack for dressing the same time as a grandmother and a doll.
Quinn: I totally agree with you, I know you as much as I wish that our choir wins and she is a walking disaster. Nan saw you but what is this package!? They both look to Rachel who is in his locker
Kurt: Monstrous!
Quinn: When will the judges do not you think they will want to lock him in a closet with mothballs.
Kurt shook his head: And to think I took you for a blonde. In the attack! Scene 13 - In the room of Will and Terri Terri puts his mask at night while Will sleeps
Terri: Good night
Will: Good night He observes Terri sleep and want to approach her when it is frightened
Terri: So what are you doing?
Will: I want to be close to my wife, that's it!
Terri: You want s*x, not want to be close to me!
Will: Uh
Terri: If you had a minimum of tact, you'd wonder for example if I still have nausea.
Will: You're right. Sorry
Terri: It's forgotten.
Will: It will be good when our little girl will be there He stroked her arm and she turns
Terri: Yes, it will be wonderful He kisses her on the cheek
Will: I love you
Terri: Me too Everyone turns on his side Terri thought << I'm not going to continue to be simulated. It will end up suspecting something more to me too I miss those hugs. I wanted so that is a child. If I invented this whole story is only because our marriage was floundering. The problem is that time is against me. I must find something to occupy it. But what? >> Scene 14 - In the room with Rachel - Rachel and Kurt Kurt plucks eyebrows Rachel
Rachel: Ahaha!
Kurt: The rule is to never pluck above the brow but still below. You can trust me, I have years of practice. Look at mine! They are seen in the mirror
Rachel: Ah, Kurt ... why, why you have proposed to change your look?
Kurt: You know me I'm an addict makeover! Without wishing to offend you I think you're cheesy and no real personality Rachel is shocked
Kurt: I sometimes feel ashamed of being in the same room as you. And especially this one! Looks like the decoration was made by Strawberry Shortcake in Extas. You have an absolutely amazing voice. When you produce on stage, it is pure bliss. But I have some difficulty in assessing your performance as a singer, because when I see you I want you to put a hood over his head.
Rachel lowers her head: Okay then, how to start I have to get dressed? He thought, looking up to heaven
Kurt: With something that would put your curves. I want all high school boys are back on your way.
Rachel: All, that's maybe a lot? There's only one that I would win. Kurt looks at him and smiled seducer
Rachel: You can keep a secret?
Kurt with a smile: Of course!
Rachel: I'm in love with Finn
Kurt amazed: Are you serious? Rachel nods her head
Kurt: As I understand you. Moving to the makeup He gets up a little angry and Rachel returns to the mirror for makeup
Kurt: You're lucky, I know Finn and I can say that it is attracted to girls easy He throws the brush on the dresser and Rachel makes a face
Rachel: What? But Quinn is not an easy girl.
Kurt: I'll give you a concrete example. Sandy in Grease what happens to seduce Danny Souko. She turned these floral dresses and it is clear fringuée in Catwoman.En she dared to dress up, driven. Maybe if you had grown accustomed to wear clothing, one can sexier. It is you who go out with Finn and it takes some time for reflection, not Quinn. Rachel gives him a smile and he smiled back. Scene 15 - In the parking lot - Will and Terri Terri was blindfolded Will, and leads to his surprise
Will: But what you do to me there?
Terri: Go two more steps and you're done! They advance two steps
Terri: Stop!
Will: Ok She removes the tie he had on those eyes and discovers the old car in front of those eyes. He was very surprised.
Will: Uh! This is not the Blue Bomber I had? He shouted for joy But if! It is in this car that I had taken to the annual ball. J'nous remember in the back seat.
Terri: But this is not the one you had. That one, I found it used on the net.
Will: I have always regretted selling him, you know?
Terri: Yes that's why I wanted to offer it to you, I said that to help you tinker relieve the stress of your days. Will Terri, you're the best! She laughs and he approaches her to kiss him. Meanwhile we see Quinn and Kendra moving past the couple.
Terri: Honey?
Will: Yes?
Terri: Will you pick up a punnet of strawberries?
Will: Yes, Yes I will. Oh and I would stop at our mechanic, maybe he will pipe to give me.
Terri: Great idea! Take your time. Scene 15 - Apartment Terri - Terri and Kendra Quinn Terri and Kendra having a conversation while listening to Quinn in the middle
Terri panic: You're crazy, he could see her!
Kendra: This is something that is worth the trip. J'te swear! This little woodcock called me to tell me a story that made me the effect of a bombshell!
Terri surprise: Huh? In a Bomb? They return together to Quinn who is without words
Terri: What was that? A little suspense
Quinn: I want to keep my baby Terri is shocked speechless to this new fixed and her sister Scene 16 - In the Rumba Office Dalton, director of the school Haverbrook Ringing - Will is sitting in the office of Mr Rumba
Will: I never intended to make discrimination against your Glee Club, Mr. Rumba. Uh, if I hosted the Jane Addams School to come and perform here, it is only because we have better facilities for working the show.
Dalton: And you think we are repeated in "Book Guibolle" I remind you that I lead the glee club at a school for deaf. It does not reach the room we did not even instruments the phone starts to ring, he does not hear. My students are hearing is true the fact remains that they have a song in the heart and that nobody would want to understand. The phone always rings
Will: You are right
Dalton: Tell me, why they would not sing their? Child, I had scarlet fever and I became deaf in one ear. I experienced the joy of being able to hear while my poor students have never been so lucky!
Will pointing: Phone!
Dalton: Still they carry within them the passion for singing, Will can not stand the phone ringing
Dalton he gets mad: Imagine their disappointment when they learned that you had moved to invite the choir loubardes. This is really unfair! Yes!Unfair!
Will: Your phone
Dalton: Sorry?
Will going up the tone: Your phone rings
Dalton: Impossible, it's on vibrate!
Will: Uh ...
Dalton cuts him off: I ask you only to have the intelligence to organize another friendly confrontation and this time be kind to invite us.
Will shook his head: His will be delighted!
Dalton in cutting him: What do you say? Will yelling, I told her is with great pleasure
Dalton cut the floor again: In it's annoying. I had scarlet fever, I already wanted to divide this ear, the other is lost.
Will any articulating shouting: Sorry, you are invited. Monday's with you?
Dalton: Nan is that Monday or never
Will articulated and gestures: Okay, okay that Monday. I'm anxious to see your students make their numbers.
Dalton: Yes, that's more making fun of me. Mimicking sign language.
Will: No, no it was not my intention. Sorry if I offended
Dalton: Wait, I'll see her with my secretary, he released his laptop while Heck, four missed calls Will shakes his head
Dalton: What's the matter?
Will: Nothing, nothing I said nothing
Dalton: Yes, please, black with two sugars. He calls someone
Dalton: Hello? Will is appalled and a voice was heard to say hello?
Dalton: Hello? Scene 17 - In the living room of Terri-Terri and Kendra Terri whines and paces around the living room while Kendra has a drink on the couch
Terri: All this can not go, he'll have to tell him the truth. Will that mean between home
Will: Terri?
Terri: Yes darling?
Will enters the living room: Oh Hello Kendra.
Kendra: Hi, handsome. You know you've dressed as a sexy mechanic.
Will a smile: Oh, I have fun like a little crazy. I like it, worked with my hands. I do every scrap, as in the song of Springsteen. He should laugh and smile Terri him address
Will: I'll get the old rags in the kitchen for me to remove anything dirty. He entered the kitchen and Terri turns to his sister with a groan
Kendra: You referred to a spot on this car by offering him. I would do exactly the same thing for my Trickster but I'm afraid it's too fun to do.
Terri: Its not dureras a time and then what I will tell him when I got out of the hospital without my baby.
Kendra: You're like a tight thong! Terri sits on the couch, anxious
Kendra: Calm down and will get better! Let me do all I expected, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Terri: Oh yeah?
Kendra: Miss Blondie must deliver during the Easter holidays.
Terri: Yes
Kendra: You and me will be a small cure of Prenatal Spa in Cincinnati will be told that we share our cherished one week getaway, but in reality we squattera the office of Doctor Hummus with Quinn. Until that dirt Ponde his brat.
Terri reassured: It's a brilliant plan! Except that Quinn no longer wants to give us her child.
Kendra: But of course she'll give it, silly. We have to make him understand his mistake if she keep it.
Terri: And how is it?
Kendra: She needs money, I'll offer to baby-sit. Five minutes with my monsters and it will be ligated tubes. Terri Kendra looks with great relief
Terri: You're too strong!
Kendra: You've inherited the beauty and I inherited the beauty and intelligence. Scene 18 - Corridors of High School - Rachel Finn, Quinn and Puck Soft music - Rachel, revamped, into the hallway with a very sensual approach. But she sees Finn continued his way.
Finn: Hi, Rachel! Rachel turns around with a smile: Ah Finn! She runs her fingers through his hair Hi I had not seen you! She walks toward him. You wanted to ask me something? He looks at length remaining speechless bite
Finn: Yes! I had something to tell you but I forgot. You're so different!
Rachel: But I have done nothing special. It would tell you to go home Friday night? As I have beautiful long hair since childhood because of my being I can help advise you on how to move.
Finn: Yes, you're right. Will be great!
Rachel: Fantastic! Es that would go 20 hours his?
Finn: 20 hours is perfect! He repeats the lowest it's perfect! Rachel turns around with a big smile and walk proudly. Kurt approaches her
Kurt: Target met, the beginning of phase two! They walk away while smiling. Finn is a little lost after seeing Rachel.
Finn: Hey Quinn! She smiles
Finn: I wanted to ask you if you would grant me permission to hesitate abandonneril you Friday night!
Quinn interrupted him: No problem! I'm babysitting Friday.
Finn surprised: Oh Oh that's cool. I gotta go.
Quinn: A while ago! He puts his hand on his shoulder then goes away. Quinn laughs, she continues to walk the corridors
Quinn: Hey, she runs to Puck what are you doing Friday night?
Puck: As usual! I'll hang outside a shop looking depressed until someone offers me a drink. Why?
Quinn: I'm babysitting, you come with me? He thought then smiled, the bell rings At stage 19-School-room rehearsals
Will: Some of you, boys in particular are struggling with the choreography capillary. One of your comrade who masters this art will give you a demonstration. Brittany! You can go. Brittany is in front of all his comrades, Will claps.
Brittany: I do not make my point?
Will: I mean, show us.
Brittany: Oh!
Will: It's yours.
Brittany: Well, I'll give you a tip. Imagine that you put your fingers into an electrical outlet. Kurt fondles her wig. He'll just shake his head as if you had convulsions. It detaches the hair and make his argument. Meanwhile all the students look curiously
Will: That's it! They laugh cries of astonishment, Finn has hair of his wig in his mouth.
Brittany: Must be the zombie epileptic In all lines, as they try to demonstrate
Will: Go ahead! Let's see how you're doing.
Brittany: It's her!
Will: That's good! Let yourself go! Do as you feel! This is perfect! Will face seeing them, then Sue is spying goes when Will realizes his presence. He follows
A student: Have my neck! Scene 20 - In the corridors, Will and Sue Sue pretended to drink from the fountain when Will comes out of his class.
Will: How far will you count me say?
Sue: I do not know what you mean!
Will: Do not tell me a story! I know you're spying on me! You've got to stop now. You do everything to sabotage the Glee Club.
Sue: It is a shameful accusation! Students of the Glee Club stop their test and return.
Sue: Charges that you also sent to our friends Haverbrook and Jane Addams. Moreover, it is a outrageous violation of my righteousness copy. Students observe the scene
Sue: That said, you're right I've actually watched because I do not like your methods! You know why I force my daughters to comb my hair back?With a horse-tail! Because I do not want anything to distract the audience with their talent! Will listen carefully to Sue
Sue: While you, you would have more a contrary approach. What I would suggest that you have a question, raising his voice on the capabilities of your students.
Will: I believe in articulating their ability!
Sue: Maybe at first, but not anymore! You know the competition is too strong and you're about to fail it up yet the tone miserably in your role as director. I want the list of songs updated for 17 hours tomorrow. If I find a song that requires that the boys wiggle tarlouzes as she nods her hand I'll blow!
Will in approaching her: I will not let you imposed on me my choice of numbers, you hear me? As for the list, there is no question that I give it to you.
Sue: In this case I become co-director. She smiles and then goes away quickly Will enters the classroom, students gathered and stare
Will: Come on, he pauses it takes everything from the beginning. Scene 21 - In the room of Finn and Rachel-Rachel Finn is installed on the bed of Rachel, he expects
Rachel: I'm coming! She is about to be put gloss
Finn: It's nice to help me with the choreography hair! He smiled stupidly
Rachel spirit to put mascara: It's normal! Saw you this is a matter heating.Are you thought that she starts to blush of a song that you can train? Finn is nervous wait
Rachel: What would you say the song Grease.Tu know the song we sang when you coming.
Finn: Yes, yes great idea. It will make a revision, that day I was super nervous and noise so that the heel of the bathroom and Rachel leans against the door frame. Finn was very surprised
Rachel: Sell me your salads, man! He looks at her without saying a word, she approaches the radio and put the song You Are The One That I Want He pulls up his sleeves and begins to sing, meanwhile Rachel makes alluring poses. She takes her hand and starts dancing in front of him, but he is very embarrassed.
Finn: Oh, switch off the music, stop! It runs right and turn off the music
Rachel: what art that?
Finn: I prefer to be honest with you. There is something wrong and I was not comfortable with. How could I tell you this, you look like a chick break time but it's too vulgar!
Rachel is outraged: Pardon?
Finn: And what's that look? She looks at herself. It's not like you. Finally I do not want to tell stories, it's true the other day I was amazed that you make so adult and all that. But this is not the Rachel I know! It's sad. Infact I like the way you clothes. I love it when you put your leg dance with golden son!
Rachel smiled slightly: I thought you preferred the sexiest outfits!
Finn: No, at all. It's funny, last week I had the same conversation with Kurt. He asked me ... Corridors-High School Flashback - Kurt and Finn
Kurt: What's your kind of girl?
Finn: Oh! Uh, I like girls natural girls not too made up and who do not wear skinny stuff. You know what I mean!
Kurt with a big smile: Absolutely! Back in Rachel's room
Rachel shakes her head: I'm an idiot!
Finn: No, must not say that. It's my fault. I would not have accepted your invitation. Rachel looks embarrassed
Finn: And I love you very much, I assure you. She looks away
Finn: I gotta go there! He leaves and Rachel is standing idly Scene 22 - In the living room of Will and Terri - Quinn and Puck Children are at Kendra's apartment screaming and throwing the sofa cushions. Meanwhile Quinn and Puck are tied together sitting on a chair.
Quinn: I told you we should have been cowboys.
Puck: Bad pick!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Quinn: Well now what art we do? Puck wrote a message and send the kids cakes in Figure
Quinn trying to loose this: Who sent you messages?
Puck: A Mike Chang, he has problems with his wig
Quinn: Forget the phone, okay? And help me to detach She tries to come off when the hand of Puck grabs his, instead of the rope. They are both a little surprised. They got to come off.
Quinn: That's enough, do not overthrow the table. A child reverses the table
Quinn, addressing Puck: Move! Do something! They try to calm the children and their hands off the cushions
Puck: I brought my guitar, if they were singing a lullaby?
Quinn to a child: Give me that!
The child: You got no right!
Quinn: Children listen to me, Puck pat on the head of the little. It tells you to see a live clip?
The child: Yes
Quinn: Okay Puck on guitar and sings Papa do not Preach Quinn and children listen quietly sitting on the couch
Children: Still Quinn looks Puck and they smile Scene 23 - Flat Will - Terri, Kendra, Puck and Quinn Terri, Kendra, Puck and Quinn observe children asleep in the lit.Kendra and Terri are amazed
Kendra: I can not believe it, I think this is the first time I see them sleeping all three simultaneously. Someone put perfume?
Quinn: It's the soap. The two sisters returned together to Quinn and Puck
Terri: You gave their bath?
Quinn complacent: Mmm
Kendra: You would not be a little exorcist? Quinn smiled Scene 24 - In the kitchen of Will - Phil, Will Puck and Quinn Sound of a can opener that Phil is sitting in the kitchen with Will
Will: It looks like a racing car eh? I need to change the clutch and dampers but would really like new.
Phil: What you will do that when the child will be there? You can not put car seat in that car. There is no thought Will attach system. He still thought the words of Phil is meant in part to rate Puck and Quinn discussing
Puck: You've been great with these kids!
Quinn: I was the first surprise, you know. I loved it. You at first, I've not felt in the game and then that's settled. What was that all these text messages?
Puck: Oh it was nothing, I was in on it 100%. I loved taking care of these children. Anyway I've proved one thing tonight. She listens carefully
Puck: I had a stepfather. I can do! She smiled, shaking his head Scene 25 - Corridors of School-Kurt and Rachel Kurt is at his locker when someone closes the door violently
Rachel: You're damn good to me. He watches without understanding
Rachel: For Finn
Kurt: Looks like the Queen's flamboyant melodrama is back
Rachel: How could you do this to me? What I thought were friends?
Kurt: Oh, and what an honor? She looks puzzled
Kurt: You should thank me, through me, you know you can never marry Finn, live happily and have many children.
Rachel: You're in love with him. He looks at her without a word
Rachel: What an idiot, I should have to account sooner. You want me out of the competition.
Kurt: I made him understand that carefully you'll never be an interesting plan B. With that, he returned on his heel and goes but Rachel runs after him
Rachel: Are you sure? You really think I have no chance? He stops to answer her
Kurt: You're at the bottom of plotons
Rachel: It's you who live in a fairy tale. Even if I would be the last on his list, I would be forever before you because I am a girl. He is upset and nods
Kurt: I have bad news for you princess. It has no chance, neither you nor me. He loves Quinn. They will have a child together, there is nothing as buddies for him nothing else. The quicker we will get in his head, will be better. He continued his way and Rachel looks at party while thinking about these Scene 26 - Corridors of Santana High School, and Quinn Quinn is at his locker and someone shut the door violently
Santana: Hey, I'll see you prowling around my guy. Quinn looks puzzled
Santana: Is that clear? She moves on in the corridors when Quinn replied
Quinn, laughing: Who is your man? Santana turns furious
Santana: Play not with me bitches! And then puts you to the page. Ask a guy to keep the kids with you, it's super cheesy.
Quinn: You believe what you want, but Puck is interested in me.
Santana with a sigh: You talk, while you were the babysitter, Puck sent me sexting.
Quinn: The sexting?
Santana: It is sent by SMS s*x tips. You disembark from which planet?While you roucouliez, Puck and I are broke and say stuff pigs. All you have to check on his laptop, looking at these posts. It clears my sexting ever. Proud of her, runs off Santana and Quinn is overwhelmed by events. Scene 27 - In High School-In the rehearsal hall Students of the Glee Club and they clothed their wigs are back facing students Haverbrook
Will: Thank you for coming, we are very honored by your presence Dalton translated phrases with Will sign language to her students
Will: Without further ado, I present to you the New Directions! Will puts music Hair / Crazy Right Now Students begin their Hairographie during dance Haverbrook of deaf students communicate with each other.
A student: They look crazy completions
A student with a grimace: Completely! Will looks nervous and then when the song ends the students applauded by some grimaces. Rachel is close to Mr Schuester.
Rachel: It was missed, are not?
Will: No, no it was a repetition it will get better, but there is something for sure! Rachel breathless nods to say yes, then she joined the others. Will not some of this repetition They swap roles, the students are placed before the Haverbrook Glee Club. Dalton began playing the piano, students are very attentive Imagine they interpret their ways with signs, New directions are very moved by this provision, Mercedes starts to sing with them and then quickly followed by Arty and the rest of the Glee Club. Will upset applauded as the deaf. Scene 28 In the corridors of the school-Puck and Quinn Quinn quickly walk in the hallway and advance in the direction of Puck to grab her laptop.
Puck: I can know what are you doing? She continues to check his laptop with fury
Puck: Uh no, no I you I would not touch it She looks in the sent messages and read them aloud
Quinn: How did you panties? I do not wear She shows him the phone
Quinn: You lied to me!
Puck: Oh, excuse me! I tried to resist Santana, I swear. I am handsome and there are so many girls, they make me crazy. But then I run, I swear!
Quinn: You mean you do Gères nothing. I thought you wanted to come with me?
Puck: Yes it's true! J'te gets off serious, but since I've screwed up blister.You have been pleased that I wanted to touch you. Should not you forget I'm a guy. I have needs!
Quinn: So you want me to raise our child with you but if I do not meet these criteria every day. Get very hot conversations, SMS with the first girl coming?
Puck: No! Girls with guns! She looks at him with disgust and sighs
Puck: I'd be listening a good father, but you can not stop me from being myself. Scene 29 - In the apartment of Will and Terri - Quinn, Terri and Will Terri Quinn and assissent on the couch
Quinn: I agree to the adoption
Terri: Are you serious?
Quinn sadly: My daughter will need a real father. Which mean I have to entrust there is no alternative. Say you believe that Mr Schuester will be a good father?
Terri: Yes, I'm sure there will be a great dad! Will walks past the room and saw Quinn in the room with Terri. This is very surprised when he approaches.
Terri: Will?
Will: Hi!
Terri: You should not go in the junkyard?
Will: If he hesitates but I've changed my mind, I decided to go. Uh, what Quinn are you doing here?
Terri: We were talking, we told our stories of pregnancies. She gives him a smile
Will: Ah! It's great! He laughs When you have time I will have something to show you in the parking lot. He wants to leave but Quinn rises
Quinn: Anyway I was going me going! Goodbye. She goes over to Will, Terri is surprised about what she will say.
Will: Yes? She serves in these arms
Quinn: Goodbye Mr Schuester Quinn takes his jacket and leaves the apartment looks Will Terri Terri smiled You know I hate surprises! Scene 30 - In the parking lot - Will and Terri Will blindfolded Terri to take him to see the surprise in the parking lot. He is very happy with his surprise and Terri, she is very surprised to see the minivan.
Terri: Where is your past Blue Bomber?
Will: I sold it to a kid. I even made a profit, he looked pleased. Anyway, it made me a contribution for the first milking of our ideal family. Terri is in love
Will in approaching her: Oh, Terry! I love you, you and our little girl and nothing will divert my attention from both of you. She replied with a smile Scene 31 - Corridors of High School - Finn and Quinn Bell-Quinn is leaning against the lockers waiting in front of toilets for men.Finn leaves the toilet and she approaches him
Finn: Hi!
Quinn sighs: Hi Finn is embarrassed
Quinn: Are we may make peace?
Finn: I have to confess something, because from now we must do more to cachoteries
Quinn: You know you can tell me anything.
Finn with a little smile: Cool! I reassure you right now it's nothing serious.I've not mistaken, it's not that, but Friday when you kept the children, I have hidden that I went to Rachel
Quinn: Oh!
Finn: But there is no past, I ... I wanted to go elsewhere because of our shouting matches. She had to pick up the signal, because she was dressed as Catwoman. While there, I realized that I could really go wrong.His will was silly. I only wanna be with you.
Quinn: You turn the page. I appreciate your honesty.
Finn relieved: I love you Quinn She looks at him, then they hug
Quinn: Me too, I love you They begin to walk the tight against each other in the hallway,
Finn: We will play more?
Quinn: Promised Rachel misses them and stops to watch them, like Kurt, who also leaves the hallway and look at the two lovebirds out. Kurt turns to see Rachel, which makes it a little wave of the hand, he does the same then continued his way. Scene 32 - Office of Sue - Sue and Will Will knock at the door and then between
Will: Sue, you got a minute? Sue asks her magazine and those glasses on his desk
Sue: Of course!
Will: I owe you an apology. It's true, I wanted the students to do more stuff déglinguant and I had all wrong. It's not their style! Thank you for opening my eyes. Sue nodded very satisfied
Will: And that list. He hands her a sheet, she puts these glasses to be able to read
Sue: Wow, you made excellent choices William! Proud Mary, I see that has made significant reductions.
Will: Yes, money! He laughs
Sue: Do not make fun.
Will: Sorry
Sue: This title is brand new?
Will: Yes I have added just now. I want them to forget all these stupid stories of hair choreography. At stage 33-School-room rehearsals Will the list in hand stands before his students.
Will: Young people, it starts from scratch. Pull up a stool! It distributes the leaves
Arty: We'll dance with?
WILL: No, not even juggle. No subterfuge or falsely original staging. We'll sit on it and sing. Rachel is happy with the choice of song
Rachel: Thank you, Mr. Schuester Will pleased him a little wave of the hand Scene 34 - Office of Sue-Dalton, Grace and Sue Sue distributed the list of songs from the Glee Club to competitors; and Grace Dalton.
Sue: Here is their song list for the elections. Do not Stop beliving here, pointing Proud Mary sang in wheelchairs and what would be interesting is that you appropriate his songs and that you répartissiez. I listed my play for my relationships that occur in McKinley dernier.Comme it, everyone will believe that you have copied and they will be disqualified. Dalton was surprised about the Sue
Grace: But you take us for who?
Sue: It's a great question because I do not even know how you call
Grace stunned: Listen, I spend most of my time teaching my students that this is not cheating and lying, we can succeed in life. And that's what you advise me to do, to help them win a singing contest.
Sue: Basically yes, that's it! Otherwise, it will be like if you would deprive of a remedial session. Young people arrive Mc'Kinley always bounce back. While your daughters do not have much outside the Glee Club. And a defeat would miss much demoralized to the point of resigning completely. You know how many deaf choirs competition? Dalton, crying, I'll have to ask you to speak up, because I know nothing!I'm deaf in one ear, I had scarlet fever.
Sue: In this case, read my lips. Concentrate on showing those lips. Never let anything or anyone turn away from victory. Ever. Scene 35 - The Auditorium Sitting on a stool students interpret True Colors, in joy and good humor. | Plan: A: New Directions; Q: What glee club meets their Sectionals competition? A: juvenile detention; Q: What are the Jane Addams Girls Choir recently released from? A: the Haverbrook Deaf Choir; Q: What is the name of the deaf choir that competes against New Directions? A: Sue; Q: Who gives the New Directions set list to the competing clubs? A: Regionals; Q: What competition does Sue try to prevent New Directions from going to? A: Quinn; Q: Who reconsiders having her baby adopted? A: Quinn reconsiders; Q: What happens to Quinn's baby adoption? A: a chance; Q: What does Quinn give Puck to prove that he would be a good father? A: Terri; Q: Whose triplet nephews do Puck and Quinn babysit? A: the evening; Q: When did Puck spend sexting Santana? A: a bad makeover; Q: What does Kurt give Rachel to try to sabotage her attempts at attracting Finn? A: Finn; Q: Who is Kurt trying to sabotage Rachel's attempts to attract? Summary: New Directions meets their Sectionals competition - Jane Addams Girls Choir for girls recently released from juvenile detention , and the Haverbrook Deaf Choir. Sue gives the New Directions' set list for Sectionals to the competing clubs in order to damage the glee club's chance of progressing to Regionals. Quinn reconsiders having her baby adopted, giving Puck a chance to prove that he would be a good father. They successfully baby-sit for Terri's triplet nephews together, but Quinn later learns that Puck spent the evening sexting Santana, and recommits to the idea of adoption. Kurt gives Rachel a bad makeover, trying to sabotage her attempts at attracting Finn. |
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and they're all talking.]
Rachel: Hey! Out of all of us, who do you think is gonna get married next?
Joey: Probably Monica and Chandler.
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
Woman: (to Gunther) Hi. Could I have a pack of Newport Lights, please?
Gunther: Oh umm, uh we don't sell cigarettes, but they have them at the newsstand across the street. (Points.)
Woman: That'd be great, thanks. (Gunther goes and gets them.)
Rachel: (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I don't think I have the energy for this.
Melissa: (Gasps when she notices Rachel) Oh my God! Ray-ray Green?! (Screams)
Rachel: (screaming) Melissa!
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, what's up with you?!
Rachel: Wh-(Turns and looks at the gang who's staring)-Why don't I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Melissa: So last I heard you were gonna get married. (Grabs Rachel's hand and notices that she doesn't have a ring on it.) (Sadly) Oh poor Ray-ray.
Rachel: Oh no-no, no! It's good! It's all good! I-I actually work at Ralph Lauren!
Melissa: Shut up!
Rachel: I will not! I'm the divisional head of men's sportswear!
Melissa: Oh shut up more! Now, are you friends with Ralph?
Rachel: Oh please...
Melissa: (excitedly) Are you?!
Rachel: No.
Melissa: Listen, we-we have to have dinner. What-what are you doing tomorrow night?
Rachel: Oh tomorrow, oh I don't know. Um...
Melissa: You do now. You're having dinner with me.
Rachel: Shut up.
Melissa: I-I've got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Here's my card. (Hands the card over.)
Rachel: Oh, wow thanks! (Reading the card) Oh you're in real estate!
Melissa: Oh no, that's-that's an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.
Rachel: Wow! What do you do now?
Melissa: (quietly) I'm a party planner. I'll see you tomorrow. (Exits.)
Rachel: Okay! (Joins the rest of the gang.)
Joey: Hey guys! Look who's back! It's Ray-ray!
Rachel: Shut up, that was my friend Melissa from college.
Ross: She seems really, really fun!
Rachel: She's actually very sweet and we used to be very close.
Monica: Wait a minute, she isn't... She's not the one who you...
Joey: (excitedly) Who you what? Who you what?!
Rachel: (To Monica) Yes.
Monica: Wow!
Joey: (excitedly) Wow? Wow what?! Wow what?! Who you-what?!!
Rachel: It's not a big deal!
Monica: (To Joey) They were lovers.
Ross: What?!
Joey: What?!
Rachel: No we weren't! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and y'know, ended up...kissing for a bit.
Ross: So that's two of my wives.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler looks on and Rachel reads.]
Monica: (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay, so this is where the band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have people's names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachel's place.)
Rachel: Oh wow. Why don't we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins aren't for playing are they?
Monica: (To Chandler) Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours.
Chandler: This is so sad. I mean, I only have like ten pins.
Monica: Chandler, relax it's not a contest. (To Rachel) Certainly not a close one.
Joey: (entering) Hello!
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Hey Rach. (Stares at her.)
Rachel: Stop picturing it!!
Monica: Okay, I think that's it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like they're having fun don't they?
Joey: Hey, so where are my parents gonna be?
Monica: Oh! (Gets up) Let's see, well...if this is the wedding hall then umm (Walks away) you're parents will be at home in Queens.
Joey: What, they're not invited?! Oh no, that's terrible! They're gonna be crushed!
Monica: Why would they think they're invited?
Joey: (looking around) You got me. I don't...
Monica: Joey!
Joey: Well, I'm sorry. I thought parents were coming! Y'know? Your parents are comin'! Chandler's parents are comin'! Ross's parents are comin'!
Monica: Ross's parents are my parents!
Joey: Well-well-see? Parents are comin'!
Chandler: Y'know I think we should invite them.
Monica: Oh please, you just want more blue pins.
Chandler: Well this is just sad!
Monica: All right, all right. Maybe I can fit them in if I just do some rearranging. But uh, Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar!
Rachel: That is not a problem.
Joey: (leaning down to her) Maybe you'll order a little sangria?
Rachel: Oh, get out of here! (Jumps back and walks away.)
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is showing Chandler the selection of tuxedos.]
Rachel: (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and if there's anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.
Chandler: Well, thanks a lot for hookin' me up Rach. I want you to know that I want you to attend our wedding as my guest.
Rachel: I'm Monica's maid of honor. Okay? Don't try to blue pin me!
Chandler: (sees another rack) Well, what's the deal with these? These-these look nice.
Rachel: Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then when they're done with them they just send 'em back.
Chandler: You mean like for award shows?
Rachel: Some of them.
Chandler: You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people yelling, "Who are you wearing?! You look fabulous!"
Rachel: Honey, might I suggest watching a little more ESPN and a little less E!?
Chandler: Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)
Rachel: Umm, well let's see uh, this one is Tom Brokaw.
Chandler: Not bad.
Rachel: (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul O'Neil.
Chandler: Who's that?
Rachel: He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, ESPN! Just once and a while, have it on in the background. (Chandler nods and Rachel grabs another tux) Ooh, this one was Pierce Brosnan!
Chandler: Pierce Brosnan?
Rachel: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Are you serious?
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: 007?! This is James Bond's tux?!
Rachel: Yeah.
Chandler: Oh, I have to get married in James Bond's tux!
Rachel: It's a pretty cool tux.
Chandler: Oh, it's not just that, I would be England's most powerful weapon. Jet setting heartbreaker on her majesty's secret service. A man who fears no one; with a license to kill. (Worried.) Would Monica let me wear this?
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are moving chess pieces around on the board and hitting the timer at random.]
Joey: We should really learn how to play the real way. (Moves another piece.)
Phoebe: I like our way. Oh! (Grabs a piece and jumps a bunch of Joey's like in Checkers.) Chess!
Joey: Nice move.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: (entering) Hey!
Joey: Hey!
Phoebe: Hey!
Rachel: So Joey, I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the wedding: do you need one?
Joey: No, I'm performing the ceremony. I'm not wearing a tux.
Rachel: Well, what are you going to wear?
Joey: Multi-colored robes! Ooh, and maybe a hat.
Rachel: Huh. Does Monica know about this?
Joey: I don't think so.
Rachel: Can I please be there when you tell her? (Joey nods yes.)
Phoebe: Hey oh, Rach wait! Do you want to go to a movie tonight?
Rachel: Oh, y'know what? I can't. I have to have dinner with that Melissa girl.
Joey: (excitedly) Can I come?! I won't even talk! You'll just hear the noise from my video camera.
Phoebe: What is this? What's going on?
Joey: Oh good! Can I tell her?! Can I tell her?!
Rachel: Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joey's lewd version?
Phoebe: Joey's!
Joey: Okay...
Rachel: Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid mistake of telling Joey that one time...she and I y'know...kissed a little bit.
Phoebe: (laughs) Yeah, I'm sure that happened.
Rachel: It-it did!
Phoebe: Sure!
Joey: Hey. (Laughs, then seriously) It happened!
Rachel: Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes!
Phoebe: (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the cheek.
Joey: Why are you taking this away from me?
Rachel: Yeah, why is it so hard for you to believe?!
Phoebe: Okay! I just-I didn't know that you are a lesbian. (Joey smiles and nods lewdly.)
Rachel: I'm not saying that I'm a lesbian! I'm just saying that this happened!
Phoebe: Okay, it just seems pretty wild and you're so-y'know so...vanilla.
Rachel: (shocked) Vanilla?!
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: I'm not vanilla! I've done lots of crazy things! I mean I got-I got drunk and married in Vegas!
Phoebe: To Ross.
Rachel: All right, y'know what? If you don't want to believe me about this, why don't you just come with me to dinner tonight and she will tell you.
Phoebe: Okay! All right! Yeah! 'Cause I just can't picture it.
Joey: Oh-ho, you should get inside my head.
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch reading as Ross enters carrying a garment bag.]
Ross: Hey! Guess what I got for your wedding! (Holding up his garment bag.)
Chandler: A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head?
Ross: No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batman's tux!
Chandler: What?
Ross: That's right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the hit film...that Batman film he was in.
Chandler: You can't wear that! I'm wearing the famous tux! James Bond's tux!
Ross: So?
Chandler: So-If you wear that you'll make mine less special.
Ross: Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have the most special thing of all! You are marrying the woman you love.
(Chandler mimics him.)
Chandler: Please, don't take away my cool thing. Please?! Pretty please?!
Ross: Pretty please? Not very uh, 007.
Chandler: Look, it's my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I would never do anything to upset you.
Ross: When I got married you slept with my sister.
Chandler: That was pretty 007.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still working on the seating chart as Joey enters.]
Joey: Hey.
Monica: Hey. Oh good-good you're here! All right, I figured it out. I'm gonna take two tables of eight, I'm gonna add your parents, and I'm gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two extra meals, we are good to go!
Joey: Yeah, they're not coming.
Monica: (looking at him) What?!
Joey: Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me. They...feel a little unwanted.
Monica: Oh that's too bad. It's true, but too bad.
Joey: Look Mon, if you could just call my mom...
Monica: Oh Joey!
Joey: Come on! Look just-just tell-let her know that you really want them to be there. Let's not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over the years.
Monica: No she hasn't.
Joey: Is it her fault that some of them didn't make it to you?
Monica: Well, what am I going to say?
Joey: I don't know. Just uh, just tell 'em it was a mix-up with the invitations, or-No-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They hate the post office. And the Irish! But I don't think you can blame it on them, so... (He dials the phone and hands it to Monica.)
Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah I'm just calling to say that Chandler and I uh, really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that we sent weren't delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What, are they Irish?! (Joey gives her a thumbs up.)
[Scene: A restaurant, Melissa, Rachel, and Phoebe are talking.]
Melissa: ...anyway, his name is Allan and we've been going out for three years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. (Rachel and Phoebe politely laugh) And he was Theta Beta Pi at Syracuse.
Rachel: Oh. Oh, that's great!
Melissa: Hmm Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority?
Phoebe: Of course! Yeah, I was uh, umm Thigh Mega Tampon.
Melissa: What one?
Phoebe: Yeah! Y'know, we were really huge too, but then they had to shut us down when Regina Philange died of alcohol poisoning.
Melissa: Oh, isn't a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch? (Phoebe agrees by grunting.)
Rachel: (changing the subject) Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh, tellin' Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I uh, we made out.
Melissa: (shocked) What?
Rachel: Remember?! We-come on, we both had the sarongs on, and we had the-the coconut bikini tops...
Melissa: Yeah?
Rachel: ...we went back to the house and we got really silly and we...we made out.
Melissa: Oh wow, Ray-ray I have no idea what you're talking about.
Phoebe: Really?!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]
Chandler: Ross is Batman!
Monica: Well, he did manage to keep his identity secret for a long time.
Chandler: Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. Okay Batman is so much cooler than James Bond!
Monica: What are you talking about?! 007 has all those gadgets!
Chandler: Batman has a utility belt!
Monica: 007 has a fancy car!
Chandler: Batman has the Batmobile!
Monica: 007 gets all the ladies.
Chandler: Batman has Robin! (Pause) We get ESPN right?
Monica: How about you go put on your 007 tuxedo and I'll make you a nice martini.
Chandler: Actually, I don't like martinis.
Monica: How about a Youhoo with a funny straw?
Chandler: Ooh, yum! (Runs into the bedroom.)
Joey: (entering) Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Joey: Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?
Monica: The show?!
Joey: Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, it's gonna start a little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?
Monica: Have you ever been to one of my weddings?
Joey: Ah. Yeah. Well look, the thing is it's the same day as my niece's christening and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me. 'Cause my part's just in the beginning I'm not even in the rest of the show-Wedding!
Monica: The wedding starts at six.
Joey: Okay. Okay, I totally hear ya. Oo how about this? I vamp a little 'til they get there?
Monica: You'll vamp?!
Joey: Yeah! Yeah y'know, like warm up the crowd. Ask 'em where they're from. 'Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister and you get an entertainer. I'm a minis-tainer! (Rapping) There is no-one better! There is no-one greater!
[Scene: The restaurant, continued from earlier.]
Rachel: How can you not remember us kissing?!
Melissa: I don't know. I don't remember a lot of things that never happened.
Rachel: Wh... Come on! Remember? We were on the sleeping porch! We couldn't stop giggling? And our coconuts kept knockin' together?
Phoebe: Oh, somewhere Joey's head is exploding.
Rachel: Yeah-but come on-Listen, I'm sorry I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I told Phoebe that it happened and she doesn't believe me.
Melissa: I'm sorry Ray-ray. I mean if I thought it happened I would say it. Maybe I passed out and you did stuff to me while I was sleeping.
Rachel: No!!
Phoebe: Rachel, it's okay. You don't have to do this. I believe you. All right? Okay, if-if you say that you kissed Melissa, then you kissed Melissa.
Rachel: Thank you Phoebe.
Melissa: She didn't.
Phoebe: I know.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are working on the seating chart as Ross enters carrying his tux around.]
Ross: Hey!
Monica: You just carry that around?
Ross: Yes. I find it to be something of a conversation piece.
Monica: Between you and...
Ross: Gunther. (To Chandler) Hey-hey! Why don't we put them on? Y'know get a picture of Batman and James Bond together.
Chandler: I would but mine doesn't fit. The pants are a little tight.
Monica: A little tight? I could see double-oh and seven in those pants.
Ross: Well that stinks. I was looking forward to us wearing our celebrity tuxes together.
Chandler: Well, does that mean that you're not going to be wearing yours?
Ross: What, are you kidding? It's Batman's tux!!
Chandler: (standing up) Let me try it on!
Ross: Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin' in there.
Chandler: (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds something in the pocket) What's this?
Ross: What?
Chandler: An invitation for the At First Sight premiere? Oh my God! Val Kilmer didn't wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity love story where he played a blind guy!
Ross: Let me see that! (Grabs the invitation and reads it.) Oh man!
Chandler: The only superpower you have is a slightly heightened sense of smell. (Hands him the jacket and walks away.)
Joey: (entering) Hey! Uh, Monica? Chandler? Can I talk to you guys for a second?
Monica: All right that's it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it! You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom to stand at the altar and scream racial slurs? I don't care!
Joey: No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents, that was really sweet. They're so happy they get to be a part of your special day.
Monica: (defeated) Oh.
Chandler: Well, you're welcome. And tell them we're really glad they're coming.
Joey: Okay. I will. Ohh! Check out what they got me to wear for the ceremony! (Runs to his apartment and returns wearing a rather silly hat.) Huh? I wear it like this when I marry you guys, and then this (He tilts it to the side of his head) is for party time.
[Scene: Outside the restaurant, Melissa, Phoebe, and Rachel are emerging.]
Rachel: It happened! I am telling you it happened!
Melissa: Okay. (To Phoebe) Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I don't think I'll be calling you (hails a cab) because umm, y'know you've gotten weird. (The cab pulls up.) Take care you guys.
(She's about to get in when...)
Rachel: What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! (She does so.) Okay? Look, that night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and I'm not gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you don't remember that, maybe you will remember this! (She grabs Melissa and kisses her on the lips.)
Melissa: My God! You love me!
Rachel: (shocked) What?
Melissa: Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can still hear the coconuts knockin' together I... (Phoebe is shocked.) I just didn't want to tell you 'cause I didn't think that you'd return my love, and now that you have... (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)
Rachel: (moving away) Whoa! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Melissa: Aww, look who's being suddenly shy. You can't tell me you don't feel what I feel. Nobody can kiss that good and not mean it. (Goes in again.)
Rachel: (moves away again) I-I-I-I'm just...I'm just a good kisser!
Melissa: (suddenly frightened) Shut up!
Rachel: I'm sorry!
Melissa: (laughs) Oh you don't have to be (Laughs again) sorry. I'm...I'm obviously kidding. I'm not in love with you. (To Phoebe) I'm not in love with her. I don't hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I don't...picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go. Eh...kiss good-bye? (Rachel stares at her stunned.) No? Okay. (Hurries into the cab and drives off.)
Rachel: Wow! I mean I had no idea that that was gonna...
(Suddenly, Phoebe leans in and kisses her on the lips!)
Rachel: What the hell was that?!
Phoebe: I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
Rachel: And?
Phoebe: I've had better.
Ending Credits
[Scene: Ralph Lauren, Rachel is hooking Chandler up with another tuxedo.]
Chandler: (yelling from the changing room) All right! I found one that fits!
Rachel: Well y'know what they say, the 23rd time's the charm. (Chandler enters.) Aww, look at you all handsome!
Chandler: Whose is it?
Rachel: Oh does it matter?! All that matters is that you look so handsome.
Chandler: Whose is it?
Rachel: I don't want to say.
Chandler: Oh, come on! I don't care! Come on! Whose is it?
Rachel: Diane Keaton. | Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Who recreates a kiss with Melissa? A: Winona Ryder; Q: Who played Melissa? A: Phoebe; Q: Who disbelieves Rachel capable of reliving a passionate kiss? A: the kiss; Q: What did Rachel recreate to prove she could have feelings for Melissa? A: Chandler; Q: Who is excited when he rents the same tuxedo that Pierce Brosnan wore as James Bond? A: Ross; Q: Who claims to have tried on the same tuxedo Val Kilmer wore in Batman Forever? Summary: Rachel runs into Melissa ( Winona Ryder ), a former sorority sister with whom she once had a passionate kiss. However, Melissa denies it ever happened. Phoebe disbelieves Rachel capable of that, so Rachel recreates the kiss with surprising results: Melissa does remember and has feelings for Rachel. Meanwhile Chandler is excited when he rents the same tuxedo that Pierce Brosnan wore as James Bond , but feels outdone when Ross claims to have tried on the same tux Val Kilmer wore in Batman Forever . |
Written by Dennis Spooner
(Based on an idea by Terry Nation)
5:50pm - 6:15pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM
(The DOCTOR has just wired in the MONK's directorial circuit, which hopefully will take them back to the planet Kembel.)
SARA: I thought that you said that it was finished.
DOCTOR: Yes, my dear, I've finished, but...
STEVEN: Oh come on, Doctor. We haven't got time for buts. This is our only hope!
DOCTOR: You realise, my boy, we're taking a terrible chance.
STEVEN: You can save your breath. We've got to try it!
(The DOCTOR thinks about it for a moment.)
DOCTOR: Very well. Pull the main switch!
(STEVEN reaches across and pulls the switch on the console. In the background the usual dematerialisation sound is heard, but a second later an explosion rocks the room, throwing all of them to the floor...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. DALEKS' CONTROL ROOM, KEMBEL
(With its strange humming and whistling noise, the DALEKS' Time Machine materialises in a corner. The Time Machine's doors open, and the Daleks that have survived the trip and MAVIC CHEN step out of the machine to be greeted by the ADMINISTRATOR-DALEK. MAVIC CHEN is carrying the Taranium Core.)
MAVIC CHEN: The mission has been completed successfully. With guile and cunning, I have been able to repossess the Taranium.
(The ADMINISTRATOR-DALEK totally ignores this and speaks to the PATROL LEADER.)
ADMINISTRATOR-DALEK: Are you certain it is the real core?
(MAVIC CHEN assumes, typically, that the ADMINISTRATOR-DALEK is talking to him, since he believes that he is the most important being in the room.)
MAVIC CHEN: Of course. I had it examined before we arrived here. It is ready to be fitted to the Time Destructor. I hope that the Daleks will not suffer any more setbacks which could upset the plans for our conquest of the universe.
ADMINISTRATOR-DALEK: The final conference of the remaining members of the Galactic Council awaits you.
MAVIC CHEN: (Arrogantly.) I shall go and address them... presently.
(He walks out of the room with the total arrogance of someone who doesn't even know what arrogance means.)
PATROL LEADER: (To the ADMINISTRATOR-DALEK.) The task force has disembarked.
ADMINISTRATOR-DALEK: Excellent. Is the core fitted to the Time Destructor?
PATROL LEADER: That is being done. Do we now deal with Mavic Chen?
ADMINISTRATOR-DALEK: No. His arrogance and greed have a further use for us. Alert the council to attend their final conference.
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. TARDIS CONSOLE ROOM
(The DOCTOR, STEVEN and SARA have picked themselves up, but they are still a little bit shaken by the explosion.)
DOCTOR: Well, fortunately there's no damage done to the control panel itself.
STEVEN: But the directional unit?
DOCTOR: Oh, that's useless, dear boy. Useless. Take a look for yourself.
(The unit is a charred wreck.)
SARA: What happened?
DOCTOR: Well, the unit required a much higher energy rate then we process.
SARA: Then why did it burn out and not the TARDIS controls?
DOCTOR: A built-in safety measure, my dear. You see, the excess energy must have forced itself back into the directional unit, and that means that our plans to return to Kembel have failed.
STEVEN: That means that the Daleks can invade the universe and conquer it.
DOCTOR: Yes, and there's nothing that we can do about it.
SARA: (Frantic.) There must be something we can do, Doctor. You must try to think of some way.
DOCTOR: Well, our only chance, my dear, is to try and capture the Monk's Time Machine, or that of the Daleks.
STEVEN: Yes, well let's get going!
DOCTOR: Have patience, dear boy. It's highly probable that they've all left by now. And I should think there's one or two of those Egyptians around. Let's take a look on the scanner.
(The DOCTOR touches the scanner switch and the screen flares into life. The picture it shows is one of a jungle, and not the tomb that the crew is expecting.)
SARA: But that's not ancient Egypt.
STEVEN: It's... It's more like Kembel!
DOCTOR: Yes. It's vaguely familiar. It might be Kembel. Do you know, that means that that directional unit must have burned itself out after we'd dematerialised! (To STEVEN.) I wonder if you'd bring that, um... that impulse compass.
STEVEN: Hmm... yeah, sure.
(STEVEN goes and gets it.)
DOCTOR: (To SARA.) Well, now, young lady, perhaps you'll have more faith in me in the future, hmm? I thought something would work out.
SARA: (Shocked and a little angry.) But it was you who said we'd failed!
DOCTOR: Oh, nonsense, nonsense.
SARA: Well, it wasn't me!
DOCTOR: Of course it was...
(STEVEN comes back into the room and sees what is happening, and steps in before it becomes a fight.)
STEVEN: Oh come on, Doctor, you'll have to forgive her. After all, she hasn't known you very long.
DOCTOR: Yes, well, perhaps, perhaps. Anyway, now that we are here, we had better make a plan.
STEVEN: How far do you think that we are from the Dalek city?
DOCTOR: I've no idea. Though I think that we might be able to make it on foot. Perhaps I'd better go out and take some bearings. Open the door, dear boy.
STEVEN: Yes.
(As STEVEN opens the main doors, the DOCTOR puts on his cloak and goes outside.)
SARA: (Almost furious.) That man! He was as much in the dark as we were, and now he has the gall to...
STEVEN: Very good, you're getting to know him quite well.
SARA: Before this is over...
STEVEN: Ah, ah, ah, save it for the Daleks.
(And they both leave the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. GALACTIC COUNCIL ROOM
(Much has changed since the council first met. All that is left of the Council now are GEARON, MALPHA, SENTREAL, BEAUS & CELATION, and they are not happy about the way that they have been treated and the preferential treatment of MAVIC CHEN by the DALEKS.)
CELATION: There has been too much time wasted through the folly of the representative from Earth. Surely, it is only right that on his return he be removed from this council.
BEAUS: But without him, there will be no Taranium!
CELATION: The Daleks have assured us that they will recapture the core of the Time Destructor.
BEAUS: Then we do not need Mavic Chen?
CELATION: Exactly! He no longer merits a place on this Galactic Council. I call for a censure motion.
(The Council bangs on the table, stating their agreement, but none of them has noticed that the BLACK DALEK has entered the room.)
BLACK DALEK: SILENCE!
(The Council, in shock, stops banging.)
BLACK DALEK: The final conference is now in session. Mavic Chen, representative from the Solar System, will address the meeting.
(MAVIC CHEN marches into the room like he owns the place. The other members look at him with barely hidden dislike.)
MAVIC CHEN: Fellow delegates, even as you sit here, the great war force, assembled under the Daleks, is awaiting the final order to set out and conquer the universe!
BEAUS: Why is Mavic Chen speaking for the Dalek Supreme?
(MAVIC CHEN, enmeshed in his tirade, totally ignores the question.)
MAVIC CHEN: The final checks are being made. And in a very short time, that final order will be given!
CELATION: Why is it that Mavic Chen is in possession of information denied to the rest of this Council?
(Again MAVIC CHEN ignores the outburst.)
MAVIC CHEN: Although we are all equal partners with the Daleks on this great conquest... some of us are more equal than others.
(BEAUS bangs his fist on the table, barely able to hold in his anger.)
BEAUS: The representative speaks out of turn!
MAVIC CHEN: No! My contribution, of the emm of Taranium, is greater than all of yours put together. You have been dwarfed, dwarfed!
(This is met by total outrage from the other representatives, and the table rocks with the banging that it is getting.)
CELATION: This violates the agreement by which this council was assembled.
BEAUS: Arrest him! Arrest him! Arrest him!
(There is uproar amongst the delegates.)
MAVIC CHEN: You are nothing! Do you hear me? Nothing!
CELATION: Your ambition condemns you, Mavic Chen.
DELEGATES: Death! Death!
(Total uproar, and then MAVIC CHEN draws out his blaster and fires at BEAUS. BEAUS screams, and dies and falls to the floor. This makes all of the other Delegates quiet down, and no one notices the BLACK DALEK leaving the room.)
MAVIC CHEN: (Smiling.) Before this conference began, the Dalek Supreme and I spoke together. This Council now is under my power. I will give the orders. You will obey them!
(Total shock from the other delegates.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. JUNGLE
(STEVEN and SARA are moving slowly forward through the jungle. The Jungle is filled with strange noises and STEVEN is ever watchful for the Varga plants. The DOCTOR is nowhere in sight.)
STEVEN: You all right?
SARA: Yes, though this jungle is hardly the place I'd choose for a gentle stroll.
STEVEN: Just be careful of the Vargas.
SARA: Vargas? I haven't seen any Varga plants.
STEVEN: They've all over the...
(He notices that there are no Varga plants in sight - a change since his last visit when the planet was populated with hundreds of Varga plants.)
STEVEN: Come to think about it, neither have I. I thought the Daleks scattered them all over Kembel.
SARA: Steven! You sure we're on Kembel?
STEVEN: 'Course I am. The Doctor was certain when he took these rea...
(He notices that the DOCTOR isn't with them.)
STEVEN: Where is he?
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. GALACTIC COUNCIL ROOM
(The delegates are still arguing about MAVIC CHEN's speech.)
CELATION: We have all served the common cause! All of us!
MAVIC CHEN: Indeed we have. But I, Mavic Chen, was solely responsible for the recovery of the Core of the Time Destructor. Because of this, I...
(He points to himself with total arrogance.)
MAVIC CHEN: ...naturally precede anyone here. For without my power, the Daleks cannot succeed. You do appreciate the point!
(MALPHA has noticed that the BLACK DALEK is missing.)
CELATION: There remains one question. Where is our co-ruler - the Dalek Supreme?
(MAVIC CHEN is throw off a little by this.)
MAVIC CHEN: He... He was... Oh.
(They look about the room and the BLACK DALEK is not there.)
MAVIC CHEN: It is clear that he knows that I can run this council without his aid. Now, gentlemen, we come to the main discussion before this meeting. The apportioning of the government of the universe after the conquest. All of you will be allowed to oversee your own galaxies. BUT... all of you will be responsible to the Dalek Supreme... and me!
(Some DALEKS enter the room with their guns pointed at each of the Delegates, including MAVIC CHEN.)
DALEK: This meeting is over!
MAVIC CHEN: But it's isn't...
DALEK: There will be no more discussion. All representatives will come with us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. JUNGLE
(STEVEN and SARA are looking for the City and are trying to use the compass. There is still no sign of the DOCTOR.)
STEVEN: Where can he have got to?
SARA: Anywhere you like out there.
(She points to the jungle.)
STEVEN: This is serious. Perhaps the Daleks have caught him.
SARA: Then now they'll be looking for us. Look, Steven, with or without the Doctor we've got to get to the Dalek city and put that place out of action.
STEVEN: Yes but, Sara, what about the Doctor? He can't just have vanished into thin air. We've got to find him.
SARA: No. Not yet. Mavic Chen will have returned with the Taranium. That means the Daleks' plans will be ready to go ahead and we've got to stop them!
STEVEN: I understand that! We can't just leave the Doctor wandering around lost in this jungle.
SARA: If I know anything about him, he's already reached the city. If we go there, we can stop the Daleks and find the Doctor.
STEVEN: Yes, all right.
(They move on.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. MORE JUNGLE
(STEVEN is looking at the compass.)
STEVEN: The stronger signal's on bearing 242. According to the Doctor, the Dalek city is over there.
(They move on again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. ANOTHER PART OF THE JUNGLE
SARA: Where to now?
STEVEN: I'll take another reading...
SARA: What exactly is...
(STEVEN hushes her, and moves the compass about trying to get a reading.)
STEVEN: So far, so good. We're on the right track. The source of power is still 242.
SARA: Would you mind telling me how that thing works?
STEVEN: What now?
SARA: Yes now.
STEVEN: Look, Sara, this is no time for a lesson on the power impulse compass.
SARA: Supposing something happens to you?
STEVEN: What are you talking about?
SARA: I'd have to go ahead and reach the city alone. Don't you think you ought to show me how it works in case of accidents?
STEVEN: (Slightly put out.) Oh, you are so cheerful, aren't you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. DALEKS' CONTROL ROOM
(The room is filled with Daleks working and the BLACK DALEK.)
DALEK 1: The Galactic Representatives have been detained, as you instructed.
BLACK DALEK: They will be destroyed at the same time as the headquarters, at the start of the conquest of the planet Earth. Commence invasion countdown!
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. LANDING PAD
(STEVEN and SARA have reached the landing pad where the Representatives' spaceships are parked.)
STEVEN: There it is - the take-off area.
SARA: Yes. Are those the Daleks' ships?
STEVEN: No. Those belong to the other representatives.
SARA: Where's the Daleks' landing area?
STEVEN: There too, possibly. But those representative ships will have to take off first to collect their forces for the invasion.
SARA: (Starting forward.) Right, let's get going.
STEVEN: (Holding on to her.) Just a minute!
SARA: Why? We've got to defeat the Daleks.
STEVEN: We've got to try to defeat the Daleks. If you and I just charge in there, what chance do you think we've got against the greatest war force ever assembled.
SARA: (A little annoyed.) Oh, for heaven's sake, we'll go carefully. Look, Steven, just because the Doctor isn't here, don't think that you're the only one who can outwit the Daleks.
STEVEN: Look, I don't think that. But, as you said, in any case, we'll probably find he's here already
SARA: Come on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. A CORRIDOR IN THE DALEK CITY
(STEVEN and SARA move forward slowly and carefully, ready to jump for cover in case a Dalek makes an appearance, but there is no sign of them.)
STEVEN: I don't get it. It's uncanny. I mean, where have the Daleks got to?
SARA: It's like a city of the dead.
STEVEN: Let's see if there's any sign of life down here.
(They move forward - not a Dalek in sight.)
STEVEN: We should have been challenged by now!
SARA: Hmm, we haven't come very far yet.
STEVEN: What's that got to do with it?
SARA: They're probably making final preparations for the invasion.
STEVEN: Yes, well, they still need guards out here.
SARA: Maybe they're not frightened.
STEVEN: They always take some precautions.
SARA: Alright, you think of an explanation.
STEVEN: Well look, suppose... suppose the Doctor did come here and they have caught him...
SARA: Then now they'll be looking for us.
STEVEN: No, possibly not. Not if he said he was alone.
SARA: Huh! They wouldn't believe him!
STEVEN: Why not? We weren't anywhere around.
SARA: Steven, this could all be a trick. If they have caught the Doctor, then they could be waiting for us.
STEVEN: No. If they've caught the Doctor, they won't worry about us. We've got to find him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. DALEKS' CONTROL ROOM
(STEVEN and SARA move into the Control Room, which surprises both of them by being completely empty - not a Dalek in sight.)
STEVEN: This place is empty too.
SARA: Then it must be a trap.
STEVEN: Why?
SARA: Well, it looks like a control room. The Daleks wouldn't leave a place like this unguarded.
STEVEN: Yes, that's true. That means they must have the Doctor, if they can be this sure of themselves.
(He sees the Daleks' Time Machine.)
STEVEN: Hey, isn't this their time machine?
SARA: Now we can get back to Earth and warn them.
STEVEN: Yes, except that neither of us knows how to work it. We could bluff them.
SARA: How?
STEVEN: If we could lock ourselves inside their Time Machine until they let the Doctor come to us. Well, he could work it.
SARA: It's worth a try.
(She turns to the controls.)
SARA: Now we've got to contact the Daleks.
(She touches some controls.)
SARA: Steven! Here's the Daleks' loudspeaker system.
(She speaks into the microphone on the control panel.)
SARA: This is Sara Kingdom of Space Security. Send the Doctor to the control room.
STEVEN: I'd better try to get into that Time Machine.
(Suddenly, MAVIC CHEN's voice speaks from the loudspeaker.)
MAVIC CHEN: (OOV.) Hello, Kingdom, Where are you?
SARA: That's Chen!
STEVEN: He must still be working with them! (To the microphone.) Mavic Chen, can you hear me?
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. A CELL
(The Daleks have moved the Representatives to a small cell. The voices of STEVEN and SARA can be heard. All of the other Representatives now don't trust MAVIC CHEN an inch after the speech in the Council Chamber.)
STEVEN: (OOV.) Let us speak to the Doctor.
CELATION: (To MAVIC CHEN.) Is this more treachery? Who are these people?
MAVIC CHEN: They are the people who stole the Taranium!
CELATION: Why have they come back?
MAVIC CHEN: (Screaming.) I DON'T KNOW! YOU MUST LET ME SPEAK TO THEM!
CELATION: NO! Already you have betrayed us. This could be another trick.
STEVEN: (OOV.) Mavic Chen! Let me speak to the Doctor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. DALEK CONTROL ROOM
SARA: Don't waste time. They'll be on their way to us by now.
STEVEN: Yes, but if they don't bring the Doctor, the plan's useless.
CELATION: (OOV.) Listen to me.
SARA: (Into microphone.) Who's that?
CELATION: Through the treachery of Chen we have been imprisoned.
SARA: (Into microphone.) Who are you?
CELATION: (OOV.) We are the Galactic Council. Will you release us?
STEVEN: (Into the microphone.) Where are you?
CELATION: (OOV.) In a detention cell.
STEVEN: (Shouting into the microphone.) YES, BUT WHERE?
CELATION: (OOV.) We do not know!
(STEVEN starts to move towards the door.)
STEVEN: We've got to find them!
SARA: No, wait! This could be all part of the trick.
STEVEN: No, I don't think so. Look, if there were any Daleks around, they'd be here by now. They must have gone. Maybe the Doctor's with the Council! Come on!
(Both of them rush out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. CELL
CELATION: Mavic Chen, if this is a further trick, we shall destroy you before they could destroy us.
MAVIC CHEN: (Frantic.) It's not a trick!
ANOTHER DELEGATE: Then why have they come back!
MAVIC CHEN: If you'd only think! Is there no sense in the outer galaxies? It is clear that they have lost their leader - the one they call the Doctor. The girl has bought the young man here to look for him, but really she has come back out of loyalty to me - to ensure my safety as the Guardian as the Solar System.
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. ANOTHER CORRIDOR
(STEVEN and SARA are running.)
SARA: Now where?
STEVEN: How should I know. Just look at this place - it's fantastic.
SARA: Come along. No time for sightseeing. Let's try down here.
(They go on.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. CELL
MAVIC CHEN: The efficiency of our security system is one of the main reasons for our natural supremacy.
(The others looks like they don't know and don't care.)
CELATION: What about the Daleks?
MAVIC CHEN: Once we are out of here, we can destroy the Daleks. Between us, we muster a greater force than they do. We can form our own galactic council.
DELEGATE: Listen!
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. CORRIDORS
(We see STEVEN and SARA running down them.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. CELL, EXTERIOR
(They pull up outside the cell and open the shutters. Inside, the Representatives look up at the new arrivals.)
STEVEN: That's them.
MAVIC CHEN: Kingdom! You've done well. Now let us out of here.
STEVEN: No.
MAVIC CHEN: What do you mean, no?
STEVEN: Where is the Doctor?
CELATION: If he is your leader, he is not with us.
STEVEN: (Shouting.) Where is he?
MAVIC CHEN: I don't know. Now let us out!
STEVEN: So that you can rejoin the Daleks? Not likely.
CELATION: Absurd! The Daleks have betrayed us!
DELEGATE: Betrayed!
CELATION: Why should we rejoin them?
SARA: If we let them out, there's just a chance that some of them could mobilise a force to defeat the Daleks.
DELEGATE: Of course we will!
(STEVEN looks undecided.)
CELATION: You must! The Daleks must be destroyed, or our galaxies are in danger!
SARA: We have no choice.
(STEVEN thinks about this.)
STEVEN: Very well.
(He turns to the prisoners.)
STEVEN: But the Daleks have already left Kembel. It's probable that their invasion plans are already going ahead and the universe can be taken by surprise, because of your greed!
MAVIC CHEN: Must you moralise...
(But STEVEN cuts him off.)
STEVEN: Your only chance is to go back to your own people and warn them.
DELEGATE: Our people will kill us!
CELATION: Not if we save them. We must destroy the Daleks.
OTHERS: Destroy!
(MAVIC CHEN doesn't say this.)
MALPHA: We agree to go and defend our galaxies and to organise a search for the Dalek invasion force.
(SARA is convinced.)
SARA: Let them out, Steven.
(STEVEN thinks about this long and hard.)
STEVEN: Yes, all right.
(He unlocks the door and all of the prisoners exit. With his usual style, MAVIC CHEN turns to SARA.)
MAVIC CHEN: You are a sensible woman, Kingdom. I will see that you are justly rewarded.
(SARA stares at him with a look of pure hatred.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. JUNGLE
(The ships of the now-freed prisoners are powering up. On the outskirts of the city, STEVEN and SARA are watching. MALPHA's ship leaps straight into the sky.)
SARA: There they go.
STEVEN: Yes, let's hope they'll be in time. Look, there's the ship of Celation and Beaus.
(The other three take off, leaving the Spar still on the ground.)
SARA: Chen's ship is still there.
STEVEN: Yes, he must be nearly the last one to take off.
(A powering-up, humming noise can be heard.)
SARA: What about the others?
STEVEN: Those must belong to the dead representatives.
SARA: Chen's taking his time to get off.
STEVEN: There he goes.
(A small jet of flame shoots from the afterburners of the Spar.)
STEVEN: No!
SARA: Something's gone wrong.
(The Spar explodes into millions of tiny pieces What's left of it collapses back onto itself. The fact that the city was constructed of metal prevents it from catching fire.)
STEVEN: He's had it.
SARA: Now he won't be able to get back to Earth and warn them.
STEVEN: Let's hope that the others can mobilise fast enough. There must be something we can do.
SARA: Yes - find the Doctor.
(They move forward.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22. JUNGLE
(They are moving forward when a noise reaches them from further down the track.)
STEVEN: Shh!
SARA: What?
STEVEN: Listen
SARA: The Doctor?
STEVEN: No!
(They hide behind one of the relatively safe tree-like growths. After a moment, the vegetation parts and into sight comes a Dalek. It pauses for a moment and then moves off down the path that the travellers have been taking.)
SARA: They're still here.
STEVEN: We must follow it! Quickly!
(They run forwards after it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23. SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN
(They follow the Dalek and watch it enter a cave at the entrance of the mountain.)
STEVEN: It went down there - right into the heart of the mountain.
SARA: Underground. Why didn't we think of that before.
STEVEN: Sara, it's possible the invasion hasn't started yet. Maybe the rest of the force are down there.
SARA: Or part of them. There must be hundreds of places like that.
STEVEN: Yes, but that Dalek must know that the representatives got away.
SARA: They might even know that we're on Kembel.
STEVEN: The representatives gone and the Doctor disappeared - we're gonna have to put them out of action ourselves.
SARA: Can we?
STEVEN: We've got to. Earth will still be invaded.
(A familiar voice rings out behind them.)
MAVIC CHEN: Certainly. Thanks to you.
(He stands covering them with a blaster, looking very alive and very smug.)
SARA: Chen! But you're dead!
MAVIC CHEN: Not yet, my innocent one, though I'm delighted my pyrotechnic display impressed you. No, I am alive and soon shall be master of the universe! Perhaps, Kingdom, you'd like to lead the way.
(He gestures at the tunnel with his blaster.)
SARA: Down there?
MAVIC CHEN: Of course. I'm certain the Daleks will be delighted to see you.
(Faced with no alternative, SARA leads the way into the tunnel. STEVEN and MAVIC CHEN following behind her.) | Plan: A: Missing episode; Q: What is the name of the episode that was supposed to be in the year 4000? A: the year 4000; Q: In what year did the Daleks conspire to conquer the Solar System? A: treachery; Q: What is at the highest levels of the Daleks' scheme? A: a weapon; Q: What is the Daleks using to destroy the fabric of time? A: catastrophe; Q: What can only the Doctor and his friends prevent? A: no guarantee; Q: Is there a guarantee that the Doctor and his friends will escape with their lives? Summary: Missing episode In the year 4000, the Daleks conspire to conquer the Solar System. Their scheme involves treachery at the highest levels and a weapon capable of destroying the very fabric of time. Only the Doctor and his friends can prevent catastrophe - and there is no guarantee they will escape with their lives... |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Lilah interrogating Merl: "We heard you do favors for Angel." Merl hanging upside down over a sewer with Angel holding on to the rope.
Merl: "That is all I know, man, I swear." Angel dips Merl into the sewer.
Wesley: "The host reads their souls, senses their futures."
Cordy: "Yes, but he can only do it when they sing Karaoke." Angel meets Gunn and gang for the first time.
Angel: "I wanna find those kids. I don't think any of them have homes. If their hunting vampires, then they're gonna get themselves killed." Gunn sees George's body. Gunn slams Rondell up against the truck.
Gunn: "You should have waited for me."
Rondell: "We been waiting on you for months, bro." Angel tosses Darla through the glass doors of his suite. Angel and Darla kissing and going at it.
Angel: "Get dressed and get out, because the next time I see you, I will have to kill you." Close on Angel's face.
Angel: "That night still haunts me. I'm ashamed of how I treated you. (Looks down) The way I used you. (Looks back up) I took - what I needed, (looks back down) then I cast you aside and that - that was wrong of me. Was very wrong." Angel looks back up at - Merl, sitting on a chair in Caritas.
Merl: "He's reading!" We see that the bar is empty except for Merl and Angel sitting facing each other, Wes standing behind Angel and Gunn, Lorne and Cordy leaning against the bar behind Merl.
Angel: "I made some notes."
Merl: "I don't feel the sincerity here."
Angel: "I told you this was a waste of time."
Merl: "Real friends don't need notes."
Angel: "We're not *friends* Merl! We barely even know each other."
Merl: "Not like you made the effort either, is it?!" Merl gets up and heads for the exit. Cordy steps in front of Merl.
Angel: "No, you know what? No, no, no. Let him go if he wants to."
Cordy to Merl: "Merl, you said you'd listen to what Angel had to say."
Wesley to Angel: "You promised you'd make an attempt."
Merl to Cordy: "You get a load of that insincere tripe he was reading?"
Angel to Wes: "I apologized..." (Can't make out the rest of Angel and Wes' talk)
Cordy to Merl: "I hardly think it's fair to blame it on the writing."
Angel to Wes: "What does he *want* from me?!"
Merl turning around: "What do I want? Huh? I tell you what I want. I want back the three months I spent in therapy after being hung upside down in a sewer. That's what *I* want."
Cordy: "Angel, read the cards."
Angel: "No. He's - he's right. He's right. Every time I went to Merl for information he came through. So, I'll tell you what, Merl. - Take a shot. (Stands in front of Merl holding his arms open) Take a shot, Merl." Cordy, Angel, Merl and Wes all talking at once, while the Lorne is shaking his head and Gunn tries not to laugh.
Cordy: "Oh, knock it off, guys."
Angel: "Come on, take your best shot."
Wesley: "Angel, please..."
Angel: "Come on, Merl."
Merl: "You see this? He's goading. He's goading me."
Angel: "Take a shot, Merl. Come on, this one's free."
Merl: "No. No. Shameless with the goading. You see?!"
Angel: "Come on, Merl-la-la. Merl-la-la-la."
Merl: "Okay!" Merl picks up a bottle from the bar and hauls back to hit Angel. But the bottle instead recoils from an invisible wall, throwing Merl back - into Lorne's arms, waiting to catch him.
Merl shakes his head: "Whoa! Man. You did that on purpose! You knew that was gonna happen. You tricked me! Huh?" Angel sits back down in his chair, trying to keep a straight face.
Lorne: "Why, now, I'm sure Angel just forgot for the moment that *any* demon violence is impossible in Caritas."
Angel: "Yeah. I-I - I forgot."
Merl, gesturing dramatically: "Yeah, yeah. Whatever! Okay? 'cause I'm done listening to this bloodsucker! And the same goes for the rest of you, alright? I never want to see any of you ever again!" Merl walks towards the exit, slows, stops and turns.
Merl: "Uh, so, who's gonna give me a ride home?" Gunn's pickup pulls up in a dark, deserted alley and Merl gets out.
Merl: "Thanks. I hope I, ah, didn't take you, ah, (the tires of Gunn's truck squeal as he takes off) too far out of your way!" Merl turns on the overhead light bulb in his home and looks through his mail. Looks up and his mouth forms an 'o'.
Merl: "What the... (throws up his hands and backs away) Hey, hey, hey! No, no, no. No! Noooo!" We see Merl cringe, hear several impacts of a bladed weapon, see yellow-green liquid splatter the wall. Intro Fuzzed out picture of Gunn smiling at Alonna.
Alonna: "Hey, big brother." Flash. Alonna in vamp face. Flash.
Gunn: "I was never gonna let anything happen to you. I was supposed to protect you. You were my sister."
Alonna: "I still am." Alonna vamps out and slowly moves in to bite Gunn.
Gunn: "Good-bye." Gunn stakes Alonna and watches her look at him as she turns to dust.
Gunn: "Alonna!" Gunn jerks up into a sitting position on his bed as he suddenly wakes up. The pager on his nightstand beeps. Yellow gook is coating the light bulb hanging from the ceiling in Merl's home. Angel, standing in the middle of the tossed room turns as Gunn knocks on the open door.
Angel: "You made it."
Gunn: "Yeah. I called the hotel. They said you were down at Merl's. (Points at the wall) What is that?"
Angel: "That's Merl."
Gunn: "Where is the rest of him?" Angel points at the light bulb then at a couple other places around the room.
Gunn: "Nasty. What happened?"
Angel: "I don't know. Stopped by this morning. Thought I'd give 'sincere' one more shot. Even brought donuts. This is what I found. So far, we've ruled out suicide." Wes walks into the room carrying some papers.
Wesley: "I found some of his personal papers, an address book (looks up) Gunn. You're here. Good. Ah, you didn't notice anything odd last night when you dropped Merl off, did you?"
Gunn: "Not really."
Wesley: "Well, we'll - box these up, catalogue them when we get back to the hotel."
Gunn: "Hey, guys - what are we doing?"
Wesley: "Examining the crime scene."
Gunn: "Yeah, I see that. But what's our interest?"
Wesley: "Someone killed Merl."
Gunn: "No, right, I get *that*. Look, I didn't have a beef with Merl, all right? I'm even sorry he got dead, but come on! Is this really the kind of thing we should be spending our time on? I mean he was what he was, right?" Angel looks up from going through Merl's stuff.
Angel: "What's that supposed to mean?"
Gunn: "Nothing. It means what it means. Somebody killed a demon. Hello! We do that every day."
Wesley: "*Merl* was harmless."
Gunn throws up his hands: "Okay."
Angel: "Sure you're not just bent because maybe we interrupted something you'd rather be doing?"
Gunn: "No."
Angel: "Okay. (Keeps sorting through Merl's clothes) Usually doesn't take you two hours to answer a page is all."
Gunn: "Excuse me, but did somebody put you back in charge? Because if they did they forgot to tell me about it." Wesley steps between them.
Wesley: "All right. - Gunn, if this isn't something you can get behind, we'll understand. For now why don't you just go on home." Gunn just stands there looking at Wes. Wes claps him on the arm.
Wesley: "Go home."
Gunn: "You know what? That's probably a *real* good idea." Gunn walks out, past Angel, who is looking through Merl's rolodex.
Angel: "Little creep."
Wesley: "Angel!"
Angel: "Merl. - He's right you know. I never did bother to get to know who he was. Now I guess I'll have to." Day. Gunn's pickup pulls up in front of a rod-iron fence with barbed wire looped through it. Gunn looks at it for a moment, then turns the engine off and gets out of his truck. Gunn walks into a room lit by several candles. Graffiti covers most of the walls. A Hispanic looking guy attacks Gunn with a staff, but Gunn easily matches the other's moves. He takes the staff away from the guy, trips him onto his back and holds the sharpened end of the staff against the guy's neck - only to find a loaded crossbow being held against his own neck by another guy that has come up behind him.
Gio: "This is a situation you might wanna rethink." Gunn turns to look at the crossbow, with the point of the bolt now just inches away from his face.
Gunn: "Nice rig."
Gio: "I'm glad you like it."
Rondell: "He should. He built it. - Gio, you wanna get that thing out of my boy's face?" Gunn drops the staff and holds out a hand to help the Hispanic up as Gio points the crossbow up at the ceiling.
Gunn: "I see you're still passing along a little something of what *I* taught you." Rondell and Gunn hug and exchange a special handshake.
Rondell: "Word's out, brother. Vamps know better than to *even* cross Venice Boulevard these days. Crew's as tight as it's ever been - even back in your day."
Gio points at Gunn: "Charles Gunn?"
Gunn: "That's right."
Gio: "I know all about *you.* *That* name is part of the reason why I came out here."
Rondell: "Gio's from Miami."
Gunn: "Ah, coast to coast, huh?"
Gio: "Little something like that. - Hey, you might be able to help me out. Why is it - that places like LA and Miami bring out the teeth you suppose? I mean, you would think that the vamps would wanna hang in less sunny climes, you know what I'm sayin'?"
Gunn: "Yeah, I think I do."
Gio: "Well, maybe we could ask your *boss* why that is."
Rondell shakes his had: "Yo, Gio."
Gio: "You can't beat 'em, right, Chuck?"
Gunn: "It ain't even like that."
Gio: "Nuh? - Okay. If you say so. See, 'cause *I* heard - that you was like this - big time, alpha vamp killer - and now you working with one? What's up with that?"
Rondell: "Gio - who's supposed to be on point out back?" Gio never taking his eyes off Gunn: "That be me."
Rondell: "So why aren't you back there?" Gio sniffs at Gunn, then gives a little laugh.
Gio: "Yeah. A'right. It's cool. Y'all can have your nice little visit. (Turns to go with a laugh. To Rondell) You might wanna do that outside - in the *sunshine* - just to be on the safe side, you know?" With a last glance back at Gunn, Gio leaves the room several of the others following him. Angel is sitting on the counter in the Hyperion's lobby. Cordy is on the computer at the desk behind the counter.
Cordy: "Some people just need a little time alone. I wouldn't worry."
Angel: "She's *had* time alone. Five years. I think that's the problem." Angel drops off the counter and walks over to look out at Fred, who is standing in the Hyperion's sunny garden court.
Angel: "She's been back in this world for three months and she still hasn't gone out into it." Cordy gets up from her desk and walks into the lobby.
Cordy: "Right. And it's not like the last time she went out into it she got sucked into an interdimensional portal and ended up living like a hunted animal in a hostile demon alterna-world or anything. Oh, wait. Kinda is, isn't it?" Angel walks behind the counter and leans on it.
Angel: "Which is why I'm asking you to, you know, talk to her."
Cordy: "I'm not so sure that's a great idea."
Angel: "You don't like her?"
Cordy: "Sure I like her. What's not to like? (Looks out at Fred) She's sweet and adorable and - seems to be laughing at something that shrub just said. (Turns back to Angel) Look, it's not that I don't like her. It's just - I don't get her."
Angel: "I'm not asking you to 'get' her. I'm just asking you to - talk to her." Angel looks at Cordy a slow smile spreading across his face. Cordy lays the papers down on the counter.
Cordy: "Fine, we'll chat."
Angel: "Thanks." Angel picks up the paper while Cordy walks around the counter towards the door to Wes' office.
Angel: "What's this?'
Cordy: "Enemies of Merl list." Angel looks at it, then follows Cordy into Wes' office. Cordy is leaning the desk where Wesley is writing something.
Angel: "Hey. - Why is my *name* at the top of this list?"
Cordy: "Ah - 'a'?"
Angel: "Merl and I where not enemies."
Cordy: "Oh, okay, my mistake."
Angel: "I'm the one that found the body, remember?"
Cordy: "Oh. And *that's* not suspicious. The one time you pay Merl a social visit and he ends up - dead?"
Wesley: "I recognize quite a few of these names, actually."
Cordy: "You should. Half of them weren't 'enemies of Merl' until we made him snitch on them."
Angel: "Oh, sure. I went *dark* and I killed Merl." Wes and Cordy look at him for a beat.
Wesley: "We'll work backwards, end with the 'a' s. How's that? (Gets up) We should start tracking these names." Angel starts to follow Wesley out, but turns back to Cordy.
Angel: "You know, ask yourself this: if I'd killed Merl would I've - brought donuts?" Rondell and Gunn are walking outside in the sunshine.
Gunn: "I guess that's the word on me around here nowadays, huh? Traitor? Vamp lover?"
Rondell: "Hell, don't go listening to Gio, man. He don't know you." They walk into another shadowy building.
Gunn: "No, but you do. So what you got to say, Rondell. You think I turned my back on you all to hook up with one of them?"
Rondell: "Hell, I don't know. I haven't even seen your back in months, bro. I don't know which way it's facing."
Gunn: "That's no answer."
Rondell: "Truth? I ain't heard word one from you - not since we spread what was left of George in the river. Some of us were even starting to wonder if you were still *in* this world."
Gunn: "I didn't mean to disappear on y'all. I didn't plan it. - Guess after George..."
Rondell: "You were gone way before George. - It was Alonna, man. Things - they were never the same after Alonna."
Gunn: "Couldn't keep my own sister safe. What can I do for the rest of you?"
Rondell: "A lot, man. You done a lot. There's people alive today because of something you started."
Gunn: "No, man. Something *we* started."
Rondell with a smile: "You got that right." They do the handshake again and Rondell catches Gunn in a hug. Night. Wes and Angel are walking along a hallway.
Angel: "What's this one?"
Wes: "Ah, Samuel Larch, a bookie. Merl owed him quite a lot of money."
Angel: "Demon or human?"
Wesley: "I'm not sure." Angel looks at the closed door with the number 424 on it with a sigh.
Angel: "Care to find out?" Angel kicks in the door. Wesley watches Angel walk across the threshold and pulls out a dagger before following Angel in.
Wesley: "Demon then." They look around the room. It is destroyed with yellow slime splashed on the walls and broken furnishings.
Angel: "I think when we find whatever is doing this - we're gonna need Gunn."
Wesley: "I agree. From the looks of this, whatever we're up against is - quite big. Extremely powerful..."
Angel: "...and really pissed off." A big hulking monster is slowly lumbering along a sewer tunnel, emitting loud slurping noises. It is caught in a beam of light and turns around. It stops sucking on a large soda through a straw to look at the camera with a 'deer in the headlights' expression.
Monster: "Hello? - Who's there, please?" A group of armed guys carrying flashlights come charging down the tunnel, easily catching up to the slow-moving demon. They corner him against a grate and begin to hack at it. We get a close up of Gio aiming his crossbow.
Guy: "Smoke him Gio!" Break Wesley is looking over Larch's apartment for clues. He finds the broken off head of a crossbow bolt which looks exactly like the one Gio had loaded when he was threatening to shoot Gunn earlier. Gunn appears in the doorway of the apartment as Wesley is taking a closer look at the bolt.
Wesley: "Gunn."
Gunn: "Hey. Got your page. Where's Angel?"
Wesley: "He's checking on something else. Come in. The victim's name was Samuel Larch. We found him last night." Gunn is examining the yellow gook splashed on the furniture.
Gunn: "The guy was a demon."
Wesley: "Yeah."
Gunn: "Wesley? - What are we doing, man? Who we're supposed to be working for, anyway? Did the Powers send us here? Did Cordy get a vision?"
Wesley: "No."
Gunn: "Then what?"
Wesley: "Charles, things aren't always so simple as - going out and slaying the big, bad ugly. There are in this world shades of gray..."
Gunn: "Yeah. And shades of green, and a kind of sickly looking yellow with pink eyes and sometimes puce with horns, too. I get it. What I don't get is *why* we're suddenly playing cleanup crew to a bunch of lowlife demons! - I mean, okay, so we - we bust our butts day and night until we find whatever it was that did Merl and this Larch guy..."
Wesley: "And six other victims we believe we've linked to it."
Gunn: "So we find this demon killing machine. What then? We gonna stop it? Or thank it?"
Wesley after a beat: "I don't know." Gunn turns away, shaking his head: "You don't know." Wesley adds the little plastic bag holding the arrow point to the other neatly labeled bags lying on a sofa table.
Wesley: "From everything I can determine, this victim was fully assimilated. No history of violence, no threat to anyone. Of the other six, at least two of those *would* have to be classified as irredeemably evil." Gunn sits down on the sofa.
Gunn: "So what are you saying then?"
Wesley: "I'm saying that whatever is responsible for these attacks *isn'*t making any distinctions. It's just killing. Randomly." Angel appears in the doorway.
Angel: "You were right. It happened again."
Wesley: "When." Gunn sees the bag with the arrowhead and picks it up off the table.
Angel: "Last night. A Yarbnie was eviscerated in the sewer near Century City." Wes walks over to his satchel to get something.
Gunn: "Yarbie, what's that?" Gunn gets up from the sofa, casually pocketing the bag with the arrowhead. Wesley, still looking through his bag: "Yarbnie. It's a - balancing entity. They tend to nest in urban areas under roadways - utterly non-violent." Wes is making notes in a book.
Gunn: You know what? Uhm, maybe I should hit the streets. You know, see if I can shake anything lose. I mean, if you want." Angel looks from Gunn to Wesley.
Wesley looks up at Gunn: "Yeah. That's probably a good idea." Gunn as he passes Angel on the way out: "Hey."
Angel: "Hey." Angel glances after Gunn then turns back to watching Wes write in his book. Gunn is holding the bag with the arrowhead in his hand as he and Rondell are walking through the gang's home.
Rondell: "So, you wanna explain this?"
Gunn: "It was dug out of the wall of an apartment over on the Miracle Mile."
Rondell: "Yeah, so?"
Gunn: "So, I recognize it, Rondell. It's out of *my* old rig. The one Gio's been using."
Rondell: "Okay."
Gunn: "Look, I just came by here to give you a heads up, alright? I think you got a rogue on your crew. Your boy Gio's been out there killing anything that moves. Now somebody, meaning you, has got to have a sit-down with him, man. Let him know that this ain't the way we do things down here."
Rondell: "You say you dug this out of an apartment up on the Mile?"
Gunn: "Yes."
Rondell: "Tall white towers. (Gunn nods, and Rondell lets out a laugh) This is funny. Gio ain't no rogue. Yeah, he found the place, but we was all there. The whole crew."
Gunn: "You?"
Rondell: "Bro, the thing living in that apartment? It *wasn't* human. We took care of it."
Gunn: "But - did it attack anybody?"
Rondell: "No. We got away clean."
Gunn: "No, I mean before you broke in."
Rondell: "No, man, we didn't give it a chance to. - What's the matter?"
Gunn: "Nothing."
Gang member: "Yo, Rondell! Everyone's here, man." Gunn sees them handing out machine guns.
Gunn: "What, you guys packing heat now?"
Rondell: "You can never be too careful. I got to go. Hey, you wanna come out with us tonight? (Gunn looks down at the arrow bag. Gio says he found a nest or something. Primo hunting."
Gunn: "No, man. I got something." Rondell points his finger at Gunn as he turns to go: "Be good." Gunn turns to go and finds Gio standing there.
Gio, smiles: "Hey. You know something? - He still thinks you're some kind of hero. - (Looks Gunn up and down) But me and you, we know better, right? (Gunn just looks at him) - Yeah. Yeah, we know better." Gio chuckles as he walks past Gunn to follow the others. Grins at Gunn as he pulls the sliding door shut with a bang. The evidence bags and open books are spread out on the round chair thingy in the Hyperion's lobby. Wes walks over carrying more open books.
Wesley: "I haven't the slightest idea what this might be. It doesn't fit any of the data I have available to me. (Looks at the bags) Something's missing."
Angel: "Maybe it's something that's never been recorded here before."
Cordy: "Just, please, don't tell me another portal has opened up. We have enough monsters in Los Angeles already!" Fred walks down the stairs, her nose buried in a book.
Wesley: "No. Something's *missing*. We're missing one of the evidence bags." Angel walks over to Cordy and keeps motioning with his head towards Fred, who is now headed out in the garden court, eyes still firmly on the open book she is carrying.
Wesley: "Seven, eight, nine, yes, here's ten - here is twelve, but - where is eleven?" Cordy hands the papers she was holding to Angel and walks off.
Wesley: "What was eleven?" Fred sits down on the edge of the fountain in the sun, still reading that old book. Cordy comes down the steps behind her.
Cordy: "Hi." Fred screams and jumps up from the bench.
Fred: "Ah, oh, you-you startled me!"
Cordy: "I'm sorry."
Fred: "No. No, it's my fault. I'm sorry, okay?"
Cordy: "Yeah."
Fred walks towards the stairs: "Well, I'll get out of your way."
Cordy: "No, Fred I want you to stay! Stay." Fred stops and peeks around a pillar back at Cordy. Cordy sits down and pats the fountain wall beside her.
Cordy: "Actually I - I was hoping we could - you know, talk?" Fred comes over and sits down.
Fred: "Well, yeah, of course. They sit there. Cordy takes a deep breath, clears her throat, takes another deep breath.
Fred: "Did you mean now?"
Cordy: "Yes! Yes. I'm sorry. It's just I feel a little awkward. (Takes another deep breath) Angel wants you to get out."
Fred: "Oh, I see. - Okay. (Gets up and turns to walk away) No, I understand. I only have a few things to pack. It won't take long."
Cordy: "No, Fred! That's not what I meant. Out, into the real world, you know, just for an evening or something." Fred lets out a big breath and smiles: "Oh! (Looks at Cordy, eyes going wide) Oh? (Turns to hide her face) Oh..."
Cordy: "Well, not by yourself or anything. What if I... - What if *we* went out together?"
Fred: "Well - I suppose I would be okay if I was with you, right?"
Cordy: "Sure!"
Fred: "I mean, that'd be safe, right?"
Cordy: "Of course it would."
Fred smiling: "No one would even bother to look at me twice with you around!"
Cordy: "Exactly. - Ah. No. - Now, that's just not true! People *will* notice you!"
Fred, not smiling anymore: "They will?"
Cordy: "Yes! And you know why? - Because you'll be standing on a stage in the white-hot spotlight."
Fred staring: "I will?" Cordy grins at her and nods.
Fred looks away: "Oh." Night. Gunn is sitting in his parked truck, staring out the window. He lifts his hand and looks at the arrowhead. Puts it down and starts the engine. Gunn walks into the dimly lit lobby of the Hyperion. Angel comes out of Wes' office looking through some papers.
Angel: "Hey."
Gunn: "Hey. - You the only one here?"
Angel: "Yeah."
Gunn: "You, ah, making any progress?"
Angel: "I don't know. Maybe. I... Wesley thinks these crimes have been random. I'm starting to think otherwise."
Gunn: "Oh?"
Angel: "Yeah. It's just the way it's happening. It - reminds me of - things I've seen before."
Gunn: "How so?"
Angel: "I know the pattern. The seeming randomness of it, the chaos. (Sighs) There is a larger purpose behind every move."
Gunn: "What?"
Angel: "To have fun." Gunn just stands there.
Angel: "Something wrong?"
Gunn: "Nah. - I just need to see the boss. Know where he's at?" Fred is sitting on the stage of Caritas singing "Crazy" by Patsy Cline.
Fred: "Crazy. I'm crazy for feeling so lonely. (Giggles and pushes the hair back from her face) I'm crazy..." Lorne is leaning against the bar. Cordy and Wes are sitting at a table.
Cordy: "I swear to god she picked out the song herself."
Fred: "...for feeling so blue. I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted..." Gunn walks in and sees Fred and smiles.
Fred: "...and then some day, you'd leave me for somebody new." Gunn sees Wes and Cordy at the table and walks in the opposite direction, almost bumping into Lorne. Leans on the bar beside him, looking down. Lorne looks at him.
Gunn: "I know what your doing and don't!" Lorne takes a sip from his drink, still looking at Gunn.
Gunn: "Stop it! Do - not! (Turns to face Lorne) Hey! Don't go reading me!"
Fred: "Worry. Why should I let myself worry?"
Lorne: "I wouldn't. But, sweetie, you're a billboard. (Gunn turns to look towards Wes' table) Yeah. He came in tonight with some questions. Looks to me like you got the answers."
Fred: "I'm crazy for thinking that my love could hold you..."
Gunn: "I really don't feel like going over there."
Lorne: "Yeah, I know. So - you wanna talk about it?"
Fred: "I'm crazy for trying, and crazy for..."
Gunn: "Do I got to sing?" Guys with machine guns are coming down the stairs opening fire on the demon clientele. Fred gets splattered by white demon blood and falls off the stool she is sitting on. Gunn grabs Lorne and they take cover behind the bar.
Gunn: "Go. Down! Come on!" Wes and Cordy tip their table over and crouch behind it. Demons are being shot to pieces as bullets spray the air. One of the guys shoots up the bottles lining the wall behind the bar. Gio walks into the center of the room, leaning the sawed off shotgun he is carrying up against his shoulder and looks around with a big grin.
Gio: "Party! Yoo-hoo!" Break
[SCENE_BREAK]
Gunfire is ringing through the air.
Lorne: "Oh, my club!" Wesley sees Fred stand up on the stage and runs out from behind his table. He jumps on the stage, picks Fred up and makes his way back to Cordy and the table.
Cordy: "What's happening? I thought demon violence was impossible in here."
Wesley: "Those aren't demons." One of the gang shoots at a vampire, who promptly dusts. (Wooden bullets? Stake gun?)
Rondell: "It's time! Lets truck!"
Gio: "Woah, don't be in such a rush, man! You're always in such a hurry. You're liable to miss out on some of the more interesting things in life. - Yo! Charlie Gunn! Come on, now. I know you're in here. Where you at?"
Gunn stands up: "I'm right here." Several guys spin around and cock their guns, pointing them at Gunn.
Rondell: "G-man. What're you doing here?"
Gio, grinning: "Come on. Tell him! Tell him how you been rolling up in here for *months* tossing back drinks with your demon buddies." Gunn just stands there.
Rondell: "What he's saying - that ain't true."
Gio: "Why not? His best friend's a *vampire*. What you expect?"
Gunn: "Rondell, go. Just take your crew and leave."
Rondell: "No. Not until I get some answers."
Gio: "That's right. Answers. The man wants some answers."
Wesley stands up: "Yes, I think we all would."
Cordy: "Wesley!"
Gunn: "Wes, stay out of this."
Wesley: "As much as I would like to, am afraid I'm in it. We all are." Lorne slowly stands up. Gio cocks his head at a couple of guys and they grab Lorne and hustle him out into the open.
Gunn: "Hey. Hey! That's enough!" A gray faced demon keeps babbling: "Oh god, oh god, oh god." Rondell is pointing his gun at Gunn standing next to Lorne in front of the bar.
Rondell: "I don't believe this."
Gunn: "He's okay, man."
Gio: "Uh, nice!"
Rondell: "He ain't okay. Look at him!"
Gunn: "You don't know what you're doing, Rondell."
Wesley: "It was them. They killed Merl and the others. (Gunn and Wes look at each other for a long moment) You knew."
Gunn: "I should have said something. I was going to. I was just... - I was trying to work it out, man. Figure how to deal."
Lorne: "So, have you worked it out yet?"
Gunn: "I'm sorry."
Rondell: "You're gonna apologize to this thing? (Lifts his gun) Move." Gunn steps in front of Lorne.
Gio: "You might wanna."
Gunn: "You can't do that, man. I can't let you. - You lost the mission, bro."
Rondell: "What?!" Gio aims his gun at Gunn with a big grin.
Gunn: "What you been doing, man, this ain't right. None of this is right! This is not what we're about." Rondell still aiming his gun at Gunn: "The hell you say. I don't know what you're about, but we've been doing what we've always done! Protecting our own."
Wesley: "And is it 'protecting your own' to break into other people's homes?"
Rondell: "They ain't people. (Turns, gun now aimed at Wes) Are you?" Cordy gets up to stand beside Wes and immediately guns are aimed at her as well.
Cordy: "Stop! - Stop it."
Wesley: "If you don't mind I'd prefer a clean kill. The last time I was merely wounded. It took months to heal. Wounded, if I recall, in an attempt to help you."
Gunn: "Look at me. Look at me! That's got nothing to do with them. This is between us. (Rondell looks back over his shoulder at Gunn) *Us*. Let 'em go, man."
Gio: "Yeah, why not? We can do that. After all - we ain't *monsters*." Gunn throws his keys at Wes' feet: "Take my truck. The south side. They won't stop you." Wes doesn't move, but Cordy picks up the keys. Rondell turns to aim at Gunn again: "How can you be sitting up in here with these things and tell me I'm the one that lost the mission?"
Gunn: "Because it's true. - We used to face death because we had to. Now you're chasing it down, man, for the fun of it. That ain't right." Rondell spins to aim at Cordy, who is helping Fred up.
Rondell: "One! Just one. Her. (Cordy looks at Wes) The others stay."
Gunn: "Rondell, come on, man!"
Cordy: "I'm not leaving here without her. (Puts an arm around Fred) No way." Some of the gang pull Fred away from her and hustle Cordy towards the door.
Cordy: "No! No!" Wes takes a hold of Fred and they guys let her go to step back and aim their guns at them again.
Rondell: "The rest'll be able to leave *after* she brings back the vampire. (Glances back at Gunn) Then we'll see who lost the mission." Rondell motions with his gun at Cordy: "Go." Cordy looks at Gunn, who nods, then slowly leaves.
Gray demon: "Oh god, oh god, oh god..."
Ugly demon: "Shut up! - He ain't listening." Cordy follows Angel down the steps into the lobby of the Hyperion.
Cordy: "We have to think of a better plan. This is a bad plan. And I tell you why: it's their plan! They want you to go in there where you *can't* fight, so they can kill you!"
Angel: "I don't have a choice."
Cordy: "It'll be suicide."
Angel: "It'll be okay."
Cordy: "It won't! Angel, you didn't see these guys." Angel scribbles something on a piece of paper and hands it to Cordy.
Angel: "Here. I want you to go this address."
Cordy: "What is it?"
Angel: "Transuding furies."
Cordy: "Gesundheit."
Angel: "Three sisters. Lorne hires them monthly to cast the sanctorium spell on Caritas. Tell them to lift the spell, then I'll be able to fight back."
Cordy: "They lift the spell then you can fight - all twenty of them and still get killed. Great idea."
Angel: "Cordy, please, just do it."
Cordy: "What if they won't lift the spell?" Angel starts walking towards the door. Cordy follows after him.
Angel: "They'll lift the spell. Just tell them that it's for - me."
Cordy: "For you? You know them?"
Angel: "I did."
Cordy: "And they're gonna remember you?"
Angel: "They should."
Cordy: "They better! Angel - (He stops and looks back at her) I told her she was safe with me."
Angel sighs: "I know." Turns and walks out the door. Gio is up on stage at Caritas singing "Wind Beneath My Wings"
Gio: "Did you ever know that you're my - hero? (Laughs) You're everything I wish I could be. I could fly higher than..."
Wes quietly to Gunn: "We have to do something. Angel walks in here they'll kill him."
Gunn: "No. They won't. They're gonna make *me* do it."
Gio: "...you are the wind beneath my wings. Hey, Chuck! Did I ever tell you you're... (Feedback starts to wine from the speakers) Hey!" Gio shakes the mike, then throws it away, steps off the stage, turns and shoots the Karaoke machine, stopping the music. Wesley steps closer to Fred and she clings to the arms he wraps around her.
Gio: "Ah! - You know I'm starting to think this good vamp ain't never gonna show."
Lorne: "Miami." Gio turns around to look at the host, who is sitting on a chair by the back wall.
Gio: "Did you say something to me, green boy?"
Lorne: "Was three thousand miles really far enough, I wonder? I *know* why you left." Lorne stands up and two of the guys cocks their gun and points it at his chest but Gio lifts a hand to stop him from shooting Lorne.
Lorne: "Why you ran. - You couldn't stay there, could you? - After what you did. - She trusted you."
Gio, quietly: "Shut up."
Lorne: "Right up until the end she trusted you. Did you know that?" Gio hauls back and hits Lorne hard across the face. Lorne turns back to look at Gio, his mouth bloodied, but smiling. Gio backs up a step. Suddenly the ugly demon jumps up and runs for the door.
Guy: "Yo! That one's trying to run!" A couple guys jump on ugly demon and beat it back into place.
Gray demon: "Oh god, oh god. They'll kill us all."
Gio: "Now, I *told* you to *watch* the door!" Gunn spins and hits one of the guys, grabs his machine gun and aims it at Gio, while all of the gang (including Rondell) take aim at him.
Gio points at Gunn: "See that? You see that?! (Points at ugly demon) He's trying to save that lowlife! - You know what that kind of thing does? It's a baby killer is what that is. I've seen plenty of them in Florida." Walks up to ugly demon and smiles at it.
Gio: "You like to eat babies, don't you?"
Ugly: "Yeah, go ahead. I don't care. (Gio walks away from it, to be replaced by another of the gang aiming his machine gun at it) You think I care? Go ahead and do it. Cowards. Cowards." Gio walks back over towards Gunn: "So who does *he* go after? Who does he draw down on? The baby-killing monster? No, me, that's who. What does that tell you?"
Gunn: "Tells me there's a whole lot of monsters in this room to choose from."
Gio: "Yeah, maybe you one of them. (Takes a step closer to Gunn) You one of them, Chuck? Have they turned you already, huh? You one of 'em?"
Gunn: "Come at me and find out."
Gio: "Yeah, I think he's one of them. (To Gunn) Or - maybe you just wanna be. (Gunn glances at the others in the room) Yeah. That's more like it. I bet they won't even let you in their little club. Huh, Chuck? Damn. You ain't even good enough for the vamps, the demons and the baby-eatin' monsters. Huh. Yeah, that's what I'm guessing. Wine 'em and dine 'em, stick up for them "Oh, yeah. That one's okay" and they still won't put you on! Ain't that a blip?"
Gunn: "Shut up."
Gio smiling: "And all that what we heard about his sister might not be quite right. He was the only one there to see it. You know what I'm sayin'?"
Ugly continually talking in background: "I'll taste your children..."
Gio: "You're the one that let her get vamped in the first place, right Chuck?"
Ugly: "Listen to them scream. Tear of a piece. Have me a meal..."
Gio: "Because I know I wouldn't let no bloodsucker get that close to *my* sister. And why?"
Ugly: "I live in the playgrounds..."
Gio: "Where you thinking that finally she was gonna give it up to you? Was that the plan? And that's why you let her get bit."
Ugly: "Tear up their tiny, tiny bodies. Leave them for husks..."
Gio: "And then when she was there, all vamped out and hungry, you thought you might get that eternal kiss finally and when she said 'no' that's when you stuck it to her! That's what I'm thinkin'."
Gunn: "Shut up!"
Lorne: "No. Not in here. No. No."
Gio: "Is that why you start in here? Is that why you up in here, truckin' with vamps and demons, thinking you're gonna get your little piece of the action?!"
Gunn screaming: "I said shut (shoots the ugly demon going on about killing babies) up!" Ugly demon drops, Gio grins and Fred huddles closer against Wes' chest.
Lorne: "This is a sanctuary."
Gio: "Not anymore it ain't."
Angel: "Nice shot. (Looks at Gunn) Am I next?" Break Rondell puts down his gun, pulls out a stake and offers it to Gunn.
Rondell: "Prove to everyone here - this *thing* - ain't no friend to you." Gunn takes the stake never taking his eyes off Angel. Wes leaves Fred to stand in front of Gunn.
Wesley: "This is madness. Angel has a soul."
Gio: "He's a vampire."
Wesley: "With a soul!"
Gio: "Whatever. - You think that makes him the same as us?"
Wesley: "No. Better. (To Gio) Better than you, anyway. When he did his pleasure killing he had no soul. You can make no such claim."
Rondell to Gunn: "What's it gonna be?" Gunn looks down at the stake in his hand.
Angel: "Here, Charles - let me make it simple for you. (Takes a small step closer and morphs into his vampire face) Take a look. This is what I am. Deal with it or don't. But make a damn choice." Cordy is sitting on the couch with the three furies floating in the air across from her.
Cordy: "So, ah, Angel says you and he go -way back?"
Furies together: "Mmm, Angel."
Cordy: "Uh, yeah. So, uhm, about that sanctorium mojo you got on at Caritas. Any chance you can pull the plug on that like now - for instance? Kind of an emergency."
Furies speaking in turn: "You would have us lift what has been put in place by mutual consent and contract?"
Cordy: "If you don't, Angel will die."
Furies together: "Mmm, Angel." Gunn looks at Angel standing there in his vamp face. After a beat he drops the stake.
Gunn: "That's not gonna happen."
Gio: "I knew it!"
Gunn: "You don't know anything. You think I won't kill him because he's my friend? (Angel is back in human face) That ain't why. (Gunn steps closer to Angel) Truth is, he can never be my friend. It's on account of what he is. Not his fault, really. Just the way it worked out."
Rondell: "He ain't your friend. *I* am. And you gonna chose that over me?"
Gunn looks back at Rondell: "Looks like. It's about the mission, bro. He's got it. You don't."
Gio: "Oh - so - you think, just because you're letting that monster live you got the mission, huh? Well, as far as I can see, a monster lover ain't no better than a monster, and I kill monsters. That's what I do. - So - anybody wanna walk out of here tonight, they gonna have to show me. Come on! Step on up and do what your friend here wouldn't: kill the vampire - and you can leave this place. Otherwise - stay and burn with the rest of them. (Holds up his crossbow rig and looks at Fred the group of humans huddled together behind her.) Who wants to live." Fred slowly gets up from her chair, looks over at Angel.
Fred: "I'm sorry. I just - I don't wanna die." Gio offers her the crossbow with a big grin on his face.
Cordy: "Look, this is *really* urgent. I know Lorne pays you to cast this spell. What will it take for you to lift it."
Furies speaking in turns: "This is not a debt you can pay."
Cordy: "You don't know that. My credit has been *very* good this last year."
Furies: "Only Angel is equipped to make good on this debt."
Cordy: "Angel. (Rude noise) I don't know. For a guy, who's a couple of centuries old - not very big with the wise investing. (Looks at the smiles on the furies faces) And when you say 'equipped' that isn't what you mean, is it?"
Furies: "Mmm, Angel."
Cordy: "Got it. And 'eww!'" Fed takes the rig from Gio and puts it on her right arm.
Fred: "I'm sorry. - I just can't die in here." Lifts the crossbow to point at Angel.
Angel: "It's okay. I understand." Gio leans in close to Fred: "Alright, now you wanna get it in the heart or it's no good." Gio takes a step back to give Fred room. Fred looks at Angel takes a couple deep breaths, then spins around to aim the bow at Gio.
Fred: "Although I thought I might just shoot you in the throat instead. Now, if I pierce one of your carotid arteries, considering the temperature in here, 'cause I think somebody shot the thermostat, the blood loss is gonna be heavy. And there's a chance I'll puncture a vocal cord and you won't even be able to scream. Butt you'll want to when the blood loss to your brain results in a cerebral vascular event. - That's a stroke. I wasn't trying to sound snooty."
Angel: "Fred. Fred, it's okay. - Just - point it at me. At *me,* Fred."
Fed shaking her head: "I can't."
Angel inching closer to her: "Yes, you can. It's okay. Really." Fred looks back at Angel and Gio rips the bow from her hand and pushes her away. Wesley catches her. Gio points the bow at Angel when a flash of light lights up the bar. Angel looking up at the ceiling with a slight smile: "Thank you, ladies. I owe you one." Angel knocks the bow out of Gio's hand, then turns to disarm the guy standing next to him. Wes hands Fred over to Lorne and he and Gunn rush in to help Angel against the gang.
Gio: "Come on guys! Fight back! It's ten against three! This is pathetic! Hey, I'm done with you people. I don't even know why I came out to this coast! LA sucks. I'm going back to Florida, alright? You're lucky I don't have my old crew. (The head of the gray demon, sitting on a chair behind Gio, starts to split apart and it morphs into a huge, insect-like monster) I'd drag you out on the beach for a little sunshine and toast your..." The insect-like monster leans down and bites Gio's head off, leaning back to swallow it in one gulp. Rondell lifts his shotgun and unloads it into the big monsters chest. We hear something big drop to the ground, then there are some quick flash cuts to Wesley helping Fred into the back of a taxi out by the street. Gunn is talking to Rondell, standing a little ways down the street from the taxi, surrounded by his gang.
(This exchange between Gunn and Rondell wasn't really audible, but the CC had this)
Gunn: "I guess we just have to go our own separate ways, man."
Rondell: All right."
Gunn: "Be well."
Rondell and the gang leave and Gunn walks over to where Wes is waiting beside the Taxi.
Gunn: "Don't guess Rondell and his crew are gonna be crossing Venice boulevard again any time soon."
Wesley: "It's never easy - the pull of divided loyalties. - Whatever choice we do end up making we feel as though we've betrayed someone."
Gunn: "Yeah."
Wesley: "If you ever withhold information or attempt to subvert me again, I will fire you. - I can't have any one member of the team compromising the safety of the group, no matter who it is. If you do it again you will be dismissed, bag and baggage, out of a job onto the streets." Angel comes walking out of a door in the background and Wes turns away to get into the back of the taxi with Fred. Gunn watches the taxi take off, turns to see Angel standing there and walks over to him.
Gunn: "So, now you're gonna get on me about all those things I said to you in there."
Angel: "No."
Gunn: "You understand I had to stall. Just had to keep it going."
Angel: "Yeah. I get that."
Gunn: "Doesn't mean I *meant* any of it."
Angel: "No, you meant all of it, but that's okay."
Gunn: "I can't help the way I feel, man. That's just the way it is. - Doesn't mean I don't wanna work with you. Doesn't even mean that I don't like you. - Maybe some day, I don't know."
Angel: "I don't know either. - But I got time." Angel turns and starts to walk away.
Gunn: "Hey!" Angel stops and turns back around to look at him.
Gunn: "No matter what else, I think I proved that you can trust me when I could have killed you and I didn't."
Angel: "No. - You'll prove that I can trust you when day comes that you *have* to kill me - and you do." Gunn watches as Angel turns and walks off, then turns around and walks away himself. | Plan: A: LA; Q: Where are the demons being murdered? A: Wes; Q: Along with Angel, who investigates the killings? A: his old vampire hunting friends; Q: Who does Gunn suspect is behind the attacks? A: his old gang; Q: What is Gunn torn between and his job with Angel Inc? A: Angel Inc.; Q: What company does Gunn work for? A: danger; Q: When the gang attacks Caritas, everyone is in what? Summary: Someone is murdering all the demons in LA, even the harmless ones. While Angel and Wes investigate the killings, Gunn begins to suspect that his old vampire hunting friends are behind the attacks. He feels torn between his old gang and his job with Angel Inc. But when the gang attacks Caritas, everyone is in danger. |
Face au destin
(2x06 : As Fate Would Have It)
Written by CRAIG SWEENEY Directed by NICK GOMEZ
**Previously on The 4400** Inside Maia's diary are written the words 'Things I see'.
Diana: You know those visions that Maia used to have? Turns out she was only pretending that they stopped.
Tom: How long have you known?
Diana: Not long. I only found out because I read. Liv and Shawn under the bridge.
Liv: You're one of those 4400 guys, right? Collier's office.
Collier: One day, all of this will be yours.
Shawn: But you're not going anywhere.
Collier: Whatever you do Shawn, don't reveal your healing ability, because if you heal one of them, you'll have to heal them all. Shawn heals Dewie . On campus
Wendy: If you're losing chunks of time you should talk to your Dad about it.
Kyle: What's he gonna do? Turn me over to NTAC medical? Lily first turns up on her doorstep. Heidi answers the door.
Heidi: Can I help you?
Lily: Heidi, it's Mommy.
Heidi: Who?
Brian: That's ok sweetheart, I got it. Lily and Brian have dinner.
Lily: She's my daughter.
Brian: She doesn't know that. She thinks that Carole is her mother. Richard is sitting in a cell and Lily phones Brian.
Lily: I need your help. Richard. He's been arrested.
Brian: OK, I'll make a few calls and do whatever I can. Collier turns up in Richards cell.
Collier: Hello Richard. They talk.
Collier: I want you to come home. If I'm wrong, Isabelle will punish me accordingly. Flashbacks to the men pursuing Richard and Lily in the woods and killing themselves.
Collier: If Isabelle accepts me, well then I can offer you and Lily and the child a new life. Let her judge me. Collier meets with Isabelle. **Present time** The 4400 Center Banners are being erected on a stage saying 'Welcome 4400. Reunion Weekend 2005' In the background Collier can be heard singing gently.
Collier: Hush a bye Go to sleep little baby. When you wake I'll give you cake and all the pretty little horses. Collier is kneeling in front of Isabelle's pram.
Collier: And go to sleep little baby. And who's a special girl? Is Isabelle a special baby, is she? Come here. Richard and Lily watch from inside.
Lily: Look at him with Isabelle.
Richard: If this keeps up, we're gonna have to start calling him Uncle Jordan.
Lily: There's something so wrong about that, isn't there? A week ago, he was the one guy we were trying to keep away from her and now it's like....
Richard: They've bonded. She's really taken to him. Shawn comes into the room laughing.
Shawn: The couple of the hour! Hi! Richard, what's up man? They hug.
Shawn: It's good to see you.
Richard: Nice to see you. He looks at Lily and whistles.
Shawn: Look at you!
Lily: Ah!
Shawn: You look great! They all take a seat.
Shawn: So how long you guys think you're gonna be staying?
Richard: We're not sure. Collier said we can stay at the center until we get back on our feet.
Shawn: Did he get you squared away with NTAC?
Richard: He's started to. His lawyers took our statements. I guess we're looking at back fines for not reporting in.
Shawn: Well hey, I'm sure Jordan will take care of it.
Lily: He offered to, but I think we're gonna try and swing it ourselves.
Shawn: Well hey, you picked the right week to come.
Richard: This reunion thing's gonna be big, huh?
Shawn: We've got 4400's coming in from 27 different countries. Three more maybe's. There haven't been this many of us in the same place since quarantine.
Lily: What's happened since we left town. I mean, suddenly it seems that everyone's dying to meet a real life 4400.
Shawn: Uh well, what happened? Jordan happened. They look out at him and see him holding the baby.
Collier: Welcome to the revolution little lady. Huh? Yeah. Maia runs out of her bedroom screaming.
Maia: Aagghh! He's gonna die. I saw it! He's gonna die! Diana and April run out. Diana throws her arms around her. Maia is sobbing.
Diana: Sweetheart. Are you ok? Did you have a nightmare?
Maia: No! I was awake, and I saw it!
Diana: Tell us what you saw.
Maia: That man we watched on TV once.
April: What man? She points to Colliers book.
Maia: Him.
Diana: Jordan Collier?
Maia: Someone's gonna kill him! She puts her arms around Diana, sobbing. Titles Diana reports to Nina Jarvis. Nina:As far as this department knew, Maia wasn't having visions anymore. Right?
Diana: Well she was keeping them secret from me and writing everything down in a diary. But I'm not here to talk about my daughter. We're here to talk about Collier.
Marco: We can talk about him all you want, but if I was Collier I'd be bringing all my books back to the library, if you know what I mean. The kid's never wrong, right?
Diana: Look, as far as I can tell, Maia has two kinds of visions. If she can see an event clearly enough in her head, she can sometimes influence the course of the future. But mostly her visions are abstract. They're more like....certainties. Prophecies I guess you could call them. Now this is one of those, and as far as I can tell, they're never wrong.
Tom: Well not yet, anyway. But nobody's made a concerted effort to stop one of them from happening.
Diana: So we could always offer Collier a suite in the basement, 24 hours surveillance and a food taster.
Nina: Yeah sure. We just tell the guy he needs to stay isolated for what, a week? A year?
Marco: When it comes to the prevention of future crime, there are no time limits and everyone's a suspect. I mean, literally everyone.
Nina: So how to stop the inevitable from happening.
Tom: Stopping the inevitable? Isn't that what we deal with everyday? I mean, that's why the 4400 were sent back, right?
Marco: I like the can do attitude but, I have to ask, do we even want to save Colllier. Diana laughs.
Marco: Well he is kind of a bad guy.
Nina: Maybe that's the way the future wants it.
Tom: Nice. They gave us this message as a way to stop Collier's death. Tom and Diana go to see Collier at the center.
Collier: Fascinating. What an extraordinary gift.
Tom: You are clear in what we're telling you?
Collier: Your daughter has quite a track record when it comes to seeing the future. Her latest vision involves my death. I leave anything out?
Diana: No, that about covers it.
Tom: NTAC is offering you all it's resources. That means round the clock protection, threat assessment....
Collier: And I'm mean't of course, to isolate myself.
Diana: Well, that would be the safest move.
Collier: Let's say I'm willing to assume good faith on your part, which given your exploitation, of the 4400 to get to me, is rather generous.
Diana: What, you actually think we made this up?
Collier: I'm not sure you're that creative, but your plan does call for my total withdrawal from the public eye. And cancellation of the celebration of the public interest in the 4400, that's been months in the planning.
Tom: Our history with each other is what it is, but this is real and denial is not a luxury you can afford.
Collier: Thankyou for the information, I'll keep it in mind. Tom and Diana stand up.
Diana: Maia is never wrong.
Collier: Whatever protection you can afford me, I can afford myself. Pick up some of the reunion literature on your way out. The foreign returnee stories are particularly inspirational. They leave Brian is standing in a store selling fruit and vegetables. Lily walks up to him.
Lily: Still come here every thursday huh? Thought I might get lucky.
Brian: Lily, what are you doing here?
Lily: I'm back....in Seattle. I just wanted to thank you for helping Richard.
Brian: Just a couple of phone calls. No big deal.
Lily: We were in a bad spot. You did what you could. It really mean't a lot. Lily is holding a gift bag.
Brian: Well you really didn't have to get me....
Lily: It's actually for Heidi. Her birthday's coming up.
Brian: Oh, Lily.
Lily: It's just a cool little handbag. You don't have to tell her it's from me. He takes the bag.
Lily: I don't wanna mess with your life, Brian. I'm just trying to say thankyou.
Brian: Ok. You're looking well though. I'm glad things are working out. Shawn is walking through the center with Lucy.
Shawn: I can't talk to first keys today. There's too much going on with this party.
Lucy: Look, class starts in ten minutes.
Shawn: I can't do it, Lucy. You're just gonna have to tell them to think of it as a study hall. Liv and Wayne enter the foyer. Wayne appears to be ill and is coughing. Shawn hands over some letters to the man on the desk.
Shawn: Um, this is outgoing. Thank you. He walks over to them.
Shawn: Ah, Liv!
Liv: They were too embarrassed to come inside.
Shawn: I can't. I can't!
Liv: I saw what you can do.
Wayne: We all did!
Liv: You can heal people.
Shawn: Listen, it's not that simple. I can't heal everyone!
Liv: I'm not asking you to heal everyone. Just them.
Shawn: You don't understand. It's like it drains me. I could do it for maybe one, maybe.
Wayne: One is better than none!
Shawn: Who chooses that one, Wayne? You? Me? I can't heal the world. I'm sorry.
Wayne: What I tell you? Waste of time. Liv remains looking at Shawn.
Shawn: Don't look at me like that. They run out . Kyle and Danny are on campus. Kyle is reading some posters while Danny clicks his fingers in front of his face.
Danny: Kyle. Hey, you with us buddy?
Kyle: What?
Danny: Thought you were uh, elsewhere.
Kyle: No, I'm right here with you. I was just thinking....Relax, I haven't had one of those blackouts in a couple of day's. I think that's all done.
Danny: Yeah, I do too. I still think you should tell your Dad about it and get yourself checked out.
Kyle: You wanna go with me to see the Kills? He's looking at a poster that say's: Performing at the campus pub. 8pm The Kills.
Danny: Ok, so we're ignoring the whole blackout thing or...
Kyle: Pretty much. They go on at eight. You should come.
NTAC
Tom and Diana are in their office.
Tom: TSA is putting a flag on Ian Dravitt and his known associates. They're gonna call us if anyone show's up in Seattle.
Diana: This whole Dravitt thing is just Collier's latest deal gone south.
Tom: Collier had his name on the side of a skyscraper by the time he was 30. You pursue power that ruthlessly, you pick up some enemies along the way.
Diana: So we find the one who seem's most like John Hinkley or surhan surhan.
Tom: And then do what? Follow him around for the rest of his natural life? We could spend the next year looking at Collier's moves since he founded the center. The guy had a whole career before he got abducted.
Diana: Well maybe it is coming from someone who Collier's never met. I mean, if you hate The 4400, killing their figurehead is a good way to make them suffer. But, what are we supposed to do? The potential victim's refused our help. No-one said stopping the future was going to be easy.
Tom: Diana, look at this. She get's up to take a look at his monitor. A mans photo appears along with some information. 'My name is Miles Quinlan. I was kicked out of the 4400 center after Jordan Collier bankrupted me by selling me lies and false promises. This blog is dedicated to exposing Jordan Collier as the liar and cheat that he most certainly is.'
Tom: His name is Miles Quinlan. He claims Collier bankrupted him, then kicked him out of the center
Diana: He lives with his parents. What? Nursing a persecution complex?
Tom: Pretty much the poster boy for the lone gunman theory. April is watching Maia.
April: Come on Maia, I've named every guy I've dated for like, the last five years. Are you telling me that I don't have a future with any of them?
Maia: I wouldn't worry about it. Seem's like you meet a lot of boys.
April: Yeah well, that's the trouble. I'm tired of meeting boys. I wanna meet a man.
Maia: You will.
April: When??
Maia: Aunt April. Just because I don't see it, doesn't mean it's not gonna happen. There's a knock at the door.
April: Oh, that's probably Mrs Bradshaw from upstairs. She's gonna watch you tonight while I go to work. Maia opens the door to find Collier standing outside. She drops her glass, which smashes on the floor.
Maia: I'm sorry. It's not my fault.
Collier: You recognise me. She turns and runs.
April: You're Jordan Collier.
Collier: I didn't mean to frighten her. I just wanted to talk to her for a minute.
April: Yeah well, it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.
Collier: She believes I'm going to die. Please give her my apologies. I brought this for her. I hope she doesn't already have one. He hands her a Sony PSP.
April: Thanks. He leaves. Lily walks to the center's foyer and approaches the man at the desk.
Lily: Hi, I'm Lily Tyler. I believe someone's asking for me? Heidi is sitting on a chair. She stands.
Heidi: Excuse me.
Lily: Heidi.
Heidi: Are you my Mother? They sit
Heidi: I heard them fighting about you. My Mom and Dad? Carol. It's ok if I still call her Mom, right?
Lily: I know, it's confusing, baby.
Heidi: Just because they're talking in the other room, doesn't mean I can't hear them. They said you were one of the 4400. Lily nods
Lily: That's why I was gone. That's why we don't know each other.
Heidi: Didn't you come to our house once?
Lily: It's the first thing I did when I got back. I wanted to see you. But your Dad and I, we weren't sure it was a good idea. Sweetie, does your Father know you came down here?
Heidi: No. I didn't tell him I heard. I didn't go to school today. I came here instead.
Lily: I'm glad you did.
Heidi: Is it hard for you not to see me?
Lily: It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I think about you every single day. She get's out her purse and shows a photo of Heidi inside.
Lily: Look at this.
Heidi: Is that me?
Lily: It's the day we brought you back from the hospital.
Heidi: You look the same as you do now.
Lily: I was gone so long, but to me, this feels like yesterday. Lily hugs her. Diana and Tom go to Quinlan's house.
Quinlan: You wanna talk about Collier? He uses people up and leaves them on the kerb.
Tom: Is that why you left the center?
Quinlan: I didn't leave, they threw me out. That's what happens when you run out of money. They have all these different levels. They call them keys, right? You make seventh key, you're unlocked.
Tom: Unlocked? Meaning you've got your own 4400 ability?
Quinlan: Well that's the big prize. Only they set it up so that no-one ever get's there. There's mid levels and side seminars you have to pass. If you're not one of the 4400, each one costs. First I ate up my savings, then I cashed out the equity in my house.
Tom: And they didn't deliver.
Quinlan: As soon as the first cheque bounced, they told me I'd reached maximum potential and sent me on my way.
Tom: Is that why you applied for a handgun permit? We ran a BCAP check on you this morning.
Quinlan: So I bought a gun, so what? I need to protect myself from Collier.
Tom: Yeah well, I hope that self defence is all you have in mind. Because if you're planning anything else, we will be all over you the minute you approach the 4400 center. You want something to be paranoid about? Think about that. Shawn and Collier talk in his office.
Collier: You're simplifying the issue. Cancelling the gala is no guarantee of my safety.
Shawn: It's a start. Jordan, you just told me there's a little girl out there who can see the future and she saw you dead. It's time to make yourself scarce.
Collier: And where does it stop? I stay away from the center? I cut myself off from our work?
Shawn: Yeah, if it means staying alive, yeah!
Collier: I am not going to become a hermit! That is not a win for us! Look, the center is significantly safer than it seems. Half the people you see in workmate's uniforms are bodyguards.
Shawn: Are you looking to die in public?
Collier: You're developing a real flare for drama, you know that? This is hanging over my head, not yours!
Shawn: I'm sorry Jordan, I'm just....
Collier: I am not ready to become a martyr.
Shawn: You don't have to be! I know you've been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. Bringing all the 4400 together is like a validation of everything you've done so far. But if something happens to you? It could undo everything we've started. The movements not ready for you to be a martyr either.
Collier: Just go. Go. Richard is sitting by Isabelle in their room. Lily walks in.
Richard: Where did you go, I was about to page you. Heidi is beside her.
Lily: Richard, there's someone who I want to introduce to you. This is my daughter, Heidi. She came to the center to meet me. We've been talking. He walks over and shakes her hand.
Richard: Well, it's very nice to meet you. I'm Richard Tyler. I'm married to Lily. Your mother. He laughs.
Heidi: She told me. It's nice to meet you too. Is that....
Lily: Isabelle. This is your half sister. As Lily moves closer to her, Isabelle begins to cry.
Heidi: Don't be scared.
Lily: I'm sorry. She must be hungry.
Heidi: It's ok. I should probably get home anyway.
Lily: I hope I can see you again.
Heidi: I hope so too. maybe next time I can hold Isabelle.
Lily: I know I can make that happen. I'll walk you out. No more cutting school, ok? They leave the room. Isabelle is upset.
Richard: What's the matter? Collier storms out. Diana arrives home from work. April is cooking dinner.
April: All I'm saying is that he was taller than I pictured him.
Diana: Tall or short. Collier had no business showing up here!
April: I totally agree. Di, I didn't let him in!
Maia: Aunt April likes tall boys.
Diana: Ah. So, you're talking about men to my daughter? She's a child!
April: It might have come up in passing.
Maia: Hey Mom, how come you never go out on dates?
Diana: Well, I wouldn't say never.
Maia: But Aunt April goes out all the time.
Diana: Well I think your Aunt's an extreme example.
Maia: How do I know which one is right? Not many or lots?
Diana: I think that you should probably shoot for somewhere in the middle.
Maia: I'll try. But do dates always have to be with boys? So gross. April and Diana laugh.
April: You get used to them.
Diana: Can we have this conversation like, in two or three, maybe ten, years? A letter is lying on the table.
Diana: What's that?
Maia: Oh, a lady dropped it off today.
Diana: Oh. She opens it.
Diana: It's a suppoeana.
Maia: What's that?
Diana: Oh, it's when someone wants you to give them something.
April: Who's it from?
Diana: It's from my bosses.
Maia: What do they want?
Diana: Your diary. Later at the campus pub. Kyle is in a corridor leaning his head against the wall. He seems unwell.
Danny: Kyle! You ok man? You didn't have a drink did you? Kyle is having flashbacks of something, but its fleeting.
Kyle: Just diet coke. It's really loud in here, huh?
Danny: Yeah, but they're great, huh? You wanna go back in? Alright, come on. My buddy's saving us a spot by the stage. Danny leaves and Kyle has more flashbacks of himself. He wakes up up on the floor and get's to his feet. As things clear it appears he's in the hallway outside Wendy's apartment.
Wendy: Do you know what time it is? What are you doing here? Kyle! Do you know what time it is? What are you doing outside my apartment?
Kyle: I don't know. I was at the pub.
Wendy: You're scaring me. How long have you been out here?
Kyle: I don't know. I think I was digging or something.
Wendy: Look Kyle, I think you should go. We can talk about this tomorrow.
Kyle: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. This won't happen again. He stumbles out. That night, Liv tries to get into the center. Guards grab her. Shawn comes down the stairs.
Liv: Let me in! Let me in! Get your hands off of me! You don't understand. He's a fraud! All of you, do you hear me? Your golden boy is a big fraud!! She's screaming and crying.
Shawn: Liv, you need to calm down. It's ok guys, I got it.
Liv: My whole life I have been looking for just one thing. Just one thing to believe in. I thought it was you. She runs at him and begins to hit him, collapsing sobbing on the floor.
Shawn: How long ago did you get high?
Liv: I only had one.
Shawn: Are you going to stop yelling at me?
Liv: I am done with you, altogether! Go back to your penthouse! Pretend we don't exist! Everyone else does. Why not you?
Shawn: Easy. I'm not going to send you off into the night like this. You can sleep on my couch. I got you. It's ok. It's ok He helps her up and they head to his room . Lily and Richard are outside watching Collier spend some time with Isabelle.
Collier: You started all this, you know. Everything around you took shape after you showed me where to go. Yeah. I don't know what to do though. I could count the number of times I've said that in my life, on one hand. But right now it's true. That's right. If you knew anything, now would be a good time to tell Uncle Jordan, huh? She grabs his hands and he's given a vision. He see's himself at the gala, walking through a crowd of people who are all happy to see him. He then see's many of the people at the centre receiving the seventh key. A portrait of him is unveiled. Back to the present.
Collier: Oh. Thankyou. Thankyou. He walks over to Lily, Richard and Shawn
Collier: The reunion goes forward. Shawn shakes his head and Collier walks away. Later, someone is in a darkened room. Only their hands are shown, which are gloved. They are assembling a gun. Tom enters his office. Diana is already there.
Tom: Diana! One of Dravitt's hired guns flew into town last night. His name is Laurence Ganning. TSA have his alias flagged.
Diana: Well do we have a present whereabouts?
Tom: Just checked into a motel on First Hill under the name Laurence Gawain. They burst into the motel room.
Agent: It's clear!
Diana: Tom Diana has found a passport. Tom opens it. Date of birth 15th November 1967. Age 38. Address 320 Rue Saint Jacques, Paris.
Tom: He's on the move
[SCENE_BREAK]
Boxes are being taken into the center. Gawain is one of the men. Kyle runs up to Wendy on campus.
Kyle: Wendy wait! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
Wendy: You were waiting in the hallway outside my apartment last night. Do you know how weird that is?
Kyle: I don't know how I got there! Please believe me. I had another blackout last night.
Wendy: Look Kyle, this is getting bad and I can't give you the kind of help that you need.
Kyle: So you want me to just go away? He starts backing away from her and she moves towards him.
Wendy: No I want you to talk to someone. Someone qualified. I'm scared for you.
Kyle: Scared for me or scared of me? He runs away. Collier is practising his opening speech on stage. Gawain is watching from backstage. He say's a few words that are unrecognisable due to mic feedback
Collier: You know what? I'm getting some nasty echo. Can we adjust the levels to the speakers at the back there? Testing, testing. You know what? That's lovely. NTAC agents including Tom and Diana arrive outside the center. Collier begins to walk offstage as Gawain watches. He points the gun...
Diana: Nobody move! Everyone, stay right where you are! Tom rushes backstage and see's Gawain.
Tom: Don't move! Don't move!! Get your hands on your head! Get them up! Turn around! Turn around!! Get down! Down! Gawain get's to his knees.
Tom: Down! Tom pushes him on his front. Collier stands and watches. Later Tom briefs Collier.
Tom: Gawain's pistol was made from synthetic polymer's. The bullet's too. He walked right through your metal detector's without so much as a peep.
Collier: You were bound to get him. He never would have killed me.
Tom: He was standing two feet away from you with a loaded firearm.
Collier: The whole thing was put in motion by Maia. Your daughter's vision was a gift to me. A prescription, if you will, to changing the future. In one chain of events, Ganning's bullet killed me. I can only assume that somebody has a different plan for me.
Diana: Well I wouldn't be putting my feet up by the fire just yet.
Collier: I have no intention of cancelling the extra security measures.
Tom: The same extra measures that just allowed an assassin to walk right up to you.
Collier: Would NTAC like a presence at the gate tomorrow?
Diana: Yes!
Tom: Mr Collier, we don't stand off to the side and watch, we take command.
Collier: I'll issue credentials. That was a rather dramatic demonstration of competence just now. Shawn is in his room taking off his jacket. Liv is lying on the couch.
Liv: What time is it?
Shawn: It's about 2 '0'clock.
Liv: How did I end up here, anyway?
Shawn: Liv, you were pretty far gone last night, but are you really trying to tell me that you don't remember?
Liv: I remember. You don't have to hover over me. I'm not gonna steal anything. Your maid can come and clean the couch as soon as I'm gone. He sit's opposite her.
Shawn: How many of these nights do you think you have left in you?
Liv: Hopefully not too many. You've seen my life. When I OD, it's not gonna be a big loss, right?
Shawn: That is not true.
Liv: How's it gonna change?
Shawn: I used to feel the same way. I mean't what I told you. I can't save the whole world and I can't even save your friends. I'm sorry, but if you're serious about wanting to change, maybe I can save you.
Liv: How?
Shawn: By giving you the same thing that saved me. He shows her a 4400 key. The day of the gala arrives and crowds of people are in the center. Collier appears and the photographers go crazy as do the crowd. Tom is mingling. The crowd is shouting out to Jordan. 'Jordan!' 'Oh, thankyou'
Tom [Into earpiece]: He's here. Shawn walks up to Lily and Richard. He brushes past a woman
Shawn: Excuse me. He touches Isabelle's hand.
Shawn: Hello there Here we go. Collier is being greeted by everyone
Woman: Nice to meet you.
Collier: It's good to see you. Collier has a beaming smile on his face. Diana brushes past some people
Diana: Excuse me sir. She walks up to Tom.
Diana: All the guests check out so far.
Tom: Yeah, we've secured the surrounding rooftop. Did a bomb sweep.
Diana: Now it's cross your fingers time.
Tom: Yeah. Collier touches Isabelle's hand. Lily is looking uncomfortable . Shawn picks up the mic and speaks to everyone.
Shawn: Good afternoon. Thankyou for coming to the center. We have a great day planned for you, but before we get started, I'd like to thank the man who made this all possible. I mean that literally. He didn't just pay for the food. He built this place and this movement. So I'd like you to please welcome, a mentor, a friend, Mr Jordan Collier. They hug and Shawn hands Collier the mic and walks over to Lily and Richard. Lily looks sullen as he approaches them.
Collier: Thankyou! And thankyou Shawn for that introduction. Quinlan appears in the crowd.
Collier: Um, we are humbled by the bravery of our foreign guests. Many of whom risked so much to be here today. Tom see's Quinlan and makes his way over to him. Tom and Diana grab him.
Tom: Let's go.
Quinlan: I want to hear what the man has to say for himself! As they begin to pull him out, someone else is using a scope to target Collier. Shot's ring out and people begin screaming. Collier is shot through the right hand side of his chest and Shawn looks on in horror. Tom see's the sniper on the roof opposite.
Shawn: Jordan?
Tom: He's up there!!
Diana: Go! Tom begins running.
Diana: Everybody stay down!
Male: Stay away from the window!
Diana: Everyone just calm down! Just stay down! Stay down! Stay down. She begins running. Isabelle is crying as Lily hugs her tightly. Shawn get's to the stage and is grabbed by guards.
Shawn: Let me go! Let me go! Jordan. Oh God!
Medic: Get that stretcher ready. They push him back.
Medic: Please let us do our job guys.
Shawn: Noooo! Collier isn't breathing. Tom makes his way outside as pedestrians run out of the way. He see's the man who's dressed in black. The man runs off.
Tom: Hey! Back with Shawn and Collier.
Shawn: Please let me go. Please. He get's to Collier and begins to try and heal him. Jordan arches up and takes a deep breath.
Medic: Pulse is weak and thready.
Medic: Pressure! Come on, let's go. Hurry up! Tom chases after the gunman who get's onto the roof.
Tom: Freeze! Tom can't get up to the roof and shouts out in frustration.
Tom: Aagghh! The medics battle to save Collier.
Medic: Breathing's stopped, we're losing him again. Come on.
Shawn: No! You're not going anywhere's yet. He shouts out as he tries once more to heal him. Collier takes another deep breath and looks at him.
Collier: Shawn. Shawn. She told me to go through with it.
Shawn: Who did? Who did?
Collier: She lies, Shawn. Collier stops breathing.
Shawn: No don't go anywhere. Don't! No!! Nooo!! Lily carries Isabelle to meet with Brian who is sat drinking coffee.
Brian: Lily.
Lily: Brian, I don't have much time. I did not violate our agreement. Heidi found me.
Brian: Lily, Heidi's sick. She's in the hospital. It happened yesterday. Something with her spleen. They had to operate right away.
Lily: Is she ok? Can I see her?
Brian: She's ok. She's still recovering from the anesthesia. She's been asking for you. She's still in recovery now but Carole thinks it's alright if you wanna go in there tomorrow.
Lily: Brian, what happened. Her spleen? She's twelve years old.
Brian: It just ruptured. Her doctors said they've never seen anything like it. Even they can't tell us why. Lily looks down at Isabelle. Later, back at the center.
Richard: Where've you been? The funerals about to start. Lily what's wrong, what is it?
Lily: Heidi's sick and I think Isabelle's responsible. Shawn is standing alone beside Colliers open casket. Lucy walks in behind him.
Lucy: I think they're ready for you. A large amount of people are sat in front of the stage as Shawn walks out.
Shawn: You are uh, going to read a lot about Jordan Collier in the next few weeks. Uh, some of it good, a lot of it bad. I will be ignoring all of it, just like Jordan would have. Tom and Diana are sat watching.
Shawn: Because Jordan may have used the media, but he never allowed himself to be seduced by it. I could tell you how much I owe the man. He took me in when I was feeling lost and alone, confused. I'm sure many of you have similar stories. The fact is that everyone alive today, whether they know it or not, owes Jordan Collier. He had a vision to save the future and he gave us that vision and now he won't be here to see us achieve it. But we will achieve it! Shawn is crying.
Shawn: I promise you, we will achieve it. We have all suffered a tremendous loss. We are heartbroken and bleeding on the inside, but we will not let that stop us and I will not let that stop me. We will honour Jordan Collier and we will create the better future, that he died building. People shake Shawn's hand as they leave. Tom looks on.
Shawn: Thanks for coming. Bye Tom approaches him.
Tom: Nice words Shawn. I think Collier would have approved.
Shawn: Yeah, I hope so. He would have liked that you came.
Tom: Oh, I don't think that I was that high on his radar.
Shawn: Don't be too sure. You guys bumped heads but you believed the same thing. That the 4400 are the key to the future. Your goals were identical.
Tom: But our methods were different.
Shawn: Not as different as you think.
Tom: You see, that's where your view of Jordan Collier splits from mine.
Shawn: Well, at least we have some common ground. Maybe your side and my side could work together, now that I'm assuming new duties around here. Shawn has tears in his eyes.
Tom: Becoming quite the little politician, Shawn. Now I know Collier would have been proud of you. Someone screams and Lucy runs out of the room housing Collier's casket.
Lucy: He's gone! His body, it's not there! Tom runs into the room and Shawn follows him.
Lucy: Someone stole the body.
Tom: There's only one way out. I was standing right in front of it. Stole it how?
Lucy: Then what happened? Isabelle is sleeping and Lily looks down at her. Meanwhile Diana is at home with Maia on her lap, looking at the court documents. She rips them up. The Seattle Advance newspaper has a picture of Shawn trying to heal Collier on it's front page with the heading, 'Jordan Collier Murdered. Who is The 4400 Healer?' Liv is nicely dressed and walks past some guards towards Shawns office. She wears a 4400 key around her neck. She stops just before the door and looks in, smiling. Shawn is at his desk surrounded by others. She waves as he looks up, but he looks back down and the doors are closed. Tom is looking through Colliers file. The sniper is placing the gun back in the bag and throwing it in the lake. It's Kyle. He walks away. | Plan: A: The hunt; Q: What is on for a shadowy killer after Maia has a vision of Jordan Collier's impending demise? A: Kyle's frightening blackouts; Q: What is Tom's personal life disrupted by? A: Lily; Q: Whose daughter Heidi irritates Isabelle? A: little Isabelle; Q: Who is annoyed by Lily's reunion with her daughter Heidi? A: Shawn; Q: Who offers sanctuary to a street urchin? A: NTAC; Q: Who demands that Diana hand over Maia's diary? Summary: The hunt is on for a shadowy killer after Maia has a vision of Jordan Collier's impending demise; Tom's personal life is disrupted by Kyle's frightening blackouts; Lily's reunion with her daughter Heidi irritates little Isabelle; Shawn offers sanctuary to a street urchin; and NTAC demands that Diana hand over Maia's diary. |
Scene: The cafeteria.
Howard: So, I got the craziest e-mail this morning.
Raj: I don't mean to burst your bubble, dude, but those penile enlargement pills do not work.
Howard: Believe me, I know. The e-mail I got was from the office of Stephen Hawking.
Leonard: You're kidding.
Raj: Why?
Howard: He's coming to the university for a couple weeks to lecture, and he's looking for an engineer to help maintain the equipment on his wheelchair.
Leonard: That's amazing. You'll be like his pit crew. A word of caution, I would not do your Stephen Hawking impression in front of him.
Howard (in Stephen Hawking voice): You're right. I suppose that could be considered offensive.
Raj: Oh, boy, Sheldon's going to freak out.
Leonard: Yeah, he worships Hawking.
Howard: I was actually thinking about bringing him along when I go over there so he can meet the great man.
Raj: That's really nice of you, Howard.
Howard: Hm, it's no big deal.
Leonard: Boy, a restraining order from Stephen Hawking. It'll look so nice next to the ones he's already got from Leonard Nimoy, Carl Sagan and Stan Lee.
Sheldon: Leonard, do you recall when I said that I was going to revolutionize humanity's understanding of the Higgs boson particle, and you said, Sheldon, it's two a.m., get out of my bedroom?
Leonard: Like it was ten hours ago. What about it?
Sheldon: Well, I believe I've done it. And I'm only saying believe to sound modest, because, sweet Sam Houston, I did it.
Leonard: Really?
Raj: That's incredible. Oh, here, break out the math.
Sheldon: Oh, okay, let me see this. All right, so this particle here is the boson moving forward in time. Now, I was thinking... Howard, you go ahead and eat. This isn't going to make any sense to you.
Howard: Sheldon, I have a working understanding of physics.
Sheldon: Yeah, good for you, and don't stop working on it.
Raj: Are you still going to tell him about you-know-who?
Howard: Yep.
Leonard: Still going to introduce him?
Howard: Not on your life. Credits sequence.
Scene: A corridor.
Sheldon: Please, please, please let me meet Hawking.
Howard: I told you, no.
Sheldon: But I said I'm sorry.
Howard: No, you said, would it help if I said I'm sorry?
Sheldon: And you never answered me. So who owes whom an apology now?
Howard: Sheldon, you're a condescending jerk. Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
Sheldon: Um, to go to Jewish heaven?
Howard: Jews don't have heaven.
Sheldon: Then to avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.
Sheldon: Howard, please. This is Stephen Hawking. Perhaps my only intellectual equal.
Howard: Oh, you can't be serious.
Sheldon: Try to put yourself in my place. Imagine you're the sole human being living on a planet populated with nothing but dogs. And then it turns out there's another human being.
Howard: Hang on. Are you saying the rest of us are dogs?
Sheldon: Yeah, okay, I can see you're going to take this the wrong way. Let me try again. Imagine you're the sole human being living on a planet populated with nothing but chimps.
Howard: Get out of my lab.
Sheldon: Oh, now they're so much smarter than dogs. Have you seen them on those little bicycles?
Howard: Get out.
Sheldon: How about dolphins?
Howard: Out!
Scene: The apartment.
Leonard: So, come on, how was the first day with Hawking?
Howard: It was great. We talked about movies.
Sheldon: Oh!
Howard: I showed him some card tricks.
Sheldon: Oh!
Howard: He even let me read a couple pages from his new book.
Sheldon: Oh!
Howard: Something got you down there, bunky?
Sheldon: Howard, please, I'm begging you.
Leonard: Raj, you're our group historian. Has Sheldon ever begged before?
Raj: Three times. He begged the Fox network not to cancel Firefly. He begged the TNT network to cancel Babylon 5. And when he got food poisoning at the Rose Bowl Parade, he begged a deity he doesn't believe in to end his life quickly.
Sheldon: Do you understand how important Hawking is to me? When I was six years old, I dressed up as him for Halloween.
Howard: You're kidding.
Sheldon: No, sir, no, I took my dad's desk chair, attached a Speak & Spell to it and made my sister push me up and down the block to trick or treat. Granted most people thought I was R2-D2, but still, I got a lot of candy.
Howard: You don't seem to be understanding the English word no. Maybe a different language will help. Russian, nyet. Chinese, bu. Japanese, iie. Klingon, qo. Binary coded Ascii, 0110111001101111.
Sheldon: It's actually 01100111.
Howard: No!
Sheldon: I'm not asking for me, I'm asking for Hawking.
Howard: Let me try gansta, hells no.
Sheldon: Okay, look, how about this? Just give him my paper on the Higgs boson. If he sees the incredible breakthrough I've made, he'll reach out to me.
Leonard: What if he doesn't?
Sheldon: He will, he's really smart.
Howard: That's an interesting idea. Why don't you give me a minute to talk it over with my friends?
Sheldon: How do I do that?
Howard: You walk away.
Sheldon: Walking away.
Leonard: You do realize you own his ass right now.
Howard: I do.
Raj: You can make him do anything you want.
Howard: Yeah, I know, I'm just trying to figure out how much I want to punish him.
Raj: Well, don't be too mean.
Sheldon: Hey, fellas, I'm thinking about making some freshly brewed iced tea if anyone would like some.
Raj: I wouldn't mind a glass.
Sheldon: I wasn't talking to you.
Raj: Bring him to his bony knees.
Howard: Sheldon, come on back.
Sheldon: Yes, yes. What did you decide?
Howard: I'll give your paper to Professor Hawking.
Sheldon: Great, thank you. Oh, that's terrific.
Howard: But in exchange, I'd like you to do a few things for me.
Sheldon: What kinds of things?
Howard: Are you familiar with the 12 labours of Hercules?
Sheldon: Of course.
Howard: You should be so lucky.
Scene: Howard's bedroom.
Sheldon: All right. What would you like me to do first?
Howard: Well, I thought I'd start you off by polishing my belt buckles.
Sheldon: Oh. By all means. When I was a boy, I would polish my Mee-Maw's silver. And she would entertain me with stories about growing up in Oklahoma. Interesting woman. You know, she once killed a prairie dog with a gravy boat.
Howard: That's nice.
Sheldon: That's a lot of belt buckles.
Howard: Funny thing is, I only have one belt. Anyway, I'll let you get started. Oh, by the way, the little marks, uh, that look like water spots, I tend to stand too close to the urinal, so what you're seeing there is splash back.
Sheldon: You make sissy on your belt buckles? Mee-Maw's forks never had that.
Howard: Here is a black light to check them. And for your own peace of mind, you might not want to shine that around the rest of the room.
(Later)
Howard: Sheldon, these look great. They're like magnificent little crowns to hang over my magnificent little jewels. How'd you get them so shiny?
Sheldon: Oh, I-I buffed them with Turtle Wax. The man down at Pep Boys says from now on, the urine should just bead up and roll right off.
Howard: Way to go the extra mile. Your Mee-Maw would be proud.
Sheldon: My Mee-Maw must never know of this. Now will you give Professor Hawking my paper?
Howard: Oh, my dear boy, no. Okay. Next, this is a sexy French maid costume I bought for Bernadette. I thought it might spice things up and get her to dust my room at the same time, but I was wrong and really wrong.
Sheldon: And you want me to return it for you?
Howard: No, no, no, mon petit cherie.
Scene: The cafeteria. Sheldon enters in the French maid costume.
Sheldon: What are you all staring at? Didn't you ever see a man try to get a meeting with Stephen Hawking before?
Scene: The laundry room.
Penny: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Penny: It's not Saturday night. Why are you doing your laundry?
Sheldon: This is not my laundry.
Penny: Wow, are these Amy's? Kind of trashy, good for her.
Sheldon: Those are Howard's.
Penny: Ugh. Why are you washing Howard's man panties?
Sheldon: Because if I don't, he won't give my paper to Stephen Hawking. He's a famous physicist.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, I know, he's the wheelchair dude who invented time.
Sheldon: That's close enough.
Penny: I don't understand, why doesn't Howard just introduce you to the guy?
Sheldon: Because he's punishing me for being a, quote, condescending jerk. You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
Penny: Well...
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, condescending means...
Penny: I know what it means. And yes, you love correcting people and putting them down.
Sheldon: Au contraire. When I correct people I am raising them up. You should know, I do it for you more than anyone.
Penny: Come on, you do it to feel superior. I see that twinkle in your eye when someone says who instead of whom or thinks the moon is a planet.
Sheldon: Or Don Quixote is a book about a donkey named Hotay.
Penny: See, there it is, there's that twinkle.
Sheldon: Well, I can't help it. That's an involuntary twinkle.
Penny: What do you want me to tell you, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I want you to tell me that Howard is being mean to me for no reason.
Penny: Fine, Howard is being mean to you for no reason.
Sheldon: I knew it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene: Howard's bedroom.
Howard: What's the matter?
Bernadette: Every time I spend the night, your mom slaps me on the behind and says, go get 'im.
Howard: It's not her fault. She's getting hormone replacement therapy. Makes her crazy horny. Check this out, I got Sheldon to wear the French maid's costume.
Bernadette: Oh, my God, that's terrible.
Howard: Hey, I gave you first crack at it.
Bernadette: Why are you doing that? You're being mean to him.
Howard: He's mean to me all the time. You've heard him tease me about not having a doctorate.
Bernadette: If you don't want to get teased about that, get a doctorate. I have one, they're great.
Howard: Oh, come on, the man torments me. I'm just letting him have a little taste of his own medicine.
Bernadette: It's not the same thing. Sheldon doesn't know when he's being mean because the part of his brain that should know is getting a wedgie from the rest of his brain.
Howard: Fine, I'll just make him do a couple more things, then I'll stop.
Bernadette: No, you have to stop now.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): Bernadette, I want to remind you, you promised to take me dress shopping tomorrow!
Bernadette: Oh, damn. I'm sorry, I can't make it, but Sheldon's going to go with you! And that's the last thing you do to him.
Scene: A shop changing rooms.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): Sheldon! I need your help!
Sheldon: What is it now, Mrs. Wolowitz?
Mrs Wolowitz (off): It's this dress. When I put my front in, my back pops out. When I put my back in, my front pops out. It's like trying to keep two dogs in a bathtub!
Sheldon: What do you want me to do?
Mrs Wolowitz (off): We're gonna have to work as a team. Get in here, grab a handful, and start stuffing.
Sheldon (off): I'm not sure how to do this.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): It's easy, just pretend you're putting away a sleeping bag.
Sheldon (off): Sleeping bags don't usually sweat this much, but okay.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): Now zip me up.
Sheldon (off): Oh, if we squeeze you any tighter, you may turn into a diamond.
Mrs Wolowitz (off): You're right, who am I kidding? You should have seen me when I was young, Sheldon. The fellas used to line up and bring me boxes of candy. Why did I eat it all? Would you hold me?
Sheldon: Oh, no, you know, I'm not really the holding kind of... Oh!
Scene: The apartment.
Howard: Oh, guys, I just remembered. I got you some Hawking souvenirs.
Leonard: What are these?
Howard: Gears and springs from his wheelchair. Pretty cool, huh?
Raj: Wow, that's amazing.
Howard: Yeah, I made an adjustment on the motor drive and when I was putting it back together I could not for the life of me figure out where they went.
Sheldon: I did it. Had to go to three clothing stores, but we finally found a dress that could envelop your mother.
Howard: I should have sent you to the custom car cover place in Altadena. They have her pattern on file.
Sheldon: Humorous. Now will you please present my paper to Professor Hawking?
Howard: I don't know.
Sheldon: Oh, for heaven's sake. I did your laundry, I pee-pee-proofed your belt buckles, I, I even sprained my wrist helping your mother lift her bosom.
Howard: All right, Sheldon, there's only one thing left I want you to do. Don't worry, it's an easy one.
Sheldon: Okay.
Howard: Give me a compliment.
Sheldon: Fine. You have very tiny hands.
Howard: No, about my job. I want you to tell me I'm good at what I do.
Sheldon: You're obviously good at what you do.
Howard: Well, then why are you always ripping on me?
Sheldon: Oh, I understand the confusion. I have never said that you are not good at what you do. It's just that what you do is not worth doing.
Leonard: It's nicer than anything he's ever said to me. I'd take it and run.
Howard: Thank you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Now will you give my paper to Hawking?
Howard: Sorry, I can't.
Sheldon: What, why not?
Howard: I gave it to him three days ago. He was really impressed. He wants to meet you.
Sheldon: All right, then. Thank you, Howard. Please let Professor Hawking know that I'm available at his earliest convenience.
Raj: I thought he might be a little more excited.
Leonard: Give it a second. (Sound of Sheldon shrieking in joy in his bedroom)
Scene: Stephen Hawking's office.
Sheldon: Professor Hawking, it's an honour and a privilege to meet you, sir.
Hawking: I know.
Sheldon: I want to thank you for taking time to see me.
Hawking: My pleasure. I enjoyed reading your paper very much. You clearly have a brilliant mind.
Sheldon: I know.
Hawking: Your thesis that the Higgs boson is a black hole accelerating backwards through time is fascinating.
Sheldon: Thank you. It just, it came to me one morning in the shower.
Hawking: That's nice. Too bad it's wrong.
Sheldon: What do you mean wrong?
Hawking: You made an arithmetic mistake on page two. It was quite the boner.
Sheldon: No, no, th-th-th-that can't be right. I-I don't make arithmetic mistakes.
Hawking: Are you saying I do?
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, of course not. It's just, I was thinking... Oh, gosh, golly, I made a boo-boo, and I gave it to Stephen Hawking.
Hawking: Great, another fainter. | Plan: A: Stephen Hawking's motorized wheelchair; Q: What is Howard hired to maintain? A: Caltech; Q: Where is Stephen Hawking guest lecturing? A: Sheldon; Q: Who faints when Hawking tells him that his paper is wrong? A: his idol; Q: What does Sheldon consider Hawking? A: a doctorate; Q: What does Sheldon want to see Howard get? A: the Higgs boson; Q: What paper does Sheldon want to give to Hawking? A: several embarrassing tasks; Q: What does Sheldon agree to do for Howard in exchange for his paper? A: his job; Q: What does Sheldon feel Howard is not good at? A: his backhanded compliment; Q: What does Howard accept from Sheldon? A: three days ago; Q: How long ago did Howard give Hawking his paper? A: an arithmetic mistake; Q: What did Hawking say caused Sheldon to faint? Summary: Howard is hired to maintain Stephen Hawking's motorized wheelchair while he is guest-lecturing at Caltech. He plans to introduce Sheldon to Hawking (Sheldon considers Hawking his idol) until Sheldon insults him yet again about his lack of a doctorate. Sheldon pleads with Howard to introduce him to Hawking, to no avail. He then asks him to give his paper on the Higgs boson to Hawking, to which he agrees, but only if he does several embarrassing tasks for him. Howard then asks him to give him a compliment about his job. Sheldon replies that he never said that Howard is bad at his job, he just feels that his job is not worth doing. Howard accepts his backhanded compliment and reveals that he had already given Hawking his paper three days ago and that he wants to meet him. Hawking is very impressed with Sheldon's paper, but then mentions that he had made an arithmetic mistake as a result of which the entire paper is wrong. At this, a shocked Sheldon faints. |
ACT ONE
Scene One - Apartment Martin is eating breakfast. Daphne, preoccupied, taps her fork on her plate, annoying him. He slides a piece of bread under her fork.
Martin: You got something on your mind?
Daphne: It's Joe. Tonight's our six-month anniversary, but we can't celebrate until next week because he's flying to Las Vegas with his buddies.
Martin: Oh, Vegas, huh? Great! Well, tell him not to miss the show
at the Diamond Lounge: a Topless History of the World! If they've still got the same Bathsheeba he's in for a real treat!
The doorbell rings. Daphne gets up to answer it.
Daphne: Oh yes, that's just where I want Joe spending our anniversary, some smutty show in Vegas!
Martin: No, it's very tasteful and historically accurate. Except at the end, where Eleanor Roosevelt and Eva Braun settle World War Two by wrestling in pudding.
Daphne opens the door to Niles.
Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Daphne.
Frasier comes out.
Frasier: Oh, Niles. To what do we owe this pleasure?
Niles: To an unscrupulous art dealer who's trying to rob me blind. Last night, I was at a gallery opening, and-
Frasier: Niles, is this going to be a long story?
Niles: Moderately.
Frasier: Walk-and-talk.
Niles follows Frasier into the kitchen.
Niles: Anyway, I was at this opening, in conversation, when I made a rather emphatic point about pointillism, when I lost the grip on my canapé and found that it became airborne! Well, the next thing I know I'm being confronted by an irate gallery owner who's demanding I reimburse him for the damage to one of his paintings! How he could notice a fleck of foie gras on a Jackson Pollock is beyond me.
Frasier laughs and rolls his eyes at the absurdity.
Niles: He's getting an estimate, and just to protect myself, I seem to recall you knowing a trustworthy art restorer?
Frasier: Oh yes, I do, actually. Saved my life last year when Eddie licked my Liechtenstein! I'll get you his card.
Niles: Oh, thank you.
Frasier goes out and flips through his Rolodex.
Niles: You free for lunch today?
Frasier: Oh, sadly, no. The radio station is subjecting my program to something they call a "focus group" this afternoon. Dinner, perhaps?
Niles: Oh, perfect. And what exactly is a focus group?
Frasier: Well, they actually drag a pack of people off the street and make them listen to my program, and then dutifully record their opinions about it.
Niles: How demeaning!
Frasier: Oh, absolutely. Can you imagine Sigmund Freud being dragged into a roomful of Viennese laymen to hear remarks like, "hate that Oedipal thing, but, oh, love the pen1s envy!" I mean, really! The worst thing is that they may change my show in deference to the opinion of Joe Six-Pack!
Martin: You're worrying too much. I was on a focus group once.
Frasier: That sound you hear is a nail being hammered into my coffin.
Martin: They were trying out a new frozen snack. It was a meatball with the cheese injected right in the middle.
Niles has to cover his mouth.
Frasier: Just as nature intended. Frasier goes back to his room. Niles's cell phone rings.
Niles: Dr. Niles Crane. Ah. So, you have the estimate? What? Four thousand dollars, to remove a miniscule gobbet of duck liver?! I could do the same thing with a Q-tip and some club seltzer! Oh well, you may very well say "pay up or else," but I have something to say to you-
The art dealer hangs up on him. Behind his back, Daphne turns on the television to a daytime talk show.
Woman: [on TV] Yeah, well at least I wasn't fooling around with the babysitter!
Man: [on TV] Shut up!
Woman: No, you shut up!
Not noticing Daphne, Niles snatches the remote and turns off the TV.
Niles: Oh please, I have enough aggravation without having to listen to a stupid talk show! I swear, the only life forms lower than the people who appear on those shows are the ones who watch them!
Daphne: Like me?
Niles: What? [sees her] Oh no, I didn't realize-
Daphne: No, no, no, that's quite all right. Although I do find it interesting that I get criticized for listening to people's problems, when all you do is get rich from it.
Niles: Surely, Daphne, even you can see the difference between cheap sensationalism and the practice of psychiatry.
Daphne: Oh, "even me?" As in, "even feeble-minded Daphne?!" Well, I'll tell you what I can tell the difference between: a true gentleman and a condescending prig!
Niles: [flabbergasted] I... am NOT!
Daphne: He said priggishly.
Niles throws down his phone. Undying adoration and worship are all well and good, but this is WAR!
Niles: Forgive me if I'm not as down to earth as you and your tattooed, muu-muu wearing brethren!
Daphne: You pompous twit!
Niles: Couch zombie!
Daphne: Snob!
Niles: Brat!
Daphne: Oh, shut up!
Niles: No, YOU shut up!
Martin: I'm glad we turned off the TV.
He gets up and goes to his room. Niles and Daphne snap out of it.
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, I'm so sorry! I'm just so upset at Joe! I didn't mean a word of it!
Niles: Daphne, I apologize-
Daphne: Oh no, it was my fault-
Niles: I called you a couch zombie-
Daphne: No, please-
Niles: [offers hand] Friends?
Daphne: [shaking] Oh, of course.
She goes to the kitchen, laughing with relief. Niles just stands there, shell-shocked. Frasier comes out.
Frasier: Niles, what was that all about?
Niles: I'm not sure. But, oh, mama, it was glorious! Blood- pounding, sarcastic zingers flying!
Frasier: Are you saying you that enjoyed fighting with Daphne?
Niles: Every exhilarating moment! It was pure, unbridled passion! I think I still have some of her spittle on my forehead! Oh, why did Dad ever tell us not to fight with girls? It's wonderful! The friction between us-
Frasier: Niles, is this going to be a long description?
Niles: Very!
Frasier: Walk-and-talk.
They go out the door, Niles continue to wax rhapsodic.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Conference Room A dozen average-looking people are seated around a long table. In the middle is a tape recorder. On one wall is a two-way mirror.
Frasier: [on tape] By showering a reluctant girlfriend with gifts, Billy, you're applying a band-aid to a gaping wound. My advice is to find someone who will return your worthy affection, or your wallet, as well as your bed, will be empty. I see we're out of time. Thank you for listening. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, wishing you all good mental health.
The moderator turns off the tape recorder.
Moderator: OK, let's talk about Dr. Crane's show. Oh, I know you've been eyeing this two-way mirror, but the other people behind there are data consultants, so please speak freely. There's no one involved with the show whose feelings could be hurt.
On the other side, Frasier and Roz are watching, along with a data collector with a clipboard.
Roz: If anybody says anything bad about me, I'll kill myself!
Frasier: Now, Roz, relax. We do a perfectly good show. We're not going to change it one iota. Only a fool would listen to the opinion of every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Conference Room:
Man 1: I liked everything about it. Observation Room:
Frasier: On the other hand, it's good to keep an open mind. Conference Room:
Man 2: I like that Roz. I think her voice is really sexy, especially that throaty laugh of hers.
Observation Room:
Roz: Wow, that's nice. I didn't know I had a throaty laugh.
Collector: You do. I've noticed it too.
Roz: Really? Oh, you. [throaty laugh]
Conference Room:
Man 2: The stuff he says really seems to make a lot of sense.
Woman 1: Yeah, it's funny. I mean, he takes his callers seriously, but he can kid around with them too.
Woman 2: Yeah, I listen to a lot of radio, and I think this is a great show.
Observation Room:
Frasier: Well, I just don't know how much more of this I can listen to!
In the Conference Room, the moderator notices one man is quiet.
Moderator: Manu, I notice you've been quiet. Uh, do you have something to say?
Manu: Me? No.
Moderator: We'd like to hear your opinion of the program.
Manu: Well, it... I don't know. Something about... I don't like it.
Observation Room:
Frasier: Well, who is this cheeky nonconformist?
Collector: [checks clipboard] Well, let's see, his name is Manu Habib, married, no children, owns his own newsstand.
Roz: Wow, that is so weird, to hear someone's whole life summed up like that. "Roz Doyle, Radio Producer, single." [throaty laugh]
Conference Room:
Moderator: Well, getting back to your thoughts, Manu, you said there was something about the program you didn't like. Can you be more specific.
Manu: I don't like him.
Moderator: Why?
Manu: I don't know. I just don't like him.
Man 2: Oh, I do. I'm gonna start listening to him all the time.
Woman 1: It's a great show.
Everyone but Manu choruses in agreement. Observation Room:
Roz: My God, Frasier, this is a love-fest! I can't believe we were even worried about it.
Frasier: "I just don't like him." Hmm...
In the Conference Room, coffee is brought in.
Moderator: Well, looks like our coffee's here. Why don't we take a quick break, OK?
The group gets up and takes cups. In the Observation Room, Bulldog comes in:
Bulldog: Hey, sports fans! How's it going in here?
Frasier: Bulldog, I thought they were testing your show across the hall?
Bulldog: Oh, yeah, they are. But after ten minutes it's just the same-old, same-old. Guys love me, chicks pretend not to. Whoa, your group's even uglier than mine!
Roz: Would you knock it off? These people happen to like us.
Bulldog: Oh, will you guys lighten up? You got to get in the spirit of things.
A man in the conference room comes up to the mirror.
Bulldog: Hey, hey! This is great, I live for a moment like this.
The man sticks a finger in his teeth. Frasier, Roz, and the consultant look disgusted.
Bulldog: That's right, that's right, go for it, right there, right there.
Frasier: Bulldog-
Bulldog: As long as you're in there you might as well go after the Huevos Rancheros you had for breakfast!
Frasier: Oh, stop it!
Bulldog: Hey, ten bucks says he eats what he finds.
Frasier: Oh, that's disgusting!
The man comes out with a speck of food on his finger.
Bulldog: Come on, come on, come on, come on- [the man puts the finger back in his mouth] BINGO! Do I know these people or what?!
Frasier, Roz, and the consultant all make disgusted faces and shoo him out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Apartment The doorbell rings. Martin opens the door to Niles.
Martin: Hi, Niles.
Niles: Hey, Dad. May I assume from your dress windbreaker that you'll be joining us for dinner?
Martin: Yep, but I'm making a pitch that we eat at the Timber Mill. I got a coupon from there that expires tomorrow.
Niles: Oh. If I dine there tonight, so may I.
Daphne comes out with a bowl of potato chips.
Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Oh, there's the British bobcat!
Martin: Now, look, she's still a little bit over the edge about this Joe thing. So you better watch your step or you're gonna have a repeat of this morning.
Niles: We wouldn't want that, would we? Chips, Daphne? Was that wise?
Daphne: What do you mean?
Niles: You know what they say, "many chips make for chunky hips." Waddle, waddle, waddle!
Martin: Have you lost your mind?!
Daphne: Oh, no, no, I'm glad if I put on a few pounds. Now maybe Joe will stop nagging me to plump up!
Niles is disappointed as his first salvo backfires. Frasier comes in.
Martin: Hey, Fras, how was the focus group?
Frasier: [sulky] Fine, I guess.
Martin: Oh, well, you said yourself they didn't mean anything.
Frasier: Yes, well, it's one thing to say that. It's another to sit there being personally attacked! One man actually said, [with great weight] "I just don't like him."
Niles: Only one?
Daphne: I'm sure someone must have said something nice.
Frasier: Well, all the other eleven had nothing but high praise.
Martin: Eleven out of twelve liked you? You should be thrilled! F..DR didn't have that kind of approval rating.
Daphne: Yes, or Churchill for that matter.
Niles: Churchill-that cigar-chomping gin blossom with a face attached!
Daphne: You're right about that. There's a kiss hello to put you off your tea.
Niles is frustrated again.
Frasier: I wish I was able to talk to this man and ask him what it is about me that he doesn't like. But, I-I can't, you see, he was told that his comments would be kept confidential.
Martin: Just forget it. Come on, let's go out to dinner. I'm buying.
Frasier: Well, what is it he doesn't like about me? My voice, my manner, do I intimidate him?
Martin: I don't know! What is it about you? Everybody has to love you! Just like when you were in that play in high school. You get standing ovations every night, all your friends say you're great, you got one lousy review in the school paper and you sulked for a week.
Frasier: Well, you know, Dad, I'd like to think I've matured a bit since then. But, you know, you would have sulked too, if you'd read in the paper, "Mr. Crane's attempts to gyrate his hips as Conrad, the teen idol in 'Bye-Bye, Birdie,' made this reviewer say, 'Bye-bye, breakfast!'"
Niles: That review was a mash note compared to my first draft.
Daphne: I know just what you're going through. I once won a dance competition hands down, but instead of celebrating I spent the whole night fretting over my one bad score. [laughs] Silly-head!
Niles: Idiot.
Daphne raises furious eyes to Niles.
Niles: [at last] Oh, I've stepped in it now! Daphne rises from her chair.
Daphne: Listen here, Dr. Crane-
Niles: Yeah, Daphne?
Frasier: All right now, Daphne, just a moment! Just try to remember what you're like when you're arguing with Joe. Consider Niles's situation. He's separated. You can't imagine the emotional see-saw he's on. Not to mention the fact that he may be unaware that he's acting like a complete jackass!
Daphne: Of course, you're right. I'm sorry, I should be more sensitive. From now on, nothing you say can make me cross with you.
She goes to her room, leaving Niles feeling cheated and chagrined.
Niles: I suppose I had that coming. Though I think "jackass" was a tad over the line.
Frasier: Well, just consider it payback for the headline, "Crane's 'Birdie' Lays An Egg!"
Martin: All right, now, Fras, you got to let it go. You know, no matter who you are, no matter what you do, you can't please everyone.
Frasier: I suppose my negative baggage is just a pound or two over the weight limit.
Martin: O.K., good, come on, let's go have dinner.
The Crane boys head for the door
Frasier: This is good! This is healthy! I'm letting go!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Four - Street Frasier is driving with Martin and Niles. Suddenly he pulls over. Across the street is a newsstand, manned by Manu.
Frasier: There he is. The man who... doesn't like me.
Martin: I knew we should have taken two cars.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE
Scene Five - Street
Martin: What are we doing here?
Frasier: I'm sorry, Dad. It's just that "I just don't like him," it's not specific enough. Why doesn't he like me?
Martin: What difference does it make?
Frasier: Well, if his point was valid, I would do something about it. If it's not, well, then I could dismiss it.
Martin: Fine, go talk to him.
Frasier: I can't. He's not supposed to know I was part of the focus group. You, Dad! You could go talk to him for me.
Martin: Oh, for crying out loud-
Niles: Look, if we're going to be here for a while, could we at least lock the doors?
Martin: Relax, Niles, the neighborhood's O.K.
Niles: The docks are two blocks from here!
Martin: So's the Ritz-Carleton.
Niles: Exactly! We're caught halfway between heaven and hell.
Frasier: All I want is more information. Dad, please? Please go talk to him for me?
Martin: All right, if I get an answer for you, can we go to dinner?
Frasier: O.K., fine. [Martin opens his door] Oh, but wait, wait, wait! Now you can't just walk up there and ask him. He'll know that I sent you. Got to find some artful way of introducing the subject.
Niles: Can we at least hide Dad's handicapped sign? It sends a clear signal that we're incapable of fighting back!
Martin: So do your suspenders.
Frasier: All right, I've got it, I've got it. You're a business man in town from Chicago. No, no, it's too obvious. Uh, from Cleveland. No would ever pretend to be from Cleveland.
Martin: Fine, then we eat. [starts to get out]
Frasier: Wait, wait, we're not through yet! Yes, you've had a bad sales month, and you're a little depressed. You happen to see an add for my show on the side of a bus, and you were wondering if I'm as intelligent as I look.
Martin: What?
Frasier: Oh, just word it your own way. Are we clear on this now?
Martin: All right, I got it. Businessman, Cleveland, depressed, then eat!
Frasier: Yes, Dad, eat! Honestly, sometimes you can get so obsessed about things!
Martin bites his tongue and gets out of the car.
Martin: Oh, God, it's raining! He grabs an umbrella, opens it and then walks over to Manu.
Martin: Hi, I'm Marty Crane. My son's Dr. Frasier Crane. He's across the street in that BMW. [Manu looks] No, don't look!
Manu: Oh, my God. He was behind the mirror.
Martin: Look, don't worry about it. He's not mad at you. He just want to know why you don't like him.
Manu: But I do like him.
Martin: No, you don't.
Manu: Oh, yes, I do!
Martin: No, he heard what you said.
Manu: I can't do this. I don't like to say bad things about people, and you are his father-
Martin: No, you'd be doing me a favor! Just answer this one question, and we'll all get out of your life forever.
Manu: All right. I-I don't know your son well. But, uh, I guess I find him, uh, just a little bit... annoying.
Martin: Yeah?
Manu: Annoying.
Martin: O.K. You did good. Thanks.
Manu: Please tell your son I'm sorry that he annoys me so much.
Martin: Will do.
He walks back to the car.
Niles: Not yet... not yet... not yet. [Martin reaches the door] OK, unlock! [Frasier unlocks the doors; Martin gets in] And lock! [Frasier locks]
Martin: Mission accomplished.
Frasier: Good. Did he believe my story?
Martin: Oh, yeah, I had him going pretty good. That Cleveland thing really sold it. Well, we better go eat now, huh? Before he sees us again.
Frasier: Right. [starts car] So, uh, Dad, what doesn't he like about me?
Martin: He said you annoy him.
Frasier: Yes, how so?
Martin: Well, I didn't ask him.
Frasier: What do you mean you didn't ask him?
Martin: Oh, geez!
Frasier: I'm sorry, Dad, but I have no idea what "he's annoying" means!
Martin: Well, it's clear enough to me!
Frasier: I'm just going to have to do this myself!
He gets out of the car. Martin hands him the umbrella.
Martin: Here.
Frasier: Thank you.
He walks over to Manu. In the car, Niles opens his cell phone.
Martin: Who're you calling?
Niles: No one. I just pressed 911, and I'm keeping my finger poised over the Send button in case there's trouble with those hooligans. [points out the window]
Martin: Oh, the UPS men or the little girls playing in the puddle?
Niles closes his phone. At the newsstand:
Manu: Hello.
Frasier: Hello.
Manu: I can help you?
Frasier: Uh, yes, yes, you were recently speaking with a salesman from Cleveland.
Manu: I don't think so.
Frasier: It was just five minutes ago. He left you and went over to that car waiting right over there. You see?
He points over his shoulder to the BMW, where Martin and Niles are now both staring at him.
Manu: Oh, God, no. You're him, it's you.
Frasier: Yes, yes, it is. I'm so sorry, I really don't mean to bother you but I would like to talk to you for a minute.
Manu: I like your show.
Frasier: Oh, no.
Manu: I like your show, and I like you.
Frasier: That man was my father-
Manu: I like your father!
Frasier: Oh, that's very nice of you, but you see, you told him that, uh, you find me annoying. [Manu protests] Yes, yes, you did, and that's all right. I don't mind constructive criticism. It's just that I wish you could be a bit more specific. What exactly is it about me that you find so annoying?
Manu: You're not annoying.
Frasier: Yes, I am! Would I be here if I wasn't?
Manu: Well, I have enjoyed talking to you very much, but it's time for my break.
Frasier: Oh, no, no, please!
Manu reaches up to the metal curtain. Frasier leans forward to stop him, knocking a bottle of Yoo-Hoo over Manu's pants.
In the car, Niles reacts. Martin puts his arm over his eyes.
Frasier: I'm so sorry.
Manu: I am a sticky mess.
Frasier: Let me help you with that.
Manu: No, no, no, no, it's fine, good.
Frasier: Manu?
Manu: Drive safe.
He pulls the curtain down to hide his face. Frasier knocks on the curtain, causing it to plummet down, crushing Manu's hand. Manu screams in pain.
Frasier: Oh, dear God! I'm so sorry! Are you all right? Let me look at it, let me look at it-
Manu: No, no!
Frasier: Look, I am a doctor.
Manu: No, no, I just go to the restaurant to put ice on it.
He stumbles away.
Frasier: Right, you know, I'll hold down the fort here! Glad to be of help!
In the car, Niles is watching. Martin's eyes are still covered.
Niles: [matter-of-fact] He's crushed the gentleman's hand, and now he appears to be commandeering his newsstand.
Martin: Uh-huh.
Frasier steps into the newsstand. He notices a smoldering cigar sitting in an ashtray.
Frasier: Oh, good lord. Smoking in the worst places! He places the ashtray on the ground. A woman [Amanda] comes over.
Amanda: How much for the paper?
Frasier: Ah, yes, uh, well, that would be [checks the paper] oh, fifty cents. [she pays] Thank you so much. There we are.
Amanda: Scuse me, are you Dr. Crane from the radio?
Frasier: Why, yes, I am.
Amanda: Oh, I just never miss your show! I love you! I guess you get tired of hearing that.
Frasier: Oh, occupational hazard.
Amanda: [takes out paper and pen] Oh, would you mind-?
Frasier: Oh, I wouldn't mind at all.
Amanda: To Amanda.
Frasier: [autographs paper] Amanda, it's a pleasure.
Amanda: What are you doing here, anyway?
Frasier: Oh, oh, well you see, let me explain, you see. [steps out of the newsstand] The, uh, radio station conducted a little audio survey today, and although the response was favorable from eleven out of twelve of the participants-
Amanda notices smoke curling up from the floor of the newsstand.
Amanda: Is that smoking?
Frasier: [oblivious] Well, some people might consider it smoking, but you see, for me-
A fire explodes.
Amanda: FIRE! Amanda runs away. Frasier, yelling for help, does the same.
In the car, Niles's face is now resting on his hand. Martin, face still covered, is sunk even lower in his seat.
Niles: Oh, my God. Frasier set his newsstand on fire.
Martin: Mmm-hmm.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - Street As firemen probe through the charred ruins of the newsstand, Manu sits on the sidewalk with his head in his hands [one bandaged]. Frasier comes over.
Frasier: Uh, may I? [sits beside him] Look, I know there's nothing I can say right now that would make you feel any better, but rest assured, I will be financially responsible for everything.
Manu: All this because you had to know why I do not like you.
Frasier: Well, you were kind of vague.
Manu: You want to know why? I'll tell you why. I think you are a smarty-pants. I was too polite to say that before. But then you spied on me, you stalked me, you badgered me, you poured Yoo-Hoo down my Dockers, you crunched my hand, and then, as if all that was not enough, you burned down my newsstand, my livelihood, a gift to me from my beloved uncle, may he rest in peace!
Frasier: Was that so hard?
Frasier leaves.
END OF ACT TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
Bulldog sits in a chair, eating popcorn. Through the two-way mirror he sees Roz talking to the Collector in the empty conference room. She makes her intentions clear by taking his clipboard and tossing it aside.
They kiss and fall onto the table, locked in an embrace. As they tumble off the table and onto the floor, Bulldog gets up from his chair and leans forward to get a better look. | Plan: A: KACL; Q: What station is Frasier's show on? A: twelve people; Q: How many people are in the focus group? A: a two-way mirror; Q: What do Frasier and Roz watch from behind? A: their feedback; Q: What do the focus group give to Frasier and Roz? A: The reactions; Q: What is almost all positive? A: Manu Habib; Q: Who is the focus group member who does not like Frasier? A: Tony Shalhoub; Q: Who played Manu Habib? A: the host; Q: What does Manu Habib not like about Frasier's show? A: the overall response; Q: What is Roz pleased with? A: an art restoration job; Q: What is Niles being overcharged for? A: a Jackson Pollock; Q: What art piece did Niles damage at a gallery opening? A: an argument; Q: What does Niles have with Daphne? A: the experience; Q: What does Niles try to recreate with Daphne? Summary: Frasier's show on KACL is presented to a focus group of twelve people, and unbeknownst to them, Frasier and Roz watch from behind a two-way mirror as they give their feedback. The reactions are almost all positive, except for one man, Manu Habib ( Tony Shalhoub ), who keeps quiet. When asked directly, he says he does not like the host, giving no reason. Roz is delighted with the overall response, but Frasier starts to obsess over why this one man does not like him. Meanwhile, Niles is being overcharged for an art restoration job, after he slightly damaged a Jackson Pollock at a gallery opening. He has an argument with Daphne, which he finds very exciting, and he later tries baiting her to recreate the experience. |
"Double Death of the Dearly Departed"
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Open: Booth's Car - Booth, Brennan, Cam & Hodgins are on the way to a funeral)
BOOTH: Geez, the poor guy was only 50.
BRENNAN: They say cause of death was cardiac failure resulting from a congenital defect.
BOOTH: You're not gonna talk like that when we get there, right?
BRENNAN: Like what?
BOOTH: You know, it's a wake, Bones, it's not a crime scene. You know, "Hey I'm sorry for your loss." "How are you holding up?" Stuff like that.
BRENNAN: I know, I just don't agree with the social convention which requires us to attend a day long grieving ritual simply because the deceased worked at the Jeffersonian.
BOOTH: Try not to say "the deceased."
BRENNAN: It's not like any of us actually knew this Dr. Reilly personally.
HODGINS: I knew him. It was Hank. Hank was a prince.
CAM: I talked to him just last week about Michelle. How to get her to stop smoking.
BOOTH: She's smoking? She's smoking what?
CAM: Cigarettes. I've been her legal guardian for a month and I'm already a total failure.
BOOTH: She's 16. She's just trying to test you, that's all.
CAM: Maybe we should just focus on Hank.
BRENNAN: Whoa, I think I remember him. Curly blond hair, blue eyes, glasses...
BOOTH: Nope. Dark hair, balding.
BRENNAN: You don't even work at the Jeffersonian. How do you know him?
BOOTH: The guy ran the best fantasy football league in DC.
HODGINS: Oh, man...Oh, man, I still owe him 20 bucks.
BOOTH: Come to think about it, you know what, he owed me 20 bucks. Great, how am I gonna get that now?
(Cut to: Reilly Home. Mourners are gathered in the parlor to view Hanks body.)
BRENNAN: There are a lot people here whom I recognize.
ANGELA: Well, they're from work, honey.
HODGINS: There's Amy Valeska. That's Hank's assistant.
CAM: Ch, she looks really upset.
SWEETS: Grief can be very difficult to process so, if anyone needs to talk...
BOOTH: That's why they have booze, Sweets. Right?
ANGELA: Hank's mother over there is very rich. Something to do with dry cleaning.
(A man approaches)
BARNEY REILLY: Dr. Temperance Brennan?
BRENNAN: Yes. Hello.
BARNEY REILLY: Hank said you worked at the museum, but I didn't think you'd be here. I- I'm Barney, Hank's brother.
BOOTH: (whispering to Brennan) I'm sorry for your loss.
BRENNAN: I'm sorry for your loss.
BARNEY REILLY: Yeah, I'm an author. A writer, like you. I mean, I write thrillers. I've read all of yours.
FRANKLIN TUNG: Ladies and gentleman, after you take a moment with the deceased, please join us in the family room for refreshments and reminiscences.
CAM: Sounds good.
(Hodgins walks up to the casket and places a $5 bill in Hank's jacket pocket)
CAM: Sorry, Hank but she's still smoking.
(Angela stand by the casket and wipes her tears away. After, Booth walks up and takes the $5 that Hodgins put in Hank's pocket. Then Hank's Mother, Brother and assistant - Amy Veleska - pay their respects. Amy places a rose in the coffin and there is noticeable tension between her and Hank's wife. Booth starts to usher Brennan forward)
BOOTH: (to Brennan) Go up. Pay your respects.
BRENNAN: I know.
(She walks up to the casket and places the rose back on Hank's body. Then she notices something else...she unbuttons Hank's shirt and starts feeling around his chest and realizes that something is wrong.)
BOOTH: Okay, Bones, you really suck at this. You are staring way too long at this guy, okay? People are gonna start thinking you have a thing for him.
BRENNAN: This man was murdered.
BOOTH: Heart attack.
BRENNAN: No...
BOOTH: He had a heart attack.
BRENNAN: No, Booth, this man was murdered. Hank Reilly did not die from congenital heart failure. He was murdered.
OPENING CREDITS
(Cut to: Reilly Home - Back Porch. Booth and Brennan are outside, talking. Booth hands her a drink.)
BRENNAN: What is that? This is whiskey.
BOOTH: Well, it's a wake, Bones, okay? There's drinking involved.
BRENNAN: We should remain clear-headed so we can solve the murder.
BOOTH: Code word, okay, for murder?
BRENNAN: Okay.
BOOTH: I want you to say "translation," you understand? Translation, got it?
BRENNAN: Okay. Someone translated Dr. Reilly, and we have to find out who.
BOOTH: Bones, is there any chance you just feel bad about not knowing this guy like the rest of us did? So, now you're just making it about you in saying that he was translated instead of, I don't know, dying of natural causes?
BRENNAN: No, there is no chance of that.
BOOTH: What makes you think he was translated?
BRENNAN: Okay, the rose that his assistant placed on his chest had fallen to the side. So, I reached in to put it back and I touched him.
BOOTH: Whoa, you touched him?! Ugh. Ah!
BRENNAN: I touch dead people all the time, Booth. Well, I felt cracked ribs. Left, 2-4.
BOOTH: Drink up, will you?
BRENNAN: Why?
BOOTH: 'Cause I'm hoping you're gonna pass out.
BRENNAN: Booth, we are talking about translation.
BOOTH: Bones, did you ever think that, I don't know, if there was evidence of foul translation, that the coroner would have spotted it?
BRENNAN: Yes.
BOOTH: Fine, so, I'll tell you what. Tomorrow morning we will go find the guy who did the autopsy and we'll ask him questions.
BRENNAN: No, Dr. Reilly's scheduled to be cremated this afternoon. All the evidence will be destroyed. We have to get an injunction so that we can examine the remains.
BOOTH: Now? You want me to take the body now?
BRENNAN: Yes.
BOOTH: That family will be scarred for life.
BRENNAN: Booth, the man has been translated.
BOOTH: Okay, fine. Fine, fine, fine. Triple fine, all right? I'll call for an injunction. In the meantime, go into the family room there where they're doing toasts, okay? All right, there you go. Bones? Put on a sad face. (She attempts a sad face) No, sad. (she tries again) Keep that face sad. That's it. That's it.
(Cut to: Family Room. Hank's wife, Helen Reilly, is making a speech.)
HELEN REILLY: I loved Hank Reilly. I still love him! And why not? He was...a good husband, a good man. The little things are what life's about. The routine.
CAM: (whispering to Hodgins) Hank said I should ground Michelle. But I don't want to be the enemy. She's only been with me for a month, you know?
HODGINS: Really, now?
CAM: Oh, right.
HELEN REILLY: Every morning I brewed his tea for him steeped just the amount he liked it. What am I going to do now, in the mornings? Without Hank?
JONAH AMAYO: I- I'm Jonah Amayo. Hank and I started at the Jeffersonian at the same time. (Brennan walks past everyone and heads back into the Parlor) He was head of Egyptology. I lead the Caribbean department.
(Cut to: Parlor. Booth enters and finds Brennan examining Hank's body again.)
BOOTH: Bones, what are you doing? Will you stop playing with the body?!
BRENNAN: Did you get the injunction?
BOOTH: No, the judge turned us down.
BRENNAN: But why?
BOOTH: Why? Because both the paramedics and the medical examiner said that Reilly here died of heart failure. No evidence of translation.
BRENNAN: But I am contradicting them. My record and credentials...
BOOTH: Okay, look, the judge said he didn't want to grant a request to an author of pulp mystery books just because she wanted to get a little free publicity. There, I said it.
BRENNAN: That man is a fool. They are not pulp.
BOOTH: At least he was right about, you know, the paramedics and the medical examiner.
BRENNAN: I will get the judge the proof he needs. Just guard the door.
BOOTH: Get away from the body. Get away from the body.
CAM: (entering) Guard the door? From what?
(Cut to:
(Cut to: Back Porch. Brennan is showing the picture she took on her camera phone to Cam)
CAM: You undressed the deceased?
BRENNAN: No, I didn't have to. It was slit up the back. I just had to untuck him.
(Cam takes the phone and looks at the picture closer.)
CAM: Huh. There was no mention of this contusion in the medical examiner's report.
BOOTH: Meaning?
CAM: This bruise was sustained later.
BRENNAN: Corpses don't bruise.
BOOTH: Whoa, wait. So, Hank was alive after he was declared dead?
CAM: Sure looks that way.
BOOTH: Where did the body go after the medical examiner?
CAM: The funeral home. For embalming.
BRENNAN: We've got to talk to the funeral director.
(Cut to: Hallway. Booth enters a room and doesn't find anyone. Brennan opens the bathroom door and she sees Helen Reilly & the Undertaker, Franklin Tung, having s*x.)
BRENNAN: Hello.
HELEN REILLY: You mind?
(Brennan closes the door and runs down the hall to find Booth)
BRENNAN: Booth! Booth!
(Brennan makes a 'having s*x' motion with her hands)
BOOTH: What? What?!
(Brennan repeats the hand motion)
BRENNAN: The widow and the undertaker.
(She repeats the actions with her hands)
BOOTH: What, they were dancing? What?!
BRENNAN: Sexual intercourse.
BOOTH: Oh, how am I supposed to get sexual intercourse from that? (he copies her prior movements with her hands)
BRENNAN: It's very obvious.
BOOTH: Oh, is it? No, this is obvious.
HELEN REILLY: This is my house now and I can do who I want in it.
BOOTH: Obviously. Okay, there you go. (to Franklin) So, uh, you do this stuff a lot?
FRANKLIN TUNG: It's my job to comfort the bereaved.
BOOTH: Well, it is also your duty to report any damage the body sustained during your preparation of it.
FRANKLIN: When did you take that? You molested the body?
BRENNAN: No.
BOOTH: FBI.
FRANKLIN: Wow, FBI?
BOOTH: You want to explain how the bruises got on that body?
FRANKLIN: The infusion of embalming fluid increases the stainability of bruises on the dermis. A bruise not seen immediately postmortem often presents itself post-embalming.
BOOTH: Okay, is it good enough for you?
BRENNAN: What about the rib breaks?
FRANKLIN: Rib breaks and sternum cracks, which I noted in his file, were the result of Dr. Reilly's assistant attempting to revive him with CPR after finding him unconscious in his office. May I go? I have more work to do.
BOOTH: Right, right. Sure, you have to go take care of his mother now, too?
(Franklin heads downstairs)
BOOTH: (to Brennan) So, you still think he was translated?
BRENNAN: Those are not the ribs that would break during CPR.
BOOTH: Maybe she was just bad at resuscitation.
BRENNAN: No, Booth, this is translation. We need to do a full examination of the body at the lab.
BOOTH: But we do not have an injunction.
(Cut to: Family Room. Hodgins is giving his speech.)
HODGINS: This is a sad day for all of us, but I think it's important that we remember what we loved about Hank, you know? His sense of humor, of course. He was always quick with a joke, good or bad. Usually bad. But he...(he looks out the window and sees Booth & Brennan carrying Hanks body. He starts to stammer - hoping that no one else will notices them outside.) Oh, my God! Uhhhhh. Oh. My. God, Hank. Hank is... Hank-Hank is...he's leaving us. Where is he going from here? Who knows? Oh. But, uh, uh...(he thows down his glass) Oh..God... Hank. It's not fair, you know? You live life, and we-we... we die. And we don't - we don't love enough, and-and I- I got to not do that anymore 'cause I'm... I...I- I need to live and-and love, and...(Booth and Brennan are finally out of sight) Thank you.
(Cut to: Outside the funeral home. Booth and Brennan are trying to get Hank's body to the car.)
BOOTH: Come on... Hurry up, Bones.
BRENNAN: Why are you telling me to hurry up?
BOOTH: Just hurry up. Walk with me, okay...?
CAM: Your Sequoia was, uh...it was blocked so I grabbed Angela's Matrix.
BRENNAN: Is there enough room?
CAM: It'll be fine. There's lots of room.
BOOTH: Here we go, in the car. I got him. Let me just get this stiff in here.
BRENNAN: Oh, shouldn't we lie him down?
BOOTH: No, no. You get stopped, you got a dead corpse. This way, he just looks drunk. Okay. One, two, three. Get the legs in. There we go. All right, grab the seatbelt, plug him in. Oh, watch it, Bones. Watch the...Strap him in there, Bones.
CAM: He looks comfy.
BOOTH: Okay, you got him. Okay, all right. See you later.
BRENNAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Aren't you coming with us?
BOOTH: No, I can't. I got to make sure no one looks in the casket. Okay? Go. Go, go, go, go, go! Go! Drive! Go! What are you waiting for? Go!
(They drive off)
(Cut to: Funeral Home. Angela walks up to Hodgins)
ANGELA: Hey, what-what's going on?
HODGINS: What-What...What do you mean?
ANGELA: Your toast? The word loony comes to mind.
HODGINS: I was moved, and, you know, um, emotional.
ANGELA: Mm-hmm. Tell me what's going on, Jack.
AMY VELESKA: I thought his toast was wonderful.
HODGINS: See? I was just wonderful. That's all.
AMY VELESKA: We don't love each other enough in this world. At least we don't say it enough. You spoke from the heart.
ANGELA: You know, they should really make an announcement about this whiskey being 150 proof.
HODGINS: Amy, you were Dr. Reilly's intern, right?
AMY VELESKA: Graduate assistant, yes.
HODGINS: It must have been awful when you found him lying on the office floor.
ANGELA: Hodgins!
HODGINS: Was he complaining of chest pains?
ANGELA: Hodgins, what are you? Possessed by Brennan?
AMY VELESKA: He was fine all morning. When he left for lunch, I said, "Have a nice lunch," and he said, "Thank you. You, too."
HODGINS: So, you didn't go to lunch together?
AMY VELESKA: No, no. He had a lunch meeting. Sushi. I hate sushi. I've heard that the mercury in raw fish can make you stupid.
HODGINS: Mm, yeah. Uh, who was his lunch meeting with?
AMY VELESKA: He wouldn't say. I yelled for help, called 911, and tried to get him breathing again until the paramedics got there. (She throws her arms around Hodgins and starts sobbing)
(Angela and Hodgins have a silent conversation - she is not amused.)
HODGINS: Oh. Oh, okay. Okay.
HODGINS: Okay, all right.
AMY VELESKA: Thank you. I'm going to go freshen up now.
ANGELA: Mhm.
HODGINS: Okay. Booth just told me Brennan thinks Hank was murdered, so he helped her steal the body so Cam could take it back to the Jeffersonian to have a look.
(Cut to: Parlor)
ANGELA: Hey, you stole the body?
BOOTH: No, no, no, no, we didn't steal it. You see, we-we borrowed it, okay? Cam and Bones think he was translated.
ANGELA: Wh-what?
BOOTH: Translated. It's code for "murder." That's how we're saying it today: translated.
ANGELA: O- Okay, what if somebody looks in the coffin? That's exactly why I'm here.
(The door opens and Hanks mother, Anne Reilly, enters)
ANGELA: Oh, hi, Mrs. Reilly.
ANNE REILLY: Uh, would you excuse me, please? I... I have a few private things to say to my son before he's cremated.
BOOTH: That's - uh - really not a great idea right now, ma'am.
ANNE REILLY:Why?
BOOTH: Well, there's a...
ANGELA: The-The fact is, um, the undertaker...Uh, he didn't graduate at the top of his class, so...
ANNE REILLY: But I just saw Hank earlier.
ANGELA: Yes. Yes, you did, um, but the-the putty that they use to fill in the face has sort of... melted, and, um, his nose is sort of going to the side. Uh, and his hair is like Hitler.
BOOTH: Hitler.
ANNE REILLY: Hitler?
ANGELA: Listen, I really think it would be best if you let Mr. Tung fix him up before you see your son.
(Barney enters)
BARNEY REILLY: There you are.
ANNE REILLY: Oh, turn around, Barney. We can't see Hank. Not like this.
BARNEY REILLY: Like what?
ANNE REILLY: Like Hitler.
BARNEY REILLY: What?
ANNE REILLY: Please! We're going! Now!
BARNEY REILLY: Have you been drinking?
ANNE REILLY: No.
BRENNAN: These fractures were definitely not caused by CPR. The breaks are more randomly located, and suggest a sharper impact than a hard push.
CAM: Yes. He was stabbed. You can see the entry wounds hidden behind trocar buttons. 13 in total. Each one sealing up a cutaneous puncture site, each one caused by a weapon three-eighths of an inch in diameter. Most likely...this: standard medical trocar, used in arterial embalming.
BRENNAN: Could it just be a poor job of embalming?
CAM: Impossible. Over half of these are nowhere near a vein. Hank was stabbed seven times with a trocar while he was still alive.
BRENNAN: So, Hank Reilly had a heart attack, was declared dead by the paramedics and the medical examiner, and then sent to an undertaker...
CAM: Where he was stabbed to death.
(Cut to: Booth's Car. Booth, Angela & Franklin are watching Brennan & Cam at the lab)
BOOTH: You see, what I have here, Franklin, is a real-time video link to the Jeffersonian forensic lab. Huh, so, say hi.
CAM: Hello. I'm Dr. Camille Saroyan. I'm not sure we met.
FRANKLIN TUNG: That's Mr. Reilly!
BRENNAN: Why did you hide all these stab wounds?
FRANKLIN TUNG: It's my job to make the body presentable. I did my job. I did my job. I did my job!
BOOTH: Okay, look Mr. Tung, what we need to know is who stabbed Hank Reilly?
FRANKLIN TUNG: I did! It was me.
BOOTH: You stabbed the corpse?
FRANKLIN TUNG: It's crazy. This whole thing is totally crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. I did acid in high school, and it's probably why I'm not a doctor.
BOOTH: Okay, listen. Just relax. Just tell me what happened, okay?
FRANKLIN TUNG: It was late. Everyone had gone home, and the body had just come in. I had cleaned and disinfected him, and was about to administer the pre-injection to flush his veins before I began the arterial embalming. I went in through the right femoral artery. And suddenly - WHAM - His eyes opened. His body jerks up and spasms.
CAM: You panicked and stabbed him?
FRANKLIN TUNG: It was a reflex. I...Have you seen those zombie movies? They can really warp you.
BOOTH: Okay, you watched zombie movies on acid?
FRANKLIN TUNG: I was scared.
CAM: I get it. Sometimes I'm here in the middle of the night, and I swear I see one of these bodies move. (they all look at her like she's crazy too.) Let me just say, I totally get that.
BOOTH: Okay, guys, listen, was Hank Reilly dead or alive?
CAM: It wasn't a full autopsy. No need, because he was declared dead by the hospital. Cause seemed reasonable, so the ME just signed off on it.
FRANKLIN TUNG: Can I go?
BOOTH: No. You can't go.
BOOTH: Listen, Cam, how is it that a guy can appear dead to two sets of medical professionals?
BRENNAN: There are several forms of paralysis which mimic death.
CAM: Embalming would have destroyed any trace of paralytic toxins in his system. Except..a trace amount of the toxin may still be found in the vitreous humor of the eye.
(Cam grabs a needle and inserts it into the corpse - Booth closes the screen)
BOOTH: All right, let's go You can go. Come on. Out.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. Brennan and Cam are at the lab)
CAM: Vitreous humor tests positive for tetrodotoxin. One hundred times more lethal than potassium cyanide. Naturally occurring.
BRENNAN: But he wasn't dead.
CAM: Yet. That occurs anywhere from 20 minutes to eight hours after ingestion. Until then, heart and respiratory rates mimic death. Tung hits a nerve while tapping the femoral, Reilly bolts up, still in a coma.
BRENNAN: And Franklin Tung stabs and kills him.
CAM: But somebody else poisoned him first.
(Cut to: Parlor. Brennan is filling the group in on their findings)
BRENNAN: Hank Reilly was in a paralytic state mimicking death when Franklin Tung inserted the trocar, causing Hank Reilly to spasm in such a way that he actually sat up on the embalming table.
BOOTH: Ah, so technically, Franklin Tung committed manslaughter, while somebody else committed attempted murder?
HODGINS: What did you find at the lab?
BOOTH: Tetrus hydrogen.
BRENNAN: Tetrodotoxin.
BOOTH: That's what I said!
HODGINS: Tetrodotoxin does have limited medical uses as a treatment for some cardiac arrhythmias.
BRENNAN: Hank had a congenital heart condition.
BOOTH: So is this tetrahockalin thing common?
BRENNAN & HODGINS: Tetrodotoxin.
BOOTH: That's what I said.
HODGINS: It's a controlled substance.
BRENNAN: Angela, maybe you could access the FDC database, see if Hank was ever prescribed tetrodotoxin.
ANGELA: I need a computer.
BOOTH: Use mine. Come on, in the car. Come on. Come on. Come on. Okay.
BOOTH: Anybody comes in here, do not let them look in that casket. Do you understand? All right?
(Cut to: Angela and Booth in Booth's Car)
ANGELA: So, while I'm in here, you mind if I erase a few parking tickets?
BOOTH: No, I'll tell you what. You know, I'm not gonna relax until we get Hank's body back in that casket. All right?
ANGELA: Here's something.
BOOTH: What?
ANGELA: Three milligrams of tetrodotoxin was delivered to the Jeffersonian three weeks ago.
BOOTH: Wait a second. Hank had his heart medicine delivered to work?
ANGELA: Uh, no. It wasn't Hank. Delivery was accepted by Dr. Jonah Amayo in Caribbean Studies.
(Cut to: Hallway inside the residence. Booth and Brennan run into Dr. Amayo)
BRENNAN: Oh, Dr. Amayo, I'd like you to meet my associate, Seeley Booth.
DR. JONAH AMAYO: I'm aware, Dr. Brennan. The two of you are fairly well known.
BOOTH: Right. Dr. Brennan tells me the Jeffersonian is shutting down your department after this quarter.
DR. JONAH AMAYO: I'm sure you've heard of this thing called the economy which is in another thing called the toilet.
BRENNAN: You were going to have to report to Hank Reilly?
BOOTH: Until he died, and everything went back to normal.
DR. JONAH AMAYO: You think I'm happy Hank died? He was my best friend.
BRENNAN: Why did you order three milligrams of tetrodotoxin?
DR. JONAH AMAYO: Why are you interrogating me?
BOOTH: I work with the FBI. See, that's what I do.
SWEETS: Hey, where have you guys been?
BOOTH: Not now, Sweets, please.
BRENNAN: Your field is the anthropological study of Caribbean culture. How does a Class 1 neurotoxin assist with that?
SWEETS: Oh, I got it! Uh, neurotoxins are widely believed to cause the trance state in reported cases of Haitian zombism. Am I right? I'm right, right?
BRENNAN: Zombies? There are no such things as zombies; just an island superstition.
DR. JONAH AMAYO: And now you've managed to insult an entire culture and their belief system.
BOOTH: She does that to everyone.
SWEETS: Dr. Amayo's work in voodoo and Santeria is fascinating. And a little scary.
DR. JONAH AMAYO: You, you people need to work on your small talk skills. Excuse me.
SWEETS: Whoa, what was that all about?
HODGINS: Fugu.
SWEETS: That's really not very nice.
HODGINS: Tetrodotoxin is biologically derived from tetraodontidae. Puffer fish.
BOOTH: So... what?
BRENNAN: It's a Japanese delicacy known as "fugu."
HODGINS: Hank Reilly had sushi for lunch at a place called Sushi Momo. King of the Funeral!
BOOTH: Right.
(Cut to: Parlor. Booth handcuffs Franklin to the casket)
BOOTH: So, nobody looks inside the casket. Okay, Mr. Tung?
FRANKLIN TUNG: How do I do that?
BOOTH: Just, um...Well, Bones, how does he do that?
BRENNAN: Say someone enters and desires to gaze upon the visage of their dead relative one more time in a vain effort to say good-bye to someone who can neither see nor hear them because there's no such thing as a soul or spirit....
BOOTH: Bones, Bones, Bones, just give him a reason not to show the body.
BRENNAN: "We are encountering fluid seepage at the moment and the body is not available for viewing just now."
FRANKLIN TUNG: I would never phrase it that way.
BOOTH: I know, it's perfect! It's so gross!
(Brennan's phone rings)
BRENNAN: Brennan.
(Cam is on the phone at the Jeffersonian)
CAM: I'm done. I'm going to need some transport for me and my friend.
BRENNAN: (to Cam) What friend?
CAM: I meant Hank. I was being oblique.
BRENNAN: Oh, right after we get back from sushi.
CAM: "Sushi"? You're going for sushi?!
BOOTH: Bones!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: Sushi Momo)
BOOTH: So do you serve puffer fish?
BRENNAN: Fugu.
TRACI NISHIMURA: Blowfish? No, we aren't licensed.
BRENNAN: We're investigating a tetrodotoxin poisoning.
BOOTH: Fugu.
TRACI NISHIMURA: We do not serve fugu. I promise. Did someone die who ate at my restaurant?
BRENNAN: Dr. Hank Reilly.
TRACI NISHIMURA: Hank? He just had lunch with us the other day.
BRENNAN:Do you know who he ate lunch with?
TRACI NISHIMURA: It was a woman. She told him something, and he got very upset.
BOOTH: Can you tell us anything else about her?
TRACI NISHIMURA: Not really. She had a haircut like Cleopatra.
(Cut to: Parlor. Franklin is trying to get out of the handcuffs.)
SWEETS: Excuse me. I'm, uh, I'm looking for my friends.
FRANKLIN TUNG: I apologize, but we are encountering some slight fluid seepage at the moment, and the body will not be available for viewing just now.
SWEETS: Sir...I'm a trained psychologist; you're obviously under a lot of strain.
FRANKLIN TUNG: You might say that.
SWEETS: You know, dealing with grief and loss every day can take its toll.
FRANKLIN TUNG: You have no idea.
SWEETS: In some cases, one might even take responsibility for the death, as if it were their own fault.
FRANKLIN TUNG: Are you messing with me?
SWEETS: No. No, no. I'm just saying I understand. Human behavior can surprise us all. You might think that you have everything under control, and then, boom, blindsided by the unknown.
FRANKLIN TUNG: Totally.
SWEETS: It's perfectly natural. Okay, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
FRANKLIN TUNG: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
SWEETS: Were you very close to the deceased?
FRANKLIN TUNG: Yeah, but...I'm a lot closer to his wife.
(Cut to: Booth and Brennan, outside the Reilly Residence)
BRENNAN: We'll be there as soon as we can.
CAM: Everybody was all "Hurry up, Cam." Now, I'm twiddling my thumbs here with a stolen body. I can't lug him back on my own.
BOOTH: We'll come and get you right after we talk to Cleopatra.
(Cut to: funeral home)
BOOTH: Have you seen the woman that looks like Cleopatra?
SWEETS: What's going on? What's - I sense that you two are holding something back. (Brennan and Booth look like they're about to protest) Yes. Yes. You are.
BRENNAN: Okay, we stole Hank's body in order to confirm that he was murdered..
BOOTH: Translated.
BRENNAN: ...translated.
SWEETS: You're totally yanking my chain.
BOOTH: No. The undertaker stabbed him.
SWEETS: Wait, the same undertaker that's been telling everyone that the body's been leaking?
BOOTH: Mhmm.
SWEETS: Okay, I may have told him that murder's nothing to worry about. I didn't... I didn't know.
BOOTH: Oh, that's great. You know what? If you want to help out, go find Hodgins, bring him back to the lab, get the body and bring it back into the casket without anyone noticing it.
SWEETS: Wait. What?! Why?
BRENNAN: So that the poisoner doesn't figure out what we're up to and run away.
SWEETS: There's a poisoner and a stabber?
BOOTH: Shh! Shh! Stop. Shut up! Shh!
SWEETS: Sorry. I'm sorry.
BOOTH: All right? Stop.
SWEETS: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
BOOTH: Go.
(Cut to: Inside the Rielly House. Booth & Brennan are looking into the kitchen at a woman who looks like Cleopatra.)
BOOTH: Can you get lost?
BRENNAN: Why?
BOOTH: I can be devastatingly charming if you aren't watching me.
BRENNAN: Oh. Okay.
(Brennan leaves and Booth enters the kitchen, where Erin Miller - the Reilly Estate Lawyer, is.
BOOTH: We haven't really met. I don't know too many people around here.
ERIN MILLER: I'm Erin Miller.
BOOTH: Hey, Seeley Booth.
ERIN MILLER: I'm the Reilly family's estate lawyer.
BOOTH: Oh...right, right. You mind?
ERIN MILLER: Sure.
BOOTH: You had lunch with Hank the day that he died. That must have been terrible.
ERIN MILLER: Yeah. It was terrible. It wasn't a very pleasant lunch.
BOOTH: You guys argued?
ERIN MILLER: Yeah, but, you know, not personally. Lawyer stuff. I can't really discuss it.
BOOTH: No, no, of course not. But you do know that, uh, professional arguments don't count in a situation like this.
ERIN MILLER: They don't?
BOOTH: No. If it was just business, there's nothing to be guilty about. Hank would totally understand.
ERIN MILLER: Well, thank you, Mr. Booth.
BOOTH: You're welcome.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab.)
SWEETS: Wow. He's really dead.
CAM: That happens here - in the autopsy room.
HODGINS: Hey, bud, someday you'll have your last lunch, too.
SWEETS: Yeah, but the thing is, they don't usually look like people after you get your hands on them.
CAM: Thank you so much. Okay, ready? One, two, three. ( they lift the corpse onto the gurney) By the way, Hank wasn't killed by his lunch.
HODGINS: What? Wait, it wasn't the fugu in his hand roll?
CAM: No. Toxin slowed his digestion, and the remains were well preserved by the formaldehyde and ethanol. Tuna, salmon, yellow tail, and eel cut roll.
HODGINS: Really? What did he have for breakfast?
SWEETS: His wife said Hank didn't eat breakfast, just a cup of tea.
CAM: Well, I did find some stray tea leaves. His strainer must not have worked very well.
SWEETS: He still has a face. He's smiling. A bit too much, maybe.
CAM: Hey, I'm a pathologist, not an undertaker. I did the best I could. Adjust his smile; be my guest.
HODGINS: If there wasn't any sign of poison in the food in his stomach, then it had to have come from his morning tea.
CAM: Probably the best way to deliver poison.
(Cut to: funeral parlor. Everyone is standing around in the Family Room singing "Amazing Grace".)
BOOTH: See, Cleopatra there is the, uh, family estate lawyer. She handles the mother's will.
BRENNAN: She argued with Hank Reilly at his last lunch.
BOOTH: Mm-hmm. Business. My guess: problems with the will.
BRENNAN: Oh, you mean, because the old lady is so close to death?
BOOTH: Yeah, it's not the nicest way of putting it, Bones, but yeah.
BRENNAN: Well, look at her, Booth. It's amazing that she can still stand.
BOOTH: There are two heirs to the money when she dies. There's Hank and his brother, Barney.
BRENNAN: Oh, do you think Barney killed Hank?
BOOTH: Why don't you go ask him?
BRENNAN: Why? Is it because I'm an attractive and sexy, young woman who will loosen his tongue?
BOOTH: Oh, definitely, of course there's that. But also, he wants you to publish his book. Go ahead.
(Brennan goes over by Barney and starts singing Amazing Grace)
BRENNAN: "...I'm found. Was blind but now I see."
BARNEY REILLY: What a lovely voice you have, Dr. Brennan.
BRENNAN: Yes, I know. Please call me Temperance. So, um... tell me about your book.
BARNEY REILLY: Well, Temperance, uh...the latest one is called "Dark Tactical". A real nail-biter. A deadly game of cat-and-mouse between two SWAT guys. One's good; the other isn't. Does that sound like something you'd be interested in presenting to your publisher?
BRENNAN: No.
BARNEY REILLY: Too edgy, huh?
BRENNAN: (Booth clears his throat as a hint) The concept is contrived and tired. (Booth coughs louder) That's what my publisher would say, but in reality, it's...
BARNEY REILLY: Too edgy?
BRENNAN: Too ed... yes. Perhaps you should publish your novel yourself?
BARNEY REILLY: Well, I can't afford that.
BRENNAN: You have an inheritance coming.
BARNEY REILLY: Well, that's true. The whole thing, too.
BRENNAN: You mean instead of splitting it with Hank?
BARNEY REILLY: Splitting it? Oh, you mean in half? No way. Me and Hank were stepbrothers. Hardly any of it was coming to me. 90% was going to Hank and Helen. Nothing Mom could do about it either.
BRENNAN: What about now?
BARNEY REILLY: Well, half to Helen, half to me. (then the realization hits) I can publish my book. To Hank Reilly.
(Cut to: Helen and Amy arguing)
HELEN REILLY: Admit it. Just admit it!
AMY VELESKA: Helen, please.
HELEN REILLY: Stop this. Don't you call me "Helen," you little tramp. I am Mrs. Reilly to you. Mrs. Hank Reilly.
AMY VELESKA: Please. Hank is gone.
HELEN REILLY: I know he's gone! He was my husband! Which is why I am Mrs. Hank's Reilly, and you are Mr. Hank's skank.
AMY VELESKA: Then show him some respect for once in your life!
BRENNAN: (to Booth) What is going on?
BOOTH: Just normal funeral stuff.
HELEN REILLY: Oh, so you respected my husband, is that it?
(Hodgins walks over to the window and sees Cam and Sweets bringing back the body)
AMY VELESKA: Of course I respected him.
HELEN REILLY: I see. And exactly how many times a week did you respect him?
AMY VELESKA: This is not the time nor the place, Helen.
HELEN REILLY: Get out of my house. Go back to your one-bedroom brothel and die.
(Cut to: Parlor. Hodgins runs in the room and opens the window to help to get the body back in.)
CAM: Okay. Go, go, go.
HODGINS: Come on. Come on. Come on.
CAM: Get his legs.
Sweets: Okay.
CAM: Okay.
SWEETS: Got 'em?
HODGINS: Down, down.
CAM: Shh, shh, shh. Good.
HODGINS: Can you do this without me?
SWEETS: What?
CAM: Why?
HODGINS: (points to Franklin) Yeah, he'll help you.
(The body falls over)
(Cut to: Family Room. Helen & Amy are still going at it.)
HELEN REILLY: You were nothing to him.
AMY VELESKA: Then why did he want to make love to me and not you?
BARNEY REILLY: Hank, you are my hero.
BOOTH: Hey, how about a little help here? Seriously, you really want to watch them fight? Hey, hold it, hey, hey! Come on, easy. Hold it! Hold it! Hold it. Do you think this is the way Hank would want to see his wake end? No. This isn't about you or you or you or you. This is about him. It's about Hank. You think he'd want to see this?
BARNEY REILLY: I'm pretty sure he would, especially if they were in Jell-O.
BOOTH: He wouldn't want to see us fight. He'd want us to... sing.
(Booth starts singing "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" - everyone starts in singing with him)
BOOTH: Swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me - Hank - home. Swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me home.
(Cut to: Kitchen. Brennan & Hodgins are looking for tea bags)
BRENNAN: Only loose tea? No bags?
HODGINS: No bags. Cam found loose tea leaves in the stomach contents.
BRENNAN: Here's another one. Malty Orange Assam.
HODGINS: Throw it in there. We'll test it for the fugu poison.
(Cut to: Family Room. Booth is still leading everyone in song - but now they're all dancing too. Everyone is getting into it - even Booth.)
BOOTH: Comin' for to carry Hank home.
ERIN MILLER: Sing it, brother.
BOOTH: Oh, my friends, I'll be coming to ya soon..
EVERYONE: Comin' for to carry me. Hey, hey. Swing low, sweet chariot...
(Cut to: Kitchen. Brennan & Hodgins.)
BRENNAN: Okay.
(They test another type of tea - and the liquid turns purple)
BRENNAN: Hank Reilly was killed by a cup of tea.
(Cut to: Parlor. Cam adjusts Hank's smile.)
CAM: Do you think he's smiling too much? I think he just looks like he's enjoying the party.
FRANKLIN TUNG: His funeral? Where are his glasses?
CAM: He wore glasses? Oh, God.
ERIN MILLER: Before I leave, could I say a little something to Hank now?
SWEETS: Yeah, sure. Step right on up.
ERIN MILLER: He looks...Happy. (to Franklin) You did a wonderful job.
FRANKLIN TUNG: Thank you.
(Cut to: Dining room. Booth & Brennan are questioning Helen.)
HELEN REILLY: How should I know what kind of tea Hank drank that morning?
BRENNAN: You said you brewed it for him every day, part of your routine.
HELEN REILLY: That was in the eulogy speech. No one tells the truth in a eulogy speech.
BOOTH: All right, well, then who did make his tea?
HELEN REILLY: Hank did it himself. The water had to be the perfect temperature. Hank was very particular about his tea. If there's nothing else, I'm exhausted.
(Cut to: Booth's car. He's driving everyone back from the wake.)
BOOTH: His wife was cheating on him.
BRENNAN: He cheated on her.
BOOTH: The assistant is still in play.
BRENNAN: What about the lawyer?
BOOTH: Oh, she seemed very nice. (Brennan gives him a look.) Yeah, all right. So we are far from an arrest here. Understand, people?
BRENNAN: Well, at least we got Franklin Tung.
BOOTH: He didn't mean to kill anyone.That's the... Cam? You here?
CAM: What? I'm sorry. This smoking thing with Michele...How do people be parents?
BOOTH: Do you ever think that this is her way of trying to stop you from smoking?
BRENNAN: No - Cam doesn't smoke, right?
BOOTH: You stop, she'll stop. It's that simple. Plus, you know what? She's doing you a favor.
CAM: Great, so I go from a smoking issue to a chocolate cake and ice cream issue?
BOOTH: You know what? You just... you give your best shot and that's all.
BRENNAN: Nobody knows about the poison in the tea except us, right?
BOOTH: The murderer does.
BRENNAN: When crops failed, the ancient Pothigai in southern India believed that one of them might be possessed by an evil spirit. They would find out which one by passing around a poison which would kill only demons. The person who refused to drink the poison was proven possessed.
CAM: Okay, is this another way to get me to quit smoking? Because it's done. I quit.
BOOTH: You know what? You are a genius, Bones. Absolute genius!
BRENNAN: I know.
(Cut to: Graveyard. Hank's Funeral)
PREIST: ..and though the human remains of Henry Reilly will not physically rest here, his soul will remain with the generations of his family here and in heaven.
BRENNAN: Oh, I'd like to add something. I missed my chance at the wake. I'd like to make up for it.
PRIEST: No objections from the family?
BRENNAN: Hank Reilly specialized in Egyptian embalming rituals and practices. He was an expert in grieving. (the rest of the group starts handing out cups to the people at the funeral and fills then with tea) Hank would appreciate nothing more than the most common of funerary practices: the raising of a glass. It's not alcohol, but an even more ancient drink: tea. Hank's greatest passion, aside from s*x. I took the liberty of bringing this tea from Hank's personal stash. The same tea he drank on his last day with all of us. I can think of no better way of saying "adieu" than to share one last cup of tea with Hank. (she raises her glass) To Hank.
ALL: To Hank.
ANNE REILLY: No!
(She knocks the cup out of Barney's hand)
BARNEY REILLY: Mom, watch what you're doing!
BOOTH: You poisoned your own son?
BARNEY REILLY: What? Mom, what's going on?
ANNE REILLY: He wasn't my son. It wasn't fair of your father. He work it so you got nothing. He got everything.
ERIN MILLER:You killed Hank? Oh, this is my fault.
CAM: Oh, God. This is why I hate funerals.
ANGELA: This is why I love them.
ERIN MILLER: I told Hank that Annie was trying to get around the will by siphoning money into a separate trust for Barney. But it was illegal.
ANNE REILLY: If you'd kept your nosy trap shut, Hank would still be alive. (Talking to the headstone) Bob, this is all your fault. You brought this on yourself. Do what you're going to do. What's the worst that could happen?
(Cut to: Graveyard - 5 Day Later. They're standing in front of a grave - ANNE REILLY)
BARNEY REILLY: Oh, Mom, Mom, Mom...
BOOTH: One thing for sure, Barney, your mother loved you.
BRENNAN: She used her own heart medicine to kill your brother, so you would get your fair share. She mixed it in his tea.
BARNEY REILLY: And she died because she ran out of her medicine killing him. Oh, Ma...I would've done fine. Hank, I didn't want the money this way. I know you would have done right by me.
(Brennan is looking up at the sky and looks like she might start in about something...)
BOOTH: (mouthing) Bones, don't.
BARNEY REILLY: I know it.
BOOTH: (mouthing) Bones...
BARNEY REILLY: Would you excuse me, please?
BOOTH: Of course.
(Booth & Brennan walk away.)
BOOTH: He wants to be alone with his mother and brother.
BRENNAN: By that way of thinking, he wants to be alone with every person who has ever died.
BOOTH: If I die, I want you to do me a favor.
BRENNAN: Well, you will die, Booth. It's inevitable.
BOOTH: All right, whatever, Bones. When I inevitably drop dead before you, I'd like you to come out and, you know, spend some time and talk to me every once in a while.
BRENNAN: Well, I'll feel foolish knowing that you can't hear me.
BOOTH: Promise me.
BRENNAN: I promise.
BOOTH: Hey! There you go, huh? Hey, you agreed. I didn't think you would agree. Now, why did you agree?
BRENNAN: I believe that if I pretended you were still here, I'd feel better for a moment. Also, speaking to you would require me to figuratively look at myself through your eyes - again temporarily - and I think that would make me live my life more successfully.
BOOTH: Hmm, you know what, Bones? That is the best thing that anyone has ever said about me.
BRENNAN: I'll say it at your wake.
BOOTH: Oh, it's raining now. Come on. Get under the umbrella. It's raining. Just make sure when they put me in the ground, I'm dead.
BRENNAN: Yeah, no problem.
BOOTH: All right? Maybe, ah, you know, leave my body out for a few hours and check on me every once in a while.
BRENNAN: No. I'd rather refrigerate you, or else you'd start to smell.
END. | Plan: A: the Jeffersonian's Egyptology department; Q: Where is the colleague who dies from heart failure from? A: Brennan; Q: Who convinced Booth to steal the body of a colleague? A: the death; Q: What does Brennan realize was not an accident? A: a front; Q: What do the Jeffersonian team put on to deflect suspicion? A: trouble; Q: What does Cam run into when she tries to get Michelle to stop smoking? A: Michelle; Q: Who is the teenager that Cam tries to get to stop smoking? Summary: When a colleague from the Jeffersonian's Egyptology department dies of heart failure, Brennan realizes at the wake that the death was not an accident. Brennan convinces Booth to steal the body and sneak it back to the Jeffersonian so she and Cam can investigate while the rest of the team put on a front to deflect suspicion. Cam runs into trouble when she attempts to get Michelle, her newly adopted teenager, to stop smoking. |
CAPTION : 1965, Scotland
EXT COUNTRY ROAD NIGHT
A 1960s bus drives along in the gathering dark with headlights glowing. Close up on one child, blond boy. Child stares out of rain covered window.
INT BUS NIGHT
Child looks around into the bus. He's silent. Kids in era appropriate clothing sit and talk to each other.
GIRL (quiet under music) : Why am I talking ?
EXT DARK COUNTRY NIGHT
Bus stops. Children get out. Look around. Ominous music is ominous.Children walk forwards as a group. Blond boy hangs back. Bright light ! Very bright, ahead of them. They stop and look. Start walking again. Leave blond boy behind. Blond boy walks forwards, looks back, light behind him. Long shot : One adult figure stands in front of the bus, the light glows ahead and the children walk into it. Light flares.
FADE TO WHITE
OPENING CREDITS
Next sequence is a lot of fast cuts and talking over different pictures. Takes longer to read than view. EXT DAY Cardiff from above Cardiff bay from the air. Millennium Centre and the Plas and all showing.
Caption says : CARDIFF EXT DAY A Cardiff clock tower A location and time stamp : It is 0840. EXT DAY Cardiff city street Gwen Cooper at a cash point. Close up on Gwen, voices start out of view.
MOTHER (OS) : Come on, Tyler. Tyler, just stop it. Gwen looks around.
MOTHER : I haven't got time to muck around. A mother stands in front of a young boy in school uniform. He stares into space, she tells him off. Close up and he's staring straight forward, not responding to anything.
MOTHER : Tyler ! All right, I'll just leave you there. Gwen at the cash point grins.
MOTHER : Is that what you want ? If I just leave you ? In the middle of town ?
FATHER : Suzette ! Suzette. We're going to be late. Gwen looks in the opposite direction. Different parent and child there, exact same reactions, angry parent and frozen child.
MOTHER (VO) : Come on then, come on.
FATHER : Suzette ! Stop it, you're just looking silly, d'you want other people to see you, looking silly ? INT DAY Davies house Laundry basket fills screen, then Rhiannon carries it past to kitchen, busy. She hasn't noticed yet : Two children, blue school uniforms, boy David and girl Mica, sit staring straight ahead and unresponsive. Kitchen table, plastic cover, breakfast food, Coco Pops ad with the monkey showing, nobody moving to eat.
RHIANNON DAVIES : If he gives you any more trouble, your dad's going round his house to punch his face in. I'll punch his bloody mother. Have you got that, David ? INT DAY Frobisher house Man comes down stairs talking, busy.
JOHN FROBISHER : I've booked the car for 7.30, but I might have to leave it on standby. Walks into kitchen of rather more expensive décor. He talks to a woman, neither notices the kids. Two girls in green school uniforms, sitting staring and not eating.
FROBISHER : If Baxter starts talking, he never stops, so I can't guarantee what time. I'll tell you what, I'll send you a text when I'm on the motorway. He walks past and two girls seen clearly, along with orange juice, coffee, teapot, jam, bowl of fruit. They pay no attention to any of it, stare. Close up, not blinking. INT DAY Carter house Woman walks in background, camera goes close up on child, red uniform, staring straight ahead.
ALICE CARTER : Steven ! If you leave the front door open, those cats are going to get in. Silent staring.
ALICE : Darling, don't just stand there, you're gonna be late. He's standing in the front doorway, not moving.
ALICE : Steven. Nothing.
ALICE : Steven ? EXT DAY Cardiff street at school crossing Still kids stand in front of a truck. Middle of the road.
RHYS WILLIAMS : Stop playing games ! Get out of the way ! Rhys in the truck. Kids in the road. And the pavement. Lollipop lady outside a school, and every kid in sight is still, every adult baffled. Car horns blare.
RHYS : Oi ! I said bloody shift, man ! EXT DAY Davies house Council house establishing shot.
RHIANNON (VO) : David ? Are you listening to me ? INT DAY Davies house Kids still staring.
RHIANNON : Mica ? Oi, you two ! Look at me ! Rhiannon looks but no response. INT DAY Carter house Same freeze... then blink. Kid starts moving.
STEVEN CARTER : See ya then ! EXT DAY Cardiff street school crossing Everyone moves again. Run to cross road. Rhys does incredulous : Ha ! INT DAY Davies house Kids unfreeze, Rhiannon goes back to laundry.
DAVID DAVIES : And you can shut up an' all, you were the one crying, you were like a baby, I seen you.
MICA DAVIES : Was not.
DAVID : Was.
MICA : Was not. INT DAY Frobisher house
ANNA FROBISHER : You two, you're gonna be late.
HOLLY FROBISHER : We're going ! Look !
LILLY FROBISHER : I'm going round to Polly's later, see ya, bye ! EXT DAY Cardiff street with the cash point again
TYLER : What ?
MOTHER : You are pushing it, you are, young man. Come on ! They walk off. Back of Gwen's stylish black leather jacket. She's walking off. Suzette and her father walk past. Gwen looks back. Close on Suzette's hair. After this the credits are over and it calms down, not so many cuts. EXT DAY Cardiff bay outside the tourist door Gwen walking along on the water level, talking to a bloke up at the railing level.
GWEN : All right, Glyn ? What's occurring ?
GLYN : I've been watching the bay. No sea monsters.
GWEN : Ah, still early. Gwen goes in the Tourist office door. INT HUB Main area Dark. Only light comes through the cog door as it rolls open or up through red emergency lights or alien whatsits.
GWEN : Anyone in ? Goes to switch near cog cage, lights on. Wide shot reveal of the Hub. Looking good. Lots of levels, mysterious windows, Torchwood on the wall.
GWEN : You two having shenanigans in the dark ? Jack ? Gwen goes to her desk. There's a picture of Tosh and Owen, well worn, taped to her desk. She touches Owen's nose and greets them.
GWEN : Morning.
Computer makes noises. Searching : Children. Search progress bar, fastest you've ever seen. Says Crimint. Emergency services. Government information network. Hospital records. Local Authorities. INT DAY Hospital A&E Busy running doctors.
RUPESH PATANJALI : Clear ! And again !
MALE VOICE : Charging 200.
RUPESH : Clear ! Monitor Flatlines.
RUPESH : I think we should call it, everyone agree ? OK. Time of death, 09.17. Sally, I can leave it with you, yeah ? I'll go and tell them. Follow him to a different area of the hospital. Familiar backs ! Captain coat and stylish suit.
RUPESH : I'm sorry. Jack and Ianto turn around. Anxious face !
RUPESH : We did everything we could, but he didn't make it.
JACK : Oh, that's a shame.
IANTO : Very sad.
JACK : Poor old Mr Williams.
IANTO : Very sad indeed.
RUPESH : There'll have to be an autopsy, but I'd say his heart gave out.
IANTO : Brave old heart.
RUPESH : You were neighbours, is that right ?
JACK : We live next door.
IANTO : He's got no family to speak of. All on his own. We'd just keep an eye on him, you know.
RUPESH : Well, I'm sure he appreciated it. If only there were more like (pause) you two in the world.
JACK : I know it's an imposition, but with us being such good neighbours... Can we see the body ? INT DAY Hospital Different bit, curtain drawn aside, dead dude under a sheet.
JACK : Bless him.
IANTO : God rest his soul.
JACK : Say, d'you think we could, er... ? Just on our own, um...
RUPESH : Course you can. Just come and find me, once you're done. And I'm sorry for your loss.
JACK : Thank you. Curtain closes... and sad faces vanish. Springing into sneaky action ! Actions not matching words. Ianto having relationship talk while Jack uncovers the corpse and Ianto unpacks the toolkit.
IANTO : He thought we were together. Like a couple. He said, "You two". The way he said it, huh. "You two".
JACK : Well, we are. Does it matter ?
IANTO : I dunno, it's all a bit new to me, that's all. Laser saw.
JACK : Thank you. Shudder inducing laser cut into the guy's abdomen. With gaping wound.
JACK : Tongs.
IANTO : Tongs. Jack sticks tongs in a dead guy.
JACK : Almost... Ianto looks around.
JACK : ...got it. Curtains whip open.
RUPESH : Sorry, one more th... The look on Ianto's face is priceless.
RUPESH : ...ing... Jack whips out a gross blobby organic sack thing.
JACK : There !
RUPESH : What ? Shock face !
JACK : Now, look at it, that's not human, is it, does that look human ? No, it does not. It's just a hitchhiker he picked up, it didn't kill him.
IANTO : Some say they're positively beneficial, they release endorphins into the bloodstream. He died a happy man. And I've got Tupperware.
JACK : And we're very considerate, we don't leave any mess. Laser saw uncuts, seals up the gaping great wound.
JACK : Thank you very much. Whoosh past and away.
IANTO : We'll just get out of your way. Leaves, past still frozen with his mouth open Dr. Patanjali.
RUPESH : Wait a minute, wait a minute ! EXT DAY Cardiff outside hospital Dr Rupesh is running after them still in hospital scrubs. Jack and Ianto stride off unworried.
RUPESH : Whatever it was, that was mutilation, I should report you.
JACK : Then why don't you ?
RUPESH : But that thing, what the hell was it, that hitchhiker ? SUV unlocked.
JACK : Try putting it into a report.
RUPESH : You're Torchwood ?
JACK : Never heard of 'em. While climbing into the Torchwood branded SUV with "Torchwood" written on it in big letter. Jack slams car door. Rupesh runs up and shouts through window.
RUPESH : There are bodies going missing ! Jack winds window down.
JACK : How many ?
RUPESH : This whole city talks about you.
JACK : What bodies, where ?
RUPESH : It started two months ago. Bodies, taken down to the mortuary, then the records just stop. Five of them. Five in two months. And none of them white. One of West Indian decent, one African, three Chinese, all male.
JACK : What was your name again ?
RUPESH : Rupesh. Rupesh Patanjali.
JACK : What d'you think ?
IANTO : NHS.
JACK : Yeah. Too much red tape. Sorry. But good luck with it !
And SUV drives off.
RUPESH : Don't ! Look, wait a minute ! Dr Patanjali left standing in the car park. EXT DAY London from above The Houses of Parliament and surrounds. EXT DAY London street Black car drives around a corner. Big red bus pulls up behind little red bus. Not in that American "look it's a double decker !" way but roughly the same effect. Lois Habiba gets off the bus. She's doing that half-run of I can't sprint in these heels but I need to hurry. Down the street. Black car pulls ahead. Black car pulls up outside of Impressive Doors. A black man holds the car door open and Frobisher gets out.
FROBISHER : See you.
DRIVER : Yes sir. Frobisher strolls in to the doors. Hi vis security jacket, police ? standing up straight outside. Lois Habiba hurrying fast. Goes in. INT DAY Office corridors Carpet floors, beat up wood panel walls and doors. Shiny black shoes on Frobisher as he strides along. Lois and her pointy shoes and skirt shorter than her coat hurry hurries behind him. Frobisher walks off to his right. Lois hurries off to her left... wait, back again, right. INT DAY Office with desks Frobisher walks in and sees a man in military uniform.
FROBISHER : Oh, Christ.
BRIDGET SPEARS : Good morning, sir.
FROBISHER : Morning.
COLONEL ODUYA : Morning to you, too.
BRIDGET : Colonel Oduya for you, sir. Unscheduled. I'd remind you, you've got the Category Meeting at quarter past.
FROBISHER : You'd better come through.
ODUYA : Thank you. Leads him into glass and blinds wall office, doors close.
LOIS HABIBA : I'm late ! I'm sorry ! Oh, my God, I'm really, really sorry !
BRIDGET : Good morning. Bridget Spears.
LOIS : Lois Habiba.
BRIDGET : Right. This will be your desk. INT DAY Frobisher's office Has a big arch and squares window in the back. Cage effect. Frobisher talks before he sits down.
FROBISHER : Just tell me it's something small. Tell me it's a... It's a meteorite ! Or a shadow on the moon. Just for once, tell me it's easy.
ODUYA : Might be nothing, sir. But it's my job to inform the Government, even if it turns out to be a false alarm.
FROBISHER : Then what is it ?
ODUYA : Children, sir. It's the children. INT HUB Cog door Ianto and Jack walk in, cheerful and joking.
IANTO : You are gonna get us killed !
JACK : No, you get killed, not me. You'd die like a dog, like an ugly dog ! The Torchwood sense of humour at its most refined there.
GWEN : Oi, Chuckle Brothers. I found something.
JACK : Yeah well I want a check on St Helen's Hospital specifically the morgue.
GWEN : Well There's a computer, do it yourself. Ianto chuckles. Jack takes his coat off and hands it to Ianto as Gwen talks.
GWEN : Meanwhile I've been getting reports this morning of 17 road traffic accidents, happening right across the country, all the way from Glasgow to St Ives.
JACK : Is that above average ? Jack goes to a computer and works.
GWEN : Well, they all occurred between 8.40 and 8.41. 17 road traffic accidents happening in exactly the same minute ? And every single one of them involving children. Ianto at his computer. There's three in a row now.
IANTO : That'll be the school run.
GWEN : All of them were just standing in the road. Not crossing the road, just standing. I saw it myself, Jack. Two kids on Market Street. Well, they just stopped. INT DAY Frobisher's office
ODUYA : But the accidents are just one part of a picture. Because every other child stopped at the same time. And not just in Britain.
IANTO (VO) : Same reports from France. INT HUB Computer area
IANTO : 15 road traffic accidents. All timed around 9.40. They're an hour ahead, so it was simultaneous.
GWEN : All involving children ?
IANTO : Yup. Hold on. Still Cross-referencing. Here we go. Reports coming in, RTAs in Norway. Sweden. Denmark. Luxembourg. INT DAY Frobisher's office
ODUYA : Germany. India. Egypt. Guyana. INT HUB Computer area
IANTO : Spain. Portugal. Bosnia. Tokyo. INT DAY Frobisher's office
ODUYA : Singapore. At 8.40 GMT, most of America was asleep, but even there, we're beginning to get reports. I think we can assume it's all of them, sir. As far as we can tell, at 8.40 this morning, every single child in the world stopped. INT HUB Computer area
GWEN : Seen anything like this before, Jack ?
JACK : No way. Kids ? INT DAY Frobisher's office
ODUYA : Until we receive further information, we don't know if it's extraterrestrial in origin. Though the United Nations has taken UNIT up to yellow alert, just in case.
FROBISHER : Bloody hell. Knock on door. Door opens. Lois walks in. Frobisher hurriedly changes tracks.
FROBISHER : And Colonel Mace ? How is... How is he getting on ?
ODUYA : He's fine. Lois is bringing coffee.
ODUYA : Wouldn't mind a post in Vancouver myself. Wonderful countryside, so they say.
FROBISHER : Nice for some. Pause. Stare at Lois.
LOIS : Sorry. My name's Lois, Lois Habiba. Just started today. I'm helping out Miss Spears while they introduce the new computer system.
FROBISHER : Thank you.
LOIS : Oh right. And now she leaves. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office
LOIS : All done. What's his uniform ? That's not British Army, is it ?
BRIDGET : If you could start transferring the names and addresses. Told. Lois goes to her desk. INT DAY Frobisher's office
ODUYA : You have two daughters, is that right ?
FROBISHER : Yeah. Maybe I should get them home from school.
ODUYA : I'd be careful, sir. I wouldn't do anything to draw any attention. Right now, this thing's random enough to go unnoticed, and if anyone files a news report, we'll be crushing it. But, so far, we're the only ones with the software clever enough to piece this all together. Well, us and Torchwood.
FROBISHER : D'you want me to talk to them ? They're a pain in the backside, but they can be helpful.
ODUYA : We're on to them, right now. INT HUB Jack's office Jack, seen through his window, on the phone.
JACK : OK, find out anything, let me know immediately. Lowers phone as Gwen walks in.
JACK : Of all the times for Martha Jones to go on holiday. I get Sergeant Grunt. I'm talking to a sergeant !
GWEN : Don't you dare phone her, she's on her honeymoon. What did they say ?
JACK : UNIT base in Washington has run some tests on a couple of kids. Ianto, out at his computer, grins and runs to Jack's office.
JACK : Brain scans, blood sugar, checking for radiation. Nothing.
IANTO : You were right ! He's back !
JACK : Ha ! Ha ! I said so ! Jack gets up and goes to look at the computers. Gwen trails after.
GWEN : Who's back ? Someone wearing dark trousers, tall, skinny, and a doctor. Rupesh, on the monitor, wandering the Plas.
JACK : What's he doing ?
IANTO : Waiting. Just like you said. He's been there 20 minutes.
JACK : Persistent.
IANTO : Good sign.
JACK : Dogmatic.
IANTO : Always a plus.
GWEN : Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins ! Now tell me who he is.
IANTO : Rupesh Patanjali. He saw the hitchhiker, he's the bodies-going-missing man.
JACK : Dr Patanjali. We need a doctor.
GWEN : What you let just him follow you ?
IANTO : Ask about Torchwood, and most people point towards the Bay.
GWEN : Oh. Rupesh still wandering around out there.
GWEN : You bastards, that's exactly what you did to me the first time we met ! Well, sod that, I'm promoting myself to recruitment officer ! Gwen walks off. Jack and Ianto sort of reorient so they're standing together. Camera goes further away.
IANTO : She's calling us a couple now.
JACK : What's your problem ?
IANTO : Just saying.
JACK : I hate the word "couple". Walks off.
IANTO : Me too. Woobie face of lying his arse off. Sounds like Jack shuts himself in his office. Ianto looks at the monitor again. Rupesh still there. EXT DAY Plas Roald Dahl
GWEN : Hey. Rupesh, isn't it ?
RUPESH : Yeah.
GWEN : Gwen Cooper. I'm Torchwood. EXT DAY Plas near the fountain Gwen and Rupesh seated at tables.
GWEN : Three of the bodies were Chinese ? Were they related ?
RUPESH : No, one was 27-years-old and the other two were in their 50s. But not from the same family.
GWEN : Bit odd, though, statistically. In a city this small.
RUPESH : That's what I thought. Mind you. Nothing compared to that hitchhiker.
GWEN : Freak you out ?
RUPESH : Oh, yeah !
GWEN : Yeah, me too. Apparently, anyone could have one. (Pause). Don't ! I know !
RUPESH : This place ! Ever since I moved here, it's just weird.
GWEN : Where you from then ?
RUPESH : Me ? I'm from Chesterfield. Came down here, 18 months back.
GWEN : Enjoying it ?
RUPESH : Very much, yeah.
GWEN : I bet it doesn't pay you much though.
RUPESH : Not at first. Could be worse.
GWEN : Torchwood's paid by the Crown. First pay cheque, I almost fell over. Had to hide it from my boyfriend. I was buying clothes, had to stash them under the bed.
RUPESH : What's it like, inside Torchwood, I mean, what do you do ?
GWEN : Why are you so interested ?
RUPESH : Well. From what I've heard, just sounds... I dunno.
GWEN : Exciting ?
RUPESH : I suppose.
GWEN : Glamorous ?
RUPESH : No, more, sort of... The thing is, we've all seen it now, the past few years. Alien life. Even though half the world's still denying it. For me... OK. It's the suicides. The past few years, suicide rates have doubled, and that's ever since the first alien. My first case, my first death, was a suicide. D'you know why she did it ? Cos she'd written all these letters, she'd been a Christian all her life, and then alien life appears. She wrote this bit, she said, "It's like science has won".
GWEN : Lost her faith.
RUPESH : More than that. She said she saw her place in the universe, and it was tiny. She died because she thought she was nothing.
GWEN : I went through that. Even now, I get terrified. But at the same time, it is brilliant, and, and beautiful, and completely bloody magic. It's bigger, y'know ? It's like... It's like the whole wide world is bigger. My life is bigger. She grins at him, then looks past. A mother tugs on the arm of a child, who stands stock still.
GWEN : sh1t ! Gwen gets up and runs over. Rupesh grabs his files and follows her.
MOTHER 2 : Sasha, love, come on, look, I haven't got time. I've got to be in work. GWEN (into phone but still yelling) : Jack ! Get up here ! Right now ! It's happening again ! The children ! INT HUB Computer area Jack, in coat, heads out.
JACK : They're doing it again ! Ianto falls in behind him. EXT DAY Plas
GWEN : Are you all right ?
MOTHER 2 : We're fine, she's just playing a game.
GWEN : OK.
MOTHER 2 : Now come on, sweetheart, people are staring at you ! Sasha, stop it.
Rupesh breathes hard and stares. EXT DAY Assorted Schools Children in blue uniform tops with a tower block behind them stand still in the playground. Children in red blazers with school buildings behind stand very still. Including Steven. Children at a road crossing stand still and stare. CHILDREN High-pitched screaming. EXT DAY Plas Jack and Ianto run in.
JACK : What's she doing ? What's that noise ?
GWEN : I don't know !
MOTHER 2 : Sasha ! Stop it ! Sasha ! Please help her !
RUPESH : There's another one ! Two kids in yet another different uniform, grey jumpers this time.
RUPESH : It's all right, it's all right, I'm a doctor. Ianto starts filming the kids. As you would. Screaming stops. EXT DAY Red blazers kids
STEVEN / CHILDREN : We... We... We... EXT DAY Red tops kids
CHILDREN : We... We... We... We... We... We... EXT DAY Plas
IANTO : Whoa !
CHILDREN : We are. We are. EXT DAY Red blazers kids
STEVEN / CHILDREN : We are. We are. We are. EXT DAY Blue tops kids
CHILDREN : We are coming. EXT DAY Plas
CHILDREN : We are coming.
GWEN : Oh, my God ! EXT DAY Red blazers
CHILDREN : We are coming. We are coming. We are coming. INT DAY Frobisher's office / desks outside
FROBISHER : Who's got children ? Find me a kid, find me a bloody kid, now ! INT DAY Mental hospital corridors Hospital people running. Chanting is an emergency apparently. EXT DAY Mental hospital
NURSE : He won't stop, he keeps saying the same thing, over and over. CLEMENT MAC DONALD as Timothy White : We are coming. We are coming. A nurse starts filming him.
CLEMENT : We are coming. We are coming. We are coming. We are coming. EXT DAY Plas
CHILDREN : We are coming. We are coming. We are coming.
MOTHER 2 : Sasha, please, my God !
GWEN : Who are you ? Who's coming ? Silence... Kid blinks.
SASHA : Come on then. EXT DAY Blue school Kids playing again. EXT DAY Plas Ianto and Rupesh watching.
BOY : Why is that man filming us ? Are we gonna be on telly ? EXT DAY Mental hospital Clement, uniquely, collapses after the chanting stops.
NURSE : You all right ?
CLEMENT : They've found me. EXT DAY Water outside tourist office Jack, Gwen and Ianto make dramatic dash for the office. Followed by Rupesh.
JACK : Gwen, I'll get on to the Home Office. This thing has gone public. They're gonna need us. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ! Where'd you think you're going ?
RUPESH : Um. I dunno. I could help.
JACK : Doing what ?
GWEN : You're bleeping.
RUPESH : sh1t, yeah, sorry.
JACK : Whole city's coming to a standstill, they're gonna need you in A&E.
GWEN : We'll get back to you, I promise.
RUPESH : What's in there ?
GWEN : Big science-fiction superbase. Honestly ! See ya. All in to the tourist office, door swings closed. Rupesh on his own seen through bars. He reluctantly turns and hurries away. EXT DAY London from above Establishing shot of that building opposite the London Eye that probably has a name. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher office Everyone on phones. More phones ringing. There's a mass phones thing going on. Frobisher walking and being talked at.
BRIDGET : I'm sorry, we've got no comment. Can we leave it for now ?
LOIS : I'm sorry, he's not seeing anyone at the moment.
WOMAN : The Home Secretary's demanding information, sir... and he'll liaise with UNIT.
LOIS : No, I'm sorry I don't know who that is. I'm new.
FROBISHER : Anyone else, just tell them no, Bridget. No more calls. He goes in to his office. Closes the door behind him. Bridget is being talked at by several people.
BRIDGET : Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. INT DAY Frobisher office He sits down and throws a folder down in front of him. And sits there staring. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher office Bridget gets up from her desk and goes over to Lois with a post-it.
BRIDGET : I'll have to abandon the press list, can you set up an autoreply ? You'll have to get into my account, that's the username, spears, password Hastings, capital H, rest of it lower case.
LOIS : Right. Through the office window Frobisher is doing facepalm with a possibility of headdesk. He has worried. Dekker walks in head up and confident. He interrupts at least two people clustered around Bridget's desk.
Mr DEKKER : Bridget, I want to see Mr Frobisher. Conversation stops. Pause. Bridget gets up.
BRIDGET : Will you excuse me, please. Knocks, opens office door. INT DAY Frobisher's office
BRIDGET : Sir ? He doesn't even look up.
FROBISHER : I said, no-one.
BRIDGET : Mr Dekker, sir. She gets out the way, Dekker walks in. He sits down. Frobisher only slowly looks at him.
DEKKER : Four, five, six. Frobisher face of frozen.
DEKKER : I warned you. INT HUB Computer area
JACK : Just Tell him it's Captain Jack Harkness, he'll take the call. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office
LOIS (on phone) : I'm sorry, I can't. If you could just leave your number or...
JACK (on phone) : Tell him it's Torchwood.
LOIS (on phone) : Right, and how do you spell that ? INT HUB Computer area
JACK (on phone) : You're working for the Home Office and you've never heard of Torchwood ? INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office
LOIS (on phone) : I'm new. Started today. INT HUB Computer area to Jack's office
JACK (on phone) : Just what I need ! Sorry. Not your fault. You picked a hell of a day. Listen. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office
JACK (on phone) : Just tell him Torchwood, w-o-o-d. INT HUB Jack's office
JACK (on phone) : We might be able to help, OK ? What was your name ? INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office
LOIS (on phone) : Lois, Lois Habiba. INT HUB Jack's office
JACK (on phone) : Good luck to you, Lois Habiba. Jack bleeps phone off. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office Lois looks at the phone and puts it down. Turns to computer call log system. Types in Name Captain Jack Harkness, Company Torchwood. Red flag ! Click flag : Classified Security Level Two. Post it note of convenient security breach. Lois looks at Bridget... decides to go for it. Username and password. Office door opens, Bridget looks up. Dekker leaves and Frobisher follows. Bridget looks down. Pause. Back to work.
BRIDGET : Right. Too many people here... Lois gets on with her espionage. Displayed on her monitor : Government Information Network. Torchwood. Founded by HRH Queen Victoria in 1879 its prime purpose is to defend the Earth against extraterrestrial threat. Initially established as an institute to investigate matters of the paranormal and extraterrestrial, the organisation has developed over the years in both activity and constitution and is currently operating as a remote team working from Torchwood 3, Cardiff. Funded directly and independently by the Crown, Torchwood was established by order of decree. Torchwood is not beyond the Government however, with her Majesty stating that : "Torchwood is also to administer to the Government thereof in our name, and generally to act in our name and on our behalf, subject to such orders and regulations as Torchwood shall, from time to time, receive from us through one of our Principal Secretaries of state". The Torchwood Charter, Dec 31st 1879. Lois looks shocked. Screen zoom right in on "extraterrestrial threat". In case we missed that. EXT DAY London street Same black car as earlier, BP08 XGF, probably a different corner. Frobisher driven across London. Drives past a big building on a roundabout. INT DAY Underground car park with security door Frobisher's car drives in. Police with an actual gun goes to stand in the door while it closes. INT DAY Corridor Thames House Dekker and Frobisher walk down an ordinary modern corridor.
DEKKER : Been a while since we had visitors down here. Thought you'd forgotten about us. It's hardly the glamorous side of Thames House, my little domain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT DAY Dekker's Domain Thames House Crowded with equipment, Dekker leads Frobisher to a particular area.
DEKKER : We converted the readings onto digital, years ago, but I kept the original equipment. Call it nostalgia. Then this morning it woke up. 8.40, and again at 10.30, transmitting on the 456. (Dekker presses a button on the nostalgic equipment. Whooshing and whirring). Just five seconds in duration. But that's enough.
FROBISHER : What's it saying ?
DEKKER : Well, I think it's a burst of compressed information. I'm running it through the translators, might take a while. More alien noise.
DEKKER : But the point is, the 456 was open.
FROBISHER : But why would they change ?
DEKKER : That's your job, to find out.
FROBISHER : I'll have to tell the Prime Minister.
DEKKER : Elected officials ?! They just come and go. The 456 was here before him, it'll be here long after he's gone. And so will we. The Civil Service, John, the cockroaches of government.
FROBISHER : Have you got kids ?
DEKKER : Too busy working. Turns out to be a Godsend. INT HUB Computer area
JACK : So I think it's a transmission, a pulse, a broadcast.
IANTO : Like the Mosquito alarm, the one that only kids can hear.
JACK : Something unique to prepubescents.
IANTO : Maybe testosterone interferes with the signal, and oestrogen...
GWEN : Oh, no, no, no, hold on. We're being dumbos, we're missing the bleedin' obvious here, look.
TAIWANESE CHILD (on computer) : We are coming. We are coming.
GWEN : Recorded in Taiwan. The point being, anyone ?
TAIWANESE CHILD (on computer) : We are coming. We are coming.
JACK : It's English.
IANTO : They're speaking English.
GWEN : Exactly ! And all the footage is the same. So every single child in the whole wide world is speaking English, so why's that ?
JACK : I guess if you scanned the Earth from the outside, you'd register English as the dominant language.
IANTO : Actually that would be Chinese, well, Mandarin. There's about a billion people speaking Mandarin. That's three times more than English.
GWEN : Oh, my God.
JACK : What ?
GWEN : OK, ready ? So every single child in the world is talking in unison, yeah ?
JACK : Yeah.
IANTO : Yup.
GWEN : Every single child... And one man.
CLEMENT (on computer) : We are coming. We are coming.
JACK : What the hell ? Who's he ?
GWEN : Name's Timothy White. He's a patient in a psychiatric ward at the Duke Of York Hospital, East Grinstead.
JACK : How did you get this footage ?
GWEN : Staff e-mailed it to the police. But every police force is swamped with mums and dads going absolutely mental, so it's just waiting in line. I reckon no-one else has noticed him yet.
IANTO : East Grinstead.
JACK : That's what, two hours ?
GWEN : I'm on it ! EXT DAY Garden of a swish house Rhys is on the phone, standing in front of a Frost Lynch Estate Agents Grange Farm Road Cardiff CF9 6YY FOR SALE sign. Alternates between there and Gwen's location.
GWEN (on phone) : I know I promised, shut up. Change of plan.
RHYS (on phone) : Oh, s'all right, I thought you'd be busy. "We are coming !" EXT DAY Car on a motorway Gwen is driving, in the fast lane, other cars swish past going t'other way.
GWEN (on phone) : Eh, but what's it like ?
RHYS (on phone) : The estate agent hasn't turned up. (Rhys goes in the gate to have a poke around). Fair dos, she's probably got kids. So, what do you think's causing it ?
GWEN (on phone) : I can't say. Top secret.
RHYS (on phone) : You haven't got a clue, have you ?
GWEN (on phone) : No idea.
RHYS (on phone) : Tell you what, it looks nice from the outside. And I reckon we could knock ten grand off the asking price. Three bedrooms. One could be a nursery.
GWEN (on phone) : Oh, stop it !
RHYS (on phone) : One day !
GWEN (on phone) : You can adopt a Filipino and get her to clean the chimneys.
RHYS (on phone) : Thing is I was thinking though, right ? Those kids went off at 8.40, when everyone's on their way to school, then at 10.30, that's break time. It's like it was timed. You know ? So you'd get maximum kids out in the open, visible to everyone.
GWEN (on phone) : Suppose.
RHYS (on phone) : Yeah, but that means it's timed around Britain. Specific British hours, yeah ? It might be worldwide, but I reckon someone's looking right at us.
GWEN (on phone) : That's brilliant. That is brilliant, you're not bad, you, are you ?
RHYS (on phone) : I'm bloody superb.
GWEN (on phone) : Oh, my God, Severn Bridge ! I'm going into England ! Farewell forever !
RHYS (on phone) : Good luck ! Have you got currency ?
GWEN (on phone) : Yes, and I've had my injections ! See ya ! EXT DAY Plas in front of a building Jack and Ianto sit on really big steps. Right next to each other with big empty all around them.
JACK : Lunch time. This place should be buzzing with kids.
IANTO : Everyone's taken them home.
JACK : We need a child. Close on Ianto's face
JACK : Cos we need to test those frequencies. Find the right frequency, and we can find out who's transmitting.
IANTO : Where d'you get a child, though ? I could find you lasers and weevils and hitchhikers. But kids... Pause. Jack has think face. Jack stands.
JACK : See you later.
IANTO : Where are you going ?
JACK : Now who's a couple ? Ianto a bit woob faced again. Looks away and down. INT DAY Prime Minister's Office All books and wood and leather. Globe near the camera, very old and yellowed. Prime Minister, older man in glasses, reads a file.Track across, and Frobisher is sitting in one of the leather chairs. He perches. On the front edge. Waiting. Prime Minister reads. Frobisher looks tense. Big Ben strikes ? Clock music, then bongs between sentences. Prime Minister as Brian Green : When I was a kid, it was the bomb. Iron Curtain. Reds under the bed. It was all so bloody simple. Now it comes raining down from the skies. Made of metal, stinking green and God knows what. I find myself running a country under siege from above.
FROBISHER : What d'you recommend that we do ?
Prime Minister : You tell me.
FROBISHER : Given that this is now worldwide, Prime Minister, it might be best if certain historical events were taken off the record.
Prime Minister : So Britain gets a clean sheet ?
FROBISHER : Yes, sir.
PRIME MINISTER : How do we know if these... what do we call them ?
FROBISHER : The 456. They never gave a name. We just called them the 456 after the frequency allocation.
PRIME MINISTER : Then how do we know that the 456 will keep quiet ?
FROBISHER : We don't. All we can do is hope to cover ourselves. Prime Minister looks away. Not a happy bunny.
FROBISHER : You'll have to issue a Blank Page. PRIME MINISTER (sharply) / No. FROBISHER (pause) / Then, what do we do ?
PRIME MINISTER : I'm not having my name on this. You never told me. I was never a part of it. I never knew. Is that understood ?
FROBISHER : Yes, sir. Then I take it that that leaves the Blank Page with me ? PRIME MINISTER (beat) / Just don't tell me about it. INT DAY Carter's house Front hall with pretty stained glass. Doorbell rings. Alice walks up talking over her shoulder.
ALICE : Tell her it's in the bottom drawer, I put them there yesterday, yeah ? She opens the door. Smiling Jack !
ALICE : Oh, I thought so.
JACK : Good to see you. How's things ?
ALICE : Terrifying.
STEVEN : Uncle Jack ! Boy runs in, Jack scoops him up and holds him so he's taller than Jack.
JACK : Steven ! Hey, soldier, how you doing ? Jack carries Steven in.
STEVEN : I was talking like an alien ! Everyone was ! It was brilliant !
ALICE : You'd better come in. Eyeroll and swings her door closed. EXT DAY Davies's house Ianto gets out the SUV. Closes door and bleeps it locked. Car alarm beeps. Ianto walks up the path past abandoned bikes to... is it a semi detached or an end of terrace ? There's a terrace behind them. And a lot of city. There's rubbish bags around a lamp post and only one other car in sight, silver grey, parked right in front of Ianto. INT DAY Davies's house, kitchen Close up on Rhiannon packing "Lose a stone in 21 days !" leaflets into envelopes. Rhiannon is pink and leaflets are pink and something plastic looking in a bowl on the table is pink and there's a whole pink theme. Messy is another theme. Stacks and boxes. Again starting in close up with Rhiannon with her hands full and busy.
IANTO (out of sight) : Only me. So he's a just walk in visitor.
RHIANNON : Oh, bloody hell. We must be in trouble. Or is it Christmas ? Mica is on the games machine playing something loud. Ianto in his suit oddly matches the curtains. And lampshade. But only in color, the style is his own.
IANTO : How are they ?
RHIANNON : Yeah, it was a bit of a scare. I brought them home, just in case. Ianto walks over and gets his wallet out. As Rhiannon talks he extracts a £10 and hands it over, Mica takes it without comment.
RHIANNON : But I reckon it's that group hysteria thing, like when lots of girls all faint at the same time. Did you say thanks to your uncle ? MICA (already back to her game) : I did.
RHIANNON : David ! Your Uncle Ianto's here ! Ianto has another £10 out ready.
IANTO : I was thinking. I missed Mica's birthday. I thought I could take her to McDonald's or something. David runs in, grabs the £10, runs out, all without interrupting Ianto's sentence.
RHIANNON : That's all of £3.95, you big spender.
IANTO : All right, cinema.
RHIANNON : Yeah, that'd be nice. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Mica ? Mica nods.
IANTO : I thought maybe this afternoon.
RHIANNON : No chance. What about Saturday ?
IANTO : I'm kind of busy on Saturday.
RHIANNON : You're a civil servant, they don't work weekends. They invented weekends. And I'm not having her going out, not today, not with all that voice thing. I want 'em where I can see them.
IANTO : But she'll be with me.
RHIANNON : She's staying put.
IANTO : Right. Fine. Just an idea. I won't bother you. Pause. Rhiannon looks up at him all big eyes.
RHIANNON : Oh, that's it, is it ? You're just gonna go now ? Oh, sit down, you daft sod. I've got some of that spinach dip. And you and me, well, ahem, we've got things to talk about.
IANTO : What things ?
RHIANNON : You've been seen. Ianto makes think face. INT DAY Carter's house, kitchen Jack and Alice are in the kitchen. Jack sits, Alice busies.
ALICE : They said on the news that we should send them back to school tomorrow. D'you think it's safe ?
JACK : Well, I don't know any more than you.
ALICE : Oh, come on.
JACK : I don't. Pause of disbelief and pouring the tea.
JACK : Any word from Joe ?
ALICE : In Italy. With her. They finally got married. But he, er... He phones every now and then, and sends Steven postcards. Remembers his birthday. There are worse fathers. Pause of awkward.
JACK : How are you off for money ?
ALICE : Don't worry about that. You give me enough. Kind of easy, writing cheques, huh ?
JACK : Alice, you're the one who asked me to stay away. I'd come round here every week, if you wanted me to. Every day.
ALICE : Yeah. Pause of not looking at him.
ALICE : I just can't stand it, Dad. I look older than you do and it's never gonna stop. I get older and older and you stay the same. One day, you're gonna be standing at my funeral. Looking just like you did when you were standing at Mum's. No wonder she was so furious. You make us feel old. Pause of long and not looking at each other.
JACK : Actually, I found a grey hair.
ALICE : Oh ! Well, that is the end of the world. Jack laughs. He looks out the window. Steven is playing in the garden, wearing a red coat.
JACK : You ever gonna tell him ?
ALICE : What do I say ? That you're his grandfather ?
JACK : He's too young to notice, right now. That I don't age. But one day, he's gonna realise.
ALICE : And that's another reason for you to stay away.
JACK : I suppose. I could make the most of it while he's still young. Take him out. Buy him stuff. Me and him, sort of thing.
ALICE : You mean today ?
JACK : While I'm here, may as well.
ALICE : Ah You b*st*rd. Something happens to kids, and you want to spend time with him on the same day. You are not experimenting on that boy, Dad. Not ever. That's why I want you to stay away, because you're dangerous. INT DAY Hospital Rupesh runs through corridor and gets to a counter with a phone. Phones where his pager tells him.
RUPESH : Dr Patanjali. You were paging me ? EXT DAY Carter's house Jack closes the door behind him, he was phoning before he even left, and strides into the street.
JACK : Rupesh ! Captain Jack Harkness. You've got a children's ward, haven't you ? I need a kid. INT DAY Davies's house, kitchen Rhiannon and Ianto at the table opposite each other.
RHIANNON : Susan on the corner was in town and it was her anniversary, so they went to that posh French place in town by the memorial, and there was you.
IANTO : So... ?
RHIANNON : There was you, having dinner with a man.
IANTO : So ?
RHIANNON : Having dinner, with a man, in a restaurant.
IANTO : So ? You have dinner with Tina.
RHIANNON : Not in town. Susan said he was gorgeous. Like a film star. Like an escort.
IANTO : He's my boss.
RHIANNON : She said it was intimate. I said, "Well, he's had girlfriends," and she said, "Well, no girl was getting her feet round that table, no chance." Have you gone bender ?
IANTO : Mica's hearing this.
RHIANNON : She's not bothered. Her friend Sian's got two mothers. Pause of awkward and Ianto looking down away.
RHIANNON : Go on. Pause of Ianto making deer headlight eyes at Rhiannon.
RHIANNON : You never tell me anything these days. Dad died, that was it, you were off. You couldn't wait. Like I did something wrong. I didn't, did I ?
IANTO : It's not that. It's my job, it's difficult, it's... (exhale, closed eyes. Open eyes look at her). He is very handsome.
RHIANNON : No !
IANTO : Now stop it.
RHIANNON : You're kidding me ! Really, though ? Really ? Ianto is not keeping eye contact and is looking round more nervously than he did while extracting body organs.
RHIANNON : Christ almighty ! He's nice, though ? Is he ? Ianto biting his lip.
RHIANNON : Is he ? Oh, my God. I mean, since when ?
IANTO : It's weird. It's just different. It's not... men. It's... it's just him. It's only him. And I don't even know what it is, really. So... So I'm not broadcasting it.
RHIANNON : Oh, no, honest, I won't say. If you want it kept quiet, I swear, I won't say a word, I promise. Door closes behind them. Johnny Davies walks in.
JOHNNY DAVIES : Aye aye, gay boy, she says you're taking it up the arse. The look on Ianto's face is priceless.
JOHNNY : Mica, will you get off that thing. Rhiannon rubs her nose hide a bit of a grin.
IANTO (quietly) : Thanks.
JOHNNY : How've you been then, you smart b*st*rd ? Ianto gets up. Johnny grabs and bear hugs him. Ianto stands up straight and tries not to make argh noise. Johnny holds him at arms length. Car alarm wails.
JOHNNY : Eh, whose car is that outside then, is that you ? Black thing ?
IANTO : Oh, that's the... That's the company car.
JOHNNY : You want to watch it on this estate, boy.
IANTO : No, it's fine, top of the range, it's got a triple-deadlock.
JOHNNY : Oh, aye, sounds like it. Ianto turns. Big eyes. Pushes past Johnny and runs ! Car alarm and tyres screeching. EXT DAY Davies's house Ianto runs outside. More oh noes !
IANTO : Oh ! (Hands on head). But it's got a triple deadlock, they can't have !
JOHNNY (collecting loose bricks) : Nah cause what they do is see they drive round the block, then they come back for a lap of honour. The victory parade ! We get 'em. Brings bricks for Ianto.
IANTO : Uh, we should phone the police.
JOHNNY : Nah It's more fun this way. Car horn.
JOHNNY : Right, here they come ! Get ready ! SUV comes around the corner. Someone moons them out the window. They're yelling stuff, probably rude. Johnny shouts and chucks a brick.
DAVID (from upstairs window) : Yay !
RHIANNON : David ! Get inside ! Now !
IANTO : That's my car !
RHIANNON : Close the window I'm not telling you again, get inside. I'll take your computer off you, get in.
IANTO : That's my car. INT DAY Mental hospital, office Gwen and a uniformed lady nurse are watching Clement on a monitor.
NURSE : Timothy White. 52 years old. He's been with us three months. But he's got a history of being in and out of care all his life.
GWEN : Timothy White's. My mum used to shop there.
NURSE : Well If he's got a different name, he's never said. He spent 40 years living in Leeds, that's where he first came on record. Found homeless, living on the streets, at the age of 11.
GWEN : 11, bloody hell.
NURSE : No-one ever reported him missing. Apparently though, he did have a Scottish accent, back then. Gone now, but he was a long way lost. INT DAY Mental hospital, interview room on camera First a view through the security camera, Clement looking over his shoulder, seated at a table. Then Gwen and Clement opposite sides of that table. There's pauses between most sentences, Gwen leaving room for Clement. He sits sideways on his chair and don't look at her except out the corner of his eye.
GWEN : Can you remember the voice ? You said, "We are coming." Can you remember why ? D'you know what I think it was ? Aliens. Clement reacts, looks at her. Looks away fast. Gwen tries to keep eye contact.
CLEMENT : There's no such thing.
GWEN : Those days are gone. I don't mean to scare you, because you're perfectly safe, but I think aliens are using you to speak. What d'you think ?
CLEMENT : No such thing. Isn't it, isn't it ?
GWEN : I've met aliens. It's part of my job. But I'm not the authorities, or the police, or the army. So anything you say is just between me and you. And I will believe you.
CLEMENT : Give me your hand. Uncertain Gwen tries showing her hands above the table, empty. Pulls them back. Then offers one. Clem grabs, puts his face to it, sniffs loud and repeated. Gwen pulls her hand back but he follows across the table. Lets her go. Sits back down.
CLEMENT (surprised) : You're telling the truth.
GWEN : How can you tell ?
CLEMENT : I can smell it. You've... met them ?
GWEN : Dozens of them.
CLEMENT : Still not safe. Isn't it, isn't it ? They're watching. Looks to blinking light on security camera. CCTV in the nurse office monitor. Nurse in her office reading something. Then back to Gwen, looking at that camera.
GWEN : Well, I can do something about that. Pulls something from her pocket.
GWEN (finger on lips) : Shh, shh. Her shiny pen thing makes the CCTV break.
CLEMENT : What's that thing ?
GWEN : The technical name is a gizmo. He laughs. And then some more. A bit too much.
CLEMENT : Isn't it ?
GWEN : I think you've seen aliens too. What's your name ? What's your real name ? When did you last say your name ?
CLEMENT : Never.
GWEN : Then tell me.
CLEMENT : I was a kid.
GWEN : What happened ?
CLEMENT : They took us out. In the night. In the dark. Isn't it ? Isn't it ? They told us, they said we were going to a new home.
GWEN : Who did, who said ?
CLEMENT : The staff.
GWEN : A care home ?
CLEMENT : They drove us away for miles and miles. Flashback image, blond boy on the bus from the teaser : Clement.
HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLING
Bus in the dark, boy at the window.
CLEMENT : They were there. In the sky.
GWEN : What did they look like ?
CLEM : Light. White bright, flashback to the kids walking into the light.
CLEM : The light... took them.
GWEN : Took who ?
CLEMENT : My friends.
GWEN : But not you ?
CLEMENT : I ran. There was something, there was people, there was...
Flash : Soldier guns in the dark.
CLEM : Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it, isn't it ?
GWEN : You're all right, you're safe. OK ? You're safe now.
CLEMENT : But they're coming back. I've been smelling them for months. In the air. Long time coming.
GWEN : Tim, I can help. Look at me. I can help. If kids went missing, something's got to be written down and I will find it. But to do that, I need to know your name. Cute hands fingers game conversation going on while she says that. He knocks hands back.
CLEMENT : I was Clem. Clement MacDonald.
GWEN : Hi, Clem. Shakes hands.
CLEM : Hi.
GWEN : Where were you from ? It was somewhere in Scotland, do you remember ?
CLEM : Holly Tree.
GWEN : Holly Tree, now then is that a town, or a place, or... ?
CLEM : The Holly Tree.
GWEN : The Holly Tree is that where it happened ? Clem ? Was it ? What was the Holly Tree ? What was the Holly Tree ? Sniff, loud.
CLEM : You're pregnant. Gwen nods sympathy then... freeze.
GWEN : Sorry ?
CLEM : Yes, you are.
GWEN : No, I don't think so.
CLEM : Yes. I can smell it. Three weeks. Run feet door slam open quick.
NURSE : Oh... Bloody hell, I've been running. That camera's gone off, it just went dead ! Still. No harm done, eh ? (Pause). Everything all right ?
GWEN : Yes. I'm fine, thank you.
NURSE : Right, well, I think you've had long enough. Time for your meds, isn't it, Tim ? If you don't mind.
GWEN : No. (whisper). Not at all.
CLEM : Congratulations. She turns and leaves. EXT DAY Mental hospital car park Gwen walks out with phone pressed to ear.
GWEN : Ianto, I need a search on Clement MacDonald, could be M-C or M-A-C, and try the words "Holly Tree" and Scotland. We're looking at the 1960s, got that ? INT HUB Computer area Ianto hurries to computer and starts typing.
IANTO : Yeah.
GWEN : Then try the words Timothy White, with the option of Timothy White's, apostrophe S, like the shop.
IANTO : I lost the car. EXT DAY Mental hospital car park Gwen striding uninterrupted by actual listening.
GWEN : Yeah, and if you find anything, let me know straight away, don't wait for me to get back.
IANTO : These kids nicked it.
GWEN : Yeah, I'll see you later. She stares big eyed blankly and opens her car door. He puts his phone away and does deep breaths. Computer screens doing squiggly lines. INT DAY Mystery call centre, Ashton Control Bloke in black with a headset sits at a computer desk; we always see him through a Greater London Map made of clear plastic and black print.
OPERATIVE : I've got a red flag on a Torchwood intercept, the name Clement MacDonald, can you trace it ?
MALE VOICE : Roger, Ashton, control initiating trace now. EXT DAY London again Closer on big building windows this time. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office Lois looks suspiciously at stuff. Through the glass and blinds Bridget is meeting with Frobisher, her standing in front of his desk, him seated. Lois narrows eyes. She's probably trying to lip-read. Staring. INT DAY Frobisher's office
FROBISHER : You'll find the names under 456.
BRIDGET : And what d'you want me to do ? He has a beige folder and hands it over. She opens it. Ominous music ! Ominous blank piece of paper ! In a Classified folder. Bridget looks up. Looks at Frobisher. Mouth firm. Sharp nod. Closes folder and goes out. He stares straight ahead for a long time. Then he picks up his pen and caps it. Presumably from not writing on that blank page. INT DAY Desks outside Frobisher's office Bridget sits down and types some stuff. Two fingered. Lois watches. Bridget finger stabs the enter button decisively. Gets up and walks away. Curious Lois still has post it of we're all getting fired for computer security. Logs in as Bridget. Gets her emails. Sent messages and really tense music.
Subject : Blank Page. To : (?) ORDER TO KILL : Colonel Michael Sanders (ret.d). Ellen Hunt. Captain Andrew Staines. Captain Jack Harkness (active). EXT DAY Hospital car park Pretty blue sports car with no lid. Jack swooshes in to a parking space. Climbs out. Rupesh runs to meet him. Jack starts the conversation loudly in the car park.
JACK : I promise, we can zap these kid's memories so they won't remember a thing, no side effects.
RUPESH : But There's been another death. INT DAY Hospital corridor with metal cage thingies for storing stuff in. Rupesh briefs Jack as they walk.
RUPESH : Mr Chow Lee Jee, chinese again. He came in with a nosebleed that wouldn't stop. Next thing you know, it's been diagnosed as a brain haemorrhage, he died at 16.25. INT DAY Mortuary room with stylish plastic curtains A black man in a hospital uniform steps up to stop them.
RUPESH : Sorry, he's with me. Dr Patanjali, A&E. We just need to check Mr Chow Lee Jee.
JACK : Well, he hasn't gone missing.
RUPESH : I can see that.
JACK : Need to run a toxicology scan. Not on the NHS, we've got much better equipment. Pupil's blown, that corresponds with a brain haemorrhage, though it could be induced artificially. No sign of trauma to the skin, apart from bruising, but that's... Rupesh with gun and gunshot. Sudden Jack death. Jack falls onto the other dead guy, then slumps to the floor. Close up of gun. Rupesh's hand is shaking a lot. He lowers the gun. Breathing heavy.
RUPESH : Get them in. Seal off the area. Black man in uniform leaves through plastic. A lot of black clothed men with weapons and helmets run in. They carry lights and biohazard tape to seal the place. Some pick up dead Jack and put him on the newly vacated morgue table.
RADIO VOICE : Mission move out. INT DAY Ashton Control Headset guy is watching his screens again.
HIGHER RADIO VOICE : All units.
OPERATIVE : The name Clement MacDonald hasn't been active for 44 years, but here he is. Torchwood's found him under the name of Timothy White. INT DAY Hospital corridor A woman equipped like the men but without the big gun and helmet walks with a soldier man on each side. She holds the front of her jacket to speak to Ashton Control.
JOHNSON : That's way beyond coincidence. Bring him in. INT DAY Mental hospital Clem sniffs. Significantly. Sniff, sniff, sniff. INT DAY Hospital mortuary Johnson swishes through the plastic curtains. Many black uniforms are standing on guard with their big guns. Rupesh is slumped against the wall with his little one. He sees her, stands, follows her in. Hands his gun off to a soldier.
RUPESH : Who changed the plan ? I spent months researching that. And they believed me ! Perfect infiltration, I thought you wanted me inside Torchwood to see what they've got in there.
JOHNSON : Who killed the Chinese man ?
RUPESH : I did, I had to, it was perfect timing, he just fitted the story.
JOHNSON : Then get off your high horse, yeah ? Any sign yet ?
RUPESH : Not so far. D'you think it's true ? What they say about him ? Jack revival ! Jack's dramatic timing great as ever. Johnson draws and fires before Jack's finished his second breath. Cold.
RUPESH : He was dead.
JOHNSON : Now he's dead again. And we'll keep killing him till he's ready. Get him prepared.
HOSPITAL UNIFORM : Yes, Ma'am.
RUPESH : How the hell does he do it ? Close-up. Unbutton Jack's shirt from the trouser line up.
JOHNSON : No-one knows. Theory would suggest it's connected to the Torchwood Hub. That Rift thing. Which makes the whole place a target. Jack shirt being pushed up, belly on display.
RUPESH : What changed the orders ?
JOHNSON : The children. She gets out a laser saw and has a go at Jack's abdomen. Great big gaping slice. EXT NIGHT Mental hospital Black jeeps with blue lights pull up outside. Pretty clock tower above. On my screen resolution I can't tell if it's 8pm or midnight. INT NIGHT Mental hospital Clem sniffs. Stands up. Looks up into camera directly above him. EXT NIGHT Mental hospital Police get out the black jeeps, putting their uniform hats on. INT NIGHT Mental hospital Clem twitches and stares up and is very worried. Run ! A Nurse in uniform leads the two police in to a room with only people who are not Clem. EXT NIGHT Mental hospital Reckon it's the back way cause there's a wheelchair ramp. Clem escapes through the clever expedient of running away. INT NIGHT Hospital mortuary Jack still pretty dead.
JOHNSON : Sealing him up. Laser saw blue does the party trick uncutting again.
JOHNSON : Closing down. Hands saw to a soldier.
JOHNSON : Everybody out ! Put him back where he was. Busy yet coordinated action, everyone leaving.
RUPESH : He's gonna wonder where I've gone. How are we gonna cover that ?
JOHNSON : How d'you mean ?
RUPESH : Well, he's gonna try and trace me.
JOHNSON : You're not disappearing.
RUPESH : Yeah, but I've got to, he's gonna... Face of "oh sh1t" as Rupesh slowly realises. Stare at each other. Rupesh is Scared. Runs ! Out through the plastic ! Johnson turns around unhurried. INT NIGHT Hospital corridor Rupesh legs it, towards soldiers. Johnson steps out and gets her gun.
JOHNSON : Sides ! Soldiers step to sides smartly. Johnson aims, fires. Dead Rupesh. Gun down. Gun away. INT NIGHT Hospital mortuary Soldiers carry Rupesh back in and dump him next to Jack. Chinese man is back on the table. Neat and tidy. Soldiers leave fast, Jack's eyelids twitching. Jack gasp back to life. INT NIGHT Hospital corridor Soldiers take the biohazard tape down. Johnson leaves last. All neat and efficient, quick march. INT NIGHT Hospital mortuary
Jack, panting, turns over : Dead Rupesh. INT NIGHT Hospital corridor Johnson takes one last look back. INT NIGHT Hospital mortuary Jack checks for pulse.
JACK : Oh, no. Gets up, runs out. INT HUB Computer area Gwen walks in. Ianto is at his computer.
IANTO : Result ! There was a Holly Tree Lodge just outside Arbroath. It's a hotel now, but, up until 1965, it was a state-run orphanage. And they had a Clement MacDonald ! Gwen has walked straight past Ianto without a speck of attention paid. She heads for the autopsy bay. Ianto just keeps talking. She gets equipment out.
IANTO : He was taken into care, april 1965, after his mother died. No father on record. In november 1965, he was transferred, along with... Oh. EXT NIGHT Outside the tourist office entrance Jack goes down steps heading for the door. A man leaning on the railing watches. And talks to his watch.
RAILING MAN : Over to control. Harkness now approaching door one, over. EXT NIGHT Black jeep full of Johnson Johnson in passenger seat.
JOHNSON : He's inside ! We don't know how deep that place goes. Give it five. Over. INT HUB Autopsy bay Gwen is very focused on medical equipment. Gwen puts her hand on a flatbed scanner. The light bar goes across. It is magic and can see her whole body that way. Gwen does headtilt. On the wall projection there's a little red blip. A little red blip in the pelvic region. INT HUB Cog door Jack comes in.
JACK : We need damage control at St Helen's. One body. Dr Rupesh Patanjali. Shot in the back.
IANTO : What happened ?
JACK : I don't know. He was just left there right beside me. Like someone's gloating.
IANTO : Did they kill you ?
JACK : Yeah. Ianto moves in for Awkward manly hug with back patting.
JACK : Maybe we're being targeted. Whether it was him or me, we should be careful, better tell Gwen.
IANTO : She's back, she's in the lab.
JACK : Gwen ! INT HUB Autopsy bay Jack walks in.
JACK : Boy, have I had a day. Blinky shock face. Joining Gwen's big eyed shock face. Hand still on the scanner, little red blip clearly in the hip type place on a female figure on the wall projection.
JACK : Oh, my God. Is that... ? Gwen takes her hand off the scanner. She's still staring at the wall. Jack comes down the steps to her. She looks round at him with seriously big eyes.
JACK : How long ?
GWEN : Three weeks. Turn together to look at the wall again.
JACK : That's good, isn't it ? Her flat mouth and big eyes of shock are not an obvious good yet. Looking at each other and back, checking.
JACK : From where I'm standing it... looks good to me.
GWEN : Yeah. Bloody hell. It's brilliant ! Smiles break out ! Big Jack smiles !
JACK : Ianto ! We're having a baby ! Ianto runs in all happy too.
JACK : Have you told Rhys ?
GWEN : I've only just found out myself.
JACK : Oh, you told me before you told him, he is gonna love that.
IANTO : Congratulations. Gwen still staring with puzzle face and happy.
IANTO : Would now be a good time to tell you I lost the car ?
JACK : You did what ?!
GWEN : That is just bloody spectacular ! But what about this place, and my job ? Jack puts reassuring hand on Gwen's on the scanner.
JACK : We'll manage. We always do. Scanner scans. Siren.
GWEN : What the hell is that ? Big red death star in Jack's hips... it's that or go for a big red balls joke... Sirens and alert on the screen.
JACK : Oh, my God.
IANTO : There's a bomb, there's a bomb inside your stomach. Everyone there can see that, but I guess some announcements just need saying.
JACK : Get out.
GWEN : No !
JACK : Both of you.
GWEN : No !
JACK : Right now !
IANTO : It has a blast radius of one mile !
JACK : Right now ! Get out !
GWEN : Look there must be something we can do. Look We can stop it. We can fix this OK, we can rip it out of you.
JACK : I'm telling you. Get out !
IANTO : It's active. Two minutes !
GWEN : I can't just run, Jack.
JACK : You're pregnant. She stares, steps back, and just runs. INT NIGHT Frobisher's house Kids in matching girly pink bathrobes now. Mum Anna and dad Frobisher do Worry.
HOLLY / LILLY : We are coming. We are coming.
ANNA : John ! John !
HOLLY / LILLY : We are coming. We are coming. INT NIGHT Carter's house Steven stares. Alice is worried.
STEVEN : We are coming. We are coming. INT NIGHT Davies's house Concerned Rhiannon and Johnny watch David.
DAVID : We are coming. We are coming. We are coming. INT HUB Computers Ianto typing away.
RECORDED VOICE : Lockdown.
JACK : Ianto, you're going to get locked inside.
COMPUTER VOICE : Torchwood lockdown. Big cog door Made in Wales rolls closed solidly.
JACK : Ianto ! Then you... Jack grabs Ianto and drags him. Both desperate.
IANTO : There must be a way to override the mechanism.
JACK : For God's sake, get out !
IANTO : There'll be nothing left of you !
JACK : I can survive anything. Bundles him onto the invisible lift. As he swings round Ianto grabs and kisses. Serious intense kiss with grabbing. But fast. Jack lets go and backs away. Hits buttons. Invisible lift rises. They keep eye contact all the way up. Ianto rises up towards the complicated roof mechanism.
RECORDED VOICE : Torchwood lockdown. Torchwood lockdown.
JACK : I'll come back. I always do. INT NIGHT Carter's house
ALICE : Stop it, Steven. Stop it.
CHILDREN : We are coming. INT NIGHT Frobisher's house
FROBISHER : Stop it !
CHILDREN : We are coming. We are coming. We are coming.
FROBISHER : Stop it ! Stop it ! Frobisher collapses to his knees, frantic and frightened. EXT NIGHT Tourist entrance Gwen is out and running. Heavy breathing. INT HUB Lift Jack looks up, Ianto rises. Ianto reaches down to him. Jack has his hand on his wrist strap. Long longing sort of look. Jack looks down, to the computer. 00:04. 00:03. Jack closes his eyes. EXT NIGHT Cardiff Gwen runs in the night. BOOM ! Really giant exploding ! Gwen flies forward and falls ! Lands, gasping, fire around her. INT NIGHT Frobisher's house
CHILDREN : We are coming... back. | Plan: A: terror; Q: What is the world of every child in the world experiencing? A: Earth; Q: What planet is a message sent to? A: a trap; Q: What closes around Captain Jack? A: 1965; Q: What year did Captain Jack's sins of the past return? A: an awful truth; Q: What do the sins of the past threaten to reveal? Summary: An ordinary day becomes a world of terror as every single child in the world stops. A message is sent to the governments of Earth: 'We are coming'. As a trap closes around Captain Jack, sins of the past return, as long-forgotten events from 1965 threaten to reveal an awful truth. |
THE TALONS OF WENG-CHIANG
BY: ROBERT HOLMES
Part Four
Running time: 24:30
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Leela? Leela, are you all right?
LEELA: Oh, thank you, Doctor. Yes, I'm all right, just bruised.
DOCTOR: You were lucky.
LEELA: I deserve death. I had the chance to kill our enemy, Doctor, and I failed.
DOCTOR: Which enemy?
LEELA: The yellow one calls him lord. He lives in a cave beneath the theatre. Come, I will show you.
DOCTOR: This gun takes about half an hour to load. Let's go this way.
[SCENE_BREAK]
JAGO: Casey, I'm about to repair for half a foot of port. Mrs Samuelson in yet?
CASEY: I've not seen her, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Well, you tell her I want the girl's frillies smartening up. They looked like a fit-up company last night. One of them had a Jacob's ladder as long as my arm. Look at that. You tell her.
CASEY: Yes, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Oh, Mister Chang. Back again already? I shall have to start charging you rent, what?
CHANG: There are many things to prepare before the performance.
JAGO: Of course, Mister Chang. Yes. The art that conceals, eh? Tell me, last night.
CHANG: Last night?
JAGO: I'm working too hard. Too much in the old brain box, that's a fact, but, er. We talked about a new contract but I've quite forgotten how we left matters.
CHANG: I'm considering your new offer.
JAGO: Ah, I see. Splendid. Generous offer?
CHANG: Merely reasonable. Tonight, incidentally, I shall be appearing without Mister Sin.
JAGO: Oh, why is that? Just making a change?
CHANG: Mister Sin is indisposed.
JAGO: Ha, ha, very droll. I shall treasure that exceedingly humorous jest, Mister Chang. Oh, Mister Chang? I suppose the little fellow's got a touch of woodworm, what?
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Say that again?
LEELA: Hmm?
DOCTOR: Say that again.
LEELA: She was dead. Her skin was dry like old leaves. It was something the machine did to her.
DOCTOR: Like old leaves. Sounds like an organic distillation. Drained out the life essence.
LEELA: That's what he called it.
DOCTOR: Did he?
LEELA: Well, he seemed to know what he was talking about.
DOCTOR: Well, he doesn't. He's a madman.
LITEFOOT: Here we are. Your outfit, my dear.
LEELA: Oh, thank you, Professor.
LITEFOOT: No, no, not here. Mrs Hudson's waiting upstairs. She'll help you change. Hope it's suitable.
LITEFOOT: Dashed embarrassing business, eh? Never done it before.
DOCTOR: What?
LITEFOOT: Chosen togs for a girl.
DOCTOR: Ah.
LITEFOOT: Quite apart from the rum things they wear, you have to be jolly careful it's in the right fashion. Clothes matter to women.
DOCTOR: They do?
LITEFOOT: Still trying to open it, are you?
DOCTOR: Yes. I'm trying to place the period. It can only be opened by a key of the correct molecular combination.
LITEFOOT: Is that a fact?
DOCTOR: Yes.
LITEFOOT: What were you saying when I came in? Something about a madman?
DOCTOR: Yes, he's probably got the key.
LITEFOOT: Who?
DOCTOR: Well, presumably he's calling himself Weng-Chiang.
LITEFOOT: Weng-Chiang was one of the ancient Chinese gods.
DOCTOR: I know that, Professor, I know. And he probably arrived in this contraption.
LITEFOOT: It was a gift to Mama from his highness, T'ung-Chi. We came home in seventy three, so it's been in the family quite some years now.
DOCTOR: Then you're very lucky, Professor, that he hasn't traced it before now.
LITEFOOT: Weng-Chiang?
DOCTOR: Weng
LEELA: Do you like it?
DOCTOR: Yes, it's charming. Isn't it charming, Professor?
LITEFOOT: Quite delightful.
DOCTOR: I'll be proud to take to take you to the theatre looking like that.
LEELA: We're going to the theatre?
DOCTOR: I have an appointment at the Palace Theatre tonight, and if you're very good, I'll buy you an orange.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CASEY: Told her.
JAGO: What?
CASEY: Mrs Samuelson. I told her what you said.
JAGO: Oh.
CASEY: She didn't like it.
JAGO: I don't need to hear that, Casey. I'm not concerned with what Mrs Samuelson likes.
CASEY: She mentioned money matters. She wants a word with you.
JAGO: The woman's a bloodsucker. She's trying to ruin me.
CASEY: Well she said
JAGO: Don't tell me, Casey. I'm an artiste. Every night at this time, I feel like an old warhorse scenting the smoke of the battlefield. As the house fills, the blood starts tingling through my veins. My public is out there waiting for me. I can't talk about money at a time like this.
CASEY: But you don't do anything, Mister Jago.
JAGO: I, I announce the acts, I count the tickets, I smile at people. You've no idea of the strain it puts on a fellow. Furthermore, she spend seventeen and threepence on the wardrobe last week. Any sign of the Doctor yet?
CASEY: Who?
JAGO: My collaborator and fellow sleuth. Oh well, he'll be here tonight keeping observation, Casey.
[SCENE_BREAK]
JAGO (OOV.): I'll lay a guinea to a gooseberry on it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LITEFOOT: Your cab's here.
DOCTOR: Good.
LITEFOOT: You'll need your coats. It's getting thick again.
DOCTOR: Hmm. Did you pass word to the police?
LITEFOOT: Oh, yes, yes. They've posted a man outside.
DOCTOR: Good. Lock and bolt the door after us and keep your gun handy. Come on.
LITEFOOT: What, you really think those scoundrels will come back?
DOCTOR: They might. They might. They'll do anything to get their hands on that cabinet.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LITEFOOT: Don't you worry, Doctor. By shots, I'll be ready for them. They won't catch George Litefoot napping a second time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Palace Theatre, cabbie. Make it snappy.
CABBIE: Go on, get up.
[SCENE_BREAK]
WENG: What is it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHANG: Your servant, master.
WENG (OOV.): Go away. I have work to attend to.
CHANG: Lord, I have heard that the strange infidel, the Doctor, will be here soon. Is it still your wish that I should kill him?
[SCENE_BREAK]
WENG: I think it more likely that he will kill you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHANG: No, Lord. I have plan. I will kill him as sacrifice to appease the wrath of my god Weng-Chiang, to prove that I above all others am your true servant.
[SCENE_BREAK]
WENG: You no longer serve me, Li H'sen. I shall take my own measures. You do what you will. Now go!
[SCENE_BREAK]
JAGO: You owe me a gooseberry, Casey. There he is, in the box. See?
CASEY: He don't look like a detective to me.
JAGO: Well, he's not going to wear a brown derby and boots, is he, secret investigator like him, a man of a thousand faces.
CASEY: Who's the girl?
JAGO: Window dressing. Part of his disguise. Tell you what, I think I'll just pop up and tell him we're all on the q v down here. Have you set the star trap yet?
CASEY: Not yet, Mister Jago.
JAGO: You'd better get on with it, hadn't you, unless you want to ruin Mister Chang's act for him.
CASEY: It's that cellar, Mister Jago.
[SCENE_BREAK]
JAGO: Psst.
DOCTOR: Good evening, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Pleasure to welcome you, sir, and your charming companion.
DOCTOR: Thank you. Are you quite comfortable down there?
JAGO: Oh, I know the value of discretion in matters like this, Doctor. May I ask if you've come to any further deductions?
DOCTOR: Oh, quite a few, quite a few.
JAGO: Ah. I thought as much when I saw you here. I take it you're on the point of solving the mystery of the missing girls.
DOCTOR: I'm expecting further developments very soon, Mister Jago.
JAGO: Ah. Well, if you need any help, Doctor, I hope I know where my duty lies.
DOCTOR: I knew I could rely on you.
JAGO: Oh, to the limit, though I suppose you've got your own men scattered throughout the audience.
DOCTOR: No.
JAGO: No? You mean nobody?
DOCTOR: Nobody. When the moment comes, Mister Jago, you and I can face our destiny shoulder to shoulder.
JAGO: Oh, corks. (Back at the house, Litefoot is reading Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine no 1916, with an advert for Lee and Perrins Worcestershire sauce on the back, by the light of the fire. He puts it down and looks out of the window to see the policeman patrolling in the garden then returns to continue reading. Meanwhile, Lettie Randall is singing on stage.)
LETTIE: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage. I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet on the seat of a bicycle build for two. Everybody now!
ALL: Daisy, Daisy.
LEELA: Do we need to give the responses?
DOCTOR: There's no obligation.
ALL: I'm half crazy
LEELA: When shall we go and look for the cave creature?
DOCTOR: Perhaps it'll come looking for us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CASEY: No. No!
[SCENE_BREAK]
JAGO: The Sheffield song thrush. Last time she was here, there were eggs all over the stage. Now, ladies and gentlemen, it is my great privilege to introduce to you, in his extended season here at the Palace, the first of two appearances this evening, someone whose legendary legerdemain has entranced and entertained all the crowned heads of Europe. Here to baffle and bewilder in his eclectic extravaganza of efflorescent ectoplasm, that master magician from the Orient, Li H'sen Chang!
CHANG: First trick very simple.
CHANG: Next trick very simple.
CHANG: Will someone pick cards, please? You sir. Catchee.
CHANG: Now, sir, please to assist humble Chang by selecting any card. Ace of diamonds. Please to hold card in air so everyone see. Now, sir, please to return card to pack, any place. Honourable gentleman please to hold pack of playing cards between finger and thumb. Chang will now shoot magic bullet through ace of diamonds without hitting other cards. Please to keep very still.
LEELA: Doctor!
CHANG: Please to keep very quiet. Chang shoot fifteen peasants learning this trick.
CHANG: Now, sir, please look for ace of diamonds.
DOCTOR: Oh, very good, very good! Wasn't that good? Anything else?
CHANG: Honourable gentleman please to bring cards to stage. I have further demonstration requiring nerves of steel.
CHANG: I will now ask my eager volunteer kindly to step into the Cabinet of Death.
CHANG: The bird has flown. One of us is yellow.
CHANG: If you will now pay close attention, ladies and gentlemen.
[SCENE_BREAK]
WENG: So, the great magician.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHANG: In my country, this is known as the death of a thousand cuts.
CHANG: I will now ask my new volunteer kindly to assist in opening cabinet.
JAGO: The curtain! Quick, drop the curtain! What happened?
DOCTOR: He's dead. He died of a fright.
JAGO: Poor Casey. He's worked here for years.
LEELA: Doctor, what happened? Did Chang kill him?
DOCTOR: No, Chang was as surprised as anyone. Where's he gone?
[SCENE_BREAK]
CHANG: Are you here, Master? This is your servant, Li H'sen.
CHANG: Answer me, Lord. If you're here, answer me. He has gone. Weng-Chiang, lord of greatness, has deserted me.
CHANG: Lord?
DOCTOR: You've been left to carry the can, Chang.
DOCTOR: No poison tonight. There are questions to answer.
CHANG: I will say nothing. It is time for me to join my forefathers.
DOCTOR: Well, as an accomplice to murder, the police shouldn't hold you up long. Tell me about Weng-Chiang. Where did he go?
CHANG: Perhaps back to his great palace in the sky. I failed him. He was displeased with me.
LEELA: His mind is broken.
DOCTOR: Li H'sen, you know he's not a god, don't you.
CHANG: He came like a god. He appeared in a blazing cabinet of fire. I saw him and helped him. He was tired from his journey.
DOCTOR: Go on.
CHANG: He was ill for many months. I was but a humble peasant, but I gave him sanctuary while the soldiers searched. I nursed him.
DOCTOR: The cabinet. What happened to the cabinet?
CHANG: Soldiers of T'ung-Chi took it. Ever since, we have searched for the great cabinet of Weng-Chiang. The god will not be made whole until it is recovered.
JAGO: Doctor, are you down here? Well, cover me in creosote. I never knew this was here.
LEELA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Not this time, Leela.
LEELA: But he's escaping!
DOCTOR: There's no escape that way. He's gone to join his ancestors.
JAGO: You mean to say the celestial Chang was involved in all these Machiavellian machinations?
DOCTOR: Yes, up to his epicanthic eyebrows.
JAGO: Well, I'll go to Australia.
JAGO: What in the name of heaven's that?
DOCTOR: You'll have to book yourself a new act tomorrow. Cyanide gas might do for the brutes, though you'd have to shut the sewers off for a day or two.
LEELA: Look at this, Doctor. This is all that's left of them.
JAGO: Of the missing girls? So it was Chang.
DOCTOR: Not Chang. His master, the crazed maniac who organised all this.
LEELA: Doctor! The machine's gone.
DOCTOR: That means he's going to start up all over again somewhere else.
LEELA: He could be anywhere. We'll have to look for him.
DOCTOR: With his DNA helixes split open, the more cells he absorbs into himself, the more deformed he becomes.
LEELA: You mean he is like a waterbag with a hole in the bottom, and the hole is getting bigger?
DOCTOR: Yes.
LEELA: What happened to make him like that?
DOCTOR: Perhaps because he used the cabinet. A dangerous experiment in time travel. Now he'll be struggling to keep his metabolism in balance.
LEELA: And the rats?
DOCTOR: Just an experiment. He had to gauge the strength of the psionic amplification field. The rats were handy. After that, they were useful as sewer guards.
JAGO: I've got it! See the lair of the phantom. Conducted tours, bob a nob. I'm on to a fortune here. Hey, Doctor, you're not going, are you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: I must. Things to do. (quietly) We've got to get back to that time cabinet. Come on. | Plan: A: the giant vicious rat; Q: Who did Leela escape from? A: the Doctor; Q: Who is Leela with when she dresses up to attend Chang's show? A: the palace; Q: Where is Chang's show held? A: the act; Q: What do Leela and the Doctor end up being part of? A: Litefoot; Q: Who tries to protect the time cabinet? A: the time cabinet; Q: What does Litefoot try to protect at home? Summary: Having rescued Leela from the jaws of the giant vicious rat, she & the Doctor dress up and attend Chang's show at the palace, but end up as part of the act. At home, Litefoot tries to protect the time cabinet. |
THE MIND OF EVIL
BY: DON HOUGHTON
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT)
(CHIN LEE shuts the door to the main suite behind her. Alcott spins round.)
SENATOR ALCOTT: Oh...may I ask what this is all about, Captain.
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Of course.
SENATOR ALCOTT: Well, where's Mr. Fu Peng?
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: He will be here soon. Sit down.
SENATOR ALCOTT: Now look, Captain, I'm in the middle of my dinner and I...
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Sit down...please.
SENATOR ALCOTT: All right, but make it short will you?
(He walks over to a chair and sits and CHIN LEE turns and turns the lights down at the wall. Alcott jumps up.)
SENATOR ALCOTT: Hey! Wh...what are you doing?
(The room is filled with the noise of the Keller machine. Alcott puts his hands to his head and falls back into the chair.)
SENATOR ALCOTT: Oh...this noise...this noise in my head...
(CHIN LEE walks across the room towards him as he starts to feel intense pain, clutching at his tie.)
SENATOR ALCOTT: This terrible drowning!
(He jumps to his feet.)
SENATOR ALCOTT: What's happening?!
(He points at CHIN LEE as she starts to shimmer. The image of her adjusts to that of a Chinese dragon, roaring and breathing fire. Alcott starts to become hysterical...)
SENATOR ALCOTT: Get back! Get back, I tell you! Get back! Don't come near me! What's ha...
(The dragon gets nearer. The Senator starts to gasp for air and gabble incoherently. The door to the suite opens and the DOCTOR, the BRIGADIER and FU PENG walk in. They react instantly as they also see the dragon before them. The BRIGADIER withdraws his pistol from his holster and fires but the DOCTOR knocks his arm to one side.)
DOCTOR: No Brigadier!
(The dragon spins round at the sound of the gun.)
DOCTOR: Chin Lee!
(He shouts out a command in Chinese. The dragon shimmers and resumes the shape of CHIN LEE. She falls to the ground in a dead faint and the three men rush to her side.)
FU PENG: (In amazement.) That was one of the legendary monsters of my people.
DOCTOR: A collected hallucination, Gentlemen, nothing more.
(He sees the Senator on the floor across the room.)
DOCTOR: Who's that?
(He crosses over to him and starts to examine him. The BRIGADIER follows as FU PENG remains with CHIN LEE.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Senator Alcott! Is he dead?
DOCTOR: No. He's suffering from acute shock.
FU PENG: Sin-sing!
DOCTOR: Yes?
FU PENG: What is this?
(The DOCTOR returns to FU PENG who has found the metallic device from behind CHIN LEE'S ear.)
DOCTOR: Well, it's a telepathic amplifier?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Is that what caused the hallucinations?
DOCTOR: No, not caused them. No, merely picks up the impulses and projects them through Chin Lee's mind.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Impulses? From where?
DOCTOR: Well, unless I'm very much mistaken, from the Keller machine at Stangmoor prison.
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE (NIGHT)
(Its work completed, the Keller machine dies down...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY (NIGHT)
MAILER: Come on! Move it!
(MAILER and another prisoner push JO and SUMMERS up the staircase to the upper gallery.)
MAILER: That's it - up you come!
DR. SUMMERS: You'll break my arm!
(VOSPER runs from a side room and up the stairs after the group.)
VOSPER: Harry! Harry!
MAILER: Hello?!
VOSPER: The whole wing's surrounded - there's hundreds of them!
MAILER: So what?
DR: SUMMERS: Show some sense, Mailer. You'll never get away with it.
(MAILER raises his gun to threaten SUMMERS.)
VOSPER: They'll rush us any minute.
MAILER: Not while we've got these two. (To JO.) Will they? (To VOSPER.) Now listen, get back, fix that phone - I want to talk to the Governor.
(He points down another staircase as he speaks to the prisoner who holds SUMMERS.)
MAILER: Down!
VOSPER: Well, what are you going to do with them?
MAILER: Put them in the guest room. (To JO.) Come on, down!
(He pushes JO down the stairs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: INT. CHINESE DELEGATION QUARTERS (NIGHT)
(CHIN LEE is unconscious on a sofa. The BRIGADIER and the Senator are gone.)
FU PENG: Doctor, I've understood very little of what you have been saying. Please, explain more clearly.
(The DOCTOR indicates that he will in Hoken.)
DOCTOR: Chin Lee was being used by someone...who was trying to drive this world into war.
FU PENG: You will find this person and punish him?
DOCTOR: Yes, I will if I can.
FU PENG: Then I leave matters to you. I must go to my Embassy.
(He bows. The DOCTOR returns the bow and speaks to him in his native language again. FU PENG returns the compliment.)
DOCTOR: May God go with you also.
(FU PENG walks out as CHIN LEE starts to come round.)
DOCTOR: Chin Lee? Chin Lee, listen to me. Can you hear me?
(She speaks in her Chinese dialect.)
DOCTOR: Hmm, Cantonese.
(The DOCTOR speaks to her in her language, then...)
DOCTOR: You must trust me!
(CHIN LEE struggles to sit up, rubbing her head. Her previously cold, austere front has disappeared.)
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Some...something happened. Something terrible!
DOCTOR: Yes, I know, but it was in your mind. It was only in your mind. Now I want to ask you some questions.
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Questions?
DOCTOR: Yes...about Emil Keller...and your visit to Stangmoor prison!
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. STAIRCASE OUTSIDE CELL (NIGHT)
(MAILER stands guard outside the cell where JO and DR. SUMMERS are held. VOSPER comes down the stairs.)
MAILER: Hello, Len.
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL (NIGHT)
(Inside the cell, JO and SUMMERS hear the two outside.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. STAIRCASE OUTSIDE CELL (NIGHT)
MAILER: I thought you'd fixed the phones.
VOSPER: Sorry, Harry, No luck.
MAILER: How am I going to make a deal with the Governor if I can't even talk to him? (He indicates the cell door.) All right, open this up.
VOSPER: Yeah...
(VOSPER unlocks the cell.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL (NIGHT)
(The two men enter.)
VOSPER: All right, you two, on your feet.
(SUMMERS rushes VOSPER...)
JO: No don't!
(...but MAILER clubs him down. He and VOSPER hold up SUMMERS between them.)
JO: Don't!
MAILER: Come on! On your feet - you're getting out of here.
JO: At last you've seen some sense.
MAILER: Not you, darling!
(He pushes JO back onto the cell bed and then holds his gun to SUMMERS throat.)
MAILER: Now, you're going to take a message to the Governor.
DR. SUMMERS: What message?
MAILER: I want safe conduct out of here for me and all the mob in 'B' wing.
DR. SUMMERS: I'm not leaving here without Miss Grant. (Coughs.)
MAILER: Oh yes you are!
JO: I'll be all right.
MAILER: Come on, on your way - out.
(MAILER pushes SUMMERS and he and VOSPER leave the cell. MAILER turns to JO.)
MAILER: If you've got any sense, you'll get some beddy-byes! Goodnight.
(He leaves and closes the cell door...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: EXT. UNIT LONDON HQ
(The next morning, a milkman makes his deliveries as the DOCTOR and CHIN LEE walk by. They pass the MASTER'S limousine. The chauffeur sees them go past and gets out of the car, walking towards another town house on the square.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: EXT. MISSILE BASE
(Quite a few miles away, the impressive Thunderbolt missile points menacingly into the sky. Nearby SERGEANT BENTON shouts at two UNIT troops.)
SERGEANT BENTON: And don't tell me your troubles mate! I want that missile off the launching pad and on to the three tonner. Now get that crane in!
(The two troops run off as an angry CAPTAIN YATES storms up.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: What's going on, Sergeant? That missile should have been off the pad ten minutes ago.
SERGEANT BENTON: I'm sorry sir, but we're having trouble with the crane.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: No excuses, Sergeant. Just get on with it.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right sir. (To the troops.) Now come on, you men, wake your ideas up!
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(The BRIGADIER is fast asleep at his desk as the DOCTOR and CHIN LEE enter. The DOCTOR smiles at his guest and walks over to open the curtains. CHIN LEE walks over and looks down with interest at the sleeping soldier.)
DOCTOR: Rise and shine, Brigadier. I've brought Captain Chin Lee here to see you.
(The BRIGADIER quickly stirs and half rises in greeting.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Oh, er, morning Captain, er, won't you sit down?
(He nods towards a chair which CHIN LEE takes.)
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Thank you.
DOCTOR: Now...
(But the BRIGADIER is speaking into his intercom on more urgent matters.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Corporal Bell?
CORPORAL BELL: (OOV: Over intercom.) Yes sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Lay on some coffee, will you?
CORPORAL BELL: (OOV: Over intercom.) Right sir.
DOCTOR: Right now, Brigadier. I think you'll find that Captain Chin Lee can cast considerable light on what's been happening.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, I'm glad to hear that someone can.
DOCTOR: Well...
(To the DOCTOR'S exasperation, the BRIGADIER'S phone rings and interrupts their conversation.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes? (He listens.) Oh, morning Yates. (Listens.) Oh, oh I see. (To the DOCTOR.) It's Yates, he's had a hold up with his...er... (Thinks for the right word to use.) ..."cargo".
DOCTOR: Yes, well tell him to be careful with his, "er, cargo"!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Er, sorry, Yates, what was that? Chin Lee? Well...
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: EXT. UNIT LONDON HQ
(The MASTER, alerted by his chauffeur, is back in the limousine and is reading the "Financial Times". His radio receiver is picking up the BRIGADIER'S bugged telephone conversation...)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Through receiver.) ...as a matter of fact, there's been some trouble.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Through receiver.) What happened, sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Through receiver.) As far as I can gather, she tried to scare the American delegate to death.
(The MASTER frowns and picks up the receiver to listen more carefully.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Through receiver.) The Doctor stopped her.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Through receiver.) I don't quite follow, sir.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (OOV: Through receiver.) Quite frankly, Yates, neither do I. It's something to do with the Keller machine at Stangmoor. Anyway, Chin Lee's with me now.
(The MASTER has heard enough. He retracts the aerial on his radio receiver and snaps at the Chauffeur...)
MASTER: Stangmoor prison!
(The car moves away from the kerb and down the road to the junction.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(The BRIGADIER'S discussion with CHIN LEE continues. The DOCTOR sits at the end of the desk, his chin in his hands as he ponders over what he is hearing.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, but where did you first meet this man, erm, Emil Keller?
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: At an Embassy reception. He told me of the Keller process for reforming the habitual criminal, and invited me to visit Stangmoor prison with him.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: And you agreed to go?
(For a moment, CHIN LEE'S old imperious nature returns as she stares down the BRIGADIER.)
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Prison reform is high on our list of priorities in Peking!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Ahh...and, erm, can you tell us what happened at Stangmoor?
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: (Struggles to remember.) I...I know that we went to the process room. I...cannot remember!
(The DOCTOR starts to sit up, alert at this statement.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, did you see him again?
CAPTAIN CHIN LEE: Yes...many times...but...but whenever I think about it, my...my mind becomes so confused.
(The DOCTOR realises the true nature of their enemy...)
DOCTOR: (To himself.) Post-hypnotic block - his usual technique.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Whose usual technique?
DOCTOR: Well think man! Who else would make a deliberate attempt to plunge this world into war, using equipment and techniques not even developed on Earth? Like this.
(He holds up the device that FU PENG found on CHIN LEE.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: The Master?
DOCTOR: Otherwise known as Emil Keller!
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY
(VOSPER pulls a reluctant and struggling JO up the side-staircase and onto the top landing. There, she is taken down the main staircase together with all the captured OFFICERS. MAILER stands at the bottom of the stairs, gun in hand, directing proceedings.)
PRISON OFFICER: (Shouts to a prisoner.) Okay! I'm going ... !
VOSPER: ... Harry!
(MAILER grabs JO from VOSPER.)
MAILER: (To JO.) Watch ...
(He pushes JO against a wall and points the gun at her.)
MAILER: (Threateningly.) No trouble...
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(The GOVERNOR'S office is in keeping with the castle theme of the prison being panelled and beamed. There is even a medieval suit of armour in one corner. As some of the PRISON OFFICERS pore over a wall plan of the complex, DR. SUMMERS rounds on the GOVERNOR.)
DR. SUMMERS: Look Governor, you've got to negotiate!
PRISON GOVERNOR: I'm sorry, Doctor, it's out of the question.
DR. SUMMERS: But you're risking innocent lives!
PRISON GOVERNOR: Oh look, supposing I do turn Mailer loose and those thugs of his with him? They'd kill anyone who came in their way. How many innocent lives do you think I'd be risking then?
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: (Interrupting.) I've done everything I can, Doctor. 'B' wing's sealed off. If they get the slightest chance, my men'll rush the block.
DR. SUMMERS: And if they don't?
PRISON GOVERNOR: We'll wait it out. Mailer's not stupid. He knows he can't hold out forever. Once he realises he can't bluff me.
DR. SUMMERS: But Mailer isn't bluffing! Listen!
(He strides across the office and pulls open the panelled oak door. The sounds of the riot can clearly be heard.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: (To the GOVERNOR.) If you'll excuse me, sir, I'll just...
PRISON GOVERNOR: All right, Chief.
(The CHIEF OFFICER walks out closing the door behind him. SUMMERS turns back to the GOVERNOR.)
DR. SUMMERS: And what about Jo Grant?
PRISON GOVERNOR: Miss Grant is a member of UNIT. She came here on duty...
DR. SUMMERS: But that makes no difference!
PRISON GOVERNOR: However I will inform her headquarters. Inspector...
(A Police Inspector steps forward.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(CHIN LEE has left the office. The DOCTOR sits drinking his coffee as the BRIGADIER paces the room.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, Doctor? What am I to do with her?
DOCTOR: Well let her go, of course. Well, she's not a criminal. Anyway she can't do any more harm now that I've got this.
(He holds up the telepathic device. The phone of the desk rings and the BRIGADIER answers it.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Lethbridge Stewart? (Listens.) Yes, Inspector... (Listens, then worried...) What? (Listens.) Yes, I see. (To the DOCTOR.) There's been trouble at Stangmoor.
(The DOCTOR jumps up.)
DOCTOR: Is Jo all right?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Yes... (Listens.) ...yes, I see. Thank you for letting me know.
(He puts the phone down.)
DOCTOR: Well?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Miss Grant's been captured. She's being held hostage.
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY
(MAILER still holds his gun at JO as VOSPER shouts through an open side door.)
VOSPER: This is your last chance, Governor. You don't let us go - you're going to get it!
MAILER: (Shouts.) And that includes the girl - don't forget that!
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(SUMMERS has calmed down. There is a knock on the GOVERNOR'S door and POWERS enters.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: The prisoner's are getting very noisy, sir. Threatening all the hostages.
DR. SUMMERS: (Pleading.) Victor, you must talk to them.
PRISON GOVERNOR: Aye, you're right. This is a deadlock. Maybe I can make Mailer see some sense. Come on.
(He leads them all out of the office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY
(The stalemate still exists in the main gallery. JO is still held at MAILER'S gunpoint.)
MAILER: (To JO.) ... running after you, darling.
JO: And for you.
(VOSPER runs to MAILER.)
VOSPER: Harry, here comes ... on his way over.
MAILER: Well, let him in.
VOSPER: Eh?
MAILER: Well, I'm not going out there now, am I? Anyway, it's not his style.
VOSPER: He's right. (To a prisoner.) Locke, open the door, let the Governor in.
(VOSPER turns back to MAILER and is muttering to him when he sees something over his shoulder.)
VOSPER: Look!
(MAILER turns. BARNHAM, still in his dressing gown and pyjamas is coming down a spiral staircase to one side of the gallery. He still has a confused look on his face and his transformed and gentle manner.)
MAILER: Barnham!
VOSPER: He's come from the hospital.
BARNHAM: I...I...I'm looking for Dr. Summers. Has anybody seen Dr. Summers?
MAILER: (To VOSPER.) Here...
VOSPER: What?
MAILER: Get him out of here - he gives me the creeps.
VOSPER: Right. (To a prisoner.) Come on mate.
(VOSPER and the prisoner move forward. Whilst MAILER is distracted, JO grabs his arm. MAILER fires and the shot hits the prisoner with VOSPER. JO wrenches MAILERS arm, who drops the gun. JO grabs it and runs to BARNHAM, pointing the gun at VOSPER.)
JO: (To BARNHAM.) Quick! Hide!
(A fight breaks out between the prisoners and the OFFICERS, GREEN punches MAILER who falls at JO'S feet. She points the gun at him.)
JO: All right you, come on, on your feet - up!
(The GOVERNOR'S party break into the wing and rush forward, joining in the various tussles. VOSPER helps MAILER to his feet. Both are covered by JO.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: ... all right, here we go, lads.
(As the breaking up of the riot continues, the GOVERNOR rushes over to JO and her captives.)
JO: Right then, Governor. He's all yours!
(The GOVERNOR is more than a little taken aback...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: EXT. STANGMOOR PRISON
(Smoking another cigar and listening to a discordant tune on his radio receiver, the MASTER approaches the prison in his limousine. It turns into the main gate.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(SENIOR PRISON OFFICER GREEN stands before the GOVERNOR'S desk.)
PRISON GOVERNOR: Now look...
(There is a knock on the door.)
PRISON GOVERNOR: Yes?
(POWERS walks in.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: Professor Keller, sir.
PRISON GOVERNOR: All right, Mr. Green.
SENIOR PRISON OFFICER GREEN: Sir.
(GREEN walks out as the MASTER walks in, briefcase in hand, cheery in manner and his hand held out to the GOVERNOR.)
PRISON GOVERNOR: So, there you are, Professor.
MASTER: A pleasure to see you again, Governor.
PRISON GOVERNOR: Aye, well to tell the truth, I'm not at all sure I can return the compliment.
MASTER: I'm very sorry to hear that - why?
(POWERS holds out his hand for the MASTER coat.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: Shall I, er?
MASTER: Oh, thank you.
(He hands his coat over.)
PRISON GOVERNOR: Ah, there's been nothing but trouble ever since that machine of yours was installed.
MASTER: (Sitting down.) Well, there are bound to be teething troubles. I can soon take care of them.
PRISON GOVERNOR: Ahh? You really think you can get things back to normal.
MASTER: Yes Governor, I'm sure of it.
PRISON GOVERNOR: Well...
MASTER: It just needs an adjustment here and there - that's all.
PRISON GOVERNOR: Aye, I hope you can. We've even got UNIT investigating.
MASTER: UNIT - really?
PRISON GOVERNOR: Yes - their scientific advisor is on his way down here now.
MASTER: I don't think we need to trouble him. As a matter of fact, I've brought my equipment with me.
(He stands up and holds his briefcase.)
PRISON GOVERNOR: Well, let me take you to the process theatre.
MASTER: There is one thing before we go there - I understand that the man who led the riot was next in line for processing?
PRISON GOVERNOR: That's right - Harry Mailer.
MASTER: Well first...I'd like to see him if I may?
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL
(MAILER is washing his face in a basin when the cell door opens and the MASTER, the GOVERNOR and POWERS walk in.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: All right, Johnson, Samuels.
(The two PRISON OFFICERS in the cell with MAILER get up and walk out.)
PRISON OFFICER: Sir.
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: We'll be right outside, Mailer, so watch yourself.
PRISON GOVERNOR: Let us know when you've finished, Professor Keller.
MASTER: Right.
(The GOVERNOR and POWERS leave and close the door. MAILER walks over to the MASTER.)
MAILER: He said "Keller" - you're the bloke who invented the machine. Pushing your luck, ain't you?
MASTER: (Quietly.) Maybe I am.
MAILER: Now listen...
(MAILER holds his hand up to the MASTER who quickly grabs his arm in a nerve lock. MAILER gasps in pain as he sinks to the floor.)
MASTER: Shut up, Mailer! Keep your voice down. I've come here to help you.
MAILER: (Cynical.) Help me?
MASTER: You want to get out of here, don't you?
MAILER: I've tried, mate.
MASTER: Yes, I heard about that pathetic little attempt. It was bound to fail - no proper plan and what's more...
(He opens his briefcase. It contains pistols and gas bombs and gas masks.)
MASTER: ...no resources.
MAILER: (Suspicious.) What's your game?
MASTER: You and I, Mailer, are going to create a great deal of havoc in this place.
(He hands him one of the guns.)
MAILER: Oh yeah? You and me both?
MASTER: No, not exactly. We have a powerful ally...
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE
(The "ally" has burst into life again. Its central perspex drum now seems filled to capacity with whatever it is that exists within the machine...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY
(Locked back into their cells, the prisoners are again shouting, all affected by the mental pulses from the Keller machine. POWERS walks across the upper landing.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: Keep it quiet in here.
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. STAIRCASE OUTSIDE CELL
(POWERS appears at the tope of the staircase. The GOVERNOR is at the bottom, outside MAILER'S cell waiting with the two OFFICERS.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: It's starting up again, sir.
PRISON GOVERNOR: They probably think we're going to process Mailer. (To the OFFICERS.) Stay here, will you?
(They nod and the GOVERNOR ascends the staircase.)
CHIEF PRISON OFFICER POWERS: Keep it quiet, will you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL
(The MASTER hands more items from the briefcase to MAILER. His instructions are partially drowned out by the noise of the shouting prisoners.)
MASTER: Now, you'll find more ... in the boot of my car, and remember - you are responsible for the main gate. Now, from the outside, I want this prison to appear to be running quite smoothly. I'm expecting a visitor. All right?
MAILER: Mmm.
(The MASTER points to the table and chairs on the other side of the cell.)
MASTER: Over there.
(MAILER walks over, gas mask and bombs in his hand and sits on the table, items concealed out of sight. The MASTER walks over to the door and, his weapons behind his back, knocks.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. STAIRCASE OUTSIDE CELL
(One of the waiting OFFICERS opens the inspection hatch in the door.)
MASTER: I've finished in here, thank you. Would you open up?
(The OFFICER closes the hatch.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL
(The MASTER and MAILER don their gas masks. The OFFICER enters and the gas bombs are thrown inside the cell and through the door. Both OFFICERS collapse coughing. MAILER and the MASTER rush out of the cell.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
29: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. STAIRCASE OUTSIDE CELL
(At the top of the staircase, another OFFICER runs for the alarm bell. MAILER shoots him from below but the OFFICER manages to press the alarm. MAILER runs up the stairs and shoots two OFFICERS who are running to attend to the commotion.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MEDICAL WING
(In the hospital, JO is playing cards with SUMMERS and BARNHAM.)
BARNHAM: It's your go.
(The ringing alarm interrupts their game...)
JO: Oh no, not again.
DR. SUMMERS: I'd better see what's happening.
(SUMMERS gets up, as does BARNHAM with a look of panic on his face.)
BARNHAM: Well, what...?
JO: It's all right, Barnham, sit down - everything's okay.
(JO gently pushes him back down and follows DR. SUMMERS into the side office where he picks up s phone.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
31: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY
(The main gallery is filled with smoke. The MASTER throws several bombs down to the lower level where the OFFICERS collapse under their effects. An armed prisoner shoots GREEN at point blank range. Still protected by his mask, the MASTER shouts to the prisoners.)
MASTER: Now listen to me - all of you! Don't try to come out until the gas is clear. Stay where you are! Get down on the floor!
(He goes to a wall phone and attaches a small device to it. Within its workings, there is a flashing light.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
32: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MEDICAL WING
(The device causes a massive feedback of sound through the phone in the prison. JO screams at the noise and SUMMERS drops the handset in pain.)
DR. SUMMERS: What the devil was that?!
JO: Look, I think we'd better get out of here.
(She runs for the door but VOSPER is there with a gun and he grabs her.)
VOSPER: There's no escape this time, darling. We've taken over the whole prison.
[SCENE_BREAK]
33: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY
(The smoke is clearing as the prisoners start to remove the bodies of the dead OFFICERS. The MASTER takes off his mask, checks his watch and walks over to a wall where he switches off the alarm. He closes the switch box with a flourish.)
MASTER: Right Doctor - now I'm ready for you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
34: EXT. STANGMOOR PRISON
(The DOCTOR is parked in Bessie outside the main gate and is getting increasingly impatient with the lack of response. He presses Bessie's horn several times. Eventually a prisoner, dressed as an officer walks out and up to the car. He looks at the DOCTOR impassively.)
DOCTOR: Yes?
MAIN GATE PRISONER: Pass please.
(The DOCTOR hands it over.)
DOCTOR: (Contemptuously.) Passes! Television!
(The CCTV camera stares down at the scene...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
35: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(...which appears on a monitor in the GOVERNOR'S office. On it can be seen the prisoner speaking into his radio.)
MAIN GATE PRISONER: (On monitor.) Pass checked and satisfactory.
(However, it is the MASTER who sits in the GOVERNOR'S chair. He leans towards the monitor and presses an intercom.)
MASTER: Show him in, please.
(He sits back with a satisfied smile.)
MAIN GATE PRISONER: (On monitor.) Open the gate - let him in.
[SCENE_BREAK]
36: EXT. STANGMOOR PRISON.
(The gate is opened and the DOCTOR drives in. MAILER jumps out in front of the car holding a pointed shotgun.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Don't point that thing at me, man! It might go off! I'm here on official business. I understand there's been some trouble here.
MAILER: That's right, mate - and you're in it.
(He walks round the car, sits in the back and places the barrel next to the DOCTOR'S head.)
MAILER: Now let's get this heap inside.
(The DOCTOR brushes the gun to one side.)
DOCTOR: (Coldly.) I was going there anyway.
(He drives on.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
37: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(The MASTER sits with his chair back facing the door to the office. It is opened and VOSPER and MAILER escort the DOCTOR in. He waits as the MASTER swings his chair round.)
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes...yes, I thought as much.
MASTER: Right Vosper, Mailer.
(He nods his head towards the door and the two men leave.)
MASTER: You don't seem at all surprised?
DOCTOR: Hardly.
(He moves round to the visitor's chair and after a wave of invitation from the MASTER, sits himself down.)
DOCTOR: How's the riot going?
MASTER: Oh, long since over. I control the prison now.
DOCTOR: Do you? And, er, where is Miss Grant to be found?
MASTER: Reclining in one of our best cells.
DOCTOR: (His voice rising.) Is she indeed? Well, let me tell you this - that if you harm so much as one hair of her head, Ill...
(He sits forward threateningly but the MASTER pulls out a gun.)
MASTER: You'll do nothing - or I'll put a bullet through both your hearts!
(The DOCTOR puts up his hands up in mock surrender.)
DOCTOR: Why the delay? I take it that I'm to be killed eventually?
MASTER: Oh, eventually, yes. But unfortunately...I find I need your help.
DOCTOR: You want me to help you with that machine of yours. Professor Keller. You want to be careful of that thing, you know. One day it's going to end up killing you.
MASTER: Oh, it won't harm me - I created it.
DOCTOR: Hmm!
MASTER: But recently I must admit that it has developed a mind of its own. Hence my need for your assistance - while I'm engaged on other business.
DOCTOR: Oh? What other business?
MASTER: Your UNIT friends are transporting their nuclear missile. I intend to take it away from them!
[SCENE_BREAK]
38: EXT. MISSILE BASE
(CAPTAIN YATES is on the telephone in a small office on the base. Outside, soldiers are preparing the convoy.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Yes sir - we do plan on driving through the night. Er, in that way, we should be back on schedule, er, according to my estimation by about...midday tomorrow.
[SCENE_BREAK]
39: INT. UNIT LONDON HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) All right, Yates, good luck. Keep HQ informed of your movements. I'll be in contact tomorrow morning.
(He puts the phone down and returns to his papers.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
40: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(The discussion between the DOCTOR, drinking a glass of water, and the MASTER continues...)
DOCTOR: Well, it's a lunatic scheme. Still that's only to be expected.
MASTER: Oh, come, Doctor, how can I possibly fail? I launch the missile, wipe out the peace conference - the world is at war.
DOCTOR: I see.
(He puts the glass on the table, knocking over a jug of water. The MASTER jumps back by impulse and the DOCTOR jumps to his feet and overturns the table. The MASTER runs for the gun but slips on the watery floor. By the time he gets to his feet, the DOCTOR has draped his cloak over the suit of armour. The MASTER shoots at it. The DOCTOR runs for the door, dodging more bullets. He manages to get out of the room in one piece. The MASTER doesn't bother to pursue but instead goes and looks out of the window.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
41: EXT. STANGMOOR PRISON. COURT YARD
(Outside, the DOCTOR dashes behind the cover of parked cars as a prisoner shoots at him from the top of the prison wall. Running from car to car and then into the open, he manages to make a run for safety.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
42: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
(The MASTER finishes watching the incident, makes up his mind and leaves the office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
43: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL
(JO and SUMMERS listen at the door of the cell that they are locked in.)
JO: I'm sure I heard gunfire.
DR. SUMMERS: Perhaps there are still some officers holding out.
JO: Or else the Doctor's come down.
[SCENE_BREAK]
44: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. SIDE ROOM
(The DOCTOR looks through a peep-hole into a side room. Seeing that it is empty he enters it. He carefully opens another door which leads onto the main gallery and enters it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
45: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY
(It is strangely silent and empty.)
DOCTOR: (Calls.) Jo! Jo, where are you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
46: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. CELL
(JO and SUMMERS bang on their cell door having heard his voice.)
JO: Doctor!
DR. SUMMERS: Doctor!
JO: Doctor, we're in here!
DOCTOR: (OOV) Right, I'm coming!
[SCENE_BREAK]
47: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. MAIN GALLERY
(The DOCTOR makes for the main staircase but MAILER bursts out onto the top landing and fires a blast from his shotgun. The DOCTOR runs for cover into the process theatre.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
48: INT. STANGMOOR PRISON. PROCESS THEATRE
(He shuts the doors behind him and then hears a familiar voice...)
MASTER: I thought you'd make for here.
(The DOCTOR turns and sees the MASTER patiently waiting against a wall next to the doors - holding a pair of handcuffs. MAILER bursts into the room.)
MASTER: Hold it Mailer! Let me have that gun.
(He takes the gun off him.)
MASTER: I think you'd better show our patient into the chair, Mailer, and, er...handcuff him into it.
(MAILER takes the cuffs off the MASTER who points the gun at the DOCTOR, forcing him to sit in the chair next to the silent Keller machine. MAILER pinions his hands behind his back and secures him with the handcuffs.)
DOCTOR: May I ask the purpose of this charade?
MASTER: Certainly. You'd better wait outside, Mailer.
(He hands the gun to the convict who leaves the room. The MASTER walks over to the control bank.)
MASTER: As you see...I have affected the necessary repairs.
(He goes back to the DOCTOR and leans over him.)
MASTER: But, before I let you control this machine for me - which I fully intend that you shall - it'll be very interesting to see exactly how long you can hold out against it. Now somewhere, you have, erm...
(He searches his pockets.)
MASTER: Ah-ha.
(The MASTER pulls out the telepathic device that was found on CHIN LEE.)
MASTER: Now this little device, as you know, transmits and amplifies the power of the machine. What you may not know...is that it can be adjusted to turn that power against the wearer - like this.
(He turns the small round piece of machinery and places it behind the DOCTOR'S left ear. He then flicks two switches on the Keller machine itself.)
DOCTOR: You know, this is all very tiresome.
MASTER: Is it?
(He laughs, crosses to the control bank and activates more controls. The lights in the room dim. The MASTER makes for the door but turns back quickly for a parting comment.)
MASTER: Oh, erm...I really would like to stop and watch your nightmares...
DOCTOR: Then why don't you?
MASTER: I have other business as you know. Will you excuse me?
(He leaves closing the doors. The DOCTOR immediately starts to struggle against his imprisonment. Next to him, the machine starts to hum and bleep and burst into life. A look of pain crosses the DOCTOR'S face as he starts to feel the mental waves of fear. Flames appear before him again as he lets out a small cry of terror. Then he hears the all too familiar cry of his most feared enemy - the Daleks...)
DALEK: Destroy! Exterminate! Annihilate! Destroy! Exterminate!
(...and a succession of monsters float past his eyes - a Silurian, a Zarbi, Slaar - the Ice Lord, a War Machine and a Cyberman. The DOCTOR'S cries grow louder and his eyes bulge in terror...) | Plan: A: Chin-Lee; Q: Who has been using the Keller Machine to carry out assassinations? A: the Doctor; Q: Who heads back to Stangmoor to find the Master and Mailer have staged another riot? A: Mailer; Q: Who has the Master teamed up with to stage another riot? Summary: Realising Chin-Lee has been using the power of the Keller Machine to carry out assassinations, the Doctor heads back to Stangmoor, only to find the Master has teamed up with Mailer to stage another riot. |
[Scene: The park. There is a little boy's birthday party there.]
Phoebe: So what are you so afraid of?
Piper: I'm not afraid. I'm not. I'm just not sure.
Prue: Not sure of what?
Phoebe: Josh. He wants to have the talk with Piper.
Prue: What talk?
Phoebe: Three dates, no s*x. There could only be one talk he's talking about. Safe s*x, prior partners, standard dating protocol.
Piper: And s*x equals relationship.
Prue: And you're not sure whether you want to be a couple?
Piper: Well, it's not that I don't like him.
Phoebe: Then what's wrong with being a couple?
Piper: Well, I thought Leo and I were a couple and then we coupled and he took off.
Prue: Yeah, well, men seem to have a different definition of coupling than women do.
Phoebe: I do not think that's why Leo left.
(Dee walks up to the girls.)
Dee: Hey Prue.
Prue: Hey Dee, how are you?
Piper: (to David) Hey, how's the party going?
David: Great. We're playing squish the squash and nobody's been able to catch me. (Prue's phone rings.) Is the cake ready?
Piper: Uh, yeah, give us about five minutes.
David: Awesome. (He runs off.) Hey guys, five minutes until the cake.
Dee: Thanks for doing all this Piper. I never would of been able to afford it.
Piper: Hey, what are friends for? Besides it's worth it just to see the look on David's face.
Phoebe: He's a great kid.
Dee: Yeah, I know.
Prue: So much for my Saturday off. That was Claire. Something at the auction needs to appraised, so I gotta go. I'm so sorry.
Dee/Piper/Phoebe: Bye.
[Cut to the kids playing with a ball. One kid accidentally throws the ball in the bush.]
David: I'll get it. (He runs in the bush and throws the ball back. He hears a cat meowing in the trees. He goes to look and a grimlock jumps out of the bush and grabs him.) Help! Let go of me!
(Prue is walking along the path and sees what's happening. She runs towards David.)
Prue: David, no! (She puts her hands up and the grimlock and David fly around the air. A man just happens to see her. Prue looks at her hands and they fall to the ground. The grimlock grabs David and runs further into the bush.)
David: Help! Help! Let go of me! Help me!
(Prue runs after them. The grimlock stands in a spot and a hole in the ground appears. He jumps in and the hole closes.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: The park. The police are there. Dee is crying.]
Phoebe: What did you tell them?
Prue: That I saw a butcher with whirling eyes take David.
Phoebe: And what did he say?
Prue: What did you think he said? He thought I was nuts.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, it turns out David's not the first one to be taken. An inspector told me that another boy disappeared yesterday in the exact same spot.
Prue: A demon who steals kids. Does it get any worse?
Phoebe: Uh, yeah, apparently it also happened twenty years ago. Same park, two kids.
Prue: Did they ever find the kids?
Phoebe: I don't know.
Prue: You know, I could of saved him.
Phoebe: Prue, don't go there.
Prue: No, I was just so surprised and I looked down at my hand and ...
Phoebe: It was the first time you channelled your power through your hand. Give yourself a break. Your power's growing.
Prue: Yeah, I just hope no one saw me.
Phoebe: Okay, well, look on the bright side, you won't have to squint anemone. You were starting to get those little lines. (Piper comes up to them.) So, how's Dee doing?
Piper: Not good. It's very frustrating not being able to tell her who we are and how we can help.
Prue: Yeah, well, the sooner we get to the Book of Shadows the sooner we can get David back home.
Phoebe: An albino demon with whirling eyes sounds like a whole chapter to me.
(Prue's phone rings.)
Prue: I forgot about the appraisal.
Piper: Uh, it's okay, just go. Phoebe and I will look in the book and we'll call you if we find anything.
Prue: Are you sure?
Phoebe: Don't ya just hate cell phones? Always out of range.
(She hangs up the phone.)
Prue: Call me.
[Scene: Underground in the storm drains.]
David: Help! Help me! Let go of me! (One of the grimlocks have a hold of David. The other grimlock holds his hand in front of David's face. A blue light shines in his eyes. It looks as if they're taking his eyesight.) I can't see. Why can't I see? Mum! Mum?
[Scene: Halliwell house. Piper's looking through the Book of Shadows and Phoebe's on the computer.]
Piper: Nothing. (She closes the book and starts getting food out of the cupboards.)
Phoebe: Did you look under whirling eyes?
Piper: About an hour ago. I found demons with no eyes, demons with four eyes, eyes that grow legs, but no whirling eyes. What about you?
Phoebe: I found some newspaper clippings about the kidnapping twenty years ago. Ah, both were taken in the same place as David. And one of them were never seen again.
Piper: Oh, great.
Phoebe: But the other one was found. It's right here. His name was, uh, Brent Miller. Look, honey, I know you're upset but that's not going to help you.
Piper: It's not for me, it's for Dee, I'm taking her a care package. Keep reading.
Phoebe: Brent Miller was discovered two days after he was taken, roaming the streets. He was fine accept he'd gone blind.
Piper: Blind?
Phoebe: Yeah, he claimed that some storm drain monsters stole his eyesight and of course the authority's believed he just caught a parasite.
Piper: We can't tell Dee that her son might be blinded.
Phoebe: Well, maybe if I can find this Brent Miller guy on the web he might know something that can help us.
Piper: I hope you're right.
Phoebe: Piper, we're gonna find David.
[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. A reporter enters.]
Reporter: Prue Halliwell?
Prue: Yes.
Reporter: Hi. Eric Lohman. Bay Weekly alternative press. Have you heard of us?
Prue: Sorry.
Eric: Oh, well, you will. Listen, I was hoping might be able to help me with a story I'm working on.
Prue: On the auction business?
Eric: No, actually on magic.
Prue: Magic? Why would you come to me?
Eric: I don't know. Maybe because I saw you levitate two people in the park with just a wave of your hand. I take that as a no comment. So what are you anyway? Some kind of David Copperfield, Lance Burton, freak of nature? (He laughs.)
Prue: I don't know what you're talking about.
Eric: Look, Prue, friends call you Prue, right?
Prue: I would like for you to leave.
Eric: Well, tough, get over it. I had my police sources check you out. It's interesting how you name keeps popping up in all these unsolved murder cases.
Prue: What does that have to do with anything?
Eric: Maybe nothing. But if I wrote an article on it, it might look like something. Does your boss subscribe to my paper?
Prue: Don't threaten me.
Eric: What are you gonna do? Make me fly into the wall? (He laughs) Come on. (He knocks a glass bowl on the floor.) How clumsy of me. I bet that took a lot of self control, huh? Not using your powers.
Prue: You're a credit to your profession.
Eric: You know that kid saw what I saw too. (She picks up the phone.) Cops get him, his all the co-operating evidence I need.
Prue: Security?
(Eric hangs up the phone.)
Eric: Prue, be smart. Work with me. I'm gonna break this story one way or another. I can either make you sound like Wonder Woman or the devil incarnate. Okay? Think about it. (He leaves.)
[Scene: Brent Miller's place.]
Housekeeper: Mr Miller will be in shortly.
Phoebe: Wow, what a great view. You can smell the ocean.
(Brent enters the room with a seeing eye dog.)
Brent: And hear the traffic.
Phoebe: Uh, Brent Miller?
Brent: That's what they tell me.
Phoebe: Hi. I'm Phoebe Halliwell.
Brent: Phoebe, allow me to introduce you to Hamlet.
Phoebe: He's beautiful. So is this place.
Brent: Yeah, well, didn't think a blind guy could live is well, huh?
Phoebe: Oh, no, that's not what I meant at all.
Brent: I know you didn't. I design software for the visually impaired. Life has been good to me. So, how can I, how can I help you Phoebe?
Pheobe: Actually, I wanted to talk to you about when you were kidnapped as a child.
Brent: I'm sorry, I'm not uh, I'm not very comfortable talking about that.
Phoebe: I understand, but I read a lot about it.
Brent: I said I'm not interested in talking about it.
Phoebe: Okay, but this just isn't for me ...
Brent: I said no!
(His dog barks and the housekeeper comes in.)
Housekeeper: Is everything alright, Mr. Miller?
Brent: Yes, Lucy please just uh, show this lady to the front door.
Phoebe: No, you know what? I'm not leaving. It's happening again. In the last twenty-four hours two little boys were kidnapped in the same park you were. Maybe by the same monsters you were.
Brent: It's alright Lucy. (she takes the dog in another room.) You believe my story about the monsters?
Phoebe: Yes, I do.
Brent: Why? When everyone else's laughed at me.
Phoebe: Well, maybe it's because I've seen my share of monster's and I haven't told anybody about them because I didn't want them to laugh at me. Mr. Miller, I know you wouldn't want what happened to you to happen to these two little boys. Please.
Brent: There were two of them. They were terrifying creatures really. They dragged me into a storm drain to a junction of some kind. They held me down, I remember blue sparks hitting my face. My eyes felt like they were on fire and uh, that was the last thing I ever saw.
Phoebe: Why do you think they took your eyesight?
Brent: I don't know. But I remember them saying something like auras.
[Scene: People are coming out of a building. You see two grimlocks in the drain watching the people. They pick a guy and start choking him by using their powers.]
[Scene: Halliwell house. Piper is sitting on the stairs searching through the Book of Shadows. Phoebe sits down next to her.]
Piper: Auras, auras. I know I saw something in here. Here it is, auras. Grimlocks.
Phoebe: (reads from the book) Underground demons who roam city to city killing powerful forces of good by seeing the unique auras that surround them.
Piper: Which they're able to do by stealing the sight of innocent children.
Phoebe: So, there like hit men for the dark side.
Piper: The stolen eyesight will only last twenty-four hours but only if the children are alive. Which means we have less than fourteen hours. To destroy a grimlock gather a chisandra root ...
Prue: (from downstairs) Piper! Phoebe! (They go downstairs.)
Phoebe: Uh oh, I know that look.
Piper: What's wrong?
Prue: A reporter saw me use my powers in the park and he's threatening to write an article about it.
Phoebe: What? Does he have any proof?
Prue: Just what he saw.
Phoebe: So it's your word against his.
Prue: Yeah, the difference is, his word is delivered to a half a million homes each week.
Piper: Well, everything happens for a reason, maybe it's time we let the world know about us.
Prue: Piper, being outted would only make our lives worse.
Piper: We don't know that. At least I could tell Dee what we're doing and at least give her some hope.
Phoebe: No, Prue's right. If we're exposed we're gonna have every crazy hounding us day and night.
Prue: Not to mention the media circus on our front lawn. Remember E.T?
Piper: Well, we can't worry about that now, we have to find those boys. I'm gonna go see Josh and see if he has a map or something of the storm drain system.
Prue: Storm drains?
Phoebe: It's where these demons live.
Prue: Well, there's got to be at least hundreds of miles of storm drains in the city.
Phoebe: Well, I'll go talk to Brent again and see whether he can remember where the Grimlocks took him.
Prue: Brent?
Piper: Prue, the Book of Shadows said the only way to kill a Grimlock is to blind it with a potion made from chisandra root. Can you find some?
Prue: Yeah, I'll try. As long as that reporter isn't following me.
Phoebe: Okay, be back soon. (They open the door.) Hey, what if Josh wants to have the talk?
Piper: I'll tell him I have a headache.
[Scene: Police station. Andy walks up to Morris with two cappuccino's.]
Andy: Anything on the night sheet?
Morris: Medical examiner. (Andy gives him his cappuccino) Thanks. Sent this over. It's Jerry Cartwright. Donated millions to the city anti-drug program.
Andy: And he's saying that he was murdered?
Morris: Unless we tell him otherwise. It's listed in the CLD as a strangulation. The problem is the man dies in a crowd of people and nobody saw anyone lay a hand on him.
(Eric enters the room.)
Eric: Inspector Trudeau.
Andy: Ohh ...
Eric: Eric Lohman. Bay Weekly.
Morris: He's all yours. (He leaves.)
Andy: I know who you are. What do you want?
Eric: Um, a cup of coffee would be great. (Andy gives him a look.) Okay. What do you say I pick your brain about Prue Halliwell. Name ring a bell? It should. Her name keeps popping up in a lot of your murder cases. A lot of the unsolved ones.
Andy: Is that a fact?
Eric: I've got my sources. Cops love to talk. Especially if you pay them enough.
Andy: Get the hell outta here.
Eric: So, I assume you know all about Prue's unusual powers, right?
Andy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Eric: Yeah, right, that's what she said too. Did you two rehearse your stories or what? I saw her in action in the park, Trudeau. She waved her hands and magically suspended that David Hasher kid and his kidnapper in mid air. It was, it was very cool. I just wish I had my camera. Care to comment?
Andy: No.
Eric: Okay, I'll just change my story to a police cover up instead.
Andy: I'm not covering up anything.
Eric: Really? Great. Then I guess you got nothing to worry about. Just remember, I gave you a chance to work with me. (He leaves.)
Morris: What was that about?
Andy: Nothing. You're gonna have to handle the emmy case on your own.
Morris: Why? Where you going?
Andy: I'm assigning myself to kidnappings.
[Scene: Josh's place.]
Josh: Why exactly do you need this?
Piper: Ah, ah, a client at Quake is uh, thinking of throwing an underground rave and we might cater it.
Josh: A party in a storm drain?
Piper: Yeah, he uh, runs a roder ruder type company, it's kind of a theme thing.
Josh: Yeah, well, sounds dank. Like anyway, as long as you're here. Can we talk?
Piper: Uh, maybe later. I have to go.
Josh: No, Piper. It can not wait.
Piper: Somebody's a little anxious, huh?
Josh: This is important, it could affect the rest of my life.
Piper: Well, not if we take precautions.
Josh: What?
Piper: I'm not saying I'm ready for that, in fact I'm not ready for that. But when I am ready for that, I'm just saying I will be taking precautions.
Josh: Piper, what are you talking about?
Piper: Uh, having s*x. You're not talking about that are you? (He shakes his head.) What are you talking about?
Josh: My leaving.
Piper: Leaving?
Josh: Yeah, I got offered a job down in Beverly Hills. I mean it's not exactly my dream but it's a good opportunity. Look, my point is if I thought that we had a future.
Piper: Josh, this is all happening a little too fast.
Josh: Yeah, I know, I know, and I'm sorry but like it or not you're in this vote. Now if you don't want me to go, I won't.
(Piper freezes him.)
Piper: Okay, we need to talk about this, if I ask you to stay then we're a couple and I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a couple, but if I tell you to leave and we could of been a good couple then, then I'll never know. I need more time. (She gets her phone out and starts dialing. Josh unfreezes and his phone rings.)
Josh: Uh, hold that thought. (He picks up the phone.) Yeah, hello.
(Piper grabs the maps and runs out the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Brent's place. Phoebe is there.]
Brent: I remember their faces. It's like a nightmare that never ends. They took me into this big area and there were a lot of pipes. I'm sorry, that's really all I remember.
Phoebe: That's okay, Brent.
Brent: You're disappointed.
Phoebe: No, no, not at all.
Brent: Someone that can see your face might believe you but your voice tells a different story.
Phoebe: Gave me away, huh?
Brent: You have a beautiful smile, Phoebe.
Phoebe: How can you tell?
Brent: I hear it in your voice, I can see it in my mind. (Phoebe touches Brent's arm and she has a premonition of a little boy in the storm drain.) What's the matter? Are you okay?
Phoebe: I'm fine. Um, Brent, when they took you were you wearing a sweat shirt with jeans and black high tops?
Brent: Yeah, I think I was. How did you ...?
Phoebe: And when you escaped were you running through water?
Brent: Yes, I remember that, in a tunnel.
Phoebe: Okay, Brent, I need you to think really hard. Do you remember anything, anything at all about that location? Did you hear anything or feel anything?
Brent: All I remember is this, uh, sound of this enormous generator and maybe some cable cars.
Phoebe: Cable cars?
Brent: Yeah.
Phoebe: Hey, do you have a map? Oh, oh! I'm so, that was so stupid.
Brent: No, I actually do have a map of that area. It's over here. What are we looking for exactly?
Phoebe: I don't know. Cable car turn around maybe. That generator that you heard could of been a power plant. (He gets a book and starts flipping through the pages.)
Brent: Right. See, on this map, okay, there are two turn arounds on this page and uh, right, here it is. There's a power plant right there on Verik.
Phoebe: How can you tell?
Brent: Well, give me your hand. Okay, feel these three horizontal bumps followed by the two vertical. On this map that's the symbol for a power plant.
Phoebe: I better go.
Brent: Phoebe, how'd you know what I was wearing and where I was running? Are you some kind of psychic?
Phoebe: Like, only different.
Brent: Right. That's how you've seen all these other monsters that you mentioned isn't it? Phoebe, you're a good person. That probably means you have a strong aura. Be careful with those monsters.
Phoebe: Don't worry, I will.
[Scene: Underground in the storm drains.]
David: Don't worry Billy. My mum's got a friend that has super natural powers. She'll get us outta here.
Grimlock: Shut up!
[Scene: Bucklands. Prue's office. She's talking on the phone.]
Prue: Did you hear on the radio about that philanthropist that got mysteriously strangled?
[Cut to Piper in her car.]
Piper: It's gotta be the grimlocks. That's how they kill. We're running outta time, we've got less than three hours. Did you get the chisandra root?
Prue: No, but I'm leaving now to pick it. Um, look, did Phoebe get anything out of Brent Miller that might help us?
Piper: Um, I'm not sure.
Andy: (Who's now standing at the doorway) Who's Brent Miller?
Piper: Prue?
Prue: I gotta go. (She hands up the phone.) Andy, hi, what are you doing here?
Andy: Working out the kidnapping's. Thought we should talk.
Prue: Well, I've already told the police everything I know about that.
Andy: Not according to Eric Lohman you didn't. He stopped by the station. We had an interesting chat.
Prue: Yeah, well, he's a reporter trying to make a name for himself. Can't believe anything he says.
Andy: Normally I don't. This time I do. We've been down this road too many times, Prue. I know you're hiding something. I have my suspicions about what it is. But I've come to accept the fact that you can't ell me or you don't wanna tell me. Either way, it's not just me anymore. Lohman's on you, at least he thinks he is and he's not gonna let go. Prue, if you don't level with me now I can't help you control this.
Prue: Andy, I'm just never sure if it's better for you to know or not to know.
Andy: I remember the time when we could tell each other everything. There's nothing Lohman won't do to get this story. Watch your back. (He leaves towards the door.)
Prue: Andy. Thanks.
[Scene: Phoebe is at an opening to the storm drains.]
Phoebe: Bingo.
(She runs off.)
[Scene: Piper pulls up outside their house. She runs up the stairs and Prue gets out of her car.]
Piper: Did you get it?
Prue: Yep, I got it.
Piper: What's wrong?
Prue: Andy stopped by my office after Lohman stopped by his. I think he told Andy about my powers.
Piper: Uh oh. What did you do?
Prue: Same as I always do, I danced around the truth. It just doesn't feel right anymore.
(Piper sees a pram roll down next door's driveway right in front of a truck. She freezes it just in time.)
Piper: Oh my God!
(They run down to the road.)
Prue: Where is the mother?
(They look inside the pram. It's empty.)
Piper: Oh, thank God.
Prue: Wait a second, since when did the Johnson's get a baby? That damn reporter. (They see Eric with a camera hiding behind a wall and bushes.) Look.
Piper: Okay, uh, confused.
Prue: Alright, that's Lohman. This is a setup. We need to get back to where we were before everything unfreezes. Go! (They run back in front of their house.) Okay, don't forget to put your hands up. (Everything unfreezes.) Don't look, just go inside. (They do so. Eric rewinds his camera and plays it several times.)
Eric: Purse on right shoulder. Then on left shoulder. Purse on right shoulder. Purse on left shoulder. She has another power. Gotcha! Gotcha.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Halliwell house. Phoebe runs up the stairs outside and goes into their house. You see the reporter sitting outside in his car. Cut to inside.]
Piper: Is he still out there?
Prue: Unfortunately.
Phoebe: Hey, you guys, I think I found the entrance to the storm drain. What's going on?
Prue: Didn't you see that guy parked out front in his car?
Phoebe: Yes.
Prue: Yeah, well, that's the reporter I told you about. He's staking us out.
Phoebe: What?
Piper: He tricked us into using our powers and nearly caught us.
Prue: But fortunately we figured out what he was doing before he could get any proof.
Phoebe: Oh, thank God.
Piper: The only problem is how are we gonna be out looking for David when he's camped outside. We have less than two hours.
(The doorbell rings. Prue answers the door.)
Eric: Hey, how's it going? Mind if I use your bathroom? (She tries to shut the door.) Hey, don't bother using your magical powers on me. I already hid the video tape.
Prue: What video tape?
Eric: Yeah, you know, best I could guess is somehow one of you stopped time. Or rewound it. I don't know. What I do know is I got the whole thing on tape.
Prue: You're bluffing.
Eric: Am I? How do explain your sisters purse magically jumping to her right shoulder to her left shoulder instantaneously. You screwed up. And I got the proof. Okay, now here's the deal. I already got my story ready to print. But all I really want now from you is a tell all exclusive. I'll write the book, we can share in movie rights, foreign sales, distribution ... (Prue pushes him outside and closes the door.) Okay, I'll just wait outside until you're ready to talk.
Phoebe: What are we gonna do?
Prue: Alright, look, I will stay here and finish the potions, you guys go try and find the boys. To buy us some time, keep on freezing those grimlocks, okay, until I get there.
Piper: What about Lohman?
Prue: Don't worry about him, I'll stop him from following you. (She goes outside.) Lohman. I've been thinking about what you said. Maybe we can work something out.
Eric: Yeah? Why don't I believe you?
(You see Phoebe and Piper sneaking towards the car.)
Prue: Oh, I don't know, maybe it's your reporter instincts. (You hear and see Phoebe and Piper drive off.) Oops, busted.
Eric: Nice try. (He runs towards his car and Prue uses her powers and a garden tool gets shoved in his car tyre which flattens it.) Whoa! You did that didn't you. I know you did that.
Prue: Really? Prove it.
[Scene: In the storm drains. Piper steps in a puddle.]
Piper: Eww, I'm not wearing the right shoes for this. Okay, talk about all roads leading to hell.
(Phoebe gets out her map.)
Phoebe: Ah, light, light. (Piper turns on a torch.) Brent said he remembered a big area with pipes. Oh, wait, here's a pipe junction. That way. (They keep walking.) So, I guess this isn't a good time to ask how it went with Josh and the talk?
Piper: You're right, it's not.
[Scene: Brent's place.]
Brent: Inspector Trudeau.
Andy: Yes, Mr. Miller.
Brent: My housekeeper said you wanted to talk to me. Is it about the kidnappings?
Andy: Maybe. Has a Prue Halliwell come to talk to you by any chance?
Brent: No. But I have spoken to a Phoebe Halliwell.
Andy: Really?
Brent: I think I know where she went if that'll help you.
[Scene: In the storm drains.]
Piper: I never knew anything could smell so bad.
Phoebe: Now there's a good sign. (She sees a sign.)
Piper: Meaning?
Phoebe: I saw it in a vision that I had of Brent.
(They see a rat.)
Phoebe/Piper: Eww, eww!
(Piper falls into a big hole in the ground and is knocked unconscious.)
Phoebe: Piper! Piper! Piper! Are you okay? Oh my God. Oh God. (She covers the hole with a piece of board.) Piper, I'll get help.
[Scene: Prue is in the kitchen making the potion.]
Prue: I feel like I should be cackling. (The phone rings.) Hello.
Phoebe: Prue. Uh, Piper's hurt and I can't get to her.
Prue: Uh, okay, where are you?
Phoebe: At the end of Verik street. Hurry okay, and don't forget the potion.
Prue: I'm on my way.
(She grabs the potion and goes outside. The reporter has done something to the engine of the car.)
Eric: Didn't want you to leave me behind like your sisters did.
Prue: Fix it now.
Eric: Or what? You're gonna hurt me? Go ahead, just let me get you in focus.
Prue: Look, I don't have time for this, alright. Piper is hurt and two boys' lives are at stake.
Eric: Do you know where they are?
Prue: Yes. Alright, you win.
Eric: What's my prize?
Prue: I'm a witch with magical powers.
Eric: A witch? Witch? (He laughs) Great, great. Let's go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Outside the storm drains. Phoebe is waiting for Prue. Prue's car pulls up and they get out of the car.]
Phoebe: What is he doing here?
Eric: Making my career.
Prue: I didn't have a choice. Where's Piper?
Phoebe: She's in here, this way, come on.
Prue: You just stay here alright, it's too dangerous.
Eric: No, no, no. I'm coming with ya.
Prue: No! Look, there is too many lives at stake here including my sisters. I will not have you risking them.
Eric: Okay, I'll just wait out here.
(The girls go in and Eric follows.)
[Cut to inside the storm drains. A grimlock is walking around near Piper.]
Piper: (from the hole) Phoebe, is that you? (The grimlock hears her and moves the piece of board.) Phoebe?
(He starts choking her with his powers. Phoebe and Prue come running in.)
Phoebe: Prue! (Prue uses her powers to hit him with a bit of pipe. He runs away.) Nice.
[Cut to outside. Andy pulls up in his car and goes inside.]
Eric: This is Eric Lohman reporting live. I'm in a storm drain underground following three sisters, all of them witches. As they look for children who may have been abducted. My strange ...
(A grimlock appears and strangles Eric.)
[Cut to Prue, Piper and Phoebe. Prue is using her powers to lift Piper out of the hole.]
Piper: Ow, ow, ow!
Prue: We'll get you outta here.
Piper: No, no.
Prue: Look, Piper, just up to the street. Okay, Phoebe and I will come right back with the boys.
Phoebe: Come on, lean on me, honey.
(They start walking back to the street.)
[Cut to Andy. He is looking around the drains. He sees Eric lying on the ground. A grimlock walks up behind them. He sees it and shoots it but it doesn't do anything. The grimlock grabs Andy and Prue gets there just in time.]
Prue: Andy! (She uses her powers and the grimlock flies through the air.) You okay?
Andy: Yeah, thanks. So what Lohman saw you do was true?
(Phoebe and Piper appear.)
Phoebe: Andy, what are you doing here?
Andy: Confirming my suspicions.
Prue: He knows. A grimlock tried to kill him.
Andy: What the hell's a grimlock?
Prue: It's a demon.
Andy: A demon.
Prue: Yeah, um, look, Andy, I need you to get Piper upon the street, okay?
Piper: No, Prue, I want to stay, I need to help.
Prue: No, you are far too weak to use your powers.
Andy: Her too?
Prue: Look, Andy, will you please just get her out of here.
Andy: Prue, I'm not leaving the two of you alone.
Prue: Do I have to use my power on you?
Andy: I'll meet you up on the street.
(Andy helps Piper to the street.)
Prue: (to Piper) You'll be okay. (Prue sees the video tape for the camera next to Eric on the ground. She picks it up and puts it in her pocket.) Okay, we should be coming up on a feeder drain right about now.
(A grimlock stands in front of them and they scream. Phoebe opens one of the jars of potion and throws it on the grimlock. It melts away.)
Prue: Great, just what we need. More toxic waste in our sewers. That went well.
Phoebe: Yeah. (They keep walking.) David!
(They split off into different directions.)
David: Please help me.
Phoebe: David. Oh God. Prue! I found them. (The other grimlock sees Prue and starts choking her. She drops the bottle of potion.) Prue!
(Phoebe hits the grimlock over the head with a piece of pipe. He then starts choking Phoebe. Prue uses her powers to splash the potion onto the grimlock. He melts away.)
Prue: Are you okay?
Phoebe: Are you okay?
Prue: Yeah, where's David.
Phoebe: Over there.
David: I can see. I can see you. I knew you had magic powers.
Prue: Come on, get your friend and let's get out of here, okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Police station.]
Morris: Exactly how did you know the kids were down there again?
Andy: Anonymous tip.
Morris: And what about the kidnappers?
Andy: Kidnappers? There weren't any kidnappers. Kids followed a kitten into the storm drain. Got lost.
Morris: Really? How do you explain finding Lohman down there with a broken neck?
Andy: Must of slipped when he went down there after them. Anything for a story. That's too bad.
Morris: Yeah, real shame. You don't really expect me to believe all this do you?
Andy: For now.
Phoebe: Have they said anything?
Prue: No, they just got back from the hospital but who knows what they'll say once the police start questioning them.
Phoebe: So much for our secret. (to Piper) Hey, you okay?
Piper: Yeah, I was just thinking when I was in the storm drain I was kinda out of it and I kept thinking about Leo. That's weird.
Phoebe: Maybe you miss him.
Piper: Maybe.
Prue: What are you gonna do about Josh?
Piper: I'm gonna call him and tell him I think he should take the job in Beverly Hills.
Phoebe: But sweetie, you can't hold out for Leo, I mean, who knows of he's ever gonna come back.
Piper: I know. He may not. But if I'm thinking about Leo, than I'm definitely not thinking about Josh.
Phoebe: That's too bad, he had really nice glutes. There's Brent. Hey Brent! Ah, over here. Hi.
Brent: Hi.
Phoebe: Where's your dog?
Brent: (He takes off his sunglasses.) He's retired.
Phoebe: You can see? But how did that ...?
Brent: I don't know, I mean you tell me. I mean someone must of slayed those monsters. Do you know anything about it? (Phoebe pretends to zip her mouth closed.) That's alright. If anyone knows the danger of telling amazing stories, I sure do. I was right, you do have a beautiful smile. Are those the boys?
Pheobe: Yeah.
Brent: Maybe I should have a little talk with them.
Phoebe: That would be so great. Thank you.
Brent: No. Thank you.
(Andy walks up to Prue.)
Prue: So, now you know.
Andy: Yeah. It's still sinking in.
Prue: Where do we go from here?
Andy: That's a good question.
(Lots of reporters come up to Andy with cameras wanting to ask him questions.) | Plan: A: a kidnapping; Q: What did Prue try to stop in the park? A: her strong telekinetic abilities; Q: What does Prue use to separate David from the demon? A: the demons; Q: Who do the sisters vanquish? A: Grimlocks; Q: What demons steal children's eyesight? A: people's auras; Q: What do Grimlocks sense? A: the reporter; Q: Who tries to expose Prue and the sisters? A: their powers; Q: What does Andy find out about the sisters? A: the truth; Q: What did a former victim of the Grimlocks convince the children they rescued not to tell? A: whose vision; Q: What is stolen in the episode "Blindsided"? Summary: When Prue tries to stop a kidnapping in the park during a birthday party, a reporter sees her using her strong telekinetic abilities to psionically separate David from the demon. Phoebe and Piper attempt to learn more about the demons who stole the child, who turn out to be Grimlocks, demons which sense people's auras and steal children's eyesight. At the same time, they must try to stop the reporter from exposing Prue and themselves. The sisters are not exposed, but Andy does find out about their powers. The sisters vanquish the demons and a former victim of theirs who survived convinces the children they rescued not to tell the truth. This episode is alternately titled "Blindsided" as reference to the children whose vision is stolen |
Klaus (voiceover): My siblings and I are the first vampires in all of history, the Originals. Unlike them I am a hybrid, half vampire, half werewolf. 300 years ago we helped build New Orleans. Now we've returned. Drawn back by a coven of witches, who've threatened the woman carrying my child.
Agnes: That baby will bring death to us all.
Klaus (voiceover): My brother Elijah dealt with them.
Elijah: No one hurts my family and lives.
Klaus (voiceover): We thought Hayley would be safe.
Marcel: I am Marcel. I don't think we've met.
Elijah: Hayley's gone. Where is she?
Rebekah: What?
Klaus: Marcel was here.
Klaus (voiceover): We were wrong.
ABATTOIR: Fight Night - "You know how sentimental I am about old friends."
[In the courtyard of the Abattoir, hundreds of vampires have concregated in a crowd as they talk to each other and drink. Marcel appears on a balcony.]
Marcel: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Fight Night! And, the first rule of Fight Night is: The vampire left standing at the end of the night is one step closer to the inner circle, and one of these [holds up hand], a daylight ring. If you can impress me with a little ultra-violence, you too can enjoy the warmth of the sun on your face. All you got to do is kick a little ass. Here we go!
[All the vampires form a circle as they wait for the announcement of the fighters]
Marcel: Our first two contenders: Felicia and Otto!
[Felicia and Otto fight, as the rest of the vampires cheer them on. At one point it appears that Otto has the upper-hand, but ultimately Felicia wins the fight.]
Marcel: Damn, girl! Not bad!
[Suddenly, Klaus and Elijah enter the courtyard. Klaus walks behind Felicia and snaps her neck. The whole room goes silent]
Klaus: Good evening! I'd like a word.
Marcel: What do you think you're doing?
Elijah: It appears that we've interrupted a collection of filthy amateurs! We've come here for the girl. Give it to us or ... we kill everyone here. Starting with you.
Marcel: You two got a lot of nerve, coming into my home and making demands.
Klaus: Your home, is it?
Elijah: The girl! I will not ask again.
Marcel: I assume you're talking about Hayley? Yea high, dark hair, bitchy attitude? Who is she, anyway?
Klaus: She's an old friend. You know how sentimental I am about old friends.
Marcel: Well, I ain't got her. And before you start whining, I did pay her a little visit earlier tonight. I was feeling nostalgic, so I took a trip out to the plantation where I used to be a slave. And, imagine my surprise when I realized that the Original family of vampires had taken up residence. Your girl, Hayley, answered the door, we exchanged hellos, that was it. You don't believe me? Look around. Hell, I'll even help you find her. But the question that I'd ask is: if Hayley isn't here, then where is she?
THE BAYOU--TYLER'S CAR - "Shut up."
[Hayley wakes up in the trunk of an SUV with her wrists bound. She tries to kick out the back window to escape. Tyler stops the car and gets out to check the trunk. When he opens it, he tries to grab her, but she fights back by kicking at him]
Tyler: Seriously?
Hayley: Tyler?
Tyler: You don't wanna fight me, Hayley. You know you can't beat a hybrid.
[He zipties her ankles so she can't run away]
Hayley: Aahh! Let me go, you backstabbing half-breed piece of shi-
Tyler: Shut up!
[Tyler pulls Hayley out of the trunk and throws her over his shoulder. As he walks down the road, his hybrid eyes come out due to his anger and frustration]
STARTING CREDITS
ABATTOIR: Fight Night - "You do realize they can hear you?" - "You do realize I don't care?"
[Elijah and Klaus are sitting in the backyard.]
Elijah: Not the most attractive community, are they?
Klaus: You do realize they can hear you?
Elijah: You do realize I don't care?
[Marcel appears, followed by some vampires, and the witch, Sabine]
Marcel: You know, Elijah, I liked you better in that box. [turns to Klaus] But Klaus, my sire, you I owe the world, and I always show respect to my elders. If your special lady friend is missing, you could benefit from the help of a witch. And, since I control all the witches in this town, I'll grant you one little locator spell. Sabine's the best guide in the Quarter. Need to find someone? I guarantee, she's your girl.
[Marcel turns to leave them to their business]
Klaus: Where are you going?
Marcel: I hate to cut this short, but the sun's coming up soon. My nightwalkers need to get inside, and I have got a city to run. I leave you to track down your lost sheep.
Elijah: [to Sabine] Can you find her?
Sabine: I can try.
THE BAYOU--WEREWOLF ENCAMPMENTS
[Tyler drops Hayley on the front stoop of a little shack]
Hayley: What is this place?
Tyler: The armpit of Louisiana.
[Tyler pulls a knife out of his pocket]
Hayley: What are you gonna do with that?
Tyler: Depends on you.
[He cuts the zipties on her ankles]
Hayley: Hey, you attacked me, remember? You ambushed me, in my own backyard.
Tyler: It's not your backyard, it's Klaus'! You're shacked up in that mansion with that psycho. A long way from the girl I've met in the Appalachians, helping other werewolves.
Hayley: Tyler, I'm sorry, but a lot has happened since the last time I saw you.
Tyler: You mean that you're pregnant? A hybrid baby, yeah, I know all about it. I've been roaming around the bayou, asking questions. Let me tell you what I learned! [He pulls down Hayley's sweater-sleeve so we can see the birthmark on her shoulder] This crescent birthmark means you come from a big-shot family. Some kind of royalty for the werewolves of this region. And right here [gestures around him], this is all that's left of them.
[They both look around, and see more shacks and tents made of blankets. Hayley spots a girl standing nearby]
Hayley: Hey!
[The woman is startled and immediately runs away]
Hayley: Help me!
Tyler: They can't help you! They're in the woods, hiding, because they were persecuted for decades by vampires.
[Another werewolf, Dwayne, appears]
Dwayne: Is that her?
Tyler: Yeah, Dwayne. Get her inside.
Hayley: Tyler? Tyler!
ABATTOIR--COURTYARD
[Sabine waves her hands over a map, where a puddle of Klaus' blood traces from their current location, to where Hayley is in the bayou] Sabine: She's in the back country. Way up, past Houma, deep in the bayou.
Elijah: I don't suppose you could be more precise?
Klaus: What's the matter, Elijah? You're worried a bit of splashing about in the bog might ruin your expensive shoes?
Elijah: As a matter of fact, after my recent confinement, I could use a decent stroll through the countryside.
Sabine: There are stories of exiled werewolves, encampments. If Hayley went out that far, chances are she went to find them.
Klaus: Clearly, she hopes to make the acquaintance of more like herself. I suppose our company wasn't good enough for her.
[Elijah looks at Sabine worriedly]
NIGHTWALKER BAR
[Josh is sitting at a table, drinking and watching a group of vampires play drinking games, when Marcel approaches him] Marcel: You could always join them, you know.
Josh: Uh, drinking games? It's not really my thing. It kind of reminds me of the jocks in my high school. We had a pretty high quota of what you'd call "douche-nozzles."
Marcel: [smiles] Bullies, huh?
Josh: Yeah.
Marcel: Wonder what'd happen if you saw those guys now. I bet you'd tear them apart, right?
Josh: Ah, yeah, totally. Ha probably go all vamp ninja on them.
Marcel: Hahaha! You're a funny guy, Josh. In fact, I thought it was really funny last night, you know, seeing you at that plantation where Klaus is staying.
[Josh quickly gets up and goes to run away, but is blocked by several other vampires]
Marcel: Oh, hoho, hahaha! You going somewhere, Josh?
THE BAYOU--WEREWOLF ENCAMPMENTS
[Klaus and Elijah continue their search for Hayley near the werewolf encampments] Klaus: You seem quite determined to find the little wolf.
Elijah: If I'm moving too fast for you, Niklaus, you're welcome to wait in the car. Do be certain to leave the windows down.
Klaus: Ah, so I've touched a nerve? You've begun to admire this girl. Perhaps that's why you've been barking orders since your return, hoping to impress Hayley by assuming the role of family patriarch.
Elijah: If you're going to insist on treating her like a walking incubator, then that's your mistake!
[Klaus sniffs and looks around]
Elijah: Have you found her scent?
Klaus: No, but I found someone else's. This vehicle reeks of someone I thought I was rid of...Tyler Lockwood.
Elijah: And why would your little hybrid-sidekick from Mystic Falls have any interest in Hayley?
Klaus: He wants revenge because I went after his girl.
Elijah: Why do I suspect this is the least of your offenses?
Klaus: Back when I had the means to sire hybrids, he was my first, Although, I didn't give him much choice in the matter.
[Klaus pulls a blanket out of the abandoned car and sniffs at it]
Klaus: He was loyal in the beginning, but he grew insubordinate, turned my other hybrids against me. I couldn't have that, so I massacred the lot of them. Tyler ran like a coward before I could finish him off.
Elijah: Anything else that you would like to share?
Klaus: Well, there was this business with his mum.
Elijah: [incredulous] You killed his mother. Wonderful.
Klaus: He needed to be taught a lesson!
Elijah: And what lesson will you be taught, Niklaus, if he retaliates by harming Hayley?
Klaus: So you do care about her. Well, go on, then. Have at it, brother. Save her. Claim what spoils you can. I've sampled what she has to offer and let me tell you, she is exquisite--
Elijah: Niklaus, so help me...
Klaus: Enough. I'll kill Tyler Lockwood myself.
[Klaus vamp-runs away to find Tyler]
DAVINA'S ATTIC ROOM
[Marcel enters the attic with a large canvas bag thrown over his shoulder]
Davina: Marcel, something is happening. There is a witch doing magic in the Quarter.
Marcel: Oh, no worries, that one is Marcel-approved! Besides...
[He drops the large sack on the floor]
Marcel: Got something else for you to handle!
[Marcel opens the bag to reveal Josh inside. Josh gets his bearings, and when he sees Davina, he gets scared]
Josh: Oh, no. Y-you're the super witch.
Marcel: [to Davina] Say hi to Josh.
Davina: Why would you bring him here?
Marcel: Josh has a problem. Klaus compelled him to spy on me.
[Marcel forces Josh to sit in a chair]
Josh: Agh!
Marcel: I can't have that. So I thought: "I'll just kill Josh..."
Josh: Marcel, please! It's not my fault!
Marcel:...then I thought: "Killing a vampire, that would be breaking my own rule." Smart thing to do is to flip Josh, that way, he can tell Klaus whatever I want. He could even spy for me. All we gotta do is wipe away that compulsion. So, what do you think?
Davina: I can make him forget what Klaus told him. But, the more Klaus said, the more it is gonna hurt.
Marcel: Hm, probably gonna hurt a lot. Josh?
Josh: I-I'll do it, anything, yes. [beat] How much pain are we talking?
[Davina holds up a hand and starts to remove Josh's compulsion. His vision starts to blur, and he begins to shout out in agony]
THE BAYOU--DWAYNE'S SHACK
[Hayley is alone in the shack, ziptied to a fire stove, when Tyler walks in and joins her]
Hayley: Tyler, there's been a wolf watching me lately. Protecting me, like it instinctively knows that I'm part of it's pack. [beat] You're a hybrid, you can turn into a wolf whenever you want. Was it you?
Tyler: [confused] No, but you're right, only hybrids can control when they change. And I'm the only one left, besides Klaus. Which is why we're here.
Hayley: Whatever you think you're doing, you know that whole Original family has made some sort of pact, or something, to keep me and the baby safe. So, if you hurt me, they'll kill you.
Tyler: What makes you think I'm afraid to die?
[Dwayne walks into the shack and joins them]
Tyler: [to Dwayne] You ready for this?
Dwayne: [nods] Let's do it.
[Tyler digs in a bag and draws out a large syringe]
Hayley: [scared] What are you doing?
[Dwayne walks over and holds Hayley down. Tyler crouches down in front of her]
Hayley: Tyler, please, NO, Tyler!
Tyler: Klaus destroyed everything good in my life! So, I'm gonna take away the thing he wants most!
Hayley: NO, PLEASE, TYLER, PLEASE!
[Tyler jams the syringe into Hayley's stomach and draws out a measure of her blood. Hayley screams in pain. One he removes the syringe from her body, he jams it into Dwayne's neck, injects the blood into him, and snaps his neck as Hayley watches in horror]
ST. ANNE'S CATHOLIC CHURCH
[Marcel is walking out from dropping of Josh in Davina's room, and is about to leave when he notices someone's presence and stops]
Marcel: I thought you were leaving town! Couldn't stay away, huh?
[Rebekah comes out of nowhere and slams him onto the floor as she holds her stiletto-heel-clad foot against his neck]
Rebekah: I was half past Louisiana when I found out you invaded our home. What have you done with Hayley?
Marcel: You're so hot when you're angry.
[Rebekah lifts Marcel up and throws him against the nearby wall. He bounces off and falls into a heap on the floor]
Marcel: Ahh.
Rebekah: You used me!
Marcel: [gets up] I'm pretty sure that was mutual.
Rebekah: Beguiled by your charms, I slept with you, like a fool, led you to our home, and then you took Hayley?
Marcel: Whoa, I didn't take anybody! Alright? I already sorted this out with your brothers. But, it begs the question: Why'd you come back?
Rebekah: If Klaus learns it's MY fault you found your way to the plantation--
Marcel: [interrupts her] You really think I'd rat you out? Come on! [caresses her face] If you think that I'd ever, in a thousand years, do ANYTHING to hurt you, you've got me confused with Klaus.
Rebekah: All your charms and flirtations simply prove that you're every bit the liar and manipulator that Klaus is.
Marcel: [slightly hurt] Is that what you really think?
Rebekah: By all means, prove me wrong.
Marcel: Fine. Come on, there's something that you need to see.
[Marcel turns to leave, and Rebekah reluctantly follows him]
THE BAYOU--DWAYNE'S SHACK
[Tyler lifts Dwayne's dead body up off the floor and drags him over to the other side of the room]
Tyler: Don't get all judgy! Dwayne knew what he was getting into. He volunteered!
Hayley: For you to kill him?
Tyler: Dwayne is a werewolf who died with YOUR blood in his system. The same blood you share with your hybrid baby.
Hayley: [realizes what he's doing] You're trying to turn him into a hybrid! That's impossible!
Tyler: I've been running with wolf packs all over the country. One of them was tight with a witch. She had nightmare visions about your baby and how Klaus could use it's blood to make an army of hybrid slaves.
Hayley: [furious] I am SICK of these witches and their premonitions about my baby. It's just a baby!
Tyler: Maybe. Maybe not. That's where Dwayne comes in. You see, he was happy to be the test case. If you haven't noticed, these people don't have much to live for! They'd ALL welcome the chance to become the superior species. Trouble is, all hybrids are sired to Klaus. They follow his every move. [grabs knife from his bag and sets it on the table] No way I let that happen.
Hayley: How can you be so sure Klaus knows what the baby's blood will do?
Tyler: What do you think? Klaus Mikaelson, killer of men, women and puppies, all of a sudden wants to be a daddy? Or, he's got an ulterior motive. Hybrids can walk in the sun, their bite is lethal to vampires. They'll take over New Orleans by the end of the week. And you know what's going to stop Klaus then? Nothing.
[Dwayne awakens with a gasp and starts freaking out]
Tyler: [looks at Hayley, but talks to Dwayne] You're gonna have to feed on her.
[Tyler picks up the knife and walks toward her to cut her neck]
Hayley: What? No! Ahhhhh!
Tyler: Do it.
[Dwayne walks over to Hayley and feeds on her, despite her cries. After a moment, Dwayne stops feeding, and falls to the floor in pain. Tyler pushes him outside and leaves to tend to him. Hayley notices the knife on the ground and strains to reach for it. When she can't reach it, she grabs a broken chair leg from the floor. Outside, Dwayne convulses]
Tyler: [shouting] Look at me! Look at me!
[Dwayne starts to calm down, and eventually lies still]
Tyler: You're okay!
[Dwaynes hybrid eyes emerge, and he smiles]
Dwayne: I'm better than okay.
DAVINA'S ATTIC
[Josh continues to lay in the fetal position while Davina works on wiping Josh's mind of Klaus' compulsion. Davina rolls her eyes and stops for a moment]
Davina: I'm sorry, but it's just gonna get worse. Klaus' compulsion runs deep.
[She kneels down and helps Josh back into the chair]
Davina: You need to think of something else. Take your mind off it. [beat] Do you like music?
Josh: [still panting from the pain] What? I can't think of music right now. [Davina sighs] Why? I dunno, maybe because you're giving me a Voodoo lobotomy!
[Davina shruhs in agreement]
Davina: Do you like jazz? [Josh sighs in frustration] So, what then?
Josh: [sighs] Club stuff. [sees Davina's confused face] House, trance. You know, "uhnse uhnse uhnse uhnse?"
Davina: I'm a witch, I'm not Amish! It's just, I'm only sixteen, I don't go to clubs.
Josh: When I was sixteen, I'd been to, like, a hundred clubs. [beat] God, that was only four years ago. It feels like another life. All I wanted to do is meet boys. Things are so much more complicated. Now, all I want to do is meet boys, feed on people's blood, get one of those daylight rings so I don't burn in the sunlight. [sarcastically] All perfectly normal things.
[As Davina listens to him talk, she walks over to her table, where Tim's violin is still resting from when Elijah fixed it]
Davina: I like the classics. Puccini, Bach, Mozart. I took piano, not that it matters, while I'm stuck here.
Josh: Why not?
Davina: Marcel's worried that someone could hear. It's not his fault, he just wants to keep me safe.
Josh: [confused] Safe from what?
Davina: Basically, a coven of psycho witches wants to sacrifice me in a blood ritual.
Josh: [laughs dryly] Oh! Wow, okay, uhhh...I'm sorry?
Davina: Don't be. I'm going to destroy them all. And once they're gone, everything will go back to normal. I'll have my old life back! [smiles]
[Josh smiles sadly at her]
[SCENE_BREAK]
THE BAYOU--DWAYNE'S SHACK
[Tyler returns to the shack after Dwayne's transformation]
Hayley: It worked, didn't it? He's a hybrid.
Tyler: If Klaus gets ahold of you, if he gets that kid--he wins.
Hayley: Then help me hide the baby from him!
[Tyler walks over and picks the knife up off the floor]
Hayley: Help me run!
Tyler: He'll find you, he'll take your kid away, and he'll make more hybrid monsters. Slaves who do everything he says.
Hayley: [terrified] Tyler, whatever you're thinking of doing, there has to be another way. You're not like this!
[When Tyler shakes his head and continues to walk toward her, she stabs him in the gut with the broken chair leg. Tyler screams in pain and pulls the stake out]
Tyler: That was stupid!
[He starts to walk toward Hayley again when Dwayne walks in]
Dwayne: Get away from her!
Tyler: What do you care?
Dwayne: I said get away!
Tyler: You got what you wanted, now get lost!
Hayley: [desperately] Dwayne, he's gonna kill me! And he's gonna kill you, too, he said that hybrids are too dangerous to live! You NEED to stop him!
Tyler: SHUT UP!
[Dwayne comes behind Tyler and tosses him across the room. He lands on the floor, and when he gets up, Dwayne runs to tackle him. Hayley sees that Tyler dropped the knife within reach, and uses it to cut herself free. Tyler eventually overpowers Dwayne and rips his heart out. When he turns back toward Hayley, he sees that she's escaped, and becomes furious]
[Hayley runs as fast as she can through the woods, Tyler's knife still in hand, and stops to hide behind a tree. As she catches her breath, she hears someone approaching. She braces herself, readies her knife, and turns to attack, but it's just Elijah. He holds her hand steady to protect himself.]
Elijah: Forgive me! I thought you were in danger, it appears I was mistaken. [smiles]
[Hayley sighs in relief and dives into Elijah's arms. The two hug for a long moment before Hayley eventually pulls away]
Hayley: You will not believe the crap day I'm having.
Elijah: I'll take you home.
[He turns to leave, but Hayley stops him]
Hayley: Elijah, there's something you need to know about the baby.
[Meanwhile, Tyler continues to look for Hayley in various tents]
Tyler: HAYLEY! Don't make this harder than it has to be! Give up now...I'll end it quick.
[Klaus appears behind him]
Klaus: Quite an offer! Though, not one I'll be extending to you.
Tyler: [braces himself for a fight] Klaus.
Klaus: Hello, Tyler. You look well! I aim to change that. [smiles] Threatening a pregnant girl in order to exact revenge against me. I never expected you to sink so low! [walks toward Tyler] I admit, I'm impressed!
[Tyler ducks away from Klaus and puts more distance between them]
Tyler: Used to hang out with you, I guess something must have rubbed off.
Klaus: What would Caroline say if she saw what you've become? Perhaps I'll ask her, when I call her to tell her of your demise.
Tyler: [smiles] Whatever happens to me, Caroline's NEVER going to stop hating you!
[Klaus' face goes cold, and he runs to toss Tyler over and into a tree]
Klaus: [bellows] Come on, mate! Give it a bit more effort! I want to enjoy myself.
[Tyler glares at Klaus and braces himself to fight, but at the last minute, he vamp-runs away. Klaus smiles, and waits for a moment before chasing after him]
THE GARDEN
[Marcel leads Rebekah into the Garden, and gestures at a vampire guard to leave them alone. Rebekah stares around in confusion and mild horror]
Rebekah: What is this place?
Marcel: [gestures around them] This is the Garden. It's where I punish vampires who break my rules. [he pulls some blueprints out of a little hole in the wall] But, a long time ago, it used to be something else.
[He spreads out the blueprints and shows them to Rebekah]
Marcel: Go on, tell me what you see.
Rebekah: Two stories, Greek columns, wrap-around porch. High ceilings, transem windows. It's lovely. So what?
Marcel: So, I designed it for you. It was going to be ours.
Rebekah: [stunned] That, this...was supposed to be our happily-ever-after?
Marcel: Yours, and mine. [puts the blueprints away] Except you flew the coop with Klaus. I already built the foundation for the place. I halted constructions after you took off. The plan was to wait for you to return. You never did, so, now it's where I bury the people who betray me.
Rebekah: You could have come after me!
Marcel: You were with Klaus! I didn't know where, I didn't know if you still wanted to be with me! All you had to do was come home!
Rebekah: It was more complicated than that. Not long after we left here, he put a dagger in my heart and stuck me in a box for NINETY YEARS. He stole a century for me, like it was nothing!
Marcel: That's what he does, Rebekah! Klaus will never be happy. He'll be damned if he lets anyone get something that HE can't have!
Rebekah: I know! I've been dancing to this song for a thousand years!
Marcel: Starting right now, you have a choice, between the brother who takes away your happiness whenever he feels like it, and the man who wants to give you anything you ever wanted.
[The two stare at each other for a long moment]
Rebekah: He will kill you in front of my eyes out of spite.
Marcel: [shakes head] Not if we get rid of him, first.
[Rebekah looks at him in shock at what he's proposing]
THE BAYOU--MIDDLE OF THE WOODS
[Hayley is sitting against a tree as she tells Elijah what she's learned. Elijah paces anxiously as he listens]
Hayley: Klaus must have known, that's the only explanation! He could care less about the baby, he just wants her to be born so he can use her to make more sired hybrids.
[She looks at Elijah, and they share a look before Elijah looks away, troubled by Hayley's news]
Hayley: Although...the way that Dwayne was acting...it was more like he was sired to me.
[They both continue to think about the implications]
Elijah: I should take you home.
Hayley: Are you serious? Home to what?
Elijah: Look, regardless of my brother's intentions, mine remain the same. I said that I would protect you, even, if need be, from Klaus himself.
Hayley: I can take care of myself. I've done it for a long time.
[Hayley gets up and walks away. After a moment, Elijah follows her.]
[Meanwhile, in the werewolf encampments, Klaus wanders around and checks random tents to find Tyler]
Klaus: Is this your idea of revenge, Tyler? A grueling game of hide-and-seek?
[Tyler runs up behind Klaus and stabs him through the chest with a stake. Klaus yells in pain and backhands Tyler away, before he pulls the stake out of his chest and readies himself to fight back]
Klaus: [glares at Tyler] Let's end this, shall we?
[The two continue to glare at each other. Before they lunge forward to fight, their hybrid eyes and fangs emerge. Tyler tackles Klaus, and they both roll down a small hill and land in front of Dwayne's shack. Tyler punches Klaus in the face, so Klaus grabs him in a chokehold]
Klaus: How dare you!
Tyler: I'm just getting started.
[Tyler stakes him in the side, and Klaus groans in pain]
Klaus: You've grown bloodthirsty. Perhaps it's best your mother didn't live to see you like this, hahahahaha!
[Tyler gets more enraged and begins to pummel Klaus in the face. Klaus grabs his fist, flips him over so Klaus is on top of him, and stakes Tyler in the chest with the stake that was stuck in his side. Tyler moans in pain, and they both get back on their feet]
Klaus: It's sad, really. I thought I made you better. Turns out you're quite the disappointment.
[Tyler pulls the stake out of his chest and throws it aside]
Tyler: I guess I'm another one of your failures. Like how you FAILED at making hybrids, how you FAILED your family! [approaches Klaus and smiles] Now it looks like you're going to fail your own kid!
[Klaus grabs Tyler by the throat and pushes him against a tree]
Klaus: And thus ends your tedious little life. At least it was brief!
[He jams his hand into Tyler's chest and grabs his heart as Tyler shouts in agony]
Tyler: Do it! You're never gonna break me! Only thing you can do is kill me, so go on! Go on, get it over with!
Klaus: [chuckles] Ahhh, you want me to end your suffering, don't you, hmm? I did break you! Took everything from you, and now you're begging me to sweep away the shards of your shattered little life.
[He stares at him for a moment, and just when Tyler thinks Klaus is about to kill him, he pulls his empty hand out of his chest and chokes Tyler momentarily]
Klaus: Death offers more peace than you deserve. It's better to let you live. And each morning, you will wake knowing your wretched existence continues only by my will. [starts to compel him] Now go, and live the rest of your days knowing that you are NOTHING to me.
[Klaus lets him go, and leaves him in agony by himself]
THE GARDEN
[Rebekah and Marcel continue to talk]
Rebekah: Do you know how many fools have tried to vanquish my brother? If you stand against him, he will kill you, and it will be awful, and bloody, and I will not stand around and watch.
[She turns to leave, but Marcel stops her]
Marcel: You forget, I have a secret weapon. Davina, the most powerful witch in the last couple centuries! What if she can find a way to kill him?
Rebekah: You don't know, do you? You can't kill Klaus! Not without dying yourself. We learned it from the deaths of my brothers Kol and Finn, if an Original dies, every vampire ever made from their line dies with them. Even if you kill Klaus, he'll still win! It's been that way for a thousand years, that's his trick. He ALWAYS wins.
Marcel: There's another way.
Rebekah: What would that be?
Marcel: We bury him, down here, forever.
Rebekah: Are you mad? This little chamber of horrors may work for your riff-raff, but do you really think it will hold my brother?
Marcel: Isn't it worth the risk? You know I'm right! Klaus will never stop trying to control you!
Rebekah: And I'm supposed to believe that, after a century, suddenly you're willing to risk death at his hands to be with me?
Marcel: I want to defend my home. I wanna be free. And if that means I get to be with you, all the more reason to bury him. Now, you tell me; what do you want?
[Rebekah stares at him, but says nothing]
THE BAYOU--DWAYNE'S SHACK
[Klaus is waiting at the shack when Elijah and Hayley to return. He shoves Dwayne's dead body in front of them]
Klaus: There you are! I see you've found our wandering stray. Perhaps you could shed some light on the situation. This [kicks the body over] appears to be a hybrid.
Hayley: His name was Dwayne.
Klaus: Well, whoever it was, I didn't sire him. Any idea how that's possible?
Hayley: [stomps toward him] As if you didn't know!
[Elijah holds Hayley back and walks in front of her to protect her from Klaus]
Klaus: Ahhh, well, aren't you two fast friends? Oh, come on, then. What kind of horrible accusation have you conspired to levy against me?
Elijah: Tyler Lockwood brought Hayley here to test a theory. [Klaus nods at him to continue] That the blood of her child could be used to sire hybrids. He claims that you knew that. Futhermore, that you intended to use this knowledge to build an army.
Klaus: [hurt and angry] And, of course, you assume it's true. I mean, why else would I show interest in my own flesh and blood? A heartbroken little crybaby points his finger at me, and my own brother falls in line, eager to believe it! How quickly you believe the worst, especially when it comes from her.
Elijah: Oh, spare me your indignation. When have you ever demonstrated any kind of concern towards Hayley or her child, beyond your own selfish pursuits? And what was it you once said to me? [does Klaus impersonation] "Every king needs an heir!"
Klaus: My big brother, so, you doubt my intentions? Well, I can't say I'm surprised, standing next to the noble Elijah, how can I be anything but the lesser brother? A liar, a manipulator, a b*st*rd.
[The two stare at each other as Klaus approaches him. Elijah seems to be reconsidering his position]
Klaus: That's all I am to you, isn't it? And Rebekah. And, judging by the way Hayley hangs on your every word, it's clear she feels the same way! [beat] No doubt my child will as well.
Elijah: [more kindly] Brother, if--
Klaus: [interrupts] You've said all that needs to be said, Brother. [steps back a few steps and holds his arms out in defeat] I'll play the role I've been given.
[He turns to walk away, but vamp-runs over to Elijah and bites him savagely on the neck. Hayley screams in horror and runs over to him]
Klaus: [wipes his mouth with his hand] You two enjoy each other's company. You'll have much to bond over, once the hallucinations and dementia set in. Consider that bite to be my parting gift to you both.
[Klaus walks away, leaving Elijah and Hayley to fend for themselves]
DAVINA'S ATTIC
[Josh is laying on Davina's floor, sweating and pale, after being subjected to Davina's spell all day. He pants and groans as he pushes himself onto his elbows]
Davina: [kneels next to Josh on the floor] That's it. You're free!
Josh: [smiles] You're right! I can feel it. [Davina giggles] Before, I was always thinking about what Klaus would want me to do. Now, I'm like, "Screw that guy!"
[Josh starts to laugh hysterically in happiness]
Josh: Klaus Mikaelson can suck it! [continues laughing]
[Davina frowns, which Josh notices]
Josh: What, what's that look for?
Davina: Marcel wants me to make you forget about me.
Josh: Oh, you don't have to do that! I, like, owe you my life! [Davina smiles weakly at him] I'll keep your secret! Besides, it's kind of nice, just talking to someone normal again.
Davina: You think I'm normal? I'm a sixteen year old witch, living in an attic like some kind of freak.
Josh: I'm a gay club kid who died and came back as a vampire. Yeah, normal's kind of relative, you know? [they both laugh, and Josh extends his pinky to her] Here, pinky swear on it.
THE BAYOU-- DWAYNE'S SHACK
[Elijah and Hayley look around the abandoned shack. Hayley shuffles through old photos]
Hayley: You don't have to help. I can dig through the werewolf antique show on my own. Besides, [looks at his neck wound] shouldn't you put some kind of ointment, or something, on that?
Elijah: The bite won't kill me. Like Niklaus himself, it's more than a nuisance than anything.
Hayley: Good, 'cause I'm eventually going to need a ride home. [smiles] And thanks, by the way, for staying out here. You didn't have to.
Elijah: I know. But, you said the people of this village are the only family you have left. I can relate.
Hayley: You're thinking about Klaus.
Elijah: [sighs] Perhaps I was too willing to condemn him. In the thousand years that we have been together, my brother has committed numerous unspeakable acts. But, then again, so has Rebekah. So have I.
Hayley: So did I, the last time I was in Cabo. [Elijah stares at her, confused] We've all done bad things. It's just, most people die before the list gets embarrassing. But, don't for a second compare yourself to Klaus.
[The two stare at each other intensely. After a long moment, they both look away awkwardly]
Hayley: It's like a freaking hot box in here, I'm gonna get some air.
[Hayley leaves to walk out onto the porch. When she gets outside, she finds a Bible laying on the corner of the porch. She picks it up and begins to flip through it. After a few moments, Elijah joins her outside]
Hayley: Someone left this here.
Elijah: What is it?
Hayley: A Bible, with a family history that goes back generations.
[The two pore over the the Bible's pages. There are many names and birthdates documented, the last of which is "Andrea Labonair 6 June 1991"]
Elijah: What are these names? Who is Andrea?
Hayley: [shocked] I think I am... That's the day that I was born.
MIKAELSON MANSION
[Klaus is staring out the window and drinking scotch when Rebekah enters the living room]
Klaus: I thought you were leaving us.
Rebekah: We both know this family can barely function without me. Where are Elijah and Hayley?
Klaus: I left them in the bayou.
Rebekah: Why?
Klaus: Elijah and I had a bit of a row. Haha, Hayley's conspired to turn him against me. You know our brother was never one to resist a pretty face! So, one thing led to another, and I bit him, left them both stranded in the swamp.
Rebekah: [becomes livid] Daggering, biting, deserting. Does your wickedness ever end?
Klaus: My "wickedness" is self-preservation! And I wouldn't have to go to such lengths were I not presented on all sides with ignorance and treachery! Now that Elijah's abandoned me, I'll be needing you in my plot against Marcel.
[Rebekah glares at her brother resentfully]
Klaus: Don't expect to be leaving town anytime soon. [pours himself another drink]
Rebekah: Why should I help you, after what you did to Elijah?
Klaus: You're my family. Besides, who better to spy on Marcel than the girl he so clearly loves? [sits on the coffee table in front of Rebekah, who sits on the couch] You can tell me all his secrets, like how did he find us here? Huh, any idea about that, little sister?
Rebekah: How should I know why Marcel does what he does?
Klaus: You think I don't know about your engineered run-ins all over the Quarter? I know you've had private chats with him! Just tell me what secrets he's confided to you. Is he plotting against me?
Rebekah: [glares at him and gets in his face] My poor brother, so paranoid. Marcel knows nothing! He's not plotting against you, he simply thinks you're in a quarrel in need of making up.
Klaus: [sighs] Perhaps we will. After all, [points and leans in toward Rebekah aggressively] you know I'm capable of forgiving those who disappoint me! As soon as they've seen the error of their ways, and suffered for them. You'd do well to remember that.
[Klaus gets up and walks away]
Rebekah: [mutters under her breath] You never let me forget.
NIGHTWALKER BAR
[Tyler and Marcel sit at a table, while a couple of vampire guards stand around nearby.]
Marcel: You wanna make a deal with me, you gotta offer me something. I already know about Hayley, the werewolf girl. What else you got?
Tyler: What if I told you that werewolf girl is carrying Klaus' child?
[Marcel leans in, clearly interested]
Tyler: And, if that baby is born, it'll mean the end of the vampire species.
[Marcel nods at him] | Plan: A: New Orleans; Q: Where does Tyler Lockwood go to kill Klaus? A: Hayley; Q: Who has gone missing? A: a startling revelation; Q: What does Hayley make that makes her concerned for herself and the baby? A: Sabine; Q: Who does Klaus and Elijah turn to for help in finding Hayley? A: the bayou; Q: Where does Klaus have a dangerous encounter with an unexpected visitor? A: an unexpected visitor; Q: What does Klaus encounter after a trip to the bayou? A: a surprising connection; Q: What does Davina make? A: Marcel; Q: Who makes Rebekah an enticing offer that leaves her torn? Summary: Tyler Lockwood makes his way to New Orleans set on killing Klaus and when Hayley makes a startling revelation, she grows concerned for herself and the baby. Amidst growing tensions between them, Klaus and Elijah turn to Sabine for help in locating Hayley, who has gone missing. After making a trip down to the bayou, Klaus has a surprising and dangerous encounter with an unexpected visitor. Meanwhile, Davina makes a surprising connection, and Marcel makes Rebekah an enticing offer that leaves her torn. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Damon: Where the hell are we?
Bonnie: 1994.
Kai: To get home, we'll harness the power of the Ascendant.
Elena: What about Bonnie?
Damon: She sacrificed herself so I could come back.
Damon (V.O.): She's all alone.
Jeremy: We miss you, Bonnie.
Bonnie (V.O.): I miss you guys.
Elena: I'm sorry I compelled away the memories.
Damon: We'll make new ones.
Liz: I need you to promise me something. When I'm gone, Caroline is gonna need you to help her move on with her life. Promise me that you will do that, Stefan.
Stefan: (takes Liz's hand) I promise.
Jo: In our coven's tradition, the twins merge their strength. The weaker one dies.
Luke: I know I'm stronger than Liv, so that means I will win if we merge.
Joshua: One twin will absorb traits from the other. Both of your souls will unite into a new being.
Both: Desimilus...
Jo: Luke, don't!
Kai and Luke: Sanguinem generis finatus.
Joshua: Luke is gone. He merged with Kai. Kai won.
Kai: You win some, you lose some except for me. I always win.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - PRISON WORLD ]
(Bonnie cooks breakfast. She sits down at the table and marks today the 5th February)
Bonnie: Happy Birthday, Bonnie.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - THE GARAGE ]
(Jeremy is weightlifting. Elena drives up in front of the garage)
Elena: (struggling with balloons and birthday supplies) Hey. You want to--ugh-- give me a hand, please?
Jeremy: Little busy here. (exhales and continues to lift)
Elena: Ok. Fine. Then you are on decoration duty. It's Bonnie's birthday.
Jeremy: I know what today is.
Elena: Then you know how she would have wanted us to spend it. She would have wanted us to celebrate by cooking her favorite foods, watching her favorite movies.
Jeremy: So we're throwing a birthday party where the guest of honor never shows up. That's not depressing.
Elena: Or we could celebrate you going to art school. Oh, wait. We can't because I found your application in the garbage. Why didn't you tell me that you were thinking about going to art school?
Jeremy: (sits up) I'm not. The only class I'm passing is study hall. They'll never let me in.
Elena: Jer, I've seen your portfolio. You're good.
Jeremy: Doesn't matter. I'm not leaving without knowing Bonnie's OK or not.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - THE LIVINGROOM ]
Caroline: (on the phone with her Mom) Mom, I'm not calling to check up on you, OK? I'm just about to start making Bonnie's birthday cake and want to make sure that your recipe called for 3 eggs instead of 4, right? All right. I'm just a phone call away in case you need any-- (her Mom has already ended the call) bye.
(Gasps when she sees Miss Cuddles on the table. Stefan walkes over to her.)
Caroline: Is it just me, or do her eyes follow you around the room?
Stefan: (looks at the bear) Hmm. It's definitely you.
Caroline: I haven't seen Miss Cuddles in 12 years.
Stefan: Well, that's the bear Bonnie sent back from 1994. I guess she lost the original.
Caroline: No. She didn't lose her. I took her. (turns the bear around) Yeah. When Bonnie and I were little, we got in this huge fight, so to get back at her, I bearnapped Miss Cuddles, and then I didn't want my Mom to come home and find out, so then I buried her in the woods. I even left some M&M's to mark the spot where I left her, but something must have eaten them.
Stefan: Well, I'm pretty sure that Bonnie is over it by now.
Caroline: Miss Cuddles isn't. She's out there all alone like Bonnie. You know what? I'm gonna go find her.
Stefan: You're gonna what?
Caroline: Yeah. It's Bonnie's birthday. (puts on her jacket)
Stefan: Wait, wait. Hold on. Caroline, you've been going through a lot lately. Do you think that maybe you're just a little confused about what you're actually upset about?
Caroline: Yes, probably, but my Mom's dying, and my best friend is stuck in an alternate universe, and her bear is in a hole in the woods, and there's only one of those things that I can do anything about.
Stefan: Right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - THE KITCHEN ]
Damon: (looks at the cupcakes) Happy Birthday, Bon-bon.
Elena: (walks in) Ahh.
Damon: Hi.
Elena: (takes off her jacket and sees the cupcakes) Ooh. You think we could sneak one before the party?
Damon: I think Caroline might fry us in the sun.
Elena: It's worth the risk. (takes a bite of a cupcake) Mmm. Mmm.
Damon: Come here. (wipes some frosting from her lips)
Elena: You know, we never talked about the fact that you kissed me.
Damon: And you kissed me back? (takes a bite of the cupcake) Yeah. I know. That's the whole point of kissing so you don't have to talk about it.
Elena: Right. Well, I just wanted you to know that I'm good with that.
Damon: Yeah?
Elena: Yeah. We--we're good. Really good. Ha.
Damon: Was this the talk?
Elena: Pretty much.
Damon: Perfect. (kisses)
Kai: (calls from the front door) Hello?
Elena: (pulls away) No. That's impossible because why would he--
Damon: He didn't. He's all merged, he's packed, and his on his way to Portland!
Kai: (walks in) Ooh! Forgot how massive this house was. (smiles) Yum! Cupcakes! Sorry. Am I interrupting something?
Damon: (annoyed) What are you doing here?
Kai: Funniest thing. I need your help. (takes out a letter)
Elena: Why would we give a letter to Jo?
Kai: I haven't been able to find her using a locator spell, and, you know, good on her because under normal circumstances, I'd superjazzed to gouge out her belly button. (eats cupcake)
Elena: Why would we help you, Kai?
Kai: Well, in case you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a sociopath. (Elena feigns shock) I know. Shocker. I like being a sociopath. You know, I'm not burdened by things like guilt or love. So then this merge happened with my brother Luke, and I won, which was great because I absorbed his ability to do magic, but now I can't stop thinking about how Luke died, how Liv's life is ruined. For some horrible reason, I can't shake how badly I feel about it. (sighs with frustration)
Elena: (surprised) You feel bad?
Kai: Yeah. So when I absorbed Luke's magic, I must have gotten some of his qualities or something like empathy. So I googled how to process emotional pain, and they said if you write everything down in a letter and burn it, you'll be healed. So I started writing, and this water literally started pooling in my eyes. Has that ever happened to you, like--like water just--just oozing out of my eyeballs like I'm some alien creature excreting fluids.
Elena: You mean you cried.
Kai: Yes! And after that was done, I burned the letter, and the feelings--oop-- were still there. So I really feel strongly that Jo needs to know how sorry I am for destroying our family, but let's face it, guys, all right? I mean, Elena, you of all people should be willing to look past the questionable things that I've done to see that there's--there's good somewhere in me. You did it with Damon.
Damon: (even more annoyed) OK. I think we're done here. Come on.
Elena: Actually, what if there's something he can do for us in exchange? (smiles)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ DUKE UNIVERSITY, NORTH CAROLINA ]
(Matt and Enzo sit in a car)
Matt: So I'm guessing you didn't bring me out here to watch you perv out on some co-ed.
Enzo: It's not just some co-ed. Meet the real Sarah Salvatore, the hothouse flower Stefan's been keeping secret all these years.
Matt: Why do you even care?
Enzo: Because Damon thinks he killed Sarah, and instead of absolving him, Stefan's been using Damon's guilt to keep him in check. Not very brotherly now, is it?
Matt: So I help you destroy some innocent girl or what? You're gonna kill me? Then go ahead and kill me.
Enzo: I don't want to kill you, Matt. I just want you to do a few simple tasks.
Matt: Screw you! I'm not gonna be your bitch for the rest of my life.
Enzo: (grabs Matt's throat) I don't want to kill you, but I will kill you. Oh. Look at that. Very brave. I admire your tolerance for pain. Does that run in your family? Just wondering if your mother shares your pain threshold. Took a drive down to South Carolina to take a peek at mama Donovan. Quite a dish, that one. (Gasps, Coughs) Good. Now that that's settled, it's time for you to get to know Sarah Salvatore.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - LIVING ROOM ]
Kai: (examines the ascendant) Sad attempt at iron welding.
Elena: I tried to fix it.
Kai: I can't bring Bonnie back with this.
Elena: I thought you were the all-powerful leader of the Gemini coven now.
Kai: I destroyed this so that it couldn't be used again.
Elena: Well, can we use that hunk of junk to send a message at least? It is her birthday.
Kai: (slightly saddened) It is?
Damon: Yeah. It's really sad. I mean, old Bon-bon-- she's gonna be getting all dressed up for a party no one's even gonna show up to. I mean, I wonder if she even knows that it is her birthday, or do all the days just blend into one vast sea of misery? I wonder.
Kai: One of the crown wheels survived. That's a positive. Plus I am megapowerful.
Damon: Yeah. What do you want to say?
Well, I mean, if Bonnie needs magic to get out, we just need to tell her where to find some.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LIV'S ROOM ]
Liv: (cries, while holding a white dress) I was gonna wear this for the merge ceremony. It's the dress I would have died in. (throws it in a garbage can) How could Luke do this?
Tyler: He didn't do this to you. Kai did, and he's going to finish what he started by killing you and every other Gemini. So grab whatever you need, and let's get out of here, or else will have died for nothing.
Liv: Just haul ass out of here like my dad? Live out the rest of my life wondering is today the day that Kai finds me? I should have just done the stupid merge. At least then, Luke and I would still be together. All our lives, we've never been apart. I don't know how to do this.
Tyler: I'm so sorry, Liv.
Liv: I can't run, Tyler. Kai took my entire life. There's nowhere for me to go.
Tyler: Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. Look at me. Whatever you want to do, I will help you get through it.
Liv: Fine. Then I want to kill Kai.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - THE LIVINGROOM ]
(Damon and Elena try to figure out where Bonnie can get magic from)
Elena: Ok. So we know that Jo stored her magic in a hunting knife. Bonnie sent hers over with Miss Cuddles. What receptacle of magic am I not thinking of?
Damon: Let me give you a hint: scorned lover.
Elena: Katherine?
Damon: Older.
Elena: Silas.
Damon: Hotter.
Elena: I don't know. Silas was definitely hot.
Damon: (disgusted) Ugh.
Elena: Qetsiyah. (He winks at her) Her blood is on Silas' headstone. It's filled with magic.
Damon: Yep! So in Bonnieland, that means that an island off Nova Scotia is a big magical battery waiting to be tapped. We just need to remind Bonnie of that.
Elena: (curious) And what reminded you?
Damon: I was gonna plan a trip there, change of scenery, you know. There's only so much you can take of Mystic Falls on repeat.
Kai: (relieved) Oh, thank God. You two together is still totally revolting to me. Finally, a familiar feeling. Luke didn't take me over completely.
Jeremy: What the hell's he doing here?
Kai: (smiles) Hi.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE WOODS ]
Caroline: You know, if you were gonna creepily stalk me, you could have at least brought a shovel.
Stefan: Nah. I'm not big on digging. Calluses.
Caroline: You bury corpses all the time.
Stefan: Yeah, but I don't dig them up. So do you really think that finding a Teddy Bear will make everything right in the world?
Caroline: You know what? You are right. This is such a waste of time. I really should be at the dive bar, picking a fight with a stranger in order to feel pain.
Stefan: Ooh.
Caroline: Look. If you think I'm insane, I get it. I probably am, but nobody is forcing you to be here.
Stefan: I should probably stay, keep an eye on you, you know, in case you have a psychotic breakdown.
(She smiles)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ]
Jeremy: People don't just change like that.
Damon: People usually don't merge with their siblings either.
Kai: Uh, for the record, I would have been fine with any of Luke's qualities, you know, the hair, the whole gay thing-- you know, maybe not the height actually.
Jeremy: You seriously buy this?
Elena: Look. I'm not saying that we have to like him, but if there's a way for us to tell Bonnie how she can get out--
Jeremy: We should trust a guy that changed personalities overnight?
Kai: Think of it like Elena in reverse. (pours himself a drink) You know, she was human, pure, dating the good Salvatore. Then she became an undead blood vacuum, stopped caring about right and wrong, and started dating the bad one.
Elena: (irritated) That's not how it happened.
Kai: Hmm. I'm sure I missed a detail or two, but I'm just paraphrasing what Damon told me in the prison world.
Damon: Speaking of, there's a witch over there we'd like to save, so why don't you get your Gemini jumper cables and fix that thing?
Kai: OK.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ LIV'S ROOM ]
(Liv sits on the floor chanting)
Tyler: What are you doing? Liv. Come on. Talk to me. What are you doing?
Liv: (stops chanting) When Luke and I were kids, we used to play hide-and-seek. We figured out a way to cheat by using a spell to see through each other's eyes. (continues chanting)
(Liv can then see though Kai's eyes. Damon stands in front of Kai)
Damon: Come on, Kai. You done yet?
Liv: The b*st*rd's at the Salvatore house.
Tyler: Why the hell would he be there?
Liv: I have no idea. Of course, Damon would find a reason to work with him.
Tyler: Look, Liv. I know how pissed you are right now. I get that probably more than anybody, but--
Liv: But what? I'm just supposed to live with it, get through it? Something tells me you didn't just punch a wall after your Mom died.
Tyler: Liv, stop! Like it or not, Kai is your leader. You kill him, your entire coven dies-- you, your dad, Jo...You.
Liv: We're dead anyway. He'll kill his way through the coven, our friends, the guy at the drive-through who screws up his order. At least this way, I can take him with me.
Tyler: Wait. I told you that if anybody tried to hurt you they'd have to get through me first. Well, guess what. That includes you.
Liv (She kisses him and then starts whispering): Phesmatos somnumia. (Tyler is quickly unconscious and Liv helps him down on the floor) I'm sorry, Tyler.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ DUKE UNIVERSITY, NORTH CAROLINA ]
(Camera shutter clicks, as Sarah takes some pictures. She tries throwing her bottle in the trash, from a distance.)
Matt: (smiles) I got it. I'm guessing you're not here on a basketball scholarship.
Sarah: That's not a regulation trashcan.
Matt: Hey. I saw your camera. I'm thinking about buying one. You like it?
Sarah: It gets the job done. What kind of photography are you into?
Matt: A little bit of everything.
Sarah: Ok. Well, it has good color reproduction, nice tonal range. Um, you'll want to shoot raw if you don't want the highlights to get clipped, and...You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?
Matt: No. No, I don't. Sorry.
Sarah: Well, don't feel bad. You went for it. It's not your fault you with the second most common pickup line guys use when they see a girl with a camera.
Matt: Oh, yeah? What's the first?
Sarah: The offer to pose for some very tasteful nudes. Look. I'm really flattered, and I'm sure you're a nice guy, but...
Matt: No. It's OK. I get it.
Sarah: Good luck with your photography.
Matt: Thanks.
Enzo: (appears behind Matt) You truly have an epic lack of game.
Matt: I tried, OK?
Enzo: Really? Grunting at her would have been more effective. Now I've got to get you back on track. All right. Give me your jacket, your wallet, and your cell phone.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ]
Kai: So I can't send us back physically, but I can probably send a part of us back.
Elena: Probably?
Kai: You remember that movie "Ghost"? Ok. Well, Bonnie's gonna be Demi Moore because she's the alive one obviously, and, uh, we'll all be a collective Patrick Swayze, the ghost. By the way, how much does that suck about Patrick Swayze?
Elena: Will she be able to us or not Kai?
Kai: I don't know. I've never done this before. So let's all just take a deep breath, right, close our eyes, and... Phesmatos tribum invocio caveum, miscero mundio. Phesmatos tribum invocio caveum, miscero mundio.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - PRISON WORLD ]
Damon: What happened to the pool table?
Elena: Oh, my God.
(They all see Bonnie sit at the table)
Jeremy: Bonnie? Bonnie! She can't hear me.
Damon: (tries to touch something) And we can't touch anything either. Nice spell, Kai.
Damon (on videotape): This place is my own personal hell.
Bonnie: (smiles) Drama queen.
Damon: Hey.
Bonnie (on videotape): Reporting to you live from retro world, I'm Bonnie Bennett. Joining us today in the studio is special guest Damon Salvatore! (Tape stops. Pours herself a glass of bourbon)
Damon: (shocked) No.
Elena: (confused) What?
Damon: The bottle of bourbon is the oldest one in the house. We made a pact if we couldn't take being trapped here alone for one more day we'd... We'd kill that entire bottle. Then we'd kill ourselves.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - REAL WORLD ]
Elena: (gasps) Wait. Wait. What happened? Why are we back here?
Kai: I don't know. Spell must require too much magic. I lost my connection.
Damon: Then reconnect.
Kai: It's not that easy. (points to his nose with blood) You see this blood? I'm guessing that's not a good sign.
Elena: (frustrated) Bonnie is going to kill herself.
Jeremy: Can she do that? Can she die in the prison world?
Kai: I couldn't. Of course, it was my own personal solitary confinement. Didn't want me to end my sentence early by killing myself. Ooh! I tried every method in the book. Heh. I drove down to D.C. Because there was this museum that has an actual guillotine.
Jeremy: We get it. For whoever's not lucky enough to be you, dead means dead.
Elena: We have to stop her. We have to give her hope, send her a message somehow.
Jeremy: How? She couldn't hear us.
Damon: The message is already there in the atlas. I scribbled some notes on Nova Scotia. We just have to get her to see it.
Elena: All right, but how do we open an atlas if we can't touch anything?
Damon: We need to get Kai to crank up his witchy-woo, don't we, so we can make physical contact.
Kai: All while sending the 3 of you back over there? Sure. Yeah. Hey. Why don't I reanimate your dead parents for a tea party while I'm at it? (changing attitude) Sorry. Insensitive.
Jeremy: What if you just send me back?
Elena: What? No.
Kai: That might work. Focus all of my magic on one person. It might be enough of a boost that you could physically interact if I can hold the spell.
Damon: And if you cannot?
Kai: The magic overwhelms me, and I can't pull Jeremy out. He'll be stuck over there for eternity.
Elena: Jer.
Jeremy: Don't. Don't say anything. If I can get through to her, we save Bonnie's life. If not... At least I'll be with her when she dies.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE WOODS ]
Stefan: (teasing) Hey. Is that an MMm? Where? Right there. Little to the left, little to the left. Right there, right-- oh, ohh. Sorry. It was just a leaf.
Caroline: (angry) Is this funny to you?
Stefan: Well, we are in the middle of the woods, searching for a Teddy bear buried in a shallow grave by a 9-year-old version of you. I can't even say that with a straight face, so, yeah, that is funny.
Caroline: You're drunk. Give me that. (tries to take his drink)
Stefan: No, no, no. You have more ground to cover.
Caroline: (annoyed) You're a jerk.
Stefan: Jerk, huh?
Caroline: Yeah.
Stefan: Oh, you sound angry.
Caroline: I'm not angry, OK? I'm just annoyed because I am going through a highly emotional situation right now, and you're just sitting there, mocking me.
Stefan: Definitely angry.
Caroline: I'm not angry, OK?
Stefan: Well, you should be. Your Mom is dying, your best friend is stuck in some netherworld, and you're sitting here trying to make it all better by finding a stuffed animal?
Caroline: (shoves him) Shut up!
Stefan: That make you feel better?
Caroline: No.
Stefan: Try again.
Caroline: (shoves him again) Screw you!
Stefan: That's good. Get it out.
Caroline: Oof! (both groaning) I cannot believe you just did that.
Stefan: Well, you started it. Felt good, though, didn't it?
Caroline: Maybe a little. Phesmatos tribum...
(Kai continues chanting, while he sweats. Elena and Damon both watch him.)
Elena: I didn't know you and Bonnie had a death pact.
Damon: It was my idea. I thought of it after we watched "the bodyguard" for the billionth time.
Kai: Phesmatos tribum...
Damon: I never thought she'd go through with it.
Kai: Invocio caveum...
Damon: I can't watch this. (leaves)
Kai: Phesmatos tribum invocio caveum, miscero mundio. (Elena follows Damon)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ DUKE UNIVERSITY, NORTH CAROLINA ]
(Matt sits on a bench at a bus stop, freezing)
Sarah: Hey, Ansel Adams.
Matt: I have no idea who that is.
Sarah: Where are you trying to go?
Matt: Virginia. Mystic Falls.
Sarah: Virginia? (points at the bus stop sign) This is a campus bus. It has, like, 5 stops. The farthest you're gonna get is the Lenox Hospital.
Matt: Great. My buddy bailed on me, and my phone and jacket are in his car.
Sarah: This is why I don't visit animal shelters. Come on. I'll show you where you can catch a real bus.
Matt: Oh, that'd be great. I'm--I'm freezing out here.
Sarah: There's a cafe on the way. We'll get a coffee, and you can warm up.
Matt: Too bad my wallet's in my jacket.
Sarah: How were you planning on paying for the bus?
Matt (smiles) Charm.
Sarah: (laughs) Yeah. In that case, I'll buy you a bus ticket to go with that coffee.
Matt: Thank you.
Sarah: Come on.
(he follows her)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - DAMON'S BEDROOM ]
Damon: (Grabs the oldest bourbon in the house) Our suicide bourbon. Bonnie and I made a pact we'd drink this together. That's what I'm gonna do. (drinks) Mmm.
Elena: (takes the drink) To you, Bonnie. (drinks) Oh! So is Kai right about me? By turning into a vampire, I completely changed?
Damon: Kai's a psychopath. Don't let him get in your head.
Elena: I'm not, but do you ever think about it, like, if I would still be with you if I was human?
Damon: Ok. We're doing this.
Elena: It's just a question, Damon.
Damon: No.
Elena: "No" what?
Damon: No. I don't think we'd be together if you were still human. You had a choice. You chose Stefan. Human you was on your way home to him. Car went off the bridge, you turned, and suddenly, I was back in the picture.
Elena: I'm gonna go check on Jer. (She can't leave the room, revealing that they're trapped by a boundary spell) What's going on?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - PRISON WORLD ]
Jeremy: Ok. 1994. Let's do this.
Kai: Where's the stupid map?
(Jeremy finds the map and can touch it)
Jeremy: It's working.
Kai: Hurry up and find Nova Scotia.
Jeremy: (flips through the atlas) Nova Scotia. Got it. (He then drops the atlas, since he can't touch it anymore.) No! Kai, do something! (discovers that Kai's shirt starts getting blood on) Kai?
(Jeremy and Kai are then sent back. Liv drives a fire iron through Kai's stomach.)
Jeremy: No! What are you doing?
(Liv uses her magic to throw Jeremy and Kai across the room.)
Kai: (laughs) Dang, sis. That was harsh.
Liv: (angry) Shut up!
(Liv uses a pain infliction spell on him)
Kai: Aah! Agh!
Liv: Phesmatos. (Before Liv can do anything, Kai quickly uses his magic to throw a fork into her throat) Aah!
Kai: (stands up and grabs a bottle) Ha ha. Ha. Ahh. It's all coming back to me, Livvie poo. You know, the charge...
Liv: Stop it, Kai!
Kai: (continues) That races through your bones...
Liv: (shouts) Stop it!
Kai: At the prospect of watching someone burn to death? (throws the bottle away and smiles) I really missed that feeling.
Liv: Just kill me, Kai. You already killed my best friend. So just do it. Get it over with.
Kai: Why can't I do this? I don't care about you. Why can't I kill you? Come on. Kai, do it. Do it. (slaps himself on the head repeatedly) Come onnnnn! Kill her!
Liv: Motus! (uses magic to throw a fork into Kai's chest)
Kai: Ugh! (falls to the ground)
(Jeremy grabs a butter knife and throws it into Liv's shoulder. He takes the ascendant and the fork out of Kai's chest.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - DAMON'S BEDROOM ]
(Elena and Damon are still trapped in Damon's bedroom.)
Damon: What the hell is happening?
(Elena uses her vamp hearing and hears Kai groaning.)
Elena: Liv is trying to kill Kai.
Damon: (shouts) Jeremy! Jeremy!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - THE KITCHEN ]
Jeremy: Send me back. (Kai wheezes; wounded) Please
Kai: Jeremy, look at me. I'm half-dead.
Jeremy: I need to stop Bonnie. Please.
Kai: Ok. Ok. (begins) Phesmatos tribum invocio caveum, miscero mundio.
Bonnie: Cheers to making it this far. (music playing; starts crying) Ok. Think it's time I cut myself off. Agh! (angrily throws the bottle to the floor, takes the video recorder and leaves the room)
Jeremy: Stay here.
Caroline: Well, I think I got all the catharsis out of this that I'm gonna get. Let's go home.
Stefan: All right. Wait a minute. What is that?
Caroline: Shut up.
Stefan: No, no, no. I'm serious. Is that an ear?
Caroline: Oh, my God. (digs up miss cuddles) Cuddles?! (laughs)
Stefan: I'm sure we can clean her up, make her as good as new.
Caroline: Yeah. Oh, wait. (The bear's head rips off. They both start laughing.)
Stefan: Hey.
Caroline: I'm sorry. (she hugs him and starts crying)
Liv: (searches for Kai around the house) Kai! Get out here! (turns over a table)
Damon: She's right below us.
Liv: You can't hide from me!
Elena: What are you doing?
Damon: (Kicks the rubble and makes a hole down to the fireplace. Grabs the old bourbon) I said I was saving this for something special. (Drops the bottle down to the fireplace, which causes huge flames. Liv is then thrown backwards. Elena walks towards the door and finds out that the boundary spell is down.)
(Jeremy follows Bonnie inside the garage. She closes the door and starts Damon's car. She sits down and coughs.)
Jeremy: (Tries to touch her, but can't) No! Come on! You don't want to do this. Just turn off the car, Bon. You can't die.
Bonnie: (starts recording) It's probably a waste of time even recording anything, but, Damon, Elena, whoever, you find this and you figure out how to work this stupid thing, please tell everyone that I'm sorry.
Jeremy: Bonnie, no.
Bonnie: Tell them that I tried. I really tried to make it work. Um... (She cries, causing Jeremy to as well) You know, I just miss too much. I miss saying hi to strangers... ordering dinner in a restaurant, laughing with my friends... But, um, spending every day here alone with no one to talk to, going weeks without speaking, it's just the loneliness. It's--I can't take it. And I only know one way to turn it off. I'm sorry.
(Jeremy touches her arm)
Jeremy. I-I hope you're living your life with no regrets. I hope you fight for the life you want, and don't ever give up on yourself and stay strong. Something my grams said. (coughing) Stay... Strong. (continues coughing, while she struggles to get up)
Jeremy: Come on, Bonnie. Get up! Come on.
Bonnie: Gonna stay strong. I'm not gonna die in this place!
Jeremy: Come on! Get up! (Tries to open the door)
Bonnie: (gasps)
Jeremy: Bonnie, get up! (repeatedly tries to open the door. Open! Come on! Bonnie falls to the ground coughing) Come on! (finally succeeds with opening the door)
(Elena and Damon rush into the kitchen and find Jeremy and Kai.)
Elena: Oh, Jeremy. Jeremy. Hey, Jeremy. Wake up.
Damon: Kai, hey! Damn it! (gives Kai his blood)
Elena: Jeremy, wake up. Jer, wake up. (He opens his eyes) Oh! Jeremy.
Jeremy: I'm OK.
Elena: (worried) Bonnie, I-is she...
Jeremy: I saw her. Sh-she's gonna be OK. (She smiles and looks at Damon)
(Elena cleans up the broken glass. Jeremy walks inside.)
Elena: I might be able to salvage a piece if you're interested.
Jeremy: I don't think Bonnie would want us to let cake go to waste. (She takes up miss cuddles) You know, I get it. I get what she was going through, why she would want to end it, feeling trapped and alone. Every day is the same-- disappointment, misery. You go to sleep and wake up and do it all over again? But she's not the only one that's trapped.
Elena: Jeremy, I know what you've been going through.
Jeremy: Don't tell me I got to be strong.
Elena: Actually, I was gonna say it's OK to move on. Bonnie decided to save herself, and from what you told me, I think she wants you to do the same. Go to art school. We'll all help you. Just...just find the life that you want (smiles) and be happy.
Jeremy: What about you?
Elena: I'll be fine. I promise. Just get out of here... And don't look back.
Liv: (wakes up in her bed and sees Tyler) How did I get back here?
Tyler: Well, first, I woke up on the floor. Guess a pillow would have been too much to ask for, and when I figured out where you'd gone, I raced over to the Salvatore house, only to find you unconscious. I convinced Elena to give you some of her blood... And now that I see you're OK, I never want to see you again.
Liv: Tyler, wait!
Tyler: (angry) You lied to me.
Liv: No! I never wanted to hurt you!
Tyler: You lied to me!
Liv: Please just calm down.
Tyler: I'm not gonna calm down. I would have done anything for you, and you chose death over me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ DUKE UNIVERSITY, NORTH CAROLINA ]
(Matt sits back in the car with Enzo)
Enzo: So? How was your little coffee date? Heh. You fancy her, don't you?
Matt: What was the point of this?
Enzo: You were a test. I wanted to see what kind of a person the last remaining Salvatore really is. What kind of person she is? Well, she spurned your comically inept attempts to charm her and yet proved to be a good Samaritan when you needed assistance. On a scale of 1-10, I'd say her purity ranks about...9.5. When I'm through with her, she'll be a one.
Matt: So what--you're gonna compel her to be bad?
Enzo: I'm not gonna compel her. I want Sarah to know that everything she did was of her own free will.
Matt: (confused) What are you talking about?
Enzo: I'm going to insinuate myself into her life, make her do things she'd never dream of doing until she begs me to make her a vampire. Heh. Stefan thought he could protect her. I'm gonna show him how wrong he is.
(Engine starts)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - DAMON'S BEDROOM ]
Damon: So Jer's applying to art school. Hmm. (smiles to himself) Might want to compel him a decent portfolio because he ain't that great.
Elena: Don't be mean. He needs to move on with his life, and... so do I.
Damon: I'm not sure I'm a fan of that transition.
Elena: Look. I've... made some huge mistakes in my life. Being with you wasn't one of them, and, yes, I had Alaric compel away my love for you, and, yes, I did love Stefan once. The night I died, Matt was driving me back to him, and yet I found my way back to you. Damon, I somehow always find my way back to you. It doesn't matter if I have memories or not. It doesn't matter if I'm a vampire or not.
Damon: You're just saying that because you can't change what you are.
Elena: No, Damon. I don't care what human me would have done because she's not here. I am. And if the past is a place without you and me together, then... Let's stop living in it.
Damon: Yeah.
(Damon kisses Elena, starts to take off her dress and pushes her onto his bed. Damon caresses her face and they continue to kiss)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE ]
(Jeremy sits at a table with the first-year admissions application to Santa Fe Art School)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - LIVING ROOM ]
(Caroline sits in an armchair. Stefan walks over and offers her a drink. She downs it in one and he offers her his own glass. She smiles and takes the glass.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - DAMON'S BEDROOM ]
(Elena lays in Damon's bed, watching him sleep. She takes his arm, puts it around her and lays on his chest.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE - PRISON WORLD ]
(Bonnie drinks a glass of water and and discovers the atlas on the floor. She picks it up and sees the note Damon once made.)
Bonnie: Nova Scotia? (smiles) Damon, you're a genius.
(She puts her backpack in Damon's car and gets in the car, with the atlas in her hands. Puts her sunglasses on and starts the car. She drives away to find Silas' headstone.)
[ END ] | Plan: A: Bonnie; Q: Who is planning to commit suicide? A: three; Q: How many people attempt to piece the broken ascendant back together? A: a message; Q: What do the three of them want to send Bonnie? A: a disturbing realization; Q: What does Jeremy have when he tries to put the ascendant back together? A: the solitude; Q: What is Bonnie unable to take anymore? A: Kai's help; Q: What helps Jeremy stop Bonnie from committing suicide? A: goodbye; Q: What does Bonnie say to her friends via video? A: the garage door; Q: What does Jeremy open to save Bonnie? A: Stefan; Q: Who keeps a close eye on Caroline? A: his great-niece Sarah Salvatore; Q: What does Stefan discover a secret about? A: Enzo; Q: Who wants to interfere with Matt's help? A: an alternate motive; Q: Why does Enzo want to interfere with Matt? A: Caroline; Q: Who is trying to cope with the hardships in her life? A: Mystic Falls; Q: Where does Jeremy contemplate leaving for good? A: his life; Q: What does Jeremy decide it's time to move on with? Summary: It is Bonnie's birthday, and Jeremy doesn't want to celebrate but is convinced by Damon and Elena to do so. The three of them attempt to piece the broken ascendant back together in attempt to send Bonnie a message, but they have a disturbing realization. Bonnie can't take the solitude anymore and is planning to commit suicide. With Kai's help, Jeremy enters the world to try to stop Bonnie, who is in the garage and starting to poison herself with gas from the car. While saying goodbye to her friends via video, Bonnie realizes that she can't give up yet but is too weak to open the garage door and save herself. Jeremy manages to open the door, and Bonnie survives. Meanwhile, Stefan uncovers a secret about his great-niece Sarah Salvatore while Enzo wants to interfere with help from Matt for an alternate motive. Caroline is trying to cope with the hardships in her life, especially her mother's illness, so Stefan keeps a close eye on her. Lastly, Jeremy contemplates leaving Mystic Falls for good and realizes it might be time to move on with his life. |
THE MOONBASE
by KIT PEDLAR
first broadcast - 18th February 1967 running time - 24mins 40secs
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. SICK BAY
(JAMIE lies half unconscious on a bed. Suddenly he sits up. There is a CYBERMAN in front of him.)
JAMIE: It's you. The phantom piper! No! No, I'll not go with ya.
(The CYBERMAN leans over him.)
JAMIE: Do you hear me piper? No, leave me.
(The CYBERMAN moves away.)
JAMIE: Leave me, I'll not go with ya. Do you hear me? Leave me. No, I'll not go with ya.
(The CYBERMAN goes over to another bed.)
JAMIE: I'll fight ya every inch of the way.
(The PATIENT on the other bed stirs.)
JAMIE: I'll not go with ya. No.
(JAMIE continues to mumble as the CYBERMAN begins to pick up the PATIENT.)
PATIENT: No! Aah! Aah! Ahh!
(The PATIENT tries to struggle but it is useless. The CYBERMAN slings him over his shoulder and starts to leave the sick bay.)
JAMIE: Leave me piper. No, leave me, I'll not go.
(JAMIE continues to mumble deliriously as POLLY enters with some water through the doors opposite the CYBERMAN. POLLY starts to go to JAMIE but she notices the CYBERMAN carrying the PATIENT. The CYBERMAN leaves through the doors opposite her.)
POLLY: (Screaming.) Aaaahhh!
(The doors close and POLLY drops the water container. HOBSON, the DOCTOR, BEN and two base crew, SAM and JULES, rush in.)
DOCTOR: Polly!
HOBSON: What's going on?
DOCTOR: Polly, what's happened?
(POLLY rushes over to the DOCTOR.)
POLLY: Oh, Doctor! Doctor, it was horrible. A great creature like a... like a Cyberman.
(POLLY begins to sob.)
DOCTOR: It's all right. Don't be frightened. Whatever it was, it's all gone now.
POLLY: Yes, but Doctor, the the Cyberman was carrying one of the patients out!
DOCTOR: Cyberman?
HOBSON: Cyberman? What are you talking about?
POLLY: I'm sure it was. I'm sure it was!
(JAMIE suddenly sits up.)
DOCTOR: Are you sure?
JAMIE: I'll not go with you!
BEN: Alright mate, you're safe now. Take it easy.
POLLY: Yes it did, I promise you.
(HOBSON is standing by the bed where the patient was.)
HOBSON: She's right. There's yet another one gone.
(The DOCTOR, POLLY and BEN go to the missing PATIENT's bed.)
HOBSON: Sam, Jules, you've got to find these men. They can't just disappear in a place this size. Search every square inch, don't come back until you've found them. Now move.
(SAM and JULES leave. HOBSON goes over to POLLY.)
HOBSON: Now, supposing you tell me your story. What did you see?
POLLY: Well, I went out to get Jamie some water and... and when I came back I saw this giant man or or or creature or something just going out of the door carrying one of the patients like a doll. I think it was a Cyberman.
HOBSON: Forget the Cyberman part. Then what?
POLLY: Well, then nothing. The the door shut and then you came in.
(HOBSON moves over to the DOCTOR.)
HOBSON: What do you know about all this?
DOCTOR: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
HOBSON: We'll see about that in a minute.
(HOBSON swings round to face POLLY.)
HOBSON: This thing you saw, what was it like?
POLLY: It was enormous and silver and it had holes in it's head for eyes, like a robot!
HOBSON: A robot?
BEN: But the Cybermen were all killed when Mondas blew up, weren't they?
HOBSON: Stop this Cyberman nonsense. There were Cybermen, every child knows that, but they were all destroyed ages ago.
DOCTOR: So we all thought.
HOBSON: That's enough! Now let's have a little calm thinking. For the past two weeks a completely unknown disease has appeared in the base. People drop in their tracks, they develop this black pattern on their skin. Then some of the patients disappear, right?
(HOBSON swings round to face the DOCTOR, BEN and POLLY.)
HOBSON: Well, they can't leave the base without wearing space suits, there are no space suits missing, so where are they?
DOCTOR: I must say it does sound a little odd.
HOBSON: More than a little. Well I do know one thing. A new disease starts, people disappear and then you turn up.
(POLLY and BEN walk towards HOBSON.)
POLLY: And you think we did it.
BEN: Oh, come off it, we haven't done a thing!
HOBSON: That's as maybe. I don't know who you are, what you are or where you come from... (Pauses.) ...but you can get off the moon now.
BEN: Yeah, well that suits me fine. The sooner the better!
(BEN goes over to the door.)
DOCTOR: No Ben, we can't go yet.
BEN: Well why not? They don't want us here.
DOCTOR: Because there is something evil here and we must stay.
HOBSON: Evil? Don't be daft!
DOCTOR: Evil is what I meant. There are some corners of the universe which have bred the most terrible things. Things which act against everything that we believe in. They must be fought. This disease, for instance. It isn't really a disease at all but I can help you with it. You'll see. I'll find the cause for you.
HOBSON: Will you indeed?
DOCTOR: Yes, certainly. Just need to examine a few things, that's all. Should be simple.
HOBSON: Well, I'm not sure. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give you just one Earth day cycle to find the cause.
BEN: Earth what?
HOBSON: Twenty four hours.
BEN: But that's no time at all!
HOBSON: It's all the time you're going to get. Then you get off the moon, complete with this bloke here.
(HOBSON indicates JAMIE.)
POLLY: But you can't move him, he's very ill!
DOCTOR: We accept. Now, tell me, (Clearing throat.) hmm, you have pathological equipment here, yes?
HOBSON: Yes, Evans was working on an extensive research project. It's all in here.
(HOBSON indicates a small round area in the middle of the sick bay.)
DOCTOR: Yes, I'll have a look in here. (Clearing throat.) hum.
(They enter the research area.)
HOBSON: It's quite a small unit. We're not equipped to deal with a full scale epidemic, you understand. Do you think you can manage?
DOCTOR: (Examining all the equipment.) Yes, I think I can.
HOBSON: Right. Well, I'll leave you to it. But don't forget, twenty four hours.
(HOBSON leaves the sick bay. The DOCTOR carries a tray of medical equipment over to one of the patients.)
BEN: What are you going to do Doctor?
DOCTOR: I'm going to start with this one. (Clearing throat.) Hmm.
POLLY: Listen, are you really a medical doctor?
(The DOCTOR is taking a skin sample from the patient.)
DOCTOR: Yes, I... I think I was once... Polly, I think I took a degree once in Glasgow, 1888 I think. Lister.
(He passes POLLY a container with cotton wool inside.)
DOCTOR: Hold that Polly, will you?
(The DOCTOR takes a swab of cotton wool and rubs it on the patient's wrist, where he took the skin sample. The patient's hand convulses.)
POLLY: Uuuhh!
(POLLY holds her hands to her face.)
POLLY: Uh! Uuh!
DOCTOR: It's all right. He's quite unconscious. (Clearing throat.) Hmm.
(The DOCTOR carries the tray back to the research area. BEN and POLLY follow.)
BEN: Well look, what can we do to help?
DOCTOR: I shall need to examine everything. Clothes, boots, food, towels, soap, everything. Will you get them for me please?
POLLY: Have you any idea what it might be?
DOCTOR: No. Not an idea. But we'll find it out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. CONTROL ROOM
(One of the base personnel leaves the gravitron control room. He wearily puts away his protective cap and leaves the control room.)
HOBSON: I don't understand it. I'm sure there's a lack of coordination somewhere.
BENOIT: Yes, but where?
HOBSON: On the indicators, look!
(On the indicator screen a carefully plotted point moves.)
HOBSON: Should be steady as a rock.
BENOIT: The fault must be in the gravitron.
HOBSON: Nils, here.
NILS: Yes Hobby?
(NILS joins HOBSON.)
HOBSON: I'm going to run a test. Move the probe and we'll see if the indicators move the right distance on the map.
(NILS sits down.)
HOBSON: OK?
NILS: Right.
HOBSON: Benoit, keep an eye on the probe itself, will you?
BENOIT: OK.
(BENOIT turns to BOB.)
BENOIT: All yours, Bob.
BOB: Right.
(They manipulate some controls. BENOIT walks over to the gravitron probe.)
HOBSON: Deflect probe five degrees - now.
(As NILS operates the control the gravitron probe moves.)
HOBSON: Way off! Five degrees should put him over Iceland. Move the probe back again.
(NILS does so.)
HOBSON: Right.
(BENOIT walks over to them.)
BENOIT: The probe seemed to deflect alright.
HOBSON: The fault must be here. This could be a major disaster if we can't stabilise the Earth's field!
NILS: If we lose that hurricane Mr Hobson all hell will break loose on the Earth! I've a wife and family.
HOBSON: Yeah, you're not the only one. Roget, check the predentiometers.
BENOIT: Right.
(BENOIT walks over to the gravitron control area and puts on a cap before entering.)
HOBSON: Nils, check the... check the gravitation units. Check it out for everyone one time.
(BENOIT goes over to the controls in the gravitron control area.)
NILS: Field stabilising at 48, Mr Hobson.
HOBSON: Prepare to move probe. Check co-ordinates. We've got to hold that hurricane in the Pacific. Stand by - now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. LUNAR SURFACE
(We see the gravitron probe raise itself.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. CONTROL AREA
(BENOIT leaves the gravitron control room and goes over to HOBSON.)
BENOIT: Twenty degree tilt. Complete.
HOBSON: Field's not correcting. We'll have to increase the reactor power.
BENOIT: You can't do that! The torus will burn out!
HOBSON: It's all we can do.
(The communication centre comes into life.)
SPACE CONTROL: (Over radio.) International space control.
RADIO OPERATOR: Earth calling.
(HOBSON walks over to the communications centre.)
SPACE CONTROL: Earth calling Moon weather control. Stand by. Stand by for the controller.
RADIO OPERATOR: This is moonbase. Come in please.
SPACE CONTROL: We wish to speak to Mr Hobson.
HOBSON: Hobson speaking.
SPACE CONTROL: Stand by for the controller.
HOBSON: Right. He's actually going to speak to us this time.
RINBERG: (Over radio.) Controller Rinberg speaking.
(HOBSON clears his throat.)
RINBERG: Is that you Hobson?
HOBSON: Yes, Rinberg.
RINBERG: The directional field is showing a progressive error. Reports have come in of wide-spread pressure fluctuations in Atlantic zone 6. You must get the gravitron back into balance.
HOBSON: We're trying to compensate by re-aligning the probe. We have an error in the servos.
RINBERG: Well there's no sign of any improvement here. We've just had a report from Miami, Florida. Thirty minutes ago they were enjoying clear skies and a heat wave. Now hurricane Lucy is right overhead.
BENOIT: There is only one thing to do.
HOBSON: What's that?
BENOIT: Shut it down.
HOBSON: What, switch the gravitron off?!
BENOIT: Yes, it's the only chance.
HOBSON: We can't do that, man. The collapse of the gravity would devastate half the globe. There'd be storms, whirlwinds, hurricanes...
RINBERG: I overheard your conversation. It's quite out of the question. You're not to shut down the gravitron under any circumstances. And that's an order. I er... (Coughs.) I think perhaps you don't appreciate how serious the situation already is.
HOBSON: I bet he gets a knighthood!
RINBERG: We spent years in a general assembly negotiating methods of agreement between farmers and landowners and so on.
(We see the anxious faces of all the base's crew and the furious face of HOBSON.)
RINBERG: Now the weather's out of control they're after our blood. I must say I can't blame them. You've got to get that thing under control. Quickly. Now please get on with it.
SPACE CONTROL: Earth control over and out.
HOBSON: Well, you're all in the picture. We've got trouble, bad trouble, we haven't got much time. We're going to run through every circuit, every field pattern, every damn nut and bolt on Charlie boy in there...
(HOBSON indicates the gravitron control room.)
HOBSON: ...until he's running sweet and smooth. A full class A test, in fact. Now you all know what to do so let's get on with it.
SEVERAL CREW: Ok chief.
(They all move away except BENOIT and NILS.)
HOBSON: Right, we'll start on the main tape program.
BENOIT: Right.
(BENOIT and NILS enter a small room off of the control room. HOBSON follows with a clip board.)
NILS: It's running now.
HOBSON: Right, give it the analogue value on module 6, will you?
BENOIT: Will do. They look alright. AF-10 milligons. BF-15 milligons, CF-26. That fits, doesn't it?
HOBSON: Yes, they're in normal levels.
(He passes BENOIT the clipboard.)
HOBSON: Roget, finish checking here, will you? The answer may be in the control panel.
BENOIT: Ok.
(HOBSON leaves and the DOCTOR enters carrying some tongs and a tray.)
BENOIT: I'll sing out the binary conversion values, you check them on read out, ok?
NILS: Right.
BENOIT: Right.
(The DOCTOR takes a sample of loose material from BENOIT's T-shirt. He places it on the tray.)
BENOIT: Channel one.
(NILS looks at some tape protruding from the machine.)
NILS: Yo
(NILS checks the figures against the tape.)
BENOIT: Eight.
NILS: Right.
BENOIT: One.
NILS: Mm-hm.
(The DOCTOR starts to cut a square of material out of BENOIT's trousers.)
BENOIT: Three.
NILS: Yau.
BENOIT: Four.
NILS: Yau.
BENOIT: Six.
NILS: Right.
BENOIT: Eight.
NILS: Right.
BENOIT: Twelve.
NILS: Yau.
BENOIT: Right?
NILS: Right. All spot on.
BENOIT: Right.
(Suddenly BENOIT notices the DOCTOR who is just finishing cutting the material off of BENOIT's trousers.)
BENOIT: Eh là, qu'est-ce que vous fabriquez, imbécile d'idiot!
(The DOCTOR removes the material and places it on the tray.)
BENOIT: Vous n'avez rien d'autre à faire? Vous croyez que nous sommes en train de nous amuser?
(The DOCTOR rises and smiles.)
BENOIT: (To NILS) Oh, come on. (To the DOCTOR.) Get out of the way!
DOCTOR: Enchanté monsieur.
(BENOIT and NILS enter the control area. The DOCTOR follows.)
BENOIT: Now, where were we? Ah yes, the fluid servo pressures. I reckon this is probably where the fault is.
NILS: Er, do you want them all or just the main tank readings?
BENOIT: Just the main will do.
NILS: Right.
(NILS examines a console.)
NILS: Header one-45 pounds.
BENOIT: Yes.
NILS: Header two-47
BENOIT: Yes.
NILS: Three-42.
(The DOCTOR starts untying NILS' boot.)
BENOIT: Yes.
NILS: Sin values equivalent.
BENOIT: They all fit. Nothing there.
NILS: It must be the potentiometer nut, then.
BENOIT: Looks like it. Take us some time to do that. We'll need the digital volt meter.
(Someone walks over to NILS and the DOCTOR.)
NILS: Right, I'll get it.
(As NILS steps away the DOCTOR is left with the boot in his hand. The DOCTOR stands up, only to come face to face with HOBSON.)
HOBSON: What the blazes are you doing?!
DOCTOR: I'm, er, just collecting specimins.
HOBSON: Specimens? Oh yes, yes. Well get on with it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. SICK BAY
(BEN is examining a bottle labelled "INTERFERON". He takes it over to POLLY.)
BEN: We're nearly out of this interferon stuff.
POLLY: Oh, well you'd better go and ask Mr Hobson where the rest is.
BEN: Yeah, right.
(BEN takes the bottle and leaves. POLLY walks over to JAMIE. JAMIE is tossing and moaning.)
JAMIE: Uuhuuh! Uuhuh!
POLLY: Sshh. It's all right Jamie, you're going to get better but you must lie still.
JAMIE: Uuhuh, what is this place? Is it the home of the piper?
POLLY: No, we're on the moon. You know, the moon, up in the sky.
JAMIE: Oh no, I can't be alive. I I've just seen the piper.
(Suddenly JAMIE sits up and looks past POLLY.)
JAMIE: Aahah!
(POLLY turns to see what JAMIE is looking at and comes face to face with a CYBERMAN.)
POLLY: Uuh!
(POLLY backs away.)
POLLY: Uh! Uh! Uuh!
(The CYBERMAN raises its arms. Some sort of flash comes out of it's fingertips. POLLY convulses and collapses onto the floor. The CYBERMAN then turns and advances on JAMIE.)
JAMIE: The piper! I I knew!
(The CYBERMAN fires another flash and JAMIE falls unconscious. It advances on JAMIE, but after looking at JAMIE's face the CYBERMAN turns away. The CYBERMAN goes over to another bed and effortlessly picks up the patient. The CYBERMAN leaves with the PATIENT in its arms. The DOCTOR enters with his tray and sees POLLY lying on the ground. He hurriedly puts down the tray and rushes over to her.)
DOCTOR: Polly! What's happened? Polly!
(POLLY does not respond.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. CONTROL ROOM
(HOBSON is supervising the tests. He walks over to BENOIT, who is by the gravitron probe.)
HOBSON: Anything out on the probe's servos?
BENOIT: The aero detectors show a slight discrepancy. Normal limits, though.
HOBSON: What about the overall feedback valve? We haven't checked that.
BENOIT: Well, that's an idea.
(BENOIT walks away from the probe.)
HOBSON: You know, I don't think it's likely to be a mechanical fault.
(JOE, one of the base personnel, rushes over.)
JOE: Mr Hobson, an air pressure drop again.
HOBSON: Same as before?
JOE: Yes, just the same. Lasts about five seconds.
HOBSON: Something odd. It's not the pumps, I'm sure of that. Has anyone asked permission to leave the base?
JOE: No, as far as I know the compression chamber's empty.
HOBSON: If I find anybody's been fooling about in there without permission, I'll tear their hides off!
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. STORE ROOM
(We see a pile of food in bags against one wall. Suddenly, a CYBERMAN pushes the pile down and emerges from a hole hidden behind them. He walks into the store room and starts to pile the food bags back against the wall to conceal the hole.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. CONTROL ROOM
JOE: Pressure's up again now sir.
HOBSON: Thank heaven for that. I'm going to check over the control loop monitor.
BENOIT: Control loop monitor. Huh! I think you're wasting your time.
HOBSON: Nothing's a waste of time till we trace this fault, and don't you forget it! You saw what's happening on Earth, we can't afford to miss anything, now get on with it!
(HOBSON begins to walk away.)
SAM: I think I've found something!
HOBSON: What is it?
SAM: One of the probe control antennae.
(HOBSON walks over.)
BENOIT: Well? What's the matter with it?
SAM: Well, according to these readings there are at least two pieces of it missing. It's just not coordinating.
HOBSON: Missing?
BENOIT: Meteorites?
HOBSON: Could be. There could be a simpler explanation. Roget, when did these people arrive here?
BENOIT: The end of period 11 this present lunar day.
HOBSON: And when did the gravitron start playing up?
BENOIT: About the beginning of period 12.
HOBSON: Sam, when was the last time we had anyone outside?
SAM: During period 13. Two men went outside to realign one of the solar mirrors.
HOBSON: That's it!
BENOIT: I'm not quite with you.
HOBSON: Well it's simple. Strangers arrive period 11, the gravitron goes up the spout period 12.
BENOIT: I understand! But that means...
HOBSON: Come on! It's time we put that Doctor and his friend in cold storage.
(HOBSON, BENOIT and SAM start to leave. HOBSON stops in mid stride.)
HOBSON: Just a second. Get two men outside to look at the antennae, will you Sam?
SAM: Ok.
(Sam walks over to JOE, who is sitting at a console.)
SAM: Right, Joe nip along to the mess deck, tell Jules and Franz I want them here pretty sharpish.
JOE: Right.
(JOE starts to leave but he stops when he sees BEN enter.)
HOBSON: Well, now what is it?
BEN: Another patient's gone sir.
HOBSON: What?! Come on!
(HOBSON, BEN, JOE and BENOIT all rush out of the room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. COMPRESSION CHAMBER
(The door opens and JULES and FRANZ enter. They are wearing space suits. They check each other's pipes are securely in and pat each other on the shoulder to communicate this fact. They walk through another door and start to climb two ladders. They reach the top and one of them presses a button. Two doors open that lead out onto the moon's surface and they walk through them.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. RESEARCH AREA IN SICK BAY
(The DOCTOR is examining slides in a microscope. He stands up.)
DOCTOR: (Tutting.) Ttt. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
POLLY: Isn't there any clue at all?
DOCTOR: No. It's a complete blank. All the tests are negative.
(He leaves the research area.)
DOCTOR: As far as I can see this whole ridiculous place is completely sterile!
(He picks up some stuff on one of the empty beds and examines it.)
POLLY: We'll have to go and tell Mr Hobson, I suppose.
DOCTOR: He's not going to like it very much.
(The DOCTOR picks up NILS' boot.)
DOCTOR: I simply don't understand it.
POLLY: Doctor, erm, it it wouldn't... I mean it couldn't possibly have anything to do with Lister, could it?
DOCTOR: Lister?
POLLY: Well, I mean, you did say that you took your degree in Glasgow in 1888. It does seem an awful long time from now, 2070 or whatever it is.
DOCTOR: Polly, are you suggesting that I'm not competent to carry out these tests?
POLLY: Oh no. No, no no, no I was just wondering if there was anything that Joseph Lister didn't know in 1888 that might possibly help you now.
DOCTOR: Sshh! Somebody's coming.
(The DOCTOR walks towards the door.)
DOCTOR: It's Mr Hobson! Out for blood. Ours! (Coughs.) Hmm, look busy. Quick!
(The DOCTOR rushes into the research area just as HOBSON, BEN, TED and BENOIT walk into the sick bay.)
HOBSON: That's as might be but that's the third person to disappear in the past few hours. It's completely illogical. Single beds, no way to get out...
DOCTOR: Do you mind?!
(He stands up from the microscope which he was "examining".)
HOBSON: What?
DOCTOR: Would you mind standing away from the door and allowing it to close? The slides, the dust!
HOBSON: Benoit.
(He indicates the doors and BENOIT closes them. HOBSON walks over to the DOCTOR.)
HOBSON: It must be you people. We've got some straight talking to do, you and I!
DOCTOR: Polly.
(The DOCTOR looks as if he's found something on the slide.)
POLLY: Yes?
DOCTOR: Another boot.
POLLY: Right.
(POLLY goes to get another boot from the bed.)
HOBSON: Do you hear me?!
DOCTOR: Mmm?
(He looks at HOBSON.)
DOCTOR: This is extraordinary!
(POLLY walks over and passes the DOCTOR a boot.)
POLLY: Here we go.
DOCTOR: Here.
(Polly places the boot on the table by the microscope. HOBSON walks over into the research area. The DOCTOR removes a lens from the microscope.)
HOBSON: Now look here...
DOCTOR: Excuse me please.
(The DOCTOR goes to get a different lens for the microscope. He then fits it onto the microscope.)
DOCTOR: We are trying to help you, you know.
HOBSON: Help? Is that what you call it?! You can all get off the moon now!
POLLY: Now, wait a minute, you said...
HOBSON: I don't care what I said!
DOCTOR: Aahh!
HOBSON: Found something?
(HOBSON is intrigued.)
DOCTOR: I think perhaps I have.
HOBSON: Really?
(HOBSON leans closer to the microscope.)
DOCTOR: Yes I... I may be onto something but - I must have some room! (Coughs.) Hhh. How can I work under these conditions? Now out, please!
(The DOCTOR pushes HOBSON out of the research area.)
DOCTOR: Come along, outside. I'm trying to work in here! Ben, see that they stay outside.
(BEN, TED, HOBSON and BENOIT leave.)
POLLY: Doctor, did you mean that?
DOCTOR: What?
POLLY: You've found something!
DOCTOR: Oh Polly, I only wish I had.
(POLLY shrugs.)
DOCTOR: Why not make some coffee to keep them all happy while I think of something?
POLLY: All right.
(POLLY leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. LUNAR SURFACE
(JULES and FRANZ walk over to the antennae. They begin examining it. Suddenly they turn around. Two CYBERMEN are standing there. The CYBERMEN raise their arms and strike the two men. JULES and FRANZ collapse to the ground.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. HALLWAY OUTSIDE SICK BAY
(HOBSON, SAM and BENOIT and another crew member, TED, are waiting outside. The DOCTOR emerges from the sick bay.)
HOBSON: Here, Doctor.
(He beckons the DOCTOR over.)
HOBSON: You've completed your examination?
DOCTOR: Yes, just about.
HOBSON: Turned the base upside-down, poked into everything?
DOCTOR: Yes, clothes, boots, food...
HOBSON: And you've found?
DOCTOR: Absolutely nothing.
HOBSON: Just as I thought.
DOCTOR: Oh, thank you.
HOBSON: So what I told you still stands.
(POLLY enters with a tray of coffee.)
DOCTOR: Ah, coffee! Splendid. Thank you Polly, er, I think we could all do with a cup.
(POLLY places the tray on the floor.)
HOBSON: Benoit, you'd better go outside and see how Jules and Franz are getting on.
BENOIT: Right.
(BENOIT leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. LUNAR SURFACE
(There are two empty space suits lying by the antennae.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. HALL OUTSIDE SICK BAY
POLLY: Coffee?
HOBSON: Well Doctor...
POLLY: Sugar?
HOBSON: Oh er, er, thank you.
(POLLY passes HOBSON a container of sugar.)
POLLY: It's very hot. Doctor, what about you?
DOCTOR: Thank you Polly.
(JOHN is drinking some coffee.)
HOBSON: Well Doctor, as I was saying, you've had your chance and you've come up with absolutely nothing. Now I want...
(JOHN sways, then screams and collapses onto the floor.)
DOCTOR: Now, don't touch him! Let me look.
(As the DOCTOR looks a black pattern appears on JOHN's skin.)
HOBSON: Here, Charlie and you - what's your name, Ben, give us a hand to get him into the medical unit.
DOCTOR: Try not to touch his skin.
(JOHN is carried into the sick bay. HOBSON, POLLY and the DOCTOR sit down. HOBSON picks up his coffee and the DOCTOR realises something. The DOCTOR looks at the sugar.)
DOCTOR: Don't drink that!
(The DOCTOR knocks HOBSON's coffee out of his hands.)
HOBSON: What?
DOCTOR: It's the sugar! Don't you see? That's why the disease doesn't affect everyone. It's the sugar, not everyone takes it!
(HOBSON goes to pick up the sugar.)
DOCTOR: No, don't touch it!
(The DOCTOR produces the tongs from his pocket and picks up the container with them. He enters the sick bay and rushes over to the microscope. He puts some sugar onto a slide.)
HOBSON: What are you doing?
DOCTOR: Just be patient.
(He examines the slide under the microscope and we see some sort of organism is on the slide.)
DOCTOR: Just as I thought. A large, neurotropic virus.
HOBSON: What, like the space plague?
DOCTOR: No. It's a large, infective agent that only attacks the nerves. That's why the patients have got these lines on their faces and their hands. It follows the course of the nerves under the skin.
HOBSON: That's all very well, but how did it get in here?
DOCTOR: Oh, it is the Cybermen. I believe they have deliberately infected the base.
HOBSON: My men have searched every square inch of the base. There's no space to hide a cat, let alone a Cyberman! Anyhow, how did they get in?
(The DOCTOR realises something.)
DOCTOR: One moment.
HOBSON: What is it?
(The DOCTOR, HOBSON, BEN and POLLY walk over to a bed.)
DOCTOR: You say you searched all the base?
HOBSON: Yes. What of it?
DOCTOR: Every nook and cranny?
HOBSON: Yes.
DOCTOR: No chance of anyone hiding anywhere?
HOBSON: None whatever.
DOCTOR: Did your men search in here?
HOBSON: Well...
DOCTOR: Did they?
HOBSON: Well, (Sighs.) there are always people in here so they thought that...
DOCTOR: (Whispering urgently.) Did they search in here?
HOBSON: No!
POLLY: But there's nowhere in here they could hide.
(Everyone follows the DOCTOR over to a bed. The DOCTOR inspects all the beds in turn until he comes to one particular bed. He sees the boots of a Cyberman sticking out.)
POLLY: Oh no!
(The DOCTOR indicates for everyone to back away.)
POLLY: No! No! Oh no!
(The CYBERMAN gets out of the bed. The whole bed shakes with his strength, as even this simple movement shows. He withdraws his gun from it's holster and advances towards the DOCTOR and co...) | Plan: A: the disappearances; Q: What do the Doctor and his friends try to convince the Moonbase crew that the Cybermen are responsible for? A: a cure; Q: What do the Doctor and his friends hope to find for the plague? Summary: The Doctor and his friends attempt to convince the Moonbase crew that the Cybermen are responsible for the disappearances and find a cure for the plague. |
Originally written by . Transcribed by Joshua Hodge.
[Scene: Chandler's bedroom. Chandler is sleeping and Eddie is there watching him.]
[Chandler wakes up]
CHANDLER: Hey Eddie. Daahh!! What're you doin' here?
EDDIE: Nothin' roomie, just watchin' you sleep.
CHANDLER: Why?
EDDIE: Makes me feel um, peaceful, heh-heh, please.
CHANDLER: I can't sleep now.
EDDIE: You want me to sing?
CHANDLER: No, look, that's it, it's over, I want you out, I want you out of the apartment now.
EDDIE: Woah, woah, woah, what're, what're you talkin' about man.
CHANDLER: Hannibal Lecter...better roommate than you.
EDDIE: No. See now I don't think you're being fair. I mean one night you see me and you get scared, I mean, what about all the other nights when you don't see me, huh? What about last night when you went and got a drink of water and I was nice enough to hide behind the door, what's that about, huh?
CHANDLER: I didn't realize that.
EDDIE: Yeah.
CHANDLER: GET OUT NOW!!
EDDIE: Ok, you really want me out?
CHANDLER: Yes please.
EDDIE: Ok, then I want to hear you say it, I, I want to hear you say you want me out.
CHANDLER: I want you out.
EDDIE: No no no, I wanna hear it from your lips.
CHANDLER: Where did you hear it from before?
EDDIE: Oh, right, all right, you know what pallie I understand, consider me gone, you know what, I'll be out by the time you get home from work tomorrow.
[Eddie leaves the room and Chandler mouths "Thank you" to himself]
EDDIE: I heard that.
OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Rachel are there, Joey enters wearing an old looking hat.]
JOEY: Hey.
MONICA: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey. Whe-ell, look at you, finally got that time machine workin' huh?
JOEY: Seriously, you like it? This guy was sellin' them on 8th avenue and I looked at 'em and I though, you know what I don't have?
MONICA: A mirror?
JOEY: Fine, make fun. I think it's jaunty.
MONICA: Wow, for a guy who's recently lost his job, you're in an awfully good mood.
JOEY: Hey, I'll be alright. I mean it's not like I'm starting from sqare one. I was Dr. Drake Remoray on Days of Our Lives. Heh? I mean that's gotta have some kind of cache.
MONICA: Cache? Jaunty?
JOEY: Chandler gave me word of the day toilet paper. I'm gonna get some coffee.
[Phoebe enters]
PHOEBE: Hey.
MONICA: Hey.
RACHEL: Hey.
PHOEBE: Oooh, so so so, did you read the book?
MONICA: Oh my God, it was incredible.
PHOEBE: Didn't it like totally speak to you?
RACHEL: Woah, woah, woah, what book is this?
MONICA: Rachel you have to read this book. It's called Be Your Own Windkeeper. It's about how women need to become more empowered.
PHOEBE: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men, they just take it.
RACHEL: Men just take out wind?
PHOEBE: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.
RACHEL: Wow.
PHOEBE: Yeah.
RACHEL: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.
MONICA: It is nothing like the Hobbit. It's like reading about every relationship I've ever had, except for Richard.
PHOEBE: Oh yes, no, Richard would never steal your wind.
MONICA: No.
PHOEBE: No, 'cause he's yummy.
MONICA: Yes. But all the other ones.
PHOEBE: Oh yes. Oh and, the part about how they're always like drinking from out pool of inner power, but God forbid we should take a sip.
JOEY: Anybody want a croan.
PHOEBE: Ok, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there, it's like, um, 'Hello, who wants one of my fallic shaped man cakes?'
[Scene: Estelle Leonard Talent Agency.Joey is there.]
ESTELLE: Don't worry about it already. Things happen.
JOEY: So, you're not mad at me for getting fired and everything?
ESTELLE: Joey, look at me, look at me. Do I have lipstick on my teeth?
JOEY: No, can we get back to me?
ESTELLE: Look honey, people get fired left and right in this business. I already got you an audition for Another World.
JOEY: Alright. Cab driver number two?
ESTELLE: You're welcome.
JOEY: But I was Dr. Drake Remoray. How can I go from bein' a neurosurgeon to drivin' a cab?
ESTELLE: Things change, roll with em.
JOEY: But this is a two line part, it's like takin' a step backwards. I'm not gonna do this.
ESTELLE: Joey, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Al Minser and his pyramid of dogs. Take any job you can get and don't make on the floor.
JOEY: I'm sorry. See ya.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are there. Rachel has just finished reading the book.]
RACHEL: Oh, God, oh, God, I mean it's just so.
MONICA: Isn't it.
RACHEL: Uhh, I mean this is like reading about my own life. I mean this book could have been called 'Be Your Own Windkeeper Rachel'.
PHOEBE: I don't think it would have sold a million copies but it would have made a nice gift for you.
ROSS: Hey you guys.
MONICA: Hey.
ROSS: Uh, sweetie we've gotta go.
RACHEL: NO!
ROSS: No?
RACHEL: No, why do we always have to do everything according to your time table?
ROSS: Actually it's the movie theatre that has the time schedule. So you don't miss the beginning.
RACHEL: No, see this isn't about the movie theatre, this is about you stealing my wind.
MONICA: You go girl. I can't pull that off can I?
ROSS: Excuse me, your, your, your wind?
RACHEL: Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
ROSS: You, you know I, I don't, have a- have a problem with that.
RACHEL: Ok, I just, I just really need to be with myself right now. I'm sorry.
PHOEBE: Um-um, um-um.
RACHEL: You're right, I don't have to apologize. Sorry. Damnit!
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Ross enter.]
JOEY: What is it?
ROSS: I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.
JOEY: See, this is why I don't date women who read. Uh-oh.
ROSS: What, what's that?
JOEY: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
ROSS: Open it, open in.
JOEY: Oh my God.
ROSS: Woah.
JOEY: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?
ROSS: Uh Joey, that's just the minumum amount due, that's your total due.
JOEY: Ahh.
ROSS: What, woah, woah, $3500 at porcelain safari?
JOEY: My animals. Hey the guy said they suited me, he spoke with an accent, I was all confused. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
ROSS: Well I guess you can start by drivin a cab on Another World.
JOEY: What?
ROSS: That audition.
JOEY: That's a two line part.
ROSS: Joey, you owe $1100 at I Love Lucite.
JOEY: So what.
ROSS: So suck it up man, it's a job, it's money.
JOEY: Hey, look, I don't need you getting all judgemental and condescending and pedantic.
ROSS: Toilet paper?
JOEY: Yeah.
ROSS: Look, I'm not being any of those things, ok, I'm just being realistic.
JOEY: Well knock it off, you're supposed to be my friend.
ROSS: I am your friend.
JOEY: Well then tell me things like, 'Joey you'll be fine,' and, 'Hang in there,' and, and, 'Somethin' big's fonna come along, I know it.'
ROSS: But I don't know it. What I do know is that you owe $2300 at Isn't it Chromantic.
JOEY: Hey Ross, I'm aware of what I owe.
ROSS: Ok, well then get some sense. I mean it took you what, 10 years to get that job, who knows how long it's gonna be till you get another.
JOEY: Look, I don't wanna hear this right now.
ROSS: Huh, I'm just saying...
JOEY: Well don't just say.
ROSS: Ya know, maybe, maybe I should just go.
JOEY: Ok.
ROSS: Ok. I'll see ya later. Just think about it, ok.
JOEY: I don't need to think about it. I was Dr. Drake Remoray. That was huge. Big things are gonna happen, you'll see. Ross, you still there?
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler peeks in the door. He doesn't see Eddie so he enters, breathing a sigh of relief. Eddie pops up from behind the bar.]
EDDIE: Hey pal.
CHANDLER: Ahhhh-gaaaahhh. Eddie what're you still doin' here?
EDDIE: Ah, just some basic dehydrating of a few fruits and vegetables. MAN ALIVE this thing's fantastic!
CHANDLER: Look Eddie, aren't you forgetting anything?
EDDIE: Oh yeah, that's right, look I got us a new goldfish. He's a lot fiestier that the last one.
CHANDLER: Maybe 'cause the last one was made by Pepperidge Farm. Look Eddie, isn't there something else you're supposed to be doing right now?
EDDIE: Well, not unless it's got something to do with dehydrating my man because right now I'm a dehydrating maniac!
CHANDLER: Look you have to help me out here. I thought we had a deal. I thought by the time...
EDDIE: Ah-ah-ah, you know what that is?
CHANDLER: Your last roommate's kidney?
EDDIE: That's a tomato. This one definitely goes in the display.
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey goes up to the bar to order.]
JOEY: Hey Gunther, let me get a lemonade to go.
GUNTHER: Lemonade? You ok man?
JOEY: Ah, it's career stuff. I don't know if you heard but they killed off my character on the show.
GUNTHER: Oh, that's too bad. How'd they do it?
JOEY: I fell down an elevator shaft.
GUNTHER: That sucks. I was buried in an avalanche.
JOEY: What?
GUNTHER: I used to be Bryce on All My Children.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Chandler is sleeping on the couch. Monica walks by and starts watching him.]
[Chandler wakes up]
CHANDLER: Daaahhhh!
MONICA: Aaahhhhhhh! Aaahhhh!
CHANDLER: Why must everybody watch me sleep? There'll be no more watching me sleep, no more watching.
MONICA: I wa-
CHANDLER: Uuuh.
[Scene: Chandler's apartment. Chandler is returning from Monica and Rachel's with his bedding. Eddie is standing at the bar with his dehydrator and loads of fruit.]
EDDIE: Hey man, check it out, I got some great stuff to dehydrate here. I got some grapes, got some apricots, I thought it would be really cool to see what happens with these water balloons.
CHANDLER: Get out. Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.
EDDIE: What?
CHANDLER: You, move out. Take your fruit, your stupid small fruit and GET OUT!
EDDIE: You, you want, you want me to move out?
CHANDLER: Uh-huh.
EDDIE: I uh, I gotta tell you man, I mean, that's uh, it's kinda out of the blue, I mean don't you think?
CHANDLER: This is not out of the blue, this is smack dab in the middle of the blue.
EDDIE: Ohhhh. Relax, take it easy buddy. Tell me twice, you want me to go? Alright, alright, guess I'll be back for my stuff. [walks out the door and after a pause comes back in] But if you think for one second I'm leaving you alone with my fish, you're insane Jack!
CHANDLER: You want some help.
EDDIE: No help required Chico. [reaches into the tank and grabs the fish and puts it in his pocket]
[Scene: Joey is at the cab driver interview.]
JOEY: All the way to the airport huh? You know that's over 30 miles, that's gonna cost you about so bucks.
CASTING GUY: Excuse me, that's 50 bucks.
JOEY: What?
CASTING GUY: Five oh dollars.
JOEY: Ohh, you know what it is? It's smudgy 'cause they're fax pages. Now when I was on Days of Our Lives as Dr. Drake Remoray, they'd send over the whole script on real paper and everything.
CASTING GUY: That's great.
JOEY: And, and just so you know, if you wanted to expand this scene like, like have the cab crash or somethin', I could attend to the victims 'cause I have a background in medical acting.
CASTING GUY: Ok, listen, thanks for coming in.
JOEY: No no, uh, don't thank me for comin' in. Uh, at least let me finish. Uh, we could take the expressway but uh, this time of day you're better off taking the budge. You were goin' for the word bridge there weren't ya. I'll have a good day. [gets up and leaves]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are sitting around the coffee table.]
PHOEBE: Ok, question number 28, have you ever allowed a lighning bearer to take your wind? I would have to say no.
MONICA: And I would have to say pah-huh.
PHOEBE: What?
MONICA: Do you not remember the puppet guy?
RACHEL: Yeah you like totally let him wash his feet in the pool of your inner power.
MONICA: And his puppet too.
PHOEBE: Yeah ok, well at least I didn't let some guy into the forest of my righteous truth on the first date.
MONICA: Who?
PHOEBE: Paul.
MONICA: Oh.
RACHEL: Ok, ok, ok, moving on, moving on, next question. Ok number 29, have you ever betrayed another goddess for a lightning bearer? Ok, number 30.
MONICA: Woah, woah, woah, let's go back to 29.
RACHEL: Not uh, not to my recollection.
MONICA: Huuh, alright, Danny Arshak, ninth grade. Oh, c'mon Rach, you know the bottle was totally pointing at me.
RACHEL: Only 'cause you took up half the circle.
PHOEBE: Listen to you two. It's so sad. Looks like I'm gonna be going to the goddess meetings alone.
RACHEL: Well not when they find out you slept with Jason Hurley an hour after he broke up with Monica.
MONICA: One hour? You are such a leaf blower.
[Monica goes into her room and slams the door. Rachel does the same. Phoebe, without a door to slam, opens a small chest and slams the lid.]
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is watching movers take all his stuff away.]
JOEY: Oh hey uh, be careful with that 3-D last supper, Judas is a little loose.
ROSS: [enters] Oh my God, what's goin' on?
JOEY: They're takin all my stuff back. I guess you were right.
ROSS: No look I wasn''t right, that's what I came here to tell you. I was totally hung up on, on my own stuff. Listen, I'm someone who needs the whole security thing, ya know. To know exactly where my next paycheck is coming from buy you, you don't need that and that's amazing to me. I could never do what you do Joey.
JOEY: Thanks Ross.
ROSS: Yeah. And you should hold out for something bigger. I can't tell you how much respect I have for you not going to that stupid cab driver audition.
JOEY: I went.
ROSS: Great, how did it go?
JOEY: I didn't get it.
ROSS: Good for you.
JOEY: What?
ROSS: You're livin' the dream.
JOEY: Huh?
ROSS: All right then.
JOEY: [movers removing a glass parrot] Oh, not my parrot.
ROSS: What?
JOEY: I can't watch this.
ROSS: [approaching the mover holding the parrot] Hey hold on, hold on. How much for the uh, how much to save the bird?
MOVER: 1200.
ROSS: Dollars? You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird?
JOEY: Uhhh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.
ROSS: Go ahead, go ahead with the bird. Ok, do you have anything for around 200?
MOVER: Uh, the dog. [points to a big poecelain greyhound]
ROSS: Huh.
MOVER: Yeah.
ROSS: I'll take it. My gift to you man.
JOEY: Thanks Ross. I really like that bird though...I'll take the dog though.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Phoebe are sitting ignoring each other. Rachel walks up with two pieces of cake.]
RACHEL: Here are your cakes.
MONICA: We didn't order cake.
RACHEL: No, I know, they're from me. Look you guys this is not good. I mean we have enough trouble with guys stealing our wind without taking it from each other.
MONICA: You're right.
RACHEL: You know.
PHOEBE: I love you goddesses. I don't ever want to suck your wind again.
RACHEL: Thank you. So are we good?
MONICA: We're good.
RACHEL: We're good?
PHOEBE: Yeah.
RACHEL: Ok, let me take these cakes back 'cause they're gonna take that out of my paycheck.
CHANDLER: [enters] Ding dong, the psycho's gone.
MONICA: Are you sure this time?
CHANDLER: Yes, yes I actually saw him leave. I mean that guy is standing in the window holding a human head. He is STANDING IN THE WINDOW HOLDING A HUMAN HEAD!
EDDIE: [enters] Check it out man, I tore it off some mannaquin in the alley behind Macy's.
MONICA: There is no alley behind Macy's.
EDDIE: So I got it in the junior miss department, big diff. Anyway check it out man, it's gonna make a hell of a conversation piece at out next cocktail party, huh pal?
CHANDLER: Our next cocktail party?
EDDIE: Yeah, you know, put chips in it, we'll make like a chip chick.
CHANDLER: Eddie, do you remember yesterday?
EDDIE: Uh yes, I think I vaguely recall it.
CHANDLER: Do you remember talking to me yesterday?
EDDIE: Uh, yes.
CHANDLER: So what happened?
EDDIE: We took a road trip to Las Vegas man.
CHANDLER: Oh sweet Moses.
MONICA: So on this road trip, did you guys win any money?
EDDIE: Naah, I crapped out, but Mr. 21 over here he cleans up, 300 bucks, check it out he buys me these new shoes, sweet huh?
MONICA: Nice.
EDDIE: Yeah. Well see ya upstairs. See ya pals.
PHOEBE: Is anyone else starting to really like him?
[Scene: Hallway outside Chandler and Joey's apartment. Eddie walks up.]
[Eddie tries his key and it won't work. He knocks and Chandler answers the door. He's got the door chained.]
CHANDLER: May I help you?
EDDIE: Why doesn't my key work and what's all my stuff doin' downstairs?
CHANDLER: Well, I'm, I'm sorry...[Eddie forces his head in the door] Ahhh. Have we met?
EDDIE: It's Eddie you freak, your roommate.
CHANDLER: I, I'm sorry, I uh [unchains the door and opens it all the way] I already have a roommate. [Joey turns around in the leather recliner]
JOEY: Hello.
CHANDLER: Yeah, he's lived here for years, I don't, I don't know what you're talking about man.
EDDIE: No he, he moved out and I moved in.
CHANDLER: Well I, I think we'd remember something like that.
JOEY: I know I would.
EDDIE: Well that's uh, that's a good point. Um ok, well, uh, I guess I got the wrong apartment then. I, I'm, look, I'm, ya know, I'm sorry, I'm terriably sorry.
JOEY: Hey no problem.
CHANDLER: See ya. [shuts the door] Goodbuy you fruit drying psychopath. So you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
JOEY: Na, na I'm ok. Oh and uh, just so you know, I'm not movin' back in 'cause I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
CHANDLER: Welcome home man. [they hug and jump around]
JOEY: A little foos?
CHANDLER: Absolutely.
JOEY: What happened to the foosball?
CHANDLER: Ah that's a cantelope.
CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. They are hauling out the porcelain dog from Joey's room. Chandler is holding the dog by the rear in a rather interesting position.]
CHANDLER: Hey look, are we gonna have to bring this out every time Ross comes over?
JOEY: He paid a lot of money for it.
CHANDLER: I'm gonna hold him a different way. Look I don't understand, if you hated it so much, why did you buy it in the first place?
JOEY: Well, I had a whole ceramic zoo thing goin' over there but now, without the other ones, it just looks tacky.
CHANDLER: So is he housetrained or is he gonna leave little bathroom tiles all over the place? Stay. Good, STAY! Good fake dog. | Plan: A: the conversation; Q: What does Eddie not remember? A: a trip; Q: What does Eddie imagine he and Chandler took to Las Vegas that never happened? A: Joey; Q: Who moves back in with Chandler after tricking Eddie into thinking he never lived there? A: his lifestyle; Q: What does losing his job on Days of Our Lives change for Joey? A: female empowerment; Q: What book inspires the girls to have a "goddess meeting"? A: buried truths; Q: What does the goddess meeting unleash? Summary: Creeped out by his bizarre new roommate, Eddie, Chandler demands he move out. Eddie agrees, then does not even remember the conversation. Obviously deranged, he imagines that he and Chandler took a trip to Las Vegas that never occurred. Joey struggles dealing with losing his job on Days of Our Lives and the accompanying change in his lifestyle. A new book on female empowerment inspires the girls to have a "goddess meeting", unleashing buried truths. Joey moves back in with Chandler after them tricking Eddie by convincing him he never lived there. |
The Krotons By Robert Holmes
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1, INT: LEARNING HALL
(The Learning Hall is a curious blend of two distinct styles. It is a large, dry subterranean chamber constructed out of primitive stone blocks and pillars, yet it contains numerous bright futuristic machines placed all around. At the front of the room is a ramp leading to a silvery door set into a hexagonal indentation in the wall, the edges of which glitter as though they had been inlaid with diamonds. A small circular results-hatch opens in the wall. The Gond leader Selris stands nearby, dressed in a dark plastic tunic decorated with metal squares as if it were part of a type of armour - it possibly being an honorary badge of office. He withdraws a silvery notation-tablet from within the hatch and reads it to a hall packed with his people.)
SELRIS: Class three-one-nine-six in the first grade. The names of the first selected candidates are: Male... Abu-Gond!
(A ripple of congratulation goes up from the crowd.)
SELRIS: The second name is female... Vana-Gond!
(As a similar ripple of congratulation goes up from the crowd a man from the back rushes forward shouting, a single dissenting voice in the entire chamber.)
THARA: No!
(Selris frowns disapprovingly, but ignores the interruption.)
SELRIS: Abu-Gond and Vana-Gond; alone of your generation you have been chosen for the highest honour that can befall a Gond. You are now the companions of the Krotons!
(Thara has found his way to Vana and can be faintly heard arguing with her in heated tones from some way away, but still Selris continues with the ceremony.)
SELRIS: Our warmest, our most sincere congratulations to you both. You will now...you will now step forward for the investiture of your robes of honour. Eelek?
(A young, stern-looking Gond takes a silver cloak with large shoulderpads and places it around the shoulders of Abu. Next, he sets to hanging a metal necklace around his neck. Vana and Thara are still having their argument which has become impossible to ignore now as they have begun to struggle with each other.)
VANA: Please Thara!
THARA: You can't go, I won't let you go!
VANA: I must!
THARA: Look Vana, we can run away - there's still time!
VANA: You know that's not possible, we must always obey.
THARA: Why?!
SELRIS: Because my son, it is the law of the Krotons!
(With a hum of power the door at the far end of the chamber rises. The silver-cloaked Abu, looking like a funky 70s rockstar before a prize gig, stops for a moment to look back before walking through the glittering opening. The door slides closed behind him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2, EXT: WASTELANDS
(The scene is one of a desolate, arid landscape; all around mountainous sandy dunes of a bright sulphurous yellow littered with rocks stretch as far as the eye can see. From high above in the murky double-sunned sky something descends, a long drawn out sigh falling through the air like a strand of aural toffee. The sound gradually resolves itself into a regular trumpeting of tortured engines as a battered blue box appears at the foot of a rugged cliff. All around the wind howls noisily as a light on the box continues to blink on and off. The door opens and a small figure in a black frock coat and checked trousers pokes his head out carrying a dark umbrella. He stretches his arms as if he were just waking up, then moves over to join his companions, a youth in a kilt and a young girl in a short PVC outfit.)
DOCTOR: Lovely, lovely, lovely.
JAMIE: Pwoar, bad eggs. Let's try somewhere else...
(He turns to make his way back to the TARDIS.)
ZOE: No wait a minute... Where are we?
JAMIE: Och, you don't expect him to know do you?
DOCTOR: Well let's explore shall we?
JAMIE: An umbrella?
DOCTOR: Yes, twin suns. It's bound to be hot.
(They look up for a moment and see two blazing orbs.)
JAMIE: Oh.
ZOE: I don't think I like it here, looks dead.
JAMIE: Aye, it smells dead.
ZOE: Sulphur isn't it? It could be poisonous.
DOCTOR: No-no-no-no, the instruments in the TARDIS would have told us. No it's a...
(He sniffs.)
DOCTOR: It's a mixture of ozone and sulphur - very bracing!
(He wanders off and Jamie gives Zoe a resigned shrug Before setting off with her up the bleak rocky path.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3, EXT: CLIFFSIDE
(The Doctor hums to himself merrily as he leads the way up a treacherously steep path leading to the top of the cliff. He pauses for a moment to pick up a flat mineral deposit.)
JAMIE: What's that?
DOCTOR: Oh yes, fascinating structures. Magnesium silicate.
JAMIE: Eh?
ZOE: He means mica.
JAMIE: Oh, er, what..?
(The Doctor reaches the top of the cliff and gazes down into the next valley chuckling to himself.)
DOCTOR: Dead is it?!
[SCENE_BREAK]
4, MODEL SHOT: GOND CITY
(In the next valley is an arrangement of large, squat rectangular buildings with triangular tops.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5, EXT: CLIFFSIDE
ZOE: A city!
DOCTOR: Yes, fascinating architecture. It's more typical of a...of a low gravity planet, yet the gravity here seems fairly normal, yes.
(He jumps on the spot a little.)
ZOE: Inca perhaps?
DOCTOR: Yes Zoe, possibly.
ZOE: Hey, Doctor!
DOCTOR: Come on, let's see what he's up to. Careful.
(The Doctor and Zoe carefully scrabble down the slope after Jamie trying not to slip on the piles of loose rocks.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6, EXT: BEHIND THE DYNOTROPE
(Jamie is standing beside part of an enormous, gleaming, metal-like structure. It's face is segmented in a honeycomb pattern of hexagonal panels. A ramp leads up to an silvery indented door in the centre of the main structure. The door seems to be exactly the same design as the one Abu walked through in the Learning Hall, except this one has two strange holes; one to the left of the door and one to the right.)
JAMIE: Doctor, down here!
(The Doctor and Zoe join him.)
ZOE: Well what is it?
JAMIE: Don't know...there's a ramp here.
ZOE: Yes and there's a door as well. Is it a wall?
DOCTOR: I hardly think so Zoe.
(Jamie wrinkles his nose.)
JAMIE: Phwoar, that smell's a lot stronger round here.
(The Doctor examines the doorway curiously.)
DOCTOR: Oh this is interesting!
ZOE: What Doctor?
JAMIE: Oh, metal isn't it?
ZOE: What, metal covered in moss and lichen?
JAMIE: Well, er...
DOCTOR: Metal? Would you say so? I...I think we'd better get away from here.
JAMIE: What?
DOCTOR: Come along.
ZOE: But why?
DOCTOR: Well this isn't a building, this is a machine. Come along...
JAMIE: Machine?
(There is a hum of power and the door slides upwards.)
JAMIE: Doctor, it's opening!
DOCTOR: Come on, quickly - Behind the rocks!
(They rush behind a large boulder as Abu appears in the doorway still wearing his silver cloak and metal necklace. But he is very different to how he went in; looks more haggard and lethargic, and doesn't seem to be aware of his own surroundings. Jamie peeks above the boulder.)
JAMIE: What's the matter with him?
(The Doctor reaches up and pulls his head down again.)
DOCTOR: Ssh!
(As Abu stands on the ramp two long, automatic nozzles push their way from the holes to the sides of the door and a thick white vapour streams from them. Abu places a hand to his head, moans in pain and as he falls to the ground he is enveloped completely. Moments later the vapour has dispersed to reveal nothing left behind but the metal necklace that the Gond was wearing. The Doctor, Jamie and Zoe move out from behind the boulder and examine the spot where Abu was disintegrated like an unwanted potato-skin.)
ZOE: Oh that poor man!
JAMIE: What happened to him Doctor?
DOCTOR: I don't know Jamie. Come on, let's...let's get away from here.
(They all scurry away from the area cautiously keeping well out of range of the deadly doorway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7, INT: LEARNING HALL
THARA: Can't you give the order she doesn't have to go, you're our leader!
SELRIS: But the Krotons have chosen Vana, it is a great honour!
THARA: Honour?! WHY do we TAKE their orders?!
(Eelek holds out another silver cloak.)
EELEK: Vana.
(She moves to accept the cloak, but Thara blocks her path.)
THARA: We don't even know if they exist!
VANA: Thara, you can't say things like that!
(Eelek glares at Thara.)
EELEK: Get out of the way.
THARA: She's not going into that machine!
EELEK: She has to go in. No-one defies the Krotons.
THARA: Alright!
(He draws a heavy iron axe (little more than a small mallet with pointed ends) out of his belt and stands between Vana and Eelek threateningly.)
EELEK: Now don't be so stupid!
SELRIS: Thara!
EELEK: Disarm him!
(A guard tries to get near, but risks getting hit with the axe, so keeps his distance. Thara twists left and right, ready to defend Vana.)
THARA: Keep back!
(At the far side of the room, and as yet undetected, the Doctor, Jamie and Zoe have reached the bottom of the staircase into the Learning Hall.)
ZOE: Oh, well I hope they're friendly.
DOCTOR: Now just leave this to me Zoe.
(The Doctor leads the way into the hall, he holds up his hands and says in a loud voice.)
DOCTOR: We are friends!
(Immediately several deadly looking pikes are levelled at them.)
DOCTOR: It's alright, now don't be afraid!
JAMIE: We have trouble.
AXUS: Who are you?
DOCTOR: Buh..buh..buh... One of your people has been, just...
AXUS: You're strangers. Where are you from?
ZOE: Well if we told you it wouldn't mean anything.
AXUS: Answer me! Where are you from?
DOCTOR: There's no time for explanations! As I say, one of your people has been...
AXUS: They're not Gonds! Their clothes, the way they're dressed!
DOCTOR: Look we are friendly!
JAMIE: Look are you gonna let us pass or what?
ZOE: Doctor! Look...
(They all look toward the front of the room where the drama is still being played out.)
EELEK: Do something about him, he's your son!
THARA: I'm warning you, one step nearer...
SELRIS: Thara, will you be reasonable? The Krotons have sent for Vana.
THARA: She'd not going, nobody comes back from there!
VANA: Let me go Thara, please!
(She whispers.)
VANA: I don't want them to hurt you.
(Thara drops his axe and Vana walks to the front of the room where Eelek is holding out a metal necklace.)
EELEK: A bit of sense, just in time.
(He places the necklace around her neck. The Doctor, Jamie and Zoe are still watching from the back of the room.)
ZOE: That doorway, it's like the other one.
JAMIE: Aye, and she's wearing a cloak just like that chap we saw killed.
ZOE: Is she being sacrificed?
DOCTOR: Oh I-I don't think so Zoe, they're-they're too civilised for that.
JAMIE: Can we not stop them?
DOCTOR: Well we can try.
(He raises his voice again.)
DOCTOR: Just a minute, wait!
AXUS: He's interrupting the ceremony! Take them!
(Jamie looks down his nose at Axus.)
JAMIE: Ah, you wouldn't be so tough without these guards around you!
AXUS: Get back!
(He gestures to the guards then turns to Jamie.)
AXUS: I accept your challenge!
JAMIE: Oh you do do you? Aye, well that's just fine with me then.
DOCTOR: Now Jamie don't be so rash!
JAMIE: Ah don't worry Doctor, I'll soon see to this laddie.
(The guard offers Jamie an axe identical to Axus's.)
GUARD: Do you want this?
JAMIE: Oh I'll not be needing that thank you.
ZOE: Oh Jamie, watch out!
(They circle each other and Axus aims the axe for Jamie's head, but he ducks a first and second swing.)
DOCTOR: Jamie!
(Axus grabs Jamie's arm to stop him moving away and tries to swing again, but Jamie grab's his axe arm. They both strain and they each try to force the other down.)
ZOE: Oh Doctor! Oh can't we stop them?
DOCTOR: No Zoe, I think they...
ZOE: Oh Jamie! Oh Jamie come on!
(Jamie finally manages to force Axus to the floor, and the axe sins out of his hand.)
ZOE: Doctor look, the girl!
(The silvery doorway rises and Vana casts a final look back in much the same way Abu did, then walks forwards, the door sliding closed after her.)
EELEK: What is happening? Who are these people?
DOCTOR: That was the very question I was going to ask you! What is happening here? Where has that girl gone?
AXUS: Eelek, they forced their way through!
SELRIS: Who are you?
DOCTOR: There is no time to explain!
JAMIE: Look, you wouldn't understand even if we told you.
ZOE: We're from another planet, another world.
DOCTOR: That girl, now where has she gone?
SELRIS: How can they be from another planet?
JAMIE: Och we're just wasting time, now where has she gone!
DOCTOR: What's behind that wall?
THARA: The Krotons! They've sent her to join the Krotons!
ZOE: Well what are the Krotons?
THARA: The Krotons live in the machine, so we're told!
(The Doctor wanders.)
SELRIS: Vana is joining the Krotons, it is a great honour.
THARA: Honour! She didn't want to go! Nobody really wants to disappear into that thing.
(The Doctor wander up the ramp and peers at the door.)
DOCTOR: How do you open this door?
EELEK: Why are you asking so many questions?
DOCTOR: Because a moment ago we saw a young man dressed in a silver robe just like that girl, we saw him killed!
SELRIS: Abu-Gond!
EELEK: That's ridiculous, how can these people have seen Abu-Gond?
SELRIS: He is with the Krotons.
JAMIE: Aye, well we saw someone killed anyway. He came out of that machine and was...
ZOE: Vaporised.
JAMIE: Aye!
(Jamie approaches Eelek from behind, and places a hand on his shoulder.)
JAMIE: Right round the other side!
AXUS: Other side?
SELRIS: You have been in the wasteland?
(Eelek pushes Jamie's hand from his shoulder and moves back and all the other Gonds do the same.)
EELEK: They're contaminated...you're contaminated! No-one goes into the wasteland.
ZOE: Why not?
EELEK: Because it's poisoned, and you will die.
DOCTOR: Well it-it it may have been poisoned once, but I can assure you it's quite safe now.
JAMIE: Doctor, that girl! If she comes out that way...
DOCTOR: Oh Jamie you're right!
JAMIE: Come on!
DOCTOR: Oh we must save her!
JAMIE: I know!
DOCTOR: Well come on!
JAMIE: That's what I'm saying!
(The Doctor and Jamie rush out.)
SELRIS: Where are you going?
ZOE: To the wasteland!
(Zoe follows.)
SELRIS: Well you can't, it's against the law of the Krotons!
THARA: I'm going with them!
(And he does.)
SELRIS: Thara come back!
THARA: If they can go into the wasteland, I can!
SELRIS: Thara! You'll die!
(Axus and Eelek exchange a curious glance.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
8, EXT: BEHIND THE DYNOTROPE
DOCTOR: I wonder how long... I imagine we haven't much time.
(He looks around.)
ZOE: Well what are you going to do?
(The Doctor picks up a piece of mica.)
DOCTOR: Now you keep away Zoe, keep right away!
THARA: Can I help?
DOCTOR: Well Mister...
THARA: Thara.
DOCTOR: Yes, well you can find a few more stones like this.
THARA: What?!
DOCTOR: Well if you want to help! Now then...
(The Doctor walks up the ramp and presses his stone onto the right nozzle-hole beside the door, then forces it in with the umbrella tip.)
DOCTOR: Ah yes, that one.
(He takes one of Thara's stones and presses it into the left nozzle hole as he did the other.)
DOCTOR: Right! Come down here...
(They duck down beside the face of the machine a little way from the ramp, but out of the range of the gas jets. There is a hum and the door begins to rise.)
ZOE: Doctor, I think I can hear something!
DOCTOR: Yes Zoe, so can I.
(A dazed looking Vana walks through the door and stands on the platform.)
THARA: Vana!
JAMIE: Keep down!
(The Doctor rushes up with his umbrella still in his hand, and struggles Vana down from the ramp. There is an electronic sound as the gas jets attempt to push their way out of the holes, but are blocked by the stones.)
ZOE: Oh Doctor quick!
JAMIE: Oh Doctor look out!
ZOE: Oh Doctor hurry!
JAMIE: Quick!
(He manages to get her down just as the nozzles belch out their deadly stream of gas. Thara cradles Vana's form, she still seems unaware of her surroundings.)
THARA: Oh my dear... What's happened, what have they done to her?
(The Doctor looks unhappily at his umbrella which is now no more than a frame with a few fluttering shreds of cloth hanging limply from skeletal metal spokes.)
DOCTOR: The vandals - look at that!
ZOE: Well that could have been you!
DOCTOR: My favourite umbrella!
THARA: She doesn't know me. She can't speak or anything.
JAMIE: Aye, it's something that the Krotons have done to her!
DOCTOR: Let me see...
(He examines Vana.)
DOCTOR: Oh dear...this is almost catatonic.
ZOE: Well isn't there anything you can do?
DOCTOR: I'm not a Doctor of medicine you know Zoe. However, if there's no damage to the tissue, uh... Is there anywhere we can take her?
THARA: My father's house is quite near on the edge of the community.
DOCTOR: Good. Well let's take her there, give me a hand. Come on Jamie.
(They move off, Zoe glances back.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9, INT: SELRIS'S HOUSE
(Selris hands Zoe an earthenware beaker resembling a small flower pot; she takes a tiny sip of Gond-juice and grimaces at the unpleasant taste. On the other hand, once again proving that there is no accounting for taste, Jamie on the knocks his own back with apparent relish.)
SELRIS: It's almost impossible to believe. The Krotons have always been our good friends; our benefactors.
ZOE: Well you've only got to see what they've done to Vana.
JAMIE: Aye...
SELRIS: Yes, poor child.
(Thara passes by moodily.)
JAMIE: How is she?
THARA: Just the same!
(He storms out of the house unnoticed.
THARA: Jamie wanders over to the Doctor who has removed his frock coat and is swinging a ticking fob watch over Vana.)
DOCTOR: You're resting, you're calmly resting. Your mind is quite empty, you're resting. Now you're going to sleep Vana, sleep... Feeling sleepy, very sleepy...sleep...
(Jamie returns to Selris and Zoe.)
SELRIS: ...You see, every so often the two best of our students have entered the machine to join the Krotons. They can't all have been murdered!
ZOE: Well it's possible. If they had you wouldn't know because this spray stuff just...
JAMIE: Dissolves everything. In any case, none of your people ever go into the wasteland.
SELRIS: But why should they do it? Why should they kill the best two of our students?
(Jamie sighs.)
JAMIE: What are they like these Krotons?
SELRIS: No living person has ever seen them. They never come out of the machine.
ZOE: Never?
SELRIS: Not since the beginning; not for thousands of years.
ZOE: How is she?
DOCTOR: She's asleep at last.
JAMIE: Is she going to be alright, though?
DOCTOR: Well I hope so Jamie, it's difficult to tell.
(Selris hands the Doctor a beaker of Gond-juice.)
DOCTOR: Oh thank you.
SELRIS: And she was one of the finest students we've ever produced.
DOCTOR: Oh really? Competition for you Zoe.
ZOE: Selris was just saying that no-one's ever seen these Krotons.
JAMIE: Aye, they never leave that machine.
DOCTOR: How did all this begin Selris?
SELRIS: According to our legends, silver men came out of the sky and built a house among us. The Gonds attacked them but the silver men caused a poisonous rain to fall killing hundreds of our people and turning the earth black.
JAMIE: The wasteland!
SELRIS: Yes. Because it was said that ever afterward anyone who set foot there would die in terrible pain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
10, INT: LEARNING HALL
(The Learning Hall is in darkness when the Custodian, a small pudgy man with thinning hair and a bushy moustache, does his evening rounds. He shines a small torch around and flips a few buttons on the machines turning them to standby so that they will be fully charged in the morning. In a cloister behind the row of machines a figure dashes past, keeping to the shadows. Before the Custodian has time to react Thara, and three other students jump out from behind and grab him, axes held high.)
CUSTODIAN: Who are you? What do you want? Leave me alone!
THARA: The Krotons; you must know a lot about them...
CUSTODIAN: What do you mean?
STUDENT: You're their servant aren't you? You work for them.
CUSTODIAN: I am only the Custodian of the Learning Hall.
THARA: Course! So you can tell us what we want to know.
CUSTODIAN: I am forbidden to discuss the secrets.
STUDENT: We only want to know how to get at them!
THARA: We want to see the Krotons for ourselves.
CUSTODIAN: Nobody has seen the Krotons, not for thousands of years!
THARA: You're sure they don't come out of the machine in the darkness when there's no-one here?
CUSTODIAN: No. Come out? Never!
THARA: Then how do they give their orders? Answer me!
CUSTODIAN: There are messages. You must know that!
THARA: What else?
CUSTODIAN: Sometimes... There is a voice...
THARA: But you've never seen them? There's no way you can get inside there?
CUSTODIAN: Only the companions of the Krotons may enter.
THARA: And now we know what happens to them. But you can summon the Krotons can't you?
CUSTODIAN: It is not for me to summon them, I obey their commands.
(Thara straightens up.)
THARA: If we can't get in there then we must fetch them out. Their precious teaching machines... Smash them!
(The Custodian looks in panic.)
CUSTODIAN: Smash the machines? Guards! Guannfff...
(Thara sees the enthusiastic student about to bring his axe down on the head of the Custodian and stops him.)
THARA: Ribo, do not hurt him! Tie his hands and gag him.
(He addresses the Custodian.)
STUDENT: Well keep then! We've quarrel is not with you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
11, INT: SELRIS'S HOUSE
JAMIE: But what happened after this war with the Krotons?
SELRIS: Ever since we have lived in peace with them. The Krotons never show themselves to us, but we learn from them through the teaching machines.
DOCTOR: Teaching machines?
SELRIS: Yes, in the Hall of Learning, where you were today. The machines fill the mind with knowledge.
DOCTOR: And everyone uses these machines?
SELRIS: Well, when they are young; that is the law.
DOCTOR: Whose law Selris?
SELRIS: Our law - the Gonds'.
DOCTOR: But I thought that you said all your laws were given you by the Krotons?
SELRIS: Yes, all our science, all our culture... Everything we have has come from the machine.
DOCTOR: I see, a sort of self-perpetuating slavery. And the Krotons always choose your two most promising students?
SELRIS: To be their companions, yes. Do you think they've all been killed?
JAMIE: Aye well we saw one of them killed anyway.
ZOE: Well why are they doing it Doctor, what's the point?
DOCTOR: Well it's time it was stopped anyway, it's high time it was stopped!
(Selris seems lost in sombre thought.)
SELRIS: What shall I tell my people? How can I explain?
JAMIE: Explain what? Just tell the truth!
SELRIS: What, that they've been tricked? That for thousands of year the best of our students have been dying, murdered by the Krotons?!
ZOE: Well what are you afraid of?
DOCTOR: Another war between your people and the Krotons you mean.
SELRIS: Yes... There could be terrible bloodshed - another wasteland here in our community.
(A figure with a scholarly air and a silver notation-tablet enters.)
BETA: Selris...
SELRIS: Ah Beta, come and meet our guests. Th..my friends, this is Beta our controller of Science and my son's good friend...
BETA: That's what I'm here for - do you know what Thara's planning?
SELRIS: Planning.
BETA: He and some students from school have gone down to the Learning Hall. They're going to wreck the machines!
SELRIS: No!
BETA: You've got to stop them Selris. I came as quickly as I could, but they'll be there by now.
SELRIS: Then it's too late!
DOCTOR: Not if we cut through the wasteland.
JAMIE: Aye, it's the shortest route.
SELRIS: Wasteland?
BETA: But the poison!
DOCTOR: Oh that wore off a long time ago, it's quite safe now.
JAMIE: Oh well look, we've been in it twice today and we're alright!
SELRIS: Very well!
(They all rush out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12, INT: LEARNING HALL
(The students start smashing the machines to smithereens with their iron axes.)
THARA: Come on!
(The Custodian looks on in horror, but being bound and gagged on the floor he can do little more than writhe and watch.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13, INT: CONTROL CENTRE
(Within the machine is a bright, futuristic control centre fitted with gleaming control panels, and monitor screens. Computer spools spin as the automatic machinery constantly regulates and re-regulates the millennia-old systems, maintaining and repairing them. An alarm chimes through the room as an error is detected in the teaching machines. An X appears on a nearby monitor screen as the systems await instructions from the auto-controller so that they take the appropriate course of action to fix the problem. The auto-controller slides into view on a track in the base of the console - it is no more than a boxy affair containing a small computer brain and a flat camera eye, mounted on a flexible metal arm. As the watchful camera-eye is seen from another angle it is apparent that the X has imprinted itself on the front of the lens as a cold machine-brain impassively considers the data. In moments it reaches to a decision...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14, INT: LEARNING HALL
(Thara and his friends are still smashing the machines to pieces with their axes.)
THARA: There! That should fetch them out!
STUDENT: Come on, let's wreck another!
THARA: Smash..!
(But the words are silenced by a booming, but utterly unemotional computerised voice.)
AUTO-CONTROLLER: STOP! THIS IS A WARNING - LEAVE THE HALL. ALL GONDS LEAVE THE HALL NOW.
STUDENT: It's the Krotons!
AUTO-CONTROLLER: LEAVE THE HALL. ALL GONDS LEAVE THE HALL NOW.
(Thara thinks for a moment, then unconvinced he returns to the task in hand.)
THARA: That's just a voice, listen! Come out you Krotons and fight!
AUTO-CONTROLLER: THIS IS A WARNING.
THARA: Come ouut!
STUDENT: Murderers!
(The Doctor Rushes in, followed by Selris and the others.)
DOCTOR: No, no, stop it!
SELRIS: Leave it alone! What are you doing?!
(Selris pulls Thara away from the machine and the Doctor quickly relieves him of his axe.)
DOCTOR: Stop it, stop it all of you! Listen to me, this will do no good at all! These Krotons must have enormous Scientific powers, you can't defeat them with axes!
[SCENE_BREAK]
15, INT: CONTROL CENTRE
(The auto-controller examines the scene in the Learning Hall. It sees a short man in a black coat gesticulating wildly at the saboteurs with an axe and then pointing towards the learning machines. Isolating the image of the Doctor in the crowd, it moves along on its track to another monitor. On the new monitor a picsellated image of the Doctor appears as the machine maps the pattern of his features...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16, INT: LEARNING HALL
DOCTOR: Now if this was an atomic-laser, it might be more use!
(Thara looks confused.)
THARA: An atomic-laser? Is that better than an axe?
SELRIS: Look at the damage you've done - completely senseless!
THARA: Look what they did to our friends Father!
SELRIS: Destroying the machines won't avenge Abu...or help Vana, will it?
STUDENT: But we can't get in there! If we attack their machines...
THARA: The Krotons will come out!
DOCTOR: I think something's coming out now!
(The results hatch that Selris used at the beginning of the episode opens and a small, orblike probe peeks out into the room emitting a telemetric bleeping sound. A glowing camera eye into the front of the probe surveys the room.)
ZOE: Doctor, what is it?
(The Doctor nervously watches the probe, as yet unsure what kind of a threat it might be presenting to them.)
DOCTOR: I don't know Zoe, but keep well clear of it!
(Having looked around, the probe decides to venture out into the room. It is attached to a thick cable and reaches out through the air like an immensely long hovering snake, a computerised feeler which is being extended through the hole in the wall. It is still for a moment, then it speeds towards them.)
JAMIE: Look out!
(It halts again.)
THARA: What's it doing?
ZOE: It seems to be looking at us.
JAMIE: Well how can it, it's not alive...is it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
17, INT: CONTROL CENTRE
(As the auto-controller is viewing the picsellated image of the Doctor, it rotates 180º on it's base it to reveal that the image has superimposed itself on the lens of the camera. It sends the attack computer the recognition the pattern of it's prime target...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18, INT: LEARNING HALL
(The snake-like electronic probe bleeps a little as it receives its instructions from the auto-controller. Steadily it begins to lurch towards the Doctor.)
ZOE: Doctor it's after you!
(The Doctor tries to scurry backwards out of the way of the probe, but only succeeds in slipping over on a piece of broken teaching machine.)
DOCTOR: Ah, oh, oh...ah-ah oh ooh oh er ah oh..!
(His fate seems sealed as the deadly probe steadily closes in on the defenceless form of the Doctor, he puts his hands up to shield his face from the harsh glare of the camera eye...) | Plan: A: The TARDIS; Q: What lands on the planet of the Gonds? A: a primitive and enslaved people; Q: What are the Gonds? A: Every year; Q: How often are two of the finest Gond students sent to be 'companions' of the mysterious and unseen Krotons? A: the Doctor; Q: Who reveals that only death awaits the two Gond students? Summary: The TARDIS lands on the planet of the Gonds, a primitive and enslaved people. Every year, two of the finest Gond students are sent to be 'companions' of the mysterious and unseen Krotons. But the Doctor reveals that only death awaits them. |
LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Rory wakes up on the bathroom floor. Downstairs, Paris sit at the table with her head in her hands, and Kirk limps in and joins her, sighing.]
PARIS: Founder's Day punch?
KIRK: Abba Zabbas.
[Lorelai comes in the side door, extremely perky. She is carrying several paper bags.]
LORELAI: Good morning Vietnam! How's everyone feeling today?
[Kirk and Paris groan.]
LORELAI: Terrific! Okay, I got tacos, hard tacos, I got soft tacos, I got fries, curly, straight, and spicy -
PARIS: Are you serious?
LORELAI: Trust me. It's the best hangover food on the east coast.
KIRK: You get a Mars bar? You know, hare to the dog?
LORELAI: Ah, there's pop tarts in the cabinet, Kirk. Coffee'll be up in a minute, grab some water and start hydrating!
[Rory wanders in.]
PARIS: The smell of these tacos is making me nauseous.
LORELAI: No, no, no. That's the quart of Patty's non-FDA-approved Founder's Day punch you drank last night. Eat a taco.
RORY: Oh, thank God, hangover food.
LORELAI: That's my little college girl.
RORY: Tito's was open this early?
LORELAI: Well, it was for me.
RORY: The power you have over fast food owners is astonishing.
PARIS [mouth full of taco]: Oh, God. I think I'm going to throw up. [Pause] No. I'm good.
RORY: By the way, thanks for leaving me on the bathroom floor all night.
LORELAI: Uh, hey, I tried to get you up. You actually used your foot to stop me.
RORY: I did?
LORELAI: Yes. It was very House of Flying Daggers, but with vomiting.
RORY: Sorry. I don't remember that. The foot part. The vomiting part, however -
PARIS: Stop saying the word 'vomiting'. Unless you want a Mr. Creosote situation on your hands here.
[Rory makes a disgusted face and walks into the living room. Lorelai follows her with a bag of tacos.]
KIRK: Oh, man. I think I got a cavity. I got to stop partying like this.
LIVING ROOM
[Rory stands in the middle of the room, looking around, confused.]
LORELAI: What are you looking for?
RORY: My book bag.
LORELAI: I believe it's in your room.
RORY: Room?
LORELAI: That way.
RORY: Right.
LORELAI: Hey. [She directs Rory to the couch.] I got you a beef burrito. I thought it might be too hardcore for the amateurs in the kitchen, but I figured you'd appreciate it.
RORY: Thanks. [They sit.]
LORELAI: So, how are you feeling?
RORY: I've been better.
LORELAI: Yeah. You take aspirin?
RORY: Aspirin?
LORELAI: White pill, big 'A' on it.
RORY: Right, yep.
LORELAI: Oh, here, before I forget. Um, this fell out of your pocket last night while you were pulling an Exorcist.
RORY [takes the cell phone]: Mm. Paris gave it to me to hold so she wouldn't call Doyle.
LORELAI: She was the talk of the town this morning. Attacked the pretzel cart, police backup had to be called for the first time ever.
RORY: She was quite a mess.
LORELAI: Huh. So apparently it was a theme.
RORY: I am sorry. It won't happen again, believe me.
LORELAI: You, of all people, should know the dangers of the Founder's Day punch. Did you learn nothing from Mommy's Coyote Ugly bar dance at last year's Salute to the Quakers festival?
RORY: Oh, now, you can't blame that all on the punch.
LORELAI: Well, don't get me wrong, I'm always up for a little mother-daughter bonding, but seriously. When did facials go out of style?
RORY: I'm sorry.
LORELAI: I just don't like seeing you like that.
RORY: That makes two of us.
LORELAI: So, what was all that stuff you were babbling on about last night?
RORY: What stuff?
LORELAI: About Logan. Things aren't going so well with the two of you, huh?
RORY: I'm going to get some coffee.
LORELAI: Rory.
RORY: I know. Kitchen, that way.
[She gets up and leaves Lorelai on the couch. Lorelai looks hurt.]
OPENING CREDITS
YALE DORMS - LOGAN'S COMMON ROOM
[Logan is sitting, reading the paper. There is a knock on his door. He gets up. It's Rory.]
LOGAN: Well, this is a surprise.
RORY: Can I come in?
LOGAN: Sure. You want to sit down?
RORY: Nope. Got to stay vertical.
[Logan stares at her.]
RORY: What?
LOGAN: You have, like, an octagon imprinted on your face.
RORY: I can't do this anymore Logan.
LOGAN: Do what?
RORY: This casual dating thing. I don't like it. It's not who I am and I don't want to make it who I am.
LOGAN: Whoa, hold on here. Where's this coming from?
RORY: It's coming from me. The ravishing creature standing in front of you.
LOGAN: We talked about this.
RORY: I know.
LOGAN: I didn't make you do this.
RORY: I know. I'm not accusing you of anything. This isn't your fault.
LOGAN: I don't understand. I thought everything was going so well.
RORY: What are you talking about? I haven't heard from you in a week.
LOGAN: I was busy. I had some friends in town, and -
RORY: You know what? It doesn't matter. You're not my boyfriend, you don't owe me any explanations. I just don't want to be one of the many anymore.
LOGAN: Oh, Rory, come on!
[Logan's roommate comes out.]
LANNY: Hey, Logan, Cassandra's on the phone.
LOGAN: Take a message.
LANNY: She's got a great accent. Where's she from?
LOGAN: Lanny! Message!
LANNY: Fine. Relax, man. Geez.
[He goes back into his room.]
RORY: Go call Cassandra back. We're done here.
LOGAN: How are we done here?
RORY: I said everything I have to say.
LOGAN: Which is what?
RORY: I'm a girlfriend girl, Logan. I have boyfriends, not escorts.
LOGAN: Ah. [He starts pacing.]
RORY: I thought I could be different, but I can't. I'm sorry. Maybe we can just go back to being friends again.
LOGAN [mad]: Or maybe we can become boyfriend and girlfriend, right?
RORY: What?
LOGAN: I get it. I get what you're doing.
RORY: I'm not doing anything.
LOGAN: Hey, if that's what you want then just come out and say it. But you coming in here and issuing an ultimatum -
RORY: I am not issuing an ultimatum!
LOGAN: That's not what I heard.
RORY: I said let's be friends!
LOGAN: That's not what you meant!
RORY [moans]: I need a taco!
LOGAN [crosses over to her]: All right, fine. I'll do it.
RORY: Do what?
LOGAN: I'll be your boyfriend.
RORY: You can't be my boyfriend.
LOGAN: Why not?
RORY: Because you told me that you can't be my boyfriend.
LOGAN: If I say I can, then I can.
RORY: You have a hundred girls on speed dial. You keep a second bathrobe in your closet for overnight guests.
LOGAN: That's all beside the point. You came in here to say you were unhappy with the situation, right?
RORY: Right.
LOGAN: Fine. I've rectified the situation. Problem solved.
RORY: No. Problem not solved.
LOGAN: Hey. If I say I can do this, I can do this!
[There is a knock at the door. Logan opens it.]
GIRL: Hey Logan. Thought maybe I could get you to buy me some lunch.
LOGAN: Oh, geez -
RORY: I'm sorry. Could you excuse us for just a second? We're almost done here.
GIRL: Sure. I'll just wait out here.
[Logan closes the door.]
RORY: So the Swedish flight attendants should be here any minute.
LOGAN: I swear this situation has never happened to me before in my life.
RORY: Logan -
LOGAN: Rory. Do you really want to stop seeing me?
RORY: No, but I can't -
LOGAN: 'Cause I don't want to stop seeing you.
RORY: Okay, but -
LOGAN: So then just accept what I'm saying. I like trying new things. It's new, it's different, but I can do it.
RORY: Are you sure?
[Logan grabs her and kisses her.]
RORY: Well, I know you can do that, but -
[He kisses her again.]
RORY: I really want to believe you.
LOGAN: Then believe me. We're starting fresh right now, new beginning. So you want to go grab some lunch? We'll hammer out the details.
RORY: I should probably change first.
LOGAN: Go home, change. I'll pick you up in half an hour.
RORY [smiles]: Okay.
[They kiss and laugh.]
LOGAN: See how good this is going so far? I think I'm going to be an excellent boyfriend.
RORY: I agree. Now do you want to go tell her, or should I?
LOGAN: Oh, crap. I'll be right back.
[He goes outside. Rory smiles.]
YALE DORMS - RORY AND PARIS' ROOM
[Paris enters, carrying her bags from the weekend. She goes into her room and turns on the light. Doyle is asleep in her bed.]
PARIS: Doyle?
DOYLE: Hey.
PARIS: What are you doing here?
DOYLE: I'm dying.
PARIS: What do you mean, you're dying?
DOYLE: I got sick. And then my very concerned roommates kicked me out because they have exams.
PARIS: Oh my God.
DOYLE: I didn't know where to go, so I came here. I called you first.
PARIS: I was gone this weekend.
DOYLE: So I just came by. I thought I'd wait till you got back, then I fell asleep.
PARIS: You've been here all weekend?
DOYLE: Uh huh.
PARIS: I thought you were avoiding me.
[Doyle coughs pathetically.]
PARIS: I'm sorry you're sick.
DOYLE: It feels like bees are buzzing in my head. Feel it.
PARIS: What?
DOYLE: Feel my head.
PARIS: Why?
DOYLE: I just want you to know how hot I am.
PARIS [backing away]: Well, when you're hot, you're hot and when you're not, you're not. That's how the song goes. Just follow the song.
DOYLE: What?
PARIS: I just don't see what putting my hand on your head is going to get you.
DOYLE: It's just -
PARIS: I'm not a shaman, Doyle. I don't have healing powers.
DOYLE: Where are you going?
PARIS: I'll be right back.
[She closes the door.]
DRAGONFLY INN
[Michel is at the front desk.]
MICHEL: Hold on a second. [Lorelai approaches.] It's for you. It's Sookie. She's done with her doctor's appointment.
LORELAI: Oh, she say how she is?
MICHEL: Mm, to someone who may have asked her, I'm sure she would have.
LORELAI: Mm-hm. [She takes the phone.] Hey, Sookie.
[Scene cuts from the inn to Sookie's house.]
SOOKIE: The b*st*rd put me on bed rest.
LORELAI: What?
SOOKIE: Dr. Menck. He told me to lie down immediately and not to get up again until little Cherry or Norric comes out.
LORELAI: Oh. Well, we'll get to the names in a second. So, are you serious about the bed rest? Where are you?
SOOKIE: I'm at home, on the couch!
LORELAI: Are you okay?
SOOKIE: No, I'm not okay! I have a dinner to get out.
LORELAI: Well, honey, I think we're going to have to do that without you.
SOOKIE: But how?
LORELAI: Well, we have a kitchen staff, and you just tell me what still needs to be done, and we will handle it.
SOOKIE: Okay. Get a pencil.
LORELAI: Okay. Pencil in hand.
SOOKIE: You need to grate six carrots and four parsnips, and then take some flour and butter, melt the butter, make a roux.
LORELAI: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: Uh, baby, you lost me at carrots. Which, uh, by the way, was the first draft of 'you had me at hello'.
SOOKIE: You had me at what? What are you talking about?
LORELAI: Oh, sorry. I see we've entered the no humor zone. Look, just relax. I'm going to take care of everything.
SOOKIE: But the ducks.
LORELAI: The ducks will be fine. They're lying in a pan with their heads chopped off, so the worst part is behind them. Now, don't worry. Go rest, and I'll check in with you later.
SOOKIE: But -
LORELAI: Happy hibernating!
[She hangs up.]
MICHEL: No Sookie?
LORELAI: No Sookie. Come on.
[Michel follows her into the kitchen.]
LORELAI: Okay, now tell me who does what, and what we need to keep things running.
MICHEL: Well, we need Sookie here.
LORELAI: Okay. Well, she's not going to be here, so let's go to plan B.
MICHEL: Okay, plan B. That involves Sookie's clone, also named Sookie.
LORELAI: Well, um, who here makes the sauces?
MICHEL: Sookie.
LORELAI: Who here, Michel?
MICHEL: Sookie trusts no one else with the sauces. She makes the sauces.
LORELAI: Well, what does Mark make?
MICHEL: Salads.
LORELAI: Okay, and Donny does desserts. What do our other guys do?
MICHEL: Well, that man over there does the cleaning. That man over there dresses the plates, that man uses tongs, and I have no idea what that man in the corner does. But I would check his trunk before he leaves.
LORELAI: Without Sookie here, we have salads and desserts?
MICHEL: Pretty much.
LORELAI: We can't run a restaurant serving just salads and desserts!
MICHEL: I would not go to eat, no.
LORELAI: Wait, okay. Here we have duck. Um, who here does the duck?
MICHEL: Nobody touches the ducks.
LORELAI: Well, starting now, someone has to touch the ducks!
MICHEL: I do not know what to tell you, except that it will not be me.
LORELAI [sighs]: This is bad, Michel.
MICHEL: I'm getting that, yes.
LORELAI: Well, we'll just figure something out, right?
MICHEL: Absolutely. Ain't no mountain high enough.
LORELAI: We'll just, um, formulate a plan, nail down a strategy. You have any ideas?
MICHEL: We could order some pizza, or Chinese food, or perhaps one of those hoagies that you cut into a million pieces -
LORELAI: No more suggestions necessary, Michel.
MICHEL: Well, I'm here if you need me.
[He walks out.]
LUKE'S DINER
[The phone rings. Luke answers it.]
LUKE: Luke's!
[Scene cuts between the Dragonfly kitchen and Luke's.]
LORELAI: How pretty do you think I am?
LUKE: Are we using a specific day? Have you had a good night's sleep?
LORELAI: Sookie's doctor put her on immediate bed rest, and I thought it would be fine, but no one will touch the ducks, and Michel wants to order a hoagie, and I am starting to hyperventilate and I'm not wearing a stretchy fabric, and -
LUKE: I'll be right there.
[He hangs up.]
YALE CAMPUS
[Rory and Logan walk together.]
LOGAN: How's that headache of yours?
RORY: Subsiding a little. The mashed potato, mac and cheese, biscuit, gravy plate combo really helped a lot.
LOGAN: I have to say, half the fun in being with you is the horrified looks on the waiters' faces.
RORY: Please. I'm an amateur compared to my mother.
LOGAN: So what do you think? You up for a movie?
RORY: Oh, yeah. Something really bad.
LOGAN: Absolutely. Let's check the paper and see if Rob Schneider's still employable.
[They laugh.]
LOGAN'S DORM
[Logan enters, followed by Rory.]
LOGAN: I think I have a paper over -
HONOR: Well! Look how long you make a girl wait for you!
LOGAN: Honor!
[The blond girl is sitting on the couch. Logan is very excited to see her.]
HONOR: Do you really think you're worth it?
LOGAN: What are you doing here?
HONOR: Apparently begging for some affection!
[She gets up and they hug. Rory does not look impressed.]
HONOR: It is so good to see you.
LOGAN: You too!
RORY: Listen, Logan. Maybe I should go.
LOGAN: What? Oh, sorry, God. Rory, this is my sister Honor. Honor, Rory Gilmore.
RORY [relaxes]: Sister? Really? Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you.
HONOR: It's nice to meet you too.
RORY: Hey, your sister's here. Cool.
LOGAN: So, what's the occasion?
HONOR: Well, I had to see you, and since you never check your email I had to drag myself down and beg Lanny to let me in so I could show you this! [She holds up her hand to display a ring.]
LOGAN: Holy! [They hug again.]
HONOR: It happened last night!
LOGAN: Oh, Josh finally gave in, uh?
HONOR: Oh, stop it. He's lucky I ever looked at him in the first place.
LOGAN: Well, congratulations.
HONOR: Listen. I need a favor. I'm going to tell them tomorrow night and I need you there for support.
LOGAN: Come on.
HONOR: Hey. I backed you up when you wanted to take a year off school and sail around the world. I wired you the money when you sunk the yacht. I helped pay off the Indonesian Coast Guard!
LOGAN: Okay, okay! I'll be there.
HONOR: Oh, thank you! I love you, I love you, I love you. Okay. Now I can breathe. And focus on - [she turns to Rory] - you. Hi. [She laughs.]
RORY: Hi.
HONOR: Okay, I'm totally blanking. Your name is?
RORY: Rory. Rory Gilmore.
LOGAN: Yeah, Rory's my [pause] girlfriend.
[Honor turns to look at him, amused.]
RORY: You okay over there? You need a little water, or a time machine?
HONOR: I'm sorry, did you say girlfriend?
LOGAN: Yes.
RORY: It's new.
HONOR [laughs]: Oh, my God! I've never heard him call anyone his girlfriend before. Well, Alyssa Milano, but he was ten and in a weird Who's the Boss phase.
LOGAN: Oh, wow, time flies when you're getting pushed out the door.
HONOR: Okay, I'm sorry. Listen, you must come to dinner too.
RORY: Oh, um -
HONOR: No. Really, come. Please come. It'll make it more festive and distracting.
LOGAN: We'll see.
HONOR: Okay, fine. I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow night. Please don't be late?
LOGAN: I promise.
[They hug.]
HONOR: Bye, Rory.
RORY: Bye!
[Honor leaves.]
LOGAN: And that is my sister.
RORY: I like her!
LOGAN: Yeah, she's cool!
RORY: Listen, you do not have to take me to dinner tomorrow. It's a family thing, I totally understand.
LOGAN: No, you should come.
RORY: Logan.
LOGAN: Hey. Boyfriends bring their girlfriends to their family's houses for dinner. It's natural.
RORY: How would you know?
LOGAN: I saw it on Who's the Boss. Now, let's find that paper.
[Rory hands him the paper.]
DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN
[Lorelai leads Luke into the kitchen.]
LORELAI: So, there's the fridge, stove's over there, grill's on the side, freezer's in the back. That's salad man, plate guy, tongs guy, check-his-trunk-before-he-leaves guy, and here are the ducks. Are you familiar with ducks?
LUKE: I am familiar with ducks.
LORELAI: But, I mean, not just familiar, like you know what a duck is. I mean, have you cooked a duck before?
LUKE: I can handle the ducks. Relax.
LORELAI: Okay. Ducks handled. Good.
LUKE: Now, does Sookie have a menu notes, or, uh -
[Manny hands Luke a binder.]
LUKE: Oh, thanks, uh -
MANNY: Me llamo Manny.
LUKE: Manny. Gracias, Manny.
LORELAI: I talked to Sookie, she said everything you need is in that folder, it's a little unorganized.
LUKE: Well, it wouldn't be Sookie's fault if it wasn't a little unorganized.
LORELAI: Okay, so what can I do to help?
LUKE: Nothing.
LORELAI: Ah. Perfect answer.
LUKE: Not without a hairnet.
LORELAI: Okay. I'll be out there if you need me.
[Lorelai leaves the kitchen.]
YALE DORMS - PARIS' BEDROOM
[Paris enters, followed by her nanny.]
PARIS: He's right there.
DOYLE: What's going on?
PARIS: I'm taking care of you.
DOYLE: You're - [Nanny forces Doyle to sit up and takes off his shirt.] Hey!
PARIS: This is Nanny. She only speaks Portuguese.
DOYLE: What's Portuguese for 'Ow, you're ripping my chest hair out'?
[Nanny speaks Portuguese very fast.]
PARIS: Clean shirt. Got it.
DOYLE: What's she doing? What's that jar? She's got salve! She's got salve! [He struggles as Nanny rubs the salve on his chest.]
PARIS: Doyle, relax. Nanny took care of me for years.
DOYLE: Oh, God. Do you remember when Han Solo finds Luke Skywalker in the snowstorm and he cuts open their dead Taun-taun to hide inside? That's what I smell like at this moment.
PARIS: She makes that balm herself. I'm telling you, it's magic.
DOYLE: Paris, no offense to Nanny and her magic healing balm, but when I came over here I thought you would take care of me.
PARIS: I am taking care of you. I brought you Nanny.
[Nanny dresses him in a clean t-shirt and forces him back down.]
DOYLE: I don't want Nanny. I'm scared of Nanny. Can't you just take it from here?
PARIS: No.
DOYLE: Why?
PARIS: Sick people freak me out.
DOYLE: You're pre-med!
[Nanny says something.]
DOYLE: Paris -
PARIS: Lie down! You'll feel better soon, I promise!
[Nanny packs her bag and leaves the room. Doyle whimpers.]
DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN
[Luke and the staff are busy preparing dinner. The phone rings.]
MANNY: Cocina. Sí, aquí esta. Luke, Sookie.
LUKE: Hey, Sookie.
[Scene cuts from the kitchen to Sookie's living room, where she is sitting on the couch.]
SOOKIE: Hi.
LUKE: Hi.
SOOKIE: Whatcha doing?
LUKE: I'm cooking.
SOOKIE: Right, good. Little test. So, I was just checking in, making sure everything was fine.
LUKE: Everything is fine.
SOOKIE: The ducks working out for you?
LUKE: The ducks are selling like hotcakes.
SOOKIE [giggles]: Like hotcakes. God, you are a funny guy! I just, I never realized. So, I just wanted to tell you that I'm really grateful to you for jumping in like this.
LUKE: Happy to jump.
SOOKIE: Are you straining the sauce?
LUKE: Excuse me?
SOOKIE: The duck sauce. Are you straining it?
LUKE: Yes.
SOOKIE: Twice?
LUKE: No.
SOOKIE: Oh, well. It's really best if you strain it twice. It makes it really smooth.
LUKE: People seem to be liking the sauce, Sookie.
SOOKIE: Well, sure, when you don't know what you're missing, then -
LUKE: Okay, tell you what. From now on, I will strain the duck sauce twice. Three times, if it'll make you happy.
SOOKIE: No! Then it'll be too runny!
LUKE: Twice it is.
SOOKIE: Thank you.
LUKE: You're welcome. [Lorelai enters the kitchen. To Lorelai] Hey. I've got Sookie on the phone, do you need to talk to her?
LORELAI: Yes, actually. Great.
LUKE [to Sookie]: I'm handing you over to Lorelai.
LORELAI: Hey.
SOOKIE [upset]: He's not straining the duck sauce three times, is he?
LORELAI: Uh, not to my knowledge. Hey, Sookie, where are the applications?
SOOKIE: I don't know why you'd joke about a thing like that. Three times! That's not funny!
LORELAI: Sookie, the applications, from the culinary institute, for your temporary replacement?
SOOKIE: Are they not there?
LORELAI: Uh, depends on where 'there' is.
SOOKIE: Huh. They're around somewhere. Check the freezer. Sometimes I like to read in there.
LORELAI: That's very Lucy of you. I'll call when I find them. Now rest. Bye.
SOOKIE: Bye.
[They hang up.]
LORELAI: You know, I love watching you cook. It's hot.
LUKE: That's because you're standing right next to the broiler.
LORELAI: Oh, is that what we're calling it now?
LUKE: Not in front of the guys, please.
LORELAI: Fine. I'll save my dirty cooking jokes for later.
[Lorelai leaves the kitchen.]
LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai enters, talking on her cell phone.]
LORELAI: Yeah, I was just wondering if I could get you to re-submit those applications. [Pause] Well, we seem to have misplaced them. As soon as possible would be great. [She hears a noise from the kitchen. She looks concerned.] Uh-huh. You can just fax them over, that'd be great. Thanks. Bye.
[She hangs up, and looks around for something to defend herself with. She grabs a cushion from the couch.]
LORELAI: Hello, is somebody there?
RORY [walking from her room into the kitchen]: Hey, Mom!
LORELAI [sighs]: Hey, Mom? That's it? You just gave me a heart attack and all you have to say is 'hey, Mom'? I thought you were a vicious serial killer. RORY [getting a soda from the fridge]: Who you were going to challenge to a pillow fight?
LORELAI: What are you doing here, Sassy McSassterson?
RORY: I needed some stuff.
LORELAI: What stuff?
RORY: My blue dress.
LORELAI: What do you need your blue dress for?
RORY: Okay. I am going to tell you something. But when I do, you cannot say a word.
LORELAI: Why not?
RORY: Because I don't want to hear it.
LORELAI: Hear what?
RORY: What you're going to say.
LORELAI: But how do you know what I'm going to say?
RORY: Trust me. I know.
LORELAI: Hey, I have been known to say some very surprising things. 'Hugh, I know you're with Elizabeth Hurley, but how about picking up a hooker tonight?' That was me.
RORY: Mom!
LORELAI: Okay, fine.
RORY: Logan and I are now boyfriend and girlfriend. And I am here because I need my blue dress. To wear to his parents' house tonight.
[She nods, picks up her soda and walks into her bedroom. Lorelai follows her, looking like she desperately wants to say something.]
RORY: I went over to Logan's apartment yesterday. I told him that I didn't want to do the casual dating thing anymore. That it wasn't me, and we should just go back to being friends. Instead, he decided to commit.
LORELAI: A -
RORY: Not a word. Now I know that things may have started off a little rocky - [Lorelai starts to say something else] Ah, ah, ah. But I am very happy with the way things are going and I think that, in time, you will be too.
[Lorelai holds the cushion up to her mouth. Rory picks up the garment bag containing her dress.]
RORY: Okay, I have everything I need. I have to get going. Logan's picking me up at six. It was nice talking to you. Don't forget to breathe.
[She kisses Lorelai's head and leaves.]
DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN
[Luke and the staff are cooking.]
LUKE [tasting]: Good, add the parsley and get it out there. [The phone rings. He answers. ] Kitchen!
SOOKIE: Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?
LUKE: Sookie?
SOOKIE [forceful]: Do you put walnuts in your béchamel?
LUKE: No.
SOOKIE: You don't put walnuts in your béchamel.
LUKE: Sookie, I have things burning, so -
SOOKIE: I thought I tasted walnuts. What things are you burning?
LUKE: What do you mean, you tasted walnuts?
SOOKIE: You want to get fancy, you can do that at your own diner. My béchamel sauce is classic.
LUKE: How are you tasting the béchamel?
SOOKIE: And I don't remember including goat cheese in the fennel salad!
LUKE: How do you know what's in the fennel salad?
SOOKIE: So you admit it. You put goat cheese in the fennel salad.
LUKE: Yeah, I put goat cheese in the fennel salad. It goes good in the fennel salad and you had it sitting there.
SOOKIE: And I also have some Brill-o pads sitting there. You want to toss a couple of those into the fennel salad as well? Hm?
LUKE: How do you know all this?
SOOKIE: I just assumed.
LUKE: You just assumed I put goat cheese in the fennel salad.
SOOKIE: And walnuts in the béchamel.
LUKE: I did not put walnuts in the béchamel. Sookie, are you having people bring you my food? [Sookie doesn't respond.] You are! You're calling here and having people sneak food out from behind my back so that you can taste
it.
SOOKIE: Wow. You paranoid or what? Geez, man, time for a vacation.
[One of the kitchen staff enters the kitchen with an empty take-out container.]
LUKE: Hold on. [To the whole kitchen] Okay, here's the deal. Announcement, please. From this moment on there will be no more food leaving the premises. The food goes from here to the dining room, or upstairs, and that is it. No more food will leave the premises. No quiero que ninguna comida salga de esta local. ¿Comprende?
[The staff agrees.]
LUKE [to Sookie]: What about you, you comprende?
SOOKIE: That's my kitchen, Luke!
LUKE: And it will be here waiting for you when you get back. Until then, sit back, relax, and watch Ellen dance around a little. I got work to do.
SOOKIE: Luke!
LUKE: Bye-bye.
[Sookie hangs up, frustrated.]
YALE DORMS - RORY'S COMMON ROOM
[Rory enters carrying her dress. Paris is in the kitchen.]
RORY: Hey, Paris.
PARIS: Hey, Rory.
[Rory walks into her room and is surprised to see Nanny making her bed.]
RORY: Oh!
NANNY: Oh, I scare?
RORY: No. Yes! Excuse me.
[She walks back into the common room.]
RORY: There's a woman in my room?
PARIS: That's Nanny. You know Nanny. That makes me sad, that you don't remember Nanny. She always liked you.
RORY: She's stripping my bed. Why is she doing that?
PARIS: Well, she finally got Doyle to sleep, and she has to do something. The woman doesn't tire. She's a machine.
RORY: What do you mean, she finally got Doyle to sleep?
PARIS: He's here. He's sick, so Nanny's taking care of him.
RORY: Why aren't you doing it?
PARIS: Sick people freak me out.
RORY: You're pre-med!
PARIS: I'm really tired of having that constantly thrown in my face.
RORY: Paris, could you please just get Nanny out of my room, 'cause I have dinner with Logan tonight and I have to get ready.
PARIS: Logan? I thought you guys were -
RORY: We were.
PARIS: What happened?
RORY: Well, I told him that I didn't think things were working and that we should just be friends, but he didn't want to be just -
PARIS: Friends?
RORY: No. It seemed to wake him up. So now he wants to give commitment a try.
PARIS: A commitment? With Logan?
RORY: Yep.
PARIS: I don't believe it! You did it, you landed the whale. You're Annette Bening.
RORY: I'm not Annette Bening. It was just a matter of getting him to focus on the situation.
PARIS: Focus. Huh.
[Nanny walks out of Rory's room carrying an armload of shoes. She speaks in Portuguese to Paris.]
PARIS: She's going to buff your shoes.
RORY: I need these. [She grabs a pair from the top of the pile and heads back into her room with the dress.]
RORY [OS]: My God, my room is clean!
[Paris smirks and stirs her coffee.]
HUNTZBERGER MANSION
[Rory and Logan get out of his car in front of a massive house.]
RORY: Wow!
LOGAN: Uh, where are my keys? What did I do with my keys?
RORY: Just your parents live here?
LOGAN: Ah, got 'em. [He pulls the keys from the ignition.]
RORY: Well, I certainly hope the drainage is good.
LOGAN: Excuse me?
RORY: Because if it's not good and you have pooling somewhere, you may not know it for months.
LOGAN: I'll be sure to mention that to them.
RORY: You look nervous.
LOGAN: Do I? Huh. I'm just not so sure what I got you into.
RORY: What do you mean?
LOGAN: Well, my family's not going to take my sister's engagement too well. They can be a little vicious when annoyed.
RORY: Hey. Relax. You do not have to worry about me at all. Five years of Friday night dinners have prepared me for exactly this moment.
LOGAN: Really?
RORY: Remind me to tell you about the time my mom climbed out a second story window to get away from my grandmother.
LOGAN: Ah, I will.
[They climb the steps to the front door.]
LOGAN: Okay, ready?
RORY: Ready.
[Logan rings the bell. Honor rushes out.]
HONOR: You are late!
LOGAN: Fifteen minutes.
HONOR: Well, it's awful! A morgue! It's like they already know what I'm going to tell them.
LOGAN: Well, you have been with Josh for three years now.
HONOR: I don't understand it. I called and told them that you were coming because that usually makes Mom happy. And I told her that you were bringing Rory so they'd be on their company behavior, but from the minute Josh and I walked in that door it's been iceberg city! Josh has completely panicked. Shaking.
LOGAN: Wow. Sorry.
HONOR: Don't be sorry. Just get in here and stop it.
[Honor marches inside. Logan sighs.]
RORY: Hm. Remind me to tell you about the time my mother wore a shirt with a rhinestone pen1s on it and my grandma had her car towed.
[Logan looks perplexed. They enter the foyer.]
RORY: Look at the ceiling!
LOGAN: Come on.
[He grabs her hand and pulls her through the house.]
RORY: Have you seen this ceiling?
HONOR: Hurry!
SHIRA: Well, look what the cat dragged in.
LOGAN: Sorry we're late, everyone.
SHIRA: It's all right, Logan, we're still waiting for your father. [Logan kisses her.]
LOGAN: Hey Grandpa, nice to see you. [They shake hands.]
ELIAS: Did you get those books I sent you?
LOGAN: I did, thank you. Hey, Josh, it's been a while, you're looking well.
JOSH: You too.
LOGAN: Everyone, I'd like you to meet Rory Gilmore.
RORY: Hi. It's really nice to meet you all. This house is amazing. Seriously, there should be a docent at the door.
SHIRA: Well, thank you, Rory.
LOGAN: You know Rory's grandparents, Mom. Richard and Emily.
SHIRA: Yes, of course. How are Richard and Emily doing?
RORY: They're doing very well.
SHIRA: Oh, that's wonderful.
[There is a moment of awkward silence. The only sound is Elias swishing an ice cube around his glass.]
RORY: So, um, you were at the wedding, right?
SHIRA: Oh. Why, yes. We were. Oh, it was lovely. Emily certainly knows how to plan an event.
RORY: That she does.
SHIRA: I should send her a note.
RORY [nodding]: Hm.
[Rory glances over at Honor, who points to Josh and mouths "Josh". Rory waves. Josh waves back. Elias continues swishing his ice around.]
LOGAN [getting up]: Hey, Grandpa, can I freshen your drink for you?
[Elias grunts. Logan takes his glass.]
SHIRA: Oh, I'm sorry. Can we get you something, Rory?
[Rory begins to shake her head.]
LOGAN: I got it, Mom.
[More awkward silence. Logan hands Rory a glass.]
RORY: Oh, Logan, I don't think I should -
LOGAN: It's club soda, Ace.
RORY: Oh, good.
[The maid brings in a message on a tray. Shira reads it.]
SHIRA: Apparently Mitchum is still at the office. We might as well start dinner. [She stands.] So. [She gestures for everyone to follow her.]
HONOR [to Josh]: Come on. You'll feel better when you've had some food.
JOSH: I'll feel better when we're leaving.
HONOR [to Rory]: So sorry. We owe you one.
RORY: No. [They head for the dining room. Rory points at a painting.] Is that a Velazquez?
LOGAN: Come on.
RORY: It is! That's a Velazquez! This house is so cool!
DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN
[Lorelai enters.]
LORELAI: So, I am holding in my hand one of our comment cards on which a particular person has written, and I quote, "best meal I've ever had. The duck was exceptional, the lamb chops were amazing. Ask the chef if he'll marry me." What do you think?
LUKE: I don't know, what does she look like?
LORELAI: I didn't say it was a she.
LUKE: I'll stick with what I have.
LORELAI: Aw, sweet. I didn't know you were making lamb chops.
LUKE: Last minute addition. You know, your cooking crew here is great!
LORELAI: Really?
LUKE: Yeah, Mark the salad guy? Top-notch. Javier is one hell of a grill man, and Manny, your sous-chef? I'd kick Caesar out on his ass if I could steal Manny.
LORELAI: Oh, you covet my kitchen staff. Feeling superior and I like it!
[She leaves. A waiter brings in an order slip.]
LUKE: Okay, guys, we need two sea basses, one chicken, one pepper steak without the pepper, go figure - where's Pedro going?
[Pedro is leaving the kitchen with a ladle. Luke follows him up the stairs and into one of the rooms.]
LUKE: I knew it! Are you insane?
SOOKIE: Well, you wouldn't take my calls!
LUKE: How long have you been up here?
SOOKIE: Since you made me promise that no food would leave the premises. Well, here I am, keeping my promises. Pedro, give me the ladle.
LUKE: Pedro, do not give her that ladle.
SOOKIE: Give me the ladle, Pedro.
LUKE: Vente uno con migo, Pedro!
SOOKIE: Hueso su jefe, Pedro!
LUKE: You're scaring Pedro.
SOOKIE: You're scaring Pedro.
LUKE: All day long things are disappearing. Salads are suddenly gone. Lamb chops don't make it to the table.
SOOKIE: I had to make sure you were doing it right.
LUKE: You're supposed to be home!
SOOKIE: No! I'm supposed to be in bed! And I'm in bed! And you said that you would double-strain the duck sauce and you, my friend, are not double straining!
LUKE: There will be no more of this. No more calls. No more questions. No more ladles that leave that kitchen. I don't care what bed you're in. That is between you and your husband and God, I hope a qualified therapist. But you will not interfere with me anymore. Period.
[He turns to go.]
SOOKIE [to Pedro]: Give me that.
[Luke grabs the ladle and runs.]
HUNTZBERGER MANSION - DINING ROOM
[The family is sitting at the table, being served dinner.]
LOGAN: So, Grandpa, how's the new boat?
ELIAS: It's a boat. It floats.
LOGAN: I hear it's beautiful. When are you going to let me take her out?
SHIRA: Now, Logan, you don't have the best track record when it comes to boats.
LOGAN: Only other people's boats. Our boats are very safe.
HONOR: We should do a summer trip. Maybe hit the Amalfi Coast again? All of us. Rory, Josh, you, me.
[Elias slams his fork down on the table.]
SHIRA: Dad!
ELIAS: Maria!
MARIA: Yes, sir?
ELIAS: It's too hot. Bring me a salad.
SHIRA: I'll be right back. [She gets up.]
[Honor mimes smoking a cigarette to Rory.]
RORY [to Logan]: What?
LOGAN: Mom's a stress smoker.
RORY: Oh. I don't understand why everyone's so upset. Josh seems fine.
LOGAN: The Huntzbergers aren't interested in fine.
ELIAS: Shira!
SHIRA [OS]: Yes, Dad?
ELIAS: What time did Mitchum say he'd be here?
[Shira re-enters the room, coughing a bit and waving the smoke away.]
SHIRA: I don't know. He didn't say.
ELIAS: Well, this is ridiculous!
SHIRA: Please, Dad.
ELIAS: We're all just going to sit around this table and pretend there's nothing going on?
SHIRA: Let's just wait for Mitchum!
ELIAS: There are serious matters to be discussed here. This is an important family. Marrying into it is important business. But no, we can't discuss this until Mitchum gets here! [Maria brings him his salad.] What is this? Go away!
LOGAN: Okay, I'm sorry. I have to jump in here. Grandpa, we all respect you and Mom and Dad, but the bottom line here is, Honor has to be happy. Now, if she loves Josh, then -
HONOR: Logan, I appreciate you defending me but I can take it from here. Mom, Grandpa, I had hoped that you would be happy for me, but obviously that's not going to happen. You didn't even let me announce it to you before you formed your opinion, and I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but Josh and I made it official last week. We are engaged now and no matter what you say, we are going to get married. In June.
SHIRA: Well, of course you're going to get married! You've been dating for three years, and I already put a hold on the Japanese Tea Garden for next spring.
HONOR: Oh. Well, that sounds great, thank you!
LOGAN: So we should celebrate then!
ELIAS: We'll celebrate when we have finished our discussion!
HONOR: Which discussion?
ELIAS: The discussion about unsuitable people marrying into this family.
HONOR: What?
SHIRA [panicked]: I'll be right back! [She rushes out.]
ELIAS: You should know better than this, Logan! I know you like to joke around, and tease us, but I always thought at the end of the day, you understood what your responsibilities to this family were!
LOGAN: Mom, I suggest you come back in here, right now!
SHIRA [hovering near the doorway]: Logan, you just haven't thought about this. I mean, I'm sure Rory understands. She wants to work. Isn't that right, Rory? Emily's always talking about you wanting to be a reporter and travel around doing this and that. A girl like Rory has no idea what it takes to be in this family, Logan.
LOGAN: Oh my God.
SHIRA: She wasn't raised that way. She wasn't bred for it. And this isn't at all about her mother, it's just, you come from two totally different worlds.
ELIAS: It would never work. Not for you, and certainly not for us.
LOGAN: Okay, this conversation is going to end right now. I am not going to sit here -
ELIAS: You are going to be taking over this company! That's what you are going to be doing! And when you do, you are going to need the right kind of person at your side. This isn't college, Logan!
SHIRA: And whatever happened to that Fallon girl? I loved her. Do you talk
anymore?
LOGAN: No, we don't talk! We never talked, you talked.
SHIRA: Oh, what a shame. I just loved her.
LOGAN [gets up]: Okay. Let's go. SHIRA [calling after them as they leave]: Logan. You have to understand. You bring this girl home without any warning at all, and Honor tells us you're calling her your girlfriend! We have to take that seriously. Logan, come back here!
RORY: I don't understand!
LOGAN: They're psychotic. What more is there to understand?
RORY: But why don't they think I'm good enough?
LOGAN: Rory.
RORY: I mean, I'm a Gilmore! Do they know that? My ancestors came over on the Mayflower!
LOGAN: Don't try to analyze it, there's no rhyme or reason!
RORY: I had a coming out party! I went to Chilton, and Yale, and why are they okay with Josh? I mean, he doesn't even say anything! At least I noticed the Velazquez!
LOGAN: Josh isn't marrying the heir to the Huntzberger fortune, you are. [The door opens.] I've got to get out of here.
[Mitchum enters.]
MITCHUM: Logan! Perfect. Did they start dinner? Is it some sort of precious fish dish? 'Cause I'm dying for a steak. You're Rory, I assume. Heard a lot about you. [They shake hands.]
LOGAN: We're leaving.
MITCHUM: What? Why?
LOGAN: You know why.
MITCHUM: Had a long day, Logan. Don't want to play games. Is dinner over?
LOGAN: No. The Huntzberger family Shanghai is over. Dinner, however is still going on.
MITCHUM: Oh, okay. Okay. What happened? [He walks toward the dining room.] Oh, no. Why is your mother smoking?
LOGAN: We have to go. I'm sure they'll fill you in on everything.
RORY: It was nice to meet you.
[Logan and Rory leave.]
YALE DORMS - PARIS' BEDROOM
[Doyle and Nanny are laughing. Paris opens the door. Doyle rubs salve on his chest.]
DOYLE: Paris, come on in, we're just chatting.
PARIS: I see that.
DOYLE: I got to tell you, Paris, you were right. This stuff is magic. Esa e majica. [Nanny laughs.] She just taught me that.
[Nanny speaks Portuguese and gets up to go.]
DOYLE: Uh-huh.
[She leaves, smiling and nodding at Paris.]
DOYLE: She's great!
PARIS: Yeah, she is. So, you seem better!
DOYLE: I am so much better. Nanny's got me salving every four hours, I've steamed, I've had soup. All I need now is one more good Nyquil knockout sleep, and I'll be as good as new. [He points to the Nyquil.] Hey, could you?
PARIS [grabs it]: Oh, sure.
DOYLE: I've got to tell you, Paris. You're a lifesaver. Really. [Paris stares at the Nyquil in her hand.] Paris? [She looks up.] Paris, the Nyquil!
PARIS: Doyle, it's time we have a talk about our relationship.
DOYLE: But -
PARIS: Doyle, focus!
DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN
[Jackson bursts through the door.]
JACKSON: Hey. You in the hat.
LUKE: Jackson, what are you -
JACKSON: How dare you take a ladle from a pregnant woman!
LUKE: What?
JACKSON: Dr. Menck very specifically said that she needs to relax and she cannot relax thinking you're in here screwing up her sauce!
LUKE: I'm not!
JACKSON: Now, while there's a very good chance that you could kill me in a fight, I do not care. That woman is my wife, and she is carrying my baby. So from now on, if she wants to talk, you will talk! If she wants to taste your food, you will let her taste your food! If she wants you to double-strain that sauce, you will double-strain that sauce, my friend! Because I have to live with her and if she is upset because of anything that you have done, I will come over here and I will soundly kick your ass! That is if you haven't killed me yet! [He marches out of the kitchen.]
LUKE: Hey!
[Luke also marches out of the kitchen.]
DRAGONFLY INN - LIVING ROOM
[Luke walks up to Lorelai.]
LUKE: Hey. That's it. I've had it.
LORELAI: You've had what?
LUKE: She's a crazy woman, and now she's upstairs and ladles are mysteriously flying out of the kitchen.
LORELAI: Who's upstairs?
LUKE: Sookie's upstairs!
LORELAI: No, Sookie's at home.
LUKE: No, Sookie's supposed to be at home. And then I didn't strain the sauce twice, so she came here to drive me crazy and she brought her loony husband with her!
LORELAI: Jackson's here? How am I missing all of this?
LUKE: I don't know, and I don't care! I'm through! I'm not taking this anymore!
LORELAI: What do you mean, you're not taking it anymore? What are you going to do?
LUKE: You want to know what I'm going to do? Nothing! Because I am in a relationship with you and you know very well I can't leave. All I can do is come out here and say I'm through and pretend I have a leg to stand on and then march back into that kitchen and keep doing the job, but, oh, boy. I'm going to be thinking about what I would have done if we weren't in a relationship, even though that would mean I wouldn't be in this position in the first place. [He nods.] Excuse me.
[Lorelai watches him go, then heads upstairs to the room Sookie was in. There are samples of food on the bed, but she is gone. Lorelai goes outside to chase after her.]
STARS HOLLOW STREET
[Lorelai catches up to Jackson and Sookie, making their getaway in a golf cart. She walks alongside them.]
LORELAI: Ah, if this is the eccentric couple version of the Amazing Race, I think you guys are winning.
JACKSON: Are we talking to her? I don't think we're talking to her.
SOOKIE: Hey, it's Lorelai!
JACKSON: Girlfriend of Luke, and we're not talking to Luke.
SOOKIE: Well, I'm talking to Lorelai. How you doing?
LORELAI: Sookie, this is not bed rest.
SOOKIE: My feet are up.
JACKSON: I told you not to talk to her.
LORELAI: What is with the 'tude, cranky pants?
SOOKIE: He's very mad at Luke.
LORELAI: Well, I'm not Luke!
JACKSON: By extension, you are Luke.
LORELAI: Sookie, what were you doing at the Inn?
SOOKIE: Checking in on the restaurant. That's my job.
LORELAI: Not anymore. Your job is bed rest.
SOOKIE: Ooh, honey, easy on the bumps. Baby doesn't like the bumps.
LORELAI: Jackson, stop.
JACKSON: She and that boyfriend of hers. Bossiest couple in town.
LORELAI: Stop! At least let me ride!
[Jackson slows down to let Lorelai jump on.]
SOOKIE: Oh!
LORELAI: Okay. Go. [They go.] Sookie, you knew the day was coming when you wouldn't be able to come in!
SOOKIE: I had three weeks.
LORELAI: You never had any applications, did you?
SOOKIE: I meant to. No one was good enough.
LORELAI: Well, no one's as good as you, but plenty of people are good enough! We just need one of them, just till you're back on your feet.
SOOKIE: I know!
LORELAI: You know, Luke's not as good as you either. That kind of cooking's a little fancy for him, but he tried.
SOOKIE: Yeah, he's not bad. He's pretty good, in fact. What does he put in these? [She pulls out a plate covered in foil.]
LORELAI: What is that?
SOOKIE: His lamb chops. They're amazing, I'm taking them home to study.
LORELAI: Well, you could have just asked him.
SOOKIE: Hm, he's mad at me.
JACKSON: We're mad at him!
LORELAI: We're all going to stop being mad at each other. Now, pull over.
JACKSON: Why?
LORELAI: Because, uh, you live here.
JACKSON: Oh, yeah. [He stops the cart.]
LORELAI: You know, Luke said that Manny was doing pretty well.
SOOKIE: I know, I trained him. You know, when I first met him he didn't know a cafette from a chiffonade.
LORELAI: Yeah, well, he's from New Jersey.
SOOKIE: And he picked it up quick.
LORELAI: Maybe he can take over while you're out. Keep it in the family. He knows all your secrets.
SOOKIE: Okay. We'll go with Manny. He's a good guy.
LORELAI: I think that's a good idea.
SOOKIE: Thank Luke for me.
LORELAI: I will.
SOOKIE: And find out what's in these lamb chops, because they're driving me crazy!
LORELAI: I promise. Jackson, get her inside. Don't let her move.
SOOKIE: Hey, how are you going to get back?
LORELAI: Oh, I thought I'd take the cart you guys stole.
SOOKIE: Perfect!
JACKSON: This all turned out pretty good.
[He helps Sookie inside.]
YALE CAMPUS
[Logan is walking Rory home in silence. He looks troubled. They reach the door of her building.]
LOGAN: So. Okay if I just drop you here?
RORY: Drop me here?
LOGAN: Yeah, lights are on. Paris is home. I've had about all the crazy I can for one evening.
RORY: Okay. Sure. You know we don't have to go in, we can go get something to eat.
LOGAN: I'm not hungry.
RORY: Okay.
LOGAN: I just want to walk a little, clear my head.
RORY: Okay.
[They kiss.]
LOGAN: I'll call you later.
RORY: Tomorrow?
LOGAN [walking away]: Uh, yeah. Tomorrow.
[Rory goes inside.]
LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Luke and Lorelai relax on the couch. Luke is nearly asleep. Lorelai flips through channels on the T.V.]
LORELAI: Does it seem like Frodo is on every fricking channel to you, or is it just me?
LUKE: God, I have never been this tired.
LORELAI: Aw. You were one hell of a white knight today, baby.
LUKE: Yes, I'm a regular Lancelot.
LORELAI: You're starting to snooze.
LUKE: Uh-huh.
LORELAI [softly]: Do you want to go upstairs, or are you okay right here?
LUKE: Uh-huh.
LORELAI [whispers]: Luke.
[Luke groans.]
LORELAI [whispers]: What did you put in the lamb chops?
LUKE: Forget it.
LORELAI: Come on!
[The phone rings.]
LUKE: Saved by the bell.
LORELAI: I'll be right back. [She answers the phone.] Hello?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene cuts from Lorelai's house to Rory's bedroom.]
RORY: You busy?
LORELAI: What's wrong?
RORY: Dinner was awful.
LORELAI [whispers]: Hold on. [She gets up and goes into the kitchen, careful not to disturb Luke.] Okay, hit it.
RORY: Well, to make a long story short, Logan's family hates me.
LORELAI: That's impossible. It's like hating Thumper. No one hates Thumper.
RORY: They think I'm trash. They think I'm not good enough to marry into their family.
LORELAI: What are they talking about? Don't they know you're a Gilmore?
RORY: I don't think they care.
LORELAI: Ah, pfft. And who said anything about marrying into their family?
RORY: Apparently, Logan bringing me over for dinner said that I was going to marry into their family.
LORELAI: Uh, that's crazy.
RORY: I know! But then they got all panicked and they started saying all these things -
LORELAI: To your face?
RORY: Right there at the dinner table!
LORELAI: What?
RORY: They went on and on about how I'm going to be a career woman and Logan, you don't want that, she won't understand our lifestyle or the demands, or, or the family responsibilities!
LORELAI: What family responsibilities? Who are they, the Gambino's?
RORY: Then his mother starts in on that lovely Fallon girl, and doesn't Logan see her anymore? Because she would make a perfect choice!
LORELAI: And what did you say?
RORY: Nothing. I just sat there. I just sat there and let them say that I wasn't good enough, and that Logan was making a mistake, and just wait till his father came home!
LORELAI: I hate these people!
RORY: It was awful.
LORELAI: Well, Logan didn't just sit there and let them attack you all night, did he?
RORY: No. He got really mad and he told them they were all crazy and then we left.
LORELAI: Well, good for him.
RORY: But we didn't say a word to each other all the way home. And then walking back to my dorm, he just looked so freaked. I could tell that he was just, I don't know, rethinking everything. The whole relationship. I'm just afraid he's going to bolt. Mom?
[Lorelai has been shaking her head in disapproval, not saying anything.]
LORELAI: Can I say something? Something you may not want to hear?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: If he is going to bolt, maybe you should let him bolt. He told you, Rory, he told you he was not a commitment kind of guy, just like you're not a non-commitment kind of girl. And you tried to be something you weren't and it was bad. It didn't work for you. Don't try and force him to be something he's not.
RORY: I didn't force him!
LORELAI: I know, but he was looking at losing you, and he didn't want to and I give him credit for that, but maybe in the end this is not the guy or the relationship for you.
RORY: I don't care what his family thinks.
LORELAI: This has nothing to do with his family.
RORY: We're good together, Mom. I'm good for him.
LORELAI: But maybe he isn't good for you.
RORY: People can change!
LORELAI: Do you really want to be in the business of changing someone?
RORY: Maybe he wants to change!
LORELAI: Rory, two days ago you were on the bathroom floor crying about why he won't call you. Why doesn't he like you, what did you do?
RORY: I was drunk. I was sick!
LORELAI: You, my beautiful, brainy, fabulous daughter, were lying on the floor of the bathroom, wondering what you had done wrong! Which is disturbing to me on several levels, including the fact that I can't remember the last time I cleaned the floor of the bathroom! Is that really the kind of relationship you want to be in?
[Rory is frowning. There is a knock on the door of her common room.]
RORY: Hold on.
[She goes to answer the door, still holding the phone. Logan is standing in the door.]
RORY: Hey. Everything okay?
LOGAN: I'm sorry.
RORY: For what?
LOGAN: For just taking off like that. I just, this was a very intense evening for me.
RORY: I'm sure.
LOGAN: But taking off like that, I was overreacting, that's just stupid. So, forgive me?
RORY: There's nothing to forgive.
LOGAN: Come on, grab your coat. I'll take you to get something to eat.
RORY: Okay. I'll be right back.
[She goes back into her bedroom and closes the door.]
RORY [on the phone]: Did you hear that?
LORELAI: Yeah. I sure did.
RORY: Everything's fine. I just got upset about nothing.
LORELAI: Okay, but -
RORY: Thanks for the talk, Mom, and I heard you, but I have to go.
LORELAI: Okay. Call me tomorrow.
RORY: I will.
[She hangs up, gets her coat, and leaves. Lorelai hangs up and stares at the floor, helpless.]
YALE NEWSROOM
[Paris is talking to Rory at her desk.]
PARIS: He got dumped two years ago. Apparently, it was a vicious Julia Roberts to Kiefer Sutherland kind of dump. She broke his heart, slept with his best friend, and took the dog. He swore off women completely until he met me.
RORY: Wow. That was a lot of ground you guys covered last night.
PARIS: He finally admitted, once his cough started coming back, that what we have he no longer views as casual. He said we are officially in a committed
[SCENE_BREAK]
RORY: Hey, I know that word!
PARIS: - Relationship, and I would not be remotely out of line if I called myself his girlfriend. And then I handed him the Nyquil, and then he passed out.
RORY: Very romantic.
PARIS: I know.
[Mitchum enters the newsroom.]
RORY: I'm happy for you.
PARIS: I'm happy for me too. Mr. Huntzberger! [She stands suddenly.]
MITCHUM: Hello, there. Hello, Rory.
RORY: Hi.
PARIS: Paris Gellar. We met a couple of months ago. [She shakes his hand.]
MITCHUM: I remember the handshake. Reminded me of Jimmy Breslin's.
PARIS: High compliment.
MITCHUM: Would you excuse us?
PARIS: Oh, sure. [She leaves.]
RORY: Are you looking for Logan?
MITCHUM: No, I know better than to look for my son in the newsroom. I came to talk to you.
RORY: About what?
MITCHUM: I'm very sorry about what happened the other night.
RORY: It's okay.
MITCHUM: My family behaved atrociously, and, though Logan was a little naïve to walk into the lion's den without a chair like that, they were wrong and you deserve an apology.
RORY: Okay. Thank you.
MITCHUM: So, I hear you have some rather lofty journalistic aspirations.
RORY [nods]: I have plans.
MITCHUM: You know, my company just acquired a small newspaper. The Stamford Eagle Gazette. Decent circulation, pretty sorry writing, but definite potential. When we buy a new paper, I like to spend some time there. Take a couple of months, help turn it around, make sure we're getting our money's worth. Stamford isn't a bad train ride from here, is it?
RORY: Um, no.
MITCHUM: I have an internship available, if you're interested.
RORY: An internship?
MITCHUM: Be a good chance for you to get your feet wet. Experience how the real thing works.
RORY: No. Thank you.
MITCHUM [confused]: No, thank you?
RORY: I appreciate the offer. But no.
MITCHUM [stands up as if to leave, then turns back to Rory]: May I be so bold as to inquire, why the hell not?
RORY: Because I have a feeling that the only reason you're doing this is because you feel guilty about what happened the other night at dinner, and it's very nice, but very unnecessary.
MITCHUM: So what?
RORY: Excuse me?
MITCHUM: Say the only reason I offered this to you is because my family behaved badly and I wanted to make up for it. Say I have no interest in furthering your career. This is still an opportunity. Who cares why you got the opportunity? It's here, and life is about making the most of everything you're handed. Well, this is being handed to you. Now, what are you going to do about it?
[Rory looks thoughtful. Mitchum smiles in victory.]
MITCHUM: Monday. Ten o'clock. Call my office for the details. [He begins walking away.] And bring a pencil! You never know when you're going to need a pencil!
[He leaves.]
____________________________END_______________________________ | Plan: A: Rory; Q: Who tells Logan that she wants to be friends? A: a casual dater; Q: What does Rory realize she's not? A: a couple; Q: What does Logan suggest they become instead of friends? A: his family; Q: Who is not happy with Logan and Rory's relationship? A: Luke; Q: Who is the temporary Head Chef at the Dragonfly? A: a temporary replacement; Q: What does Lorelai look for for Sookie? A: Sookie; Q: Who interferes with Luke's job? A: the rest; Q: What part of Sookie's pregnancy must she remain in bed for? A: her kitchen; Q: What does Sookie not want to lose control of? A: Paris; Q: Who learns the real reason why Doyle hasn't returned her calls? Summary: Rory finally realizes that she's not a casual dater and tells Logan that she wants to be friends. He surprises her by suggesting they become a couple instead, while she's certainly fine with that plan, his family may not be. Luke fills in as Head Chef at the Dragonfly while Lorelai looks for a temporary replacement for Sookie, who must remain in bed for the rest of her pregnancy. Unfortunately, Sookie doesn't like losing control of her kitchen and interferes with Luke. And Paris learns the real reason why Doyle hasn't returned her calls lately. |
[Scene: The Leery Living room. Dawson and Gretchen are sitting on the couch, while Mitch is standing by the stairs calling up to Gale.]
Mitch: I can't believe your mother is still getting dressed. What is she doin' up there?
Dawson: Well, there's a whole lot more of her to dress these days.
Gretchen: So not what to say to a woman who's 2 weeks overdue.
Mitch: She's right, Dawson. You say, "darling, I've never seen a woman with a 65" waist look so hot."
Gretchen: You guys are terrible.
Mitch: What would be terrible is missing our reservation. This may be our last date before the baby comes, and if we don't hurry
[Gale comes down holding her very pregnant belly.]
Gale: Mitch, we have to go. Now.
Mitch: You're telling me? We're late already.
Gale: No. Forget about dinner.
Dawson: Now?
Gale: Now.
Mitch: Now?
Gale: Uh-huh. If we don't get moving, yeah, right here on the stairs.
Mitch: Ok. How long are your contractions?
Gale: Long enough to hurt. Aah! Aah!
Mitch: Here.
Gale: Aah!
Mitch: I got the bag.
Gale: Did you pack my bathrobe?
Mitch: Flannel.
Gale: Heavy socks?
Mitch: Wool.
Gale: Lip balm?
Mitch: Damn! I knew I forgot something.
Dawson: What, are you guys going skiing?
Gale: I'm gonna pant for a few hours. Aah!
[Gretchen and Dawson help Gale out to the door while Mitch grabs the suitcase in the hall. Gretchen reaches into her pocket and pulls out some lip balm.]
Gretchen: Here.
Mitch: Ah, thanks. We should call the doctor.
Gale: From the car.
Mitch: We'll call you, too, son.
Gale: Did you remember the birthing music?
Mitch: I got Enya, John Tesh, Kenny G.
Gale: I'm having a baby, not going into a coma.
Mitch: I'll sing for you honey. We'll call you from the hospital.
[Mitch and Gale leave while Dawson and Gretchen watch them go.]
Dawson: Well, I guess that pretty much does it for our evening.
Gretchen: Pretty much.
Dawson: Yeah.
Both: Ha ha ha! Ha!
[Excitedly hold each other]
[Opening Credits]
[Scene: The Hospital. Mitch and Gale are talking to the doctor when Dawson enters the room.]
Gale: It's not happening?
Doctor: They're called Braxton hicks contractions. False labor.
Gale: Trust me. There is nothing false about these contractions.
Doctor: You're right, but they're not enough to bring on dilation. You're still at 1 centimeter, gale.
Gale: Are you sure you're using the right ruler?
[Dawson enters]
Dawson: So, I take it there's no baby yet?
Gale: Mm-mmm.
Doctor: The baby may decide not to make an appearance for days.
Dawson: Really?
Doctor: Normally, I'd have no cause for concern.
Mitch: But you do.
Doctor: Because of gale's age, there's a significantly increased risk of complications.
Dawson: What kind of complications?
Doctor: Now, I don't want anyone to worry.
Mitch: Then tell us what you're talking about.
Doctor: If stage 2 labor doesn't begin in a few days, I'm going to induce, and if any issues arise, we've got a great facility here to do an immediate "C."
Gale: Oh, my god. Do you really think that it's gonna be necessary?
Doctor: Just relax. Honestly, that's the best thing you can do right now.
Mitch: Isn't there anything you can do to help the baby along?
Doctor: Some of my patients try talking to their babies. What's your baby's name?
Dawson: That's a very good question.
Mitch: We haven't quite found the right one yet.
Doctor: I'm gonna write you a prescription, gale, and then I'm gonna go back to dinner with my husband. You do the same.
[The doctor hands her the prescription and then leaves.]
Gale: "Name your baby."
[Scene: The School Library. Tobey is helping Will with his reading.]
Will: This assignment is all kinds of stupid. The story doesn't even have a hero.
Tobey: Most good stories have a hero of some sort.
Will: But everybody in here has all these problems.
[Jack comes running into the library taking his coat off in a hurry.]
Jack: Actually, will, the most interesting heroes usually have a problem they can't overcome, despite themselves.
Tobey: Like pathological tardiness.
Jack: But many heroes do eventually overcome their flaws.
Tobey: Yeah. I'll believe it when I see it.
Jack: They just have to learn how to avoid Friday night traffic on Water Street.
Tobey: Oh, they didn't learn that last week?
Jack: They got stuck on Front Street last week.
Will: If you two don't mind, I'm tryin' to pass the fourth grade here.
Tobey: Ha ha ha ha! Ok.
[Tobey sits down with Will and Jack goes to help another child.]
[Scene: Outside the Potter B&B. Joey is talking on the Cordless phone.]
Joey: Hey, guess who? I was just callin' to see if you were back yet, but alas, no beau. So when you get this, give me a call. Ok. Bye.
[Bessie sees her and goes outside.]
Bessie: Ok. It's official. You've become the neurotic girlfriend.
Joey: It's just--it's weird.
Bessie: There's nothing weird about it. He's away on a fishing trip with his brother.
[They go back into the B&B.]
Bessie: I found the most adorable onesie downtown. I just had to get it for gale. Help me wrap it.
[Joey looks at it and it makes her nervous.]
Joey: I'm goin' to Pacey's.
[Joey storms out.]
Bessie: Joey.
[Scene: Gretchen's House. Gretchen is trying to get the table ready for dinner while Dawson is sitting at it..]
Gretchen: What's a naming shower?
Dawson: You know, instead of booties, everybody brings names.
Gretchen: You people love to invent rituals.
Dawson: Heh heh! It's tomorrow afternoon. Can you make it?
Gretchen: Tomorrow? Absolutely. The day after, I'm on the noon train to Boston.
Dawson: What's in Boston?
Gretchen: Well, if my interview for Cambridge magazine goes well, me.
Dawson: Cambridge magazine?
Gretchen: Yeah. They just called right before you came over. I applied for this interview as an assistant lifestyles editor, and they loved my application. They're actually thinking of paying me to go to concerts and museums and restaurants. Is that amazing or what?
Dawson: Wow.
Gretchen: Speak your subtext, boy.
Dawson: I didn't know that you were applying for a job.
Gretchen: Well, I recently made the decision. I was hoping that you would be psyched for me.
Dawson: I am psyched for you. It's an incredible job. I think you'll be great at it.
Gretchen: But suddenly, this tacit little issue that's been floating in the back of both of our minds has become very real. We're gonna have to talk about it eventually
Dawson: "It" referring to the potential continent between us.
Gretchen: Ok. How do you feel about long distance relationships?
Dawson: Historically, they don't have the best track record, but
Gretchen: But we could be that one couple.
Dawson: Absolutely.
Gretchen: One of us could also join the other.
Dawson: How could I ask you to come to California?
Gretchen: How could I ask you to come to Boston?
Dawson: What's going on here? We're-- last week, we're declaring our love for each other. Now it sounds like we're breaking up.
Gretchen: Well, I just think we're dealing with reality.
Dawson: Which is what?
Gretchen: Right now it's dinner by candlelight with the man I love.
[She sits down to eat, but Dawson has a disturbed look on his face.]
[Scene: The school library. Tobey and Jack are cleaning up at the end of the day, while Will is sitting on a table waiting for his mother to come and pick him up.]
Tobey: You're pretty good at this teaching thing, Mr. Mcphee.
Jack: Well, I have to say, I kind of enjoy it.
Tobey: Now if we can just get you to show up on time.
Jack: Point taken, pal, which is why you're leaving early.
Tobey: Oh, come on. That's not necessary.
Jack: Yeah, it is. I've had enough of your grief for one day, so I'll stay with will and make sure his mom picks him up. I'll pay my penance.
Tobey: You sure?
Jack: Go.
Tobey: You sure you know how to lock up after
Jack: Why are you still here?
Tobey: Ok. Good night, Jack. See you tomorrow.
Jack: All right. Later, Tobey.
[Tobey Leaves.]
Jack: Will, give me a hand here with those, please.
[Scene: Outside at the bus stop. Tobey walks up to the Bus stop, and another man is already sitting there waiting for the bus.]
Tobey: Ooh. Whoo! Cold night. [The guy turns and looks at him] Buses run late.
[The guy stands up, and another comes up behind them, and then fade to black.]
[Scene: Gretchen's House. Joey pulls up to the house and gets out of the truck and goes to the porch. It is late at night, but Gretchen is sitting outside all alone.]
Joey: I'm really sorry to come by so late.
Gretchen: It's cool. Dawson just left.
Joey: Look, I really need to talk to Pacey. Do you have any idea when he's gonna be back from his fishing trip?
Gretchen: No, I don't, but I'm sure he'll call you as soon as he gets back.
Joey: There's something wrong, isn't there? I mean, this isn't like Pacey. Gretchen, what's going on?
[Gretchen stands up and stares off into the horizon.]
Gretchen: You know, I told him I wouldn't do this anymore, and I won't.
Joey: What?
Gretchen: Lying. It's the worst thing for everyone.
Joey: Pacey isn't on a fishing trip, is he?
Gretchen: Pacey got arrested for public drunkenness while you were in New York. Doug got the charges dropped, and then he took him camping to try to talk some sense into him.
Joey: Oh, my god.
Gretchen: This is an intense time. We're all planning our futures, trying to figure out what we're gonna do with the rest of our lives, but if we can't put all that aside and try to do everything possible to make Pacey's life easier right now, he might not have much of one. He's in a lot of pain, so you have to promise me that you won't do anything to put any additional pressure on him right now, ok? I mean, can you do that?
Joey: Do you or do you not know how I can get in touch with him?
Gretchen: Did you just hear what I said?
Joey: No. I can't promise you that, Gretchen.
Gretchen: How could you possibly be that selfish?
Joey: I'm late.
[She realizes what Joey is talking about]
Gretchen: Joey, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
Joey: It's ok. I'm fine, thank you.
Gretchen: Did you confirm that you're pregnant?
Joey: No. I really just need to talk to my boyfriend, so if there's any way that you can get in touch with him
Gretchen: As soon as they get back here or if they call in, I promise to make sure that Pacey gets in touch with you.
Joey: Thank you.
Gretchen: Joey, I know that things seem confusing and frightening, but you have to find the courage to take the test, and that way, you can consider your options. [Joey turns to leave] Joey!
Joey: I'm fine. I can handle this.
Gretchen: Look, if you change your mind, you can always come back here... any time. ...
[Joey gets into her truck and leaves.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Outside the Leery house. Gale comes out carry a tray of food, when Jen and Grams come walking up carrying gifts.]
Gale: Oh, you guys, I thought I made you promise--no gifts.
Grams: Asking ladies not to bring gifts to a shower is like asking the sun not to shine, birds not to sing.
Jen: Good lord. Give this woman a ball of yarn and some knitting needles, you'll be amazed what she can come up with.
[A bell rings in the house.]
Gale: Oh, excuse me. My kitchen's calling.
[She hands them the tray, and turns to go into the house as Dawson comes out.]
Gale: Oh, hi, honey.
Jen: Dawson, why isn't your mom, like, on the couch with her feet up?
Dawson: Oh, she's not interested. She's cooking, she's cleaning, she's relentless.
Grams: Nesting instinct.
Dawson: Do you want some laundry done? You could make her day. Come on.
[Gretchen comes walking up to them and Jen and Grams walk over to the benches.]
Gretchen: Hey.
Dawson: Hey. I went to the bookstore this morning and looked at some magazines-- once certain city magazine in particular. It's a great read.
Gretchen: I spent the whole morning trying to pack, you know, and I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. I mean, the only real job interview I ever had was with your mother.
[Gale comes out with another tray.]
Dawson: Mom, I got it.
Gale: Oh, thanks, honey. Ah! Hi, Gretch.
Gretchen: Hi.
[Joey and Bessie come up to join them. ]
Joey: Hey.
Gale: Hi, Joey.
Gretchen: How you doin'?
Joey: Fine.
Gretchen: Look, Joey, if you need anything at all, I'm here.
Bessie: Would you please tell my sister to get a life of her own? Your brother goes fishing, and, I swear, she doesn't know what to do with herself.
Gale: Oh, Joey! Hi.
Joey: Hi.
Gale: Oh, I haven't seen you in so long. How are you?
Joey: Never better.
[They all come out to the bench area in the back yard, where everyone is gathering. Mitch and Dawson are there with all the women for the shower.]
Mitch: Oh! Ok! Everybody, let's get started.
Gretchen: Are you staying?
Mitch: I...
Grams: tradition is very clear on this matter. No men at showers.
Gale: Well, in case you haven't noticed, we're kind of a non-traditional household.
Dawson: That's ok. Dad and I will leave and let you women do whatever it is you do at these things.
Mitch: Come on, Dawson. Let's get out of here before the v*g1n* monologues start.
All: Oh!
[Scene: The Library. Jack walks into the library and all the kids are playing around making lots of noise and not studying. Jack looks around but doesn't see Tobey.]
Jack: Will, where's Tobey? [Will Shrugs his shoulders] You haven't seen him, heard from him, anything? I don't believe it. Frank, get off that!
[Scene: The Shower. Grams is holding a needle hanging at the end of a string over Gale's Belly.]
Gretchen: It's moving. It's actually moving. How did you actually find this?
Gale: Where did you learn this?
Grams: Generations of women have done this. It was the ultrasound of the middle ages.
Gale: So what is it? A boy or a girl?
Grams: It's just what you want.
[Laughs]
Bessie: I'd like to go first. These are from Bodie and me.
[Bessie hands Gale a card with a name on it.]
Gale: Sophie.
Gretchen: That's an adorable name.
Bessie: It means "wise." That's what we were gonna name Alexander if he was a girl.
Gale: Hmm. Sophie Leery.
Bessie: If you have a boy...
[She hands Gale another card.]
Gale: Satchel?
Bessie: He played baseball. Bodie swore Mitch would love it.
[Ladies laugh]
[Scene: Dawson's old Tree fort. Mitch and Dawson are sitting in it together.]
Mitch: Here we go.
[He hands Dawson a cigar.]
Dawson: [Laughs]
Mitch: What?
Dawson: [Laughs] Sorry. I don't picture you as a stogie-smoking kind of dad.
Mitch: Well, evidently, it's what you're supposed to do at a time like this.
Dawson: According to who, Larry Flynt?
Mitch: According to Mr. Kasdan. It was his gift. I told him I'd do this with you. I did not, however, promise him that we would actually light these deadly things.
[Ladies laugh]
Dawson: So, you think any of the names they're kickin' around down there'll stick?
Mitch: I wonder if our inability to decide on a name means that we aren't really dealing with what's about to happen in our lives.
Dawson: Yeah, but the good news is, you guys have had a baby before, so you know what to expect, right?
Mitch: Want to know the truth? Having a newborn in your life is pure, unadulterated hell.
Dawson: It can't be that bad.
Mitch: Oh, but it is, unless you have a breast. A man doesn't really love a baby the way a woman does-- not at first. A man loves the idea of a baby.
Dawson: That changes, right?
Mitch: One night, you're standing in a dark room, exhausted, reaching for diapers and answers on a shelf you can't see, and this little person calls out to you. "Daddy." That's when you get it. You feel your heart expand in a way you never knew was possible, and you love this little person so much... that you actually ache. I can't explain it any better.
Dawson: I think the reason you guys are waiting is because you don't want to just slap a name on this idea. I think you want to get a sense of who this new member of our family is, and I think when you meet him, you'll know.
Mitch: You're a pretty smart kid, Dawson.
Dawson: Ha ha ha!
[Scene: The Shower. The women are still trying to figure out a name.]
Jen: If I were to have a girl, I think I'd name her Emma. And for a boy, maybe Jackson? Jackson Pollock. Made a beautiful mess.
[Ladies laugh]
Gretchen: My favorite boys' name--Kurt.
Gale: Strong name.
Gretchen: For Kurt Donald Cobain.
[Ladies laugh]
Gretchen: And my favorite girls' name-- Isabella, after a story that my grandmother used to tell me when I was a little girl.
Grams: There are many flowers in the garden, but the most beautiful will always be rose.
Gale: Rose Leery.
Grams: And for a boy, Thomas, for someone I knew a long time ago.
[She looks over to Jen show smiles back at her.]
[Scene: The Tree Fort. Dawson and Mitch are still sitting there talking.]
Dawson: Gretchen's probably gonna take a job in Boston.
Mitch: You think it's a reaction to you getting into USC? A way of protecting herself?
Dawson: I don't know. I mean, I never expected her to follow me to California, and it's a great opportunity. I'm really happy for her, but
Mitch: Well, just remember, a couple years ago, your mother and I got a divorce. Now we're more in love than ever.
Dawson: So you're saying maybe even if we break up, we're still destined to be together?
Mitch: I'm saying you have to follow your own path, because with everything else in this life, you just never know. Look at you and Joey.
Dawson: Heh.
[Scene: The shower. Joey stands up and walks over to Gale holding a small box.]
Joey: Well, I was up all night last night, and I couldn't think of a name, but I brought you this instead. I think it embodies everything that a name should. It used to belong to Dawson, and, at some point, I'm sure his little brother or sister will like to wear it. It's getting harder to tell what's right anymore, so I hope you like it.
[Gale opens the box to see the necklace that Dawson gave to her.]
Gale: Well, of course it's ok, honey. Thank you. I'm sure Dawson will be as touched as I am. And thank all of you. You have given me so much to think about during this labor instead of my contractions.
Jen: Well, you can be thankful that you're not gonna be delivering the baby in the middle of a hurricane.
Grams: Let's hope not.
Bessie: As bad as that was, it wasn't near as difficult as what I saw my mother go through.
Gale: Lillian was an amazing woman. I loved her so much.
Bessie: 34 hours after her water broke, the baby still hadn't appeared.
Jen: So, what made you finally decide to come out and make your grand entrance?
Bessie: My mother started calling out her name-- "Josephine! Josephine! Everyone's waiting to meet you," and there she was. This mass of wet, chocolate hair, these curious, saucer eyes, and a pout we all know way too well.
[Joey is disturbed and turns, leaves the group and heads to the house, and Bessie gets up and follows after her.]
Joey: Excuse me.
[Scene: Tobey's House. Jack walks up to the door and begins knocking on it. Tobey comes to the door but doesn't open it.]
Tobey: Go away.
Jack: You all right?
Tobey: I've got the flu.
Jack: You don't sound sick.
Tobey: [Coughs] It's bad. I'm highly contagious. Go away.
Jack: I just had the flu.
Tobey: This is a different strain--strain "D." You haven't had this. [Coughs]
Jack: Come on, Tobey. Open up. Come on, man.
[Tobey opens the door, and he has a black eye, and several cuts on his face, and is on crutches.]
Jack: Some flu.
Tobey: Yeah. Don't freak. It only hurts when I blink.
Jack: What happened?
Tobey: I had a divergence of opinion on how a couple of local entrepreneurs should pay for their crack, and I lost the dispute.
Jack: So you got mugged.
Tobey: Yeah. Now, look, if you'll excuse me, my ice pack is thawing.
Jack: Heh. Did you report it?
Tobey: Look, it was a mugging. They got 12 bucks. It's not worth the trouble.
Jack: Come on.
Tobey: I don't want to talk about it.
Jack: It'll take 10 minutes. We just go to the cops
Tobey: what am I gonna tell 'em? That I frighten some people, so they beat the crap out of me? Just go home, Jack.
Jack: Whoa, whoa. Tobe--Tobey!
[Door Slam]
[Scene: The Leery Porch. Joey walks into it and Bessie follows right behind her.]
Bessie: What is going on with you?
Joey: Is it suddenly inappropriate or immoral to get a little emotional at a baby shower?
Bessie: You're more than emotional. You're neurotic. You're obsessed with finding your boyfriend. You're creeped out being here. Every time gale looks at you, you look the other way. If I didn't know you weren't having s*x, I'D... [Joey turns away from her.] Joey.
Joey: Can you just leave me alone?
Bessie: Are you pregnant?
[Joey just turns away from her with tears in her eyes.]
Joey: What are you talking about?
Bessie: I can't believe this. What happened?
Joey: I'm not having this conversation with you.
Bessie: Hey, you better watch it, because if something is wrong, you're gonna need me.
Joey: Why, so I can sit through another series of endless lectures?
Bessie: So you can straighten out your life.
Joey: Oh, and have one more like yours.
Bessie: [Laughs] You think you're better than me? Look at you. You're just like mom. You're just like me.
Joey: No, I'm not, because I assure you, Bessie, that no matter what happens, my life will be different.
Bessie: You said that right, because at least I have someone in my life who knows how to take care himself, not to mention a family. Do you?
[Gale and the others come onto the porch.]
Gale: Somebody get my Jacket!
Grams: Got it.
Bessie: What's going on?
Grams: Gale is in labor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The hospital. Dawson, Mitch, Gretchen and Gale are coming down the hall. Gale in a wheel chair.]
Dawson: Well, I got to hand it to you, mom. That is the fastest way to end a party and clear out the house I've ever seen.
Gretchen: Going into labor. I'll have to remember that one.
Doctor: How are you feeling, gale?
Gale: I want drugs.
Mitch: So do I.
Doctor: We'll see what we can do.
[Mitch, Gale and the Doctor all go into the room, leaving Dawson and Gretchen outside to wait.]
[Scene: Outside Gram's House on the swinging bench. Jen is sitting doing some knitting when Jack comes up to join her.]
Jen: Howdy, stranger.
Jack: What, are you churning butter now, too?
Jen: [Laughs] Grams has the needles working in overdrive for gale's baby. There's something kind of meditative and therapeutic about it, too. So, what brings you to these parts?
Jack: [Sighs] Just wandering. That's what people do in these kinds of towns. They just wander over to their friends' homes and...ponder their trivial problems.
Jen: [Laughs] Tell me tales of your trivial woes.
Jack: Woe is Tobey.
Jen: That boy is in love.
Jack: That boy is on crutches.
Jen: Crutches? Seriously? What happened?
Jack: He says he got robbed. You know, if I got robbed, I'd be furious. I'd want to report it, I'd want to do something.
Jen: Yeah, me, too.
Jack: Well, he just wants to be left alone. I think he got attacked 'cause he's gay.
Jen: Oh, god.
Jack: You think I'm being paranoid?
Jen: No. No. Paranoid is healthy. Trust me.
Jack: He was the guy on top of the soap box when we first met him. He was carrying on about taking action.
Jen: So what are you gonna do?
Jack: I--I don't know. I mean, I tried to talk to him. He doesn't want any help.
Jen: What, and you're just gonna leave it at that?
Jack: Yeah. What do you want me to do? I mean, it's really none of my business.
Jen: Jack... if I got attacked, what would you do?
Jack: That's not the same thing.
Jen: No, the only difference is that in this case, you're exactly like the victim.
[Scene: Outside the Hospital room. Dawson and Gretchen are getting some antacid from the desk, then walk back to the room.]
Dawson: For my dad. He's nervous about bringing a newborn into his life.
Gretchen: [Laughs] Well, it changes everything. Consistently putting somebody else's wants and needs before your own. I think that's what finally makes us a grownup.
Dawson: Wonder what that says about us.
Gretchen: I think we consider each other's needs, Dawson.
Dawson: Yeah, up to a point. And then, you know, we have to think about ourselves.
Gretchen: Do you think it should be different at this time in our lives?
Dawson: I... I--I don't know. All I know is that there's this stupid part of me that just wants to beg you to come with me.
Gretchen: And the other part of you?
Dawson: The other part of me is smarter... and knows that you have to let people go.
Gretchen: The timing sucks. I mean, it just sucks.
Dawson: Can I ask you something? Maybe I'm misinterpreting things, but I really thought you wanted to sleep with me. Something seemed to change your mind that night on the beach.
Gretchen: It just wasn't the right time.
Dawson: Is there ever gonna be a right time?
Gretchen: Dawson, if I go to Boston and you go to L.A... getting closer is just gonna make things more painful.
Dawson: What made you decide to apply for a job in Boston?
Gretchen: You're leaving... and I am so unbelievably happy for you, but-- look, I can't take that next step, open myself up like that just to be left. I just can't do that. You know, I've gotta get on with my own life.
[Mitch walks out of the room.]
Mitch: It's not happening. Not today. False alarm.
Dawson: Oh...
[Dawson hands him the antacid.]
Mitch: Here Honey, this should help a bit.
[Scene: Gretchen's House. Joey comes walking up to the door, and Gretchen who is packing some clothes looks up and sees her. She goes and opens the door.]
Joey: Hey, I'm just as surprised as you are. I just-- I didn't really have anywhere else to go.
Gretchen: Well, come in.
[Joey comes in and Gretchen continues to pack.]
Joey: Plan on leaving the country?
Gretchen: Uh, no. Actually, I have an interview for a magazine job in Boston. How are you holding up?
Joey: Well... considering I've turned into this crazy person that I don't even recognize... great. God, I... I can't believe how ill-prepared I am for this. What was I thinking?
Gretchen: You fell in love, you had s*x. I mean, even if you take every precaution, it's bound to change your world completely.
Joey: [Laughs] Could you imagine Pacey with a baby?
Gretchen: [Laughs] You know, it's funny, 'cause I think Pacey would probably like the idea of a baby. I mean, he's great with kids, attentive to women. The problem with the scenario is that Pacey just can't deal with Pacey.
Joey: I know, and believe me, the last thing I want to do is make his life more difficult, but... [Sighs] I really need him right now, Gretchen.
Gretchen: Have you told Bessie?
Joey: Pretty much. Right after I told her that her life disgusts me.
Gretchen: Look, make amends with your sister, Joey. I mean, being pregnant, whether you choose to stay that way or not, is ultimately about family. And trust me, you're gonna want that support system around you.
Joey: You sound like you're pretty familiar with this situation.
[Gretchen stops packing for a minute.]
Gretchen: Last year, in college... I miscarried.
Joey: I'm sorry.
Gretchen: [Sighs] That's why I came back here. To deal with everything. Everything that you're dealing with now.
Joey: Well, you've been successful. I mean... new boyfriend, maybe a new job. Is Dawson gonna go to Boston with you?
Gretchen: No, Dawson and I are in very different places in our lives.
Joey: Gretchen, you do know that Dawson would lasso the moon for you, right?
Gretchen: I know... but how can I let someone do that when he's about to leave?
Joey: You don't shut him out of your life. And you cherish that big part of him that he always wants you to have. No matter what happens... you never forget him.
[Scene: The Leery Living room. Dawson and Mitch are sitting in front of the TV going through the TIVO recordings.]
Mitch: Who wants to watch Andrew dice clay?
Dawson: I deleted a bunch of sappy date movies. Now it thinks I'm a misogynistic cynic.
Gale: Oh, Mitch, the contractions are getting stronger. This is it. It's definitely time.
Mitch: Honey, don't you think you ought to wait a while? Just till you're positive.
Gale: Oh, I am quite positive. Aah!
[Mitch ignores her.]
Mitch: How about reservoir dogs?
Gale: I said it's time.
Mitch: Hey...
Gale: I am going to have a baby. Now, get off the sofa and get your ass in the car!
[Gale grabs his ear and pulls him out of the couch.]
Mitch: That hurts.
Gale: Don't talk to me about pain. Don't.
Mitch: I think she means it this time.
[Scene: Tobey's House. Tobey opens the door to see Jack and an officer outside it.]
Tobey: Was it the "go" or the "away" that tripped you up?
Jack: This is officer Sullivan. He's the youth officer at Capeside.
Sullivan: Nice to meet you.
Tobey: Oh, boy, I knew I shouldn't have ripped that tag off my mattress.
Jack: He's gonna make sure that the right people pay attention to this.
Tobey: Yeah, sure.
Jack: Look, I know you're scared.
Tobey: You don't know anything.
Jack: You have to report this.
Tobey: How dare you come into my house and tell me what I have to do. You're lucky my parents aren't here right now.
Jack: Are they the ones telling you not to talk about this? Because for the life of me, I don't understand why they didn't make you call the cops 2 days ago.
Tobey: Because maybe, like me, all they want to do is forget about what happened. Which grows increasingly difficult every time you show your face here. Now please, just go.
Sullivan: The odds weren't in your favor the other night, Tobey. You know that, right?
Tobey: Excuse me?
Sullivan: Tobey, you're 3 times more likely to be threatened by someone with a weapon than a straight kid. There's a 70% chance of you being harassed, and a 30% chance that someone's gonna... do this to you. Which is why I need for you to talk to me about what happened. Most kids, they don't have the strength. Or they don't get the chance.
Jack: Or have the friends to support them.
Tobey: [Sighs] I was, uh... waiting for the bus on market and 16th when this guy came up next to me. He was tall, uh, black hair. I'd seen him a couple nights before. I--I made some stupid small talk or something about the busses running late. And then I looked him in the eyes... and smiled at him. I guess I shouldn't have done that or something, because he yelled "faggot" at me or something, and then... before I knew it, there was somebody else. Uh, a friend of his or something came out of nowhere. And one held me while the other one just started wailing on me. Punching me in the face, kicking me... and then at some point I just fell to the ground.
Sullivan: This isn't your fault.
Tobey: All I did was smile at him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Hospital. Mitch is sitting outside the room, when Dawson comes walking up to him.]
Dawson: I now know way too much about the hospital parking attendant's life.
Mitch: Your mother's been in hard labor all night.
Dawson: How's she doing?
Mitch: I don't know. Quite frankly, that worries me. There's a lot of whispering going on over there.
Dawson: Tell them you want to know.
Mitch: Been there. All I get is "relax, Mr. Leery. Help your wife focus on her breathing."
[Gales screams from the room.]
Gale: Aah! Mitch! Mitch get in here! Hurry!
Mitch: [Sighs] I'm glad you're here.
[Scene: The Potter B&B. It is just after dawn, when Joey comes into it and finds Bessie sitting at the table.]
Joey: What are you doing up?
Bessie: I get up at dawn every morning. It's the only time I have to myself.
Joey: I spent the night at Gretchen's.
Bessie: Do you know I once climbed into your crib and pushed you out?
Joey: Did you drop me on my head? Because that would explain a lot.
Bessie: Before you came along, mom and I had a good thing going. I hated you.
Joey: You hated me 'cause you were jealous. You hated me because I was taking your mom away, but... mostly you hated me because you knew you'd always have to take care of me.
Bessie: I really did want your life to be better than mine.
Joey: Bessie, you went first. You took on the full brunt of this storm. And you didn't do what others would have. You didn't run, you didn't cower, you created this warm, loving, safe place. And you raised a baby and a little sister. I hope I would have the strength and courage to... create a life for myself that's even remotely like yours.
Bessie: I just want you to know I love you and I'm here for you if--if you want me.
[She hands Joey an Early Pregnancy Test]
[Alexander cries]
Bessie: Another day.
[Joey just cries in her hands]
[Scene: Tobey's House. Tobey opens the door to find Jack standing outside.]
Tobey: Oh, what now? Oprah?
Jack: You didn't think I was going to tutoring without you?
Tobey: Uh, if you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly presentable.
Jack: Well, then, we'll tell 'em you fell off your skateboard.
Tobey: They're kids, Jack. Not imbeciles.
Jack: Fine. Then we'll tell 'em you fell off your high horse. Whatever. You're not gonna sit around the house all day. Get your coat.
Tobey: What is this? A couple of months ago, you were all about not getting involved, and suddenly you're some big homo activist?
Jack: Maybe I'm just a Tobey activist.
[Tobey grabs his coat and comes outside and closes the door.]
Tobey: [Laughs] Oh, as much as my ego would like to buy that attractive piece of merchandise, somehow it doesn't quite fit. What's happened to you, Jack?
Jack: It's more like what's gonna happen. Someday, I'm gonna want to walk through the park and I'm gonna want to hold some guy's hand and... what if I forget to look around first? What if the wrong people see me do that?
Tobey: We're not so different, you and I.
Jack: I used to think that we were, but we're not. If I would have left early, it would have been me.
Tobey: And you're just now realizing this?
Jack: Yeah. Better late than never.
Tobey: Yeah, and better on time than late.
Jack: [Laughs] Come on, man. It's way too early in the day for one of your lectures.
Tobey: Ow! You know, if you were really a Tobey activist, you would have carried me down the steps.
Jack: Yeah, don't push your luck, man.
[Scene: The Potter B&B Bathroom. Joey is watching her watch, and then picks up the Pregnancy Test and turns it over to find out that she isn't pregnant. She lets out a huge sigh of relief]
[Scene: The Hospital. Dawson is sitting outside the room, when Grams, Jen, Joey and Bessie comes up to join him.]
Grams: How is she?
Dawson: Uh... [Sighs] She's been in there all night and all day and I'm-- I'm starting to get the impression things aren't progressing the way they're supposed to.
Bessie: It can be a long process, Dawson. Yeah, I'm sure she'll be fine.
[Some nurses walk into the room, and Dawson tries to stop one.]
Dawson: Hey, um, is... [Sighs] Excuse me.
[He walks away, and Joey goes after him]
Joey: Dawson.
Dawson: [Laughs] A couple of weeks ago, I'm wandering through these halls, praying for somebody to die. And now here I am, same halls, praying for somebody to be born. Is it just me, or did life suddenly broaden this year?
Joey: It's not just you. I... think the stakes have been raised for everyone.
Dawson: Have you and Pacey talked about him being near Worthington next year?
Joey: [Laughs] Uh, Pacey and I haven't really discussed the future too much lately.
Dawson: You should. It has a peculiar way of unexpectedly becoming the present.
Joey: Dawson, Gretchen is crazy about you. She told me last night.
Dawson: Then you probably also know that she's on a train right now for Boston where she's probably gonna be living.
Joey: And you're absolutely certain that there's no way to bridge the gap?
Dawson: [Sighs] I was hoping that there would be, but I... don't think that's gonna happen.
Joey: Dawson... it's not what I thought it was gonna be.
Dawson: What's that?
Joey: s*x. Isn't that what you're talking about?
Dawson: [Laughs] Jo...
Joey: I want you to know something. s*x doesn't necessarily bring people closer together. It's just a magnifying glass. I mean, if there's a problem, it gets bigger. And if there's closeness... you get closer. As far as you and Gretchen are concerned, I mean... you guys are probably a lot closer than a lot of people who are having s*x.
[The doctor comes out to them]
Doctor: Someone wants to meet you, Dawson.
Dawson: Really?
Doctor: Mm-hmm.
[They go into the room]
[Scene: Inside the room. Gale is holding the new baby, while Mitch stands next to her. Dawson, Bessie, Joey, Grams and Jen come into the room to join them.]
Mitch: Isn't she just gorgeous? Isn't she perfect?
Dawson: She?
Mitch: You have a sister, Dawson. I have daughter.
Dawson: She's so small.
Jen: She's so beautiful.
Bessie: Congratulations.
Grams: I see both of you in her.
Gale: [Giggles] She wasn't sure she wanted to join us today. You know, it took a lot of coaxing.
Jen: How did you finally get her to change her mind?
Gale: Oh, I just started calling out her name. "Lillian, Lillian. Everyone's waiting to meet you." And there she was.
Joey: Lillian.
[Joey turns to Bessie and smiles. Realizing that they named her after their mother.]
Gale: Honey, do you want to hold her?
[Lillian coughs]
Dawson: Oh, yeah.
[Dawson picks her up.]
Gale: [Whispering] There we go. There we go.
Dawson: Hello, Lillian. I'm Dawson... your big brother. [Laughs] Welcome to our family. You couldn't have picked a better one.
[Joey goes over and admires Lillian as Dawson is holding her.]
[Scene: The Potter B&B. The phone rings and Joey answers it.]
Joey: Hello.
[It is Pacey calling from his fishing trip.]
Pacey: Hey, Gretchen told me I had to call immediately. What's wrong?
Joey: Actually, nothing. I thought I had a huge problem, but, um... I was wrong.
Pacey: Well, what kind of problem did you think you had?
Joey: It's nothing that you should worry about. The important thing is that you focus on yourself. Where are you?
[Pacey pauses then uncomfortably answers, but we can see he is hiding something.]
Pacey: I told you, I'm fishing with Dougie. We're having the time of our lives out here. Caught a 90-pound marlin yesterday. We're living the high life, Jo. The high life. You and I got to get out here some time.
Joey: Yeah, we will. We'll have to do that real soon.
Pacey: Yeah. I miss you.
Joey: I miss you, Pace.
[They hang up after a period of silence]
[Scene: Outside the Leery House. Gretchen is sitting on the hood of her car, waiting for Dawson, who pulls up to the house. She hops down and walks over to him.]
Dawson: I thought you had a train to catch.
Gretchen: You know the best thing about trains? There's always a later one.
[Dawson walks over and gives her a big kiss.]
Dawson: [Laughs] This is crazy.
Gretchen Insane.
Dawson: What are we doing?
Gretchen: Prolonging the inevitable. Living in denial.
Dawson: Who knew denial could feel this good?
Gretchen: You know there's no hope for us.
Dawson: How could there be? We're headed in completely different directions.
Gretchen: We might as well be going to 2 different planets.
Dawson: We should really break up right now. Just get it over with.
Gretchen: I agree. I never want to see you again.
[Throughout all this endless banter they get close and closer to each other, then kiss.] | Plan: A: Gail's delivery date; Q: What event is the reason for the baby shower? A: a baby shower; Q: What do the women in Gail's life throw for her? A: Joey; Q: Who discovers Gail might be pregnant? A: a loop; Q: What does Joey go through when she finds out she might be pregnant? A: Pacey; Q: Who is missing from the baby shower? A: his new sibling; Q: What does Dawson await the arrival of? A: Gretchen; Q: Who does Dawson wonder about his future with? A: an unexpected situation; Q: What does Jack face when he learns that Toby has been the victim of a violent crime? Summary: As Gail's delivery date approaches, the women in her life throw a baby shower for her, but it is an experience that throws Joey through a loop when she discovers she might be pregnant. Pacey is nowhere to be found. While Dawson awaits the arrival of his new sibling, he and Gretchen wonder what their future holds. Meanwhile, Jack faces an unexpected situation when he learns that Toby has fallen victim to a violent crime. |
Series Finale (Part 2 of 2)
[Scene: The hallway outside Jen's Hospital room. Jack comes out to join Pacey, Joey, Dawson and Grams. They are all worriedly pacing and waiting.]
Jack: Ok, here's the deal. She knows that you know, but she's got a few requests. No maudlin soap opera theatrics. She wants the room drama-free and full of laughter. No tears. In fact, she's instructed me to bar anyone from the hospital that cries.
Joey: I can't promise that.
Dawson: Who could?
Jack: Then you leave. Jen's rules.
Grams: It's what she wants, children. Just do the best you can.
Dawson: Do we all go in together?
Jack: Uh, not at first. I think we should ease into this. So why don't we try one at a time?
Joey: This isn't happening. I can't believe this is happening.
Jack: Who wants to go first?
[No body jumps at the opportunity, and finally Pacey speaks up.]
Pacey: [Chuckles] Send in the clown, huh?
[Scene: Jen's Hospital room. Pacey knocks on the door and pokes his head inside and sees Jen sitting up on the bed. He goes in and walks over to the bed.]
[Knock on door]
Jen: So. So they sent you in first.
Pacey: Yeah, I'm the opening act.
Jen: Well, you can start off by wiping that fake smile off your face. Say something, Pacey.
Pacey: Well, Jack tells me you're dying. But other than that, everything's ok, right?
Jen: [Laughs] Thank you. Come here.
[He goes over and gives her some flowers.]
Pacey: These are for you.
Jen: Oh, thank you. They're beautiful.
[Scene: The waiting room. Jen, Grams, Joey and Dawson are sitting out there waiting for their turn to talk to Jen.]
Joey: Are they sure? I mean, if it's her heart, can't she have a transplant?
Grams: She'll never make the donor list, and with her lungs failing...
[Jack looks up and sees Doug walk in carrying a bunch of flowers.]
Doug: Hey.
Jack: Hey.
Doug: I, uh, I got these for Jen. Will you tell her that I came by?
Jack: I will.
[Pacey comes out and walks over to join them.]
Pacey: The lady will see you now.
[Scene: Jen's Hospital room. Dawson, Joey and Pacey come walking into the room, and Pacey makes is way over and sits on the end of the bed.]
Dawson: Hey there.
Jen: Hi.
Joey: How you doing?
Pacey: What's wrong with these guys?
Jen: I don't know. What's wrong, guys? Is someone dying or something?
Joey: It's not funny.
Pacey: On the contrary, it's fatally funny.
Jen: I could die laughing.
Pacey: [Laughs]
[Joey looks at the too of them like they are crazy.]
Joey: Stop it.
Jen: Come on, guys. It's funny, ok? It has to be. It has to be funny. Otherwise, I'm gonna get angry and bitter, and I don't want to.
Pacey: She gets very crabby on her deathbed.
[Scene: The Potter B&B. Joey is sitting at the table, when Bessie walks into the room. ]
Bessie: How is she?
Joey: More brave than she'll ever know.
Bessie: I'm just on my way over there now. Can you keep an eye on Alexander?
Joey: Yeah.
[Cell phone rings]
Bessie: You're avoiding.
Joey: No, I'm not.
Bessie: You mean that wasn't Christopher?
Joey: Yes, it was him. Every time the phone rings, it's him.
Bessie: I still think you owe it to that boy to call him up and tell him you've been avoiding his calls because you're too chicken to tell him it's over.
Joey: I'm not too chicken to tell him that it's over. I'm just-- I'm not sure if it's over.
Bessie: You're still in love with your ex-boyfriend.
Joey: I am not still in love with my ex-boyfriend.
Bessie: No, you're still in love with your ex-boyfriends, plural.
Joey: Bessie, that is ridiculous.
Bessie: Come on, dial the number. I'll hold your hand. Go.
[Bessie hands Joey the phone.]
Joey: I hate you.
Bessie: You're welcome.
[Scene: The New Icehouse. Joey comes walking up to the place just as Pacey is closing up, and he turns and sees her before locking the door.]
Pacey: Hi.
Joey: Hey. I was walking around in a fog and... realized I hadn't eaten today.
Pacey: Well, you've come to the right place.
[Cut to inside the kitchen. Pacey is cooking some food while Joey is sitting on the counter next to him]
Pacey: Mmm. Try that.
Joey: Mmm.
Pacey: Yeah?
Joey: Yep. No suit and tie for you. This is definitely your calling.
Pacey: The man in the apron who's rooted-- who's cemented into Capeside.
Joey: Pace, what's with the life ennui?
Pacey: Well, come on, Dawson went off and conquered Hollywood, you ran away to Paris and New York, and I...
Joey: Well, I didn't run. I flew--coach.
Pacey: [Laughs] Regardless. I left this town for, what, a total of 2 years in my entire life?
Joey: Yeah, but, Pacey, you have a restaurant. It's what you love.
Pacey: Why couldn't I have a restaurant in Hollywood or New York?
Joey: Pacey, don't be so hard on yourself. I mean, I know that with everything that's going on right now, it's hard not to be, but...come on. You've really got it going on. You have a great life here.
Pacey: Yeah.
[Slides knife across cutting board]
Pacey: I just wish that I could feel that.
Joey: You don't?
Pacey: Well, I didn't... until you came breezing through my door again.
Joey: Uh-oh.
Pacey: [Laughs] There's no need to bolt. I'm just saying thank you. You reminded me of what I'm capable of feeling. It's like I was... walking around seeing my life through a smudged window, and then I saw you and the smudges were gone. The window was clean.
Joey: Eloquent.
Pacey: Well, I try.
[She throws some noodles at him.]
Pacey: Hey! Hey!
[He throws noodles back at her and a big food fight begins]
Pacey: In my-- in my kitchen, I'm the only one who throws anything. I want you to think very carefully about the next thing that you do.
[She eats some noodles]
Joey: [Humming]
Pacey: [Chuckles]
[They get close almost ready to kiss
Pacey: And here we are again. What is it between the two of us?
Joey: Are you bringing us down? Because you know what? I have enough frequent flyer miles to get a nonstop out of here.
Pacey: Really? I'd hate for you to do that. You know, I would never bring you down, because I just want you to be
[He grabs some noodle and throws them down her shirt.]
Joey: [Gasps]
Pacey: What are you gonna eat? That's your dinner.
Joey: Pacey, is this ok? Should we be laughing like this?
Pacey: I would say at a time like this, yes, now more than ever
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Jen's hospital room. Jen is lying there in bed, talking to Joey who is walking around the bed and takes a seat in a chair next to Jen's bed and is helping her put on some makeup.]
Jen: So, what, so that was it? So no begging and pleading?
Joey: Well, there was a lot of pausing and heavy silence, and he did his whole "uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh thing."
Jen: No big...suicidal "I can't live without you" speech? I mean, I thought that this guy was a brooding writer.
Joey: He mumbled something about "love is so short, forgetting is so long."
Jen: Oh, my god. That's beautiful.
Joey: He stole it. Pablo Neruda, 20 love poems and a song of despair, published in hardback, 1924.
Jen: Joey, Joey, Joey. What am I going to do with you? You're constantly getting into these situations where you jump in with your heart, and then you have to jump out with your head. Your heart and your head have just been in constant conflict with each other.
Joey: Well, that's because there's nothing else to be conflicted about. I am all out of conflict. I have been for years.
Jen: Well, if you ever want to be reminded of it, you can just watch Dawson's show. What about that girl that they cast as me? Ohh. I've often thought about getting a lawyer and suing his ass.
Joey: Well, at least you get to have s*x. All I do is mope around and pine after Petey, then Colby, then Colby, then Petey.
Jen: [Laughs] Well, you never could make a decision.
Joey: You know, that's where he got it all wrong. I mean, the eternal triangle, it's based on actual events. It's not about Sam choosing between Colby and Petey. It never was. It's about... Sam making a decision with herself.
Jen: Can we just use the real names here? There's no need to protect the guilty in this room.
Joey: It's just sad that it took a TV show to make me see it.
Jen: What? See what? I'm incredibly interested in all of this.
Joey: The only decision left is the one that I need to make with myself-- to stop running... once and for all. I mean, I know who I'm supposed to be with. I've always known.
Jen: Really?
Joey: Yeah, but then the fear takes over, the free-floating, anxiety-ridden fear in the pit of my stomach that makes me run. Jen, I am completely comfortable running. I really don't know any other way.
Jen: Maybe I can help. [Clears throat] What if I demand that you make that decision? No more running. I'm going to make it my dying wish. My death will serve a greater purpose. It's your ultimate motivator.
Joey: Jen.
Jen: Hey. Just for the record here, because I feel like I'm a little bit out of the loop on this, who is it that you've always known that you were meant to be with? Is it Colby or is it Petey?
[Knock on door]
Joey: It
[Dawson comes walking into the room with a wheel chair.]
Dawson: hey, Jo. I've come to kidnap Jen, that is, if you're ready.
Jen: Ready and waiting. Get me out of this bed.
[Scene: Outside in the Ruins, which has now become a public park. Dawson is setting up his camera, while Jen is sitting in the wheelchair next to the water. Dawson is uncomfortable, and you can tell he is doing this for Jen.]
Jen: It's beautiful today, isn't it? Mmm. How the sun just affects every breathing thing. I mean, you can really see it.
Dawson: Ok, Mrs. Dalloway.
Jen: [Chuckles] Thank god your humor has returned.
Dawson: You sure you want to do this?
Jen: Absolutely. [Clears throat] You?
Dawson: 100% sure... I don't. But I don't think you're gonna let me out of it, so...
Jen: I'll be quick. I promise. You can turn it on.
[He begins filming]
Jen: Hi, Amy, it's mom. Well, by the time you see this, I won't be here anymore, and I know how much that sucks, for both of us. So seeing as how I won't be around to thoroughly annoy you, I thought I would give you a little list of the things that I wish for you. Well, there's the obvious. An education. Family. Friends. And a life that is full of the unexpected. Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them, because there's no better way to learn and to grow, all right? And, um, I want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean, because the ocean forces you to dream, and I insist that you, my girl, be a dreamer. God. I've never really believed in god. In fact, I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that god exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in god, because the thing that I've come to realize, sweetheart... is that it just doesn't matter if god exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something, because I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always. And then there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers, and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it either. You just be patient, and it'll come to you, I promise, and when you least expect it, like you, like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and the smartest and the most beautiful baby girl in the world. You don't be afraid, sweetheart. And remember, to love is to live.
[Scene: Jen's Hospital room. Jen is sitting in the bed, while Pacey is setting up a VCR, and putting a tape into it.]
Pacey: Dawson still doesn't know I borrowed this.
Jen: You mean stole?
Pacey: No, I mean borrowed. You don't steal from friends.
Jen: When did you borrow this?
Pacey: Uh, in 1998, right after he shot it.
Jen: Oh. Ha ha.
[Slow-tempo rock ballad playing Alanys Morressettes One hand in my pocket.]
[The TV displays the tape which has scenes from the very early episodes, and the full shots used in the opening credits in the first year. Mainly the Initial four of them hanging out and having fun together.]
Jen: Oh, god, we're so gawky.
Pacey: Well... you anyway.
Jen: Yeah. Jet was such a long time ago.
Pacey: [Sighs] Yes, it was.
Jen: I recognize a Joey trance when I see it.
Pacey: [Laughs] It is definitely nice to have her back around again.
Jen: Do you feel the sparks?
Pacey: Well, you can never really deny the sparks between the two of us. When she's around, I just feel more... I feel more alive.
Jen: Mm...
Pacey: I think people underestimate how important that is.
Jen: I think they overestimate it, too. I mean, as much as you want to, you can't rely on someone else to make you feel alive. It's an inside job.
Pacey: True.
Jen: So, do you plan on borrowing her or stealing her from your best friend?
Pacey: Well, I'm hoping that it's a little different now and maybe we've moved beyond that.
Jen: I just want the 3 of you to stay friends... and I hope you stay in touch. Never forget what you mean to each other and the effect that you've had on each other's lives. So friendship can really never be over or underestimated. [Breathes deeply, sniffles] Oh, god, I hate this. I'm so angry. I'm so angry. I don't want to do this. I don't want to... die. I hate this. Remind me to never do it again. It's not funny. I'm losing my sense of humor here, Pace. I don't want to leave my daughter. I don't want to leave her alone.
Pacey: We will not leave your daughter alone I promise you that. Saturday night has me and Amy's name written all over it, ok? We will take care of your baby. I promise you. Oh, my god.
[They Hug]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Ruins. Dawson is sitting in a there alone thinking, when Joey comes over and sits on the bench next to him.]
Joey: Hey.
Dawson: Hey.
Joey: How'd it go?
Dawson: Well, you know that list of hardest things to live through? You just got bumped again. Ah. I'm so out of touch, Jo. I've... I've wasted so much time living in my little Hollywood bubble even now, my mind's on my work. I hate to admit that. Show's calling every 5 seconds. The network wants a script, which I haven't finished yet, because I don't know how. I don't have an ending. I can't even think straight enough to write one.
Joey: Dawson, this is a time of extreme stress.
Dawson: It's not just that. When I saw Jen for the first time the other with Amy my first thought was, when did Jen have a baby? I forgot Jen had a baby. I forgot I knew that. What-- what's wrong with me?
Joey: You cannot feel guilty about that, Dawson. My office is calling every 5 seconds. It's--it's called life, and we just have to deal. Deal with
Dawson: With what, though? It's not Shakespeare. I'm not writing Schindler's list. I don't even know why I care so much. I'm no Spielberg. The guy won't even take a meeting with me. Would he?
Joey: Stop it.
Dawson: She's dying. Jo, she's gonna die, and all I can think about is some frickin' ending to some stupid TV show. I keep thinking there's gonna be time for the rest of it, but it--it--it runs out.
Joey: Yes, it does.
Dawson: Nothing in my life feels real anymore. I've lost touch with my family, my friends, you... and you and me together is the only thing that ever made sense to me, and I forgot that... until I saw you, and then it came back, what we were, and we're not even together.
Joey: Do you not watch the Creek? We're together every Wednesday at 8:00. Dawson, you wrote a show about us.
Dawson: And that's the problem. I've turned my entire life into fiction. It's not even real life that I'm living anymore.
Joey: It is real, in the best way possible. Dawson, do you know how lucky you are? You're a writer. You get to live life twice. Who else can do that?
[Scene: Jen's Hospital room. Jen is sitting on her bed, with Amy in her arms, looking over a paper, while Jack is sitting in a chair next ot her bed looking over some papers of his own.]
Jen: I like this one. Definitely an "A."
Jack: Oh, yeah. I thought it was a little pedestrian, rushed. I think, uh, Cynthia here is capable of much more.
Jen: Oh, gosh. Well, we're all capable of more, Jack.
Jack: Hey, you want to sit? You want to go in your chair?
Jen: Yeah, thanks.
[Jack picks Amy up and puts her in her child seat]
Jen: Hey.
Jack: Wanna go in your thingy? Here.
Amy: Mama.
Jack: Ohh. Speaking of capability... can I bring up the as yet unspoken subject of Amy here?
Jen: Bad segue, English teacher. I think you can do better.
Jack: Jen, come on. This is tough.
Jen: I don't want you to feel pressure, Jack.
Jack: I am her godfather.
Jen: I think that when most people sign up for godparent duties, they don't imagine that it could ever extend beyond a few baby-sits.
Jack: Jen, I want her. I want her, but I don't know what you and Grams have discussed.
Jen: Grams is aware of the reality of the situation, with her health and all... and we both think that you would make an excellent father. One request. Can you please help Amy find a place to be? I feel like I never really quite fit.
Jack: Which is why we're us.
Jen: I know. I mean, from the second that I stepped out of that cab and onto the creek, I--I was the instigator, you know? The girl who caused problems and rocked the creek and upset the delicate emotional balance of Capeside, and--and I don't want Amy to be that person. I want her to belong. I feel like I never really did.
Jack: Jen, you belong. You belong to me. Don't you get it? [Sniffles] You're my soul mate.
[Tears flow from the both of them]
Jack: Amy's gonna know love. Every day of her life, she is gonna know how much her mother loved her. I'm gonna see to that. Ok?
[Scene: The hospital waiting Room. Joey and Pacey are sitting together waiting. Joey is resting her head on Pacey's shoulder, and they are holding hands. Else where Gale and Dawson are sitting together watching Lily and Alexander color in coloring books. Elsewhere Grams and Amy are playing with a toy. Bessie comes walking over with some food. We keep cutting to later times with all of them passing the time together.]
[Scene: Jen's hospital room. Grams is sleeping in a chair in Jen's room. Jen looks over at her, and smiles, and then slowly rolls her head back and slowly closer her eyes. Grams wakes up and goes over and realizes that she has passed away. Grams looks peacefully at Jen, and kisses her on the forehead. A look of sadness mixed with relief crosses her face.]
Grams: I'll see you soon, child. Soon.
[Commercial Break ]
[Scene: The New Icehouse. The Funeral gathering is there, and the place is packed with the grievers. Cut from scene to scene of all the cast trying to console one another. We see Jack and Amy at one table playing together, and slowly pan to Pacey and Doug sitting together, and Doug is watching them.]
Pacey: You should go talk to him.
Doug: [Clears throat] Now's not the time.
Pacey: Ok, fair enough. Just remember that saying's not worth much today.
[Pacey leaves Doug and goes over to join Amy, Jack and Grams.]
Pacey: Hey.
[Scene: Ice House Kitchen. Pacey goes in to the kitchen and sees Joey looking around]
Pacey: Hey.
Joey: I'm looking for some serving spoons.
Pacey: They're in the bin at the end.
Joey: Well, how you doing? You ok?
Pacey: Yeah. Yeah, I really am ok.
Joey: What's going on in that head of yours?
Pacey: You're off the hook.
Joey: What?
Pacey: You're off the hook. I've never really put much faith in all that "if you love someone, set them free" crap, as evidenced by everything I've done in my life up to this very moment, but I am determined to be happy, Joey. Happy in this life. And I love you. I mean, I always-- I have always, always loved you. But our timing has just never been right. And the way I figure it, time is no man's friend. So I have to get right with that and be happy, now. Because this is it. I mean, this is all that we get. If there's one thing I've learned from losing Jen, that's what I've learned.
Joey: Pacey, I
Pacey: Actually, um, hold on. I'm not done yet. Because I also want for you to be happy. It's really important for me that you be happy. So I want you to be with someone, whether it be Dawson or New York guy or some man that you haven't even met yet. But I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself. I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. So, I guess the point to this long run-on sentence that's been the last 10 years of our lives is just that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So you're off the hook.
Joey: You know, for the record, I-- [Sniffles] I don't want to be let off the hook. Because everything in my life that I've done has led me here... right now, and the last thing I want, need, or deserve is to be let off somebody's hook.
Pacey: Please don't miss my point here 'cause
Joey: And don't miss mine. Pacey... I love you. You know that. And it's very real. It's so real that it's kept me moving, mostly running from it, never ready for it. And I love Dawson. He's my soul mate. He's tied to my childhood, and it's a love that is pure and eternally innocent. I can't be let off the hook because I might just get the notion that it's ok to keep running.
Pacey: So then, what exactly are you saying here?
[Gales comes in and interrupts them]
Gale: Oh, Pacey, there you are. Um, we need plates.
[Pacey hands her some plates]
Gale: You are so sweet to open up your place like this. I love you both.
[Gale leaves them alone again]
Pacey: Ok, uh... I think you were maybe just about to say something really important.
Joey: Pacey... I realize...
[Bessie comes in this time and interrupts them.]
Bessie: Joey, give me a hand. Here, grab this tray. Here.
[Bessie hands Joey a tray of food.]
Bessie: How you doing, Pacey?
Pacey: I'm good, Bess. I'm good, thanks.
[Scene: The beach front Jack is sitting in the sand staring out into the water alone, when Doug comes walking over to join him.]
Doug: Grams said you were here. Just thinking?
Jack: Capeside's favorite pastime.
Doug: What about?
Jack: Moving.
Doug: Moving? Where?
Jack: I don't know. Boston, New York.
Doug: Why?
Jack: Amy.
Doug: Jack, you can't do that.
Jack: Yes, I can. How many gay parents do you know in Capeside?
Doug: So? How many gay teachers were there before you came back? How many gay sheriffs are there, for that matter?
Jack: Last time I checked, none. I'm tired of being first, Doug. Half my life has been about re-educating this community. What do I have to show for it?
Doug: You think there are prizes for inspiring people?
Jack: I don't want to inspire people anymore. All I want to do is give Amy a normal existence, and she's not gonna get that here. She's gonna have the same childhood that I did. Only instead of being the only gay kid, she's gonna be the only kid with a gay parent. I don't want that.
Doug: You're gonna be a gay parent no matter where you are. And, yeah, Amy is gonna face rejection. That's what it means to be a teenager.
Jack: I just want to be a good parent, Doug. I have to be.
Doug: Hey... Jack... being a good parent means knowing that your child is bound to fall down. You just have to show 'em how to get back up.
Jack: What do you know about parenting?
Doug: Not much. I'm hoping to learn quickly.
Jack: That's a sweet gesture, but, no, thank you.
Doug: It's not a gesture.
Jack: Yes, it is. With everything that we've been through, I'll be damned if we're gonna get back together over your sense of... obligation, or worse, pity.
Doug: Screw pity. I love you. I love you, Jack. I love that you're the bravest person I know... the kindest. I love that no matter what you do, your life is gonna stand out. I want to stand out with you... and your daughter. [Sighs] If you'll let me.
[Doug kisses Jack, and an elderly couple come walking down the beach and notice them, and Jack stops Doug for a minute.]
Jack: Uh...
Doug: What?
Jack: It's the Dudleys. Right there.
Doug: Evening, Mr. And Mrs. Dudley. I was just, uh... kissing my boyfriend.
Jack: That's sweet, dear.
[Both laughing]
Dawson: Hey.
Joey: How ya doing?
Dawson: Surviving. You?
Joey: It's been a long day.
Dawson: Yeah.
Joey: Are you writing?
Dawson: No. The curse of an unwritten ending.
Joey: Oh. Make it a happy one, please. I can't take any more sad ones. Stay away from the life and death of it all.
Dawson: It's interesting how people use that expression-- life and death. As if to imply that life is the opposite of death, but birth is the opposite of death. Life... has no opposite.
Joey: I never thought of it that way.
Dawson: Well, leave it to me to over think it.
Joey: You are the writer.
Dawson: Yeah. This writer has decided it doesn't matter how it ends... because fiction is fiction, and for the first time, in a long time... [Sighs] My life is real. It doesn't matter who ends up with who. Because in some unearthly way... it's always gonna be you and me.
Joey: Soul mates.
Dawson: What we have goes beyond friendship, beyond lovers. It's forever.
Joey: [Softly] Yes, it is. I love you, Dawson.
Dawson: I love you, too, Joey.
[The hear giggling and they turn around to see Lilly up in Dawson's room, and Alexander at the bottom of the ladder.]
Lily: Come on, Alexander! Come on! Only a few more steps! You can do it!
Joey: [Laughs] You and me, always.
Dawson: Always.
[Scene: The set of Colby's Room. Colby and Sam are acting out the final scene from the season one finale where Joey and Dawson kiss in his room at the final scene.]
Sam: I can't take it anymore, Colby. I don't want to wait for my life to be over. I want to know right now. What will it be?
[They kiss]
Colby: You and me. Always.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. The camera pulls off of the camera over to Joey who turns off the TV after seeing Executive Producer Dawson Leery]
Joey: That was perfect. Absolutely perfect.
[The camera pans out, and we see Pacey sitting there next to her. She looks over and there is a tear in his eye.]
Joey: Are those tears? Are you crying?
Pacey: [Sighs] He got me. He got me.
Joey: [Laughs] Let's call him.
[Scene: Dawson's Office. Dawson is sitting at his desk looking over some paperwork, when his assistant walks in carrying a clip board. You can tell it is late and no one else is around.]
Assistant: [Sighs] Well, I'm taking off. You should get out of here, too. You have a meeting first thing in the A.M.
Dawson: Got it.
[Telephone rings]
Dawson: No, no, no. Get out of here.
Assistant: Thanks.
[Dawson answers the phone]
Dawson: Yeah?
Pacey: Hey, it's us.
Joey: It was great! Fantastic! It was so sweet.
Pacey: You got Joey crying like a baby.
Joey: [Laughs] I can't wait till next season.
Dawson: You'll never guess who I'm meeting tomorrow.
Joey: Spielberg?
Pacey: Spielberg? Get out of town! Who made you a big Hollywood player, man?
Joey: Oh, my god! What are you gonna say? What are you gonna wear?
Dawson: I have no idea.
[Fade to Black for the final time ] | Plan: A: The gang; Q: Who rallies around one of their own as they face a major health concern? Summary: The gang rallies around one of their own as they face a major health concern. |
MUSIC IN:
INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/VAN BACKS INTO THE GARAGE)
(SFX: BEEPING)
TONY: Good God Almighty! Get me out of here. My head is about to explode. That was the longest three hours of my entire frickin' life.
ZIVA: Well, you're the one who said no to the muzzle, Tony. I wanted to shut his pot hole two hours ago.
BRIAN: It's pie hole. And by the way, we went through the Arby's drive through. No such thing as a ride-through. How long have you lived here anyway? Man, get off me!
ZIVA: I'll pay you to take him upstairs. Just name your price.
TONY: My rock beat your scissors. Besides, I've got five million in heroin.
BRIAN: That's nothing.
TONY: Really? I have a feeling your South African suppliers won't feel the same way.
ZIVA: Yeah, considering how much money you owe them, you should be thankful you're in our custody.
TONY: We're your new best friends!
BRIAN: I don't care what you do to me. I'm not talking!
TONY: I find that really hard to believe. All yours, Agent David.
BRIAN: Come on, man!
TONY: Yeah.
BRIAN: Yeah. Take off the cuffs! Yeah, what's his problem, huh?
ZIVA: You! You're insulting, you're crude, and most of all you are extremely annoying.
BRIAN: I'm annoying? He was the one rambling on and on about Top Gun, giving me a freakin' migraine! I didn't realize I had to sit in silence the entire trip. Last time I checked, the First Amendment guaranteed my--
ZIVA: (SHOUTS) Enough!
(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
ZIVA: Get in.
BRIAN: No.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: He's a newbie.(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
ZIVA: He's dead.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
DUCKY: I've been traveling to crime scenes for a great many years, but I can say with complete confidence, this is the shortest commute I have ever had.
JIMMY: And one of the first times I didn't get us lost.
DUCKY: True.
TONY: All yours, Duck.
MCGEE: Sure appreciate all the help, Tony.
TONY: That's a nice outfit, Probie.
MCGEE: Okay, the handbook says that we are required to wear this outfit at all active crime scenes. You know that.
TONY: Yeah, but not in our own building. That's like wearing a nametag in your own apartment.
DUCKY: Tony? Come here. How is she holding up?
TONY: Oh, I uh... I don't know. I haven't talked to her yet.
DUCKY: May I ask why?
GIBBS: Because I told him not to, Ducky.
JIMMY: Excuse me.
GIBBS: Right now she's a suspect, not an investigator.
MCGEE: Boss, you don't think Ziva's really capable of this, do you? Well, I mean she's capable of it, but... you don't really think that she would just...
GIBBS: Kill someone?
MCGEE: Not without a good reason.
TONY: Look, we all know that Ziva has crazy ninja skills but, I mean, she's got some self control, right? Not a lot, some? Never mind.
DUCKY: Forgive me for overstepping, Jethro, but you and I both know that this is far beyond Officer David's character.
GIBBS: It's not me or you I'm worried about right now, Duck. We have a cause of death?
DUCKY: Well, at this point I'd only be speculating. We won't know anything specific until I get him back... well, downstairs, I suppose.
GIBBS: No bruising?
DUCKY: Yeah, well the only injury I've been able to find is this on the top of his head here. Ow! Sorry.
(DUCKY AND GIBBS BUMP INTO EACH OTHER)
GIBBS: I'll zig, you zag.
DUCKY: Here, allow me.
GIBBS: It looks recent.
DUCKY: Yes, well based on its location, it appears that he struck his head on one of these rails when he fell. Oh, come on, Jethro. I mean there's no sign of any physical altercation.
GIBBS: Duck, with her training, there wouldn't be. (TO ZIVA) Hey!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
ZIVA: You ready to hear my side of the story?
GIBBS: We're not going to get a chance to hear his.
ZIVA: I didn't touch him. Hardly at all. When the elevator doors opened, he refused to get in. If this would have been a year ago, I would have snapped his little neck. But it's not and I didn't. I asked him several times to step into the elevator. He wouldn't cooperate. And that's when I struck him.
GIBBS: How?
ZIVA: With my fist.
GIBBS: Where?
ZIVA: In the jugular.
ABBY: Can you guys believe I'm about to go to my first crime scene? (BEAT) It's not a good time.
ZIVA: It was just a little love tap. Choked him up for a couple of seconds, that's all. Look, I know this looks bad. I also know with Brian Dempsey dead, it's nearly impossible to bring down his South African distributors, much less prosecute his brother.
GIBBS: That's not our biggest problem here, Ziva.
ZIVA: It appears there's only one way to fix this. I've seen it in your American movies. This is where I resign.
GIBBS: Next time you hand me your badge, you had better be prepared to lose it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
ABBY: Wow, after all these years I'm finally losing my crime scene virginity.
TONY: Wow. I don't think that's ever been said before.
ABBY: Oh.
MCGEE: I think we've got enough crime scene pictures.
ABBY: Sorry, McGee. I just ... maybe your hat is turning me into some sort of super agent.
TONY: That's weird, because it never had that affect on McGee.
ABBY: Why do I feel like everyone's staring at me?
MCGEE: Probably because they are.
ABBY: Did I do something wrong?
TONY: Have you ever been to Disneyland, Abby?
ABBY: Every summer.
TONY: Yeah. You know those camera-toting tourists with the tall white socks up to their knees wearing fanny packs?
ABBY: Well, yeah. We'd spend half the time laughing at - (LONG BEAT) Oh, my god! I've turned into my Uncle Larry!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY
JIMMY: This man doesn't look a year over thirty, Doctor.
DUCKY: According to his arrest report, he would have been twenty-five next month.
JIMMY: So assuming Ziva didn't kill him, that means he just dropped dead?
DUCKY: It would appear that way, wouldn't it?
JIMMY: He's so young.
DUCKY: Yes, as my father used to say, "We must live for today, because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come."
JIMMY: Wow, that's really beautiful, Doctor.
DUCKY: Yes, unfortunately, he never practiced what he preached. He was always a bit of a penny-pincher, a Papa Scrooge, if you like. That was one reason that he and my mother went their separate ways.
JIMMY: Yeah, most people don't know this, but financial disputes are the second leading cause of divorce.
DUCKY: Really? What's number one?(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
GIBBS: Marriage.
JIMMY: Actually, I'm pretty sure it's infidelity. See, the study I read said that - never mind.
DUCKY: I understand your sense of urgency, Jethro, but my examination is still underway.
GIBBS: Just tell me what you know, Duck.
DUCKY: Well, so far I found no life-threatening abnormalities.
GIBBS: What about his throat?
DUCKY: Well, we did, in our internal examination, find a slight irritation of the anterior jugular, perhaps caused by a physical blow.
GIBBS: Mm-hmm. Was the blow fatal?
DUCKY: It didn't appear to be. Look, I won't know the cause of this man's death until I've completed my work. MRI's, Abby's tox screen, and they're all forthcoming. I know what you want to hear, Jethro, but Officer David is not off the hook here.
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
(ZIVA MOANS B.G.)
TONY: Hey! Will you stop doing that? You're making me nervous.
ZIVA: How long can it possibly take?
TONY: Well, I don't know, Ziva. It's an autopsy, not an oil change.
MCGEE: You know, I don't think we're supposed to be talking about the case with her.
ZIVA: It's a simple conversation, you know? What do you have, Ducky? Well, Jethro, this reminds me of the time back at Scotland Yard when I... The point, Ducky? Well, based on my preliminary findings, Ziva did not kill this man. (BEAT) What? What?
(ZIVA BUMPS INTO GIBBS)
ZIVA: So? Did you talk to Ducky?
GIBBS: Yeah.
ZIVA: And?
GIBBS: And now I have to go and talk to the director.
TONY: Oh. Maybe she really did kill that guy.
ZIVA: Hey Gibbs, what did Ducky say?! Gibbs! Hey, are you going to tell me anything, or not?
GIBBS: There's nothing to tell yet, Ziva.
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY
CYNTHIA: (INTO PHONE) Stan, it's Cynthia again. I'm really starting to get worried. Please call me as soon as you get this.
GIBBS: Is she in?
CYNTHIA: Still not back from lunch, and he's been waiting for a half an hour.
GIBBS: He'll survive.
CYNTHIA: It's not like her, Agent Gibbs. She's never been late for a meeting.
GIBBS: You try her driver?
CYNTHIA: Stan's not answering his cell or pager. I've left him four messages. I really don't know what else to do. I've been calling her cell...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CAR - MOVING
SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Agent Gibbs?
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Director?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) We've got a major problem here.
SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) Sorry to hear that...
(SCENE CUT)
SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) Jethro. I have quite a serious problem myself.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) I'm pretty sure you want to hear mine first.
SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) I'm not entirely...
(SCENE CUT)
SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) ... sure that's true.
JAMES: (INTO PHONE) You really should be listening to her problem, Jethro.
(SCENE CUT)
JAMES: (V.O./FILTERED) You're holding my heroin and my little brother.
(SCENE CUT)
JAMES: (INTO PHONE) If I don't get both back in two hours, she dies. I'll call back with the details.
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SHEPARD'S OUTER OFFICE
CYNTHIA: She called in at eleven forty-five when she arrived at the Whitmore Hotel. According to the Senator's assistant, lunch was over at twelve fifty - ten minutes ahead of schedule. She never checked in again.
GIBBS: I need to see her itinerary.
CYNTHIA: I can't do that, Agent Gibbs.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SHEPARD'S OFFICE - DAY
(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)
CYNTHIA: I'm not trying to be difficult, but the Director's been very clear. Her schedule is confidential. Even to you.
GIBBS: Are you done? Director Shepard has been kidnapped. I need to know where she was when it happened.
CYNTHIA: Okay. Here's everything. Nine a.m. at the G.A.O. Ten thirty with the A.T.C.C....
GIBBS: And after lunch, a meeting with the B.O.B.
CYNTHIA: Uh, that's Congressman Bob Sommers. He's a friend.
GIBBS: It doesn't say where she's meeting him.
CYNTHIA: I'm not sure. She has the car wait at the hotel. Gets coffee nearby. You think Bob's involved?
GIBBS: No. But it'll give me a search radius. Give me a copy of this, will you?
CYNTHIA: What else can I do?
GIBBS: Keep quiet.
CYNTHIA: She's gonna be okay, right?
(DOOR OPENS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
ZIVA: If you have a question, ask it.
TONY: I'm afraid you'll put the Vulcan death grip on me.
ZIVA: I'm considering it.
TONY: Where did you learn to do that, anyway? Years of training on a secluded desert island? Blind Master Po always one step ahead of you. "When you take the pebble from my hand, then it will be time..." Oh ho, do that again. Show me. Oh!
GIBBS: DiNozzo!
TONY: Yeah, Boss. I was just...
GIBBS: Shut up. Get over here. James Dempsey has taken Director Shepard hostage. He wants his drugs and his brother back or she dies. We have two hours. Last contact was at the Whitmore Hotel. Driver's not responding, DiNozzo.
TONY: On it.
GIBBS: Dempsey used the Director's cell phone.
MCGEE: I'll start a trace.
ZIVA: What about me? This is the Director's schedule.
GIBBS: Start making calls.
ZIVA: Desk work? Put me in the field.
GIBBS: No, not happening.
ZIVA: You need me out there.
GIBBS: Not happening. I need you at your desk making calls. Go! Hey! Clock's ticking, people!
ZIVA: Jenny can take care of herself, Gibbs! She was a good agent.
GIBBS: Still is.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC - DAY
CASSIE: (ON MONITOR) I've been investigating James Dempsey for nine months, Gibbs. Seems like a frat boy on the surface, but the guy's brutal. We've linked him to half a dozen unsolved homicides. But still, kidnapping the Director of NCIS? Takes guts I didn't know he had.
GIBBS: He's gonna kill her, Cassie. Nothing to be impressed by.
CASSIE: (ON MONITOR) I'm not impressed. I'm worried.
GIBBS: Any intel from those squids you busted?
CASSIE: (ON MONITOR) They're just mules moving product for the South Africans, didn't even know who they were working for.
GIBBS: Get down here.
CASSIE: (ON MONITOR) Be there in a couple hours.
GIBBS: Hold on! Base Commander has got a chopper waiting.
CASSIE: (ON MONITOR) The only thing James Dempsey loves more than money is his baby brother. As long as you've got Brian in custody, James should be easy to manipulate.
GIBBS: Brian Dempsey is dead. You still think he'll be easy to manipulate, Cassie?
CASSIE: (ON MONITOR) I'm on my way.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: This is totally disturbing.
MCGEE: Yes, it is.
ABBY: I mean, who would treat their feet like that?
MCGEE: Feet?
ABBY: Yeah, look at these soles. You know what that does to somebody's arches? Heel spurs, torn ligaments, not to mention the effect on spinal alignment.
MCGEE: Abby, he was a drug dealer.
ABBY: McGee, there is no excuse for poor foot care.
MCGEE: You wear platforms, and I'm trying to work here.
ABBY: Are you still tracking the Director's cell phone?
MCGEE: Well, I tracked it to a half a dozen different cell towers.
ABBY: He called from a car.
MCGEE: Driving down the Three Ninety Five.
ABBY: Were there any other calls?
MCGEE: Phone was turned off. Probably tossed it. I pinpointed the GPS to its last location.
ABBY: Great. Not great?
MCGEE: It's a major interchange. He could have taken any of four highways out of there.
ABBY: So much for plan "A."
GIBBS: Better have a plan "B."
ABBY: Gibbs! Are you okay? I was really worried about you because of the Director and all. I know that you guys are really close. Plan "B." I am running samples on Brian Dempsey's clothing and personal effects to Sherlock where he's been hanging out.
GIBBS: And?
ABBY: And it's going to take some time. Which we don't have, so I'll hurry up now.
MCGEE: Uh, I'm working a different angle. Collecting Brian Dempsey's credit cards and phone records. By creating a simple algorithm using his personal data, I constructed a computer model of his buying patterns, juxtaposed with his calling patterns.
GIBBS: I don't care. Get it done.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
EXT. AIRPLANE HANGAR - DAY
(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)
ALEX RUDD: Get out.
JAMES: Easy there, Rudd. She's not one of your dates.
ALEX RUDD: She wouldn't even be here if your idiot brother didn't get caught.
JAMES: I apologize for Alex. He takes some getting used to. Once you get to know him, you'll really learn to hate him.
(DOOR OPENS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY
(DOOR CLOSES)
JAMES: On your knees. Please.
SHEPARD: You're wasting your time.
JAMES: I'm just trying to make you more comfortable.
SHEPARD: I meant taking me hostage. They're never going to negotiate.
JAMES: Well, don't sell yourself so short.
SHEPARD: They're not allowed to.
JAMES: I don't know. Agent Gibbs seems fond of you. Maybe he'll make an exception.
SHEPARD: Gibbs thinks of me like a wife.
JAMES: See?
SHEPARD: He's had three. We busted your brother with five million in pure heroin. Do you think the Navy's just going to give him back?
JAMES: Stand up. Now. On the chair. Lean back. I'm sorry about this. (TIES SHEPHARD UP) My brother's always had a way of getting us in trouble. I'm the one who bails us out.(MUSIC OVER DIALOGUE)
SHEPARD: You didn't break someone's window with a baseball. You kidnapped the head of a Federal agency.
JAMES: Yeah. You got a point. But look on the bright side. This'll be over soon. One way or the other.
SHEPARD: Stanley.
JAMES: Excuse me?
SHEPARD: My driver.
JAMES: He's fine. Might be a little uncomfortable. We stuck him in the trunk of your car. See? I'm not a bad guy. I just want the drugs you stole from me and my brother back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Yes, I know it's confidential information. But... but please don't put me on hold!
MCGEE: Are you all right?
ZIVA: I'm doing desk work.
MCGEE: Could be worse.
ZIVA: What part of desk work don't you understand?
RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Agent David, are you there?
ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Yes, hello. Hello, yes. Yes, all I want is - no, no. Don't!
MCGEE: I know what you're going through.
ZIVA: Really?
MCGEE: Mm-hmm.
ZIVA: Are you making pointless phone calls and following up dead leads?
MCGEE: That's not what I mean. When I shot that cop, I felt like everyone doubted me. But after a while...
ZIVA: Are you trying to make me feel better?
MCGEE: Is it not working?
ZIVA: It's not necessary, McGee. (CHUCKLES) Our only concern should be the Director.
MCGEE: You're right.
RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Officer David, Master Sergeant Clay will be with you momentarily.
ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) You put me on hold again, and I'll jump through this phone and I will strangle you!
RECEPTIONIST: (V.O./FILTERED) Hold please.
ZIVA: Hey, McGee! Nobody ever doubted you.
MCGEE: Just like those calls you're making aren't pointless.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. PARKING STRUCTURE - DAY
TONY: We're looking for a black Town Car.
KEMPER: You're going to have to be a little more specific.
TONY: It's got Federal plates.
KEMPER: You've just described half our clientele.
TONY: Look, the car belongs to the Director of NCIS. She comes with a driver. She's here twice a week.
KEMPER: Director Shepard.
TONY: Yeah.
KEMPER: Why didn't you say so?
TONY: I was trying to be discreet.
KEMPER: Is she all right?
TONY: She's just peachy. She just left her keys in her car.
KEMPER: Here we are. Looks like the door is open.
TONY: Hold on!
(SFX: TRUNK DOOR POPS OPEN)
KEMPER: Is this a crime scene, Agent DiNozzo?
TONY: It is now.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
ZIVA: The Director's driver was taken by surprise then shot in the back of the head. Dempsey then kidnapped the Director and is demanding the return of his drugs, his brother, or she dies.
CASSIE: Let's hope we find him before that happens, Officer David. Here's everything I've got on the Dempseys, Gibbs. Nine months of surveillance, wiretaps, buy/busts. Uh... where do I sit?
GIBBS: Any of this going to help me find the Director?
CASSIE: Probably not. Wish I could tell you I had someone inside his organization.
GIBBS: You never flipped an informant?
CASSIE: I was hoping to flip his brother. Obviously that's never going to happen.
(PHONE RINGS)
ZIVA: (INTO PHONE) Officer David. Got it, Tony. (TO GIBBS) Tony's uploading the Whitmore Hotel security footage right now. He's got Dempsey leaving the garage.
CASSIE: Dempsey's had less than a day to target the Director. He'll have been sloppy, left a trail.
ZIVA: James Dempsey's in the passenger seat. The Director must be in the back. Who's driving?
CASSIE: Alex Rudd. Point man for the cartels running drugs through South Africa. The guy's a serious psychopath, Gibbs. I... didn't know he was in the country. But I know fifty places he usually likes to hang out. I'll start knocking down doors.
GIBBS: No, I need you here. Get somebody else to do it.
ZIVA: I'll start doing s--
GIBBS: No, you're not going anywhere. You sit down. Run a BOLO on that car.
CASSIE: We'll get her back, Gibbs.
(CASSIE WALKS O.S.)
ZIVA: You think she's already dead.
CASSIE: I think... today's a real bad day to be the Director of NCIS, Officer David.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY
SHEPARD: That's a nice plane out there. G Three, right?
JAMES: I wouldn't know.
SHEPARD: Range, forty-one hundred nautical miles, unless you risk refueling. But you don't look like the European type to me. I'm thinking more Mexico or the Caribbean.
JAMES: Yeah, Mexico would be great. My baby brother's always wanted to see Cabo.
SHEPARD: Maybe you can take him there... in thirty to forty years.
(DOOR OPENS)
ALEX RUDD: Where's your pilot, Dempsey?
JAMES: I told you. He's on his way.
ALEX RUDD: What the hell? You've got her in full view of the window, mate!
SHEPARD: I tried to tell him.
JAMES: No one's gonna see her.
SHEPARD: That's a dangerous assumption. Who knows how many people saw you stuff me into the back of your car. You kidnapped the head of a Federal agency. They take that very seriously.
ALEX RUDD: Look, I know you're tight with your brother, mate, but you are not thinking!
JAMES: She's just messing with you.
ALEX RUDD: Well, she's doing a good job of it. How exactly do you see this thing working out? We should've just shot her like her damn driver.
JAMES: I gave NCIS two hours. We've only got fifty eight minutes left. Just relax.
ALEX RUDD: We're gone as soon as your fly-boy shows up.
JAMES: We're not leaving without my brother.
ALEX RUDD: It's your brother who screwed up! Now I've got to explain to my bosses how you lost our product and you don't have the money to pay for it.
JAMES: I'm getting it back!
ALEX RUDD: Yeah? Good luck with that because I'm not sticking around to find out.
(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)
SHEPARD: Looks like you have a difficult decision, James. It's either him or your brother.
(SFX: JAMES KICKS THE CONTAINER)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
DUCKY: I trust you remembered my tea this time, Mister Palmer.
ZIVA: It's only me, Ducky. And I'm empty-handed.
DUCKY: Uh... well, the coffee stand is unable to master the art of brewing a decent cup of Earl Grey.
ZIVA: Those are from Brian Dempsey?
DUCKY: Yeah. I cannot discuss it with you, my dear. I don't mean to be rude.
ZIVA: Oh, I understand, Ducky.
DUCKY: And you probably shouldn't be down here.
ZIVA: I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be in the field. Can you please, please tell me where I should be?
DUCKY: Well, I can understand your feelings of alienation.
ZIVA: Everyone's avoiding me! Do they think I'm going to lose control, just enter the building and massacre everyone? I mean, I'm being treated like a leopard.
DUCKY: I believe the phrase is "like a leper." Look. Look, Ziva, you mustn't start blaming yourself.
ZIVA: I don't. I know where I hit Brian Dempsey. I know how severely I hit him. And Ducky, I know... I know I didn't kill him.
DUCKY: Then why are you here?
ZIVA: Because... I need for you to tell Gibbs that.
GIBBS: Tell me what, Ziva?
ZIVA: That the BOLO came back on the car the Director was kidnapped in. It was abandoned three miles from the hotel. It's in route to NCIS. It should be here...
GIBBS: Go back to your desk.
ZIVA: I am of no use chained to a computer, Gibbs. I should be out looking for her. I...
GIBBS: It wasn't a suggestion, Officer David.
(ZIVA WALKS AWAY)
ZIVA: I...
GIBBS: I don't care.
(ZIVA WALKS O.S.)
DUCKY: Don't you think you're being a bit hard on her?
GIBBS: Not the time to hold hands, Ducky.
DUCKY: Even though you feel she's blameless?
GIBBS: Do you have anything to back that up?
DUCKY: I found blood on Mister Dempsey's brain tissue. He may have died of an intracranial hemorrhage.
GIBBS: May have?
DUCKY: Yes, well I sent the tissue up for a full neural report. If that turns out to be the case, the hemorrhaging could be the result of a pre-existing condition.
GIBBS: Or a well-placed strike to the jugular.
DUCKY: Yeah. At this point, Jethro, the truth is anybody's guess.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: I thought you didn't believe in voodoo.
ABBY: This isn't voodoo, McGee. It's tarot. The ancient art of divination.
MCGEE: So you're using tarot cards to find the Director?
ABBY: Of course, not. It just helps me think.
MCGEE: We have less than an hour, so uh... I mean, you could be working.
ABBY: I am identifying the mystery goo from Brian Dempsey's sneaker. And don't forget the old saying, "A watched G.C. mask..."
TONY: Never boils.
ABBY: Well, I was going to say never compares well to the concentration of atomic mass, but where's my Caff-Pow?
TONY: We're sort of in a time crunch here, Abs. You're going to have to do this one caffeine free.
ABBY: Bite your tongue! Rule number nine, always keep a spare.
TONY: I thought Gibbs said nine was always carry a knife?
ABBY: Not Gibbs' rules. Mine.
TONY: Hmm. I got the physical evidence from the Director's Town Car. Cigarette butts, empty coffee cup, and a half-sucked breath mint. Nothing that gets us any closer to James Dempsey's location. Ah! Tarot. The ancient art of divination.
MCGEE: Guys, I've got something. I've got something here. I've plotted on the map the locations where Brian Dempsey made credit card purchases in the last six months. Its gas, ATM withdrawals, motel rooms - everything. Then I cross referenced the cell towers that his phone interfaced with. I can literally map out his life.
TONY: Strip clubs, escort services, off track betting. The guy had so much to live for.
MCGEE: According to my program, Brian Dempsey spent the majority of his time in this fifty square mile area.
TONY: And this helps us find the Director how?
MCGEE: It helps us narrow down the search radius.
TONY: Do you have any idea how long it takes to search fifty square miles, McGee? Too long.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY
SHEPARD: His name was Stanley. The man you murdered in the parking garage, James.
JAMES: I didn't kill your driver. I tried to stop it.
SHEPARD: Good. Then you still have a chance of getting out of it. It's more than I can say for your boss out there.
JAMES: He's not my boss. He's a business partner.
SHEPARD: Well, I'd keep an eye on your business partner if I were you.
JAMES: Yeah? Why's that?
(SFX: ENGINE B.G.)
SHEPARD: Because it sounds like he's about to take off without you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HANGAR - DAY
JAMES: What are you doing?!
ALEX RUDD: The pilot's here. We're leaving.
JAMES: I'm about to make the call.
ALEX RUDD: You really think the Feds are going to negotiate with you, mate?
JAMES: Yeah, I do.
ALEX RUDD: Then you're even dumber than your kid brother.
JAMES: They'll bring him and our drugs if they want to see their Director alive again!
ALEX RUDD: That's what's holding you back, huh? Easy to fix.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
(SFX: GUNSHOT)
JAMES: I just shot him to get my brother back. What do you think I'll do to you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
TONY: Tick tock, McGee.
CASSIE: James Dempsey should be calling any second.
ZIVA: Tactical's pre-positioned in the search grid.
MCGEE: Okay, trace program's almost ready. Just need another computer for back-up. Ooh, Ziva. You're not using this, are you?
ZIVA: I'm being wasted here. You'll need me when James Dempsey finds out his brother's dead.
GIBBS: We don't need the brother. Once we have a location, we take him out.
ZIVA: All the more reason why I should be --
(PHONE RINGS)
MCGEE: Okay, we're connected. Trace starts when you pick up, Boss.
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.
JAMES: (V.O./FILTERED) Listen carefully.(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
JAMES: (INTO PHONE) One car, one agent in the back.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Put Director Shepard on.
JAMES: (V.O./FILTERED) You're wasting...
(SCENE CUT)
JAMES: (INTO PHONE) ... Time, Agent Gibbs. Time you don't have.
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Put her on...
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) .... Or the deal's off.
(SCENE CUT)
JAMES: (INTO PHONE) He wants to know if you're still alive. Play nice and you'll stay that way.
SHEPARD: (INTO PHONE) I'm fine, Jethro.
(SCENE CUT)
SHEPARD: (V.O./FILTERED) Wish I had my coat!
JAMES: (V.O./FILTERED) Enough! One car. One agent in the back.
(SCENE CUT)
JAMES: (INTO PHONE) Drugs in the trunk. Brian drives.
(SCENE CUT)
JAMES: (V.O./FILTERED) See you in forty-five minutes.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Where are we driving?
JAMES: (INTO PHONE) Leave that to my brother. He knows where.
(SCENE CUT)
JAMES: (V.O./FILTERED) Don't be late.
(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: Boss, Dempsey made the call over a V.O.I.P. system. That's voice-over internet protocol. It's a wireless signal converted to analog.
GIBBS: How long to trace it, McGee?
MCGEE: Three hours, maybe two if we're lucky.
TONY: He said forty five minutes, Probie.
GIBBS: Find another way!
CASSIE: How, Gibbs? The only person who knows where they are is lying dead in autopsy. Did Brian Dempsey say anything to you before you killed him? I mean, before he collapsed and died while in your custody?
ZIVA: I told you once, I did not kill that man. So stop making accusations that you can't --
GIBBS: Hey! She said she wanted her coat.
CASSIE: Is she trying to tell us something?
MCGEE: Maybe she's cold. Someplace cold.
ZIVA: Perhaps she left something in her coat?
(INTERCUT FLASHBACK SCENES)
GIBBS: She left it on the plane. She's at an airport!
TONY: How do you know she's at an air --
(PHONE RINGS)
TONY: Of course. She's at an airport.
MCGEE: Pulling up every airport forty five minute drive from here.
(PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs.
CASSIE: There's got to be at least a dozen.(ABBY FILTERED B.G.)
TONY: We'll never have time to sweep them all.
GIBBS: Maybe we won't have to. DiNozzo, McGee, with me.
TONY: On your six, Boss.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
ABBY: I got the results back from Brian Dempsey's shoe goo. It's a smorgasbord of Juicy Fruit, chewing tobacco, dog poo...
GIBBS: What's the point, Abby?
ABBY: There are also trace elements of diolane and hexylene glycol. It's fire suppression foam. So I'm thinking - a manufacturing plant or a firehouse.
GIBBS: Abby, they're at an airport!
ABBY: Or an airport. Because they use it on the runway for emergency landings.
MCGEE: You remember a few weeks ago there was a commuter plane with faulty landing gear?
TONY: Yeah, we watched it for hours on ZNN waiting to see if it was going to crash and burn.
MCGEE: He was diverted to a small airfield...
GIBBS: Which one, McGee?
(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONES)
MCGEE: It's Potomac Air - Potomac Airport.
CASSIE: We've got the airport layout, Gibbs. I recommend we seal it off, go through building by building with tactical assault.
ZIVA: It's an airfield. Do you expect to sneak up on him?
CASSIE: We don't exactly have a choice here. Maybe if his brother wasn't--
ZIVA: Wasn't dead? Yes, I think we've established that. Thank you.
GIBBS: David's right. We go in small. Cassie, McGee, you two find out what building they're holding the Director in.
MCGEE: How?
GIBBS: I don't care, McGee. Trace the call. Find out what planes are scheduled to take off. Just find it!
MCGEE: On it.
GIBBS: Hey! Hey! Come on!
TONY: Uh... one problem, Boss. He's expecting his brother to drive.
GIBBS: Well, then we give him what he wants. Give him his brother.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY
JAMES: Well I guess I should thank you.
SHEPARD: For what?
JAMES: For him. Friends are important, but in the end, family's all we really have. Alex never understood that. You did me a favor.
SHEPARD: Well, let me do you another one. You're a smart guy, James. You know, this isn't going to end well. They are going to kill you, maybe even your brother. Are you willing to risk Brian's life?
JAMES: Well, that all depends. Is NCIS willing to risk yours? You try something like that with me again, I will send you back in little pieces.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
EXT. TARMAC - DAY
TONY: This is the second stupidest thing I've ever done. Want to know what the first was?
GIBBS: No. Less talking.
TONY: Ah, right. We should just tape the dead guy's hands to the steering wheel. On it, Boss. Here we go. It's showtime, Bernie.
ZIVA: Three and eleven.
TONY: Two and ten. And that explains a lot. Okay, all right. I need you to hold his head up here, all right?
ZIVA: Okay.
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) McGee?
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) Yeah, Boss.
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) We're at the airport. Got my location yet?
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) I'm still working on the trace, Boss.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
MCGEE: We've localized the DNS servers.
ABBY: Having a little bit of trouble matching the computer's profiles and subnets.
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Cassie! What about you?
CASSIE: (INTO PHONE) I need every scheduled flight. No, today's flight plans!
MCGEE: Uh, Boss, she's still working on the flight plans.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. TARMAC - DAY
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Work faster!
TONY: They never had this much trouble with Bernie.
ZIVA: Who the hell is Bernie?
TONY: Weekend At Bernie's! A cinematic masterpiece. It's a, you know, blend of the comedic and the macabre - thumbs down from the Boss man.
(GIBBS HITS TONY)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) We're out of time.
CASSIE: (V.O./FILTERED) Gibbs.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LAB - DAY
CASSIE: The only non-commercial aircraft cleared to leave Potomac is from...
ABBY: Hangar number three!
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. TARMAC - DAY
MCGEE: (V.O./FILTERED) We're sending out the coordinates.
TONY: Are you sure this isn't the stupidest thing you've ever done, DiNozzo?
TONY: We're ready to go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY
JAMES: Time's up! You were right. Looks like your people don't care about you after all.
SHEPARD: I told you. NCIS does not negotiate with criminals, James.
JAMES: Well, you'd better hope they're willing to make an exception for you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CAR - MOVING
ZIVA: Are you trying to make me sick or something, Tony?(SFX: CAR DRIVING IN SPURTS B.G.)
TONY: You know what? I can't see out the windshield. I'm driving with my hands. And I still think I'm driving better than you.
ZIVA: To the left! The other left!
TONY: It's kind of hard to concentrate when your head is three inches from a dead guy's --
ZIVA: (SHOUTS) Look out!
TONY: Which way!? Which way?!
ZIVA: You're driving straight into an airplane hangar.
TONY: Could you be a little more specific, please? Which way?
ZIVA: Make a left! Now go straight. Tony, straight!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. STORAGE ROOM - DAY
JAMES: Looks like your people came through for you after all.
SHEPARD: So you're home free.
JAMES: I'm not stupid. I know they'll have people following. But in five minutes, I'll be twenty thousand feet over the Atlantic. Get up!
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. TARMAC - DAY
TONY: You see him?
ZIVA: Not yet.
TONY: Just remember, Gibbs doesn't want you taking a shot until the Director is clear.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HANGAR - DAY
JAMES: (SHOUTS) You! Out of the car! Hands on your head! Cuff yourself. Hands behind your back. I said cuff yourself! Now lie down. Very clever. Brian, get the drugs and take them on the plane! They're right behind you. Get the damn drugs, Brian! Brian! They killed him. You killed my baby brother!(DOOR OPENS/ CLOSES)
(SFX: GUNSHOT)
ZIVA: It's actually a pretty interesting story.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO: INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY (B.G. - What's that? It's the report....)
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
SHEPARD: I'm fine, Jethro. Really. It's a probie mistake. I should've known better. Never should have let my guard down. How many times have we said that? Stanley was a hell of an agent. He didn't deserve this. And I know what you're going to say. I'm the Director now. It comes with the territory. But I hope to God I never get used to it. (SIGHS) Are you ever going to say anything?
GIBBS: Have a drink.
DUCKY: I have the results of Brian Dempsey's neuropath report. The hemorrhaging was caused by a congenital defect in the subarachnoid artery.
SHEPARD: He died of a brain aneurism?
DUCKY: Present since birth. The young man was a walking time bomb.
GIBBS: Every time bomb has a trigger, Duck.
DUCKY: Well, anything could have precipitated his death. A cough, a sneeze...
GIBBS: A blow to the throat?
SHEPARD: Sounds like natural causes to me.
DUCKY: Exactly the way I ruled it.
(MUSIC UP AND OUT) | Plan: A: A routine drugs bust; Q: What goes wrong when the suspect dies while in Ziva's custody? A: The victim's brother; Q: Who takes Jenny hostage? A: just two hours; Q: How long is the deadline for finding Jenny? A: the clock; Q: What is racing against the team? A: the team; Q: Who must find Jenny before it's too late? A: the help; Q: What does Cassie Yates provide to the team? A: Cassie Yates; Q: Who is Tamara Taylor? Summary: A routine drugs bust goes wrong when the suspect dies while in Ziva's custody. The victim's brother then takes Jenny hostage, demanding his brother and the drugs be returned to him in exchange for Jenny. With a deadline of just two hours and the clock racing against them, the team with the help of Cassie Yates ( Tamara Taylor ) must find Jenny before it's too late. |
British Embassy, Vienna 18 months earlier Jacki stands on a balcony as he watches various people enter. He watches Irina enter. Later, Jack is in the pool room sitting at a table drinking. Irina comes in.
Irina: I was pleased to get your note. This party looks insufferable.
Jack: I would prefer not to spend the little time we have together with idle banter.
Irina: (laughs) Well, then. . .What do you suggest?
Jack: A dance. (they star dancing) You broke my heart, Irina.
Irina: That was another lifetime. I won't do it again.
Jack: Good to know. (they kiss, alot)
Irina: This has been lovely but I should go back.
Jack: (he stops her) Tell me, Irina. How did it feel giving the order? Was it difficult, or. . . Were you able to remain cold, indifferent? Were you amused?
Irina: Jack, this is cryptic, even for you.
Jack: Then let me be clear. How did it feel to pay a man to kill your own daughter?
Irina: You weren't supposed to find out.
Jack: You didn't feel a thing, did you? How is that possible? Were Sydney and I nothing to you, merely strategic alliances to be disposed of once we outlived our usefulness. After all we've been through, Irina. I deserve an explanation. Why? I need a reason.
Irina: Because it had to be done. (Jack puts a gun to her forehead) Jack.
Jack: Damn you. (he fires) Irina falls into the pool, smiling. Jack is standing in the hallway outside APO. Sydney walks by.
Jack: How's Dixon?
Sydney: Stable.
Jack: Has his story changed?
Sydney: No, he still swears he saw her, but the amount of blood he lost, he must be delusional.
Jack: I would have thought you placed more trust in your partner.
Sydney: It's impossible.
Jack: We've seen the impossible before.
Sydney: This is a distraction.
Jack: You don't know that.
Sydney: Dad, you killed her.
Jack: I killed a woman I believed to be your mother. Sound familiar? You know the doubling technology exists. The Helix protocol.
Sydney: Dad, we're being set up. Elena and Sloane are gone and the only person capable of stopping them is dangled right in front of us. Doesn't that seem a little convenient? Think about it. This wouldn't be the first time. Elena manipulated Vaughn into searching for his father. Look how that turned out. No, they want us to pursue this.
Jack: I understand your skepticism, although your unwillingness to even entertain the idea, suggests fear.
Sydney: Fear? Of what?
Jack: perhaps a false hope.
Sydney: Maybe it's easier for you to believes mom's alive than to live with what you did.
Jack: Maybe so. But the fact remains, as long as Sloane and Elena are out there, we're pursuing every lead. We have work to do. (he leaves) Sydney enters APO. She's walking.
Nadia: How's Dixon?
Sydney: He's lost a lot of blood. . .
Vaughn: (walks by on a phone) No, sir, we still don't know what their endgame is.
Marshall: Vaughn, come here, check this out.
Vaughn: (goes to Marshall, still on phone) Uh, hold on, we may have just gotten something. (to Marshall) DCI. Tell me you just got something.
Marshall: (on computer) Well, you know the tapes from the break-in? I found some data blocks that are still intact. Is that enough for a positive I. D.
Vaughn: Yeah, that's enough for an I. D.
Marshall: Up top.
Vaughn: (continues on phone and goes somewhere else) We're identifying one of Elena Derevko's associates. I'll keep you updated.(he hangs up, Weiss starts talking)
Weiss: Hey. I just talked to Langley. They are all over this.
Vaughn: Yeah, you have no idea. Sydney is on the phone speaking in a foreign language.
Sydney: (to phone) Mr. Nemec assured me it was possible. (the computer shows Irina's picture) Yes. Every flight manifest to and from Prague. Back to Weiss and Vaughn.
Weiss: I know we're in crisis mode, but did you ask her? Vaughn looks over at Sydney, who's on the phone.
Sydney: (to phone) No, I don't think sleep is a luxury only American can afford.
Vaughn: It's not exactly the right time.
Weiss: When's the right time, what, the night time?
Vaughn: Eric, come on.
Weiss: Look, it's not like you have a ring burning a whole in your- (Vaughn gives him a look) You have the ring on you right now? Vaughn leaves.
Sydney: (on the phone, still) I'm sorry, would you mind holding? (she sits down, looking out of breath)
Marshall: (bursts into Jack's office) We got it. He's former covenant. Lucien Nisard. And he didn't just head-up the DSR break-in. Once we had a name, I ran a series of traces on a cell network in Prague. Turns out Nisard made phone calls from the same location at the same time Dixon says he saw Irina. Of course, tracking him, that's gonna take some time.
Jack: I need you to log in through Sloane's computer. Check the Blackwell Index. (he starts to leave)
Marshall: Wait a minute, the Blackwell Index? Sloane doesn't have that. He gave that over to Langley. (Jack looks at him and leaves) Didn't he? (Marshall follows) Vaughn goes over to Nadia. She's sitting and writing.
Vaughn: How are you holding up?
Nadia: I'm trying to stay focused.
Vaughn: By reopening the Bishop files?
Nadia: He supposedly killed my mother. If she's alive then the CIA obviously missed something.
Vaughn: Nadia, researching Martin Bishop, it's- it's not the most productive use of your time.
Nadia: What do you mean?
Vaughn: You should talk to Jack. Jack and Marshall in Sloane's office. The Blackwell computer is opening on the computer.
Marshall: Okay. Um, I hope you don't mind me asking, Mr. Bristow, but when you helped Sloane steal this thing, you didn't realize he was going to switch sides, did you? I mean you didn't see it coming?
Jack: No.
Marshall: Okay. I was just curious because I didn't think that- wow, look at the people on this thing.
Jack: Lucien Nisard. I want all aliases, addresses, contacts, vices, and weaknesses.
Marshall: No problem. Just give me a sec.
Nadia: (comes in) I need to speak with you.
Jack: (to Marshall) Give us a minute, would you?
Marshall: Sure. Hey. (leaves)
Jack: What is it?
Nadia: My mother's killer- Martin Bishop- what is it you haven't told me? I'm tired of lies, Jack. After what my father and Elena have done, I want the truth.
Jack: Martin Bishop didn't kill Irina. I did. I learned Irina had put a contract out on Sydney's life. I believed she was going to have her killed. I had no other viable option.
Nadia: I killed Martin Bishop because you told me it was him.
Jack: Yes. I learned later that I had been set up by Elena. Perhaps I was too quick to assume Irina had betrayed me and Sydney again.
Nadia: Does Sydney know?
Jack: This is not the time for recriminations. Your mother may be alive.
Nadia: I hope she is. And you should, too. Vaughn walks by Sydney at her desk.
Vaughn: Syd, something's happened. (she follows) Vauhgn and Sydney walk into the room with the tv screens. There are different news programs in various screens speaking in different languages. They watch the screens.
Sydney: What's going on?
Marshall: There's been some sort of an accident.
Nadia: We don't know the details, Russia isn't saying.
Marshall: But look at the satellite footage. The city- Sevogda- They're coordinating some sort of military perimeter around it.
Vaughn: Is it a quarantine?
Weiss: No idea.
Jack: (enters) I just spoke to Director Chase. Intelligence on this incident is nonexistent. Not even our agents within the Kremlin have any inkling as to what's happening. Computer starts beeping.
Nadia: What is it?
Marshall: It's from a hacker friend of mine in Moscow. It's raw footage. You guys should see this. The footage shows up on the screens. Fighting, cars on fire, rioting, general chaos. And above it all floats a big red ball.
Sydney: It's them. APO Briefing room. Gang around table, excluding Dixon and Sloane.
Jack: The Russian government's officially claiming an industrial accident.
Sydney: And they expect that story to last?
Vaughn: Well, conspiracy theories have already been posted on the web.
Weiss: Terrorist attack, military experiment gone wrong-
Marshall: Don't forget aliens. I mean, there's lots and lots of speculation about extraterrestrials.
Sydney: Given what we know, have you been able to put anything together?
Marshall: You mean Sloane and Elena's endgame? It's unclear. But what is obvious is they've activated some sort of ginormous Meuller device. From the footage, I'd say it's at least six blocks in diameter. Now, the Russian government, they're keeping a tight lid on what's actually happened, but from what's leaking out, I'd say the citizens of Sevogda, they're going postal. I mean, you know, mass violence, aggression, inability to reason.
Jack: They must have infected the water supply with the chemical properties of the orchid, priming the population of the city. Making them susceptible to the effects of the Mueller device.
Marshall: So, what you're saying is, a large red ball plus contaminated water equals a city full of homicidal maniacs. That was a sentence I never thought I'd say.
Vaughn: But what's the point? I mean, the weirdest terrorist attack of all time?
Jack: Their purpose remains a mystery. Perhaps Sevogda serves some strategic importance.
Weiss: I'd go with world domination, but that's always my go-to.
Nadia: Why isn't important. Stopping them is.
Vaughn: (to Sydney) You've destroyed a Meuller device before. (Sydney gives him a look)
Marshall: Uh, guys, sorry to interrupt here, but, you know, this thing is beyond toxic. I mean, and one this size? Unless it was shut down properly, it would be like draining primary coolant from a nuclear plant times ten million.
Sydney: I don't know how to disarm the device safely, anyway.
Jack: But I know someone who might. Based on the eye-witness account from Agent Dixon, Irina Derevko is currently being held prisoner by her sister.
Vaughn: Any ideas on how to find her?
Jack: Lucien Nisard- former covenant member and an associate of Elena's. (picture and info pop up on the screen) Flight records indicate he flew to Ibiza this morning. The sordid details in these files (hands files to Vaughn and Sydney) should make it easy to isolate him, get him to talk. Do whatever it takes. (Vaughn and Sydney look at each other) Wheels up in 2 hours. Separate room. Vaughn and Sydney pack gear.
Vaughn: The usual? (messes with a gun) Sydney Not with what I'll be wearing. (she takes out a case) I had this feeling before. A sense. (messes with a guns) I almost felt like I was going to pass out. I don't know how to describe it, but it was just like dread, like something horrible was happening.
Vaughn: (he kisses her) We've been tasked to rescue a woman who killed my father- your mother, who is supposes to be dead, by the way, and to disable a giant red ball floating over a Russian city.
Sydney: Crazier things have happened.
Vaughn: That's kinda my point. Syd, without you, I'd be lost. I mean, this world, this job, everything. It would make me insane.
Sydney: I know.
Vaughn: (he takes her hands) We're gonna get through this.
Sydney: How can you be sure?
Vaughn: How can I not be? We're still here. Syd. . .(he puts his hand in his pocket)
Sydney: What?
Marshall: (bursts in) Hey. Sorry to interrupt. You ready to roll?
Vaughn: Yeah.
Marshall: All right. (hands him something)
Vaughn: Thanks.
Sydney: Vaughn?
Vaughn: We should go. (takes his hand out of his pocket) Sydney goes over to Nadia at her desk.
Sydney: Nadia. My dad told me he spoke to you. I was only trying to protect you.
Nadia: And him.
Sydney: Yes, and him. I should have told you, I'm sorry.
Nadia: It's not important now. You may not believe our mother's alive, but I do. Please find her. Ibiza A club. People dancing, music playing. Vaughn and Sydney walk in smiling, holding hands. They walk around.
Vaughn: Got him.
Sydney: Where?
Vaughn: At the bar.
Sydney: (turns and sees Nisard) That's him. How do you wanna play this? You want to be rough, or do you want me to be rough?
Vaughn: You're always rough.
Sydney: No, I'm not.
Vaughn: Yes, you are.
Sydney: That's not true.
Vaughn: Yes, it is.
Sydney: Are you talking about at home or on ops?
Vaughn: Both. Hey, I'm not complaining.
Sydney: If I'm rough it's because you like it when I- Are we on comms?
Jack: (back at APO with Marshall) Yes, you're both on comms, right now.
Sydney: (laughs as Vaughn smiles) We'll both be rough. (they go up to the bar right next to Nisard)
Vaughn: Water. They start making out. Nisard watches.
Sydney: Bite me. Vaughn bites her. As Sydney bites him, he takes a drink of water and looks at Nisard.Vaughn goes over to the couch. Sydney sticks her fingers in Nisard's drink and then presses them to her neck. Sydney goes over to the couch and continues making out with Vaughn. Nisard continues to watch.
Vaughn: Want me to bite you again?
Sydney: Shut up. Sydney waves her finger to get Nisard to come over. Nisard comes over. Nisard Bon soir. (Sydney stands up) You're enjoying yourselves.
Sydney: He's French. I like the French. They're tender.
Vaughn: (looks at Nisard) Fine.
Sydney: (to Nisard) Are you just gonna stand there and watch all night, or do you wanna get involved?
Nisard: What exactly do you have in mind? The three of them are in the restroom. Sydney has Nisard pinned up against the wall.
Sydney: (to Vaughn) Check the stalls. (he does so)
Nisard: Is he going to join us, or just observe? (Sydney runs her hands along his face)
Vaughn: I think I'll just watch.
Sydney: Suit yourself. Sydney Slams Nisard against the wall. Sydney tries to take his palm pilot, but he stops her. She slams him face first into the wall. She tosses the palm pilot to Vaughn.
Nisard: All this trouble just to rob me? I would have paid handsomely
Vaughn: (hooks something up to the palm pilot) Transmitting.
Marshall: (APO on computer) Receiving transmission. It's encrypted. Standard. Give me a sec.
Sydney: What do you know about Irina Derevko?
Nisard: Who?
Sydney: You'd be surprised what I know about you besides what turns you on. I know who you'v ebetrayed. If you don't tell me what you know-
Nisard: You haven't been watching the news, have you? Bad timing, sweetheart. It's the end of the world. Or haven't you heard. Blackmail is not as effective as it once was.
Marshall: Numbers, numbers, numbers, some past girlfriends. Let's see here, wait a minute. No Elena. No Sloane.
Jack: Stop there. Sydney, there's a mention of Helix in his files.
Sydney: (pulls Nisard's head out of the toilet) Tell me what you know about the Helix Protocol.
Nisard: If you know so much about me, you know this isn't so much a threat as it is a treat. (she puts his head back in the toilet) It's too late. You can't stop this. (she holds his head in the toilet longer) Okay, okay. Please.
Sydney: The Helix protocol.
Nisard: Elena- she found it.
Sydney: Did she use it? Was Irina doubled? (she puts his head in the toilet again)
Nisard: Okay, Okay. Elena wanted people to believe Irina was dead. A follower- a follower agreed to do it.
Sydney: Someone volunteered to be murdered.
Nisard: You have no idea how willing we are to do what is necessary for what is about to come.
Sydney: Is Irina Derevko alive?
Nisard: Of course she is. (he starts laughing) Sydney is shocked.
[SCENE_BREAK]
APO Nadia is watching the screens when Jack comes in.
Jack: Sydney and Vaughn learned that Irina was moved yesterday from Prague. She was taken to a remote location in Guatemala.
Nadia: Is she okay?
Jack: We don't know. While Vaughn secures Lucien Nisard for extradition and transport, you and I are meeting Sydney in country.
Nadia: You don't seem relieved.
Jack: Transport's waiting. (he leaves, Nadia follows) Tikal Nadia, Sydney, Jack drive down a road. They stop and get out of their vehicle. Jack takes out a computer, Nadia and Sydney take out a raft.
Jack: Here's a satellite layout of the camp where your mother's being held. (shows them some sort of map on the laptop) The river will take you within 100 yards of the perimeter.
Nadia: How exactly will we find her?
Jack: See these cold spots? (points to orange dots) They're all carrying automatic weapons. Except for this one.
Sydney: Mom.
Jack: It appears she's being held in the northeast quadrant of the camp. Once you retrieve her, I'll be waiting two kliks down river. Sydney and Nadia set up an inflatable raft.
Sydney: It's okay to be nervous.
Nadia: It's just not about meeting Irina. It's just this feeling.
Sydney: Dread? Darkness?
Nadia: Yeah. How did you know?
Sydney: I've been feeling it too.
Nadia: I never believed in prophecies- you know, fate- but. . .Now I'm not so sure.
Jack: (comes up, holding a bag) Nadia, is this your gear pack?
Nadia: That's some of Irina's clothes from CIA storage. I thought she might need them. (to Sydney) I want to be the one to tell her who I am.
Sydney: Of course. Sydney and Nadia are in the raft on the river. Jack brings them a few things.
Jack: I'll see you both at the exfel point. (they start the motor) Be careful. Down the river they go. They pass some ruins. Later, at night. They use paddles instead of the motor. They go up to the shore and get out of the raft. They start walking through the dark.
Sydney: (to comms) This is Phoenix. We've reached the perimeter.
Jack: Copy that. Proceed. Phoenix, incoming guard. Nadia and Sydney stop walking.
Jack: All clear. Proceed.
Sydney: Copy that. We're moving in. (they continue walking)
Jack: Up ahead 20 yards there should be a small clearing to your left. Sydney and Nadia advance, guns drawn.
Jack: No movement from the guards. You're clear. She's 15 feet straight in front of you.
Sydney: (to Nadia) Over here. This should be it. (they continue walking) They don't see anything.
Sydney: She's not here.
Jack: Phoenix, you're standing right next to her.
Sydney: There's nobody here. This- this can't be it. (she steps on something) Sydney and Nadia clear the leaves away to reveal, a door. They pick the lock and open the door. They see Irina huddled in the corner.
Sydney: Mom? (she jumps down into the hole) Mom. Mom, I'm here.
Irina: S- syd.
Sydney: You're gonna be okay.
Irina: Sydney. Sydney smiles to keep herself from crying. She cuts the ropes from Irina's wrists. Irina puts her hands on Sydney's face.
Irina: I knew you'd come. (Nadia and Sydney help Irina out of the hole) Sydney and Nadia, with Irina between them, start heading back to the river. We hear loud noises and we see a string with noisemakers all over it.
Sydney: Trip wire. (they start to run as guards chase them) Sydney goes flying upside down into the sky. She has her foot stuck in a rope.
Irina: (to Sydney) Give me your knife.
Sydney: I can't reach it.
Nadia: Here, take mine. I'll hold them off. (gives her knife to Irina and runs off as Irina starts cutting through the rope) Nadia has her gun out and creeps up on the guards. She kills one of them and when she goes to take his weapon, another one comes up and kicks her. Nadia falls over, but gets right back up, waving a branch. She hits the guard a couple times. He punches her, too. He tries to choke her. Irina cuts through the rope. Sydney comes falling out of the sky. Nadia jumps and the guard falls.She jumps on him and at the other guard who just came up. She fights him. Her branch breaks. She takes their weapons and runs. She reaches Irina and Sydney.
Nadia: They're right behind us. They start running. Men fire at them from behind. Sydney turns and shoots right back at them. Irina and Nadia get in the raft. They keep shooting. Bad guys drive up in a vehicle and shoot at them. Sydney throws a bomb at them and jumps in the raft. The vehicle explodes. Later. Daytime. Jack is standing against his vehicle. He hears noise and pulls out his gun.
Sydney: Dad. (Sydney, Irina, and Nadia walk on)
Jack: (also takes a couple steps, coming face to face with Irina) Irina. (she punches him in the face, as Sydney and Nadia watch) On the plane. They all sit in various seats.
Sydney: Mom, Elena's already begun. Sloane is with her.
Irina: Sloane, of course. The only person as driven as she is. Though her cruelty runs deeper.
Sydney: I'm sorry we didn't find you sooner, mom. We didn't know. (she tries to take Irina's hand, but she pulls away and grimaces) What did she do to you? (Nadia and Jack look up to listen)
Irina: I found a Rambaldi manuscript- one I knew Elena was looking for. It's called "il diluvio".
Sydney: The flood.
Irina: Rambaldi imagined a moment when the world would be cleansed, when everything would begin anew.
Sydney: An apocalypse.
Irina: When I saw what was in the manuscript, I had to destroy it.
Sydney: Of course. Which is why Elena needed you.
Irina: She kept me in darkness. I don't know. . .where or how long. I had barely enough food, water. There came a time I didn't know whether I was alive or dead. She'd release me only for questioning. Elena was always volatile, quick-tempered. I expected her to get angry and kill me. But she had learned patience. (wipes her eyes) Eventually I was moved to a medical facility and injected with something. The pain was excruciating. I'd go into cardiac arrest. She'd simply stabilize my heartbeat and allow me to rest so I could endure more. And she did this dozens and dozens of times. I couldn't fight it. I told her everything.
Sydney: Mom. . .(Irina takes her hand) Mom. . .
Irina: Sydney, I wish I could spare you from what's about to come, but I need you to come with me.
Sydney: I'm with you.
Irina: We must go to Sevogda.
Jack: Irina, they've activated the Meuller device. The effects are already evident. It's too late for that city.
Irina: Elena's already there. So is Sloane. If we don't stop them now, they'll move on to another city, and another.
Jack: We'll send a team.
Irina: I helped Elena build the device. I can figure out how to destroy it. There are no alternatives.
Jack: Alright. I'll tell the pilot to change course. (he goes to speak with the pilot)
Irina: Is there anywhere I can clean up?
Sydney: (smiles) In the back.
Nadia: (stands up and hands Irina the bag of chlothes) Here, I brought you these.
Irina: Thank you.
Nadia: Just some clothes. Irina turns around and looks directly at Nadia. She puts her hands to Nadia's face and hugs her.
Irina: Oh, sweetheart.
Nadia: Mom. APO Chase walks in.
Chase: Give me an update.
Vaughn: NRO just sent over the satellite images from Sevogda. There was heavy cloud cover. They couldn't see much. Has Langley got anything from inside?
Chase: Yes, DSR has a field team in the city.
Vaughn: What'd they find?
Chase: We made contact, but their transmission was interrupted. Langley's trying to reestablish a connection, but so far they're not responding.
Vaughn: Let me know if I can help.
Chase: Oh, you can. Where's Jack?
Vaughn: He's not here.
Chase: He's acting director on this task force, and right now we're in the middle of a crisis. Where is he?
Vaughn: Right now he's heading up a tactical rescue mission in Guatemala.
Chase: A tactical mission? To rescue whom?
Vaughn: Irina Derevko. Back on the plane.
Jack: We can expect the military perimeter to be heavily guarded. Entry to Sevogda will be at best difficult.
Sydney: Do you have any idea what to expect once we're in there?
Irina: (comes back in and sits) Is this where the device has been activated?
Sydney: Yes.
Irina: Elena and Sloane need to hole up somewhere safe, away from the hazards of the Mueller device.
Jack: (phone rings, he answers) Bristow.
Irina: Perhaps a bunker, a warehouse. Needs to be a fortified location.
Jack: Yes. (hangs up)
Sydney: Dad.
Jack: It was our pilot. Our plane is being diverted. Official orders from Langley. (nobody says anything) Plane has landed. Police vehicles and such.
Sydney: She's working with us. She's not a threat.
Guard: Irina Derevko is a fugitive. You got a problem, you take it to Langley.
Irina: I'll see you. (guards take her away) APO Sydney walks up to Chase.
Sydney: Taking my mother into custody was a mistake.
Chase: Irina Derevko is an enemy of the state.
Sydney: My mother helped Elena engineer the device. She can disarm it.
Chase: She was convicted of espionage, of murdering CIA operatives. Do I need to go on?
Sydney: We don't have time to debate her record. If this were any other situation, I would say fine, interrogate her, vet her intel. But people are dying, and it's only going to get worse.
Chase: It is under control. The matter is being handled.
Sydney: Really? How? By whom?
Chase: The Russians are preparing a tactical air strike of Sevogda. It will be over in a few hours.
Sydney: An air strike, Director Chase, will release toxins into the atmosphere. The results would be catastrophic. This is what Elena wanted. She anticipated how the government would respond. We need to stall the Russians. Let us go in there and shut down the device.
Chase: I will not trust Irina Derevko.
Sydney: When you brought me into APO and placed me under Arvin Sloane's supervision, you asked me to trust you, and I did.
Chase: My mind is made up, Agent Bristow.
Sydney: You put Sloane in charge. You gave Sloane full access to the resources of the CIA. And now he is going to do more harm than you can even imagine. We need to find him and end this, and the only person who can do that is my mother. Please, Director Chase. This time you'll have to trust me. Guards walk Irina into APO, where she meets with Jack.
Jack: Come with me. Jack and Irina sit a atable in an APO room.
Jack: You can accompany us to Sevogda on the condition that if- when we capture Sloane and Elena and deactivate the Mueller device, you will be returned to CIA custody to serve out your sentence.
Irina: Life in prison.
Jack: Yes. (he slides her a paper, she signs it)
Irina: How's your jaw?
Jack: I've been through worse.
Irina: Jack, I understand why you believed you had to kill me, but the truth is, if the situation had been reversed. . . I would have found another way.
Jack: I can't imagine this would give you any comfort, considering what you've been through, but. . .the truth is, there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't regret what I did.
Irina: About my indiscretion with Sloane- I can hope you'll accept my apology.
Jack: Of all the things you've done, that's what you're going to apologize for? (they smile at each other) You're going to enjoy getting to know Nadia. She's exceptional.
Irina: I wonder where she got that from. On the plane. Sydney, Nadia, Jack, Vaughn, Irina, prepare for the mission into Sevogda.
Irina: (to Nadia) Let me help you. (tugs on Nadia's harness) I've seen you all my life, in my mind.
Nadia: When this is over, maybe we could spend some time.
Irina: I'd like that.
Jack: (phone rings, he answers) Yes.
Chase: The Russians are moving up their timetable. I've tried every channel, but they're resolved.
Jack: How long do we have?
Marshall: Uh, about four hours.
Jack: (to team) We have four hours before a tactical strike levels the city.
Vaughn: (to Sydney) Syd, come here. (she goes to him) I had it all planned out.
Sydney: What?
Vaughn: I was gonna take you to the beach, Santa Barbara. We'd go out for a walk, maybe when the sun was setting. But now we're here, and I don't know what we're jumping into. And I may never get another chance to do this again. Sometimes I wake up before you do, and I watch you sleep. And I'm overwhelmed because. . .you're so amazing. And I don't know why I'm lucky enough to have you in my life, but you're here with me. (Sydney nods) And I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you trying to make you as happy as you make me.
Sydney: My God, Vaughn.
Vaughn: (he pulls out the ring box and opens it) Sydney Bristow, will you marry me? (she kisses him)
Sydney: We're gonna make it out of here.
Vaughn: Is that a yes? (they kiss again)
Sydney: Ask me on the beach.
Jack: (stands up) We have sixty seconds. (he makes eye contact with Sydney and they both smile) The hatch door opens up and the five of them stand on the edge. They each put on their helmets and they jump out. They see a huge red ball floating over Sevogda. | Plan: A: 18 months; Q: How long ago did Jack execute Irina? A: the Project Helix; Q: What was the double from that was killed in the flashback? A: Irina's death; Q: What was an elaborate setup by Elena Derevko? A: an encrypted file; Q: What is the Blackwell File? A: an earlier episode; Q: When was the Blackwell File retrieved? A: Nadia; Q: Who was the third member of the team that went to Guatemala to rescue Irina? A: Guatemala; Q: Where was Irina being held? A: the Mueller Device; Q: What device is put into place over Sovogda, Russia? A: Marshall; Q: Who calls the Mueller Device the Big Red Ball? A: the entire population; Q: Who is rioting in Sovogda? A: The Rambaldi prophecy; Q: What prophecy appears to be coming true? A: only Irina; Q: Who has the knowledge to foil Elena and Sloane's plot? A: The team; Q: Who makes a HALO jump into Sovogda in an attempt to shut down the Mueller Device? A: The Russian authorities; Q: Who ordered an airstrike? A: the sphere; Q: What would rupturing the Mueller Device release a vast amount of toxins? A: time; Q: What is running out for the team to shut down the Mueller Device? Summary: The episode begins with a flashback in which Jack executes Irina 18 months prior. It was, however, not Irina who was killed and instead a double from the Project Helix. It is learned that Irina's death was an elaborate setup by Elena Derevko in which Jack was meant to execute the double to make everyone believe she was dead. The information on the double is confirmed through an encrypted file called the Blackwell File (retrieved in an earlier episode). With the knowledge that Irina was still alive, Jack, Sydney, and Nadia stage a search and rescue in Guatemala where Irina was being held. While all this is going on, a device known as the Mueller Device (Marshall calls it the Big Red Ball) is put into place over Sovogda, Russia, the entire population of which is rioting much like the frenzied bees from In Dreams.... The Rambaldi prophecy appears to be coming true and only Irina has the knowledge to foil Elena and Sloane's plot. The team makes a HALO jump into Sovogda in an attempt to shut down the Mueller Device. The Russian authorities have ordered an airstrike, but since rupturing the sphere would release a vast amount of toxins, time is running out. |
At Roberts'
Taylor: Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Ryan. Oh, my God.
Ryan: It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. It's all right. Uh, okay, I'm going to count to three and you're going to get out of here, okay?
Taylor: No, no, no, you're goingto hurt yourself.
Ryan: Don't have a choice. All right, one, two, three.
Taylor: Okay, okay.
Ryan: Go. Go, go, go, go.
Taylor: Ryan Ryan? Are you okay?
Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. You?
Taylor: Yeah. I'm fine, thanks to you. Hey, Ryan?
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Taylor: I'm sorry I was all, "Oh, my God, Oh, my God." 'Cause usually I'm very good in a crisis. But I just started thinking about if anything happened to you and I don't know what I would do.
Ryan: It's okay, we're both okay.
Taylor: It's just that grace under fire is a very important quality and I don't want you to think that I'm lacking in it, because we might encounter all sorts of crisis when we're away together, like, at college. Oh, my God, is that blood? I faint at the sight of blood.
Ryan: Oh, no, no, no, it's just glitter. Taylor. I'm okay. All that stuff we put on the table just now, let's, uh, let's talk about it later, okay?
Taylor: Right, yeah. That's probably a good idea, when, you know, the power's back on and we're not sitting in rubble.
Ryan: Um, I'm going to call Kirsten and Sandy. Where's my jacket? Oh, gross. Sorry.
Taylor: You know, I've actually stockpiled some rudimentary supplies in case of, you know, the Apocalypse or whatever. I got all sorts of stuff in there. Got extra tennis shoes and flashlights and canned goods and... A space heater...
Ryan: I'm not... Hey... getting good reception here. I'm going to step out in the hall.
Taylor: Okay... Jettey
Reporter: Yes, Orange County, as you probably figured out, that was an earthquake. So far, no reports of fatalities, but power is out, cell lines are jammed and the roads are for emergency vehicles only. As more information comes in we'll relay it to you. So if you're safe, stay calm and stay put.
Sandy: So we got our marching orders and our staying put orders. So no one's to leave the plaza unless they have to.
Woman: What are we going to do with everyone? People are scared. They'll get hungry. And what about looters?
Sandy: We just have to get organized. Also, keep the radio on and gather up anything you think might be useful: flashlights, blankets, water, batteries, you'll be fine.
Kirsten: I can't get through to either of the boys.
Sandy: Well, keep trying. How about you? We should get you to the hospital.
Kirsten: I'm fine, it's just a bump on the head. Mine. Not his or hers. Ryan, where are you? They're at the Cooper house with Taylor.
Sandy: Tell him to stay there.
Kirsten: Okay. Just stay there, okay.
Sandy: Seth?
Seth: Hey, Dad. Yeah, yeah, we're okay. I wish I could say the same for Ryan's car though. How's Mom? And Ryan? Ryan and Taylor are at your house. Yeah, sounds good, we'll do that. All right, take care.
Summer: Found a flashlight.
Seth: I can see that. Which is good, 'cause we can use it. We're going to have to get back to my house on foot. My dad thinks we should get off the streets.
Summer: Why? Did he hear something? About aftershocks or looters or...
Seth: Zombies? I know, that was my first thought, too. But no, it's just a precaution. It's Ryan.
Summer: Is everyone okay?
Seth: Yeah, we just have to make a little change of plans. Generic In the street
Summer: Your dad said to go home.
Seth: But I think we should all be together.
Summer: This is a bad idea.
Seth: We're almost there.
Summer: No, we're not.
Seth: It's just a few more minutes.
Summer: Well, I know where my house is okay? Look, I command you to stop this bike. I'm sorry, okay but I'm starting to get a little creeped out. Not that I don't want to play Pictionary by candlelight and raid Taylor's Apocalypse kit, but I think we should just go to your house.
Seth: Okay, but I'm still awaiting on news of Pancakes.
Summer: Pancakes? You said Ryan said everyone was fine.
Seth: I know, but I don't know that he included rodents in his head count, so I texted him to be sure.
Summer: And?
Seth: And I'm still waiting on the reply.
Summer: Maybe I should pedal. You look a little tired. Fine. Go! Ice cream shop
Julie: Frank, hi, it's Julie. I hope you're okay. Kaitlin and I are fine, I mean, we're trapped at the ice cream store on the pier, but we're fine. I guess help is probably on the way. Okay, well... take care, bye.
Kaitlin: Look, I understand why you keep on calling Summer and the Cohens, but why Frank? I mean, weren't you guys supposed to take it down a notch?
Julie: Kaitlin, just because we're pulling things back a little bit doesn't mean that we've stopped caring about each other. I'm sure wherever Frank is, he's worried about us, just like I am about him. And
Kaitlin: I am about myself, because we're stuck here with him.
Gary: The back door is stuck, too. Looks like there's no way out. We're trapped.
Kaitlin: Figures.
Julie: We can't just sit here waiting to be rescued.
Kaitlin: Totally. No, we should start eating all the melting ice cream. I want a gold medal ribbon on a...
Gary: Sugar cone, I know.
Kaitlin: Creepy, but convenient. Okay, ice-cream guy, start scooping.
Gary: It's Gary, my name.
Julie: Okay. I'm thinking the roof, or where the roof used to be. Ice-cream guy, got a ladder?
Gary: You can't climb up there.
Julie: I'm not going to, you are. At Roberts'
Taylor: And this is my personal safety device. It's a flashlight, it's a radio, it's a cell phone charger, it's a siren and it's a compass. Hmm. North is that way.
Ryan: Handy.
Taylor: Also got canned goods, batteries, water, ooh, a gas mask and-- that's right-- North Korean currency, because you just never know. Hey, why are you wearing a jacket? Are you cold? Let me get my space blanket. It preserves up to 80% body heat.
Reporter: A bit of bad news just in. Our first fatality. Not a lot of information, a pedestrian hit by a downed power li...
Ryan: No reason to think its anyone we know.
Taylor: Yeah, of course not. Still, aren't families supposed to reach out to each other in times of uncertainty?
Ryan: I know the phones are messed up, but you were able to get through to Sandy and he was able to get through to Seth. Uh, right, you're worried about your mom.
Taylor: Yeah. She gave birth to me. If I'm worried she may be hurt, then shouldn't she be worried about me? I think we need to go over there and check on her.
Ryan: To her house?
Taylor: Yes, Ryan. I know my mom is a total bitch, but she's still my mom, and she doesn't drink a lot of milk so her bones are probably very brittle and she's always been kind of scared of the dark...
Ryan: Taylor, Taylor, we can't go over there. Seth and Summer are coming over here.
Taylor: What? Since when?
Ryan: Since Seth texted me. He said that they were.
Taylor: I thought Sandy said it was safest for us to stay where we are.
Ryan: No, no, no, Sandy said that it's safer for all of us to be together. Yatch club
Sandy: All right, folks, we got to remain calm and we got to remain here. Anyone in need of medical attention, please identify yourself to this gentleman, and everyone who is willing to help anyone who might need it, please come over and introduce yourself to me. The good news is, we got everything we need here. We got shelter, we got food, we got water. We got fine literature, chips and salsa, so if we all stay together, we can get through this no problem. All right?
Kirsten: This is like Berkeley 1989.
Sandy: Oh, you say that so warmly.
Kirsten: Not that I'm fond of natural disasters, but there is nothing sexier than your husband calming an angry mob.
Sandy: Now, are you okay?
Kirsten: Yeah, I know I've been complaining about Newport a lot lately, but it just breaks my heart to see it like this. I'm going to pass these out.
Sandy: All right. Hello?
Frank: Oh, hey, Sandy, I'm glad I finally got a hold of you. Are you with Ryan?
Sandy: Oh, no, Frank, but he's at the Cooper house with Taylor. He's fine, we're all fine.
Frank: That's great news. And Julie and Kaitlin, they're at the house too, right?
Sandy: That I don't know.
Frank: Do you have any idea where they might be?
Sandy: I'm sorry, I don't, but I'm sure they're going to try to get in touch with you, and if I hear anything at all, I'll call you.
Frank: I... yeah, yeah, thanks, Sandy. Great. Ice cream shop
Julie: Okay, Gary, how's it look up there? Can you climb down and get some help?
Gary: Um... not really.
Julie: Why not? What's going on?
Gary: We're on an island, all alone.
Kaitlin: Look, we appreciate the imagery and all that, but this is no time for existential metaphors.
Gary: No. Really. The pier's been washed out. At Roberts'
Taylor: Summer, you're okay!
Summer: I am so glad to see you.
Seth: Hey, where's Ryan?
Taylor: He's...
Ryan: Hey.
Summer: Hey, Atwood. I got to look for Pancakes.
Taylor: Oh, my God! Pancakes! I'm gonna go with you.
Seth: Great. While you guys do that, Ryan and I will, uh...
Ryan: Go.
Seth: Yeah, we're gonna go.
Taylor: Where are you gonna go?
Summmer: Yeah, we just got here.
Seth: Well, we need supplies.
Taylor: I have supplies.
Ryan: No, I know, but, uh, who knows how long those will last.
Seth: Yeah, and there'll probably be a run, especially when the zombies come out.
Ryan: Look, guys, we'll be fine. Just stay here, lock the doors and don't open them.
Seth: Summer, Pancakes needs you right now.
Summer: Be careful.
Seth: 'Kay, come back soon. Okay.
Ryan: What's up?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Taylor: Don't you think the boys were acting weird?
Summer: The shifty looks, finishing eachother's sentences like they're composing a lie on the spot?
Taylor: Yes.
Summer: Totally normal for them.
Taylor: I don't know, I feel lik they're hiding something.
Summer: If it's not the location of Pancakes, I'm not interested. Oh, no. He was in his cage. He's gone! Oh, no. Pancakes? Pancakes? Pancakes?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: Okay, I didn't want to worry Taylor. She's pretty upset, and she's got this thing about blood.
Seth: Blood?
Ryan: Yeah. Don't freak, okay? I-I-I need you to not freak.
Seth: Okay. Why would I freak out?
Ryan: It's not that bad, is it?
Seth: Dude, it's bad.
In the car
Ryan: Seth, the hospital is, like, a mile away.
Seth: I know, which is why I'm taking the secret back roads way that's only a half mile. That was sarcasm. I'm pretty sure my shortcut got us lost.
Ryan: Well, the ocean's on one side, the land's on the other. I'm sure you'll figure it out. That was sarcasm, too. Sorry.
Seth: No, hey, so you're a little on edge. A giant glass spear in the back will do that to a guy.
Ryan: It's not a spear.
Seth: What is it, more of a spike or a skewer?
Ryan: Dude, you're doing a terrible job of trying to keep my mind off the pain. You're supposed to talk about something else, not the thing causing the pain.
Seth: True, but the real question is, what are you doing to keep my mind off of your pain? 'Cause right now you're not looking too good and I'm starting to feel... What was that?
Ryan: Uh, seems like we hit something.
Seth: Oh, God, not a body.
Ryan: All right, well, pull over or something. All right, go out and check, I guess.
Seth: With the zombies?
Ryan: You watch way too many movies. Ice cream shop
Gary: You guys are amazing.
Julie: Uh, no. We're not.
Kaitlin: No. It's just something we do.
Julie: I used to sing that to Kaitlin when she was little and scared.
Gary: Isn't that, uh, kind of inappropriate? I mean, given the sexual content of the lyrics.
Kaitlin: Well, it was the only song she knew all the words to.
Julie: That and "Pour Some Sugar on Me."
Gary: Ah. Well, this is really fun. Staying up late, eating sweets, singing songs. It's like summer camp. Coed summer camp with really hot camp counselors.
Kaitlin: No offense, Gary, but this is barely entertaining me.
Julie: Yeah, Gary, young guy in Newport, cool job... you must have a lot of fun.
Gary: Not really.
Kaitlin: No friends?
Julie: No girls?
Gary: Well... there is one girl.
Julie: Oh, well, you only need one, as long as it's a good one.
Gary: She's an amazing one.
Kaitlin: Well, are you guys serious?
Gary: Pretty serious. You know, thinking about taking it to the next level.
Julie: Oh, the next level. That's very serious.
Kaitlin: Yeah, you haven't asked her out yet, have you?
Gary: Not yet, no.
Kaitlin: Well, what's the holdup? I mean, if she's as hot as she sounds.
Gary: It's not her. It's me. She's a great girl. And I'm... the ice cream guy.
Julie: Oh, what the hell; we have nothing better to do.
Kaitlin: Yep, today is your lucky day.
Gary: Awesome! I mean, wait, what do you mean?
Julie: Well, first, we have to get rid of that dorky bow tie.
Kaitlin: Yeah, and an apron is friend to no man.
Julie: Surely we can do something with this hair. I think I have some nail scissors in my purse, hmm? In the car
Seth: I can't get anyone on the phone.
Ryan: Eh, that's okay, I'll, uh, I'll walk you through it. Just open up the back door. It's easy, don't worry about it.
Seth: Ryan, you're asking me to use tools and exert myself physically. I think we both know where this is going.
Ryan: Yeah, okay, well, uh, start by putting the jack under the frame by the, uh, by the door there. Yeah.
Seth: The jack is this thing with the handle, right?
Ryan: Yeah. Actually, wait. First, um... loosen the bolts with that wrench. All right.
Seth: There we go. Okay. All right, you may find this hard to believe, Ryan, but when I was younger, I used to be a bit of a worrier. You don't say. To distract myself from worrying, I would sometimes make lists. Didn't matter what the lists were. They could be anything-- every cereal I've ever eaten, or... uh, the names of every planet mentioned in Star Wars. Whatever.
Ryan: Anyways... You want to make a list, Seth?
Seth: Huh? Oh, yeah, whatever. I mean, sure, if you want to. We could start with everyone you've ever punched in the face since moving to Newport. First would be... Luke at Holly's beach house.
Ryan: Yeah, and number two would be Luke.
Seth: Right. At the diner.
Ryan: Yeah, and again at the mall.
Seth: What about Holly's dad at Cotillion?
Ryan: That was more of a tackle.
Seth: Which takes us back to Luke.
Ryan: Yeah, in T.J. At Roberts'
Taylor: Summer, do you really think Pancakes is in the attic? Like he pulled down the ladder, hopped up and-and then put it away?
Summer: Well, we have checked everywhere else. Light.
Taylor: Be careful. Oh... gross.
Summer: It's okay.
Taylor: What is that?
Summer: That's Uncle Alistair.
Taylor: That's your uncle?
Summer: Yeah. No. It's, uh, my dad's skeleton from med school. He called him Uncle Alistair. I don't know why.
Taylor: God, well, I don't want to meet any of your other relatives, so let's just find Pancakes and go.
Summer: Okay. Pancakes. Pancakes. Don't be afraid. It's just me.
Taylor: Summer, you're such a good mother.
Summer: Thanks.
Taylor: When I think of the lengths that you're going to to save your adopted rabbit son, and my own mother can't even pick up the phoneand send me a text message saying, "Hi. Are you alive?"
Summer: That's okay, you have us now. Seth and I rode on a bicycle just so we could be here together, and Julie and Kaitlin left a message and the Cohens asked about you.
Taylor: Yeah, I know you're right.
Summer: You know, if there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's you make your own family. It seems to me that you've scraped together quite an awesome one.
Taylor: Wait.
Summer: What?
Taylor: You hear that?
Summer: Where?
Taylor: In the vent.
Summer: It's Pancakes. Pancakes? Pancakes? Here. Pancakes? Pancakes? Um, stay there, Pancakes. Let's pry this open. Okay. Pancakes? There he is!
Taylor: It's an aftershock-- it'll stop in a second. Ice cream shop
Kaitlin: Oh, my God. Yatch club
Sandy:: Kirsten? Kirsten? Kirsten?
Woman: Over here, Mr. Cohen.
Sandy: Kirsten.
Kirsten: Sandy. Something is not right. I could have lost the baby. In the car
Seth: Nothing works. It's like an information blackout.
Ryan: Well, the aftershock probably took out a power line or something.
Seth: So listen, I'm going to go on foot and get help, I think.
Ryan: No, no, no.
Seth: Well, we can't stay here. I don't even know where here is.
Ryan: Well, I'm going with you.
Seth: No, it's cool. Listen, I'm going to come back as soon as I can. Promise.
Ryan: What about the zombies?
Seth: That's a really good point. Okay. All right, buddy. We have to keep you alert and on your feet. Now, when last we checked the list... Need some help?
Ryan: Yeah.
Seth: ...we were on Trey. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe we went from Trey to a lengthy Volchok period.
Ryan: Hey, thanks for this.
Seth: Yeah. Now, unless you hit that Chili guy or Johnny I know a lot of people were rooting for that.
Ryan: Well, I did punch Johnny's dad. Or a bounty hunter who worked for him.
Seth: Johnny's dad was a bounty hunter?
Ryan: Oh, yeah. I never told you that? At the hospital
Sandy: Excuse me, Doctor. My wife needs to see someone right away.
Doctor: What happened?
Kirsten: I fell down some stairs.
Doctor: You break anything?
Kirsten: I don't think so, but...
Sandy: She needs help.
Doctor: Everyone here needs help, sir. You can fill out this form and wait your turn.
Sandy: She's pregnant.
Doctor: Any bleeding?
Kirsten: No, but something isn't... isn't right.
Doctor: I'm sorry. Try to make yourself comfortable.
Sandy: Hang on a second.
Kirsten: Sandy...
Sandy: Hang on one second, all right? I'll be right back. Excuse me, Doctor. My wife would never complain. She would never put her needs in front of anybody else's. But I am not that proud. I am not that selfless. I am begging you,please, please, to give her and our baby priority.
Doctor: I'd like to help, really, but...
Man: You can have my spot. That's me. Go.
Sandy: Thank you. Honey.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ice cream shop
Kaitlin: Oh, great. We're out of candles, and now the ice cream is melted.
Julie: Honey, please. Stop worrying.
Kaitlin: Stop worrying? We're about to be washed out to sea.
Julie: I'm sorry. You're right.
Kaitlin: I'm... I'm right? I thought I was exaggerating.
Julie: I'm going up there.
Kaitlin: To do what? To go swim out to shore?
Julie: I don't know. Assess the situation... figure it out. I'm your mother. It's my job.
Gary: Wait. You can't do that.
Julie: Why not?
Gary: Because... I'm having an asthma attack... from the stress!
Julie: Oh, my... Oh, my God. Do you have an inhaler? Or like an Epi pen? I could stab you.
Gary: Maybe... we could just... sing "Night Moves"? I think it might calm me.
Kaitlin: Really?
Gary: Please.
Julie: That's good. That's good. That's good.
Kaitlin: Okay, I think he needs, like, CPR or something. I learned this when I was in Junior Lifeguard. Oh! Gross! What the heck was the tongue for? He tried to kiss me!
Gary: I'm sorry.
Julie: Young man, what is going on? Oh, my. The girl you like?
Kaitlin: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. At Roberts'
Taylor: Pancakes!
Summer: I think I hear something this way.
Taylor: Summer, how come we keep looking for Pancakes when there's a giant elephant in the room?
Summer: We walk around the elephant. It may be big, but we are crafty.
Taylor: The boys should have been back over an hour ago. Aren't you worried?
Summer: No, I'm not worried. I'm freaking terrified, okay? That's why I'm focusing on just finding Pancakes and not about the fact that my boyfriend could be laying on the side of the road ravaged by zombies.
Taylor: Okay, well, let's go look for them.
Summer: In what? They took the only car. Have you thought of that?
Taylor: Well, let's listen to the radio and see if there's any news.
Summer: The radio stopped working with the aftershock.
Taylor: What was that?
Summer: Pancakes? Maybe it was Ryan and Seth.
Taylor: Why would they need to break a window?
Summer: I don't know. What do we do? Quick, hide!
Taylor: Shh! No, no, no. Summer, wait. I've got a betteridea. Summer, come here. Ice cream shop
Julie: You received a makeover under false pretenses.
Kaitlin: You lied about having asthma.
Julie: Do you even like Bob Seger?
Gary: I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. I mean, I do know, but I'm embarrassed. Kaitlin, you come in here all the time, and you look right through me like I don't even exist.
Kaitlin: I'm sorry.
Gary: Don't be. I mean, why would a girl like you pay any attention to a guy like me? I know the only reason you'd ever get to know me is if you had no choice. Tonight, that happened, and it felt like fate. I didn't want it to end.
Kaitlin: I guess, I mean, that's understandable.
Julie: But what do you mean, you didn't want it to end? What the...?
Kaitlin: Mom...
Julie: It's okay. Frank!
Frank: Just got your message. I was so worried.
Julie: Oh, me, too!
Kaitlin: Go for it. There was a flipping earthquake.
Julie: But wait. How did you get here? What about the pier?
Frank: What about it? The pier is fine. At the hospital
Doctor: There's a heartbeat.
Kirsten: Thank God.
Doctor: The baby is under stress and, after a fall, there can be a rupture. Separation.
Sandy: Can you treat that?
Doctor: We still have some more tests to run. In the street
Seth: Okay, I've always wondered this. In your opinion, who is a better food industry server? Chloe, the magical waitress from Albuquerque, or Donny, the angry busboy who shot Luke?
Ryan: I'll go with Chloe on that one.
Seth: Good. That's what I figured. That's what I figured. Okay. Okay. Desert island. Sadie, the tough as nails yet soulful jewelry maker or Lindsay, my grandfather's illegitimate, bookish love child?
Ryan: I can't, Seth.
Seth: Sure... sure you can. It's very easy.
Ryan: Go on. Just go.
Seth: I'm not going to go alone.
Ryan: We need help, man. I need help. Just sit me down, okay?
Seth: All right. Okay, but I'm going to come right back.
Ryan: I know. At Roberts'
Summer: Do you hear that?
Taylor: No.
Summer: Exactly. It's quiet now. Maybe they moved on.
Taylor: Or... maybe they're just faking us out. There we go. Locked and loaded. Just how mama likes it.
Summer: Taylor, a gun? Where did you get that? Are you crazy?
Taylor: It's Jimmy Cooper's flare gun. I found it in the hall closet when I was looking for rain gear.
Symmer: Yeah, but it's not raining.
Taylor: Well, this was last November. What? Jimmy doesn't need it anymore, and it's cold, and it's shiny, and it feels so good in my... Here. You try it.
Summer: Eww! I'm not touching your pistol. That is stupid and dangerous. Oh, my God. Go 187 on that zombie ass.
Taylor: It's in the kitchen. Follow me. Stop or I'll shoot!
Veronica: Oh, my God! I've been hit!
Taylor: Mom?
Veronica: Taylor, you shot me!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Veronica: I came here because I was worried about you.
Taylor: I know, Mom, and it really means a lot to me that you did.
Veronica: Save it that's the last maternal instinct I'll ever have, since you shot me.
Taylor: It was just a toe nick. You're totally fine.
Veronica: Until sandal season! Taylor, I'm going to have to see a plastic surgeon right away.
Taylor: I already told you, there's no way to get you to the hospital. You're just going to have to tough it out!
Summer: Pancakes is hurt!
Veronica: What? Oh, no! A rabbit?
Summer: I found him in the garage, and he was limping.
Taylor: Let me see. Careful. Baby, come here. Let me see. You know, he seems like he's okay. Maybe it's just a sprain.
Summer: No, I can't take a chance, okay? I have to go get him help.
Taylor: Summer, you can't. It's too dangerous.
Summer: I cannot wait here any longer, okay? I have a missing boyfriend and a sick rabbit. I cannot listen to any more of your mother's whining.
Taylor: Okay, I'll go with you. We'll brave the zombies together. Mom, we're going to need to take Pancakes to the hospital.
Veronica: Wait. This carrion gets help, but not me?
Taylor: We don't have a car, you can't walk. There is no way to get you there.
Veronica: Taylor, I risked my life and hoofed it all the way from Emerald Bay, and you're just going to leave me here to rot?
Summer: I have an idea, but I don't think you're going to like it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Veronica: This is not okay with me.
Summer: Well, I told you you wouldn't like it.
Taylor: Mom, it's not that far to the hospital, and it's kind of this or nothing.
Veronica: Fine, but I'm not holding the rabbit... unless you promise I can make a vest out of him.
Summer: I'll carry Pancakes.
Ice cream shop
Gary: Kaitlin, if you'll just listen...
Kaitlin: I heard you, you're sorry. I get it.
Gary: Truthfully, I'm not sorry. Tonight was the best night of my life.
Kaitlin: Gary...
Gary: Given the chance, I'd do everything exactly the same.
Julie: Kaitlin, honey, you coming?
Kaitlin: Oh, yeah, just give me one second.
Julie: Okay, we'll wait for you in the car.
Kaitlin: Look, I should go. But I am into ice cream, and you're obviously hooked up as far as that goes. And the makeover was pretty successful. And the asthma attack had me completely fooled.
Gary: Sweet.
Kaitlin: So I guess once you guys get this place back up and running, I'll come stop by.
Gary: Gold Medal Ribbon on the house. Best... earthquake... ever. Hospital
Sandy: Dr. Harris, are those my wife's tests?
Doctor: Oh, no, Mr. Cohen, it's going to be awhile before we get the results.
Sandy: Oh, of course, it's just a little bit too soon for that. I know you have your hands full.
Doctor: Yes, we have a pretty full house right now.
Sandy: Well, as soon as you know anything, you know, good or bad... if you could please let me know.
Doctor: I will, of course.
Sanndy: Let me know first, just so I can prepare my wife.
Doctoc: Of course. Thank you.
Sandy: I mean, it's kind of crazy in that we have two other boys that are just going off to college, so we were expecting to have an empty nest, you know, when then, all of a sudden, this unplanned, miraculous event and, well, uh, the fact of the matter is, I can't imagine anything worse than an empty nest so, uh... Anything you can do for that, uh, for that little baby, please, do it. I'll get out of your hair right now, okay?
Doctor: I'll come find you.
Sandy: I'll be right there, all right?
Doctor: Okay. Thank you.
Sandy: Yes, of course. In the street
Darryl: You feel that?
Seth: Darryl?
Darryl: Hey, Seth. How's the earthquake treating you?
Seth: Uh, not too well. I need to ask for your help.
Darryl: Sure, but how can I help you?
Seth: Well, I'm guessing you don't have a, uh, like, a car or a walkie-talkie?
Darryl: This shopping cart's my only worldly possession.
Seth: Okay, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you for it.
Darryl: Sorry, no way. I'll give you my pants.
Seth: No, no, they look better on you. Listen. It has a flat tire and possibly a broken axle, but it's a $70,000 car and it's all yours in exchange for the cart.
Darryl: Sweet.
Seth: Stay here, I'll come back to draw you a map. At the hospital
Doctor: Because it's a rabbit.
Summer: It's a he, and I'm aware of his species. but that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel pain and that he isn't hurt. Please, if you have a shred of humanity, or animality in your body, you won't deprive this poor, little, adorable bunny of quality medical care.
Doctor: Well, I did do a year of veterinarian school.
Summer: Really?
Doctor: Maybe if there's an X-ray machine free, I'll...
Summer: Thank you. Thank you. In the car
Julie: I still can't believe that guy kept us there for no reason.
Frank: I don't know. I think his reasons are pretty good. When a guy gets around a girl he's crazy about, sometimes reason goes out the window. He forgets to take things slow.
Kaitlin: Well, sometimes, when a girl gets around a guy she's not too crazy about, she does some pretty stupid things, too. I'm sorry for posting your mug shot up in the ladies' room at Taylor's birthday.
Frank: Well, it showed a lot of creativity.
Julie: Speaking of creativity, Kaitlin... clown p0rn?
Frank: I'm not even going to ask where that came from.
Kaitlin: I found it in Dr. Robert's study. You guys will believe absolutely anything. Hey, Frank, have you ever considered cutting your hair?
Julie: Is that Seth?
Kaitlin: Oh, my God, pull over. At the hospital
Taylor: Mom, I'm really sorry I shot you. I know we don't always get along, but... I really love you.
Veronica: I love you, too.
Taylor: I... don't think I've ever heard you say that before.
Veronica: Taylor, that's why I went to Julie's. After the earthquake happened, all I could think about was you.
Taylor: Oh, my God, Mom, me, too.
Veronica: I was shot because I was such a total failure as a mother. It never even occurred to you that I would come looking for you.
Taylor: But you did. So...
Veronica: So.
Taylor: Mom...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Seth: Hi. I guess this is the point where I'm supposed to tell you that you gave us all quite a scare, except I was never scared.
Ryan: Oh, yeah, I know that. Me, on the other hand...
Seth: The doctors say you're going to be fine. Although you're going to have to wrap your head around the fact that we're really brothers now. We're blood brothers.
Ryan: You donated blood?
Seth: Ah, I had an extra few pints flowing through my veins. It was no big deal.
Ryan: You're not a big fan of needles.
Seth: Nor of fainting, it turns out. But the bank was a little low and us O-negative guys got to stick together.
Ryan: That's weird, 'cause all of a sudden I have this strange urge to listen to Death Cab and read comic books.
Seth: Really?
Ryan: No, I'm kidding.
Seth: Oh, that's too bad, 'cause if we could have turned this into a body-swap comedy, we could have squeezed another year or two out of this.
Ryan: So listen, I don't know if I've said this at all today, but...
Seth: You did. But after all the times you've saved me, I was up, so...
Ryan: All right. Where's everyone else? How are, how are the girls? Kirsten, Sandy?
Seth: Uh, the girls are fine. Veronica Townsend and Pancakes, however, have matching casts. And Frank is here with Julie and Kaitlin. He gave me a ride, brought you here. Um, but my mom and dad are doing some tests with the doctor, 'cause she fell.
Ryan: Is it bad?
Sandy: Hey, boys.
Seth: Mom.
Ryan: I'm so sorry.
Kirsten: Everything's fine. The baby's okay. She's okay.
Seth: She?
Sandy: It's a girl.
Beach
Darryl: Sweet. Cool. At Cohen's
Sandy: Well, looks like the old girl held up pretty good.
Kirsten: I can't wait to have a hot shower with the hot water we don't have.
Ryan: I'll settle for sleeping in my own bed.
Seth: Or sleeping anywhere.
Sandy: Come on, I'll fire up the grill, we'll get the camp stove going, it'll be fun. Oh my God ! The Cohens find their home in ruins. End of the episode. | Plan: A: the earthquake; Q: What event caused Ryan to tell Seth he needs to get to the hospital? A: Ryan; Q: Who tells Seth he needs to get to the hospital? A: Taylor; Q: Who takes control when she and Summer hear an intruder in their home? A: An aftershock; Q: What causes Kirsten to wonder if her unborn baby is still alive? A: Kaitlin; Q: Who is trapped in an ice cream store with Julie? Summary: After the earthquake, Ryan tells Seth he needs to get to the hospital, but doesn't want to worry Taylor. An aftershock leaves Kirsten wondering if her unborn baby is still alive. Taylor takes control when she and Summer hear an intruder in their home. Kaitlin and Julie are trapped in an ice cream store. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Dewey: Hand over them gator teeth.
Reggie: Make me.
Boyd: So, how about you come out, say what it is you got to say?
Ava: I'm a snitch. I'm a C.I. for Raylan.
Wynn: Where did you get this?
Art: That came from an old-time U.S. Attorney named Simon Poole, and it was sealed about 15 years ago.
Wynn: Congratulations. You got me. I was a rat.
Raylan: What would happen if Katherine hale found out that you're the one who got her husband killed?
Wynn: I helped you out once before.
Maybe there is a way I can help you out again. At some point in our line of work, If you want to survive, this is what you do.
Mike: Not me. I got a code, and it does not include turning on my people.
Boon: Name's Boon. Pleased to meet you.
Raylan: I wouldn't rush to judgment on that.
Boon: Man, you are everything I'd hoped for, right down to the hat.
Raylan: Well, I feel I should warn you Markham's previous employees have not fared well in these parts.
Loretta: Every one of you who has been approached about your property, this is my offer. I will give you cash for your land, same as Markham, but the difference is I don't want to move you guys out.
Just want to move some seed in.
Throw in with me, and we'll make Harlan prosperous our own selves. Give this county back to the people the way we all know it should be!
[cheers and applause]
Raylan: We need to get to your vault. I believe you're being robbed.
Markham: Whatever that blast was, it wasn't enough.
Raylan: One thing that didn't occur to me ... dipshit's not capable of pulling it off.
What did you say to your goddamn uncle? You trying to kill me now?! Is that it?
Ava: What the hell are you talking about?! Your uncle tried to blow me up!
Ava: Is Zachariah dead?
Boyd: I don't know, Ava.
Ava: And the money?
Boyd: Still in the vault. It won't be for long. They're gonna move it tonight. And that's when I'm gonna hit it.
Katherine: Can I assume our partner kept you in the dark about his plan to blow up a building I was standing in?
Wynn: Well, in his defense, he probably figured you'd be ready for it, being under the impression that Markham intended
to move the money as soon as the party ended.
Who gave him that impression?
Wynn: I did.
Katherine: Do you want to explain that?
Wynn: Your, uh, reaction to his wedding proposal made me worried you were about to pull the rug out.
Katherine: You really are a b*st*rd, you know that?
Wynn: Then you should count yourself lucky we're on the same side.
We are still on the same side, aren't we, Katherine?
Katherine: Do you really need to ask?
Wynn: What I really need is for you to find out if your fiancé still intends to relocate his money.
Katherine: Oh, you mean now that you've managed to manipulate Boyd into setting his vault on fire?
Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't been able to get ahold of avery for hours.
Wynn: Well, I ... he must have a lot on his mind. Can, uh ... can I assume that you'll be in touch once you hear from him?
Katherine: Wynn, I want that money as much as you do.
Wynn: Then you can imagine what I'm willing to do to get it.
[click]
[sighs] Jesus Christ.
Raylan: That should put you at ease ... knowing Boyd hasn't talked to Katherine, discovered your lie, plug you as soon as you walk in his door?
Wynn: Actually, I was thinking I don't need to walk in his door.
Whatever she gets from Markham, she can give directly to Boyd. There's no need to keep me as the go-between.
Tim: Oh, dangling the bait's only step one. You need to report back to us on Boyd's plan.
Raylan: We're giving you a chance to atone for tonight's screw-up.
Wynn: You told me to tell Boyd the money's was on the move. I told him. He moved. It is not my fault it went bad.
Raylan: Unless you told him to make it look like it went bad so we'd have nothing meaningful to bust him on.
Wynn: And I would do that, what, out of my, uh, deep and abiding affection for Boyd Crowder?
Raylan: Normally, Wynn, I like to avoid pondering your motivations. If I had to guess, though, I'd say you're trying to preserve whatever chance you got left at the $10 million.
Wynn: Well, in that case, gentlemen, thank you for once again allowing me to prove my loyalty to the United States... [sighs] Marshals Service.
♪ Baby, let's be bad ♪ ♪ baby, let's be bad ♪ ♪ have more fun that way ♪
[door opens]
♪ baby, let's be bad ♪
Boyd: I wasn't sure you'd show.
Ava: Come on, Boyd ... you know Ellstin Limehouse has made a fortune being the man folks can count on in times of trouble.
Limehouse: And I recall you yourself have benefited from that on more than one occasion.
Ava: And on reflection, I wonder if the benefit warranted the cost.
Limehouse: You know, all the women I gave sanctuary to all these years, there's only one I regret?
Boyd: Ava ... me and Limehouse are gonna step into the office, do some business, okay? Come on.
Limehouse: Hell, you look like you've seen a ghost, if you don't mind my saying.
Boyd: I didn't see one so much as I almost became one. I did something I knew always brings me trouble.
Limehouse: And what is that? I went back down a mine.
Limehouse: You find what you was looking for, at least? [sighs] What say we cut the small talk? I don't like you. Not only do you know it, but you damn well feel the same about me. Now, simple truth is, you're the only man I know who can get me what I need, and I'm willing to pay you more money than you've ever made for doing it.
Limehouse: So you fixing to leave this place, huh? How many reasons you gonna give me for having your back?
Boyd: $50,000.
Limehouse: Is that for you or for the both of you?
Boyd: For the both of us.
Limehouse: [laughs] You know, that reward money you collected for that Walker fella was, uh, it was $100,000, if I recall ... it's what I heard on the radio.
Boyd: [chuckles] How did I know you were gonna say that?
Limehouse: Well, sir, you shall have your clean out... and vanish like you had disappeared in that mine... on one condition.
Boyd: Name it.
Limehouse: That when you're gone, you will never again set foot in Harlan County.
Boyd: You ain't got to ask me twice.
[music]
[title music]
♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪ ♪ ... an old love letter ♪
[door opens]
♪ marked return ♪
Raylan: Your boss here, or did he just let you borrow the car?
Boon: He's in the restroom.
♪ the paper won't burn ♪
Raylan: Vanilla cone.
Heath: All right.
You got anything to drink besides coffee?
Heath: Water, soda ... I'd offer to make you a milkshake, but the mixer's down.
Tim: Forget it.
Heath: All right.
♪ that I just love her ♪ ♪ she was never mine to lose ♪
Boon: Been thinking on what you said about that movie cowboy and his toy gun. Put me in mind how you come across a lot of guys who go heels like they're playing dress-up. Take this fella ... wears that lid on his head, but I'll bet he can't tell a mare from a stallion.
Raylan: Anybody ever tell you you should talk less?
♪ here I sit ♪
Boon: Yeah. One guy.
Raylan: Well, you're young yet.
Boon: Anyway, the matter I wanted your take on ...
you come across a fella like this ... never sat a horse or roped a steer, wants putting on a hat to make him a... a buckaroo.
♪ I'll call my own ♪
You think it's up to gentlemen like us to... disabuse him?
Raylan: You're asking if we're keepers of some kind of flame. I guess my main take is I believe you're overestimating how much you and I have in common.
Boon: All right. [door opens, closes] That gives me something to think on.
Markham: You here to arrest me?
Raylan: That depends. You got something to confess to?
Markham: Just here to lick on that ice cream, then.
Raylan: You're gonna call Katherine Hale.
Tell her you're moving the money to Charlotte.
Markham: Why would I do that?
Tim: How do you think it is that Boyd has such a good handle On what you've got and where you've got it?
He has an inside man. Woman. Whatever.
Markham: Bullshit.
Raylan: Even if it is, I don't see a downside. If she passes on the information, we get Boyd for you. If she don't pass on the information, you know you can trust your wife-to-be.
Markham: I already trust her. Give me one reason why I should believe anything you say.
Tim: If she's not trying to steal it, why would she ask you how you're planning to move it?
Markham: She hasn't.
Raylan: She will. I'll tell you what. Why don't you just, uh, give her a call? See if she brings up the subject.
♪ can't help wondering ♪ ♪ when I'll learn ♪
[door opens, closes]
♪ that I just love her ♪ ♪ she was never mine to lose ♪ ♪ I can't lose ♪
[beep]
[ringing]
♪ what I've never owned ♪
Markham: Hey, there.
Katherine: Are you okay?
Markham: No, I'm fine. Just trying to figure out where things stand.
Katherine: Avery, have you thought about what you're gonna do with the vault contents?
Markham: Actually, we are this very minute... trying to figure that out.
Katherine: So, have you made a decision?
Markham: Matter of fact, I have. I'm sending the money to Charlotte.
♪ since she's gone ♪
Wynn: Right here.
Carl: Charlotte?
Wynn: You heard the lady.
Carl: What the hell's in Charlotte?
Wynn: I think Mr. Markham's less concerned with what's there than what isn't.
Boyd: Us.
Wynn: He figures that you figure his money is heading to Lexington, which means if you're gonna hit it, you're gonna hit it right here.
He decides he's gonna head South.
Boyd: Oh, we gonna hit it right there, right before the Virginia state line. Road's one lane each way, steep rise on one side, steep drop-off on the other. Oh, I used to do liquor runs in high school. I could drive this with my eyes closed. Now, Mr. Duffy, like my good friend Ray always says, you never give up before the miracle happens. Well, the miracle is gonna happen right there.
Wynn: Well, that's what he said ... just on that side of the Kentucky border.
Well, if it isn't, you know where to find me.
Take us home, Mikey.
Mike: Any more calls you need to make?
Wynn: Hey, Mikey. If you're gonna mention your code again, um, we're gonna need to pull over and get some bananas, so I can eat something that tastes the same coming up as going down, okay?
Mike: Nah. I'm done with the code.
Wynn: Decided to put your big-boy pants on, huh?
Mike: Something like that.
Wynn: Good.
[engine turns over]
Raylan: Does this seem right to you?
Tim: Which part?
Raylan: All of it.
Boyd's gonna read this with his eyes closed.
Tim: [sighs]
Last night, you said Boyd would hit the cash on the road, Hmm. and then, today, we go to all the trouble of putting together a bait truck so he has something to hit, Duffy tells us he's planning to hit it, we're watching one of his guys appear to be waiting for it to move so he can hit it ... all of which leads you to conclude that that is, in fact, not his plan?
Raylan: He's too smart.
Tim: Yeah, he's so smart, he's stupid.
Raylan: Yeah. I'm just saying, last time we tried something like this, we ended up with his underwear.
Ava: My uncle ... you're sure he couldn't have made it out of that mine?
Carl: You really want to waste your time worrying about that traitor?
Ava: The reason I'm worried ... if he's alive, there's a chance he could come back and finish the job.
Carl: Even if he survived the blast, the rockfall cut him off from the entrance.
[chuckles]
Crazy b*st*rd ... ran the wrong way. Probably got turned around in the dark, everything looking the same down there and all.
Ava: Zachariah got turned around?
Boyd: Carl! We all set, my man?
Carl: Good to go!
Boyd: Whoo!
You best be getting a move on, son.
Carl: We ain't riding together?
Boyd: Well, I got something I got to do. I'm gonna be right behind you.
Carl: All right.
Boyd: [sighs]
[door opens, closes]
Baby, I need you to head back to your place, pick up whatever Limehouse has sorted for us ... new papers, uh, a car nobody's looking for. I'll be in touch and tell you where to meet me.
Ava: Somewhere close to where you're hitting the truck?
Boyd: Ain't no money gonna be in that truck.
Ava: But you just told Carl ...
Boyd: I know what I told Carl.
Ava: What about Earl?
He's still halfway a kid, and you're serving them up?
Boyd: I'm just trying to make sure that we don't get served up, Ava.
Ava: How do you know the money won't be in the truck?
Boyd: Because he's too smart for that.
Ava: Markham?
Boyd: Raylan! Now, don't ask me any more goddamn questions! Just trust me. Meet me.
Vasquez: What did she say, exactly?
Raylan: She said Boyd knows there's nothing in the truck and plans to go after the money by other means.
Vasquez: Well, don't suppose she saw fit to specify these "other means."
Raylan: She doesn't know.
Vasquez: She says.
Raylan: Well, sounds like you still got some doubts about her loyalty.
Rachel: Boyd's guy still there?
Tim: As a matter of fact, his brother's just pulling up ... appears to be getting in the car with him.
Rachel: Tim, you stay on the car.
Tim: Roger that.
Rachel: Raylan, you sit on Ava. See where she leads us.
Vasquez: And remember, okay, there's a new bottom line. We have to catch Boyd in the commission of a RICO-predicate crime. Uh, Ava's testimony ... absolutely worthless now.
Raylan: Where does that leave her?
Vasquez: Leave her? Back in prison. If I have anything to do with it, serving out every last second of her original sentence, plus anything else I can tack on there, like obstruction or conspiracy.
Raylan: Even if she helps us get Boyd with the money?
Vasquez: Raylan, it's too late for that now.
Read the C.I. contract. She hasn't even come close to living up to her side of the bargain, which means that we don't have to live up to ours. You were done with him, right?
Tim: Guess if I was him, I wouldn't be crazy about putting Ava on the stand, either. You really think this ends in a trial?
Tim: sh1t, I hope so ... all the work we've done.
Raylan: What I mean is you really think Boyd's gonna let us take him in instead of going out in a blaze like the outlaw he's spent his whole life trying to be?
Tim: Well, I guess that'll be up to him. Won't it, Raylan?
Katherine: [gasps]
Boyd: Katherine. I think I've finally found a way to get at that money.
Markham: A little early for me.
Lilian: Well, you brought it.
Markham: Well, I was told it was your favorite.
Lilian: Well, everybody's got to have a hobby.
Markham: [chuckles]
Lillian: So, you were saying you're concerned my grandniece might be falling in with a bad element? I'm saying that people who associate with Boyd Crowder have a habit of coming to a violent end. I know your family's had its share of tragedy.
Lilian: My nephew's a sap. He got himself all moony-eyed over that idiot he married and got even more moony-eyed after she died.
Markham: [chuckles]
Lilian: Not sure how she managed to grow a head on her shoulders raised by that pair of nitwits.
Markham: If you don't mind my asking ... how is it Loretta ended up in foster care instead of coming here to live with you?
Lilian: Stuck-up bitch from family services made noises like this place ain't fit for habitation. You believe that? I been living in this house for 52 goddamn years.
Markham: And there's nobody else could've taken her in? No other kin?
Lilian: Meaning if tragedy were to strike again, would I stand to inherit my grandniece's property? You think I don't know who you are, Mr. Markham?
Markham: Well, I introduced myself at the door.
Lilian: Not your name. Who you are. What you are.
Markham: What's that?
Lilian: Well, off the top of my head, I'd say a no-account peckerwood.
Markham: [laughs]
Lilian: And that's just for starters.
Markham: Ma'am, I'm afraid I've given a misimpression of my intent on coming here to see you.
Lilian: [laughing] Oh, I hope so. 'Cause it seems to me you're here to get me to talk Loretta into selling out to you or to sell out to you myself once you put her in the ground.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Markham: That woman is tougher than a pine knot.
Boon: No go, huh? Notice she didn't turn down your single-malt.
Markham: You ever notice how the necessities of our line of work weigh heavy on your conscience?
Boon: Always seemed to me, as far as conscience goes, the sweet spot is you either be poor enough you can't afford to have one or rich enough you can afford to hire someone to carry the weight.
Markham: Boon. I'm sorry. I know you're fond of the girl.
Boon: Fond's got nothing to do with it.
[door opens]
[door closes]
[gunshot]
[birds calling]
[gunshot]
[dog barking]
[cellphone ringing]
[beep]
Markham: Hello, my love.
Boyd: Afraid not, Mr. Markham.
Been wondering where you'd got to.
Boyd: Well, now you know.
Markham: I suppose it'd be foolish of me to ask what you want.
Boyd: I suppose it would be. Now, is this the point in the conversation where you try to buy yourself some time, tell me that money's in a security van headed to North Carolina?
Markham: I'd say we both know that ain't so. And I ain't interested in buying time. I'd rather just get this over.
Boyd: Me and you both.
Here's how it's gonna go down. You're gonna load my money up in your car and start driving North on 421. I'm gonna call you with a meeting place. Now, you don't answer your phone, she dies. You take too long getting to the meet, she dies. And if you ain't alone when you get there ...
Markham: Understood. Understood.
[beep]
Boon: You want me to come with?
Man said to come alone.
Boon: They always say that. Probably heard it in the movies.
Markham: Probably so.
Boon: Want me to come with? No. Gonna play it straight.
Boon: Call me if you change your mind.
Markham: Not gonna try to sell me on bringing you along?
Boon: You pay me to do what you say. You say, "stay," I stay. Say something else, I do that.
Markham: You're a good boy, Boon. Stay out of trouble.
Boon: I aim to find out what kind of entertainment this shithole has to offer.
[trunk closes]
Mike: So... when I asked you how long you'd been snitching to the marshals, you said "this time," implying there'd been another time.
Wynn: Suddenly, I'm nostalgic for the "code" talk.
Mike: The other time was about Grady Hale, right?
You were the one that gave him up?
Wynn: You just figure that out all by yourself, Mikey?
Mike: Yeah.
[laughs]
Wynn: Aah!
[groaning weakly]
[music]
[groans]
Mike: Shut up!
Wynn: [groaning]
Mike: Shut the hell up!
[ringing]
Katherine: This is Katherine Hale. Please leave a message.
Mike: Miss Hale, this is Mike Cosmatopolis.
Please call me as soon as you get this. Believe I have something that might interest you.
[beep]
Katherine: You think this all ends when you make that swap?
You think I won't come after you?
Boyd: Well, you'll do what you feel you have to do.
Katherine: Boy, I got to hand it to you, Boyd. You've got a hell of a knack for keeping cool.
Boyd: Hmm.
Katherine: You don't even mind looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life.
Boyd: Ain't nothing in my life ever come for free.
[beep]
[ringing]
Markham: Yeah?
Boyd: Read me the next road sign you pass.
Markham: Hold on, there's one coming up.
Bledsoe.
Boyd: Well, all right. Now, as soon as you start seeing signs for Mozelle, I want you to pull off. I'll talk you in from there.
Markham: All right.
[beep]
[police radio chatter]
Tim: No, they went easy. Didn't even try to hurt our feelings.
Rachel: Boyd, too?
Tim: Boyd wasn't with them.
Rachel: Any chance he might have slipped away while you were taking down the others?
Tim: Always a chance, I guess, but everything I see says he was never here.
Rachel: [sighs]
[beep]
[sighs]
Raylan was right. She was telling the truth. Hmm. "Mr. and Mrs. Ofay." Got to hand it to Limehouse ... he does have a sense of humor. Does good work, too. Can't say as I'm crazy for the picture, although it was short notice. What are you doing here, Raylan? Well, I'm supposed to be staying out of sight, seeing if you're shooting straight about the getaway plan. If you are, follow you to Boyd, catch him with the money.
Ava: But you're not staying out of sight.
Raylan: Mnh-mnh.
Ava: So, what are you doing here?
Raylan: Vasquez is pulling the plug.
Ava: What does that mean?
It means he wants to find something to bust Boyd on that doesn't require your cooperation ... toss you back in prison.
Ava: [sighs] Boyd just called ... told me to bring him the getaway that Limehouse put together, meet him at the spot where he put this ring on my finger. You can get him with the money.
Raylan: It ain't enough, Ava.
Ava: [sighs]
Raylan: I'm sorry.
Ava: Are you?
Raylan: [sighs]
Ava: [sighs]
[scoffs]
What if we get him for murder?
Raylan: Whose murder? What's that?
Ava: You meet a lot of guys with gator-tooth necklaces, do you?
Raylan: I used to work in Florida. Where'd you find it?
Ava: Hanging above the bar.
Raylan: And how, exactly, does that help us to get Boyd?
Ava: What do you mean? For killing Dewey.
Raylan: Boyd killed Dewey?
Ava: You know he did!
Raylan: You got a witness? A weapon? Better yet, a body?
Ava: Look close, Raylan. There's blood on it. Ava, even if that is Dewey's blood, there's nothing that don't indicate he didn't just cut himself shaving.
Ava: [scoffs]
Raylan: It still ain't enough.
Ava: [scoffs] So after everything, that's how this is gonna end?
Raylan: It appears that way.
Ava: What if I get him to confess?
[Lloyd Conger's "You hold the key" plays]
♪ since I met you, I really... ♪
Boon: Fella told me a good waitress never lets you see the bottom of your coffee cup.
[whispers] Guess I'd better go be a good waitress.
Maya: [chuckles]
♪ that you're here ♪ ♪ I need you every day ♪
Heath: [sighs]
♪ close to me ♪
Boon: What'd you say to her? I didn't catch it.
Heath: Can I get you anything else? Something to eat, maybe?
Boon: Just make sure you keep the bottom of my cup covered.
Heath: Whatever.
♪ you hold the key ♪
Boon: You're a student, huh?
What you studying?
Maya: Engineering.
Boon: [whistles] Industrious. You remind me of my girl. She's not a student, you understand ... more of what you call an entrepreneur. She's a couple years your junior, I guess. She's legal, before you ask, though. Grass on the field and all that.
Heath: How about you just keep to yourself down there, all right? I'll see to it that your coffee stays full.
Boon: You don't remember me, huh? I was here last night around the same time with my boss, couple others.
Heath: I remember.
Boon: I was with one man, mostly talking about your hat.
Heath: My hat?
Boon: Where'd you get it?
Heath: Uh, Louisville, I believe.
Boon: You ain't certain?
Heath: Louisville.
Boon: Mm. Lot of hipsters out that way, huh? [scoffs]
Boon: Yeah, we got a lot where I'm from, too. I guess that's how it is nowadays, huh? How much you pay for it?
Heath: Um... $80 something.
Boon: Sold American!
♪ your tender touch ♪
You owe me $20.
Heath: You want to buy my hat?
Boon: What else are we talking about?
Heath: Look, you don't want to go all the way to Louisville, I bet you can order one off a website.
Boon: I don't want to order one. I-I want the one that you got on right there. [scoffs] Well, you can't just come in a place and tell a guy you're buying something that he's not selling.
Boon: You wouldn't think so.
Heath: I'm not giving you my hat.
Boon: I know. I'm buying it.
Heath: All right, you know what? I think it's time for you to leave.
Boon: I have to take that hat off him. It's liable to get damaged. They tend to lose their shape, you know, when you get too rough with them.
Heath: Maybe I ought to call the cops.
Boon: You're doing a piss-poor job keeping my coffee full. What you say? You like it?
[sighs deeply]
Yep. You're right. On second thought, I just don't think it suits me.
[sighs]
Damn shame to be going home empty-handed. Way this day's going, I'm likely to end up in the doghouse with my girl. I figure if I'm gonna work back into her good graces, it'd pay to not come home empty-handed. What you say, hon? You got anything worth taking?
Raylan: No matter how I play this out in my mind, I have a hard time seeing Boyd confess.
Ava: I said I will get him to confess. I heard what you said.
Ava: [scoffs] Raylan, if I didn't know any better, your tone might suggest you doubt the power of my feminine wiles.
Raylan: No, no indeed.
Ava: Good. 'Cause I recall a time not so long ago when you yourself were held sway by those very same wiles.
Raylan: Is that what that was?
Ava: [sighs] Although you did manage to resist well enough to throw me over.
Raylan: Ava ...
Ava: You ever wonder how things could be different if you hadn't? If you hadn't left this place when I was 16?
Raylan: Never saw much point in that kind of wondering.
Ava: If you'd taken me with you?
Raylan: You're standing at the clearing, Boyd pulls up in his truck, transfers the money in here ... what's the first thing you say?
Ava: "Hey, Boyd."
Raylan: After that. [sighs] I ask him what really happened to Dewey.
Raylan: Just like that? [scoffs] The thing about getting a man to do what you want, Raylan ... it's not so much what you say as how you say it. Or what you're doing at the time.
Raylan: I want to trust you, Ava.
Ava: I can tell.
Raylan: You ask him, he won't say.
Ava: He will.
Raylan: He ... say he won't. What then? [sighs] I guess then I'll start taking my clothes off. Hope I still got what it takes to drive all other thoughts from a man's mind.
Raylan: [chuckles] I want to trust you.
Ava: You told me that already.
Markham: You okay?
Katherine: Ask me later.
Markham: [sighs]
Boyd: Well, ain't this the conundrum? Somebody's always got to go first. Now, it's clear that I've held up my end. What say we verify you've held up yours?
Boyd: Go on.
Katherine: Oh.
Boyd: [sighs]
Now, what say we see if we can all ride off into our respective sunsets? Katherine.
Markham: Boyd!
Boyd: Katherine. Oh. Uh, ripping you off ... that was her idea from the jump ...
payback for you murdering her husband. I just, uh...
[laughs]
I just thought you ought to know.
[engine turns over]
Whoo! Whoo! Oh!
[breathing heavily]
Baby, it's me! Oh, baby!
Markham: Do you really think I had Grady murdered?
Katherine: I did. I don't any longer. So... what happens now? Are you gonna kill me?
[laughs]
Ohhh!
[smooches]
Ava: I am sorry, Boyd.
Boyd: Oh, baby, let's have that conversation when we're sitting on a beach with the sand between our toes.
Baby?
[gunshot]
Aah!
[music]
Raylan: Jesus, woman. What did you do?
Ava: He was never gonna confess.
Raylan: Put that gun down. You ain't gonna shoot me.
Ava: I shot Boyd.
Put it down and step away.
Ava: If I don't, would you shoot me?
Raylan: Let's not find out.
Ava: I gave you what you always wanted, Raylan ... Boyd Crowder bleeding at your feet.
[sighs]
I can't go back to prison. So you're gonna have to shoot me, or you're gonna have to let me go.
Raylan: Last time you ran ... remember how that went?
Ava: Last time I ran, I didn't have $10 million to help me disappear. I'm going to come after you.
Ava: I know.
[truck door closes]
[engine revs]
[music] | Plan: A: Raylan; Q: Who sets up a decoy truck to be attacked? A: Avery's paranoia; Q: What do Raylan and Tim push? A: Avery; Q: Who knows that Katherine has betrayed him? A: Boyd; Q: Who did Avery think Katherine was working with to steal his money? A: the money; Q: What does Boyd leave with after he shoots Ava? A: Charlotte; Q: Where is Avery moving the money to? A: a trap; Q: What does Boyd think the decoy truck is? A: ransom; Q: What is the reason for Katherine's kidnapping? A: two; Q: How many duffel bags does Avery bring the money in? A: Katherine's idea; Q: Who did Boyd say was behind the kidnapping of Katherine? A: the plug; Q: What is Vasquez pulling to get Boyd to break his deal? A: her cooperation; Q: What does Raylan not want to require in order to bust Boyd? A: their deal; Q: What does Raylan want Boyd to honor? A: $100k identity documents; Q: What did Boyd buy from Limehouse? A: Dewey; Q: Whose necklace did Ava find in the bar? A: Dewey's murder; Q: What does Ava want Boyd to confess to? A: the money and identity papers; Q: What does Boyd take with him? A: Boon; Q: Who kills Loretta's great-aunt? A: a greasy spoon; Q: Where does Boon intimidate a hipster and an engineering student? A: Mikey; Q: Who subdues Wynn and handcuffs him to the table in the RV? A: the Marshals; Q: Who did Wynn snitch to? A: Grady Hale; Q: Who did Wynn snitch on? A: the fixed table; Q: Where does Mikey handcuff Wynn to in the RV? Summary: Raylan and Tim push Avery's paranoia, suggesting that Katherine is working with Boyd to steal his money and predicting that she will inquire about how he's moving it. Avery tells her that he's moving the money to Charlotte, she tells Wynn who tells Boyd and informs Boyd's attack plan to Raylan. Raylan sets up a decoy truck to be attacked, and though Boyd knows it's too easy and must be a trap he sends Carl and Earl to hit it (they are arrested with no shots fired). Ava informs to Raylan that Boyd is pursuing the money by other means, which prove to be the kidnapping for ransom of Katherine. Though Avery knows Katherine has betrayed him, he brings the cash in two large duffel bags with no tricks. As Boyd leaves with the money he informs Avery that robbing him was Katherine's idea from the beginning. Raylan tells Ava that Vasquez is pulling the plug, looking for a way to bust Boyd that doesn't require her cooperation so he won't be obliged to honor their deal. She offers to give up Boyd with the money when he calls for her to meet with $100k identity documents he bought from Limehouse, and Dewey's necklace she found in the bar. Desperate, she suggests getting Boyd to confess to Dewey's murder so Raylan will let them meet, but instead shoots Boyd with his own gun and escapes with the money and identity papers. Boon kills Loretta's great-aunt, her only living relative, when the tough old bird proves uncooperative. Later, Boon intimidates a hipster and an engineering student in a greasy spoon. Mikey has been dismayed over Wynn's snitching to the Marshals and asks if Wynn also snitched-out Grady Hale. Getting an implied yes, Mikey physically subdues Wynn, handcuffs him to the fixed table in the RV, and puts in a call to Katherine. |
[EXT. VARIOUS LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
FLASH TO WHITE:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS STREET - NIGHT]
(A dark-colored SUV recklessly races through the streets, police cars after it, their sirens wailing.)
Officer: (over radio) We have a high-speed chase in progress. Heading Eastbound on 74th street. Over.
(The speeding SUV turns into a parking lot, side-swipes a parked car and continues out of the parking lot and back onto the street.
(The SUV turns off of the road and onto the grassy area, the police cars right on its tail.)
(The SUV turns back onto the busy street, weaving in and out of traffic as other cars swerve and brake to avoid hitting it. The police cars are still on its tail.)
(The SUV turns and swerves into a tunnel. It exits the tunnel and onto the strip.)
Officer: (over radio) 314 Baker, driver seems intoxicated.
(The SUV appears to be losing speed. It slowly side-swipes several cars parked on the side of the road.)
Officer: This is Charlie 324. Hang back. Over.
(The SUV turns off the road and slowly comes to a stop in front of a large hotel/casino.)
[EXT. HOTEL/CASINO - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS]
(DET. LOCKWOOD exits the police car behind the SUV. His weapon drawn.)
Lockwood: Driver! Cut the engine and throw the keys out the window.
(He takes a couple of steps toward the vehicle.)
Lockwood: Driver! Cut the engine and throw the keys out the window!
(He waits a moment, then starts to yell out instructions again.)
Lockwood: Driver ...
(The driver's door slowly opens and a man gets out. He slowly turns around.)
(LOCKWOOD slowly puts his weapon down, a look of horror on his face as he realizes what he's looking at.)
(The man has a wooden stake embedded in the top of his head. He falls to his knees, then collapses to the ground in front of LOCKWOOD.)
WHITE FLASH TO:
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. HOTEL/CASINO -- NIGHT]
(A large crowd has gathered around the contained crime scene. GRISSOM and LOCKWOOD make their way through the crowd.)
Grissom: Excuse us. Excuse me, sir. Thank You.
(GRISSOM and LOCKWOOD break out of the crowd and make their way to the body. GRISSOM carries his CSI kit.)
Lockwood: Death: The cheapest show in Vegas.
Grissom: Yeah, it doesn't surprise me. You remember the MGM fire? We found people burned to their slot machines 'cause they wouldn't leave the action.
Lockwood: Only in Vegas.
(GRISSOM puts his kit down and kneels next to the body.)
Grissom: This guy's got a piece of wood sticking out of his head.
Lockwood: Alex James, age 42. Found his wallet in the glove compartment. SUV is registered to him. No previous record. How was he able to drive?
Grissom: I once saw a guy walk fifteen blocks with three bullets in his face.
Lockwood: The victim was traveling west on flamingo. The Desert Palm isn't too far from here. I guess he was en route to the hospital.
Grissom: I don't much care where he was going. I want to know where he's been.
HARD CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[EXT. VENETIAN HOTEL/CASINO (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOTEL/CASINO - BACK GARAGE -- NIGHT]
(WARRICK and CATHERINE slowly make their way across the garage, their CSI kits in hand.)
Warrick: Like coming in the back way, huh?
Catherine: Yeah, makes us VIPs tonight.
(A bellhop approaches them and nods to CATHERINE and WARRICK'S kits.)
Bellhop: Let me help you, ma'am. Sir?
Warrick: It's okay.
Catherine: No, thanks. Oh, it's not luggage. Thank you, though.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. TUNNEL LEADING TO HOTEL -- CONTINUOUS]
(They meet up with the HOTEL MANAGER.)
Hotel Manager: You must be CSI.
Warrick: I'm Warrick Brown. This is Catherine Willows.
Catherine: You said you had a situation in your casino?
Hotel Manager: A kidnap.
Warrick: Is it a high profile?
Hotel Manager: Yes. We'd like to deal with this locally before we involve the FBI.
Catherine: Well, until we know the victim was taken over state lines, the FBI has no jurisdiction. Do you have any contact from the kidnappers?
Hotel Manager: A ransom note was left at the front desk.
Warrick: Who are we looking for here?
Hotel Manager: A five-year-old boy.
Catherine: Whose five-year-old boy?
Hotel Manager: Tavian Tombs.
Warrick: Tavian Tombs, professional basketball player. Very high profile.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Through various dissolves: WARRICK and CATHERINE follow the HOTEL MANAGER representative through the hallway.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOTEL - TOMBS' HOTEL ROOM]
(The hotel room doors open. CATHERINE and WARRICK walk inside. TAVIAN TOMBS' back is to the door.)
Tavian Tombs: (angrily) I got eight people to make sure that something like this does not happen. Where the hell was everybody? Out spending my money? (to the Head SECURITY GUARD) You're supposed to be the head of security, and you let my son get kidnapped right from under my nose.
Catherine: Mr. Tombs ...
(TAVIAN TOMBS turns around.)
Tavian Tombs: You better have a good reason for being here.
Warrick: We're here to find your son.
Catherine: We're with the crime lab, and I'm assuming that that's our ransom note.
Tavian Tombs: It's my note, my kid, my show.
Warrick: Look, I've seen you take out three guys on the glass and still finish. I'm not here to bang boards with you. I'm here to do my job. (beat) It's your son; it's your call.
(In the next room, two little boys play video games. CATHERINE turns to look at them as she puts her gloves on.)
Tramelle: I'm going to dunk on you again.
Jason: Yeah.
(TAVIAN TOMBS holds out the ransom note. WARRICK takes it.)
Warrick: (reading) "I have Isaiah. Bring $5 million to the northwest corner of Telfair and Juniper, 4:00 A.M."
Catherine: How many of you touched this letter?
Security: I did.
Woman: I just want my boy back.
Catherine: Did this note come in an envelope?
Security: Yeah ... I threw it in the wastebasket.
(CATHERINE steps up and takes the envelope from the trash.)
Catherine: (to WARRICK) We have a better chance of getting uncompromised prints off of this.
Warrick: You said that Captain Brass was here?
Hotel Manager: Yeah. He's interviewing the nanny.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOTEL - TAVIAN TOMBS' ROOM - NEXT ROOM]
(BRASS is interviewing the Nanny.)
The Nanny: We were at the carnival, me and the boys.
(She sighs.)
(Quick flashback to their day at the Carnival.)
The Nanny: (V.O.) They wanted to ride on the carousel. I said no.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Brass: But you gave in.
The Nanny: Special weekend. Dad's in town. Everybody's together. Trust me, they don't understand "no."
(Quick flashback to the boys at the Carnival on the Carousel.)
(The children go round and round on the Carousel having a grand time. As best she can, she tries to keep an eye on them; however, when the horses come around, one of the kids is missing.)
The Nanny: Jason! Jason, where's Isaiah? Jason! THE NANNY: Where's your brother?! Jason, where's your brother?!
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
The Nanny: He was right there. And then he ... I swear to you, I looked everywhere, but I knew he was gone. (sighs) So ... I brought the kids back here and had to tell Tavian.
Grissom: ... and his wife.
The Nanny: (scoffs) They're not married. And even if they were, it'd still be Tavian's show.
Brass: A woman who knows her employer.
The Nanny: I should. He's my brother.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOTEL - TAVIAN TOMBS' ROOM - MAIN ROOM]
(The man with the ransom money arrives. The suitcase is open and on the table.)
Tavian Tombs: It took you that long to pull the paper together?
Man With Cap: Soft count room wouldn't go any faster.
Catherine: The casino's fronting the ransom money?
Hotel Manager: Mr. Tombs has a multimillion-dollar line of credit with us.
Catherine: We strongly advise that you don't hand over that money.
Warrick: At least let us mark it.
Tavian Tombs: You know how long it'd take to mark $5 million large? The kidnapper knows. Longer than the drop-off time. Now, the letter said corner of Telfair and Juniper. That's where this bag is going.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. HOTEL/CASINO -- NIGHT]
(GRISSOM and NICK process the crime scene. NICK is snapping photographs. Garbled radio transmissions can be heard in the background.)
(LOCKWOOD checks the SUV over.)
(GRISSOM kneels next to the body and sprays the piece of wood with something.)
Grissom: Sharp force trauma.
Nick: Shouldn't we get the spike out of his head before we try to get any prints off it?
Grissom: I'm afraid if we try to remove it, we'll eradicate the prints.
(NICK takes more pictures. GRISSOM kneels even lower to look under the wooden spike.)
Grissom: I'm not going to get any prints off of this.
Nick: Well, he sure is dirty. I mean, he isn't homeless. This is his car, right?
Grissom: Yeah. I'm going to scrape his nails.
(GRISSOM takes the instrument and scrapes under the nails. He looks at it and sees small specks of something.)
Grissom: Hand me a bindle.
(NICK hands GRISSOM the bindle. LOCKWOOD finds a gun in the car.)
Lockwood: Hey, fellas, you're never going to guess what I found under the seat. A .38 special.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - PRINT LAB -- DAY]
(WARRICK is examining the ransom note under a magnifying glass. SARA walks in.)
Sara: Catherine wanted to know if you have anything. She can't convince Tavian to change his mind about the ransom money.
Warrick: 8 x 11 plain white copy paper. It's mass-produced. You can get it anywhere. The envelope, unfortunately, is self-adhering.
Sara: No DNA.
Warrick: No.
Sara: What about the text? It's just standard laser, nondescript. So you got nothing.
Warrick: Nothing I can see.
(SARA picks up the note and smells it. She hands it to WARRICK to smell.)
(Cut to WARRICK putting the note inside a container. He closes the container and turns on the Evidence Vacuum Sweeper.)
(Quick CGI POV flash to inside the container, through the vacuum vent, through the vacuum hose, through the filter and a close up of the particles caught inside. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
(WARRICK opens the filter and empties it out into another filter set-up. He washes it out, runs it through a filter, takes a sample of the liquid and runs the sample through a machine.)
(WARRICK opens the container. He sprays the paper and sees the fingerprints.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(ROBBINS adjusts the camera and monitor to get a better view of the stake embedded in the body's head.)
Robbins: Looks like something out of Nosferatu.
(ROBBINS leans in to look at the stake.)
Grissom: Yeah, only the wooden stake is in his head, not his heart.
Robbins: I've never seen that before -- a wooden stake embedded in the high parietal scalp in the midline. Hold his head down firmly, will you?
(GRISSOM puts his hands on the body's head while ROBBINS gets a grip on the stake.)
Robbins: On three. One ... two ... three!
(ROBBINS pulls out the wooden stake. He hands the stake to GRISSOM, then reaches into his pocket to put his glasses on. He leans down to look at the wound.)
Robbins: Irregular puncture defect to the scalp, laceration to the sagittal sinus. The wound track stops at the falx cerebri. No gross penetration of the cerebrum. That stake is what kept him driving.
Grissom: Tamponading?
Robbins: Well, the application of more than normal pressure to the wound acts like a plug, temporarily keeping him alive. The spike probably struck ...
(Quick CGI POV of the stake embedding in the brain.)
Robbins: (V.O.) ... between the brain hemispheres ...
(End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
Robbins: ... most likely lodging into the parietal bones and holding it in place. They say it's a game of inches -- a centimeter to the left or right, and he would have bled out and died instantly.
Grissom: Yeah, but head trauma this severe, surgery would've probably killed him anyway.
Robbins: That, or live an extra hour in excruciating pain.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- HALLWAY]
(WARRICK fills CATHERINE in on the findings of printing the ransom note. He hands the results to CATHERINE.)
Warrick: They weren't lying. They all touched it. Everybody's who's got a piece of Tavian got a hand on that ransom note. Even the bellman and the desk clerk left prints on the envelope.
Catherine: Any unidentified prints?
Warrick: Just a few smudges, a couple of partials.
Catherine: So prints don't help.
Warrick: No.
Catherine: Liquid extraction results.
Warrick: Yeah, that was detected on the ransom note-menthol and nicotine.
(Quick flashback to the ransom note being printed out and the hand reaching for it holding a burning cigarette. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Nicotine. So we're looking for a smoker -- menthol smoker.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. CORNER OF TELFAIR AND JUNIPER - NIGHT]
(WARRICK and BRASS sit in the car and stake out the drop off site. Some distance away, they have a clear view of the money bag on the ground next to the bench.)
(A truck turns the corner.)
Brass: (to radio) Everybody hold. We don't make a move until after he's taken the money.
(A man gets out of the truck and grabs a stack of newspapers. He opens the newspaper rack on the corner of the sidewalk and restocks it with newspapers. He doesn't go anywhere near the money and by all indications isn't even aware that it's there. He shoves the newspapers in the dispenser, closes the hatch and leaves.)
Brass: (to radio) Stand down.
(The truck drives off.)
Warrick: We're way past the drop time here.
Brass: Yeah. Well, let's give it a couple more.
(They both look outside. The money bag is still there.)
Brass: So, what's your take on this? Inside or outside job?
Warrick: No, I think it's just some freak with a nicotine habit and access to a laser printer.
Brass: Did you see the action he got? One phone call, $5 million gets delivered to his hotel?
Warrick: Yeah, that money's not doing him any good now, huh?
Brass: Yeah.
(Another man approaches the money. It's Tavian's Head of Security.)
Warrick: It's just gone bad.
Brass: Oh, man.
(BRASS and WARRICK both get out of the car. Other officers with weapons drawn are already on their way to intercept the man.)
Warrick: Hey! Hey!
Brass: (to the Security guy) What are you doing? (to the officers) Put the guns down! Put the guns down!
(BRASS and WARRICK reach the Security Man.)
Brass: What the hell are you doing?
Security: Tavian wanted me to be sure the transfer got done.
Brass: This is our job -- not yours, not Tavian's.
Warrick: What are you concerned about here -- the kid or your job?
Security: I didn't do nothing. Nobody took the money -- didn't even show. I've been here all night just like you.
Brass: They spotted you. You understand? The kidnappers saw you. They made us.
(BRASS' cell phone rings. He turns and walks away to answer it.)
Security: I was doing what Tavian asked me to, man.
Brass: (to phone) Brass.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. DUMP SITE -- NIGHT]
(BRASS, CATHERINE and WARRICK walk toward the little boy's body.)
Warrick: It's him. I'll take the perimeter.
Catherine: Body's in an unnatural position.
Brass: Maybe this is only the dump site.
Catherine: His body's also coated. Makes me think whoever did this didn't even stop the car.
(Quick flashback to a car driving by, its door opening, and a body being thrown out. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Something had to have gone wrong.
Brass: Something did.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - WAITING ROOM -- NIGHT]
(ISAIAH'S MOTHER and TAVIAN both sit in the waiting room.)
Isaiah's Mother: Do not let them cut him. I don't want them even touching him.
(TAVIAN TOMBS stands and goes looking for someone. He walks into the hallway and finds CATHERINE waiting there.)
[HALLWAY]
Tavian Tombs: We're taking the body.
Catherine: Mr. Tombs, I'm sorry, but in a crime like this, an autopsy's mandatory. Evidence from your son's body may lead us to the suspect.
Tavian Tombs: You're telling me what I can and can't do?
Catherine: It's not your call anymore.
(TAVIAN TOMBS sighs and walks away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(NICK and GRISSOM both look through their own scope.)
Nick: How you doing over there?
Grissom: I got scat.
Nick: Feces?
Grissom: Yep.
Nick: Under the fingernail?
Grissom: Yep.
(NICK thinks about this for a moment, pulls away from his scope and grimaces at the conclusion he reached.)
Nick: He wiped his own ass?
Grissom: (chuckles) No, Nick, it's not human. It's scat. Could be from a bat.
Nick: Bat scat.
Grissom: Bat 'guano'.
Nick: Well, whatever. It's a lot better than what I got. As far as I can tell, the wood's Douglas Fir with a side of god knows what. I'm no geologist, but these splinters are intertwined with some kind of mineral.
Grissom: Is it sparkly?
Nick: Oh, yeah.
Grissom: Let me see. (GRISSOM moves to look through NICK'S scope.) I think it's quartz. Or fluorite.
Nick: Great. That limits it to every outdoor area in greater Nevada. Mountain ranges, mine shafts, quarries ... underground sewers.
Grissom: All home to bats.
(They both resume looking through the scopes.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY]
(CATHERINE walks in to find WARRICK standing outside the door to the AUTOPSY. He appears hesitant.)
Catherine: Hey. Why don't you let me handle this?
Warrick: Thanks. I'm not ready to deal with another murdered kid. I'll process the evidence.
(CATHERINE walks in. For a moment, WARRICK watches through the door window. ROBBINS starts.)
Robbins: No apparent cause of death. I'll send a blood sample to tox.
(WARRICK leaves.)
Catherine: The foam around his mouth?
Robbins: Could indicate pulmonary edema. Found bruising in the lower extremities and the knees, but these injuries are a few days old. The bruises are at various stages of healing.
Catherine: Well, that could be from roughhousing with his older brothers. What about this bruise?
Robbins: Well ... let's see, it extends around the body ... like so.
(ROBBINS lifts the body up to show the bruising on the boy's back.)
Robbins: Ah, I've seen this before. Did you find rope at the scene?
Catherine: (shakes her head) We haven't found the scene.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(WARRICK gathers evidence from ISAIAH'S clothes.)
(On the front of the jacket, he finds fibers. Hair fibers.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS OUTER CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. OUTER CITY SALVAGE COMPANY -- DAY]
(NICK and GRISSOM walk up to the front door of the warehouse.)
Nick: Outer City Salvage Company. Owned and operated by Alex James.
(LOCKWOOD opens the sliding door.)
[INT. OUTER CITY SALVAGE COMPANY - DAY - CONTINUOUS]
Lockwood: (loudly) Las Vegas police. I have a warrant. I'll clear the back.
Nick: Thanks.
(NICK and GRISSOM walk into the Warehouse. NICK spots an old MILES slot machine.)
Nick: When's the last time you saw a dinosaur like this? Lemons on the reels.
Grissom: Not since Sam Braun ran the town.
Nick: Old Vegas.
(NICK walks in further into the warehouse and sees something on the table. He puts on a pair of latex gloves.)
Nick: Buckshot pellets. Looks like he loaded his own.
(GRISSOM looks around and notices something else.)
Grissom: A melting furnace.
Nick: What's that for?
Grissom: Melting precious metals.
(Next to the table is a blanket with pieces of jewelry on it.)
Nick: Quenched it in the tub?
(On the other side of the table is a large, old porcelain bathtub with discolored/dirty water in it. In answer to NICK'S question, GRISSOM nods.)
Lockwood: Hey, fellas, take a look at this.
(LOCKWOOD holds up a ziplock bag of pieces of gold jewelry.)
Nick: More precious metals.
(NICK takes the bag. LOCKWOOD holds out something else.)
Grissom: And the pawn tickets.
Nick: Easily traceable.
(NICK takes the pawn tickets. GRISSOM turns and looks at the wall behind them.)
Grissom: Topographical maps of the Sierra Nevada. Delamar Quadrangle, Lincoln County, La Madre Mountain ... Clark County.
(While looking at the map, GRISSOM finds something and calls NICK over.)
Grissom: Hey, Nick. Blood spatter and a bullet hole, maybe?
[MAP: La Madre Mtn. Quadrangle / Nevada - Claim Co. / 7.5 Minute Series
(Topographic)]
(NICK pushes the map aside and finds the hole in the wall behind the map.
Nick: Through-and-through. (NICK checks the floor.) Oh, yeah. Medium caliber. This is our primary crime scene?
Grissom: Except that our vic had a stake in his head. He wasn't shot.
Nick: Yeah, but he had a .38 in his car.
Grissom: We're looking for another body.
(Camera holds on GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CASINO -- DAY]
(BRASS interviews KEVIN, The Bellman.)
Kevin (bellman): It was a tip.
Brass: A $10,000 gold chip? (chuckles) I don't think so. If it was a tip, you wouldn't have had to lose the bellman's outfit to cash it in. Now where'd you get this?
Kevin (bellman): I found it ... sort of.
Brass: You found it ... "sort of".
Kevin (bellman): Tavian is always surrounded by women. Guys, too, but they want autographs. The chicks -- they want something else.
(Quick flashback to: KEVIN (The Bellman) glances over at TAVIAN TOMBS sitting at a card table. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Kevin (bellman): Now, usually his boys turn them away, but this one got through.
(Quick flashback to: BRIDGET WILLIS walks up to the card table, pushes her way through the crowd and stands in front of TAVIAN TOMBS.)
Bridget Willis: Excuse me. I need to speak to Tavian. I want to see Tavian.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Kevin (bellman): There were definitely chicks a lot hotter, but I guess when you can have anything ...
Brass: They leave together?
Kevin (bellman): No, just the opposite. They got into it right there.
(Quick flashback to: BRIDGET WILLIS yells at TAVIAN TOMBS.)
Bridget Willis: You're a lousy father to Tramelle. And you think the whole world worships you. But the truth is, you're just a deadbeat.
Tavian Tombs: Whatever. This what you want?
(He brushes her complaint aside and holds up the gold poker chip. She brushes the chip aside. It goes flying. She turns away. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Kevin (bellman): Casino taxes me $24 an hour regardless of what I make. And do you know how much a zillionaire like Tavian Tombs tips? Zip. Nothing. Not even change I can throw in the fountain. And why? Because he's comped all the way around. R.F.B.-- Room, food, beverage -- including tips. So, when ten large goes sliding across the floor, and nobody sees it? Get out of the way, 'cause Kevin's coming through.
(Quick flashback to: KEVIN sees the chip fly and goes after it. The chip falls and rolls on the floor. KEVIN crawls under the table to get it. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Brass: Yeah, I get the picture.
Kevin (bellman): Hey, I tried to give it back.
(Quick flashback to: BRIDGET WILLIS walking by KEVIN on her way out. KEVIN holds up the chip and calls out to her.)
Kevin (bellman): This is yours.
(She turns around.)
Bridget Willis: Keep it.
(She walks away, KEVIN still holding the chip. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Brass: Yeah, yeah, sure you did.
Kevin (bellman): So, uh, what about my money?
Brass: Don't be stupid. (to HOTEL MANAGER) Who's the blonde he's talking about?
Hotel Manager: I don't know.
Brass: Look, big casinos honor each other's chips. So, how you tracking these? Bar code, embedded transmitters, what? Look, it's okay. It's easy for the guys at the lab to figure this out, but we'll let the other casinos know you helped us out.
Hotel Manager: Her name is Bridget Willis. She's on his list.
Brass: Thank you.
(On his way out, BRASS hands the chip over to The HOTEL MANAGER.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(GRISSOM is pouring over maps spread out over the table. NICK walks in with the ballistics report in his hand.)
Nick: Hey, Griss, ballistics matched the .38 bullet to the gun in the victim's car. As for the splinters on the stake ... you were right. Quartz. Fluorite.
Grissom: Dolomite, barite, calcite, antimony.
Nick: Well, the mass spec dug deeper. Arsenic and cyanide. Now, as of late, that's what's used to extract gold.
Grissom: Do you have any idea how many mine shafts there are in the State of Nevada?
Nick: Yeah, hundreds. Including gold and silver mines in Nelson, Searchlight, Goodsprings. You name it. I've got Lockwood running a background check on our vic. Maybe we'll get lucky.
(NICK takes the report from GRISSOM and leaves the room. GRISSOM returns to his maps.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS - DAY]
CUE: (PRELAP) DOORBELL
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT/INT. WILLIS' RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(The front door opens.)
Brass: Bridget Willis?
Bridget Willis: Mm-hmm.
Brass: I'm Detective Jim Brass, Vegas PD. This is Catherine Willows from the crime lab.
(A little boy walks out to stand next to his mother. She puts a hand on his shoulder.)
Bridget Willis: You're here to talk to my son Tramelle?
(Quick flashback to: CATHERINE at TAVIAN TOMBS hotel room. She turns her head and sees TAVIAN'S two sons playing video games. One of the boys is TRAMELLE. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: (smiling) We already have.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. WILLIS' RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(BRASS and CATHERINE question BRIDGET WILLIS.)
Bridget Willis: I was in college. He was the "man," Mr. Final four. I thought I'd won the lottery. Then I got pregnant, and he went in the lottery, so ... take a look around. Guess what we fight about.
Brass: Money.
Bridget Willis: He's rich, I'm not. I've accepted that. But he does have responsibilities.
Catherine: Tramelle.
Bridget Willis: A weekend here and there doesn't make a father. Tramelle's not one of his "boys." He's his son. Kid comes home with an armful of presents and a broken heart every time.
Catherine: Ms. Willis ... is Tramelle your only child?
Bridget Willis: No. I have a little girl.
Catherine: Why wasn't she with Tavian's other kids at the carnival?
Bridget Willis: She wasn't invited.
(Quick flashback to: TAVIAN TOMBS talking with BRIDGET WILLIS.)
Tavian Tombs: I'm not taking her. I'm not taking your girl.
Bridget Willis: Tramelle's been talking about this weekend for months. She just wants to come.
Tavian Tombs: Then what you better do is explain to her that I'm Tramelle's father, not hers.
Bridget Willis: What difference does one little girl make?
Tavian Tombs: It's all about what's mine.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Daughter: Mommy. What's for lunch?
(CATHERINE turns around to see a cute blonde girl coming down the stairs.)
Bridget Willis: Just a minute, okay, sweetie? (The little girl nods and leaves the room. CATHERINE smiles.) So, instead, I took her to Sweet Creatures at the Forum Shops.
(Quick flashback to: BRIDGET WILLIS and her daughter stuffing a bear. The little girl laughs.)
Bridget Willis: Don't fill it too much, sweetie.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Oh, yes, I've been there. Works wonders on the disappointments of little girls.
Bridget Willis: That's what I was hoping for.
(Camera holds on BRIDGET WILLIS.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI -- LAB]
(WARRICK is looking through the scope. GREG walks in with his report and holds it out to WARRICK.)
Greg: For you.
Warrick: Thanks. Have you taken a look?
(WARRICK takes the report and looks at it.)
Greg: I'm just trying to learn.
Warrick: Well?
Greg: Well, the fiber you tweezed from that sweatshirt - trace pegged it as sisal.
Warrick: Sisal? Rope? Mostly likely from the restraint.
Greg: What's under the scope?
Warrick: Take a look.
(GREG looks through the scope.)
Greg: Oh, hair. But cuticle's a single layer. Overlapping. (He looks up.) It's not human.
Warrick: It's canine. Sweatshirt was riddled with dog hair. Many different breeds.
Greg: You think the kidnapper used it as a lure?
Warrick: Kids love dogs. I know when I was a kid, I was all over them. That's a good start. Thanks.
(GREG leaves the lab.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(ROBBINS holds up a baggie of pill-shaped items.)
Robbins: Found them in Isaiah's stomach contents.
(He gives it to CATHERINE.)
Catherine: Pill casings.
Robbins: Starts to break down as soon as it hits the mouth.
(Quick CGI POV to: Pill sliding down the throat.)
Robbins: (V.O.) The shell is porous. In the stomach, the medicine leeches out, enters the bloodstream. The case is left behind.
(Pill hits the stomach and starts to fizz white medicine. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
Robbins: Eventually, the casing's broken down, as well, but by then, the medicine's already working.
Catherine: I see a USP number.
Robbins: Well, it should be listed in the PDR, but I couldn't find it.
(WARRICK joins them.)
Warrick: What have you got?
Robbins: Pill casings.
(CATHERINE shows the baggie to WARRICK. He takes it.)
Warrick: He was drugged?
Catherine: Looks that way.
Warrick: Well, we lifted dog hair from the sweatshirt we found near the body.
Catherine: So, our kidnapper had contact with dogs.
Warrick: Multiple breeds.
Robbins: Dog lover? Dog walker?
Catherine: Hey, how about a vet?
(WARRICK thinks about it for a moment.)
Warrick: Try the reference of Veterinary Pharmaceuticals and Biologicals.
(CATHERINE pulls up the computer database and enters the USP number.)
[SCREEN READS: COMPUTER SCREEN: VPB 12TH EDITION 2001 / 2002 VETERINARY PHARMACEUTICALS AND BIOLOGICALS PRODUCT LABELS MONOGRAPHS Enter Manufacturer Or Product Name: DP145 ]
(The search runs and the following results:
[RESULTS: Acepromazine Maleate Three pill sizes. Tranquilizer ADA No.: DP1458-1829
Active Ingredient(s): Each mL of injectable sterile solution contains: ] )
Catherine: (reads) Acepromazine maleate. Tranquilizer.
Robbins: 25 milligrams. Four pills wouldn't have been fatal for a child Isaiah's size. Based on the blood levels, these remnants were probably a second dose.
Warrick: It wasn't the money drop that went bad. The problem was Isaiah died.
Catherine: I'll call Brass. I'll have him check vet clinics, kennels, pet supply stores, and we'll extend the radius out from the dump site.
Warrick: (nods) Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY]
(LOCKWOOD, GRISSOM and NICK walk down the hallway as LOCKWOOD fills them in on the victim.)
Lockwood: Our man Alex James is quite the land owner. According to the mining laws of 1872, public land can still be paten for five dollars an acre -- a law which is still in effect. That's all this guy did was buy and sell publicly-owned, government land. Funny thing is, there was one mine that he sold over and over again.
Nick: Now, why would he do that?
Lockwood: Now, there lies the mystery.
Grissom: So, who was the last person he sold to?
Lockwood: Joe McPherson. Local.
Grissom: Where is he now?
Lockwood: No one knows. He's been missing for 48 hours.
Nick: There lies the mystery.
Grissom: Where's the mine?
(They walk off camera frame.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS MOUNTAINS (STOCK) - DAY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. MINE -- DAY]
(GRISSOM and NICK make their way from their parked car to the mine entrance.)
Nick: What's with the gate?
Grissom: It's a bat gate. It keeps people out, lets the bats in.
[INT. MINE - DAY]
Grissom: Old mines are considered bat habitats and preserves.
Nick: Who puts the bat gates in?
Grissom: Batman.
(They enter the mine. GRISSOM looks down on the ground.)
Nick: What have you got?
Grissom: Insect chitin. It's usually found near the entrance of caves.
(GRISSOM kneels in further into the cave. He picks up a handful of ... )
Grissom: Guano. We got bats.
(They both look up.)
Nick: Oh. Good.
(They enter deeper into the cave.)
Grissom: Probably California leaf-nosed bats.
Nick: They don't bite, do they?
Grissom: They're like bees, Nick. You don't bother them, they won't bother you.
Nick: Well, hey, let's ... let's not bother them, okay? I'm serious.
(Inside the cave, they find the ceiling walls covered in gold.)
Grissom: Are you seeing this? Gold.
Nick: (flatly) We're rich.
Grissom: I'm not so sure.
(NICK looks down at the ground and finds something.)
Nick: Another buckshot casing.
(He picks it up.)
Grissom: And these look like impact patterns.
Nick: So, he was loading his own.
Grissom: But not with pellets.
Nick: With gold. Pawn shop jewelry and melting furnace.
Grissom: You know, Lockwood said that James sold this parcel of land multiple times. I think he was running a scam.
(Quick flashback to: ALEX JAMES emptying the buckshot case of its pellets. Flash to a table full of precious metals and jewelry gotten from the pawn shop. ALEX JAMES picks up a gold necklace and puts it into the melting furnace.)
(Quick CGI POV of: The necklace in the liquid and melting. End of CGI POV.)
(ALEX JAMES picks up the container of melted metal and pours it into the bathtub full of liquid. Flash to JAMES picking up the pieces of gold at the bottom of the tub and putting it in to the empty buckshot casing. ALEX JAMES smiles.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nick: He was salting the mine.
(Quick CGI POV of: Shotgun pointed to the ceiling of the mine. The gun is fired sending particles of gold up toward the ceiling. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
(On the ground, NICK and GRISSOM both notice the bugs.)
Grissom: Insect party.
Nick: Yeah.
Grissom: Cockroaches, cave crickets. Carabid beetles. All heading deeper into the cave.
Nick: Why?
Grissom: Maybe they got tired of eating bat guano.
(NICK looks at GRISSOM.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. KENNEL -- NIGHT]
(BRASS and OFFICER METCALF escort CATHERINE and WARRICK to the kennel.)
Brass: So, this is three blocks from the place where Isaiah's body was found. Why don't you guys take the kennel? Metcalf and I are going to take the dog run.
(BRASS and OFFICER METCALF head in another direction, while CATHERINE and WARRICK enter the kennel.)
(As they walk, they look around. CATHERINE finds a child's sneaker on the ground. She picks it up. She and WARRICK look at each other. She puts the shoe down and she and WARRICK continue to look around.)
(Just a few steps away, CATHERINE finds a piece of rope.
(Quick flashback to: ISAIAH tied and struggling to free himself from the rope. Dogs bark. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(For a moment, CATHERINE holds the rope, she and WARRICK imagining what ISAIAH must have gone through. WARRICK suddenly stands up and makes his way to the open cabinet.)
(When he gets close enough to see what's inside, he calls out to CATHERINE.)
Warrick: Cath?
(CATHERINE looks at the cabinet and picks up a particular pill bottle. She looks at WARRICK.)
(From the kennel entrance, BRASS yells out to them.)
Brass: We found something. I think you're going to want to take a look at this.
(CATHERINE and WARRICK head out toward BRASS.)
[EXT. KENNEL -- NIGHT]
(Cut to: BRASS reading. CATHERINE is standing next to him. They're both looking down.)
Brass: Jacob Price. Local. (Camera moves downward to show a dead body with blood on his forehead.) Looks like somebody beat us to him.
(A shovel with blood on it is discarded on the ground next to the dead body.)
Warrick: Partner you think?
Catherine: Or a guy who knows how to finish.
HARD CUT TO BLACK.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]
(Inside BRASS' office, BRASS talks with TAVIAN TOMBS. Both men are standing.)
Tavian Tombs: I don't want to hear this.
Brass: Yeah, well... I've been on the job a long time, and I know what a tragedy like this can do to a family.
Tavian Tombs: I told you, I don't want to hear it.
Brass: What's going to happen is one day, Kenisha or Tramelle or one of your other kids is going to come to you and say, "What happened to Isaiah?" And they're going to want to know the truth.
Tavian Tombs: Nothing you say is going to change anything.
Brass: The guy who took Isaiah worked in a kennel.
(BRASS puts a photograph on the desk of ISAIAH'S body as they first found him at the dump side. TAVIAN glances down at it.)
Brass: He was used to handling dogs, not children. When Isaiah tried to escape, he was restrained, and when that didn't work, he was drugged.
(Quick flashback to JACOB PRICE grabbing a pill bottle from the cabinet. In the background, ISAIAH sits on the ground tied with the piece of rope, struggling with his bonds. Cut to JACOB PRICE with ISAIAH. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Brass: Now, drugs have a different effect on adults than on children. It's called "The Paradoxical Effect." So, when the tranquilizers weren't working, this guy- Price -- upped the dosage.
(Quick flashback to ISAIAH still struggling with the rope after taking the tranquilizers. JACOB PRICE heads back to the cabinet to get more pills. Cut to JACOB PRICE struggling with ISAIAH. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Brass: Now, as a father, I can understand why you'd want this guy dead ...
Tavian Tombs: (confused) What? Whoa. You think I killed him?
(Quick flashback to: TAVIAN TOMBS swinging the shovel and hitting JACOB PRICE on the head. JACOB PRICE falls to the ground. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Brass: Yes, I do.
(TAVIAN meets BRASS' eyes.)
Tavian Tombs: I didn't kill anybody. I don't even know who he is. But if I'd gotten to him before you, I swear I would not have stopped to think about it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. KENNEL -- NIGHT]
(In the night, CATHERINE and WARRICK search the kennel grounds for evidence. The ground is sectioned of like a grid.)
(Dissolve to CATHERINE kneeling down and finding a piece of white stuffing. She kneels down and picks it up.)
(Quick flashback to: BRIDGET WILLIS at Sweet Creatures at the Forum Shops with her daughter.)
Bridget Willis: Don't fill it too much, sweetie.
Daughter: (laughing) You said the bigger the better.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(Camera holds on CATHERINE holding the piece of stuffing.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. MINE]
(NICK and GRISSOM cough as they go deeper into the mine.)
Nick: Air's getting thick.
Grissom: Smells like trinitrotoluene.
(They cough some more. GRISSOM picks up a couple of pieces of wood.)
Grissom: Look familiar?
Nick: Yeah. But how did it get in the back of the guy's head?
(On the ground, there's a black line leading deeper into the cave.)
Grissom: Fuse line. Dynamite.
(They go deeper into the cave. GRISSOM crawls over a pile of rock and debris and finds a dead body.)
(NICK coughs. GRISSOM moves away a piece of wood covering the body.)
Grissom: Chest wound. Possibly from our .38. Just about two days old.
(NICK picks up the body's wallet and looks at the Nevada Driver's License with the following information on it:
[PICKS UP NEVADA DRIVERS LICENSE #050492 R360021
JOE MC PHERSON
311 SEPHILL RD. LAS VEGAS NV 89108
CLASS: 1
s*x: M HEIGHT: 5'11"
WEIGHT: 180
HAIR: BRN EYES: BRN BIRTHDATE: 09/02/63
EXPIRATION DATE: 09/02/05 ]
Nick: Joe McPherson. Local. Mr. Mia. Not an organ donor.
Grissom: You know, wooden support beams, fuse line, TNT ... I think, uh, Alex James was trying to hide this body in the back of his mine.
(Quick flashback to JOE McPHERSON walking into the Salvage Warehouse holding a gun out on ALEX JAMES.)
Joe McPherson: (accusing) You scammed me!
Alex James: No.
Joe McPherson: That was my life savings!
Alex James: Take it easy. Listen, now-now, now, lookit. I-I, I can explain everything, all right? Listen, Joe. Joe, come on, I-I sold you the wrong mine. I-it's an honest mistake.
Joe McPherson: You're a liar!
(Cut to ALEX JAMES and JOE McPHERSON struggling for the gun. The gun goes off. JOE McPHERSON slides to the ground.
(Cut to: ALEX JAMES carries the body deep into the mine. He also carries some dynamite and a fuse.)
(Cut to: ALEX JAMES dropping the body and preparing the dynamite.)
(Cut to: ALEX JAMES backing out of the mine. Cut to the fuse burning. Cut to ALEX JAMES running out of the mine as it blows and getting caught in the flying debris.)
Grissom: (V.O.) Like most fuses, it probably burnt too quickly and he couldn't outrun the blast ...
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(GRISSOM holds up the piece of wood.)
Grissom: ... Or the wooden stake.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY / LAB]
(CATHERINE walks through the hallway carrying a bag. She enters the lab where WARRICK is waiting for her and pulls out a stuffed bear.)
(WARRICK takes the bear from her and takes a sample of the stuffing inside the bear. He puts the sample on a slide and puts the slide under the scope.)
Warrick: Okay. Sample from the kennel is on your right. Your bear on the left.
(CATHERINE looks in the scope. Cut to scope view of the fibers.)
Catherine: Visible match.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. / INT. WILLIS' RESIDENCE]
(BRASS, CATHERINE and WARRICK walk up the front steps to BRIDGET WILLIS' residence. BRASS reaches the door and knocks.)
Brass: Bridget Willis? Las Vegas police.
(The door is unlocked. He pushes it open. Inside TRAMELLE sits in the middle of the living room watching television. He looks up when they enter.)
(BRASS walks off to search for BRIDGET. CATHERINE kneels down in front of TRAMELLE.)
Catherine: Tramelle, where's your mother?
Tramelle: I don't know. She left with my sister. She said my daddy would come get me.
(CATHERINE doesn't say anything. BRASS walks back into the room.)
Brass: She's not here. I'll put out an APB.
(BRASS walks away. Camera holds on CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- EVENING]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LOUNGE]
(CATHERINE and WARRICK discuss the wrap-up as they get their cups of coffee.)
Catherine: So, Tavian was paying Bridget child support -- three grand a month.
Warrick: Three grand a month? Tavian tombs has been a $12 million-a-year player for eight seasons, not including endorsements.
Catherine: Well, he made his deal with Bridget when Tramelle was born. Bad timing for her.
Warrick: Motive for us. She was right to assume that Tavian would immediately pay that ransom. What's five million to a guy who makes hundreds of millions?
Catherine: And it is his son. I'm sure he would have paid any amount. So, how does that dog kennel guy Price figure into all this, and was killing him part of the plan?
Warrick: I don't know. I think that Bridget Willis killed him because he killed Isaiah.
(Quick flashback to BRIDGET WILLIS swinging the shovel and hitting JACOB PRICE on the head. JACOB PRICE falls to the ground. BRIDGET runs away, a piece of stuffing falling off of her as she leaves. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: In her act of redemption, she gives Tramelle to Tavian.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. HOTEL - BACK GARAGE -- NIGHT]
(In the garage, TRAMELLE exits the limo. He looks up at the large hotel. TAVIAN TOMBS' Head of Security escorts the little boy.)
(Dissolve to TRAMELLE being escorted through the service hallway.)
(Dissolve to TRAMELLE walking through the hotel hallway.)
[INT. HOTEL - HOTEL ROOM DOOR - NIGHT]
(Cut to: TRAMELLE stands in front of the large hotel room double doors. He knocks.)
(The doors opens. TAVIAN TOMBS looks at his son. His son looks back up at his dad. For a moment, neither one moves.)
(TAVIAN opens the door wider.)
Tavian: Come here.
(He kneels down and hugs his son. The two stay like that for a moment. Behind him, ISAIAH'S MOTHER also welcomes TRAMELLE.)
Isaiah's Mother: Hello, Tramelle.
Tramelle: Hi.
(She puts an arm around him and leads him into the hotel room as TAVIAN watches. TAVIAN closes the hotel room door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. CASINO SIDEWALK - NIGHT]
(NICK and GRISSOM take a walk along the sidewalk in front of a casino. GRISSOM is wrapping up a conversation with GREG on his cell phone.)
Grissom: Okay. (shuts cell phone) According to Greg, the blood on the bullet's a direct match to Joe McPherson. It's a done deal.
Nick: You know, I was talking to a lady in the county records office. She said those land patents have been changing hands for over fifty years.
Grissom: That figures.
Nick: There's a sucker born every minute.
Grissom: Yup, and they all come to Vegas.
(NICK and GRISSOM continue to walk down the sidewalk. Camera rises higher to the flashing casino sign.)
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY SKYLINE (STOCK) - NIGHT]
[BLUR OUT] | Plan: A: evidence; Q: What do Catherine and Warrick try to find when the 5-year-old son of a professional basketball player is kidnapped? A: a man; Q: Who stumbles out of his car and dies? A: a wooden stake; Q: What is lodged in the back of a man's head? Summary: Catherine and Warrick try to find evidence when the 5-year-old son of a professional basketball player is kidnapped. Meanwhile, Grissom and Nick investigate when a man stumbles out of his car and dies ... from a wooden stake lodged in the back of his head. |
Teleplay by: Constance M. Burge & Sheryl J. Anderson
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Solarium. Prue's on the phone. Phoebe's sitting at the table eating her breakfast.]
Prue: Alright, I can meet with the Curson Foundation at noon but then well have move my 1:00 lunch regarding the Low estate. That will affect slide presentation and my 4:30 meeting with the new printers. Have you confirmed Mrs. Swansen yet?
Phoebe: The last Tai Kwan class is at seven.
Prue: Okay. I can meet the printers at their office, walk to the Royal Hotel afterwards for my 5:30 with Mrs. Swansen. (to Phoebe) Just have enough time to make it to kick boxing class. (to Moni) Plane doesn't arrive till six?
(Prue's cell/mobile phone rings.)
Phoebe: So much for timo. Oh, that's your phone, I will get it for you.
Prue: Thanks, it's probably Jack.
Phoebe: You don't have time for Jack, literally. (She answers it.) Prue Halliwell's phone. (to Prue) It's Mr. Cauldwell's office.
Prue: The new V.P. Monique, why is Mr. Cauldwell calling me at home? What? Emergency staff meeting. When this morning?
Phoebe: 9:30. Be there or be fired.
Prue: I'm on my way.
Phoebe: Bye. (They hang up.) I am very tired and now I need a nap.
Prue: Yeah, well, I need another me. I don't even have time to have fun anymore.
(Piper enters carrying a bag.)
Phoebe: Oh, look who it is.
Piper: Morning.
Phoebe: Hi. Do you recognize that person?
Prue: I don't know, she looks vaguely familiar. Kind of like a sister we used to have. What was her name? Pi P
Phoebe: Pi Pippy?
Prue: Pipper?
Phoebe: Whatever happened to her?
Prue: I don't know. She fell in lust with the next door neighbour, started spending all her time there.
Piper: That's because she could, for the first time in months, her life was nice and calm and normal. I don't even care that it's Friday
Phoebe: Shh! Don't even say it.
Piper: The 13th. See, I said it and nothing happened.
(Suddenly someone starts shooting through the windows of the house. They scream and run past the dining room, into the living room. Prue and Phoebe dive behind the couch and Piper stays on the other side of the room.)
Phoebe: I told you not to say it!
Piper: Oh, so this is my fault?
Prue: Run!
Piper: No!
Phoebe: Get your butt over here right
(She runs past the table and freezes the bullets and glass that's coming towards her. She hides behind the couch. The person stops shooting and they peek over the top of the couch and the person starts shooting again. They duck behind the couch.)
Prue: Oh, like I need this today. (The person stops shooting.)
Phoebe: Since when do demons use bullets?
Piper: Maybe it's not a demon.
Prue: Who else would want to kill us?
Phoebe: Well, you know, you were a little sharp to the mailman yesterday, we all know how testy they can be.
(They hear the door knob on the front door rattling.)
Piper: Freeze.
Phoebe: Kick.
Prue: Send flying.
Phoebe: Okay.
(They wait for the door to open but then a woman comes out of the dining room. She shoots, Prue uses her power, the bullets stop in front of them and then flies back to the woman and kills her. Prue, Piper and Phoebe run over to her. The woman is bleeding.)
Prue: Oh, my God, she's not a demon.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Manor. They are looking at all the things that were in the woman's purse.]
Phoebe: Multiple aliases.
Piper: Foreign currency and throwing stars.
(Prue winds up the lipstick and a blade pops up.)
Prue: Not exactly Avon calling.
(Piper finds a key to an apartment.)
Piper: "Sutro Heights Apartments." That's a lit scary. She didn't live too far from here.
Phoebe: What's even scarier is that we've never been attacked by a mortal before.
Prue: Yeah, I've never killed a mortal before either.
Phoebe: Prue, you had no choice.
Prue: Still doesn't make it any easier.
Piper: Does it make it easier if the mortal was a hit woman?
(Piper's looking at the woman's planner.)
Prue: A list of names. So?
Piper: Yeah, look closer. We're on it. Or at least one of us is. "P. Halliwell" and other that a "M. Steadwell" we're the only other name not crossed off.
Prue: A hit woman. Someone obviously hired her. (Prue flips through the planner.) Someone who knew we have powers. I mean, look.
Piper: Prue Telekinesis, Piper Power to freeze, Phoebe Negligible.
Phoebe: What? Negligible?
Piper: Well, that explains why she drove us to the front door and surprised us from behind.
Prue: So, why would a demon hire a mortal to kill us. It doesn't make sense.
Piper: I just wish we knew about that part of the equation before we called
(Darryl knocks on the door and walks in.)
Prue: Darryl, hi, thanks for coming.
Darryl: To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I actually want to be here. Depends on whether or not you tell me the truth this time.
Phoebe: Someone tried to kill us.
Darryl: Did you see who it was?
Prue: She's in there.
Darryl: She?
(Darryl walks over to her.)
Piper: We were just sorta standing here talking when suddenly she started shooting up the place.
Phoebe: A hit woman we think.
Prue: She obviously wanted us dead, we were on her list.
Darryl: And that's why you're standing here alive and she's in here riddled with bullets.
Prue: It was self defense. You can check her gun if you don't believe us. The only finger prints you're gonna find on it are hers.
Darryl: Begs the same question. How come she's got the bullets in her body if you didn't fire the gun?
Phoebe: Do you really wanna know, Darryl?
Darryl: Tell me.
Phoebe: We're witches. We have powers.
Piper: And we think that there's a how do I put this? A demon behind this.
Prue: The only way for us to find out who it is, is if you can keep all of this quiet for as long as possible.
Darryl: Let me see the book.
(Piper hands him the planner.)
Phoebe: There are nine names that are crossed out. Besides us there is only one name that's not crossed out.
Darryl: "Plastique, 10 a.m." Plastique explosives. For all we know she's probably got some place already rigged to blow.
Prue: Maybe it's some place M. Steadwell is supposed to be at ten.
(Phoebe looks at Piper's watch.)
Phoebe: Okay, it's after nine already.
Darryl: I'll check the ------, see if I can get an address.
Phoebe: Im gonna go with you.
Piper: Prue and I can go to her apartment and see if we can find anything there.
Prue: After we make a quick stop at Bucklands.
Piper: Are you kidding?
Prue: Can't lose my job.
Phoebe: What do we do with the
Darryl: I can call in a favour and put the body on ice but it's not gonna buy you much time. One day max.
[Scene: Bucklands. In an office. There's a staff meeting there.]
V.P.: As the new regional V.P. of Bucklands auction houses, I'll be implementing a new course of action for the new millennium. (Prue sneaks in and sits down.) The problem is I don't know any of you well enough to know who's worth keeping and who's not.
Jack: (whispering to Prue) You're late, partner.
Prue: (whispering) We are not partners.
Jack: Do you wanna bet?
V.P.: Dark hair. Yeah, the one who tried to sneak in late. What's your name?
Prue: My name? Uh, Prue, Prue-Prue Halliwell.
V.P.: Yeah, right, okay, you'll be partnered with Sheridan there. Every employee in this room and their partner, has until tomorrow night to scour through the obits. Do whatever you have to do to raise $100,000 of auction material. (Prue raises her hand.) Yes.
Prue: By tomorrow?
V.P.: If you want to keep your job. Welcome to the new Bucklands. (He leaves.)
Jack: Whoa. I guess we better clear the decks, huh? You know, Prue, we might even have to work over dinner.
(Piper's standing outside impatiently.)
Prue: Dinner, no.
Jack: Come on, we're in this together aren't we?
Prue: Yeah, but
(Suddenly Prue astral projects outside where Piper's standing.)
Piper: Prue?
(The Prue inside the office is just sitting still with her eyes closed.)
Jack: Prue? (Prue astral projects back into her body.) Prue, have you even heard a word I've said?
Prue: No, I'm feeling a little weird. I'll be, uh ooh. (She gets up and walks over to Piper.)
Piper: What the hell just happened?
Prue: I don't know. I think it was some sort of astral projection.
Piper: How did you do it?
Prue: I don't know. I just had this desperate need for there to be two of me and all of a sudden there was.
Piper: Do you think this is part of your powers growing?
Prue: Maybe. I mean, if I can move things with my mind, why not my body.
Piper: Well, let's just get out of here before it happens again.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: In Darryl's car. Phoebe and Darryl are on their way to M. Steadwell's place. The sirens are on and Darryl's driving really fast.]
Phoebe: Hey, you know, you can ask me anything you want about being a witch.
Darryl: No thanks.
Phoebe: It's actually really cool. We have this book. It's called the Book of Shadows.
Darryl: Too much information, Phoebe.
Phoebe: No, but it's
Darryl: Nothing I want to know about. I'm serious. I don't want anything.
Phoebe: Come on, you don't even know if we can fly or anything like that?
Darryl: I don't even wanna know if you own a damn broom, a skillet, a cauldron, a dust buster, I don't give a damn.
(He speeds around a corner.)
Phoebe: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Darryl: Phoebe, I stare down death everyday, but I'm trained to handle it and that's in this world. I don't know if I want to be dragged into another one.
Phoebe: You know, I think it's too late, Darryl. But we won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Are you sure this is the right address?
Darryl: Better hope so. It's the only M. Steadwell registered. Damn, it's almost 10:00.
[Cut to M. Steadwell's shop. She puts the key in the lock. You can see a bomb attached to the door in the inside.]
[Cut back to the car.]
Phoebe: Oh, is that her?
(They pull up outside the shop. Darryl gets out. M. Steadwell turns the door handle.)
Darryl: No! Don't! No!
(Darryl runs over to her and pushes her away from the door. The door opens and the place blows up.)
Phoebe: Darryl?! Oh my God, is everyone okay?
Darryl: Yeah. You okay, Miss Steadwell?
Miss. Steadwell: It worked. I can't believe it. I cast a protection spell and it actually worked. My first spell. (She starts laughing.)
Darryl: Don't tell me she's a witch too.
[Scene: The hit woman's apartment. Prue and Piper walk in.]
Prue: Look at this place. ------ pictures, silk woven rugs, I could get used to living here in a hurry.
Piper: Yeah, you just have to know who to kill. I'm gonna check the kitchen.
Prue: Alright, I got the bedroom. (She walks in the bedroom.) Wow! (She sees fur coats and leather clothes in the wardrobe.) Oh! Oh! Oh my! Oh, nice. Ooh.
[Cut to Piper. She looks in the fridge and the cupboards. They're both empty.]
[Cut back to Prue. She opens a cupboard and sees wigs and jewellery.]
[Cut back to Piper. She looks at the mail and "current resident" is written on it.]
[Cut back to Prue. She's now wearing a leather dress and coat. She looks in the mirror and starts twirling. Piper enters.]
Piper: She must not have lived here long, all the mail is marked resident. Were you twirling?
Prue: No but opportunity knocked and I did it... answered. Check out this wardrobe.
Piper: Um, Prue, honey, focus.
Prue: I can't. It's not just the clothes. Wigs, make-up kits, prosthetic enhancements.
Piper: I wonder if anyone really knew what she looked like?
Prue: I doubt it.
Piper: If it weren't for the roses, we wouldn't even know what to call her.
Prue: What roses?
Piper: They're in the living room addressed to Ms. Hellfire.
Prue: Really?
Piper: Mmm hmm.
(Prue walks in the living room and reads the card on the roses.)
Prue: "Until we meet at last, Bane."
(Three guys enter the apartment holding guns.)
DJ: Don't move. Don't even flinch or you're dead. That's it, now slowly turn around. Watch her hands, she can kill within a second. Ms. Hellfire, I assume.
Prue: You Bane?
DJ: I'm his right hand man, DJ. Bane is very unhappy with you. He'd like to see you now.
(Piper freezes them.)
Piper: Okay, sorry to disappoint you boys. Let's go, get outta here, come on.
Prue: Um, you know, they think I'm Hellfire.
Piper: So
Prue: So maybe I should go with them. I mean, maybe the best way to find out who hired her is to pretend to be her.
Piper: Okay, that's very funny, let's go.
Prue: Piper, I'm serious. I mean, you said yourself, nobody knows what she looks like, certainly not this Bane guy.
Piper: Prue, somebody might know what she looks like.
Prue: Yeah, but I can protect myself. I mean, I have something that they don't have. Something guns can't compete with.
Piper: Today may not be the best day to boast about your powers.
Prue: Okay, look, if this hit woman was hired by a demon, then it's only a matter of time that he finds out that P. Halliwell is still alive and send someone else. So we have to do something. I mean, if you've got any other ideas then I'm certainly game.
Piper: I know, and unfortunately I don't.
Prue: Okay, so unfreeze them.
Piper: Is it just me or are you a little too eager to play this role.
Prue: It's not a bad role to play.
Piper: True. If you wanna get yourself
Prue: I'll be fine.
(Piper goes in the other room and unfreezes them.)
DJ: Are you gonna make this easy or not?
Prue: Put that thing away before you hurt yourself.
(Prue and the guys leave.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Bane's place. Bane and a guy is there.]
Guy: I swear to God, Bane. I tried to get the money for you but I messed up, I messed up. I was scared, I didn't know how you were gonna react.
Bane: You lied to me.
Guy: I didn't know, I didn't know.
Bane: You made a mistake and you're sorry for it, right?
(Bane sees Prue walk in.)
Guy: Yeah.
Bane: Well, lesson learned alright. Just never lie to me again. Understood?
Guy: Thank you.
(Bane walks up to Prue.)
Bane: Wow, you are more beautiful than I imagined.
Prue: So we finally meet.
Bane: Did you like the roses?
Prue: I would have preferred orchids.
Bane: Beautiful and honest. Let's take a walk. (to DJ) You know what to bring. (Prue and Bane walk up the stairs.) What do I call you?
Prue: What you always call me.
Bane: Ms. Hellfire seems so cold in person. Unless your emails to me has been a tease.
Prue: I think you know me better than that.
(They sit down.)
Bane: Do I? You didn't confirm the Halliwell's this morning.
Prue: Uh, I didn't have a clean shot.
Bane: That's disappointing. What about the last one on the list?
Prue: Steadwell? It was a blast.
Bane: Like your style. Always have. The problem is you still got the Halliwell's but you've only got until midnight to take them out.
Prue: Um, don't worry about the Halliwells, I know their every move.
Bane: I'm getting a lot of pressure, you know.
Prue: From who?
Bane: You know.
Prue: Of course.
(DJ pours champagne in two glasses. Prue's phone rings.)
DJ: Aren't you gonna answer that?
Prue: Yeah. (She answers it.) Hello?
Jack: Hey, what happened to you this morning, you completely disappeared.
Prue: I'm with a client.
Jack: Well, they'd better be a rich client. Time is money.
Bane: Champagne? (Bane hands Prue a glass.)
Jack: Champagne at this hour? Where are you?
Prue: Me?
Bane: To us. (They clink their glasses.)
Jack: Hey, Prue, you know me, I'm all for having a good time but we're under serious pressure here.
Prue: Yeah, I know
(Prue astral projects to her office.)
Jack: Are you there?
Prue: Oh God.
Jack: Prue?
(She astral projects back in her body.)
Bane: Are you alright? What happened?
Jack: Prue, what the hell's going on?
Prue: I'll call you back. (She hangs up.) Sorry.
Bane: Maybe you better hold off on this one. At least until the job is completed.
Prue: Guess I better be going.
Bane: You're not going anywhere. Not without my driving ya.
(Prue starts walking down the stairs.)
Bane: (to DJ) Tell him, I'm on it.
DJ: Hey, man, why me? I don't even know the guy.
Bane: You will. Just go to my office, he'll show. Okay.
[Cut to Bane's office. DJ walks in. Barbas appears.]
Barbas: Looking for me?
DJ: Where the hell did you come from?
Barbas: You really don't wanna know. Trust me. Why aren't the witches dead?
DJ: Witches?
Barbas: Answer me.
DJ: How'd you know they weren't dead?
Barbas: One develops a sixth sense about such things when you've been in purgatory for as long as I have. I made a deal. It gives me a twenty-four hour window to break free but you people, you gotta kill those witches if I'm gonna be successful.
DJ: Who are you?
Barbas: A demon. A demon who has the power to turn the innermost fear of a mortal into reality and there's nothing you can do about it. Want to see? (He passes his hand in front of DJ's face.) Your greatest fear is that your boss is being doubled crossed and when he finds out he's gonna kill you for not protecting him. (A pretend Bane appears and starts shooting at DJ. DJ starts yelling. Bane then disappears.) Pretty cool, huh?
[Scene: Manor. Dan's looking at the broken window. Piper's there holding the phone.]
Dan: I can have my crew install some temporary windows some time by tonight.
Piper: Great, thanks.
Dan: You waiting for a call?
Piper: Yeah, I'm just a little worried about Prue.
Dan: I wouldn't blame you after what happened. What makes you think it was a drive by?
Piper: Um, I don't know. A wild guess, I guess.
Dan: I want you to move in with me.
Piper: Huh?
Dan: At least until the permanent windows are installed. If it's your sisters you're worried about, they can move in too. Since Jenny moved back with her folks there's just plenty of room.
Piper: Uh, I don't know if that's such a great idea. Some of us don't wear pajamas.
Dan: I'm serious. Because if things worked out, maybe you could stay permanently. If you wanted to.
(Phoebe and Miss Steadwell enter the house.)
Phoebe: Piper?
Piper: In here. (to Dan) I don't know what to say.
Dan: Say you'll think about it.
Marcy: Oh, is he a war-- (Piper freezes her and Dan.)
Piper: Who's she?
Phoebe: Would you believe M. Steadwell. How's Dan?
Piper: Just asked me to move in. Where's Morris?
Phoebe: Uh, he's at the morgue putting the hit woman's body under Marcy's name. Where's Prue?
Piper: Way overdue. She's assuming the identity of the hit woman.
Phoebe: What?
Piper: Yeah, and guess what. She's got a new power, she can astral project now.
Phoebe: Are you kidding me?
Piper: Nope.
Phoebe: Are you kidding me?
Piper: Nope.
Phoebe: I hate her.
Piper: I know. Alright, I'm gonna send Dan home, you keep Marcy in the house until this is all over.
Phoebe: Yeah, alright, then we'll talk.
Piper: Yeah.
[Scene: The hit woman's apartment. Prue and Bane walk inside.]
Prue: Well, thanks for the (She sees orchids all around the room.) ride.
Bane: You said you preferred orchids.
Prue: I'm impressed.
Bane: I'm glad. Now close your eyes. Trust me. (Prue closes them. He gets a jewellery case out of his pocket.) Alright, open them. (She does so.) And open this when I leave okay? Now remember, three Halliwell's by midnight. On second thought, make it by ten. It gives me more time to take care of them myself in case you fail.
(He kisses Prue then leaves. She opens up the case and an expensive diamond necklace is in it.)
[Scene: Coroner's office. A coroner is there. DJ and Barbas walk in.]
Coroner: Wait a minute, you can't come in here. (DJ pushes him on to a table.) What do you want?
Barbas: Why, your greatest fear of course. Which (He passes his hand in front of the coroner's face.) is being autopsied yourself.
(An implement turns on and flies up in the air ready to attack the coroner. The coroner yells. DJ and Barbas open up a cold room and pull out a body. They unzip the body bag and the hit woman's in it.)
Barbos: Doesn't look much like an explosion victim to me. (DJ shakes his head.) I think your fears of a double crosser are justified.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Kitchen. Marcy is looking in the cupboard.]
Marcy: Oh my stars!
(Phoebe and Piper walk in.)
Piper: What is it? What's wrong?
Marcy: You can't keep wolfsbane and holy thistle on the same shelf. Their harmonics are in complete opposition. I mean I don't want to second guess a sister witch but this is all wrong. I don't see how you can cast a spell that's worth a darn.
Piper: Now wait just a minute, Missy.
(A car door slams from outside. Phoebe looks out the window.)
Phoebe: Oh my God. Prue's home I think.
Piper: That's Prue alright.
(They walk out of the kitchen. Prue comes in.)
Phoebe: Wow.
Piper: Gee, Prue, it looks like being a hired killer agrees with you.
Prue: I don't want to risk anyone seeing me out of uniform.
Piper: We've been worried sick about you.
Prue: I'm sorry, I just didn't want to jeopardise my cover.
Piper: And nice porsche. A gift from Bane?
Prue: No, Bane prefers never mind. Look, I need to get back before they get suspicious. Tell me what you know.
Phoebe: We know M. Steadwell is safe.
Piper: Can't say the same for the kitchen.
Prue: And idea why she was on the list?
Phoebe: Could be because she's a witch. I mean, not a magical witch but a witch practitioner, none the less.
Piper: A hyperactive witch practitioner.
Prue: I wonder if all the names were witches? How many were on the list?
Piper: Eleven. Except 'P. Halliwell' was only down once, so if you count us individually, thirteen.
Prue: Thirteen dead witches by midnight on Friday the thirteenth. Ring any bells?
Piper: Barbas.
Prue: Gotta be.
Phoebe: It can't be. I mean, we eighty-sixed him already.
Prue: He must have found some kind of loop hole. I gotta get back to Bane, try and flush Barbas out.
Piper: Prue, you can't go back there.
Prue: Piper, it's almost eight. I have got to get to Barbas fast otherwise Bane's gonna want to see three bodies - our bodies.
Phoebe: Have fun.
Prue: Phoebe, I'm working.
Piper: More like you're working it. Come on, Prue. I've taken a walk on the dark side. I know all the signs.
Prue: Okay, so it's a little different.
Phoebe: And dangerous.
Prue: I can handle it.
Piper: Prue, Barbas can paralyze you and use your greatest fear against you. You don't want to face that alone.
Prue: How? I've already conquered my fear of drowning. What else can he do?
Phoebe: Maybe tap into some other fear. You can't defeat him alone, Prue.
Prue: I know that. But for now I'll be okay. I'll call you guys and check in in an hour.
(She leaves.)
[Scene: A night club. Prue walks in wearing leather pants, a small leather top and a long fur coat. Bane sees her. He walks up to her.]
Bane: You look like you're ready to celebrate. Are the Halliwell's dead?
(Prue takes off her coat.)
Prue: The night's young. We have a little bit of business to discuss.
Bane: What, all work and no play?
Prue: Oh we'll play. Right after I get my money.
Bane: Oh you'll get paid after their dead.
Prue: You know, the boss has a nasty habit of disappearing in the middle of night. I'd hate for my money to disappear with it. Can I trust you? And Barbas?
Bane: I'm disappointed you doubted even one of us.
Prue: I wanna talk to him.
Bane: Well, like you said, the night is young. (They walk over to where everyone is dancing. They start dancing really close together and they smile at each other. They start kissing. DJ walks up to them and taps Bane on the shoulder. They stop kissing.) DJ, what's your problem?
DJ: I need to talk to you.
Bane: Better be life and death. Excuse me. (He kisses the top of Prue's hand and walks over to the bar.)
Prue: I'll just amuse myself. (to some guy) Hi.
Guy: Hey.
(They start dancing.)
[Cut to Bane and DJ.]
Bane: Make it fast.
DJ: I just came from the morgue.
Bane: Looking for a date?
DJ: No, checking on yours. She's a fraud.
Bane: What are you talking about?
DJ: Marcy Steadwell isn't in the morgue and I think they real Hellfire is.
Bane: I don't believe it.
DJ: Barbas believes it.
[Scene: Manor. Marcy is running through the house waving a smoking cigar-shaped object. Piper's on the phone.]
Phoebe: Marcy, please.
Marcy: (singing) Save your sisters moon with your protective beans.
Piper: Oh, please stop.
Marcy: (singing) Give all who dwell within this spell, sweet days and sweet dreams.
Piper: Okay, that's all folks.
(She freezes Marcy.)
Phoebe: Who knew perky could be so annoying?
Piper: How long do you think we can keep her like this?
Phoebe: Your power, your call. Hey, did you reach Prue?
Piper: No, she's still not answering her cell. She really should've checked in by now.
(The doorbell rings.)
Phoebe: Ooh, maybe that's her.
Piper: Ringing the bell?
Phoebe: Well, maybe she lost her keys. Right, Marcy?
(Piper opens her the door. Dan's standing there holding a piece of board.)
Piper: Dan.
Dan: Hey, Piper.
(Dan walks inside.)
Piper: Uh, Dan, wait.
Dan: I wanted to bring this over than leave it with my crew. I'm having trouble finding enough fly wood. (Phoebe walks in the foyer.) Hey, Phoebe.
Phoebe: Hey, Dan. Piper, don't forget about the ... (She mumbles something.)
Piper: Mmm hmm.
Dan: Is this not a good time?
Piper: Never. I mean, always. Why don't you come in? Here, let me help you.
Dan: No, I got it. (Piper helps Dan carry the board in another room.) Piper, I got it. Piper!
(Phoebe goes back in the room where a frozen Marcy is standing. She has a blanket on her. Phoebe takes off the blanket and waits for her to unfreeze.)
Marcy: (singing) Put those who dwell underneath this room.
Phoebe: Okay, you know, Marcy, there's lots of rooms that need protecting upstairs.
Marcy: Wait a minute, where did Piper go?
Phoebe: Oh, she just cast a little spell of her own.
Marcy: Ohh!
Phoebe: Yes, lots of rooms upstairs, honey. Quietly, quietly.
[Cut to the living room.]
Dan: So, how you doing?
Piper: Fine. It wasn't that heavy.
Dan: No, I'm talking about everything.
Piper: Oh, I'm fine with that too. I'm just actually a little stressed. But everything's gonna be okay.
Dan: So have you thought anymore about my offer? (Piper doesn't know what to say.) Hey, you know what? I don't wanna push you.
Piper: I know. It's just everytime I think I have something figured out, things tend to shift.
Dan: What things? Hey, you just let me know when you're ready.
(They kiss.)
[Scene: The hit woman's apartment. Prue and Bane walk in.]
Prue: You know, it's not midnight yet, we still have time. Lots of time.
Bane: Do you think you could fool me? Get away with it? You killed the woman I loved.
Prue: What are you talking about?
Bane: You killed Hellfire.
Prue: I am Hellfire.
Bane: Liar!
(He pushes her. Barbas appears.)
Barbas: So very nice to see you again, Miss Halliwell.
(He passes his hand in front of Prue's face.)
Bane: Halliwell? From the list?
Barbas: Well, well, well. Can't say that I'm surprised. You greatest fear is that someone will kill your sisters.
Prue: No.
Barbas: Oh, yes. the demons are after them. Even as we speak. They have assumed your sisters identities in order to kill them. But you must kill the imposters first by midnight.
Prue: Kill the imposters.
Barbas: Yes.
Bane: Then I get to deal with her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. The doorbell rings. Phoebe answers it.]
Phoebe: Hey, Darryl.
Darryl: Phoebe.
Phoebe: Come on in. Thanks for coming so fast. We need you to baby-sit.
Darryl: Is this one breathing?
Phoebe: Yes, this one is breathing.
Darryl: Good. Where you headed?
Phoebe: To find Prue. She's impersonating the hit woman.
Darryl: What?
Phoebe: It's a long story and you wouldn't like it but she was supposed to check in by now.
Darryl: I'm going with you.
Phoebe: No, no, you can't. I appreciate but you can't come with us.
Darryl: You don't have to hide anything from me anymore.
Phoebe: I know that, Darryl, but believe me you don't wanna be anywhere near us right now. We would never forgive ourselves if anything happened to you.
Darryl: What, wind up like Andy?
Phoebe: We won't let that happen.
(Piper and Marcy come down the stairs.)
Marcy: Which cleanses the aura of the house and makes it strong.
(She quirts potion stuff in the air.)
Piper: Give me strength. Hi, Darryl.
Darryl: Piper. You're gonna have to come with me, Miss Steadwell.
Piper: Okay, thanks for everything, Marcy. Bye, bye.
Marcy: Oh, is this about the explosion at my shop?
Darryl: Yes. Until we close the case, you'll be safer with me.
Marcy: Oh, I think you have that backwards, Inspector. The protection spell I cast has been doing such a bang up job for these girls, just think what it could do for you.
Phoebe: Okay, well, we thank you for that protection spell. Thank you so much and now we have to go now.
Marcy: Come Inspector, my work here is done.
(She squirts the potion in the air.)
Darryl: Why don't we leave this here.
(He gives Phoebe the potion. They leave.)
[Scene: The hit woman's apartment. Piper and Phoebe walk in.]
Phoebe: Are you sure that was the porsche parked out front?
Piper: Positive. Prue's here somewhere.
Phoebe: Let's just hope she's alone. (Prue walks in the room.) Prue.
Piper: We've been so worried.
(Prue uses her power and Piper falls to the ground.)
Phoebe: Prue? (Prue then uses her power on Phoebe and she falls on the ground. Phoebe crawls over to Piper.) You right?
Piper: No, I'm not. (They stand up and walk quickly outside in the hallway.) What is going on?
Phoebe: I think you need to freeze her fast.
Piper: Good witches don't freeze remember.
Phoebe: She doesn't look so good now.
(Prue walks in the hallway.)
Prue: I won't let you kill my sisters.
(There's a plate on a stand in the hallway. Prue uses her power and it flies towards Phoebe and Piper. They duck and it smashes against the wall.)
Piper: She's flipped out.
Phoebe: The patio. Fast. Come on. (They run onto the patio and hide behind lattice.) Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
(She's about to sneeze.)
Piper: Don't, don't, don't, don't.
(Phoebe sneezes. Prue sees them.)
Phoebe: She doesn't know we're her sisters.
Piper: Okay, we gotta make her choose. We've gotta try and convince astral Prue. Make her wanna be in two places at once. You ready?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Piper: Go, go.
(They run in two different directions. Prue stands there. She doesn't know which way to go.)
Phoebe: Hi!
Piper: Come on, Prue. Come get me.
Phoebe: Uh, no, it's me you want. Over here.
Piper: No, Prudence. Come on, me.
Phoebe: No, me.
(Prue astral projects.)
Piper: Phoebe. Phoebe, we need to hurry before she becomes one again. Phoebe.
Phoebe: Prue, Barbas has brainwashed you.
Prue: You're going to hurt my sisters.
Piper: Prue, we're your sisters. Listen to me. You gave me the chicken pox.
Phoebe: Remember, I taught you how to French kiss.
Piper: You broke your ankle when you were seven. Come on, Prue. We went to Duran Duran together. You stretched out my leg warmers.
Phoebe: And then you gave them to me.
Prue: How do you know all this?
Phoebe: Because we're your sisters, Prue.
Prue: Sisters.
(She hugs Phoebe and astral projects back in her body.)
Phoebe: Prue, are you with us?
Prue: I want Barbas.
Piper: All we have to do is lay low until midnight and then he'll disappear and go back to wherever the hell it is he came from.
Prue: No, he's back early. He knows what rules apply or don't. I don't wanna take any chances. Let's go show him what his greatest fear is.
[Cut to the apartment. The clock reads 11:57.]
Barbas: If she's not back in one minute, then I'm gonna spend my last two minutes killing you.
Bane: Hey, I didn't come to you. You came to me remember.
Barbas: If you hadn't been blinded by your passion, then I would be minutes away from freedom right now. (Prue walks in.) Are they dead?
Prue: They're right where they belong.
(Phoebe and Piper walk in.)
Barbas: Kill them.
(Bane gets out his gun and Piper freezes them.)
Phoebe: Ooh, I'm beginning to see your attraction to the dark side.
Prue: It wasn't just his dark side I was attracted to. Do you think you can just unfreeze him?
Piper: I don't know, I've never tried.
(Phoebe takes the gun out of Bane's hand. Piper unfreezes Bane.)
Phoebe: Looking for this?
Bane: What's going on?
Prue: Witchcraft at its best.
(Prue uses her power and Bane flies across the room. Barbas unfreezes. The clock chimes.)
Barbas: No! No! Nooo!
(Barbas spins in a circle and disappears.)
Phoebe: I never get tired of kicking his butt.
(Prue walks over to Bane.)
Prue: Just a little something to think about in jail.
Bane: It won't be the only thing I think about, I promise.
Prue: Is that a threat?
Bane: No. It's a compliment.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Piper are cleaning the windows.]
Phoebe: Dan did a really good job with these windows. He is obviously very good with his hands.
Piper: Hey, hands off those hands.
Phoebe: So, did you decide whether or not you're gonna move in with him?
Piper: I have to admit it's very tempting.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, you gotta do what you gotta do. And you deserve to be happy. And don't worry about us, we'll be fine. Especially if I get your room.
Piper: Yes, you could have my room. That is if I was moving out.
Phoebe: Oh, you're not gonna move out? Oh, that is so good because you need to be with your sisters just a little while longer.
Piper: I adore Dan but it's just way too soon for me to move in with him. There's just a few things I need to figure out first. Are you happy now?
Phoebe: I'm delirious. Thank you.
(Prue comes in. She's talking on the phone.)
Prue: Well, just tell Marcy that she can sell the ring and use the money to rebuild the bookstore. It's a thank you for protecting us. No Darryl, the ring is not hot. I'll talk to you later. (She hangs up.)
Phoebe: So, what else did Hellfire get from Bane?
Prue: Diamond necklaces, bracelets, mahogany, a Salvador dolly.
Piper: You can't really keep all that stuff can you?
Prue: No. (Piper shakes her head.) No. It wouldn't really be right but maybe I can figure out a way to use it for some good and save my job. And if not, I can always astral project and job hunt twice as fast.
Phoebe: Sure, just rub it in. I would love to be in two places at once.
Prue: As long as one of those places is fun, I'll be happy. I think I may have learned a few things from Ms. Hellfire. (The doorbell rings.) You know, change my routine, shake things up a little bit. (Phoebe and Piper laugh. Prue goes and answers the door.) Jack.
Jack: You know, Prue, it is bad enough that you don't answer your phone, come into the office or otherwise appear to be doing your job but now you're gonna take me down with you. What do you got to say for yourself?
Prue: $275,000.
Jack: Excuse me?
Prue: The market value of the anonymous estate donation I've been out acquiring. The one request is that all proceeds go to Stop the Violence foundation. Not bad for a days worth of work now is it?
Jack: No, it certainly isn't. And you know, I never doubted you for a moment, partner.
Prue: Liar. Let's go celebrate, partner.
Jack: Okay. | Plan: A: Ms. Hellfire; Q: What was the name of the assassin sent to kill the Halliwell's? A: Friday the 13th; Q: On what day was Ms. Hellfire sent to kill the Halliwells? A: her identity; Q: What does Prue assume to find out who hired Ms. Hellfire? A: her boss; Q: Who gives Prue an ultimatum to sell $100,000 worth of goods or she'll be fired? A: Jack; Q: Who does Prue have to sell $100,000 worth of goods with to avoid being fired? A: her investigation; Q: What is Prue trying to continue after she is fired? A: their paths; Q: What did Prue and Barbas cross? A: the demon; Q: Who is Barbas? A: Darryl; Q: Who learns that Prue and her sisters are witches? Summary: When an assassin called Ms. Hellfire sent to kill the Halliwell's and all other witches on Friday the 13th is killed, Prue assumes her identity to find out who hired her. Prue soon finds this harder than usual since her boss gives her an ultimatum that she and Jack sell $100,000 worth of goods otherwise they'll be fired. After she is able to continue her investigation, Prue and her sisters have their paths crossed with the demon Barbas. Darryl learns that the sisters are witches. |
IMAGE OF THE FENDAHL
BY: CHRIS BOUCHER
Part One
Running time: 24:38
[SCENE_BREAK]
COLBY: Oh, don't just sit there, Eustace, say something.
THEA: Why don't you just publish and get it over with.
COLBY: Why should anyone believe it? I found him and I don't.
THEA: Are you questioning my technical competence.
COLBY: Of course not. The volcanic sediment is twelve million years old. I accept without reservation the results of your excellent potassium-argon test.
THEA: Thank you.
COLBY: What I don't accept is that Eustace here got himself buried under a volcano at least eight million years before he could have possibly existed.
STAEL: Colby, Doctor Fendelman is waiting for the corrected coordinates.
COLBY: Here you go.
STAEL: Thank you.
COLBY: Oh, and Maxi, end the day with a smile.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FENDELMAN: Yes. Good, good. Right. Stael, we can begin.
FENDELMAN: Phase one power.
STAEL: Phase one power.
FENDELMAN: Phase two power.
STAEL: Phase two power.
FENDELMAN: Switching to main computer control.
FENDELMAN: Activate full power run-up sequence.
STAEL: Activating full power run-up sequence, now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MAN: I can't, I can't.
[SCENE_BREAK]
STAEL: Full power.
FENDELMAN: Excellent, Stael. We can begin the scan. Commencing scan, programme one.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Professor Marius would not be very pleased.
DOCTOR: Nasty. Very nasty.
LEELA: Will he be all right?
DOCTOR: Shush. I don't know. It will be all right. It just has a little corrosion in its circuits.
LEELA: I can call K9 he if I want to. You call the TARDIS she.
DOCTOR: Never.
LEELA: Never. You do. I've heard you. You called it she just a moment ago. And another thing. It is quite clear to me that you cannot control this old machine either.
DOCTOR: What did you say, Leela?
LEELA: Leela said
DOCTOR: I heard what you said.
LEELA: Then why ask?
DOCTOR: Leela, I understand the TARDIS perfectly. There's not one single part of her that I haven't adjusted or repaired at some time or another.
LEELA: Don't cry about it.
DOCTOR: Furthermore, I am in complete and constant control of her.
LEELA: Complete and constant? What is it? What's wrong?
DOCTOR: Someone's using a sonic time scan. Come on, old girl. Don't let us down now. Come on.
LEELA: What's happening?
DOCTOR: We're being dragged towards a relative continuum displacement zone.
LEELA: A what?
DOCTOR: A relative continuum displacement. It's like a hole in time.
LEELA: What will happen?
DOCTOR: I wish I knew.
LEELA: Can we get free?
DOCTOR: That depends on this misunderstood, unmanageable old machine.
LEELA: I meant no disrespect.
DOCTOR: She's turning.
LEELA: I could have been mistaken.
DOCTOR: She's done it. Well done, old girl. You're wonderful. Wonderful. She's wonderful. Isn't she wonderful? TARDIS wonderful!
LEELA: Doctor, you did not tell me. Can she really understand what we say?
DOCTOR: Yeah, well, she just generates a low intensity telepathic field, and obviously primitive thought patterns like yours appeal to her.
LEELA: They do?
DOCTOR: Yes.
LEELA: Oh. Oh.
DOCTOR: That's odd.
LEELA: What, my thought patterns?
DOCTOR: What? No, no, no. I can't calculate the coordinates.
LEELA: What are we going to do?
DOCTOR: We'll just have to trace the scan back to its source.
LEELA: To destroy it?
DOCTOR: We have to stop it being used, certainly, otherwise it'll cause a direct continuum implosion and destroy the planet it's operating from.
LEELA: Well, do we know which one that is yet?
DOCTOR: It can't be. Oh, no.
LEELA: What? What is it?
DOCTOR: Not that one.
LEELA: What one?
DOCTOR: Not there.
LEELA: Not where?
DOCTOR: Earth.
LEELA: Earth?
DOCTOR: Yes. Your ancestors have a talent for self-destruction that borders on genius.
LEELA: Listen, Doctor, I do not like the way you keep talking about my ancestors.
DOCTOR: I like your new dress.
LEELA: Thank you.
DOCTOR: It's a pleasure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FENDELMAN: Ah, Thea. You are feeling better this morning?
THEA: Yes, I'm fine, thanks, Doctor Fendelman. I still don't remember what happened, though. But I do remember it was your turn to make breakfast this morning, Max.
FENDELMAN: Ah yes. I'm afraid that was my fault. We have been working all night, haven't we, Max. We have only just finished. And the results, I think the results will amaze even Colby. Where is he, by the way?
THEA: He's out, exercising Leaky.
[SCENE_BREAK]
COLBY: Leaky! Here, boy! Leaky, come on. Leaky, now what have you got there? More bones, is it, you old bone hunter you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FENDELMAN: But Colby's methodology cannot be faulted. The excavation of the skull was brilliant. The reconstruction was first class work.
THEA: But he cannot accept the evolutionary implications.
FENDELMAN: And you, Thea? Can you accept them?
THEA: Chronology is my field, Doctor Fendelman. I'm a technician, not a human palaeontologist.
COLBY: There's a corpse by the wood.
FENDELMAN: What sort of corpse?
COLBY: A dead one. What other sort is there?
FENDELMAN: Male or female?
COLBY: Oh, male.
THEA: Do we know him?
COLBY: I never saw him before.
FENDELMAN: How did he die? Are there signs of violence?
COLBY: Well, not exactly. By the look of him, he didn't die easily.
STAEL: It is never easy to die.
COLBY: Well, thank you, Max. I'm going to call the police.
FENDELMAN: No, a moment, a moment. No, we must consider.
COLBY: What's to consider? There's a body out there. We can't just leave it. Or are you breeding vultures in that secret lab of yours, hmm?
FENDELMAN: This is no time for discourtesy, Adam.
COLBY: I'm sorry. It was a shock. He looks terrible. He must have been terrified when he died.
FENDELMAN: Adam, Adam, just think for a moment. These woods, they are supposed to be haunted. Now can you imagine what would happen if there were news of a mysterious death in them?
THEA: Well, there'd be a certain amount of publicity.
FENDELMAN: Publicity? It would be a circus. They attract enough lunatics already without advertising for them.
COLBY: I don't see that we've much alternative.
FENDELMAN: Adam, Adam. Our work is at a critical stage. Your discovery could be one of the most important milestones in human development. Your work will fundamentally affect how man views himself. We cannot be interrupted at this moment of destiny.
COLBY: Yes, but
FENDELMAN: And besides, we wouldn't want your Nobel Prize to be jeopardised by an unfortunate coincidence, now would we?
THEA: What are you suggesting?
FENDELMAN: I'm not suggesting anything. Adam will recover and then he can show us the body. Then we will decide, eh? We could arrange for it to be found somewhere else.
THEA: But that's illegal!
FENDELMAN: A small deception only.
THEA: Adam, you can't possibly
COLBY: It wouldn't make much difference.
FENDELMAN: There, you see? We work something out, eh? Stael. (quietly) Get on to London. Tell Hartman I want a security team here within two hours. Tell him I want the best men we have and I want them armed. Then I shall want you to do a post- mortem on that body.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Earth?
DOCTOR: Earth.
LEELA: Is this the place of the sonic time scan?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes. Oh, well, more or less. I haven't pinpointed it definitely, but it's certain to be around here somewhere.
LEELA: Come on then.
DOCTOR: No, no, no. The one who leads says come on. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: Good morning, ladies. Now, which one of you has the time scanner, hmm?
LEELA: This doesn't look like the place, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I did say more or less, though this does look rather less than more. You know, I don't think these cows know anything about the time scanner. Never mind. It's a beautiful day. The exercise will do us good. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FENDELMAN: Ah. Look, it's there, Stael. If we can get a visual representation of this area here, then we shall see the living owner of that skull.
STAEL: I have completed the post-mortem.
FENDELMAN: And?
STAEL: I cannot find the exact cause of death. There is a small blister at the base of his skull, but that can't have killed him.
FENDELMAN: Natural causes, then.
STAEL: There is something strange.
FENDELMAN: Oh, what's that?
STAEL: The outward signs are that the man died quite recently. His watch is still working, he has a Thermos of tea in his pocket which is still hot, yesterday's newspaper. The mud on his boots is still
FENDELMAN: Yes, yes, yes, Stael, get on with it.
STAEL: The body is decomposing.
FENDELMAN: Already?
STAEL: It's falling apart as you watch.
FENDELMAN: The cause?
STAEL: I don't know, but it's as though all the energy has been removed. All the binding force has gone and all that remains is a husk.
FENDELMAN: Are the security team in place?
STAEL: Yes.
FENDELMAN: Good. You will dispose of the body, Stael, and nobody must know of this. Nobody at all.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LEELA: Doctor? Doctor!
DOCTOR: Hmm?
LEELA: He came armed and silent.
DOCTOR: You must have been sent by Providence.
MOSS: No, I was sent by the Council to cut the verges.
LEELA: Your Council should choose its warriors more carefully. A child of the Sevateem could have taken you.
MOSS: Escaped from somewhere, hasn't she? If you're her doctor, you shouldn't let her wander around loose. She could do someone a damage.
LEELA: He was not hunting us?
DOCTOR: No. Would you like a jelly baby?
MOSS: You've both escaped from somewhere, haven't you.
DOCTOR: Frequently. What's the nearest village?
MOSS: Fetchborough, about a mile down that way.
DOCTOR: Fetchborough. Tell me about the ghosts.
MOSS: Don't know what you mean. Ain't nothing like that around here.
LEELA: He is lying.
DOCTOR: The strangers, then.
MOSS: What, Fendelman and that lot up at the Priory?
DOCTOR: Yes, Fendelman. Tell me about him.
MOSS: Well, he's foreign, isn't he. Calls hisself a scientist. They do say he's one of the richest men in the world. You wouldn't think so to look at him, scruffy devil. They say he made his money out of electronics, but that don't seem likely 'cos he ain't Japanese.
DOCTOR: Japanese?
MOSS: No. His people dig up bodies.
DOCTOR: They do? Splendid.
LEELA: Grave robbers.
DOCTOR: Or archaeologists. Where is this Priory?
MOSS: Yon side of village.
DOCTOR: And it's haunted, of course.
MOSS: Oh aye, but it's the wood more than the
DOCTOR: Shush. Don't you worry. What's your name?
MOSS: Ted Moss.
DOCTOR: Ted Moss? Hmm. Don't you worry, Mister Moss. We won't tell a soul, living or dead. Come on, Leela.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MITCHELL: Just relax and stay there. We'll get it sorted out.
MARTHA: Don't 'ee tell me what to do in me own kitchen.
MITCHELL: This isn't your kitchen, Grandma.
MARTHA: I bain't your grandma. Don't 'ee grandma me.
COLBY: Hey, what's going on here? Who are you?
MARTHA: This fellow's trying to stop me comin' in the house.
MITCHELL: My name is Mitchell. I'm the security team leader. And no one is allowed in or out without clearance. This loony old trout seems to think she's an exception.
MARTHA: Loony old trout?
COLBY: Oh, gently, Mrs T, gently. Remember your varicose veins.
MITCHELL: I've had it with you now, you old stoat. Any more trouble and I'll have you outside and set the dog on you.
COLBY: Hey, now, just a minute.
THEA: You can't talk to her like that.
MARTHA: Oh, don't 'ee mind him, my lovelies. Sooner or later he'll be sorry. Later or sooner, he'll regret. Well, I'll be going now, Professor. You can tell Doctor Fendelman I'll come back when the others is gone. I don't hold with the likes of 'ee. There isn't a dog born that as attack me, boy. They got more sense than most people.
MITCHELL: Now I can see why they burnt witches.
COLBY: Cheaper than oil. I don't know who you are, friend, but I hope you can cook.
MITCHELL: I told you who I am.
COLBY: You meant all that stuff about restrictions?
MITCHELL: Of course.
THEA: You said no one could come in or out without authorisation.
MITCHELL: No.
THEA: Does that apply to us?
MITCHELL: Yes, Miss Ransome.
THEA: Oh, that's ridiculous.
COLBY: Authorisation from whom?
MITCHELL: I think you'd better have a word with Doctor Fendelman.
COLBY: Stay here, Thea. I'll go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
COLBY: Doctor Fendelman?
COLBY: What on Earth's he playing at?
FENDELMAN: You are impressed?
COLBY: Oh, I don't know. I always say if you've seen one jukebox, you've seen them all. This is archaeology?
FENDELMAN: Oh, this is the ultimate archaeology, Adam. It was data from here which led me to the excavation sites in Kenya. And when we had excavated the skull and assembled it and Thea had dated it, then the real work of this machine could begin.
COLBY: And that is?
FENDELMAN: About ten years ago, when I was working on a missile guidance system, I noticed a sort of vibration. A sort of sonic shadow.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: What is it?
LEELA: There's a guard. I shall kill him.
DOCTOR: No.
LEELA: Why not?
DOCTOR: You'll upset the dog. Listen, Leela, you simply must stop attacking people.
LEELA: Why?
DOCTOR: Because you'll get us into trouble.
LEELA: Do not worry, Doctor. I shall protect you.
DOCTOR: What? You'll protect me? Come on, we'll circle round the back. Come on!
[SCENE_BREAK]
COLBY: Crazy as a bed bug. He actually believes that he can see into the past with that electronic fruit machine he's got down there.
THEA: Did he demonstrate it for you?
COLBY: Did he demonstrate it? Of course he didn't demonstrate it. How could he? I mean, the whole thing's a load of old rubbish. He thinks because he can pervert the laws of the land, he can do the same for the laws of physics.
THEA: Well, it's a bit late to be self-righteous about perverting the laws of the land, isn't it.
COLBY: What? Yes. Yes, I suppose it is.
THEA: Did he, er, did he give any reason for not demonstrating it?
COLBY: Apparently it only works after dark.
THEA: Hmm. Minimising solar disruption, perhaps.
COLBY: What?
THEA: Well, Fendelman's no fool when it comes to electronics. He was one of the authentic geniuses in the field until he developed this interest in the origins of man.
COLBY: You mean until he flipped his lid. Oh, come on. We'll go and get the supper.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: The house must be that way. Now come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DOCTOR: All right, now whatever you do, stay close to me, you understand? Leela?
DOCTOR: Leela! She's done it again. | Plan: A: Archeologists; Q: Who uses a time scanner to explore the history of a sinister 12 million year old skull? A: a reputedly haunted woods; Q: Where are the archeologists near? A: a time scanner; Q: What do the archeologists use to explore the history of a sinister 12 million year old skull? A: a hole; Q: What did the archeologists create in time that attracted the Doctor's attention? Summary: Archeologists near a reputedly haunted woods use a time scanner to explore the history of a sinister 12 million year old skull, creating a hole in time that attracts the Doctor's attention. |
Ted from 2030: Kids,back when we were younger, your Uncle Marshall and I were really into college basketball. Every year,March Madness would take over the entire apartment.
At Ted's apartment
(Lily and Robin arrive)
Robin: Hey.What's with the blackboard?
Ted: It's our NCAA bracket.
Marshall: Big board equals big luck!
Lily: Hey, that looks familiar, where did you get it?
[FLASHBACK]
Marshall comes into Lily's classroom with flowers. There's no one inside except for the cleaner.
Marshall: Hello. Uh, I'm looking for my wife, Ms.Aldrin.
Cleaner: There's no school today. It's Saturday.
Marshall: Of course. How could I forget?
Cleaner: Dumb ass.
(The cleaner leaves the classroom. Ted comes in. He and Marshall take the blackboard out.)
Ted: Big board!
Marshall: Big luck!
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Marshall: We found it. No big deal. Anyway, every year, Ted and I go in together on this big money pool out in Staten Island.
Ted: Yeah. The winner gets $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.
Marshall: And you get to keep the duffel bag.
Lily: Why do you guys put yourselves through this? You lose every year.
Ted: That's because in the past, we were just guessing. This year, we watched every game, read box scores, tracked injuries. This isn't March Madness. This is March Meticulously Thought-outness.
Barney: Your team lost 20 minutes ago.
Ted: I didn't know they were playing today.
Lily: You okay, Barney?
Barney: Something strange is going on. I was down at the hardware store trying to get a little somethin' somethin'.
Robin: Wait. You go to the hardware store to pick up girls?
Barney: There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves.
Robin: Of course there are.
Barney: Single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch.
Lily: You could not be more evil.
Barney: Sorry. Five. Recently widowed. So, I'm talking to this girl...
[FLASHBACK]
(Barney is at the hardware store, et is talking to a crying woman.)
Barney: Look, I'm sure he's in a better place. Now let's find you a sturdier ladder.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Barney: I was only gone for a second when...
[FLASHBACK]
(Barney comes back with a sturdier ladder)
Barney: See? Skid-proof.
(The woman slaps him)
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Barney: The same thing happened at the pet store yesterday.
Marshall: Pet store?
Ted: Single girl, mid-twenties, looking for a canine replacement for the boyfriend who just dumped her. Instead, finds Barney.
Barney: God bless you, Ted. You're reading my blog.
Ted: I'm really bored at work.
[FLASHBACK]
Barney: I'd call your ex a dog, but that would be an insult to little Ladybug here.
Woman: Oh, I want to take her home right now.
Barney: Not without a chew toy from Uncle Barney first. And when I got back... I'm sorry,I'm already spoiling her but diamond in the rough... Could your heart just melt?
Woman, slapping him: Jerk!
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Barney: Weird, right? Yeah. The same thing happened last week at the museum.
Lily: Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Barney: Lily.
Lily: You pretend to be a struggling young artist who needs a new muse.
Barney: No. Marshall.
Marshall: You're a millionaire art thief casing the joint for a thrill money can no longer give you!
Barney: Oh. No. Robin.
Robin: You're going blind, and you're trying to soak up all the beauty in the world before the darkness descends.
Barney: Bingo! So, I was talking to this girl...
[FLASHBACK]
Barney: At this point, about 83%. Soon, these audio guides will be all that I have left.
Woman: I'm so sorry.
(Barney touches her face)
Barney: My God, you are beautiful. How about I get you a headset so you can see with your ears like I do? I couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds, but when I came back... Hmm.You know, I also love the smell of great art.
(The woman slaps him and leaves)
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Barney: Why does this keep happening?
Lily: Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are.
Barney: Oh, really? Then why am I not in prison for perjury? But I don't want to talk about work. Something weird is going on here.
Ted from 2030: But the next night got even weirder.
At the Bar
Barney: Alan Alda. It was Alan Alda.
Lily: You never gonna believe what just happened.
[FLASHBACK]
(2 minutes earlier...)
Barney: Who was that, um, guy from Mash? The main guy. What...? Hawkeye from Mash. How can I be blanking on this?
Lily: Alan Alda?
Barney: No.
(Barney stands up and goes away; a woman approaches Lily.)
Mystery woman: Hey, a word of advice? That guy you were talking to, Barney Stinson... I know he seems charming, but he's just saying whatever it takes to get in your pants. Sleeping with Barney was the biggest mistake of my life.
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Barney: Oh, my God. Where is she?
Lily: She must have left. She...
Barney: Well, she-she said I hooked up with her? What was her name? What did she look like?
Lily: She didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs. Kind of trashy.
Barney: Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?
Lily: Yes!
Barney: That's all of them. Okay. Stay calm. Let's think this through. One of the girls who I lied to, seduced and abandoned is trying to ruin my life. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one it is. Oh, dear God!
[OPENING CREDITS]
Barney: Some woman that I slept with and screwed over is trying to ruin my life. God, why is this happening to me?
Lily: It's karma.
Barney: Nah, it's not Karma. She's stripping in Vegas. Plus, we're good.
Ted: Look, if you want to figure out who it is, why don't you just start by checking your list?
Barney: My list? Dude, do not pretend you're not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with.
Marshall: I have one. It's called my marriage license.
Ted: Come on, let's see the list.
Barney: Ted, don't be crass. I would never demean the women that I've slept with by putting their names on some tawdry list.
At Barney's
Barney: This is a scrapbook of all of the women I've slept with. I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th. Ask for Heloise. Tell her I sent you. What do you think, Lil? You recognize the saboteur?
Lily: I don't know, Barney. I only saw her face.
Ted: How many of these girls know they're being photographed?
Barney: All of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out.
Lily: Oh, Barney, you're never gonna figure out which one of these is the mystery woman. All of these women have a right to hate you.
Robin: Oh, Lily, come on, lighten up. I mean, any girl who's gonna be with a guy like Barney and do this or that, or this and that, or do this with those in that... I mean, she should have known what she was getting into.
Barney: Absolutely. And what I do with these women should be between me and them. And you guys. And Heloise. She helped me do the decoupage.
Lily: I don't know, Barney. I don't recognize any of these women. I mean, some minor celebrities, one government official, and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot.
Barney: This is impossible. There's too many girls. How the hell am I gonna narrow this down?
At Ted's
Barney: The top 64 women I've slept with, split into four regions. This tournament will systematically narrow down which girl has the most cause to hate my guts. Last girl standing has to be the saboteur.
Lily: Absolutely not, Barney. We are not going to make a game out of the women you've tricked into sleeping with you. No way!
(Barney takes out the beer, and the tournament begins)
Lily: The girl who thought he had 12 hours to live has way more cause to ruin his life than the girl he faked proposed to.
Robin: It's fake proposal girl. I mean, she hired a wedding planner!
Ted: It's 12 hours to live! That girl flew them both to Paris!
Robin: Oh, she only bought him a one-way ticket!
Barney: Okay, okay, everybody! Hands.
Marshal, Lily and Ted: 12 hours to live!
Robin: Damn it!
Barney: Okay, toss up. "Thought I was Jorge Posada," or "You have my dead wife's kidney?"
Ted: Kidney!
Robin: Jorge Posada!
Lily: She bought Yankees season tickets to watch him play!
Barney: That's true...
Marshall: It's "Dead wife's kidney." How are we even discussing this?
Lily: Fake baby!
Marshall: Lost at sea!
Ted: Fake baby!
Marshall: Lost at sea!
Ted: I was there. Trust me. It's fake baby.
Barney: Down to the sweet 16. And coming out of the Upper West Side, we have the number three seed, "Girl who thought I owned Google," up against the number seven seed, "Girl who thought I was a scuba instructor."
Ted: You got to go scuba instructor.
Robin: You're kidding me!
Ted: She got the bends!
Barney: Yeah, she did.
Marshall: Evil twin!
Ted: Prince of Norway! How could it not be Prince of Norway?!
Robin: Barney, you're the tiebreaker.
Barney: I'm going with Evil Twin.
Ted: You're kidding me!
Barney: Sorry, but I did sleep with that girl twice. As Barney and Larney. Okay, we're down to the Final Four. What do you think, people? Come on, dig deep.
Robin: Oh! I can't decide. It could be any one of them.
Lily: Is that the blackboard from my classroom?
Barney: Come on! Marshall?
Marshall: I'm tired and sad.
Barney: Mosby?
Ted: I want to call my mom, just tell her I love her.
Barney: Okay. Then this is as far as we get. The Final Four. It's got to be Meg, Anna, Kate or Holly. We are gonna track these girls down, and you're going to tell me which one approached you at the bar.
Lily: You guys stole my blackboard!
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the street
Barney: Okay, there's her building. When she comes out, I'm gonna hide, and once you figure out if she's the girl from the bar, we run like hell.
Lily: No.
Barney: What do you mean "no"?
Lily: That woman, like every woman in your Final Four, deserves an apology, and I'm not telling you if she's the one until hear you say, "I'm sorry."
Barney: Are you nuts? That would involve me speaking to a woman I've already had s*x with, which, frankly, is a little t like changing the oil in a rental car.
Lily: Barney, you're doing this.
Barney: Lily, this girl hates me. I hooked up with her in an apartment I was pretending was my own, told her I loved her, and then ditched her there. She got arrested for trespassing, bit a cop, and spent eight days in jail. Oh, crap, there she is! If she sees me, she's gonna kill me!
Lily: Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Hey, Meg! Over here! Look who it is! Yo old friend Meg: Barney! Barney?
Barney: If she kills me, I want you to go into my apartment, grab the metal briefcase under my bed and throw it in the East River.
Meg: What are you doing here?
Barney: Look, Meg, we need to talk.
Meg: It was all my fault. I know it was, baby. I just came on too strong.
Barney: And I forgive you. I love you.
Meg: Oh, my God! I love you, too!
(They kiss)
Lily: No! What's the matter with you? Get off of him! Look, she's not the one, but you still owe her an apol...
(Barney leaves without a word)
Inside a restaurant
Barney: So you remember who this one is, right?
Lily: Yes. You told her you were Ted and that you were an architect.
Barney: Right, and if you recall, her computer had a web cam and a T-1 line, so I...
Lily: Yeah, I know, Barney, you showed me. And that still doesn't count as a Christmas present. So go over there and apologize.
Barney: Ah, there she is.
Lily: Ooh and she's holding hot coffee. Maybe she'll throw it in your face.
Barney: You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
Lily: I'm making a scrapbook.
(She takes a picture of him, as he is approaching Anna)
Barney: Anna, hi.
Anna: Look who it is, Mr. Big Shot Architect. If you're here to ask me to take down the Web site, forget it.
Barney: What Web site?
Anna: Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
Barney: You're right, I do deserve that. That's all I came here to say. You know what? I don't care who knows about it. Excuse me. Excuse me. I, Ted Mosby, am a jerk to women. Tell your sisters. Tell your daughters to stay away! Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
Ted from 2030: And that little Web site went on to get 400,000 hits. Thanks, Barney!
Lily and Barney are now knocking on Kate's door
Lily: Okay, which one is this again?
Barney: She's...
(Kate opens the door and throws herself onto Barney to strangle him)
Kate: Larney! Die!
Barney: Is it her?
Kate: Die!
Lily: Smile.
Barney: You look good. Have you lost weight?
They finally arrives at Holly's
Barney: We're down to the number one seed. I knew it was Holly. It had to be Holly. Man, I was hoping it wasn't Holly.
[FLASHBACK]
Holly: Barney, did you hear that? Somebody's stealing my truck. Barney? Barney!
[END OF FLASHBACK]
Lily: That is the worst thing you've ever done. That's the worst thing anyone has ever done.
Barney: But in my defense, she was kind of annoying.
Lily: She's gonna kill you.
(Holly opens the door)
Holly: Barney.
Barney: Holly.
Holly: Mark, come over here. Barney, this is my fiancé. Mark.
Mark: Barney? You're the Barney who ditched her in the woods?
Lily: So you're not mad at Barney? Don't you want an apology? An admission of guilt? Your truck back?
Holly: No, whatever happened was in the past. Mark is my present and my future.
Mark: And if you ditching Holly in the woods made her stop running around with guys like you, then cheers.
Barney: Well then, to the last Fourth of July weekend I'll spend getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.
Mark: Fourth of July? We started dating in June.
Back at the apartment
Lily: We ruined their lives. And the worst part of it is that you didn't apologize to any of those women.
Barney: No, the worst part is that we still have no idea who my stalker is.
Robin: Well, that's because you're going about this all wrong. I mean, why chase someone who's following you? All you need to do is go down to the bar, hit on someone, and wait until she turns up.
Barney: That's not a bad idea.
Robin: I'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on.
Ted: I don't know. That's a lot riding on a girl who giggles when she lies.
Robin: I do not.
Ted: Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs?
Robin: No. Look, I can do this, okay? I mean, how else are you going to find out who this girl is.
Barney: I'm in.
Robin: Okay, here's how it's gonna work. Now, Lily...
(Robin starts imagining how it will go)
Robin:...she knows what you look like, so just hang out at the jukebox, and don't draw any attention to yourself. And the guys will be in the booth, just pretending to have a normal conversation.
Barney: Talking, we should be talking. Words. Here are words. Why is this so hard? Laughter!
Robin: And then I'll come in, looking hot as all hell.
Man: Wow, you are gorgeous. Oh, God, I know that's awful.
Robin: I just, uh.... Shh, go away. But come back later. And then Barney will make his move.
Barney: Hey, there, how are you doing?
Robin: Fine, Barney. I mean, um, fine, stranger.
Barney: Wow, you really are awful at this, aren't you?
Robin: Get your hand off my thigh, Barney.
Barney: It's supposed to look like we're about to hook up, Robin.
Robin: You know I'm curious. What do you say to these girls to get them to come home with you?
Barney: Usually I just lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear. You're a little turned on right now, aren't you?
Robin: No. Oh. Look, somebody's watching us. Make your move to the bathroom.
Barney: Uh, I'm going to go to the bathroom now, but, uh, when I come back we'll go to my place and have s*x.
(Barney goes to the bathroom)
Ted: Dude, dude, dude, look. Blonde girl heading over to Robin right now. We are go.
Marshall: I don't know what to do with my hands. What do I normally do with my hands? (Barney joins them at the booth) Barney. I brought a copy of the bracket. Which one is she?
Barney: I don't recognize her. She's not on the Top 64.
Marshall: Not even on bracket. Cinderella story comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing. That'll warm your heart.
Ted: Are you okay?
Barney: I don't even recognize her. I don't remember you. I've spent the last two days trying to remember every girl that I've slept with and all the horrible things that I have done to them. And I have done some horrible things. I mean, at one point, I'm pretty sure I sold a woman. I didn't speak the language, but I shook a guy's hand, he gave me the keys to a Mercedes, and I left her there. I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook of all of the women I have slept with, but I never thought I was the guy who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her. So from the bottom of my heart, for whatever I did to you, I apologize.
Lily: Oh, Barney! Oh, I'm so proud of you. That's not her. I'm so sorry.
Barney: What? What?
Robin: Barney, I'm sorry, that's my friend Sally from work. We just ran into each other.
Barney: So I apologized for nothing?
Lily: Yes, but it was a great apology. And a perfect way to end my scrapbook. I'm going to call this photo "Barney's Redemption." Could you stop giving me the finger?
Ted from 2030: Eventually, Barney did figure out who the mysterious girl was. But we on that later.
At Barney's
(Barney is writing on his blog)
Woman: Barney, come back to bed. You have a shuttle launch tomorrow. And that asteroid that's headed for Manhattan, It's not gonna destroy itself. | Plan: A: A mysterious woman; Q: Who is sabotaging Barney's attempts to hook up with other women? A: a tournament bracket; Q: What does Barney use to narrow down a group of 64 women who have a reason to hate him? Summary: A mysterious woman is sabotaging Barney's attempts to hook up with other women, forcing him to use a tournament bracket to narrow down a group of 64 women who have a reason to hate him. |
THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMEN
by MERVYN HAISMAN and HENRY LINCOLN first broadcast - 28th October 1967
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. INNER SANCTUM
(VICTORIA comes face to face with the aged emaciated form of PADMASAMBHAVA.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: Come in, my child. You have no alternative. Do not be afraid.
VICTORIA: Are... are you?
PADMASAMBHAVA: I am Padmasambhava.
VICTORIA: I'm sorry to intrude. I know this room is meant to be private, but...
PADMASAMBHAVA: You need my help. Is that not so?
VICTORIA: Oh yes. Please, the Doctor...
PADMASAMBHAVA: (Holding up one hand.) One moment child.
VICTORIA: But...
PADMASAMBHAVA: Shh.
(PADMASAMBHAVA stares straight ahead, but in his mind can see the courtyard.)
VICTORIA: What is it?
PADMASAMBHAVA: The courtyard is empty.
VICTORIA: Courtyard?
PADMASAMBHAVA: I must do what I am compelled to do.
(Reaching out over the model landscape, he picks up a miniature Yeti.)
VICTORIA: What's that?
PADMASAMBHAVA: Come closer.
(He holds it up in the air and VICTORIA looks at it.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: Look. See.
(With a mixture of amazement and horror VICTORIA recognises it for what it is.)
VICTORIA: It's one of those horrible creatures, a Yeti.
PADMASAMBHAVA: Indeed. But you have not seen it.
(He puts VICTORIA into a trance and places the Yeti model plus two others right inside the monastery.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. MOUNTAINSIDE
(Out on the mountainside, three Yeti lumber off in obedience, down the mountain.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. CELL
(Back in the crowded little cell, JAMIE's wondering why Victoria ran off from the monks.)
JAMIE: She must have had some reason, I mean why would she run off like that?
THOMNI: Her motives were not clear to me, Mr Jamie.
JAMIE: Oh headstrong, that's what she is.
(With a yell, TRAVERS regains consciousness.)
TRAVERS: No... no... no!
DOCTOR: All right, Travers, you're quite safe.
TRAVERS: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Yes.
TRAVERS: What happened? Oh, my head.
DOCTOR: Just relax, you're safe, in the monastery.
TRAVERS: Monastery?
DOCTOR: What happened? Where did you go to?
JAMIE: Was it the Yeti?
TRAVERS: No, no, not the Yeti. It was a... something else, it was a light. A blinding... white light and a noise... a piercing noise that went right through my head... I couldn't stand it... then I... I can't remember anymore.
THOMNI: You spoke of a pyramid.
TRAVERS: Pyramid?
THOMNI: Yes, at the gates when you returned.
TRAVERS: Pyramid? No, no. I left the monastery, then um... then... It's no use, my mind's a complete blank.
DOCTOR: You just rest.
TRAVERS: Ah!
DOCTOR: What is it?
TRAVERS: No!
THOMNI: We are taught that it is better to share a memory of fear.
TRAVERS: Evil. A feeling of evil. Like um... shadow on my mind.
DOCTOR: Yes.
TRAVERS: I felt as though I was going to drown.
JAMIE: But where did this happen?
TRAVERS: I... I don't know, I can't remember. Oh, I'm tired, so tired.
DOCTOR: You just rest, you'll feel better. Poor fellow he's completely exhausted.
(TRAVERS, exhausted, falls into a deep sleep.)
JAMIE: What does he mean a shadow...?
DOCTOR: Wait. We'll just let him sleep.
THOMNI: What could it be, this evil of which he speaks?
(A rumbling sound rocks into the cell.)
JAMIE: What was that?
(The Doctor starts fiddling again with his signal measuring device.)
SCREAMS: The Yeti! The Yeti!
(JAMIE rushes out of the cell and runs straight into KHRISONG and RINCHEN.)
JAMIE: Khrisong, what's happening?
KHRISONG: The yeti have broken in! You are safe here.
(KHRISONG rushes off leaving JAMIE with RINCHEN.)
JAMIE: But Victoria, where is she?
RINCHEN: Who can tell? But she will be found. She must be stopped.
(RINCHEN rushes off.)
JAMIE: Doctor, is there nothing we can do?
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. HALL
(KHRISONG rushes into the Hall.)
SONGSTEN: Khrisong
KHRISONG: Forgive me, Songsten, I have failed to defend the monastery.
SONGSTEN: Failed? No. This disaster was written. Man cannot alter his destiny.
KHRISONG: I should have obeyed you, my Abbot. My desire to fight these creatures was foolish, but I will defend you with my life.
(SAPAN comes rushing into the Hall.)
SAPAN: Abbot, I fear for Rinchen's safety.
SONGSTEN: Is he not here?
SAPAN: No. He would not seek safety. He is so sure that the girl is responsible.
KHRISONG: He is still searching for her?
SAPAN: Yes.
SONGSTEN: Find her!
KHRISONG: If it is not too late.
RALPACHAN: The Yeti! They are turning back.
KHRISONG: Then you are safe for the moment. Ralpachan, come with me.
(The two Warrior Monks rush over to see if it is true that the Yeti are leaving.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. COURTYARD
(RINCHEN is screaming out in the courtyard for VICTORIA to call off the monster Yetis.)
RINCHEN: Stop! Stop! She-devil, wherever you are, call off these monsters. Spare us!
(But the cries have drawn one of the remaining Yeti to him. Turning around he sees it with one giant claw raised.)
RINCHEN: Oh, no. Oh, no. Aaahhh!
(The MONK dies as the CLAW slashes down. The YETI walks off as KHRISONG and RALPACHAN burst in, responding to RINCHEN's screams.)
KHRISONG: He's dead.
RALPACHAN: The monastery of Detsen is accursed.
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. MOUNTAINSIDE
(With their work completed, the Yeti depart and head back to the mountains.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. INNER SANCTUM
(PADMASAMBHAVA muses over the recent attack.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: Now it is complete. Now the monks will leave. By nightfall the monastery will be emptied, the mountain yours. Will this then be your final command? Will you then be content?
(PADMASAMBHAVA hears the silent answer.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: I do not understand, but I will continue to serve.
(He turns to VICTORIA who is still standing in her trance.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: And now we must consider the problem of you and your friends. The Doctor is not easily frightened, like my poor monks. Therefore my child you will assist me. Together we will make sure that he leaves. Come closer. This is what you will do.
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. CELL
(THOMNI has now got a map of the Monastery and JAMIE has now got the DOCTOR's device.)
THOMNI: (Pointing to the map.) This is the courtyard and we are here, to the south.
DOCTOR: I see Thomni, so here lies north. What are those readings again, Jamie? Jamie, the readings?
(JAMIE was staring into space.)
JAMIE: What? What?
DOCTOR: The readings?
JAMIE: I'm sorry, I was thinking of Victoria.
DOCTOR: Yes I know, but there is nothing we can do about her.
(JAMIE checks the device.)
JAMIE: Two ninety-seven, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Two ninety-seven. Now that will give us a bearing roughly there.
(He marks the bearing on the map.)
THOMNI: Does your science help us, Doctor?
DOCTOR: No! We want another bearing, say, from there. And where those two cross, that'll be where the transmissions are coming from. But that won't tell us why.
THOMNI: Why?
DOCTOR: Yes, what is the purpose behind all this. That's what we have to find out, eh Jamie?
JAMIE: Umm
(TRAVERS wakes up and spots the DOCTOR.)
TRAVERS: Doctor?
DOCTOR: Are you feeling better?
TRAVERS: Better? What are we doing in here? What's happened?
DOCTOR: You had a spot of trouble on the mountain.
TRAVERS: Trouble?
JAMIE: Aye, with the Yeti no doubt.
TRAVERS: Funny, I don't remember. Sorry, I'm a bit confused.
JAMIE: Well you sounded it, with all that talk about...
DOCTOR: Yes, I'm... I'm sure it'll all come back to you in time.
TRAVERS: (Rubs his head.) Yes, with the headache I've got, no wonder I can't remember anything. I think I'll get a bit of fresh air.
(He moves to the cell door and tries to open it but it doesn't open.)
TRAVERS: Why is this door locked?
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. COURTYARD
(The monks gather about their fallen brother.)
SONGSTEN: Do not blame yourself, Khrisong, death is inevitable. Sambhutar, Ghentan, take up our brother. We will take him with us on our journey. There will be a time to mourn our brother.
KHRISONG: Put to the test I ran and hid like a mountain rabbit. I'm not fit to be called a warrior. We must lead out our brothers before more of them are destroyed.
SONGSTEN: Gather what is needed, my brothers. Soon it will be the hour for meditation, then we must depart.
KHRISONG: What of the strangers, master Abbott?
SONGSTEN: They will be taken with us to a place of safety.
SAPAN: But the girl is lost.
SONGSTEN: Khrisong and his warriors will find her.
KHRISONG: And the Master? What of Padmasambhava?
SONGSTEN: His powers are great, he will remain.
(VICTORIA arrives, in a trance, carrying the holy ghanta.)
SONGSTEN: The holy ghanta.
KHRISONG: Child, how came you...?
(SAPAN realises where she had been to get the ghanta.)
SAPAN: Shh! She has entered the Sanctum.
KHRISONG: Then let me...
SONGSTEN: Silence. See she is about to speak.
(From her lips the voice of PADMASAMBHAVA speaks.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: This is a time of much danger.
SONGSTEN: Padmasambhava
PADMASAMBHAVA: I have chosen to speak to you myself through the lips of this maiden. She bears the holy ghanta. Bear it away to safe keeping. Treat this child with kindness. She and the strangers are innocent of any malice towards you. Their wish is but to help you against the Yeti. But in my wisdom I tell you there is no help. Detsen must be abandoned. When the wind destroys the nest, so the bird will build another.
SONGSTEN: But what of you Master.
PADMASAMBHAVA: Go, with my blessing.
SONGSTEN: But Master.
PADMASAMBHAVA: Do not question. I will remain here to the end.
(PADMASAMBHAVA's will leaves VICTORIA.)
SAPAN: Will a day come for our return to Detsen?
SONGSTEN: (Takes command.) Take her to rest. Ralpachan, release the strangers. Bid them make ready.
(A gong sounds.)
SONGSTEN: It is time for prayer. The last time at Detsen. Come, my brothers.
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. CELL
(RALPACHAN unlocks the cell door.)
RALPACHAN: You are released.
TRAVERS: I should jolly well think so! What the devil do you think you're up to!
RALPACHAN: You must prepare to leave with us.
TRAVERS: I shall have a short few words to say to the Abbot before I go anywhere.
JAMIE: Never mind about that! Have you found Victoria yet?
RALPACHAN: She is safe. Khrisong is with her.
JAMIE: (Very pleased.) Ah good.
(KHRISONG brings the lady in question.)
KHRISONG: Are you recovered? Child?
JAMIE: There you are, I've been worried sick. Where have you been? Victoria? What have you done to her? Doctor! Doctor, I think she's ill!
DOCTOR: Let me see.
(The second the DOCTOR speaks, VICTORIA responds.)
VICTORIA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Yes, Victoria.
VICTORIA: There is great danger. You must take me away! Take me away! Take me away!
DOCTOR: Yes, yes of course.
JAMIE: Victoria, what's happened? Tell us? What's the matter with her? Victoria, it's me, Jamie.
(VICTORIA says nothing and looks straight again.)
DOCTOR: How long has she been like this?
(VICTORIA speaks up again, this time a little bit louder and frantic.)
VICTORIA: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Yes, Victoria.
VICTORIA: There is great danger. You must take me away! Take me away! Take me away!
(KHRISONG works out what all this means.)
KHRISONG: The child is still in a state of trance.
DOCTOR: Still! What do you mean?
KHRISONG: She spoke to us with the voice of the Master.
THOMNI: Then she did reach the holy sanctum.
JAMIE: What are you talking about?
THOMNI: She was certain that Padmasambhava would recognise the Doctor.
JAMIE: (Puzzled.) Recognise the Doctor?
THOMNI: Yes he has been here before.
DOCTOR: But that was three hundred years ago. It's the same man!
RALPACHAN: Khrisong, the Abbot Songsten wishes us to join our brothers in prayer.
KHRISONG: Very well. (Turning to the strangers.) You will prepare to leave. Get Mr Travers ready.
RALPACHAN: He is in the courtyard.
KHRISONG: Come, Thomni, to prayer.
(Both MONKS pause by the door.)
THOMNI: Khrisong, will you forgive me?
KHRISONG: We have both of us strayed from the path of obedience.
DOCTOR: Jamie, there is something I have to do.
JAMIE: Right. Hey why are we whispering?
DOCTOR: It's my voice. She reacts to my voice.
JAMIE: (Understanding.) Oh it's that hypnotism thing. Can you not do anything about it?
DOCTOR: Yes I can, but I need more information. Now, you wait here.
JAMIE: Where are you going?
DOCTOR: I'm going to see a very old friend.
(JAMIE sighs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. INNER SANCTUM
(PADMASAMBHAVA is trapped in an argument with the Intelligence.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: Oh Intelligence. You promised to release me, yet still I feel your grasp upon this frail body. Why? What is happening? This was not your plan. But if you continue to expand.
(He realises what the Intelligence plan really is.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: I have brought the world to its end.
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. CAVE
(In the mountain cave the ooze gushing from the pyramid spreads further and further.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. INNER SANCTUM
(PADMASAMBHAVA spots the DOCTOR watching him from the doorway.)
PADMASAMBHAVA: Come in, Doctor. Good to look upon your face again? So many years...
DOCTOR: (Amazed.) Padmasambhava, so it's true.
PADMASAMBHAVA: I have been kept alive so many years, but now our time left is very very short. Listen carefully, perhaps you can...
DOCTOR: Kept alive? I don't understand.
PADMASAMBHAVA: I didn't know, I didn't realise...
DOCTOR: What? Try to tell me.
PADMASAMBHAVA: Intelligence... formless in space... I astral travelled...
DOCTOR: I see, you've made mental contact with this intelligence.
PADMASAMBHAVA: It used my mind... it controls my body...
DOCTOR: But why?
PADMASAMBHAVA: Experiment... Wished material form. Ah yes, it said... I believed... experiment... but now... help... you must help me.
DOCTOR: Yes, of course I will help you. But first you must tell me things. Why are the monks been driven away? What is the purpose of these robots, the Yeti? Where is their control? Padmasambhava? Padmasambhava?
(PADMASAMBHAVA'S body has gone limp, apparently dead. Sadly, the Doctor leaves the Inner Sanctum, not seeing PADMASAMBHAVA's body jerk back into life, its eyes glaring with the malevolence of the Great Intelligence as it once more regains control.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. CELL
(The DOCTOR joins his companions back in their old cell. VICTORIA is motionless. JAMIE is watching her with concern.)
JAMIE: I wish there was something I could do.
(JAMIE picks up a stool and throws it to the ground, just behind VICTORIA, with a loud crash. She does not react. The DOCTOR rushes over.)
DOCTOR: What on earth was that?
JAMIE: Oh, it was just an idea.
(However the DOCTOR's voice again triggers off VICTORIA.)
VICTORIA: Doctor! There is great danger. You must take me away! Take me away! Take me away!
JAMIE: You've got to do something. Did you find out what you wanted to know?
DOCTOR: Not about Victoria, no. But I found some very interesting clues as to what's been happening.
(As usual, JAMIE natural concern for VICTORIA causes him to snap at the DOCTOR.)
JAMIE: Oh, never mind about that! It's Victoria you ought to be worrying about.
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, you're quite right. Victoria must come first. Trouble is I really need more information. However, I'll just have to take a chance. It may just be simple post hypnotic suggestion. On the other hand...
JAMIE: Yes.
DOCTOR: It may be something worse.
JAMIE: What if it is?
DOCTOR: Well let's just hope it isn't. Victoria.
(VICTORIA, like a tape recorder, switched on again with the usual three sentences.)
VICTORIA: Doctor! There is great danger. You must take me away!
DOCTOR: Yes, Victoria.
VICTORIA: Take me away!
(The DOCTOR now tries to snap VICTORIA out of her trance.)
DOCTOR: Listen to me. You've been taken away. You're no longer in the monastery. You're safe in the TARDIS. Now do you understand. You're safe... in the TARDIS. Yes. Look at me. Look at my eyes. You're feeling tired, very sleepy. Drift away, let yourself drift away into sleep. Deeper... deeper... sleep... sleep... sleep... sleep.
(JAMIE's head droops as he falls off to sleep along with VICTORIA. The DOCTOR spots this.)
DOCTOR: Oh, not you Jamie!
JAMIE: (Snaps back to alertness.) Aye, what?
DOCTOR: So far so good.
JAMIE: Hey. I never knew you could do that sort of thing.
DOCTOR: No, neither did the person who hypnotised Victoria.
JAMIE: What now?
DOCTOR: Well, I'm tempted to ask her what happened, but I don't think I dare probe too deeply. The important thing is to get rid of this implanted fear. It's growing every minute.
JAMIE: What if you can't?
DOCTOR: We shall just have to do as she asks and take her away. If we don't...
JAMIE: Yes.
DOCTOR: She'll go out of her mind.
JAMIE: What?
DOCTOR: Well, that's the object of the exercise, to get us away from the monastery. But I'm not beaten that easily.
JAMIE: Hey, you're taking an awful risk!
DOCTOR: I know what I'm doing, Jamie.
(He turns back to VICTORIA.)
DOCTOR: Victoria. Now, Victoria, you can hear my voice, can't you?
VICTORIA: (Softly.) Yes.
DOCTOR: Oh, good. Now I'm going to take you a little way back in the past, Victoria. You are in the cell with Thomni. Do you understand?
VICTORIA: Yes.
DOCTOR: Good. Now you're going to forget everything after that. You went to sleep. Is that clear?
VICTORIA: Umm.
DOCTOR: Good. Jamie and I have come back to the monastery and you are in the meeting room with us. You're feeling happy, but a little tired. Do you understand?
VICTORIA: Yes.
DOCTOR: Good. Now when I count three, you're going to wake up. One... two... three.
(VICTORIA's head jumps up again and VICTORIA returns to her normal self.)
VICTORIA: Oh, ooh. Ooh dear, I must have dropped off.
DOCTOR: (Pleased.) Yes, I believe you did. I've got work to do.
(He leaves and VICTORIA spots JAMIE grinning in relief at her.)
VICTORIA: What are you grinning at?
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. GATES
(His work done with VICTORIA, the DOCTOR goes off towards the gates and meets up with TRAVERS.)
DOCTOR: Travers! Travers!
TRAVERS: Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR: How are you feeling?
TRAVERS: Oh, much better thanks. Look, I've been taking a look up the mountain. Those robots are still there. They're just standing, not moving. I don't like it!
DOCTOR: Yes, I think things are coming to a head.
TRAVERS: What are they up to? What are they waiting for?
DOCTOR: Instructions! Travers, can you remember any more of what happened to you on the mountain?
TRAVERS: I'm afraid not, my mind's a complete blank.
DOCTOR: Are you prepared to risk it again?
TRAVERS: I thought we're supposed to clear out.
DOCTOR: Yes well, the monks are, but I want to get back up the mountain. One more bearing and I shall know where the control centre is.
TRAVERS: I see, you want me to help you.
DOCTOR: Yes, if you will.
TRAVERS: What about your young friends?
DOCTOR: Well they're leaving with the monks, but I want to get out of here before anyone sees us. Will you help?
TRAVERS: All right, I'm on.
DOCTOR: Oh, good, come on.
(They both move off.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. MOUNTAINSIDE
(They move up the mountain towards three immobile Yeti, stopping just short of them.)
DOCTOR: What's the matter?
TRAVERS: I don't know. I've got a feeling I've done this before. Now, what do you want me to do?
DOCTOR: I want you to stay here and take some readings. Those Yeti are not transmitting. I'm going over there to stir things up a bit.
TRAVERS: I don't understand that thing, you'd better let me go.
DOCTOR: Oh no, it's far too dangerous. I can't ask you to take that sort of risk.
TRAVERS: Rot, I can take care of myself. Now, wish me luck.
DOCTOR: (Reading the instruments.) No wait!
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. CAVE
(The Intelligence has grown to already cover the tunnel floor, and is expanding faster and faster.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. MOUNTAINSIDE
(The DOCTOR is still checking the instruments.)
DOCTOR: That's odd.
TRAVERS: You got your readings? Because if you've got the reading...
DOCTOR: Yes.
(The DOCTOR looks very worried.)
TRAVERS: What's up?
(The DOCTOR is too worried to answer.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. COURTYARD
(All of the Monks are ready to leave.)
KHRISONG: Is there any sign?
RALPACHAN: No, every room is empty.
THOMNI: Mr. Travers and the Doctor are nowhere to be found.
KHRISONG: It's as you wished. The monastery is deserted.
SONGSTEN: This is well. I will ask a final blessing of our Master, Padmasambhava, then we will depart.
(This triggers something off in VICTORIA.)
VICTORIA: Padmasambhava.
JAMIE: Try not to think about it.
VICTORIA: I.. I..
(The DOCTOR and TRAVERS arrive back at the gates.)
JAMIE: Doctor!
VICTORIA: I think.
DOCTOR: Khrisong, I have found the control.
KHRISONG: It is too late, Doctor, I can no longer help you.
DOCTOR: But you don't understand! It's here! In the monastery.
TRAVERS: What? That's impossible!
SAPAN: But the monastery is empty, we are all here.
DOCTOR: Are we? Are we all here?
THOMNI [or KHRISONG ?]: The Master!
SAPAN: Songsten is with him!
KHRISONG: Then he is in great danger! Stay where you are. All of you.
(KHRISONG rushes off. TRAVERS is suddenly able to remember everything that happened to him.)
TRAVERS: I remember. Songsten, the Yeti, on the mountain. Yes, yes, it's all coming back to me.
JAMIE: Tell us.
TRAVERS: There was this cave...
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. CAVE
(And in that cave, the Intelligence has grown to cover the entire floor, and is expanding faster and faster...) | Plan: A: Victoria; Q: Who falls under the mental influence of Padmasambhva? A: the monks; Q: Who does the Yeti attack to drive from the area? Summary: Victoria falls under the mental influence of Padmasambhva as the Yeti attack in order to drive the monks from the area. |
With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is confronting her boss, Terry.]
Rachel: Terry, I, I, I know that I haven't worked here very long, but I was wondering, do you think it would be possible if I got a $100 advance in my salary?
Terry: An advance?
Rachel: It's so that I can spend Thanksgiving with my family. See, every year we go skiing in Vail, and normally my father pays for my ticket, but I sort of started the whole independence thing, you know, which is actually why I took this job.
Terry: Rachel, Rachel, sweetheart. You're a terrible, terrible waitress. Really, really awful.
Rachel: Ok, I, I hear what you're sayin'. I'm with you. Um, but I, but I'm trying really hard. And I think I'm doing better. I really do. Does anybody need coffee? (everyone in the place raises their hand) Oh, look at that.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is approaching a customer.]
Rachel: Excuse me, sir. Hi, you come in here all time. I was just wondering, do you think there's a possibility that you could give me an advance on my tips?
Guy: Huh?
Rachel: Ok, ok, that's fine. Fine. Hey, I'm sorry about that spill before. (picks up the tip he leaves) Only $98.50 to go.
(Monica enters.)
Monica: Hey. Ross, did you know Mom and Dad are going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving?
Ross: No, they're not.
Monica: Yes, they are. The Blymens invited them.
Ross: You're wrong.
Monica: I am not wrong.
Ross: You're wrong.
Monica: No, I just talked to them.
Ross: (getting up, upset) I'm calling Mom.
(Joey enters. His face looks abnormally colorful.)
Joey: Hey, hey.
Chandler: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey.
Chandler: And this from the cry-for-help department. Are you wearing makeup?
Joey: Yes, I am. As of today, I am officially Joey Tribbiani, actor slash model.
Chandler: That's so funny, 'cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.
Phoebe: What were you modeling for?
Joey: You know those posters for the city free clinic?
Monica: Oh, wow, so you're gonna be one of those "healthy, healthy, healthy guys"?
Phoebe: You know, the asthma guy was really cute.
Chandler: Do you know which one you're gonna be?
Joey: No, but I hear lyme disease is open, so... (crosses fingers)
Chandler: Good luck, man. I hope you get it.
Joey: Thanks.
(Ross comes back to the couch.)
Ross: (to Monica) Well, you were right. How can they do this to us, huh? It's Thanksgiving.
Monica: Ok, I'll tell you what. How about I cook dinner at my place? I'll make it just like Mom's.
Ross: Will you make the mashed potatoes with the lumps?
Monica: You know, they're not actually supposed to have... (Ross looks at her sheepishly) I'll work on the lumps. Joey, you're going home, right?
Joey: Yeah.
Monica: And I assume, Chandler, you are still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Chandler: Yes, every single one of them.
Monica: Phoebe, you're gonna be with your grandma?
Phoebe: Yes, and her boyfriend. But we're celebrating Thanksgiving in December 'cause he is lunar.
Monica: So you're free Thursday, then.
Phoebe: Yeah. Oh, can I come?
Monica: Yeah. Rach, are you thinking you're gonna make it to Vail?
Rachel: Absolutely. Shoop, shoop, shoop. Only a hundred and two dollars to go.
Chandler: I thought it was $98.50.
Rachel: Yeah, well it was. I, I broke a cup.
Ross: Well, I'm off to Carol's.
Phoebe: Ooh, ooh! Why don't we invite her?
Ross: (mimicking) Ooh, ooh. Because she's my ex-wife, and will probably want to bring her, ooh, ooh, lesbian life partner.
[Scene: Carol and Susan's apartment, Susan is there. Ross enters.]
Ross: Hi, is uh, is Carol here?
Susan: No, she's at a faculty meeting.
Ross: Oh, I uh, just came by to pick up my skull. Well, not mine, but...Susan: Come in.
Ross: Thanks. Yeah, Carol borrowed it for a class, and I have to get it back to the museum.
Susan: What's it look like?
Ross: Kinda like a big face without skin.
Susan: Yes, I'm familiar with the concept. We can just look for it.
Ross: Ok. (browsing the apartment) Wow, you guys sure have a lot of books about bein' a lesbian.
Susan: Well, you know, you have to take a course. Otherwise, they don't let you do it.
Ross: (picking up a book) Hey, hey, Yertle the Turtle. A classic.
Susan: Actually, I'm reading it to the baby.
Ross: The uh, the baby that hasn't been born yet? Wouldn't that mean you're... crazy?
Susan: What, you don't think they can hear sounds in there?
Ross: You're not serious, I mean, you really... you really talk to it?
Susan: Yeah, all the time. I want the baby to know my voice.
Ross: Do you uh, do you talk about me?
Susan: Yeah, yeah, all the time.
Ross: Really?
Susan: But um, we just refer to you as Bobo the Sperm Guy.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Rachel.]
Ross: Look, if she's talking to it, I just think that I should get some belly time too. Not that I believe any of this.
Phoebe: Oh, I believe it. I think the baby can totally hear everything. I can show you. Look, this will seem a little weird, but you put your head inside this turkey, and then we'll all talk, and you'll hear everything we say.
Chandler: I'd just like to say that I'm totally behind this experiment. In fact, I'd very much like to butter your head.
(Rachel enters.)
Monica: Hey, Rach, did you make your money?
Rachel: No, not even close. Forget Vail, forget seeing my family, forget shoop, shoop, shoop.
Monica: Rach, here's your mail.
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica: (insistently) No, here's your mail.
Rachel: Thanks, you can just put it on the table.
Monica: (gives her an envelope) Would you just open it?
(Rachel opens it. Inside is the money she needed.)
Rachel: Oh my god, oh, you guys are great.
Monica: We all chipped in.
Joey: (to Monica) We did?
Monica: (to Joey) You owe me 20 bucks.
Rachel: Thank you. Thank you so much!
Monica: (hands Chandler a bag) Chandler, here you go, got your traditional Thanksgiving feast, you got your tomato soup, your grilled cheese fixin's, and your family size bag of Funyuns.
Rachel: Wait, wait, Chandler, this is what you're havin' for Thanksgiving dinner? What, what, what is it with you and this holiday?
Chandler: All right, I'm nine years old.
Ross: Oh, I hate this story.
Chandler: We just finished this magnificent Thanksgiving dinner. I have--and I remember this part vividly--a mouthful of pumpkin pie, and this is the moment my parents choose to tell me they're getting divorced.
Rachel: Oh my god.
Chandler: Yes. It's very difficult to appreciate a Thanksgiving dinner once you've seen it in reverse.
[Scene: The subway, Joey spots a gorgeous woman waiting. He goes up to her.]
Joey: Uh, hi. We uh, we used to work together.
Girl: We did?
Joey: Yeah, at Macy's. You were the Obsession girl, right? I was the Aramis guy. (pretends to spray cologne) Aramis? Aramis?
Girl: Yeah, right.
Joey: I gotta tell you. You're the best in the business.
Girl: Get out.
Joey: I'm serious. You're amazing. You know when to spritz, when to lay back.
Girl: Really? You don't know what that means to me.
Joey: Ooh, you smell great tonight. What're you wearing?
Girl: (provocatively) Nothing.
Joey: Listen, uh, you wanna go get a drink or something?
Girl: Yeah. (she gets up, notices something behind Joey) Oh.
Joey: What's wrong?
Girl: I just remembered, I have to do something.
Joey: Oh. What?
Girl: Um, leave.
Joey: Wait, wait, wait!
(Joey turns around and sees his face on a poster in the subway. The poster says: What Mario isn't telling you...V.D., you never know who might have it. A variety of scenes are shown with the poster displayed all over New York City.)
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey enters, amongst snickers from the gang.]
Joey: So I guess you all saw it.
Rachel: Saw what?
Phoebe: No, we were just laughing. You know, how laughter can be infectious.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey enters, upset.]
Joey: Set another place for Thanksgiving. My entire family thinks I have VD.
Chandler: Tonight, on a very special Blossom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is standing in the doorway, not wanting to participate in the festivities.]
Monica: Mmm, looking good. Ok, cider's mulling, turkey's turking, yams are yamming. (notices Ross is depressed) What?
Ross: I don't know. It's just not the same without Mom in the kitchen.
Monica: All right, that's it. You know what? Just get out of my way and stop moping.
Ross: That's closer.
(Rachel enters, excited.)
Rachel: I got the tickets! I got the tickets! Five hours from now, shoop, shoop, shoop.
Chandler: Oh, you must stop shooping.
Rachel: Ok, I'm gonna get my stuff.
Joey: Chandler, will you just come in already?
Chandler: No, I prefer to keep a safe distance from all this merriment.
(Phoebe takes a slice of pumpkin pie and waves it in front of Chandler's face.)
Phoebe: Look out, incoming pumpkin pie!
Chandler: Ok, we all laughed when you did it with the stuffing, but that's not funny anymore.
(Chandler leaves.)
Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don't see any tater tots.
Monica: That's not a question.
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It's like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It's bad enough I can't be with my family because of my disease.
Monica: All right, fine. Tonight's potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.
Ross: Ok, I'm off to talk to my unborn child.
(Ross grabs for some food, Monica slaps his hand away.)
Monica: Ah!
Ross: Ok, Mom never hit.
(Ross exits.)
Phoebe: (stirring pot) Ok, all done.
Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!
Phoebe: Oh, I'm sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.
Monica: Why would we do that?
Phoebe: Well, 'cause then they'd be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.
Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.
Rachel: Ok, good-bye you guys. Thanks for everything. (she starts to leave, and hits everyone with her skis) Oh, sorry! Oh, sorry!
(Chandler enters, running.)
Chandler: The most unbelievable thing has happened. Underdog has just gotten away.
Joey: The balloon?
Chandler: No, no, the actual cartoon character. Of course the balloon. It's all over the news. Right before he reached Macy's, he broke free and was spotted flying over Washington Square Park. I'm goin' to the roof, who's with me?
Rachel: I can't, I gotta go.
Chandler: Come on. An 80-foot inflatable dog let loose over the city. How often does that happen?
Phoebe: Almost never.
Monica: Got the keys? or Got the keys!
Rachel: Ok.
(Everyone leaves the apartment.)
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Ross is preparing to talk to her belly.]
Carol: Anytime you're ready.
Ross: Ok, ok, here we go. (he crouches down near her stomach) Ok, where am I talking to, here? I mean, uh, well, there is one way that seems to offer a certain acoustical advantage, but...
Carol: Just aim for the bump.
Ross: Ok, ok, ok, ok, here goes. You know, I, you know, can't do this. Uh, this is too weird. I feel stupid.
Carol: So don't do it, it's fine. You don't have to do it just because Susan does it.
Ross: (quickly talking) Hello, baby. Hello, hello.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the group is coming back from the roof.]
Rachel: I loved the moment when you first saw the giant dog shadow all over the park.
Phoebe: Yeah, but did they have to shoot him down? I mean, that was just mean.
Monica: Ok, right about now the turkey should be crispy on the outside, juicy on the inside. Why are we standing here?
Rachel: We're waiting for you to open the door. You got the keys.
Monica: No I don't.
Rachel: Yes, you do. When we left, you said, "got the keys."
Monica: No I didn't. I asked, "got the ke-eys?"
Rachel: No, no, no, you said, "got the keys".
Chandler: Do either of you have the keys?
Monica: (panicked) The oven is on.
Rachel: Oh, I gotta get my ticket!
Joey: Wait, wait, we have a copy of your key.
Monica: Well then get it, get it!
Joey: That tone will not make me go any faster.
Monica: (angry) Joey!
Joey: That one will.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Joey leaves to get the copy of the key.)
[Scene: Carol and Susan's, Carol is reading, Ross is talking to her stomach.]
Ross: And everyone's telling me, you gotta pick a major, you gotta pick a major. So, on a dare, I picked paleontology. And you have no idea what I'm saying, because, let's face it, you're a fetus. You're just happy you don't have gills anymore.
Carol: Look, you don't have to talk to it. You can sing to it if you want.
Ross: Oh, please. I am not singing to your stomach, ok?
(Susan enters.)
Susan: Hi, how's it goin?
Ross: Shh! (singing) Here we come, walkin' down the street, get the funniest looks from, everyone we meet. Hey, hey! (to Carol) Hey, uh, did you just feel that?
Carol: I did.
Ross: Does it always, uh--?
Carol: No, no that was the first.
Susan: Keep singing! Keep singing!
Ross: (singing) Hey, hey, you're my baby, and I can't wait to meet you. When you come out I'll buy you a bagel, and then we'll go to the zoo.
Susan: I felt it!
Ross: (singin) Hey, hey, I'm your daddy. I'm the one without any breasts.
[Scene: The Hallway, Joey has a tray full of keys, and is trying each one in the lock.]
Joey: Nope, not that one.
Monica: Can you go any faster with that?
Joey: Hey, I got one keyhole and about a zillion keys. You do the math.
Monica: Why do you guys have so many keys in there anyway?
Chandler: (sarcastic) For an emergency just like this.
Rachel: (grabs Chandler by the shirt) All right, listen, smirky. If it wasn't for you and your stupid balloon, I would be on a plane watching a woman do this (makes a gesture like a stewardess pointing out exits) right now. But I'm not.
Monica: I swear you said you had the keys.
Rachel: No, I didn't. I wouldn't say I had the keys unless I had the keys, and I obviously didn't have the keys.
Phoebe: Ooh, ok, that's it. Enough with the keys. No one say keys.
(Short pause.)
Monica: Why would I have the keys?
Rachel: Aside from the fact that you said you had them?
Monica: But I didn't.
Rachel: Well, you should have.
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Because!
Monica: Why?
Rachel: Because!
Monica: Why? Because everything is my responsibility? Isn't it enough that I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for everyone? You know, everyone wants a different kind of potatoes, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? Nooooo, no, no! (starting to cry) Just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots, and it's my first Thanksgiving, and it's all burned, and, and I... I...
Chandler: Ok, Monica, only dogs can hear you now, so, look, the door's open. Here we go.
(They walk in. Smoke fills the apartment.)
Monica: Well, the turkey's burnt. (checking pots) Potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined, potatoes are ruined.
(Ross enters, singing.)
Ross: Here we come, walkin' down the-this doesn't smell like Mom's.
Monica: No, it doesn't, does it? But you wanted lumps, Ross? (picks up the pan of badly burnt potatoes) Well, here you go, buddy, ya got one.
Rachel: Oh, god, this is great! The plane is gone, so it looks like I'm stuck here with you guys.
Joey: Hey, we all had better plans. This was nobody's first choice.
Monica: Oh, really? So why was I busting my ass to make this delicious Thanksgiving dinner?
Joey: You call that delicious?
(all shouting)
Monica: Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Chandler: Now this feels like Thanksgiving.
[Time lapse. Everyone is upset with each other. Phoebe is at the window.]
Phoebe: Ooh.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: Ugly Naked Guy's taking his turkey out of the oven. Oh my god. He's not alone. Ugly Naked Guy's having Thanksgiving dinner with Ugly Naked Gal.
(They all run to the window.)
Joey: I've gotta see this. All right Ugly Naked Guy!
Monica: Ooh, Ugly Naked Dancing!
Phoebe: It's nice that he has someone.
[Time lapse. The gang is around the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches.]
Chandler: Shall I carve?
Rachel: By all means.
Chandler: Ok, who wants light cheese, and who wants dark cheese?
Ross: I don't even wanna know about the dark cheese.
Monica: (holding sandwich) Does anybody wanna split this with me?
Joey: Oh, I will.
Phoebe: Ooh, you guys have to make a wish.
Monica: Make a wish?
Phoebe: Come on, you know, Thanksgiving. Ooh, you got the bigger half. What'd you wish for?
Joey: The bigger half.
Chandler: I'd like to propose a toast. Little toast here, ding ding. I know this isn't the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you all planned, but for me, this has been really great, you know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, if you'd gone to Vail, and if you guys'd been with your family, if you didn't have syphilis and stuff, we wouldn't be all together, you know? So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
All: That's so sweet.
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
Rachel: And a crappy New Year.
Chandler: Here, here!
Closing Credits
[Scene: The Subway, Joey sees his poster and he peels off the caption on his poster, revealing more posters underneath. The captions read, as follows:
Bladder Control Problem Stop Wife Beating Hemorrhoids? Winner of 3 Tony Awards...
He's finally happy with that and walks away.] | Plan: A: Ross; Q: Who wants equal "belly time" after learning that Susan regularly talks to her unborn baby? A: Monica; Q: Who plans a quiet Thanksgiving feast at her apartment? A: a quiet Thanksgiving feast; Q: What does Monica plan to do when Ross's parents are away? A: Phoebe; Q: Who joins Monica and Ross for Thanksgiving? A: December; Q: When does Phoebe celebrate Thanksgiving with her grandmother? A: Joey; Q: Who's family has banned him from Thanksgiving because of his STD? A: a public health poster; Q: What did Joey pose for? A: Chandler; Q: Who always boycotts Thanksgiving because his parents announced their divorce on that holiday when he was a child? A: the 'Underdog' balloon; Q: What balloon breaks free during the parade? A: the roof; Q: Where do the characters rush to when the balloon breaks during the parade? A: Monica's apartment; Q: Where did everyone get locked out of after the balloon broke free? A: Rachel; Q: Who missed her flight to Vail? A: a skiing trip; Q: What was Rachel supposed to be going on with her family? A: grilled cheese sandwiches; Q: What does Monica make for everyone after the dinner is burned? Summary: Ross wants equal "belly time" after learning that Susan regularly talks to his unborn baby. Monica plans a quiet Thanksgiving feast at her apartment when her and Ross's parents are away. Plans soon go awry: Phoebe joins them because she celebrates Thanksgiving in December with her grandmother. Joey, who posed for a public health poster, also arrives because his family has banned him, believing he has an STD. Chandler also attends, despite always boycotts Thanksgiving because his parents announced their divorce on that holiday when he was a child. When it is reported that the 'Underdog' balloon has broken free during the parade, everyone rushes to the roof to watch, then get locked out of Monica's apartment. By the time they get back in, the dinner is burned. Rachel, who was about to leave for a skiing trip in Vail with her family, has missed her flight. Monica makes grilled cheese sandwiches for everyone. |
[A bar]
(Stefan is walking towards a bar. He enters. A woman is there, alone)
Woman: Hey, man. Last call was 4 hours ago. If you want some coffee, I could put some on
(He rushes towards her and bites her)
Stefan: Run. Run!
(She runs. He goes after her and goes out of the bar but burns in the sunlight)
[Salvatore's House]
(Elena wakes up with a jolt. Damon is lying next to her)
Damon: Unnn. You must have restless sleep syndrome or something. It's like sleeping with a tornado. Hey. We were up all night. You're exhausted. Come back to sleep
Elena: I had a dream about Stefan
Damon: Oh
Elena: It was more than just a pit in my stomach this time, though. It was real. It was like I was there with him
Damon: I know I said it didn't bother me that you have some psychic connection to your ex-boyfriend, but I don't need a play-by-play, Elena
Elena: You're right. It's weird. Sorry
Damon: Fine. Tell me. I'm sure whatever's in my imagination is 10 times worse than what's going on in your subconscious
Elena: It was just so vivid. It had a red awning and this broken neon sign, and he was screaming in pain
Damon: Well, should I go check in the attic, see if there's a crystal ball? Maybe you can conjure up an address
(Katherine enters)
Katherine: Route 29. Joe's Bar. I think I had the exact same dream
(Damon and Elena are looking at a map)
Damon: So I've found 9 bars along Route 29, and none of them are called Joe's
Elena: I had a feeling there was something wrong all summer, and I ignored it, but I was right. Stefan was in a safe. Probably killed whoever it was that found him. I know it sounds crazy that I'm following some psychic dream, but it's the only lead that we have
Damon: It doesn't sound crazy. It is crazy, but I'm open-minded
Katherine: Shotgun! What? I get carsick in the back seat. Another charming human side effect you stuck me with
Elena: Please tell me that she's not coming
Damon: Trust me, I have no interest in Katherine's well-being, but for some reason, Silas wants her real bad, and if Silas wants her, I want her more
Elena: Can't we just stash her in the cellar or maybe a deep, dark well with a pair of water wings?
Katherine: Do you really think that I want to take a road trip with you, America's most boring, self-righteous vampire? Just remember, Damon wouldn't have to play bodyguard if you hadn't shoved that cure down my throat
Elena: You were trying to kill me
Katherine: I will admit, though, I take great pleasure knowing that you wasted your one shot at a human life on me
Damon: All right. Play nice, or I'm gonna revisit the deep, dark well idea
Katherine: I want to find Stefan just as much as you do and not just because I don't want to be a pawn that you can trade off for his life. I care about him. I always have, and since we've been having the same dream, makes me think that you care about him just as much
Damon: Ok. Train's leaving the station. Choo-choo
[A Car]
(Silas is on the phone)
Silas: You ever play the "what if" game? When you're calcified for 2,000 years, you learn to entertain yourself with these little brain teasers
Nadia: Look, Silas. This phone is prepaid, and I don't have a lot of minutes
Silas: Oh, no, no, no. It's really easy. I'll go first. You know how much I hate travelers, so to prove your allegiance to me, you killed your traveler friend Gregor, but what if it as all an act? What if he's still alive?
Nadia: You saw him bleed out. You buried his body yourself.
Silas: But what if Matt's tacky ring brought him back to life?
Nadia: If this is the game, it's boring
Silas: If we're gonna work together, I need to know that you're on my side, so find out if Matt Donovan's still alive and kill him
Nadia: what if he could help us to find Katherine Pierce? She's still your priority, is she not?
Silas: yes, she is. So get the information that you need, rip that ring off Matt's little finger, and make sure he doesn't cheat death again
Silas: I'll take care of it
[A cabin]
(Stefan wakes up. A woman is there)
Stefan: I don't want to hurt you, so get away from me, before I rip your throat out
Tessa: Hello to you, too. I brought dinner. A vampire doppelganger who's burdened by a conscience. Now I've seen everything
Stefan: You saved me from burning to death outside that bar this morning, didn't you?
Tessa: And I pulled you from the quarry before that. That is, I figured out where you were and told the former owner of this cabin to pull your lock box from the water. You thanked him by biting off his head
Stefan: How do you know I'm a doppelganger?
Tessa: Because I've seen your face before on someone who wasn't you
Stefan: Who are you?
Tessa: How much do you know about Silas?
Stefan: I know that he's a bloodthirsty immortal who's killed more people than I can count, and that was before he stole my identity, locked me up in a safe, and dropped me in the bottom of a quarry
Tessa: You made it through
Stefan: Barely. I came very close to flipping off my humanity switch, but I didn't because I knew if I ever got out I wanted to be myself when I killed him
Tessa: Strong words
Stefan: He's a monster, and I'm going after him
Tessa: Except you'll burn to death in the sun without your daylight ring.Silas wasn't always a monster. He used to be a simple man in love with a simple girl, his soul mate. She was his one true love. You know how that goes. They thought their love would last forever
Stefan: How do you know all this?
Tessa: Because I was there in his arms
Stefan: You're telling me that you were Silas's one true love
Tessa: I would have done anything for him
Stefan: That's impossible. How are you here right now?
Tessa: Love bends the rules of possible. Silas and I were the two most powerful members of a gifted people called Travelers. When we were engaged to be married, we decided to reach even further
Ancient Greece. 2000 years ago
(Silas and Qetsiyah are together)
Silas: I don't ever want to be parted from you, even by death
Nowadays
[A Cabin]
Tessa: We wanted to find a way for our love to last forever
Stefan: Yeah, look. I know the story. Everything was great for Silas until some witch named Qetsiyah or whatever came by and screwed him over, right?
Tessa: Wrong. You don't know the story. Silas convinced Qetsiyah that he loved her so she would make the immortality spell, but when she found out that he was just using her, she dumped in a tomb with a cure, hoping he would take it and die because she had created a supernatural limbo to trap his soul
Stefan: Like any other sane, rational, well-adjusted woman would do
Tessa: Which catches us up to today. Now Silas wants to destroy that supernatural limbo. Once the other side is gone, he can take the cure,become mortal, and die, and finally pass on and find peace
Stefan: Look. If you really are Silas' one true love and you're not dead, then why don't you just do us all a favor and run off into the sunset together?
Tessa: Silas was my true love. I never said that I was his. I'm Qetsiyah, that sane, rational, well-adjusted woman you seem to know so much about. Clearly you've heard the man's version of the story, the one where I'm a back-stabbing lunatic who ruined everything for Silas, a raging bitch witch whose obsession with vengeance created a whole new dimension of suffering in the afterlife
Stefan: What are you doing here? I thought you were dead and on the other side
Tessa: I was for 2,000 years, but I came back... For you
[Damon's car]
Damon: You sure you know what you're looking for? Last bar had a red awning and a neon sign
Elena: I'll know when I see it
Katherine: Me, too
Damon: Didn't ask you
Katherine: I'm just trying to make conversation. Anything to drown out the sound of eggshells breaking. So, Elena, I couldn't help but overhear. You've been dreaming about Stefan all summer? That must be really stressful on a new relationship, especially when you're having those kinds of dreams lying in bed next to his brother
Elena: They weren't dreams. It was just a bad feeling, like something wasn't right with him
Katherine: Oh, no. Yeah, sure. I totally get it. There's still a connection between you two. Maybe deep down you know that he was your one true love and breaking up with him was a big mistake
Damon: Ignore her. As soon as the vervain's out of her system, we'll compel her, and we'll put her on mute
Katherine: Or maybe Stefan's been trying to reach out to you all summer but you've been too distracted with Damon to help him so he reached out to the person that he trusts... me. Nah. You're probably right. Elena and I had the exact same dream on the exact same night. Why would that mean something?
[Mystic Grill]
(Matt goes out into the alley. Nadia is here)
Matt: What the hell did you do to me? Look. I know you and your creep show boyfriend screwed with my head the other night, so who the hell are you, and what do you want?
Nadia: I'm here to keep you safe from Silas
Matt: Silas? What do you know about Silas?
Nadia: I know that he still wants you dead. You're going to need to trust me, Ok?
(She performs a kind of spell on him. Matt changes)
Nadia: Gregor, I'm sorry, but Silas was going to kill you. Doing it myself was the only way to salvage the deal. I need his trust
Matt/Gregor: So you slit my throat?
Nadia: You knew the stakes. It is why we put you inside the person with the invincibility ring
Matt/Gregor: So now what? I am just a passenger that you can call out of Matt's head and put away whenever you want?
Nadia: I will find a way to make this permanent, Gregor, because I love you, Ok? And I will do anything, anything for you
Matt/Gregor: Tell me where you buried my body
Nadia: Ok, but first, you will have to dial your friend Elena Gilbert and find out where Katherine is
[A cabin]
Stefan: Do you have, a, uh, cell phone? I have to make a phone call
Tessa: There's no cell reception out here, and remember, I made it safe for you here, but I wouldn't go outside if I were you
Stefan: No offense, Qetsiyah. I'm having a bit of a hard time believing what you're saying
Tessa: "Qetsiyah." Sounds so... Ancient timey, don't you think? How about Tessa? It's a little different but not so different you wouldn't find it on one of those souvenir key chains
Stefan: So that's why you rejoined the land of the living, souvenir key chains?
Tessa: I'm here because the Bennett witch lowered the veil. I saw an opportunity to make myself a living, breathing mortal, and I thought, "why not?" My hunters had failed in their task to kill Silas. I figured it was time to handle things in person
Stefan: Well, 2,000 years is a hell of a long time to hold a grudge
Tessa: You have clearly never been left at the altar
Ancient Greece, 2000 years ago
(It's time for the wedding)
Tessa: Like a lovesick idiot, I created an entire garden for our wedding, and I made a spell that would keep us alive forever, an immortality spell so we would never have to part. Silas and I were going to drink the immortality elixir as part of our wedding ceremony, but then everything around me started to die, my wedding flower, the garden trellis, our harvest, and then I realized why. Silas has already used the immortality spell. He was already drinking the elixir somewhere else. He took what he wanted, and then the b*st*rd abandoned me.
Nowadays
[A Cabin]
Tessa: So call me a woman scorned or a vindictive bitch or whatever label suits your story, but I thought I was his one true love, and he ripped my heart out
Stefan: I'm sorry
Tessa: I deserved a chance to look him in the eye and make him understand how much he hurt me, so I found him in the wilderness with the woman he gave my immortality to, the woman he chose over me,and just when I thought his betrayal couldn't cut any deeper, I learned that his actual true love was someone very close to me... My handmaiden
Ancient Greece. 2000 years ago
(Tessa is in the woods looking for Silas. She finds him with another woman)
Silas: Just as you are mine, I am yours forever because when I look at you... Amara... All I see is an angel
Nowadays
[A Cabin]
Stefan: So Silas was the first version of me, and your friend was the first version of Elena?
Tessa: Amara was hardly a friend. When they drank the immortality elixir, they violated the natural law that all living things must die, so nature found a balance by creating mortal shadow selves
Stefan: Doppelgangers
Tessa: Like you and Katherine and Elena all caused by the ripple effect from Silas and Amara's sin
Stefan: You want to tell me what the hell you've been doing this whole time?
Tessa: Silas stole your daylight ring. You're going to need a new one. When this is ready, I need your help to take down Silas once and for all
[A bar]
(Damon parks the car in front of a bar. Elena and Damon get out of the car. Katherine is sleeping)
Elena: Are we really just gonna leave her in the car?
Damon: The only time she shuts up is when she's sleeping. I didn't want to disturb our peace and quiet. I thought you said this was the one
Elena: It is. It looks exactly like it did in the dream. Isn't that a little freaky?
Damon: Yeah. It's a lot of freaky. Let's go see if Stef's inside
(They enter. The brander is inside)
Bartender: Can I get you something?
Damon: Yeah, sure. Why don't you tell me what happened to your neck, Jo?
Jo: Some psycho attacked me, bit me, told me to run, so I did, and when I looked back, he was on fire
Elena: The sun must have come up. He doesn't have his daylight ring
Damon: And then what happened?
Jo: Some woman shoved him into a truck, drove away
Damon: Did you know this woman?
Jo: No. She was driving Cam Peterson's truck. He lives about 10 miles down that dirt road out back. Here. Look like you could use one of these
Damon: Hmm. I could. Thank you
(He drinks but coughs immediately)
Damon: Vervain
(Nadia comes out)
Elena: What did you do?
Nadia: I told her to pour him a drink or I'd kill her
Damon: Who the hell are you?
(Katherine enters)
Nadia: Which one of you is Katherine Pierce?
Katherine: She is
Nadia: Katherine is a compulsive liar, but I need her alive
Elena: Katherine, run!
Nadia: You really do look exactly alike
(They fight and Nadia finally leaves)
Damon: Wonderful. Now we've got a vampire bounty hunter to deal with. Let me guess. Eurobitch was not part of the dream
Elena: I've never seen her before
Damon: Yeah. Well, whoever she was, she wants Katherine, which means she's probably a Silas spy
Elena: I'll go chase after her. You find Stefan
Damon: Wait. What? No. She almost killed you
Elena: We don't have time for a detour. Damon, Stefan's hurt. Find him
Damon: Wait. No. Stop. Just wait. Any sign of trouble, you let her go, do you understand me? I don't care how bad Silas wants Katherine. She's not worth the hair on your head. You got me? Ok? Kiss me. Go
[SCENE_BREAK]
[A Cabin]
Tessa: Hovering actually slows down the process
Stefan: Ah. Got it. So what's your, uh, plan? Take the cure and shove it down Silas' throat, kill him?
Tessa: You're skipping ahead. We don't stand a chance against Silas with his mental powers
Stefan: You took him down before, right?
Tessa: A long time ago. That was before he could compel masses, and 2,000 years of consuming dribbles of blood from thousands of people, it's allowed him to hone his skills. It prepared him to escape from the tomb I put him in
Stefan: Is that where Amara is right now, locked away in a tomb?
Tessa: No, Stefan. Amara is not locked in a tomb
Ancient Greece. 2000 years ago
(Tessa is in Silas' camp. He arrives)
Silas: What are you doing here?
Tessa: I brought you two gifts. The first is the chalice from which we were to drink at our wedding
Silas: I know you must be very angry with me
Tessa: I was... For a time, but then I realized it was within my power to forgive you by creating this, your second gift, a cure for immortality
Silas: That's not possible
Tessa: I promise you, it works. I just used it on someone else immortal
Silas: What did you do? Amara!
(He enters the tent. There's blood everywhere)
Silas: Amara! No. Amara! No! No!
Tessa: She couldn't speak after I cut her throat... But I could tell by the way her heart was beating... She knew she was going to die
Silas: I will kill you, I will kill you!
Tessa: You will not come near me unless you take the cure and give up your immortality. Take the cure, Silas. We can live long human lives together
Nowadays
[A Cabin]
Tessa: Can't say I didn't give him a second chance
Stefan: That's what you call a second chance?
Tessa: I'm a complicated person, but Silas remains a simple man. I created the other side as a supernatural barrier between Silas and the peaceful afterlife he craved. Then I dropped him in that tomb with that cure, thinking eventually he would take it and kill himself to be with Amara just so he could realize that he was caught with me for all eternity
Stefan: How's that working out for you?
Tessa: He's been a little stubborn
Stefan: I take it you're not really making me a daylight ring, are you?
Tessa: Do you really think I'd give you the one thing you need to walk out of here?
Stefan: All right. Listen. We're on the same side. I want Silas gone as much as you do
Tessa: Have you not been listening to me. I have trust issues. I'm controlling and paranoid and a little crazy. And that's working out just fine
[The Woods]
(Katherine is running. Elena catches up with her)
Katherine: I'm can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm really glad it's you. My leg is cramping, and I'm freezing. Do you mind if I, uh... can I borrow your sweater?
Elena: Let's go before she doubles back
Katherine: Why didn't you kill me?
Elena: If Silas wants you, that means you're leverage
Katherine: No. I mean, after you shoved the cure down my throat. I was trying to kill you. Why didn't you finish me off?
Elena: You think that because we share the same dreams and both care about Stefan that we're alike, but we're not. I value my humanity, which is why I let you live, to give you a chance to find whatever shred of humanity's buried underneath 500 years of bad behavior
Katherine: Or maybe you thought that being human was punishment worse than death for me
Elena: Naw. That was just a happy accident
Katherine: Well...thank you. I'm glad to know that you care, even if you are a condescending bitch
(Nadia breaks her neck)
Nadia: Do I have to knock you out, too?
Katherine: Not necessary
[A Cabin]
(Stefan is tied to a chair. Damon enters)
Damon: Stefan. You couldn't call a brother?
Stefan: Nice to see you, too, Damon
Damon: What the hell is going on here?
Stefan: Well, Silas' ex-girlfriend decided to come back from the other side
Damon: Qetsi-whatever?
Tessa: It's Qetsiyah. Do you see why I want to change it? You won't be able to break those vines. The spell won't release him until I get what I want
Damon: I guess the rumors are true. You are a ray of sunshine. Question--why is my brother wearing your compost pile?
Tessa: I'm going to link Stefan to Silas. Casting a spell on his doppelganger will neutralize Silas' mental powers. Once he's weakened, I will force him to take the cure
Damon: That's a great idea; force the cure down his throat. The cure's gone, done, it's ingested
Tessa: Katherine you mean. I'm aware of her condition. She was supposed to be with you
Stefan: Wait. Katherine took the cure?
Damon: We have a lot to catch up on, Stefan. Wait a minute. What do you mean supposed to be with me?Did you plant those dreams? What is it, some kind of, like, witch party trick?
Tessa: So where is she?
Damon: We ran into a little snag
Tessa: Then I'll get started without her
Damon: Ok. Well, thanks for the hospitality, but we should really get going if we want to beat traffic
Stefan: Yep, yep. He's right
Tessa: Probably don't want to get on my bad side
Damon: You realize you're not the only one with a bad side, right?
Tessa: Aren't you brave? Without Silas' mental powers, he is an immortal nobody. We can defeat him. Isn't that what you want?
Stefan: Just do it, all right? Just get it over with. Do it
[A Road]
(Katherine and Nadia come out of the woods)
Katherine: Sorry to sound like a broken record, but I like to know the identity of my kidnappers. Who are you, and what do you want?
Nadia: Ask me again, and I'll sew your mouth shut
(They rejoin Silas)
Katherine: Silas. Of course it's you
Nadia: What are you doing here?
Silas: GPS tracker. It's even better than a locator spell. Thank you for working so quickly, Nadia
Nadia: I'm not ready to hand her over yet
Silas: Oh, that's right. Your fascinating unfinished business I don't care about
Nadia: Get out of my head
Katherine: What are you two talking about?
Silas: Let go of her arm. Now I want you to pull out your gun... And aim it at your heart. Good. Now pull... The trig...ugh!
Katherine: Seriously, what is going on?
[A Cabin]
(Tessa is still casting her spell)
Damon: What are you doing to my brother?
Tessa: Frying Silas' brain. No one said it would be pretty
(Stefan loses consciousness)
Damon: All right. We're done here
Tessa: You're right. We're done. It worked
Damon: Stefan, Stefan! Stef? Damn it. Whatever you did to him, undo it
Tessa: Relax. I just burned through his conscious mind. He'll wake eventually. You sure you want to take him home?You and Elena were doing so well without your guilt getting in the way
Damon: Spying on us from the other side?
Tessa: Don't flatter yourself. It was like watching a soap opera except boring and with no volume control. You know, there was one thing worse than being on the other side and watching Silas resist the cure
Damon: Oh, yeah? What was that, realizing that your plan totally sucked?
Tessa: Century after century, I watched versions of Stefan and Elena find each other like magnets, always the same story... conquering all, falling in love. You didn't think your brother was Silas' first shadow? Destiny has been trying to get the doppelgangers together forever
Damon: Look here, miss crazy, why don't we just dial down the destiny talk a notch, Ok?
Tessa: You don't want to hear it, but the universe is working against you
Damon: If you're trying to downplay your reputation as being a psychopath, you might not want to say you're spokesperson for the universe
Tessa: You and I are the same, Damon, the obstacle standing between two fates. Silas had his true love, and Stefan has Elena. We're merely the conflict that makes it interesting
Damon: So what are you suggesting, I leave him here with you while I run off and live happily ever after with Elena?
Tessa: I'd keep him safe
Damon: You have a bad track record with men
Tessa: I want to keep him safe. Now that he's linked to Silas, Silas can't mess with our heads, and as long as Stefan's in the way, you will never be with Elena. Take it from a woman who's had front row seats for 2,000 years
Damon: No one would have to know?
Tessa: No one has to know
Damon: Or you could just go back to hell
(She uses her powers on him)
(Elena enters)
Elena: Stefan! Stefan! Hey! Oh, no. Stefan, hey. Stefan, can you hear me? Stefan! Wake up. Oh god
[A Motel Room]
(Katherine is alone, looking through Nadia's stuff. She enters)
Katherine: Fine. I was snooping, trying to find a passport or a business card or maybe even a parking ticket because you won't tell me who you are
Nadia: You said you were hungry
Katherine: For food, not packaged poison
Nadia: Suit yourself
(Her phone rings. She answers)
Nadia: Silas the betrayer. Someone lived up to his reputation today
Silas: Where are you?
Nadia: Wouldn't you like to know?
Silas: You know, I may not be able to read your mind anymore...
Nadia: it's too bad you lost the one thing that made you interesting
Silas: But that won't stop me from killing you if you don't hold up your end of the deal. Now whatever twisted fantasy you're playing out with Katherine is your issue, but she stays alive
Nadia: We'll see
Silas: It wasn't a question. As you mentioned earlier, Katherine is still my priority, and since I lost my psychic abilities, that can only mean one thing. My ex-fiancée is alive again, and she's on her way to Mystic Falls
Nadia: Well, maybe you two will get back together
Silas: Heh heh. Reconciliation isn't really her thing. She hates me as much as I hate her, and if you think that I don't play fair, wait till you see what she's capable of because Qetsiyah and I have some common ground... neither one of us will stop until we get what we want, and both of us want the cure
(Katherine takes the phone)
Katherine: Enough of the games, Silas. What do you want with me?
Silas: You know, it's funny. The love of my life looked exactly like you, and yet the mere thought of your face makes me want to vomit
Katherine: I don't know what you're talking about, but if I'm nothing but a gag reflex to you, why not cut me loose, and then we could call it day?
Silas: Because the cure still exists, and I still want it. It's just running through your veins right now. Your blood is the cure, Katherine. Does that clear things up for you?
[Lockwood's Mansion]
(Matt's phone rings. He answers)
Matt: Hello?
Elena: It's me. I just wanted to let you know that we found Stefan. Unfortunately, we lost Katherine along the way. Hey. Are you Ok? You sounded weird on the phone earlier. I was worried
Matt: Wait. We talked on the phone today? When?
Elena:You called and asked me if we found Stefan and if Katherine was safe. I told you where we were headed. You don't remember?
Matt: Yeah, yeah. I remember. Can I call you back tomorrow?
Elena: Ok
[Salvatore's House]
(Elena puts Stefan's ring on his finger. Damon enters)
Damon: Well, he's got his daylight ring back. We're all set for a picnic
Elena: He's lucky he has a brother who looks out for him. Otherwise, you might have pawned it for a pinball machine. You're suspiciously quiet. Tell me what Qetsiyah said back at the cabin
Damon: She told me that we don't stand a chance
Elena: And what does she know about us?
Damon: Well, she told me a very interesting little story about the history of doppelgangers, how they're fated to fall in love with each other. Basically, the universe programmed you to fall in love with Stefan, not me, which means... We're a lost cause no matter what we do. I'm paraphrasing
Elena: The universe?
Damon: Her words, not mine
Elena: So she's crazy?
Damon: Maybe. Maybe she's not
Elena: Look. I know I spent the last couple days focusing on trying to find Stefan, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you, and I'm not gonna let Silas' 2,000-year-old ex-girlfriend screw things up between us
Damon: You think I am? I mean, no one tells me how I live my life, no one tells me who I love, especially not some vindictive prehistoric witch and definitely not the universe, and I'm not gonna let someone else's idea of destiny stop me from loving you or being with you or building a future with you because you are my life
(Stefan wakes up)
Damon: Welcome back, brother
Elena: Stefan... We missed you
Stefan: Uh, I'm sorry. I... I have no idea who you people are. | Plan: A: three months; Q: How long did Stefan spend underwater in the quarry? A: the quarry; Q: Where was Stefan locked in a safe underwater? A: Elena; Q: Who tells Damon that she had a dream about Stefan in a bar? A: Damon; Q: Who finds Stefan? A: the waitress; Q: Who was bitten by Stefan? A: Stefan hostage; Q: What does Qetsiyah have Stefan? A: her version; Q: What version of how Silas became immortal does Qetsiyah tell Stefan? A: Silas; Q: Who did Qetsiyah want to marry? A: the immortality spell; Q: What did Silas take with Amara? A: the cure; Q: What did Qetsiyah create after killing Amara? A: Matt; Q: Who does Nadia use magic on to contact Gregor? A: Gregor; Q: Who did Nadia kill to fool Silas? A: Katherine's whereabouts; Q: What information does Nadia get from Elena? A: Nadia kidnaps Katherine; Q: What does Nadia do to Katherine? A: his psychic powers; Q: What does Qetsiyah remove from Silas? A: amnesia; Q: What is Stefan suffering from when he awakes? Summary: Stefan finally surfaces after three months being locked in a safe underwater in the quarry. When Elena tells Damon that she had a dream about Stefan in a bar, Katherine says she had them too. Damon and Elena, alongside Katherine go to a bar to search for Stefan where they find the waitress who was bitten by Stefan. Qetsiyah has Stefan hostage and tells her version of how Silas became immortal. Qetsiyah reveals that she was originally to marry Silas and made the spell for him, when he betrayed her to take the immortality spell with the woman he really loved, Qetsiyah's handmaiden, Amara, she created the cure and killed Amara. Qetsiyah continues to divulge her plans of destroying Silas by using Stefan to make him weaker. Meanwhile, Nadia uses magic on Matt to contact Gregor (whom she killed to fool Silas) and uses him to get information about Katherine's whereabouts from Elena. Nadia kidnaps Katherine and goes to Silas to give her but she realizes that he is using her. When Damon finds Stefan, Qetsiyah warns him that Stefan and Elena are destined and he is just in the way. Qetsiyah performs a spell on Stefan, connecting him to Silas and ridding Silas of his psychic powers. When Stefan awakes following Qetsiyah's spell, he is suffering from amnesia. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
(OPEN in Lorelai?s house. Lorelai opens the front door, which is chained and tries to get in the house)
LORELAI: Luke, hello? Luuuke! My door is chained! Which is especially funny, since I don't have a chain on my door. Luke!
LUKE (OS): Lorelai?
LORELAI: No. Land shark. Candygram. Here's Johnny. (frustrated) Uh! Luke, open the door!
LUKE (OS): Stay there.
LORELAI: Oh, oh, okay. (tries to put her hand through the door and open it) God. (her hand gets stuck) Ow. Ow, I have a cramp. Luke, I have a cramp.
LUKE (OS): Sorry.
LORELAI: Huh... (Luke comes up to the door) I'm permanently stuck like this. (starts to wave her arm franticly)
LUKE: All right, get your arm out of the way so I can unchain the door.
LORELAI: Sure. Just yell, "stand up already!" to the guy in the wheelchair. (Luke unchains and opens the door)
LUKE: I chained the door earlier to test it. Here. (hands her a glass of wine)
LORELAI: (taking the wine and coming into the house) Oh, what an odd reward system you have.
LUKE: Come with me. (leads her to the living room)
LORELAI: What's going on?
LUKE: We...are celebrating.
LORELAI: Celebrating! What?
LUKE: Listen.
LORELAI: ...Are you cooking?
LUKE: Is that listening?
LORELAI: Well, I'm hungry.
LUKE: Focus.
LORELAI: I'm hungry.
LUKE: Ssshhhh.
LORELAI: Fine. (they listen for a beat) I don't hear anything.
LUKE: Exactly.
LORELAI: OooK...Simon, Garfunkel.
LUKE: It's done.
LORELAI: What's done?
LUKE: The house. It's done.
LORELAI: No, it was supposed to take another week.
LUKE: I know. I paid Tom a bonus to get the guys out of here early.
LORELAI: And he finished everything?
LUKE: Yep! No more banging or sawing, no more paint cans lying around, cigarette butts in the potted plants.
LORELAI: Well, they didn't put the light-socket covers back on. They'll have to come back to put the light-socket cov...(Luke start pointing at the light socket covers)
LUKE: Light-socket covers are on.
LORELAI: What about the skinny, tiny, molding in the closet? They have to fix the skinny, tiny molding in the closet.
LUKE: Skinny, tiny molding is done.
LORELAI: Mmmm...Well, I'm sure they did not pick up all their tools. They'll have to come back and pick up their tools...
LUKE: You're not happy they're gone.
LORELAI: No, I am. I just...I wanted to say "goodbye".
LUKE: Goodbye?
LORELAI: Yeah, I wanted to have a, you know, "we're done" party. Buy 'em some pizza.
LUKE: More pizza.
LORELAI: And I had going-away presents for them.
LUKE: I gave them a going away present. A $2000 going-away present. That's got to bring some smiles.
LORELAI: But I bought paper hats and noisemakers.
LUKE: The place was covered with dust. You were getting woken up at six am every morning by the hammering. I thought you'd be happy.
LORELAI: I am. I'm just sad at the same time. You've never been with a woman before?
LUKE: OK, fine. I've got another surprise for ya.
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: Upstairs.
LORELAI: Where?
LUKE: Bedroom.
LORELAI: (gasps) Upstairs in the bedroom? Whatever could it be? (they walk toward the staircase)
(CUT to upstairs hallway, continuous. Luke and Lorelai are walking towards the bedroom)
LUKE: Close your eyes.
LORELAI: I'm not scared of it anymore, Luke.
LUKE: Would you please just close your eyes?
LORELAI: OK. (she closes her eyes)
(CUT to inside bedroom, continuous. Luke opens the doors and they enter. Lorelai still has her eyes closed)
LUKE: (stops her as she keeps on moving in the room) Ah, nuh uh. You ready?
LORELAI: Ready.
LUKE: Take a look. (Lorelai opens her eyes and looks around surprised, not in a good way)
LORELAI: Wow! What is this? (we see inside the bedroom, which is filled with old creepy looking furniture)
LUKE: This is my grandmother's bedroom set. It's in perfect shape. Can you imagine?
LORELAI: (forced interest and delight) Wow! (noticing the carving on the bed) Look at all the cherubs.
LUKE: People have been trying to buy it off me for years, but I always felt that I would eventually find the perfect place to put it, you know?
LORELAI: (walking around the room) Uh-huh.
LUKE: And then the room was done and just sitting there, and I remembered the day you came down to that storage unit, and you saw the furniture, and you said you liked it.
LORELAI: I did?
LUKE: Yeah! And since you liked it and I've been looking for a place to put it, I figured...
LORELAI: When did I come to your storage unit?
LUKE: Five years ago. You needed to borrow that space heater.
LORELAI: Oh, right.
LUKE: And look. (picks up and old painting of a boat - assuming there are a few more of those) I haven't had a chance to put these up. Aren't they great?
LORELAI: (same forced tone) Yes. Yes, they are.
LUKE: Yeah, I was tempted to get them reframed, but it just didn't seem right. (Lorelai notices the mirror of the dresser. It looks like it belongs to a fun House)
LORELAI: Oh. I've got one big eye. That's fun.
LUKE: Yeah, that's the original glass. You can't find that anymore. So, you sure you like it?
LORELAI: I love it.
LUKE: Great. OK. Well...let's get downstairs, 'cause I am making risotto. (they chuckle and Luke exits the room)
LORELAI: (a bit disappointed walk out after him) I just love it.
(OPENING CREDITS)
(CUT to Gilmore mansion dining room, morning. Emily is sitting at the table reading her newspaper. Rory walks in and heads towards the kitchen. They don't exchange a word. The maid -Sumatra- starts pouring Emily some coffee as Rory walks out of the kitchen with a muffin in hand. She starts to exit the dinning room as Emily starts to talk to the maid)
EMILY: Sumatra, please get my granddaughter a plate.
RORY: That's all right, Sumatra. I'm just going up to my room.
EMILY: Sumatra, please tell my granddaughter that all food is to be consumed in the dining room.
RORY: Sumatra, please tell my Grandmother "What?!"
EMILY: That's the rule in this house, Rory.
RORY: I'm late for community service.
EMILY: Food in this house is meant to be consumed in the dining room or not at all.
RORY: What about when you take your tea outside on the patio?
EMILY: That is in the afternoon. This is morning, and in the morning you eat your food at the table, in the dining room...
RORY: (cuts Emily off by leaving the muffin on the table with a tude) Fine. I'll be back this afternoon. (exits the dinning room while Emily stares at the muffin. She turns to look t the maid and the maid looks back)
EMILY: (to Sumatra) Well, if you expect that muffin to fly back to the kitchen, you better go get it a cape. (Sumatra takes the muffin and exits to the kitchen. Emily goes back to reading her newspaper, looking upset)
(CUT to Dragonfly Inn kitchen, morning. Sookie is cooking when Lorelai walks in holding a stack of papers and envelopes)
LORELAI: Hey!
SOOKIE: I have to go to China.
LORELAI: Enjoy your flight.
SOOKIE: I need inspiration. I need ideas. I'm tapped-out. Boring. You know what's on the menu tonight?
LORELAI: What?
SOOKIE: Goose with oyster stuffing.
LORELAI: What?
SOOKIE: I know. But that's all I could come up with. And then the only reason I thought of that was because Davey just learned "duck duck goose," and the ducks looked puny, so there you go.
LORELAI: Well say "Hi" to Yao Ming for me.
SOOKIE: Will do. (takes an envelope that Lorelai has brought in and starts to open it) What is this?
LORELAI: This is a formal invitation, written by me, on the dragonfly notepad, about five minutes ago, inviting you and Jackson to a housewarming dinner at my newly completed pad.
SOOKIE: (Gasps) It's done.
LORELAI: Done!
SOOKIE: Saturday night.
LORELAI: I've heard it's all right for fighting. Get a little action in.
SOOKIE: Wow. Your house is done. This is so exciting! How does it look?
LORELAI: It, uh, looks great.
SOOKIE: It, uh, does?
LORELAI: Yeah.
SOOKIE: Why do you hate it?
LORELAI: I don't hate it. It's beautiful. It's just...What if Jackson brought home a set of his grandmother's pots and pans? Now, obviously, you need some pots and pans, and these are free and all, but they're really old. And you don't want to hurt Jackson's feelings 'cause he feels very sentimental about the pans, but they've got fat cherubs carved all over them, and you just don't want them.
SOOKIE: Do the cherubs interfere with the actual cooking function, or are they just decorative?
LORELAI: Well, decorative is a wildly generous description, but function's fine.
SOOKIE: What happened to my old pots and pans?
LORELAI: Uuh...Gone. Thrown out.
SOOKIE: Can I get them back?
LORELAI: Babette's nephew, Gary, is sleeping on them.
SOOKIE: Sleeping on them?
LORELAI: I'm not really talking about pans, Sookie.
SOOKIE: Well, what are you talking about?
LORELAI: I'm talking about Luke's grandmother's bedroom furniture that he set up in my brand-new bedroom.
SOOKIE: Oh.
LORELAI: And he loves this furniture.
SOOKIE: And you don't?
LORELAI: No, I don't. But it shouldn't matter, right?
SOOKIE: Why not?
LORELAI: Look at everything Luke has done for me. I mean he bought and then he un-bought the Twickham House, and then he almost bought it again, and then he decided to live at my house because I wanted to live at my house.
SOOKIE: Yeah, he did.
LORELAI: He has turned his whole life upside down for me. He does everything in his power to make me happy and give me what I want, so can't I just give him this one little thing?
SOOKIE: Yes, you can.
LORELAI: No, I can't. The bed is small and really low, perfect for tiny, shrunken limbs that can't be too far off the ground. And then he has this ancient dresser with the original fun-house mirror in it so that when I wake up every morning, and I am at my most visually vulnerable, I'll look in there and think I'm that kid from "Mask."
SOOKIE: You can replace the mirror.
LORELAI: Oh, no. He loves the mirror. And the bed, and the dresser, oh, and the paintings! Did I say about the paintings?
SOOKIE: No.
LORELAI: Of sailboats?
SOOKIE: Ohh.
LORELAI: There's six of them. Six sailboats waiting to sail me away to an old-folks home. And then, when the wind's right, drop me off at the pearly gates. I'm hateful and selfish.
SOOKIE: No, you're not.
LORELAI: I just want my new house to be perfect. Half that crap in there was hand-me-downs to begin with. You know I had that old bed that Mia let me snag from the Independence Inn. I just wanted something new.
SOOKIE: You have to tell him.
LORELAI: I can't tell him.
SOOKIE: Maybe it's not so bad.
LORELAI: Well, you'll see for yourself
on Saturday night. 7:30?
SOOKIE: Aye, aye, captain.
LORELAI: Huh...(exits the kitchen and Sookie goes back to her cooking)
(CUT to Gilmore mansion, morning. Richard walks in the house and starts walking around and looking through mail while talking loudly in what seems to be an empty house)
RICHARD: Emily! Sorry to be so late. Jenson wouldn't stop talking. The car will be here in 20 minutes to take me to the airport. Remember, I'm not going to be back until Tuesday, so you're going to have to deal with Alejandro yourself. (walks into the sitting room area and sits on a small desk to write a check) I will leave you the check. All you have to do is hand it to him and tell him that if there are any problems I will be back to talk to him on Wednesday. I hope you told the maid to pack my raincoat. Forecasts are predicting Armageddon, apparently. Now, I have a stopover in Las Vegas. Is there anything that you want me to bring you back? (Finn and Colin start walking down the staircase holding boxes full of stuff)
FINN: Your safe return, darling, is all I need.(Richard looks around at the boys with a surprised and confused look)
RICHARD: Who the hell are you?
FINN: Well, if I knew that, I could dismiss my therapist, couldn't I? Though she's very hot.
COLIN: I'm Colin McCrea.
RICHARD: How wonderful for you. (get up from the desk and approaches the boys) What are you doing in my house? Put that box down. Both of you. (the boys put the boxes down) Explain yourselves.
COLIN: Mr. Gilmore, I'm Colin McCrea. You know my father, Andrew McCrea.
RICHARD: Yes, I know Andrew McCrea. What are you doing in my house? Where's Mrs. Gilmore?
FINN: Don't know, mate. Rory let us in.
COLIN: We came over to help her move her stuff.
RICHARD: Move her stuff where?
FINN: To her new place of residence.
RICHARD: What do you mean "new place of residence"? Rory's moving out?
FINN: I hope so. Otherwise, she'll have nothing to wear tomorrow.
RICHARD: That's preposterous! A person doesn't just move out without a word. Where is she? Rory!
FINN: She already left.
RICHARD: Well I want an explanation.
COLIN: We'll have her call you. (starts to pick up his box)
RICHARD: You! You'll ha...What are you doing with that? (pointing at the box) That's my tennis racket.
FINN: I told you she didn't point to the closet on the right.
COLIN: Well then I have no idea what closet she was pointing to.
FINN: I suppose these humidors aren't hers, either. Pity. (to Richard who looks very confused) Any chance you're sick of them? I promise to give them a nice home and show them a picture of you every year at Christmas.(Richard points upstairs and walks away. The boys look at him go) Very tall man, that one. (Colin picks up his box and starts going back upstairs)
(CUT to Luke's diner, morning. Lorelai is sitting on a table examining the nachos that she has on plate in front of her. Luke comes by her table)
LUKE: They're gonna to get cold.
LORELAI: Are they different?
LUKE: Different than what?
LORELAI: They seem different.
LUKE: They're nachos. Now eat them.
LORELAI: You used baked chips.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: You did, didn't you? You used baked chips and low-fat cheese.
LUKE: I did not... use low-fat cheese.
LORELAI: Ha!
LUKE: How can you tell?
LORELAI: How could you lie?
LUKE: They taste the same!
LORELAI: Oh, the trust, Luke. How are we gonna to make it if you're constantly trying to keep me healthy?
LUKE: Fine. Forget it. Die at 60. (takes the plate and walk away)
LORELAI: Bring me a doughnut while I wait. (Lane notices Lorelai and tries to avoid and ignore her) Hey, Lane. Yoo-hoo! Lane! Whoo! (wildly gesturing) Lane, seriously. Landing planes over here. (Lane gives up and goes over to her table)
LANE: Lorelai. Hey.
LORELAI; Hey. Fill me up here. (Lane fills up Lorelai cup with coffee while avoiding eye contact) Sooo, how's it going?
LANE: Good.
LORELAI: Good. I haven't seen you the last couple days.
LANE: I've been working the lunch shift.
LORELAI: Oh. Something wrong?
LANE: Wrong?
LORELAI: Yeah, you're giving me a Valerie Cherish, you know, and "I don't wanna see that!". (Lane doesn't get it and seems uncomfortable) It's a great show. You should watch it.
LANE: I will.
LORELAI: It's cancelled.
LANE: Oh, sorry.
LORELAI: Well, it's your fault, so...Wow, what's going on here? Usually when I come in, you say "hi", and then I say "hi", and you tell me what's going on in your life, and I tell you what's going on in my life. It's not curing the bird flu or anything, but it's been a nice tradition.
LANE: Rory moved in with me.
LORELAI: She...But why? What happened?
LANE: I don't really know. We haven't had the in-depth conversation yet. She just said she moved out of her grandparents' house and needed a place to crash.
LORELAI: Wow, that's pretty big.
LANE: Yeah. And she didn't tell me if I could say anything to you, so I just assumed I shouldn't.
LORELAI: Right, I get it. I heard nothing. So, it's nice of you to let her crash.
LANE: Hey, she's small. How much room can she take up, right?
LORELAI: Did she bring her books?
LANE: Good point. Are you okay?
LORELAI: Me? Sure. I'm fine. A little curious, but I'm fine.
LANE: Well, when I know more...
LORELAI: Right.
LANE: OK.
LORELAI: OK.
LANE: OK.
LORELAI: OK (Lane walks away and Lorelai is left alone at the table)
(CUT to Lane's apartment, morning. Rory is sitting on the kitchen counter working on her computer. Lane is fussing with prepping a sandwich, which she serves Rory)
LANE: Lunch is served.
RORY: Such service.
LANE: I'm just in it for the tips.
RORY: Underwear first, then pants.
LANE: What a shame I'm away from my snare drum. Want a soda?
RORY: Please. Soda me. (Lane goes over to the fridge to get that soda as Zach walks in)
ZACH: Shampoo's looking low.
LANE: I'll get more tomorrow.
ZACH: (to Rory) Four people in the house sure makes the shampoo go away faster, huh?
RORY: I brought my own shampoo, Zach.
ZACH: Hey, not a judgment, just an observation. (looking at Rory's sandwich on the counter) Two paper towels, huh?
LANE: Relax, Zach. (gives Rory the soda and starts fussing with making her own sandwich)
ZACH: Hey, it's cool. Just paper towels don't grow on trees. They cost money. Use two a day for a month, that's like 60 paper towels. You're looking at 24 rolls per year.
RORY: I'm not staying that long, Zach.
ZACH: Hey, Lane's casa es su casa, apparently. (picks up a box of serial) Oh, cool! Don't have to strain myself by lifting a full box. Excellent.
RORY: I'm not staying that long, Zach.
LANE: She's not staying that long, Zach.
RORY: A couple of days, tops.
ZACH: Yeah? (to Lane) Remember Don? He came for a couple days, tops, once. Six weeks later, he's still here. Ate all my cheese nips. But when I confronted him with the box, he said they were just settling. Dude had cheese-nip breath as he told me they were just settling.
RORY: (her phone starts ringing) Oh my God, Zach, I am not staying that long. (picks up her cell and walks away from the kitchen counter) Hello.
STUART: (on phone) Rory Gilmore, please.
RORY: This is Rory Gilmore. (scene cuts between Lane's apartment and Stuart's office)
STUART: Rory, this is Stuart Woltz, of the Stamford Eagle Gazette.
RORY: Mr. Woltz, yes. Thank you so much for calling me back.
STUART: No problem. Listen I got your message and of course I'll be happy to give you a reference. I'll even make it a great one.
RORY: Really?
STUART: Look, I don't really know what happened with you and Mitchum, but from me to you, you're a sharp kid, and you got a lot going for you. Anybody'd be lucky to have you working for them.
RORY: Thank you so much.
STUART: I know this'll shock you, but you're not the first person who couldn't get along with Herr Huntzberger. It's a pretty big club, actually. Ignore him.
RORY: I plan on doing just that.
STUART: Good. OK, so, just have whoever you want call me, and I'll sing your praises. Sorry I can't hire you at the Gazette, but we don't have any openings right now anyhow, so...
RORY: That's okay. The reference will be plenty.
STUART: Good luck, Rory. I expect to hear great things about you someday.
RORY: I promise not to let you down. Goodbye, Mr. Woltz. (they hang up. Rory starts walking back to the kitchen) Yes!
LANE: Good news?
RORY: References are now officially in order, which is a relief because I've already sent out 125,000 resumes.
LANE: Oh, listen. I forgot to tell you. I may have done something stupid.
RORY: What?
LANE: Well...I kind of told Lorelai that you've moved in here.
ZACH: I'm sorry? "Moved in here"?
LANE: Zach! There must be something else you can do.
RORY: When did you see my mom?
LANE: This morning at Luke's. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if you wanted her to know or didn't want her to know.
RORY: It's OK. It's fine that she knows.
LANE: Oh, good.
RORY: OK! It's time to get dressed and hit the pavement. (starts to walk away. Lane stops her)
LANE: Wait. Your sandwich. (passes her the sandwich and Rory takes it)
RORY: Thank you. (exits)
ZACH: Sure, just leave your computer plugged in, sucking up all our energy.
LANE: Zach!
ZACH: What? I'm just writing a song.
(CUT to Lorelai's kitchen, night. Lorelai and Sookie are setting the table for dinner)
SOOKIE: I can't believe you didn't do anything to the kitchen.
LORELAI: What are you talking about? Look at the brand-new napkin holder. It used to be a cow. Now it's a much bigger cow.
SOOKIE: Fine. Forget it. (putting a platter in the oven) Chicken and dumplings going in.
LORELAI: You do know the pile of burgers sitting in the refrigerator is intended for human consumption.
SOOKIE: I never go anywhere without a casserole.
LORELAI: Must make dining out rather awkward.
SOOKIE: Look, if by some chance Luke happens to burn the chicken or overcook the burgers, then we won't starve. If everything turns out perfect, then you can freeze the casserole and eat it for the rest of your life.
LORELAI: Perfect plan. (we hear some arguing from outside and a then Luke and Jackson enter through the kitchen door)
LUKE: Forget it.
JACKSON: There is no shame in using a charcoal chimney.
LUKE: (taking the uncooked burgers out of the fridge and passes one plate to Jackson) It's a gadget. I don't do gadgets.
JACKSON: It takes twice as long.
LUKE: You got someplace to be? (takes out another plate)
JACKSON: No, you just go right ahead and rub those sticks together. I'll just go learn a language or something.
LORELAI: (to Luke) Bernardo.
SOOKIE: (to Jackson) Riff.
LUKE: And a real man doesn't use a charcoal chimney.
JACKSON: Oh, so now I'm not a real man?
SOOKIE: He is too. I have pictures to prove it.
JACKSON: Do you have a spray bottle?
LUKE: For what?
JACKSON: To spray the flames down if they get too high. Or do you just use a hose?
LORELAI: No, he blows them out with his man-breath.
SOOKIE: And then he challenges them to an arm-wrestling contest.
LORELAI: And then he insults the flame's mother and sleeps with its girlfriend. (the men exit the kitchen through the kitchen door) And the next time you come back, you better be carrying food!
SOOKIE: OK. Boys are busy. The chicken's in the oven. Show me the bedroom set.
LORELAI: Sookie.
SOOKIE: I want to see the creepy granny bed.
LORELAI: Oh, I'm trying to rise above it.
SOOKIE: Rise above it later. Let's go. (they start walking towards upstairs)
(CUT to bedroom, continuous. Sookie and Lorelai enter)
LORELAI: Here it is.
SOOKIE: Huh.
LORELAI: It's terrible, right?
SOOKIE: Well, it's...
LORELAI: Terrible?
SOOKIE: Reeeeally terrible.
LORELAI: I told you.
SOOKIE: (sits on the bed) Ow. Oh, my god. (she lies back starts trying to roll around a bit to test it) You can't sleep in this.
LORELAI: Don't worry, I won't. I'm convinced it's haunted, and one night Luke will come back from the bathroom and find nothing but a bloody hook hanging from the cherubs.
SOOKIE: Oh, my God. I just saw the cherubs. (gasps, gets up quickly and stands next to Lorelai) OK, let's think. Maybe if you stripped the wood.
LORELAI: And lit a match?
SOOKIE: Throw on a little gasoline.
LORELAI: I can't tell him I hate it.
SOOKIE: Yeah, you have to. It's horrible.
LORELAI: Yes, but Luke loves this furniture.
SOOKIE: Right. Luke loves this furniture. Luke loves this furniture. Luke loves this furniture?
LORELAI: Yes.
SOOKIE: Has he seen it? (pointing at the dresser) Has he seen this? And that (pointing at one of the paintings) has he seen that? (from downstairs the phone starts to ring)
LORELAI: (chuckles) Come on. (they start to exit)
SOOKIE: (while walking towards the door points at the bedside table with a lamp on it) Oh, now, I know he hasn't seen that.
(CUT to living room, continuous. PA is sitting on the stairs as Lorelai and Sookie walk down. The phone keeps ringing)
SOOKIE: I'm going to check on the chicken. (as they reach the living room the machine beeps)
CHRIS (On answering machine): Hey, Lor (Sookie and Lorelai look a bit surprised), haven't said that in a while.
SOOKIE: Is that... (Lorelai nods)
CHRIS (On answering machine): Anyway, hope you're good. Hope Rory is good. I wanted to talk to you. Nothing terrifying. I think I have good news. (Luke starts to walk in from the kitchen and as he hears the message he stops) In fact, I know I have good news. (Lorelai notices Luke and quickly goes to turn off the machine) Anyhow I'm hoping you'll call me back and...
LORELAI: Hey. How's the food coming? I'm starving.
LUKE: Who was that?
LORELAI: Uuuhh...
LUKE: It sounded like Christopher.
SOOKIE: Bye-bye. (walks away into the kitchen quickly, as Luke moves closer to Lorelai)
LORELAI: Well, if you knew who it was, why'd you ask?
LUKE: Were you going to tell me he called?
LORELAI: Luke, yes.
LUKE: Then why'd you turn the machine off when I walked in?
LORELAI: It was a reflex.
LUKE: Reflex?
LORELAI: Yeah, I panicked. I didn't think. I looked up, and you were standing there.
LUKE: How long has this been going on?
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: You talking to Christopher. I assume it's just talking, right?
LORELAI: Yes. No, no. No talking, no anything. There's nothing going on.
LUKE: Fine. (turns to walk away)
LORELAI: Are you leaving?
LUKE: Burgers are done.
LORELAI: Let's talk about this.
LUKE: I don't want to argue in front of guests.
LORELAI: Last time we were over, Sookie breast-fed Martha during appetizers. We owe them.
LUKE: I won't discuss this with people in the house. It's rude.
LORELAI: No, it's rude to silently sulk through dinner and make them feel uncomfortable because they know we're fighting and we're pretending we're not fighting.
LUKE: We're not fighting...Yet. (Luke walks back into the kitchen)
(CUT to Lorelai's kitchen, night. Lorelai, Luke, Sookie and Jackson are having dinner. Jackson is narrating a story, Sookie is quiet and Lorelai and Luke don't really seem to be into the mood)
JACKSON: So, we're standing in a giant pile of manure, and I am screaming, "I asked for extra fish heads!". And he's like, "No, you did not ask for extra fish heads". Oh, I tell you. It was hilarious! (an awkward pause) And of course all the celery guys are staring, and then "tomato" George - we call him "tomato" George. He's got extra time on his hands right now 'cause tomatoes are out of season - anyhow, he steps in and says, "I don't want to hear another thing about the fish heads". (Jackson chuckles as he expects a reaction from his punch line. He gets none) He's from Kansas.
SOOKIE: The burgers are delicious, Luke.
JACKSON: Oh, yeah, I like them burnt. You can't get anyone to really burn a burger anymore.
LORELAI: The chicken and dumplings are good, too. (Luke looks t Lorelai accusingly) What? (he snorts) Nice snort.
LUKE: I didn't snort.
SOOKIE: (nervously) People in Kansas talk funny. (chuckles to relieve the tension. It doesn't work)
JACKSON: Did I miss something?
SOOKIE: Always, honey.
LORELAI: It's nothing, Jackson.
JACKSON: Oh. I bet I know what's going on.
LUKE: Nothing's going on, Jackson.
JACKSON: Oh, yes, it is. It is not lost on me that the burgers with my world-famous rub are almost gone, while your butter burgers are still sitting there on the plate. You a little humbled now?
SOOKIE: Jackson.
JACKSON: My burgers are better! (to Luke) Admit it! I demand satisfaction.
SOOKIE: Sorry. He's just so excited to be around grown-ups.
JACKSON: Hey.
LUKE: No. That's fine. He's right. His burgers are better.
JACKSON: Thank you. I crown thee burger king.
LUKE: I can admit it. I have no trouble telling someone something no matter how uncomfortable it might make them.
LORELAI: Wow. They'll be debating the subtle complexities of that comment for years.
JACKSON: Okay, I did miss something.
SOOKIE: Lorelai and Luke are fighting.
LUKE: We're not fighting.
LORELAI: No, we don't fight in front of company.
LUKE: It's rude.
LORELAI: Yeah, and we wouldn't want to be rude.
LUKE: It's fine. Just eat. What's that?
LORELAI: Chicken and dumplings?
LUKE: Who the hell made chicken and dumplings?
LORELAI: Sookie, our guest, who we don't want to be rude to.
LUKE: I'm not the one who started this.
LORELAI: I'm sorry. Are we talking about this now?
LUKE: You knew how I'd feel about it...
LORELAI: And you have absolutely no reason to be upset.
LUKE: I don't? You were hiding...
LORELAI: I wasn't hiding anything.
LUKE: You hung up the phone just as I came...
LORELAI: You didn't let me explain. I was about to tell you what happened
LUKE: At that moment, it was not appropriate to talk about it...
LORELAI: So you'd rather just sit and stew and be mad for no reason?
LUKE: So, it was just a weird coincidence that I walk in and Christopher happens to be leaving a message, and it happens to be the first time you've had contact with him in a month?
LORELAI: In a year, Luke! The last time I saw him was the last time you saw him!
LUKE: Well, I don't believe in coincidences.
LORELAI: This is not fair!
LUKE: I have a right to expect honesty from my fiance!
LORELAI: OK! You want honesty? I'll give you honesty. I hate that bedroom set. It's old and creepy, and I hate it.
LUKE: You told me you loved it.
LORELAI: I have absolutely no memory of coming to your storage unit five years ago and telling you I love that furniture. (Sookie and Jackson loon on the argument quiet and uncomfortable)
LUKE: Well thank you very much for your honesty about my grandmother's furniture. Too bad you're not a little more forthcoming about the other men in your life.
LORELAI: Oh, my god. Enjoy Wisteria Lane, you major drama queen.
LUKE: I'm done. (gets up off the table and walks out of the house)
LORELAI: (yelling after him) Wrap yourself in a towel and trip over a hedge on your way out!
SOOKIE: Are you okay?
LORELAI: I'm fine. I'm sorry, you guys. I'll give Paul Anka the burger. (gets up, takes her plate and walks out of the kitchen)
JACKSON: Was it because I brought up my meat rub?
SOOKIE: Yes, it was.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(CUT to Luke's apartment, same night. Luke is sitting on his armchair drinking a beer, and we hear a knock on the door)
LUKE: Come in. (Lorelai enters holding a plate and approaches him)
LORELAI: OK, see...Once we're married, you're not going to be able to run away to your clubhouse anymore. You're going to have to join a rotisserie baseball league with the rest of the men.
LUKE: When we're married, huh? Gee, when's that going to be?
LORELAI: I brought you something to eat. You're going to need sustenance if we're going to go another 10 rounds.
LUKE: I'm never going to be okay with Christopher being in your life.
LORELAI: I'm always going to have Christopher in my life.
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: (sits on the coffee table opposite Luke and puts the plate down) He is... Rory's father. I can't change that. Today was the first day I heard Christopher's voice in a year, and I would have told you.
LUKE: We can't hide things from each other.
LORELAI: I know.
LUKE: I'm not going to like it when Christopher calls, but we have to tell each other everything.
LORELAI: Agreed.
LUKE: That's the only way this is going to work.
LORELAI: I know.
LUKE: You really hate the bedroom set?
LORELAI: Oh, I really hate the bedroom set. But I'm sorry I told you like that.
LUKE: Yeah, well... (takes a deep breath) So, how are Sookie and Jackson doing?
LORELAI: I think they enjoyed watching a show for once that didn't have la-la playing the guitar.
LUKE: Come here.
LORELAI: (sliding over to sit on Luke's lap) I want a barbie and a pony and roller skates and roller skates for the barbie and for the pony. (they kiss)
LUKE: No secrets?
LORELAI: Cross my heart and hope to die.
LUKE: Oh, I hate that saying.
LORELAI: No secrets. (they kiss again) Luke.
LUKE: (gives her peck on the lips) Yeah?
LORELAI: When I was in fifth grade, I told everybody Erik Estrada was my boyfriend and that we used to make out on his motorcycle.
LUKE: Shh. (they kiss again)
(CUT to Stamford Eagle Gazette reception desk, morning. Audrey, the receptionist, is answering several calls, the office looks busy. Rory is sitting by the desk waiting. Stuart Woltz walks quickly to the reception desk and when Rory notices him perks up)
AUDREY: (on phone head set) Stamford Eagle Gazette... I'll transfer you. Stamford Eagle Gazette... I'll transfer you. Stamford Eagle Gazette... I'll transfer you. Stamford Eagle Gazette...I'll transfer you.
STUART: (to Audrey) Did Bergman call?
AUDREY: Stamford Eagle Gazette. (passes a note to Stuart, and then point over at Rory) Try the New York Times.
STUART: What?
AUDREY: Trust me. You want the (points again at Rory) Times.
STUART: (confused) What!? What are you pointing to?
RORY: She's pointing at me. (Rory gets up from her seat as Stuart turns around to see her)
AUDREY: Stamford Eagle Gazette.
STUART: Rory Gilmore.
RORY: As you live and breathe.
STUART: (walks up to her) Uh...I'm sorry. Did we, uh...?
RORY: No, we didn't have an appointment. I thought I would come down and talk to you about a job.
STUART: A job?
RORY: A beginning staff writer job, to be exact.
STUART: OK, I think maybe we got our signals crossed earlier. I thought I was clear. I don't have any jobs available.
RORY: No, you were very clear. You said you didn't have any jobs available, and I heard you. I have excellent hearing, among my many other qualifications, which I have listed here on my resume (gives him a big brown envelope)
STUART: (taking the envelope) Your...?
RORY: And my portfolio. (turns and picks up two huge files) Samples of all my writing. All my work from the Yale Daily News, plus a couple spec pieces that I've just recently finished. Ideas, potential pitches, theatre reviews...(Gives him the files)
STUART: Well, I'm sure this is all...
RORY: Look, I know this is very spur-of-the-moment, but I thought maybe we could find a minute to sit and talk with me.
STUART: About what?
RORY: About a job.
STUART: But I don't have any job openings.
RORY: I know, but see earlier, when we were on the phone, you were so positive and optimistic. You said so many complimentary things. I mean, frankly, you made me sound great, so great that I thought, "Hey, you should hire that girl".
STUART: But...
RORY: I already know most of the staff. The rhythm of this place, how it runs. I know where you keep the pens. I have personally fixed the copier in that coffee room on more than 10 occasions. But the bottom line is... Mitchum was wrong. I am a very good writer, and I have great organizational skills, yes, but I know how to come at an article. I have a point of view. A voice. And - huh, big selling point - I am a huge bargain.
STUART: Rory, these are wonderful points, but I have nothing at this moment.
RORY: If you could sit down and talk with me, I bet we could work that out.
STUART: I have no time to sit and talk with you today. I'm sorry.
RORY: Look, I have sent my resume to several other papers. I'm not worried about finding a position. I'm worried about finding the right position. The right place for me. I think this is the right place for me.
STUART: Well it's not the right place for you, because there is no place for you. I have no job openings.
RORY: Give me ten minutes of your time, and I bet I can change your mind.
STUART: I don't have ten minutes. (gives back her portfolio)
RORY: I would be invaluable to you here.
STUART: If I gave you a job, I'd have to fire Harry. (sets the brown envelope with her resume on top of her portfolio that he?s just handed back to her)
RORY: Five minutes.
STUART: Sorry.
RORY: That's okay. I can wait. (sits back down. Stuart looks at her frustrated for a bit and then walks away)
AUDREY: Stamford Eagle Gazette...Yes, how may I help you?
(CUT to Luke's diner, morning. It seems to be the lunch rush. Luke is running around taking orders and serving customers)
LUKE: (setting two plates on an occupied table) Steaks and eggs, tuna melt.
CUSTOMER1: I ordered onions on this.
LUKE: Yes, you did. I'll be right back. (walks over to the counter and yells into the kitchen) Caesar, I got onions coming.
CUSTOMER2: This is not rare/medium-rare. It's more like just rare.
LUKE: Caesar, onions. Gimme. (takes the plate with the "more like rare" order and passes the plate to Caeser) Add a little medium to this rare.
CAESAR: The stove is going blinky.
LUKE: No excuses. Let's go, go, go. (walks over to another table and prepares to take an order)
CUSTOMER3: Cobb salad, no avocado, no bacon, no blue cheese, Italian dressing on the side.
(outside we see through the window a girl on a bike and a very weird bike helmet on riding up to the diner and parking her bike)
LUKE: Something to drink?
CUSTOMER3: Iced tea, two lemons.
LUKE: Got it. (walks back to the counter to pass the order) Caesar, cobb salad, no cobb, just turkey. Where's that burger? (the girl with the helmet still o her head walks in the diner and goes up to the counter)
CAESER: The stove is going...
LUKE: ...blinky, I know. Use the broiler.
APRIL: (to Luke) Luke Danes? Excuse me. Are you Luke Danes?
LUKE: Yeah, grab a seat. (pouring iced tea in a class) I'll be with you in a moment. (passing the glass to a customer sitting on the counter) Iced tea, two lemons.
CUSTOMER4: But I didn't...
APRIL: You're Luke Danes.
LUKE: (starts to write something on his order pad) Yes, kid, I'm Luke Danes. (notices the funny helmet) What the hell are you wearing?
APRIL: A bike helmet.
LUKE: For what kind of bike?
APRIL: A Schwinn.
LUKE: OK.
APRIL: When you fall off your bike, you fall on your face.
LUKE: Fine.
APRIL: You could lose your teeth or hurt your neck.
LUKE: Whatever. What do you want to eat?
APRIL: Nothing.
LUKE: Then I need the stool space.
APRIL: You told me to sit here.
LUKE: Well, I thought you were going to order something.
CAESER: Burger, rare!
LUKE: Yeah! (runs back up at Caeser, April follows) Where's my onions?
CAESER: I forgot the onions.
LUKE: Get my onions! (passes back the plate and notices April smiling at him. He walks to her on the other side of the counter) Look, kid, whatever you're selling...
APRIL: I'm not selling anything.
LUKE: I know, but I'm working, I'm bus...Will you take that thing off?
APRIL: OK...(starts to take off the helmet. It seems to not be so easy) it takes a minute. (Luke sighs as he waits for her to take the thing off. Finally she does and sets it on the counter) OK...it's off. Can I talk to you now?
LUKE: Talk fast.
APRIL: I need your hair.
LUKE: Excuse me?
APRIL: With the roots.
LUKE: For what?
APRIL: I go to Martin Van Buren Middle School over on Woodbridge. Do you know it?
LUKE: No.
APRIL: Well, every year Samuel Polotsky wins the science fair. Now, it's very important that I beat him this year because I hate him. This year I have the perfect project. I'm going to take hair samples from three men, run DNA tests on them, and figure out which one's my father.
LUKE: What?
APRIL: My uncle works for a lab in Hartford, so he's going to oversee me. But I'll be doing all the actual work myself.
LUKE: I'm sorry. Did you say your father?
APRIL: Yeah, see, science fairs have gotten so political lately. It's no longer the simple act of science being appreciated. There's got to be a twist, a gimmick. Something flashy. I figure this is perfect. Real science, DNA testing, with a flash of human drama. "Who's my daddy?". Huh? Catchy, right?
LUKE: I don't understand. I'm not...
APRIL: I already have the other two samples. This is my last stop. I go to the lab tomorrow, and the fair's on the 16th. And, if I win, there's going to be a banquet on the 18th, and you get to choose any two kinds of spaghetti that you want. There's going to be at least ten options, though I know what I'm getting. Split order, half mushroom, half mizeethra cheese.
LUKE: No!
APRIL: Yes, that's what I'm getting.
LUKE: No. I mean, no. I'm (April reaches out and grabs some hair off Luke)...Ow! (she takes out a camera and takes a picture of him)
APRIL: Thanks. (picks up her helmet and leaves) Wish me luck! (Luke is left looking after her very confused)
(CUT to Stamford Eagle Gazette reception desk, morning. Rory is sitting at the reception desk area reading a paper. Stuart and Harry pass by her and are talking about something work related)
STUART: We can't print the letters, Harry.
HARRY: But if they're true? What if Gonzalez really is taking these payoffs? It would finally make the city-council elections interesting.
STUART: We have no idea who's making these accusations. It could be a hoax. Kids with too much time on their hands, no dates for the prom.
HARRY: Or it could be a rival candidate. Now wouldn't that be fun?
STUART: Yes, that would be fun.
HARRY: Then let's have some fun. (notices Rory) Hey, Rory.
RORY: Hi, Harry. (Stuart notices Rory sitting in the reception area and looks at her surprised. She gets up from her seat and starts to follow them around)
HARRY: OK, so, we don't print the letters, but if we can track down the person who's sending them.
STUART: How?
HARRY: I don't know. We do a paper analysis, rummage through trash cans.
STUART: Very dignified.
HARRY: Or maybe we can just call the guy up. Tell him we know he's sending the letters, lie, see if we can smoke him out.
RORY: You know, you can use language-analysis software to ID an author by comparing his writing style to known writing samples.
HARRY: What?
RORY: Yeah. That's how Joe Klein was unmasked as the author of "Primary Colours."
STUART: Hell, it's worth a try.
HARRY: Great. (Harry walks away looking pleased)
STUART: Good idea, Rory.
RORY: Thanks, boss.
STUART: I'm not your boss.
RORY: Not yet, boss, but give me five minutes of your time...
STUART: I don't have five minutes. (starts to walk away from her)
RORY: OK, I can wait.
STUART: Oh, boy.
RORY: (calls after him) You know where to find me. (watches Stuart walk away for a bit and then turns around to leave)
(CUT to Dragonfly Inn, morning. Michel is organising the bookshelves. Lorelai walks in with more books in her hand)
LORELAI: More books.
MICHEL: Urgh. What is wrong with people? Don't they know the written word is dead?
LORELAI: Uh, books are back. Oprah says. Did we order the new box slips yet?
MICHEL: Yes, and the envelopes. And the linen-delivery service has been replaced by one that actually has trucks that turn on. And I hired a horse whisperer because Cletus has been acting very needy lately, and I get enough of that from you.
LORELAI: Well, you're just perfect.
MICHEL: Oh. And I got a call from someone who wanted a job reference for Rory.
LORELAI: What?
MICHEL: Don't worry. I said nice things. I did not mention how she used to steal stamps and sit in my chair. I said she was very responsible and a hard worker, and now you owe me the weekend off.
LORELAI: A job reference?
MICHEL: Yes.
LORELAI: From who?
MICHEL: Excuse me?
LORELAI: Who was calling? Who was inquiring? Who was asking?
MICHEL: Someone who needed to hire someone.
LORELAI: What kind of job was it?
MICHEL: I don't know.
LORELAI: What was the name of the company?
MICHEL: he told me but I do not remember.
LORELAI: Michel.
MICHEL: What? I'm not an answering machine. I do not have "Sony" stamped on my forehead.
LORELAI: Miche... (her cellphone starts ringing) Forget it. Hello?
(CUT to Gilmore mansion, continuous. Richard is on the phone. The scene cuts between Lorelai at the Dragonfly and Richard back at the mansion)
RICHARD: Lorelai, your mother's missing.
LORELAI: What?
RICHARD: I came home from Seattle, and she wasn't here. The bed doesn't look like it's been slept in.
LORELAI: You have maids, dad. They probably made the bed.
RICHARD: Your mother fired the maid. As far as I know, a new one hasn't been hired yet. Plus, I haven't heard from her in two days. I had a couple of phone calls yesterday, but they were fuzzy. I couldn't hear the other person, and then they hung up.
LORELAI: Well, that could have been mom.
RICHARD: Rory's moved out. Did you know this?
LORELAI: Yes, I heard. What happened?
RICHARD: Oh, I don't know what happened. I came home the other day and two strange boys were in my house moving Rory's things. She didn't even tell me she was going.
LORELAI: Did she and mom fight?
RICHARD: How would I know? I don't know where your mother is.
LORELAI: Did you call her cell?
RICHARD: No, I did not call her cell. In addition to losing my wife, I lost all control of my faculties. Of course I called her cell!
LORELAI: Well I don't know what to tell you dad. I haven't heard from mom or Rory.
RICHARD: I'm calling the club. If you hear anything, you must call me immediately.
LORELAI: I will.
RICHARD: Don't be smart.
LORELAI: I'm not being smart. If I hear anything, I'll call.
RICHARD: Fine. (they hang up, and Lorelai goes to the Inn's kitchen)
(CUT to Dragonfly Inn kitchen, continuous. Sookie is cooking as Lorelai walks in heading for the coffee maker clearly distracted)
SOOKIE: Hey. What's wrong? Is something wrong? (walks up to Lorelai) Are you upset? Did Luke bring home his great-aunt's living room set?
LORELAI: I don't want coffee.
SOOKIE: OK, well, that's your choice.
LORELAI: Something's going on, Sookie.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: I don't know. Rory moved out, and my mother is awol. So they must have had a fight or something. Something happened there, something big. And of course I don't have Rory's cellphone number because I had to give her space like a big, stupid idiot. (takes her cellphone out and dials someone) I should have my head examined. Remind me to have my head examined.
SOOKIE: Wait...Rory moved out?
LORELAI: And my mother is missing, and my father's a basket case, and I don't know what to think. (on phone) Hi, mom, it's Lorelai. You have got to call me when you get this message. OK. Dad is frantic, and we don't know where you are, so just call my cellphone as soon as possible. We just want to know that everything's all right. OK, bye.
SOOKIE: What do you think all that's about?
LORELAI: I don't know, but I'm going to go find out. (exits the kitchen through the back door and Sookie returns to her cooking)
(CUT to outside, morning. Lorelai is walking up to Lane's apartment. We hear music coming from inside. Lorelai knocks the music stops and Brian answers the door. Zach is also in the house)
BRIAN: Hey, Lorelai.
LORELAI: Hey. Brian, I'm looking for Rory.
BRIAN: Oh, she's not here.
LORELAI: She is staying here?
BRIAN: Right.
ZACH: And if you see her, you might want to mention that we're mysteriously out of dish soap.
BRIAN: We're also out of sponges.
ZACH: We are? You didn't tell me we were out of sponges. Lorelai, come on.
LORELAI: Come on what, Zach?
ZACH: I'm just saying. She's your daughter. Maybe you should chip in a little rent.
LORELAI: Zach, didn't you guys use my garage as rehearsal space, rent free, for about two years?
BRIAN: Three, actually.
LORELAI: Three years. Thank you, Brian. Yeah, so, I'll tell you what, Zach. Why don't I give you $40 for Rory, and you can give me $1,200 for the garage? What do you think? We got a deal?
ZACH: Hey, whoa, relax. I was just joking. We're cool. (Lorelai cell starts ringing)
BRIAN: You wanna to come in and wait for her?
LORELAI: I'm good. Thanks for the offer. (gets her phone out and answers it) Hello?... Mom, thank God. Have you called dad?... Where are you?...What? What are you... OK, just stay there, mom...Now, what was the hangar number again?
(CUT to inside plane, morning. Lorelai comes on the plane seeking Emily)
LORELAI: Mom?
EMILY (OS) : I'm in the cockpit!
LORELAI: Oh. Add that to the list of things I never thought I'd hear my mother say.
EMILY: (comes out from the cockpit and starts to examine the plane) Well, hello, Lorelai. What are you doing here?
LORELAI: Oh, I was just in the neighbourhood, you know. How about you? What are you doing here?
EMILY: I'm looking at a plane.
LORELAI: Because?
EMILY: Because you don't do something like buy a plane without looking at it first. I'm not Elvis.
LORELAI: Ah. My mistake. I thought you were. I apologize for sending those policemen badges for Christmas. Mom, dad is pretty worried about you.
EMILY: He is?
LORELAI: Yes, he said you didn't come home last night.
EMILY: I didn't?
LORELAI: Well, he said the bed looked like hadn't been slept in, and you're between maids.
EMILY: Oh, for heaven's sake! I did that. People don't even think I can make a bed? I can make a bed. I usually wind up remaking the bed after the maid makes it because she made it wrong the first place. I wonder if these seats could be moved around.
LORELAI: Mom.
EMILY: Yes?
LORELAI: You're not going to buy a plane.
EMILY: Tell your father I'm fine and I'll be home in an hour.
LORELAI: Mom.
EMILY: If you're not going to leave, then help. (takes a measuring tape and gives one end to Lorelai) Hold this up to the window. This plane is a time-share. We'll share it with three other people. The pilot is always on call, which means we can go anywhere we want at the drop of a hat.
LORELAI: Where would you want to go at the drop of a hat?
EMILY: Anywhere, everywhere. I could travel with your father when he works.
LORELAI: You can do that now.
EMILY: Well, I can join him later if I don't want to leave when he leaves.
LORELAI: You can do that now.
EMILY: Well, you and Luke can borrow it. You can take it up to Maine for lobster rolls or down to Florida for some sun. This fabric is just horrible. It has to go. It all has to go.
LORELAI: Mom, you can't replace the fabric.
EMILY: (mocking tone) "Mom, you can't replace the fabric! Mom you can't buy a plane".
LORELAI: It's a time-share. You have to share it with three other people.
EMILY: Then I'll buy the whole damn plane myself!
LORELAI: OK, sorry.
EMILY: You know what? I am tired of all this. I am tired of your attitude toward me. You look at me as a thing of amusement...
LORELAI: I don't.
EMILY: ...Something to be pitied. To feel sorry for. "Poor, out-of-touch Emily. She has nothing. She lives to organize parties and frivolous affairs. Who would want to do that? To be that?".
LORELAI: Mom, I've never thought that.
EMILY: If I want a plane, I'll buy a plane!
LORELAI: OK! Good! Go for it.
EMILY: It's my fault that Rory dropped out of Yale. It's my fault that she didn't go back. It's my fault that she's with Logan. It's my fault that she's not happy. It's my fault. It's all my fault.
LORELAI: It's not your fault.
EMILY: That's right, it's not my fault! I did nothing but take care of her. I bought her clothes. I got her a job. I guided her. I threw parties for her and introduced her to new people, new things, and she just... The way she talked to me, you would have been very proud.
LORELAI: No.
EMILY: Oh, yes. She looked at me just like you used to. With that defiant, "who are you to be telling me what to do?" sort of look. Then she left. Packed her things and moved out when I wasn't even there to see her go. No "thank you", no "goodbye". You would have been very, very proud.
LORELAI: Mom.
EMILY: Just let me buy my plane, Lorelai. Let me be frivolous and shallow, won't you, please?
LORELAI: OK. (starts to exit, but turns around) It's not the same, mom, what happened with Rory. It's not the same.
EMILY: I lost her like I lost you. Feels remarkably similar to me.
LORELAI: You didn't lose her like you lost me. She was never supposed to be there in the first place, she was always supposed to be at school. She just went back where she belonged. (turns) And you didn't lose me. (exits. Emily sits on one of the chairs and starts to cry)
(CUT to Stamford Eagle Gazette reception desk, morning. Rory comes out from the coffee room holding two paper cups. She gives one to Audrey who's on the phone)
AUDREY: (on phone) You're going to have to take that up with Mr.Abrams. Hold, please.
RORY: Three sugars, non-fat milk.
AUDREY: Thank you, sweetheart. (they both sip) God, you make good coffee.
RORY: I've had years of training. You got someone on hold. (leaves to sit down)
AUDREY: Right. (on phone) Thank you for calling. How may I help you? (Stuart walks up to Rory not looking too pleased)
STUART: Rory Gilmore.
RORY: (perking up) Yes, boss?
STUART: (holding up one of the huge files) Is this your portfolio?
RORY: Part of it. I've got more here if you need it. (picks up a seemingly heavy book bag) Clippings and pitches...
STUART: You do not go into other people's offices and leave things on their desks.
RORY: I know. I'm sorry.
STUART: I'm the editor of this paper. For God's sake, my office is private!
RORY: And very tidy.
STUART: Stay out of my office. (gives her the file and starts to walk away. Rory looks a bit upset. He turns around) Five minutes.
RORY: You read it?
STUART: I don't see you moving.
RORY: Did you like it?
STUART: I remember something about you being a bargain? (walks back to his office)
RORY: (following him) Oh, thank you, boss. You won't be sorry, boss. Hey, you're not going to have to fire Harry, are you?
(CUT to science fair, morning. Luke walks in and starts looking around the booths. He spots April at her booth reading a book. He walks up to her and notices his picture on the top of the booth is circled while there are two other pictures of two other men who's faces are crossed out. She looks up from her book and notices him)
APRIL: Hi?
LUKE: Hi.
APRIL: What are you doing here?
LUKE: Oh, I just came down to see the potato clock.
APRIL: Hmm.
LUKE: It's amazing a potato can do that.
APRIL: Potatoes are extraordinary.
LUKE: So, I guess, uh...
APRIL: Yeah. It's you.
LUKE: And you're sure?
APRIL: Absolutely. You want to see my report? (gives him the report)
LUKE: Uh, yeah. (he takes it and starts going through it a bit) Oh. It's big. (chuckles a bit) Wow, you...sure wrote a lot of...things here. Hey, wait. There's a word in here I know. (chuckles again a little more nervously) So, you're, uh...smart, huh?
APRIL: I've never been tested.
LUKE: But you...you did all this, so you must be smart. (looks at the cover of the report) April Nardini? So, your last name is Nardini?
APRIL: Yes.
LUKE: So, your mom is... (putting two and two together) Anna.
APRIL: Yes.
LUKE: Oh, Anna. Wow. I haven't seen Anna in...
APRIL: ...about 12 years?
LUKE: Yeah. So, uh...how is she? Is she good?
APRIL: Yes.
LUKE: Well, you know, that's...Anna Nardini. Oh, boy. Uh, I think I...I have to sit down.
APRIL: You want my stool.
LUKE: Yeah, thanks. (April gets up, Luke sits) Thanks...I'm just, uh, a little overwhelmed here.
APRIL: You want a capri sun?
LUKE: No, that's OK. So, I'm your father.
APRIL: Yes.
LUKE: I didn't know about you.
APRIL: I know.
LUKE: If I did, I would have, uh...(some people pass by and notice Luke under his picture. Luke to them) Yeah, it's...it's me. Hi. I...I think I'm better now. (get up from the stool)
APRIL: Are you sure?
LUKE: Yeah. That's fine.
APRIL: OK. (sits back)
LUKE: So, sorry you didn't win.
APRIL: It's okay.
LUKE: I feel a little responsible.
APRIL: The solar pizza oven took first. Environmentalism is very in right now.
LUKE: Right, well...Oh. Here. (hand her the report)
APRIL: Oh, you can keep it. I've got copies.
LUKE: OK, thanks. (exhales uncomfortably) So, you want to get some ice cream or something?
APRIL: I can't. The winners have to give a presentation at six.
LUKE: Right. (with a "not so sure" expression on his face) Should I stay?
APRIL: Why?
LUKE: Right. OK. So, I guess...I'll go.
APRIL: OK. Thanks for coming by.
LUKE: Yeah. Thanks for the report. I'll pick up a scientific dictionary on the way home, see if I can figure out what it says.
APRIL: Norton makes a good one.
LUKE: Norton! Got it. OK. OK. (clears his throat) OK. (walks away)
(CUT to Lorelai's house, night. Paul Anka is sitting on the staircase doing noting. Lorelai aimlessly walks around the house and sits on the couch. She turns on the TV and then after a bit turns it off. Picks up a magazine and goes through it for a bit but closes it not long after. She picks up one of PA's balls and calls him)
LORELAI: Hey. Paul Anka. Huh? Fetch! (throws the ball. PA does nothing) Ah, that's it. Let it get a head start. (the telephone starts to ring and Lorelai quickly picks it up) Yes, hello?
RORY: (on the phone) Mom?
LORELAI: Rory!?
RORY: (on the phone) I got a job!
LORELAI: What? Where?
(CUT to Rory in her car, continuous. Scene changes between Rory in her car and Lorelai at home)
RORY: At the Stamford Gazette. It pays less than I'll spend on gas to get there, but it's a job! A writing job.
LORELAI: Yes!
RORY: And I'm going back to Yale. I already called them and talked to my Dean, and it's all arranged. I just have to find someplace to live, but, who cares. I'll figure it out.
LORELAI: And this is what you want?
RORY: Yes!
LORELAI: Are you sure?
RORY: Yes!
LORELAI: Aw, Rory!
RORY: I moved out of grandma's house.
LORELAI: Yeah, I know. I heard.
RORY: Are you home?
LORELAI: Oh, no, I'm not.
RORY: OK, I know you're home, but can I come over?
LORELAI: Yes! Yes! Come over!
RORY: 'Cause I'm staying at Lane's, and I don't know if you want me to, but...
LORELAI: Tell Lane you're moving out and get your butt over here right now.
RORY: Well, okay, if you insist. (takes a turn)
LORELAI: Oh... (hears a car approaching from outside and goes over to the window. She sees Rory's car pulling in the driveway) Oh, my God.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: You look just so much more silver than I remembered. (camera follows Lorelai as she walk to the door to go outside and great Rory)
RORY: Now, come on. Is it too much to expect after a lengthy separation to get some sort of heartfelt greeting? (Lorelai comes out from the house, Rory gets out of the car and they run to each other arms -Lorelai throws the phone on the lawn- and fall into a warm and tight hug) I'm sorry.
LORELAI: You're sorry? I'm sorry.
RORY: I was so mixed-up.
LORELAI: I should have pulled you out of there.
RORY: I was stupid.
LORELAI: No, I was stupid.
RORY: I was more stupid.
LORELAI: Oh, boy. Time to get you back to Yale.
RORY: Love you, mom.
LORELAI: Oh...kid, you have no idea. (they hug tighter)
(CUT to Luke's diner, night. Luke seems distracted as he's wiping one of the tables. Lorelai comes rushing in all excited)
LORELAI: Rory's back.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: She's back. She's back at home, she's back at school, she got a job, and she did it all on her own. (goes behind the counter and starts putting some donats in a take-out container) She's at Lane's picking up her things, and then we're going to pull a major all-nighter. We need burgers, fries, onions rings, and anything else you can think of. Oh! I'm going to go next door and pick up some ice cream at Taylor's. (walks out from behind the counter and up to Luke) She's back. (she kisses him) We can set the date. We can get married now because Rory's back. (goes over to the diner door) Don't skimp on the fries. We don't want to lose her again. (she exits and Luke is left alone and looking miserable)
END Of Episode 6.09 - The Prodigal Daughter Returns | Plan: A: salt; Q: What is the common ingredient in tomatoes? A: Rory; Q: Who comes home to the Gilmore girls? A: a super-smart middle schooler; Q: Who shows up at Luke's Diner with a startling idea for a science-fair project? Summary: Like meat and potatoes, like salt and tomatoes, the Gilmore girls belong together: Rory comes home. And a super-smart middle schooler shows up at Luke's Diner with a startling idea for a science-fair project. |
"Tess, Lies and Videotape" 18th Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 1ADA17
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Episode starts out at the Crashdown with Max and Isabel sitting at the counter. Liz is working.)
Max: Uh, Miss.
Liz: Uh, yes, sir?
Max: Refill, please.
Liz: It would be my pleasure.
Isabel: God, do you have to do that?
Max: What?
Isabel: Be so public. I mean, it's kind of creepy.
(Sheriff Valenti walks in.)
Liz: Oh, um, hi. Can I help you, Sheriff?
Sheriff: Just the usual, Miss Parker.
Liz: All righty, here you go, Sheriff.
Sheriff: Thank you. Folks have a nice night.
(Michael walks up from the kitchen.)
Michael: He knows.
Max: What does he know?
Michael: He's got the orb.
Max: Which proves nothing. And if you hadn't taken it out of the apartment in the first place...
Michael: Oh, yeah, it's always my fault.
Isabel: Blaming each other is not going to change anything. So Valenti now has something from our planet in his possession.
Liz: Even though he has it, he doesn't know what it is, right?
Max: We don't even know what it is.
(Tess suddenly appears at Liz's elbow.)
Tess: What what is? Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything.
Isabel: No, no. Hey we were just... um... Why don't you join us? Have a seat.
Tess: Thanks.
Isabel: Sure.
Tess: So, what were you guys talking about?
Liz: Can I get you something to drink, Tess?
Tess: Oh, thanks. Uh, Cherry coke with lime.
(Max is staring at Tess, and he gets a flash of them standing hand in hand in the desert.)
Tess: What's the matter? Do I have something in my teeth?
Max: What? No. Let me help you with that.
(Max and Liz go into the kitchen.)
Liz: Max, look, I have to get back to work.
Max: Shh, Liz, just...
(They kiss.)
Max: I just really needed to do that.
Liz: `K.
(They kiss again, but Max has a flash/dream that he's kissing Tess.)
Liz: Max. Max. Max. Where'd you go? Did you have another flash?
Max: Yeah. No. No, I'm fine. I'm just tired, I guess. I'm sorry.
Liz: That's ok. Look, I gotta get back to work. I'll see you later.
(Opening Credits)
(Sheriff Valenti is on the phone in his office. He's holding the orb)
Sheriff: Topolsky. T-O-P-O-L-S-K-Y. Yeah, I know. She's a patient there. Well then, get permission. Put Dr. Margolin on the phone. This is important. He'll know what it's about. Alright, fine. I'll leave a message. Sheriff James Valenti...Roswell, New Mexico. I have to talk to her.
(In a hallway at school)
Alex: Tess. Hey, Isabel.
Isabel: Hi, Alex.
Tess: He's got it so bad for you.
Isabel: He's sweet.
Tess: Sweet as in nice guy, or sweet as in potential love connection?
Isabel: Sweet as in I don't know. What about you? You've been here a couple of weeks. You must have somebody in your radar.
Tess: Still soaking it all in. Although I have to admit, I'm a little bummed your brother is unavailable. I'm sort of into those serious mooded guys.
Isabel: Yeah, well, you can forget it. He's a total goner. You should hear him talk about her. "Oh Liz is my soul mate. I never felt like this before." It's enough to make you want to gag.
Tess: That's weird. I thought I felt him...
Isabel: What?
Tess: Nothing. I'm sure it was nothing.
(In BioLab.)
Teacher: Combustibility. When two or more chemical elements become easily aroused culminating in oxidation and eventually burning. Since you're obviously so eager, Mr. Evans, I'd like you to come up and be Miss Harding's lab partner. I'm sure with your help, she'll be caught up in no time.
(Max goes to the front of the room, and grabs Tess off her stool, kisses her wildly as he lays her down on the teachers desk.)
Tess: Max, you're on fire. Oh, Max. You're on fire.
(He snaps out of his dream.)
Tess: Max. You're on fire.
(In the girls' bathroom.)
Maria: Liz, Max was on fire.
Liz: No, Maria, it was an accident.
Maria: No, really, I did not like the way she was looking at him.
Liz: Maria, Max and I are together now, and I don't have anything to worry about.
(In the boys' bathroom.)
Max: Michael, I'm worried.
Michael: You should be.
Max: It's not about Valenti. It's about Tess, Isabel's friend. I'm having these daydreams about her.
Michael: Daydreams?
Max: Yeah, where we're together...you know, together.
Michael: I guess you're only human after all, huh?
(In the girls' bathroom.)
Maria: Max isn't human. What if Czechoslovakians can't resist temptation?
Liz: Ok, so what you're saying is that this not only a romantic problem now, it's, you know, intergalactic. Come on, Maria. Don't you get it? You know, Max and I... we're really... we're really happy together, and...
(In the boys' bathroom.)
Max: It's me. I'm the problem. Something's happening to me.
Michael: Haven't you ever had a fantasy before?
Max: This is different. It's out of my control. I can't stop it.
Michael: We'll work it out.
Max: Thanks for the compassion.
Michael: Valenti has the communicator, and we need to do something about it. This isn't the time for your s*x fantasies.
Max: Michael, I'm telling you, there's something weird about this. It's like she knows something about me that she shouldn't know. I mean, who is she?
Michael: Can you focus? I mean, focus on what's important here, Maxwell.
Max: Forget about it? Why did I think you'd be any help?
(At the Valenti residence.)
Kyle: Pass the ball. Pass it. Come on, man!
(The phone rings)
Sheriff: Yeah? Bethesda, Maryland? Yeah, thank you.
Kyle: Hello. I was watching that.
Newscaster: Unfortunately the news tonight out of Bethesda, Maryland is not good.
Sheriff: I'm sorry. This is important.
Newscaster: We're still here on the scene of this tragic fire at the Bethesda Psychiatric Institute where six patients are now confirmed dead. Officials are still investigating the cause of the blaze, and arson has not yet been ruled out. We'll be keeping you updated throughout the night with more information from the local police and fire department as it comes. This is Thania St. John reporting live.
Sheriff: Dr. Margolin, please. Yeah, I know about the fire. This is an emergency.
Margolin: This is Dr. Margolin.
Sheriff: Doctor, this is Sheriff Valenti.
Margolin: Who?
Sheriff: Jim Valenti...Roswell New Mexico.
Margolin: Oh, yeah, you called before. What do you want?
Sheriff: Yeah, I'm trying to get in touch with Kathleen Topolsky.
Margolin: I'm sorry, Sheriff, but I'm afraid Kathleen Topolsky was one of the victims of the fire.
Sheriff: Doctor, has anything happened since our meeting last week that makes you think this fire might have been set to do her harm?
Margolin: Our meeting?
Sheriff: Here in Roswell. You came looking for Ms. Topolsky.
Margolin: Listen, Sheriff, I don't know who you are, and I've never been to Roswell, New Mexico in my life.
(At the UFO Museum.)
Max: We're not open yet, Sheriff.
Sheriff: I think I know how you feel now.
Max: What do you mean?
Sheriff: Not having anyone to talk to. Something tearing you up inside. Not being able to get it off your chest.
Max: Is that what you need to do, Sheriff?
Sheriff: Last night there was a fire in the psychiatric hospital in Bethesda, Maryland where Kathleen Topolsky was being treated, and she was killed. They say it was accidental.
Max: But you don't believe that.
Sheriff: Do you? Do you remember Dr. Margolin, psychiatrist who came out to get her that night? I talked to him last night. He didn't have the foggiest idea who I was. Never been to Roswell in his life. So who was he, Max? I mean the guy that was standing right there... right there in front of us? Who was he? And how the hell did he look like a doctor who was three thousand miles away? There was a crazy thing my father used to talk about... something called a shape-shifter... someone who could take on the form of another person.
Max: There's no such thing as a shape-shifter.
Sheriff: What if there is, Max? What is everything Topolsky told us was true? I mean, the Special Unit of the FBI... Pierce, the alien hunter...What if he just killed Topolsky and six completely innocent people. This is serious Max. People are dying. That list Topolsky talked about...Liz Parker's on that list. Your sister, Isabel's on the list... Michael, Maria, Alex... I'm on the list. You're not the only one in danger here...we all are. We need to help each other now. And you need to trust me, `cause somebody's out there right now. And anywhere you turn, he could be watching you.
(Michael's apartment. There's a hidden camera recording him.)
(At the school. Michael is sneaking into the Administrative Records room.)
Michael: What the hell are you doing here?
Maria: I saw you sneaking in. What are you doing here?
Michael: Nothing.
Maria: Michael, if you want to be a couple, you've got to learn how to trust me. `K, that's how a relationship works. No secrets. So either give it to me straight, or you're not going to be giving it to me at all.
Michael: Fine, I'm checking out the new girl.
Maria: Tess? Why?
Michael: That's classified.
Maria: Does this have anything to do with Max? I knew it.
Michael: I'm just helping Max out, ok? It's not a big deal.
Maria: I thought we were a team.
Michael: What do you mean?
Maria: We've always investigated as a team.
Michael: Well, take it easy, Sherlock. When I find something, I'll let you know. Shhh.
Maria: Shhh.
(Michael is walking down a residential street. He goes up to one of the houses, and looks in the window. It's empty. A military vehicle pulls up and three guys get out and go into the house.)
(At the Crashdown.)
Liz: So listen, you know that assignment we have for BioLab?
Max: Yeah?
Liz: It was kinda left a little unclear whether Mr. Steigman wanted you to be Tess' lab partner for the day or from now on.
Max: I'm sure he didn't mean it.
Liz: Because, if you're going to be her lab partner, I'm kinda stuck without a partner so, I need to know.
Max: Well, I guess we'll just have to ask Mr. Steigman.
Liz: Right. It's just that we used to have an even number of students, and now that Tess is here, it's odd... it's an odd number. So, someone is going to be stuck without a partner, you know, mathematically.
Max: Could we just stop talking about Tess?
Michael: Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Can we talk?
Max: I'll be right back.
Liz: Ok.
Michael: She's a liar.
Max: Who?
Michael: Tess. I went to her house.
Isabel: You went to her house? Why?
Michael: I was passing by. The point is: it was empty. Not a single box. They don't live there. It's a cover.
Isabel: She did just move in, Michael. I can't believe I finally find a friend, and you just assume she's out to get us.
Michael: There were military people there, Isabel.
Isabel: Military people? Come on, Michael.
Michael: Two men with briefcases and suits, and one with an M-16. They don't work at the cheese factory.
Isabel: I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation.
Michael: What?
Max: Nothing.
Michael: Maxwell.
Max: Valenti came to me this morning. Topolsky was killed in a fire. He thinks everything Topolsky told us could be true, the alien hunter...everything.
Michael: Why the hell didn't you tell us?
Max: I didn't know if it was true. I didn't want anyone to panic and do something stupid.
Michael: Hey, I'm trying to figure out which problem to panic over: you having secret meetings with Valenti or your new girlfriend Tess bringing the Army to town. You asked for my help.
Max: Not exactly the kind of help I was looking for.
(Valenti walks in. He returns the orb.)
Sheriff: Before you can expect somebody to trust you, you've got to trust them first. Whenever you're ready, Max.
(He leaves.)
Michael: You're just making new friends all over the place, aren't you, Max? We need to do something about Tess.
Isabel: I'll check it out.
(At the Harding residence.)
Tess: Hi, come on in.
Isabel: How are you?
Tess: Doing good. I'm sorry about all the mess. The movers finally got here. We've been waiting for a week. I'm so glad to get out of the Tumbleweed Inn.
Isabel: This is incredible.
Tess: That's a landed Buddha from the Republic of Mirama. It's really old.
Mr. Harding: Over three hundred years. I thought I'd help you out, honey.
Tess: Thanks, daddy. He loves collecting all this junk from all over the world.
Mr. Harding: It isn't junk, Sweetie. So this must be the Isabel my Tessie's been raving about, huh?
Isabel: It's nice to meet you, Mr. Harding.
Mr. Harding: Oh, please..."Mr. Harding"...it makes me sound like my father. It's the 21st century after all, call me Ed.
Isabel: Ok, Ed. So, what is it that you do that takes you to all these places?
Mr. Harding: Well, if I tell you, I'd have to kill you.
Tess: He always says that. He thinks he's so funny.
Mr. Harding: I'm sorry, Isabel. Every once in awhile, I like to think of my job as glamorous.
Tess: Daddy works with the Army...tells them how to run things. That's why we're here in Roswell.
Mr. Harding: I'm helping them convert their abandoned base facilities into storage units. Glamorous it ain't. Be careful with that. That's an antique. Excuse me girls.
Tess: Oh, let me show you where that goes.
Isabel: Here, I'll get this one.
Tess: Put that down. I mean, you're my guest. You certainly shouldn't be doing any heavy lifting. Um, why don't I go get us a soda?
Isabel: Ok.
Mr. Harding: What is she doing here?
Tess: She's my friend. She showed up.
(Nighttime. It's raining and Max is standing outside the Crashdown where Liz is closing up.)
Liz: What's going on, Max?
Max: I wanna talk.
Liz: About what?
Max: Liz, about what Michael said before, about Tess, I just...I want you to know that I don't feel anything for her. I look at you, and I know you're the person I'm supposed to be with. I've always known it. What happened here that day, when you got shot, and how that brought us together...it's fate. Look at me. You're the one, Liz...the only one. I could never be with anyone else.
(He leaves.)
(Outside the Crashdown, Tess is waiting for Max.)
Tess: Max! My car broke down. Can you believe it?
Max: No.
Tess: No?
Max: No, I don't believe it.
Tess: What are you talking about?
Max: You planned this.
Tess: I planned what?
Max: To be out here.
Tess: Max, you sound a little crazy.
Max: You're doing something to me.
Tess: Max, my car broke down. I'm waiting for somebody to help me. I didn't plan anything.
Max: I'm with Liz.
Tess: I know you are.
Max: We belong together.
Tess: I'm sure that's true.
Max: I don't want anyone but her.
Tess: I'm sure you don't.
(They kiss. Max has another flash of him and Tess in the desert holding hands. Liz sees them through the door of the restaurant.)
Max: Who are you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
(At Michael's apartment.)
Michael: What are you doing here?
Max: I'm in trouble, Michael. I don't know what's happening to me.
Michael: I'm not in the mood right now, Maxwell.
Max: I kissed Tess.
Michael: You what?
Max: It was like... it was like something was controlling me.
Michael: What's wrong with you?
Max: I'm telling you that it isn't me.
Michael: First you talk to Valenti behind my back, and now you're kissing Tess behind Liz's.
Max: Michael, you've got to listen to me, please. You're the only one I can talk to about this. I'm telling you, there's something else going on!
Michael: Why come to me? Why not go talk to your new buddy Valenti about it, alright?
Max: Would you leave it alone, already? He gave us back the orb. Maybe he isn't just out to get us.
Michael: Yeah, right. Sure. He's on our side. Why don't we just tell him everything?
Max: I didn't tell him anything. Can't you understand that?
Michael: No, the thing I can't understand right now is that I used to admire you. You were solid, someone I could trust. Even more that I could trust myself. And Liz trusted you. I don't know who you are anymore, Maxwell. So, why don't you get the hell out of my house, alright?
Max: No Michael, listen to me.
Michael: Take your hands off of me.
Max: Listen to me! Listen to me! Michael.
(The find a small camera Velcro-ed to the top of Michael's fridge.)
Michael: What the hell is that?
(At the Crashdown.)
Max: It's definitely a camera.
Isabel: Someone's been watching us?
Michael: Valenti.
Max: It's not Valenti, Michael.
Michael: He's sucking you in Max. You don't even know it. He's watching us...always has been. Now he's just using toys.
Max: Expensive toys. This would wipe out the budget for the Roswell PD for the entire year.
Michael: Maybe it's Tess and her father. If they're FBI, they'd have access. We should check the out some more.
Isabel: I already have. Her house was empty because they were waiting for the movers. They were staying at a hotel. Their stuff hadn't come yet. I saw the moving van. I saw the boxes. And her dad was normal...totally normal...a little dorky, but normal.
Michael: What about the Army van outside her house? And those guys in the suits.
Isabel: He's a consultant for the military. That's his job.
Michael: Yeah, "consultant" is just another fancy word for "spy".
Max: So there's absolutely nothing suspicious?
Isabel: No. Well there was this one thing. I picked up this box of photos to try and help out. She grabbed it from me. She got really weird.
(Liz walks in and walks right past Max.)
Max: Liz?
Isabel: What was that about?
Michael: That guy's got bigger problems than Valenti and the FBI put together.
(At the lockers in the back of the restaurant.)
Max: Liz.
Liz: I saw you, Max.
Max: Liz, it's not what you think.
Liz: How could you kiss her?
Max: I don't know. I don't know what's happening.
Liz: You know all those thing you said to me, Max? Were any of them true?
Max: Liz... Liz, you've got to believe me. It wasn't me. She was there. She was waiting for me.
Liz: Oh, so it's her fault.
Max: Liz, something is going on with her. I'm telling you, something is not right about her.
Liz: Not right about her, Max! What are you talking about?
Max: The way I'm drawn to her, it's not just attraction. It's something else. Please, Liz, you have to have faith in me. In us.
Liz: To have faith?
Max: Yes. Until I figure out what's going on. I'm telling you, when I kissed her, I saw things. I had a flash.
Liz: You had a flash when you kissed her, Max? Like when you kissed me? I guess I'm not so special after all, huh?
(Outside Liz's bedroom. Liz is crying.)
Maria: Liz, are you ok?
Liz: No, no. Not really.
Maria: Michael told me you wanted to talk to somebody. That you needed a friend.
Liz: Max kissed Tess.
Maria: You're kidding! You're not kidding. No way, I cannot believe that. What a jerk. Liz, I'm sorry.
Liz: That's not even like him.
Maria: I just knew something was up with that chick. No, but you're right. That is so not like Max
Liz: I'm so confused, Maria.
Maria: What are you going to do?
Liz: I don't know.
Maria: You know that what ever you do, you know I've got your back, right.
Liz: Yeah, it's like everything I see with my eyes tells me that he's cheating on me. But everything I felt with my heart tells me that he's not.
Maria: I don't know if Max is lying or what, Liz, I just... I know that you usually go with your heart, so...
Liz: I've got to find out what going on.
(In the kitchen at the Crashdown.)
Alex: All right, come check this out.
Michael: Cool how'd you make that work?
Alex: It's a wireless system. It's an integrated camera with an microwave transmitter.
Michael: How'd you know about all this stuff?
Alex: Oh, I love this stuff. Are you kidding? Oh and listen, Michael, I mean... I don't mean to get all warm and fuzzy, but I'm really glad to be able to use what I know to help out... you know with... you know what we're doing.
Michael: Whatever.
Alex: Right. Anyway. It has a polarized high grain antenna with an automatic iris, and a built-in wide-angle lens.
Michael: That explains why my nose looks so big.
Maria: Hey, guys. What's up?
Alex: Hey.
Michael: Nothing.
Maria: What is that, like p0rn, or something? Ooo, I'm not as flat as I thought I was!
Michael: It's a wide-angle lens, so...
Maria: Oh. So, you guys need that for... for what?
Michael: We're using it to spy on Tess, alright?
Maria: Don't you think that's a little drastic? I'm mean we already know they kissed.
Michael: No, we think it's much more than that. We think they're FBI.
Maria: What? What happened to partners? What happened to an even exchange of information, Michael?
Michael: I lied.
Maria: Well, you can't just break into someone's house and plant some camera.
Alex: I've already staked out a position in this abandoned warehouse that's in range.
Maria: No matter who you think these people are, you can't just break into their house. You've got to be smarter than that.
Michael: Well, if you're so smart, why don't you think of something?
(At the Harding residence.)
Tess: Liz!
Liz: Hi, can I come in?
Tess: Sure.
Liz: Thanks. Um, we kinda just need to talk.
Tess: About what?
Liz: About... you know...about Max. Actually, um, have you ever been in love, Tess?
Tess: I've gone out with a lot of guys, but we move around too much for me to get serious with just one.
Liz: I'm in love with Max.
Tess: I'm sorry. I don't know what that has to do with me.
Liz: I saw him kissing you.
Tess: I wish you hadn't. Honestly, I don't know where it came from. It surprised me as much as it did you.
Liz: Ok, look. The reason I came over here, Tess, is that I just the two of us should just, you know, talk about it and get it out in the open. `Cause I know that you're friends with Isabel, and that we would be seeing each other.
Tess: Liz, you're right. I've just started to make friends here. And I like Isabel, but I like you. And the last thing I want to do is wreck that.
Liz: You see, it's just, like, he's never done anything like this before.
Tess: It won't happen again, Liz.
Liz: I wish I could believe that.
Tess: Can I get you anything? A water? A soda?
Liz: A cup of tea would be great.
Tess: Sure.
(She hides the camera under the Buddha statue.)
Liz: Ok the box is here. I'm going to go check it out.
(Mr. Harding walks in.)
Mr. Harding: What are you doing?
Liz: Oh, um, Mr. Harding!
(She knocks over the statue in which she'd hidden the camera.)
(At the warehouse.)
Michael: What happened?
Alex: The camera's dead.
Maria: Oh my God!
(At the Harding residence.)
Liz: I'm sorry, Mr. Harding. Um, you know...I was just admiring it. I didn't mean to...
Mr. Harding: Accidents happen.
Tess: What was that? Oh my God, Dad.
Liz: Please let me just help you clean this up.
Mr. Harding: We'll get it later.
Liz: No, really, I insist.
Mr. Harding: We'll get it later! We were getting ready to have dinner. Why don't you join us?
Liz: Um.
Mr. Harding: Please. I insist.
Liz: Yeah, dinner would be great. Let me just call my mom.
(At the warehouse.)
Michael: We've got to get over there.
Alex: And do what?
Michael: Get her out!
Isabel: You're the one who keeps telling us how dangerous these people are.
Michael: You just want to leave her there?
Maria: No he's right. We've got to do something. We sent her in. We're responsible.
Isabel: What are we supposed to do, just break down the door? What if everything's fine? What if everything's normal?
Michael: Are you willing to take that chance with Liz's life?
Alex: No.
Maria: No.
Michael: Then let's go.
Maria: Wait. You have to promise me that you are not going to do anything crazy. You're not going to put her life in danger.
Michael: I won't.
Alex: Ok, so if we get there and everything seems cool, then let's just let her play it out.
Michael: Good idea.
Isabel: Wait, what about Max?
(At the Evans residence. A phone is ringing.)
Max: Hello?
Liz: Hi, Mom.
Max: Liz?
Liz: Yeah, it's me, Liz. I just wanted to call and let you know that I'm over at Tess' house.
Max: What are you doing at Tess' house?
Liz: Mr. Harding's insisting that I stay for dinner.
Max: Liz, what's going on? Is something wrong?
Liz: Um, you...you know that thing we were talking about yesterday, Mom? You're right.
Max: Liz, stay put, I'll be right there. I won't let anything happen to you.
Liz: That'd be great.
Max: I'll be right there!
Liz: Thanks, Mom.
(Outside the Harding residence.)
Maria: There she is.
Isabel: What are they doing in there?
Alex: Passing the mashed potatoes.
(Inside the Harding residence.)
Mr. Harding: So, Liz, what do your parents do?
Liz: They own a restaurant here in town.
Tess: Liz works there, too.
Mr. Harding: Terrific. What's the name of it?
Liz: Um... The CrashDown.
Mr. Harding: What kind of food do they have?
Tess: Alien specials.
Mr. Harding: Ah. So, do you believe in aliens?
Liz: It's just a theme.
Mr. Harding: So, what do you do when you're not working at the restaurant, Liz?
Liz: I... I'm just busy with schoolwork mostly.
Mr. Harding: And is there a young man in the picture?
Liz: Oh... well...
Tess: Dad!
Mr. Harding: Well, surely a girl as pretty as you must have a boyfriend.
Liz: That's very sweet of you.
Mr. Harding: So what's he like?
Liz: He's just... uhhh..... he... he's a guy.
Mr. Harding: What's his name?
Tess: His name is Max.
(Outside the Harding residence.)
Isabel: Max! How did you know we were here?
Max: I didn't. Liz called me.
Maria: What! When did she call you?
Max: We have to get her out of there!
Michael: We can't go in there.
Max: Why not?
Maria: We could make things worse, that's why not.
Max: How could they be any worse than they already are? If that really is the FBI in there, who knows what they'll do to her?
Michael: And if you go in there, we know what they'll do to you.
Max: That's a chance I'll have to take.
(Inside the Harding residence.)
Mr. Harding: Maybe I should go clean that up, huh?
Liz: Please, let me do that.
Mr. Harding: It's ok.
Liz: No, really. I feel absolutely horrible about it. Um, could I... Could I pay for it?
Mr. Harding: Don't worry. Homeowner's insurance.
Liz: No, please, let me...
Mr. Harding: I said no!
(Doorbell rings. Mr. Harding gets up to answer it. Liz grabs the camera.)
Max: Hi.
Mr. Harding: Hello.
Tess: Max!
Mr. Harding: Max? Liz's Max?
Tess: Dad.
Mr. Harding: How did you know Liz was here?
Max: Actually, I came to see Tess.
Tess: But we have nothing to talk about.
Max: But I think we do.
Tess: Look, whatever you think happened before was a mistake - that you made.
Max: I think we both made a mistake.
Liz: Ok, well whatever happened, it's over now, so let's just go.
Max: Liz, I want you to go so that Tess and I can talk.
Liz: Max, Tess and I have already straightened everything out. I'm not leaving without you.
Max: Well, I guess we should be going then.
Mr. Harding: But the night's not over.
Liz: Yes, it is.
Mr. Harding: Aw, we're going to have to do this again sometime, Liz.
(They leave and meet up with everyone outside.)
Maria: Are you ok?
Liz: You know that box? It is just full of pictures...pictures of Max.
Isabel: Let's go.
(Valenti is hiding in a car taking pictures with a zoom lens of the activities outside the Harding residence.)
(At the Warehouse.)
Max: You put yourself in danger. Thanks for believing in me.
Liz: I went on faith...a lot of it.
Max: I know.
Liz: You know, you still kissed her, Max. I don't know if there'll ever be reason enough to explain that.
Isabel: Max, Michael, come look at this.
Max: What's going on?
Isabel: I'm not sure.
Michael: What the hell.
Liz: Oh, my God.
(Scene fades as everyone sees Tess restoring the broken statue through the video camera) | Plan: A: Ms. Topolsky; Q: Who convinces Michael to meet with her? A: Roswell; Q: Where does Ms. Topolsky return to warn the aliens? A: their friends; Q: Who else does Ms. Topolsky warn? A: A new girl; Q: Who befriends Isabel? A: school; Q: Where does Isabel meet a new girl? Summary: Ms. Topolsky returns to Roswell, warning the aliens and their friends and convinces Michael to meet with her. A new girl as school befriends Isabel. |
Outside the school
Craig: So I turn it over and I'm sure I studied the wrong stuff.
Ashley: I know the feeling. The exam I'm really dreading is science.
Craig: Tell me about it. Science is totally my worst subject.
Dr. Manning: Maybe you need a little help from your old science study partner.
Craig: Dad? What are you, what are you doing here?!
Dr. Manning: I just thought I'd come by and see my son...meet his friends.
Ashley: I'm Ashley Kerwin.
Dr. Manning: Hi Ashley. Nice to meet you...and you?
(Dr. Manning sticks out his hand and Sean spits on the ground.)
Dr. Manning: Can I give you a lift home?
Craig: I live with Joey now.
Dr. Manning: To Joey's. We can catch up on the way.
Craig: Um, I can't.
Dr. Manning: Okay uh I don't know, maybe we could have dinner tomorrow night. You can come by work.
Craig: Dad.
Dr. Manning: Just think about it, okay? I got to go.
Ashley: He seemed nice.
Craig: Yeah well he didn't have a belt in his hand.
Sean: You're not actually gonna go, are you?
At Joey's house
Craig: Tell me again why I need to know about genetics?
Joey: So you can clone me and I can be in a million places at once. I got to take Ang to ballet class-
Craig: -dinner's in the freezer. You two will be home late. I know. If I'm home.
Joey: Ang sweetie finish your cereal. Come on.
Angela: Don't want to.
Joey: Okay well have some orange juice then, okay? Come on.
(She spills the juice all over Craig's work.)
Joey: Ang!
Craig: Angela careful!
(She starts crying.)
Joey: It's okay. No, no honey, it's okay. Daddy's not mad. It's okay. Is the book a goner?
Craig: No. It'll be okay.
Joey: What a mess.
Craig: Yeah this whole place is a mess!
Joey: Well then why don't you earn your allowance today, come home early and clean up around here?
Craig: I'm studying tonight at Sean's.
Joey: Then come home early.
(He picks Angie up and takes her upstairs.)
Joey: It's okay. It's okay.
In Ms. Hatzilakos' class
Ms. Hatzilakos: Okay does anyone have any questions?
Craig: Yeah. What I still don't get is what makes an element a noble gas.
Ms. Hatzilakos: Noble gasses are stable because they have the maximum number of electrons in their outer shell, they don't form compounds very easily, okay?
Craig: Alright thanks.
Spinner: Oh summer without Hatzilakos.
Craig: I'm trying to concentrate okay?
Spinner: But how can anyone concentrate with-
Craig: So shut up!
Spinner: Oh someone's a browner.
Marco: Someone is just in a bad mood.
Craig: Someone just wants to pass his science exam, alright?
Ashley: Is everything okay?
Craig: Yeah.
Ashley: It's just the exams?
Craig: Yeah I wish that was it.
Ashley: Your dad, huh? You two don't have the best relationship?
Craig: Uh no! Sorry. We talk on the phone once in a while, but yesterday...it's the first time I've seen him in months.
Ashley: People can change.
Craig: I guess. In geography class, JT is stuck while taking his test
JT: Psst!
(Liberty gives JT a dirty look and puts her arm over her test before finishing and giving him a smug look.)
Outside the school
Liberty: JT. JT hello?
JT: Uh hi.
Liberty: I know what you're gonna ask, so do you want my tutoring help or not?
JT: Uh yes I do. Will you help me Liberty? Please. Pretty please with a cherry on top.
Liberty: I want one ticket to paradise. Hawaiian surf paradise.
JT: The dance? What? No that's a rip-off.
Liberty: That's the price you'll pay. You want me as a tutor, I want you as a date. Final offer.
JT: Fine. Make it so. At the hospital where Dr. Manning works
Dr. Manning: Mrs. Holland, how are you? Listen to me I've done this operation thousands of times. You're a very healthy woman. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. I guarantee success, okay?
(He sees Craig.)
Dr. Manning: Hey!
Craig: Hey.
Dr. Manning: So you here for dinner?
Craig: Uh yeah if you still want it.
Dr. Manning: Of course I still want it. I'll be right back and we'll go, okay?
Nurse: Craig? Hey!
Craig: Hey.
Nurse: So how's life up at boarding school?
Craig: Boarding school? Um it's you know, it's great.
Nurse: Your dad didn't tell me you were back in town.
Craig: No, uh surprise visit.
Nurse: Well it'll do your father good. That's the first smile I've seen on him since you left.
Dr. Manning: Craiger, you ready?
Craig: Bye.
Nurse: Bye.
At the restaurant
Craig: Good to see everyone at the hospital again, but um dad boarding school?
Dr. Manning: Well I couldn't tell everyone where you went, why...
Craig: Yeah I guess not.
Dr. Manning: You know you leaving was a huge wakeup call for me. I got myself into anger management. I've gotten better. I've gotten a lot better. Everything working out okay at Joey's?
Craig: Right now it's a bit crazy you know 'cause of exams, but-
Dr. Manning: But you can concentrate on your exams? I mean your marks are so important.
Craig: Yeah it's under control, really.
Dr. Manning: Well if you need any help with anything, you let me know.
Craig: I'd have to ask Joey.
Dr. Manning: Especially science. Is that still your worse subject?
Craig: Yeah. Some things never change.
Dr. Manning: Some things do. At Joey's house, Joey and Angie are sitting on the couch
Joey: Let's see. You do have a fever baby.
(Craig walks in.)
Joey: Where have you been Craig? I thought you'd be home a long time ago.
Craig: I got caught up at studying.
Joey: Ang got sick at ballet tonight. I come home, this place is still a disaster!
Craig: Sorry.
Joey: Craig I need your help around here.
Craig: And I need to study for exams. I am allowed to study, right?
Joey: Yeah fine.
Craig: Fine. You still want me to clean up?
Joey: That would be helpful. Thank you.
Craig: You're welcome.
(Angie starts whining.)
Joey: Okay, okay, okay. Time for bed. Let's go. Come on.
At Dr. Manning's house
Dr. Manning: Craig!
Craig: So what do you know about the periodic table?
(He smiles and makes a motion for Craig to come in.)
Inside Dr. Manning's house
Craig: Noble gasses: helium, neon, argon, krypton, radon, xenon.
Dr. Manning: Good. Defining characteristic?
Craig: Stability! Yes.
(Craig puts down his glass of juice on the table.)
Dr. Manning: If only you could figure out what the coaster's for.
(Craig imagines his father taking off his belt and hitting him.)
Dr. Manning: Craig? I just don't want rings on the table. It's not a big deal.
Outside the school
JT: Okay maybe you don't get it, alright? I have to go to this dance with Liberty.
Toby: She's helping you get through exams. Suck it up.
JT: What about my dream? Paige...dancing with me. So close, so slow.
Toby: So impossible.
JT: Well maybe I could still ask her out.
Toby: You can't use Liberty to pass, then dump her and go with Paige, Romeo.
JT: Oh flashcards. Quel surprise.
Liberty: Start. Capitals of Europe.
JT: Albania, Tirana. Austria, Vienna. Belarus, Minsk. Minsk....hello?!
Liberty: Do you prefer chartreuse or fuchsia? I can't decide on my gown for this dance.
JT: Liberty it's a luau, okay? You don't need some big gown. I mean it's not even a-
Liberty: I know. It's not a real date, but I just want something you'll like.
JT: Okay. Moving on.
Liberty: Ireland.
JT: Um Dublin.
(She holds up another flashcard.)
JT: I have no idea.
In Ms. Hatzilakos' class
(Ashley and Craig walk inside to start their tests.)
In geography class
Teacher: In my day we were lucky enough to get pencils. You get your geography exam online. 60 minutes guys.
(JT starts the test and Liberty smiles at him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
In Ms. Hatzilakos' class
(Craig is filling out the answers and him and Ashley smile at each other.)
In the hallway
JT: Look who's moving up to grade 9. I am the king of Degrassi and there's my queen. Paige! This is turning out to be one of the best days of my life.
Paige: I'm thrilled for you sweet potato.
JT: Uh yeah and you know, you could make it even better by answering one little question...the dance-
Liberty: JT! You finished before me. I'm guessing you did well?
JT: Um yeah. Can we maybe talk later?
(Liberty grabs and hugs JT excitedly.)
Paige: Alright um love to stay and soak up your collective joy, but the million dollar question re: the dance?
JT: Yeah. The Hawaiian surf paradise.
Paige: Heather Sinclair's title, not mine.
JT: Whatever. Do you want to you know...do you want to help Liberty pick out an outfit? She's my date.
Paige: Um I'd love to. You know for a second there I thought you were gonna to ask me.
(She laughs and walks away.)
Liberty: Thanks!
JT: Yeah ask you Paige. Yes that's funny.
Outside the school
Craig: Free from science for two months!
Ashley: And I'm so sure our knowledge of the periodic table will come in handy.
Craig: So year end dance...you going?
Ashley: Uh I'm on the committee, remember?
Craig: No I meant with anyone.
Ashley: Oh. No.
Craig: Me neither. Should we go together?
Ashley: Yeah we should.
Craig: Dad what are you doing here?
Dr. Manning: I just wanted to see how you did on the exam.
Craig: Uh it was great.
Ashley: I should go. Nice to see you Dr. Manning.
Dr. Manning: Nice to see you too Allison.
Ashley: It's Ashley.
Dr. Manning: Interesting girl.
Craig: She is.
Dr. Manning: So dinner tonight to celebrate the exam?
Craig: Um I'm supposed to baby-sit 'til 8.
Dr. Manning: I can push it off. I'll meet you at the Bistro at 8:30. Craig...?
Craig: Right. I'll be there.
Dr. Manning: Okay. See you tonight. At Joey's house, Craig is playing a video game
Angela: Again! Read it again.
Craig: Ang I've read it 5 times already. I could recite it.
Angela: Craig please! I've got the chicken pox!
Craig: Fine. Your wish is my command.
(The phone rings.)
Craig: Here count how many spots you have.
(He gives Ang a mirror and she hands him the phone.)
Craig: (On the phone) Hello? Joey you're late!
Joey: (On the phone) Yeah I know it's late Craig, but I got a potential sale here, okay? I'm going to be at least another hour.
(Angie starts counting her spots while Craig is on the phone.)
Craig: (On the phone) I have plans...with friends. You can't get home sooner?
Joey: (On the phone) If you want me to lose the sale, yeah.
Craig: (On the phone) No. It's fine. Bye.
Joey: (On the phone) Okay. See you in a bit.
Angela: 17, 18 spots!
Craig: Lucky you. Okay the book.
At the restaurant
Waitress: Dr. Manning may I bring you anything?
Dr. Manning: For the tenth time I'm waiting for someone, okay?
(Craig rushes in.)
Craig: Dad. Dad I'm sorry. Uh Joey got held up.
Dr. Manning: Just sit, sit. I got you a little present.
(He hands Craig some tickets.)
Craig: Tickets to London?
Dr. Manning: We'll start there, take the Chunnel to Paris, rent a car for a couple of weeks.
Craig: Dad that's awesome. Really?
Dr. Manning: This is the perfect opportunity for you and I to acclimatize, you know before school starts.
Craig: What do you mean?
Dr. Manning: It's time for you to come home Craig. I mean Joey's was necessary, but it's not the best environment.
Craig: Um, but I like it at Joey's.
Dr. Manning: Of course you do with Angela there, but look at your study situation. It is not stable.
Craig: Being at Joey's is stability, dad...
Dr. Manning: You know...
(He gets up and leaves angry.)
Craig: Dad!
(Craig follows him out of the restaurant.)
Craig: Dad! Dad, wait up.
Dr. Manning: Are you talking to me or are you talking to Joey?
Craig: Oh that's not fair!
Dr. Manning: Life's not fair and you're right Joey is better for you. This way you can kiss your potential goodbye, settle for some interesting little goth girl...
Craig: Don't talk about Ashley like that!
Dr. Manning: -your marks can drop and one day you can take over the car lot.
(Craig pushes his dad and Dr. Manning smacks him across the face.)
Dr. Manning: Craig I'm so sorry. It'll-
Craig: It'll never happen again? Huh?! Is that what you were going to say? 'Cause that's what you always say!
Dr. Manning: 'Cause you always screw up.
Craig: No dad you're the one who screws up! It won't change! Ever!
(He gets in his car and starts speeding off while Craig watches upset.)
At Joey's, Craig walks in upset
Joey: Hey Craig. You're home early.
Craig: Hey. Yeah uh don't want to wear out the summer too fast.
Joey: Something wrong?
Craig: I got in a fight.
Joey: With who?
Craig: My dad.
Joey: Your dad? You saw your dad? Why didn't you tell me?
Craig: Well 'cause you wouldn't have let me.
Joey: You're right I wouldn't have let you Craig. I'm gonna call the police.
Craig: No. Tomorrow I want us to go to Children's Aid and I want to make sure I never have to see him again.
Joey: Okay.
Craig: I hate him Joey. I hate him so much.
Joey: Um we'll talk more about this in the morning. Why don't you clean up? At Joey's, the next morning
Craig: Morning.
Joey: Hey morning. So you guys want me to add anything to this grocery list?
Craig: Yeah a steak for my eye or maybe just a patch, sort of like a pirate, huh Ang?
Angela: Arr!
Craig: Arr!
Joey: So uh you really gonna do this, Children's Aid thing?
Craig: Yes. This is where I need to be for good.
(There's a knock at the door.)
Craig: I wonder if that's him.
Joey: Your dad? I doubt it.
(Joey answers the door and he starts talking to two policemen.)
Angela: Craig yesterday I had 18 spots. Today I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 spots! Oh wait! 14, 15 spots.
(The police leave and Joey closes the door.)
Joey: Angie can you go upstairs and clean your room please?
Angela: Do I have to?
Joey: Yes please.
Craig: So my dad sent the police to come get me? What?
Joey: Have a seat Craig.
(They sit down.)
Joey: I don't know how to tell you this.
Craig: What?
Joey: Your dad had an accident last night.
Craig: He's in the hospital?
(Craig starts to stand up.)
Joey: No, no. Sit, sit. He didn't make it.
Craig: What? What does that mean?
Joey: I'm sorry Craig. | Plan: A: Craig; Q: Who takes his friends on a joyride when Joey goes out of town? A: Joey; Q: Who asked Craig to move a car on his lot? A: the weekend; Q: When does Joey go out of town? A: Ashley; Q: Who considers getting her belly button pierced to impress Ellie? A: a friend; Q: What has Ashley found in Ellie? Summary: Craig thinks Joey's request for him to move a car on his used-car lot gives him free rein to drive and takes his friends on a joyride when Joey goes out of town for the weekend. Meanwhile, Ashley has found a friend in Ellie and considers getting her belly button pierced to impress her. |
We all remember stories of his childhood ... The glass slipper of Cinderella, The Toad turning into a prince, The Sleeping Beauty awakened by a kiss Once upon a time ... And they lived happy forever ... Fairy tales, the subject of dreams . The problem is that it is never real It's the other stories, those that start with a dark stormy night and ends so atrocious, These are the nightmares that always seem to come true.
Meredith: What is happening?
Cristina: The bus before it hit a telephone pole He tried to avoid it, but ...
Meredith: Is it serious?
Cristina: Meredith, We must be strong
Meredith: Derek! No! No! No! No! Derek! No! No! Derek!Derek! The person who coined the phrase: "and they lived happily ever after" deserves a big kick in the ass ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Bailey: You Get out my comic oxygen
Derek: I try to see
Bailey: There's nothing to see yet
Hahn: It had to be there at 16 pm
Mark: It is 4:15 p.m.
Cristina: Yes Supports on refresh, you must refresh the page
Bailey: That's what I do every 10 seconds. Wait
Meredith: There's still nothing?
Bailey: No
Derek: hello
Meredith: Hi
Alex: There's nothing yet?
Bailey: No! wait!
Mark: You go up a rank. Hopkins is exceeded and the second one leaves
Derek: We exceed Hopkins, We will stay in second place.
Hahn: It would be the third
Derek: Third? Pessimistic
Hahn: realistic. The classification of CHU depends on many criteria
Mark: Oh, three out of five it would be nice I can live with three
Alex: Should update
Bailey: This is key to anything that makes me
Izzie: Hey, there's nothing yet?
No.
Izzie: And then just update
Bailey: I do not stop ... okay, come on everybody emerges.Lapping stop, stop speculating Ranking will be published when it will be can not help it when it gets here, I will tell you far, clear, leave me alone I ..
Meredith: It is displayed
Bailey: Oh, number one, hopkins. Number two, mayo.
Hahn: I said it
Bailey: Three, cleveland clinic?
Derek: What?
Bailey: Four, Mass Gen.
Cristina: What? Wait, we stayed in fifth place
Bailey: No. There is no fifth
Richard: 12! 12, O'malley!
George: It's infuriating Mr. ...
Richard: it is not the level of the 12th rank
George: No, it's a great chu
Richard: I do not steer the country's 12th Service
George: Mr. ...
Richard: Yes, O'Malley!
Geroge: We went from level one trauma level two What does it mean? No need to explain It's just a detail I should go ...
Richard: 12!
[SCENE_BREAK]
George: You know, I do not know when it will make me take the test again With everything that happens I mean, it can fall when nimporte Genre in one hour, two maybe?
Lexie: And you're ready The cause of hypotension?
George: hypovolemia, myocardial infarction, cardiac dysrhythmia ... uh, hypoxia. Yeah, it's good?
Lexie: Very good
George: Yeah? What?
Lexie: The snow is ... It's ... it's so pretty and looks like a fairy tale
George: Lexie ... It's ... it's fall It's not a fairy tale Quite the Global Warming Apocalypse Now Redux. It's like falling to 12th place Or miss its internal review for the 2nd time
Lexie: I adore you ... the way the way ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lexie: Oh, hey, sorry for being late I was trying to help ...
Cristina: No crap unless it's medical
Meredith: I can not stop this dream where Derek is dead
Cristina: You know who did his internship in a teaching hospital in 12th place? The losers, I'm not a loser Fetch records!
Meredith: I have a dream because I'm afraid of candles in the house and make a leap forward ... And it ends well
Cristina: You know I have a Ph.D. in biochemistry, a double Ph.D. When one has a double doctorate, we will pa in a teaching hospital junior
Meredith: Wyatt said I should get into the wind, in fear So I'll ask Derek to move in with me
Cristina: If I did move The Cleveland Clinic has a good cardio Service
Meredith: We're still in the top 20 It is not enough?
Cristina: I want more, the size, Meredith.
Meredith: Yes, that's why I'll ask Derek to stay with me It's a big step forward and I want to spoil everything I messed up everything so far ... Finished break, come and go to sleep with George
Lexie: You slept with George?
Cristina: No crap unless it's medical
Meredith: So I'll start I'll ask him to move you think is good?
Cristina: Oh, wonder Bailey
Lexie: Uh ... From a medical perspective, George and Meredith have sexual relations? When? How many times?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: It is humiliating Twelfth You're the best neurosurgeon in the country
Derek: Thank you,
Mark: the world You do not have anything nice to say about me?
Derek: You're the best artist from Seattle Grace
Mark: Nice, really nice
Derek: Do not force me to glorify you Hey, Pink.
Rose: Hello, Dr. Sloan.
Derek: She took it well at first I thought we would remain civilized She works in my block
Mark: Civilized you can forget
Derek: Thank you
Mark: It's over it's fairy dust Now it's delayed anger
Derek: Anger-timer?
Mark: She showed courage it took time to think now she hates you must break
Derek: Well done precisely
Mark: On a personal level but not at the professional level Good luck with that!
Derek: Anger ticking ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hahn: I would like a list from you, how I can get amélirorer
Richard: Not now
Hahn: Richard, you said that I was a bad teacher and now we are in 12th place and I like it not so I need a list
Richard: Not now
Hahn: Tell me how I could improve How to make this service finds its place.
Richard: It's snowing. You know what happens at night when it snows and the temperature drops below 0
Hahn: No
Richard: The snow begins to melt, then refreeze Creating black ice, the more deadly because drivers do not see our emergencies are usually full to bursting Mercy West but the service has a number of trauma and not us their emergencies are met and recovered the remains So what irritates me when I say "not now" it's not now!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Bailey: Stop shaking me you genes!
Izzie: I had not realized you'd expect out No need to do that
Alex: Covers you, you become all blue
Meredith: Dr. Bailey, it is freezing outside
Bailey: Someone will come
Alex: No One
Izzie: Of old with hip pain
Bailey: Okay, shut up you are is the seattle grace, or grading We will not stay out at attention, alert and provide the best care to every patient who pass through that door It is ranked among the best But I'm the best , and you are my residents which means that you are the best this is a matter of pride
Cristina: What's happening?
Bailey: It is expected
Cristina: What?
Meredith: a miracle
Bailey: What someone to come
Cristina: Dr. Bailey, you know that Mercy West has the best trauma
Bailey: Someone will come!
Meredith: We're here in the hope that someone is seriously injured. Pray that someone is suffering and is on the brink of death And the ambulance to take him here because we're closer than Mercy West
Bailey: Yep.
Izzie: You think it will please God?
Bailey: sh1t, I forgot God Go you good returns! Hey, watch out, Is this going?
I drove the limousine on the ice ... All alone, ten streets
Meredith: is it going? My dress-it was covered with blood What is happening? -What happens is that we are in the hospital in one piece!
Izzie: Please do not move? Sit the time we bring a wheelchair We need a wheelchair We are not patients Who's his name? Benny? Billy?
Meredith: Billy? -The driver of the limo He went through the windshield Help please
Bailey: Uh, yang, come here, help me Go get a stretcher, cart and a neck brace! Okay, Appuies there appuies!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Richard: What do we got?
Bailey: Billy Matthews, 45 years because of arterial bleeding still unknown
Richard: I'm on it Take the one in Rea!
Bailey: Ok, I'm pushing on hémmoragie
Richard: I'm on it
Bailey: I just ...
-What happens? Vincent will be worried if I'm late
Izzie: You've had a car accident you are in hospital, we will take good care of you -It is well?
Izzie: Maybe a concussion He will make a scan as a precaution -All that blood, we would have to wait for the ambulance, was expected she did not come And Billy was through the windshield!
Callie: Wait, you released the driver's windshield by themselves? It is very brave Michael does not respond? No, try again Phil! We would never go to the prom in a beautiful mileu storm
George: What ball? -The ball of fire and ice -I came across their message Their phones are turned off may be you have not called Vincent?
Meredith: Your husbands are in another car? We refuse to go with them unless we love our husbands when they released their cigarette And when they want to smoke in the limo
Callie: Your arm is not broken, nothing but blue So O'Malley is going to see the stitches and you can go you're lucky to be unscathed -What kind of doctor are you? You are young
George: Oh, I'm an internal -No internal face that touch me Only artists have the right -What happens? Where am I? -We had an accident, you okay? We'll all get out!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Hahn: hello
Callie: hello
Hahn: I've been very busy
Callie: Yeah I know, It does not stop I did lots of research in the library ...
Hahn: Oh yes me too, incredibly busy Lots of research like you except it was on the internet.
Callie: I need to talk to Bailey
Hahn: I do too
Callie: Bailey, something else?
Bailey: No nothing at all That's the problem I filled out paperwork leader took my patient I dropped the clinic so I am in paperwork leader wants you to throw an eye on it Billymatthews. it is limo driver Multiple injuries due to collision
Hahn: hemopericardium! Hemopericardium may result in cardiac tamponade detected by Beck's triad Agmentation of PVC, hypotension and muffling of heart sounds ... This is a teaching hospital I try to improve
Bailey: Do not do that on me
Mark: I show you how I do
Hahn: No
Mark: I'm kind of a guru They ask me for help and I guide them to the path of truth and wisdom
[SCENE_BREAK]
Lexie: Hey, George.
George: Hi.
Lexie: I heard something
George: Yeah?
Lexie: something surprising and not surprising medical on you and ...
George: Oh, wait Uh, Dr. Sloan, hi. Sarabeth Briar has a cut on his face and wants it to be you who soigniez
Mark: you call me for a break? What type of guy you're O'malley? Is that what you come from an island full of morons?
George: I do not think
Mark: Shut up! Truth and wisdom
Lexie: What asshole!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cristina: You know what? Here is what the 12th From chicks in a ball dress and a limo driver half dead!
Meredith: these women are amazing, they tried to save his life I would like to be like her
Cristina: A vieile princess?
Meredith: They are the same man for years they do, I can do
Cristina: Wed, I -
Derek: hey. Who beeped me?
Meredith: Izzie and Bailey you were beeped Go see Bailey in the first, it deals with the limo driver
Derek: Okay.
Meredith: You come live with me?
Derek: You want us to live together?
Meredith: Yeah, well I could ... it's just that if you want ...
Derek: Yes!
Meredith: Yes?
Derek: You're sure to be ready
Meredith: I dive in fear for my happy ending
Derek: I'm not you
Richard: Damn! Time of death ... 20:47. The driver, stopping traumatic His pulse never left tell them to cancel the block!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Bailey: I have a dream, yang.
Cristina: Excuse me?
Bailey: That one day, one will hurt those doors, I have a dream!
Cristina: I have the same dream
Bailey: No. 12.
Cristina: No. 12.
Bailey: The center is talking to three men three, all seriously injured and they all go to Mercy West
Cristina: 3 men?
Bailey: That's what I say
Cristina: three men who might be married to women in prom dress
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: it's going to sting
-Squeezes my hand, squeezes my hand -Pete was less badly do you remember? Do you remember?
Mark: Yeah, but you'll love me when you will have no scar
Bailey: Ladies, I'm on the phone with three men in central ambulance limo struck a vehicle on Broad Street. It is possible that this is your husbands -Oh, no
Cristina: They lead to Mercy West ...
Bailey: at the other end of town
Cristian: Unless you prefer to drive here You can do this?
Bailey: You can insist
Cristina: And if I were you, I would insist -We could ... we could insist Yes, we insist
Bailey: You insist
[SCENE_BREAK]
Richard: If I understand correctly, you stole those injured to Mercy West?
Bailey: I do not know what you mean
Richard: Good job it's personal Yang, come with me!
We have a problem-Man, 58, victim of a pileup, tachycardia slowed to 160 breaths
Richard: What did you do? -It's not me, he's GI Joe gave her a tracheotomy before I arrived.
Richard: Your did a trach at this guy with a pen? -So what?
Richard: inside right now! Go, Go, go, go ...
Cristina: A pen ... Cool
Derek: Okay, what have we?
Cristina: kenner Vincent, 58, unrestrained passenger fell headfirst Heart Sounds deaf and head wound This is vincent.
Izzie: Betty. I'm sorry, Dr. Hahn, but she wants to see her husband Vincent. this is my husband-What happens? it goes well?
Izzie: We will keep you updated when more is known Not
Izzie: but we must make you a scanner Oh, my god, Vincent.
Izzie: I will bring you home, I bring you
Cristina: Abdominal Hemorrhage
Derek: a depressed
Hahn: Breath slow, bilateral, This will block direct Notify the chief
Cristina: I can attend?
Hahn: Okay
[SCENE_BREAK]
He has a pen in the throat Oh, Michael! Oh, my god michael!Oh, my god, what is ... is that it's a pen in his throat? They put a pen in the throat?
George: Madam you must stay out, let the doctors work -But be careful with him, Michael suffered a lot of stress so you have ... And he needs ... Richard Grey, takes you to this woman
Meredith: Madam. Loomis, I see your husband takes you right next Darling, I'm here, Michael, I'm here, darling -
Richard: It's not her husband?
George: No! -Oh, god, michael!
George: It was her husband -What has happened?
George: Sil 'please come with me here by Ms. What happens to him? Michael!
Mark: You have made him a trach site with a ballpoint pen? -That's all I had What? I still cleaned with dry before
Alex: It's amazing Really? you will use a trach tube six?
Mark: Please identify this guy!
Bailey: I need a radio to his abdomen, Phew, that belly, chief!Karev, we put on the list
Mark: look, the trench is crushed I will need reinforcement to the block Who is available?
Bailey: Grey.
Mark: the good gray?
Bailey: The internal gray.
Richard: And I added O'Malley. Oh, nice, perfect!
[SCENE_BREAK]
-Phil? Oh my god Oh my god, what happens? The limo-slipped on ice And suddenly, it was upside down to make barrels and ... anna ... I can not feel my legs. Oh, Phil. I'm sorry
Callie: Ok, let it out I have to ask the opinion of Dr. Shepherd.
Cristina: Oh, chief, Dr. Hahn takes care of crush injuries multiple It asks that you look at it
Richard: Mm-hmm, I go, You're bleeding! -Oh, my car was behind them It's from the accident
Richard: It is you who sorted? -Major Owen Hunt, U. S. 2nd surgical unit air transportable I trauma surgeon I was on leave
Richard: Dr. Yang, Heal leg of Major
Cristina: Uh, chief, I, I must attend
Richard: After the injury of Major
Cristina: Hey, where are you?
Hunt: See my other patients
Cristina: No, no. You are the patient
[SCENE_BREAK]
-Hello? Vincent? Are you there? Where am I?
Izzie: You had a car accident it makes you a radioTout gonna be alright Do not move
Alex: A calibrated has a trach with a pen - Rather cool huh? Just look it. Every 30 seconds - -There's someone? Where am I?
Izzie: You had a car accident Betty. There is a radio all goes well, every 30 seconds to empty his memory
Alex: Every 30 seconds, it's not so bad, It's like a page refresh everything is new
Izzie: How are you?
Allex: Do not stop to ask me and I tell you it's going
Izzie: I know, it's just that ... sometimes I think that Denny will appear in the corner, so he is long dead, it takes time to get used to it
Alex: Rebecca is not dead, it is not the same thing, I'm fine But thank you for asking -Hello? There's someone? Where am I?
Alex: You are in a spaceship, in the direction of the moon, Bon Voyage!
Izzie: Alex. A spaceship? Excuse me?
Izzie: It is a radio, Betty. everything will be fine You had a car accident do not move, Thank you very much!
Alex: Bailey beeps me, I'll see you later!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Derek: He has a depressed I can raise the skull fragments, but impossible to assess the damage like that!
Richard: We'll save that man
Hahn: A rupture of the aorta is likely, not to mention the bleeding
Richard: We'll save that man, I take care of the bleeding!
Hahn: It is on the brink of death!
Derek: I have other patients
Richard: We'll save that man! Everyone I have yet to understand or repeat?
Hahn: Yes, Chief
Derek: Got it!
Richard: Okay, the book block 2!
[SCENE_BREAK]
-I know this is ridiculous ... A married woman's husband sleeps with her best friend There's nothing more pathetic
Meredith: It does happen! -I saw Michael at the mall and we had lunch and a week later, another breakfast And here we are ... Eight months later and Sarabeth unsuspecting When you spend your life with someone ... And you have children together You think it will always be wonderful You think that love is eternal And, and, and it's true ... I like Phil. It's just ...
Meredith: Just ...? -Little pieces of you scattered ... Because of another person and ... And you remove pieces of yourself for all yours ... And one day you look ... And you do not you recognize more. I should go back to my husband he will wonder where I am
Meredith: Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Richard: The registry holds up I don 'impresses myself Shep?
Derek: Mm-hmm, I'm almost there, look at all the monitor please So to raise the last skull fragments, I need an instrument to pass under the flat bones number two if Dissector please You know what, I will take the number four on balance
Hahn: Oh, that's interesting, why did you decide to use the number four?
Derek: Sorry?
Hahn: Oh, yes what is your explanation? I observe your teaching method without interfering Then dissexteur? Why did you change?
Derek: I've changed my mind ... There's a problem, pink?
Rose: Not at all, Dr. Shepherd. You have changed your mind, I jumped!
Callie: Dr. Shepherd, uh, I have one with an injured spinal cord I gave him steroids but we will have decompression - you have almost finished here?
Derek: Yes I finished you can close it for me?
Hahn: So you think it's a good teacher? ! I am just checking
[SCENE_BREAK]
Callie: The column is crushed from C6 to T1 and encroaches on the spinal
Derek: It takes pressure off the spinal cord, but with this type of injury
-Nobody remarche -Phil, you do not know Anna, darling ... -It's good -Do something Phil is strong, it has small children You must do something!
Hunt: Freeze!
Cristina: You can not enter here
Hunt: If you want to give him a chance to walk again
Derek: Who are you?
Cristina: The costo army who broke a pen in the throat of a type
Derek: Well, I love that you avoid giving false hope to my patient and his wife
Hunt: So we have tried anything, he's still hope, you should make you aware of research Buffalo Gen redid walk a football player with therapeutic hypothermia
Derek: The patient was 20 years old and a heart shape My patient is 60 and is a candidate to risk it again souaite his grandchildren Dr. Torres, reserve a block And tell the patient that the procedure is impossible despite the judgment of Uncle Sam!
Cristina: Let's finish your leg!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael will live after he was put a pen in the throat?
Bailey: Oh, yes ma'am. this emergency procedure using breathing Dr. Sloan awaits the block! In-block? he needs an operation?
Bailey: Uh, when your husband was pinned under the car Her trachea was lacerated Dr. Sloan has surgery to repair the airway It also has wounds to the kidney and liver a break -He also needs an operation for that?
Bailey: His abdominal injuries may recover themselves! Two-operations? I can not believe what is happening
Bailey: Wait what is today
Alex: Tonight at midnight
Bailey: Um, ma'am there something else What else? what else?
Bailey: According to our accounting department, your insurance expires at midnight We'll treat you but to ease the task Would you have another insurance policy? -This is my husband who manages it all
Bailey: Uh, okay. Okay.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cristina: I will anesthetize now - Uh, you do not anesthetize
Hunt: So what?
Cristina: S - ow! S - uh, ow.
Hunt: I do not see that angle and you?
Cristina: Okay.
Hunt: Thank you
Cristina: You're welcome
Callie: I can ask you a question?
Cristina: Uh, what?
Callie: um, to do so by
Cristina: Oh, yeah, sure. And I have an operation you do the injection!
Callie: Tell me about the procedure for freezing ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Izzie: Betty Kenner, internal injury to the head following the accident limo
Derek: Subdural Hematoma
Izzie: That explains his loss of memory
Derek: Yeah. It should ease the pressure reserve a block I take care of her after Anna's husband keeps ca
Rose: But that's your thing? Of juggling multiple people at once
Izzie: How is the husband of Betty?
Cristina: Oh, I witness the transaction, Shepherd did what he could but the head and Hahn are still there it's a mess
Izzie: Sarabeth's husband will need surgery after that of Derek.Poor women ...
Meredith: Anna, the one with the cuts ... Is married to the guy Derek operates and she sleeps with Sarabeth's husband works ... one that Sloan
Izzie: You're kidding
Meredith: No, do not say anything to Betty
Izzie: She does not remember them
Meredith: So this is what happens? We are married for 40 years and we begin to deceive her husband 40 years is enough not to be true What's the point? If I moved in with Derek
Cristina: I'll file $ 100 if you change the subject!
Izzie: He's the man that counts, not the year and Derek is a good man
Cristina: Oh, I'm off
Izzie: There's lots of good men, George is a really nice guy I mean, it ... No, not Alex Sloan. Yeah. Alex has become a good man
Meredith: You and Alex ...
Izzie: no. I give examples, but this is even though we are friends, it opens it has changed mine!
Meredith: If you live together and you marry in 40 years you will not feel empty inside as to deceive ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Richard Yang, you dealt Major Hunt?
Cristina: Uh, I did my best sir
Richard: Okay, just put pressure on the bleeding You know what I think? The 12th place was a mistake an administrative error, and I'll find out when we have finished this operation.
Hahn: So I have observed the different ways of teaching, Shepherd enjoys teaching thinking aloud, Bailey is right on target and do not add and Sloan ... Sloan likes to berate and humiliate his students ...
Richard: If you want to know the best way to teach You should talk to your students and see what best fits Yang?
Hahn: Oh, it's not necessary, sir -
Richard: you really want to know Dr. Hahn?
Hahn: Well, Go
Cristina: Uh, for me personally I learn better by asking the Socratic method!
Hahn: It is the basis of medical education is done during the visits
Cristina: Well not everyone Some people ... Simply give us orders
Hahn: Who? you talk about me? Spend it drops me an aortic clamp!
Richard: I can not control the bleeding We'll have to limit the damage I see a rupture of the renal artery Yang, have you ever been a continuous suture?
Cristina: Yes, sir, of course
Hahn: Okay - His pulse fall
Richard: Okay, no more than Levophed continue to bring blood Make this suture, yang!
[SCENE_BREAK]
-There is a problem with insurance
George: I told you he can not talk Michael-I know, I called the bank and ... and .. and also they said that our cards were canceled I ... I do not understand Tell me what to do I know what to do
Lexie: I'm sorry but we must take him to the dr Sloan -There's something I can do? Someone call? I ... I .. I care not for money but I ... But if you could tell me ... who to call ...
Alex: I will speak to the accounting department to see what we can do! -Thank you
George: It's stuck I can not move the left bronchus
Lexie: You're almost there George
Mark: You're his cheerleader? Move over little genius before O'malley worse, will see if the block is ready ... If you get it ...
Lexie: You are disgusting to George It is not necessary he will board his review of the boarding stress enough that I thought you might be more fun
Mark: You're an inner Why are you talking about?
Lexie: Well you're the best friend of a friend of my half sister so ...
Mark: It made us friends? You defend your boyfriend and I should not say?
Lexie: It's not my boyfriend
Mark: But you want it to be No If No If
Mark: Does he know?
Lexie: Shut up you
Mark: I am your owner, not you talk to me like that You want me to be nice to O'Malley?
Lexie: Please
Mark: confess your love and I'll consider
Lexie: Shut up
[SCENE_BREAK]
Alex: You know something about insurance
Meredith: No. Why?
Alex: Well I try to help a patient
Meredith: Oh, the nice side of Alex Izzie was right
Alex: What does it mean?
Meredith: Nothing
Alex: What Izzie told you?
Meredith: That you were a good man She said that you had changed almost nothing
Alex: She told you that I cried because this is bullshit
Meredith: No, she did not say it
Alex: She should shut up
Meredith: Alex, I made a silly joke meant nothing Ca
[SCENE_BREAK]
Richard Yang, what do you do
Cristina: I, I can not do it, It does not, It tears
Richard: Damn Yang push yourself, I thought you had already done
Cristina: This is the case, hundreds ... Hahn, On hearts - hearts Your macéraient tissue forceps You held the intestine poorly you'd know If you do not allow you to spend as many hours in cardiothoracic surgery at the expense of general surgery
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mark: Damn, those vocal chords are irreparable
Lexie: You can do something?
George: He'll talk more probably
Mark: I think this was for me
George: Sorry
Mark: You have beautiful ironing your review and you play the master campus Ca change the fact that you have already missed once
Lexie: DR. Sloan.
Mark: Sorry Grey. Do you have something to say to someone?
Lexie: No, nothing
Mark: loose
Lexie: Shut up
George: Lexie!
Mark: The voltage drop
Richard: ventricular fibrillation 20 joules. Move!
Derek: Add a unit of packed cells, much as it should Get me the Plasma Vacuum please, suck Too much blood Too much blood
Mark: It loses
[SCENE_BREAK]
-What's going on? I'm in a hospital? -There was an accident but you'll get out -Let's all get out
Derek: I was able to fix your husband vertebrae and relieve pressure on his spine But, uh ... -He ... He is still paralyzed?
Derek: Yes I'm sorry -Oh, my god Oh, Phil. And ... and ... and michael. How is Michael?
Mark: I have repaired his trachea, but unfortunately his vocal chords were severely damaged in the accident ... -He may have spoken? He will never rained speak? -We must be strong -We must be strong for Phil and Michael
Derek: Izzie, I'll deal with Betty at a block when you're done!
Richard: It's Vincent? -Tell me what happened please Richard Vincent was operated It is stable but still critical! -Oh, my god
Richard: This is the DR. Yang. She will personally ensure that your husband spends the night
Cristina: I ... I will keep you informed -Informed ... what? Where am I? Where is Vincent?
Izzie: She has a subdural hematoma His memory is emptied every 30 seconds
Cristina: Perfect
[SCENE_BREAK]
Derek: Rose. See me if you act this way, you can not stay in my block
Rose: Okay, I will not go around the bush I act this way because I ... I'm carrying your child, Derek ... Gotcha!
Derek: You think this is funny
Rose: Oh, please do You've won, Who do you take? "If you act this way, you can not stay in my block" You should change spcécialité!
Derek: It is you who should change, I'm neurosurgeon
Rose: You should have thought before repeating endlessly that you no longer loved your ex, I see you at the block I do not move from there!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Callie: Chief, regarding Phimmip Loomis Column crushed Shepherd Um, I thought ... We could try therapeutic hypothermia
Richard: You want to freeze injury to the spine?
Callie: It did in Buffalo and Mass Gen has been very successful and Major Hunt recommends
Richard: What does Shepherd?
Callie: He thinks it is risky to top mr. Loomis is not in shape, more old
Richard Loomis is not older than me!
Callie: I could make the head, I just need your approval
George: What took you?
Lexie: I was trying to help you
George: You think you can help me by telling a holder of the close ... it's not help What makes you think ... You sleep with him?
Lexie: What? no!
George: If you do it
Lexie: Why do you say that? Wait, are you jealous?
George: Because you can tell Sloan to shut up? Yeah yes. But you know, he's right I'm a joke in this hospital and it's my fault I'm alone that failed the test and I got married in Vegas and I cheated on my wife
Lexie: No, you do not understand The only reason ...
George: I can defend myself ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Meredith: And he's fishing poles, boots, hair products I have not room for all that He speaks and not a little A real chatterbox
Cristina: Not now ...
Meredith: You know what happens when we dwell together?We shall build a house on his land, our land And since we will be married I would become Mrs. Dr. Shepherd. And after that you know what is coming? Babies, they held him, they will have perfect hair and chatty And then I will have 5 kids chatty, talkative one a husband will live in the sticks, And I'll sleep with your husband! You think I have to say I've changed my mind? Do not you think?
Cristina: Meredith!
Meredith: What? Why you pull the head?
Cristina: Shut up, you know, stop talking Stop talking to Derek to move in with him Stop talking about your relationship and you know why? I've heard it all! Yeah, you are getting back together and I have to hear it and you break And I still hear it I almost killed a man in power today, I ... okay, you want ... you really want to know what I think? Okay, you ... you really want to know? You and Derek it will work not You make a huge mistake by moving all Derek You dream that dies It shows you that it will work not
Meredith: Cristina, I ...
Cristina: And you know not all that happy ending, it is not So I beg you, continues to weigh the pros and cons but you must know, if it's not asking too much, stop getting drunk with it
Meredith: I ...
Cristina: No
Meredith: Okay ...
Cristina: No!
Meredith: I - okay, it's over I'm going ... I will not say that you deserve but you deserve
Cristina: Oh, thank you, help me ... help me to get up
Meredith: Do not move ... I'll go seek help ... | Plan: A: Owen; Q: Who kisses Cristina after he treats her? A: Cristina; Q: Who is impaled by an icicle? A: his unorthodox treatment methods; Q: What piques Cristina's interest in Owen Hunt? A: Webber; Q: Who orders Cristina to treat Owen Hunt? A: ice; Q: What does Cristina slip on outside the ER entrance? A: Meredith; Q: Who is plagued with a recurring nightmare in which Derek dies? A: a snow storm; Q: What is the reason for the ER being filled with car crash victims? A: The attendings; Q: Who is stressed over the hospital's national ranking number degrading to twelve? A: the hospital; Q: Where did Owen turn down a job after kissing Cristina? A: Rose; Q: Who accidentally stabs Derek with a scalpel? A: a hit; Q: How did Derek's professional relationship with Rose take after their break up? A: Lexie; Q: Who is devastated when she discovers that George doesn't have feelings for her? A: George; Q: Who did Lexie discover Meredith slept with? A: Mark; Q: Who finds out about Lexie's feelings for George? A: Erica and Callie results; Q: What two characters have an awkward atmosphere after their kiss? A: Erica; Q: Who encourages Callie to remember her research? A: Callie; Q: Who freezes when Webber takes Owen's treatment advice over Derek's? A: the first appearance; Q: What is the significance of Dr. Owen Hunt in this episode? A: Dr Owen Hunt; Q: Who is the military trauma doctor that Cristina is interested in? A: her interns; Q: Who did Webber order to treat Cristina's impalement? A: Alex; Q: Who is annoyed with Izzie after she told Meredith that she thought he was changing? A: the patient's life; Q: What does Callie freeze when she realizes that Owen's treatment is threatening? A: a hard line; Q: What does Webber push to save every patient? Summary: A military trauma doctor, Owen Hunt, piques Cristina's interest due to his unorthodox treatment methods. When Webber notices Hunt is bleeding, he assigns Cristina to treat him. Meredith and Derek attempt to work on their "happily ever after" but Meredith is plagued with a recurring nightmare in which Derek dies. The ER is filled with car crash victims due to a snow storm. The attendings are stressed over the hospital's national ranking number degrading to twelve. Derek's professional relationship with Rose takes a hit following their break up. Lexie is shocked to discover that Meredith has slept with George, especially due to her feelings towards him. Mark finds out about Lexie's feelings for George. An awkward atmosphere between Erica and Callie results from their kiss. After an argument with Meredith, Cristina slips on ice outside the ER entrance and an icicle hanging overhead falls and impales her. This episode marks the first appearance of Dr Owen Hunt . Cristina is annoyed when Webber orders her interns to treat her impalement. Owen ends up treating her and, after he turns down a job at the hospital, kisses her. Alex is annoyed with Izzie after he learns she told Meredith that she thought he was changing. Lexie is devastated when she discovers that George doesn't have feelings for her. Rose accidentally stabs Derek with a scalpel in the palm of his hand. Derek is further frustrated when Webber takes Owen's patient treatment advice over Derek's. When that treatment threatens the patient's life, Callie freezes until Erica is able to encourage her to remember her research. Webber continues to push a hard line of trying to save every patient and berates Meredith when she is unable to do so. |
Twilight: Wow, what a gorgeous day!
Spike: Rainbow Dash must've gotten up early for once and cleared all the clouds away.
Twilight: I bet all of Ponyville is gonna be out enjoying the sunshine. ...What? Where IS everypony?
(window slams shut)
(door slams)
Spike: Is it some sort of pony holiday?
Twilight: Not that I know of.
Spike: Does my breath stink? (breathes fire)
Twilight: Not more than usual.
Spike: Is it...ZOMBIES?!
Twilight: Uh...not very likely.
Spike: (apprehensively) Not likely...but...possible?!
Pinkie Pie: (hushed) Psst! Twilight!
Spike! Come here! Come! Here!
HURRY!
Before she GETS you!
(door slams)
(light clicks on, Twilight grunts)
Spike: (fearful) Who?! The zombie pony?!
Pinkie Pie: (voice trembling) Zoooombie poooony?!
(Spike shudders)
Twilight: Spike! There are NO zombie ponies!
Pinkie! What are you doing here alone in the dark?
Pinkie Pie: I'm not alone in the dark.
(Twilight gasps)
Twilight: Okay then, what are you ALL doing here in the dark?
Applejack: (stammering) We-we're hidin' from h-h-her!
(draws curtain)
(hoof scraping dirt)
(all except Twilight gasp)
(theme song begins) My Little Pony, My Little Pony, ah, ah, ah, ah,
(My Little Pony) Twilight: I used to wonder what friendship could be (My Little Pony) Until you all shared its magic with me
Rainbow Dash: Big adventure
Pinkie Pie: Tons of fun
Rarity: A beautiful heart
Applejack: Faithful and strong
Fluttershy: Sharing kindness
Twilight: It's an easy feat
All: And magic makes it all complete, yeah (My Little Pony) Do you know, you're all my very best friends
(Spike grunts)
Applebloom: Did you see her, Twilight? Did you see Zecora?
Pinkie Pie: (exaggerated) Glance EEEVILLY this way!
Twilight: And then a bunch of you flip out for no good reason!
Applejack: No good reason?! You call protectin' yer kin "no good reason?" Why, as soon as my sister saw Zecora ridin' into town,
(Applebloom shaking audibly) she started SHAKIN' in her little horseshoes!
Applebloom: (voice shaking) Di-i-i-d n-o-o-o-t!
Applejack: So I swept her up and brought 'er here.
Applebloom: I walked here myself!
Applejack: For safekeepin'!
Applebloom: (rebellious) Applejack! I'm not a baby! I can take care o'myself!
Applejack: Not from that creepy Zecora.
Fluttershy: She's mysterious.
Rainbow Dash: Sinister.
Pinkie Pie: (exaggerated) And SPO-O-O-O-OKY!
(Twilight grunts)
(all except Twilight gasp)
Twilight: Will you cut that out?!
Rarity: Just LOOK at those stripes! So garish!
Twilight: She's a zebra.
Everyone but Twilight: A WHAT?!
Twilight: A zebra! And her stripes aren't a fashion choice, Rarity.
They're what she was born with.
(Rarity faints theatrically)
Applejack: Born WHERE?! I've never seen a pony like that in these parts...'cept... (shudders) her!
Twilight: Well, she's probably not from here.
And she's not a pony.
(hoof scratching dirt) My book says zebras come from a faraway land.
(door opens quietly) But I've never seen her in Ponyville.
Where does she live?
(spooky theremin music)
Applejack: That's just it. She lives in...THE EVERFREE FOREST!
(loud thunder-like crash)
Twilight: SPIKE!
(loud thunder-like crash)
Spike: (sheepishly) Heh...sorry.
Applejack: The Everfree Forest just ain't natural. The plants grow.
Fluttershy: Animals care for themselves...
Rainbow Dash: And the clouds move...
All three: ALL ON THEIR OWN!
(Rarity faints theatrically)
Pinkie Pie: And that wicked enchantress Zecora lives there doing her evil...uh...STUFF!
She's so evil, I even wrote a song about her!
Rainbow Dash: (sarcastic) Here we go...
Pinkie Pie: (singing frantically) She's an evil enchantress She does evil dances
And if you look deep in her eyes She'll put you in trances
Then what will she do? She'll mix up an evil brew
And she'll gobble you up In a big tasty stew
Sooo...WATCH OUT! (song ends)
(panting heavily)
Twilight: Wow. Catchy.
Pinkie Pie: It's a work in progress.
Twilight: This is all just a bunch of gossip and rumors.
Now tell me, what exactly have you SEEN Zecora do?
Rainbow Dash: Well...once a month, she comes into Ponyville.
Twilight: (mocking) Ooooh.
Rarity: Then she lurks by the stores.
Twilight: (mocking) Oh MY!
Fluttershy: And then, she digs at the ground...
Twilight: (hyperbolic) Good gracious! (normally) Okay, I'm sorry. But how is any of this bad? Maybe she comes to town to visit.
Applebloom: Yeah! Maybe she's just tryin' t'be neighborly!
Twilight: And maybe she's not LURKING by the stores. Maybe she's GOING to them, lurk-free, to do some shopping?
Applebloom: Yeah! Everypony likes to shop!
Applebloom: You know what I think?
Applejack: APPLEBLOOM!
Hush and let the big ponies talk!
Applebloom: (pouting) I AM a big pony!
Rainbow Dash: What about digging at the ground? You gotta admit THAT'S weird.
Fluttershy: What if she's digging for innocent creatures?
(Pinkie Pie singing "Evil Enchantress" in the background)
Twilight: I'm sure there's an explanation for everything Zecora does.
And if ANYPONY here were actually brave enough to approach her, she would find out the truth.
Applebloom: Well, I'm brave enough! I'm gonna find out myself!
(Applebloom gasps, gulps)
(hoof scrapes dirt)
Twilight: You ponies are being RIDICULOUS!
Pinkie Pie: (ominously) Well, I heard that Zecora eats HAY.
Twilight: (exasperated) Pinkie. I eat hay. YOU eat hay.
Pinkie Pie: Yeah, but I heard it's the EVIL way she eats hay.
Applejack: (worried) Hey! Where's Applebloom?!
Fluttershy: The door's open!
Rarity: She went outside?!
Rainbow Dash: And Zecora's still out there!
Applejack: (worried) That silly little filly! I told her to stay put!
Twilight: Spike, you stay here in case Applebloom comes back.
Spike: Will do!
(strange noises)
(Applebloom gulps)
Applejack: Applebloom?!
(Applebloom gasps)
Applejack: You get back here right now!
Zecora: (African accent, speaking in meter) Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!
Applejack: You keep yer creepy mumbo-jumbo to yerself, ya hear?!
(ponies talking over each other, Pinkie Pie singing "Evil Enchantress")
Twilight: (sighs) Oh brother.
Zecora: (fading) Beware! BEWARE!
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, back atcha, Zecora!
You and your...lame...curse are the ones who better beware!
Applejack: And YOU! Why couldn't you just listen to your big sister?!
Applebloom: (stammering) I...I...
Applejack: Who knows what kinda nasty curse Zecora coulda just put on you?!
Pinkie Pie: Just like in my song! (singing) Evil enchantress, with the dances, and the trances
Twilight: You guys! There's no such thing as curses!
Rainbow Dash: Well, that's interesting to hear, coming from Miss Magic-pants herself.
Twilight: My magic - REAL magic - comes from within. It's a skill you're born with. Curses are artificial. Fake magic. It's conjured with potions and incantations. All smoke and mirrors meant to scare. But curses have no real power. They're just an old pony tale.
Applejack: Just you wait, Twilight. You're gonna learn that some pony tales really are true.
Pinkie Pie: (singing) She's an evil enchantress, she does evil dances
(Twilight dreaming other characters' voices)
Zecora: Beware! BEWARE!
(Twilight dreaming other characters' voices)
Pinkie Pie: (singing) If you look deep in her eyes, she will put you in trances
(Twilight dreaming other characters)
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, was that supposed to scare us?!
Rarity: Wicked, wicked diva! Fluttershy: A curse...
(Twilight dreaming other characters' voices)
Pinkie Pie: (singing) Then what will she do?
(Twilight dreaming other characters' voices)
Applejack: Just you wait, Twilight. Some pony tales really are true.
(Twilight dreaming other characters' voices)
Pinkie Pie: (singing) Then she'll gobble you up in a big tasty stew
(Twilight dreaming other characters' voices)
Pinkie Pie: Soooo...WATCH OUT! (Zecora laughs sinisterly)
(Twilight dreaming other characters' voices)
(Twilight whimpering in sleep)
(rooster crows)
Twilight: (groggily) Ugh...what a dream...
Curses-shmurses. Whoa! (chuckles) Maybe Zecora cursed my hair.
(laughs nervously, gasps)
(panicked) Or she cursed my horn!
Twilight: No, no, no, no, NO! None of these books have a cure!
(horn flops) (groans) There has to be a real reason for this!
An illness? An allergy?!
Spike: A curse!
Twilight: I said a real reason. Something that points to something real.
Spike: How about this one?
Twilight: (reading) "Supernaturals?" Spike, the word "supernatural" refers to things like ghosts, and spirits, and zombies, which are as make-believe as curses. This book is just a bunch of hooey!
Spike: But what if you're wrong, Twilight?
Spike: What if this really is a-
Pinkie Pie: (garbled) A THURTH!
Spike: A purse?! How could it be a purse?
Twilight: Pinkie! What happened?!
Pinkie Pie: (garbled, spitting) Ipth wapth Zeporptha! Spthe thputh a curth on me!
Spike: Augh! Say it, don't spray it, Pinkie!
(loud thud)
Rainbow Dash: Ow! (loud thud) Oh! She's (thud) trying to say-ow! Zecora- (thud, grunt) (door crashes open) She slapped us all with a- (thud) ow! Curse.
Rarity: I'm afraid I have to agree.
(blows hair out of face)
(Spike and Twilight yelp in surprise)
Applejack: (high-pitched voice) I hate to say I told ya so, Twilight, but I told ya so!
(Twilight and Spike gasp)
Applejack: it's a curse, I tells ya!
Twilight: But...Fluttershy...seems just fine.
Rarity: Yes, there doesn't seem to be a THING wrong with her.
Twilight: Fluttershy? Are you okay?
Is there something wrong with you?
Twilight: ...Would you care to tell us?
(horn flopping) So...you're NOT gonna tell us?
Yes you're not, or yes you will?
Applejack: Good gravy, girl! What's wrong with you?!
Fluttershy: (baritone manly voice) I don't wanna talk about it...
(Spike snorts and bursts into raucous laughter)
Spike: This is HILARIOUS! (laughing)
Look at all of you! We got: Hairity [Rarity], Rainbow Crash [Dash], Spittie [Pinkie] Pie, Appleteeny [appletini], Flutterguy [Fluttershy], and...uh... I got nothin'. "Twilight Sparkle." I mean, seriously. I can't even work with that.
Twilight: (sarcastic laughter) This is no joke, Spike.
(horn flops noisily)
Now start looking for more books so I can find a cure!
(horn flops noisily)
(Spike groans)
(Rainbow Dash strains, pops out of ladder)
Rainbow Dash: I think we'll find a cure to this curse at Zecora's place!
Twilight: It's not a curse!
(Rainbow Dash crashes)
Applejack: I agree with Dash!
We'll go to Zecora's and force her to remove this hex!
(Rainbow Dash zips around)
Twilight: It's not a hex either!
(all but Applebloom arguing)
Applebloom: This is all my fault.
If I hadn't followed Zecora in the first place, none of this would've happened. I just gotta fix this.
Applejack: Now, where does she think she's goin' this time?!
Rainbow Dash: I don't care what you say, Twilight! It's time to pony up and confront Zecora! Come on, girls! Are you with me?!
Pinkie Pie: I ampth!
Rarity: And I, as well.
Fluttershy: Uh, I don't know. Seems awfully dangerous.
(Spike giggles)
Rainbow Dash: How 'bout you, Applejack? ...Applejack?
Pinkie Pie: She'thp gonthe!
Rarity: (panicked shriek) Or somepony stepped on her!
Twilight: Or...sat on her?
(horn flops)
Rainbow Dash: Rarity's hair!
Rarity: (squealing) Oh! OH! Pinkie, what are you doing?! Really! (squeals) You ever hear of personal space?!
Pinkie Pie: Nopeth.
Twilight: Applebloom is gone too!
Rainbow Dash: I bet they went after Zecora!
Twilight: Well, we better go find them.
(Rainbow Dash crashes)
Twilight: Come on, girls, let's go.
Rarity: (strains theatrically) Oh dear! Oh, this is SO unseemly!
(exaggerated yelp)
Rainbow Dash: (dragging along floor) Hey! A little help, here?
Fluttershy: Oopsie! Sorry.
(sound of plane spinning out of control, crash)
Rainbow Dash: OW!
Fluttershy: Uh, Spike? Are you coming?
Spike: Nope! Uh...gotta stay here and look for a cure.
(gasps) "Twilight Flopple!" [Sparkle]
Applejack: Stop right there!
Turn around right now, missy!
Applebloom: (rebellious) No.
Applejack: No?! You can't ignore a direct order from your big sister!
(Applejack grunts)
Applebloom: (giggles) Sorry, Applejack, but I'M the big sister now.
Applejack: Applebloom! You come back here right this instant!
(blustering) I'M GONNA TELL BIG MACINTOSH ON YOU! (upset) Aw, ponyfeathers.
Twilight: Come on, girls! We've got to get to Zecora's!
Hurry!
(Rarity trips)
Rarity: (yelps) Easier said than done!
Rainbow Dash: Hey! Wait for me!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Rainbow Dash screams, sound of plane spinning out of control, crash)
(Rainbow Dash groans, tree falls)
Applejack: Rainbow! Thank Celestia!
There's no time to lose!
(banjo music)
I need to get to Zecora's, pronto! Giddyap, pony!
Rainbow Dash: Ex-CUSE me?
Applejack: (kicks Rainbow Dash's thigh) YEE-HAW!
Rainbow Dash: What the?!
Applejack: No, Rainbow Dash! Other way!
Rarity: (theatrically) Oh! I look HORRIBLE!
Pinkie Pie: Thish plashp looksh horriplesh!
Rarity: Oh my. That place really DOES look horrible!
Rarity: Nice decorations. If you like CREEPY!
(door opens)
(ponies gasp)
(cauldron bubbling)
(Zecora speaking native language)
Pinkie Pie: She shtole my sthong!
She (unintelligible babble)!
Rarity: She stole your song?
Twilight: Oh, Pinkie. That doesn't sound anything like your song.
Pinkie: (blows air over tongue) ...Ah!
(Pinkie tries and fails to talk)
(inquisitive yelp)
(Fluttershy sighs)
Fluttershy: (singing baritone unenthusiastically) She's an evil enchantress She does evil dances
And if you look deep in her eyes She will put you in trances
Then what will she do? She'll mix up an evil brew
Then she'll gobble you up In a big tasty stew
Soooo...watch out.
Rarity: YOU saw those terrible things! NOW do you believe us, Twilight?!
Twilight: Scary looking masks, confusing incantations, and a great big bubbling cauldron?
(horn flopping) (sighs) Everything IS pointing to Zecora being...bad!
Or...what if Zecora's just making soup?
Zecora: (tastes soup, speaking in meter) Mmm. The perfect temperature for ponies, I presume. Now, where is that little Applebloom?
Twilight: (fearful) Or...what if she's making Applebloom Soup? What if she's making Applebloom Soup?
(ponies scream, Fluttershy in a very low pitch)
(Rainbow Dash screams)
Applejack: I'm comin' for ya, Applebloom!
(door crashes open, Zecora speaks native language frantically, Rainbow Dash crashes into various things)
Applejack: Whoa there!
Easy, Rainbow Crash!
(glass breaks, Zecora speaks native language)
(Rainbow Dash screams, Zecora speaks native language, door slams, horn flops)
Twilight: (horn flops) What have you done with Applebloom?!
Zecora: No! No! (speaks native language)
(Rainbow Dash screams, crashes)
(rope twirls)
(Applejack grunts repeatedly, Rainbow Dash screams)
(crash)
Zecora: Ponies! What is this you-
(Rainbow Dash screams, cauldron falls over and spills contents)
(speaking in meter) No! You know not what you do! You've gone and spilled my precious brew!
(stew pours onto ground)
Twilight: We're onto you, Zecora! I didn't want to believe you cursed us, but the evidence is overwhelming!
Rarity: You made me look ridiculous!
Fluttershy: You made me SOUND ridiculous!
(Pinkie Pie talks and spits unintelligibly)
Twilight: (horn flops) You ruined my horn!
Zecora: How dare you?!
(speaking in meter) You destroy my home, destroy my work, then rudely accuse me of being a jerk?!
Rainbow Dash: You put this curse on us, now you're gonna UNcurse us!
Zecora: (speaking in meter) It is unwise to venture down this road. Your actions will make my anger explode!
(ponies gasp)
Twilight: (accusatory, horn flops) Where is Applebloom?
(Twilight and Zecora butt heads)
Applebloom: Zecora! I think I found all the things ya asked for.
What in Ponyville is goin' on here?!
Applejack: (gasps) Applebloom! You're okay!
Applebloom: Why wouldn't I be?
Twilight: Because Zecora is an evil enchantress who cursed us and was going to cook you up into soup!
(horn flops)
(Zecora and Applebloom laugh)
Applebloom: Oh, Twilight!
Did those silly fillies finally get in yer head? Y'know there's no such thing as a curse!
Twilight: (horn flops, condescending) Applebloom, sweetie, you can't just stand there and tell me this isn't a curse!
Applebloom: (flatly) This isn't a curse.
Zecora: (metric) If you will remember back, the words I spoke were quite exact. (in flashback) Beware! Beware, you ponyfolk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!
Applebloom: It was a warning. About that blue plant. It's called Poison Joke.
Zecora: That plant is much like poison oak, but its results are like a joke.
Applejack: WHAT in the hay does that mean?
Zecora: It means this plant does not breed wrath. Instead, this plant just wants a laugh.
Applejack: Will SOMEpony please talk normal?!
Twilight: I think what she's saying is that when we ran in to save Applebloom, we ran into the Poison Joke. All our problems were just little jokes it played on us.
Applejack: "LITTLE" jokes?! (sarcastic) Very funny.
Rainbow Dash: Ok, fine. But what about the cauldron?
Fluttershy: And the chanting?
Rarity: And the creepy decor?
Zecora: Treasures of the native land where I am from. This one speaks 'hello', and this 'welcome'.
Rarity: Not welcoming at all, if you ask me.
Zecora: The words I chanted were from olden times. Something you call a nursery rhyme.
Twilight: But the cauldron...The Applebloom Soup?
Applebloom: Lookie here, Twilight! That pot o'water wasn't for me! It was for all these herbal ingredients! The cure for Poison Joke is a simple old natural remedy! You just gotta take a bubble bath!
Twilight: (horn flops) But I tried to find a cure in all my books and couldn't find anything. What book has this natural remedy?
Zecora: Here is the book, you see? Sad that you lack it in your library.
Twilight: (embarrassed) Actually, I do have this book, but I didn't look inside because the title was so... Weird.
Twilight: (reading) "Supernaturals: Natural Remedies and Cure-alls That Are Simply Super." (humbled) I...I...I'm so sorry, Zecora.
(horn flops) I had the answer the whole time, if only I had bothered to look inside.
Zecora: [chuckle] Maybe next time you will take a second look, and not judge the cover of the book.
(Applebloom giggles)
Twilight: Zecora? Would you be kind enough to mix up another batch of the herbal bath?
Zecora: Mix it up I certainly will. Yet I am missing an herb from Ponyville.
Applebloom: But whenever Zecora comes to town, all the shops are mysteriously closed!
Twilight: (horn flops) Oh, well...I think we can help you with that.
(ponies chattering)
Daisy: Look, Rose! How awful!
Rose: The wicked enchantress has cursed them all!
Lily: The horror! The horror!
(ponies screaming over each other, doors slamming)
(Twilight knocks on door)
Twilight: Daisy? We need to talk.
Twilight: (voice-over) "Dear Princess Celestia, my friends and I all learned an important lesson this week:
Never judge a book by its cover. Someone may look unusual, or funny, or scary. But you have to look past that and learn who they are inside. Real friends don't care what your cover is; It's the contents of a pony that count. And a good friend, like a good book, is something that will last forever. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
Lotus: Miss Zecora. I would love to get the recipe for this bath. It's simply luxurious!
Applebloom: (realizing) Applejack! Hey, where's Applejack?!
(ponies gasping and splashing loudly)
Applejack: I'm right here, li'l sis!
I ain't tiny no more!
Rarity: Ooh. I have never felt so lovely in all my life!
(splash)
Pinkie Pie: Oh my gosh! I've never realized how horrible it is to not be able to talk. I mean I love talking so much and when I couldn't talk 'cause my tongue was all 'ehhhh'. It was the worst! Don't you agree, Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: (normal voice) Yes.
(ponies laugh)
(ending theme begins) My Little Pony My Little Pony
(instrumental)
My Little Pony, friends | Plan: A: Zecora; Q: Who is the mysterious zebra that lives in Everfree Forest? A: nearby Everfree Forest; Q: Where does Zecora live? A: their fears; Q: What does Twilight convince the town of Ponyville is unfounded? A: An encouraged Apple Bloom; Q: Who goes off to follow Zecora to her home? A: blue flowers; Q: What type of flowers does Apple Bloom enter? A: The next day; Q: When did Twilight and her friends find themselves suffering from strange problems? A: a potion; Q: What did Zecora and Apple Bloom make to cure the afflictions? A: the Poison Joke flowers; Q: What caused the afflictions? A: more trusting; Q: What did Twilight and her friends convince the townsfolk to be of Zecora? Summary: Twilight finds that the rest of Ponyville are frightened of the mysterious zebra Zecora who lives in nearby Everfree Forest, and insists their fears are unfounded. An encouraged Apple Bloom goes off to follow Zecora to her home, and the others quickly follow once they notice her missing. They recover Apple Bloom just as she enters a field of blue flowers, where Zecora warns them off. The next day, Twilight and her friends find themselves suffering from strange problems, leading the others to conclude Zecora has cursed them. They find Apple Bloom missing again, and assume Zecora took her. They race to Zecora's hut and confront her, only to find her and Apple Bloom making a potion to cure them of the afflictions, which were caused by the Poison Joke flowers they had stepped in the day before. Once cured, Twilight and her friends convince the townsfolk to be more trusting of Zecora. |
Skyline: A helicopter rises above the city.
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Scene - Frasier's new office
Frasier: What's got Daphne all worked up now?
Niles: It wasn't Daphne. It was Maris.
CUT TO: later, same setting
Niles: She's gotten involved with some Argentine polo player. It turns out [ ] he's a gold digger, with a violent temper to boot.
Scene - Montana apartment, Frasier opening the door.
Esteban: Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Yes?
Esteban: I'm Esteban de Rojo. [He punches Frasier.]
Scene - Later at the Montana
Niles: [to Daphne] I tell you, Maris will never come between us again.
As they exit to the kitchen, we hear the radio: "And now, news
headlines: Police have just arrested Seattle socialite Maris Crane for the murder of Argentine polo star Esteban de Rojo..."
The radio fades out.
ACT ONE
Scene One - The Montana It is later that night, after everyone has heard the news. Niles opens the door to Frasier and Martin.
Niles: Come in.
Frasier: Niles! [they embrace] What have you heard?
Niles: Not much. The TV news is still pretty sketchy. Dad, did you find anything out?
Martin: Well, I called some buddies at the station. They'll call back when they know something.
Frasier and Martin hang up their coats and head for the bar, to which Daphne has brought some plastic cups and where there are still refreshments left over from the fake baby shower.
Daphne: It's just so freaky! I can't believe that man is dead. He was standing right where you are just a few hours ago.
Martin: How are you holding up, son?
Frasier: As well as can be expected. [He moves his hand to his eye.]
Martin: I meant your brother.
Niles: Oh, well, I'm--I'm stunned of course, the idea that Maris actually killed someone.
Frasier: Well, we've all seen her murder many a lively dinner party.
He laughs, while the other three stare at him, appalled.
Niles: Frasier!
Martin: That's terrible.
Frasier: Oh, come on, I'm joking. And haven't I earned the right to my gallows humor? [haunted voice] After all, are you forgetting that just this afternoon I was punched in the face by a man now dead?
They bow their heads, shamed.
Frasier: Thank you.
Martin: [handing a glass to Niles] Here, drink this.
Niles: Oh, thanks.
The phone rings. Niles answers.
Niles: Hello? [pause] Yes, of course. I'll be there shortly. [He hangs up.] It's the police. They want to talk to me.
He sits next to Daphne.
Daphne: My God, why? They don't suspect you of anything, do they?
Niles: Oh, I don't think so, I don't think they could, they couldn't, could they? Dad?
Martin: Calm down. You had lunch with her today. They just want to know what you talked about.
Niles: Well, what did we talk about? What did we talk about? Uh, we-we discussed the upcoming women's arts festival and their tableau vivant. They're going to be re-enacting Schmitt's painting of "The Martyrdom of St. Ursula by Atila the Hun." Naturally, Maris will pose as the Hun.
Frasier: Ah.
Niles: A tad Germanic for my taste, but nonetheless I told her I'd help out by lending her my antique crossbow to help complete the tragic scene on the Rhône. Of course, talk of the Rhône inevitably led to that wonderful anecdote about the Nazarene painters of Biddlesbock Palace...
Frasier: [joins Niles in loud guffaws] Those beer-loving rascals! Tell it, Niles!
Martin: No! What did she say about the polo guy?
Niles: Well, I-I told you, she mentioned she felt unsafe around him, and she thought that he only wanted her for her money, and I urged her to end the relationship.
Martin: Well, that's pretty tame stuff. It'll take more than a little lunch to tie you into a murder.
Frasier: Oh, dear. Niles, they're in front of Maris's house now.
Frasier switches on the TV sound. We hear the announcer:
Announcer: There's been a startling new development in the society murder case. Sources say alleged murderer Maris Crane killed her polo-playing lover, Esteban de Rojo, with an antique crossbow...
They are all stunned. Frasier quickly mutes the television.
Daphne: You gave her the murder weapon! The phone rings. Niles slowly rises. Daphne answers.
Daphne: Hello? [aside] It's a reporter.
Niles: I'm not home.
Daphne: [into phone] I'm sorry, he's not here, and I don't know when he's coming back. [pause] I'd rather not say. [another pause] I'd rather not say! [charmed] Oh, thank you, Manchester, actually.
Martin: Hang up!
Daphne: Goodbye. [does]
Niles: I don't believe this. It's an unlisted number. They must think I'm involved somehow. Th-they're actually trying to imply that...
He begins his characteristic hyperventilating that we have seen before.
Niles: No, no, no, I'm not going to panic. The only way to get through this is to remain calm.
Martin: Right, now, let's go on down to the station and get this all sorted out.
Daphne: I'm coming too.
Niles: No! You have to rest up for our doctor's appointment tomorrow morning.
Frasier: I'll stay with Daphne.
Niles: Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine.
Martin and Niles exit. The phone rings again.
Frasier: You know, that's going to go on all night. Do you want to just stay at my place?
Daphne: Oh, thanks, but if I have them drive me out of me own home, then they've won.
The phone continues to ring.
Frasier: Allow me. [He answers.] Hello? Yes, I'll tell her. [hangs up] That was your mother. She heard the news, she's on her way over.
Daphne: I'll pack a bag, you get the car.
She heads to the back as Frasier goes out the door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FRAZER WITH A "Z"
Scene Two - Frasier's apartment Martin and Niles enter and Daphne receives them.
Martin: Well, we survived! The kid held up.
Daphne: [embracing him] What took you all night?
Niles: Oh, there was a lot of waiting.
Frasier: [helping Niles with his coat] Here, let me take that.
Niles: Thank you. Fortunately we found a nice cold metal bench between two drunk bikers and a pimp who called me "Peaches."
Martin: Yeah, and the interesting thing happened when we were leaving. We ran into Maris's lawyer on the way out.
Niles: And he told us the whole story. Apparently, Maris and Esteban had a fight, and Maris kicked him out. She was trying to calm herself by practicing her tableau vivant pose with the, with the crossbow. Which, she needs all the practice she can get. She has terribly weak triceps. Well, all of a sudden Esteban burst back in through the balcony window. Maris was-was startled to death and pulled the trigger in self-defense. He was dead before he hit the parquet.
Daphne: So where is she now?
Martin: They're holding her as a flight risk.
Niles: Can you imagine?
Martin: Well, it didn't help that when they found her, she had a passport, a wig, and $10,000 in her purse.
Niles: Maris always has those things in her purse.
Frasier: Well, you've got to admit, Niles, it doesn't look very good.
Niles: I can't believe she could have planned this. You do learn something about a woman when you've slept in a room next to hers for fifteen years.
[N.B. Actually less time - Niles and Maris dated for three years, lived together in marriage for eleven, and were separated for two before he finally filed for divorce, which took another two years - Mike Lee]
They are all uncomfortable and irritated, particularly Daphne. A thump on the door is heard.
Frasier: Oh, that must be the paper.
Daphne: So, she just happened to be posing with a loaded crossbow at the exact moment he burst in on her?
Niles: And don't you just know the prosecutor is going to try to twist that into something sinister?
Frasier has picked up the paper.
Frasier: Oh, dear. It's on the front page.
Martin: They don't mention Niles, do they?
Frasier: Well, let me see. Ah, here we are, yes. [reading] Uh, "Maris Crane is believed to have gotten the crossbow from her ex- husband, Dr. Niles Crane, with whom she lunched on the day of the murder."
Martin: [looking over shoulders at the paper] Is that you and Maris on your honeymoon?
Niles: Ah, that is the experimental liposuction center in Gstaad. [wistfully] So, yes.
Frasier: "According to sources, Crane divorced the accused some years ago to marry her plastic surgeon, whom he left in order... to marry..." Oh, dear.
Daphne: [snatching the paper] "To marry Daphne Moon... a housekeeper." Oh, that's just lovely.
Niles: Now, now, now, the press is notorious for getting things wrong.
Frasier: Yes, Niles is right. For example look, further on here it says, ha-ha, "Dr. Crane is the brother of local deejay, Frazer--with a 'Z'--Crane." You just have to laugh these things off.
He fakes some more chuckles.
Daphne: Well, I can't laugh. That horrible woman has managed to slither her way back into our lives.
Niles: No, she is not back in our life. This whole thing is going to blow over in no time.
Daphne: How can you be so calm?
Niles: Well, in situations such as this, there are only two ways to
react: either you go to pieces or you stay calm, and I've chosen to do the latter.
Frasier: Bravo, Niles, that's very healthy.
Martin: Well, you'd better go home, son, and get some sleep, you've had a long night.
Niles: That is a good idea.
Frasier: I'll call you later.
Niles: Thank you. [with forced enthusiasm] Oh! We have your doctor's appointment this morning.
Daphne: Oh, don't worry, you don't have to come.
Niles: Oh. And miss hearing my baby's heartbeat? I don't think so. [naively] Plenty of time to sleep after the baby's born.
Niles and Daphne exit.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FAIR AND UNBALANCED
Scene Three - Café Nervosa Frasier, Niles, and Roz are sitting down
Roz: Niles, how are you holding up?
Niles: Apart from the lack of sleep, I'm all right. Although, now that it's in the news that I provided the crossbow I can't go anywhere without people whispering and pointing.
His mobile rings.
Niles: Oh, excuse me. [answers] Hello? Hello, Maris. Oh, I'm-I'm so sorry. That's awful. I'll-I'll-I'll do what I can. All right. [hangs up] Oh, that was Maris. Poor thing lost her shoes.
Frasier looks at him incredulously.
Niles: She put them outside her cell to be polished, and... someone named Big Judy is holding them for ransom.
Frasier: Well, how often does she call you?
Niles: Uh, more often than you'd think she could, being in jail.
Roz: Hasn't she made your life hard enough?
Niles: Oh, I can't turn my back on her now, Roz, she's literally fighting for her life.
Engine noises are heard outside, and Niles glances out the window. He glances out the window
Niles: Oh, wonderful. More news vans. Maybe it's time I made a statement. [starts to rise]
Frasier: No, no, absolutely not, Niles. That is the worst possible thing you could do. It would only fan the flames. I'll tell you what. Why don't you slip out the back way, and I will talk to them for you.
Niles: Oh, that... there's no need, Frasier.
Frasier: No, Niles, I insist. I'm used to dealing with these media jackals. You have no idea how they can twist your words with editing tricks and such. All right, off you go.
Frasier escorts Niles to the back door.
Niles: Thank you, Frasier. The media corps has entered the cafe.
Reporter: Is Niles Crane in here?
Frasier: He is not. I will be speaking on his behalf. Gentlemen, you may roll tape. [He prepares for his delivery.] Good afternoon, Seattle, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, spokesman for the Crane family.
We see the camera point of view.
Frasier: Recent events involving my brother, Niles Crane and his ex-wife are tragic, almost as tragic as the rampant media speculation concerning his involvement. If there is any justice in the world, Maris Crane and Niles Crane will soon be executed. Thank you, that is all I have to say.
He returns to his table as the camera crew begins to leave, in a buzz of excitement. Roz quickly whispers in his ear.
Frasier: I said no such thing. I did? I did. Excuse me? Excuse me! Come back!
FADE OUT as Frasier runs after the press corps.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Scene Four - Frasier's apartment Frasier and Martin are watching the news.
Frasier: [v.o.] Maris Crane and Niles Crane will soon be executed. Martin mutes the TV.
Martin: That's four times in one newscast. Must be some kind of record.
Frasier: They know I meant "exonerated."
He covers his face and groans. Niles and Daphne enter. They are not amused.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne, Niles. Listen, I'm, I'm so sorry about today's little gaffe. You know what I meant.
Daphne: Oh, don't worry. Anyone can make a little slip. We know you were only trying to ruin our lives--[feigning self-correction] I mean, help.
She glares at him.
Frasier: Niles, once again, I'm so sorry...
Niles: No, no, Frasier, please, it's all right. I should have talked to them myself. I hope it'll be all right if we stay with you for a while.
Martin: Why? What happened?
Niles: Well, since Frasier's little press conference, the media frenzy has only increased. It's become a nuisance for our neighbors. TV crews, news helicopters, plus the entire press corps from Esteban's hometown in Argentina.
Daphne: Last night some cheeky bloke from the Buenos Aires Herald climbed a tree and took a picture of old Mrs. Gottschalk in her sitz bath.
Niles: Apparently, the readership of the Herald is mostly lonely gauchos.
He overdoes his reaction to his own joke. Daphne glares at him.
Frasier: You know, Niles, your good cheer in spite of everything is just remarkable.
Niles: Well, I've chosen not to let it get to me, and it hasn't. Of course, most of the credit goes to my Daphne. I'm truly blessed to have such a loving and supportive wife. She is at once my huggle-bunny and my rock.
Daphne: I think I might throw up.
Niles: Huggle-bunny was a bit much.
Daphne: No, no, my stomach is upset.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne, can I get you something?
Daphne: Oh, thank you, Frasier. I wouldn't mind ten years in prison- oh, I meant crackers.
Niles feigns laughter.
Frasier: Well, uh, I-I guess I deserved that, but may I remind you I'm a bit of a victim myself... [haunted voice] as just yesterday I was punched in the face by a man... now dead.
They bow their heads, shamed.
Frasier: Thank you. Frasier goes to the kitchen. Niles's cell phone rings.
Niles: Hello? Hello, Mm--M [swallowing it] No, no I haven't forgotten. Yes, I'll try to get there tomorrow morning. All right, goodbye, Mm... [He hangs up.]
Daphne: That was Maris, wasn't it? Where will you be tomorrow morning?
Niles: [guiltily] The jail. I-I-I said I'd try to visit her...
Daphne: Have you lost your bloody mind? I have tried to be patient, but this is too much! [rising] You promised me that woman would be out of our lives! Now she's calling every minute, the papers reporting as though you two are still married, and I can't even sleep in my own bed!
Niles: I know, darling, b-but you can't blame me for everything that's happened.
Daphne: The hell I can't! If you hadn't have snuck off to have lunch with her, we never would have been dragged into this, and you wouldn't be sleeping alone on the couch tonight! But you did, and we were, so you are! [passing Frasier] I hate that kind of cracker!
She storms back to her old room.
Martin: Boy, that was kind of harsh.
Frasier: I'll say, these are imported from Belgium.
Niles: Poor thing, she's over-tired and a little hormonal. I'll-I'll go try to talk her into choosing to be calm.
He goes after Daphne.
Martin: Boy, he's really holding up well.
Frasier: A little too well. I'm starting to fear he's not dealing with his emotions at all.
Martin: Right. That's the whole secret to holding up.
Frasier: Dad, it's called "repression" and it is not healthy. The man is a walking pressure-cooker. It's his senior year all over again.
Martin: What are you talking about?
Frasier: Oh, that's right. He swore me to secrecy. [beat] Well...
He leans forward as Martin sits up to listen.
Frasier: Niles got mono and he missed four weeks of class, right? So, he was studying around the clock trying to catch up. Just before finals, his girlfriend dumped him - for his roommate. Niles insisted he was just fine - right up until the very moment when they found him in the all-night grocery, sitting in a freezer bin talking to a bag of frozen corn, whispering "Why so cold, my love?"
Niles re-enters, carrying bedding. His cheerfulness is becoming increasingly taut.
Niles: All calm!
Martin: Want me to help you make up the couch?
Niles: No, no, I can manage.
Martin: Okay, well, I think I'll hit the rack too.
He exits.
Frasier: Sherry, Niles? [holds out a glass]
Niles: Oh, how lovely, thank you.
Frasier: To the balcony?
Niles: Mm, after you.
They carry their drinks out to the balcony.
Frasier: Niles, while I admire your initial fortitude, I can't help thinking you may have taken things to extremes. As you know, it can be dangerous to repress one's emotions.
Niles: True, but there is no way of weathering a situation like this without a certain degree of detachment.
Frasier: Are you sure you're not too detached?
Niles: Oh, nonsense, everything's under control.
The sound of an approaching helicopter is heard.
Niles: Oh, look at that!
Frasier: What in the hell?!
A spotlight bathes Frasier and Niles.
Niles: [shouting] Just a news chopper. Pay it no mind.
Frasier: [yelling over the rotors] That doesn't bother you?!
Niles: You get used to it.
He waves at the chopper.
Frasier: Oh, for heaven's sake, get inside! [shouting at the helicopter] You should be ashamed of yourselves! You know perfectly well I meant EXONERATED!!
He goes back inside. FADE TO:
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Café Nervosa Niles approaches the counter. Roz is there. Niles is still wearing his suit, but looking very haggard.
Niles: Hello, Roz.
Roz: Hi, Niles! A cappuccino, please. And one for him. You don't look so good.
Niles: Well, I didn't get much sleep last night--again.
Roz: Well, I'm surprised you're here after yesterday.
Niles: I refuse to be cowed into changing my routines. Let me get this. I have my coffee, I go to work. Of course, all my patients want to talk about is Maris. [mechanically dropping bills on the counter] Esteban's crazed brother left me a message saying I owe him some sort of blood debt. [chuckles] I tell you, some days it just doesn't pay to get off the sofa. [He adjusts his kinked neck.]
Roz: You've had it pretty rough.
Niles: What are my choices? I can go to pieces or I can bear up and live my normal life. Can I get a straw, please?
Waitress: Oh sorry, sir, that was the last one.
Niles takes that in. Roz looks at him, worried.
Niles: I see. [with meaning] The last straw. Gosh, is it warm in here? [He begins to loosen his tie.] It is. It is. It's warm in here. Oh, it's suffocating. [He removes his tie.] There, that's better.
Roz: I'll get you a straw, Niles. Do you need a straw?
Niles: Oh, no, no, you heard her. There are no more straws.
He has now removed his jacket.
Niles: Oh, that feels so much better! [He begins to untuck his shirt.] Oh, everything was just so tight before!
He is now unbuttoning his shirt, straining with the last buttons.
Niles: Ahh, ye-es! Oh! Coffee shop without straws? [giggles maniacally] It makes no sense!
He has removed his shirt, revealing his undershirt. He then reaches down and tosses away his shoes.
Roz: You can borrow my straw, see?
Niles: [loosening his belt and removing his pants] Oh, this is great! I was being smothered! Oh, I can breathe. I don't know how you stand it!
Niles hops out of view as he removes his pants, wearing only his undershirt, shorts, and socks. By now of course, everyone is staring at him in horror. Roz desperately makes a call on her mobile.
Roz: Hello, Frasier, it's me. How close are you to the cafe? All right, well hurry up and park because Niles is almost completely...
She looks. Niles is now seated at the window, not wearing a thing, and "hiding" behind the newspaper he's calmly reading.
Roz: Niles is completely naked! [She hangs up and approaches him.] Oh... Niles!
Barista: I'm calling the cops.
Roz: The hell you are! This man's tips alone have probably paid for all the pot you'll ever smoke. Just back off, cowboy! And that goes for the rest of you, too.
Frasier rushes in. Roz indicates Niles. Frasier approaches him and sits.
Frasier: Hello, Niles.
Niles: [still reading the paper] Hey.
Frasier: What's going on?
Niles: Heat wave in Texas.
Frasier: Well, uh, Niles, maybe you should put some clothes on.
Niles: Ah... nah. No, too much, too much on me. I'm feeling very constricted. [Frasier gently reaches out] I'm fine now, don't touch me.
Frasier: Niles, look at yourself.
Niles does so literally, looking down.
Niles: Hello! [chuckles] I think I'm having that dream where I'm naked in Nervosa!
Frasier: I think a lot of people are having that dream. We have to go now, Niles.
Niles begins to rise. Frasier stops him.
Frasier: But! - you're not getting in my car like that. He gets up and goes to the counter.
Roz: Is he okay?
Frasier: It's just a panic attack. It's happened before, but he's never been quite this close to butterfly-net territory.
He and Roz gather Niles's clothes.
Frasier: [to the Barista] May I have your apron, please? The Barista quickly complies.
Frasier: [to the waitress] And, and yours?
She also surrenders her apron. Frasier gives Niles's clothes to Roz, then carries the aprons over.
Frasier: All right, Niles. I'm going to wrap you up like a big, green Christmas present. You like Christmas, don't you?
He places one apron over Niles's head, covering his front. Niles rises.
Frasier: There we are.
Niles: Ooh, okay.
Frasier covers Niles's backside with the other apron as Roz delivers the following speech.
Roz: Okay, listen up! Me and my friends are going to back out of here, nice and easy. As far as any of you are concerned, this never happened. And if any of you decide to be a hero and call the police... trust me, I will find you!
The waiters and guests are scared into submission.
Frasier: Wow, Roz, that was persuasive.
Roz: Yeah, well, there's nothing worse than waking up naked with a bunch of cops standing around. I've been there...
Roz and Frasier escort Niles out, as Roz starts to tell the story.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Six - The Montana Martin, Daphne, and Frasier are seated. Niles comes down the stairs in his bathrobe.
Martin: Well, there he is! Rise and shine, lazybones!
Niles: [still being calm] I'm surprised it's still light out. I thought it would be dark by now.
Frasier: Well, it was already. You've been asleep for twenty hours.
Niles: Oh, well, I guess I needed it.
Daphne: So how are you feeling?
Niles: Oh, much better. Frasier, I'm so sorry I embarrassed you.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, you didn't embarrass me one bit. Well, maybe just a little... On our way to the car the breeze from a passing school bus turned your apron into a cape, and...
The phone rings. Daphne answers.
Daphne: Hello? [She covers the mouthpiece.] It's Maris. You don't have to take this.
Niles: No, I really should. [taking the phone] Hello, Maris! Yes, yes, listen, there's something I want to say...Yes, but...
Frasier, Martin, and Daphne trade a look of hopelessness.
Niles: [losing his patience] Well, of course you're alone! You're alone because you killed your boyfriend!
The rest of the family react to this.
Niles: Now, I am on your side, but there is a limit because I have a wonderful, pregnant wife, and as far as my attention is concerned, she comes first, always! I will help you through this, but now, you have to help me by saying goodbye. No, no, no, what do you have to say? Yes, goodbye. [hangs up]
Frasier: Now there's the Niles that's been missing in action.
Daphne: Thanks for what you said about me, though I haven't been completely wonderful.
Niles: [zero tolerance] No, you've been irritable and you made me sleep on a couch.
Frasier: That's the stuff, Niles, doesn't it feel good to get it off your chest?
Niles: Oh, stuff it, Mr. Malaprop! Family spokesman, the Manson family should have a spokesman like you!
Martin: [delighted] He's really getting the hang of this, isn't he?
Niles: And you! I'd have been home from that jail an hour earlier if you hadn't convinced your buddies to let you squeeze off a few rounds into a dumpster!
Daphne: You kept him waiting while I was at home worried sick?!
Martin: I was doing him a favor! I was keeping him away from you and your hormones.
Daphne: Oh, some favor! Making me stay with Frasier! He made me do housework!
Martin and Niles react with horror.
Daphne: I'd forgotten that until this moment!
Niles: You made her do housework!
Frasier: I did no such thing!
Martin: A pregnant woman?! That's pretty low!
Frasier: [self-righteous] Oh, fine! Fine! Turn your anger on me. It's almost as if you'd forgotten that [haunted voice] not three days ago I was punched in the face by a man now dead.
They bow their heads, shamed.
Frasier: Thank you! [then] Now who wants pancakes? They all answer in the affirmative and move to the kitchen.
[SCENE_BREAK]
END OF ACT TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
Niles walks into Nervosa to return the aprons, which are cleaned, pressed, folded, and on hangers. The waiter shakes his hand and accepts the aprons. The waitress gives him a cup of coffee. Another waiter approaches from behind and offers him a straw. He declines, pulling a cigarette case from his jacket, which he opens and reveals that it is filled with stirring straws. | Plan: A: Maris; Q: Who was arrested for the murder of her Argentine boyfriend? A: the police; Q: Who does everyone in the restaurant not want to call? A: questioning; Q: What did the police call Niles in for? A: an antique crossbow; Q: What was the murder weapon? A: the police interview; Q: What does Niles survive? A: several days; Q: How long did Niles and Daphne have to endure the press and sleep deprivation? A: persecution; Q: What does the press do to Niles and Daphne? A: sleep deprivation; Q: What is one of the things that Niles and Daphne endure during the investigation? A: endless phone calls; Q: What does Maris do to Niles? A: prison; Q: Where is Maris? A: Frasier; Q: Who offers to make a television statement on Niles' behalf? A: a horrendous malapropism; Q: What does Frasier say on camera that makes the situation worse? A: his brother; Q: Who did Frasier mistakenly say should be executed? A: the whole situation; Q: What is Niles dealing with calmly? A: repression; Q: What does Frasier know the dangers of? A: a nervous breakdown; Q: What does Niles suffer in Café Nervosa? A: a newspaper; Q: What is Niles reading when he has a nervous breakdown? A: Roz; Q: Who defends Niles? A: safety; Q: What does Frasier get Niles to after he has a nervous breakdown? A: his and Daphne's life; Q: What does Niles say is most important? Summary: Maris has been arrested for the murder of her Argentine boyfriend, and the police have called in Niles for questioning. It soon becomes apparent that the murder weapon was an antique crossbow belonging to Niles, which he had lent to Maris for an artistic re-enactment. Even though Niles emerges unscathed from the police interview, he and Daphne have to endure several days of persecution by the press and sleep deprivation , not to mention endless phone calls from Maris in prison. The situation becomes worse when Frasier offers to make a television statement on Niles' behalf, and once on camera makes a horrendous malapropism , mistakenly saying his brother should be " executed " (meaning to say " exonerated "). All this time, Niles is dealing very calmly with the whole situation - almost too calmly, in fact, and Frasier knows the dangers of repression . Things finally break down in Café Nervosa, when Niles suffers a nervous breakdown . He undresses and ends up sitting at a table, completely naked, reading a newspaper. Roz defends Niles, keeping everyone in the restaurant from calling the police, while Frasier is able to get him to safety. After things have calmed down and Niles' breakdown ended, Maris calls once more. He says he'll help her, but his and Daphne's life is first and foremost and she cannot call every second. |
Jouney: Aristotle, this is Wasp Delta, do you hear me? [ALARM BLARES] Stay with me, Kai. Stay with me, please. Aristotle! We have been hit. Major damage. Aristotle!
[LASERS ARE FIRED]
Jouney: Aristotle! The enemy are right on top of us.
[ALARM BLARES]
Jouney: I'm sorry.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek: Exterminate.
[HER SCREAMS ECHO]
[SHE GASPS]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[TARDIS]
The Doctor: You'll probably feel a bit sick. Please, don't be.
Jouney: Where's my brother?
The Doctor: Hello, I'm the Doctor.
Jouney: He was right beside me. Where's Kai? How did I get here?
The Doctor: I materialised a time capsule exactly round you and saved your life one second before your ship exploded, but do please keep crying.
Jouney: My brother's just died.
The Doctor: His sister didn't. You're very welcome. Put the gun down.
Jouney: Or what?
The Doctor: Or you might shoot me. Then where will you be?
Jouney: In charge of your vessel.
The Doctor: You'd starve to death trying to find the light switch. Who are you?
Jouney: I'm Lieutenant Journey Blue of the Combined Galactic Resistance. I demand you take me back to my command ship, the Aristotle, which is currently located
The Doctor: No. Hey, not like that.
Jouney: You will take me back to my command ship, which is currently positioned
The Doctor: No, no. Come on. Not like that. Not like that. Get it right
Jouney: Will you take me back to my ship? Please?
The Doctor: The Aristotle's the big fella parked in the asteroid belt, yeah?
Jouney: It's shielded.
The Doctor: More or less.
[METALLIC THRUMMING]
The Doctor: Dry your eyes, Journey Blue. Crying's for civilians. It's how we communicate with you lot.
[ANNOUNCEMENTS OVER TANNOY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: It's smaller on the outside.
The Doctor: It's a bit more exciting when you go the other way. This isn't a battleship. Medical insignia. It's a hospital.
Morgan: We don't need hospitals now. The Daleks don't leave any wounded, and we don't take any prisoners.
The Doctor: I saved your little friend here, if that's in any way relevant to mention.
Jouney: That's true, sir. He did.
Morgan: Thank you.
The Doctor: You're welcome. I wish I could've done more.
Morgan: Then you should have.
The Doctor: Okay.
Morgan: But you did save Journey, and for that I am personally grateful.
The Doctor: Well
Morgan: However, the security of this base is absolute. So we're still going to kill you.
The Doctor: Oh, it's a roller coaster with you, isn't it?
Morgan: Shoot him, bag him and throw him outside.
Jouney: No! Stop!
Morgan: I'm sorry. He might be a duplicate.
Jouney: He's a doctor. And we have a patient, don't we, Uncle?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Corridor]
The Doctor: Why does a hospital need a doctor?
Morgan: The Aristotle wasn't always hidden. The Daleks got here before us.
Jouney: You don't like soldiers much, do you?
The Doctor: You don't need to be liked. You've got all the guns.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
The Doctor: Wow! A moleculon nanoscaler.
Jouney: You know what it does, then?
The Doctor: It miniaturises living matter. What's the medical application, though? Do you use it to shrink the surgeons so they can climb inside the patients?
Morgan: Exactly.
The Doctor: Fantastic idea for a movie. Terrible idea for a proctologist. Are you going to miniaturise me?
Morgan: You're a doctor, aren't you?
Morgan: And this is your patient.
The Doctor: No, you don't understand. You can't put me in there.
Rusty: Doctor?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[School playground]
[FEET STAMP]
Danny: Atten-shun. Look at you lot. I've never seen such a miserable bunch. What are you, children?
Flemming: Yes, sir.
[BELL RINGS, CHILDREN LAUGH]
Danny: You think you're funny, Fleming?
Flemming: Yes, sir.
Danny: All right, me too.
Danny: Dismissed.
[CHILDREN CHATTER]
Boy: What you doing, Fleming?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Office]
Secretary: So, Mister Pink, did you have a good weekend?
Danny: Yeah, I did, thanks.
Secretary: Yeah, I'll bet you did. What did you get up to?
Danny: Er, you know. A bit of reading.
Secretary: Oh, I bet you were reading.
Danny: I was, yeah.
Secretary: Yeah, I bet you were.
Danny: Well, yeah, I was.
Secretary: I know your type.
Courtney: She wishes.
[CHILDREN LAUGH]
Secretary: Be quiet, you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Classroom]
Danny: So that's all the questions on page 32, except the last one, and then everything on page 33. All that in for Thursday. Any questions?
Flemming: Sir? Have you ever killed a man?
[GROANING]
Danny: I was a soldier. There were other soldiers and some of them weren't on our side. I shall leave the rest to your imagination. And, please, think of another question?
Flemming: Okay. Have you ever killed anyone who wasn't a soldier?
Danny: Just to repeat, that's all the questions on page 32, except the last one, and then everything on page 33. All that in for Thursday. Is everyone clear?
Class: Yes, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Staff room]
[BUZZ OF CONVERSATION]
Clara: Fine, I'll take that class and then, they can do some of the test.
Armitage: I know. Oh, Clara, you've not met Danny Pink yet? New fella, maths. Danny? Clara Oswald.
Clara: Hey.
Armitage: English.
Danny: Hey, nice to meet you.
Clara: You too.
Armitage: Want to watch yourself around him. Bit of a lady-killer, but always denies it.
Danny: I am not a lady-killer.
Armitage: See what I mean? Oh, Beth, can I have a word?
Beth (O.C.): Yeah, yeah, sure.
Clara: Er, was it you that I saw outside doing the soldiery thing?
Danny: Ah yeah, probably. The Coal Hill Cadets. Just a bit of fun.
Clara: What, teaching them how to shoot people?
Danny: There's a bit more to modern soldiering than just shooting people. I like to think there's a moral dimension.
Clara: Ah, you shoot people then cry about it afterwards?
Danny: Ah.
Clara: Something wrong?
Danny: Nothing, no. Sorry, no, nothing. I just. I didn't think they'd say anything, that's all.
Clara: Sorry?
Danny: Have they told everyone?
Clara: No, no, no. As far as I know, nobody has told anybody anything. What are you talking about?
Danny: Why did you just say the crying thing?
Clara: I was being funny.
Danny: Why?
Clara: I just do that.
Danny: Why?
Clara: I don't know.
Danny: Anyway I, er, I've left some stuff in my class.
Clara: Okay, see you.
Danny: See you.
Clara: Er, are you going to the, er, leaving thing tonight for Cathy?
Danny: Um. [HE GRUNTS AND SIGHS]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Classroom]
Danny: Yeah! I wasn't going, but I am now, because you're going to be there, and suddenly it seems like the best idea ever.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Staff room]
Danny (sighing): No, I'm not.
Clara: Oh, okay, never mind.
Danny: Good night.
Clara: Change your mind.
Danny: Excuse me?
Clara: I'm going. Er, I'll give you a lift. Why not?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Classroom]
Danny: Actually, now that you mention it, seems like the best plan ever. Thank you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Staff room]
Danny: No, I've got some reading.
Clara: Ah, okay. Maybe some other time, then?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Classroom]
Danny: Thank you!
[LOUD THUDS]
Clara: Ahem. [THUDS STOP] Is the wooden sound you or or the desk?
Danny: How long have you been there?
Clara: Longer than you would like.
Danny: Okay.
Clara: Are you going to look that terrified when you take me out for a drink?
Danny: I, I absolutely promise I won't.
Clara: Play your cards right and you might. [SHE LAUGHS]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Cupboard]
Clara: Where the hell have you been?
The Doctor: You sent me for coffee.
Clara: Three weeks ago. In Glasgow.
The Doctor: Three weeks, that's a long time.
Clara: In Glasgow. That's dead in a ditch.
The Doctor: It's not my fault, I got distracted.
Clara: By what?
The Doctor: You can always find something. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[TARDIS]
The Doctor: Why were you smiling?
Clara: Was I? No, I wasn't.
The Doctor: You were smiling at nothing. I'd almost say you were in love, but to be honest
Clara: Honest?
The Doctor: You're not a young woman any more.
Clara: Yes, I am.
The Doctor: Well, you don't look it.
Clara: I do look it.
The Doctor: Oh, that's right, keep your spirits up, Clara, Clara, Clara, Clara. Clara, Clara. Clara, Clara. I need something from you. I need the truth.
Clara: Okay. Right, what is it? What's
Clara: You're scared.
The Doctor: I'm terrified.
Clara: Of what?
The Doctor: The answer to my next question, which must be honest and cold and considered, without kindness or restraint. Clara, be my pal and tell me, am I a good man?
Clara: I don't know.
The Doctor: Neither do I.
Clara: Er, hey, no offence, but I've got plans.
The Doctor: I need you.
Clara: Right. Where are we going?
The Doctor: Into darkness.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Rusty's room]
Rusty: Doc...tor!
The Doctor: How do you know who I am?
Morgan: He doesn't. We promised him medical assistance.
Rusty: Are you my doctor?
Jouney: We found it floating in space.
Morgan: We thought it was deactivated, so we tried to disassemble it.
The Doctor: You didn't realise there was a living creature inside.
Jouney: Not till it started screaming.
Rusty: Help me.
The Doctor: [HE SCOFFS] Why would I do that? Why would any living creature help you?
Rusty: Daleks will die.
The Doctor: Die all you like. Not my problem.
Rusty: Daleks must be destroyed.
The Doctor: Daleks must be de. What did you just say?
Rusty: All Daleks must die. I will destroy the Daleks. Destroy the Daleks. DESTROY THE DALEKS!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[TARDIS]
Clara: A good Dalek?
The Doctor: There's no such thing.
Clara: That's a bit inflexible. Not like you. I'd almost say prejudiced.
The Doctor: [HE SIGHS] Do I pay you? I should give you a raise.
Clara: You're not my boss, you're one of my hobbies.
The Doctor: Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Jouney: That was quick.
The Doctor: This is gun girl. She's got a gun, and she's a girl. This is a sort of boss one. Are you the same one as before?
Morgan: Yes.
The Doctor: I think he's probably her uncle, but I may have made that up to pass the time while they were talking. This is Clara, not my assistant. She's, er, some other word.
Clara: I'm his carer.
The Doctor: Yeah, my carer. She cares so I don't have to.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Rusty's room]
Rusty: Doctor.
The Doctor: Hello again.
Rusty: Will you help me?
Clara: Will you?
The Doctor: A Dalek so damaged, it's turned good. Morality as malfunction. How do I resist?
Rusty: Daleks must die. Daleks must die.
Clara: So, what do we do with a moral Dalek, then?
The Doctor: We get into its head.
Clara: Mmm. How do you get into a Dalek's head?
The Doctor: That wasn't a metaphor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Jouney: These are nanocontrollers. Once we're miniaturised, they take over the molecular compression. When the mission's over, hit the button.
Jouney: Are you sure you understand?
Clara: Why wouldn't I?
Jouney: Because this is a dangerous mission and you look like a school teacher.
Clara: I am a school teacher. Still didn't catch your name.
Jouney: Journey Blue.
Clara: Blue?
Jouney: Blue, yes. Problem?
Clara: No. Er, I just met a soldier called Pink.
Jouney: Lucky fella.
Clara: Lucky?
Jouney: From the way you smile.
Clara: So, er, who makes you smile or is nobody up to the job?
Jouney: My brother. But he burned to death a couple of hours ago, so he's really letting me down today. Excuse me.
The Doctor: What are those ones for? I don't need armed baby-sitters.
Gretchen: We're not baby-sitters.
Ross: We're here to shoot you dead if you turn out to be a Dalek spy.
The Doctor: Well, that's a relief. I hate baby-sitters.
Jouney: Okay, listen up. Now, remember, do not hold your breath when the nanoscaler engages. You'll feel like you want to, but you must keep breathing normally during the miniaturisation process.
Clara: Why?
The Doctor: Ever microwaved a lasagne without pricking the film on top?
Clara: It explodes.
The Doctor: Don't be lasagne.
Morgan: Nanoscaler engaging in five four three two. Nanoscaler engaging now.
[WHIRRING]
Computer: Nanoscaling in progress.
[BEEPING]
[LOUD THUD, WHIRRING STOPS]
Computer: Nanoscaling complete.
Morgan: Nanoscaling successful. Everyone okay in there?
Journey (O.C.): We made it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: Nobody popped.
Clara: Whoa. Ha. I can't believe this.
The Doctor: No, neither can I.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Morgan: We'll be following you all the way, Rescue One. Good luck all of you.
Computer: Integration complete. Dalek levels steady.
[VOICES ECHO]
Clara: That was weird.
The Doctor: You've seen nothing yet.
Clara: What are the lights?
The Doctor: Visual impulses travelling towards the brain.
Clara: Beautiful.
The Doctor: Welcome to the most dangerous place in the universe.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Journey (O.C.): Entering the cranial ledge now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: Here.
Clara: Oh, my God.
The Doctor: Behold, the belly of the beast.
Clara: It's amazing.
Ross: It's huge.
Gretchen: No, Ross. We're tiny.
Clara: So how big is it, that living part, compared to me and you, right now?
The Doctor: You see all those cables?
Clara: Yeah.
The Doctor: They're not all cables.
[SARCASTIC GASP, SHE LAUGHS]
Ross: Does it know we're here?
Jouney: It's what invited us in.
The Doctor: Now, this is the cortex vault, a supplementary electronic brain. Memory banks, but more than that. This is what keeps the Dalek pure.
Gretchen: How are Daleks pure?
The Doctor: Dalek mutants are born hating. This is what stokes the fire, extinguishes even the tiniest glimmer of kindness or compassion. Imagine the worst possible thing in the universe, then don't bother, because you're looking at it right now. This is evil refined as engineering.
Rusty (O.C.}: Doc...tor?
[VOICE ECHOES]
The Doctor: Oh, hello, Rusty. You don't mind if I call you Rusty? We're going to need to come down there with you. Medical examination, and all that.
Gretchen: What, with those tentacles and things?
Jouney: How close do we have to get?
The Doctor: Well, you know, we're never going to insert a thermometer from up here.
[CLICK AND WHIRRING]
[THUD!]
[LOUD SCREAM]
The Doctor: No. No, no, no, no! Stop, stop, stop, you idiot!
Jouney: We need a way down, the only way
The Doctor: This is a Dalek, not a machine. It's a perfect analogue of a living being, and you just hurt it. So what's going to happen now?
Clara: Oh, God.
Gretchen: What? What is it?
[DRONING]
Clara: Antibodies?
The Doctor: Dalek antibodies.
[DRONING GETS LOUDER]
The Doctor: Nobody move Any attempt to help him, or attack those things, will identify you as a secondary source of infection. Stay still!
[BUZZING]
Clara: But the Dalek wants us in here. Why is it attacking?
The Doctor: Can you control your antibodies?
Jouney: Ross, stay calm. We're going to get you out of this.
Clara: Can you?
The Doctor: Ross, swallow that.
Ross: What is it?
The Doctor: Trust me.
Ross: Now what?
[BUZZING AND BEEPING]
[CRIES OF PAIN]
Jouney: Ross!
Clara: Oh, my God. What's it doing?
The Doctor: The hoovering.
[THEY GASP]
The Doctor: Gotcha.
Clara: What did you give him?
The Doctor: Oh, just a spare power cell, but I can track the radiation signature. I need to know where they dump the bodies.
Jouney: I thought you were saving him.
The Doctor: He was dead already. I was saving us. Follow me and run.
Clara: Run!
[BUZZING]
The Doctor: They've dumped him in here. Organic refuse disposal. We need to get in there.
Clara: Why?
[LASERS FIRE]
The Doctor: Those antibodies won't give up until we're inside there. I'd rather go in alive than dead.
Jouney: You don't know where it goes.
The Doctor: Yes, I do. Away from here. Now in. In! In!
[LASER FIRE CONTINUES, CLARA YELPS]
Gretchen: Whoa-agh-oh! I can hold them off.
The Doctor: No, you can't.
[BUZZING]
The Doctor: Pull back. Down. Jump, everyone, jump.
[SCREAMING]
Whoa-oh-agh!
[HE LAUGHS]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clara
: Urgh. What is this stuff?
[HE PANTS]
The Doctor: People. The Daleks need protein. Occasionally, they harvest from their victims. This is a feeding tube.
Jouney: Is Ross here?
The Doctor: Yeah. Top layer, if you want to say a few words.
Jouney: A man has just died. You will not talk like that.
The Doctor: A lot of people have died. Everything in here is dead, and do you know why that's good?
Jouney: There is nothing good about that.
The Doctor: Nothing is alive in here, so logically this is the weakest spot in the Dalek's internal security. Nobody guards the dead. Mortuaries and larders, always the easiest to break out of. Oh, I've lived a life Tell Uncle Stupid that we're in. Ah ha! A bolt hole.
Clara: He'll get us out of here. The difficult part is not killing him before he can.
The Doctor: Bolt hole. Actually, a hole for a bolt. Does nobody get that?
Clara: Also, there's the puns.
The Doctor: Watch it, decontamination tubes are hot.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Computer: Anomaly threat displaced. Dalek levels returning to normal parameters.
Journey (O.C.): Rescue One to Mission Control.
Morgan: This is Blue, Rescue One. Report.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney:The Dalek has an internal defence mechanism.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Journey (O.C.): We've lost Ross.
Morgan: What kind of defence mechanism?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan (O.C.}
: That thing knows you're in there to help it.
Jouney: Yeah, well, who knows? It's a Dalek. We're going to continue the mission.
The Doctor: Are you all right back there? It's a bit narrow, isn't it?
Clara: Any remarks about my hips will not be appreciated.
The Doctor: Ach, your hips are fine. You're built like a man.
Clara: (quietly) Thanks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[CRACKLING]
The Doctor: What's that noise? Are you wearing a Geiger counter?
Gretchen: Standard battle equipment. That's just low level radiation.
The Doctor: But stronger down here, for some reason. Gimme.
Morgan (O.C.}: Was that him?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Morgan: How's he working out?
Journey (O.C.): It's hard to say.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: He's
The Doctor: I've got it. I know what's wrong with Rusty.
Clara: Okay, that's good. Is that good?
The Doctor: Well, you know how I said this was the most dangerous place in the universe? I was wrong. It's way more dangerous than that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Journey (O.C.): Colonel, we have radiation indicators red-lining in here. Could be that the Dalek is badly damaged than we thought.
Morgan: Copy that.
The Doctor (O.C.): Old Rusty here is suffering a trionic radiation leak.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: It's poisoning the Dalek and us. Just as well we're here.
Jouney: Really? Perhaps we should get out while we can. Why should we trust a Dalek? Why would it change?
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor (on viewer)
: Good question. Rusty? What changed you?
Rusty: I saw beauty.
The Doctor (on viewer): You saw what?
Rusty: In the silence and the cold, I saw worlds burning.
Journey (on viewer): That's not beauty, that's destruction.
Rusty: I saw
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty (O.C.}
: More.
The Doctor: What? What did you see?
Rusty (O.C.}: The birth of a star.
The Doctor: Stars are born every day. You've seen a million stars born. So what?
Rusty (O.C.): Daleks have destroyed a million stars.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor (on viewer)
: Oh, millions and millions. Trust me, I keep count.
Rusty: And yet, new stars are born.
The Doctor (on viewer): Every time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty (O.C.)
: Resistance is futile.
The Doctor: Resistance to what?
Rusty (O.C.): Life returns. Life prevails. Resistance is futile.
The Doctor: So you saw a star being born, and you learned something. Oh, Dalek, do not be lying to me. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Journey (O.C.): Heading for the Trionic power cells, Colonel.
Morgan: Radiation approxing two hundred Rads. Danger levels.
Computer: Radiation levels increasing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: We're at the heart of the Dalek.
Clara: It's incredible.
Jouney: Geiger counter's off the scale. Looks like it's about to blow.
The Doctor: Good.
Jouney: How is that good?
The Doctor: Well, I like a bit of pressure. Rusty, can you hear me?
Rusty (O.C.): Doctor?
The Doctor: Rusty, we've found the damage. I'm sealing up the breach in your power cell.
The Doctor: No more radiation poisoning. Good as new. There. Job done.
Clara: That's it? Just like that?
The Doctor: An anti-climax once in a while is good for my hearts. Rusty? How do you feel? Rusty? Rusty? Rusty.
Rusty (O.C.): The malfunction is corrected.
Jouney: What's happened?
The Doctor: Not entirely sure.
Jouney: It's like it's waking up.
The Doctor: Rusty, come on, talk to me. What's going on?
Rusty (O.C.): The malfunction is corrected. All systems are functioning.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Rusty's room]
Rusty: Weapons charged.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: Oh, no, no, no.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Rusty's room]
Rusty: Exterminate. Exterminate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: No, no, no,
Rusty (O.C.): Exterminate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Rusty: Exterminate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty (O.C.)
: The Daleks will be victorious The rebels will be exterminated.
Jouney: Colonel? What's happening out there?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Rusty: Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate.
Rusty: Exterminate. (and another) Exterminate.
Morgan: Pull back, pull back.
Rusty: Dalek fleet. Communications open.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek
: The rebel ship has been identified.
Dalek 2: Prepare fourteen Daleks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clara
: Doctor, what happened?
The Doctor: Do you see?
Clara: Do I see what?
The Doctor: Daleks don't turn good. It was just radiation affecting its brain chemistry, nothing more than that. No miracle.
Jouney: Let me get this straight. We had a good Dalek, and we made it bad again? That's all we've done?
The Doctor: There was never a good Dalek. There was a broken Dalek and we repaired it.
Jouney: You were supposed to be helping us.
The Doctor: I gave it a shot. It didn't work out. It was a Dalek, what did you expect?
Jouney: No more talking. You are done! Okay, new objective. We are taking this Dalek down.
Rusty (O.C.): Exterminate. Exterminate.
The Doctor: What's that look for?
Clara: It's the look you get when I'm about to slap you.
The Doctor: Ow. Clara.
Clara: Are we going to die in here? I mean, there's a little bit of you that's pleased. The Daleks are evil after all. Everything makes sense. The Doctor is right.
The Doctor: Daleks are evil. Irreversibly so. That's what we just learned.
Clara: No, Doctor, that is not what we just learned.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty (O.C.)
: Exterminate. Exterminate.
Morgan: Secure the door! Wasp fighters to action stations. Wasp fighters to action stations.
Soldier (O.C.): The security systems have been hacked. We don't have access to the Wasps.
Morgan: Then God save us all.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: We need to place these charges for maximum effect. I'm going to scan the rest of the architecture for weaknesses.
Clara: One question.
Jouney: No time.
Clara: Why did we come here today? What was the point? You. You thought there was a good Dalek. What difference would one good Dalek make?
The Doctor: All the difference in the universe, but it's impossible.
Clara: Is that a fact? Is that really what we've learned today? Think about it. Is that what we've learned?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan
: Journey, what the hell's happening? That thing's set the Daleks on us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan (O.C.)
: And it's locked us out of our defences.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan
: Journey, you're the Aristotle's only hope.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan (O.C.)
: I need you to destroy that Dalek.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty
: The rebels will be exterminated.
Morgan: Whatever it takes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: Understood, Uncle.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan
: I'm sorry.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: Yeah. Me too.
The Doctor: Clara Oswald, do I really not pay you?
Clara: You couldn't afford me.
The Doctor: Whatever you're going to do, don't do it This Dalek must not be destroyed. We can do better.
Jouney: Are you out of your mind?
The Doctor: No, I'm inside a Dalek. I'm standing where I've never been. We cannot waste this chance. It won't come again.
Jouney: What chance? I have my orders.
The Doctor: Soldiers take orders.
Jouney: And I'm a soldier.
The Doctor: A Dalek is a better soldier than you will ever be. You can't win this way.
Jouney: Bah! So what do we do?
The Doctor: Something better.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek
: Prepare to board the rebel ship. We must find our comrade Dalek. Spare no humans. Exterminate them all.
Daleks: Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: The Dalek isn't just some angry blob in a Dalekanium tank. If it was, the radiation would have turned it into a raging lunatic.
Jouney: It is a raging lunatic, it's a Dalek.
The Doctor: But for a moment, it wasn't. The radiation allowed it to expand its consciousness, to consider things beyond its natural terms of reference. It became good. That means a good Dalek is possible. That's what we learned today. Am I right, teach?
Clara: Top of the class.
Jouney: But now it's back to how it was.
The Doctor: But what it saw, what it felt, is still there.
Jouney: Yeah, I'm not really seeing that.
The Doctor: Not here. There.
Jouney: You mean in the cortex vault?
Clara: The evil engineering?
The Doctor: Every memory recorded. Some suppressed, but all still intact. We need to show the Dalek that star being born again. Recreate that moment. You need to get up there, find that moment and reawaken it.
Clara: Me?
The Doctor: Yes, you. Good idea.
Clara: How?
The Doctor: Haven't the foggiest. Do a clever thing. And then once you've done it, the Dalek will be suggestible to new ideas. It will be open again. And I will show it something that will change its mind forever
Jouney: What? Not a clue.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dalek (O.C.)
: Docking initiated.
Dalek (O.C.): Pressures equalised. Boarding corp, begin attack.
Dalek 2: Advance. Exterminate the humans.
Daleks: Seek, locate, destroy. Surrender is not accepted.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: This is crazy. There is no way that we can get back up there in time.
Gretchen: Yes, there is.
Jouney: No, Gretchen. It'll bring the antibodies back down on us.
Gretchen: Tell me the truth. Is he mad, or is he right? I've come this far. Probably going to die anyway. Wouldn't mind something to do for the rest of my life. Is he mad, or is he right?
Clara: Hand on my heart? Most days he's both.
Gretchen: One question, then. Is this worth it?
The Doctor: If I can turn one Dalek, I can turn them all. I can save the future.
Gretchen: Gretchen Alison Carlisle. Do something good and name it after me.
The Doctor: I will do something amazing, I promise.
Gretchen: Damn well better.
[SHE LOCKS HER WEAPON]
Jouney: No, Gretchen.
[SHE FIRES]
[SHE FIRES AGAIN]
Gretchen: Go.
Clara: They're coming. They're coming.
Jouney: Grab hold of the rope. Don't look down.
Gretchen: Good luck.
[CLARA SCREAMS EXCITEDLY]
Agh!
[GRETCHEN SCREAMS]
[SCREAM SOFTENS TO A CONFUSED WHINE]
[SHE BREATHES HEAVILY]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Missy
: Hello. I'm Missy. Welcome to heaven. Would you like some tea? Little splosh? Lovely.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan
: Fire!
Dalek: Exterminate. Advance. Seek, locate, destroy.
Dalek 2: Seek, locate, destroy.
Dalek 3: Exterminate.
Dalek: Advance. Seek, locate.
Dalek 2: Exterminate. Exterminate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: Well, Rusty, here we are. Eye to eye.
Rusty: You cannot save the humans. They will be exterminated.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Rusty: I shall join the Dalek units in the final attack.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: So what do we do?
Clara: Er, a clever thing, quickly. Think, think, think, think, think. Some of the lights are out.
Jouney: Yeah, we've got a damaged Dalek. You want to complain to someone?
Clara: But it's not damaged, look at them.
Jouney: So?
Clara: So, the Doctor said this was a memory bank and some of the memories were suppressed. What if. What if the dark spots are hidden memories? What if one of those is the Dalek seeing a star?
Jouney: Seriously?
Clara: Yeah. Well, maybe. It's either that or the bulbs need changing.
Jouney: It really could be the bulbs.
Clara: Got a better idea?
Jouney: Really wish I had.
Clara: Yep, me too. Ah-ha.
Clara: Watch out for antibodies. Let's see if there's an on switch.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: I saved your life, Rusty. Now I'm going to go one better. I'm going to save your soul.
Rusty: Daleks do not have souls.
The Doctor: Oh, no? Imagine if you did. What then, Rusty? What would happen then?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clara
: I'm in the cortex.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: If there's a pack of spare bulbs, break it to me gently.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: Your memories. I'm about to give some back to you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: Are you okay? Clara?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clara
: Yeah. I think there was some sort of energy charge.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: You got the first lights on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clara
: Of course, it's a brain. Brains work with electrical pathways linking up memories. It's working. It's working, we're turning the memories back on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: See, all those years ago, when I began
The Doctor: I was just running. I called myself the Doctor, but it was just a name. And then I went to Skaro. And then I met you lot and I understood who I was. The Doctor was not the Daleks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daleks
: Exterminate.
Morgan: Fall back. Follow me. Fall back.
Daleks: Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: You'd better get a move on, There's company coming.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Daleks
: Exterminate. Exterminate.
Morgan: Fall back, fall back.
Daleks: Exterminate. Exterminate.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: Hurry up!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clara
: Show me a star, Rusty.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: Oh, look. It's your memories again. It's like somebody's mucking about up there. Memories, all those memories. Do you remember the star you saw being born?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Clara
: Almost done. One more to go.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: Hurry up, Clara! Hurry up.
Jouney: Clara, you did it. It's rebooting.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Journey (O.C.)
: The antibodies have reset.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty
: I, I remember.
The Doctor: You saw the truth, Rusty. Remember how you felt. You saw a star being born. The endless rebirth of the universe.
Rusty: No.
The Doctor: And you realised the truth about the Daleks
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty
: Truth? What is the truth?
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: Let me show you the truth. I've opened your mind and now I'm coming in.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan
: That door is never going to hold. But I'm damned if I'm going to make it easy for them.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: I'm part of you. My mind is in your mind.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Rusty: I see your mind, Doctor. I see your universe.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: And isn't the universe beautiful?
Rusty (O.C.): I see beauty.
The Doctor: Yes, that's good. That is good. Hold on to that.
Rusty (O.C.): I see endless, divine perfection.
The Doctor: Make it a part of you. Remember how you feel right now. Put it inside you and live by it.
Rusty (O.C.): I see into your soul, Doctor. I see beauty. I see divinity. I see hatred.
The Doctor: Hatred?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Rusty: I see your hatred of the Daleks and it is good.
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: No, no, no. You must see more than that, there must be more than that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Lab]
Rusty: Death to the Daleks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty (O.C.)
: Death to the Daleks. Death to the Daleks.
The Doctor: No, there must be more than that. There must be more than that. Please.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rusty
: Daleks are evil. Daleks must be exterminated. Daleks are evil.
Morgan: God save us all.
Rusty: Daleks must be exterminated.
Rusty: Exterminate.
Dalek: Under attack from a Dalek!
Rusty: The Daleks are exterminated
[SCENE_BREAK]
The Doctor
: Of course they are. That's what you do, isn't it?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Morgan
: Journey.
Jouney: Uncle Morgan.
Rusty: I have transmitted a retreat signal. The Daleks will believe the humans have initiated the ship's self-destruct.
Clara: What about you, Rusty?
Rusty: I must go with them.
The Doctor: Of course you must. You've unfinished work, haven't you?
Rusty: Victory is yours, but it does not please you.
The Doctor: You looked inside me and you saw hatred. That's not victory. Victory would have been a good Dalek.
Rusty: I am not a good Dalek. You are a good Dalek.
The Doctor: Till the next time.
Jouney: Is he leaving? Isn't he going to say goodbye?
Clara: I think that was it. Yep, that was it. Sorry, got to run.
Jouney: I'm sorry.
Morgan: Sorry?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jouney
: Doctor. Take me with you.
The Doctor: I think you're probably nice. Underneath it all, I think you're kind and you're definitely brave. I just wish you hadn't been a soldier.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[TARDIS]
Clara: How do I look?
The Doctor: Sort of short and round-ish, but with a good personality, which is the main thing.
Clara: I meant my clothes. I just changed.
The Doctor: Oh, good for you, still making an effort.
The Doctor: Okay, right, you're back in your cupboard, thirty seconds after you left.
Clara: When will I see you again?
The Doctor: Oh. Soon, I expect. Or later. One of those.
Clara: I don't know.
The Doctor: I'm sorry?
Clara: You asked me if you're a good man and the answer is, I don't know. But I think you try to be and I think that's probably the point.
The Doctor: I think you're probably an amazing teacher.
Clara: I think I'd better be.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Corridor]
Danny: Ah, hey.
Clara: Hey, Danny.
Danny: Have you changed your clothes?
Clara: Yes. Yes, I, I have. Well noticed.
Danny: Okay, good.
Clara: Yes, good. Very good. Good work. You passed the test.
Danny: Are you really going to go for a drink with me?
Clara: Yeah, course I am. Why wouldn't I?
Danny: I just thought
Clara: Thought what?
Danny: I thought you might have a rule against soldiers.
Clara: No. No, not at all.
Clara: Not me. | Plan: A: Clara; Q: Who awakens Rusty's memory of seeing the star being born? A: Coal Hill School; Q: Where did Clara go to school? A: a drink; Q: What does Clara ask Danny Pink out for? A: Aristotle; Q: What is the name of the human rebel ship that the Doctor brings Clara to? A: Dalek Rusty; Q: Who does the Doctor bring Clara to help? A: Rusty; Q: Who does the Doctor try to connect his mind with? A: Daleks; Q: What race does the Doctor believe cannot be turned good? A: Rusty's power cell; Q: What does the Doctor repair? A: thinking; Q: What does Rusty revert to its old way of doing? A: the beauty; Q: What does the Doctor try to show Rusty about the universe? A: a message; Q: What does Rusty send to the Dalek mothership? A: the rebel ship's location; Q: What does Rusty tell the other Daleks? A: its own race; Q: What does Rusty decide to exterminate? A: Journey's offer; Q: Who did the Doctor turn down to travel with him? Summary: Clara asks fellow Coal Hill School teacher and former soldier Danny Pink out for a drink. The Doctor brings Clara to the human rebel ship Aristotle to help the "good" Dalek Rusty, despite the Doctor's contention that Daleks cannot be turned good. The Doctor, Clara, and a team of rebels from the Aristotle are miniaturised and sent into Rusty. The Doctor repairs Rusty's power cell, but it reverts to its old way of thinking and forgets the memory of seeing the beauty of a star being born that had made it want to destroy the other Daleks. It sends a message to the Dalek mothership, giving the other Daleks the rebel ship's location. Clara awakens Rusty's memory of seeing the star being born. In an attempt to show Rusty the beauty of the universe, the Doctor connects his mind with Rusty's. Rusty, however, sees the Doctor's hatred for the Daleks, and decides to exterminate its own race. The Doctor turns down the surviving soldier Journey's offer to travel with him. |
ACT ONE
Scene One - KACL Frasier is doing his slot. He is on the line to Danielle, who is French.
Frasier: Danielle, you're going to have to slow down a little bit, I'm having a hard time understanding you.
Danielle: [v.o.; strong French accent] I'm sorry, Dr. Crane. I'm having a big, big problem with my monsieur.
Frasier: Excuse me, with your what?
Danielle: My monsieur.
Frasier: Your mithyuer?
Both he and Roz are perplexed. Apparently, his knowledge of French begins and ends with wine bottle labels.
Danielle: Oui, my monsieur. Every day...
Frasier: Is that your mother?
Danielle: No. My monsieur.
Frasier: Your masseur? Your Mercedes?
Danielle: Monsieur! My monsieur! You must help me.
Frasier: Well Danielle, I, I, um... the best advice I can give you is to umm... either confront your mithyuer, or um, work on your self-esteem. Thank you for your call. [hangs up] This is Dr. Frasier Crane, saying go out and have a good night, Seattle. You deserve it.
He goes off the air, then goes into Roz's booth.
Frasier: Roz! Aren't you screening these calls?
Roz: Yeah. But when you only have one, you get a little less particular.
Frasier: [admiring Roz] You look nice.
Roz: Yeah? Well, I've got a date tonight.
Frasier: Oh, great... Why are you only wearing one heel? Did you break it off?
Roz: No, I'm dating a sea-captain with a peg-leg and this makes it easier when we dance. [then] I broke it off in a sidewalk grate.
Frasier: Okay, so who is this guy? Another one of those trendy young kids who's got three earrings and a ponytail, wearing a T-shirt under his sports coat?
Roz: Is he here?
Frasier: Roz! Where do you meet these people?
Roz: For your information, this guy happens to be a very successful media consultant. He graduated from Princeton, he has a house on Mercer Island and he owns a forty-foot sailboat.
Frasier: You met him on a bus, didn't you?
Roz: No. Actually we shared a cab... Alright, he was driving it.
Niles enters.
Niles: Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: Hi, Niles. You remember Roz?
Niles: Yes, of course. [shakes Roz by the hand] What brings you here?
Roz: Just passing by and thought I'd stop in for a career.
Niles: Good luck. [to Frasier] Sorry I'm late, Frasier, but the entrance to your parking garage is blocked by a cab driver with a ponytail, scraping gum off his back seat.
Frasier: [to Roz] Madame, your chariot awaits. [Roz exits] Well, we better get going, Niles.
Niles: Oh actually, bad news on that score, Frasier. I'm afraid the lecture's been cancelled.
Frasier: Oh. Well, I can't say I'm really disappointed. I wasn't relishing the idea of three hours on "Right brain, Left brain synergy."
Niles: I'll have you know I trimmed that speech to two and a half hours and I opened with a really funny Al Gore joke.
Frasier: Well, it's no use crying over spilt milk. Now... we've got a free evening. This sound like the perfect opportunity for a couple of guys on the loose to, ah... hit a sports bar, have a couple of brewskis, maybe take in a game or two.
Niles: Right. What shall we do?
Frasier: Dinner?
Niles: Perfect. No place fancy, I'm sure neither of us wants a heavy meal with lots of wine and expensive desserts.
Frasier: Oh, it's your turn to pay, isn't it?
Niles: You know me so well. [they leave]
[SCENE_BREAK]
NOT NOW... NOW!
Scene Two - A small restaurant (Anya's) Frasier and Niles are seated at a booth by the window. The waitress gives them menus.
Niles: Thank you.
Frasier: Thank you.
Niles: Are you sure it's all right to park in that lot across the street? The sign says it was just for customers of those stores, I don't want to get a ticket.
Frasier: No, it's fine, Niles.
Niles: I mean, I could get just nip back to Crabtree & Evelyn and buy a bar of lavender soap, just to be safe. [stands]
Frasier: Oh Niles, Niles. Sit down. Lavender soap - for God's sake, you're a man, you'd look ridiculous.
Waitress: Can I get you a drink?
Frasier: Fuzzy Navel, blended nice and frothy, please. And a... martini, Niles?
Niles: No thanks, I'm driving. [he's still worried about his car] Maybe I'll buy a bag of Potpourri, or a set of hand towels.
Frasier: Just sit down.
Suddenly Niles spots Martin at another table, with a woman.
Niles: Frasier. Unless my eyes deceive me, that's Dad sitting over there.
Frasier: God, you're right. Gee, that's strange, he said he was going over to Duke's to have a beer with a couple of the boys.
Niles: Well, that certainly isn't the boys. Seems we've caught him in a clandestine rendezvous.
Frasier: The sly boots. He had a date, and he didn't want us to know.
Niles: Oh, he's looking this way, turn around, turn around!
They both hide behind their menus.
Frasier: What are they doing?
Niles: [peeking] Well, it's sort of cute. He's holding her hand. [Frasier risks a peek] Don't look, don't look. I'll tell you when you can look. Not now... Not now... Okay, now. [Frasier looks] No, not now! [Frasier hides again] Oh, I don't like this one bit.
Frasier: Why, what are they doing now?
Niles: Oh nothing, I just realized if Dad's eating here this can't be a very good restaurant.
Frasier: You know, I wonder if it's their first date?
Niles: Well, if it is, they seem to be having a very good time.
Frasier: Why, what are they doing?
Niles: Well, they're leaning in and talking to each other. He's smiling at her, she's... just collapsed in tears, she's sobbing uncontrollably.
Frasier: Oh, yeah. That's a Crane first date all right.
The woman gets up and goes to the rest room.
Niles: She's coming this way, hide. [the woman passes their table] Frasier, do you know who that is?
Frasier: She did look familiar.
Niles: I'd swear that was Marion Lawler.
Frasier: Marion Lawler? My God, I haven't heard that name since I was a kid.
Niles: I thought Mom and Dad had a huge falling-out with the Lawlers.
Frasier: They did, they did. It was that last summer we shared a cabin with them at the lake.
Niles: Well, maybe Dad's getting together just to patch things up.
Frasier: And doing his usual bang-up job.
Niles: This is really awkward. We should just get out of here.
Frasier: No, Niles. If we leave now, he's sure to spot us. [looks out the window] You know, Niles, maybe you should have that martini after all.
Niles: I can't drink, Frasier. I'm driving.
Frasier: Not anymore, they just towed your car.
Niles nods, then starts and looks out the window. He buries his head.
[SCENE_BREAK]
THE LADY VANISHES
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Eddie is having a good roll around on the sofa. Daphne enters.
Daphne: Eddie, you little hooligan. Get off that couch. You know you're not supposed to do that. If Dr. Crane sees you, he's going to throw you off the balcony and I'll be right behind you. [puts Eddie on the floor] Good boy. Now just stay there.
As soon as she leaves, Eddie jumps back up and starts rolling again. Frasier enters. Eddie immediately sits on the floor before Frasier sees him.
Frasier: Well, Eddie. Glad to see my rules about the couch are finally taking hold.
He reaches out to pet Eddie, then ends up patting him on the nose.
Frasier: Good dog. [shouts] Dad? Daphne?
Daphne: [entering] Oh, hello Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Hello, Daphne. Say, where's Dad?
Daphne: Mr. Dawcy down on eight invited him over to watch the ball game.
Frasier: Oh, great. He's finally getting to know some of the neighbors.
He notices her looking at his face, her head cocked to the side.
Frasier: What are you staring at?
Daphne: Have you ever thought about growing a moustache?
Frasier: No, I don't think it would suit me.
Daphne: Oh, yes it does.
Frasier: You've never seen me with one.
Daphne: Actually, I have. There's a billboard for your show down on Sixteenth Street. Some kids went at you with a can of spray paint.
Frasier: And it looked good?
Daphne: Oh, yes. But a word to the wise - take good care of your teeth. That look is not at all flattering on you. [the doorbell rings] I'll get it. [she opens the door for Niles] Hello, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Hello, Daphne.
Daphne: What brings you here?
Niles: A rental car, thanks to my brother.
Frasier: I assume you're here for a reason?
Niles: Ah, yes. Frasier, last night when I got home, that strange incident with Dad and Mrs. Lawler got me to thinking, what was it that caused the rift between our two families? So, I dug out my old boyhood journal, [produces it] and looked up my entries from our last summer together at the lake. According to this, there was a three-week period where Mom and Dad had screaming matches every night, after we went to bed.
Frasier: I don't recall that.
Niles: Oh, that's right. That was the same period where you insisted on wearing the wax earplugs and the slumber mask.
Frasier: Well, I had to, what with you underneath the covers with a flashlight looking at the National Geographic.
Niles: I was looking at the maps.
Frasier: That's what makes it so scary. Now what was your point?
Niles: Well, according to my journal, something more provocative happened during that same period. Here, read this. [hands over book]
Frasier: [reading] "Though summer at the lake seems but a vapid, vacuous experience, it is a necessary tonic for my troubled youth..." Niles, how old were you when you wrote this?
Niles: Almost nine. Which explains the redundancy - "Vapid" and "Vacuous."
Frasier: Well...
Niles: By ten, my writing had gotten considerably tighter.
Frasier: Amongst other things.
Niles: The point is, that same night I crept out onto the screen porch, leaving the lights off so not to attract bats and moths. As I peered out through the darkness, between the trees I saw the figures of Dad and Mrs. Lawler in each other's arms. I think it's pretty clear what happened, Frasier. Dad and Mrs. Lawler had an affair.
Frasier: Oh, come on, Niles. Look, I appreciate your attempt to spice up our family history, but really - look, we're not a Jackie Collins novel, it's ridiculous.
Niles: Is it? All right, allow me to present Exhibit B. This is a photo album Mom prepared of photos from the same period.
Daphne enters, and comes over to look. Niles takes a quick sniff of her hair.
Daphne: Ooh, I love to see old family photos. [looks] My goodness - what a handsome, sinewy young bloke.
Frasier: Yeah, that was our dad.
Daphne: You two take after your mother, don't you?
Niles: All right, all right, look at this picture. And this one here. That's Dad, but the person next to him has been cut out. And, if you look at this one you can still see the edges of a dress and a handbag and tan sandals.
Daphne: Here's one whose head should have been cut out. That scrawny little chap with the fish-belly complexion and rain hat.
Niles: [for it is he] I was under doctor's orders to stay out of direct sunlight.
Frasier: Look, we don't know for sure if that was Mrs. Lawler. And besides, even then it wouldn't prove that Dad had an affair with her.
Daphne: What are you two talking about?
Frasier: Oh, Niles has this theory that Dad had an illicit affair when we were youngsters.
Daphne: Your father? I can't believe that, he's not the type.
Frasier: Well, that's what I think. Besides Niles, there's not enough proof.
Niles: Well, are you saying it's not possible?
Frasier: Oh, anything is possible.
Daphne: Then why don't you just ask him?
Frasier: Right. "Good evening, father. By the way, did you boff one of the neighbors while we were roasting marshmallows?"
Niles: Ah, ah. There's one sure way to get the truth. We'll call Aunt Vivian. [goes to phone]
Frasier: Oh, no.
Daphne: Who's Aunt Vivian?
Niles: Better known as The Mouth. Keeper of the Crane family skeletons.
Frasier: [takes phone from Niles] No, Niles, we are not calling Aunt Vivian.
Niles: Why? Are you scared you'll find out something you don't want to know?
Frasier: Yes. That she knows where I live and that she still drives.
Daphne: You two are worse than a couple old washerwomen gossiping over a back fence. I'm telling you, the way to sort this is to ask your father.
Martin has entered through the front door in time to hear this last bit.
Martin: Ask me what?
Daphne: Your sons here have some cock-eyed notion that you had an affair with some woman thirty years ago.
Martin: What? [both Niles and Frasier hang their heads in shame] Where the hell'd that idea come from?
Niles: Well, last night... Frasier saw you having dinner with Marion Lawler.
Frasier: You were with me!
Martin: So what were you doing, spying on me?
Frasier: No, no Dad, we were just having dinner together - at the same time when you were supposed to be having some drinks with your buddies at Duke's.
Martin: And that proves I had an affair thirty years ago?
Frasier: No, no. But Niles dug out his journal and then he remembered this time when he saw you and her hugging, and it was right around the same time when you and Mom seemed to be fighting a lot.
Niles: And then you suddenly stopped seeing the Lawlers.
Martin: I don't believe this, this is stupid.
Daphne: That's what I told them. The hens here were even going to give some Aunt Vivian person a call.
Martin: Ah... Daphne, would you give me a minute alone with these two?
Daphne: Of course. I completely understand. [under her breath, as she leaves] That's right, send the help to her room. I never get to hear any of the good stuff anyway.
Martin: Look, don't bother calling Aunt Vivian. You want to know the truth? Fine. I had an affair. It happened a long time ago and it's not anything I'm proud of. And now that I've answered all your questions, do me a favor. This is never to be brought up again, understand? End of discussion.
He leaves.
Niles: Well... it's times like this that most families pull together and draw strength from each other. [beat] What shall we do?
END OF ACT ONE (Time: 12:20)
ACT TWO
DR. SHECKY CRANE
Scene Four - Cafe Nervosa. The waiter has just brought Frasier his coffee when Niles enters.
Frasier: [to waiter] Oh, thank you.
Niles: [sitting] Good, you're here. I came by to see how you're doing, but I only have a few minutes. I start my "Healing with Humor" support group tonight, and I still have to pick up my big shoes.
Frasier: How am I doing? How are you doing, Niles? Doesn't it bother you that your father cheated on my mother?
Niles: Frasier, your loyalties are seeping through, and I might point out that I got Mom's small features, while you got Dad's chunky thighs.
Frasier: The point is, that it must have caused Mom a great deal of pain.
Niles: Agreed, but they went on and had a very happy life together. They got over it. Why can't you?
Frasier: I know that rationally I should be able to handle this. I deal with people who exemplify human frailty every day.
Another customer starts browsing in the bookcase behind the brothers.
Frasier: But in this case it's not people, is it? One of our parents had an illicit affair. [the man's ears prick up at this] How could he cheat with Marion, knowing the effect it would have on Mom, not to mention the repercussions it would have on you and me later on... [to man] Why don't you just pull up a chair and join us?
The man makes a hurried retreat.
Frasier: I just can't believe that it's our father. You know, I never had a great relationship with him. But if there was one thing I always respected about him, it was his integrity. Just thinking about what they did, it just sickens me.
Niles: Frasier, as your brother, as a therapist, I think you have to let this go. And a good first step would be to come with me to my "Healing with Humor" support group.
Frasier: Thank you Niles, but I think I just need a night to myself.
Niles: Well, if you change your mind it should be a hoot. As we speak, I'm wearing oversized polka-dot boxers and quick-release suspenders.
Niles exits, shifting his pants a bit uncomfortably.
[N.B. This brings to mind an episode of "Cheers" where Frasier was forced to fill in for Woody as a clown at a birthday party, which ended with a faux pas involving quick-release suspenders, the birthday boy's grandmother, and a set of French thong underpants that Lilith bought him on a whim. - Mike Lee]
[SCENE_BREAK]
THINGS BEST LEFT UNSAID
Scene Five - Frasier's Apartment. Eddie is rolling on the sofa again, but this time Frasier enters and catches him.
Frasier: Well, I see all sorts of things have been going on behind my back!
The doorbell rings and Frasier answers it. It is Marion Lawler.
Marion: Frasier?
Frasier: [coldly] Yes.
Marion: You may not remember me. Marion Lawler.
Frasier: Yes, I remember you. [they shake hands]
Marion: Is your dad home?
Frasier: Ah, no. but if you come back later you can have the place to yourselves.
Marion: No, that's not necessary. I had dinner with him the other night, and I left rather abruptly. I just wanted to tell him I'm sorry. Would you please give him my best?
Frasier: Oh, I think you've already done that.
Marion: Did I come at a bad time? You seem upset.
Frasier: Would you come in for a moment, please? [she enters] After you met with Dad the other night, ah, he and I had a little conversation. That was the first time I learned what happened that summer.
Marion: Oh, I'm sorry.
Frasier: Well... I guess I'm not the sort of person who can hear news like that and just sweep it under the rug and forget about it.
Marion: I know you're upset. But if it's any consolation, in time your father and I forgave them.
Frasier: [suddenly realizing] Forgave them?
Marion: Frasier, your mother was a good person. So was my husband. They made a mistake. Anyway, just tell your father I stopped by. I felt so silly crying in front of him the other night. I've been a little overemotional since Dan died.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
Marion: Well, you never know how hard that's going to hit you. Look who I'm telling this to - the famous radio psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane. I remember you when you used to run around in your undies with your pail and shovel.
Frasier: Yes, well I rarely get to the shore anymore.
Marion: Well... goodbye, Frasier.
Frasier: Goodbye.
Marion leaves. Frasier closes the door, looking heartsick.
[SCENE_BREAK]
LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON
Scene Six - Frasier's Apartment. Martin is on his back, doing his exercises, while Daphne flexes his leg.
Daphne: Working down at the docks has always been a tradition for us Moons. My father worked on the docks, and me grandfather before him. All my brothers do. Well, except for my brother Billy. He came home one day, and announced he hated the smell of fish and was going to teach ballroom dancing. And he did. And he does. He's my mum's favorite. Dad mostly flicks the crust off his kidney pie at him.
Martin: How much longer do I have to do this?
Daphne: Be patient. You don't want to go through life dragging your leg behind you like a dead tree branch.
Martin: I'm talking about listening to your family's history.
Daphne: Now, I know you don't mean that. Why would a man of your intelligence say a thing like that when you're in the position you're in- [flexes his leg] and I'm in the position I'm in?
Martin: All right, all right!
Daphne: Up you come. [helps Martin to stand] That's much better. I'll go run your bath.
Daphne leaves, Frasier enters.
Frasier: Hi, Dad. You look kinda tired.
Martin: [settling into chair, turning on TV] Yeah. Just finished my exercises with Nurse Ratchet.
Frasier: Ah, listen Dad, do you have to watch the TV right now?
Martin: Yeah, my program's on.
Frasier: Well, you know, if either of us could work the VCR, we'd tape it. But, ah, just for now there's something I'd like to talk to you about. [turns off TV]
Martin: Oh, for God's sake, Frasier. I know what this is, I've already told you everything I'm going to. Now drop it.
Martin turns on the chair's vibrating system. Frasier unplugs it.
Frasier: Dad. Why didn't you tell me the truth?
Martin: I did.
Frasier: Marion Lawler came by today. She wanted to apologize for the other night. While she was here, she... she told me what really happened.
Martin: Alright, so now you know. You did your little digging, and you stuck your nose in where it didn't belong, are you happy now?
Frasier: Why didn't you tell me it was Mom?
Martin: Because it's none of your damn business, and it still isn't.
Frasier: Look dad, I don't blame you for being defensive, but I had a right to know. For your information, this sort of thing happens to a lot of people. If it's any consolation, I know exactly how you feel. I never told you this but, um... Lilith did the same thing to me.
Martin: Lilith had an affair?
Frasier: The most painful and humiliating experience of my entire life. Well, I'm sure you felt the same way.
Martin: Well, I hadn't thought about it for quite some time, but thanks for reminding me. [starts laughing] Lilith?
Frasier: I found her attractive. I mean, is it so inconceivable that another man might find her attractive as well?
Martin: [not convinced] I guess. So who was the bozo in your case?
Frasier: Oh, God. A Frenchman who lived in a self-contained underground eco-pod.
Martin: Well, that still sounds better than a urologist with a bad comb-over.
Frasier: I'm sorry, dad.
Martin: Look son, do me a favor. Don't hate your mother for this. I wasn't the easiest person to live with back then, and she had plenty of reason to do what she did. Luckily we were able to put it behind us, but I'll tell you... there were times when it really tore me up. I loved your mother.
Frasier: So did I.
Martin: I'm sorry. That's why I said I was the one who had the affair. I was just trying to protect her. Hey, me you already had problems with.
Frasier: Well dad, I appreciate what you did, but ah, I still think you should have told me.
Martin: Listen. When Frederick grows up, will you tell him what Lilith did to you?
Frasier is silent.
Martin: Okay. Can I watch my program now?
Frasier: Oh, no. Just one second. [gets the photo album] There's one thing I gotta clear up. There's this photo album here, there's all these pictures with the same woman that's been cut out of them, you see this?
Martin: What else do you notice, Sherlock? Like, where's your mother?
Frasier: Oh. Oh, that was mom?
Martin: She cut herself out of it. She put a few pounds on that summer. I think that day she was wearing a brown dress with a belt, and your Aunt Vivian told her she looked like a knockwurst tied in the middle.
Frasier: You know dad, ever since you moved in we've been trying to find something that we have in common. I think we've finally found it.
Martin: Yeah... wish it was a birthmark.
Frasier: So do I.
Frasier goes to his room. Martin turns on the TV.
End of Act Two (Time: 09:30)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Middle of the night. Eddie is rolling on the couch yet again. | Plan: A: a restaurant; Q: Where did Frasier and Niles see Martin having an emotional meeting with an old family friend? A: Frasier; Q: Who and Niles begin to wonder if Martin had an affair while married? Summary: After accidentally seeing Martin having an emotional meeting with an old family friend at a restaurant, Frasier and Niles begin to wonder whether Martin had an affair while married. |
MUSIC IN:
INT. KIDWELL HOUSE - DAY
(DOOR CLOSES)
LAURA: (V.O.) They wouldn't even tell Sarah how he died.
O'DONNELL: (V.O.) I'm sure his command had a good reason.
LAURA: (V.O.) Maybe, but if it was my husband... I'd want to know.
O'DONNELL: (V.O.) I still can't believe Jim's dead. It's almost like he's standing here with us.
LAURA: How's Sarah handling it?
(CAMERA PANS TO SARAH ON THE COUCH)
(SFX: PHONE RINGS)
SARAH: (INTO PHONE) Kidwell residence.
KIDWELL: (V.O./FILTERED) This is Jim.
SARAH: Who? Who is this? What are...?
KIDWELL: (V.O./FILTERED) Sarah, this is Jim....don't believe...don't believe them.
(SARA DROPS THE PHONE TO THE FLOOR)
O'DONNELL: Sarah!
VOICE: (V.O./FILTERED) Sarah! Sarah! It's Jim! I'm not....I'm not dead!
(MUSIC OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. NCIS FIRING RANGE
RANGE OFFICER: (OVER P.A.) Shooters at the ready position.
TONY: Nervous, Kate?
KATE: Shaking.
(SFX: HORN)
(SFX: GUNFIRE)
RANGE OFFICER: (OVER P.A.) Cease fire! Cease fire! Clear and lock all weapons! All locked. Now shooters check your targets.
KATE: (V.O.) Are you nervous, Tony?
TONY: Nice tactical reload. You only got your guy twice. I win.
KATE: What are you talking about? You shot the hostage's ear off.
TONY: She'll live.
KATE: Yeah, without an ear.
GIBBS: Not bad. Both of you, not bad. Of course these targets don't shoot back.
KATE: That must be next week.
GIBBS: Kate I think you're holding back. Shoot with confidence. Relax your shoulders. Tony, that's a nice grouping.
TONY: So I win.
GIBBS: Oh, we're just getting warmed up. Give me your cover.
TONY: What for? Right.
(TONY GIVES HIS HAT TO GIBBS)
TONY: Oh, come on, boss! I've been breaking that cap in for three months. I love that cap!
KATE: Then don't shoot it.
GIBBS: Did you back this up?
KATE: Oh, no no, Gibbs. Come on. My whole life is in that thing! Gibbs some on.
GIBBS: Then don't shoot it.
KATE: If we screw this up I have a suggestion.
TONY: What?
KATE: We break into Gibbs' basement and we set his boat on fire.
TONY: That's cold, Kate. I knew there was a reason I liked you.
(SFX: PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs. Yeah, we're on it.
TONY: What's up?
GIBBS: A Marine wife buried her husband yesterday. Somebody thought it would be fun to call her up on the phone and harass her.
KATE: Since when do we investigate crank calls?
GIBBS: Since the guy calling is claiming to be her dead husband.
RANGE OFFICER: (V.O./FILTERED) On the firing line. Ready on the right. Ready on the left. Ready on the...
GIBBS: (OVERLAP) Fire. Steady under pressure.
TONY: I'll bring the lighter fluid.
KATE: Deal.
(SFX: HORN)
(SFX: GUNFIRE)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
ABBY: (V.O.) Very cool. Where can I get one of these?
TONY: You can have that one.
ABBY: Really? Thanks. So you said you needed help?
TONY: Yeah, I'm trying to pull up the records on a dead Marine but my security access won't go through.
ABBY: That's because computers can sense fear, Tony. Name?
TONY: Major Jim Kidwell. He was working at Quantico, Mobile Training Teams. This is his social. Is that a new perfume, Abby?
ABBY: Yep. I made it myself. Do you like it?
TONY: It smells like gunpowder.
ABBY: Sweet, huh?
TONY: Hmm.
ABBY: Here's your problem.
TONY: What?
ABBY: Your security clearance isn't high enough. How did he die?
TONY: That's kind of what Gibbs wants me to find out.
ABBY: It sucks to be you.
(SFX: TONY POUNDS ON THE KEYBOARD)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. KIDWELL LIVING ROOM
GIBBS: In most of these cases, the caller turns out to be someone you know - old boyfriend, co-worker.
SARAH: Listen, I know it sounds crazy. But the voice? I could swear it was Jim's.
KATE: Sometime in situations like that, you hear what you think sounds like someone you know..
GIBBS: (OVERLAP) I'd like to put a trace on your phone, Mrs. Kidwell, in case he calls back.
SARAH: What happens if it's Jim?
(SFX: DOOR BELL)
(SARAH WALKS TO THE DOOR)
SARAH: Excuse me.
KATE: It couldn't have been her husband, could it?
(DOOR OPENS)
SARAH: Hi, guys.
LISA: Hi.
TRACY: Hi.
SARAH: Why don't you guys go outside and play?
LISA: It's okay. I'll be along in a minute.
TRACY: (V.O.) Okay, Mommy.
(CHILDREN WALK O.S.)
SARAH: Agent Gibbs, Agent Todd, this is Lisa Peary. Her husband was in the same unit as Jim's. They um...
LISA: Died together.
KATE: You have our sympathies.
LISA: What we'd really like is some answers. You know, we accepted the fact that our husbands couldn't always tell us where they were, what they were doing. We played the game. We were good Marine wives.
SARAH: You have to understand, all we got back were two sealed caskets.
LISA: And now Sarah gets this call from Jim.
KATE: Or someone impersonating him, Mrs. Peary.
LISA: We don't even know how they died. Are you telling me you wouldn't start to wonder?
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: What did you find out about our dead Marine?
TONY: He was involved in classified stuff.
GIBBS: And?
TONY: No and. I didn't have high enough clearance to access the records.
KATE: What's your clearance?
TONY: Confidential.
KATE: Confidential? What did you do, kill someone in high school?
TONY: Ha! Not funny, Kate. No, they screwed up my paperwork with another agent's.
GIBBS: DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic.
TONY: They yanked my clearance. Now I've got to take a physical to get it back.
KATE: Why is that?
TONY: To prove that I'm still alive.
GIBBS: Any luck?
KATE: Access denied! And I was cleared for Air Force One.
GIBBS: So was an Al Qaeda operative.
TONY: Gibbs will get in. He's got clearance that will let him see the dead aliens at Area Fifty One.
KATE: Because he probably killed them.
(SFX: KEYBOARDING/ COMPUTER BEEP TONES)
GIBBS: Hm. Looks like someone is deliberately blocking us.
KATE: Or a glitch. Everything doesn't have to be a conspiracy against NCIS, guys.
GIBBS: Are you saying we're paranoid, Kate?
KATE: If the shoe fits.
(PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs. Uh-huh. I know where it is. Mm-hmm.
(GIBBS HANGS UP THE PHONE)
GIBBS: That was Kidwell and Peary's commanding officer. We are being blocked.
KATE: Okay, I admit. That is strange.
GIBBS: He wants to meet with us.
TONY: When?
GIBBS: Right now. Come on. Let's roll.
TONY: Thanks for the new cap, Kate.
KATE: Not a problem. I only wish my warranty covered bullets.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
WALSH: (V.O.) I appreciate you meeting me out here. I wanted to keep this conversation off the record.
GIBBS: Why is that, Colonel Walsh?
WALSH: Because Kidwell and Peary were good men.
KATE: Their widow's seem to think so.
WALSH: I want to keep it that way. Are you familiar with mobile training teams?
TONY: Sure, they serve as military advisors for foreign countries.
WALSH: Among other things. Kidwell and Peary were working out of country. Op was classified, but had nothing to do with their deaths.
GIBBS: Why seal the records then?
WALSH: Because of the way they died. Look, when you work with a foreign military, you kind of have to go native. You have to live and breathe the culture. Kidwell and Peary tended to take that approach to the extreme.
GIBBS: Define extreme.
WALSH: We found them in a brothel. They had a dispute with one of the local prostitutes. She poisoned them.
GIBBS: With what?
WALSH: Local police said formaldehyde.
TONY: Formaldehyde?
WALSH: She put it in their drinks.
KATE: So you used the classified nature of the operation to cover it up.
WALSH: I didn't exactly want to call Lisa and Sarah and tell them that their husbands died because they pissed of a whore.
TONY: Probably a good call.
WALSH: Look, they weren't angels but they were damn good Marines. I'd rather they be remembered that way.
GIBBS: Any idea why someone would call Mrs. Kidwell and impersonate him?
WALSH: None, but I hope you catch that son of a bitch. Look, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work.
GIBBS: Just one more thing, Colonel. I'm still going to need to see their records.
WALSH: I just told you what happened.
GIBBS: Yeah. Yeah, you did.
WALSH: I'll see what I can do.
(WALSH WALKS O.S.)
KATE: His body language matches that of someone telling the truth.
(PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: Or he's one hell of a liar. (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.
(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) The techs that installed the phone trace at the Kidwell's found something interesting.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) What did you find?
ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) There was already a trace on the line.
(SCENE CUT)
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) And it's pretty sophisticated stuff.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Were you able to track it?
(SCENE CUT)
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Almost, the tracking software lost it around Dumfries, Virginia. That's right outside of...
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) The Marine base at Quantico.(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
KATE: Where's he going?(GIBBS WALKS TOWARD THE BUILDING)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. TRAINING TEAM OFFICE
TRAVIS: Can I help you, Sir?
GIBBS: NCIS. We need to talk to your C.O., Lieutenant Colonel Walsh.
TRAVIS: He's in a meeting right now, Sir.
GIBBS: Here?
TRAVIS: (V.O.) Sir, I don't think you heard me.
TONY: Oh, he heard you.
TRAVIS: (V.O.) Sir!
(ALL WALK DOWN THE CORRIDOR)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. OFFICE - DAY
(DOOR OPENS)
GIBBS: Where's Colonel Walsh?
WALSH TWO: Right here.
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. WALSH'S OFFICE - DAY
GIBBS: Someone is going to a lot of trouble over a crank phone call, Colonel.
KATE: Like an illegal wire tap on Sarah Kidwell's phone.
TONY: And a guy pretending he's you.
GIBBS: I want to know why.
WALSH TWO: That makes two of us, Agent Gibbs. You think I like getting Marines back in boxes?
GIBBS: Why don't we start with how Major Kidwell and Peary died?
WALSH TWO: That's a "need to know".
GIBBS: Trust me, I need to know.
WALSH TWO: Unfortunately it seems I don't. Their records are sealed and every inquiry I've made has been shot down.
GIBBS: You have two dead Marines, Colonel. Are you trying to tell me you don't know how they died?
WALSH TWO: This is an Admin Command. When my teams deploy, they can be working for any one of a dozen agencies. They don't report to me.
GIBBS: Who did Kidwell and Peary report to?
WALSH TWO: Officially the State Department.
GIBBS: Unofficially.
WALSH TWO: You'll have to figure that one out for yourselves, Agent Gibbs.
GIBBS: Now what does that sound like to you, Tony?
TONY: It sounds like one of the A's. CIA, NSA.
GIBBS: About those boxes you got back, Colonel?
WALSH TWO: What about them?
GIBBS: Did you stop to see if your men were inside them? Or is that need to know, too?
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. STAIRS - DAY
GIBBS: We're being played, Sir.
MORROW: So it seems. The question is why?
GIBBS: Either they died doing something they weren't supposed to be doing or Kidwell made that phone call.
MORROW: There is a third alternative. They died on a classified mission serving their country.
GIBBS: I don't buy it, Sir. Someone wants us off this case. There's got to be a reason.
MORROW: This isn't the first time we've bumped up against other agencies out in the field. There's always a reason.
GIBBS: This time there is a couple of Marine wives caught in the middle, Sir.
MORROW: What do you suggest?
GIBBS: I need your help to gain access to their records.
MORROW: I'll make some calls. In the meantime, see what you can find out about this phony colonel of yours.
(MORROW WALKS O.S.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY
TONY: (V.O.) Make the eyes bigger, Abby.
KATE: No! The eyes are fine. It's the nose that needs to be bigger, Abby.
TONY: Okay, I'll get an APB out on Pinocchio right away.
ABBY: You guys...
GIBBS: Welcome to my world, Abby.
ABBY: Thank you, Gibbs.
GIBBS: Anyone want to explain this?
KATE: Tony and I were just discussing the shape of our bogus Colonel's face.
TONY: Mmm, we haven't quite settled on the nose yet, though.
GIBBS: Yeah, I can see that, DiNozzo.
TONY: Uh listen, boss, we need a few more minutes, so if you want to go grab a coffee or...
GIBBS: I have a better idea. Pull Kidwell and Peary's LES's for me. Kate and I will...
KATE: I can do that. That is if you want me to. It's just that Tony seems to have a better handle on the program here.
GIBBS: Okay. How do we reset this, Ab?
KATE: (V.O.) What's an L-E-S?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS LAB - DAY
TONY: Leave and Earnings Statement.
KATE: And where would one...
TONY: Marine Corps Finance Center, Kansas City. What's the deal?
KATE: Thanks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. KATE'S DESK - DAY
KATE: (INTO PHONE) That's correct. Major James Kidwell and Major Craig Peary. I need their Leave and Earnings Statements for the last couple of years. Fax is fine. Attention Special Agent Todd. Thanks, Sergeant.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ABBY'S DESK - DAY
TONY: Make the chin a little bigger, Abby, and I think we'll have him. That's him!
GIBBS: Yeah, sure is.
KATE: Ducky! Nice. While you were playing I sketched our fake colonel.
ABBY: Whoa! I didn't know you were an artist. That rocks!
GIBBS: I'm impressed.
TONY: Let me see that. What the--?
KATE: That's personal.
TONY: Yeah, it is. Do I really seem like that?
GIBBS: I'm really impressed now.
(TONY FLIPS THE PAPER)
KATE: Abby, I didn't mean anything by that. It's...
ABBY: I love that! You gotta let me hang it up.
TONY: I can't wait to see the one you did of Gibbs.
KATE: Oh, just give me that. Uh... so Kansas City said it would take twenty four hours to get the Leave and Earnings Statements.
GIBBS: You've got twelve. I want them first thing in the morning. Abby, run his likeness through. We'll concentrate on Government employee databases and D-O-D personnel.
ABBY: You got it, Gibbs.
KATE: What does he expect to find from their L-E-S's?
TONY: Come on, Kate. That's like NCIS one oh one.
KATE: You have no idea, do you?
TONY: Not a clue.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. CEMETERY - DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS STANDS NEAR THE GRAVE MARKER)
(SFX: CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: Kate, twelve hours was up fifteen minutes ago.
TONY: Next time, have them fax them in order.
KATE: Point taken. Gibbs, are you going to tell us what these are for?
SARAH: Agent Gibbs?
GIBBS: Mrs. Kidwell.
SARAH: There was another phone call.
O'DONNELL: And this time we have proof that Jim's still alive.
O'DONNELL: (V.O.) Jim left a message on my machine...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS LAB - DAY
O'DONNELL: ...the same day he called Sarah.
TONY: The funeral?
O'DONNELL: Yes. With everything that was going on I didn't have time to check my messages until this morning.
GIBBS: You seem pretty confident that's Kidwell, Major.
O'DONNELL: I've known Jim since we were Second Lieutenants at The Basic School. It's his voice, Agent Gibbs.
GIBBS: Well, we're about to find out. Abby?
ABBY: Ah! Sorry.
GIBBS: Let's see what you've got.
ABBY: Okay. This... this is the old school version.
KIDWELL: (ON TAPE/FILTERED) Danny... tell Sarah... trust... got... find Peary... call mobile.
GIBBS: You can tell it's him from that?
ABBY: Well, lucky for you, you've got a mix master in the hizzouse.
GIBBS: A what?
TONY: It means house. You need to get out more, Gibbs.
ABBY: Word. Okay, here's the filtered version.
KIDWELL: (ON TAPE/FILTERED) Danny, tell Sarah... trust...got... find Peary. Call mobile.
ABBY: I ran it against six word samples I have from the Kidwell's home videos. They didn't match.
TONY: So it's not Kidwell on the tape?
ABBY: That's what I thought at first, too, but I forgot to factor in the phone line. Ma Bell eliminates any frequency that's below four hundred hertz and above three thousand four hundred. It allows for moderate distance transmission. That's why when people think they sound differently on the phone, they do. It's all about the band.
GIBBS: Mix master. Today.
KIDWELL: (ON TAPE/FILTERED) Danny....tell Sarah...trust...got...find Peary...call mobile.
ABBY: We've got a dead man calling.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM
(SFX: MEN WHEEL THE COFFIN INTO THE ROOM)
TONY: Sorry I couldn't help you with the digging, boys. Old pro basketball injury.
KATE: You played pro ball?
TONY: Well, I was watching a game while it happened. Top's been screwed shut, boss.
KATE: They obviously didn't want anyone looking in before the funeral.
TONY: Or getting out.
O'DONNELL: I don't see why Sarah can't be present for this.
GIBBS: Do you know what's in this box, Major O'Donnell?
O'DONNELL: No, but it's not Jim Kidwell unless he's figured out a way to make calls from the grave.
GIBBS: Well, you know what - we're going to find out.
KATE: Don't we have to wait for Ducky?
GIBBS: Kate, if there's a body in here, it's not going anywhere.
(SFX: POWER SCREWDRIVER B.G.)
TONY: I'm just hoping it's not another mummy.
(SFX: POWER SCREWDRIVER B.G.)
(SFX: LID OPENS)
O'DONNELL: Oh, my god!
TONY: I've got to admit, I wasn't expecting that.
KATE: He looks alive.
O'DONNELL: It's uh... it's Jim.
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM
(SFX: SARAH SOBS B.G.)
KATE: We sure screwed that up.
TONY: Yep. Still doesn't explain the cover up and fake Colonel.
KATE: They're called Classified Ops for a reason, Tony. We'll probably never know.
TONY: The phone call? Your calling plan include the afterlife, Kate?
KATE: Voice recognition isn't an exact science.
TONY: Neither is Gibbs' gut, and he's convinced there's more going on here than a crank call.
KATE: Well, I hate to break it to you, Tony, but Gibbs can be wrong sometimes.
TONY: Name once.
KATE: The man's been married like four times.
TONY: There is that.
GIBBS: There is what?
TONY: Nothing, boss. Just discussing the case.
KATE: Or a lack thereof. Do you still want to take a look at those L-E-S's?
GIBBS: I don't know. Have you figured out how Kidwell died yet?
KATE: I'll um... I'll just get them in order for you.
GIBBS: Kate? It was three times. Not four.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY
DUCKY: I'm afraid we've got a bit of a mystery here, Gibbs.
GIBBS: Tell me something I don't know, Duck.
DUCKY: Our major appears to be in perfect health.
GIBBS: Except for the part where he's dead. I need to know how and when.
DUCKY: How I'm still working on. When is another question entirely. Yes, the young man has been embalmed.
GERALD: And whoever did the job was definitely a pro.
TONY: How can you tell?
GERALD: My grandfather owned a funeral home. We spent a lot of quality time bonding over the embalming table.
DUCKY: Do you know what a trocar is, Tony?
TONY: I'm guessing it's not an alien on Star Trek?
DUCKY: It's from the French trocar. Three quarts. It's used to enter the abdominal cavities so that the lungs and other major organs can be drained of fluids. But as you can see, whoever did this barely left a mark.
TONY: He does look good for a dead guy.
DUCKY: Well, skin tone is simulated by dyes. Every mortician has his own family recipe. This is one of the best I've seen.
GIBBS: Can you tell me when he died?
DUCKY: He's been perfectly preserved. He could have died days ago or even months. It's impossible to tell which.
GIBBS: Official cause of death is listed as in the line of duty two weeks ago.
DUCKY: Well, two weeks I can believe. But L-O-D usually implies an accident or an injury received in combat. Look, besides minimal bruising of the wrists, really, there's no sign of any external trauma, and his insides...oh, outside of the embalming process there's no evidence of any internal injury.
GIBBS: There's a rumor going around he might have been poisoned.
DUCKY: That's possible. But the tox screens wouldn't be able to detect it.
TONY: Why's that?
DUCKY: His blood's been replaced by embalming fluid, formaldehyde, methanol, ethanol. Looking for another toxin would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.
GIBBS: A dead Marine with no obvious cause of death and someone who didn't want us digging him up. Give you any ideas, Ducky?
DUCKY: One in particular does come to mind.
GIBBS: Me, too. Keep looking. I'll need an answer soon.
DUCKY: He's talking about murder, gentlemen.
TONY: I knew that.
DUCKY: (TO KIDWELL) I don't suppose you'd be willing to phone me, Major, and tell me how?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
KATE: Kidwell's Leave and Earning statements are on top. Two years worth. Now what?
GIBBS: Even top secret spooks get paid.
KATE: And this will help us because...?
GIBBS: The government records everything, Kate. Days at sea, when they received hazardous duty and combat pay. Divorces. His records may be sealed, but if we follow his paycheck...
KATE: We'll find out where he was stationed.
TONY: And who was paying him.
GIBBS: You have one hour to break that down for me.
KATE: Oh, red tape that is actually useful. Who knew?
TONY: Gibbs. But you know what really ticks me off?
KATE: Gibbs?
TONY: No. These guys get paid more than I do.
(SFX: PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Gibbs.
LISA: (V.O./FILTERED) I don't appreciate being interrogated, Agent Gibbs.
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well why don't we start with, who is this?(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
LISA: (INTO PHONE) Lisa Peary. Don't you think I would have told you if Jim Kidwell called me?
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Well, exactly who is interrogating you, Mrs. Peary?
(SCENE CUT)
LISA: (INTO PHONE) He said his name's Agent DiNozzo.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) When did this happen?
(SCENE CUT)
LISA: (INTO PHONE) He's here right now.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Where?
(SCENE CUT)
LISA: (INTO PHONE) Coleman Park.
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) We'll be there in fifteen minutes. Does he know...
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE)...I'm on the phone talking to you?
(SCENE CUT)
LISA: (INTO PHONE) No, I don't think so.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) See if you can't keep him there until I get there.
(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY
DUCKY: Interesting, Gerald. (SHOUTS) Gerald!
GERALD: I'm sorry. I was listening to a football game.
DUCKY: You're wearing a CD player. Are you trying to tell me you find me boring? Never mind. What do you make of this material filling the incision cavity?
GERALD: Well, my grandfather normally used cotton, but in a pinch we sometimes packed it with old newspaper.
DUCKY: To Abby, please.
GERALD: Sure. Right away.
(GERALD WALKS O.S.)
DUCKY: Football. Honestly. (BEAT) Oh, dear Lord. I believe I know how you died, Major. And may the Lord have mercy on your soul.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. PARK - DAY
GIBBS: Mrs. Peary.
LISA: Ah, I tried to keep him here but I think he knew something was up.
GIBBS: Does this look like the man?
LISA: Yes. If he doesn't work for NCIS, who does he work for?
GIBBS: I don't know but I promise you I'm going to find out. Which way did he go?
LISA: Five minutes ago. Wearing a black windbreaker.
GIBBS: Take your kids home. I'll be in touch.
LISA: Kids, let's go! Come on!
(VOICE: "Okay, Mom!")
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
EXT. DIRT PATH - DAY
GIBBS: I don't think so.(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS CHASES MAN)
(GIBBS RUNS DOWN THE EMBANKMENT)
(SFX: GUNFIRE)
GIBBS: Son of a...
(SFX: CAR ACCELERATES)
GIBBS: That's twice. Next time you are mine.
KATE: (V.O.) September...
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. SQUAD ROOM
KATE: ...his unit code changed to three zero three seven zero. His D-S-N-N changed to...
TONY: Slow down! Slow down, please!
KATE: How could you work in law enforcement your entire life and not learn how to type?
TONY: I'm a man of action, Kate.
KATE: More like an action figure.
TONY: Why? Do you want to play with me?
KATE: As in you look good but you really can't do much.
TONY: But I look good.
KATE: Uh... Gibbs, is there anything you want to tell us about?
GIBBS: I got shot at by our fake Colonel.
TONY: No way! Did you nail him?
GIBBS: Nope. What did you guys find?
KATE: Right. Um...in September Peary and Kidwell were transferred from SATCOM to a new unit.
TONY: We've got the RUC number but they're not listed in Marine Corps database.
GIBBS: They wouldn't be. They weren't working for the Corps. Definitely CIA.
KATE: How do you know that?
GIBBS: How many agencies you know that drive economy class armored cars? Come on. Ducky wants to talk to us.
(GIBBS WALKS TO THE DOOR)
TONY: He's really pissed off.
KATE: What? How can you tell? (LONG BEAT) I really need to get better at reading men.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY
DUCKY: It was quite brilliant actually. I almost missed it. But while I was examining the embalming incision, I discovered that the carotid artery showed absolutely no sign of decay. Yes, I once saw a similar case in West Germany where a young boy...
GIBBS: Duck, we don't have time for stories on this one.
DUCKY: Fine. But first, I'd like to ask a question. Do you people find me... boring?
GIBBS/KATE AND TONY: (OVERLAP) No, of course not.
GIBBS: Can we get back to this now?
DUCKY: Yes. I then checked the vitreous for toxins.
TONY: Vitreous?
KATE: Eyeball jelly.
DUCKY: Very good, Kate. The concentrations of methanol confirmed my suspicions. The reason I was unable to determine the cause of death was because our major was alive when they embalmed him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS LAB - DAY
ABBY: The stuff inside Kidwell's neck was definitely newspaper. I'm still processing the scraps, most of it's unreadable, but what I do have is in Spanish.
KATE: Well that means that Kidwell and our fake Colonel were probably in Central or South America recently.
ABBY: I could run his likeness past Marine detachments on embassy duty.
GIBBS: Yeah. Run it. Okay, DiNozzo, what's it say?
TONY: Something about farmers markets and shoes required.
ABBY: Yeah, but look at this.
TONY: December twelfth.
KATE: That can't be right. That was two days ago. The funeral was on the...
GIBBS: Eighth.
TONY: So how does a guy get into a coffin that was buried four days before he supposedly died?
KATE: They knew we were going to dig him up.
GIBBS: They killed him and hoped we wouldn't notice.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
KATE: We know Kidwell was murdered.
TONY: And that lying sack of excrement is somehow involved. What? You prefer I call him a sack of--
KATE: The question now is what happened to Major Peary. Is he still alive?
GIBBS: There's an easy way to check.
KATE: What? Do you think Mrs. Peary is just going to give us permission to dig up his grave?
GIBBS: I don't know, Kate. I wasn't planning on asking her.
ABBY: Hey, guys.
GIBBS: Abby, have you tracked this guy down?
ABBY: Not yet, but I've only heard back from about half of the embassies.
KATE: What is this thing, Abby?
ABBY: Ground penetrating radar. Gibbs didn't tell you?
KATE: Tell us what?
ABBY: You're going grave robbing tonight.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. CEMETERY - NIGHT
TONY: This is so not right. I mean, it's not like we couldn't have done this during daylight.
KATE: Are you afraid of ghosts, Tony?
TONY: No, I'm afraid of getting shot for trespassing. Where the hell is Gibbs?
GIBBS: Right here.
TONY: Don't do that.
GIBBS: Did you calibrate the radar yet?
TONY: Just about. Check this out. Oh, yeah. Look it.
KATE: What's that by the feet?
TONY: I don't know.
GIBBS: Fluffy.
KATE: Eww!
TONY: That must have been one lonely old lady.
GIBBS: And one pissed off poodle. Okay, bring it over here. Let's see if Major Perry's home.
TONY: All right. Well, the casket's metal, Boss. I'm getting some false signatures, but...there is definitely something in there. And it is not Major Peary.
(MUSIC OUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
ABBY: You can run but you cannot hide. What's up, Jack? I've got a friend that's looking forward to beating you. Courtesy of the Marines at the Colombian Embassy. His name is Jack Canton.
GIBBS: This should be enough to get the director of the CIA out of bed.
(SFX: KATE YAWNS)
GIBBS: Tired, Kate?
KATE: It's two a.m., Gibbs.
GIBBS: Better get moving then.
TONY: On what?
GIBBS: I need to know where the newspaper was published that was found in Kidwell.
KATE: Tonight?
GIBBS: Technically speaking, it's this morning.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC ROOM - NIGHT
MORROW: Those Marines we were talking about the other day. What were they doing in Colombia, Bob?
DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Well, they were part of a task force that was helping the locals hunt down Carlos Morales. He's the head of the Putumayo drug cartel.
MORROW: How did they die?
DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Poisoned. Insurgents kidnapped them. We paid the ransom, but they killed them anyway. It happens.
GIBBS: How much was the ransom, Mister Director?
DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Two million. Why?
(SFX: COMPUTER BEEP TONE)
MORROW: Was this the agent responsible for paying it?
DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) And if it is?
GIBBS: We think he kept the money for himself. Now he's trying to cover it up.
DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Those are pretty bold accusations, Agent Gibbs. Do you have any proof of this?
GIBBS: Major Peary wasn't in his grave. And Kidwell was alive four days ago. You tell me, Sir.
MORROW: Where is he now, Bob?
DIRECTOR: (ON SCREEN) Well now he's on his way back to Colombia. Look, if any of this turns out to be true, we will handle it. I do not need NCIS playing internal affairs for my agency.
MORROW: Understood.
(SFX: WALL SCREEN OFF)
MORROW: Go get our Marine.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. C-130 - FLYING
(SFX: STORM B.G.)
TONY: I'd like to officially go on record as saying I really, really miss the Gulfstream we took to GITMO. Are you hungry, Kate?(SFX: KATE GAGS B.G.)
KATE: Oh....oh, Tony. Do I look hungry to you?
TONY: Now that you mention it, you kind of look like...(SFX: THUNDER/ BANGING B.G.)
KATE: Tell me that's normal.
TONY: Sure.(SFX: BANGING B.G.)
TONY: Uh, no. That I'm not so sure about.
KATE: Great. How long 'till we get to Colombia?
TONY: Not long. Five, six hours, tops.
KATE: Is he really sleeping or is that just an act.
TONY: No, he's really sleeping.
KATE: How can you tell?
TONY: He looks peaceful.
(PASSAGE OF TIME)
(GIBBS AWAKENS LOUDLY)
GIBBS: Good morning. Sleep well?
KATE: By "well" you mean violently throwing up all night and bouncing around like rag dolls?
TONY: Yeah, boss. We slept very well. Thanks for asking.
GIBBS: Aw...you'll get used to it.
KATE: That's what I'm afraid of.
CO-PILOT: Sir, we'll be landing in about thirty minutes.
GIBBS: Did you hear back from the embassy yet, Staff Sergeant?
STAFF SERGEANT: The Marines are expecting you. They won't let Canton's partner leave his office until you get there.
GIBBS: Okay. My compliments to the pilot. (BEAT) What you looking for, Kate?
KATE: Uh... the ladies room.
(TONY CHUCKLES)
KATE: Okay, the men's room.
GIBBS: There's no men's room.
KATE: Well then how the hell am I supposed to go to the bathroom? (BEAT) You're kidding, right? No way. Forget it. I can wait.
GIBBS: Okay. Suit yourself.
KATE: Damn it! Where?
GIBBS: Well, if you want some privacy, probably go down behind those boxes there.
KATE: God I miss Air Force One.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. EMBASSY - DAY
GIBBS: (V.O.) What do you mean you lost him?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. FIELD OFFICE - DAY
GONZALES: We tracked Canton to an insurgent camp. By the time we got there he was gone.
GIBBS: What do you think about that, Kate? Do you think Agent Gonzales here is working for Canton?
KATE: It's possible. Two million can go a long way in Colombia.
GONZALES: If I was rogue do you think I'd be sitting in this office sweating my ass off, Agent Todd?
KATE: I don't know. Let me see your ass.
GONZALES: Canton doesn't even know we're onto him. He's probably going to walk into this door tomorrow.
GIBBS: Yeah, well that's a good plan, except by then Peary'll probably already be dead.
TONY: The newspaper we found on Kidwell was published in Bosa.
GONZALES: That's about ten miles from here.
TONY: How many funeral parlors would you say they have?
GONZALES: What does that have to do with anything?
GIBBS: Humor us.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. FUNERAL PARLOR - DAY
GONZALES: There's Canton's car out front. How'd you know?
GIBBS: Because he embalmed Major Kidwell when he was still alive.
GONZALES: He's joking, right?
TONY: Canton told your agency the Marines were poisoned two weeks ago.
GONZALES: Yeah, with formaldehyde.
TONY: Well, if Peary's body turns up stabbed, shot or beaten, he blows his cover.
KATE: And then there's the time of death. He can't have two day-old bodies. The embalming hides it. The perfect cover up.
GIBBS: No such thing.
GONZALES: I always knew he was a sick b*st*rd, but that's just... hold on, Gibbs. This isn't the U.S. I've got to call the Colombians in on this.
GIBBS: Well, you do that. Tony take the front door. Kate and I will go around back.
GONZALES: Now I know why everyone in the CIA hates these guys.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/TONY/ KATE AND GIBBS MOVE TOWARD THE FUNERAL HOME)
(CAMERA ANGLE ON PRIEST RECITING PRAYER IN SPANISH)
(ACTION CONTINUES AS THEY MOVE CLOSER TO THE FUNERAL HOME WINDOWS)
(SFX: GIBBS WHISTLES)
(SFX: GUNSHOT)
(MUSIC OVER ACTION CONTINUES AS THEY RUSH INTO THE FUNERAL HOME)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CHAPEL - DAY
TONY: Get them out of here!
GONZALES: (IN SPANISH) It's an emergency! Get out!
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE AND GIBBS MOVE DOWN THE HALLWAY)
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. DOOR TO BASEMENT - DAY
GONZALES: Are you ready?
(SFX: GUNSHOT)
TONY: Maybe not.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. HALLWAY - DAY
GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Grenade!
(SFX: EXPLOSION)
(CAMERA ANGLE ON PATRONS AS THEY RUSH FROM THE CHAPEL)
(SFX: VOICES B.G. IN SPANISH)
GIBBS: Are you okay?
KATE: I think so. Is that my blood?
GIBBS: No.
CANTON: (V.O.) Gibbs, I know you're out there. Answer me or I'll pop this Marine.
GONZALES: Jack! It's me! Gonzales! I'm coming in!
CANTON: This doesn't concern you, Gonzales. I want Gibbs. Unarmed.
(SFX: GUNSHOT)
(SFX: GONZALES SLUMPS TO THE FLOOR)
CANTON: (V.O.) I said Gibbs. (ON CAMERA) The Marine is next.
GIBBS: If he dies, you die. You don't get past me.
CANTON: Look, I just want to talk to you, okay?
GIBBS: Why don't I believe that?
CANTON: From where I'm standing, you don't have much choice. If you want your Marine back, you deal with me.
GIBBS: Okay. (TO KATE) Relax your shoulders.
CANTON: What's it going to be, Gibbs?!
GIBBS: I'm coming in.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS WALKS INTO THE ROOM)
CANTON: Two million dollars. It was all mine. But you wouldn't let up. You really think I'm going to let you walk out of here?
GIBBS: I figured you were going to say that.
CANTON: I can't believe you trusted me.
GIBBS: You sound just like my ex-wife.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/KATE AND TONY FIRE AT CANTON)
(SFX: RAPID GUNSHOTS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. PEARY HOUSE - DAY
(SFX: CHILDREN B.G.)
ZACK: Kick the ball straight.
TRACY: Watch me again.(SFX: CAR SLOWS TO A STOP)
(SFX: CAR DOORS OPEN/CLOSE)
ZACK: Daddy! It's Daddy! Daddy! Daddy, I missed you!
TRACY: Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!
MAJOR PEARY: Hey! I really missed you. (TO GIBBS) Thank you. Thank you all so much.
LISA: Oh god, what happened to your ear?
MAJOR PEARY: I'll live.
(KATE/ TONY AND GIBBS WALK TO THE CAR)
TONY: I'm telling you, that wasn't my fault, Kate.
KATE: Oh, so it was mine?
TONY: Gibbs saw the whole thing. Let him decide.
KATE: Fine. Ask him.
TONY: I will.
(SFX: CAR SLOWS TO A STOP)
(SFX: HORN HONKS)
(GIBBS DRIVES OFF WITH THE REDHEAD)
(MUSIC OUT)
(ENDING CREDITS AND TITLE UP AND OUT) | Plan: A: The team; Q: Who is called to investigate when a dead Marine's wife receives a phone call from her husband? A: Marine; Q: What was the first person killed in the case? A: suspicious circumstances; Q: What is the cause of death of the dead Marine? A: the case; Q: What is complicated when someone impersonates the Marine's CO and Tony? A: the Marine; Q: Who turns up embalmed two days after his funeral? A: the investigation; Q: What is the rogue CIA agent trying to wrap up? A: his funeral; Q: What event did the Marine's wife think had taken place two days before his death? A: Gibbs; Q: Who suspects CIA involvement? A: a cover-up; Q: Why did the CIA kill the Marine? A: disaster; Q: What did the mission end in? A: the money; Q: What does the rogue CIA agent flee with? A: the two kidnapped Marines; Q: What did the CIA pay to save? A: the clock; Q: What are the team racing against? A: the rogue CIA agent; Q: Who is trying to kill the Marine's partner? Summary: The team is called to investigate when a dead Marine's wife receives a phone call from her husband who supposedly died under suspicious circumstances. However, the case is complicated when someone impersonates the Marine's CO and Tony. As the investigation continues, the Marine turns up embalmed , having been killed two days after his funeral supposedly took place. Gibbs suspects CIA involvement, and the team soon find themselves tracking a rogue operative who killed the first Marine as a part of a cover-up in regards to a classified mission that ended in disaster and is now attempting to kill off the dead Marine's partner to make sure that the investigation is wrapped up while he flees with the money the CIA previously paid in an attempt to save the two kidnapped Marines. As such, the team find themselves racing against the clock as they attempt to rescue the deceased Marine's partner before another murder takes place and take down the rogue CIA agent once and for all. |
THE FACELESS ONES
by DAVID ELLIS and MALCOLM HULKE
first broadcast - 15th April 1967
[SCENE_BREAK]
1. MEDICAL CENTRE
(Steering and supporting the muffled figure between them, SPENCER and BLADE make their way across the Tarmac and into the main airport building. They guide their shambling charge along the corridors, up an escalator, across the main concourse and through a set of automatic glass doors marked Medical Centre. They lead their charge through the foyer and Blade unlocks a door to an inner room, which is furnished with couches and examination tables. They help the figure to sit on one of the low tables and BLADE takes off the cap and scarf, revealing the creature's head. There are no features, and except for the eyes nothing you could call a face. Nothing but a completely blank sphere, across which run pulsating veins...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2. IMMIGRATION
(The COMMANDANT is doing his despairing best to get things sorted out.)
COMMANDANT: You're quite sure you've never met these men? They say they know you.
(POLLY, or rather the girl who looks so astonishingly like POLLY but maintains she is someone else, gives him a wide-eyed stare.)
"POLLY": But they can't know me. This is my first visit to England!
JAMIE: But Polly, it's us, me and the Doctor!
(The DOCTOR looks thoughtfully at the girl.)
DOCTOR: Would you mind telling us your name?
"POLLY": I am Michelle Leuppi from Zurich.
DOCTOR: You have a passport?
MICHELLE: Yes, of course. Here.
(She hands it over.)
MICHELLE: Have I done something wrong?
(The COMMANDANT leafs through the passport and hands it back.)
COMMANDANT: Oh no, I don't suppose there's anything for you to worry about, Miss. May I just ask what you're doing in England?
MICHELLE: I have come here to work. Look, here is my work permit.
(The COMMANDANT takes the document, studies it and then hands it back.)
COMMANDANT: Oh, yes, that's quite in order. Thank you. Excuse me.
DOCTOR: Where did you learn such excellent English?
MICHELLE: I had an English governess. Would you mind telling me what's happening?
COMMANDANT: Nothing that need concern you, miss, everything's perfectly in order. Now if you'd just like to go through there?
MICHELLE: Thank you.
(The girl goes through the barrier and begins walking away.)
JAMIE: Polly, wait!
(He tries to go through the barrier but the COMMANDANT bars his way.)
COMMANDANT: Just a minute young man.
JAMIE: But she's a friend of ours - and she saw the murder!
(The COMMANDANT snatches up the phone on the desk beside the barrier and begins to dial.)
COMMANDANT: You're going to wait here until the Superintendent of police arrives - now understand that?
DOCTOR: Ah, you're going to tell him about the dead body, very sensible.
COMMANDANT: No. I am going to tell him about you. (Into the phone.) Put me through to Superintendent Reynolds.
DOCTOR: (Whispering.) Jamie, I don't think we're very welcome here. When I say run, we run!
COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Hello Super, Commandant. I've got a couple of illegal entrants here. Yes... Immigration Desk Number Five.
(The DOCTOR studies the situation for a moment. The COMMANDANT is talking into the phone, JENKINS is checking the last few arrivals through...)
DOCTOR: Run!
(Before anyone can stop them the Doctor and Jamie shoot past the barrier and run out of the reception area, disappearing into the crowds that throng the main concourse.)
JENKINS: Commandant!
(JENKINS is far too well trained to leave his post and go in pursuit of the Doctor and Jamie, and the COMMANDANT has no intention of chasing fugitives through his own airport. He speaks calmly into the phone.)
COMMANDANT: Situation changed. They've just made a run for it. I'll give you their description...
[SCENE_BREAK]
3. MEDICAL CENTRE
(In the medical centre, BLADE and SPENCER are going through a series of routine operations with the practised calm of those who have carried out the same tasks many times before. The blob-headed faceless creature, a sort of unfinished model of a human being, lies gasping painfully on one of the couches. On a parallel couch close by lies a body, covered with a sheet. Satisfied that all is ready, Blade pulls the sheet away. Beneath it lies MEADOWS, the Air Traffic Controller. A pretty-looking woman in a nurse's uniform comes through the doors. She is called NURSE PINTO but since she is connected with Chameleon Tours she is referred to as CHAMELEON-PINTO.)
BLADE: Quick! He's suffocating.
CHAMELEON-PINTO: (Dispassionately.) You were twenty minutes late.
(She goes to a store cupboard, unlocks it, and produces two devices that looks like large metallic arm-bands, one black and one white. The white one she hands to BLADE, the black to SPENCER. Moving with the same unhurried precision, Blade begins clamping the white band to MEADOWS's bare forearm, while SPENCER attaches the black band to the shapeless creature that lies gasping on the table. The CHAMELEON-PINTO meanwhile is wheeling a complex piece of apparatus to a position between the two tables. It looks somewhat like an X-ray machine, though its real function was very different. She begins connecting the apparatus to the black sheath on one side and the white one on the other with a network of fine electronic cables. BLADE looks down at the motionless human figure.)
BLADE: Who is he?
CHAMELEON-PINTO: Meadows - Air Traffic Control.
BLADE: Good! He may be useful to us.
(The nurse switches on the apparatus, which begins humming with power. The two figures on the tables are both affected, though very differently. The still figure of MEADOWS began jerking and twitching galvanically. But the shapeless gasping figure on the other table became calm and still. On the round blank head, the outline of features began to form. They are the features of MEADOWS...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
4. AIRPORT CONCOURSE
(With majestic dignity, two very large policemen stride through the busy airport concourse, cleaving through the sea of camera-laden Japanese tourists, Majorca-bound family parties and rucksack-bearing Australians and Scandinavians. They pass a photo-booth, noting idly the jeaned legs protruding beneath the drawn half-curtain. They are looking for a little man in strange clothes and a lad in a kilt... The policemen pass on. Inside the booth, BEN gives a sigh of relief... Proceeding on much the same assumptions that their prey wouldn't be in the concourse in full view, the policemen pass a bench on which sit two travellers their faces hidden behind newspapers. A more observant officer might have noted that one of the papers was in German, and held upside-down... This paper is lowered as the policemen passed on.)
JAMIE: They're still hunting for us, Doctor.
DOCTOR: Yes. We'll have to keep out of their way until we can prove our story.
JAMIE: A fine chance we have of doing that - with Polly kidding on she doesn't know us!
DOCTOR: I don't think Polly was kidding on. In fact I don't think that was Polly.
JAMIE: Of course, it was Polly! You saw her!
DOCTOR: You don't want to believe everything you see, Jamie.
(At the far end of the long concourse the two policemen have wheeled round and are on their way back. JAMIE, with a much-hunted man's awareness of the movement of enemies, has registered the change of direction.)
JAMIE: Doctor!
(They raise the spread newspapers until the two policemen have moved on.)
JAMIE: All clear, Doctor.
(But the DOCTOR isn't just hiding behind his paper, he is actually reading it.)
JAMIE: Doctor!
DOCTOR: Jamie! What was the name of that hangar?
JAMIE: Polly said... Chameleon something.
DOCTOR: Yes, Chameleon Tours.
(He folds the paper open and passes it to JAMIE.)
DOCTOR: An advertisement for Chameleon Youth Tours. "Budget Tours for young people between the ages of eighteen and twenty five."
JAMIE: What do they mean by budget?
DOCTOR: Inexpensive, cheap! This could be the bait. Do you know what a chameleon is, Jamie?
JAMIE: It's just a name, I suppose?
DOCTOR: It is the name of a small animal, a lizard that can change it's colour to merge with it's background. But it's a name that could equally be applied to people as well. People who change their personalities to suit their own ends. Budget Tours... young people between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five. Oh yes, there's something strange going on here.
BEN: Doctor! Jamie!
DOCTOR: Ben! Are you all right?
BEN: Yeah, I'm okay.
JAMIE: Well that's a relief.
BEN: What happened to you two and where's Polly?
DOCTOR: We can't talk here. We've got to find somewhere to hide. Something about passports.
BEN: I've got the very place. Come on.
[SCENE_BREAK]
5. MEDICAL CENTRE
(On one of the couches there now lies a creature that looks exactly like Air Traffic Controller MEADOWS. It wears MEADOWS's clothes, and it wears Meadows' face. On another couch the real Meadows lies motionless and drained. (The fake MEADOWS will be known as CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.) CHAMELEON-PINTO switches off the machine.)
BLADE: Is he all right?
CHAMELEON-PINTO: We'll see.
(She and BLADE take hold of the CHAMELEON-MEADOWS and sit him upright on the edge of the couch. Taking a pin from the front of her apron she jabs it into CHAMELEON-MEADOWS's hand. CHAMELEON-MEADOWS jumps. CHAMELEON-PINTO points to an optical chart on the opposite wall.)
CHAMELEON-PINTO: Read the first line!
(The creature blinks and the first line blurs and then comes clear. Inarticulate croaking sounds come from the creature's throat.)
CHAMELEON-PINTO: Vocal control.
(BLADE adjusts a dial set into the sheath on the CHAMELEON-MEADOWS arm.)
BLADE: Try that.
CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: H... X... O... A...
(At first the voice is blurred, but by the time all the letters on the chart have been read out the Chameleon is speaking in a firm, clear voice - MEADOWS's voice. CHAMELEON-PINTO steps back.)
CHAMELEON-PINTO: All complete.
(She takes a personnel file from a nearby shelf and hands it to BLADE. He opens it, studies it for a moment and then goes and stands over the CHAMELEON-MEADOWS.)
BLADE: Who are you?
CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: My name is George Meadows. I work at Air Traffic Control, Gatwick Airport.
BLADE: Where do you live?
CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Number Ten, Sylvia Avenue.
(BLADE frowns.)
BLADE: Number Ten?
CHAMELEON-MEADOWS: Until last week, We lived at Number Thirty-Four. I've been too busy to tell the Personnel Department of the change.
(BLADE closes the file.)
BLADE: Excellent!
[SCENE_BREAK]
6. AIRPORT CONCOURSE
(Trying to look like typical travellers killing time before take-off, the DOCTOR, BEN & JAMIE stroll through the busy concourse. BEN is glancing all around, alert for policemen or security staff. His eyes fall on a little kiosk set into the side of the concourse. It is the usual sort of thing, the kind of set-up used by car-hire firms or travel agencies, a counter for the public with behind it a tiny office bright with posters and leaflets. Behind the counter a fair-haired girl is working on some papers.)
BEN: Look! There's Polly!
(BEN starts forwards, but the DOCTOR puts a hand on his arm.)
DOCTOR: Yes, look who she's working for!
(He points to the sign over the kiosk: Chameleon Tours.)
JAMIE: Chameleon Tours.
DOCTOR: Yes, leave this to me.
(He strolls over to the kiosk, and the others follow close behind him.)
DOCTOR: Polly.
MICHELLE: (Coldly.) Please go away.
DOCTOR: Now, something has happened to you, Polly. I want you to try to remember up to the time we left the hangar.
MICHELLE: I don't know what you're talking about.
DOCTOR: Now think, Polly. There were three of us in the hangar. You were showing us something. Now what was it?
MICHELLE: I tell you, I don't know what you're talking about.
DOCTOR: The hangar, Polly, The Chameleon Hangar. You said you'd seen the man who did it.
MICHELLE: I didn't see anything. I think you're mad. If I'd seen anyone shot, I'd have gone to the police...
(The girl stops talking, conscious that she has somehow betrayed herself.)
DOCTOR: Anyone shot?
MICHELLE: I... I mean murdered...
DOCTOR: I didn't say anyone was shot, or murdered, Polly.
(For the first time the girl shows some trace of emotion.)
MICHELLE: (Crying.) Look, please, will you just leave me alone.
(She turns back to her paperwork. BEN has been listening to all this in astonishment.)
BEN: What's happened to her, Doctor?
DOCTOR: I don't know. But I mean to find out. Come on, let's find that place where we can talk.
BEN: Right.
(They all walk off, the girl stares after them...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK, INNER ROOM
(There is a sectioned-off cubicle at the back of the Chameleon Tours kiosk, and BLADE sits there, watching the exchange on a monitor. When the DOCTOR and his friends move away...)
BLADE: Come in here.
(He speaks in a whisper, but on the monitor MICHELLE raises her head, hearing the words in her mind. She rises and comes into the cubicle.)
BLADE: I was going to brief you for this assignment, but there isn't any purpose, now.
MICHELLE: I have failed, then?
BLADE: Circumstances are against you. I'll make arrangements for you to leave on the next flight.
MICHELLE: Back to base?
BLADE: Yes.
MICHELLE: What about that man? He's very persistent.
(BLADE gives her one of his mirthless smiles.)
BLADE: Don't worry about him. We have ways of dealing with such people...
[SCENE_BREAK]
8. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM
(The creature in the shape of George MEADOWS strolls casually into Air Traffic Control, taps a colleague on the shoulder and relieves him at the console. When JEAN follows him into the room a moment later, everything seems normal. The COMMANDANT has a visitor at his desk and they seem to be locked in argument. The visitor is a burly dark-suited man with a heavy moustache. In his quiet, conventional way he looks even more formidable than the COMMANDANT himself. The visitor is Detective Inspector CROSSLAND.)
CROSSLAND: Are you sure you haven't seen him, sir?
COMMANDANT: I'm quite sure! Oh Jean, this is Detective Inspector Crossland. Give him any help you can. If you'll excuse me?
CROSSLAND: Yes, of course, sir.
(As the COMMANDANT strides away, JEAN gives CROSSLAND a placating smile.)
JEAN: Well now Inspector, what can I do for you?
CROSSLAND: Well, I think I'll need a pass for a start.
JEAN: Well that's easily arranged.
(JEAN goes to her desk and begins filling out the necessary forms.)
JEAN: Anything else?
CROSSLAND: Yes, I was supposed to meet a colleague of mine here, a Detective Inspector Gascoigne.
JEAN: Yes?
CROSSLAND: Well, he was investigating a missing person off one of your charter flights. The funny thing is, he hasn't shown up!
(JEAN is filling out a pass.)
JEAN: Detective-Inspector Crossland...
(She reaches for a record form.)
JEAN: What shall I say your business is?
CROSSLAND: Investigation into Chameleon Youth Tours.
[SCENE_BREAK]
9. PHOTO MACHINE
(JAMIE is perched on an uncomfortably narrow bench inside a tiny curtained cubicle, staring into a circular glass screen. The bench wouldn't have been all that big for one, but with the DOCTOR on one side and BEN on the other, they are really jammed.)
JAMIE: What is this place?
BEN: It's a machine that takes your photograph.
JAMIE: Photograph?
BEN: Well, you see you've got...
DOCTOR: No Ben, not now. What puzzles me is this girl pretending to be Polly, yet... yet in a way, she is Polly.
BEN: Do you think she's been brainwashed?
DOCTOR: No, not in the time. Whatever happened to her happened to her in a few minutes. Look out!
(An elderly lady draws back the curtain and sees the DOCTOR, JAMIE & BEN all staring into the lens with fixed toothy grins. She gives them a shocked glare, re-draws the curtains and hurries away.)
DOCTOR: All right. Now Ben, Jamie, we've got to find out more about Chameleon Youth Tours, but the trouble is, we're not free to move around with the authorities looking for us.
BEN: Well, they're not looking for me.
DOCTOR: Well, that's true. You could investigate the hangar.
BEN: (Confidently.) Leave it to me. Now what about you?
DOCTOR: I'm going back to the Commandant and try and convince him that there's a murderer abroad.
(JAMIE looks from one to the other and decides that there was a better chance of action with BEN.)
JAMIE: Well I'll go with Ben.
DOCTOR: No, Jamie, I want you to find your way back to the Chameleon kiosk and keep an eye on Polly.
(They split up. While they are walking off and JAMIE gets himself settled we can hear the flight announcements and the crowds of a normal everyday busy International Airport.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK
(The girl who looks like POLLY is still shuffling paperwork at the Chameleon Tours desk. Another girl approaches, a round-faced, dark-haired girl who looks as if she might normally be a rather jolly, cheeky type. But at the moment she appears tired and worried, and her eyes look as if she's been crying. Her name is Samantha Briggs (SAMANTHA) Timidly she goes up to the counter.)
SAMANTHA: Oh! Err, are you in charge here?
(There is a faint nasal Liverpool twang to her voice. MICHELLE looks at the scruffy little figure.)
MICHELLE: Ah, yes. Can I help you?
SAMANTHA: Yes. I... I'm Samantha Briggs and I've come down from Liverpool.
MICHELLE: (Disinterested.) Oh, really?
SAMANTHA: It's about my brother, Brian Briggs -
MICHELLE: What about him?
SAMANTHA: He went on one of your tours, and now he's disappeared.
MICHELLE: I'm sorry, I don't follow.
SAMANTHA: Well, it's really very simple. I tried to get the telephone number of the hotel you sent him to, and the operator said there was no such place.
MICHELLE: Well, the operator must have been mistaken then.
(She turns away but SAMANTHA bangs the kiosk to get her attention back.)
SAMANTHA: So... I got in touch with the police and they said that Brian wasn't staying at any hotel in Rome.
MICHELLE: Well, um, perhaps he changed his mind and decided to go on a different tour then.
(SAMANTHA slaps a grubby picture postcard down on the counter.)
SAMANTHA: Well what about this then? A post-card from Brian, posted in Rome!
(The blonde girl picks up the postcard and studies it. On the front is a garish picture of the Fountain of Trevi, and the back bears a simple scrawled message of the "Wish You Were Here" variety.)
MICHELLE: Yes, that does seem odd, doesn't it. Erm, would you like me to make some enquiries, for you?
(There is a sharp edge to SAMANTHA's voice.)
SAMANTHA: Well, what do you think I've come all the way down from Liverpool for?
MICHELLE: Well - since you've put the matter with the police, why have you?
(SAMANTHA chokes back a sob.)
SAMANTHA: Police. They said that dozens of people go missing every week and they haven't got the men to go chasing after them all.
MICHELLE: I see. What did you say your brother's name was?
SAMANTHA: Brian Briggs. Would you like me to spell it for you?
MICHELLE: (Calm.) That won't be necessary, thank you. I'll see what I can find out, if you don't mind waiting.
(She turns and makes her way to the rear of the kiosk. SAMANTHA pulls a face at her retreating back.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
11. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK, INNER ROOM
(In the rear room, the girl sits at the monitor screen and touches a control on the console beneath. SPENCER's face appears.)
MICHELLE: Is Captain Blade there?
SPENCER: No.
MICHELLE: Well, I must speak with him - urgently. Enquiries about a missing passenger.
SPENCER: I'll tell him to contact you. He shouldn't be long.
(The screen goes dark.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
12. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK
(The girl reappears at the counter.)
MICHELLE: The gentleman I wanted to speak with wasn't available, they're trying to find him. Do you want to wait?
SAMANTHA: Well, I've got nothing else to do, have I? I'll be over there.
(Fuming, SAMANTHA marches to the nearest bench and sits down. She is dimly aware of someone else on the other end of the bench. She realises it is a pleasant-looking young man in a kilt and a roll-neck sweater. He is reading a newspaper. Fishing a handkerchief out of her pocket, SAMANTHA blows her nose hard, struggling to hold back tears of tiredness and depression.)
SAMANTHA: Oh blast!
(Beside her the young Scot lowers his paper.)
JAMIE: Is anything the matter?
(SAMANTHA gives him a tearful smile.)
SAMANTHA: Stuck up thing!
JAMIE: What?
SAMANTHA: Not you. That girl! She just couldn't care less.
JAMIE: About finding your brother.
SAMANTHA: Yes.
JAMIE: I couldn't help overhearing. Do you think something's happened to him.
SAMANTHA: Well, that's just it, I don't know. Oh, Brian can take care of himself all right, but still...
JAMIE: Aye, well I hope you're right.
SAMANTHA: What d'you mean?
JAMIE: I might just be able to help you. I can't tell you anything at the moment but later I'd like you to meet a friend of mine. I'm sure he'll know what's best.
(Abruptly the young man disappears behind his newspaper. SAMANTHA looks up and sees a policeman strolling past.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
13. AIRPORT CONTROL ROOM
(The COMMANDANT, back at his desk, is rapidly working his way through a pile of paperwork. JEAN appears at his elbow preparing to tell him that the man who is going to blow the COMMANDANT's tidy life away is here.)
JEAN: Excuse me, sir.
(The COMMANDANT mumbles a reply.)
JEAN: There's a gentleman to see you.
(There is a hint of amusement in her voice.)
COMMANDANT: Did he say what about?
JEAN: Well yes. It's about a dead body.
(A dreadful suspicion is dawning in the COMMANDANT's mind.)
COMMANDANT: Bring him in.
(JEAN goes to the door.)
JEAN: Would you come in, please?
DOCTOR: Thank you.
(A small shabby figure in a scruffy frock-coat walks into the room. Spotting the COMMANDANT, he hurries up to him with a beaming smile.)
DOCTOR: Ah, Commandant. How nice to see you again.
(The COMMANDANT shudders and picks up the phone.)
COMMANDANT: Airport Police please.
DOCTOR: At least hear what I have to say.
COMMANDANT: I've heard all I want to from you.
(The COMMANDANT listens to the phone for a moment and then snaps...)
COMMANDANT: What do you mean, they're engaged. This is the Commandant. Thank you.
DOCTOR: If you're going to speak to the police, then tell them that there's something happening in this airport that may endanger human lives.
COMMANDANT: (Into phone.) Hello police? Commandant. Would you send a couple of men down here at once please.
DOCTOR: Since I'm obviously about to be arrested may I make one last request? Listen to me for just one minute.
COMMANDANT: Not for one second. I've heard all I want to hear about burnt fibres, ray guns, disappearing people...
DOCTOR: But there was a dead body in the Chameleon Tours hangar!
JEAN: Did you say "Chameleon Tours"?
(The DOCTOR turns round, hoping he's found an ally.)
DOCTOR: Why, do you know something about it?
(JEAN looks at the COMMANDANT.)
JEAN: Well no, but the Inspector Crossland wanted to know...
COMMANDANT: All right, Jean. I'll handle this.
(He looks up relieved as two policemen hurry into the room.)
COMMANDANT: Ah, take this man away, put him under lock and key and keep him there!
(The DOCTOR backs away as the police close in. Suddenly his hand flashes into his pocket, reappearing with something round and black.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) One step nearer and I'll blow you all to smithereens!
(Convinced that they really are dealing with a dangerous madman the two policemen freeze. The DOCTOR backs away to the door, pausing when he reaches it.)
DOCTOR: Catch!
(...and lobs what he was holding at the COMMANDANT. The COMMANDANT, takes the catch automatically, and finds himself holding not a deadly grenade but a child's rubber ball. He looks at the door, but the DOCTOR has disappeared.)
COMMANDANT: All right, after him!
[SCENE_BREAK]
14. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK, INNER ROOM
(The girl who looks like POLLY is talking to BLADE on the monitor.)
BLADE: That's quite clear, is it? You know what to tell her?
MICHELLE: I do.
BLADE: As soon as you've got rid of the girl, close the kiosk and get on the next flight.
[SCENE_BREAK]
15. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK
(The girl leaves the rear cubicle, goes back to her counter and calls...)
MICHELLE: Miss Briggs.
(SAMANTHA hurries over from her bench.)
SAMANTHA: (Hopefully.) Yes. Have you found anything?
MICHELLE: Err, well yes, I have. But I'm afraid it doesn't help very much. Your brother definitely did get on our flight to Rome, but what he did when he got off the plane, I couldn't tell you.
(SAMANTHA isn't the girl to give up after all this time.)
SAMANTHA: Well, if you can't, who can?
MICHELLE: Miss Briggs, We're dealing with thousands of passengers every week. We can't keep track of every single one. If I were you, I'd go back to Liverpool. I'm sure your brother will turn up eventually. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to close this kiosk.
(She begins pulling down shutters enclosing the counter area.)
SAMANTHA: Thanks for nothing.
(She goes back to join JAMIE on their bench.)
SAMANTHA: There's something funny going on here.
JAMIE: Why?
SAMANTHA: My brother's vanished, and that lot just couldn't care less.
[SCENE_BREAK]
16. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR
(BEN manages to cross the Tarmac undetected and slips cautiously inside the Chameleon Tours hangar. BEN stands in the shadows by the doorway, looking round. Suddenly he spots something new, a group of packing cases on the far side of the hangar. They are long and narrow. Coffin-shaped. He moves slowly towards them. The first lid he tries is fastened down tight. The second has not yet been fastened. BEN lifts it away, and finds himself staring down at POLLY. There is a white metal sheath on her arm. For one terrible moment he thinks she is dead. Then he realises that she is still alive - alive but somehow dormant. BEN dashes for the inner office...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
17. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, INNER OFFICE
(There is a telephone on the desk and BEN snatches it up.)
BEN: (Into phone.) Hello? What's the name of the man who's in charge of this airport? The Commandant? Right, well look, can you put me through to his office, please? All right, then Air Traffic Control but I want to speak to a friend of mine who should be with the Commandant, right now...
[SCENE_BREAK]
18. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK
(The DOCTOR, of course, left the COMMANDANT some little time ago and is now back at the Chameleon Tours kiosk. JAMIE jumps up eagerly as he comes into sight.)
JAMIE: Doctor, I'd like you to meet this young lady.
DOCTOR: What young lady? Where's Polly?
JAMIE: She's still inside.
(The DOCTOR gives SAMANTHA a preoccupied smile.)
DOCTOR: Ah, I shan't be a minute.
[SCENE_BREAK]
19. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK, INNER ROOM
(The kiosk is locked and shuttered but the DOCTOR's sonic screwdriver makes short work of the lock and he hurries inside.)
DOCTOR: Polly...
(It is empty. Rummaging through the drawers of the desk in the inner office he finds a pile of postcards from various foreign countries, and sheets of unused foreign stamps. The DOCTOR sits at the desk for a moment, thinking hard. There is a monitor set into the wall at eye-level. It is live, showing a general view of the crowds milling about on the concourse. There is a model aeroplane on a stand on the desk, and guided by some instinct the DOCTOR catches the tailed and pulls it gently. The model plane clicks round to a different angle and the picture on the monitor changes. Now it shows a woman in a nurse's uniform checking over equipment in a room that looks like part of some kind of medical centre. Pleased with his new toy, the Doctor clicks the plane into a new position. This time the monitor shows BEN, talking urgently into a phone. Fascinated, the Doctor leans forward. He can hear Ben's voice through some hidden speaker.)
BEN: (OOV.) But why wouldn't you listen to him? It's all true. I'm in the Chameleon Hangar now and I've just f...
(A figure appears behind BEN holding a small metallic device. He points it at the back of BEN's neck and suddenly BEN freezes.)
DOCTOR: Ben!
(Frantically he fiddles with the plane, trying to establish communication.)
DOCTOR: Ben, can you hear me?
(He twiddles one of the engines of the model plane.)
DOCTOR: Ben, can you hear me?
[SCENE_BREAK]
20. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, INNER ROOM
(Hurriedly grabbing the phone from BEN's hand and slamming it down, SPENCER slips the metal device in his pocket. Suddenly a voice comes from a speaker...)
DOCTOR: (OOV.) Ben, are you all right, can you hear me? Ben! Ben! Ben, can you hear me?
(SPENCER turns and dashes back into the inner room. He looks up and sees the DOCTOR on a monitor screen. BLADE hurries through from the outer office.)
BLADE: Who is he?
(SPENCER points to the monitor screen.)
SPENCER: A friend of that Doctor on the screen.
(As they watch, the DOCTOR jumps up and hurries away.)
BLADE: Did he see what happened in there?
SPENCER: He must have done.
BLADE: Then he'll be coming here. We'd better be prepared for him. First, dispose of the body.
(BEN is just returning to life as they hurry back into the office. Snatching out the freezer gun, SPENCER restores him to immobility. BLADE hurries to a corner of the hangar and comes back with a wheelchair. Putting down the pen device, SPENCER helps BLADE to lift BEN's frozen body into the chair.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21. IMMIGRATION
(Detective Inspector CROSSLAND has reached JENKINS at Immigration Desk Number Five by now and is showing him a picture of an average-looking pleasant-faced young man.)
JENKINS: Who is he?
CROSSLAND: His name's Brian Briggs. Supposed to have come through here about a week ago, on holiday.
JENKINS: Thousands of people come through here a week.
CROSSLAND: Aye, well it was just a chance.
(Putting the picture away, CROSSLAND produces another one, a portrait of an older man.)
CROSSLAND: Do you remember that man?
(To CROSSLAND's surprise JENKINS replies instantly.)
JENKINS: Oh yes, I remember him. He had a pass. But I can't remember his name.
CROSSLAND: He's a colleague of mine, Detective Inspector Gascoigne. Now when did he come back?
JENKINS: I couldn't tell you. There are so many faces. There was a bit of bother this morning, he could have slipped through then.
CROSSLAND: What sort of bother?
JENKINS: Two people without passports, who told some sort of story about a body in a hangar.
CROSSLAND: What happened?
JENKINS: Ah, it was all a hoax. These two men they ran away. The airport police are still looking for them!
CROSSLAND: Can you describe them to me?
JENKINS: One was a scruffy-looking man, medium-height, wearing a frock-coat, the other was a Scots boy dressed in a kilt!
CROSSLAND: Oh, shouldn't be too hard to find.
[SCENE_BREAK]
22. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK
(JAMIE is getting worried. The DOCTOR has shot out of the kiosk locking it behind him, and told JAMIE to wait where he was, keeping an eye on the kiosk, until they came back. SAMANTHA looks at JAMIE's face and sees the worry.)
SAMANTHA: Hey, you think we should go after your friend? He's been gone about ten minutes now.
JAMIE: No, he said half a hour. Now, we'll do what he said.
SAMANTHA: Hey, he is a right weirdy, isn't he?
JAMIE: No! I wish I had his brains.
SAMANTHA: You're all right as you are.
(...and she moves a little closer on the bench. JAMIE looks a little alarmed. An efficient-looking young woman marches up to the kiosk, unlocks the door and takes down the shutters. She goes inside and switches on the lights.)
TANNOY: Chameleon Youth Tours announce the departure of their flight Number Four-One-Three to Zurich. Will all passengers please assemble in the departure lounge. Chameleon Youth Tours ann...
SAMANTHA: Hey, look, they've opened up that kiosk now.
JAMIE: Aye, and where's Polly?
TANNOY: ...Will all passengers please assemble in the departure lounge.
[SCENE_BREAK]
23. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR, INNER OFFICE
(The DOCTOR has reached the Chameleon Tours hangar undetected and is busily searching the apparently deserted office. He finds nothing at all suspicious - until he glances at the desk and spots the metallic pen-like device with which BEN's assailant had frozen him. The DOCTOR reaches out and picks it up, examining it thoughtfully. He sits at the desk where BEN had been sitting when he was frozen. He glanced over his shoulder in the direction BEN's attacker had appeared from and found himself staring at a section of office wall covered by bookcases. The DOCTOR studies the wall for a moment.)
DOCTOR: Packing cases!
(He hurries out into the hangar.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24. CHAMELEON TOURS' KIOSK
(By now a sizeable crowd of teenagers has assembled round the Chameleon Tours kiosk. ANN DAVIDSON, the young lady behind the desk speaks to them and starts passing out stamped postcards and ballpoint pens.)
ANN DAVIDSON: I'm quite sure the first thing you want to do when you get to Switzerland is write home to your parents... (Mock groans from her audience.) But in case you don't have time, Chameleon Tours have some postcards of Zurich ready for you to write here. When you've finished your postcards, give them back to me and we'll post them for you in Zurich.
(With a bit of good humoured muttering and grumbling the teenagers begins writing their cards. One of them comes to sit on the bench next to SAMANTHA and JAMIE. Before he can start writing, SAMANTHA leans forwards.)
SAMANTHA: Eh, do you mind?
PASSENGER: No, go ahead.
(She plucks the card from his fingers and shows it to JAMIE.)
SAMANTHA: Look! A postcard of Zurich, stamped with a Swiss stamp, all ready to post.
(She hands the postcard back with a dazzling smile.)
JAMIE: Well?
(SAMANTHA jabs him in the ribs.)
SAMANTHA: Oh, you're a right one, aren't you. Don't you see. This could explain the card I got from Brian. It was posted in Rome, but that doesn't mean to say that he posted it!
(JAMIE stands up.)
JAMIE: Oh I see. We'd better tell the Doctor about this! Er, how long's he been gone?
SAMANTHA: Err, about half a hour, now.
JAMIE: Right, I'll go and find him.
(SAMANTHA jumps up too.)
SAMANTHA: I'll come with you.
(They start to move away, but suddenly a burly man with a heavy moustache is blocking their way. He is looking at JAMIE.)
CROSSLAND: Just a minute, son. I want a word with you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
25. CHAMELEON TOURS' HANGAR
(Using a screwdriver as an improvised wrench, the DOCTOR is struggling to get the lid off one of the packing cases, unaware that his activities are being watched on a monitor by SPENCER in the secret room. He gets the lid off the case at last and finds himself looking at a body covered in a sheet. He pulls the sheet from the face and examines the features of a middle-aged man, who looks vaguely familiar. (It is, in fact, MEADOWS, whom the DOCTOR glimpsed briefly in Air Traffic Control.) Suddenly the DOCTOR hears a voice - a blurred distorted voice that sounds very like BEN.)
VOICE: (OOV.) Somebody, help me... please... I'm suffocating...
(The DOCTOR moves cautiously back towards the inner office. He moves into the office and the voice comes again.)
VOICE: (OOV.) Quickly, somebody help me please... I'm suffocating... Help me, please!
(The DOCTOR looks round puzzled. He heard the voice quite loudly, but there is no one there. Suddenly he spots a panel sliding shut, high in the wall. A panel that had covered a loudspeaker. As the panel shuts, another one slides open, revealing a nozzle. White vapour begins hissing from the nozzle, and the DOCTOR whirls round and dashes for the door. But it is already shutting in his face. He shoves at it, but it is locked fast. The DOCTOR turns back to the nozzle. Curious to the last, he holds out his hand to test the vapour. It is icy cold. As the DOCTOR snatches back his hand the room is already starting to spin around him. Shuddering convulsively, the DOCTOR slides to the ground...) | Plan: A: Polly; Q: Who has apparently forgotten the Doctor, Ben and Jamie? A: Chameleon Tours; Q: What company do the Doctor, Ben and Jamie investigate? Summary: With Polly having apparently forgotten them, the Doctor, Ben and Jamie decide to carry out their own investigation of Chameleon Tours. |
Scene 1: Godric's Party - Luke, Jason, Sookie, Bill, Eric, Godric, Isabel, humans
Luke: Stay away from me, Stackhouse. Got nothing to say to you.
Jason: Man, what the hell you...?
Luke: Just go. (He speaks loud) Excuse me, everyone. If I could have your attention please.
Outside the house: Bill and Lorena
Bill: It doesn't matter if we ever meet again. You may be immortal, Lorena, but you are dead to me.
Lorena: I wish you hadn't said that.
She leaves.
Back in the house:
Luke: I have a message for you all from Reverend Steve Newlin.
He opens his jacket; there's a bomb and chains around him. He presses on the button.
Bill runs in the house.
Bill: Sookie? Sookie?
Sookie is on the floor, Eric on her.
Sookie: Bill.
Eric: I've covered her, she's only stunned. Get the humans.
Two humans try to escape. They run through their car.
Man 1: Get in, get in. Come on. Let's go. Go! Go. Come on. Get in. Come on. Go. Go. Go.
Bill appears and pushes the first human.
Man 2: We didn't think he'd really do it.
Bill: Too late.
Bill bites him.
Credit
In the house:
Isabel removes something from the leg of a man.
Isabel: Ugh.
Sookie (to Eric): I can't breathe, you weigh a ton. Jason? Jason?
Sookie pushes Eric away from her. Jason is alive.
Jason: Yeah, okay.
Sookie (looking at Eric): Uh-oh.
Eric: Had to shield you.
Sookie: Well, hurry and heal yourself, what are you waiting for.
Eric: Can't. Silver.
Sookie: I'll go get Godric.
Eric: No time. Suck it out.
Sookie: Eric, I can't, it's too gross and it's you.
Eric: I... Dying...
Sookie: Oh, son of a mother. (She removes a silver from his neck) Got it.
Eric: The other one.
Sookie: You're kidding me. Ugh. (She removes another one)
Man 2: Oh, God, oh, God.
Bill: You tell the cowards who lead you, the cowards who send children to do their killing, that a vampire showed mercy where they had none.
The man leaves.
In the house:
Jason: Luke.
Godric: Who's dead?
Isabel: Stan, Paolo, Catherine, two human companions.
Someone: Well, it looks like it wasn't a very good bomb.
Bill arrives and sees Sookie drinking from Eric.
Bill: What are you doing?
Sookie: I sucked silver out Eric's chest and saved his life, even though I really didn't want to.
Eric: She was superb.
Bill: Eric was in no danger.
Sookie: He... what?
Eric: A tiny falsehood.
Bill: He was already healing. The bullets would have pushed themselves out. This way, he's forced you to drink his blood.
Sookie: No. No, no.
Bill: You're connected. He'll be able to sense your emotions.
Sookie (to Eric): You big lying A-hole.
Eric: Bill, you're right, I believe I can sense her emotions. Sweet.
Sookie: I'll never do anything for you again. Monster.
Bill: It's not your fault.
Eric: I think I'm gonna cry.
Isabel (loud): Everyone, please.
Jason: Hey. Y'all listen up.
Godric: They may come back. Go to the Hotel Carmilla, they've been alerted, security is in place.
Someone: Help me.
They all begin to leave.
Someone: Almost there...
Scene 2: Hotel Carmilla - Sookie, Bill
Sookie: I could kick myself. I'm so stupid, I wasn't thinking.
Bill: He did take bullets for you. At least we both came out alive.
Sookie: I know better than to believe one word out of that man's mouth. I sucked his chest. What is wrong with me?
Bill: Eric has had a thousand years practicing deceit. He lied to prove his power to me. He counted on your goodness, there's no shame in that.
Sookie: But his blood, Bill. I tried to spit it all out, really, but some of it must have gone down.
Bill: It only takes a drop or two.
Sookie: He'll always know where I am and how I feel, always. That's the worst of all.
Bill: No, not the worst.
Sookie: What do you mean?
Bill: Don't be surprised if you feel some attraction to him. Sexual.
Sookie: To Eric? That's impossible, I I can't stand him.
Bill: It is possible. It's another consequence of the blood. It would have happened sooner or later. He was determined to form this bond with you.
Sookie: I could kill him.
Bill: I concur.
Scene 3: Bill's house - Jessica, Hoyt
Jessica: Maybe I'll get used to it. Or maybe there's an operation. I can't be the only vampire virgin.
Hoyt: You know, intercourse isn't the only way to have s*x.
Jessica: Hmm, but I want to have intercourse.
Hoyt: Well, sure. We could do everything, when we figure out how.
Jessica: You should break up with me.
Hoyt: Hell, no. That thing that grows back, it's just a thing. I ain't perfect either. I'm a guy that people laugh at. Even my friends, but you never have. I don't ever wanna hear you talk about breaking up.
Jessica: I won't, I promise.
Hoyt: In fact, you mean so much to me, I want you to meet my mama.
Jessica: You mean it? Oh, Hoyt.
Hoyt: Yeah.
Jessica: Hoyt, nobody ever wants me to meet anybody.
Hoyt: No, don't get too excited. Look, she hates vampires and she's gonna as you all kind of personal questions or she may not talk to you at all, which then you'd be lucky.
Jessica: Well, I don't care what she does. You're introducing me to your family, I never even hoped for that.
Hoyt: I'm proud that you're my girl. Whoa.
Jessica: Ohh, the sun's coming up. I guess it's time for that damn cubby hole.
Hoyt: I'll go in with you.
Jessica: No, please, its'... it's not very comfortable.
Hoyt: I'll have to build us a tricked-out doublewide.
Jessica: That is so romantic.
Hoyt: But, ah, for now, I'll sit right here till you fall asleep.
Jessica: You are the sweetest boy in the world. And you're too good to me.
Hoyt: There ain't no such thing.
Jessica: Good night.
Hoyt: Good night. I'll sing to you so you know I'm... I'm right here.
She leaves in her hole.
Hoyt (singing): My sweet vampire
Scene 4: Sookie's house - Tara, Eggs, Maryann
Maryann: Oh, my goodness, how much did you drink this time?
Tara: Nothing, as far as I recall.
Eggs: same for me.
Maryann: You must have dropped a little acid, it was floating around. Hippies.
Eggs: That's not funny.
Tara: It's embarrassing, is what it is.
Maryann: I will never understand that. Why be embarrassed about pleasure and laughter? Why be ashamed of letting go?
Tara: Because I've never been this out of control.
Maryann: Ugh. Control. Control is just a cage this stupid culture uses to lock up who we really are. We need to be out of control. We crave it.
Tara: But there's gotta be some kind of control or things would be chaos.
Maryann: Sounds good.
Eggs: I... I do like a little chaos.
Maryann: Of course you do. Everybody does. They just can't admit it.
Tara: I don't wanna be blacking out.
Maryann: Is that what you think it is? Because I have a little theory about blacking out. Maybe you rose to a higher state of consciousness.
Tara: We're all bashed up. There's nothing higher about that except for we must have been high. My mama blacked out for months at a time, I'm a blackout expert.
Maryann: Are you?
Tara: Certified.
Maryann: What about the saints of India? What about the mystics of every religion?
Eggs: What about them?
Maryann: They would black out. Run and dance through the streets, levitate, act like monkeys, run around naked. Everybody thought they were crazy.
Tara: They were crazy.
Maryann: No, Tara. They were ecstatic. All that fake civilization bullshit just fell away so they could dissolve into the infinite, so they could lose themselves and unite with their god.
Tara: Oh.
Maryann: Look at you. A few bumps and bruises. That's a small price to pay for bliss. Bloody Mary, anyone?
Scene 5: The police station (in prison) - Sam, Mike Spencer, Bud, Jane Bodehouse
Mike: Come on now, Bud. Cut us loose.
Jane: All I did was loose my pants, there's no law against that.
Bud: I only got your word for it I was mating with a pine tree.
Jane: None of us did anything. Let us out of here.
Sam: You got no evidence, Bud. You got no right to keep me locked up.
Scene 6: Hotel Carmilla - Sookie, Jason, Steve, Sarah, Nan Flanagan
Bill is sleeping. Sookie is in her bed. She goes to Jason's room.
Jason: Oh.
Sookie: I can't sleep.
Jason: Join the club. (They are on the bed) Well, they made me think I was worth something.
Sookie: You were a star in Bon Temps. I was the throwaway. Everybody always thought you hung the moon.
Jason: No, that ain't true. Well, they like my athletics and my good looks, my s*x abilities, but they don't like me for me. And Steve and Sarah, well, they acted like they did, before they tried to kill me. They stopped my mind from going around and around thinking about... well, other stuff.
Sookie: What other stuff? But Soldiers of the Sun? My Lord. Didn't you for one second think what Gran would say? Guns and suicide bombers...
Jason: Don't... don't talk about Gran. I won't talk about her. I can't.
Sookie: Why?
Jason: Because I don't... because I don't wanna feel anything.
Sookie: But we have to talk about her. We can't stop remembering her or loving her because it hurts too much. She'd never stop loving us, would she?
Jason: No.
Sookie: We'll keep her alive in our hearts and our prayers and that's the way it's gotta be.
Jason: And Mama and Daddy.
Sookie: That's right. Mama and Daddy and Gran.
Jason: Our hole family's gone, Sook. Everybody who counts. We're all alone. We're all that's left.
Sookie: So you know that we gotta do? We gotta grow up, we gotta stick together and we gotta be good to each other or we're letting them down.
Jason: Yeah. Hey. So, Sook, I'm sorry about, ah, everything I ever done to you. I'm a dumbass fuck-up.
Sookie: Yeah, but you wouldn't be if you used your brain instead if just letting it take up space in your skull. That's not dumb, that's lazy.
Jason: You think so? Well, i... I could try, I guess.
Sookie: I'm sorry too. I always live you, Jason, even when I wanna stick your head in a bucket and kick it around the yard.
Jason: And I love you, even though I wish you'd cook for me more and you were normal with a normal boyfriend.
Sookie: I didn't have any say about being normal. We were born the way we are. Huh.
Jason: Ahh. I'm all wore out now.
Sookie: Me too.
Sookie turns on the tv. There's an emission with Steve and Sarah
Steve: May his holy light Shine upon you...
Jason: Can you believe, they're on already.
Nan: You kidnapped a prominent member of our community.
Sarah: He volunteered.
Sookie: Did he?
Jason: I don't even know he was there.
Steve: ... that's no crime.
Sarah: He came to us.
Nan: Because everybody wants to be burned at the stake. You use your texe-exempt religious institution as an anti-vampire terrorist enclave.
Steve: The Constitution gives us the right to defend ourselves.
Nan: You attacked us.
Steve: You murdered my father.
Nan: That's an allegation. This is a fact - you and your church armed a suicide bomber that killed vampires and humans.
Sarah: We are fighting for God's green earth and daytime and Christmas and Easter eggs and all that's sacred and good. We are fighting for...
Steve: Human rights. Human rights.
Sarah: May I finish my thought?
Steve: What, you were done.
Sarah: If he's not the center of attention, he just flips out.
Sookie: They are cuckoo.
Nan: How can you have a dialogue with these people?
Steve: You need to read some Saint Paul, missy.
Sarah: I hate your hair.
Jason: There's a witch and a son of a bitch. f*ck you, Newlins.
Sookie: Yeah.
Scene 7: Merlotte's - Arlene, Clients, Lafayette, Terry, Eggs, Tara
Client 1: Now can we see the freezer?
Arlene: Why?
Client 1: Where they found that woman with her heart cut out.
Arlene: It was the walk-in refrigeretor and you are one sick buzzard. Go find some roadkill, because you ain't eating here.
Arlene takes the plates of the clients back.
Arlene: Ah. What do you want?
Client 2: A knife, a fork and a spoon, if that's not too much trouble.
Arlene: They're in the back, go get them yourself. I could use some help out here. (She picks up the phone) Merlotte's, hurry up. Lisa, lunch is your job, you got a microwave, that's all you need. Oh, come on, Coby'll eat cat food if you put mayo on it. Mama's gotta work. (She hungs up. Lafayette arrives) Whoo, I'll tell you what, I am sh1t scared. Daphne, oh, my God. She was clumsy, stupid and mean, but I wouldn't wich that kind of death on a possum. Plus that poor soul out in the parking lot?
Lafayette: Yeah.
Arlene: What if there's a curse flying around out there?
Lafayette: I'll look out for you if you look out for me.
Arlene: When's it gonna stop?
Terry: Order up. I think.
Arlene goes to take them.
Arlene: Terry. Terry, please quit being so much more peculiar than you usually are. Please talk to me. I mean, if what we did was so terrible...
Terry: No, no, Arlene, don't cry. I didn't mean to be peculiar at you. I just don't know what we did.
Arlene: Well, we had s*x. Didn't we?
Terry: Did we?
Arlene: Y-You can't remember?
Terry: Don't take this the wrong way but nope.
Arlene: Oh. Oh, baby, me neither. I mean, not for sure.
Terry: Is that good?
Arlene: Oh, I don't know and I don't care as long as you're not mad at me.
Terry: Well, to tell you the truth, I can't remember the last time I had s*x with anybody.
Arlene: Oh. Gimme some sugar?
Client 3 shouting: Where's my corn? Come on now, the wait's forever.
Arlene (To Terry): Okay. See you later.
Client 3: I want my damn corn.
Eggs and Tara come in the Merlotte's.
Eggs: I got it.
Tara: Oh. (To Lafayette) I know, I'm late.
Eggs: Lafayette.
Tara (to Eggs): Go ahead, order lunch on me.
Eggs: All right, baby.
Lafayette comes through them and touches Tara's face.
Tara: Stop.
Lafayette: What the f*ck is this?
Tara: He didn't do it. I don't know what happened.
Lafayette: What you mean you don't know what the f*ck happened? Don't gimme that bullshit. What did you do to her?
Eggs: Don't accuse me. I don't hurt women.
Tara: It was an accident.
Lafayette: You put your f*cking hands on my cousin? I'm gonna show you how it feels to get your ass beat.
Eggs: You might take those eyelashes out first.
Tara: Lafayette stop.
Lafayette: You been kicked and punched your whole life then you go and het this m*therf*cker. He's poison. He ain't never gonna change. And he may wind up killing you.
Eggs: f*ck that, you m*therf*cker...
Tara: Enough. Stop.
Lafayette: I ought to beat your...
Eggs: Please do so.
Tara: Let's go.
Eggs: Do it!
Tara: Eggs, enough!
Tara and Eggs leave.
Client 4: Way to go, son.
Lafayette: What the f*ck you all looking at, you ugly0ass necks. Huh?
Scene 8: The Fortenberry's house - Maxine, Hoyt
Maxine: My Hoyt would never run off to Dallas without a word with murders all over the place. My Hoyt would never have left me worried sick thinking he was dead. Or worse.
Hoyt: With a vampire. Go ahead, speak your mind.
Maxine: See what I mean? All of a sudden, you're a different person.
Hoyt: Well, I sure do wanna be.
Maxine: What do you think your daddy would say?
Hoyt: I don't have any idea, because the only time that you ever mention him is when you're trying to make me do something that I don't wanna do. So while we're at it, let's talk about that.
Maxine: I want my sweet child back. I haven't done anything to deserve this. What are your doing with vampires anyway? They are wrong, wrong, wrong. They are devils.
Hoyt: Why do you have so much hate in you?
Maxine: I don't.
Hoyt: That's a flat lie.
Maxine: Who do you think you're talking to?
Hoyt: My mama. Who hates Methodists.
Maxine: I got my reasons.
Hoyt: And Catholics.
Maxine: Just priests and nuns.
Hoyt: African-Americans.
Maxine: Hush, that's a secret.
Hoyt: People who don't tale care of their gardens. People who park their trucks up on their lawn. And ladies who wear red shoes.
Maxine: It looks cheap.
Hoyt: Families with lots of kids. And checkered curtains and cats and dogs, and bait, every girl that I ever liked. And the more that I like them, the more that you hate them.
Maxine: I simply object to a girlfriend who will kill you and eat you. I think that's reasonable.
Hoyt: You don't even know her. Full of hate. I see you now.
Maxine: Well, it's not my fault, it's the way I was raised up.
Hoyt: Jessica may be a vampire, but she is the one for me. And you don't have any say over that.
Maxine: You are breaking my heart.
Hoyt: You know, I've let your run me around because I didn't wanna hurt your feelings, but those days are over. Now, I want you to meet her, but if you can't be nice, then I will leave this house and never come back. And don't think that I won't.
Maxine: Hoyt, please, you're my one son.
Hoyt: I'm not yours, Mama, I'm mine.
Maxine: You're my baby boy.
Hoyt: I'm not a baby, I'm a grown-ass man.
He leaves the house.
Scene 9: Hotel Carmilla - Bill, Sookie, Eric, Lorena
Sookie and Bill are sleeping in their bed. Sookie turns. A hand caresses her arm. When she turns back, she sees Eric.
Eric: Finish your sentence.
Sookie: What was I saying?
Eric: You were telling me why you'd be a terrible vampire and I was disagreeing.
Sookie: Well, I don't feel right without a tan. It's true. And I'd rather be alive than undead and then y'all are always killing.
Eric: You've killed a man.
Sookie: But that was for self-defense, not for lunch.
Eric: Oh, you'd adapt, like we all do. Trade the sun for moon and stars.
Sookie: Uh-uh. Not me. I want them all.
Eric: Oh, greedy.
Sookie: Yeah, I am.
Eric: I love it. You have the right temperament for a vampire.
Sookie: What, I'm high-maintenance, bloodthirsty and old as dirt?
Eric: Ah, bloodthirsty, yes.
Sookie: I am not.
Eric: Everybody thinks you're a darling, don't they.
Sookie: I am a darling.
Eric: Yeah, but you're ruthless when it comes to people you love. You'll do anything for them. Your brother, your friends. Me.
Lorena: Bill.
Sookie: Bill? Where is Bill?
Lorena is on a chair.
Lorena: What do you care? You've already abandoned him.
Sookie: I have not. I love Bill.
Eric: I used to think you had no sense of humor.
Sookie: I used to think you were made of cold hard stone, and empty inside.
Eric: And now?
Sookie: You're a big faker. You're deep. You feel. There's love in you.
Eric: Only for Sookie.
They kiss.
Lorena: You don't want Bill. He means nothing to you.
Sookie: No.
Eric: This is just the beginning.
Sookie: Ahh.
Sookie wakes up; it was just a dream.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene 10: Police station - Maryann, Bud, People, Jane, Mike
Maryann is coming to the police station. A woman sees her.
Woman: Hey, there she is. She's come to get us out.
Man: That she is.
Maryann: Hey. We had a good time, didn't we?
Woman: Oh, yeah, we did.
Maryann: Hello. Sheriff Dearborne?
In jail:
Bud: None of y'all is going anywhere till you simmer down. Don't make me tell you again.
Maryann's voice: Sherrif Bud Dearborne?
Mike: Is that Maryann? Maryann! Hey, the party's back here. Sure is.
Bud: Sit down and shut up.
Mike: Come on, Bud. It sinks in here.
Jane: Now, Bud, come on.
Mike: Come on, Bud.
Bud is in the entrance with Maryann.
Bud: There's coffee if you want.
Maryann: Sheriff, you look exhausted. What's going on around here?
Bud: Hell if I know. Seems every person in Bon Temps is getting arrested, but they don't know what they done. Kenya's out in the wagon collecting some more. We been up all night.
Maryann: A major crime wave.
Bud: Misdemeanors, crazy things I never say in over 40 years.
Maryann: Ah, misdemeanors, that's not so bad. Maybe you could let a few of them go, save yourself the work..
Bud: I'm about ready to, but they're all riled up, might still do some damage.
Maryann: Hmm. Let me help, I'll talk them down. It's my best thing.
Bud: I'd be grateful, can't hardly keep my eyes open. Oh. Now, what can I do for you?
Maryann: I heard Sam Merlotte is here, I couldn't believe it. A fine upstanding businessman. I have a lot of respect for him and I'd like to help him out.
Bud: Well, I'm not prepared to let him go, he's a suspect in a homicide.
Maryann: That can't be.
Bud: But I'll show you where he's at.
Maryann: I- I know the way. Sit. Have a little rest. There.
Maryann makes something on Bud and he has black eyes.
Maryann: Oh, that went fast. Stay.
She takes the keys and goes in jail.
Jane: Can we come over to your house and play?
Maryann: I want Sam Merlotte.
Mike: He's right there.
Sam's jail is empty. There's only his clothes.
Maryann: Now I am really irritated.
She opens the other jail's doors.
Someone: Free.
Scene 11: Merlotte's - Maxine, Hoyt, Jessica
Jessica: I never thought you'd be so pretty, Ms. Fortenberry. And I can't tell you how grateful I am that you came.
Hoyt: Even if you were 20 minutes late.
Maxine: I couldn't decide what to wear.
Jessica: Yeah, I know what that's like. Sure. You try this on, or try that on. You know, is it the black shoes or the red shoes or the...
Maxine: Then there were people in the road. They wouldn't budge till I practically ran over them. I could have been killed.
Jessica: Well, them, too, huh.
Hoyt: Let's get you some dinner, Mama.
Maxine: I'm not hungry.
Hoyt: You want some more sweet tea?
Maxine: I'm not thirsty. Hoyt is a very, very, very good boy. Mostly.
Jessica: You don't need to tell me that.
Hoyt: You're as good as I am. Better.
Jessica: No. No, you are.
Hoyt: Uh-uh.
Jessica: You are.
Maxine: I surely wish I could meet your people, see what your family's like.
Hoyt: Mama.
Jessica: Somebody made me a vampire against my will, Ms Fortenberry. I don't have a family anymore, except your wonderful son.
Maxine: I'm sorry for you. That wasn't fair. But Hoyt has a bright future ahead of him. And by bright, I mean in the sun. if you think I'm gonna let him wander around all hours of the night for the rest of his life with an orphan vampire, you got another think coming.
Hoyt: Oh.
Jessica: I believe that's up to Hoyt.
Hoyt: Y'all don't.
Maxine: Well, I will fight for what's best for my boy.
Hoyt: So will i. and I can give him everything that a human could.
Maxine: Not hardly.
Jessica: Like what?
Maxine: Babies.
Hoyt: Oh.
Jessica cries. She leaves.
Hoyt: Jessica. (to his mom) Well, now you did it. You happy?
Maxine: You'll thank me one day.
Hoyt: Not today.
Maxine: When are you coming home?
Hoyt: Never.
Jessica and Hoyt leave.
Maxine: I gonna need another one of these.
Scene 12: Sookie's house - Tara, Eggs, Maryann, Lafayette, Letti Mae
Tara: All right, let's do this motherfuck. Ha. You can't do that.
Eggs: That's against the rules. Come on.
Maryann: Hey, we play by my rules, that means no rules.
Tara: Okay, then.
Maryann: Uh-oh. Yes. Come in, it's open. Deal. Deal.
Eggs: Deal what? Whatever.
Lafayette and Letti Mae come in.
Tara: Well, lookie here. Aliens.
Maryann: Oh, who's that?
Tara/Lafayette: Lafayette.
Maryann: Ooh, Lafayette. Ms. Thornton, welcome, join us.
Lafayette: No, we good.
Letti Mae: We're taking my daughter away from you.
Tara: Is that right?
Lafayette: Yeah, that's right.
Letti Mae: Tara, listen to me this one time for your own good.
Maryann: Don't be ridiculous, take a load off, we're in the middle of a game.
Eggs: Yeah, strip poker.
Tara: Strip poker.
Maryann: Ms. Thornton, what's your drink?
Tara: Vodka. Whiskey. Hairspray. Antifreeze.
Eggs: Damn,
Lafayette: What the f*ck is wrong with you Tara? Is you even in there?
Maryann: All yours. Look, the bottle's sweating. Icy cold, thick, pours like oil.
Lafayette: I don't know what you is, but I'm feeling you and you is a soulless bitch.
Maryann: Ouch. That almost hurt.
Tara: Oh.
Letti Mae: I am clean and sober, as you well know. I'll never take nothing from you except my girl.
Lafayette: Tara, let's go.
Tara: f*ck off.
Eggs: She's my girlfriend, why don't you talk to me?
Letti Mae: Tara Mae.
Lafayette: Because you ain't a boyfriend, you're a domestically violent sick m*therf*cker. Now, Tara, get up, I't playing. Let's go.
Eggs: She's not going anywhere.
Lafayette: Oh, she's not?
Letti Mae: Please, I'm begging you, don't let them do you this like this. We'll keep you safe.
Tara has back eyes.
Tara: Well, it would be the first f*cking time.
Letti Mae: Your eyes. What'd you do to her?
Lafayette: Jesus Christ.
Tara: Throw a bible at me now.
Egg's eyes become black.
Letti Mae: Stop, Tara!
Tara: Pull my hair, scratch my face, break my head with a bottle. Hit me back.
Letti Mae: I won't hit you back. Go ahead and kill me, I'll never strike you again.
Letti Mae and Tara are fighting and Lafayette and Eggs are too.
Tara (to Lafayette): Leave him alone.
Lafayette caries Tara.
Eggs: No.
Tara: No.
Lafayette, Letti Mae and Tara are outside.
Letti Mae (t0 Lafayette): Move, move. Hurry up.
Eggs: Tara!
Maryann: Don't bother. Go on, run, you fools.
Lafayette (to Letti Mae who's driving): Go. Go. Go.
Maryann: She'll come back and she'll bring them with her. Come on.
Scene 13: Hotel Carmilla - Nan, Godric, Eric, Bill, Sookie, Isabel
Nan: Do you have any f*cking idea of the PR mess you've made? And who f*cking has to clean that sh1t up? Me. Not you, me. I should drain every one of you bastards.
Eric: Stan went after the church on his own. None of us knew anything about it.
Nan: Oh, really. Because everyone who met Stan in the last 300 years knew he had a kink about slaughtering humans. But you, his nest mates, his sheriff, had no clue.
Isabel: And how were we supposed to know that this time he meant it?
Nan: Not my problem. (to Godric) Yours.
Eric: Don't talk to him that way.
Nan: Don't talk to me that way. Let's get to the point. How did they manage to abduct you?
Godric: They would have taken one of us sooner or later. I offered myself.
Nan: Why?
Godric: Why not?
Nan: They wanted you to meet the sun and you were willing?
Godric: What do you think?
Nan: I think you're out of your mind. And then I hear about a traitor.
Godric: Irrelevant. Only a rumor, I'll take full responsibility.
Nan: You bet you will.
Eric: You cold bitch.
Nan: Listen, this is a national vampire disaster and nobody at the top has any sympathy for any of you. Sheriff, you f*cked up. You're fired.
Godric: I agree. Of course, Isabel should take over. She had no part in my disgrace.
Isabel: Godric, fight back.
Eric: What are you saying? She's a bureaucrat, you don't have to take sh1t from her.
Nan: You wanna lose your area, Viking?
Eric: You don't have that kind of power.
Nan: hey, I'm on TV. Try me.
Isabel: I'm to blame. I should have contained Stan the second Godric went missing.
Godric: Isabel. I remove myself from all positions of authority.
Nan: Works for me.
Bill: Sookie, Sookie.
Sookie: I owe him. Ms Flanagan, Godric rescued me from a really large rapist who probably would've killed me too.
Nan: That's nice.
Sookie: No, listen...
Nan: Moving on.
Sookie: And then he rescued humans in that church plus a whole lot of vampires. You think it's a PR mess now, it could have been a hundred, a million times worse. You should thank him.
Nan: For getting kidnapped? For attracting a suicide bomber? For piss-poor judgment? I think not.
Eric is up. Isabel stops him.
Isabel: Don't.
Godric: Eric, it doesn't matter.
Nan: Tell me about the bombing, please. Every single detail.
Godric: A boy walked in the lair. I thought he was someone's human companion.
Scene 14: Merlotte's - Maxine, Maryann, Arlene, Terry
Maxine: I sacrificed everything for that child without a thought for myself. He doesn't notice. He doesn't care. He isn't grateful. He's running wild now, he's headed straight for hell.
Maryann comes in the bar.
Maryann: The God Who Comes demands his sacrifice. Where is Sam Merlotte?
Arlene (her eyes are black): he ain't been here all day.
Maryann: Well, find him and bring him to me.
They all have black eyes.
Terry: A while back he was planning to leave.
Maryann: Bring him to me.
Scene 15: Andy's hotel room - Andy, Sam
TV: ... watch him, grab him, oh, he almost got you, Mike. He almost got you.
I mean, come on. It's the 21st century. There's gotta be a way... crap. That is one nutty ostrich. Hey, come on, Mike, come on, now, grab his hand...
Andy goes to open the door. It's Sam; he's naked.
Sam: I heard you were here.
Scene 16: Hotel Carmilla - Nan, Godric, Eric, Bill, Sookie, Isabel
Nan: What a f*cking fiasco. You're lucky I don't send you all to the Magister. Godric, come to my suite to fill out the forms.
Godric: Soon. First I have something to say. I'm sorry. I apologize for all the harm I've caused, for all our lost ones, human and vampire. I will make amends, I swear it.
Nan: Take it easy, it's just a few signatures.
Nan and two other vampires leave.
Eric: No.
Godric: Look in my heart.
Eric: You have to listen to me.
Godric: There's nothing to say.
Eric: There is.
Godric: On the roof.
Godric leaves.
Bill: We have a score to settle.
Eric: Not now.
Bill: Yes, now.
Bill punches him.
Bill: have I made my point?
Eric: It's done. I'm part of her now. Get out of the way.
Eric leaves.
Sookie: I'm going to find Godric.
Bill: None of this has anything to do with us. Godric is not your concern.
Sookie: If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be standing here. He's in pain, he's suffering. I gotta do something.
Bill: Don't you think we've done enough for Dallas.
Sookie: You of all people should understand how he feels. What if it were you, Bill? What if in 1800 years, you were Godric?
Bill: All right, but I'm coming with you.
Sookie: I wish you could, but it'll be dawn in a little while.
Bill: If we don't stay long, I'll heal.
Sookie: I will not let you take that chance. With Godric there, you don't have to worry about me.
Bill: You are so tender-hearted, you feel obligated, I can see that. But, Sookie, in all honesty, what can you do for him?
Sookie: I don't know. I just gotta be there. It doesn't make sense but you understand?
Bill: I do.
On the roof:
Godric: Two thousand years is enough.
Eric: I can't accept this, it's insanity.
Godric: Our existence is insanity. We don't belong here.
Eric: But we are here.
Godric: It's not right. We're not right.
Eric: You thought me there is no right or wrong, only survival or death.
Godric: I told a lie, as it turns out.
Eric: I will keep you alive by force.
Godric: Even if you could, why would you be so cruel?
Eric (in a foreign language): Godric, don't do it.
Godric (in the same language): There are centuries of faith and love between us.
Eric (in this language, crying): Please. Please. Please. Godric.
Godric: Father. Brother. Son. Let me go.
Eric: I won't let you die alone.
Godric: Yes, you will. As your Maker I command you.
Sookie (to Eric): I'll stay with him. As long as it takes.
Eric leaves.
Godric: It won't take long. Not at my age.
Sookie: You know, it wasn't very smart. The Fellowship oh the Sun part.
Godric: I know. I thought it might fix everything somehow. But I don't think like a vampire any more. Do you believe in God?
Sookie: Yes.
Godric: If you're right, how will he punish me?
Sookie: God doesn't punish, God forgives.
Godric: I don't deserve it. But I hope for it.
Sookie: We all do.
Godric: You'll care for him? Eric.
Sookie: I'm not sure, you know how he is.
Godric: I can take the blame for that too.
Sookie: Maybe not. Eric's pretty much himself. Are you very afraid?
Godric: No. No, I'm full of joy.
Sookie: But the pain...
Godric: I want to burn.
Sookie: Well, I'm afraid for you.
Godric: A human with me at the end, and human tears. Two thousand years, and I can still be surprised. In this, I see God.
Sookie: Goodbye, Godric.
Godric burns. He's gone. | Plan: A: Eric; Q: Who does Sookie dream of? A: the explosion; Q: What event caused Eric to be wounded? A: Sookie; Q: Who tells Bill she must go and help Godric? A: silver; Q: What does Eric have in his body that he can't remove? A: the bullets; Q: What does Sookie suck out of Eric's body? A: Bill; Q: Who tells Sookie that Eric will be able to sense her? A: Bon Temps; Q: Where does Hoyt tell Jessica he wants her to meet his mother? A: Maryann; Q: Who tells Tara and Eggs that they need to lose control to be closer to their god? A: the importance; Q: What does Maryann tell Tara and Eggs about losing control? A: chaos; Q: What does Maryann tell Tara and Eggs they need to lose control of to be closer to their god? A: Dallas; Q: Where does Nan Flanagan fire Godric? A: Jason's room; Q: Where does Sookie go to find the Reverend Newlin and his wife? A: the Reverend Newlin; Q: Who is on television with Nan Flanagan? A: Nan Flanagan; Q: Who fires Godric from his Sheriff position? A: the AVL; Q: What group is Nan Flanagan the leader of? A: The Newlins; Q: Who reveals that Godric volunteered to be taken by the Fellowship of the Sun? A: their family; Q: What do Sookie and Jason bond over being the only remaining members of? A: A fight ensues; Q: What happens when Lafayette accuses Eggs of causing Tara's bruises? A: Lorena; Q: Who tells Sookie that she no longer cares for Bill? A: Sam; Q: Who is the fly that Maryann is looking for? A: a fly; Q: What does Sam transform into when Maryann arrives at the jail? A: Lettie Mae; Q: Who pleads for Tara to come with her? A: Sookie's house; Q: Where does Sam shift into a fly? A: pleads; Q: How does Eric convince Godric to fight against the bureaucracy? A: Tara eyes; Q: What part of Tara's body turns black when she is attacked by Maryann? A: their actions; Q: What do Eric and the vampires defend to Nan Flanagan? A: his Sheriff position; Q: What position did Nan fire Godric from? A: Nan's demeanor; Q: What does Eric grow irritated with? A: the demotion; Q: What does Godric agree to? A: apologizes; Q: What does Godric do to everyone after being fired? A: a score; Q: What does Bill tell Eric they have to settle? A: the mouth; Q: Where does Bill punch Eric? A: Detective Bellefleur's door; Q: Where does Sam arrive naked? A: Sookie watches; Q: Who watches Godric die? A: Swedish; Q: What language does Eric use to beg Godric not to go? A: tears; Q: What does Sookie cry when Godric dies? Summary: Eric, wounded in the explosion protecting Sookie, convinces her he can't heal himself with silver lodged in his body. Sookie sucks out the bullets, ingesting some of his blood. Bill reveals that Eric will now be able to sense her and she may become attracted to Eric sexually. Back in Bon Temps, Hoyt tells Jessica he wants her to meet his mother. Tara and Eggs awake badly bruised and discuss blacking out again the night before. Maryann tells them the importance of losing control and the necessity for chaos to be closer to their god. Back in Dallas, Sookie heads to Jason's room, where they find the Reverend Newlin and his wife on television bickering with Nan Flanagan (leader of the AVL). The Newlins reveal that Godric volunteered to be taken by the Fellowship of the Sun. Sookie and Jason end up bonding over being the only remaining members of their family. Eggs and Tara go to Merlotte's, and Lafayette accuses Eggs of causing Tara's bruises. A fight ensues between Lafayette and Eggs. Hoyt argues with his mother telling her what a hateful person she is and that she's going to meet Jessica. Sookie begins dreaming of Eric and exchanging sweet conversation while in the background Lorena is saying Sookie no longer cares for Bill. At the end of the dream, Eric whispers, "This is the beginning." Maryann arrives at the jail looking for Sam but he shifts into a fly and escapes. Jessica meets Hoyt's mother, who belittles her causing Hoyt to tell his mother he won't be coming home, ever. Later, Lafayette and Lettie Mae show up at Sookie's house to find Eggs, Tara and Maryann. Lettie Mae pleads for Tara to come with her. Tara eyes turn black and begins attacking her mother. Lafayette quickly grabs Tara, and he and Lettie Mae take her away from Maryann. Sam, as a fly in Sookie's house, witnesses all of this. In Dallas, Eric and the vampires defend their actions to Nan Flanagan who berates Godric and fires him from his Sheriff position. Eric grows irritated with Nan's demeanor and pleads with Godric to fight against the bureaucracy. Godric agrees to the demotion and apologizes to everyone swearing to "make amends". Eric, visibly upset, is approached by Bill stating that "they have a score to settle". Bill punches Eric in the mouth, which Eric shrugs off, and he goes to meet Godric. Sam arrives at Detective Bellefleur's door naked. Sookie tells Bill she must go and help Godric. On the roof as Sookie watches, Eric breaks down and begs Godric not to go first in English, then in Swedish. Godric tells Eric he is ready to go and commands Eric to leave the roof. Sookie promises Eric she will stay with Godric for "as long as it takes". Godric dies while Sookie watches in tears. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Damon's gone. I want you to compel me to forget that I ever loved him. Who is Damon Salvatore? He was a monster. Where the hell are we?
[SCENE_BREAK]
We're never getting out. There's someone else here. To get home, we'll harness the power of the eclipse using a mystical relic. It's called an ascendant. You're doing that thing again. What thing? Oh, the thing where you're a bitch because you like somebody.
Stefan: That's my girlfriend Ivy. Somebody killed her last night right in front of me. Ivy. Your friend Enzo made me drink his blood, and now I'm just so thirsty.
Tripp: Vampires murdered my wife. I gonna get him to name all his vampire buddies.
[ IN SAVANNAH, GA, STEFAN'S HOME ]
(Stefan is lying on his back, asleep as his cellphone buzzes. He opens his eyes, reaches over, grabs it, switches on the lamp and answers the phone.)
Stefan: Hello?
Tripp: Hey, Tripp Cooke. I, ah, just wanted to thank you for turning over that vampire Enzo to me. He's been very helpful. (Tripp emphasized.)
Stefan: Enzo? I-I thought, thought you were supposed to kill him.
Tripp: Oh I will, eventually. Once I know everything he does.
Stefan (moving his lips as if he were to say something else but then thought better of it): So, what has he told you?
Tripp: Sounds like the vampire problem in Mystic Falls isn't as bad as I thought, I mean if he had any names he'd have given them up. (Tripp is sitting in the back of his truck, looking at all these stakes.) Lord knows I've done plenty of things to get him to talk.
Stefan: Well that's um, good to hear.
Tripp: Yeah, seems like it's moved on to Savannah. I've sent some of my guys down there, they're gonna check it out, see what they find.
Stefan (nodding): Thanks for the, uh, heads up.
Tripp: Founding families, gotta stick together.
Stefan: Absolutely.
(He hangs up and looks around, he jumps when he hears rattling downstairs. Sitting his phone down he slowly stands.)
Stefan: Ivy?
(When he reaches downstairs, the house is trashed, chairs broken, glass everywhere.)
Stefan (stepping over the strewn mess): You redecorated.
(He slowly approaches the refrigerator, Ivy is digging inside, she turns to him.)
Ivy: I should probably tell you I killed your boss. (Stefan looks down at this.) Dean? I woke up and he was burying me in the woods, I drank every drop of his blood. It wasn't enough.
Stefan (breathing deeply): Yeah, I know the feeling.
Ivy (stepping forward): Then why aren't you helping me?
Stefan (raising his voice): I'm trying to help you.
Ivy: Two blood bags and a lesson on sunlight? Wow, thanks a million. (She walks back to the fridge.
Stefan: Listen, I have to get you out of Savannah.
Ivy: Hey, I am dead because of you. Because you lied to me about who you were. Because your friend Enzo turned me into something straight out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer!
Stefan: Ivy, calm down, when you are a vampire your emotions are heightened.
Ivy: You think? Look at me, I used to be a decent person, I got good grades, I went home for Christmas, I had a fricking etsy store!
Stefan: Ivy, please.
Ivy: And now, I am a killer. And all I am going to do is kill more, and more, and it's all your fault.
(Her face contorts and she vamps out, veins under her eyes, she speeds forward to attack Stefan but he snaps her neck. Stefan sighs, frustrated.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ AT WHITMORE, THE DORMS ]
(Stefan knocks on Caroline's door, she's alone, in a towel, she opens it for him.)
Caroline: Stefan? Wh-what are you...?
Stefan (pushing past her carrying a black trunk): I need a favor. (He drops it on the floor.)
(Caroline closes the door and holds her towel up.)
Caroline: What are you doing? And what is with this trunk? (She leans down to open it.)
Stefan (closing the curtains): Hang on.
(Caroline was still leaning down when Ivy popped out of the chest, Caroline shrieks.)
Caroline: Oh, my god!
Ivy: Where am I? (Looking at Stefan.) What did you do?
(Stefan makes a face.)
Caroline: Ivy, wha... how did this happen?
Stefan: Uh, Enzo turned her.
(Caroline leans her head to the side.)
Ivy: Then Stefan broke my neck and I woke up in a trunk.
Stefan: Right. So, I need a little bit of help.
Caroline: No, (she looks at Ivy.) No, no, no.
Stefan: Just watch her for a little while, while I get Luke to make her a daylight ring.
(Ivy stands and leaves the trunk.)
Stefan: Show her the ropes, teach her some control.
Caroline: No, no. This is not my mess. (She points at him.) This is your mess.
Stefan: A mess that wouldn't have happened if you had just left me alone.
Ivy (behind caroline): Um, I can hear you, you know? I can hear everything, like, perfectly.
Caroline: Do I need to remind you that there is a vampire hunter lurking around?
Stefan: He's not here. He's in Savannah, which is why we're not.
Ivy (plopping on caroline's bed): You know the real tragedy in all this? I read "he's just not that into you," and...
Stefan and Caroline: Shut up!
Stefan: Look, Tripp Cooke has somehow decided to become the eastern seaboard's self-proclaimed vampire hunter. None of us are safe, if we can't control ourselves. If anybody can teach her, it's you.
Caroline: Yeah? Well, you don't have to flatter me because I already know that.
Stefan: All right? So just a couple of hours, and then you'll never have to deal with me again.
Caroline: Is that what you think I want?
Stefan: I don't know, you tell me.
[Music playing, and they're standing there exchanging glances.]
Caroline: Okay.
(Stefan leaves Caroline and Ivy in the dorm room.)
Ivy: When do we eat?
(Caroline slowly looks at her stupidly.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN WHITMORE, ALARIC'S CLASS ]
(Alaric has written 'HOMECOMING' on the board and he underlines it.)
Alaric: Homecoming, (he reads, turning toward his class-filled room.) All right. By a show of hands, who knows the supernatural origin of tonight's homecoming party? (No one raises their hands, and Elena gives Alaric a small wave and a smile.)
Alaric: A civil war soldier Nathan Whitmore horribly disfigured throughout countless battles somehow survived them all just so he could get home to the woman he loved, and when he finally got home to his farm, he found her in bed with his brother, and did what any sane man would do...He murdered his brother in cold blood and then chased the love of his life out into the cornfields.
Tyler (uninterested, turns to Liv): I got to run some gear over to the football stadium later. If you want, I could pick you up after, and we could go together.
Liv: You mean, like a date?
(Tyler shakes his head, not exactly a yes, but a maybe.)
Liv: Because definitely not.
Alaric: But the legend goes...That lady Whitmore is out on this night every year dressed in white, covered in her lover's blood, running through the cornfields, screaming for her life. (All the students look at each other.) And the moral of the story is? Do not fall in love, especially with your brother's girl. (He cuts a glance at Elena, who rolls her eyes, knowing what he's talking about.) All right, kids. You have a fun night tonight. Be safe.
(All the students close their books and leave, except for Elena, who walks toward Alaric.)
Elena: You know, that cautionary tale would have had more of an impact on me about two weeks ago.
Alaric: Damon may be gone, but I can still find pleasure in judging his life choices. Speaking of which, have you changed your mind about me compelling you to forget about him yet?
Elena: Why do you say, "yet," as if I'm gonna wake up one day and realize that my life is over if I don't have the traumatic memories of loving a serial killer?
Alaric: Had to ask.
Elena: You know, maybe you're right. Maybe I am making a huge mistake, or maybe I got a very valuable piece of advice from myself about how to be happy and I intend on taking it. Am I gonna see you at the party tonight?
Alaric: You know, I'm waiting on the mixer for thirtysomething vampires just back from the dead. Less of a crowd.
Elena: Come on, Ric. You are like one hoodie and 3 missed haircuts away from becoming Professor Shane.
Alaric: I am perfectly content staying at home, letting my hair grow out.
Elena: You're hiding. You're becoming a self-loathing vampire hermit. Tell you what. You've been given the chance to start over. Take it. Be happy.
Alaric: I am happy... ish.
Elena: Exactly. I'll see you at 8: 00 but not in that t-shirt. You've worn it twice this week.
(Elena walks out and Liam is leaning against the wall.)
Elena (pumping her fist): There you are, good.
(They begin walking down the hall together.)
Elena: Are you going out tonight?
Liam: On the friday of homecoming weekend? No. I'm studying.
Elena: Sarcasm. What an unexpected response. I think you should come to the corn maze with me.
Liam: A corn maze?
Elena: Mm-hmm.
Liam: Will Dorothy and Toto be joining us?
Elena: Hilarious. You know, there's an actual scientific word for why people go to these invents.
Liam: And what's that?
Elena: Fun. (She stops walking and turns to him.) Do you feel like having some with me?
Liam: That depends. Are you gonna try and set me up with any more of your friends?
Elena: That depends. Are you gonna kiss me out of the blue again?
Liam: Not when you say it like that.
Elena: I got to go. More people to invite.
Liam: You're inviting multiple people to be your date tonight.
Elena: I'm inviting multiple people to join in on the fun. As for who my date will be, well, that depends on you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ OTHERWORLDLY, IN THE WOODS ]
(Damon and Bonnie are strolling in the woods, it's morning and Damon is playing with a stick while whistling.)
Bonnie: You're in a good mood for the first time this decade. (Damon pokes her with the stick.) Stop that.
Damon: Because I have a hot date with my girl tonight.
Bonnie (quickly): Yeah, assuming Kai's telling the truth.
(Bonnie's pace is faster so she is now in front of him as they walk.)
Damon: I'm thinking dinner and a movie, you know what? Screw the dinner and a movie. Skip straight to the good part.(Damon pokes her again and she jumps a bit.)
Bonnie: Yeah. And assuming I can do the spell, which I won't know...until I see it.
(Damon, walking forward so that now they stood beside each other.)
Damon: Whatever happened to hope, Bon? 'Member when I was all like boo, grr? (Bonnie looks over to him. Damon uses a high-pitched tone to mimic Bonnie): And you were like "hooray, hooray. We're getting out of here!"?
Bonnie: Look, I want to go home more than anything but Kai's a sociopath, who's to say he won't screw us over?
Damon (wearing a piercing gaze): Me, I say, because I will kill Kai and anyone... (Damon does a playful jumping stance with the stick) ...who comes in the way of me going home.
(A pounding beat as Kai appears out of nowhere carrying an ax.)
Kai (wearing that bland smile): I heard my name. All good I hope. (He also has the ascendant in his hand and he uses it as he looks up and blocks the sun from his face with it.) The eclipse will happen directly overhead. (Kai looks at Damon and Bonnie who are shooting him glares.) In perfect alignment with the Gemini constellation. (He looks toward Damon, who looks right back, angrily.) You, need to dig into the tunnels below us.
Bonnie (confused): Why?
Kai (pausing a second and speaking to her slowly as if she were a young child): Have you never portal jumped through an eclipse before?
(When Damon and Bonnie don't look amused he takes a step forward.)
Kai: Okay look, the light of the eclipse will shine down and activate the ascendant, you spout a little witchy woo and then poof! (He gestures an explosion with his hands, Bonnie raises her eyebrows.) Anyone standing in the circle of light holding the ascendant goes home.
Bonnie: By 'witchy woo', I assume you mean the spell?
Kai: Uh-huh.
Bonnie (scrunching her eyebrows like she always does): Let me see it.
Kai (pauses): When the time comes.
(He steps forward and pushes past them.)
Damon (slowly turning to look): Where are you going?
Kai (smiling): Into town, I need to..gather some important supplies.
(He turns, whistling like Damon before leaving. Damon picks up the ax that Kai had sunk into the ground, he takes an incredulous look at both the stick and ax in his hand before tossing the stick.)
[Music nearly reaching it's point.]
(Damon and Bonnie raise their eyebrows before Damon raises the ax and attacks the ground with it.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE DORMS ]
(Caroline is squatting, now fully dressed in the mini fridge, the second she rose to her feet Ivy entered the room, wearing a white dress, she spins.)
Ivy: What do you think?
Caroline (now holding a blood bag): I think you're wearing my dress. And you must be deaf because I already said. The. Party's. Not. Happening. (She tosses the bag to Ivy, who catches it.)
Ivy: So you'd rather be looked in a dorm room with a newbie vampire?
(Caroline sits on the bed.)
Caroline: No. I would rather be at the party (she swings her head) just like I'd rather have friends who didn't ignore me for months and then use me when they need help.
Ivy (pulling the bloodbag free of her mouth): Whoa. Just realized why Stefan brought me here to learn control. (she sits on Elena's bed) Just do yourself a favor. Unwind. Just admit you have a thing for him. (She brings the bloodbag to her mouth again.) Caroline (sitting up on the bed while jabbing a finger at Ivy): Excuse me?
Ivy (tilts her head): I saw the way you looked at him that night you came over for dinner. (Caroline scoffs) You practically cut his food for him...
Caroline: Oh, you kn... (she says quickly) My relationship with Stefan is strictly... c-complicated. Okay, aren't you supposed to be practicing your vamping or something?
(Ivy uses vampire speed to stand in front of Caroline.)
Ivy: Done. See? I'm fine, you already put your number into my phone as my emergency vampire contact. I know I burn in the sun, we covered compulsion and snatch, eat, erase. (She looks at the window.) Look, it's getting dark. Let's go party. You can teach me how to eat someone without killing them.
Caroline: Stefan will be here very soon, and then you can do whatever you want... WITH HIM.
Ivy: Can we at least play a board game or do something non-vampire related.
Caroline (impressed): Finally, a good idea. (She stands and heads for the cabinet. What kind of game do you want to play?
Ivy: I don't know, scrabble?
Caroline (oblivious to the fact that Ivy is standing right behind her): I have tournament, classic, and travel-sized.(Ivy's hands twine around Caroline's neck and snaps it, Caroline falls to the ground and Ivy speeds out of the dorm.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(A girl, holding up a torch, wearing dirty white dress with blood coating the front of it is screaming hysterically as she darts through the corn field, the girl reaching an open section, meets a few teenagers standing around. It appears she was pretending for the theme of homecoming. The girl uses the torch to light the bonfire, which is followed by cheers. Elena is whooping as Liam comes out from behind her carrying a red cup and a black one, Liam taps her with the cup and she turns, reaching for the red cup but he pulls back.)
Liam (looking at something behind her): What's doctor Laughlin doing here? Looking hot.
(Elena turns and sees Jo, whose white doctor jacket was replaced with something else, her hair was pulled back and her face full of makeup, she's looking around as if she's bored.)
Liam: I thought the lab coat was permanently attached.
Elena (smiling mischievously, turns back to Liam): I invited her. (she leans forward, scrunching her nose secretly) It's kind of a setup, only neither party knows about it.
(Elena snatches the red cup.)
Elena: Come on. (She uses a country accent.) It's time to get your Kansas on.
(They both head into the Corn Maze, which the pretender had just come from.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ OUTSIDE ]
(The sky is dark, Caroline is outside, holding a phone to her ear.)
Caroline (while walking): Stefan, hey. This is the third message alerting you that your psychotic little she-vamp has gone AWOL, and if you hadn't noticed, it's dark outside, so every dead sorority girl tonight is officially on you.
(She hangs up the phone.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN WHITMORE COLLEGE ]
(Alaric is alone in the classroom, he is sitting in one of the students's seat as picks up a bottle of bourbon from beside him, he has a stack of papers on his lap. Alaric twists open the cap and takes a swig of Bourbon. When he's finished, he looks down and sees that Stefan is standing in the doorway.)
Stefan: Grading on the curve, huh?
(Alaric doesn't smile, just closes the Bourbon)
Alaric: You know this barely makes a dent. (He's staring at the Bourbon.)
(Stefan looks down, pursing his lips.)
Alaric: Can't fault me for trying, though. You want some? (He looks up at Stefan.)
Stefan (stepping further into the classroom): No, I just...came here to get one of these from Luke. (He holds up a daylight ring.) Alaric (placing the Bourbon on the floor): Let me guess... You played the 'Damon is dead, and it's all your fault,' card.
(Stefan takes a moment to look guilty.)
Alaric (angry at Stefan): What do you want, Stefan?
Stefan (steps further more into the room): Enzo turned a vampire when he and Caroline found me.
Alaric (sitting down his pen): You mean your girlfriend, from Savannah. (Alaric stands, walking over to Stefan.) The one you falsely led me to believe was a witch who knew how to help Damon and Bonnie?
Stefan: (sighs) Her name is Ivy. I was hoping you can compel her to get a handle on things, get somewhere far away from me, live a good life.
Alaric (leaning his head forward): Are you asking me to help you with a break up?
Stefan: I'm just asking you to give her a fresh start.
Alaric: You mean give you a fresh start.
(Stefan is silent.)
Alaric: Sorry, Stefan. It's not that easy-
Stefan: Well it was when you compelled Elena to forget about Damon.
Alaric: Well you forgot about him first, pal. (Alaric turns away.)
Stefan: He was my brother.
Alaric (turning back to him): Yeah, and he was my best friend....Why don't you get out of my face before I compel you to be the guy I used to know instead?
(And with that, Stefan slowly leaves, looking defeated.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN THE CITY ]
(A random man is walking to his car, wearing a white T-shirt, he slips his key into the keyhole and he looks up at his reflection in the mirror, he sees Ivy, the man whirls.)
Man: He takes a breath: You scared me. (But he's smiling.)
Ivy: Really? That wasn't scary...(Her tone changes.) But this is.
(Veins bloom from under her eyes, and she zips forward and bites him, with one booted foot on the car and the other on the ground. She releases him, hands still on his shoulders and smiles.)
Ivy: I snatched, I ate, now...ERASE!
(She's looking directly in his eyes.)
Victim: Erase what? What the hell are you doing to me?
(Ivy's smile fades.)
Ivy: I-I don't think I did it right. (She's breathing deeply.) And I'm still hungry. Oh god, I am totally going to kill you, uh. (She looks directly in his eyes.) You should GO, RUN, SERIOUSLY!
(The guy runs away, leaving Ivy)
Ivy: I suck at this.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN THE WOODS, OTHERWORLDLY ]
(Damon has dug up the ground, and he's standing in the place he'd dug up. Damon continues attacking the inside of the hole with the ax while Bonnie sits on the dirt from the ground.)
Bonnie: Hey.
(Damon stops.)
Bonnie: You know there's a very probable chance you're digging your own grave, and...not bothered?
(Damon attacks the ground, ignoring Bonnie and finally an opening appears down there.)
Damon: Ha.
(Kai appears, coming from the woods with a backpack.)
Kai: Looks like I got back just in time.
(Kai nearly sets down his backpack when Damon zooms forward and snatches the pack, he tears it open. And begins reading what's inside.)
Damon: Zima, grunge, every Alex Rodriguez rookie card in demand, and a pager. Really? (Damon drops the bag on the ground.)
Kai: 555-Hiya-Kai, no way I'm giving those digits up.
Damon: These are the important supplies you needed to get?
(Bonnie is suspiciously watching the two from the dirt she's sitting on.)
Kai: Look. The future sound great, all right? I'm superexcited about the Internet, but 1994 has been my home for most of my life. I'd hate to get homesick. So let's get down there...
Bonnie (standing): No. (She walks forward, pushing Damon out of the way, who attempted to stop her.) We are not going anywhere until you show me the spell.
Kai: Okay.
(He stands still, basically saying that they aren't going.)
Damon: Are we literally not going anywhere?
Bonnie (pursing her lips): Fine, you don't want to show me the spell? Then you can do it yourself.
(Kai smiles, suspiciously.)
Bonnie: You...want my magic. (She holds out her arm.) Take it.
Kai (looking up at Damon): Uh-oh, she's being brave.
Bonnie: I'm serious Kai! This was your big threat, wasn't it? If I do the spell and let us out of here, you'll just take my magic, leave me for dead, and do the spell yourself. So go ahead. Take all of it. (Damon looks worried, and Kai looks down at Bonnie.)
Kai: *sighing* Don't mind if I do.
(He slaps both hands on her shoulders and she yelps in pain, nearly going limp in his arms.)
Damon: Bonnie?
Bonnie (managing to speak): It's okay, he won't kill me.
Damon: Doesn't look like that from here.
(Bonnie grunts in pain again.)
Bonnie: OW.
Damon (extremely worried): Hey! Bonnie.
(Bonnie's face contorts with pain.)
Damon: Whoa, hey, guys. (And when they continue.): STOP.
(Kai releases Bonnie with a mischievous smile.)
Bonnie (trying to catch her breath and when she finally does): He doesn't..know the spell. Which means, we don't need him. (She raises her hand.) Motus.
(The ax Damon was using to attack the ground soars through the air before burying itself into Kai's chest, whose eyes widen as he falls on his back.)
Damon: NO! No, BONNIE?
(After a while he taps her bare shoulder with an impressed look.)
Damon (turning away): Great work, Bonnie.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(Elena and Liam are still carrying cups as they enter a section of the corn fields.)
Elena: Oh, I think I recognize this scarecrow. (She points at one.)
Liam: You said that about...every scarecrow.
Elena: Okay, well then, we are officially lost.
Liam: Actually, it's two lefts and three rights. I pulled up a satellite image of this maze before I came.
Elena (tilting her head): Oh. Competitive type. Got it.
Liam (smiling): Question is, am I your type?
Elena (widening her mouth): Honestly, no...
(Liam's smile fades.)
Elena: But people can change, right?
Liam (stops walking): Uh-oh.
Elena (turning with a smile): What?
Liam: You're still hung up on your ex.
(Elena makes a face.)
Liam: Overly ambitious premed student, desperate to become a doctor so she can prove to the guy who dumped her that he messed up big time.
Elena (impassively and nonchalantly): Actually, he died.
Liam (eyes widen): Or that. I'm... I'm sorry, I thought Stefan was...
Elena (quickly): No.
Liam (looking down): Yikes.
Elena (scrunching up her face): Yeah. It's ok, it's ok. (She takes a long breath.) His name was Damon, but... tonight isn't about him, it's about you and me.
(Liam smiles, taking her hand and leading her away. The girl who was running through the woods with blood on her shirt scares Jo with a loud scream.)
Jo: Ahh, NOT COOL!
Alaric (sees her and walks over): Heh, heh.
Jo: Oh, Professor Bourbon. Perfect timing.
(They smile at each other.)
Alaric: Imagine you see a lot worse in E.R.
Jo: Everything I see there is natural, gross but natural. Zombies, ghosts, the undead...not cool.
Alaric (making a face): Good to know. (He takes a breath.) You haven't seen Elena around here, have you? She...basically blackmailed me into coming tonight.
Jo: Oh, let me guess, she told you to get out of the classroom, live a little? Yeah...
Alaric: We're being set up. Ok.
Jo: Now why don't you be a gentleman and get me the hell out of here because we are way too old for this party, and I need a drink stat.
(Alaric pulls his flask from his pocket, holding it out to her.)
Jo (accepting it): I thought you were a germaphobe.
Alaric: I'll make an exception.
(They walk off together.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ON THE ROAD ]
(Tyler is driving his truck, it's dark, and his cellphone chimes and he picks it up and reads a text from Liv.)
"Party's lame, You got 5 minutes until I'm outta here."
(Tyler smiles at it, and when he looks up, the guy that Ivy bit comes running in front of the car. Tyler swerves the car to avoid hitting him, but catches him anyway and Tyler loses conscious while the car speeds into the cornfield on the side of the road, in other words, the Corn Maze.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(Elena is giggling with Liam by her side.)
Elena: See, I told you it would be fun.
(Elena and Liam walk past Alaric and Jo.)
Alaric: Speak of the devil.
(Suddenly people are yelping 'watch it!' and 'hey!", Alaric looks up to see what's happening and hears Tyler's car swerving. Tyler's car smashes right into the corn maze where people are. People fall to the ground, screaming.)
[ screen goes black ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(Tyler grunts as he climbs out of his truck which has been thrown to the side, he looks around, realizing what had just happened.)
Tyler: Oh god.
(He jumps on the ground, still grunting. He leans his back against a tree to breathe before pulling out his cellphone, he was ready to put it to his ear when he hears choking. Tyler looks around and realizes it's the guy he hit, lying in the dirt, blood coming from his mouth. Tyler is shocked, and scared.)
Man: Help.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(Elena awakes in the cornfield, her eyes open. She's on her back, Homecoming is chaotic, people are bleeding, people are yelping for help. Liam is kneeling over the girl dressed as Lady Whitmore, [i]the one who scared Jo and ran through the woods with a torch, There is a wound on her, and Liam is pressing on it. Elena stands up, confused.)[/i]
Liam: Elena! (When she doesn't answer: Elena! Get over here!
(Elena stumbles over, dropping to her knees beside the girl.)
Elena: Oh god, h-ho-how bad is it?
(Liam shakes his head negatively. Elena places her hand over Liam's hands on the wound.)
Elena: I got this.
Liam: I'm not sure there's anything you can do.
Elena: I'll do everything that I can, j-just go see if you can help someone else, alright?
(Liam looks at the girl, reluctant to leave.)
Elena: Come on. GO.
(Liam scrambles away, and when Elena is sure he's gone she bites into her wrist, feeds the girl the blood, and when she removes her hand from the wound it's gone. Elena leans forward, looking straight in the girls eyes, compelling her.)
Elena (eyes up close on the screen): Listen to me, you dove out of the way just in time. You were very lucky. Now get out of here and take as many people as you can, ok? Come on.
(She helps the now-healed girl up and when the girl is gone her cellphone buzzes.)
Elena: Tyler?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(Tyler, he is still standing beside the guy he hit.)
Tyler: I was driving the truck, Elena.
Elena: What?
Tyler: This guy ran right in front of me, and he's hurt bad. If he dies, I'm a werewolf all over again, ok? I need you to get here. We're in a ditch. (He speaks while staring around.) I don't know where, but I need you here now, so please hurry.
Elena (quickly and squeakily): Tyler you don't understand, you drove right through the maze, there are injured people everywhere.
Tyler (pauses for a second): What the hell am I supposed to do?
Elena (looking around): Ah, Just... listen. Just hang on. Um, make sure that you keep him awake. Assess his injuries while I go find Jo and Alaric.
CORN MAZE:
(Alaric flips over, a wooden stick coming from a broken border is protruding from his torso, he rips it out.)
Jo: You're bleeding.
Alaric: I'm fine.
Jo (crawling over): No, you're not. Let me see. (She raises his shirt and sees that there is no wound, she looks momentarily confused.): Wait, how the hell...?
Alaric: I don't think It's my blood.
(He grabs Jo's arm which is scraped and bleeding.)
Jo: Oh. Ok. That's gonna make things more difficult.
Alaric: I really think I should get you out of here.
Jo: No. That's not an option. (She grabs a random strip of material and wraps her arm in it.) You look pale. Does blood make you squeamish?
Alaric: Yeah. Something like that.
Jo: Don't worry. You'll get used to it. Call 911, follow me.
(She gets up.)
Alaric: Ok.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN THE CITY ]
(Caroline is walking down the street, and she finds the car - the car Ivy had bitten the guy on - and she sees that there is blood on it. Caroline sighs, putting her fists to her head. A light shines on her and she turns, Stefan's red car just parked onto the sidewalk and Stefan steps out.)
Caroline: THANK GOD!
Stefan (rushing forward): You lost her?
Caroline: Oh, so you decided to listen to your messages a million hours later? No, I didn't lose her, she snapped my neck and what the hell took you so long?
Stefan: I got caught up.
Caroline: You got caught up doing what?
Stefan (a little guilty): Driving halfway out of town.
Caroline (pauses): You were leaving?
Stefan (looks down for a second): I slid Ivy's daylight right under...
Caroline: No.
Stefan: ...your front door...
Caroline: No, I don't care about some stupid ring, Stefan! Were you seriously about to dump your vampire ex-girlfriend onto my lap, and then just skip town?
(Stefan slightly nods, saying yes. Caroline's mouth widens, she's appalled, angry and shocked.)
Caroline: God, who are you right now?!
Stefan (raising his voice): I'm someone who's trying to start over, and then suddenly you and Enzo show up and now I have hunters on my trail and a brand new vampire who wants to kill me and everyone else in her path! And that's not how someone starts over, Caroline!
Caroline (after a while in a more serene tone): You know what the worst part about all of this is? Is about a month ago, I wished that Damon would come back. Because I knew if that happened, that I'd get you back too. But right now, all I want is for you to just..get back in your car, and go.
(Stefan looks hurt as he walks away from her, leaving Caroline who shuts her eyes and licks her lips as she hears Stefan's car drive away and when he's gone her cellphone buzzes, she puts her phone to her ear.)
Caroline: Where are you?
(Ivy is standing in the road, with her cellphone.)
Ivy: I did a really bad thing.
Caroline: Oh, you mean, break my neck? Yeah, I noticed.
Ivy: Okay, two bad things. Look, I'm sorry-
Caroline: (sighs) Tell me exactly where you are and stay put, I'll come get you.
(She leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN THE WOODS, OTHERWORLDLY ]
(Bonnie is still sitting atop the dirt, except now she has the ascendant in her hand and a grimiore in front of her. Damon is slumped against a tree, chugging clear liquid from a bottle.)
Damon: Mmm.
(Bonnie looks up at this.)
Damon: Mmm, mm, MM.
Bonnie: Can you... stop. Let me concentrate?
Damon (staring at the bottle): On the bright side, this stuff's not so bad. (Bonnie sighs, annoyed) It's fruity, and fizzy.
Bonnie: Damon, I'm working on something...
Damon: On the not-so-bright side, is your intelligence, because you took the only chance of us getting out of here and turned him into a giant....douche-kebab. (He drinks up.)
Bonnie: Think about it, Damon. What prison gives an inmate a key?
Damon: Is that a trick question?
(Bonnie pauses)
Damon: Or is this stuff actually starting to kick in,
Bonnie: I think the Gemini coven used a Bennett spell to create this place, what if that's why my Grams sent me here?
Damon (pointing at his face): This is the face I make when I don't understand you. (he goes cross-eyed and purses his lips)
Bonnie (rolling her eyes and sighing): You know the last thing my Grams said to me..was to stay strong.....what if that was her way of telling me I have the power to get out? (Damon chugs some more) I have the ascendant, a massive celestial event to draw from, plus a burning desire to get away from you. (she points the ascendant at him)
(Damon's smile doesn't reach his eyes, and Bonnie holds up the Ascendant, shutting her eyes.)
Bonnie: [Chanting a spell that I can't type down.]
(Damon's fake smile fades when he sees that it might be working.)
Bonnie: [Repeating the spell I can't type down.]
(And...'click!' the claws on the ascendant pull free and twist, Bonnie looks up at Damon as she stumbles to her feet, she lets out a smirk, with wide eyes.)
Bonnie: That's why Kai wouldn't kill me. He needed a Bennett,...I was his only way out of here.
(Bonnie turns and begins to walk)
Damon (slack-jawed): Whoa, where are you going?
Bonnie (climbing towards the hole Damon had dug open): Home. Coming?
(Damon looks excited, he looks up at the sun that is slowly darkening from the eclipse.)
[ screen goes black ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(Tyler is grunting as he attempts to lift his truck off of his victim, and then suddenly the car moves so easily, he looks up and realizes that Liv is using her magic to haul it off of his victim.)
Liv (after a moment of taking in the scene): What happened?
Tyler (sweating and disheveled): I hit this kid in the road.
(Liv squats down over the victim.)
Tyler: Look, it wasn't my fault. It was an accident.
Liv (after stuttering): That's a good thing, right?
(Tyler looks up at her appallingly.)
Liv: You know what I mean.
Tyler: It doesn't matter. If he dies, I'm...(He shakes his head in disbelief.) Call Elena.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(Jo is aiding someone's wound, tying a cloth around a bleeding leg and Alaric approaches her.)
Alaric: Ambulance is on the way,
Jo (from the ground): Good.
(Alaric squats with her.)
Jo: Get over here, I need your hands. (She grabs Alaric's hands and places them on the wound.) Put your fingers right there, that should stop the bleeding.)
(Alaric's face is still as he stares at all the blood.)
Jo: While I get a look at the rest of em'.
(Veins begin to crawl underneath Alaric's eyes.)
Jo: You doing okay?
Alaric (looking away from her): Yeah, I'm fine. Wow.
Jo: Just keep your finger on that femoral artery.
Alaric: Ok.
Jo: His pulse is still dropping.
Alaric: This isn't your first rodeo?
Jo (still helping the injured man): Listen, I was in the army right out of med school. Family stuff. Just had to get away.
(Blood spurts from the wound Alaric was pressing on and he jumps back along with Jo, as Jo continues to hold the wound, veins crawl under his eyes. Elena suddenly rushes over with her cellphone on her ear.)
Elena: Dr. Laughlin, my friend Tyler, he's in trouble, and its sounds really bad, and... I don't know where he is.
Jo: Call me Jo. Put him on speaker.
(Elena does so.): Ok.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN THE CORNFIELD AT TYLER'S CAR ]
(Liv is holding the phone on speaker out to Tyler.)
Jo (voiceover): Tyler can you hear me?
Tyler ((freaking out)): I-I don't know what to do, I think he's losing consciousness.
Jo: Need you to answer my questions as accurately as you can, is there blood?
Liv: Tons.
Jo: Is it still flowing, is he bleeding now?
Tyler (hoarsely): No. No. I... it looks like it stopped.
Jo: Is there any coming out of his nose, or his mouth?
Tyler: Yes.
Jo: What color is it? Is it red, or is it black?
Liv: It's black. It's really freaking black. What do we do?
Jo: Take his hand.
(Liv does so, followed by a weird look from Tyler.)
Liv: Now what?
Jo: Just try and keep him comfortable.....Won't be long now.
(Liv looks up at Tyler sadly, and they both share a look.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ UNDERGROUND, OTHERWORLDLY ]
(The sky above is still darkening from the eclipse, underground, Damon is sitting on a rock, and the hole Damon dug is directly under the eclipse so the light will pool through. Damon is staring at Bonnie who is standing directly under the light, he's chugging the his drink. Bonnie uses the Ascendant to slice into her wrist, she then drips the blood onto the Ascendant.)
[Hopeful, trailing music begins to play in the background.]
Bonnie (in a soft whisper): Okay...(She looks up at Damon, who's staring.)
(She breathes hard and she looks up at the blue eclipse light, she shuts her eyes and begins to chant. And just like before, the ascendant clicks and opens. Damon and Bonnie stare hopefully at each other.)
Bonnie: It's time, Damon.
(Damon sits his bottle down, and scrubs his hands together, getting up from the rock.)
Damon: Alright... (he walks over to Bonnie, under the direct light of the eclipse) ...let's get awkward.
(They're both smiling widely. Damon places his hand under Bonnie's.)
Damon: Like this?
Bonnie (slightly-nervously): Yep.
Damon (looks up at Bonnie, his eyes a brilliant blue): (sighs) I'm sure there are about a billion people you'd rather be here with.
(Bonnie smiles.): Not exactly.
(Damon smiles at her back.)
Bonnie: Let's go... AH!
(An arrow zips out of nowhere and catches Bonnie in her stomach, she gets knocked back, Damon is taken by surprise and the ascendant falls with her. Damon whirls to see Kai standing with a crossbow pointed directly at him.)
Kai: Forgetting someone?
(Damon stares incredulously.)
[ screen goes black ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ UNDERGROUND, OTHERWORLDLY ]
Kai: Did you really think I hadn't tried to kill myself before?
(Damon looks back at Bonnie, who is grunting in pain.)
Kai: Because I had... (he reloads his crossbow) ...lots of times, lots of ways.
(Kai aims at Bonnie, while Damon's eyes trail to the ascendant.)
Kai (about the ascendant): Grab that, and the next arrow goes in her heart. Your choice.
(Bonnie is making a noise in pain. Damon super speeds over to Bonnie, grabbing her so he could hold her in his arms.)
Damon (whispering): Okay, I got ya...
(Bonnie yelps as Damon rips out the arrow, he bites into his wrist, ready to heal her, when... Kai rushes forward to grab the ascendant.)
Bonnie: DAMON, NO!
(Damon super speeds to Kai and shoves him at the wall, they struggle with each other, Kai drops the ascendant. Bonnie, knowing nobody notices her, drags herself across the ground to the ascendant, tears in her eyes. Kai stabs Damon with an arrow, Damon grunts in pain, he tries to take it out)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORNFIELDS, AT TYLER'S CAR ]
(Tyler is roughly slamming his hands into his victim's chest, trying to save him.)
Tyler: Come on, man. Please, you gotta live. Come on, buddy. Come on.
(Liv looks as if she has no hope.)
Tyler: Come on, man. You can't die!
Liv: Stop! Tyler, stop! (She rushes over and pulls him away.) Just stop, okay? There's nothing you can do.
(Liv stands atop the man.)
Tyler: i killed him.
Liv: No, you didn't.
Tyler (as Liv slowly sits in front of the almost-dead man): Yes, I did, Liv. Everything we've tried to do to keep me from this, and all it took was one guy running out into the road. (Suddenly Liv's hands shoot forward and cover the victim's nose, and mouth and the guy obviously can't breathe.) Tyler: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LIV, LIV STOP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
(Liv is nearly in tears. and holds tight until finally the guy stops struggling and the life leaves his eyes. Dead. Tyler is in horror.)
Liv: You didn't kill him Tyler. (She looks up at him.) I did.
(Then she gets up and abruptly leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CORN MAZE ]
(Elena finds Liam squatting over a girl, who is gasping for breath.)
Elena: Hey. The ambulances have arrived. Jo said to let the paramedics take it from here.
Liam: I don't think she can wait.
(Elena gets to her knees. Putting two fingers to the girl's throat.)
Elena: Her windpipe, it's...
Liam: Deviated is the medical term. Screwed is more like it. Either way, she's not getting enough air.
Elena (softly): Liam, I can help.
Liam: Good. Stabilize her head while I trache her.
(Elena holds down the girl's head.)
Elena: Have you ever done this before?
Liam: Practiced on a grapefruit. Didn't end well. (He has a pen in his hand.)
Elena: No, Liam. That's not what I meant. I can actually... (She's ready to bite into her wrist when Liam stabs the girl in the neck with the pen, the girl gasps and begins to breathe.)
Elena: It worked. You actually did it. (She smiles at him.)
Liam (breathing deeply): Don't sound so surprised.
(The corn field is full of ambulances, paramedics and Elena gets into the car, and when Liam's ready to get inside he looks around for a moment, his eyes landed on a group of people and then finally he realizes the girl Elena healed is not wounded anymore, she's smiling and walking perfectly. He's confused.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ UNDERGROUND, OTHERWORLDLY ]
(Damon and Kai are still fighting, Bonnie is bleeding out, as she crawls over to the ascendant. The eclipse is fully overhead. Kai flips Damon over as he attempts to push the arrow in deeper. Bonnie reaches the ascendant. Grabs it. Kai twists the arrow in Damon.)
Damon (grunting): Bonnie...get...out of here.
Bonnie (tears in her eyes): I'm not going to make it.
(And then suddenly she smiles, teats almost-nearly-closely dripping out.)
Bonnie (bravely): But you are.
[Hopeful tune plays again.]
Bonnie (holds her hand out): Motus... (she chants.)
(Kai is flung away from Damon, he hits the ground along with the arrow. And Damon turns trying to grab for the rock because he knows what Bonnie is trying to do. But his hands slip easily from the rock as he is dragged underneath the eclipse light. When he gets there, Bonnie tosses the ascendant to him.)
Kai: DON'T!
(The ascendant untwists and clicks in his hand.)
Damon (desperate to save bonnie): NO.
(The ascendant twists one more, a definite click.)
Damon: NO!
(Damon is brought up into the light, and with a flash...He is gone. The only thing left is the ascendant, which shatters as it drops to the ground. Kai screams loudly. And Bonnie smiles, knowing Damon made it. The tear finally falls from her eye as she crumbles to the ground, letting out a grunt of pain. And suddenly, she's silent.)
[ screen goes black ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ WHITMORE MEDICAL CENTER ]
(Jo is sitting up on a bed in the hospital hall, her arm is wrapped with gauze. Alaric approaches her with a coffee and hands it to her.)
Alaric: How you feeling?
Jo: You really want to know? Because I'm hopped up on pain meds and just obnoxious enough to tell you.
Alaric (smirks): I'll take my chances.
Jo (laughs): I think you're great. You're brave, funny, not to mention maybe the most attractive man I've ever seen, and I feel completely comfortable telling you this because I'm old enough to know what I want. And call me crazy, but I think I was meant to know you.
(She pauses, waiting for a response.)
Jo: This is the part where you say something or kiss me or run for the hills.
Alaric: Yeah, I, um. I think you're amazing, brilliant, and one of the sexiest women I have ever met, and I would love to believe that you and I were meant to be because I would love to believe there was a plan for me other than this life that I am living right now.
(Suddenly he stares deep into her eyes, compelling her.)
Alaric: But tonight was a disaster. You thought I was boring and a borderline alcoholic, and because you don't know me, not the real me anyway, you don't want to kiss me, and you absolutely want me to run for the hills.
Jo (blinks, taking a breath): You're right, tonight was a literal disaster, and you're definitely an alcoholic...(She leans forward, grabbing him and kissing him softly, and when they pull away, she says: But you're far from boring, Ric.
(Jo stands and walks away. Leaving Alaric confused and blinking.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN THE ROAD ]
(Ivy, wearing her bloody dress is standing in the road with her phone to her ear.)
Ivy: Where are you? I have been standing here for a hundred years.
Caroline (voiceover): Don't exaggerate, I'm almost there.
(Ivy hangs up, and suddenly a car drives up, she waves her arms for a ride. It's Tripp.)
Tripp: Need any help?
(Ivy's smile fades and she turns away. Tripp gets out of the car.)
Tripp: I heard about the, uh, big campus accident on my scanner. Sounds like some people got hurt or something.
Ivy: I'm fine.
Tripp (still walking toward her): Actually, you're bleeding, you might be in shock.
Ivy (her head still turned): Please. Just. Go.
Tripp (reaching out for her shoulder): I don't think...
(Ivy turns, veins crawling underneath her eyes and zips forward to bite him but there are tranquilizer gunshots. She falls limp, and he drags her toward his car, he dumps her inside. Caroline witnesses the whole scene, her eyes wide from her car.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ IN WHITMORE ]
(Elena and Liam are walking toward her door.)
Liam: So that girl dressed like lady Whitmore, I was ready to give up on her, and you were able to save her. How?
Elena: I don't know. Beginner's luck?
Liam: Elena, she should have died.
Elena: And she didn't. There are crazy, mysterious things in the world, I mean, some things science can't explain.
Liam: Name one.
Elena (stopping and turning to him): Ok. Um...Why does a baby take its first breath?
Liam (shrugging): A reflex. The fluid in a newborn's lungs are...
(Elena rushes and kisses him.)
Liam: I thought kissing me was a fate worse then death.
Elena (smiling): You asked me what my type is. You were a hero tonight, an absolutely jaw-dropping and out-of-this-world hero. That's my type.
(They smile at each other.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ AT LIV'S JOB ]
(Liv has gotten finished stacking napkins and the look on her face is sad. She hears the door open.)
Liv: We're closed.
(It's Tyler.)
Tyler: I talked to Elena.
Liv: Still closed.
Tyler: She said everyone else lived. (Tyler slowly walks toward her.) You don't want to talk about what happened?
Liv: I've got nothing to say.
Tyler: You killed someone tonight. (Liv has her back turned to him, and her eyes are watery) You can't just pretend that didn't happen.
Liv: Watch me.
Tyler (tilting his head): Liv. (She doesn't answer so he approaches her.) Liv. He was dead. There was nothing you could have done to save him, so you saved me instead. (He reaches over and takes her hand.) You. Saved. Me. I can never repay you for that. All I can do is promise you that I won't waste it.
(Liv stares at him with tears running down her face. And they stare at each other.)
THE SALVATORE CRYPT: (Stefan opens the door and steps inside. His eyes are sad, he sighs. Lifting the Bourbon to his lips and drinking it,
Stefan (looking around): Ahh.
(He laughs bitterly.)
Stefan: Yep... This is happening. I'm gonna talk out loud to a... A crypt filled with my dead family.
(His eyes search around the crypt.)
Stefan: Everyone but you, Damon. Because wherever you are, it's not here.
(He takes a seat on a small bench.) Stefan, looking down: I got to say...I'm not doing so great...without you. I keep trying to start over, but... I can't get anywhere...
(His eyes sadden.)
Stefan: Because I'm lost, brother, I'm lost.
(He gets up angrily and tosses the bottle of Bourbon when... suddenly, a hand catches the Bourbon. It's Damon. Stefan's eyes widen, it's like tears are on the verge of coming out.)
Damon (using his snarky tone): So what? Gone a couple of months, you think it's okay to waste a perfectly good bottle of Bourbon?
(He takes a swig of the drink.)
Damon: Ahh.
(Stefan stares, shocked, sad, a mix of feelings.)
Stefan (in a soft whisper): Damon?
Damon: Yep. (He pops the 'p'.) In the flesh.
(Damon smiles.)
Stefan (slowly and whispery): How am I seeing you right now?
(Damon's face becomes serious. His eyes widen as they always do.)
Damon: Because I'm not dead, Stefan (he looks down at the bourbon) I mean, this stuff's good, but it's not "I see dead people" good. Heh.
(He slowly walks toward Stefan. Face serious. Stefan is frozen, eyes wide and red, rimmed with tears.)
Damon: Heh. It's a hell of a long story, brother, but....I'm back. I'm back.
(Stefan reaches out and touches Damon's shoulder.)
Damon (nods at Stefan): (whispers) Yeah.
(When Stefan's face scrunches up as if he is about to cry, he pulls Damon into a hug. A tight one, and Damon wraps his arms around Stefan.)
Damon: I'm back, Stefan...
(Stefan cries with no tears into the embrace, and they stand there. Hugging...) | Plan: A: Kai; Q: Who did Bonnie kill? A: Bonnie; Q: Who kills Kai? A: Damon; Q: Who fights Kai? A: the eclipse; Q: What does Kai tell Bonnie and Damon to prepare for? A: the spell; Q: What did Bonnie discover Kai didn't know about? A: a Bennett; Q: What did Kai need to go back home? A: her magic; Q: What did Bonnie use to make sure Damon went back home? A: Elena; Q: Who and Tyler have to make sure no one dies because Tyler would unlock his werewolf curse? A: Liam; Q: Who goes to Whitmore College Corn Maze with Elena? A: Tyler; Q: Who accidentally runs over the corn maze with a truck? A: the entire corn maze; Q: What does Tyler accidentally run over with a truck? A: Stefan; Q: Who taught Caroline to teach Ivy the vampire ropes? A: Ivy; Q: Who breaks Caroline's neck? A: Tripp; Q: Who captures Ivy? Summary: Kai tells Bonnie and Damon to prepare for the eclipse that can bring them back home. Bonnie soon discovers that Kai knew nothing about the spell and kills him. He never was dead, but he needed a Bennett to help him go back home, so he tries to kill Bonnie and Damon once they were close to coming back home. While Bonnie is bleeding on the ground, Damon fights Kai, but Bonnie uses her magic to make sure Damon goes back home. Meanwhile, Elena and Liam go to Whitmore College Corn Maze. While there, Tyler accidentally runs over the entire corn maze with a truck due to someone running out in the middle of the street, so Elena and Tyler have to make sure no one dies because then Tyler would unlock his werewolf curse. Stefan tells Caroline to teach Ivy the vampire ropes. Ivy breaks Caroline's neck and Ivy decides to go feed, but did not know how to compel. Ivy gets captured at the end by Tripp. Stefan and Damon reunite. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Lon : It's over.
Lucas : Because of one bad signing?
Lon : Go home, write another book. I promise I'll read the next one.
Mike : Listen, I heard you were looking for the opportunity to play ball again.
Nathan : Yes, sir.
Mike : Well, I have one for you.
Owen : So, what do you think, man? You gonna come play for us?
Jamie : You have to do this, daddy.
Nathan : I'm just worried my back can't take something like this right now. Ohh.
Brooke : I'm surprising myself by saying it, but. I have an extra room, and it's yours if you want it.
Boss : We're prepared to offer you a bigger salary and the on-air position you should have had.
Man : You get a better position and a hot intern.
Mouth : Hot intern? Gigi?
Gigi : Mouth!
Man : What? You guys know each other?
Gigi : We were high-school lovers.
Peyton : You'll be careful, right?
Derek : I won't go trying to be a hero or anything.
Peyton : Come here.
Derek : I'll be back, Peyton.
Peyton : I believe you.
Brooke : I told you I wanted to be a mom, and you ran away so fast, you left an Owen-shaped hole in my front door.
Owen : You're right. I'm sorry.
Brooke : You're still a jerk.
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Coach : All right, nice work, guys. Go home, get some rest. Game time's 8:00.
Owen : Not bad for a rookie. You ready for tonight?
Nathan : Bring it on. I got this.
Owen : We'll see, man. It's kind of different in the game.
Nathan : How different?
Owen : That different.
Jamie : Did he get up, mama?
Haley : Yeah, baby, he got up. This time.
Brooke : Hey. How's he doing?
Haley : Well, he's in one piece for now, but I thought Owen was gonna protect him.
Brooke : Hey,99,thought you were gonna protect 23! And why don't you get over your whole fear of having children while you're at it?
Sam : Hey, you're short.
Jamie : I'm 5.What's your excuse?
Sam : Nice. So, what's your name?
Jamie : James Lucas Scott.
Sam : Scott, huh?
Haley : Yeah, he's teacher's pet. Hi, Sam. How uncool are you, hanging out with your teacher? It's borderline creepy.
Brooke : Totally.
Sam : So, what's going on here?
Jamie : It's called slamball. Dunks are worth three points, and jump shots are worth two points. My daddy plays on the slashers with Owen.
Brooke : You hear me, Owen? You better watch Nathan's back! Literally!
Jamie : They used to kiss.
Peyton : Hey, Sam, I'm Peyton. I really like your outfit, man.
Sam : Thank you. It's a lot like yours, actually.
Brooke : Geez, Millie, who knew you were such a sports fan?
Millicent : I'm not. I'm looking for mouth.
Brooke : Mouth and Gigi?
Peyton : Gigi the ex?
Millicent : Gigi the college junior/the new intern/the ex with her college-girl body and her college-girl face!
Brooke : Okay.
Jamie : They used to kiss ... Mouth and Gigi. He kisses Millicent now.
Sam : I'm liking you.
Jamie : Thanks. Mama says I'm not allowed to date yet, but daddy says it's fine.
Haley : What?
Brooke : Hey, P. Sawyer- soon-to-be-Scott, where's your fancy fiancé?
Peyton : I have no idea.
Lucas : Could you say that again? No, I...I guess I just don't understand. I thought the book wasn't doing well. Oh. Wow.
Mouth : Man, this is some great stuff.
Gigi : Yes. It is.
Millicent : Um, Marvin?
Mouth : Millicent, hi. What are you doing down here?
Millicent : Just wanted to say hi.
Mouth : Okay. Hi. Oh, uh, Millie, this is Gigi, my intern. Gigi, this is Millicent.
Millicent : Hi. Millicent. Marvin's girlfriend.
Gigi : Millicent ... Marvin's hot girlfriend. Nice work, Mouth. Hi. Gigi.
Millicent : Hi. So, should I wait for you after the game or.
Mouth : Um, well, we have to go back to the studio and digitize some of this footage.
Gigi : We're doing a piece on Nathan's journey to slamball. It was mouth's idea. He's kind of a genius like that. You have awesome legs, by the way.
Millicent : Yeah. Okay. I'll see you at home, then? Not too late?
Mouth : Not too late.
Gigi : Well, we better get back to the game. Watch your step, Mouth.
Mouth : Why?
Gigi : You don't want to trip on that short leash.
Coach : Time-out. Nathan, you made three jump shots in a row. What the hell is that?
Nathan : It's called scoring.
Coach : It's called slamball! What are you ... hurt? You need a seat?
Nathan : No, I'm good.
Coach : Then get in there and take over this game. Now, I need you. Let's go.
Lucas : Hey.
Peyton : Hey ,there he is. I thought you might have ditched me. What's up?
Lucas : I just got a call from my agent. Someone made an offer for the movie rights to my book.
Peyton : Luke! For "The Comet"? That's great!
Lucas : No, actually, not for " The Comet," but, um, "Ravens".
Team : 1,2,3. Slashers!
Owen : What you think, man? You up for this?
Nathan : Not if it's gonna put me back in a wheelchair.
Owen : It won't.
Nathan : That's easy for you to say. You're not the one with the ball.
Owen : Exactly. Stay behind me.
Other Coach : All right. Hot ball, hot ball! Knock his ass out!
Nathan : Nice!
Owen : Thanks. Let's go, all-Americans.
Haley/Jamie : Yeah !
Sam : Wasn't he, like, just in a wheelchair or something?
AT SCOTT'S HOUSE
Jamie : Morning, daddy. You're alive, right?
Nathan : I think so.
Jamie : Can you walk?
Nathan : Yeah, I'm good.
Jamie : Prove it.
Nathan : I will if you get off me, you dork.
Jamie : Should I get mama?
Nathan : Jamie, I'm fine. Look. You're happy? No?
Jamie : Well, the dancing's not so good, but okay. Good game, daddy.
Nathan : Haley James?
Haley : In here! There's coffee. We pretty much share this house 50/50,don't you think?
Nathan : Yeah. Why?
Haley : I don't know. This stupid article. Do I even want to ask?
Nathan : I'm fine. Really, I'm fine. What?
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Peyton : So, you've had a night to sleep on it. Where's your head at with this whole movie thing?
Lucas : I don't know. You know, on one hand, it could be really cool. But you know how personal that book is. You know, the stuff with us and Keith.
Peyton : Yeah, but it's already in the book, right?
Lucas : Yeah, I know. I guess I just feel like I can control the book more.
Peyton : Well, whatever you decide to do is the right thing as far as I'm concerned.
Lucas : Thanks, babe.
Peyton : I got to get going.
Lucas : All right, well, call me when you get there, and be careful, all right?
Peyton : I will. Hey. I sort of like you, you know that?
Lucas : Well, thank you. I'm kind of warming up to you, too. It's a good thing, since we're getting married.
Peyton : Bye.
AT CLOTHES OVER BROS
Millicent : It's really good, Brooke. Peyton's gonna love it when it's done.
Brooke : Yeah, well, I hope so, considering we have nothing else to sell. How could I have signed my company over to that.
Millicent : Slut?
Brooke : Too nice. How about. Slunt? Millie, what are we gonna do with this place?
Sam : You know what? I like it like this.
Brooke : Oh, do you?
Jamie : Aunt Brooke!
Brooke : It's my favorite man. Who's your favorite girl?
Jamie : Sam!
Brooke : Excuse me? Who is yr favorite girl? You are? All right, that'll do. Get out of here. I have been replaced.
Haley : I will take one unfinished wedding dress. That's all I want, and I'll pay top dollar for it.
Brooke : Well, I'll pay top dollar for one song off of an unfinished album.
Haley : I don't like this game anymore.
Brooke : Mm, I feel you.
Haley : So, what's going on with baby Brooke?
Millicent : Victoria's lawyers say she owns it. Brooke's lawyers say Victoria's lawyers can baby Brooke themselves.
Haley : Have you thought about starting a new line, Brooke? You've done it before. You can do it again.
Brooke : I appreciate the vote of confidence, Haley, but I'm just not feeling inspired lately.
Haley : Well, speaking of, Owen looked pretty hot last night. Didn't you think so, Millie?
Millicent : Totally. What did you think, Brooke?
Brooke : I think Sam is driving me crazy, wilding about like a feral cat! Sam, this is a boutique. It is not a skate park.
Sam : Well, you could have fooled me.
Brooke : If you have a plan to fill this place up, have at it. Otherwise, go skate in traffic.
Haley : Clearly, I've upgraded Sam's foster-living environment.
Millicent : Clearly.
Jamie : Mama, can I sleep over at aunt Brooke's tonight?
Haley : Oh, sweetie, I don't know if aunt Brooke
Brooke : I would love that. It would be nice to have a man in the house.
Jamie : Awesome. Thank you.
Haley : And speaking of, I thought Owen looked pretty hot last night. Didn't you think so, Millie?
Millicent : Totally. What did you think, Brooke?
Brooke : I think I don't like either of you.
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Julian : Lucas Scott.
Lucas : Maybe.
Julian : Julian Baker. I think your agent called you about me. I'm interested in optioning your book.
Lucas : Yeah, they called me last night. Uh, they didn't say anything about you coming to town, though.
Julian : No ,no. Actually, they don't know. I'm just passing through on my way to New York.
Lucas : Right. You're just passing through Tree Hill, huh?
Julian : Absolutely. Yeah, I want to get a feel for the people and places that inspired your book. It is really great work, Lucas.
Lucas : Yeah, well, thanks, but yeah,
Julian : You probably feel a little ambushed.
Lucas : Yeah, a little bit.
Julian : Yeah, right. I'm sorry. I understand. When I get, when I get inspired by something, I get a little obsessed. Not in a Peyton-stalker sort of way, just ... just driven.
Lucas : What did you say your name was again?
Julian : Julian baker.
Lucas : Julian.
Julian : I tell you what. I'm gonna be in town for the night. Check out my credits online. If you're feeling it, give me a call. We'll grab a drink. You got plans?
Lucas : Maybe.
Julian : That's exactly what I would have said. Fair enough. But if you don't, at least hear me out. If you don't like what I have to say, I'm gone, okay? I promise. At the very least, you get a couple of free drinks from a guy who loves your work. All right, your agent has my number, okay?
Lucas : Okay.
Julian : Good. Well, it's great to finally meet you, Lucas Scott. Your reputation precedes you. Oh, by the way, the house is exactly like I pictured it. It's perfect.
OUT
Derek : So, congratulations.
Peyton : Congratulations, marine. What did you do? Save another life?
Derek : No. They just thought it would look good with the uniform. Hi, Peyton.
Peyton : Hi, big brother. Hey, I missed you.
Derek : I missed you, too. Come on.
AT MOUTH'S OFFICE
Mouth : Hey, Gigi.
Gigi : Hey, sexy.
Mouth : And you wonder why Millicent has me on such a short leash. Look, I know we're friends, but since you're my intern, maybe you should call me something other than sexy, all right?
Gigi : Okay, hot piece of ass. Sorry.
Mouth : How are you doing with the Nathan footage?
Gigi : Uh, it's all in the system. I've got video from Nathan in high school, video from Gilmore, video from Maryland. I think I've even got that video of him and Brooke in there somewhere.
Mouth : All right. How about we start with something from his accident? You know, we set the stakes. Then we can flash back and work our way up to slamball.
Gigi : Talented and sexy.
Mouth : Gigi.
Gigi : Oh, come on, Mouth. If I can't joke around with you, who can I joke around with? Besides, you know you love it.
Mouth : That is not the point.
Oh, so you do love it.
Mouth : Just start with the accident, and I'll be back. Gigi, uh. it is nice working with you again. You're doing great.
Gigi : Thanks. I know I give you a lot of grief, but I think it's amazing watching you work. I missed you ... Sexy.
AT SCOTT'S HOUSE
Lucas : Hey, man.
Nathan : Hey.
Lucas : What you doing?
Nathan : Making pancakes.
Lucas : Really? Why?
Nathan : 'Cause I want pancakes. There's a list over there on the table.
Lucas : What's the list for?
Nathan : Guys to play me in the movie.
Lucas : God, you've got to be kidding me.
Nathan : What? I don't want some tool playing me.
Lucas : So, I guess you've heard, huh?
Nathan : Yeah. Haley told me. It's pretty cool, man.
Lucas : Yeah, I guess. The producer actually stopped by my door today.
Nathan : Good guy?
Lucas : You know, it's hard to say. You know, I mean, he's got some cool credits, but. I don't know. I don't want them to screw this up, you know? I mean, who's gonna be directing it? Who's gonna write the script?
Nathan : Maybe that's a question you should ask him.
Lucas : Yeah.
Nathan : You want some pancakes now, don't you?
Lucas : Yes, I do. Hey, and, uh, hate to break it to you, but Shia Labeouf? I think he's a little too old to play you for high school.
Nathan : Oh, come on, man. You've seen how old these actors are playing high school.
Lucas : Yes. Thank you.
Nathan : So, did you see me get my clocked cleaned in the game last night?
Lucas : No, actually, I missed it. How are you feeling?
Nathan : I'm a little sore. Haley was kind of freaked out, but I'm fine. You know, Luke, I never saw this slamball thing coming, but, I guess that's part of the journey. And this movie thing ... I mean, it could be good for you, could really open some other doors.
Lucas : Yeah, maybe. Hey, Nate. Haley's holding her breath over slamball so you can chase your dream. Just, uh. Let her know it's gonna be okay, all right?
Nathan : Yeah. What's Peyton think of the movie?
Lucas : Uh, what do you mean?
Nathan : Well, I mean, she's basically half the book. How does she feel about it?
Lucas : She said she's good with it either way.
Nathan : What about Brooke? Dude, Brooke's the other half.
AT THE CIMETERY
Peyton : I was happy to get your letter and the invitation. A little surprised, though. I just figured you'd be out by now.
Derek : You make it sound like prison.
Peyton : No, no, I mean, you've been in a while.
Derek : The marines have been good for me, all right? It's what I know. So, how was he? Our dad, Mick?
Peyton : Mm, I mean, pretty much the way you said he'd be kind of lost. I think underneath everything, he is a good guy, but he's just not much of a father.
Derek : You know, I asked Mick to play a U.S.O. Show for us once. Entertain the base. I figured, it's what he does, you know?
Peyton : Yeah.
Derek : He said he'd get back to me. I'm still waiting.
Jamie : I miss Quentin a lot, mama.
Haley : I miss him, too, buddy.
Jamie : I think he's playing basketball, like daddy. Only instead of a trampoline, he can bounce on the clouds.
Haley : Yeah? I like that.
Jamie : Did you always like Quentin, mama?
Haley : You know, the first time I met Quentin, I thought he was a bad kid. But I was wrong. He had such a good heart. He was just afraid to show it at first. You excited about your sleepover with aunt Brooke?
Jamie : Oh, yeah.
Haley : Oh, good. We should get going, buddy.
Jamie : Okay. Bye, "Q. " Chester says bye, too. He misses you like we do.
Haley : Bye, Quentin.
Jamie : Bye Q. Do you think he's lonely in heaven?
Haley : No. I think he's happy.
Jamie : I think he is, too.
AT CLOTHES OVER BROS
Lucas : Hey. So, where's the little orphan girl? What's her name? Annie?
Brooke : Sam. And you so cannot be in here right now!
Lucas : Why not?
Brooke : Because I am working on Peyton's wedding dress, and it is bad luck to see it before the wedding. And considering your luck with weddings, my friend, would you really like to chance this?
Lucas : Very funny. But I thought that, the dress line only when the bride was wearing it.
Brooke : You might have a point there. Fine. It's your wedding to ruin anyway. Tell me that you're here because you want me to make your tux and double my business.
Lucas : Actually, I'm meeting with this movie producer about "Ravens," and I wanted to talk to you about it first.
Brooke : I'm thinking Natalie Portman should play me. I can call her if you want.
Lucas : It's set in high school. Does anybody get that? I mean.
great. So, I suppose you'll be getting some snot from the CW? At least they're hot.
Lucas : Okay, so, does that mean it's okay with you, I mean, if the book becomes a movie?
Brooke : Sure. Why not?
Lucas : Well, I don't know. Sometimes things get lost in translation, you know?
Brooke : Okay. I think you're jumping to conclusions here, writer boy, because first of all, it's got to get made. And if it does, who's to say it's not gonna be this epic, kick-ass love story? I mean, I am making Peyton's wedding dress. That actually might be a great way to end it, you know? And I could always play me.
Lucas : All right. Yeah, here we go. I guess I can consider you on board, then, huh?
Brooke : Yeah.
Lucas : For the record, that dress is unbelievable.
Brooke : Well.
Lucas : You're kind of talented, Brooke Davis.
Brooke : Well, you are not so bad yourself, Lucas Scott.
Lucas : Hey. Could you really call Natalie?
Brooke : Close friend. So much fun.
Lucas : Good to know.
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Mouth : Are there things that you've learned through all of this adversity, Nathan? I mean, do you ever think that maybe the struggle and the setbacks have made you a better person?
Nathan : I guess so. I mean, I like to think that if I would have made it to the NBA out of Maryland, I'd still be a good guy. I hope so.
Gigi : Mouth? We're about to roll out any second.
Mouth : Okay. let's cut and grab another tape.
Gigi : Sure thing, sexy. Sorry. I was talking to Nathan.
Nathan : You know, one of the biggest lessons I ever learned is never to flirt with cute girls that aren't your wife or your girlfriend.
Mouth : What? You don't mean Gigi?
Nathan : No, I'm not talking about the hot college girl you used to date. Why would I be talking about her? Look, Millie's a rock star. Don't screw that up. Be right back, okay?
Mouth : Okay.
Owen : Man, what the hell? Without me, you'd be sitting on the bench shooting jump shots. And you get the interview? I'm telling you ... I get no love.
Nathan : You want me to hook you up?
Owen : Tell you what ... you keep the interview. Why don't you hook me up with Brooke instead?
Nathan : That girl's so over me. Well, she's had a tough run lately. But on the list of 100 things you screwed up in your life, I'd say losing Brooke Davis is number 1 through 99. What's the other one? That haircut or the drug addiction. One of the two.
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : Excuse me. Does your mother let you skateboard on her hardwood floors? Oh, you've been saved by the bell, my friend. You should go play in Sam's room. And by "play," I do not mean smoke anything, drink anything, or burn the house down, okay?
Nathan : Hey, Brooke.
Brooke : No way. You cannot have him back already. He just got here.
Nathan : Who? Jamie? You can totally keep him. The kid's a menace. I'm here to talk to you about Owen.
Brooke : And since when do you have Owen's back?
Nathan : Since he's standing right next to me.
Owen : Hey.
Brooke : You should tell your little friend Owen that if he has something to say to me, he can talk to me himself and stop being so 7th grade about it.
Nathan : Dude, if you have something to say to her, you should say it yourself and stop being so 7th grade about it.
Owen : Hi.
Brooke : Hello.
Jamie : What you doing?
Sam : Texting.
Jamie : About what?
Sam : Party. Want to go?
Jamie : Why don't you just use the door?
Sam : Because it's more like an adventure. Like "Goonies".
Jamie : " What's "Goonies"?
Sam : Dude, you totally did not just ask me that. You ever done anything wild?
Jamie : I got kidnapped by my nanny once, chased through a cornfield, and fell in a swimming pool ... and
Sam : Anything on purpose? All right, well, it's a lot more fun when it's on purpose. So you want to go to the party or what?
Jamie : Is there a moon bounce?
Sam : There's moonshine.
Jamie : Okay.
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Peyton : Well, well, the site of our historic throw down. You want a rematch?
Derek : Careful now. Besides, that's how I met Lucas. The night we had to deal with the crazy white fake me, and now you can laugh
Peyton : It's funny.
Derek : And you and Lucas are getting married? Doing pretty good, Peyton.
Peyton : You're doing good. I didn't mean anything about you still being a marine. I think we're all looking for a life that makes sense somehow, and I am very, very happy for you that you found that.
Derek : And have you found it?
Peyton : Yes. I have. I mean, it sneaks up on you, right? But one day, you look at your life, and it has purpose and someone that makes you feel very special and friends. And it's like, all of a sudden, all the time and pain that it took to get there, it just doesn't matter anymore.
Derek : Yeah, I've been waiting to hear you say that since you stood in this ring and started fighting back.
Peyton : Look, I know that Mick hurt you by not being the kind of father you needed him to be, but you made it anyway, you know? You've got people pinning medals on you. And so, maybe all the pain it took for you to get here doesn't matter anymore for you, too, big brother.
Derek : Maybe.
Peyton : Well, I have to get going, but I had an idea. I own a small record label, and I have some connections back from my years in L.A. How about we do that U.S.O. Show?
Derek : You'd do that?
Peyton : Sure. That's what family does, right?
Derek : Sounds perfect.
Peyton : Okay.
Derek : Come on, I'll walk you out. Great. All these years, and you'll get me busted down to private.
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Haley : Hey.
Lucas : Hey. What's up?
Haley : Oh, I just dropped off the little monster at Brooke's for the sleepover, and, it's just Nathan and I tonight.
Lucas : Bow chicka bow, bow.
Haley : Very funny. Actually, I was thinking about playing a little piano, taking a nice long bath.
Lucas : And then. bow chicka bow ... sorry.
Haley : Speaking of bad pornos, how was your movie offer?
Lucas : Nice. No, I don't know. I'm actually about to go meet the producer to talk about it.
Haley : So, you think you're gonna do it?
Lucas : My agent thinks I'd be crazy not to.
Haley : Cool. 'Cause I was thinking of Ellen page for me.
Lucas : And I was thinking Ellen page for Mia.
Haley : Mia? She's not even in your book.
Lucas : Right. I just thought I'd write her in.
Haley : Great. That little brat steals my life, and now she steals my wish-list actor.
Lucas : And not to mention I'm totally screwing with you. So, how are you doing with slamball?
Haley : You know, I've got a husband with a bad back, and he's playing a game called slamball, so you just let me know when I can breathe again.
Lucas : Haley, he's gonna be okay. Look, Nathan wants what he wants, but he's gonna do it smarter this time. I mean, he knows that he has the best wife and son ever to consider in all this.
Haley : Yeah. He has been really sweet through all of it. In fact, I think I'm gonna go home and visit with my sweet husband.
Lucas/Haley : Bow chicka bow wow
AT TRIC
Lucas : Julian.
Julian : Hey. Glad you made it. I hope you don't mind. I got a ... I got a thing for dive bars. You ever been here before? It's a joke. Not a good one, but. no, I-I know this is your spot. I always wanted to see the infamous Tric.
Lucas : It sounds like you've done your research.
Julian : Luke, I'm so inside this story. I can't get it out of my head.
Lucas : Look, I, uh ... I checked out your credits, and you're for real. But, this story's really personal, you know?
Julian : That's why I want you to write the screenplay.
Lucas : What?
Julian : There's no one else that can tell this story. It's your voice, Luke. On top of that, you'll find that the screen trade says a hell of a lot more than your book deal. It's not about the money. Okay, okay. With you, I may actually believe that. Nevertheless, six figures.
Lucas : Really? 100 grand?
Julian : More like 300 grand, and another three if we get the movie made, and I'll get the movie made. So, in the book, it says Peyton moved to L.A. Did she like it there?
Lucas : Yeah, she loved it there.
Julian : Well, if this works out ... and it will ... you're gonna be a successful screenwriter. You could visit her.
Lucas : Well, actually, she lives here now. We're engaged.
Julian : Well, the world loves a happy ending. Listen, you don't know me, but I honestly feel as though I know you. If you option this book to me, I'll give you complete control of the script. We'll do this thing together. Come on, what do you say?
AT SCOTT'S HOUSE
Nathan : Trying something new?
Haley : Yeah.
Nathan : Let me hear.
Haley : Okay.
Nathan : Well,
Haley : What?
Nathan : Sorry. Nothing.
Haley : Oh. Okay. What ... what is wrong with you? I can't play with you making faces like that.
Nathan : I know. Neither can I.
Haley : You're so funny. We were worried about you.
Nathan : My back is fine. I promise.
Haley : Okay. Well, it's too bad, 'cause, you know, Jamie's sleeping over at Brooke's, and, I thought maybe you'd want a little massage. But, you know, it's fine.
Nathan : Well, it's not perfect. As a matter of fact, I was thinking. Maybe you could just carry me upstairs tonight?
Haley : Carry?
Nathan : Is that okay?
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Owen : I made a mistake. I was into you. I am into you. I just ... Look. I'm an idiot.
Brooke : Just hold that thought.
Millicent : Brooke, there's a problem at the ... oh. Owen. Imagine that. Sorry. There's a problem at the store. The nosy guy across the street called and said he saw someone breaking in.
Owen : Call the police.
Brooke : No.
Millicent : Brooke.
Brooke : No!
Owen : Fine. I'll go.
Brooke : No. I will go. I just need to tell Sam to watch Jamie. And I need to get my gun.
Owen : Wait. What?
Brooke : Hey, Sam.
AT CLOTHES OVER BROS
Brooke : I should have brought the gun.
Millicent : Brooke.
Brooke : Oh, my god.
Owen : Brooke.
Brooke : I'm gonna kill her. Come here. Will you take him?
Owen : Yeah, I got him.
Brooke : Sam! What the hell are you doing?
Sam : I told you I could fill this place up.
Brooke : First of all, you are 15 years old. Second, you kidnapped a 5-year-old child, you adolescent nanny Carrie! And third, you are breaking and entering in the place where I work! This is the place. That is Peyton's wedding dress.
Sam : Oh, dude, chill out. It's fine. It's right.
Millicent : h, no.
Brooke : Where is it?
Millicent : Everybody out!
Owen : Let's go! Now! Everybody head out!
Sam : I'm sorry.
Brooke : Get out!
Owen : Not you.
AT TRIC
Lucas : I make this shot, it's an equal producer credit, huh?
Julian : Co-producer.
Lucas : Producer.
Julian : Just shoot. I can't believe I just gave you a producer credit. Here, hurry up and sign this before I change my mind.
Lucas : You know, talk to Peyton first.
Julian : You know what, my friend? That's exactly why this movie should be made. Lucas Scott and Peyton sawyer made it. They're together. It's inspiring. This contract is simply an option. It gives me exclusive rights to the book for six months to do everything I say I'm gonna do. If not, all the rights revert back to you.
Lucas : Yeah, I know. I called my agent, and he thinks I should sign it, too, but.
Julian : He's a smart guy.
Lucas : Okay. Six months.
Julian : We are about to get so drunk. I promise you this will go down in history as an epic day in your life, Lucas.
Lucas : I hope so. I got to go call Peyton.
Julian : Have her come meet us to celebrate.
Lucas : All right
AT CLOTHES OVER BROS
Owen : Thanks, buddy.
Jamie : I'm really sorry, aunt Brooke.
Brooke : It's okay, Jamie. It's not you I'm mad at.
Jamie : It's Sam, huh?
Brooke : Yeah. But I am a little bit mad at you. You should have told me that you were leaving the house tonight. You can't trust people when they're bad.
Jamie : I know. But Sam's not bad.
Brooke : I don't know about that, buddy.
Jamie : She's not. I think she's like Quentin was when mama met him. She's nice. She's just afraid to show it.
AT MOUTH'S OFFICE
Gigi : Hey. You need any help?
Mouth : No, I'm good. You should take off.
Gigi : Okay. Uh, see you tomorrow?
Mouth : Sure. Drive safe.
Gigi : Hey, a bunch of my friends are gonna meet up for drinks later if you want to go.
Mouth : Thanks. I should get home.
Gigi : Okay. I had a great day with you, Mouth. It felt like old times.
Mouth : Yeah, I had a great day, too.
Gigi : Well, you better get back to the old ball and chain. See you tomorrow.
AT SCOTT'S HOUSE
Haley : I'm getting worried about slamball.
Nathan : It's my fault. I underestimated the speed of this game. Some of these guys are great athletes. They're fast.
Haley : Well, you're gonna have to be faster, because I don't know if I can handle another game like the last one.
Nathan : I will be. 'Cause I know you're trusting me. I love you for that.
AT TRIC
Lucas : She's on her way. She's just running a little late.
Julian : Maybe there's another guy.
Lucas : Why did I sign that option again?
Julian : That reminds me ... I got to make a quick call. I'll be right back, okay?
Peyton : Hey, nice shot.
Lucas : Nice everything. Wow, you look hot.
Peyton : No, I don't. I was like a tornado at home. Um, where's this producer? I need to ply him with many questions.
Lucas : He had to make a call on his cell.
Peyton : Okay. Well, in that case, I'm gonna go check my handiwork.
Lucas : Oh. You look so hot.
Peyton : Bye.
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : I don't think detergent removes spray paint.
Sam : I know there's nothing I can say other than I'm sorry. I do these stupid things sometimes. I really am sorry, though. You were nice to me, but I'm just not worth it.
Brooke : And where do you think you're going?
Sam : I don't know.
Brooke : You're grounded.
Sam : You're not kicking me out?
Brooke : No. And I hope that someday, you stop acting surprised when you hear that. Now go to your room. Actually, go to my room, because the windows don't open.
Sam : Can I just say about the party ...
Brooke : Sam, I am so pissed off right now. Go.
Sam : I'm sorry, Jamie.
Jamie : I think it's kind of cool.
AT TRIC
Julian : You've gotten even more beautiful.
Peyton : What are you doing here, Julian?
Julian : Haven't you heard? I'm optioning your fiancé's book.
Peyton : Like hell you are.
Julian : Actually, it's already done. I'm quite charming. But you know that, baby.
Lucas : Hey. There you are. Well, I see you two have already met, huh?
Julian : Yes, we have. And you know what, Lucas? It feels like I've known her for years. | Plan: A: his book; Q: What is Lucas offered to turn into a movie? A: Peyton; Q: Who decides to organize a USO concert at Tric? A: Derek; Q: Who is Peyton's brother? A: Okkervil River; Q: What band did the episode "USO" come from? Summary: Lucas is offered to turn his book into a movie by someone his fiancée knows very well. Peyton meets her brother Derek and decides to organize a USO concert at Tric. This episode is named after a song by Okkervil River . |
ELIJAH: The Italians call them strega. The Yoruba of West Africa call them aje, meaning mother. Where my mother was from, they called them hexa, and here we call them witch. Over the centuries, vampires have fought them and fought beside them, bedded them and burned them. Whether adversary or ally, they have been a force to be reckoned with. Their ancestral magic anchors this city. There's never been one all-powerful witch until Davina.
KLAUS: Who is now tucked in safe and sound down the hall under my protection. Your Celeste was quite beautiful and a portent of evil according to our volatile artist in residence.
ELIJAH: Yes. Perhaps Davina's mistaken what she calls evil for power. Celeste was certainly very powerful in her day, but she's been dead for over 200 years. I don't understand. Why all these sketches now?
KLAUS: Why does any witch do anything?
DAVINA'S ROOM
DAVINA: Go away! (Makes Marcel fly against the wall.)
MARCEL: Come on. You got to be starving. You haven't eaten since--
DAVINA: Since your best friend killed my best friend?
MARCEL: Davina, I'm sorry about what happened to this kid Tim.
DAVINA: I'm sorry you don't hate Klaus for what he did or want to make him pay.
MARCEL: He'll pay for what he did one way or the other, but right now, I just want to make peace with you.
DAVINA: Why? So we can be one big happy frankenstein family?
ANOTHER ROOM
KLAUS: Well, that's going well.
ELIJAH: If you were trying to win the girl's trust, perhaps poisoning her one true love was not the most splendid idea.
KLAUS: Oh. Are there any more inopportune deaths you'd like to wave in my face?
ELIJAH: Give me a month. I'll get you list.
KLAUS: Young, old, dead, or alive, witches are a pain in the ass.
DAVINA'S ROOM
(Davina starts vomiting dirt)
MARCEL: Davina, Davina!
(Klaus enters)
KLAUS: What's with all the racket? Bloody hell.
ANOTHER ROOM
HAYLEY: Elijah? There's something you need to know.
(The house begins to shake, like there's an earthquake. Hayley and Elijah go to the balcony and see Rebekah)
REBEKAH: What the hell is going on?
KLAUS: Davina.
TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS
DAVINA'S ROOM
REBEKAH: Hey. What kind of game do you think you're playing? I said disrupt the household, not destroy the whole city.
DAVINA: I didn't do it. Not on purpose. I--I don't know what's wrong with me.
ANOTHER ROOM
KLAUS: This is madness. How can a 16-year-old girl shake the entire French quarter?
MARCEL: I've seen her rock the church, but I've never seen anything like this.
KLAUS: How did you control her when she was in the attic?
MARCEL: I didn't have to, but then I never killed her boyfriend.
KLAUS: Yes, yes. We've been over this part already. The point is in her present state she's useless as a tool against the witches.
MARCEL: She's not a tool.
KLAUS: Something's wrong with her.
ELIJAH: She has too much power that she cannot control. That much we already knew. But why is it manifesting itself in such an aggressive manner?
KLAUS: Where are you going?
ELIJAH: This is witch business. Let's ask a witch.
(Elijah meets Hayley outside the room)
HAYLEY: You're going to see Sophie.
ELIJAH: You don't have to eavesdrop. I keep nothing from you.
HAYLEY: Yeah. Well, I don't want to keep anything from you either, and if you're going out to see Sophie, then there's something that you should know. She called me and asked me for a favor. She promised me that she would help break the curse that Marcel put on my people in exchange for some information. And I didn't think anything of it, but then Davina started doing those pictures of Celeste--
ELIJAH: Whatever this is, you have to tell me.
HAYLEY: Sophie wanted to find Celeste's remains, so I went through your journals, and I found out where you buried her, and then I told her. I know it was stupid and it was snoopy, And I--I should have just asked you. Please say something. Please.
ELIJAH: She wanted to be left in peace. When a witch's remains are consecrated, that power fuels the rest of their community. Celeste did not want her remains to be found. She made me promise to bury her where she would not be found. You not only violated my privacy, You have broken my promise to her.
HAYLEY: I thought they were just bones, Elijah.
ELIJAH: If you truly believed that, why didn't you ask me where to find her?
CEMETERY
SOPHIE: If that's dinner, I pass.
SABINE: Sophie, where have you been?
SOPHIE: Short answer-- grave robbing. Stop whatever you're doing. We need to find Davina. I figured out a way to complete the harvest.
SABINE: What? How?
SOPHIE: We need an elder to do it, right? I figured out a way how to become one.
SABINE: Soph, you can't just become an elder. That power has to be bestowed upon you by the other elders, all of whom are dead. Following my logic?
SOPHIE: How about follow your history? I did research. In 1742, there was a witch massacre that wiped out all the elders, so they decided whoever consecrated the most powerful dead witch in the community became an elder. It worked for them.
SABINE: Teeny flaw. What powerful witch is even left for you to bury?
SOPHIE: Meet Celeste Marie-Hélène Dubois, Elijah Mikaelson's old lover. She was drowned in 1821 for being a witch. He buried her, never told anyone where.
SABINE: So how the hell did you find her?
SOPHIE: I bribed Hayley to read his journals, and then I dug her ass up so I could consecrate her bones and absorb her power.
SABINE: That's not disrespectful.
SOPHIE: Yeah? Well, we only have a couple more weeks to complete the harvest.
SABINE: Soph, I'm aware of our deadline, but--
SOPHIE: And if we fail, the witches are done for in this town. Our power will fade for good. Those girls sacrificed will never resurrect. My niece will never come back. If digging up some creepy old bones means I get Monique back, I don't care about anything else.
ELIJAH: I happen to care. You're coming with me.
THE ABATTOIR
ELIJAH: So you have stolen the remains of the very person that Davina's been drawing for months. Would you care to explain this startling coincidence?
SOPHIE: I can't. I didn't even know who Celeste Dubois was until I--
(The house shakes, like the apparent earthquake before)
SOPHIE: Was that Davina?
KLAUS: Charming little habit she's developed.
SOPHIE: And the earthquake I felt today?
REBEKAH: Also Davina, and she's taken to vomiting dirt.
SOPHIE: Oh. We have a huge problem. I thought that we had more time, but we need to complete the harvest now.
KLAUS: Said the desperate witch conveniently.
SOPHIE: I'm serious. That earthquake you just felt a preview of the disaster movie that is about to hit us.
ELIJAH: Why should we believe you?
SOPHIE: You've met Davina, you know her story. For months now, she's been holding all the power of the three girls sacrificed in the harvest ritual. A force that was meant to flow through her and back into the earth. One person was never meant to hold that much power. It's tearing her apart, and it will take us down with it.
THE FRENCH QUARTER - EXTERIOR
KLAUS: We need to prepare. According to Sophie Deveraux, as Davina self-destructs, she'll cycle through four stages that represent the four elements that bound together the harvest.
KIERAN: The earthquake?
KLAUS: Yes. Earth stage comes first.
DAVINA'S ROOM
REBEKAH: Then comes wind, and since each stage is more intense than the last, let's just say you'll blow the roof off this place.
OUTSIDE
KLAUS: Then after the wind is water.
KIERAN: Rain, flood. How bad?
KLAUS: Quite bad actually, but that's not the worst of it.
THE ABATTOIR
SOPHIE: The last stage is fire, and since it's the last
OUTSIDE
KLAUS: It will be by far the worst. But I didn't take over this town to watch it burn to the ground.
KIERAN: You can stop this, right?
KLAUS: Yes, but you're not gonna like how.
DAVINA'S ROOM
REBEKAH: They want to complete the harvest.
DAVINA: - No! - The witches say you'll be resurrected. They're liars! They'll say anything to get what they want Just like Marcel, just like you.
REBEKAH: Davina, you may think that I don't care about you, but you're wrong. I know what it's like to have your life stripped away from you because of other people's bad decisions. How do you think I became a vampire?
ANOTHER ROOM
ELIJAH: You've convinced my siblings. You have yet to convince us.
SOPHIE: We don't have time to waste. The first sign's already come and gone.
MARCEL: So fix her.
SOPHIE: She can't be fixed.
DAVINA'S ROOM
(Rebekah has a syringe)
DAVINA: What--what is that?
REBEKAH: The more upset you become, the faster you deteriorate. I compelled up some sedative.
DAVINA: No, no, no!
REBEKAH: We keep you calm, we keep you alive Davina.
DAVINA: - Stop! -
ANOTHER ROOM
SOPHIE: She can't be saved. This will not stop at the earth sign, and if you wait it out, you immortals will be the only ones left to argue about it.
DAVINA'S ROOM
DAVINA: No! Please! No! Please! Nooo!
(High winds blow through the Quarter. Rebekah finally injects the sedative and Davina goes unconscious. The wind stops)
ANOTHER ROOM
SOPHIE: Convinced now?
THE ABATTOIR
ELIJAH: We sedated her too heavily.
KLAUS: Well, if this is her sedated, I'd hate to see her otherwise. We all agreed that Davina must be sacrificed. There's no need to let her blow the roof off our heads in the meantime.
MARCEL: No way! You're not touching her!
KLAUS: Ok. I'll let you have that one.
ELIJAH: Marcel, no one wishes to see Davina come to harm less than I, but there is no scenario here in which we simply wait this out. She's going to die.
MARCEL: According to Sophie, the witch who screwed over everybody here.
ELIJAH: The harvest was working before it was stopped. If a nonbeliever like Sophie Deveraux can come to have faith that these girls will be resurrected, then I, also, am a believer.
MARCEL: I saved Davina from the harvest, and now you want me to just hand her over?
KLAUS: Do you think that I'm happy about this? If the witches complete the harvest, not only do they regain their power, we lose our weapon against them. The earthquake I was willing to chalk up to hideous coincidence, but these winds? If Davina is not sacrificed, then every inch of earth that shook, everything blowing about now will soon be drenched in water and consumed by fire.
MARCEL: Oh! Now you care about the city.
ELIJAH: We ought to. We built it.
KLAUS: And we all saw it burnt to the ground twice. I will not let that happen again. Do I make myself clear?
MARCEL: Yeah. Yeah.
(Marcel leaves)
ELIJAH: Not a people person, are you, Niklaus?
KLAUS: Nonsense. I love people. Just on my way to warn a couple of prominent ones in case the weather gets out of hand. If you fancy yourself as plus diplomatique, perhaps you'd like to come along.
ELIJAH: No. Soon Sophie Deveraux shall be consecrating Celeste's remains, and though her actions are reprehensible, still I should pay my respects.
HAYLEY: Hey. Do you have a minute?
ELIJAH: Just on my way out. KLAUS: Which one of us is the people person again?
ROUSSEAU'S
REBEKAH: Fat lot of good that will do.
SOPHIE: I don't really have time to socialize.
REBEKAH: Good. Neither do I. When you're done burying your witchy bits on sacred ground, are you prepared to perform the harvest? You do realize you have to slit a girl's throat, a very sweet girl as it turns out.
SOPHIE: If it means I get my niece Monique back, I can handle anything. Why are you really here?
REBEKAH: When all this is done, after Davina is resurrected and the witches get their power back, You'll have a decision to make.
SOPHIE: Enlighten me.
REBEKAH: A witch at her full power can trade body blows with a vampire punch for punch. Believe me, I know.
SOPHIE: So do I. Be nice to have a fair fight for a change.
REBEKAH: Well, fair only gets you so far, luv. Clever gets you further. After this, Marcel will still be here, and so will Klaus, and you know better than anyone that those two don't fight fair. You are going to need an original on your side, and I'm gonna need a witch on mine if we're gonna stop those two from running things.
SOPHIE: Am I missing something? Why would you side with me?
REBEKAH: Sometimes, what's more important is not who you're siding with but who you're siding against.
[SCENE_BREAK]
DAVINA'S ROOM
(Marcel remembers the night of the harvest)
:DAVINA: No, no! Let go of me! Stop it!
MARCEL: I got you. I got you right here.
VAMPIRE: Hey. Klaus said not to.
MARCEL: I'm done caring what Klaus says.
(Marcel snaps the guards' necks and takes Davina)
CEMETERY
SABINE: You don't have to be here for this. It's gonna take some time for Sophie to prepare for her consecration.
ELIJAH: I have time. I owe her this.
SABINE: Care to elaborate why?
ELIJAH: Have you ever experienced something so profound and wonderful that when it was taken from you your life felt unbearable?
SABINE: Yes, I have felt that, and I've got the scars to prove it.
ELIJAH: I believe that when you love someone and that person loves you in return you're uniquely vulnerable. They have a power to hurt you that's like nothing else.
(Elijah's phone rings and he answers it)
ELIJAH: Rebekah.
REBEKAH: He's taken the girl.
ELIJAH: Who has?
REBEKAH: Bloody, bloody Marcel!
KLAUS: And you wanted to run off and start a life with this back stabber.
REBEKAH: Says the man who was shacking up with him not two seconds before all this went down. Ok. We need to divide and conquer if we're gonna stand a chance. He could have gone anywhere.
ELIJAH: Well, I'm here with Sabine. Perhaps we could try a locator spell?
KLAUS: I'll talk to the priest. They might even be at the church. It's the last place we'd think to look for them, right?
REBEKAH: Ok. You check the church, I'll check everywhere else.
THE ABATTOIR
(Hayley
KLAUS: What are you doing?
HAYLEY: I was gonna take these to the
KLAUS: If you say, "bayou," I will find a nice comfy dungeon and throw you in it. This is not the night to be out there.
HAYLEY: For anyone. But some people don't have a choice.
KLAUS: Right. Grab that lot and come with me.
CEMETERY
SOPHIE: I consecrate these bones to the earth. Ancestors, hear me. I consecrate these bones to the earth. Ancestors, hear me.
INSIDE A MAUSOLEUM
SABINE: This isn't working.
ELIJAH: She's nowhere to be found.
SABINE: No. It's more like she's everywhere. She's hemorrhaging magic. That means we have less time than we thought. We have got to find her. I have no clue where she is.
ELIJAH: Please concentrate. Try again.
LOCATION NEAR THE DOCKS
(Davina wakes up and throws Marcel away with her magic)
MARCEL: I'm not gonna hurt you.
DAVINA: I don't believe you! You want to kill me just like everyone else.
MARCEL: I'm the one who put a protection spell on you, Davina. That's why Tim's dead and you're not. And before you throw me again, if I had known anything was gonna happen to your friend, I would have protected him, too.
DAVINA: You're the one who saved me?
MARCEL: Yeah, but now the witch who did the spell is in league with the rest of them, so I had to take you away.
DAVINA: So you could use me as a weapon?
MARCEL: I'm trying to keep you safe. Davina, look at me. I messed up. All this power that you have, it gave me an advantage. It helped me punish the witches, and it let me run the city, and I let that mean too much.
MARCEL: All right, but that's over with now. One survivor to another, all I want to do is keep you alive, I swear.
DAVINA: I'm scared. I don't know what's wrong with me.
MARCEL: You're not alone. We'll fix this.
DAVINA: You won't let them hurt me?
MARCEL: No. Nobody's gonna touch you.
ST. ANNE'S CHURCH
KIERAN: We still haven't gone through all that you've already provided, Klaus.
KLAUS: Well, this newest bit isn't from me.
KIERAN: Oh? That's very kind of you...?
HAYLEY: Hayley. And these people are?
KLAUS: I asked Father Kieran to give them shelter. He suffers from an incessant desire to do good. But now I need you to be useful. Marcel and Davina have disappeared. I assume from the stupefied look on your face they haven't sought refuge in your attic.
KIERAN: No. Those days are gone.
KLAUS: Then energize your resources. I don't need to remind you how important it is they be found.
KIERAN: Yes.
(Kieran leaves)
HAYLEY: These people, they're werewolves, and the priest, he said that you donated the food. You're helping them?
KLAUS:They're not your werewolves. They're my clan. From very far back. They've fallen upon hard times, and their plight has brought out the philanthropist in me. What can I say? Must be Elijah's influence.
HAYLEY: What do you mean your clan?
KLAUS: The blood that runs in their veins runs in mine. And in our child's.
HAYLEY: This family gets more complicated by the second.
KLAUS: Listen, Hayley, word of advice when dealing with Elijah. Don't do as I do. Just apologize. He's accomplished in many things, but he is a master of forgiveness.
CEMETERY
SABINE: Ok. Oh, ok. She's somewhere near the river. I can't be more specific.
ELIJAH: It's something. It's a start.
SOPHIE: It didn't work. I tried to consecrate her and absorb her magic, but there's nothing there.
ELIJAH: I don't understand. A witch's magic is infused in her bones until consecrated.
SOPHIE: Well, then someone's already taken it because there's nothing there.
ELIJAH: Has to be another way.
SABINE: There is no other way.
SOPHIE: Unless you know of some superpowerful dead which whose bones were never consecrated, it's over.
ELIJAH: There is someone else actually. Our mother.
THE ABATTOIR
REBEKAH: It's taken 1,000 years, but you've finally gone mad. Our own mother?
ELIJAH: Yes, our beloved mother, who Niklaus has affectionately placed in a coffin in his basement, not daggered but quite dead.
KLAUS: Well, she did try to kill us all.
ELIJAH: Well, I say we put her to use and put her to rest once and for all. Now if we bury our mother on land owned by one of her descendents, she becomes a New Orleans witch, and we as her family share in that ancestral magic.
REBEKAH: We're vampires, Elijah. We can't practice magic or own property for that matter.
ELIJAH: Yes. With regard to practicing magic
CEMETERY
SOPHIE: That's where I come in. After they bury their mother, They can channel all her power to me. Only hitch is as conduits of Esther's magic, they need to participate in the harvest.
THE ABATTOIR
ELIJAH: And as for owning property Not all of our mother's descendents are dead.
KLAUS: The baby.
ELIJAH: The baby. The parish tax assessor's office is just steps outside of the quarter. Hayley now holds the title to the plantation. So if we bury our mother there and we consecrate those grounds, we can finish the harvest ritual. KLAUS: You're a bit of a mad genius, Elijah. Count me in.
REBEKAH: Am I the only one thinking? Our mother was the most powerful witch in history. If we bury her, we hand that power to our enemies to use against us.
ELIJAH: Given our circumstances, I hardly see that we have a choice, Rebekah.
REBEKAH: I don't know why I bother. You two will just do what you want anyway.
ELIJAH: No. Our decision must be unanimous.
KLAUS: This is not a democracy.
ELIJAH: You're quite right. This is family. Water. The next sign's begun. Rebekah?
REBEKAH: Kill a demon today, face the devil tomorrow. Count me in.
KLAUS: Well, this is no family reunion without our mother. I'll fetch her.
THE GARDEN
THIERRY: So much for your grand schemes of using Davina for revenge.
REBEKAH: Survival first, plots to overthrow my brother second. Where would Marcel hide something precious to him?
THIERRY: You think I'm just gonna offer that up so you can leave me here to rot? Water runs downhill. You think I have to have drowned before to know how much that will suck.
REBEKAH: Fire kills vampires, Thierry. You think burning to ash will be pleasant? Look. I am not forsaking you. I promise to live up to my end of the deal. I'll get you out of here when all of this is done. Just tell me where Marcel would go.
THIERRY: There's a place by the docks.
LOCATION NEAR THE DOCKS
DAVINA: If I can just wait it out a few more weeks... Help me, please.
MARCEL: I will, and when it's over, I'll do what I should have done-- get you out of town.
DAVINA: I had a dream that Tim wasn't dead. He played a song that he wrote for me, and he kissed me, and we were just normal.
REBEKAH: That sounds like a beautiful dream.
MARCEL: What are you doing here?
REBEKAH: But it was just a dream.
MARCEL: Get out!
REBEKAH: This is killing her. Your stubbornness will mean her death.
MARCEL: I promised her I'd fight for her. I'm not breaking that promise.
REBEKAH: No one is asking you not to fight. You're the only family that this girl has. You owe it to her to fight for her to live.
CEMETERY
KLAUS: Did you find them? Will he bring her?
REBEKAH: He'll bring her.
KIERAN: Are you ready to do this?
KLAUS: Always and forever.
(Klaus takes a dagger out and slices open his hand, and hands it to Rebekah. She does the same, then Elijah, then Hayley. Kieran takes the dagger and throws it into Esther's grave)
KIERAN: It's done.
LOCATION NEAR THE DOCKS
DAVINA: Marcel, it's ok.
MARCEL: No. I failed you.
DAVINA: I'll die whether I do this or not. I mean, now the only option is-- is whether I take everyone with me. If you look at it that way, it's kind of selfish not to do it.
MARCEL: There has to be another way. This is not how it ends.
DAVINA: And if it is... If this is all I have, I've had a lot. I had Monique, and I had Tim And I had someone who fought for me from the moment you met me.
MARCEL: Ah, Davina.
DAVINA: Most people don't get that even if they live to be a hundred. Marcel, I'm ready.
THE CEMETERY
(Flames erupt on the ground)
SOPHIE: Fire.
(Marcel is carrying Davina over and sets her down. Sophie puts a blade into the flames and walks toward Davina)
SOPHIE: Do you believe in the harvest?
DAVINA: I believe.
(Sophie slits Davina's throat. Davina falls back and Marcel catches her in his arms and lays her down. It stops raining. The magic leaves Davina's body.)
SOPHIE: After the harvest comes the reaping. Their sacrifices made and accepted. We call upon our elders to resurrect the chosen ones. (nothing happens.) We call upon our elders to resurrect the chosen ones... Resurrect your chosen ones... Please? I beg... No!
(Sophie starts sobbing, Marcel looks toward Klaus with look of hatred, then speed vamps away.)
THE ABATTOIR
(Klaus comes upon Marcel throwing things)
KLAUS: That won't bring her back, you know.
MARCEL: This is YOUR fault! I should have never let you anywhere near her!
KLAUS: Marcel.
MARCEL: This city was fine before you came. We were fine! Davina was safe, she was in control! If you hadn't gotten her worked up, if you hadn't killed that boy!
KLAUS: My condolences the girl is gone. But don't lose perspective. We still have our community. The vampires of this town...
MARCEL: I don't CARE about the vampires! She is dead! Do you hear me?!
(Klaus hugs Marcel.)
KLAUS: I'm sorry. You may think I know nothing of your grief, but you are wrong. In the days after I fled this city, I thought you were dead. It was years before I could speak your name, so keenly did I feel that loss. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
THE FRENCH QUARTER - EXTERIOR
HAYLEY: Are you ready to forgive me yet?
ELIJAH: It's not that easy, Hayley.
HAYLEY: Elijah, I was wrong to go through your journals, I was wrong to tell Sophie about Celeste, but after everything that happened today, I don't know why we can't see past this.
ELIJAH: And you of all people should know why. During my fever in the bayou, you were inside my mind. You know what Celeste means to me.
HAYLEY: Don't you mean meant to you?
ELIJAH: No. Do you have any idea how rare love is? In a thousand years, I have found it but twice, and when I have, I have honored it.
HAYLEY: I know what a promise means to you, Elijah, but you made it 200 years ago. I live in the now. If I feel something, I act. If I want something, I take it. I won't choose the dead over the living, so why are you? I'm sorry, Elijah.
THE ABATTOIR
KLAUS: This whole thing was doomed from the start, you know? Yes, we saved the city, and I'm not complaining about the witches losing their power, but this did not go down the way I thought it would. You surprised me, though. You were quite resourceful today. How did you find them down at the docks?
REBEKAH: You're not the only one with clever little spies in the quarter, Nik. KLAUS: Sometimes I think I don't give you your due, little sister.
REBEKAH: I knew Elijah's plan was mad, but I really thought it would work.
KLAUS: So did I. I was sure Davina would survive. There was so much life in her.
REBEKAH: What about the power? Four were supposed to rise, and none did. Where did all that power go?
CEMETERY
(Sabine conducts a spell with a small doll. Three people in various locations rise from the dead, and walk until they meet one another.)
GENEVIEVE: Why are we here?
PAPA TUNDE: Someone brought us forth. Who?
SABINE: I did.
BASTIANNA: Sabine! What's the meaning of this?
SABINE: Bastiana, I've had to endure people calling me "Sabine" for almost a year now. I'd appreciate it if you'd call me by my real name-- Celeste. | Plan: A: Elijah; Q: Who suggests that Sophie use their mother's bones to make her an elder? A: the premonition; Q: What do Elijah and Klaus try to learn more about Celeste by Davina? A: Hayley; Q: Who told Elijah about Celeste's remains? A: Sophie; Q: Who is able to finish the ritual and kill Davina? A: Elijah confronts Sophie; Q: Who finds out that Davina's powers might threaten everyone? A: Harvest; Q: What is the name of the ritual that Sophie must complete to stop Davina? A: Also, Rebekah; Q: Who asks Sophie if she would want to form an alliance against Klaus and Marcel? A: the four girls; Q: Who does not resurrect after the ritual? A: Sabine's body; Q: Celeste has possessed what? A: unknown reason; Q: Why does Celeste bring back three powerful witches? Summary: Elijah and Klaus try to learn more about the premonition of Celeste by Davina. Hayley tells Elijah that she told Sophie about Celeste's remains. When Elijah confronts Sophie she finds out that Davina's powers might threaten everyone and the only way to stop her is to finish the "Harvest" ritual. Also, Rebekah who is trying to make more alliances talks to Sophie and asks if she would want to form an alliance against Klaus and Marcel. On the other hand, Celeste's bones can't make Sophie an elder, so Elijah suggests to use their mother's. Sophie is then able to finish the ritual and she kills Davina, but none of the four girls resurrect. In the end, Sabine, who really is Celeste (Celeste has possessed Sabine's body) brings back three powerful witches for unknown reason. |
THE CLAWS OF AXOS
BY: BOB BAKER & DAVE MARTIN
5:15pm - 5:40pm
[SCENE_BREAK]
1: SPACE
(A distant object moves through the vastness of space. Elongated with a round middle, it moves swiftly towards its destination.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
2: EXT. RADAR DISH (DAWN)
(A turning radar dish points to the dawn sky.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
3: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM
(The results of its scan appear on a screen in UNIT HQ's tracking room. A uniformed RADAR OPERATOR monitors this and the other read-outs...)
1st RADAR OPERATOR: Twenty-five MPS...one million miles...mass - variable.
(A 2nd RADAR OPERATOR sits back with a coffee and a satisfied smile.)
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: Well, if that's its course, we've discovered a comet. Run another course check.
(The 1st OPERATOR does so, but...)
1st RADAR OPERATOR: It's altered its course!
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: It can't have.
1st RADAR OPERATOR: Oh, yes it can, mate! You can say goodbye to your comet, 'cause whatever that thing is...
(He reaches for a phone.)
1st RADAR OPERATOR: It's on collision course and heading straight for Earth!
[SCENE_BREAK]
4: SPACE
(The object of their attention is unlike any other spacecraft. Organic in looks with a skin-like hue, its forward end looks like a circular segmented doorway. The main part of the craft has folds and ridges.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
5: INT. AXOS
(Inside are creatures from a nightmare. Bipedal in form, they are a mass of seething red and orange tentacles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
6: SPACE
(The craft approaches Earth...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
7: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(A suited, white-haired bespectacled man opens a blue file which has "TOP SECRET" embellished on its cover. He leafs through its contents. A few feet away, BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART leans on a filing cabinet and watches with an amused smile on his face. There are several other civilians in the room, also going through the BRIGADIER'S files. The man with the glasses puts down the file in exasperation.)
CHINN: Nothing!
(He walks over to the BRIGADIER.)
CHINN: Nothing at all.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No.
CHINN: Brigadier, as head of this committee of enquiry, I must remind you of the Defence Ministry ruling.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Mr. Chinn, as head of UNIT, I must remind you, that we're not in the Ministry of Defence.
(CHINN starts to quote from procedure...)
CHINN: "All personnel must be properly screened..."
(The BRIGADIER joins him in finishing the quote...)
CHINN & BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: "And scrupulously filed."
CHINN: As an elementary security precaution, I must insist upon a file for this..."Doctor"...erm, whatisname.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Smiles.) I'm sorry, Mr. Chinn - I am personally responsible for the Doctor.
CHINN: (Outraged.) Typical! Absolutely typical! That's the kind of high-handed attitude one's come to expect from the UN recently.
(CHINN seems to calm down for a moment...)
CHINN: Now, Brigadier, what about this Doctor? I gather he's not a British subject.
(...but his cajoling tone quickly turns to anger as he storms across the room, shouting...)
CHINN: Then who is he and where does he come from!
(CHINN halts in front of the double doors which suddenly open hitting him from behind. The subject of CHINN'S anger enters.)
DOCTOR: Good morning...
(The DOCTOR catches sight of CHINN. He seems to sum him up in one glance.)
DOCTOR: (Coldly.) Oh...Good morning.
[SCENE_BREAK]
8: INT. UNIT HQ. CORRIDOR
(JO walks along the corridor with another visitor to UNIT HQ - a young American named BILL FILER.)
JO: I gather Washington think its time the Master was dealt with?
FILER: Ah, something like that.
JO: And you're going to deal with him? Single handed?
FILER: (Smiles.) Yeah!
(FILER laughs.)
FILER: No, no, that was Errol Flynn.
JO: Who?
FILER: (Giving up.) Ah, forget it.
(The two walk on. A series of alarm lights mounted on the corridor wall suddenly start to flash.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
9: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(A quietly furious DOCTOR has reached the end of his limited patience with CHINN'S "inquiry".)
DOCTOR: My dear Mr. Chinn, If I could leave I would. If only to get away from people like you!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Warning.) Doctor...
(The DOCTOR slams the desk.)
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) And your petty obsessions! "England for the English!" Good heavens, man!
CHINN: (Shouts.) I have a duty to my country!
DOCTOR: (Shouts.) Not to the world?!
(The doors open again and JO and BILL walk in.)
JO: Good morning! Oh, I'm sorry, has the conference started?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: No, not yet.
JO: This is Bill Filer from Washington HQ.
(The BRIGADIER reaches out to shake hands.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
10: INT. UNIT HQ. CORRIDOR
(The alarm lights are still flashing as CAPTAIN YATES and SERGEANT BENTON walk down the corridor.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: What is it? Do you know?
SERGEANT BENTON: No idea, sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
11: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(The conference in the office continues with all concerned ignoring the presence of CHINN.)
DOCTOR: There's no point in discussing the Master. I keep telling you - he's left Earth by now.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: We can't be certain of that, Doctor. We must keep on looking.
CHINN: Master? Who is the Master?
(FILER starts to open his briefcase.)
FILER: I, er, I have a report here, Brigadier. (To CHINN.) It's, er, it's classified I'm afraid, sir.
CHINN: (Pompously.) Then I must insist upon staying!
FILER: I'm sorry, sir. You have no clearance.
CHINN: On the contrary, for the duration of this enquiry, I've been guaranteed full access to...
FILER: (Interrupting.) Not by us, sir.
CHINN: This has nothing to do with Washington!
FILER: (Firmly.) I'm sorry, sir, you are a security risk!
(FILER'S look ends the argument but there is an icy silence.)
DOCTOR: Yes, well, erm...
(An alarm bell suddenly rings and two lights mounted on the wall start to flash. The BRIGADIER runs towards the door as YATES enters.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: UFO, sir! Coming in fast!
[SCENE_BREAK]
12: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM
(The tracking room has become a hive of activity.)
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: UFO...bearing two zero nine. Five hundred miles and closing.
SERGEANT BENTON: ITS, sir, report sightings confirmed.
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: Velocity - twenty MPS...
SERGEANT BENTON: Houston HAL tracking.
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: ...decreasing.
SERGEANT BENTON: Hawaii HAL tracking.
(The BRIGADIER'S part enters the room. YATES goes to BENTON as the BRIGADIER starts to look at the read-outs himself, closely followed by a fussing CHINN.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: What__?
SERGEANT BENTON: Negative ... , we're running ICBM checks, sir.
CHINN: ICBM? What ICBM? Brigadier, what's going on here?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: An unidentified flying object appears to be heading for Earth, Mr. Chinn. Shouldn't you be in touch with your Ministry?
(CHINN snaps his fingers at the 2nd RADAR OPERATOR.)
CHINN: Oh, erm, telephone, quickly man, quick!
(The OPERATOR reaches for his phone but the BRIGADIER quickly stops him.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Captain Yates...
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Show Mr. Chinn the direct line.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (Puzzled.) Direct line?
(The BRIGADIER gestures impatiently at the outer office.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: In there!
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Oh, yes, sir. (To CHINN.) Er, this way, sir.
(CHINN follows him to the outer office. Once he is out of the way, the DOCTOR takes his place in front of the console with the read-outs.)
1st RADAR OPERATOR: Course changing - two zero seven...two zero six.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, Doctor, what is it?
DOCTOR: I've no idea.
1st RADAR OPERATOR: Two zero five.
(The DOCTOR looks at the read-outs.)
DOCTOR: "Variable mass"? That's interesting.
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: Orbital flight path...
(He turns a switch.)
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: ...now!
(JO runs forward from the doorway where she has been stood with FILER.)
JO: Is it going to hit us?
1st RADAR OPERATOR: UFO entering atmosphere - now.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Compute target area.
1st RADAR OPERATOR: Check.
(A computer chatters away. At the same time, the DOCTOR quickly starts to mutter his own calculations, watched by an amazed 2nd RADAR OPERATOR. He quickly reaches his answer.)
DOCTOR: Yes - somewhere on the south-east coast, I should imagine.
[SCENE_BREAK]
13: EXT. SHORE
(The untidy figure of a tramp - PIGBIN JOSH - scurries past a series of small fishing boats which lie next to the exposed beach. Muttering to himself, JOSH puts a cloth bag over the handlebars of a bike and an empty bottle into the bag. He sets off on the bike.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
14: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM OUTER OFFICE
(CHINN puts the "direct line" down.)
CHINN: Brigadier!
[SCENE_BREAK]
15: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM
(The BRIGADIER is still looking at the radar screens. With a look of impatience he moves off to the outer office.)
1st RADAR OPERATOR: South Atlantic - moving north. Bearing now - zero two zero.
[SCENE_BREAK]
16: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM OUTER OFFICE
(CHINN addresses the BRIGADIER watched by the others.)
CHINN: The Minister wants all these facilities linked up to strike force immediately. I have full authority.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yates?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: All taken care of, sir.
CHINN: (Satisfied.) Oh, good.
(YATES goes over to a series of three monitor screens which he switches on. The DOCTOR sits on the other side of the room with his back to the others, deep in thought. The monitors show the radar screen and shots of a missile launching site.)
MISSILE SITE OPERATIVE: (OOV: Over tannoy.) ...one - cleared. Flight path - green one - cleared.
CHINN: Yes, good. (To BENTON.) Er, get me station command, will you?
SERGEANT BENTON: Yes sir.
(BENTON dials a phone and hands it to CHINN.)
MISSILE SITE OPERATIVE: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Strike unit .....
CHINN: (Into phone.) Ah, Chinn here - MOD. You know I'm coordinating this operation, don't you? Well, I want you to be ready to destroy this thing the moment I give the word. (He listens.) Oh, you are ready...good, well, standby then.
(JO and FILER exchange a glance. An annoyed DOCTOR walks up to the BRIGADIER.)
DOCTOR: All set to destroy it, Brigadier? Whatever it is?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Uncomfortably.) Just a precaution, Doctor.
DOCTOR: I see. "Shoot first and think afterwards" - is that it?
MISSILE SITE OPERATIVE: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Strike unit ...
(The phone rings on CORPORAL BELL'S desk as the FIRST RADAR OPERATOR hands BENTON a note. He reads it out.)
SERGEANT BENTON: "Major nuclear powers deny missile launching - surveillance confirm".
(BELL puts the phone down after receiving her report.)
CORPORAL BELL: Estimated target area - England, south-east coast.
(The BRIGADIER and YATES look at a smiling and satisfied DOCTOR.)
CORPORAL BELL: There's a report in from the MET office, sir. There are freak weather conditions over the whole area.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Explain.
CORPORAL BELL: Sudden snowstorms, sir. Dense fog's covering the area.
[SCENE_BREAK]
17: EXT. SHORE ROAD
(Indeed the whole of the shoreline is covered with a scattering of snow and the horizon is lost in a mist as PIGBIN JOSH'S bicycle comes to a halt. He has spotted some "treasure" on a rubbish heap and clambers over to it to look closer. It is a child's bicycle. Muttering to himself, he examines the bike, sees that it is too small to replace his own, kicks it and throws it away.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
18: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: UFO over airline flight path green one. All civil aircraft scattered.
[SCENE_BREAK]
19: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM OUTER OFFICE
(The voice of the 2nd OPERATOR mingles with that of Missile Station Command over the tannoy in the outer office. The gathered people watch CHINN on the phone to Station Command.)
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: (OOV: Over tannoy.) ETA sixty seconds, repeat: sixty seconds.
MISSILE SITE OPERATIVE: (OOV: Over tannoy.) ... now.
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Airborne interceptors closing.
CHINN: (Into phone.) Missile strike now! Commit now! (He listens.) Yes, commander - now!
(On the monitors, a missile can be seen launching.)
1st RADAR OPERATOR: (OOV: Over tannoy.) ... steady. Velocity decreasing, decreasing, increasing.
CHINN: A perfect sitting target!
DOCTOR: (Coldly.) Hardly seems sporting, does it?
(They continue to watch the approaching missile, until...)
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: (OOV: Over tannoy.) Contact lost! Contact lost!
(They all rush into the small tracking room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
20: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: It's gone, sir!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: What, destroyed?
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: No, you don't understand - it's disappeared, sir, and the missiles haven't reached it yet!
(The DOCTOR turns to CHINN who is stood next to him - his face a picture of indecision...)
DOCTOR: (Concerned.) Don't you think you'd better abort?
(CHINN looks nervously at the radar screen...)
DOCTOR: What goes up must come down again.
(...which continues to show nothing.)
DOCTOR: The warheads! (Shouts.) Abort, man, abort!
(The DOCTOR grabs the civil servant and practically throws him into to outer office...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
21: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM OUTER OFFICE
(...where YATES has Station Command on the phone. CHINN grabs the receiver.)
CHINN: (Into phone.) Abort mission! Destruct, destruct, destruct!
(On the radar and monitors, the missiles blow up.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
22: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM
(A look of relief appears on the BRIGADIER'S face...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
23: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM OUTER OFFICE
(...which is echoed by his colleagues in the next room.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
24: EXT. SHORE ROAD
(JOSH'S journey continues. Still muttering to himself, he cycles down the coast road.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
25: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well?
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: Still no trace of the UFO, sir.
(The BRIGADIER slams the console in impatience.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: It can't have disappeared.
CORPORAL BELL: (OOV: From outer office.) ITSN report total radar contact lost.
(The BRIGADIER walks through and joins the others.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
26: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM OUTER OFFICE
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, Doctor? Where's it gone?
DOCTOR: Gone? It hasn't gone anywhere, Brigadier. It's just arriving!
[SCENE_BREAK]
27: EXT. SHORE ROAD
(Still muttering to his lonely self, JOSH cycles his unsteady course through the mist. Suddenly a roaring sound fills the sky and JOSH is blinded by a fierce light. He cries out in pain and is momentarily held fast in the powerful beam. He cycles off the road, through the snow and into a pool of freezing water. Muttering oaths, he splashes angrily in the pool, at the side of which is a road sign which reads "Nuton Power Complex. 1 Mile".)
[SCENE_BREAK]
28: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(The UNIT group and their guests have returned back to the BRIGADIER'S office where CHINN berates a silent DOCTOR.)
CHINN: We have to assume that it is hostile. It's landed right by the national power complex - Britain's entire power supply is menaced!
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Into phone.) Right.
(The BRIGADIER puts the phone down. CHINN turns to him.)
CHINN: Brigadier, in accordance with the Emergency Powers Act...
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Interrupting.) All right, Mr. Chinn, all right. (To CAPTAIN YATES.) Yates?
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: All available personnel to the assembly area.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir. (To BENTON.) Sergeant?
(The two move back to the tracking room outer office.)
CHINN: I'm treating this as a national emergency...
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Yes, yes, so am I. (To the DOCTOR.) Doctor?
(The BRIGADIER follows his men. CHINN follows him.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
29: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM OUTER OFFICE
CHINN: (To the BRIGADIER.) From now on, you are to consider yourself under my orders.
(The BRIGADIER stops and turns. He stares impassively at CHINN who returns the look, as if daring him to argue.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
30: INT. UNIT HQ. BRIGADIER'S OFFICE
(FILER has been watching proceedings.)
FILER: Er, Brigadier.
(He too moves to the outer office.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
31: INT. UNIT HQ. TRACKING ROOM OUTER OFFICE
FILER: Where do you want me?
(CHINN turns on him.)
CHINN: Mr. Filer - this is an internal matter - your presence is not necessary. If you don't leave immediately, I shall have to have you arrested.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Outraged.) Mr. Chinn!
(He storms across the office.)
FILER: No, no, no, it's all right, it's all right, Brigadier. Well goodbye, Mr. Chinn.
(He goes to the door...)
FILER: Take care.
(...and leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
32: EXT. AXOS LANDING SITE
(JOSH walks his bicycle along to where he saw the light. As he crosses over a ridge, he stops, drops the bike and stares in astonishment. Sticking out of the shingle is the only part of the ship that has not been buried in the ground - the circular segmented doorway. A light shines through the almost closed centre from within.)
PIGIN JOSH: Ooh-ar! Ooh-ar!
(JOSH scurries down into the dip where the ship lies. He stops, mutters and scurries round the doorway. As he does so. The segments expand outwards and the door opens, revealing a misty orange interior. A snake-lie tendril comes out of the ship as JOSH completes his circular tour of the object. It grabs him by the wrists and pulls him towards the entrance. JOSH falls to the ground and, crying out, is pulled into the ship.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
33: EXT. ROAD
(FILER drives towards the Nuton complex. He turns on his car radio and re-tunes it to pick up the UNIT radio signals.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: (OOV: Over radio.) UFO sector confirmed as area north sector, national power complex. All vehicles, repeat: all vehicles, RV this area, out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
34: INT. AXOS. PRISON CHAMBER
(JOSH lies is an organic colourful chamber. Its walls resemble a fleshy interior instead of flat panels. He is held fast by tendrils that grow out of the wall and floor and pulsing noises fill the air. A disembodied voice speaks.)
VOICE OF AXOS: Analysis pattern reveals...locomotor facility normal, sensory receptors acute, intelligence atypical.
[SCENE_BREAK]
35: EXT. SHORE ROAD
(FILER'S car screeches to a halt by the side of the snow covered area. He gets out and runs over to where he finds JOSH'S abandoned bike.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
36: INT. AXOS. PRISON CHAMBER
(Its owner is still held fast as the mental analysis continues...)
VOICE OF AXOS: This specimen is valueless - absorb, process and eject.
(The frightened and wide-eyed tramp sits up as a physical force starts to drain the life out of his body.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
37: EXT. AXOS LANDING SITE
(FILER stands before the entrance to Axos. As he approaches the object, the UNIT convoy made up of jeeps, motorcycles and the mobile HQ appears on the distant horizon and the klaxon-like alarm from the Nuton complex echoes over the empty landscape. FILER turns to look at it and therefore fails to notice the tendril as it again comes out of Axos and takes its second victim. FILER falls to the ground. Meanwhile, the convoy comes to a stop next to his car. UNIT troops are shouted out of the vehicles to take positions near to the spaceship. The DOCTOR, JO, the BRIGADIER and YATES walks towards the green mobile HQ van as a black limousine stops nearby and CHINN and two other figures get out.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
38: INT. AXOS. PRISON CHAMBER
(FILER struggles in the same tendrils that held JOSH before him. His face creases in pain as the mental analysis takes place again.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
39: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ
CHINN: Sir George, this is Lethbridge Stewart.
(The BRIGADIER steps forward to meet his visitors. HARDIMAN is an elderly establishment-type suited figure.)
HARDIMAN: Brigadier, this is Winser, head of research.
(WINSER, a younger studious type, dressed in polo neck sweater and jacket, nods.)
WINSER: I hope you're not contemplating an attack - so close to the labs?
(The DOCTOR, previously studying the consoles within the HQ, turns and listens.)
HARDIMAN: You realise this complex provides power for the whole of Britain? An attack would be disastrous.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: An attack? By whom, Sir George? We have no idea what we're up against. We must take these precautions.
CHINN: I've arranged with the army for full artillery support.
DOCTOR: Artillery? Well, your missiles couldn't find their target. What chance Bazooka's?
(CHINN bridles.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Er, Sir George, Professor Winser, the Doctor is our scientific advisor.
(WINSER looks in astonishment at the eccentrically dressed figure.)
DOCTOR: Well, as far as I can gather with these primitive instruments here, the device has buried itself deep underground. So there's not much that anybody can do about it. Even if it is a bomb.
HARDIMAN: But you don't think it is?
WINSER: Perhaps I could, er, check the readings?
DOCTOR: Yes, please do.
(The DOCTOR passes him a clipboard. JO, who has been looking at one of the read-outs, cries out.)
JO: Doctor, look!
(On one of the monitors, a pulsing oscilloscope type pattern is displayed.)
DOCTOR: You know, I would have said that that was a heartbeat.
[SCENE_BREAK]
40: INT. AXOS. PRISON CHAMBER
(The analysis of FILER concludes...)
VOICE OF AXOS: Intelligent, aggressive, possibly dangerous. Hold for further investigation.
[SCENE_BREAK]
41: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ
(The 2nd RADAR OPERATOR, wearing headphones, turns from his console.)
2nd RADAR OPERATOR: Brigadier, something's coming through.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Well, let's hear it.
(The OPERATOR switches the signal through to a loudspeaker. The people in the room react with amazement at what they hear...)
VOICE OF AXOS: (Through loudspeaker.) ...Earth. Axos calling Earth. Fuel systems exhausted. Request immediate assistance, immediate assistance. Axos calling Earth, Axos calling Earth. Fuel system exhausted.
(The VOICE tails off.)
DOCTOR: (To CHINN.) More of a cry for help than a threat, wouldn't you say?
CHINN: Brigadier, we can't wait any longer. We must attack now before they have time to reorganise their defences!
(The DOCTOR steps forward.)
DOCTOR: Before you start annihilating the thing, why don't we just take a look at it?
HARDIMAN: I agree.
(JO starts for the door but the DOCTOR holds her back.)
DOCTOR: Jo...I'm sorry, not this time.
(JO steps back. The DOCTOR steps outside.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Captain Yates.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir?
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Stay here and act as liaison. (Quietly.) Keep an eye on Miss Grant.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Sir.
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: Sergeant Benton, check the perimeter guard.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
42: EXT. AXOS LANDING SITE
(The entrance to Axos opens and the VOICE emits from within. The DOCTOR, the BRIGADIER, CHINN, HARDIMAN and WINSER stand before it.)
VOICE OF AXOS: Axos calling Earth - request immediate assistance. Axos calling Earth.
DOCTOR: Right, Gentlemen. Shall we go in?
(Watched by the armed UNIT troops who stand guard on the site, the five men enter the craft and the doors close...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
42: INT. AXOS. ENTRANCE PASSAGE
(They look in wonder at their surroundings - an organic passage that resembles the inside of an intestine.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
43: EXT. AXOS LANDING SITE
(Outside, SERGEANT BENTON runs back to the mobile HQ...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
44: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ
(...where YATES is in the middle of an argument with JO.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: It's no good going on at me, Jo. You heard the Brigadier - he made it perfectly clear that...
(BENTON bursts in, out of breath.)
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: What is it, Benton?
SERGEANT BENTON: Sir, we've found body, sir.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Where?
SERGEANT BENTON: Over by the north perimeter and we've found a car too - a big Yankee job.
CAPTAIN MIKE YATES: Come on then, you'd better show me.
SERGEANT BENTON: Right, sir.
(They head for the door. JO beats them to it.)
SERGEANT BENTON: No, Miss, I wouldn't go if I were you.
(She nods meekly.)
JO: All right. I'll stay here.
(She sits down as the two soldiers leave.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
45: EXT. AXOS LANDING SITE
(YATES and BENTON approach the body of PIGBIN JOSH. YATES looks down for a moment, then kneels and touches JOSH'S forehead. The entire face starts to fall in on itself, as if the outer body is a mere shell with the internal organs drained away. YATES and BENTON look on half stunned.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
46: INT. UNIT MOBILE HQ
(A look of cunning on her face. JO goes to the door.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
47: EXT. AXOS LANDING SITE
(She checks that the coast is clear and leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
48: INT. AXOS. PASSAGEWAY
(The five men make their way down a passage which is covered in tendrils, membranes and tendon-like protuberances. They make their way through one particular membrane which separates the passageway...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
49: INT. AXOS. INNER CHAMBER
(Their progress is seen on the wall of an inner chamber. An eye-like object turns and watches them.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
50: INT. AXOS. PASSAGEWAY
(The DOCTOR is the last through the membrane. He suddenly gasps in pain as he starts to suffer a mental assault...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
51: EXT. AXOS LANDING SITE
(JO walks through the cordon of soldiers and approaches the spacecraft. The doors open to allow her to enter.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
52: INT. AXOS. PASSAGEWAY
(The analysis of the DOCTOR causes him intense pain...)
VOICE OF AXOS: ... subject non-typical. Investigate, investigate - Analysis pattern investigates extra-terrestrial. Investigate.
(The DOCTOR struggles in the force-field that holds him. His voice is no more than a gasp...)
DOCTOR: Brigadier...Brigadier...!
(He sees the BRIGADIER holding out his hands in help, his mouth moving - but no words reach him...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
53: EXT. AXOS LANDING SITE
(JO walks cautiously into Axos. The doors close.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
54: INT. AXOS. PASSAGEWAY
(The analysis ends. The DOCTOR gasps and holds his head in pain. The BRIGADIER rushes forward.)
BRIGADIER LETHBRIDGE STEWART: (Concerned.) Are you all right, Doctor?
DOCTOR: (Quietly.) Yes, I suppose so. I must say this place is full of surprises, isn't it? Let's see what else we can find.
(They set off, the DOCTOR receiving concerned enquiry's from WINSER and HARDIMAN.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
55: INT. AXOS. PRISON CHAMBER
(Lying on the floor, FILER struggles in the grip of the tendrils.)
FILER: Help! Help!
(He suddenly sees that he is not the only prisoner in the chamber. Stood against a wall but similarly held fast by tendrils is a dark suited bearded figure - the MASTER!)
[SCENE_BREAK]
56: INT. AXOS. PASSAGEWAY
(JO slowly makes her way through Axos. FILER'S shouts reach her.)
FILER: (OOV.) Help...help!
JO: Bill? Bill, is that you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
57: INT. AXOS. CENTRAL CHAMBER
(The DOCTOR is alone in a large organic chamber. He turns, sees something and shouts...)
DOCTOR: Brigadier! Brigadier!
(The BRIGADIER and the others come running in. The DOCTOR points at one slightly opaque wall, behind which can be seen moving figures. The wall vanishes and four figures are revealed. They are humanoid in form but completely golden in colour - skin, hair, even eyes. They resemble a family unit of a MAN, a WOMAN, a BOY and a GIRL. They stare impassively at their astonished visitors.)
DOCTOR: Well, Gentlemen - there's your enemy.
(The AXON MAN steps forward. He speaks but slowly, as if the language is new to him...)
AXON MAN: Our world's...are uncountable...light years...away - on the far rim...of the galaxy. Our planetary system has been crippled by extreme solar flare activity.
(He looks at their surroundings.)
AXON MAN: Axos is all that remains of our culture. As you can see, our science, unlike yours, has taken an organic path. (Unsure.) This...ship?
(The DOCTOR nods in confirmation that he has used the correct word.)
AXON MAN: This ship was not...built for our journey - it was grown.
WINSER: (Astonished.) What?
AXON MAN: Yes, grown from a single cell and now its nutrient is all but exhausted. We would like to stay.
CHINN: (Coughs.) Well...
AXON MAN: (Interrupts.) Until our nutrition and energy cycles have been fully replenished. In return, according to your custom, we offer a gift, a payment...
(The AXON GIRL steps forward and holds up in the air a burnt orange coloured round organic object.)
AXON MAN: Axonite!
[SCENE_BREAK]
58: INT. AXOS. PASSAGEWAY
(JO continues to look for the source of FILER'S cry.)
JO: Bill? Bill, where are you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
59: INT. AXOS. CENTRAL CHAMBER
(The sample of Axonite sits on top of a squat pillar in the centre of the chamber.)
AXON MAN: Axonite is the source of all our growth technology. Axonite can absorb, convert, transmit and programme all forms of energy.
(The AXON MAN starts to walk away.)
DOCTOR: Even radiation?
(The AXON MAN stops, turns and nods slowly at the DOCTOR.)
DOCTOR: (Suspicious.) Why then were you crippled by solar flare?
AXON MAN: It was already too late.
CHINN: Perhaps you could explain, just what it is - what it does? (Smiles.) My report, you understand?
AXON MAN: Axonite is, shall we say, the "Chameleon" of the elements. It is a thinking molecule. It uses the energy it absorbs, not only to copy but to recreate and restructure any given substance.
DOCTOR: (Suspicious.) And yet you still ran out of fuel?
(The AXON MAN stares at the DOCTOR.)
WINSER: (Eagerly.) And the principle? The principle of Axonite?
AXON MAN: It would be simpler for me to demonstrate Axontite.
[SCENE_BREAK]
60: INT. AXOS. PRISON CHAMBER
(From his position against the wall, the MASTER looks down on FILER.)
MASTER: What's your name?
FILER: Filer, Bill Filer. Who are you? What do you want?
MASTER: I'm your fellow captive, Filer. I am the Master!
(FILER looks up in astonishment at the object of his quest...)
[SCENE_BREAK]
61: INT. AXOS. CENTRAL CHAMBER
(Watched by the assembled observers, a small toad sits in a perspex globe. The AXON WOMAN stands by with what resembles a hypodermic syringe. The MAN nods at the AXON BOY who walks forward and takes the top off the globe.)
AXON MAN: A painless lasonic injection...of Axonite.
(He takes the syringe off the WOMAN. Its transparent tube is filled with the burnt orange coloured Axonite. He holds it over the toad which sits on top of the pillar.)
AXON MAN: This is, I presume, one of your food animals?
WINSER: Er, no, no, it isn't.
AXON MAN: My apologies.
(He switches the syringe on. It lights up and buzzes.)
AXON MAN: Assuming it were, you can see, of course, the possibilities for alleviating the world's food problems.
(The toad starts growing to several times its size.)
AXON MAN: The process is, of course, reversible.
(The toad shrinks back to its normal size. The WOMAN takes the syringe away as the BOY puts the toad back in the globe.)
WINSER: It's...Incredible!
HARDIMAN: Unlimited food.
DOCTOR: And unlimited power.
CHINN: (Eagerly.) We must have it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
62: INT. AXOS. PASSAGEWAY
(JO continues her exploration. Behind her, something starts to emerge from a wall.)
JO: Bill?
(Jo turns. One of the tendril covered creatures is emerging from the very substance of the wall. She screams...) | Plan: A: UNIT; Q: Who investigates the mysterious object that lands near the Nuton power complex? A: the Axons; Q: What group of aliens offer the mineral axonite as a gift? Summary: When a mysterious object lands near the Nuton power complex, UNIT investigate and encounter the Axons, a group of aliens who offer the mineral axonite, which can duplicate matter, as a gift. |
Cat: Michael asked me to marry him.
[ Both gasp ]
Cat: I'm engaged!
[ All scream ]
Owen: Can I be your best man?
Cat: You know I love you, but... the best man is going to be...
5.04 - Country Weekend Non-existent. [ Sighs ] Yeah. We're just doing, like, a casual thing with friends.
Glenn: That way, everybody has a nice time.
Betty: Just doing a last-minute spruce up before the guests arrive for the weekend.
Cat: Oh, Betty. You've always cared for my family's country home as if it's your job.
Betty: It is my job.
[ Horn honks ]
Cat: Oh, hi!
You guys drove!
Glenn: We made it here, okay? All right? Yeah, I took one wrong turn out of 100 turns. Hey, Cat.
Cat: Tough drive?
Marvin: No! I'm not in the charity business. Look... We either like the number or not, or I shove it up your ass.
Lola: Sorry. Things are really crazy at Marvin's work.
Marvin: It was just made-up.
Glenn: He's been yapping on the phone the whole time.
Lola: I know, I know.
Glenn: I'm not talking about him behind his back. He's standing right there. He can hear me. Not everybody's deaf, you know.
Owen: Hey!
Lola: Hi. Oh, Owen and Denise.
Owen: How great that your parents' country home is in the same part of Japan as the army base that we're living on?
Lola: It's practically unbelievable.
Cat: Oh, I'm just so glad you could make it.
Denise: Any chance to spend some quality time with my hubby.
Cat: Aww, you two.
Owen: Oh, man. I am crazy about my wife.
Glenn: You are so lucky. Sherry and I haven't gotten along since that time before we met.
[ Horn honks ]
Cat: Oh, guys, hey!
Val and Al are here! Hey!
Lola: I forgot. Val is dating comedy-music legend Weird Al Yankovic.
Valerie: Hi, guys. This is my boyfriend, Weird Al Yankovic.
Weird Al: Please, call me Weird Al... Yankovic. Or just Weird Al Yankovic. Whatever you're more comfortable with. Val's told me so many funny stories about one of you.
[ All laugh ]
Glenn: I heard you the first time, Sherry.
I'm not blind. Okay, well, you keep yelling like that, you're gonna break something. Oh, my God. Hmm.
Owen: Everyone, I'd like to propose a toast.
Cat: Aww.
Marvin: What part of "final offer" don't you understand?
Lola: Honey, honey.
Marvin: I talked to you a few days ago about this.
Owen: To Cat.
Denise: Aww.
Weird Al: Powerful.
Cat: You're gonna make me cry.
Denise: Boo-boo...
Lola: Wait, you guys. We're toasting the bride, but we haven't even met the groom.
[ All laugh ]
Cat: [ Sighing ] Oh, gosh.
No, Michael's on his way home from work, and if he is running on time, he'll be here in 60 seconds.
Michael: Actually, I was gonna take the 9:15 train out of the city, but I finished up early and jumped on the 9:14.
Cat: Michael...
Michael: Hi, baby.
Cat: Hey. [ Smooches ] I wasn't expecting you for another minute.
Michael: Nice to meet you all. Cat's told me so many funny stories about all but one of you.
Cat: Michael's in the music business.
Michael: Yeah, I'm a cashier at Guitar Center.
Denise: Ooh.
Cat: He's met Alex Van Halen twice.
Valerie: Second to Eddie, that is the Van Halen you want to meet.
Cat: So, this is Owen and his wife, Denise. And Valerie and her boyfriend, Weird Al Yankovic.
Michael: Oh, hey.
Cat: And that's Marvin over there. And my white housekeeper, Betty. And, finally, my very best friend in the world...
Together: Lola Spratt.
Lola: Hi, Michael.
Cat: How do you two know each other?
Lola: From Columbia. I was pre-med.
Michael: And I was pre... What was it again?
Lola: [ Laughs ]
Cat: [ Laughing ] Pre-what? What was it again?
Valerie: Cat, are you all right?
Glenn: Ladies and gentlemen, I have some very disturbing news. My wife, Sherry's, been stabbed. She's dead.
Owen: Somebody call 911.
Cat: My folks don't believe in landlines, so we have to use someone's cell.
Lola: We could ask Marvin to use his.
Owen: We'll just have to wait till he gets off.
Denise: Sweetie, you used to be a police officer. You can conduct the investigation for the time being.
Glenn: Great idea.
Owen: Okay.
Cat: She's right.
Owen: Meanwhile, no one here should worry about this. A woman has been stabbed, probably by someone who's walking among us, but the important thing is to focus on the beautiful wedding of Cat and Michael taking place tomorrow.
Denise: Aww...
Lola: Aww...
Weird Al: Powerful.
Cat: Not that I care at all, but how come you never mentioned anything about you and Lola?
[ Slams ]
[ Thud ]
Michael: What do you want me to say?
Am I supposed to report to you every single detail of my entire life?!
Cat: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. [ Chuckling ] I'm sorry.
Michael: I'm gonna get a snack. You want anything?
Cat: Um...I'll take whatever's just lying around. I mean, if there's a couscous medley, I'll take it in a tagine.
Michael: [ Humming ]
Lola: Let me guess. Peanut butter on bread.
Michael: [ Chuckles ] You remembered.
Lola: It feels like just yesterday... the day I met you at that party in the 1990's.
Lola: [ Chuckles ] What is that awesome smell? Is that peanut butter and bread?
Michael: Not quite. Peanut butter on bread.
Lola: [ Chuckles ]
Michael: It's kind of my specialty. Here. Try it.
Lola: Okay. Mmm. It's peanut buttery, but I can definitely taste the bread in there, too.
Michael: That's exactly... what I was going for.
Lola: I'm Lola. Pre-med.
Michael: Michael. Pre-ejaculate making its way up my vas deferens.
Lola: [ Sighs ]
Michael: I figure since you're pre-med, you understand what I'm saying.
Lola: You know, I still think of you fondly every time I see or taste bread.
Michael: Yeah?
Lola: Yeah.
Michael: Well, we should get some sleep, huh?
Lola: Yeah. Good night.
Michael: Good night.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Classical music plays ]
Marvin: Dude, you're killing me here.
No, I'll call it off. I don't care. No. You tell...
Michael: [ Sighs ]
Together: Oh, I didn't see you come in.
[ Both laugh ]
Lola: [ Sighs ]
Are you in the middle of a number two right now?
Michael: No. Too nervous.
Lola: Good.
[ Moans ]
Who are we kidding? Oh, this was bound to happen. Oh, Michael. Oh, I haven't had s*x on a toilet in months.
Glenn: Oh, here comes Cat.
Valerie: She looks so beautiful.
Glenn: Oh, she looks great.
Owen: Oh, she went with the white dress.
Michael: I can't do this.
Cat: Michael.
Michael: I'm so sorry, everybody. I'm sorry, Cat. The wedding's off.
Cat: Why?
Owen: I can tell you why. Because his fiancée... is a murderer!
[ All gasp ]
Glenn: What?
Owen: It look a while to put it all together, but now it makes perfect sense.
Cat hated Glenn's wife, Sherry, from moment one. Sherry is a woman that can't hear anything at all! Then there's the matter of the weapon. The weapon was a stainless steel knife purchased from where? A department store. Now, then. It gives me pause as far as this being as... [ sighs ] strong a case as I'd hoped when I... heard it in my head before I started speaking. And it is actually unlikely that Cat did this murder at all. And now it's just anxiety that I have as I... look around and see everybody looking.
[ Thunder crashes ]
Denise!
Lola: Marvin?!
Marvin: What? What can I say? You caught us. I'm having s*x with Denise right now. There's no denying it.
Lola: So, Marvin, were you on the phone with Denise the whole time negotiating the terms of your impending affair?
Marvin: In a nutshell, yes. That's right.
Owen: Denise, how could you?
Denise: Let's face it, Owen. I want to have fun, and you always want to investigate Sherry's murder. Of course I had s*x with Marvin. How could I not?
Owen: Wait, what?
Lola: Well, then I have an announcement to make, too. Michael and I are in love. And we've decided to be together.
Michael: It's too late, Lola. I'm in love with someone else.
Lola: What?
Michael: It happened when we were in the bathroom.
Lola: But...
Michael: I love you.
Michael: I've been wanting to quit my job, but you needed me to be the big, fancy cashier at Guitar Center, and, you know what? I never met Alex Van Halen.
Lola: [ Gasps ]
Michael: I only told you that I met A.V.H., 'cause that's the kind of cashier that you needed me to be.
Cat: No. I...
Michael: Betty's the first woman to give me the courage to pursue my dreams. So she and I are gonna live together. And we're both gonna work for Weird Al Yankovic.
Weird Al: That's right. Betty's gonna manage my Twitter account, and Michael is gonna be my personal cashier.
Valerie: Were you gonna mention this to me?
Weird Al: No, I wasn't. Why?
Michael: Well, there's nothing left to say. I, uh, got a taxi waiting outside if you want a ride. Betty, Marvin, Weird Al, Denise.
[ Zipper zips ]
[ Door opens ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Door closes ]
Glenn: Oh, Mondays, right?
The weekends are never quite long enough.
Owen: Hey, that reminds me, Glenn. About your wife's stabbing... You know, I'm kind of stumped on this. Everybody seems to have an alibi but you.
Glenn: All right, listen. Listen to me. I did it, okay? I killed Sherry. But it was only because I was angry at her.
Owen: Oh. That's why your prints were on the knife. You did it.
Glenn: That's exactly right.
Owen: I just figured it out.
Glenn: Should we go to the cops?
Owen: I'll tell you what. Just this once, I'm gonna take off my investigator hat and I'm gonna put on my friend hat and let you off with a warning.
Glenn: [ Chuckles ] Wow. Thank you, buddy.
Owen: I owe you. You know, you just helped me solve the big murder case.
Glenn: [ Chuckling ] I did.
Owen: So now we're even. [ Chuckles ]
Glenn: Okay.
Owen: I love you, buddy.
Glenn: I love you, too.
Lola: Has anyone ever told you that you look like an older Weird Al Yankovic?
Michael: Yeah. | Plan: A: a vacation house; Q: Where was Cat and Michael's wedding weekend? A: a murder mystery; Q: What is Owen entwined in during Cat and Michael's wedding weekend? A: Owen; Q: Who must solve the murder mystery? Summary: Cat and Michael's wedding weekend at a vacation house sees the doctors and their partners entwined in a murder mystery which Owen must solve. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
JULIAN: This glove once belonged to Roberto Clemente. Thought Jamie might like it.
NATHAN: Are you sure about this, man?
JULIAN: That glove belongs on the hand of someone who loves the game. Me, I used to stand out in right field and chase butterflies.
CLAY: What if I told you there was a college prospect who threw 98 miles an hour accurately?
NATHAN: There must be a reason he doesn't have an Agent.
CLAY: Well, what if I told you his name was Kellerman? As in Professor Kellerman's son.
MOUTH: Oh, wow. I love it.
MILLICENT: It's to wear with your gray suit when you get that reporter job at the station.
MOUTH: Thank you.
MOUTH: Oh, it's the station. It's for you.
JULIAN: I think we should adopt.
BROOKE: I want that so much, and I want it with you. But are you sure we're ready?
JULIAN: Yeah. We're ready.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley is looking at a picture of her mother.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Quinn is looking at a picture of her sister and her.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke prepares baby-shower party for Haley.
OUTSIDE
Nathan ans Clay are waiting on a bench.
JAMIE'S BEDROOM
Jamie is sitting on his bed.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Millicent wakes up for her first day at work.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke practices for the interview at the adoption agency.
BROOKE: My parents? I'm so glad you asked. My parents are the two most supportive people on the planet. Mm. If I could wrap my childhood up in a bow and give it as a gift, I would.
JULIAN: What, with the mother in prison and the absentee father?
BROOKE: I just want it to be perfect.
JULIAN: I know, but just try to relax. It's only our first interview.
BROOKE: And it could be our only. Do you know how crazy it is that we got a call so soon? We need to prepare.
JULIAN: We need to prepare to be ourselves?
BROOKE: Trust me. I have been through this before. It takes some couples years to adopt. You don't get an opportunity like this every day. It's like all the stars aligned for us.
JULIAN: You know, maybe we should trust the stars, then.
BROOKE: Just promise me that you'll follow my lead today.
JULIAN: Okay. Okay, you're the expert.
OUTSIDE
Clay and Nathan are still here.
CLAY: All right, that's it. Time's up. I can't believe Ian just blew us off. Well, I guess that the Kellerman apple doesn't fall far from the douche-bag tree.
NATHAN: I would've pulled this move, too, back in the day.
CLAY: Yeah, and I wouldn't have signed you.
NATHAN: And you would've regretted it.
JAMIE'S BEDROOM
Haley-dressed in baseball garb-tells Jamie she's going to be at his game with a whistle.
HALEY: Hey! Are you sure you're not gonna regret me staying home today?
JAMIE: W-why are you wearing that?
HALEY: Because I'm so excited. I've got a new sport to watch. I got new lingo to learn and new plays to call and new cheers to cheer. Uh, uh, we want a catcher, not a belly scratcher!
JAMIE: There's no whistles in baseball, mom.
HALEY: Oh. Well, there is now.
JAMIE: Then the answer is no. I won't regret you not being there.
HALEY: Oh, boo. Get out of here, you.
JAMIE: No whistles!
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Millicent is ready for her new job.
MILLICENT: Okay, here I come.
MOUTH: Wow. Millicent Huxtable, field reporter. I'd watch you all day long.
MILLICENT: Stop.
MOUTH: I'm serious. You look great.
MILLICENT: Well, I feel bad. This job should be yours, Marvin. You're great at your job, and I'm just some silly girl pretending to be a reporter.
MOUTH: Hey, they liked you on the audition tape, and so did I, and they were right. And the best part is now we'll be able to afford a whole muffin. Ooh, maybe even those green pistachio ones.
MILLICENT: I love those, but they're...
MOUTH: So expensive. Do it for the green pistachio muffins, Millie.
MILLICENT: Are you sure?
MOUTH: I'm sure. You're gonna do great.
MILLICENT: Thank you. Okay, here I go. I love you, Marvin McFadden.
CLINN'S HOUSE
Quinn talks to Clay about the brush she wants to give Haley for the baby.
CLAY: Is that for brushing or paddling?
QUINN: Very funny. It's for Haley. My mom had it engraved for me when I was born, and since she's having a girl, I thought she'd like it.
CLAY: You don't want to keep it?
QUINN: It'll mean a lot to her, and she deserves it. Haley's such an incredible...
(Her phone is ringing)
QUINN: Damn it! She will not stop calling me. She's been stalking me all morning to hang out, and I have to go to Brooke's and help set up for her surprise shower, and I'm running out of excuses.
CLAY: Easy. Tell her you have to rotate your tires. No one ever wants to help with tires. It's an inferior part of the car.
QUINN(at phone): Hi, Haley. Oh, no, sorry. I had my phone on silent by accident. Oh, I can't. I have to, uh, rotate my tires. No, that's not a euphemism. Oh, really? Great. Yay. See you soon.
(She hangs up)
QUINN: Guess what Haley knows how to do and offered to help me with right after we watch "Love Actually"?
CLAY: Honestly, you haven't rotated them in a while. That lying thing's a tangled web.
ADOPTION AGENCY
Brooke and Julian meet with Chloe about adopting her baby.
BROOKE: I was a great student, honor roll, that sort of thing. And now we're homebodies. A cup of green tea and a movie is us in a nutshell. Organic food.
JULIAN: Love the organic food.
CHLOE: Okay, uh, that sounds nice. So, um, do you guys mind if I ask you what you do for a living?
JULIAN: Oh, well, actually...Ow.
BROOKE: Actually, Julian is a pretty big-time film director. He used to live in Hollywood. And I am a clothing designer. Do you know Clothes Over Bros?
CHLOE: Oh, no, I don't really follow fashion.
BROOKE: Oh. That's good. That's good.
CHLOE: Okay, so, um, what about your parents? Would there be some supportive grandparents around?
JULIAN: Define "supportive." Ow!
BROOKE: Dear. Honey. Our parents are wonderful people solid, even-keeled. Wouldn't you agree, honey?
JULIAN: Mm-hmm. Julian and Brooke leave the room and talks in the hall.
BROOKE: That went better than I expected. We sounded like the perfect parents.
JULIAN: We could've been a little bit more ourselves, but I'm sure she loved us, whoever we were in there.
BROOKE: Trust me. I've been through these kinds of things before, and that was an a-plus interview.
JULIAN: Yeah, I guess you're right. How could she not love us? Look how adorable we are.
BROOKE: You know what I think? I think we might be getting a baby, baby. Mm.
ONE TREE HILL - OPEN CREDITS
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke jumps on the bed.
JULIAN: Brooke? What's that sound?
BROOKE: We're getting a baby. We're getting a baby.
JULIAN: Brooke Penelope Davis Baker, you break that box spring, you're sleeping on the floor.
BROOKE: Ooh, daddy's mad, but there isn't a box spring.
JULIAN: Well, even so, you get over here before you mess up and I have to raise that baby alone.
BROOKE: Oh, yeah?
JULIAN: I gotcha, you crazy tigger-y thing.
BROOKE: Mm, I like it when you get me. I'm happy to be gotten. Mm. I love you, you know that?
JULIAN: Nice to know, since I love you back. So, what time's the shower?
BROOKE: Oh, whenever Quinn gets Haley here.
JULIAN: If.
BROOKE: What do you mean, "if"?
JULIAN: Surprise things never work out. There's always stress and telling people white lies by people who aren't even good at telling white lies, and it's always a mess.
BROOKE: Well, this one's gonna be great.
JULIAN: Okay.
BROOKE: So, I was thinking we...Oh. Are you getting undressed?
JULIAN: Yeah. Is that okay?
BROOKE: Yeah. Go ahead. I'll watch. Or we could try to break the box spring.
JULIAN: There isn't a box spring.
BROOKE: Even so, get over here. Oh! Aah!
(Julian jumps on the bed)
JULIAN: You're right. This is fun. We're getting a baby! Whoo! I'm gonna be a father!
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley prepares some food for Nathan.
HALEY: Hey, hey. Big day, coach Scott.
NATHAN: Yep.
HALEY: Your son is very excited about Little League tryouts and surprisingly confident.
NATHAN: He should be. He's a Scott boy.
HALEY: What about the off-chance that he doesn't do so well? You gonna go all Dan Scott on him? I'm kidding! I just know how competitive you are.
NATHAN: I am not that competitive. Okay. That's fair.
HALEY: Here.
NATHAN: There's no whistles in baseball, Hales.
HALEY: Yeah, so I've been told.
NATHAN: Oh, and, Hales, my dad could never really get over who he thought he was supposed to be. But I'm just fine with being Jamie Scott's dad and Haley James' husband and father to...
HALEY: To?
NATHAN: Little...
HALEY: Nice try.
NATHAN: I gave it a shot.
HALEY: Actually, I-I do have an idea, but I kind of want to run it by somebody else first. Is that okay?
NATHAN: Of course.
HALEY: Have fun! Go, team Scott! Whoo-hoo!
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Quinn helps Brooke to prepare the shower.
BROOKE: Hey, Haley's calling you. Do you want me to get it?
QUINN: No, don't! Don't answer it.
BROOKE: Oh!
QUINN: Oh, she's driving me crazy. I need another excuse. Think.
BROOKE: Um, you could say...
QUINN(at phone): You're smothering me!
BROOKE: Really?
QUINN: Yeah, I'm not...not good at this.
BROOKE: No. Julian is here.
JULIAN: All right, I'm headed out. I told Nathan and Clay I'd help coach Little League.
BROOKE: You're gonna help coach?
JULIAN: Just because my area of expertise is more in the butterfly-catching aspect of the game does not mean I will not be an asset. I'll give them a pep talk during intermission.
BROOKE: Intermission?
JULIAN: Halftime?
BROOKE: Seventh-inning stretch?
QUINN: There's only six innings in Little League.
BROOKE: Then I got nothing.
(Quinn's phone ring)
QUINN(at phone): Hi, Haley. Oh, sorry about that. No, no. Um, I'm actually already on my way, so I'll just. I'll see you soon. Yay! Ohh. Now I got nothing. I'm sorry. Can you finish this by yourself?
BROOKE: Yes, I'll be fine. Just make sure she gets here on time.
QUINN: I will. Bye, Julian.
JULIAN: Innings.
BROOKE: You got it.
BASEBALL FIELD
Chuck trains for the selection.
CLAY: You got it, Chuck. All right, come on, now. Stay in front of it. Keep your eye on the ball.
CHUCK: It took a bad hop!
CLAY: It's all right. No, not the shoes.
CHUCK: You guys suck! Ian and a girl come in.
NATHAN: Jamie.
CLAY: A little late.
IAN: Uh, sorry, man. I had this, uh, thing. Do me a favor and get her name.
CLAY: Hey. I'm Clay. You must be...
KATE: Kate.
CLAY: Hey, Kate.
IAN: Yeah, Kate here loves baseball.
KATE: Players.
CLAY: Yeah.
NATHAN: Ian, I want you to meet my son. Jamie, this is Ian Kellerman. He's gonna be the next big thing in the major leagues if we have anything to say about it.
IAN: What's up, little man?
JAMIE: Hey.
IAN: Dude, nice glove.
JULIAN: That glove belonged to Roberto Clemente! Ooh, butterfly.
IAN: So, you got tryouts today, huh? Want to know a secret?
JAMIE: Sure.
IAN: All right. When you're getting up to bat, really take your time getting into the batter's box, right? And then right before the first pitch, make eye contact with the pitcher. Stare him down.
JAMIE: Like this?
IAN: Ooh, that's strong. Good. Then, right at the last second, smile at him. Really freaks them out.
JAMIE: Sweet. Thanks.
IAN: No problem, man. All right, guys, I got to run. I got to get Kate here home. Hey, uh, thanks for that, man. Let's get together later, say, uh, 3:00?
CLAY: Sure.
IAN: Let's go, Kate.
NATHAN: Ian. 3:00 means 3:00.
IAN: Hey, I said I was sorry, all right?
NATHAN: All right. Julian whistles once.
JULIAN: All right. Let's get this audition started.
NATHAN: Julian, there's no whistles in baseball.
CLAY: Or auditions.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Quinn and Haley are sitting on the couch and talk.
QUINN: Oh, Brooke invited us over later, so I told her we'd have second half of girl's day over there. I hope that's okay.
HALEY: Nah. I don't think so.
QUINN: W-what?
HALEY: Well, I...sorry. I just haven't had the house to myself in so long. I kind of was looking forward to sitting on the couch and doing nothing all day, except for rotating those tires.
QUINN: Great.
HALEY: Actually, there is a reason I invited you over.
QUINN: Okay, fine, I will French-braid your hair, but you've got to learn to do this yourself. You're having a daughter, you know.
HALEY: A daughter that I really want to name after mom. I remember you told me once that you wanted to name your first daughter Lydia, so I just wanted to check if that was okay with you.
QUINN: You know what I want? I want a niece named Lydia. And she's gonna be beautiful, just like her mom. And just like our mom.
BASEBALL FIELD
Chuck and Jamie try out for the little league team.
CHUCK: You guys better move 10 feet back out there. You're about to get the Chuck special. Man, I got hosed!
CLAY: Jamie Scott, you're up.
JAMIE: Next time, just point to the dugout.
CHUCK: Chuck! No fair. Coach's son!
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Millie shows Mouth the pile of work she has.
MOUTH: Hi.
MILLICENT: Hi. Can you believe all this?
MOUTH: Well, yeah, sort of. I did used to have that job.
MILLICENT: I didn't know I had to write my own stories. I don't know how to write my own stories.
MOUTH: I'm sorry. I should've told you that.
MILLICENT: I should go. I have to get to Haley's baby shower. What's so funny?
MOUTH: Um, you might want to leave that stuff here, unless you're planning on doing a story about the shower.
MILLICENT: Sorry. See you.
BASEBALL FIELD
Nathan and Clay pick the players for the team.
NATHAN: All right. In no order of importance, talent, or favoritism, we have Madison.
CLAY: You see that? Fortitude. Strong.
NATHAN: Okay, Steven. All right, Steven. Next is Daniel.
CLAY: Daniel. Daniel.
NATHAN: Clyde. Uh, Jamie Scott. Uh, Chuck.
CHUCK: Mvp! Mvp Chuck!
JULIAN: Oh!
NALEY'S HOUSE
Haley sets up an ice cream party.
QUINN: What's this?
HALEY: Ice-cream party for Jamie.
QUINN: Uh, no, we have to get going because Brooke's expecting us, remember?
HALEY: Oh, Brooke can wait. Ice cream is the best part about Little League. Guys and the team eat ice-cream.
JULIAN: Mmm. Eating ice cream is the best part about Little League, except for maybe catching butterflies.
CLAY: Mmm.
QUINN: Okay, I'm supposed to get Haley to her shower, so please help me out.
HALEY: Hey! Who wants sprinkles?
CLAY: Sprinkles are good.
NATHAN: Yeah, and whipped cream.
QUINN: Please.
HALEY: Thank you. Okay. Quinny, I made some ice cream for us, too.
QUINN: Oh, yay. Eat. Eat your ice cream. Eat. Let's go. Go. Okay, mmm. I'm done. We can go.
HALEY: Quinn, there's no rush.
QUINN: We got to leave and go to Brooke's.
HALEY: Why?
QUINN: Because we're throwing you a surprise shower today! Ow. Brain freeze.
HALEY: You guys are throwing me a baby shower?
QUINN: Yeah. Please act surprised.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Quinn and Haley arrive.
GIRLS: Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!
HALEY: Oh, my gosh. What do you guys mean, surprise? It's not like it's my birthday or anything. That too much?
QUINN: Yes.
HALEY: Hi!
BROOKE: You told her, didn't you?
QUINN: Totally.
BROOKE: Oh, yay!
ON THE DOCK
Nathan, Julian, and Clay meet Ian on the dock.
JULIAN: So, tell me again who this kid is.
CLAY: Oh, he's a douche.
NATHAN: He's a potential client.
CLAY: He's a douche-y one.
NATHAN: Yeah. Well, this is it.
JULIAN: We're meeting him on a boat? Sweet.
CLAY: Now I can say "I'm on a boat" when I'm actually on a boat.
JULIAN: Hope you brought your flippy-floppys.
NATHAN: Uh, how do we knock?
JULIAN: Maybe just rock it a bit?
CLAY: Too late.
(A girl leaves the boat)
IAN: Take care, Tracy. Her name's Tracy.
JULIAN: So, you live on a boat?
IAN: No, I party on a boat. It's my dad's pride and joy, so I like to trash it now and then. You guys in?
NATHAN: Maybe we should just go to a bar.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Haley is the princess of the day.
BROOKE: Okay, one more thing.
QUINN: Ooh.
HALEY: Oh, my goodness. I am the queen.
BROOKE: I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
HALEY: Okay, is this from your bachelorette party?
BROOKE: Reuse, recycle.
ALEX: So, when's your big party coming?
QUINN: For what?
ALEX: Oh, shut up. You know you're totally getting a ring soon. You lucky bitch.
QUINN: No, no, no, I'm not getting a ring.
BROOKE: Are you and Clay getting engaged? I need to hear stories. I'm having postpartum wedding blues. Please tell me everything.
QUINN: All right, let's get this shower officially started. These presents aren't gonna open up themselves.
ALEX: Nice dodge, ring-getter.
BAR
The guys talk about their relationships with their fathers at the bar.
CLAY: That was nice.
IAN: Finally.
CLAY: So, Ian, how come your dad hates Nathan?
NATHAN: What he means is he and I got off on the wrong foot and never really got back on the right one.
IAN: That's funny. Had a similar experience with the old man.
JULIAN: Well, maybe you can fix it. You know, there was a time when I barely spoke to my dad, but it's good now.
IAN: It's not gonna happen, dude. My dad cares about three things books, his dog, and that boat.
NATHAN: Well, you have to admit, the dog is pretty cool. He rides skateboards.
CLAY: A skateboarding dog?
JULIAN: That's pretty cool.
NATHAN: What about your mom, Ian? Are you close to her?
IAN: Well, I was, but my mom was a smart woman. She had the good sense to divorce my dad and die before he could make her anymore miserable. Are you guys sure you don't want to go back and trash the boat?
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Quinn gives her present.
QUINN: So, even though we come from a big family, Haley and I have always been close. You know, you've always been there for me, my little sis someone to believe in, someone to share all my secrets with, and now...Jamie's getting a little sister, and I know that he's gonna love her as much as I love you. And you're gonna love your daughter as much as mom loved us.
HALEY: Quinn. This is yours. Mom gave it to you.
QUINN: I know, but now I'm giving it to you.
HALEY: "My girl." Thank you, sis.
QUINN: You're welcome. I love you.
HALEY: Oh.
BAR
Guys talk about brothers.
IAN: So, you guys have any brothers?
NATHAN: Mnh-mnh. I have a... Yes. Yeah.
IAN: So you guys understand, then. It was just me growing up, so all my dad's hopes and dreams were pinned on me.
NATHAN: I might have had a brother, but that didn't save either of us from our dad's failed dreams.
IAN: So you get it.
NATHAN: I get it.
CLAY: Oh, he gets it. Trust me.
IAN: I'll be right back.
CLAY: Dude, you have been zen all day today. What's going on with you?
JULIAN: Just taking in all the dad talk because Brooke and I are going to adopt. Yeah, we had our first interview with a birth mother this morning, and it went great, so we'll see.
NATHAN: That is news worth celebrating.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Girls drink champagne.
LAUREN: Ooh, thank you...
BROOKE: Mm-hmm.
LAUREN: For the champagne and for possibly saving my life.
BROOKE: Well, I'll drink to that. Cheers. Haley can't drink alcohol.
HALEY: Oh, I miss beer.
ALEX: Get someone to drink it for you. The buzz isn't as good, but the hangover's better.
HALEY: Okay, chug that beer for me.
QUINN: No, have -- have Brooke do it. She's the expert.
BROOKE: What?!
QUINN: Come on. Oh, Brooke!
HALEY: Yeah, Brooke, chug a beer for me.
BROOKE: No way.
HALEY: Come on. It'll be like a designated driver, but a designated drinker please?
LAUREN: Listen to the pregnant lady.
BROOKE: I so should not have saved you.
GIRLS: All right. All right.
HALEY: Oh, that looks so refreshing.
BROOKE: Okay.
GIRLS: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Brooke chugs a beer while Chloe shows up on her doorstep. She invites Chloe to stay for the party.
BROOKE: I'm so sorry...I-I didn't know that you were stopping by today. It's totally okay, of course. We're just throwing a baby shower for my friend.
CHLOE: Okay. It's okay. I understand. Um, I-I just came by to bring you these a little thank-you for meeting me this morning. I know it was last-minute.
BROOKE: You didn't have to do that. Do you want to come in and stay a while? Julian's not here, but you can meet some of our friends.
CHLOE: No, I-I should go. I don't want to crash.
BROOKE: No, honestly, stay. I'd love it. Um, just one thing I hope this isn't weird. We haven't told anyone about this, that we're trying to adopt. I just didn't want to get my hopes up in case it didn't happen, so...
HALEY: Hi.
CHLOE: Hi.
BROOKE: Haley, uh, this is, um...this is...
CHLOE: I-I'm... I'm Chloe. I-I came by to bring you guys some cookies for your baby shower.
HALEY: Thank you. That's really sweet of you. Everybody treats you so nice when you're pregnant. How far along are you?
CHLOE: Um, about to pop, far along.
HALEY: You must be starving. Feel free to have some food. And just, you know, don't eat my ho ho cake.
BROOKE: Um, Millie, will you show Chloe around? She's a fashion student and a friend. Okay.
MILLICENT: Okay?
BROOKE: Haley. Brooke and Haley isolates in the kitchen.
BROOKE: I need to tell you something.
HALEY: Do you have any pickles?
BROOKE: Haley!
HALEY: What?
BROOKE: Julian and I only met Chloe this morning. She's putting her baby up for adoption, and she met with us.
HALEY: Oh, my...
BROOKE: Shh! Nobody knows yet.
HALEY: Oh, sorry. Oh, my God, I can't keep this in.
BROOKE: We might be moms together. But it's only if she likes us, and it's just the interview phase.
HALEY: How could she not like you?
BROOKE: Really? Do you think so?
HALEY: Are you kidding me? There's no way that girl can spend any time with you and not think you would be an amazing mother. My God! Alex talks with Quinn.
ALEX: So, how does it work? Does he just guess what you like, or do you guys talk about it beforehand? I mean, that seems less fun, but then you at least get the ring that you want.
CHLOE: Oh, are you getting engaged?
QUINN: No, I'm just dating.
MILLICENT: They're in limbo. They're more than dating but not yet engaged. I am, too limbo.
QUINN: No, we're not in limbo. I just don't feel the need to rush into anything. I mean, maybe if I got pregnant, but...
BAR
Guys talks about children.
IAN: I can't imagine having kids, man, until I'm like 40, maybe.
NATHAN: Kids are great. You'll see. And hopefully Julian will be seeing very soon.
IAN: Well, dude, if it does happen, don't be a dick.
JULIAN: Okay.
IAN: I'm just saying, like, don't try to make your kid be you. My dad never got me, ever, not when I was 5, not now.
CLAY: You ever try talking to him about it?
IAN: No, man. I stopped trying to talk to him right about the time he stopped caring if we ever really spoke.
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Brooke offers a drink to Chloe.
BROOKE: Hi. Here you go.
CHLOE: Oh, thank you.
MILLICENT: Brooke, I was just telling Chloe about my new job.
BROOKE: Oh, I forgot to congratulate you.
MILLICENT: Don't worry about it. At this rate, I could join you in the unemployment line by the end of the week.
BROOKE: Oh. I'm not unemployed.
MILLICENT: Okay, to-ma-to, to-mah-to. You lost your company. Um... So, anyway, about my new job, they gave me so much work to do, I'd have to start doing coke again just to get it all done. I'm joking.
BROOKE: She's joking.
MILLICENT: I can joke about rehab now.
BROOKE: Good.
CHLOE: Wait. You're unemployed? I thought you said you designed clothes.
BROOKE: I do. Well, I had a clothing company, a very successful one. We just got into some trouble, so I don't have that anymore. But I'm figuring out what I'm gonna do next with all my... Victoria enters in the house.
VICTORIA: What? Really?
CHLOE: Who's that?
ALEX: Brooke, your bitch of a mom's here.
BROOKE: Mother.
VICTORIA: Why don't you return my calls?
BROOKE: This is really not a good time.
VICTORIA: I thought we were good after the wedding. Apparently someone goes to prison and you don't cut them a break?
CHLOE: Wait. Prison?
VICTORIA: Yeah, prison. Get used to it, everyone. I went to prison. It's not that big a deal. It happens.
MILLICENT: Victoria, have a Martini and calm down. Nobody here is ashamed about jail time. I mean, I went to jail, and I am not ashamed to say it.
ALEX: Honestly, who hasn't been to jail? I remember my visit very fondly.
BROOKE: Okay, can we all stop saying "jail"? Haley?
HALEY: Yeah. Let's just be rational and stop over exaggerating. Jail is so not that big of a deal.
QUINN: Well, you would know. I mean, you've been more than any of us.
CHLOE: Okay, wait. You've all been to jail?
LAUREN: Ooh, no. I haven't. Yet. I haven't yet.
CHLOE: Okay, you know what? I'm gonna go.
BROOKE: No, it's...
HALEY: I wanted to make a toast to my amazing friend Brooke for throwing this party and for...saving my son's life, because if she hadn't risked hers to save Jamie, I would not be standing here, with all of you, happy. Brooke, there is a reason why you are Jamie's godmother. And I'm thankful every day that you are. So, here's to my best friend, Brooke Davis. There is no one else to whom I would trust my child more. Brooke apologizes to Chloe for lying and explains her desire to be a mother.
BROOKE: You almost forgot this.
CHLOE: Thanks.
BROOKE: Chloe, wait. There's something I need to say to you before you decide that we're not the right parents for your baby, starting with I'm sorry. I know I said a bunch of things to you this morning that weren't true, and I left out some things that maybe I shouldn't have, like losing my company and maybe my mom going to prison. But I did that because I was worried about what you would think of us.
CHLOE: Brooke, I'm 19 and pregnant. I kind of get the whole passing-judgment thing.
BROOKE: But I'm not 19, and I know that I should've been honest with you.
CHLOE: So be honest now.
BROOKE: When I was a teenager, I was a mess. I was popular, but I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. And I started a clothing line, and it became more successful than I could have ever dreamed. But even at the height of my success, I always felt like something was missing. Love. A family. And then I met Julian. And he is an amazing director, but he's an even more amazing man, and I know that he's gonna be the most amazing father. So there was a time when I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be. But I've known for a long time now. I want to be a mom. And I want to see Julian be a dad. And I want our child to feel loved and protected, even when they're struggling, like I did, like -- like we all have.
CHLOE: You look really wasted here.
BROOKE: I was. I have better ones if...
CHLOE: No, it's...it's okay. Thank you for telling me the truth. I'll think about it, okay?
BASEBALL FIELD
Ian makes some throws.
NATHAN: You can't have an open bottle on the mound in the pros. Think you got to pour it in a cup.
IAN: You know how you spent the day today with your kid, just all the coaching and tryouts? To this day, my dad's come to one game one. And I pitched right here on campus.
NATHAN: I'm sorry, man. That's crazy.
IAN: It's okay, though, 'cause this is the only place in the world that he can't get to me right here on this mound. I guess he doesn't understand it. But you want to know a secret? Neither do I. And I don't want to know. I throw the ball, they swing, they miss. I don't want to know why or how. There's kind of a...a beauty in that, you know?
NATHAN: Yeah, I do know.
IAN: Which part?
NATHAN: All of it.
IAN: So you guys want to do this, be my agents?
NATHAN: We do. But I got to warn you, it might upset your father a little bit. You okay with that?
IAN: Perfect.
NATHAN: Welcome to Fortitude.
MOUTH'S APARTMENT
Millicent goes home.
MILLICENT: I'm home. What is all this?
MOUTH: I wrote a couple stories for you. I-I thought it might help. And I set up the camera so we can practice them together. When I went on the air for the first time, someone I love gave me this great advice, just pretend you're talking to me.
MILLICENT: Someone you love.
MOUTH: Yeah.
MILLICENT: Best roommate ever.
MOUTH: You ready?
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Julian and Brooke cleans up the house.
JULIAN: Well, that doesn't sound that bad.
BROOKE: It was that bad. There's no possible way she wants us as the parents after today. Millie basically told her that we're destitute while joking about her drug problem, and then my mother showed up yelling about prison.
JULIAN: Hey, look... I'm sure we can explain it.
BROOKE: I tried that. She still left.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Nathan is home.
NATHAN: Hey.
HALEY: Hey! Oh, come here. Mm.
NATHAN: Oh. What was that for?
HALEY: That was because Jamie said he had a great day, and his dad was a big part of that.
NATHAN: Well, how was his mom's day?
HALEY: It was good. It was great, actually. Um, and I think Lydia really enjoyed it, too.
NATHAN: Lydia.
HALEY: Yeah. I didn't want to get my hopes up until I talked to Quinn, but what do you think?
NATHAN: Nathan, Haley, Jamie, and Lydia. It's perfect.
HALEY: Yeah?
NATHAN: Mm-hmm.
HALEY: Mm.
CLAY'S CAR
Clay and Quinn go home.
CLAY: So, was it good, the shower?
QUINN: Huh? Yeah.
CLAY: Hey. Where's your head, Quinn James?
QUINN: Just thinking about something the girls said today. Wait. Pull over.
NALEY'S HOUSE
Jamie is dressed like a baseball player.
HALEY: Hey, look at you! That looks awesome! High five. Ha-ha.
JAMIE: Thanks. Did you have fun at your party?
HALEY: I did. I missed you, though. And I think the baby did, too.
JAMIE: Yeah, dad said you were gonna name her after grandma.
HALEY: Mm-hmm.
JAMIE: I think that's pretty cool. I made her a present.
HALEY: You did? "To Lydia. I can't wait to play catch with you. Love, your big brother Jamie." She's gonna love it. And she's gonna love having you as a big brother. Come here.
GARDEN
Quinn feels that she was already came here.
CLAY: Quinn?
QUINN: There's something about this place. It feels so familiar. Do you feel it?
FLASHBACK, GARDEN
Quinn and Clay already came here when they were in the coma.
QUINN: Beautiful.
CLAY: I was gonna take you here.
GARDEN
CLAY: Yeah. Have we been here before?
FLASHBACK, GARDEN
CLAY: Promise me that you'll go back here someday.
QUINN: We'll go together.
GARDEN
QUINN: No. I just want you to know that I love you. And I love us just where we are. You're perfect with me.
CLAY: I love us, too. And just where we are is my favorite place to be.
(They kiss)
BRULIAN'S HOUSE
Somebody knocks on the door, it's Chloe.
JULIAN: Oh, hey, Chloe.
CHLOE: Hi. Is Brooke here? I need to tell you guys something.
JULIAN: Yeah.
BROOKE: Yeah. Hi, Chloe. I'm here.
CHLOE: Hi. Um, so, I've...I've thought a lot about today and about everything, really. And, uh, it seems like you guys have a lot of baggage. The thing is, I-I want two people who are gonna love this baby, who can care for this baby, and who will understand when they make a mistake. So I think it's okay that you guys have, too. And that's the reason why I want you guys to be the parents. End of the episode. | Plan: A: a surprise baby shower; Q: What do the girls plan for Haley? A: Jamie's baseball team; Q: What team are the guys trying out for? A: adoption; Q: What do Brooke and Julian pursue? A: Mouth; Q: Who gets Millicent ready for her first day of work? A: the musical Annie; Q: What musical is the episode named after? Summary: As the girls plan a surprise baby shower for Haley, the guys participate in try-outs for Jamie's baseball team. Meanwhile, Brooke and Julian pursue adoption... while Mouth gets Millicent ready for her first day of work. This episode is named after a song from the musical Annie . Opening theme song performed by Olin and the Moon. |
(Open: Hotel - Laundry Area. There are gigantic washing machines and dryers all around. Workers are doing laundry. A man is walking around the floor with a woman.)
HOTEL MANAGER: They put me in charge of all of this. I'm like one of those big shots on Wall Street only I deal with laundry, instead of money.
WOMAN: Wow.
HOTEL MANAGER: Not many people know it, but this is the nerve center of the entire hotel.
WOMAN: Well, I would have thought it would be room service.
HOTEL MANAGER: No way! Proper washing, at this volume, depends on water quality, bleach concentration, time and of course agitation and heat.
WOMAN: Agitation and heat, yeah, I definitely got that. We're gonna be late for dinner.
HOTEL MANAGER: I'll push our reservations. Check this baby out. (They stop in front of a large washing machine) Energy plus. That means, not am I only washing away the filth and the fluids that people get on your hotel sheets; I'm also the front line on the fight against global warming.
(She hears a noise)
WOMAN: What was that?
HOTEL MANAGER: Foreign object in the wash barrel. It happens.
WOMAN: It looks gooey. Won't it gum up your machine?
HOTEL MANAGER: Whatever it is, this baby can handle it.
(The woman leans in closer and sees a human skull and screams)
(Cut to: Hotel - Laundry Area. Hours later. Booth and Brennan arrive and are going to meet Cam at the washing machine.)
BOOTH: So, the only way the body could have gotten down here is if someone threw it down the laundry shoot.
BRENNAN: That would seem to suggest homicide.
BOOTH: Yes it would.
(Booth rubs his hand down his tie - Brennan notices.)
BRENNAN: Is that a new tie?
BOOTH: Yeah, yeah. Yes, it is. You like it?
BRENNAN: Well, I'm not sure why you'd want to wear frolicking cetaceans around your neck.
BOOTH: Well, 'cause Catherine got it for me. Look, they're dolphins!
BRENNAN: The marine biologist?
BOOTH: Yeah. Yeah, it was a present.
BRENNAN: Interesting.
BOOTH: Wh-what do you mean, "Interesting"?
(They arrive at the washer)
CAM: Check this out. Good luck on the I.D. Too bad they didn't do it on the delicate cycle, huh?
BRENNAN: Well, obviously the manufacturers didn't anticipate human remains.
BOOTH: Well, according to the laundry guy, the body could have been sitting in a pile of dirty sheets for 2 days before it got thrown into the wash.
CAM: Well, the heat in here would have sped up decomp. (She exhales) Look out, I'm going in.
(Cam climbs into the washer as Brennan starts to examine the skeleton.)
BRENNAN: Judging by the concavity of the rib end, the victim was middle age. Dismemberment occurred post-mortem; most likely during the spin cycle.
BOOTH: Hey, what's so interesting about my tie.
BRENNAN: Well, a gift is a social contract - a basic anthropological construct. By giving you a tie, Catherine has entered into a social contract with you.
BOOTH: Really?
(Brennan nods.)
CAM: Fabric softeners permeated the soft tissue. Everything's swollen. Speaking of social contracts, do you like your gynecologist?
BRENNAN: She's extremely competent, yes, but I don't think she's accepting new patients. I thought you were happy with Dr. Oxenburg?
BOOTH: Alright, can you two just save the lady part discussion for when I'm not here?
CAM: Dr. Oxenburg moved to California and I am looking for a doctor for Michelle. She's at that age, ya know?
BOOTH: No. No, no. No. We're not going to be discussing your daughter's s*x life. Because A, she's a good girl; she doesn't have s*x and B, you're touching a dead body.
BRENNAN: I don't follow your logic.
CAM: I'm always touching a dead body, Seeley. If I let that be a variant of conversation, I wouldn't-
(She's cut off by some of the remains falling from the washer and hitting her arm and rolls over and stops in front of Booth.)
BOOTH: Oh, oh, ho. Okay. Can someone just please remove the eyeball.
CAM: (walking over) Ooh. This is not an eyeball. (she picks it up and holds it out in front of her)
BOOTH: What is it?
CAM: I'll put it this way, our victim was male.
BRENNAN: (smiling) Would you rather us go back to talking about lady parts?
[OPENING CREDITS]
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Forensics Platform. Brennan, Arastoo and Hodgins are examining the skeleton)
BRENNAN: The skeleton appears to have suffered a great deal of damage in the washer.
HODGINS: Well, that wins the understatement award for today.
BRENNAN: It's going to be very difficult to find cause of death.
HODGINS: Well, if the 3lbs of muck I got here in the catch is any indication, then that washing machine must have been a beast.
ARASTOO: Dr. Brennan, I found something. Right here, the junction of the maxilla and palatine.
HODGINS: Bullet wound? He was shot?
ARASTOO: It was a result of surgery, not a gunshot. Most likely from oral cancer.
BRENNAN: There's also bone degeneration on the mandible. Our victim was probably a cigar smoker. Anything else?
HODGINS: Condom! Unused. Never mind.
ARASTOO: I also found a number of fully remodeled fractures. Here's one on the right hamate bone.
BRENNAN: It's approximately 3 years old.
ARASTOO: An injury like this is mostly typical for professional baseball players. The great Tony Peña suffered a similar fracture..
HODGINS: 0 for 11 as a utility infielder before being traded to the Royals.
ARASTOO: To the White Sox, after a successful surgery to repair his hamate.
HODGINS: Oh, and are all American Muslim drives in a run! Nice one, Arastoo!
ARASTOO: Thank you.
(Brennan clears her throat as a hint to get back to work.)
ARASTOO: Uh, I through our victim played baseball but then I saw this. A number of mostly repaired impression fractures in the tibia and tarsus.
BRENNAN: An injury pattern most commonly sustained by rock climbers. And these fractures occurred about a year after the hamate fracture.
ARASTOO: And here's where I go for the triple because...another remodeled fracture. About a year old and to the hyoid.
BRENNAN: With an accompanying micro-fracture on the parietal, almost certainly indicating our victim was involved in a high speed collison while wearing a helmet. What does this mean?
HODGINS: Rock climbing, baseball playing, crash test dummy?
(Cam enters.)
CAM: Is there a testicle up here?
HODGINS: Four that I know of...
BRENNAN: I thought you located them at the scene?
CAM: Just the one that scared Booth. I've cataloged the loose tissue and all the victims organs and glands are accounted for but the other testicle seems to have vanished.
BRENNAN: Well, it's not here but it does appear our victim was in the habit of injuring himself, annually, in a variety of risky behaviors.
CAM: So the guy with one gonad actually had balls.
(Hodgins starts laughing, Brennan doesn't laugh)
CAM: Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got an appointment.
(Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are seated at the counter.)
BOOTH: So you're telling me I should be looking for a cigar smoking, thrill seeker missing one of the family jewels.
BRENNAN: That's correct.
SWEETS: You know, stereotypical male behavior, such as cigar smoking and risk taking, could be a form of overcompensation for a man who was born with only one testicle. I could write up a profile.
BRENNAN: There's no reason too, Sweets. born without one. He could just have easily of lost it in one of his dangerous pursuits. If a testicle is severely twisted or degloved, it almost always necessitates removal. In the case of penetrating trauma..
BOOTH: No. No. Just- do you think we can go 20 minutes on this case without talking about testicles?
SWEETS: Please.
BRENNAN: Okay. (she pauses) Booth has made a social contract with the marine biologist.
SWEETS: Sorry?
BOOTH: (laughing) It's amazing - you go from injured testicles to the woman I'm dating. And you? You're supposed to say "That's interesting." in a very annoying way.
BRENNAN: It was a logical transition.
SWEETS: But it is very interesting.
BRENNAN: Booth and I are friends. Catherine is an intelligent, attractive woman and I'm intrigued by their developing relationship.
BOOTH: That's nice...I think.
SWEETS: Yeah. I think it is nice.
BOOTH: Thank you, Bones.
SWEETS: Wow. You two seem to be handling dating very well. I'm impressed.
BRENNAN: Well, you've known me for 2 years, Sweets. You should expect to be impressed by me.
(Cut to: The Medical Plaza. Dr. Paul Lidner's Office. Cam is sitting with a file folder on her lap.)
CAM: You were board certified in '99?
DR. LIDNER: That is correct.
CAM: And you did a fellowship at Vanderbilt in -
DR. LIDNER: Reproductive Endocrinology. Boy, you really did your research.
CAM: You were recommended by Dr. Oxenburg but I wanted to make sure this is the right fit.
DR. LIDNER: Oh, yeah. Oh, of course.
CAM: Do you consider yourself easy to talk to? Especially about delicate topics - like, someone's first time having s*x.
DR. LIDNER: Um, their first time with a new partner?
CAM: No. No. Their first time. Like in losing virginity.
DR. LIDNER: Oh. Well, uh, yes. Of course. I-I'd be, uh, very sensitive with that topic. Um, especially if the delay in sexual maturity was due to some sort of trauma or negative conditioning.
CAM: Trauma? Oh, my god. Why would you bring up trauma.
DR. LIDNER: Well, when an adult woman, such as yourself, forgoes sexual activity, there are often deeper issues at play. (Cam starts to laugh) What?
CAM: There's been a misunderstanding here. I'm looking for a gynecologist for my daughter, who's 16.
DR. LIDNER: Oh, great. I mean, yeah. That just makes more sense. Um, I deal with a lot of teenagers and uh, they feel very comfortable with me because they know they're free to speak about anything and it will remain confidential.
CAM: Excellent. Well, obviously, you're respectful and highly qualified. I think this will work.
DR. LIDNER: I'm glad. You and your husband can feel confident that I will treat your daughter with the utmost care and consideration.
CAM: (reaching out her hand) Thank you. (she turns to leave, but then turns back) Acutally, I uh, don't have a husband. Michelle's my adoptive daughter.
DR. LIDNER: Oh, I see.
CAM: So, thank you, Dr. Lidner.
DR. LIDNER: Uh, Paul. Please. Just call me Paul.
CAM: Paul.
(She nods and leaves.)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookay Room. Cam enters)
CAM: You have something for me?
HODGINS: Yup. The fingernails.
CAM: I don't think they're gonna help with the I.D.
HODGINS: I also have clothing remnants, mostly denim. A chain, also mostly likely part of the victims apparel. Some pieces of molded silicone elastomer..
CAM: (picking up the petri dish) The missing testicle.
HODGINS: Oh, god.
CAM: It's a prosthetic one. They're made of a silicone shell and filled with saline. Now, obviously, this has suffered a lot of damage in the wash, but if we can get a serial number off this? We can get an I.D.
(Hodgins makes a face. He is not thrilled about the fake testicle)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela has the silicone pieces on the big screen.)
ANGELA: Okay. I photographed each piece of the silicone elastomer and I used the photos to reassemble a virtual prosthetic.
CAM: Well, the serial numbers were pretty warn from the washing machine.
ANGELA: Yeah. Well, hopefully by looking at the image under different color filters we can at least get some of the digits. You know, I have to say. This whole "finding I.D. by testicle" definitely beats facial reconstructions.
CAM: Does that prosthetic seem overly large to you?
ANGELA: Well, it isn't' to scale, Cam.
CAM: Guess it's been a while.
ANGELA: Okay, I got the serial number for you.
CAM: I'll get it to Booth.
(Cam leaves)
ANGELA: (looking at the screen) It's pretty big.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Booth's Office. Booth and Brennan are looking at a folder.)
BOOTH: Richard Cole. 42. Single. Commercial Real Estate Developer. Left his entire fortune to the American Cancer Society. So that rules out, uh, financial motive.
BRENNAN: Researchers can be ruthless.
BOOTH: Yeah. Look at this. This article a cigar connoisseur.
BRENNAN: He had oral cancer, he shouldn't have smoked.
BOOTH: That is not his biggest problem right now. He talks about going to fantasy camps every year for his birthday.
BRENNAN: Fantasy camps?
BOOTH: They're expensive camps where grown-ups get to pretend to be, you know, race car drivers, uh, professional ball players - pretty much anything.
BRENNAN: That would explain the yearly injuries. You could easily crush a testicle at a rodeo camp.
BOOTH: Look what's going on this week at the hotel. God, I wish I had enough money for this one.
BRENNAN: Why? What is it?
(Booth plays a video)
SIMON GRAHAM: (online) Did you ever dream about jamming with your favorite musical heros or playing gigs in front of throgs of screaming fans? Well, please join us at the one and only fantasy camp created by legendary music manager and promoter - me. Simon Graham.
BRENNAN: Music camp.
BOOTH: That's not music. That's Rock 'n Roll, Baby. Yeah!
(Cut to: Hotel - Hallway.)
BOOTH: According to Cole's lawyer, he was trying to buy a property that Simon Graham didn't want him to have.
BRENNAN: You think Graham murdered Cole to safeguard some property?
BOOTH: It's possible. Don't say that Cole is dead. I don't want anybody panicking or trying to flee the scene.
BRENNAN: I was a very big fan of Toad the Wet Sprocket.
BOOTH: You might want to keep that to yourself, alright. Now, don't get overwhelmed. It's going to be very loud in here and..
(They enter the room to find people waiting on line.)
GUY: So, are you going to the seminar on string height?
GIRL: I have a class on tone control then.
GUY: Oh, that's great.
BOOTH: They're all in line. They're not even pushing. This is not my rock and roll fantasy.
(Cut to:
BOOTH: No, no. This can't be right. Rock and roll is not about seminars. Come on, people. Does anyone remember Laughter?
GINO: Hey, I remember. Zeppelin, man!
CAMPER #1: Dude, you could lose the tie around here.
BRENNAN: Well, he-he likes it. It's a gift from a woman.
BOOTH: (holding up his badge) FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth. (to Brennan) Hacker get you anything?
BRENNA: A subscription to Lapham's Quarterly.
BOOTH: Sexy.
GINO: Can I help you guys with something 'cause I really don't want to be late for class. I paid a fortune to be at this camp.
BOOTH: Yeah, We're looking for Simon Graham.
BEBE: I think he's near the stage. Walk this way.
BOOTH: Aerosmith.
GINO: Hey! You know you're music. This is Bebe. I'm Gino.
CAMPER #1: Is something wrong?
BRENNAN: It's about one of your camp mates. Richard Cole.
BEBE: Cole? He hasn't been around for a couple of days.
GINO: He probably got tired of fighting with Simon. SIMON GRAHAM (onstage) Boys and girls, Erik Dalton!
GINO: Simon's in there. Erik Dalton is starting his workshop.
BOOTH: What? Erik Dalton is here? (Erik starts playing his guitar. Booth starts heading to the stage. ) Bones! This is more like it!
BRENNAN: (following him) Booth...
BOOTH: Just gimme a minute, huh?
BRENNAN: Booth. Booth.
(Booth starts to jump around and play air guitar)
BOOTH: Yeah!
BRENNAN: (shouting over the noise) Shouldn't we try to talk to Simon?
(Booth continues to play air guitar, ignoring her.)
BRENNAN: Booth!
(Brennan's had enough. She goes up to the stage and unplugs the guitar from the amp.)
BOOTH: Whoa, whoa.
ERIK DALTON: Who unplugged me?! No one unplugs me!
BOOTH: (to Brennan) He's right. No one unplugs Erik Dalton.
BRENNAN: Well, apparently, I do. It was the only way to get your attention.
ERIK: Get her out of here, Simon.
BRENNAN: (to Erik) You're- you're yelling unnecessarily, probably due to hearing loss from the music you play.
SIMON: What do you think you're doing?
BOOTH: Okay, uh, listen. Simon Graham, (Booth holds up his badge) FBI. We just have to ask you a few questions about Richard Cole.
SIMON: Richard Cole? What the hell is this? I'm running a business here.
BOOTH: I understand. It's not gonna take long. (to Erik - plugging his guitar back into the amp) Dude, I'm sorry.
(Erik starts playing again - Booth holds up his finger to Simon and signals "one minute". He'll talk to him after he's done.)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office.)
ARASTOO: I've identified 83 injuries to the skeleton that occurred either at the time of death or in the washing machine. I can't tell which.
HODGINS: So, no cause of death.
ARASTOO: Not without evidence from hemorrhagic staining and these remains went through a wash cycle with industrial strength bleach. I was pitching a no hitter and now I can't find the plate.
HODGINS: This baseball thing? You allowed to play?
ARASTOO: No. The Qur'an strictly forbids baseball. lacrosse, of course, and board games with hungry hippos.
HODGINS: That's a yes, with an additional comment on my ignorance.
ARASTOO: I was a state All-Star in high school. I even got scouted by a couple of farm teams
HODGINS: No way.
ARASTOO: Yeah. I still play on the weekends. My mosque is in a league. We play against churches and synagogues.
HODGINS: Wow.
ARASTOO: You should join us sometime.
HODGINS: Oh, come on. I can't be on an all-Muslim team. I'm a lapsed Episcopalian.
ARASTOO: No, every team has a few ringers. The Jews have a Unitarian batting 400.
HODGINS: Really? Huh. Never tried to beat the infidels before.
ARASTOO: As long as you find something in your washer goop that helps me determine cause of death, you can play short stop.
HODGINS: You're on.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters. Sweets meets Booth as he's getting off the elevator)
SWEETS: Hey, is it true that Simon Graham's here?
BOOTH: Yeah. He's in the conference room.
SWEETS: Okay. I can provide a valuable insight, Agent Booth. The man practically invented a rock sub-culture. You need me.
BOOTH: You just want to meet him.
SWEETS: There's a little of that, yes, but I'll be professional. You know I'm a good profiler.
BOOTH: Okay. Professional.
SWEETS: Yes. Sure. Okay. Do you know how many seminal rock concert tours he's managed?
BOOTH: The guy's a god but may be a murdering god. So, use your ears, not your mouth. Just listen. You understand?
SWEETS: Yeah.
(Cut to: FBI Headquaters - Conference Room.)
SIMON: My camp is for people who love music. Not wannabes in designer jeans and fancy guitars they never touch.
BOOTH: You describing Richard Cole?
SIMON: Well, yeah, he's the idiot that wanted me to turn him into Jimmy Page when the only guitar that he ever played came from a video game, I mean
SWEETS: That would offend you. That's a personal affront as someone who's dedicated their life to nurturing real musicians.
SIMON: Well, shouldn't it?
BOOTH: What can you tell me about The Stock Yard.
SWEETS: Oh, it's a famous rock club in downtown Baltimore. All the greats used to play there. Mr. Graham used to run it in the 80's. You weren't asking me. Sorry.
BOOTH: Once Cole's deal went through, he was gonna tear it down, wasn't he?
SWEETS: That's why you and Cole were fighting, right?
SIMON: Yeah, we settled that though.
BOOTH: What are you talking about?
SIMON: Well, Cole said that he'd leave the club alone if I let him do one song with Erik Dalton at the end of camp night.
SWEETS: Erik Dalton was one of your guests? Erik Dalton's one of your guest stars?
BOOTH: He blackmailed you. So did you agree to let Cole play with Dalton?
SIMON: Well, yeah. This is The Stock Yard we're talking about.
BOOTH: How did Dalton feel about that?
SIMON: How do you think he'd feel? Listen, guys, do you mind if I go back to work?
BOOTH: Sure.
SWEETS: Yeah. One-one quick question. Bar fight: who wins? Prince and the New Power Generation or Korn.
SIMON: (standing) Never mess with Prince.
(He leaves.)
SWEETS: (to Booth) Never mess with Prince.
(He exhales and raises his hand as to say - slow down there, kiddo)
(Cut to: Royal Diner. Michelle and Cam are at the counter eating lunch.)
CAM: Honestly, I think you'll like Dr. Lidner and you should have someone else to talk to..especially if there's anything - anything you prefer I didn't know about.
MICHELLE: I told you, Perry and I are not having s*x.
CAM: I know and I believe you but you're growing up and your body - it's a woman's body now, not a child's and you should treat it like a woman and I'm gonna stop talking now.
MICHELLE: It's no big deal, Cam. It's just a doctor.
CAM: I know, it just means your growing up, for real.
MICHELLE: And you don't quite know how to handle that.
CAM: What? No...yeah, kinda but I will, we will, right? I mean, you don't know how to handle me, either. Do you? Because that would be embarrassing.
MICHELLE: We're fine, Cam.
CAM: Because you and Perry aren't having s*x, right? Okay, okay. Fry?
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Bone Room. Arastoo is still looking over the skeleton when Hodgins and Angela enter.)
HODGINS: How's it going?
ARASTOO: Dr. Brennan's waiting for cause of death. At this rate, I'm gonna be John Gochnaur.
ANGELA: Okay, boys, I'll bite. Who is John Gochnaur?
ARASTOO: Worst Major League Baseball player ever.
HODGINS: Cleveland Indians. 187 batting average. Zero home runs and 146 errors.
ANGELA: Well, is that bad?
HODGINS: Yeah. It's incomprehensibly bad. (handing a tray to Asastoo.) Here, this might help. If found it in the washing machine cache.
ARASTOO: What is it?
HODGINS: Well, it's bone, so that's your department.
ARASTOO: (looks into the microscope) Cross-hatching. May be bone, but it isn't human.
HODGINS: What is it?
ARASTOO: It can't be...
HODGINS: What can't it be.
ARASTOO: It's a piece of bone - tusk, actually - from a Wooly Mammoth
HODGINS: There was a prehistoric elephant in the washer with him? What are you, nuts?
ARASTOO: No. It has schreger lines on the grain - it's a Wooly Mammoth but no help to me.
ANGELA: I wouldn't be so sure about that.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Angela is showing Brennan, Hodgins and Arastoo something on the big screen)
ANGELA: See how this top edge curves? Now, if the curved continued - and then down here, before it got worn away in the washer - there was a point..
BRENNAN: A guitar pick.
ANGELA: Exactly.
BRENNAN: Wait. Why would someone want a guitar pick made of extinct prehistoric mammal.
ANGELA: Well, according to my dad, guitarists have this thing about their picks: different materials make different sounds.
HODGINS: Brian May uses and English penny.
ANGELA: My dad uses a Nicaraguan Cordoba. Some guys use tortoise shells or uh, a sharks tooth.
BRENNAN: Do you know of any famous guitarist who use Wooly Mammoth picks?
ANGELA: Erik Dalton.
ARASTOO: Mr. Dalton's pick winded up in the washing machine with a dead body. That poses some serious questions, don't you think?
BRENNAN: Yes, I do.
ANGELA: And Dalton isn't exactly for keeping his cool. Check out this video from a concert in Australia, two years ago.
(She plays the video. Dalton is onstage, playing when a fan jumps on stage and knocks him over. He gets up, punches the guy in the face, throws his guitar on the floor and starts to take more swings at the guy until security comes and breaks up the fight)
HODGINS: This guy has got a seriously short fuse.
(Cut to: Hotel - Erik Dalton's Room. Booth and Brennan are there to talk to him. He's sitting down, strumming an acoustic guitar.)
BOOTH: So Richard Cole stopped showing up for his private rehearsals with you and you don't notice?
ERIK DALTON: Are you kidding me? I was thrilled. I was sick of kissing that guys ass (to Brennan) Hey, what are ya doing, baby? Can I help you with something?
BRENNAN: You have no expertise that would be of value to me.
ERIK: I wouldn't be so sure. Why don't you come sit next to me.
BOOTH: Excuse me, I really like your music, doesn't mean I'm not gonna clock ya, alright? Let's just focus. So, Simon Graham - he pays you a boatload of money and you still treat the campers like crap?
ERIK: Guys a poser, dude. I got stuck with an ass-hat who couldn't even play rhythm for Toad the Wet Sprocket.
BRENNAN: Oh, I love them.
ERIK: Hmm. Suddenly, the inside of my pants isn't such a happy place.
BRENNAN: Personally, I find your music discordant and irritating - rather reminiscent of Muruwari death wailing in its capacity to annoy.
BOOTH: So maybe Cole pisses you off. Throw a little coke into the mix. You lose control - I mean, it's not like it hasn't happened before.
ERIK: Hey, man. I've been clean for two years. I even do yoga - and that hurts.
BRENNAN: Booth?
BOOTH: Yeah?
BRENNAN: This splintering is fresh. Something hit the side of this table quite hard and there are scuff marks on the wall beside it that could indicate a struggle.
BOOTH: Did you have a fight in this room?
ERIK: A party. I had some campers over Tuesday night- gives them a story to tell their friends.
(Brennan examines the carpet with a UV light. There are blood stains.)
BRENNAN: There's blood on the carpet.
ERIK: Ah, I don't know anything about that. When things got wild, I left. Caught a cab across town, spent some quality time with a girlfriend.
BOOTH: Well, I'm gonna need that girlfriends name and number.
BRENNAN: And I'm gonna need this carpet.
ERIK: Sure.
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: The Medical Plaza - Waiting Room. Michelle comes out of a door and meets up with Cam.)
CAM: Hey, how did it go?
MICHELLE: Fine. You really didn't need to come with me.
CAM: I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.
MICHELLE: Sure. He's cool. Easy to talk to.
CAM: Good. That's excellent.
DR. LIDNER: Uh, excuse me, Dr. Saroyan. Um, do you have a minute? A couple of insurance questions is all.
CAM: Sure. Be back in a minute.
(Cut to: The Medical Center - Dr. Lidner's Office.)
CAM: Is there a problem with Michelle?
DR. LIDNER: Oh, no, no, no, no. She's-she's great. In perfect health.
CAM: And she spoke to you..about things.
DR. LIDNER: Confidential things. Yeah. I can tell you she's a wonderful girl. But that's not why I wanted to talk to you.
CAM: Right. Insurance.
DR. LIDNER: Uh, not about insurance, either, no.
CAM: Now I'm stumped.
DR. LIDNER: Um, I just thought - Would it be weird if I asked you to, uh, go out with me sometime?
CAM: Ye-Yes, that-that, um...would be weird.
DR. LIDNER: Of course. Uh, very weird.
CAM: Yeah, right? It-it is weird.
DR. LIDNER: Totally. Totally weird.
CAM: But, um, I would say yes.
DR. LIDNER: Really? (Cam nods) That's... great.
CAM: Does that mean you're asking? (Cam's phone rings) Oh. I'm sorry. Excuse me. (she checks her phone) Work. I've got to go.
DR. LIDNER: Oh, I-I am, though.
CAM: What?
DR. LIDNER: Asking. I'll call you?
CAM: I would like that.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - ANgela's Office. Arastoo is showing Brennan and Angela micro-fractures.)
ARASTOO: So we know that the micro-fractures radiate out of each trauma site. These micro-fractures expand until they run into other radiating fractures, which were created by earlier trauma wounds.
ANGELA: Now, the trick is to separate out those points of trauma where the radiating micro-fractures just keep going because there were no earlier fractures to cross paths with.
ARASTOO: In this way, we can identify the perimortem fractures, and therefore, determine that cause of death was trauma to the skull and chest cavity.
BRENNAN: Cole was beaten to death. Excellent work.
ARASTOO: Thank you. And Angela, of course. Double play, right?
(They high five.)
ANGELA: Yeah.
BRENANN: I assume you were talking about baseball again, although I have no idea why.
ANGELA: Well, it's baseball season, sweetie. This is when boys like to hit balls with sticks when the snow melts. I don't know why.
BRENNAN: Oh. Well, what about the murder weapon?
ARASTOO: I'm going to make castings of the pertinent injuries.
ANGELA: I'm making him 3- D scans so he can focus on all the un-remodeled fractures.
BRENNAN: Sweets would probably say that the need to hit balls with a large stick shows that you're insecure with your manhood.
ARASTOO: I can assure you...
BRENNAN: I think it's probably just enjoyable to hit things.
(Brennan leaves. Angela laughs.)
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Cam's Office. Cam is talking to Brennan.)
CAM: Erik Dalton's hotel room's a good bet for the murder scene. We found two sets of DNA.
BRENNAN: So, two people bled on this carpet?
CAM: Yes. The first set of DNA belonged to our victim.
BRENNAN: Perhaps the second set belongs to our killer.
CAM: I found traces of Klonopin in the mystery blood, which means, whoever it belongs to either has a panic disorder or epilepsy.
BRENNAN: We should cross-reference the list of campers with the prescription drug database.
(Brennan starts to walk towards the door but then turns back to Cam.)
BRENNAN: Booth seems to like Catherine, don't you think?
CAM: I do. I'm glad. It's been a long time since he's dated anyone.
BRENNAN: I know. It's important for Booth to share his life. I prefer being alone.
CAM: But you're seeing Hacker.
BRENNAN: Yes, and I like him, but not like Booth. I mean not like Booth wants to like someone.
CAM: All organisms evolve and develop along patterns only recognized in retrospect. Your life doesn't exist outside the laws of nature.
BRENNAN: Then, in ignorance, I await my own surprise. Although the odds of it involving a commitment to another person are remote.
CAM: I never thought I'd be dating now; yet I am.
BRENNAN: You met someone.
CAM: I think so. We're going to have lunch.
BRENNAN: It's been quite a while for you.
CAM: And thanks for pointing that out.
(Brennan's receives a text message.)
BRENNAN: Oh, Booth wants me to meet him at the hotel.
CAM: Go. I'll call you if I get a hit on the Klonopin.
(Cut to: Hotel - Stage Area. Students are practicing while Simon is giving some of them instructions.)
SIMON: (O.S.) All right, now reverse on the chords.
(Brennan enters the stage area. Booth is sitting on the Amp pretending to drum, his tie is now around his head, while the students are playing around him.)
BRENNAN: Booth? Booth, I'm not sure this is a worthwhile use of our time.
BOOTH: Why? We're still waiting for an I.D. on the blood, right? I mean, Come on. We've got a few minutes to spare.
BRENNAN: This is pathetic, Booth, pretending to be something you're not. It's dilettante camp.
BOOTH: Okay, listen. What if this was, like, anthropology fantasy camp, and you got to meet...I don't know, uh, Margaret Mead?
BRENNAN: She's dead.
BOOTH: Well, who would you want to meet?
BRENNAN: Me.
BOOTH: You?
BRENNAN: Yes, if I were an anthropology enthusiast, I'd want to go to fantasy camp to meet me.
BOOTH: Ah, come on, Bones. Play along. (The musicians start to play the opening notes to "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner.) It's rock and roll fantasy camp. It's cool, right? You hear that? That is our song. Remember "Hot Blooded"?
BRENNAN: The last time we sang this song, Booth, someone tried to kill you.
BOOTH: Yeah, but it was fun up until the blast, right? Come on.
(BOoth jumps on the stage and starts singing into the microphone)
BOOTH: (singing) I'm hot blooded, check it and see... (he notices Brennan strapping on a guitar) Wait a second. You play the guitar?
BRENNAN: Well, I play the akonting, the folk lute of the Jola tribe, but the guitar is not dissimilar.
(Brennan joins him on stage and starts to stum the guitar. They both start to sing.)
BOOTH & BRENNAN: (singing) Well, I'm Hot blooded. Check it and see. I've got a fever of a hundred and three. Come on, baby, you can do more than dance. I'm hot blooded, hot blooded!
(Brennan rocks on the guitar solo but receives a text message so she stops and checks her phone while Booth keeps rocking out)
BRENNAN: Oh. (to Booth) Cam got an I.D. the other blood found in the hotel room. Fred Keaton. He's also registered here as a camper.
BOOTH: Alright. (excited) One more verse.
(Brennan smiles and starts playing the guitar again, they start singing. They're having a blast)
BOOTH & BRENNAN: (singing) Well, I'm Hot blooded. Check it and see. I've got a fever of a hundred and three. Come on, baby, you can do more than dance. Hot blooded, hot blooded!
BOOTH: Woo!
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth is talking with Fred Keaton.)
FRED KEATON: I didn't do anything.
BOOTH: You took off from fantasy camp. You disappear and you end up hiding out in some cheap motel?
FRED KEATON: I wasn't hiding.
BRENNAN: We know you and Richard Cole had a fight in Erik Dalton's hotel room. Your blood is on the carpet with his.
FRED KEATON: He had it coming, okay?
BOOTH: Well, what was the fight about?
FRED KEATON: I told him I was still hoping to be discovered. I know it's ridiculous, but I've spent years in my garage playing and I'm good. It could happen, right?
BOOTH: Just keep going.
FRED KEATON: Last Monday, we had a jam night at camp. This guy came up to me, told me he's with Rolling Stone. Told me my guitar playing is amazing; he's gonna include me in an article called "The 100 Best Guitarists You've Never Heard Of. "
BRENNAN: Oh, that sounds like a good thing.
BOOTH: Sounds too good, I'm guessing.
FRED KEATON: Then these girls come up, told me I'm going to be a star. Asked if they could keep me company for a few hours.
BRENNAN: What-what for?
BOOTH: s*x, Bones.
BRENNAN; Oh. Quite a lucky night for you.
BOOTH: It was a prank. See, he was messing with you, wasn't he?
FRED KEATON: How was I supposed to know? I called my wife, told her I wanted to take a break. Then at Erik Dalton's party, Cole starts laughing. Tells me the journalist was an actor. And the groupies were...
BOOTH: Professionals.
FRED KEATON: Rich b*st*rd ruined my life.
BRENNAN: Excellent motive for murder.
FRED KEATON: What are you talking about?
BOOTH: Richard Cole is dead and I'm thinking you killed him and took off.
FRED KEATON: No. I left to do damage control. My wife won't even let me in the front door. She wouldn't even talk to me. Look, I have no idea who killed Cole but what he did to me, he deserved it.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Angela's Office. Brennan, Angela, Hodgins and Arastoo are looking at the big screen.)
ARASTOO: Angela scanned the castings I made of the fatal injuries so we can get a better sense of the murder weapon.
ANGELA: Yeah and I cleaned up the edges and these are the shapes that caused the injuries.
HODGINS: Cam said the blood spatter analysis didn't show any drag marks on the carpet from Dalton's hotel room.
ANGELA: Hmm. Which means that Cole wasn't killed there.
BRENNAN: No two of the injuries share the same impact surface area.
ARASTOO: I know. So it appears the guy was hit with various weapons that were each used once.
BRENNAN: Or he was hit multiple times by a weapon with a variety of surface shapes.
ANGELA: Well, you know, this could be a tailpiece.
BRENNAN: A what?
ANGELA: And-and that could be a tremolo arm, which means that those lines are from strings.
HODGINS: Wait a minute. Out victim was beaten to death with a guitar?
BRENNAN: I've actually seen this before. Solid body guitars can prove quite lethal.
ARASTOO: There have to be over 50 guitars at the fantasy camp. Without cause, we can't get warrants for all of them.
ANGELA: Yeah, but that shape. I mean, the bottom is too curved to be a Tele or a Strat, but...it's not an SG because the tailpiece wraps around and then there's the distance to the jack plate. You know, I think we're looking for a '57 Gibson Les Paul.
HODGINS: That is so hot that you know that. Interesting. It's-that's interesting.
ANGELA: Well, it's not like I know every guitar, but I do know the expensive ones.
BRENNAN: How expensive?
ANGELA: I'd say our victim was beaten to death by about a quarter of a million dollars.
(Cut to: Park. Cam and Dr. are sitting on a bench, having lunch with Dr. Paul Lidner.)
CAM: And then after a perfectly nice evening, I could tell he didn't even want to shake my hand. He looked positively pained.
He's a science professor. No. Associate professor. Oh. people get weird when they find out that I handle dead people all day. Now I just say I'm an insurance underwriter.
DR. LIDNER: Oh. Good one.
CAM: Mm-hmm.
DR. LIDNER: I'm an accountant.
CAM: No.
DR. LIDNER: Oh, yeah. No one wants to talk about work with an accountant. Or an insurance underwriter.
CAM: Except other accountants or underwriters.
DR. LIDNER: Mm. (he laughs)
CAM: So, do we share any other great deceptions?
DR. LIDNER: Um... I can make a coin disappear and come out of your ear.
CAM: Ooh. I hate magic. I'm sorry.
DR. LIDNER: Ah. Yeah. Me too. But it always worked for my Uncle Dave. Of course he was in a nursing home.
CAM: Am I smiling like a fool? 'Cause that would be embarrassing.
DR. LIDNER: Ah, well, you look beautiful embarrassed.
CAM: Then I'll keep smiling.
DR. LIDNER: I should get back to the office.
CAM: And I have a murder to solve.
DR. LIDNER: Oh, right.
CAM: Um, what do you say we catch a movie on the weekend?
DR. LIDNER: Yeah.
CAM: I'll see what my parental duties are and give you a call?
DR. LIDNER: Sounds good. Okay.
(Cam leaves)
(Cut to: Royal Diner. Booth, Brennan and Sweets are having lunch.)
BOOTH: Do you remember when Simon told us that Cole showed up at camp with a fancy guitar?
SWEETS: Yeah, he wasn't kidding. A '57 Gibson Les Paul?
BOOTH: Yeah, well, it disappeared at the same time that Cole did.
SWEETS: You think he was killed for his guitar?
BRENANN: All we know is, he was killed with his guitar.
SWEETS: With a '57 Gibson Les Paul. That's like whacking someone with the Mona Lisa.
BOOTH: I got agents checking out dealers in the area. See if anyone tried to sell it.
BRENNAN: Well, unless the killer destroyed it.
BOOTH: Killing something like that would be like killing Altamont or, uh, "Smells Like Teen Spirit. "
SWEETS: You know, the guitar has long been recognized as an unconscious symbol of copulation. The, uh, head and the shaft are phallic, the body feminine. Maybe our killer was acting out of sexual confusion.
BOOTH: Or maybe someone just wanted the guitar.
BRENNAN: Mm-hmm.
BOOTH: Wouldn't you?
SWEETS: Yeah.
BOOTH: Yeah. (he gets a text) Oh, look at this; I got a hit. Dealer in DC got the guitar; said it was brought in by a woman with a pierced eyebrow.
(Cut to: Hotel - Lobby. Bebe is seated, discussing music with )
GINO: Whatever. Jimi Hendrix choked to death on his own vomit.
BEBE: The autopsy was inconsistent and Hendrix's manager confessed to shoving pills and red wine down his throat, hoping to cash in on an insurance policy.
BOOTH: Wow. You really know your rock and roll deaths.
BEBE: Oh, hi again. Yeah, I guess I do.
BRENNAN: We need you to come with us.
BEBE: What for?
BOOTH: We have some unanswered questions about Kurt Cobain's death. We thought maybe you could give us some insight.
BEBE: Seriously?!
BRENNAN: Well, I believe he was being ironic but if you do have information about this Cobain person, I'm sure the FBI would appreciate that too.
BOOTH: Thanks, Bones.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Interrogation Room. Booth is talking to Bebe)
BEBE: Cole is dead. I thought he was just missing.
BOOTH: That why you thought you'd get away with selling his quarter-of-a-million- dollar guitar?
BEBE: How much? That dealer totally ripped me off.
BOOTH: Stay on topic, all right?
BEBE: Okay. After Dalton's party, I snuck into Cole's room and took the guitar. It was sitting on the stand all polished. He usual kept it filthy. I don't know why he suddenly gave a crap about it.
BOOTH: How did you get in?
BEBE: I had a key. We hooked up the first night of camp. You know, after all the loser musicians I dated, I thought I finally found a decent guy, but...
BOOTH: What happened?
BEBE: Cole told me that he was planning on sleeping with every woman at camp as part of his own rock and roll fantasy. He thanked me for being such low-hanging fruit.
BOOTH: So you killed him and you stole his guitar.
BEBE: He was a poseur; he didn't deserve that guitar. Look, I know it was wrong to take it, but I swear to God, I didn't kill him.
(Cut to: FBI Headquarters - Observation Room.)
SWEETS: I believe her.
BOOTH: Me, too. Too bad she's going to prison for grand theft.
BRENNAN: Then who killed Cole?
SWEETS: Well, everything that you've learned about the victim, uh, indicates that he was only interested in the external signifiers of the rock and roll lifestyle, correct?
BRENNAN: Yes, the clothes, the instruments, the groupers.
BOOTH: Groupies, Bones.
BRENNAN: Well, groupers would be more logical. Male groupers have harems of multiple females. If you enter into a social contract with a marine biologist, you should know these things.
BOOTH: Yeah, well, a fish can't play the guitar.
BRENNAN: Well, apparently, neither could Cole.
BOOTH: You don't have to keep bringing up Catherine.
BRENNAN: Well, you're welcome to bring up Andrew.
SWEETS: I have an opinion on motive, if anyone's interested.
BOOTH: Right.
SWEETS: Okay. To a true music fan, the fact that Richard Cole was playing the ultimate guitar would be sacrilegious, profane, even. And the fact that the killer put it back in Cole's room, rather than destroy it, further demonstrates his reverence for rock and roll.
BOOTH: So, you're saying that the music is the motive.
SWEETS: I know it's wrong, but I am liking our killer better than our victim.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab. The guitar is sitting on the stand.)
ANGELA: Oh, wow. This is gorgeous. I wish my dad was here.
CAM: No prints other than those of the dealer.
HODGINS: The killer did an excellent cleaning job.
CAM: Take it apart. See if he missed anything.
ANGELA: Okay, um... I'm not going to watch that.
HODGINS: I'll do it in the Ookey Room. Arastoo, little help here?
(Hodgins grabs the guitar, Arastoo grabs the stand and they leave. Cam sees Michelle.)
CAM: (to Angela) Will you excuse me?
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Hallway. Cam and Michelle are walking to her office.)
MICHELLE: Dr. Lidner left a message at the house.
CAM: Was there anything wrong with your tests?
MICHELLE: No. He was confirming your date for Saturday night.
CAM: Oh. That. Yes. I was going to tell you...
MICHELLE: You're dating my gynecologist!?
CAM: It wasn't my fault. It just happened.
MICHELLE: What? Think about what you'd say if I said that to you.
CAM: I'd ground you. I'm...sorry. We had lunch. We liked each other. That's all. And that was wrong. Very, very wrong.
MICHELLE: Is that why you sent me to him? So you could get a date? I know you haven't seen anyone since I've been living with you.
CAM: No. He's a good doctor, that's all.
MICHELLE: Who just happens to be cute.
CAM: Yes. No. God.
MICHELLE: Why didn't you tell me? Don't you trust me? You have to sneak around behind my back?
CAM: No. Wait. How did we switch roles here?
MICHELLE: I can't go back to him now. That would be extremely skeevy.
CAM: We just had lunch. I swear. I will never see him again. I promise.
MICHELLE: Yes, you will.
CAM: What?
MICHELLE: You've been so focused on being a good mother that you've totally ignored yourself. Do you know what kind of pressure that puts on me?
CAM: No, I... I didn't realize.
MICHELLE: You need a life... for my sake. But don't sneak around behind my back. You two seem like a good fit. Have a little fun but don't go too fast. You're out of practice.
CAM: Excuse me?
MICHELLE: I thought you believed in honesty.
CAM: Oh... all right. I'll go slow. Very, very slow.
MICHELLE: And find me a new doctor. A woman.
CAM: Sure. Right away.
MICHELLE: I've got to get back to school.
CAM: Okay.
MICHELLE: Love you.
CAM: Love you, too.
(Cut to: Medico Legal Lab - Ookey Room.)
ARASTOO: What do you have, Dr. Hodgins? Anything? A walk? A single? Don't strike out, please.
BRENNAN: Mr. Vaziri, your obsession with sport will no doubt diminish your mental acuity.
ARASTOO: Oh, on the contrary, Dr. Brennan, baseballs a game built on mathematical certainty, the physics of force and velocity, as well as its anthropological significance as being one of the unifying cultural traditions for Americans.
Hmm. Intellectually, it's quite stimulating, and, uh, I like swinging a bat.
HODGINS: Okay, this fret is cracked.
BRENNAN: What, from impact?
HODGINS: No, no. The cracks are tiny. Yeah, you know, every fret in the lower register is cracked.
ARASTOO: The guitar is old.
HODGINS: Yeah, but that doesn't matter. This is from chlorine. See, the frets are made out of nickel and nickel reacts like this when exposed to chlorine.
BRENNAN: There's a rooftop pool at the hotel. If Cole was murdered there, the killer might have cleaned the guitar with pure chlorine.
HODGINS: That's why it was so clean when Bebe stole it.
ARASTOO: Well, the strings are made out of nickel, too, aren't they?
HODGINS: Yeah, but they're brand-new. I mean, there's no cracking.
ARASTOO: The killer must have known he couldn't get all the blood off, so he didn't even try.
HODGINS: Well, if the killer restrung the guitar, then maybe he left us a little present. Bingo.
BRENNAN: Is that a hair?
HODGINS: Yes. Yes, it is. Purple.
BRENNAN: I think I know whose that is. Someone who would kill to play with Erik Dalton. I believe we would call this a home run.
(Cut to: Hotel Lobby. Gino is up on stage playing the final song of camp with Erik Dalton. All the campers are rocking out. Booth and Brennan make their way through the crowd.)
BOOTH: Guess what, uh, kind of pick Bebe said Gino uses.
BRENNAN: Woolly mammoth?
(They get to the front. Booth sees Gino and hold up his handcuffs to let him know that they're there for him - but they let him finish playing the song.)
CROWD: Whoo!
BRENNAN: Whoo!
GINO: Whoo!
(He jumps off stage and goes over to Booth and Brennan)
GINO: I couldn't let that poser play with it. Go ahead, man. It was worth it.
BOOTH: Yeah, I'm sure it was. Come on.
(He cuffs Gino and leads him away)
GINO: WOO!
(Cut to: Founding Fathers. Booth and Brennan are sitting at the bar, having a beer.)
BOOTH: You know, our killer plays a mean guitar. I'm sure that they have, you know, a band in prison for him.
BRENNAN: You're a very good singer.
BOOTH: Thank you, Bones. And you-you play the guitar in a very interesting fashion.
BRENNAN: I know. Does Catherine play?
BOOTH: I don't know. I've only been out with her twice, Bones.
BRENNAN: Last night, Andrew gave me a CD with music he likes.
BOOTH: Mix-tape, huh? Talk about a social contract.
BRENNAN: That's what I surmised. (she pauses) Our partnership is still important to me. You know that, right?
BOOTH: Sure. Yeah. Die for your, partner. That's the way I look at it.
(After a few seconds..)
BRENNAN: I liked Andrew's taste in music except for a band called Led Zeppelin.
BOOTH: Except for a band called Led Zeppelin?
BRENNAN: (hesitantly) Yes.
BOOTH: What? You kidding me? Led Zeppelin is, like, the best rock and roll band ever. I mean, they had a reunion tour in '07 in London. I would have killed for those tickets.
BRENNAN: Really? My publisher offered me tickets, but when I heard "Zeppelin," I thought it was for some sort of air show.
BOOTH: Air show? You turned down what probably was the last concert that Zeppelin would ever play?
BRENNAN: Are you going to kill me?
BOOTH: You're unbelievable!
BRENNAN: Well, it's just a band, Booth.
BOOTH: It's not just a band, okay? This is Led Zeppelin. You know what? I am your partner. You offer your partner those kind of things.
BRENNAN: I didn't know that!
BOOTH: Offer your partner the tickets.
END. | Plan: A: a rich adventure-seeker; Q: Whose body is found in a hotel laundry machine? A: Rock 'n Roll Fantasy Camp; Q: Where was the last place the adventure-seeker was seen? A: the investigation; Q: What do Brennan and Booth lead outside the lab? A: Angela; Q: Who has knowledge of the music industry? A: Arastoo; Q: Who is the intern who helps Hodgins and Angela with the investigation? A: a fragment; Q: What part of a wooly mammoth tusk was found with the body? A: the music industry; Q: What industry does Angela know about? A: potential suspects; Q: What does Angela connect the evidence to? A: a doctor; Q: What does Cam look for for her daughter Michelle? Summary: When the body of a rich adventure-seeker is found in a hotel laundry machine, Booth and Brennan are led to the last place he was seen: a Rock 'n Roll Fantasy Camp. While Brennan and Booth lead the investigation outside the lab, Hodgins, Angela and intern Arastoo use a fragment of prehistoric wooly mammoth tusk - found with the remains - and Angela's knowledge of the music industry to connect the evidence to potential suspects. Meanwhile, Cam looks for a doctor for her daughter Michelle. |
Pam: Ohhhh! She's absolutely adorable!
Hannah: He.
Pam: ...Oh, sorry. He's--he's dressed all in pink.
Hannah: That's his favorite color.
Pam: ...Oh. That's... fun for him.
Stanley: Fantastic.
Michael: Ohhh, wow. Look at that. How cute.
Hannah: Thank youuu.
Michael: Ohh. May I?
Hannah: Uh, sure!
Michael: [climbs under desk] Hey, look at me, I'm a baby! I'm one of those babies from "Look Who's Talking." What am I thinking? [Laughs] Look at all those staplers! What's a stapler!? I don't even know, I'm a baby! Hey, Mom, I'm thirsty! I'm thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Karen: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Karen: ...Almost done?
Jim: Just about... yup. Now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: Yes. I have started to see Karen. It's very new, and... not really ready to talk about it openly yet, just because, I think, once the word gets out there, it might affect the way people behave around us or... I dunno. Just, not yet.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Yeah, Jan, it um... looks like a check, piece of paper of some sort. Receipt. I don't know.
Angela: Jan, this is Angela Martin from accounting.
Jan: [over phone] Mmhmm.
Angela: Look, we have a rebate from... the Federal Work Opportunity Program and no one knows what that means.
Jan: We get that money for hiring an ex-convict.
Michael: I didn't hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist. [Jan sighs] ... I'm just kidding.
Jan: When did the check come?
Angela: Last week.
Jan: Okay, that's when the branches merged, so Josh must have been taking advantage of this program. Smart move.
Angela: One of the Stamford people is a criminal?
Michael: Hey Jan, speaking of Stamford, Hannah brought in her baby.
Angela: Jan, which one of the new employees is a criminal?
Jan: Uh, reformed convict, and, uh, I'm not sure. Though hang on, let me email our HR, stay on the line.
Pam: [whispering] Who is it?
Michael: Hannah?
Kevin: Hmm.
Angela: Hmm.
Kevin: Andy.
Angela: Andy?
Kevin: Hmm. Martin?
Michael: Kuhhhh... you are such a racist.
Kevin: Wait, why am I a racist?
Michael: Because you think he's black.
Kevin: He is black... right? And...
Michael: Stop it. Stop it right-stop it right now.
Jan: ...Okay it's someone named Martin Nash.
Kevin: Yeah!
Jan: Michael?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy... who went to prison for... polluting a black guy's lake.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kevin: I wonder what he did.
Michael: In our society, a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and... saw some people pushing each other, and he intervened.
Pam: Why would anyone go to jail for that?
Michael: Sssssso, what we need to do... is to forget about this whole Martin in prison thing. People will draw unfair conclusions about Martin and or black people.
Kevin: Cool.
Pam: Okay. Angela?
Angela: Sure. Let's protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that.
Michael: Good. All right. [everyone leaves]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: [picks up phone] Jim Halpert.
Andy: [over phone] I am so horny.
Jim: ...Okay I can't... help you... with that.
Andy: Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.
Jim: She is dating Ryan, I think.
Andy: Oh, and I care why?
Jim: She's... high-maintenance.
Andy: Next. How about... [motions toward Angela]. Blondes are more fun. C'mon, trust me on that.
Jim: Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one.
Andy: Okay fine. Um. Pam, the receptionist. Paaam. Should I go for it?
Jim: ...Absolutely you should.
Andy: Jackpot.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Just... try to be cool.
Dwight: I am cool.
Michael: Okay, are you cool, really?
Dwight: I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm so cool. Tell me what is going on.
Michael: Um... Martin, from Stamford, was, at one time, in prison. [Dwight starts to run] No. Dwight! Be cool! Be cool!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Dwight: I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: All... righty, let's get started. What is she into?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: I know Pam pretty well. I know the things that she likes, and, just as important, I know the things that she hates. So, one of the things that she likes is pranks. And, the things that she hates...
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: Frisbee-based competitions...
Andy: Are you kidding?
Jim: She...
Andy: I started the main Frisbee golf club at Cornell. Where I went to college. I live to frolf.
Jim: Lead off with that. She loves hunting. She also loves those ads for Six Flags, with the old guy. [Andy hums Six Flag ad] Got it. Also... do you speak pig latin?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Hey Martin, how's it going?
Martin: Good. Getting settled, you know?
Michael: Ah. Good good. Good. Just a second. Everybody? May I have your attention please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin here has had some trouble with the law, but I just want to declare publicly that I... trust... him, completely, and that anybody who doesn't is an ignorant, dumb... person. Okay? As a matter of fact, you show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam. Tell me a white person you trust.
Pam: My dad.
Michael: ...Danny Glover. [Jim raises hand] Yeah.
Jim: Jonas Salk.
Michael: Who?
Jim: Justin Timberlake?
Michael: Oh. Please. Colin Powell.
Karen: Hey I got one.
Michael: Yup.
Karen: Jesus.
Michael: Apollo Creed.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants... he says something ordinary like... 'yo, thats shizzle.' Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Martin: So... you all wanna know what I was in for?
Michael: No. That's not cool. You don't have to tell them.
Martin: Um, I really don't mind. It was a stupid mistake. I was working in finance and, I... got involved in some insider trading. So, I spent a little time in the clink.
Michael: [laughs] That is awesome.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kevin: I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because... it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: What was prison like?
Martin: Not terrible. Boring. We do the same thing every day. But... at least we got outdoors time.
Kevin: You got outdoors time?
Martin: Two hours, every day. Sometimes we'd play pickup football games...
Kevin: Michael, why don't we get outdoors time?
Pam: Yeah, some days I never go outside.
Michael: Well, we are running a business, so.
Meredith: What was your cell like?
Martin: Not good. Uh... a little bit bigger than Michael's office... but, you know, I really only slept there. You know, during the day, there-our time's our own. They had uh, classes, I took some... watercolor classes.
Pam: They have art classes?
Martin: Yeap. Yeah.
Ryan: They have business classes there?
Martin: They did, taught by some uh, Harvard business school guys--a lot of the guys also, that were in the class, the inmates, a lot of them have gone on to do extraordinary things in business.
Pam: Kinda sounds like... prison's... better than Dunder-Mifflin.
Michael: Ah. Well. That's not true.
Kevin: I would so rather be in prison.
Ryan: Prison sounds great.
Michael: No you would not.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: This place is not prison. It's... way better than prison.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Creed: [singsong voice] Baby. Hello baby. Here you want to play with this?
Karen: You can't give paperclips to a baby. He could swallow.
Creed: Oh, it's okay. I've got tons of them. You like that? Goo-goo-goo-goo?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. Listen, you're cute. There is no gettin' around it. So... I don't know if you like country music, but I was thinking maybe one of these days we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos... maybe even toss a disk around. Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, Ampay?
Pam: Wow... I--
Andy: Shh. Think about it. I'll hit you back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Wow. That was... wow.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Okay! Listen up everybody! Um, you guys said that prison was better than this place, and I heard ya, loud and clear, so, I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison. We are going to start with an hour of outdoor time. So let's go!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Pam: Michael, it's freezing out.
Phyllis: I can't feel my toes.
Michael: Why don't we... pump some iron? Anyone wanna... pump up?
Jim: What is that, like... five pounds?
Michael: It's uh... two and a half. I'm not going for bulk, I'm going for tone.
Stanley: I'm going back inside.
Michael: Yeah, it's... freaking cold out here. Anybody wants to stay out, you've got about... twenty-seven minutes of rec time.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Oh heyyy. Martiiin. You have TV in the joint?
Martin: Yeah, in the rec room.
Michael: Ah. A ten inch black and white?
Martin: Actually, our TV was bigger than that one.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: These people don't realize how lucky they are. This office is the American Dream. And they would rather be in the hole.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Jim: Oh. Andy. I thought of one last tact you can take with Pam.
Andy: Yeah.
Jim: Quick question - do you play the guitar?
Andy: I play the banjo.
Jim: Hold on, let me think about that, yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
Andy: [singing] You know I can, my man.
Jim: Yup. That's perfect.
Karen: Hey.
Jim: Hey.
Andy: I'm gonna go get my banjo out of my car.
Jim: Perfect.
Karen: What is going on?
Jim: ...I'm messing with Andy. I'm sending him to all the women in the office with... just... terrible information on how to get them to go out with him.
Karen: I love it. I want in. Who's the target?
Jim: ...Oh, you know what? ... It was... gonna be Pam, but...
Karen: Perfect. What do I do? Just give me an assignment.
Jim: Uh, you know what though? I feel like I already sicked him on Pam... we'll give her a break. Let's think of someone else.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: All right everybody, there has been a lot of name calling against our office today. Corporate maligning, slurring, much of it coming from one of you, who claims that prison is better... than... here. And none of can say "Boo" because none of us have ever been to prison. Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet. Somebody else who has been to prison, who can tell you what it is really like [puts on bandanna]. I'm prison Mike! You know why they call me prison Mike?!
Angela: Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?
Michael: Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?! [employees protest] All right, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's just the way we talk in the clink. Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight. I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIGHT!! In prison you are somebody's bitch. Oh, and you. [points to Ryan] You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap!
Ryan: Michael, please. [Michael makes kissing noises]
Jim: Where... did you learn all of this?
Michael: Internet.
Jim: So, not prison.
Michael: And prison. Eh, fifty-fifty, both. Look, prison stinks, is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home, and, recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and, be with your friends, having fun in the office.
Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike?
Michael: I stole. ... And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the... president's son. And held him for ransom.
Jim: That is... quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.
Michael: And I nevah got caught, neither.
Jim: Well, you're... in... prison, but, mmhmm.
Pam: Prison Mike? What was the food like in prison?
Michael: Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.
Andy: Wow. Prison sounds horrible.
Michael: Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Andy. Tanks.
Dwight: Prison Mike. What's the very very worst thing about prison?
Angela: Don't encourage him, Dwight.
Michael: The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors. They... were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they'd come down, and they'd suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!
Karen: Demen-Dementors like in Harry Potter?
Michael: No, not Harry Potter. ... There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who... have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody's bitch. I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me. Letting me be a part of your life today. 'Cause you got a good life! YOu got a good life. A good life. [turns around, takes bandanna off] So. What do you think? It doesn't sound so great, does it?
Pam: Wow. Thank you. Um, that must have been hard for you to relive that. Both of you.
Martin: Yeah, that... wasn't really... at all my experience. There were certain elements of what you performed, I've seen on television. But it didn't remind me of my time in prison.
Michael: Okay. Okay, fine. You guys think prison is so great? All right. Well, here you go. [locks employees in conference room]
Jim: Okay, Michael. Come on. Let us out.
Michael: No! If you think is prison is so wonderful, then, enjoy prison! They are such babies. I am going to leave them in there until they can appreciate what it's like to have freedom. And if this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kevin: [knocking on door] Hey! Let us out of here! Hey! I have--
Hannah: Shh!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: [answering phone] This is Toby. Hey Pam. Where are you calling from?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Toby: Michael. Why's everyone locked in the conference room?
Michael: They were very disrespectful to me, and to the office. And Martin has had a bad influence, to think that I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Toby: Well, you're going to have to let 'em out. Or... or I will.
Michael: Okay. You know what Toby? I am teaching them a lesson, so.
Toby: You know they're teasing you. I mean... obviously, this is... a much nicer place than an actual prison. We get paid to be here. We go home afterwards and have social lives. We have... we have parties here. They're teasing you. To be funny.
Michael: [unlocks door] Okay nutcases, get out of there! Good work. Long day. Really long. Why don't you guys head home. Early. Time off for good behavior! Heh. Good job. Enjoy your freedoms!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Michael: Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford... to a convict, to... my friend. Back to a convict. Then to... a kind of a nuisance, actually, to be completely honest. And finally, to... a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Andy: [singing] So we've been told, and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong, wait and see, 'cause one day we'll find it, the ainbowray onnectionkay, the lovers, the dreamers, and meeee... | Plan: A: Michael; Q: Who gives a presentation on the miseries of prison? A: Martin; Q: Who quits rather than continue working with Michael? A: Stamford; Q: What company did Martin work for before Dunder Mifflin Scranton? A: a former criminal; Q: What is Martin's background? A: a white-collar prison; Q: Where did Martin spend his time in prison? A: Dunder Mifflin Scranton; Q: What prison does the staff wonder if Martin's prison is better than? A: television prisons; Q: Where did Michael get his ideas about prison from? A: the conference room; Q: Where does Michael lock his employees after his presentation? Summary: Michael learns that Martin, one of the former Stamford employees, is a former criminal. The staff learns that his time was spent in a white-collar prison, and begins to wonder if Martin's prison is better than Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Michael then gives a presentation on the miseries of prison, with most of his ideas fueled from television prisons. Bitter that he is not being taken seriously, he then locks his employees in the conference room. At the end of the day, Martin decides to quit rather than continue working with Michael. |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Seabass: Pretty girl. Friend of yours?
Calhoun: She could be your friend, too.
Seabass: You're the only other person who knew which properties we wanted. Who's doing it, and how do they know?
Calhoun: I honestly don't know.
How about a starter tap?
Boyd: We're gonna need help.
Carl: This someone we can trust?
Boyd: I have a problem that can only be solved with your wealth of expertise.
Carl: Who in the hell was that again?
Boyd: That's Ava's uncle.
Limehouse: Running is a mistake. That's how they find you. You need new papers, a new life.
Raylan: And what about an I.D.? You got a new I.D.? Hmm? That's the only way to get off the grid.
Ava: No, I don't. I didn't think. I didn't plan. I just ran. You should go.
Raylan: If you don't mind, I was just thinking I'd stick around for a bit. 6x06 - "Going Under"
[brakes squeal, engine shuts off]
Boyd: Raylan Givens.
I thought that was your car out front ... either that or someone's on their way to the airport.
Raylan: I'm gonna ask you some questions, Boyd. If I feel you ain't being truthful, we're gonna get in my car, but it won't be to go to the airport.
Boyd: Well, I'm glad to hear you say that.
Suggests you're here on some kind of marshal business.
Lot of the guys I knew in prison were there 'cause they'd walked in and found their girls with another man... in a non-business context. Baby... did you get the Cayenne and the Henry Bain?
Ava: No point making fried chicken without.
Boyd: Well, how long has our guest been here without you offering him a drink? Raylan, you want a drink?
Raylan: I want to know about Dewey Crowe.
Boyd: That boy? What's he done now?
Raylan: A lot of things, I imagine, but the reason I'm asking is 'cause I was supposed to meet up with him, continue a conversation.
Boyd: I never found Dewey Crowe to be much of a conversationalist.
Raylan: He has his moments. Guess it depends on the subject at hand. This one concerned a little trip I took down to old Mexico.
Boyd: You know, the last time we spoke, you told me you'd been transferred to Florida. Yet you're not gone.
Raylan: That's a keen observation.
Boyd: Makes me think maybe there's something here... you're having a hard time letting go of.
Raylan: I'll allow it's easier for me to let go of things if I feel like they've been left in good hands.
Boyd: [chuckles]
Raylan: Dewey Crowe?
Boyd: Well, it seems to me, the last time I saw Dewey Crowe, he was heading over to the Pizza Portal, all spun up. Gonna give a couple fellas over there a piece of his mind.
Raylan: "Couple fellas" meaning "Avery Markham"? All I can say I know that man.
Raylan: Funny. He knows you. He went on and on about how he knows everybody in these hollers ... Crowders, Bennetts. Didn't know sh1t about my family, though.
Boyd: Well, then, there you go. This is your chance to see to it he remembers you.
Raylan: 'Cause if I'm looking for Dewey, going at Markham would be my best bet?
Boyd: Well, I don't know, Raylan. But I do know you ain't gonna find him in Ava's kitchen.
Raylan: Maybe you just want me to do your dirty work.
Boyd: I can take care of myself. It's Ava that I'm worried about. You see, I want to ensure Harlan has a future... for us and whoever else we might bring into this old world. Now, Raylan, there any way I can talk you into staying for supper? Seems Ava has bought enough to feed an army.
Ava: Anyone but me just plain tired of the bullshit burdens of Southern hospitality?
Boyd: Well, now easy, baby. Ain't no reason to be rude to an old friend.
Ava: If you want to have chicken dinner with your old friend ... who barged in without benefit of invitation, by the way ... go ahead, but you're gonna have to fry it up yourself.
Raylan: That's all right. As I recall, last time we all gathered for Ava's chicken, things ended unpleasantly.
Boyd: Well, we can promise to keep 'em holstered.
Raylan: Where's the fun in that? Maybe this time, things end different.
Raylan: I'm sure it would. See you around, Boyd. Ava.
Seabass: Paden and Comstock are on the vault?
Walker: They're the night shift. It's the night.
Seabass: Where's Mr. Markham?
Walker: Lexington.
Seabass: You gonna tell him what happened?
Walker: How many men you think we've killed?
Seabass: [chuckles lightly]
You serious?
Walker: Between the three of us, you figure we've got a hundred?
Choo-Choo: That sniper guy said he got 255 all by his lonesome. But, you know, take that with a grain of salt, since he was a Seal.
Seabass: Look, top, he's got next to no blood on him, okay? He didn't sh1t himself, as far as I can tell, so-so we wrap him in something, and we drive him up a goat trail into some of these shit-thick woods they got around here. Okay. Choo-Choo, go get that rug we saw in the other room. Say that holds. What else is gonna bite us? Fingerprints in here don't matter. He was our realtor. Did you call him tonight?
Choo-Choo: The girl.
Walker: What girl's that? Calhoun's whore. She saw us come in.
Walker: Do you know how to find her?
Seabass: Well, I figure her number's in his phone ... probably the last one he called.
Walker: All right. See can you set up a date with her. Then you smash Calhoun's phone, you pick her up, take her someplace private...
Seabass: Why can't Choo-Choo do the girl?
Walker: Because Choo-Choo's gonna be helping me with this heavy-ass son of a bitch. Something else you want to say, sergeant?
Seabass: Yeah, Choo-Choo ought to clean up after his own mess.
Choo-Choo: Well, you could've stopped this by letting me deal with the bartender. Instead, you got to let her skim and get me all boiled up.
Walker: Seems to me, sergeant, you need a refresher in "unit cohesion" ...
Seabass: This ain't the army anymore, top. Okay? I'm tired of you asking me to carry his dumb ass!
Choo-Choo: I'll do her. All right? This ... This here's my screw-up. It's my duty to set it right.
[title music]
♪ On this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪
♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul, god, get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogard, fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road, trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome, pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
[vehicle approaching]
[brakes squealing]
Zachariah: I swear to god, looking at you, alls I can think of is that skinny little girl always used to follow me around, always wanting to check the batteries in my head lamp.
Ava: [chuckles softly]
Guess I just wanted to see to it you didn't come to the same end as my daddy. Your daddy didn't die 'cause the light went out in his lamp. Light went out in his lamp 'cause he was down there damn near a week before we could get to him.
Ava: You know, I would lie in bed at nit, scared to close my eyes, imagining what it must've been like for him down there, all alone in the dark.
Zachariah: Eh. He more than likely died in the collapse. Probably happened so damn fast, he never knew what hit him.
Ava: You don't have to lie to me, Uncle Zachariah. I'm not a little girl anymore. Make it a whole lot easier on me if you was. Tell you the truth, I ... I always found grown-ups to be mystifying ... more so myself since I... got to be one. Now, your daddy, he'd have known how to warn you off marrying that no-good son of a bitch.
Ava: He wouldn't have got any further than you did. Yeah.
Ava: Fact is, nothing in the world was gonna talk me out of Bowman till I realized... there was a demon inside him. And what about Boyd?
Ava: What about him?
Zachariah: He ain't got the demon?
Ava: Boyd is nothing like Bowman. Yeah, he's a Crowder.
Ava: Now, that's awful strange talk, seeing as you're here working for him.
Zachariah: I got bills to pay, Ava.
[i]Boyd: You got to buy your own food. Well, I hate to interrupt what I hope has been a touching reunion. Baby, Earl's all moved into the guest room. he knows to stay out of your hair, but he also knows to be ready in case he needs to take you somewhere. Ain't there something you need to say?
Earl: Uh, thank you for, very much, the hospitality, Ms. Crowder.
Ava: You're very welcome. Well, Zachariah, what say we get to it?
Ava: Could you two excuse us for a moment?
Zachariah: Seeing you is a tonic.
Ava: You sure it's such a hot idea hiring on Zachariah? I mean, I know it's been a while, but, uh... I imagine I don't have to remind you how he is.
Boyd: Baby, I'm fully aware of your Uncle's eccentricities, but I need his expertise. Don't worry. He ain't working for me. He's just working for me. You ready? You take your truck, I take mine.
[door closes, engine turns over]
Katherine: Oh, thank god ... coffee.
Jesus H. Christ.
Markham: [chuckles] That's not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. You gonna say anything else?
Katherine: No. "No," you're not gonna say anything or, "no," you won't marry me?
Katherine: Could you close that box? I can't think with that thing staring at me.
Markham: Oh, come on. It's what people do, isn't it?
Katherine: It's not what we do. Not well, anyway.
Markham: Maybe we could change that.
Katherine: Look, it's simple ... I don't want to be married anymore. I've been married. So have you ... multiple times, if I'm not mistaken. History suggests we're not very good at it.
Markham: None of my marriages was to you.
Katherine: Oh, my god. You're so full of sh1t.
Markham: I didn't come back here just to get into the weed business, Katherine. I'm not asking you to make up your mind right now.
Katherine: All right, Avery. I will think about it. That is all I'm gonna promise.
Markham: There is one other thing.
Katherine: Isn't there always?
I want you to come clean. "Come clean" about what?
Markham: Grady. Okay. You got me. I cheated on Grady. 'Course, I would've thought you would've known that, seeing's how you were the one I cheated on him with.
I'm not talking about you stepping out on him.
Talking about you snitching him. I understand why you did it. Family to think about. Couldn't have both of you going to prison.
Katherine: You think that I was the rat?
Markham: It was why I got out of here. Figured I was next. You've thought that all these years. Why the hell would you want to marry me?
Markham: I've made my peace with it.
Katherine: Well, that's very generous of you, except for one little thing ... I didn't do it.
Markham: Well, either way, far as I'm concerned, the past is the past. Here on in, as long as you're straight with me, You'll never have cause to worry another day in your life.
Det. Costanzo: Hell of a thing.
They bury him up here next week, we don't find him for a year.
Det. Hughes: sh1t, like as not we never find him.
Tim: How's that?
Raylan: Bear season.
Det. Costanzo: Started this morning, ends Monday night or after five females are harvested.
Det. Hughes: Other than that, the only people who ever get up here are ATV'ers, but they don't have dogs.
Det. Costanzo: And on top of that run of luck, we go through the guy's pockets, find not only a driver's license but a calling card from the United States Marshals service.
Det. Hughes: Some murders the good lord just wants to see solved.
Raylan: Anything on the doer?
Det. Costanzo: Yeah, so far we got two sets of distinct footprints, most likely male, one set of tire depressions from a late-model car ... likely a sedan ... not much wear on the treads.
Tim: That's it?
Det. Costanzo: Well... we know the killer's got to be stronger than sh1t.
Det. Hughes: Yeah. At first, we thought he used a baseball bat ... You know, laid it right across the Vic's temple. Look closer, though, you can see the knuckle marks. He was punched to death?
Det. Hughes: Sure as hell was. Now, the marks suggest a single hit ... that guy looks like he got run over by a truck.
Raylan: Or a train?
Det. Costanzo: Well, like I said, stronger than sh1t.
Det. Hughes: Place we're still weak is motive. Real-estate brokers don't tend to get themselves murdered. Now, we're thinking maybe this Schreier fella got caught up in something on the federal radar. You know, maybe that's what got him beat to death.
Det. Costanzo: Yeah. So, I guess what we're really asking is, um... you know... how come he had your card on him?
Raylan: He's my realtor.
[bar music]
Markham: Deputy U.S. Marshal Givens.
And his sidekick. Suppose it's too much to hope you're here to say you've reconsidered my offer. Gonna advise Ms. McCready to do the same.
Raylan: 'Fraid not.
Markham: Just a social call, then? "People will say we're in love."
Tim: Actually, we're here to talk to you about a murder.
Markham: Would you excuse us a moment, darlin'?
Markham: And who am I supposed to have killed?
Tim: Well, we've heard that'd be quite a list.
You don't mind, we'll just focus on the last 24 hours.
Raylan: Calhoun Schreier. Ha! That's my realtor.
Raylan: Was. Mine, too, as it happens. Guess we're both in the market for someone new. I assure you, deputy, if somebody killed old Calhoun, this is the first time I'm hearing of it.
Raylan: Say, I don't see my man Choo-Choo. He ain't dodging me, is he?
Walker: He's out.
Tim: Yeah? We go look around back, we're not gonna find him trying to hide behind a coat rack?
Seabass: Choo-Choo don't need to hide from you. You want to take him on, you best call in an airstrike.
Tim: Mm.
Raylan: You know where I think you went wrong? You hired a bunch of mercs 'cause they look the sh1t in jungle fatigues. Turns out, they know killing, but they don't know crime. You see Choo-Choo... you be in touch.
Tim: Silver lining ... you keep that card on you, cops ever find you buried in a shallow grave, they know to give us a call.
[bell rings]
Markham: Seems you boys have something to tell me.
[music]
Caprice: You Choo-Choo?
Yeah.
Caprice: Wasn't sure if I heard it right over the phone. Is that your real name?
Choo-Choo: It's what they call me.
Caprice: How come? Not really sure.
Caprice: Okay. Uh, I was surprised you wanted to meet me here. Figured it was a lower class of girl that works the street.
Caprice: Well, I'm not working the street. I just don't meet new guys at my place.
Choo-Choo: Yeah. No, I meant... a girl as pretty as you are... you know, clean and all...
Caprice: No, it's all right. I know what you meant. Good thing about people thinking you're dumb is, they tend to give you the benefit of the doubt.
Caprice: What makes you think people think you're dumb?
Choo-Choo: [chuckles] It's all right. Before my "alive day," if I'd met a guy that looks and talks the way I do now, I'd have thought the same thing.
Caprice: You'd be amazed how many guys think that if they talk fast enough, no one'll realize they got nothing to say. I like the way you take your time. It's like all you want is for the other person to understand.
Choo-Choo: You ever wish things wouldn't have to be the way they are?
[music]
You know, like, if you... close your eyes and open them, things would be different?
Zachariah: Boyd, you take the lead. And you spring chickens, you follow me down, and don't go down this damn ladder too fast. I don't want you stepping on my goddamn hands.
[laughs]
Turn your lights on.
[grunts]
Ain't nothing to be scared of.
You only have to come down far enough to still maintain radio contact on that cable I strung.
[grunts]
If anything happens, you call that rescue number I gave you.
Then you call a lawyer. [coughs] 'Cause we're gonna need one. Oh, it's been a while.
[generator whirring]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, son. You brought a gun into a mine shaft? What the hell you think's gonna happen? You shoot that thing off down here with some of this firedamp that's been building up in some of these gas pockets for god knows how long, I'll tell you what's gonna happen. We're gonna go up like the 4th of July. That's what's gonna happen. Hell, it'll be so damn loud, they'll probably hear us from West Virginia.
Carl: Yeah, well, I always heard an abandoned mine's a likely place to stumble into a rattlesnake nest, so...
The Pig: Carl don't like snakes. Well, why don't you ask him how feels about burning to death?
Boyd: Give it over. Come on. Now look here ... you come across a rattlesnake or a bear or a chupacabra, you use this and give them what for. Pig? All right. We'll see you, Carl. Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[indistinct conversations]
Rachel: So that's who's in my parking spot.
Less-secure woman than myself might worry you were looking over her shoulder.
Art: Hey, it's free coffee. Plus, the docs gave me the green light to start driving, so I'm celebrating.
Rachel: If you were celebrating, you'd be at the gun range.
Art: That's exactly where I'm going right after I get your take on something.
Rachel: Something about Raylan?
Art: Why, no, as it happens. Wasn't the hale task force one of the first jobs you worked?
Rachel: First big one, anyway. 21-year-old girl fresh out of Glynco.
Art: Do you happen to have an idea who the U.S. Attorney's snitch might've been?
Rachel: Snitch? That case was made on wiretaps. Whole reason why they couldn't get Katherine was 'cause she never talked on the phone.
Art: Yeah, I know there wasn't ever an official C.I., but Poole always hinted that he had an inside man.
Rachel: Didn't you tell me you'd never end up being one of those old lawmen who spent his golden years obsessed with his old cases?
Art: All right, first of all, let's watch it with the "golden years" sh1t.
Second of all, this is just an old case.
It's not my old case. It's just an old case. And third, sometimes a man's just got to find a way to get out of the house. Could it have been Markham?
Rachel: That makes sense. Turns out he was making time with Katherine ... still is, as a matter of fact, or is again ... that is, if I can trust our C.I.
Art: I'll be goddamned. What do you mean trust your C.I.? Is Ava doing something that makes you not trust her? I think she tried to run yesterday. That or she and Raylan are back sleeping together or both.
Art: How sure are you of that? Movement on their phones indicates she ran and he brought her back.
Art: [scoffs] What a dumbass. You want some advice? Figure since you're already here...
Art: Bring Raylan in and see if you can confirm what your gut is telling you. And if you can ...
Rachel: If I can, I'll have to pull him.
Art: Maybe. Probably.
Rachel: Which'll mean terminating Ava as a C.I., which means we're starting this case over from scratch.
Is that what you'd do? You'd let it go. Wouldn't risk the case just to save your own ass.
Raylan: Either Markham's a hell of an actor or he really didn't know what his boys did to Calhoun.
Tim: Well, he knows now. Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes.
[cellphone vibrating]
Tim: You just come up with that?
I read it somewhere.
Tim: Well, do me a favor and say it again slow so I can write it down. Tammy Lee's beauty and hair.
Ava: It's "Tammy Lee's Beauty Shop"... but I guess if Boyd's paranoid enough to call through all my contacts, the name of the salon would be the least of our problems.
Raylan: You all right?
Ava: I'm fine.
Raylan: Why are you whispering?
Ava: Boyd's got me a babysitter.
He says it's in case Markham makes a move. You believe that?
Ava: I guess I have to.
I believed him when he said he cares about our future.
Raylan: Yeah, me too. It's how I knew I could leave.
Zachariah came over this morning. Boyd's got him working.
I don't know on what, but I'll try and find out.
I guess I gotta go. I just wanted you to know that I was working.
Raylan: Ava, just 'cause Boyd thinks he's in love, don't make you Nancy Drew trying to earn your "Junior G-man" badge.
No phone calls if someone's close enough you got to whisper.
And thank you.
Ava: I live to serve.
Tim: She's back on track, huh? Yeah.
Tim: How'd you manage that?
Raylan: How did I manage that? I wonder. What do you think?
Tim: Oh, I'm trying not to.
Duffy: It makes a statement.
Katherine: It's as big as a goddamn pomegranate.
Did you know size is only one of the four C's of diamond quality ... you've also got color, clarity... can't think of the fourth.
Katherine: You got something on your mind?
Mike: "Size" doesn't start with a "C."
Duffy: Carat-weight, Mikey.
Katherine: Wynn!
Duffy: What's on my mind? Uh, yeah. Just, uh, you got to hand it to the guy ... he's sure done a number on you.
Katherine: What does that mean?
Duffy: Cut. The fourth "C." Although it still feels like there's one more. Maybe it's five C's.
Katherine: Okay, you want to stop screwing around and tell me what is on your mind?
Duffy: Were you the snitch? Of course not.
Duffy: Well, somebody was. And what better way to get you thinking it can't have been him than to say he thinks it was you? Did you let on that you suspected him?
Katherine: Well, give me a little credit.
Duffy: I give you all the credit in the world. In that case, please know I know when I'm being patronized.
Duffy: Okay. Avery Markham has been in this game a long time, Watched god knows how many others end up locked up, dead, or both.
Katherine: And the fact that he hasn't gone down doesn't necessarily mean he's a rat. It could just mean he's good.
Duffy: And the fact that he asked you to marry him doesn't mean he's not playing you. You want me to look into it, see if I can dig something up, prove it was him or something proves that it wasn't? I'm just not sure it matters. Either way, we're gonna have to kill him.
Katherine: Oh, it matters. If he's playing me, we're gonna have to kill him slow. You don't need me to tell you. You know what has to be done.
Walker: Choo-Choo's a rock. He'd never give us up.
Markham: Not on purpose. Feds have got guys that spend their whole lives tying people in knots ...
Walker: I'm not... Choo-Choo and I were in the sandbox together.
Markham: I know.
Walker: I was in the humvee right behind his when he got blown up. I.E.D. flipped them over, then landed on our hood. Crushed their gunner like a bug on our windshield. Choo-Choo's in the captain's seat. [chuckles] We got that door open... You wouldn't think anybody could be alive in there. Medics... picking splinters of the driver's bones out of his face... He lives through that? No.
Markham: One morning when I was in I corps, We found a dead Cong who'd stepped in a punji pit in the dark. Thing about punji sticks, they're not meant to kill. A dead soldier reduces the force against you by one, but a wounded soldier slows down a whole unit. Cong used to cover their stakes with human sh1t, make the wounds infect. But rather than being a drag on his comrades, make them carry him back, this feller just decided to put a gun in his mouth.
Walker: One man dies so the others can live.
Markham: Anybody can run a peacetime command.
Real leadership's about making the hard choices.
[cellphone rings]
Walker: Choo-Choo, sitrep.
Choo-Choo: I been thinking... maybe there's another way.
Walker: What's that mean?
The girl ... I don't think she'd burn us.
Walker: And how did you arrive at that conclusion?
Choo-Choo: She told me.
Walker: She told you... you didn't need to kill her because she wouldn't turn us in?
Choo-Choo: Yeah, I know how it sounds.
Walker: Is she there with you right now?
Choo-Choo: Yeah.
Walker: This seems like this a conversation we should be having face-to-face.
Where are you, exactly?
[music in headphones]
Earl: S-Sorry, ma'am. My music too loud?
Ava: Only if you care about your hearing.
Earl: That's whole point of thrash ... got to be loud enough to drive everything else out of your head.
Ava: I thought your generation was all about ear buds. Sit down.
Earl: I don't like feeling anything inside my canals.
Ava: First you call me "ma'am," and then you don't blink after I put us in separate generations.
Makes me wonder how old you think I am. [chuckles]
Earl: No, ma'am ... I mean, Ms. Crowder ... I-I know exactly how old you are. My brother Carl was a freshman at evarts when you were a senior. He used to say you were the prettiest girl on Earth.
Ava: On Earth? [chuckles] First time I met you, you acted like you never saw me before. "Oh, sh1t. You're Boyd's girl."
Earl: Seemed like the smartest play.
Ava: How'd you pull guard duty? Your brother grew up thinking I hung the Moon. I'm surprised he wasn't first in line to keep an eye on me.
Earl: Truth is, ma... Ms. Crowder ... I ain't much use in a mine.
Ava: Well, ain't nothing to be ashamed of. Leave all that to Boyd and my uncle. Remind me the name of the shaft they're down?
Earl: Um... Blanton Creek, isn't it?
Ava: That's the one.
[drill whirring]
Zachariah: Hoo-hoo! [sighs]
[both panting]
[grunts]
You all right?
Boyd: Yeah, I'm all right. It's just been a while since I been down this deep.
Zachariah: I thought you worked Black Pike, that doghole, over toward Cumberland a couple years back.
Boyd: That was back when I didn't have a whole lot to live for.
Zachariah: Mm. Let me ask you something, Zachariah ... do you really love being down in a hole?
Zachariah: Only place I'm happy. [Chuckles]
The Pig: Hey.
Boyd: All right. Let's get back to work.
Zachariah: Why don't you hand me that oil can over there?
We might as well top off before we got on with it.
Boyd: Aah!
The Pig: sh1t! Boyd! Boyd!
Zachariah: Hold on! Don't move! Don't move! Boyd?
Boyd: Yeah.
The Pig: You all right?!
Boyd: Yeah.
Board ... board's pinning me.
Zachariah: No more, or we'll all end up down there with him.
[breathing heavily]
Tie it on a beam. And wrap it around yourself. Now, Boyd, don't you move, don't you talk, don't even breathe deep! Loosen that up.
[speaking indistinctly]
[grunting]
Don't move. All right, pull it taut. All right? Hey, don't you move. All right. Now, I'm gonna reach for you. Don't you reach for me. All right? We go on three, all right? Don't move, now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Aah! Here we go! Come on! I got you, I got you!
[both grunting]
Boyd: [gasping]
The Pig: sh1t! You all right, Boyd?!
Boyd: Yeah.
Yeah, I-I'm all right.
[coughing]
Zachariah: Go on up topside, take a break.
Boyd: No, we on ... we on the clock.
Zachariah: Nah, after a fall like that, you need to see some sunshine. Hey, you're going up topside.
The Pig: Hey, y-y-you don't worry about a thing, Boyd.
You come back down here in the morning, you'll find us dug halfway home.
Boyd: [sighs] Well, maybe one near-death experience is enough for one day.
The Pig: Goddamn. Welcome to the dance, son.
[music]
Walker: You come to your senses?
Go get her.
Choo-Choo: No. Uh...
Walker: Maybe we should start this conversation over again. We could get back in the car, get out again... She shouldn't have to die for my mistake.
Walker: Chooch... all the places we've been, all the things we've seen ... sh1t, all the things we've done ... you still think "should" really matters? I won't let you kill her.
Walker: Well, fine, then. You kill her, like you were ordered to.
Tim: Nobody move. Hands!
Raylan: "Kill her like you were ordered to"? Taken out of context, that's the kind of statement might suggest criminal intent.
Tim: Everybody on your knees.
Walker: Didn't hear a car pull up. Down at the bottom of the hill?
Tim: Put your hands on your head and get on the ground.
Walker: You followed us from the Portal?
Tim: Guess you must be slipping.
Raylan: Or maybe you've just got a lot on your mind, coming here to murder one of your own men.
Markham say it'd be a mercy killing, putting Choo-Choo out of his misery?
Walker: He's lying.
Tim: If that's not what he's here for, why'd he bring backup?
Walker: They're lying. They're just trying to divide our superior force!
Tim: You know we're not lying.
Walker: We do them both right now. Then we hit Crowder.
After that, no one's getting on you about killing a realtor.
Tim: You're really gonna die for a guy who's trying to kill you?
Raylan: You can't still be taking his orders.
Choo-Choo: It's all I got.
[gunshots]
Walker: [grunts]
[engine turns over]
Zachariah: You ever been in a mine before?
The Pig: Couple summers, on and off.
Yeah, it shows. You know your way around down here. You don't waste time looking for no chupacabras. [chuckles]
The Pig: Some people just ain't built for it, I guess.
Zachariah: I'll say.
The Pig: Ooh-hoo-hoo! sh1t, that's a long ways down. Hey. Zachariah, come look at this here. That look like rot to you?
Zachariah: No, sir, it sure don't.
The Pig: It almost looks like somebody cut the boards away.
Zachariah: Yeah. God damn, son, you got one hell of an eye. [chuckles] It's a damn shame.
The Pig: What is?
Aah!
[body thuds]
Zachariah: Ah, Jesus.
[beeps] Carl! Carl! Jesus Christ!
Tim: The girl puts Choo-Choo at Calhoun's last night with another guy ... sounds like this fella Seabass. Harlan P.D.'s hoping to catch him before he gets word of what happened here and decides to go on the run like his boys.
Rachel: I've got 50 additional deputies on the way in from Atlanta and Cincinnati. Plus, every cop for a hundred miles just got a printout of Walker and Choo-Choo's faces.
Raylan: Only thing local law enforcement is gonna be for these guys is target practice.
Tim: He's got a point.
Rachel: Which is why I'm not starting your critical-incident leave until after my reinforcements arrive. Meanwhile, Tim, get your rifle out of the trunk. Tell Nelson we're rolling in five.
Tim: Yes, ma'am. You heard from your C.I. today?
Raylan: Yeah, this afternoon, when we were watching the Portal.
Rachel: She said the play against Fekus is holding?
Raylan: She didn't say it isn't. Was there something else?
[siren wails in distance]
[helicopter blades whirring]
[bell dinging]
[engine sputters, train whistle blaring]
[brakes squealing]
[dinging continues]
Man: What the hell kind of idiot move is that?
Man #2: I guess it don't much matter now.
[siren wails in distance]
Earl: Probably different from what you're used to.
Ava: It's awful. [laughs]
You can try another song, but I don't think it's gonna get any better. Oh! That's loud.
Earl: It's real good.
Ava: That's awful. Hi. Well, I suppose coming home to find you two carrying on is better than what I came home to last night. 'Less, of course, you're bird-dogging my girl.
Earl: No, Boyd, it's nothing like that ... He's just kidding. Baby, I didn't expect you so early, or I'd have started cooking sooner.
Boyd: Mm.
Ava: How was it with my uncle?
Boyd: [chuckles]
[cellphone rings]
Let me get this.
Limehouse: I imagine you recognize this voice, but unless you're alone, I'll advise you not to say my name.
Boyd: Well, considering what happened last time I saw you, you really think you're in a position to ask me for a favor?
Limehouse: Oh, hell. I'm not asking anything. I'm offering.
Boyd: Offering what?
Limehouse: Information.
Boyd: Well, I guess that shouldn't come as a shock. How much are you charging for it?
Limehouse: Not a thing. I'm just hoping you'll see it as the kind of a good-faith gesture to mark a new beginning for our beautiful friendship.
Boyd: Well, that's a pretty high bar. Can't think of anything I need to know bad enough to want to clear it.
Limehouse: Well, it could be on account of this here is what the man would call an "unknown unknown" ... something you don't even know you don't know.
Boyd: In that case, I await my enlightenment. Ava tell you anything about what she got up to yesterday?
[music] | Plan: A: bear hunting season; Q: What is the name of the season that Ty and Sean bury Calhoun's body in the woods? A: Raylan; Q: Who brought Ava back to the task force? A: a clear impression; Q: What is left of Choo-Choo's knuckles? A: Choo-Choo; Q: Who lures out the only witness? A: tire tracks; Q: What is the only thing that is found on Calhoun's body that is not a fingerprint? A: Calhoun's call girl Caprice; Q: Who is the only witness to Calhoun's death? A: second thoughts; Q: What does Choo-Choo have about killing Caprice? A: two men; Q: How many men does Ty take to meet Choo-Choo? A: Tigerhawk; Q: What vault night shift does Ty take to meet Choo-Choo? A: Ty's duplicity; Q: What do Raylan and Tim expose? A: a shootout; Q: What does Choo-Choo start that allows Ty to escape with a leg wound? A: a railroad crossing; Q: Where does Choo-Choo drive to after the shootout? A: Ava; Q: Who did Zachariah raise after his father died in a mine collapse? A: the shaft; Q: Where does Zachariah make Boyd's crew climb into? A: radio contact; Q: What do Boyd's crew give up their guns for? A: one point; Q: How many times does Boyd crash through a hole and is saved by Zachariah? A: the boards; Q: What is cut in the mine shaft that causes Boyd to fall down the hole? A: Earl; Q: Who does Boyd leave to protect Ava? A: Limehouse; Q: Who informs Boyd of Ava's antics? A: Ava's antics; Q: What does Limehouse tell Boyd about the previous day? A: Grady Hale; Q: Who did Katherine snitch on? A: Avery; Q: Who does Katherine and Wynn decide they'll have to kill? A: Katherine; Q: Who does Avery ask to come clean about the snitch? A: marriage; Q: What does Avery propose to Katherine? A: Kentucky; Q: Where did Avery leave because he feared she would snitch on him? A: peace; Q: What does Avery say he has made with the fact that Katherine snitched on him? A: Wynn; Q: Who does Katherine discuss the matter with? A: Art; Q: Who asks Rachel about the snitch? A: Rachel; Q: Who is the Marshal who worked on the Hale task force? A: the Hale task force; Q: What was Rachel's first assignment with the Marshals? A: any snitch; Q: What is Rachel unaware of? A: her career; Q: What does Rachel want to protect? Summary: Ty and Sean bury Calhoun's body in the woods unaware that bear hunting season starts that morning and the body is immediately discovered with wallet, Raylan's card, a clear impression of Choo-Choo's knuckles, footprints and tire tracks. Meanwhile, Choo-Choo lures out the only witness, Calhoun's call girl Caprice, but she is so nice to him that he has second thoughts about killing her. Ty takes two men (the Tigerhawk vault night shift) and meet him in the woods to kill both if necessary, but they are followed by Raylan and Tim who expose Ty's duplicity. Nonetheless, Choo-Choo remains loyal and draws first, starting a shootout that allows Ty to escape with a leg wound while Choo-Choo drives away making it as far as a railroad crossing. Zachariah visits Ava, whom he raised after her father died in a mine collapse. He makes Boyd's crew give up their guns as they climb into the shaft, spread out for radio contact. At one point, Boyd crashes through a hole and is saved by Zachariah. However, when The Pig later notices the boards were cut he is pushed down the hole to his death. Boyd leaves Earl to protect Ava at her house, and she plays him for information about what Boyd is doing. When Boyd returns, Limehouse calls him and informs on Ava's antics the previous day. There is much discussion over who snitched on Grady Hale. Avery asks Katherine to come clean about it even as he proposes marriage, saying that he left Kentucky because he feared she would snitch on him next but has now made peace with it. Katherine and Wynn discuss this at length, but resolve they'll have to kill Avery regardless. Art asks Rachel, who worked on the Hale task force as her first assignment with the Marshals, but she is unaware of any snitch. Rachel suspects that Ava tried to run and Raylan brought her back, and they realize Rachel can demand answers to protect her career or leave things be for the sake of the investigation. |
THE OC
Transcribed exclusively for TVTDB.com
INT. COEN HOUSE - SANDY'S BEDROOM
(Sandy and Kirsten are sitting in their bedroom, talking.)
KISTEN: He hasn't spoken to us in days.
SANDY: Well us he can ignore. When Ryan doesn't speak to Seth, that's when I start to worry.
KISTEN: It's like he's turning into an island.
SANDY: Yeah. Right in the path of Hurricane Julie.
INT. COEN HOUSE - POOL HOUSE
(Ryan is on the phone to Julie.)
RYAN: Ever since we got back from Mexico, things haven't been the same.
JULIE: Tell me about it. I've been banned from your house. Your parents have been mad at me before...
(Cut back to: Kirsten and Sandy in their bedroom.)
KIRSTEN: It's never been this bad. We're excluding her from Thanksgiving.
SANDY: Well, when you send our kids on a murder mission, you get knocked off the guest list. House rules.
(Sandy kisses Kirsten on the forehead.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - SETH'S BEDROOM
(Seth is on the phone to Summer. He leaves a message.)
SETH: Hey Summer, just calling to say happy Thanksgiving. Well, I use the term happy loosely. It's actually shaping out to be kind of an awkward Thanksgiving.
(Cut to Summer in her room, listening to Seth leaving his message. She pulls out a book from a shelf and a group photo of her, Marissa, Ryan and Seth falls to the floor. She picks it up and looks at it.)
SETH: Thing is Ryan and I have never been in a fight before. But I've got a feeling things'll blow over today, 'cause they have to. It's Thanksgiving.
(Summer erases Seth's message.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Sandy and Kirsten walk to the kitchen.)
SANDY: It's Thanksgiving. Now you just watch, this family's gonna come together for the holidays. That's what we Coens do. (Ryan and Seth walk into the kitchen.) Hey.
SETH: Hey.
RYAN: Hey.
(Long ,uncomfortable pause.)
KRSTEN: Coffee?
RYAN: Sure.
(Long pause. They all watch the coffee filtering through the coffee maker.)
SANDY: Should be ready any second. (Sandy's cellphone rings.) Oh, I hate to miss this spirit of discussion, but I gotta take this. Hello? (Sandy walks into an adjacent room.) Uh huh. Where are you?
(Cut back to the kitchen. Long pause.)
KIRSTEN: OK, enough of this! No more tip-toeing, no more silences, it is Thanksgiving and this family is gonna get over what happened and move on with their lives.
SETH: I don't know if it's that easy.
KIRSTEN: No one said it was gonna be easy, but this family is gonna work together and make Thanksgiving dinner. You two, grocery store, together.
SETH: I've got to pick up Summer...
KIRSTEN: You can go before. List, here. (She hands Seth a shopping list.) And when you get back, we're gonna cook this bird together. (Sandy walks back into the kitchen.) Including you. No surfing, no golf.
SANDY: You got it. I do have to go to the office...
KIRSTEN: Sandy...
SANDY: But I'll only be gone a few hours, and when I'm back I'm all yours.
KIRSTEN: Great. Now you can all change and wash up. But you report for duty in one hour.
(Seth and Ryan walk leave the kitchen. Sandy follows Ryan.)
SANDY: Ryan, are you gonna be OK? 'Cause if you can't put your anger about Volchok aside, even for today, then there's no point to any of this.
RYAN: No I'm not angry. I... I just wish he was dead, that's all.
(Ryan leaves the house and walks back over to the pool house. Sandy pulls out his cellphone and dials a number.)
SANDY: It's me. Are you still there?
(Cut to the beach. Volchok is at a payphone.)
VOLCHOK: Yeah. I'm here.
TITLE THEME
EXT. NEWPORT BEACH
(Volchok is standing by the beach, visibly impatient. Sandy pulls up in his car. Volchok walks over to him and gets in the car.)
VOLCHOK: Thanks for coming. To be honest with you, I didn't know where else to go. Hitched a ride into town, slept on the beach last night...
SANDY: I'm not your friend, I'm your lawyer, and I'll help you get through this. But the less you talk, the better. Alright?
(Volchok nods.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - SETH'S BEDROOM
(Seth walks into his bedroom.)
SETH: I brought you a bagel.
(Taylor appears from under his bed.)
TAYLOR: A bagel? I asked for an egg-white omelette and some cantaloupe.
SETH: Taylor, I said you could hide out in my room for a couple of days, I did not say there would be room service.
(Taylor gets out from underneath the bed.)
TAYLOR: Seth, one day when I'm no longer sleeping under your bed you're gonna miss me.
SETH: And when will that be, 'cause you kinda made it sound like this was a temporary thing.
TAYLOR: I know. I know, you think it would be healthier for me to confront my fear and face my mom.
SETH: More like Summer's coming home and I was hoping we could get it on up here. You understand.
TAYLOR: Right, of course. You guys need alone time together. I mean like you said your relationship is just hanging by a thread.
SETH: I didn't say that.
TAYLOR: Really? You didn't? Oh... I must have dreamt it. You know since I've been on the run my dreams have been so vivid. Like last night I dream that G�rard D�pardieu and I were team mates on the Amazing Race.
SETH: Wait, back up. Is this about your trip to Brown last week? Did something happen with Summer?
TAYLOR: No, of course not. No she's still the same old Summer... She might not smell like the same old Summer, but inside she's... she's still the same girl.
SETH: I wouldn't know. I feel like we've barely spoken in weeks.
TAYLOR: Seth, you guys are gonna be fine. Just think, she's on her way here right now.
INT. AIRPORT
(Summer is at the airport. She is talking to her dad on her cellphone.)
SUMMER: I don't think I'm coming.
MR ROBERTS: Listen, I've been looking forward to seeing you. I just got back from Seattle and I've got a lot to tell you.
SUMMER: Tell me now.
MR ROBERTS: No, I want you here. It's Thanksgiving.
SUMMER: Exactly. Millions of turkeys being senselessly slaughtered so us Americans can get even fatter?
MR ROBERTS: I like turkey.
SUMMER: I know you do. I just... I don't think I can support this holiday, you know? I think I'm just gonna sit this one out.
MR ROBERTS: OK, you gonna tell me what's really going on?
SUMMER: Uh, I don't know... I'm just not up for it. (A dog starts barking from inside of Mr Roberts' house.) Is that a dog?
MR ROBERTS: Hold on a second.
INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KAITLIN'S BEDROOM
(Mr Roberts opens the door to Kaitlin's bedroom. Inside, Kaitlin is sitting on her bed, holding a small dog.)
MR ROBERTS: Kaitlin, what is... what is that thing doing in my house?
KAITLIN: Well nothing now. Although a few minutes ago she kinda took a tinkle in your den.
MR ROBERTS: I want you to get that thing out of here. I want you to take it back wherever you got it.
KAITLIN: Dude, I found her at the pier. And I'm not taking her back. She totally fits in my purse.
MR ROBERTS: Dude, does your mother know that you have this thing?
KAITLIN: Well, yesterday she almost sucked her up in a vaccum. I guess to her the dog is invisible. Like me. Oh, by the way, I think your shoes are cashed.
(Kaitlin hands Mr Roberts a chewed up shoe.)
MR ROBERTS: You're sorry? This was a seven hundred dollar pair of shoes.
KAITLIN: Oh I forgot to ask you, how'd your conference go? (Pause.) Thought so.
(Mr Roberts leaves the bedroom and picks his cellphone back up.)
MR ROBERTS: Sorry about that sweetheart.
SUMMER: Oh, it's alright. Dad, it sounds like you're in the loony bin.
MR ROBERTS: Sometimes, I think I am.
SUMMER (sighing): You need me there, don't you?
MR ROBERTS: Deperately.
SUMMER: Alright, see you in six hours.
MR ROBERTS: Love you.
SUMMER: You too. Bye. (She hangs up.) Crap!
INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Julie is talking to someone on her cellphone.)
JULIE: I know it's Thanksgiving, but you're a private investigator. Can't you find a guy and eat turkey at the same time?
(Mr Roberts walks into the kitchen.)
MR ROBERTS: Julie...
JULIE: Call me back in five will you? (She hangs up. To Mr Roberts) Hi, sorry. Do you want a waffle?
MR ROBERTS: Woah. Slow down. I've been trying to talk to you ever since I got back from my trip. Why don't we spend the morning together? We can go for a walk on the beach. (Julie's cellphone rings. She reaches for it, but Mr Roberts grabs it first.) Maybe without our cellphones.
JULIE: No, Neal, I'm sorry. I have to cook.
MR ROBERTS: You have to cook? I thought we were going to the Coens for dinner.
JULIE: Well we're not. Kirsten's turkey is always dry, and Sandy with his long boring speeches about the importance of family. I'd just as soon eat in.
(Julie opens the refrigerator.)
MR ROBERTS: There's nothing in there.
JULIE: Then I should go to the market. Can I have my cellphone please? (Pause. Mr Roberts hands Julie her cellphone.) Thank you.
MR ROBERTS: We're going to have to talk eventually.
JULIE: Yeah, yeah. After the holidays. Of course.
(Julie walks out of the kitchen.)
INT. GROCERY STORE
(Ryan and Seth are pushing a cart around the grocery store.)
SETH: So, what's next?
RYAN: Parsley.
SETH: Wow, this trip to the grocery store has been a real success. I'm sure silent cart pushing is exactly what my mom envisioned when she sent us here.
RYAN: Well what do you expect? You think we can get over everything just because we're buying parsley?
SETH: It's more than a garnish Ryan. It's a good omen.
RYAN: Yeah...
(Seth spots Julie in a near-by aisle.)
SETH: Speaking of omens...
RYAN: Julie.
JULIE: Ryan.
SETH: Hello Julie. I wanted to thank you for that travel tip. Ensenada turned out to be the perfect vacation spot for the Coens. We may get a timeshare.
JULIE: Save it Seth. I already got the lecture from your dad. Ryan, would you care to join me in the samples?
SETH: I'll get the sweet potatoes.
(Seth walks away. Julie and Ryan walk to the samples area.)
SALESWOMAN: We've got two types of Gouda. This is the ?, and this is the Old Amsterdam.
(Julie takes a piece of cheese and eats it.)
JULIE: It's delicious. (She and Ryan turn their backs to the saleswoman.) So the PI swears he'll have a location for Volchok by Monday.
RYAN: What do we do until then?
JULIE: Just, uh, wait. I guess I'll call you in the morning, we'll make a plan. Until then act normal. (They turn and face the saleswoman.) Thank you.
INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
(Kirsten is using her cellphone.)
KIRSTEN: Hey Sandy, I was just wondering when you were going to be home to help me with... (She walks into the kitchen and sees Taylor eating food.) Oh my God. Taylor, I thought you were in France.
TAYLOR: I am... uh, I was. In fact what am I doing here where gay Paris beckons. Au revoir.
(Taylor rushes out of the kitchen.)
KIRSTEN: Hold on! (Taylor turns around and walks back towards Kirsten.) When a kid is stealing stuffing in my kitchen, that's usually a sign that something's wrong.
TAYLOR: I would talk to you Mrs Coen, but this is simply too private.
KIRSTEN: I'll make you a plate of food.
TAYLOR (smiling): Living room?
INT. GROCERY STORE
JULIE: Ryan, listen. The important thing is Sandy can't suspect us. He needs to feel like we've moved on, that we've let go.
RYAN: Yeah well that's gonna be kinda hard. He knows I haven't given upon Volchok. Kinda got into it this morning.
JULIE: Then you need to go smooth things over. Smile, apologize, lie, whatever it takes. Ryan, you wanna get this son of a bitch just as badly as I do. That's a really hard thing to do with Sandy Coen watching your every move.
RYAN: Alright. I'll stop by his office on the way back.
JULIE: Oh Ryan, one more thing. Do you happen to know how to cook a turkey? (Ryan stares at her blankly.) Never mind.
INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
(Kirsten and Taylor are sitting, talking to each other.)
KIRSTEN: You got married?!
TAYLOR: His name was Henri-Michel, and I met him outside the Place des Vosges. He wooed me for a few whirlwind weeks, and the next thing I knew I was in his family's chapel in Burgundy, tipsy of a 1953 Ch�teau Margot, and vowing to love until death do us part.
KIRSTEN: I can't believe this is happening. Taylor, you're usually so responsible.
TAYLOR: Well needless to say it was une erreur. Now he won't agree to an annulment. He is a stubborn man. Sexy and well endowed, but stubborn. So I came home and... I'm just too afraid to tell my mom now.
KIRSTEN: I've known your mom for a long time. She might be tough, but she's your mom, which means that she loves you no matter what.
TAYLOR: That's so sweet and... totally wrong.
KIRSTEN: Don't you think you're underestimating her?
TAYLOR: No. Oh my God! Oh my God, I just had the best idea. You could tell her. Now that we're like sisters I'm sure you'd be happy to.
KIRSTEN: No, that's your job.
TAYLOR: Bon Dieu, je suis tr�s d�sol�, mais j'ai peur... (Taylor starts crying.)
KIRSTEN: OK. I will talk to her, but I'm not doing your dirty work. I am just gonna put her in the right frame of mind.
TAYLOR: Great! That's great! Uh, she's in charge of the Turkey Trot, that prefixed meal over at the yacht club. She'll be there all afternoon.
KIRSTEN: No, no, I can't do it today. I have a thousand things to do Taylor.
TAYLOR: Mon Dieu, mon coeur est cass�...
KIRSTEN: OK fine! I will talk to her today but you're gonna have to help me cook.
TAYLOR: Oh Kirsten, I will be the best sous-chef ever. You just watch.
INT. AIRPORT
(Summer arrives at the airport. Seth is waiting for her.)
SETH: Hey!
SUMMER: Hi.
SETH: Hey. (They kiss awkwardly. Seth hands Summer a bouquet of roses.) Here, I sprung for roses. The cheapskate in me wanted to get you carnations, but it's a special occasion.
SUMMER: It is?
SETH: Yeah, you're here. And not just for a whirlwind comic book intervention but for an actual visit.
SUMMER: Well it's only for three nights.
SETH: It's longer than you think.
INT. SANDY'S OFFICE
(Sandy is stood behind his desk, talking on the phone. Volchok is sat on the other side of it.)
SANDY: Uh huh. Thanks Greg. (He hangs up and sits down. To Volchok) So, I'm gonna go see the DA, enter your guilty plea, and hopefully we can settle on a charge and a sentence by tonight.
VOLCHOK: So I'll still be doing time...
SANDY: For what you did, yeah, I'd say so.
VOLCHOK: That Seth kid said, um, he said that you would help me.
SANDY: I am helping you. Helping turn you over to the authorities so you can get the punishment you deserve. You made a lot of mistakes. But you turned yourself in, and that was the right thing to do.
VOLCHOK: After a while, being in Mexico and running all the time, it all started to feel like prison anyway.
SANDY: That's guilt for you. Follow you around. But you're here now, so we'll find a hotel room for you while I work things out with Otis.
(Sandy stands and makes his way to the door.)
VOLCHOK: I really appreciate this.
(Volchok stands.)
SANDY: Well listen, the sooner you're off the street, the sooner Ryan can start his life again.
VOLCHOK: Yeah, I just want it all to be over.
SANDY: Oh me too, you have no idea.
(They leave the office.)
EXT. SANDY'S OFFICE
(Ryan walks over to a woman leaving the building that Sandy's office is in.)
RYAN: Excuse me, you know where Sandy Coen's office is?
LAWYER: Uh, yeah it's inside to the left. But you just missed him.
RYAN: Oh, I did?
LAWYER: Yeah, he just left with a client. Poor guy's working on Thanksgiving.
(The woman walks away. Ryan looks sees Sandy's car leaving the parking lot. Inside, he sees Volchok sitting next to Sandy.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Kirsten is seasoning the turkey.)
TAYLOR: No. No, no, no Kirsten. Here, let me. (Taylor picks up a small brush and starts brushing the turkey.) You wanna just lightly kiss the bird. Like so.
KIRSTEN: I see. (Ryan appears at the back of the kitchen.) Oh hey Ryan. Did you know Taylor was back in town?
TAYLOR: Hello Ryan! I know, you must be confused as to why I'm here, but in time...
RYAN: Do you know where Sandy is?
KIRSTEN: He called a while ago, he said he had some errands to run.
RYAN: Did he say where he was going?
KIRSTEN: No. Is everything OK?
RYAN: Yeah it's fine. I'll be back later.
(Ryan walks out of the kitchen.)
KIRSTEN: I was hoping that you'd help with dinner...
(Cut to the front door. Seth and Summer enter the house.)
SUMMER: Ok, but only for a little while. My dad needs me back in crazy just.
SETH: Just want you to witness the magic of a Coen family Thanksgiving, even if only for a few moments.
SUMMER: Alright.
SETH: Hey Ryan, look who showed up.
(Ryan rushes past them, obviously distracted.)
RYAN: Hey.
SUMMER: Hey Atwood...
SETH: See there's magic everywhere.
(Seth and Summer walk into the kitchen.)
TAYLOR: Goards. It nees goards.
SUMMER: Hi guys.
KIRSTEN: Hi Summer! Oh it's good to see you!
SUMMER: You too.
(They huy.)
TAYLOR: Welcome home! (They hug.) Oh, did you bathe in a creek.
SETH: Taylor, what are you doing out?
TAYLOR: Oh, um, I came clean to your mom. And now I'm helping her through Thanksgiving.
KIRSTEN: Taylor, now that Seth and Summer are here, why don't they take over and we'll go talk to your mother.
SETH: You're taking on Veronica Townsend? It's a death wish.
KIRSTEN: Why don't you just paste the turkey.
TAYLOR: But just very lightly, with the little brush thing, and not...
SETH: Ok, alright.
(Kirsten and Taylor leave. Pause.)
SUMMER: Gosh I haven't been in this house in so long.
SETH: Well the house misses you, so do I. In fact, upstairs has been asking for you.
(They kiss.)
SUMMER: Oh really?
SETH: Mhmm.
SUMMER: Well I've gotta get back to my dad's house.
SETH: Give me five minutes.
SUMMER: Promise?
(Seth grabs an egg-timer and sets the dial.)
SETH: Keep me honest. Ten.
(Summer laughs.)
INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Julie is sitting in the kitchen, reading a cookbook. Mr Roberts enters.)
MR ROBERTS: How's dinner coming?
JULIE: Fantastic. You wouldn't happen to know how to cook a turkey would you?
MR ROBERTS: You've never cooked a turkey?
JULIE: Well Jimmy always did it, and after we broke up, then we ended up at the Coens.
MR ROBERTS: Right. And the reason we're not going there is?
(The doorbell rings.)
JULIE: Oh, get that will you?
(Mr Roberts walks to the front door and opens it. It's Ryan.)
MR ROBERTS: Hey Ryan.
RYAN: Hey, is Julie home?
MR ROBERTS: She is, but I'd rather you didn't bother her right now.
RYAN: I just need a minute of her time.
MR ROBERTS: Yeah, I've been saying the same thing for six months. Maybe you can talk to her after the holiday.
RYAN: I don't think you really understand what's going on here.
MR ROBERTS: No you're right I don't. I don't understand all the phone calls, I don't understand why we're not having dinner with your family tonight. All I do know is that I was once very excited about my life with this woman and it all seems to be disappearing right now.
RYAN: I get it, I'm sorry.
MR ROBERTS: Tell your family I say happy Thanksgiving.
(Mr Roberts closes the door. Ryan walks away.)
INT. YACHT CLUB
(Veronica, Taylor's mom, is ordering about some waiters.)
VERONICA: I said burgundy candles, not orange! Now you go get them, or I'll send a 911 page to my guy at the INS.
(Cut to Kirsten and Taylor in an adjacent room, looking in.)
TAYLOR: OK, off you go.
KIRSTEN: Are you sure you don't wanna come with me?
TAYLOR: No. No, no, no. My stomach's kinda doing that flip-floppy thing it does every time I see her.
(Kirsten walks over to Veronica.)
VERONICA: Kirsten Coen, what a surprise! Have you been doing Pilates? You look thin! And I love your hair.
KIRSTEN: Thanks Veronica. Actually I just came by to help.
VERONICA: Oh, well you can help me with the candles.
(Veronica hands Kirsten some candles.)
KIRSTEN: So, this is your first holiday without Taylor. That must be hard for you.
(Kirsten starts arranging the candles on a table.)
VERONICA: It is. You know, I tell my clients that I'm a mother first, and a sports agent second. Uh, could you make those a little bit more parallel? Like... No just... Maybe I should just do it.
(Veronica rearranges the candles.)
KIRSTEN: I feel the same way about being a mom. You have to love your children no matter what they do. Even if they disappoint you. VERONICA: Of course. And you would know. You know with the shooting, and the car accident, and Seth burning down the Newport Group.
KIRSTEN: Actually I was talking about you and Taylor.
VERONICA: Right. And I love Taylor unconditionally. You know, a wise woman once said "If you love 'til it hurts, there can be no more hurt, but only more love." You know who said that? The mother. Mother Theresa. (Taylor walks into the room. Reproachful) Oh my God, Taylor! What are you doing here?
TAYLOR: Mom, I need to talk to you.
KIRSTEN: I'm gonna leave you two alone. (Whispering to Taylor)You'll be fine.
INT. COEN HOUSE - SETH'S ROOM
(Seth is sitting on his bed. Summer is on the floor, doing yoga.)
SETH: We only have a few minutes together. You sure you have to do yoga?
SUMMER: I've been on a plane all day. I'm trying to reverse the bloodflow. Fresh oxygen to the brain gives you clarity and peace of mind.
SETH: I still can't believe you had no reaction to my tattoo.
SUMMER: I had a reaction. I told you to get that thing removed!
SETH: Yeah I'll get it removed.
(Summer gets up and sits next to Seth.)
SUMMER: Did it hurt?
SETH: Whatever. I was with my marine buds. I barely felt a thing.
SUMMER: I bet you cried.
SETH: Like a baby. I'm glad you're home.
SUMMER: Me too.
(They kiss. Summer sees an Atomic County poster on Seth's wall. She looks at the illustration of Marissa. She pulls away from Seth.)
SETH: What's wrong?
SUMMER: I just... I get upset when I think about... all of the food that the average American consumes during Thanksgiving when so many people go without!
SETH: Huh?
SUMMER: We need to do something. We gotta go. Gotta go somewhere!
SETH: Go? Go where?
SUMMER: The soup kitchen. We're gonna feed the homeless.
SETH: Do we have to? We're already feeding Ryan and he was homeless once.
(They rush down the stairs and arrive at the front door.)
SUMMER: Hey you can go or you can stay.
(The front door opens and Sandy walks in.)
SANDY: Summer! How are you doing?
SUMMER: Better than the 2.8 billion people living below the poverty level. Are you OK with that statistic Mr Coen? I don't think so. That's why I have to go.
(Symmer walks out of the front door.)
SANDY: Who knew, out of all you kids, she'd turn out to be the young Sandy Coen!
SETH: Had to rub off on someone. We'll be back soon.
(Seth leaves the house. Sandy walks through to the kitchen.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Sandy walks over to Kirsten, who is kneeling by the oven.)
SANDY: Hey, honey.
KIRSTEN: You know I thought we were going to be having dinner as a family and here I am being driven crazy by Taylor Townsend.
SANDY: I got news. Volchok came to see me today.
KIRSTEN: Volchok, Volchok?
SANDY: He turned himself in. I've put him in a hotel while Otis finishes his paperwork. I figure we'll tell Ryan after the holiday.
(Ryan appears behind Sandy.)
RYAN: After he's already in jail. So we can't get at him.
SANDY: Well yeah the thought did cross my mind so don't bother asking me where he is 'cause I'm not gonna tell you.
RYAN: Alright look you stopped me from going after him, that I get. But to defend him...
SANDY: I'm not defending him Ryan. I'm negotiating the terms of his surrender. And he's gonna get every bit of what he deserves.
KIRSTEN: Ryan, Sandy and I would only do what's best for you.
RYAN: You wanna do what's in my best interest?
SANDY: Always.
RYAN: Leave me alone.
(Ryan turns and walks away.)
SANDY: Ryan... (Sandy walks after him.) Come on, wait.
EXT. NEWPORT BEACH - PARKING LOT
(Ryan walks up to a surfer on the parking lot.)
RYAN: Hey. You're friends with Volchok, right?
SURFER: Used to be. I haven't seen Volchok in months. Don't know where he is.
RYAN: Yeah well he's back in town. I need to find out where he's staying.
SURFER: I don't know. If he called anyone it would probably be Heather.
RYAN: You got her number.
SURFER: I haven't talked to her. She might not be in town.
RYAN: I'm gonna need that number.
(Cut to Ryan on his cell phone.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. NEWPORT BEACH
(Heather walks over to Ryan on the beach.)
HEATHER: Hey. (Pause.) Just for the record, that night...
RYAN: I don't wanna talk about it.
HEATHER: Look, at the first stoplight I jumped out and I tried to find help, and when I got back to the car Volchok was gone. I just needed you to know that.
RYAN: And I just need to find the guy.
HEATHER: Like I told you on the phone I don't know where his is.
RYAN: He must have called you, told you he was coming back.
HEATHER: He thinks that I'm gone too. And I was. I'm only home to see my mom for Thanksgiving. I really shouldn't even be talking to you... RYAN: I'm not gonna call the cops on you.
HEATHER: You know, I spoke to him a few months after the accident, and he sounded pretty messed up.
RYAN: Good. Thanks for meeting me...
HEATHER: Look, maybe you should try to put it behind you. Just let him go.
RYAN: Good advice...
(Ryan walks away.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Kirsten is still cooking. Sandy is in his car. Kirsten calls Sandy on his cellphone.)
SANDY: Hello?
KIRSTEN: Any luck?
SANDY: No. I've been to the Bait Shop, the diner. I can't find him anywhere.
KIRSTEN: I just feel strange to be cooking with all this going on. Maybe we should call dinner off.
SANDY: No, keep it going. I got another idea where he might be.
KIRSTEN: Well call me as soon as you... (Taylor walks into the kitchen, visibly distraught.) Uh, I gotta go. What happened?
TAYLOR: She called me irresponsible, and stupid, and then she said that I would never be truly thin because I have a naturally large thorax.
KIRSTEN: Oh Taylor, that's awful.
TAYLOR: And the worst part is... (Taylor tastes some of Kirsten's cooking.) Oh my God, these are like cardboard. You're gonna want to add some cream. And the worst part is she said I'm no longer welcome in her house. I am le vagabond.
KIRSTEN: You can stay here.
TAYLOR: Forever?
KIRSTEN: Well... no. For one night. But we'll find somewhere for you to stay.
TAYLOR: Thank you Kiki. And I am so sorry that after all you've done for me I abandoned ship during the crucial hour before Thanksgiving. Now let's see how you're doing with those pies. Did you smash the pecans finely like I told you to?
KIRSTEN: I skipped the pecan pie.
TAYLOR: You skipped the pecan?
KIRSTEN: Well one pumpkin will be fine. There's only five of us.
(Seth walks into the kitchen, followed by Summer and eight homeless men.)
SETH: You may wanna rethink that. We invited over some friends. Love the Coen open door policy.
KIRSTEN: There aren't your friends.
SUMMER: Well we were trying to help out at the soup kitchen and apparently they said they had enough volunteers. Like such a thing exists! Uh, just follow me to the family room.
HOMELESS MAN: I really need to use your toilet.
SETH: Oh, it's the first one on the left. Take these matches.
HOMELESS MAN 2: I'm next!
SETH: Alright, you're next. (The homeless men walk through to the living room. To Kirsten) Sorry.
KIRSTEN: They can't stay.
SETH: Well can't tell them to go. Summer'll have a nervous breakdown. She's hanging by a thread.
TAYLOR: You know I used to volunteer at the Y, teaching personal hygiene. So I could just run through the basics with them. Unfortunately it means that I wouldn't be able to help you in here.
KIRSTEN: Really? That sounds great. They stay, you keep them in one place, you keep them occupied.
SETH: OK. (Seth walks into the living room.) Who here has not seen Battlestar Galactica season one?
HOMELESS MAN 2: I missed the season finale.
SETH: Get ready to have your mind blown.
(Cut back to the kitchen.)
TAYLOR: Don't worry Kiki, I've got your back.
INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Sandy is in his car. He calls Julie, who is trying to cook her turkey.)
SANDY: Julie.
JULIE: I thought you weren't speaking to me.
SANDY: I'm not calling to make peace. I'm looking for Ryan.
JULIE: Ryan? You told me to stay away from him, remember?
SANDY: Oh come on. He called you as soon as he found out I had Volchok in custody.
(Pause. Julie seems distraught.)
JULIE: Volchok is in custody?
SANDY: So you really didn't know, huh?
JULIE: No. No I didn't.
SANDY: He turned himself in this morning. I already spoke to the DA, it should be a done deal by tonight.
JULIE: So it's really over...
SANDY: I sure as hell hope so. (Julie hangs up. She seems to be in shock.) Julie? Julie?
(Kaitlin walks into the kitchen.)
KAITLIN: Mom are you OK?
JULIE: I don't know. KAITLIN: Well do you wanna lie down or something?
JULIE: Do I wanna lay in the dark with nothing but my thoughts to distract me? No, Kaitlin, that is not what I wanna do.
KAITLIN: OK, never mind. I'll just go find my dog. (Kaitlin walks out of the kitchen. Mr Roberts is walking in to the kitchen.) She's having a meltdown. Good luck.
MR ROBERTS: Julie, you look pale. Are you alright?
JULIE: I'm fine. I... I have a turkey to cook, potatoes to mash and... and that's all I have to think about. Just... just think about the task at hand. Will you get out of here? You're in the way. I have to paste a turkey.
INT. MOTEL
(Ryan is going from motel to motel, looking for Volchok.)
MAN: There's nobody registered by that name.
(Ryan leaves the motel. Sandy is waiting for him by his car.)
SANDY: Close, but he's not here.
RYAN: So I'll keep looking.
SANDY: Why don't you come with me?
RYAN: Yeah? So you can take me home and give me one of your lectures.
SANDY: Oh, we're beyond all that.
RYAN: Alright. So what are you doing here?
SANDY: Why don't you find out? Come on.
(They both walk over to Sandy's car.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
(Summer is frantically trying to organise seating for the Thanksgiving meal.)
SUMMER: There aren't enough chairs. Darryl needs a chair!
SETH: Summer, can we talk...
HOMELESS MAN: Hahaha! Hey, yeah!
SUMMER: I'm just gonna make a seating area out of cushions on the floor.
SETH: Summer, we need to talk.
INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Julie is mashing potatoes. Mr Roberts is standing next to her.)
JULIE: I can't talk, I have to mash these potatoes. Hand me the cream.
MR ROBERTS (firmly): No. No more distraction tactics. You and I both know what's going on here.
(Julie pours too much milk into the potatoes.)
JULIE: Now these are ruined. I'm going back to the store.
(Julie walks out of the kitchen and into the entrance hall, where Kaitlin is on her knees, scrubbing the floor.)
KAITLIN: You wouldn't happen to have any baking soda would you?
JULIE: Kaitlin, get that dog out of my house right now or so help me God I will have it put to sleep.
KAITLIN: God, you would wouldn't you.
(Kaitlin walks out of the front door.)
JULIE: Kaitlin, where are you going?
KAITLIN: To the Coens. They don't hate the whole family mom, just you.
(Kaitlin walks to her car and gets in.)
JULIE: Fine! Don't come crying to me when Kirsten's turkey tastes like rubber!
(Mr Roberts walks out of the house and over to Julie.)
MR ROBERTS: Julie. Julie! Listen to me. Listen to me! I love you, but you are acting insane.
INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
SUMMER: I'm not insane, OK? What's insane is how I used to be when all I would do was hang out with my best friend, and go tanning with her, and go shopping, and braid her hair, and talk to her on the phone...
SETH: Summer, stop. Let's be honest for a sec. That's what this is all about.
EXT. ROBERTS HOUSE - FRONT DRIVEWAY
MR ROBERTS: Marissa. It's all about her. You've got to stop running away and let yourself grieve.
JULIE: My keys...
MR ROBERTS: Stop running away from me!
INT. COEN HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
(Summer grabs her bags and is making her way towards the front door.)
SUMMER: I'm not running away, I just didn't realise how late it was. My dad's probably totally freaking out.
SETH: I'm sorry I said it, just please don't go.
EXT. ROBERTS HOUSE - FRONT DRIVEWAY
JULIE: You're the one who walked away Neil. You had the affair, remember?
(Julie gets into her car.)
MR ROEBRTS: Nothing happened with Gloria and me. I told you, I needed somebody to talk to.
JULIE: Well you can talk to her all you want now. When I get back, I want you out of this house.
MR ROBERTS: It's my house.
JULIE: We'll see about that. Bye Neil.
(Julie drives away.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - FRONT ENTRANCE
(Summer walks out of the front door.)
SUMMER (to Seth): Bye
EXT. MOTEL
(Sandy pulls up in a motel parking lot.)
SANDY (motioning to a motel room): He's in there. Otis said he'd need some time to file the charges so I put him up here. Room 102.
RYAN: If this is some kind of dare, I'm gonna take it...
SANDY: I trust you.
(Ryan gets out of the car.)
INT. MOTEL - ROOM 102
(Ryan opens the door to room 102 and walks inside. Volchok is sitting on the bed.)
VOLCHOK: Been waiting a long time for this I bet. (He stands up.) So what are you waiting for?
(Ryan punches Volchok twice. Volchok falls to the floor. Ryan grabs a glass bottle, smashes half of it against a drawer and holds the other half above Volchok, ready to strike him.)
VOLCHOK: Do it! Kill me! I don't care anymore... I just want it to be over. I just want it to be over.
EXT. MOTEL
(A police car and Otis' car pull up in the motel parking lot. Otis walks over to Sandy.)
OTIS: He still in there?
SANDY: Yeah.
OTIS: Look, maybe we should go in.
SANDY: No, give him a minute.
INT. MOTEL - ROOM 102
(Ryan is sitting on the bed. Volchok is sitting on the floor.)
RYAN: You didn't try to help, you didn't even stop.
VOLCHOK: I got scared. I freaked like hell.
RYAN: And she died. On the side of the road.
VOLCHOK: I think about that night every day. That's all I think about. I wish I could take it back...
RYAN: I don't wanna hear about how bad you feel. Tell me why you did it.
VOLCHOK: Does it matter?
RYAN: It matters to me.
VOLCHOK: I don't know, OK? I mean, I was coming after you. You got the girl, I didn't, and that was hard for me to handle. I just... I wanted you to pull over. And it all just got out of control.
RYAN: So what? It was all an accident? A mistake?
VOLCHOK: I know that doesn't change anything, so if you wanna finish this... I'm not gonna fight back.
RYAN: I'm not doing you any favors. You have to live with what you did. It's over.
EXT. MOTEL
(We see the door of room 102 open. Ryan steps out, followed by Volchok. Volchok is handcuffed by two police officers. Ryan walks over to Sandy.)
SANDY: I'm proud of you.
RYAN: Sorry.
SANDY: You hungry?
RYAN: Starving.
SANDY: Well let's go. Otis, you got this?
OTIS: We'll take him in. I'll call you after I'm done.
SANDY: Alright, thanks.
(Volchok and Ryan look at each other as Volchok is taken away by the police officers.)
INT. ROBERTS HOUSE - DINING ROOM
(Summer walks into the dining room. The Thanksgiving meal has been prepared and is on the table. Julie is sitting alone.)
JULIE (sadly): Hey.
SUMMER: Hey. Where's my dad?
JULIE (sadly): Gone.
SUMMER: Kaitlin?
JULIE: Gone. (Summer sits at the table next to Julie.) We can't go on like this any more can we?
SUMMER: No.
(Summer reaches out and holds Julie's hand.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - KITCHEN
(Seth is using his cellphone.)
SETH: I just got her voicemail again. I'm gonna go over there.
TAYLOR: I don't think you should. In fact, I am turning your ringer off.
(Taylor takes Seth's cellphone and turns it off.)
SETH: Don't. My girlfriend's freaking out.
TAYLOR: That's exactly what she should be doing. Seth she needs to face what happened on her own before you can help her with it.
(Kaitlin walks over to Seth and Taylor.)
KAITLIN: Hey. You guys your mom says you're ready for dinner.
(Everyone sits at the table.)
HOMELESS MAN: You wanna cut the bird? I'm hungry.
KIRSTEN: Um, Darryl, we're going to wait foe the rest of the family.
(Sandy and Ryan walk into the kitchen.)
SANDY: We're here.
KIRSTEN: Oh, finally! (to Ryan) Are you OK?
RYAN: Yeah, I'm fine.
(They hug.)
KIRSTEN: Thank God you're home.
SANDY: Honey, who... who are these gentlemen at the table?
SETH: It's a long story dad.
(Later: everyone is sitting at the table, enjoying the meal.)
HOMELESS MAN: Can you pass the gravy?
RYAN: Sure buddy.
SANDY: Hey, didn't I defend you a couple of years and for a B and E?
HOMELESS MAN: Yeah, now I remember! I called you crazy eyebrow man.
SANDY: Well, I'll take that as a compliment. (to Seth) An old client of mine, how do you like that?
SETH: Yeah that's pretty wild dad.
HOMELESS MAN 2: You wanna hear wild? I am ninety percent sure that's my dog.
(He points to the dog Kaitlin is holding.)
KAITLIN: Ok, there's no way that this is your dog. This is little Julie.
HOMELESS MAN 2: Uh uh. That's Savage. Baby, I've been looking everywhere for you.
(He takes back his dog.)
KAITLIN: OK, this can not be happening.
TAYLOR: "The Lord giveth and He taketh away." Job, 1.21. Oh but I'm no longer religious. But as a child I went to Bible school and then all of those quotes just kind of... stuck with me.
KAITLIN: You are a total freakshow. (Pause.) It is so awesome.
TAYLOR: Isn't it though?
INT. AIRPORT
(Summer is at the airport with her dad. She calls Seth and leaves a message.)
SUMMER: Hey, it's me. I'm heading back to Providence. Look everything you said was true and I need to deal with it, but I need to do it on my own. I'm sorry I'm such a mess, it's just... I miss my friend. But I'll call you as soon as I get my head screwed on, OK? I love you.
MR ROBERTS: Did you reach him?
SUMMER: I left a message.
MR ROBERTS: I know I didn't like Seth when I first met him, but I've got to admit his grown on me. I think you two are going to be fine.
SUMMER: Thanks for seeing me off.
MR ROBERTS: Of course. It's so crazy. To think that next time you come home I might not be living here...
SUMMER: Yeah, are you gonna take that job in Seattle?
MR ROBERTS: Well the offer came at the perfect time. And the hospital is famous for being wonderfully quirky. It's called Seattle Grace.
SUMMER: Is the step-monster going with you.
MR ROBERTS: She'll visit. But we'll take it slow, I promise.
SUMMER: I'm really sorry that you and Julie broke up.
MR ROBERTS: Yeah it's not the Thanksgiving that I had in mind. It's too bad, because I think that you and I could both use it, huh?
SUMMER: You know, I could take a later flight.
MR ROBERTS: Really?
SUMMER: Yeah. It's not too late to have Thanksgiving.
MR ROBERTS: What do you have in mind? (Summer motions to a chili restaurant.) I love chilis.
SUMMER: You and me both, dad.
(They walk into the restaurant.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - DINING ROOM
(Everyone is still eating the Thanksgiving meal. The doorbell rings.)
KIRSTEN: Are we expecting somebody?
HOMELESS MAN 2: Oh, I invited a few of my cousins over. I hope that's cool.
SANDY: It's cool. I'll handle it.
(Sandy gets up from the table and walks over to the front entrance. He opens the front door. It's Julie.)
JULIE: Hi.
SANDY: Julie, whatever it is it'll have to wait. We're having Thanksgiving.
JULIE: I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry.
SANDY: I don't think I've ever heard you say that before.
JULIE: I don't think I ever meant it.
SANDY: Well, come on in.
(Sandy and Julie walk into the dining room.)
KIRSTEN: Sandy why don't you pull out a chair.
JULIE: No, um...
(She looks at Ryan.)
SANDY (to Ryan): Go ahead.
(Ryan gets up from the table. He and Julie walk over to the pool house.)
INT. COEN HOUSE - POOL HOUSE
(Julie sits down on the bed.)
JULIE (in tears): Tell me about her.
RYAN: What?
JULIE: Anything. Just tell me about her.
(Ryan sits down next to Julie.)
RYAN: I remember the first time I saw her. She was... she was wearing this white top thing, and I think she had jeans on. She was standing at the bottom of the driveway. And I thought... well that she was really hot. Really hot. She gave me a smile.
JULIE: It was a beautiful smile. | Plan: A: Julie; Q: Who is no longer invited to Thanksgiving dinner? A: Homeless men; Q: Who is coming to Thanksgiving dinner? A: Summer; Q: Who recruited the homeless men to come to the Thanksgiving dinner? A: the Cohen Thanksgiving; Q: What dinner does Summer invite homeless men to? A: murder; Q: What will Ryan do if he doesn't first commit what? A: Volchok; Q: Who does Ryan want to kill before he gets to Thanksgiving? Summary: Julie is no longer invited. But guess who is coming to dinner: Homeless men, recruited by Summer, show up for the Cohen Thanksgiving. Ryan will be there, too - if he doesn't first commit murder when he learns where Volchok is. |
ACT ONE
Scene One - KACL Frasier is on the air, doing his show.
Frasier: Well, we've got time for one more call. Roz, who've we got?
Roz: We have Sid in Bremerton on three.
Frasier: Hello, Sid. I'm listening.
Sid: [stiltedly] Hello, Dr. Crane. I have a terrible fear of talking on the phone to people I do not know. I freeze up. It is a severe handicap in today's fast-paced, highly competitive world.
Frasier: Sid, are you reading what you're saying?
Sid: Uh... [shuffling papers] Yes, I am. The only way I can comfortably communicate on the phone is to write everything out I wish to say in advance.
Frasier: Well, what if someone asks you a question you haven't anticipated?
Sid: Uhhhh... [shuffling papers] Thank you, Dr. Crane, for your most insightful comment. G-Goodbye. [hangs up]
Frasier: Wait, Sid! Sid, if you're listening, your insecurity is rooted in your fear of making a mistake. In order to beat this thing, you're going to have to practice. If you work at it very hard. Then, one day, you too may achieve the command and confidence to which we all aspire to... be having. [confused look] This is Dr. Frasier Crane, wishing you good mental health.
Frasier gets up and walks into Roz's booth.
Roz: That was a show good, Frasier.
Frasier: Thank you, Roz.
Niles enters the booth.
Niles: Knock, knock!
Frasier: Oh, Niles! What are you doing here?
Niles: Oh, just stopped by to see how you'd like to go to lunch next week at the Empire Club.
Frasier: You know someone who's a member?
Niles: No, but you may.
Frasier: What are you up to? You have that same smug look you had on your face when you found that recording of Kirsten Flagstad's 1932 Gotterdammerung in the discount bin.
Frasier walks into his booth. Niles follows.
Niles: If you think I look smug now, wait till you see me next week. If all goes well, my lapel will be sagging under the weight of a solid gold membership pin.
Roz enters Frasier's booth.
Roz: Well, you'll certainly fit right in with all those greedy, arrogant bluebloods who wouldn't cross the street to spit on the rest of us.
Niles: Don't jinx it, Roz, I'm not in yet. There's still the cocktail party next week where they screen prospective members, and from what I hear, those can be grueling.
Frasier: So, how did this all come about?
Niles: Oh, really I give the credit to Maris. She spent five years carefully cultivating the right relationships until finally this week, fortune smiled upon us: Old Judge Clement suffered a massive stroke, and, lo! a vacancy opened up.
Frasier: Gives new meaning to the phrase, "a stroke of luck."
Niles chuckles.
Niles: It gets better! There are actually two vacancies, so my chances are double. Edgar Van Cortland has been indicted in that savings and loans scandal. Frasier, I think my time has come.
Frasier: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Niles: That's very generous of you, especially knowing you've always dreamed of a membership yourself. A lesser man would be jealous. [beat] You're not, are you?
Frasier: Not at all.
Niles: Did I mention that they have a planetarium on the third floor?
Frasier: So?!
Niles: I think my work here is done.
Niles exits. Frasier picks up his briefcase and walks into Roz's booth.
Roz: So, Niles is getting into the Empire Club?
Frasier: Well, it would appear so. More power to him. After all, he deserves to have lunch in that private dining room, and read the Wall Street Journal in that fabled mahogany library...
Roz: It's eating you up inside, isn't it?
Frasier: Like a carnivorous bacteria. If he gets into that club I should too!
Roz: [picking up phone and dialing] Well, what if I happen to know someone very high up who could probably get you invited to that cocktail party?
Frasier: Oh Roz, don't toy with me!
Roz: [into phone] Mr. Strickland, please. Just tell him it's Roz.
Frasier: Walter Strickland, Jr?!
Roz: Senior.
Frasier: [gasps] Roz, how did you ever get to know someone so important?
Roz: The less you know the happier you'll be.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment Daphne, her hair done up in curlers, is ironing clothes on the dining table. Martin enters with Eddie.
Martin: Whew! I think I need more comfortable shoes. My dogs are killing me.
Daphne: Pardon?
Martin: My dogs. My feet. What do you call them in England?
Daphne: Well, we mostly call our body parts by their rightful names. Except my uncle Harold. He named parts of his anatomy after the royal family. He walked on the Queen's pins, he sat on the Duchess of Kent. He was quite a jolly fellow. That is, until Aunt Kate caught him introducing the Prince of Wales to a cocktail waitress.
Frasier enters, wearing a tux.
Frasier: Daphne, are you almost finished with that?
Daphne: Yes I am, Dr. Crane. You'll have the handsomest midriff at the Club tonight.
Daphne gives Frasier the freshly ironed cummerbund.
Frasier: Thank you. I hope my date concurs.
Martin: Who are you taking to this shindig?
Frasier: Dr. Susan Anderson. She's as boring as unbuttered toast, but she's a brilliant physician, and been socially well- connected.
Martin: Isn't Niles a little ticked off at you horning in on his big party?
Frasier: Well, yes, he was, at first. But, then I convinced him that we could be of help to each other. If we work together, we can secure both vacancies.
Martin: Boy, you and Niles - it's been the same since you were kids. If one of you has something, the other one always has to have it too. [the doorbell rings] I had to buy two Balinese lutes, two découpage kits, two pairs of lederhosen. When you finally moved out of the house that was one embarrassing garage sale.
Frasier answers the door. It is Niles, who is also wearing a tuxedo.
Frasier: Hello, Niles.
Niles: Ready to go?
Frasier: No, actually, I'm still waiting on Susan; she's at the hospital.
Martin: Where's Maris?
Niles: Uh, she stayed in the Mercedes, practicing her vivacious giggle. Let's go over our strategy. I've prepared a crib sheet on each person on the membership committee. There you are...
Frasier and Niles sit on the couch. Niles takes some practice cards out of his pocket and gives them to Frasier.
Frasier: Hmm... School ties... business affiliations... hobbies... mistresses.
Niles: Oh, oh, oh! Now I've also done some research on our competition, and frankly, I don't think we have to worry. One of them flies coach.
They both chuckle condescendingly.
Frasier: We're as good as in!
Niles: Yes, yes...
Frasier: Unless... oh, Niles! I just had the most terrifying thought.
Niles: Hmm?
Frasier: What if some other candidate has gone to the trouble of researching... the skeletons in our own closet?
Frasier and Niles slowly look to Martin, who is opening a beer. Beer sprays all over his face, after which he attempts to wipe it off with his shirt.
Niles: Well, that's as bad as it gets.
Frasier: I wouldn't be so sure. I don't think the membership committee would look kindly on your being arrested for mooning President Nixon at the campaign rally.
Niles: I was young and firm and in love with an anarchist. Besides, that's pretty minor compared to your suicide attempt.
Frasier: [indignantly] It was not a legitimate attempt. I only stepped out on that ledge to get Lilith's attention.
The phone rings.
Niles: [getting up] Oh, you know Frasier, perhaps Maris and I should head on over without you. We can't have the other candidates getting a leg up on us.
Frasier: Oh, that's a good idea, Niles. I'll see you there.
Niles: Alright. Bye, Dad.
Martin: Good luck.
Niles: Thanks.
Niles exits.
Frasier: [answering phone] Hello? Oh, Susan, Susan! Oh my goodness, I've been expecting you. Are you in the car? Oh no, you're still at the hospital? Well, of course I understand. Well, you were a sweetheart to agree to go in the first place. I'll call you tomorrow. [hangs up] Fat chance.
Martin: Stood you up, huh?
Frasier: This is disastrous!
Martin: Well, just go stag.
Frasier: No, I've RSVP'd for two. I'll look like some loser who couldn't even scrape up a date.
Martin: Wait a minute. What are we worried about? We've got our very own Cinderella right under this roof.
Daphne enters, heading for the kitchen.
Daphne: Well, that's the last time I try to get grout up without wearing rubber gloves. I've got so much gunk under my nails I look like I've been worming a pig.
Martin: [to Frasier] Trust me, the English accent'll sell it.
Frasier looks dubious.
[SCENE_BREAK]
THE CRANE SCRUTINY
Scene Three - The Empire Club Frasier and Daphne enter a very luxuriously furnished clubroom. Men in crisp tuxedos mingle, drinking expensive liqueurs. Frasier is dazzled by the opulence of the club.
Frasier: Oh... oh, yes... oh, it's everything I've ever imagined it would be and more!
Daphne: What's that smell, Dr. Crane?
Frasier sniffs the air.
Frasier: [breathlessly] That's power. Oh, Daphne, listen, call me Frasier. I don't want people to know that you work for me, all right? If they ask, we've been dating for six months.
Daphne: Alright, Frasier. [she laughs] Anything else, Frasier? Now, are we in love, or is this just a physical thing, Frasier? [she grins]
Frasier: Oh, now just stop that!
Frasier and Daphne walk in arm in arm. Suddenly they spot Niles, who rushes over to greet them.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, Niles! How goes the chase?
Niles: Brilliantly! [he sees Daphne; breathlessly] Daphne!
Daphne: Evening, Dr. Crane.
Niles: What are you doing here?
Daphne: Oh, Frasier takes me everywhere, don't you, sweetheart? I think I'll go sample some of the hors d'oeuvres. Back in a minute, darling.
She moves off.
Niles: [apoplectic] "Sweetheart?" "Darling?"
Frasier: Listen, my date canceled, Daphne's filling in, all right? You can't honestly think that I would end up going out with Daphne?
Niles: Well, you are a man. She is a goddess... whose bedroom is, after all, only forty-one steps from your own.
Frasier: On a completely unrelated topic, where's Maris?
Niles: The last I saw, she was apologizing to one of the other candidate's wives. Apparently, Maris bumped an entire chafing dish of crabmeat into the poor woman's décolletage.
Frasier: Accidents will happen.
Niles: Yes. As long as they keep the hors d'oeuvres flowing, they will.
Frasier feels the back of one of the leather armchairs.
Frasier: [gasps] My god! Niles, feel this leather! Oh, I have had pudding stiffer than this!
Niles: Oh, Frasier! [points to a man filling a pipe nearby] Kenneth Spencer!
Frasier and Niles take out a small blue index card, scan its contents, and stroll over to Kenneth Spencer.
Frasier: Yes, Niles, I'm sure it was very satisfying being Phi Beta Kappa at Yale, but surely you would have been happier to wear the orange and black of Princeton.
Kenneth Spencer overhears and looks up suddenly.
Niles: Of course, anyone who's anyone went to Princeton.
Spencer: Excuse me, I'm Kenneth Spencer. I couldn't help but overhear you. As it happens, I went to Princeton.
Frasier/Niles: [seemingly surprised] Oh, no!
Niles: What are the odds?
Frasier: Allow me. [shaking hands] I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, and this is my brother, Dr. Niles Crane, the eminent psychiatrist.
Niles: My brother is too kind. He was already eminent when my eminence was merely imminent.
Daphne approaches.
Daphne: Here, try this caviar, Frasier.
Frasier: Thanks.
Daphne: I'm sorry it took so long, but I met the most charming gentleman, Edgar Van Cortland.
Frasier: Van Cortland? I thought he lost his membership in the S & L scandal.
Spencer: Actually, he was acquitted of all charges and reinstated in the club.
Frasier: Oh, he was innocent?
Spencer: No, just acquitted.
He chuckles, and the Crane men join in, but the shift in Frasier and Niles's attitudes is immediate and drastic.
Niles: So does that mean that there's only one membership?
Spencer: Yes - oh, but not to worry. If one of you should be selected, you can always bring the other along as a guest.
Niles: Well, if only one of us can be honored with a membership, I hope it will be you, Frasier.
Spencer: That's a very noble sentiment.
Niles: Well, I know how much it means to him. We can't risk another splashy suicide attempt.
Frasier chuckles lightly, and puts a brotherly arm around Niles's shoulders.
Frasier: That's very amusing, Niles, using humor to defuse a tense situation. I'm sure that stood you in good stead when you were in prison for threatening the president.
Niles is about to object, when Frasier squeezes his collarbone enough to make him gasp. Mr. Drake, the club president, calls from across the room.
Drake: Kenneth? Kenneth!
Spencer: Excuse me.
Kenneth Spencer moves off. Niles and Frasier begin bickering furiously, with Niles yelping in pain as Frasier tightens his grip on him. Daphne finally stops them.
Daphne: Oh, stop it! Do you intend to stand there running each other down and ruin both your chances?
Frasier: No, no.
Niles: Of course you're right.
Daphne: Thank you.
Wentworth, a butler, approaches them.
Wentworth: Cocktails, gentlemen?
Frasier: Oh, yes, I'd like two ounces of your best 18-year-old Lowland single malt scotch.
Drake: [sitting in one of the armchairs] There's a discriminating choice.
Niles: Yes, my brother has an extensive knowledge of fine wines and spirits - undoubtedly acquired during the years when he was shacked up with a barmaid.
Niles gives a light chuckle, and hurries off. Frasier smiles at Drake, and chases after Niles.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
Scene Four - Café Nervosa Frasier and Roz are sitting at a table in the corner.
Roz: So my mom says, "how come you never bring your boyfriends out to meet me?" And I say, "Mom, the plane trip to Wisconsin takes four hours, and that's longer than most of my relationships last."
Niles enters and takes a table, and apparently does not notice Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, there's Niles. No, don't look at him! Pretend we don't even see him.
Roz: Real mature, Frasier.
Frasier: Thanks to that backstabber, I will never get to say the phrase I've been rehearsing for a lifetime: "If you need me, I'll be at my club."
Roz: Frasier, this is so boring! Don't you both owe each other an apology?
Frasier: Well, yes! But I was the first to apologize last time. Oh, wait - that means it's his turn! Oh, goody, I can be mature about this!
Frasier gets up and slowly walks over to Niles's table.
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Frasier.
Frasier: After last night's behavior, I believe an apology is in order.
Niles: I agree... Well?
Frasier: "Well," what?
Niles: It's your turn. I apologized first last time.
Frasier: No, you didn't!
Niles: I did so! I distinctly remember. It was after that shouting match at the Monet exhibit. I had my secretary leave a heartfelt apology with your service.
Frasier: So you did. That means it is my turn again... Damn! [he pauses] I'm sorry.
Niles: Me too!
They both begin to apologize to each other profusely.
Frasier: I can't believe we just turned on each other like that.
Niles: It was embarrassing. My only excuse is that all my life, I have dreamed of belonging to an exclusive club like the Empire. Even as a child, when I formed clubs with my teddy bears, there were always two or three who didn't make the cut.
Niles's cell phone rings.
Niles: Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Crane. [to Frasier] It's the club. [into phone] Yes? I see. Well, thank you for considering me. If you'd care to speak to my brother he's right here. [he hands the phone to Frasier:] Be gracious.
Frasier: [dejectedly] Hello? Yes, I see. Thank you very much for calling. Goodbye. [he hangs up and stares at the table]
Niles: Don't let it get you down. We got along fine without them before and we'll get along fine now. [Frasier is silent] We are getting along without them, aren't we?
Frasier: Niles...
Niles: Oh my god... you got in.
Frasier nods.
Niles: ...Congratulations. I'd better go break the news to Maris.
[he gets up]
Frasier: Believe me, Niles, your getting passed up like this has drained every drop of joy from this.
Niles: Thank you. You're a good brother.
Niles exits the café. Roz comes over and hugs Frasier.
Frasier: YES!!! I got in, I got in! I got... shout it from the rooftops! Lattes for everyone! This is the proudest day of my life!
Niles has reentered the café to get his coat and sees Frasier rejoicing. He gives him an icy glare.
Frasier: [puts a hand on Niles's shoulder] Of course, what really matters is family.
Niles disgustedly takes Frasier's hand off and exits.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Frasier's Apartment In the kitchen, Martin is dangling a piece of meat above Eddie.
Martin: Beg! Come on, boy, we've been working on this, you can do it. Beg?
Eddie stays sitting and does nothing.
Martin: Sit! Good boy! [he gives him the meat] Frasier enters the kitchen.
Frasier: Dad, what are you doing?
Martin: I'm teaching Eddie a new trick.
Frasier: With my twenty-six-dollar-a-pound imported prosciutto?
Martin: Aw, wait'll you see it. It's worth it!
Frasier: Not unless he can sing the love duet from Tosca.
Frasier leaves the kitchen. Martin follows.
Martin: Where you going?
Frasier: [getting his coat] Down to the Empire Club. I've come to a moral decision. I'm going to insist that they give Niles my membership.
Martin: [sitting down in his chair] Wow! That's a hell of a gesture.
Frasier: Yes well, I put myself in Niles' place. After all, he's spent the last fifteen years diligently trying to climb Seattle's social ladder, then I waltz in and within two years I'm known throughout the city. To top it all off, I end up grabbing the prize he's wanted most of all. It just isn't fair.
Martin: You're a good kid, Frasier.
Frasier: Thank you, Dad. [Daphne enters, carrying a laundry basket] I might as well say this while I still can: "If anyone needs me... I'll be at my club."
He starts to exit.
Daphne: Oh, yes, the club. The club that I helped you get into. Of course, now that you're done with me, I'm just cast aside... [hangs her head] unappreciated, unloved, and forgotten.
Frasier: Yes well, I see the prosciutto isn't the only imported ham in the house.
Frasier exits.
Daphne: Give me your shirt. I'm not going down without a full load. [Martin takes off his shirt] Have you got anything white?
Martin: Yeah, but you're not getting 'em.
The doorbell rings and Daphne answers it to Niles.
Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Hello, Daphne. Hello, Dad.
Martin: Niles.
Niles turns to speak to Daphne, but she has already disappeared out the door, lowering his spirits further.
Niles: Just passed Frasier in the hall. Where was he off to?
Martin: He went to the Club.
Niles dejectedly feigns laughter.
Niles: No wonder he was evasive. I hope you don't mind my stopping by. I just had to get out of the house, and Lord knows I had no place else to go. [he collapses on the couch]
Martin: You know, Niles, you may get into that club yet.
Niles begins to chuckle but stops and lifts his head.
Niles: What are you talking about?
Martin: That's why Frasier went down there: to tell them to give his spot to you.
Niles: [sits up] Dad, is this one of your sick jokes?
Martin: Well, I thought you'd be happy! He's giving up his own membership.
Niles gets up angrily.
Niles: What exactly did you think I would be happy about?! This is humiliating - my big brother going down there to make them take me?
Martin: Well, his heart's in the right place. You could show a little gratitude.
Niles: Dad, they made their decision. If they didn't take me on my own merits I certainly don't want them to take me out of pity. I don't care if they invite me now, I don't even care if they beg!
Eddie suddenly gets up on his hind legs and starts to beg.
Martin: Good boy! Niles exits.
[SCENE_BREAK]
HE AIN'T HEAVY...HE'S MY BROTHER
Scene Six - The Empire Club Frasier is once again at the Empire Club. He sees Wentworth.
Frasier: Excuse me, is the club president here?
Wentworth: Yes, Dr. Crane. Mr. Drake is over there.
He points to a slightly elderly gentleman sitting in one of the central leather armchairs.
Frasier: Thank you. Frasier walks over to Mr. Drake.
Frasier: Excuse me, Mr. Drake?
Drake: Yes?
Frasier: Dr. Frasier Crane.
Drake: [shakes hand with Frasier] Oh yes, of course! The new blood. Please, sit down.
Frasier: Thank you. [does so] Sir, I've come here on a matter of personal business. It's about my brother, Niles. You see, Niles is a sort of... [sinking into chair] Oh... ohhhh! Oh my God! This leather's as soft as a baby's bottom!
Drake: Yes, on family night we bring the babies in and do a blindfold comparison test.
Frasier looks incredulous.
Drake: [stern] That's a joke, Crane.
Frasier: [suddenly laughing] Oh, yes! Yes, indeed, yes. Darned good one too, sir. Yes, as I was saying, although my brother may seem a bit priggish at times, believe me, he's one of the most discriminating people I've ever known. In fact, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a bigger snob in this room, I mean...
Wentworth approaches, carrying a tray containing two glasses and a bottle of port.
Wentworth: Excuse me, sir, I thought you might enjoy a glass of port.
Frasier: [Reading label] 1896?!
Drake: What are you trying to say, Crane?
Frasier: [raises his glass] Glad to be aboard, sir! [then:] No, no, no... No, I came down here to simply say that my brother deserves membership more than I do, and I would like to step down in his favor.
Drake: Are you serious?
Frasier: Yes, yes I am... after all, blood is thicker than port. [sips the port] I stand corrected!
Drake: Let me be candid with you, Crane. We all liked your brother, but some were quite firm about accepting anybody in the entertainment business. I'm afraid "radio psychiatrist" falls into that category.
Frasier: Radio psychiatrist? But Niles...
Niles enters just in time to hear:
Frasier: Mr. Drake, there's been a terrible mistake.
Niles: No, Frasier, there hasn't.
Frasier gets up hurriedly.
Frasier: Niles!
Niles: Dad told me you would be here, trying to get me into your snooty little club. Well, you needn't bother.
Frasier: Niles, you don't understand!
Niles: No, you don't understand! You don't need to be the big brother anymore. I don't need you to fight my battles!
Frasier: But, Niles-!
Niles: No, butt out!
Frasier: Okay...
Niles: [to Mr. Drake] And as for you, you've made it quite clear how you feel about me, so I'd like to share how I feel about you. I'd sooner spend my leisure time in a smelly bus station than spend one moment with you smug, elitist bigwigs, with your clichéd oriental carpets and your overstuffed chairs. [feels chair] My God, it's like a baby's bottom! [then:] You can't reject me, because I reject you! Yes, I'm talking to you, Fuzzy! I prefer to remain Niles Crane, Everyman. [he throws his arm over Wentworth's shoulders] Friend of the average Joe.
Frasier: Niles, they got our names mixed up. I didn't get in, you did.
Niles: What?
Frasier: It was you they wanted all along.
Niles: Really? I'm in? [to Wentworth] Good God, don't just stand there, man, fetch me some port and step lively!
Drake: [to Wentworth] Will you escort these gentlemen out?
Niles: Oh, no, no, no, no... [sits in chair, and begins to rub his cheek on the wing] You can't think that I meant those things that I was saying before.
Wentworth: Excuse me, sir, I'm afraid I must ask you to leave.
Niles: [stands up defiantly] You and who else?
Someone taps Niles on the shoulder. Niles turns around and sees a very large butler standing there.
Niles: Ah...
Frasier: Niles, come along. We don't need this club. Let us leave with the dignity with which we came. [exits]
Sadly, this is too much to ask from Niles:
Niles: But-but no... there's, there's been a misunderstanding, I do want to be one of you. Perhaps you could put me on probation...
The butler tries to drag him away, then just picks him up and carries him out, as Niles continues to plead.
Niles: I could just come part time, or perhaps afternoons, or just one afternoon - Thursday's a slow day - or you can pick the day, I wouldn't even have to talk to anyone, I could just sit in a chair and not say a word...
The last we see of Niles is his hand, as it frantically grabs the doorjamb to delay his bouncing.
Niles: Please, please, please! Oh, let me stay, I belong here! As his hand disappears, we FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
[SCENE_BREAK]
Frasier is relaxed on the couch, reading a paper. Eddie is on his hind legs, begging. Frasier gives him a piece of meat, yet Eddie does not stop. Frasier angrily throws the entire tray of meat on the floor and continues to read. | Plan: A: openings; Q: What does Niles hear about the club that has long fascinated the Frasier brothers? A: an exclusive club; Q: What does Niles hear about openings at? A: the brothers; Q: Who has been fascinated by the club that Niles hears about? A: Frasier; Q: Who decides to try for membership at the club? Summary: When Niles hears about openings at an exclusive club that has long fascinated the brothers, Frasier decides that he would also like to try for membership. |
"The Morning After" 2nd Episode of Roswell
Production Code: 1ADA01
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Liz writing in diary)
Voice-Over: September 27. I'm Liz Parker and I will never look at the stars in the sky the same way again. I'll never look at anything the same way again. What did Max Evans mean when he said, "I'll see you in school?" Was it "I won't be able to breathe until we meet again" or was it just something someone says to, like, fill space? And what is he thinking right now? Is he also obsessed, tortured, going through one sleepless night to the next, wondering what's going to happen between us?
(Scene shows Max sound asleep, snoring until he hears a sound. He opens his eyes, grabs his flashlight and slowly gets up. The intruder that Max almost smacks with a flashlight turns out to be Michael.)
Michael: Hold it there! Don't...hit me.
Max: Argument with Hank?
Michael: Couldn't sleep.
(Max lays out a sleeping bag for Michael and gets back into bed. When Michael shows no indication of wanting to sleep...)
Max: Hey, I was sleeping.
Michael: Amazing.
Max: What's amazing?
Michael: That you can sleep when the key to our entire existence is out there.
Max: Michael...
Michael: Max, listen... that picture Valenti showed Liz means there's someone else out there. Someone who was here in 1959. That means he was here when it crashed. He knows where we come from, he knows who we are, he knows why we're here. Maybe he knows how to get back.
Max: Michael, I know how you feel. Believe me, I want to know too. But the sheriff has that picture... so we'll never see it. I mean, that would be impossible, right? Michael?
[OPENING CREDITS]
(Michael is shown staking out the Sheriff's Station)
(Crashdown Café, in back. Maria and Liz are getting ready for work.)
Maria: ... I mean, what do we even know about these people? Nothing. How do we know that they're not 3 feet tall, green, and slimy?
Liz: I guess we don't.
Maria: And you know what else doesn't, like, particularly please me? These powers. How do we know they can't just like wiggle their noses and poof us into oblivion?
Liz: I guess we don't.
Maria: OK, you're being like so casual about this, I want to choke you! Liz, we're dealing with alie-- (Liz claps her hand over Maria's mouth as another employee walks in.)
Liz: Can you please not say that word in public?
(Crashdown Café, in front)
Maria: The point is that we don't know anything about these... Czechoslovakians. Are they good Czechoslovakians? Bad Czechoslovakians? We don't know. Are they just random Czechoslovakians? For all we know, they don't have their... passports.
(Alex pops up from the front booth)
Alex: Who's Czechoslovakian?
Maria: Hey!
Liz: Hey!
Alex: Hey... so, who's Czechoslovakian?
(Simultaneously)
Liz: The new kid at school.
Maria: The guy at the hardware store.
Liz: The new kid at school who works at the hardware store.
Maria: Exactly.
Alex: Oh. What about him?
Liz and Maria: Nothing
Alex: Fantastic.
(Liz and Maria walk away)
Maria: Czechoslovakian, 9 o'clock.
(Michael is peering through the window, watching them.)
Maria: OK, that guy creeps me out.
(At school in Geometry class. LIZ is talking to a bunch of girls. MAX is sitting at his desk across the room.)
Liz: (voiceover as she glances over at Max) The thing about Czechoslovakians that you sorta have to factor in, is they have these incredibly soulful eyes.
Liz's Friend: OK, that is totally not Mr. Singer.
(Ms. Topolsky walks in. The bell rings.)
Topolsky: Hi. I'm Kathleen Topolsky. I'll be substituting for Mr. Singer who's out sick for a couple of days.
Max's Friend: I hope he's seriously ill.
Topolsky: So... the infamous Roswell, New Mexico. Before we get started, let me just ask: Does anyone here actually believe in aliens?
(Class laughs. MAX glances over at LIZ)
Topolsky: OK, let's take roll. Uh... Bartley.
Bartley: Here.
Topolsky: Collins.
Collins: Here
Topolsky: Evans.
Max: Here
Topolsky: Guerin... Michael Guerin? Is he here today? Does anyone know where Michael is?
(Everyone looks over at MAX)
Topolsky: Evans, right? Max Evans?
Max: Yeah?
Topolsky: Do you know where Michael Guerin is?
Max: Uh... Michael's not really into Geometry.
(Class laughs)
Topolsky: He's not into it. I guess I can understand that. Pretty uninspiring stuff. Let's open our books to page 228.
(After class, in the hallway)
Liz: Hi
Max: Hi. How's it going?
Liz: Good, um, you know, things are just... things are just normal, you know? Completely normal.
Max: Good.
Liz: Um, was that weird?
Max: What?
Liz: That substitute just asked all of those questions about Michael. What was that about?
Max: I'm sure she was just taking attendance.
Liz: Right.
Max: Liz, don't worry about it. No one's suspicious of Michael. It's me.
Liz: OK
(Isabel walks up)
Isabel: Hi Liz!
Liz: Hi.
Max: Hey Iz.
Isabel: (to Max) We should go.
(Isabel grabs Max's arm and they leave.)
(Police Station. Sheriff Valenti enters and notices a strange man sitting on a folding chair in the hallway.)
Agent Hart: Good morning!
Valenti: Good morning. (Walks over to deputy.) Who is that?
Deputy: FBI. Agent Hart.
Valenti: Who's he here to talk to?
Deputy: No one, as far as I can tell.
Valenti: Well, what's he doing here?
Deputy: Doesn't appear to be doing anything. He's just been sitting there since 7 am.
Valenti: Deputy Hansen, did you ask him what he's doing here?
Deputy: Yes sir, he said that he was here on assignment and that we should go about our business as usual.
Valenti: Oh, so your response to that was just... all right.
(Valenti walks over to agent)
Valenti: Agent Hart, I'm Sheriff Valenti. Can I see some identification, please?
Agent Hart: Sorry about the intrusion. I'm here on assignment, Sheriff. You should just go about business...
Valenti: As usual. Yeah, I heard. See, my problem with that is that having a federal agent sitting smack dab in the middle of my station house isn't exactly business as usual.
Agent Hart: My orders are to not leave this chair until I'm relieved.
Valenti: Uh-huh. Agent Hart, the FBI has no jurisdiction here. Now I'm going to ask you to please get up and leave. And take your folding chair with you.
(On the high school grounds. Liz and Maria are having lunch.)
Liz: It's impossible, right, that she's not who she says she is?
Maria: Well, no one is who they say they are. I mean, what do you mean exactly?
Liz: Forget it.
Maria: What, that she's a spy?
Liz: No, don't be ridiculous.
Maria: 'Cause that kind of stuff happens, you know.
Liz: Now you're being crazy. C'mon, go on.
Maria: Well think about it. She takes attendance. What substitute teacher takes attendance? I mean, God, the whole thing is so Roswellian. I'm telling you Liz, she's been sent here.
Liz: Why would she be sent here?
Maria: To find the Czechoslovakians.
Liz: Sniff some cedar oil, Maria.
Maria: Which makes me feel that much more about what I already thought before you told me about this, which is that we should definitely, definitely, definitely tell Alex.
Liz: No. Look, Maria, we mustn't tell anyone... ever. Ever.
Maria: Mustn't? When have you ever said "mustn't"? Look, we need someone with a little perspective. OK, there's all this stuff happening, and it's dangerous. The other day the Sheriff asked me all these questions. And now we have this Topolsky person poking around. You know, that's what they do. They send special government task forces. Alien hunters. And suddenly, we're like, accessories to Czechoslovakians. We need Alex in on this.
(Liz points to Alex who is in another area of the quad talking to some girls and trying to impress them with this double-jointed arm trick he can do.)
Maria: Admittedly, he's not James Bond, but he's all we've got right now.
Alex: (to girls walking away, laughing) What, so now I'm a freak?
(Liz and Maria are at Liz's locker.)
Maria: Kyle Valenti, headed this way.
Liz: Like, in this general direction, or like, towards me?
Maria: Like, the latter.
Liz: Oh God.
Maria: What are you gonna say?
Liz: I don't even know if there's anything to say. I mean, I saw him over the summer, and it was casual. I'm sure now that we're back in school, he's just thinking of me as a summer fling.
Kyle: Liz!
Liz: Kyle!
Kyle: How's my girl?
Maria: (to Liz) See ya!
Liz: Hey.
Kyle: Hey. How's it going?
Liz: Good. You know, I'm just pretty loaded down with all this school stuff.
Kyle: Yeah I know. You take all that stuff pretty seriously.
Liz: Yeah.
Kyle: Right. Ok.
Liz: All right. (Turns to leave.)
Kyle: Listen Liz, I think it's important that we are honest with each other. I was talking with Tommy Hilligan, and he agrees with me. A person should be on time, Liz. I know we left things casual, and I understand that, but you did say that you would meet me at the Crash Festival. I just feel that if you care about a person, which I do, then you should be on time. The truth is if you were just some girl and you stiffed me like you did, I would walk in a second, but you're not--
(Liz notices Topolsky coming out of the Registrar's carrying a stack of files.)
Liz: Kyle, I really want to talk to you right now, I do, but it's just not a good time. I'm sorry, I gotta go. I'm sorry.
(Liz walks briskly through the halls to catch up with Topolsky and bumps into her, sending the files flying to the ground.)
Liz: Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about...
Topolsky: Parker, Liz
Liz: Yeah.
Topolsky: Photographic memory.
Liz: Wow, that's interesting. I've never met anyone with a photographic memory before.
Topolsky: Helps in my line of work.
Liz: Here, let me help you with that.
Topolsky: That's ok.
(Liz picks up an open file and sees Michael's picture attached to the file.)
(Liz goes to Michael's house at the trailer park.)
Liz: Hi, um, I'm looking for Michael. Guerin. Maybe I made a mistake.
Hank: Micky!
Michael: Let's go outside. C'mon. (outside) You're sure it was my records, it was definitely my records?
Liz: Yeah.
Michael: She asked about me in class?
Liz: Oh, well she was just taking attendance and so when you weren't there, she asked the class if anyone knew you.
Michael: So she's looking for me.
Liz: I don't know what's going on, Michael. I just thought I should tell you.
Michael: Thanks.
Liz: Sure.
Michael: Listen, if Hank insulted you or anything...
Liz: Oh no, no.
Michael: You kind of have to ignore him.
Liz: Sorry... to just show up here.
Michael: It's where I live. Thanks.
(Evening. Sheriff is on the phone in his office.)
Valenti: Yeah, I know it's late. But he sent an agent into my building. I think I've got a right to an immediate explanation... No, I won't call back... No, tomorrow is not acceptable... Yeah, I'm sorry about it too. Listen... No, excuse me... Hello? Hello?
(Valenti hangs up. He opens a locked file drawer and pulls out a file, which has the autopsy photographs of the corpse with a silver imprint on its chest. In the back of the file is a sealed envelope, which Valenti rips away and opens. Inside the envelope is a key. Valenti sticks the key in his thermos, stuffs the thermos into a paper bag, and places the bag inside his desk drawer. Valenti then leaves the police station.)
(Valenti drives past a mini-mart just as Michael walks out. Michael is carrying a big paper brown bag under one arm. He walks into the Sheriff's station, looks at the signs on the wall and starts to make his way to his designation. He is stopped by one of the deputies.)
Deputy Hansen: Can I help you?
Michael: Good evening, Deputy. I'm selling candies for charity.
Deputy Hansen: Charity?
Michael: Yeah, I'm on the committee to re-open Westlake Orphanage, Deputy... Hansen. You can be a part of helping to find homes for dozens of children in need. Single boxes are six dollars a piece, and I feel obliged to strongly recommend the peanut clusters. They are good.
Deputy Hansen: Well, I'm kind of trying to lay off the sweets right now.
Michael: Understood Deputy. If it's all right, I'll just take a look to see who else is around.
Deputy Hansen: There's nobody up that corridor.
Michael: Um, what if I came back tomorrow night?
Deputy Hansen: Well, it's usually pretty empty at night.
Michael: Well, thanks for your help, Deputy.
(Michael runs into another Deputy on his way out)
Deputy: What are you doing here?
Michael: I'm selling candies for charity.
Deputy: Not in here, you're not.
Michael: Yes sir.
(In the Evans' living room)
Isabel: Are you insane?!?
Michael: I didn't just wander in, all right? I had a cover story.
Max: And what was your cover story?
Michael: I was selling candies for charity. Peanut cluster?
Max: And they bought it?
Michael: No, they all seemed to be on a diet.
Isabel: Not the candy, Einstein, the story.
Michael: Yeah, they bought the story. Why are you wearing that?
Isabel: Because, Michael, I have a date...with a guy...that I like. In fact, I like my whole life here. In fact, I have a date next Friday that I'm hoping I won't have to miss because I'm running from the law.
Michael: You two, the point is this. That file has got to be in Valenti's office. All right? He leaves for the day at 7:30. There's no one else in the entire wing of the Sheriff's station. We go in, we find the file, we get the info, we put the file back--
Max: So how do we break in? Hypothetically.
Michael: The window. It's got a lock on it. Nothing you can't handle.
Max: Alarm system? (Looks at Isabel who is giving him a warning look.) Hypothetically.
Michael: Piece of cake. Even I could deactivate it.
Isabel: Max, don't humor him. I can't believe you're even considering this.
Max: I just want to know how feasible the plan is... Which it's not...feasible. It's not feasible, Michael.
Michael: This is what we've been waiting for our entire lives. I mean this is the first time we've ever had any clue that might tell us who we are. We don't have a choice.
(The Evans parents enter off screen.)
Mr. Evans: Hey!
Mrs. Evans: Anybody here?
Michael: And with government agents after us, we had better get our asses in gear, don't you think?
Max: Agents?
Isabel: What are you talking about?
Michael: Talk to Liz.
(Parents enter the living room.)
Mr. Evans: You guys hungry?
Mrs. Evans: Hey guys, we got pizza. (to Isabel) Hey honey, you look...pretty. (to Michael) Oh Michael... hi.
Michael: Hey, I was just leaving.
Mr. Evans: We got plenty of pizza.
Michael: My dad's cooking. Thanks.
Mrs. Evans: Well, I'm starved. C'mon guys. Plates, napkins, let's eat!
[SCENE_BREAK]
(In Geometry class)
Topolsky: And we know that the sum of A, B, and C equals 360 degrees.
Liz: (murmuring to herself) What is she talking about?
Topolsky: Ms. Parker?
Liz: 180.
Topolsky: I'm sorry?
Liz: It's a triangle. You know... the sum of the parts would be 180 degrees.
(Class laughs.)
Topolsky: Right. Right, of course. Equals 180 degrees.
(Max and Liz share a look.)
(After class in the hallway)
Max: ...but she pulled other students' records.
Liz: Well, yeah, but the point is that she pulled Michael's.
Max: How many others were there?
Liz: I don't know, maybe 10.
Max: Well, 10's a lot.
Liz: OK it might have only been 5. I'm not sure how many there were.
Max: You can't just show up at Michael's and get him riled up like that. You don't know him. He's not big into "let's go over our options." He acts on things.
Liz: Look, I'm sorry, I just thought that Michael was in danger and that I'd better tell him.
Max: In danger of what?
Liz: I don't know. I have no idea. Look, I am just saying that if there is a spy among us, don't you think it behooves us to do something about it?
Max: Spy?
Liz: Well yeah.
Max: Liz...
Liz: No, Max, that sort of thing exists, doesn't it? There's like special branches of the government... alien hunters, you know, that sort of thing.
Max: So you think Ms. Topolsky is an alien hunter.
Liz: When you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous.
Max: Liz, thank you, you know, for looking out for us. But we have to go on with life as it was before this happened. And we have to be careful now. All of us. You, too.
(Max is walking through the hallway and looks through a window. He sees Ms. Topolsky talking to Sheriff Valenti and another man. Max wonders if Liz might be right.)
(In the women's bathroom. Maria is reading a note from Max to Liz that says "Meet me in the 2nd Floor Eraser Room 6th Period, Max")
Maria: The Eraser room, huh? Liz, do you know what the 2nd floor eraser room means?
Liz: Of course I know what it means... What does it mean?
Maria: It's where Greg Coleman gave Marlene Garcia that hickey the size of a softball. It's where Richie Roher and Amanda Lourdes consummated everything...
Liz: OK, Maria, you know what? You're just making this into something it's not.
Maria: Liz, I don't think you should do this. OK? I mean, we don't know what can happen. I mean, the guy touched you and you saw into his soul. How do we know what happens if he kisses you? How do we know what it is to be kissed by a Czechoslovakian? You don't.
Liz: OK, Maria, no one is kissing anyone here. I mean, Max isn't even the least bit interested in me. You know, he said that things were just like they used to be before. Nothing's changed. He said that.
Maria: Oh my God, it's not just kissing that goes on in the Eraser Room.
Liz's Friend from Geometry: She's got that right.
Maria: The Eraser Room does two things: cleans erasers and takes our innocence. Do you know what I mean by "takes our innocence," Liz? The Eraser Room has taken some of the best of us.
(Valenti is sitting in his office. Agent Stevens walks in.)
Agent Stevens: Good afternoon, Sheriff.
Valenti: Agent Stevens. You don't write, you don't call. I'm sorry about kicking junior out of here the other day. He had no jurisdiction. No offense.
Agent Stevens: None taken.
Valenti: So, what'd you guys find on that waitress uniform?
Agent Stevens: Well several things actually, sheriff: tomatoes, salt, water, sugar, vinegar-ketchup, Sheriff, no blood. We've wasted enough tax-payer dollars to try to find something that isn't out there. No space ship landed here in 1947. No aliens are currently residing in Roswell, New Mexico. I've been given the authority by the governor to search the premises to remove any information pertaining to UFOs, alien sightings, and other alleged paranormal occurrences in this county. This thing is over, Sheriff. (To his men) Let's get on with it, guys.
Valenti: You found blood on the dress. Why else would you care enough to remove my files. Wouldn't that be a waste of tax-payer dollars?
Agent Hart: (to Agent Stevens about the file cabinet) It's locked.
Agent Stevens: (Reaching for the file cabinet key from Valenti) This won't take long. Thank you, Sheriff.
Valenti: (Taking his thermos with the key in it) Make yourself at home. I'm going to lunch.
(Using binoculars, Michael watches Valenti walking out of his office carrying his thermos.)
(Eraser Room)
Liz: So, um, this is the Eraser Room. I've never been here before.
Max: I just thought we should be somewhere private.
Liz: Right. (She locks the door.)
Max: You were right about Topolsky. She isn't who she appears to be.
Liz: Oh.
Max: She's been using this office. I thought we should find out why she's here.
Liz: Yeah.
Max: She has off 6th and 7th period, so we might be here a while.
(Outside police station, Michael watches as men remove files.)
(Eraser Room)
Liz: OK, I'm still confused. If you crash-landed in 1947, are you really 16 or are you like 52 in a 16-year-old's body? Or do you guys just age differently? I mean, is like 1 alien year equal to 3 human years?
Max: You've thought about this a lot, haven't you?
Liz: Kind of.
Max: Well, we know we came out of the pods in 1989. We just don't know how long we were there. When we came out we looked like 6 year olds.
Liz: So were you like green?
Max: Green?
Liz: Before you took human form, were you 3 feet tall and green and slimy? (laughs, embarrassed). You know, I'm very sorry for asking you that; it's Maria's question.
Max: No, we just always looked like this. Except for the, uh, third eye. (Max looks down at the ground as Liz casually looks over at him. Max then leans over as if to tie his shoelace and Liz leans forward staring at the back of Max's head. Max peeks over and sees Liz looking at his head.) Kidding!
Liz: Yeah, I knew you were kidding. (Laughs and playfully shoves him.) You're such a jerk!
Liz: So uh, you really have no idea where you're from, like what planet, or who your people are besides Michael and Isabel?
Max: No idea.
Liz: Well, that must be kind of freeing in a way.
Max: Freeing?
Liz: Um, well just with me, you know, my parents own the Crashdown, so everyone in town knows who I am. Like, if I so much as get a haircut, everyone seems to notice, and they have to give me their opinion on it. It kind of makes life claustrophobic. It's like, you know, how am I ever supposed to become whoever it is that I'm gonna become while everyone is looking? You know? Sometimes I wish I could just be invisible.
Max: Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be so invisible.
(They hear Topolsky enter her office, and they turn to look through the grate.)
Topolsky: OK, I looked though all of them, and this is where I wanted to start.
Unknown Man: Michael Guerin. Have you interviewed him yet?
Topolsky: He hasn't set foot in school since I've been here. But if Muhammad doesn't come to the mountain...
Unknown Man: Do you want me to go talk to him?
Topolsky: No, I'll do it. Just check and make sure the address is correct.
Unknown Man: You got it.
(Max and Liz pull up in front of the Crashdown Café. Michael approaches Max.).
Max: (to Liz) Five minutes.
Liz: Right
(Liz goes into the café.)
Max: Michael, something's up.
Michael: They're taking things out of the Sheriff's office.
Max: What?
Michael: I don't know. Some guys in suits. So we gotta get in there. It's now or never, Max.
(In the Crashdown Café)
Maria: (To customer) You know, I'd steer you to this side of the menu. (Sees Liz enter.) Oh excuse me. (To Liz) Where have you been?
Liz: I need you to cover for me.
Maria: When?
Liz: Tonight.
Maria: Oh, no. It's a zoo.
Customer: Excuse me, I've been waiting for my hot fudge blast off for like 20 minutes.
Maria: (Under her breath) Yeah, like you need 80 grams of fat. (to Liz) OK, so one trip to the eraser room and you're like above working? Go get your uniform on, Madonna. The masses are demanding alien-themed, greasy food and by God, it's our job to serve it to them.
Liz: No look, Maria, this is really important. I promise I will tell you everything later. You're the best, but right now I've gotta go.
(Alex stops Liz as she's leaving.)
Alex: OK, I want some answers, all right? Because first of all, there are rumors going around that last week you were shot here in the cafe. And then at the crash festival you (motions to Maria) were seemingly run over by a car, but then you weren't. And every time I walk up to you two, you go silent or make up some ridiculous story about Czechoslovakia, which is a country that has not existed for 10 years. So I want the truth, and I want it now.
Liz: Alex, the reason that we keep on changing the subject is...
Maria: Cramps. We have cramps, Alex.
Liz: Yeah, and we didn't even want to talk about it in front of you because we thought it would make you feel really uncomfortable.
Maria: But if you want really want to know, we can tell you.
Liz: In really excruciating detail.
Alex: No! I'm eating. (He walks off.)
Liz: (to Maria) Thank you.
(in the parking lot)
Max: Michael, it's important to me, too.
Michael: All you want to do is protect what you've got here in Roswell.
Max: That's right, I do.
Michael: Have you ever thought what it's like here for me, Max?
Max: Of course I have.
(They turn to see Liz waiting by Jeep)
Max: Look, the woman who pulled your records, she's on her way to your place.
Michael: What?
Max: Just stay away from there tonight. Isabel is waiting for you at our house. Just go there and wait.
Michael: Wait for her to find me?
Max: Don't do anything stupid. (Michael stalks off.)
(Kyle Valenti pulls up in front of the Crashdown as Liz and Max are leaving.)
Kyle: Liz!
(Kyle get into his car and follows them. Max and Liz pull up in front of the trailer park with Kyle not far behind.)
Liz: So, how did you end up where you ended up, and Michael ended up here?
Max: It's a long story.
Liz: Is his foster father always, um, so...
Max: Tough? Yeah.
(Topolsky pulls up in front of Michael's trailer. Liz moves closer to Max in order to watch Topolsky. Kyle is visibly upset. Liz drops something.)
Liz: My ring! (She bends over to pick it up.)
Kyle: Oh my God! Liz! Get up! Liz...(Gets out of car and heads over to the Jeep)
Topolsky: (to Hank when he answers the door) Sorry to bother you. I'm looking for Michael.
Kyle: Liz!
Liz: Kyle!
Kyle: Hey, Max.
Max: (whispers) Hey, Kyle.
Kyle: What going on?
Liz: (whispers) Nothing.
Kyle: Why are you whispering?
Liz: (whispers) We're just, uh, waiting for Michael. We're gonna go, uh...
Max: Bowl.
Kyle: Why are you whispering?
Liz: (whispers) We're going bowling!
Kyle: Liz, what were you doing down there?
Liz: (whispers) Oh, I dropped my ring.
Kyle: Why are you whispering?
Topolsky: (to Hank) Why don't I give you my number. Could you have Michael call me?
Kyle: Bowling?
(Topolsky finishes talking to Hank and turns around to head for her car.)
Max: Liz!
(Max ducks down and Kyle follows)
Kyle: What?
Liz: Max!
Kyle: What are you doing?
(Topolsky hears Kyle and glances over. Kyle and Max are out of sight, but Topolsky sees Liz.)
(Michael goes to the Sheriff's station and looks up at the window.)
(Max is walking Liz from the car.)
Max: Maybe when this all blows over, you and I could get lunch or something?
Liz: Lunch?
Max: Yeah, if you want.
Liz: So, like in the Caf?
Max: Sure.
Liz: Okay, great. It's a date--no! It's not a date...it's... a lunch.
Max: Lunch... Right.
Liz: I better get home.
Max: Yeah, me too.
(Max notices Isabel waving for him come.)
Max: Good night, Liz.
Liz: Good night.
(Max approaches Isabel)
Isabel: Michael's AWOL.
(Michael uses his powers to open a locked window grate at the Sheriff's station, but overdoes it and nearly falls off. He slips into Valenti's office.)
(Max and Isabel are in the car headed toward Police Station)
Isabel: You know the guy doesn't know how to control his powers.
Max: I know.
(Max and Isabel see the window grate open and know Michael is there. Meanwhile, Michael goes through the Sheriff's files. Max and Isabel see Valenti pulling into the station.)
Isabel: You get Michael out of there. I'll keep Valenti out of his office as long as I can.
Max: Right.
(Inside the police station)
Deputy: Forget something?
Valenti: Papers.
Isabel: Sheriff? I'm so glad someone's here. I have a flat tire, and I am so not mechanical.
Deputy: Sheriff. You're off duty, Sheriff. I'd be happy to help the young lady out.
Sheriff: It's ok deputy. I've got it.
(Max climbs through the window as Michael finds the key Valenti hid in his thermos.)
Max: Michael, let's go, now! Valenti's back! Let's go! Michael!
(As Michael picks up the key, he gets hit with a vision so intense that he falls backwards. Valenti, the deputy, and Isabel can hear his fall. Valenti tells Isabel to stay put and he and the deputy head upstairs toward his office.)
Max: Let's go, let's go!
(Michael and Max exit the office and Max reseals the locked window. Both jump into a garbage dumpster before Valenti arrives. Seeing nothing in the office, he checks the window grate and finds it locked.)
Michael: (As they climb out of the garbage dumpster) Told you it was no big deal.
(In front of the Police Station)
Valenti: (After fixing the flat tire) There you go. You're all set Miss Evans.
Isabel: Thanks, thanks a lot
Valenti: Isabel, right?
Isabel: Yeah
Valenti: You're out past the curfew.
Isabel: Well, I had a flat tire.
Valenti: Right. Where's Max tonight?
Isabel: Oh. I have no idea. I'm just his sister, not his keeper.
(In the jeep in front of Max's trailer. Max reaches for the key and gets no vision. Isabel reaches for it and acts as if she has a vision.)
Michael: What did you see?
Isabel: Ricky Martin in the shower.
(Michael takes the key and walks toward his trailer. Max goes after him.)
Max: Hey. (Michael turns.) Sorry about before. Maybe I don't really know what it's like for you.
Michael: The thing I've realized is the fact that my life basically sucks is a good thing. It's easier. We always have to be able to leave, pack a suitcase, go somewhere else. Maybe 10 years from now, maybe a week from now, maybe tomorrow. So my advice? Don't get in too deep, Maximillian. It only makes us weaker.
(Next day on the school grounds. LIZ is walking through the hallway. TOPOLSKY appears behind her)
Topolsky: Miss Parker! I have some questions for you about Michael Guerin. Your friend Michael is in serious trouble. I'm not a substitute teacher. I saw you at Michael's house last night. I'm the new guidance counselor.
Liz: (murmuring) Guidance counselor.
Topolsky: And Michael is a boy who's in serious danger of being expelled from this school. If you're really a friend, you'll talk to him. You'll have him come in and meet with me. Soon. Are you with me Miss Parker?
Liz: I'll tell him.
Topolsky: Thank you.
(As Topolsky walks away, Liz sees Kyle staring at her.)
Voice-Over: Ever since I found out about Max and Michael and Isabel, I've been thinking a lot about secrets.
That for everyone who has a secret, there's someone else who needs to know what that secret is. (Scene of Valenti discovering that the key is missing.) How sometimes secrets keep people from feeling like they belong. (Scene of Michael watching the Evans family play basketball together in their driveway) And sometimes secrets make you feel like you do belong. (Scene of Liz and Max in the Eraser Room.) And now even I, Liz Parker, the smallest of small town girls with the simplest of lives-- even I have something to hide. (Liz finishes writing in her journal and then smiles.) | Plan: A: the pilot episode; Q: In what episode of the show did Liz Parker learn Max Evans' secret? A: Liz Parker; Q: Who learns Max Evans' secret? A: Max Evans '; Q: Who saves Liz Parker's life? A: suspicion; Q: What did Liz Parker's life saving raise with Sheriff Valenti? A: secrecy; Q: What is Max Evans sworn to? A: Maria; Q: Who did Liz Parker tell about Max Evans' secret? A: Isabel; Q: What is Max Evans' sister's name? A: Michael; Q: Who is Max Evans' friend? A: orphaned extraterrestrials; Q: What is Max Evans' secret? Summary: In the pilot episode of the show, Liz Parker learns Max Evans ' out-of-this-world secret when he saves her life after being shot at the crash down. After saving Liz's life it rises suspicion with Sheriff Valenti . After learning where Max comes from and is sworn to secrecy Liz tells Maria after Maria kept asking questions. Now, Max, his sister Isabel , and their friend Michael must rely on them to safeguard their secret as orphaned extraterrestrials. |
OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE - VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING
[Lorelai shuffles sleepily into kitchen where Rory is busily working]
RORY: Oh, hi! Great! I'm still on my finals sleep schedule, and, man, am I wired. What time is it? Like, 3:00 in the morning? I cannot tell anymore. Want some mac and cheese? I love mac and cheese when I can't sleep. [She checks the refrigerator while Lorelai rubs her eyes.] Cool. Individual cheese slices. So, I've been making out my résumé so I can try to get a summer job, because there is no way that I am going to swipe cafeteria cards again next year. [Buzzer sounds in background.] My whites are done. [Rory moves to the laundry room while Lorelai rests head on the kitchen table.] Do you know that the best time to do your laundry at Yale is in the middle of the night? You have your pick of washers, the place has just been swept, and the trash is completely empty. So, what do you think? [Rory brings another clothes basket to laundry room] The Stars Hollow Gazette needs a facts checker, but Rob's Tire is offering way more money. I know that now is the time to suffer for my art, but I was so brok
LORELAI: Great to have you home, hon. [She shuffles off to bed as Rory rattles the doorknob.]
CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN LOBBY
MICHEL: Okay, I think I've got all the rooms assigned for the test run.
LORELAI: Hit me.
MICHEL: Miss Patty is in room one, Babette is in two. I put Taylor in three, the corner room. The Siegels will go in five, you and Rory are in six -
LORELAI: W-wait, what happened to four?
MICHEL: Four is taken.
LORELAI: By whom?
MICHEL: By friends of mine. Sookie and Jackson are in -
LORELAI: Which friends of yours?
MICHEL: You said I could invite friends of mine, did you not?
LORELAI: I did.
MICHEL: Okay, so I did that. I invited two of my friends, and I put them in room four, and now room four is taken with my friends as you suggested, okay?
LORELAI: Paw-paw and Chin Chin cannot come to the test run.
MICHEL: Why not?
LORELAI: Because they are dogs, Michel.
MICHEL: They cannot stay home by themselves. They get lonely and they eat expensive Italian things.
LORELAI: Then get yourself a Chow sitter, because room four is for human beings only.
TOM: Terrific, they're on their way up. [Lorelai approaches with Michel following]
LORELAI: Oh, hey, Tom, I'm putting Post-its where we need paint touch-ups.
TOM: Got it.
LORELAI: And, you know, we got that test run Saturday. I was really hoping to have some doors by then.
TOM: I told you, the doors are coming.
LORELAI: You told me that two weeks ago.
TOM: And I'm sure I meant it.
LORELAI: Tom!
TOM: I'm calling right now.
MICHEL: I don't understand why you get to bring Rory, and I don't get to bring my Chows.
LORELAI: Because I'm mad with power.
MICHEL: They are cleaner than she is. They are quieter than she is.
LORELAI: Stop comparing your dogs to my kid.
MICHEL: As much as you love Rory, that is how much I love Paw-paw and Chin Chin.
LORELAI: I gave birth to her! I carried her inside me, and nine months and twenty-six hours later, she came out!
MICHEL: If I could have given birth to them myself, I would have, but I didn't have that choice! [They both approach Kirk loading wood into the fireplace.]
LORELAI: I think that's enough wood there, Kirk.
KIRK: I put wood in all the guest rooms and the living room, so all I have to do is store the rest of the cord you bought.
LORELAI: Okay, Michel will take you outside and show you where it goes.
KIRK: Outside? Do you really want to expose your wood to the elements?
LORELAI: We'll get a tarp. Michel?
MICHEL: Any dogs, Kirk?
KIRK: Dogs urinate on wood. I hate dogs.
[They both leave. Lorelai turns to Lulu, who is seated nearby.]
LORELAI: Going with Kirk on his rounds again, Lulu?
LULU: Uh-huh. I just love it when he looks like the Brawny paper towel guy.
LORELAI: It is a good outfit.
LULU: The place looks absolutely wonderful, Lorelai. When does it open?
LORELAI: Two weeks, but we're having a test run on Saturday -- just a bunch of friends who will hopefully still be our friends on Monday.
LULU: Sounds wonderful.
LORELAI: Hey, You and Kirk should come.
LULU: Really?
LORELAI: Sure. I'll give you Paw-paw and Chin Chin's room. We'd love to have you.
LULU: Wow, we would love to come. And I know Kirk would feel better being able to check up on the wood.
LORELAI: Kirk's lucky to have found you, Lulu. [Lulu giggles.]
CUT TO DRAGONFLY KITCHEN
[Sookie bustles around the busy kitchen inspecting the workers.]
SOOKIE: Oh, pretty garnish! That's some good mincing there. Just enough walnut. Is that fish done? It should be done. Perfect.
LORELAI: Ooh, man, it smells great in here.
SOOKIE: This is the best kitchen staff I've ever had, ever! I don't know how we got them, but they're amazing! I got to show you this mincing. Seriously...
LORELAI: No, no, no, no. I believe you. They seem terrific. But, um, Sookie, so there are seven workers in here, and we're only budgeted for five.
SOOKIE: I know.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] That's a problem.
SOOKIE: Yes. See, I hired seven, figuring that at least two would crap out, and then we'd have five.
LORELAI: And?
SOOKIE: And none did.
LORELAI: So what do we do?
SOOKIE: I don't know.
LORELAI: Well, maybe the test run will break a couple of them, but if no one quits, honey, you got to fire two of them.
[Michel enters kitchen]
MICHEL: [Sighs] There are all sorts of chromosomes missing from that man.
LORELAI: Put Kirk and Lulu in room four.
MICHEL: You cut me.
LORELAI: Okay, so is that it for the rooms?
MICHEL: Basically, yes. You and Rory in six, Luke in seven.
LORELAI: Luke?
MICHEL: Yes, Luke
LORELAI: Oh! So is he coming? Luke's coming?
MICHEL: Is he not supposed to?
LORELAI: No, no, of course he was. I mean, he was invited quite a while ago...before anything happened. [Michel stares dumbfounded] I mean, I didn't know he was coming, that's all. Okay, so good. Luke's in room seven. Lucky number seven. Not that it's lucky for Luke, 'cause I don't know what's lucky for Luke, okay?
SOOKIE: Look at how he chopped these onions. I just want to shove a string through them and wear them around my neck!
MICHEL: That wouldn't be at all eccentric.
LORELAI: Oh! Oh, honey, come here. [Lorelai embraces Sookie.]
SOOKIE: What? [Lorelai chuckles.] What is that for?
LORELAI: In all the craziness, I completely forgot that today is your wedding anniversary.
SOOKIE: Oh, my god! [dashes off]
CUT TO RORY'S BEDROOM
[Rory wakes from sleep with a Post-It stuck to her forehead. "Lunch at Luke's" is written on it. She sits up to find her bed filled with clean, folded laundry covering it.]
CUT TO LANE'S APARTMENT
[Lane and Rory are playing video games]
RORY: Where'd he go?
LANE: I don't know.
RORY: What do I do?
LANE: I don't know!
RORY: Did I lose?
LANE: Well, you have no head, so probably.
RORY: So this is what teenage boys are doing instead of watching television?
LANE: Apparently.
RORY: Seems like a lateral move.
LANE: Hey, you hungry?
RORY: I'm starving.
LANE: Well, your timing is perfect, 'cause I went to the store yesterday.
[Lane starts pulling up floorboards.]
RORY: Are you kidding me? You just got away from the floorboard life.
LANE: Boys will eat everything. I bought vanilla-almond body lotion the other day.
RORY: No.
LANE: On chips -- mine, by the way.
RORY: So, Jess came by to see me.
LANE: You've been here 20 minutes, and you drop this now?
RORY: He just showed up at my dorm on Saturday night.
LANE: Why? What did he say?
RORY: Well -
LANE: Wait! [pulls out chip and poises to listen] [ Sighs ] Go.
RORY: I got home from this awful setup.
LANE: The guy your grandmother brought by?
RORY: That's the one.
LANE: He was that bad?
RORY: James Spader in "Pretty in Pink."
LANE: You could have just stopped at "James Spader."
RORY: Anyway, I left the pub, got back to my dorm, and Jess was there.
LANE: What did he want?
RORY: He wanted me to come away with him.
LANE: Oh, my God! What did you say?
RORY: I said -- I don't know. It was so weird. He was just... Jess. I mean, he shows up out of no where with this crazy proposal. It was awful.
LANE: It doesn't sound awful.
RORY: What are you talking about? Jess bailed on me twice.
LANE: I know, but how incredibly romantic to have this guy show up out of the blue and want to take you away with him.
RORY: When I first met Jess, I thought, "What could be better than this? He's smart, good taste in books and music, so cute." But Jess is great one minute and then the next - you know, as far as I know, I could have said yes, packed my bag, and by the time I got to the car, he would have changed his mind.
LANE: It's part of why he's cute. He's unpredictable.
RORY: I guess. You know, when I was with Dean, I always knew that no matter what happened, he would be there.
LANE: Dean was very dependable.
RORY: It was more than that. He's -- well, he was so... um, I was safe, and he was so nice to me.
LANE: He really loved you.
RORY: I think I really blew it there, you know? I didn't appreciate it.
LANE: Every girl has to fall for a bad boy. It's the rule. It's the reason so many accountants eventually get married.
CUT STARS HOLLOW STREET
TROUBADOUR: [singing] Hey, she's a piratey soul, full of vinegar and glitter, she is a song of her own, from down the wrong end of the river, wild like the lily-a-passion, have you ever had the honors - oh, no, no, no, no, no way
RORY: Hi.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai is sitting at table watching Luke intently. Rory enters.]
RORY: I can't believe you didn't wake me up.
LORELAI: Me and what army?
RORY: I only have so much time off. I don't want to waste it all sleeping till noon.
LORELAI: There was no waking you up. You were completely out of it. We're talking Farrah on "Letterman." Hey.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Luke is coming over here. I want you to pay very close attention.
RORY: To what?
LORELAI: Shh.
LUKE: Coffee?
LORELAI: Oh, sure, coffee would be great. Coffee, hon? Yeah, she'll have coffee.
LUKE: Okay. You want a minute?
LORELAI: Yes, a minute would be great.
LUKE: Okay.
LORELAI: Well?
RORY: What?
LORELAI: You notice anything?
RORY: Anything?
LORELAI: Anything weird, anything different?
RORY: About Luke?
LORELAI: Of course about Luke. Did you notice anything different?
RORY: Like what?
LORELAI: Like a vibe, an attitude. Did he look at me differently?
RORY: Differently than what?
LORELAI: Differently than he did.
RORY: Differently than he did when?
LORELAI: Before.
RORY: Before what?
LORELAI: Before before. Rory!
RORY: How on earth can you be frustrated with me right now?
LORELAI: Fine. Come here.
[Lorelai hurriedly pushes Rory out the diner door.]
RORY: What's your damage, Heather?
LORELAI: I think I'm dating Luke.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: I'm not sure. It's just a possibility. I could be wrong.
RORY: But how? When?
LORELAI: I went with him to his sister's wedding, and it was really nice. We had a really good time. We laughed a lot, and we ate, and then we danced.
RORY: Danced? How?
LORELAI: We pop-locked.
RORY: Was it a fast dance, slow dance, group dance?
LORELAI: It was a slow dance. What is "group dance?"
RORY: The hustle, the hora.
LORELAI: No hustle, no hora. It was a slow dance -- a waltz. Luke can waltz.
RORY: Luke can waltz?!
LORELAI: Luke can waltz.
RORY: Look how you just said, "Luke can waltz."
LORELAI: What, I'm just saying, I'm surprised that Luke can waltz.
RORY: That sounded more like, "I'm surprised I still have my clothes on."
LORELAI: Oh, stop.
RORY: What else happened?
LORELAI: Nothing. We spent the evening together. We danced, he walked me home, then he asked me to a movie. All of these things individually do not add up to dating, but together, I don't know. And there was this moment, when he walked me home, where I thought -- I don't know.
RORY: Did you say yes?
LORELAI: When?
RORY: To the movie. Did you say yes?
LORELAI: Yes.
RORY: That sounds like dating to me.
LORELAI: But maybe he didn't mean it as a date thing. Maybe he just needed to get out of the house, and since I'm currently one of the women sitting home, thinking, "If I could only find a man like Aragorn," he picked me.
RORY: Okay, whoa, this is Luke.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: Our Luke -- the town Luke. We see him every day. He's a part of our lives.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: I mean, everyone will know. They'll know if you're together, they'll know if you're not together.
LORELAI: I know.
RORY: You can't just date Luke. When you're with Luke, you are with Luke. And if it doesn't work out, it will be really bad for both of us. I mean, how do you feel about this? Do you want to be dating Luke?
LORELAI: Okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves here. I don't even know if this is what he's thinking. This could be a totally innocent situation, and then we've done all this what-iffing for nothing. Let's just go back in there and see if anything's weird, okay?
RORY: Okay.
LORELAI: Okay. [they re-enter diner]
LUKE: Is everything okay?
LORELAI: Yes. [nonchalantly leans against their table and tumbles entire contents making lots of noise]
LUKE: [unphased] I'll get the broom.
RORY: That was a little weird.
[Rory gazes out diner window and sees Dean across street walking on sidewalk. Their eyes meet. Rory smiles and waves. Dean frowns, changes direction and walks off. Rory's smile fades]
CUT TO ELDER GILMORE DINING ROOM TABLE
LORELAI: Two radish roses for a carrot curl?
RORY: Deal.
EMILY: You're trading garnish?
LORELAI: Yes, but only 'cause the dinner's gross.
EMILY: Very nice.
LORELAI: I don't like rabbit.
EMILY: How convenient. You're not eating rabbit.
LORELAI: But this is rabbit sauce.
RICHARD: It is rabbit sauce.
EMILY: It is not rabbit sauce. Do not tell her that it's rabbit sauce.
RICHARD: It tastes like rabbit sauce to me.
EMILY: That just goes to show how much attention you give to meals that are prepared for you.
LORELAI: If it isn't rabbit, then what is it?
EMILY: It's duck.
LORELAI: Oh, well, where's that carrot curl?
RORY: I haven't seen a radish rose.
EMILY: Never mind. Don't eat it. Sriva, come get the plates. We're done.
RICHARD: Not everyone is done.
EMILY: Just bring out the dessert, please. So, Rory, I was thinking maybe we should go away this summer, just you and me. You should do Europe right at least once in your life, and this seems like the perfect time.
RORY: Oh, well, Grandma, I don't really know what I'm doing this summer yet, but that sounds really nice.
LORELAI: And really out of the blue.
RICHARD: I agree.
LORELAI: Were you going mention this to me?
EMILY: I just did.
LORELAI: No, before you opened the peanuts.
EMILY: Plans aren't made, Lorelai. It was just an idea. If Rory doesn't want to go, then Rory doesn't have to go.
RORY: Rory didn't say she didn't want to go.
LORELAI: That's right, Rory's mother was just marveling at the "hey, look over here" approach to the invitation. [She notices Richard frowning and looking impatient.] You okay, dad?
RICHARD: I'm fine. When is dessert? I have work to do.
EMILY: It's coming as quickly as the woman can spoon fruit over ice cream.
RICHARD: Well, clearly, she has carpal tunnel or some other modern disease which is slowing her down.
EMILY: If she's going too slow for you, why don't you just go into the kitchen and give her a hand?
LORELAI: I forgot to mention, we're doing a test run at the inn this weekend.
EMILY: What?
LORELAI: Yeah, We're inviting all our friends to spend the weekend, just to make sure we're ready to open.
RICHARD: Well, that sounds sensible.
LORELAI: Hey, you know what would be great? If the two of you came.
EMILY: What?
LORELAI: For the weekend.
EMILY: Oh.
RICHARD: Well...
LORELAI: I mean, I've been working toward this goal for, my God, what is it, Rory, now, twenty years?
RORY: Twenty years.
LORELAI: Twenty years, wow. So basically, this is the biggest thing that's ever happened to me in my life, except for Rory being born, and I'm sure my parents wouldn't want to miss it. I mean, unless there's some specific reason why you guys can't come, both of you together. No? Okay, good, so you'll be there. Fantastic. Isn't that great, Rory? Grandma and Grandpa are coming to the test run together.
RICHARD: Lorelai -
LORELAI: Dad, seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me.
EMILY: We wouldn't miss it for the world.
CUT TO EXTERIOR OF ELDER GILMORE FRONT ENTRANCE
[Lorelai and Rory exit and move towards their vehicle.]
RORY: So, inviting them to stay in the inn is going to do what?
LORELAI: I'm not inviting them to stay in the inn. I'm inviting them to stay in the bungalow 150 feet away from the inn.
RORY: Diabolical.
LORELAI: I'm going to lock those two in a room, and they are either coming out reconciled or in a body bag. Believe you me, I'm fine either way.
RORY: Well, look who died and made you Hayley Mills.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Kirk rushes in, passes Luke to the back of diner.]
LUKE: Hey Kirk, just sit -
KIRK: We need to talk.
LUKE: Where are you going? Hey! [follows Kirk to back and into Luke's apartment] Get out of my apartment.
KIRK: This place is small. I always pictured you in a bigger place.
LUKE: Do me a favor and don't picture me in any place, okay, Kirk?
KIRK: You have nice windows, though. I don't have windows. My room at my mom's house used to be a bomb shelter. It's very cold but great for racquetball.
LUKE: Kirk, what do you want?
KIRK: I need to talk to you. You're the only one I can confide in.
LUKE: Oh, goody.
KIRK: Lorelai invited Lulu and me to the test run of the inn.
LUKE: Uh-huh.
KIRK: Lulu is very excited about the invitation. It's all she talks about -- a romantic weekend at the inn with me. [absently shuffles through Luke's mail - Luke slaps them from his hands and sets the letters aside] Anyhow, I'm a little concerned about this invitation, because Lulu and I have never spent the night together.
LUKE: Oh well, this is not a comfortable area for me.
KIRK: I mean, we've had s*x -- lots and lots of s*x.
LUKE: And this is even more uncomfortable.
KIRK: We just haven't actually spent the night together.
LUKE: Why not?
KIRK: I have night terrors.
LUKE: Night terrors?
KIRK: Basically, I freak out at beddy-bye. About an hour after I fall asleep, I wake up in panic. Everything around me seems threatening, scary, out to get me. Two nights ago, I was suddenly gripped with the overwhelming feeling that there was an assassin in my house.
LUKE: Jeez.
KIRK: I had to get out of the room before he got me, so I jumped out of bed and locked my pillow in the bathroom.
LUKE: Why?
KIRK: Because it was a bomb.
LUKE: Of course.
KIRK: After neutralizing my pillow, I ran up the stairs, climbed out the bathroom window, scaled the trellis up the side of the house, and hid on the roof...
LUKE: Huh.
KIRK: Completely naked.
LUKE: Aw, jeez!
KIRK: The worst part of night terrors is it always ends up with me on top of the roof completely naked or running down the street completely naked or swimming in the community-center pool completely naked. That was the time I thought I was on fire.
LUKE: Kirk, that's terrible.
KIRK: Well, I'm used to it now, so it's kind of second nature to me, but Lulu -
LUKE: Right, Lulu.
KIRK: How is she going to take it? I mean, I could scare her or ninja-kick her and lock her up with a pillow. I think I love her, Luke, and I haven't even told her that I love her. I spelled it out in chocolate-covered Oreos once, but she was really hungry, and I'm not sure if she read it first. I can't assault her before I tell her I love her.
LUKE: What do you want me to do about it?
KIRK: I called the Dragonfly and had them put me and Lulu in the room right next to yours. That way, if you hear anything -- screaming or Russian -- you can come in and pull me off of Lulu.
LUKE: Oh.
KIRK: Unless, when you come in, it looks like you shouldn't pull me off of Lulu.
LUKE: Kirk.
KIRK: You can use your judgment on that one.
LUKE: Kirk, I-I don't know about this.
KIRK: Please! This weekend means so much to her. I can't tell her we're not going.
LUKE: [ long suffering sigh ] Fine.
KIRK: Thank you, Luke, thank you. Remember, anything weird, just jump on in.
LUKE: I got it, Kirk. [walks Kirk to door]
KIRK: Just don't touch my bottom, or I'll think you have a machete.
LUKE: If you want this to happen, do not use the word "bottom" with me again, Kirk.
KIRK: Right. See you later. Hey, Luke?
LUKE: What, Kirk?
KIRK: What kind of clothes are you bringing?
CUT TO DRAGONFLY INN FRONT DESK
SOOKIE: My kitchen staff's great -- all seven of them!
RORY: Hang in there, Sookie.
SOOKIE: If only one would suck, maybe it would rub off on the rest.
RORY: Plenty of sucking potential still out there, have some faith.
LORELAI: [talking on walkie-talkie] Tom, where are my doors? They were supposed to be here by now.
TOM: [voice on walkie-talkie] Yeah, I know. They took a wrong turn and headed to Woodbridge.
LORELAI: What?
TOM: Relax, I'm trying to track them down.
LORELAI: Um, Tom, guests are showing up here any second. They have no doors. People will have to get very friendly very quickly.
TOM: I got the guy on the phone. I'll get right back to you.
LORELAI: Tom? Tom? [Chuckles to Rory] Hey, I've changed my mind. I want to be a ballerina.
RORY: Good timing.
SOOKIE: Okay. So, we don't have doors, and every single person I hired is fantastic. We're doomed.
MICHEL: [voice on walkie-talkie] The guests are arriving. I repeat, the guests are arriving.
LORELAI: No, Michel, we still don't have doors. Is there anything you can do to stall them?
MICHEL: No. I'm bringing them up now.
SOOKIE: Boy, if he was on my kitchen staff, we'd be home free by now.
TOM: [voice on walkie-talkie] I got 'em.
LORELAI: Doors? You got the doors?
TOM: They're on their way up. My guys will be standing by to get them on.
LORELAI: Tom, I'm loving you like a two dollar whore.
TOM: Terrific. I'll tell the wife.
LORELAI: Okay. Everybody, the doors are on the way, guests are coming. Everybody outside to greet them. It's showtime. Let's go! Okay, everyone, remember, these people are not our friends. They are customers. Just relax, don't rush, and don't kill anybody.
SOOKIE: Here they come! [three open trolleys arrive with guests]
MISS PATTY: Oh, look at that!
[Indistinct conversations]
LORELAI: Hi, everyone. Welcome to the Dragonfly Inn.
MISS PATTY: Oh, will you look at this place!
BABETTE: It's a paradise. Oh, Lorelai, the babies that are going to be conceived on this property!
MISS PATTY: Oh, are those horses! Babette, look at the horses.
LORELAI: That's Cletus and Desdemona, and if anyone would like to go for a ride, Michel can set it up for you. [Taylor approaches]
TAYLOR: The ride up here was very dusty, Lorelai. You should warn people not to wear their white pants upon arrival.
LORELAI: I will do that, Taylor.
TAYLOR: So, do I bring my own bags in or...?
LORELAI: No, you don't. Eric, Jeremy, Sam, these bags, please.
TAYLOR: The blue one has breakables.
[Tom walks up]
TOM: Okay, they're unloading them in the back. I already sent Dean in to start putting them up.
LORELAI: Great. Thank you, Tom.
RORY: I'll be right back.
LORELAI: [calls to Rory as she runs off] Make sure the keys are ready. [as Kirk and Lulu approach] Well, hey there, you two! Good to see you!
LULU: I am so excited to be here. Thank you so much for the invitation.
LORELAI: You're welcome. Have a good time.
LULU: Oh, horses. [wanders off to look closer]
KIRK: Is Luke here yet?
LORELAI: No, he's not, Kirk.
KIRK: But he's coming, right? He'll be here before I go to sleep?
LORELAI: I have no idea, Kirk. Why?
KIRK: It's a guy thing.
CUT TO INTERIOR OF DRAGONFLY ENTRYWAY
[Rory starts to climb stairs and sees Dean in the side hall carrying a door.]
RORY: Hi.
DEAN: [Breathing heavily - sets down door] Hey. [shifts uncomfortably] I have to get this upstairs.
RORY: Can't we talk?
DEAN: What about?
RORY: He didn't stay.
DEAN: Yeah. I don't care.
RORY: I told him to go. He went. He's gone.
DEAN: Well, great.
RORY: Why are you so mad?
DEAN: I'm not mad. I'm working.
RORY: I left you three messages. You didn't answer any of them. You blew me off at Luke's today. You won't look me in the eye.
DEAN: [ Sighs ] I have to go.
RORY: I told him to leave.
DEAN: You told me to leave, also.
RORY: I told you to leave so I could tell him to leave.
DEAN: That makes sense.
RORY: It does make sense, Dean. I didn't ask him to come. I did ask you to come, remember?
DEAN: I know. I just -
RORY: What -- why are you so mad?
DEAN: I thought you were back with him or something.
RORY: No, I'm not back with him.
DEAN: I thought you were.
RORY: Well, I'm not. But even if I was back with him, why would it bother you so much?
DEAN: I don't like him.
RORY: Okay.
DEAN: And I...I don't want you with him.
RORY: Right. Because he doesn't treat me right, right?
DEAN: Right. [leans in a little]
RORY: And you wouldn't want me to be with someone who doesn't treat me right, because... you're my friend, right?
DEAN: Right... I'm your friend. [leans closer to Rory]
TOM: Dean! How we doing with those doors? [They jump apart.]
DEAN: W-we're doing fine, Tom. [resumes carrying door]
CUT TO LOBBY FRONT DESK
LORELAI: there you go, Freddy, you're in room nine. Just follow your door.
[Freddy follows man carrying a door up stairs. Miss Patty approaches.]
MISS PATTY: Oh, honey, this place is spectacular.
LORELAI: Thanks, Patty. You're in room one. I hope you like it.
MISS PATTY: Oh, I just know everything's going to be perfect. There is nothing that you could do that I wouldn't love.
LORELAI: No, that is not the point here. This is a test run. We need to work out all the kinks this weekend so they don't happen again, so we're depending on your feedback, and especially your criticism.
MISS PATTY: All right, I promise to be a pain.
LORELAI: I appreciate that. Just follow your door to your room.
MISS PATTY: Oh. [Chuckles - eyes light up when she sees the young man with her door] After you, sweetheart.
[Taylor approaches]
TAYLOR: Well, you can count on me for my feedback, Lorelai. I promise you that. In fact, I've already got fourteen complaints written down.
LORELAI: Oh!
TAYLOR: Most of them are small infractions, but it's the little things -- the details -- that distinguish the Barbra Streisands from the Roslyn Kinds.
LORELAI: Absolutely, Taylor.
TAYLOR: I even took it upon myself to bring my own comment cards just in case you didn't think to supply them.
LORELAI: Well, we did supply comment cards, but I'm sure yours are even better.
TAYLOR: That was a very polite response. I'm writing that down.
CUT TO INN ENTRY STAIRS
[Kirk descends stairs]
KIRK: Excuse me, I need some stuff taken out of my room.
MICHEL: What stuff?
KIRK: The lamp, the bronze bookends, the books, the shoehorns, the sewing kit. Are the paintings bolted to the walls?
MICHEL: Yes.
KIRK: Well, bring some pliers in case simple yanking doesn't do it.
MICHEL: I am not yanking the pictures off the wall.
KIRK: Well, apparently, you've never been in love.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO INN FRONT DESK
LORELAI: There you go, room eight. [hands keys to two men] Just follow your door. [Rory approaches] Hey, you know, this door thing is actually pretty fun.
RORY: Michel said to fill in for him. Kirk has him taking the light bulbs out of all the sconces.
[Emily and Richard enter from front followed by much luggage]
LOREALI: Oh, Mom, Dad! Look, Rory, there are your grandparents and everything they own.
EMILY: You didn't tell us what attire was required, so I had to pack everything.
RORY: Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandpa. We're so glad you could come.
RICHARD: We're delighted to be here. May we have our key? I'm tired from the drive.
LORELAI: It takes twenty minutes to get here.
RICHARD: It felt longer.
EMILY: Which way do we go, upstairs?
LORELAI: No, mom, you and dad aren't upstairs. You're in our nicest room. Guys, will you take my parents to room twelve? The boys will take you there.
EMILY: Where are they going?
LORELAI: Just follow them, Mom.
EMILY: They're heading outside.
LORELAI: Yes. Your room has its own entrance for privacy.
EMILY: Oh. Well, fine. We'll see you later, Rory.
RORY: Bye. [Emily and Richard leave] You are the bad seed.
LORELAI: "I have the prettiest mother. Everybody thinks so." [strokes Rory's cheek while speaking in odd voice]
[Luke enters Inn with bouquet of flowers in hand - looking around. Lorelai smoothes hair, leaves Front desk and approaches Luke]
LORELAI: Hey, hi. You came.
LUKE: Sure. I RSVP'd.
LORELAI: Oh.
LUKE: Here, these are for you -- a little congratulations. [hands Lorelai the flowers]
LORELAI: Oh, my God, they're beautiful. Thank you. [flustered] I was - um...well, okay, so, we should get you all, uh, checked in. And that's...over there.
LUKE: [ Chuckles ] You okay?
LORELAI: Oh, God, yeah. Me? I'm totally fine. [turns toward the front desk and hits face into a door as man walks by] Oh!
LUKE: Lorelai!
LORELAI: [hits head again] Oh, God. Um, [Chuckles] I'm fine. No problem. [squinting in pain] Um, that was your door, so you could just follow that on up...and we'll see you at dinner. Rory? [beckons Rory to bring key]
LUKE: Are you sure you're okay?
LORELAI: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine It's like the third time I did that today. It's a bit. . [Rory approaches and hands Luke his key] We're going to be the comedy inn. We finally found our theme. So, you got your key, and, uh, b-b-bye. [Luke exits up the stairs. Rory stares at Lorelai strangely.] I've locked you in before, and I will do it again. [Giggles and smells the flowers.]
CUT TO INN DINING ROOM - EVENING MEAL
[Indistinct conversations. Lorelai moves from table to table checking on guests]
LORELAI: [approaches Rory and Jackson's table] Hey, how it going?
RORY: It's going very well.
JACKSON: Very, very well.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] Oh, Jackson, I love the shirt.
JACKSON: Isn't it great? It's an anniversary gift from Sookie.
RORY: Sweet, huh?
LORELAI: These two kids.
JACKSON: I got to tell you, I was completely surprised. I figured, with the test run and everything, she'd be way too busy to remember.
LORELAI: Aw, What are you talking about, Sookie could never forget her mushroom man.
JACKSON: I'd love her to forget that nickname though.
RORY: The food's great, mom.
JACKSON: Yes, it is great.
RORY: Although I admit, I know the chef, so I'm a little biased.
JACKSON: You're a little biased. I'm sleeping with her.
RORY: You also grew the vegetables.
JACKSON: Oh, I did. I can't be trusted at all. [Tom walks past]
LORELAI: Wow Tom, I have never seen you in a suit before!
TOM: Really? 'Cause I'm more a suit guy than anything else.
LORELAI: Hmm. [leans back toward Rory] I'm going to make the rounds.
RORY: We'll be here. [Lorelai approaches table with Babette, Luke, and Miss Patty seated. Babette and Miss Patty are wearing fluffy hotel robes, Luke stares uncomfortably at his meal]
LORELAI: Hi, how is everything this evening?
BABETTE: Oh, my god, these robes!
MISS PATTY: What are they made of? 'Cause I am never getting dressed again.
LORELAI: [to Luke] How are you doing?
LUKE: I'm just staring at my plate.
BABETTE: He's shy. My bathrobe slipped earlier, and his poor little heart couldn't take it.
MISS PATTY: He's been staring at his salad ever since.
LUKE: I like salad. [Lorelai and Luke share a glance and a smile.]
BABETTE: Patty, you wanna try my fish?
MISS PATTY: Fish has too much mercury
BABETTE: For this fish, you'll eat the mercury
MISS PATTY: Oh yeah?
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] Okay, well, you two go easy on him, now.
BABETTE: We'll try.
[Lorelai continues to watch Luke, walking away as she crashes into a waiter.]
LORELAI: Oh! I'm sorry, Derek.
DEREK: You okay?
LORELAI: Well, there's a debate going on about that.
[Derek leads Kirk and Lulu toward their table. Kirk leans down to Luke]
KIRK: We're all set up.
LUKE: Stop whispering in my ear, Kirk.
KIRK: I'm just saying...
LUKE: You're still doing it, Kirk. [Derek seats Kirk and Lulu at Taylor's table]
DEREK: Can I get you anything, Mr. Doose?
TAYLOR: Another pen would be nice.
DEREK: Do you have enough paper?
TAYLOR: Just the pen will be fine.
DEREK: Coming right up. [leaves]
[Sookie approaches]
SOOKIE: Hey, Taylor, how is he?
TAYLOR: Who?
SOOKIE: The kid, Derek. Is he rude, slow, stupid?
TAYLOR: No, actually, he's been an excellent waiter all evening.
SOOKIE: Crap. [Taylor looks puzzled]
CUT TO INN KITCHEN
LORELAI: Hey, I have no need of salad in my life ever, but this is amazing.
SOOKIE: He's great. [dejected tone] They're all great. What happened to the disenfranchised youth of America? Where did all these worker bees come from?
LORELAI: Cheer up, Sookie, the food's going over like gangbusters.
SOOKIE: Yeah.
[Michel enters]
MICHEL: I went to check on the backup generators. Everything is fine.
LORELAI: And the dinner's going great.
MICHEL: Everyone's settled, the doors are up.
SOOKIE: Everyone seems happy.
LORELAI: They do, don't they? ...This is gonna work. [They all grin]
[Lorelai exits kitchen toward the front lobby - sees Jason standing there]
LORELAI: [dumbfounded] Uh, w-what are you doing here?
JASON: The place looks great.
LORELAI: Thank you. What are you doing here?
JASON: We need to talk.
LORELAI: Not now we don't.
JASON: I stayed away, I gave you space.
LORELAI: You gave me space? We broke up.
JASON: I didn't look at it that way. I looked at it as a cooling-off period.
LORELAI: How very revisionist of you. Jason, I'm working.
JASON: Ten minutes.
LORELAI: No!
JASON: Lorelai, we were doing great.
LORELAI: Until you decided to sue my father, yeah, we rocked. Thank you. Goodbye.
JASON: I am not leaving.
LORELAI: Jason, please, I have an inn full of people here.
JASON: Okay, um, one room, please.
LORELAI: What?
JASON: I would like a room. How much is a room?
LORELAI: No, no. Jason, you can't stay here. Every room is taken. Please go. I will call you on Monday.
JASON: I can't wait until Monday. It gives you too much time to talk yourself out of trying again.
LORELAI: First I would have to talk myself into trying again, so let's make it Tuesday.
JASON: I'll wait till you're done.
LORELAI: I'm not going to be done for two days.
JASON: I'll wait till you take a break.
LORELAI: I will not have a break for two days.
JASON: This is a terrible job. I would like a word with your boss. Who is above you?
LOREALI: Jason, I can't do this.
JASON: Lorelai, I've been sitting in my apartment for two weeks staring at a dead plant that you gave me. Now I know we can work this out. I am not leaving until we do.
LORELAI: Oh, boy.
JASON: Just go about your business, and when you're ready to talk, I will be here. [sits down in lobby chair - picks up book on table] Oh, look, "Above Connecticut." I've been looking for that.
LORELAI: Well... [moves off through dining room, where desert and coffee is being served. ]
CUT TO DINING ROOM -- NIGHT
[Dining tables now hold board games and various guests are grouped together to play.]
LULU: Hey, Kirk, I'm getting tired.
KIRK: You are?
LULU: Would you mind if we went to bed?
KIRK: Uh, no, that's fine. You're tired. So, then...[Shouting] Let's go upstairs and go to bed!
LULU: Okay. Good night, everyone.
KIRK: I'm right behind you. [lingers by Luke's table and jerks head, motioning to Luke]
BABETTE: I think Kirk wants you to go upstairs and make love to him.
LUKE: Will you just roll? [Babette shakes dice for Yahtzee]
CUT TO RORY AND TOM'S TABLE
[Lorelai approaches)
LORELAI: [ Sighs ] Hey, how's it going here?
TOM: She's letting me win. It's very annoying.
RORY: How's it going with you?
LORELAI: Well, we locked the kitchen crew in with Michel for twenty minutes, and it backfired a little. Six of them quit, and we have to start hiring again tomorrow. When you're done, would you run home and grab some CDs? I totally forgot to have them in case one of the guests wants to play something in their room.
RORY: Sure, no problem. Hey, you do notice that Jason's sitting in the other room, right?
LORELAI: Yeah, I'm handling it
RORY: Okay. [Lorelai exits the dining area while Luke looks on with some concern.]
CUT TO LOBBY
LORELAI: Here. [hands Jason plate of hot food]
JASON: What's this?
LORELAI: You've been sitting there all night. You must be hungry. Eat something.
JASON: Thanks. Here, sit and have dinner with me.
LORELAI: Oh, Jason.
JASON: I'll feed you. It'll be adorable.
LORELAI: How much longer are you going to stay?
JASON: Just long enough to fix everything that went wrong between us. Luckily, I'm currently unemployed. I have plenty of time. [Luke watches from a distance in dining room]
LORELAI: You're very stubborn.
JASON: I just refuse to lose the things that are important to me. [Lorelai sighs.]
CUT TO DINING AREA
[Babette rolls dice. Luke watches the activity in the lobby, oblivious to the game action]
BABETTE: Full house! Oh, my God, I'm kicking your ass!
LUKE: Hey, Babette, who's that?
BABETTE: Who's what? Oh, that's Jason Stiles. He was Lorelai's boyfriend for the last six months.
LUKE: Oh, yeah?
BABETTE: Yeah. Not exactly who I pictured her with, but he does have a very nice car. Anyhow, they were hiding their relationship from her parents, 'cause Jason was her father's business partner. Well, of course, the parents found out about it, and all hell broke loose. Jason wound up suing Lorelai's father.
LUKE: They still together?
BABETTE: I don't know. I thought they broke up, but he's here, so maybe. I could ask Patty for you if you want. Sometimes she gets the news first, 'cause her phone line picks up other people's conversations -- something about proximity to the power lines. I'll tell ya, location, location, location. [Luke continues to watch Lorelai and Jason]
CUT TO LOBBY
LORELAI: I have to get back to work.
JASON: Go, work. I'm fine. I'm comfortable. I have food, Sookie brought me wine, and I've moved on to "Gnomes of the West."
LORELAI: I'll have someone bring you out some dessert. [Lorelai walks toward front desk]
[Emily barges into lobby]
EMILY: Lorelai Gilmore, why would you do that?!
LORELAI: Do what?
EMILY: You stuck your father and me out in that Godforsaken cabin!
LORELAI: It's the honeymoon suite.
EMILY: One room, no access to the main building, pitch-black at night.
LORELAI: It's romantic.
EMILY: No television, no radio.
LORELAI: Actually there is a television. It's in the cabinet behind--
EMILY: And then the room service.
LORELAI: Roast beef and champagne.
EMILY: The one chance to get out of there, away from each other, and you yank it away!
LORELAI: Why would you want to get away from each other, Mom? Are you and Dad fighting?
EMILY: Stop it! You know! You know your father and I are separated, and you brought us out here and stuck us in the woods to stare at each other for 48 hours!
LORELAI: What was I supposed to do? You weren't saying anything, Dad wasn't saying anything.
EMILY: Of all the cruel, insensitive -
LORELAI: How was I supposed to know I was supposed to know?
EMILY: You did know!
LORELAI: But you didn't want me to know.
EMILY: Of course I didn't want you to know.
LORELAI: Exactly.
EMILY: Exactly what?
LORELAI: You didn't want me to know, so I didn't know, and now you're mad I didn't know?
EMILY: Because you did know!
LORELAI: But I wasn't supposed to know, so I acted like I didn't know!
EMILY: And then you forced your father and me to come here tonight under pretense of family obligation.
LORELAI: Well, hello, that's the Gilmore way.
EMILY: I won't stay out in that cabin one more second. I demand a room in here.
LORELAI: We don't have any rooms in here, Mom. They're all taken.
EMILY: Then bump someone.
LORELAI: Can't you and Dad just talk about it?
EMILY: No, you stop it right now! This is none of your business.
LORELAI: What happened? Was it Floyd's lawsuit?
EMILY: Lorelai, just give me a room.
LORELAI: I don't have a room, Mom.
EMILY: You don't have a room for your mother?
LORELAI: I have a room for my mother. It's the room my mother's in.
EMILY: That's not a room. That's a practical joke.
LORELAI: No, it was a chance for you and Dad to do something special.
EMILY: Fine. If you won't find me another room, then I'll just sit in there until tomorrow. [She walks into seating area of the lobby.] Jason.
JASON: Emily.
EMILY: Do you have a room?
LORELAI: No, Mom, he doesn't. He just showed up here, because, apparently, it's Blake Edwards night at the dragonfly.
[Richard enters.]
RICHARD: Emily. [sees Jason] Jason?
JASON: Richard.
EMILY: He has a room.
RICHARD: Are you trying to kill us?
LORELAI: [exasperated] Oh, my god.
RICHARD: I packed our things. I think it's time to go. [Emily leaves.] I hope you've had your fun.
LOREALI: Oh, yeah, it's been a blast.
JASON: Can I get their room? [Lorelai narrows her eyes and leaves.]
CUT TO LORELAI AND RORY'S HOUSE - BACK KITCHEN DOOR
[Rory opens back door]
DEAN: Hey.
RORY: How'd you know I was here?
DEAN: Your mom said she sent you on an errand.
RORY: Ah, you went right to the source.
DEAN: [ Chuckles ] Can I -
RORY: Sure.
DEAN: Thanks.
RORY: I'm just trying to find some CDs for the Dragonfly.
DEAN: I hear Taylor's a big hip-hop fan.
RORY: Oh, he hops with the hippest of them.
CUT TO RORY'S ROOM
DEAN: Your room looks the same.
RORY: Yeah, I tried that whole French revival thing, but it didn't really work for me.
DEAN: So, um, is it weird being back at home after being away for a while?
RORY: No, it feels completely normal.
DEAN: So, um [Chuckles] Today...
RORY: Yes, today.
DEAN: An interesting day.
RORY: I'd authorize a case study if I could.
DEAN: You know, I could be wrong, but somehow I had a feeling that maybe if Tom hadn't have come in when he did -
RORY: Dean?
DEAN: Yeah?
RORY: Lindsay.
DEAN: It's not working with Lindsay. I can't make it work. I've tried.
RORY: Are you sure? Because I've heard that the first two years of marriage are the hardest.
DEAN: We're not happy. She's not happy, and I can't make her happy.
RORY: I can't imagine that.
DEAN: It was a mistake, and I know that now. From the very beginning, it wasn't -
RORY: Wasn't what?
DEAN: It wasn't...
RORY: Maybe you could, um, go see a counselor or go away together.
DEAN: No, it's just -- it's over. We both feel it. I know we both feel it.
RORY: You and Lindsay?
DEAN: Yeah, me and Lindsay.
RORY: You both feel it's over?
DEAN: I tried. We tried.
RORY: Well, if it's over, I'm sorry.
DEAN: You are?
RORY: I'm sorry you're not happy.
DEAN: I'll be happy again. Things happen for a reason, right? [moves closer]
RORY: Right. I can't believe this is -- that we're... [moving closer]
DEAN: I can... [They kiss. Dean slowly lowers Rory to her bed.]
CUT TO INN LOBBY
[Luke enters from dining area - all is deserted except for Luke and Jason.]
LUKE: Hey. How you doing? [approaches]
JASON: Good.
LUKE: Good. Luke Danes. [offers hand shake]
JASON: Jason Stiles. [takes Luke's hand]
LUKE: So, I see you had the pot roast. [sits down in chair next to Jason]
JASON: Yeah.
LUKE: Good, huh?
JASON: Yeah, very good.
LUKE: All the food was great tonight. So, Jason Stiles, Jason Stiles. I'll tell ya, that name is familiar.
JASON: I'm a friend of Lorelai's.
LUKE: Yeah, me too. I own the diner in town.
JASON: Yeah, she's mentioned you.
LUKE: Has she? Well, it's nice to be mentioned. [chuckles ] So, uh, [clears throat] you know Lorelai from where?
JASON: Actually, we're dating.
LUKE: You're dating?
JASON: Going on six months.
LUKE: You're dating now?
JASON: Yeah.
LUKE: Oh sorry, my mistake. I thought you two had, uh -
JASON: well, we hit a rough patch, but we're working through it.
LUKE: Well, good for you.
JASON: when it's right, it's right, and Lorelai and I are right.
LUKE: That's great. I'm very happy for you.
JASON: Thanks. Hey, you have any idea where the men's room is?
LUKE: It's back through the dining room.
JASON: Thanks, it was nice meeting you.
LUKE: Sure, you too.
[Luke sits and stews on their conversation. He finally shakes head and rises. Lorelai enters.]
LORELAI: Hey. The last one up?
LUKE: No, not the last one.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] You okay? I heard Babette was kicking your butt at Yahtzee.
LUKE: Actually, I'm feeling pretty stupid right now.
LORELAI: Why?
LUKE: I'm not a mysterious man, am I?
LORELAI: Well, the wardrobe's a bit of a head scratcher.
LUKE: I think I've been very, very clear with my intentions -
LORELAI: Your...
LUKE: You know, the wedding, the movie invite, the flowers.
LORELAI: [ Chuckles ] Luke -
LUKE: You knew what I was doing!
LORELAI: Well, no, not officially.
LUKE: Not officially? Oh, come on. I mean, I didn't have a ref present, but other than that.
LORELAI: Well, you didn't say anything official.
LUKE: What was I supposed to say? I did things. I let my actions speak. That's what you're supposed to do. Your supposed to let your actions speak. That's the romantic way to do this, damn it.
LORELAI: Okay, you're right. I'm sorry.
LUKE: And you went along with all of it. So naturally, I assumed we were on the same page, and then your boyfriend shows up here at the inn that I invested in.
[Lorelai reacts]
LORELAI: Whoa, what boyfriend? Are you talking about Jason?
LUKE: No, Tom. Yes, Jason.
LORELAI: You guys were talking? What did he say?
LUKE: He said you were together. I mean, I was sitting there listening to this guy spout on and on about how it's right, you're right, he's right. The whole time, I'm thinking, "What the hell have I been doing all this for? She's taken." [Storms out the front door - Lorelai follows]
LORELAI: I -- I'm not taken! We broke up!
LUKE: Well, he doesn't know that!
LORELAI: Well, just calm down!
LUKE: Aw, I don't want to calm down! I did everything right! I did exactly what the book said!
LORELAI: The book?!
LUKE: I thought we were on track, and now you're standing there looking at me like I'm crazy.
LORELAI: I'm not looking at you like you're crazy!
LUKE: You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when! Very easy stat to remember!
LORELAI: I loved the flowers!
LUKE: And then when I walked you home after the wedding, there was a moment. I thought there was a moment.
LORELAI: There was! There was a moment. [Luke gazes at Lorelai, then moves closer.]
LORELAI: What are you doing?
LUKE: Will you just stand still?
[He gathers her in his arms and they kiss. Lorelai pulls away then moves back closer to Luke.]
LUKE: What are you doing?
LORELAI: Will you just stand still?
[She holds his face as she kisses him. Luke's arms wrap around her as they kiss. She pulls away again. As they gaze at each other, Luke grasps her waist and pulls her back.]
KIRK: Aaaaah! [running down stairs, buck naked with only a pillow covering himself.] Aaah! Aaaah! [runs out the door in terror into the night] Aaaaah! Aaaah!
LUKE: I'll be right back. [Lorelai looks puzzled] I'll explain later. [runs after Kirk]
KIRK: Aaah! Aaah!
CUT TO LORELAI AND RORY'S HOUSE
[Lorelai enters front door running up the stairs]
LORELAI: Rory! Oh, my God. You're missing everything. [runs up the stairs] Grab those CDs and head back to the inn before you miss the cross-dressing midgets. That's where the night is headed. Oh! Things are happening -- big things, wow things. I have so much to tell you. [descends the stairs with box of Band-aids] Let me just open with this little tidbit -- Kirk running naked through the square. Of course, with all my careful planning and preparation, I forgot to bring Band-aids and a camera. I have got to learn that, always, without fail, Kirk equals camera. [sees Rory standing alone in kitchen] Hey, what's going on?
RORY: Dean came over to borrow something. [Dean exits Rory's bedroom to join her in kitchen]
DEAN: Yeah. [ Clears throat ] Thanks.
RORY: You're welcome.
DEAN: So, um, I should go. Um...bye, Lorelai.
RORY: Bye, Dean. [the door closes] So, I'm almost done getting the CDs together. I picked a wide selection so we'd have choices, and then I picked a bunch that probably only you will like, but it's good to have options.
LORELAI: [sighs and looks at Rory's rumpled bed] So, what did he borrow?
RORY: I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about it first. I know I promised I would, but I swear, I didn't know that this was going to happen. I mean, I didn't know he was going to show up tonight, and it just happened. It's awful for you to find out like this, I know, but everything's okay. I'm okay, and we were, you know, safe. So all those Trojan man jokes all these years really apparently stuck. And I'm lucky, too, because Dean, he's -- well, aren't you glad that it happened with someone who's good and really loves me?
LORELAI: But he's married.
RORY: You don't understand the situation.
LORELAI: Is he still married?
RORY: Yes, but -
LORELAI: Then I understand the situation.
RORY: It's not working out between them. They're not happy.
LORELAI: Oh, Rory.
RORY: He tried the best he could, but it didn't work. It's over.
LORELAI: [ Sighs ] He told you that?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: He told you he's leaving her?
RORY: Well -
LORELAI: He told you he's moving out, they're getting divorced, he's got a lawyer, they've divided up the monster-truck season tickets?
RORY: We didn't get around to discussing everything.
LORELAI: You didn't get around to discussing everything?
RORY: It was a crazy night.
LORELAI: You, of all people -- the girl who thinks everything through, the list maker -- you didn't bother to discuss those things before jumping into bed with a married guy?
RORY: He's not a married guy. He's Dean -- my Dean.
LORELAI: He's not your Dean. He's Lindsay's Dean. You're the other woman.
RORY: I told you, it's over.
LORELAI: It's not over until he's out of the house with the ring off.
RORY: He took the ring off.
LORELAI: Oh, my God, I don't believe this.
RORY: He's in love with me, not Lindsay.
LORELAI: Does Lindsay know that?
RORY: She's not good for him, okay? She lets him quit school and work himself to death and -
LORELAI: No, Rory, uh-uh, you can't be one of those girls who blames the wife for forcing the husband to cheat.
RORY: He wasn't cheating.
LORELAI: He was cheating, Rory. He was cheating, and you were cheating with him. There's no other way to spin that, kid.
RORY: I'm not spinning it, and I'm not a kid. I'm 19.
LORELAI: This is your first time. It's just not the way your first time was supposed to be.
RORY: Oh, and how was my first time supposed to be?
LORELAI: Well, first of all, it was supposed to be in a retirement home. And secondly, ideally, it was supposed to be with someone single.
RORY: My first time was with someone sweet and kind who loves me.
LORELAI: I didn't raise you to be like this. I didn't raise you to be the kind of girl who sleeps with someone else's husband.
RORY: You slept with dad when he was with Sherry.
LORELAI: He wasn't married to Sherry.
RORY: He was engaged, and she was pregnant.
LORELAI: So, this is all my fault? I set one crappy example for you, and you have no choice but to follow in my footsteps? [Rory turns and walks away.] Rory, what are you going to do now? Huh? Is there a plan?
RORY: I don't want to talk about it anymore.
LORELAI: I just want what's best for you, that's all!
RORY: I don't want to talk about it!
LOREALI: I just don't want you to get hurt, Rory. What if he doesn't leave her? Now you're all emotionally involved.
RORY: You're just mad because I didn't come running to you to discuss whether or not I was ready for this step. I decided it on my own.
LOREALI: Well, obviously, you weren't ready for this step. The very fact that you chose another girl's guy to sleep with proves that!
RORY: He was my boyfriend first!
LOREALI: But you dumped him! You rejected him! You picked someone else!
RORY: Stop it! [walks away]
LORELAI: Rory!
RORY: I hate you for ruining this for me! [Walks out front door and pulls on sweater. Dials a number on her cell phone]
LINDSAY: [answering phone] Hello? Hello? Hello?
[Rory hangs up and sinks to her knees. Lorelai exits the front door and watches her daughter sobbing on the front lawn.] | Plan: A: Momentous changes; Q: What is in the air as the Dragonfly Inn approaches opening day? A: a shakedown weekend; Q: What does the Dragonfly Inn do to prepare for opening day? A: Rory; Q: Who lost her virginity to Dean? A: their relationship; Q: What do Rory and Dean take a major step forward in? A: Lorelai's dismay; Q: What reaction did Lorelai have to Rory and Dean's relationship? A: Lorelai; Q: Who is disappointed that Rory and Dean are dating? A: Richard; Q: Who does Emily admit to being separated from? A: Kirk; Q: Who decides to let Lulu in on his night terrors? A: his night terrors; Q: What secret does Kirk decide to let Lulu in on? A: Jason; Q: Who tries to convince Lorelai to date him? A: Lorelai's question; Q: Who did Luke answer about the status of their relationship? A: a married Dean; Q: Who did Rory lose her virginity to? A: 2009; Q: When did TV Guide rank this episode #75 on its list of the 100 Greatest Episodes? A: TV Guide; Q: What publication ranked this episode #75 on its list of the 100 Greatest Episodes? A: 4; Q: How many stars did TV Guide give to this episode? Summary: Momentous changes are in the air as: the Dragonfly Inn approaches opening day by having a shakedown weekend. Rory and Dean take a major step forward in their relationship, to Lorelai's dismay. Emily and Richard admit that they're separated. Kirk decides to let Lulu in on the deep, dark secret of his night terrors. Jason appears at the Inn to plead his case with Lorelai, to no avail. Luke answers Lorelai's question about the status of their relationship when he makes it passionately clear to Lorelai that they're dating, to which she enthusiastically agrees. However, as Lorelai returns home she finds that Rory had lost her virginity to a married Dean. In 2009, TV Guide ranked this episode #75 on its list of the 100 Greatest Episodes. [4] |
[Scene: The Dorm Hallways. Audrey is being chased through the halls by two guys with large water guns spraying her and getting her totally soaked.]
Audrey: Aah! Aah! Get away from me! Aah! Aah! Aah! Joey! Aah! Aah!
[She runs into their room and they run after her, spraying her and Joey]
Joey: [Laughing] The innocent bystander always gets it!
Audrey: Will you just stop and try to appreciate the end-of-the year, all-day rager that you're missing. Happening live, right here in your dorm.
Joey: Uh, hello. I'm participating.
Audrey: Oh, yeah, but come on. Who knew that the losers we live with could party so hard? I mean, some of those geeks out there are actually cute, Joey.
Joey: I know you're single with a vengeance right now, but I have way too much packing to do to meet the cute dorks next door. Dawson wants to leave for Capeside by 9:00.
Audrey: Hey, Joey...
Joey: No.
Audrey: No, what?
Joey: No. For the thousandth time, I'm not going to L.A. For the summer with you.
Audrey: Fine. Ok, then. I have a better idea. How about I come to Capeside with you?
Joey: Audrey...
Audrey: Come on. Just for a couple of days, Joey. God knows, I've heard enough about the twisted little place to go and visit.
Joey: Well, you'd have to change your flight.
Audrey: Piece of cake.
Joey: And that means party time is over. Now you have to be packed and stored by 9:00. And look at this mess.
Audrey: [Gasps] Thank you, thank you, thank you. Mmm!
[Knock on door]
Audrey: Ooh. Let's do it. Ready?
Joey: Ready.
[They open the door and throw water balloons out, but instead of the boys it is Professor Wilder, and they both hit him square in the chest]
Joey: Oh, my god.
Audrey: Oops.
Wilder: Hi, girls. How are you?
Audrey: Great. Thanks. Ok. I'm gonna go now. I'm gonna check on that flight to L.A. Bye.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Joey comes out of the bathroom, and hands Wilder a towel so that he can dry himself off.]
Joey: And then Audrey swung the door open, and I am so sorry again.
Wilder: That's ok, really. I'm pretty sure I won't melt.
Joey: So, to what do I owe this nice surprise?
Wilder: Well, they probably would have mailed this, but I wanted to give it to you myself.
[He reaches into his bag and pulls out a literary magazine.]
Joey: The Worthington literary review? I thought this hasn't come out yet.
Wilder: It hasn't. Turn to page 28.
[She opens to page 28, and sees The Kiss by Joey Potter]
Joey: But this is a story from the beginning of the year. How did... professor wilder, this is
Wilder: Nothing, if not well-deserved.
Joey: This is amazing. Thank you.
Wilder: Thank yourself, Joey potter. Any more chapters to that story?
Joey: Well, life twisted and turned unexpectedly. He went his way, I went mine. And now, if only the rules of writing applied to life. Right?
Wilder: Spoken like a published author.
[Professor Wilder grabs his bag to leave.]
Joey: So, do you have any big summer plans?
Wilder: Uh, actually, yes. To the horror of all literature, I've decided to try writing again.
Joey: Wow. Good for you.
Wilder: What about you? Are you embarking on the epic freshman summer adventure?
Joey: Well, if you can call going back to Capeside an adventure.
Wilder: Well, at least it's beautiful in the summer, right?
Joey: Yeah, um... it just feels like this year was such a great step forward, and... going back feels kind of like 2 steps back. [Chuckles] Not to mention...
Wilder: What?
Joey: Nothing, um... there's just something I gotta do.
Wilder: Well, I look forward to hearing about it in the fall.
Joey: You will. Um...thank you again.
Wilder: It's me who should say thanks. For more than you can possibly imagine.
[They Hug]
Wilder: Have fun. Congratulations.
Joey: Thank you.
[Scene: The Civilization. The staff is in the kitchen getting ready to start the day, when Alex comes into the room, shouting orders of what to do.]
Alex: Nope. Whenever you're ready. My time isn't valuable at all.
[Pacey comes into the kitchen]
Pacey: Morning, everybody.
Alex: You're late, and that's a bad start.
Pacey: I'm 4 minutes late. Do you think I'll be able to catch up? I mean, how much could I possibly have missed?
Alex: Tomorrow we are going to be closed from 1:00 to 4:00 to host a luncheon for our investors. Based on this event, the board will make a decision about whether or not we're going to be opening a second Civilization in Philadelphia. This meal must be perfect in every respect. Anything goes wrong-- I mean anything-- it's my ass, but it's your job. Do we understand each other? Great. Now the menu-- I want to start with fresh goose-liver pate.
Pacey: That's gonna be a bit of a problem.
Alex: Why is that?
Pacey: Because the geese necessary to make that particular pate flew south to the Bahamas for the winter about 6 months ago and won't be back till June. However, if you would like me to go down there and get them for you, I'd be more than happy to.
Alex: Ok. Um, what do you suggest?
Pacey: Me?
Alex: Mm-hmm.
Pacey: Well, I'm not the professional here, am I?
Alex: Good point.
Pacey: Of course, the blue fin tuna was looking especially choice at the fish market yesterday, so we could potentially start off with a nice spicy sashimi which would go a long way to complement the asparagus tip and arugula salad which just happens to be Trevor's masterpiece and is a wonderful prologue to the rack of lamb. Drizzled with a little plum sauce, maybe served over a bed of polenta. Finish off the whole night with lemon soufflé, maybe some homemade vanilla ice cream, and you're off to the races. Of course, that's just one idea. We could always go another way if you'd prefer.
Alex: Could I have a minute with you, please?
[Pacey and Alex go into her office.]
Alex: I want you to listen, and listen closely. If you're gonna behave like a toddler whenever you're around me and you're gonna insist on testing my limits, you'd better be prepared to reap the whirlwind, 'cause we will tangle ass and you will lose. And in the process, I will make your life so extraordinarily unpleasant that you will rue the day that god created woman. Now, that's just one idea. We could go another way if you'd prefer.
[Scene: The Film School. Dawson, Oliver and others are cleaning out their lockers, when Dawson's phone rings and he answers it.]
Dawson: Hello? Hey, Mr. Waller. Ok, Andrew. I'm good. I'm good. How are you? Uh-huh. This summer? No plans. Why? You're kidding me?! Wow! Um...[] Oliver's summer plans? I don't know. I will do that, and--absolutely. Yes, absolutely. Cool. Thank you.
[Oliver who was listening in has made his way over next to Dawson.]
Oliver: So?
Dawson: So what?
Oliver: What was that phone call about?
Dawson: You mean the private conversation you were just eavesdropping on?
Oliver: Well, I heard my name.
Dawson: I thought we weren't talking.
Oliver: We're not.
Dawson: Right. 'Cause why would I want to talk to you after what you pulled in New York?
Oliver: 'Cause I've 'cause I've got manly magnetism. My wit? My enormous talent? Come on. Tell me! What did our agent say?
Dawson: "Our agent"? You mean the one I stuck around to get after you were too stubborn to admit that you were rude and just left?
Oliver: Ok, you're right. I felt really bad the whole train ride home, so, I'm sorry. I don't know what it is with me. I just... can't handle that type of thing. I'm working on it.
Dawson: Hey. What are your summer plans?
Oliver: I was gonna work at Hookset video. Why?
Dawson: You might want to change those plans.
Oliver: Really?
[Scene: The Coffee House. Jack and Jen are sitting at one of the tables outside drinking coffee, and making plans]
Jen: Fiji? Fiji is skin cancer.
Jack: All right, fine. Backpacking through Europe.
Jen: That's rich. Have you ever actually been inside of a youth hostel?
Jack: No. Have you?
Jen: No, but I can imagine. A bathroom so disgusting you're afraid to venture into the stall, mattresses so lumpy it's like sleeping on a model of the Himalayas. There's nowhere to do laundry. There's no privacy. It's hell.
Jack: Then how about Cleveland, ok? I hear they have a real nice Radisson.
Jen: Explain to me one more time why it's necessary to have some exotic adventure this summer.
Jack: You know why. You know that grams has a more exciting life at 76 than we do at 19. You know that--that if we were supposed to move forward this year, it's a complete wash for the both of us, and you know we're way too young to be getting lazy about our lives.
Jen: I know. I know. I know. It's just I always hated summer camp, and this sounds suspiciously like summer camp, only for longer, and it's much farther away. Well, if I have to do this thing, you know there's nobody on earth I'd rather do it with than you.
Jack: Oh, right back at you, freak.
Jen: Tell me more about this Cleveland.
Jack: Oh, yeah, well, I think I have a brochure here-- here it is right here. Cleveland.
[Scene: The School Dorms. Joey is carrying a box out of the room, when Audrey comes up to her, dragging her feet some.]
Audrey: Oh, please tell me this is the last one.
Joey: No, there's one more, but I'll get it.
Audrey: Oh, ok. Next year, if you see me buy anything at all, I want you to tackle me, knock me out, and shred my credit cards.
[Joey goes back into the room, and sadly looks around remembering everything that has gone on here, and then makes one last look around, before grabbing the last box and leaving]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Civilization Kitchen. The staff is busily preparing the food, when Alex comes storming into the kitchen.]
Alex: People, if you move any slower we're gonna travel back in time. My guests arrive inside of an hour, and you've already put me behind schedule.
Trevor: I think we're gonna be fine, miss pearl. [She gives him a dirty look] Well, I mean, you know, if nothing goes wrong or anything, I--I don't see why we shouldn't be, you know, fine.
Alex: You simple, simple little man. What kind of an imbecile do you have to be where you imagine that by placating me it's gonna make me hate you any less? You've got to be kidding me.
[Alex goes over to the silverware, and picks one up and looks disgustingly at it.]
Maria: Is there something wrong, miss pearl?
Alex: Yes, Marie, there is something wrong. There is something very, very wrong. It appears that there is a substance that's been sprayed all over the silverware. Marie, do you have allergies?
Maria: I don't think so. Maybe. I don't know.
Alex: Well, I suggest that you make an appointment with an allergist as soon as you've got some time, which should be remarkably soon, considering that you are fired, effective immediately, following the luncheon.
Maria: Miss pearl, you can't. Sorry, I really need this job.
Alex: And I really need my investors not to puke when they pick up their silverware.
[Pacey comes over to intervene]
Pacey: Can I talk to you for a second? You can't fire Marie.
Alex: Can't I?
Pacey: No, you can't, because the woman is raising her 4-year-old child all by herself on account of the fact that the father walked out on her, and she is working 3 jobs just to pay her rent. You can't fire her, Alex. It would be irredeemable.
Alex: I'm sorry, Maria. I really am. And I sincerely hope that you find employment elsewhere. Best of luck.
[Scene: Dawson's Back Yard. He is sanding the bottom of the boat in the shed, when Joey and Audrey come walking up to him.]
Dawson: Hey!
Audrey: Hola, casa de Dawson. This place is gorgeous.
Dawson: Thank you. Welcome.
Audrey: So...where is it? The room... the scene for so many long nights of teen romance and angst.
Dawson: Upstairs, last door on the left. Can't miss it.
Audrey: Damn right I can't miss it.
[Audrey goes off into the house]
Dawson: So guess what.
Joey: Can I ask you a favor?
Dawson: You first.
Joey: You think you could hang out with Audrey for a little bit?
Dawson: Sure. What's up?
Joey: Nothing. Everything's fine. I've decided to go see my dad. I've been thinking about it, and... ever since the night I got mugged there's just been a lot I felt like telling him and asking him stuff.
Dawson: You want me to go with you?
Joey: No, I... I think this one I should do alone. Just feels right that way.
Dawson: Ok.
Joey: Thank you.
Dawson: No problem.
Joey: Bye.
Dawson: Good luck.
Joey: Thanks.
[Scene: Gram's Kitchen. Grams is sitting at the counter drinking some coffee, when Jen and Jack come in and grab some cookies out of the cabinet]
Jen: Yes, the rumors are true. The unthinkable has happened. The sky must, indeed, be falling.
Jack: We finally did it.
Grams: Did what, exactly?
Jen: Oh, nothing, we've just been at the library.
Jack: For the past 4 hours.
Jen: Working on the internet
Jack: Planning a certain trip
Jen: Exhaustively planning a certain trip
Jack: For the summer
Jen: For 2 whole months.
Jack: To the exotic
Jen: Beautiful
Jack: Enchanting
Jen: Mysterious
Jack: Exciting
Jen: Did I already say "exotic"?
Jack: No, I did.
Jen: Right.
Grams: Where?
Jack: Costa Rica.
Grams: You're kidding?!
Jen: No. No, we're not.
Jack: Jen figured if you're gonna do something like this, if you're gonna have an adventure, you might as well go for broke and really have an adventure.
Jen: Just like Indiana Jones.
Jack: Yeah, or, uh, Jeff Probst.
Grams: I'm speechless.
Jen: And you know what? It may be a huge mistake. It may turn out to be absolutely horrible, and we leave after a week. But so what? Because from this point on no matter what happens for the rest of our lives, whenever Costa Rica comes up in casual conversation, we'll be able to say, good ol' Costa. I spent some time there.
Jack: Yeah, because Costa Rica comes up a lot in casual conversation.
Jen: Hey, don't kill my buzz.
Grams: I'm afraid your buzz may be doomed already.
Jen: Porque?
Grams: I just got off the phone with Helen and Theodore.
Jack: Hmm?
Jen: Parents. What? What did they say?
Grams: It seems they've purchased a house in east Hampton. It's on the beach where you spent summers when you were growing up.
Jen: And?
Grams: They would really like you to spend the summer... with them.
Jen: Well, guess the sky is falling.
[Scene: The Civilization. Alex is sitting at a large table with the rest of the board members, getting prepared to eat the meal.]
Alex: And without further ado, let's bring out the first course, a spicy Toro sashimi-- one of my personal favorites. I think you'll really enjoy it.
[Snaps fingers but no one comes out, then she claps her hands with no effect at all either]
Alex: Could you excuse me for one minute? Thank you.
[She goes into the kitchen to see no food and everyone standing around]
Alex: What in the hell is going on in here?!
Trevor: Huh?
Alex: "Huh"?! Where is all the food?!
Trevor: Pacey--he took the food to a homeless shelter on the other side of town.
Alex: Oh, my god. When did-- oh, my god!
[Pacey comes into the restaurant carrying a bunch of pizzas]
Pacey: Ooh! Sorry for the delay, folks. But we're all right.
Alex: You slimy little cockroach.
Pacey: Hard to believe she graduated first from her class in charm school, right?
Mr Devaney: What is going on here?
Pacey: You, sir, are witnessing a coup d'etat.
[Pacey reaches into his pocket and pulls out a note, and begins to read from it]
Pacey: [Clears throat] "It is my unfortunate duty as duly designated representative "of the staff of Civilization "to inform you that in hiring miss Alexandra Pearl "as the manager of this restaurant, "you have made a grievous error in judgment. "In her short time here she has demonstrated "not only complete incompetence, but an--"
Alex: Stop it right now. Stop.
Pacey: Oh, I'm not finished yet. "Not only complete incompetence, "but an utter disrespect for all of her employees. "She's manipulative, vindictive, and cruel, "and she has created an environment so hostile and unpleasant "that we feel it is impossible for us to serve today's meal at a level representative of our abilities."
Mr Devaney: So...no lunch?
Pacey: On the contrary. I brought enough pizza for everybody.
[Pacey begins passing out the pizzas]
Alex: Mr. Devaney, everyone, Pacey Witter is a deeply disturbed and highly delusional young man who has become increasingly obsessed with me.
Pacey: That is a good move. Very clever.
Alex: It's ok, Pacey. This is clearly the result of some sort of a breakdown. Now, I can assure you that all of his statements are nothing more than the ramblings of a lunatic and in no way are indicative of the feelings of my otherwise amazing staff.
[The entire staff has worked their way out into the dining area, and are watching on, when one of the cooks speaks up]
Trevor: Actually, they are indicative of the feelings of the rest of the staff-- really indicative. Cotely indicative.
Alex: Pacey, you're fired!
Pacey: Yeah. Reap the whirlwind, babe.
[Scene: The Jail Front Gate. Joey is walking up to the guard station with a nervous look on her face.]
Joey: Hi. It's still visiting hours, right?
Guard: Who are you looking for?
Joey: Potter--mike potter.
Guard: Sorry, miss. That inmate was released 4 months ago.
Joey: What?
Guard: Paroled for good behavior.
Joey: Well, how can that be? I mean, I'm family. How come we weren't informed?
Guard: It's the inmate's choice to notify the family.
Joey: Is there a parole officer we can contact?
[He simply nods no.]
Joey: So that's just it? He's gone and we have no way of knowing if he's ok? I'm his--he's my dad.
Guard: Look...I know your dad. He seems like a decent guy. I heard he was making a living at the five & dime down in Centerville.
Joey: Thanks.
Guard: If anyone asks, you didn't hear it from me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Capeside. Dawson and Audrey are walking along the streets of Capeside, as Dawson gives her a tour of the town.]
Dawson: I guess we were about 13 years old. We just got out of some crappy movie at the rialto, and Pacey spots Christy Livingston hanging out by the fountain with her friends. Now, Christy's about 3 years older than we are. He puts his hand on my shoulder, and he says, "Dawson, I'm gonna kiss that girl. "One day we're gonna be standing in the pouring rain, and I'm gonna kiss her, and nothing's ever gonna be the same again."
Audrey: Well, did he kiss her in the rain?
Dawson: Nope. Never even got close. To my knowledge, didn't kiss her in any kind of weather. But he tried. At the expense of dignity, at the expense of reputation and self-respect, he tried.
Audrey: Why are you telling me this?
Dawson: Far be it for me to comment on what qualifies as pathetic, but I don't think you have to let go of your silly romantic fantasies, because I'd be willing to bet he hasn't let go of his.
Audrey: That's just great. Fantastic. Now I'm never gonna move on.
Dawson: So, uh, interesting before about you wish you could be here and I wish I could be in L.A.
Audrey: Grass is always greener.
Dawson: I think I'm going to L.A.
Audrey: What?
Dawson: I didn't want to say anything, because it just happened, but what the hell? This producer wants to work with Oliver and me on our movie to develop it into something more. I don't know what that means, but
Audrey: Ok, wait. Do you realize that this is the best news ever?! Let's just put aside for a second how totally awesome it is that this producer wants to work with you guys and focus on it entirely in terms of me! I'm not gonna have to be alone out there. I'm not gonna have to hang out with the people I went to high school with. I'm saved! Thank you!
Dawson: We might need a place to crash for a little while.
Audrey: Are you kidding? You're staying with me, obviously. Period. No question about it. I can't believe you didn't tell me this before. Did you tell Joey?
[Scene: Grams' Living room. Jen goes over to the radio and turns up the song Baba O'Riley by the Who, which is playing. She kicks off her shoes and climbs up on the chair and begins dancing while singing along to the song.]
Jen: [Singing] Out here in the fields I fight for my meals I get my back into my living I don't need to fight to prove I'm right I don't need to be forgiven yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[Jack comes in to see her, and looks weirdly at her before lowering the volume with the remote. Jen is startled by this.]
Jen: What the hell are you doing?
Jack: Well, I could ask you that same question.
Jen: Good point. Um... just that whenever the subject of my parents comes up, I seem to have this really annoying habit of falling apart.
Jack: I know.
Jen: And I'm just trying not to do that, and it's hard.
Jack: All right, I'm gonna go to the library, hop back on the net, and see if I can't cancel those cheap flights we got into San Jose. 'Cause I think if we do it today, we could probably get a full refund, so just... cross your fingers.
Jen: No. Wait. Stop. Don't.
Jack: Excuse me?
Jen: Don't cancel our trip.
Jack: Jen, you're gonna spend the whole summer with your parents. I'm not gonna go to Costa Rica by myself. Are you nuts?
Jen: No, I mean, I don't even know if I want to spend the whole summer with my parents. Maybe I'd rather spend it with you.
Jack: Look, we got time. All right, we got all the time in the world. We will have our adventures. I promise you. But this phone call has been 5 years coming. I mean, you gotta see it through, don't you?
Jen: I mean, why does my life have to stop and start at their convenience? I just feel like I'm doing really well right now... sort of. And if I dive back into that whole mess, I don't know what's gonna happen. I just want more time to think about it.
Jack: Well, how much more?
Jen: Well, maybe if you would let me go back to what I was doing before you interrupted me, I could figure that out.
Jack: Yeah. Sure. You--you figure away.
[He turns the volume back up, and lets her get back to her singing and dancing]
Jack: It's all you.
Jen: [Singing] Teenage wasteland it's only teenage wasteland teenage wasteland, oh, yeah teenage wasteland they're all wasted
[Scene: Outside the Civilzation. Alex comes out of the restaurant to find Pacey standing next to his car waiting.]
Alex: I feel like the "reap the whirlwind" line was a pretty clever button on our relationship. Surprised you want to step on it.
Pacey: I'm not here to gloat, if that's what you're thinking.
Alex: No?
Pacey: Never mind.
Alex: Wait. Why'd you come back?
Pacey: I came back because sometimes I let things go, and I just end wondering about them. And it occurred to me that if I let this go, I will probably end up wondering about it for the rest of my life.
Alex: What do you want to know?
Pacey: I want to know what happened to you, Alex. 'Cause I gotta believe people aren't born mean.
Alex: Are you gonna save me, Pacey?
Pacey: No. I'm just curious.
Alex: You know, I have to believe that in the end... people get exactly what they ask for. You proved that today.
Pacey: I guess so.
Alex: I'll see you around.
Pacey: I'll see ya.
[He gets into his car, but his engine won't start. He tries again, but still no luck. He tries again with no luck, and Alex stops next to him, and rolls down her window.]
Alex: You need a lift?
Pacey: Ha ha. No, thanks. I think I'll wait for the prison transfer bus and catch a ride with them.
Alex: Pacey, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna walk? I know you don't have a cell phone. Come on. I'll give you a ride to your apartment. Get in. Come on, get in.
Pacey: Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok.
[Scene: The Potter B&B. Joey is in the kitchen with Bessie talking about the trip. Audrey is standing outside the kitchen listening]
Joey: It's just weird, you know. He's been out 4 months, and we haven't heard from him.
Bessie: He probably has his reasons.
Joey: You mean like he doesn't want to see us.
Bessie: No. He's probably trying to rebuild his life, and he's not too good at that.
Joey: But Bessie, we're supposed to be the ones to help him through this. We're family.
Bessie: Exactly why you shouldn't be so quick to judge. Just give him time.
[Audrey and Joey go over and sit at the table]
Audrey: Joey, you know your sister's probably right. Your dad's just probably afraid of hurting you guys.
Joey: What if he hates me, Audrey? I mean, if somebody sent me to jail, I wouldn't exactly rush back to see them either.
Audrey: Joey, will you listen to yourself? Your dad does not hate you. If anything, he's ashamed to face you.
Joey: I know, but it was just hard enough to find the courage to go in the first place, and now this.
Audrey: I know. But after what happened last time, your dad knows. I mean, it's your call whether or not you want him back in your life, you know?
Joey: I'm glad you're here, Audrey. I'm sorry for dropping you for the day.
Audrey: Ah, it's no biggie.
Joey: Did you have fun with Dawson?
Audrey: The best. That boy is a gem.
Joey: [Laughs] Oh, yeah?
Audrey: You know he would do anything for you, Joey.
Joey: Yeah. He's pretty cool that way. The last time I went to visit my dad in jail, he came with me. It was like... he knew I wanted him to be there without me having to ask. That was a long time ago.
Audrey: Right! Like anything has changed. He drove all the way from New York to Florida just to see you like 3 weeks ago, for god sakes.
Joey: He did? What are you talking about?
Audrey: Ugh! Can my mouth get any bigger?
[Scene: Alex's Porsche. Alex is driving along, while Pacey sits uncomfortably in the passenger seat. The roads are wet after a recent rain]
Pacey: So what's next for you now? What are you gonna do?
Alex: Hmm. What's next? That's a good question. Probably wake up in the morning, look for a new job. Of course, not in food service, because quotes like "complete incompetence" tend to follow you around the business. I could probably get a job as a fry girl as your local drive-through.
Pacey: I'm not gonna feel sorry for you, Alex.
Alex: Then after 10 years of sampling onion ring batter, I will become 400 pounds overweight and not be able to fit through the front door of my one-room hovel. I'll be fired and evicted and need to be removed by way of an enormous crane positioned outside my window.
[She begins to speed up, and he notices that they are doing close to 80MPH.]
Pacey: Why don't you slow down a little bit, huh?
Alex: Then I'll be a big, fat homeless woman.
Pacey: Slow down. I'm serious.
[She continues to speed up]
Alex: With cats. Lots of cats. They'll live everywhere on me, and they'll be in my hair, and I'll just lay around on the sidewalk wondering about Oliver north and the iran contra hearings.
Pacey: I'm serious. You're driving really fast now, ok
[She come up to a slower car, and passes him, just barely missing a car coming in the opposite direction]
[Horn blowing]
Alex: But, you know... maybe I'm just being fatalistic. Maybe it could go another way. All I do know is at this point my life as I know it is over.
Pacey: Your life is not over.
Alex: No, no, no, you know what? It is. It's over. Believe me. I can feel it. I feel liberated and terrified and...ha. Actually, I've never felt more alive in my whole life.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Alex's Porsche. Alex is still speeding. Pacey has made sure his seatbelt is good and tight, and is starting to really get nervous]
Pacey: This isn't funny anymore, Alex. This isn't cute.
Alex: I'm reminded of what my uncle mort used to say. You'll never know what you're capable of until you're ready to push the limits. Take this car, for example. Can it make a sharp turn at 70 miles an hour? I haven't got the foggiest idea. But there's one way to find out-- shall we?
[She skids the car around a corner]
Pacey: Alex! Ok, now I'm begging you, please, please.
Alex: Ha ha ha! Come on, Pacey! I'm a little disappointed in you. I really thought you were untouchable. I thought you were shock-proof.
Pacey: You thought I was shock-proof?
Alex: Mm-hmm.
[She continues to speed up]
Pacey: Well, maybe you're right. I mean... why am I getting so upset? I just got fired. I lost my girlfriend. I have no place to live. Maybe you're on to something here, 'cause if you think about it, my life is actually over, too. So why don't we do this? Let's actually go ahead and push this as far as we can, see how far we're willing to go, because 80 miles an hour, really, what's that? 80 miles an hour-- that's what my grandmother drives on her way home from the gynecologist. I want you to drive this car like you know where you're going. I mean, really drive it like you got someplace to go, like you know where you're going. There's something about a fast car and beautiful women that does it for me in all kinds of ways. Would you mind if I kissed your neck? I've just got this impulse to go over there and kiss your neck. Perhaps you'd like me to kiss some other part of your body-
[He climbs over and begins kissing her neck disturbing her view, and she swerve just in time to miss a car pulling out of a drive way]
Alex: Stop!
[Horn honks]
[She slams on the breaks, and the car stars spinning out of control before finally coming to a stop. Pacey gets out of the car, and goes over to Alex's door and opens it for her and they go and sit on the curb.]
[Scene: Dawson's Bedroom. Dawson is sitting on his bed, watching a movie, when Joey comes up to his room.]
Dawson: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Dawson: How's it going? How'd it go with your dad?
Joey: Uh...still trying to figure that out, actually. It seems he got paroled about 4 months ago and decided not to tell us.
Dawson: Wow. That's a shock. It's understandable, though, when you think about it.
Joey: What do you mean?
Dawson: The last time he got out, he came back into your life, he turned everything into a complete disaster. If he loves you, which he does, then it's understandable that he wouldn't wanna... repeat that again.
Joey: You're right. It's just... sad.
Dawson: Yeah, it is.
Joey: But, um... could we talk about something else?
Dawson: Sure.
Joey: Um...
Dawson: Sure. What do you wanna talk about?
Joey: Audrey sort of... indicated that you had something to tell me.
Dawson: Yeah. It's kinda weird, 'cause it's a really good thing. I want you to be as excited about it as I am, but I'm not sure that right now's the best time.
Joey: No, no. Now's fine. I wanna hear it. I... tell me.
Dawson: Here goes. This producer... this really big producer saw our movie, and he liked it. He loved it, actually, and he wants to fly Oliver and me out to L.A. This summer to work with him, and he wants to be our mentor... you know, help us get our foot in the door. That's what my agent said. It could be a colossal waste of time, but I don't think so. For the first time, I think this is... the beginning of everything I ever wanted.
[She realizes that he wasn't going to talk about the trip to Florida]
Joey: Wow, I--I don't know what to say. I had no idea.
Dawson: I thought you said Audrey
Joey: No, god, um-- I'm so happy for you! I mean, I--I can't really even maintain a complete thought. Happy isn't the right word. I'm overwhelmed.
Dawson: [Chuckling] I wanted to tell you like the moment it happened. I mean, you know... you're the person I wanted to share this with more than anyone in the world.
Joey: Pressure. I'M...gonna say the wrong thing.
Dawson: No, you're not. You've already said all the right things.
[Scene: The curb. Alex and Pacey are still sitting there slightly in shock not talking and staring off into nothingness]
Alex: Well, clearly... I've got problems.
Pacey: [Laughs] Yeah, we've all got our problems.
Alex: Yeah, but... I could have killed whoever was in that car. I mean, in an instant... my whole life could have been changed forever.
Pacey: But it didn't.
Alex: You saved my life.
Pacey: So what's it worth to ya, Alex?
Alex: I'm not capable of answering your question because...I honestly don't know why I am the way I am. I mean, do you know why you're so good?
Pacey: The only thing I know, Alex, is that... you can't go through your entire life feeling sorry for yourself. No matter what's happened to you.
Alex: I believe that.
Pacey: And also that it's never too late.
Alex: For what?
Pacey: To try and... make things right.
Alex: You know what the saddest part is?
Pacey: Yeah. You totally messed up your Porsche.
Alex: Ha ha ha. Naw, it's a rental.
Pacey: So what's the saddest thing?
Alex: I really do like you.
Pacey: Ha.
[He gives her a hug.]
[Scene: Grams' house. Jen is in the kitchen talking on the phone.]
Jen: Oh. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I do. Ok. I will. I'll talk to you later. Good-bye.
[She goes into the living room where Jack is sitting alone, waiting to hear what she has to say.]
Jen: You know those moments when you totally don't wanna cry, but... you're not quite sure what else to do?
Jack: What happened?
Jen: [Sighs] I talked to them.
Jack: What'd you say?
Jen: I said... that I appreciated their invitation this summer, but that I had already made other plans.
Jack: What'd they say?
Jen: They asked me to reconsider, and I said no, and, uh... they sort of sounded relieved. Did I do the right thing?
Jack: Look, I love you very much, but... I can't tell you that I believe you did the right thing because...I'd be lying. I won't do that.
Jen: Well, then, don't.
[Grams joins them]
Grams: What'd I miss?
Jack: Well...she's not going with her parents. She wants to go to Costa Rica.
Jen: And Jack doesn't think that I'm doing the right thing.
Jack: What do you think?
Grams: Oh, well... I couldn't say. I... your parents have not been very generous with you. In fact, they've been cheap. I don't think this invitation absolves them of that.
Jack: Of course not, but I mean
Grams: I wasn't finished.
Jack: Sorry.
Grams: The relationship between Jennifer and her parents is much more complicated than you and I could even begin to imagine. It may well be unsalvageable. And while I admire your instincts, Jack, there's only one person in the entire world who truly knows what's worthwhile here and what's not. If your parents have truly found a way to love you, this won't be their last opportunity to prove it.
[They all hug]
[Scene: The Capeside Cemetery. Dawson comes walking through it and stops in front of his father's tombstone. HE sits down on the ground in front of it.]
Dawson: How's it goin'? I have to tell ya, I've been busy, which is good, I think. Speaking of which, I lost my virginity. It was Jen. Believe that? After all that, it was Jen. I made a movie with a strange guy I met up at that film festival in Hookset. And, uh... we got an agent. And now there's this guy in Hollywood who wants us to fly out there and work with him all summer. So I'll finally get to use that plane ticket that you bought me. I guess there's... some symmetry to that. The real thing I wanna talk to you about is, uh... Joey Potter. I mean, is it still ok after everything that's happened to believe that something perfect is possible? I want to be with her. I love her. Ok. [Sniffs] I'll talk to you later. Don't go anywhere.
[Scene: The Five and Dime. Joey pulls up to a parking spot in the family pickup. She stays in the car for a minute trying to get her courage up, and then slowly gets out of the truck, and stops and stares at the front of the building. She eventually reaches into the pickup and grabs the literary magazine and heads for the front door, before the camera fades to black.] | Plan: A: Pacey; Q: Who leads a revolt against Alex at Civilization? A: Joey; Q: Who decides to see her father for the first time since his latest incarceration? A: Capeside; Q: Where do Dawson, Joey, and Audrey return to? A: their pasts; Q: What does Audrey wonder about when she sees Dawson, Joey, and Audrey? A: a visit; Q: What does Dawson finally pay to his father's grave? A: the summer; Q: What do Jack and Jen wonder how they'll spend? Summary: Pacey leads a revolt against Alex at Civilization. Dawson, Joey, and Audrey return to Capeside, leaving Audrey to wonder about their pasts. Joey decides to see her father for the first time since his latest incarceration, while Dawson finally pays a visit to his father's grave. Jack and Jen wonder how they'll spend the summer. |
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
VOICE: (CREEPY ECHO F/X) Jes-si-ca! Jessica! Over here. Over here!
(CREEPY VOICE CONTINUES)
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/BLANKET TEARS FROM THE BED)
(JESSICA SCREAMS)
(MUSIC OUT)
(THEME MUSIC UP OVER OPENING TITLE/ SCENES/ CREDITS AND OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
"CONSPIRACY THEORY"(TONY DOES SIT-UPS B.G.)
TONY: Thirteen, fifteen, seventeen... nineteen...
KATE: Did you lose something down there, DiNozzo?
TONY: Ninety nine, a hundred. Just doing my morning exercise.
KATE: Right. So how old's this one?
TONY: Why does it always have to be another woman, Kate?
KATE: Uh, because we're talking about you?
MCGEE: Got your favorite here. Bacon-sausage-cheese breakfast burrito.
TONY: I'll pass. Too much fat.
MCGEE: She must be really young.
ABBY: Oh, she is.
TONY: I don't think they need to know about her, Abs.
ABBY: She's five ten, black hair, long legs, and gi-normous headlights.
TONY: That last part was really necessary?
ABBY: That is what you called them. She broke down by the Navy Yard last night, and Tony helped her out.
KATE: Oh, I bet he did.
ABBY: She's a junior at Georgetown.
KATE: Hmm. So that would make her what, about twenty?
MCGEE: Actually, she could be younger. I was eighteen when I was a junior at MIT.
TONY: When we need clarification, we'll ask for it, Probie. Thank you.
KATE: Oh, I'm asking. How old, Abby?
ABBY: Well, she was old enough to turn Tony down. Said she only goes out with guys in their twenties.
KATE: Oh, poor baby.
TONY: She wasn't my type anyway.
KATE: Well, that's a good thing because I think it's time that the "s*x Machine" hung his spurs up.
(SFX: DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
TONY: How do you know about that?
KATE: Your college nickname? Let's just say that dating your fat brother has its advantages.
GIBBS: Grab your gear. We're going to Georgetown. Petty Officer was assaulted in her home last night. You're driving... s*x Machine.
(SFX: E-MAIL BEEP TONE)
TONY: Kate, I'd check your email before we go. It's kind of important.
(KATE OPENS HER E-MAIL)
KATE: Where did you get this??
TONY: Wet T-shirt Wall of Fame, Spring Break Ninety-four. Saw it when I was in Panama City last month.
KATE: Oh, my god.
TONY: I was going to keep it to myself, then you decided to tell everyone my pledge name.
KATE: You wouldn't dare.
TONY: Oh!(SFX: E-MAIL BEEP TONE)
KATE: Tony! Tony, come on. We can work this out.(DOORS SLIDE SHUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. JESSICA'S HOUSE - DAY
TAYLOR: Name's Petty Officer Jessica Smith. Claims intruder in military fatigues entered her home and tried to attack her.
GIBBS: What do you mean, tried?
TAYLOR: At this point? I'm not even sure there was an attacker.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
(DOOR OPENS)
SMITH: Who are you?
GIBBS: Special Agents Gibbs and Todd, NCIS.
SMITH: (WHISPERS) We have to talk, but not here. They're listening.
KATE: Who's listening, Petty Officer?
SMITH: I wish I knew.
GIBBS: Turn the radio on. There. They can't hear us now. Tell me about last night.(RADIO PLAYS B.G.)
SMITH: How ... how do I know I can trust you?
GIBBS: Because we're here to help.
SMITH: I heard voices... whispering.
GIBBS: Saying what?
SMITH: I couldn't tell, but it was about me. You have to protect me.
GIBBS: From what?
SMITH: Monsters.(DOOR OPENS)
WITTEN: Jessica? It's going to be okay.
TONY: Boss, the Commander refused to wait outside.
WITTEN: Lieutenant Commander Allan Witten. I'm Petty Officer Smith's psychologist.
GIBBS: Outside. Now.
WITTEN: Very well.
SMITH: (CRYING) I don't want to go back. I can't go back. Please don't make me go back.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
WITTEN: (V.O.) Jessica is under my care. When she missed her phone session this morning, I became concerned.
TONY: What's wrong with her?
WITTEN: She's been diagnosed with Brief Reactive Psychosis. We believe it's been triggered by the death of her fiancé in Iraq last month.
GIBBS: Yeah? Why isn't she in the hospital?
WITTEN: As her condition improved, we released her, treated her as an outpatient.
TONY: She told the cops there was a man in her bedroom in camouflage utilities and body armor.
WITTEN: Was she hearing voices and did he have a knife?
GIBBS: How do you know that, Commander?
WITTEN: It's a delusion, Agent Gibbs. She's had several just like it at Bethesda. I need to get her back. Gentlemen, I assure you, no crime has been committed here.
GIBBS: Why don't you let me decide that?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. TRUCK - PARKED
KATE: I'm very, very sorry for the s*x machine crack, Tony. It was insensitive and rude. I swear it won't happen again.
TONY: Whatever.
KATE: Damn it. What are you going to do with it, DiNozzo?
TONY: I haven't decided yet. I thought it might make a nice poster.
MCGEE: What would?
KATE: I am warning you. It will be war. Hell on earth.
MCGEE: What are you guys talking about?
TONY: None of your business, Probie!
KATE: (IN UNISON) None of your business, McGee!
(DOOR OPENS)
GIBBS: The Petty Officer Smith say anything while I was talking to her shrink?
KATE: No, all she kept telling me was to call her C.O., and let him know that the monsters are after her again. From all appearances, I'd say she had a relapse.
GIBBS: Well, my first two marriages were based on appearances. Pull Petty Officer Smith's records when we get back.
(TRUCK DRIVES O.S.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY
KATE: Navy Achievement Medal winner. Sailor of the Quarter three times. She is an outstanding sailor, Gibbs.
TONY: Lot of overachievers and perfectionists lose it. My uncle ran a Fortune Five Hundred company until they found him digging up holes in a golf course looking for mole people. You're a perfectionist, aren't you, Kate?
MCGEE: Before her breakdown, she was working for the Department of Acquisitions at the Pentagon.
GIBBS: Who was her C.O.?
TONY: Captain Ross Vetter. There's an open case file on him, Boss.
GIBBS: Why don't I know about it?
TONY: It's not ours. It's the FBI's. They opened it about a month before Smith had her psychotic break.
GIBBS: What are they investigating Vetter for?
TONY: I can't tell - they're not letting NCIS access the contents of the file.
GIBBS: McGee!
MCGEE: You want the FBI's case file on Captain Vetter. On it!
GIBBS: Let's roll.
TONY: Where to?
GIBBS: To ask Petty Officer Smith some questions about monsters.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SEVEN WEST - DAY
REYNOLDS: Hi, I'm Catherine Reynolds. We've been expecting you. Welcome to Seven West. Commander Witten is on his way down here.
WILLIAM: I can tell you everything there is to know about this place.
REYNOLDS: They don't need to know anything, William.
WITTEN: All you have to do is ask me. Who's got the power? Who's cool? Who's got the baby oil?
REYNOLDS: That's enough, William. Go back to group. Oh, there's Commander Witten now.
GIBBS: Kate, you're with me.
TONY: Uh... boss? What about me?
REYNOLDS: Conflict in the workplace?
TONY: You have no idea.
REYNOLDS: I have a theory that most of it results from unresolved sexual issues.
TONY: Really?
REYNOLDS: It certainly has been the case for me. I could use a drink. How about you?
MORGAN: Mrs. Reynolds. Did you get that shirt out of the laundry room? You know the doctors warned you about this kind of behavior.
REYNOLDS: Yeah, well the doctor doesn't have an ass like this one. Sorry, I can't help myself sometimes.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
WITTEN: She's being sedated. She'll sleep through the night.
GIBBS: I want to talk to her when she wakes up.
WITTEN: Absolutely not. She's paranoid of authority figures.
GIBBS: From what I've seen, the only one she seems paranoid about is you.
WITTEN: She had a delusional episode. This has nothing to do with NCIS. You can check back in a few weeks.
GIBBS: We'll see you tomorrow.
WITTEN: I have a degree in clinical psychology. Do you have any expertise in the area, Agent Gibbs?
GIBBS: No. No, I do not. Just a B.S. meter. See you in the morning, Doc.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - NIGHT
MCGEE: The FBI is stonewalling us, boss. They claim that the Captain Vetter case is classified.
TONY: Last time I checked we had clearances, Probie.
MCGEE: Well, they're still not releasing the info, Tony, but I did call the Pentagon and I spoke with the Admiral in charge of his office. The FBI thinks that Captain Vetter was taking kickbacks in exchange for government contracts. He's on administrative leave, pending the outcome of the investigation..
GIBBS: They say anything about Petty Officer Jessica Smith?
MCGEE: Yes, she was questioned, but so was everybody else in Vetter's group.
KATE: Well, if she was found mentally ill, it would excuse her from testifying against her boss.
TONY: She didn't look like she was faking it to me.
KATE: Something tells me you say that a lot.
TONY: Kate, when they pour cold water over your chest, doesn't that sort of make you--
GIBBS: Hey, DiNozzo! If you do that again, I will put my boot so far up your ass. (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.
SMITH: (V.O./FILTERED) Agent Gibbs...(BEGIN TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
(SCENE CUT)
SMITH: (INTO PHONE) I should have told you before. We have to talk, Sir.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah. Yeah, I'm listening.
(SCENE CUT)
SMITH: (INTO PHONE) Not like this. They're listening.
(SCENE CUT)
SMITH: (V.O./FILTERED) You've got to help me.
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, all right. We're on our way.
(SCENE CUT)
SMITH: (INTO PHONE) Hurry, please!
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Jessica, stay on the phone with me.
(SCENE CUT)
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) You just keep talking to me, Jessica.
SMITH: (INTO PHONE) I can't. Just get here.(DOOR OPENS)
(END TELEPHONE INTERCUTS)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: Kate, come on. With me.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY
GIBBS: Jessica Smith's room?
MORGAN: Sir, I'm not authorized. Commander Witten told me under no-
(SFX: GIBBS HITS THE WINDOW WITH HIS FIST)
GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Open her door or I'll break it down!
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
(DOOR OPENS)
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: Find out who else she called. Check out her speed dial and phonebook.
MCGEE: On it.
DUCKY: She should have been observed twenty four hours a day, Jethro. A young, troubled girl like this being left alone all night is negligent at best!
WITTEN: My god! Did she leave a note?
GIBBS: No. If she did, what would she have written?
WITTEN: I don't know.
(WITTEN WALKS INTO THE HALLWAY)
DUCKY: He was the one responsible for the Petty Officer?
GIBBS: Easy, Duck.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
DUCKY: Commander. How could you have allowed this young woman to be left alone all night?
WITTEN: There was a Corpsman on duty.
DUCKY: One Corpsman for an entire ward?
WITTEN: We had seven patients. None were considered suicide risks.
DUCKY: I'm sure their family will take great solace from that.
JIMMY: She's ready, Doctor Mallard.
DUCKY: Well, let's get her home, Mister Palmer.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
REYNOLDS: What's going on?
WILLIAM: Jessica killed herself. I heard them say it. She's deader than dead.
REYNOLDS: Is it true?
WITTEN: I'm afraid so, Catherine. Corpsman, can we get everyone in the day room, please?
MORGAN: Yes, Sir.(ALL TALK B.G.)
TONY: I take it you knew her well?
REYNOLDS: We spent a month together here. It's about a good chick bonding experience as any.
TONY: Ah, it must be difficult.
REYNOLDS: It's hard.
TONY: Yeah, I know.
REYNOLDS: Really, really hard, Agent Tony.
GIBBS: If you're not too busy, DiNozzo.
TONY: You're a shy little thing. Yeesh!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NURSES' STATION - NIGHT
MORGAN: I didn't hear anything, Sir.
GIBBS: Is this where you were most of the night?
MORGAN: Unless I was making my rounds.
KATE: When's the last time you checked on Petty Officer Smith?
MORGAN: Nineteen thirty, Ma'am. She was sedated and sleeping peacefully.
TONY: If she was sedated, how did she manage to call us?
KATE: And hang herself?
MORGAN: Ma'am, I've seen patients kill themselves by stuffing their noses and throats full of toilet paper. If they want to do it, they find a way.
GIBBS: Or they're helped. Who classified her a non-suicide risk?
MORGAN: Commander Witten, Sir.
GIBBS: All right, that's all for now.
MORGAN: Yes, Sir.
MCGEE: Boss, finished processing her room. Okay to tape it off now?
GIBBS: Yeah. Go ahead. Do it. I also want everything on Witten and every contact he's had with Petty Officer Smith.
MCGEE: Tonight?! (BEAT) Oh, I'll get right on it. What about doctor/patient confidentiality?
TONY: It doesn't exist in the military anymore, Probie. And sadly for some, it doesn't exist between NCIS teammates either.
KATE: You're wasting your time. It doesn't bother me anymore, Tony.
TONY: Probie, want to see something hot?
MCGEE: Sure.
KATE: What's it going to cost me?
TONY: I don't know. Do you still have that Catholic schoolgirl uniform?
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
FORNELL: Agent DiNozzo.
TONY: I thought you were dead, Fornell.
FORNELL: I got better.
TONY: Does Gibbs know you're sitting at his desk?
FORNELL: Just checking my e-mail. Don't think he'll mind.
TONY: (WHISPERS) How long has he been here?(SFX: ELEVATOR DINGS/DOORS SLIDE OPEN)
MCGEE: Since I got in.
KATE: Isn't he supposed to be dead?
TONY: Got better.
KATE: Does Gibbs know he's sitting at his desk?
TONY: No.
KATE: Oh, this is going to be...
TONY: Great!
GIBBS: Comfortable?
FORNELL: Not really. There's no lumbar support. And you should get a password to protect your computer.
GIBBS: That's what this is for. What do you want, Tobias?
FORNELL: I'm hurt! Can't an old friend just stop by and say hi?
GIBBS: Well, you are old. I'll give you that.
FORNELL: Our usual conference room?
GIBBS: Lead the way. (TO MCGEE) Hey, you make sure he didn't do any of that virus goat rope crap to my... my thing.
MCGEE: Goat rope?
TONY: Marine term, Probie.
KATE: He means half way between FUBAR and SNAFU.
MCGEE: Okay. What's a FUBAR?
TONY AND KATE: (IN UNISON) You are.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
GIBBS: Why is the FBI investigating a Navy Captain without informing us, Fornell?
FORNELL: I forgot. You always inform us when one of your cases strays into FBI jurisdiction.
GIBBS: I want to know about this case.
FORNELL: They're looking at a Captain Vetter for taking kickbacks.
GIBBS: You came all the way down here to tell me that?
FORNELL: That - and they want you to back off, Jethro.
(GIBBS CHUCKLES)
FORNELL: Believe me, I told them it was futile.
GIBBS: What does Petty Officer Jessica Smith have to do with this?
FORNELL: No idea. I'm just the messenger here.
GIBBS: Now why don't I believe that?
FORNELL: I'd say mostly because you're a b*st*rd. But it wouldn't do any good, would it? I'll see what I can find out for you. No promises.
GIBBS: Tobias, you owe me.
FORNELL: You're calling that in for a B-and-E on some Petty Officer's house?
GIBBS: She's dead!
FORNELL: How?
GIBBS: She killed herself last night. I want to know why.
FORNELL: I'll find out...under one condition.
GIBBS: Name it.
FORNELL: You don't do anything to jeopardize our investigation into Captain Vetter.
GIBBS: I wouldn't dream of it.
FORNELL: Why don't I believe that?
GIBBS: Mostly because I'm a b*st*rd.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: Hey, McGee!
MCGEE: Boss!
GIBBS: Get me the home address of Captain Ross Vetter. And get the sedan.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. CAPTAIN VETTER'S HOME - DAY
(DOOR BELL RINGS)
(DOOR OPENS)
VETTER: What do you want?
GIBBS: To hear your side of the story. Off the record.(DOOR CLOSES)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
VETTER: I'm being railroaded.
GIBBS: By who?
VETTER: The military industrial complex. I wouldn't play their game.
GIBBS: What kind of game is that, Captain?
VETTER: Do you know how defense contracts are decided in this country?
GIBBS: Usually by the lowest bidder.
VETTER: Every Senator, every Congressman, tries to grab a piece of the pie for their own people.
MCGEE: For their state?
VETTER: No, the people. The corporations that fund their campaigns. And then hire them after they get out of office, Agent McGee.
GIBBS: Do you think that's why the FBI is investigating you?
VETTER: I know it! I was trying to change that system and now I'm paying for it.
(VETTER KNOCKS HIS GLASS OVER)
VETTER: Damn it! Sweetheart? Audrey? We need some towels out here.
GIBBS: Kind of early for the single malt, isn't it, Skipper?
VETTER: You have no idea what the last couple of months have been like for me, for my family.
GIBBS: No, I don't. But you don't know what it's been like for Petty Officer Smith.
VETTER: I've been meaning to visit her.
GIBBS: A little late for that.
MCGEE: Jessica Smith killed herself last night, Captain.
VETTER: I knew she was having some issues when her fiancé died but... do you know why?
MCGEE: That's what we're hoping to find out.
AUDRY: When are you people going to leave us alone?
VETTER: It's all right, sweetheart. They're NCIS agents.
AUDRY: I don't care, Ross. I'm not answering anymore questions. I want them out of my home.
VETTER: I'm sorry to hear about Jessica. She was like a daughter to me. I should have been there for her.
GIBBS: She wanted us to pass a message on to you, Captain.
MCGEE: The monsters were after her again.
VETTER: The monsters? I don't understand.
GIBBS: We don't either... yet. If you think of anything that might help, call me.
VETTER: Of course.
GIBBS: Sorry to bother you, Ma'am. You have a beautiful home. When I was a Marine, I could have never afforded a place as nice as this.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. AUTOPSY ROOM - DAY
DUCKY: She was right, Jethro. Monsters were after her. Hanging leaves a telltale V mark on the neck here and here. And here as you can see, these marks are missing from her neck. Yes also, I found bruising and clotting on the inside of her nose and on the inside of her lips.
GIBBS: She was smothered.
DUCKY: Yes. Poor girl was dead long before the noose ever went anywhere near her neck. This was no suicide, Jethro. Our Petty Officer was murdered.
(MUSIC OUT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS GARAGE - DAY
KATE: (V.O.) Look familiar, s*x machine?
TONY: Now that you mention it... nope, it's a different style t-shirt. See?
KATE: I'm begging you, don't!
TONY: You gonna be nice?
KATE: Yes.
GIBBS: See what?
TONY: Nothing, Boss. I'm just admiring Abby's handiwork.
GIBBS: Why?
ABBY: Well, I was bored and I thought she needed a little personality.
GIBBS: Does she have a purpose, Abby?
ABBY: Several, in fact, according to her instruction manual.
GIBBS: For the case, Abs.
ABBY: Oh, right. Um... I think I know how Petty Officer Smith was strung up. According to her hospital chart, she was given fifteen milligrams of Trazodone when she arrived at Bethesda. That's enough to zonk her out for most of the day.
KATE: Then how did she make the phone call asking us for help?
ABBY: Well, it would have started to wear off. She would have been weak, sluggish. At least enough for this...
TONY: Except there were no signs of a struggle, Abby.
ABBY: Have you ever been on Trazodone, Tony? I mean, she couldn't have fought off a ten year old. But still there is a problem.
GIBBS: How'd they hang her afterwards?
ABBY: Correct as always, my silver-haired fox. I mean Gibbs-Sir-Boss. See what's missing?
TONY: Nothing to stand on.
ABBY: Exactly. How did the killer lift her body afterwards?
KATE: There were two of them?
ABBY: Possible. But there's a simpler way. The legs of the bed act as a fulcrum.
(SFX: BED CLANKS UPRIGHT)
ABBY: Making it easy for one person to lift Jessica's weight.
TONY: That would have made some noise.
KATE: Enough that you probably would have heard it at the nurses' station.
GIBBS: Manned by Corpsman Morgan. Have him report to NCIS tomorrow. Don't tell him why!
KATE: I saw that.
TONY: Saw what?
KATE: Nothing. I saw nothing.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BASEMENT - DAY
GIBBS: You want some of this? I've got a clean cup around here somewhere.
FORNELL: I'm not worried about your cups, Gibbs. How can you drink that rotgut?
GIBBS: Easy. It's got alcohol in it.
FORNELL: Mccallan Eighteen. Now there's a drink.
GIBBS: What'd you find out about the FBI investigation into Captain Vetter?
FORNELL: Officially not much.
GIBBS: Unofficially.
FORNELL: They weren't getting very far. So they decided to go for someone weaker in his office.
GIBBS: His personal assistant, Petty Officer Smith. Why shut NCIS out of it?
FORNELL: They worked her over pretty hard. Didn't think you'd go along with it. Threats, jail time. They forced her to wear a wire to work.
GIBBS: That woman just lost her fiancé in Iraq, Fornell.
FORNELL: Which only made her more vulnerable - easy to manipulate.
GIBBS: Man, you call me a b*st*rd.
FORNELL: It wasn't my case, Gibbs. I'm just here doing a favor. That said, they think she was hiding something.
GIBBS: What?
FORNELL: Unfortunately, she killed herself before they could find out.
GIBBS: Jessica Smith did not commit suicide. She was murdered.
FORNELL: By whom?
GIBBS: That's a hell of a question, Tobias. That's what you're going to help me find out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
TONY: Book-on-tape Club?
KATE: Jessica Smith's therapy sessions.
TONY: Anything interesting?
KATE: Not with her psychologist, Commander Witten. She's evasive, afraid to talk.
MCGEE: She's a little more outgoing in the group sessions, but not by much.
TONY: Is her friend Catherine Reynolds on those tapes, Probie?
MCGEE: Yes. Ms. Catherine Reynolds... she is the one that talks about s*x a lot. It gets kind of graphic.
TONY: Oh, okay. I'm going to need to listen to those and probably take them home...
KATE: Tony! What is wrong with you? (BEAT) Um... burn him a copy, McGee.
TONY: What I was going to say, if the Petty Officer was afraid to talk in public, she might be talking in private.
MCGEE: She may have opened up to some of her friends inside the ward? It's a good idea.
TONY: It's a well-known fact, Mister McGee, that women tell each other everything.
KATE: That would explain why none of my friends will go out with you.
TONY: I'm sorry. Say something?
KATE: Nothing.
MORGAN: Agent DiNozzo?
TONY: Yeah.
MORGAN: I was told to report to you this morning.
TONY: Not to me, Petty Officer. To him.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY
MORGAN: (FILTERED) Am I in trouble?
GIBBS: (FILTERED) Depends.
MORGAN: (FILTERED) On what, Sir?
GIBBS: (FILTERED) You told us you were at the front desk your entire watch.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
MORGAN: Except for when I was making rounds, Sir.
GIBBS: How long do the rounds take?
MORGAN: A few minutes.
GIBBS: A few minutes? Okay, I got that. Did you see anyone else come in or out of the exit of the ward that night?
MORGAN: No, Sir.
GIBBS: What about hearing anything unusual?
MORGAN: No, nothing... until you showed up, Sir.
GIBBS: Yep. We've got us a problem, Petty Officer.
MORGAN: Sir?
GIBBS: Jessica Smith was murdered last night.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY
MORGAN: (FILTERED) Murdered?
GIBBS: (FILTERED) And according to you... you're the only one that could have done it.
KATE: There's no way he did it. Look at his reaction.
TONY: Maybe he's just a good actor.
KATE: Nobody's that good.
TONY: I've been thinking, Kate, about the photo... I'm sorry. I mean, you know I'd never give it out, right? In fact, I'm going to delete it right now.
KATE: Really?
TONY: Mm-hmm.
KATE: Thank you, Tony. That would be a huge relief. What are you doing?!
TONY: Acting, Kate. It's not that hard.
MORGAN: (FILTERED) I... I lied, Sir.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: Yeah. Yeah, I kind of figured that out for myself, Petty Officer.
MORGAN: I screwed up, Sir. I really screwed up.
GIBBS: I kind of figured that one out, too.
MORGAN: I left my post for about forty minutes. I was... with someone.
GIBBS: Does this person have a name?
MORGAN: One of the... patients, Sir. Catherine Reynolds.
GIBBS: Doing what?
MORGAN: We've been having s*x for three months now.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS SQUAD ROOM - DAY
GIBBS: Tony, I want you to talk to Catherine Reynolds. See if she'll verify Morgan's alibi.
TONY: My pleasure.
GIBBS: Kate, you're with me. McGee! McGee!! What the hell are you doing?!
MCGEE: I'm listening to Petty Officer Smith's group therapy sessions. There are two people that she interacts with the most, Catherine Reynolds and Lynn Simons. They've got a lot in common: knitting, crossword puzzles, the TV show Quantum...
GIBBS: McGee!
MCGEE: But I think they may be friends.
GIBBS: Why does this matter?
MCGEE: Well, she may have confided in them, told them something that she didn't tell anybody else.
GIBBS: Good thinking, McGee.
TONY: I'm the one who came--
GIBBS: Tony! Go babysit our Corpsman in interrogation. McGee, you interview Reynolds and Simons.
TONY: Why didn't you tell him I had that idea?
MCGEE: Tony, a wise man once told me there's no "I" in team.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY
(DOORS SLIDE SHUT)
KATE: Where are we going?
GIBBS: Jessica Smith's house. I think she was telling the truth about someone being in her bedroom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. SMITH'S HOUSE - DAY
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS AND KATE WALK TO THE FRONT DOOR)
(SFX: GUNSHOTS)
GIBBS: (SHOUTS) Down! Are you okay?
KATE: Yeah.
GIBBS: Let's get this b*st*rd.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
(DOOR BURSTS OPEN)
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS AND KATE SEARCH THE HOUSE)
(DOOR OPENS)
(SFX: CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(SFX: GUNSHOT)
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
(SFX: TIRES SCREECH)
GIBBS: Did you get a plate?
KATE: No!
GIBBS: God damn it!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
KATE: What do you think they were looking for?
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/GIBBS AND KATE SEARCH THE VENTS)
KATE: I found something. Not quite sure what. Have any idea?
GIBBS: That's a radio receiver and broadcast speaker.
KATE: I guess Jessica Smith was hearing voices.
GIBBS: Yeah, and they weren't in her head.
(MUSIC OUT)
MUSIC IN:
INT. NCIS LAB - DAY
ABBY: So the parts are off the shelf, but the execution is very, very sophisticated. The receiver is actually the guts from a disposable cell phone. You dial the number and the device activates.
GIBBS: Like a terrorist bomb.
ABBY: Well yeah, but in this case, instead of an explosion we get this... (CREEPY VOICE ECHO) Jessica, Jessica, over here, over here.
GIBBS: Whoa.
ABBY: It's like the sound track to Friday the Thirteenth. You know, the movie? There are like eleven of them. Oh, Gibbs. You really need to get out of your basement more.
GIBBS: What were they about?
ABBY: Basically there's this guy that wears a hockey mask and he kills teenagers with a machete usually right after they had s*x.
GIBBS: Why?
ABBY: Well, he died at summer camp so his mother killed everyone there. But he was actually alive and he was living in the woods. But then he died and he went to hell. And then he was frozen and he went to outer space.... It's complicated.
GIBBS: You don't know, do you?
ABBY: Not a clue. I keep hoping they're going to explain in the next one.
GIBBS: You call me when you find something, Abby.
(GIBBS WALKS INTO THE OUTER LAB)
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.
ABBY: (V.O./FILTERED) Found something!
(GIBBS WALKS BACK TO THE LAB)
ABBY: See this?
GIBBS: Yes.
ABBY: I cut myself today installing a graphics card in my computer.
GIBBS: Okay? You want me to kiss it or something?
ABBY: That'd be really nice, but it's not my point. Most of the metal inside electronics is unfinished. I cut myself all the time on burs and rough edges.
GIBBS: Yeah, well you ought to try building a boat with hand tools after a couple shots of Jack.
ABBY: Anyway, my point is I was snooping around the circuit board, and I found... this. (BEAT) It's blood, Gibbs. Whoever assembled this cut themselves. We have their DNA.
GIBBS: That's great work, Abby. Feel better?
ABBY: Much.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BETHESDA DAY ROOM - DAY
WITTEN: Is there some reason why you people don't feel the need to call ahead? Or is it that you just enjoy arriving unannounced like this?
MCGEE: Depends on the situation, Commander.
WITTEN: Well, I have a ward to run here. I don't have time for this, Agent McGee.
MCGEE: I'm here to interview several of your patients. Catherine Reynolds and Petty Officer Lynn Simons.
WITTEN: Simons was discharged from the Navy three weeks ago. Catherine Reynolds is in her room and I do not want her disturbed. You should have called. I could have saved you the trip.
MCGEE: Commander, it wasn't a request.
WITTEN: Do you have any idea how upsetting your presence was the other night?
MCGEE: Some. Do you have any idea what's going on inside your own ward?
WITTEN: And what exactly is that supposed to mean?
MCGEE: Well, we can start with Corpsman Morgan having s*x with Mrs. Reynolds during the last three months.
WITTEN: That's impossible. I would have known.
MCGEE: Or we can end with Jessica Smith's murder. It's your call, Commander.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
WITTEN: (V.O.) Catherine, it's Commander Witten. Are you decent?
REYNOLDS: If I was, I wouldn't be in here, Doc. Go away!
WITTEN: (V.O.) You have a visitor. It's NCIS Special Agent McGee.
(DOOR OPENS)
REYNOLDS: Bummer, thought it was the cute one.
MCGEE: Well, I just need to ask you a few questions, Ms. Reynolds.
REYNOLDS: Okay, as long as I can ask you some back.
WITTEN: I'll just be down the hall.(DOOR CLOSES)
MCGEE: Uh... this is about Corpsman Timothy Morgan, Ma'am. Um... claims that he has been in a relationship with you and that on the night of Jessica Smith's death, he was...
REYNOLDS: With me, knocking boots. You take what you can get around here, Agent McGee. My turn. Are you a virgin?
MCGEE: No.
REYNOLDS: Are you sure?
MCGEE: The last time I checked. And that was two questions, Ms. Reynolds. What time were you with Morgan?
REYNOLDS: I think it was between seven and eight thirty.
MCGEE: And uh... were you close to Jessica Smith at all?
REYNOLDS: I really liked her. She didn't belong here. Ever been in love?
MCGEE: Love? Yeah, sometimes I think I might have been. Yeah.
REYNOLDS: Honesty. I like that. Very rare in men.
MCGEE: Did Jessica ever tell you anything about her problems?
REYNOLDS: Yes.
MCGEE: So what did she say?
REYNOLDS: She was having an affair with a married man.
MCGEE: She tell you his name?
REYNOLDS: Nope.
MCGEE: All right. Well, thank you, Mrs. Reynolds. You've been very helpful.
REYNOLDS: But she did tell Lynn Simons, who then told me. Boxers or tighty-whiteys?
MCGEE: Uh depends, I guess both.
REYNOLDS: What about right now?
MCGEE: Boxers.
REYNOLDS: He was her C.O. The b*st*rd never returned any of her phone calls in here. So she asked Lynn to deliver a message for her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: Petty Officer Lynn Simons. Avionics and electronics tech. She received a medical discharge three weeks ago. Jessica Smith asked her deliver a message to Captain Vetter. She loved him and promised to forgive him if he would just contact her.
KATE: Simons failed to report to her therapy session at the V.A. two weeks ago. No one's seen her since, Gibbs.
GIBBS: Find her. McGee, get Captain Vetter in here. If he refuses, put him in cuffs.
TONY: You might want to hear this, Boss. Vetter and Commander Witten both served on the USS Kennedy in ninety nine.
KATE: It's a big ship, Tony. Could be a coincidence.
GIBBS: Yeah, I don't believe in coincidences. (INTO PHONE) Hey, it's me. We need to talk.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY
MCGEE: So - what's the plan, good cop, bad cop?
KATE: More like bad cop, scary cop, McGee.
MCGEE: Which one's which?
KATE: I think you'll have to ask their ex-wives that one.
VETTER: (FILTERED) I demand to know what the hell is going on here!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
FORNELL: Not much. Just the end of your life as you know it, Captain.
VETTER: You see what I've had to deal with, Agent Gibbs? Threats, intimidation? I won't stand for it!
GIBBS: You told me Petty Officer Smith was like a daughter to you.
VETTER: What's that got to do with this?
GIBBS: Considering you were sleeping with her, a lot.
VETTER: I want a lawyer.
GIBBS: Yeah, you'll need one. She was murdered.
FORNELL: We think it was you.
GIBBS: Where were you Wednesday night?
VETTER: At home with my wife.
FORNELL: Well, we checked with her, Vetter. She said you went out. Didn't come back till around midnight.
VETTER: No, she's lying!
GIBBS: Maybe.
FORNELL: They do tend to get vindictive when they find out you've been cheating on them.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM - DAY
VETTER: (FILTERED) You told her about Jessica?
GIBBS: (FILTERED) I did. You might want to consult a divorce lawyer while you're at it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
VETTER: I didn't kill Jessica. I loved her, for God's sake.
FORNELL: He loved her, Gibbs. I guess that's it then. We've got to let him go.
GIBBS: Sure. After eighty or ninety years in Leavenworth.
FORNELL: You have means, you have motive and you have no alibi, Vetter.
GIBBS: She catch you taking the kickbacks or was she just helping you?
VETTER: She caught me. The money was supposed to have been for us, after the divorce. But I swear to you both, I didn't - I couldn't kill her.
FORNELL: You know what might help me believe him, Gibbs?
GIBBS: If he started crying?
FORNELL: No. If the good Captain here told us where the money is.
VETTER: Are you offering me a deal?
GIBBS: Depends... who else knew the location of the money?
VETTER: Only me, me and Jessica.
MUSICAL BRIDGE TO:
INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY
TONY: (V.O.) He's telling the truth, Boss. He stashed the money in a gym locker.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CAR - PARKED
TONY: (INTO PHONE) Looks to be around eight hundred thousand in a green duffle bag
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC ROOM - DAY
FORNELL: Who do you think's going to pick it up, Gibbs?
GIBBS: Our killer.
MCGEE: Boss, the GPS marker Tony put with the money is showing movement.
GIBBS: (INTO RADIO) Bag's in play, DiNozzo. Have Kate tighten up on the entrance.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CAR - PARKED
TONY: (INTO RADIO) Roger that. (TO KATE) Tighter on the entrance. (V.O.) Petty Officer Simons, Boss.
GIBBS: (V.O.) Well yes, Tony. We can all see that.
TONY: (INTO RADIO) Take her down?
GIBBS: (V.O.) Negative!
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC - DAY
GIBBS: I want to see where she takes it.
FORNELL: Whoa. That's eight hundred thousand in there, Jethro.
GIBBS: Relax, Tobias. It's not yours.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS LAB - DAY
(COMPUTER BEEP TONES)
(TELEPHONE BEEP TONES)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC - DAY
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) Yeah, Gibbs.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS LAB - DAY
ABBY: (INTO PHONE) Hey, I ran the blood drop from the circuit board through AFDIL and I got a match. It's a Petty Officer ...
GIBBS: (V.O./FILTERED) Lynn Simons.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC - DAY
GIBBS: (INTO PHONE) We got it, Abs. Thanks.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. NCIS LAB - DAY
ABBY: I really hate it when he does that.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. MTAC - DAY
MCGEE: (INTO PHONE) She's heading for Bethesda.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CAR - DAY
TONY: (INTO RADIO) She's picking up Commander Witten, Boss.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
TONY: (INTO RADIO) Strike that, he's going to follow her. (V.O.) Or she's going to follow him?
KATE: Oh, guess again, s*x machine. It's a girlfriend.
(MUSIC OVER ACTION)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SIMONS' CAR - PARKED
(REYNOLDS -SIMONS KISS)
REYNOLDS: You got the money, babe?
SIMONS: Oh, yeah. (UNZIPS CASE)
REYNOLDS: Get out.
SIMONS: What... are you doing?
REYNOLDS: What I always do. Survive.
SIMONS: But if it wasn't for me, you never would have gotten her back in the hospital. You never would have known where she hid the money.
REYNOLDS: True. Now get out, bitch.
TONY: (SHOUTS) Drop the weapon!
REYNOLDS: They followed you!
TONY: Drop it!
(SFX: EMPTY GUN CHAMBER CLICKS)
SIMONS: (SHOUTS) It's not loaded! Please don't shoot! Please!
(MUSIC OVER ACTION/ STRUGGLE/ SHOUTING)
REYNOLDS: You stupid bitch! Don't touch me!
TONY: You're not my type, lady. Hey, get your hands on the wheel! Kate, cuff this whack-job!
(SFX: REYNOLDS STRUGGLES B.G.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. SQUAD ROOM - DAY
(SFX: EMAIL BEEP TONES)
TONY: That's not me.
KATE: Well of course it's not you. Too bad nobody else is going to know that.
TONY: That's low, Kate.
KATE: I've learned from the best, Tony. We both delete at the same time?
TONY: On three.
KATE: One, two, three.
(SFX: EMAIL BEEP TONES)
TONY: See you tomorrow, Boss!
KATE: Have a good one, Gibbs!
(KATE AND TONY RUN TO THE ELEVATOR)
(MUSIC OUT) | Plan: A: Jessica Smith; Q: Who was the petty officer who called Gibbs and his team to investigate a possible crime? A: no such evidence; Q: What evidence does Gibbs and his team find that the attack did not happen? A: Her therapist Lt. Witten; Q: Who reveals that Jessica Smith has paranoid delusions? A: the month before; Q: When did Jessica Smith's fiancee die in Iraq? A: Things; Q: What takes a shocking turn when Gibbs and Kate find Jessica Smith dead in her room? A: Kate; Q: Who reveals a secret of Tonys to humiliate him? A: Ducky; Q: Who discovers that Jessica Smith was already dead and the hanging was staged? A: the help; Q: What did Tobias Fornell provide to Gibbs and his team? A: FBI Special Agent Tobias Fornell; Q: Who helped Gibbs and his team find out that Jessica Smith was involved in an investigation? A: an ongoing investigation; Q: What was Jessica Smith embroiled in? A: his ace; Q: What does Tony play when Kate reveals a secret of his? A: a copy; Q: What does Tony show Kate of the embarrassing photo he found at a sorority spring break party? Summary: Gibbs and his team are called to investigate a possible crime when a petty officer named Jessica Smith reveals that she was attacked by a man wearing battle fatigues and body armor but there's no such evidence to suggest that it took place. Her therapist Lt. Witten reveals that Smith has paranoid delusions which she believes was triggered by the death of her fiancee in Iraq the month before. Things take a shocking turn when Gibbs and Kate later find Smith dead in her room, having hung herself but Ducky later discovers she was already dead and the hanging was staged. With the help of FBI Special Agent Tobias Fornell, Gibbs and the team find out that she and her colleagues and their CO were embroiled in an ongoing investigation and suspect someone might have tried to silence Jessica. Meanwhile, when Kate reveals a secret of Tonys to humiliate him, he plays his ace by showing her a copy of an embarrassing photo of Kate at a sorority spring break party (which he discovered at the end of the last episode) and uses it as leverage to terrorize her. |
Northern Europe, 1520
[A Cottage]
(A woman knocks on the door. A man opens it. It turns out that the woman is actually Nadia)
Nadia: Good evening, sir. If I could trouble you for a moment. I'm looking for someone. Her name is Katerina Petrova. She was last seen outside of London in 1492. She's on the run. I need to find her. I need to ask her why she abandoned me
Nowadays
[A Warehouse]
(Katherine is with Nadia)
Katherine: Nadia?
Nadia: Please. I need to know
Katherine: Nadia, I'm right here. I'm right here
Nadia: Uhh. I was dreaming how I searched for you from village to village
Katherine: I know. I heard you. You said that I abandoned you. You were ripped from my arms as a baby. It's completely different
Nadia: Not for a child without a mother
Katherine: You know, all this guilt is really taking all the fun out of this mother-daughter outing. I'm sorry Tyler bit you, but you're not going to die
Nadia: Did you ask Klaus for his blood?
Katherine: Oh, my, you really are delirious. Nadia, he would love nothing more than to watch my daughter die
Nadia: And you don't want to risk being outed
Katherine: No, I don't. So, that's why I called him
(Wes rejoins them)
Wes: Nice to meet you. I'm Dr. Maxfield
Katherine: And luckily for us, he'll love nothing more than to study your blood
Wes: Werewolf venom isn't easy to come by
Nadia: Get away from me
Katherine: It's ok. Nadia, it's ok
Wes: Listen to your mother. The venom in your blood is a toxin with basic chemical properties. Once I study its make-up, I can... Create the antidote
Katherine: It's ok. Come on, come on, honey. There you go
Nadia: If I'd known I just had to die to drag your attention from Stefan, I would have tried it a long time ago
Katherine: If you're trying to make me feel guilty... It's almost working
Nadia: I'm just glad you're here now
Katherine: Me, too. I'm going to be a better mother, starting right now. I promise you... I'm going to save your life
[Salvatore's House]
(Damon is still in the cell, all tied up. Stefan's with him)
Damon: she's brilliant
Stefan: We haven't noticed that Katherine's been inhabiting Elena's body for weeks, and that's all you have to say?
Damon: Yep
Stefan: And you realize that it was Katherine who broke up with you, it wasn't Elena
Damon: Mm-hmm
Stefan: Right. So, your little murder spree with Enzo where you killed Aaron, you nearly killed Jeremy, tried to kill Wes but you got infected with that ripper virus... That was all you reacting to Katherine
Damon: I'm trying to figure out why you decided to tell a starving, bloodthirsty, vampire-feeding ripper that his Nemesis is still walking around alive and well while I am stuck in this cell and can't do anything about it
Stefan: I have it under control
Damon: I'd love to hear this
(Tyler, Matt and Caroline are in the library)
Matt: Hang on here. Katherine's still alive? How is that even possible?
Caroline: Remember that time Nadia's ex Gregor hitched a ride in your head? Ok, well, it's kind of the same thing. Katherine is a passenger in Elena, except it's worse because none of us seemed to notice
Tyler: She was at my house. How did none of us figure it out?
Caroline: Because it's Katherine, and she's smart, and conniving and sneaky and... We're the worst friends ever
(They're on speakerphone with Bonnie and Jeremy)
Jeremy: This makes no sense. She saved my life. She gave me CPR when Enzo tried to kill me. Katherine would never do that
Bonnie: That's what made her so believable. She played Elena to a t. If she let you die, her cover was blown
Caroline: I was sleeping 3 feet away from her. She picked out my bitter ball dress. And I let her use my toothpaste
(Stefan rejoins them)
Stefan: Yeah, well, did she lure you into a hotel room to make out with you?
Tyler: She's the reason I found out about you and Klaus
Caroline: Of course. Oh, my God
Tyler: So, how do we kill the bitch?
Stefan: Well, passengers can be expelled from the host. Saw it happen with Matt. Gregor died and Matt lived. All we have to do is stab her with a traveler knife
Matt: I still have the knife that Nadia gave me
Stefan: Perfect. Go get it
Caroline: Hold on, guys, this is Katherine that we're talking about. She's gonna see a sneak attack coming from a mile away. We gotta get her to come to us. Get her guard down. Corner her
Tyler: Fat chance you'll be seeing her today. I'm pretty sure I bit Nadia
Matt: What do you mean you bit her?
Tyler: I mean she was attacking Caroline and I might've nipped her a little
Matt: And you're just mentioning this now?
Caroline: Hey, guys, focus. Tyler's right. Katherine is not going to leave Nadia's side unless not leaving compromises her identity
Matt: Which means?
Caroline: We gotta invite her to something that Elena can't say no to
[Whitmore College]
(Bonnie and Jeremy are together and still on the phone with the group)
Bonnie: A surprise party? Seriously? I wanted a spa day.You try feeling the death of every supernatural creature who passes through you on their way to the other side
Jeremy: I'm not saying you don't deserve it. Besides, your birthday isn't until next week
Caroline: That's what makes it a surprise
[A Warehouse]
(Katherine is on the phone)
Katherine: Yeah, I don't think Bonnie would want a big party for her birthday
Caroline: Of course she does. So, when can you get over to Stefan's to help us set up?
Katherine: I can't
Caroline: You can't?
Katherine: I would love to, but I just... I can't. Um... I'm making arrangements for Aaron Whitmore's funeral. The only reason Damon killed him was because we broke up, so, I kind of feel like I owe it to Aaron. You understand, right?
Caroline: Of course. No, that's really nice of you
(They hang up and Bonnie calls)
Nadia: Elena, you're so popular today
(Katherine picks up)
Katherine: Hey, Bonnie
Bonnie: Hey. How's it going?
Katherine: You sound tired
Bonnie: Yeah. I had to pull an all-nighter for my sociology exam and then woke up to a coven of dead Russian witches passing through me on the way to the other side. Sorry. Self-pity. So not cute
Katherine: No, I totally get it. You're the anchor now. That must be... exhausting
Bonnie: Do you want to maybe meet up for a coffee or something? It's just been one of those days, you know?
Katherine: Yeah. Well, ha! This is gonna sound crazy, but I'm actually at the day spa right now buying you a gift certificate for your birthday. It was supposed to be a surprise but, well, surprise!
Bonnie: You read my mind. That's so you
Katherine: Hey, look, I'll check in with you later
Bonnie: Ok
(They hang up)
Katherine: Why are they being so clingy today?
[Salvatore's House]
(Stefan is with Damon in his cell)
Damon: What are you doing?
Stefan: There you go. Drink
Damon: I need more
Stefan: Too bad
Damon: That was nothing
Stefan: That's exactly 4 ounces. When you were out killing vampires,you said one vampire kept you good for 8 hours. So, our friend Caroline did a little bit of math...
Damon: Caroline?
Stefan: Relax. She had a calculator. So, 4 ounces 3 times a day should be just enough to help manage the hunger
Damon: You mean manage me
Stefan: So you don't rip anyone's head off. We'll deal with your crisis once we get Elena back
Damon: I'll deal with my own crisis. Listen, you just let me out of here. I'll find Wes, I'll get the antidote
Stefan: And then what, huh? You skip town? Leave it to me to tell Elena everything you did after you thought she broke up with you?
Damon: Who are you calling there, buddy?
Stefan: Katherine's been making a lot of excuses and I have a feeling she won't be able to say no to me
(A phone suddenly rings)
Stefan: It's your phone. Elena is calling. Answer it
(Damon answers)
Damon: Elena. Hey
Katherine: Hey. Um... how are you?
Damon: Well, you know. Strung up, hungry. Same old, same old
Katherine: Now that the dust has settled, I was hoping that, I don't know, maybe we can talk about what happened at the farmhouse. Can I see you?
Damon: Ok. Sure. Why don't you just come to the house and we'll talk about it here?
Katherine: Perfect. I'll see you soon
Damon: Ok. Bye
(He hangs up)
[A Warehouse]
Katherine: Damon knows that he tried to kill me less than 24 hours ago. There isn't a single vampire-craving bone in his body that would risk putting his precious Elena back in that kind of danger again
Nadia: And yet he's desperate to see her. Just like her other friends
Katherine: They know
[Salvatore's House]
Stefan: Doesn't make any sense.She's dodged everyone's attempt to try to get her over here. Now she voluntarily wants to come over?
Damon: Unless...
Stefan: Unless?
Damon: She was testing me. She knows
France, 1720
(Nadia rejoins a man in the woods)
Nadia: Money for information. I was told you saw Katerina Petrova kill a man in cold blood outside the court of Versailles. I want to know if that's true
Nowadays
[A Church]
(Katherine and Nadia have settled there now)
Nadia: She's been on the run for... 228 years
Katherine: You passed out in the car. I didn't want to wake you
Nadia: Huh. Perfect. I can make my peace with the universe
Katherine: Don't talk like that. I brought you here so that I could hide you till Wes finds a way to heal you
Nadia: You should leave now. While you can. There's no point in trying to save me
Katherine: I didn't raise you to be a quitter. And I promise... As soon as you get better, we're leaving. Together
[Salvatore's House]
(Stefan and Caroline are in the basement, in front of Damon's cell)
Caroline: Of course. The farther she gets, the worse our chances are of ever seeing Elena again. It's bad enough that we didn't recognize Katherine. We also just blew our only advantage
Damon: Nothing a little locator spell can't fix
[Whitmore College]
(Bonnie and Jeremy rejoin Liv)
Liv: Let me guess. Matter of life and death?
Bonnie: Kind of. Yeah, um, do you remember that locator spell we did the other night?
Liv: Sure. We ended up saving him. You're welcome, by the way
Bonnie: Now we need you to find his sister
Liv: Why? She ran away from home?
Bonnie: No. She's been possessed by her evil doppelganger
Liv: Ok...
Bonnie: Liv. Will you help us?
Liv: I can be convinced
[Salvatore's House]
(Tyler is sitting in front of Damon's cell)
Damon: Need blood
Tyler: You just had your lunch 30 minutes ago
Damon: Or you could give me a couple sips of that hybrid juice. I can be on my way and I'll take up my ripper situation with Wes
Tyler: Not gonna happen
Damon: Can I ask you a question without you getting all wolf man on me?
Tyler: Do I have a choice?
Damon: Why are you still here?
Tyler: I'm a hybrid and you need a baby-sitter
Damon: Oh, no, I mean here here, in Mystic Falls here. Your family's all dead and I don't see you getting a job at the Grill. Yet I don't see you in a Whitmore hoodie, either. Something tells me that there's a little masochistic voice inside your head that's trying to convince you that you and Caroline still have a fighting chance in hell
Tyler: I think you have enough problems without having to worry about me
Damon: You're probably right. One small difference between you and me... You want to hear it?
Tyler: Not especially
Damon: You see, even after all the terrible things I do, Elena still chose me.Because she's fighting for me. Caroline, on the other hand, chose the nuclear option. You know that big, red button that just nukes your entire relationship once and for all? Well, sleeping with the guy that killed your mom was kind of her way of slamming her hand down
Tyler: You think Elena will still want you back after this? It's over, Damon. Fix yourself and run. Far away
Damon: I plan on it. How's New Orleans this time of year?
Tyler: You really think Elena's gonna forgive you? Look at you. You killed her friend. You almost killed her brother. You nearly killed her. You're a joke, Damon
Damon: Says the guy pining after the girl who slept with Klaus
Tyler: You don't know anything about me
Damon: I know how to get you in this cell
(Damon attacks him and flees)
(Caroline arrives in the cell)
Caroline: Hey, ready for a changing of the guard... Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Tyler?
Tyler: I'm ok
Caroline: He fed on you?
Tyler: I said I'm fine
Caroline: Why would you come in here?
Tyler: Why do you think? Damon knew exactly how to piss me off
(Stefan enters)
Stefan: What the hell happened?
Tyler: I think Damon went to go find Wes
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Whitmore College]
(Liv, Bonnie and Jeremy are in Bonnie's dorm)
Liv: Elena's necklace. Candle. Map. Give me your hand. You're Elena's brother. That makes you blood. So, hand it over
Bonnie: Actually, he's her cousin. It's a long story
Liv: Whatever. Close enough
Bonnie: That's not... That's not how I taught you
Liv: Relax, Mr. Miyagi. I'm feeling my way through it, ok? Now, what do I say, again? Does Elena look anything like you?
Jeremy: Uh, same color hair
Liv: What about her eyes? Are they as pretty as yours?
Bonnie: Is this really necessary?
Liv: I'm sorry. I'm searching for his sister/cousin's doppelganger in my mind. I'll take all the help I can get. Does your sister spend a lot of time in church?
[A Church]
Nadia: Are you leaving?
Katherine: I'm going to check on Wes. He's taking too long
Nadia: Be careful. They're all out looking for you
Katherine: That's never stopped me before
[A Warehouse]
(Wes is working on his serum and he hears a noise)
Wes: Hello?
Damon: What's up, doc?
Wes: How did you find me?
Damon: I called my friend Enzo and asked him about the little adventure he had with you. Gotta say, long way off the tenure track, huh? Huh. I take it the Augustine society hit a bit of a rough streak
Wes: There is no Augustine society, Damon. It's just me
Damon: Well, then I guess you're my guy. You see, I have this long road ahead of me to win my ex-girlfriend back. But I don't have a chance in hell if I'm lusting over her blood. Follow?
Wes: Even if I did cure you of this virus, what difference does it make? So you stop feeding on your friends and go back to feeding on innocent people. Is that really gonna impress Elena Gilbert?
Damon: Look at me. You did this to me
Wes: I didn't do this to you. You are this. I simply held up the mirror
Damon: Now it's my turn to play doctor
Prague, a few months ago
(Nadia and Matt are in bed)
Nadia: That was fun
Matt: You think?
Nadia: You must really trust Rebekah. Watch this.I'm going to steal her earrings... And you're not going to say anything. See? You're hanging out with an original vampire and you're not even on vervain. Trust
Matt: You know she's an original?
Nadia: I recognized her on the dance floor. I was hoping she'd know something about her brother Klaus' favorite vampire: Katherine Pierce. Maybe you heard of her?
Matt: Yeah. Yeah, I've heard of her. I know her. Why do you care?
Nadia: Because she is my mother, and I'd very much like to meet her. I'm going to take your ring. Now I have a reason to see you again
[A Warehouse]
Katherine: Wes? What the hell is taking so I... No. No. Please, no. No
(Her phone rings)
Katherine: Nadia, I'm coming back to the church right now
Stefan: She's not at the church anymore. She's with me at home
Katherine: Stefan, why do you have Nadia's phone?
Stefan: She doesn't have much time left, Katherine
Katherine: I don't know what you're talking about
Stefan: I know that it's you and I know that you care about Nadia. That's why I brought her here
Katherine: Prove it. Put her on the phone
Nadia: Katherine? Run
(Stefan takes the phone back)
Stefan: You can always run, Katherine. It's what you do best. Or you can come home and see your daughter one last time before she dies. It's your choice
[Salvatore's House]
(Matt comes to Nadia's side)
Matt: Your hands are like ice
Nadia: Gregor
Matt: No, it's Matt. I'm not...
Nadia: Gregor, I'm sorry I betrayed you. I did it for my mother. I did everything for her
Matt: I know you did
Nadia: Forgive me?
Matt: Yes. I forgive you. Hey, hey. Shh. It's ok. It's ok. Shh
Nadia: I... I don't want to die. I don't want to die
(The group rejoin them. Bonnie sits down next to Nadia)
Nadia: What's gonna happen when I die?
Bonnie: I'll take your hand... And you'll go to the other side. Just like that
Nadia: Will it hurt?
Bonnie: You won't feel any pain
(Katherine arrives)
Katherine: I'm here to see my daughter. Nadia
Nadia: You came back for me
Katherine: I won't leave you again
Nadia: Did you find a way to save me?
Katherine: Klaus' blood would've saved you... If I'd asked for it
Nadia: You would have outed yourself
Katherine: But you would've been alive. And now it's too late
Nadia: My mother's name is Katherine. I'm looking for her
Katherine: You found me. Nadia, I'm right here
Nadia: She's a liar. And a murderer. She manipulates. She betrays. She will do anything to survive
Katherine: Nadia. No, I'm... I'm right here. Nadia, look at me. Look at me. I'm here. I'm right here
Nadia: I'm looking for my mother
Katherine: This is not what your life should've been. 500 years searching for a mother who ended up... being me. Let me show you what your life should've been. What your perfect day would have been like. You and I had a little cottage. It was an ordinary summer day. You'd been playing outside.So, you were tired and it was time for bed. You told me about the fort that you'd built. Out in the woods by the river. And so I asked if I could visit. And you said when the sun came up in the morning, and I said... Good night, Nadia. Sleep well. Your mother loves you
(Nadia dies and she appears next to Bonnie. She finally passes to the other side. Katherine gets up)
Katherine: So. This is it
Damon: Hello, Katherine. You didn't think I'd miss this, did you?
Katherine: Ok. So. Who's got the knife? Which one of you is gonna get to kill the elusive Katherine Pierce once and for all? What? Suddenly everyone's speechless? When I was on my deathbed, you all had plenty to say. Is it you, Tyler? Because I triggered the werewolf curse? Gave you an identity and made you matter?
Tyler: You've done nothing for me
Katherine: Oh, please, Tyler. If I hadn't walked into your life, you'd just be a wasted nobody with a boozy mom and a temper problem
Caroline: Don't. Don't
Katherine: And you. I'm not worried about you offing me. Because we both know I made you better by making you a vampire
Caroline: Good-bye, Katherine
Katherine: Bye-bye, Caroline
(She looks at Matt)
Katherine: Ooh. The one girl here who actually appreciates how beautiful you are. You wouldn't stab me in the heart, Matty blue? No, I don't think so. You will definitely go down as the best night I never had. Oh well
Matt: Oh well
(She looks at Jeremy)
Katherine: Well, little Gilbert, it was nice to have a brother for a second there. When you weren't being so damn annoying!
(She looks at Bonnie)
Katherine: Bon Bon, no need for good-byes. I'll see you on the flip side
(She then gets closer to Damon)
Katherine: Damon. Oh, how you'd love nothing more than to drive that blade right through me
Damon: We've already done this, Kitty Kat. I've said all I needed to say
Katherine: I know, but I never got to say what I needed to say to you. I'm sorry. You blame me for who you are. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I turned you. I'm sorry that you didn't get to die as a forgotten nobody on a bloody battlefield, and your father didn't get to live another day to be disgraced by you. Damon, I'm sorry that I gave your life purpose. Passion. Drive. Desire. I'm sorry that you are who you are because I'm the one that taught you how to love
Damon: I'll see you in hell, Katherine
(She then turns her attention to Stefan)
Katherine: Stefan. You know, I always wondered what it would be like to be loved by you. You've got to admit, that one fleeting moment... Your feelings were real.This truly has been the role of a lifetime. Stefan, I love you. I've always loved you
(He stabs her)
Katherine: Uhh. I guess this is how... Our love story ends
(Matt is with Nadia. Tyler rejoins him)
Jeremy: Stefan said we should bury her in the woods
Matt: Screw that. She deserves better
Jeremy: You need some help?
Matt: No. I got this
(Damon and Stefan are with Elena)
Damon: Why is she not waking up?
Stefan: When Gregor left Matt's body, it took him a while to wake up, too. Which gives us a little bit of time to talk about what the hell you did
Damon: Relax. Thanks to Tyler's friendly donation, I'll be fine for a couple hours
Stefan: A few hours, huh? And then what? What's the plan?
Damon: Tell her everything I did. Let the chips crash and burn where they may
Stefan: Optimistic
Damon: I don't want to be another Katherine Pierce. Katherine spent her whole life running from her problems only to die here. All alone
(Tyler and Caroline are outside)
Caroline: Is it wrong that I feel...
Tyler: Victorious?
Caroline: Sad. I know that Katherine is a horrible person, but...
Tyler: But you see the good in people
Caroline: You mean Klaus. Because I saw the good in Klaus
Tyler: Your words. Not mine
Caroline: Your hybrid bite just killed someone and no one even batted an eye. I sleep with the wrong guy weeks ago and I don't hear the end of it. How is that fair?
Tyler: I don't know, Care. Maybe people just expect more from you
Caroline: Why? Because being good comes so easy to me? Well, guess what, Tyler? It doesn't. I am a vampire. I have the same impulses as you.So, I'm allowed to make some mistakes along the way. Yes, I slept with Klaus... But after you walked away from me. That was my choice and I am living with it and I don't need to be hearing about it every 5 seconds. So, just get over it or get out of my life, but... I'm done feeling guilty
[A church]
(Bonnie lights a candle)
Bonnie: This is for you, dad. I want you to know how much I miss you
(Katherine appears)
Katherine: You've got to be kidding me, right? Something tells me I'm about 5 centuries delayed on the whole believing in a higher power thing
Bonnie: Well, you're here. That means it worked. You're dead
Katherine: True. Then again, your friends didn't really give me much of a choice in the matter. Using my only daughter against me? Harsh. I suppose I could've spent the next 500 years running, but for what? My daughter was dying. Stefan would never love me. I was back to having nothing. Elena wins again
Bonnie:Let's get this over with
Katherine: I'm really starting to get sick of Elena getting everything that I want
Bonnie: What is that supposed to mean?
Katherine: Wes had no intention of helping Nadia A few hours earlier
[A Warehouse]
(Katherine is on the phone with Stefan)
Stefan: You can always run, Katherine. It's your choice
(She hangs up and finds Wes' digital recorder)
Wes: A good day. I've managed to extract the werewolf venom from Nadia Petrova's blood. The addition of the venom will make the ripper virus even more lethal to vampires
[A Church]
Katherine: He was just using her as a case study in his project to wipe out vampires off the face of the earth
Bonnie: Why are you telling me this?
[Salvatore's House]
(Elena is starting to wake up)
Damon: Hey. Elena?
[A Church]
Katherine: I've said it before and I'll say it again. Elena had the life I always wanted. Heh. Well, until now
Bonnie: Katherine, what did you do?
Katherine: Stefan thought he gave me a choice: Run or die. But that's not really much of a choice, is it? After all, Nadia was the only person in this world who really loved me.And I wasn't about to let my daughter die alone. But Katherine Pierce wasn't about to go gentle, either
[Salvatore's House]
Elena: Hi
Damon: Are you... you?
Elena: Yeah. Yeah, it's me. I'm here
[A Church]
Katherine: I left Elena with a little bit of a parting gift. If I can't have Stefan, then no one can. Ok. Now I'm ready.Nothing's happening. What's wrong?
Bonnie: I don't know. This has never happened before
Katherine: Bonnie, what are you doing? Let me pass through. Why won't you let me pass through?
Bonnie: I don't know. I don't control it
Katherine: What?
Bonnie: It's not up to me
Katherine: Then who is it up to? Bonnie!
Bonnie: I can't help you, Katherine
Katherine: What... no, no no! Nooooo! | Plan: A: Nadia; Q: Who is hallucinating from the werewolf bite? A: her mother; Q: Who is Nadia trying to find? A: Katherine; Q: Who tries to run and is stabbed and killed by Stefan? A: Wes; Q: Who does Katherine try to reach out to to save Nadia? A: Elena's body; Q: Where is Katherine a passenger in? A: Tyler; Q: Who tells Stefan and Caroline that he bit Nadia? A: a plan; Q: What do Stefan and Caroline come up with to lure Katherine out of Elena's body? A: the second time; Q: How many times did Bonnie and Jeremy have to turn to Liv for help to locate Elena? A: Bonnie; Q: Who comforts Nadia after Katherine's death? A: Jeremy; Q: Who is Bonnie's partner in the search for Elena? A: Damon; Q: Who baits Tyler? A: revenge; Q: What does Damon want to get on Dr. Wes? A: the house; Q: Where does Stefan take Nadia after he kills Wes? A: her daughter; Q: Who does Katherine say goodbye to? A: a dream; Q: What does Katherine give Nadia? A: their life; Q: What does Katherine tell Nadia she could have been a part of? A: the traveler's knife; Q: What weapon did Stefan use to kill Katherine? A: a new understanding; Q: What do Caroline and Tyler come to after talking about Katherine? A: hell; Q: Where does Katherine go after she fails to go to the other side? Summary: Nadia is hallucinating from the werewolf bite back to her search for her mother and Katherine reaches out to Wes to try and save her. Stefan and Caroline tell everyone about Katherine being a passenger in Elena's body. Tyler tells them that he bit Nadia so they have to come up with a plan to lure Katherine out, but Katherine figures out they know it's her. For the second time, Bonnie and Jeremy must turn to Liv for help to locate Elena/Katherine. Damon baits Tyler, feeds on him, knocks him out, and takes off to seek revenge on Dr. Wes. Katherine goes to find Wes, but instead finds him dead after Damon killed him. Stefan takes Nadia back to the house and Bonnie comforts her, telling her she'll go to the Other Side, as Katherine comes to say good-bye to her daughter. She gives Nadia a dream about what their life could have been like, had she not been taken away. Katherine tries to run, but she's stabbed and killed with the traveler's knife by Stefan. Caroline and Tyler talk and come to a new understanding. Katherine's spirit goes to Bonnie and reveals she injected herself with a combination of werewolf venom and the ripper virus. She then fails to go to the other side and goes to hell instead. |
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the phone, Chandler and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Ross is in the kitchen as Rachel enters from her bedroom.]
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, are you still on hold? I was supposed to call my Dad back like two hours ago.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, he clipped on, he said call him as soon as you get a chance, he's at Flimby's.
Rachel: What's Flimby's?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, that's the word I use when I can't remember the real thing.
Rachel: Okay. Hang up! That's it! Come on!
Phoebe: No! Rachel, that's what they want me to do. My warranty expires tomorrow, if I don't get through, they're not gonna fix my crappy, broken phone for free! We cannot let them win! It's us versus them!
Chandler: Ye-e-es!!
Joey: (entering) Hey.
All: Hey.
Joey: Uh, listen I gotta double check for tickets tonight. Who-who got what?
Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel: I had one.
Monica: I need two. I'm bringing Pete. My boyfriend. I have a boyfriend now!
Joey: Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Ross: Uh, yeah, I ah, I also need two.
Monica: Really? Who's number two?
Chandler: Who's number two? One of the more difficult games sewer workers play.
Ross: Uh, no, it's-it's just this person.
Phoebe: Like a date type (looks at Rachel) person?
Ross: Yeah, kinda. It's this woman from work. I hope that won't be too weird. Will it, Rach?
Rachel: No. No, not at all, not at all. I actually was gonna bring someone myself, so...
Joey: But you said one.
Rachel: I meant, me plus one!
Joey: Okay. (to Phoebe and Chandler) Did ah, you guys mean you plus one?
Ross: All right, I'll see you tonight.
Joey: Okay.
Rachel: Okay, bye-bye!
Chandler: Bye!
Monica: Bye-bye!
(Ross exits)
Rachel: Okay, I need a date! (runs to her bedroom)
Joey: Oh, hey, you guys are finally gonna get to meet Kate!
All: Oh!
Joey: (to Chandler) And I ah, borrowed some of your cologne. I hope she likes it.
Monica: Joey, what are you doing?! It's never gonna happen, she's seeing somebody.
Chandler: Yeah, and I don't have any cologne.
Joey: The green bottle next to the shaving cream.
Chandler: Oh! Worm medicine for the duck.
(In horror, Joey wipes his neck and smells it.)
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is getting ready to go to Joey's premiere and Phoebe is still on hold.]
Monica: (to Phoebe) Here you go. You can wear this. (hands her a sweater)
Phoebe: Thanks!
Monica: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: Okay. (on phone) Ooh, I'm setting the phone down. (does so) But I'm still here! Just don't go anywhere I'm still here. (starts to put on the sweater) Don't-don't switch or anything, 'cause I'm, I'm right here. (She has pulled the sweater over her head, but her head is stuck in a sleeve.) Just one sec. One sec! One second!! (She is now frantically trying to get the sweater on, as Monica returns from the bathroom.) Wait! One second! Just...
Monica: Phoebe?
Phoebe: What?! Monica, I'm scared!!
Monica: All right. Honey, that's-that's a sleeve. Okay?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Monica: And! We also have speaker phone. (She turns on the speaker phone.)
Hold Voice: Please, stay on the line. Your call is important to us.
Monica: Okay, wait, you gotta hang up 'cause we're gonna be late.
(Phoebe starts to hang up the phone, but...)
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.
Phoebe: Yes!! Yes!! I'm the next caller! You were gonna have me hang up.
Chandler: (entering, carrying the chick and duck) Hey! Can you take a duck and a chick to the theatre?
Monica: Of course not.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: Okay. I just wanted them to hear it from somebody else.
[Scene: Joey's Premiere, Rachel is already there with her date, Tommy who's played by Ben Stiller who will be in There's Something About Mary and Meet The Parents, as Ross and his date, Cailin, arrive.]
Ross: Hey, hey Rach!
Rachel: Oh, hi!
Ross: Hi!
Rachel: How are you? (She goes to kiss him on the cheek, but stops because of the dates and pats him on the shoulder.)
Ross: Good.
Rachel: Hey.
Ross: So it's looks like we're the first ones here.
Rachel: Yeah, looks that way. First ones here! Wooo!!
Ross: Yay!!
(An awkward silence follows.)
Rachel: Oh! Tommy, this is Ross. Ross, Tommy.
Tommy: Hey.
Ross: Hey. Oh, I'm sorry, this is Cailin.
(They all try and shake hands at once. They end up criss-crossing they're arms to shake each other's hand, and Ross says...)
Ross: And! Break!!
(Awkward laughter follows.)
Rachel: Okay, uhh, I think I'm going to run to the ladies room.
Tommy: Okay.
Cailin: I'll join you.
Tommy: I'll get our seats.
Ross: Okay. (The girls leave.) (to Tommy) So uh, well, this-this is uh, this is awkward.
Tommy: Yeah?
Ross: Well y'know 'cause Rachel and I used to go out.
Tommy: Oh, I didn't, I didn't know that.
Ross: Oh! Well then this is awkward. So what do you uh...
Tommy: I think we're here.
Ross: Oh! Yeah.
Tommy: Yeah.
Ross: Okay. (sees two people sitting in their seats.) Uh, huh. Excuse me, I'm sorry, I-I think you may be in our seats.
Man: Umm, no, I don't think so.
Tommy: Can-can we take a look at your ticket?
Man: Sure. (Hands him the ticket.)
Ross: (looking at ticket) Yep! Yeah, see this says D-13, and uh...
Man: Oh, well I thought that ah...
Tommy: Oh, you thought, huh? Yeah, well that didn't really work out too well for you did it you idiot!! What are you?! A moron!! Huh?! It says D-13! Okay?! Look you're surrounded by even numbers!! Did that give you some clue?!
Man: Uh, the usher told us to come...
Tommy: Oh! Oh! The usher must be right! What, with all that training they go through! Get out!! (They start to leave.) Here! (He throws him back his ticket.) (to Ross, calmly) Hey man, you want the aisle?
Ross: No, I'm good. (He sits down, stunned.)
[Scene: The Theatre, at the post premiere party. The gang is already there, except Phoebe. Joey runs in.]
Chandler: (seeing Joey) There he is!
Monica: There's our star!
Joey: So, so, what'd ya think?
Chandler: Almost as good as that play with the two naked girls on the see-saw.
Joey: I-I wasn't in that.
Chandler: I know.
Joey: (sees Kate) Oh-oh, hey-hey, Kate! Listen I want you to meet everybody. Everybody, this is Kate.
Monica: Hi!
The Director: (stepping in) Excuse me. Excuse me. (to Kate) Sweetheart! (Kisses her.) Come! (They leave.)
Chandler: So that's the girl you like.
Joey: Yeah.
Ross: (drags Chandler over to buffet table) I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with is crazy! Okay? He viscously screamed at total strangers! I think he's baaad news!
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, you don't like the guy Rachel's dating? Well, that's odd.
[cut to Joey, Rachel, and Tommy.]
Joey: Oh, hey, Lauren. Uh, you guys this is, this is Kate's understudy, Lauren.
Rachel: Oh, hi!
Lauren: Hey.
Rachel: Hey. Gosh, you look soo familiar.
Lauren: Oh, yeah! I-I ran into you in the hallway in your building. It was right after I slept with Joey. He dumped me the next day.
[cut to Monica, Pete, and Cailin]
Cailin: So. How'd you guys meet?
Pete: Well ah, the short version is, I ah pursued her for a couple of months, then I gave her a check for 20,000 dollars, and she was mine.
Monica: Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him for telling people the short version.
[cut to Joey as Estelle, Joey's agent, approaches]
Estelle: Joey, sweetheart, you were fabulous!
Joey: Hey you guys, this is my agent, Estelle.
Estelle: How do you do. (to Rachel and Monica) Ooh, you two girls were outstanding! (to Joey) Did they have representation?
Joey: No, they-they weren't in the play.
Rachel: We're not actors.
Estelle: Ooh, what a shame! Because with her face (points to Monica) and her chest (points to Rachel) I could really put something together.
Chandler: Could I borrow it?
[cut to later]
Cailin: (to Ross) Hi! Remember me?
Ross: Hi! Yeah! Tommy's in line for the bathroom and someone just cut in front of him, I think he's gonna snap. (He's watching very intently)
Cailin: Ross, I'm gonna go.
Ross: Go? Why?
Cailin: I don't know. Could be because I don't feel like standing around all night waiting for some guy who may or may not scream.
Ross: But-but Cailin, he definitely will scream.
Cailin: Good bye Ross.
Ross: Uh, oh-ho bye.
The Director: (entering carrying a newspaper) Here we go people! (starts reading the review) Boxing Day! The Lucille Lortel Theatre, blah-la-la-la... Ah-ha! Joey Tribianni, gives an uneven performance, but Mr. Tribianni is not the worst thing in this production.
Joey: Yes!!! Ha-ha-ha!
The Director: Kate Miller's awkward and mannered portrayal is laughable. (Kate walks away depressed.) Badda-badda-badda. Ah-ha! Here it is! The direction by Marshal Talmant is... (stops, reads it again, and throws down the paper in disgust) Thank you, boys and girls, you've ruined my life. Please, stuff your talentless faces with my Mother's crab cakes! (starts to leave) Excuse me!!
(Joey steps in a picks up the paper, the gang all look at him.)
Joey: Anyone mind if I save this?
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are returning. Phoebe is still on hold.]
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Hey!
Phoebe: Oh, is the play over?
Monica: Yeah. Where were you?
Hold Voice: Thank you for your patience, you're the next caller.
Monica: You were the next caller five hours ago. You must be going crazy.
Phoebe: Nah. I kept myself busy.
(Both Rachel and Monica walk into their bedrooms, stop, and come back into the living room with confused looks on their faces.)
Phoebe: Oh, okay, yeah. (to Monica) I put your stuff in her room, and her stuff in your room.
(They both look at each other, nod their heads 'All right' and follow their stuff into their new rooms.)
[Scene: The Theatre, after the party. Joey is trying to comfort Kate.]
Joey: Hey! Are you okay?
Kate: Fabulous.
Joey: Listen, drama critics they're nothing but, but people who couldn't make it as actors. You know what you should do?
Kate: Become a drama critic!
The Director: (entering, drunk) I am hurt! (to Joey and Kate) A plague on both your houses! (walks away)
Kate: By the way, he dumped me tonight after he read my review.
Joey: Oh, classy.
Kate: Yep! I sure know how to pick 'em, huh? Y'know I gave up a part on a soap for this!
Joey: Wow! Yeah I ah, I gave up a job too.
Kate: Really. What?
Joey: Uh, de-clawing cats. Hey, tell ya what. Let me walk you home. We'll stop by every news stand and burn every copy of their Times and the Post.
Kate: Why the Post?
Joey: Oh, you didn't see the Post?
Kate: No. You?
Joey: No. Why?
[Scene: Kate's Apartment, Joey and Kate are returning from a night out on the town.]
Kate: (drunk) So you really think those newspapers are just jealous of me?
Joey: Oh, absolutely! You're talented and you're good looking.
Kate: Oh, you're sweet and cute.
Joey: I know! That's why they trashed me!
(They kiss.)
Joey: Whoa. Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Kate: What?
Joey: I, I don't get you. I mean first, you hate me. Then you sleep with me. Then you want nothing to do with me, now you want me again.
Kate: What? So you never went out with an actress before?
Joey: Kate, do you even like me?
Kate: Of course I do.
Joey: Well so, how come you blew me off? Y'know? How come you were with him?
Kate: I don't know! I just, just do this! I-I always have to pick the like the smartest guy, or-or the most talented guy... Why can't I just pick someone like you?
Joey: Thanks.
Kate: You know what I mean. I mean like the sweetest guy. Joey, you're just so, you're so, so... (She passes out and slumps against his shoulder.)
Joey: (Checks to see if she's drooling on his shirt.) Okay. Okay, okay, hey. (Lays her down and covers her with a blanket.) There we go, let's get your feet up there. (Looks at her) Good night, Kate. Sweet dreams. (Picks up a garbage can) I'm gonna put this can right here in case you have to hurl.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is STILL on hold.]
Hold Voice: Please stay on the line. You're call is very important to us.
Monica: (entering from her bedroom) Pheebs, you've been up for 24 hours! Go to sleep, honey. Th-this isn't healthy.
Phoebe: No, no, I'm fine, and y'know why? 'Cause of all the riboflavin.
Joey: (entering, happily) Hey!
Monica: Hey! Didn't you have that outfit on last night?
Joey: Yeah! I stayed at Kate's, but ah, nothing happened. Hey, Pheebs, where were ya?
Phoebe: I'm so, so, so sorry, Joey. I definitely am gonna see you're play. I swear you're play is very important to us, thank you for your patience. You're play is the next play is the next play I'm gonna see.
Monica: Anyway, how did it go with Kate?
Joey: Oh, it was great! Yeah, I-I walked her home, and it was amazing how much we connected, y'know? Then ah, then she passed out, but then she woke up. Yeah? And we stayed up all night talking, and now we're like totally crazy about each other!
Monica: Joey, you had the night!
Joey: What?
Monica: When two people finally realise their feelings for each other, and-and they talk for hours, and they-they learn all about the other person!
Joey: You-you think?
Monica: Did you like learn about her family?
Joey: Two brothers, one died!
Monica: Yes!!
Joey: Yeah?!
Monica: Oh! (They hug, triumphantly.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are sitting on the couch, Rachel is on the chair.]
Gunther: (bringing Chandler a cup) This is from the woman at the bar.
Chandler: Oh-ho-ho-ho.
(He turns and looks at her. The woman whispers something to Gunther; who comes back and takes the mug away from Chandler.)
Gunther: Sorry. She thought you were somebody else.
Rachel: What time is it?
Monica: One.
Ross: One.
Chandler: 7:15. (Monica looks at him) Watch doesn't work.
Rachel: Tommy's supposed to be here soon, we're going to lunch.
Ross: Look. Look, I wasn't going to say anything to you, but... All right, I don't think you should be seeing Tommy anymore.
Rachel: You don't?!
Ross: No! The guy is mean. I mean really mean. I think you should stay away from him.
Rachel: Umm, or, maybe, I should stay away from all men.
Ross: No, it's not just 'cause I'm jealous. (Both Monica and Chandler give him a 'Come on' look) I mean I'm not, I'm not, I'm not jealous, okay? It's... Look, the guy, he screamed, he actually screamed at this couple sitting in our seats.
Chandler: Yeah, and at the end of the play, he, he got up y'know, and he just started like, (claps his hands) banging his hands together!
Ross: Okay, fine, fine. You don't want to believe me? No, that's fine. (starts to leave)
Monica: We're kidding!
Chandler: Ross, don't. Ross!
Monica; Ross!
[cut to outside of Central Perk]
Ross: You don't want to believe me, I'm Mr. Funny to you. Mr. Funny... (turns around and almost spills his coffee on Tommy)
Tommy: Whoa!!
Ross: Whoa, sorry Tommy.
Tommy: What's in the cup, Ross?
Ross: Umm...
Tommy: What is in the cup?!
Ross: Okay, it's coffee.
Tommy: Ice coffee? Tell me it's ice coffee!
Ross: It's-it's hot...
Tommy: Hot coffee!!! You idiot!! You were gonna spill hot coffee all over me, huh?!! What are you just some big, dumb, stupid, doofy idiot, with a doofy idiot hairdo, huh?! Huh?!
[cut to inside Central Perk, we see Ross quietly tapping on the window, desperately trying to get the gang's attention, while Tommy is still screaming at him]
Rachel: (not seeing Ross) What's your favourite thing about summertime?
Monica: Umm, going to the beach. When it stays light real late.
Rachel: Yeah...
Tommy: (entering, finished with yelling at Ross, who follows him in shell shocked) (happily) Hey!
Rachel: Tommyyyy! Say, what's your favourite thing about summer?
Tommy: Ooh, I don't know. Probably the smell of freshly cut grass.
Chandler: Ohh, that's a good one.
(Ross is having a fit, about how calm Tommy is now)
[Scene: Backstage at Joey's play, Joey is arriving, late.]
Joey: Sorry! Sorry, I'm late; sorry, I'm late! My duck and my chick and a fight, it-it was ugly.
Stage Manager: Look, we held the curtain for you buddy. Come on, let's go! Let's go!
[cut to onstage with Lauren standing in for Kate, the doorbell rings.]
Lauren: (answering the door) Vic! Where have you been, baby?!
Joey: (surprised it's Lauren) (hugs her) (whispering) Where's Kate?
Lauren: (whispering) She got a job in L.A.
Joey: (stunned) What?!
Lauren: I've been waiting up all night for ya. Where have you been? (Joey doesn't answer) Where have you been? Vic?!
Joey: Oh, ahh, go to the window. I'm wanna run down to the truck and show you something.
Lauren: (at the window, she's looking down out of the window) What do you got down there, Vic? What do you got under that tarp?
Joey: (grabs the window from the outside and sticks his head in) (whispering) When is she leaving?
Lauren: (whispering) Tonight. What are you doing?
Joey: (making like he is yelling up to the second floor) I'm coming up!
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Ross are in the kitchen, Rachel and Monica are sitting in the living room, and Phoebe is, you guessed it, still on hold.]
Tommy: Hey, mind if I use the phone?
Phoebe: Oh, I... (starts jabbering incoherently)
Chandler: Why don't you use ours across the hall, 'cause she...has...problems.
Ross: (coming out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee, almost running into Tommy) Oh-ho, whoa! Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot coffee on you.
Tommy: Yeah, but you didn't.
Ross: No, but it's-it's-it's hot!
(We see Tommy go into Joey and Chandler's apartment)
Rachel: Ross, would you just stop it! It's getting really old.
Ross: I can't believe no one believes me!
Phoebe: I do, I believe you.
Ross: You do Pheebs?
Phoebe: Yeah. But I also believed her (points to the phone) when she said I was next.
[cut to Chandler and Joey's apartment, Tommy is using the phone]
Tommy: (noticing the chick) Ooh, hey! Hey, there little fella. (picks up the chick) Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how are you doing? (starts to pet him) Aww. (The chick poops on his hand.) Eww! Oh! Eww! Gross! Idiot!! Stupid little, fuzzy, yellow creature!! Oh look at me, I'm so cute, I'm a little chick who's disgusting! God, you're so stupid, how are you not yet extinct!! (the duck wattles behind him and quacks) (to the duck) Quack-quack, quack-quack!! What are you quacking about?! Dumb Donald Doo-Doo!!
(We see the gang staring at him through the doorways.)
Chandler: Step away from the duck.
Tommy: Ooh, sorry little Mr. Chic-A-Dee, sorry you went doody in my hand! (starts to walk out and stops) (to Rachel) Well, I guess we're not going out anymore. Whaa!!!
(He leaves the gang in stunned silence.)
[Scene: Backstage at Joey's play, Joey is changing for the next scene as Kate arrives, carrying her bags.]
Kate: Joey!
Joey: Hey!
Kate: I'm soo glad I caught you, I couldn't find you before.
Joey: Wh-wh-what's going on? Wh-what's this about L.A.?
Kate: They still want me for General Hospital.
Joey: But, but wh-what about us?
Kate: Last night was wonderful. But I-I can't stay here just for you.
Joey: Well, so, stay for the museums!
Kate: I'm sorry.
Stage Manager: Joey, onstage!
Joey: Well can you at least stay to the end of the play? I mean, I'll go to the airport with ya, I-I wanna say good bye.
Lauren: (yelling from onstage) Where are you Vic?
Kate: Flight's in an hour. I-I gotta go.
Lauren: Vic! Vic! Vic!!!
Joey: (to Lauren) In a minute!!
[cut to the end of the play]
Lauren: So this is it? Victor?
Joey: Yeah, I guess it is. (sees Kate is watching, he turns Lauren so that he can talk directly to Kate, but still look like he is talking to Lauren) Listen, I ah, I gotta say good bye, and-and I gotta say it quick 'cause this is killing me. One thing you gotta know, is that I will never forget you. But, you've got things you have to do now, and so do I. And so... I'm gonna get on this spaceship, (smoke starts pouring in from the ceiling, and a ladder comes down, with flashing, colored lights on the side of it) and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels. But when I return, 200 years from now, you'll be long gone. But I won't have aged at all. (gets on the ladder) So you tell your great-great-granddaughter to look me up, because Adrienne, baby, I'm gonna want to meet her.
(The ladder retracts, taking Joey up into the spaceship for his voyage to Blargon 7, and Kate waves good bye.)
Lauren: So long, Vic! (waving good bye as the ladder retracts)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang, except Joey, is there. Phoebe is, well you y'know.]
Monica: Phoebe, it's been two days.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Oh, good thing it's one of those 801 numbers. Right?
Ross: Phoebe, 800 is toll free, 801 is-is Utah.
Phoebe: No, no, no, oh no-no-no, it's has to be 800. (picks up the instruction manual to check the phone number) 'Cause all those big companies have 800 numbers, every one. (Finds the number) Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
Rachel: Phoe-be!!
Phoebe: Sorry, I'm so sorry, I will pay you back.
Chandler: And yet, she's still not hanging up the phone.
All: Hang it up! Hang up the phone!!
Phoebe: Fine! Fine! (slams the phone down, breaking it) Oh-oh!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: Well, I think I broke it. But that's all right, here's the number you can call.
Monica: (sarcastic) Oh. | Plan: A: Rachel; Q: Who does Tommy date? A: Ben Stiller; Q: Who plays Tommy? A: an aggressive bully; Q: What is Tommy's character? A: his bad behavior; Q: What does Ross notice about Tommy? A: Joey and Kate part; Q: What happens when Kate gets an acting job in Los Angeles? A: Monica's phone; Q: What does Phoebe use to call a company before her warranty expires? A: hold; Q: What is Phoebe on for days waiting to speak to a company before her warranty expires? A: a toll-free "800" number; Q: What does Phoebe think the phone number she is on is not? A: Tommy's true character; Q: What do the other characters finally see when Tommy screams at the chick and the duck? Summary: Rachel dates Tommy ( Ben Stiller ), an aggressive bully who terrorizes anyone crossing him. When only Ross observes his bad behavior, everyone else claims he is just jealous over Rachel. Joey and Kate part when she gets an acting job in Los Angeles. Using Monica's phone, Phoebe is on hold for days waiting to speak to a company before her warranty expires, unaware it is not a toll-free "800" number. The rest of the gang finally see Tommy's true character when he screams at the chick and the duck. |
[Title: The Year 2007]
[The Bar - Ted/Barney/Marshall/Lily]
Ted: So, beeing married, different? Not different?
Marshall: It's the same. Mostly, except I think I might be getting carpal tunnel. My hands keeps cramping up.
Barney: I think the whole point of getting married was that you didn't have to do that anymore.
Marshall: No, it's from writing all the thank you notes. Mostly.
Lily: Yeah. You're writing constantly. There's forms we have to sign, our death folders, thank you notes...
Barney: Whoa. Whoa. What are death folders?
Lily: It's this thing they recommend you do in case one spouse died unexpectedly.
Marshall: It's all the information your spouse might need all in one convenient location.
Lily: Yeah. Account info, important addresses, a letter to the other person, all that stuff. I'll get the next round.
Ted: Thanks.
(Lily leaves)
Marshall: I am such a jerk.
Barney: Yeah. Wait, why?
Marshall: I didn't know that I was supposed to write a letter. All Lily's gonna find in that folder are a bunch of bank statements and a funny list of things to do with my ashes.
Ted: Marshall brownies.
Marshall: Number six. Yeah. Oh, God, I am a bad husband. No, uh, no, I'll just write, I'll write Lily a letter tonight, everything'll be fine.
Barney: That's right. Unless... you die between now and then. Ooh. But, come on, that's never gonna happen.
Ted: Yes! There is one thing we can state with absolute certainly, it's that Marshall Eriksen is not going to die before writing that letter.
Barney: No way at all. In fact, I dare God to smite down this perfectly healthy...
Marshall: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! I get it, okay, you guys know I'm a little superstitious, and you guys are trying to freak me out. Well, guess what? It didn't work. So, there.
(Marshall knocks the table three times, throw salt behind his shoulder and turns a lot of times...)
Marshall: You guys are jerks!
(He leaves)
["How I Met Your Mother", credits]Narrator: (Flashback of Robin and Ted hugging after breaking up) So, after Robin and I broke up, she needed some time away.
[A house in Argentina - Robin/Gael]
Narrator: Away from her normal home, her normal life, and it turns out, her normal self.
(They are sitting and eating, with a lot of people)
Robin: I was just so uptight in New York, you know? I mean, down here everybody shares everything. It's like we're all one big shimmering ball of positive energy. I wonder if anyone's ever thought that before.
Gael: Here. Eat. If we run out of fish I will catch more with my hands.
(Drums playing)
Robin: A drum circle! They're different every time. Let's go watch!
[End Flashback]
[The Bar - Robin/Ted/Lily/Barney]
Robin: And here I am at the drum circle.
Barney: Whoa. Are you topless? Ted, check this out.
Ted: Seen 'em.
Lily: Wow. It seems like a great trip.
Robin: Oh, it was. I feel like the Robin who left is not the same Robin who came back, you know.
Lily: Wow. There's a lot of nude people in here.
Barney: You haven't changed, Scherbatsky. You're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, cigar-smoking, red-meat-eating, gun-toting new yorker.
Lily: Just shoes and a shirt. That's a look.
Barney: What you are not is a massage-giving, windsurfing, bongo-playing, teetotaling, vegan, peacenik, hippy like you soon to be ex-boyfriend, Gael. Back me up here, Ted.
Ted: I'm just happy Robin's happy.
Robin: Thank you.
Lily: Man, this is like "Where's Waldo" of exposed genitalia. Except that it's really easy to find Waldo.
Robin: I'm evolved, and I'm enjoying living my life a little bit closer to the way Gael and I did in Argentina.
Barney: Please, vacation romances have an expiration date. Gael's got a "Best if banged by" sticker on him. Once your romance starts to stink, you'll dump his ass down the drain like sour milk and go back to being "Unevolved Robin", the one we actually like. Back me up here, Ted.
Ted: I'm just happy Robin's happy.
Barney: I'm telling you, within three days...
Lily: Ooh, here he comes. Switched to big words.
(Gael comes in)
Barney: Within a triad of solar periods, you'll recognize your dearth of compatibility with your paramour and conclude your association.
Robin: My journey was transformative and I reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour and the philosophies he espouses.[/b]
Gael: What are we talking of? Baseball?
Barney: This is all gonna returns to masticate you in the gluteals. Support my hypotehesis, Ted.
Ted: I'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant.
[The Apartment - Marshall]
Narrator: That night, Marshall, sit down, to write the letter he hoped Lily would never have to read.
Marshall (voiceover): "My dearest, sweetest, Lily pad. Let this letter be a small beacon, a tiny firefly to help light your way trough the years ahead. My love for you persists, higher than the Himalayas, deeper than a scottish loch. (sobbing) If I died under suspicious circumstances then beware. Trust no one, not even Ted. Especially not Ted. Know that I'll always be there in your heart, whenever you need me. (cry and sobbing) And my love for you will never die. Love. (sobbing) Your Marshmallow." (cry and inhales sarply)
(He opens Lily's envelop)
Lily (voiceover): "M., Atm Pin Code: 5-4-5-9. Teacher's pension account: a-3-9-3-2. Cancel Vogue. L."
[The Bar - Gael/Robin/Lily/A lot of girls]
Gael: My windsurfing board... it had floated away. And the shark... he was getting closer. They say to escape you punch a shark in the nose. But I said... "Brother shark, we are both children from the same earth mother." (Lily sighs) And that's all I remember until the hospital.
(Further in the bar)
Barney: That guy...
Ted: Yeah. That guy. Look at how easy he has it.
Barney: Well. You and me, we have to bend over backwards to get a woman to, well, bend over backwards. But that guy... every woman in the bar is hanging on his every slightly mispronounced word. And why?
Ted: He's better looking than us.
Barney: No. Because he's from out of town.
Ted: Mmm.
Barney; With an accent and an innoncent smile, you don't even have to try.
Ted: Yeah. Plus automatic out, you're leaving in a couple of days. God, I wish we were tourists.
Barney: Yeah. Actually... You know where I've been meaning to visit?
[New York City - Ahead of the Bar - Ted/Barney]
(Camera shutter clicking)
Ted: Okay, okay. We're from a small town in the south of France. Our plane leaves sunday morning.
(Two girls arrives)
Barney: (With southern accent) Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies. Hate to bother you. We seem to be a little bit lost. Would you happen to know which street the statue of liberty's on?
Girl #1: Actually, it's on its own island.
Ted: Oh.
Barney: Oh, it's right. And, thank you very... Uh, my name is, uh, Ignatius Peabody Nobel, from East Westerton, Missouri. And this is my friend... Ted.
Colleen: Hi, um, I'm Colleen.
Barney: Hi, Colleen.
Colleen: This is Lindsay.
Barney: Hi, Lindsay.
Ted: So, hey, you-you ladies, been awful nice to us. What do you say... ah, never mind. No...
Colleen: No, what is it?
Ted: Well, it's just we're leaving sunday morning. It sure would be nice to have some real New Yorkers show us around.
Barney: Yeah.
Lindsay: Well. We're tonight, but... maybe tomorrow afternoon? Atfer lunch?
Barney: Well. Hotdog! Should we... you want to just meet here in front of Mac... MacLaren's pub?
Colleen: It's kind of a lame bar, but sure.
Ted: Really? It doesn't seem that lame to me.
Lindsay: It's pretty lame.
Ted: I think it's cool.
Colleen: We'll see you tomorrow.
Barney: All right.
(They leave)
Ted: (yelling)I'm just saying it seems like a kind of bar a lot of cool people would hang out there.
Barney: Okay. All right.
[The Bar - Robin/Lily]
Lily: So, Gael, huh?
Robin: Mmm.
Lily: Still going strong?
Robin: Yeah. It's great. Amazing, fantastic, awesome.
Lily: Ooh, that's one too many. What's going on?
Robin: Well, now that I'm home, I'm finding myself getting annoyed at things that I loved on vacation.
[Flashback - Argentina - Gael/Robin]
Gael: Here, taste. Experience your food.
Robin: Oh, so good.
[Flashback - Brooklyn - Gael/Robin]
Gael: Here taste. Experience your food.
Robin: Ooh sofa! Ooh sofa! Sofa, sofa, oh... ooh (she grunts)
[Flashback - Argentina - Gael/Robin]Robin: Ooh.
Gael: We're alone, now. I must have you.
(She laughts)
[Flashback - Brooklyn - Gael/Robin]
Robin: Ooh.
Gael: I must have you.
Robin: Laptop! Laptop! Laptop! (She sighs when the laptop fall over)
[End Flashbacks]
[The Bar - Robin/Lily]
Robin: And you know what else? I'm still finding sand everywhere. I mean, we haven't been to the beach since Argentina. Where is all coming from?
Lily: Well, maybe you're just going back to the person you were before the trip.
Robin: But I don't want to. I was so happy down there. No, you know what? I'm done complaining. I'm evolving. Just gonna go with the flow.
[Robin's Apartment (Bathroom) - Robin](She takes a shower and someone enters in the bathroom)
Robin: Wow. Gael, you're peeing while I'm in the shower. Okay. Okay, old Robin would have been like, dude, ocupado. But now, you know what, I'm cool with it. Pee it up. In fact, when you're done, why won't you come in here and join me?
A guy (but he's not Gael): Don't mind if I do, love.
(She screams and get out of the bathroom)
Robin: Gael, there's some weird du.. (A lot of people is on her apartment) Hello.
Gael: Hey. Good news. I made some travelling friends today, and they'll be staying with us. How do you say... indefinetly?!
All: G'day.
[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall]Lily: Oh, here. Will you sign this thank you note?
Marshall: Wow. Both sides. You wrote on both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box.
Lily: Wow, it's a really nice blender.
Marshall: Well, if you love that blender so much, why don't you just marry it.
Lily: I can't. I married you. That's how we got the blender. What's wrong?
Marshall: Nothing. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong? Except that when you die, I'm gonna find out that your parting words to comfort me for all eternity were "Cancel Vogue".
Lily: How can you open my letter?
Marshall: That was not a letter. It was barely even a text message. Next time you write something that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme.
Lily: Marshall, wait. (He opens the door) This was our first fight as a married couple.
Marshall: Oh, baby.
Lily: Oh.
(He leaves the apartment)
[Pictures of New York]
Narrator: Kids, when you visited New York, there are count of something funny to see and do. And yes Colleen and Linsay took us to Tater-Skinz.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Tater-Skinz - Lindsay/Ted/Barney/Colleen]
Colleen: This is our favorite restaurant in the city.
Ted: Yes, I'm sure this is the best of their 57 "spudtacular" east coast locations.
Lindsay: I'm going to run to the restroom.
Colleen: I'm gonna go, too.
(They leaves to the restroom) (Barney growls, Ted groans and Barney laughts)
Barney: This is the easiest date ever. You know what I'm gonna try next? A knock, knock joke.
Ted: Easiest? Somehow we have managed to find the two lamest new yorkers of all time.
Barney: Ted, Ted, Ted. Dude.
Ted: I'm looking at you. What?
Barney: Right. Stay with me. We are on the cusp of moving from out-of-towners to in-their-pantsers. Ay-o?
(They make a high-five)
Ted: All right, Ignatius, one more hour.
Barney: Nice. (The girls are coming in) Nice. Hey, nice.
Lindsay: Hey. Our friends invited us to a party. You guys want to come along?
Barney: Knock, knock.
Lindsay: Who's there?
Barney: Yes, we do.
(All laughing)
[Robin's apartment - Robin/Gael/Gael's friends]
Robin: Quick announcement. I am so glad that you're here, fellow travelers. A couple rules... not even rules. Let's call them guidelines for harmonious living. Guideline for harmonious living number one ; The kitchen sink is for dishes, the toilet is for pee-pee. G.F.H.L. number two ; Marijuana is illegal in the United States, even when baked into a blueberry muffin that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast right before they leave for their job as a TV Newscaster. "This just in: Look at my hand, how weird is my hand?" is not an appropriate thing to say on the air. And number three... I... (All cherring). (Yelling) And number three is please keep the noise to a minimum. I have to take a nap. I'm still pretty baked.
[In the Cab - Barney/Colleen/Ted/Lindsay]
Barney: Everything's so bright, even at night. No wonder the city never sleeps. (Barney and Colleen laughing)
Ted: Hey. If we're going north, why did we cross over the FDR? We should have taken the Hudson.
Barney: (scoffing) Now he knows all the streets. Someone's been watching too many "Steinfield reruns". (Woman laughing, Ted laughts sarcastically)
Ted: Where are we even going anyway?
Lindsay: 148th and Brook Avenue.
Ted: A hundred... on the south of Bronx at this time of night? We're going to get killed.
Barney: Ted. I think these local new yorkers know more about the city than we do, so relax. We're in very capable hands.
[(Later) South of Bronx - Ted/Barney/Lindsay/Colleen/Policeman]
(Sirenes wails)
Ted: There were three of them, at least two guns... they took all our money.
Barney: Well. I only had traveler's checks.
[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall]
Marshall: Hey, babe. I've been thinking about our fight.
Lily: Yes?
Marshall: I'm really, really... surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet.
Lily: Wow. You really want to open this up again. Oh, I forgot, you open everything up, even if you're not supposed to until I'm dead.
Marshall: You know that is important to me. Why won't you just write the letter?
Lily: Because, I can't bear the thought of not being with you, not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter.
Marshall: Really?
Lily: Yes, really. Plus, I know as soon as I write it, you're just going to open it up and read it again.
Marshall: Lily, I won't, I promise.
Lily: Okay. I'll write you a letter for my death folder.
Marshall: Do you mind, um, maybe slipping in a little bit of dirty stuff, too?
Lily: I tell you what. How about I make it all dirty stuff and slip in a little clean stuff?
Marshall: You're the best. And maybe a couple polaroids?
[South of Bronx - Ted/Barney/Colleen/Lindsay]Ted: Come on. Let's get out of here. This night's a disaster.
Barney: What?! This night couldn't have gone any better. We've just survived a mugging. You know what that means.
Ted: "Thank God, we're alive" s*x.
Barney: "Thank God we're alive" s*x. It's even better than "I can't believe you just proposed to me" s*x, which I've only had, like, four of five times. Ted, please, we are so close.
Ted: All right. I'm in. I've never worked this hard for anything in my life.
(They join the girls)
Ted: Whew.
Lindsay: Wow. I think we all need to go back to our place and recover.
Colleen: Yeah. I just want to celebrate the fact that we survived. You know?
Barney: Mmm-mm. Me too. So where do you live?
Ted: What? West village?
Colleen: Close. West Orange.
Ted: West Orange? New Jersey?
Collee: Yeah.
Ted: You guys live in New Jersey, not New York?
Barney: Theodore.
Colleen: Yep.
Ted: New Jersey?
Barney: Teddy?
Colleen: Yeah. But don't worry, it's pretty much New York.
Ted: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Barney: Oh, no.
Ted: New Jersey is not "pretty much New York". You are not "pretty much new yorkers".
Colleen: And how would you know?
Ted: Because I live here. That's right. I live here. Yes, we're full of crap. Yes, we pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning. But you know what's even worse than that?! Saying you're a new yorker when you're not. Because, this is the greatest city in the world and you have to earn the right to call yourself a new yorker. So why don't you girls crawl into the open sewer pipe you call the Holland tunnel and flush yourselves back to "pretty much New York"? Because I will do a lot to get laid, but I am not going to New Jersey!
(Lindsay huffs)
Barney: (with an accent) You're not from Missouri? Well, I will be a monkey's unc...
Colleen: Ew. (To the Policeman) Can we get a ride?
Barney: Hey, um, sir, can we get ride, too?
Policeman: Newark, born and raised.
[Robin's Apartment (Bedroom) - Robin/Gael]
(Drumming) (Robin go to the living-room)
Robin: Can you please keep it down?
(There is another Robin... The other Robin sighs and stop drumming)
Robin #2: What happened to you, man? You said you wouldn't change, but look at you. No more tan, no more beaded braids, no more lush, untamed forest of leg and armpit hair. You're back at work. What gives?
Robin: Well. I have to have a job.
Robin #2: "I have to have a job", God, that's so american.
Robin: I'm canadian. You know that.
Robin #2: What about the important things like making your own jewerly and lying on the beach and thinking about peace? God, don't you care about thinking about peace?
Robin: Wow. I just realized something.
Robin #2: That you've lost your way.
Robin: No, that you really suck. You're boring and lame and you're getting sand everywhere. Seriously, where is all the sand coming from? You're not the real me. All you are is me on vacation trying to get away from a break-up.
Robin #2: Don't you remember Argentina?
(Drumming) (Robin #2 stand up and approach Robin)
Robin #2: Don't you want to go back?
Robin: What are you doing?
Robin #2: Shh. Let this happen.
(Robin #2 wants to kiss Robin)
(But it was just a dream...)
(Robin stand up very quickly and gasps. Drumming) (She go to her living-room, the travelers are here)
Robin: All right, everyone out! I said everyone out!
(Robin go to her bedroom, takes her guns and returns to the living-room)
(Drumming stops, panicked shouting)
All: All right, we're living, we're leaving, okay. Michael Moore was so right about americans.
(She returns to her bedroom and slam the door)
Robin: (yelling) I'm canadian!
(Gael wakes up)
Gael: Robin, are you okay?
Robin: No, I'm not. Listen, Gael, I need to talk to you about something.
Narrator: After they broke-up, Robin went back to being Robin.
[The Bar - Barney/Robin]
Barney: Welcome home, Scherbatsky.
Robin: Oh, good to be back. Although it's weird, vacation Robin popped into my dream again last night.
Barney: Listening.
Robin: This time we went all the way. Tell you one thing. She is maybe sandy but that chick knows what I like.
[The Apartment - Lily/Marshall]
Lily: Okay, I'm done... but I really don't want you reading this unless... you know, something happens. Can you swear to me you won't open it?
Marshall: Totally. What does it say?
Lily: Marshall, I'm serious.
Marshall: Okay. I promise I won't, I won't open that until you're dead.
Lily: Okay.
Narrator: And through 22 wonderful years of marriage, Marshall kept his promise.
[Title: The Year 2029]
[Marshall's desk - Marshall]
Narrator: Until November 1 of last year when, sadly...
(Marshall opens the letter)
Lily (voiceover): "Busted! I knew you'd read this. You suck, Marshall, you totally suck."
Marshall: That's it? I suck. Lily.
(Lily comes in)
Lily: Yes, you suck. You said you wouldn't read it and you did.
Marshall: Well, you didn't keep your promise either. I don't see any dirty pictures in here.
Lily: Oh, fine, I'll take the dirty pictures.
Marshall: I don't want 'em now.
Lily: What is that supposed to mean?
Marshall: What?! Nothing. Nothing. You're beautiful. I would love the photos. Have I told you how beautiful you look? | Plan: A: girls; Q: What do Barney and Ted want to meet? A: Robin; Q: Who begins to lose her relaxed self? A: Gael; Q: Who is Robin's boyfriend? A: his foreign charm; Q: Why do girls swoon for Gael? A: their death; Q: Marshall and Lily write letters that are to be read after what? A: Argentina; Q: Where did Robin go on vacation? Summary: After seeing girls swoon for Robin's boyfriend, Gael, because of his foreign charm, Barney and Ted try to pull themselves off as out-of-towners in order to meet girls. Marshall and Lily write letters which are to be read after their death, while Robin begins to lose her relaxed self she had when she vacationed in Argentina. |
( Rebekah rocks with Hope in a rocking chair at their new home while she tells Hope at story about their lives. She tells the story in voiceover as the scene cuts through various flashbacks to the previous season, including Klaus standing on the balcony overlooking the French Quarter, Francesca and her brothers attacking the vampires, Genevieve making the moonlight rings, Klaus being weakened by the rings drawing on his strength, and Hayley mourning Hope's "death" at the memorial for the fallen in the Battle of New Orleans )
Rebekah: [voiceover] Once upon a time, there was a majestic king, who lived with his noble brother in a kingdom where music and art were celebrated. The king did not foresee having a child, but he lived in an enchanted land where all things were possible. In time, he was blessed with a beautiful baby daughter, for whom he wished only peace. [Hope coos at Rebekah] Still, the king had demons who pursued him. There was a ruthless beast who wanted to take the kingdom for her own. Armed with a pack of untamed creatures, she drove the other magical creatures from the land. And, there was a wicked sorceress with enchanted stones that weakened the king every full moon. Seeing the shadow his enemies cast upon his home, the king was driven to send his beloved princess away, convincing all who remained that she was forever lost.
( Elijah locks the gates to the compound so they are no longer open to the public )
Rebekah: [voiceover] The king, in his sorrow, turned away from the world. The castle closed its doors, and the kingdom fell. Some say that the only light that shines in the castle illuminates the shadow of the once majestic king in the room meant for his child. But, as the ruthless beasts took rule over the fallen king's realm, little did they know that he and his brother would not rest until their enemies were vanquished. For, they believed that one day, they would heal their kingdom and bring their precious princess home, so that she might live happily ever after.
( Klaus stands at the window of Hope's nursery, looking down on the street, as Elijah approaches him from behind and places a comforting hand on his shoulder. Elsewhere, Rebekah lays Hope in her crib, setting Klaus' carved wooden knight next to her before turning out the lights and leaving her to sleep )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CREDITS ]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ OLMSTEAD FOUNDRY CO. ]
( Elijah and one of Francesca's lackeys are taking a tour of the abandoned foundry with a realtor and fighting over who gets to buy it )
Elijah: [walks around the building] Authentic cast -iron columns... Look at that, the original Bloomry forge, fueled by a charcoal furnace. [he notices a fire sprinkler system up in the ceiling] The modern elements blend quite nicely, indeed. My foundation has aligned itself with the city's Historical Preservation Society. We have a vested interest in seeing this building protected.
Guerrera Lackey: This place is a dump! The Guerrera family would be doing this city a favor.
( Elijah is about to speak when he notices the man is wearing a gold ring with a square black stone on his left hand )
Elijah: Well, unfortunately, under the Preservation Act of 1966, we cannot allow the Guerreras to demolish one of the city's original foundries... even if it is for something as noble and distinguished as a casino. [gestures toward the men to leave] So, thank you, gentleman. [smiles fakely] Do give my best to Francesca.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
( Klaus is listening to Mozart's [i]Requiem in D Minor K 626 -3 on a record player while he furiously tries to stretch a canvas over a wooden frame for a painting. When he tears through the canvas, he angrily throws the canvas across the room, just as Elijah returns from his meeting )[/i]
Klaus: [angry] AGHHHHHH!
Elijah: [picks up the canvas and inspects it] I suppose we shall have to call this your "white period."
Klaus: I'm missing a crucial color in my palette - that of my enemies' blood.
Elijah: Well, I recommend a Venetian red, with a dash of rust...
Klaus: [loses his temper] It's been months! I've adhered to our plan: sit and do nothing, sell our grief. And now, my child is safely away, and another full moon is upon us - another night of pathetic weakness as the moonlight rings steal my strength! [Elijah gives Klaus a sympathetic look, and Klaus calms down slightly] The nursery is killing me. I need to act. I -I -I need - I need to spill blood.
Elijah: Well, then, you'll be pleased to know that I've located the last of the twelve rings forged with your blood.
Klaus: [smiles weakly] Then, it's time!
Elijah: And none too soon. I'm concerned about Hayley.
Klaus: [tenses up and returns to sorting through his art] She looks well enough.
Elijah: She looks no better than you, brother. Now, if the two of you would treat each other as more than just... passing acquaintances -
Klaus: [interrupts] - She has you for that.
Elijah: Sadly, like the father of her child, she prefers to fight her demons alone.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE BAYOU ]
[Hayley roams around the former werewolf encampments in her wolf form for a while until finally shifting back into human form. She pulls her clothes off of the clothes line and quickly redresses before walking toward Dwayne's old shack. Outside in the grass, she finds a burnt and melted baby doll that was damaged in the explosions, and the sight of it nearly makes her cry]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MARCEL'S LOFT ]
( Marcel and Cami make love in his bed. Afterward, Marcel pours himself a drink downstairs and stares out the window looking out over the river. Cami, who has just redressed, joins him downstairs on her way out )
Marcel: What's the hurry?
Cami: I have to get back to campus. [she grabs her bag off of a chair] I have to meet my new advisor. Apparently, the one I was supposed to have dropped dead. Guy did triathalons, yet couldn't climb a flight of stairs.
Marcel: ...Will I see you later?
Cami: [sighs] Marcel, you know the deal. No strings, no plans.
Marcel: [forces himself to smile] I know, I know. Just feeling nostalgic, I guess.
( Marcel stares out the window, which Cami notices )
Cami: You're not missing anything over there. That bitch Francesca's got her werewolves on every corner. And, as usual, the humans in the know don't care as long as tourism money keeps rolling through.
Marcel: [sighs] Yeah... Gotta say, never thought I'd see the day the vampires were kicked out of the Quarter.
Cami: [smiles] And I never thought I'd be sleeping with one, so I guess life is full of surprises.
( Marcel smiles at her and kisses her on the cheek, but pulls away awkwardly and turns away )
Marcel: How's Klaus?
Cami: [hesitates] Nobody knows.
Marcel: Not even you?
Cami: Not even me.
Marcel: It doesn't make sense. The wolves attacked him in his home, took his town, probably killed his kid... I mean, why hasn't he struck back?
Cami: He's in mourning.
Marcel: No, no... if anyone can mourn and murder at the same time, it's him. Something's up. Just wish I knew what.
Cami: [looks concerned, and tries to cheer him up] I saw Davina... She's doing well. She's back in high school. She told her whole witch coven to shove it.
Marcel: [smiles and chuckles to himself] Good. Good girl.
Cami: [hesitates] Maybe it's better...? Just move forward, not hold onto things we can't change.
Marcel: [tenses] Yeah. Maybe.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SECOND LIFE VINYL SHOP ]
( Davina is at the record shop to pick up some records from the shop owner, Joe. Behind her, a young man browses through the crates of records )
Joe: [hands Davina a record] Here you go, Davina. Now, sometime you're gonna have to give me the low -down on why you're so hooked on ancient Icelandic folk music!
Davina: [laughs] It's for someone else.
Joe: I sure hope so!
( Davina turns to leave and runs into the young guy as he heads out the door. He stops and smiles at her before leaving, and Davina awkwardly smiles back at him. Before she can leave, Oliver enters the shop )
Oliver: [smiles] Hey there, cutie.
Davina: [unimpressed] Don't call me that.
Oliver: So, I heard that you ditched your coven. [picks up a record and examines it] That's too bad. That other Harvest girl, Cassie? She has been super helpful to all us wolves.
Davina: She's making you moonlight rings, Oliver. I wouldn't call that helpful, I'd call that an alliance.
Oliver: Well, you can call it whatever you want. As long as we don't have to turn on the full moon anymore, it works for me. [leans in closer and whispers] Look, I'd take off if I were you. Things are about to get a little ugly in here. [raises voice and shouts to the rest of the store patrons] Hey y'all, store's closed. Get out, now!
Joe: [confused] Hey, what are you doing?
Oliver: It's Joe Dalton, right? You see, I've been studying up on this store. It's been a staple of the Quarter for ninety years... it was run by you, your daddy, and then his daddy before him?
Joe: [tense] That's right.
Oliver: Yeah, you see, the thing is, Joe, there just ain't many photos of anyone in your family...[pulls out an old black and white photo of a young man] ...but you.
( Davina realizes he's a vampire, just as Joe realizes he's been outed )
Davina: Oliver, NO.
( Joe vamp -speeds toward the door, but he's blocked in by two more werewolves, all with moonlight rings )
Davina: Stop! Stop it! STOP IT!
( The werewolves wrestle with Joe and extend their fangs to bite him, when Davina hits them all with a mystical migraine, leaving Joe unhurt. They all fall to their knees before Joe can be bitten )
Davina: Joe, get out of here!
( Joe flees. Oliver winces and glares at Davina, still on his knees on the floor )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ FRANCESCA'S MANSION ]
[Francesca holds a meeting in her office with the eleven other werewolves with moonlight rings and Cassie, who is still secretly possessed by Esther]
Francesca: [aggravated] We have a deal, Cassie! Witches don't get in our way when it comes to killing vampires who enter the Quarter.
Cassie/Esther: [calm] Davina is not in our coven anymore. The rules don't apply to her.
Francesca: [enraged] Well, make them apply! [she paces around the office] Get everyone out of my face! They're here, hovering, all the time!
Oliver: They're just doing their job.
Francesca: Their job is to protect me from Klaus Mikaelson! Who, by the way, has not set foot outside his house in months! All this waiting... I'm losing my mind! [sees a pack member staring at her and freaks out] Anyone who's not paid to protect me, go! Get out!
( Cassie and the other werewolves leave the room. Cassie leaves the house and joins Vincent (still possessed by Finn), who is waiting for her outside )
Cassie/Esther: She's unraveling. Poor thing. Cracking under the pressure.
Vincent/Finn: I assume that was Elijah and Niklaus' goal all along?
Cassie/Esther: [smirks] Say what you will, they are impressive strategists.
Vincent/Finn: A trait they inherited from you, dear Mother.
Cassie/Esther: [laughs] I suppose they did, Finn. Francesca Guerrera will be her own undoing. Let's see how impressive your brothers are when they finally come up against me.
( Vincent/Finn nods in agreement, and the two continue to walk down the sidewalk )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE FRENCH QUARTER ]
( Cami walks down a street in the French Quarter after grabbing a coffee. As she walks, two werewolf lackeys of Francescas, both with moonlight rings, start following her. Cami quickly notices she's being followed and turns around to confront them )
Cami: It never gets old for you guys, does it? Like a couple of dogs with a bone. Tell Francesca I'm just trying to live a normal life. See if you can get that through her thick, canine skull.
( She waits for them to respond, but they just silently glare at her. She sighs )
Cami: Why do I bother? [hands her coffee to one of them] Here. Your regular extra sugar, right?
( Cami, annoyed, walks away without a second glance. Once she's put some distance between herself and the werewolves, her face begins to look worried )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
( Cami manages to sneak into the Abbatoir and looks around the courtyard for Klaus. She wanders through the covered -up furniture and heads for the stairs, but stops when she hears a noise )
Cami: Hello?
( She continues to look around and hears a whooshing sound nearby )
Cami: Klaus?
( She heads up the stairs, but stops when she senses someone behind her. She instinctively touches her neck. Klaus is behind her, looking sad )
Cami: [whispers] Klaus?
( She turns around, but Klaus is gone. Disappointed, Cami continues to ascend the staircase. When she reaches the top, Klaus can be seen staring at her from one of the balconies overlooking the courtyard, but he ducks out of view when Cami turns toward him )
Cami: Klaus, I know you're here somewhere. We need to talk.
Elijah: [appears out of nowhere] He doesn't wish to see you.
Cami: [startled] Ahh! Elijah. Where the hell did you come from?
Elijah: [unamused] I beg your pardon? Aren't you the one who is trespassing? [beat] He doesn't care much for conversation these days. And, he certainly wouldn't care for the fact that you've put yourself in danger by coming here.
Cami: [frustrated] I'm already in danger. I have Guerreras following me like it's a police state. The city's being run by gangsters, and you guys aren't doing anything about it. Marcel took them out a hundred years ago without any of you, don't you think he might be up for lending you a hand?
Elijah: [stares at her] Thank you for coming, Camille.
[He gestures toward the door to communicate he would like her to leave, and she reluctantly follows him before turning and stopping him]
Cami: I know your family is grieving. But I know you don't believe those rumors that Marcel killed the baby. So, if you want help taking down the Guerreras, you have a weapon across the river just waiting to be fired. Use it.
( Cami turns away and leaves, while Elijah watches her from the balcony. After a moment, Klaus joins him )
Elijah: [smiles] I like her spirit.
Klaus: [depressed] So do I.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ACROSS THE RIVER / MARCEL'S LOFT ]
( Marcel has just met up near the docks with Josh, who has brought him at least a dozen humans in which to look for potential vampire recruits )
Josh: [whispers to Marcel] Dude, come on! This is, like, the twentieth group I've brought you. There's gotta be a keeper in there somewhere.
Marcel: I'll be the judge of that
( Marcel gestures to Josh to go next door before he walks toward the group to address them )
Marcel: I know you're all wondering how you got here. Don't worry about that for now. Instead, I want you to think about your lives. [he approaches a young man and compels him] Don't be afraid. [he continues speaking to the crowd] Remember when you were a kid, and you felt like anything was possible? Then, you grew up, things didn't turn out like you planned. But still, there was that part inside of you that would dream. Maybe you wanted strength. Maybe you wanted to be a part of something, something bigger than yourselves. [looks at a young, tough -looking girl] Maybe you wanted to be a fighter. Have something worth fighting for. Maybe some of you even wanted to live forever. Well, you can have it! All of it. Because that's what being a vampire is all about.
( The young girl looks intrigued. Marcel approaches another man in the group )
Marcel: Oh, don't be afraid. What do you have to fear, when you can do this?
( Marcel picks up the man and throws him hundreds of feet into the air, where he is caught by Josh, who is standing on the top floor of a nearby building )
Josh: [smiles] I know! Pretty cool, right?
Marcel: When you leave here, you'll forget this. But somewhere, deep down, you'll know the offer still exists to join me. Be like me. And, only then, will you find your way back here. Because you want it. Because you need it.
( Josh and Marcel enter Marcel's loft, where they discuss their progress for the day )
Josh: My money's on the rocker chick.
Marcel: I wouldn't bet on it. We'll be lucky to get one from that group.
Josh: How can you tell? They all seem tough, what are you looking for?
Marcel: [pours them drinks] I'm not looking for tough guys, Josh. I'm looking for warriors.
Josh: [rolls his eyes] What's the difference?
( Klaus, who has just arrived, calls out from the doorway )
Klaus: A warrior fights for what they believe in. A warrior fights for his family.
( Klaus smiles at them, and after a moment, Marcel smiles back )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
( Elijah is in the middle of packing up Hope's nursery when Hayley finally returns home )
Hayley: [enters the room] What do you think you're doing, Elijah?
Elijah: Welcome back. What is it, the third night this week?
Hayley: [annoyed] I don't need a caretaker. Hybrids are invincible, right? What are you doing, Elijah?
Elijah: As we have discussed, our illusion needs to be flawless. Now, months have passed. It's the appropriate time.
Hayley: What's next on the "appropriate" list? Klaus and I hold our heads up high and say we're ready to try again?
Elijah: I understand this is difficult for you -
Hayley: [shouts] - What's difficult is knowing that Francesca Guerrera is still breathing after she was the one who plotted with the witches to kill my baby.
Elijah: You will have your vengeance, I promise you this.
Hayley: [glares at him] Well, until then, this is my room, and I'll tell you when it's appropriate to clean it out.
[Hayley, upset, moves out of the way so Elijah can leave the room]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ ST. ANNE'S CHURCH ]
( Mikael is pacing around the church's attic, listening to the Icelandic folk music Davina got for him, when he suddenly hears a noise and throws the indestructible white oak stake toward the door, where it embeds itself in the wall. Davina stands in the doorway and rolls her eyes )
Davina: [sighs] I don't know why you keep showing off. You know you can't hurt me.
Mikael: Oh, but the desire I have to do so.
( Davina holds her wrist in front of his face so he can feed on her )
Mikael: I am Mikael, the vampire who hunts vampires. Your young -thing blood does little to sustain me.
Davina: Feed.
( Mikael's eye veins involuntarily pop out, and he reluctantly bites down on her wrist and feeds )
Davina: [annoyed] Stop.
( Mikael pulls away, clearly annoyed, and wipes the blood from his mouth with his hands. He spots the bracelet around Davina's wrist and touches it )
Mikael: Oh, I wish I could rip this from you, break that which binds me to you, and complete the task for which you resurrected me - kill the b*st*rd who calls himself my son.
Davina: You can't take off the bracelet, and you can't kill Klaus. Not until I figure out how to save my friends from dying, too.
( Davina kneels next to a large trunk on the floor and opens it before pulling out Esther's grimoire )
Davina: I've studied their mother's spellbook for weeks. I'm getting close. Once I unlink my friends from Klaus' sire line, I will unleash you to be the monster that you are so eager to be.
Mikael: [smirks] Music to my ears, my little witch.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MARCEL'S LOFT ]
( Marcel and Klaus are drinking and playing Go while they discuss how to deal with taking back New Orleans )
Marcel: The wolves have the numbers. Back in 1925, the Guerrera pack was maybe a hundred. We went guerrilla warfare on their asses and wiped them out over a four day fight. [he places a stone on the Go board] But, we're not just talking about Guerreras now. They've had wolves coming in from packs all over.
Klaus: Well, we don't have to hit them all. Only the twelve with the rings that take me out every full moon.
Marcel: Wait, you want to find twelve rings? Go out and chop off the hands of every wolf you find 'til you get what you want! I mean, come on! You taught me that. [Klaus smiles and places a stone on the board] You and Elijah are stalling. Why?
Klaus: Because it's possible they're in possession of something very dangerous to us.
Marcel: [stunned] They have the stake that can kill you.
Klaus: It went missing... the night I lost my child. So, it's in play, and the thought of that makes me very nervous. Especially on nights like tonight.
( Klaus looks out the window, where the full moon can be seen in the sky. Marcel looks uncomfortable )
Marcel: Why would you tell me that?
Klaus: [suspicious] Depends. Do you have it?
Marcel: 'Course not. That kind of weapon does me no good. You die, I die, along with every vampire we've ever sired.
Klaus: [relieved] Well, then, perhaps you'd like to help me get it back? We attack the wolves, tonight, when the moon hits its apex. They won't expect it while I'm weak.
( Their conversation is interrupted by Joe, who has just arrived at Marcel's loft )
Joe: Hey, bad news or good news?
Marcel: [laughs and stands up] Klaus, Joe. Joe, Klaus. Now, you wanna talk Guerreras - nobody fought harder back in 1925 than Joe, here. Fought so hard he retired into retail, been keeping the peace ever since and living right under their noses.
Joe: [sits down on couch] Yeah, well, good news is, your order came in this morning. And, bad news? I got made. Your friend Davina saved my ass, but what's done is done. So, pour me a drink, and play me a song, because it's gonna be my last.
Marcel: Joe. Don't be dramatic. [he hands him a drink] Just head out of town 'til things blow over.
Joe: No way. I don't run from Guerreras.
Marcel: You don't leave, you won't have to. They'll sniff you out in a day.
Joe: Hey, let them come hunt me down! 'Cause I've had a good ride.
Klaus: [pleased] How would you like to get back in the fight, Joe?
Joe: [interested] So, what do you have in mind?
Klaus: I've been thinking about this whole thing the wrong way. The Guerrera pack loves to hunt. They're primal, alphas. I gave you my reason for not making a move these past few months - what, pray tell, is theirs?
Marcel: [smiles in realization] They don't have the stake. Well, then who the hell does?
Klaus: [shrugs] Well, tonight it doesn't matter. Because tonight, we're going on a wolf hunt!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
( Klaus has returned to the compound to discuss their plan with Elijah )
Klaus: We have the Guerreras where we want them. We have them waiting, we have them worried, and now, we know they're an army with no defenses against an Original.
Elijah: We don't know that for certain.
Klaus: I'm willing to gamble.
Elijah: It's too risky! The stake didn't just disappear, someone has it.
Klaus: [shrugs] One enemy at a time! In the end, we'll slay them all.
( Klaus sits down at the table, just as he feels one of the moonlight rings being activated to keep the wearer from turning, weakening him )
Klaus: Tonight, we just have to plant the right seeds, and for that, we need help.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SECOND LIFE VINYL SHOP ]
( Joe returns to his record store, only to find that Oliver and a group of werewolves with moonlight rings are waiting for him )
Oliver: [chuckles] You know, I am starting to think that you have a death wish.
Joe: Look, I just want to get my stuff and get out of town.
Oliver: [crosses his arms over his chest] And why would we let you do that?
Joe: [smirks] 'Cause I've got information that could be very useful to Francesca Guerrera.
( Oliver's smile falls, and he looks interested )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / GUERRERA MANSION ]
( Elijah, Hayley, and Klaus continue to plan their attack against the Guerreras that night )
Elijah: We're taking the twelve original rings. Now, four of them sit on the hands of the Guerrera brothers. One on Oliver, one on Francesca, three with the home security detail, and the rest scattered amongst her lackeys. Now, each ring is distinguishable by its setting - gauche, like those that wear them.
( AT THE GUERRERA MANSION, Joe has been brought to see Francesca by the werewolves, where he is giving them the information he claimed to have. Her fellow moonlight -ring -wearing werewolves and Cassie/Esther are there as well )
Joe: Klaus thinks you have the white oak stake.
Francesca: But, we don't!
Cassie/Esther: That doesn't matter, because if they think you have it, it means they don't know where it is.
Francesca: Do a spell. Find it. Now.
( Meanwhile, Klaus, Hayley, and Klaus continue to scheme )
Klaus: If they believe they can get their hands on the stake, they will come for me when I am weak. Each ring you retrieve will strengthen me, but I will still at a disadvantage.
Elijah: Ergo, any hope of our success depends entirely upon our working together. [looks at Hayley] The two of you can no longer afford to retreat to separate corners.
[Hayley looks over at Klaus, who sighs and stands up to look at her]
Klaus: This is our fight. Are you ready for battle, Hayley?
Hayley: Just promise me that Francesca doesn't come out of this alive.
Klaus: [smiles weakly] Her head will be delivered to you on a silver platter, little wolf.
Elijah: [goes to leave] I'll deal with the last piece of the puzzle.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ GUERRERA MANSION ]
( Cassie/Esther is doing a locator spell for the indestructible white oak stake, while Francesca paces around anxiously )
Cassie/Esther: [chants a spell] Learm filium akenbe exoculus. Vindi - [stops chanting and frowns] It's no good, I can't find it. It must be cloaked. I'd love to know by whom.
[Francesca becomes angry and glares at Joe]
Francesca: I'm afraid you'll have to tell us the whole story this time. Not just enough to keep yourself alive.
Joe: Francesca, I told you -
Francesca: [cuts him off] - And I'm telling you, give me something I don't already know, or you die right now. Spill, and you walk out that door. Who has the white oak stake?
Joe: [nervous] Rumor has it... it landed in the hands of the priest.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ CAMI'S APARTMENT ]
( The two Guerrera werewolf lackeys who followed Cami earlier have arrived at her home, where they're trashing her furniture to scare her into giving them information )
Cami: [furious] It's not enough I can't even go on a walk? And now you have to do this?
Guerrera Lackey 1: You know how to stop this. [picks up a lamp and smashes it on the floor] Where's the stake?
Cami: Fine. Whatever. [picks up a pad of paper and scribbles an address on it] Why do I care? This is not even my fight. [hands it to Lackey #1] There. That's where you'll find what you want. Now, all you need is my uncle's key.
Guerrera Lackey 1: And where is that?
Cami: [rolls her eyes in annoyance and grabs a key hanging on a key hook] Hiding in plain sight, genius.
( Cami hands him the key before opening her door and showing the two men out. When they leave, she leans against the door and sighs. Outside the nearby window, Elijah is seen standing guard to ensure Cami wasn't hurt in the confrontation. She nods at him, and he leaves )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / GUERRERA MANSION ]
( Klaus kneels on the floor of his art room, weakened, surrounded by canvases while he waits for the plan to begin )
[Francesca is outlining her own plan to her pack and Cassie/Esther]
Francesca: Klaus will be at his weakest for the next few hours. Once you retrieve the white oak stake, be ready to use it. [turns to Oliver] You take a group to the compound and subdue him while he's still weak.
Oliver: What about Elijah and Hayley? There's no way they'll leave his side tonight.
Francesca: [paces] Elijah can be weakened by our bites. As for Hayley... whoever rips out her heart gets a bonus!
( The pack members start to leave to fulfill their duties, but Oliver hangs back )
Oliver: And where will you be?
Francesca: Here, where it's safe. They're vampires! They can't get into the house without an invitation.
Oliver: So, we risk our lives while you hide?
Francesca: I'm the top dog! Your job is to ensure that the battle doesn't come to me!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ OLMSTEAD FOUNDRY CO. ]
( The two werewolves from Cami's apartment, along with several others, have arrived at the foundry, where Cami sent them to look for the white oak stake )
Guerrera Lackey 1: Start from the corners. Work the room from the outside in.
( As the men look around, they notice a dark figure vamp -speeding past them. They hear the noise and turn to find Marcel standing above them on a platform near the ceiling )
Guerrera Lackey 1: Huh, look what we have here.
( Marcel raises his hands in a non -threatening pose, distracting them while Josh quickly exits the building and locks the doors, trapping them inside )
Marcel: I know your boss wanted to buy this place, but... I've been stockpiling wolfsbane for months, and I just really needed a place to store it!
( Marcel pulls a lighter from his pocket and lights it before holding it near one of the overhead sprinkler system, causing it to spray wolfsbane -infused water down on the werewolves. Their skin burns from the exposure to wolfsbane, causing them to scream in pain. They desperately try to break through the doors to escape, but they can't. Marcel pushes Lackey #1 against the door and slices his fingers off, including the one with the moonlight ring )
Marcel: I'm gonna need that!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND / GUERRERA MANSION ]
( AT THE COMPOUND, Klaus, still kneeling on the floor, gasps in relief as he begins to gain some of his strength back from the lackey losing his ring. He smiles and rolls his neck. Meanwhile, many of the Guerrera werewolves, including Oliver, invade the compound and quickly split up. Two of the werewolves head for one of the staircases, where Hayley vamp -speeds toward them and snaps both of their necks instantly. She slips each of their rings off of their fingers, and Klaus, having regained more strength, smirks and grabs his palette off of the nearby easel. )
( AT THE MANSION, Francesca is sitting at her desk, filling out paperwork, while two of her brothers sit across from her, watching her boredly. She looks up at them and rolls her eyes before returning to her work. Suddenly, one of the werewolves is thrown past the window behind her, and the three stand up to see what is happening. Just then, a large amount of blood splatters against the window, indicating that someone has begun taking out her security detail. Outside the house, Elijah is sitting on the side of a fountain while he breaks off the moonlight -ring finger of the man's hand and places it in his pocket square )
( AT THE COMPOUND, Klaus, growing ever stronger, smiles widely as he grabs a handful of paintbrushes off of an end table )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ OLMSTEAD FOUNDRY/MIKAELSON COMPOUND/GUERRERA MANSION ]
( AT THE FOUNDRY, Marcel is still fighting with the Guerrera werewolves, who are still severely burned from the wolfsbane water that is raining down on them. He sees the ring on the second lackey's hand and rips his entire arm off of his body )
( AT THE COMPOUND, Klaus gasps in relief as he gets even stronger from the loss of the most recent ring, and smiles. He sets down a canvas as he prepares to paint, and takes a paintbrush in each hand, holding them in a defensive manner )
( AT THE GUERRERA MANSION, Francesca's security detail rushes outside of the house, where they find a cheerful Elijah waiting for them )
Elijah: [smiles] Good evening!
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
[Hayley has just finished removing the other ring from the werewolf she killed when many more Guerrera wolves find her and crowd around her. Hayley tenses as she takes in the threat, noticing a moonlight ring on the finger of one of the female security guards]
Hayley: Have I mentioned that I've had a rotten couple of months?
[Hayley's hybrid face comes out, and she lunges for the crowd]
( Upstairs, two Guerrera wolves have made their way to Klaus' study, where they see him kneeling weakly on the floor. Sensing that they're approaching, Klaus flips the paintbrushes in his hands and waits until they get closer. Downstairs, Hayley has removed the ring from the female security guard's hand, returning more strength to him. Once they're close, Klaus smiles and quickly turns to forcefully throw the paintbrushes toward them, impaling the wolves in their throats and killing them )
( Oliver slowly walks around the downstairs of the compound, but is quickly found by Hayley, who violently beats him up before slamming him against the wall )
Hayley: You think you're strong because of that ring you wear? You're NOTHING. We were strong, we were part of a pack, and you ruined it.
[Hayley pulls the ring off his finger]
( Upstairs, Klaus drags the bodies of the two werewolves he killed toward the canvas he laid on the floor, smiling as he does so )
( Downstairs, Hayley holds Oliver's ring in front of his face )
Hayley: If I see you with one of these again, I will kill you myself.
( Upstairs, Klaus happily dips his paintbrush into the wounds of the corpse's neck and uses his blood as paint while he works on his newest painting )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ GUERRERA MANSION ]
[Francesca and her brothers walk toward the front door just as another large splatter of blood lands on the frosted glass windows. They look alarmed as the door opens by itself, just before a severed head is thrown through the doorway, where it rolls into the foyer and lands at Francesca's feet. Alarmed, Francesca and her brothers slowly approach the door, where Elijah is waiting for them on their front porch. He wipes his bloody hands on a pocket square, and Francesca tries to play it cool]
Francesca: [fake smiles] Hmm. [turns to her brothers] It's fine! He can't come in.
Elijah: [amused] Can't I?
Francesca: [laughs] Don't bluff me! You can't win.
Elijah: [smiles] You mobsters all suffer from such hubris. [Francesca raises her eyebrows at him] Did you know Al Capone thought himself invincible back in his day? And, in the end, he was sentenced to the wretched filth of Alcatraz, for which of his atrocities? Anyone? A failure to pay his taxes! I suppose the devil's in the details, isn't it? [he looks around the inside of her mansion] My, my, you have a beautiful home, here. [Francesca looks at her brother nervously] I was so pleased when the city took my suggestion to protect its heritage status and invoke imminent domain. [Francesca's smirk fades in horror] I suppose that means this house now belongs to the public. And, as such, anyone can enter without invitation.
[Francesca watches in fear as Elijah take a dramatic step forward over the threshold. He smirks as Francesca and her brothers stand defensively and prepare to fight.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON MANSION ]
( Klaus is continuing to paint with the blood of the werewolves he killed, as Elijah returns to the compound and joins him )
Klaus: I'm still not at full strength. Which of the rings are unaccounted for?
Elijah: Only one. I must say, the brothers fought valiantly before Ms. Guerrera escaped.
Klaus: [turns to look at Elijah, shocked] You let her get away?
Elijah: ...Not exactly.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ BACKROADS OF NEW ORLEANS ]
[Francesca is desperately speeding down the road in her attempt to flee town before the Mikaelsons can kill her. She anxiously turns around to see if anyone is following her, but when she turns back, she sees someone (Hayley) standing in the middle of the road and slams on her brakes. When Francesca finally stops, she looks up again, but Hayley is gone. Suddenly, her car door is pulled open, and Hayley rips her from inside the vehicle]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MARCEL'S LOFT ]
( Marcel is having a drink and listening to jazz music on his record player when Josh returns to the loft )
Josh: [panicked] Marcel! They got Joe.
Marcel: [sighs, disappointed] Joe knew what he was getting himself into.
Josh: [confused] So, what? "Hey, come on, join our team? Your reward will be your death?"
Marcel: [rolls his eyes] Here's what you gotta understand. Vamps like Joe? They know what it feels like in the battle, and what it feels like to sit on the sidelines. Joe sat it out for a long time, but when the fight came to him, he got back in. Because he'd rather die on his feet than live on his knees. That's a warrior.
Josh: [hesitates] Wh -What are we fighting for?
Marcel: Me? I'm fighting for my home. For the dignity of the vampires who were run out of there. [stands up to look him in the eye] The question is, what are you fighting for?
Josh: [sighs] That's the problem! I have no idea! The wolves took over the Quarter. We beat them back today, they'll fight us back tomorrow. It's nuts! And all for a few measly blocks of real estate?
Marcel: [hands Josh a drink] I was born here in a time far more shameful than now. And even then, this city was worth fighting for. My blood runs through the gutters of this city, along with the blood of my closest friends. And yeah, Klaus and I fought side -by -side against the Guerreras. But, you know, before long, he's gonna want to be king of the wolves. His blood runs deep, here, too. [Josh looks guilty. Marcel gestures toward the record player] You hear that? That is the first, last, and only album that my friend Thierry Vanchure ever made. It could have only been made here. [Josh smiles in understanding] We're not fighting for real estate, we're fighting for the soul of this city.
( The rocker girl from earlier, Gia, wanders into Marcel's loft, looking confused. Marcel and Josh immediately stare at her )
Gia: Hello? [sees Marcel and Josh] Hi. I'm sorry. Uh, this is weird. I just kind of found my way here?
( Josh looks over at Marcel and smiles. Marcel smiles back )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
[Hayley has just returned home and is frantically destroying the furniture, completely overwhelmed by her various emotions. Elijah hears the commotion and runs up to see what is going on]
Elijah: Hey! Hayley! Please!
( Elijah tries to grab her arms to settle her down, but Hayley backs away from him. Elijah looks at her in concern and worry )
Hayley: [exhausted] I killed her.
[Flashback to earlier, when Hayley killed Francesca by biting her neck and feeding on her to death]
Hayley: Francesca looked me in the eye and begged me for her life as I tore her apart. But I don't feel better! I don't feel peace! I don't feel ANYTHING.
Elijah: It's perfectly natural given what you're experiencing -
Hayley: Nothing about what I am, Elijah, is NATURAL!
Elijah: [trying to calm her] As a hybrid, you will begin to experience feelings with a greater intensity. It will take time to master control.
Hayley: [shakes her head] I don't want to live like this, Elijah. I hate it! When I was living with the Crescents in the Bayou, I finally understood the... purity of being a wolf... the nobility. [beat] I killed eight wolves tonight before I got to Francesca. Eight of my own people. What's noble about that? I acted no better than a...
Elijah: [saddened] ...Than a vampire?
Hayley: [whispers] Everything has changed. And not just for me. [she walks toward him] I saw the way you looked at me before. And, I see the way you look at me now. I was a mother, and now I'm a monster. [Elijah looks at her with sympathy] Things are different now. You can't tell me that they're not.
( She waits for him to say something, but he remains silent. She leaves the room )
Elijah: Hayley!
( She doesn't stop or turn back. Elijah stands in the nursery alone and thinks about what has happened )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ SECOND LIFE VINYL SHOP ]
( Davina walks over to the record shop, only to find that it has closed due to Joe's death. She looks sad as she reads the sign. Behind her, the young man she saw at the store the previous day walks up behind her )
Young Man: Aw, this sucks. [Davina turns to look at him] No trades today. I mean, it's worse for you, of course - guy had the market cornered on the ancient Icelandic folk scene.
Davina: [laughs] Those weren't for me!
Kaleb: [chuckles, and holds out his hand] I'm Kaleb.
Davina: [shakes his hand] Davina.
Kaleb: Wow. Cool name! Terrible taste in music. You obviously need me. [smiles]
( Davina looks slightly awkward, but still smiles at him )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON MANSION ]
( Klaus and Elijah are destroying the stones from the rings )
Klaus: Could you not just take a sledgehammer to them?
Elijah: These were forged by a witch, brother. And, as such, only the elements of fire and water can destroy them.
[Elijah rolls up his sleeves and gathers a pitcher of water and a stone bowl with burning charcoal in it[
Elijah: I'd have thought this would have brought you greater pleasure.
Klaus: [depressed] As would I. This was my fault. All of it. [Elijah looks at him in surprise] If I had just accepted Hayley's pregnancy instead of... [his voice breaks] playing king... I should have listened to you. Instead, my greed and my envy robbed me of my daughter. My actions led to the release of the weapon that can kill not just me, but you.
Elijah: In a thousand years, I've survived your attempts to destroy me, brother. [he gathers up the stones and drops them in the bowl with the burning charcoal] I imagine I can survive this.
Klaus: [confused] You chase my redemption, like a man rolling a stone up an endless mountain.
Elijah: [picks up the pitcher and pours it over the stones and charcoal, destroying them] Well, no mountain is endless, brother. Some are just steeper than others.
( Klaus stares in the bowl, where the stones have broken apart, revealing small drops of Klaus' blood )
Elijah: As much as I would like to be the one to comfort Hayley in this moment, I believe that only you can understand her grief.
Klaus: We lost our child... I mean, what could I possibly say to ease her pain?
Elijah: [places a comforting hand on Klaus' shoulder] Whatever she needs to hear.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MARCEL'S LOFT ]
( Marcel and Cami are laying in Marcel's bed after another round of hooking up )
Cami: Do you think things will be better in the Quarter, now?
Marcel: No. But, it was nice fighting with Klaus for a change.
Cami: I'm sorry about Joe. The guy was brave.
Marcel: [smiles and turns toward her] So were you.
Cami: [looks uncomfortable] Doesn't matter. This has to stop, Marcel. Us. The deeper I'm in it with you, the deeper I'm into everything, and... I have to get my certification, I have to help human people with their human problems. And, I can't do that if I keep letting myself get pulled back in. I'm sorry. This has to end.
( Cami gets out of bed to get dressed, leaving Marcel alone in his bed )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ MIKAELSON COMPOUND ]
[Hayley and Klaus sit in one of the living rooms and talk]
Klaus: It will get better.
Hayley: When? I'm immortal now. If I can't get through today, how am I supposed to get through forever?
Klaus: [sighs and hesitates before speaking] You know, over the years, I've had my share of friends, enemies, lovers, losses, and triumphs. With time, they all begin to run together. But, you will find that the real moments are vibrant. The rest just fades away. Your pain will fade.
Hayley: Not until I can hold my baby in my arms again.
Klaus: And so you shall. But, in order to do that, we need to regain control of the city. Now, we worked separately to unite those wolves. We can work together to do it again. They don't need to be our enemies.
Hayley: After ambushing them, they're not going to want to be our friends, Klaus.
Klaus: You waged a just war on those who would harm your child! Not only will they respect you, they will answer to you!
Hayley: Why would they do that now?
Klaus: [smiles] Because you're their queen.
Hayley: What about all our other enemies? The witches don't stop even after they're dead.
Klaus: We defeated my mother and her witches because we stood united. [he gets up to sit next to Hayley on the couch] That is how we will face all our enemies. As a family.
( Klaus takes her hand in his and squeezes it comfortingly. Hayley smiles a small smile, and Klaus smiles back )
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ THE FRENCH QUARTER ]
( Vincent/Finn is sitting at a table outside a cafe and orders a pastry before Cami crosses the street to join him )
Cami: Mr. Griffith?
Vincent/Finn: Hey!
Cami: [holds out her hand to shake his] Cami. I can't thank you enough for sponsoring my supervised residency.
Vincent/Finn: Please, call me Vincent! [gestures to her to sit down]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ COVEN HOUSE ]
( Cassie/Esther and Vincent/Finn are meeting to discuss their progress )
Cassie/Esther: Did she buy it?
Vincent/Finn: Entirely. The humans are weak. [he holds his hand over a candle's flame] Their bodies are so strange. I'd forgotten what it feels like to be this vulnerable.
Cassie/Esther: At least you're not stuck in the body of a teenager.
( Kaleb enters the room )
Kaleb/Kol: Well, I love my body, Mother. I'm pretty sure Davina Claire does, too! [he sits down at the table with them]
Cassie/Esther: Don't be purile. We have work to do. Your brothers did me a favor by killing Francesca. Now, I will control the witches and the werewolves. With the vampires in exile, we can begin to take root in our new home. Finn, Kol, let's get to work! We have a family reunion to plan.
( Cassie/Esther looks over at Vincent/Finn and Kaleb/Kol, and smiles ) | Plan: A: months; Q: How long did Klaus spend in his compound? A: Elijah and Marcel; Q: Who does Klaus enlist to help him plot revenge against the Guerrera werewolves? A: Elijah; Q: Who watches helplessly as Hayley spirals downward? A: Marcel; Q: Who is still reeling over the destruction of his vampire family? A: a threat; Q: What does Klaus vow to take down anyone who poses what to baby Hope's existence? A: Hayley; Q: Who is mourning the loss of her daughter? A: her new hybrid status; Q: What is Hayley struggling to adapt to? A: the French Quarter; Q: Where do the Guerrera werewolves control? A: his home; Q: What is Marcel trying to rebuild with Josh? A: her life; Q: What is Cami trying to regain some normalcy in? A: a surprising place; Q: Where does Cami seek comfort? A: the mysterious, yet charming Kaleb; Q: Who does Davina meet who gets her sidetracked from her plan to use Mikael against Klaus? A: a few secrets; Q: What does Kaleb have of his own? Summary: After months of being holed up inside his compound, Klaus enlists the help of Elijah and Marcel in plotting his revenge against the Guerrera werewolves, and vows to take down anyone who poses a threat to baby Hope's existence. Elijah watches helplessly as Hayley spirals downward while mourning the loss of her daughter and struggling to adapt to her new hybrid status. Exiled by the Guerrera werewolves, who now control the French Quarter, Marcel is still reeling over the destruction of his vampire family, and attempts to rebuild his home with the help of Josh. Elsewhere, Cami, who is attempting to regain some normalcy in her life, seeks comfort in a surprising place. Last, Davina continues her plan to use Mikael against Klaus, but gets sidetracked when she meets the mysterious, yet charming Kaleb, who holds a few secrets of his own. |
[EXT. SKY (STOCK) - DAY]
(Sun slowly rises.)
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
(Various voice overs of several radio announcers dissolving one over of the other.)
Announcer (man): (V.O.) It's going to be a scorcher and ...
Announcer (woman): (V.O.) In Las Vegas, the temperature is already 108 degrees.
Announcer (man): (V.O.) Get yourself off to the tap and keep yourself drinking all day along
Announcer (woman): (V.O.) It's so hot, you could cook an egg on a sidewalk ...
Announcer (man): (V.O.) A record number of heat stroke victims.
Announcer (woman): (V.O.) ... no relief in sight.
[SCENE_BREAK]
BLUR INTO:
(A woman slowly makes her way to her parked car. She puts her drink down on the car trunk and reaches into her bag to get her keys. She looks around and something catches her eye. She sees a baby in the baby seat in the back seat of a car.)
(She gets closer for a better look. Once she realizes that it is a baby, she cries out to get help. A small crowd gathers around at the commotion.)
Woman: Help! I need help!
Man: Ma'am, you all right?
Woman: There's a baby inside the car!
Man: Where are your keys?
Woman: It's not my car. Help! Somebody help us!
(A MAN gets a KID'S skateboard and rushes back to the car.)
Man: Get back! Get back!
Woman: Help!
(The MAN smashes the skateboard in through the car window. The broken glass shatters onto the unmoving baby inside.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. PARKING LOT -- LATER]
(EMERGENCY PERSONNEL are gathered around the car.)
(GRISSOM and CATHERINE make their way to the car. BRASS sits inside looking for the car ownership papers.)
Brass: Registration's not here. This is the shopping plaza. Mother can't be too far.
(CATHERINE peers in through the window.)
Catherine: When are parents going to learn a car is not a baby-sitter?
(GRISSOM looks at the thermometer. It reads: 108.2F.)
Grissom: 108 degrees outside.
Brass: You want to document the inside temperature?
(BRASS opens the back door and GRISSOM puts the thermometer inside the car. He shuts the car door.)
Brass: How many of these have we had this year?
Catherine: I lost count after ten.
Grissom: This one makes twelve.
(A man walks toward the car to see what the commotion is about.)
Paul Winston: Hey, that's my car. Look, what the hell is going on? Hey, that's my car. What are they doing? Did somebody break in to my car?
Brass: I'm Detective Brass, Las Vegas Police. Sir, do you have a son?
(PAUL WINSTON looks at BRASS as it occurs to him.)
Paul Winston: Oh, god! Joshua!
(GRISSOM reaches back into the car and checks the thermometer. It reads:
145.0F.)
Grissom: 145 degrees inside the car.
(GRISSOM turns and looks at PAUL WINSTON, in agony over his son.)
SMASH CUT TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS DESERT (STOCK) - DAY]
(Various voice over's of radio announcers.)
Announcer 1 (man): (V.O.) There is an advisory ...
Announcer 2 (woman): (V.O.) Stay in ...
Announcer 3 (man): (V.O.) ... make sure you wear a hat and drink plenty of liquids ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY]
(CATHERINE and DAVID PHILLIPS peer in to the back seat of the car. CATHERINE takes pictures while DAVID PHILLIPS does his paperwork.)
Catherine: If it's not babies in cars, it's babies in swimming pools. It's that time of year.
David Phillips: Body's fully rigid. Normally, I'd say the infant's been dead for a couple of hours, but in this weather, it's possible the infant died no more than an hour ago. I'm all through, Catherine.
Grissom: I brought a sheet. All these Looky-loo's, I think we'd better treat this like the baby's still alive.
(CATHERINE puts her camera down and reaches for the baby. She takes the baby out of the car, stands, allows GRISSOM to wrap the sheet around the baby, then she carries the baby over to the CORONER'S van. She steps inside, puts the baby on the gurney, straps the baby in, steps out of the van and shuts the doors.)
(The CORONER'S van leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAKE (STOCK) - DAY]
Ranger Stone: I spotted her from my boat during a routine patrol.
Sara: Two prints and drag marks. Did you move her?
Ranger Stone: Had to. Didn't want her floating away.
(Quick flashback to: The two officers drag the body out of the water and up the bank to higher ground. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nick: Short shorts. Rock soft shoes. Dressed for sport.
Sara: No sign of bloating.
Nick: Chances are she's been dead less than twenty-four hours.
Sara: Her neck looks been broken, her head split, but there's no coat of foam.
Ranger Stone: No what?
Nick: Uh, we have air in our lungs, add water, you have foam.
Sara: It means she didn't drown.
Officer: Well, drownings not the only way to die out here.
(SARA looks around the area.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM -DAY]
(BRASS interviews PAUL WINSTON while CATHERINE watches from the OBSERVATION ROOM.)
Paul Winston: I was supposed to drop Joshua off at Day Care. My wife usually brings him on the way to work. It was a hectic morning. My cell phone was going off. Problems at the office.
(Quick flashback to: [CAR (MOVING) - DAY] PAUL WINSTON is on his cell phone.)
Paul Winston: Look, I don't care how much pressure we get from the finance here. Will you hold on a second, I have another call.
(PAUL WINSTON presses his cell phone button and starts on the next call.)
Paul Winston: Yeah, sorry, I can't do this right now. I'm driving. Hold all the calls. Tell them, they have to wait.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Paul Winston: I forgot he was in the backseat.
Brass: How could you forget?
Paul Winston: I'm not the one who drives him. Vicky does that.
(BRASS glances over at the mirrors. On the other side, CATHERINE watches the interview.)
Paul Winston: I was distracted. My job consumes so much of my mind.
Brass: What kind of job do you have?
Paul Winston: I'm an agent for the Gaming Commission. It's a twenty-five hour a day job, eight days a week.
Brass: Your wife work?
Paul Winston: She works as much as me. Joshua made it all worth while.
Brass: Where's your wife now?
Paul Winston: She's in L.A. on business. How am I going to tell her?
(PAUL WINSTON puts his head in his hands.)
(Camera holds on CATHERINE.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(NICK and SARA go over the body. NICK snaps photos while SARA takes off something from the WOMAN'S scalp.)
(Camera zooms in for a close up.)
Sara: Green ... something.
(NICK snaps more photos.)
Nick: No birthmark. No scars, no tattoos.
(NICK looks and sees an indention under the wrap around the WOMAN'S waist. He reaches out to check and finds a key for locker #28.)
Nick: I got a locker key.
(He looks at it. They continue working.)
Sara: You put in for the promotion, huh.
Nick: Yeah, yeah. Last week. I still haven't heard anything about it.
Sara: Yeah, neither have I.
(DAVID PHILLIPS walks in.)
David Phillips: Hey, you ready for me?
Nick: It's all yours.
(NICK leaves.)
Sara: Heard you had a rough morning.
David Phillips: I've had better.
(DAVID removes the shoes from the WOMAN'S feet. He starts to wash the body and finds something unusual. SARA notices the bluish tinge to the WOMAN'S lips.)
David Phillips: Sara, take a look at this. What is that?
Sara: I don't know.
(They share a look. DAVID shrugs.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DAY]
(The x-rays are spread out on the table as ROBBINS talks with SARA and NICK.)
Robbins: You were right about your dead swimmer. She didn't drown. Cause of death was a culpable fracture of the neck, C1-C2.
(ROBBINS reaches out and points to the area on the x-ray on the table.)
Sara: From the blow to the head.
Robbins: Probably. Cerebral contusions beneath the skull fracture. Savage hit.
Nick: Greg processed the sexual assault kit. Positive for semen.
Robbins: There were no physical findings for rape. Not a lot to go on here. Gastric lumen contained dark, pasty material, maybe slightly digestive meat, stringy vegetable matter.
(NICK'S cell phone rings. He moves aside to answer it.)
Sara: Does it give us a timeline?
Robbins: Emptying rates vary from person to person, but I estimate that she ate two to four hours before death.
Nick: (b.g.) Hello. Yeah. All right. Good.
(NICK hangs up.)
Nick: Ranger Stone came through. We found our locker.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(CATHERINE turns the corner.)
Jeffrey Sinclair: Ms. Willows. Chief Deputy D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair.
(They shake hands.)
Catherine: mm-hmm. Personal visit. Must be important.
Jeffrey Sinclair: It is. Joshua Winston. The dead infant.
Catherine: We're working on it.
Jeffrey Sinclair: How long was the baby left inside the car?
Catherine: Based on the time of death, uh, we estimate roughly an hour. The 9-1-1 call came in 11:30 in the morning.
Jeffrey Sinclair: Okay. And what time does Paul Winston start work?
Catherine: According to Captain Brass ... uh, ten a.m.
Jeffrey Sinclair: Hour and a half. Come on. I got a three year old at home and I've left him inside in a covered garage with groceries two minutes tops. But two hours in this heat?
Catherine: I know. It's a tragedy.
Jeffrey Sinclair: You know, cases like these almost never see the inside of a court room, but this one will.
Catherine: Is there any worse punishment than losing your child?
Jeffrey Sinclair: Yeah, jail time. I want him behind bars so the next time a parent steps away from their vehicle in triple degree heat, they check the backseat before they lock the door.
Catherine: Doesn't change my job.
Jeffrey Sinclair: Look, I need you guys to thoroughly document this case. I don't want any more surprises in court. So, from the car to the kid, just try to cross your T's and dot your I's, okay?
(JEFFREY SINCLAIR steps away.)
Catherine: I always do.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE -- NIGHT]
(CATHERINE and GRISSOM check the car out.)
Catherine: Car seat's fastened correctly. Most aren't.
(CATHERINE removes the car seat.)
Catherine: Hey, Gil. Look at this. What do you think?
Grissom: uhm ... nothing.
Catherine: Exactly. There's no indentations in the leather.
Grissom: Well, maybe this wasn't the primary vehicle for transporting the baby.
Catherine: Yeah. Same thing the father said.
(GRISSOM sees something.)
Grissom: What is that?
(CATHERINE looks and sees the drops.)
Catherine: I don't know.
(She takes a swab of it and tests it for blood.)
Catherine: Negative for blood.
(GRISSOM sighs.)
Catherine: What are you thinking?
Grissom: (shakes his head) I don't get people.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) -- DAY]
Announcer (man): (V.O.) It's still hot out there folks.
Announcer (man): (V.O.) If you have to be outside, please, take your water bottle.
Announcer (woman): (V.O.) Take the advice and drink plenty of fluids.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JONES' RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(WARRICK takes pictures as he walks around the dead body. He looks up as GRISSOM enters the room.)
Warrick: (surprised) You with me?
Grissom: I am now. Catherine's doing the baby case. It's hot in here.
Warrick: Oh, yeah.
(WARRICK takes more pictures of the scene around the body.)
Warrick: Super came in and checked the a/c and he found him like this. Wesley Jones. 33. His massage chair. No signs of forced entry.
Grissom: It doesn't appear that robbery was a motive.
Warrick: Small bruise on the fingertip, but no outward signs of trauma.
(WARRICK takes more pictures.)
Grissom: I had a case once where a soda can was the murder weapon. Suspect used it to bash in the victim's head.
(GRISSOM looks around the room as WARRICK takes a picture of the soda can.)
Warrick: Diet shake, fitness magazines, cookie crumbs on a baking sheet. This guy's trying to start a diet or falling off one?
Grissom: He's got a workout schedule. And today? Three-mile run. Fat metabolizers containing ephedra. Scorching heat and ephedra? That's not good.
(Quick flashback of: WESLEY JONES walking through his apartment, wobbly and woozy. He gets a drink out of the refrigerator and makes his way to his chair. He sits down, then has problems breathing. He lays back and dies. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Warrick: Sounds like a heat stroke to me.
Grissom: Yeah. Feel the burn.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB -- DAY]
(CATHERINE walks into the lab.)
Catherine: Hey, Greg.
Greg: Hey.
Catherine: How are we doing on that swab?
Greg: Ah, should be ready any minute. Another baby. I hear the D.A.'s really gunning for the father. What do you think they're going to charge him with? Murder?
Catherine: Not likely. Child endangerment. Child neglect. Child abuse.
Greg: Sounds like a slap on the wrist to me.
Catherine: You and the D.A. can shake hands.
(The printer prints the results.)
Catherine: Your print out's ready.
Greg: The red stain in the car ... prophenerine malaeise.
Catherine: Cough syrup.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAKE -- DAY]
(NICK reaches into the open locker and takes out some chips. He hands the chips to SARA.)
Nick: Dollar slots.
Sara: Is there truly no place left in Las Vegas without slot machines?
(He takes out the other contents of the locker. He hands the bag to SARA while he checks the wallet.)
Nick: University student ID. Sophia Renatta, 20 years old.
Sara: And a guy's wallet. No credit card. No driver's license.
(SARA pulls out a t-shirt from the bag.)
Sara: Oh, this is too big for Sophia. It's double extra large.
Nick: Well, that's certainly a guy's. Could be a boy-friend's ... beach buddy ... ?
Sara: Suspect?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAKE - DAY - SHORT TIME LATER]
(NICK and SARA interview the OWNER of a WAVERUNNER RENTAL.)
Rental Owner: Yeah, I remember her and her punk in shining armor.
Nick: He wasn't a cool guy?
Rental Owner: He stiffed me. Twice, bro. Rented a waverunner, didn't bring it back, and that cheap-assed plastic got a two-pay limit. I'm out five grand.
Sara: Ouch.
Nick: They look like a couple to you?
Rental Owner: She was a pretty girl with a problem. He knew and in when he saw one.
(Quick flashback to: SOPHIA RENATTA tries to rent a waverunner.)
Rental Owner: You got a credit card?
Sophia Renatta: No.
Rental Owner: No? We got a line here, why don't' you step aside ...
(A MAN steps up to the front of the line.)
Mark Young: Maybe, I can help?
(He and SOPHIE look at each other and smile.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nick: So, you think they just met?
Rental Owner: I'll bet. Something must've been in the air.
Sara: We're going to need the rental log, if you don't mind.
Rental Owner: Go crazy.
Sara: Thanks.
Nick: Thanks.
(SARA takes the log book and they both step back from the dock.)
Sara: Here it is. Mark Young. Checked out the Waverunner. 11:45, but he and Sophia didn't hit the water till 2:15.
Nick: Well, if he did just meet her, he's a pretty smooth operator. Bailed her out, bought her lunch, and still had some coins left over to play the slots.
Sara: Classic lake date.
(They turn around to look at the waverunner on the water.)
(Quick flashback to SOPHIE and MARK on the waverunner. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: Boy meets girl. Girl ends up dead.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(CATHERINE and BRASS interview VICKY WINSTON.)
Catherine: Mrs. Winston.
Vicky Winston: I asked my husband to do one thing. One thing. I got up early, I fed Joshua, I got him changed, dressed. All he had to do was drop him off.
Catherine: You flew to Los Angeles, Mrs. Winston?
(VICKY WINSTON sighs.)
Vicky Winston: I had business in Anaheim. I'm in Horticulture. My company is designing a garden for a new hotel.
Brass: How'd you get to the airport?
Vicky Winston: I drove my car.
Catherine: I presume you have a babyseat in your vehicle.
Vicky Winston: Of course, it's the law. I put it in Paul's car before I left.
(Quick flashback to: VICKY WINSTON carries the car seat over to PAUL'S car and puts it in the back seat. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: Ms. Winston, did Joshua have a cold?
Vicky Winston: He had a slight cough. There was a bug going around in day care.
Catherine: Did you give him anything for it?
Vicky Winston: Cough syrup. Last night.
Catherine: How about this morning?
Vicky Winston: There's a rule in our house that only one parent medicates a child. But, I told Paul to go ahead and give it to Joshua if he was still coughing. Why?
(She looks at them.)
Brass: Thanks for coming in. We're all done. Thank you.
(VICKY WINSTON looks out the door and sees PAUL walking outside the hallway. He looks inside the office and sees VICKY. She gets to her feet and heads toward him.)
(She starts to hit him and scream at him.)
Vicky Winston: What is wrong with you? How could you leave him in the car? What is wrong with you?
(He holds her as she cries. CATHERINE and BRASS watch the WINSTONS move aside.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - INTERVIEW ROOM -- DAY]
(SARA and NICK interviews MARK YOUNG'S father.)
Sara: Mr. Young, your son was last seen with a young girl. We know that he rented a waverunner. Now that young girl is in our morgue and we don't know where your son is.
Mr. Young: I can't believe this is happening. Mark has a job. There's no reason for him to be on the lake during a work day.
Sara: We contacted Mark's manager at work. He called in sick.
Mr. Young: What are you saying? That he killed this girl? What is this?!
Nick: No, no. No one's saying that. We're just ... Mr. Young, when is the last time that you saw Mark?
Mr. Young: Yesterday morning. He came by, got something to eat and he left. I mean, at this age, I can't keep track of him.
Nick: Hey, believe me, I understand. I've been there.
Mr. Young: Mr. Stokes, my son is not a criminal.
Nick: We're not saying he's a criminal.
Sara: All we're saying is your son had contact with the victim and now he's missing. What we'd like to do is get a warrant to search your house.
Mr. Young: A warrant?
Nick: But maybe we don't need one. If we could just come by there and collect some of Mark's things, uh, we could get a DNA sample, exclude him as a suspect.
Mr. Young: You can take whatever you want. Mark didn't hurt that girl.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(ROBBINS goes over the body findings with WARRICK.)
Robbins: Go ahead, pinch him.
Warrick: There's no tenting. So he wasn't dehydrated. No, heat stroke.
Robbins: Vitreous urea nitrogen and creatinine were normal. Same for sodium.
Warrick: What about drugs?
Robbins: Tox was negative.
Warrick: Heart attack?
Robbins: Organ was normal, under 400 grams. Left ventricle less than 1.5 centimeters.
Warrick: I've run out of questions.
Robbins: Well, I would've missed this one if it weren't for you.
(ROBBINS holds up the body's hand.)
Warrick: Oh, you sectioned off that fingertip bruise.
Robbins: Look at the scope.
(WARRICK looks at the scope.)
[SCOPE VIEW of skin cells]
Warrick: The skin cells look stressed out.
Robbins: It's called nuclear streaming. It occurs when an electric current passes through tissue.
Warrick: He was electrocuted. But how come there's no burn marks?
Robbins: Low-power shock. Uh, current crossed the heart. No damage to the muscle, but havoc on the rhythm.
(Quick flashback to: WESLEY JONES sits back in his chair in front of the fan.)
Robbins: (V.O.) Ventricular fibrillation.
(He starts to gasp for air)
(Quick CGI to: Camera moves through the chest to the heart to show the irregular beat.)
Robbins: (V.O.) A precision clock becomes a bag of worms.
(End of CGI. Resume to present.)
Robbins: All it takes is a little current.
Warrick: And a point of contact.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - TRACE LAB - DAY]
(NICK and SARA are in the trace lab.)
David Hodges: The substance on her hips is suntan lotion. Waterproof, zinc oxide, high SPF.
Sara: Well, that's odd. The victim had a deep, even tan. We collected low SPF oil from the locker. It's a simple transfer -- him to her.
(Quick flashback to: MARK puts his hands on SOPHIE'S waist as she laughs. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: What about the green substance in the head wound?
David Hodges: Mm.
(DAVID moves aside and lets SARA look at the scope.)
[SCOPE VIEW of the algae (or 'green' stuff) ]
David Hodges: Navicula, hannaea, achnanthes, cymbella.
Sara: Algae.
David Hodges: Yeah, not the free-swimming kind. These are epilithic diatoms. Attached to rocks.
Sara: Girl's out at the lake. She meets some random guy she knows nothing about and she goes off with him.
David Hodges: She places herself in a bad situation.
Sara: And bad things happen.
(Quick flashback to: MARK and SOPHIE are on the waverunner. He makes a sharp turn and she falls off, hitting her head on the algae-covered rocks on the bottom.)
Sara: (V.O.) Sophia takes a header and he bails.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB ]
(NICK and SARA look at the map spread out on the table.)
Sara: This algae grows everywhere.
Nick: A waverunner ... point and throttle.
(NICK sighs.)
Nick: We have no idea where they went.
(GREG stands in the doorway.)
Greg: Heard you guys narrowed your search area to 44 square miles. That could take like months.
Nick: And I'm sure you're here to shed some light on the situation.
(GREG walks into the lab.)
Greg: Your case is a boy-girl thing, right?
Nick: Right.
Sara: Mm-hmm.
Greg: Body was washed up near Windmill Cove?
Nick: mm-hmm.
(GREG points to the next two coves on the map: SANDY POINT COVE and TEQUILA COVE.)
Greg: These two coves to the north -- Cotton Wood Island, Tequila -- huge make-out spots. But nearly impossible to get to by land.
Sara: And how would you know that, Greg?
Greg: A gentleman never tells. Anyway, I thought that would be a good place to start. If you guys need an extra set of hands ...
Nick: Uh, no. No. I think we got it, boss.
(GREG leaves the room. SARA smiles.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - GARAGE -- DAY]
(CATHERINE turns on the garage lights and looks through the car. She finds a photo of the WINSTONS with a baby between them. She looks in the trunk and finds some drycleaning. She puts that aside. She finds a plastic bag of old clothes and things. Inside the bag, she finds a blanket with the name: HOWARD ASTON WINSTON embroidered on it.)
Catherine: "Howard Aston Winston."
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
Announcer (woman): Recording a record number of ...
Announcer (man): The Clark County Health Department still advises all citizens to stay hydrated and ...
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(BRASS and CATHERINE walk through the hallway.)
Brass: I got the state medical records for Howard Ashton Winston -- born August 12, 2000. Would've been three years old.
Catherine: When did he die?
Brass: Last year -- Tay-Sachs disease.
Catherine: Oh, that's incurable. Like MS, right?
Brass: Yeah, I worked with a cop in New Jersey whose son died from it. Aw, the poor kid went blind, couldn't swallow. In the end, he couldn't even lift his head up.
Catherine: The Winstons never mentioned they had another child.
Brass: Losing one kid is tough, but two?
Catherine: I know it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
(Camera moves along the clearboard with a layout of the JONES' apartment. Next to that, WARRICK examines the massage chair. Also in the lab, ARCHIE works on something at the table.)
Warrick: These wires are all insulated. No burn marks. Current didn't pass through this chair.
Archie: Whoa-ho!
Warrick: What you got?
Archie: Ultimate power. I could program this bad boy to make me a cup of coffee.
Warrick: Is there any sign of electrical surging?
Archie: Well... this remote control's got plenty of juice, but ... the board's clean, no scoring. (pauses) You know, if I had my choice about how I was going to go out, it would not be electrocution. I think an aneurysm in my sleep-- quick and painless.
Warrick: I like surprises.
(ARCHIE opens the remote; WARRICK opens the phone.)
Warrick: Bingo. Look at that. Current went through the phone.
Archie: From what?
Warrick: Heat lightning. Storm rolls through the desert, sometimes it strikes in town.
(Quick flashback to: [EXT] Lightning strikes and hits a telephone pole, the current runs through the wires, through the box, through the phone lines, up the wires, into the house and zaps WESLEY JONES as he talks on the phone. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Archie: Electrocution through the phone line? I thought that was a myth.
Warrick: This look like a myth to you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAKE - DAY]
(NICK and SARA are on the boat. They find the waverunner in a cove.)
Nick: Greg was right. There's our waverunner.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COVE - DAY]
(SARA swabs the towel. She tests the swab.)
Sara: Signs of s*x; no sign of blood.
Nick: Half a tank of gas. Why didn't he just take this to get out of Dodge?
Sara: Well, if he leaves the dock with Sophia, comes back alone ... somebody might notice.
Nick: So... he just hoofs it out of here? How?
Ranger Stone: There's an access route about two miles east, but in this heat, no way.
(SARA looks on the dirt near the towel and sees several shoe prints.)
(Quick flashback to: Close up of SOPHIA'S soft shoes. The shoe prints match. End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Sara: Well, if you kill somebody ... you find a way. Check it out.
(SARA gets to her feet and follows the prints. NICK follows SARA up the hill.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB -- DAY]
(WARRICK shows GRISSOM the map on the monitor.)
Warrick: Strike map from the national lightning detection network.
(The computer beeps.)
Warrick: This is Vegas in yellow.
(A red beeping square appears on the monitor:
ID: 30994
Flash Radius: 4.2 km
(A second red beeping square appears on the monitor:
ID 30993
Flash Radius: 3.1 km
(Camera pulls back to show three blinking red squares on the monitor map.)
Warrick: Hasn't had a lightning strike in three days.
Grissom: You got another theory?
Warrick: All I got is a fried phone.
Grissom: One point on the electrical path to ground.
Warrick: If the phone wasn't the way in, maybe it was the way out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. JONES' RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(WARRICK and ARCHIE put the massage chair back in the room where it was found.)
Archie: You good on your end?
Warrick: Yes.
Archie: Good.
Warrick: This about it?
Archie: Yeah.
Warrick: Okay ... now, electricity is fickle, right?
Archie: Yeah.
Warrick: One centimeter can mean the difference between a little zap and dead.
(WARRICK passes his flashlight over the chair and envisions WESLEY JONES sitting there dead.)
Warrick: So, let's assume that the current went out through his right index finger and the phone. For it to cross his heart, it must've come from the left side of his body, right?
Archie: We've ruled out the fan and the chair. Can was in his left hand, so ... the point of entry must've been somewhere else on his body.
(WARRICK passes the light down the chair and envisions seeing WESLEY JONES' legs and feet flat on the floor.)
(He and ARCHIE both kneel down. WARRICK looks at the floor and finds a foot print.)
Warrick: His bare foot touched the floor.
(Using the flashlight, he sees markings and follows the markings to the left toward the wall. Both he and ARCHIE get to their feet and follow the markings. WARRICK kneels down and looks between the shelves. He sees the burned out extension cord.)
Warrick: Path of least resistance.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. COVE -- DAY]
(NICK and SARA follow the footprints up to the edge of the Cliffside.)
Sara: That's got to be a 50-foot drop.
Nick: Yeah, but when you're young, it just looks like a whole lot of fun.
Sara: Not for Sophia.
(Quick flashback to: MARK and SOPHIA go to the edge of the cliff. MARK'S urging SOPHIA to jump.)
Mark Young: Come on, go for it.
Sophia: No, I don't ...
Mark Young: It'll be a rush.
Sophia: I don't know.
(He pushes her in and she falls head first to the water below.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nick: Well, if that's where she died ... the evidence isn't up here. It's down there.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LOCKER ROOM -- DAY]
(CATHERINE opens her locker and gazes at the pictures of LINDSEY pinned to her locker door. The last picture is a drawing with "SUPER MOMMY" on it.)
Greg: Catherine ... Hey, I got your results. Found a therapeutic level of cough syrup in the baby's system, no more than the recommended dosage.
Catherine: So, between the cough syrup and the heat, Joshua probably fell asleep and the father forgot that he was there.
Greg: Maybe. I also found organophosphates, more specifically, disulfoton.
(CATHERINE turns and looks at GREG.)
Catherine: Pesticides.
(GREG hands the print results to CATHERINE to look at.)
Catherine: What the hell's he doing with pesticides in his system?
(GREG shrugs. CATHERINE turns and closes her locker door as she thinks about the possibilities.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. WINSTON RESIDENCE - FRONT WALK -- DAY]
(BRASS and CATHERINE walk up to the house.)
(The door opens and VICKY WINSTON appears.)
Brass: Mrs. Winston, we have a warrant to search the premises.
(Behind her, PAUL WINSTON walks into the living room.)
Catherine: Where do you keep your gardening supplies?
(Cut to: CATHERINE opens the shed door and looks inside.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAKE -- DAY]
(NICK and SARA instruct the divers in the water on what to look for.)
Nick: Spiral search pattern. The anchor chain is your center point. Do a 360, then drop your depth. Now, you're not done till you hit the bottom, okay?
Sara: You're looking for anything she might've hit her head on, probably something covered with algae.
Nick: Good luck.
(The divers head down into the lake.)
INTERCUT WITH:
(CATHERINE looks around the garden shed. She looks through the basket full of products. She picks up one after the other, looking at the labels. She picks up a third container on which reads: "ACTIVE INGREDIENTS: LAMBDA-CYHALOTHRIN, DISULFOTON, OTHER INGREDIENTS". It also reads: "Keep out of reach of children".)
CUT BACK TO:
(The diver surfaces.)
Nick: What do you got?
(He hands NICK a camera monitor with a picture of a dead face trapped in the algae below.)
Nick: That's got to be Mark Young.
Sara: Yeah.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. WINSTON RESIDENCE -- DAY]
(CATHERINE walks up to BRASS and the WINSTONS. She shows them the bagged container.)
Brass: Mr. and Mrs. Winston, why don't we get out of this heat?
(They turn and head for the cars.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE - DAY]
(BRASS interviews VICKY and PAUL WINSTON.)
Brass: Why didn't you tell us you had another child who also died?
Vicky Winston: How dare you bring up Howard. I'm a mother in mourning. I've already buried one child. I have to bury another. One was in god's hands, the other in the incapable hands of my husband. Show some compassion. I'm not the guilty one here!
Paul Winston: I'm guilty. I'm not a bad parent; I was negligent. I take full responsibility for what I did, but leave Howard out of it.
Brass: We found pesticides in Joshua's bloodstream. I'm going to have to get a court order and exhume the body of your first child.
(PAUL WINSTON sighs.)
Paul Winston: Vicky and I went through hell watching Howard deteriorate. Can't you let my boy rest in peace?
Brass: I'm afraid not.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(Camera opens on s small casket. On the monitor behind is a view of the baby inside the casket.)
Robbins: With exhumations, you always hope for a good embalmer, and I think we've got one. Body's well-preserved. Tay-sachs is a genetic disorder. You see the retarded musculature? Classic symptom.
Catherine: Night and day, compared to Joshua.
(CATHERINE uncaps the needle on the syringe. She reaches inside the casket and takes a sample from the baby.)
Catherine: Quite a lot of vitreous fluid left.
Robbins: I stand corrected -- great embalmer.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - DNA LAB --DAY]
(CATHERINE walks into the lab and hands GREG the vial.)
Catherine: Run this?
(GREG takes the baggie sample and looks at it.)
(He runs the sample.)
(Lots of cuts of GREG preparing and running the sample while CATHERINE waits.)
(The printer prints the results.)
Greg: No cough syrup. No pesticides. Traces of monocycline.
Catherine: Anti-inflammatory. Sometimes prescribed for Tay-Sachs. Well, it's the same principle of giving marijuana to glaucoma patients -- doesn't really cure the vision problems; it just buys you time.
Greg: Band-aid.
Catherine: Yeah.
Greg: Maybe the Winston's didn't want Howard to suffer.
Catherine: So, they don't kill their first child, who's dying. Why kill the second child, who's healthy?
(CATHERINE shakes her head.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. DR. GARNER'S OFFICE -- DAY]
(DR. GARNER looks at the x-rays on the view box as CATHERINE interviews him.)
Catherine: So, both Howard and Joshua Winston were patients of yours?
Dr. Garner: (nods) Yes. I was with them when Howard died. That was a dark time for them and I must say that it took a lot of courage for them to try again. Because both parents carry the Tay-Sachs allele, there was a twenty-five percent chance that the second child would be born with it.
Catherine: But Joshua dodged the bullet.
Dr. Garner: We tested Vicki early in the second trimester; the results came back negative.
Catherine: Had you seen Joshua recently?
Dr. Garner: A couple days before he died.
Catherine: It was a regular checkup, or ... ?
Dr. Garner: No. Vicki called in a panic, said something was wrong. I told her to bring him right in.
(Quick flashback to: DR. GARNER checks JOSHUA as his parents watch.)
Dr. Garner: (V.O.) And despite the fetal test, Joshua seemed to be exhibiting all the classic signs of early Tay-Sachs. Floppiness, poor head control, unable to turn over, decreased muscle tone. When they brought him in it was Howard all over again.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Dr. Garner: The only conclusion was that the fetal test was a false negative.
Catherine: What are the odds?
Dr. Garner: Under one percent. When I saw Joshua's retinas there were red spots -- classic Tay-Sachs. I sent out an enzyme test to confirm it.
Catherine: And did you confirm it?
Dr. Garner: Results haven't come back yet.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - FORENSIC AUTOPSY -- DAY]
(ROBBINS goes over the autopsy findings with NICK and SARA.)
Robbins: Mark Young. Cause of death is asphyxia due to fresh water drowning. No bruises or other injuries. Except for a ruptured tympanic membrane.
Sara: Hmm.
(SARA leans forward and looks through the scope at the inside of MARK'S ear.)
Sara: Hmm.
(Quick CGI POV of the tear inside the ear. End of CGI POV. Resume to present.)
Sara: Tear's red. It's ragged.
Robbins: Ante-mortem injury. In water, burst eardrums typically result from rapid decent. Sudden changes in pressure without equalizing.
(Quick flashback to: MARK and SOPHIE are on the top of the ledge. MARK pushes SOPHIE off the edge.)
Nick: (V.O.) She went in first.
(She falls in. He screams, excited.)
Mark Young: Whoo-hoo!
Nick: (V.O.) And he jumped in after her.
(When he sees that she hasn't surfaced, he jumps in.)
(UNDERWATER: He finds SOPHIE and tries to get her free. He surfaces and dives back in. His ear drums burst and he dies, tangled in the weed below.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Nick: This was an accident, Sara. He was trying to save her.
Sara: That's a great theory. But we can't prove that.
Nick: Twenty-six feet under with a busted eardrum? If not to save her, why dive that deep?
Sara: I don't know. Case is over.
Nick: Almost over.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB]
(Using the photos of the scene up on the wall, WARRICK shows GRISSOM his theory.)
Warrick: Found this mineral residue that led all the way from the massage chair to this burnt-out power strip across the room ... water stain.
Grissom: Well, there's your conductor.
Warrick: I also found them on the cookie sheet and this water-damaged magazine right here. And I found this plastic bag in the kitchen garbage.
Grissom: "Ice block."
Warrick: Add that with the fan, you got yourself a homemade swamp cooler.
(Quick flashback to: The ice block is set up in front of the running fan. WESLEY JONES sits in his chair cooling off. The water from the ice drips out of the pan, on to the magazine, down the table and pools on the floor at his feet.)
(As more ice melts, the water pools and runs along the power cord all the way to the electric socket. The socket shorts, the shock runs along the cord and water, up through WESLEY JONES' feet and out to the telephone in his hand.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Grissom: Inventive.
Warrick: Guy was just trying to stay cool.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[INT. CSI - HALLWAY -- DAY]
(SARA rounds the corner and finds NICK talking with MR. YOUNG.)
Nick: I think he died trying to save someone's life.
Mr. Young: Thanks.
Nick: No, it's my pleasure.
(She sees them shake hands. MR. YOUNG leaves.)
Sara: Hey, Nick.
(NICK picks up his messages off the counter. They turn and head back inside.)
Nick: Hey.
Sara: What are you doing?
Nick: What do you mean?
Sara: What did you tell him? His son died a hero?
Nick: Look, I'm just trying to give the guy a little peace, you know?
Sara: Oh, well, who are you trying to help feel better, him or you?
Nick: Hey, let me ask you something, Sara: You're Mr. Young, would you rather know this much or nothing at all?
Sara: You know, if the evidence doesn't support the answer, a CSI shouldn't be asking that question.
Nick: Well, okay, if that works for you.
Sara: Be careful.
(SARA walks away. NICK walks off camera frame.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[INT. CSI - LAB ]
(CATHERINE looks at various projector shots. The chemical compounds are reflected off of her and the walls behind her.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
[EXT. LAS VEGAS CITY (STOCK) - DAY]
[EXT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - INTERVIEW ROOM - DAY]
(BRASS and CATHERINE interview PAUL and VICKY WINSTON.)
Vicky Winston: I was in the garden this weekend. Why are you so interested in everything we do? I mean, when did our lives become an open book?
Brass: When your second son ended up dead.
Catherine: When you were in the garden, was Joshua with you?
Vicky Winston: No.
Paul Winston: Yes, he was. We had a fight...
(Quick flashback to: VICKY is in the garden. PAUL walks up with JOSHA in his arms, the baby's crying.)
Paul Winston: Vicky, it's your turn. I've had him for the past four hours.
Vicky Winston: What, are you counting hours now? He's your son.
Paul Winston: Look, if you're not gardening here, then it's at work. I've had him all day. It's your turn. Here.
(He hands the baby to VICKY, stands up and leaves.)
Paul Winston: Thank you.
Vicky Winston: See the pretty flowers, Joshua?
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
(VICKY looks at PAUL and sighs.)
Vicky Winston: I guess he was. But the moment he passed Joshua off to me I went inside.
Catherine: Did you wash your hands?
Vicky Winston: Honestly, I don't remember. I'm in the garden a lot, so I'm sure I washed my hands.
Catherine: Well, I met with your pediatrician, Dr. Garner. When you brought Joshua in on that emergency call, it was because you feared that he, too, had Tay-Sachs.
Paul Winston: We had the test before he was born. Dr. Garner said we were fine.
Brass: I can imagine for both of you it must have been like reliving the nightmare. One child, now two.
Catherine: Did you know that repeated exposure to certain pesticides, even in small amounts, can have an adverse effect in infants? Even mimic the signs of Tay-Sachs?
Brass: The symptoms are similar. Floppiness of the head, arching of the back.
(VICKY and PAUL share a look of alarm.)
Brass: Blindness ... inability to swallow.
Catherine: You work with pesticides, Mrs. Winston, on your job and in your garden. And you handled Joshua -- we suspect that that's how the traces got into his system. I'm just speculating here, but I think this is what happened next:
(Quick flashback to)
Vicky Winston: No, Paul. I went through hell with Howard, I can't go through that with Joshua.
Paul Winston: We'll wait for the enzyme tests.
Vicky Winston: No. No more tests. No more drugs. No more kids. No more! I can't live through that again, and neither can you.
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Catherine: You gave Joshua cough syrup, Mr. Winston. Why did you medicate him?
Brass: 'Cause, maybe, you just didn't want him to suffer?
(Quick flashback to: PAUL WINSTON gives JOSHUA some cough syrup. He closes the car door and walks away. He looks back at the car, then turns the car alarm on, leaving JOSHUA in the car.)
(End of flashback. Resume to present.)
Vicky Winston: You have no idea what it's like to watch your child die.
Paul Winston: We couldn't go through that again.
Catherine: The shame of it is you didn't have to.
(She sighs.)
Catherine: The enzyme test that dr. Garner ran came back negative. Joshua didn't have Tay-Sachs. You killed a perfectly healthy baby.
(VICKY WINSTON whimpers softly, then starts to cry.)
FADE TO WHITE
[EXT. PARKING LOT]
(CATHERINE walks out to her car. She gets inside and shuts the door. She turns on the temperature gauge. It reads: 135 degrees F inside temp.)
(CATHERINE leans back in her seat and watches as the temperature rises. 136 ... 137 ... )
(Camera holds on CATHERINE. She sighs.)
(Blur out.) | Plan: A: a heat wave; Q: What weather event caused Grissom and Catherine to investigate the death of a baby? A: a baby; Q: Who was found dead in a car? A: a headwound; Q: What was the woman who was found floating in a lake with? A: Warrick; Q: Who investigates the death of a man who died at his home? A: an apparent heat stroke; Q: What was the cause of death of the man Warrick investigates? Summary: During a heat wave , Grissom and Catherine investigate the death of a baby who was found dead locked in a car. Nick and Sara look into the death of a woman who was found floating in a lake with a headwound. Warrick investigates the case of a man who died at his home of an apparent heat stroke . |
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars... Professor Landry and Mindy O'Dell kiss in the hotel room at the Neptune Grand in 309 "Spit and Eggs." At home, Veronica is telling Keith all about it.
VERONICA: Dean O'Dell's wife is cheating on him with Dr. Landry, my criminology professor. At Hearst College, the dean is gutted to see Keith waiting for him in the hallway.
VERONICA: [offscreen] Are you going to tell him?
KEITH: [offscreen] You know the rules, honey. I have to.
Weevil enters the dean's office and finds him slumped over his keyboard, a bullet hole in his temple. Cut to Veronica and Mac in the crowd at the Take Back the Night Rally in 301 "Welcome Wagon."
MAC: The shrink asked if a lifetime without a libido is such a bad thing. I think she's given up on me.
VERONICA: You just need more time.
Logan breaks up with Veronica in 309 "Spit and Eggs."
LOGAN: Yeah, I think we can take a tough but survivable amount of pain now or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later, so I vote for the pain now. Logan walks away from Veronica. End previously.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Veronica is at her desk in the main office, sliding a letter into a manila folder.
VERONICA: You should hire someone to do this. Keith is sitting on the small couch, a box file in front of him.
KEITH: Hey, you're lucky I'm not a farmer. You'd be out ploughing a field. Veronica pauses to gaze at another manila folder.
VERONICA: What is manila anyway? Keith rises from the couch, picking up the box file to carry to his office.
KEITH: I don't know. Is it a substance, a colour maybe? "In the kitchen, we'll do a nice manila."
VERONICA: I'd say more like, "by the time we dug him up, he turned manila."
KEITH: Don't you have to get to class?
VERONICA: On my way.
Veronica taps at the keyboard.
VERONICA: Oh, and Wikipedia says: "Not a what, but a where, called 'manila' after hemp from the Philippines." Veronica rises from the desk, grabbing her bag and shutting the lid of the laptop. She freezes at the sound of steps and sight of the person making them.
VERONICA: Oh. Good morning. It's Mindy O'Dell, who walks towards her desk slowly. Keith, unaware of her presence, calls out to Veronica as he exits his office to join his daughter at her desk.
KEITH: Guess that would explain why this filing was giving me a killer buzz. He sees Veronica's look and turns to see Mindy.
KEITH: Oh. Can I help you, Mrs. O'Dell?
MINDY: I hope so, Mr. Mars.
KEITH: Please, come in.
Keith gestures to his office and Mindy walks into it. He and Veronica share a curious look as Keith follows and closes the door behind them. After gazing after them for a brief moment, Veronica heads out of the office. In Keith's office, Mindy is settled in the chair opposite Keith's desk.
MINDY: My husband didn't kill himself.
KEITH: [gently] What makes you think that?
MINDY: Because I know my husband.
KEITH: Mrs. O'Dell, I saw him that night. He had just learned of your infidelity. He was drinking heavily.
MINDY: Well, it was in him to sulk, to divorce me, even, but he would never in a million years kill himself over me.
KEITH: The sheriff ruled it a suicide six weeks ago. Why come to me now?
MINDY: Honestly? Money. As his death was ruled a suicide, his life insurance is denying benefits. I'm a widow with two children to take care of.
KEITH: You told Mr. O'Dell you were at a junior league meeting the night he died.
MINDY: Are you asking for my alibi?
KEITH: If it is a murder, you'll be asked for it repeatedly. Your husband implied that your junior league nights were a cover for your affair with Professor Landry.
MINDY: I was with Hank...all night. Look, I didn't kill Cyrus, Keith. Neither did Hank Landry. But someone did.
KEITH: Well, let me dig around. If I find anything, I'll take the case.
MINDY: Thank you.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LAB - DAY.
Mac walks into a darkened lab room. The place looks like it has been tossed. Empty cages litter the room. Two students in white coats are crouched on the floor, starting to clear up the mess.
MAC: Wow, this is one trashed lab. All that's missing is a big hole in the wall shaped like the Hulk. Mac chuckles, but her smile fades as the students stare at her, not amused.
MAC: Somebody called tech support?
PAULINE: I did.
The female student rises and points to the side of the room where the computer is, leading Mac towards it.
PAULINE: We had a break-in. Our computer was sabotaged, and it's dead. There's a year's worth of research on that hard drive. Our professor will have med students practicing autopsies on us.
GIL THOMAS: Professor McGregor has to understand it's not our fault.
Gil Thomas glances at his colleague, who is glaring at him.
GIL THOMAS: I locked up, Pauline.
MAC: Do you have a backup?
PAULINE: Yeah. He's gone, too.
MAC: Your backup's a he?
GIL THOMAS: Twenty-five, our research monkey.
Gil Thomas points to an empty cage behind him. He shuts the door of the cage.
GIL THOMAS: He is the research. Even if you save the hard drive, without Twenty-five, the whole project is dead.
PAULINE: And we'll be dead, too, if McGregor finds out we lost him. Who do you go to, to find a stolen monkey and twenty control-group rats?
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.
Veronica is sitting at one of the tables, playing with her food listlessly. She is staring at Logan who is standing at one of the food outlets. He is glancing around, but doesn't appear to have seen her.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: Logan Echolls, don't you get it? Ex-boyfriend. That's your new title. It comes with certain restrictions. Logan starts walking out of the Food Court, carrying his purchase.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: This is my Food Court time. You're not a breakfast person. You're not even an early-lunch kind of guy. Can't we just agree this is Veronica time? Veronica's pity-party is interrupted.
MAC: Veronica.
VERONICA: Mac.
Veronica looks up to see Mac, accompanied by the two students from the lab, still in their white coats.
VERONICA: And the people coming to take me away.
MAC: Veronica Mars, Pauline Elliott and Gil Thomas Pardy. They're missing a monkey.
Veronica frowns.
GIL THOMAS: And twenty rats.
VERONICA: We're talking "monkey" as in...
MAC: "Touch my..."
PAULINE: It's not just any monkey.
VERONICA: Please tell me he plays piano.
Mac grins at this, although neither Pauline nor Gil Thomas appreciate Veronica's levity.
PAULINE: Twenty-five is a genetically altered capuchin monkey. Its uptake-inhibitor proteins have been coded to allow us to monitor cholesterol breakdown at a cellular level. Pauline sighs at the realisation that this has not excited or motivated Veronica.
PAULINE: And he can play "Chopsticks."
VERONICA: Excellent.
Veronica grabs her tray, rises from the table and walks over to the bins.
VERONICA: Any idea who would want to nab... She slides the tray contents into the bin and turns to face the group, who have followed her.
VERONICA: Um, what's his name again?
PAULINE: It's not a pet. We don't name them or wrap squeaky toys up for Christmas.
Veronica holds up her hands in a "mea culpa" apology.
PAULINE: His research ID number is twenty-five. Yes, I know exactly who stole him. It was those damn fat kids.
VERONICA: Because, I take it, monkeys are delicious? And, dude, "girth-challenged" is the preferred nomenclature.
GIL THOMAS: P-H-A-T. People for Humane Animal Treatment. They've done this kind of crap before. They liberated him and took a year's worth of research in the process. Please, this is our future. We need that monkey back.
Opening credits.
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Veronica and Mac are walking across the campus.
MAC: I just can't wait for that moment when you're in a tree, going, "here, monkey, monkey," and holding out a banana, and then the branch breaks and hilarity ensues.
VERONICA: Ah, if there's hilarity, I charge extra. Think you can salvage anything off their hard drive?
MAC: Iffy. Looks like someone poured something on it.
Veronica comes to a stop in front of one of the campus notice boards.
VERONICA: Aha.
MAC: You've solved the case.
Veronica taps one of the posters.
VERONICA: PHAT is having a recruitment meeting tonight. The poster Veronica is referring to reads as follows: "Attention Students: Hearst College Chapter of People for Humane Animal Treatment (P.H.A.T.) invites you to our spring semester orientation meeting, Wednesday, 8pm, Guyot Hall 310. We'll be presenting an informative slideshow covering the various ways in which mainstream corporations' abuse and mistreat animals. Their inhumane actions will never cease unless you, the public, demands respect and humane treatment for these animals." The notice is pinned on top of other posters, including a handwritten one regarding the "borrowing" of someone's car ("I will hunt you down...") and another "borrowed" from the World Can't Wait-Drive Out the Bush Regime Steering Committee statement read out at rallies around the country on October 5, 2006 and only bits of which can be seen: "In just the past year we have seen government spying bolted into law; Alito and Roberts installed in the Supreme Court, the Patriot Act passed again, theocratic ante-abortion and anti-gay laws spreading intolerance; war in Iraq more murderous; war on Lebanon approved and fuelled; war on Iran in preparation, torture legalized..."
VERONICA: Square one.
MAC: Want some company?
Veronica raises her brows, seen despite her sunglasses.
MAC: What? This soft spot here... Mac gestures in the general direction of her heart.
MAC: It's for all creatures, great and small.
VERONICA: Okay, the more, the merrier. [with faux-excitement] All we need is one more angel, and we've got a show. I'll come by your room. Dress cruelty-free. We want to blend.
MAC: Got it. Off to class.
Mac walks off, leaving Veronica at the notice board. Veronica takes a last look then turns from the board. She walks straight past Keith, registering his presence with surprise. She doesn't pause in her stride, but slides the sunglasses off her face. Keith follows her.
KEITH: Hi.
VERONICA: Hi. What are you doing here?
KEITH: Looking for you. I need to find Weevil.
VERONICA: You two palling around now?
KEITH: I need to ask him some questions. Mindy O'Dell doesn't think her husband killed himself, and Weevil found the body, so...
VERONICA: You think Dean O'Dell was murdered?
KEITH: Uh-uh. Not really. I think he had his heart broken and shot himself. I suspect his wife feels a tremendous amount of guilt.
VERONICA: So why take the case?
KEITH: I haven't yet. I'm checking it out.
VERONICA: Physical plant after 6:00.
Veronica, having put her sunglasses in their case and back in her bag, pulls out and glances at her cell phone.
VERONICA: How did you find me? My cell phone is not on.
KEITH: Maybe I'll tell you someday.
Keith passes behind her and goes on his way.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - DAY.
As Mac searches through her closet, Veronica is sitting on Mac's bed reading from the PHAT website.
VERONICA: According to the PHAT website, we should stay away from fur, obviously, down, leather...
MAC: The one day I feel like wearing a leather miniskirt.
VERONICA: If it ever had a face or parents, you can't wear it.
MAC: So my mollusc shoes are cool?
Mac pulls out an unattractive jumper and walks to the centre of the room, holding it up. Beyond her, Parker is sitting at her desk, reading. She looks up at the sweater.
MAC: Oh, does this say "cruelty-free"?
PARKER: It says, "I've given up. Don't look at me."
Before the doleful Mac has a chance to respond, there is a knock at the door. It opens to reveal a girl carrying a clipboard.
PARTY ORGANISER: Hey. She beams and then consults the clipboard.
PARTY ORGANISER: You guys haven't picked a country yet. Parker looks at her blankly.
PARTY ORGANISER: For the around-the-world party. Every dorm room dresses itself up like a different country. Party, fun? Mac looks singularly unexcited. Veronica returns her attention to the website.
PARTY ORGANISER: No?
MAC: I prefer most of the people on the floor, you know, not in my room.
Parker, now on her feet, sighs.
PARTY ORGANISER: Okay, well, if you change your mind, let me know soon. Most of Western Europe goes down fast. The girl leaves. Parker swings around to face and point to Mac.
PARKER: Single. Parker steps towards them and points at Veronica.
PARKER: Single and on the rebound. Veronica looks back at her sourly.
PARKER: Just so you know, we're approaching critical, pathetic mass if the girl who most wants to host gentlemen callers is the most recent victim of a sexual assault. We should be out there! Or, at the very least, not barring them from coming to us. Veronica and Mac glance at each other, unconvinced. Parker lets out an exasperated sigh and turns back to her side of the room.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, GUYOT HALL, ROOM 310 - NIGHT.
In the classroom, there is a PHAT banner on the blackboard which, as well as setting out the name, declares that animal dealers traffic two million animals a year. Set in front of the blackboard is a screen for slides. A slide shows the PHAT logo. People are entering the room, including Veronica and Mac who are at the door. They pause as Veronica takes a sheet of paper being handed out by Darla. She is assisted by another PHAT member. On the other side of the door is a guy writing in the notebook. Mac gazes into the room unhappily.
MAC: Okay, I get cruelty-free, but I'm an animal, too, and the clove cigarettes and no-bathing thing is cruelty to me. Veronica doesn't respond, noticing the guy who has overheard Mac. He closes his notebook and drops his head. Mac turns and sees him, and backtracks.
MAC: Oh. He chuckles.
MAC: No. Not you. You're... She leans towards him and sniffs.
MAC: Fine. He walks them into the room, taking a perch on one of the tables.
BRONSON: You guys ever been to one of these things before?
MAC: Me? No. I come from a meat-and-potatoes kind of family, minus the potatoes. My first pacifier was made of jerky.
He chuckles again, clearly taken with Mac.
BRONSON: Well, it, uh, it could be fun.
MAC: Or it could be a lot of speechmaking by politicos-in-training.
BRONSON: Or that.
He holds up crossed fingers. Veronica, getting his interest, smiles at Mac. Mac glances back with a bit of a frown and they move towards the back of the room. Cut to a little later. The guy is at the front of the room, fronting the group.
BRONSON: My name is Bronson Pope. I'm the chapter president of PHAT here at Hearst. Veronica glances at Mac who is chagrined.
BRONSON: I'd like to thank everyone for coming out. Bronson turns off the lights to start the slide show. The slides reflect what he is saying.
BRONSON: From food industries to clothing to medical research, corporate America employs horrible cruelty to animals, simply to maximize profit. It's a tragic state of affairs that we fight with education. People who disagree aren't the enemy. They're the goal. Veronica shoots her hand up and clears her throat to get Bronson's attention.
BRONSON: Yeah?
VERONICA: This is in addition to some of the more active stuff? There was a rumour that someone liberated some research animals. I was just wondering if we'd be doing anything like that.
The rest of the attendees stare at Veronica for her interruption, which she notices.
VERONICA: What? I raised my hand. Mac grins.
BRONSON: That's really not our thing, but if you're eager for action, how about joining us tomorrow night to launch our letter-writing campaign? Bronson switches the lights back on.
VERONICA: [unenthusiastically] Sure. That sounds almost as good.
DARLA: You know, Bronson, that psycho bow-hunting rocker guy Ed Argent is playing downtown tomorrow night. We should consider picketing the show.
BRONSON: You ever meet an Argent fan, Darla? Uh, they'd pay double to spit on our picket line.
There's a muttered agreement amongst the rest of the group.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, DEAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT.
Weevil, with his ring of keys jangling, leads Keith into O'Dell's office.
WEEVIL: So, I came in at around seven. First, I thought he just had a bender and fell asleep at his desk, but then I saw blood..and the note.
KEITH: A note?
WEEVIL: Yeah, on the computer. He had a memo on the screen, saying, "Goodbye, cruel world zzzz." I guess his head fell on the Z. It's a shame, man. He was pretty cool...for a weird, old, white dude.
Keith is less interested in Weevil's observations, and more intent on the bottle of Glencracken, still on O'Dell's drinks table. He picks it up.
WEEVIL: So, uh, what, you just wanted to see if he left any booze? Keith looks at Weevil, deep in thought.
INT - LOGAN'S SUITE, NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL - DAY.
It's apparently morning. Dick, garbed in a dressing gown and naked underneath, amuses himself by taking a picture of his pen1s and throwing the picture off the balcony window. Logan, in t-shirt and boxers, comes to the door to the balcony.
LOGAN: I think I told you, the management asked if you'd stop doing that.
DICK: That's exactly what's been wrong with you lately. Since when do you side with management?
Dick looks back over the balcony to see the results of his gift to the world.
DICK: Ooh, best-case scenario: old lady. Logan doesn't respond and turns to walk back into the room. Dick is exasperated with him and Logan pauses.
DICK: What's with you? That is awesome! Dick strides past Logan, going back into the suite, nudging him on the arm as he passes.
DICK: How about a little life? Dick turns back to face Logan.
DICK: So what, you're just going to mope around like that guy in...what's that book where the guy's mom dies and he comes back to Jersey? He's got that motorcycle sidecar.
LOGAN: Garden State was never a book.
DICK: It wasn't? Oops. [to himself] So much for that paper.
Dick heads back to and settles on the couch as he lectures Logan. Logan rests on the arm of the couch at the other end of the settee.
DICK: But if this were a book, the theme of my essay would be the symbolism of how your character had his man parts ripped off by the Veronica Mars character.
LOGAN: [crossly] My man parts are intact.
DICK: Show me.
LOGAN: Well, you'll have to take my word for it.
DICK: I mean, symbolically. We're young, single men in our sexual prime, and the only reason why we're not out there going hog-wild is because of your feelings? What, are we on "The View"? Am I Rosie O'Donnell? Here's something I read. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."
Dick gazes at Logan, wide-eyed in wonder and with a grin.
DICK: Think about that. Logan is unmoved.
DICK: Really, think about it.
LOGAN: Yeah, well, as a statement, it seems, you know, obvious and pointless.
DICK: Which means...that's what your life is. You need help. I'm offering, okay? Nothing too major, just baby steps. Just, please, let me help you.
Dick ends pleadingly. Logan nods, considering the offer.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - NIGHT.
The PHAT team have set themselves up in another classroom and are stuffing envelopes. Bronson is watching over Darla when he looks up and sees Veronica and Mac at the door.
BRONSON: Hey. He races over to them.
BRONSON: Thanks for coming. Um, lick or stuff? He leads them into the room, pointing out the various areas of activity.
BRONSON: Letters are there, envelopes there. You know, this is what it's all about. Yeah, if people knew that every research animal on campus is caged, tested, and killed, you know, they might not be here in the first place.
VERONICA: Every research animal?
Bronson nods.
BRONSON: Yeah, that's why this is so important. Veronica is a bit shocked by this.
MAC: Well, I'd like to stuff.
BRONSON: Okay, come on.
Bronson leads Mac away to the stuffing table. Veronica, having recovered her composure, heads for Darla. She sits down next to her.
VERONICA: Darla, hi. I'm Veronica. I think your idea to protest Argent was great. If you go through with it, I'm in. I do a wicked picket. Veronica glances around conspiratorially, then leans towards Darla, lowering her voice.
VERONICA: Look, I know letter writing isn't all you do. You got to be careful with new members. I get it, but, just so you know, I'm ready. Darla passes her a stack of envelopes and a sheet of stamps. She pats Veronica on the arm.
DARLA: Good to know. Darla gets up and walks away, leaving the girl detective foiled and unenthusiastic about her assigned project. Elsewhere in the room, Bronson is sitting with Mac, stuffing envelopes.
BRONSON: Your friend seems pretty gung ho.
MAC: Veronica? She played pee wee soccer; she made her own penalty cards so she could red-card players she didn't like.
Bronson smiles.
BRONSON: I'm glad you guys came. I don't usually have much fun at these. He grins at her. Mac grabs some more envelopes.
MAC: The letter stuff seems fun. She rises and races away. Cut to a little later. Mac is sitting with Veronica at the table where stamps are put on the letters, concentrating on her task. Veronica is concentrating on something over Mac's shoulder.
VERONICA: Do me a favour. Casually look over there. Mac looks over her shoulder. Bronson is staring at her, smiling. He holds her gaze for a moment before going back to work. Mac looks back at Veronica.
MAC: What? Veronica rolls her eyes at Mac's obliviousness to Bronson's interest. Sam, the other PHAT member who greeted them at the door at the orientation meeting, joins them at their table.
SAM: How's it going? Darla casually drifts into view to stand behind Sam.
VERONICA: Great. Maybe we should throw in some low-interest credit-card apps, really grab their attention.
SAM: Yeah, letter writing's good, but, uh, some of us aren't so patient. Some of us want to get the message out a little more...actively.
DARLA: If you're interested, maybe you can prove yourself.
VERONICA: What do you have in mind?
SAM: Just something that gets our attention.
He shrugs.
SAM: Surprise us. Veronica looks at them thoughtfully and then at Mac, who stares back at her questioningly.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Veronica enters the apartment to see Keith leaning back against the cooker in contemplative mode. Veronica frowns at him as she shuts the door and enters the apartment.
VERONICA: You look sad. You and your friend Weevil have a fight or something? Veronica drops her bag and takes a seat at the kitchen counter.
KEITH: Just thinking, if I was going to get drunk and shoot myself, I'd probably drink the good stuff first.
VERONICA: Sheesh. Good thing we don't have any good stuff.
KEITH: Dean O'Dell did, a bottle of forty-year-old single malt. Said he lived in anticipation of drinking it. So why, if he's going to commit suicide, does he drink the cheap stuff instead?
Keith turns back to stir whatever is cooking as Veronica watches.
KEITH: You had a few run-ins with the dean, right? What were your impressions of the man?
VERONICA: I...admired him. He had character, or was one, or something. I don't know, just...
Keith drops a bowl of bread on the counter.
KEITH: How 'bout his rhetorical style? Businesslike and bland? Veronica thinks about this.
VERONICA: More...Old Testament sarcastic.
KEITH: Sarcastic? Like he might leave a dumb cliché as a note, as a joke?
VERONICA: What did the note say?
KEITH: "Goodbye, cruel world," typed as a memo.
VERONICA: Like on the computer screen?
KEITH: Yeah, why?
VERONICA: Just...we had to do these papers for Landry's class, like plan the perfect murder. I got an A, just in case you were wondering.
KEITH: And what does this-
VERONICA: Mine was a fake suicide, where you leave a note on the computer, so you can't check the handwriting, and write something clichéd so you don't study the message. My example was, "Goodbye, cruel world."
They absorb this little titbit.
EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Veronica is sitting on the steps of one of the buildings. She looks back at students emerging from the building and jumps up when she sees Piz. Veronica puts on her most persuasive charms.
VERONICA: Hey, Piz. Piz grins. They carry on walking together.
VERONICA: Ed Argent is in town. Think you can pull some of that Oregon-mountain-man, kill-what-you-eat, gun-rack charm and book him on your show?
PIZ: Everything north of San Francisco is just Thunderdome to you, isn't it?
VERONICA: It's for a case involving...a missing monkey.
PIZ: The case of the missing monkey?
VERONICA: Mm-hmm. You'd be helping science and me, and you might help classic rocker and conservative wild man Ed Argent connect with a whole new audience. So everybody wins, which is nice.
PIZ: That is nice. So, how is Ed Argent connected to the missing monkey again?
VERONICA: I didn't say, and I can't. Client privilege. You'd be doing me a favour I'd really appreciate.
Piz smiles.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LAB - DAY.
One of the cupboards in the room is opened. It's empty.
PAULINE: Look. Twenty-five's food is gone. It was here after the break-in, and now it's gone. Pauline is showing this to Veronica. Gil Thomas is working to the side.
PAULINE: Obviously, those PHAT fanatics are trying to take care of him. What did you find out?
VERONICA: There might be a splinter cell. I'm setting something up to get inside.
Pauline sighs in frustration.
VERONICA: So, what happens to Twenty-five...after you complete your research?
PAULINE: The only way to conclusively prove test results is through an autopsy.
VERONICA: So...that monkey good life includes a blindfold and a last smoke?
GIL THOMAS: You sound like one of them.
VERONICA: It's just a question.
PAULINE: Ah, a question like, how do we cure cancer or discover new vaccines?
They are interrupted when a door into the room is flung open. Another student scientist marches into the room and checks the thermostat. She makes an exasperated gesture as she adjusts the control.
EMMY: You've got the A/C on full. She spins around, confronting the others with her arms crossed.
EMMY: If you want to see my nipples, just ask. Gil Thomas raises his hand. She ignores him.
EMMY: How many times do I have to say, "temperature affects rates of carbon assimilation"?
PAULINE: I don't know, Emmy, a billion?
Emmy trounces back through the door, slamming it behind her.
VERONICA: Friend of yours?
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, EMMY'S LAB - DAY.
Emmy's room is much smaller than the one used by Pauline and Gil Thomas. Her experiments revolve around plants, which fill the room. As Veronica checks out the room, Emmy continues to work at a microscope on the narrow bench against the wall.
EMMY: I was in my lab until around nine, locked up. Didn't see anything suspicious and went home. I already talked to campus police.
VERONICA: I'm sure you did all you could to help your pal Pauline.
EMMY: They have twice the space I have. For what? To find a pill so fat guys in the suburbs can keep eating cheeseburgers. It's ridiculous. Look, I may not love Pauline and Gil Thomas, but I'm a scientist. I'd never vandalise a lab...ever.
Veronica sighs, seemingly persuaded by her passion.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, RADIO STATION - NIGHT.
Piz and Ed Argent finish their interview and Piz shakes his hand as he leads him out of the broadcasting room.
PIZ: Hey, that was awesome, man. Thanks a lot. Veronica, Parker and Mac are waiting in the outer room. They are all wearing pink sweatshirts which say "Zeta Theta Beta." Veronica, holding another sweatshirt similarly labelled, shoots up from the couch, acting the deranged fan.
VERONICA: Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! I am your biggest...super biggest fan. I joined the NRA after they covered you in Guns Magazine. Parker, also very into her role, rises from the couch, clutching her chest and gushing.
PARKER: Oh, I loved that article. Everyone except Parker, who is grinning manically at Argent, glances at Mac. She is finding it harder to adapt. She slowly stands revealing yet another sweatshirt on the couch behind her, folded.
MAC: Totally. The second amendment is, like, my favourite. She tails off, embarrassed. Veronica leaps in again, still jumping up and down.
VERONICA: We were so hoping to get a picture of you in our sweatshirt for our celebrity wall. Veronica holds up the sweatshirt with the "Zeta Theta Beta" prominently displayed.
ARGENT: Anything for a fan.
VERONICA: Awesome.
Unnoticed by Argent, Mac grabs the sweatshirt behind her, and she and Veronica swap it with the one Veronica was holding as Veronica makes her way over to Argent. Mac throws the other one back over the couch and accompanies Veronica to Argent, who puts on the sweatshirt he was given. Parker is waiting with a camera to take a photo. Argent doesn't glance down at the sweatshirt he is wearing, which proclaims "Meat Is Murder."
ARGENT: Maybe, after the show, I could stop by the sorority.
VERONICA: Ooh, I think the Theta Betas would really enjoy that.
Parker nods enthusiastically, then readies them for the picture.
PARKER: Okay, say "meat"!
ARGENT, VERONICA, MAC: Meat!
The picture shows Argent and Mac grinning. Veronica has her lion face with her tongue sticking out. While Argent gets in a bull horn's gesture, Veronica's fingers, whilst in approximation of the same formation, look more like the classic sign for a loser.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.
Veronica gets up from one of the hallway computer terminals and walks into Sam.
SAM: Hey. Look at this. He hold out a copy of the Hearst Free Press, turned to a page which features the photograph of her, Mac and Argent in the "Meat is Murder" sweatshirt. It is printed under the headline "Argent tells KRFF listeners: rock hard, eat what you kill." The caption under the picture reads "...Cuddly? The brash rockster, Ed Argent [?], poses with Cindy Mackenzie [?] and Veronica Mars [?]."
SAM: Tell your friend you guys are in. He slaps a slip of paper into her hand.
SAM: Three o'clock, that room. He walks away, leaving Veronica to open and read it. She is well satisfied.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, SAM'S DORM ROOM - DAY.
Darla opens the door to Veronica and Mac.
DARLA: Great, you're here. Come in. Darla hurries back into the room as Veronica and Mac step inside.
MAC: I've never been initiated before. Think I'll get a code name? Veronica smiles and closes the door behind them. Sam is at a computer on the desk in the room. Darla is standing between him and a camera on a tripod, in front of a brown curtain.
DARLA: We really loved what you did, and we want you to join our anti-fur campaign. Darla goes to the camera as Sam gets up and grabs a couple of large cards.
SAM: Congratulations. You're one of us. Sam hands one card each to Veronica and Mac. Mac's card says "No," with a prohibition sign over a rabbit for the O. Veronica's card says "Fur." Veronica and Mac smile and hold up their cards.
DARLA: We have a lot of work to do, so just go ahead and take 'em off.
VERONICA: Uh, take what off?
SAM: Your clothes...for the calendar. You are committed, right?
Veronica and Mac watch, stunned, as Sam goes over to the computer and pulls up a picture of himself, naked except for the "No Fur" card that covers his genitals.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: It's an ongoing question in the private-eye game: "how naked are you willing to get for a case?"
SAM: This campaign epitomises what we're about.
VERONICA: Oh, yeah, totally, but-
DARLA: We know you guys believe in the cause - that fur is the unnecessary killing of animals for nothing more than human vanity. So, you want to pose together?
Veronica looks down at the size of the card, then at Mac, who is speechless. Veronica is still working out what to say when the curtain is pulled back and the rest of the PHAT team, including Bronson, are revealed, laughing. Darla takes a picture of Veronica and Mac's faces.
SAM: Sorry. We do this to all the real gung-ho recruits.
DARLA: But we totally love you guys.
Veronica chuckles more in relief than amusement.
DARLA: That Ed Argent thing was genius. Bronson steps forwards and addresses Mac.
BRONSON: So, um...some of us are going to grab a bite, if you want to come along.
MAC: I'm good. I had some mints.
Veronica can't control her WTF?! face as she stares at Mac in dismay.
BRONSON: Ah. So...you have any plans this weekend? Veronica jumps in, nudging Mac in the arm as she does.
VERONICA: We have that around-the-world party tonight, remember? You should come. Every room is a country. Very educational.
BRONSON: Yeah, great. Uh, what country are you guys?
Mac just stares at Bronson with a fixed smile. Veronica gives herself thinking time by pretending she didn't hear the question.
VERONICA: Hmm?
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BENES HALL - DAY.
The party organiser, dressed in a Chinese costume, is checking out the decorated rooms. She wanders through "Italy" with a bottle of Chianti.
PARTY ORGANISER: Bella, bella. She leaves the room, handing the Chianti to one of the room's residents.
PARTY ORGANISER: Ciao. She walks out into the hallway and spots a girl putting up paper laterns.
PARTY ORGANISER: I love your enthusiasm. Love it. She walks to the door of another room which is decked out as Cuba. There's a neon palm tree on the back wall and one of the room's residents is dressed up like Fidel Castro. She walks away, fanning her face.
PARTY ORGANISER: Ooh, caliente! [Translation: Ooh, hot!] She walks to the door of another room which is decked out as Cuba. There's a neon palm tree on the back wall and one of the room's residents is dressed up like Fidel Castro. She walks away, fanning her face. She reaches the door to Mac and Parker's room. The contents of Parker's whiteboard haven't changed since 304 "Charlie Don't Surf" and Mac still displays her name solely with a strip of tape. New to the door, however, is a strip of tape on which is written: Canada. The party organiser looks at the door, bemused. She slides off her coolie hat and enters the room.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - DAY.
Parker, sitting on the small couch reading a magazine looks up.
PARTY ORGANISER: So, you're participating now? The party organiser looks around.
PARTY ORGANISER: What about this is Canada? Veronica, standing by a small picture of a moose, does a "duh!" face and points to the picture.
MAC: Uh, our accents. Eh? The party organiser snorts. Parker looks confused, as if she didn't know what they were up to.
VERONICA: And I almost forgot aboot... Veronica leans over in front of Mac to turn on a CD player. Music blares out. Music: "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies.
LYRICS: It's been one week since you looked at me Cocked your head to the side and said, "I'm angry" Five days since you laughed at me Saying get that together come back and see-
Mac and Veronica jerk to the music, Veronica rather more enthusiastically, complete with tongue sticking out and air guitar.
MAC: There you go. The party organiser glances down at Parker and sceptically accepts the "effort."
PARTY ORGANISER: Okay. She walks out of the room and the music is switched off. End music: "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies. Parker stares at Veronica and Mac, who are smirking.
PARKER: I'm confused. I thought you were against the whole party idea.
VERONICA: We were. And then...
Veronica rolls her eyes and jerks her head in Mac's direction.
VERONICA: "The guy" happened. This excites Parker.
PARKER: Ooh! But embarrasses Mac.
MAC: No. Veronica looks back at her, appalled.
MAC: In a way. I don't know.
VERONICA: Somebody was doe-eyed, tongue-tied, and, dare I say, twitterpated?
MAC: Hey, there's enough guys for everyone. Maybe Piz will show up.
PARKER: Ugh. God, I'm so over that. I don't know what his problem is. I think he has a girlfriend back home. It's a new day. No more games, no more waiting around. I'm ready to be wooed!
VERONICA: Amen, sister!
This also excites Parker, forcing Veronica to backtrack.
VERONICA: That was supporting, not joining. I do not want to be wooed.
PARKER: Don't you want to hear all about how great you are? I mean, don't you want to see the look on some cute guy's face when he realizes that you're not only smokin'-hot but funny and smart? Why, you're the catch of the century, Veronica Mars...
She looks over at Mac.
PARKER: And so are you.
VERONICA: Are you saying we ought to...
Veronica pretends to struggle with the word.
VERONICA: Mingle?
PARKER: I'm saying there's a saddle, Veronica, and we should be back in it.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT.
"Canada" is well-attended. Music: "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies.
LYRICS: Chickety china, the Chinese chicken You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin' Watchin X-Files with no lights on, We're dans la maison I hope the smoking man's in this one Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic Like Sting I'm tantric Like Snickers guaranteed to satisfy Like Kurasawa I make mad films Okay I don't make films But if I did they'd have a Samurai Gonna get a set a' better clubs Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs Just so my irons aren't always flying off the backswing Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon 'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes That make me think the wrong thing How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral Can't understand what I mean? You soon will I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve I have a history of losing my shirt It's been one week since you looked at me Dropped your arms to your sides and said "I'm sorry" Five days since I laughed at you and said "You just did just what I thought you were gonna do" Three days since the living room We realized we're both to blame, but what could we do? Yesterday you just smiled at me 'Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry
In a corner on Parker's side of the room, Veronica is talking to a guy described in the credits as "super hot."
SUPER HOT GUY: It's just hard when you know you've tried your best. You know?
VERONICA: I do. It's a bitch.
SUPER HOT GUY: I really wanted that relationship to work. I was committed, which is hard for me. Think I should call her?
Veronica is saved from giving or considering advice to the lovelorn when she notices Mac unhappily wandering around the room.
VERONICA: Can you excuse me for just one sec? She runs over to Mac.
MAC: So, how's it going?
VERONICA: I'm trying to keep an open mind. You?
MAC: I think I've been around the world, and I want my room back. This just isn't my scene. Can you manage Ultimate Boy Quest 2007 solo?
VERONICA: He didn't show.
Mac shakes her head and shrugs. Veronica sighs, then calls out to the room.
VERONICA: Okay, everybody, Canada is closing! Sorry. Border-control issues. There's general groans and mutterings of complaint.
VERONICA: Sorry. Veronica gestures for everyone to get out.
VERONICA: Pbht! Mac smiles at her gratefully. End music: "One Week" by the Barenaked Ladies.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BENES HALL, DORM REPRESENTING RUSSIA - NIGHT.
A large bust of Lenin and a version of "Lara's Theme" greet visitors to this room. A few Russian dolls and posters are scatter about. By the door, Veronica is being chatted up by a seemingly interested guy.
SEEMINGLY INTERESTED GUY: So, what do you do, like, for fun?
VERONICA: Um...I don't really know.
SEEMINGLY INTERESTED GUY: You play any sports or anything?
VERONICA: Nope.
SEEMINGLY INTERESTED GUY: So you just, like, hang out?
He scoffs a little.
VERONICA: Not really. I...my hobby is more like a job... He raises his eyebrows and rapidly loses any interest in her. He starts to scan the room for other opportunities. Veronica is initially oblivious to this.
VERONICA: Which is kind of like a compulsion. But it's fun sometimes. It doesn't really leave time for what most people consider... She looks up and realises immediately that he has tuned out and is making eyes at a Cossack-costumed girl across the room. She nods.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT.
The room is now cleared of everybody except Mac who is lying on her bed reading a book and listening to music through headphones. Parker enters the room and shakes Mac on the shoulder to get her attention.
PARKER: Mac? There's someone here to see you. Mac looks bemused as Parker's body is blocking any view of the guest. Parker steps away. It's Bronson. Mac scurries to a sitting position, smiling and a little nervous.
MAC: Oh. Hey.
BRONSON: Hey.
Parker holds up Bronson's wallet and hands it back to him.
PARKER: I checked his ID at the border, and all seems on the up-and-up. She grins and walks out of the room, closing the door behind her.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, BENES HALL - NIGHT.
Veronica threads her way through the crowd gathered in the hallway. Parker catches up with her.
PARKER: So, how's it going?
VERONICA: I'd say it's boys zero, me zero! Think I'm calling it.
PARKER: Well, we can't go back to Canada.
They both note the closed door.
PARKER: "The guy" showed up an hour ago. Veronica takes Parker's arm and leads her away.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT.
Bronson and Mac are sitting on her bed.
BRONSON: Sorry I've got to go so soon, but...
MAC: That's why I wasn't doing much activism. Cuts into my partying.
They both chuckle as they head for the door. Bronson puts on his jacket.
BRONSON: You should have seen me before I quit Greenpeace and the Sierra Club. Now at the door, Bronson turns to face her.
MAC: Jeez, why are you so down on people raping the planet? I mean, really.
BRONSON: Yeah, well, thanks for showing me Canada.
MAC: Sure.
Bronson steps forward to kiss her. Mac quickly backs away to avoid it.
MAC: Sorry. Um, I...
BRONSON: No, it's...yeah, well, I guess I should go.
Mac opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes and Bronson leaves the room. Mac shuts the door behind him and leans back on it, pissed off with herself.
EXT - BEACH - DAY.
Logan stares out over the beach. Other surfers are walking to and from the waves. Logan's suit is stripped to his waist and he is carrying his white NulLoa board. Dick, his suit draped over the yellow surfboard he is carrying, is in a red t-shirt and calf-length pants. He stands next to Logan.
DICK: Okay, baby steps. Just some dudes, some tasty waves, and some tasty brews. It's all we need. Logan nods. Both turn as they hear a shout.
CHIP: [offscreen] Where the hell you been?! They head for the shouter. It's Chip Diller, also in his suit stripped to the waist. A couple of boards and some towels adorn a small wall-less wooden building on the beach. Chip is holding some beers.
DICK: What? You think I just roll out of bed looking like this? It takes time. Chip, who has elected to keep the very short haircut, rubs his head.
CHIP: Low maintenance. You should try it.
DICK: What? Getting chewed by an angry mob of lesbians who stick eggs up people's butts? No, thanks.
CHIP: I'm just saying, it does simplify one's personal grooming.
LOGAN: Are we here to surf or swap hairdo secrets?
They reach the construction. Dick turns and sees something of interest on the beach. Girlish laughter can be heard.
DICK: Dude, wait. Check it out. Three girls, all carrying surfboards and in wetsuits, walk by, checking them out..
LOGAN: I thought all I needed was some dudes, some tasty waves, and some tasty brews.
CHIP: Well, we didn't bring enough beer to make them hot anyway.
Chip passes a can to Logan and tosses another to a grinning Dick.
EXT - NEPTUNE STREET - NIGHT.
Mac is effectively being marched up the street by Parker and Veronica, one on each side of her.
MAC: This is dumb. I blew it. It's over.
PARKER: It's not dumb. Just keep it simple.
Mac pulls out and holds up the driving license that was in her pocket.
MAC: "Hi, my insane friend stole your driver's license."
PARKER: It wasn't stealing. It was making an excuse to see him again. So you say, "Hi, you forgot your ID at the party. We're going out, thought we'd drop it off, and, hey, you want to come along?"
They've turned into the path leading up to a house.
MAC: You want me to say that?
PARKER: Mac, he tried to kiss you.
MAC: And my libido(n't) kicked in.
VERONICA: Mac, he understands. He seems like a really great guy. Just a regular vegan JFK looking for his Mackie O.
Veronica reaches out to knock firmly at the door. Parker gives Mac's arm a reassuring rub. Veronica and Parker let Mac go and step back slightly behind. A pretty girl opens the door. This surprises all three girls.
AMY: Hey, there. Bronson appears behind Amy, pleased to see Mac.
BRONSON: Hi. For a moment there is an uncomfortable silence until Mac finally responds.
MAC: You left your ID. There's another long moment until she hands the license to him.
MAC: Here it is. He takes it and nods, bemused.
MAC: Good seeing you. Mac tries to turn around to leave, but Parker and Veronica step closer together behind her to prevent it.
BRONSON: Well, hey, um, come in. I want to show you some results. Bronson puts his hands on Amy's shoulders.
BRONSON: Oh, and this is Amy, everyone. Amy holds up a hand in greeting. Bronson and Amy head into the house. Mac, confused, follows reluctantly after giving Veronica and Parker a dirty look. They follow.
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT - POPE RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Bronson leads them into a living room. Amy follows behind them and settles on the sofa with a magazine. Bronson picks up a letter from a table. He turns back to face Mac, Veronica and Parker. He hands the letter to Veronica. Parker concentrates on checking out Amy.
BRONSON: Letters from Bellissima Cosmetics. They quit animal testing, thanks to the letter campaign, because they make all their money off of college kids. Bronson notices their clothes, which are sparkly.
BRONSON: You're pretty dressed up. Where you guys off to?
MAC: Uh...Club...Club. It's new.
Veronica smiles. Amy glances up. Mac panics.
MAC: Mind if I get a glass of water?
BRONSON: Yeah, kitchen's in the back. Let me-
MAC: No, it's okay, I'll find it.
Mac hurriedly escapes the room. Veronica hands the letter back to Bronson.
VERONICA: That's really cool. In the hallway, Mac pauses on route to the kitchen as something catches her eye in one of the rooms. She steps forward to take a closer look.
EXT - BEACH - NIGHT.
Chip, Dick and Logan are sitting around a large fire. They are still drinking beers and there's a cool box between Dick and Logan. All have changed out of their wetsuits, wearing sweatshirts and shorts.
DICK: See, you did it.
LOGAN: Did what?
DICK: You lived. I told you, chicks are just a distraction. You're better off without that broad.
LOGAN: Yeah, well I'll admit, this has its charms.
TAYLOR: Hey!
All three look over in response to the shout.
TAYLOR: You got any more beers? The three girls they saw earlier are heading towards them. Chip speaks softly to Dick and Logan.
CHIP: Okay, new category: hot enough. He shouts out to the girls.
CHIP: Yeah, sure! The girls put down their surfboards and head for the fire. Logan's not that thrilled at the company.
LOGAN: How about "chicks are a distraction," huh?
DICK: I didn't say a bad distraction.
The girls arrive. Taylor falls onto her knees in the sand next to Logan.
TAYLOR: Hmm. What have you got? Logan looks in the cool box. He closes it and looks back at Taylor.
LOGAN: Apparently, we're into the cheap stuff.
TAYLOR: Hmm.
Logan nods and opens the cool box to get beer for the girls.
LOGAN: Yeah.
INT - POPE RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Bronson sits down on the couch next to Amy. Mac is still out of the room.
BRONSON: If you guys get bored of Club Club, you should come by Goldfinger's. I tend bar there.
PARKER: Hmm.
Parker directs a question to Amy.
PARKER: Do you hang out there a lot?
AMY: Not really my scene. We have slightly different ideas on...
Amy continues talking as Mac returns and whispers to Veronica.
MAC: Might want to grab a drink. His bedroom. Veronica interrupts Amy.
VERONICA: Um, okay if I grab a quick H-2-O, as well? It's important to hydrate.
BRONSON: Yeah.
Bronson points towards the kitchen. Veronica leaves the room. Bronson glances at Mac. She smiles. In the hallway, Veronica quickly finds and enters the bedroom. There are a number of glass cages containing black rats. Veronica takes a picture with her cell phone. She then gazes at them unhappily.
VERONICA: Rats. Veronica returns to the living room, giving the appearance of being very excited.
VERONICA: Why didn't you say anything? Bronson looks at her quizzically.
VERONICA: I saw them, the test rats you liberated. Where's the monkey? Bronson rises from the couch.
BRONSON: Um, I don't have the monkey, and I didn't free the rats. They just showed up.
VERONICA: Like, in a tiny van with a sob story about needing a place to crash?
BRONSON: Like, in a box on my doorstep. Yeah, people know I'm the animals guy. It happens.
VERONICA: Can I see the box?
Bronson is surprised. Cut to a little later, in another room. Bronson and Parker are watching as Veronica picks up the shredded paper from the box.
PARKER: So...Amy seems nice. Mac, standing next to Veronica, is horrified.
PARKER: How long have you been together?
BRONSON: Uh, nineteen years.
Parker looks at him with a double-take.
BRONSON: She's my sister. Parker nods and grins.
PARKER: Oh. She and Bronson leave the room. Veronica and Mac are smiling. Veronica is stuffing the shredded paper into her bag. Mac watches with concern.
MAC: So, um, are you going to tell Pauline and Gil Thomas about the rats?
VERONICA: They're clients. I kinda have to.
Veronica steps past her to leave the room. Mac isn't happy.
EXT - BEACH, LOGAN'S CAR - NIGHT.
Logan, the recent recipient of a blowjob, endures Taylor's kiss on the mouth as she rises, then wipes his mouth quickly.
TAYLOR: Boy, oh, boy. You are bad. Taylor is excited and giggly. Logan is deeply unhappy with the situation as he attends to his zip.
TAYLOR: Man, I can't believe I just did that with Aaron Echolls' son. This goes down like a lead balloon with Logan. Taylor, oblivious, giggles.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LAB - DAY.
The scene opens on the picture Veronica took of some of the rats, these black, white, and black-and-white. Pauline and Gil Thomas are sitting at one of the tables. Veronica is standing behind them, leaning on the backs of their chairs.
VERONICA: They were in a rat habitat in Bronson Pope's bedroom. He said someone dropped them off.
PAULINE: Dropped off? Funny. What about Twenty-five?
VERONICA: He says he didn't get the monkey, but you have the rat photos, so it-
PAULINE: Can we get the sheriff's department to get a search warrant?
Veronica's cell starts to ring.
VERONICA: Excuse me. Veronica walks away from the table to take the call.
VERONICA: Hello.
MAC: [on phone] Veronica, hey. I found something interesting in this hard drive.
EXT - POPE RESIDENCE - DAY.
Bronson opens the front door. He doesn't look too surprised to see Deputy Sacks.
SACKS: We got a report about some stolen rats. Got a warrant. Sacks holds out a piece of paper and steps inside. Bronson takes it and starts to read.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, MAC AND PARKER'S DORM ROOM - DAY.
Veronica, looking thwarted, steps into Mac's room. Mac, working on the bed, grins.
MAC: Hey! Mac races over to her computer on her desk as Veronica shuts the door behind her.
MAC: So, you know, I figured some sort of liquid was poured over the computer with all the research on it. I had to remove the ram card to let it dry out, but-
VERONICA: You told Bronson?
Mac doesn't respond. Veronica approaches her, disappointed.
VERONICA: The cops raided the place, and the rats were gone.
MAC: I didn't want him to get into trouble. I believe him. I'm sorry.
Veronica sighs. Mac reaches into one of her drawers and brings out a small plastic bag.
MAC: I found these on the motherboard. Veronica takes the bag and looks at the contents.
VERONICA: Looks like little leaves.
MAC: Do you think it means anything?
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, EMMY'S LAB - DAY.
Emmy is not pleased to see Veronica.
EMMY: Oh, good. You. Veronica waves the plastic bag.
VERONICA: We found these in Pauline and Gil Thomas' hard drive, some sort of leaves. Any idea where they might have come from? Emmy impatiently grabs the bag and gives the leaves a cursory look. She sighs and opens the bag. She takes out a pinch and smells the contents.
EMMY: Congratulations. You just narrowed down the suspects to anyone who had access to green tea.
VERONICA: Green teeth?
Emmy grabs a container of green tea from a shelf above her. In taking it down, she reveals a plastic banana hidden behind it. Emmy notices that Veronica has seen the banana.
EMMY: I stole it off Twenty-five's cage a few weeks ago. The sound was driving me nuts on the weekends. Emmy takes the banana down and hands it to Veronica. Veronica stares at the banana. She squeezes it, causing it to produce a squeaking sound.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LAB - DAY.
Veronica goes into the empty lab. She checks the counter where the kettle is and finds green tea. She ponders.
INT - MARS RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Veronica is working at the light box in her bedroom. She has paste some of the strips of shredded paper onto a sheet of paper. The resulting completed sheet is a picture of a girl with little on.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: In the movies, when they piece back together shredded magazines, they always find an address sticker. All I've found are near-naked ladies.
INT - PARDY RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Gil Thomas walks down the hallway to his apartment. He stops short when he sees Veronica waiting for him outside the door to his apartment. She is holding the plastic banana.
VERONICA: Did you name him? Is that what happened? Gil Thomas scoffs.
GIL THOMAS: Named who?
VERONICA: Twenty-five.
Veronica points at the door with the banana.
VERONICA: I heard him behind the door. Sounds like he misses you. Veronica holds the banana out to Gil Thomas, who sighs. Cut to inside the apartment. Twenty-five is enjoying himself, playing with a toy car. He drops it and runs over to Gil Thomas, sitting on an armchair opposite Veronica. The monkey settles on Gil Thomas' lap.
VERONICA: There were tea leaves in the hard drive. You just grabbed the handiest thing around and poured it in the drive?
GIL THOMAS: Pauline's the one who drinks tea.
VERONICA: But I'm guessing she doesn't subscribe to...lad magazines. When reassembled, the shredded pages from the rat box were mostly almost-naked babes making almost-naughty quotes.
The monkey has jumped up to the back of the armchair, leaning on Gil Thomas' head, giving him the appearance of wearing a fur hat.
VERONICA: You knew you could pin the break-in on PHAT, and you knew Bronson would take care of your lab rats. The monkey jumps back down and sits down next to Gil Thomas. Gil Thomas smiles indulgently.
GIL THOMAS: I started coming in on the weekends to catch up on work. I bought him a few toys, let him play with them while Pauline wasn't around. He holds up the banana.
GIL THOMAS: His favourite, by the way. Always had to take it back before I left. One day, I'm halfway out the door, when I turn around and he's holding it out through the bars for me. He knew I was leaving. You know why we don't name them? Because, to do the work, we have to turn our compassion off, because things are harder to kill when they've got a name. The monkey moves back into Gil Thomas' lap.
GIL THOMAS: Veronica Mars...meet Oscar. Veronica watches them and smiles.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, LAB - DAY.
Veronica enters the lab. Pauline is standing next to a man who is sitting at a table, working on a computer. Gil Thomas arrives from the back of the room.
PAULINE: Oh, Veronica, this is, uh, Professor McGregor. You said you had news. Gil Thomas waits anxiously.
VERONICA: Um... Veronica holds out a cheque.
VERONICA: Here's your cheque back. I wasn't able to find him, I'm afraid. Gil Thomas is relieved.
PAULINE: Oh, those idiots at PHAT! They're paving the road to hell.
VERONICA: Well, the good news is, Mac was able to recover most of your hard drive.
MCGREGOR: Oh, for crying out loud, I thought you said you were getting him back.
PAULINE: I said I thought we were.
MCGREGOR: Well, the data could still be useful as a comparison.
The professor starts tapping on his computer.
MCGREGOR: If we can rush-order another one, we might-
VERONICA: Another one?
MCGREGOR: Yeah. We should have another monkey in another...six days. Science marches on.
Veronica is not happy to hear this.
EXT - POPE RESIDENCE - NIGHT.
Mac walks up to Bronson's door. She hesitates a moment and knocks. When there is no immediate response, she shuts her eyes and turns to hurry away. The door opens behind her.
BRONSON: Mac!
Music: "Fair" by Annuals.
LYRICS: I know there's no hope in holding up this weight It just won't float Man, I tried, but the tide It knows no sides If that's what's not fair, then what could be wrong with my life? If that's what's not fair, then what could be wrong with my life? Maybe she needs love to put the bottle down Maybe she needs me to be around The pain in her stare is drawing me shapes Oh, so fair The pain in her stare is making me wish I was there With something to declare Well it's quite possible I won't make it out alive Because I'm quite sure that I could die Because what's best is what's left when nothing is left but the sound of The rain on your head, a woman asleep in your bed Dreaming in my bed Something's got to happen Now
Bronson steps out and Mac turns back.
BRONSON: Hi.
MAC: Hi. Bronson. I was just...wasn't just in the neighbourhood. I was more actually coming by because I was wondering...
Bronson, smiling, nods to encourage her.
MAC: What I'm trying to say, or ask, is, I guess...do you like movies?
BRONSON: Um, yeah.
MAC: Because they're doing 2001 in 70-millimeter tomorrow night and-
BRONSON: Yeah. Let's go.
MAC: Um, okay. Great.
Mac giggles.
MAC: Bye, then. Mac turns and starts down the steps. Bronson looks up at the heavens, thanking his lucky stars. As Mac reaches the bottom step she turns and hurries back up the steps. She kisses Bronson and he kisses her right back.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - NIGHT.
Veronica pays for some food in the all-but deserted Food Court. She glances over at the radio station. Piz is in the booth. He looks up and sees her. He smiles and holds up a hand. She smiles back.
PIZ: [offscreen] It's kind of lame, but a really hot girl band is playing at the Roxy. It's a little later and Piz has joined Veronica at a table in the Food Court.
PIZ: So they all went out to try and score, which is both never going to happen and ridiculous, so I just took a shift to get out of it.
VERONICA: I know how you feel. I mean, different team, sure, but the whole chasing, hooking-up, people-go-round. Parker has been going nuts, like I'm some sort of freak because I'm not grabbing anything within ten feet. It's exhausting.
PIZ: Totally. I mean, it's like music. You know, I love music, but it doesn't mean I have to listen to it at all times and anything will do. I'm not going to throw in a Hasselhoff CD just because I left my Nico Case in the car.
VERONICA: Like, why bother with something that's not good? Because if it's not good...
PIZ: It's bad. Exactly. But these guys were all like, "as long as she's got a pair of..."
Piz cups his hands in front of his chest, then notes Veronica's raised eyebrows.
PIZ: You know, it was indelicate.
VERONICA: What's indelicate about shoes?
PIZ: I figure, you know, I mean, I know what I like. Why waste my time?
VERONICA: Like, why bother with something not good just because it's something?
PIZ: Especially when you know the difference, which not many people do. I mean, do you?
VERONICA: I...I think I do.
PIZ: You see, I think that's like ninety percent of life, just knowing the difference.
Veronica considers this. Piz grins. They carry on chatting as Veronica finishes her food.
INT - LOGAN'S SUITE, NEPTUNE GRAND HOTEL - NIGHT.
Logan is alone, sitting on the couch, looking sad. There's a knock at the door. He looks up but doesn't react until there is a second knock. He walks to the door and opens it. Veronica is standing outside. They stare at each other with longing. Veronica rushes into his arms and they kiss passionately. Logan uses his foot to slam shut the door. End music: "Fair" by Annuals.
INT - BAR - NIGHT.
Music: "Long Long Time" by Linda Ronstadt.
LYRICS: Everything I know to try and make you mine... And I think I'm gonna love you for a long, long time Caught in my fears Blinking back the tears I can't say you hurt me when you never let me near And I never drew one response from you All the while you fell all over girls you never knew Cause I've done everything I know to try and make you mine And I think it's gonna hurt me for a long long time Wait for the day You'll go away Knowing that you warned me of the price I'd have to pay And life's full of flaws Who knows the cause?
Keith, having put this on the jukebox, moves to the bar counter where Landry is sitting, nursing a drink. Keith takes a seat a couple of stools from Landry.
BARTENDER: What'll you have?
KEITH: Scotch, please.
Landry glances at him and the two men acknowledge each other with a nod.
KEITH: It's a hell of a song. Landry nods. Keith's drink arrives.
BARTENDER: Here you go.
KEITH: Thanks. Wish someone felt that way about me. You married?
LANDRY: Nope.
KEITH: Involved?
Landry smiles and takes a belt of his drink.
LANDRY: Somewhat. Keith makes a toast.
KEITH: To women.
LANDRY: Women.
Both men drink.
KEITH: What's she like?
LANDRY: What are they all like?
KEITH: Crazy. Or we are. I haven't figured it out yet.
LANDRY: Probably us.
Keith chuckles and shakes his head.
KEITH: What's the craziest thing you ever did for a woman? Landry doesn't respond.
KEITH: I knew this girl once, best-looking woman the world had ever produced, as far as I could tell. She tells me her ex-boyfriend's bothering her, always showing up at the same parking lot she hangs out in with her friends. So one night, I went and I filled a jelly jar with gasoline, stuck a rag in it, figuring, Molotov cocktail. I'll light the guy's car on fire. No more bother in the parking lot. She'll be impressed.
LANDRY: You torched a guy's car?
KEITH: You ever light a rag soaked in straight gasoline? Thing exploded in my hands. I torched my car.
Landry laughs.
LANDRY: Must have been a hell of a girl.
KEITH: What the hell was I thinking? Have you ever done anything like that?
Landry gives Keith an appraising look.
LANDRY: That why you put this song on, Keith? I read your book, all the way to your picture in the back. So, no, I've never done anything like that, like, for instance, kill Cyrus O'Dell for a woman. I wrote a book, too, about profiling, reading people. Landry drains his drink and rises from his seat.
LANDRY: Maybe you should check it out. Landry exits, leaving Keith thwarted. End music: "Long Long Time" by Linda Ronstadt.
INT - MARS INVESTIGATIONS - DAY.
Mindy is in Keith's office.
KEITH: I've thought it over, Mrs. O'Dell. I'll take the case.
MINDY: Good. Thank you. So, uh, what made up your mind?
KEITH: Just...the scotch.
INT - HEARST COLLEGE, FOOD COURT - DAY.
Music: "Greenland" by the Kingsbury Manx. Veronica is sitting at one of the tables, staring into space. She looks up as Piz approaches.
PIZ: Hah. And good morning.
Piz slides into the seat opposite her.
VERONICA: Oh, morning, Piz.
PIZ: I was actually figuring, you got dinner last night, maybe I could spring for breakfast.
VERONICA: Oh, um, actually-
Logan arrives bearing a tray which he sets in front of Veronica.
LOGAN: As ordered. Logan takes the seat next to her as she smiles at him.
LOGAN: Hey, Piz, what's new? Piz, gutted, looks from one to the other. He swallows hard.
PIZ: Uh, nothing, apparently. I'll, um, I'll let you guys... Piz rises makes a quick exit. Veronica stares after him as Logan stares at her. End.
End music: "Greenland" by the Kingsbury Manx. | Plan: A: Six weeks later; Q: How long after Dean O'Dell's death was his death ruled a suicide? A: Keith; Q: Who did Mindy O'Dell ask to investigate Dean's death? A: his insurance policy; Q: What does not cover suicide? A: Veronica; Q: Who is upset that Logan broke up with her? A: animal rights activists; Q: What are Mac and Veronica pretending to be? A: a missing lab monkey; Q: What do Mac and Veronica go undercover to find? A: Piz; Q: Who is trying to ask Veronica out? A: things; Q: What does Veronica talk to Piz about not letting slip by? A: her life; Q: What does Veronica want Logan back in? Summary: Six weeks later, Dean O'Dell's death has been ruled a suicide. Mindy O'Dell asks Keith to investigate the Dean's death because his insurance policy does not cover suicide. Mac and Veronica go undercover as animal rights activists to find a missing lab monkey. Veronica talks to Piz about not letting things slip by, not realizing that he is trying to ask her out. Logan is upset after breaking up with Veronica and she realises that she wants Logan back in her life and shows up at his door and the pair decide to get back together. |
It shows a clip of Rick at home looking at the gun, then it goes to outside the school
Emma: They can't air the quiz show Toby.
Toby: Yes they can. They just cut before the paint pours on Rick.
JT: Which is now officially my new favorite mental image!
Toby: You know what?! You wouldn't think it was so funny if it happened to you.
Danny: I would! And speaking of hysterical images...
(Rick is walking towards the front door still covered in the paint and feathers, holding tightly onto his backpack.)
Toby: What's Rick doing back at school? I should go talk to him...
Emma: Go right ahead.
Toby: Rick! Rick! Raditch is going supernova. He's gonna find out who did it.
Rick: And what? Give them detention?
Toby: Just saying, I'm sure it'd be cool if you skipped the rest of the day.
Rick: Toby, this is the one time I actually want to be at school.
In a classroom, Mr. Raditch is talking on the TV screen, Alex and Jay looking happy as he talks
Mr. Raditch: Twenty five years as an educator I have never, never been so embarrassed to be associated with this school. Whomever was responsible for the incident this morning should be ashamed of themselves and let me assure you that the perpetrator or perpetrators responsible for this will be found out and punished severely. If anyone has any information please speak to me immediately. I assure your confidentiality. Thank you. In Ms. Kwan's room
Ms. Kwan: So. Back to 1984.
JT: So how's the big yellow loser?
Toby: That's really nice JT.
JT: I hope he just gets the hint and leaves and uh you'll have to find a new gamer geek friend. Outside on the basketball courts
Spinner: And then when the feathers came down! Oh!
Jimmy: Cut the guy some slack Spin. He's not that bad.
Spinner: Yeah ok! Oh chicken boy! Oh chicken boy! I love your wealth of knowledge and I, I love you.
Jimmy: I'm glad you think this is funny.
Spinner: Did you see the guys face? Definition of funny!
Jimmy: What kind of person does that?
Spinner: One, a genius. And two! If you rat on me-
Jimmy: What?! No really what are you gonna do? Yeah that's what I thought. Look save the bully crap for someone who won't fight back. And you better do something about it now before I do.
(Spinner and Jimmy start fighting and Mr. Armstrong comes and breaks it up.)
Mr. Armstrong: Hey! Hey! Save it for the game guys!
At Joey's house
Caitlin: But this is your home! I mean what about Craig and Angela?
Joey: Craig, Angela and I can live in a smaller place. It's either that or the dealership.
Caitlin: Yeah, but-
Joey: Yeah but you know if there was a way to keep both I'd be all over it. Look I got to head back to the dealership, but we're on for coffee later right?
Caitlin: Yeah.
Joey: Ah, make yourself at home, while I still have one. In the cafeteria
(Paige sees Rick still covered in the paint and feathers and walks up to him. He puts his hand on his gun and slowly starts bringing it out.)
Paige: Look I know we're not exactly best friends, but I wanted to say that I thought the whole paint and feathers job was sickening. It was really childish.
(Rick puts the gun back in the bag.)
Rick: I'm sorry...for hurting Terri.
(Paige nods then walks away.)
At Rick's locker
(Rick puts his jacket and backpack in his locker and slams the door shut.)
At Sydney's office
Caitlin: Knock knock!
Sydney: Caitlin. You're here.
Caitlin: I just got back this morning...to find Joey's house for sale and your name on the sign.
Sydney: Look before you say anything I'm just helping Joe out as a favor, no strings attached so you don't need to worry about us.
Caitlin: How much is he asking?
Sydney: 400. Why?
Caitlin: How does 350 sound?
Sydney: Sounds like $50, 000 less than the house is worth.
Caitlin: Alright, 375!
Sydney: Does Joe know about this?
Caitlin: Not yet, and until it's a done deal I'd prefer he not. So if he asks just tell him it's an anonymous offer.
(Sydney nods and they shake hands.)
Caitlin: Sydney it's been an unexpected pleasure.
In the boys washroom
(Rick is washing his face and hears Spinner and Jay coming so he hides in the stall.)
Spinner: Jay listen! Raditch knows man!
(Jay sees Rick in the stall and knows he's listening.)
Jay: About Jimmy? Yeah I'm surprised nobody's figured it out yet.
Spinner: Dude!
(Jay grabs Spinner and shows him Rick's listening.)
Jay: Jimmy set the whole thing up perfectly. The way he got all those easy sports questions wrong.
Spinner: Yeah and made sure uh psycho boy was all alone in the final round.
Jay: Never would have happened without a man on the inside!
(They leave and Rick opens up the stall door.)
At Jimmy's locker, Rick walks up to Jimmy
Jimmy: How you holding up?
Rick: Good.
Jimmy: That's good. Kind of surprised to see you here this afternoon.
Rick: Yeah I bet you are.
Jimmy: Look I'm really sorry about everything ok? And if those guys give you any more problems, I got your back.
Rick: You stabbed me in the back.
Jimmy: What?
Rick: You set the whole thing up.
Jimmy: Rick come on I defended you.
(Rick pulls out the gun and points it at Jimmy.)
Jimmy: Is that real?
Rick: The whole time you pretended to be my friend. You made me do this.
(Rick looks away and shoots Jimmy in the back as he's trying to run away. He falls to the ground and Craig walks around the corner as people are running away.)
Craig: Oh! Jimmy!
(Kids are running away and Sean, Toby and Emma look to see what's going on. Rick sees them and starts walking towards them.)
Rick: Hi Emma. Sorry I kissed you.
Sean: He's got a gun ok, let's go!
Rick: Don't turn away from me! Glad I found you Emma. You made my list.
Toby: Rick what are you doing?
Rick: You flirted with me. I thought you liked me, but that was something else.
Sean: Just put the gun down ok? Anything else is just gonna make your life worse.
Rick: It can't get any worse.
Sean: Believe me it can. I know. We'll figure it all out okay?
Rick: Figure this all out? It's too late.
Sean: No.
Rick: I've already shot someone. (He points the gun right at Emma)
Toby: Stop!
(Sean and Rick are struggling and the gun goes off and both of them go down as Emma and Toby are watching.)
Outside the school
Mr. Raditch: (On the loudspeakers) Remain in your classes until further notice. Absolutely no one is to leave. Refer to lockdown protocol. And please remain calm.
Mrs. Kerwin: I got a phone call from the police. Kate Kerwin. My stepson Toby is...
(The cop checks it out on his radio and lets her through right as they're wheeling Jimmy out on a stretcher.)
Mrs. Kerwin: Jimmy?
Outside, somewhere
Joey: You are not gonna believe this but there is already an offer on the house!
Caitlin: Already? That's great!
Joey: Sydney has really come through and it's 10% above market value!
Caitlin: 10%?! Go Sydney...
Joey: I am back in business and with the extra money name a part of Toronto you've always wanted to live in.
Caitlin: Joey...
Joey: Danford, beaches...oh wait uh you just bought a house. In Riverdale. I may not be the craftiest guy in the corner but when my house sells in less than a day on the market.
Caitlin: How could I let you use it? You love that house.
Joey: Yeah I do. It's great. Enjoy it.
Cailtin: Joey ugh, can't you put your male pride aside for one second?
(Caitlin's cell phone starts to ring.)
Joey: This is about me raising my own family and running on my own business.
Caitlin: (answers her phone) Caitlin Ryan...Oh my god! I'm on my way.
Caitlin: We have to get to Degrassi now!
[SCENE_BREAK]
In the school
(Policemen are walking everywhere with guns, there's a police dog and police tape blocking off halls.)
In a room. Cops are talking to Sean at one table and Toby at another
Cop: Toby why do you think he did this?
Toby: I'm supposed to know!? Look the guy's a psycho okay. He's a total psycho.
Cop: Was he bullied? Teased?
Toby: Always! Every day. Constantly.
Cop: What did your friend do when someone-
Toby: Look he's not my friend. He's a psycho! And he's not my friend!
Cop: I'll give you some time... In another room with Spike, Snake and Emma
Mr. Simpson: He needed help Emma.
Emma: He pointed the gun right at me.
Spike: Oh honey...
Mr. Raditch: Archie?
Mr. Simpson: No I am busy here if you hadn't noticed!
Mr. Raditch: I'm sorry. They want to know if you can get into Rick's e-mail to look for signs. Warning signs.
Mr. Simpson: Of course, now the ground breaking 20/20 hindsight policy kicks into gear.
Mr. Raditch: I have 700 students and a teaching staff that I'm responsible for everyday. Don't get on my case because one kid overreacted to some spilled paint.
Mr. Simpson: Yeah, one kid who you've personally spoken to twice in the last two days. But did you listen?
Mr. Raditch: Of course I did.
Mr. Simpson: I bet you can't remember a word he said! This tragedy Dan, it could have been prevented if you hadn't...
Spike: Archie! Can you two do this later?!
Mr. Raditch: Emma, they're gonna want to speak to all of the witnesses. Outside the school
Caitlin: Caitlin Ryan. CQGH. Can you tell us anything?
Cop: We had a firearm situation. At least two shots have been fired.
Joey: There was gunshots in there? My kid's in there! Can I please just make sure he's ok?!?! Can I...
Cop: Sorry sir. The school is in lockdown. In a classroom
Paige: Okay I hate not knowing what's going on. (She gets on her cell)
Hazel: I know! It's been like forever. I need to go pee.
Ashley: Maybe it's an alarm.
Hazel: Bomb scare?
Ellie: Niner mid-term phobia strikes again.
(Paige closes her cell phone.)
Paige: Guys. My mom heard there was a shooting.
(Hazel looks at Jimmy's empty seat and then Ms. Sauve knocks on the classroom door.)
Ms. Sauve: Hazel could I see you in the hall?
In the hall
Ms. Sauve: Hazel. It's about Jimmy.
Hazel: No!
Ms. Sauve: He was shot.
Hazel: No...
Ms. Sauve: He's on his way to the hospital!
Hazel: No. No! I need to go! I need to go! I need to go...
Ms. Sauve: The lockdown will be over soon okay. We'll get you there. In the halls, the lockdown is over and all the students are leaving the rooms
Jay: Just relax. Everything's gonna be fine.
Alex: Why did I go along with all this.
Jay: I said relax! You're alive aren't you!? Spin! I thought that might have been you!
Spinner: It was Jimmy man! Jimmy! They're gonna find out. I have to-
Jay: No! You have to shut up okay?
Spinner: He's my best friend.
Jay: Either outcome I would say he WAS your best friend.
Spinner: We might have killed him!
Jay: We didn't do...
Spinner: We did! Outside the school
Caitlin: Craig!
Joey: Craig, are you okay?
Craig: Jimmy got shot!
Joey: What?!
Rachel Rhodes: Did you know the victim?
Cailtin: Rachel Rhodes?!
Craig: Don't call him victim! He has a name.
Rachel: Was he a target though? Were you? Did you see the shootings?
Caitlin: Stop right now!
Rachel: Share Caitlin!
Caitlin: No, I'm not covering this.
Rachel: Well then step aside and let me.
Caitlin: Here's a story for you. Local insensitive reporter pummeled by famous colleague.
(She gives Caitlin a dirty look then goes up to Toby.)
Rachel: You were the gunman's friend. Do you know who he was after or why he did it?
Toby: I don't know.
Rachel: Did you try and stop him?
Toby: What was I supposed to do?!
Mrs. Kerwin: Let's go.
Rachel: Did the gunman say anything before he died?
Toby: Died?!?
At the hospital
(Hazel and Paige are sitting together crying. Spinner walks up, Paige shakes her head at him and he walks away crying.)
At the Kerwin's house
Rachel Rhodes: (on the TV) Following this afternoon's double shooting one student is dead and another remains in serious condition. The suspect, a 16 year old boy, whose name cannot be released was the student found dead at the scene.
Mrs. Kerwin: Toby maybe you should turn that off now.
Spike: People do not get shot at Degrassi. They just don't.
Emma: You talk about Degrassi like it's achieved sainthood. It's a school!
Spike: That's my point.
Mr. Simpson: Look we just didn't...none of us took Rick's bullying seriously enough. It would be an understatement to say that he was unpopular.
Toby: Unpopular?!
Ashley: How about full on psycho?! Certified freak? The guy made us a lead story on the 6:00 news.
(Toby gets up and leaves the room.)
Mrs. Kerwin: Ashley...
Ashley: He shot Jimmy mom! I want an answer. Who was this guy who shot him, if not some psycho?!
(Toby slams the door.)
Emma: He was Toby's friend.
Back at the school
(There's flowers, pictures and candles on the steps and people are gathered around.)
At the hospital
Paige: (on the phone) No there's no change. I've got to go.
(Paige and Hazel are looking through the glass at Jimmy lying in the hospital bed. Spinner is lying on his bed crying. Sean and Ellie are watching the news at their house. Joey, Caitlin, Craig and Ang are watching the news too. Toby is outside the school and Emma walks up to him and puts her arm around him. Someone places a picture of Jimmy at the scene and Emma and Toby hug crying.)
Scenes for next week
Reporter: Your boyfriend's a hero, all I want to know is what it feels like!
Sean: Guess I'm about to find out.
Sean: (to the camera) Who says you can't go home again?!
Mrs. Cameron: What if that kid had shot my Sean? What if I never got to see my baby again?!
Voiceover: Dealing with the stress of the school tragedy.
Ellie: Maybe you should cool off a bit.
Voiceover: Sean heads home to confront his past.
Sean: Stop playing the poor abandoned mother role because nobody's buying it! | Plan: A: Rick's public humiliation; Q: What sends Rick over the edge? A: school; Q: Where does Rick go armed with a gun? A: revenge; Q: What is Rick looking for? A: innocent people; Q: Who is caught in Rick's destructive path? A: Degrassi; Q: What school is Rick a student at? Summary: Rick's public humiliation sends him over the edge, which causes him to come back to school armed with a gun and looking for revenge. As innocent people are caught in his destructive path, the unthinkable happens and nothing in Degrassi will ever be the same again. |
Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. Backstage in the Sunnydale High School auditorium. Emily is doing ballet stretching exercises. The camera shows her from the demon's point of view as he observes her from low to the floor.
Demon: (exhales) I will be whole. I will be new. (exhales) The camera moves through the backstage area. A number of students are practicing their acts. Among them are Lisa playing her tuba and Marc rehearsing his magic act. The camera eventually reaches Morgan and his dummy, Sid. Morgan rubs his temples a moment and then looks around. Cut to the stage. Cordelia is singing "The Greatest Love of All" off key.
Cordelia: Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. I decided long ago...
Cut to Giles in the seats. He does *not* want to be there.
Cordelia: ...never to walk in anyone's shadow. (cut to Cordelia) If I fail, if I succeed, at least...
Giles: (interrupts) Thank you, Cordelia. Tha-that's going to be lovely.
Cordelia: But I didn't do the part with the sparklers!
Giles: Um, w-we'll, um... save that for the dress rehearsal. (anxious to get rid of her) Uh, Lisa! Please!
Cordelia: Uhhh! She puts the microphone back on its stand and leaves the stage as Lisa sets up with her tuba. Cut back to Giles as Lisa begins her solo. He rubs his eyes. Buffy, Willow and Xander come down the center aisle.
Buffy: (draws a breath) If it isn't the great producer! They go into the seats and sit around Giles.
Xander: Had to see this to believe it.
Giles: Oh. You three.
Buffy: The school talent show. How ever did you finagle such a primo assignment?
Giles: Our new Führer, Mr. Snyder.
Willow: I think they call 'em 'principals' now.
Giles: Mm. He thought it would behoove me to have more contact with the students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to (draws a breath) minimize said contact, but, uh, he would have none of it.
Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
Giles: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped.
Buffy: Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch!
Xander: And mock!
Willow: And laugh! They all laugh.
Buffy: O-kay. I think maybe we better leave our Mr. Giles to this business he calls a show. The three of them get up and start back up the aisle. Principal Snyder is waiting there for them.
Buffy: Principal Snyder!
Snyder: So. We think school events are stupid, and we think authority figures are to be made fun of.
Buffy: No! No, we don't. W-unless you do.
Snyder: And we think our afternoon classes are optional. All three of you left campus yesterday.
Buffy: Yeah, but we were fighting a demon...
Snyder: Fighting?
Buffy: Not fighting.
Xander: No, we, uh, left to *avoid* fighting.
Snyder: Real anti-social types. You need to integrate into this school, people. (crosses his arms) I think I just found three eager new participants for the talent show.
Buffy: What?
Xander: No!
Willow: Please?
Snyder: I've been watching you three. Always getting into one scrape or another.
Buffy: Well, we're really, really sorry, but about the talent show, pleeease, you can't make us...
Snyder: (interrupts) My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in *my* world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time. He starts past them down toward the stage.
Xander: Can I just mention, that detention is a time-honored form of punishment? Buffy nods vigorously in agreement.
Snyder: I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for the school to watch. And mock. And laugh. At. He continues down to the stage. Xander can't believe this. He points up with both index fingers and sits down in a seat.
Xander: No! Buffy spaces out and moans. She goes back into Giles' row, sits next to him and looks to him for sympathy. He has none to give, and tries to hide a smirk. The tuba solo is over. Willow just stands there with a big frown on her face.
Giles: (to Lisa) Thank you! The next act sets up. It's Morgan with his dummy, Sid.
Buffy: Ewww, dummy!
Xander: (sees a mime and jumps in his seat) Dyow! Mime!
Willow: (sits behind Buffy) I think dummies are cute. You don't?
Buffy: Uuuhhh. They give me the wig. Ever since I was little.
Willow: What happened?
Buffy: I saw a dummy. It gave me the wig. There really wasn't a story there.
Morgan: (on stage) Hi. I'm Morgan. (moves the dummy's head) And I'm Sid! He is an awful ventriloquist, and Giles winces. Buffy raises her eyebrows and stares in disbelief.
Morgan: (as Sid) Hey Morgan, would you like to tell some jokes? (as himself) Would I! (as Sid) As a matter of fact, it is! It's also a wood nose, and a wood mouth! Willow can't believe his act either. Morgan laughs nervously for Sid. Buffy looks at Giles. He takes off his glasses.
Morgan: (as Sid) I didn't sleep at all last night.
Sid: Alright, time out. Let's stop this before someone gets hurt. (to Morgan) Kid, you are the worst. Even I can see your lips move. Buffy starts to giggle. Giles looks up again and puts his glasses back on, intrigued now that he sees he may have at least one good act.
Morgan: C'mon, Sid. You're spoiling my act. I worked on these jokes for weeks.
Sid: You call those jokes? My jockey shorts are made out of better material. A few students have gathered at the edge of the stage to watch Morgan's act and laugh.
Sid: And they're edible! More laughs from the students. Buffy, Willow and Xander are into it now, too.
Giles: There, you see? I'm sure you three can come up with something... equally exciting. Sid smiles.
Cut to the girls' locker room. Emily is changing back into her regular clothes. She puts her ballet outfit and shoes into her locker and closes it. She hears a noise.
Emily: Is anybody there? She walks to the end of the row of lockers and peeks around the corner.
Emily: Hello? She walks around to the next row of lockers. No one's there. The demon exhales as it watches her from low to the floor.
Emily: Hello? She continues down the row toward the showers. The demon comes up behind her. Emily turns and screams. Fade to black.
Demon: I will be flesh! Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ The talent show tryouts.
Marc: I reach into the hat, and out... comes... He lifts the hat and looks around frantically.
Marc: Has anybody seen a rabbit? He begins to search along the floor. The camera follows Elliot as he juggles and walks past Marc toward Lisa, then it follows her for a few steps. The camera pulls back to Xander, Willow and Buffy practicing a dramatic scene. Xander poses with his right arm in the air to begin his line.
Xander: I can't do this!
Buffy: Xander, come on.
Xander: I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this! He goes over to the steps at the side of the stage to sit. Willow follows him.
Willow: A dramatic scene is the easiest way to get through the talent show, because it doesn't require an actual talent. (sits above him)
Xander: But we have talent. We can do stuff. Buffy, uh...
Buffy: (also sitting now) What am I gonna do? Slay vampires on stage?
Willow: Maybe in a funny way!
Xander: Willow, you can do stuff. Uh, the piano...
Buffy: You play?
Willow: A little.
Buffy: Well, that's cool. You can accompany us and we can *attempt* to sing.
Willow: Oh, i-in front of other people? Then, no, I don't play...
Xander: Whatever happened to corporal punishment? Sid whistles at the girls. Xander, Buffy and Willow look at him and Morgan.
Sid: Mm, mm, mm. Look at the goodies! Morgan looks embarrassed. Willow gets up and goes over to him.
Willow: Morgan, you're really getting good! Where did you come up with that voice?
Morgan: It's kind of an imitation of my dad.
Buffy: Sounds real!
Sid: It is real. I'm the one with the talent here. The kid's dead weight. (to Willow) How about you and I do a little rehearsin' on our own, honey?
Xander: Uh, hey!
Sid: You know what they say: once you go wood, nothin's as good!
Buffy: Okay, Morgan. We get the joke. Horny dummy, ha, ha, it's very funny, but you might wanna consider getting some new schtick. Unless you want your prop ending up as a Duraflame log. Morgan and Sid exchange a look.
Cut to a view of the seats from above. Principal Snyder and Giles come in through the doors at the back of the auditorium. The camera slowly pans down to them as they walk down the aisle.
Snyder: Kids today need discipline. That's an unpopular word these days, 'discipline'. I know Principal Flutie would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.' That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
Giles: I, I think perhaps it was a little more complex than, um...
Snyder: This place has quite a reputation. Suicide, missing persons, spontaneous cheerleader combustion... You can't put up with that. You've gotta keep an eye on the bad element. They reach the stage and stop. The camera has closed in on them. Snyder nods up towards the stage.
Snyder: Like those three.
Cut to Buffy, Willow and Xander practicing their dramatic scene. Cut to Snyder.
Snyder: Kids. I don't like them. From now on you're gonna see a very different Sunnydale High. Tight ship, clean, orderly, (faces Giles) and quiet.
Cut to the girls' locker room. A girl screams loudly when she discovers Emily's body.
Cut to later as the paramedics prepare the body for transport. Giles comes out of the locker room into the hall. He ducks under the yellow police tape and goes over to the team.
Giles: (clears his throat) It was Emily.
Willow: Emily. Dancer Emily?
Xander: Oh, man! I hate this school.
Giles: Uh, it must have happened just after, uh, dress rehearsals. There was a cross-country meet at Melville. She, she, she never showed up for it.
Buffy: Vampire?
Giles: Um, I think not.
Buffy: Giles, share! What happened?
Giles: (exhales) Her heart was removed.
Willow: Yikes!
Buffy: Does that mean anything to you? Besides (shudders) ooooooo?
Giles: Uh... (exhales) There are various demons which, which feed off human hearts, but... They look back and see the knife being put into an evidence bag.
Buffy: But demons have claws. And teeth.
Xander: They got no use for a big old knife.
Giles: Which more than likely makes our murderer...
Buffy: Human.
Xander: Did I mention that I *hate* this school?
Willow: So Emily was killed by a regular human person.
Giles: The evidence certainly points that way.
Buffy: No, wait. I-I'm not buying, you guys. Remember the Hellmouth? Mystical activity is totally rife here. This to me says demon.
Giles: I'd like to think you're right. A demon is a creature of evil, pure and very simple. A person driven to kill is, is, um, it's more complex.
Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! (gets looks from them all) It's not, though.
Giles: Uh, demon or no, we have some investigating to do. I suggest we start with your... your talent show compatriots. One of them may have been the last to see her alive.
Cut to the band room. Buffy is interviewing Lisa.
Lisa: I didn't know her too well. There's that whole dancer/band rivalry, y'know?
Buffy: I've heard about that.
Lisa: But I did speak to her a little the day that... yesterday.
Buffy: How did she seem?
Cut to outside, where Giles is interviewing Marc as he shuffles a deck of cards.
Marc: She was happy. I guess. She was psyched to be doing the show. She was a really good dancer. Here, pick a card.
Giles: Uh, um... (reaches for a card)
Marc: No, wai-wai-wai-wait. Not that one. Pick this one.
Giles: (takes the card) Do you remember the last time you saw her?
Marc: She was talkin' to someone.
Giles: Who?
Cut to a classroom. Willow and Elliot come in.
Elliot: That smart guy. The one with the dummy. What's his name?
Willow: Morgan?
Elliot: Yeah, that's it. He was actin' kinda strange.
Willow: Strange how? Cut outside to cheerleader practice. Xander is talking to Cordelia.
Cordelia: It's just such a tragedy for me. Emma was, like, my best friend.
Xander: Emily.
Cut to the band room.
Lisa: Well, Morgan's just strange. He's always rubbing his head a lot and moaning. Especially the other day. Cut outside.
Marc: He seemed kinda paranoid... Lookin' around at everyone...
Cut to the classroom.
Elliot: And I think I saw him arguing... with his dummy. Cut outside.
Cordelia: All I can think is, it coulda been me!
Xander: We can dream.
Cut to the auditorium. Buffy comes in through the front side door. She looks around and walks over to the stage. She sees Sid on a stool, facing the curtain.
Sid: (to Morgan offstage) Right now you and me gotta be on the lookout. Figure out who's gonna be next.
Morgan: (comes on stage) How are we supposed to... (sees Buffy) Oh, hi.
Buffy: Hello.
Morgan: I was just working on throwing my voice. (walks upstage)
Buffy: Uh, Morgan, did you notice anything weird going on around here yesterday?
Morgan: (gathers Sid up) Weird? What d'you mean? (goes down the steps from the stage)
Buffy: With Emily. Did she say anything to you, was she arguing with anyone?
Morgan: (goes over to Sid's case) No. She was dancing. (opens the case) Sid and I were talking.
Buffy: Talking.
Morgan: Rehearsing.
Buffy: So, you didn't notice anything weird at... He holds his hand to his forehead in pain and sits down.
Morgan: Ohhh!
Buffy: Morgan, are you okay?
Sid: Look, sweetheart! He answered your question. Now leave him alone! Morgan's pain has subsided, and he looks up at Buffy.
Buffy: Okay, Morgan, how 'bout talking to me yourself now?
Sid: He said all he's gonna say. Morgan looks nervously between Buffy and Sid. He gets up.
Morgan: It's okay, Sid. We're done. (puts Sid in his case)
Buffy: I'm sorry. Look, I didn't mean to make you mad.
Morgan: No! I'm... (quietly) It's him! (indicates Sid) He's... (closes the case) We have to go. (grabs the case and leaves)
Buffy: (taken aback) Cute couple.
Cut to the library. Willow, Buffy and Xander come in.
Xander: Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we woulda had another organ donor.
Willow: I think I had a bit more luck. Everyone I talked to seemed to point their fingers at the same person. They all come into Giles' office.
Buffy: Morgan?
Willow: Morgan.
Xander: We have a winner!
Giles: I fear I was led to the same conclusion.
Xander: Well, what do we do? We don't slay him, right? We wanna bring him to justice.
Willow: We could set up a complex sting operation where we get him to confess!
Xander: Uh, I should wear a wire!
Buffy: Whoa, hey, you guys, all we know is that Morgan is a grade A large weirdo. That doesn't lead directly to murderer.
Xander: Guy talks to his puppet!
Willow: And for his puppet.
Buffy: Well, yeah, but what about the whole 'it's a demon' theory?
Giles: I'm looking into that, but, uh, my investigation is somewhat... hampered by our life in the theater.
Buffy: Uh, priority check, Giles? (weighs the two with her hands) Talent show, murder.
Xander: Yeah, we can't do the talent show, it's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it!
Giles: Principal Snyder is watching us all very closely. Now, if he chooses, he can make all our lives extremely difficult. A Slayer cannot afford that! We will find this murderer, but in the meantime... the show must go on.
Buffy: This is so unfair.
Giles: Buffy, you, uh, watch Morgan. Check his locker, see if there's anything there.
Willow: Like a heart?
Giles: Or something.
Buffy: Alright.
Willow: I'll pull up his locker number. (goes to the PC)
Xander: Can I still wear a wire?
Cut to the hall after school. Buffy quietly comes through the doors from the stairwell, looking around to see if anyone's there. She passes a door. It opens, but Buffy doesn't see it, only hears the sound. Cut to a shot of her through the door from low to the floor. She twists around to look behind her toward the sound, but doesn't realize it was the door that's now ajar. She goes back to looking for Morgan's locker and finds it. She starts to work the combination.
Buffy: Okay... Two to the left, three to the right... She looks in both directions again, and then slams her palm into the lock. When she takes her hand away there's a clean hole. She reaches in with her fingers and undoes the latch. She looks around in the locker, and is about to take Sid's case out when Principal Snyder grabs her hand from behind, startling her.
Buffy: Principal Snyder!
Snyder: What are you doing?
Buffy: Uh, looking for something.
Snyder: School hours are over. You, therefore, should be gone.
Buffy: And I'm going any minute now. (laughs nervously)
Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking.
Buffy: Well, I don't do any of those things. Not... ever.
Snyder: (suspicious) There's something going on with you. I'll figure it out sooner or later. (Buffy smiles) Do you need something here?
Buffy: Oh! (looks into the locker) Yeah! Right! Um, a friend wanted me to get something... out of his case! She pulls the case partially out of the locker, opens it and is surprised to find it empty. She quickly closes it and looks at Snyder.
Buffy: He must've taken it and just forgotten to tell me.
Snyder: Mm-hmm. Morgan and Sid see what's going on from behind the door.
Snyder: Get along home now. It's late. He turns and heads down the hall. Buffy watches him go.
Cut to the stage. Sid is in the chair. Morgan paces.
Morgan: No, I can't do it!
Sid: It's the only way.
Morgan: I don't want...
Sid: She's the one.
Morgan: But...
Sid: You saw what she did, how strong she is.
Morgan: I know, but...
Sid: She's the last! Just this one more, and I'll be free.
Morgan: I won't.
Sid: I will!
Cut to Buffy's room at home. Her mom knocks on the door and comes in.
Joyce: Hi, hon. How's it, uh, going with the talent show?
Buffy: It'll be over soon.
Joyce: (lets out a laugh) It can't be that bad! I, for one, am looking forward to seeing your act.
Buffy: Seeing? I-in the sense of actually attending?
Joyce: Of course!
Buffy: Uh-uh! No, Mom, y-y-you can't! And, I mean, if I know you're out there watching, I'll freeze up, stage fright.
Joyce: But I wanna support what you're doing!
Buffy: Look, Mom, if you really love me, and wanna show your support, you'll stay away. Far away.
Joyce: Honey, is there, uh... Is there something bothering you? I-I mean, besides your fabulous debut.
Buffy: Nothing. There's just a lot going on right now.
Joyce: Well. Get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning.
Buffy: Good plan. Joyce leaves the room and closes the door behind her. Buffy gets into bed. The camera follows her hand as she reaches over to turn off her lamp in front of the window. When it goes out Sid is there looking in. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ Buffy's room. She's sleeping. She wakes to the sound of quick, light footsteps and sits up. More footsteps. She sees something go under her bed and leans over the edge to look underneath. Nothing. She comes back up and sees Sid there, screams, and knocks him off of the bed. Sid runs away. Buffy quickly gets out of bed as her mother rushes into the room and turns on the light.
Joyce: Honey, what is it?
Buffy: (comes over to her mom, frightened) In the bed, in the covers there's something!
Joyce: Where? They go to the bed to investigate.
Buffy: There's something there. Joyce grabs the covers and goes through them.
Joyce: Well, well, there, there's nothing there now. Are, are you sure you didn't have a nightmare?
Buffy: No! There's some... There is... (exhales and puts her hands on her head) Yeah... You're probably right. (exhales and drops her hands) I'm sorry I got you up.
Joyce: Don't worry about it. I was dreaming about bills. (kisses Buffy's forehead) Sweetheart, you shouldn't (points) go to sleep with the window open. She touches her daughter's cheek, then leaves the room. Buffy looks at her window.
Buffy: (confused) I didn't.
Cut to Sunnydale High School.
Marc: And my lovely assistant steps into the box...
Cut to the stage in the auditorium. Marc's assistant steps into the box. He closes the door and turns it around.
Marc: And... behold! He opens the box, but his assistant is still there.
Marc: You were supposed to leave! Xander and Willow are in the seats watching and laughing. Marc closes the door to the box and butts his head against it. Giles comes out from backstage with Cordelia close behind.
Cordelia: I don't understand why I... why I have to follow Brett and his stupid band.
Giles: Because we have to clear their equipment before the finale. I told you.
Cordelia: But the mood! It'll be all wrong! (gets in front of him and stops him) My song is about dignity and human feelings and personal... hygiene or something. Anyway, it's sappy, and no one is gonna be feeling sappy after all that Rock and Roll. Giles doesn't want to hear it. He gives Cordelia a look like something's wrong.
Cordelia: Uhhh, what?
Giles: Oh! I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh...
Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair? (pulls it behind her ears) Giles remains silent, but continues to stare.
Cordelia: Ohmigod! (quickly leaves)
Giles: (to himself) Xander was right. It worked like a charm. He sees Buffy come down the aisle and goes over to her.
Giles: Hello. You look a bit worse for, uh... Buffy heads into the seats to Willow and Xander. Giles follows.
Giles: What exactly are you the worse for?
Buffy: Where's Morgan? (sits)
Giles: Uh, I, I... haven't seen him.
Xander: Did he do something to you?
Buffy: No, it was his... Sid, the dummy. She suddenly has Giles' full attention.
Buffy: Okay, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit, 'cause that's how stupid I feel saying this... I think Sid was in my room last night.
Willow: With Morgan?
Buffy: No. He was alone. And alive.
Xander: Did you see him?
Buffy: Well, I saw something. I-it ran across my floor, under my bed and then it attacked me.
Giles: Attacked you? How?
Buffy: It was like it pounced on my face.
Xander: Like a cat.
Buffy: Yeah, exactly! But when I turned the lights on it was already gone. I-I think it went out my window.
Xander: Like a cat.
Buffy: Yeah! No! It was Sid, the dummy.
Giles: Or possibly the nightmare of somebody who had... dummies on her mind.
Willow: You did say they creep you out.
Buffy: Excuse me? Can I have a *little* support here, please? I'm not just some crazy person, I'm the Slayer.
Xander: The dummy Slayer? (gets a look from Buffy) There's nothing funny about that.
Willow: Well, on the side of the 'Morgan's just crazy' theory there is, (sees Morgan go by carrying Sid) well, Morgan. Morgan opens Sid's case.
Buffy: I'd like to see Morgan without his better half for a few minutes. Bet he could tell me something. Morgan sits down with Sid on his lap.
Giles: Oh, uh, i-if it's any consolation, I... I may have found a possible demon culprit. (holds up a book) The-there's a reference in here to a brotherhood of seven demons who take, uh, the form of young humans. Every seven years these demons need human organs, a-a-a brain and a heart, to maintain their humanity. Otherwise they, they, they revert back to their original form, which is, uh, uh, slightly less appealing. He hands Xander the book open to a sketch of one of the demons.
Willow: So Morgan could still be the guy, only demon Morgan instead of crazy Morgan. Morgan fusses with Sid's shoes.
Giles: It's said that these demons are, are, are preternaturally strong, and, and, and... Morgan is, is... Well, he seems to be getting weaker every day. Morgan puts his hand on his head. Buffy observes him.
Cut to history class. Mrs. Jackson lectures as she walks around the room.
Mrs. Jackson: It was as a result of this that President Monroe put forth the eponymous, meaning named after one's self, Monroe Doctrine, which in one sense established the U.S. as a local peacekeeper. She walks behind Buffy, who is intently watching Sid. Sid turns his head back to look at her and lowers his brows. Buffy is creeped out and looks down at her desk. A moment later she looks back up at him. Sid just stares back. Cordelia notices and leans over to comment.
Cordelia: Looks like someone digs you. That's adorable. You and the dummy could tour in the freak show! She smiles smugly as she leans back into her chair. Buffy says nothing. She just looks back at Sid, then down at her desk again.
Mrs. Jackson: Okay, who can tell me how Spain responded to this policy? Sid is whispering to Morgan. Mrs. Jackson notices.
Mrs. Jackson: Morgan? Morgan?
Morgan: (looks at Sid, then up) What?
Sid: Morgan has other things on his mind. The students laugh. Mrs. Jackson approaches Morgan.
Mrs. Jackson: Give me your puppet.
Morgan: I'll put him away.
Mrs. Jackson: (takes Sid) You'll get it back after school. She opens a cupboard, puts Sid in and closes it.
Mrs. Jackson: Okay, then. In the first part of the nineteenth century...
Sid: (from inside the cupboard) I'm still watchin' you. Buffy looks at the cupboard.
Mrs. Jackson: Morgan, that is enough! Xander and Buffy look at Morgan. He looks back at Buffy, then at Mrs. Jackson.
Cut to after school. Morgan comes back into the classroom to retrieve Sid.
Morgan: Mrs. Jackson.
Mrs. Jackson: Morgan.
Morgan: You said you'd give me...
Mrs. Jackson: Oh, of course. She gets up and goes over to the cupboard. Morgan follows her expectantly. Before she gets Sid out she stops and faces Morgan.
Mrs. Jackson: Y'know, I wanted to ask you, is everything okay? At home, here at school?
Morgan: Yeah, it's great.
Mrs. Jackson: I feel like you've become... a little detached.
Morgan: Mm! (rubs his head in pain)
Mrs. Jackson: You're one of the brightest kids I've seen in a long time, but lately it seems like you're not all there. Morgan has both his hands on his head now, rubbing.
Mrs. Jackson: Try not to let other things get in the way.
Morgan: (takes his hands down) Okay! Can I get Sid now?
Mrs. Jackson: Sure. She goes over to the cupboard and opens it, but Sid is gone. She turns back to Morgan.
Mrs. Jackson: It's gone!
Morgan: Gone? Whadaya mean, gone? Where could he have gone?
Mrs. Jackson: I put it right here.
Morgan: He knew to wait for me. He knew I'd be back.
Mrs. Jackson: What do you mean 'he'?
Morgan: What did you do with him? Where is he?
Cut to the library. Xander has Sid and is playing with him. Buffy, Willow and Giles come in. Willow and Giles have their arms full of costumes. Buffy sees Xander holding Sid.
Buffy: Where did you get that?
Xander: Oh, I, uh, took it out of Mrs. Jackson's cupboard. I thought you said you wanted to be able to speak to Morgan alone, and uh... well, Morgan's alone, and, uh... Sid's with me. Buffy stares at Sid uncomfortably.
Xander: (manipulating Sid) Hi, Buffy! Hi, Willow! Would you like to hear some off-color jokes?
Buffy: I really don't think you should be doing that.
Xander: What? C'mon... (as Sid) I'm not real!
Buffy: (wigged) Xander, quit it! She turns and walks a few steps away. She stops and looks back when she hears Xander pounding Sid's head into the table.
Xander: He's... not... real! (picks Sid back up) I think our demonstration proves that, uh, Sid (knocks on Sid's head several times) is wood. Now, why don't you go and find Morgan and prove he's... whatever he is?
Giles: I imagine he's looking for his puppet.
Buffy: I'll go find Morgan. (starts to leave, but stops and gives Xander a look) You watch the dummy.
Xander: (as Sid) Bye-bye, now. I'm completely inanimate. Buffy gives Xander another look and goes out the door.
Xander: (as Sid) Redrum! Redruuum!
Willow: What do we do with him?
Xander: Eh, I'll keep him company.
Giles: Willow, we have some hunting of our own to do.
Willow: Once again I'm banished to the demon section of the card catalog. Xander looks at Sid and goes over to the table with him. Giles and Willow go up into the stacks.
Giles: You concentrate on re-animation theory. I'll peck about in organ harvesting. Unless, of course, you prefer...
Willow: That's okay, you can have the organs. Xander puts Sid in the chair at the end of the table.
Xander: So, I guess it's just... you and me, huh? (turns Sid's head away and pats him) That looks more comfortable. He leaves Sid there, and the camera closes in on him.
Buffy: Morgan?
Cut to the auditorium. Buffy walks along the front and then up the stairs to the stage.
Buffy: Morgan? Cut backstage. Buffy draws a curtain aside, but no one's there. She takes the steps down to the makeup area and tries a door. It's locked. She hears another door close and turns toward the sound. A gust blows through another curtain. Slowly she walks toward it. She quickly turns her head when she senses something behind her, and sees Principal Snyder at the top of the steps to the stage.
Buffy: Principal Snyder!
Snyder: Looking for something?
Buffy: Have you seen Morgan Shay?
Snyder: (comes down the steps) You know, with everything that's been going on recently, I'm not sure how safe it is for a girl like yourself to be here... alone.
Buffy: Well, I was just leaving. And I know how to take care of myself. They stare at each other a moment.
Snyder: Alright, then. He goes back up the stairs and leaves.
Cut to the library. Xander looks over at Sid in his chair, then turns back to his homework. Cut to the stacks.
Willow: (to Giles) Look what I found in the section on toys and magic: (reads) 'On rare occasions inanimate objects of human quality, such as dolls and mannequins, already mystically possessed of consciousness, have acted upon their desire to become human by harvesting organs.'
Giles: Emily's heart.
Willow: Morgan's dummy.
Giles: Mm.
Cut to Xander. He gets up to get a reference book. When he gets back to the table Sid is gone, but Xander doesn't notice. He slams the book on the table, sits down again and begins to read. After a moment he glances at Sid's chair and jumps up frightened when he sees it empty.
Xander: Whoa! He climbs onto the table. Giles and Willow come running out of the stacks.
Giles: What is it?
Xander: He's gone! (indicates the chair) Sid's gone!
Giles: What? Oh!
Willow: Uhhh! They're both frightened and look around themselves. Cut backstage. Buffy continues to look around. She hears some creaking.
Buffy: Morgan? She backtracks a bit and goes toward the noise. She pushes some clothes on a rack aside, but sees nothing. She continues and eventually stumbles on something. She looks down and sees Morgan's body lying there.
Buffy: (whispers) Morgan! (slowly backs away) Demon's got himself a brain. She keeps backing through a bead curtain and hears a snapping noise above. She looks up and sees a wrought iron chandelier falling on her.
[SCENE_BREAK]
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Backstage. Buffy is unconscious under the chandelier. She wakes and moans. Her vision is a bit blurred. She hears quick little footsteps and immediately becomes alert. She sees Sid run across the catwalk above her. She tries to lift the chandelier off of herself, but it's very heavy. Sid has come down now, and Buffy sees him in the shadows.
Buffy: Who's ever out there, I'm gonna hurt you! Badly! If you'll just gimme a minute... She tries lifting again, but to no avail. She looks back to where she saw Sid and sees his knife poised above her. She turns her head just in time to avoid being stabbed in the face. Sid lifts the knife and tries again, but misses. Buffy flails out with her left arm and knocks him away. She tries lifting again, and this time she shifts the chandelier enough to get out from underneath it. Sid attacks her from behind as she slides out, but she knocks him away and into a wall. His knife goes sliding across the floor. Buffy gets out and jumps over on top of Sid, pinning him against the wall with her arm.
Sid: You win. Now you can take your heart and your brain and move on.
Buffy: I'm sure they would have made great trophies for your case.
Sid: That woulda been justice.
Buffy: Yeah, except for one thing: you lost, and now you'll never be human.
Sid: Yeah, well, neither will you. They are both confused.
Buffy and Sid: What?
Cut to the library. Giles and Xander stare at Sid in wide-eyed and open- mouthed amazement. Willow and Buffy just stare and listen.
Sid: This is what I do. I hunt demons. Yeah, you wouldn't know it to look at me. Let's just say there was me, there was a really mean demon, there was a curse, and the next thing I know I'm not me anymore. I'm sitting on some guy's knee, with his hand up my shirt.
Willow: And ever since then you've been a living dummy?
Sid: The kid here was right all along. I shoulda picked you to team up with. But I didn't because...
Buffy: Because you thought *I* was the demon.
Sid: Who can blame me for thinking? Look at you! You're strong, athletic, limber... (goes off into his own world) nubile... (shakes his head) I'm back! In any case, now that this demon's got the heart and brain, he gets to keep the human form he's in for another seven years. The tea kettle is whistling. Giles gets up to tend to it.
Giles: I must say, it's a welcome change to have someone else explain all these things.
Sid: There were seven of these guys. I've killed six. If I can get the last one, the curse will be lifted and I'll be free. I'm sure it's someone in that stupid talent show.
Buffy: Yeah, but now that demon has what he wants. He'll be moving on.
Sid: So, once we know who's missing from the show...
Buffy: We'll know who our demon is!
Giles: (remembering) The show!
Buffy: What?
Giles: It's gonna start! I'm supposed to be there!
Buffy: (to Willow) Okay, um, start pulling everyone's addresses in the talent show. I-if they're not there, maybe we can catch them at home.
Sid: (to Giles) And you, get 'em all on stage, form the power circle. Then we can see who's a no-show.
Giles: Um, uh, the what?
Sid: The power circle. You get everyone together, you get 'em, you know, revved up.
Giles: Right. (still confused, but goes)
Sid: How'd *he* ever get that gig? Cut backstage.
Giles: Fifteen minutes to curtain, everyone! Uh, fifteen minutes! He turns to go back out. Cordelia chases him down.
Cordelia: I, I can't go out there. All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of... Buffy! What if I mess up?
Giles: Cordelia, there, uh, there-there's, uh, uh, an adage, uh, that, uh, if you're feeling nervous then, uh, you should imagine the entire audience are in their underwear.
Cordelia: Eww! Even Mrs. Franklin? Uhhh!
Giles: Perhaps not.
Cordelia: Yeah.
Giles: (to everyone) Um, alright, um, we'll assemble on the stage in five minutes for the, um, uh, power thing.
Cut to the catwalk. Sid and Buffy are sitting and waiting to see who's missing from the circle.
Sid: So, what's your deal, kid? I don't figure you for a demon hunter.
Buffy: I'm a Vampire Slayer.
Sid: (surprised) You?! You're the Slayer? (Buffy nods) Damn! I knew a Slayer in the 30's. Korean chick. Very hot. We're talking *muscle* tone. Man, we had some times. (gets a look from Buffy) Hey, that was pre- dummy, alright? Now, I was a guy!
Buffy: So, you kill the demon and the curse is lifted, right?
Sid: That's the drill.
Buffy: You don't actually turn into a prince, do you? I-I mean, your body...
Sid: Is dust and bones. When I say free...
Buffy: You mean dead.
Sid: Don't get sniffly on me, sis. I've lived a lot longer than most demon hunters. Or Slayers, for that matter. Buffy looks down, depressed about her lot in life.
Sid: (puts his hand on her knee) Of course, if you want to snuggle up and comfort me...
Buffy: (takes his hand off of her knee) So, that horny dummy thing really *isn't* an act, is it?
Sid: Nope!
Buffy: Yuk! Sid and Buffy look down onto the stage.
Giles: I-is everybody here? The talent gathers on the stage.
Sid: Okay, here comes our line-up.
Giles: Quickly, everyone! Uh... um, power circle. The students arrange themselves in a circle and hold hands. Sid and Buffy scan the group for any missing members. Giles looks around as well. The camera follows his gaze.
Giles: Well, that's that, then. Um, everybody, uh, get ready! Some of the students don't get it, but the circle breaks up quickly as they scramble to get ready. Giles scratches his head, confused. Buffy bends down and slips underneath the catwalk railing.
Buffy: (to Sid) Hold on. She drops to the stage below. Sid watches her fall. She lands squarely on her feet and goes over to Giles.
Giles: No one's missing.
Buffy: So the demon isn't in the show.
Giles: It seems not. Uh, tell the others. Look, it's nearly curtain. I must get the show rolling.
Buffy: Right.
Giles: Right. She looks for Sid up on the catwalk, but he's gone.
Buffy: Sid?
Cut to Principal Snyder nosing around backstage. Giles sees him, and Snyder faces him. Giles isn't sure why he's there. Snyder puts his fist into his palm and walks away. Giles follows him.
Cut to Buffy, still looking for Sid.
Buffy: Sid? She stops next to a workbench. Something drips onto her arm from above. She shakes it off and looks up. She reaches up to a shelf to see what's dripping, and Morgan's brain falls down and into her hands. She lets out a startled yelp and drops the brain. It jiggles when it hits the floor. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Willow is at the PC. Buffy walks up to her staring at her hands.
Buffy: I'm never gonna stop washing my hands.
Xander: So, the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter. And we're, like, fine, la la la la. He takes off, and now there's a brain. Does anybody else feel like they've been Keyser Soze'd?
Buffy: Sid's on the level, I'm sure of it. But why would the demon have rejected the brain? I-I mean, I thought Morgan was the smartest kid in school.
Willow: He was, look at his grades: all A's. He was even taking college classes. Wait a second.
Buffy: What?
Willow: All these sick days.
Xander: He was off for, like, half the year!
Buffy: Check the school nurse's file.
Willow: (types) Look at this! 'In case of emergency, contact Dr. Dale Leggett, California Institute of Neurosurgery, Cancer Ward.'
Xander: Brain cancer?
Willow: That's why he had all the headaches.
Buffy: This means that whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain.
Xander: In other words, I'm safe! (smiles)
Buffy: And it's gonna be looking for the smartest person around. She and Xander look at Willow. She looks back and forth between them.
Willow: What? Cut backstage. Giles is helping Marc set up, and has a pair of weights in his hands.
Giles: Yes, if you, you calibrated the units of weight then you could calculate the, uh, specific maximum velocity achieved before the point of impact.
Marc: Gee, Mr. Giles, you're really... smart! Could you do me a favor?
Cut to the library.
Willow: What could a demon possibly want from me?
Xander: What's the square root of 841?
Willow: 29. Oh, yeah.
Buffy: Don't worry, Willow. As long as you're with us there's absolutely no way that demon is gonna get what he wants. Cut backstage. Marc tests his guillotine on a honeydew melon. Giles picks up a half melon.
Giles: Oh, my!
Marc: Pretty cool, huh?
Giles: Are you sure there's no one else who could help you out?
Marc: My assistant got sick. You won't have to say anything. I'll, I'll show you. Lie down.
Giles: (inspects the guillotine) Uh, uh, how, how exactly does it work? Marc pulls the blade back up by its rope and ties it down.
Marc: A good magician never tells his secrets. He sees his hand and arm begin to revert to demon form, and shakes his sleeve to get it to cover up better.
Marc: C'mon. We haven't got much time.
Cut to the library. Buffy is pacing nervously.
Buffy: This is ridiculous. We can't just sit here and wait for him to come to us. We have to figure out who we're dealing with.
Xander: I still vote dummy.
Buffy: No. Okay, so we ruled out all the people in the talent show...
Willow: That's because they were all there. But that's before we found the brain.
Buffy: Right. So it probably *is* one of them. And, and Giles doesn't know! He's with them all right now!
Xander: Uch! Giles can handle himself. I mean, he *is* really... (clicks in his mind) smart!
Cut to the hall outside the library. Buffy slams the door open and runs out and down the hall.
Buffy: GILES! Xander and Willow are hot on her trail. Cut backstage. Giles is strapped down to the guillotine bench.
Giles: Sh-sh-shouldn't it be aimed at my neck?
Marc: No. No, this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just... come pouring out. He slides the head restraint down onto Giles' forehead. He reaches over and locks it down with a padlock.
Giles: What exactly is the trick?
Marc: Trick? (pulls the chest restraint tighter)
Giles: Marc? Marc goes over to the block where the rope holding the guillotine blade is tied down. He grabs his hatchet and takes a swing at the rope. Giles is terrified. Marc takes another swing. The rope is half cut now.
Giles: M-Marc? A third swing, and the rope is almost cut through. The blade slips a bit. Giles looks up at it in terror. Another swing, and the rope hangs by a thread. Marc raises the hatchet for the final cut. Buffy lunges at him and tackles him to the floor. She leg sweeps Marc, kicking his legs out from under him as he tries to get up. She stands up and adopts a fighting stance. As Marc tries to get up again, she throws an inverted crescent kick to his face, and he goes down again. Marc growls as he starts to get up, and Buffy sees that the skin on his face is beginning to turn back into its demon state.
Buffy: Ewww! Marc takes advantage of her distraction and jumps up and punches her, then follows up with a backhand fist to her face. She spins around and falls to the floor. The rope stretches and snaps, and the blade begins to fall. Giles yells out and clamps his eyes shut. At the last instant Xander grabs the rope from midair and stops the blade. Giles hears it stop and opens his eyes. He sees it go back up as Xander pulls on the rope. Buffy gets up, but is punched by the demon and falls again. Willow goes to Giles and begins to undo the restraints.
Willow: Where are the keys?
Giles: Marc's got it!
Xander: Willow! He kicks the hatchet over to her. She picks it up and begins to hack at the lock.
Giles: Hurry! Buffy gets up again and runs over to Marc. She grabs him and falls backward, pulling him down with her and flipping him over onto his back. She flips up to her feet and turns to face him in a front stance. When he gets up she punches him in the face and kicks him in the stomach with a hopping front snap kick. He staggers backward and stumbles into his disappearing-act box, and the door closes on him. Willow keeps hacking at the lock on the guillotine.
Buffy: How do you lock this thing? That wouldn't have made any difference because Marc just punches through the box and reaches for her. She quickly backs away as he kicks and shoves his way out of the box. He has completely reverted to his demon form now. He comes at her, grabs her by the neck, and lifts her from the floor.
Giles: (yells) What's happening? Willow keeps hacking. The demon slams Buffy up against a wall with his hand around her throat. He pulls her away and slams her into the wall again. Xander can only watch as he holds on to the rope. Willow gets the lock to break and quickly pulls it off. She and Giles push the head restraint up, and he gets out as fast as he can. He reaches down to undo the restraint at his feet. Sid finally shows up, jumps onto the demon's back and begins stabbing with his knife.
Sid: I found you! The demon ignores Sid and continues slamming Buffy into the wall. Giles gets himself loose. Sid has forced the demon to let go of Buffy and has jumped off. She hits the demon in the face with an open hand punch followed by a backhand punch. Giles gets off of the bench as Buffy does a full spinning side kick to the demon's gut, making him stagger back onto the bench and land with his neck in the guillotine.
Buffy: (to Xander) Let go! Xander lets go, and the blade falls, chopping off the demon's head. Its body slumps lifeless on the bench. Willow cringes at the sight. They all stare at what's left of the demon.
Giles: Uh... I must say, all of you... Your t-timing is impeccable.
Sid: And now for the big finish. He has positioned himself over the demon's chest with his knife.
Buffy: What are you doing?
Sid: It's not enough. He'll come back. You have to get the heart. Then all of this'll be over. She holds out her hand for the knife.
Buffy: Let me.
Sid: I got it. Thanks. He wields back with the knife and plunges it into the demon's heart. He pulls back to do it again, but his aim was true the first time, and he just slumps over onto the demon with the knife still in his hands, now a lifeless puppet. Buffy looks at Sid sadly and lets out a deep breath. Giles takes off his glasses. Buffy gently lifts Sid from the demon and holds him in her arms. She starts to walk off stage. | Plan: A: Principal Flutie 's; Q: Whose death caused Principal Snyder to force Buffy to participate in the talent show? A: Sunnydale High; Q: Where is Principal Snyder the new sheriff of? A: forces; Q: How does Principal Snyder make Buffy and her friends participate in the talent show? A: Buffy; Q: Who suspects a fellow student of stealing a girl's heart? A: the school talent show; Q: What does Principal Snyder force Buffy and her friends to participate in? A: a girl's heart; Q: What is harvested in the talent show? A: his strangely talkative dummy; Q: What is the name of the student who Buffy suspects of stealing a girl's heart? Summary: After Principal Flutie 's death, the new sheriff in Sunnydale High, Principal Snyder , forces Buffy and her friends to participate in the school talent show. When a girl's heart is harvested, Buffy suspects a fellow student and his strangely talkative dummy . |
[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
This is supreme bullshit.
[ Gunshots ]
You do know that we're not allowed to shoot people on sight anymore? I'm gonna reassign you. Eastern district of Kentucky.
Raylan: I don't want to go back there.
Art: Still got family here in Kentucky?
Raylan: Ex-wife here.
Dewey: Next time I see you, I'm gonna...
[ horn honks ]
Boyd: Fire in the hole!
Aah!
Art: How well did you know Boyd Crowder?
Raylan: Boyd and I dug coal together when we were 19.
Tim: Did you know Boyd's brother? The girl he married... Ava. She ended the union last night with a .30-06.
Ava: I had a crush on you from the time I was 12 years old.
Boyd: Now, you get out of Harlan county by tomorrow noon, or I'm gonna come looking for you.
Raylan: Now you're talking.
[ Rifle cocks ]
[ Gunshot ]
Guess I just never thought of myself as an angry man.
Winona: Honestly, you're the angriest man I have ever known.
[ Buzzer ]
[ Monitor beeping ]
Raylan: Looks like it hurts.
Boyd: Why, yes, Raylan.
Thank you for noticing. Somebody shot me in the chest the other day.
Raylan: You getting something for the pain?
Boyd: Well, I... I can goose it as needed, but I've been holding off. I was hoping that you'd stop by. I wanted my mind clear and my mouth not all full of rubber when I saw you.
Raylan: Let's hear it.
Boyd: What do you think I'm gonna say, Raylan?
Raylan: I wouldn't know.
Boyd: You know, if Ava hadn't come in that room... And distracted me with that rifle... You think I could have got you first?
Raylan: I don't know.
Boyd: Well, it don't matter. The real question is, why didn't you kill me? Did you miss my heart on purpose?
Raylan: No. I was aiming to kill. That's the way I was taught. Sometimes you don't hit the bull's-eye.
Boyd: No, I suppose not. But, you see, I have this... this belief, this conviction that it wasn't just an accident and that... I was wondering if the fact that we we friends, if... if that played any part. Then last night I woke up, and. I... I knew why you didn't kill me. I was laying here in pain... in... in awful pain. But I didn't hit the pump because I knew it wasn't just pain from a gunshot wound. It was something deeper. It was a pain from my very soul. And I realized that, well, I couldn't any more blame you for my situation here than a... a farmer could blame his neighbor for a hailstorm.
Raylan: A hailstorm being an act of God.
Boyd: That's right, Raylan.
Raylan: Me shooting you was an act of God?
Boyd: Well, God was acting through you, Raylan... through your gun... to get my attention, to set me on a new course. Now, I know not yet what his will for me is, but I have faith. I have faith that the path will be illuminated before me as I need it to be. For even through this searing pain, I am at peace, for I am born again in the eyes of the Lord, Raylan. And I wanted to thank you for playing your part. Now, if you will excuse me, I... I must tend to the needs of the flesh. You understand?
[ Beeps ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
Raylan? Did you come all the way out here just to see me?
Raylan: [ scoffs ] What do you think? Initial here, here, and here. Stand up.
Dewey: How come? We're gonna play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Just stand up. Come through and stand on the feet. You got your feet on backwards? Turn around.
Raylan: Just checking you for visible injury. All's I see is the nose.
Dewey: Which I got when he hit me with a shotgun barrel for no good reason.
Raylan: Is that how you remember it? You should thank him. That nose's the only reason you got to spend two days here instead of going straight to big Sandy.
Dewey: Hey, careful with the teeth. You got any more Marshals in the car?
Raylan: Task force is undermanned... just me. Want to put him in leg irons?
Raylan: Oh, I think I can handle Mr. Crowe.
Dewey: Marshals drive Lincolns now? Or is this confiscated? Yeah, I had a town car myself one time when I was down visiting cousin Dale in Florida, till I sold it for parts and went to work at Disney. You know what I tried out for? To play goofy... Mickey mouse's friend. Only you had to water-ski. I couldn't get the hang of that, so they put me selling ice cream. But Disney's got a lot of negroes and homosexuals working there, so I came back home.
Raylan: If you're gonna talk, I'm gonna put you in the trunk, and I'll drive myself.
Dewey: You grew up in Harlan, huh? I grew up in Corbin. Oh, you ready for this? My dad has never been outside of Kentucky. Whole life, never been closer to the border than Parisville, where he is now. You know, we're gonna be... we're gonna be going by there. If was to, uh, get off on route 9, we could stop by and see him. It wouldn't be more than a few miles out of our way. What do you say to that? Not much, huh?
Raylan: Your old dad's never crossed the state lines, but he's been up to Manchester, hasn't he? He seen the inside of the Kentucky state prison. You got an uncle who came out of there, and another did his time in McCreary. I think we'll skip seeing any of your kin this trip.
Dewey: My uncles are both dead.
Raylan: By gunshot, huh? You understand how I see your people?
[ Tires screeching ]
Dewey: [ grunts ]
[ Groaning ]
Raylan: Put one on your left wrist.
Dewey: [ breathing heavily ]
Raylan: Now snap the other one to the wheel.
To the wheel, Chinatown. Let's go.
Dewey: I can't drive handcuffed to the damn steering wheel.
Raylan: You'll get the hang of it. Now drive.
Dewey: You gonna report what I did?
Raylan: I don't take what you did personally, you understand? Want to lean on you. Or wish you get any more time than you deserve. But what you'll have to do now is ride the rap, as they say. It's all anybody has to do. Let's go. Come on down, fellas. All right. Next. Where the hell did they get these stupid costumes, anyway? sh1t.
[ Horse neighs ]
Well, this is an embarrassment.
[ Chuckles ]
Piss and moan all you please, Cooper. This is what they want to see. "Hey, Martha, look. Hey're making fun of themselves." They eat that sh1t up. All a part of what sells the CDs. Of which we don't get one red cent. Now, you want out, buddy, you just say the word. We'll be out here playing parties, eating good food, looking at pretty women. You can be back at the tiers, making yourself another chess set out of cardboard, huh, Henry? I heard that. And if they wanted suit and ties, we'd be wearing suit and ties. All right. Let's head on out.
♪ there's a castle on his neck ♪ ♪ hellfire in his eyes ♪ ♪ gun in his hand ♪ ♪ and his girlfriend in his sights ♪ ♪ she loved him too much to put him away ♪ ♪ well, he loved her so much ♪ ♪ that he put her in her grave ♪ ♪ when the grim reaper cut him down ♪ ♪ and drove him to the sky ♪ ♪ there was no one else around ♪ ♪ no one said goodbye ♪ ♪ just glad to see him die ♪
[ instrumental solo ]
[ Drum solo ]
[ Song ends ]
[ Scattered applause ]
"Free Bird"!
[ Horse neighing ]
Hell, these horses live better than most people I know. Hey, Price, you're not eating? Nah, Henry. You have at it. Hey, Henry, I got to take a leak. Coop's already in the porto-potty. Use a tree. Hell, Henry, now, that ain't civilized. You're back on. We're gonna start with the cake and "happy birthday." Price, let's go. We got to get back out there. Oh, come on, Henry. I really got to drain it.
[ Knocking ]
Come on, Cooper! Let's go! You walk them out. I'll bring these two. Come on, Coop. They want to do "happy birthday" now. Coop! Stand over there. Coop, open this door. Open this door! Come on, Coop! Hey, Henry, what's this?
[ Cellphone ringing ]
Raylan: Hello, Art.
Art: Where are you?
Raylan: Just heading back.
Art: How far are you from the prison?
Raylan: Not far.
Just passed through, uh, Parisville.
Art: Well, I want you to go back. They had a breakout.
Raylan: No sh1t.
Art: There was a bluegrass convict band that was playing a benefit up near Parisville, and the bass player and the drummer decided to make a run for it, so I need you to go back up to big Sandy and, you know, check their cells, see what you can find. I sent a couple of deputies up to Parisville. And get this... the bass player was about to be released in 3 months after a 15-year stretch.
Raylan: You got some names?
Art: They couldn't have gotten very far. See what you can find out.
[ Tires squealing ]
[ Bell dings ]
[ Dings ]
Raylan: Evening.
Evening. You, uh... You need help with something?
Raylan: No, I'm just looking for some road food.
[ Shotgun cocks ]
There's no way in hell you're gonna be able to draw and fire before your head comes off.
Raylan: I could get him. Fine with me. What? Set your weapon down on the ground, please, sir. And your backup. Kick them back this way. On your belly. Hands on your neck. See, I told you... turning the light on will get us a car. Got us some more guns, too. Give me one. Oh, no. You're gonna run. What? As far and as fast as you can, 'cause I swear to you, if I ever see you again, I'll kill you. But we just busted out of the damn joint together. You got five seconds. What is this, a joke? sh1t!
[ Bell dings ]
[ Shotgun cocks ]
All right. You can sit up. Wallet, I.D., keys... hand them over. What are you, state police?
Raylan: U.S. Marshal. Marshal? Like in "Gunsmoke"?
Raylan: More like "The Fugitive." Huh. "Deputy U.S. Marshal Raylan... Givens." I knew a fella up in Manchester named Givens... Arlo Givens. Any relation?
Raylan: I suppose there's still some. He's my father. No sh1t. And here you've become a. U.S. Marshal. How'd that go down with him?
Raylan: I wouldn't know. Now take your handcuffs out and cuff your hands behind your back.
Raylan: So, you Cooper or Price? I'm one of them.
Raylan: [ chuckles ] Fine. I'll wait and find out tomorrow when your picture's in the paper.
[ Chuckles ]
My name is Michael Cooper. Glad to meet you.
Raylan: You didn't care so much for Price, huh? Get on your feet.
Raylan: What was he in for?
[ Chuckles ]
His real crime? Being a lousy drummer. He's not incompetent. The man could play a paradiddle, but he's showy, has no sense of time.
Raylan: How can you tell there's a bad drummer at your door? I don't know. How?
Raylan: The knock speeds up. Nice. You a musician?
Raylan: No, just someone who likes music. Yeah, and shitty jokes. Come on. Let's go.
Raylan: And what were you in for, Mr. Cooper? I expect you know that already.
Raylan: 15 years is a long time for one bank job. Well, the thing is, a fella died as a direct result. Foreseeable circumstances. But, honestly, if you hire a moron for a driver, it's foreseeable.
Raylan: You taking my badge and my car to get past any roadblocks, huh? And your hat. Good night, deputy.
Raylan: Good night, Mr. Cooper.
[ Door locks ]
Well... sh1t.
Art: Come in. Come in. Now, let me get this straight. He took your gun... sorry, two guns... your badge, your car, and your hat. He take anything else?
Raylan: Not that I can remember.
Art: He didn't rape you, did he? We found your car at the airport, which means that Cooper either left town or he wants us to think that he left town. We found this in the trunk. That look familiar?
Raylan: You didn't find any guns, did you?
Art: No. Sorry. The dogs chased Price into a culvert, and then Rachel talked to him. She and Tim can bring you up to speed.
Raylan: All right.
Art: Uh, Raylan... Just a second. Shut that door. I got a call this morning from AUSA David Vasquez. Wants to talk to you about your shooting Boyd Crowder.
Raylan: Well, what's there to talk about? He pulled first. There was a witness.
Art: But, you see, 10 days ago you shot a man in Miami. Put it like this... if you was in the first grade and you bit somebody every week, they'd start to think of you as a biter. He also wants Ava to come up to Lexington to talk about it.
Raylan: Fine with me.
Art: Which part? The part about her talking to Vasquez or the part about her coming up to Lexington? Raylan, you can't sleep with her.
Raylan: I know.
Art: Raylan...
Raylan: I won't. You starting to regret me coming here?
Art: Not yet.
Rachel: Price says the only reason why he helped Cooper escape is because Cooper promised him a lot of money.
Tim: This could be from his last job. He got away with $180,000. Never recovered.
Raylan: Tell me about the dead driver.
Tim: He was a Mensa candidate named Drew Baxter. A few hours after the robbery, Cooper and Baxter headed out of town. Baxter's driving. They get pulled over for a traffic violation. Baxter decides to floor it. Hilarious hijinks ensue. Baxter drives head-on into a tree, goes through the windshield, and into the afterlife. And it all fell under commission, so Cooper got charged with his murder.
Raylan: So, why is he breaking out with only three months left on his bit? I mean, does he got a daughter getting married or a granddaughter graduating school?
Rachel: No kids, and his mother and father passed.
Tim: He was married when he went inside... younger woman, one-time exotic dancer, named Shirley Kelso. Didn't divorce until five years ago. Still lives in town. I thought I'd go have a word.
Rachel: I'm gonna take a team and check acquaintances.
Raylan: I'm gonna go with him. Nothing against acquaintances, but one-time-exotic-dancer Shirley sounds a little more fun.
[ Elevator bell dings ]
[ Elevator door opens ]
Winona: What the hell did you say to him?
Rayla I'll catch up with you at the car. Hello, Winona.
Winona: What did you say to Gary?
Raylan: I believe I said, "hi, Gary." Why? Why did he say I said?
Winona: He didn't. Just he didn't sleep the rest of that night, and the next morning, he was ill shaking. And every night since then, he checks the windows, and he checks the doors, and then he checks them again.
Raylan: I don't know. Winona, does Gary spook easy?
Winona: What are you implying? You wouldn't be startled if somebody broke into your home in the middle of the night?
Raylan: I'm not implying anything.
[ Muttering ]
Winona: I heard you got jumped by an old convict.
Raylan: Oh, does 55 still seem old to you?
Winona: Are you gonna shoot him if you catch him?
Raylan: All right, look, I won't show up unannounced anymore.
Winona: You won't show up at all anymore.
Raylan: Art tells me you were a sniper with the rangers.
Tim: Yeah, I was.
Raylan: What's the longest you ever had to watch a target?
Tim: Three days.
Raylan: Three days.
Tim: Shitty little village outside Kandahar.
You watch a man that long, you can get to know him better than his wife does. How he reads the paper, picks his nose, what glass he likes for tea, what one for milk... If he jerks off, what he looks at when he... when he does... If he's nice to the dog when no one's around.
Raylan: What's the trick to something like that?
Tim: Keeping your focus?
Raylan: Mm-hmm.
Tim: Well, they told us to come up with stories about ourselves and the target.
Raylan: What do you mean, "stories"?
Tim: Well, nothing elaborate. Imagine taking Shirley to the movies, watching "Price is right," eating takeout Chinese. They eventually stopped that... the business with the stories.
Raylan: Why is that?
Tim: They found some folks get so involved in the tales they're telling themselves, they grow to like the target. And when they got the green light, they couldn't pull.
Raylan: That ever happen to you?
Tim: Is that her?
Raylan: Looks like it.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Knock on door ]
U.S. Marshals. Shirley Kelso? You think he's here? You're welcome to look around. Who's this? They're with the Marshals. I'm guessing they're looking for my ex. My cousin Dupree... he's staying with me till he gets on his feet in construction. Y'all want a beer or something?
Tim: Yeah, love one. Pabst, Schlitz, Mickey's...
Tim: It was a joke. We can't have a beer. Well, I don't want your job, then, do I?
Raylan: Either of you seen or heard from Douglas Cooper? You mean since he broke out or since ever?
Raylan: Since last night. No, and I swear to you, you give me a card or a number and he turns up, you'll be the first person I call. Marrying him was the biggest mistake of my life.
Tim: You stayed married to him till, , five years ago. There were tax advantages.
Raylan: Any idea why he'd bust out with just a few months left on his bit? None at all. I mean, you ask me, he's long gone. I mean, there is nothing for him here.
Tim: When's the last time you saw him? Before the divorce, yeah.
Raylan: What do you think? Sure made a big deal about running down her ex-husband. Of course, that might have been for Dupree's benefit.
Raylan: You don't think they're cousins?
Tim: Maybe, maybe not. Either way, she's banging him. That's got to suck... to break out of prison, expecting a blissful marital reunion. I got to think, no matter how long you've been divorced, seeing your old lady shack up with someone else is gonna annoy the sh1t out of you.
[ Vehicle door closes ]
[ Sighs ]
If Cooper does show up, you sure as hell won't call the number on that Marshal's card. Oh, yeah? Well, Coop might not be so happy to see us, you know? Who gives a sh1t? He's the only one who knows which house to go into. It doesn't matter. I hope he shows up.
[ Shotgun cocks ]
[ Gasps ]
I'm glad you feel that way. Sit down. Take a seat right there. How'd you pick the houses? I saw reports on the TV in prison about somebody breaking into houses in Riverbrook, tearing up the floors. Now, I know you haven't found the money yet. I knew that the minute I saw this sh1t hole. How did you pick the houses? You told me you hid the money in a house under construction in a development, and I just figured out it had to be Riverbrook. Picked the houses at random? Well, you always said your lucky number was 323, so we went for houses with 323 in the address. Oh. Y'all sleeping together? We're cousins! Well, from all the lotions, condoms, and devices I saw sitting on your nightstand, it's clear you're sleeping with somebody. Well, it ain't like we're first cousins or anything. There's no need to hide it from him. He already knows. There was one device... kind of a vibrating thing with ball bearings going all around, making it wobble all over. That's Randy rabbit. It's our best seller. If I'd known you wanted something like that, I'd have got it for you back in the day. I was 22 when you went in. You were the first man I ever slept with. I didn't know what I wanted. Hey, we can all have a real interesting conversation later about the merits of various s*x toys, but right now, maybe we ought to focus on how we're gonna get you out from under the eyes of that Marshal. And what's all this "we" sh1t? I'm just here to make sure you hadn't already found the money. Yeah, but we can help. We got tools. We got pry bar, a sawzall. Fine. I'll take 'em. How you gonna get out? You know they got Marshals watching. I'll wait till after dark, and I'll sneak out back. Oh, you're gonna walk to Riverbrook. I got a car. I'll steal one. You just leave us, what's gonna stop us from just calling the Marshal? Good point. Maybe I'll just kill you. I'm not gonna kill you, and you aren't gonna call that Marshal and get sent away for all them burglaries you've done. You know how to bypass burglar alarms? I do. Burglar alarms that have come along in the last 15 years? Fiber optics, net-based? I was an alarm installer before. How do you think we got in and out of all those houses without getting caught? All right. You're in. All right.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Shirley, too. We're a team. Fine. But you share the 10%. Now, why don't you run out on the porch and sit down for a spell and keep an eye on that Marshal... Cousin Dupree? Yeah, I'll do that.
[ Exhales deeply ]
I know you must be angry, but I swear I kept my knees together for 10 years after you went in. Finally I realized I had to live. Baby, I understand that. Frankly, I'm surprised you hadn't gone after my money before now. Well, we only went after it now 'cause we had to. Folks in Riverbrook... they've been remodeling instead of selling 'cause of the downturn, and we just didn't want someone to stumble on it. That's all. That was the reason, huh? Yeah. Nothing to do with me getting out in three months.
[ Sighs ]
I told Dupree about it a couple months ago, and he knows alarms and all, and he just thought we should try it. You know, Dupree has ambitions, plans. For what, a chain of dildo stores? Not just dildos.
Ava: [ giggles ]
Raylan: Ava.
Ava: I told the manager I was your girlfriend. I'm not being presumptuous and saying that I am. I just wanted to surprise you.
Raylan: And you did. I can't sleep with you, Ava.
Ava: Now look who's being presumptuous.
Raylan: I know about the assistant attorney who wants to talk to you. I can't be getting amorous with a witness in a shooting I was involved in.
Ava: Couldn't we just make out a little?
Raylan: No.
Ava: You want me to drive back to Harlan?
Raylan: Oh, you can stay. I could always sleep on the floor.
Ava: It's your bed. I'll take the floor. Can we just put on a little music and dance?
Raylan: Do you know why the Pentecostals don't have s*x standing up? It could lead to dancing.
Ava: [ chuckles ]
[ Engine rattling ]
You talk about cars having a new-car smell. This car has an "old car somebody died in" smell. You had a car somebody died in. You mean Baxter? Technically, he died outside the car, when he hit the tree. No, I'm not talking about Baxter. I'm talking about the red car. My Lord. That '71 valiant. I called it the rocket. [ Chuckles ] The rocket. That's right. He told me he got it cheap 'cause the old guy who owned it died in it and no one wants to buy a dead man's car. And I kept joking maybe it was haunted. And then we went for a drive in the country... you know, windows down, breathing in the night air... and all of a sudden I hear this moaning sound, this "ooohh," you know, like a ghost. And I about sh1t a brick. And this one can't stop laughing. And then he shows me a tape recorder under the seat playing him sounding like a ghost. Can you believe that? Y'all want to keep jawing about the old days, or y'all want stay on the money train? What address are you looking for? I'm not. When I stashed the money, these houses were still being built. They didn't have addresses. Then what are you looking for? You were onto something with my lucky number... 323. But it's not in the address. Are you gonna tell us or not? All right. The first thing they built out here was that school we passed back yonder. That was my starting point. I took the third right and the second left, and the third house on the right... 323... which puts it right... here. There's a basement. sh1t. Huh. No burglar alarm. Apparently I didn't need your help after all. About as much as we needed your car-stealing skills. Well, I stole one. Could have rented one faster, and it wouldn't have smelled like a grave. Keep it up and your 10% is gonna be 5%. Ha ha ha. Whatever you say, old man. You guys want to argue, or you want to find some money? Come on, Martha Stewart. Just drop that. Here we go. Right here. I'm coming.
[ Whirring ]
[ Dog barking in distance ]
[ Whirring stops ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
Maybe you counted wrong. I counted right. Maybe you counted wrong 15 years ago. I didn't count wrong... not then, not now. The only possibilities are some other folks found the money and are long gone or that school got up and moved somehow. Now, which do you think is more likely? Let me get this straight. After all this time, you don't have any idea where that money is? No, I guess I don't. Well, I guess we don't really need you, then, after all, do we?
[ Gasps ]
Come on. Let's go. I'm sorry. You were gone so long, and I just couldn't wait. I'm sorry. You look good, Coop. Come on! Do you know where the money is? Well, I do now.
[ Dog barking in distance ]
Where are you going? I ain't getting in that sh1t heap again. We get the money, we'll take ourselves another car. Ain't nobody gonna stop us. Now, come on.
[ Sighs ]
[ Ringing ]
Art: Raylan?
Raylan: I think I know where.
Cooper's money is.
[ Engine turns over ]
Come on, baby. When we get that money, I'm gonna buy you anything you want. sh1t.
Rachel: Got to ask... why the hat?
Raylan: Honestly, I tried it on one time, and it fit. Oh, sh1t!
[ Tires screech ]
[ Gunfire on TV ]
[ Shotgun cocks ]
You don't do exactly as I say, you get two in the chest and one in the head!
Raylan: You boosted a gremlin? Oh, hell, with all the alarms and stuff they got on cars these days, that's all could get. I tried to get a Mustang.
Raylan: So, what happened? They take the money and run? No. There wasn't any.
Raylan: Well, why'd they shoot you? I don't know. I don't care.
[ Sirens wailing ]
I thought I broke out 'cause of the money, but then I saw Shirley. Ah.
[ Indistinct chatter on police radio ]
Raylan: Well, maybe Dupree figured out where the money is.
Well, I don't see how. I told him either the money was here and somebody found it and took off or that school up and moved. Yeah, I knew where the money was in relation to the school.
Rachel: Which one? We passed two driving around. sh1t.
Raylan: 15 years is a long time. I told you we shouldn't have taken the money. You enjoyed it just as much as I did. Shut up! How'd you find it? Well, Mr. "I'm too cheap to hire a plumber" tried to put in a new dishwasher and flooded the entire place, and then we had to replace the floor. Oh, yeah, I'm an idiot. But if it wasn't for me, we never would have found the money. And we wouldn't be sitting here now! Where was all your second-guessing when you got your new boobs? You enjoyed them a hell of a lot more than I ever did! They're very nice. Oh, thank you. Shut up! Now, I want what's left of the money right now, or I start shooting. There is none. I'll start with you. No! No! He's telling the truth. A-after the boat and the car and my boobs and the TVs, it's all gone.
[ Sighs ]
Man.
Tim: He's got them tied to chairs.
Art: We take the back. Rachel and Raylan, you take the front.
Raylan: You got a story for cousin Dupree?
Tim: Yeah, but it's pretty simple. If he does anything out of line, I get to shoot him.
Raylan: That's a good story.
[ sighs ]
How much those shoes run you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
$700 for a pair of shoes? They're alligator.
[ Screams ]
Oh! Got your alligator's attention? Ow! We'll get you every last cent we have! Just please don't shoot anymore!
[ Sighs ]
Shirley, untie the woman. She might could take us to the bank. Okay. No. sh1t. Stop. The banks ain't open this hour. sh1t! Let me think.
[ Knock on door ]
Raylan: U.S. Marshals.
I was wondering if I could come inside. No, you can't come inside!
Raylan: Dupree, this isn't your home. Mr. Lonner, may I come inside? God, yes! Come inside! Hey, you ain't calling the shots here.
Raylan: Just coming inside to explain things to you. There ain't nothing to explain.
Raylan: 10 seconds. Dupree, can you just keep your gun down for 10 seconds? I can tell you both what's what. You can see my hands. All right?
[ Scoffs ]
A... all right.
Raylan: All right. You mind standing where I can see you? Now I'm gonna give you a choice. You won't like it, but it's real simple. If you raise your gun again, you're dead. Aim at the family, you're dead. If you move too fast from where you're standing, dead. In fact, I'd say dropping your weapons and putting your hands behind your head's the only viable option, but that's your choice. Well, we got guns and hostages here.
Raylan: I see that. Do you really think you can draw and fire before one of us pulls the trigger?
Raylan: Oh, this ain't about me. This is about deputy Tim Gutterson, sniper in the Afghan war. Oh. Well, I don't see him. You got a little sniper in your pocket?
Raylan: Well, he's out back, across the street there. He bullshitting? Well, I... I see cars and people. I don't see a sniper.
Raylan: No, no, no, no. He's there, or I wouldn't be here. Where's the light switch for this room?
Raylan: Now, Dupree, I know that wasn't on the list, but... where's the goddamn light switch?! On the wall, by your friend. Shirley, find that switch.
Raylan: Shirley... On the count of three, flip the switch.
Raylan: Shirley, don't do it. One... Two... Three!
[ Gunshot ]
[ Exhales sharply ]
Raylan: Why'd you turn the light back on?
He had no need to shoot my husband.
[ Buzzer ]
Initial here, here, and here. Going solo again?
Raylan: Another deputy in the car. Learned your lesson? Until I forget. Stand up, walk through. Put your feet on the feet. You know the drill.
Raylan: How's the gut? Well, they tell me my plumbing's okay, but every which way I move hurts.
Raylan: I think we're good. Did you find the money?
Raylan: Couple in the house house found it. They enjoy it?
Raylan: They bought a lot of stuff. Have you seen Shirley?
Raylan: I haven't. I know she's still in custody. But she helped you guys nail Dupree, right? That ought to count for something.
Raylan: She's still gonna pull some time.
[ Sighs ]
Maybe we'll get out about the same time.
Raylan: Maybe. Maybe.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Man. She looked good. | Plan: A: Raylan; Q: Who visits Boyd in the prison hospital? A: Crowe; Q: Who does Raylan transport to prison? A: a 'prison band' performance; Q: What is the name of the performance that Cooper and a fellow inmate escape during? A: Douglas Cooper; Q: Who is the convict who escapes during a prison band performance? A: Chris Ellis; Q: Who played Douglas Cooper? A: Art Mullen; Q: Who asked Raylan to investigate the escape of Douglas Cooper? A: a gas station; Q: Where did Raylan stop to investigate the escape of Douglas Cooper? A: the convicts; Q: Who set a trap for Raylan? A: three months; Q: How long did Cooper have left on his sentence? A: Gutterson; Q: Who did Shirley allow to snipe Dupree? A: a trip; Q: What did Raylan and marshal Gutterson make to Cooper's ex-wife? A: Kristin Bauer; Q: Who played Shirley? A: a deal; Q: What does Cooper make with Shirley and Dupree? A: money; Q: What did Cooper hide in the flooring of development housing? A: Ava; Q: Who makes a house call to Raylan? A: a hunch; Q: What does Raylan discover about the location of the money? A: whose occupants; Q: Who has spent the money? A: A hostage situation; Q: What happens after Cooper helps Raylan find the right house? Summary: Raylan visits Boyd in the prison hospital to check on him, and transport Crowe to prison. Meanwhile, during a 'prison band' performance, convict Douglas Cooper ( Chris Ellis ) and a fellow inmate escape. After Art Mullen asks Raylan to return to investigate, Raylan makes a stop at a gas station. Unbeknownst to Raylan, the convicts have set a trap, and Cooper makes off with Raylan's guns, car and hat. After learning that Cooper only had three months left on his sentence, Raylan and marshal Gutterson make a trip to Cooper's ex-wife, Shirley ( Kristin Bauer ). Cooper then visits after and makes a deal with Shirley and Dupree, Shirley's 'cousin'. They are looking for money Cooper hid in the flooring of development housing during construction. After Ava makes a house call to Raylan, he discovers a hunch as to the location of the money. Cooper, however, screwed up the location. After Dupree shoots Cooper, they find the right house, whose occupants have spent it all. A hostage situation ensues after Cooper helps Raylan find the right house, and Shirley helps Raylan by allowing Gutterson to snipe Dupree, citing that it 'wasn't right' to shoot Cooper. The episode ends with a nice conversation between Cooper and Raylan as they once again leave the prison. |
INT. STORAGE SIX
The TARDIS materialises. However, the landing is not smooth, she groans and wheezes as if finding it difficult. The Doctor and Rose step outside the doors, looking up at the TARDIS.
THE DOCTOR: I dunno what's wrong with her, she's sort of... queasy. Indigestion, like she didn't wanna land.
ROSE (seriously): Oh, if you think there's gonna be trouble, we could always get back inside and go somewhere else...
They both burst out laughing at this absurd notion.
THE DOCTOR (looking around): I think... we've landed inside a cupboard! Here we go!
He pushes the door open and they enter another part of the base.
COMPUTER: Open Door 15.
THE DOCTOR: Some sort of base... moon base, sea base, space base... they build these things out of kits.
ROSE (listening): Glad we're indoors, sounds like a storm out there...
COMPUTER (as the Doctor opens another door): Open Door 16.
Rose follows the Doctor through the door into a corridor.
INT. CORRIDOR
THE DOCTOR: Human design, you've got a thing about kits. This place was put together like a flat-pack wardrobe, only bigger. And easier.
They go through another door.
INT. HABITATION AREA THREE
They enter a canteen area.
COMPUTER: Open Door 17.
THE DOCTOR (striding into the middle of the room): Oh, it's a sanctuary base! COMPUTER (as Rose closes the door): Close Door 17.
THE DOCTOR: Deep Space exploration. We've gone way out. And listen to that, underneath...
He points downwards, indicating for Rose to listen. We hear the hum of drills.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Someone's drilling.
ROSE (looking up): Welcome to hell.
THE DOCTOR: Oh, it's not that bad!
ROSE (laughs, points to the wall): No, over there!
The words "WELCOME TO HELL" are scrawled on the wall, with ancient symbols written underneath. The Doctor stares.
THE DOCTOR: Hold on... (Goes over to it). What does that say?
The Doctor peers closely at the ancient text, but it remains stubbornly incomprehensible.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): That's weird. It won't translate.
ROSE: But I thought the TARDIS translated everything, writing as well. We should see English.
THE DOCTOR: Exactly. If that's not working, then it means... this writing is old. Very old. Impossibly old.
The Doctor stands and goes over to another door.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): We should find out who's in charge. (Turns the wheel to open the door). We've gone beyond the reach of the TARDIS knowledge. Not a good move. And if someone's lucky enough...
COMPUTER: Open Door 19.
The door opens, and the Doctor and Rose gasp in shock, stumbling backwards a few steps. The Ood are on the other side of the door, blinking at them.
THE DOCTOR (trying to regain his composure): Right! Hello! Sorry! Uh... I was just saying, uh... nice base!
OOD (together): We must feed.
THE DOCTOR: You're gonna what?
OOD: We must feed.
ROSE: Yeah. I think they mean us.
They back away as the Ood advance.
OOD: We must feed.
The Doctor and Rose try and make for the other door, but it opens and more Ood come through it.
OOD (CONT'D): We must feed. We must feed. We must feed.
Yet another door opens and more Ood walk slowly through it. The Doctor and Rose are cornered.
OOD (CONT'D): We must feed. We must feed. We must feed.
The Doctor takes his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket as Rose arms herself with a chair.
OOD (CONT'D): We must feed. We must feed.
The Doctor and Rose, screwdriver and chair at the ready, are backed against the wall by the advancing Ood.
OOD (CONT'D): We must feed. We must feed. We must feed. We must feed. We must feed.
OPENING CREDITS
INT. HABITATION AREA THREE
OOD 1: We must feed. (Shakes and taps the white Orb he holds before him). You. If you are hungry.
THE DOCTOR (confused, lowering his sonic screwdriver): Sorry?
OOD 1: We apologise. Electromagnetics have interfered with our speech systems.
Rose puts down the chair.
OOD 1 (CONT'D): Would you like some refreshment?
THE DOCTOR: Uhm...
COMPUTER: Open Door 18.
A door opens and Jefferson comes through, flanked by two others holding guns.
JEFFERSON: What the hell...? How did...?
He approaches the Doctor and Rose, staring at them.
JEFFERSON (into his communication device, absolutely incredulous): Captain... you're not going to believe this. We've got people. Out of nowhere. I mean, real people. I mean two... living... people. Just standing here, right in front of me.
The Doctor and Rose obviously don't quite know what to make of this unusual reception.
ZACH (back through communication device): Don't be stupid, that's impossible.
JEFFERSON (stares at them): I suggest telling them that.
ROSE: But you're a sort of space base, you must have visitors now and then. It can't be that impossible.
JEFFERSON (roughly): You're telling me you don't know where you are?
THE DOCTOR: No idea. More fun that way.
He grins.
SCOOTI (over tannoy): Stand by, everyone. Buckle down. We have incoming. And it's a big one. Quake Point 5 on its way.
As the base starts to quake and tremble, Jefferson rushes over to a door and opens it.
JEFFERSON (urgently): Through here! Now. Quickly, come on!
Sirens sound. The Doctor and Rose run to follow him through the door, with the two other security guards.
JEFFERSON: Now!
INT. CORRIDOR
They come through into another corridor which is shaking, smoke rising from the floor, complete chaos.
JEFFERSON (CONT'D) (over the noise): Move it! Come on! Come on, come on!
Rose screams as she nearly falls over and sparks fly everywhere.
JEFFERSON (CONT'D): Move it, come on! Quickly! Move it!
They hurry down the corridor and find themselves in.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
The control room, where the crew are busy working. Toby, Ida and Zach all look up when they walk in. Their mouths drop open. The Doctor beams around at everyone.
ZACH: Oh, my Ggod. You meant it.
SCOOTI: People! Look at that! Real people!
THE DOCTOR: That's us. Hooray!
ROSE (smiling at them): Yeah, definitely real. My name's Rose... Rose Tyler, and... and this is the Doctor.
DANNY (striding over to them): Come on... the oxygen must be offline. We're hallucinating. They can't be... no. They're real!
ZACH (impatiently): Come on, we're in the middle of an alert! Danny, strap up, the quake's coming in! Impact in thirty seconds!
The seconds count down on a computer screen.
ZACH (CONT'D) (to the Doctor and Rose): Sorry, you two, whoever you are. Just... hold on. Tight.
ROSE: Hold on to what?
ZACH: Anything. I don't care. Just hold on. Ood, are we fixed?
The Doctor and Rose find some railings to hold on to.
OOD: Your kindness in this emergency is much appreciated.
THE DOCTOR: What's this planet called, anyway?
IDA: Now, don't be stupid. It hasn't got a name. How could it have a name?
The Doctor raises his eyebrows.
IDA (CONT'D): You really don't know, do you?
ZACH: And... Impact!
The entire base shakes violently. The crew, the Doctor and Rose all cling on tight, but it's over pretty quickly. The Doctor stands.
THE DOCTOR: Oh, well, that wasn't so bad...!
He is thrown backwards as the base shakes even more violently than it did before. He clings to the railing for dear life. There is a small explosion from one of the consoles. Sparks fly around the room. They are all tossed about like rag-dolls. Finally, it stops.
ZACH: Okay, that's it.
Jefferson hurries forward with a fire extinguisher.
ZACH: Everyone all right? Speak to me, Ida?
IDA: Yeah, yeah!
ZACH: Danny?
DANNY: Fine.
ZACH: Toby?
TOBY: Yeah, fine.
ZACH: Scooti?
SCOOTI: No damage.
ZACH: Jefferson?
JEFFERSON: Check!
THE DOCTOR: We're fine, thanks, fine, yeah, don't worry about us.
ZACH: The surface caved in.
The graphics on the computer screen indicate the part of the base that has been lost.
ZACH (CONT'D): I deflected it onto storage 5 through 8. We've lost them completely. Toby, go and check the rocket link.
TOBY: That's not my department.
ZACH: Just do as I say, yeah?
Toby grudgingly leaves the room.
IDA: Oxygen holding. Internal gravity 56.6. We should be okay.
ROSE (looking around): Never mind the earthquake, that's... that's one hell of a storm. What is that, a hurricane?
SCOOTI: You'd need an atmosphere for a hurricane. There's no air out there. It's a complete vacuum.
ROSE: Then what's shaking the roof?
IDA: You're not joking. You really don't know? Well, introductions. FYI, as they said in the olden days. I'm Ida Scott, science officer. (Indicates Zach). Zachary Cross Flane, acting Captain, sir... you've met Mr Jefferson, he's head of security. Danny Bartock. Ethics committee.
DANNY: Not as boring as it sounds.
The Doctor and Rose grin at him.
IDA: And that man who just left, that was Toby Zed, archaeology, and this... (Places her hands on Scooti's shoulders) ... is Scooti Manista. Trainee maintenance.
Scooti smiles at them. Ida goes over to a set of controls.
IDA (CONT'D): And this... this is home.
She turns a lever and a whirring sound starts.
ZACH: Brace yourselves. The sight of it sends some people mad.
The room is flooded with a red-ish light as an overhead window opens, revealing a black hole right above them. The Doctor and Rose stand, amazed, watching the light being sucked into it.
ROSE: That's a black hole.
THE DOCTOR (in disbelief): But that's impossible.
ZACH: I did warn you.
THE DOCTOR: We're standing under a black hole.
IDA: We're in orbit.
THE DOCTOR: But we can't be...
IDA: You can see for yourself. We're in orbit.
THE DOCTOR (turning to look at her): But we can't be.
IDA: This lump of rock is suspended in perpetual geostationary orbit around that black hole without falling in. Discuss.
ROSE: And that's bad, yeah?
THE DOCTOR: That doesn't cover it... a black hole's a dead star, it collapses in on itself, in and in and in until the matter's so dense and tight it starts to pull everything else in too. Nothing in the universe can escape it. Light, gravity... time... everything just gets pulled inside... and crushed.
ROSE: So, they can't be in orbit. We should be pulled right in.
THE DOCTOR: We should be dead.
IDA: And yet... here we are. Beyond the laws of physics. Welcome on board.
ROSE: But if there's no atmosphere out there, what's that?
She points to clouds speeding rapidly towards the black hole outside the base.
IDA: Stars breaking up... gas clouds... we have whole solar systems being ripped apart above our heads before falling into that thing.
ROSE: So, a bit worse than a storm, then.
IDA: Just a bit.
ROSE: Just a bit, yeah.
The base shakes again.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
The camera pans out over the planet's surface, showing the sprawling base nestled in the mountainous, rocky landscape. The black hole above it sucks everything around the planet in, leaving the planet itself completely untouched.
INT. CORRIDOR
Toby emerges into one of the corridors with scrolls tucked under his arm.
VOICE OF THE BEAST (deadly whisper, seems like it comes from everywhere): Toby...
Toby looks around, puzzled. The lights flicker and go out, plunging him into darkness. But they come back on again after a few moments.
TOBY: Who's that?
He scans the corridor for the sources of the voice, but sees no one.
TOBY (CONT'D): Danny?
Evidently deciding to let it pass, Toby goes through another door, exiting the corridor.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Toby comes back into the control room, where the crew, the Doctor and Rose are crowded around the control panel.
COMPUTER: Close Door 1.
TOBY: The rocket link's fine.
Zack taps a button on the controls and a hologram the black hole appears before them. The Doctor puts his glasses on.
ZACH: That's the black hole officially designated K37 Gen 5.
IDA: In the scriptures of the Falltino, this planet is called Kroptor. The bitter pill. And the black hole is supposed to be a mighty demon. It was tricked into devouring the planet, only to spit it out. Because it was poison.
ROSE: The bitter pill. I like that.
THE DOCTOR (staring at the hologram): We are so far out. Lost in the drifts of the universe, how did you even get here?!
ZACH: We flew in. You see...
He presses another button and the hologram changes to one of the planet with a gravity field emanating out from it like a tunnel.
ZACH (CONT'D): This planet's generating a gravity field. We don't know how, we've no idea, but... it's kept in constant balance against the black hole. And the field extends out there. (He gestures). As a funnel. A distinct... gravity funnel, reaching out into clear space. That was our way in.
ROSE: You flew down that thing? (She grins). Like a rollercoaster.
ZACH: By rights, the ship should've been torn apart. We lost the Captain... which is what put me in charge...
IDA (consolingly): You're doing a good job.
ZACH: Yeah. Well, needs must.
DANNY: But if that gravity funnel closes, there's no way out.
SCOOTI: We had fun speculating about that.
DANNY: Oh, yeah. That's the word. (Whacks Scooti on the head with a scroll): "Fun".
THE DOCTOR (completely stumped): But that field would take phenomenal amounts of power! I mean... not just big, but off the scale! Can I...?
He gestures to the controls.
IDA: Sure. Help yourself.
She pushes the calculator over to him and leaves him to it. One of the Ood approaches Rose and gives her a cup.
OOD (CONT'D): Your refreshment.
ROSE (taking it): Oh yeah, thanks. Thank you. I'm sorry, what was your name?
OOD: We have no titles. We are as one.
He leaves. Rose approaches Danny.
ROSE (gesturing the Ood): Uhm, what are they called?
DANNY: Oh, come on. Where've you been living? Everyone's got one!
ROSE: Well, not me, so what are they?
DANNY: They're the Ood.
ROSE: The "Ood"?
DANNY (nodding): The Ood.
ROSE: Well that's... ood.
DANNY: Very ood! But handy. They work the mine shafts. All the drilling and stuff. Supervision, and maintenance! They're born for it. Basic slave race.
ROSE: You've got slaves?
SCOOTI (amused): Don't start, she's like one of that lot. Friends of the Ood.
ROSE (slightly annoyed): Well maybe I am, yeah. Since when do humans need slaves?
DANNY: But the Ood offer themselves. If you don't give them orders, they just pine away and die.
One of the Ood has approached Rose. She eyes it.
ROSE: Seriously? You like being ordered about?
OOD: It is all we crave.
ROSE: Why's that, then?
OOD: We have nothing else in life.
ROSE: Yeah, well I used to think like that. A long time ago.
THE DOCTOR (having finished with the calculator): There we go. D'you see? To generate that gravity field, and the funnel, you'd need a power source with an inverted self-extrapolating reflex of six to the power of six every six seconds.
ROSE: That's a lot of sixes.
THE DOCTOR: And it's impossible.
ZACH: It took us two years to work that out!
THE DOCTOR (modestly): I'm very good.
IDA: But... that's why we're here. This power source is ten miles below through solid rock. Point Zero. We're drilling down to try and find it.
ZACH: It's giving off readings of over ninety stats on the Blazen Scale.
IDA (enthusiastically): We could revolutionize modern science.
JEFFERSON: We could use it to fuel the Empire. THE DOCTOR (taking his glasses off): Or start a war.
TOBY: It's buried beneath us. In the darkness, waiting.
ROSE: What's your job? Chief... dramatist?
The Doctor smirks.
TOBY: Well, whatever it is down there is not a natural phenomena. And this, er, planet once supported life. Eons ago, before the human race had even learned to walk.
THE DOCTOR: I saw that lettering written on the wall. Did you do that?
TOBY (nods): I copied it from fragments we found on earth by the drilling, but I can't translate it.
THE DOCTOR: No, neither can I. And that's saying something.
TOBY: There was some form of civilisation. They buried something. Now it's reaching out. Calling us in.
THE DOCTOR (grins at them): And you came.
IDA: Well, how could we not?
Zach switches off the hologram.
THE DOCTOR (still grinning at them all fondly): So, when it comes right down to it, why did you come here? Why did you do that? Why? I'll tell you why. Because it was there. Brilliant. Excuse me, ah, Zach, wasn't it?
ZACH: That's me.
THE DOCTOR: Just stand there, 'cos I'm gonna hug you. Is that all right?
Jefferson stares.
ZACH: I s'pose so.
THE DOCTOR (edging towards him): Here we go. Coming in.
He throws his arms around Zach and clutches him, beaming.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Ahh, human beings, you are amazing!
Ida looks bemused.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Ha!
Rose chuckles. The Doctor releases Zach.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Thank you.
ZACH: Not at all.
THE DOCTOR: But apart from that, you're completely mad. You should pack your bags and get back in that ship and fly for your lives.
IDA: You can talk! And how the hell did you get here?
THE DOCTOR: Oh, I've got this um... this... it's hard to explain, it just sort of... appears.
ROSE: We can show you, we parked down the corridor from um... oh, what's it called? Uh, habitation area...
THE DOCTOR: Three.
ROSE: Three. Three.
ZACH: Do you mean storage six?
THE DOCTOR (cheerfully): Uh, it was a bit of a cupboard, yeah.
Zach glances uncomfortably at Ida.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Storage six, but you said... (It dawns on him). You said... you said storage five to eight.
Without another word, he turns on his heel and dashes from the room.
INT. CORRIDOR
He springs back down the corridor, Rose hot on his tail.
ROSE (shouting after him): What is it? What's wrong?
The Doctor frantically opens Door 19.
INT. HABITATION AREA THREE
Back into the canteen area.
COMPUTER: Open Door 19.
He sprints the length of the room.
COMPUTER (CONT'D): Close Door 19.
The Doctor spins the wheel to try and open the door back through the other corridor.
THE DOCTOR (furiously): Stupid doors, come on!
It swings open.
INT. CORRIDOR
They emerge into yet another corridor.
COMPUTER: Open Door 17.
They dash down the corridor, open another door.
INT. CORRIDOR
COMPUTER (CONT'D): Open Door 15.
The Doctor slams himself against the next door, frantically pushing the button to open it but it won't budge.
COMPUTER (CONT'D): Door 16 out of commission.
THE DOCTOR: Can't be, can't be!
ROSE: What's wrong?! What is it?
The Doctor opens a small round window in the door and looks through it.
ROSE (CONT'D): Doctor, the TARDIS is in there. What's happened.
THE DOCTOR (staring out of the window): The TARDIS is gone.
He backs away from the window, absolutely horrified, breathing heavily.
COMPUTER: Door 16 out of commission.
THE DOCTOR: The earthquake. This section collapsed.
ROSE (stares at him, puzzled): But it's gotta be out there somewhere.
She peers out of the window to witness the rocky landscape of the planet outside.
THE DOCTOR: Look down.
Rose looks down. There is a gaping chasm right beneath them.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
The Doctor and Rose are back in the control room. The Doctor is on at Zach.
THE DOCTOR (with urgency): The ground gave way. My TARDIS must've fallen down right into the heart of the planet. But you've got robot drills heading the same way.
ZACH: We can't divert the drilling.
He walks off. The Doctor stares at him, then follows him.
THE DOCTOR: But I need my ship. It's all I've got. Literally the only thing.
ZACH (obviously irritated): Doctor, we've only got the resources to drill one central shaft down to the power source, and that's it. No diversions, no distractions, no exceptions. Your machine is lost. All I can do is offer you a lift if we ever get to leave this place, and that... is the end of it.
He leaves. Ida approaches the Doctor, who looks completely helpless.
IDA: I'll uh, put you on the duty roster. We need someone in the laundry.
She follows Zach from the room.
COMPUTER: Open Door 1.
The Doctor and Rose look at each other. One of the Ood exits, leaving them alone.
COMPUTER (CONT'D): Close Door 1.
The Doctor goes to Rose and settles against the control panel next to her.
THE DOCTOR (quietly): I've trapped you here.
ROSE: No. Don't worry about me.
The base shakes again.
ROSE (looking upwards through the window): Okay, we're on a planet that shouldn't exist, under a black hole... and no way out.
The Doctor looks at her. She catches his eye.
ROSE (CONT'D): Yeah, I've changed my mind. Start worrying about me.
She laughs nervously. The Doctor pulls her into a tight hug. He looks darkly at the black hole, just holding her.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
COMPUTER: Entering night shift. Your chosen track for transition is Ravel's Bolero.
Ravel's Bolero plays, as the Ood work in the base. Jefferson wanders among them. He watches Scooti at work, on the planet's surface. She finishes whatever she's doing, then speaks into the communication device on her wrist, grinning.
SCOOTI: All finished. Heading back inside.
She starts to head back to the base. Inside, Danny is ticking off the Ood on a clipboard as they file past him.
DANNY: Ood 7 Gamma 10. Ood 7 Gamma 11. Ood 7 Gamma 12...
INT. TOBY'S BEDROOM
The music carries to where Toby is in his office come bedroom, examining fragments of the ancient scrolls beneath a microscope. The music is cut off sharply and there is the sound of the buzz of electricity. Toby looks up, then dismisses it, going back to his work.
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: Toby...
Toby's head jerks sharply around, eyes searching the room. He decides to ignore it, again, and goes back to examining the scrolls.
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): I can see you...
TOBY (irritated): Danny, is that you? It's... it's not funny, all right?
No reply. Toby gets up and strides towards the door.
TOBY (CONT'D): Dan?
He opens the door.
INT. CORRIDOR
He emerges into the corridor. He looks from end to end, but there's no one there.
TOBY: I'm... I'm trying to work, Daniel. (Looks around, disturbed). Look, if... if that's you, then can you just stop it...?
The lights flicker again. Toby heads back to his door. There is low, indistinct growl from no where in particular, and Toby once again glances up and down the corridor, but it is still deserted, and the sound stops.
INT. HABITATION AREA THREE
The Doctor and Rose are sat by the ancient text in the canteen area, the Doctor staring at it with his brow furrowed.
ZACH (over tannoy): Danny, check the temperature of Ood Habitation. It seems to be rising.
Rose gets up and walks over to the hatch through which the food is being served. Danny stands to do what Zach tells him. Scooti is already by the hatch with her tray.
SCOOTI (gesturing to the trays): Help yourself. Just don't have the green. Or the blue.
She laughs. Rose picks up a tray and goes over to the hatch. The Ood are serving.
ROSE (pointing): Uh, bit of that, thanks.
The Ood spoons some sloppy blue gloop onto her tray.
OOD: Would you like sauce with that?
ROSE: I'll have a go, yeah.
The Ood shakes some sauce onto the tray. Rose grins.
ROSE: I did that job once. I was a... a dinner lady! Not that I'm calling you a lady. Although, I dunno, you might be. Do you actually get paid, though? Do they give you money?
OOD (politely): The Beast and his Armies shall rise from the Pit to make war against God.
ROSE: ... I'm sorry?
The Ood taps his communication orb.
OOD: Apologies. I said, "I hope you enjoy your meal".
ROSE (completely thrown): Yeah.
She picks up her tray and walks off.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Zach is working in the control room.
COMPUTER (with illustrative diagram): Drill head now at Point 16.
A hologram appears again. Zach taps some keys.
COMPUTER: Drill head speed increasing.
ZACH: Keep pressure at 60.
He stands and walks to another set of controls. While his back is turned, an image of a horned beast replaces the hologram of the planet. It roars quietly. Zach spins around, but it's already gone. Zach looks around him nervously.
INT. CORRIDOR
Danny is turning a wheel to open another door.
COMPUTER: Close Door 3.
DANNY: I've closed Door 3.
COMPUTER: He is awake.
DANNY (stopping): What did you say?
COMPUTER: Close Door 3.
Danny peers through the circular window in the door.
INT. TOBY'S BEDROOM
Toby is still examining the fragments of the ancient text. His room is deadly silent.
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: Toby...
Toby starts to turn, but...
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): Don't turn around.
The camera is behind him, on his back, giving the strong impression that he is being watched.
TOBY (fearfully): Dan... (Breathes heavily).That's not Dan.
He start to turn again...
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: Don't look at me.
Toby obeys.
TOBY: Who... who are you?
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: I have so many names.
TOBY: If... If I could...
He looks as though he wants to turn again.
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: If you look at me, you will die.
TOBY: But who are you?
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: I'm behind you, Toby. I'm right behind you.
Toby's head jerks again. It's a huge effort for him not to turn and look.
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): Don't look... Don't look at me.
Toby resists the urge once more, trembling.
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): One look and you will die.
The camera zooms slowly towards Toby's back, giving the impression that something is coming closer...
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST (CONT'D): I'm reaching out, Toby. I'm so close. Don't turn around. Oh, I can touch you...
And it's too much. Toby snaps, spinning around... and it stops. The voice is gone and the room is deserted. Toby breathes a sigh of relief, but is nevertheless confused and perturbed. The lights flicker out in the corridor. Toby suddenly pauses and looks down at his gloved hands, as though he has felt something. He turns them over, looking at them. He puts down the broken pieces of the artifact he was studying and pulls the gloves off, looking at the back of his hands, which are quite normal. But then, he turns them around, looking at his palms. They are covered with the ancient symbols, as though it has been stained into his skin. He stands in shock, staring at them. He picks up a mirror from his desk and looks at his face - not only has that now broken out in the ancient symbols, but his eyes have turned red. He looks at himself with horror, then throws the mirror back down onto the desk. His whole body arches as though he is in pain, and he falls to his knees. Then he falls forwards, unconscious, on the floor.
INT. HABITATION AREA THREE
In the canteen area, the lights flicker.
IDA (into her wrist comm. Device): Zach, have we got a problem?
ZACH: No more than usual. Got the Scarlet System burning up, it might be worth a look.
Ida looks at the Doctor and Rose who are sat opposite each other at one of the tables.
IDA: You might wanna see this. Moment in history.
She pulls a lever which opens the overhead "shutters", revealing the black hole overhead and flooding the room with soft red light.
IDA (CONT'D) (pointing): There. On the edge.
A stream of red light is spiralling into the black hole.
IDA (CONT'D): That red cloud... that used to be the Scarlet System. Home to the Peluchi... a mighty civilisation spanning a billion years... disappearing. Forever. Their planets and suns consumed.
She's gazing up at it, fascinated, as are the Doctor and Rose. The last of the Scarlet System disappears into the black hole.
IDA (CONT'D): Ladies and gentlemen... we have witnessed its passing.
She goes to pull the lever to close the shutters again, but the Doctor stops her.
THE DOCTOR: Er, no, could you leave it open?
Rose looks at him.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Just for a bit. I won't go mad, I promise.
IDA: How would you know? (The Doctor smiles). Scooti, check the lockdown.
Scooti nods and leaves.
IDA (CONT'D): Jefferson, sign off the airlock seals for me.
Jefferson and Ida exit, leaving the Doctor and Rose alone.
COMPUTER: Open Door 18.
ROSE: I've seen films and things, yeah, they say black holes are like gateways to another universe.
COMPUTER: Close Door 18.
THE DOCTOR: Not that one. It just eats.
ROSE: Long way from home...
The Doctor glances at her.
THE DOCTOR (pointing): Go that way, turn right, keep going for um... about five hundred years... then you'll reach the Earth.
Rose takes her phone out of her pocket and presses a few buttons.
ROSE: No signal. That's the first time we've gone out of range. Mind you, even if I could... what would I tell her...? Can you build another TARDIS?
She laughs half-heartedly, knowing it's impossible.
THE DOCTOR: They were grown, not built. And with my own planet gone... we're kind of stuck.
ROSE (consolingly, trying to keep the tone light): Well, it could be worse. This lot said they'd give us a lift.
THE DOCTOR: And then what?
ROSE: I dunno... find a planet... get a job... live a life, same as the rest of the universe.
THE DOCTOR: Pfft... I'd have to settle down. In a house or something, a proper house with... with... with... with doors and things. Carpets! Me! Living in a house!
Rose laughs.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): Now that... that is terrifying.
ROSE (teasingly, sing-song): You'd have to get a mortgage.
THE DOCTOR (staring, horrified): ... No.
ROSE: Oh yes.
THE DOCTOR: I am dying. That's it. I am dying, it is all over.
ROSE: What about me? I'd have to get one too. I dunno, could... could be the same one, we could both...
The Doctor looks at her. She catches his eye.
ROSE (CONT'D): I dunno... share. Or not, you know. Whatever.
The Doctor nods, clearly feeling slightly awkward.
ROSE (CONT'D) (quickly): I dunno, we'll sort something out...
THE DOCTOR: Anyway.
ROSE (laughs it off): We'll see!
They sit in silence for a few moments.
THE DOCTOR: I promised Jackie I'd always take you back home.
ROSE: Everyone leaves home in the end.
THE DOCTOR: Not to end up stuck here.
ROSE: Yeah, but stuck with you, that's not so bad.
THE DOCTOR (looking at her): Yeah?
ROSE (sincerely): Yes.
The Doctor smiles. The moment is broken by Rose's phone ringing. Rose answers.
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: He is awake.
Shocked, Rose flings the phone to the floor.
INT. TOBY'S BEDROOM
Toby jerks awake. A murderous look comes into his eyes.
INT. OOD HABITATION
The Doctor and Rose bound down the stairs to see Danny in Ood Habitation.
THE DOCTOR: Evening!
ROSE: Only us!
DANNY (who is working at a computer): The mysterious couple. How are you, then? Settling in?
THE DOCTOR: Yeah, sorry, straight to business, the Ood, how do they communicate? I mean, with each other.
The Ood are sat in an area below them in what looks almost like an animal-pen. A balcony looks over this area and there are steps from there.
DANNY (shrugging): Oh, just empaths. There's a low level telepathic field connecting them. Not that that does them much good. They're basically a herd race. Like cattle.
THE DOCTOR: This telepathic field, can it pick up messages?
ROSE: 'Cos I was having dinner, and one of the Ood said something... well, odd.
DANNY: Oh. An odd Ood.
ROSE: And then I got something else on my er... (She glances at the Doctor) communicator thing.
DANNY: Oh, be fair. We've got whole star systems burning up around us. There's all sorts of stray transmissions. Probably nothing.
The Doctor and Rose stare at him, far from convinced.
DANNY (CONT'D): Look... if there was something wrong, it would show. We monitor the telepathic field. It's the only way to look after them. They're so stupid, they don't even tell us when they're ill.
THE DOCTOR (nodding to the computer): Monitor the field, that's this thing?
The reading on the screen says "Basic 5".
DANNY: Yeah. But like I said, it's low level telepathy. They only register Basic 5.
While he has been speaking, the reading has risen to Basic 6.
THE DOCTOR: Well, that's not Basic 5.
It rises, again and again.
THE DOCTOR (CONT'D): 10...
Rose watches as the Ood suddenly raise their heads in unison as the reading ascends.
THE DOCTOR: 20... (He turns to Danny). They've gone up to Basic 30.
DANNY: But they can't...
ROSE: Doctor, the Ood...
The Ood turn, as one, and look up at the three of them on the balcony.
ROSE: What does Basic 30 mean?
DANNY (baffled): Well, it means that they're shouting, screaming inside their heads.
THE DOCTOR (quietly): Or something's shouting at them...
DANNY (tapping on the keyboard): But... where's it coming from? What is it saying? I mean... (He looks at Rose). What did it say to you?
ROSE: Something about the beast in the pit.
DANNY (blinks): What about your communicator? What did that say?
ROSE (after a pause): He is awake.
OOD (as one): And you will worship him.
DANNY: What the hell?
THE DOCTOR (addressing the Ood): He is awake.
OOD: And you will worship him.
THE DOCTOR: Worship who? (No reply). Who's talking to you? Who is it?
INT. TOBY'S BEDROOM
Scooti goes into Toby's room, holding a file.
SCOOTI: Toby, I've got your expenditure...
She notices the room is deserted. She puts the file down on the desk.
COMPUTER: Open Door 41.
Scooti pauses, confused. There is the sound of a door opening.
COMPUTER (CONT'D): Close Door 41.
The sound of the door closing. Scooti looks around, perturbed.
SCOOTI: 41...
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. CORRIDOR
She dashes out into the corridor. She heads for door 41.
COMPUTER (as Scooti closes it): Close Door 40.
SCOOTI (into a control panel next to Door 41): Computer, did you open and close Door 41?
COMPUTER: Confirmed.
SCOOTI: But... that's the airlock. Why would you open the airlock? It's the night shift, we're not allowed outside. Has someone gone out?
COMPUTER: Confirmed.
SCOOTI: But who was it?
COMPUTER: Cannot confirm.
SCOOTI: Okay... but hold on, I know, tell me whose spacesuit's been logged out.
COMPUTER: No spacesuit has been logged out.
SCOOTI: But... you're not making any sense, you can't go outside without...
She gives up and speaks into her wrist device.
SCOOTI (CONT'D): Zach, I think we've got breakdown on Door 41, it's saying somebody's gone outside onto the planet's surface.
The communication device cracks and fizzles but there is no reply. Scooti taps it.
SCOOTI (CONT'D): Zach? Zach?
She speaks into the control panel again.
SCOOTI (CONT'D): Computer, trace fault.
COMPUTER: There is no fault.
SCOOTI (irritated now): Tell me who went through that door!
COMPUTER: He is awake.
SCOOTI: What?
COMPUTER: He is awake.
SCOOTI: What's that supposed to mean?
COMPUTER: He bathes in the black sun.
Scooti steps away from the control panel, disturbed. A little further along the corridor, a shutter opens on a window onto the planet's surface. Scooti looks out, and sees Toby there, with no spacesuit. He has his back turned on the window. Scooti's eyes widen. Toby turns and when he sees her, a huge, menacing smile breaks out across his face. He is still covered with the ancient symbols, and his eyes are still red.
SCOOTI (staring): Toby... but there's no air, there's no...
Toby, still with that terrible smile, raises his hand and beckons to Scooti. Scooti reaches out towards him as though hypnotised, eyes becoming moist. Hold the moment, before...
SCOOTI (CONT'D) (with force): No! Stop it! You can't be!
The smile fades from Toby's face. His outstretched hand clenches into a fist and sound of glass cracking fills the air. Scooti gasps as cracks and fissures appear on the window. She rushes to the door.
SCOOTI (CONT'D) (frantically): Open Door 40! Open Door 40!
She's rattling the at the door as the cracks get bigger, but it will not open.
SCOOTI (CONT'D) (screaming): Open Door 40! Open Door 40!
The cracks become larger and larger. Scooti's face is screwed up with terror.
SCOOTI (CONT'D): Open Door 40...
And finally the glass explodes outwards. Scooti is sucked backwards, screaming.
INT. OOD HABITATION
The entire base shakes. Rose and the Doctor are down in the "pen" with the Ood, Danny still on the overhead balcony when they are thrown violently around and they struggle to regain their balance.
COMPUTER: Emergency hull breach. Emergency hull breach.
DANNY (scared, into wrist device): Which section?
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Zach picks himself up off the floor in the control room. He speaks into his own communication device.
ZACH: Everyone... evacuate 11 to 13, we've got a breach! The base is open. Repeat: the base is open.
INT. CORRIDOR
Jefferson and two other crew members hurry along a corridor, shielding themselves from the sparks flying from the walls and the smoke rising through the floor.
INT. HABITATION AREA THREE
COMPUTER: Open Door 19.
The Doctor and Rose burst back into the canteen area, followed by Danny.
COMPUTER (CONT'D): Close Door 19.
INT. CORRIDOR
ZACH: I can't contain the oxygen field, we're gonna lose it!
INT. CORRIDOR
JEFFERSON (yelling, trying to open a door): Come on! Keep moving!
The Doctor, Rose and Danny come from one direction and Ida and other crew members from the other.
JEFFERSON (CONT'D) (pulling Toby through the door): And you too, Toby!
Toby (whose face and eyes are back to normal) falls flat on his face through the door as Jefferson slams it shut.
COMPUTER: Breach sealed. Breach sealed.
THE DOCTOR (dashing over to them): Everyone all right?! What happened? What was it?
COMPUTER: Oxygen levels normal.
JEFFERSON (panting): Hull breach! We were open to the elements. A couple of minutes and we'd have been inspecting that black hole at close quarters.
Rose crouches to help Toby, who is still sweating and panting on the floor.
THE DOCTOR: That wasn't a quake. What caused it?
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH (looking at a diagram of the base on his monitor): We've lost sections 11 to 13. Everyone all right?
JEFFERSON (into his wrist device): We've got everyone here except Scooti. Scooti, report.
Static and a beep on the communication device.
JEFFERSON (CONT'D): Scooti Manista? That's an order. Report.
Again, he only comes up with the blank beep and the static.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: She's all right.
INT. CORRIDOR
Jefferson and Ida breath a sigh of relief.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH (CONT'D): I picked up her bio chip, she's in Habitation 3.
The hologram shows a red dot indicating Scooti's location in Habitation 3.
ZACH (CONT'D): Better go and check if she's not responding, she might be unconscious.
INT. CORRIDOR
Toby looks at his hands, turns them over, but they're clean.
ZACH (CONT'D): How about that, eh? We survived.
JEFFERSON: Habitation 3... come on, I don't often say this, but I think we could all do with a drink. Come on.
Everyone but Toby, the Doctor and Rose follow Jefferson down the corridor. The Doctor crouches down to Toby, who looks severely shaken.
THE DOCTOR: What happened?
TOBY (speaking very fast, flustered): I don't... I dunno, I... I was working and then I can't remember. All... all that noise, the room was falling apart, there was no air...
ROSE (helping Toby to his feet): Come on. Up you get. Come and have some Protein One.
She has her arm linked through his and is walking him along the corridor.
THE DOCTOR: Oh, you've gone native.
ROSE: Oi, don't knock it. It's nice. Protein One with just a (clicks her fingers) dash of Three.
INT. HABITATION AREA THREE
The canteen, is slightly chaotic. They're all looking for Scooti, all talking over each other.
IDA: I've checked Habitation 4...
JEFFERSON: There's no sign of her. The bio chip says she's in the area.
Rose and Toby come through the door followed by the Doctor.
JEFFERSON (CONT'D): Have you seen Scooti?
TOBY: No, no, no, I don't think so.
IDA (into wrist device): Scooti, please respond, if you can hear this please respo... Habitation 6.
JEFFERSON: Nowhere here. (Into wrist device) Zach? We've got a problem. Scooti's still missing.
ZACH: It says Habitation 3.
JEFFERSON: Yeah, well that's where I am, and I'm telling you she's not there.
The Doctor gazes upwards, through the overhead window.
THE DOCTOR: I've found her.
They all look upwards, following his gaze. Rose's hand flies over her mouth.
ROSE: Oh, my God...
Scooti's body is floating eerily just outside the window.
THE DOCTOR: Sorry. I'm so sorry.
The rest of them just stare, horrified.
JEFFERSON (into wrist device, quietly): Captain... report Officer Scootori Manista PKD... deceased. 43K2.1.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Zach receives this news in the control room.
INT. HABITATION AREA THREE
IDA: She was twenty... twenty years old.
She goes over to the controls. The Doctor stares up at Scooti's body, grave and silent. Ida pulls the lever to close the shutters. Scooti drifts further and further away towards the black hole as they close.
JEFFERSON: For how should Man die better than facing fearful odds? For the ashes of his father... and the temples of his Gods.
His voice has dropped to a whisper. The shutters have closed completely, leaving the room noticeably darker and gloomier than before. A strange silence has also fallen.
IDA (listening): It's stopped...
A distant crash.
ROSE (standing by the Doctor): What was that? What was it?
THE DOCTOR: The drill.
IDA: We've stopped drilling. We've made it. Point Zero.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
Exterior shot of the base.
ZACH (over tannoy): All non-essential Oods to be confined.
INT. EXPLORATION DEC
The crew are preparing to go down the mineshaft.
IDA: Capsule established. All systems functioning... the mineshaft is go... bring systems online now.
The Doctor, already garbed in a spacesuit, approaches Zach. Zach stares at him.
THE DOCTOR: Reporting as a volunteer for the expeditionary force.
ZACH: Doctor, this is breaking every single protocol. We don't even know who you are.
THE DOCTOR: Yeah, but you trust me, don't you? And you can't let Ida go down there on her own. Go on... look me in the eye... yes you do, I can see it. Trust.
ZACH: I should be going down.
THE DOCTOR: The Captain doesn't lead the mission. He stays here. In charge.
ZACH (bitterly): Not much good at it, am I?
The Doctor doesn't answer, but simply looks at him. Zach sighs.
ZACH (CONT'D) (addressing everyone): Positions! We're going down in two. Everyone, positions!
Rose catches the Doctor's eye. They walk over to each other.
ZACH: Mr Jefferson! I want maximum systems...
His voice fades as he walks away. Rose and the Doctor stand facing one another. The Doctor checks a device on the wrist of the spacesuit.
THE DOCTOR: Oxygen... nitro-balance... gravity. It's ages since I wore one of these!
ROSE: I want that spacesuit back in one piece, you got that?
THE DOCTOR: Yes, sir.
He puts on the helmet.
ROSE: It's funny, 'cos people back home think that space travel's gonna be all whizzing about and teleports and anti-gravity... but it's not, is it? (Her voice breaks slightly). It's tough.
THE DOCTOR (with confidence): I'll see you later.
ROSE: Not if I see you first.
She laughs softly and pulls his head down so she can place a kiss on his helmet.
INT. OOD HABITATION
Danny addresses the Ood in Ood Habitation.
DANNY: You will remain here. No command can override this. Have you got that? My instructions only.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
Zach presses a few buttons on the panel in the control room.
ZACH: Capsule active. Counting down in 10... 9...
INT. EXPLORATION DEC
Zach's voice is booming out over the tannoy.
ZACH (CONT'D): 8... 7... 6...
The Doctor and Ida go into the capsule. Jefferson closes the door after them.
ZACH (CONT'D): 5... 4... 3... 2...
Jefferson salutes them.
ZACH (CONT'D): 1...
Rose waves, smiling. The Doctor waves back, returning the smile.
ZACH (CONT'D): Release.
The capsule descends the shaft. Toby is sitting hunched in a corner. He's very twitchy and paranoid and keeps checking his hands. A diagram on a computer screen shows the descent of the capsule into the depths of the planet.
INT. CAPSULE
The Doctor and Ida stand inside the shaking capsule in silence.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
The hologram on the control panel also shows the capsules descent. Zach watches it. The stats now says "DANGER" underneath "oxygen".
ZACH: Gone beyond the oxygen field. You're on your own.
INT. CAPSULE
The Doctor and Ida both switch on their oxygen tanks.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
ROSE (into the comm, obviously worried out of her mind): Don't forget to breath. Breathing's good.
She demonstrates taking deep breaths.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Rose, stay off the comm.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
ROSE: Fat chance.
INT. CAPSULE
The capsule shakes rather too violently, and the Doctor and Ida are thrown off their feet. They hang on to the sides of the capsule to steady themselves.
INT. OOD HABITATION
In Ood Habitation, every Ood suddenly stands and turns, looking up at Danny and the crew member who is with him. The crew member points his gun at the Ood, glancing at Danny.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
The diagram on the computer screen indicates the capsule has reached Point Zero. It causes the whole base to shake. As soon as Rose has managed to steady herself, she's back on the comm.
ROSE: Doctor? (No reply). Doctor, are you all right?
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Ida, report to me... (Silence. More forcefully...). Doctor?
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
The Doctor and Ida, at Point Zero, alight from the capsule.
THE DOCTOR: It's all right... we've made it... coming out of the capsule now.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
Rose breathes a sigh of relief.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
The Doctor and Ida step slowly out into the darkness, flashing their torches around.
ROSE: What's it like down there?
THE DOCTOR: It's hard to tell... some sort of... cave... cavern... it's massive.
IDA: Well, this should help. Gravity globe.
She tosses some sort of white orb up into the air. It floods the entire cavern with light, revealing what is quite clearly ancient architecture. The cavern is enormous, there is a huge face etched into the rock.
IDA (CONT'D) (filled with awe): That's... that's... my God, that's beautiful.
THE DOCTOR (looking around): Rose... you can tell Toby... we've found his civilisation...
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
ROSE (cheerfully): Oi, Toby, sounds like you've got plenty of work.
Toby, still distracted and twitchy, isn't really as interested in this information as he normally would be.
TOBY: Good, good. Good.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Concentrate now, people. Keep on the mission. Ida... what about the power source?
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
The Doctor and Ida traipse alongside a rocky wall, Ida holding the flashlight in front of them.
IDA: We're close. Energy signature indicates north, north west. Are you getting pictures up there?
ZACH: There's too much interference. We're in your hands.
IDA :Well... we've come this far. There's no turning back.
THE DOCTOR: Oh, did you have to? No turning back? That's almost as bad as "nothing can possible go wrong" or "this is is gonna be the best Christmas Walford's ever had"...
IDA (turning): Are you finished?
The Doctor stares at her.
THE DOCTOR: Yeah! Finished.
He walks off. Ida watches him, slightly amused.
INT. OOD HABITATION
One of the Ood blinks at Danny.
DANNY (into wrist device): Captain, sir. There's something happening with the Ood.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: What are they doing?
INT. OOD HABITATION
DANNY (keeping his voice low): They're staring at me. I've told them to stop, but they won't.
He glances at them nervously.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Danny, you're a big boy. I think you can take being stared at.
INT. OOD HABITATION
DANNY: But the telepathic field, sir. It's at Basic 100! I've checked, there isn't any fault. It's definitely 100.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: But that's impossible.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
Rose and Jefferson can hear this conversation from the exploration deck.
ROSE: What's Basic 100 mean?
INT. OOD HABITATION
DANNY: They should be dead.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
JEFFERSON: Basic 100's brain death.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: But they're safe? They're not actually moving?
INT. OOD HABITATION
DANNY: No, sir.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Keep watching them. And you, Jefferson, keep a guard on the Ood.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
JEFFERSON: Officer at arms!
He readies his gun.
CREW MEMBER: Yes, sir.
ROSE (concerned): You can't fire a gun in here. What if they hit a wall?
JEFFERSON: I'm firing stock 15, only packs upon organics. (To security guard): Keep watch. Guard them.
GUARD: Yes, sir.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
THE DOCTOR: Is everything all right up there?
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
ROSE (quickly): Yeah, yeah.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: It's fine.
INT. OOD HABITATION
DANNY (sarcastically): Great!
He sighs.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
The Doctor and Ida approach an enormous circular trapdoor with engravings on it.
THE DOCTOR: We've found something. It looks like metal. Like some sort of seal. I've got a nasty feeling the word might be "trapdoor". Not a good word, "trapdoor". Never met a trapdoor I liked.
IDA (shining the torch around the edge): The edge is covered with those symbols.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Do you think it opens?
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
THE DOCTOR: That's what trapdoors tend to do.
IDA (walking around it): "Trapdoor" doesn't do it justice. It's massive, Zach. About thirty feet in diameter.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Any way of opening it?
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
IDA: I don't know. I can't see any sort of mechanism.
THE DOCTOR: I suppose that's the writing, that'll tell us what to do. The letters that defy translation.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Toby, did you get anywhere with decoding it?
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
ROSE (looking over at him): Toby, they need to know, that lettering, does it make any sort of sense?
Toby has his head in his arms, still crouched in the corner.
TOBY (quietly): I know what it says.
ROSE: Then tell them.
JEFFERSON: When did you work that out?
ROSE: It doesn't matter, just tell them.
Toby stands. He turns towards them, revealing that he is once again covered in the symbols, eyes red. When Toby speaks, it is with the Voice of the Beast.
TOBY: These are the words of the Beast.
Rose stares at him in shock.
TOBY (CONT'D): And he has woken.
Jefferson points his gun at Toby.
TOBY (CONT'D): He is the heart that beats in the darkness, he is the blood that will never cease. And now he will rise.
JEFFERSON: Officer, stand down. Stand down.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
THE DOCTOR (with growing urgency): What is it? What's he done? What's happening? Rose? What's going on??
There is no reply.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Jefferson?
Only static comes through the comm. in answer. Zach hits some buttons.
ZACH (CONT'D): Report. Report!
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
Toby flexes his arms.
JEFFERSON: Officer, as commander of security, I order you to stand down and be confined. Immediately!
ROSE (into comm): He's come out in those symbols all over his face. They're all over him.
Toby considers them.
TOBY: Mr Jefferson, tell me, sir... did your wife ever forgive you?
JEFFERSON (although he clearly does): I don't know what you mean.
TOBY: Let me tell you a secret: she never did.
JEFFERSON (swallows): Officer... you stand down and be confined.
TOBY: Or what?
JEFFERSON: Or under the jurisdiction of Condition Red, I am authorised to shoot you.
He aims his gun at Toby.
TOBY: But how many can you kill?
His eyes light up and his mouth opens in a low roar as the symbols evaporate off Toby's skin and leave him as swirls of black smoke. This smoke then enters the Ood, who jerk as the Beast possesses them. Toby, himself again, coughs and collapses. Jefferson points his gun at the three Ood on the exploration deck.
INT. OOD HABITATION
The Ood in Habitation are also possessed.
OOD (as one): We are the Legion of the Beast.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
THE DOCTOR: Rose? What is it? Rose? (To Ida): I'm going back up.
He walks off.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH: Report. Report! Jefferson, report! (Shouts). Someone, report!
INT. OOD HABITATION
The Ood hold their communication orbs out in front of them.
OOD: The Legion shall be many. And the Legion shall be few...
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
ROSE (into comm): It's the Ood.
JEFFERSON (into wrist device): Sir, we have a contamination in the livestock.
ROSE: Doctor, I don't know what it is, it's... it's like they're possessed.
JEFFERSON: They won't listen to us.
INT. OOD HABITATION
OOD: He has woven himself in the fabric of your life since the dawn of time.
A single Ood separates himself from the rest and walks up the stairs from the "pen" towards Danny and the other crew member.
OOD (CONT'D): Some may call him Abaddon. Some may call him Kroptor. Some may call him Satan...
Danny turns to the computer, frantic. The other crew member has his gun ready.
OOD (CONT'D): Or Lucifer...
DANNY: Captain, it's the Ood. They're out of control!
OOD: Or the Bringer of Despair...
Danny and the other crew member back away as the single Ood approaches.
OOD (CONT'D): The Deathless Prince. The Bringer of Night.
The Ood stands a few feet away from the two of them, and the communication orb suddenly shoots out and attaches to the crew member's forehead. It looks as though he is electrocuted. He falls to the floor, dead. Danny runs.
OOD (CONT'D): These are the words that shall set him free.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
Jefferson, Rose and another crew member are backing away as the Ood advance.
JEFFERSON (shouts over his shoulder): Back up to the door!
OOD: I shall become manifest.
JEFFERSON: Move quickly!
OOD: I shall walk in might.
JEFFERSON: To the door!
They are backing up against the door.
JEFFERSON (CONT'D): Get it open!
OOD: My Legions shall swarm across the worlds...
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
Ida points her flashlight in the direction of the trapdoor as the ground starts to shake. It begins to open.
IDA: Doctor! It's opening!
INT. CONTROL ROOM
The whole base shakes. Zach grabs onto the console to steady himself.
ZACH: We're moving! The whole thing's moving! The planet's moving!
He stares upwards as the overhead shutters open.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
Rocks shower down on the Doctor and Ida - the Doctor is torn between going back and saving Ida, he stumbles towards Ida, falling over as the ground shakes. Ida whimpers, terrified.
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
The Ood still advance towards Rose and Jefferson.
OOD: I am the sin and the temptation. And the desire. I am the pain and the loss and the dead will come.
JEFFERSON: Get that door open!
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
The trapdoor is now completely open.
INT. CONTROL ROOM
ZACH (frantic): The gravity field... it's going! We're losing orbit!
The diagram on the computer screen indicates the planet moving around bizarrely.
ZACH (CONT'D): We're gonna fall into the black hole!
INT. EXPLORATION DECK
Rose and the other crew member desperately try to open the door, but it won't budge. Jefferson has his gun aimed at the advancing Ood, but they ignore it completely.
OOD: I have been imprisoned for eternity. But no more.
COMPUTER: Door sealed.
ROSE: Come on!
COMPUTER: Door sealed.
EXT. KROPTOR'S SURFACE
Billows of smoke rise from the pit, the ground still shaking.
THE VOICE OF THE BEAST: The Pit is open. And I am free.
The Doctor and Ida stare down into the pit, horror struck as the Voice of the Beast laughs terribly.
To be continued... | Plan: A: The Doctor; Q: Who believes the disc to be a door? A: a base; Q: Where do the Doctor and Rose arrive on a planet? A: a black hole; Q: What is the base on the planet orbiting? A: the middle; Q: Where are the crew of the base trying to drill to on the planet? A: the planet; Q: What does the TARDIS fall into? A: Captain Zachary Cross Flane; Q: Who is the leader of the base? A: the Ood; Q: What race of aliens serve the crew of the base? A: A quake; Q: What caused the base to fall into the planet? A: several sections; Q: How much of the base fell into the planet? A: the awakening; Q: What do the Ood foretell of the " Beast "? A: a " Beast; Q: What does the Ood foretell will awaken as the drill nears the planet's center? A: Beast; Q: What is the name of the entity that possesses Toby Zed? A: archaeologist Toby Zed; Q: Who was possessed by the Beast? A: The drilling finishes; Q: When does the Doctor offer to go with Ida Scott to the depths of the planet? A: the Doctor; Q: Who offers to go with Ida Scott to the depths of the planet? A: unreadable markings; Q: What is on the disc that the Doctor and Rose find? A: the possessed Toby; Q: Who tells Rose that the planet has begun to fall into the black hole? Summary: The Doctor and Rose arrive on a base on a planet which is impossibly orbiting a black hole . The crew of the base, who are there on an expedition to drill to the middle of the planet, is led by Captain Zachary Cross Flane. A race of aliens known as the Ood serve them. A quake strikes the planet, causing several sections of the base, including the one where the TARDIS was, to fall into the planet. As the drill nears the planet's centre, the Ood begin foretelling the awakening of a " Beast ", which possesses archaeologist Toby Zed and later the Ood. The drilling finishes, and the Doctor offers to go with Ida Scott to the depths of the planet, where they discover a disc with unreadable markings found on the base and the possessed Toby's face. The Doctor believes the disc to be a door, and as it begins to open the possessed Toby tells Rose that the planet has begun to fall into the black hole and the voice of the Beast announces that he is free. |
Act One
Scene One - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne is sat at the table as Martin enters in a suit.
Daphne: Oh, don't you look nice.
Martin: Yeah, Frasier wanted me dressed up for this mystery lunch of his.
Daphne: Ha hasn't told you what the occasion is either?
Martin: No, [sarcastic] but I'm sure it's something very important. I'm sure he wants to unveil his new antique Elizabethan egg timer.
Daphne: [laughs] Or debut his pre-Columbian spoon rest.
They chuckle as Frasier enters through the front door.
Frasier: Hello, all. Well, Dad, I see you're ready to roll.
Martin: Can you at least tell us what kind of restaurant you're taking us to?
Frasier: Patience Dad, Roz will be here in a few minutes and then we'll be off and all will be revealed. [sits with them]
Daphne: So, how did it go with the doctor? Judging by that smile on your face I'm guessing your cholesterol's down.
Frasier: Well, after several weeks of watching my diet and taking my medication and race-walking every Tuesday... it hasn't budged. The good news is, though, that I've developed bursitis to take my mind off of it. The doctor says it's all just a matter of aging. Well, no reason to let it ruin our festive lunch.
Martin: Yeah, boy, you don't forget that trip to the doctor, do you? That day he says, "There's nothing I can do for ya, you're just getting old, sport."
Frasier: In my case it was "slugger" but that was the gist.
Martin: Yeah, well, you know what I realize? When people reach our stage of life...
Frasier: Dad, please, with all due respect, when it comes to life's journeys, you and I don't share a stage, we're not even in the same theatre.
Daphne: You're taking this all very cheerfully, Dr. Crane. [doorbell sounds]
Frasier: [moves to door] Well, why shouldn't I? In many ways my life couldn't be better. I mean, by and large, I'm in good health, there is a promising new relationship on the horizon - the lovely Rachel - [opens door to Roz] my career is thriving.
Roz: Did you say thriving or diving?
Frasier: What?
Roz: Look at these ratings.
Frasier: Oh, Roz, that's nothing to worry about for God's sakes, it's just leveling off.
Roz: Yeah, that's what tends to happen when you hit bottom.
Frasier: There's no cause for alarm here, Roz. The important thing is that we go on doing a quality show.
Martin: Hey, how about some quality lunch?
Frasier: A splendid idea, Dad. Off we go, then. Niles will be joining us there. [mobile phone rings, he answers] Hello? Ah, Rachel, yes. [Roz eavesdrops] Momentito.
Frasier goes to the hallway. Roz sits with the others.
Roz: So is Donny going to be joining us?
Daphne: No, he's got wedding business this afternoon, he's composing our vows.
Roz: Oh, isn't that romantic.
Daphne: He's not exactly Wordsworth strolling through a shady glen. When I left, he was lying on the couch in his underwear with a tin of Vienna sausages and a rhyming dictionary on his chest. [laughs]
Frasier enters.
Frasier: Well, remember that new promising relationship on the horizon?
Roz: Yeah.
Frasier: It just got married in Vegas last night.
Roz: Well, great, then you don't have a date for Daphne's wedding?
Frasier: Oh, I'll find a date, don't worry, Roz. Lunch awaits.
They all head to the door.
Roz: Why don't we go together?
Frasier: No, Roz, I assure you my dance card will be punched.
Roz: By who?
Frasier: Well, I don't know right now, it's just that I will be Crane plus one.
Martin and Daphne exit and call the elevator
Roz: A-ha, well just in case you don't get a date, what time would you pick me up?
Frasier: I'm getting a date.
Roz: Just in case.
Frasier: I'm getting a date!
Roz: Well, what time are you picking her up?
Frasier: Three o'clock.
Roz: Well, would you make it three-thirty?
Frasier: I'm getting a date!
[SCENE_BREAK]
HE OFTEN FALLS OVER
WHILE TYING HIS SHOES
Scene Two - Stefano's Italian Restaurant. Frasier, Roz, Daphne and Martin are seated at a table. There are many caricatures hung on the walls
Daphne: So, what's the big occasion?
Frasier: Now, wait for it, Daphne, let the moment build. Besides, Niles hasn't arrived yet.
Martin: Oh, I'd be surprised if he came, he's terrified of this place.
Frasier: Still? My God, it's been thirty years!
Roz: What happened?
Martin: Oh, Hester and I brought the boys here when they were kids and Niles was running around, he bumped into the desert trolley and Stefano got hot and yelled at him and Niles got terrified and he, well...
Frasier: He vomited.
Martin: Right. All over Stefano's shoes. Then he ran out, hid behind the car and he hasn't been back in here since.
Roz: Poor little weenie.
Stefano sees them and comes over.
Stefano: Hey, Dr. Crane, bon giorno, bon giorno.
Frasier: Good to see you, Stefano, how are you? Allow me to introduce you to Daphne Moon, my father Martin you remember? [points to Roz] And this is...
Stefano: Hey, we all know; Roz. All right, for today we've got some special dishes. For you, Dr. Crane, porccini fresh from Napa.
Roz: And for me?
Stefano: [brings over waiter] Giorgio fresh from Sicily! [laughs]
Roz: Can I get him to go?
Stefano: Okay, now, I'm going to be waiting on you myself today, 'kay? You just give me a minute, I'll come back.
Stefano leaves as Frasier's mobile rings
Frasier: Oh, excuse me. [into phone] Hello? Yes, hello, Niles. Oh, really? Oh, what a shame.
Martin: Told ya.
Frasier: No, that's all right, your patient is having a crisis, you'd better address it, before it turns into a crippling, immature, life-long problem! [hangs up]
Daphne: You're not really mad at him, are you?
Frasier: Of course I'm mad at him. I'm certainly going to give him a piece of my mind at dinner tonight.
Roz: Tonight? Oh, I was hoping you'd come to Alice's birthday party. My balloon animal guy cancelled and I could really use your help.
Frasier: I'm sorry, Niles made the reservations a month ago, it's at "Quelque Chose!"
Roz: Fine.
Martin: Listen, if Niles isn't coming, maybe you can tell us what the big surprise is?
Frasier: Oh, all right, I'll spill. For over sixty years, Stefano's has immortalized Seattle's famous faces on its walls, as you can see. With one notable exception.
The rest stare at him, confused.
Frasier: It's me! Stefano's unveiling the portrait today.
Daphne: Oh, how wonderful.
Roz: Hey, that's what I'll do for Alice's party. I'll get a cartoonist to draw the kids.
Frasier: That's an excellent idea, Roz, but let's not forget why we're here, does anybody have a toast?
Stefano comes over with a board under a cloth
Stefano: Okay, Dr. Crane. Here it is.
Frasier: My portrait.
Stefano: No, it's today's specials! [laughs] Of course it's your portrait. Would you like to say a few words, or something...
Frasier: Well, if you insist.
Frasier stands and takes out prepared speech cards from his breast pocket.
Frasier: Before we unveil this picture, permit me to paint one of my own. A picture of a young Frasier Crane, wide eyed, gazing at the walls of Stefano's and wondering, "Who's that?" Well, little did I suspect that one day my picture would be on the wall and perhaps now other children will come in, gaze at it and wonder, "Who's that?"
Martin: I bet that's going to happen a lot!
Frasier: So, thank you, Stefano, for this honor.
Stefano: Thank you, for suggesting it. And now, I present, Il Dotoré, Dr. Frasier Crane!
Stefano pulls back the cloth to reveal a caricature of Frasier. His forehead is exaggerated greatly. Everyone is laughing except a shocked Frasier.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Daphne, Martin and Frasier are riding up in the elevator.
Martin: Fras, will you let it go, it's a perfectly nice picture.
Frasier: Oh, so nothing about it jumped out at you as, oh, I don't know, encephalitic!
Martin: So they gave you a big forehead, who cares? It makes you look smart.
Frasier: It makes me look like I discovered fire!
The elevator stops. They enter the hallway to meet Niles who is waiting with a box.
Niles: Frasier, I was just leaving you a note apologizing for that flimsy excuse. I'm sorry, just the thought of going back to that place got my stomach doing flip-flops.
They enter the apartment
Niles: Oh, by the way, Daphne, the doorman gave me this, it's for you.
Daphne: [looks at it] No, it's for Donny.
Niles: No, it's for Mrs. Donny Douglas.
Daphne: [looks again] Funny, that's the first time I've seen my name like that.
Martin: Well, get used to it, that's you in a couple of weeks.
Niles: So, how was lunch? What was the big surprise?
Martin: Don't ask! The less said, the better.
Daphne: They put his picture on the wall and he thinks his forehead looks a touch too big.
Frasier: A touch?! I look like a fugitive from Easter Island!
Niles: Frasier, you always think you look bad in pictures.
Frasier: Niles, it's not some photo I can throw away, this is a picture of me in a famous restaurant. My God, I dreamed my entire life of being on that wall.
Niles: And now you are. Are you really so vain that that's not honor enough?
Frasier: Vanity has nothing to do with it! It's about misrepresentation! And you know, if I were you, I would be careful about bandying about the word vain, Mr. Two-Hundred-And-Fifty-Dollar-Haircut.
Niles: I have problem follicles.
Martin: Frasier, it's a caricature, they exaggerate stuff. Now, if it were me, they would have drawn maybe a big crane, if it were Niles, they'd draw a barber cutting the hair off a giant sucker!
Daphne: I know you're sensitive about your big forehead, but we all have stuff like that. With me it's my eyes. I've always fancied sparkling blue ones instead of dull old brown.
Niles: Your eyes? Your eyes are not dull!
Daphne: [blushing] Thank you, Dr. Crane, that's very nice.
Niles: They're warm and... full of life.
Daphne: You have beautiful eyes too.
There is a pause while everyone considers what she has said. Then Daphne stands up, forcing the thoughts to the back of her mind in mental conflict.
Daphne: Oh goodness, I can't be lollygagging around here, I have to... to get Dr. Crane his oatbran.
Frasier: Oatbran? Now?
Daphne: You'll need it for the morning. You've got to have something to sop up all that nasty cholesterol gumming up your heart. If not, I'm liable to come home and find you face down on the floor with the dog gnawing off your foot - and I'm not making that up either, that happened. Cheerio.
Daphne exits
Martin: I wished she moved that fast when I'm out of beer!
Niles wonders again what Daphne could have meant... then looks at the box emphasizing "Mrs. Donny Douglas" and puts any thoughts from his mind.
Niles: Well, I should be off too. Are we still on for dinner at "Quelque Chose"?
Frasier: Yes, yes, of course, Niles.
Niles: You might want to call and confirm.
Frasier: Yes, yes, I'll make a mental note.
Niles: Well, be careful you don't lose it inside that giant puppet head of yours. [exits]
Frasier: Niles! Giant puppet head indeed!
Martin: Oh, let it go, Frasier. What are you going to do? Go down there and make him change it? Just accept it for the honor it is, that's all. [Frasier begins dialing the phone] You know, I don't get you, a doctor gives you bad news, you take it in stride, but one bad picture...
Frasier: Yes, thank you, Dad. [to phone] Yes, I'm calling about a reservation tonight. For two, Crane. Well, what can I say? But I just love your food, Stefano. [hangs up, off Martin's glance] I'm in the mood for Italian!
End of Act One Act Two
Scene One - Stefano's. Frasier enters and calls to Niles who is stood off stage.
Frasier: Will you come along, Niles?
Niles: [o.s.] I'd really rather not, I'm feeling queasy just standing here.
Frasier: You can't even see the picture from there! Come on.
Niles: [enters] All right, all right, let's just be quick about this.
The Maitre D' arrives.
Maitre D': Hello, do you have a reservation?
Frasier: Yes, for Crane.
Maitre D': One moment.
Niles: You tricked me!
Frasier: We'll just be here long enough for me to talk to Stefano, convince him to change the picture so it doesn't mock me for the rest of my life.
Niles: Frasier, the man has a violent temper, he's already made me humiliate myself once!
Frasier: Niles, I can't believe you're letting a minor childhood trauma like this plague you. You know, I have an affinity that this may be the route of your fear of authority figures. Listen, a nice relaxing dinner here may go a long way towards helping you to resolve this problem.
Then Stefano enters.
Stefano: [shouts over] Dotoré, Dotoré, how nice to see you again.
Frasier: Hello, Stefano, good to see you.
Stefano: And who's this gentleman? Looks familiar to me.
Frasier: Oh, this is my brother, Niles.
Stefano: Oh, of course, you have the family forehead. Er, come on.
They go over to a table, on the way Stefano corrects a waiter.
Stefano: [shouting] Hey, Antonio, slow down! [he babbles some Italian and forces Antonio back into the kitchen] What's-a matter with you? [to Frasier] Come on, sit down, we've got a nice table for you.
He seats them under the caricature
Stefano: Right under your picture. Okay, tonight - no menus, I'm going to take care of everything - except the bill, of course.
[laughs and exits]
Frasier: Well, there it is, "Frasier Cranium"!
Niles: Well, it does have a certain under-nuanced, over-contoured, Macy's parade kind of quality. But you cannot ask him to change it, the man will explode.
Frasier: Not if I do it with the utmost tact.
Stefano arrives.
Stefano: Okay, here we are; antipasto.
Frasier: Oh, well, that's wonderful Stefano. You know, you certainly do have a way of making people feel comfortable. You know, I suspect that it would actually physically pain you to think that someone wasn't totally pleased.
Stefano: What's wrong?
Frasier: [Niles shakes his head] Well, actually, there is a tiny tiny problem. Really it's about my picture, you see. There is a small faction that thinks the forehead is too large.
Stefano: [points to Niles] What, this one?
Niles: No, I love it... [holds back sick]
Frasier: As do I. It's just that, well, I feel I may be more recognizable if the forehead were a tad smaller.
Stefano: So, you don't like it?
Frasier: It's not that.
Stefano: It's not good enough for you?
Frasier: Yes, it is.
Stefano: Do you want me to have it changed?
Frasier: Could you?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Stefano's. Frasier and Niles have eaten their way through many dishes.
Niles: How long is this going to take?
Frasier: Now, Niles, I was fortunate enough that the artist is actually here tonight. I'm certainly not going to rush him. Now, you know, you better finish your lasagna, you don't want to offend Stefano.
Niles: Offend him? So far tonight I have had the Prosciutto Di Palma, the Pasta Genovese and the Venetian Sea Bass. One more bite will conclude our little tour of Italy with my impression of Pompeii!
Kenny comes over
Kenny: Hey, hey, look who it is. [laughs] They'll let anyone in this joint!
Frasier: Hello, Kenny.
Kenny: So, what are you celebrating? Not your ratings, huh! I'm kidding, you've gotta kid! If you don't laugh, you cry, right? So, did I hear a rumor that you're going up on the wall of fame?
Frasier: Oh, yes, as a matter of fact they're putting the finishing touches on the picture right now.
Kenny: Isn't that something? [to Niles] Hey, hey, hey, you better save some room. Stefano goes crazy if you pass on his dessert. My mother found out that the hard way on her eightieth birthday. He went off on her. He called her a "scungo bungo" or something, the kids had it memorized for a while. Enjoy.
Kenny exits as Stefano arrives with another portrait.
Stefano: Okay, Dr. Crane. Hot off the easle, is this one more to your liking?
Frasier: Oh, my.
Stefano: Is it better?
Frasier: Well, it's like looking in a mirror.
Frasier holds the portrait up to Niles. The picture makes Frasier look more macho, with more defined features and more muscles
Stefano: You know, this is the first time that anybody has ever asked for a change! [puts it on the wall] Oh, beautiful, you make me so happy! I'll go and see how the steaks are coming.
Frasier: Thank you.
Stefano leaves
Niles: Frasier, I hate to burst your bubble, but that picture looks absolutely nothing like you.
Frasier: Well, well, I was wondering when Mr. Envy would pull up a chair. [Kenny passes] Oh, Kenny. Kenny, if I may, can I direct your attention to this caricature?
Kenny: Wow, look at that, I am impressed.
Frasier: I thought you might be.
Kenny: James Garner eats here!
Frasier: James Garner?!
Kenny: Well, I guess I can go and sit down now, my father-in-law just picked up the check.
Kenny leaves
Frasier: I don't believe this! I've waited my entire life to have my picture on this wall. Now that it is, it's unrecognizable. Well, not for long.
Niles: No, Frasier, you are not going to ask him to change it again...
Frasier: Niles...
Niles: If this means so much to you, my girlfriend's a plastic surgeon, she can have you looking like this picture in six procedures or less!
Stefano enters.
Stefano: [with more food] All right, here we are boys, here we are. Monjo Pere!
The boys look at it in terror, Stefano sits with them.
Stefano: You know, there's something that's been bugging me all night. Hey, shove over, will you? [they do, to Niles] I know you from some place and I can't figure out where, this is driving me potso! So, we're gonna figure this out together, okay? You and me.
Frasier: You know, while the two of you are strolling down memory lane, I have a quick errand I have to run, I tell you what, save some dessert for me!
Niles: Frasier...
However, Frasier runs out the front door.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Roz's Apartment. The apartment is bustling with kids and parents, there are balloons and banners all celebrating Alice's birthday. Frasier enters and sees Roz with Alice.
Frasier: Roz.
Roz: Frasier, I knew you'd show up.
Frasier: Well...
Roz: You knew how much it would mean to me and Alice.
Frasier: Oh gosh, am I that transparent?
Roz: Come on in, everyone, this is Frasier. [they all wave]
Frasier: Hello, hi.
Roz: Can I get you something? Jello, Lunchables, a Pokémon punch?
Frasier: Do you have any coffee made?
Roz: No.
Frasier: That's perfect. [off her look] Well, while you're making coffee it'll give me some quality time with Alice. [takes her]
Frasier walks to the cartoonist and pushes in to the queue. The girl in the queue is angry.
Girl: Hey, no cuts.
Frasier: I need a picture right away.
Girl: I'll tell.
Frasier: You know who this is? This is the birthday girl. If she wants a picture right away, she's going to get a picture right away, now why don't you just run along?
She does eventually. Meanwhile, Frasier takes the caricature of the cartoonist and takes the girl in the seat away.
Frasier: All right, I think you're finished, there you are.
Girl: But I don't have any eyes.
Frasier: Yes, well, neither did Little Orphan Annie, and she's got her own Broadway show, now go on, shoo! [sits] Okay, fine, I'm looking for something manly, go easy on the forehead, leave the kid out.
The cartoonist starts drawing as Alice looks into the crowd.
[SCENE_BREAK]
FACE ON/OFF/ON...
Scene Four - Stefano's. Niles is sat finishing his desert as Frasier enters
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Where the hell have you been? Stefano's been trying to place me for the last forty minutes. Was I ever in Panama? Did I sell him his first Lincoln? Do I have a box at the dog track?!
Frasier: Why didn't you just say yes and let that be the end of it?
Niles: That's a good idea. [notices pictures in Frasier's hands] What's that?
Frasier: I went by Alice's birthday party, I had the artist there draw me some new sketches. There, what do you think?
Niles: I think you're insane!
Frasier: Niles, it's not so crazy, just imagine. Suppose that picture there should accidentally drop to the floor and tear. You see, I can come back here tomorrow, tell Stefano that I didn't want to put his artist to any more trouble and I had a new caricature done myself. You see, I'm actually quite partial to this one here, but there is one in here of me playing soccer which is very good...
Niles: Frasier, we'll put these away, we'll pay the bill and we'll find a bed to strap you into.
Frasier: No, no, it can work, it really can, it'll work...
Stefano's mother then comes up behind him and notices the pictures.
Mama: What is this? The pictures?
Frasier: It's nothing, it's no business of yours, off you go.
Mama: Stefano! Stefano!
Stefano: [enters] Mama, what is it? Cara Mia, what?
Mama: [points to pictures] Guada, guada!
Stefano: Dr. Crane, what is this?
Frasier: Oh, all right, I may as well just tell you the truth. The fact is, I don't really care for this picture either. It's just that I'm afraid your artist has lost his touch. To be honest I think he's robbing you blind. I mean, my God, how much is this hack charging you?
Mama bursts out crying
Frasier: Mama's the hack, isn't she?
Stefano goes ballistic and throws Frasier out of the restaurant. Niles, shaking uncontrollably, tries to exit but Stefano has a word with him.
Stefano: Hold on one second! Now I remember you!
Niles: Oh...
Stefano: Bridgeport, Connecticut.
Niles: [thinks and then acts] Yes, yes.
Stefano: My car got stuck in the rain and you saved my ass.
Niles: Yes, well it was nothing. I'm glad you remember.
Stefano: Let me show you how we thank you where I come from.
Stefano kisses him on both cheeks and then takes him in a big hug, we can see the vomit welling up inside him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Five - Frasier's Apartment. Frasier is sat talking to Martin.
Frasier: Well, suffice it to say, the entire Crane family is now banned from Stefano's.
Martin: Just because of that dumb picture?
Frasier: No, no, actually, there was a little incident involving Niles, too. He was doing just fine until Stefano took him in some sort of a bear hug and shook him a little too vigorously.
Martin: On the shoes again?
Frasier: No, this time there was a conveniently-placed lobster tank.
Martin: Poor Niles.
Frasier: Yeah, it wasn't any picnic for the lobsters either.
Martin laughs.
Frasier: What the hell is wrong with me, Dad? You know, I got so obsessed with that damn picture I completely lost my head!
Martin: Well, I think I know what's really going on here.
Frasier: Really? Well, enlighten us.
Martin: Well, I think there's some stuff in your life that you can't
control: the doctor tells you you're getting old, your ratings are low, you're not happy with your love life. And so I think you obsessed about this picture because you figured it was something in your life that you could control.
Frasier thinks about it deeply whilst Martin looks extremely proud.
Frasier: Well, Dad, you do raise a point. Martin looks at him expectantly.
Frasier: Oh, what the hell, you're dead on. Where did you learn so much about psychology?
Martin: Oh, I listen to radio.
Frasier: Gosh, it's so obvious, isn't it? You know, when a person is confronted with some deeply troubling issue that they're not ready to face yet, they usually avoid the problem by obsessing about something else, something completely trivial.
Then Daphne enters with the oat bran.
Daphne: Got it!
Martin: Got what?
Daphne: Dr. Crane's oat bran!
Martin: Boy, you left for that eight hours ago.
Daphne: Well, it wasn't easy. They were out of it at the regular market, so I went to another one but then they were out of it. So, I looked into it and it turns out they don't sell it in Washington anymore. Well, for some reason I just couldn't let it go, so I went for a little drive. [to Martin] You know, it wouldn't kill you to do something like that once in a while, get off that big round duff of yours. [then] Anyway, a hop, skip and a jump later, here it is, fresh from Portland. Good night.
Daphne exits to her room.
Frasier: What the hell was that?
Martin: I don't know, what did she mean about that big round duff comment?!
Frasier: Now, Dad.
Martin: You know, the sands of time don't exactly flow up the hourglass! It's not easy for a guy our age.
Frasier: Dad, for the last time, we are not the same age.
Martin: I've seen your hips start to spread a little bit...
Martin and Frasier carry on arguing. End of Act Two
[SCENE_BREAK]
Frasier and Daphne are eating breakfast the next morning. Frasier has his oat bran whilst Daphne has a fry-up. Eddie is begging Daphne for some food so Frasier tells her to give him a bit. As she does, he steals a bit from her plate. He does this twice without her noticing. When she comes up the second time, he signs to her how delicious the oat bran is. | Plan: A: a patient's crisis; Q: What is Niles's excuse for not going to dinner? A: an embarrassing experience; Q: What is the real reason Niles refuses to go to Stefano's Italian restaurant? A: the announcement; Q: What is Frasier going to make without Niles? A: their Seattle Wall of Fame; Q: Where is the sketch of Frasier's face going to be displayed? A: the unveiling; Q: What is happening that evening? A: his forehead; Q: What part of Frasier's face does the artist exaggerate in the caricature? A: the following evening; Q: When does Frasier return to Stefano's Italian restaurant with Niles? A: His criticism; Q: What goes down badly when it emerges that the artist is Stefano's mother? Summary: Frasier has an announcement to make, for which he is taking Martin, Daphne and Niles out to dinner at Stefano's Italian restaurant. Niles refuses to go, making up an excuse about a patient's crisis; the truth is, he had an embarrassing experience at this restaurant as a child, and is still traumatized by it. Frasier has to make the announcement without him: the restaurant is putting a sketch of his face on their Seattle Wall of Fame, and the unveiling is that very evening. He is very proud, until he sees the caricature ; the artist has extravagantly exaggerated his forehead. Frasier insists on returning the following evening with Niles, to have a tactful word with Stefano about changing it. His criticism goes down badly as it emerges that the artist is Stefano's mother. |
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