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3,900 | It was my first time experiencing this type of sickness. It was very bad because I experienced all the symptoms: vomiting, diarrhea, loss of appetite, headache, weakness, no sleeping. I had never experienced all of these things together and it was very painful. | {
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3,901 | Bane also punched through a wall with his bare hands. I think he could take it.\n\nPlus everyone knows the batcave is made out of graham crackers. | {
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3,902 | So end by shitting all over the sofa? | {
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3,903 | That's kinda a win for the light bulb company. It's a form of quality control in a real world environment. That kinda data can be important for the people making them. | {
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3,904 | "I'm not high I'm just old" | {
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3,905 | In order: Stewart, Colbert, Maher, Fallon, Smiley, Maddow, Leno, O'Brien. Of those, Colbert is by far the hardest interview. Stewart is a distant second. And everyone else is a distant third. | {
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3,906 | I'll break it down for you.\n\n - You'll think it's funny.\n\n - She won't.\n\n - In about 4 years something to do with anal will come up in a conversation for no reason.\n - She'll say "why don't you ask your coworker?"\n - You'll be confused because you won't remember.\n - She'll be in a mood for about a week.\n - About 4-5 nights in the couch.\n\n\nThe end.\n\n | {
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3,907 | They probably are, but they also want to have sex with you. You would still be friends, but you would also have sex. | {
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3,908 | Some men just want to watch the world churn. | {
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3,909 | walking down a street in new york with my kids and it's warm but not hot outside and we already did a lot of stuff and we're just going home now and talking and looking at people and feeling the air and the sun is going down and it's peaceful yet buzzing with life and stories all around us. \n | {
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3,910 | Defecate on her coffee table, look her in the eyes and say 'abort that!'\n\nDon't ask why. Just do it\n\nEdit: the plus side there is that she wish she had followed through and you just did. | {
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3,911 | That hit way too close to home. | {
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3,912 | Here he is doing it a third time against the broncos. \n\n[ http://i.imgur.com/N16gGaC.gif]( http://i.imgur.com/N16gGaC.png) | {
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3,913 | HA! I found all the people miss pronouncing Wi-Fi. | {
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3,914 | The snyaptic vortex running through the cranium creates a pocket where the frontal lobe meets the I have no idea what im talking about. | {
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3,915 | > They are arachnid, but are far closer to scorpions\n\noh, that makes me feel much better. thx | {
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3,916 | As a pansexual blacksmith I can confirm every part of this. | {
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3,917 | Probably just goes to a local union pipe fitter. | {
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3,918 | Yeah, I was pretty impressed with myself after that one. | {
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3,919 | "Pizza...pizza is your greatest strength?"\n\n"Yes. I rub it on my naked body and it fuels my muscles and allows me the strength I need to move mountains. Allow me to demonstrate with my interview pizza I brought with me." | {
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3,920 | And they know exactly what they're doing. | {
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3,921 | "I'm ugly and antisocial. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a Christmas to ruin." | {
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3,922 | Achievement Unlocked: Fertile. 10g\n\nAchievement Unlocked: Destroyer of Worlds. 20g | {
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3,923 | In your case, tag 'em and bag 'em. | {
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3,924 | God forgives Target don't | {
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3,925 | They also asked whether everything floods when the snow melts in the spring... which is a totally legit question if you're assuming that a foot of snow = a foot of water.\n\nEdit: yes, yes, thank you everyone, I do indeed know that things flood in spring when snow melts. But a volume of snow does not melt into an equal volume of water as this fellow assumed. | {
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3,926 | http://i.imgur.com/AuFGM.gif | {
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3,927 | This made me throb......I know this move well. ....turns my vagina into fucking Niagara Falls | {
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3,928 | YOU SHOULD PROBABLY TALK TO SOMEONE AT MARVEL RIGHT NOW | {
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3,929 | Well, that fixed my [permanent erection problem](http://i.imgur.com/DVYYjeN.jpg) (NSFW) | {
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3,930 | Last time my sister went to visit my grandparents she noted that my grandad bought a huge bag of dogfood. My grandparents do not have a dog. My grandad explained that dogfood was good emergency rations to have for when Obama let ISIS bomb us all.\n\nMy grandmother apparently has one helluva poker face. | {
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3,931 | But it's scary looking. | {
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3,932 | ketchup for a birthday, no matter what colour, is tragic | {
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3,933 | I DIED at that part. One of my friends thought it'd be hilarious if she turned into a floppy disk or some other outdated tech and Morgan ended it like "wtf are we supposed to do with this" while the lab rats are freaking out because they don't have a computer that'll read floppies anymore. | {
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3,934 | ~ Michael Jackson, *The People of the State of California v. Michael Joseph Jackson*, 2005. | {
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3,935 | Even better, you could mess with her. Start writing fake journal entries that say stuff like "Dear Journal, today I killed a cat. I just watched it die." or "I think I might be gay, I started feeling squirrely at work today and put my keyboard up my ass and it felt great!"\n\nThen crumple/fold it up and leave it in your pants. She won't know whether to be more confused about the journal entries, or about the fact that you fold them up and put them in your pants. | {
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3,936 | Fucking British classrooms. | {
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3,937 | Not with that attitude | {
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3,938 | Aw man, I forgot about Dre.\n\nEDIT - RIP my inbox. | {
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3,939 | > Sometimes your prospective employer just needs some plausible deniability.\n\nInteresting point.\n\nThe employer may not care but they may know their insurance company might. | {
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3,940 | I hate to be the one to spoil a good joke by pointing out that polar bears live at the north pole, not the south but the pedant who comes along after me will be *way* more smug about it so I must act now. For what it's worth, solid joke. | {
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3,941 | Goodness, that guy must be so insecure. What an overreaction. | {
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3,942 | Did I watch the commercial? Yes.\n\nAm I ever going to watch a NASCAR race because of it? No. | {
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3,943 | When people from Detroit tell you not to go there, it's serious. | {
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3,944 | Unfortunately the only route is uphill, both ways\n\nEdit: WOW, Gold! Much obliged, you benevolent hero. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to /r/lounge to celebrate, peasants. | {
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3,945 | *Shit, still behind by 10 points* "And 10 points to Neville for being a dick to his friends" | {
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3,946 | It was actually a she, and it was a knitted beanie.\nShe just kind of laughed it off, like it was a normal thing. She said "Oh, I thought it was left behind, and I was going to keep it"\nAnd now I'm washing the hat. | {
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3,947 | I met Seth Rogan in New Orleans and he recognized me, that was cool. | {
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3,948 | More like House Of Cards actually | {
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3,949 | If they remove /r/atheism from the front page, how else will I realize I'm not logged in? | {
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3,950 | It would be the day I started smoking, and I would have not started to smoke. I paid a heavy price for my tobacco enjoyment. | {
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3,951 | **TEN THINGS JESUS DOES DOES WITH WATER. #9 WILL BLOW YOUR MIND** | {
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3,952 | Jokes on you guys, I sit by myself for free everyday.. \nOh. | {
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3,953 | Or a fully functional city that's just incapable of communication with the surface. | {
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3,954 | I'm going to pretend this happened despite an overwhelming possibility to the contrary. | {
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3,955 | Good call, since beastiality won't be illegal for 24 hours. | {
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3,956 | AMA request: redditor who visited amypage | {
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3,957 | I think it was the copper breastplate, and walking around in thunderstorms yelling all gods are bastards that did it. | {
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3,958 | Playing a long game. | {
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3,959 | Most folks would find it difficult to put words down in a way that would still sound natural. | {
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3,960 | exactly, they fit up your butt much easier that way | {
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3,961 | Everyday I accidentally find out another horrible way to die on reddit. Bravo. | {
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3,962 | "Harden" only raises defense by one level, "greatly rose" is for 2+ levels.\n\n (⌐□_□) Get on my Pokélevel.\n\nEdit: before you say it should be "sharply": It's "greatly" in [Gen I](http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Stats#Stage_modification_quotes). | {
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3,963 | Sort of relevant but not really: I was going through a tollbooth once, and the lady had two-inch long bright red talons. She couldn't get her fingers close enough to the money to pick it up, so she had to slide it across the little desk/shelf thing into her other hand. Seeing her try to pick up the money in my mind still makes me giggle. | {
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3,964 | I used to go on 9gag a lot, then I realized that it wasn't that great or interesting. Then my friend showed me reddit not too long ago, and it's pretty fricken awesome. | {
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3,965 | I guess your friend bacons at midnight as well. | {
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3,966 | I'd eat out his mother for $1million. | {
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3,967 | Now back to me.\nI'm on a horse. | {
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3,968 | Well then, I guess that's another irrational fear to add to the list. | {
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3,969 | "My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine." - attributed to Bankhead | {
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3,970 | I once misunderstood what Americans mean by 'fancy dress'. If you put 'fancy dress' on an invite to a party in London, you would expect people to come dressed as superheroes and the like. Not blacktie. So, when I showed up dressed up as a ghostbuster to what was in fact a rather formal affair, I looked a tad silly. | {
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3,971 | http://i.imgur.com/EePYx.jpg | {
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3,972 | start world war III. profit. | {
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3,973 | I like that the girlfriend's there, like "Yeah that's mine" | {
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3,974 | Did you shoot your dinner?\nNo?\nSo you bought it at McDonald's? | {
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3,975 | I can help you with that. You okay with dudes right? | {
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3,976 | Sometimes Mommies and Daddies use different holes so you don't wind up with a new little brother or sister. | {
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3,977 | > After reading the other comments in the thread, I added one of my own explaining my reasoning.\n\nThat was nice of you. :) | {
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3,978 | 30 seconds isn't enough time to answer anything.... | {
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3,979 | Full tank on my truck for $30. First time since I bought it. | {
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3,980 | Why shock her when you can Spock her? | {
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3,981 | Mission Control has confirmed OP has landed. Operation Don't Fuck Up is a go, over. \n\n-Edit Mission Control has been funded, We can do more Missions now guys thanks. | {
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3,982 | Super nifty. Also, living proof that asymmetrical vaginas are awesome, small boobs rock, and super awkward chicks that read *can* get laid on a regular basis. | {
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3,983 | This. Canada geese are fucking assholes\n | {
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3,984 | This shit right here.... | {
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3,985 | Ok, think this will work, sorry about using a pizza box. http://imgur.com/RobQG | {
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3,986 | I am afraid that the following will occur:\n\n[This...](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p6ymr/) and [this.](http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3p6yko/) | {
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3,987 | Teddy is no longer with us, so a moment of silence for #26. You had a hell of a run, Theodore.\nThen, I handily defeat Clint, since he is an old - oh, wait, he pulls out a gun and shoots me, drooling something about Commies and pinko faggots and his cold, dead fingers, before falling out of his chair and soiling himself. Thanks a lot, lazythinker. | {
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3,988 | Fuckin A.\n\nI only use 100 grit sandpaper, screaming at the top of my lungs while watching animal planet. | {
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3,989 | That's good cause arguing gives you brain arthritis | {
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3,990 | ಠ\_ಠ\n\nedit: I find this comment thread is better if read backwards from here | {
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3,991 | It's his last name and he registered it first. How could there even been an argument let alone a lawsuit. | {
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3,992 | Not an IT guy and I could pull off that kind of phrasing, it gets difficult if it's a 30 page forum and I don't know where to begin looking or am just lazy | {
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3,993 | I want to have sex with Josh. | {
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3,994 | I came into this thread looking for new ideas...... :( | {
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3,995 | Totally out of character. | {
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3,996 | U should be proud for being able to run that damn game. | {
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3,997 | He made a new subreddit for every response | {
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3,998 | "But babe if I'm this devoted to pranking you think of how devoted I am to YOU!" *gets yelled at anyways* | {
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3,999 | "Honey mind if I stop a little bit for a pee break?"\n\n"No problem!"\n\n*RUNS TO THE OTHER ROOM, GOOGLES VAGINA* | {
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