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3,700 | My little sister sat beside, \nHer mouth an 'O' of fear - \nI swallowed hard with shaking pride, \nResolved to disregard the guide, \nAnd boldly go where once denied, \nWith conscience clean and clear.\n\n*'They'll know,' she whispered, white with fright,* \n*And troubled, fretful, frown -* \n*I heard the words with dark delight -* \n*'They'll know!' she cried; 'it isn't right!'* \n*I didn't care. I clicked the site.*\n\n 'High traffic. Page is down.'\n | {
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3,701 | Yea the huff post usually isn't the best source of information. | {
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3,702 | First I would go the pharmacy and get Adderall to keep me awake. Then I would get a motorized cart and use that to go back to the pharmacy to get more Adderall for...my friend. | {
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3,703 | http://i.imgur.com/TLZtk.jpg | {
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3,704 | Same. I'll penetrate them with my 1 inch punisher. | {
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3,705 | I got beaten - had broken ribs, cracked skull from being hit on the head, glass smashed on my leg. Was kept in chains for 2 years, handcuffed & blindfolded for a year. Mock executions - all good stuff | {
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3,706 | This made me surprisingly sad. It's like an excerpt from a Palahniuk story. | {
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3,707 | As an American currently dressed as an Asian cowboy, I can confirm.\n\nNii HAOWDY! | {
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3,708 | Am I the only one here who wants to comment on how big of an outstanding individual the pizza guy was in this situation? | {
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3,709 | I racially identify as an attack helicopter. \n \nEDIT: I trade dank memes for gold. | {
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3,710 | Stop telling guys that you feel bad due to your period.\n\nExplain that you're cranky because the inside layer of one of your major organs is tearing itself off and coming out your vagina in bloody chunks. | {
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3,711 | Thats wasnt a party, it was a Gathering. | {
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3,712 | Or we could get 5 people WITH STDs.\nPut them in a room together.\n4 of them are instantly cured. | {
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3,713 | honest answer: i dont really feel connected to any kind of community. i dont mean any disrespect, but i dont think i've ever really felt a part of any group.... i always, and sometimes still do, loathe that i've never really had any connection in my passions with others... but, perhaps maybe that was the disconnect i needed to do the things i do? | {
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3,714 | http://soundcloud.com/tenaciousd/happy-birthday-from-nacho | {
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3,715 | The no real connection with other white people is interesting. I remember living in Japan, it was like any time I met another white person we instantly had something in common. Same goes with Westerners in general I guess, it was always "You're not from Japan? I'm not either! Let's grab a drink somewhere." | {
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3,716 | "I dare you to suck my dick." | {
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3,717 | The male voice that kept popping in was getting real existential. \n\n"Our highbeams selectively exclude other dirvers"\n\n"HOW FAR IS FAR? WHAT IS TRUTH? IS THERE A GOD?"\n\nedit: I remembered what it reminded me of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybZ9PVcf6X8\n\nedit 2: Thank you for the gold. I guess there is a Gad after all. | {
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3,718 | Upvote this post if you are sexually incompetent. | {
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3,719 | "Didn't scan, huh? Guess it's free!"\n\nETA: Amusingly, if you make a comment like this, you tend to get a million and one identical or extremely similar joke replies. There's some pretty heavy humor in there, but it's not what was intended. | {
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3,720 | Because he's pint-sized?\n\nEdit: First gold comment! Made my morning. | {
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3,721 | It's actually a Phony Tail, an innovative new white girl defense system. \n\nModeled after reptilian regenerative properties, the Phony Tail serves as a lure for predators to grab on to. When enough force is applied, and an attempted pull is detected the Phony Tail goes to work. A quick detach mechanism activates and the Phony Tail snaps off with ease, allowing the would-be prey to quickly slip away and escape. | {
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3,722 | They look like... They really look like they have pretty hairs on their head. And they look pretty. | {
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3,723 | you don't have much experience with european gypsies, do you? \n\nTouch one, and they spawn cousins all around you like an RPG boss. | {
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3,724 | Honestly we're probably not that much more secretive, it's just not as difficult to clean up for girls and it's easier to just pull your hand out of your pants instead of shoving a hard dick in there when someone knocks on the door. | {
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3,725 | Where the hell did you get that from. I want more. | {
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3,726 | I worked with a guy who sounds like your son.\n\nTook him forever to become an electrician. Incredibly frustrating to work with on any complicated task.\n\nHe has an amazingly hot girlfriend, more friends call him in a day than call me in a month, and while he is basically skating by on looks, charm, and easy-going attitude, he's doing a damn good job of it. | {
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3,727 | Fucking Lannisters... | {
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3,728 | Good guy killz 50 hired goons. Suddenly gets all moralistic when faceing head bad guy. No i will not kill him as i am better than that. You just murdered 50 guys who where probably just hired ex army lads. They might not even have know who they where working for.\n\n | {
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3,729 | Didn't scan, huh? Guess I get to fuck your mother. | {
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3,730 | Post this at /r/WilliamShatner. He's a regular poster there and he might find this funny. | {
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3,731 | If by "action", you mean "the puss", I'd say that is not for public consumption, either literally or figuratively. The rumors that my moustache has a burgeoning career in Japanese porn are almost entirely unfounded. As far as I know. | {
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3,732 | Seriously my boner for glass ceilings and degradation porn is getting out of control | {
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3,733 | much more context but summed up\n\nwas dating this chick, she had a kid (14months) \n\nbaby came back from his dads scared bruised cut bleeding\n\ntold her if it happened again i would report. it did. \n\ni reported. she was investigated. \n\n~~it was never my place to care~~ | {
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3,734 | Yes, we call that "freedom of speech". | {
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3,735 | The cake...was a lie? | {
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3,736 | Or you know, just fuck the haters. | {
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3,737 | MMM MMMMM MHhhMMM MM Hmmm Fmmmm | {
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3,738 | Also a lot less teen moms | {
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3,739 | I... I thought we had something special | {
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3,740 | you... you just said that to bill nye bro | {
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3,741 | Who says I'm going to let my memedom die? I plan on being the College Freshman until .... I die. | {
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3,742 | Hah, I used to fantasize about this scenario when I was younger but now that I "have it made" I don't want to lose what I have. This would be the equivalent of having my son die and having no one to talk about it with. No one would believe me and think I'm crazy. | {
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3,743 | ahhh yes! the letters and emails! I once received a birthday card stating: "even if we don't like your choices, we still love you."\n | {
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3,744 | That link is staying blue. | {
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3,745 | We did that in middle school all the time. On our Razrs. Thought we were incredibly cool. \n\nEDIT: Yes, pedants, I do mean *67. | {
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3,746 | I especially like their new band member. | {
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3,747 | it is done thankfully.... my only thing is, i hope it doesnt subtract too much from the orioginal.... i had to make it in such a way that the track could be at least "reproduced" in a live-ish fashion... since its for a "live PA" type show... so... of course theres the odd track mixed in that gives it a little help, but im happy with it!\n | {
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3,748 | "First, shalt thou take \nout the holy pin. Then shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. \n*Three* shall be the number of the counting, and the number of the \ncounting shall be three. *Four* shalt thou not count, and neither \ncount thou two, excepting that thou then goest on to three. Five is \nRIGHT OUT. Once the number three, being the third number be reached, \nthen lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade towards thy foe, who, being \nnaughty in my sight, shall snuff it. Amen." | {
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3,749 | When driving through Texas, I stopped at a MacDonalds and the sinks in the bathroom were shaped like Texas. That cracked me up.\n\nDallas is a beautiful city though. | {
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3,750 | Hah, I'm kinda surprised I'm the first as well. Thanks for responding, I'm still trying to convince myself it's just a really convincing prosthetic. Have a good night choking giraffes or whatever people with moose dongs do. | {
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3,751 | Were your photos 200lbs ago? | {
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3,752 | I can't tell you how many nights I end up spooning him AND holding his iPad so he can fall asleep to TNG | {
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3,753 | You wouldn't believe so, but quite well actually. | {
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3,754 | Gotta wonder how freaky 4 of them were that he went back for seconds. | {
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3,755 | Are you that guy from every teen movie ever made? | {
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3,756 | My favorite pizza topping - this is a really boring answer for you - all veggie.\n\nYES!\n\nI'm sorry, I genuinely love an all-veggie pizza. I don't love pepperoni, not a fan, and I don't like all-cheese. So for me, veggie or a short-rib pizza that a place near has that I love.\n\nBut yea, sorry guys, that's my favorite.\n\nOH Wait, that's not true! I really like BBQ Chicken, but i know that's sacrilege. And I really like super-thin, burnt-burnt-burnt crust. Like extra crispy. | {
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3,757 | I do the same thing except I put it in her vagina. 100% of the time it leads to sex. | {
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3,758 | *"I HAVE TO POOP"*\n\n...\n\n*"SERIOUSLY, DAD :("*\n\n...\n\n*"NEVER MIND :)"* | {
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3,759 | There's also a horn with finite surface area but infinite volume. It's called a vuvuzela. | {
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3,760 | Congratulations, you are an episode of House. | {
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3,761 | TIL Winnie the Pooh is a filthy corporate privateer exploiting the workforce. | {
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3,762 | I would reply back by going at it like crazy and then stopping immediately at 10:00 pm. | {
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3,763 | I'll give you a true GGG Axel Rose story.\n\n....wait, no I won't. | {
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3,764 | John Kennedy's sister, Rosemary, had intellectual disabilities due to birthing complications. As an adult (23), she had an IQ of about 60-70 (that of a 10 year old child), so she was fairly high-functioning. In modern society she could have functioned fairly well. She just became rebellious and prone to violence after puberty because she was aware of her disabilities, yet couldn't find a better way to express her frustration.\n\nSo what does her family do? LOBOTOMY. | {
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3,765 | Just checked WebMd, you probably have knee cancer. | {
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3,766 | I didn't know humans were so mean. :( | {
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3,767 | Honestly though, a guy ditching you because you're confident? I'd say you dodged a serious bullet there. | {
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3,768 | The housing is really, really cheap. | {
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3,769 | I don't know man, I've heard they're vicious and horrible with kids.\n\nI've done a bit of research and 0/10 would not recommend a jaguar. | {
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3,770 | I just got a PM from a young lady asking to go on a date.... I found that to be very blunt and ballsy | {
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3,771 | You're thinking of /u/Warfries.\n \n \n \n edit: Thanks for the Wargold. Victory shall be mine. | {
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3,772 | To an 8 year old who had just finished the book, the movie actually made me cry with how shit it was. | {
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3,773 | You know what, we need to get it taken down. Could someone send me the link? You know, so I know which one to not go on. | {
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3,774 | It took me a minute to figure out that you meant "pet" where the word "pretty" is. Seemed super creepy for a minute.\n\nEdit: holy shit, this is, by far, my most upvoted comment of all time. Thanks, folks. | {
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3,775 | They don't have to prove it was. \n\n[Asset Forfiture](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asset_forfeiture) | {
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3,776 | I can't tie my shoes but I can fuck your bitch. \n\n*Thug Life* | {
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3,777 | Pens, pencils and brushes have always been more powerful than guns and swords. | {
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3,778 | Well that Elevated quickly. | {
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3,779 | Sure they do. We were taught that enmity with the world was the goal. They would be profoundly disturbed if the world embraced their message. | {
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3,780 | With more fat on your body, you lose the definition that makes you distinct and unique. There are many different kinds of triangles, but a circle has only one shape. | {
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3,781 | Did he respond with, "DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR SISTER THAT WAY!" | {
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3,782 | Achievement unlocked: Oblivious\n\nMisunderstand every potential sexual encounter as platonic. | {
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3,783 | Siamese twin here. May be difficult to pull off. | {
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3,784 | Ya same I feel burnt out. Before I used to play jax normals all day and grief famous people and old rioters. Now all I do is play with these na lcs people really weird honestly... it's like I'm playing professional league or something.. | {
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3,785 | I always say this. Just go in to the break room at any job and see what a disgusting mess it is. Now imagine a whole city where there more people and it's easier to get away with being a slob. Now look down you street and see that there isn't just a landfill covering the sidewalks. \n\n | {
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3,786 | Obviously a fake but relevant, thanks. Here's the real deal:\n[http://i.imgur.com/Xdoqd.png](http://i.imgur.com/Xdoqd.png)\n\nEdit: Higher Res image | {
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3,787 | Misleading statistic alert! Cost of living highly variable!\n\n | {
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3,788 | Thanks for not ignoring it because it wasn't an imgur link. | {
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3,789 | Fuck, I can't even imagine how much shit a police officer could get in for doing that today. | {
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3,790 | Right now, I kinda really want to go to Cuba. Before it gets Westernized. I would want to go to Cuba very quickly. | {
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3,791 | That happened to a girl I knew. My buddies sister that was in college at the time helped her in the bathroom put her in the shower and gave her clothes. The rest of us acted like it never happened. Except we put a post-it note in her purse that said,\n\n "everyone knows you shit your pants."\n\n | {
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3,792 | Trying his Kanye Best. | {
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3,793 | Fuck off kid. I'm here to pick up chicks.\n\nEdit: Christ, my biggest posting is on a throw away account. I'm actually not 60 yet, just closing in on it. | {
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3,794 | All of this is irrelevant. One of the very many millions of dirty secrets in the restaurant industry is this:\n\nAmerican Black people tip shit. \n\nSource: waitress for 10 years at 4 places-- a gastro pub, a bennigans/perkins/IHOP type place, and two high end dining (entrees $40+) in NYC and Chicago.\n\nAlso, I'm black. | {
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3,795 | And partying with your friends drinking whisky at the honky-tonk bar on Friday night after a long week of work. Why no quiet Friday nights watching netflix? | {
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3,796 | "people tell me I'm white and I believe them because I care about gluten"\n\n-Stephen Colbert | {
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3,797 | > they ask the horses to do this\n\n*Excuse me Mr. Horse* | {
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3,798 | Hey, thank you! (I'm the guy in the video, a.k.a. Buzzkill McGee.) Happy to answer any questions about it you might have! (Also started a top-level comment saying the same.)\n\nUPDATE: Just to make a random plug -- if you like my other videos, check out my personal YouTube channel! I've started posting semi-regularly series where I talk to comedians and play videogames with them. https://www.youtube.com/user/TheAdamConover/videos Still very rough, but it's been pretty fun so far! | {
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3,799 | probably the only way to keep the girl from running away\n\n*click\n\nGirl: "What is that?"\n\nGuy: "A landmine, if you take your foot off now you will explode into pieces! Now let me explain the situation...".\n | {
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