id
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|---|---|---|
3,600 | "Dates? Please lady, I have cats to feed." | {
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3,601 | Have you ever eaten a fatal amount of beef? I have not. | {
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3,602 | Muslim here. Pigs exist. Who in the fuck is taking offence?\n\nI'm genuinely asking. Did anyone actually complain or did this publisher just go super PC for no reason? | {
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3,603 | "Weird how Mars looks just like Pyongyang but red-" \n\n\n*gets shot* | {
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3,604 | July 20th's news: "Reddit user kidnapped in NYC, thought to be the work of a violent and dangerous gang which uses Bifid Cipher clues to lure in victims, more at 11..."\n\nI hope OP has Liam Neeson as a father. | {
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3,605 | Spaceballs wins since it is only rated PG. | {
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3,606 | Ah yes, the eternal struggle of getting kids interested in dinosaurs. | {
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3,607 | I once got very drunk with a few friends from my fraternity a year or so ago and tried to purchase a pigmy giraffe, I contacted my concierge from one of my credit cards, long story short I got a call the next day from said concierge telling me that they could not read my handwriting on the adoption paper work I had faxed the the night before in an attempt to adopt a pigmy giraffe. I had no recollection of any of this. | {
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3,608 | *pilot takes bite and subsequently crashes the jet horribly after turning back into a civillian* | {
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3,609 | Free throw pillows!!! | {
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3,610 | They always tell you to watch out for children who show cruelty to animals. Often means they lack empathy and can sometimes end up as psycho killers....\n | {
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3,611 | CNN - Always first, sometimes right. | {
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3,612 | I bet he had a big cock. | {
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3,613 | After reading the title, I was wondering how in the hell somebody could move into an apartment without knowing their son used to live there. | {
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3,614 | I thought that was one of the main features of captchas ... | {
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3,615 | I think this is a truly unique and interesting event in my life. I am an Internet meme. That does not happen to everyone. I can post it over there I suppose. | {
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3,616 | Maybe it's just a note, like a reminder.\n\n♪ ♫ ♬ Don't forget the dry cleaaaaaaning! ♪ ♫ ♬ | {
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3,617 | "DAE remember skittles?" | {
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3,618 | You may have [precordial catch syndrome](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Precordial_catch_syndrome). Pretty sure I do, too. It isn't known to be dangerous.\n\n**Edit:** Delicious gold. Thanks, [/u/obscure_renegade](http://www.reddit.com/user/obscure_renegade)! | {
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3,619 | I think it's the fact that, based on the technology, you never see people smiling and being jovial in that time period. So many old photographs make the world seem like a much more proper and stern place. But photos like this show that people are people no matter when and where. | {
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3,620 | And then all of Halle Berry's clothes were somehow magically removed from her body. She tried to get them back on.... but he'd already seen everything | {
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3,621 | She dad joke'd her dad. | {
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3,622 | > I think this is a man who doesn't accept being wrong very well.\n\nWelcome to academia! | {
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3,623 | >Officers mediated the dispute, **believing that no crime had occurred**, based on the information they had at that time.\n\nLast time I checked, pulling a gun on someone to threaten them is defined as "brandishing", which is definitely a crime. | {
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3,624 | When comedians talk to an audience member and try to make them look dumb when they aren't. Example\nComedian: Where are you from?\nperson: Queens.\nComedian: What do you do there?\nperson: I live there.\ncomedian: I mean what is your JOB you fucking asshole???\nperson: (politely to his seat mate as everyone laughs at him) but I work in manhattan. \n | {
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3,625 | I've friend zoned hotter women than I've banged too. That's not that impressive. | {
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3,626 | >because you can't lie with your body language.\n\nSure you can. Its just another level of bs one needs to master.\n\nSource: I ace interviews | {
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3,627 | Baby got child rearing hips and a healthy store of body fat that can be used to nourish the developing offspring if food is scarce! | {
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3,628 | Is this the most subtle Fresh Prince trolling I've ever witnessed? I am honestly not certain that it isn't. | {
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3,629 | "THREE DOG HERE!, HOW'S EVERYONE DOOOINN'?!" | {
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3,630 | That`s racist on two levels... It`s like, meta-racism | {
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3,631 | I got Charizard in the first pack I ever bought. Traded it for a shitload of cards. A few months later I got another Charizard from another pack I bought. | {
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3,632 | Idk why people tuck their boner up in their waist line I just wrap it twice around my leg.\n\nEdit: My first gold! Thank you! | {
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3,633 | I was 10 minutes early to my last one... They were 15-20 minutes late... Office manager (aka receptionist) almost sent me home to try again... I have been working there for over a year now. | {
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3,634 | Well you just suck at playing three game then\n\n\nEdit: can't spell\n\nEdit 2: apparently my bad autocorrect was funnier | {
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3,635 | Is...is your dog a bear? | {
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3,636 | Dude, he *posts* to /r/gonewild | {
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3,637 | He was getting his bachelor's. | {
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3,638 | Thats a bold strategey | {
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3,639 | "Well, we were going to wait until after the game to announce it but... We are having a relationship..." | {
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3,640 | I'll take "Things Lucky Yates has heard before." for 600. | {
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3,641 | Very relevant username. | {
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3,642 | Lydia from Skyrim would be hell | {
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3,643 | Can't wait for Adam Johnson's | {
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3,644 | No. It's America's fault. | {
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3,645 | I remember being in church when I was 7 or maybe 8, and opening my eyes and looking around when everyone was praying, and thinking, "They all know this is made up, right?" But I love my mom, if that helps! | {
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3,646 | That's it for me guys, see ya later | {
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3,647 | I always think beetles looks wrong because I see it written Beatles so often | {
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3,648 | **Big Papa:** *"Do you see anything Hawkeye?"*\n\n**HAWKEYE**: *"Negative. My eyes see nothing.*"\n\n**Big Papa:** *"That sounds about right. THE BLOWER and ANGEL, walk in there and distract the guards. You have a minute."*\n\n*Big Papa hands THE BLOWER 2.95$*.\n\n**THE BLOWER & ANGEL:** "Roger that."\n\n**Big Papa:** *"And you, Mr. Swagger. You know what to do."*\n\n*Mr. Swagger nods*.\n\n**Mr. Swagger:** *"Swag."*\n | {
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3,649 | Bob Wehadababyitsaboy? | {
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3,650 | Massless particles set up unrealistic expectations for men and women around the globe, and I hate seeing these standards constantly being emphasized and adored by the media. If I want to be size 10 AMU, I think I should be allowed to be, without being judged. | {
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3,651 | Okay, I admit it... this made me laugh. | {
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3,652 | I'm probably not as experienced as her but I would recommend the whole thing. | {
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3,653 | Yes, this is how gingers are conceived. No orgasm, no soul. | {
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3,654 | That's interesting. Einstein has become more of an adjective than a name.\n\nEDIT: It has been written to me that this is more of a common noun. I get it, I'm not perfect, Einstein. | {
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3,655 | I'm all for kids being involved in shooting, but that's a flat out violation of the basic rules... | {
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3,656 | Awkward. Have you tried hentai? Almost no standards. But that also comes with no realism. | {
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3,657 | Cut the shit Brent, we know it's you. | {
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3,658 | "HEY YOU GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN OR IS THAT A SPARE TIRE AROUND YOUR WAIST." | {
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3,659 | The entire world is covered in water... no land... Why is everyone constantly so dirty? Where'd all that dirt come from? | {
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3,660 | "Pants down. Dick Up. That's the way I hit that truck!" | {
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3,661 | That's 3 more than me. | {
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3,662 | And don't forget the loud, audible beeping sounds with overzealous UI animations. Ugh I need to lie down. | {
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3,663 | But she aint messin with no broke niggas. | {
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3,664 | I once came too fast and told the girl 'looks like team rocket is blasting of again.' | {
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3,665 | Great, now my taint is depressed. God damnit. | {
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3,666 | Billy - "What's happening Mrs. Daniels? I'm scared!" \n\nMrs. Daniels - "Americans are dying Billy, lots and lots of bodies are burning to death & America is losing to the terrorists. Now grab your blanket, it's nap time!" | {
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3,667 | Close enough, Rob. Close enough. | {
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3,668 | The only reason I know this exists is because I keep hearing about India wanting it banned. | {
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3,669 | Yep, I realized that after I got dumped last week and now this. | {
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3,670 | Wow, those judges are giant pieces of shit. Except Simon. | {
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3,671 | Sure, when Keanu Reeves is introverted he's kind and shy. When I'm introverted I'm creepy and no one wants to talk to me. Balls. | {
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3,672 | and this is why they teach sex ed in the 4th grade now... | {
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3,673 | That's both hilarious and adorable. | {
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3,674 | Chad here. I try my damnedest to not be an asshole. | {
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3,675 | The leader of the free world drinking driving and shooting something with his big dick out is so American they should have retired the presidency after him and henceforth called everyone else a prime minister. | {
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3,676 | Silverstone! How high are you?!\n | {
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3,677 | If she didn't wish to be called a cheater, she probably should not have cheated. | {
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3,678 | >*Your mom sounds like a very bitch person*\n\nFTFY? | {
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3,679 | His friend is two thousand and late. | {
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3,680 | What if your consciously thinking "oh shit she likes this, wait what exactly was i doing?" annnnd YOU BLEW IT | {
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3,681 | Ummm. Thanks?\n\nEdit: lots of comments on my username. I left an explanation in another comment under this. \n\nTl:dr not a crossdresser. I am just a Korean woman. I used to be an American man. I moved to South Korea to transform myself into a Korean woman.(Username was made before the move without much thought) | {
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3,682 | He...*threw* his cat? Did the SPCA get involved? \n | {
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3,683 | Having a group of people awkwardly sing "happy birthday" while staring at you is also an uncomfortable experience. | {
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3,684 | Or when you had a cassette walkman and the music would slow down because the batteries were dying. | {
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3,685 | ... I *inject people with lethal chemicals as the ultimate executor of capital punishment sentences on behalf of the state*, if you know what I mean... | {
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3,686 | The only line your mom had in her movie debut. | {
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3,687 | Teach her vim op, get that efficiency up. | {
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3,688 | I'm not high just REALLY dumb. | {
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3,689 | Thanks! The alien was made with Mudbox, the scene was composed and rendered with Cinema 4D, and I used Photoshop for post. | {
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3,690 | New life goal: take a shit.\n\n**EDIT:** HOLY SHIT, THAT'S A LOT OF UPVOTES. | {
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3,691 | He makes great pies...If ya know what I mean | {
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3,692 | I've got this crazy new idea to improve shaving razors but I'm waiting for the right time. | {
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3,693 | When you're a professional athlete, isn't every car you drive a sports car? | {
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3,694 | Big ups for being the first reply I read that actually fit the submission. | {
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3,695 | That seems like something he would do | {
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3,696 | "A swimming pool full of diamonds." \n\n'Ok, but would you survive a high dive into it?'\n\n"Yes. Yes I would." \n\n'Ok then. Here you are.' | {
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3,697 | Yes. My brother told me that we used to have another brother but the potty ate him. | {
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3,698 | **S H U T T E R I S L A N D** | {
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3,699 | "Huh, you're right. I think I'm going to give the position to that passed out hobo in front of the building. Thanks for your time." | {
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} |
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