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2,700 | Nonsense. Your cellphone will not only protect you but also incinerate your assailant. | {
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2,701 | And lucky.\n\nBut not slimy. | {
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2,702 | they should've just used jello from jellyfish... idiots | {
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2,703 | The idea of finding some gigantic prehistoric sea creature that uses practically no energy and just floats around like a foreboding aqua-blimp, filter feeding in the pitch dark does't seem so far-fetched to me. \n\nedit: Because i awkwardly started my comment with "Honestly," too. | {
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2,704 | So wait, I could ask for a tank? Thats what im hearing. I like it. Drive a tank, blow criminals up with said tank. And hey no messy clean up and its done right. Also, tank. | {
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2,705 | I'm also from the UK - where Indians are Asian, Pakistanis are Asian, Bangladeshis are Asian and Koreans are Chinese. | {
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2,706 | That is beautiful. Something about revenge from beyond the grave... or at least on the way to it. | {
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2,707 | A FAMILY THAT FUCKS TOGETHER STUCKS TOGETHER | {
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2,708 | You guys seem trustworthy. I'll check it out and report back. | {
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2,709 | I think it was the episode where he got told hes got more square footage than manhattan | {
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2,710 | E.g. Coke and the tobacco industry | {
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2,711 | I honestly can't imagine a 59 year old professional not sending e-mails. My father is 55 and he's constantly sending e-mails, using his smartphone, etc. So are all the people I know in their 50s. Any professional that age not using e-mail is incredible, but one at that level...it's ridiculous. My grandmother sends e-mails and uses skype and facetime and she's in her fucking 80s. What the hell is wrong with senator Graham? | {
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2,712 | Depends what sort of bars you go to! | {
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2,713 | Why do mirrors look like eyes really close up? | {
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2,714 | >brass section\n\n>nudity\n\nChecks out. | {
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2,715 | I don't think any of the guys in the band were Asian. | {
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2,716 | Him: Pbbttt\n\nHer: Pbttsbtstsbbb\n\nHim: pbtsbrbrttsbs\n\nHer: pbtst?\n\nHim: PBSTSBSBTS!\n\nHer: BTPSPSTSNPPPP!!!\n\nHim: PBSTSSTSTS!!!\n\nHer: *Cries*\n\nEDIT: First Gold I'd like to thank freddosmsc ^^^You ^^^DA ^^^^REAL ^^^MVP! | {
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2,717 | It's like you're seeing something from the middle-ages happen before your 21st century eyes.\n\nThis is going to sound a bit fucked up, but I am kind of glad they stick to their insanity. I don't want them to ever get the least bit of sympathy or legitimacy from anywhere except their fucked up followers. | {
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2,718 | When hair grows, it has a pointed tip. When you shave it off, that pointed tip then becomes a blunt tip. So when it grows in, all those fine, barely noticeable tips are now the thick blunted edge, giving the appearance of thicker hairs. Are they more noticeable? Yes, slightly. Has the diameter or quantity of the hairs changed? Not even a little. | {
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2,719 | The tracks are from the truck that installed the sign. The sign was pounded in the ground from a worker in the bed of the truck. If you look closely you can see where the truck stopped momentarily for the worker to pound the sign into the ground. | {
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2,720 | http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lps38vGQSu1qkqq43o1_500.gif | {
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2,721 | And I don't mean "take advantage" in any sort of rapey way. | {
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2,722 | If one lightbulb goes missing nobody bats an eye, but if several go missing then people get suspicious | {
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2,723 | It deletes the recording when you're the one at fault. | {
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2,724 | Nope. The top layer is acrylic paint mixed with some grit, which is sprayed on asphalt or concrete. When the top layer doesn't bond, this happens.\n\n*edit - wooooooosh* | {
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2,725 | You flew into Philly International and decided to leave the state of Pennsylvania to stay the night in what is consistently ranked as one of the most dangerous cities in the US. I think you need a new travel agent. | {
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2,726 | Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. | {
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2,727 | haha, no. But definitely Dead Kennedys' Polic Truck and California Uber Alles | {
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2,728 | The best revenge is to live well. | {
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2,729 | Like some trained professional is gonna know better than me? I'll have you know I've read ARTICLES. On WEBSITES. | {
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2,730 | Can i smell your ass? | {
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2,731 | he actually got the illest music around | {
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2,732 | Yeah, she slept with my best friend and all kinds of shit happened but all is great now. | {
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2,733 | Elephant and giraffe are my favourite forest animals. | {
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2,734 | Theory: High testosterone often leads to balding. It also lends itself to a higher sex drive, which can increase ones 'Do it Yourself' habits. Regularly rubbing one out increases hand and forearm strength.\n\nConclusion: Hope they washed their hands. | {
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2,735 | Gives a very GLADOS vibe. I like it. | {
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2,736 | Thanks for the comment on the "illusive man" but in fact, I am an illusive man as the technology required to actually play the darned disc has completely eluded me. | {
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2,737 | I imagine his paper was on Mitt Romney literally being Hitler. | {
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2,738 | world record for sleep deprivation. scary | {
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2,739 | There are bears on reddit too. | {
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2,740 | Yeap I hate mustard, I'd throw the drink and go on a rampage. I have a hole in my wall from the last mustard rampage | {
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2,741 | Not tonight. You're jetpack tonight. | {
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2,742 | I used to turn the lights out. | {
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2,743 | I bet that made it really awkward for everyone else who still had presents to open. | {
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2,744 | At first I agreed with you, but by the end of your post you were just complaining about your friend. I couldn't even finish it. | {
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2,745 | http://i.iflip.im/1bin.jpg | {
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2,746 | I bet you're a real [ladykiller](http://i.imgur.com/5FnMK.gif), aren't you? | {
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2,747 | Mozart was all like "Hell, i outlived Ben Franklin, now i can go anywhere." Then it hit him. | {
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2,748 | Pretty much anything that comes out of Marisa Tomei's mouth in that movie qualifies instantly. She definitely earned her Oscar. | {
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2,749 | "If the dinosaurs had a space program, they'd still be here." - Ron Garan | {
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2,750 | Plot twist: the gamer *lied*... | {
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2,751 | Didn't activate his glutes. | {
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2,752 | I live in Alabama and you'd think it was the case here. | {
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2,753 | Just don't try 10minutemale.com, totally not email. | {
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2,754 | "I work for Comcast." | {
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2,755 | Technically, he didn't break character - he gave the worst possible answer for how to kill oneself. | {
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2,756 | Step 1: Blast Islamic Jihadi prayer song over and over\n Step 2: Make anonymous tip to Dept of Homeland Security\n Step 3: ????\n Step 4: Prophet | {
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2,757 | I was totally convinced Jakob was just one eccentric, costume-loving motherfucker. Nice photoshopping, mate. | {
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2,758 | the best, sometimes people think that im him | {
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2,759 | I hope this comment gets 2451 points. | {
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2,760 | The FCC won't let me be, or let me be me so let me see, they tried to shut me down on MTV, but it feels so empty without me. | {
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2,761 | Is that the skateboards for your fingers? | {
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2,762 | I'll take a short life of cheese, beer, brats, and the Pack over a long life as a Bears fan. | {
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2,763 | All you need after that is some dead parents and you're pretty much Batman. \n | {
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2,764 | Revenge is a dish best served without carbohydrates. | {
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2,765 | My mate used to date a girl who said she didn't brush her teeth before bed because she liked going to sleep with the taste of her dinner still in her mouth. Truly disgusting. | {
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2,766 | http://i.imgur.com/7XkUC.gif | {
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2,767 | No need for that /s. Those things were human rights abuses by their own right. | {
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2,768 | And now it's fucking me back :( | {
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2,769 | I hope you're saying this for shock value. Because that's one of the most fucked up things I've heard all day. The egg analogy is the only reason I'm questioning the legitimacy of this response. I don't feel like someone with an ass NOT as smooth as an egg could think of such a thing. Power to you either way. | {
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2,770 | I thought this day would never come. I changed my user agent string in chrome to IE5 to troll web admins, all of those are probably me. | {
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2,771 | It's as if all cops aren't inhumane power hungry pigs and are actually normal everyday people... | {
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2,772 | I can't even imagine what it would be like swimming in the ocean and hearing a blue whale. I think I would probably just accept my fate and inhale as much water as humanly possible. | {
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2,773 | The very beginning would also have been 100% appropriate. | {
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2,774 | Just like when your significant other doesn't follow these 10 Simple Sex Rules! | {
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2,775 | 30 minutes is how much blow job I've had total in the last 15 years.\n\nWhere do you find these selfish losers? | {
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2,776 | I bet there are pictures of him laughing at a salad. | {
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2,777 | Why didn't you use your magic to cure his disability? | {
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2,778 | "Would you like a comb? A mint? A condom, perhaps?" | {
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2,779 | The landing on Mars! It's next Sunday night or Monday morning, depending on your time zone. The Curiosity rover will be lowered onto the surface of Mars by a "sky crane." It's like science fiction; only it's real. The Planetary Society is hosting "Planetfest" events around the world. The central event is at the Pasadena Convention Center. It's goes on all weekend. It's going to be wild! Hope you'll join us! We may make a discovery about martian living things that changes the world(s)!! | {
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2,780 | Well my grandparents have been drinking out of them relatively frequently and my Grandfather is 93. So pretty safe I assume. | {
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2,781 | I tried this with whitening toothpaste\n\nIt turned my Snoop Dogg CD into Paul Anka's greatest hits | {
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2,782 | That's when you step your game up. \n\nYou're now inspecting the inspector. \n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold, kind internet stranger! | {
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2,783 | I know that feel.\n\n(Russian here) | {
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2,784 | http://i.imgur.com/ExbdV.jpg | {
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2,785 | All that happens in 35 seconds?\n\nEdit: My most upvoted comment will be about me prematurely ejaculating. Reddit, you son of a bitch. | {
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2,786 | It's like paying rent on your job. | {
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2,787 | So she honey-potted him. | {
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2,788 | I choose a TRIAL BY COMBAT! | {
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2,789 | Oh god that sounds awful. | {
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2,790 | "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" is in that order because it goes from most to least beneficial for the environment. He reused it, which is seriously WAY better than recycling. Just...ugh. | {
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2,791 | As my father told me, There are only three useless things in this world. Nuns' nipples, bishops' balls and an employer's praise without a raise." | {
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2,792 | I agree.\n\nIt's important to give the audience something interesting and informative to read while they're being put through hours of that movie. | {
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2,793 | Cheapo ones don't have the cool-down gel. | {
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2,794 | A hand job is a man's job. | {
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2,795 | Cookies? *Cookies?*\n\nI think the original story mentioned shortbread *biscuits*.\n\nWhat are these *cookies* of which you speak ... of? | {
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2,796 | It will be out soon! I can tell from first hand experience, it is tasty.\n\nEDIT (by staff): As promised http://www.whitehouse.gov/blog/2012/09/01/ale-chief-white-house-beer-recipe | {
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2,797 | From another thread:\n> You aren't pretty enough to be this stupid | {
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2,798 | *"Woman with world's most gaping vagina dies of dehydration" | {
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2,799 | That, and just normal /r/cringe \n\nSometimes the videos are someone messing up, and doing something embarrassing. Then it makes sense. Then, sometimes it's just a video of someone being themselves, and people there just tear them apart. There are some real fucking bullies on that subreddit. | {
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