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2,600 | So nothing would change? | {
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2,601 | As someone who works in the oil industry, bad. As someone who has to drive 45 miles to work every day, good! | {
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2,602 | He's probably hiding time travel from us. | {
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2,603 | his best friend ended up dating one of my friends a couple months later. on their first (and last) date he suggested that she come to his place and he'd cook her dinner. she agreed, he made her beef stroganoff. after she'd finished eating, he told her that he came in the sauce while he was cooking it and had been hard during the whole meal watching her unknowingly eat it. | {
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2,604 | *Doctor* Awesome. I didn't spend 6 years in Awesome Medical school to be called *Mr.* | {
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2,605 | Do you think she got were she is by hesitating? No she did not. Now finish those cheetos and get another bag. | {
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2,606 | That's how I accidentally discovered the clitoris | {
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2,607 | Thanks. I have terrible insomnia which I use for odd creative purposes. | {
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2,608 | http://i.imgur.com/5mgLz.gif | {
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2,609 | Yeah... And he and his crew were super rapey | {
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2,610 | I think I'd intentionally friend zone myself with her. Let's be honest here, attractive aspiring actresses would sleep with me to get close to her.\n\nWould you rather bang 1 Emma Watson or 100 wannabes? Tough question now that I've typed it. | {
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2,611 | On a related note: My daughter has bright red hair, my wife and I both have blonde/brown hair, but we have redheads on both sides of our family. Whenever someone comments on our daughters hair the first comment is "where did that red hair come from?" I cannot tell you how many times I've been tempted to cut my eyes at my wife and say "yeah Hun, where *did* that red hair come from?" And then storm off leaving a trail of awkward in my wake. | {
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2,612 | Only in PM form, this shit is just cruel. | {
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2,613 | We wash the big zip lock bags. They're made of pretty tough plastic and they're expensive, might as well get the most out of them. \n\nEdit: I'm talking about the big gallon ones. | {
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2,614 | Loquacious type is super effective against Grass type, right? | {
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2,615 | Fennel, mustard, onion powder, Mrs Dash | {
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2,616 | You read OP's heartwarming story. Then you see this. | {
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2,617 | Aah yes, the Liftwaffe. | {
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2,618 | >showing more of his body\n\nwhere is the rest of him [YOU MONSTER](http://i.imgur.com/96nJr.png) | {
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2,619 | I felt sick just reading that | {
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2,620 | In their defense, Randy Quaid is crazy. | {
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2,621 | Hey I just met you\n\nAnd this is crazy\n\nBut I'm a dingo\n\nI ate your baby | {
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2,622 | I feel like that exchange was very weird... | {
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2,623 | I said that to my grandpa once.\n\nHe hit me. | {
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2,624 | It's all about the credentials. | {
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2,625 | Which is great for making money. I think that the criticism people are missing is that music, at its best, is an art. Making these formulaic cookie-cutter songs is to "real" music, as clickbait Top 5 gossip articles are to "real" writing. One method fills your wallet, while the other can move your soul. They both have value, but it's a different value. | {
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2,626 | **PELECANIDAE PELECANUS OCCIDENTALIS** What in heavens to you thi- HEY LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.\n\n*Edited for scientific accuracy | {
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2,627 | I think you just wrote an Olive Garden commercial | {
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2,628 | *'Cause Kimmy, you're a firework...* | {
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2,629 | Ah man, this was the shit back in middle school. | {
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2,630 | New life goal: shit at a millionaire's house party. | {
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2,631 | Ever get on OP's bus? | {
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2,632 | or you could be a huge dick, and your last day would still be everyone else's favorite day... | {
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2,633 | It would just be filled with more pictures of cats. | {
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2,634 | Ten years on she murders him for leaving the toilet seat up. | {
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2,635 | I read it, I care. So sorry for your losses and that you had to deal with that. \n\n\n\nI wish you peace and love. | {
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2,636 | For the non-Americans I'm pretty sure this means Advanced Placement U.S. History | {
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2,637 | *turns out to be #1 answer*\n\n*Steve stares into camera with a dumbfounded expression for a minute and a half while the audience roars with laughter* | {
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2,638 | While that is true, people shouldn't get the impression they are a bunch of saints. The Yakuza is made up of groups involved in human trafficking (esp. sex trafficking), extortion and racketeering, and arms and drugs smuggling. | {
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2,639 | "My child is pure" nowhere in history has that *ever* been a good thing, bro. | {
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2,640 | "Youre goood.....youre gooood..." As they are side swiping a rock. Classic. | {
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2,641 | *A group of girls sitting criss-crossed on a couch with wine in their hands.*\n\n"Jenny, tell us, what was it like???"\n\n"Didn't feel a thing, it was like he putting a catheter in the wrong hole."\n\n*They all die laughing*. | {
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2,642 | Your customers sound like a bunch of pussies. | {
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2,643 | As soon as airbags became common in vehicles, the US Department of Transportation changed their "10 and 2" guideline to "9 and 3". This helps the driver's hands be clear of a potential airbag deployment. The "10 and 2" idea had caught on so much by this time, though, that the new rule never made it into the public lexicon.\n\nSource: guy who must be fun at parties | {
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2,644 | "What does this stuff mean?"\n\n"The man who killed me will know." | {
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2,645 | I hope the heat shield and parachutes work | {
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2,646 | that movie is just full of quote-gold. 'i'm not a regular mom, i'm a cool mom'. 'you will get pregnant and die! now take some condoms'. 'stop trying to make fetch happen'. 'four for you glen coco'. \n\nit doesn't end. | {
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2,647 | Kirk Cameron, you sick fuck... | {
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2,648 | Just start yelling "oh my god is Jackie Chan!" every time your students comes into class. | {
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2,649 | All the shopkeepers ran out of money. | {
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2,650 | Redditors of Reddit currently not on reddit, how are you answering this question? | {
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2,651 | That guy was the first person to listen to metal. | {
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2,652 | These feels unconstitutional to me. | {
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2,653 | Elimination style. Each week's show culminates with the parents telling one contestant, "You're not my child." And then the DFACS agent comes and hauls the bawling child away. | {
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2,654 | Well Toby is in HR so he technically works for corporate and therefore isn't really part of the Scranton family. Also he's divorced so he's really not a part of his family. | {
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2,655 | You got a low bar there dad | {
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2,656 | Regards,\n\nLawrence Ass Penetrator Wilson\n\n\nEDIT: Thank you for the golden shower, thus popping my golden cherry. I'm now a gold memeber. I'm doing my best to try and avoid speaking anymore. | {
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2,657 | You literally just changed this Ask Me Anything to Ask Me Everything | {
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2,658 | http://i.imgur.com/gZfUGwA.jpg | {
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2,659 | "Is ____ there?" \n"Yes." \n*silence* \n"May I speak with her?" \n"Yes, just a moment."\n\nDouchebag Dad\n\nEDIT: I know, just skip the first question. *You can all stop telling me.* | {
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2,660 | That is fucking amazing. There was a time when my sleep schedule was almost this bad, and I never thought to just let it run it's course. I really should've done this. | {
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2,661 | I don't remember much about it, but the script eventually became Avatar. | {
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2,662 | 1. Get her an anti-virus program like AVG or Avast. Make it very clear that she should never touch it\n\n2. Get Firefox or Chrome (disguise it as IE if you must)\n\n3. Get Adblock (be sure to white list some sites like Reddit)\n\n3. Get Teamviewer\n\n4. Get a $40 fancy looking case and just move all of her current computer parts into it | {
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2,663 | It is common knowledge to Americans with common sense. There are a surprising amount of Americans that lack common sense though. | {
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2,664 | TIL the great wall of china was build in france in 1207AD | {
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2,665 | The dust particle is moved by a ghost. | {
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2,666 | Dad, I'm serious!\n\n"I THOUGHT YOU WERE FIVE!" | {
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2,667 | Asian Jim isnt a Patriots fan. | {
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2,668 | Why am I reading these?? My god am I gonna make it through today? | {
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2,669 | Because it never happened... OP's post history, suggests he has a girlfriend, wife, and is also in high school.\n\n\nObviously its possible to have this as a stipulation on a lease, so everyone telling me that I already know. I'm just pointing out that given OP's submitted links and hasn't elaborated his story on a post with over 3k karma and 400 comments It's pretty obvious this isn't true. Stop getting honeydicked and upvoting shit posts. | {
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2,670 | haha thank you! I am very proud of our soundtracks, and I think they represented skateboarding's lifestyle, roots and culture well. | {
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2,671 | I give 'em the old crotch shine. Nothing better than a crotch shined apple. | {
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2,672 | Yeah I'll text her that sturgeon25 is DOWN. | {
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2,673 | She's kind of accepted the fact that she's married a perpetual sugar high toddler who happens to dress and act professionally at work. | {
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2,674 | Pump the interviewer for information. Get him to tell you everything he knows. Then kill him and take his place.\n\n\nSource: Been doing interviews for 20 years | {
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2,675 | Not sure why you were downvoted. Running is brutal on your knees and shins. And at that weight an injury will just degrade your weight loss. | {
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2,676 | How has this guy not gotten stabbed yet? | {
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2,677 | We have a guy that comes in with a hooker (always a very young looking Asian girl) every other Wednesday for lunch and then his wife and him come in Friday night. He is always in my section and tips me very well for my silence. | {
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2,678 | If I had a dollar for every woman that found me unattractive then women would find me attractive. | {
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2,679 | I lost my shit at "How much is this bread?" | {
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2,680 | This. Also most over-the-top racists are secretly black people. | {
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2,681 | >EDIT 3: I NEVER MASTURBATED IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS, CAN YOU PLEASE ALL STOP ASKING\n\nThis may be the most Reddit thing ever. | {
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2,682 | There are no losers in the Game of Crohn's. | {
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2,683 | Weirdest was Micheal Jackson who wouldn't let us use his name and we had to hire a guy to sing for him because he wasn't allowed to sing. He asked for 20 cases of evian water and a room full of room heaters and he never drank the water or went to the room. | {
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2,684 | Year 2065 news headlines: In 10 year nuclear fusion will solve energy crisis. | {
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2,685 | "Do you get to the cloud district very often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you don't." | {
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2,686 | It's amazing that my face lights up every time you watch! | {
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2,687 | How did you manage to take a picture of Bentley in dog-heaven?\n\nEdit: make comment - go to sleep - wake up - check reddit - RIP inbox and first gold... wow | {
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2,688 | Speaking of bringing it up, did you know that in Canada the penny has been eliminated so prices are either brought up or rounded down when making cash purchases? | {
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2,689 | I think the guy meant the sentence itself, not your way of saying it. Like, it's an odd thing to hear. | {
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2,690 | You do realize that the military has an entire team devoted to posting positive messages about the army all over the internet right? To influence public perception of the government, boost support for the war effort, and ultimately increase enlistment numbers.\nProof: http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2011/mar/17/us-spy-operation-social-networks\n\nThey are, almost certainly, fake accounts created by the government to spread Pro-American propaganda. | {
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2,691 | >It's not that long\n\n:( | {
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2,692 | Yeah i bet you had to guide all the pussy that was following you\n\n\nEdit: [MRW First time getting gold](http://i.imgur.com/5c22RvF.gifv) | {
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2,693 | fun fact! Deb from Napoleon is pretty hot [IRL](http://duvarkagitlari.mobi/wp-content/uploads/tina-majorino-3.jpg) | {
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2,694 | > ...And then he ate it.\n\nhttp://i.imgur.com/d5YdhTP.gif | {
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2,695 | HELLO?\n\nYES, THIS IS CUNT! | {
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2,696 | Haha, I'm an EE and my stereotype is that all mechEs are genetically superior rednecks, who just want to work on their cars and trucks but know they needed to find a way to make a living out of it. If you think EEs are weird though then you should thank your lucky stars that you never had to work with a computer engineer. I swear those people think in binary. | {
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2,697 | it was like going over Niagara Falls in a barrel (that's on fire) followed by a high speed crash | {
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2,698 | that's why the movie is called "Rain man" | {
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2,699 | Past people would be like, "Nah dog, 10 years ago was 1995." | {
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"flagged": false
} |
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