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2,900 | Your version is better. | {
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2,901 | Based on the amount of crying, they completely shut down. Their brains went into hysteria/panic mode which led to them not doing anything remotely logical. | {
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2,902 | No, with roaches, it's "If you see one, you've got 100, and more than half of them are carrying 50+ eggs." | {
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2,903 | 'An obdurate, prejudiced, bigot and brute; \nA dogmatist creep and a cretin to boot! \nA pill-poppin', dope-droppin' zealot and dick; \nA mad, maladjusted, cantankerous prick!\n\n*A jerk and a junkie; a snake and a sneak;* \n*A nazi-sectarian-fascist and freak!* \n*A dangerous, deviant, blood-sucking flea -* \n*But man, what an asshole he turned out to be.'* | {
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2,904 | Burger King's PR department is doing a kick-ass job on Reddit today. | {
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2,905 | Not with that attitude. | {
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2,906 | If I fall in will it eat me? | {
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2,907 | I hope you looked her dead in the eye with a completely blank face, then let out a quiet "beep" | {
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2,908 | My wife. Why did you have to leave so soon?\n | {
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2,909 | the thing about playing chicken is that both parties have to be opposed to colliding. trains don't really get that part. \n\nruins the fun tbh | {
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2,910 | Every. Single. Blind. Thread. | {
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2,911 | A genuine don't-know-me-in-day-to-day-life fan? Yes. They were so nervous they ejaculated twice before we even got to any of my holes and I gave up. He was super cute though. | {
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2,912 | "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!" | {
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2,913 | i can feel the panic behind those words | {
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2,914 | So like a few minutes ago? | {
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2,915 | Bae caught me rippin'. | {
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2,916 | > "The Pyramids, as shown above..." There were no pictures with this essay.\n\nMFW | {
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2,917 | Stop talking about your new stepdad like that. | {
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2,918 | Thanks! I write this. [I did an AMA about a month ago](http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/voqsp/i_write_now_i_know_a_free_triviaquirky_facts/). | {
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2,919 | I like this reply because he didnt even answer the question. | {
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2,920 | If he's smart, he'll come back years later and do it again. | {
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2,921 | When I read this at first, I imagined it as you used your open mouth as a plunger... which would also make sense in the context of the question | {
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2,922 | > she had only gone to a hotel where the guy wanted to meet up for some kisses.\n\nThis sounds like something Butters would say. | {
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2,923 | No, but her peehole was | {
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2,924 | When I was 20, I randomly got this huge swelling on my neck, and when it was removed they realized it was something along these lines. I called it my cyst-er. | {
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2,925 | SHE CAN SMELL YOUR MAYONNAISE | {
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2,926 | I once had the question posed to me, "If you're not happy on your own, how can you make someone else happy?" | {
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2,927 | Adam did not have to convince me to do AMA. Although I expected a lot of questions that are kind of fluffy like 'how many berets do you have' I also figured that I would get a lot of intelligent stuff from a group like this, and it is my responsibility, by way of doing a good job of being in the public eye, to keep tabs on the opinions of the public about who I am and what I mean to them. | {
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2,928 | I go to bed with all my friends | {
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2,929 | Interviewer: "please take a seat"\nYou: "nice try ISIS" | {
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2,930 | He faxed a copy of his birth certificate. | {
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2,931 | That's because every truck driver that ever stopped in Detroit is dead.\n\nEDIT: Thanks for the gold, stranger! | {
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2,932 | Neither do I but I like being drunk. | {
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2,933 | Ironically, a hatred for flying pigs probably would unify Israel and Palestine.\n\nWorse than any bomb - flying pork dropping bits of non-halal, non-kosher excrement.\n\nWe could unify them against the pigs that fly. | {
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2,934 | One does not simply 'shoot the shit' with Sean Bean | {
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2,935 | It was strange. I kept looking at all the different zeros hoping one of them would explain what was going on. It was fun. It was... dirty. | {
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2,936 | That says a lot about the character of your DM that he was able to about-face and apologize like that. | {
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2,937 | That's why I love boxer briefs, the protection of whitie tighties with the loose feeling freedom of boxers. | {
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2,938 | Click bait pisses me off, but what really pisses me off is how it's creeping into site that used to be useful. Weather.com was pretty good for checking, well, the weather, but anymore you go on there and it's bullshit like "WINTER STORM HECTOR IS EATING YOUR BABIES" and "THE REAL COST OF CHEAP GAS" and stupid bullshit like that. | {
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2,939 | > I've decided it'll be easier to just never talk to her again.\n\nWell thankfully that's going to be pretty easy, since she doesn't have a phone anymore. | {
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2,940 | Tell me more about this transparent wood. | {
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2,941 | My elder sister got sick in Monrovia. When my sister passed away my grandmother also got sick because she was taking care for her. My father went to bring her his mother to Bong where I live as he wanted to take care of her. During that time we ate together and that is how I got infected. | {
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2,942 | It's a place called Casey's, and they're all over Iowa, and they do a delicious breakfast pizza. \n\nYeah, you heard me! | {
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2,943 | Yeah, that would be hard | {
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2,944 | ˙ʎllɐɹ "ssǝuıɥʇnɹʇ ǝɹoʇsǝɹ" ɐ ƃuıploɥ ǝq ʇɥƃıɯ ʇɹǝqloɔ uǝɥdǝʇs | {
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2,945 | >Uploaded with HTC 4G+™ | {
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2,946 | Why would I ever need purple string? | {
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2,947 | Just think of it as 2 giant candles. | {
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2,948 | YOU ARE SUGGESTING THAT OP'S VIEW OF A BILLIONAIRE IS MODIFIED BY THE KNOWEDGE OF HIS BILLIONAIRE STATUS\n\nAND PERHAPS THAT OP IS A WOMAN OR A NONTRADITIONAL MALE | {
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2,949 | > they apparently told the employees to stab a hole in each chip bag\n\nI will never understand this. What, you find your garbage is someone else's survival treasure? *Let me make it even more shitty for them, for no benefit or reason at all* :( | {
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2,950 | ಠ\_ಠ | {
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2,951 | I also like shooting a load into my mouth to check for saltiness. | {
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2,952 | > You can think of Anonymous what you want, but sometimes they are really useful\n\nAnonymous can be anyone at any given time. \n\nAnonymous can be a teenager, or the FBI, or the NSA, or whoever.... | {
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2,953 | Holy shit! You are right.\n\nProof: http://imgur.com/J2btSMy\n\nEDIT: Thanks for the gold stranger :) | {
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2,954 | That's exactly the answer someone in a secret rich-person club would give... | {
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2,955 | I have no sister. After that bit of whistle-blowing.\n\nBACK TO THE LIBRARY WITH YOU! | {
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2,956 | Give a man a threesome, he cums for a day.\nGive a man a laptop, he cums for a lifetime. | {
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2,957 | IT'S MAO VS HITLER TODAY ON REDDIT, A FIGHT TO THE DEATH | {
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2,958 | > their security team takes the happy atmosphere of the parks pretty seriously\n\n"Be happy!...or else." | {
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2,959 | Can I get the Shiner Bock first before executing the rest of the plan? | {
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2,960 | You. Words. Write. Good. | {
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2,961 | Habib: "No please go away.." \n\n**boom** *door kicked down* \n\nMarine: You have a beautiful home, mind if I smoke?\n\n | {
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2,962 | Words can hurt, you know | {
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2,963 | Sweet jesus. Brace yourself .... | {
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2,964 | Changing your opinion as you grow older doesn't make you a hypocrite. I don't like this guy at all but he's only a hypocrite if he continued to drink and party whilst arguing against it. If he stopped doing all that when he started preaching against it, it wouldn't necessarily be hypocrisy, but a change in opinion. Again I don't agree with this guy at all, but these photos aren't enough to call him a hypocrite. | {
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2,965 | So do the redneck white people. From Georgia. | {
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2,966 | Or that "hya!" sound you'd say riding a horse. | {
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2,967 | My moustache grows with such rampant, perpetual virility, that we need to trim it 3 or 4 times a day during filming. It was cool at first (grade school), but to be honest, it's getting old. | {
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2,968 | > 20 years in\n\nHe went for the long con | {
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2,969 | Fully funded mission to multiple destinations in space. Which reminds me:\n\nIf you want to build a ship, don't drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea..." - Antoine de Saint Exupery | {
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2,970 | Oh, man. Elephant jokes. I love them so much. There's just something about the ridiculousness of them all that makes me laugh really hard.\n\nEDIT: Well, this is my top-voted comment now. I am completely OK with this. And my inbox is full of elephant jokes, which is how you make every day great. | {
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2,971 | i definitely share archer's penchant for annoying everyone around him and his juvenile sense of humor, and biggest difference, my chest is significantly \nmore pillowy | {
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2,972 | But was she vaccinated? | {
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2,973 | So you're saying I should get as much of it as I can now, because it won't be available soon?\n\nIs this some sort of /r/hailcorporate style marketing scheme? Because I feel like you just told me that they're about to put palm oil "back in the Disney Vault". | {
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2,974 | Stop, you're both right. | {
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2,975 | Lack of a higher education beyond High School. | {
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2,976 | That they organized a vote like that makes them much uglier than you. | {
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2,977 | Your Mum probably hated you for that. "Die son" | {
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2,978 | We keep a happy relationship by respecting it. We make it the top priority in our lives.\nA lady should be treated like any person, man or woman, with respect and good manners. If you're a fellow, it doesn't hurt to open a door for a lady, or help her with her parcels. We're all in this together. | {
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2,979 | btw - my wife is typing for me everyone. | {
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2,980 | Who is Amy Winehouse? | {
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2,981 | Introducing the 2016 Hyundai Yenetra...\n\nedit: Holy fuck. | {
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2,982 | Classic Mrs. Daniels. | {
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2,983 | ... I cringed so bad at that I felt like I should file a restraining order as well. | {
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2,984 | http://imgur.com/pnVBh\n\n[**♕**](http://www.shittywatercolour.com) | {
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2,985 | OP is a fucking genius. If not for that title, I would probably not have clicked with such nervous curiosity. It was almost like watching a commercial that's so bad, you cannot forget it. | {
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2,986 | Dude go hug your mom. | {
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2,987 | I made a [picture](http://i.imgur.com/2PRe4JH.jpg?1)\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold. I now realize that Kate is probably a woman. | {
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2,988 | Dear god, I have been in this thread so long I forgot what it's title was. You almost had me going to try this. | {
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2,989 | It is the opposite. It means he has done everything in the game. It's actually kind of impressive.http://runescape.wikia.com/wiki/Completionist_cape | {
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2,990 | One of my favorites. Along with Inception and Memento. Can't wait to see interstellar. \n\n\nChristopher Nolan is incredible. | {
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2,991 | Tape. God you're dumb. | {
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2,992 | So ladies (yeah!) ladies (yeah!) You wanna advertise fertility? (hell yeah!) | {
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2,993 | It's actually pretty tame for a picture of a guy doing a trick on a bike, while a man gets head from another guy and a dog threesome | {
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2,994 | Yeah, well, if he's so smart, why is he dead? | {
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2,995 | I am pretty sure that it was one of the best expeditions in his life! | {
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2,996 | Who are you to say my dick is ugly?! | {
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2,997 | Yeah, we kind of have a history of purposely blocking certain types of people from voting | {
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2,998 | Oh good to hear, Losing a bone would not be very humerus. | {
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2,999 | Yes. But its not as great as it seems! | {
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