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2,300 | The last Call of Duty game had a funeral sequence where players were prompted to "press F to pay respects". It was generally received as such an immersion breaking Narm moment that there now exists this meme, principally on Reddit, of ridiculing that sequence by replying with "F" whenever someone says "RIP x" or anything signifying the death or destruction of someone or something.\n\nI'd link you to the /r/outoftheloop thread but I can't seem to find it. | {
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2,301 | Who let John Travolta in here?\n\nEdit: Wow, this comment is my top rated comment by a landslide. Thanks everyone. \n\nEdit 2: Thanks for breaking my gold virginity. I am honoured. | {
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2,302 | But Jenny loves pipe laying. \n\nEdit: Wow. Jenny, that bitch, got me gold. \n | {
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2,303 | fratbro.exe has experienced an unexpected shutdown | {
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2,304 | Please refrain from smartassness when speaking to the 1 spermcent. | {
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2,305 | My genes are acid-washed. I now have schizophrenia. | {
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2,306 | But he's still doing it to this day. He's 40 years old. | {
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2,307 | Does your wife have to chew before she swallows? | {
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2,308 | Too bad they apparently live in a world without cell phones, text message, email, land lines, mail, carrier pigeon, smoke signals... | {
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2,309 | TIL Terry Crews has his priorities right. | {
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2,310 | Pee after you fuck or you'll be fucked when you pee\n\nEdit: There appear to be some questions as to why you should pee after sex. As /u/AnAssyrianAtheist and /u/gryffinwhore have pointed out\n\n>AAA: You can get a urinary tract infection from having sex because the thrusting pushes all sorts of fun bacteria back up the urethra.\n\nand\n\n>GW: For women, because the urethra is so short, it can go up to the bladder and kidney much faster than for men. It's good practice to pee right after. | {
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2,311 | Yeah, on the one hand, public complaining is completely unacceptable in Thailand. \n\nOn the other, when you hear a Thai person complaining like this, it probably *is* pretty bad. \n\nJust never complain about drunk Thai people, no matter who you are. Unless you want your ass on a platter. | {
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2,312 | You love stupid people. | {
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2,313 | The safeword was "put it in my ass", an unfortunate choice in hindsight. | {
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2,314 | When your mom stops. | {
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2,315 | That's gold to a man with a vasectomy! | {
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2,316 | Also, a strong message that anyone who wants to be in political science professionally should not be taking advice from /r/politics. That's just sad. | {
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2,317 | Well, according to the hypothetical situation, they're all guilty. | {
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2,318 | He said there's this lady who will soon become a fully grown dog, and they're gonna buy a tube ride and use it to run over a puppy | {
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2,319 | And with each query, have your monocle fall to better complement your shocked reaction. Then replace it with a new one from the stash in your pocket. | {
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2,320 | If you see the buttcrack guy, give him my love | {
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2,321 | Thank you for the kind words. Star Wars has been a blessing in my, and my family's lives. I am so grateful that it has allowed me to be able to interact with so many wonderful people. \n\nGive my kindest regards to you three little ones, and thank you for all your support over the years.\n\nCheers, \n\nPeter Mayhew | {
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2,322 | I WAS THE INTERN ALL ALONG\n\nThe only way I could motivate myself to work was by writing essentially a fanfic (similar to 50 shades of grey) where my boss caught me browsing reddit all day, and forced me to work. It was all in my head. Reddit isn't real. I am the only one here. | {
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2,323 | A federal judge once used the quote in an official opinion to mock the attorney for their poor logic.\n\nhttp://blogs.wsj.com/law/2006/03/06/federal-judge-rejects-inscrutable-motion-cites-adam-sandlers-billy-madison/ | {
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2,324 | Imagine being rejected? | {
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2,325 | A frican pun thread? Seriously? | {
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2,326 | enough to last a lifetime\n | {
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2,327 | Actually, they don't call him. | {
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2,328 | I think my father is a hateful person first. The religious beliefs gave him a forum and permission to be cruel to the world. | {
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2,329 | Are you sure you didn't fuck an octopus? | {
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2,330 | Damn this is the craziest one | {
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2,331 | "We're just Julius now." | {
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2,332 | No that's /r/fuckablefaces | {
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2,333 | Nobody asks what you clog a toilet with \n\nEdit: why the fuck did you guys gild me? It wasn't really clever or anything. Reddit is confusing. Nevertheless thank you guys. | {
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2,334 | EIGHTEEN PAGES! FRONT AND BACK! | {
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2,335 | You're a fizzicist!\n\nEdit: A wild Redditor has used "Gold" on /u/zxDanKwan. It's super effective! | {
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2,336 | I think it's pretty good, but not if you're alone or scared or dead or something like that. | {
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2,337 | I gave up playing violin to pursue skating. I still get jealous when I see an accomplished concert violinist. They are badass. | {
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2,338 | She's your ex for a reason goddammit, don't you forget it. | {
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2,339 | Haha that's hilarious. I mean he's rich. And that's a dick thing to say. But it's also funny and kind of a good comeback. Polo Tapia is basically saying "You don't know what you're talking about," to which Tom basically says, "I have 580 million reasons that disagree." | {
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2,340 | That goes under, "What's the greatest comeback to a great comeback you've ever heard?" \n\nWe can go deeper. | {
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2,341 | That's been proven false. They actually are largely filled with helium. The flapping is just a show to distract their real flying power. In actual fact, that's why their chirps are so high pitched.\n\nIf you take all the helium out of a bird, it sounds like Barry White. | {
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2,342 | Too late. This kid already is a pimp. | {
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2,343 | Damn you, Rita Skeeter! | {
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2,344 | 60 years..working hard, providing opportunity, holding onto hope his offspring will make his country a better place for his grandchildren and his grandchildren's children. All to be taken away by a radical bat shit insane group. I hope he has other children to live on for him. \n\nKDR: 7.0 | {
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2,345 | *Everyone* is from the past. | {
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2,346 | I assume that was a typo and should have said:\n\n>This user has verified the claim with a **nod.**\n | {
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2,347 | i feel weird about all the fans because they are so worldwide. i cannot really believe it yet. | {
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2,348 | Whew i was scared i wouldnt get to go for a second | {
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2,349 | The impersonator or the real one? | {
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2,350 | Unlike in the US or Europe, where it is a great honor. | {
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2,351 | Should have said yes and then just showed up with their SO. | {
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2,352 | Men don't worry about those things. They have to, but they don't. | {
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2,353 | Thats exactly what a man caught watching porn in public would say | {
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2,354 | He said he would do an AMA for 30 min. That looks like 30 min of answering questions. | {
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2,355 | When it's really cold outside, you use your nipple to cut straight through the vodka bottle. | {
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2,356 | most satisfying troll. ever. | {
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2,357 | My grandfather forgot what it was called one time because of old age. He asked the lady in the store where you could find crapping paper. She directed him to wrapping paper. | {
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2,358 | "Are you busy?"\n\nMy reply is always\n\n"There's never a time where I'm not busy, what do you need?"\n\nNow, clearly I'm a lying asshole because I'm sitting here typing on reddit at work. But still, annoying fricken question | {
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2,359 | There is no better place to pick up attractive homosexual males on the down low at 3am\n\n**EDIT:** Awesome, now my two top rated comments involve me trying to shove semen back into someone's dick hole and advertising anonymous gay meet ups at the gym. I hope my mother never learns my reddit name. | {
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2,360 | I was just in the middle of collecting the necessary stats to solve this problem when suddenly I had the thought: "Wait, I don't give a shit!" | {
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2,361 | Every single scene in Airplane is "one of the best scenes in Airplane" \n\nEDIT: Stop fucking calling me shirley | {
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2,362 | **DO NOT TOUCH YOURSELF AND DRIVE!** | {
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2,363 | I can't tell how old he is, but he acts like a perpetual child. He also can't drive because he's failed his test like 70 times or something. | {
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2,364 | Beethoven (film series)\n\n http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beethoven_%28film_series%29#Films \n\nPlease note: "The 2008 film, Beethoven's Big Break was a reboot of the film series and is not considered part of the main Beethoven canon."\n\nGlad we cleared THAT up! | {
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2,365 | I kinda don't think a guy should go beyond heavy breathing or light moaning. ~~Nobody likes~~ I'm not a fan of the loud dude in a porno. \n\n**"HERE IT COMES! AAAHHHHHHHH UGGGGHHHHH UGH UGH UGH AHHHHHHHHHHH!"**\n\nEdit: [Visual aid](http://images.amcnetworks.com/ifc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/080312-total-recall.jpg) just for /u/Thrackerz0d (SFW) | {
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2,366 | "Everyone has a plan until I punch them in their fucking face" - Mike Tyson | {
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2,367 | Had to go looking for that one - I missed it when it aired.\n\nI can't fault them for it. Craft beer "enthusiasts" have been hating on American macrobrews for years now, it was only a matter of time before they started throwing some punches back.\n\nI enjoy craft brews as well, but will never turn down a "cheap" beer. IMO, the people you're drinking with is much more important than what you're drinking. | {
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2,368 | Also, they'll only take a ~~bribe~~ look if the fuck isn't in the context of fucking. If you say fuck in a fucking context, you can't use it at all in a PG-13 movie. \n\nIf you say fuck as an exclamation or in the context of it as a word, it's fine as long as it's only once or twice. \n\nFor example, you can say "Fuck Canada" but can't say "I fucked Canada," and can only say "I'm fucking Canada" if you are Canada and just really excited about it. | {
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2,369 | When will I get my money? | {
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2,370 | From my - admittedly limited - experience with strip clubs and cabarets, I don't really get blue balls, let alone boners, because 1) you know it's not going to go anywhere outside of the club and 2) you're drunk. It's just an excuse to see a few nice pairs of titties with your friends. | {
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2,371 | Yeah, I wouldn't want to wear pants that dirty either. | {
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2,372 | None of the guys on the upper level have legs. | {
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2,373 | 'It's here!' she cried: 'today's the day \nFor questions fair and fine! \nIt's time for Santa's AMA - \nI hope he answers mine!'\n\n*'I'll ask,' she laughed and clapped her hands,* \n*'Who makes the games and toys -* \n*Or how he flies to distant lands* \n*With gifts for girls and boys!'*\n\nThe moment came. She closed the door, \nRelaxed, and clicked the thread. \nAn hour passed - an hour more... \n\n'He didn't show,' she said.\n\n^^^:( | {
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2,374 | it's like amber, but not. | {
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2,375 | It's actually because of a birth defect - my left shoulder was crushed at birth which I've learned to accommodate. \n\nPutting on a coat is one such accommodation. Gee, thanks for noticing. \n\n | {
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2,376 | That was fucking adorable. The embarrassing part is how awful that advice is for making friends. "Just have a thousand things in common with them and run into them everywhere you go and have kids the same age that just happen to meet and want to play together. Friendship's easy yo" | {
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2,377 | I find your enthusiasm for plants cooler than the plants themselves. | {
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2,378 | Link isn't relevant to the story. This is about Mario, do you even read? | {
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2,379 | doesn't matter; had shoe | {
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2,380 | Not to mention how grotesque it is to apply the word "porn" to some of these images.\n\nThere is a picture of a woman literally falling to her death. | {
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2,381 | Holy shit that is crazy! I wish my dorms had elevators. | {
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2,382 | > I don't understand what exactly your motivation is here.\n\nAre you new to Reddit? \nKarma is EVERYTHING! | {
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2,383 | I was getting pissed just reading that story. | {
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2,384 | She got a [$12 million book deal](http://articles.latimes.com/2012/sep/20/news/la-jc-monica-lewinsky-memoir-20120920). That's more money than I'll make working for the rest of my life. I think she's doing OK. | {
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2,385 | Someone has to live to tell the story. | {
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2,386 | For almost 50 years old, she still looks really good. People shouldnt look 20 forever...unless they are Asian, then they look 20 until they are 70, then they look 90 forever. | {
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2,387 | I bet he doesn't accept checks anymore though. | {
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2,388 | You should've eaten it to show your dominance and declared yourself the new head of the household. | {
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2,389 | CAMO: AMERICA'S AWAY COLORS!!! | {
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2,390 | "This is your captain speaking. Nice dick bro." | {
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2,391 | Goddamn scouts can start a fire anywhere. | {
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2,392 | Did you just subtly tell us all to eat a dick? | {
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2,393 | How does Hitler tie his shoesies?\n\nIn little Nazis!\n\nEdit: Yay gold! Thank you, kind redditor. | {
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2,394 | Yeah you would win. They didn't do their due diligence on finding out of they were legitimately towing your car. \n\nEdit: My highest rated comment ever is about asshole tow companies. No ragrets. | {
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2,395 | Yes, they both turned 2 at the same time. | {
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2,396 | Slapping ones penis against the right leg, then the left, then back to the right, then back to the left, repeating as jubilation and propriety deem appropriate. | {
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2,397 | Ouch, right in the humanity. | {
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2,398 | I agree that this is a terrible word; please use Trigrican-Americans. | {
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2,399 | >Hopefully you are still thread safe. \n\n"Hi, Tesla support? Yeah, so I pushed start on my Model 3 and now I'm in orbit. Am i still covered under warranty?"\n\nEdit: thank you for the gold, kind stranger! May your threads never race and your global state remain minimal. | {
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