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2,200 | Your friend is a chubby chaser and didn't want you guys to make fun of him. | {
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2,201 | I feel like a yellow PT cruiser would just be an extra-short short-bus... | {
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2,202 | I, as a sane, rational person, regardless of religion, wouldn't harm someone over a drawing. | {
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2,203 | Everyone commenting is like "this is so irrelevant" but let me just tell you when you're 2 hours in to translating *Pro Archia* and Cicero is on his 25th fucking clause in *one sentence* you will wish you had a black market orator translator to help you out I'll tell you what's what \nYou stem nerds have no idea what we've been through... the things we've seen | {
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2,204 | "God Oscar, stop being such a *grouch*!"\n\n"BITCH I LIVE IN A FUCKIN TRASH CAN!" | {
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2,205 | CHEX. Chex Rice cereal. Yes, the most blandest cereal possible. I love cereal that tastes like cardboard. Yes, I know it's weird. My morning cereal is Chex, Almond Milk, and then I put in a bunch of berries - without fail! | {
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2,206 | Aww fuck no, not in my thread. NOTHING TO SEE HERE EVERYBODY. MOVE ALONG. | {
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2,207 | Steps to giving a great handjob:\n1. Take penis out\n2. put mouth on penis | {
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2,208 | George likes him somma Jar Jar Binks. | {
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2,209 | It was one of the BEST moments of my entire life. The Wayans are geniuses and it was my breakthrough in my acting career. I'll never forget it. That was the moment my life changed. | {
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2,210 | There was one, but it was deemed to be offensive. | {
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2,211 | "Yup. Mhm. Hmmm...\n\nThat is indeed an engine." | {
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2,212 | Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand f*ck you. | {
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2,213 | > non-sexual manor\n\nSo, like, the opposite of the Playboy Mansion. | {
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2,214 | Again, no mathematician... | {
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2,215 | He put all his skillpoints into archery. His approach to min-maxing is insane, one time he tried to open a door and accidentally shot eight men in the face. | {
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2,216 | "DoubleVixen has joined your party!" | {
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2,217 | Well Magneto would be closest to me with his helmet on; throwing bridges at anyone else who tried to get near. I'd be shouting bridge related puns. \n"Cry me a RIVER!" *WHAM*\n"Check THIS load bearing capacity!" *CRUNCH*\n\nEdit: "Don't CROSS me!" "Looks like your ARCH-nemesis is....GIRDERS!" "Time to pay the TOLL!"\n\nEDIT: Thanks for the gold I guess, but it makes a crap magnet. ;) | {
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2,218 | Knock knock.\n\nWho's there?\n\nI eat mop.\n\nI eat mop who? \n\n(Dissolve into immature laughter) | {
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2,219 | So that I don't have to search your name when I want to stalk you | {
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2,220 | "What do you mean today?" | {
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2,221 | Hmm, I wonder if they noticed THOU SHALT NOT STEAL in the same book. | {
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2,222 | This guy thought he was a fucking genius.\n\n"And they'll have to bring them to my house *forever*!" | {
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2,223 | http://i.imgur.com/MnPwv.png\n\n\n[CL99 x Ruse = OTP 5ever] | {
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2,224 | So "windows XP" could also be interpretted as 'Windows Christ?" | {
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2,225 | 7 year olds are the wittiest people ever, never fail to amuse me! | {
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2,226 | http://i.imgur.com/ZxRqfGv.gif | {
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2,227 | If you choose to remain on reddit and comment, turn to page 54.\n\nIf you choose to log off and go make a sandwich, turn to page 99. | {
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2,228 | Your mom had no complaints. | {
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2,229 | I love having a day in the bathroom. | {
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2,230 | There's a common nomadic tribe that eats zippers. They accomplish this task by helping each other break down the zippers using only their lips. While they are performing this task, they cannot speak. So in order to communicate they must take their lips off of another person's zipper. I hope this helped. | {
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2,231 | In the words of Pam, "You could drown a toddler in my panties right now." | {
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2,232 | ...and that's why we don't let women drive, vote, go out in public, work, or attend university\n\n -- Saudia Arabia\n\nEdit: thank you for the gold, kind redditor! | {
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2,233 | Don't want your parents to come up and all of sudden you have to explain to them why there's a baby couch in the living room. | {
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2,234 | The son's only concern is for himself. \n\n* He had no empathy for the dog when he abused him. \n\n* He had no empathy for his dad when mom kicked him out. \n\n* He had no empathy for his mom letting her believe that her husband of many years is a bad person. \n\nHe has no empathy for anyone. He is a sociopath. Do you think he will have empathy for a girl as he fucks her and then strangles her so she won't tell anyone? | {
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2,235 | At least there was no incest in this one. | {
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2,236 | Isn't proofread one word?\n\nEdit: HOLY SHIT I GOT GOLD! THANK YOU KIND REDDITOR!\nAlso, this comment alone more than doubled my overall karma. This is crazy. Thanks you guys. | {
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2,237 | > he says he doesn't like sharing things\n\nThis line killed me. | {
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2,238 | http://i.imgur.com/Ss1W3.gif | {
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2,239 | Whats up fuck face? Glad you were able to stop masturbating long enough to hang out with me.\n\nLike that? | {
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2,240 | Old people can't keep their dry, lilac-scented hands off me. Man, do old people ever love Jeopardy. I can't go anywhere in public where there might be old people, like Hallmark stores or cemeteries. | {
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2,241 | naked - not naked - naked - not naked - naked - not naked - naked ...\n\n/Edit: So undressing in public gets you gold\n\nThank you lewd stranger | {
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2,242 | Why bother with throwing bridges at Xavier? Just have Magneto use some scrap metal to construct a flight of stairs in front of him.\n\nEDIT: thanks for the gold kind stranger! I'm glad my handicapped humor could bring joy to so many... | {
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2,243 | > My mom has been telling this story for twenty years now.\n \n That's like, 2 words a year. | {
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2,244 | don't forget the Islamic republic of Birminghamistan | {
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2,245 | Shut up Mr. Responsible. | {
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2,246 | TIL there is no santa or tooth fairy. I am 6 AMA.\nedit: this really blew up! thanks for the gold! first time ever!! | {
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2,247 | > !00 km\n\nNice to see someone remembered the obscure "number capitalization" rules of English. | {
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2,248 | http://i.imgur.com/RupuCxB.jpg \n\nEdit: e-e-e-eee-eee-e! | {
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2,249 | Yea I'd turn that one down too | {
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2,250 | 1. unfortunately i didn't attend class that much. sorry!\n\n2. when i was in college i was young and stupid so i thought i cannot learn creative things from other people like professors. i taught myself. but nowadays sometimes i regret but things worked out ok. | {
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2,251 | Meanwhile she's thinking you just bust a nut! | {
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2,252 | That's called a woman. | {
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2,253 | Especially when greedy family which have nothing to do with the original music are the ones who do the suing | {
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2,254 | I'm like 92.3% sure this is how serial killers think | {
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2,255 | Coming to movie theatres near you: "A Middle East Love Story" "Was a real blast." - Critic #1 | {
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2,256 | But does he have patience | {
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2,257 | That's okay, I'm only a single player myself if you know what I mean. | {
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2,258 | "With our whajeena, we can be star"\n\nSuch a beautiful quote.\n\n**EDIT**: Thanks for the gold! | {
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2,259 | I swear if my highest voted comment is about my dad jizzing in my hair I think I'm going to cry. \n\n\nEdit: Well fuck. \n\nEdit 2: Reddit Gold? I guess I should thank my dad. | {
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2,260 | The edge of your nostril where your nose meets your cheek is an awful place to get a spot! | {
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2,261 | I would just like to say on my behalf and I'm sure many other Redditors, that you played a very important role in shaping our minds and helping us grow and learn as children. Even though people made fun of some of the corny jokes and songs that used to be on the show, they helped us remember things nonetheless and it helped us recognize you for who you are. <3 | {
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2,262 | To: Faison, Donald\n\nFrom: Braff, Zach\n\nRe: kt | {
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2,263 | That's it. All Spaniards are banned. | {
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2,264 | exactly. a bikini is much quicker to draw than pants. | {
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2,265 | And since the subreddit doesn't exist, create it and post his paper as the only submission. | {
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2,266 | Average looking I suppose. | {
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2,267 | Ex-girlfriend named her snake Lieutenant Dan. | {
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2,268 | i jerk off to girls peeing no joke | {
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2,269 | Is a rainfall discussion | {
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2,270 | Actually, in this case he became disoriented. | {
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2,271 | StarTrek. For the warp drives. And the story lines were often deep, and rich in social consciosness and accountability. I was also impressed that Captain Kirk could have sex with aliens. | {
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2,272 | Welcome to my 2,000 sq foot Manhatten apartment I pay for by waiting tables. Oh, none of my furniture is secondhard crap or ikea crap. Also, when I go shopping I always buy a loaf of french bread and it sticks out the top of the bag I carry. | {
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2,273 | SRS is just sjws trying to make reddit conform to their stupid cult beliefs \n\nedit: [im an SRS celeb now](https://www.reddit.com/r/ShitRedditSays/comments/2v3xh0/srs_is_just_sjws_trying_to_make_reddit_conform_to/) ;v; | {
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2,274 | My dad and brother are both red green colorblind. No confusion here. \n\nDad: could you pass me the yellow mug? \n\n*Son passes the red mug*\n\nDad: thank you | {
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2,275 | I used to think SPR was the best thing ever. Then I watched Band of Brothers. It's not a movie, but it's near perfect. | {
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2,276 | A lot of folks actually confuse the look of distrust with the look of drinking someone's shit that was turned into water. | {
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2,277 | Ya i kinda thought it'd be where the penis is | {
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2,278 | Heil honey, I'm homo*\n\nEdit: obligatory holy-fuck-thanks-for-the-gold-and-insane-up-votes edit. | {
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2,279 | That's when you stab his face and ban him from LIFE | {
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2,280 | He didn't want any of those noobs stealing his kills. | {
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2,281 | "So I see you had a sale last week, I expect it to count towards my current purchase." | {
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2,282 | I don't think twice about seeing someone eating alone. \n | {
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2,283 | He'd disappear off of the cameras and then appear behind you. And now the door is locked. | {
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2,284 | After that, he was captain_blueballs | {
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2,285 | Pig here. Did anyone ever think WE might be offended by Muslims or Jews? You are all so people-centric, disgusting. | {
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2,286 | Sometimes I just make eye contact with the camera and make a face like I'm in The Office. | {
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2,287 | Two scientists walk into a bar.\n\nOne says to the bartender, "I'll have some H2O", to which the second scientist says, "I'll have some H2O too".\n\nThe second scientist dies. | {
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2,288 | How was it being home-schooled? | {
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2,289 | I had the impression it was a two hours commercial for a certain religion | {
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2,290 | That's when she pulls her dick out. | {
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2,291 | Thanks man! Your girlfriend was a complete babe btw, grats on that. | {
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2,292 | ~~worthless~~ priceless | {
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2,293 | >Mom: "Shouldn't we buy a fish that's at least the same color?" \nDad: "Na, kid's aren't that bright." \nEdit: I like apostrophe's OK!\n\nAh, those family arguments where Edit always had to have the last word. Dammit, Edit! | {
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2,294 | Don't worry, this is under strict supervision. We have a nurse coming twice a week to check the healing process. I talked to her after the Goa'uld removal, she'll be here tomorrow. | {
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2,295 | IS MAYONNAISE A WEBSITE | {
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2,296 | > Took years of intensive work and then he died\n\nThis is why I don't work. I don't want to end up like Alex. | {
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2,297 | That's exactly what john cena told the undertaker at WWE Suuuuuper slaaaaaam! | {
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2,298 | So that's what all these underage girls have been being used for, the sex ring is a coverup, and they are using it to take down her enemies | {
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2,299 | Seems wierd they would single out the one straight person on the team.\n\n\n\nHonestly should use softball as a litmus test and kill all the dikes. | {
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