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2,000 | Is it edgy and in your face? | {
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2,001 | And you won't even BELIEVE what happens next... | {
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2,002 | I once torrented text book for a computer ethics class. | {
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2,003 | Are you just using 10% of your keyboard? | {
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2,004 | Never tell him the odds | {
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2,005 | Was reading through his post thinking "fuck this, fuck THAT, are you fucking kidding me??" then you get to the rimjobs and i'm wondering if he married her yet. | {
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2,006 | *As you are standing in a forest, listening to the sounds of nature, your hand starts vibrating. You feel the desire to pick up a stick. As you bend down, the stick floats, almost unnoticeably, into your hand. You hold the stick on front of you, and watch as it starts to levitate over your hands.*\n\nEDIT: Thank you the double gold, kind strangers! | {
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2,007 | damn right you are\n\nedit: ...sir. | {
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2,008 | So him fucking you over without a hint of regret doesn't strain your relationship? Or do you mean you only count strain on his part because you don't value yourself at all? | {
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2,009 | that actually ruined my sister's first marriage. her love was out of rebellion, which is why she ran away to California with a mechanic. as soon as my dad started liking the guy, she fell out of love.\n\nmy sister's a dumb bitch. her husband was cool. | {
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2,010 | "congratulations, your chances have increased to 0.001%" \n\nEdit: yes, I'm saying there's a chance | {
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2,011 | "But you said you LIKED the dancing skeleton and flame gifs!" | {
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2,012 | Nevaeh: Gonna Give you up\n | {
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2,013 | Yes, actually. He made peace with the Holy Roman Empire and spent most of his time discussing theology with other great minds of his day instead of killing people like John XII or holding orgies for his relatives like Alexander VI. | {
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2,014 | The jizz soaked sock. | {
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2,015 | This has got to be one of the best TIFUs ever posted, because it enters a realm where it doesn't matter whether the story is real or fake. I've never seen that happen before. | {
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2,016 | Pluck? That's girly.\n\nHotglue between the brows and rip it off. Then drink a pint of diesel. | {
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2,017 | Making friends is super hard. It's harder than it was dating. | {
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2,018 | No worries dude. I've only screamed at a couple myself | {
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2,019 | As a non-English speaker, what does it mean? It sounds like you thought it was!\n\nEdit: Got it, female dog wants to fuck. | {
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2,020 | "OMG BRUCE ARE YOU HAVING SEX IN HERE"\n\n\n"No were practicing our Chewbacca noises!"\n\nEdit: blaruuuuruuar! \n\nTranslation from wookie-> english: thanks for the gold kind stranger! | {
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2,021 | I hate her clothes. She should take them off.\n\nEdit: Thank you for gold and supporting Reddit. | {
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2,022 | No, the most *embarrassing* thing is selfie sticks.\n\nThe worst thing to come out of South Korea would be Starcrafters dying after 48 hours straight of gaming. | {
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2,023 | you wanna go, motherfucker?\n\nyour rhymes are making me sick\n\nyou know my fast-neutron cross section is twice the size of your dick\n\nit's *critical* that you hear the words i'm dropping on you\n\nbecause I bring the power faster than a chunk of UO2\n | {
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2,024 | You're a better man than Newt Gingrich.... | {
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2,025 | "Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one." | {
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2,026 | *Fiiine*\n\nKill the people that made The Purge, ***then*** grab a camera, make a documentary and sell it when the laws are back in place. | {
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2,027 | I WAS THE BEST DRIVER. I WILL FIGHT YOUR DRIVER TO THE DEATH.\n\nEdit: Thank you for the gold. I shall use it to purchase the finest battle accoutrements. Your sacrifice shall not be in vain. | {
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2,028 | Which will probably result in the baby doing crossfit later in life. Didn't need those brain cells anyway right? | {
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2,029 | Strange, kingdom hearts got me into call of duty and debt got me out of out edit: I'm not deleting this stupid shit, already typed it | {
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2,030 | You must have not seen a Canadian in years because the ones I meet can't help but find any reason to bring it up | {
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2,031 | Hiding in a grill has epic death written all over it. | {
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2,032 | he needed to go get the life experience it takes to become the lion king. | {
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2,033 | You went to an extreme length to get away with that! | {
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2,034 | My anaconda don't want none unless you have a high likelihood of producing healthy offspring with a minimal chance of genetic disabilities, (*edit*) hun. | {
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2,035 | I imagine he lived in a cardboard box with "hell" written on the side | {
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2,036 | yep... i saw a guy get shot down at the beach... she left crying and he just collapsed and laid there in the sand until the tide almost washed him away.... he got up and started yelling, throwing the ring in the ocean... me and my drinking buddy spent the rest of the afternoon looking for the ring with snorkels we bought from the gas station... | {
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2,037 | I tried pretending with my creditors, but they didn't buy it. | {
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2,038 | >sqrt(-1)\n\n>3x10^8 \n\n>Js^-1 \n\n>1.661x10^-27 kg\n\n>did there\n\nsqrt(-1) = **i**, imaginary \n\n3x10^8 m/s = **c**, speed of light\n\nJs^-1 = **watt**, unit for power\n\n1.661x10^-27 kg = **u**, ~~atomic unit~~ unified atomic mass unit\n\n**did there**\n\n\n\nFor anyone who was unsure.\n\n | {
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2,039 | It was a long term facility that was the best ran place of anywhere in the four states where I've worked. It was always a treat when one of the kids, all grown up, would come back to visit after becoming successful. | {
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2,040 | Found the commie. \n\nI'm Canadian, so we have this. But in the States, if you suggest any kind of social aid you're a commie, and that's all bad down there. \n\nEdit: first of all, obligatory RIP my inbox.\n\nSecondly I use the term commie in jest. I know it's not widely used anymore and that socialist is more accurate, but my first 2000+ karma comment would indicate that most know what I meant. | {
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2,041 | their research fit together really well ... like peas in a pod.\n\ni'm not sorry. | {
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2,042 | So you slept with a cute girl so she gave you cereal. I want your life | {
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2,043 | They'd all chosen the same person because they all recognized that he was the least capable, which sort of seems like a likely outcome of this strategy. | {
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2,044 | Similarly, I thought the penis was a lot lower and pointed straight down. Barbie and Ken spent a lot of time scissoring.\n\nEdit: [I illustrated some expectations.](http://imgur.com/g46mpE5) Also started on barbie and ken scissoring, but then I got lazy. | {
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2,045 | She seems (by the minute long video) pretty well adjusted despite her upbringing though. | {
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2,046 | Ahh, the ole' Five Nights at Tauntaun's. | {
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2,047 | They're almost always embarrassed. Except for one, who made me feel like I was to blame for having a tricky last name or something. How dare I be named Page? | {
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2,048 | We had that, it was called Borders. | {
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2,049 | In fact it would be a little bit frightening, were it not for your expert timing. | {
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2,050 | The problem is that they might not smell to you, who has got used to the smell, but they will to others.\n\nIt's like people who wear the same perfume every day. After a while they get used to it, so they put on more and more until it becomes overwhelming to those around them, but the person thinks it is the same. | {
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2,051 | But shit, it was 99 cents. | {
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2,052 | RE-RABLEBOWBLE FABLY (dunna dunna nuna) | {
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2,053 | Hey. Food's ready.\n\nHey. Food's ready.\n\nHey. Food's ready.\n\nHey. Food's ready.\n\nHey. Food's ready. | {
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2,054 | BEN'S HERE! Ted, come out here! Ben's here! | {
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2,055 | There are no winners in Big Brother. | {
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2,056 | >This is adorable\n\nUntil you learn the [SHOCKING TRUTH](http://i.imgur.com/VCNYl.jpg) | {
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2,057 | then you need to drink more water, dude | {
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2,058 | The sound of a million fedoras tipping in unison. | {
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2,059 | Why this baby look like it pays taxes? | {
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2,060 | That's gotta be the lamest federal crime ever. You would go to federal prison and get beat up by tax evaders. | {
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2,061 | I always put music during sex, ... it became a habit, sometimes when I have sex in a quite room it sounds so weird, we stop for a while we put music and carry on!!! | {
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2,062 | When you're cheating on your men and are too lazy to come up with a solid alibi and story.\n\n #JustGirlyThings | {
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2,063 | Nonsenses, they spent 15 billions to get ass raped by Germany. | {
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2,064 | "Nationwide, your kid just died" | {
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2,065 | Rebecca won that bet. Goddamn you, Becky. | {
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2,066 | He said Michael Bay, not M. Night Shambala \n\nEdit: Auto correct. Keeping it. | {
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2,067 | Lets just say I have a *killer* job.. | {
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2,068 | But really, why were you jerking off *with* your friend? That must be pretty awkward. I mean, friendship is magic and so forth, but still... | {
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2,069 | I don't remember seeing that scene in the originial movie, that must be in Pocahontas 2.... | {
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2,070 | They're illusions. Tricks are what whores do for money. | {
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2,071 | > Why some guys will **act** like the nicest people on earth to a woman\n\nKey word here | {
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2,072 | Dear diary,\n\nToday could have been much worse. | {
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2,073 | At the end of your life | {
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2,074 | TIL parrots have the emotional maturity of Korean heiresses. | {
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2,075 | He's going to grow up then get in an accident and go to the ICU. The family waits patiently as Ethernet is in a coma. Eventually the family approves the doctor to pull the plug and not let him suffer anymore. They wait in the hospital lobby, the doctor walks out looking gloomy. He looks at the family and quietly whispers "Ethernet has been disconnected." | {
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2,076 | god damn it who is this? Brent? only a few people i know would ask this. | {
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2,077 | If they served their time, so what? The punishment is supposed to rehabilitate. I bet there are much shittier people on that campus than the few convicted felons, perhaps one of the many predators who take advantage of drunk women. | {
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2,078 | My friend titty fucked a girl before boot camp because he sang her that song... true story | {
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2,079 | Funny story. They have cameras everywhere except for the bathroom. At first my goal was to not fap. After what I think were the first 15 days I realized this was not possible. What I forgot was that I constantly have an electrode measuring my heart rate. So yea, I fapped in the bathroom, I wasn't caught but they knew. | {
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2,080 | I'm so sorry. I'm 17 and my mum passed at 3 Nd I rarely get to see my dad due to him being in jail. (Yes. Unfortunately the 2 are related.) mum and dad were addicted to drugs and alcohol. My mum had many issues as far as her mental and physical health goes. It was bad. They fought one night. My dad killed her on accident. He then panicked and hid the body after dismembering her. He was found 3 days later by my grandpa (who raised me) he suspected he killed her and ended up calling the cops. | {
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2,081 | Copper + tin = bronze | {
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2,082 | DONE. DONE.\n\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold! (: | {
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2,083 | Give them a math test anyway. | {
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2,084 | You just made a ghost's day | {
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2,085 | That's just like how my dad says 'you embarrass me' instead of 'I love you' | {
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2,086 | \n>documentary\n\n | {
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2,087 | I did this for my recently car, had 3 dealerships outbidding each other. I ended up pissing off all 3, and really pissing off the one I bought it from because I talked the sales guy into putting a spoiler on for free at the end. I got a call from the manager a few days later saying they couldnt do that because it would end up costing them money on the sale so I told them to keep the car (they had already put the spoiler on). Yeah he was bluffing.\n | {
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2,088 | Look. Look with your special eyes. | {
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2,089 | Not if you live in England. | {
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2,090 | You're just fantastic | {
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2,091 | YOU ASSHOLE! YOU RUINED IT FOR OP!\n\nEdit: new personal best yay!\n\nEdit edit: Oh shit nevermind. | {
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2,092 | Probably landing the first 900. It marked the end of 20+ years of competing, and opened up new doors of opportunity to keep skating and promoting skateboarding in general. | {
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2,093 | "You're going to need a bigger scrote." | {
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2,094 | I'm a white people. A few years back I was having lunch with some friends at a new Thai restaurant. The waitress asked me the level of hotness I'd like for my curry. I told her that I liked it hot and would try a four (out of a 1-5 scale). She looked at me for a couple of seconds and said, "You will have a two." The two was pretty damn hot and I couldn't have handled it any higher. I tipped her well. | {
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2,095 | Does she like pina coladas? | {
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2,096 | /r/unexpectedthuglife/ | {
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2,097 | I got gold and only one upvote, simply for reminding someone it was Saturday and not Sunday. | {
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2,098 | This one.. I need a break after this one. | {
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2,099 | Assertion of dominance | {
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Subsets and Splits