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1,900 | He was coming as he was going. | {
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1,901 | "Dispatch come in, this is officer 420, I've stopped an overcrowded vehicle on the highway, driver is a white male, passengers appear to be both white and black at the same time, please advise- I don't know whether to let them go or shoot them" | {
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1,902 | **SCHLOOORRP SCHLOP SCHLOOORRP SCKLAAAP SCHLOOOOP**\n\n\n>Edit - Whoever just gave me gold, thank you. | {
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1,903 | I don't like when people comment on my lunch EVER. \n\n"Just a Cliff Bar?!?! Watching your weight?"\n\n"Ooohhh! Chicken Wings?! Looks like you aren't counting calories anymore!!"\n\nI eat what I want. Please leave me alone. | {
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1,904 | The fuck kind of wedding is this? | {
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1,905 | In fairness, the front-page content in that sub reads like Jayden Smith's twitter stream. This is their top post right now: http://i.imgur.com/dqkgUe8.jpg | {
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1,906 | she's not coming. Let it go | {
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1,907 | It's not true. You won't be able to afford the hospital bill either. You'll just die sooner. | {
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1,908 | > to interest (brother)\n\nThis cracked me up. | {
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1,909 | *deletes browser* \n\n*changes desktop background to a grassy field*\n\n*creates new user account*\n\n*smashes computer to bits* \n\n"Sorry, it's broken."\n\nEdit: Jeezey Pazeezy, thanks for the gold! | {
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1,910 | An entire class coming with watermelon lollipops covered in delicious spicy lucas? You can't explain that. \n\n | {
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1,911 | http://i.imgur.com/VNjDA.jpg | {
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1,912 | It's all you've ever got. | {
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1,913 | This is honestly one of the weirdest things I've read on this website. | {
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1,914 | I'm just convinced he's secretly Frozone. | {
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1,915 | Best (legitimate) idea here. I'd take it a step further, throw people off by buying a plane ticket with an obvious paper trail. | {
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1,916 | She made a smiley face with a nose. Granny status checks out. | {
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1,917 | Anyone else feel like /u/_vargas_ is that nutty drunk uncle rambling at every party? | {
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1,918 | Nah Kanye is going to have three other children, South, East, and West. Then the four children will morph together forming Compass West, marking the beginning of the end of days. | {
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1,919 | You have a good vocabulary for a 2nd-grader. | {
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1,920 | Just boobs? JUST BOOBS??? | {
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1,921 | "I promise to keep having sex with her... But I'd also like to grab a meal or something in between these sexcapades." | {
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1,922 | Honestly I'm down with paying for stamps. Did you ever consider the fact that the behemoth that is the postal service, with literal planes and trains and automobiles moving literally everything around the world, employing multitudes of people, is funded by fucking *stamps?* If a few cents for a stamp is all I have to pay to keep that thing running that's okay with me. | {
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1,923 | One more important factor. Poop. Are you just going to leave little poop trails in your wake?\n\n*Edit*: Okay, I get that many of you can go 24 hours without pooping. I just have a fickle anus ok? | {
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1,924 | It's as if a million facts cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced\n\nEdit: thanks for the gold, stranger! | {
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1,925 | Your response is definitely part of patriarchy. | {
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1,926 | Not anymore. Knowing my children are able to handle themselves, I'm ready to face it. | {
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1,927 | Ok fuck this thread, I'm done. | {
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1,928 | Benjamin Franklin 1706-1790\n\nWolfgang Mozart 1756-1791 | {
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1,929 | shit... op delivered | {
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1,930 | Watching and listening to people in power who believe they know what they are talking about but do not. | {
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1,931 | It's all fun and games until little Johnny loses his little Johnny. | {
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1,932 | Husband runs a pizza/Italian restaurant. I asked one time if it would look weird if I ordered a bunch of food from somewhere for delivery when I am clearly alone. He said it happens all the time and the drivers don't even think twice about it. No need to feel any shame. | {
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1,933 | Why? He said there would be free lines for everyone! | {
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1,934 | "She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... Except of course Elizabeth who is, in fact, a woman." | {
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1,935 | Once my SO spooned me. And then jokingly started thrusting. \n\nMe: oh... that's weird.\n\nHer: haha sorry\n\nMe: well... I didn't say stop. I said weird. Not bad. | {
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1,936 | Everyone send dick picks to Zack. | {
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1,937 | and the cable guy. DONT FORGET THE CABLE GUY!!! | {
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1,938 | She left her entire shavings to the hairdresser and others\n\nEdit:Aaaaaand my highest rated comment is a pretty bad pun | {
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1,939 | This guy does not fuck around with his answers. | {
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1,940 | I dated a guy who was a musician/music snob. He put on a record to set the mood, but our hookup escalated quicker than either of us expected and he ended up cumming about 1 minute into the first track. It was kind of awkward, considering how long he took to pick out the perfect soundtrack. | {
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1,941 | And a handsomish one at that. | {
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1,942 | Dogs know this feeling best | {
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1,943 | How can you be sure? Maybe he's just wearing another guy's face?\n\nEdit: My highest comment ever is now a Face/Off joke. I have to make this edit to stop people from replying with variations on the name of the movie. And here's a shout out to the [One True God](https://www.reddit.com/r/onetruegod) who may actually be [pictured above.](http://i.imgur.com/le7AJdK.jpg "Nic Cage") | {
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1,944 | 10/10 would bro again | {
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1,945 | I'd spread my cheeks apart and expose my asshole. | {
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1,946 | That's fuckin golden. | {
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1,947 | Oh fuck that. It is not my job to lie to your children. | {
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1,948 | That was a roller coaster | {
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1,949 | I was thinking Down Syndrome Legolas, but OK. | {
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1,950 | And this is exactly why I slash all of my interviewer's tires the night before I go in. | {
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1,951 | Cheer up! You could both die simultaneously in a car crash or airliner explosion. | {
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1,952 | The original question is about a stereotype that isn't universally true, so he answered with a stereotype that isn't universally true. I'd say it's a valid answer to a flawed question. | {
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1,953 | This is one of the names suggested to my English teacher when she was pregnant. Her last name was Power. Other suggestions included Max, Ultimate, Super, and Full. I think she went with Jackson. What a waste. | {
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1,954 | This was a school, not some super max prison right? | {
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1,955 | > guys \n \ntrigger warning please next time. k thnx. | {
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1,956 | >drive through bottle shop\n\nI see no way this can go wrong.\n\nEdit: Apparently they have these in America too. I'm in the middle of PA, and pennsylvania still thinks the prohibition is in effect. I want out please save me.\n\nEdit2: Apprently _western_ PA has these too. What the fuck is going on here. | {
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1,957 | **Are you wearing a scarf?** No Mum, It'll be fine. **you don't want to catch a cold** Seriously Mum it's fine. **Take this scarf, I'm not going to look after you if you get ill** I won't get... **Take the scarf it's getting chilly** FINE, I'LL TAKE THE SCARF. **good boy! Have you got a hat?** FFS PASS THE HAT. *sulks off into the distance*\n\nEdit: Thanks for the Gold, my mum would be proud | {
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1,958 | Released them back into the wild | {
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1,959 | No fucking wonder. Fuck this 'Dr. Money'. | {
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1,960 | Excellent play-by-play. I love how, in the panic, he didn't have time to properly spell "throw" in his mind.\n\nEdit: thank you for the kind gift of gold, stranger | {
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1,961 | If I put some of Shaq's lotion on, I could probably get in. - Chuck | {
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1,962 | Could you not take the tow company to small claims court to get your towing fees back? | {
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1,963 | You can still do that! | {
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1,964 | It's not a kids bible, it's a book intended to show how WTF the bible really is. | {
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1,965 | How I Meta Your Mother? | {
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1,966 | Me too :( Wait, what thread is this? Shit. | {
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1,967 | I'll always remember reading a review for it that said if you're suicidal and looking for a reason to do it, watch Dragonball Evolution. | {
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1,968 | No wait, I didn't read the question properly!!!!!! \n \nThank you very much for the gold on my above comment. | {
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1,969 | not at all because i'm korean! \n\nin the same way, it's kind of hard to eat scrambled eggs for breakfast. | {
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1,970 | Donald doesn't know this (WEED), but those characters are all owned by Disney who produced the show. We can never do anything independently with JD/Turk or Acula without the mouse. | {
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1,971 | Bruce Vilanch is hiding under my desk right now. Unfortunately he's not writing jokes for me, if you know what I mean. | {
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1,972 | Khaleesi! WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS? | {
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1,973 | "I came in through the window."\n\n\n"We're on the twelfth floor!"\n\n\n"... I really need a job..." | {
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1,974 | We sell wings by 9s. "Can I get 9 wings, half of them BBQ?". | {
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1,975 | As a black man named Tyrone, I laughed pretty damn hard.\n\nAlso, Im not black and my name is Nick. | {
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1,976 | I want to know my kid will have perfect IV's and the best nature before I breed. | {
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1,977 | lik dis if u cry evritim! | {
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1,978 | You let them bite?!\n\nDidn't you listen to your parents? "Don't let the bedbugs bite". It's not that hard. | {
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1,979 | "Yes, this is the crisis center hotline."\n\nwimper "Hello. Yes, this is dog..."\n | {
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1,980 | *I have a dream that my little light bulbs will one day live in a neighborhood where they will not be judged by the color of their glass, but by the brightness of their filament* | {
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1,981 | have an upvote for that tl;dr | {
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1,982 | That gives me a justice boner. | {
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1,983 | Is this thing a terminator? It seems unkillable.... | {
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1,984 | I'm in, just don't hurt me | {
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1,985 | ***holy fucking shit betty white is still alive*** | {
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1,986 | **Achievement Unlocked: Staring death in the face**\n\nLooked right into the eyes of the man who will eventually murder you. | {
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1,987 | What would you do... If they rebel?\n\nI would...\n\nUnionize them. | {
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1,988 | Because I didn't know what a gorilla vagina looked like and I don't like not knowing things. | {
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1,989 | No need for clarification. Frankenstein is always the Doctor. The monster is Frankenstein's Monster | {
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1,990 | http://imgur.com/rA6gwCg | {
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1,991 | Unless you're in incognito mode and you just accidentally x-ed out of the video you wanted to finish to and now you can't find it because it was one of 24 tabs you had open and you don't remember the site or the name of the video and now your pissed off and losing your erection and have to start all over. | {
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1,992 | Yeah libraries!!!\n \n \nEdit : wow this is my highest comment ever. Lol awesome! | {
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1,993 | It doesn't fit the Western news narrative. | {
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1,994 | "my nephews would like to meet you."\n\n"OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" | {
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1,995 | Scandinavia is too good, it's not fair on the rest of us. The Nicolas Angel of Europe | {
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1,996 | Well, oddly enough my mom's family's name is Wilson, so technically yes because my uncle is Chris Wilson. | {
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1,997 | "OW!"\n\n"Put it under cold water."\n\n"Oh my hero!" | {
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1,998 | They won't need to. They'll just go out and paint all their rocks red and tell their people that dear leader brought everyone to Mars in their sleep last night. | {
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1,999 | You're absolutely right, but for people who are significantly overweight a sudden regime of less food, healthier food, and regular exercise is a huge lifestyle change. \n\nChoosing only to limit calories will get rid of weight fast. After loosing most of the weight, it's easier to then add in exercise and healthier food choices.\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold!! | {
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Subsets and Splits