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1,700 | > About 1/3 really nice outfits. About 2/3 legendary raid gear sets\n\nFTFY | {
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1,701 | 1. Wait in room for 24 hours\n\n2. Collect 1 million for being in the room for 24 hours\n\n3. Leave room\n\n4. Collect 2 million for leaving the room | {
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1,702 | Upvote for use of protractor | {
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1,703 | Because I had a 15 year old son and made sure he had easy access to them if he needed them, without being too obvious. | {
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1,704 | =if(OP=monster,1,2)\n\n*1* | {
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1,705 | Whenever you don't feel like helping them just tell them that the TV needs time to rest. | {
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1,706 | sorry, I don't mean to be *that guy* but, for fun I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home | {
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1,707 | I fully approve. He *is* smart, but he also comes off almost completely insufferable on Twitter. | {
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1,708 | *"I PLAN TO ARRIVE IN THE NEXT FEW SECONDS M'LADY"* | {
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1,709 | Key & Peele - Office Homophobe: http://youtu.be/e3h6es6zh1c | {
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1,710 | Boy do I have news for you. | {
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1,711 | This would have ruined me as a kid. I was far, far too literal and believed everything my parents told me. My dad once told me that snapping turtles will bite you and "won't let go until the sun goes down." I spent years wondering why the sun going down would make them release, but I believed it. | {
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1,712 | wow, that socks dude... | {
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1,713 | Jesus. That's like Walmart advertising "now with less child labor!" | {
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1,714 | Comedian: "…the first time I ever had sex…"\n\nHeckler: "Yesterday?" \n\n*Crowd Laughs*\n\nComedian: "Glad you remember" | {
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1,715 | Is it weird that I actually like going to the movies by myself? | {
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1,716 | All of that surgery in someone that old, could certainly result in her death. That would open the woman up to manslaughter charges. Hope the parking space was worth it. | {
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1,717 | That's fucking adorable. | {
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1,718 | Violets are blue.\n\nI've made a poem\n\nWith Lots42. | {
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1,719 | It's whatever you want. Just sign on the dotted line. | {
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1,720 | The weirdest thing about it is that he actually survived. | {
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1,721 | Perfect for when a full screen app shits the bed and you need to quickly put it out of its misery. | {
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1,722 | ...what the hell?\n\n^^*you* ^^*bastard* | {
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1,723 | "Hey babe, do you want chicken or beef for dinner tonight?"\n\n\n"I saw seventeen children and one alpaca die this morning in the ER. There was blood everywhere. The world is changed. I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it."\n\n\n"...okay, chicken it is." | {
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1,724 | It's up to us to make the story viral. | {
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1,725 | I found it funny thinking about how land mines would solve the problem, then saw it was lines. | {
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1,726 | WWIII is a strange name for a child | {
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1,727 | Well, even if you fuck up I might never know. | {
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1,728 | My tombstone will be:\n\n *He was taken too late* | {
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1,729 | But you are the perfect height for hugs ;) | {
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1,730 | Somebody get this guy to NASA. | {
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1,731 | One of many big holes in that movie... | {
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1,732 | Yes and yes they survived. Not often though, not often. | {
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1,733 | "Well you know the **really** weird stuff? Yeah, **Weirder** stuff."\n\n\n*Edit* Fantastic, my top scoring comment is now about weird porn stuff... | {
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1,734 | $38,880,000,000 Might be the best one so far in the thread as far as monetary gain goes. \n | {
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1,735 | You can dunk the belt in the toilet. | {
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1,736 | It's crazy how he has such great hand-eye coordination, but it looks like he has never walked or jumped before in his life. | {
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1,737 | I'm sorry if I was unclear; I tend to get carried off on tangents.\n\nThe hailstone simply forms *around* the frog as it's in the air, causing it to fall out of the cloud. It's essentially the same way normal hail forms. | {
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1,738 | My boyfriend and I are both mechanical engineers. I like to tease him that he picked me by default because I was the only girl in the class. | {
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1,739 | Hitting a little too close to home here. | {
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1,740 | You desperate lunatic... Nobody does that.\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold, somebody! | {
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1,741 | He already sounds like a fucking top notch cunt. Get that fucker a beer. | {
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1,742 | Didn't say you actually have to dive into it, just that you have to be able to survive doing so. | {
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1,743 | You're a good person Bach | {
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1,744 | > ... my uncle has a lot of handicapped friends who are into extreme sports.\n\nThis is a very interesting sentence.\n\nEDIT: You gilded THIS comment instead of the one who said it? For shame, gilder! ^^^Also, ^^^thanks! ^^^:D | {
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1,745 | So country in fact that I honestly have no idea what a "skid loader rodeo" is. Nothing in that story made sense to me besides the crap talking. \n\nEDIT: Of all the things I've ever said and commented on I cannot belive this gave me gold. Thank you to the gold giver. :) Made my day (two days after my birthday!) | {
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1,746 | About a year ago I saw you spreading this on reddit and decided that I should prank you someday. So I did.\n\nhttp://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/904he/why_you_dont_want_to_get_recognized_on_reddit/c0azu6n\n\nFor the past two weeks I've been stalking you on reddit and waiting for a comment or a submission that I could reply to with having a pregnant. I'm sorry that your plan isn't actually working (yet). Maybe I should help you spread the meme to make up for any false hopes I raised. | {
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1,747 | YOU WHITE! YOU BEN AFFLECK! | {
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1,748 | This call may be recorded for quality assurance porpoises.\n\nEdit: Thanks for popping my gold cherry! This dolphinitely made my day. | {
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1,749 | A very empirical, rational, and gay response. | {
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1,750 | One man, Roy Sullivan, was struck 7 times in his lifetime. Thor clearly hated him. | {
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1,751 | Word of advice: Don't even glance at Youtube comments. Ever.\n\nEDIT: Thanks for the gold, stranger! | {
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1,752 | Well it's a temperamental, territorial, flesh-tank, similar to OP's mom | {
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1,753 | I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING SAMURAI ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLAIN | {
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1,754 | Baby horses are foals. IIRC, to be a pony, a horse has to be less than 58 inches at the shoulder blade. | {
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1,755 | Your friends are assholes. | {
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1,756 | you're fucking crazy man | {
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1,757 | "Honey, please stop pleading with the mirror for your life!"\n | {
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1,758 | "We'll tell him we're frightened and we have to go home" is the most underrated Seinfeld line for me. I love that episode. | {
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1,759 | It stops when you orgasm, not 30 seconds after. | {
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1,760 | I kind of feel bad for her. I mean sure she was asking for attention by saying that, but she in no way deserved to have someone just take off her clothes in front of everyone :( | {
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1,761 | The president must be so nervous right now...he just got a comment from shitty_watercolour. | {
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1,762 | This is reddit. You all pulled this off by becoming the front page of the internet.\n\nedit: I'm also hoping the administration was so responsive because secretly they're all redditors. | {
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1,763 | >window shelf thing\n\n[window sill] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Window_sill) | {
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1,764 | Whenever someone cuts in front of me in a queue I always say "There is a line" and they always act surprised as if they didn't notice. I then follow up with "Now that you know there is a line why are you still standing in front of me?". They always need that extra prod. Pricks. \n \n I have learned to embrace confrontation in my middle age. Younger me would have been too self conscious to make a scene. Some aspects of growing older are pretty good. | {
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1,765 | As a drummer for 21 years, I would like to extend some appreciation to you and all other bass players for holdin it down and keeping my groove in that fat, fat pocket. | {
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1,766 | That first sentence made me so nervous. | {
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1,767 | It doesn't just come in cans.\n\nIt comes in *Ameri*cans. | {
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1,768 | This is the most country thing I've ever read.\n\nEDIT: wow. it really is the throwaways that catapult themselves to the top of your comment list. | {
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1,769 | You're welcome.\n\nWait what? | {
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1,770 | Seriously that was some James Bond badassery. | {
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1,771 | Ah. In that case, no worries. They probably had no idea what the noises were. | {
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1,772 | The key to being a slacker is not to do no work, it's to get good at doing your work as quickly and efficiently as possible - but telling no-one so they don't give you extra work. \n\nEdit: Well this blew up. Glad to see so many smart slackers out there. Here's to us! And thanks for the gold, beautiful stranger. | {
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1,773 | If you think I havent listened to Mambo No. 5 in the last five years you are sorely, SORELY mistaken my friend. | {
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1,774 | You'll cop a good tutting if you cut the queue. | {
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1,775 | Is your significant otter playful when wet? | {
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1,776 | The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist \n\nBest line ever | {
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1,777 | this is probably the worst one out of all them on here, I hope you get murdered. | {
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1,778 | Strange name for a pet. | {
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1,779 | BUT WHAT IF THE CAN OPENER IS IN A CAN HUH? | {
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1,780 | Well fuck.\n\n -NASA | {
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1,781 | ***TWIST AND SHOUT!!!***\n\nOh God. | {
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1,782 | Or exactly the speed of a burrito fired out of a burrito gun. Try to be precise, please. | {
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1,783 | Bob wehadababyitsaboy | {
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1,784 | Hey, FBI? \^---- this guy | {
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1,785 | Your friends' boss is A POS | {
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1,786 | "Hey honey... sorry I had another dick in me all weekend, but I'll totally let you fuck me tonight."\n\nSex is currency for this woman. | {
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1,787 | I have been known to make it rain in vegas once or twice. | {
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1,788 | Until then, I'll be confined to giving upvotes hoping for another piece of your genius.. | {
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1,789 | Where are you from? I'll make out with you. | {
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1,790 | That's a bit like asking 'how do fish get into the Atlantic?' isn't it? Either they're born there or they migrate to it, depending on the species of frog and the time of year. I won't bore you with the details. | {
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1,791 | Nope. Second worst.\n\nI'm an emt, ran on a call where a guy was about to take a bath he turned the hot water on and before turning on the cold went into status epilepticus the water burned over 80% of his body including the "all important 1%" \n\nDude had to be lifeflighted to a burn unit in galveston, he lived but his life will never be the same. | {
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1,792 | To look like some kind of creepy, Nosferatu-like monster? (as a guy, I've always kinda wanted to get them, then walk around with dinosaur hands all day).\n\nEither that, or just to show off how useless and pampered you are. | {
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1,793 | You should put all your weight on just one finger to reduce the number of fingers affected by arthritis. | {
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1,794 | I was moved around every couple of months. One time they took me outside, knelt me down, put a gun to my head and pulls the trigger. At the same time they fired another gun off behind my back. I thought I was dead. | {
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1,795 | /r/atheism is populated by people who have recently abandoned Christianity or their Christian upbringing. Often, new adopters of a certain ideology/belief system are the most vocal and annoying. | {
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1,796 | I know! I dread the day I ask him for his blessing in marrying his daughter. She wont get married without it and I think he knows that. He would give me the blessing, but not before fucking with me.\n\nedit: No, her father does not want to fuck me. At least I hope not. Dad dicks are huge. | {
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} |
1,797 | ^^^^^^why ^^^^^^did ^^^^^^i ^^^^^^think ^^^^^^of ^^^^^^slaves | {
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1,798 | *petting intensifies* | {
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} |
1,799 | Me too. I can't believe her oldest client was a baby. | {
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Subsets and Splits