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1,600 | _\n _ ,-. / )\n ( `. / -._/ /\n `\ \ / /\n ; `-` /\n | /\n \ /\n ) /`\n / /` | {
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1,601 | http://imgur.com/a/y4I8m | {
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1,602 | Not in a BMW, you aren't. | {
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1,603 | What does Marsellus Wallace look like?\n\nMeep?\n\nWHAT COUNTRY YOU FROM?\n\nMeep?\n\nMEEP AIN'T NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF. THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN MEEP?\n\nMeep?\n\nENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT? | {
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1,604 | Where did you learn about the second law of thermodynamics?\n\nIn a physics text book.\n\nIn the Matrix. | {
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1,605 | It's Putin, it's Putin in Ukraine-kraine-kraine-kraine-kraine-kraine-kraine-kraine... | {
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1,606 | This line always makes me think of the Joker's cunning and ruthlessness in the Dark Knight.\n\n"He's out, right?"\n\n*nods* | {
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1,607 | I kinda just imagine you moving your head up and down and then saying: .... nicee :).\n\nsorry. | {
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1,608 | The world changes drastically post orgasm | {
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1,609 | i'm gonna steal this comment and make a front page post out of it, just FYI. | {
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1,610 | Damn dude, sounds like you should end this relationship. | {
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1,611 | You know it's bad when someone's business is sex and they have to get hammered first. | {
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1,612 | pushing a hoop with a stick down a dirt road | {
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1,613 | I have a friend whose little brother is named seven. It got weird when he turned eight. | {
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1,614 | Throw apeshit. Got it. | {
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1,615 | He flew a little too close to the sun that fateful night. Poor, poor Icarus | {
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1,616 | Thats childs play. You:\n\n1.seduce the neighbor\n\n2 have them move in \n\n3 have a baby\n\n4 neglect the baby so the social worker comes to take it\n\n5 turn on the move all objects cheat\n\n6 pickup social worker once she grabs the baby\n\n7 put her in the pool so she is swimming with the baby\n\n8 pick her back up and put her on the side walk\n\n9 watch her swim through the sidewalk with your baby never to be seen again. | {
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1,617 | The fact that grandma baked racoon cornbread didn't do it for you?\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger. | {
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1,618 | Ya, I already had this guy tagged in bright red as "dude is into some weird shit". He lived up to it here. | {
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1,619 | The amount of 'Merica in your post just made a bald eagle shed a single tear. | {
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1,620 | How come you never see old people with neck tattoos?\n\nBecause people with neck tattoos don't make good decisions. | {
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1,621 | Dad jokes from beyond the grave. | {
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1,622 | if you pay attention to the commercials, you'll notice that they never claim the product does anything. | {
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1,623 | http://i.imgur.com/j8E5f.jpg\n\nEdit: I'm glad people got a kick out of this. Made it minutes before work. Ms. Stoya's a sweet lady and a good sport. Here's one with the mark fixed: http://i.imgur.com/qzdpC.jpg | {
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1,624 | You said AMA. That means "Ask Me Anything." Not "Ask Me Anything with regards to this movie I'm pushing." | {
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1,625 | I am an atheist and it offends me, because I went to school for graphic design and the color pallet is horrid. | {
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1,626 | *thunderous* is the word you're looking for. | {
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1,627 | Elon Musk just tweeted "Next rocket landing on drone ship in 2 to 3 weeks w way more hydraulic fluid. At least it shd explode for a diff reason."\n\nI think "at least it should explode for a different reason" is a fantastic way to refer to a rocket's failure. | {
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1,628 | Or creepy. Depends on whether OP is attractive or not! | {
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1,629 | Which is about $276,000,000 in American currency\n\nEdit: Proof-\nhttp://imgur.com/etuyuej\nThe $100 trillion Zimbabwean Dollar bills you guys have are worthless basically, Zimbabwe effectively rebooted their currency. | {
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1,630 | Before your death, are you going to make your last words, FOOLED YOU? | {
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1,631 | £ = Pound\n\n#*#* = Hash\n\nThe only country to call it a pound symbol is the US. Everywhere else it means the British Currency. Or a unit of weight. | {
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1,632 | "Uhhh...I'm a security expert. I just wanted to prove that your office is lacking in critical security infrastructure. Any corporate spy could've waltzed right in here, accessed your private data, and sabotaged your network. Hire me at $90k per year and I will ensure that what I just did will never happen again." | {
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1,633 | Nemo put on the wig again \n\nBut da-\n\nDID I FUCKIN STUTTER | {
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1,634 | I did a similar thing but I took it even farther! \nSo basically I failed out of school and got in a ton of trouble! Hahaha it was great \n\nEdit:HOLY SHIT GILD!!! I once did a survey and got it so I like master bated I guess BUT NOW YOU POPPED MY BOUGHT GILD CHERRY!!! \n\nEdit2; I screen shorted the notice of receiving gild and put it on tinder so If I have a child with someone from tinder I owe all of you that child! | {
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1,635 | Fellow former Hooter Girl here! The regulars always made me a little sad, you almost feel guilty because you know some of those lonely old men are on a very limited income and really can't afford those big tips.\nThe uniform inspection was the worst!! We had one creepy manager who made us stand up on a chair and twirl... He also quite regularly smacked my ass. I was not sad to see him go! | {
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1,636 | Why the fuck does anyone still live in Gotham. | {
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1,637 | If JJ Abrams screws up Episode VII, I will refer to him as Jar Jar Abrams for the rest of my life | {
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1,638 | *STUCKING INTENSIFIES* | {
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1,639 | I just want to move out so that I can have sex with my girlfriend whenever I want. | {
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1,640 | Here in Kentucky we use warsh-cloths. | {
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1,641 | $2 IIRC but I think most of the economy was based on bartering. People would trade using these little sour candies that were really popular at the time, baseball cards, stickers, etc. | {
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1,642 | OH are you Warlizard from blah blah... there, that's out of the way.\n\nThat's some damn fine research and citations. There's a lot of opinions about what this guy "should have" done or "could have" done, so it's nice to see some facts. | {
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1,643 | I would ask my grandad for a quarter. Then he'd be all, "Oh Cunty, you know you're my favorite grandchild. Here, have a whole dollar."\n\nThen I'd be able to buy a bazillion bitcoin that would be worth $30,534,304 today. \n\nThe math is totally right, don't bother checking it. | {
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1,644 | M'um\n\nEdit: Obligatory thanks for the gold!\n\n[M'redditor](http://i.imgur.com/K9pqJji.jpg) | {
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1,645 | Oh completely.\n\nHey donate us $10M and we'll give you back $9M laundered tax free. Beats giving 35% to the government. | {
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1,646 | The coke can on my desk is Rexam, and somehow that made me feel like a loser just for drinking it. | {
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1,647 | I'm not crying, it's just dusty in here. | {
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1,648 | The Gift of Fear (a book you should check out), your grandma picked up on tiny, tiny cues that something was out of the ordinary, she probably didn't consciously notice anything out of the ordinary, but humans are damn good at spotting patterns and whenever something is abnormal.\n\nHad your grandma not listened to her instincts and thought she was just being paranoid things would have turned out way worse. | {
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1,649 | Staring academy award winner, Jaden Smith... | {
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1,650 | Plan of the century here folks:\nHit him until he goes down.\n\nGood job on the fight btw,I got such an awkward feeling watching that idiot lean into you like that. | {
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1,651 | There's nothing like seeing three grown ass working men channel their inner child | {
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1,652 | The problem of a lack of foresight in family planning wouldn't even exist. Damn, we'd all be eugenics proponents. | {
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1,653 | Maybe a coincidence, but there's always the chance that this redditor has been stalking you for years and waiting for the opportunity to do something like that.\n\nYou know, just a chance. | {
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1,654 | HE DID IT! CONGRATS OP!!!! DON'T FUCK UP! | {
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1,655 | Spotify's commercials are the worst. 90% of the time it's O'Reily's goddamn auto parts. | {
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1,656 | "You know who's just like Terry Crews? Terry Crews." | {
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1,657 | /u/LackLustreSurvivor also shed his reptilian skin, but that's not relevant. | {
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1,658 | I opened that on my phone and it PAUSED MY MUSIC. \n\nYou animal. | {
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1,659 | What are they gonna do? Tell their parents? | {
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1,660 | A penny, and a 1972 dime with a Roosevelt imperfection. | {
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1,661 | Ok, I will create a GUI in Visual Basic and trace their IPs. | {
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1,662 | "I saved your life, and then I saved your job, both without you realizing either one of them was in danger. You're welcome." | {
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1,663 | In Soviet Russia, bus misses *you*! | {
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1,664 | "I am sorry I defaced your daughter." | {
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1,665 | When I was a toddler I had older kid neighbors. Once they "raced" me around the block and let me get a huuuuge head start. Basically, they never even ran, they tricked me into running around the block by myself. I was beyond shocked when they "beat" me! I swear it took me until I was in my late teens to solve that mystery. And I'd been telling that story for years "how did those kids beat me?" Uhhhhh | {
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1,666 | The invention of the shovel was truly groundbreaking | {
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1,667 | POWs are defined as persons acting on behalf of a nation-state. ISIL/ISIS/IS is not a nation-state, therefore the Geneva convention doesn't apply to them. | {
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1,668 | Screw tact...I think in this case you are perfectly fine telling the guy those cups are disgusting and you are not drinking from a cup that a dog licked | {
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1,669 | You sly dog, you got me monologuing! I can't believe it | {
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1,670 | I remember that!\n\nIt's weird because it's a weird thing to remember, and I never remember anything | {
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1,671 | well when a man loves 148 women very much, and lives in the middle East, he marries all of them and has 800 children. | {
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1,672 | Wow, he lasted less than two hours. | {
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1,673 | "I'm going to hold my breath until you let me fuck that goat!" | {
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1,674 | He never said it was perfect | {
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1,675 | no wonder that man's kid is so brilliant | {
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1,676 | I hired Lee Cheng for my divorce, and I got to keep 3 kids. \n\nMy ex wife and I didn't even have any kids. \n\nHe's THAT good. | {
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1,677 | It was #2 on front page 7 minutes after the upload. I am at the point where I don't even care anymore if it's fake or not | {
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1,678 | Gotta say I read a similar joke on Reddit the last time Anonymous hacked ISIS a while back, so I can't claim it as mine. But the timing seemed right. | {
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1,679 | My best buds are different to your best buds, as I smoke my best buds. | {
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1,680 | He's a Redditor already. | {
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1,681 | I think she'll settle for a D\n | {
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1,682 | She has been practicing all her life for you, OP. | {
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1,683 | Reddit went down for like 5 minutes. | {
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1,684 | Which one of them was so boring they wanted to go to jury duty\n\nEdit: My first ever Reddit gold! Thanks stranger! | {
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1,685 | TIL a combover and a suit is a unique style that can never be copied. | {
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1,686 | I like your enthusiasm for the joke. | {
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1,687 | You guys are making me feel very dateable. Thanks. | {
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1,688 | /r/atheism would brigade the thread and down vote it. | {
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1,689 | http://imgur.com/pyLZ2 | {
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1,690 | Uhhh...are you in the right thread? | {
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1,691 | Plumber here it's rice. People think they can put anything down their garburator but the drains can't handle lots of things. | {
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1,692 | He's just trying to join the 1% battery club. | {
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1,693 | I believe that is is better stated as:\n\nFlorida is unique in that the average person is born poor and Hispanic and dies rich and Jewish. \n\nEdit: This is now my top comment ever, but falls solidly into the bottom quartile for effort. Reddit is confusing. | {
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1,694 | > I AM ONLY 12 BUT I LIKE MORE TO LISTEN TO (insert old musician) THAN THOSE SHITS LIKE (insert crappy artists here). SRSLY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS GENERATION | {
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1,695 | I can imagine how fucked up you would make yourself seem having a casual conversation with someone at a party.\n\n"So what do you do for a living?"\n\n"I kill people."\n\n"..😐" *walks away*\n\n"Wait! But they deserved it!" | {
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1,696 | Uhhh, dude, that was a blank recording. | {
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1,697 | In Denmark there is a law that states that you are not allowed to profit off of somebody else's nudity. Therefore you can become a prostitute but it is illegal to become a pimp. | {
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1,698 | At least you made the wedding memorable. | {
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1,699 | "I just found the secret that unlocks the bonus levels" has evolved to "I just bought $30 of DLC!" | {
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Subsets and Splits