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1,400 | Thank you, come again. | {
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1,401 | Your coach's response is awesome. | {
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1,402 | I have Florida plates and I couldn't even read your comment. | {
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1,403 | Dad of triplets - Yeah. What you said. | {
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1,404 | Before that, every time you wanted a sandwich you would have to eat a whole loaf of bread. | {
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1,405 | I think this is the saddest one. I will probably be thinking about this for the rest of the day. Fuck you and your sad stories about dogs. | {
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1,406 | I dislike "ironic" comments that comment the exact thing OP hates. | {
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1,407 | worst superpower ever | {
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1,408 | I'd imagine they split the rent with the 100 laughing strangers who always seem to be off camera | {
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1,409 | Some day he's still cleamimg dishes to this day. \n\nEdit: whoops. lol \n\nAnd thanks for that delicious gold! | {
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1,410 | Or at the very least whipe the seat if you do piss on it! | {
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1,411 | Push me \nand then just touch me \ntil I can get my \nsatisfaction | {
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1,412 | This is why prison is not appropriate for minor crimes. The people who should be locked up are the kinds of people who rape old women and pour bleach down their throats, not people who missed a child support payment or got caught with a joint. Locking people up for stupid reasons just lets the people who deserve to be locked up get out earlier. Not to mention the tax burden of locking all these people up. The system is crazy.\n\nEdit: Thanks for the gold! | {
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1,413 | I used to have two kidneys, but I grew up now I just have two adultneys. =(\n\nEdit: I submitted this thinking it was clever, now I am looking at it thinking how stupid it is. Instead of deleting it out of shame, i'm going to leave it up and see what happens. | {
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1,414 | "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" | {
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1,415 | One spoke his dream and I guess the other wrote it. | {
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1,416 | http://i.imgur.com/vyFpLc7.gif | {
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1,417 | Did she answer it or just keep sucking? | {
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1,418 | "I manage"\n\nWhiteness confirmed.\n\nEdit: Thanks to *The Man* who gave me gold. | {
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1,419 | Teenagers.\n\nTeenagers.\n\nMen in their mid twenties. | {
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1,420 | Least he could do after getting you pregnant. | {
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1,421 | You might want to walk a lap around the block before you go in the corner store to buy some juice and snacks because they are going to 100% know you are high. | {
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1,422 | Once we have to explain the light spectrum to a bird we know we've gone to far. | {
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1,423 | Sounds like Fontana has a bunch of assholes in their legal system. | {
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1,424 | I sincerely hope your bosses car breaks down one day and he's forced to shit in the woods. With a badger watching him. Judging him.\n\nEDIT: Gold for the judgey badger eh? I'm humbled! | {
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1,425 | It's like he has a choice: Call the dude out for being a creep with a camera and the video goes viral, potentially making him look like an arrogant celebrity. Or just continue being himself and the video goes viral - setting a good example for others to follow. | {
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1,426 | I don't understand this sentence at all | {
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1,427 | If you watch any of the bloopers of Scrubs there is one scene where they pass the ball to Turk and he hits a jumper and Elliot freaks out saying how cool that was and the scene continues throughout the hospital all in one shot. They had to do that scene multiple times because Turk kept missing the shot at the beginning. \n\nedit: [Found the video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jr7IdHJQfJc) | {
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1,428 | No shit man. There's a guy w/ a "cum box" on here ..... | {
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1,429 | Wales: where the men are men, and the sheep are scared. | {
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1,430 | That's just what the devil would say! | {
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1,431 | Bostonian here, had tea, in harbor now. Try coffee. | {
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1,432 | It's a sign of large hips, which facilitate childbirth, thus allowing more children to be born. It's an evolutionary thing.\n\nEdit: Wow, thanks! This is my first Gold, the thread is blowing up, and my ~~imaginary internet points~~ karma has doubled. Nice job, everyone! | {
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1,433 | Gives you a different perspective about the show, being that it was a children's show that focused on the importance of possessing strong character and moral fiber. | {
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1,434 | Well, it is *construction* paper. | {
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1,435 | Alright, thread over. Chewbacca commented. Pack it up guys. | {
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1,436 | That is some genius level scumbag shit there. | {
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1,437 | Dat triple negative.\n\nEdit: Thanks for gold, you magnificent stranger! | {
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1,438 | Nothing beats the ol' flip-the-monitor-display-sideways one that kids would do in the computer lab. | {
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1,439 | My grandma had cut ties with her long before this. My grandmother was a saint. She took me in for my remaining high school years and taught me a lot about life. She died 2 years ago. I cried like a baby. I was pleased to find out that she cut my mother out of her will and left me her portion. It wasn't much, but it was something. | {
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1,440 | So that salty people can feel better | {
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1,441 | "Ok, you need to 'unplug the router you fucking mongoloid' sir"\n\nObvious edit: Gold cherry has been popped! Thanks, anon. | {
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1,442 | Many Jimmies will surely be Russelled. | {
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1,443 | No wonder she got a bullet to her head. Extremist ideas can never survive a rainfall discussion. They can only exist by suppressing dissent. That's what all this shit is about.\n\nEdit: damn extremists! Can't even talk about the weather these days without them shooting people! But maybe I should proofread my posts more carefully. | {
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1,444 | Tahiti, it's a magical place. | {
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1,445 | The only thing worse than showing it is not showing it. Fuck off most western media outlets. | {
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1,446 | Follow a psychopath around who sometimes stops time and eats fifty wheels of cheese in a hundredth of a second before shouting a pensioner off the peak of the tallest mountain on the continent, while a farmer boxes a dragon into submission in the background. Oh, and you're carrying two hundred pounds worth of dull iron daggers and you have to run everywhere. | {
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1,447 | Now I gotta watch Wolf of Wallstreet again. | {
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1,448 | very bitch\n such unhappy\n much cunt\n wow | {
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1,449 | I will send you 5 US dollars via Paypal immediately if you produce me a video of you shitting your pants.\n\nI'm deadly serious. | {
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1,450 | Same!\n\nHigh Five!\n\nI did go to an all boys boarding school though... | {
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1,451 | Dude was trying to order a pizza, Domino's wasn't taking any shit that day. | {
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1,452 | Not to be confused with an Amazon prime member | {
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1,453 | Maybe the fertility problem you're having with your wife is because you wear a condom at all times? I think I read somewhere that condoms can reduce the probability of pregnancy. | {
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1,454 | > It took me about 15 minutes to do though\n\nSon, that's just playin' with your ass. | {
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1,455 | Hopefully in less than 50 years | {
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1,456 | My favorite thing about geese is that they insist upon travelling in packs, even though by all accounts they cannot fucking stand each other. Twenty-five geese swimming around in a lake squawking and pecking at each other's necks is one of the dumbest things I've ever witnessed in the animal kingdom. | {
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1,457 | Wooow, if there was a fire drill at my work that I knew wasn't scheduled I would assume it was a real fire and get the kids out. That's crazy! | {
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1,458 | This must be the same place with the condoms behind the register. | {
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1,459 | No I can't. Frankly I'm not even sure I how I would go about trying. | {
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1,460 | Finally, a serious answer. | {
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1,461 | He always brings his eleven foot pole. | {
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1,462 | Does that even matter? She wanted to, she made plans to and damn near did it. That would be enough for me to end it. | {
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1,463 | Growing up my mom used to tell me of a homeless guy she knew of that would go into the local McDonalds and get a free cup of hot water. Then proceeded to add ketchup, salt and pepper to make himself a hobo tomato soup. \n\nEdit: apparently a lot of people know about hobo tomato soup. Thanks for all the responses, you've given me something to do at work today. | {
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1,464 | Bruce: "You...you knew this. Lucius. You knew I was Batman." \nLucius: "HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE BRUCE WAYNE!" | {
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1,465 | looking for buttsex, apparently | {
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1,466 | Step 1: buy wood\nStep 2: buy chisel\nStep 3: carve away everything that doesn't look like an elephant. \n\nEdit: Well this escalated quickly. Thanks for the upvotes. It made my night. | {
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1,467 | You shut your whore mouth | {
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1,468 | Just to be clear, we can sign up, get the vintage skittles, then quit immediately right? You know, playing you all for chumps?\n\nThat's correct, soldier. Unless, of course, war were declared.\n\n*whoop whoop whoop*\n\nWhat's that noise?\n\n...War were declared. | {
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1,469 | Settle down, Casanova. | {
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1,470 | theres not human urine & feces all over the ground in our world\n\nEdit: Fuck your gold i want drugs, my bitcoin address is 1MySL9zbsVnLjbphSV7T4mCTGeXunFXAw | {
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1,471 | Your racism is noted. It's people like you that cause division based on colour. Your comment offends me and should be taken down. | {
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1,472 | What if I can promise that you will never have sex for the first time ever again! | {
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1,473 | Someone seriously called the sheriff on you guys because some teenager had his moment of nudist bravado while taking a leak? "Run, run, he has a penis!" -"Put your hands behind your back! No, cover yourself! With your hands behind your back!"\n\nProps though for you getaway, that's some Snake Plissken shit. | {
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1,474 | Only one way to be sure and it's going to involve getting her good and wet. | {
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1,475 | Yup. Just like my father, and his father before him. \n\nEdit: We're a close family guys, get over it! \n\nSuper Edit: dis me coment with most enternet points. | {
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1,476 | It's too late, /u/thefireman89 has already laid his eggs inside your brain. I'm so sorry.\n\nEdit: Anyone that believes they may have eggs in their brain should call this number immediately \n\n0118 999 881 999 119 725.......3\n\nI'm a specialist in wackjobology and I have a PhD in gobbledygook from Jabberwocky university. You can trust me, this is the internet. I'd be happy to answer any and all concerns you may have about the crisis that is going on right now. | {
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1,477 | WHAT. I always thought there was a dude called Ray Ban that created the brand and named it after himself. Like "Ray Ban's sunglasses" that eventually just got shortened to "Ray-bans" | {
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1,478 | This is exactly what I was thinking. I would barricade all doors and windows and hope to be able to keep my kids safe for the next 24 hours. I would also cancel all my credit cards and ask the bank not to allow any transactions from my accounts for the next 24 hours. | {
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1,479 | did not expect cyborg parents | {
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1,480 | “Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.” - Rorschach, The Watchmen. | {
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1,481 | golfwang_ Confidence McRapesalot | {
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1,482 | You took faking sick to a whole new level | {
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1,483 | And for christ's sake, stop eating her cookies. | {
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1,484 | There's a great documentary on this. I believe it's called the Rugrats. | {
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1,485 | Don't worry, the French hate Parisians even more | {
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1,486 | So $400 might get a 1/4-20 screw and maybe a washer. | {
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1,487 | get yourself to the hospital. Vomit that looks like coffee grounds is a sign of internal bleeding. GO NOW!! | {
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1,488 | Looks like you will be living in your new Jaguar now back to work! | {
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1,489 | *TWIST* \nThey were **your** wife and daughter the whole time.\n\nDirected by M Night Shamamalamadingdong | {
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1,490 | Rise up, Luigis of the world! | {
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1,491 | I love confident women with nice butts. Your wife sounds exactly like my type /u/anormalgeek! Any chance she's single? | {
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1,492 | Its got a friggin' laser on its head, that can VAPORIZE rocks!\n\n-EMB | {
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1,493 | Lets tell her we are from the future and we need to warn her of the upcoming Danish shortage. | {
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1,494 | My arguments will speak for themselves | {
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1,495 | Also lost his balance | {
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1,496 | AKA The "Why is my perfect kid on the bench?" haircut | {
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1,497 | She just looks at you and goes, "You didn't show your work so this is wrong anyways." | {
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1,498 | The thing I find most offensive is her mock disgust. Her introduction of 2 Chains is full of disingenuous contempt. She doesn't believe what she's saying, she knows her audience - racist xenophobic housewives in denial.\n\nI'll bet good money she drinks everyday, is on a variety of medications, and likes to take it in the ass. | {
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1,499 | I choose the thimble because no matter where I roam, you can't prick my motherfuckin' thumb with your bitch-ass Scottie Dog. Can I cuss on here? | {
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} |
Subsets and Splits