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1,500 | larger houses are meant for entertaining. guests tend to piss and shit more than they sleep at a party. | {
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1,501 | Kinda raises confidence to learn for the future I'd say. Unless you're like the guy with 0 admirers. | {
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1,502 | As a broke college student I used to line my purse with a gallon size ziploc bag and fill it up at buffets or all you can eat shrimp at Red Lobster. It was awesome until I came across a old dried up fried shrimp in my purse 2 months later. | {
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1,503 | yeah, but this is publicly shaming a kid. by a group of adult this child is supposed to trust. how could any principal think this wouldn't be destructive to this child? i could see doing this for high school students who are more in control of themselves, but an elementary school? this is basically bullying, and that should have absolutely no tolerance. | {
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1,504 | I totally misinterpreted that story until I saw this comment... | {
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1,505 | Now you sound like my girlfriend. | {
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1,506 | The judge takes that for himself. \n\nSource: I was a lawyer in my dream last night, so I've (in theory) seen how these things work. I flew around the courtroom a foot off the ground and everyone was watching me like "holy cow, how is this guy doing that?" and I just kept on flying around with a smug look on my face like, "haha yep". I loved it so much that after I woke up I enrolled in a free online law class and hope to one day start my own practice. AMA. | {
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1,507 | What if God sent condoms to stop the spread of STIs and to reduce the chance of unwanted pregnancy? | {
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1,508 | It's hard to internalize how few fucks other people tend to give. | {
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1,509 | Because the bathroom is where we rap-battle. You have to be admitted to the super-secret club to join your first bathroom rap battle though. The day will come when you will be sent on a quest to prove your worth to train with the great rhyming dictionary. Until then you must wait. | {
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1,510 | Actually his favorite letter is P. Without it he's irate. | {
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1,511 | I feel bad for how confused they'll be. It says back 2 back, but the broncos won last year | {
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1,512 | Where I live, woman have that look | {
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1,513 | sounds like a grand slam breakfast! | {
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1,514 | Have you ever been to Disneyland? *Every* day is gay day. | {
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1,515 | And the older moths all sitting around saying "Cunts don't even know they're fucking *born*. In my day we had fucking *candles*. Twats." | {
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1,516 | "You know what I really like about you, Bob? It's your ability to see a sign, read what the sign says, and then vocalize those words. It's always great to have you in the car, Bob." | {
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1,517 | A relative of my wife's would routinely show up to family parties with a few bags of extras. He would press shampoo and shaving cream into my hand like a crime boss might hand off cash to struggling factory workers living in their neighborhood. "Here you go, daverod74... no no, I have plenty more. That there's for you." | {
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1,518 | No, you're just bad at catching me. See you soon.\n | {
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1,519 | Your friend fucks your wife... | {
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1,520 | I use a braille computer. \n\nEdit: How do you expect me to make a snoovatar when I have no idea what I'm making?! ^Thanks ^for ^the ^gold ^:P | {
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1,521 | They call him Johnny "The Position Has Been Filled" Schmidt. | {
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1,522 | And never answers her phone, despite it being right next to her. | {
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1,523 | They are using the apple maps on the iPhones you sell them. | {
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1,524 | I hope he was a geology prof and did it just to fuck with future grad students working on their theses.\n\nEdit: grammar.. I like rocks not English :/ | {
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1,525 | "Is that the samurai people or the cat eaters? I forget" | {
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1,526 | > Too many cocks\n\nspoil the brothel. | {
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1,527 | Obama can't "wave a magic wand" any more than Bush could. | {
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1,528 | I used to breakdance back in high school. I had no girlfriend, so I would spent hours in my room dancing by myself. The robot was the BEST because it was like an illusion. An you didn't need a partner. Lonely nights make the best robots. | {
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1,529 | **Terry Crews** in *Forever Alone: A Success Story* | {
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1,530 | I wish I had that in my ear just so I could experience the relief of having it removed. | {
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1,531 | Former dancer reporting in. This isn't always the case. Usually we go out of our way to make customers feel appreciated when they come in alone on holidays - especially Valentine's Day and Christmas. You don't always have to be looking for a good tip, sometimes it's just nice to make someone's night a little brighter. Everyone knows how shitty it feels to be alone on a holiday. | {
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1,532 | "Mornin' Sam."\n\n"Mornin' Ralph." | {
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1,533 | I've had it explained to me as "if you see one, you've got ten". | {
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1,534 | Literally put two and two together... | {
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1,535 | I don't usually say this, but this is exactly the psychotic business mentality that is ruining this country. Nobody is a person anymore, regardless of their sacrifice as an employee. Workers are just disposable assets to be used and abused, then thrown away when they even slightly reduce performing for a short time. \n\nIt's psychotic. | {
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1,536 | He asked what the fox said, not what Fox thought all Muslims said | {
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1,537 | Ben & Jerry's Frozen Bromance. Sold with two mini plastic spoons. Contains adorable almonds.\n\nI was originally going to say Banana Bromance, but let's just move on from that idea. | {
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1,538 | The meme has become self aware. | {
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1,539 | I can't wait for Season 2!!! | {
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1,540 | That's called having your steak [blue](http://steakandco.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/degrees2.jpg). | {
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1,541 | -"What" ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English in What?\n\n-What?\n\n-English, motherfucker, do you speak it? | {
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1,542 | ... "Wow that guy in full uniform really gets my panties soaked. Right?! Anyone else think this guy is super fuckable?" | {
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1,543 | say what you will about common sense, but that guy who jumped atop it is my hero | {
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1,544 | Great now you got Tiny Tim in my head. | {
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1,545 | "Yeah Jim, I've been fornicating with this girl for weeks now, but I'm not sure if she likes me at all." | {
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1,546 | SR-71\n\nHard to pick a favorite. I tend to like FPS with a story, like Bioshock, Fallout or Mass Effect, but was also a big fan of Civ and Warcraft.\n\nFrench and BBQ\n\nWhiskey\n\n\n\n | {
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1,547 | Long beard. Eye patch. Crotchless panties. | {
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1,548 | I flipped a coin for every word haha | {
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1,549 | "Yeah, I thought you looked familiar, Arnaud has photos of you two together." | {
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1,550 | She really blazed it. | {
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1,551 | All i can think when i peruse /r/parenting is the episode of 30 rock where Liz Lemon wants to buy a girls bike and posts on a forum for suggestions:\n\n"I'm sorry, but whats a "girl's" bike? Is that like a "girl" doctor? Go back to Saudi Arabia, Hitler!"\n\n"UR buying a bike but not a helmet? The head is where the child's brain is! Why don't u get educated, Double Hitler!" | {
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1,552 | No younger, and no older, only 7 year olds. | {
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1,553 | there was a woman who worked at starbucks near me whose name was Lana and I did say 'Lana, Lana, Lana' to her once but never yelled | {
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1,554 | How does praying lead to a blowjob? | {
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1,555 | And zip loc bags. My in-laws wash all of them and save them. They also hoard ketchup packets and such from every where they eat out. They have TONS of these things everywhere. Most of them expired for YEARS. | {
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1,556 | Thanks Meg.\n\nEdit:[Thank you for the gold]( http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/3810328/peter-griffin-dives-into-gold-o.gif) | {
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1,557 | Dude. You barely know Story. Are you sure you aren't moving a little fast? | {
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1,558 | There is something I need to tell you. I was young, he was dashing... There was beer involved. | {
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1,559 | Also, guns always making a cocking sound every time they're raised. So often you'll see someone raise a gun, you hear it being cocked, they lower it for whatever reason, then raise it again and you hear the same sound but they never decocked it. Its like they want you to think guns just bark at you when ever they're pointed at you. | {
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1,560 | Somebody call Mike Rowe! | {
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1,561 | I'd probably just go with it, I really don't have much going on. | {
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1,562 | Like a starving African child simulator? | {
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1,563 | The one that Ashton's mother makes. | {
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1,564 | >unbreakable \n\nMy dad would disagree | {
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1,565 | shes gettin *kept* yo, im marryin her | {
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1,566 | That's some hard-core selfishness right there. | {
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1,567 | I thought Michele from Romy and Michele invented it? | {
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1,568 | But would you recognize [Hitler](http://lemurinn.is/wp-content/uploads/391.jpg) in disguise in Western Canada? | {
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1,569 | Jesus take the oar.\n\nEdit: Awe, gold? And a from a president no less. Cheers! | {
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1,570 | She didn't appreciate the future of efficiency? | {
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1,571 | Speaking as a Brit. Germany is probably the best nation in mainland Europe (Scandinavia doesn't count) | {
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1,572 | No, I really shouldn't... OK, only because you incest. | {
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1,573 | This is worse than when Hank found the book | {
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1,574 | The Air Bud series got really dark in the 10th film. | {
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1,575 | People always ask "What the hell did John Lennon see in Yoko Ono?" and I always reply "Well for starters, they were both massive narcissist pieces of shit" | {
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1,576 | But the ratio of non-cute nurses to cute nurses is at least 20:1 | {
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1,577 | No archeologist wants to be known as the guy who keeps finding dildos.\nEdit: Thank you for the gold. My gilded comment is about ancient dildos. Could be worse. | {
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1,578 | I was thinking the same thing. I would really like to meet a woman who is into the things I Google. | {
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1,579 | What? (note: this was literally his reaction when we asked if he wanted an Xbox) | {
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1,580 | That was the least official interaction possible. I love it. | {
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1,581 | Never know, your sis could have known what that vag was swimmin with. | {
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1,582 | Just because he's black, doesn't mean he plays basketball. | {
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1,583 | I always thought that people making these sort of comments about no blowjobs after the wedding were kidding :( | {
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1,584 | Haha, so true! I can relate, I know that feeling! I really do! Really! | {
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1,585 | There sure are a lot of cousin fuckers in this thread.... | {
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1,586 | This is bullshit - you're oversimplifying a complex situation to the point of no longer adding anything to the discussion. | {
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1,587 | Upvote for appropriately answering the question. But you're a heathen | {
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1,588 | They wouldn't have been doing that if they didn't like chancing somebody seeing them. Next time, give them a thumbs up. | {
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1,589 | Is 6 months too long? Not if no one knows. | {
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1,590 | What the fuck kind of high school do you go to?!?! | {
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1,591 | Fucking Christ. We have 5 minutes to get to the next class, bitch. You're not that important. \n\nThat's why college was so great for me. I could just leave because I'm a fucking adult with other shit to do. | {
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1,592 | I'm afraid you're overqualified. | {
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1,593 | I don't think you've fully grasped the meaning of either "brb" or "suicide" | {
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1,594 | This smell is actually produced by your skin in reaction to the metal\n\nHere is the source for everyone asking: http://mentalfloss.com/article/25226/why-do-coins-make-your-hands-smell-funny\n\nEDIT: Also, read this if you want your mind blown more: http://waitbutwhy.com/2015/01/artificial-intelligence-revolution-1.html\n\nEDIT: **Thanks for my first reddit gold!! I was having a bad day, then I saw all the great comments and gold and was very happy!** | {
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1,595 | I just unzipped in class for nothing! | {
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1,596 | I-V-IV?\n\nI made this. | {
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1,597 | No, no, no, no, anyone but her! Not... Janie Briggs! Guys, she's got glasses and a ponytail! Aw, look at that, she's got paint on her overalls, what is that? | {
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1,598 | Ice cream: good.\n\nReese's: good.\n\nMeat: *good*.\n\nThis sounds like something Joey Tribbiani would order. | {
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1,599 | Under-the-butt nut hut. | {
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Subsets and Splits