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"When you say "poop" your mouth moves the same way your anus does when you poop."
Jokes
"A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple."
Jokes
"Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask"
Jokes
"An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar"
Jokes
"I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years."
Jokes
"I told my wife that the milkman said he had shagged every woman in our road except one!!"
Jokes
"The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.”"
Jokes
"Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?""
Jokes
"A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon."
Jokes
"A man knocks on the door and asks the woman " Do you have a vagina? ""
Jokes
"I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday"
Jokes
"My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“"
Jokes
"Sex with the priest's wife"
Jokes
"What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer?"
Jokes
"A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC Nothing was moving."
Jokes
"How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb?"
Jokes
"My girlfriend broke up with me for being too “un-American”"
Jokes
"I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open."
Jokes
"Ellen Pao's career"
Jokes
"A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen."
Jokes
"A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job."
Jokes
"A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage."
Jokes
"My wife said to me "If I ever get Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me""
Jokes
"I angered two people by calling them hipsters..."
Jokes
"Chinese doctor opens his new clinic."
Jokes
"A weasel walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?""
Jokes
"If you take the first two letters of the title of each the 7 Harry Potter books, it spells out a secret message"
Jokes
"In 2017, Trump went to meet Vladimir Putin in Moscow..."
Jokes
"Three brothers age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together."
Jokes
"Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are."
Jokes
"Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy."
Jokes
"Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist..."
Jokes
"A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past."
Jokes
"Why do reddit users hate facebook?"
Jokes
"Only anti-vaxxers will get this..."
Jokes
"A lady who is cheating on her husband"
Jokes
"What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?"
Jokes
"The Pope and Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd."
Jokes
"Genie: You have 3 wishes."
Jokes
"A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder"
Jokes
"A boob, a vagina and an asshole are debating as to who is the greatest of them all. Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I’m attractive to the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest. Vagina: I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that’s why I’m the greatest."
Jokes
"Don't know why this got removed the first time. I'll try again. When is it OK to have sex with your cousin?"
Jokes
"It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 30 minute walk from the pub to my house."
Jokes
"My Wife was dying"
Jokes
"Panda and a Prostitute"
Jokes
"I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed devil itself..."
Jokes
"Gay people have no excuse to have a bad fashion sense"
Jokes
"As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself..."
Jokes
"Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers."
Jokes
"Wearing crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy,"
Jokes
"I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no."
Jokes
"A lion would never drive while drunk."
Jokes
"My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it."
Jokes
"I’m done being a people pleaser"
Jokes
"I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a suicide forest"
Jokes
"Depressing pickup lines."
Jokes
"I lent my umbrella to a hot girl yesterday."
Jokes
"‌‌I w‌‌as f‌‌ucking m‌‌y s‌‌ecretary u‌‌p t‌‌he a‌‌rse w‌‌hen m‌‌y w‌‌ife w‌‌alked i‌‌n"
Jokes
"Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"..."
Jokes
"What has 6 balls and fucks all the poor people?"
Jokes
"The word asparagus is funny."
Jokes
"How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?"
Jokes
"A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?"
Jokes
"I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked."
Jokes
"Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the hell was wrong with you?"
Jokes
"NSFW.. Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?""
Jokes
"While driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything."
Jokes
"How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool?"
Jokes
"I am able to suck my period blood back into my vagina..."
Jokes
"If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic"
Jokes
"I went to the most popular NSFW subreddit and was shocked when I sorted by Best."
Jokes
"If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don't they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?"
Jokes
"When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan"
Jokes
"When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian..."
Jokes
"Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says..."
Jokes
"What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig."
Jokes
"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…"
Jokes
"Today a girl kissed me"
Jokes
"An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery"
Jokes
"On a plane is full of Redditors, a man starts having a heart attack."
Jokes
"Cashier: Scans Condoms"
Jokes
"When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word..."
Jokes
"My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution"
Jokes
"A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman…"
Jokes
"A father in Iraq gifted his daughter a new bag. The girl replied,"
Jokes
"Scotsman, Englishman, and an Irishman walk into a bar"
Jokes
"I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay"
Jokes
"A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport."
Jokes
"I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands..."
Jokes
"How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?"
Jokes
"I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book..."
Jokes
"A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer"
Jokes
"My wife is pregnant and my doctor asked me if I had ever been present at a childbirth before."
Jokes
"A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him."
Jokes
"An atheist dies and goes to hell."
Jokes
"Student: Can I borrow a pencil?"
Jokes
"For every upvote this gets, my girlfriend and I will try one thrust of anal sex."
Jokes
"What's the difference between EA and North Korea?"
Jokes
"A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree"
Jokes
"two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven."
Jokes