title
stringlengths 2
302
| label
stringlengths 3
20
|
|---|---|
"When you sit on the toilet you connect your butthole up to the large network of connected buttholes" | Showerthoughts |
"National Parks are a reminder of what the country could’ve looked like if it weren’t for humans." | Showerthoughts |
"Mark Zuckerberg used to be a hero of the digital age, but now he has lived long enough to see himself become the villain." | Showerthoughts |
"Baby gates are the exact equivalent to - This area is locked until you’ve gained more experience." | Showerthoughts |
"If you're 25 and single in 2018, nobody bats an eye. If you're 25 and single in 1818, people worry you'll die an old maid. If you're 25 and single in 1418, it's because your third husband just died of the plague." | Showerthoughts |
"Old trailers did not do the movies justice. New movies do not do the trailers justice." | Showerthoughts |
"Clark Kent would be outed as Superman pretty fast if he ever accidentally pushed a pull door." | Showerthoughts |
"Earth is a dinosaur planet, and humans are just mutants left over after the apocalypse." | Showerthoughts |
"If you're 25, you've been alive for over 10% of US history" | Showerthoughts |
"You never notice how much your head weighs until you’re resting it on your sleeping dog." | Showerthoughts |
"You know you're an adult when you care more about your parents' health than they do." | Showerthoughts |
"They say with pessimism you'll either be correct or pleasantly surprised, but that’s an awfully optimistic way to see pessimism." | Showerthoughts |
"We used to wonder about kids who threw tantrums in stores to get their parents to buy them shit. Now they're the adults who throw tantrums in stores to get managers to give them shit." | Showerthoughts |
"Parents begging for grandchildren have the same mentality as a child begging for a puppy: they get all of the cute with none of the work." | Showerthoughts |
"We joke that birdsong is just a pretty way of birds shouting at each other for sex, but really that's all most of our pop music is anyway." | Showerthoughts |
"By law our cars have to be road worthy, but the roads don’t have to be car worthy" | Showerthoughts |
"Thor Ragnarok is really about how nothing brings together two siblings like ganging up on the third one" | Showerthoughts |
"People that wait until they’re married to have sex only have sex with people in their family." | Showerthoughts |
"Shrek may unintentionally have the most realistic message of all animated films in that, "regardless of inner beauty, people will probably end up with someone who matches them outwardly."" | Showerthoughts |
"We live at the bottom of an ocean of air, and lack the ability to swim in it." | Showerthoughts |
"Painkillers are the "Mute Notifications" option for the body" | Showerthoughts |
"If professional sports teams could only recruit from their city/state there would probably be a lot more invested in local community programs." | Showerthoughts |
"When a child is an asshole, the child gets punished. When a parent is an asshole, the child gets punished." | Showerthoughts |
"In 'Bohemian Rhapsody' a key point was that radio stations would never play a 6:00 song, because listeners wouldn't want to sit through it. Yet in the movie they never play the whole song, probably because they felt audiences wouldn't want to sit through it." | Showerthoughts |
"Honey is totally underrated. Its the only natural food that's made without destroying any kind of life. It's also the only food that won't rot." | Showerthoughts |
"If humans colonize the moon, it will probably attract retirement homes as the weaker gravity will allow the elderly to feel stronger." | Showerthoughts |
"There are very old marine animals still alive, who remember the time before motors and sonars when oceans were silent." | Showerthoughts |
"If we invented immortality, people would probably have to go to school multiple times throughout their lives" | Showerthoughts |
"It's 2019, and not one cereal company has created zip-locked bags for the cereal" | Showerthoughts |
"Humans are afraid of being bitten by spiders even though they have more teeth. Spiders are afraid of being stepped on by humans even though they have more legs." | Showerthoughts |
"Out of the millions who saw Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back in the 1980 theater at least one person went to the restroom or missed the scene where Darth Vader reveals he is Luke’s father" | Showerthoughts |
"The biggest coincidence is that the moon and the sun look like they're the same size" | Showerthoughts |
"There's a moment during the cremation process when the meat is perfectly cooked." | Showerthoughts |
"Ethics is the condom of life. It’s a lot more fun without it, but you know better." | Showerthoughts |
"Putting groceries in the freezer is like Tetris, but taking them out is like Jenga" | Showerthoughts |
"At -40 we are all on the same page, it's cold as fuck and even fahrenheit and Celsius can't be bothered arguing for a moment." | Showerthoughts |
"In the song “The Devil Went Down to Georgia" the Devil doesn’t actually lose. He purposely throws the contest to inflate Johnnys pride thus damning him when he dies." | Showerthoughts |
"When they filmed the Matrix “There is no spoon” part, they would have had to pretend to hold a spoon in order to cg a bending spoon...thus making the statement true. There really was no spoon in that scene." | Showerthoughts |
"Studying physics is essentially being taught a simple structure, and then told ”actually, scratch that, the truth is actually far more complicated” over and over again until we reach the point where we still don’t know the truth, only that we do not have it." | Showerthoughts |
"There are about 15.7 million subscribed to this sub. Divided by 365 is 43,013. To about 43k people, happy birthday" | Showerthoughts |
"Introverts run on re-chargeable batteries while extroverts run on solar panels" | Showerthoughts |
"Somebody who thinks that feathers on dinosaurs would suddenly make them not-scary has never been chased by a goose." | Showerthoughts |
"The first dog to pee on Mars would temporarily be the dog lord of a whole planet" | Showerthoughts |
"The ship in Wall-E uses up energy for artificial gravity just to put people in anti-gravity chairs." | Showerthoughts |
"Chick-fil-A employees are lucky that they don't have to handle the post-church crowd" | Showerthoughts |
"If you have an organ donor card, you will drop loot when you die." | Showerthoughts |
"The first person to make ice cream probably ate all the ice cream in the world (at the time)." | Showerthoughts |
"Dog toys live a horrifying life in the Toy Story universe." | Showerthoughts |
"The myth about undercover cops being required to disclose that they're undercover cops was definitely started by an undercover cop" | Showerthoughts |
"It's a special kind of gratification when the slow car you're stuck behind turns away, and you speed up to show the people behind you that you weren't the one clogging up traffic." | Showerthoughts |
"Some vampire always say that living forever is a curse but they can actually just go to the direct sunlight and die whenever they want to" | Showerthoughts |
"The Titanic moved over liquid water, was powered by water vapor and was sunk by frozen water." | Showerthoughts |
"Most of the trash on the streets is from junk food because people that don't care about their own health aren't going to care about the health of the planet." | Showerthoughts |
"UPS will leave a $900 video card on my porch without even knocking but I have to sign for a $10 pizza" | Showerthoughts |
"If the Queen wore a pair of shoes once and sold them, they would gain value. If a random dude wore a pair of shoes once and sold them, they would lose value. But somewhere in between the Queen and the random dude is an "equilibrium celebrity" who could sell the shoes for the retail price." | Showerthoughts |
"The most unhelpful thing in the world is a toddler trying to be helpful" | Showerthoughts |
"If we had superheroes people would commit crimes just to meet/interact with them." | Showerthoughts |
"wikipedia is what people imagined the internet as in the 90s" | Showerthoughts |
"The show "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" becomes less impressive every year with inflation." | Showerthoughts |
"Exercising is basically hurting yourself until you build up an immunity to hurting yourself." | Showerthoughts |
"The laws that we are supposed to be fully aware of and abide by are so complex that there is an entire profession dedicated to understanding them. One that takes 8 years to master." | Showerthoughts |
"Agreeing to terms and conditions went from: "this is our stuff, don’t copy and sell it" to "this is your stuff, we’ll copy and sell it”" | Showerthoughts |
"There's probably a lot more guys who like small boobs than girls who like small dicks" | Showerthoughts |
"If the wizards in Harry Potter really wanted they could create a society with unlimited food, space and energy that could vastly improve Humanity as a whole, instead they just hide like assholes." | Showerthoughts |
"In hindsight, Simba running away after Mufasa died was a good move. If he came back without his dad after his whole "I just can't wait to be king" song, he might have been a prime suspect." | Showerthoughts |
"We really don't appreciate the fact that email is free" | Showerthoughts |
"If it never rained on a Thursday your whole life you probably wouldn't have noticed." | Showerthoughts |
"Hearing "I love you" hits different than "I love you too"" | Showerthoughts |
"For pirates being mostly of criminals and bastards, they have a suprisingly good work ethic and sense of cooperation needed to sail a giant ship" | Showerthoughts |
"You've probably squished a bug that has been on an epic movie-worthy journey in its lifetime." | Showerthoughts |
"Ignoring a problem is just like letting it level up before facing you." | Showerthoughts |
"Must be a lot of different toilet styles in the Star Wars universe" | Showerthoughts |
"In Home Alone, Uncle Franks says “look what you did you little jerk” to Kevin’s face. Meanwhile Kevin’s dad just sat there while his brother verbally abused his son. Peter McCallister was a bad dad BEFORE he forgot Kevin on 2 separate trips. Maybe that’s why Kevin was acting out in the first place." | Showerthoughts |
"For the first 8 minutes of your life the sunlight around you is older than you are" | Showerthoughts |
"In 20 years or so, I'm going to have to jailbreak my car to drive above the speed limit" | Showerthoughts |
"As an identical triplet, you are simultaneously one of the rarest and most common people on the planet." | Showerthoughts |
"Maybe the grass seems greener on the other side because you’re not over there fucking it up." | Showerthoughts |
"Me at 8 years old: "When I grow up no one will tell me when I have to go to bed." Me at 33 years old: "Ooo, there's an app that will analyze my sleep quality and patterns and alert me when my optimal bedtime is approaching."" | Showerthoughts |
"If portals existed we wouldn't need air conditioning anymore, you would just open a portal to a warm or cold place and let the air flow in." | Showerthoughts |
"Online gaming is the only place as an adult you can talk shit to a child and no one does anything." | Showerthoughts |
"Human thoughts before language must have been weird." | Showerthoughts |
"Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself." | Showerthoughts |
"If people said “it’s okay to be nervous” instead of “don’t be nervous”, it might make things a little easier" | Showerthoughts |
"In the Harry Potter universe, attractive celebrity witches or wizards could make a fortune selling snippets of their hair or nails for Polyjuice Potions" | Showerthoughts |
"Being "Jr." or "the Second" is the real life equivalent of having to put numbers after a username." | Showerthoughts |
"Pixar is the version of Disney that just wants to tell the story without people singing every 10 minutes." | Showerthoughts |
"Humans hate to eat the same meal repetitively, but a pet can go its whole life eating the same meal and still be excited when you put the bowl down." | Showerthoughts |
"Holding your breath to get rid of hiccups is like turning your lungs off and on again" | Showerthoughts |
"Itchy & Scratchy are animated the same way the Simpsons are. Itchy & Scratchy is photorealistic in the Simpsons universe. So much gore!" | Showerthoughts |
"The smell of someone vaping in public is a disturbing reminder of how often we breathe in the same air someone just exhaled" | Showerthoughts |
"A guy walking around with one crowbar is more suspicious than a guy walking around with three crowbars." | Showerthoughts |
"If millenials aren't getting married, eventually they will be blamed for destroying the divorce lawyer market" | Showerthoughts |
"You could cosplay as Winnie the Pooh with just a red shirt and confidence" | Showerthoughts |
"I hate to spend $6.50 on six pieces of raw chicken, but dont hesitate to spend $5 on one chicken sandwich." | Showerthoughts |
"Being attracted to people who wear glasses is the one fetish for physically impared that's socially acceptable" | Showerthoughts |
"There’s like 7 billion boobs" | Showerthoughts |
"Sleep should be rolled over. Like "Oh, you got 20 hours of sleep today? Cool man, you don't need sleep for the next three days."" | Showerthoughts |
"Sears started out as a mail-order catalog that would deliver packages right to your door. It was driven to bankruptcy by an internet site that delivers packages right to your door." | Showerthoughts |
"Yeah Ctrl C Ctrl V is cool, but Ctrl Z is not getting enough credit for how many lives it saved over the years" | Showerthoughts |
"Parents worry about what their sons download and worry about what their daughters upload" | Showerthoughts |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.