language
stringclasses 2
values | text
stringlengths 4
22.6k
⌀ |
|---|---|
French | null |
French | Je me suis rencontré sous l'eau chaque fois que je pense à me tuer la notion de le faire d'une manière miséricordieuse est toujours la seule chose que j'essaie d'éviter je suppose que j'ai toujours pensé que la punition est ce que je mérite et parfois je m'assieds et me demande ce que je mérite de me punir et je me rends compte que je dois me punir pour tout ce que je fais autour de moi |
French | J'avais tiré hors de sécurité dans ma bouche aujourd'hui Je suis une personne ciblée J'ai été torturé suivi de ville en ville J'ai été calomnié attaqué par toutes les tortures mentales possibles J'ai entendu des voix voir des hologrammes volés de la propriété intellectuelle et physique Trop long pour les énumérer Ajouter à cela ma famille a toujours été connard momner parce qu'ils pensent que je suis fou Je suis fou |
French | Comment tout le monde traite je ne peux pas arrêter d'y penser Pas un jour ne passe où je me réveille prêt à rock que d'ici la fin de la journée, je suis prêt à tout donner Comment allez-vous Distraction Loisirs aimés Je trouve difficile de lutter contre l'idée que ma vie ne sert à rien |
English | Trans m f friend seems really depressed and I'm worried about her, She s been transitioning for about yrs now and is gorgeous now really but still hates her body She wants surgery, but cant afford it and is really fixating on it, She brought up suicide today while we were chatting amp it seemed like she d thought about it for a while too I'm freaking out a little bit She's not on Reddit AFAIK but I'd love some advice on what I might say or do to help her feel better about herself Is there a better Subreddit for trans specific stuff |
French | Quelqu'un s'il vous plaît tendre la main et me parler S'il vous plaît quelqu'un tendez la main, je suis complètement seul en ce moment, et j'ai juste besoin de quelqu'un à qui parler S'il vous plaît |
English | Burning coal with room sealed tight as I type I've explained my issues enough to friends doctors strangers and myself in these years I was abused by my parents I was sexually abused by a stranger I ended a years time of therapy and medication because I give up I have a cancerous disease My parents are divorced The boy I was going to have a future with cheated on me, I stopped classes I stopped social media I stopped video games I stopped eating I stopped everything I'm so hungry and depraved, and I don't love myself I live for others and others hurt me Now I don't want to live for others I used to be top in class and university I was always executives of student organizations I was the one friend girlfriend and daughter that did her best and succeeded in all eyes of strangers and familial in her prime because they wanted me to I took in other s hate easier Hate and hate and hate and anger and anger and sadness and apathy I attempted suicide recently and failed I spent the night at the emergency ward My mom told me I was humiliating her for doing that My ex friend pretended to care and told others I'm toxic to take advantage of taking up my exec position The smoke will make me sleepy soon And I'll sleep |
English | I'm sick of all the bullshit Hello I am a year-old Marine Veteran and a Korean American No ones going to read this shit but I wanted some place to vent my anger and frustration I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar type and am very anti-social to the extent that I have only spoken two words for six months I barely post or write online I try to improve myself with empirical evidences in mood enhancement such as exercising trying new hobbies taking cold showers and taking social classes to improve my awkwardness with other people Yet even with these initiations I am looked with hate and dread from the other students at Penn State York Campus My professors who are psychology professionals look and behave as if I am a retarded deficient human being Often they would skip or cut short of my input during seminars and other students would groan in silence I still hear it every time I talk I feel I don't belong but I need these classes to fucking graduate I have committed numerous acts of suicide on various occasions I used methods such as overdosing on someone else s prescribed sleeping pills hanging myself with a noose and attempting to jump off a bridge I push any relationships away because of the fear of getting emotionally damaged and being used When they proceed to ignore me I blame myself because I believe I do not deserve good people in my life, yet I want a social connection My family rejects any conversations when I feel depressed and feel suicidal They proceed to get furious and tell me to shut the fuck up I do not have any friends literally and I am fucking tired of these emotional rollercoaster rides monthly I tried to fit in with the Americans but they berate me because of my skin color in Pennsylvania state of brotherly love my ass I tried to make friends with Koreans but they cast me away for being too individualistic rather than having a collectivistic mindset like them, I feel like an ignorant unintelligent bigot with no future because I live at home with my father while paying for the house and utilities I'm tired of no progress the stupid fucking lie that life gets better and I am tired of hope Also if you are from Penn State York and reading this which I highly doubt FUCK YOU I'll see you in hell |
English | I'm not good enough and I never will be I hope I'm posting to the right Subreddit not sure exactly where to put this I will never be good enough for anyone I'm a failure I'll never do anything worthwhile in my life I'm constantly getting yelled at and pushed around and no one understands what it does to me My entire life I've been left by people my biological parents my adoptive dad my stepdad my ex-boyfriend Friends come and go like crazy and no one seems to want me I do everything to make people happy to make people stay but they don't I m in university not doing well and tracking on a dead end degree My weeks are the same dragging through classes and drinking it all away on the weekends I don't see a future I'm tired of people telling me it'll get better keep trying to find new hobbies I'm bad at everything I'm a piece of shit I've been self harming for the past seven years but I've never gone deep enough I don't have access to any pills I don't know how to kill myself, but I don't see another way I try to find little things to make me happy but once I close the door to my room and I'm all alone none of it was enough I always end up feeling empty and alone No one is gonna want to be with me, I'm depressed and negative I'm not particularly attractive and the people who do show interest only want a quick fuck I just want someone to want me but who would ever want me |
English | I might kill myself today okay, so this is a long story and let me just say I don't mean to belittle anyone or seem homophobic hi my name is Sara I'm years old bi and live in Canada where I haven't experienced that much hate for my sexuality externally I suppose but anyway when I was growing up everyone said that's so gay or f got a lot I went to a Catholic school where gay was bad not saying all religious ppl are like this just the ones I went to school with and my dad always taught me that gay was a sin but I also grew up with a lot of gay people and all I saw where people they were my big sisters cool friends why would I care who this kissed at that age kissing was yucky anyway so i didn't really think about it until I was about and my mum told me it is okay if I was a lesbian and something inside me cringed and I said i wasn't and went back to whatever I was doing at ten skip to a few years later I was or at the time and me and my friend well call her Sam went to go see that movie chips and basically there was a scene where Kristen bell is in a swimsuit and I stared at her in awe and thought fuck maybe I'm gay I pretended to have crushes on boys to keep my secret I figured I should be sure before I tell anyone about my lesbian less then eventually i genuinely did start liking boys so I googled what does this mean like TF and AFER about am I gay test I figured I was bi cool whatever eventually I told my bestride Sammy who identified as that she was cool with it at this point in my life I was dealing with some self harm and other shit, but my orientation was something I was cool with skip to summer of grade a few of my friends knew and I had a crush on Sammy for a bit and told my other friend L me and Sammy ended up making out then got in an argument and she said some stuff and basically we went talking then I come home one day the week before grade to my sister on the couch she says we need to talk she tells me that her and mum know I kissed a girl and basically made me figure out what I am right there and then made me tell mum I was bisexual i really wasn't ready yet I figured it was Sammy who told them, and she said yeah it was and I'm going to tell others so I rushed and made a coming out video and I got positive replies i didn't go to that catholic school and my dad doesn't use the internet so that was fine IG turns out my sister found out from reading my texts to L I was freaked TF out for the first month then said fuck it and I was a proud bi even went to pride and eventually it was like my thing I hung a flag and had to have everything rainbow then I'm like ok this is annoying I need to not eventually I started correlating myself liking girls as being bad IDK how but I did but i count let anyone know this bc I'm fine with every other LGBT person why count I like myself so until about a month ago I pretended to be chill with it i wasn't I feel that same sinking cringe feeling as when I was, i asked an older friend of mine who's not straight if she hated it too she said no and looked at me funny so clearly I'm the only freak who feels like this and I feel bad bc i should feel like this everyone dad still doesn't know lives in another city was excepting so why am I, so selfish feeling like this I cut myself and tried to overdose out of guilt of being like this weeks ago cut to a few days ago I cried and ripped my flags down and hid them and told everyone I was straight and looked at them like they were crazy if they stated otherwise now i really just want to die I hate it SM and no matter how much I pray or try to be straight it doesn't work so I want to die to just stop the guilt and gross sinking feeling inside and if I'm dead ill never have to tell my dad and step mum that I'm like this and I won't have to deal with my other issues, but this is the big one umm yeah sorry that was like an absolute bible but yeah please help me what do I do will I always hate myself or is there something I can do about this or should I give up and kill myself btw I'm not saying LGBT ppl deserve to die also suicide should never be an answer but I cant see any light in this tunnel I'm hopeless and not getting anywhere Sara CommentShareEdit PostSaveHide Upvoted Comment as spooky avocado HTTPS WWW Reddit com user spooky avocado COMMENT Switch to markdown |
English | I wanna Dianne I got a GF family couple friends so why do I feel like this shits confusing I feel like I should be more grateful ANF I am so grateful I really am I'm very lucky to have everything in my life but just leaving it all behind don't bother me much either I hate myself and lately i want to die more than ever dunno why yea I should see a professional but I'm I got no money and my parents won't pay for me or care to make me see someone and I just feel so shit all the time I'm a dickhead being dickhead is bad I try stop being dickhead but I'm still dickhead nonetheless and sometimes I cry myself to sleep and its bad no one knows how bad it gets I wish I could tell my girlfriend but she would be annoyed I wish I could tell my parents but we aren't that close I would, I could tell my friends but they just don't understand happy New Year's wish I was drunk RN but I made a promise to someone I really care about and if it weren't for this person her love and how caring she's been to me, i wouldn't be here yea have a good one CYA |
English | it's funny how I can go from feeling fine to wanting kill myself so badly in under a few seconds everything s just taken a toll on me my motivation has been taken away and I can't do anything i m ashamed to admit that I can't wash my hair or properly shower myself my desk is a complete mess my bed is filled with crumbs and I can't feel shit any more I cant revise for my GCSE s that are in months time and school isn't helping with anything if anything it's only making it worse by ignoring those who are suffering and putting my pressure and stress onto them, I would kill myself I just can't do it right now my family s going through shit and I can't add my death to their list of shit they're going through |
English | I m sat down the beach on my own at PM and I just feel so fucking lost My anxiety has got too much for a month it has been constant I just want it to end, and I don't know what to do I've got nobody I can talk to, and I can't cope anymore |
English | Only one thing holding me back right now I can't find a way to do it without inconveniencing my family due to property damage |
English | I m done need a perfect reason right now not to sling a rope round my fucking neck and cease this monotonous endless tedious bullshit Nobody will read this but I couldn't give a fuck Just needed to get my anger out somewhere instead of screaming at my missus or calling my ex It's all pointless, and we are all alone Fuck this complete and total bullshit Life s a gift No it's a fucking curse I need to cure the disease of my life Rotting and putrid endless shit |
English | What is so frightening about death When I think about it suicide is what I mostly think about Yet the only reason I don't is that I care about family and or friends that I have left Does anyone just get to the point in their lives where It's just too late to fix shit and make something of themselves To be honest I hate myself I was a prick jock at school I never gave shit because I always felt sorry for people that were picked on But now that I look back on it all I can only think I deserve this My leg is so faked I can't run anymore and do sport like I always loved I lost most of my true friends by hanging out with wannabes years on I live with my parents I'm not even on unemployment because I feel too ashamed too I sit in my room and avoid the outside world And the only reason I haven't ended it is that the only way I see it happening is in a shoot out so avoid killing myself or just putting a gun too my head Yet I wouldn't even be able to get a gun I live silently alone and in the dark with the occasional moment where I say what's on my mind e.g. now I just want it to end |
French | J'ai l'impression d'avoir essayé pendant des années, il n'y a pas de fin et je veux un résultat Je suis sorti comme trans à ma famille Il y a des années, je ne suis pas sorti comme moi Je suis sorti comme ça Je suis sorti comme ça Je suis sorti comme ça Je suis sorti comme ça Je suis sorti comme ça Je n'ai pas été traité comme ça Je n'ai pas été traité comme ça J'ai été traité comme ça |
English | I lost the love of my life simply because she wanted to move on with her life and find herself was a bad boyfriend in a lot of ways I've had terrible thoughts while in this relationship Thoughts of cheating Thoughts of a better life without her Thoughts of selfishness mostly But deep down I knew that was just the evil side of me I could have followed but I didn't I was loyal to her, I gave my all to her, I loved her more than any human I've ever known And in the end it all stopped just because she wanted to do her own thing Because she wanted to find out who she was as a young woman And I don't have those ambitions I know who I am She made me realize the person I am She taught me what it really meant to love And I have no purpose without her, I can come up with some superficial thing about how life is worth living for so-and-so reason but it's not the truth Life is worth living because of the people we have in our lives And I just lost the most important person The most important reason to live I feel I've peaked I've reached the person I connected most to and now it s gone I'm empty inside All the things I've loved don't matter if she isn't around to experience them with me, I drunkenly text and call her like a fool begging for something that is lost To kill myself over a girl is so cheesy So fucking stupid Yet I've never felt more sure of this feeling I truthfully don't want to live any more I've been through hard break-ups before too I know how it feels This one is different I just don't want to feel numb anymore All I do is cry I can't enjoy anything without her, She made life bearable |
French | Une grande majorité des raisons pour lesquelles je suis suicidaire sont liées à l'argent et c'est le genre d'argent que j'ai du même âge que je n'ai pas pu faire un meilleur jet de dés au coup de naissance en quelques semaines Le monde est horrible et cruel, et je veux que je ne sois pas allé à l'école parce que je paie la dépression et maintenant je suis censé rembourser mes prêts. |
French | null |
English | I accidentally stabbed myself today Sometimes I like to play around with the kitchen knives Pretend like I'm actually going to go through with it and stab myself But I've always been under the assumption they weren't very sharp They're old and well-used Except today when I held one of the pairing knives up to my pants to give myself a little prick like I had done many times prior the entire knife went in There's a lot of blood, and it stings but I think I'm off the Suicide Watch wagon for a bit |
French | Besoin d'aide avec la perte de tous mes amis, comment faites-vous face à la perte de vos amis m'est arrivé parce que quelqu'un a essentiellement essayé et a réussi à me calomnier quelqu'un qui a traité avec cela, comment faites-vous face à elle |
English | I feel that odd euphoric peace that usually comes around when I'm about to go It happens whenever I come closer to attempting The last time I felt it was I believe in when I was resting in the bath just before I took the candy It felt peaceful thinking I was going to die in the tub Except I didn't I feel that now Not some pushed attempt or an angered one A genuine one One where I know for a fact it will succeed One where I will never have to suffer again The euphoric feeling always puts me at ease so it makes it so much easier to plan to go through with it, I wonder if anyone else feels it too |
English | Someone else needs help DM me do that want to post this here in case she's still alive and reads it I just need someone that may know what to do I've been terrified all day Please I don't want to lose her |
English | I feel really close to breaking Donald has happened the last week I feel like just breaking down totally I don't know what to say really I just feel like slowly I'm going further over an edge that I won't ever get back to I want to stay on this side of death, but it feels so fucking hard I am just crying and crying feeling angry and angry People are just not there I'm not talking about people here just people in real life aren't there And they just don't care Edit I think I might have to go to the psych hospital I m feeling so bad and sad and my mind is just going worse and worse I need someone to talk to I need someone to help me out of there but it's just me I'm not enough |
French | Pas d'énergie même pour mettre des mots sur l'enfer sur Terre est le meilleur résumé que je peux donner de mon milieu de vie, la plus grande erreur de ma vie est le meilleur résumé que je peux donner de ce qui m'a amené ici, je n'ai presque plus assez d'énergie pour faire un plan de suicide, mais je sais que je ne peux pas continuer comme ça. |
English | Title m not even sure I'm ready to go yet but I'm so sick of everything and nothing seems to matter any more I'm sick of being treated like a shot stain or a burden I'm sick of making everyone around me miserable I'm sick of being needy and lonely and selfish and I just want to relieve people of me |
English | I want to disappear want all the thoughts to go away I want it to be silent in my head I need someone to take away the heavy weight that's on my chest I want it all to go away |
English | SD Class project is really m so sorry to my partners who don't realize that I've given up on this class I've given up in all of my classes but was too afraid to withdraw Now I m in this Zoom call with no idea what to do since we were only given three days to work on this large project on day two out of three day, and we have to essentially finish it and they are working on the project while I m muted trying to not hyperventilate Cut myself bc I'm an idiot who wants to hurt I guess I thought I would have killed myself before this project started but here I am fucking it up An hour later I unmuted and partner had to help me correctly import our project into my IDE I'm being dead weight while both of them are figuring out what to do Partner one is especially brought patient while I am slow and partner is confused but providing something to the team Now partner gave me a much easier assignment bc I think they can tell I'm distressed I want this to be over and wished I never signed up for the team project and just failed peacefully Now I'm dragging two students who are actually trying this semester I'm going to get back to work thank you to anyone who reads this Might edit with an update |
French | Je veux mettre fin à ma vie monotone et tout ce que j'ai jamais vraiment fait toute ma vie, c'est jouer à des jeux vidéo et regarder la télévision Quand j'étais je suis tombé amoureux d'un ancien collègue, et après qu'elle m'ait rejeté gentiment, nous sommes restés amis jusqu'à ce que j'aie arrêté de travailler et que j'aie fini par m'excuser. |
French | J'ai abandonné beaucoup de temps, de sommeil et d'énergie à quelqu'un dont j'ai grandi TRS proche et j'ai découvert que cette personne ne m'a rien dit d'autre que des mensonges depuis près d'un an maintenant, je lui ai toujours donné le bénéfice du doute, même quand personne d'autre ne me faisait confiance. |
English | Is it possible to get euthanized Depression started with High school Made tons of bad grades trouble focusing and not bullying but teasing from folks Dropped out of college because it was too much for me at the time Worked terrible retail and warehouse jobs for years Hopped from job to job looking for decent full-time work preferably office Went into the Army one of my dream careers and failed AIT due to injury While I refuse to reenlist due to stuff I was a somebody I became a man an adult friend a personality I guess it was the freedom I had When I was considered a holdover hold under at least Now I'm back home with a family that never understands and neglect my feelings emotions It seems like I can't be happy and continue to fail at everything It doesn't help I have social anxiety I just want to end it all Only thing keeping me from committing suicide is the pain I'll feel I just want to die in my sleep or something Had thoughts of driving into a deep river but I fear drowning Is there any places where euthanization is legal I don't want to live any more I don't care how my family feels because they never consider how I feel about anything They're old traditionalist Christians who never had to deal with depression stress or social anxiety I want to fade into obscurity and cease to exist Tldr Failed a lot in life matured away from home came back home a failure again |
English | I'm so tired don't think ranting here would do me any favor but since I still have days before I could do it I want to go home and leave any belongings and money that may be of use to my family first I looked up several methods, but the only reliable one was a gun and it's too difficult to get one here So I decided I would go with Tylenol or baclofen if I can't find a way to get cyanide off the dark web I'm sorry this sounds so pathetic but I'm desperate at this point I don't fear death I don't want things to get better any more I just want to rest Death is the only one who can give it to me Since I'm already writing here I've been dealing with manipulation lied to so much gaslighted guilt ripped too often and I held on to my promise to not let my girlfriend go despite all I suffered ever since entering her friends circle Yet she didn't She gave up on me so easily and I gave up so much for her, I know I may have put myself in this position by giving so much in too little time it may have overwhelmed her but I just can't forgive her or myself We promised to fix things together and she decided to take the easy way out I sound selfish but I can't help but feel bad for myself after all this I'm not doing well in college I'm a financial liability on my parents who would do much better off without me and so would my siblings who deserve a better brother I'm emotional baggage on everyone and I hate the pity I'm fine with sympathy but not being pitied I feel pathetic and I hate it I would go to therapy and I thought about it but I don't want to just ease the unending pain and would rather leave the money I would spend to my family assuming I can afford it My grandparents family them and my uncles and aunts all they use me for is errands and to get gossip on my own parents and siblings And they began to hate me once I caught on and stopped telling them things I'm not loved by my family not by friends who admitted to mostly pitying me and even my ex said she stayed because she felt bad for me, I don't want any of this I don't want to graduate then do my military service then struggle for a job then most likely live paycheck to paycheck for a long time I'm not strong enough for that I'm no stranger to suicide and I never regretted it or was happy to survive I wish I were a better person a kinder brother a cooler friend a more understanding boyfriend But I'm none of that I'm only a self-absorbed person who's living off of people s sympathy and draining them off their energy that they could better use elsewhere My only use would be to relieve everyone of worrying about me All I need is someone to help me make it as reliable as I can while avoiding unnecessary costs so I could avoid a potential mess and loading my parents even during death I understand if you may want to help but nothing can change my mind nor the life I'm living Believe me I know many others have it much, much worse but I'm not strong I want to be gone and I am not afraid of it I'm sorry if I triggered anyone who read this I really am but I had to let it out Thank you all for bearing with me |
French | null |
English | I might just let myself die I'm Ive been kicked out of home and have been living at my friends house for the last months I have cystic fibrosis I have crippling apathy and multiple drug addictions In a month I have to move out and I have nowhere to go I have no job no money no desire to move into my parents home even if I could and nowhere to go I could try and get a job and I suppose I could find somewhere to rent board but why My health needs make it difficult to be independent as well as making holding a job near impossible I hate having to rely on others for assistance and knowing that I will probably never be truly independent I can't juggle hospital appointments keeping a job medication finding somewhere to live buying groceries and even if I could what's the point I'd have next to no time for myself And I don't see the point in living a life devoted to trying to stay alive I don't want to move back to my parents I just don't want to go back to having to rely on someone to do everything for me, It makes me feel like less of a person than normal people who can do all the things I can't The way my health is going I don't see myself living beyond the next few years anyway and I don't mind So what's the point Come the end of this month I will probably go back to being homeless and allow myself to quietly die of starvation or something |
French | null |
French | Finissant ma vie je vais me pendre Personne ne sait Espérons que quelqu'un trouve mon excuse pathétique sans vie d'un corps |
English | Is wanting to die itself considered suicidal I don't have the courage to commit suicide but I sometimes pray that I don't wake up |
English | THE SOLUTIONUstedes necessity Hairdo Anemic suicidal Swedes necessity Core Anemic as suicidal Hairdo is airs hombre Core is airs muter Esto les data pay y energy Gentleman you need to take iron Lady's yo need to take copper Iron if you are a man Copper if you are a woman This will give you peace and energy |
English | I think I am done here think I am done here here in this world its so meaningless here Getting beat up at school and home It's hard to take it all in when you're a y o boy The world is fun not for me Life is so hard to live these days Getting bullied because I am short in school And getting beaten because my mom dump all her hate to me While taking needles every night for hormonal therapy It hurts If you try to change my mind list you re name because then I could list your name and said you tried to Thank you for trying to help but I made up my mind |
English | So Tonight s the night I figured might as well put this here After extensive research and careful consideration I have finally figured out and planned my goodbye After losing the love of my life and my world collapsing this is truly what I want I can only hope I succeed Goodbye all Lt |
English | Negative reaction to lowering depression Today I felt less depressed which made me feel worse The last couple of days I've felt so bad that I had firmly decided to kill myself I bought some of the equipment necessary and set a time and place However today I woke up feeling less depressed Hope started to weasel it's way back into my thoughts and I started to have fleeting moments of maybe things will work out maybe I should just keep on keeping on I hate these thoughts my decision to kill myself gave me so much peace My pain will be over soon I don't have to keep on trying I don't have to watch my life sink any lower than it already has I can just sleep and drift into nothingness Currently the thought of dying is starting to seem like a fantasy which makes me feel trapped inside my hellish existence |
English | Life is too long and too exhausting just can't imagine doing this for at least years any more I didn't have a good start in life and it's only going downhill since then My father is an alcoholic who doesn't give a shit about me and belittles me every chance he gets My mother is a borderline narcissist who hurt me emotionally and physically my whole life and threatened to kill me multiple times I wish she did I don't have many friends because I've been backstabbed too many times and can't really trust people since then I think that everybody secretly hates me My boyfriend of years who saved me from a very dark state of mind and made me enjoy life again was at least I thought so the love of my life I recently found out he cheated on me multiple times, although he knew about my self harming and my suicidal tendencies What does that tell me I thought I would be lucky for once in my life after all this suffering in my childhood and teenage years But apparently life is not fair You don't get what you deserve the shit pile only keeps getting bigger over the years I feel like this was the last straw the last sign of the universe that I am not welcome that I was a mistake that should just disappear Whatever I try it only turns to shit I have no hope anymore for my life to ever turn better I have no trust in other people any more I see no purpose in existing, and I wish I d just been aborted |
French | null |
French | Il y a des façons dont cela se termine, je continue à aller à l'école tous les jours avec le taux de croissance de ma haine pour la vie, c'est à peu près certain que cela mènera au suicide, je ne peux pas être heureux et la vie est incroyablement douloureuse et fatigante, je m'enfuis de la maison et maintenant j'ai échangé la pression de l'école pour la pire pression d'être sans-abri encore plus certain de conduire au suicide. |
English | ADIOS AMIGOS Hallelujah world It was a great journey all over At first I am from Bangladesh, so my English is not very good If you're seeing this that means I'm dead I am no longer in this tangent universe and I know you don't have time to read this I am also not a celebrity But all this year's I've gathered a huge amount of knowledge And as it is my last day on this dimension I have something to confess First I am not like other persons I am a lot different I think you are different too Or you won't be able to be here They're trying to terminate me But I know I'll be always here I can't write a book about my life it won't be appreciated, but I am not doing it for appreciation Today humans are very much of foolish They do whatever they re told they talk whatever they re taught I am not a philosophies I am nobody I wish I was a collective mind This is my last day I can't type everything Just don't do what they've implanted on you, It's not the best note you'll ever read Something's going on like big conspiracy Keep your mind open not your eyes and ears I hope I could exist a little bit long, but I can't Whether I exist or not it doesn't matter to them or anybody They just want me perish We've made this, and we can solve it Love you mom you are the only one whom I have loved the most My little sister I know she'll be in Harvard someday she certainly will I don't want to recall any bad thing from my life At last I want to say ADIOS AMIGOS |
French | Avez-vous déjà demandé comment d'autres personnes ne sont pas suicidaires, j'ai du mal à croire qu'il ya réellement des gens là-bas qui aiment eux-mêmes et profiter de la vie et ne veulent pas se tuer Wow |
English | That's it That's it I give up Every detail matters but i don't fucking care to bring it up any more dead fucking rock bottom no motivation nothing This whole thing is just hurts hurts hurts so fucking much it hurt sim hurt I'm fucking bleeding it hurts At this point the thin thread is being torn the guy I'm talking to just kinda wants me my brothers have seen me turn into a fucking monster yelling and fighting with my parents drunk dad got dragged out by police beating on my mom me and my mom bicker back and forth she chokes me I choke her she cooks me a meal thinking it solves everything I made her soul cry she won't take these flowers Brothers work long soul sucking jobs and I'm mentally unstable due to BPD or bipolar but brought my loser ass back to school Friends are just silhouettes of what we think a friend is ouch I'm gone i don't know where my soul left sometimes things were manageable soul still intact like a kite but now the kite its done it will never come back gone gone gone gone I want to kill myself so bad but i don't want ugly scars and scare away the hot old men I fuck the nasty old men get the fuck away from me creep but stay you're sexy I guess I don't deserve nothing nothing nothing not even sleep I'm going to stay up until I die |
French | Je ne sais pas quoi écrire dans le titre donc j'utiliserai des mots-clés école études de vie dépression adulte Quand j'étais au lycée un professeur de physique m'a dit une fois devant toute la classe que les gens comme moi qui ont seulement étudié finiraient par devenir fous je n'ai jamais oublié ça mais pas parce que je suis d'accord je n'ai pas oublié que j'ai vraiment envie que j'aie envie |
French | Je déteste l'humanité et espère que le changement climatique efface tout le monde, y compris simplement penser que nous sommes si civilisés et éclairés, mais la plupart d'entre nous sont des déchets. Nous traitons les membres les plus doux de la société comme des déchets s'ils ne me regardent pas et ne parlent pas correctement. |
French | C'est pour vous ne savez pas qui vous êtes ou où vous êtes dans la vie en ce moment, mais ça n'a pas d'importance Je suis dur et c'est ok Il y a des gens qui me croient Il y a des gens qui se soucient même si ça ne semble pas que j'ai manqué des pensées suicidaires qui manquent des pensées qui manquent depuis très longtemps J'ai fait un post sur ici il y a trois mois ce jour-là je n'aurais pas |
French | Pourquoi est-ce que j'existe détester ma vie je déteste tout pourquoi cant je viens de le finir Baise moi je veux mourir j'en ai marre de cette merde |
English | Just gonna ramble never felt suicidal until the summer of After I was sexually assaulted I was convinced I had HIV I had mono three weeks later which mimics the symptoms of reconversion exactly I hated myself for putting myself in a position that could wreck my life I quit seeing my family and going to train martial arts because I was scared I would accidentally infect someone you're most infectious the first weeks After looking up the cost and terrible side effects of the HIV meds I realized I could never burden someone with a relationship if I was positive So I broke it off with the guy I was falling for and decided if I was positive suicide was the only option This horrified me because I loved being alive and my self-hatred reached new levels since I blamed myself for what happened I cried all day every day for weeks alone I tried going to a few clinics for help, but they were only interested in helping homosexuals psychologically I was too afraid and ashamed to report the assault for many reasons, so I didn't get help After I finally tested definitely negative I thought I would feel relieved and grateful But nothing got better I've been alone and unable to function since A lot of really horrible things also happened to me in mental hospitals and stuff I lost my dog and the abusive guy I dated stole over k from me At some point I fixated on suicide again The constant fear of death was gone, and the PTSD lifted I stopped having panic attacks and nightmares But if I start feeling a desire to live again I am overwhelmed with grief terror and grief at everything I have lost and how evil some people are I feel like if I ever found a smidgen of happiness it will be taken from me or used against me The person I was a year ago gone I'm not a person any more I've been dead for a very long time already |
English | I was overdosed on sedative as a child So it happened when I was like years old my father fell asleep right next to me and I somehow found the pills I took I don't know how many of them they don't really talk about the incident And when my mother came home it was lying on the ground They did mostly nothing as I know Could this be the source of my never ending depression and that I can't form any types of relationships with peoples |
French | Ma carrière dans l'armée est si proche d'être expulsée pour un problème médical Perdre mon autorisation de perdre toute chance de faire le même travail ou de travailler application de la loi Presque tout ce pour quoi j'ai travaillé et investi dans mon temps, mes diplômes, tout est en train de couler, je vais me sentir perdu, c'était une grande partie de mon identité, je pensais que je l'avais fait dans la vie, mais maintenant je ne suis rien. |
English | Any reason not to follow my plan So since I already described the reasons the things that have been holding me back my current situation and many other things related to my suicidal thoughts in another post I will focus primarily on the idea of the attempt itself here Because to be honest my plan is more or less idiot-proof so is there any reason not to do it as follows because I really want to do it this way and there ain't many things still holding me back any more I would pierce myself with my bayonet in the stomach area To increase the effectiveness I would drink some alcoholic beverages with a really high percentage of alcohol such as vodka for example before doing so As a result of that my blood vessels would open up a little bit more making me bleed out faster And of course the alcohol poisoning would do its job as well In the case that I hit my liver with the bayonet I wouldn't be able anymore to intoxicate my self making the alcohol poisoning even more effective and lethal I would bleed out and die from intoxication at the same time To make the out bleeding part even more efficient I would steal some of my fathers' medication blood thinners To go completely sure that my attempt would be successful I would do it on top of a Va high buildings roofs edge In other words after consuming both of the substances and piercing myself with the bayonet all I still have to do is fall down from said edge When I land head first I will die somewhat instantly if not I will still die because the bayonets blade would move a lot on impact making the cut only larger to pierce even deeper the damage to my inner organs only more lethal and perhaps with some luck more inner organs will be affected that haven't been affected before Pierced through with a bayonet poisoned with alcohol bleeding out fast due to the blood thinners and alcohol suffering from heavy damage to my inner organs due to both the piercing and the fall Is there any possible way I wouldn't die from all those things Plan B would be to do the same just without the falling from a building part And doing it somewhere in a forest where no one could find me instead If you believe I shouldn't do it this way for some unknown reason please let me know PS Sorry for my miserable unreadable English and the way too long Text PPS For further information about the reasons behind my suicidal thoughts read my last post If you think the reasons or the plan is a fixable reason a risky plan that wouldn't work please let me know Oh and if this plan of mine counts as method making it violate the rules of this Subreddit as far as I know then I would be sorry of course since I didn't mean to do that |
English | I don't have a title sorry but i m leaving this world soon if things don't change i m over it all the neglect the feeling of stupidity the loneliness the betrayal everything rd times the charm you know what I mean |
English | I just want to swim out as far to sea as I can go underwater and take a deep breath No matter how strong my body s will to survive is there's no way I could swim all the way back to shore with lungs full of water |
French | null |
French | Friends for Nothing Honnêtement, j'ai tant fait pour aider les gens, mais aucune chatte ne fait jamais rien pour m'aider, je fais tout mon possible pour aider mes amis et je suis là pour eux quand ils ont besoin de moi, mais quand quelque chose se passe dans ma vie comme umm je ne sais pas mon père. |
French | Je veux sauter d'une falaise de l'océan C'est à peu près la mort garantie Mon corps ne peut pas prendre le coup de tomber ou je vais me noyer puisque je ne peux pas nager La vie est tout droit terrible Pas seulement pour moi, mais d'autres à Les seuls qui pensent que la vie est belle sont ceux qui ont tout réglé et qui coule bien |
French | Quand tu ne peux même pas faire un post sur ici expliquant pourquoi tu veux mourir parce qu'il y a trop de raisons C'est ce que je ressens en ce moment J'aimerais tout évacuer et tout sortir, mais il y en a trop et c'est tellement épuisant |
English | Piling up I have severe depression and Asperger I am I'm gay I cannot relate to people outside a very small group of people and part of how I learned to relate to others is through drugs I am on and off but don't really associate with my old friends who still use heavily pretty often When I do I feel welcome though and not judged so long as I'm getting high with them, I don't have the social skills or life skills to make my life any better because I am a terrific failure I've learned to surround myself with people who wouldn't judge or criticize me even for my own good I stopped talking to a lot of my family but they didn't want anything to do with myself or my dad and siblings anyway I've wanted to die for more than years I'm really, really tired The only thing that would drive me when I was younger was thinking eventually I could support myself making artwork and music or just creating As much as it's the only emotional outlet I have left I realize how pointless it is without already being wealthy I work retail I will never afford an education Taking loans is suicide anyway I hate myself and I'm fully aware of the deep resentment most people feel for the fact that myself and people like me exist I am going to kill myself eventually because I can't possibly live in the US being who I am Escapism was really the last thing I had left Pretending that there was a place and people who gave a shit about me and escaping into that fantasy I won't ever stop hurting, and I don't have a life outside of feeling that pain anymore |
English | I wish I could turn back time wish everything would go back to how it was just three years ago That's my only wish I still had a desire to live back then, and I had no PTSD or trauma |
French | J'ai besoin de quelqu'un pour parler s'il vous plaît |
French | Je suis fatigué combien de temps je peux le faire, je ne tiens littéralement à rien parce que je n'ai rien, je suis fatigué de cette merde. |
French | Est-ce que quelqu'un est là pour parler pendant un petit moment ne peut pas se débarrasser des pensées ce soir Habituellement, j'ai été en mesure de les contrôler dernièrement |
French | Im abusif à ma famille et il est temps pour moi de partir Je n'ai personne pour appeler Hotlines me mettra à l'hôpital Je ne peux pas appeler mon ancien thérapeute plus Mon nouveau thérapeute n'a pas retourné mes appels cette fois ou le dernier Mon mari me déteste Si je suis gravement dépassé et en colère je suis actuellement abusif, et il crie et me traite aussi longtemps que je ne peux pas courir et me cacher dans la chambre Je suis violent |
English | I feel like I don't have a purpose to live anymore My friends left me my family doesn't acknowledge me I tried finding new friends, but they leave me after few days because I'm uninteresting I don't have any interests hobbies at all My family just keeps on criticizing me on anything I do I threw all the advices some people and friends gave me to cope me with this I want to end my life but at the same time I don't want to |
French | Ils disent que demain est un nouveau jour mais chaque jour est le même Plus la tristesse plus la perte plus la misère plus la douleur plus souhaitant que j'étais parti Je ne vois pas pourquoi je devrais continuer quand c'est toujours le même jour |
French | Je veux mourir comme d'habitude veulent mourir, ils disent tous qu'ils se soucient, mais alors ils disent des choses merdiques n j'en ai marre personne ne veut vraiment moi personne ne se soucie pas constamment mes amis ne se soucient pas ma famille ne comprend pas n juste dire que je suis malade mentalement w w out comprendre que je suis malade d'être ici j'aurais peut-être trouvé Smith que je veux faire mais je doute que jamais je n'ai jamais |
French | Je ne sais pas quoi faire Ma petite amie et moi d'années je vais me séparer Alors que cela en soi me brise le cœur, c'est un peu plus troublant que ça devrait être x J'ai consacré tout ce que j'ai eu à la relation, mais je n'aurai rien à montrer. |
English | I feel alone I guess ve only ever come close to suicide on few occasions but it's on my mind a lot throughout the day Knowing I could just slit my wrists and nothing will matter Just nothing No needs or desires needing to be satisfied And I really don't know how the fuck I'm going to cope with the rest of my life I'm too lazy to do anything in life a for most of the shit that just happens to happen to me, it feels like I'm fucking cursed Like that's pushing it maybe, but I only ever seem to notice when things go wrong but I'm never able to appreciate what things are I've been trying to lose weight for months and I'm growing overweight It s been worrying to think it'll get worse and I've not got much going for me already I'm lucky enough to have been born into a moderately wealthy family But everything just seems so fragile for the future These have been some of the hardest months of my life recently I've lost family friends the only meaningful relationship I've had in years and there's no guarantee that anything will get better And if it doesn't what the fuck am I going to do about it There s nobody to pick me up and when there is I don't think they understand It's frustrating feeling like nobody understands Even I struggle to put it into words but everything from environment of the community I've been introduced to growing up to my own lazy shithead everything just seems too much And from the way things work at the moment I'm not sure I want to be a part of the society I live in |
French | Honnêtement, ce n'est pas comme si la vie n'avait pas d'importance à ce stade, aucun de mes amis ne s'en soucierait, et ma famille s'en remettrait assez rapidement de toute façon. |
French | J'en ai marre d'être heureux puis suicidaire c'est trop Ce qu'ils disent de plus Le bonheur n'est même pas quelque chose Je ne ressens rien |
English | My Mother Would be Happier if I was dead College senior Female Diagnosed with depression a few years back Even if I became the most successful person on Earth my mother wouldn't be happy with me Whenever we are alone my mother takes the opportunity to gaslight me until I cry She tells me and my meds and therapy are too expensive and then gets mad at me for working my job so much I come home to visit and she's mad at me for not coming sooner so I leave her alone and then she gets mad at me for leaving her alone The one summer I stayed back at home I got so depressed that I became openly suicidal, and my mother only cared that I didn't tell anyone in our family so she could keep up appearances I wasn't taken to a doctor until several months had passed When she asked why I feel she's always mad at me, I name off times she's emotionally scarred me and instead of acknowledging that she hurt me she defends her actions as if she still thinks they were appropriate I don't have a rope yet but I've begun considering hanging myself I know where I would do it I just often think I would be happier myself if I was dead and didn't have to hurt anymore |
French | null |
French | Mon deuxième post ici Avant de lire ceci lire mon post précédent HTTPS WWW Reddit com r Suicide Regarder comments CCK r laissé seul Donc, je suis encore une fois, j'ai commencé à sortir de la dépression de toujours, mais puis je suis revenu à elle, j'ai acheté des vêtements un téléphone et fait un compte FB Mais rien n'a changé En fait, les camarades de classe ont commencé à m'ignorer et mon béguin |
English | Ajor cutting amp self harm Lost all hope More info inside m out of hope amp don't know what to do I've been in the hospital times the past months amp have the majority of feeling in my left arm HTTP Imgur com an AXL i from cutting so badly I've been trying to get by for so long amp I just can't take it anymore I can't even think anymore because all I hear in my head is myself screaming to escape I'm just curious as to what happens when someone becomes a long term threat to themselves if anyone here knows |
English | Why does everyone hate me I was always the kid who everyone made a game out of hiding from I switched schools when I was a kid but even on my very first day there everyone hated me so much, and they all picked on me until I ended the day crying in front of everyone High school was even worse I'm now but my only friends friends will only hang out with me if I have pot to smoke with them or give them a place to smoke it Why does everyone hate me I just want to be a good person I finally thought I found someone who I belonged with I was dating a girl but it was more than just a relationship She was my first real friend and my best friend but now she hates me too Everyone does My mom and my dad hate me too They just don't want me to die because of the shame it would cause my family But what's the point Why should I keep being everyone s punching bag my whole life |
French | J'aurais dû connaître quelqu'un qui semblait trop beau pour être vrai était en effet trop beau pour être vrai Sous cette armure de chevalier blanc tu es juste comme le reste un agresseur Je ne vais jamais être vraiment aimé Mon idée de l'amour est irréaliste Je suppose que le seul moyen d'être aimé Me quitter quand j'ai besoin de quelqu'un de plus que jamais pour me forcer à jouer à des jeux Je veux juste m'abuser mentalement |
English | DAE spend most of their time listening to music daydreaming I keep daydreaming about a better life where I'm finally married and safe and loved and understood and accomplished I don't have any friends in real life I've never been in love I'm highly sensitive easily triggered and I struggle to relate to anyone However in my daydreams I'm happy and significantly less stressed since I've finally around people who make me feel normal and are gentle towards me These types of daydreams also help stave off the suicidal ideation they get me through the day |
English | What's the best way to kill yourself Hello Sorry if the wrong Subreddit I'm using a throwaway account for obvious reasons I really just want to die I live in a constant state of fear and misery and I want to end it all My family is shitty and I have no friends I'm also poor as fuck I don't have a gun nor do I have any rope to hang myself with Does anyone know the easiest way to die I don't want to risk failing suicide I don't want to get brain damage Besides I'll look like a complete fool if I survive suicide I'd jump off a tall building but I don't know of any tall buildings nor how to get to one Am I just out of luck I'll do anything for some answers Thank you I assume that using a gun is the best option but like I mentioned I unfortunately have no gun |
French | Le suicide blesse mais rester en vie blessera beaucoup plus Je prendrai les souvenirs avec moi, Je prendrai aussi la tristesse qui ne m'a jamais quitté Je prendrai ces moments que je pensais durer éternellement Je n'étais jamais censé naître De toute façon Je suis né une erreur Dans ce même moment où l'ange de la mort m'attend pour me prendre par la main et me libérer Je dois reconnaître que le suicide blessera mais rester en vie blessera beaucoup plus |
French | J'ai échoué à tout ces derniers médicaments m'a ruiné encore plus Actuellement, je suis en congé de maladie en raison de ne pas fonctionner correctement Meds pour l'anxiété et la dépression n'ont pas fait beaucoup d'effet que des effets secondaires En ce moment, je suis sur l'état d'esprit négatif terrible où j'ai tout échoué En raison de médicaments ou des effets secondaires ou je ne sais pas quoi d'autre |
French | Quelqu'un d'autre reste en vie juste pour le bien des autres Me tuer détruirait absolument mes parents Ce sont des gens si gentils et beaux et je ne pourrais jamais leur faire de mal comme ça j'essaie de supporter ce que je suis et j'ai du mal à me voir en vie depuis des années j'ai de la chance d'avoir des parents aimants parce que sans eux, je serais déjà parti |
French | Je suis tellement fatiguée Ces dernières semaines, j'ai été tellement fatiguée Comme marcher à travers des kilomètres et des kilomètres et des kilomètres Je peux à peine garder les yeux ouverts Peu importe combien je dors Je suis toujours épuisée Ma vie n'est pas mauvaise Mes amis sont merveilleux Ma famille est merdique mais ils ne sont pas un problème Je ne veux juste pas continuer Je suis fatiguée de me sentir deuxième meilleure Je suis fatiguée d'être épuisée et engourdie Je suis juste fatiguée |
French | Je suis dans beaucoup de douleur, je ne veux pas mourir, je ne veux pas être dans la douleur, j'ai essayé deux fois de mettre fin à ma vie et évidemment échoué, deux fois ces tentatives ont été fondées par des pertes romantiques, des trahisons Cette fois, c'est tellement pire, il n'y avait pas de trahison ultime, à part l'effet compréhensible de ma femme, j'ai des sentiments pour quelqu'un d'autre avant la fin de notre mariage. |
English | I wish I died back then tried before And I failed I m at the end of my rope or the start of it IDK I felt like this everyday for most of my life I'm just exhausted I really wish it works this time |
French | La dépression mentale a souffert de problèmes de santé depuis plus d'années maintenant qui m'ont causé à se détériorer radicalement je suis incapable de manger sans être dans l'inconfort dû à la dysmotilité dans mon œsophage Cela affecte ma respiration La cause de ceci n'est pas diagnostiquée et il n'y a aucun diagnostic en vue que j'ai été suicidaire à ce sujet avant mais maintenant je me sens vraiment comme je vais finir par me suicide |
English | Im so tired For the majority of my life my entire identity was based on my grades are fucking dying right now and it's pretty much guaranteed that I'm about to fail my second semester in a row I feel like I'm spiraling into insanity and self-doubt I guess I've also been reevaluating what I want to do with my life and I realized that all of my plans were based on what other people wanted me to do I always thought that I would go to med school but the more I think about it the more I realize that I have absolutely no passion for health care I can't see myself caring for other people at all for fuck's sake I can barely talk to other people I guess that I wanted to be a doctor or Smith because it looks like my art career ain't happening Granted I don't even like doing art any more None of the things I used to enjoy doing make me feel anything any more amp x B On top of that I've realized how fucking lucky I am I'm relatively healthy I have a supportive family and I'm alive It hit me that there's a shit ton of people out there who aren't as fortunate as I am Every time I hear about someone my age dying or having a terminal illness it makes me doubt everything I'm doing I have this chance at life that they never did and I'm fucking wasting it I don't know why I'm constantly thinking this I can't even say that this is a result of someone close to me dying and I've gone through nothing traumatic in my life amp x B My friends and family think everything is alright or that I'm just choosing to hurt them by failing If I kill myself I'll absolutely fail them If I seek any help I'll fail them I think I'm depressed and i m terrified amp x B I don't know where I'm going with this I'm just so tired but I don't feel like I have a right to be |
English | I lost the love of my life My husband of years been together for Just texted me and told me he finished the paperwork to divorce me I don't know what to do I love him more than anything in this whole world I have spent the last two years trying so hard to give our relationship another chance to give me another chance I don't know what to do any more I moved to America from Europe to be with him, I left my whole life there family and friends to be with him Many times I feel like I don't have anything more in life I'm not afraid of dying I look forward to it just because then I don't have to feel this pain any more I don't know why I still love him so much but I do I just feel like when I lost him I lost so much else too I lost all my dreams in life Many times I feel like I don't want to be where I am but at the same time there is no other place in the world that I want to be It's really sad I'm most of my twenties have been such a disappointment |
French | Juste une approche différente pour soulever certaines personnes peut-être Ok, j'ai beaucoup pensé à la mort et au suicide les derniers mois à cause d'une vie folle qui a changé l'expérience qui a détruit ma santé pour toujours et j'en viens à la conclusion que la vie est en fait géniale je sais que c'est une chose inhabituelle à dire dans cette partie de Reddit. |
English | Will someone please talk me down I posted here a couple of days ago x posted in another sub with very little response I am a female in my midthirties who is severely chronically ill physically disabled and unable to drive or work My condition is such that it is physically impossible for me to live alone I have been through two awful divorces and am currently trapped in an often abusive engagement to a guy whom I have strong reasons to believe has been unfaithful to me, He is a narcissist Despite negative full panel STD test results I have continued for six months and counting to experience terrible unexplainable symptoms that appear to only align with an STD I don't want to be right about my suspicions My entire life rests upon whether my partner did something he shouldn't have done I literally have no friends nor family to turn to for help if he has betrayed me absolutely no one I do not use Facebook He and I have lived with his mother for a couple of years now, and I just made the huge mistake of confiding in both his mother and my partner s sister about my fears They are beginning to tip my partner off about my suspicions of him Anyone who has been abused and is trapped knows what that can mean I am freaking terrified now I have nowhere to go if he finds out that I don't trust him I convinced him to take me to get retested early next month but my whole future rides on those results I have no one to stay with My mother passed away from a terrible illness one month ago and my father and I do not get along at all Staying with him is simply out the question I am entirely alone Going to a shelter is impossible for me because a physically disabled person is considered a liability and I have experience with being turned away from them already in the past I have absolutely no recourse in this situation now I am absolutely terrified and completely freaking alone Oh God The only way out of this is death Can someone please talk to me and help me through this before I make a very bad decision |
English | I don't deserve this All my life I have had bad luck with people I am the one who is always being treated like a worthless piece of shit I don't do anything to harm anyone I mind my own business Whenever I tell people about this they will say that I'm exaggerating or being paranoid but I'm not this is my reality I'm too sensitive for this world The people who inhabit this world do nothing but bring me pain I have had nothing but negative experiences with people throughout my life and it all seems to be getting worse I do nothing to deserve it I don't understand I will never understand I don't know why I bother any more I really should just give up I'm an idiot for continuing to live |
English | I'm so ready to end this The last year has not been kind to me, I've lost best friends done horribly in school and am on a fast track to relying on pot to get me through the night in one piece I don't know what I'm doing and at this point I don't particularly care Who says every soul is compatible with this life Why should they have to be What's the point in living if you can't enjoy it I don't see what's so great about this No one cares about me all I do is fuck things up I've already been hospitalized so it's not like this would come as a shock to anyone Probably a relief to most honestly My boyfriend would be so much happier if he could follow his dreams without the burden of my dependence My mother could leave town start again somewhere she'll actually enjoy My best friend well she'll find someone new She's wonderful enough that she'll have no problem moving on My dad would be thrilled to not be disappointed in me anymore How dare the daughter of an engineer long to be an artist My point is there's nothing keeping me tethered but others expectations When I finally stop letting that hold me back the pills will still be there |
English | I m going to do it next week because I MUST don't care for my family and how will they feel when I die I lost all my friends and I'm tired of this world I hate the majority of people and my life is total shit You tell me that I need to struggle and work, but I tell you that I can kill myself too Unless my life is going to be only pleasure than death is always a better option I made my life beyond repair, so I must commit suicide no matter what |
English | Struggling majorly and probably going to kill myself today have an appointment with the clinic for tomorrow morning, but I just don't know if I can last until then Everything bad is happening all at once I managed to isolate myself from the only peer group I had after being mocked for my ignorance and seeing myself out to spare me the further embarrassment The same day the person whose affection I've been craving told me to the face that she never wants to hear from me again I'm just a piece of worthless garbage and I genuinely have no reason for existing so my entire outlook on the future is grim to begin with Even if I manage to survive on somehow all I have to look forward to is years of therapy in order to somehow become a halfway decent person I just keep trying to cope by manipulating more and more people into liking me but they're all smart enough to smell my bullshit The most recent victim of my existence told me they want to be alone for the remainder of the evening I usually try to second guess my instincts in situations like these, but I know they hate me and just don't want to say it Meanwhile the only friend I have is spending all day explaining to me about why the covid is going to either be the death of us all or trigger societal collapse and I just can't stand it anymore I contracted something when I went to FOSDEM and every little cough and wheeze is making me think my lungs are about to get infected and I'll die from pneumonia It's getting better more slowly than I want it to I can't even stand the uncertainty any more Even if I somehow manage to survive the moment we go into lockdown I'm just dead I have no skills no stockpiles and no ability to support myself I live meal to meal I'll be the first to die of hunger I m convinced I'm going to die from this shit even if it's my constant anxiety weakening my immune system that ends up being what actually kills me I'm trying to remain optimistic about the prospect of dying, but I don't want it to be this slow and delayed I can't stand the days any more distractions seem meaningless I find no more joy in anything I do it's all just constant worrying crippling guilt emotional stress and realizing I'll never heal from any of my bullshit let alone satisfy my basic human needs I just want it to end The minutes are hours and every day is a struggle since it has all started going downhill It's never been so satisfying to think about how happy it will make me to slit my wrists open I'll pass out bleed and nobody will even bother to check up on me until it's far too late anyway I just want to lie down thinking there ll be a tomorrow except there isn't and I never wake up I'm sick of it all I'm sick of life I'm sick of having no future prospects I'm sick of being the source of negativity in the lives of everybody I let close to me, I'm a toxic human being and I have no right to even pretend otherwise Killing myself is the only moral thing I can do in my life and yet I'm still so terrified about the prospect of missing out on whatever it is makes life worth living for everybody else that I don't want to die being this unfulfilled Yet I still have to I ran out of time years down the drain and I haven't managed to accomplish my only life s goal I kept putting it off until now it's too late and the virus is going to take me before I have the capacity to make the only choice that could have mattered in my life I'm a hopeless case in denial and struggling to come to terms with it Every passing second I realize more and more how fruitless my attempts are, and every other moment is a sickening gut-wrenching churn of sadness I want it to end Please make it stop |
French | Il y a beaucoup de choses foutues dans ma vie, mais en ce moment, la chose qui m'inquiète le plus est d'aller en prison, j'ai reçu deux accusations de délit pour possession de marijuana en moins d'un mois, j'ai été arrêté pour l'un d'eux et j'ai passé des heures en prison. |
English | Spent my new years having a meltdown at a party God I hate my life so fucking much drank way too much now it s am music still going and I've just headed up to the house owners bedroom to attempt to cry myself to sleep as I can't stand the site of others cuddling each other fucking kills me God I hate being so, so lonely, and I just want to kill myself so badly I had a meltdown In front of like people basically telling them I want to die over and over things are never going to get better for me, I want to stab myself so badly I'm sorry for venting I know I'm a pain in the ass in which nobody cares about guess that's why I'm going to die alone fuck my existence I hate my life |
Subsets and Splits