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t3_2egoel | relationships | I [18M/] keep getting feelings for girls too fast. | Okay so here's the deal. I talk to a fairbit of girls, but when I actually start hanging out with one regularly, and have sex with them a few times, I dtart getting attached. These past few weeks I was talking to this girl, we got along well, had sex a few times and I started to like her, so i told her. She tells me that she understands and wont do anything with any other guys, but just lastnight she went to a club, met a guy and fucked him. I was devestated when I found out today. Everytime something fucks up with a girl I start getting feelings for I just get so upset and I'm sick of this feeling.
When I was seeing a psychiatrist she said it was because my mother left me when I was a child and I have abondonment issues and I get attached to quickly.. Any advice how I can overcome all of this? | Mandatory summary/question! |
t3_275z1e | tifu | TIFU by cutting off a piece of my scrotum while shaving my balls. | Today, I was feeling motivated when I woke and decided to do a little housework. I cleaned my room, did my laundry, and took a shower. I then decided to go the extra mile and shave my balls, since it'd been a while and I'd just bought a new trimmer. I finished trimming, and then, when I took to them with scissors to clean up, I cut off a piece of the scrotum by cutting too close to the skin (sac?). It didn't really hurt at all, besides a sharp pinch.. the worst part was realizing I'd gored myself with scissors. After the initial shock wore off, I threw the little circle of scrotum-flesh and flushed it down the toilet. I now have an M&M sized pink spot of raw flesh on my scrotum that's bleeding slightly. I put some neosporin on and have a bandage on it.. hopefully that should do it and it'll heal on it's own. | I gored my balls with scissors.. not as bad as you'd think. |
t3_1vribp | relationship_advice | Bit of a complicated situation to do with a breakup any advice appreciated. | I had an episode of pure selfishness on new years, to call it rage would be appropriate but it wasnt.
I wanted a way to stop feeling so pressured and to just be calm. I broke up with my girlfriend for no reason other than i was stressed and lashed out and now i hate what i did.
She understands it was the depression and she knows because she has depression as well but she is still hurt by what i did.
We are starting again seeing each other but now im more lucid and less self hating its not enough i just want my girlfreind back to talk to.
We cuddled last night and watched tv but when i asked her where we stand she just said we are going in the right direction and nothing else. Im having trouble seeing this as a good sign.
Do i keep this person in my life? Do i cut her out for her sake as well as mine?
I respect her decision and I am learning my lesson more and more every day, this wont happen again im seeing a councillor for the first time in an effort to control myself to be a better person.
Any advice on how to carry on? What do i do? How do i fix this? Can i even fix it? | Broke up with girlfriend over depression, we still seeing each other but im having trouble dealing with how slow its going. Just want to deal with it until we are in a better place. |
t3_2cu5tc | relationships | Me [50F] with my date [42 M] Moving too fast, advice on ending it. | Hi -
I am new to dating. Registered with a dating site and went out with a guy who seemed to have things together. This was last week that I "met" him online, and our date was last Saturday. There wasn't any spark for me, but told him that I would be interested in friendship.
So, I talked to him on the phone last night. He was drunk, and declared his attraction to me. I explained that I don't drink and my issue with an alcoholic ex-husband; this went over his head. At the end of the call he declared his attraction again, saying "I'd do anything for you." It was creepy.
He assumes a lot - it seems he thinks that just because we went on 1 date, we're supposed to be a couple, or something. He doesn't listen.
He is going camping at the end of this week, said he would call me Saturday. I was hoping for a sober time to tell him that I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with him.
This morning he emails me. This afternoon he calls and leaves a message. Just about 3 minutes ago I got another email.
He is pursuing me regardless of my attempting to make boundaries. I wrote an email to him to break it off, and would like your advice. Here it is:
The attraction you have for me is more than I am comfortable with. I realize you were drunk last night. As I told you, I have had bad experiences with alcohol and have made the choice to not have it in my life.
You seem like a really good person and I know you will find someone who is right for you.
Please do not contact me further.
What do you think? Something tells me that he isn't going to listen, and I'm afraid of his disregarding the email and continuing to pursue me anyway.
Thanks for any advice you have! | Only known guy a week; 1 date. I'm not interested, and he's pushing things anyway. |
t3_4wjizj | relationships | I [20M] feel surrounded but alone from my family. | I know my family loves me but I feel like they don't really care too much like they're all in their own worlds and I'm not really apart of them.
My mum and dad separated when I was young and ever since then my family has always felt separated and split up.
My dad remarried when was a huge blow to me because I always had hope that him and my mum would get back together but now I've come to peace with the fact that my dad loves someone else. Whenever I talk to him about how I feel he just keeps saying don't let it get to you.
My mum found someone new that we both loved to pieces he was my best friend and he loved me and my mum but unfortunately he passed away suddenly in a motorcycle accident, driver failed to give way and hit him, ever since then my mum has been hitting the bottle really hard and I know she's depressed and she keeps blaming the fact I am depressed on herself "My depression has brought you down." She used to say that to me when I would ask her I needed help.
My sister has started her new family and doesn't have time with us anymore which I hold no grudge over her for that but as soon as mum and dad separated she left home. I've talked to her about my depression but she keeps telling me that I need to get over it and start becoming an adult and just move on with life.
I don't really know what to do I've seen a councillor and after a couple visits he said he had a holiday and that he would call me once he got back. It's been a year now still haven't received a phone call.
I used to talk to my closest friends about this whenever I'd get down but because of this they have started distancing themselves to the point we barely speak anymore.
I'm at my wits end and I have no idea what to do and I'm looking for some advice. People say make new friends but I don't know how and I don't really feel comfortable opening up to someone so it's really rare for me to find someone I can talk to about these things. | I feel surrounded by people I love but feel alone when I'm feeling down. |
t3_4xw75z | relationships | Am I (25M) selfish in wanting more sex with my girlfriend (27F) now that I see her more often? | We've been together for nearly two years. For most of our relationship we've only seen each other 1 or 2 times a week, and we would be intimate pretty much every time. But on average about once a week.
Now I'm helping her get ready for some important exams, and I've seen her pretty much everyday for the past few weeks.
I feel and want more intimacy now that I see her more often, but she still only wants to have it once a week.
Am I unfair in wanting more because we get more facetime?
I've talked about with her but nothing. | see my girlfriend more and want more sex, but she still wants to have the same amount of sex as when we saw each other rarely |
t3_1ktztr | relationship_advice | I Hate The Internet | Today I (28yo female) read a g-chat exchange between my boyfriend (30yo male; heterosexual) and a female friend of his (28yo female; bisexual). My boyfriend was telling this friend how horny he was and how excited he was to go home and jerk off. Parallel to this conversation (and I didn't know at the time they were g-chatting) I had also been g-chatting with him, and told him I would be home early that day, as it was my last day at my current job. My boyfriend then IM'ed this female friend to express his frustration that I would be home first and thus he could not jerk off. She suggested he should just have sex with me to alleviate his horniness, but he replied "Never mind. Too much work."
This is not the first time that he has expressed that he would rather not do anything sexual because it is "too much work." As you can imagine, my Ego is quite damaged as my boyfriend would rather do nothing than have sex with me or at least inform me (as opposed to his female friend) that he is horny.
Thoughts? | 30yo boyfriend is telling his 28yo female friend that he is horny and not telling me (28yo girlfriend). In addition, knowing that I will be home before him he would rather not do anything sexual than have sex with me or tell me that he is horny. Thoughts? |
t3_2y8ybn | relationships | Me [20 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of two years, I've been emotionally manipulative lately. | I know I am in the wrong here, I'm not trying to explain my actions. Please don't be too harsh without advice. I just want to stop this awful habit and treat my boyfriend the right way.
Lately, when my boyfriend does not do something I want, I pout or say something that I think might change his mind.
For instance, last night we and some friends were about to go out together to eat and he called me about five minutes before we all met up to say he had a head ache and didn't want to go. I had been driving all day and said "it's okay if you don't go but I don't feel sympathy for you because you know I'm running on no sleep and have literally just driven home from a road trip (for scholastic reasons, think little sleep and lots of lectures)." Or I'll say something like "okay, I'll just do this fun thing (kayaking, watching the sunrise etc) that you're rejecting with someone else if I have to".
The good news is my boyfriend does not fall for it in anyway. He stands firm in his decisions. He's mentioned one time I seemed like I was trying to bully him and he wouldn't let me. Other than that instance, (which was more of a direct push for what I want, than an emotional tactic) he's not mentioned it. I want to kick this before it ruins our relationship.
I know that what I'm doing is manipulative and wrong. I hate that I've been doing this lately. I didn't realize I've developed this habit until last night. I'd like to accept when my boyfriend says no and not try to change his mind using emotionally manipulative tactics. It's a really douche move. What can I do to consciously break this habit?
What do you say, reddit? Can you help me be less of a dick? | I've been really Dickish when my boyfriend cancels plans or rejects an idea. How can I do better about accepting no as an answer gracefully? |
t3_tcdyf | AskReddit | It's Prom season, let's hear some of Reddits craziest Prom stories | I'll start. Senior prom, downtown Atlanta, get to the door to go in, principal says I'm not allowed inside because she was a fat bitch (whole nother story in its own). After raising absolute hell for a minute it started raining and they shut the doors. So me and my then girlfriend have a few hours to kill so we decide to just walk around the city...in a tux and dress... Which was not a good idea. After a few too many bum encounters we decided to walk into this outdoor shop/business office kinda fuckin thing. After exploring the place for a little bit we found a propped open door to the stairwell. (apparently they were doing work down in the parking garage down there. But we walked up the stairs TO THE FUCKIN INSTANT ACCESS ROOFTOP. And of course super smooth high school me suggests we fuck on the rooftop. I recommend this to everyone whenever available (came off the side of the building haha) so we after that, we make our way back down the stairwell and try to leave but of course all the doors lock from the inside. So we're panicking, thinking we're locked in here for a while. So after about 15 minutes of chilling in the stairwell (not going down to the parking garage, too many workers and official city people who would not have been pleased to see two teenagers running aroun his construction zone that late) but anyways, after losing all hope fuckin Randy Random comes walking out of his office after finishing up some overdue reports or some shit. I see him, feelsgoodman.jpeg. Bang on the door, he opens the door just takes a look at us giving me the duhfuq look and I just give him a wink and say "Great prom. Thanks for saving us bro" and walk back towards the prom. We almost miss the party bus back but everything turned out just fine, couldn't have asked for a better senior prom. | kicked out of prom, fuck on roof, trapped in stairwell, get saved and freak the fuck out of dude at the same time. |
t3_4qpq6n | relationships | Should I [22m] ask her [20f] out over text? | So here is the short version of this story. About a year ago there was this cute girl in a class i was a TA of sorts in. I wanted to ask her out back then but felt is was inappropriate seeing as how I was grading her assignments. Anyways, fast forward about a year later and we don't really talk all that much. We both happen to play the same sport at our college so that has kind of been a mutual talking point whenever we'd see each other. She popped up in my mind recently and I wanted to ask her out so I texted her and invited her to go play tennis with me. the plan was to ask her to lunch or something after but she is leaving the country for pretty much the rest of summer. So is it a bad idea to text her something like
"So listen, I know this is out of the blue but I want to be honest with you, I've thought you were cute from the first day i saw you and wanted to ask you out then but obviously I couldn't. Would you be down to go on a date with me when you get back? Dinner and a movie?"
Tonight or tomorrow before she leaves? | girl I haven't talked to in a while is leaving the country but I wanted to ask her out through text, should I wait? |
t3_hmyd2 | loseit | Friends to Keep Track Of | Hey there folks. I've been on my "actually getting off my ass and paying attention to calories" thing for a little over a week now, and I already feel like I'm making awesome progress.
I've got a request, though! What keeps me interested and motivated are the success stories and progress pictures that keep getting posted to /r/loseit every day. Seeing other people stay on track helps me do the same. With that in mind, anyone willing to link up as Friends on the [Lose it!] site to motivate each other? :D The more, the merrier! | Let's add each other on fitness sites. Find me on [Lose it!] and [My Fitness Pal] at norumu[at]gmail.com |
t3_4lepv1 | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend [18 F] 1 year, person hits on her over Facebook and IRL and I don't know what to do. | I really don't know how to go about this, because I feel like there probably isn't really an issue, but I want to know what you guys think of this.
So, I guess a little backstory is in order. My SO has known this person for almost as long as I've known her. He constantly talks to her over Facebook and IRL day and night, and while she finds him annoying she doesn't exactly have the heart to tell him to go away. She has told me on many occasions that he constantly tries to hang out with her and it has been obvious that he has a thing for her. She has reassured me that she somewhat hates him, and that while he has pursued her in the past that he has never actually tried or said anything.
While helping her the other day with a paper that she needed to finish, she had to log into Facebook using my laptop, because the person in question has a class with her and sent her a link with important info. While trying to find the link, she had to scroll through walls and walls of text, and while I never saw anything specific, I did see a few 'beautiful's and 'love you's.
Later on that night, I went to check Facebook and she hadn't logged out. Curiosity got the best of me, and I went back to their messages. It was a constant barrage of him flirting with her, and at some points got pretty intimate. Now, while she never actually flirted back, she also never makes any effort to tell him to stop.
Now, I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell her to stop talking with him, because she is her own woman and can make her own decisions with who she wants to talk with. However, it bothers me to no end that even while **he knows that she is in a relationship** that he doesn't care, and that she has done nothing to keep him from doing it.
Does anyone here have any advice on how to handle this? | Person my SO knows flirts with her constantly, she does nothing to stop him. What do I do? |
t3_1y4gyk | relationships | I [17/M] am not sure what to do with this relationship | I am interested in this girl, which happens to be my friends ex.
I am closer to her than to him though. When me and her first met, it was sometime during spring or summer of last year. Me and her instantly connected as friends though.
She understands me, unlike everybody else where I live. I have helped her and my friend with relationship problems before. Of course, I would rather her be happy with him than me happy with her.
From my point of view, their relationship wasn't the best. All he is interested in doing is smoking weed and she has told me that she feels he always needs to be high and is always high when they hang out.
Not too long ago, she ended up cheating on him. Her and I were talking about that, and she owned up to her mistake, and I'm not judging her on it, because we all make mistakes, and I could tell it was killing her inside, and she also lost a lot of friends because of it.
Her and her ex are trying to work stuff out, and they are kind of waiting a little before they start dating again to make sure it's what they both want. I'm waiting for a confirmation on whether or not they will be getting back together before I make any moves.
I have told her that I have my eye on someone (her), but she doesn't know it's her. I keep telling myself that I can't help who I'm attracted to.
Is this a wrong thing to do? How should I go about telling her without totally ruining the friendship between me and her?
Oh, and please, no judgment over the fact that she cheated. If anything happens between me and her, I will be cautious, but I doubt she will do it again. | Interested in friends ex. Closer to her than him. Is this wrong? How should I go about telling her I like her without ruining our relationship? |
t3_3mzkwv | relationships | Has anyone had success with a long term friendship(sexual/emotional tension always present) that turned romantic? | Kinda a simple question I guess, I (25M) have known a girl (25F) for about 6 years. We have been extremely good friends, and also have always had tension/frustration, especially when hanging out alone.
She had a boyfriend for the past 6 years, but they recently broke up, and our mutual, extremely strong feelings surfaced. I think we both have always had a "maybe at some point" thing in the back of our minds.
Just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences, good or bad? I think I'm mostly nervous because I usually either date a girl or move on fairly quickly. | is it reasonable to expect a good romantic relationship to surface after a 6 year friendship? |
t3_559775 | relationship_advice | [21/m] I feel like I am too far into the friendzone with this girl [21/f], but I want to change that, but I don't know how. | Hey all. Here's my rant.
Ok so I met this girl over the summer here at my college, and things were clicking, but I had a girlfriend at the time. Soon afterwords, my girlfriend and I broke up. Fast forward to a few months later (now), Girl and I are friends and we hang out a lot, but she had this thing with another guy over the summer, and he broke her heart hard. And she's still hanging on to him. And even though he is trying to make things work with his ex, he is still stringing her along. It kills me, but she tells me everything about their situation and asks for advice about it. It also seems like she's flirting with me, too, but in a friend kind of way. She is also looking to me to hook her up with my exchange student roommate and again it kills me. I think it's kind of obvious that I'm in to her and that she would have to be blind not to see that. She also trusts me with things she says she has never told anyone else. She comes to me with her problems and she wants to hang out with me (and my roommate) a lot, but I feel like I am just further cementing my spot in the friendzone so much to the fact that it feels like I am heading to the "brother-zone". What do you all think i should do? | Met a girl, she trusts me with her problems, but still has a thing for a dick ex-boyfriend and my foreign exchange roommate, and I am sliding at 100,000 mph from the friendzone to the "brother-zone". Help? |
t3_ptqzd | AskReddit | Cupcake help? | So my knowledge of cupcakes is next to none, expect a few basic things, and I could never really eat them.. But enough about that.
My best friend's birthday is coming up in roughly 6 weeks, and she mentioned her love of cupcakes, so I thought it would be a perfect birthday present for her. Problem is, she lives in California and Im NZ, so I cant go around checking out what shops have the best cupcakes (and good on price too) she also mentioned something about a * carmel bomb cupcake which contained vanilla, caramel centre, butter cream frosting* Did a small google search on them, and I couldnt find anything that matched that description (my google skills are also terrible..) -_-
Also ideas on best cupcakes out there? I've looked through some sites, but I have no idea what any taste like.
.. | Need help with cupcakes to send to America for birthday present, recommedation on yummy cupcakes that arent too harsh on the wallet. |
t3_4z10rh | tifu | TIFU By not washing my hands | So I'm currently on holiday in Croatia and today we thought we'd go climb the walls of Dubrovnik (Kings landing in GoT). The hotel we're at is a 10 minuet bus ride from Dubrovnik and the buses come frequent enough but even then the bus is always fully packed even tho we're the first stop.
As expected there are no seats so I held onto the metal bar above our heads and the journey continues as expected. While climbing the walls I made sure to hold onto all the railings (to avoid falling to my death) and again everything was fine.
Getting the bus back was fine as I was able to snag myself a seat but once back at the hotel I felt I had earned myself a cold drink. We had a bucket of ice delivered to the room and I though "I'll just use my hands to move the ice", big mistake, dropped some onto the floor as I walked over over to my drink, just picked it up anyway and dropped it in to enjoy my cold reward.
Fast forward 30 mins I began to feel terrible, wanting to throw up really badly and just lying on my bed in general pain, my guess is that I picked something up on my hands while walking round and then forgot to wash it off leading to it being dropped directly into my drink.
Currently lying in bed not sure if I'll be able to enjoy the rest of my holiday without the fear of being sick. | I fucked up by touching every dirty surface in Dubrovnik and then moving ice to my drink with my hands |
t3_u5y7p | relationships | 22/M here whose insecurities from prior relationships might have ruined a current one. Advice needed. | 22/M & 22/F
I've been with a girl for about 9 months now, and she's great. She is (so far) everything that I've been looking for in a girl. But, because I got cheated on in my last relationship, I have issues trusting her. This has led to us arguing constantly the last month or so.
The other night she sat me down and said that was done, she wanted to be happy again and not have to deal with the bullshit. She said that she didn't know if she felt the same anymore and needed some time.
I know that she does care about me, and I know that I can (and will) be a better person and be the man that she wants and needs in her life. I just need help trying to convince her to give me another shot and let me prove it to her. I can't make her love me, but I can show her why she fell for me in the first place.
P.S. She went camping with her girlfriends this weekend and it's taking everything that I have in me not to text or call her. Is there any way that I can stop that? I know that if I blow up her phone it'll push her further away. | Girlfriend left me because of insecurities. Said she needs space, having trouble trying to cope. |
t3_2j6ww5 | relationships | Me [21 F] with my BF [21 M] of six months, I can't help but still feel sad that he accidentally ruined a dress I loved. | I interned over the summer at a fashion house and we had this insane employee discount sale event (the only time I was able to afford the clothes as a college student). I purchased this gorgeous dress that was a go-to for work, special events, or even a cool night out. It was $90, still expensive but not unaffordable, but I've never had a dress like it and knew it was versatile but a stand out.
I wore it about three times, and on the fourth wear, I wore it to an engagement party for my boyfriend's friends. I stayed over at my boyfriend's place afterward (I do that a lot) and accidentally left the dress behind.
Low and behold, he accidentally put it through the washing machine (it's a dry clean only piece). It shrunk drastically and got wrinkles that are irreparable. I was so upset but bit my lip and said it was okay since it was a genuine accident. My boyfriend said he felt terrible, but hasn't offered to make it up to me or do anything about it. I don't want to be a bitch and ask him to, but seriously, if I ruined any of his beloved new clothes, I'd at least offer to buy a replacement or buy dinner/drinks or SOMETHING.
I brought it up once after his initial apology saying I was still upset, and he just said he felt terrible about it. I said it's not his fault. I can't get over it though. I really liked that dress and it's painful seeing $90 go down the drain after such few wears and see him do NOTHING to make it up to me other than a "i'm so sorry".
One thing's for sure. Despite what he says I'm NEVER wearing my favorite/expensive clothes to his place. I don't want to risk it.
Do I just let it go? Will I get over it? | BF accidentally (permanently) ruins a beloved and expensive new dress of mine and I can't get over it. Am I a brat? |
t3_1il0im | AskReddit | Best way to have discussion with Supervisor? | In my current shop their are 3 Developers. 1 is an intern who recently turned full-time once he got enough college credit for his Associates Degree. We had 4, but our lead Developer with over 17yrs IT experience left for a better position elsewhere.
I have been in my current shop for over a year now. I was hired on straight out of college as an I.T. 1 at the lowest spectrum of the pay scale. Since that time I have learned a lot and become one of the most experienced Developers on our team, beaten in Seniority by only 4 months.
There are positions for I.T. 1-4, with requirements that the person has at least one years experience as the previous rank before they can move up.
What is the best way to go about discussing with my Supervisor that I would be interested in moving up to an I.T. 2? My opinion carries weight in a lot of decisions made during development these days and my supervisor knows I am dependable for almost any task.
I know a lot of employees in the agency move up by simply changing departments when openings happen, getting assigned I.T. 1-4 based on their experience, but I like where I am at and don't desire to leave just yet.
I had planned to bring it up during my Employee review, but after my 6-month probationary period ended I was told we would have the first one after another 6-months, with each year thereafter. It has now been over 8 months since my probationary period ended and I'm trying to figure the best way to bring the issue up.
Any help appreciated. | How best to approach supervisor about interest in moving up from an I.T. 1 to an I.T. 2? |
t3_tblds | AskReddit | So I get extremely overwhelmed whenever I try to shop...what can I do to help this? | So I've always been okay socially. I have a good group of friends, that I have known for years. I have a girlfriend of almost a year and don't usually have a problem conversing with people in general. I admit I'm a little awkward with people I don't know, but who isn't?
I've noticed in the past few years, however, that whenever I go to the store (especially clothing stores) to purchase something I become very reclusive. I get extremely overwhelmed and I come out of the situation feeling extremely uneasy and awkward. I'm not sure what it is, if its social anxiety or if its something more simple to explain.
Take, for example, yesterday...I decided to meet my girlfriend at the mall, because she wanted to go shopping and I needed a few things myself. I was in a great mood when I got there and we started off shopping for her. This went fine. I mean I felt like I was a little in the way and slightly unsure what to do with myself, but I was still conversational. Then we decide to go to a store and look for some clothes for me. As soon as I walk in I realize I don't know where to start. There are so many different things to choose from. Everything is so organized, and I don't want to mess it up. I just sort of froze up. My mind felt almost like it went completely blank. With my girlfriend's help I ended up trying a few things on and buying some of them, but after that I felt off. Like I just did not feel like myself any more. I couldn't put together a conversation afterwards, my mind was all over the place. Or rather it just seemed to not even be there functioning
I'm sure that I'm not the only one who gets this, I'm just wondering if anyone has a way of overcoming it. | I get uncomfortable/overwhelmed shopping to the point that I freeze up and cannot think. Does anyone have any advice to help with this? |
t3_4mykfp | relationships | Me [22F] with my Boyfriend [21M] Am I Being Selfish? | Hi, I've been with my Boyfriend for 3 years, he is 8 years younger than me. He is at Uni (200 miles away from me) and we like to take weekend trips when we can, to London, Edinburgh etc.
But I always feel like we are doing things that I want to do? I'm always picking the places and things to do (bc he's a student & I work, I pay for all of it) like museums and things.
We usually go to museums, gardens, animal parks etc but he's more a metal head and I feel like I'm being selfish? He says he enjoys going anywhere with me but I still feel like I don't think of what he wants enough?? I've tried asking him he says he's happy with whatever we do. Does anyone know what metal heads like to do? Am I being paranoid? | I feel selfish bc I kinda drag my boyfriend to things I want to do when we go away |
t3_g6szk | dating_advice | Question about calling a girl after a first date | OK, so I don't usually go to the Internet for dating advice but I thought I would ask the fine people of reddit a question about a date I had last night.
I should have asked this earlier.. but last night I went out on a date with this girl.. we hit it off really well.. walked around the city for a while then wound up cuddling and kissing a bit in my car. Do you think I should send her a text or give her a call?
(After the date she texted me 'I had a great time' to which I replied 'me too').. | How long do you wait to call a girl after the first date if the date goes well? |
t3_2yle16 | tifu | TIFU by telling a very sick child that they were going to end up brain-dead. | This happened quite literally 30 minutes ago.
I am a male pediatric RN who works full time as a nurse for sick children.
One of our 'frequent flyers' (a chronically ill patient who has frequent hospital admissions) has a progressive neurological disorder, and includes loss of faculties as the disease progresses.
This particular patient is a HUGE fan of the 'Veggie Tales' series, and watches them over, and over, and over. He doesn't watch anything else, ever.
His mother is present at all times and very active in his care, but it is a sad situation to watch a child's health gradually decline.
So as I am caring for the patient, he is watching 'Veggie Tales' on his tablet, as always.
This is where I f'd up. In an attempt at playful banter, I let this gem fly:
"You sure do love the Veggie Tales, don't you? One of these days you're going to turn into a vegetable yourself!"
Cue immediate regret, and expression of shock on mother's face. | Told a chronically ill child, who LOVES the 'Veggie Tales' cartoon, that he was going to turn into a vegetable. |
t3_4jlfu7 | relationships | I'm [33M] wondering if I should break no contact with my ex [26F] | I dated this girl for about 5 months. She told me she loved me like crazy and bought me gifts and what not. I was unsure. She poured on the affection. Then I started liking her a lot and did a bunch of insecure things and she started backing off. I chase...and blah blah blah screwed it up. She also has a child and lives an hour from me. She alsmost got fired at work and her boss told her he thinks I'm a distraction. (I want to kick his ass). She's also been separated for 4 years and the divorce is...well today actually. I could tell her attraction had fallen way down and she eventually broke it off with me about 4 days ago. I'm 33 and this is first person I've ever dated that I have felt is just like me. I don't want to be her friend, but her lover and friend. We haven't agreed to no contact but I told her she knows where I stand and she should get in touch with me if she's interested. As I think about all of the mistakes I made during the relationship, I also tend to think about how stubborn she and I are. I'm worried that maybe she does want to communicate with me but is being stubborn. I also really don't want to eff this up. Any words would be appreciated.
Thanks | I believe she could be too stubborn for no contact to work. |
t3_1c160l | relationship_advice | 19[f] What was his problem? | So this is going to be less dramatic and interesting than the other posts here because I was never actually in a relationship with the guy (20), who we'll call M.
Basically we had a friends with benefits style relationship which was going well. Towards the start I had asked if he wanted a relationship or just fun to which he (had to think about for a while and got back to me later) chose the latter, which is fine, I wasn't emotionally invested yet.
However things got weird after I asked that question. He asked if I wanted to go to the zoo with him. I did, and he referred to it as a date, even paying for me on the day (because according to him thats how dates worked, but I paid him back anyway since.. it wasnt a date). He got me a joke valentines card (said he wanted to do something for valentines) and we had gone out for drinks sometimes with his friends and that was always a lot of fun. It all seemed pretty relationshippy, the constant messaging, almost daily sex etc.
But because this wasn't 'a real relationship' I figured I was allowed to date. So I went out with this guy and the first date went really well. We ended up going out to a club after and M was there too. It felt really shady having them both there so I told both of them (separately) about each other. Basically the night ended with me leaving with my date (while awkwardly making eye contact with but not speaking to M, who left when the date showed up again)
Since then he's not messaged me and gave really cold responses to my texts. I apologised but he was non responsive, saying it was done now, can't do anything about it.
What the fuck was his problem?? He had mentioned before that he would prefer if i didnt sleep with anyone else and he didnt want to sleep with anyone else either. But we were fuckbuddies!? In my mind I did nothing wrong, but he took so much offense to the whole thing it's made me doubt myself.
I just really wanted some kind of impartial unbiased view of whats going on with him from Reddit. | M gets super pissed at me for seeing someone else even though we were just fuckbuddies. |
t3_1lvoor | dating_advice | Should I (20F) try and forget this summer fling (20M)? | School's starting soon, we're going to be separated by almost 3 hours. We've been dating for the past month and it's been very enjoyable, emotionally and physically. Initially I didn't see a point in starting a relationship (been in a LDR - never again), but then he mentioned visiting me during the year, since his friend goes to school near me. Shoot. Now my hopes are up. I would really like to see him again, and while I AM sad that there's a possibility we might never speak again, I can't help but cling onto the hope that he'll actually visit me. Part of me wants to try and salvage any communication between us during the school year, and the other part just wants to let go now and move on. I've been in a LDR before and it's tough as hell, except this time I'd be trying to create some sort of relationship with someone I'm technically not even in a relationship with. But if I cease all contact, we might drift apart and I might never see him again (zero mutual friends, we met at work) and right now, it stings. At this moment I don't even want a relationship with him (distance being the main issue). I just want to see him again.
I'm fairly conflicted as to what I should do. I'm almost certain the correct answer is to forget about him, but maybe there's another option? | Moving hours away from summer fling. He says he'll try to visit. I could either: try and save our bond (ie. invest emotionally = stress) for the possibility that I can see him again, or drop it now and move on. |
t3_1zf498 | relationships | Me [19 M] with my girlfriend [20F] of over 2 years, broke up, trying to fix things but confused. (LDR) | Me and my Long distance (one state away) girlfriend recently broke up due to issues and such related to work and other free time. She said that I didn't let her live her life and let her do things as she'd like. Which is true, however I never realized it hurt her as much as it did as she never really indicated it that much.
Anyways, so we broke up and I been trying to fix things. It's been about 2 weeks, and she doesn't talk to me, or respond to any messages/texts until late at night, before then she plays games, and spends time with her cousin. Which is fine, but it ends up me waiting until 2AM to even get a message.
When we can talk, I tried telling her the obvious stuff such as that I love her, I changed, I miss her, etc. But generally any reply is something along the lines of "I don't know" or "ok". I tried asking if maybe she'd be fine spending a bit of time with me before she's half asleep, but it always ends as "maybe" and then not.
One other thing I note is when she does respond, she'll sometimes ask to watch things with me, and since this is a long distance relationship, we had this thing where at the end of the night we'd *stay on the microphone or phone while we sleep*. Anyways, she still does that, which gets me really confused at what she's thinking (along with the fact if she really didn't want to see me, she could have just deleted me and blocked me from things). I asked if we'd ever have a chance at this again, so that I could prove to her that I changed, but as above. "I don't know", same with "do you think we could stay friends"
So anyone have any advice on what might be going on or advice on what to do. I've had partners before, but this is the first girl I feel like I truly love, so it hurts right now. | Long distance girlfriend broke up, trying to talk to her is hell but maybe a chance? |
t3_2oabuz | relationships | My ex [25M] wants nothing to do with my [24F] pregnancy. Not sure if I should tell his parents they're becoming grandparents. | I'd like to have both male and female opinion on this.
I'm 19 weeks pregnant at the moment and the father doesn't want the kid. He has said since the beginning that I should have an abortion or figure it out myself. That's rough, but his decision.
Now he's hiding my pregnancy for his new girlfriend, but way worse, also for his family...
I'd really like if my child could be in contact with the father's side of the family... I think that would be in the adventage of my kid..
He is of opinion that I can't seek contact with his family while he's trying to keep me and my baby a secret to them.
He says that it's better for them if the do not know... but I think that it's better for him, because they will start a conversation with him about him not wanting to take care of his child..
Who is right? Can he demand of me to not seek contact with his family and help him keep me and my pregnancy a secret? Is this not me being an accomplish in denying people the right to know they're going to have a grandchild/nephew? | Ex wants to keep me and my pregnancy a secret to his family, I don't feel right about that. |
t3_3hud9q | relationships | BF watches porn everyday | My (24F) serious bf (23M) of about 6 months now watches porn everyday. I understand that he is going to watch it, but to engage in it (watching porn/looking at nudes) everyday seems like a lot to me. When I try to talk to him about it, he just seems to get defensive or mad at me, saying I am the only girl who does not understand. I am just wondering how common it is for someone in a relationship to do these things. If it is as frequent as looking everyday, I would like to know ways in which I can be more comfortable with it or more acceptable of it. I would hate for something so petty to put a strain on our relationship. | BF watches porn everyday and I would like to know if this is common. If so, how do I become more comfortable with it? |
t3_120lqk | AskReddit | Reddit, we have about 80 years to live. What goals and dreams do you have? If you don't have any just yet, what are some things you want to do before you die? Be as specific as possible, and don't be shy! I'll start. | I'm 23 and for as long as I can remember I've always just wanted to fall off the radar for as long as possible and just roam. I want to explore the world's nature, cultures, well pretty much everything before it's too late. I'm pretty much hooked on /r/EarthPorn, and that subreddit just continually whispers to my sub-consciousness "Go." I can't stand being cooped up in a cubicle day in and day out, then going home to sit around and do nothing. I think humans are meant for something far greater than just existing in a cubicle.
Also If I ever man up and do this I'd love to go to and underprivileged country and teach English there, and really dedicate some time to helping out those who can't help themselves. I think it would mean much more to them to have someone dedicate time to their well-being rather than receive anonymous donations, even though I'm sure they appreciate those with all of their heart. Maybe it would inspire others to help as well, or at least I'd like to think it would.
I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that now that I'm older I really realize how short life is and how little time we have. I'd rather be saying "Oh well." than "What if?". On my deathbed I really don't want to think back about all the things I had time to do but instead spent them in a cubicle on a computer, entering meaningless data into Excel. Instead I'd like to reflect on what a time this whole experience was.
I don't really have a bucket list yet, but I think I will compile one just to have a set of things I'd like to do before I kick it. | I want to be a hobo for a while, and eventually teach English in underprivileged countries. |
t3_107t3i | AskReddit | I'm in a abusive relationship, I have no clue what to do. Can someone please help me or give me advice? | Throw-away for a few reasons.
I am in a abusive relationship, I wish I could just leave, but I can't. The abuse had been going on for awhile.. I had raised a daughter with my fiancee at the time and finally after he beat me one day I decided to leave.. I had someone to rely on then but no longer do I have that, I was pregnant with his son. Having no where to go I had to go back to him after he begged for me to come back. The apartment we live in is under both of our names
I'm to scared to contact the authorities and I really don't want this to hurt my children or myself in anyway. The last thing I want to see is him go insane and hurt us.
He is abusive towards the kids physically and verbally, but at the same time can be a good dad. I no longer have connections with my parents due to difficulties with them. I'm not allowed to leave the house anymore unless he times it and even allows it. I have to sleep on the sofa every night. He has hidden my asthma inhaler just to see me go into a asthma attack just so I would beg for it back. I don't have my GED, or my high school diploma due to me having to leave school early.
I'm not the best looking woman so I know me ever finding another man to help me is far out of the question. I just need help, I'm tired of running in circles and tired of the constant stress and grief this is bringing to both me and my kids. | in a abusive relationship, constantly harrased, beaten, yelled at. Not sure of where to go or what to do. |
t3_3xjobp | relationships | I [21F] am going to see my "boyfriend" [22M] for the first time in months. I've gained a lot of weight. | I've been seeing this guy for about five years. We're basically in an open relationship, even though neither of us is seeing anyone else.
He moved out of state for college after we had been dating for a year, and I use to see him every couple of months. But he moved to a new state, that's even farther away, so I haven't seen him for almost a year.
During the year, I have been super sick and I'm on a million different medications, so I've gained a lot of weight... I feel so gross and I know he will be super turned off when he sees me. Also he has been running and working out a lot lately, it sounds like he's probably lost weight. I feel guilty that he is trying to better himself and I am over here just gaining weight like crazy.
We talk everyday and I feel like I should let him know I've gained weight, so he isn't shocked when he sees me. But I'm scared to tell him...
Should I just wait until we see each other, or should I let him know ahead of time? | I got fat and don't know how to break it to my man friend. |
t3_3gb83y | relationships | Wife (35F) having emotional affair, kissed boss (51M), now claims attempted assault.... | So about 2 or 3 months ago, my wife started telling me that her boss was flirting hard with her and making inappropriate comments for approximately 6-8 months. She didn't want to go to HR because he's a doctor and without him the speciality office she works in would close and her and her coworkers would be unemployed.
She's been getting increasingly distant since, and acting very strange. I finally had enough and confronted her.
During the course of the conversation, she admitted that she been flirting back, exchanging texts, etc. and had kissed him and basically let him feel her up in the stairwell at the hospital. Naturally I was upset but I didn't say anything or lose my temper.
Then, she broke down. She said that a couple weeks ago, he cornered her in his office after a weekend call case, started kissing her, and somehow got all of his clothes off before she could "get away."
But she still doesn't want to report him, report what I would call an assault, and wants to keep working there.
I'm so confused and I just don't know what to think. Is she having an affair and that story is an attempt to make me less mad or throw me off the scent? Is she really sorry about the kiss and genuinely upset about the office encounter?
Am I totally a sucker, or what? How the hell do I handle this, knowing she has off hour call where the two of them will be alone in the future?
Help! | Wife admitted kissing boss, then says he tried to assault her weeks later; she still wants to work there and refuses to report him. |
t3_o6682 | BreakUps | i feel broken | This is my very first post. i thought to upload a pic of my dog on /r/aww but it just didn't feel right. i had to let it out to someone. and the person this post is about is the only person i could talk to. so to the story. im male and 15. im a popular really nice guy. i have many friends. and well liked. one day this gorgeous red haired girl comes up to me and says hi. and when i say gorgeous i mean you just stand there and stare at her. she's stunning.well we hit it off and became best friends. like inseparable friends. we have been friends since i was 12. so a little while now. and through middl school drama and girl troubles she was there for me. through her rape(yes she got raped) i was there for her. i got her to trust guys and made her feel important. not some trash that could be used than thrown away, as her rapist made her feel. i would walk for 3 hours to her house when she needed me and i was always her shoulder to cry on. when i came down with a not-so-lethal tumor in my brain she was in the hospital with me day and night. when the pain was to excruciating she was there to take it away. even when i got told my cancer spread and was lethal she was still strong. to cut to the chase i beat it 6 months ago. and with serious rehab to build my muscles up again she was there. (i skateboard and rap and about to try out for football) so im pretty healthy. but the last month we fought. for the first time. ever. and she hates me for something i cant remember. now i know i love her. i truly love every flaw and perfection. i love her laugh and eyes. i dont use her for perverted reasons. we are more like friends with benefits. but she wont talk to me. | i had some sort of major break up and need help |
t3_3eeck8 | relationship_advice | I'm [31 M] My girlfriend [27 f] is an AMAZING human being! But she's a very bad kisser and it's killing our intimacy. How do I fix this without offending her? | My girlfriend is AMAZING. Beautiful, smart, and an incredibly truly good person. Hard to find and a real catch. I'm lucky to have her. I care for her a lot. But her kiss is a close mouth pucker, if that. Think like a very light peck you'd give a friend on the cheek except repeatedly and on the lips. And a BIG kiss is holding her lips against mine for a longer time. We literally just touch lips repeatedly and it's starting to turn me off to the whole physical experience with her. And when she kisses my face or shoulders or forehead, it's without exaggeration, just lightly touching the surface of her skin to mine. No smooch.
I don't want to lose her but also don't want a relationship that lacks the intimacy anyone would crave. I consider myself to be a relatively good kisser and have been told as such by enough different people to believe it. My girlfriend and I are in our late 20's early 30's and both have strong sex drives (hers probably stronger than my own) though mine is starting to fall off around her because of this.
She seems to not embrace her own sexuality. She's very pretty but dresses like a kindergarten teacher is large unshapely, poofy dresses with a shall over her shoulders. Can't see any of her form. I'm ok with the modesty but can't get her to feel sexy and BE sensual. It's a very G rate experience up until home base. Is it possible to fix this without offending her? How? | My girlfriend is amazing and I'm lucky to have her but she's a really bad kisser and it's ruining the intimacy. Need to fix this without offending her |
t3_wbbos | AskReddit | What are the incidents that seem to have the smallest consequences, but end up affecting you long term? | Once when I was in middle school, I went on a field trip to the Florida keys. It was fun, I was sick and wasn't feeling well, and it was the last day there. We (the students from my school who's parents would pay the over-$1000 fee, including mine) were the last people there, including the camp staff. The complex was outdoors, as well as the shower house. So I go up with one of my friends, and he says "we should take a nude shower" (keep in mind that these are outdoors, the sides and front of the showers are covered but the backs aren't). So me, being all cool, go through with it. I thought nobody would see, because all the other schools left. So lo and behold, right as I'm pulling the shorts up, a camp counselor comes up to me and starts yelling at me. He gets my info (and my friends) and leaves. So we get on the bus for the long drive home, and about an hour later we stop at Wendy's. Then the teacher running the field trip talks to me and tells me I should tell my parents. I text them and we forget about it. This was over spring break. School gets back in, Monday is fine, then Tuesday I get called up. File an incident report. Parents go in and I almost get expelled. They work it down to a suspension, and the school is banned from the sea camp. | Took a pantsless shower outside at a field trip in middle school (sides and front of the showers are covered), and after a delay of a couple weeks I almost get expelled. |
t3_12z50q | AskReddit | I recently screwed over my friend, yet he has forgiven me and we're still great friends. Reddit do you have friends who you've screwed over and they still forgive you? *NSFW (offensive text) | Background: One of my best friends in high school was 'in love' with a girl who knew it and was never really 'into' my friend. She was his dream girl throughout high school and a little post-high school until he finally got over her (after lots of rejection) and started aiming towards her best friend. He was overly smitten and 'in love' with this girl too, much of last year in which we were roommates together. He would invite her over and watch movies, text 200+ times a day, watch netflix together despite being 3 hours away.. the most he got was a kiss from her.
Fastforward: I was drunk, with some of my other best friends and met up with this 'in love' best friend and his former and present dream girls. His present dream girl starts showing interest in one of my other best friends, there's a little emotional scuffle between some of them, I decide to get a ride home with my best friends (minus the one 'in love') and we go back to my place. We think it would be hilarious if a couple of us just had a threeway with the former dream girl... so my best friend & I did. Then, as I'm leaving my room I realize my best friend (who just banged the other girl with me) is banging my 'in love' best friend's current dream girl. Drunk me is an asshole, and I decided it would be even more hilarious if I ran the train on this girl after.
My 'in love' best friend found out, and I apologized to him in person and he forgave me. He also told me multiple times on facebook/text/other friends 'There's no way I could hate you. I love you too much as a brother'.
I don't deserve such a great friend and realize I'm a total asshole. No amount of sorry's can be said to deserve forgiveness, yet one was enough for him. Thanks | I banged both my best friends dream girls and he's forgiven me and we're still friends/ |
t3_2quaam | relationships | My mother [49 F] is angry with me [22 F] for not being sad about my grandfather's death. | My maternal grandfather recently passed away. It came as a surprise, even though we knew he had poor health. (He smoke and drank a lot during his lifetime, and its effects really came out these past few years.)
When my mother told me, I just kind of received the news with an "Okay, I'm sorry." I think I was blank-faced, because my mother became angry with me and demanded to know why I wasn't sad enough, why I wasn't crying, how could I not be upset over my own grandfather's death. She kept berating and yelling at me until my father intervened. Things have been awkward since, and I still think she's angry at me.
I feel awful about the whole situation. The truth is that although I feel sorry he died, I'm not that sad. I feel like a stranger died and not my grandfather. When other people's relatives die, they are devastated, but I feel relatively little. I am also confused and upset by my mother's behavior. My mother did not have a good relationship with her father (my grandfather) and part of the reason I didn't have a close relationship with him is that she only let me rarely see him. Also, she used to complain before that he was not a nice man and was physically and financially abusive to his wife and kids, so I've always had a negative opinion of him. But she's extremely upset by his death and I don't know how to handle it. | Grandfather died, and I don't really feel sad about his death because I wasn't really close to him. Mother gets angry at me for my lack of reaction. I feel guilty and frustrated. |
t3_3iy2cb | relationships | GF [23/F] doesn't like the idea of me [27/M] being apart from her. We've been together for almost 2 years. | I have a business trip coming up and it'll require me to go away for a period of a few days or even a week. My GF has stated in the past that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who travels a lot, but my line of work will require me to travel every now and then.
To be fair, I may have given her a reason to dislike me being away, as I'm not much of a phone-call guy and in the past when I was away I didn't call her much and gave her the impression she is bothering me. I think I've grown since then but still, I want her to understand I love her and think about her even if we don't talk.
I see other people in a relationship and I feel like they are more "independant" than me, they can go away for a week and generally they feel like an individual. I keep attributing that feel into them being in a relationship for longer than I am, but I wonder if that's true. To be clear, I love her very much, we live together and I see my future with her and only her.
This trip isn't mandatory but I want to make a good first imperssion and show up and help, and more importantly - I want to go and have fun doing what I love, how do I tell her that without hurting her feelings? | gf loves me very much and I love her. I want to go away for business for a few days/week but she won't like it. Any advice? |
t3_2g1opx | relationships | I [17 M] feel very empty and conflicted after a breakup. I don't know what to do. | I met my ex-girlfriend a little over a year ago. I'll spare the details of how we got together, but we had been together for about a year. Over that time she became my best friend. I shared everything with her, I had complete trust. She was my first serious girlfriend, I had so many firsts, I lost my virginity and overall matured a lot in my opinion.
A few days ago she told me she needed to talk. I didn't think it was anything bad, things like this happened all the time. We talked about everything and it seemed completely normal. To my surprise, she told me that she just doesn't seem to have any romantic feelings towards me anymore. She said she still considers me one of her best friends and whenever im ready, whether that's in a week, a month or never she'd like to talk to me again because she doesn't want to lose me.
This was devastating, I still have feelings for her and I do consider her my best friend. I don't want to lose my best friend. I don't blame her for not feeling romance towards me, that's just something that happened and that's ok. I would love to still be friends and talk to her about my problems and go to her when im upset.
A lot of people say staying friends after breaking up doesn't work but I don't know what I'd do if it couldn't. There was more to the relationship than sex and dates, she was my best friend and I don't feel like I have to lose her. Can this work out? I'm very stressed about it but I want to make it work. | My girlfriend/best friend and I broke up but we want to stay friends, I don't know what I'd do without her. Can it work? |
t3_1a95mo | loseit | To that guy at the gym... | I know your intentions were good, I really do. You might have thought asking "Hey, what muscles are you trying to work?" while I am obviously doing a reverse cable curl and then telling me that the robe would be better and switching it out for me was helpful, but it's not.
Telling me that I might want to sit while doing them, you know, so I don't hurt my back, is also not helpful.
Being a girl, I already feel a little self conscious using dumbbells and that big weighted cable thing (see, I don't even know what it is called) around all the huge buff guys that are doing 100lb hammer curls, while I am doing 15lb. Pointing out to me that you feel I should be doing things differently to be "easier" does not make me feel more comfortable. It's not supposed to be easy. Why would I want it to be easy? Because I'm a girl? I want to sweat, I want my muscles to be sore the next day, I want my arm to feel weak when I throw my gym bag over my shoulder on the way out.
While you may have thought you were making me feel at ease and that you were being a nice guy, I would rather you not.
It's not that I don't want to talk to people at the gym, it's that I don't want to feel like you are watching me and thinking I have no idea what I am doing.
Has anyone else had similar situations?
/rant | You thought you were being helpful, but you just made this girl feel self conscious with your hints and suggestions |
t3_1vexqs | relationships | Me [26 F] with my boss[55 M] He is making me hate my job. | I work at a job and I love it, out of my 3 current jobs this is the one I look forward to every week. Except I recently started working one on one with my boss. And I realized what a horrible idea it was about an hour in. He completely belittles me and criticizes every little detail that I do. I feel like nothing at the end of the day, completely useless, stupid, and incompetent. Just thinking about the next time I go into work makes me nauseated and have dark thoughts. It's not just one single event or thing he says, just constant criticism and snide remarks that make me start to believe I am shit. I know it sounds insignificant, but I came back from work crying today. I can't recall the last time I cried.
I realize that it's not his job to know that I'm struggling with depression and anxiety, or what my financial situation is, but I don't talk to ANYBODY the way he does. Apparently a few (3 or 4) people have quit in the past because of his personality. Any advice? | I loved my job, my boss makes me hate it and my life at the end of the day. |
t3_13adhv | relationships | I [m27] Am Having a Hard Time Getting Used To The New Dynamic With My Ex [F27] | I am posting this in /r/relationships because it's not a recent breakup and is about our relationship now. So 2 years ago, my ex and I broke up after being together for nearly 7 years and living together for 4.
We've been friendly with each other since, and while we rarely hang out, I am having an incredibly hard time getting used to the new dynamic between us. Even though logically I don't want to get back together (she even toyed with the idea before... I was against it), I am finding it difficult to adjust to a "just friends" level without the flirting, chemistry, etc.
How do I do that? We both acknowledge that it's just sad that we broke up (not hard feelings... we were on different wavelengths in life) and she originally broke up with me to be with a guy she is still with now... even though she's brought it up in the past that it would be different if we just agreed on our future.
How can I hang out and not get saddened by it still? It's been 2 years, I'm over her for the most part, but the new dynamic makes me feel like we never even had anything or we ever even dated. | We broke up 2 years ago. I am having a tough time adjusting to the new dynamic. |
t3_j3dc2 | AskReddit | If everyone knows that politicians are liars, bought and paid for by opposing rich and powerful individuals, why don't we do anything about it? | To clarify, I don't mean anything irrational or violent like overthrowing a government should be done. Violence doesn't solve anything, wars are primitive and territorial. Is there not a legal process of providing evidence of said politician's amoral crimes against their citizens/humanity and removing those responsible from office?
Now I understand that it is entirely within their rights by way of our legal system to take bribes in the form of campaign money from wealthy and powerful sponsors, but is there no way for the citizens of a country to take legal action against clearly biased representatives, who purposefully mislead citizens? Have we let them barricade themselves by law into power, free from impeachment?
Is it not obvious to everyone that there is something wrong with allowing roughly 500 people to make decisions for about 310 million? There must be something we can do to make a real difference, and I don't mean "vote for a different representative" because it's all a masquerade anyhow.
I know it's pretty much a rant that we've all heard before but I would love to know if there is anything we as citizens can actually do besides bite our nails and hope for the better of two evils. Any lawyers or people schooled in law that could help me understand what a citizen can do to make real changes happen in my lifetime? Is it possible to ban lobbyists from buying our government or to end this game that the rich and powerful play with humanity? How can we the people impeach those who are clearly not interested in providing for their country as well as bar similar scoundrels from office? | Is there something citizens can do to really make changes happen in our government like stopping all lobbyists from buying our representatives or removing representatives with clear ulterior motives from office? |
t3_2fxpsy | tifu | TIFU by attempting to buy Destiny... | So I'm a college student and I work a part time job for a little extra money. I get paid on Tuesdays. I didn't have the money to buy destiny but I typically receive payment at midnight so I headed off to the midnight release expecting to have $140 delivered to my account just before release. I arrived and for some reason It was delayed. I decided to buy it in the morning when gamestop opened. On my way I stopped to get gas. I used my card to purchase the gas at the pump without realizing paying for gas with debit automatically puts a $100 charge on your account regardless of how much gas you actually purchase. Having no idea this had happened I walked in to gamestop to purchase my game and when I attempted to pay the cashier informed me there was only $40on my card. I then realized what had happened. The cashier had already charged the $40 to my account though and so now I have no money in my bank account and the $100 charge from the gas station will not be updated to the correct amount until next Tuesday effectively leaving me completely broke for the next week and without destiny. | bought gas. It overcharged my account leaving me completely broke for the next week. |
t3_34fqq4 | tifu | TIFU by wiping sweat off my face | Today I went to the gym and worked out. Ran on the elliptical for 40 minutes. I guess all that working out made my bowels excited, and I had to take a massive dump.
It's really smeary and wet, but I get it all out. My heart is racing from the workout, as well as the pooping.
Here's where I fucked up:
I was still sweating from the workout and had to wipe it off. My stupid brain decided it would be a good idea to use the toilet paper I just wiped with to wipe the sweat off of my forehead. FUCK. Why did I do that?
Yes, I smeared wiped poop all over my face. I started freaking out. I quickly waddled out of the stall with my pants around my ankles, eyes barely open, probably had poop around my butthole, and I went to the sink as fast as I could. I splashed water and soap on my face as fast as possible and scrubbed hard. I was dry heaving a little by this point. I got it all off, pulled my pants back up, went back into the stall and finished wiping.
I don't know if anybody was in the locker room at the time. If there were, I probably scared them off. | poop smeared all over my face |
t3_1kkt89 | relationships | I [20m] met a girl [21F] at a mates party but she ives 3 hours drive away? | So I went to a friends 21st party and met her friends, me and one of her friends really hit off and was clear we liked eachother, her friends told me and we were holding hands and dancing together. We stayed the night at her friends house and me and her stayed in a different room to the others so all was good.
So I got her number and today before we both go home, I left her a text 12 hours ago saying it was nice to meet you and hope to see you soon, but she hasn't replied :/ so not sure what to think of that?
The other issue is we live about 3 hours drive from each other, what should I do? I'm happy to drive to her every now and then, but just not sure what to make of it.
Thanks for you help, sorry for the long read. | Met a girl at a party, like each other, but live 3 hours apart, what should i do? |
t3_1qna64 | relationships | Gf of 5 years drunk cheats | So both of us currently 21. At the time she was 20, not that it makes a difference... she goes on a girls weekend for spring break. She went from not drinking really to drunk all week. Made out with some dude from another state multiple times while drunk. Slept in same bed. "Nothing else happened". Lies about it all, then confessed. Still texted him for a few months after the incident knowing it ate me alive inside. Got mad at me for being pissed off for all of it. And every time they texted.
She gets over it, feels bad, but I can't shake the thought of what happened. It's still in the back of my head. Couldn't leave her because what we've had for the past 5 years means a lot to me. Note u that was all 8 months ago now.
How do I get over these thoughts. I want to forget but it's always there. | gf cheats, lies, comes true. Gets over it but I can't. Help. |
t3_4a3rir | relationships | Me [21F] with my friend [21M], how do I help him with the loss of his father? | My friend Brian just lost his dad. He is their only child and his parents are quite elderly so his mum will rely on him in this time. How can I be a good friend and support him? I don't know what to do or what to say. The cremation is tomorrow, I don't know what to do to support him in a Chinese ceremony ( I added Chinese as I'm not sure if there are any cultural aspects I should take into consideration). I'd really appreciate any help.
Sorry if this is so disjointed, it was very sudden and unexpected | My best friend's father just died, how can I support him? |
t3_eni3a | self | Royally F-ed up, now owe my university 30 grand. What are my options? | To preface all this here is a short background:
I am 100% paying my own way through college
I have a job that I use to pay my rent, car insurance, food ext.
I can't get a loan this year because I have too much debt due to my other loans
Neither of my parents are in any position to help me financially
My schools offices are closed for the holidays until early January
So I messed up big time. I recently found out I owe my university about 30,000. I just lost all of my government federal aid and grants due to a mistake on my end. A few months back I got documentation requests from the college saying they needed paper work so I could get my need based aid. Since I'm not getting any aid from them and already did my fasfa I ignored it. A few more request letters later and a fast forward to this week, I get a letter saying that they have canceled all my need based aid. I figure no big deal and go online to look and find out I lost 15,000 of government money. I figure it's too late for my grants, but I'm not sure if I can get my government loans back. I have been saving almost all of my additional income so I was in a position to get a payment plan from the college and lump sum as much as I could and then pay the rest off over the course of the year. But I have no hope in hell of paying off 30k.
To be clear, I am taking all of the blame for this; I am aware that I should have looked into it further and realized what the paperwork was needed for.
Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? Anyone work in a financial aid office and have any advice? | – I messed and lost 15k in government aid because I didn't turn in paperwork….. advice? |
t3_2cjszo | relationship_advice | Is it worth breaking up over? | I'll start by saying that i'm (15M) and my girlfriend is (15F)
If you're still here regardless of our young age, thank you. It means a lot.
So here's the problem at hand, i don't really feel "it" anymore. I'm not happy and often just stress when i think about it. Our 6-month anniversary was... Weird.
I went to her house, and diner with her and her mom was just plain awkward, close to no words said. We watched some t.v and started cuddling, but she looked bored, said that i was "weird" and "gross" very jokingly, and playfully. But it still made me upset. Then her mom left and we were alone.
Usually we would start passionately making out or something, but instead, she got up and moved from the couch to the chair and said, "sorry" later she saw how upset i looked, I could see her out of the corner of my eye, and she came over and gave me kisses and stuff to try to make me feel better but it felt off.
During the whole relationship i feel the constant need to impress her, and the only time I can really be myself and comfortable is after kissing her. Which i can't explain.
Texting her is a chore because how boring she is and i get the feeling I'm simply annoying her. With school starting soon, A big part of me just wants to end it, so i can be single this school year and not worry about all the drama if i do it while in school.
But i'm afraid to do so cause I Feel i can't do better, and that she really is a good girl. (Really nice, top athlete, 4.0 student, very pretty) | I feel like i'm giving so much, and not getting anything in return. I feel like i'm just bugging her, especially after an altercation at out 6-month anniversary |
t3_lasld | AskReddit | What's the most horrifying/disturbing thing you've come across at someone else's house? For me, it was my friend's computer room wall. | For me, it would be at my friend Josh's house back in high school. Josh lived down the street from me in an old 2 story house with 8 foot ceilings. His computer room was upstairs, next to his bedroom, at the other end of the house from his parents' room. One day a few of us were at Josh's house sitting in the computer room playing | My friend liked to cum all over his wall and pretty much anything else he could find. |
t3_3y7cf5 | offmychest | I really can't be mad, and that's what makes me angrier. | I had the option of staying in town and spending Christmas with my family or going out of town to spend it with my girlfriend's family. Didn't know what I'd be doing because my schedule's so screwy. Well, my mother gives me the guilt trip that she "missed too many Christmases with me already." Been divorced a few years and spent every Christmas with her family to avoid fights with the now-ex. So I stayed in town. Kinda regretting it.
We've done nothing but stay in and watch TV pretty much the whole time. Oh, and drinking. It's almost to the point where I would've volunteered to work a holiday shift had I known that this would be my Christmas.
And as far as gifts go, I know I should be grateful for whatever they get, but this year it was a coffee mug and some K-cups. Oh, and a stack of lottery tickets (no winners, sadly, but they're not paying out here in Illinois anyway, so who gives a shit?). That's the kind of shit you get when you realize you didn't get someone anything and you have about ten minutes before they show up. I wouldn't be quite so disappointed, but this year, I went all out. Remembered everyone on my list, and got exactly what they asked for (nailed it with my girlfriend's present, but that's another story). Used a chunk of my Christmas bonus on those around me. They didn't even ask what I wanted. This is why I don't spend many holidays here.
But can I say this? Oh, not at all, because then I seem ungrateful. But when staying home and playing video games seems more appealing than Christmas with the family, that's when you know something's fucked up. And as an added fuck-you, my phone's charge port is looser than [insert joke here], so it's not charging and I can't take it in to get looked at for a while.
I know I need to be happy with what I have, but I'd much rather be around the stuff I have that doesn't annoy the living hell out of me. | Spent Christmas with my family instead of girlfriend and her family. Regretting it. |
t3_o0j9b | AskReddit | Alright reddit, my sleep schedule is all messed up and I need to get it back to normal soon. How? | So its been messed up for weeks and has gotten worse. I couldn't even sleep yesterday so i just stayed awake. I read hoping to fall asleep. Did it work? LOL NOPE! I finally got fed up and just got up out of bed and stayed awake. It was around 4am and my dad got up for work and i was still awake. I finally said, "f*** it" and I got on my Xbox and started playing Call of Duty. Well I was finally tired by 7am and my brother got up and i went to bed. Turns out I get up at 3pm and am now a nocturnal owl. Please. If anybody knows how to get someone get back to their sleep schedule, it would be all the redditors. | My sleep schedule is messed up. I'm now nocturnal. Fix? |
t3_194tc9 | relationships | I [M18] feel like there is something lacking in my current relationship with [F18] | Almost a year ago I broke up with my first girlfriend. We started going out when we were both 16. Since then I have been on dates with two other girls and now I am in a relationship of three months with a girl who is the same age as me.
It's been going fine so far, but there is something missing and I just can't quite put my finger on it. It's driving me insane. My current girlfriend is nicer, more thoughtful and more physically attractive than my previous girlfriend and yet something isn't right. It's difficult to describe...but there is something that is still...a little awkward. You can see it in the way we text, the way we greet each other and the way we say goodbye. I find myself wondering if I am doing the right thing or if I should break up with her.
Part of me thinks it is because I am comparing things to my previous relationship, when everything was new and exciting and the girl I dated was totally different (far more forward and experienced, she basically taught me everything about sex). Everything was also perfectly timed, it was the summer holidays so we got to see each other so often, whereas with my new girlfriend it's only on weekends.
I find myself sitting and staring at my wall for hours on end attempting to figure out what isn't right between me and this new girl. The thing is, I feel like I can't really dump her for various reasons. Firstly, I am her first boyfriend and I don't want to mess things up for her so she has a bad memory of her first relationship. Secondly, I might regret it and it might just be that the relationship needs a bit more time.
Any advice, or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. | My current relationship feels like it's lacking compared to my previous relationship and I have no idea why. Is it because I am comparing it to my first relationship, when everything was new and exciting? |
t3_3c3qo5 | relationships | Am I (F25) right in thinking that (M26) broke up with me in this text? | We've been together a few months.
He sent me this text after I told him I was feeling a little left out. I meant it as I felt out of the loop for what time we were doing something that day but he took it differently.
> I know and that isn't my intention. I've been working more, and compiled with needing to look for a career has put a lot of stress on me. I didn't mean to put you second or make you feel left out. The truth is it doesn't feel like my heart is fully in this relationship. As cliche as it sounds, I want to be focusing on my career and working to better myself in ways before extending myself to you, otherwise I become very internal with my stress, and it becomes apparent in the wrong way to those closest to me. I think we are a good match for each other, but I can't commit myself to you like you'd like me to right now.
My best friend thinks he just needs some space to clear his head about work and I'll hear from him soon but at this point it's been a few days since I received that text and sadly I'm thinking that was his way of breaking up with me. In a weird way I do feel a little hopeful because he says he thinks we're a good match and that he wants to better himself before extending himself to me but I don't know. | I'm pretty sure he broke up with me, best friend thinks different, looking for another perspective |
t3_197tg0 | legaladvice | Moving to a new house that refused to let me keep my guinea pigs, but downstairs tenant in same house has two cats. How can I legally keep my pets? | More information: The house is in San Francisco, CA. This house is currently being rented to several guys, and my partner and I are moving in a few days into a room in the house after one of their previous roommates moves out. We will be on a month-to-month contract with the roommates (NOT with the landlord, though the landlord knows we are moving in) until their lease is done at the end of July. I asked the roommates about possibly being able to keep my pigs in the garage and they said they were okay with it but would have to ask the landlord (this was last night). They called the landlord later and she said she would think about it, and got back to them today and said no. However, I know that the woman who lives downstairs below our flat has two cats that the landlady knows about. I want going to call the landlord myself later today to ask about why she said no, to see if it was just due to a misunderstanding on her part about what guinea pigs are like.
The current tenants and I are meeting tonight to sign a contract about rent and utilities and such, and I asked them to bring a copy of the lease. I read online that a lease agreement cannot be altered if it is already signed, e.g. to add a "no pets" clause, so I wanted to check if the lease actually says no pets. Would this actually work, or was it false information I read?
Also, if the landlord really does say no pets, can I get them certified as emotional support animals? I have never been formally diagnosed but I have gone to counseling for my anxiety (I have struggled with it for years and my guinea pigs are a calming source for me). I cannot afford to go to a psychiatrist to get formally diagnosed. I attend SF State University so I could go to the counseling center there and see if they could do anything, but from what I've read online you typically need a formal letter from a psychiatrist for it to hold up legally.
So, any advice/recommendations about these, or any other solutions you may think of, would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks, reddit :) | Not allowed to keep my guinea pigs in new house but downstairs tenant has cats. If the lease does NOT have a "no pets" clause, can the landlord still refuse for me to keep my pigs? And if I need to get documentation for my pigs as emotional support animals for my anxiety, would a note from a school counselor suffice since I cannot afford a formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist? How can I keep my guinea pigs? |
t3_3ots74 | relationships | Me [18/F] with my brother [18M/], we've lived together for a year and are looking for a new place. But I'm not sure I want to continue living with him as chores are not evenly divided. Please help? | Hi, so I've been living with my brother for a year. We're looking for a new place and have found one for December 1st.
I'm terribly at confrontation. It's take me a lot of nerve to speak up. For example, my older brother is always staying nights and he eats a lot. He also doesn't have a job and just recently moved out. I don't want him over much.
The Problem: My brother and I don't have chores divided. I don't want to talk to him about it because he tends to say, 'yeah, yeah' while watching tv or something. This one time I tried to talk to him about washing the floors and he was like, 'yeah, ok.' That's not to say he's lazy. He'll do things sometimes if I ask him.
The apartment we've found is a great price. It's just that I don't want to be stuck with someone who won't clean up after himself. he'll make himself a sandwich and won't wipe up crumbs or spilled jam. he won't rinse his dishes.
we had an agreement that on weekdays he'll do the dishes and on Fridays, satudays and sundays, I'll do the dishes. Mondays are rotation. That's fair right?
I'm pretty sure I'm able to live on my own but I'm know he can't.
How do I bring this up? I know this is a stupid question, but what type of chores have to be done? How should we split them? How do I keep him on track without being a nag? What do I do if he dismisses me? We haven't talk about this, so it's become this big stupid thing. Would it be fine if I said, if you don't do your chores I'll move out? | My brother and I live together. Don't have chores divided or have even talked about the division of them. |
t3_rjgnf | AskReddit | Reddit, what's the simplest thing that happened to you that just made your day? | I don't sleep very well. Most night I only get a few hours of sleep. When I go to bed I can't sleep, and I wake up in the middle of the night, and can't go back to sleep. Well, a few days ago marked spring break for me, and I was hoping I'd be able to sleep better with no real commitment to anything the following days. So after a few nights of unrest, it happened. I went to bed around 11:00. (I was extremely tired) I then woke up at least 11 hours later. There was gentle light, birds chirping, no loud noises from family members, and so on. I was gently awoken by the morning, and woke up feeling awesome. I had an awesome day! | I can't sleep very well. On spring break, I got a nice night of sleep, woke up in a calming way, and had a great day. |
t3_kgkrf | AskReddit | Should I add more stress for more money? | So long story, I have been working with this company for almost 3 years as a part-time stocker. I recently got "promoted" to a full-time position that has more hours for the same pay, in a different department. Only two weeks after starting this new position my boss asked if I would be interested in taking over for a departing manager (who was my immediate manager in the stocking position.) While I understand my boss coming to me first (I was arguably the best stocker to move up to that position) I still said no, as I had just committed myself to the other department, and the manager position adds a lot of stress. My wife is fine with this, as my new full-time position, quite surprisingly, actually allows me to spend more time with her than the part-time position i previously held, as well as earning more hours, and thus more money.
All should be fine, but I have a nagging feeling like I owe it to both my boss, who has always been accommodating and just overall as good of a boss as I could hope for, and the department that I had worked so long for, to take this position. It means more stress, overtime hours (read: less time with wife), and only a very slight increase in pay. Despite all this, I can't shake the feeling like I should take the position. I'm not sure how long I am going to stay with this company, but they have been good to me. Do I owe it to anyone (ie. boss, department, company, or my wife), or should I be more selfish and not take on the added stress and have more time for family? Thanks for your help. | Have a stress-free position, but have the option for a slightly higher pay and more stress position. How should I proceed? |
t3_2ibpi1 | relationships | I [19F] need help with my [19M] friend and our mutual feelings | Hey Reddit, I finally made an account and stopped lurking because I'm in need of some serious advice from an outside perspective.
My roommate introduced me to her best friend about a month ago and we've been hanging out about 1-2 times per week, but they're always one on one hangouts and have been very comfortable and personal. Every time we've hung out we've stayed together for upwards of 8-9 hours just hanging out. Conversation flows super easily between us and we've been getting along splendidly.
Last time we hung out, he started making moves indicating that he was interested. I've liked this guy since probably the second time we've hung out, but when I started reciprocating he suddenly started to pull back. I thought he had gotten uncomfortable with the situation so I decided to just let it slide.
Later, I found out from my roommate that he did indeed like me, but didn't know if he could just do a hook up thing without wanting it to escalate it into a real relationship. I can understand since he just got out of a pretty long relationship with someone about two months ago, but I was wondering what I should do about the situation?
I really like this guy, and I've always had serious trouble with relationships since I was abused when I was younger. This is the first guy I've clicked so quickly with and I could honestly see a good relationship coming out of this friendship. I *know* he likes me too, but is scared of a relationship.
What should I do in this situation? Neither of us explicitly acknowledged to the other that we have feelings for each other, but it's pretty obvious at this point. He's been kind of avoiding me lately. Should I try and get him to hang out again and see what happens from there? I'm willing to wait for him to be ready but I don't want to back off so much that he stops liking me. I also worry that if I ask him to hang out he'll feel bothered or pressured by me. | Friend and I have mutual (but unacknowledged) feelings for each other, but he isn't ready for a relationship and I don't know how to talk to him about it. |
t3_3tmzx2 | relationships | Me [32 M] with my girlfriend__ [27F] of one year, hid she had a child. | I have been dating this girl for about a year. She is great in many ways, always supports me, enjoy spending time with each other. We have been talking about maybe getting married.
When we first started dating, I had suspicions that she had a child.When asked, she said danced around the question. After dating her a year, she told me she does have a 6 year old son. I have no problem with her having a child, I just don't like the fact she did not tell me sooner. The circumstances of her having the child were less than ideal. She said she waited to tell me because her child had been a deal breaker with every other guy she has dated.
What do I do. Go on and be a part of part of this child's life? Take a break? Break off the relationship? | Girlfriend hid the fact she has child from me for a year, not sure what to do now. |
t3_2xhmkr | relationships | I [18M] am too easy and I don't like it. - REPOST | I don't know what it is or why it happens, but if a girl shows me attention for like 2 days in a row then they can just basically have their way with me.
When a girl has been talking to me for a couple of days in a row, I feel like they fancy me and we might get in a relationship soon. This is a massive problem for me cause I'm now afraid that when I find someone I won't actually like them, I'll just like the attention they're giving me.
Also I hate when this happens because I over think stuff WAY too much (e.g. I start thinking 3 or 4 months ahead) and it just messes with my life.
Does anyone have the same kinda thing? Or maybe some advice or something. Thanks | if a girl shows me a lot of attention then I think they fancy me and we could get together. This messes with my mind and I need help. |
t3_1thq99 | jobs | Organization I volunteer with is hiring, question about how to approach | Really appreciate all the advice is this sub and finally have a question of my own.
An organization I volunteered with earlier this year in the spring is hiring for a position which I am pretty certain that I am qualified for. As part of volunteer training and debriefing, we had a lot of interaction with both the volunteer coordinator and the director of the organization. The coordinator, who was my manager in a sense, is someone I would definitely use as a reference for any other job, for instance.
What is the etiquette or best way to go about contacting them about the posting? I want to let them know that I am seriously interested and re-establish our connection, but I don't want to seem too aggressive and "brown-nosey" or annoying. Is it better just to send my cover letter/resume in as suggested and mention in the e-mail that I previously volunteered and blah blah? | an organization I used to volunteer with is hiring, wondering how to approach ppl I know within the organization about the posting to show interest but not be annoying. |
t3_2c4vm7 | tifu | TIFU by lubing my lips | So to preface, I'm a musician who plays saxophone and clarinet. This means my house is full of [cork grease] Like, that shit is everywhere. At the same time I am also taking medication that makes my skin dry as a side affect, meaning I need to constantly have lip balm on. Playing reed instruments limits my usage because balm ruins reeds, so my lips get pretty bad some times.
I was laying in bed last night, having just turned the lights out, when I realized that my lips were burning. I remembered that earlier in the day, I had put my balm on my desk and so got up to use it.
Nope. Cork grease. | I'm greased to soak corks. |
t3_1fi8zr | BreakUps | Am I a terrible person for hitting my abusive (now ex) boyfriend? [21F] | My [21F] past relationship was an abusive one. We were together for one year. He was verbally abusive, and said many terrible things to me when he was angry. He took his anger out on me, even when I had done nothing. We have since broken up, for reasons unrelated to this.
There was one particular instance where he was so angry at me for something little that I'd done. We were in a fight and he was insulting me, and provoking me to anger. He had told me other times we got in fights to hit him, hit him. I never did, until that night. He told me to hit him, and I did. After I did, I instantly felt regret and apologized profusely, basically groveling for at least a half hour. He didn't really respond, just looked at me and told me how horrible it was of me to do that, etc.
So my question is, am I a really bad person for doing that? I feel terrible still, even after we've broken up, and I know I never will do it again. But people say that if someone hits their SO, they'll do it again no matter what they say.... Even though he was abusive it was unacceptable. It wasn't in "self defense" because he never touched me. Should this be something I bring up to any future boyfriends, to warn them or something? I hit my boyfriend. What do I do? No matter how many times I try to tell myself I'm better than him and deserve better than that, I always come back to that and realize that I am just as bad, if not worse. | I hit my (ex) boyfriend because he was taking his anger out on me. Am I terrible? |
t3_1o0s0g | relationship_advice | The Ultimate First-World Problem: should I buy her a pearl necklace now or for Christmas? | REALLY tough call for me, in no small part because major gift giving is a big source of stress for me because a long-term ex was pretty thankless, occasionally disappointed by more costly gifts. but I digress; that's not the issue here, really. My girlfriend mentioned in passing about three months ago that she would love to own a pearl necklace. This week, she has a girls' night party that'll be a mock Kentucky Derby, complete with (simulated) horse racing (really cool idea for a party if you ask me). So she and a lot of her friends are getting dressed to the nines like a lot of the women at the real Derby do, complete with ridiculous, over-the-top sun hats. Now she's thinking she's gonna get some costume jewelry pearls for the occasion (college budget and all). I am able to buy her a "modest" but good quality pearl necklace for about $300 (good luster, consistent shape between the pearls, gold clasp) but had been planning to hold it off until Christmas until I heard about this party and her plans for it. I'm sleeping on it and will or won't get the pearls tomorrow but I'm at a standstill: this is a good gift and just now nothing else in particular is occurring to me for Christmas, a big holiday to her. I have time to figure out something, but still: I can't give her another necklace. What do you all think? If it matters, we're in our mid-twenties and live about two hours apart so our busy schedules only allow us so many times a month to see each other in person (typically twice a month for two or three days). Give me a nudge, folks: this wouldn't be much of an issue to me if I could more easily give larger gifts (I don't get the shakes or anything but I almost get a sense of dread/guilt which has nothing to do with the cost of the gift itself). That my fiscally conservative mother seriously questioned my judgement, so "extravagant" a gift, definitely didn't help. | I have trouble buying more significant gifts for significant others and can't decide whether to get gf pearl necklace now or later. Pretty sure O already want to do it but need a nudge. |
t3_21rs16 | relationships | I (18M) want to try to pull a move on my friend/crush (16F) | I like this girl a lot, and we have had a bit of a thing, but nothing official. I have gone on one date with her and have told her I like her, but she hasn't quite reciprocated the feelings. Although she's said she likes me as a close friend, I do think there is more than meets the eye because she gets nervous around me often and asks for hugs and gives long ones, the last one was real long.
Anyways, I would like to go out with her again this weekend. We would go see a movie or something and get dinner. I would try to flirt and stuff, but I would like to pull a move afterwards. My plan is to see if she wants to walk a ways into this field next to her house and then have her lie down next to me and just look up at the stars for a little while.
I am wondering what I should do at this point, whether I should try and get philosophical or keep it really light or compliment her or just stay silent and if i should try and go for a kiss or not.
Physical or verbal advice? | I want to try and kiss a girl when we're lying under the stars |
t3_1ez383 | relationship_advice | I [20/f] am interested in a girl [20/f] whose best friend (and ex) [20/f] is still in love with her | So, I met this girl on OkCupid last week and we hit it off really well and had really good texting conversations. I went up to visit her (about a 2 hour drive) Monday and stayed the night. We hung out, drank, and had a lot of sex. I did meet her best friend who was really moody and quiet when I was around, which the girl said is unusual for her.
The girl told me before that since most of their friends were gone for the summer, best friend had been really lonely and clinging to her like a barnacle. Last night, we were Skyping and her best friend was there. The entire time she was whining about how she was so lonely and had no one to Skype with. However, the girl was typing to me about how "she is all snarky and it's getting annoying." I'm not sure I want to pursue this girl if there's someone around her 24/7 also competing. | Should I compete with a really annoying best friend for a girl I met a little over a week ago? |
t3_4mmfrs | relationships | I (34/m) need help with alcoholic brother (30/m) who is getting kicked out of current residence | My brother is an angry alcoholic with a pre teen boy. He's been jobless for months and his girlfriend is breaking things off and kicking him out (living with her mother). He's been stealing from them and other friends. I'm pretty sure he's going to ask to live with my wife and I who are living in a house owned by our family. We are saying no.
Problem is he's burned bridges with literally everyone else he knows with the exception of a single friend and I can't see that working out well for him. I feel guilty that my nephew will probably be taken by ccp but I don't want to take care of him as it would be very difficult with our work situations and financially sink us. His sons mother is similar to him and dropped out of the picture when she had a warrant out years ago.
What options do I have? How do I make sure my nephew is taken care of? How do I deal with retaliation from drunk brother if he gets mad he can't live with us? Please help :( | bro has nowhere to go with kid. Won't let him stay with us. What do? |
t3_1di27r | relationships | My girlfriend [19F] and I [19M] just finished up our first year of college together, and we're falling apart. | We were together for five months before we moved into the dorms (we just happened to be going to the same college-- didn't plan to) and lived on the same floor. So.. we saw each other almost all day, every day and ended up moving in together.
It turned out that essentially becoming a married couple, on top of newly experiencing college, was rather straining on our relationship. We kind of went back and forth over the six months of school and we started to argue a lot over the most ridiculous things. It just seemed like when we were good, things were *perfect*, but when it wasn't good, we were at each other's throats.
On our last few nights of school, I felt like there was a stranger lying next to me in bed. This girl is my everything. I've never loved anyone like I have her, and I don't want lose her, yet breaking up seemed imminent. The next day, we both knew what we were thinking regarding breaking up, but neither of us said it.
Now that school is over, I feel like we have a chance to fix it and make it better, but I have no idea how or if we even should. I firmly believe that we can never be just friends again- not once you love someone like that- but I don't have much experience going for me. | In a perfect relationship, we moved to college together and now we're frequently fighting. Now college is over for the semester and we both live at home (a mile apart). I want to fix it, because I love her to death, but I'm considering taking a break, or maybe just ending it hoping to be friends.* |
t3_31dfe4 | relationships | (22/F). Cuddling problems with girlfriends (24+25/F) | Whenever I cuddle or spoon with my girlfriend, she complains that my limbs weigh down on her too much - she says it's like "having someone passed out on top of me". My other girlfriend doesn't feel it as much, but she does say that my arms can get a little heavy sometimes. I'm not really sure what's causing it, and it's only really become an issue in the last few months.
I don't exercise as much as I should, and I have issues with fine motor skills otherwise. Could this be related to either of those? Do y'all have tips/similar experiences? | Leaden limbs killing my cuddle life. Help!! |
t3_118oh5 | dating_advice | My date is bringing friends on a first date? What do? | I [30M] have a dinner date [28F] this Friday. It's not a formal restaurant, but a street patio setup that sells amazing tacos (seasonal). Afterwards we're going to check out a corn maze at night for fun at a local farmers field.
She revealed to me late in our conversation that she hopes that I don't mind that she asked a couple of her friends to come along. She wasn't clear if they were joining us for dinner, or just for the evening maze.
I haven't been in this situation before, I'm always very confident, and I do like this girl. We originally met on an online dating site, but had quick meet up at a fun Ultimate Frisbee match in the park. I asked her out and we've only been communicating via the online dating site.
I'm not sure if I should forget about making moves towards her and just be social since it's the first date and she might be leery of the online dating scene and is using them for safety. Or I should just escalate with her regardless if her friends are around.
Or should I invite my own friends and we can all go out?
Anyone have any advice on how they handled this situation?
Or should I be the one fearing for my safety? :) (j/k) | Going on a date, she is bringing friends. This changes the dynamic of the date as we will always be in the supervision of her friends. |
t3_1rxd1i | relationships | I'm [22F] confused. What does it mean when we're casual and exclusive? | I've been seeing this guy [25M] for exactly a month now. We had a fantastic connection in the beginning. We talked until 2 am and spent the entire weekend together like lovebirds. Now, I feel like I'm the one driving conversations and asking to hang out.
The past two weeks, all we've done is meet up for one night, have sex, cuddle, and eat brunch together. He expressed that he wasn't looking for anything serious and basically only wanted to commit one day of the week to me, BUT he wasn't looking for anything on the side.
I like this guy and want things to work out. But honestly, I'm confused about the terms of this relationship. I'm okay with casual non-exclusive relationships because I know I have to limit my emotional investment. I'm okay with serious exclusive relationships because both of us are invested in each other. But how the fuck do I place my emotions when it's casual and exclusive?!
I don't want to mess things up by asking to be non-exclusive when he expressed that he wasn't looking for anything else on the side. Is it time to just move on? :( | Confused by our relationship. Need some guidance! |
t3_xqrz2 | relationship_advice | [26m] dating [25f] and she is way more touchy/into the relationship than I am. | This summer I met a great girl while we were both studying for the Bar exam. She is nice and we had casual sex a couple of times, but with the Bar exam review and us both being out of town a lot, nothing else really happened. Although, it was clear that we both liked each other. Anyways, after the bar exam I went out of town for a week and while I was gone she called me "shady" for not calling her (we had a lot of sex on the night after the exam). I thought it was weird and texted her that I was out of town and that I'd like to take her out when I get back. Then on Saturday, I took her out. We had a great time and pretty great sex. However, I felt like in the morning I was trapped in her apartment and that it'd be hard to get out of there. She also wanted to cuddle a lot and that can really drive me crazy. I finally said "I'm going to the gym so I'll see you later." On my way out she said "call me as soon as your done." I had no intention of calling or texting her today. She texted me a lot today, wanting to know what I was doing, wanting to hang out, wanting me to come over and smush. I know that shouldn't sound like a problem, but I really like my space and feel that the whole thing is weird. Advice? | Girl is really into me and clingy after really only one date, but I might just be crazy and want way too much personal space. |
t3_prl8p | AskReddit | Reddit, how do you deal with the "crazies" in a big city? | I was in Chicago a year or so ago and was walking to a McDonald's downtown. As I approached a crosswalk a man runs up to me screaming "I DIDN'T DO IT!" I decided to ignore him as much as possible, but I was kind of stuck. Traffic kept me from crossing (it was just us two at the corner). As I anxiously waited for the light to change, he continued to try and persuade me of his innocence. As soon as the light changed, I scurried away.
After eating a very delightful meal I returned to see several police cars, a fire unit, and an ambulance lined up and down the block. Taking a closer look, I saw that same guy in handcuffs pushed up against a cop car. I couldn't help but wonder what he did or who he killed (*my crazy imagination). | I stood next to a man at a crosswalk who probably killed a guy |
t3_1jaxqm | relationships | I [21F] am afraid of making the first move on the guy [21M] I like because I'm afraid that my future roommates will be furious. | I'm interested in my best friend W, who I've known for 3 years. We hang out almost daily, we've gotten each other through a lot, and we definitely both love each other as friends. I was recently abroad, and upon coming back we've been closer than ever; we've held hands, spooned, etc. He's drunkenly asked me if we were dating, but I had to say no because we were in the company of my two roommates.
My roommates have both treated W like an object for the past 3 years, and they both "want" him. W slept with Roomie#1 16 months ago, but he quickly ended it because he didn't want anything to come from it (he hasn't had a GF at all in college). Roomie#1 liked another guy at the time as well, and when Roomie#2 learned that she had slept with W, she proceeded to sleep with the 2nd guy that Roomie#1 liked. Both roommates pretend to be friends, but when the other one isn't around, they talk about how they much they hate each other. If one of them talks to W, the roommates won't talk to each other for days. Roomie#2 even punched W in the face last year and drew blood when he flirted with another girl; she thinks this was a cute/funny/amusing thing to do.
I want to make a move, because I honestly think things can work between W and I. We've been best friends for so long, and we both have loads of things in common. I'm just afraid of 1) causing even more stupid drama between my roommates, and 2) accidentally objectifying my best friend, which I think is a terrible thing to do. | Crazy roommates think they own the rights to the guy I like, even though they had 3 years and nothing happened. I fear they'll go all Mean Girls on me if I try to pursue the relationship. |
t3_225ud9 | offmychest | Is it possible to ever get everything one wants? | So, this has been bothering me for a while. In fact, I think it has bothered me ever since I was in elementary school. There are some things that I have wanted, but it seems like it is impossible to have it all (at least in the field I am working in).
To be more specific, here are some things I've wanted: straight teeth; repair and sell my Mom's house; pay off my Dad's debt. The amount of things that I would need to do to complete these goals just seems so daunting to me, that it seems impossible. I am in the state of mind that there is no way.
Which leads me to a follow up question about making real change in one's life. How?
I'm a college educated person, currently working as a teacher, making a comfortable living. I'm not ungrateful for what I do have, but I wish I could do better. But, it feels like there is no way. | I feel like I cannot tackle the heavy goals I have. How do other people make the BIG changes that turn their lives into the life they are happier with? |
t3_3mpxtd | relationships | Me 21 F with my boyfriend 22 M of 2 years,how can I tell if we're about to break up? | My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years. We are sorta complete opposites. I plan everything and I need financial security.
I lost my mom a few months before we started dating and I feel like I need to be extra responsible. My boyfriend is the opposite. He hitchhiked to New York before we started dating, his mom has never worked, his dad grows pot, and he doesn't understand the concept of bills.
Over the past few months we've grown increasingly distant. We have sex maybe once a month; for the past 8 months. We kiss maybe once a day; and I feel like he goes out of his way to spend time in other rooms ( we live together). He keeps talking about how much he wants to leave the small town we live in ( his family lives across the country), how he hates his job, and just feels miserable.
He bought a backpack and one of those charging boxes that will charge your electronics 5 times, he has gotten rid of a lot of his possessions (not that he had a lot). He doesn't hold on to anything that is sentimental. He also quit his job and sold his motorcycle. His last day at work is coming up and I feel like we need to talk about what's next. But he gets really angry and doesn't want to have a real conversation with me.
Is he just going to leave to travel; like I know he wants to? Is he gonna stay home all day just playing video games? What's next for us? Do I just need to let him go? | My boyfriend of 2 years has been buying things to travel and won't talk to me. Should I dump him, or wait to see if he's really happy?**** |
t3_f5dnz | AskReddit | Members of the US military: Make a throwaway, get behind seven proxies and tell me: Would you train your weapons on US citizens who were in insurrection or open rebellion if ordered to? | Hell, could you? I know I couldn't but I am not a soldier.
I've always wanted to hear personal opinion about this but have never been in a community with enough fighting men and women.
What percentage of your peers do you think would simply walk away?
How many might join the insurrection if it were right wing/left wing (probably not too many commies in the US military)?
How many do you think would fire into crowds?
Do you think bomber pilots would obey orders to bomb, say... Chicago?
I will not judge you no matter the answer but, being reddit you know there will be some judgement thrown about. | edition: "it depends". Doesn't sound like many (if any) would walk away. There is a possibility of individuals or even units defecting, going back to "it depends". Some people seem to think the Constitution has revolt built into it, no one in the military seems to hold this opinion. |
t3_pxx3l | relationships | I don't love my husband as much as he loves me. Help. | This is a throwaway.
We are both 26, married for just over two years. Total length of relationship is just over three years.
I got married for the wrong reasons. I thought I really loved him, but the truth is that he just made me feel safe. My only serious relationship prior to meeting by current husband was abusive, and I think I was just so relieved to be in a somewhat normal relationship that I mistook that relief for love.
Over the past two years, I have overcome lots of personal challenges. I've worked through a lot of the baggage from the past abusive relationship. I've gotten more serious about my career, and I'm pursuing hobbies that interest me. In short, I have grown a lot as a person, and become much happier, since I got married.
Now for the problem. The more I get to know myself, the more I realize that I don't love my husband as much as he loves me. He wants to spend lots of time together, and I just don't... we have so few interests in common, and his sense of humor is so juvenile, that I get irritated if we spend more than a couple of evenings a week hanging out together. I can't get interested in sex. I feel the same way about him that I do about my close friends.
He is begging me to go to marriage counseling and try to become close again. Divorce would totally devastate him. I want to take care of myself, but I don't want to be totally heartless. I would like to fix this if I can.
First question: Is there any way to fix this? Do married people go through dry periods and then go back to being in love? Can I trick myself into feeling different?
Second question: How can I bring this up with a marriage counselor without sounding like a total bitch? I haven't told my husband in so many words "I don't love you"; I have just used euphemisms like "the spark is gone" and other equally inane things.
I would be incredibly grateful of any advice, resources, food for thought, or alternate perspectives you could throw my way. | I was rebounding from an abusive relationship when I met my husband, and now that I'm over my past issues I'm not interested in my husband anymore. Can I fix this? |
t3_50e2ek | jobs | Do I cancel the interview? | A little backstory: I just moved to a new state and am looking for work (this was a last minute move). It's been slow going until a recruiter called me for a position. Just yesterday he called me after sending my resume off and told the company wants to set up an interview.
After the phone call, I realized I never looked up the company. I used Glassdoor, a website I'd used before, even for my last job.
Well, the reviews were terrible. For every good review, there were two to three that were bad, and they were all the same issues: no chance for growth, no reviews or pay raises, high attrition. I was even told I'd be lied to during the interview: they just want warm bodies.
While I expect most companies to have negative reviews, the amount of them and the consistency is turning me off. I don't think I want to work for this company.
My interview is Thursday. I don't have a lot of time. On the one hand, it's been two years since I've interviewed and practice is good. On the other, I don't want to waste anyone's time. My boyfriend thinks I should just tell the recruiter that my research shows this isn't a company I want to work for. I'm not sure that's even a good thing to do. Thoughts? | Have an interview on Thursday for a company I researched, only to find they are a terrible company I don't want to work for. Not sure if I should go or cancel. |
t3_b6z9z | AskReddit | i want to cheat on my girlfriend, but not get caught... | i'm not good at lying & i'm not particularly smart at making excuses quickly either. i'm already seeing one girl (not my first) and recently a new girl joined our office. since we're allocated in to the same project, we've been talking & spending some time together... lunch, coffee.. the regular.
just about last week, she asked me if i was seeing some1 & i laughed a little about how i've been single for a long while now. since then we've started spending more time together & we've even started exchanging texts late at night.
i've been careful enough to delete the msgs from my cell phone, i figured that.
now, i was wondering if there were people out here who've successfully ever cheated on their partners and not get caught help me out a little here. i think i have a good chance with her and i'm feeling a little adventurous... how do i go about juggling two women? basically how do i **not get caught** ?
i'd want to just run this fling no more than a few weeks or until i figure that i cant pull it off without getting caught... | i wanna cheat on my gf, and not get caught. anyone have any pro tips on that??? |
t3_w133x | AskReddit | In honor of the 4th and summer barbeques, what is your favorite summertime dish and what do you do to it that makes it special. | I will start with mine.
Throughout the summer I love to make a creamy cucumber salad but I hate it when it turns to soup. To prevent this I start by seeding my cucumbers, peel them, then slice length-wise and scoop the seedy center out with a spoon. After that, I cut about 1/4 in. slices, lightly salt them, and then put them in a colander with paper towels over a bigger bowl in the fridge overnight to try and leach out as much moisture as possible. Every drop of moisture you get out here is a drop that's not going to be sitting in the bottom of the bowl at your bbq.
For the sauce, it's fairly typical: sour cream, apple cider vinegar, dill, S&P, small diced red onion. The only thing I really watch out for here is getting good quality, thick sour cream, and pouring off any purged liquid instead of mixing it back in. Sometimes I will take the time to reduce the vinegar so the mix doesn't get too thin. In the end you've got a creamy crunchy cucumber salad that will stay that way, at least throughout your party/get together. | Seed your cucumbers. All they add is moisture, not much flavor. |
t3_36rbd5 | relationship_advice | [17/m] my gf [17/f] hangs out with guys who scare me | I am a small nerd who has never had a gf and my current gf knows that, and she also knows he has the advantage because there are plenty of other guys she could be with but there isn't any other girl who would even talk to me. so when we started going out she told me she likes black guys and was still going to hang out with them as friends. I was completely fine with this but when she said black guys I assumed she meant nerdy ones because I assumed she liked to hang out with nerdy guys i.e. me. but low and behold I went over to her house and a 6'3 250lb guy walks out that I recognized as what use to be the schools starting line-backer (football is a big thing in Alabama), but was kicked off the team for using steroids. he walks past me and says "the fuck you looking at", and I almost wet my pants. After asking her about it she says he was just there to pick up something he left. I feel bad for considering breaking up with her for hanging out with those type guys. since then I have told her that her hanging out with those guys bothers me but she doesn't care. after talking to her she has had sex with guys like this before and she also admitted to cheating on past a boyfriend with a guy like this. | gf hangs with huge scary, stupid, guys strait from the hood |
t3_3hrk8u | tifu | TIFU by helping my friend with a steam trade | This actually did happen today, about 15 minutes ago.
First some background: My friend bought a skin for CS:GO, and decided to trade it today. Unbeknownst to him, he had picked a scammer to trade with. My friend asked me to hold on to the knife while they discussed some things. What neither of us knew is that this scammer had a friend who was helping him. My friend had told me to hold onto the knife until he asked for it back. The scammer's friend changed his name and profile picture to match my friend's, and asked me for the knife. This being my first trade, I did not realize there was a warning at the top of the trade menu that told me this person was not on my friend's list, and I gave him the knife. I'm still in the process of reporting him. | It happened today, you wouldn't believe it. |
t3_d48tn | AskReddit | My GF Lost the Hoodie That I Had Bought Her Last Christmas. She's Tried All She Can to Find It and Has Even Tried to Find Another One Online But Has Failed. I'm Trying to Find the Hoodie For Her. Reddit, I'm Desperate. Please Help Me. | (It's a Buckle Daytrip hoodie before anyone asks)
The hoodie was a Christmas gift to my girlfriend. She absolutely loved it and would never take it off. She wore it to school every day, and unfortunately, lost it at school one day. We couldn't figure out where she lost it, but we suspect it was during a hectic fire drill at school. We would check the lost and found, but it was the end of the school year and everything gets thrown out as soon as summer begins. We weren't able to go back inside the school to look for it once summer started so I've been trying to find her a new one ever since.
Please Reddit, I ask for your help, and I'm hoping someone might come across this post and own the hoodie or know someone who owns it. I'm willing to do whatever I can to get that hoodie, because my gf absolutely loved it and rarely took it off. I love her so much and since her birthday is coming up, I was hoping that I'd be able to surprise her with another hoodie just like it.
The hoodie itself is from a Daytrip band hoodie from Buckle. The size is small.
Here's the only picture I have of the hoodie:
Reddit, please, please, PLEASE help if you can. My gf has been looking for the same jacket all over the internet for a while now, and I've also joined in on the search, hoping to find one for her.
I'd love to be able to surprise her with the same hoodie for her birthday. So Reddit, can you help this desperate guy out? | GF lost the Buckle Daytrip hoodie that I bought for her last Christmas and has been looking all over the internet for another one. I'm trying to find her one just like it to give to her for her birthday. Please help. |
t3_44x8m4 | relationships | my male friend of 47 and his gf/baby momma of 35ish dating off and on for 15 plus years | so my best bud of 10 years now has been with his gf off and on for 15 plus years, they have 2 kids together but thats not important. this issue is that me and him can talk on the phone for like an hour at least sometimes more and she doesnt like it, she gets jealous, says he doesnt even talk to her for that long on the phone.
i have been in the same boat in the past, and we both agree that its childish to get "jealous" because two friends can talk on the phone for an extended period of time.
our main argument is this simple...he or i live with the gf/wife whatever we see you everyday, there is no need to talk on the phone for an hour when ill see you later on lol.
are we in the wrong?
im sorry if this is confusing, im tired and just got off work | does it make sense for a woman to get jealous of male friends her sig other talks to on phone cause he doesnt talk to her for same amount of time when they LIVE together!? |
t3_i4k4r | AskReddit | What's the most distracting thing you've had to ignore because you were busy having sex? I'll go first. | I really hope you guys have some good stories!!! Mine is only alright.
Few years ago I was driving with my (then) girlfriend on a long road trip to chicago, very late, like 3am. She hates riding in the car and gets so bored she flips out. So of course, I suggest a little messing around. After like half an hour I'm getting a beej while driving. As expected, it was awesome.
Then it starts snowing. No biggie. Then it really starts snowing. Next thing I know we're in the middle of a blizzard and she's still going to town. Mind you it was completely clear out to begin with. So after 10 minutes I'm wondering how she hasn't noticed that I've slowed from 75 to 25, but i really don't care and am just hoping she doesn't notice. She might have thought it to be dangerous or something and stopped. But there were no other cars for miles, and I had to make an executive decision to keep it a secret.
So I won't go into specifics, but it went great, and the look on her face was priceless when she brought her head up and saw 6-8 inches of snow on the road and like 10 feet of visibility. | road head, then blizzard, it worked out. |
t3_222uuw | loseit | Discouraging spouse | I just felt like I needed to say it someone or something even if it's only in text. I'm so upset. My husband who is naturally thin (can eat whatever with no exercise) and I just had a conversation about my counting calories in mfp.
I just started 5 days ago and I've had some big wake up calls. Like fuck even though I cook all of our meals, I eat way more calories than I ever thought. My weight gain started 1.5 years ago after I quit smoking. It was a good feeling, but then I started to really eat and enjoy food.
Anyway, I decided I'm going to do something about it. It's only been 5 days and I told him yesterday I'm tracking calories now. Today, we were talking and he says "well I always knew you'd get heavy" of course I start to cry. I tell him well I'm trying to lose weight, I'm only eating 1200 calories a day and not eating my "exercise calories" and he says "well that will only maintain your weight it won't help you lose it". I'm furious and upset and I counter with well that's not true based on MFP. And I'm also exercising (walking 30-60 minutes a day and ran today. He then tells me well I'm not exercising long enough to lose weight either.
I'm super upset. It just feels like he's not supporting me. Like nothing I do is good enough. I know I gained 30 pounds (and I'm short so its a lot), but I'm trying to work on it and eating 1200 cals a day is hard and walking 60 min or running/walking 30 min is really hard for me. To say that what I'm doing now isn't good enough really hurts my feelings. I cried for like 20 minutes straight. Actually I'm still crying.
We just resolved it by telling him I'm done talking about it because it wasn't going anywhere. He can be a jerk and "apologize for telling you the facts".
I know I'm right, right? | Husband being unsupportive. Made me upset. Said eating 1200 calls a day will only maintain my weight and I don't exercise enough to lose any weight. |
t3_4r2ef0 | relationships | I [23M] have been seeing the ex [20F] of a close friend [22M], since a week after they broke up. Need advice. | My friend and his ex broke up on good terms after a 4 year long relationship. From what they told me they were just drifting apart and having a bunch of tiny petty arguments and they wanted to stop it before something bad happened between them. I was very close with both of them, consider them both great friends, hang out with them constantly. I regularly spoke with his ex before the breakup but things never became sexual between us.
One week after the breakup she messages me on Facebook (something that is not out of the ordinary because like I said, we did talk a lot before the breakup) and later that week she comes over to hang out, watch a movie and we have sex. After this happened we've sort of started to date and have sex over the past month. I like being around her a lot and we have pretty compatible personalities but there's some things that makes me feel bad about this.
First of all, it's my friends ex (lmao) and they just broke up like last month so it feels kind of weird what I'm doing even they broke up on good terms and they're both on the market now. I haven't talked to him about this, and I don't think she has either because he hasn't brought it up to me at all. The fact that this is all going on behind his back feels gross to me even though there's nothing wrong with the act itself.
Second I worry I'm being used as a replacement. This might just be me being paranoid, but my friend and I are a lot alike and even look pretty similar. I do like seeing her but I would feel differently about it if she was actually just interested in my ex and was still using me as a way to fill a hole.
I don't know where to take it from here but I would like some advice before someone gets hurt! I would like to keep a good relationship with both of these people. | Been seeing ex of my friend, feel sort of bad about it, need advice on what to do next |
t3_2lsliq | relationships | My [19M] girlfriend [18F] of about 2 years asked to have an "open relationship" to find herself. | I went to university a few months ago which is about 2.5 hours away from where I used to live and she used to live. The other day when we were about to close on an apartment together she backed out and said that she had to stay home because she was proud of everything she had accomplished and needed to pursue the future in the path she had set.
She also has been becoming friendly with her 21 year old male boss or manager at her store where she works and the other day she said that she needed to open our relationship up because she needs to find herself and is sick of crying all of the time and constantly needing me to be happy. And I understand that, I do. But now she has been hanging out with this guy and it is killing me, I have no interest in seeing other females, and we still text and say we love each other, but I do not know how to cope with this feeling. I want to be with her but I understand she needs some time, how long do I wait to tell her that I need her and I can't be strung along if she is not going to be with me, it has been 2 days and I am really struggling. I've been very sad and feeling in a dark dark place. That could also be topped on because my mother (who would be who I would talk to) is in prison until February and I have done a very poor job at making friends here at school. I need help or advice, please. | My girlfriend of 2 years asked for an open relationship to find herself while she is being friendly with another guy. I trust her with my life but how long do I wait to tell her I can't be strung along and if you are going to throw us away please tell me. |
t3_u0v6f | relationship_advice | Help with thinking of dates to go on and things to do when hanging out | Boyfriend (20) and I (20) have been dating for about 2 years. When he comes to my place, he says he's bored, so I rarely invite him over. When I go to his place, I sit there watching him play on his computer, so *I* get bored. Sometimes, we barely talk because he's so absorbed in watching live-streams and playing games. I'll go home because I'd rather do that than get frustrated.
We've tried going out to dinner and to movies, but something **always** goes wrong. He suggested that we regularly go on walks, but this plan was never set into motion, and during the couple of random walks we've been on, he complains about the heat or bugs. Pretty much anytime we do anything besides sit in front of a monitor, he seems miserable, complains, etc., and then says that he actually had a good time. This makes *me* upset, because it makes me feel like a failure at coming up with fun activities.
Basically, does anyone have any ideas of things to do besides walks and watching live-streams that my attitudey SO and I can do? I can't stand another day of being bored and frustrated. | Help me think of activities to do with my hard-to-please boyfriend, please >_< |
t3_1nlbad | relationships | I[22/F] just got my heart broken by my (now-ex) bf [20/M] and am now single for the first time in 7 years. How do I deal? | I was with him (K) for almost a year, but right before him was with someone else for 6 years (M). M and I had a rocky relationship, and it was K who really saved me from that. K and I would talk about the future, and he got my hopes up for living a long, happy life together. I felt like I could be myself around him, we had a lot in common, and we never really argued much. A few days ago, he broke up with me because he said that he didn't have feelings for me anymore. It came out of nowhere, and I'm still trying to figure out where things went wrong.
I'm just confused about what my next steps should be. Part of me wants to win him back, because I can't stop thinking (obsessing) over all of the happy times we had. I think that he just might feel that he doesn't have enough time for a relationship, but if he feels like he can see us being together later in life, then that would be okay with me. Part of me wants to move on, but I feel like I can't do it alone. What's making it harder is that I recently moved 6 hours away from him, my friends and family, and so I don't really have a close group of people in my new area for support. I feel pathetic, empty, scared, lost, confused and overwhelmed. People are telling me to use this time to focus on myself and on school (I moved because of grad school), but I'm finding it hard to concentrate or have the motivation for anything.
What do I do? | Post breakup confusion about what the next step should be. |
t3_2p70lc | legaladvice | Juvenile (17) going to meet with family court probation officer on tuesday before actual court case. Need help with a question about drug testing. | I got arrested on october 6th for a DUI after i crashed my car into a tree. A grinder was found in my car with no marijuana actually in it, just leafy residue. They only charged me with the DUI and no possession charges for pot. I have been told by my lawyer that they may or may not drug test me at my COURT CASE. On tuesday the 16th of december I have a pre-case meeting (my actual case is supposed to be sometime in january) with a family court officer and my lawyer said it would most likely just be the officer talking to me and my parents about my grades, social life, and extra circulars to get a better idea of my "risk factor" and to build a case about me before I go to court. So I am here wondering if they were to drug test me would it be at this pre-court date meeting or at the actual court case? | In a family court juvenile case will the child be drug tested at the pre-case assessment meeting with the childs parents and family court officer or will it most likely be at the actual court case itself? |
t3_1d3483 | relationships | My gf(25) of 6months is stressed and needs "time and space" | My gf (25) and I (23) have been together for 6 months.
This happened about a month ago and everything turned out okay for a month but now she's stressed again and wants time and space. Is this normal?
She has an addiction that I have been trying to help her with. I know she gets depressed from this but I feel like I should be there to comfort her.
Everything was fine and all of a sudden I notice she texts me less and doesn't want to hang out much. She told me she is stressed about finances and depressed. Its been almost a week of this now. I felt like she didn't love me anymore and I needed to leave but I realized It's not all about me.
Is this normal for couples? I feel like I should be the one she turns too after a bad day or is stressed but she basically shuts me out. She used to text me goodnight and love you but I haven't heard it in 2 days.
Last time this happened (a month ago) I thought it was over but everything turned out fine, she got over whatever was bothering her and we had a good run. Until recently when she does this again. I Just don't know what I should or can do. I'm trying to give her space but i feel like I am losing her. | Gf is stressed and needs "time and space." Is it normal for her to shut me out almost completely? |
t3_2tk5oe | relationships | Found my (24/F) husband (26/M) making out with his friend (25?/M) and I'm absolutely shattered. | I feel like a train wreck right now and I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this.
My husband and I have had a very happy married life, I've never had any problems and sometimes, it still feels like the honeymoon phase. But today morning at around 9, his friend came over like usual. He's always coming over, frequently having dinner with us and hanging out. I never cared cause he's (was) a nice guy. They've been friends ever since middle school.
I went out to get groceries and when I came home after about an hour, I walk in on my husband ON TOP of his friend making out and groping each other.
I lost it at that point and I screamed. They froze and my husband was telling me to calm down and I dropped everything while insulting him in every way I could and drove 45 minutes to my sister's house. He's called me a gazillion times and I know he'll eventually figure out Im here. What do I do? I never thought he was gay or bi, never had the slightest suspicion. They never seemed close like that. All I can think about is how many times they've been alone together and it's eating me alive. Please help. | I walked in on my husband making out with his *male* best friend. I'm staying at my sister's house now and I don't know what to do next. |
t3_30j2eu | relationships | Me [19 M] with my GF[21 F] 5 months. She says I don't challenger Her intellectually enough. | A few days ago she told me that sometimes she's frustrated by our relationship because we don't have intellectual debate/conversations. I would like to remedy that.
Further points:
- Im not very confident in my ability to have intelligent conversation. Part of it is I don't like when people just agree with each other for 3 hours, it seems like talking for 3 hours like that should get somewhere.
- I'm also not confident because in the past whenever I tried to be a part of such conversations, my friends would either ignore what I said or: tell me I'm wrong or tell me what I brought up was irelevant. I also feel like I can never bring anything new to the table because all I usually have are ideas and feelings, not solid facts or "buzzwords."
- she can get kind of hot headed when she really cares about the topic (gay rights is an example) and can make me feel intimidated and not want to participate. She's admitted this and is working on being more open, even when she strongly disagrees. Not that I disagree with her on many things.
I want to try my best to challenge her intellectually but I'm having trouble figuring out how. Any advice? | my so wants me to stimulate her intellectually and I don't know exactly how? |
t3_1qkqb0 | jobs | Graduated in May, been working part-time, now I'm looking for full-time jobs... 2 weeks, 50+ apps, 3 rejections... Please help! | I continued my part time job instead of looking for full time job to do some extra studying for a test and to help my grandparents.
I'm wondering what I am doing wrong that nobody replies back...
I have a business/tech background and I am looking at getting a job as either financial, business, or analytic analyst. I can program in Java, C, C++, PHP, Python and I have a pretty solid grasp of database processing/design, both Oracle and SQL server. I know accounting, statistical analysis, and finance, as well as general management things like operations and project management. As far as knowing programs I can use SAS/Minitab, MS Office, Project, Visio, Visual Studio, eclipse, Aqua Data, etc..
My part time job is a administrative job I had since college and it doesn't really have anything to do with what I studied.
I'm freaking out because I'm 22 and I have $8k in student debt to pay off. I want to do my MBA but I need job experience and more than $6k in my bank account!!!
I'm using sites like indeed.com, monster, etc. I'm also going on career sites of companies I like and looking for entry-level/0yrs exp jobs there.
I think I have a decent resume with my relevant information and a short personal statement with results. I wrote about how I can optimize operations and use everyday tools like Excel spreadsheets to save money and time. I know this job isn't something to write home about but my boss loves my contributions and gave me great performance reviews each year.
What can I do to find a job fast? I live on the East coast but I'm willing to go out of state for a good job. I am more interested in finance than programming and I would like to pursue further education such as MS in Financial engineering, an MBA, and even a law degree! However I'm broke and I want to take care of my parents and grandparents while saving money for my future education. Finding a job is my top priority! | I'm 22, have no "real" job experience, need a job so I can take care of myself. |
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