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t3_399xv2 | relationships | How to make it up to her when we don't have the time 24M v 25F | Months ago I ended a relationship with a long term girlfriend over her weight. It was not a good end, and I really hurt her, nor did it end cleanly. Since then, there have been a few sexual encounters between us, but it's failed to get the ball rolling again.. Our relationship was heavily based on sex. We were both in college and would skip classes to stay in bed all day, practically.
Now we each work very demanding jobs, and it wears on her more than me. She hasn't lost weight, but my dick practically jumps out of my pants when there is even the prospect of us being alone together.
I want to keep her, but all I know is that I'm really attracted to her still. I'm not going to spend an unreasonable amount of money on her because I know that isn't sustainable. How do I make her feel comfortable again? | broke up with my girl because she was getting too big, but I still want her all the time. |
t3_4bkmeh | pettyrevenge | Cold Feet | Long time lurker first time poster, also on mobile so forgive formatting. This was a petty revenge done to me.
Over spring break my five year old little brother came down with a little cold. Because the house has been very cold recently my mother kept yelling at him to put on socks. Now he can be a very bratty kid when he wants to be so he was stomping all over the house in his little socks.
Being the asshole that I am I repeatedly ran up to him doing a small tapdance with my bare feet. Everytime I did it I'd start singing "I don't have to wear socks but you do." Needless to say he was not a happy camper.
Yesterday though I actually caught his cold so now im the one who has to wear socks around the house. My brother is no longer sick, instead of playing games he spent the whole day following me around. The entire time he had on no socks and kept singing the song, dancing around me. | I was being a dick so my brother returned the favor. |
t3_krntl | AskReddit | My kitten has diarrhea. How much will it cost to go to the vet to check it out? | And do you think they will figure out the problem? I haven't had to take the kitten to the vet before and don't even know where to find one, but I'm sure I can figure that out. After googling, it seems that diarrhea for a kitten can mean basically nothing is wrong to everything is wrong. So that's really no help. Anyways, how much is a kitten visit to check this out, do you think? Also, how much is a check-up visit to the vet for a kitten or cat, more or less? And also, should I be bringing the cat in for check-up visits? She has had all of her shots, spayed, rabies shots, worm stuff, etc everything she supposedly needs as a young cat. She is also really cute, so that's good. She's a few months old, like 2-3 (she was rescued from a bad situation). | Kitten questions related to kitten health. |
t3_2oxp7r | tifu | TIFU by taking out my trash to the wrong place. | It was actually last week but you know..
**A bit of a background**: I am a foreigner living in Mexico since years ago. I've got myself a nice mexican girlfriend and she comes from a very reserved and old fashioned family, she lives with her mother, father and 1 of her two brothers. We have been dating for a little over a year and ever since I've lived alone so she is constantly at my home, and recently moved to a new apartment.
**Last weekend** First week in the new apartment and I have about 5 bags of trash, mostly from stuff I bought, it is friday and turns out the trash truck only comes to this area on mondays, so my girlfriend suggest me dumping it at her place, they have it collected on saturdays, I agree.
So later that day I take her home and dump my trash in a big barrel on their back yard.
The next day when I go to her home to pick her up to go out she runs into the car and let me know we have to go immediately, weird because I usually go in and say hi first.
Turns out their dog ripped off the bags and made a mess out of my trash in they back yard, the big issue: when moving I took everything in my room to trow it 'later' and in those bags I had put a small bag full of empty boxes of condoms, about 10 or 12, no kidding, I usually just threw away the condom itself but let the box in my knight table next to the bed inside a drawer that is specifically for condoms.
Turns out her mother woke up early that day ad begun picking up after the dog's mess and found them, then told her she found some condoms "lots of them and even some box that said vibrating ring" and that she would need to talk to me about it.
It has been 1 week already and I haven't been at her house.
________ | Me cago en el pinche perro. |
t3_17hnm1 | relationships | My girlfriend (f,25) and me (m,29) are constantly being told that we need to be in a polyamorous relationship despite neither of us wanting one. How do we deal with this? | Evidently polyamory is the trendy thing right now and it's becoming a little more common in our circle of friends. My gal and I have been dating for 19 months and have excellent and honest communication and an extremely healthy and happy relationship. However, recently friends have been dropping hints to us that we should try polyamory and they give us the standard list of arguments against monogamous relationships that polyamorist throw around.
I've got nothing against the lifestyle or the people that practice it. I'm of the belief that there are many valid forms of relationships and so long as everyone involved is honest and consenting to whatever form of relationship they choose to have, then so be it. However, a few our friends and acquaintances tell us we need to be more "open-minded" and "progressive". I'm as progressive as they come, but again, my girl and I are perfectly happy with the way our relationship is and how we express our love to each other. Whenever we mention that, they try to guilt us into trying polymory, use peer pressure, or make it seem like we're just outdated, boring, uncool, unenlightened, and stupid.
What can I tell them so they can leave us the hell alone without sounding like a defensive prude? | A few friends keep insisting that my girlfriend and me open up our relationship. How can we tell them to fuck off once and for all and to drop it? |
t3_zxadb | AskReddit | New York City Redditors: I'm an amateur writer who's working on a book set in Manhattan, what are some common misconceptions about the city that are untrue? | The book in question is science fiction-esque and the lead characters are highschoolers. I want it to be set in NYC, lower Manhattan specifically, and I'm putting a lot of effort into research to make sure I write an accurate representation of the city. The problem is, I'm living in the boonies in the south, and have next to no first-hand experience with NYC.
As the title says, what are some common misconceptions you've noticed non new yorkers hold? Anything from exaggerations about day-to-day life to stereotypes about people who live there, any common inaccuracies are exactly what I want to hear about so I can avoid them.
My goal is for people who have lived in NYC to be able to read the book without thinking "That's not how it works in New York." even once, that's probably an unrealistic expectation but the closer I can get to it the better. | Tell me stupid things people think about New York City that aren't true. |
t3_4mqqf7 | relationships | I don't feel like my boyfriend (27m) appreciated what I (27f) did for him. | I am a teacher and with 3 weeks to go until the end of the year, I am so overwhelmed with all my work. So yesterday I was in the middle of doing my work, when my boyfriend called. He asked if I could work for him, as a couple of his staff didn't show up for their shifts. My boyfriend owns his own company, it's a venue.
I felt bad for him, since he had a few events booked for the day and no help. So I agreed to help him, even though I had so much to do myself.
I got there for 5 pm and didn't leave until 11 pm. I did the best that I could to help run things smoothly. He bought me pizza and provided me with water. Which was nice of him. At the end of the night as we were leaving all I got was just a "thank you". I was a little sad and would have liked to hear something more thoughtful. Am I over reacting? He offered to pay for the hours I worked. But I didnt accept the money. To be honest I did to help my boyfriend because I love him and support him, not for money. We have been dating for 6 years.
He didn't even call or text me today. I felt like I didnt exist at all to him. He knows that I have a ton of work to do for my job, yet I still helped him. I just wish he said a little more. I don't know why it's bothering me so much. I just feel unappreciated. Should I just accept it and move on. | I dont feel like I was appreciated. I went out of my way to help my boyfriend with his business. Worked for for him for 6 hours. All I got was a "thank you". |
t3_2ipydl | tifu | TIFU by accidentally texting my entire family to "go fucking die" | Tonight while I was at dinner with a friend I got a text from a random number. The message consisted solely of a 4 second black video clip where all you could hear was what sounded like a TV in the background. The text was also sent out to 10 other numbers I did not recognize from other random area codes. I assumed it was spam and deleted it. A couple minutes later I received 3 more group texts from the same number containing the same video. It was starting to get creepy and annoying so I responded, "who the fuck is this go fucking die". I assumed I was getting spammed by a bot or something and that no one would actually see it and deleted the texts and blocked the number. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Not a minute after I sent the text I got a call from my mom asking me if I just sent the above text to a group message. I was very confused as she wasn't included in any of the group messages. Turns out he group texts included 40 of my family members, most of whom I have never met (which explains why I didn't have any of their numbers) and the video was apparently my grandpa showing off his recent interview on local news.
Needless to say my parents were very pissed off and I have spent the night calling all of my relatives trying to explain why I told them all to go fucking die. | Got a random text that looked like spam, got pissed, ended up accidentally texting my entire family to go fucking die. |
t3_tosil | AskReddit | What ridiculous police stories do you have? | I was out skating. There were no signs telling us that this wasn't allowed. A while later a cop came and stopped us. We stopped skating and went up to the store. we sat on a bench and drank our drinks. We hadn't even skated up to the store, we drove, but here comes the same cop. He told us that we had already told us we couldn't skate. He started grabbing our boards but I refused. I pointed out we weren't skating and that we had obeyed everything he had said up to that point. He then violently jumped on me and grabbed my board, yelling and causing a huge scene in front of the whole store. He yelled at us for half an hour about how if we didn't obey police orders we would regret it later in life. He eventually gave our boards back. He said if he saw us skating again we would be charged with disturbing of piece and damaging property. | Cop yelled at us for skating when we weren't, tackled and stole our boards. |
t3_36dlna | travel | Need help finding airline using confirmation code. | My girlfriend booked us a flight, canceled the flight, gave me the confirmation code to rebook my ticket, then we broke up. The problem is that she did not tell me which airline it was for. I'm skeptical that she would both remember and be willing to tell me at this point, if I could even contact her. I did pay her for the ticket, so it would be nice to recoup the costs.
Is there a way to determine which airline it is for? It has 5 letters and no numbers.
The original ticket was from MT to Boston, MA with 2 layovers, if that narrows down which airlines could have provided that.
I've checked the most popular airlines, but they all seem to use 6-digit confirmation codes. The exhaustive list of airlines, accounting for connections at different major airports, is, well, exhausting. | is there a way to tell which airline a confirmation code is for? |
t3_23oe6p | relationships | [21M] left cheating [25M]. How do we deal with shared posessions in the flat we lived in for 2 years? | We lived together for two years, so pretty much everything in the flat we bought together (with the exception of some random things that I will be making no claim to).
How do I best go about sorting this?
I don't want to take the stuff with me, because I'll be moving either back home to my mum, or in to a room share. I have no space for these things. And at the same time, he needs these things to continue living there (pots, pans, plates, television, sofa etc. etc.)
Is it reasonable that I ask him to pay me back an amount?
ALL the bills have always come out of my account, so that's an easy one to fix and change over the direct debits.
I don't want to leave a £1300 sofa (that I've paid half towards) to him because he fucked up the relationship.
I really have no idea how this works. I don't want to be bitter about it, and at the same time I don't want his charity. I just want something that is just.
We're unmarried, but were living together for two years, so a LOT of what we bought, we split in half.
I have HEAVY debts from where I have been pay 50% for everything the entire time when he was earning twice I was, but he was insistent that we were 'equal'. So surely now if we are to be 'equal' he should pay for the 50% I'm leaving behind?
If not, I'm left with £13k of debt and nothing to show for it as it's all still with him.
Can anybody shed any light on this? | We've split up, I've moved out. Now I don't know what the best way to go forward with belongings that we jointly purchased. |
t3_22vfw4 | relationships | How do I [M22] cope with giving my SO [F21] of 4 months space, with no communication? | I looked through my girlfriends phone because I'm extremely insecure and approached her about it. She has privacy issues and has brought them up to me before, and I still did it knowing this (ugh).
She said she needs space and time apart, and I've never had to cope with not communicating with someone who is angry at me. I'm the kind of person who really needs to talk things through, and see the person to know that things will be okay.
Any advice? I don't have many friends, and I have a hard time concentrating with this happening right now. | At a loss for how to feel, and act to a situation with no communication |
t3_2otk09 | relationships | I (29F) don't know if the "play-it-cool" or more needy approach works best on men in general (and BF 30M specifically) | We've dated for 8 months and in that entire time I've been pretty chilled. I rarely text him/contact him first (thankfully he always contacts me). I am going on the assumption that a lot of men like a little chase. I never ever appear needy. I have my own friends and interests and if he is going out I find other things to do. He has told me a few times in passing that I seem a bit chilly.
But sometimes I am wondering----what would happen if I were a bit more clingy? I've never tried that approach before. My BF is the type who seeks out attention from people in general. I never wanted to crowd him or appear too available. But since he's only my 2nd serious relationship, I've never tried this before. Do men in general respond favoritably to this? If I were to be the one to contact him more. If I were to tell him I want to see him, I want him to come home, I would prefer if he didn't go out with his friends tonight because I need to be with him etc. | Not sure if I am too "cold" with BF. |
t3_3psd13 | relationships | Me [24F] with my boyfriend [25M] of 3 years. He is depressed and has been for most of our relationship. I want to stick it through as long as there is reasonable hope of him overcoming his depression, but I don't know how to tell if it is a lost cause. | The title says most of it. I feel that, although he tries, he is not "there" most of the time. His brain is in a fog, and those are his words, not mine. Last night and the night before we had two long talks about this and it seemed like he *really* realized that his depression needs addressing immediately and he says he will go to therapy. Last night, he also seemed more "present" than I'd seen him since maybe the first year of our relationship. It gave me a whole lot of hope and I am excited and optimistic about seeing how therapy affects him. He had good experiences with therapy before we were dating too. I have no doubt in my mind that he actually *wants* to improve, but I do think he had kind of been in denial about his depression before. My worry though is that this isn't going to fix anything. He had spent the last year and a half of our relationship studying for an important exam and blaming anything bad that happened on the stress associated with that. Now that the exam is gone, he is definitely less stressed, but still depressed. I am worried about wasting both of our time. I feel like we have conversations like this every few months that lead me to be super hopeful that things will improve and then nothing does. I really want this to work but I have no idea how to recognize if it is a lost cause. | My boyfriend agreed to go to therapy for his depression. We have had similar conversations before, about once every few months. I want this to work but I have trouble believing this time will be different. How will I know when/if it comes time to throw in the towel? |
t3_1oedlf | relationships | One of my friends sent me [21,M] a picture of my younger sister [18,F] grinding with someone I know at a party. Do I talk to her about it? | My sister started college this fall at the same college I go to. Before she went off to college, I tried to talk about how she needs to be careful with alcohol, knowing all too well what alcohol can do to someone. For the first couple of months, I didn't worry about her and alcohol. I went to parties with my friends, never seeing or hearing from her about what she did on the weekends. I didn't read about her getting arrested, so I figured everything was fine.
However, a couple weeks ago when we were out to dinner, she said something about going to one of the bar. Side note, our college is known to have a really big party scene, getting ranked as on of the top party schools in the nation. I told her to be careful and to not get arrested, trusting her to not make any stupid mistakes. I did not really worry. She didn't have any drunk pictures on Facebook or Twitter, so I thought everything was fine.
I am starting to worry, however, because one of my friends sent me a picture. My sister and someone I know were grinding at a party. I stayed in that night, but she was at a party with a whole bunch of my friends, which was weird to begin with. Her and the fraternity guy were both obviously drunk, and he was holding her hips. I don't even know how to react to this. She used to be my innocent, younger sister, but now she goes to parties and apparently grinds with other people. This makes me start to worry.
I feel like I, as her brother, need to protect her and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. But at the same time, she is in college and I cannot protect her all the time now. What should I do? | Received a picture of my drunk, younger sister who just started college grinding with someone I know. Should I talk to her about it? |
t3_2erwir | tifu | TIFU by trying to explain pickled mini sausages to a cute coworker. | I was at work chatting up my very cute coworker. I told her about a bar I used to go to in Indiana that had "Lil Chubs" as a snack for the patrons in a jar on the bar. They were a joke, mostly. If someone lost a particularly heated game of pool, or lost a bet, the loser would usually have to eat one. To my surprise told me she had never heard of such a thing.
"Hold on, let's consult the Google." I say..
Don't ever ever never type this as a search term!!
Apparently, lil chub is a term for baby dick..? God Damnit. | I googled lil chub in front of a hot girl at work. |
t3_1atz92 | jobs | Just graduated, Looking for some general advice. | I just graduated with bachelors degree in Psychology and a music minor. In my major I focused mostly on hands-on research, methodology, human subject ethics, and handling/analyzing data. Subject wise, I focused in the area of neuroscience (I would have been a Neuroscience major if my school had the program) and the cognitive neuroscience of music. I have 2 years of assisting in research labs, as well as a study of my own which I presented at two academic conventions. I have a small chance that a study or two which I assisted in will be published in the next year. Additionally, I have been an active member of my school's top music ensembles (some of which have national recognition in the music community) for 5 years. And finally, I have minimal actual job experience: a couple years as a custodial assistant, and 6 months recording classes for Media Services.
My eventual goal is to go back for a PhD in Cognitive Neuroscience or Neuropsychology. However, for now, I want to take a little time off to work on $50K loan debts (from 5 years of school) and to get married. During that time, I have moved in with family in the Seattle area, which I am only slightly familiar with. I am literally applying for every possible job that I can - from fast food, to clerical/entry-level, to research assistant jobs.
How can I best market myself to diverse groups? I feel like I have to cater my resume to every job I apply to in order to show that I have the ability to do their work. How do I make my experience noticeable when my resume goes through what ever hiring filters employers use? What are ways to make myself look good to employers? Should I walk in to places and hand over resumes and cover letters after I apply online? Is a simple phone call or email OK?
I need help with the basics mostly. | I have an academic background. I'm taking a year or two off before going back into academia. There are academic-type jobs in my area, but I'm applying for even low-paying crap like fast food and such. I'm looking for general advice related to applying for jobs. |
t3_2hg69v | relationships | Me [25F] with my boyfriend [26m] of 10 mo. I am continuously pushing him away. | My boyfriend and I live together. He just got a new job as a cook overnight. The hours are either 6pm to 2 am or 10pm to 6 am. The Hours suck but the pay is very good, which is why he has the job. He also enjoys working with food. I am happy for him but I hate the hours he works as I work during the day and it's making me act selfish as hell. We see each other for maybe three hours a day and it is starting to bother me. I've been up his ass every morning all week over stupid things that aren't really his fault. The anxiety it is giving me is making me act like such a bitch. And every time it's after a shift he worked and he's exhausted and, understandably, not in the mood for that shit. It always ends with me apologizing and crying once I realize how ridiculous I am being. I know if this keeps up he is going to become increasingly unhappier and eventually leave. It's in the back of my mind all the time, but I'll get so irrationally annoyed that I'll act out regardless. I don't know why I can't stop no matter what I tell myself. He isn't doing anything wrong. He's so perfect, please help if you can. Thank you. | I'm pushing my wonderful boyfriend away over my own irrational insecurities. |
t3_10phai | relationships | I want to ask my bf of almost 7 years to marry me on our next anniversary. (I'm 24, he's 26). | My boyfriend and I met back when I was still in highschool. We have been together through the good times, and the bad, and we have talked about marriage and having kids a lot, especially the past couple years. Our families know it's only a matter of time, so I figure we may as well start planning now. But here's the twist: I'm a silly romantic, and *adore* the cute proposals you always see on the internet, and because I don't expect him to do this for me...I wanna propose to him, and surprise him. Is this going to be horribly emasculating? What if I did it publically? Even worse? I have no idea how to go about this. I heard it's tradition to ask the guy to marry you in Ireland on a leap year...but I don't wanna wait that long. What should I do? | 24 yr. old wants to propose to her 26 yr. old boyfriend of 7 years. Not sure if she should, or how to go about it. |
t3_1r5vep | relationship_advice | Little confused [M/17] (Long Distance of 1400 miles.) | Talking with a friend who i've been sort of close to [F/18] for since around July this year.
She's had a boyfriend the whole time but they've been distancing ever since mid August.
I've been trying to distance myself from her so I don't get feelings. buuut too late.
I know that her relationship is either already over, or suuuper close to ending.
The distancing obviously hasn't worked, and when I said I won't talk to her until December 25th (for a game we wanted to do, but secretly so I could distance myself).
She said "Alright, do what you have to do, but know that i'm not the type to wait around"
Yeah, sure I could be over thinking it because of infatuation, but still.
Go for it? | Infatuated with 18/f who may still be in a relationship, and a final line may either have ruined all of my chances or given me a HUGE last chance. |
t3_32pj36 | self | My mother lets my brother walk all over me and it's starting to piss me off. | So, I'm on food stamps. Not something to be proud of, but I have to be, have no job and I'm technically homeless. Anyways, I buy myself food and all that. He's always eaten food meant for other people and will also make things up to my mother or sister if he thinks he can get away with it. "Mom said those bagels were for everyone."(I was there when she bought them for me!), or my sister coming to ask me about hot pockets. "He(my brother), told me that mom said they were for the whole family." There's two to a pack! I was there when mom BOUGHT THEM! This was when we still lived in a house. Now we live in an rv, and they decided to stick me and him in a separate rv while they're in their own. It's starting to bother me more because I buy this food, I only get 194 to feed myself. MYSELF. ONE PERSON! Not one person and a fat ass glutton who thinks he should be allowed to eat what he wants. My mom gets money to feed three people, so why the fuck is he eating my food when he can just mosey his way over to the other rv and gorge on their food? I guarantee you that they'd bitch and moan about it! But no, apparently if he's eating my food I don't get to say jack SHIT about it and just let it happen! He drank all my milk in a week, he's eaten all MY hot pockets in a day! I shouldn't have to hide food just so I can eat. If I didn't hide food, I'd probably starve to death ad my mom would go. "OH WELL! SHOULD OF HID IT LOL!" She doesn't do ANYTHING about him eating my food, and the moment I yell at him about it, he's whining to her that I "threatened him" and she's taking his side. She wonders why I have depression and an anxiety disorder, or why I don't trust her and hardly speak to her when she's letting him do all this and never doing shit about it. Anyways, sorry you had to listen to my rant. | My brother is a huge cock, down vote at will. |
t3_fvcpm | AskReddit | To those of you who have math-intensive jobs/careers, do you agree with schools who don't allow calculators for use on classwork and/or exams? Do you use them while on the job? | I ask because I am in a university (University of Hawai'i) this semester, and last semester I was in a community college (Red Rocks Community, Co).
I am forced to re-take my math class (PreCalc) for a 2nd time at the new school because the other school called PreCalc by a different name, so new school didn't recognize it, placed me back into PreCalc.
The community college allowed us to use calculators on tests and quizzes and I ended up passing with a B. Not the best, but I'm happy. University does not allow calculators for any reason and currently getting a C, and if I cannot pass a test this week, I will basically fail out the rest of the semester in the class.
It's a test we can take twice a day at certain times, but have to the end of this week to pass it. There are several questions throughout the test I could easily punch in a calculator to get the answer, but don't do so well without it when dealing with logs, exponents, graphs, etc.
So I'm curious about the engineers (my major) and anyone else who uses math as a big part of your job, is there really a point in teaching class without the use of calculators? | When I use a calculator, I do well in math. When I can't use one, seems like I am helpless. Can anyone justify the purpose that certain schools teach without the aid of a calculator? |
t3_23eqae | relationships | Me [27 M] with my girlfriend [27 F] of 10 months; everything is amazing aside from our sex life, I'm afraid this might become an issue. | So let me start out by saying that I live my girlfriend very much. She is an amazing woman with a great career and we pretty much never fight. I want to marry this woman and start a family with her, and she feels the same way. There is only one issue, though; our sex life, and it is completely my fault.
When we do have sex, it's amazing. We both seem to enjoy it, and we have very similar libidos. Lately, though, I've been having issues. About a year before we started dating, I started to experience some bouts of erectile dysfunction. Lately, though, it has gotten much worse. I am currently seeing a doctor about it.
My biggest fear is that this will be an ongoing issue. She says that it really does not bother her when I can't have sex, but like I said it's starting to become more and more difficult for me. I'm afraid that if I can't fix this issue permanently, it will cause a strain in our relationship. I love having sex with her, and genuinely want to, but my body won't let me. At this point, it is not causing issues between us, and we have great communication, but I'm afraid down the line it might. Are my fears justified? I don't want to lose this girl. | I have ED and I'm afraid it might cause issues further on down my relationship. |
t3_147e9l | relationships | My [20F] boyfriend [24M] thinks he is stupid, when he's actually not. | I'll try to keep this short. We've been dating almost a year now.
I am (not to brag or be condescending) more intelligent than my boyfriend is. When we first started dating I was 19 and he was 23. I fell instantly for him and I haven't looked back since. He had just finished his bachelor's degree at 24, and he is a network administrator. He's funny and smart, and he makes me laugh like no one else.
The problem is that while he finished his bachelor's at 24, I am finishing my master's at 20. I am what you might call more intelligent, but I'm still not a genius by any means. He thinks that he will never be right for me and constantly puts himself down and says he is dumb.
I don't think he is dumb at all. I actually think he is very intelligent. He took 6 years to get his bachelor's because he was working full time and he's now making over 60k a year in his first out of college job. He has a wealth of knowledge about music and art, and he makes me laugh. He thinks that because I have a lot of high level conversations with my student peers that it means that I want to always talk about in-depth topics. I don't. I enjoy those conversations, but I enjoy the conversations he and I have more.
I guess my point is, how do I make him see that he is smart, and that he doesn't have to have a million degrees to be good enough for me? I don't give a damn about whether or not he knows how Kant is or if he can speak 4 languages. I care about him because it's *him*. | I'm a lot smarter than my boyfriend, he thinks he's dumb when he's actually above average. How do I show him that? |
t3_3gwjef | relationships | Me [24/F] with my boyfriend [25/M] together for a year and a half. Not sure if we should stay together. | I've been in a mostly happy relationship for a year and a half. My boyfriend is great and I love him. We get along, my family loves him, we have the same sense of humor, and we like to do similar things. Recently he asked if I'd like to move in with him. At first I was excited, but then it dawned on me. He doesn't save any money(spends 400 bucks on pants, but then doesn't get me a valentines gift), he doesn't like to talk about the future seriously, and he doesn't take care of himself all that well. I've also tried to be open with him about seriously fertility issues that I have, I can't wait till I'm in my 30's to start trying for kids. He wants them, but will not talk further about it. When I try to talk further about it, he seems really uncomfortable.
After I started thinking about us seriously, my interest in having sex dropped dramatically. I've talked to him about these things, but it doesn't really go anywhere. I even asked if it would bother him to never have sex with anyone else ever again. I didn't get a solid answer and he seemed upset that I asked. We've decided not to move in right now, but he seems to be going on like nothing has been brought up. Although, he is worried about the lack of sex.
I just don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him, but this doesn't seem like it will work out long term. He's been dumped in all of his past relationships and if it comes down to ending it, I don't want to hurt him. | Relationship doesn't feel like it's going to make it long term, not sure if we should stay together. |
t3_3yqau9 | relationships | I [19 M] want to stop being 'best friends' with my roommate [22 M] but I'm nervous | For the past year, I've been really good friends with this guy who we'll call Garrett. Garrett and I were such good friends that we decided to move in together and start being roommates this past June. At first everything seemed fine, but over the course of 6 months a lot has gone to shit.
Garrett has done a lot of things that have betrayed my trust and made me feel like a second rate friend to him. I've brushed them off and let it go for the sake of having a more peaceful living situation. He has apologized time and time again and has admitted multiple times how crappy of a friend he can be and I've always forgiven him for the things he's done because I know Garrett is a depressed and unhappy person.
But I've had it though. I'm sick of his constant bad attitude and the way he talks to me and treats me. I used to forgive him because I thought his apologies actually meant something and that he was really going to try and change, but I'm realizing now that I've been waiting around for a change that isn't going to happen.
I want to tell Garrett that we can try to be roommates but that we need to stop pretending that we're best friends. I'm nervous and stressed about this though because he has been my main support system and social interaction at college (he knows this, too, and I'm afraid he'll hold this against me). Garrett is also notorious for cutting people off at the knees when he feels that he's been wronged and I'm concerned how trying to live just as roommates is going to go.
Although Garrett is the older one, in a lot of ways I feel like I act more like an adult in the friendship than he does. When he doesn't get his way he becomes a very vindictive person and I'm afraid of that. He can be manipulative and controlling; I want to break free from this - I don't want to allow him to make another fake apology and then just drag me into a relapse of how the last 6 months have gone. How do I approach him about this and get him to try and act like an adult about this situation? | Currently living with roommate/'best friend'. He is a crappy friend and I'm done with it, I don't want to try and save the friendship because there is nothing there to be saved in the first place. I want to tell my 'best friend' that we need to just be roommates. He can be very manipulative/controlling/vindictive, however, and I'm afraid what he's going to do. I don't know how I can approach him about this without making him hate me and want to get revenge somehow. |
t3_3ns28c | relationships | I (25 F) am taking on my brother (17) who has an alcohol and drug problem. Looking for advice. | So some back story...
My brother (17) has been drinking and using drugs since he was 15, maybe younger I'm not 100% sure because it's only speculation from my sister.
This last year especially has been difficult. He continuously lies about drinking and my Mom finds large empty bottles of some sort in his room or in the trash outside. Countless times he's finished off my Mom's bottle of wine and lied about it. He's even been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. So I understand that he has a problem and that he needs help.(He's mentioned to me once that he thinks he's an alcoholic)
As far as drugs go I know that he does acid, mushrooms, ecstasy and smokes a lot of weed. And I believe he mentioned that he has used prescription drugs.
He's still drinking and doing drugs and this past weekend my Mom caught him finishing off a bottle of vodka so as punishment she turned the internet off. That turned into a huge fight and ended with my brother going to a friends. This was on Friday and he still hasn't come home. My Mom feels that she has tried everything but he is still defiant, disrespectful and thinks she is simply controlling. So she has decided that a change of scenery is what he needs (I agree) and he is coming to live with me. My husband and I are going to sit down tonight and come up with ground rules for him. I don't want to mother him because I'm not his mom I'm his sister, so how do I go about all of this?
I'm so overwhelmed and I'm not exactly sure where to start.
How can I encourage my brother to get the help he needs?
Any advice is greatly appreciated. | Mom is sending my little brother (17) to live with me so that I can help him address his addiction and get him the help he needs. Looking for advice. |
t3_53yvcy | relationship_advice | I [21/f] need advice on what to do with my [21/m] boyfriend. | Throwaway account for reasons.
Basically we've been together for nearly 2.5 years, we live together and we've been pretty okay. Lately I've been getting irritated at everything he does and I'm not sure why. I just don't like the way he speaks to me or the way he says things. I don't know whether I'm being crazy or if he's actually changed. He can never take anything I say seriously and he gets mad at what I feel is stupid shit. And sex is a big issue for us. He wants it all day everyday but I don't ever want to have sex. I think the problem is that I'm so annoyed with him that I'm unattracted to him. I dont want to kiss him or touch him or anything. He's a little heavier so he tends to be sweaty all the time and it grosses me out. He also smokes and I can not stand it. I've been asking him to quite since May but he just doesn't seem to care and he says he likes smoking. I've tried asking him politely to be healthier and start going to the gym/eating better but he just doesn't care. He tells me hes happy the way he it. The sex he do have is also less than satisfying for me. I love him and we've had fun together the past few years but lately I just dont feel like we're compatable anymore. I've also started having dreams of other people and my dreams feel so much more lively than what I have in reality. Part of me is wondering if I'm just sticking around to play it "safe". I don't know. Any advice is welcomed, I don't know how to fix these things or if they're even fixable. | My boyfriend has become unattractive to me because reasons and everything he does is annoying me lately. I dont know how to solve this. |
t3_2cxub9 | relationships | Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [23 F] of three months can't decide on the next move. | Hi Reddit,
So I have been seeing this great gal for around three months now. We both work at a seasonal job and live 4 doors down. We spend everyday with each other and our personalities mesh extremely well. Everything was great until we started about moving in together and general life stuff.
I am the one with all the drive, work experience, education, etc. This has been her only "real" job and dropped out of college. I have been getting a few offers from companies out of state that I would love to take but I don't want her to feel like something I can just pack up and take with me. I want her to contribute to the life plan, but with limited experience it's hard on her.
So....any advice?
Cheers! | Mandatory summary/question! |
t3_ty0y6 | AskReddit | Reddit; Whats something people complain about all the time but always use that bothers you? | I have a friend that often breaks the law and some how always manages to find a lawyer to get him out of things. He constantly complains about the police, about how we dont need them and shouldnt have any. This same guy calls the police when his house got broken into, and when some sort of illegal things I cant remember happened to his grandmother. I asked him why he could say he doesnt think we should have police but still calls them and his reply was "Well they dont do their job, and when ever I call them nothing comes from it" Even when I brought up the argument that there are people like him that get good lawyers, and they cant convict people without proper evidence he stands by his original statements. | Friend complains police arent needed but calls police when ever anything goes wrong. |
t3_2ow7wy | tifu | TIFU by not coming home | So after a long week of barely seeing my girlfriend, I decided to hang out with her after work on Monday. I was scheduled to receive my secret santa gift that day, as well as a gift for my brother.
At around 9pm, I went home and realized that I hadn't received any packages. So I decided to wait another day, and I still hadn't received anything. Now I just realized that my gifts have probably been stolen from my front porch and so I missed out on my secret santa present AND I don't have a gift for my brother now. Fuck my life. | I didn't go home and my Christmas presents were stolen. |
t3_1b5zgr | relationships | I [f20] am sometimes bothered with how some of her [f21] guy friends like to constantly hang out with her. | * We've been together for roughly 14 months.
* This is about several of her guy friends. Objectively speaking, some clearly used to be/are interested in her (let's call them Group A). Others are just friends/unknown (these are Group B).
* They don't hang out with her at the same time (ala group of friends).
I've gotten her to stop hanging out with guys from Group A, especially because it led to bad situations.
So now my issue is just the guys from group B.
I don't want to bar her from meeting them entirely. I don't want to tell her to break off the friendship. I don't want to get into this anymore, but yes, I was justified and she agreed in hindsight after apologizing profusely.
I would like to deal with how uncomfortable I feel about how said guys (at different times) maintain constant communication with her on Facebook chat (because she usually shows me some things on her feed and the chat window with said friend/s are visible on the bar. I do not log into her account -- I don't even know her password.), via texts when we're out of the house. There have been times when the communication was virtually endless for the length of several days (Switch from text -> facebook -> text -> real life -> etc). They would also just constantly meet up and invite her to go watch movies/plays/go ice skating at the mall.
As I said, I don't want to toss a wall between them. But I would like the guys from Group B to back off.
Should I talk to them myself? If so, what do I tell them?
Should I ask her to talk to them? If so, should I do a follow-up to make sure she does so?
How do I go about this without offending her (I don't really care about offending them but if it's avoidable, that would be good. For most, we are friendly acquaintances. The rest I've only seen in passing.)? | I'm uncomfortable with guy friends constantly talking/hanging out with her. How do I deal with it without hurting anyone? |
t3_yyn7t | relationships | Boyfriend [19] is incredibly selfish and unwilling to try changing. I'm female, [19] | We've been dating for about half a year, we're both 19, but lately it's all the little things he does that have been hurting me. I have always had problems communicating, but yesterday I finally told him how I feel about how he treats me.
All I got in response? "i understand but I've always thought this way. i kinda find it hard to see it from other peoples points of view when my own life kinda revolves around itself and its the one i pay most attention to.
I tried to continue the talk, but he just kept going back to "this is how I am". I said that he might want to start thinking about other people's feelings, and he still said the same thing, and that the argument was over. (And that the only way to end an argument is for us to agree to disagree. I suppose he's never heard of compromise.) I haven't said a word to him since.
What do I do? I really like the guy, but I have enough other awful things in my life right now, I don't need him treating me like dirt too. | Fed up with boyfriend only thinking about himself, not sure where to go from here. |
t3_2xj9pn | relationships | [25 M] That feeling when you think you might have found someone great for you but realize otherwise in one night | Been going out for close to two months now and thought she really had long-term potential dinner tonight just sorta revealed to me otherwise. She seemed to have really enjoyed herself during our dates and even enjoyed dinner but thankfully I think she picked up on my tentativeness and ended the night only with a peck on the cheek instead of our normal kiss/make out. Hoping it'll just be the mutual fade and she doesn't try to contact me.
Had like 20 first dates within the past few months, I'm just tired. Sorry more ranty than anything. Not even sure if any advice/life tips are applicable for this. | Great lady but no. Just feeling tired and empty now. |
t3_3cxfw0 | relationships | My [18] Girlfriend [17] of 3 months, decided to be in a LDR but I don't know where to start. | First, let me start by saying 3 months isn't actually 3 months. We dated for 6 months two years ago, broke up for a whole year, then got back together 3 months ago. And when those 3 months started, it felt as if we picked up where we left off, so this relationship is a lot more serious than it sounds.
Both of us are going to different states for college, but we love each other so we decided we would try a long distance relationship. My questions are: what is it going to be like, how am I going to make it work, etc. We already talked about how we're going to stay in touch because we both are going to have rigorous school work schedules (we're going to talk on the phone when we wake up and right before we go to bed and text each other during the day whenever we can, for those detail lovers).
My problem is that I'm a very protective person. Of course I'm going to be okay with her talking to other guys - I'm not possessive - but what if another guy ends up hitting on her or something? What am I supposed to do and how am I supposed to feel? What if she feels like she's going to break up with me just because of the fact that she can't handle a long distance relationship? All of these questions need answers and have been swirling around in my head and I don't know what to do with them.
Sometimes I feel like these questions are best to be answered as the relationship goes along, and to deal with them as they come.
Reddit, I'm just nervous. My girlfriend and I both love each other, there's no doubt about that. I'm just new to long distance relationships and I need to know how to handle it. | About to be in my first long distance relationship. How should I go about dealing with my worries? |
t3_316scw | relationships | Me [26F] with my boyfriend [33M] 5 years, he's been having very sexual dreams about other women...what would you do? | My boyfriend of 5 years has very sexual dreams regularly about other women.
It really bothers me and I'm not sure how to tackle it. I have confronted him about it and he knows it upsets me, as I've taken to sleeping on the sofa when it happens.
He's never admitted that he has these dreams but it's not hard to work out when he calling out other women's names during the night amongst saying things like '(name) F**k me, I want to F**k you so bad (name)' do this to me, do that to me.
More bothering is that when he's having these dreams, he holds on to me and tries having sex with me....while saying someone else's name! Commonly the name of an girl he was seeing before me. I literally have to slap him away and get out of bed.
This has been going on for almost a couple of years, and while we have a rocky relationship at the best of times, this has become more and more frequent this year. I've just had enough of it and would appreciate any advice. | Again, when he wakes up the next day he will never admit to having these dreams and insists I must be making it up...advice please?! |
t3_1aac2g | pettyrevenge | Any suggestions? Plagiarizing coworker needs a dose of /r/pettyrevenge. | I haven't seen anyone request revenge tips... so if this is out of place feel free to remove it.
**So here's the details:**
My girlfriend caught a coworker (I work there too) plagiarizing 15+ articles in the past few months he's worked there. Worst of all? He's a Senior Communications Specialist. He's trying to pass off articles, presentations, and emails that he literally copied and pasted from the internet as his own. Not ONE citation.
My girlfriend alerted his (which is also her) boss about this, especially since some of these communications have been going out at a national level, which could be very embarrassing for their department if found out. Said boss told him to go back and cite everything. He didn't lose his job, and must not feel that bad about it since he's making his team feel very uncomfortable assuming it was one of them who came to the boss about his plagiarism. In the past day, he's snapped at my gf, made nasty comments, and refuses to do any work for the team. The situation is getting worse by the hour. She's documenting and will report anything extreme to HR.
All told, this guy is a real piece of crap. He's been harassing my gf since he started there. It is also quite apparent that he's been plagiarizing his work for years based on how poor his writing and spelling is. My guess is that it is only a matter of time before he either quits or is fired, but I'd like to have some internal satisfaction for my gf and myself that only petty revenge can bring.
My first thought is to leave articles by the communal printer of people who were fired for plagiarism.
Does /r/pettyrevenge have any suggestions? | Coworker is blatantly plagiarizing and harassing coworkers for informing his boss. Looking for creative ideas to get back at him. |
t3_20num6 | relationship_advice | I don't know how to forgive him... | My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years, married for 2.5. His brother is a narcissist. He is toxic, irrational, abusive. My husband worked for him because it was easy, I was never comfortable but didn't fight it because his income has never been steady, and anything is better than nothing.
On our anniversary in sept, his brother decided to tell him that he hates me (for no reason), and that I am not welcome anywhere in his life, or in my father-in-law's. My husband responded by telling him "well, people are like cilantro, I can't make you like her, but I ask that you be civil"... I was so hurt and insulted that he did not stand up for me. I cried every time I thought about it, and begged him to look for a new job...he worked there 5 days/week for another 7 months, and never looked for a new job. The only reason he left is his brother destroyed/lost the business last week.
He has apologized and said that he made a mistake, and claims that he wants nothing to do with his brother until he apologizes to both of us, and yet he speaks nicely to him when he calls, and even sends him job postings to help him find work.
I have suggested counselling, and he refuses. I am full of anger and resentment...not sure what to do. | brother-in-law forced my husband to choose between us, my husband betrayed my trust and humiliated me for 7 months. |
t3_539w2a | relationships | I (29f) am falling for my roommate (30m) and need advice. | I'll try to make this short, throwaway for reasons.
I live in a house with 2 people. One of them is irrelevant to this story, the other I am desperately falling for and don't know what to do about it.
He just moved in May of this year, but in the short time we've lived together we have become very close.
We talked about dating roommates once (while I was in the first stages of my crush lol) and he specifically said he doesn't mess around with roommates. This has been my rule also for the 10 years I've been living with others, so I agree.
Yet I can't get him out of my head, and it's driving me crazy. I want him but can't have him. I even tried going on okstupid, went on a few dates to "distract" myself. Did not work.
How the hell can I either get over him, or in some miracle fantasy land has anyone ever had this happen to them and have a good outcome? | I want my roomie, how can I stop feels for him? or is there a chance? |
t3_1wwsq6 | relationships | Me [23 F] with my ex [25 M] of 4 months, wondering if I made the right choice breaking up with him | Two days ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months and I'm constantly doubting my decision. I decided to end it because I hate the way he acts when we argue; it's as if he turns into a bitter, angry version of himself that can't be reached. That leaves me feeling alone, and on multiple occasions made me feel like breaking up was inevitable (only to have the feeling go away when we got along). And a few times when I've brought up issues, he's discounted them (i.e. "it wasn't as big a deal as you think, nobody noticed"), making me feel like he doesn't truly respect my opinions.
I've brought it up to him before that I hate how he acts when he's angry, only to get rebuffed. He gets very defensive. Though, I was never able to effectively communicate what it is he does, just that "I don't like the way you act when you're angry" and "it's like you're another person". I feel like I should have tried harder. When I broke up with him he said he didn't realize I was that upset about it (even though I've voiced how upset it made me nearly every time he got angry) and that he thought it was a stupid decision to make without trying to work on it. | Broke up with boyfriend over anger issues, unsure if they are an unchangeable part of him and having doubts. |
t3_3zpk7e | relationships | [20M] I'm a virgin and I'm afraid how my gf [18F] is going to react to it. | We've been dating for almost 3 months now and the subject of sex has come up frequently. It's a wonder she didn't ask me this already and it's just the matter of time.
I'm afraid I'll end up looking like a loser. I'm 20 and haven't lost my virginity yet, but it's because I didn't wanted to it. I had more opportunities than most people I believe, but casual sex just isn't my thing. Explaining it like "I didn't wanted to" would be even worse in my opinion, I'd come off as a loser + liar.
I just don't know how to explain it without being put down. At 18, I DID receive a blowjob from a girl I just met. Maybe I should tell her that in a way I realized back then that this stuff isn't for me, but then she could get an impression that I'm disgusted with sex or I don't know...
Note that I'm average/above average looking and very experienced in dating. People literally don't believe me when I tell them, they think I'm joking. GF told me I'm her first boyfriend so she's probably a virgin too. She probably thinks I've done it many times...
What is the best way of saying this without sounding like a loser?
What would you think of a guy who's 20 and a virgin?
Girls, how would you react to that? | I'm a virgin and I'm afraid of how my gf is going to react to it. Any advice? |
t3_dgdfu | AskReddit | What can I do when my step-mom is claiming I steal from her and my dad and lies about it as well as making other bizarre claims? | I have not lived with my family since I was 15 because of her yet even today she still causes me problems. She has accused me of stealing sleep apnea machines of hers and my dad even though I was not even in the country, breaking into my dad's jeep (her psychic told her that I did this), stealing silverware (this is some something I inherited from my great uncle), stealing a bread machine, stealing my dad's binoculars (I borrowed them with his permission), stealing money from the high school I went to (never happened),and hacking the phone system at said school (wtf?). The list goes on and on and it won't stop because my dad is to weak, I honestly would not be surprised if he as a mild form of Asperger's, to stand up to her. She keeps on sending emails claiming these things to my wife, my grandma, my sister, and sometimes other members of my family. What's worse is the last time we met in person she told my wife to leave me and that there was a pattern of mental health problems in both my father's and mother's families and that my dad sexually abused one of his sister's (her psychic told her this as well).
I have tried living out of the country for nearly a decade and not talking to either of my parents (this worked relatively well), ignoring her (did not work), and confronting her about what she was doing (she just does it all the more). | My step-mom makes all sorts of nasty false accusation in emails and in conversation to members of my family. What can I do to make her stop? |
t3_rm95g | relationship_advice | I lied to my girlfriend, she found out. I don't know what to feel or what to do. | This was my first girlfriend, first time, first everything, but she didn't know that because I lied to her about my life the first 3 months we started talking. I was a total burnout those 3ish months, smoking/drinking everyday, totally antisocial, and I felt like any friend I could get was worth it. So I lied to her thinking I could impress her, and I did, and we started dating. I felt terrible about lying to her but I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. Mostly out of shame, but also out of fear of how horrible it would make her feel. I convinced myself that I could stay with her as long as I never lied to her again. I did, but I also avoided and continued the lies I had already established. We've been together for a year now and she finally found out in the worst way possible, by my friend mentioning I'd never been with another girl other than her. I confirmed this and to my surprise she wasn't even angry. She laughed and didn't speak of it again except when I would repeatedly tell her how sorry I am, to which she'd say "It's fine". I talked with her on the phone after the event we were at and the conversation slowly got worse as it went on. She started off happy because of how much dirt she had on me (she's great), but she began talking more and more about how we're less likely to last together because first relationships are usually experimental and I am convinced I'm in love with her but it's not real, which I rejected. I feel like the douchebag at the end of the movie who gets exposed as a big pussy and now everything I feel or do is being questioned. I'm definitely not that person anymore, I have a hugely active social life, having her has mellowed me out immensely. But at the same time I can't prove that to her because of what I did to her. Her believing that we're not going to last completely changes the relationship, and that's exactly what I was afraid of in the first place. I love her and all I'd be perfectly happy with staying with her forever. It just feels like I'm never going to be able to fix this. | I lied about me having previous girlfriends, she found out and was totally fine with it, I did my best to tell her how sorry I am and how she should be totally pissed at me. She's now convinced we're not going to last because first relationships are usually experimental. I feel like shit. |
t3_3vhick | tifu | TIFU by accidentally locking myself in the bathroom | This little TIFU happened a couple of days ago.
That morning I got up unusually early because I was going to go on a date (we were going to have a breakfast together and see a movie in an empty theater – that kinda thing). So, I went to the bathroom to perform the usual morning rituals. I showered, got out of the tub and attempted to exit the room. However, when I began turning the handle I heard a suspicious crack and a subtle flop from the other side of the door. I stared at the handle in my hand, dumbfounded. It was no longer attached to the door! I tried putting it back but it wouldn't fit. You see, the subtle flop from the other side was the other handle abandoning its post along with the spindle that is kind of essential for opening the latch.
The sense of dread overwhelmed me. My roommate had left for another city and was not going to return for at least 5 days; all of my relatives live in another city (we don't talk that often) and my friends weren't going to miss me for a few days as I'm known to avoid human contact every once in a while; I work from home so no colleagues would've come looking for me either. Plus, knowing the girl I was going to go out with, she would've probably thought that I'd changed my mind and just decided not to show up or something like that. I had a very realistic vision of my roommate coming back from his trip only to find me curled up and crying on the bathroom floor, and every inch of the walls and the ceiling covered with apocalyptic messages written primarily with fecal matter and blood.
The decision was reached in a split second. I shoved the door with my shoulder and to my surprise I managed to break it open with one hit. Not the lock, though - that bastard stayed in place - but the middle section of the door, which just fell off. I was free! The sweet taste of triumph quickly went sour though, once I realized what the door looked like: [Imgur] | the bathroom door tried to cockblock me, now I need another door. |
t3_2duhsz | relationships | My [29 F] SO [32 M] is still friends with dozens of exes, friends-with-benefits, and one night stands on Facebook | We have been in a relationship for 1.5 years now. At the beginning, I knew that he had had several long-term serious relationships, but that he had spent many years living the single life. He's handsome and outgoing, and he had no trouble meeting women.
Over the recent months, it's become apparent to me that of his 400 Facebook friends, many are women that he has been with. I honestly have no issue with him staying in contact with women that he dated seriously or that he dated casually but remained friends with. I think it's actually a great sign that he can remain on good terms with them.
It's the others that I'm struggling with - women that he had friends-with-benefits arrangements with or women that he had one night stands with, often while traveling. I honestly don't understand why he would remain Facebook friends with them, and it's often been several years since they have had any direct contact.
I have tried to broach this with him once, and he got very defensive. He said it would be "too awkward" to delete any of his Facebook friends. Honestly, it makes me feel uneasy (and perhaps, insecure) to realize that of his 400 friends, at least 25 to 50 are past partners.
Intellectually, I know that the past is the past. I've accepted that his is an especially colorful one. But I genuinely do not understand why he would use social media as a way to keep a connection with prior FWB and ONS.
I think this issue is exacerbated by the fact that there's no mention (let alone photos) of me or of our relationship anywhere on his Facebook page. Only his close friends know about me, really. But despite all of this, we do love each other and we are planning to move in together soon. I think that's why all of this bothers me so much - if I'm the one he wants a future with, then why does he need to keep his past so close at hand?
Can anyone offer insight? Am I being unfair or unreasonable here? | Boyfriend is friends with many exes/FWB/ONS on Facebook and it bothers me. |
t3_16637e | offmychest | I Gotta Let this Out | A few years back, when I was babysitting my younger brother and step-sister, I tried to...I don't know, I guess molest my younger step-sister. I was maybe 16 at the time, and ridden with hormones, and she was probably 8 years old. I was pent up with hormones and urges at the time, and while I didn't penetrate her or touch her inappropriately, it was pleasing to have her bounce up and down on my lap and give me a hard on and press it against her.
Fast forward a few years, and I have absolutely 0 sexual urges toward her, nor have I done it to her again. My stepmom said they had a great time with me the night it happened, and it freaked me out that maybe she knew about it and made me realize how fucking horrible it was to do. She hasn't mentioned anything about it, and frankly doesn't even seem to remember any of it happening or know what was happening. I'm still terrified that I may have caused some kind of damage, and don't know what I should do. If I leave it alone, it'll always feel like a ticking time bomb to me, and if I talk to her about it, she might remember and realize what I did to her. I'll admit I'm afraid of any trouble I'd get in. I have never told this to anyone, because for all those years I had felt like I worked it out in my mind and moved on, but it still haunts me.
Am I a fucking horrible person for having done this, or am I just blowing normal teenage hormones out of proportion? | I did bad things to my stepsister years ago, and it's now beginning to haunt me |
t3_3ifqr1 | relationships | I'm having a hard time getting past my (f/22) husband's (m/24) online behaviour... | Well, I won't bore you with a back story. We've been together for about 4 years, married only for a few months.
I'm having a hard time getting past my husband's online behaviour. To put it shortly, he is very flirtatious (?) On Facebook and instagram and snapchat. He's been caught chatting with a girl on facebook about the usual stuff before, about how he liked her and wanted to see her and all that jazz, but nothing ever got physical and I shut it down immediately before anything else had progressed. I made him block that specific person on all accounts and even send a message to her saying that both he and she were being very disrespectful towards me, and how she knew we were together but had continued to pursue him which had made me very upset.
But that was over, and we have been communicating better and both working through our issues. Now, he was always the very flirtatious type, but nothing ever really suspicious or over the edge. But lately, he's been commenting on photos of his "friends" bare butts and others pictures with cleavage and profile pictures with smiley faces and "very nice :)", "you're looking 100%", etc etc...but what really has been ticking me off has been those photos that everyone has been sharing that goes something like "like 3 pics and I'll rate you" or "comment your name and I'll give you a emoji" which is always about would I date you, screw you or whatever.
And he's been doing a lot of those. Commenting on girls pics and then sending back comments like that.
My question here is, am I just being a psycho based on past infidelity? Am I being reasonable in getting mad?
What should I say to him? | My husband has been liking those stupid share posts on Facebook from random girls asking for a rating. Also comments flirtatiously on girls photos of bare butts and cleavage. Should I be mad or nah? |
t3_tu71j | AskReddit | Meme verb agreement? | So, memes often have an understood pronoun. For instance, Socially Awkward Penguin: "Start Telling Joke, Forget Punchline." This is either "I start telling joke, I forget punchline" or "You start telling joke, you forget punchline."
However, it can also be: "Starts Telling Joke, Forgets Punchline" in which the understood pronoun is it/she/he. "She starts telling joke, she forgets punchline."
Which is preferred? I see them both ways. It seems like the point of a meme is to speak for yourself or to a generalized audience or that kind of "you" that means "one". "You never know until you try" is really saying, "one never knows until one tries." Which means maybe one starts telling a joke, and one forgets punchline. Also, it could be that you're describing a socially awkward penguin. He starts telling a joke, he forgets the punchline. | What's the correct understood pronoun in a meme? "You", "I", "It" or "One"? |
t3_4f7cyd | relationships | I (24 F) don't want to "catch up" with an old middle school friend on a coffee date. How do I bail? | So this probably sounds childish but my old middle school friend just asked if I would go for coffee with her to catch up on Tuesday. I'm an extremely awkward person and I have generalized anxiety disorder. Last time I ran into her it was like hell, how awkward it was. We stopped talking entirely about 4 or 5 years ago. I have her on facebook, which makes it even worse. I don't know what to even talk about because we both already know everything that's going on with each other. I also find it odd how people are suddenly talking to me now that I'm pregnant.
Anyways how do I politely and not obviously bail on this coffee date. There is literally no part of me that wants to go, I haven't had friends of my own for about 4 years and I don't want to, really. I have my boyfriend and occasionally hang out with his friends, which drains me mentally enough as it is. I don't want her to feel like it's her though, I don't have an issue with her. It's myself. Thank you for any help. | I'm extremely antisocial and I think I would probably die if I had to catch up with an old friend, how do I bail without making it seem like I hate her? |
t3_3jf63f | relationships | I [21M] struggle with handling my girlfriend [20F] of 3 years' intense mood swings and impulsive behavior. Despite my best efforts, I feel like I am making her angry and frustrated at me on a daily basis. | My girlfriend and I have been together for three years and have lived together since May of this year. We live with two of our college friends (both male) who are easy going and good roommates.
I discovered early on in our relationship that while I consider myself more of an optimist, my girlfriend is generally cynical and pessimistic, and has less patience for frustrating tasks. On a daily basis she will get frustrated at me, and the ways in which I perform even simple tasks like stacking plates in the cabinet or parking the car. Other times she will become frustrated by outside factors, but will treat me as if I was the cause.
I feel like I am in a "pins and needles" state much of the time, trying to tailor what I say and to keep from upsetting her. When she gets upset at me about something, she will effectively "shut down," not saying anything for long stretches of time and not making eye contact with me.
She also exhibits impulsive and irrational behavior, often when we're not together, which has led to me having to pick her up at a friend's house upset and intoxicated more than a couple times. Usually she tries to avoid me finding out that she is intoxicated. One of the people that has been with her on some of these occasions is a coworker of her's that has said in the past that he wished I was not around and that they could be together. I do not suspect her of cheating, but the fact that she has continued to hang out with someone who openly has feelings for her bothers me.
While we are both independent people and I've always enjoyed that aspect of our relationship, I am feeling more and more that the way we communicate is not healthy, and that her perpetual cycle of negativity has made me anxious and on edge. Her erratic emotions and impulsive decisions have made me suspect that she may suffer from a mood disorder, but I feel that it would be unfair for me to make decisions based on that assumption, and any suggesting of seeking emotional help tends to lead nowhere. | My girlfriend is angry and cynical on a near daily basis, and it often stems from minor decisions and simple mistakes that I make. She is often impulsive and sometimes puts herself in unsafe situations, which she tries to prevent me from getting involved in. I worry that she may have a mental illness. |
t3_1w999w | relationships | Me [23/F] with my bf [26 M] together 3 years, trying to decide what a break is for | What are breaks really for? boyfriend wants to take 1 year break until I graduate from college. so we can be together then. I commute two hours everyday to go to School and take it very seriously and I know that taking a break will eat me up inside, but also not spending time together will strain the relationship to a permanent split. I'm sure that people aren't"meant" to be together and a break that long will drive him out of my heart for good. it hurts he won't be supportive right now and wait for me like I waited for him to finish school. I'm scared he will date other people and I could never forgive him for doing that during our break because I know I wouldn't date anyone else if there is still a chance for us... | do breaks ever really work in solving problems? |
t3_41gxvl | relationships | Me [late 20sF] with my family [50s M/F] all my life, how to best support my transgender cousin [mid 20s MtF]? | Throwaway and details slightly changed because I don't want to accidentally out anyone.
**Background:** My father comes from a large-ish, religious family, the majority of whom live in the deep South. His family tends to deal with issues by ignoring them, until (hopefully) somebody comes around. This is how they dealt with my uncle's marriage to someone outside the faith (which was eventually grudgingly accepted), this is how they dealt with my conversion to a different faith (which was eventually graciously accepted), and this seems to be how they're dealing with my transgender cousin (MtF, mid20s). The fact she even came out as transgender is a big step considering the family, and the timing probably has something to do with my grandmother's relatively recent passing. This may also be why the family has not yet accepted the situation, since she has only been out for about two years.
**Problem:** I'm going to visit this branch of the family soon, and ideally I'd like to be able to support my cousin and also not cause any waves. When I asked my dad for guidance, he said he hadn't really talked with the family because it's not the sort of thing you talk about over the phone. So I'm turning to you, /r/relationships - how can I manage this balancing act, especially when I don't actually know how my/her family feels about the situation. | How can I best support my transgender cousin and her choices without causing a rift in my dad's family? |
t3_sgvdk | AskReddit | Anyone who has a fear of dentists-how did you overcome your fears? | When my sister and I went young, we didn't visit the dentist very often. Usually it was only to get a cavity filled or my first root canal at a young age. Ever since then I can't get over my fear. I need dental work done, badly. I'm also afraid of the cost. I do have a Care Credit account but only $1000 limit, that is no where near enough.
I've tried asking for an increase but they rejected it. Has anyone had any luck with the dentist office getting an increase granted?
I'm finally trying to really step up and get over my fear but I don't know how and I don't know where to turn.
If anyone has any help or advice, I would appreciate it so very much. | Fear of dentist |
t3_f7472 | cats | Her highness demands to be released at 05:00. | Ok, so we have this cat (born wild) we adopted like 7 years ago. She's grown from a growling ball of fury in a large hamster cage (for her and our safety) to a fairly social cat, atleast to us. Anyway, during the day she's awesome.
There is just one thing that's been annoying the hell out of me lately and that's the fact that her highness doesn't care for the living room door being closed in the morning. We keep her and another cat in the living room (+litterboxes) during the night, because otherwise they'll often tear around the (2 bedroom) apartment which isn't quite compatible with trying to get some sleep.
This means she's scratching/clawing at the living room door at 5:00, 6:00 or 7:00 in the morning, and she'll easily go at it for 30 mins straight, which in turn means -I- am awake at 5, 6 or 7 in the morning, every day, because I sleep lightly and the apartment isn't that big so the noise carries into the bedroom.
We've tried a few things, like repremanding her by squirting water at her or having the vacuumcleaner (which she hates) in the living room and activating it from the bedroom (the apartment is small enough :)) when she scratches to try and create a negative association with scratching at the door. While the vacuumcleaner helps for the moment, it isn't a fix: she'll do it again the next morning, and the next morning, etc.
So my question for you, cattit:
Do you know of any tricks I could try and get her to stop scratching the door in the morning? | Cat scratches door at 5, 6 or 7 in the morning, every day, waking me up that early every day. Any tips for getting her to stop ? |
t3_1pgj0k | relationships | Me [18 M] dating [20 F] for 6 weeks. She's not ready for sex but I don't want to be abstinent on her behalf. What should I do? | I completely and utterly respect that she isn't ready for sex. It's her body and I don't want to pressure her.
However, I am ready for sex, and while I'm not frustrated on an intellectual level, I certainly am on a hormonal level.
She's a very smart girl, and I don't want to lose her just because we are at different stages sexually.
I have a friend who I engaged in casual sex with before this started. I was wondering what the go is with that. Can I see her to tie myself over till my girlfriend is ready?
The fact that I wouldn't be comfortable telling either of them I am seeing the other is a big hint for me not to do it.
However, I am starting to watch pornography which I really feel uncomfortable about, but I need an outlet, and I seem to be losing a grip on things a little bit, because her not wanting to have sex is a little damaging for my self esteem. She doesn't have any religious or moral reasons to not have sex she simply just doesn't want to yet.
What should I do? | Casual sex with someone I'm not that into, or wait for the girl I am into at the expense of my sanity. |
t3_42re5u | relationships | Wife (26f) blew up at me (28m) for playing games the way I like to | Wife and I love games, we both play board games together. The other day, though, as we were finishing a certain game involving trains this happens. I had been behind the whole game, and she screwed me over early (admittedly unintentionally) by laying a train where I was going to connect my whole line. It was very contingent on that. So, at the very end, my wife takes some new route cards (they give you extra points for completing them), and I knew I was about to initiate the end. So, I tell her "you know if you don't finish those routes, you'll have those points taken off, right?" She agreed, so I played my next move, which was to lay enough pieces so the end was initiated.
So say she was mad was an understatement. She kind of let out this aborted yell and muttered "You bastard!" And then she proceeded to reprimand me for playing strategically. It's true, we normally have a system of letting the other person know if we are going to end the game so they can complete any routes. But I had been losing, and I thought my warning had been enough.
I know this seems minor, but she completely blew up at me and was angry. I find it to be completely bitchy. She did feel bad and apologize about it almost immediately after she got upset, but still... I think I should also add we play games very differently- I'm much more strategically minded, I count pieces and keep track of whatever the other player is doing. She focuses on what she's doing, ignores other players, and won't play actively against another player, and will even sometimes help them. I think her way of playing games is silly, and not the point of games. | wife blew up at me for playing games the way I like to play them. I think it's unfair. |
t3_2n8pjc | tifu | TIFU by not putting my phone on silent in church. | So today me and my crush went to church together. Great, sounds like fun. Halfway through the service though, my phone (on full volume to the point where EVERYONE heard it) starts ringing. Normally, this would be a turn it off and keep going as nothing happened. But my ringtone begged to differ. The night before me and some friends were hanging out watching funny stuff on YouTube. One of my friends shows me this video which was funny in my opinion so i made it my ringtone. I think you can put this together now but its safe to say my crush is judging me and my church would like me to leave. | phone played the main verse of a song not appropriate for church; crush disappointed. |
t3_ij5l9 | AskReddit | These people won't stop calling me. What should I do? | I've been getting phone calls for the last two days continuously from what seems to be a call-center in India. I'll answer the phone, and then it will start ringing on the other end. When the other person picks up, it is a person speaking very poor English and having an Indian accent (not always the same person, though). They ask for someone named "John" who submitted a request for a loan from "Liberty Cash Loan". I try to explain to them that there is no one named John at this number and ask them to please remove the number from their system, but usually they just hang up in the middle of my explanation.
I figured that they would eventually stop calling if I didn't answer, but they haven't yet (plus it's a different number on the caller ID each time). They called about 8 or 9 times yesterday, and 4 so far today. I submitted a complaint on [donotcall.gov] but I'm not sure that will matter since a) they're in India, and b) they're calling because (supposedly) someone submitted a loan request with my phone number. I also called the local police and FBI offices and asked if there was anything else I should do (neither had any advice). I was thinking of calling my phone provider next, but I'm not sure if they can really do anything.
Has anyone had this or a similar situation happen to them? Is there anything I can do to resolve this? Thanks in advance. | A call-center in India won't stop calling me. How do I stop them? |
t3_239x7u | relationships | I [F18] am going to friend's [F21] birthday get together and found out that my ex [21M] is going to be there. | So, I had cut of contact with the guy after I realized that we weren't going anywhere. He lives in Austin, I live in San Antonio, so all I did was unfriend him, unfollow him and yadda yadda. He still follows me on twitter and instagram and once in a while he'll favorite my posts or reply to something, but I don't talk to him. Before I cut off contact, he told me he'd like to be friends, I told him I was unsure, and then I just straight up stopped talking to him. I'm not sure how to handle it if I see him at my friend's birthday party. I don't want to skip out on the party because she's a close friend. I mentioned I wasn't speaking to him, but I didn't want to burden her with my drama. | Guy I was smitten with but stopped talking to because we had an unhealthy relationship (and who is still friendly towards me) is going to same party as me. I don't want to skip out on party because she's close to me. Not sure how I should deal with seeing him. |
t3_13ylnf | relationship_advice | [20M] Need help "manning up" | Ever since I've been interested in girls I've always been terrible at initiating conversation, ya know, breaking the ice. Once conversations have started I'm totally fine. I think all of this stems from my massive fear of rejection. I see a cute girl and suddenly going up and talking to her (maybe asking for a number) becomes a huge task. Mentally I totally prepare myself ("Next time I'll definitely talk to her!") but when I see her again I panic and don't. I've been told by friends to "just man up," so my question is do you guys think that's the best option and, if so, is there any way other than just getting over it and stammering out an awkward hello? | Should I just man up? If so how? |
t3_oi7u0 | AskReddit | There's a bird pecking holes in the house, please help. | So we have this bird, it's a White-breasted Nuthatch, and it's pecking holes in the overhang on the roof of our house. I live in a brick house, but there's wood at the top. Where he/she is pecking holes is right on the outside edge, right below where the shingles overhang. I've already had a leak in the roof close to this area before (for other reasons) and I'm worried water is going to end up getting back in there and rot the wood out. I also don't want holes for other creatures, or bugs to get in the attic. If it were one hole, I wouldn't worry that much, but this thing has made over 4 so far and I don't want him turning this house into Swiss cheese. I've already patched 3 holes with caulking about a week ago and I thought that might stop it, but I noticed that it's back again today in a new location. I don't think it's after bugs, but it's storing seeds in there. I've got millions of pine trees around my house, so why it's decided to peck holes in my house instead of a tree, I don't know. Fucking troll bird! Anyway, are there any ideas on how to get this bird to stop without killing it? I'm afraid that might be my only choice. | A bird is pecking holes in the overhang to my roof. Please let me know how to stop it without killing it. |
t3_3hbfpk | relationships | I [25 M] asked the girl I've been dating [22 F] for four months and she said no to relationship. | I've known this girl for years and we've been friends. We started going out on dates when I picked up on the fact that she liked me. Things went fairly slowly. She suffers from some (diagnosed) mental conditions that make her anxious (though she never uses them as an excuse).
Aside from a brief stint where we didn't hang out for three weeks (and she re-initiated), we've been steady since then. On four months of our first date, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She asked if she could use the answer, "Not yet," and she's anxious about upcoming school obligations and the pressure her family would place on her if they found out (I've met them as her "friend." They apparently thinks he should be married by now).
She dated someone through high school that she said she needed to learn from and still feels she hasn't, but that she still likes me.
We've talked about exclusivity and have been for about two months.
Do I have anything to worry about? She's pretty affectionate when it's just us and makes time to hang out/talks to me every day, but this just runs counter to every girl I've ever known. Then again, the reason I like her is because she's unique. | Is her not wanting an official relationship yet a sign I should back off or not? |
t3_48qm2t | weddingplanning | Ready to drop our wedding plans | I see posts like this all the time, and I generally try to take them with a grain of salt, but I hit a point tonight when I thought it would be some much easier/better to just have a small wedding in FMIL's backyard.
CONTEXT: FH works for one of the largest accounting firms in the world (this is important because they tend to work him like a dog. Not just bragging, but I am so proud of him!) in a different city than I live in and that our wedding is being held. It's approximately an hour and a half away. Currently, during busy season, he is working 80 hous/week and I am typically only able to see him on Sundays since he is able to work from home then.
THE SITUATION: We booked a DJ almost two months ago and wanted to sit down and hash out some of the details for our wedding. First, he called me back at 10:00 at night. Who does that? Secondly, he wants to set up a meeting, but we both have to be there and he is not able to meet on weekends. I'm fully capable of deciding things myself so that we'll both be happy and enjoy the night. Even after I told him that it would be nearly impossible to get FH down for a meeting he suggested Skyping him in because there's "no way he'll have to work from 7:30-8:30 in the evening". I don't know how I could spell this out for this guy any more clearly.
I'm just starting to think this whole thing is too expensive and way too much stress, and I would be better off having 30 people instead of 300! | DJ wants both FH and I at our meeting. FH works 80 hours/week and can't make it. I'm thinking I just want a small wedding instead, too late to change everything? |
t3_3hvehs | tifu | TIFU By Turning Up To Work On The Wrong Day | So to clarify I'm 18 and this is my first proper job (I've done stuff like babysitting and mowing people's lawns but I don't count that).
I work behind the bar at my local pub and at the end of the week a time sheet of all the shifts for the following week gets put up, on Sunday I had a quick look at it and saw that I was only down for work on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
So skip to earlier today where I went into work, and walked right behind the bar. I slightly confused because there was already two people behind the bar, so I checked the sheet to make sure I was meant to be there. Turns out I had looked at the wrong name and I wasn't supposed to be there but I was meant to be there earlier this week on Tuesday. As soon as I realised my mistake I walked right out the door and went home. The boss was there but he didn't notice me.
Ive got work tomorrow and I have no idea whether anyone noticed my absence on Tuesday. Hopefully they didn't because I like my job and I really don't want to lose it. | I accidentally missed a day of work and have no idea if my boss noticed. |
t3_2bh903 | relationships | My BF's brother [34] kissed me [24] and I don't know how to respond... Do I tell my BF [25]? | My BF ("A") lives with his brother ("B"), and I'm over at their house frequently. My BF stepped out to do some grocery shopping while I was taking a nap. I woke up and was hanging around in the living room watching tv and B came and sat down next to me. We get along pretty well. I've been dating my BF for about 8 months and I've gotten to know his family pretty well.
Anyway, I turned my head to look at something and when I turned back, B just fucking went ahead and kissed me! Like...what? I was so confused I just sat there for at least 20 seconds with him trying to probe my mouth before I snapped out of it. I was like "what the hell are you doing, what is your fucking problem" blah blah and he simply said that he really liked me and he's sorry A met me before him. I had tears in my eyes I was so upset and I just ended up storming out of the house and going back home.
Meanwhile A starts calling me wondering where I am, I just told him that my sister called to tell me my dog is throwing up and having diarrhea so I needed to tend to him. He said ok and came over a bit later because he wanted to help with my dog, and I couldn't bring myself to explain what really happened. I dont know what to tell him. He really admires his brother and they get along well. I just dont know and I definitely can't be in that house anymore. Help | My BF's brother kissed me, now it's weird, I told him off and now I'm not sure where to go from here. |
t3_xf3wy | self | Hope this is the right place for this, but college bound redditors: remember, you can party harder in four years than you can in a semester. | I just graduated college and just wanted to let you guys know that being on your own is awesome! But you have to manage your time, make sure school comes first. Even if you dont want to have a 4.0, you still need to at least have a good enough GPA to stay in school. After you get the work done that you feel is necessary...party your ass off, play video games, go dick around, take up a new hobby, join a club, meet as many people as you can, squeeze every drop of fun out of it as you can...because when you graduate, look for a job, and try to be a real person it sucks.
Just have a great time, but make sure you have the ability to get things done to make sure you can still have fun.
Also, try to network, intern, and schmooze professors. I was told all I needed was to get a good GPA and everything would fall into place. Not so much, make sure you talk to as many people as possible and try to get as many experiences and connections as possible. | Have a blast in college, just make sure you can stay in school. Also, try to get some connections and experiences in relevant fields. |
t3_4wj1ja | relationships | My wife [29F] of 4 years, is taking a break from me [30M] with the new guy... | About two months ago, we moved to a new state for a job. She was supportive of the move and had been wanting to leave for a long time.
Two days ago, she told me she has feelings for one of her friends from 'back home' and that she doesn't know if she can 'forget him'. She left that night to return to our home state, to stay with another friend and 'figure stuff out'. The friend she's staying with 'happens' to be very close to *him*.
I'm just in shock, this isn't her personality at all (seriously) and I don't know what to do. It seems pretty clear she's made up her mind, even if she doesn't realize it... | Wife left and says she needs time with the other guy, to chose between me and him... |
t3_357ybo | relationships | I [26F] am at a loss on how to bring up sensitive weight subject with my mom [62F] | My mom got bariatric surgery several years ago and has lost a ton of weight. However, in the past couple years she's began to gain it back. She snacks constantly, started smoking again, and drinks a lot of wine. When she got married last year, she even had to buy a bigger dress after a few months.
We both got FitBits to motivate each other, and I got her a healthy snack subscription, but every time I see she's gained more weight. I see her every few months and it's noticeable each time.
When I was growing up she was always very concerned about both her and my weight and I know she felt bad about it. She's very sensitive about people attacking her so I'm at a loss at how to approach the subject. | After getting bariatric sugery, my mom is gaining all her weight back. She's a very sensitive person, so how can I bring it up without upsetting her? |
t3_1tesnn | relationships | I [18 M] am beginning to think i have a man crush on my best friend [M] | I have a close friend that i really look up to and get along with. Recently I've been looking at him and thinking things like "he's good looking" etc, stuff that i dont think about my other male friends. I am heterosexual. how can I stop this? Although he has no knowledge of these feelings I feel uncomfortable now, especially because we hug/fight/sleep in the same bed etc alot, not in a gay way, purely because we are comfortable in our sexuality (except now im getting concerned with mine).
Any advice would be appreciated. this is really bothering me and I want it to stop. | I am developing an attraction to my long term best friend and want to stop it. |
t3_4tn9h6 | askwomenadvice | What advice do you have for a college student about internships and future jobs? | Hello! Hope this is appropriate to post here?
I'm (19/F) currently in the midst of a summer internship and I have the option to leave next week or stay for a few more weeks, but I'm not sure what to do. I'm not enjoying the internship all that much so I kind of want to leave next week (and just spend the rest of the summer enjoying myself and exploring some hobbies), but then I feel like I don't have that option really and should just stay two/three more weeks to absorb as much information as possible.
Since I'm a college student who still isn't sure about what future job I want, I know the advice is to try out different things to see what you like, but I feel like I don't have the option to be so picky and just need to work hard now - make sense? | anxious college student seeking advice about future jobs and internships |
t3_2c05ii | relationships | I [23F] want to text my ex [23M] but need advice on what to write | My ex and I dated for over five years. It ended in a really messy break up where I told him I hated him and never wanted to talk to him again because of his emotional affair. I got a bf soon after that I have been with for a little over a year.
Over time, the ex and I developed a lot of mutual friends. I was hanging out with one recently who said that ex didn't hate me and I should try to talk to him and he doesn't reach out to me because he's scared I'll say awful things again like when we broke up.
Since that convo, I've been having dreams about my ex and just feel like it's my subconscious telling me I need some closure. I don't want to be friends with ex out of respect for my current bf, I just want to say something along the lines of "I've been thinking about you lately and I just want you to know that I don't hate you anymore" but I want it to sound more eloquent. Any advice for how to word this? Also, the mutual friend is having a bday party in the fall and he might be there so it would be good to say something nice that isn't too nice to make him think that I want a friendship. | BF and I had a messy break up a year and a half ago. I'm finally ready to tell him I don't hate him anymore but I need the right way to phrase it in the text message. |
t3_3h9gto | relationships | Me [21 F]. Not sure if I'm a lesbian or if I'm bi. Definitely attracted to women but the social dynamics of being with a guy weird me out. | A little background on me. I'm a 21 year old woman, currently single, who has dated both men and women. I know I'm attracted to women, and would be happy to be in a relationship with one.
I'm not sure about guys though. In the relationships I have had, I have felt attraction for them, but have had no desire to have penetrative sex with them (I enjoy oral and making out though). It isn't because of any shame about sex either; I wasn't raised in a way that would make me feel ashamed of my sexuality, unlike some religious girls I know.
Mainly, the dynamics of a relationship with a man kind of weird me out. It is pretty socially acceptable (Many people I know even think its cute) to have a guy who is protective and even what I would consider controlling over them.
I am a very independent person and being with a person who tries to cast themselves as my "protector" or something like that really makes me uncomfortable. Especially when that involves telling me they don't want me doing something. And while I know this is not an issue that happens only with men, it seems the social roles people tend to fall into causes this to occur frequently when I date men, and almost never with women.
I'm thinking I might be a lesbian, but I'm not quite sure... It may also be possible that the only issue I have with relationships with men is feeling controlled by the social roles that relationship would put on me. | I'm not sure if I'm bisexual or if I'm a lesbian. I feel uncomfortable with the relative social inequality i have experienced when dating men in the past. |
t3_16revn | self | I feel like a huge failure right about now. | Basically, I'm about to graduate college with a political science degree. I intended to use that to go to law school but I pretty much waited to long to take my LSATs and now have nothing to do. I'm not sure if I want to go to law school even, my GPA is a 3.3 from a city college, which isn't THAT great, at least for me. I'm looking for a job in the business field and am having no luck so far. I'm dead set on continuing my education at some point, possibly law school or business school, but right now it's not something I want to do. My parents pressure at this point isn't helping. They think I'm basically a fuck up because I haven't "accomplished" anything in the four years I went to college and don't have a plan. They also say that my brothers in my fraternity will stop associating with me once they get money if I don't have as much as them since many of them are going for their MDs. I don't think it's true but it's something that scares me since it happened to my parents where their friendships were ended because of money (my parents weren't making as much money as their friends). It also doesn't help that my parents are in a financial hole right now and my father has to resort to driving a cab until he can find something else to do.
I currently work in retail, so it's not like I have no job, but this isn't something I want to keep doing after college. Almost all the people I work with I feel are completely beneath me. Looking at a bunch of them, I can tell that I'm better than this. I really have no idea what to do with my life and this is completely stressing me out. Especially since I just got my first girlfriend. I know that most likely we won't get married, but my whole mindset about money changed. I look at money as a way to support the possible future I may have with this girl, even if we don't get married. | Political Science major has no idea what to do with life, getting shit from parents because of it, current job sucks, having trouble finding new one. |
t3_2tp4nt | relationships | I (20f) have a date with a girl (20f) I've never met or talked to before and don't know whether to message her not on facebook. | Okay so last weekend I was talking to a friend on the phone and I mentioned I thought her roommate's best friend was cute. So my friend goes posting on instagram that I thought the girl was cute and my friend and her roommate are trying to set me and this girl up. Apparently we're all going on a group date together on valentine's day.
So the girl added me on facebook and I liked a couple of her photos and she's liked a couple of my posts from the past few days. My friend's roommate also tagged her in a post on one of my recent photo's that she also liked.
A part of me wants to message her and a part of me doesn't. The thing is I'm not a fan of messaging people online and I honestly want to talk to this girl for the first time in person. Not to mention, there will be some mystery before the date. The date is a while away as well so if I message her then we continue to message we won't have stuff to talk about on the date. On the other hand, I could look like a chump too scared to message a girl if I don't do it or she could interpret it as if I'm not interested or whatever.
So do you think I should do message her or not? If I do message her what should I say? And if there are any other approaches that you think will work better let me know. | Don't know whether I should message a girl I have a semi-blind date with on facebook |
t3_21e6hy | relationships | I [20/M] don't know how to connect with females at an emotional level anymore due to my past actions. | Hey everybody how are you? I'm obviously using a throwaway for the purpose of protecting my identity and expertise a more serious post in hopes i can seek some advice.
Although i am 20, i've had sexual intercourse with 16 different women the past year 1/2 and had absolutely zero relationships.
Never have i wanted a relationship since i made shure my career/goals came first, even if i began to develope a more mutual feeling with a female i just brushed it off and never really spoke to them again after smashing.
When i moved to a different state i didn't know anybody which didn't bother me at all but i was missing sex, so i decided to develope a life style that perfectly suited me. I was working hard, studying hard, and fishing hard. I would cold approach atleast 5 new women every week with subtle success.
Now, i loved that lifestyle and thankfully i feel now i am under control and have my career set as 110% focused.
Except now i realized my decisions in relationships warped my perception of relationships and women in general to the point of since the eginning of the year i haven't been mutually attracted to any girl and only see them as sexual objects per say.
I've had a few requests to go out but just cringe and say no thanks knowing if i didn't have my smashing spree and was still a horny mf i'd say yes in a heartbeat.
Is there anyway to reverse this perception?
And no i don't have any stds
Thanks | Had too much sex / pump and dump |
t3_nv5ug | GetMotivated | Leave yourself open for opportunities! - A Christmas story. | I am your usually internet/video game kind of guy, and I know it is hard not to just go/stay at home and do these things that you know will be enjoyable.
Recently I had an epiphany about life that has changed my outlook. Though I will enjoy my time playing video games and looking at Reddit, it won't give me anything to look back on. No experiences in life that I could tell my children about.
Christmas Eve I decided to take a step in the right direction. With no plans for Christmas morning, instead of going home after work at 11pm, I decided to go out to a club. I asked all my friends if they would come, but nobody would bite. I'm not one to go to clubs on my own, so I considered going home, but as I walked by the club, something told me to man up and make a story.
Before I'd even been to the bar and got a drink, I already had a story to tell, I was in a club, downtown Vancouver, with the Shaw Yule Log playing on the projector screen. An experience I may never have again.
Good start, but now I need to make new friends. Sat at an empty table and found some people to join me. First guys, not so cool. Talk a bit, keep searching. Midnight comes, now it's Christmas morning. Old friends I hadn't seen in years randomly show up! Get a table with them, they leave, I keep the table. Random people round 2: two guys and a cute girl. Great conversation, danced to a Christmas song, talked till the place shut down. She asked for my number.
If I went home from work that day, surely I would have enjoyed my time reading Reddit and playing StarCraft 2. But I wouldn't have any story, let alone a good one, to tell my friends, my eventual children, and of course, you guys ;) | Put yourself out there, you'll thank yourself later! |
t3_1rk9rb | relationships | [20 M] weary of long distance, weary in general. Still love [20 F] more than anything after 2 years, but don't know what to do anymore. | I love this girl more than anything, we've been together since before I was an adult.
Pretty quickly after we got together we were separated by distance and stayed together because we didn't know what else to do. We've weathered through more than two years of long distance, only seeing each other about 5 months out of the year (college schedules).
I love the time that we have together, though admittedly some of the things that have happened as part of being long distance have put a little strain on us (no one has cheated or anything, but there's been some weird insensitivity that hurt both people's feelings).
For a long time I've been overly conscious of my own mortality (weird thing to think about at 20, I know, but I do), and I'm honestly worried that I'm going to miss out on dating people while I'm actually a young and (decently) attractive person. That I might someday look back and wish I had done something different. (There have been a couple of opportunities that I didn't act on because of this relationship). I frequently think that if I had met [20 F] 10 years later in life then everything would work out, and I could even see myself settling down with her (in that situation), but she's the first and only major girlfriend I have— I never got an opportunity to play the dating game.
I love her so much that sometimes I don't know what to do with myself, but I'm constantly stressing out about what the right thing is to do. I don't know who I am without her, but I am stressed on a daily basis about where to go from here. She's also head over heels for me, and has been the greatest girlfriend that a guy could possibly ask for. | Love this girl I've been in a long distance relationship with for 2 years. Freaking out about future/mortality and feel I need to date while I'm young. Freaking out in general. |
t3_eyyzi | AskReddit | I'm the best man, but I hate her. Help with the speech? | I would prefer to not go into a very deep level of detail (he's a redditor).
We've been friends since highschool, but 5 years ago he moved about an hour away. We're both in our early 30's. My personal opinion is that he's marrying the first woman who gave it up (he was having a dry spell of epic proportions (almost a decade!))
My first exposure to her was a camping trip were she began the weekend with incessant complaining then progressed to threatening to leave, and eventually concluded by getting shit-faced and making an ass out of herself.
They broke up, I found out via Facebook. I 'liked' the status update, unfriended and rejoiced because I thought I never see her wretched face again - They get back together, drama ensues.
I really dont even want to be best man, but Im trapped at this point. I just want to get this done and move on - I honestly believe we will no longer be friends after the wedding. Please give some ideas for the speech to help me get through this, Im at a loss. | none |
t3_1o4jwg | AskReddit | Have you ever trained for a profession but then realized you don't like it? | Well I trained to be an engineer and let me tell you I don't like it all that much, thankfully I got a job which is primarily in the office with my family business but as that is in the field of industrial equipment every so often I do have to go to factories and interact with people there and every time I do I just don't like it, the atmosphere, the size of the towns just you know a general feeling of meh Ness,
So I was just wondering, what is it you have trained for but don't like doing as a profession? Are you still stuck in it? | don't like working as an engineer, do you like what you trained for? |
t3_3k0la8 | tifu | TIFU by not realizing my wife was video-chatting with her family. | This is awful and I'm posting right now while I hide in my shame. My wife always Skype's with her family on Sunday's, which she typically does since we've had our baby. She uses my Xbox kinect to do so and moves it down to baby level. Today it was perfectly faced towards my bedroom. I'm usually the day shift, not the night shift(so I forgot about her usual family call). So, I'm casually getting ready for my late night work night, I get out of the shower and open the bedroom door. And boom, my whole family of in-laws are there looking in the direction of my nakedness. I don't have my glasses on, so I don't realize it right away. Needless to say, I hope things arent too awkward next month when I go to visit. | Had no idea my wife was on Skype, walked out naked in front of my in-laws. |
t3_awdeq | AskReddit | Reddit, what's the strangest situation you've been caught in? | I'll start. I was sitting in my room doing homework when my nose started to bleed. I stuffed a tissue up my nostril and continued working. I was wearing a hoodie, and after a few minutes of sitting on the futon the folds of my hood started giving my neck some trouble, so I just put my hood up and kept on trucking. I switched up the tissue lodged in my blood tunnel of a nose and while doing so, noticed that my pocket knife on the ground next to me was dusty. Dust is like my kryptonite, so I drop everything I'm doing, grab a can of dust remover and blast the knife. As I'm clearing the last specks from the blade, my roommate walks in and just bursts out laughing. To this day, he admits he has never seen anything more ridiculous. | My roommate discovered me hooded, with a bloody tissue up my nose blasting a pocket knife with a can of dust remover. |
t3_3y90bx | relationships | I'm the cousin trying to find a "lost" cousin. Anyone have a similar experience? | So background is that I'm the only cousin in my twenties and the others are either in their mid teens or mid thirties. We have a cousin in his mid thirties whom we haven't heard from in a few or more years. I'm the one who brought it up to find him and have been scouring the Internet for clues (we know where he last was and his general location, and I've narrowed down possible contact information to try and reach out to him.) His relationship with his immediate family seem strained so I'm trying to avoid that... Only getting really basic leads from them such as his personal website which doesn't appear useful and hasn't been updated in a long time, it appears.
It's super important to me to reach out to him because as cousins we all were never really close. I like the feeling of having cousins and family, and I miss that especially now when I'm in my twenties.
Has anyone had similar "searching for relatives" experience(s)? What did you do? And what suggestions can you give? | trying to find lost cousin. Suggestions? |
t3_4gsdxc | relationships | I'm [18M] still nervous/overthinking asking for her [18 F] number | I like her a lot, but i'm still having trouble just asking her for her number, i'm worried she'll say no, but i don't know why. I really don't wanna never see her again, but i don't wanna make the last classes awkward since we sit next to each other.
i can talk to her without being nervous but i fear the worst. if i just randomly slip in a "can i have your number?", i fear awkward silence followed by an apathetic "sure". if not i fear feeling awkward.. Worst of all i ask myself why she would even want to talk outside of class. i'm really harsh on myself. I'm never confident when i think about her, but i'm so infatuated with her and i want to tell her that. but of course at the same time i don't want to. and i'd hate myself if i admitted it through text.
Our class isn't something we can study for, there are no tests, no final, it's all take home writing so i can't ask her to study. As a class we all wrote poetry, after rereading my poem i realized it was indirectly about her without me knowing. She doesn't know and it's a huge hint to admit that. i could ask about her poem but i don't want us to just talk about school or work, boring stuff. | i don't know how to transition into asking her for her number. |
t3_3m0o9j | tifu | TIFU by Going to a Strip Club in Mexico | Couldn't find /r/lastyearTIFU, so here I am. I was in Cancun, Mexico and I knew close to no spanish. I did however understand that the strip clubs would have sexy, young, latina dancers that wouldn't mind an 18 y/o American boy gawking at them.
I was told by the only English speaking person at the strip - shack that it was $20 in American dollars for a lap dance. My ears perked up and I laid down $20 and waited for my smoking hot latina to come dance nude on my lap. Afew minutes later, a soft 6 comes over to me with her clothes off and holding a shitty local beer. She offered it to me and I drank that in minutes. She keeps getting more and more intimate every time I say yes after she asks "more beer?"
After 5 beers, (she drank two of them) I decide it's time for the check and to get going. I figure it's $20 for the dance and probably another $20 for all the beers. **NOPE**. I was handed a bill for $120 and realized my fifty dollar bill wouldn't cover it. I made a b-line to the English speaking worker and asked wtf was up with this $120 bill, it was a $20 dance! Turns out *each beer* was $20...I complained and tried negotiating to my $50 that I had. **NOPE AGAIN** I was literally thrown out and cussed out in Spanish by my former dancer. | spent $120 on strippers, couldn't afford it, was thrown out onto the street. |
t3_dysl1 | AskReddit | Grades or Social Life? | Hello Reddit! I am having a bit of a problem here, up until today I have been going to class without my meds (concerta for ADHD), and my grades aren't all that great, though my social life has improved a ten fold, compared to high school when I was taking them regularly. I stopped taking them after I graduated and started working full time for a year. My job required a lot of face time with customers and the meds made me very anti-social.
It ended up being great for my job, so I didn't move my prescription up to Ottawa of when school started. I have been having the time of my life up here, I am social I have a decent group of friends, and I don't even remember the pass to my WoW account. Though my grades have slipped, I am barely passing all my classes (I am a CS: Engineering major), and I know one of them I aced back in high school (I did university tracked courses in high school but am going to a college so a lot of the basics like math and English I have already covered the material).
The way the meds work is that I take one when I wake up before class, and it runs on for 8 - 10 hours depending on what I'm doing (when I am more physically active it wears off faster). Though I become very anti-social, and very introverted. But when I am off them I have the time of my life, so my question boils down to, should I start taking my meds again for my grades, or not take them and have a social life I enjoy.
Is there anyone else on Reddit who has had this type of situation before? What did you do? How did it work out? | Go to the top and read it. |
t3_1j3ol0 | relationships | I (22 m) mentor high school students in English. (TW) One of them (16 m) just confessed to me that he is sexually attracted to children. What do I do? (Not sure if this is the right sub...) | He has not acted on these desires. He doesn't want to. He wants help.
What do I do? Is there anything/one I can refer him to? How should I, as a mentor, approach this? How should I be there for him?
I want to help him stay on the straight and narrow.
I've taught him for seven months on a near daily basis. I am currently doing some traveling, and he told me this over email. He told me that it really tears him up, being attracted to something he knows he can never ever.
I've consulted with a fellow teacher about a ton of hypotheticals (what would I do if a student told me X) and slipped in this situation, so I know what I am required to do in this case. Which is actually not that much. If I become aware of him having any specific intent to commit a crime, then I am obligated to report him to the police. Other than that, the school values the student-teacher relationship, and the trust that comes with that, so I do not have to report him to the school.
If there is a better sub to post this in, I would appreciate being told. | High school student is pedophile, how do I help him stay on straight and narrow? How do I support his efforts? |
t3_10vrat | relationship_advice | New baby blues. | Ok, this is my first post, and I'd like to preface with the fact I know I'm kinda being a dick about the situation. That being said, background: me (27m) wife of 2 years (26f). We met in high school, and were each others first and only real long term relationships. We broke up a few times early on, say early twenties and I fooled around with a few girls but never anything close to serious because we would always get back together. Even when we were apart for a year, a few months in we had a fwb situation that just morphed back into a relationship.
Now to the present, we lived together a few years, got married, and now have a 6 month old. Parenting has definitely changed our relationship, less time as a couple, less sex, etc. I know this is to be expected, but now I'm struggling with feelings of being trapped. I know how selfish it is, and if I wasn't ready to man up I shouldn't have gotten married and had a kid. That's not the responses I'm looking for. My wife is a great woman, and I love our child dearly. It's just the reality of knowing we will never just be husband and wife again is fucking with my head. It was such a huge jump from being free to do whatever I wanted, to the harsh realisation that parenting is a 24/7 obligation. I now look back at my younger years wishing I experienced more. Travel, dating, random hook ups, etc. I'm pretty sure the grass only looks greener, and if I was single now like a lot of my friends I would long for a solid marriage and family.
Not sure if this is as coherent as I think it is. Again, if anyone has any coping mechanisms, not just " you're a selfish idiot." Or " it'll get better eventually" type responses I would appreciate it. | 27 m married with new baby, lack of life experience as a single man/overwhelming parenting duties creating feeling of regret for starting a family. |
t3_1r7044 | relationships | How should I [M30] talk about my SO's [F31] wardrobe after weight gain? | My SO [F31] has gained some weight in the last year (we've been together 4). I still think she's sexy, and that's not just Pavlovian stimulus responding on my part. I really like the way she looks with all her clothes off. I want her to look great when we go out as well, but some of her clothes don't quite fit her anymore.
She knows she's gained some weight, of course, and isn't exactly happy about it, but that's not the issue. Anyone who's seen What Not to Wear knows that wearing clothes that are too small just is really unflattering. I think she would look great wearing a size up. How should I talk to her about this? | How to I tell her to get bigger clothes? |
t3_3d3ntd | relationships | Me [18 M] with my girlfriend [18 F] for around 8 months -- she is very late on her period and is most likely pregnant. Advice on what to do next? | * | girlfriend [18] pregnant. What kind of action should I take to deal with this situation first? Advice? |
t3_24lq9d | relationships | Me [16M] and my girlfriend [16F] of one year aren't really doing too hot right now... | So basically me and my gf have been together for 1 year and we've had our share of issues but for the most part they were resloved easily. But recently its been getting bad. for starters she continually pushes me farther away and is constantly berating me for the smallest things. I do care for her but I can't take all the verbal abuse and plus its hard to be in a relationship woth someone who isnt even willing to give you a kiss goodbye. I just dont know what to do anymore. but thats not all... my best friend. also a 16F is having problems with her boyfriend and naturally we have been.talking to each other about our problems. Me and, lets call her J, used to date freshman year but it was nothing big. But now that we have been talking and spending so much time together im starting to realize I really like her. So basically I have no clue what to do at this point. i want to stay witg my girlfriend but at the same time i want J, but she is still with her boyfriend, but probably not for long. What should i do? | I'm split between my girlfriend and my best friend |
t3_2f1y3h | relationships | I [20M] really like a friend of mine [20F] since February 2013, I'd like to say it to her, but don'know how | I met her for ther first time on 27th December 2012, we were in a pub with some mutual friends. Since the beginning I thought she was an interesting girl, but I did nothing because one of those friends already had a crush on her.
A few days later a friend of hers asked me to go out with them together and I accepted without any doubts, so since that day we started to go out all three together.
In February 2013 I started to like her a lot, and we often frequented eachother from a month, always with this other girl or sometimes with other people. We used to talk a lot, in reality and by chat also, but I never told her that I liked her.
The situation is still the same, I still like (maybe love) her, but I never told her.
The main problem is that currently we still frequent eachother, but it's not like it was before, we are often with a lot of other people and we barely talk and never chat(I don't know why we don't have the same contacts as before).
Another big problem is that she is a really closed person, not in the sense of introverted or shy, but it's really rare to hear her talk about herself or her problems. She also often refuses physical contact.
So I really don't know how to behave in this situation, I'm trying to persuade myself on telling her tomorrow, but I need motivation and advices, thanks.
(Never had experience in this subject, never had a girlfriend or asked someone out) | I like a girl since one year and a half, we barely talk and she often doesn't even consider me, how should I tell her? (Need motivation and advices) |
t3_122g2f | relationships | I [23f] am an atheist. My coworker [45?f] keeps asking me to go to church with her. | Just to preface: I live in the deep South, where being atheist is not accepted very often. When I was in college, it was easier, and also my family doesn't care one way or the other. So I haven't had to deal with this kind of thing before.
I just started a new full time job in a new area (2 hours away from anyone I know) four months ago and have found it difficult to make friends. I'm the youngest person in my office.
One of my coworkers lives fairly close to my new place, and as such has encouraged me to do things in the area. Most of the activities involve exercising; we run together weekly and she also has a support group for women trying to have a healthy lifestyle.
I really like this group and running and hanging out with her; however, she has been asking me to go to church with her since day one, and I haven't been able to tell her that I don't believe in God. Honestly, I really value our new (and seemingly fragile) friendship and I don't want her to ruin that. She just came to my office and told me she could come by my apartment this Sunday and I can just follow her there. Should I go, try it out, and then tell her it's not my thing? Or should I just be honest? If so, what do I say? | My coworker asks me to go to church with her constantly. I'm atheist. What do I do? |
t3_qy6m9 | AskReddit | I might get expelled from college, help? | Last night, my friend calls me to hang out with him over at his dorm. When I come over, he shows me that he turned his suite mate's room (who have recently moved out) into a beer pong room. It is me and four other friends, one of whom who used to live in the room. I myself was not drinking nor playing pong for had to do a radio show in about an hour. The RA bangs on the door literally five minutes after I arrived and my friends spill out most of the beer in time. The RA comes in sees the table and questions us about where the beer is and then writes us up and what he says, although he did take statements from us which mine was "I wasn't drinking and had no part of this."
The problem isn't that I got caught just for this, last semester I got caught for two different situations that have caused me to go on Final Disciplinary Probation and kicked out of housing. This is my last strike and I feel as though I just used it up even though my friends can back up this story. I know how my school's judicial process works, but is there anything I can do to get ready for the worst, or anything that can prepare me to hopefully come out of this still in the college I want to attend? | Got caught in a room where kids were playing beer pong, wasn't playing or drinking, on my last strike what should I do? |
t3_2o7csq | relationships | I [29M] think my gf [27F] of 1.5yrs is pregnant but won't tell me | I've been dating this girl for almost a year now and everything was rosy perfect for the first... ~9months of our relationship. She's smart, beautiful and very caring and I could really see myself with her for the long run, but:
Recently (about 9 months ago) she brought up the interest in having kids. I'm not against having kids but I think I'm far from that. I have a very demanding career which I love (so does she) and I'm not ready for kids yet. Although we are financially capable, I think that now is not the right time for kids. She argues that it would never get easier and wants to have them now while I'm looking at having them in 4-5 years or so.
I know for women having kids that late is not ideal but it's what I want. I've told her that many times and she seems to have accepted it and be ok with it.
Recently (2-3months) I've noticed her gaining weight rather quickly... She's been very stressed with work and has "let herself go" a bit which I don't mind but it seems like all the weight is going to her belly as if she was pregnant. I tried to bring up the subject very very carefully (you can imagine how fun that was...) and she said that no she's not pregnant she's just been eating badly and her weight always goes to her stomach.
The problem is that she also started being nauseaus at the randomest moments and having cramps... I know those are pregnancy indicators... and when I ask her if she would take a prego test she outright refuses and calls me a jerk for being "insensitive to her weight gain".
I don't know what to do... I don't think she's crazy enough to try and pull that trick on me but I'm running out of time... and what if she really is pregnant... wtf do I do???
Help... | I think girlfriend is pregnant, shows many signs but won't take preg test. |
t3_14c6n5 | relationships | BF (21m) feels as though he has lost all his friends but me(21f). How can I help him? | We're in our final year of college. Sort of. I graduated early, but work/live in the area and still spend a good deal of time around campus. I have been part of a tightly-knit friend group since freshman year, and BF came into the group when he started living with a few of them sophomore year. We became unofficially involved last winter, and have been officially dating for 3 months. It's a very close group, some people closer than others.
To make a (very) long story short, BF has trust issues from past relationships. He and I are in a remarkably good place, given those issues and my own... however, it takes him a long time to feel truly close to anyone. Recently, some drama went down in our group that has made him feel as though he cannot be genuinely close (as in, trust implicitly - he's an all or nothing type of guy) to anyone but me. This is making him quite depressed and scared, as well as causing him to cling to previous relationships with people who were notably bad for him simply because he remembers that they *used* to be close and is afraid that he's come out of college with a net loss of solid friendships.
Now, I believe that the relationship that was most severely damaged in said drama can be healed with time, but even so, the fact remains that BF is lacking in people he can really talk to. As in, there's mostly just me. **How can I help him meet new people and encourage him to hang out and interact in the hopes of forming real friendships, as opposed to simply maintaining acquaintances?**
He's pretty damn stubborn and pessimistic right now. Any advice on both how to talk to him about this without making him feel like I'm spouting cliches, as well as similar stories or places to meet people outside of class, would be great. | BF feels like he can't trust anyone but me, and therefore feels lonely/like he has no other real friends. How do I help? |
t3_3l3kwi | relationships | My (22/f) boyfriend (23/m) is a professional athlete. The season has started and already the gossip is going. | Hi Reddit. My man and I have been together for about a year or so and last Spring he got drafted to a major team. Of course I'm happy and excited for him but he's been on the road alot since then and I feel like our relationship is becoming strained and he's becoming distant but he always chalks that up to the stress of wanting to make an impression on his team and the tough schedule he has. I could accept that and he came home alot when he could to spend time with me and his fam and brought beautiful gifts. I couldn't make it to his first game but I made sure to watch it and tell him how proud I was of him and he made sure to tell me how lucky he was to have me.
This morning I went on a forum that often talks about athletes and the "tea" aka the dirt on their personal lives and it mentioned that my man has been talking to groupies and was seen hanging out and leaving the club with a bunch of them along with some of his boys that are on the team.
I'm freaking the fuck out. I sent him a text tell him to call me ASAP. My friends and everyone is telling me that he's an athlete now and that "shit happens" and that what happens on the road should stay on the road. I love him but I don't know what I should believe. Has anyone ever dated a pro before? What am I getting myself into? Is it possible this shit is just lies or should I grill him? | boyfriend got drafted into the big leagues and is now a professional athlete. heard from the gossip blogs and forums that he's been seen with groupie hoes and his friends on the team also get it in with groupies. people are telling me that's what to expect from him now that he's a pro. looking for people that have similar experiences or just advice in general on what to do in this situation. |
t3_12z789 | relationships | Long term, live in BF (23) recently seems disinterested in me (23). I am starting to feel very insecure about relationship. | My BF and I have been dating for about 3.5 years this time around, but we dated when we were in high school, too. We have a great relationship, we laugh a lot, love spending time together, good sex, etc.
Of course, we also know how to really push each other's buttons.
We moved in together in the middle of September, everything was good for a month or so. In the past month (particularly the past 2 weeks), however, he has seemed incredibly disinterested in me. Like, barely no physical contact (only hugs or kisses when he wants to have sex, honestly.), barely wants to talk to me, always says we'll hang out on the weekends when he has more free time, but then something with his friends comes up and we don't see each other on the weekends, either.
My BF had to spend 6 months convincing me to move in with him specifically because I was worried something like this was going to happen. He can be very moody, and every 6 weeks or so he gets in a mood where he just doesn't want to be around me (or anyone, really) for 4 days, or so. It's like his version of PMS. But this has been going on for at least a solid 2 weeks! And I have tried talking to him about it, but I am always clearly upset when I do, so he always just apologizes and the conversation gets dropped. Then it's the same thing the next day.
I am at my wit's end, honestly. I'm starting to get really worried, and feel just incredibly sad about this, and starting to feel very insecure in our relationship. I miss my old BF, and I don't know what to do or say. But I cannot live with this for the next ten months. Any advice, suggestions, anecdotes, anything, would be really helpful to me, even if it's not necessarily positive. What I am really looking for are suggestions of how to deal with this without making him more withdrawn from me. Thanks for reading. | Long term boyfriend "in a mood"- won't talk, no physical contact, no time spent together. Girlfriend feels like her worst nightmare has come true, and is getting sad/insecure, complaining to BF, which is surely not helping the situation. Please help! |
t3_1ils16 | relationships | Has anyone been in a ralatinoship with someone who they honestly, and in a mature way, believed that the person they were with was the one, and eventually ended it? | A bit of back story, me (M22) and my girlfriend (F21) have been dating for almost 5 years and I'm very close to ending the relationship. I've felt this way for months now, but there are details (which I won't go into right now) that have kept us together.
I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I want to focus on my own personal self development, do a bit of maturing, eventually meet other people (not for a while mind you) and come back to a relationship like the one I have years down the line. There are no negative feelings towards her. I just feel like things would be better in the long run for me if we ended it.
Has anyone here felt anything similar to this? Has anyone ended a deep relationship because it was a logical decision, not an emotional one? Anyone been on the other end of a situation like this? | Feel like ending a 5 year relationship, anyone with similar experiences out there? |
t3_2rn5im | relationships | I [19 M] have feelings for two people, both [19 F], and I'm a mess | Hello /r/relationships.
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I'm in my second year of college, but I transferred to a college that is 12 hours from home, instead of the 45 minute distance I was at last year. At the beginning of this past semester, I broke up with my girlfriend of two years (who I had a thing for for several years prior) because I felt like we both needed to focus on ourselves for a bit and we were both very busy with school. Anyways, we've been in contact - sometimes fighting, sometimes not, but she lives 12 hours from me so fights are terrible via text or facebook or phone. Anyways, I definitely will always have feelings for her because she has had a very important and special place in my life. I know that for sure. But now, over the course of the past month or so, I've started getting some (not nearly at the same level as the girl back home) feelings for a friend of mine. We hooked up a few times, etc. and have established that we both kind of like each other.
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Now I'm home, and I saw my ex, and it's hard to not act like I did the last time I saw her (right before I left for school, 4 months ago), and we actually kissed last night. Now, I'm not dating the girl that I have a thing for at school, but we agreed to keep it exclusive when it comes to hooking up. Anyways, it's been really hard over the past few months because I know it's good for me to start doing my own thing, but I have feelings for this girl back home, and now it's even more difficult because of these feelings for the girl at school. I'm at a complete loss and I'm so overwhelmed and I could use any advice you're willing to throw my way.
Thanks for your time. | Dated a girl at home for 2 years, moved 12 hours away, now have feelings for a girl I go to school with, but still for girl at home. HELP! |
t3_2blxv2 | relationships | My [21M] 1 year relationship with my SO [21F] is coming to a close and I'm scared I wont ever find anything as good | We both came into this relationship knowing that it would end fairly soon. We both received amazing job offers and it would be a terrible life choice on either part to not accept. Shes moving to Colorado and I'm moving to Texas.
Our relationship is perfection, Ive had my fair share of relationships before, but none come close to this one. I have everything that I could ever want from a SO, we fulfill each others desires, we never argue, but when we do we can calmly talk our problems out, We always have the most incredible dates regardless of what we do. All the little things she does makes me feel so special. I have never met anyone so similar to me and I love her more than I thought was humanly possible.
She makes me feel truly loved. I would give everything I own just to have a few more nights with her where we can lay in bed together and just talk the night away.
Neither of us like the idea of a long distance relationship but are willing to try. However we both recognize that it might be for the best if we end things now as there is so much potential waiting for the both of us in our new lives.
I love her, I honestly believe that she is perfect for me, and I worry that I wont be lucky enough to find someone as amazing as her again. | Dated an amazing girl for a year, and we are going our separate ways because of job opportunities, and i'm worried that i wont ever find a girl as perfect as her, or be in such a good relationship ever again. |
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