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t3_23adzs | relationship_advice | I'm [30f] what to do about thoughts of my ex from 10 years ago and marrital dissatisfaction. | I'm stuck in my thinking about my ex fiance from college. Husband [27] can be angry and irritable and at times I feel like I don't have much of a say in things. He'll get mad at me stating I'm being overly anxious and cow me into dropping it. He can be an ass sometimes, but there are times he can be incredibly thoughtful and supportive. Depending on what I'm thinking and feeling at the time our relationship is for the most part pretty good and normaly complicated for being married 7 years and having a 2 year old.
We have a few friends who have gotten divorced recently. One of which has been dating a very nice girl for a few months and they are that cutesy lovey stage. Subtle jealousy/regret may have triggered my having a dream about my first ex. While I dismissed that ex pretty quickly I've been thinking about my ex fiance, what happened to him, did he remarry/have kids ect. What would my life have been if it had worked out. He was stationed over seas for a year and then slowly stopped contacting me to the point I found out from his cousin when he returned to the states. It took a few years to get over it to the point I could be open to falling for my husband.
I'm bothered that I cant stop thinking about him this morning. I'm bothered that I'm not "THE Ex" for the guy that is my "THE Ex" (if that makes sense). It bothers me that it triggers old insecurities that I wasnt good enough (pretty enough, fashioniable enough, or something) for that guy. None of this is even relevant to my current life! It's probably an escape fantasy because I'm dissatisfied with husband about not having the second child we had talked about, the emotional power differential, the fact that I make the money and he stays home with daughter rather than start a career(in who knows what) he says he wants, and that I miss that being young happy, hopeful, and inlove feeling we used to have. | Can't stop thinking about emotionally distant ex fiance because I dont feel like I have much say/agency in my marriage. Sad lonely and should talk to husband but I dont know what I need him to understand or how to say it. |
t3_3dtw7d | relationship_advice | Expiration date ruining my relationship | My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) have been dating for a year. Throughout the entire relationship I've felt that he was holding back, restraining himself, and trying to see me as less than I am, putting me down. I believe that this was an attempt to ease the pain of it all ending after high school (we're both going to be college freshmen). He never compliments me, notices little things, seems genuinely happy to be around me. He doesn't tell me about his past, the girls he's been with, the things he's felt, parties he's been to, etc. He also doesn't tell me how he feels now, about things in his life or even about me. I know that some guys aren't emotional but if he does notice anything I do, he's critical and negative. I know I'm attractive and intelligent and good enough; I know that I deserve to be treated better. I've tried to talk about it and ask him why he is this way. He placates me, telling me I'm great and holding my hand but whenever I ask him why he says he loves me, he only tells me that I'm nice and a good person. We've been talking about breaking up, and we've set a date for it so that we don't have to go out emotionally, he's been talking about that date a lot recently and has even been doing things differently because we won't be together for much longer. In essence, I don't feel special to him, I feel that he's been holding back in the relationship so that he doesn't have to hurt or feel that he's lost anything later. Is this a legitimate thought or am I just not good enough to be loved? | My boyfriend and I will be breaking up before college and he's being emotionally distant to ease the loss. |
t3_1pavor | relationships | My[23/F] boyfriend[27/M] just dropped a bomb in our 2 year relationship. | * | my boyfriend is predetermining our relationship and i [23F] am wondering why he says these things. |
t3_2ep575 | relationship_advice | My girlfriend [24/f] exploded on me [25/m] and ended our relationship for seemingly no reason, and I am completely dumbfounded? | A little background: My girlfriend and I dated for 3 1/2 years during college, and broke up when I moved across the country. We didn't speak for about 2 years, when I moved back home and we kind of fell back in love. We've now been dating for about a year.
Anyway, one day she made a facebook post about finding a stranger "sexy." A lot of her friends were rooting her on, telling her to go for it and such. I felt disrespected, even if she was joking, and told her so. I don't think I was harsh about it or anything, but I did say that it was a non-negotiable issue for me and that I felt it was disrespectful.
In turn, she called me on the phone and hysterically cried and attacked me. I couldn't get a word in, and even when I did, she took literally everything I said as a personal attack on her, even if I just asked questions while trying to figure out what was going on. After this went on for a while, I decided it wasn't productive so I hung up. She started texting me, calling me a coward and generally being insulting.
It was her birthday the next day, and she repeatedly told me not to call her because she didn't want to talk to me. Then she unfriended and blocked me on Facebook, and told me that she wasn't coming on a trip that we had been planning for a long time (which was about 2 weeks away at this point).
So at this point, to put it mildly, I am completely flabbergasted. I have no idea what I did. Our relationship was almost perfect up to this point, we had a few skirmishes here and there but she never told me she was having issues with anything between us. | My girlfriend of a year completely exploded on me for no apparent reason. I am confused. |
t3_2gzxiz | relationships | I[18,M] feel like my girlfriend[17,F] is losing interest | We've been dating for a little over 5 months and I just feel like she hasn't been into me as much. Before, I would kiss, hug, and compliment her and she would smile and blush.
We started going to college together about a month and a half ago and we've both been staying at the dorms. We started seeing each other everyday and we do a ton together(eating, studying, etc.). Now if I do any of that, most of the time she usually doesn't even smile, acknowledge/look at me. It feels like I'm bothering her by doing things like hugging or holding her hand. And we have this thing where we ask each other(fairly frequently) how we're doing and what the reason is. And she used to say the reason was me most of the time. But last month or so, she has never said I was the reason once(I know, sounds like a dumb reason).
Maybe I've become such an everyday thing in her life that she doesn't enjoy being around me anymore. I miss how it used to be with her and I don't know what to do. | I feel as if my girlfriend doesn't enjoy being around me as much as she used to. |
t3_37mwh9 | relationships | Me [24 M] Roomates [24M] and [26M]. Am I in the wrong here? Girlfriend over too often? | So I live in a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house. One of my roommates seems to have a problem with my girlfriend staying over for extended periods of time.
Let me break it down.
She is never at the house unless she is with me.
She does not shower at the house.
She does not do laundry at the house.
Her and I do not touch the thermostat (heat only)
We literally spend every second together either in my room or in the basement completely away from my roommates. I am always conscious of being too loud and bothering others ect...
My roommates and I have had numerous heated discussions about it and I can literally never get a response other than "Just because" or "Its the principle of the matter" which does not fly with me.
I would understand if she was in everyone space and using up utilities or taking up parking spaces or just in the way in general.
I am really starting to get irritated with my roommate telling me what I am doing is inherently wrong blah blah blah.
I really do not want to see him as my enemy but I am really having a hard time not feeling like they need to mind their own business. What goes on in my room is my business and as long as I am not bothering them they can just get over it.
One of them made the point that she can be here but just not sleep here... | Girlfriend and I spend alot of time together. We are very courteous of my roommates and she does not impact the bills other than using the restroom. |
t3_3v1fmk | relationships | 23 F, Long distance work friends for 7 months with this 24M. Is it weird to want to send him a Christmas present? | We met at a work conference in May and have been email/instant messaging buddies ever since. I live in Georgia and he lives in Colorado. I mean we talk all day and night and even weekends! I'm talking long penpal-sque letters. We talk daddy issues, life ambitions and trade music and movies. I mean, I know his blood type for Pete's sake. We even send each other pictures and what not. Hell, for thanksgiving he sent me a photo of his mom and sister and every meal he ate. We're fucking friends.
I mean we're both single so no actual wife making it weird. And it's Christmas and I found this awesome beer I just KNOW he'd love. He KNOWS how much I love the holiday season but he's acting all weird about my wanting to get him something.
He says he doesn't want to feel compelled to get me something back and we shouldn't even set up this precident but I don't want a single thing in return! Isn't it normal to go to the store and walk in and see something you just HAVE to buy someone? | Should I buy my work pen pal/friend a Christmas present or drop it? |
t3_49a5h0 | jobs | I'm asking for a raise for the first time ever and I need some advice. | Background: I work at a help desk for a software company. I've had this job for about 6 months. After the first month, they surprised us by forcing a few of us (me being one of them) to take a non-standard, 4 days-a-week 11am-10pm shift. Part of this shift involves grabbing support tickets from the more "difficult" support queue, a role normally accomplished during the day by the next level up from this position. There's about 30 or so people working on the help desk. So, the entry level job (Help Desk I) pays about $5000-$7000 *less* per year than the next level (Help Desk II) job. BUT, with my shift, I'm basically doing half the Help Desk I job and half the Help Desk II job, simply because I'm there alone for much of the day and have to take cases from both of the queues.
I'm not sure why they don't offer an in-between salary for the people who work my shift - according to the research I've done, most companies do offer more pay for this shift as it's seen as less desirable and there's more responsibility involved.
Of the few people who were put on this shift, one has already quit and one is on their way out. I'm doing pretty well and I think my managers recognize that. Because of that, I feel like I have some leverage in terms of asking for a raise. I'm 22, though, and have never done this before. The management here is not exactly understanding (an understatement) and I'm worried that handling this the wrong way will negatively affect my relationships with management.
My current plan is to come prepared with as much data and supporting evidence as I can - my case count compared to people working normal day shifts, the number of Tier 2 cases I take, possibly salary data for "day/swing/night" shifts for similar positions. I'm hoping for a 3-5% raise.
Any advice on how to handle this tactfully? I appreciate the help. | Got forced into a shift that has more work, responsibility than regular day shift but does not pay any more. Coworkers on this shift quit. I've been pretty successful so far. Want to ask for a small raise. |
t3_2ktpne | relationships | I [23 M] told a mutual friend about my sister's [22 F] job interview because friend asked. My sister is now annoyed at me because it is something "in her life that I had no right to talk about". I don't understand. | Hi reddit!
My sister and I have a mutual friend. I recently grabbed dinner with this friend without my sister and she asked how my sister's job search was going because my sister had told her that she was looking for a job. I told her my sister had an interview.
My mutual friend texted my sister later to wish her luck and ask her how it went. Now my sister is annoyed at me for telling our mutual friend that she had an interview in the first place! She tells me that she likes to keep her "private life private."
I'm just baffled by this. I was chatting with a mutual friend and I couldn't answer a question when asked? I was just responding to a question by a mutual friend and my sister would have responded in kind. I thought that my sister would appreciate that our mutual friend had my sister in her thoughts. Apparently not! Maybe our definitions of privacy are different? I honestly have not seen this behavior in any of my other friends and colleagues.
How should I respond to questions about my sister (Answer with "She's doing fine."?)? How can I clear up definitions of privacy with my sister? Is there a deeper issue I should be aware of? Did I go too far? | I'm baffled by my sister's annoyance at me about responding to a question our mutual friend asked about my sister's job search. My sister said it was something "private". Did I go too far when providing an honest answer to our friend? |
t3_50vlg7 | relationships | Help [23M] dealing with socially challenged coworker[30F] | There's a coworker of mine who has been bothering me for a while(about 3 months) now. She has a younger cousin that I also work with and we get along well, no problems there. But this coworker in particular, is socially challenged (not sure with what, exactly) and since we first met she seems to have taken interest in me and persistently (and awkwardly) tries to talk to me during work every chance she gets. I try to be polite as I usually am at work, but it seems like she might be mistaking my politeness for...something else, and won't stop approaching me while I'm trying to do my job.
Most recently she asked me if I was in a relationship with anybody, to which I immediately cut her off stating that I don't talk about such things at work. She very awkwardly apologized for asking and I shrugged her off. It makes me extremely uncomfortable when people act so persistent like this around me, but she doesn't seem to take any hints that I'm not interested in socializing with her. Even if I have headphones in while I'm working, she still constantly tries to talk to me. I have a bad feeling that she will only continue to pester me in the longrun, when I simply want to do my work. But I'm afraid to speak up or do anything because I don't want to seem like a dick, since I have a good working relationship with her cousin and would like to maintain that. How can I get this woman to stop trying to talk to me all the time? | socially challenged coworker won't leave me alone, how do I lowkey get her to leave me be without causing an open fuss about it? |
t3_20vi6s | relationships | I (20 F) discovered that my boyfriend (18 M) has a bad habit. Am I overreacting? | So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 and a half months now. Recently when I was over at his place, he was sleeping. So I decided to go see what kind of porn he was into, to maybe get some ideas for when we have our own fun. Now I know I shouldn't have been snooping, but my intentions were not malicious. What I found surprised me... turns out he's into hentai, and nothing but hentai. There were no sort of fetishes in what I saw either. All it was is just cartoon girls with outrageous body standards that no woman could ever live up to. My self esteem plummeted. I've been completely miserable since I found this out. I've been starting to think that how I look now isn't good enough for him, and probably never will be. Note that I'm slightly overweight, but I have been losing weight recently. Whenever we do have sex, I'm never completely undressed. Whatever part of me is naked is always covered up by a blanket or a dark room. He never tells me how he thinks I look, never gives me compliments of any kind except for the very occasional "you're cute."
I approached him about it, I cried, and he said he would stop. Earlier today I asked him if he had still been looking at it since we talked. He said he hasn't, but the history on his phone proves otherwise.
So I'm a bit unsure of what to do here. My self esteem has never been so low and I've been very depressed over this. Am I overreacting? What should I do? | boyfriend looks at hentai, never seems to be interested in me or tell me how he thinks i look. Sex is always covered up. My self esteem has plummeted. |
t3_1ad2s3 | cats | Neighbor keeps losing his cat. | Her name is Tiggs and she is the cutest cat ever! We live in an apartment complex, and today marks the 5th time she has gotten out of my upstairs neighbors apartment. He leaves a litterbox on their balcony on the third floor, and I think he left her out there one night. That time, I didn't realize she was domestic (no collar) and he ended up calling the number I put up on flyers around the complex.
She's gotten out a few more times over the last several months, but most recently she got out four days ago, and again today. Our complex has 12 apartments per building with two "maintenance shaft" things where all the wiring, plumbing, etc are shared. Each apartment has a utility closet that opens up to this area, which appears to be big enough for a cat!
A few days ago we heard her meowing and were eventually able to get her out. We have a cat ourselves, so we just tried to keep them seperate, not knowing how our would react. I gave the guy a call (had his number from a few months back) and he told me he was out of town about 2.5 hours away. He told me he would be back the next evening. Next evening, he is nowhere to be found. The morning after I walked upstairs and there he was and said sorry.
I had hoped the story would end there, and he'd stop leaving Tiggs in places where she's going to get out, but sadly she got out again today. I can't get in touch with him yet, and I'm tired of having to take care of his cat. What should I do reddit? The first time she got out, some of our neighbors tried to call animal control on her. We had taken her to a clinic and found she had no chip. Assuming she still doesn't. I don't want anything to happen to Tiggs, because I'm not always going to be able to rescue her from my neighbor's lack of responsibility. | Neighbor lacks responsibility for cat. Wat do? |
t3_1y1okt | relationships | I (f21) don't am having second thoughts about My fiance (m21) | We have had a rocky relationship that has gotten better over time. I see how I am good for him but I feel like he would be happier with someone else.I guess seeing him interact with my new roommate shows me that there are girls more compatible with who he is as a person. Girls who like the things he does.they can have conversations and share items and enjoy things that I just don't.I do try to develop an interest in what he likes and enjoy it but I just feel like I am constantly having to compete.should I end it do he can find someone better or stay with him because I love him so much. | I don't think I am the best option for my fiance and I think he can find someone who enjoys the things he does more than me.should I end it or stay because I love him? |
t3_d3qzs | AskReddit | Reddit I scare myself sometimes: I feel like I would have no problems killing someone. | Sometimes when I'm watching a TV show or movie that involves a mob hitman or the like, I feel that I would have no problem killing someone or even multiple people. Which scares me alot.
I'm sure I would feel remorse and guilt but in my mind right now I don't feel like its that big a deal because I can compartmentalize emotions pretty well.
Now let me make a few things clear: I have never killed anyone, I don't want to kill anyone and never had an urge to kill anyone...yet. I am kinda religious and I know it's wrong legally and morally not to kill anyone.
Does anyone else feel this way or do I need to seek professional help? | Basically I don't feel that it's that big a deal to kill someone and it scares me that I feel that way. |
t3_20pn3l | relationship_advice | [25M] Moved for work, blindly moved in with [26F] colleague... | So a few weeks ago, I got a new job in a state where I know no one. The employer reached out to people in the business and set me up with a roommate. The lease goes on for a few more months into the summer.
She is very attractive and has a great personality. Obviously it seems very natural to not pursue this because we live together and if it doesn't work it just makes the living situation a cluster. We have been out in social situations with other colleagues and no apparent sparks fly. When we are around the house I offer to assist with little housekeeping chores, sometimes she accepts sometimes she doesn't.
Overall I'm trying to be a good housemate, show some interest in her, but not overstep any boundaries. I do think about her quite a bit though when she's not home. She has an amazing body that she takes care of very well. | I'm living with a hot female roommate and I have no clue what to do. I'm leaning just admire, but that's going to take a lot of restraint. |
t3_2wkjrs | relationships | Me [24 F] and a recent slow fade - is there a point to dating? | I've dated a lot of men at this point in my life. I've had 4 boyfriends since I was 18, one of which I would consider the only person I ever truly loved.
Recently, I got out of a year long relationship. I started dating again soon after and met, who I thought was, a really cool guy. Honestly, he seemed like the first person I've really connected with since my one serious boyfriend I was in love with.
We went out on dates, he seemed genuinely interested in me, texted me all the time and then after our fourth date - just started to slow fade. This took time, obviously. About a month. He would text me still, say nice things, we'd go on a date and then I would feel weird the next day because he wouldn't seem as interested.
Eventually, he started canceling on me, stopped texting me and then just eventually faded out. What was really hard about this situation, though, was that he really seemed together. Smart, friendly, loved his family, had great friends, was passionate about film and music - everything I am looking for in a partner. Towards the end, he made me feel stupid. I felt like I was being judged and criticized. Obviously, this hurt my feelings and is a reason why I shouldn't want to be with him - but then I started to wonder if he was right.
I have been depressed ever since. I have high standards now for dating - what I'm looking for, what qualities I find attractive, etc. I rarely meet men that I like and this most recent guy has just made me feel like the whole dating in your 20s deal is just bullshit.
I don't know if there is someone out there for me and I don't know if the guys that I like will ever like me back. Is there something wrong with me? Is my personality not attractive enough? I'm a pretty good looking girl and I usually like myself, but this whole situation has made me question everything. I don't know who I am anymore or who would be right for me. | Depressed over recent slow fade relationship, looking for a clarity. |
t3_17thaj | relationships | My [19m] gf [19f] was flirty with her ex-boyfriend last night. | I've [19m] been in a fwb relationship with this girl [19f] for almost a year and a half. We've only been dating for about a month, but we had a really emotional fwb relationship (e.g. she said "I love you" months before we started dating).
So, yesterday I went to her friend's birthday party. My girlfriend warned me her ex would be there, and that he's "crazy". I met him and he was actually pretty cool. She didn't tell him we're dating, because they're still friends and she wanted to "avoid drama".
We all head out to a bar, and as I'm buying a drink, I turn around to see his hand around her waist. At first I just sat back and watched. What I took away was that she was doing nothing to stop his advances (though, from what I saw, they never went further than his hand on her waist). When she saw me looking, she left his side and went to talk to some of her other friends.
I didn't talk to her about it until the morning after, while we were still in bed. She says she was drunk, that she doesn't remember, and that she's sorry (If I had a nickel...). She also admits she still has feelings for her ex, but claims they're not comparable to the ones she has for me (?).
When I got up to leave she was very resistant ("no stay", grabbing my wrist, etc.). I told her she needs to make up her mind as to what she wants and to let me know if she figures it out. Then I left.
Is there any scenario where we stay together and I'm not the biggest chump in the world? I love this girl, but I don't want to put up with shit. | Girlfriend doesn't tell her ex we're dating. We all go to the bar and when I'm not there he puts his arm around her waist. What do? |
t3_2hvwkh | personalfinance | Advice needed (please)! | I have owned my own (UK) restaurant business for almost four years. Until July this year I had a business partner, he has subsequently left & resigned as director although he is still a share holder. We both put equal amounts into the business as directors loans, we have paid ourselves back some of this but we each still have around 20k in the business.
We have always struggled and, to cut a long story short, I have now closed the business due to a downturn in trade and it affecting my personal life. It is currently listed on the market but if I don't sell the landlord will forfeit the lease.
When we started we took out some leases to get the more expensive equipment, we have paid off some of these but they total around 20k. We also have personal guarantees on the lease and we currently owe our landlord roughly 20k as well. All other debt is in the company name, which I will be declaring insolvent in the next few days.
My question is, should I declare bankruptcy and leave him to foot the bill? I have no assets, no house, no car, no dependents, no savings. I literally put everything into the business. My former partner however, who shares the guarantees, has a house, two children & two cars. I have been told that if renege on the guarantees and declare bankruptcy then he will be liable for the entire amount. He has told me that if I declare bankruptcy then we will no longer be friends and he wants nothing more to do with me.
What should I do? I really have no idea. I don't see how I could ever keep up with repayments were I to not declare bankruptcy. My former business partner has already put his house on the market as he is moving out of the area although he insists it is to service the debt. Their combined income is probably around 70k, the house is listed for 300k. | I owe money and don't know whether to declare bankruptcy as this would leave my former business partner to service the entire debt. |
t3_25g73o | relationships | I [26M], just found out my fiancée(7 years) [25F] is/was hiding a "friendship" with a guy from work from me.... | So recently me and my fiancée have both been very busy with work.
I have been working 50 his a week and she started a new job a few months ago, while she is still taking some grad classes.
We have I guess kinda been in a state of not being with each other as much as we would like to be.
Anyways the other day I ended up seeing (yeah maybe I was a little paranoid) that she was texting a number I didn't know. .. A lot.
Like 400+ times last month. (This was total to/from for the month)
And I confronted her about it.
She felt really bad and assured me it wasn't what I thought.
I guess they are just work friends..... I can't be sure because she deleted every msg...
She admits that this guy probably likes her, and that she accepted the attention when she shouldn't have.
But she swears nothing has happened and no real flirting had taken place outside of her just being herself (nice, sarcastic)
I don't know what to do.
I have never for a second questioned whether I love this girl or not, but I'm not sure if I can trust her right now.
Any ideas on the steps we can take moving forward?
I told her to stop deleting text messages... And she said I could put a gps tracker on her phone if I wanted to. .. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to be that paranoid guy. | probably been emotionally cheated on a bit. ... need help moving forward. |
t3_1gf7pa | relationships | Me[22/F] with myBoyfriend[30m] of about 2 months Feeling uncomfortable with an ex-fwb | So We began as friends/hookups about 6 months ago for a good 2-3 months o us hooking up we both tried to pretend there were no feelings and were pretty candid with each other. As a result of this I know wayyy too much about his past haha.
Im not a jealous or even insecure person but I dont like feeling disrespected and I feel a little bit disrespected/ uncomfortable right now and I need some advice on how to approach the situation.
So there was a friend/aquaintance he would hang out with as recent as when we began hooking up (might have been a little overlap but its unclear) that he would on occasion have sex with. That being said she told him she had feelings for him and wanted to date him. He launched into a lecture on how he doesnt want a gf and sees her more as a friend they stop hooking up and the hanging out thins out to where they only really interact every so often.
That was about 4-5 months ago. Fast foward to now. She sends him inappropriate texts like "I miss you" or "I love you" from what i understand those types of texts have stopped. but were going on as recent as a month ago. OK. so now we are committed and bf and gf title.
She calls him to invite him as her date to a wedding a 7 hour drive away (hotel blah blah the whole 9) anyway she also knew he was talking to me as a friend/hookup when their friendship/hookup thing sort of fizzled. She asks "how are things with your friend (me)*?" To which he replies "oh we're good" and asks me if im ok with him going.
Am I insane or should he have mentioned we are DATING now? I feel really shitty knowing there is a girl who has feelings for my bf and seems to b holding out for him without the knowledge that we are serious. What do I do? | Im feeling uncomfortable as a girl pursues my bf and he hasnt told her we are dating HELP |
t3_kcxp3 | relationships | My girlfriend does not understand that sometimes I do not want to talk to anyone | Me & GF: Both 25. 1.5 yr relationship. Everything is mostly fine, but I've been wanting to fix some things that have been bothering me for months. This is one of them.
I am a nerdy introvert; a little shy, introspective, I listen more than I speak, and I try to make my words count. While I do have interests I can go on about, most days I have nothing to say if nothing out of the oardinary happened.
My GF is a social extravert; she loves to talk and share ideas and feelings, and likes to hear input from her thoughts. There always seems to be an interesting anecdote about her day she is willing to share.
We talk pretty much once a day, sometimes a simple call/text to see how our day went, or long, 2-hr marathon conversations. As I am not a big talker, I dislike marathon phone sessions, but I put up with them anyway. Many of our quick calls turn into marathon phone sessions, sometimes with multiple calls (super annoying).
My problem is, some days I just don't want to talk. I'm not against wanting to know how her day was and how she's feeling, but when those quick calls turn into 2 hr phone sessions, I get annoyed. Everytime I try to end the conversation early she thinks I'm either upset with her or mad at the world, and I then deal with the "if its bothering you, you can talk to me" talk. This makes me either stay in marathon conversations annoyed but unable to show it, or just not answering her calls/texts to avoid it altogether.
About 3 days ago I got fed up with doing both and just told her I didn't feel like talking that day. She says ok. The next day, in a regular mood, I call her to see how her day was. She states "Well look whose in a better mood". I tried to explain that its neither the world nor her, but she replies with something like "I just thought you were mad at me". I found it simpler to pretend I was upset as I was now annoyed for being misunderstood, again. | How do I explain to my GF that sometimes I just don't want to talk? |
t3_3b3rys | relationships | Me (22F) with my boyfriend (22M) of two years, celebrity crush looks like an ex | dumb question maybe--my boyfriend has only one celebrity crush that he has EVER mentioned. celebrities are not a big deal, i know it's fantasy and not a problem, but the thing is, the celebrity is a dead ringer for his ex. The Ex. his ~*first luv*~ and everything. there was some weirdness where i thought he was still in love with her at the beginning of our relationship (they broke up about a year before we started dating), but we've been together for a while and he gets hurt whenever i doubt him.
i look nothing like either of these girls and i feel like i'm not his type. don't know if i should be worried or how to get past this.
ETA: it's not really the "type" thing that bothers me most (although i do feel weird about that a bit), it bothers me that they look so similar. i'm worried that this celebrity is a way for him to want his ex "safely" if that makes sense | celebrity crush looks like an ex |
t3_x6h7i | AskReddit | Hi reddit, *sup nods* I was at work, bored and needed something to do; so I started daydreaming. I had the best day at work I've ever had! So what are all your favourite (day)dreams that you have? | So mine:
So there I was in a room with 5 people I have never seen before, yet I instinctively knew I knew them. On the table was a bag off food, and we were in an exotic cooking competition. Me and one other person left the room to scout the other groups leaving the rest to cook, the other groups were good, one entry was a pint of BLUE Guinness with a sea anemone stuffed into the top of the glass, served with a side of fried rice and apple pie. other people tried fish 'n' chips on a stick, I got to taste & critique. After our hour long absence we returned to see how our meal was coming on. When returned the food lay untouched in the centre of the table in it's bag, what ensued was an argument about 'What the fuck happened' I wont get into details but my sub-concious mind was very reasonable and took responsibility of the lack of the work I had done; yet also reprimanding the group that had failed to have any initiative.
It was then time for us to be judged, we hadn't done anything so we did the only logical thing, slam the door, which had somehow turned into a cupboard and so there were now shelves and food in there way as well, as they tried to scramble through I found my self holding a bowl of warm washing up water and promptly threw it on the invaders; and ran.
The rest of the groups filled the corridor and it became so crowded it was more like swimming that running, it was hard work but worth it to escape the judges.
Later on I found my self on a bench opposite a group of emo chicks, with no idea of how I got there; a car pulls up and out steps Olivia Wilde, she motions to for me to so I naturally climb over the roof of the car and get in on the far side, as if it's the thing to do. I immediately regret my decision.
We then go for burgers. | An account of an awesomely epic daydream I had at work, with a level of detail remembered that I would have in reality |
t3_3ponnw | relationships | My [17F] boyfriend [18M] joined the military and I'm contemplating a breakup. Need advice. | To make it as short as possible. Met in highschool, set up by a mutual friend. Dated for a year so far, no major fighting, great sex. Each other's first loves.
We got along great for the year, did everything together. I always knew he wanted to join the Air Force and I by no means wanted to crush his dreams or hold him back, but I always wished he didn't chose this career path. (He comes from a military family who is very supportive). I supported him thru the enlistment process(he is signed 4yrs active duty job is HVAC). however we always argued because I told him I cannot handle the distance and he always was noncholant and said we have to try and he believes in me. Thought I'd give it a try.
Decided to stick around and forced myself thru his basic training, sending him letters and receiving his, had a few phone calls as well. Was very depressed while he was away. Felt lost and and kind of abandoned.
Went to Texas for his graduation from basic. Was on this temporary high of love the whole time. I'm stuck in this constant cycle of extreme happiness and extreme sadness in this relationship. He won't be home until Xmas(tech school for 100 days, he will have 8d of leave for xmas), and he only gets 2 and a half days of leave per month of service after that. I'm the kind of person that needs a lot of physical contact and this distance is doing nothing but causing me immense pain. Don't know how a rrelationship can work seeing each other 30 ish days out of every year.
I love him deeply and I am so, so proud of him for joining. My only reason to end things is distance. I just believe our lives are taking different paths. It's a huge commitment for me being so young. Contemplating breakup for my own good.
Thoughts? | 17F wants to break up with 18m because he joined the Air Force and she can't handle distance/ doesn't want such a big commitment. |
t3_1ukqel | tifu | TIFU by breaking a light fixture with my pants | This morning was my 3 yr anniversary with the SO, and right as we get out of bed he starts singing this little jingle and asks me to guess where It's from. I say Harry Potter, Wizard of Oz, Jurassic Park... It sounded so familiar. Then he says there are two answers and continues to sing it. Well I guess Peter Pan, which was kinda right and he keeps singing it telling me to keep going until he says the other answer is from an immersive Skyrim mod that I never would have guessed. Well in my annoyance I go to shake the wrinkles out of my jeans, flinging them over my head, and I snap the ceiling light, which falls on my head showering down shards of glass and a pant leg that covered most of my face from injury. I have a weird puncture wound on my hand and now the bedroom is unbearably bright. Sorry :( | I threw my pants too high and shattered a ceiling light after hearing [this magical little tune] 100X |
t3_44yhqf | tifu | TIFU by breaking a bowl, cutting myself on said bowl, and getting locked out of my house. | So, to start off, I was stuck at home because of a rather large snowstorm. I was planning to game all day, and eat a lot. I finished a bowl of chips, and being the idiot that I am, I decided to toss it up and down. After five minutes of playing with this bowl, it went flying over my head, smashing the wall and shattering everywhere. I freaked out and called my brother downstairs to assist me. He grabbed a broom, and began his game. He would sweep all of the glass at me, forcing me to dodge it. I didn't move because I had to contribute with cleaning my mess as well. One sweep, he lunges a large piece of glass right into my hand. We both start freaking out as this sharp weapon is impaled in my hand. I have no choice but to remove it, because my life goal is to remove all evidence of breaking the bowl. Upon ripping it out, my hand starts to bleed. Everywhere. My brother ran upstairs to get a towel, some bandages, and some disinfectant to help me, and I'm trying to catch all the blood onto my other hand to hide the evidence. He runs down, and I get cleaned up. We put the glass into the garbage, and move on with our day. Wait. We need to remove the glass from the house. I run outside into the middle of a snowstorm, in pajamas, and I sprint for the bin. It's covered in snow. I sweep it off with my bare arm, removing half of my bandages while doing so. I kick the frozen bin open, and trash the bowl. Of course, I'm bleeding into the snow. I run for the door to get inside. It's locked. I don't know how or why. So now I'm here, stuck outside of my house, and I have to wait two hours for someone to get home and catch me. My brother won't pick up the phone or answer the door. Great. | Broke a glass bowl, and my brother got a piece stuck into my arm. Lots of blood. After cleaning I go outside to trash it in the bin. Get locked out somehow. Brother won't answer, and I'm still outside. My bandages fell off, and there is blood everywhere. I have two hours until someone gets home. Wonderful. |
t3_3zkvqj | relationships | How do I[16/m] talk to this girl[14/m]? | So there's this girl I like, but I haven't talked to her yet. I see her usually twice a week at church and youth group. I hold the door for her whenever I can, and she smiles and says thank you. I'm homeschooled, and rather shy to be honest. I've never really talked to a girl before. But, it's not like she's going to reject me or anything. I just want to get to know her at this point. I'm already making friends with her friends, so that's good.
What are some good things to say/talk about with her after I've introduced myself? Any help is appreciated. | I like this girl, but I haven't met her. What are some good things to say/talk about with her when I do? |
t3_3nf5ps | tifu | TIFU By almost killing myself while sneezing | Ok so I'm just gonna state that I sneeze when I'm cold just like any other human, but one things about my sneezes is I almost throw my entire voice out sneezing. So I essentially yell when I sneeze and I'm pretty sure it causes me throat injuries. So I was driving home after work today and it was raining and as I was speeding up on the highway I felt the urge to sneeze. Now I don't know about you but driving and sneezing is one of the most terrifying things that can be done under normal circumstances. So every time I drive and get this urge I have no idea if it will be a normal sneeze or the inner demon sneeze that comes out to terrify myself and the people around me. So as I was saying I was entering the highway but there was a tight corner like a "oh I have to brake here or else I'll go off the road" corner. So I approached this corner like I usually do but then the demon came out to play. I sneezed almost went off the road entirely and scared the poop outta me. | Sneezed entering the highway. Almost went off. Will dress warmer |
t3_18qwoo | relationships | My [M18] Girlfriend[F25]'s ex [F26] tried to kiss her. previously the ex always said she was just good friends...how do i even respond? | The ex came to me apologizing today, and it came out of nowhere. apparently it happened wednesday and well, my girlfriend said i need to stop arguing and relax it wont happen again, and the ex is reassuring me again saying she has no alterior motives. im too broken down and hurt to put details but do they matter at this point? my gf rejected her advances by the way. oh and my gf wants me to fix things with the ex and be friends again
we have been together for 4 months and she is pregnant with my kids. im not walking away. | girlfriends ex tried to kiss her, is sorry but i dont trust her and everyone wants us to be friends again which idk if i am okay with. |
t3_26qjzl | Advice | Getting the confidence to make a major decision about university | I've always been a pretty confident person in who I was and what I wanted out of life. I am now however at a crossroads with what to do with my life in terms of deciding on going to university.
It has always been assumed by my family that I would study English as "you can do anything with an English degree." However my real passion and dream is to become a photojournalist, not that I couldn't do that after my degree, it's just as I got closer to university (applying for accommodation etc.) I had the feeling my life was going to end and it's something I'm going to regret.
I have now deferred my English places and am planning to take a year long art and photography course as a sort of gap year, however I'm worried that I'm just procrastinating making a proper decision.
How do you know that you're making the right decision? | The thought of undergoing a degree that I'm not sure about is terrifying me, how do you know whether you're making the right decision, and whether that decision is your own or it's not just what's expected of you as the 'sensible' thing to do |
t3_2ue8cs | Pets | Cat of 9 years old randomly peeing around house and never has | My family has always had animals while I was growing up so I am fairly knowledgeable about ailments but I'm not sure if this instance is due to an ailment or some type of anxiety.
Just to give a little back story I have been away from home for a little over a month now due to me having to go to Japan for a month and a half for military reasons. Shortly before I left for the first time to my knowledge my male cat of 9-10 years old pee'ed in my bed and him peeing anywhere besides his pan is a very rare occurrence. He used to be an outdoor cat back home at my moms but for the past 5 years since I've had him he has been indoor. A few days before he pee'ed in the bed my girlfriend let him outside so I'm not sure if that might be a culprit.
Fast forward a month my girlfriend is taking care of my house and animals and my cat has pee'ed in the bed about 6-7 times, pee'ed on the dogs bed, and even pooped on my bed. I am here to get anyone else's input on if they have ever experienced a cat doing this and if they think it is just some type of anxiety since I am gone or if it could be a UTI. My girlfriend does not live with me and no one ever has so I am very much so the main person in his life.
Thanks for any input! | My cat is peeing around the house while im out of town and not sure if it is due to anxiety or UTI. |
t3_1t2xuj | relationships | Me [22 M] with my GF [22 F] 2 years, | Hey guys just looking for some advice on how to stay sane for the moment. Me and my girlfriend of almost 2 years are taking a break right now.
I'm totally in love with her and she makes me really happy. She's going through some changes right now as far as graduating, finding a job, and other things.
Recently she expressed that she has doubts about if we can last because we're very different. I'm very laid back and she's very organized/type A. I've always thought this was a good thing because she helps keep me on track and I help her take things less seriously.
Starting today we're on an indefinite break so that she can figure out what she wants. She made it clear that she loves me and I'm hoping that she just needs some time to sort things out on her own but already it's driving me crazy.
It's one of those things where I'm going back and forth in my head between what conclusion she'll reach. She's also my best friend and between work and school, after making time for her I don't have much to invest in other friends and so it just feels lonely.
I need a distraction or someone to talk to but I don't feel like I could just talk to my friends about it after not seeing many of them for a while. Looking for some advice, thanks. | need advice on what to do in a no man's land of relationship break |
t3_2t96tp | relationships | My [23 F] mother [55 F] disapproves of me getting a male roommate [22 M]. | I have had my own place for a couple years, but I will go back to school in the fall and I'm reducing my hours at work. To save money, I have decided to find a roommate. This will save me an amount of money which, with my budget, will be significant.
The problem is, I have a cat who does not get along with other animals. He tries to fight other cats, would kill smaller animals, and is terrified of dogs. I cannot have him in a household with other animals. But it's hard to find a roommate who wants to live with a cat and doesn't have a cat already.
Well, I found someone who strikes me as a pleasant, non-creepy person, whom my cat likes, who likes my cat, and who doesn't have any pets of his own. He does not have any criminal history. I met him at work.
I told my mom, and she flipped out. This is just how she reacts to things. Over the top emotional, and then later she will be much calmer about things. She said it would be inappropriate and she knew he wasn't a decent guy because he wants a female roommate. Well, I don't think he does specifically want a female roommate, but we are both looking for roommates, and he's the first person I've found who wants to live with a cat but doesn't already have a cat.
She brought up a lot of good points, though, about things we would have to work out, though almost all of them were things I'd have to work out with a female roommate too.
My question is- Is she right? I have turned down other potential male roommates when I knew they were sexually attracted to me or I was sexually attracted to them. But he really strikes me as not trying to get in my pants. I've never had a roommate. I lived with my mom until I could get my own tiny apartment. What are some things I should look out for? And should I take this opportunity or make more of an effort to find a female roommate? | I have a situation which makes it difficult to find a roommate. I found a potential roommate who doesn't creep me out, but he's male. My mother strongly disapproves. Should I try harder to find a female roommate, or should I take this opportunity? |
t3_2yf06i | college | Help on University Decision | I'm a senior in high school this year, and I've been accepted into U of Minnesota, Twin Cities and Marymount California University.
MN is my home state. The U of M gave me a huge amount of financial aid that exceeds the tuition cost, but I hate the MN winter. During the winter I get moderately/severe depression and lose all motivation to do anything. I've experienced it each year of high school and middle school. The other seasons are beautiful, but winter's grueling cold and frostbite kills me.
On the other hand, Marymount California University (MCU) is more costly and is not nearly as prestigious as U of M, but I see this as my opportunity to break out of the MN weather. My family plans to move with me to California if I do choose to attend here. Seasonal Depressions hits us all. But the cost of living in California is also significantly higher and we'll live in lower standards than we are now. If I make this decision, I plan to also transfer to University of California, Irvine, after two years.
so | Should I just stay financially stable and remain potentially depressed or invest in moving out? |
t3_39nc5g | relationships | I [24M] found out today that my gf [22F] has been sending flirty texts to her ex [22M] | Me and my gf (we'll call her Toni) have been dating for about a month now. She had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship with "Carl" and we had kind of had a thing for each other for years so it felt natural to pursue a relationship after a few weeks of her and her ex breaking up.
Everything seemed to be going good. She was awesome around my 3y son and got along great with my family and friends and we have been spending 80% of our time together.
Her ex however has been pretty crazy. He was calling her 20+ times a day, breaking into her house and just generally being a nuisance. Apparently he has a bad drug problem.
Well 2 weeks ago I get a Facebook message from him saying that her and him met up and had sex. I was totally put off by this and completely upset until it was made known that he had messaged all of her immediate family members and wrote them fictitious messages as well. I blew it off as him trying to break me and her up.
Today I look at my phone around lunchtime to see that he has messaged me again but this time it's screen shots of text messages between her and him with her saying how much she misses him and how much she wants to hold him and her sending selfies (not nude). Apparently this went on for 3 days.
I confronted her about it and she fessed up to texting him and "having a moment of weakness" but insists that they did not have sex. At this point I'm speechless because I just did not expect this from her. She's been sweet and honest and nothing but nice to me but I feel like a can't ever trust her again. I'm about 25% sure she's lying about the sex part but I have no proof because it might just be a coincidence. I really would hate to break up the relationship but I just don't know what to do. | Gf sent flirty texts to crazy ex, insists it's a moment of weakness because we rushed into a relationship |
t3_3bt1y3 | relationships | I (29F) always thinking the grass if greener with ex (30M), together 2 years | My ex and I broke up about 6 months ago. We have talked on and off and decided to give it another go briefly. I visited him since he moved out of state six months ago.
After much discussion, we decided that though we have fun and really care about each other, we still don't see a future and it doesn't feel quite right to either of us. Both of us would like to get married/settle down but the gut feeling hasn't been right on either side.
Here is my problem. When the decision time comes, I feel like it's not quite right and that a future together will not work. I feel doubts about our future. I worry about our problems big and small.
After we make this decision, I feel regret and like I've made the wrong decision. I wonder if the doubt I feel is normal and typical. I think about our memories and how we are best friends.
So basically, both ideas seem wrong and which ever I choose I doubt it. I'm wondering if I'll regret letting him go and if I should ignore my doubts. Maybe all people feel doubts when they're thinking about settling down? From what he says, my ex is experiencing the same emotions. | When talking to my ex about getting back together/commitment, the grass is always greener and I doubt by decisions...is this a red flag or normal to doubt? Why can't I seem to let him go if it's so bad? |
t3_2e8ovr | relationships | I [F20] am suffering from confidence issues due to my boyfriend [M20] and my sex life | My boyfriend and I have been together about two years now and have lived together for about a year so at this point it is obvious that I want sex more often than him.
I would like to have sex everyday or so and he would like to have sex every other day or less. I understand this and I try not to pressure him but this difference in sex drives leads to me always initiating sex and being shut down repeatedly. I feel like I am constantly being rejected and I try not to take it personally but I can't help but start to feel unattractive and self conscious. I don't know if it's because I've been told my whole life that guys are always horny or because I have unrealistic expectations coming into my first serious relationship but it is starting to take a toll on my confidence. I am noticing myself getting jealous when he looks at other attractive women. I try my best to hide it but it is obvious because I get quite and sad.
Add to this the fact that he watches porn and masturbates at least once a week. I am not bothered by him doing this, but its starting to feel like he is choosing porn over me. He rejects me multiple times a week yet still finds time to watch porn. It isn't like he can't be with me when he gets horny, we live together. It seems like he deliberately waiting until I leave for work or class to jack off. He could easily wait an hour or two until I get home.
I guess I just need some guidance here because I don't know if this is all in my head. I don't want to get jealous every time I see him talk to a girl or paranoid that he's looking at naked girls on his computer every time I see him on his laptop, but that's what it is like right now and I don't know what to do. I am really self conscious that I'm not good enough and I don't want to be like this anymore, but I don't know what should change. | I want sex more often than my boyfriend which leads to me allows being shut down and consequently me being very self conscious . |
t3_st48j | relationships | Am I overreacting, or was his reaction really not okay? | M/f both 20, dating about 9 months.
Starting at around the age of five my mother has emotionally abused me. She began forcibly swearing at me, almost hitting me many times, actually hitting me twice, calling me a whore (started at 15, but for no reason), worthless, trash, says she hopes I would die, that I worsen her life, why do I hate her being happy, that I am an idiot who will do nothing with my life, etc. These things always really hurt and affected me emotionally as a child, but at the age of 16 I began to block out and not respond to what she would say.
So anyway, that was the backstory. So two days ago I decided to tell my boyfriend.. Not for pity, rather to get it off my chest to somebody I trust. I told him, cried while doing it (I am still rather emotional over the whole ordeal), and his reaction was "so? That's not that bad. Why do you care what she said?" and told me to stop crying and making a big deal out of nothing.
....um. What.
So yeah, now I'm wondering, did I overreact or is he in the wrong? That was not my expected reaction at all, as he did not try to comfort me about it or anything, and I regretted sharing with him afterwards.
So did I overreact? | Shared terrible childhood memories with boyfriend, cried in process, he told me to, basically, get over it. Did I overreact? |
t3_1u0thx | relationships | How appropriate is it to propose with an engagement ring I received as a gift? | * I'm a he; she's a she.
* Ages: 22.
* Relationship: 7 years
* Proposal: Imminent
I've browsed for engagement rings a few times, and I have to admit that I'm not looking forward to spending that kind of money on jewelry — but, if it means something to her, I'm happy to do it.
Out of the blue, her mother cornered me and showed me three rings that she plans to give to her three kids ("You know, in case you ever found one of them useful for something..." *wink wink*). They're all older rings with stones that have some sort of family significance.
My girlfriend is likely the first to get engaged (to me), so I would have my pick. One of them in particular looks very nice, but I've found other rings that match Katie's personality better.
Do I still buy one of my own? How do I handle the whole ring situation? | — I want to be the gentleman I should be and do this proposal thing right. I don't want to be a cheapskate and use a free ring, but I also don't want to turn her mother down and reject a family heirloom. |
t3_4oid9s | relationships | I [M21] need some advice about my ex(?) [F22] | We got together end of January/February and decided to take it slow and see how things go. We had known each other a little from being on the same Uni course but up till then we had revolved in different friendship groups etc. Things were going really well and we had plans to do all sorts of things like meeting her brother etc. and in this time frame I had completely fallen head over heels for her. Then one day in (mid April) she distanced herself from me and when I approached the subject she told me she wanted to try a 'break' for a little while because she felt like she couldn't cope with everything / some of the things she had going on wasn't fair on me. I told her I wasn't keen on the idea but agreed because I wanted to respect her wishes.
To put this into context at the time, she was really worrying about finals (which she has had to subsequently push back), trying to get a place on a PhD course, her ex (of 4yrs) had been involved in a serious life threatening motorcycle accident and her mother, who has now recently passed (2 weeks ago), was suffering with late stage cancer.
The 'break' hit me harder than I care to admit and it definitely had an effect on my own finals preparation / general motivation. My mother even notice something and actually came to uni to seen me.
It's been 2 months give or take since we split and she is still the only thing I can think about. I would love more than anything to try and make it work again with her, but speaking to her friend she is still very upset about her mother (which is completely understandable) and suggested to give her some space until things resemble normality again.
It kills me not being able to comfort her/talk to her, but I don't want to push anything. I am at a loss as to what to do. | Split with gf 2 months ago, who had a couple of things going on. Would love to try and make things work again. No idea what to do. |
t3_2kwypa | relationships | My girlfriend 17[F] of 7 months got invited to a party that I [17M] did not get invited to. She is going with a guy who has tried to hook up with her in the past. | I'm now sitting at home in, admittedly, a slightly pathetic fit of jealousy and/or worry. I like to think that I'm normally capable of dealing with issues with some level of maturity, but I let my adolescent emotions get the better of me this time.
Quick back story: We've been dating for some time now and it's been pretty fantastic. When we first started though, we were doing so completely in secret, due to some constraints with school and her family, but that's not an important part of the story. At a party that I did not attend last year, this guy tried to hook up with her. She refused. The same thing happened with the same guy at a party a few months ago. I should add that they are good friends, but he has liked her for some time. The first time that he pulled something, he didn't know that I was dating her. The second time, he did.
I've expressed to her that I'm not comfortable with what's happened with this guy, and that I think she should more clearly express to him the fact that she is in a relationship. She did so, so I felt better. But now she's going to a party with him, and I can't help but feel like something is going to happen. | My girlfriend of 7 months is going to a party with a guy who has tried to hook up with her in the past, and it's bothering me. |
t3_2ilnog | relationships | Me [25 F] with my husband [30 M] I really think he is having an affair, but says no. | Here is the original post
I went to our counselor for an individual appointment. She pretty much agrees with all of you and that affair or not, he's being disrespectful and lying. He's playing games by not just filing for divorce and sticking around and being a dick. He's not thinking about anyone else but himself and obviously I can't change that.
He's clearly not working a healthy AA program and she also suggested that he may be drinking and didn't think an affair sounded to far fetched... but again, it doesn't matter which lie it is, its still a lie.
Im just going to focus on all my stuff and not invest too much in the remainder of the relationship. I still believe that if both of us would maybe put some effort in and communicate effectively there could be a chance of saving it. But I just have to stay in the mindset that I cant control it. I can just do my part, which is just taking care of myself and not engaging in his bullshit. Maybe he'll realize something and decide we need help, or maybe we will divorce. | update on my 'shit'uation |
t3_2n5ip5 | relationships | Me [17M] with my GF [18F] of 3 months, I have no idea how much to spend on christmas gifts. | This is my first real relationship, and I don't really know what is expected. Some details though, I don't take her out very much at all, because we're both broke and can't get jobs because of our current situations (school and sports).
She brought up the fact that she wanted to set a price limit on gifts, and wouldn't put a number out so I just said ~$300? And she agreed. Now I've been told this is really high, but I feel that it makes a difference that I don't really take her out that much.
So do you guys think this is unreasonable? Thanks in advance for the help:) | Idk how much to spend on gifts |
t3_1dv823 | AskReddit | Do you remember the first person you became friends with other than your family member's? still friends with them? do you even know if they're around anymore? | Like the very first person to leave you with an impression of real friendship.
Mine would have to be when I met this kid on the playground in elementary school circa 1995. He seemed very shy and no one else was talking to him so I decided to share my toys with him, by the time lunch was over that day we were running around chasing each other pretending to be cops and robbers. It was safe to say that we were friends then, his name was Adrian and he ended up being anything but shy, always running around screaming and wanting to make a scene, he was a natural at making people laugh especially me when we would be sitting in class and he would start making subtle fart noises around the teachers, till this day I cant figure out why the hell that was so funny. After elementary I ended up not going to the same middle school as him and eventually we lost all contact going in to our teen years. It dawned on me one day last semester to look him up on facebook to see what he had been up to since our elementary days. My search ended in the most heart aching way possible, I found out he was a senior at UCSC with a little left to graduate and with a big network of friends just like I knew he would have, unfortunately we lost him 2 years ago in a bicycle accident on his way back home from school.
There were already so many things in my mind I wanted to ask him when we met again, like how are careers are going and how much we changed since the playground days... and now I'm just sitting there stunned and quiet.
Please share. hopefully there's actually some nice endings out there somewhere. | I was feeling very nostalgic and thought of the first person I remember calling a friend, upon searching for him online I found out his life had been abruptly ended over two years ago. |
t3_1fvyax | dating_advice | I F(21) am feeling pressured to make a relationship work with M(21). | I feel bad, because this man has been into me for 3 years, and though I've moved away for college, every time I'm back in the summer, he is still dedicated to me.
I am just starting to like him, but as I assumed would happen, he gets too close too quickly. I'm not ready for a committed relationship, especially because he is moving away for good in a few weeks.
However the other night he forced a kiss on me, and I was none too happy, and made him leave. Now his best friend is telling me I was stupid to do so, and that before either one of us leaves I should try to kiss him back.
For one I'm not sure if I'm that attracted to him, and two, I'm sure that if I do so he will try to start some sort of lasting relationship. But on the other hand I feel bad for giving such a blunt rejection the other night, and I do feel like, since we won't see each other again for a long time, what have I got to lose? | Can't decide whether or not to kiss a man whose kiss I rejected earlier before he leaves though I fear he will take the relationship to a level I don't want if I do. |
t3_1pd6fz | relationship_advice | [M/18] It's time to go on a friendzoning spree... Help? | So...
I've never really been in a gf/bf thing. I'm socially active, go to parties etc, have many associates, a few great friends, but haven't been interested in relationship.
There's a couple of girls the same age as me, we've been friends for years from intermediate school, and lately we've been moving in the same circles. The problem is they want a relationship, and I don't. I don't find them very attractive, and don't appreciate their personality *that* much, and one is quite a drama queen, but ONLY to me. I'm basically her councilor.
Is there a way to painlessly lower people into the friendzone? I have no experience whatsoever in doing this, and I'm concerned it might go too far before I can FZ, resulting in more bad feels for all. One recently suggested that we go to the movies with some of our other friends, so not quite a date thing, yet.
I also realized I may have led her on a it: She was telling me about how she lacks confidence to talk to guys, even me... I told her to just go for it, talk to the guys and gain confidence because "everyone has had explosive diarrhea" (yea, I said that) and that nothing bad can happen of it. Aaaand BAM! Her:"We should go to the movies with friends"
It gets worse for them though: I'm interested in another girl, friend to both of them.
Any advce grealy appreciated. Thanks in advance, people. | I need a painless friendzoning apparatus. |
t3_2b55vo | relationships | Fiance & family upset because I [23F] said I don't want to have a wedding. The truth is that I have no one to invite. | I just hung up the phone with my future MIL in tears, which prompted me to write this post. I'll try to avoid a wall of text. At a rough count, my fiance would have 80 definite attendants. He's laden with friends from high school and college that have mostly stayed in the same state, a good number of close graduate school friends who would likely fly out, and a gigantic yet extremely close knit family.
I have my mom, dad, little sister, and maybe two high school friends I can count on to fly out for me. The rest of my high school friends are in different states or countries. In college I was apparently amazing at making acquaintances who "like" all of my social media, but no lasting friends. My two best friends from college fought in senior year; one cut contact with both of us, while the second was terrible at staying in touch after graduating and meeting her boyfriend. Eventually I tired of initiating all contact and let her drop as well. I'm not close to my extended family because they all live in India, and the vast majority would not fly out anyway due to visa/financial constraints.
I already spiraled into depression upon getting engaged and realizing that I had no one to celebrate with, while my fiance was taken out for every weekend for a month. I just can't imagine being confronted with more of the same on the day that's supposed to make me the happiest. Even when we discussed a destination wedding at least half of his 80 were planning to attend. I know I must sound incredibly catty, but I really don't have a problem with my fiance's social life. He's also not the center of my life; we're in fact LDR, I take community college classes for fun, gym every day, and work full time.
My fiance, family, and especially my fiance's family are all disappointed and making no secret of it. I have no idea what to tell them or how to get them to stop talking about it. Honestly I really would have liked a small, immediate family only affair but that's apparently out of the question. Help? | Fiance, fiance's family, and my family are all extremely upset that I refuse to have a wedding. Truth is that despite lots of acquaintances I can't seem to make any lasting friends. |
t3_1x07mj | relationships | Me [29F] with my BF [28M] of 2 years, have a pretty great relationship and I am longing to get married to him. | This post is pretty straight forward. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. We both have our college degrees, have good careers, and are financially independent. We have pretty good communication when it comes to disagreements, and we are still crazy about each other. He knows I want to get married, maybe have kids at some point. And he tells me if things continue like they are currently, we are on the path to get married.
So serious question. How long do I wait? I don't want to bring up the topic too much, but I don't want to never bring it up either. He says talking about it doesn't freak him out, but there is no concrete plans or date. How does one even approach this subject?
Sorry if I'm missing any important details, this is really just the gist of things. And waiting for this huge life event is making me a little bit crazy. | I want to marry this man I'm in love with, but when I talk about it he is vague. How do I learn to be patient or directly approach this thing? |
t3_mu7t6 | relationships | He's sweet, but his apartment's DISGUSTING. | Myself: 18
Him: 22
Time Dating: 4 Months
He's sweet. A very nice guy. I've posted about him before, and how he's just TOO nice, but that's not the point this time. Things just seem to keep piling up...
I try to avoid going to his place as much as possible. It's absolutely filthy, and filled with roaches and other creepy crawlies. His room is clean (as clean as it can get) but the rest of the house is absolutely vile. It's not his fault; he's germophobic and does the best he can, but his family doesn't keep up the rest of the place.
I've stayed the night twice. The first time I was bitten by bed bugs, and he ended up stripping everything down, cleaning it out, spraying, scrubbing, and putting bedcovers on. The second time, I went to the bathroom late at night and turned on the light only to wait a solid, skeevy minute while the bugs skittered out of sight. I told him then and there I wanted to leave, and we stayed up talking because he said he was "done". We decided not to break up, but he wanted to because I work, so does he, and he doesn't want to be a burden when he comes over after work because he has to wait till eleven to be picked up. I'm not sure how much longer this can last, but he's just met my dad and he's invited for Christmas. | His apartment is gross so I don't want to stay there, and we don't see each other often outside of my visiting. He was already kind of grinding my gears, and now this has put a strain on things. I'm almost at the point where I want to break it off. But he's nice, and he's been invited to Christmas at my dad's. I don't want to dump him, not really, but should I? Or is there some way I can bang out the kinks to make this last longer? What should I do about seeing him, if I want to avoid his residence? |
t3_1aj57h | relationship_advice | Getting back together... Can the spark come back? | Sorry for the throwaway, too many redditor friends. I am [27/m] and my girlfriend [24/f] broke up with me at the beginning of this year because of some emotional issues she was having. We had been dating for 5 months when this happened and it broke my heart. 3 weeks later, we met up to chat about things and decided we wanted to continue to be friends. We have been hanging out/going on dates once a week for the past month and a half or so. She really wants to be in a romantic relationship with me again and is very much in love with me. I, on the other hand, don't know what I want. She is so loving and genuine and caring, but the infatuation I felt before the breakup just isn't there for me any more which is truly frustrating for me. I enjoy time spent with her, but when we arent together, she just isn't really on my mind. On paper, I know she is an amazing person to be with, but I can't explain why those feelings arent there for me any more. Everyone thinks I am crazy for not jumping on this opportunity to be with her because of how great she is. Do these feelings ever come back? Does anyone else have experience getting back together with an ex? | Don't feel the same spark after getting back together with an ex. Does it ever come back? |
t3_zj698 | AskReddit | Should I be upset with a friend who applied for the same job as me | My family is going through some tough financial times and is struggling to afford my schooling; I've been looking high and low for a job to have during the school year. I was talking to a friend and told him about the one job that I was qualified enough to apply for. A couple of months go by and I get a call asking me for an interview. Coincidentally (or so I thought) that same day my friend asks if I've gotten the job. Anyway, a couple of days later he tells me that he already had an interview with the job I applied for. He tells me that he called so that he could give me some advice on the interview questions. I feel that was just a copout to cover up for a shitty act since I would eventually find out if he had gotten the job because I'm renting out a house with him. I was really upset but acted like I didn't care because I felt that I was overreacting. I don't know if what I am feeling is actual betrayal or bitterness considering he doesn't even need the job (he comes from a very well off family who gives him a monthly allowance and more if he just asks). | wealthy friend/roommate knowingly applies for job that i need. |
t3_3ckkdt | relationships | I [22F] am in love with my best friend/ex [22 M] and he's not. I need help | John and I met 5 years ago, we've been friends since then. A couple of years ago we started to date. Our relationship lasted a year and a half and we were deeply in love but my depression was too severe and we decided it was better to be friends (we were fighting a lot). He helped me overcome depression and we discuss a lot of times to be back but he made clear that he doesn't feel in love with me and don't want to be a couple. We hook up eventually when I feel like it (I have a very high libido) and our friendship is stronger than ever.
But lately I felt jealous when he talks about talking with other girls or that he wants a relationship. I know that he doesn't want a relationship with me, we have a hard time being a couple the last months. Then I realized that I'm love with him again. I don't want to feel like this, but I don't want to end our friendship (I hardly have friends and he is the only one that cares for me). He is the only person that get along with me; even with bumps and stuff he is still here. So distancing ourselves is not an option.
I need advice because when he start dating again it will destroy me. I don't want to feel this way. He is my best friend and I care a lot for him. | In love and don't want to. What to do? |
t3_45xanu | relationships | My [23f] boyfriend [20m] ignored my Valentine's Day effort and I'm very upset | I'm probably just being overly emotional, but I was upset all night and can't seem to get over it. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. We see each other a few times a week but he lives 45 min away and doesn't drive (he's getting his license), so I'm driving almost 2 hours to see him.
Anyway. We both had to work yesterday (him until noon) and I was supposed to pick him up when I got off at 6 and cook him dinner and just have a special night at my place. I cooked while he was on his tablet. He didn't eat much and gestured toward the bedroom. I cleaned up and followed him in, but when I got there he was asleep. I tried to wake him up, but he was out. It's not like I wanted sex. I just wanted to spend my first Valentine's Day dating someone actually with them. I cried all night and he slept the whole drive when I dropped him at work this morning.
I haven't talked to him. I don't really know what to say. I tried so hard to give us a nice night and I ended up feeling so lonely. I'm not sure if my feelings are valid or if I'm just overreacting. | my boyfriend fell asleep during a Valentine's Day I tried really hard not and now I feel like it was all a waste. |
t3_3aoqzm | relationships | Me [22/F] Concerned after a few bad dates | This might be early, since it only concerns two dates with two women, but I'm looking for what went wrong so I don't make it three.
I went out with someone I'd been chatting with online for a while. She asked me out and we met in the city. It seemed to be going ok, we were chatting about the usual stuff and while there wasn't heaps of chemistry there didn't seem to be any major issues.
Then maybe an hour into it, she claimed there was a family problem (I won't elaborate in case she sees this) and had to go. She seemed genuine and offered to walk me back. Later she sent a short message apologizing for having to cut it short, and I said it's no big deal and we could reschedule if she wanted. That was the last I'd heard so I figured it was a lack of chemistry or something.
Until the next night, when I went out with someone else (apparently all my dating ability is in getting the first one. I've had some luck beyond it but not much). That lasted maybe 20 minutes before she went off to the bathroom, only to get a call soon after and had to leave. At least she messaged me later saying there was no chemistry and she didn't want to reschedule.
I'm just worried if I come off as boring or even creepy. My friends didn't know. Mostly they were super nice and comforting, but I need to know what, if anything, was wrong with me that got that reaction. I've never really had issues with social cues or anything and I didn't come on too strong, maybe too reserved or something.
It feels horrible that there could be something repelling me like this (and that no-one I know will tell me what it is. I'm big on honesty and my friends know they won't hurt my feelings if they're giving me some harsh truth).
Not to mention I'm apparently the sort of person they needed to get away from asap. Can't believe I've made someone feel that way. | Is it common to be rejected mid-date? Or is it like I've thought, and only done when things are going really badly or the person is awful? |
t3_3awcr3 | tifu | TIFU by writing a letter to a pen pal | This happened in high school but I thought it was very appropriate to share here.
In Year 10, we had a new Japanese teacher and he was keen and excited to introduce new projects. One of them was to write letters to our sister school in Japan in Japanese, and then our pen pal could reply in English, as a way to practice. I was a bit of mischief maker and wanted to include a little joke in my letter (I obviously wasn't thinking too clearly at the time). I wrote in Japanese "My current hobbies are building websites, if you wouldn't mind, please check out my newest website!" and then inserted a link to goatse.cx.
Little did I know, that all the letters get checked first by the Japanese teacher. So he was in the staff room and tried to view 'my website' out of curiosity. Unfortunately the website was blocked, so then the Japanese teacher asked the principal to view it on her computer because her computer had all-access. I guess you guys can work out the rest.
After the incident, I was forced to see the school counsellor twice a week for 4 weeks in which I had to convince him I didn't make the website. Luckily back then, people weren't as technologically savvy so I managed to convince the counsellor that my website was hacked.
That Japanese teacher became one of my closest mentors and I still meet up with him for drinks 15 years out of high school. We talked about this incident recently and he said he was never allowed to do the pen pal project ever again after that. I felt terrible :( | Tried to be funny, Goatse'd my teacher and principal, had to spend 4 weeks convincing school counsellor I didn't own goatse.cx |
t3_qicjr | AskReddit | Reddit, what's something you've done for someone else that effected you negatively and them positively? | I'll start. I was working for a man named Daniel for some private contracting business. No taxes, that whole scenario. Well, he had a guy named Richard working for him, great guy, wife and 2 kids. Well he had been working for Daniel for nearly a year, I, only around 3 months. Daniel's company is out of Canada, we're in the USA just an f.y.i. My uncle is Daniel's boss so I hear things nobody else would. I heard Richard was going to be fired not due to poor performance but more or less Daniel has used him to his full potential, has gotten any ideas that may benefit his company so he's going to just can him. I give Richard a heads up and say, "I heard from my uncle that your job is nearly gone, just a friendly heads up bud, look around," and explain to him why I knew this etc. Well, turns out I was supposed to get his 15 dollar an hour no tax job once he was fired. Am I mad? Not even a little. In the end, I got fired, he still has the job but is still looking for a new one. | I unintentionally gave up my job for another's family. |
t3_2r2y6b | tifu | TIFU by pissing off a crazy activist | This happened to me last week.
I'm a writer that investigates and covers local issues in my area. Occasionally I write about people who get involved in local issues. I can be critical at times -- and as the old saying goes, "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."
Here's some additional and relevant context. I've verbally sparred with a local activist who has a reputation for pulling some controversial public stunts, such as trespassing on property of local officials to deliver faux legal documents, showing up randomly at homes of his personal critics and posting critic's social security numbers on legal paperwork. I've come out publicly to criticize his methods. In return, he created a Facebook group designed to "block me" from Facebook. The group accused me of being a "liar" and a "stalker" without any evidence. So when I say he's crazy, I mean he's seriously *cray-cray*. I've called him out on it, so he decided to escalate the matter.
Last Friday (Dec. 26), I was at work and received several phone calls from people I knew and they all went like this: "Hey /u/AOchs, someone sent around a disturbing note about you throughout the community." I listened to about 25-30 minutes worth of new voicemails during my lunch break. I thought, "What's going on?"
When I got home, I asked people to take a photo or scan the note. Turns out it was a postcard that was sent to registered voters in my hometown. The activist took a personal photo from my Facebook, called me a "liar" and a "reprobate" and recommended to people that they call the mayor and the city council to learn more about my evil ways. I knew the activist had sent out the postcard because he literally copied and pasted from the Facebook group's mission statement that he created. He also has a reputation for sending out attack mailers.
The other side of the postcard was completely blank except for the receiver's address and a stamp.
So 6,000 residents are looking at me like "WTF?" at work. | Argued with a nutjob activist. Activist ups the ante by sending a ridiculously vile postcard to thousands of residents because why not? More than 6,000 people now know that I suck at taking selfies. |
t3_1s6301 | relationships | Me [22M] with my girlfriend [19F] of 2 months, I feel like she isn't reciprocating/becoming distant maybe | I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 months. We moved pretty quickly and we see each other everyday since we go to the same college. We have great chemistry and we seem to be doing fine, but some things seem to be bugging me lately.
We would always send goodnight texts, but as of late its just me sending them. She doesnt respond to mine, but when she sends me one, I always will respond to hers.
Second, when we eat together she will eventually go on her phone and look at facebook, twitter, instagram which I mean isnt a big deal but i would like to be more engaged with her if possible.
Last, she says she would be done studying at a certain time, say 5:30, but it turns out she calls me back at 7:30. I am aware that studies come first but she doesnt tell me that she is running late anymore or studying overtime.
Am i being too clingy/needy? or is she not reciprocating enough? What should I do? | Girlfriend not reciprocating/being as affectionate, advice on what I should do would be greatly appreciated? |
t3_33xc7h | tifu | TIFU by cleaning tables | So I'm cleaning tables at work with a spray bottle that contains alcoholic cleaner. During my route I get stopped by a lady and she begins to ask me a pretty long question. During the question I decide to be courteous and cross my hands over in front of me. As my right hand approaches my left the spray bottle is angled perfectly at her face and my hand taps it ever so slightly that, mid sentence, she receives a spray right to her eyes. She recoils and grabs her eye in pain as I apologise profusely.
She was super cool about it and I did solve her problem so that makes it better but afterwards I went out the back and lost my shit in laughter. I'm going to hell | fucked someone's eyes up trying to be a courteous mofo |
t3_lom3o | relationships | Ex is sleeping over this weekend. Should I inform my new conquest about it? Should I inform my ex I am seeing someone? | I (24f) have been dating a guy (30) I met on a dating site for about two months now, almost every weekend. So we've seen each-other maybe 5 or 6 times. We do not really have a status and I don't have a feeling where this is going - I'm open for whatever happens and it's great.
Now, my ex-bf, with whom I have been together for 3,5 years and was a childhood friend prior to that wants to visit me next week (he lives in another state). I don't know his intentions, but it could be one of the following:
1. just wants to see me, because we haven't seen each other since the break up 1,5 years ago.
2. wants to win me back
3. wants to settle with another woman and wants to be sure that we definitely don't have a shot together.
How should I handle this?
Should I tell the guy I am dating that my ex is coming to visit?
If I do, he might interpret it as me trying to make him jealous, being too committed too soon or he might worry or not care (equally bad) for something he has no influence upon.
If I don't, I have the impression that I am dishonest towards him and that I underline that I and my life are "none of his business".
The other question is, should I tell my ex that I am dating somebody? We have kept in touch after the breakup mostly per phone and mail, and we talk a lot (twice a month for an hour or so), however never about partners. I have seen my new guy 5 or 6 times and I don't really have a relationship with him. Also, informing my ex pre-emptively out of the blue might be awkward since he hasn't said anything about his dating life either.
To spice things up: my ex is the person I care for and respect the most in this world, however we make one-another unhappy because we have incompatible personalities. | read the title |
t3_51h78t | relationships | Me [16 M] with my girlfriend [16 F] i want to break up but she already told me she loves me and i don't want to hurt her. | I'll probably sound like the biggest douchebag ever.
I have been dating (Lin) for a year now and she is a very nice girl and is beautiful. it's just i don't really feel much for her, i did in the beginning but i realized i only liked the idea of a relationship.
I did try to break up with her but everytime i tried i imagined her hurting and crying and couldn't do it. i continued to talk to her and go out i was for sure going to tell her last week but i messed up.
We were watching TV and started making out and it escalated and we did 'it' which felt good. when i saw her at school the next day she gave me the biggest kiss and told me she loved me.
I said it back because i really don't want to hurt her because i care about her but I'm not in love with her. ahat do i do? | i want to break up with my girlfriend but she said sne loves me and i said it back because i don't want to hurt her. what do i do? |
t3_1iuhs1 | relationships | Does anyone else [M/25] still dream about their first "true love" [F/24]? | I went on my first date when I was 17 years old and a junior in high school. At the time, she was a sophomore and 16. I had few expectations going in, but we ended up dating for 2.5 years. We broke up when she we both ended up at different out-of-state universities. It was difficult but amicable.
Since then, I've been in several long-term relationships, and I can confidently say that she was not only my first girlfriend, but also my first "true love". Currently I'm in a great relationship with a wonderful girl that's going on 3+ years. However, from time to time, I still have dreams about the first girl I ever fell in love with. When I wake up, I feel so empty and sad that she's not in my life anymore. Usually it fades after a few hours, but not totally.
It's been almost 8 years since I went on the first date with my first girlfriend. Now, she's married. I'm in a great relationship. Everything is great. But I still dream about her, and I wake up missing her. Is that weird? | 8 years later, I still dream about my first-ever girlfriend and "true love" |
t3_3z8pdq | relationships | Me [19 M] in love with my straight best friend [17 M] of a year. | I've known him for about a year now and I've been crushing on him since we met. When we're together, I'm happy and nothing can change that. Being friends with him and hanging out with him is one of the best feelings in the world. But other times, it's hard.
I get jealous very easily. He's interested in a F[19]. A lot of people think he may be gay/bi, but I've known him for a year and I know him a lot better than most people, and I'm pretty sure he's straight. Whenever I see them together, I get angry and sad and confused.
So I suppose I'm asking what exactly I should do in this situation. I want to be his friend, I love hanging out with him, and I would be fine with being just friends, I just want to lose my feelings for him but it seems impossible. I'm still in the closet and I have a feeling if I told him I was gay, or how I felt, he wouldn't be able to be friends with me anymore, and I obviously don't want that. | In love with best friend who's straight, I'm still in closet, feel if i told him friendship would be damaged. Do I break off friendship? Do I tell him? |
t3_pp16k | AskReddit | If you could change any one thing about society, in hopes of making the world a better place, what would it be? | **Why are we as a people ok with positive change coming at such an alarmingly slow pace?** All over the world, people just the same as you and me, experience poverty, famine, and disease while someone pisses in a solid marble toilet. Someone down the street was just beaten for having skin that isn't quite the same color as the majority of people in his town. Don't we all look back at such atrocities as slavery and genocide and say "what were we thinking?" We all deserve a better place to live and a better society in which to function. It may be my rose colored lenses, but I think that we have only begun to scratch the surface of what we are capable of as a people... so lay it on me. If you could make a serious contribution or change to Earth's society as a whole, what would it be? **(Break down the barriers of the mind, they are why we're in this predicament in the first place) | The world used to be a ridiculous place to live... it still is. How would you like to change it? (Big or Small) |
t3_3cvkcb | tifu | TIFU by assuming I had snot on my lip | The night started like many others. My girlfriend and I were getting cuddly in my way-to-small bed in the pitch dark, started pulling off our clothes and quickly flew past the third baseman. I dug around my bedside drawer for my KY and lathered the two of us up. I went downstairs on her for a very brief period of time, proceeded to roll her over and let the holy doves move too. *Oh yeah baby* While we were going I felt a drip on my upper lip and snorted like most people do to keep the nasal drips from going too far. Immediately I felt a serious burning sensation in my nose like I just did a line. *Wtf* I rubbed my nose really hard a few times and tried to ignore it for the sake of the sex but noticed more snot coming so I rubbed it on the sheet. Then I rubbed it on the pillow. Then I rubbed it on my chest. I need you to realize my animal instincts were stronger than my judgement. It wasn't until I leaned over her head and heard her say "Baby! what is that?!" that I realized I was dripping on her. I hopped up and flicked on the light. Like a scene out of a slasher movie; a bloody smeared handprint on the wall, bloody sheet, bloody pillow and bloody, amazingly hot, naked woman laying face down on the bed. She freaks out and I sprint to the bathroom to get all the blood off my face and return with a washcloth. | Accidentally snort KY. Blood nose ruins bedding and sexy time. |
t3_4a7zs3 | relationships | Me [27/F] with my bf [27/M] together for 9yrs, contemplating a break | Hi, thanks in advance for any advice. Would appreciate thoughts esp from those who have been in long-term r/s.
Brief intro - I'm a girl, 27. Have been together with my bf (27yo) for 10 yrs since school days. I was his 4th gf, he's my first and only serious r/s. Currently no plans to get married.
Problem: In our 5th and 7th year, we were apart for a long period (overseas school and work on separate occasions). During these 2 instances when we were apart (in 2012 and 2014) when we reunited, we felt that we drifted apart, felt that each other did not prioritise the r/s during the time we were apart, and were srsly considering if we should end the r/s. We overcame that in the end.
Fast forward 2016, we were recently speaking to friends who were married. It set him thinking about our r/s. He said he is afraid of marriage, and is also afraid that we will continue to have such thoughts 3 - 5 years down the road. He, however, would like kids someday, and sees himself getting married somehow.
His parents have been asking him about marriage lately, and his younger brother got married 1 year ago. We are very comfortable with one another, and have no arguments all the time. We laugh often, and are at ease with each other. Personally, i think i should have broken it off the first time (in 2012) was it wasn't right. Honestly i do not know what is the problem with us. Could it be that we have been together for too long a period? Would a break be good for both of us? The logical mind in me tells me that I should ask to go on a break now, and reconsider the r/s. This situation has surfaced in our 4th year, 6th year, and now the 8th year of our r/s. I think i cannot have this happening 2 years later when i am reaching my 30s and when our r/s hits the 10th yr mark, or worse, have him run off at the altar before we take our vows? | have two minds about calling a break for a 9-year r/s. Not that first time we are having second thoughts about each other. could be commitment phobia on both ends? Or that we have been with each other for too long a time? appreciate any thoughts and advice. |
t3_3imhl7 | Advice | How much pot is too much? | My boyfriend and I have been having a hard time with this. I can not under any circumstances smoke pot unless I no longer want to be a Fire Fighter which is my dream career. Fire Depts have polygraphs. Pot is illegal in our state. I live with my BF. My BF smokes pot every morning (wakes up at noon or later), middle of the day several times, and before bed every single day. He doesn't keep it out of sight and I see his grinder and bong (etc) every day. His personality seems like it is starting to change. I know that weed is not like alcohol, and that many people can easily manage their usage, but something doesn't feel right. He doesn't think that there is anything wrong with it, so he just ignores my pleas. Can someone give me a fresh perspective? Can someone shed some light on their experience? How much is too much? Or are you able to be responsible and functional with this much consumption? As a professional or a student which still maintaining exceptional performance? I just need to get out of my head and hear from people who know more about this than I think I do.
He is about to start school and has no intention of quitting or slowing down. He's also started investigating mushrooms. I found them today. | BF is smoking a large amount of pot each day, it's straining our relationship and I am worried for his future and for mine, but am not sure if I may be overreacting so please give me some insight. |
t3_21gc8m | relationships | My [20M] gf [20F] still forces me to keep our relationship a secret. | My girlfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half now. Within that year and a half, our relationship has been a secret from everyone on her side (friends [minus a select few], family, and our shared co-workers), while everyone on my side has know our exclusivity since day one.
It started off as just keeping it from her parents, and I understood that until I spent a week with her and them for Easter last year and they said the loved me. It only got worse from there when we started working together and she forced the same constraints as with her family, and then with any friends that she made at school.
I've expressed to her numerous times how I feel about keeping our relationship a secret, especially having to act as if we aren't together with any of the people who don't know. She won't even let me hold her hand in certain public places if there's a potential that we'll run into any of those people.
She's a great girlfriend, but she's only my girlfriend when we're alone. | Girlfriend still keeps our relationship hidden after a year and a half. |
t3_2kyduz | jobs | My boss wants to give me a raise, but I want to quit | My boss called me into her office today to say that she's trying to work with our administrator to get me a raise. I've been at my job for a year now, she says, and I have more responsibilities and am probably being underpaid a bit since I didn't negotiate the initial salary offer (this is my first job our of college; I didn't know what I was doing).
More $$$ is fine and dandy with me, but the catch is that I hate the job. I can't stand my coworkers, including my boss, and the work is neither interesting nor in my intended career field. At the end of the day, it's tolerable and it pays, but I've been trying to devise a way out since week 1. Just this past month I have gotten my act together and am applying for new jobs.
My boss wants to get the paperwork including an annual review going ASAP because of impending budget cuts (I work for a public institution). I'm not sure what to do. Up to now, everyone thinks I like the position (I'm good at faking it; plus everyone is touchy-feely enough that I get asked "so are you liking it here?" every two seconds. It's also very interpersonal job where enthusiasm, faked or otherwise, is pretty essential to success).
I don't feel comfortable taking the raise and going through the paperwork and review process acting like I am happy and intending to stay, then bolting in a couple months if I get a job offer - this would be very unprofessional and underhanded, no? On the other hand, I can't say "thanks but no thanks to the raise, boss. I'm actually planning on quitting soon so don't waste the money on me."
Someone suggested that I just be up front about it, i.e. that I'm not sure if this is the right job for me, but I don't know how to go about that professionally without it sounding like I'm going to run for the door at the first opportunity and therefore harming my relationship with boss.
Advice appreciated!!! | Boss thinks I like my job, and I'm faking it well enough that she wants to give me a raise. I actually hate it here and want to leave ASAP. What's the professional thing to do? |
t3_4e2k7f | loseit | 100 days into 2016 and I have exercised every day. | I got a Fitbit for birthday/christmas which I picked up on 30/12/15. I had just turned 41, and I have arthritis in my spine, pelvis and hands and feet since I was 20. I am guessing on an average day I would have done far less than 600 steps a day. Pain was a constant barrier and an excuse. The goal of 10,000 steps a day seemed impossible. At first I tried to do at least 6000 steps, and soon found that if I timed my pain medication right I was able to do 10,000 steps. So here is my results. Every since day since Jan 1, I have completed at least 30 min of activity, and apart from Jan 1 (spent the day swimming) have done at least 5000 steps. On 74 days I have done 10,000 steps, 10 days I did 15,000 and on 2 days I did 20,000 steps!
While this may not be much to many people, it has been really big for me and made a huge difference. My resting heart rate has gone from 75 to 59, and I have lost 7kg. I have been using MyNetDiary to track my food since November and I lost 5kg before I started Fitbit. I am trying to lose weight slowly this time. i lost 34 kg in 4 months several years ago and over 2 years I put it all back on along with another 10 kg. I still have another 48kg to go, but I am feeling very positive about it. Several times I am struggling at the end to get to the steps in I want and I am basically limping along, my husband begs me to stop, and I say "Just another 400 steps" and then I finish and limp off to the shower.
I always thought that i would have to get outside to get exercise or buy expensive equipment. Most of the time I am exercising in front of my TV and I am dripping with sweat and my heart rate is reaching the peak zone. My family have started to notice the weight loss and I will have had to buy some new clothes! | [100 days into the year and I haven't missed a day of exercise!]( |
t3_hq4wb | AskReddit | Final Accounting Grade | At the end of my Accounting semester my grade ended up being 898.75 out of 1000. Me being a straight A student in high school, I had to ask the teacher if it was at all possible to get that up 2 points in order to get the A in the class and not hurt my GPA any worse since I got a C in Calculus II. She said she couldn't (understandably so), so I left it at that. Today while renewing a scholarship I saw that I needed my GPA to be 0.01 points higher in order to be able to renew it. Are grades once they are posted online and on transcripts final? Can they be changed at all? I really want to beg her for those 2 points since I'm losing $2000 dollars in scholarships. I would even offer to volunteer my time next semester and help her grade papers. | Lost a scholarship due to being 2 points out of 1000 short of an A. Is it possible grades can be changed so I can beg for that boost? |
t3_18mefv | AskReddit | What kind of weird disorders/conditions run in your family? | My dad has what is called Raynaud's (ray-NOHZ) syndrome which causes his extremities (hands, feet, fingers, and toes) to become ice cold and numb in mildly cool temperatures and when under stress. The same thing seems to happen to me and my siblings too. I also have some co-workers (a brother and a sister) who have a condition where their joints don't attach correctly. I don't remember what it is called, but their dad and most of his side of the family have it too. On my mom's side there is rampant OCD and ADD, with a few autistics in there (myself included.) I've been fascinated by genetics for years and was curious about any unusual inherited characteristics that people are willing to share here. | I want to learn about more genetic disorders/conditions. Feel free to share any you know. |
t3_1hz5nq | AskReddit | How did your parents mess with your childhood ignorance? | When I was about 8 or 9, I fell in love with pigs. I thought they were the absolute cutest things in the world. So, in my 9 year-old mind, the best way to show my love for them was to stop eating pork. I stopped eating all bacon and pork chops that my mom made for dinner. Unfortunately, my mom made me ham sandwiches for lunch most days, and since she didn't want to figure out a new lunchtime routine for me, she made sure that no one in my family told me that ham came from pigs. Needless to say, I was quite upset when i found out what ham really was. She also told me recently that my family all laughed about it... | When i was a kid I stopped eating pigs because I thought they were cute. My mom made me eat ham and never told me it came from pigs. |
t3_2eicvt | offmychest | Oh my god, he cares. | Hey guys, my nose is still a bit stuffy from crying my eyes out, but I just had a revelation about my dad. Now, my dad is a guy who grew up in the 60's and was in the military in the Philippines, so he has this stupid idea that, because he's my dad, he automatically deserves my respect. I think he just earned it. See, my brothers and I always thought he was an irrational, insensitive guy because he couldn't see our points of view. We also found his punishments to be a bit immature. "Forgot to fold your blanket? I'm taking your phone. Why didn't you read your bible today? I'm disconnecting the internet."
Sorry if my paragraph structure is weird, but I should also mention that I have a self-esteem problem. Just today we went to a bunch of birthday parties, and as always, there were group photos. My dad was looking at them, and he noticed I wasn't really "in it." He asks me about it, so I'm like, "please understand me this once" and tell him about my self-esteem problem. Of course, he thinks I'm bullshitting, takes both my phone and the internet, and stalks off. One thing leads to another, I call him Hitler, and a massive argument ensues that ends with us going to my mom. She goes into this whole rant (probably not the correct word) about how they love me and that they weren't lying when they told me I'm handsome, which somehow gets me crying. I cry a lot and my dad usually thinks it's bullshit. But not this time. I head back to my room, try to cool myself down, and behold, my phone and the internet are returned. This usually takes a week or so. So I'm sitting here, thinking, for once, he actually understood me and believed I was legit. Thank you for your time. | scroll up and read the damn thing you lazy bastard. |
t3_15yxpr | AskReddit | What feel should I feel? | I've been seeing this girl who is 3 years younger than I for about 6 months (I'm 22 shes 19.) We slept together for about 2 months of that. She would come over every night and we would have great sex. After the second month her ex started messaging her and tried coaxed her back into being with him. Being the idiot that I am I deal with it for a little while. Now after a few months of putting up with that shit we finally have sex on Christmas night and it was great (short lived but great). I don't see her for another week. She plans on coming over last night and stays the night so I assume were gonna fuck. I ask. She says in the morning shes tired. Wake up. Try to fuck. She starts laughing in my face when I start kissing her and she proceeds to pull her pajamas up over her waist. In reaction of her laughing in my face I tell her to drive herself to work she instantly starts crying packs her bags and leaves and texts me saying that I'm a huge fucking asshole. What feels should this provoke from me? | Told a girl I've been seeing for half a year to drive herself to work and she left my house crying and swearing. Help. |
t3_4ll88l | relationships | Does it matter that my [25F] boyfriend of 1 year [26M] doesn't have a job or career (but he has money)? | Boyfriend is from a rich family. His father passed away four years ago and he received a large inheritance as well as his shares in their family business (which his older brother runs now). He has never worked for a day in his life since he always had more than enough money around.
He spends his time learning music, arts, reading books, traveling, cooking, crafting stuff and other things that he likes, but he doesn't have a career in any of those things. It's just all for fun. I met him at a party.
This all seems super strange to me. I've been working since I was 16 and everyone around me has. This lifestyle seems very off to me. It seems like he lacks a purpose although to him his purpose seems to be enjoying life the best way he can.
Is there something wrong? He's not getting a lot of respect from my family because of it although they never tell it to his face but they usually tell it to me. My parents value hard work a lot and that's how me and my siblings have been brought up, and this is not that. I wouldn't go as far as to say that I wouldn't respect him as a person but things certainly feel off.
Is it just us being from different backgrounds and living in different worlds or is there something seriously lacking here? Should it be a big deal that he doesn't have a career and job? | boyfriend inherited a lot of money and doesn't have a job or career. He just lives life as he enjoys it. Is there something wrong with this lifestyle? It feels off to me and without purpose but that might be because I've been brought up to value hard work more than anything. |
t3_28316c | relationships | Me [24 M] with my girlfriend [21F] six months summer over seas trouble | She and I have been dating for six months and haven't been apart much in all that time. When we met, we were both engaged in relationships with other people yet still decided to be together. Soon we both dropped our S.O.s and began dating each other and feel quickly in love.
Flash forward six months to present. The spring was fun. We spent nearly every day together and haven't fought at all, barely even argued. Until summer plans came into effect. The first trip was easy. Ten days overseas even without telephone or text was nothing thanks to Skype and various other Internet communications.
Now the problem is, three weeks after returning to the states from vacation, she is leaving again to pursue a potential career lead in Malta for three weeks. On her way back she is stopping in Rome for four days because the flights are cheaper on that day. Then she will be spending a week with her family in New England. After that she comes back to me for another semester of school.
Most of this doesn't concern me too much other than general jitters about her being by herself in Europe; however, her spending four days in Rome is my concern. While she claims the tickets are cheaper on the day she has booked, when I searched online the prices did not differ to the extent she told me (around $400). And even if she did save 400 on the flight, she will undoubtedly spend that in Rome.
Because of this, it had opened a can of worms in my mind, making me think she is lying to me about other things and what she is really doing in Rome. I have asked her about this and she assures me she is just going to be sight seeing while waiting for her flight which she claims is considerably cheaper than all others that week. But I can't stop thinking if she just wants to be away from me or if there is some kind of red pill arrangement or something, anything going on.
Are my thoughts reasonable or just severe paranoia? Does airfare change so dramatics like that? Any comments or advice is much appreciated. And sorry it's a long post, it's my first. | Mandatory summary/question! |
t3_pr4t8 | AskReddit | My Business Along With 12 Others Were Robbed, Burglars Caught, But Partner Using $ From Stolen Property To Open Local Tattoo Shop. What Can I Do Legally To Stop This? | On January 20th 2012 my business was broken into and robbed. The robbery was found to be part of a string of up to 12 local burglaries. Two of the culprits were arrested and confessed to the burglaries. They claimed they were using the money from the stolen property to finance a new local business they were intending to open. It was to be a tattoo and piercing parlor and they were able to finance all of the construction to run plumbing, electric, flooring and booths as well as neon signs and other miscellaneous tattooing and piercing equipment. Here is my dilemma; A "good friend" and business partner of the culprits, whom the police have not charged as being a coconspirator, is going ahead and opening the business even though the materials inside were (most likely) purchased with money from the stolen goods. There is also reason to believe that there are still stolen articles in the facility. The ones who confessed I already plan to sue, but I want to know If there is anything else I can do? I would like to get all of the businesses affected to file suit together to seize all of the assets of the robber who was the king pin and original owner of the establishment. My goal is to not allow this establishment to open since its profiting off of the misfortunes of at least 12 other businesses, but it would be nice to get my money back. | Got robbed along with a bunch of other businesses, robbers partner still opening a business with $ from stolen goods, and I want justice. |
t3_ljqo4 | AskReddit | Friends with benefits. Can it actually work? And how? | I'm a 22 year old guy, as it stands I've had 2 quite serious relationships, one lasting 2 years, and the other 3 years. These were also the only 2 girls I've slept with, up until last week. I'm currently on the verge of getting into the whole friends with benefits thing, since she's made it pretty clear she doesn't want a relationship. I sort of feel like it's about time I got out there and had some fun and experienced something outside of a relationship, but I'm just worried I'll start dragging feelings into it and start thinking it is a relationship, based on my past.
Basically, how do you separate the sex from the emotions and keep it at purely sex? I've never had a one night stand, and until she came along never been with anyone outside of a relationship. I think she could be good for me and this whole thing is probably what I need but I just need to not fuck it up by getting too into it I guess.
Also does it make it a bad idea that we work together?? | How do you separate the sex from the emotions. |
t3_174wes | relationships | GF stopped contacting me abruptly. Don't want to seem pushy. Help? | I am a 27 year old Male in a relationship with a 23 year old female in Manhattan, NYC. A little backstory without getting into too much detail. My GF and I have been together for about 2 months now. Before this neither of us had been in a relationship for over 3 years. We are really great together. This weekend she put together a trip to the zoo. Bought the tickets. Packed a picnic. It was really great and we spent all weekend together. Tuesday she only responded to my texts, and canceled plans on me at the last minute after inviting me over to her apartment saying she was really tired, didn't feel good, etc.
Today she hasn't said a word to me. Don't get me wrong, I think texting isn't the best form of communication but we do text pretty much everyday and we both are are usually excited to talk to one another. She's mentioned before how she doesn't usually like guys and fends off relationships but we've been really into each other, and I can't find a reason why she would just decide to stop communicating with me.
I'm actually pretty worried as I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with this girl. I can't be all fussy about it because that would make me seem pretty idiotic if it's nothing. If she is having second thoughts, I wouldn't want to drive her further away. The other part of me says maybe she just wants time alone, but the signs are there that she's over the relationship. Any confidence boosters out there? I'm feeling pretty shitty right now, and I don't want to contact her. | My GF hasn't initiated conversation with me all week and I have no clue how to proceed. |
t3_2qzr0l | offmychest | Non-asian women and your opinion on asian men? | I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a while and I'm not sure which subreddit this question would be best suited for, but I'll just post it here.
I live in a predominantly white city and growing up (elementary school), my school was pretty multicultural and I never once thought of race when it came to girls. I got attention from girls of all races and I liked many too. But once high school started, I went to a mostly white school and basically I had no game (girls usually liked me and I'd go from there in elementary school) and I think race played a role cause we didn't have many asian guys, probably less than 5 in my year.
Now as I've gotten older, I've started thinking of race as a big factor and my mentality has changed. I don't even bother approaching girls of other ethnicities now because I don't even see a point. I feel like I'm sort of boxed in with asian females as my only option at this point. Admittedly, I do think my confidence has suffered especially when I see how we're portrayed and reading about how we're the least desired etc.
This could all be in my head, but I feel like it's something I want to address, as most asian men might know what I'm talking about. I know this post could get a lot of backlash, but I just want honest opinions, no beating around the bush. I don't have any issues with asian women so I'd prefer all comments from other races. | Are asian men really that undesirable by non-asian women? |
t3_3a1ez3 | relationships | Me [21M] my future wife [ 21 F] 5 years, weight troubles | I'm in a long term relationship with the girl of my dreams (been together 5 years) and have been living together for about a year, with no major personality conflicts that we haven't worked through. but one thing bothers me..
Her weight.
her weight as it stands is fine, she is 5ft,2" and about 9st,7lbs. she has got a bit of a belly that she herself is self conscious about. Personally I like to keep my weight in check, I exercise when I think I'm getting big and reduce unhealthy intake often.
Sam's problem (partner) is she doesn't exercise and she has been slowly gaining weight since we met, i'm just worried that in future when we have a child she is going to gain the baby weight and never loose it. or just generally continue to get bigger
I've tried the direct approach (forcing her to the gym with me, talking about it)
subtle approach (made jokes about it...)
I love this women and will continue to but intimacy is important and i'm just not that attracted to a women with curves. | how to stop my future wife getting big / help accepting it |
t3_3fh8vx | Advice | Any Redditors ever had to start a college semester last minute or any one who has advice? | Basically at my school they have a program which allows you to transfer to the big university here guaranteed if you have your AA. Great, I was pretty close to finishing my AA so I decided to take a lot of Summer courses so I can attend Fall 2015. Flash forward now, the semesters nearly over.
Problem is, I contacted the university after applying etc. They want me to send them my official transcript saying I have my AA which is after classes end which is this week of August they are doing this because I am taking a lot of credits this Summer apparently.
Classes start August 24th I am looking for some where to live in the area where there should be apartments. But I need financial aid for student housing Perhaps I should give up on an apartment since this semester is so close to starting and just live on campus?
Not to mention I may have to deal with late registration for classes...
Finally, with all this happening so fast this is a lesser problem but I don't even know when I should give my 2 weeks for my current job as I'm not sure on everything (though I dislike my current job anyways).
This is all coming from a guy who's from a smaller town, who has lived at home all his life and went to CC so all this stuff is overwhelming
So please any advice would help I have thought of just skipping fall and attending spring but I really want to go through consistently with my education with no breaks. | Last minute acceptance is overwhelming |
t3_1i98q0 | relationships | My friend[27M] and I[25f] are attracted to each other, but I'm scared that things would somehow get weird and . Advice? | This is actually my first post on reddit ever, but this situation has been on my mind for a while now, and I'm not sure what the best approach is, so I decided to ask you guys for some help.
I [25f] met my friend[27m] at work 4 years ago. We had an instant connection, but I was in an on/off relationship with the same person until a few days ago. My friend was there for it all, and was the one I always sought out to talk to. We've come close to getting together, but when I was at an "off" point in my relationship, he was in one.
We have never acted on anything because of the circumstances. However, now that I'm "available" again, I don't want to have him be a rebound, but I also want to satisfy this... urge...
We're also in this same group of friends who get together like once a week, and I don't want that dynamic to change if things got weird. We also both tend to get attached quickly, and I don't want to be in a serious relationship yet, nor am I sure if I want one. Do I ignore these feelings and be single and just be friends, or do I just go for it and see if more tries to develop? Am I thinking into this way too much? | My friend and I have been mutually atrracted to each other for years, but I don't know if getting together is a good idea. |
t3_1i8hr6 | dogs | I want to raise a blue healer pup but I work swing shifts ... | I really want a Dog in my life and I am decided on the blue healer/australian cattle dog/red healer. But I am about to move to my own place soon and My job makes me change shifts every month.
I know a dog needs special attention and needs to learn and grow as well as people do ..and Blue healers especially need attention and tasks and jobs to do so I am questioning if I should even try to own one.
How do you provide emotional needs for an Animal when your schedule is chaotic? and what if you live in an apartment? What can you do and how do you keep such an animal entertained ....
I have Had 4 German Shepards growing up ... Lots of cats. I have one cat now and I like that they are fairly self sufficient and complacent. But There is something different about a Dog that I need again now that I am going out on my own .. my Dogs mainly failed due to my parents. I had nothing but love for my past dogs ..but they either split with the divorces .... or they encountered unfortunate accidents .. Now its time for me to get MY OWN ..dog .... | I basicly just need a Dog ..but I will be moving some place where there may not be a lot of land and I change shifts a lot so I cannot always provide the animal with attention at the same time of day. Should I even try to own a Dog? or how should I go about it.. |
t3_4tmauy | relationships | My [25M] gf [25F] was drunk and sent nudes to a stranger for cash | So my girlfriend admitted to me this morning that she was drunk last night and sent nudes to a stranger in exchange for cash. There was no in-person meeting — just sending pictures. We've only been together for a few weeks, but she hasn't done anything like this before. She was very forthright about it and I know she genuinely feels horrible about it. She deleted the app she used, apologized profusely and promised it would never happen again.
While I'm not happy about it, I'm not super upset either. I appreciate her honesty about it (I probably would never have known if she hadn't said anything) and I don't really see any reason not to forgive her and move on. If it becomes a habit, of course, then that's another issue, but one mistake like this doesn't seem like reason enough to break up with her, especially since our relationship has been going so well thus far.
I'm just wondering if I'm being a fool for forgiving her. I'm pretty chill and know I can move past this without it lingering, but should I? Is this a red flag that I'm ignoring? | GF sent nudes to a stranger, I'm probably forgiving her. Should I? |
t3_1jg7qt | relationships | I [16/F] am worried about my best friend [14/F] of 3 years because she is harming herself in multiple ways | Okay so, my best friend who has always been there for me and vice versa, had been cutting her thighs really badly and self-harming. Her boyfriend, a therapist, and I helped her through it, and she is over 6 months clean.
However, her and her boyfriend broke up, and since I was on vacation, she became good friends with this girl that wasn't very stable and was not the greatest influence. She convinces her to do various things with her and gets her into dangerous situations, and because of this she's been doing things that are out of character for her, like hooking up with several guys, drinking, taking off her clothes in front of boys, sneaking out, hooking up with upperclassmen, etc...
I'm just scared that when she gets to high school, reality will hit and people will talk about her behind her back. If she finds out that people are using her/gets hurt in general, she will start self harming again. I just don't know how to tell her to stop and that she's acting VERY impulsively and is hanging out with someone who could potentially hurt her. What do I tell her? I really don't want to sound rude when I say it. | My friend is hanging out with bad influences and doing things that are harming her physically and emotionally, and I'm afraid that she might go back to self harming again. What do I say to let her know that she is worrying me? |
t3_2y0xva | running | How do you prevent your phone from fogging up when it is cold? | I live in Michigan and our winters can seem to drag on forever up here. Usually I try to run indoors during the winter, but we just moved to a new town last October and there really aren't any good options for indoor running here. I tried to convince myself that I just don't need to run during the winter and that I can wait until spring, but I decided that was dumb and am trying to start running more.
My issue is that I bring my phone along with me for music and GPS logging of my runs. Because it is so cold here and my body is so warm when I am holding it running it gets super foggy. It hasn't really become an issue yet, it still works just fine after it defogs. I am just afraid that if it keeps happening that eventually having all that condensation inside the phone is going to really mess it up bad and I am going to have to replace it.
Does anyone have any tips for keeping a phone from fogging up? | read the title |
t3_529o67 | relationships | Me [24 F] can't tell if guy [24 M] is just awkward, or not interested | I met a guy online who I really like. He's funny, awkward, polite, and we seem to have a lot in common. His profile said he's looking for a long-term relationship, which is what I'm looking for too.
I asked him out on our first date, because I don't like chatting for too long without meeting someone. I thought we had a really good time, talked forever, and seemed to share a lot of common interests.
He texted right after to say he had a great time and said he hoped to see me again soon. This gave me enough confidence to initiate another date the following week. We had another really fun dinner and I asked if he wanted to come and watch a movie after. He enthusiastically agreed.
During the movie, we sat apart from each other on the same couch. Typically I'm used to the guy moving closer during the movie, but that wasn't happening. So I thought, "Alright, I'll give it a try." I eventually got my hand on his arm, and he still didn't move a muscle.
After the movie, he practically jumped off the couch to go home. We made a few quick jokes and hugged goodbye, but still... I felt really embarrassed about making a move on someone who obviously wasn't interested. Then right before going to sleep, I got a text from him saying he had a great time and inviting me to come over to his place this week so he can make me dinner.
I'm so confused. I'm fine initiating stuff if I know he's interested, but I have no idea if he's actually interested. He's definitely a shy / awkward guy, maybe I moved too fast with the hand thing? | Went on two dates with a shy / awkward guy I really like. I initiated both dates, and invited him over. Tried putting my hand on his arm, he didn't reciprocate. Then he asked me on another date. Confused. |
t3_1e2l1s | relationships | [M 19] looking for way of politely bringing up the idea of getting in shape to girlfriend of one year [F 24] | I've been dating my current girlfriend for a little over a year now, and so far everything has been great except for one thing. My girlfriend, who was already a little bit on the hefty side, has been putting on more weight lately (4'10 160lbs). I really want this relationship to work because we get along so well, and the weight never really bothered me before, but it's getting to the point where the sex isn't really good for me. Due to the fact that almost all of her cardiovascular exercise is sex, she tends to get worn out very quickly and after she has a couple of orgasms I have to finish myself off. Also with the amount of fat down in her pelvis area it's troublesome for her to keep everything neat and tidy down there.
I know that being skinny doesn't mean that you are healthy, so lately I've been doing my best to try and get in shape because, despite my size (5'11 118lbs ±3lbs), I'm starting to get a little bit of flab. I'm looking for some way to politely bring it up to her that she needs to work on losing some weight. My best idea so far is to just tell her to wear a sports bra next time she comes over because we're going for a jog, but this may be a little blunt and could still manage to miss the point. | Great relationship on a personal level, but my girlfriend of one year's extra weight is starting to ruin our sex lives. Looking for advice on bringing up losing weight. |
t3_3gd00b | relationships | Me [22 F] want to break up with my ldr BF [25 M] of two years, not sure how. | I've never broken up with someone, so I am not sure what the best way would be.
Okay, here's the story. We met online in a video game about 2 and a half years ago, and have been dating for 2 years. I live in Sweden he lives in the UK. We've been able to meet up and spend time together about 3-4 times each year.
After this summer I am starting an internship in Australia for one year, and he's going to be busy with getting his own uni degree, so it's likely we won't see eachother for the whole year, and while I love him very much, I am not sure if I love him enough anymore to continue to fight for this long distance relationship because it's really hard not being able to see eachother most of the year, and it would only get harder :/
My plan was to visit him for 10 days in two weeks, before I leave for my internship.
I feel like I have to break up with him before I visit him, and cancel those plans. But I also feel like I owe it to him to break up with him in person, but that would make for a very sad and awkward trip, but atleast I'd be able to explain my reasons in person, and offer comfort or something, I don't know...
I suppose I should also mention that he suffers from depression. He's getting treatment for it though, but I feel like this break-up would be a set back for him in terms of his progression.
I hope you guys can give me some advice! And also, i apologize if my english wasn't that good. | Long-distance relationship about to get even more distance. We are both eachother's first relationship, so neither of us have ever broken up with someone or been broken up with. |
t3_28fb1h | needadvice | My Dream Job is depressing | I recently graduated from a tech school with a degree in mechanical drafting. I excelled in school and was quickly able to find a job with a small engineering business.
I was miserable. The environment (fiberglass dust with no ventilation) was bad and the coworkers bordered on abusive. I decided the long drive and low pay didn't compensate and made myself quit. I went to work at Tractor Supply, as a temporary means of money. I actually fell right in and enjoyed myself. I liked talking to folks and being able to work outside. Hell I even enjoy physical labor. I was offered a lot of opportunities to advance into a "Team Lead" position as they called it.
It was about a month ago that I was made aware of a position at a large company about 45 minutes away. It's another Drafting position, with double the pay of Tractor Supply, insurance and 401k. The environment is good and the coworkers seem nice. The work is challenging and intimidating, but a lot of things in life are. I can deal
That being said, I'm miserable. I feel confined in a small room staring at a computer screen for 10 hours a day. I feel totally disconnected from my family when I'm there. I almost feel the way I did 14 or so years ago when I'd dread elementary school bullies in tears on the ride to school. I cried today actually. I feel so irrational.
At the same time I feel like quitting this new perfect job would be letting my family down, including longtime girlfriend. I don't know what to do. Stay at this new job and hope I perk up? Go back to Tractor Supply and work a retail position I enjoy?
Either way, it makes me feel better to just type this out and submit it. If you read this I appreciate you. | Grown Up" job makes me miserable but family happy. Opposite is true for retail position |
t3_333whj | relationships | I [21F] Told Off Girl who Tried Flirting with my Boyfriend [21M] infront of Me | And I don't know if I did the wrong thing or not, I'm worried that I messed up and he might think I'm super possessive or something. We've been together for just over a month, this girl approached him while we were waiting for our drinks at Starbucks, we weren't holding hands but I'm positive that she knew we were together.
She complimented how he dressed and I stood there awkwardly until she asks if he's be interested in giving her his number, like right in front of me, I was absolutely shocked. I said um no you can't, I'm his girlfriend and grabbed his arm and kinda pulled him away from her, then she was like "oh, okay" in a really rude tone and turned away. I don't think I reacted as bad as it may sound on here. Do you think I messed things up? I felt really disrespected by her and I reacted without really thinking first, I don't want him to think I'm crazy jealous or something. | This girl approached my boyfriend and tried asking his number, I kind of told her off, I feel embarassed now |
t3_1blw3j | Advice | Tired of hearing best friend's guy drama. How do I tell her to shut it? | My best friend has had a lot of guy issues. She liked one for a while, it didn't work out because he was still kind of with his ex, heartbreak, etc., and I was there for her for all of it and helped her through it.
Now, she likes her best guy friend and she always talks about how great of relationship they have. He's still talking to his ex (which she knows), and he's been sleeping with some other people we know (which only I know).
I told her that if she wants to be with him, she needs to tell him and sort that shit out, and speak now or forever hold your peace. Since she's not his girlfriend, she has no claim to him. She keeps talking about him now, and I don't want to hear about how she's trying to get closer to him; if you don't tell a guy you like him, then you have to shut up.
I don't want to be along for the ride on another emotional roller coaster of hers, but I don't want to be a bad friend. How can I tell her to keep me out of this since I already gave her my two cents? | best friend likes a guy but won't tell him how she feels, is whining to me about it and it's pissing me off. How do I tell her to shut up without being a crappy friend? |
t3_1jnqb5 | dating_advice | I [22F] drunk confessed I wanted to sleep with him [24M] how can I recover from this? | We've become really close friends and have talked for hours on end. I can tell he has feelings for me but he's moving away in a month which is why I thought being fwb wouldn't hurt if we are very open with each other. We've already slept with each other but he said he didn't want to ruin what we had but said we would figure out how to go about it.
I confessed to him while drunk (damn tequila) that I wanted him to come over but, it being close to 5am and he had a reunion to go to the next day, he said he really needed to pass out. I asked him if he thought I was too good of a friend and he insisted that we'd talk about it tomorrow. I know, I chose a very wrong time for this conversation...
How do I have my next conversation with him later and have it go as smooth as possible without it turning awkward? | Title is pretty accurate. What should I do? |
t3_2w1lsm | dogs | Need help...buying dog for first time... | Hey everybody! I am ready to add a new family member to the family! I just have a few questions. I am planning to get a Pug puppy, and I have been looking into it a lot lately, everything from training, health, and personality, and it is a dog which I would very much enjoy (let alone I have wanted one for years). The thing is, I have never bought a dog before. My parents bought one dog, and it was at a pet store, I believe. I just have a few questions...Where would be the best place to buy a Pug puppy? Breeder, Mill, Store, etc.? And if I do, what are the common procedures I must do to obtain this puppy? I live about an hour away from the closest breeder, and I don't want to drive back and forth, unless I have to. Any advice for a new time pet buyer? | Buying dog for first time. Buy at Mill, Breeder, or Store? What are common procedures to get the puppy? |
t3_2dsmf9 | relationships | Could a girl(16f) who friendzoned me(16m) start liking me after some time? | There is this girl who I liked whom I confessed to three years ago through text(yes, now I know not to do that) of which she responded with an 'Okay ;x'. I never really knew whether that was friendzoning or not but that's what I thought it was.
Fastforward to the future when I decided to move on and go after another girl. However, around this time she started showing signs that she liked me. For example, she seemed a lot more hyper around me. There was one time when we did that thing in Tarzan when he met Jane and they put their hands together(to compare hand sizes, but we stayed like that for too long for just comparing hand sizes, also nobody compares hand sizes so did she ask because she liked me?) Also, even though we were not being squeezed in a crowd and had a lot of space around, she seems to purposely lean on me to try to see something. Also, there was one time I visited her class and then one of her classmates called her name then pointed at me like he was suggesting something to her about me.
Also, when texting her she would use a lot of caps and laugh a lot.
Then, when I moved on to the girl I'd mentioned(called Coffee to avoid confusion), the girl in question(called Bracelet) and Coffee are actually best friends. So when I heard that Coffee got a boyfriend recently(who is Bracelet's cousin), I wanted to confirm it by asking Bracelet. Ever since then, her replies have less laughs and emotes, and she gives one-word replies more often. Could she be upset that I like Coffee?
So could she like me? | Girl I liked friendzoned me. After a while she seemed to show signs of interest. I'm not sure if they really are though, so could she like me? |
t3_4xncp6 | relationships | Me [17 M] looking for answers about a specific girl's [17 F] interests? | The question I have isn't whether or not I should go after this girl, simply what the heck is she trying to do and what is her plan??
So if you don't know what Strava is, it's kind of a social site for athletes where you can post workouts and people who follow you can view what you do.
A girl on another team recently broke up with her boyfriend and left her phone number on one of my workouts saying that I should consider going to a college that she's going to because their running program is good, and etc... I find this kind of odd and we talked a little bit over text, so far about the college stuff.
My question is... is there something she's trying to start or is she genuinely interested in having me come. She is kind of a more self-centered type of runner so I have a hard time believing that she would care if I went there especially since the only thing she knows about me is what I look like and what workouts I do on a daily basis lol.
Any thoughts? I know it's general and not easy to answer so thanks in advance for any help. | Girl from a different team I haven't talked to before left her phone number and wants me to go to the college she's going to. What is she planning to do? Or am I thinking too much into it? |
t3_1irrqi | relationships | He [29M] 3 weeks, acts uncomfortable with me [29/F] being active/assertive/successful | I like this guy and he's charming in a lot of ways. He tells me how smart, pretty I am and that he wants to have children and take half the parental leave to take care of his kids, it's his tradition for the wife to keep her maiden name/sometimes for even the man to take her name. He's excited that I have a science degree and a little more education than him but he acts challenged/uncomfortable with my intelligence and ability to get accomplish/learn and things done. He's all sweet etc but he won't be supportive of me being active/accomplishing as much as I can although he says he is. This makes me really uncomfortable and depressed. I have had the experience in the past of people saying that they are supportive of me but not being supportive. I know men who don't make me feel this way but mostly they are in science and know more than me so I am always asking them for help and they are not challenged by me so I know it is possible for things to feel different and right. How can I communicate this to him and communicate what I would like/need ? I am an empathetic person and it's draining, discouraging and hard to accomplish things feeling that my partner that is unhappy with me surpassing him. | Dating partner acts uncomfortable with me accomplishing things/asserting myself. I'm fond of him but his attitude is irritating and depressing. How do I communicate my feelings/ask for change ? |
t3_514vlo | legaladvice | Employing an Elder Care Provider- Question about legal responsibility for taxes and social security. | Location: NY, NY
Background: Granny is too old to live alone, but she isn't sick that she needs a nursing home. She needs someone to remind her to take medication, and to cook meals. She toilets and showers herself, and has no looney behavior. She has expressed over the years that she wants to stay in her apartment as long as possible. My mom is PoA and is trying to do right by Granny.
Current: My mom is looking into get a live in Elder Care Provider. She'd be doing this privately, not through an agency. However, using the pay structure of an agency, the plan would be to pay someone for 12 hours for each 24 hours they are there. Mom has interviewed a woman, "Sally," who has agreed to the salary offered. Sally would be staying there free of charge, with groceries and all utilities covered by Granny. When my mom suggested that Sally would work 5 days a week and inquired if she could recommend someone to work weekends, Sally said she would be comfortable doing it as well.
Side note: Mom is prepared to pay double time for holidays, as well as vacation time. Mom is trying to do right by Sally, too.
I know there are lots of legal questions that could be asked in this situation. And rest assured an appointment with the lawyer and accountant is already in the works. So this is really for my own curiosity... My question is, what is Granny (or Mom since she is PoA) legally financially responsible for regarding tax deductions, social security, etc for Sally. | When an individual is paying for an Elder Care Provider, what legal responsibility is there regarding taxes? |
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