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t3_2iijft | relationships | Me [17F], just started dating a guy [20M], really want to move forward but we have an expiration date. | I recently moved to a new city for the fall as part of a year abroad. Meeting people has been hard since most people my age are in college right now, so out of half-boredom, half-curiosity I created a Tinder profile, not really expecting anything to actually come of it. About three weeks ago I met one guy in particular and there was a good vibe so I decided to meet him, which I've never done before with someone from the internet, let alone Tinder.
Suffice to say it went better than I could have imagined. He was kind, sweet, sort of adorably shy, madly attractive and obviously not your average Tinder creeper. We've started going out and are now seeing each other almost every other day. It hasn't been very long but things have been moving fast, including emotionally. I really feel a connection with this guy and I honestly think he's boyfriend material.
I'm not sure exactly what my question is but I think I need some guidance. I've had my share of relationships, but it's always been people I was friends with beforehand. I'll try to write what's on my mind:
I've been thinking a lot about asking him if he wants to make this official. I think we both want that, but at what point is this considered normal in the dating process?
And here's the real catch: I'm only going to live in this city for another three months. I would be absolutely happy to be in a relationship until then, but I don't think a LDR would work for either of us. I'm pretty sure he agrees. Nonetheless we have started to seriously care about each other. Is it fair of me to ask him to be my boyfriend? What about (should it surface) the L-word? Would I just be setting the both of us up to get hurt? It feels like I have so much time here but I guess I really don't.
I know lots of you will scoff at Tinder (because I did too), but I think that given time I could love this guy. Help. | Started dating a guy, real spark, crazy about each other, I'm only living here temporarily. Is it fair to try to advance the relationship? If so, what do? |
t3_3erww2 | relationships | Me [26 F] with my friends [26 M,F] of a year, I got their hopes up in regards to Uni but it didn't work out | My friends both work in dead end retail jobs (no judgement, there just isn't any room for career progression there), and have recently applied to University. I'm at University, due to graduate soon.
I'm not a native to Britain. I got admitted to Uni here because of an agreement between my college and said University. So I have no idea how the system here works, how qualifications work, etc.
Both of them now have been rejected and didn't get into a foundation course, because both lack the necessary qualifications.
I feel it's my fault that they both are in that position. I brought up the idea, I took them to the Uni Open Day, I put the idea of getting into Uni into their heads.
Of course, they are massively distraught. She, let's call her Aria, has been putting all of her hopes on this. She has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, so she's already fragile. I fear this is going to push her over the edge. She has broken down and is ready to give up and resign herself to the fact that she's "going to be a shelf stacker all her life" (her words).
He, Ben, was more realistic, and even though he is somewhat pissed off he is able to deal a lot better.
Two questions:
How can I be there for them without flaunting my "success" in their face? How can I help Aria cope? Can I even do anything?
I am, and I know this is selfish, afraid that they will blame me for their shitty situation, or resent me for getting into Uni while they didn't. I feel guilty for even bringing up the idea, and for encouraging them to go through with their applications. How do I deal with it if that happens? And, even though logically I know I'm not to blame for them not getting their A Levels or whatever they would need, how do I get away from that guilt? | Friends applied for Uni b/c of my encouragement, they didn't get in. I want to help, and I feel guilty. |
t3_2mzua2 | relationships | I [M] have planned on breaking up this weekend, but my girlfriend [F] wants date night tonight. Feel conflicted | There are many reasons I have decided on why to breakup, one of them being that I don't feel the same way about her as I used to and not on the same level she does.
I've been having trouble getting to talk about it when I get home because she usually has dinner ready for me and I feel guilty about breaking up when she just made dinner. Then we usually have TV to watch, so I just go with the path of least resistance, and go another day. Rinse, repeat. So I thought Saturday afternoon would be the "perfect" time.
She asked me last night if I wanted to have date night (i.e., sex) tonight...I had to say yes. I feel like an absolute piece of shit though because
* I wasn't ready to do this tonight
* It's probably wrong to have sex with her when I've realized I don't feel the same way anymore and planning on breaking up.
* Even if I do have sex with her, I think it will come off strange when I bring up the breakup conversation less than 24 hours later.
Am I crazy for thinking this way? Should I break up with her as soon as I get home? | Made decision to breakup over the weekend, but GF wants sex tonight (Friday) |
t3_2j2iu3 | relationships | Me [20M] with [19F]. Unsure of status of relationship, and dating in general | I recently asked out a girl [19F] in my circle of friends at college, and she said yes. I'm somewhat of a late bloomer; it was my first time on a date. She had previously dated two people, and hooked up with one person at a party. We went well, we went to dinner, kissed after (which she initiated, but I was happy about), and then went to a party after with a couple of mutual friends we met up with. The next day, unprompted by me (I never mentioned the words "official", "boyfriend", "girlfriend", or anything else I'd consider of a similar ilk,) she told me she didn't want an "official" relationship, but that she'd like to date me. I tried to talk to her about this, to get an answer to a couple of questions I have listed below, but she rather quickly changed the topic. Then, later when I tried to get clarification on what she meant, she seemed upset and told me we should just be friends.
Because she seemed upset, I'm reluctant to bring this up with her again, and while I don't know if I'm particularly eager to hang out with her one on one atm, I'm fine with being around her with my other friends. However, I do still have some questions that I'm trying to figure out regarding dating vs boyfriend/girlfriend. My understanding was that dating was typically a step people would take to decide if they did want to be someones bf/gf. I'd think that if that wasn't at least a possibility, you'd refer to it as something else. I also did wonder if she said what she said to me because she kissed me, but I also was under the impressions that didn't necessarily imply anything beyond dating. Am I doing something wrong here or misunderstanding something? | Recently, I went on a date with a friend of mine, and after she first said she didn't want an "official" relationship, but wanted to continue dating, and then a couple of hours later said we should just be friends. |
t3_3euun5 | relationships | I [23/F] am foreseeing the end to my long-term relationship with my boyfriend [24]. | For those of you who have experienced a breakup after a long-term relationship, how did it happen? How did it go? How did you feel after it happened? How are you now?
I have been dating my boyfriend for a very long time since we were both very young; next month will/would be our 7 year anniversary. We have been having major issues due to his behavior for over a year now. Also, as we get older, I am noticing that our plans in life just aren't compatible. I would be initiating the breakup and I'm extremely apprehensive and scared. I know breaking up is the best thing for me, but he will/would be very much against the decision. Part of me doesn't want to break up, but I know it's because I've grown so used to having him in my life and it's about comfort instead of happiness at this point. | I'm strongly considering breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years and am anxious and looking to hear from someone who has dealt with a similar experience. |
t3_30ytl1 | relationships | Me [19 F] with my boyfriend [22 M] of 1 year: tips for a long distance relationship | I decided to go out-of-state for my undergrad due to the degree I thought I wanted. I met my boyfriend a few months in and we've been together since. He's wonderful and everything I've ever wanted in a significant other and life partner.
This semester, I have changed what I wanted to do. I came to this school specifically for the degree but since I'm no longer going to pursue it: I have decided to return to my home state in order to avoid racking up even more debt. We'll be 18 hours away, so weekend trips won't always be possible.
My boyfriend and I have talked extensively about it and there was never any doubts that we will try to make our relationship work. We've planning it out and hopefully we'll only be apart for a year, but it could be up to 3 years, depending on where he gets into grad school. (If it takes three years then we will have to rethink our strategy because that is a long time) We've planned trips to see each other and have been brainstorming ways to make it easier on our relationship, but I wanted some input from people who have done the long distance thing before.
How did you make it last? How did you survive through the weeks and months of not being able to see each other? What are things we can do to make sure that we stay connected?
I'm sure people will say that it's not worth it because we're both so young, but we're going to try and make this work. Any advice would be lovely. Thank you! | I will be transferring schools in a month and he's staying to finish school. We'll be apart for a year for sure and possible three, at most. Any advice on how to make it easier and keep our relationship strong? |
t3_116apf | relationship_advice | [26/f] My bf [29/m] isn't ready to say "I love you" | Hi all.
I have been in this relationship for 11 months now. I fell in love with him and told him so at 6 months. He still isn't saying it back, and it's really beginning to bother me.
How long is too long to wait for reciprocation?
I should add that I spoke with him about how it's beginning to really bother me and he said things like "I am 95% sure I love you", "I guess I feel like it is kind of a contract..." and "I probably do love you".
I've always had the feeling that if you aren't sure, than it isn't love. Am I wasting my time? | How long do I wait to hear I love you back before I need to consider ending it? |
t3_2wkxqv | relationships | dreams and closure | I (22F) dated the love of my life for almost a year. I was completely obsessed with him (21M). I would feel happy when he texted me, when I saw him, when I thought of him, etc. I felt him slipping away during the relationship and it really hurt. We ended up breaking up, but it was something I did for myself, not because I didn't want to be with him.
Now, a couple years later, I still think about him. I have dreams all the time about him. I think I still love him. My dreams are usually very emotional.. it's me longing for him and loving him while he doesn't even notice I exist anymore.. like I am no one. It's not hate from his part, but indifference. Which is what he is like in real life.. indifferent to us. I have tried everything to stop loving him and to find some sort of closure but nothing has worked. Any advice? Ideas? | Still longing for someone who is indifferent to me. Looking for advice |
t3_406o6v | personalfinance | Trying to buy a new car. $5k in saving. 635-ish credit score. No debt. One credit card. 100k income. | Hello,
Created a throwaway for this. My wife and I are trying to buy a new car.
**Some back story:** My spouse and I moved to Georgia a year ago, we've been living with my in-laws. We pay rent and half the utilities. We have one car and need to purchase an additional car so that we can move out and closer to Atlanta (the commute is killing us).
**So now what?:** We're looking at a 2015 Honda Accord Hybrid. I've had this job for nearly 6 months and make 100k a year before taxes so I *think* it comes to around 75k after taxes (taxed heavily as we're not home owners yet). I have 5k saved up and it's growing slowly but steadily (holidays were a big hit). I have one credit card through Wells Fargo with a limit that was just increased to $1500, we use it for groceries and gas and try to not under utilize it but also not spend with it like crazy.
I know my credit score is around ~~630-ish~~ 695 (via Credit Karma) but I've only had a credit card for less than 2 years. A few months back we went to a dealership and it was a rough experience. They tried to game us a bit but also said that my credit score/history wasn't anything they could hang their hat on and the best they could offer is an APR of 20%. We walked out as soon as they said that.
I feel pretty discouraged, I feel like other people with more debt and smaller income could more easily get a car. I'm considering going to my bank and seeing how good of a loan I can get because I think my credit score is still too low to qualify for manufacturer financing.
I've read a lot on here and just wanted to see if there was specific advice for my scenario. Any advice for my situation? What am I doing wrong? | Good income. Average credit score, short credit history. Savings growing. Can't figure out why I can't get a good APR. Help! |
t3_21uayu | relationship_advice | How should I [20/f] handle a relationship deadline with my wonderful boyfriend [20/m] | My boyfriend (20) and I (20)have been dating for 6 months and we are super happy together. It's both of ours first relationship and I've never felt this way about anyone before. We haven't fought, and we spend a lot of time together. I met his family this past recently and I adore them. The only problem is I'm leaving for Europe in September for 5 months and then plan on moving to the east coast (I'm from bc) to go to school. We love each other but we know the breakup is coming. How should I handle this, should we try for long distance at least for a little bit, or just be happy with what we had? | Great relationship with my boyfriend has an expiry date, and I don't know what to do. |
t3_2x30b0 | running | Half-marathon training assistance needed | Hi running,
I have found myself in a bit of a predicament, and I need advice and help. Months ago I signed up for a half marathon to be ran May 3. I'd never done one before but I've been running for soccer training for years and figured I could get into it.
The caveat here is that I chose the race as a comeback from ACL reconstruction surgery. That was all well and good until my recovery took longer than expected.
Long story short, here I am, fully recovered and ready to train, but with only about 8-9 weeks before the marathon. My prior conditioning as a runner would probably only afford me up to 2-3 miles of running ability at this point. Can I pull this off? If so, what kind of training plan am I going to need to get going on? | I have 8-9 weeks to go from being able to run 2-3 miles to 13.1. Can I, and how? |
t3_i7dx6 | relationships | Breaking up without being an asshole | I've (24/m) been seeing this girl (18) for a couple of months, just a few cookie-cutter dates, hanging out with friends, hanging out at my place type of thing.
I've wanted to keep things casual and have told her as much, as I've never really been single (recently out of a long-term relationship) and I'm only going to be living in-state for a little bit less than a year.
She seems fine with not being in a "relationship" whenever I have brought it up, and says that she is not looking for anything serious either...but it OBVIOUS that is not true. She has strongly hinted at wanting to move in with me, comes and goes as she pleases and basically acts in every way like we're a couple. This isn't so bad, she is an attractive, fun girl and I like hanging out with her, but her expectations for this are too high and I simply can't get this fact across to her.
Whenever I have broken up with someone (during "breaks" in my previous relationship) I've been a complete and utter asshole...I know that needs to change and it's time to grow up...especially so since I really don't want to hurt this girl in any way.
My question is this: How do I go about letting her off without just saying "We need to end this now" and stop talking to her?
Also, don't know if this is relevant, but she claims to be a virgin and I've avoided trying to mess around with her (despite the fact that I *think* I could have) because I REALLY don't want to be her "first" because wouldn't that just make the whole situation worse? I guess I don't really know how to deal with 18 year old virgins since I don't think I have ever met one... | Like the title suggests, how do you break up without being a complete asshole? General tips are welcome as well. |
t3_1beelb | relationships | Am I [f,22] leading my co-worker [m,25] on intentionally? | I recently started working a retail job at which I am the only girl. The guys who work there are nice and a lot of fun, and I get along well with everybody because we have similar interests. I just graduated from college and don't have a lot of friends left in the city, though I do have a boyfriend, who I've been dating for over a year and who I am moving in with.
I am really trying to expand my social circle and make friends, and I think this job is a great way to do that. I asked my co-worker if he wanted to watch a game that evening after work. He couldn't, so we talked later and made plans to go ice skating later that week. I am a hockey player, and he has never skated, so we were going to meet up before a game of mine and I could give him some lessons.
My boyfriend pointed out to me that this seems very much like a date. I've never mentioned that I have a boyfriend, just because it hasn't come up in conversation with him, though it has with some of my other co-workers. Now I'm worried that he thinks this is a date, and will be angry or disappointed when it isn't. I'm not sure how I can proceed without making it awkward.
He himself hasn't given me any indication that he expects or wants this to be anything other than friendly. Skating is such a big part of my life that I didn't think about the romantic aspect at all. I just want to branch out and make new friends without having to worry about making sure every guy I hang out with knows I have a boyfriend up front or else I'm leading them on. | I have a boyfriend, but asked my new co-worker to go ice skating. Trying to figure out if I am leading him on without meaning to. |
t3_2iku64 | relationships | My [16F] boyfriend's [17M] dad died yesterday , never met his dad or his family. | Throwaway Account since I Dont want my boyfriend to see this.
I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now and we are doing awesome. I really like him and he's like my best friend at the same time, we talk about all the stuff and I'm really happy to have met him.
Anyways, while we have been together pretty long, I never met his dad or his family. We would always hang out at my place, with friends or just in town since his family lives pretty far away and my boyfriend never really invited me to his place.
His father has been pretty sick, cancer , water in the lungs and such.
For about two months he has been in the hospital due to a heart attack and then yesterday he died.
My boyfriend got called out of school and after a few hours he messaged me, telling me about his father being dead.
He hasn't been in school today and I know he's doing awful, I'm trying to talk to him and I told him if he needed to talk he can always vent to me. We talked about how unfair life can be but I just don't know how to react to him and his feelings since I never had a death occur close to me. The closest thing I can remember was when my grandpa died about 7 years ago but that feels so far away.
I wish I could help him get better and I know it takes some time I just really don't know how to treat this situation. What am I supposed to do when I see him again in school? How am I supposed to behave when I meet his family for the first time? I just need some advice in general on how to treat this situation. Also I apologize for grammar mistakes since english isn't my native language. | boyfriend's dad, whom I never met, died. How to deal with this situation? |
t3_34mn63 | relationships | Me [00 M/F] with my ___ [00 M/F] duration, short-description | If you look through my last few posts on this throwaway account, you would see a desperate guy trying WAY too hard to get a girlfriend.
So it's time to change. Rather than desperately searching for a soul-mate, I've decided to work on myself, try new activities, meet new people, and have fun with friends.
Some things I **must** do:
1. Stop posting on Reddit about how I can't find a girlfriend
2. Socialize with everybody, not just people I want to date
3. Think about the man I want to be in the future, and do whatever it takes to become that guy. (Volunteer a lot, go the gym, eat healthy, etc etc etc)
Anything else I'm missing? | Basically, I should take my time to enjoy being single, because it won't be for long. Any ideas/tips? |
t3_1g8s4y | dogs | I'm house sitting two dogs for the next 5 days and I have no idea what I'm doing. | I had dogs growing up as a kid, but they pretty much stayed outside 24/7 and I haven't had one as an adult. I've been dog free the last 15 years or so. My friend is out of town the next 5 days and I offered to stay at her house watching her dogs. Is there anything I should know? So far, all they seem to want to do is be as close to me as possible at all times, sit where I'm trying to sit, and honestly... it's a bit frustrating. I'm sorry. I can't even sit down because as soon as I do they jump and crawl all over me and want to be on top of me. Then if I try to push them away, they just come back with even more force. And then if I get mad and take a harsh tone and tell them to get away, sounding stern, they go away and pout. Then I feel bad and tell them with their sad eyes and what not, and the I tell them I didn't mean to be an asshole and then they go right back to it and crawl all over me again and the cycle repeats. | gotta watch dogs for 5 days. Have no idea what I'm doing. Help. |
t3_4tobhx | relationships | Is it wrong for me [23M] to continue dating my SO[22F] of 8 months, when I know that I'm going to break up with her? | We've been dating for the past 8 months and for the most part it's been pretty nice. It's been semi long distance as she attend college out of state while I attend in state, but she come home for the summer.
She's a great friend and when we're together things are great. But between our conflicting work schedules and her family obligations I feel like I see her as often as I do when she's out of state.
I also feel like she's much more serious about the relationship than I am. She talks about the future and I'll indulge it a little, but where she sees a potential lifetime commitment, I don't.
All that said, I kinda wanna enjoy the rest of the summer and wait for the bus to come to a stop, rather than jumping off the second it starts slowing down. | I know that I am going to end up breaking up with my SO, but I'd like to enjoy the rest of the summer with her. Is that wrong? |
t3_3kmd6f | relationships | Me [22 F] with my bf [22 M] are serious but he is taking longer to quit smoking | My bf and I are close to approaching our first year together and its gotten very serious. He's a great match for me except for one problem: he's taking wayyyy longer than he promised to quit smoking.
I'm not disgusted by smoking but I AM terrified for him, his health, and his confidence. He wants to stop smoking as much as he wants that cigarette fix. Its a vicious cycle and heartbreaking to watch.
He's got history with nicotine: his father quit only 2 years ago, and he began chewing tobacco with his buddies in high school to cut weight for wrestling
He smokes about 2-3 cigarettes a day and 4-5 if he's stressed or anxious. We agreed that he would start to detox in the fall, but its already been a month and he's still smoking.
I get the feeling he's scared to quit. | How can I help my bf quit smoking? We talk about our future together (a big deal now that we're leaving home, finishing college, etc.) but I don't see it happening unless he's healthier. |
t3_x1cse | AskReddit | Reddit, a friend of ours in the 501st is going through some serious and very expensive medical procedures, and is at risk of losing his Job, I want to set up a donation...how can I go about this? | He's really a good friend of the local 501st squad (Squad 7) here in north Florida, his name is Jon (withholding last name for now). I don't know the exact specifics, but he had heart surgery awhile ago, which I believe started the whole problem. Jon was a avid body builder, would intimidate anyone in the room, but he's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet.
It hit me hard today when they posted that he might need to Mitral Valve completely replaced see:
These procedures cannot be cheap in the least, and the financial aspect will ruin them. What about it that hit me hard is that he said he "wants to give up." His wife is posting about his status and I can tell she is very upset.
I never really knew them too well on a personal level, but I know them enough that I really want to help them. The 501st for those that don't know is a non-profit Star Wars costuming charity organization, where we raise money for various charities and such. While I never saw Jon participate as a costumer, I know he always supported his wife and always came out to gatherings.
I really want to help in some way. I myself am dirt poor and can only offer so much. I would really like to set up some type of donation for them so that they can at least afford some of the surgeries/medications.
Anyone that can help? | Friend of the 501st is giving up on hope after undergoing heart surgery and is needing to get another soon, and they cannot afford what they need. I need help to help them! |
t3_q3952 | AskReddit | Redditors, what's the most life-affirming moment you have experienced at work? I'll start... | I'm a Primary School teacher in the UK. This happened today;
I was having a conversation with a parent of one of my class at the end of the day. It's worth noting that the child involved is only 5 years old.
PARENT: You know that homework you sent home earlier this week?
ME: ...No?
PARENT: It was about number bonds or something like that.
ME: We don't sent homework home in Year 1, besides spelling and reading, until the Summer term.
PARENT: Oh, well *child* brought home a sheet about number bonds, and where it says 'With the teacher' she crossed out 'teacher' and wrote 'mum'.
*I realise what's happened and look at the child, who's grinning at me.*
ME: Did you take home a spare worksheet at the end of the lesson to practise your number work?
*Child nods and grins more.*
ME: That's brilliant! What a lovely idea! They're only spare sheets anyway so if you want to take them home to practise, you can.
PARENT: She's been taking homework home since she came to you in September.
ME: So, for 6 months now, she's been taking our spare worksheets home, not even stopping to tell us she was doing it, so that she can practise what she's learned about by doing it at home, and she's only 5 years old? That's.... literally the sweetest thing anyone in my class has ever done. | Anybody who says the children are a lost generation is LYING. |
t3_idpjl | AskReddit | Reddit, what are some tips on healthy living for a broke college student? | As I hope you can surmise, I'm in college and not particularly well off. I'm lucky enough to have a full ride for spring and fall semesters and to get grants for classes during the summer, with a little left over each section that allows me to be able to get by without needing a job. This is quite a nice existence, and I know that I'm very lucky to have such a situation, however I have an issue. I recently made the choice to make amends for my sedentary lifestyle thus far and improve my quality of living. I've been running every day and the like for over a month now, but my diet is sub-par because I simply can't afford to buy a bunch of healthy food all the time. I was wondering if you could give me some tips on how to improve my diet, as well as any other tips on improving my lifestyle. Thanks.
My apologies if there are some grammar or spelling errors, I'm a math major and the English portions of my brain only run at 92% normal efficiency. | I'd love to hear any tips you have for cheap, healthy living. |
t3_4ha6of | relationships | Me [22F] with my now ex[23M] of 2 years, emotionally abusive relationship ended and feel like shit how to get on with my life since I don't know many people in this new city? | Hi fellow redditors, my ex and I had been on a relationship for 2 years, things had been on a decline for a while. He was inconsistent and I had not been able to trust him for a while since he kept lying "to protect my feelings"
BS if you ask my logical side of the brain, the part of me who is aware that I am either in love with him or just so comfortable with him begs to differ
We fought very often, I tried to make things better, he never apologized for anything, I got mad about that, he'd be a dick, I'd feel offended and be mean too.
I had been aware for a while that I was putting in more effort than him and resented him for that. I know it is good that things ended finally, it was not healthy for us to stay there. I don't think he is a bad person, he is just too self-centered and doesn't realize that he can be super hurtful. Not saying I was a saint either, but when I wronged him I did not need him to tell me that we could talk later to discuss the issue, I'd take initiative and acknowledge my shortcomings.
It is really painful. I thought he was going to be the one I'd spend the rest of my life with at some point. There were a lot of painful things, but when things were good, they were AWESOME. Shitty things were AWFUL-- but I (like to think) had more good than bad moments. I don't know what to do to move on. I am very social, but I don't tend to talk about personal things with lots of people, and my closest friends are miles and countries away (they aren't that many either and they are super busy). I don't know many people in this city. I don't know who to talk to, he was my best friend. Meeting people through apps sounds weird, but I'm open to that if people have had good experiences with those.
How do people move on? | Toxic relationship ended- need suggestions to move on/ meet new people because my closest friends and family live far away. |
t3_46ckiq | relationships | Should my friend date my ex | Me(17 female) broke up with my ex (17)two months agos we were going out for nearly 11 months he was my first and i broke up with him as i didn't feel he felt the same way.
5 days after i broke up with him, he told me he liked one of my friends megan(17). I then ask my megan if she likes my ex. She say no constantly throughout the two months after our break up and that she thinks what he did was unfair to me, me and my ex begin talking again a month after the break up of which he wants me back but i decline. I then tell megan this and mich more so she knows about out sex life and all my feelings about this break up which consisted of i still like him bit he hurt me too much so couldnt get back with him.
My ex then asks my friends out two months later and megan said yes how should i react about this? Bearing in mind all of us have school together amd are on the same friendship group. | me and my ex broke up and a good friends who knew how upset i were about it and knows a lot about pur sex life is now going on a date with him two months after, what should i do? |
t3_1yll21 | relationship_advice | I (M21) just can't face the fact that my 4 year relationship with her (F18) is over. | Pretty self explanatory besides the fact that I truly gave my genuine 100% love to her, every day always. I thought she loved me too, but how the hell could it have been love if she "just isn't feeling romantic anymore"? How can you just fall out of love. I know the fact that she goes to college and I only see her twice a month makes a difference but if it was love would it matter? It is just hard to deal when nothing really went wrong. When I really did love her and thought she did too. And yes it was hard dealing with her absence but I wouldn't have ever broken up because I know she's worth it, she claims shes been feeling distant but its just like wtf? | Gf of 4 years said she felt distant, we consequently broke up and I don't know what to do. |
t3_29ets3 | tifu | TIFU by posting several personal details on craigslist | I put an ad on Craigslist under "All Community" - "childcare" offering babysitting services. I said that I was a Stay At Home Mom and mentioned my town, the cross street that I live by, that I live close to a school, my phone number and email address. I also posted a few pictures of my kid friendly backyard and my kids playing.
Today I received a phone call from a man, he SOUNDED creepy, not at all like a dad looking for a babysitter. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and continued the conversation. After he told me briefly about his "2 year old son Zachery", he kept asking how fast I was able to conceive my kids, if I wanted another child, how old I was, how I sounded so friendly....Then he told me he does surveys for a living and asked if he could ask me "sex questions". I hung up. I feel so stupid for posting my details on craigslist...I knew the risk but figured since I posted into a specific group that only moms would see it.
I typed in my phone number on Google and a completely different street and name came up - phew!
I also google searched my email address, again, nothing. | I posted some details about where I live and my phone number on a babysitting ad for craigslist and a creep called me asking weird questions and wanted to give me a "sex survey" |
t3_12k1h4 | relationships | How do you protect yourself from hustlers and sociopaths? | Hi, I'm 31 years old and I have had a problem throughout my adult life of being a sucker for hustlers and sociopaths. I'm a caring and empathic person. Also, I'm a reasoned man who likes to be sure of things before I act on them, reserving judgment of people and giving people the benefit of the doubt. I've been used and hurt by hustlers and sociopaths so many times that it's becoming an ongoing traumatic experience that gets worst each time it happens. It's made me scared to create relationships. The worst part is that my intuition generally picks up on warning signs, but because I have no proof, I keep going with it until I actually do get hurt. Then when it's usually too late, but sometimes right before, I am able to reflect and gather information from other people that show me that these people pathologically lie to people, are insincere, and manipulative.
I started reading up on what kind of behaviors to look out for, but how do other people do it? How do you protect yourself from such people? How do you know? Is everyone who gets too friendly too fast a problem?
Most importantly, once you know someone is this way, but they are involved in your life anyway, be they a relative or co-worker, what do you do to protect yourself from them? | How do you protect yourself from hustlers? |
t3_4fhrot | relationships | I [21M] get angry, frustrated, upset, whenever something reminds me of my ex. | She cheated on me and broke up with me, while for months pretending she "Maybe" wanted to get back with me. When I found out she was actually with the guy she cheated on me with she was still saying I have a chance while she didn't know I knew. This led to me really losing it. I can say she was the first girlfriend I ever truly felt comfortable, open, being myself, and not having any walls. To have someone like that then turn around and cheat and lie...it really messed with me.
This all happened back in October(when we broke up) till the end of November when I found out she was stringing me along and lying to me and I found out about him.
I know I should have left immediately but she did make me feel different and better about myself so I stayed.
Now though, whenever someone or something reminds me of something I did for her, she did for me, or we talked about...I can feel myself getting angry and upset. Not really sure what to do about this...I don't want to get angry regarding anything that had to do with our relationship. | Ex broke down my walls, cheated and lied to me, strung me along. Now I get angry about anything to do with our relationship. |
t3_jp9um | AskReddit | HAE ever tried to do a good deed for selfish reasons, and then received praise for your selflessness? | I'll start. This past week a boys volleyball player at my high school passed away. I knew that the girls volleyball team would be in attendance of the funeral, and seeing the opportunity for a specific girl to cry on my shoulder, ended up convincing my water polo team to attend. Well, she sat nowhere near me and we exchanged about two words at the funeral. It being the second day of a Hmong Funeral, it was not what I would call a "traditional" service, I was not prepared for the lack of contact we would have, but I digress. So after being acknowledged as "coordinator" of my teams attendance, I have received several texts/calls/Emails all saying that what I did was very honorable and meant a lot to the family. | I convinced my team to go to a funeral so I could be close to a girl, only to receive praise for my selflessness. |
t3_az89r | AskReddit | Reddit, my future is in your hands. | I'm turning 21 in a couple months and have no real direction in life. I have taken 2 years of university with nothing really peaking my interest and I now come to you.
What is an amazing career choice that makes lots of money and isn't very difficult to get into? I've been looking at getting into the trades but I have health issues that may limit that. (I had 2 herniated disks in my spine which put me on disability for 6 months. I had surgery last month to fix one of them and I may need another surgery within a couple months.) I'm also curious as to which careers make lots of cash but require a lot of work, which careers make a decent amount of cash for a decent amount of work and which ones make a decent amount of cash for little/no work. | I need to choose a career that makes a good amount of money and isn't too physically strenuous. Any good ideas? |
t3_4v9wyx | relationships | My parents (47M, 46F) want me (22F) to take senior photos and my boyfriend (22M) wants engagement photos. I'm terrified. | So I'm going into my senior year of college. We recently got an order form for senior pictures. I never got them in high school because, well, I always look terrible in staged photos. But my parents really really want them since I'm graduating and stuff, and I don't want to let them down. The problem is, photos make me really anxious. I'm not very pretty, and because I'm dark-skinned I never look bright or cute in photos, just sort of dull. I also have short hair and am worried that a static posed image like that will make me look like a man. I also don't have a 'thing' to have as my central photo. In all the example shoots, people included aspects of their college persona, like a marching band uniform or sports equipment or some aspect of a hobby. I don't have anything like that. I'm afraid it'll just be five boring photos of me grimacing in a tired blouse/pencil skirt.
My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) also wants engagement photos for our families, and I'm scared about that too. He's really handsome and I don't want to look bad by comparison. I know him being there will get a genuine smile out of me, but I just worry that I won't be glamorous enough for such a photo shoot.
What should I say to my parents and boyfriend? Should I back out? Should I go forward? | Photos are looming. Unphotogenic girl needs help, or an escape plan. |
t3_3lpdu0 | relationships | Me [21 M] broke up with my ex-girlfriend [21 F] after 3 years cause I wasn't happy with my personal development in college | So I started dating this girl in freshmen year and she was incredible and really good for me. We got along great and got really comfortable with each other. She's my first girlfriend for some context. We dated for 3 years until we broke up.
The reason I gave at the time was because we'd discussed the future and how we'd end up in different cities after college and it wouldn't work out. The relationship had an expiry date and so we broke up. But I've been thinking about it since, and the reason I was so ready to break this relationship was because I wasn't happy with how I'd developed personally in college.
I felt like I'd given up a lot of things for the relationship such as going out with my friends more or hanging out with people longer. I am not the person I was hoping to be when I leave college and thats why I needed a change. Just to be clear, she never made me stay in or not let me hang out with my friends; it was just something I did by choosing her more often than my friends and I feel like I would keep doing that if I stayed in the relationship. We also have distinct friend groups so we don't go out together too often.
So since the break up, I've had a chance to meet a lot of people I was neglecting and thats been nice. But I really miss her and being with her. We've barely spoken since the breakup; we decided to remain friends and we've been nice to each other when we do talk - despite it being kinda formal and lacking the previous comfort.
So yeah, I'm not sure what to do. Should I try to get back with her? Or should I just wait and see what happens? | Broke up with long term girlfriend to focus more on myself but cant stop thinking about her; not sure what to do now |
t3_216juy | relationships | Me [25m] with my [22F] broke up | my ex who i love with my whole heart has left me. she left me because she told me she wasnt what i deserve and want in a relationship.
She went to a party with single guys, and told me i wasnt aloud to go with her. I explained why that isn't on, and after an hour of explainging why its not on in a relationship and what singal she is sending to the single guys, she agreed told me she wouldn't do it to me and it was wrong. She still went out and did it, so i cut her off for 2 days. I went back and saw her, told her that i love her and i forgive her, she told me i have trust issues, and she can't do it anymore.
I feel broken and lost. | GF left me because i had trust issues |
t3_231pzn | relationships | Me [20 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of 18 months, starting to develop unnecessary paranoia | Me and my girlfriend met at college 18 months ago and I could not be happier with our relationship. We quickly realised we had something different and special and we plan to stay together for the rest of our lives. In 18 months we've had a handful of arguments over trivial things but no significant issue between us has come up yet.
Despite all this, I've noticed I'm developing something of a paranoia with her. I haven't made my feelings known to her in any way, I haven't voiced any concern when she goes out without me etc, I just feel it inside.
It makes me act a bit strangely. See, at college we go out together with our friends and I don't find it much of an issue, guys often try to hit on her but once they notice me they drop it.
In vacation it's a different story, we live far from each other and when she goes out at home I get weird. I stay up till 4 or 5 am to see her texts saying she got home safe, I look at hers and her friends Facebooks and Instagrams etc to see where they're going and who they're with and of course every time it's exactly where she told me and who she told me with.
I want to stress, there is absolutely no reason for me to be doing this, I have no evidence, nothing has ever happened that should make me suspicious of her, yet I am.
For now, it isn't really beyond what I described above. I've never had the compulsion to look through her phone, but that's probably just because I don't have access to it in vacation time. If I got to that stage I would feel terrible, if I want to spend my life with this woman, I don't want it to be like this.
I couldn't ask for more from her when it comes to my social life, she doesn't bombard me with texts and questions while I'm out and she doesn't get upset when I can't do stuff with her because I have plans with friends.
I want her to be able to enjoy that from me too for the rest of our relationship but at the moment, I feel like that could change. I want to change the way I'm thinking right now. | Beginning to get paranoid and suspicious of gf of 18 months for no reason and I don't like it. |
t3_23cnlb | relationships | Is it normal for a woman to get rejected this much? Is there something horribly wrong with me that I just can't see? 23F | So a guy asks me out, and he seems to be really into me. We go out several times, have tons of fun, maybe get physical, maybe not, and then BAM, no calls, no texts, or possibly a declaration about how they're "not feeling it."
This exact scenario has happened about 6 times in the past several months, and I'm honestly tired of it. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I've tried waiting to have sex, I've tried not waiting to have sex. I've put a ton of effort into it, and I've backed off and put very little effort into it, but the results are all the same. I've even tried vastly lowering my standards and I still got rejected.
I hear a lot about how women are always the ones to reject men, and I hate it when people say that, because that basically means that I'm the only one with this problem and I've failed as a women. It's making me really depressed, and I'm pretty sure at this point I'm going to be alone forever. I don't think I can enjoy a life like that.
Oh, and these guys that reject me are all looking, very hard, for relationships, and they all seemed to be really into me in the beginning.
As far as I can see, I'm fun, intelligent, very good-looking, exciting to be around, and an overall good catch. Obviously my perception is false, otherwise this wouldn't happen so much, but no one will tell me what's wrong with me. | Gotten rejected a lot by guys who really seem to be into me. As far as other people have told me, this isn't a normal thing that happens to people. How can I figure out what's wrong with me? |
t3_35d9jq | legaladvice | How does the Social Security process work (specifically after I get rejected)? | Basic Info: I am 20M. I have aspergers, arthritis, GI problems, and some other stuff to deal with, and I have applied for Social Security in the past, but got rejected. I live in Florida btw.
Now I am trying yet again, and have sent SS all my stuff. Now they are telling me to go to a doctor so I can get some sort of evaluation done which is fine by me. According to my mom if I get rejected (which I probably will based on past experience) she will bring me to a lawyer which will be paid with past-due benefits.
The main reason I am doing this is to get insurance, because I nor my mother can afford it on our own, and maybe some money so I can help her out, and put away something until I can get a job of my own. I don't plan on being a bum if that's what anyone is thinking. I am currently working towards a degree, and a job. | Any tips, or things I should know about while pursuing SS benfits? |
t3_2wm8ep | relationships | My [20/m] girlfriend [24/m] of 6 months absolutely refuses to talk about porn she watches, it's eating me away | So I've been dating this girl for about 6 months now, we have a great relationship and are overall very happy together. We have a great sex life, we have sex almost every day and I really enjoy every second of it. She's the first woman I've ever been with whom I actually cared for to get off -- that is I never cared if the women I've had sex with ever came, only if I did. I guess I've matured, and I think we have great sex.
There's only one problem. She absolutely. Totally. Refuses. To talk about porn at all with me. That is, what kind she watches. While we were drunk once she let it slip that she liked to watch rape porn , but she wouldn't go any further. When I told her I wanted to talk about it a bit further, she got very defensive and claimed "I only like to watch regular porn(regular porn, what does that even mean?) , it's nothing, drop it"
Furthermore, I once woke up in bed next to her watching porn on her iPad (I didn't see what it was, specifically she turned it off quickly) I suggested we watch it together and have some fun, and she got very defensive, turned off the iPad and went to sleep.
I don't know exactly why it bothers me so much, I suppose it's because I feel like she's hiding something huge from me that she feels might push me away from her? | Girlfriend won't talk to me about her porn habits at all. Feel distanced by it and wish I could simply have a conversation about it. |
t3_2fwvbh | tifu | TIFU by being a dumbass drunk American abroad | Spring break 2010 - I'm studying abroad in Florence and go to Barcelona / Valenica for 10 days with my best friend. Pretty fucking awesome. Fast forward to an incredibly wasted night where my friend had already gone back to the hostel. I'm wandering the streets of Barcelona slowly making my way back to my hostel when I get approached by some girl (may or may not have been attractive) who proceeded to walk right up to me, grab my crotch and start saying sultry stuff. Mind you, I'm a wasted 20 year old who suddenly has validation that he's the hottest shit in all of Europe. Never did I question why it happened, I figured life was finally playing out the way it was supposed to. Within seconds another girl came up to me and started rubbing me while the first girl slid a hand down my pants (albeit over my boxers). I was the fucking man. Then one of them started saying sucky sucky and I finally realized that these were just cheap whores. Said realization resulted in me pushing away from them only to see my wallet fall to the ground. Suddenly, my Jew senses kicked in and I realized I was getting robbed. So I pick up my wallet, said fuck you and turned around to continue on my way. I then examine my wallet and notice that my 100euros are already gone and they took my shitty europhone. Fucking assholes. Luckily I had all of my ids and what not. Definitely the most expensive fake-handjob I've ever gotten in my life. | wasted stupid American spent 100+euros to have an unattractive street urchin almost give me a handjob. |
t3_prl01 | AskReddit | Reddit, I am having serious issues with interactions between my medications and my body. I could really use some help. | Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I am on 600mg of Lithium Carbonate. I take a 300mg pill twice a day for Bi-Polar II. Over the past 7-8 months I had been taking a few different medications and finally settled on the Lithium that worked best for me.
Here is where the issue starts. The pills effect my mental climate very well and many people I know would have no idea that I am on medications for bipolar disorder unless I bring it up. But, the pills have started to effect my sex life.
Almost every time my girlfriend of two years and I have sex it doesn't last any longer than a few minutes (< 2-3) and it is starting to have a serious impact on our relationship. Same goes for any sort of self-stimulation.
After doing a few general google searches my results came up null in regards to other people on the same medication who are suffering from the same issue, which I am assuming is premature ejaculation.
If anyone can point me in any direction of how to mend this problem without stopping the medications that have helped me tremendously I would appreciate it. | I have a failing sex life with my girlfriend and myself due to mood stabilizers. |
t3_3l8vqu | tifu | TIFU by telling my biased mom about Ahmed Mohamed. | So today I got the whole school talking about Ahmed, and came home satisfied of my accomplishments. I thought it would be OK to tell my parents about it.
As, we sat to eat dinner outside, I told my mom the story, about this poor boy who was arrested for stereotypical racism. My mother stops eating, looks into my eyes, and says the most unexpected answer to me.
"Good, that boy deserved it."
I stop eating, and now were looking straight into your own souls.
"What?", I questioned.
"This boy shouldn't bring in something that looks like a bomb, what if it blew up? The teacher did the right thing to call the police." she says...
I clench my fists under the table. I cannot believe what she said. I try to tell her it wasn't intentional, and that he was smart in electronics and technology, knew what he was doing and wanted to present it because he was so excited. Later to be turned down by fear of the teacher. EVEN, Irving wouldn't let him [Ahmed] explain his side of the story, or at least ignore it.
Nothing I said to my mom would change her mind, she agreed with the teachers action,and with the police side of the story.
Is this with some of your mothers? That they need to win the argument and want to make their children look stupid? And have that moment of "accomplishment?"
Great, my mom thinks that Ahmed did it intentionally. | Basically my mom thinks that Irving did the right thing, and Ahmed did it intentionally. That was not the answer I was expecting. |
t3_31t4vo | relationships | Me [21 M] with my Father [53 M], afraid to disappoint my dad by telling him no. | Hi all, first time posting, looking for some advice.
Some backstory, my dad is a very emotional guy in the sense that when he gets angry he will throw a fit or send me on a guilt trip until he is aware that I am upset for upsetting him, and he then storms off. After a few hours he cools down and acts like it never happened.
For example, at the beginning of last September I was planning on heading back to school with my current girl friend (as at the time she was going through really heavy personal/ family issues and I felt that I should be with her to comfort her).
Dad assumed that he was going to drive me too school (I live ~2 hrs from where I go to school) and when I told him otherwise he turned the question around asking "So what you're saying is you don't need me." and stormed off. I understood that this would upset him as we do like to road trip together & he has taken me to school for the previous 2 years, but it made me feel like shit for doing that to him.
Catch up to now and I was offered a great internship in NYC for the summer. My Dad told me that him, my mom, and I would head to NYC a week early to vacation a little bit, and I told him sure thing (this was back in November).
However, I had assumed that my gf would be able to find some work in NYC over the summer too, but has had no luck so far. I want to tell my dad that I don't want to leave early so I can spend more time with my gf before I leave (which I realize is being selfish to my family, but we would change our week long trip to maybe half a week) but I'm deathly afraid to tell this to my dad.
I feel like he will resent me and say that I'm choosing her over him (or something to that effect). Any and all advice would be appreciated!! | Afraid to tell my dad no in fear of disappointing him and being guilt tripped to feeling like shit. |
t3_435h6v | weddingplanning | HELP: Bridesmaid Mix & Match Dresses and their bouquets | Hi wedditors--
I AM LOSING MY MIND.
I opted for mix and match bridesmaid dresses. [I first settled on this combination.] However, I am worried that I won't be able to get a bouquet that will look right.
The dresses are from rent the runway (I'm paying) and now I'm having worries about the gold dress and it fitting into my color scheme (roughly navy, white, pinks, etc). I'm thinking about switching it out for either of these two combinations:
* [Original Combination](
* [New Combination 1](
* [New Combination 2](
* [See all three together](
At this point, I'm even considering scrapping everything and going to Weddington Way where BMs can pick their own style and I'll pick color. However, this is the look that I wanted to avoid. | Having second thoughts about my mix and match dress choices, especially now that I'm looking at flowers. Wedding is Kate Spade-themed evening event in a garden at a historic site. Need opinions/advice/thoughts! |
t3_17qgc5 | BreakUps | M37, just split with the love of my life (F29) because I can't get her to drink less | We've had our problems, but I've never cared so much for a person. I don't want to be without her, but she's hurting my life. She drinks every day, and our only social activities are those that involve going to a bar. It's expensive, it's unhealthy, it's irresponsible, and it's time-consuming!
I want to get married and have kids, but if you can't stay sober for more than one day, how will you make it through pregnancy? And how will you raise a child?!
We argue a lot, and I can't help feeling that wouldn't happen if we ever had a chance to communicate when we're both sober. She accuses me of having a temper and "blowing up" when she tries to talk to me... but I'm so much easier to talk to when I'm not drinking, and I'm so much more understanding when I'm not being accused by a drunk. | She drinks too much. I love her, but I had to break it off because I couldn't get her to change. Is there any hope? Anything I can do in this situation? |
t3_yhxq4 | AskReddit | I think my mom might have an alcohol problem. Can you please help me Reddit? | My mom has always drank a lot. She drinks every day, and usually normally with friends. She obviously doesn't know her limit because she always seems to drink too much.
I don't think it is alcoholism (it might be, but I'm not a professional), but it is pretty bad. She asks the same questions 5 times in a row, forgets things, tries to "help" with everything, and get offended very easily.
For example, she burnt a bagel 3 times tonight, all the while she was being constantly reminded not to keep it in the toast to much. A few weeks ago, I got irritated with her and just shooed her away (I try to it ignore her when she drinks), but she threatened to "kick my ass" and "didn't care that my friend was watching" (she never would actually go through with it, but it was still rude)
I don't know what to do about this. Should I confront her? How so? My dad, tonight, also seemed irritated, so should I confront him about m mom first? I don't want to cause problems, but I can't deal with this anymore. Please help Reddit! | If you're not going to read it, I don't want your help. |
t3_3pl7ve | relationships | Me [23 M] with my GF [22 F] of 1 year, got into a huge fight about her past, how do I show her I'm over it and I am sorry. | Me and my gf of 1 year got into a fight about her past and I said some very hurtful things to her and it made her feel like a piece of shit. Basically i am very inexperienced and she is pretty experienced (sexually) and I kind of made her feel like crap for giving herself away to other people and not saving it for me. I am not perfect I slipped up. I knew what I was saying wasn't nice but I didn't know to what extent it affected her, and it was very very bad because we already had arguments like this. I am not a good boyfriend because what kind of boyfriend makes their one love feel bad and be reminded of there past?
I love her with all my heart, and the shitty thing is that she's been nothing but a sweet kind and caring girlfriend whom I love so much. What can I say or do to her to show her how sorry I am? | Said some very mean things to girlfriend about her past. What can I say or do to show her I am sorry. |
t3_2a2ozo | relationships | My ex [26F] and me [27M] broke up over a year and a half ago and I still feel like it's getting worse | Backstory: We dated for a year and a half in Chicago, broke up, I moved to California, we rekindled, she moved to California, we dated for another year and a half, she left because she was unhappy.
I've been doing the whole no contact thing for the past 4 months with her and it just doesn't seem to be working. I go out with friends, exercise regularly, activities, deleted Facebook, everything I could possibly do to get my mind off it and still think about her for every free thought my brain has. I think about her so much I have dreams about her every night and it really ruins my day. The last time I saw her was in January and the time before then August and would maybe text once or twice weekly so it's not like I'm still seeing or even speaking to her regularly.
I have been dating as well but just can't bring myself to develop feelings or see sparks with other women. I definitely have a type and that was my ex and I've been trying to date outside of that unsuccessfully.
I know I'll never get her back, completely come to terms with that and we are both different people now. I guess my issue is why won't it get better when I've been doing everything right(so I've been told) to make it better. I haven't talked to my ex in months and it just feels like it's getting worse. Should I see a professional maybe? It definitely effects my day to day life. This has happened before and the only way I got over the one before was with my last ex who I loved even more and in return, hurt even more. I don't want this cycle to continue. | Did no contact for 4 months, not getting better. |
t3_xumw8 | relationships | First serious relationship (3.5 years) has just come to an abrupt, painful end. What next? | I am male, 23. I am employed full time as a web developer/software engineer. She is female, 22. She teaches children with special needs. When we first began dating, she had a very serious diagnosis of OCD. Since then, we have worked on it together, and she no longer has any constant tics that interfere with her life. We were together for 3.5 years and had known each other since high school. My emotional state doesn't allow much for a bounty of details, however, over this past weekend I found out that she had cheated on me with two different people on Friday and Saturday night. I was dumbfounded. She's always been the type that adamantly opposes cheating and hates everyone that does it. Not only this, but she also despises any sort of "slutty" behavior outside of relationships. After it happened, she told me that she wished she could take it back and that she just wanted things to stay how they were. I told her to pack up her stuff and remove it from my house. The next night she came over to get her stuff while I was home. I forgave her and told her I would still be willing to be her friend after what she had done, but I would not forget that it happened, nor pretend that it didn't. Things have been rough, and I told her today to remove what was left of her belongings and that I didn't think it was a good idea if we spoke or saw each other any further. She complied, and (most of) her stuff has been taken away. This leaves me terribly confused and hurt. I don't know whether I should speak with her to let her know that I'll be there for her, or if I should let her fend for herself and worry about my own emotional health.
I'm not entirely sure what I should do next, either. Unhappy thoughts about the situation plague my mind. Do any redditors with a similar experience have any advice on how to cope? Should I wait to go out and meet new people? | Me: 23, male |
t3_19mlgm | self | I'm in a complicated and frustrating situation with this girl I really care about. Advice? | So this girl and I have been friends for about a year and a half now. We've dated different people throughout, even though I've always felt an attraction to her and gotten the sense that she felt similarly.
I asked her about two weeks ago if she had ever thought about the possibility of us dating, and she said she had. We then proceeded to talk non-stop for a couple weeks and spend a lot of time together. Trouble is -- she has a boyfriend still.
She told me she likes me, feels attracted to me, is happy I told her that I have feelings for her, and yet, she won't break up with this guy. They have dated for approximately 10 months. It's fucked up because she says that she knows it will inevitably fall apart and they will break up because their worldviews are so incompatible (she's liberal and spiritual; he's Christian af, conservative, and bigoted).
Yet, she says they have "built a life together" and that she "doesn't break up with someone to be with someone else because she feels something about that is immoral". She said she "wants to let the relationship run its course naturally and have their ideals be the deciding factor because she made a commitment".
I respect that she is principled, but I can't help but feel frustrated at how fucked up this is. She says she hopes we get together someday and believes that if it's meant to be, it will be. She says she hopes we go to the same grad school and can possibly try it then.
We're so utterly compatible and want many of the same things in life, yet she's stuck on this doofus. I don't know whether to retain hope or try to move on for now. She's one of my best friends. I will see her all the time because I work with her and have class with her.
I don't know if I should keep trying to talk to her about breaking up with him or let it be. I will likely be leaving the state in five months for an indefinite period of time. I want to be with her. I'm really confused and disappointed. I feel like we have a profoundly deep and real connection. Any help is appreciated. | Fell hard for a long time friend; she feels the same. She won't break up with her long-time boyfriend because she believes in letting the relationship run its course, even though she believes that their incompatible ideals will inevitably lead to a split. Help? |
t3_2mad5g | relationships | Me [27M] with my Wife[28F] duration, After Baby Intimacy issues | Throwaway for this question which is much more personal than I'm usually willing to put on the internet, sorry for the wall of text, I started writing and kind've just kept going.
My wife and I had a baby about three months ago, and we're getting back to the point where we have some normalcy and routine in life, and want to start getting back to being intimate. While this is something we both want, when we're in the moment, my wife cannot let herself relax and enjoy it, to the point where things stop and everyone goes away frustrated, because she doesn't feel sexy. Our baby was almost ten pounds, and she does have some stretch marks and some loose skin on her stomach, which seems to be her main sticking point in this. I've tried everything I can think of as far as being supportive, including telling her how sexy I find her, slow build up with sexy messages through the day, waiting for the time that she wanted, but it all seems to come down to we both want to be intimate, but she just can't get into it. This same issue is eroding her self-image, where she says she's doesn't feel good about herself because of the specific issue of her stomach. She's working out most days at the gym, and we're eating healthier, but this isn't going to be a quick fix type thing, and when it comes down to it, it's really more about her self-image and confidence than anything. She knows her body won't be always exactly how she wants it to be but can't reconcile that to actually feel good about herself and let herself be intimate.
This is turning into an issue that's bleeding into other parts of our lives. We're both basically at a loss, and while we can talk about it together candidly, we can't seem to come up with anything to do other than wait, but we're both worried this could lead to a new "normal" for us because intimacy can be so hard to recapture sometimes. How can I be supportive, and more importantly what can we do to work through this situation and get back on the same page? | We had a baby, waited a while and now we want to have sex, but my wife can't get into it because she can't feel sexy. |
t3_e6mgy | relationships | Need advice for my first ever date. | Throwaway account.
I'm a 22y/o male who was until recently, very "forever alone". I was too unconfident and scared of rejection to ask a girl out, had mostly male friends... Basically typical reddit user stereotype.
Earlier this year, I made the decision to get off my ass and do something about being "forever alone". I slowly began talking to people I didn't know, developing social self-confidence and working on not giving a fuck about what other people thought of me, all with the goal of eventually getting a girl-friend, in line with some of the noob adice from r/seduction.
Recently it paid off. I started talking to a girl on the bus to work, and we hit it off, and talked for the entire trip. I ended up getting her number and as a friend on facebook. I asked her out via text and she agreed. We're getting drinks together later this week. She is near the same age as me, also early 20s if it matters.
The problem is that this will be the frist date I've ever been on in my life. I'm worried that I have no idea what to do, say and how to act. Please give any advice that you think will help. | Was antisocial loner, broke out of mold and asked girl on date. Never been on a date before and looking for advice, thanks. |
t3_1twawi | relationships | Me [27M] married to wife [26F], found out she is sort of cheating | I've been married to my wife for two years and today I just found out she is being blackmailed into sex with another man and seems to enjoy it. Shortly after being married we decided to give an open relationship a go as we were fairly promiscuous people, the only ground rules being no unsafe sex and no anal sex for either of us.
A month later she told me she wasn't interested any longer after seeing three guys as she preferred me. We left it at that and everything went back to normal with no issues.
This week she was acting strange and despite knowing it was wrong, I installed a keylogger on her laptop and gained access to her emails. I found out she had anal sex and unprotected sex with one of the men and he is using recorded footage to blackmail her into sex. It seems this has been going on for months and they meet to fuck every week or two - everything is in the emails and he is still filming her in increasing more and more incriminating situations (some included BDSM and others seem close to rape). Despite that it seems that she enjoys it and is actually taking initiative to organise meet ups half the time, I don't know what to think.
I feel humiliated and betrayed but at the same time slightly turned on. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me but a part of me doesnt want it to stop - some of the videos I've seen showed me a side of my wife I've never seen before. The guy also makes her dress up (lingerie, roleplay etc) which is something she never does for me
I have no idea what to do, I've already saved everything to a seperate HDD and will be getting checked for STI's. | Snooped on wife and found she was being blackmailed into sex |
t3_330him | relationships | My [18F] boyfriend [M19] of almost two years just blindsided me with a breakup right before exams | Title pretty much says it all. I had no idea we were having problems, haven't seen him the past couple days cuz he's been stressing out so I've been telling him how much I miss him etc and he's been saying the same. He told me he loved me all week, saw each other briefly on Wed. and he was fine. Initiated sex with me on Monday. Today I text him saying goodnight and good luck on his exam tomorrow when he sends me a text saying he's been thinking and his mom said something that made him realize he's not happy ??? Our anniversary (2 years) is on the 27th, he was talking about how excited he is just a couple days ago, just bought the gif etc. This honestly came out of nowhere and I know he's stressed with exams and his mom may have spooked him or something but I am completely broken up. I went to see him right after he texted me, we both cried etc and I basically begged him to take a couple days to think etc and he finally agreed, but I have exams next week and I honestly can't think of anything but him. He's my best friend and we usually spend everyday together, talk all day etc and this came so out of the blue .. I hurt so much and I have no one to talk to but him. He told me he still loves me when I asked how he feels.. and that he just thought of this in the last couple days but I saw him Wednesday so this all happened yesterday I assume.
he also said that I am his best friend (which is true) and he doesn't want to lose me and want us to still be close. I asked him how we could do this because I don't know how to be with him without loving him like I do and he says he doesn't know.. I know the advice is usually no contact but I honestly don't think I can keep myself alive without talking to him | boyfriend broke up(??) with me right before exams, I think his mom said something and I don't know how to cope or try to get him back. |
t3_19mbqg | relationship_advice | Should I [18/M] pursue this girl(18/F)? | Well heres the dealio, So last year around November, I was cruising facebook and this really attractive girl posted one of those "like for a inboxed to be honest" so i liked it.
She inboxed me "tbh i dont know you but youre really cute"
I didnt expect this so jumped at this chance, we talked via facebook for a few days then i scored a number and talked via text and phone calls. We planned on meeting for a coffee.
Well the day comes wen we planned on meeting, and she dropped off the face of the earth. No communication, i attempted several times to contact her and nothing.
Well i gave up after 2 weeks of no replies anyways, last month we had a VERY brief convo via a android APP called voxer.
So now were here, 2 days ago, that same status popped up (note she rarely uses facebook or other social sites) So for a laugh i liked it out of couriousity.
SO i got an inbox that says "tbh youre really cute, i enjoy talking to you, youre really sweet, and you have a great personality"
so im sitting here thinking wtf, so we chatted a bit and i texted for a short convo today and agreed we should meet up sometime.
WHATS THE DEALIO!? | talked to girl via facebook made plans, stopped talking last year, now talking again, what do i do? |
t3_423040 | relationships | I just discovered that my [21F] ex SO [25M] was cheating. | Yesterday two mutual friends told me that by ex-boyfriend (who broke up with me about a week ago) had been cheating on us for the last month of our relationship. My ex and his new girlfriend are now in a happy, stable and committed relationship.
I know I should move on, and I will eventually, but in the meantime I really want to make his life hell. He cheated and ended up in a better position, and now I'm alone and all miserable.
I have confronted him about it. He keeps using excuses like, "Everyone was talking about it, I just assumed you knew" or "We hadn't slept together for days before it happened. I figured we weren't exclusive."
I want to see him in person to talk it out. We work quite closely together so I can't just ignore him for the rest of my life. I don't want to get back together with him. I just want to have some sort of closure.
What should I be doing? Will seeing him help me move on? | My ex cheated. How can I get closure? |
t3_qjk70 | dating_advice | [18F] How do I go about dating other people...(more inside) | I went on a date with a great guy I met on OkCupid, we'll call him Jim. I really liked talking to him but meeting him really locked it down for me, and I realized "Hey, I really like this guy!" But because I'm not really sure how he feels about me, and I think he might still be dating other people, I don't want to sit around waiting like a weirdo for him to give me a sign as to whether or not he is feeling me the way I feel him.
I've been asked out by a couple of guys, for dinner, or just to hang out, and I just can't seem to get myself to want to, because i'd rather be around Jim. Jim and I have only been talking for about a month and have hung out about 3 times but after the initial dinner date, I've initiated contact/hanging out more than he. I'd love to see if he's really interested and if this will go anywhere, but I feel like I'm in a weird in-between moment of just waiting. | How do I get myself to slowly let go of the guy I really, really like and enjoy being around, so that I can comfortably go on dates with other guys? |
t3_3v1mt9 | relationships | Me [25/F] had an abortion with [28 M] and I don't know where we stand now | I (very) recently had an abortion with a guy that I knew for a little over a month. We never talked about what we were looking for or where we were heading.
But I am now even more confused as too where we stand (on top of being very emotional and hormonal after the abortion) Should I bring this up with him and if so, how? I do like him and would like to continue to see him but I have no idea how he feels about me.
He was supportive, he took me to the appointment, I stayed at his place for the weekend after etc. But even so, Im feeling extremely needy after the procedure and would like more attention from him, he takes a few hours to respond to texts, goes away on business etc. I also feel like this is more difficult on me having going through the physical and emotional part, while I know it was hard for him as well emotionally he still goes out with his friends and I feel like he can easily get over this faster. | Had an abortion with a guy I knew for a month, and I don't know where we stand now. How should I bring this up or should I even? |
t3_2f5lpt | tifu | TIFU by playing Pokemon | Okay, so my fiancee was supposed to come over to my house today because I was going to go take her to a movie. She lives about 20 minutes away, and the movie we were supposed to see started at 4:15, which was in about 40 minutes. I figured "cool, I'll just play Pokemon while I wait".
So I'm playing Pokemon, and having a pretty damn good time. Anyway, she finally does show up, except she's crying as she walks into my room. Instead of doing the right thing by comforting her, I half-focus on my game and her. She starts telling me her cat died, and just as she was getting into it, I get into a random encounter in my game.
A shiny pidgey. Holy shit. (For those of you who don't know/care, shiny Pokemon have less than a 1/1,000 chance of appearing; 1/8192 to be exact.). I stare into my screen in amazement, yelling "holy shit, YES", interrupting her mid-story. She sobs more, and she starts to yell "You don't even fucking care! YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY YOUR FUCKING GAME!" I'm still looking at my screen, still focusing on catching my shiny Pidgey, when she walks over, and tosses the game against the wall. I run over and pick up my DS hoping that nothing has changed on screen, and quickly noticed that she broke it. My system and my shiny Pidgey, gone forever.
I start screaming every obscenity I know, and started flailing my arms around. I didn't know she was behind me, and apparently I backhanded her in the face while I was being a dumbass and swinging my fists around. She yells out "FUCK YOU", and runs out of my house in tears.
What have I done? I've fucked up so badly, and I need to know how to approach her. I don't want a game of Pokemon to be responsible for ruining my best relationship ever. | A shiny Pidgey may have destroyed my only chance at marriage. |
t3_4f9dn6 | loseit | Positive self-talk and motivation. | I've always struggled with self image, body image, negative self talk, etc. I'm sure many of you have too. I've had two break-through positive self-talk moments in the past couple of weeks and I wanted to share, and see what you guys do to encourage yourselves, the type of motivation you use, etc.
So about 3 weeks ago I had to take my fitness test for wild land firefighting. We take it every year to make sure everyone is in shape, and it's always really difficult for me - 3 miles in 45 minutes with a 45 lb pack (>30% of my bodyweight), no running allowed. I'm really short with short legs so yeah, hard. I spent literally 45 minutes on the verge of giving up, breathing like I was giving childbirth (I assume), but pushing myself with literally every step. At one point I started talking out loud to myself, like "lets go Passerina, you can do it" "LETS FUCKING GO" and people probably thought I was crazy (I was on a public walking path) but it really worked, especially for that last minute!
Today I was mountain biking and, I'm really bad at it. But I'm trying to get better, and I make myself do it once a week so it becomes more fun and less struggle bus. I had some tough climbs and I kept having to stop, and finally decided to just slow down - lowest gears possible, super slow cadence, and just talking to myself like - "its not a race. It's practice." "You don't need to be better than anyone else, just better than you were yesterday." And I noticed that I'm having a much easier time getting started facing uphill, which I couldn't even do a month ago, so I'm congratulating myself on that. Anyways once I started doing that talking, I enjoyed myself so much more, I was more focused on the present rather than getting to the top of the hill. Talking out loud also slowed my pace down to where I wasn't going too fast or breathing too hard, burning myself out then having to stop. | I made it through tough physical and emotional barriers with positive self talk! How do you all motivate yourselves in a positive way? |
t3_2j3hhv | relationships | My (20M) friend (20F) sends things that make me a little uncomfortable. | My friend sends me rings, heart, and other emoji's of that sort and calls me bae. I never cared much but last week a reevaluated how I feel about her and now I'm just confused. She also calls me bae for some reason but tonight she went on Tinder and was annoyingly talking about her matches. I don't know why she would do that or the emoji thing, I don't think she likes me but typically I don't have a clue. Any advice, particularly from girls about whether or not they would do these kinds of things because they like someone or if she's just an odd one. | friend sends emojis that make me kind of uncomfortable and acts weird sometimes like none of my other female friends do. |
t3_ok6z4 | AskReddit | Help me, please? | okay, so basically my parents have gotten to the point of me not being able to tolerate them any longer. I don't have control over any aspect of my life. I have a curfew of 7 pm on weekends, 4 pm on school nights, no going to girls houses ever no matter what my intentions (friends that are female, friends that are male and have similarly aged siblings that tag along, girlfriend even if her parents are home), no having more than $5 dollars on me at any one time unless I'm in a shopping mall and they are present in the building, and the one thing that pisses me off more than anything; the fact that I'm 17 and I'm not allowed to stay up past 10. They literally take my ipod, phone (which i payed and still pay the bill for), and Ps3 and entire entertainment unit out of my room. If you're still reading, cats. | mum and stepdad are total cunts to me in way of thinking ill be growing up to be a fuck up just like pa, what do I do to escape their attitude and ways of thinking? |
t3_2uzsgt | offmychest | Entering a Long-distance thing with a friend. Let's do this! | Wow. You're amazing. I'd rather work through a long distance relationship with you and continue to get to know you on a personal level than go on dates with men who are in my city. You and I are only four hours away from each other so we can make this work. And honestly, the amount of in-depth communication you and I had over the last four days in person on top of the texts and talking over the last few weeks, is proof that you are into me for the right reasons and I'm so excited to get to know you more and more. Our families already know each other and you've met one of my friends in my city and it just feels so natural. Sure, we both believe it's too good to be true but maybe it's not. Maybe this is what it's supposed to be like. As for the reasons why it could get awkward, we are both mature adults and I think we have the support of many people and we'll just see what happens. It didn't work out with me and my ex but I hold no ill feelings toward him and it's time to move on and enjoy the amazing energy that both you and I bring to the table. I won't see you for 5 weeks but we can make this work, I have no doubt in my mind. I'm coming off all of the dating websites and essentially telling two guys I was dating that I'm interested in my good friend and we are going to see each other exclusively. Thank you for being awesome and such a kind, genuine, generous, sweet, lovely, fun, intelligent, hard-working, man. I am I shock you care for me the way you do but oh, so happy. Let's do this. | seeing a friend of mine who I've known for a few years and it's an interesting way that we met but he's amazing and I'm happy were going to try. It's long distance but I have faith. |
t3_nrd9x | AskReddit | Successful people of reddit: How did you motivate yourself/focus to accomplish long term goals? | Throwaway account. I have made some personal improvements in my life the past year. I lost a decent amount of weight, improved my social skills, etc. but all of these achievements were the result of anywhere from a few days to a few months of commitment. I still have a problem with working towards long term goals. I need to go back to school and finish my degree, work on my music, and make a concerted effort to get a better job. Instead, I occupy my down time with too much internet and TV in order to bide time until the next "big distraction".
Case in point, for the past couple months I've been looking forward to my week of holiday vacation and hanging out with friends who I haven't seen in a long time. That's all ended, and now I sit here depressed that they're headed back home, I'm going back to my job that has zero opportunity for advancement, and I have nothing to show for these past 2 months when I could have been earning credits or working on music production.
So successful people, what techniques helped you slowly but surely get to where you are today? | I need to stop living for the now, and focus on the future. Suggestions on how to do this would be appreciated. |
t3_2rmynb | relationships | Me [32/F] with my niece [27/F] 5 years duration, we work together and she is awful at her job | My niece (husbands sisters daughter) and I work for the same company. I get on really well with her. Except she is awful at her job.
I am not her boss, but I am one step further into the chain of command iykwim. Part of my job is to identify problems and make improvements. This means a lot of reviewing everyone else's work.
Lately it has been very time consuming when I've needed to help my niece as she makes such a big mess of things. It's laziness and just plain not having the skill for it.
Today I got frustrated and complained to our boss about her work. He agrees with me. But now I feel terribly guilty.
It's not even that she's my niece, I just feel bad that I complained about someone to their boss.
Is it a crappy thing to do or is it sometimes necessary? | feeling guilty after complaining about my niece to our boss |
t3_2cfp8q | tifu | TIFU by accidentally sexting friend, being upfront about it | Let me explain. This technically started yesterday. I had gone to meet some friends at a bar. I had never been to this place so I had to text one friend about where the place was located. I finally found them and we were just chilling out having a few beers. At some point while I was there with my bros I decided to text this girl I've been seeing with the ol "What are you wearing?" line. She never responded, which seemed odd but that's fine.
Today I'm going through my texts, and I noticed I accidentally texted the "What are you wearing" line to my friend I had been texting about directions yesterday. I immediately text an apology to him and explain I was trying to sext with my girl. He's like, "Oh. Uhh, that's cool I thought you were just trying to find me at the bar by what I was wearing." | I unnecessarily admitted to my bro I was trying to sext while we were hanging out. |
t3_2ndq23 | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] two years, how to deal with different commitment levels. | I am a senior in college set to graduate in a month but she still has 2 years of school left. I am ready to start settling down and having a serious relationship and every time we have talked about this she has agreed. We have even talked about a time frame for getting engaged, and married. She wants to wait until she graduates to get married, which means getting engaged at the beginning of her senior year. I totally respect that idea and honestly it will end up saving us money in the long run which I am always for. However her actions aren't matching what she says.
Earlier this year I expressed that I wanted to start spending some holidays together and she can't seem to understand why I want to do that and ultimately told me flat out no we aren't going to spend thanksgiving together this year. I should also mention that we go to school in different cities an have a 2 hour drive in between us. We have tried to stick to seeing each other every other week this semester and it has worked out pretty well.
When she told me she didn't want to spend the holiday together I mentioned that I was concerned because we had talked about getting engaged in about six months but she wasn't committed enough to want to spend the holiday together and she said she had nothing to say other than maybe she wasn't as committed as I was to the relationship.
I love her so much but it's starting to really scare me because I feel like she isn't ready to totally devote herself to the relationship while I am ready to start my true adult life, aka not college life, and form a deeper relationship. Am i blowing this up to more than it is or should I truly be worried? | Girlfriend and I are at different commitment levels in the relationship, should I be worried or am I making this a bigger deal than it is? |
t3_1px61f | personalfinance | I now understand why people start hooking | I was living with my ex boyfriend up until about 6 months ago. He was cheating, we were on and off for two years, and he got really violent towards the end. I'm a young single mother, and I received my ex husbands tax return for all the back child support he owed. I used this to finally get out of the bad situation I was in. I got my own apartment with my son, and I had rent covered for a few months with what was left. I was only getting his child support payments. I was hoping to have a job before I ran through my savings. I just got my cna license and it took me a lot longer than expected to finally find a job. I do have one now (yay!) But I am negative $100 in my bank account and I just got a notice saying I have to pay $1000 by the 8th or the eviction process will be started. I don't qualify for a loan because my credit is horrible (thanks to my ex husband). My mom has been helping me out but she won't anymore because I haven't been able to pay anything back yet. I have no idea how I am going to keep my apartment. Any ideas are very much welcomed, I need to figure something out before I'm kicked out. Its really hard because I know if I could figure this month out, I'll be able to get on top of things from here on out. | I'm broke and need to figure out how to pay everything. If I didn't have self respect I would start hooking. That's only kind of a joke. |
t3_lpcwl | AskReddit | Reddit, does anybody ever think that /politics can be moderated better? | I was unsubscribed to politics because at first I didn't want to be angered by the bias that would run rampant in a particular subreddit. Well, I wasn't logged on one day, and you know the story. Posts were upvoted to the front page, leading me to the subreddit. To be frank, I was a little bit surprised about how biased it was.
Now, I'm not saying that I disagree with liberals, but rather I'm trying to convey that the subreddit RARELY ever provides both sides. It gives sensationalized posts that just gets people to grab their pitchforks. So, reddit, do you guys think this is a problem? Is there a way to solve this or is it better to just unsubscribe? | I feel that /politics is biased and may push people the wrong way without educating anybody with all the facts to let them form their own opinion. |
t3_109hyo | AskReddit | A question for the physicists re: the universe & life | I was watching this:
And around the 18-minute mark, it got to discussing the cosmological constant and the impossibly tight circumstances that allow us to arise and exist. As I understand it, it steps out of this problem by positing there are other universes, and we're just the one where life arises.
But isn't it just as feasible that under different rules of physics, some kind of pattern would emerge that eventually sifts itself into consciousness? I'm not talking about life made from crystals or energy or whathaveyou; just that if you're going to argue our very existence is a patterned detail of a fractal randomness, isn't it the case that some similar complexity would emerge in any dynamic universe, whatever its rules?
Yes, I know that if the fundamental rules were different, hydrogen couldn't form, etc. etc. but wouldn't something totally different occur, or would all the universe just be an inert pile of information?
Sorry, I didn't even take basic Newtonian physics, so I'm probably muddling the question. But basically it's the puddle argument: the puddle thinks the hole is perfectly shaped to fit its existence, not realizing that if the hole were deeper or shaped otherwise, a different puddle would exist there? It just seems to me like science is using an anthropomorphic argument similar to the religious ones the program begins by refuting. | Why do the conditions that lead to our existence seem so mathematically impossible when we know they exist? If they were different, wouldn't something different probably exist? |
t3_2xzwwg | relationship_advice | Need tips on how to ask shy housemate out without affecting our housemate relationship? | Hi everyone,
I [23/M] need tips on how to ask my shy housemate [24/F] out without affecting our housemate relationship?
She is incredibly shy and only opens up to a few people. She is a pure introvert and likes to stay at home all the time doing her own things. I have fallen for her and we are always happy spending time together.
Is there a way/trick/strategy/etc... to ask her out on a date or even just to see if she likes me back?
------------
Last weekend we went ice-skating together with a group of friends since there was a group discount. She also has not touched her personal ice-skating shoes in 2 years if that might be a reason for her to go with me. I flirted a little with her at the event but not sure if she knows. She also touched my arms and pointed out how veiny i was. Don't know if that was her way of flirting. Sorry, I just can't read shy girls so I need some help. I also don't want to make things awkward since i live with her. Our lease still has 3 more months left. | I think I am falling in love with my shy housemate but don't know how to find out if it is safe to ask her out without making things awkward. |
t3_ll74z | BreakUps | I need help, and advice. I'm lost and need help from reddit, because I'm in way over my head emotionally. | [original post on 2X](
A little bit more background here. We are both in our early 20's. Breaking up with her virtually destroyed me, though not immediately. I felt so guilty and ashamed of leaving that I withdrew from the world entirely. And I couldn't talk to her, because I simply couldn't bring myself to face her after what I had done; the shame was too great. Unfortunately, it didn't subside enough to the point where I could bring myself to talk to her for over a year. Not until last night.
Now she has e-mailed me back, and I feel even more lost than I did last night.
Here is her reply:
>Hello S,
>
>If there is anything you need to say to me or you feel you need to clear your conscience we can meet. I, >however, have nothing to say to you. I will assume you have my number still and of course my email so you can >feel free to suggest a meeting date and time. I will chose where.
>
>J
I know that I should have expected this. Why in hell would she want anything to do with me all this time later? Why would she want to talk to a fuck-up like me? I should have let it lie, but for some reason I can't.
I don't know what to do reddit. I don't know what to think. I can hardly feel anything but emotionally crushed. I'm half considering trying to talk to her aunt (J lived with her most of her life), because she at least might be able to give me guidance with a full knowledge of the other half of the situation.
Am I crazy? Stupid?
I hate to sound like I'm begging, but I am. I am lost, and truly need help. | please read it. It's not that long, and I really do need the help. |
t3_2vcqhr | relationships | Me [17 M] struggle with rejection | Not really as much as rejection, but here's the scenario.. I hooked up with this beautifulllll girl at my school, and I'm pretty sure that's all she wanted.. For some reason, I don't even know her very well and didn't know her at all before hooking up with her, I'm like really genuinely dissapointed all she wanted was a hook up (I think at least). I'm a good looking kid, but definitely suffer from low self esteem and such..
Basically my problem is that even just by measly hooking up with a girl I'll develop feelings for them, when to everyone else it's just a hookup and they move on.. Am I just an emotional guy? I really am struggling with this, as pathetic as it sounds. I barely know this girl but feel like I should be with her.. And just this past weekend she hooked up with one of my good friends, so I know I'm jsut a thing of the past now. Sigh.. | I can't just "hookup" why is this. I become emotionally attached |
t3_2b7h38 | relationships | My [18M] GF[18F] of a month (and her best friend) were sent vulgar and creepy message by a mutual (male) friend, and my guy friends seem to care little. | I've been together with my girlfriend for a bit over a month now. This isn't essential to the problem but it's relevant. M is the dude.
It all started about four/five months ago. I was in the same class as this girl (for all my courses, foreign school system) and we live pretty close so obviously we got along. I'm also pretty familiar with her best friend. One day, before we were together or dating, her best friend told me that M had been telling them some pretty creepy stuff. I kinda shrugged it off. I believed them but I expected them to know how to react too it.
Now after a month of dating my girlfriend told me what M actually said to her. It all comes down that he's got some problems. He would adress both of them nearly everday. He'd try to get them both to cheat on their current boyfriends and would describe the ways he'd bang their brains out, doing them both at the same time with literally zero respect. At that time he was going on/off with his own girlfriend. I didn't know it was this bad.
So I told my group of friends what happened. They all agree that it's pretty fucked up but only two of my friends think it's our place to actually tell him that's fucked up and if he doesn't even bother apoligising he shouldn't consider us friends anymore. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. One of my friends advised him to just apoligise but just asked why, stating he didn't do anything wrong. That same friend just left it there. He still interacts with him like usual.
They still invite him to their parties, they still talk to him even when I'm there, or my gf/her best friend. I don't wanna punish them but what can I do? Nobody's in a better position to make him realise he did something wrong, but none of them are even bothering. | My GF (18/F) and her best friend were sent very vulgar and sexist message, intimidating them to cheat on their boyfriends, telling them how brutal he'd fuck them, threesomes, creepy shit, the whole shabang. He doesn't think he did anything wrong and sadly most of my group of friends don't feel like telling him it's wrong or even taking any action (as in ignoring him or whatever). I don't feel comfortable around M nor does my GF or her friend. What should I do? |
t3_510y4g | relationships | What do I believe?? A web of lies... | Bear with me, this is a little long. Ok! So I'm [23F]new to Reddit but my boyfriend [26M] has been on here for years. I was looking through his overview to find little things to possibly poke fun at him for (like silly replies, truly innocent stuff) when I saw something be posted with the title "I [25M] saw the girl [25F] who I had a crush on in highschool yesterday" now I'm shaking at this point, and I click it. The original post is gone along with a comment of his but the replies are along the lines of "text her and ask her out, what's the worst that could happen" to which he responded "texting away as we speak I appreciate the response!" Other people are saying "let us know what happens OP!" It said it was from 1 year ago (we have been officially dating for around a year and a half with at least 9 months before that where he was kind of dicking me around and playing head games with me). So I ask him what the fuck is this post? Right off the batC he says "nothing happened" and tried to say I was being crazy for being in his Reddit. I start to cry and then he says we (me and him) weren't together (wrong), then it was we(him and her) were just texting saying hey, I don't remember where I even saw her, I don't remember, I don't remember. Ok now as you can imagine I'm livid. After all that, he changes his story and says he made the ENTIRE post up because he felt like he needed to post something and was bored. Said he lied about the initial lies because saying he made it up sounded dumb and desperate. If you were me, WTF would you do/what do you believe? | found a post about my boyfriend seeing a crush from high school but post is deleted. Some comments remain with things like text her! And go for it! And a comment of his saying he's texting her. He lied, then lied about his lie saying he made the entire post up and none of it happened, what would you do if you were me? |
t3_xulg2 | relationships | Boyfriend wants to be a firefighter. I want to be supportive but I'm more worried than anything. | My boyfriend approached me about him wanting to join a local volunteer fire department.
We've been together about 10 months and am planning on marriage.
I love him and want to support him in his endeavors. I really do.
However... being a fireman really makes me worry. My boyfriend is the kind of man who will stop on the side of the road if here is an accident. He is a natural helper. He's a hero. That's honestly one of the things that I love so much about it.
I admit I'm being selfish. I worried about being up all night wondering when or IF he's coming home. I worried about being woken up in the middle of the night. I'm worried about eventually when we have children... what's going to happen.
When he initially approached me about it... his decision was pretty much already made about re-joining so I felt bad about telling him I wasn't really comfortable with it. Mainly because I'm concerned about his safety.
I'm also upset because I feel like he didn't factor me into this decision at all. I mean... we have a wedding date set, our childrens names pretty much picked out... shouldn't I have at least been a factor in this?
Or am I being crazy and do I need to get over myself and support my boyfriend?
Also... I will support him regardless. My question really is that am I allowed to be upset that I feel like I wasn't a factor in his decision? | Is it wrong of me to be upset because I feel like I wasn't a factor in my boyfriends decision to join the fire department? |
t3_2c8oud | relationships | I've [26 F] stopped singing after my boyfriend [27 M] laughed at me | This seems like a stupid problem but it's been bothering me for the last two months despite my attempts to work things out. My boyfriend of three years and I like singing aloud to songs together whenever we're in the car, and we're in the car together a lot. A couple months ago we were singing along to "Kick in the Teeth" and when I got to that line I accidentally sung "kick in the face" instead. He started laughing and I asked him why, thinking that maybe he made the same mistake as me. He tells me that, no, it was funny that I seemed so confident when I said the wrong word, and especially after all the times I've heard the song and the fact that it's the title.
The thing is, I've always been really self-conscious about singing because my parents would criticize my singing, and I've never had a good memory for songs and usually listen to the chorus before I start so I remember how it goes. I would've found it funny too if I had said a funnier word, but I don't find it funny that he was laughing at my confidence. I was also shocked because it seemed really out of the blue for him to make fun of me, he's never done it before or since. I told him all this and he finally said he understood why I didn't like it and wouldn't laugh at me again, but he'd still find it funny and would laugh if it happened to someone else. Ever since then, I haven't felt comfortable singing with him, and it makes me upset to hear him still singing along.
I want to feel comfortable singing out loud again and I don't know how. It was one of my favorite parts of our relationship. We've tried communicating about it and it hasn't gotten us anywhere. I don't know if I should just get over it on my own, but if so I don't know how. Or, if you would've been offended too, how else can I explain to him that it really wasn't funny? | Ever since my boyfriend laughed at how I confidently made a mistake while singing, I haven't felt comfortable doing one of my favorite activities. |
t3_xvw6t | AskReddit | Dear Reddit. What is one thing that pisses you off about your government? | Today I seen some lady use her EBT card for food which contained a shit load of unhealthy food, and she had a balance of almost $2000.00 left... Who in the hell needs $2000.00 for food a MONTH? That is more than I even make in a month and she gets that for food. So the government takes that money out of my check a month so she can feed her fat ass Doritos, and pop tarts, while I'm buying generic brand frosted flakes and struggling to pay off my school loans.
I just don't think it's right, I mean some people do need help, and not everyone abuses the system. But come on.. Who reallys needs $2000 a month to feed themselves.? My mom and dad raised 4 kids on a budget of probably less that $500 for food.
Also, I know it's not always the case, but come on, if you can't feed/afford your kids don't have any! I'm having a bad day and this pissed me off so I needed to vent. | Government in US gives crazy amount of money for food to people who don't work, but people who do, struggle and starve. Just isn't right. |
t3_27f4qm | relationships | Me [25/F] with my boyfriend [29M] together short of 2 years just broke up again. I feel like I can't... | I don't know what to do. I feel helpless and hopeless and scared. This wasn't supposed to end like this. When people promise things...Why don't they mean them? Why is it so easy for a guy to tell you that they want to be with you and then change suddenly? After the first break up for two months, he comes back to you and tells you he knows that he wants you. That he wants children with you and tells you what he wants to name them. Tells you that he is 100% sure with no doubt that he wants to marry you. Then after 6 months back together, he convinces you that he wants to move in with you.That this was the first step to "our future."
And then 4 months later he says "promises are broken all the time." That he changed his mind. I sacrificed my relationship with my family knowing that they didn't like him. Knowing that in moving out, I might lose them. He said he would be my support and my "family." I believed him.... But love makes you do stupid things. Looking into a guy's eyes and believing his words...his "no-doubt" tone. And then they fail you. "Relationships are hard work" and "love takes effort" and "It's too hard." You feel disposable...like an experiment gone wrong. He doesn't cry and he doesn't feel. He's like a child that doesn't want responsibility and got bored of his toy. You feel confused because two nights before he made love to you and and last night he told you he loved you. Hearing that he "might change his mind" and is "unsure" of whether this is the right decision makes everything worse...
What could I have done to make it better? Why do I feel unlovable? And not worth the "hassle?" | I broke up with my live-in bf and the above is a rant of sorts. I'm feeling a lot of pain, disappointment and I don't know how to deal with a relationship gone wrong again... |
t3_3cowty | relationships | Should I [17m] trust my friend [18m] after he made horrible jokes about my gf? | So this is going to be a short post. The other day my friend was in a skype conversation with me and my gf. Apparently they decided to prank me by making jokes about how they were going to make out when I left on vacation. HE then went way too far and started describing how they were going to have sex after I left. At this point my gf fell silent as she did not want to participate in the heavy of pranking. He texted me the next day that he was really sorry and he took it too far.
My question is even though it was a joke how do I stop thinking that's what he wants. He has expressed multiple times that he does not want sex until he is at least a junior in college and he has also expressed interest in another girl for the past 2 years. Even with those facts everything he said he was going to do haunts me in my dreams nightly. How do I move on from this joke and reassure myself nothings going on. | friend made a terrible joke. I can't get over it. |
t3_47bvwp | relationships | [20sM] and [20sM]. He is getting a promotion that I want and I'm having conflicting emotions. | So my boyfriend and I (both male and in our early 20s) have been together just over 2 years and mostly met through a volunteer organisation. We are both extremely dedicated to said organisation and spend most weekends and every Wednesday running our local unit. He is currently the unit manager and I run events lead and youth lead (it is a medical events based volunteering organisation). The current dilemma is that due to wider plans I don't think our local unit will survive (the building is being sold and I can't commute to the nearest other building - I already commute 45 mins one-way every week and weekend for it! The other building is 1hour 15 and that's just too much for me.) He has just applied to become area manager which allows him to detach himself from the mess and wants me to become unit manager.
We are both currently students - I study medicine and he studies paramedic science. I am significantly more driven and competitive and I usually push him to do things that will benefit him.
On one hand I feel that I should be supportive but on the other, I feel jealous and spiteful that he is leaving me with a failing unit while he goes to chomp on the greener grass. Moreover, I basically run the show anyway as he is fairly lazy when it comes to getting things done so I am the main driver for the recent successes of the unit. I know I would make a better area manager than him. (Also, I have done a Law degree prior with industry placement so I know my way around paperwork and admin!)
I am conflicted in my thoughts - an area manager promotion would look amazing on my CV and would stand me in good stead for applications further down the line. He also plans to go into some kind of managerial role sometime down the line too but is significantly less driven than I am (like comparing a potato and red bull). Am I feeling crazy for being really jealous and also for thinking him as being a bit douchey for leaving me with a failing unit?
I've spoken to it about him and basically sound bipolar and keep jumping from yes to no. I've asked my friends who are also a bit at a loss. Please help! | I want the promotion my boyfriend has applied to. Should I be happy or not? |
t3_27thro | relationships | A late bloomer [30M] having first world problems with a fwb [23F] of 3 months | I [30M] met this exchange student [23F] 2-3 months ago. We became friends and soon turned it into some sort of intense casual dating / fwb thing. We were spending a lot of time together, almost like a couple. But she told me straight up that she doesn't want a relationship, because she's leaving to go back to her home country. I'm generally looking for more than just a fwb relationship so at points I felt I should have probably ended it. I also developed some feelings for her, I'm just not sure if they are just friendly or also romantic. But I was thinking it's going to end soon anyways naturally + she's only my second sex partner ever, so I didn't end it.
Then she left about a week ago. We've been in contact pretty much every day still (email, skype, etc). From the communications I got the vibe that she is actually interested in a relationship now. We made some plans that I would visit her for a few days and also later spend a couple of weeks of my summer holiday to travel with her.
Before I booked the plane tickets I asked her how she feels. She pretty much told me she definitely doesn't want to be my girlfriend but really likes me as a friend (or a fwb). Ok... Now I've been feeling bad about the whole thing, but I'm not sure if it's because I have feelings for her or is it just my ego that got hurt. Also I've been getting rejected a lot lately so that doesn't help.
I'm torn if I should just end the relationship, but on the other hand I don't want to miss the opportunity to have a travelling companion (which is super rare for me) and have some new great experiences abroad. But on the other hand I'm not sure if I'm partly shooting myself in the leg if I don't end the relationship. | A FWB doesn't want a relationship and I'm not sure if I should cancel some planned cool adventures with her. |
t3_177gnc | relationships | Best friend[F18] of four years tries too hard not to lead me on[M18]. | I'll try to keep this as condensed as possible.
Started via texting. We confide in each other. Meeting each other went great. Our best times were sitting by the lake cuddling. She recently accepted her sexuality. We've hooked up.
She thinks I want her as a girlfriend. I don't. She doesn't believe me. This leads to her being unnecessarily mean in order to not lead me on. Ex. I'll ask her how I look and I'll get a negative or ambiguous response. She now avoids any physical contact for fear of leading me on.
This treatment has been detrimental to the way I view her and our relationship. It has tanked my confidence with other women. It's less about being there for each other and more about just being accepted. This means I'll attempt to cuddle or hook up even if neither of us want it.
I need to stop seeing her as an object and she needs to stop thinking I want her as a girlfriend, but it's impossible to do one without the other. How should we solve this problem? | How do you break a feedback loop of issues in a relationship? |
t3_1s0znb | relationships | I [19/M] have a crush on [17/F] and she gives me mixed signals | **background**: We first met around 3 weeks ago through a friend (CV) with who I went out just as a guys night. CV came to the bar with her (MF) and 2 of her friends and 2 guys I knew.
**main**: We started talking at the bar as I was staying at her side at got a little flirty and as a ice-breaker I made her a rose from a napkin (I tend to do those when I am totally bored or I really like somebody) and MF smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and said that it was cute and she will keep it. And we just talked about everything, from school to relationships and after about 2 hours we went home. She texted me when she got home.
Fast-forward 1 week.
I talked to her over the phone to see her after she finishes classes. I got in front of her high-school and waited her. She hugs me and we go to the bar we first met. Everything okay.
Fast-forward 1 week.
MF talks to me but with big delays (30 mins or more for texts/facebook). When I call her and make a joke about her being kidnapped in her own house she genuinely laughs and she tells me she didn't get the text but still wants to talk over the phone or texts (as I can't talk that much on the phone).
Fast-forward to now.
On some days she is very flirty with me but somedays she just takes the big NO sign in her arms. | I have a crush and I don't know if she is feeling this too or not. |
t3_1msg21 | offmychest | You got in and I did not. But you are still a pathetic loser and will get people killed one day. | Background info. You got into west point, i did not. I have better grades, better ACT, and we are = in athletics. You are a shitty leader with anger issues. I was not the best leader, and made some mistakes, but I learned from them. I have an open mind, you have a closed view where you think you are always right. Your anger and narcissism will get soldiers killed when you are an officer. I will try my best to lead the right way. I am still pursuing my path to become an officer, even after failing to get into west point. You said you would kill yourself if you diddnt get in. You play the political game (that is how you got into west point, by sucking cock). You suck up to superiors, and throw others under the bus to make yourself look good. You wonder why you have no personal friends.
You are an awkward fuck who will always fail on a social level. I remember when you drove 3 fucking hours to see this girl you went to a dance with, brought her flowers and chocolate and everything. And she brought her boyfriend... That is karma for every time you threw someone under the bus. You are the most beta fuck and lack confidence to truly be a good officer. I mean this in the most hurtful way possible, Fuck You, You arrogant fuck go take your cock sucking attitude out of the army because you will get soldiers killed one day. | you are a cocksucker |
t3_2i3s2v | tifu | TIFU by not being able to pee in front of someone, and cost myself a career in the military | (Throwaway because I've never told anyone this)
This actually happened about a year but fuck it. Anyway got myself in extreme shape to go to special operations training in the US Air Force. I worked out like a mother fucker every day for about a year. When I was finally in the shape I needed to be at I took the PAST and dominated it. Everyone was seriously impressed and I was sent to MEPS to be processed into the military so I could take another PAST to actually go to the special ops training after basic.
Everything was going fine and dandy and I even had someone look up my butthole. Even that didn't bother me because I knew it was going to happen so I trimmed my butt, made sure I didn't have any dingleberries, and all that stuff. Well next is time for the drug test.
I follow this dude into the bathroom and he tells me to take a piss and fill the cup up. I was like dude no problem. Well I'm standing there and nothing is coming out. A few minutes passed (felt like lightyears) and finally this guy told me to think about sex because apparently that can help you pee. It didn't. They even let me come back and try it again later and nothing. I told them I'd pay for a hair test, anything and they didn't let me. What made matters worse was I had to wait like 9 fucking hours for everyone else to finish because I got a ride with them and didn't drive myself. | I could do naked calisthenics, have someone look up my buttonhole, but I can't pee with someone watching me so I couldn't join the military. |
t3_10a9ag | Advice | I fucked up. | Basically, I had sex with one of my closest friends because we were both really drunk and it just happened. We promised each other it would remain secret from our other friends and we would just act like nothing happened. Well that was about a month or so ago and I recently found out that not only did he tell all of our friends, but he was extremely descriptive and bragging about it. Well I denied it, partly out of embarrassment, partly to get back at him for breaking my trust and our promise. Now it's a big deal to everyone and I'm freaking out as this could lose all of my friends but I really would do anything rather than admit it at this point. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel betrayed by this friend, and embarrassed because he gave out so much information about what happened. Advice would be good as long as its not telling me to confess because that's not an option anymore. | I fucked up, now I'm screwed. |
t3_359e6w | relationships | I [22f] dont know if I just told my boyfriend [25m] if I love him for the first time or not | We were talking on the phone and saying our goodbyes, and he called me back to ask what I had said. I told him that I had said 'bye, see ya later'. He said that he misheard me and thought I said 'bye, love you'. But thinking about it, I don't know if I did or not. Could I have said it completely unconsiously?
If I did, it wouldn't be a bad thing at all. But I genuinely can't think if I did or not. I do love him I was just waiting to tell him, or so I thought I was. I wanted to wait until the perfect time. Do you remember the first time you said 'I love you'? How did it happen, did it just slip out or was it planned? | Tell me the story of the first time you said 'I love you' |
t3_43ygtz | relationship_advice | [30/M] I'm worried I will end up cheating | -I [30/m] am currently in a serious and very happy relationship with a female who is about my age. We are not yet engaged but actively and openly talking about engagement and our future together. I love her and hope to be her husband one day.
-*but* I have a past, as many of us do. I was hurt by a girl in the past and throughout my twenties I used my charisma and looks to get back at her through all the other girls in the world. I fancied myself a playboy and bedded quite a few women. I've since realized how stupid that is BUT I still have a lot of tendencies from that time.
-My struggle now is that I find myself acting in this way without thinking. The event which triggered this post just happened an hour ago. I was staying late to help a relatively new co-worker [27/F] finish a project at work. She and I are friendly and I've definitely noticed her checking me out. I admit, I haven't let her know I have a girlfriend yet. Also, I was a bit buzzed as I was already working late and had 2-3 glasses of whiskey (acceptable in my office after about 9pm and she had a glass as well).
-Long story short, I offered to drive her home since it was late, ended up in her apartment for a nightcap and was on her sofa with her right up next to me. I could sense the tension in the air and thankfully I had a moment of clarity and realized I was about the sacrifice a future with the woman of my dreams for a night with a co-worker. BUT what scares me is that all the little steps that brought me to that sofa felt a bit like auto-pilot because I've done these exact 'moves' with dozens of girls before. | I used to be a womanizing d-bag. I love my girlfriend but I find myself automatically flirting with anything with breasts. |
t3_13269y | relationship_advice | Complex Issue: Me no want sexytimes... how can me bring back want of sexytimes? 30F & 27M (X-Post r/sex & r/relationships) | I've got a very complex sex problem.
I (30F) have been married to my partner (27M) for 3 years.
* We're new parents (~6 months).
* I am on three medications for depression and anxiety. I have little-to-no sex drive.
* I have Post Partum Anxiety Disorder.
* My husband is very well-endowed while I am small and have vaginismus.
* I am breastfeeding.
* My husband takes a very long time to finish (~45 minutes to an hour).
* I am tired and I have body issues (see 6 month baby).
* I don't enjoy giving head. ~~I used to not mind in my late teens and early-to-mid twenties... but now I just don't want to.~~ It takes too long.
On the other hand:
* I don't mind if he looks at pornography (I used to and would still if I had a sex drive).
* I have a fairly open mind.
* An open relationship would make me jealous. Please do not suggest it.
He's frustrated and feeling unloved. I don't blame him but I don't know what to do. ~~I feel like I'm okay with a sexless marriage and~~ I don't want ~~that~~ a sexless marriage for us. He's been so very understanding thus far.
I just want to know how to WANT to again. I don't WANT to be okay with no sex. :(
Thoughts? | He wants sex, I don't for various reasons. |
t3_1m0f4c | relationship_advice | I love her so much... but I'm unsure if I'm still IN love with her. Help? | Me: 26F, Gf: 27F, Relationship: 1.5 years
On paper, she's the perfect match for me. She's sweet, kind, giving, sooo thoughtful, funny, loyal, dedicated, honest, trustworthy. I trust her with everything and I can always count on her to be there for me.
Near the beginning of our relationship, I kind of spiraled out of control due to other reasons in life and I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It was really hard on me, on us, but she stayed with me and ensured that I got the help that I needed. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist and I have become SOOOO much better. I really owe it to her. She was supportive the entire time, even when it got really hard and always believed in me. She gave me the courage I needed.
So I'm really grateful for her for so many reasons. She's always been there for me in such a loving way.
But I'm starting to realize that I don't think I'm IN love with her anymore. I love her very much, admire her and respect her ... but... I don't think I'm in love with her. Lately, I find myself thinking that I don't want to be in a relationship with her.
I don't know why. She's great. I don't really have many complaints, they're small. And she loves me SO MUCH. She truly, deeply does ... so I feel bad. I want to give her what she deserves - she deserves so much - but I just .... I feel like I can't. I don't know why. Is this maybe a temporary thing? I've been feeling it for a couple weeks now. Maybe it's just temporary. I don't know.
Anyone been in a similar situation? Does the feeling go away or does it tend to be truth? | I'm in a relationship with someone great and I love her very, very much .... but I don't think I'm IN love with her anymore and I don't know why. |
t3_2zk0si | relationships | Me [28 M] Why is it so hard to watch my ex [26F] move on? | After I broke up with my ex we agreed to keep in touch on her request. I ended up kind of fishing through our conversation if she had started seeing someone else and she said she is just talking to someone at work. It hurt my feelings to know she is moving on despite the fact that I was the one who broke up. Why??? Just Why am I upset? I don't know its hard for me to keep in touch because I wonder about things and I want to ask but I don't want to get upset but when I ask I get upset and then she gets upset because I don't have any right to be upset? | Mandatory summary/question! |
t3_3bsowu | relationship_advice | Im [17M] very insecure of asking her [16F] out(Parents and School pressure of getting a gf) | But first, let me talk about myslef for a bit. Till 15 i had been kinda of a social outcast. Stayed in home and played videogames online with my friends.Got bullied in school and etc. So, my mom formed this image of me and has always pressured me (imagine, my sis has a bf and all of my cousins are with a girl right now). Since this, i have been trying to change myself (being more social, meeting people, going out, being more secure of myslef). My mom still has this image of me though and i think it won't change till i arrive home with a female.
So, i have been coursing English with this new girl for ab out 3 months now. We go to the same High School but she is 1 year lower. Becuase of this we often talk in class. We both are going to study Enginering so we kinda have the same interests.
By now you are thinking: Man, why haven't you asked her out yet? Well, because everytime i think of it the social pressure comes to me. Is kind of awkard having a gf in a lower high school course. Im afraid if we enter in a relationship everyone will mock us. Yes, i know guys i have insecurity problems.
And also im not sure if i like her or im just to desperate to get a gf. I have never been in a relationship and don't knwo what it feels like | Very insecure of asking her out. Maybe im too desperate to get a gf. Maybe its my parents pressure that is pushing me. Im afraid of how to realtionship is going to be taken in our school. Im confused |
t3_etjc0 | relationship_advice | My girlfriend is allergic to me | Okay so I'm not really used to commenting/posting on here, far more comfortable just lurking but this situation is spiralling down pretty quickly.
I've really fallen for this girl and she's admitted the same feelings for me but there are a lot of hurdles getting in the way. Her last boyfriend cheated on her a few times and its created this issue with her. Basically, she says she trusts meand I believe her but she is very, very, reactive whenever I appear to pay attention to anyone else. I'm not talking about a romantic interest or anything, I mean when I make plans with my platonic friends whom I've known for over a decade, regardless of their sex or relationship status.
When I mention that I'll be hanging out with someone, she has a panic attack. Whenever there's an issue her heart starts racing and she gets knots in her stomach, it gets to the point where she can't do anything. She's on medication for anxiety. Its a stop-gap measure, the pills calm her down but they do nothing to prevent the attacks.
She admits she has this issue, and I'm trying to work with her on this, but right now the only solution seems to abandoning my friends for her. That's not exactly something I want to do.
So...help? | Girlfriend has a panic attack whenever I mention that I have friends. |
t3_20rflo | relationships | I[19M] might have created a misunderstanding with a girl[19F] I like. | I've been having issue with a girl that I like, last week I had to deal with a friend being sad because they lost a beloved family member. It meant multiple calls at nigh and sometimes midnight trains to their place to help them feel better. Needless to say I was stressed, other than that I've been talking to this really nice girl. We seemed to get along well, so I asked her on a date for Saturday. She said she was free so we agreed to that day, fast forward to about Friday, I asked her if she was still up for Saturday. She said she couldn't because something came up due to school.
That's cool, I mean things happen and it's no ones fault. Just reschedule and leave it at that. That's how I thought I was coming off but I guess it wasn't mutual. To be honest it felt like she wasn't meeting me halfway when try to reschedule and I expressed that. I said that if she honestly just didn't want to go out with me that I would have appreciated the honesty. Now this lead to a bit of a misunderstanding where she thought I was implying that she wasn't being entirely honest with me. I didn't really notice that I had done that until after she mentioned it.
It's just that my mind had been really preoccupied and honestly I was looking forward to a nice day out after such a shitty week so maybe i felt a little more upset than usual. I of course apologized and explained that I hadn't been myself for a couple days due to this unforeseen circumstance. I think she's mad, she hasn't really texted me back since Friday, I got some advice form a friend of mine (who is a girl) that maybe she was waiting for me to make the first move in contact so i texted hi a day ago but so far it's been nothin.
I just don't really know what to do at this point. I feel as if the only thing I can do now is just wait it out and she if she texts back. But that makes me feel so powerless, I've always been one to take charge in situations and this waiting period is just adding onto stress that i already had. | Been Stressed due to a friends grief, was upset a girl cancelled plans for out date. Now she's mad. |
t3_24ii9k | relationships | Me (22F) and ex (22M) together 3.5 years. Apart 6 months, we exchanged hurtful words to each other and now my confidence is shaken. | So I had a conversation about a week ago with my ex (22M) and since then I can't get his words out of my head.
Basically we were just talking about what we had been up too and he starts talking about his FWB. This really pissed me off and got me hot headed since I know her and was always aware that she liked him. So i naturally start being hurtful and saying mean things about her.
In response he starts being mean to me. He basically insults everything he can about me. Without going into too much details he insults my body, personality, intelligence, telling me how his FWB is sexually better. And then ends with how I will find some "lucky" guy who's perfect for me. With extreme sarcasm in his voice.
Idk why but all these things have been eating away at me since then. He was someone I trusted and shared a lot of things with that I don't tell anyone. I really felt like he was someone that knew me better then I knew myself. I know I shouldn't let his words get to me, but I guess its just easy for someone you care about to do this to you.
I feel like my whole confidence is shaken. | got into a disagreement with ex which led to him saying everything he could and knew would shake my confidence and make me feel like shit. |
t3_30ec9v | relationships | I know a dirty little secret. What do I do? My Close Family Member[30'sF] is cheating on her husband [30'sM]. | I don't want to reveal myself. too many family redditors. details have been changed.
They have been married over 5 years and there are kid(s).
My close family member (not my blood side of the family) accidentally revealed to me on Saturday that after a decade not seeing him, she is meeting her EX this week.
I thought it might be a harmless catching up on old times type thing, she asked me not to tell and I promised her I would not tell anyone so as not to stir up trouble. We've always been friends. Or so I thought. I did this on the condition she keeps me informed of what she's doing for her own safety and such. My gut tells me the worst now. The day came, the day went, and I never heard from her. I have no idea what went down, I just know she met him. WTF. I'm very upset about this. Shes ignoring / avoiding me now when I asked to talk to her. I think some family friends are in on this too, possibly even her parents!. Fuck. WTF. Worst part is, I think she's continuing to see him between then and now based on things I've perceived to be odd. So much for a one time thing. I'm not sure what to feel really. Upset is where it starts I guess. I know hes leaving town soon. No telling what happens after that.
So, I need your help reddit. I'm faced with some choices. I don't know whats right and this is tearing me apart...
- Expose her, and probably break the entire family apart including friends and be hated in the process. Especially on the off chance I'm proven wrong through corroborating stories and such.
- Say nothing, and live with the guilt of knowing this dirty little secret after being betrayed with it and watching the signs escalate. Do I Let it go even though its driving me nuts and hope things fix themselves magically?
What would you do and why? | I know a dirty little secret. What do I do? My Close Family Member[30'sF] is cheating on her husband [30'sM]. |
t3_4oyfo2 | loseit | Hitting the wall. | Hey everyone,
So since May of 2015 I've been on a weight loss journey, going from 275 lbs to 187. It's been one of the most difficult and also most rewarding and satisfying years of my entire life. My goal weight changed a lot. I wanted to get down to 225, then under 200, and then I decided I wanted to lose 100 lbs, mostly because I liked the sound of it. However, I've hit a wall. over the past month my weight loss has slowed significantly. I've been going about CICO long enough to know that its obviously my fault, but the desire to continue eating below maintenance is wavering. I look at myself in the mirror and while I'm still not satisfied with what I see, I can finally see just how much progress I've made. My family and friends have been extremely supportive and the compliments about how I look now are both gratifying and a little disheartening. I still feel so far from where I want to be. I never imagined I could make it this far, and yet here I am now. I just feel burnt out, not from fitness and living a healthy lifestyle, just eating at a deficit. It's just hard, I set a goal and to stop now would feel like I'd be failing. I realize it's kind of ridiculous, I've accomplished a lot over this past year and have a lot to be proud of, but it still feels that way. I want to lift heavy and eat at maintenance and work on reshaping my body but its scary. Anyways, sorry for this long rant, but that's one of the reasons why I love this sub. /r/loseit has been such a great resource to me. I know I can come here and vent to you all, because you understand when my friends and family just don't. | What did you do when you felt like you hit a wall nearing the end of your weight loss? What was your mindset when you switched to maintenance? Did anyone else stop short of what their initial goal was? |
t3_10vqxw | AskReddit | Reddit what is the psychological explanation as to why people ignore other people? | Let me explain the situation.
I had been friends with a girl I met from work. The best way I can describe her is somewhat lethargic from having been through some difficulties in life. I did find her to be a genuinely decent person and for the few times we went out usually for evening meals / drinks we actually had a pretty good time, and spoke about personal stuff - what could be described as the start of a good friendship.
Now I'll say one more thing to develop a bit more back story, but I don't really want to digress from the main point too much. At some point we stopped phoning each other, and I got really busy. When I did tried to phone her she ignored my call. Likewise the Facebook chat I sent her ignored.
What I am not after is an explanation of how I might have behaved in a certain way to deserve such treatment. Instead I would like to know the psychological reasons why people decide to ignore when there are other options to solving relationship / friendship problems. Some people for example are pretty straightforward, others might be full of excuses - so what is the deal with getting ignored?
I think a lot of people have a "Well you're ignoring me - f you" type of knee jerk reaction. But in the efforts of being a better / more empowered / well rounded individual - please give us your input.
& | Why do people chose to ignore others, what can you learn from it - what is there to know. |
t3_u9ibi | relationships | Incompatible categories | Me (20M) and SO (19F) have been together 3 months, things going well, but recently we've had a few communication problems. They seem to boil down to this: She and I have rather different mental categories. So when we say "let's do X and stuff like that" we sometimes have radically different notions of what "stuff like that" is.
Instance: For me the category that includes tying someone's hands together is the same one that includes tying those hands to the headboard. It seems she does not agree. Indeed while the former is sexy the latter is grounds for a small freakout. (Stopping things immediately and providing hugs and talking stopped it becoming a big freakout).
I'm at a bit of a loss. Other than going though every single action we take before we take it to make sure we both mean the same thing I'm not sure how to deal with this. Obviously after each incident like this we can simply remember to say "let's do X and stuff like X but not stuff like Y", but there's a lot room to hurt eachother if we keep going trial and error like this. | We dont always mean the same thing when we say the same thing. Unclear how to fix this. |
t3_3fq80p | relationships | I [18M] want to take it a step further with my friend [18F] | My first time posting, so don't be hard on me
I met this girl about a month ago and I really liked her, which is very strange for me. I find most people (including both genders) of my age very uninteresting. We started hanging out about once a week and she brought some friends. I'm a shy guy and I know I don't talk much but eventually I started talking more myself, although still finding it hard to contribute to conversations sometimes. One of these times I hung out with her alone and really liked it although I think she was intimidated by some awkward silences which I actually don't mind, in fact I find funny
We have probably talked more online than irl. Online she is super nice (probably the nicest person I've ever talked to) and I would say enthusiastic. Before I really realised to what extent I like her, I did tell her in chat that I like her and wanted to hang out more to which I got a good response
There are some things that make me convinced that she too has a greater interest in me, something about her awkwardness around me is very telling and just some specific events. However, the fact that she is busy during the summer means that we only see once a week, which is also very telling to me that she doesn't want to hang out too much. I also know for a fact that she could organise to meet up earlier sometimes but she just chooses a later date.
I know that I need to tell her, and I am committed to being honest either way but I'm not really sure how to do this. I want to make it clear that I'd still like to be friends if she doesn't because up until now I've still enjoyed the company a lot and these are the kinds of people I just don't come across often. Most people of my age want to impress their peers/obsess about things that they like because they have identity issues/try to fit in with everyone else I just find it revolting. | I have a friend with whom I'd like to be more than friends (although we've seen so few times I can't say that I love her). I know that I need to let her know but I don't know how |
t3_2l3j0n | tifu | TIFU waiting to tell my crush i liked her | Throwaway because i have friends who Reddit and wanna keep this to myself
So basically this wasn't today it was Halloween night and im at a friends house with a group of friends and one of those friends ive had a crush on for around a year.
This girl has been my best friend for over two years and i haven't told her my feelings because i wouldn't want to ruin the friendship. Anyway,after a couple hours of scary movies I start talking to her one on one and this conversation goes on for around an hour of just talking and laughing and whatever else goes with it. She starts talking about how the only person who shes ever known has liked her was a really nerdy creepy guy and how she has huge insecurities. I try to cheer her up by telling her that everyone has insecurities and that the girl I like has no idea how i feel for her. She starts to give me advice and tells me that i should tell her, even if i lose her friendship because i miss every shot i dont take or something like that. I tell her that i will tell the girl how i feel tonight and she says that texting her isnt the best way then say "its you." Prepared for a soft let down she responds almost immediately with "I feel the same way". "what?" I say. "I like you too." she says. Turns our she has liked me for a long time and was in the same situation as me. That twenty seconds of happiness was soon crushed when she told me that she was leaving to a different state after thanksgiving break. Now the girl of my dreams who i could have been with a long time ago is leaving because i waited and didn't grow a pair. Fuck me. | Waited a year to finally tell my crush i liked her, she felt the same way but tells me she is moving really soon |
t3_h46bw | books | Best books to read after a personal loss? | Hey, bookit. My best friend just suffered a miscarriage. She was four months into the pregnancy and is obviously pretty devastated. We live 9 hours apart, and I'm not able to go visit her, so I want to send her a care package, to help her grieve and feel better.
She loves to read; it is a common bond we share. We often read the same book at the same time so we can discuss it together. Among other things, I want to send her a book or two, along with a gift card and other suggestions. Generally we both enjoy modern classics with heavier themes (favourites include Blindness and The Road, along with authors like Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Margaret Atwood.) These books obviously might not be so great right now. We also enjoy YA novels and things some people might consider "summer reads." We both love Harry Potter, the His Dark Materials trilogy, we read Twilight together (no laughing!) and also The Hunger Games.
I'm hoping to find something that is either heart-warming and life-assuring (i.e: The Guernsey Literary and Potatoe Peel Pie Society) or light and easy to get into, like a mystery series or a YA series. | Best friend had a miscarriage. Please recommend books that are either happy or light and easy to get into. Anything that we can enjoy together and will help her to take her mind off of the loss. |
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