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t3_3yhaat | relationships | Me [38 M] with my wife [34 F] 10 years; brother-in-law troubles | My wife's younger and only brother, who is single, wants to go on a week-long trip with my wife (his sister) alone. We have two young kids. She isn't going and doesn't want to leave the kids and I for that long, but isn't that disturbing?
Am I wrong to feel like he has some incestuous desires? What adult man in their mid-30's wants to travel for a week alone with his sister? They were never really close. I can get that he may want to form a bond with her and he may be lonely at times. But, I think my wife should be on notice that he seems to have some issues with how he sees her and what he may be expecting from her. Definitely weirds me out and makes me very uncomfortable.
He lives across the country. So we don't see him often. It's not causing any routine awkwardness. But still...it makes me uncomfortable. | Brother-in-law's strange desire for alone time with my wife; how do I handle it? |
t3_32sn4m | relationships | Me [26 F] with my best friend [26F], how do I make her realize going to NYC for her bachelorette party with an ankle sprain isn't going to work for me? | So, I'm MOH in my best friend's wedding next month. This weekend we were supposed to go to NYC for her bachelorette party, to visit friends, and do a bar crawl.
Well last week I sprained my ankle at the gym. It's not severe, but it's the first time I've had an injury like this ao I'm very unsure of my healing time and patterns. It happened a week ago tonight, and my bruising is still bad, it still gets achy if I can't put it up for awhile, I can't walk flat footed but can hobble on the ball of my foot. I still use crutches for l longer distances.
The last thing I want to do right now is sit in a car for 5 hours, walk around NYC for 3 days, and sit in a car again. Not to mention that's not "resting" which is about all you can do for a sprain. I don't want to reinjure it or extend my healing time. She keeps saying it'll be ok, someone will carry me. Oh yeah? Who's going to carry me for 3 days? I don't want to be carried. That doesn't answer what to do about putting my ankle up when it gets sore or achy, or if it gets jostled at a bar, or simply NOT STANDING ON ONE LEG all night.
I've sent her pictures of the bruising. Told her I'm on crutches. I told her the night it happened. How do I make her realize that going to a walking city with a sprained ankle is a terrible idea? | MOH with a week old and still somewhat hobbled sprained ankle needs to convince bride going bar hopping and running around NYC is not ideal. |
t3_1jr0m4 | relationships | Is my (23M) outlook on relationships wrong? | Throwaway blah blah
I'm a 23 year old heterosexual male and I have very little interest in committed relationships. Is that odd? Is it wrong? Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me or how I'm looking at it.
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The past couple of women I've dated have wanted more than I'm willing to give. I look at commitment as almost a negative thing. Something that would hold me back. Even if I continue to have feelings for someone over a length of time, the thought of a committed relationship is just so unappealing to me. However, it's not in the sense that I'm scared of it...it's that I don't want it to get in they way if that makes sense. I'm trying to say this in a way that doesn't make me seem like a soulless hermit.
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Even seeing friends of mine in serious relationship, some are even married, completely turn me away from it.
Is this just not for me? Is it wrong to explore relationships that are more casual? Am I just seeing it all wrong? Do I even make sense? What will Batman do with that ticking time bomb?
Help. | I'm not interested in serious relationships. Is this wrong and can it change? |
t3_2gw1bw | AskReddit | How would you react if you found out your new neighbor is a convicted sex offender? | EDIT: I should elaborate on my specific circumstances. I'd like to hear everyone's general opinion, but I welcome your specific take on this case.
So my family had some friendly neighbors move a couple of counties away. They ended up renting their house out to their friend. This friend (let's call him "Z"), we had met before at get-togethers and judged to be a decent friendly guy. So Z moves in and my wife just happens to view the local sex offender registry website (this is in the USA) and found his picture and address on there. It says Z was convicted of "attempted kidnapping" and "attempted rape" some 25 years ago. So of course my wife gets into a panic about the whole thing. My viewpoint at the time was that we should beware, but we had no right to confront him or harass him about something that happened a long time ago. I was still uncomfortable knowing this about him and not talking to him about it.
Some time later Z and I happened to stop to talk to one another one morning while mowing lawns. An hour and a half later Z has told me most of his life story including his struggles with some pretty hardcore drugs back in the 80's. I never brought up the sex offender topic, but now I wish I had.
Overall my gut feeling says he's OK. He keeps to himself mostly and is generally friendly. He's clean now and should not be damned for the rest of his life for bad choices in his youth.
Still though, my wife and neighbors are panicked and I'm not sure what to tell them considering I seem to know him the best out of everyone there. | Sex offender moves in next door and my wife sees his mugshot on Internet. I had a conversation with him one day and he seems alright. Crimes happened back in 80's while he was a druggie. |
t3_1m7yqh | relationships | My girlfriend [19,F] and I [20,M] have had some issues since coming to college. | Okay so I will try to make this as short as possible. So I am at a university with my girlfriend of almost 3 years, and this is the first year we are both here (I was at a CC last year). I'm in the dorms, and she is in an apartment.
We went to the same high school and last year went completely fine. She hungout with a lot of our friends from high school, made new friends, normal college stuff.
Since coming here this year, she has been texting and hanging out with this guy, let's call him Greg, and I have been getting pretty jealous of the whole situation.
I know that she is not cheating on me, and Greg is actually a pretty nice guy, but I've seen some of their messages back and forth and there are things like, "come over I'll make you breakfast and we can talk alone in my room" from Greg.
She also went to dinner with him and one of his friends, and is always on her phone whenever I am with her. Then when she is with him, she takes a long time to respond.
Then along with this stuff happening which has caused some issues, she has also been acting way different than she did over the summer since being here at school. We hungout every day over the summer, and she spent the night at my house often because her at-home situation isn't ideal. Everything was going great and now she has been very irritated with me, and I just feel like she has been talking down to me, but she does not act like this to anyone else. These things were happening before I starting asking her about Greg.
I know that she is not cheating on me, but it still just seems weird and I don't know what to do to resolve this. She says she wants a few days to herself so she can appreciate me, but I think breaks like that are stupid.
Why was it not a problem that we hungout every day over the summer and were very happy, and now she is saying that we hangout too much even though it is much less than we hungout a month ago. | At school w/ GF, she's talking with another guy, and has been treating me rudely. not sure what to think/do. |
t3_3o2e7f | relationship_advice | I (22/F) am dating a great guy (25/M) but we're in a stalemate and I don't know where to go from here. | I've been dating this guy for 3 months and I really like him but he won't commit to being in a relationship with me and I didn't know why until tonight. We were talking as we do almost every night and he said something along the lines of in order to be in a relationship you need to see each other more than once a week. Now we've only been seeing each other once a week because of my living situation and both of our work schedules and neither of those things are going to change anytime soon. This makes me wonder if I am just wasting my time. He keeps telling me that there's a reason we're still dating and that he hasn't broken it off yet but he still won't commit. So at this point I just need some advance how to proceed. I'll be seeing him again in a couple days and would like to discuss this with him. | dating a guy for 3 months now in relationship stalemate. |
t3_13nvu1 | dating_advice | Single in college, now what? | First GF [18] and I [19] broke up after a few years of going out. First year of college got to her and I was no longer worth being a part in her life, so fuck it her loss I was perfect (at least tried my best). I never partied my first year out of respect for her. As a 2nd year now, I'm free now. My campus is filled with cute girls and I'm pretty sure I have the balls to talk to them.
What is the best way to approach a cute girl in the food court, library, or classroom I've never met? [I don't want them to feel like I'm wasting their study time]
I'm not much of a party animal, but what can I expect at house parties?
Are they worth going? | Single in college, what do I do now? |
t3_46tpxn | relationships | Me (M 18) need advice on a girl (F 17) I've been seeing for a little over a month. | So I am a freshman in college and this girl is a junior in high school ( I know not ideal) but we are only a year apart in age until my birthday in two months. Anyways she lost her virginity 3 months ago to some guy I don't know personally. Out of the blue this week she told me she "still has some feelings" for this guy, but also says she likes me and wants me around. Anybody know what these feelings are she has for him? Am I overreacting? Maybe she isn't ready for anything yet? Any help appreciated. | girl I am seeing "still has some feelings" for the guy who took her virginity 3 months ago and I'm not sure how to take that. |
t3_1bqfg7 | relationships | (M17 f17) not the same need advice. | I've known this girl for about 7 months about 2 months ago I liked her and she liked me. At first we were just friends but then it got a little more serious. We weren't In a relationship yet but it was very close. I said something one morning that really pissed her off but all it was was just a miscommunication. So that ended us from talking for about 2 weeks. About 3 days ago we finally started talking again. Yesterday I asked her if she wanted to Hang out and she replied with, "why". That's it nothing else. This really confused me and kinda made me sad because I do still have alot of feelings for her. She knows I do but what else can I do? Do I confront her about us not being the same as before? Just need some friendly advice thanks. | me and this girl were very close, stopped talking for two weeks from miscommunication. Started talking again but relationship is not the same. |
t3_2g29va | relationships | [22M] How to keep my mind on my GF?[21F] or is it too late. | Forgive me for my shitty grammar reddit-sama.
My girlfriend[21F] was going through a rough period recently and she wouldnt tell me what was up. So i was worried and anxious for two days wondering what was up. Finally she wanted to talk about it after blaming it on numerous other things and turns out its her father (nothing new but its not a big deal). I just felt.. empty, out of juice. I couldnt even console her. Im normally very understanding and non-jugdemental but something in my mind said "im tired of this shit" and i wanted to break up with her since.
But that's not the biggest issue, i feel like ive been emotionally cheating on her for the past month. Ive been hitting on girls, getting their numbers, and then deleting them essentially. All harmless fun? I feel like my heart is in the wrong place.
This is the only relationship where i haven't cheated and yes im a bastard but im trying here. I constantly check out other girls, and even think about other girls when we are having sex. Is this normal? I feel like im too young to be in a relationship and i dont want to hurt her. I am all she has for support stateside (emotionally not financially) and if i leave her she has basically no-one so i feel as if im abandoning her. I still love this woman and i know in my heart she will be the one that got away.
I just dont know what the right move is because ive never had a good model for a relationship in the first place. Every relationship ive been in resolves the same way but i am admant against cheating on anyone ever again. Is my wandering eye a normal human male thing or am i kidding myself and should i end this? I dont think im built for relationships period but if i were to stay how can i keep my reptilic mind in check and stay focused on the one i love? I feel like im going to regret this either way. | Manwhore regrets getting in relationship, needs help to check wandering eye. Or needs a kick in the butt and stays single forever |
t3_2wyjia | relationships | [33M] in uphappy marriage but can't leave. Have fallen for my [F] best friend. | I'm married to someone [29F] who changed drastically over the time we've been together (8 years, married 5). She has piled on so much weight that she is now heavier than me and I'm a big guy. I've tried gently approaching the subject for years now and more recently even just spoken quite frankly about my concerns but she brushes them off.
She wanted children, which originally I did as well but I had second thoughts about being ready yet if this is how she will be for the rest of our lives. I've aired these concerns as well but again it was brushed aside. We don't really sleep together any more and sex is non existent, I often sleep on the couch. And while I still love my wife (i think, I just feel kinda...empty) I have zero attraction any more.
Enter my close friend [27F] who I've known for 5 years now. She is having troubles in her own relationship and over the years I've often been a confident for her. We've been spending a lot of time together lately and being around her genuinely makes me feel like I want to live again.
I think she feels the same. She has joked about us being together and always makes jokes about how she'd beat my ass if she were my partner because I'm messy. What can I do to find out for sure? I really think it will be the positive change I need in my life but I don't want to risk ruining a friendship I treasure. Never felt so conflicted in my life....
I know most will disapprove of my actions but in our current financial situation my wife and I are pretty much stuck together. I think it goes without saying that we would probably part amicably if it were an option. | In unhappy marriage, can't leave. Have fallen for female best friend hard and don't know what to do. |
t3_1q5ch4 | tifu | TIFU by skipping class. | Hey reddit... not today, but last week, i fucked up big time. Sure, not as big as what some people post here, but as far as I'm concerned, this is my biggest fuck up to date.
Last week I was on a deadline to finish my thesis and so decided to skip class to work on it.
Turns out, i couldnt have skipped that class because of attendance. Now, on my last semester of college, i wont be able to graduate.
Ill have to pay tuition for another semester, it'll fuck over my plans for a job, that is, if I survive the disembowelment by my incredibly strict father's bare hands. | Skipped class, am now a dead man walking. |
t3_3jegrd | tifu | TIFU by expecting more of a raise. | I'm on mobile, so please excuse typos.
This actually did happen today but needs a little back story.
I have been in my current position for 2 years. At my annual review last year, I was given quite a lot of negative feedback along with mention of several areas that needed inprovement and a few that had potential. As my review came to a close, I was offered a 7% raise.
Given how terrible I felt the review went, I was under the impression that 7% was the typical raise percentage for the company. Not an unreasonable assumption, right?
Today I had my second annual review. I walked in with pages upon pages of supporting information for why I should receive a much more significant raise.
I'm at the restaurant (we do these over lunch) with my boss, prior boss, and boss's boss. Everything is going beautifully. They had nothing but good things to say. It was compliments all around.
Finally, my boss hands me a paper with my new salary: an 8% raise. My face fell and I just stared at it for a good five minutes.
I went into a mini rant about how I've gone above and beyond consistently for the company. I told of how many personal sacrifices I've made to meet deadlines time and again. Yada yada yada.
Finally, I stop myself and give them a chance to speak. It turns out that the normal raise percentage is 3% per year. Not only did I receive over double that last year, they are offering almost 3 times that this year.
Now I feel and look like an ungrateful jerk. I've sent all three of them an email explaining my misunderstanding. But I really just want to crawl under a rock and die. So now I'm hiding from them until my anxiety dies down. | I expressed disappointment in the raise I was offered, when it was almost 3 times the normal amount. |
t3_2jmufy | relationships | I (25F) just learned that my husband (26M) may have been involved in (gang?) shooting as a teenager and I'm not sure how to talk to him about it. | First of all, this is a throwaway account for obvious reasons, my husband is the sweetest most down to earth person I know, he is professional and respectful with everyone he comes into contact with and has been this way as long as I have known him (6 years). I recently had dinner with some friends of mine and a mutual friend of theirs joined them, as the conversation kept going and the martinis kept coming, I mentioned who my husband was and he (the friend) said that he knew him from high school and said jokingly "yeah he was one crazy mother******". Perplexed I ask him what he meant and he told me that my husband used to run with a bad crowd, one day his senior year someone beat him up pretty bad at school, that night their house was shot like 100 times and someone was injured. The police investigated my husband for it and were almost certain it was him, evidently he had left that night or something and the times matched up, but they didn't have enough evidence to convict him. My husband also collects guns so it wouldn't be hard for him to pull this kind of thing off... the next day I got a call from the person that told me this, I guess they got my number from a friend, they said that they were sorry they said that and they were drunk. I don't know how to bring this up without sounding accusing, maybe he really did it and then got his life together in the next couple of years I don't know what to do. | Found out my husband may have been beaten, then taken revenge and committed a shooting. |
t3_3ewtxj | travel | Expedited US Passport is still not here! | So about 3 weeks ago re-applied for another US Passport. I had to be treated as a first time applicant because my last passport (which expires in November) was issued when I was 15. A week after I turned in my application, it showed up in the system as processing. In theory it should be here by today or tomorrow but I'm getting worried because the application status hasn't changed online. I've called 3 times now and all they've been able to tell me is that it's still processing.
* I asked if they needed additional paperwork to confirm my identity and every person I talked to said that from what they could see nothing was wrong with the application.
* I never requested for two-way overnight shipping since I went to a public library in Houston to get this done. I did manage to get overnight shipping for when they return it to me.
* I fly out to Philadelphia on the 8th and I am supposed to be headed to Toronto on the evening of the 9th (which is why this is a bit urgent). | My expedited passport still isn't here yet and as far as I know there aren't issues with the application itself. Should I be worried or just give it until the end of this week? I was also wondering if anyone could tell me what might be causing the delay. |
t3_qapmc | BreakUps | Just lost the love of my life. | After a couple months of the roughest depression I have ever experienced my girlfriend has decided to leave me. We had been fighting for the last three months because of me being stuck in Utah for probation and me being horribly jealous of her other guy friends. She stuck by me through jail and she never once cheated on me but fuck I just couldn't stand being without her. I feel worse than ever before and I have been holding back tears for the last two hours. I don't know what to do anymore I can't stand how shitty my life has been and now this. I can't even bring myself to type out a full story but it was a nasty breakup. | Depressed, Love of my life just left me, need help. |
t3_231krg | relationships | Me [17F] with my boyfriend [19M] almost 1 year, am I wrong for getting upset over this? | Usually my boyfriend and I have sex all the time and we take turns giving eachother hand jobs and blowjobs, but recently he hasn't been wanting to. I thought it would be fair to do eachother equally but he has a differing views. When I asked him about it he has said things like "it takes me too long to get off." "I should get more blowjobs because it takes me like 5 minutes," or "some girls haven't even had an orgasm before you should be happy with what you get." I didn't want to make a huge deal out of it so I didn't really say anything about it and just kind of agreed with him. My question is should I be upset with this? Do most guys feel like the girlfriend should be doing more for them? Should I say anything to him and what should I say? | My boyfriend says I should give him more sexual favors than he gives me because that's what nice girlfriends do. |
t3_rep2x | AskReddit | How do I approach my friend about the weird shit he does as a roommate? | My friend and I have known each other for almost 3 years since we've been in college. We've always been pretty good friends, but we moved in together around September. Since then, he has done some of the weirdest shit I've seen anybody do. Not only does he do really weird shit, but he's not the greatest roommate either. Examples include, but are not limited to:
* Not taking out garbage, ever
* Never replacing toilet paper
* Filling up my fridge with all his own stuff
* Taking multiple (at least 2, sometimes 3) showers a day, lasting at least 45 minutes each
* Dousing himself with cologne before going to bed
* Leaving movies playing when he leaves the room
* Getting up in the middle of the night and trying on several different outfits or hairstyles in the mirror and then going back to bed
* Constantly spraying the entire room with air fresheners to the point that it makes me cough
* Leaves the door open when leaving the room, no matter how long he's gone
* Whenever I leave the room he locks the door
* Does P90X in the room, and watches himself in the mirror at least once a minute
* Leaves the AC on constantly, even in December
* Listens to about the same 10 songs constantly
* Sings those songs loudly while clearly not knowing the lyrics
Most of these things are not necessarily bothersome, but they're incredibly weird and he does them often enough that it's starting to be annoying. How do I go about asking him why he does so much weird shit without sounding like a dick? Is it just me being overly sensitive to it, or am I in the right? | Good friend = weird/bad roommate. What Do? |
t3_2x9z28 | relationships | My [24F] roommate [24F] constantly bombards me with her problems/boy drama, but acts bored and disinterested if I so much as tell her a single thing that's happening in my life. | I realize that this is an extremely common problem. For several months now, I've just gone with the flow - listened to her problems and not really bothered telling her anything about myself. But lately, it's been getting to me.
Two nights before Valentine's Day, I slept with my ex-boyfriend (entirely different subject that I won't bore you with... at least for now). So, the morning of Valentine's Day I see my roommate for the first time since this had happened. She tells me all about her Valentine's Day plans with her new boyfriend and all about the drama from the previous evening where they got into a huge fight and she cried herself to sleep at his house because she was too drunk to drive home. Whatever. I listened intently, asked clarifying questions, just listened to her, etc. As usual. (I don't mind doing this for the most part.) Afterwards, she asks me about my night with my ex. I start to tell her and within 20 seconds she's playing on her phone, clearly not listening to anything that I'm saying. I sum it up really quickly, knowing that she's clearly not interested - we're talking 3-4 sentences. She says, "Oh, well, sounds like you had fun." and walks away.
My issue is that, ever since this happened, I've started to develop this extreme annoyance with her and don't know how to address it. Honestly, I don't care if I can't tell her about my life/problems. I'm just tired of her cornering me to talk at me about her problems for upwards of 30 minutes at a time on a very, very regular basis. It doesn't help that she is clearly unwilling to reciprocate this.
I don't want any issues with this girl as she is my roommate and I want my home life to be as drama-free as possible. I worry that I'm starting to get so annoyed that I'm going to say something and cause an issue. Not sure how to address this.
Help! | Roommate constantly corners me to talk at me about the drama in her life. If I ever try to talk to her about anything to do with me, she acts extremely bored/disinterested (plays on her phone, doesn't listen, etc.). I'm starting to get really annoyed with her, but don't want any roommate drama. How should I address this? |
t3_1cgsoq | AskReddit | What's the point of atheism? | I was once a devout Muslim. Very fearful of my Creator. So much so I fell into deep bouts of anxiety whenever I felt as if I was not good enough for my creator. Then things took a turn in college. I had a period of time when I believed that a deity, or multiple deities, or anything having to do with religion was true. It all didn't make any sense why God, why religion, why anything such as that. Well, I made sense of it. The point is we all have a natural inclination to call out to some sort of higher power. Science tells us that the computer we are using are essentially made of the same components as us, but what makes us different. The fact that we have life. Why do we have life, and why do we exist. I have no idea, but I know that we have something in us which makes us different from other races, species, aliens, desks, chairs, elements. We have a soul. This word comes in many forms. Drive, fire, passion, etc. We give ourselves purpose through our soul. We know something deeper within exists. So, why does majority of reddit seem to be atheist? Atheism doesn't make sense. There is a higher force, and we may not know who or what it is, but it exists. It makes the world go round. Our world. | i don't get atheism, help a brotha out, muslim to atheist to agnostic |
t3_1mszod | relationships | I[24/M] am a fucking pathetic piece of shit and I can't stop purposely sabotaging myself. | All week, a woman[23] and I (that I've known for a few months) have had plans to hang out today and go to the bars and have a few drinks with friends. It started raining this morning, but I didn't think that was important. I texted her, and when she asked if I wanted to post-pone because of the rain, I flipped out.
I first tried to get her to still come to the bars but say that we could just stay inside. Then she says what about meeting in between both of our towns (we are a while away from each other) and apparently I took everything the wrong way. She is *still* texting me, *right now*, asking me if I want to hang out... and yes, I do, very much, she's very pretty and I want to see her, but because of the way I acted earlier, I am ashamed of myself and hate myself and tweet about how much I fucking hate myself. Of course she probably saw all that, and for some crazy reason, she still wants to see me.
When I get mad at myself I cuss myself out on social media or in person or on the phone or just by myself. I used to cut myself I don't anymore but now I just fucking hate myself more than anybody else ever could. And no, I'm not going to go see this girl, because *I want to hurt myself even more and by not seeing her, I'm hurting myself a fuck shit ton.*
I do this very often with a variety of many girls. I'm pretty sure I'm emotionally immature to a great degree and any hatred or flame towards me *is appreciated*, not discouraged. The only reason I'm posting all this because in this midst of all this dark self-hatred, I know this kind of behavior is wrong. *But I don't care and I deserve this loneliness. | I fucking hate myself randomly sometimes and it's destroying my life and I like it and I hate it. |
t3_1lg9ky | relationships | Maybe this the correct place to post. But I 30M slept with a crush 25F a few weeks ago, and I'm lost. | A girl I have known for years, that I have always had a crush on, came into my life randomly last month. She came to my house late, we slept together.
She texted me two days later to say that she never sleeps with anyone she isn't with.
The thing is, I don't either. I slept with her because I have liked her for years and I ft like it was us just... Coming together.
Now she's weird, but I want nothing more than her. I only slept with her because it was *her*.
What do I do? She's so weird to me now. | I slept with someone I *really* care about, and it feels like a horrible mistake. |
t3_cryrk | AskReddit | How has playing video games affected you? | Age/Sex/Country How much do you play in your average week? Do you feel more violent or aggressive since you started playing violent games? (if you do at all?) Do you feel your gaming has had an affect on your relationships? Do you feel that video games have been positive or negative factor in your life?
I'm 17, Male and living in Australia and in the past 2 weeks I have played more than 61 hours of mw2. No, I don't feel more aggressive after playing violent video games (Stephen Conroy may disagree) and nor has my gaming has affected my relationships. I feel that video games have been very much a negative factor as all to often the choice I made between studying and playing Cod has not been a good one and left me with nothing but B's and fall on the WA2000.
I am writing an essay, I don't work for anyone and I genuinely want to know how video games have affected you. | How has playing video games affected you? I play too much MW2, I don't work for Microsoft. |
t3_13cga6 | relationship_advice | [Early 20's] Great relationship might be falling apart due to differing desires about the future. Is this really the only possible outcome? (xpost from relationships) | We've been together for a year. I'm the M, she's the F. Things have truly been great with her, I can't stress that enough. She and I are very compatible. Save one minor but significant thing.
She wants kids in 4 years, I see them being much farther down the line in my future, if at all. Having kids in this time frame is important to her. To me, waiting to have them is important because I want to exhaust my youth and selfishness before even considering becoming a father.
If we stay together, there's a possibility my mind could change, but not a guarantee. I could end up severely disappointing her. Plus the break-up would be much harder, considering 4 year's worth of feelings would be piled onto the deep one's we have cultivated over a year.
Neither of us wants to say it but we're leaning toward breaking up now on unfortunate but good terms. She feels that if we stay together she may be on the defensive, since there is the possibility of a latent dealbreaker rearing its head down the road, unless somehow I changed my mind and proved it was what I really wanted. This raises the question for me: what about the interim? How will she decide how much, or how little to invest in me?
We really love each other but this is hard to overlook. We both would want to be fully committed to the idea of having a child when it comes to that, we wouldn't want resentment to fester beneath the surface because one or both parties had to concede on their vision to make things work.
Does anyone have any insight on this type of dilemma? Did you go through it yourself? How did you make it work, or why didn't it work? Your help is greatly appreciated. | Girlfriend and I want to have kids at very different points in life. Worried about investing ourselves even more only to have to let it all go down the line. What do we do? |
t3_1wlxa4 | relationship_advice | How do I stay married? F30, unhappy with marriage to M 28 due to constant bickering, arguing, etc | We've been married for over 5 years. We have known each other for a long time and were very good friends for a long time before ever dating. But now, I hardly recognize our relationship. We can't have a conversation without it turning into some bickering match. I feel henpecked. He feels henpecked. Neither of us is happy and we can't figure out what to do to get back to a happy relationship. We are in marriage counseling due to various problems, none of which are the immediate dealbreakers such as cheating or physical abuse. Our main issues are communication related, but the issues are so serious and repeated that I am unhappy and losing hope that we can solve the problems. Yesterday we left our counseling appointment and I was in tears. He said nothing about the fact that I was crying, nor even spoke to me about it. Later, after getting so frustrated with trying to speak about our issues, I started crying again in the car and again, he said nothing. My husband is extremely loved and is known to be a caring person. If he saw a stranger walking down the street crying, he would swerve across three lanes of traffic and pull over to find out what was the matter with them. Not exaggerating. But I am the person that lives with him and I feel that he treats me differently, and not in a good way. He agreed to go to marriage counseling and so did I, but now all discussions turn into long drawn out disagreements about basic and stupid issues. It has gotten to the point where now I don't even want to talk for fear of it starting another pointless argument. Now instead of not communicating, we argue! I don't want to go back to having no communication but I can't take this fighting either. I hate conflict! I am withdrawing and seriously considering moving out to give us both peace and quiet. I know he is tired of the way our communication (fails to) work too, but neither of us can figure out what we are doing wrong. Suggestions? Advice? Theories? | Two people who really know and love each other are driving each other crazy and are miserable with the constant argument that has resulted from us trying to improve the quality of communication. |
t3_2p3x9t | relationships | My close friend's new girlfriend likes me [M, 17] and I don't know what to do. | We're in high school. She's my very recent ex girlfriend's best friend. This girl, let's call her Jane, confessed to me last night that she really liked me since before I even dated my ex.
I value my friend a lot. I always just tried to make sure he was happy and I encouraged their very new relationship. I thought nothing of it and just cheered him on.
She told him today that she wasn't ready for a relationship, and now he's apparently furious at me. My ex girlfriend and I are still friends and we had supported their relationship even after our own breakup. She doesn't know about this secret crush.
We're meeting up in half an hour to discuss the issues at hand because she's the only one I can talk to about this issue.
Should I tell her about the secret crush her best friend has on me? I just want my close friend to be happy, this was never my intention. | my ex's best friend was dating my best friend but she apparently likes me and I don't know what to do. |
t3_2cuwf3 | relationships | I, [19 M] with my alcoholic Mother, [62 F] have no idea what to do. | Returned from college this summer to find her drinking is not only worse, it has resulted in her isolation and boredom. She hasn't worked for about eight years and with all of her children gone, she drinks every night and is too hungover during the day to be productive or social to any degree.
My father [63 M] has an intense work schedule and is too complacent to take any real action to help her. He and I discuss in and out-patient help but he has never made an actual step in that direction (such as a phone call).
Is it my place to do anything about it? I think nothing short of several weeks in a clinic will be of any help to her but as the child I'm not sure how I should act. Any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you!! | Alcoholic Mother is drinking her life away and my father seems unwilling or unable to get her any real help, what should I do? |
t3_u6wj8 | dating_advice | First 'date' with a girl | When I say date, I mean just more like a hangout than an official date with a title. I'm 16, as is she, so I know it's not imperative I find a woman or for this to absolutely go off without a hitch. I know there are other girls, this one just seems like she may be worthwhile.
We started talking several months ago, not very often, we had met at a concert and it turned out I knew her older sister. So I added her on Facebook and once in a while we'd talk on Facebook or something. Then, a bit more recently, I got her BBM and we started talking a lot on that, almost every day. It turns out we're very similar people, having some of the same fears, quirks, taste in music and a few other things.
About 3 weeks ago my band was having their first show and I invited her, because I had started becoming more interested in her, and I could sort of play it off as a 'hey, come and support, it's our first gig!'. She came and after my set, we talked a bit and I thanked her for coming and that was that.
Now to get to the actual date deal. After the show we started talking even moreso then we have and I finally decided to ask her to hang out, just us. We're not planning anything special, just a walk around the neighborhood, maybe go to a local park and just relax. My question is "how do I make this go well?" to put it simply. I'd like to start expressing interest on this outing, but I'm not entirely sure how. If I didn't provide enough/the right info, please ask! | Met a girl I really like, we talk quite a bit and are going to hang out alone for the first time. How do I impress her? |
t3_1xu839 | relationships | Me [f/19] upset at boyfriend's [21/m] lack of thought, planning on standing him up/leaving him | Basically, my boyfriend has no consideration, and little common sense.
It started at Christmas. All he bought me was incense stick, a holder, a box of Yankee tealight candles, a skull candle holder and three separate heart shaped soaps that were really bland from the Body Shop.
Of course I was upset and disappointed. It caused many arguments, I had to pretend I liked it but then I snapped at him, and flipped. I was like "have you never had a female in your life? I mention I like incense once and I asked for a nice smelling soap once, I don't want my whole life to revolve around it."
But then we moved on. Fast forward to my birthday and I jokingly said a few days before "haha imagine if you got me soap and incense again." he chuckled nervously, and a few days later, lo and behold, I am greeted with the sight of a jumbo pack of incense, a small glass skull shaped incense burner, three different soaps from lush and a bottle of rose with our photo on it.
i had to fake loving it, but behind closed doors i was upset. I wasn't expecting jewellery but to get the same things again show lack of thought, and it seems really rushed. especially after what I got him for his birthday, and for valentine's day.
Regarding Valentine's Day, he originally wanted to cook for me and not get me presents. I was fine with that. but then as he can't make it to my birthday party (this monday, as he has a job interview the next day), he said he's going to take me out tomorrow to make up for it for a meal. That's it. No flowers, just a meal. Which is being used as an apology for not being at my party.
So I was thinking of standing him up at the meal tomorrow. I'm so close to leaving him, it's like he has no common sense at all. He says "I've never had to do this before", meaning buying presents for girls, he's had girlfriends and fuckbuddies before me. | Boyfriend is shit at buying presents, tomorrow is the last straw. Thinking of standing him up on Valentine's Day, and even possibly leaving him. |
t3_1jjymx | relationships | How do I[F19] kind of hint that I'd like more texting in my brand new relationship with M18? | I just started a relationship with a man who seems really great so far. Our relationship is BRAND new, we haven't even known each other for a month yet. I'm enjoying the "newness" and we're taking things slow, but there's just one thing that's sort of bugging me. Our texting. Usually I prefer phone calls, but a few text messages throughout the day is really nice for me. Let's me know the guy is thinking about me, you know? My favorite thing is waking up to a text from my SO, even if it's as simple as "Goodmorning beautiful"
My boyfriend usually doesn't do this, and will start texting me later in the day. He gets up much earlier than me for his job, and I would love a text sometime in the morning when he gets up. Just a simple goodmorning. But I feel really weird asking for it! He works hard and usually falls asleep before he gets the chance to text me goodnight, as well.
So two questions, really. Is it sort of needy to be wanting this sort of thing? We JUST started dating, so maybe that's something he'll start doing a little bit later and I should just wait and see how things progress? Also, how do you think I could bring it up without making it seem like I'm requesting he text me goodmorning every morning. I certainly don't want to take the fun out of it! :/
I feel so weird even asking this question. But hopefully you guys can make sense of this and help me out. I know I just need to talk to him about it because he's not a mind reader, but I just need tips on how to tactfully do so. | I'd like "goodmorning" texts, and a "goodnight" text every once in a while would make me ridiculously happy. How do I let my new boyfriend know without making him feel obligated to do it as a "chore"? :/ |
t3_hzugy | AskReddit | Hey, Reddit. I'm thinking of starting up a little side business fixing computers home to home. | Does anyone have any experience with this? What's a good rate to charge for simply virus/malware removal? What about something more labor intensive; like a complete re-install of whatever operating system AND the updates plus whatever programs they need?
I assume the easiest way to gain attention right away would be on Craigslist, but are there any other free/cheap places to advertise?
I've realized that I could possibly make twice as much per day than I do an hour at a steady rate if this takes off. I'm sure it will be pretty unpredictable, but at the moment I've already made 150 dollars just removing malware/virus' from 4 co-workers over the past few months. This piques my interest, naturally.
Anyway, any pointers? | I'm thinking of working for myself as a on-site computer fixit guy. Any pointers, ideas, or extreme tales of caution? |
t3_54jmry | relationships | Me [25 M] with my friend [22F] who is involved in drugs | I [25m] have a friend[22f] who told me that she used to use drugs when she was younger like 17ish ("everything but heroin").
She is mostly clean but she stated last week that she would've done lines of cocaine at a party she missed.
she is in school to become a
medic and I am afraid that she might jeopardize her career.
She said that she doesn't do it
often, just every once in awhile. As well as selling off excess prescription meds.
I love her as a friend and will always be there for her, she is an
amazing person, I just don't want the drugs to ruin her life or career.
What should I do? | friend does drugs occasionally, could jeopardize future career, will be her friend no matter what, need feedback. |
t3_1rgpp5 | AskReddit | How can I motivate my 21 y.o. brother to get out of my moms basement/get a job/go to school? | My brother is about to turn 21 and has no employment experience. He lives in my mom's basement and takes one community college class, leaving the house twice a week, spending the rest of his time gaming/watching streams/cooking. He has delusions of being a game designer but, as far as I know, has never programmed anything in his life. He has no IRL friends.
For reference, they live in a major metropolitan area with many job opportunities. He also has a car and a small trust fund. Other than love and companionship, his hierarchy of needs is fulfilled.
This is very stressful for my mom, who really wants him to get a job or go to school fulltime. Yet she enables his behavior and will never kick him out. When I visit during the holidays, I have motivation talks with him at my moms insistence, or I take him places that hire people with no experience. However, he never follows through.
Even when I lived at home, I have always been motivated to work and be out and about, and moved out of my moms house as soon as possible...so it is hard for me to relate to his mentality.
Certainly, nothing will change until he decides to change. But until then, what can my mom and I do to help him? Feel free to ask questions and I will give details. | bros a basement dweller with no motivation. Mom wants my help/advice |
t3_rqbpj | AskReddit | Here it is, my cry for help... | I'll keep this as short as possible, since we all know our tolerance for reading anything more than 2 lines is low (woops, hit my limit)...
I'm a 3rd year medical student who is just realizing now that maybe I am not smart enough to be a doctor. I have gotten through the first 2 years (book learnin') barely, and took my Step 1 (did... okay), and now my Step 2 is coming up. I need to do well on this or I will not get a residency, and I will not be practicing medicine, and thats 8 years down the drain.
My questions: Is it possible I have reached my intelligence limit and I just cannot know and process all this information? Does anyone have any advice for better study habits (so maybe I can fake it till I make it)? Any advice in general from medical professionals (or anyone for that matter)?
****
For your supplemental reading pleasure:
I am female, in the US and I want to be an Emergency Medicine physician (internal medicine is a close backup). I worked as an EMT for 4 years before medical school, I have travelled the world working in 3rd world clinics, I do plan to go back to doing similar work. I cannot see myself doing anything else, which has made me desperate enough to make this post.
Please help! I am clearly doing something wrong here, so any advice will be greatly appreciated... | first world problems up in this bitch... |
t3_2cilaw | relationships | Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of 3.5 years--I'm jealous of his willingness to be social. | Like the title says, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3.5 years. When we first started living together about a year after we got together, he was the least social person ever. He hated going out, he made up excuses not to spend time with friends, he'd get really anxious if we were out longer than an hour, and hosting people ended with him in our room while I entertained. Over the past few years, his social anxiety has gotten much better, but he would still prefer to hang out with me in our apartment and play video games or watch a movie. Eventually, I also became not terribly sociable and we enjoyed avoiding people together.
About a month ago, he moved to another state for work, which means we are now in a long-distance relationship. Yay! (ugh they're hard) Ever since he's moved, he's put so much effort into making friends and being social and going out. I, on the other hand, have not. I used to be so great at making friends and being the life of the party, but ever since I graduated college, I've been less and less outgoing (further enabled by my bf's anxiety).
How do I get over being so very jealous whenever he says he's going to a movie with a friend, or grabbing dinner, or trying to make friends with his next door neighbors? How do I turn these negative feelings into positive ones? Because deep down, I am legitimately so happy that he's grown out of his anxiety and is putting in an honest effort... but I hate that I have become so reclusive.
As a follow-up question, how do y'all adults make friends outside of college?? It seems so impossible!
Maybe good to note: I don't drink, so that tends to get in the way of hanging out with people. | My LDR boyfriend used to hate hanging out, now he's making friends left and right. I am jealous because I used to be the sociable one, but now I can't make a friend for the life of me. |
t3_ls7gf | AskReddit | How important is it that your friends be good people? | This was sparked by a conversation last night. Most of the people I would consider to be my best friends would, undoubtedly, go out of their way if I needed something and have always been there for me, even when we don't interact on a day-to-day basis. Moreover, they're all interesting and brilliant people who bring out the best in me, inspire me and help me grow as a person.
However, some of them are, like a mean dog, kind of a bitch to everyone besides the people they care about. Some of them chronically cheat in relationships, are dicks to their parents, etc. I profoundly don't give a fuck, personally, and would never stop being loyal to a friend because of their actions to others.
The person I was discussing with thought that was a morally bankrupt position- that once you're aware of how destructive a person can be, that you should cut them out of your life in favor of people who are truly good, gentle people.
So, reddit, I'm interested to know... | Do your close friends need to be good people/ what do you look for and value in a close friend? |
t3_mtrn4 | AskReddit | What is the worst smell (or smells) you have ever encountered? | I can distinctly recall two different instances where smells were by no means comparable to anything else I have ever encountered.
The first: I was a part of a cub scout group and we had a contest for smelliest catfish bait. There was a trip planned at the end of the month at what was our local fishing hole, and we all decided that the best way to catch catfish is with smelly bait. Thus, the contest arose.
My secret weapon: A mixture of three pounds of chicken liver, 1/4 gallon of milk, 5 eggs, some mustard (for color) and some other ingredients I cannot readily remember. The last step was time. I stuck the concoction into an old tin coffee container and let it steep in the sun in my backyard for the entire month.
A day before the fishing trip, i check on my mix and I peer into the coffee container to see that nothing is still a solid. Everything turned to liquid. I could not use this as bait because nothing would stay on the hook, but needless to say, I won the contest.
The second: I had a part time job while attending college at a local vitamin manufacturing plant as a janitor-"Sanitation engineer" to the ladies. I was so good at my job that I was recruited to "deep clean" a particular area that had been neglected for two years behind one of the mixing machines.
The smells of the powders of nutrition smell bad enough, but this was a build up unrecognizable gunk that even jabba the hut would be squeamish at. Coupled with bleach and a mere mop, the job took me about 5 hours start to finish an the absolute worst smell was that mop bucket full of the colorful bleachy vita-gunk. I literally just gagged thinking and typing that. I have also never smelled "death" but I imagine that is pretty bad. | My homemade fish bait and my bucket of "cleaned" vitamin buildup as a janitor at a vitamin manufacturing conpany definitely smelled the worst. |
t3_3n33sm | relationships | My [24/F] Fiancés [23/M] crippling fear of death is causing issues, 6 year relationship. | Hey,
My fiancé no longer wants children due to his crippling fear of death, he has always had a big fear of death, if he thinks about it he will turn white, get dizzy, start to gag and sometimes even be sick. When I ask him about this he says "what's the point in brining something into the world to just die and potentially feel what he feels" if it helps we have also had 3 "late" miscarriages due to my incompetent cervix which I think is only making matters worse for him, even though the last one was 2 years ago (first time I got pregnant very early in).
I'm at the stage I don't know what to do, I want to have his babies but his fear of death is just preventing this from happening, he has even started to talk about getting the snip, I feel like my time is running out and if he goes through with getting the snip then our relationship will be over but I can't bring up the words on how to express this to him in a serious manor.
does anyone know how I can bring this up? Or even better anything that I can do to try and help him get over this fear of his, I honestly think he is having a midlife crisis at 23. | I want to try for a baby again, SO does not, says its his fear of death as the reason. |
t3_3y7i2f | tifu | TIFU by posting a picture of my combat grade throwing tomahawk in the wrong GroupMe | This happened last night.
So I am in a wedding as a groomsman and the groom thought it would be hilarious to get us Combat Grade Throwing Tomahawks as groomsmen gifts, which admittedly is an awesome idea. I'm in college and home for the break so I was telling my roommates from school about it in our GroupMe and they asked to see a picture when I finished my Christmas morning festivities.
Here's where the FU happens. I'm a youth group leader and am in a GroupMe with 96 other youth group leaders (we emailed GroupMe to let it hold more people) that are peers from college. As you can probably figure out....I posted the picture in that group me saying something like "getting my combat grade throwing tomahawk through security will be a nightmare!" Probably 45 mins passed before I figured out what I did, which came when I realized that whoever liked my post was not one of my roommates. Now there's a picture of a combat throwing tomahawk in my youth group GroupMe on Christmas morning and they probably think I'm a psycho... | Was sending my roommates a picture of the combat grade throwing tomahawk I got as a groomsman gift, sent it to a GroupMe full of 96 people from my youth group. I look like a psycho now. |
t3_22sk96 | relationships | Who should walk me (24F) down the aisle? | Help me out Reddit! My parents got divorced when I was 3, and my mom and I moved about an hour away from my dad. I grew up spending every other weekend and half of every holiday with him and we have a great relationship. My mom got remarried when I was about 5 to a great guy who has ALWAYS treated me like I was his own. He missed work to take me events, took care of me when I was sick and was there for me on a daily basis. I love him just as much as my own dad. I know I am extremely fortunate to be in this situation but I don't know what to do about my walk down the aisle. I would have both of them do this but I feel bad taking that moment from my dad. | Love both my dad and stepdad equally, don't know who should walk me down the aisle (first world problem, I know) |
t3_tunna | AskReddit | Reddit, how do I change the way people think of me? | I'm 16, and female. I'd like to think of myself as average looking, however I'm often told I'm unattractive.. And then sometimes told by others that I'm dead sexy. So I don't know what to think in that sense, so let's just assume average.
I'm intelligent, but I do derp out a lot.. I ride horses, I play games, I drink and take drugs (the tamer ones) socially, I don't smoke tobacco though. (Note: I live in England and people my age are viewed a lot differently/behave a lot more differently to how they may do in 'Merica)
I feel pretty normal, but when it comes to any social situations (I have a lot of "friends") I'm 98% of the time treated like utter shit. It's beginning to reach the point in which my self-esteem is so low that it should be burning up in the Earths core, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm often told that I should just ignore it, but it's very difficult to constantly put on a brave face when whenever you say something you are hammered with insults, jokingly or not.
What makes it worse is that it kills any chance of me having any type of romance, because I have no respect, and why would anybody be attracted to someone who nobody appears to have any respect for? And if they DO reach the point of liking me in any sort of way then the way people treat me upsets them to the point of severing that connection eventually anyway.
I'm nice to everyone. Always. I find standing up for myself extremely difficult because if I do people always seem to just get upset or hate on me even more and I get shut down very quickly..
I feel like this is starting to have a severe effect on my life due to having no confidence in anything whatsoever.
(Don't just tell me to find new friends.. I find making new connections almost impossible and everyone who knows me is already tainted by everyone elses lack of respect. It's not an option right now. I don't even have the confidence to talk to different people anyway..)
Thankyou in advance, reddit. | I get hated on by everyone, including my friends, no confidence, what do. |
t3_2m53g7 | askwomenadvice | I (23F) got hot chocolate with a taken guy (22M) today, how should I interpret this in the context of our friendship? | I met this guy at my second job last fall. I immediately had a crush on him. I thought there was no way he didn't have a girlfriend because he's so good-looking and nice. I was right.
We worked together for a while, then I quit. We worked at a tutoring center where often we were the only adults in the room. One of my last times working we went out to get Subway (which was next door) together. It was fun but not amazing by any means. I still found myself very attracted to him, though.
Fast forward about two months. We snapchatted and texted intermittently, nothing particularly heavy or interesting. I asked him to take my work uniform polos back to the center and he agreed; so we met up today.
We ended up getting hot chocolate at a coffee shop and talking for about 20 minutes before he had to go to work. Maybe I'm making too much of it, but while it wasn't really awkward (I mean, there were maybe a couple awkward moments) I kind of thought to myself, "What were we doing there?" afterwards.
We've talked about his girlfriend a few times, and I'm pretty sure he knows I'm single. Do you think he just views me as a friend? Subway and coffeeshop were the only times we've ever hung out outside work.
Also, I knew he was in a rush beforehand so I suggested we just meet in a parking lot and I would give the polos to him. When he arrived, he suggested we go get a drink at Subway (a different one, haha) when we walked by the coffee shop and decided to go there instead. | Got hot chocolate with a guy who is taken, not sure if he wants friendship or more, or if it is just wishful thinking on my part. |
t3_3ooae9 | relationships | I [26/M] need to teach my brother [21/M] life skills and help him with his depression | My brother and I still live with our parents. Our parents are extreme helicopter parents and I'm sure there's some mental illness in there somewhere. We did not grow up in a loving or supportive environment(in my opinion). I am not close with my brother. I'm not sure anyone in our family is close. We hardly ever talk or do anything together despite living in the same house.
He is 21 years old and has lots of problems. He has poor social skills and is extremely scared of people and social situations. He had some friends in highschool but I don't think he has any now. He doesn't know how to drive, doesn't go to school, and doesn't work. I don't remember the last time he left the house. His only hobby is video games. He doesn't know how to do basic life things because our mother always did everything for him. Like how to do laundry, cook, make appointments, grocery shop, etc. I'm sure he is very depressed.
I went through similar problems. I used to be extremely afraid of people as well but I mostly overcame it. I've been extremely depressed before and I know what it's like. I know what he is going thorough but I don't know how to help him. We are both very afraid of talking about our feelings. Not sure what to do. | My younger brother is depressed and scared of people. We don't talk but I went through similar things and what to help him but I'm afraid. |
t3_1kilvw | relationships | I [25/M] falling for one of my best friends [25/F] who is also a co-worker | Throwaway because she uses Reddit too
Long story short, I've known her for over a year now, and we get on really, really well. Over the last 2 months, we've started working together in the same company but different-ish sections of the company, and been hanging out, talking, texting with each other more and more. I really have fallen for her and want to tell her, but because we are working so close together and share the same circle of friends, I'm worried that if she doesn't feel the same way that it could make things become awkward both in work and when the group of friends are hanging out.
Any advice? | We're really good friends, co-workers, and I'm kind of worried that if I ask her out and rejected it'll make things awkward within work and circle of friends. |
t3_3f6q6w | relationships | Help me (25f) figure out what I want out of my relationship with (24m). Duration 5yrs. | My SO hasn't been at all very romantic since the honeymoon phase ended years ago. I did plenty of romantic things for him that helped me feel like we were in a romantic relationship.
Among other issues we have been having, my boyfriend lacks an understanding of romance. At this point, it has been so long since he has done anything romantic that I don't even really know what I would consider romantic. He asked me to tell him what to do, but I don't find that at all romantic, and I wouldn't even know what to ask for!
Help me bring the romance back into this dull relationship before I give up on it. | romance is gone from my relationship. What can I do to bring it back? |
t3_2apw33 | relationship_advice | Starting my [23F] first relationship since ending a LT abusive relationship....I can't open up to him [24M] at all and I'm scared I'll ruin it before it's really begun. | I just started seeing someone new (I've known him for years platonically, but we re-connected about two months ago and have been "hanging out" a lot since in non-platonic ways), after getting out of a nearly 4 year emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. I have been to counseling and thought I was fine...but we kissed last night for the first time and I am having some pretty confusing emotions. I *don't* have feelings for my ex anymore, but I can't shake this nagging guilty feeling for liking this new guy. That combined with a new, strange anxiety. Before the aforementioned LT relationship I casually dated a lot, and felt like I was pretty damn good at it. I rarely felt nervous, had practically unshakable confidence and could open up easily. Now that I've had a pretty traumatic serious relationship I am having a really hard time opening up at all. My ex used the intimate things I told him against me as insults when he was pissed. New guy is nothing like that, which is amazing, and I intellectually feel safe around him. The problem is that I am unintentionally feeling super skiddish, probably why it took almost two months for him to actually try and kiss me. I guess I'm looking for tips and advice on how to move forward after an extremely toxic relationship. I don't want to ruin something potentially amazing, that is currently making me happy because of that horrible relationship. I just want to move forward, I'm not talking to the ex and have cut him out of my life almost entirely, so it's not that I can't let go, I'm just confused and frustrated at how different dating feels now, compared to before. This man is seriously wonderful, so kind, so gentle and sweet, I don't want to fuck this up, but it's been two freaking months and I've known him for much longer than that and I still can't open up. Help please r/relationship_advice! | Ended an abusive longterm relationship, about three months ago. Am seeing a new really cool guy but can't seem to open up to him. How do I let go of the baggage from my last relationship? |
t3_1kgu49 | relationships | thinking about dating a divorcee-in-progress! help! m21/f21 | Hey reddit, so i need some advice. I recently came across an old flame (we are both military) and we have since hit it off. We have been texting back and forth for about 2 weeks and it seems clear that everything is moving forward better than i could have imagined. The only problem is, she is in the process of getting a divorce from her husband (also military--not deployed and it was agreed upon by both parties), and I am not sure if it is morally or legally or whatever okay to continue with this, being as she is technically still married and it will take a while for everything to go through. Neither of us really want to wait 6 months for this to be finished by moving forward, but I am worried that maybe us being together will affect the divorce and thus create negative effects on our relationship. Also, I'm not sure how it would look to the outside world that I would be dating an woman who is in the process of getting a divorce. damn I dont know what to think. | need advice as to whether or not i should move forward with a woman who is currently getting divorced! |
t3_3e63br | relationships | [20 F] I've been taking on extra part time jobs and responsibilities to avoid my boyfriend [22 M] of 2 yrs | To my family, it looks like I've taken initiative and have a sincere desire to make my resume look pristine, but I've been working 2+ jobs on top of school because I don't know how to say "leave me alone" to my boyfriend.
I don't have a car at school, so if I go to spend time at his apartment, he's my ride there and back. Which means I can't come and go as I please. And unless it's work, class, or a club meeting, I get a "what? do you not want to hang out with me? am I boring you?" if I so much as ask to grab lunch with a friend without he/she being in immediate danger.
I love the guy. I do, and when we do hang out, it's fun. But I can't keep signing up for things I know he can't do with me just to have scheduled "me time". | Clingy boyfriend won't let me leave his apartment unless my friends have been tied to a railroad track somewhere. how do I tell him i'm annoyed without hurting his feelings? |
t3_h9e9n | AskReddit | Very serious medical question. | Ive been experiencing diarrhea for a few days and have gotten to a point a couple of times where I cant pass what seems to be a large piece of stool, although gas and whatnot can flow around it. Also, when I try and pass that I bleed bright red, but only around whatever "it" is and no other time. All of this is accompanied by vigorous bowel noises. I have a fairly normal appetite, and no fever or nausea; tried mag citrate and a suppository, both which just made me shit water. I think I may have an obstruction or something. Quite honestly scared. If anyone knows what the hell is going on, chime in. If not, well you just got treated with some wonderful visuals. Enjoy it, Because I am not. | HELP |
t3_ccuyf | AskReddit | Many products state that they are "Made Fresh". Can anyone think of anything that is not made fresh? | This question came up when a coworker bought a package of cookies from the vending machine at work. The package says "Made fresh daily". However, since they don't stock the vending machine every day, the cookies were most likely not made on the day that they were bought. So we tried to determine what "made fresh daily" really indicated.
If we drop the "fresh" part, "made daily" indicates that the cookie factory produces cookies every day. This makes sense, although it doesn't really speak to the quality of the cookies. However, we couldn't figure out what "made fresh" indicated. What kind of product isn't made fresh? Can anyone come up with any distinction between "made fresh" and just "made"? | Does "made fresh" == "made"? |
t3_1grhsi | relationships | My(F/22) S/O(M/32) of three years would rather look at porn than be intimate with me. What do I do? | My S/O and I have been together for three years. We have always had a great sex life until about a year ago. Ever since then, he would rather look a porn when he's in the mood than be intimate with me.
Every time I'm in the mood, I approach him and let him know I want him. He almost always turns me down, saying that he isn't in the mood. The thing is, when he does turn me down, I know he masturbates an hour or so later.
I'm trying not to let this hurt my feelings, but it does get to me. I've tried talking to him about it, but he insists nothing is wrong. Does he not find me attractive anymore? Is he bored? It wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't throw myself at him several times a day to no avail. Has anyone else gone through something similar with their s/o? | S/O of three years would rather wank it to porn than bone me. I make it know I want his hot beef injection many times daily, yet he turns me down and wanks it. |
t3_2w3y0c | Dogtraining | Working with our reactive(?) dog. Just hoping for some success stories and encouragement. | We've had our pitbull/boxer mix for about four years now. She's approximately five years old. She's was very good for the first two, two and half years that we had her. Sweet to every dog she met, played nicely with all of them.
Within the first six months that we had her my parent's older cocker spaniel attacked our dog while she was sleeping during a visit to my parents' house, bit my dog, then myself and my dad when we tried to intervene. I was afraid that she would be traumatised by this, but she was still good with other dogs at this point.
Two-ish years ago one of my cousin's dogs charge her (not sure why) and they got into a pretty bad fight. Both dogs came away bleeding. After that was when she started having issues. If we met a dog on our walks that was quiet and ignored her, she was fine. But dogs that would bark or lunge at her would set her whining and pulling.
She escaped our backyard once when the gate was left open by accident, and she got into a fight with another off leash dog. We didn't see this happen, so we don't know what happened. Again, both dogs were bleeding. The neighbor's dog needed stitches (which we paid for). At this point I was deeply upset. Now we always double check the gate before she goes out. Kept her away from other dogs as much as possible when we weren't sure of them. We started looking for a trainer.
We've been working with the trainer for about a month now, and there has been some small improvements. She's much better on walks than she had been before. No more pulling on the leash, which is nice. She still gets upset when we walk past angry dogs, but not as much as before.
Anyway, I guess I'm just hoping someone could give me some encouragement, share their success stories. I love this dog so much, and I don't want anything else to happen that would result in another dog getting hurt, my dog getting hurt, us having to get rid of her, or put her down. It would break my heart. | Dog has become dog aggressive over time. Been in several fights, some she started, some she didn't. Working with training, hoping for encouragement. Thanks. |
t3_xyj9v | relationship_advice | Long distance relationship [both 23], and we rarely communicate | Hello friends,
I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend, Maya, for 4 years now, the last two of which have been long-distance. We quickly "fell in love" and we both still to this day feel like we have something special. We've both grown and changed since we were 19, but we have maintained excellent communication and are still crazy about each other. We took a break for about 6 months during the long-distance portion (her idea), both saw a few other people, but in the end she lamented how she wanted me back. We both agreed that we felt like we were perfect for each other and we got back together.
Fast forward to today, we've been back at it for just about a year, and our communication is horrible. When we see each other, it's perfect. But while we're apart, I can't get her to call me, text me, or even invite me to see her. We talk, on average, for about an hour once every two weeks.
I know we are both young and both working, so we don't talk as much as we'd like. But it seems to me that she would rather hang with her friends than make any effort to talk to me. I'm not the type of person that wants to chat all night; I just want to know she's thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about her.
This is eating me up inside. She's not willing to say she'll always love me, because we're both so young, which I understand. But if we're still trying to make this work now, I'd like to know she is just as into it as I am. Is this strange at all? | My long-distance girlfriend rarely tries to communicate with me. I don't wanna break up with her because I love her, but I don't feel that she loves me. |
t3_2sjv0u | relationship_advice | Boyfriend (m/28) wants to have a threesome but I (27/f) don't feel comfortable with this | My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We love each other very much and have a great bond. He is a wonderful man and i trust him full heartedly.
There is just one thing that really bothers me..he wants a threesome. I appreciate the fact he opens up about his fantasies and we talk about them but I just feel so uncomfortable with the idea of bringing in another person and seeing them pleasuring eachother, even if I am present too. I have previously made attempts to talk to other girls on dating sites, flirted and made out with girls in front of him to get things moving, and even tried taking a girl home but backed out of it and I was in tears all night. I have attempted in making small sacrifices because I want to fulfill his fantasy, but I feel as though I am also hurting my own self in the process. He has told me that it bothers him when I flat out say no instead of taking the chance on learning if I truly would actually enjoy these experiences. If I learn that I didn't like it after all, he said he won't bother me with it anymore and respect my wishes.
I'm a jealous woman..and have some insecurities that I have dealt with as a young child. I'm afraid that this will emotionally break me.
He doesn't want to be held back from living life and fulfilling certain wants and needs but wants to share this with me. He says he doesn't want it to be years later and still being restricted because it will make him feel miserable. It makes me feel guilty that I am technically holding him back from these needs..so I can try to keep an open and positive mindset and make the sacrifice in looking for a 3rd partner to get physical with but I already imagine this hurting me emotionally.
So I ask you redditors of the world...is there really some type of happy medium in this ? Am I overreacting or being selfish? I love this man so very much. And I know he loves me too..but I also realize how important it is for a human being to fulfill their fantasies.
Is there any way to get over these insecurities and emotions? | Boyfriend of 3 years wants a threesome but I do not. I don't want to stop him from his needs but feel as though fulfilling this need may hurt me too. Is there any balance or compromise in this ? |
t3_3zsiag | relationships | Me [21 M] with my girlfriend [21 F] of only about a month is abroad and I'm having trouble | So this girl took me by surprise at a college bar back in October and we have been seeing each other ever since, officially dating since mid November. She is now abroad for Six weeks in Australia and there is a 16 hour time difference. In person at school and even over Christmas break we were clearly in love with each other and I believe we still are, however she is just plainly not making an effort to communicate and it hurts. Before she went away we talked and basically the basis of it was that I would get a phone call once a day and text me when she was free.
I do get texts few and far in between which is OK but have only gotten one call...which was a result of her finding a romantic note I put in her lugage. Part of me thinks I wouldn't have gotten a call if I hadn't done that :(. I trust her 100% which feels amazing, but the seemingly lack of effort towards communication hurts. I have been supportive of her regardless of how little is seems like she is trying, because I do not want to push her away by bringing up issues the very few times we do talk. I am writing in my phone notes (like a journal) how I feel everyday so I can talk to her about it when she is back. It's really important for me to not do anything to take away from her study abroad experience!
Its only five more weeks and I know this is a bit dramatic, but it's really just a first time thing for me. Any advice on how to make this a better situation for myself? I have been keeping busy aswell I'm taking two classes and constantly working out, also Netflix on the side always helps. | My girlfriend is abroad and she's kind of treating talking to me like a chore. |
t3_387bdd | relationships | Me [23M], been in a relationship with my [23 F] for 5 years. I want to break up. How do I tell her? | First of all, sorry for my bad english.
I have been trying to tell her that I don't want to be together with her anymore for a few months, but I simply never managed to do so. In the past, she feared a few times that she would lose me. And now I want to leave her. For me, the easiest thing would be to tell her about her faults etc, but that's just not the way I really feel. It would simply not be honest. It is not her fault. It is nobody's fault. I simply do not love her anymore at all. I fear that she would not be able to go along with it, that it would hurt her like crazy.
How do I tell her? I NEVER find the right moment. Should I tell her when she is at my place? Probably not, because then she needs to go home. Tell her when I am at her place?
So damn difficult. | Been together for 5 years. I want to break up but I cannot find the right moment. |
t3_1e64ez | offmychest | Cheated with a girl... | I went hiking with a friend; I had a huge crush on her, but she was in a(n unhappy) relationship. We got to the top of this mountain and sat down on the cliff. At this point I had had a softie since we got out of the car, but that was soon to change. Within minutes I had a raging boner. Then our school's soccer team decided to show up. I knew a lot of the girls on there so the least I could do was knowledge their presence. They asked me to be in one of their (many) team pictures. I managed to get a look at one REALLY ugly girl on there and it was kind of oft again. Almost really awkward. It became awkward when the girl I was with noticed it. Then we made out, and then I lost my virginity. | Went hiking with a girl who was not single, but I had a crush on her. Soccer team showed up. I fucked the girl later that night. |
t3_2pnv6c | relationship_advice | [27/m] Trying to decide how to approach a potential new relationship | So I recently met a girl and we've gone on a few dates, and I've decided I really like the girl and would like to pursue it further. The issue is the girl recently broke up with her long term boyfriend (about 2 months ago) and had what she called an emotional breakdown recently and now is really unsure of whether she is over him / wants to be in a relationship quite yet, which I can respect.
So now, I'm trying to be respectful of her feelings while still trying to get to know her and become closer at the same time. She has openly admitted that she likes me a lot too and from the sounds of it her relationship with her ex isn't strong / having a great potential of rekindling but that little doubt in the back of my mind is there. My problem is, I'm not sure how to approach the aspect of dating and other girls. Do I continue to try to meet and date other girls in case things with her somehow don't pan out? Or do just pursue her only to not jeopardize what chance I have with her. I haven't dealt with a situation quite like this so it's really hard for me.
Sorry if this is kind of jumbled and doesn't make a ton of sense. | Met new girl |
t3_2lte7m | tifu | TIFU by being JEALOUs | \>In high school
\>Been liking this one girl since like the 6th grade
\>Knows I like her, really makes no difference what the shit makes
\>In all classes with her, [tfw](
\>So it seems like she likes me
\>But she also seems to like other guys, don't know why
\>About a week ago some guy was fuckin wit her and she kept smiling back at him and trying to creep on the low
\>But she can't have a bf til college (bs i know)
\> So she be smiling at the guy and sometimes at moi but my jealousy keep getting the best of me yknow
\>Start to rage and huffnpuff under my breath
\>Get so sick when she leaves to go to the bathroom I send the guy under 16 rock layers and pummel him out
\>Guy is unconcious gotta hide the body
\> Girl comes back I say the guy fainted when he slipped and fell
\>Mane she care bout him over me looking all concerned
\> And Then I realize she is just a happy person and nice
\>But I talk to her the most
\>And be the best to her so she likes me
\>And then I notice the guy got no pulse
\>momma oh laaawwd i jus killed a man
\> Don't tell er and get teacher he sees, whole funeral thing at the school
\>(i always knew i had the best muscles when raging)
\>But Srsly I feel so bad oh my gawd honestly for you: | killed a guy cuz of girl jealousy |
t3_1avtuh | relationships | My husband [33m] and I [29f] hardly have sex anymore | We've been together for 8 years, married for 4. We plan to get pregnant soon.
So, here goes. My husband loves me and I love him. E are great partners and friends, and like being around each other. Problem is - in the last few months, my husbands libido disappeared. We used to have sex once or twice a week and that was great for both of us. Sadly, in the last few months we have sex every few weeks and when we do, it feels like a chore - like he's not really into it. I tried to talk with him about it, and he confessed he lost his libido - he hardly even masturbates or think about sex at all.
We do have a certain degree of intimacy - hugs, kisses, dancing around and holding hands whenever we are out. He leaves me sweet notes, calls me sweet nicknames and tells me he loves me, but as you can see - the lack of sex is getting me upset.
I am on a ssri for anxiety disorder so my libido isn't so crazy to begin with, but this abstinence is making me e feel pretty bad - am I doing something wrong ?
Also, how can we try to conceive if we don't have sex?
I love being together, and I love him with all my heart, but I also miss being wanted and desired.
Is it just a phase that couples go through? Can I do something About it? | lack of sex in relationship is bringing me down. |
t3_39dv9u | personalfinance | Question about FAFSA/Last second loans | Hey all,
My dad decided to get addicted to fentanyl (he's an anestheseiologist) and lost his job. What this means for me is that he's refusing to pay for my last year of college because he can't afford my school + his rehab(it's something like 30k/3 months. My mom doesn't have much but is willing to pay for my living situation so I'm primarily worried about paying for school.
College currently runs around 32k a year for me. I'm one year away from finishing my B.S in Computer Science, have about 22k saved up (so I need 10k), am currently in an internship making 20/hour and I have the potential to get a job at 35/hour after. I'm not very concerned about paying off a 10k loan, but I need a way to get it, and in ~2 months. What is the most reasonable loan I can find for such a high price tag and with such a little amount of time.
Thanks! | Dad's a druggy, I need quick money |
t3_y8e6y | relationships | I [M/20] told my best friend [F/19] that I have feelings for her last night, she has a BF of 2 years and I don't know what else to do. | So last night, me and my friend smoked up together and hung out the entire night. I've been friends with her for a long time now and only recently developed feelings for her as we've been hanging out more often. She's currently in a 2 year relationship with her BF, and knowingly, I still told her anyways that I had feelings for her.
After dropping her off and once I got home, I texted her how I felt about her. Before I texted her though, we talked on the phone for a bit and I asked her a hypothetical situation. I said something along the lines of "I'm scared if I became close friends with a girl and I told her I liked her, it would ruin the friendship." To which she replied, "I think you should definitely still tell her how you feel though after a couple times hanging out with them." I knew very well of the repercussions this could have but still did it anyways because I felt I should tell her the truth rather than not saying anything at all. I know this could've put our friendship in jeopardy today because she hasn't replied to me since or talked to me at all since last night.
I texted her: "Okay so yeah whatever I brought up before was totally about us. I'm still kind of scared telling you this but I developed some feelings for you. I just held on to it for awhile because I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry if I made things really awkward now. I totally want to respect our friendship, I had to tell you the truth." | I texted my best friend last night in which she's been in a relationship with her current BF of 2 years that I recently developed feelings for her. She hasn't replied back at all today, and I'm not sure on what to do now. |
t3_50g2lm | relationships | Myself (24/m) and my new Asst. Manager (40+/f) | Alright, so about a month and a half ago, a new assistant manager was hired at my job and spent her first week managing my usual shift. For the next 4 evenings, I'd find my sexual frustration in an absolute uproar.
I'm one of the few single men working here, I like to think I'm handsome, but I'm not exactly a flirt. Hell, I'm basically celibate (it's been 5 years). But 5 years of averting obvious hints can make for irritable loins and all of that comes to surface when your MILF of a manager is constantly rubbing her somewhat overexposed body against you just to grab a pen you could've handed her... regularly.
By the end of her first week, shed already told me about her man whom of which she talks to on the phone regularly but never sees because he lives in another state. Really, she came out of nowhere and informed of this when we were in the managers office alone.
She's caught me taking glances at her chest tattoo and didn't seem to mind. She's always picking me to do things for her around the store. She's always complimenting me and is just generally more friendly towards me than most others.
The problem is, as stated above, I'm basically celibate and love to play oblivious. I'm so used to not giving in to a woman's flirts that I do it subconsciously but there are women put there that I want and this is holding me back. So I'm here, on the beloved Reddit, asking my fellow bros and ever enlightening sisters to tell me what I need to do to give the women the green light. How can I, within professional means, tell my manager that I'm totally open to having an affair with her...?
I have work in about 12 hours and she's working today. Thanks in advance! | My new manager is a cougar who's throwing strong sexually suggestive waves my way and I need help finding a "professional" way to let her know I'm totally open to the idea of us fking. Thanks. |
t3_tyc1j | AskReddit | I got stopped and search by the police because my "walk had no purpose". What ridiculous reason have the police stopped and searched you for? | I decided to go down to the shop and get a couple of chocolate eclairs after my dinner for desert. As I approach the traffic lights outside my flat the police pulled up beside me and got out. "awright son. What you upto this evening?", I reply with "going to the shop to get some chocolate eclairs" At this point we all realised this sounded ridiculous and they decided to search me. I asked why and they said "we watched you come out your close along the street with a walk with no purpose and your answer was a bit out there". Obviously they never found anything but it was a pretty ridiculous reason.
What ridiculous reasons have you been stopped and searched for? | Got search by the police for looking like I have no purpose and successfully got some chocolate eclairs. |
t3_12bilw | relationships | Help!! I(21f) am feeling neglected by my SO(22m), am i over reacting? | We have been together for about 2 years and are very serious about eachother(plan to get married). Everything is usually wonderful with him we are very much in love and happy, but I have started noticing these new habits of his and it is starting to bother me..We do not live together and only see eachother on the weekends for a couple of hours because of our school/work schedules. When we are together everything is fine but during the week is a different story. He used to text me all the time and also call me whenever he could and he has basically completely stopped doing that. He could go an entire day without calling me and I feel like I am really lacking attention from him. I tried explaining it to him and he does not seem to think it's a big deal and always blows me off.(also he has plenty of time during the day to call/text me so having no time is not an excuse). I feel like he just does'nt even want to talk to me or care most of the time. I'm just a little confused and don't really know what to do. | SO(22m) is not giving me(21f)the attention I feel I need throughout the week when we do not see eachother and it hurts me. Over reacting? |
t3_2dqmyq | jobs | I just turned 18 and got my first drivers license and I am going for my real job. I Need advice. | By real job I never went out and looked for a job and stayed with the one that the department of labor gave me when I was a kid. Yeah kinda living a sheltered life during high school. Has anyone have advice for someone looking for a job elsewhere? I would like to know what type of clothing should I wear for my casual "looking for work" and please do include pictures? (I'm serious here no joke) Do Job agencies work? I live in LongIsland, New York if anyone from New York could help me no meet up.
Also this is what I'm planning to do while looking for work.
* Look for vocational classes in the health care market because the job there pays tremendously well. My friend worked as a CNA after he graduated high school and moved to California to focus his career in business. Definitely attending vocational classes while attending college beside my parents are paying for it and I got a scholarship money to Stonybrook University and I just need help looking for work and yes I am planning to go back to The Department of Labor because they had a program where they help people prepare for work which I didn't do due to my school work. | Vocational school |
t3_2gf7w5 | relationships | Me [22F] with my BF [27M] for a year, does not enjoy sex with my boyfriend. | I'm very happy with him except, unfortunately the sex isn't great between us. It's not that he's bad or we've "lost it", it's just for some reason when we do it, I don't enjoy it and it's always been that way with him. I'm extremely attracted to him physically and emotionally, but my body doesn't respond the way I want to.
I know part of the problem is that he goes for a long time (20 minutes is short, usually closer to 45 minutes), and eventually it starts to hurt and we have to stop. I'm also too sensitive in certain areas, to the point that just touching it causes me to be in pain and less sexually willing.
I haven't had this problem with the majority of the other relationships and sexual encounters I've had in the past, however they do last a lot less time.
My boyfriend is extremely sexual, constantly touching me and propositioning sex essentially non-stop throughout the day. The idea of having sex with him makes my body non-responsive for some reason.
Does anyone have any advice as to how I can start enjoying sex more? I'm open to trying new things whether it be how to make him not last as long, how to desensitize me, or just in general how to change my negative outlook on sex and turn it into a positive. Thank you for your help! | How do I enjoy sex with my boyfriend who lasts too long for my taste? |
t3_231awc | relationships | Me [21M] and my [20F) GF have been dating for 6 months very in love but she has slept with more girls than me | I am in my first relationship but have had minor connections with other girls and sexual experiences. My girlfriend has had 3 long term more serious boyfriends most of which ended badly all of whom I knew as friends. in between she has had sex with a few girls "for fun and dumb luck" we knew each other in high school and were friends but didnt start dating until college. we are very deeply in love and she has told me things she has never told anyone or trusted anyone with. recently we have been talking about are future and how happy we always make each other feel and how well be lucky if we can make this last forever. I however am jealous that she has had sex with more girls than me. I have no idea how to categorize or what to make of these feelings we have talked about it before and brushed off because I really don't want to be with anyone else and she absolutely doesn't. still i cant get away from these feelings i feel innately wrong as the man in this situation. its something that makes me feel terrible and extremely confused when i think of it and its hard for me imagine living the rest of my life with that fact. I dont know anyone who has come close to a similiar experience so i need your help. I really do love her and it really pains me to think of being without her but at the same time I feel like the disparity keeps me from really feeling comfortable with our future and my self | can someone help me understand how I feel or how i can get over this? |
t3_150kj5 | relationships | My ex-girlfriend 19/F broke up with me 19/M without any explanation. It has made it difficult for me to move on... Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? | So my ex-girlfriend broke up with me over summer a couple months before we were both going to college and never explained why. Everything seemed to be going fine in the relationship (We had been together about 4 months and friends since middle school before that) and she told me she thought the same thing. Only that she knew her feelings had changed. She said that she used to like me a lot but one day she just lost the "spark". So we broke things off and hadn't really talked much since then.
Unfortunately we share a very close group of high school friends. So we have been seeing each other somewhat often now that it is winter break... It has brought my feelings for her back up. I talked to her about possibly getting back together since we ended on good terms and she said she wasn't sure and just wanted to try being friends again first. I guess I have just found it really difficult to move on because I never got a reason as to why she lost feelings for me. To me it just doesn't make sense. Has anyone lost the "spark" before? I'm just trying to understand where she is coming from so I can move on. I guess I feel like we should try again because I'll admit our communication wasn't the best the first time around. It was the first relationship both of us had had. So that's the only explanation I can think of as to why things ended.
Right now I am considering asking her if we can try dating again with better communication. If things don't work out then I would completely accept it. However if she doesn't want to try again I would prefer not being friends because I just need to move on. Only thing is that is basically an ultimatum for her which seems kind of rude on my part but it's the only thing I can think of. | Girl broke up with me without a reason. Left me lost, confused, and wanting to try again. |
t3_sgnte | AskReddit | Reddit, what is the most hopelessly romantic/desperate thing you have done to get someone's attention? | Mine is: Two years ago, I had gotten in a fight with my ex gf. She was quite angry at me and didn't want to speak to me at all. Not even over say messenger. So I thought I'd get her attention in a different way, and I had to get creative.
I had already made a plan; I bought the ingredients to make my plan work. I bought a huge balloon, and filled it with helium. It was large, red, and shiny. I tied it across her bedroom, this was she'd have to see it first thing in the morning as she'd wake up. She was Russian, so on it I had written "Sorry" in Russian. At the bottom of it I had her favorite chocolate tied to the rope of the balloon, along with a letter I wrote to her.
It was the most I had gone out of my way at the time for a woman. I was very excited to see how she'd react. She ate the chocolate, kept the balloon, and never replied to me. Oh well, at least some memories were created along the way. | In Soviet Russia, women not call YOU. |
t3_22hz1s | relationships | Me [17 M] with my girlfriend [17 F] just ended our brief relationship before becoming too serious due to us splitting apart next year. | So last week my girlfriend of over a month broke things off with me. She has been really stressed out with family health and getting into schools and had come to the realization that our relationship had an expiry date. She had done long distance with an ex and knows it's something she can't and won't do again. We won't be going to the same school next year and I'll be away for much of the summer. She told me she felt bad and guilty about how this wasn't because I did anything wrong. And how she couldn't give all of herself to this and get too serious knowing we had an expiry date in the back of her mind. Were both the same in that were rather mature and serious. I said I was ok being the one more invested in the relationship but she told me that wasn't fair to either of us. So in the end it was sort of her decision but I'm entirely understanding and don't feel badly towards her, even if I had hoped to keep going till the end of our time together.
We've had a thing for eachother since primary school and had been dating since January. So where do I take it from here? It's not like we ended with any hard feelings and I don't know how to proceed. What would you recommend in how to proceed? I really like this girl and have for nearly the majority of my life. I know it's a little naive to think well meet again but right now I'd like to see that happen, not that any of us are silly enough to change our future plans to do so. | girlfriend and I broke up because she doesn't want to do long distance again and so well have to split at the end of HS. She can't give all of herself knowing we'd have an expiry date. |
t3_4e1oq8 | pettyrevenge | Walmart x Old Lady | I usually head to Walmart during my days off in order to get groceries for the week, or a few snacks for the weekend. So, I grab my cart and head inside for my weekly adventure.
I pick up all of my items, and put them in my cart. Having enough of the Walmart view, I head to the cashier lane and patiently wait for my turn. Once I'm able too, I place my items on the track and stand beside MY CART for my turn to pay.
As I'm waiting, an old lady comes up behind me with about three or four items in hand. So I smile and put a bar to separate my groceries from hers. She doesn't acknowledge me in any form, so I turn back to wait. She then proceeds to put HER items in my MY CART.
Clearly she's senile, or doesn't understand I still plan on using my cart after I'm done to bring all those bags to my car. So I smile and look at her and politely say "I'm sorry I still plan on using it" but the old bag doesn't acknowledge me at all. She doesn't even look up from her magazine rack eye-screwing.
So at this point, I'm getting annoyed. I tell the cashier I'll be right back and head over to the entrance to grab a brand new cart. As I head back to my lane, I purposely SMASH my cart into my now older cart. This finally gets her attention. She frowns at me and proceeds to tell me she's old and needs the cart and I clearly don't. I choose the approach of ignoring her completely. | Old lady stole my cart in Walmart and ignores me, so I took a new one and banged it into her. |
t3_hqhpm | AskReddit | Parents won't help, no job, no money, dying | So I recently moved back for the summer from college and have been desperately trying to find a job, but have had zero luck. My parents refuse to give me any money or allow me to stay at "THEIR" house now so I've been staying at a friend's apartment. I have 44 cents and have nothing really but some clothes and a laptop. I was thinking of selling my laptop for cash, but that would make it nearly impossible to apply for jobs because I don't even have gas money.
I'm in desperate need of help of some sort, but there seems to me nothing I can do. I can't get a loan because I need a cosigner and I can't get a credit card because I have no credit. Don't tell me "oh you just need to try harder to find a job" because I do nothing but sit around and apply to every single possible place of employment all day everyday.
I tried to ask my college that I just transferred to if I could register for summer classes so as to get stafford loans, but they told me I have to wait until the fall. I am freaking out as to what I am supposed to do to even eat now. | Parents and everyone are dicks and will not help me financially. Cannot find a job. No money. Need Help. Just suggestions. |
t3_43iznf | relationships | My girlfriend of six months [22F] admitted to me [23M] that she is emotionally unavailable. | I lurk on this subreddit all the time, and now I need some help.
I met my girlfriend at a work function back in May, and she's been my girlfriend since the start of August. In October, she met my family and friends when one of my high school friend's got married. Then, she told me that she wasn't ready for me to meet her parents, and she told me that she would tell them about me by January. I was kinda hurt, but I understood because her parents had to rescue her from an abusive relationship last year.
Surprise, surprise. Her parents still don't know about me. I have been kind of pressuring her about this, and it came to a head last week. I told her to tell me the real reason why she couldn't tell her parents, and she told me, "Because I thought by now I'd have deeper feelings for you."
She told me that she doesn't want to lose me, and she wants to be with me. She said I'm very special to her and that I'm funny, smart, and sweet. She enjoys spending time with me, and she appreciates all of the little things I do for her. But she doesn't know if I'm the one or not. I told her you can love someone and still not be the one.
After a night of girl therapy with her best friend, she told me she's figured out that she's emotionally unavailable. Now, I've told her I love you and meant it for the last few months. I was convinced I was going to marry this girl one day and be happy forever. Should I break up with her, or should I give her time to fix herself? | Girlfriend is scared of being hurt in a relationship, what do? |
t3_2wcqv5 | Parenting | My kid is picking up on bad habits from a friend with a delay. Really need some help. | Background- My very good friend and I have kids who are 2 years old but 5 months apart. My little one started talking early. She was well over 100 words before her first birthday and now, she's talking in 8 and 9 word sentences. My friend's little one has a delay. They just started with early intervention and are taking all the appropriate steps.
The problem- My daughter is picking up on HORRIBLE habits. She is mimicking her little friend's ( for lack of a better word) "baby talk" . At first my daughter would stop as soon as we came home... but now it takes longer. This morning I took her to a play date with a new friend who's daughter is at the same speech level and my kid talked baby talk to try and communicate with her.
I'm frustrated and I need advice on how to handle this. What do I say to my child? Not letting her hang out with the friend is NOT an option. This is a dear friend of mine. | My kid hangs out with a kid with a delay, how do help her from picking up bad habits/regressing??? |
t3_25boji | relationships | I [25/M] have been struggling with jealousy when my [21/F] girlfriend goes out dancing | My girlfriend and I have been together for roughly two years. Our relationship is semi-long distance, where we see each other on the weekends.
A couple months ago she took up east-coast swing dancing, and now goes out once a week. She's made a close group of male friends who she regularly dances with, and it's become an important part of her life. She's often out from seven past midnight, and gets a late dinner with them after dancing.
A lot of jealous feelings have bubbled up inside of me since she's taken up the hobby. The idea of other guys holding her and developing an intimate relationship with her bothers me. It can make it difficult to sleep and focus at work. I've talked to her about it; she offered to stop going, but I know this is an important part of her life and don't want to disrupt it. She's exchanged numbers with a few of them and considers them good friends.
Could you give any advice for dealing with these jealous feelings? Are they normal? I want to be supportive of her hobbies without second guessing her trust. Any advice would be appreciated. | My girlfriend's recent dancing hobby has brought out jealousy in me. I would like advice in dealing with it. |
t3_qatvz | loseit | To all of those who have reached their weight goal: | How on earth did you manage to lose the last 10-20lbs?
Do you have any advice for someone who is at the last leg of their race?
It appears that my diet game plan (and exercise plan) isn't being as effective as I want it to. After four weeks without a change, I am beginning to take it as a cue to do something different. I've been suggested to find a weight training routine, and I am going to try to integrate it in my exercises. What do you guys suggest for a diet, then? Since keto is zero carbs, did you up your carb intake for weight training and the like? What diet did you guys switch to? Paleo/Primal? TKD, a CKD? | Stats: |
t3_25hkaj | relationships | Co-Worker Couple [both 25]. I witnessed her cheating on him while he was out of town. | Last Saturday I was at a bar with some buddies. I saw the receptionist from my office there, I went up to her and said hi. Later, on the dance floor, I see her making out with a dude that is not her boyfriend. She leaves with him in a cab.
Her BF who I also work with was out of town. I'm not really *friends* with him, but I'm friendly and we play basketball together sometimes.
I know that the right thing to do would probably be to tell him what I saw, but I don't want my name attached to whatever office drama ensues, or to possibly get a bad reputation.
What should I do with this info? Is there a way to let him know cleanly? | Saw my co-worker cheating on my other co-worker at a bar. Don't know if I should tell the bf. |
t3_2kv762 | relationships | Me [23F] with my boyfriend [25M] 5 months, ex invited me to his birthday party. I want to go but I don't want to take my boyfriend. What's the etiquette for this anyway? | FYI I'm not planning to cheat or anything. I only dated my ex for 3 months or so at the start of the year. We got on really well but had no chemistry so we split and have since been dating other people. We still chat every so often on Facebook but haven't caught up in person for months. Anyway, his birthday's coming up so he invited me over for drinks. I've been spending a lot of time with my current boyfriend so the party's probably going to come up in conversation. Is there a good way to say "I'm going to my ex's party and you're not invited"? Thing is I've been taking him along to my other friends' events because he's been wanting to meet new people and those friends generally bring their dates to everything. But I've hung out with my ex's friends and his friends don't really bring their partners so it would be weird to show up with some guy none of them know. Now that I've established a precedent for taking him to everything I feel like I've manufactured a dumb problem for myself. Wat do? Does it even matter? I'm just trying not to be a dick here. | I don't want to take my boyfriend to my ex's birthday party. Ok? Not ok? |
t3_3yfy9u | tifu | TIFU by stroking the in-laws dog. | So today was the last day of our christmas visit home to my wifes parents. We were up early to take a shuttle bus home so everybody woke up at 6 to wait for the bus and say our goodbyes. Needless to say I was more than half asleep during this.
So we were all sat in the living room as we tend to do, generally it is me sat on the couch with their cute lab laying down to the left of me who has always for some reason taken a shining to me. I sat down on the couch and just watched the TV which was to my right, and then reached to my left to start stroking the dog.
However...my half asleep mind after an eternity of 5-10 seconds noticed her coat felt different...I looked to the left and yes, I had just spent 10 seconds rubbing my mother-in-laws leg in front of the whole family. We shared the most horrifying, awkward 2 seconds of eye contact I will ever experience and no comment was made.
I told my wife what had happened when we got on the bus and she lost it and will tease me for the rest of our lives. I don't think I will be able to look any of them in the eye for a long while, and I keep cringe-groaning every 30 seconds. | thought I was stroking a cute lab, was actually re-enacting a brazzers scene. |
t3_44ckim | relationships | [20F] Friend [22F] tries doing Sexual stuff with me, I don't want to | I met this girl at work a couple years ago and we've became pretty good friends, we have very different personalities however. I'm very introverted and not a social person, and she's into partying and stuff like that, and I'm consverative, she's super liberal. Lately when we hang out she's been wanting to do sexual stuff with me, and it makes me very uncomfortable and I don't know what to say to her. We've made out a few times, even though I didn't want to. She has grabbed me sexually several times and tried initiating sex, and I tell her I don't want to do anything with her, I'm not bisexual, etc. But then she tries saying I'm not being very openminded and basically pressures me into doing stuff and makes me feel bad if I don't. She has fingered me and that's as far as we've gone and it was so uncomfortable for me and I really want to tell her how it makes me feel when she pressures me into doing stuff. What do I tell her? She has a bit of a temper and I am kind of afraid of her, and she's accused me of being homophobic before just because I told her not to touch me. I'm not homophobic though whatsoever, I'm just not attracted to girls and don't want to do sexual stuff with one. | My friend pressures me into doing sexual stuff and makes me feel bad if I don't do it. |
t3_v9d6r | AskReddit | Anyone interested in a small application - The Sockodile Hunter - that can compare selected account to detect sock puppetry? | Edit:
I should have said *hypothetical* application. I'm asking whether I should try to make one, not announcing that I have one available.
--------
With all the theories and discussion related to which power users are actually behind other user account, and with all the goons who use sock puppets to overthrow and manipulate discussion on lesser levels, it seems useful to have a way to determine whether two or more accounts are likely under the control of one person.
I'm not statistician (and would need help along those lines for this to work at all) but I am a programmer. I can guess that there will be certain alignments between accounts that may be telling when taken as a whole.
For example one account may reply to another account's threads or comments with a greater than average frequency. Multiple accounts may show different cycles of activity according to time of day, or they may line up strongly within the same daily period. The subreddits which they comment on may line up. I'll quit making up examples since that part isn't my thing, but you get the idea, and I'm sure that other people can think of much better tests.
What I could contribute is the code for the user interface, the gathering of all required data from reddit (either through their API or by scaping), and an embedded python interpreter so that people could easily write their own sock puppet test modules and add them to the list.
Each test script would return a value indicating the amount of correlation found. The user could adjust the weight of the value from a given script, to tune it or exclude it from the evaluation.
You couldn't set it loose and tell it find all sock puppets, but you could ask it whether "karmanaut" and "shitpants" are the same user. | oh well, whatever, nevermind |
t3_1g7ye6 | relationship_advice | Me [16/m] is trying to ask out a girl [18/f] out. Not sure how to approach. | I apologize in advance if I'm doing something wrong; new to this reddit stuff.
We met very recently. We hit it off pretty well. We have talked a lot during the time we've known each other (4 months) and we share many similar interests and traits. I feel that we are completely compatible with each other. What seems hard for us is the age difference between us and the time we get to interact with each other. Sure we've talked a lot but it's only when we're both on facebook and she doesn't have a cell phone. We've been able to hang out a couple of times but that's pretty much aware. I've dropped a couple of hints and she KNOWS I like her and I have feelings for her. But I'm not sure if she's at all interested. I'm mature about the matter but at this point I'm confused and unsure what to do. | 16 year old me likes 18 year old girl. Wants to ask her out but doesn't think she's interested. Age difference and time we get to interact with each other is somewhat tough. Help? |
t3_3iqq65 | relationships | Urgent! Should I[F21] tell my close friend [F20] that her boyfriend [M21] was flirting with another girl? | I'm meeting her in half an hour so that's why it's urgent!
The other night she was crying on my shoulder saying he doesn't love her anymore and the relationships rocky.
He said her aniexty is too much to handle, but then a few night later were out without her and he flirting mercilessly with this girl, walked her home and all. I don't have proof he cheated but he was buying this girl drinks all night....
My friend is such a lovely girl but he's also a very close friend of my boyfriend and has been for 4 years. I have a habit of blurting out the truth when I should stay quite and it will be really difficult not to tell her! Especially when it's all that's on my mind!
So do I tell her or just listen to her today? | should I tell my friend her boyfriend was flirting with someone else? |
t3_3fffno | relationships | I [18 M] want to break up with my Girlfriend [17 F] of a year and a half, but I still love her. | Hey /r/relationships! I love this subreddit and the people on it so I was hoping you guys could give me some advice.
So I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now and everything is great except for one thing; I want to break up with her. The issue is that I don't really have a reason why. We get along (most of the time) and I think I still love her but something feels off. She gets frustrated easily which leads to anger by which she takes it out on me.
Example: the bus leaves early so she misses it, but another one is in 10 minutes. She then comes to my house super angry and upset and is super irritable.
I know I'm flawed too. I don't get angry easily but when I do I get really really angry (not to the point of abuse in any way) just yelling and "snapping back". So, we both have our issues. But with school coming up she gets stressed around this time of year. Last school year she was almost intolerable with her bad mood, yet I still loved her. But now with school coming up I don't know what to do; I'm scared that she will be like this again but we also have our moments of extreme happiness with eachother. I still love her but something is telling me to break up with her but I don't know what!
Have you guys ever been in a situation where you're not sure whether to break up with someone or not? Do you guys think we should? please help /r/ relationships! | Don't know why I want to break up with GF because I still very much love her, but I do. Please help! |
t3_3io6dh | tifu | TIFU by throwing a centipede out of my window | Happened just now. It's around 3 am, and I'm doing uni work for a deadline I'm unlikely to make. Just when I hit the lowest point of my night with a terrible mix of despair and stress, I look around my room. I'm still not sure if I'm happy or not about that decision, because what I saw was the mother fucking queen of all centipedes crawling from underneath my bed and coming at me with an alarming speed. Now I'm usually not too terrified of insects, but this fucker was absolutely massive, so my sleep deprived brain immediately kicks into fight or flight mode. I grab the nearest cup, hoping it's big enough and trap the beast underneath.
So now I'm considering my options. There's no way I'm killing this thing because, again, the fucker is huge. I'm pretty sure I'd throw up if it made a crunching noise and there'd be a mess. So out of the window he goes. There's one problem with that. In front of my only window is a huge desk, and because I'm short I can't reach it without some acrobatics. I hop on the desk and open the window, slide a sheet of paper under the cup (leaving a smear that looks like one or more centipede legs) and start climbing the desk again. However, during this process my sheet of paper slips a little bit. At this point, I'm with one leg on my desk trying to not knock over a lamp, one dangling in the air, one hand holding the paper, and one holding the cup. I watch in horror as the monster centipede sees its chance and crawls out onto my arm, and one full body flail later I smash my ribs into my desk while I hear the sound of something breaking on the pavement outside. The centipede is no longer on my arm, and I don't see it, but I keep feeling itches everywhere and dear god I hope it went with the cup. | Found a massive centipede, tried to throw it out of my window, body slammed my desk, lost a brave cup in the process, centipede may or may not still be here. |
t3_2vdjdk | relationships | [Update] I [24/M] am suicidal and saw my girlfriend [F/23] of 4 years getting kissed by a guy I know. | Part 1:
So this update was planned for next week or so, but I read what a lot of you had to say, and one of the messages I got, and I called her over to talk. She also brought J over...
As soon as I saw him I went crazy and he started blaming me for getting my girlfriend depressed, so he hit me...I hit him back and this went on until my roommate called security and they made J leave. So this already started of bad.
We went back inside and I sat her down and told her to tell me what happened, I wanted to know the full truth. She cried for a couple of minutes, and tried to get me to comfort her, but I was too hurt to touch her. She eventually told me that she was getting lonely, and she felt that I was...weird. She said that J offered her friendship and companionship that I couldn't. She cried a lot and said that she was sorry, and that she didn't mean for the kiss to last that long, but that it made her feel safe. She told me that she still loved me, but my roommate was in the other room, he saw me tear up and she walked herself out.
I've been in my room for the past 5 hours now....I don't know what to do, I don't feel sad, I don't feel anything. The only thing I can think of is how unfair this is, I don't know if I blame her more than I blame myself.
Reddit, I want to die so so bad right now, but I have to break up with her. How should I do it? I still love her....I know I have no reason to, but I do. So how do I break it off in a way that is okay for me..and her. How do I deal with this.. | Girlfriend admitted to cheating, I don't know what to do anymore. |
t3_31ae3s | relationships | Girl [25/F] I am dating is currently drunk at a party and sending me text's and snapchats that I [23/M] don't know how to reply to. | I have been dating this girl for a few months (not exclusive) and the last 2 weeks we have been getting more serious. In the last week i have met her family and spent even more time with her daughter. I get along perfect with all of them and she loves it.
Currently she is at her best friends party. I could not attend because i had a family lunch i needed to go to. She has texted me a few times saying she is drunk and mixing drinks. I have been replying to her like normal. Have fun, be careful, wish i could be there. Just the normal stuff.
She then sent me a snap chat with her in her bra saying it's topless time. Again that was fine i didn't care, honest. Then she sent me a picture of a guy's back who has a huge back tattoo and labeled the picture "tattoo and a half". This is a guy she used to sleep with. It doesn't bother me to much that he is there, it just bothers me that she is clearly trying to make me jealous. I have a lot of tattoo's and she has told me before how much of a turn on she finds tattoo's.
She has also sent other messages like she hurt her back because everyone is wrestling and that her friend pulled her tits out of her bra. I have no idea how to react. I know on some level she is trying to make me jealous and i have no idea why or what i should say or if i should say anything. If i am negative in anyway i know she will make me out to be the bad guy. So what do i do? | A girl i am dating is drunk at a party and sending me snaps that are clearly trying to make me jealous. I have no idea how to reply to her or if i even should. So what do i do? |
t3_2lo1pb | relationships | my gf 45f has been lying to me 35m for months? she's currently sleeping off a week long bender after coming "home" in my bed . | im drunk now after going through her phone. she said i could .
turns out at least 3-5 coworkers are using along with her (brought her in on the "fun")and its been going on for months. this has been a source of friction for at least a few weeks before i confirmed it after watching her do a line in my driveway in a "helpful friendly and concerned" coworker's car. he was taking her to the same place i had to go a few hours later . she came back i called her on it she said she would take a drug test and after the second one (one day apart.) i kicked her out for lying.0 anyways i want to know how to deal with the coworkers . | girlfriend relasped using meth with our coworkers how do i deal with the coworkers? with out ruining lives . |
t3_1vqifd | relationships | i 24m need advice on 23F for valentines day | Instead of putting things off until last minute i have decided to start thinking about it now since it really is coming up fast. So a little background, we have been dating for close to 4 months. We did celebrate christmas by getting each other gifts, (both gifts were under 100$). No jewelery or anything like that just simple, hey i know you like this so thats what you got. I was really debating getting her jewelery but I thought about it hard and realized that is probably not a good idea. It's just too soon, maybe for valentines day. When our relationship first started, it moved fast. We havnt had intercourse, but it felt like anyday we would. Fast forward to now, and the relationship has slowed down. You can say we are past the honeymoon stage. We had a little sex talk and its not going to be anytime soon, which is perfectly fine with me. The L word has not been used yet either, and most likely will not happen for quite a while.
Obviously I'd get her flowers and chocolate as i know she loves both, but is that too much or not enough? I feel like getting her a dozen roses seems a bit tooo much but then getting 6 would feel awkward (unless i mix and match other flowers too). Because its still cold where we live there isint really much we can do besides go out and eat. Any ideas on what we can do? Also, does it have to be on valentines day, like can it be on a more convenient day? VD is on a friday, and damn, will everyone and their mothers be out. | I dont really know how to go about valentines day. |
t3_1dlht6 | dating_advice | Back again because things got weird...so confused. Update #3 (20/f) Had a huge crush on (22-ish?/m) last semester but was super shy and never told him. Wondering if I could redeem myself or if I should just forget about it (long story). | [First Post](
[Second Post](
So we were texting on and off for the first few days after he read and replied to my message. Everything seemed great, we were both excited for me to come home etc and had cute conversations. Then on the 10th we were talking and he told me that he was "free the rest of the entire night so we can talk as much as you'll let me talk to you :)" I then replied to that and he never answered. Five days later I shot him a text saying "hello :)" to which he replied "hiya!" and then I sort of got in my head about why he didn't reply days ago and didn't reply back to him. My friends told me to try texting him one more time. On the 22nd I shot him a text saying "Hi :) what's up?!" and he replied "Whoa! Long time no talk dude! how are ya??" to which I replied "I know haha! I'm good, how are you?" And he never replied after that. Obviously today is now May 2nd, I'll be home on the 8th and this whole situation is just confusing as fuck. I'm really not one to keep contacting a guy if he doesn't reply and I'm just wondering what you guys think I should do/what happened? I mean I don't understand why he'd be seemingly so into me and then just not answer...maybe there's something I'm missing here? | things were going great the first few days. He then didn't reply, I texted him a few times after not talking for days and he replied enthusiastically but then didn't answer again. I'll be home in less than six days and I'm not sure now... Wtf happened/what do I do? |
t3_1ol8nr | relationships | I [18m] get extremeley uncomfortable whenever an SO of mine does things I don't and I hate myself for it. | I am an 18 year old male in community college and this has affected more than just my relationships. This problem comes from the fact that I don't drink or smoke and I don't like parties. For most of my relationships this wasn't a problem because my girlfriend didn't do any of that stuff either. But with my last girlfriend it was a problem, and it evetually led to her dumping me.
We started dating during senior year, and up until the end of the summer there weren't any problems. We didn't need to drink, smoke, or party to have fun, so we didn't. I found out that she had drinken a little when she was a freshman and even that bothered me, despite it being so far in the past. After summer she went to a college that was a few hours away and I stayed home. As soon as she got to college she started partying, started to drink a little bit, and joined a sorority. Everytime she told me about a night of partying I felt sick to my stomach. I hated hearing about it but at the same time I was jealous that she was having so much fun. This led to communication problems and she decided to break it off.
I don't know why her doing that stuff makes me so uncomfortable but it does, and I hate myself for it. I feel immature and stupid for not accepting what she does and for not doing some of it myself. I was uncomfortable when some of my friends started to do it as well. I want to stay sober but now that I am in college I see that finding someone who has the same stance on these things as me is going to be near impossible. I don't know what to do and I am so upset because of it.
Thanks for reading, I would appreciate any help at all. | I don't drink, smoke, or party, but SO did. Made me uncomfortable and led to her dumping me. Hate myself for my own views and don't know what to do. |
t3_4u7kgv | relationships | I [21 M] am looking for advice to invite a [21?F] in my class out somewhere. | In one of my college classes this summer there is this girl that I'm really interested in the problem is I'm a really shy guy and I haven't been in a relationship or gone out with a girl in almost 4 years because I'm scared of rejection and I don't know how to start conversations.
She started sitting next to me the first day and I didn't sit next to her again until recently but I listened to everyone's advice and I bit the bullet talked to her this time about an exam we were going to have the next day.
We talk more but I get this friends only vibe but I'm actually cool with that since its At least a step forward for me. I wanna ask her out for like lunch but I'm scared to, I need help. Asking her to study and get coffee won't work since we both don't do the homework and the class is super easy, it's also super fuckin hot here. Any ideas? I'm also not looking for something super boring like a dinner date with a movie. | Need help inviting this girl in my class out. |
t3_2ciq2t | relationships | Me [17 M] with my girlfriend [16 F] 6months, yesterday she told me she had a short relationship (and sex) with a teacher [30something M] of hers and now she expects me to just get over it | So yesterday me and my girlfriend went out, had something to drink, just a nice evening, when I decided to tell her a secret that was bothering me (nothing bad, doesn't matter what it is). In response she also told me a secret but as it turns out, I rather wouldn't have known.
She told me that last summer she had a relationship with her teacher from high school and they had sex. She was 15 years old at the time, he was in his thirties! She told me she really liked him and they both knew it was wrong but that she made the decissions and she was "the adult in the relationship". She keeps protecting the guy and doesn't think he should be punished but in my opinion he has all the responsability and he was the one who should have known it was wrong and should have stopped.
She says he still sends her texts every know and then and she wants to meat her again when she turns 18.
I really don't know what to think of all of this. If she can fall in love with a teacher, what is the value of our relationship? why does she keep protecting him and does she think it is not a big deal? I want to turn him in but she really doesn't want to but i also know that if I would, he would be banned from the school they're at and everyone would find out, ruining her life.
What should I do? I still really love her but I can't help these feelings being a bit opressed by feelings of disgust and I will never be able to forget. | girlfriend had relationship with teacher, told me and now just wants me to be okay with it. |
t3_252r8o | relationships | Me [28M] with my Ex-GF [26F] -- jealousy ensues. | Sorry for the wall of text. I hope you read it anyway.
Here's the background – Friends for 3 years. Best friends for the last year of that, which lead to dating. We dated for 3 months. She ended the relationship. I was devastated, and as a result, our friendship was ruined – probably because for me, it was too hard to be friends with her. Par for the course for these things, right?
Anyway, she moved on 3 months after that and started dating someone new. Fast forward to today (a little more than a year after we broke up) and she is now recently engaged. I thought her engagement would really hurt, but things are not as bad as I thought (meaning I'm not permanently in the fetal position and wallowing in self-pity), which I'm taking as a sign of healing. I would not say I'm totally over her or healed, but that has more to do with the fact that we don't have a friendship (or any kind of relationship for that matter) more than the end of our dating relationship. Honestly, if I had to sum up my current feelings, they would be: I wish I could be happy for her engagement and for her, especially considering the fact that we were once such good friends. But I'm not. I'm still hurt by what happened.
All of that being said, this is not why I am asking for help/advice today. My problem today is the fact that we have a lot of mutual friends. I'm going to say this, even though I am aware of how childish and immature it sounds – my problem is that it's hard for me to see my friends be happy for her, as if their happiness for her equates to support for her (ergo her moving on from me...) and betrayal towards me. Because it feels like betrayal.
Sages of Reddit, please help. My depression over the last year has really clouded my vision. I'm looking for some compassionate and understanding advice, yet some thing that is honest and is the right thing to do.
Please help. | – Friend becomes ex. My friends being happy for her feels like betrayal towards me. |
t3_4pg6qw | relationships | I [30 M], like her [35 F] style, but not her behavior | This girl is incredible. Super-sexy, super-cool, fun, passionate, charismatic, super-smart, she adores me, and we have an amazing connexion, sex is mind-blowing.
The problem: she is flighty, unfocused, can't put her mind to anything. She hasn't had a job in years. She's stuck in a rut in life. She gets emotional, and expects me to support her.
I kinda want to support her, because I love her and all that, but I feel I'm getting the worse end of this deal. I've got her job offers, useful connexions, opportunities, fun times, and she's incapable of giving me anything in return because she's such an emotional trainwreck and unsuccessful. I've lined up 4 very promising job offers for her during our relationship, but she's made nothing of them because she is emotionally stuck. I can lead the horse to water, but I can't make it drink.
I'm starting to think she's holding me back. I'm starting to think maybe I should say goodbye to her and try to find another woman of this quality - it wouldn't be easy, but I could. | Should I stay or should I go? She's an awesome, but acts like an idiot. |
t3_53jblu | relationships | I'm [21 M] and my significant other is [25 F] been talking for two months, she has a 2 year old and I have big dreams, how can I make this work? | I've been in relationships that have last at most of 8 months and she's been in relationships that have lasted at the most of 4 years. She's worried that I'm just fucking around with her and going to burn out and leave her around the same as my other relationships. But, despite the brevity of my past relationships, I've wanted relationships that she's had but there was always a combination of the person not being right or me not being ready so I would end things fast to not waste my time because I always have this anxiety that I need to be working on my skills of drawing to make a career out of it and alongside working in restaurants to be a great chef. Her and I's relationship is great and I love her 2 year old, and don't mind that she has a kid and is older than I. But where things get complicated is when people tell us that either one of us aren't good for each other. For me, "you're not ready for that, you're 21 you need to focus on yourself, etc." For her, "he's too young, he's going to hurt and leave you. he's just a player." We try not to let it get to us because the other people aren't there for the nice little moments that make it all worth it. Other people just hear our anxiety driven rants. For example, the other day I talked to my sister about me assuming that I wasn't good for her situation because of my drive to achieve, and my sister suggested that I end it. With that seed of an idea in my head I went in spewing things, that we should end it being best. While I was saying those things, inside I didn't want to and I was so upset to see her hurt like that because of me. Now she's on the guard, for good reason, but I'm trying to heal a wound now and it's frustrating because we're on the same page but she's having to second guess things now. | How to ignore worries that things aren't right and let both of our situations grow together. |
t3_478ory | relationships | My[20/F] bf[23/M] told me I'm the first white girl he has ever dated | He is Hispanic, and always dated Latina girls. Throughout the relationship (7 months), he has made comments comparing me to other races. For instance, "You're just as crazy as Latina girls.". He has made it clear that I am not his "type".
I know he is physically attracted to me though, and we have a great sex life. I still can't help but constantly compare myself to other woman now. We will go to parties where there is an attractive Latina girl, and I wonder if he is more attracted to her.
It is the first time in my life I have actually felt uncomfortable being white. I always dated a variety of men, so it's strange to think he was only attracted to a specific race. I've had numerous discussions with him about this, but I don't think he will ever understand the standards he unknowingly places upon me. Is this just my own jealousy, and if so, how do I begin to feel more comfortable with our relationship? | I feel inadequate to other woman, and would like to know how to change that. |
t3_25o2wr | relationships | I [24M] need to finally break up with with my [22F] of 3.5 years, but we're going away next weekend. Before or after? | After a very long period of procrastination, I've finally had it with my relationship. I decided that I wanted to end it a few months ago but it's taken me until now to truly want to get it done.
There's not necessarily anything BAD about it, which is why it's taking me so long to deal with it, it's just not working for me any more, it's a pretty classic case of just needing to move on. Obviously our lives are very intertwined and we share many friends, so I want it to be honest, and respectful. I know she'll hate me for a while but i'm sure someday down the line we can be friends.
I've put it off for far too long and I am more ready than I have ever been to have the conversation,
Here's the catch:
We both have tickets to a music festival next weekend. We are planning to drive with one of her friends, but i have many friends going as well.
I know it's kind of a dick move to end it before a trip, but on the other hand I've been making these same rationalizations for months. The festival is big enough that we probably wouldn't see each other, but if we did I could foresee some ugliness.
I know it seems like "Man, you've been dating for 3.5 years, i'm sure it can wait another week", but I have been thinking about this for WAY too long, and I don't think I can fake it any more. I already feel guilty for not acting on this sooner, it's disingenuous and not fair to her.
Do I break up with her asap or do I wait until after the festival? | I have finally come to terms with wanting to end my 3.5 year relationship with my girlfriend, but we are going to a music festival next weekend. Should I do it now or wait until after? |
t3_1635vp | AskReddit | Reddit cubicle dwellers - what do you do that helps you motivate yourself to actually do what you're being paid to do? | Motivation like "do this or you'll be fired" don't work on me, in fact they have the opposite effect. Likewise the simple reward of having completed a task doesn't seem to be a strong motivator even though the feeling is awesome and I like it.
When I am motivated I churn out quality work and lots of it. I can sometimes do in a day what others do in a week. Unfortunately this means sometimes I trick myself into thinking that I've done 2 hours work in 1 hour therefore 1 hour of "downtime" is justified.
I know I should be working. I know I can do the work. I like finishing the work. I love my job. But sometimes I get into periods of time where I literally sit in my chair doing nothing but stare at a screen with the feeling that everyone else in the office is working hard and I'm not pulling my weight. This can be an hour, a day....sometimes a whole week of literal zero productive output. I've seen people, smart people, be in the same position and either not progress their career or worse, lose their job at the next round of layoffs.
I don't want to be that guy. | what's your best tip for getting out of a lull and back into working? |
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