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i really need to fcking end it i can t take it anymore here | 1 |
i just want the pain to end | 1 |
i have too many problem on my plate work is a commitment responsibility are a commitment family is a commitment therapy is a commitment basic hygiene is a commitment taking care of myself is a commitment gaming is a commitment having friend is a commitment talking to people i care about is a commitment not falling asleep is a commitment caring is a commitment eating is a commitment taking my med is a commitment the list could go on forever i m not subscribed to earth yet living here is a commitment | 1 |
i think i ll try tonight i ll go on a late night walk and accidentally trip in front of a car that way if i fail i won t have to deal with all the shit | 1 |
no really i m just angry at the world i have mental illness and everything but i really blame the world because there s no system that can help me i m sure y all feel the same we re forgotten and fall between the crack and there s no help i m angry that i can t get better angry that i m getting worse angry that i probably can t off myself without my sister quickly following the fact that i can t escape this life because i have loved one just actually is almost rude love shouldn t make me feel trapped in existence but it doe i m running out of money because i can t work fulltime so it look like if i do end up dying it ll be at the world s hand not mine | 1 |
i m an awful person i treat my friend like trash and they don t care about me which they have the right to do if i died literally everyone i know would be better i m being a dick to my best friend and she still tried to make me feel better why i don t deserve that i wanted to overdose today but my mom doesn t have any pill for me to use i m this close to ending this shit i m pathetic and nobody is worth le than me | 1 |
you can be a guy or girl just make sure your an adult that s 0 year old and up just trying to make friend i legit haven t had a friend in year i do get depressed from time to time but i m currently not that much i don t have the gut to end it because i fear the unknown but i m here and gon na continue to do good in life for my own happiness any like minded people i can talk to lmk i m here to listen just don t be crazy | 1 |
i want to die so badly even just cut do something to ease this pain but my mom took all my blade all my option even my medication i have no access to anything anymore and i feel empty hollow i want to die so badly but i cant because i have no mean thats the only real reason i m alive right now is i dont have a way to unalive send help im not well im cry everything is terrible and i want out there really should be a log out option on life so you can take a break and come back if when youre ready to face this hell | 1 |
i m so scared of you these day i miss being happy | 1 |
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right | 1 |
last night my girlfriend 0f of two and a half year told me 0m that my depression symptom have been taking a toll on her she told me that she see my progress and my growth but this is in summary a she talk around her meaning it s not enough it s exhausting her and making her feel poorly my exhaustion and lack of self and confidence and inner love so i had to apologize to her last night and i m trying to show that i m growing but i feel so fucking hopeless right now and it s only been getting worse i joined this community because i m sure i won t actually do it but i need something to remind me and something to feel le alone because holy fuck am i alone i feel devoid of love and worth and i m struggling to find way to place it on myself i can t validate it if it s for me and i can only form a half life of happiness if i use someone else a the foundation so that s superficial i m really trying to keep going but it s so hard it s exhausting i just want to sleep all the time there s so much more in regard to our relationship i ve been trying to support her and make amends for who i wa when we first met i brought my trauma into it and lashed out at her in way of gaslighting infidelity and emotional neglect she didn t have any trigger for me to lash out at her i just thought she wanted to use me for self satisfaction but i m told that s love now i m confused there are two side of my mind one an optimist and a lover the other a cynic and a narcissist i want to purge my brain of these thing i m sorry this is so scattered i ll try to speak more coherently later brain no work | 1 |
my other alt account wa deleted so i m posting here today i had a mental breakdown on the basis of what i feel are good thing in my life disappearing inexplicably oftentimes whenever i attempt interaction with aforementioned good thing the last straw wa today over a fairly trivial issue but i broke down because of so many thing that had happened recently in my past that i wa unable to shrug off my life is fairly good and i am very lucky to be living in a household full of opportunity however it feel a though whenever i try to fully indulge in what s provided to me whether it be by my hand or anothers it s normally gone in no time flat about the call i wa in the middle of my breakdown and tried to take the rational course of action calling the hotline because i desperately needed to talk with somebody only to vent my frustration and promptly be hung up on by the person on the other end of the line i tried calling twice more ok case i hung up on then by accident but wa almost immediately disconnected and the last time wasn t able to be connected with anyone fuck what if i were actually about to commit suicide and just wanted someone to talk with only to find out that they didn t care about my problem either it anger me just typing this i m sick of living this way i don t think suicide is the answer but i really just need someone to talk with about my frustration thanks for reading and hopefully your day is better than mine | 1 |
i 0f already struggle with suicidal ideation i m just tired so tired this last six month ha been the toughest six month of my life i ve been with this guy 0m for five year he ha been a step up dad for my daughter 0f nearly from the beginning of our relationship very early had always plan to get married and have child together my feeling for him have always been so strong he always made me feel like he wa different like he understood my trauma and wanted to hold my hand through my healing not set mine and my daughter life on fire i moved to the other side of our country to be with him we have had ups and down i found out six month ago he ha a new girlfriend and she also a a you g child f long story short he s leaving me for her our lease is up at the end of april and my daughter and i have nowhere to go we will be homeless for a while until i can move back to my parent my ex husband m found out we won t have a stable place to live for a little while and is filing for custody of my daughter my ex husband is it ha been extremely abusive to me since i wa none of the abuse wa ever documented because i never wanted to call the police he always made me feel like i deserved it i ended up losing my well paying job due to my emotional state my daughter and i don t have family or friend here none that aren t deeply tied to my now ex bf i don t feel like i have deserved any of this shit im the go to person that always help everyone now i m going to have nothing and i have no one willing to show up for me and my kid we also have two dog i will have to rehome because he refuse to take them and i can t hardly care for myself and my daughter right now i m literally about to lose everything i ve been chewed up and spit out my whole life i suffered a lot of emotional and sexual abuse a a child too i don t genuinely want to die but i also don t want to feel anymore like i really don t know if i could survive losing my daughter that kid is my world please how do i make it stop i can t go out like this | 1 |
i want doctor assisted suicide no one care a store i wa at last night wa being robbed i didn t hide just went about my business thought it would be best for my family and me if i wa killed the police didn t care they never showed up the loneliness is unbearable | 1 |
i feel like people would be better off if i wasn t here anymore i m considering jumping off a bridge i feel so trapped in my own emotion after losing a good chunk of my friend purely because i ended a relationship that i wasn t happy in i feel like a horrible person and the idea of jumping off a bridge doesn t upset me anymore i feel happier that if i d want to end it i could and leave my family with more money time i m conflicted i want to die but what would become of my family my sister my remaining friend what about nicole would she be able to handle another friend ending their life how about snowey he is like a little brother too me what about my sister could i leave her during a crucial time in her life i don t know life is so painful right now | 1 |
i have no will to live anymore but i cant kill myself because i dont want to hurt my mom or anyone else who care about me i fucked up my school career and have no motivation on anything in life and im only year old sorry for my bad english lol | 1 |
i just want someone to give me a reason not to go down this spiral and no one will everyone ha their own life and he s going to leave me soon i know it he s tired of the cry and self harm if he leaf me i ll just be alone and i ll have nothing left to live for | 1 |
if you ever read my post on my profile you know that i have an obsession about being a cheater i ll worry and worry etc i read something very triggering on reddit and i decided that i don t want to be on earth knowing that i did that to someone or if i did | 1 |
you ever see a grassy hillside and want to just melt into the soil and be consumed by the plant | 1 |
she wa my only hope the only person i thought loved me she only love me a a brother her ex which i m friend with showed me a message of him asking her what if i had a crush on her august 0 in january we kissed and everything then after a couple of day our love stopped i keep telling her that i love her and care for her and she doesn t say it back i m alone alone forever i have a knife next to me i m scared to do it tho i m scared of death but wan na die | 1 |
i stood up for myself about not being credited for artwork used by my school and now somehow that ha lead to a teacher talking about me to my peer behind my back and me being harassed by a woman who work for the school on their drama production i contacted my principal and he ha not responded my mom say if i go to anyone higher up i will get in trouble i feel trapped everyone hate me now and the rest of my school year is going to be horrible i feel like the only way to fix this situation is to die i fucked everything up | 1 |
i m really desperate i m a yr old guy with no job even if i graduated from college no girlfriend never kissed or hugged a girl in my life no real friend most of them are toxic amp manipulative nothing special about me i don t know if i m pretty or ugly smart or dumber i m so confused about my self image it s like i live in hell get rejected by ton of girl ton of job offer i feel like i will live my whole life virgin single jobless loser i m too nice too shy always extremely anxious and stressful dealing with brain fog bad accent shitty voice low self esteem zero talent nothing good about me only good at math amp coding i can t hold a good conversation with anyone only with my mom amp my brother i feel kinda confident speaking and it s been a while i m depressed living with a dark mood i feel like i m a loser amp i can do nothing i can t even go to gym practice favorite hobby or enjoying any movie youtube video video game etc i don t know what to do with my life i only think about option therapy ending my life sorry for my english it s not my native langage | 1 |
i ve been in and out of mental hospital for about year now i m just turned thing get good for a bit and then they get better and it a vicious cycle i m on med to help with anxiety and adhd but the thought just wont stop i counted all my med to see if it enough to die and od my parent don t really care because im sure my mom saw my new self harm scar and said nothing i relapsed really bad again and because of how open they are i m afraid of an infection i just want help but i m scared i m a burden my mom is sick right now and we dont have money to send me to the hospital again id rather i just die kinda instead of having to deal with everything i m bottling it all up again and turning to self harm idk what to do anymore i m so tired | 1 |
sorry for the depression i have some problem that are long term and i suffer every second of everyday i am so tired of the mental pain of suffering everyday my eye will never be the same again and i only use my right eye i don t want to have such a shameful death but i wa wondering if you people believe this can possibly be a good choice i am about to have exhausted all of my treatment option | 1 |
the suicide hotline take hour to respond i ve fucked up every relationship that i had by trying to be funny and the other person being creepy and lied to everyone i know why should i continue self harm doesn t do anything anymore nothing brings me joy i have no future because of my mental problem really why do i stay here the one reason i still live is because around new year an online friend of mine at the time attempted suicide i got so fucked up then i couldn t function properly for a week i couldn t talk to anyone the one reason i am still here is because i thought people would feel that way about me but a ive lived and breathed i have come to realise that isn t true my friend will be glad i am not around them the only disappointment they will feel is that they don t have a vulnerable little shit to kick around my family will be glad that the failure in the family is finally gone and the school will pretend to be sad for a month make it about how mental health is important tell people to be kind about one another then forget about me i won t stand out im another human being in the 00 billion that exist i don t even know if im real i don t want to be here so might a well leave | 1 |
im letting life pas by because im so stressed and cant deal with my problem so i just hide away and isolate myself and it starting to harm me where im currently cry because i have no solution for the hole i dug myself in help me please | 1 |
i got broken up with overnight a year relationship because she thought for a week that she s falling out of love i am absolutely devastated i can t carry on with my life and truly am considering ending it all i think i am gon na do it because she wa the only one for me what is the best way not to hurt your family thanks | 1 |
i m so sick of the grind that is life i m so done kill me please | 1 |
im this year when i finished school i started a business and thing when great too great because i made alot of debt at the time it wa not alot and now over the course of month ive lost the business thanks to covid i now work a a car salesman im married and my son is week old but now i sit with debt that i made while i wa make x what im making now and i cant pay it i cant provide for my wife or son ny wife dropped out of university because i cant pay it anymore tomorrow ill sell my last few possession do i can make it through this month but i plan on ending it soon atleast then my wife can collect life insurance and she will be set for life a for me i just needed to rant ive made up my mind | 1 |
i have never thought i d reach my 0 cuz since my early year i have been suicidal my life ha always been the worst i wa given the worst family my parent were when i wa born they were totally unable to raise a kid yet they decided to keep their pregnancy being a teen parent in a country where abortion is 00 legal since 9 is at least a huge stupidity i don t even have to say that my childhood and teenage year were creepy i went still do through need i had the worst and cheapest toy basic clothes the cheapest cell phone etc people are like forget about the past and focus on the present how do y all think it s easy to forget about poverty no it s not i can t forget all the humiliation abuse and privation i had to go through i m now totally hopeless still suicidal and i m pretty sure death is the only thing that can take my pain away and sooner or later i ll end up a a suicidal person i ve already tried to wait and see if thing get better but nothing changed thing get easier for a short period of time and then get unbearable again i just hope i die soon and all my pain fade | 1 |
it s just too much how do you know you re close is it when you start planning the detail | 1 |
i m year old and i wish i wa born into a traditional family like the american family we see in movie a close knit and loving family not necessarily rich but with enough money to have a comfortable life travel with family on vacation christmas eve dinner etc but i wa born in a third world country where there is not much possibility of being rich and people are not a educated and refined a in first world country nor is there a high human development index my family is disunited there is no affection between u and we barely have enough money to survive but the biggest dream of my life is to one day have a family like the one i mentioned before united loving rich and happy i really want to have at least one daughter and a wife and on vacation we travel together to fascinating place go on a safari in south africa see lion elephant giraffe up close climb the andes mountain range embark on a transatlantic cruise in short many adventure and family memory also for this purpose i m already studying several language through apps but given my current situation all this seems to me to be nothing more than an impossible dream it s a if i look in the mirror and see that my true image is completely different from how i would like it to be it s like a beggar in rag looking at a rich man in a suit and envying his life i m studying software engineering at college and it give me a little hope that maybe i ll get a good job move to a better place maybe a first world country take my family with me and there i can make my dream come true but speaking like that it seems like i m dreaming too high it seems that this life i dream of having is not for me and i should just to accept my third world life is it possible for me to have the life i want or should i confirm myself with a mediocre and unhappy life i m not to give up on my life anyway i ve dealt with severe depression and existential crisis before | 1 |
i m a m recently diagnosed with autism and adhd i have a long struggled with mental health i have attempted suicide a numerous amount of time been addicted to drug several time and i have given up completely my mum ha cancer and is going into surgery next week to have half of her lung removed my youngest brother ha non verbal autism and i think about what he might be like if he wasn t autistic and all the thing i would ve done with him one of my brother died six hour after he wa born from heart failure and the only memory i have of him is having my photo taken beside his corpse dressed in pjamas before he wa buried a a result i constantly breakdown whenever i remember or see anything from my childhood i wa bullied by my only friend group when i wa because i wa anxious about talking to my crush at the time and it got to the point where they made me extremely suicidal i wa then in an abusive relationship during the pandemic where i wa constantly gaslighted verbally abused emotionally abused insulted threatened with suicide and self harm a a result my severe anxiety and depression ha been increased to a point where i can t even go into school from how overwhelming it is i haven t been in since early february and i m on different medication for my mental health adhd and sleeping problem my life is so fucking miserable and i hate myself my inability to do anything and how i look i just want to completely tear my body apart from how disgusted i am being in my own body and i just want to kill myself more than anything a i know nothing will improve in my life and i will always forever be like this just getting worse and going down a further spiral | 1 |
i just don t want to live with out my wife it s been nearly six month since she left tomorrow morning i want to go jump | 1 |
i want to get help so bad i don t want to keep with the if all else fails i can always end my l fe mindset i m just scared because even if i do seek out treatment and for once i find a therapist psychiatrist who actually work for me i m not sure it s going the solve enough to make me want to keep fighting for this life there are so many issue right now so many thing i ve fucked up considerably even if i get to a place mentally where i feel like i can tackle them there s no guaranteeing i can actual change my situation i just wish i didn t have to wake up and continue to make my life worse i m a pathetic person i disgust and humiliate myself i m not meant to be in this world i m not meant to succeed in it im not meant to be anything or anyone other than this miserable lazy poor excuse for a law student i hate the person who look back at me in the mirror more than anything i just wish id never had to know myself | 1 |
i wa really stupid and ordered nitrogen gas without thinking of a back story because i stupidly thought they wouldn t ask well i got a call an hour ago asking what it s for and i folded he could tell it wa bullshit and i sent an email asking to cancel the order and now i m scared i m going to get sectioned edit the cop actually did come around today because of this but i wasn t sectioned | 1 |
people don t care unless it affect them i hate people | 1 |
life is genuinely so miserable and i quite frankly don t want to keep living like this but at the same time not only am i afraid of dying i literally have no accessible mean of dying either im too much of a pussy for the more violent kind of death and i dont have access to any of the item required for the easier way out all i am capable of doing is waiting for something to magically happen shit is so fucked and im tired | 1 |
throwaway in case i don t go through with this i have a loving boyfriend and i love him so so much but for some stupid fucking reason i sexted with my friend and i regretted immensely so when he eventually found out i apologized a much a possible and somehow he forgave me then it happened again and i just want to die now i have failed a a boyfriend and ruined something beautiful now my boyfriend and the friend i had the affair with hate each other and i never heard from the friend since it doesn t help that he ha several suicidal thought and now i just want to kill myself so nobody else get hurt all because i m a stupid piece of shit who deserves to be burned alive | 1 |
simple holding gun to head purposely overdosing and ending up in the hospital more complex standing in the kitchen holding a knife searching the house for anti nausea pill to keep down the rest of the pill writing contact info on a sticky note to keep on your person so the cop can identify the body when doe one cross that line what defines a crisis | 1 |
i ve been in therapy a few month cbt he mostly just advises me to try to stay in the present and mediate at first it seemed to help a little but the larger issue i have won t stop bothering me i make good money and i m not bad looking at all but i have basically zero friend and i haven t been on a date in over 0 year im and i ve been thinking about suicide a lot but i obviously can t tell my therapist or he ll get me emergency petitioned im really not sure what to do my anxiety and depression just seems to keep getting worse i can barely get myself to eat most day let alone exercise or try to talk to someone | 1 |
hi friend i hope you all are well well i should explain myself i guess i don t feel like i exist i mean that i don t have many people in life and those who are i don t see them missing me friend are nonexistent i do have a few acquaintance i guess i ve tried to make new friend and reconnect with old but school work and the guard don t allow for much down time and it s like i m the only one trying so why bother the logic also go into my luck on dating though to be honest i haven t really been trying i think i would rather make friend first work school and the guard are just thing i do now i don t really do them because i want to but because they re thing i have to do and i don t remember why i just do them like i m on autopilot my family is currently ripping itself apart i ve known my parent haven t been happy for a while but i didn t realize how deeply they hated each other and in their crossfire is everyone else i ll keep it short but somehow a hundred mile away they still managed to hurt me a way i didn t expect and i ve decided to cut tie with my parent for the mean time at least my brother are quite literally the only thing keeping me tethered to the world i don t want to hurt them but i just don t feel any joy in any action i take or any agency i just feel numb to everything not angry not upset not frustrated just hallow i don t feel like the same person that played lego batman with his brother split a milkshake on his boyfriend played minecraft with his parent partied with his friend took pride in what i did could claim myself i m just not i look in the mirror and i don t feel like a person is looking back at me just this husk and i don t know how to undo that i don t know how i got here i don t know how to feel like a person again and not this ghost haunting the park i walked and the clothes i wore well thanks for listening to my rambling i wish the best for you have a good day | 1 |
i constantly feel like harming myself i scratch myself hit myself in the face and constantly think about suicide i need a therapist but have no insurance i can t afford it but need it why am i living if it s going to be this way i threw away all these metabolism drink because they are making me insane my heart beat so fast and i can t for my mental health drink them anymore i m and feel mentally ill | 1 |
to end this shitty existence | 1 |
is this common or am i just the only one who s like this | 1 |
i want to die so bad and i might carry on with it | 1 |
i feel like shit i just want somebody to talk to idk if that s too much to ask for | 1 |
cliche i know but my girlfriend left me we had been together for about and a half year our anniversary wa coming up in july when we met i wa depressed and had been planning suicide she pulled me out of that and gave me purpose and happiness now that she s gone i realize i ve been living my life for her and now that i m alone i don t know what to do with myself i have no other want than her and it feel like she s the only person or thing that can make me happy again i ve lost all interest in my hobby and i have no motivation for school which i only started so i could make money for the family i had dreamed we would have i feel like i m right back where i wa when she met me alone and depressed with no motivation and no desire to continue | 1 |
i wish i succeeded those few year ago i wa so close but pussied out and hurt my neck pretty badly i wish i just kept up there for a few more minute then i wouldn t have had to deal with the absolute failure of a person that i am i want to end it i m useless and a horrible piece of shit i ve done some pretty bad shit and no matter how hard i try to fix thing to try and get my life together it just doesn t work i m now physically sick all the time in pain homeless and stuck in a fucking town i wish would burn to the ground i get bullied and mocked by the entire shitty as street i m in for being under a homeless organization for whole year i ve been begging for a house begging and begging asking for this asking for that can i please try and get this house no u can t can i please try and get this house no it all taken i ll never leave this hellhole i ll never get better nothing will ever get better so what s the actual point i m even too lazy to fucking kill myself even though i have the perfect plan grab my rope grab all my pill and favourite alcohol walk to the wood with my favorite stuffie and end it all by the place i felt peace for the first time i ll watch the water of the lake and then i ll finally be at peace and no more pain no more sorrow no more bullshit just nothing but no i m too tired to walk it i m too tired to write a letter i m too fucking tired to do it the reason why i haven t done it i need to take care of my boyfriend i don t care for anyone else because all of them are lying fuck but him i need to stay strong so he get a home so he can live happily but i don t know maybe my death can boost his chance of getting a better life it may hurt now but maybe my death will grab attention to him and then he ll get all the help he need might a well just got ta pick a date | 1 |
in the last month since june 0 i have made bad decision after bad decision to the point where i have completely screwed my life apart i lost my gf because of it i lost my mentor which i loved so much because of it i am in major debt because of it the last month messed my life up and i know it s because of me i end up hurting everyone i love i loved them both so much i have been telling myself the same thing over and over again if i 00 knew that i wa going to heaven if i wa 00 sure that i wa going to god i would have killed my self a long time ago | 1 |
life is so much pain and it get worse every year everytime i make a step forward life fuck me stepps back i just wish i could do it now today i don t even care anymore that my mom will be sad i never asked to be born in the first place should i do it end my life end this pain | 1 |
i seen it all out here i ve dealt with the younger generation which i don t mind for some of them are very respectful but then again some just turn it around and just want to be with an older woman for sex where are the compassionate people anymore in this life i m screaming out for someone to listen a i would listen to you i don t want to die but i m so tired of this life | 1 |
please kill me now i cant find remedy to this life i m literally numbed past few week me m month away from graduation but felt like failed list of failure inferior such that cant make a single friend 0th grade math mark such low that school didn t accept me grade wa c i am not dumb u fuking teacher th mark wa low bullied to mental illness in new school took admission in nice college using dad money first time felt dumb stupid useless wanted to die never been in a relationship don t know the problem there at this time upon i wrote this not a single person is there i call someone my friend many more such incident small or big are there it will take eternity to tell them all cant do suicide because i m scare of the pain cant live this life because what i have become and it giving me so much pain is there any cure is there any hope give me a pause button please please | 1 |
im home alone for the first time in a while cant help but to think now is the time to do it hate my mind think this way but idk how else to think | 1 |
i m had a suicide attempt around month ago and am struggling to move on after it i tried to overdose on my antidepressant i wa in the hospital for day on the psych floor until i got released since then i moved across the country and am living back at my parent s house in my childhood bedroom i applied for medical disability from my h teaching job am currently in therapy twice a week and thinking of outpatient program my antidepressant were increased along with adding a mood stabilizer all my life i ve never taken medicine and now i am on pill each day i am back at home and have no friend here i use no other social medium other than reddit due to my social anxiety i just adopted a cat for company but he hide from me all day i just feel so stuck and alone i ve been depressed for so long and am not sure how to move on i feel like i have regressed so much everything that i feared for my life when i wa young ha come true i am with no partner gay no job and no close friend my self esteem is shot and last night i cried for an hour when my dad sat beside my bed some day i feel ok but most day at some point i feel hopeless again honestly i don t know what to do with myself each day all my interest are gone and it is hard to just get out of bed anyone who ha been through this how do you move on i still feel i haven t completely processed the attempt | 1 |
i m just really out of motivation damn i felt more depressed then i ever thought i d be a week ago and the week before that my depression is getting deeper and deeper | 1 |
i just fucking hate my self i m turning into a fucking loser i ve recently pushed my girlfriend away by being a fucking depressed loser i fucked it all up just by not trying hard enough and i hate myself for it she wa the only person who actually loved me and now she doesn t want to see me anymore i don t know why i m surprised how could i be able to maintain a serious relationship when i can t even show up to work on time i never thought i would ever find love but i did and i fucked it all up fucked up the only good thing i had in my life work suck life suck and i m just soooo fucking over it i m not cut out for the ups and down of life i m just not cut out for life in general i m a fucking lost depressed loser that at the end of the day ha nothing to be proud of tonight i really just want to kill myself and end this hell i don t think i can take this shit anymore man | 1 |
you probably know how i m feeling about it lately when my mom s been calling it sound like she s been cry i wish she hated me like she should | 1 |
my father disagrees with me on everything and always brings nay topic up he know will annoy me i m only one person s true friend and even that is flimsy my stepfather bearly talk to me my mom always make acscusses about being mean i m atheist and my whole family is except sister are christian and think i m a failure for it my grade are going no where i see no point in continuing if god is real i m going too hell which is what i deserve i don t even know if these thing are true i hate myself and is not great at anything i don t know how i would even kill myself but if i saw a car coming i would not get out of the road if god isn t real ill never have to worry again because i don t exist anymore i just dont want too live and don t tell me the generic nonsense i ve heard it before it doesn t work | 1 |
i don t get it what did i ever do to anyone i doubt even some of the people that know me will feel bad or even start caring once they find out i m dead maybe they ll never even know and not notice my absence but why | 1 |
i don t know who i am anymore i ve tried so hard to regain a sense of who i once wa but it s pointless everytime i look at someone anybody i instantly feel reminded that i m nothing that i will always will be nothing i m not clueless i know why i feel this way i ve been strong for way too long i ve spent my entire life longing for something that will never come a decent family that isn t problematic friend and a proper support system this entire time i wa never strong because i wanted to be i had no choice but to be i m not a strong person keeping false hope by holding onto delusion to get by isn t what it mean to be strong i know the life i m living now won t last forever but the damage caused by everything i ve gone through is beyond repair i m unfixable my whole life ha been nothing but a buildup of trauma and it ll continue to be it ll never end more than anything i wish someone cared about me would hold my hand and tell me everything s going to be alright hug me when i cry into my pillow at night hold me when i m breaking down because i m not strong enough to take on the pain alone but no i ll never have anyone like that in my life only in my delusional mind if any word defines my life it s alone i ve taken this journey of endless trauma alone none ha ever truly cared everyone just watch me stagger along i wonder why i even wasted any of my time going to therapy none of my therapist have ever cared nothing ever changed i never felt any better i m currently feeling the worst i ve ever felt in my entire life i ve experienced so much pain throughout my whole life but nothing like this this pain destroyed all my dream destroyed who i once wa a a person there s only one way from here now and it s more down then i already am taking medication for my problem isn t what i need throwing pill at my problem isn t going to make me forget about everything that s ever happened in my life the only two thing that would be able to do that for me is severe brain trauma or death i m not going to use drug a mean of coping with my life using drug to solve and help with my problem i may be a worthless individual but i m wise enough to know having to take pill a a mean of getting better isn t the life i want i just need a human being in my life that care about me that is able to see my worth tell me i m more than all of this trauma however i know the reality and i won t sugarcoat it i come with too many challenge for anyone to have any sort of care for me i suffer from skin picking severe depression and anxiety ptsd constant disassociation where i forget who i actually am and feel like the world isn t real i m far too fucked up it explains why i have no friend why i have none in my life who truly care about me because of how long all of my problem have gone untreated i can t escape my suicidal thought my problem will always define who i am will always have the last say in everything i do nothing give me happiness anymore not food not drawing not reading or writing not watching the sunrise not the moon not late night not going outside not sleeping nothing all of it feel pointless now and it doesn t provide me happiness like it used to me i ve always preferred to keep my emotion to myself and not go to my parent for help because everytime i do i get the same response they always invalidate my feeling it s endless response that always tear me down they tell me i m overreacting that i should leave my problem in the past that i should stop being a crybaby that i should grow up already and stop being problematic saying that others have life worse and i shouldn t complain about it there s no point in wasting my time asking them for help i have none else i can reach out to none else that care i wa hospitalized a month ago after i told my school counselor about my suicidal thought what happened my parent were called i wa forced to go to the hospital and i got cussed out badly they said a variety of hurtful thing but what stuck with me the most wa being told that if i were actually suicidal i d have done it already telling me i m nothing but an attention seeker telling me i wasted my time asking for help and going to the hospital because no give a shit about me anyways no care at all for the fact that i m in the hospital because i don t want to live anymore i didn t choose to be open about being suicidal because i m an attention seeker i did it because i needed help surviving if my own parent don t care about me how can i expect anyone else to have any care for me the only living being i have left now is my lovely boy sled he may only be a dog but he s all i have left in this world unfortunately i just don t know if that s enough at this point to keep me going life ha given up on me so i want to give up on myself i m tired of my life consisting of surviving plainly existing without no meaning i don t want be strong anymore i don t want to live in my head anymore i never want to experience trauma ever again i want to escape i want to be free i m not sure if i ll ever get that chance in life and even if i do it won t be anytime soon if i had to guess possibly in a few year but i can t hold on that long hell i don t even know if i can make it to the end of 0 people with proper support system really don t realize how lucky they truly are that s the only that could save me from myself and the only thing i look forward to in the future if i make it the chance i ll have my own support system one of the worst mistake i kept repeating wa thinking that professional help would magically make everything better somehow it didn t i m never taken seriously because to them i m just another mentally ill person that doesn t hold much worth fuck that i do have many mental illness but i m aware and i sure a hell know what my reality is and what s going on i ve recently come to realize you can t rely on anyone but yourself to help you get better obviously this is far from easy when you re suicidal the harsh reality is i can give up or continue living my life in misery this isn t just the harsh reality for me but so many other individual who are suicidal or have suicidal thought or ideation it s not fair at all and none should ever have to come to that realization i feel like i m a lost cause now i m beyond sick and tired of hearing there s hope for the future something brighter to look forward to for the past few year i ve been feeling suicidal all i ve been doing is taking life one step at a time taking it day by day waiting for that one where thing finally start to turn around for me but it hasn t all the time i wonder maybe there s nothing left in my future except loneliness emptiness more nightmare to dream about more tear to shed and more trauma to endure i don t want to live like this anymore although i don t wish to die only escape this life i d rather be dead i don t want to be this aware i don t want to feel like this anymore i don t want the feeling of worrying about what the future hold to consume me anymore being failed by the system failed by society and failed by life is why i m suicidal | 1 |
i m not suicidal i just feel everybody close to me slipping away and it s crushing me slowly so i wa wondering what are the main sign | 1 |
don t want to do anything other than sleep drink or smoke because the future is hopeless because the past can not be changed and lost time is gone forever the logic center of my brain is screaming at me to exit this situation and that there s only one way that living in these condition is meaningless and all the more painful i ve tried everything i even treated myself a a stranger talking to myself a if talking to another telling them i love them and i would look after them and i forced myself to talk back i ve delved deep into question none right in the head would want to touch there s just nothing left to do i ve even begged for help pill only work a long a you take them even then they only take the pain away not the desire for death because it s all pointless in the end to hell with people who love me i m gone | 1 |
therapy meditation working out changed my diet spirituality religion medication what else is there | 1 |
i don t know why i hate myself so fucking much i want it all to end so i can finally be at peace with myself i honestly don t remember a time i wa happy even a a kid i tried to kill myself when i wa because i wa fed up with life they told me it get better but i m now and it s only gotten worse nobody can change how i feel i ve tried therapist different med all that shit nothing ha worked because life is a bitch and it s not easy i commend everyone who is strong enough to continue living because i am not | 1 |
i reaching help from stranger i really need someone be here for me i cant handle the pressure from depression i really want to suicide please help | 1 |
no matter how many people i talk to my suicidal thought always fester in my mind a problem shared is a problem halved a complete lie i ve told people about my deteriorating mental state yet the burden still weighs on me no amount of talking will ever ease the pain i live though my situation is hopeless and i can only predict a bleak future for me all i truly want is an end to my constant mental anguish i just want peace | 1 |
i promised my girlfriend i wouldn t try to end it again but i m too weak tonight i m on the phone with her right now i don t know what to do i just want it to stop but i don t want to make her cry again i m worthless | 1 |
i see it a the only solution that will make this everyday pain i feel go away forever | 1 |
i m not going to make it after school won t pas and be stuck there i think going out is hurting me i do thing and when i get back home i think it over and think what a failure i am i say something or do something and then i think everyone is gon na laugh thing is i ve got year before i leave school but i m still worrying i m worrying that my friend will leave after the mandatory time needing to spend with me even if i do go out with them more because it s spring i m worrying that this isn t my lowest point my mom already ha anxiety and depression and my dad who is an arsehole is moving out and i m just gon na leave her for the rest of her life however long that is the title is a tiny lie though i hope my mom carry on when i m gone i hope she carry on with the memory or just forgets me entirely so she doe need the grief without me i ve never told anyone except just a few joke with my friend and i don t think they caught on this one time i written a suicide note in my memo but i m so stupid i can t tie a noose not even a shoelace only thing i m good at is writing my handwriting is terrible look like a preschooler written it and i can t even join it up i came on here because i couldn t find anything to cut with and i can t go downstairs to get something it got a bit of the weight crushing my chest off but there is still some | 1 |
for anyone who s contacted the suicide help hotline ha it actually helped i don t think i ll make past this week although i have friend here for me and therapy i ve written all my goodbye and i m ready to do the deed a i ve got nothing left to lose any input is helpful | 1 |
i m sick of living the world is going to shit depression is ruining my life no one want to help why is it bad that i want to kill myself i think i should be able to genuinely life ha no purpose and i contribute nothing to society i m sick of being told to suck it up it s just life like fuck off if i m not born into a communist utopia then i don t want to participate in this life shit all i do is lay in bed all day i m unhappy in my relationship in fact it s what triggered my current depressive episode i just want to escape all i do anymore is get high and browse tiktok that s it | 1 |
i started having suicidal thought in april of last year and they lasted until around november in october i started hanging out with a girl and we started becoming good friend not romantic just friendship my mental health started getting a lot better after a couple month of friendship with her and it s kept getting better ever since a few day ago i made a passive aggressive comment that really upset her she won t text me back now i ve tried apologizing and trying to make thing right with her but i haven t heard back from her i m afraid i ve ruined this friendship forever and now my suicidal thought are back for the first time since last year i always hurt the people that i care about and i hate myself so much that i do this | 1 |
my mom basically invalidated my feeling now i feel like doing sewerslide | 1 |
i ve been keeping myself from here yet at the same time i keep coming back to read about other s experience maybe a a way to prove to myself that i don t have it a bad still though i feel so depressed and withdrawn from everything this suck everything suck i wish it wasn t like this plus i still can t put my finger on what exactly made me start thinking in such a nihilistic way i m constantly thinking if i went back in time or maybe if i did this just thinking of what could ve been knowing it s just going to drown me in hole of self absorbence i don t know if this ha bad grammar so if it doe then sorry | 1 |
i quit my job today after being told yesterday that i m bad at it and could be fired if i fuck up again i figure that i d rather remove myself before i cause anymore problem because i know that i m intrinsically fucked since middle school i ve become convinced that i m retarded and that i m a fucking waste of space who should be put down i left this job hoping it d maybe remove some stress from my shoulder but instead i m more angry than ever and i really want to start cutting i m so sick of all of this i m sick of people telling me i should stay here and lying to me about how good i am i m sick of putting in effort only to fail at every turn i m really sick of all it | 1 |
i ve been suicidal for year i hate my life and i haven t felt joy for a long time a much a my parent don t care for my feeling and neglect me i know that if i end myself they d be devastated seeing i m their only child i don t know what to do anymore tbh i really want to do it but i love my family too much to hurt them like that | 1 |
i suppose i ll live one more month the thing that is keeping me alive is my favourite music group and now they are participating in a show and i want to see it ending because this group s music kept me alive since 0 also i ll see my brother birthday but i think that is my maximum at this point i m really glad that some people supported me even that they know me only because of my reddit post and i got more attention and support than from my ex friend through last year i hope that everyone will be happy i will continue telling everyone that suicide is the worst decision but i cant tell it to myself not anymore my close friend could have died yesterday the bomb exploded km away from her and she is still in danger i don t know what i would do without her i m always thinking of everyone else but me and i ll keep doing it i think i don t deserve to be saved actually i don t want to struggle anymore i ve got so much pain that i couldn t even put it all in 00000 word even if i ll try to live i m sure i will be suffering just even more i have so little light in my life i don t deserve to be loved i always make thing worse i m sure that everyone will be happier without me that they won t have to talk with me and my parent won t have to spend money on my university idk maybe it s just my stpd schyzotypical personal disorder i dont know i don t think i know anything i don t know what is happening around me i i m tired and i m sorry to everyone who had to read this i m so sorry | 1 |
i m so sorry fernanda today i took different pill i don t know if it ll hit me in a few hour or when i close my eye and go to sleep maybe i ll survive i took what i have in the medication cabinet and today might be the day i give up fernanda my beloved i m so sorry i m dragging myself and my system to death some shout in my head saying they don t want to die that there ha to be another way but they aren t the host they can sit in the innerworld without a care but i live most of my life fronting my head hurt a i type this and i feel strangely calm with my heart slowing down to a normal pace something i wasn t used to anymore due to my sickness fernanda my love even if you don t read this i love you so much i mean everything i said in that message you make me the happiest man in the world and your support to be by my side made me feel a if i can continue just a tiny bit but i m so tired i can t continue studying and i can t do my passion you make everything so worth it i want you to live life with your fullest energy thank you for shining a light in my life i love you | 1 |
i just feel trapped being alive and death there s no escape for me so wtf do i do | 1 |
idk i m not a native speaker so i don t which crisis it is i m in my dorm room paralyzed took a seminar topic on which i can t find paper when i ask for help no one then came my shitty sem test mark with just the end sem remaining yes this is not the first time i ve cried after joining college i just can t see my future and i can only be numb to my grade and pain for so long | 1 |
i am miserable when i wake up i am aware this due to more than just simply being mentally fucked up i live a shitty lifestyle however i feel a though most day are purely predetermined for me almost like it s always guaranteed to have me thinking about killing myself by the end of the day | 1 |
my life ha gone way downhill first my best friend leaf without any kind of goodbye then my mother tell me that she doesn t love me after that my ex broke up with me then last sunday she told me not to talk to her again i can t take any of this shit for much longer i really just wished that it wa summer already then i could just kill myself and everyone would forget about me i would do it now if i could but i just think that it might be too close to my breakup and that maybe my ex would think it wa her fault when it isn t i don t really know what else to say my school ha this experience week thing where for a week we just have fun help out our community and don t have to worry about school everyone else in my grade is having fun laughing smiling and shit like that and i m just not i don t see how everyone else can find a way to be happy i see my friend laughing and having fun then they come over to hang out with me and i m just sad i honestly can t wait for the summer then i can fucking kill myself and not have to cry every night to sleep i don t know what help i might want or need but maybe some encouraging word or something might help but anything really would help | 1 |
i few week ago i wa shing and not going to therapy and i honestly wasn t feel a horrible a usual i woke up and and i didn t feel super horrible i wasn t hating myself and my urge to sh wa going down then i went to therapy for the first time in month and i wa told i have to cooperate cause i wasn t or my therapist would recommend my parent do somethings more extreme ie physic ward after that i that i decide that i would try to stop shing everyday and immediately i became way more suicidal i wa clean for a week i now wake up everyday and i don t want to get up and i m instantly hating myself i broke that clean streak by doing half my forearm instead of just a few and i may try to km tomorrow so maybe i wa just going numb and i wa cool with that but it s seems to be better than now | 1 |
i have a friend group at school yet i feel lonely and helpless i have anxiety and depression i ve always been a big guy 9 0 pound and i ve always been bullied for it i can t get a girlfriend because i m ugly and socially awkward i can t focus on school because i m always tired i can t talk to anyone about my feeling because i hate letting people into my bubble i miss the happy and innocent me at young age my mom left me with my grandma i hate to think what s gon na happen once she dy i hate myself i m ashamed of myself i wan na kill myself i m such a pussy i m afraid that god is real and i ll be punished i m afraid that when i die it will all be black and boring i don t know what s gon na happen if i do it if i fail straight to a hospital if my life doesn t get better i ll do it i hope if i do it i ll be reborn a someone normal and start over | 1 |
it s simple a that | 1 |
this is my first time writing this a releasing this properly i have had a plan for three year the plan is to end my life next year in may i have had this plan for three year up to this point so far i am not old and the only reason i am waiting is for convenience and not wanting my parent to find my body i honestly see no issue with me dying i don t want to keep living i don t want to die because i am in pain or whatever i just don t rly want to be alive anymore i want to cut contact with all my friend and family before i do it this may be hard but i will go through with it either way my time on this earth is coming to an end i am not religious in any way so i am a little scared in what happens next but honestly i hope it will be more interesting then my current mundane life anyways please refrain from going into the comment and writing ohh no please dont do it it not worth it if you do i will either delete your comment or just delete this post i just posted this because i wonder if i am alone with these feeling of just nothing ness | 1 |
i ve been having a few thought of sh si throughout yhe past week and came pretty close to actually doing it a couple day ago because my so and i got into an argument and he said some hurtful thing that other people have said to me through my life so i thought if everyone feel this way about me then why shouldn t i do it i know people will say to tell my psych but i don t think it will last that long so i don t want to waste her time and my time i also don t want her to say i should go to a hospital because i think that would be pointless too and a lot of money | 1 |
i feel like i shouldn t but i do i m tired and i m tired of being tired i m tired of feeling like i m broken and that i can t do anything right i m tired of feeling like i m in the wrong place and time and i m tired of hating everything i really hate everything most of all me i m tired of feeling alone i m fucking tired of it all i don t know what to do but i know i can t keep up with being a smiling shell i m going to fucking break if i have to keep trying | 1 |
objectively unattractive have never been touched by the opposite sex objectively unemployable no one will know i m gone never been valued peace out | 1 |
it may or may not make sense to you guy but i don t want to kill my self but i think about it a lot i m a sophomore in college and a everyday pass by i get more and more behind i don t have many friend up here and if i do i wouldn t call them good friend my schedule is so busy that i haven t been able to go home and see my parent or sibling in almost month these thought seem to be escalating but in a weird way some are soothing for the past week nothing help me sleep unless i think about what i would say in suicide letter to my friend and family again i don t want to kill my self but some of these thought are thing i can t control i hope i m able to be better than these thought and regather myself before it get worse | 1 |
i m not strong enough to kill me | 1 |
i m about to be living in nyc and have never done anything worth wilde with my life and im sure im doomed to become one of those in the way people who don t do anything in their life which i feared most of my life nothing i seem to attempt to accomplish work out no matter how hard i work or how right i do it i gave so much time to job organization to further my career path only to used a free labor studying only to use up all my forgiveness credit and flunk out i ve been wanting to end it all for a while every time i sleep i see the bk bridge the spot i picked out year ago to end it i feel like i rather be gone than keep living with fact that i m a grown man that s not worth anything hell my mom ha told me that i haven t done anything for her to be proud me and i won t let my partner destroy herself trying to help me i wanted to be an engineer for nasa when i wa younger but here i am today the world shitist it guy that hasn t been able to find a secure job in the past year i ve been desperate for work for a while today i wa given a work assignment from my contract company only to be told i don t exist in the company so i can t work | 1 |
i don t know what else to add don t try to comfort me i didn t want any flower i only wanted to lie with my hand turned up and be utterly empty how free it is you have no idea how free sylvia plath tulip | 1 |
i hate myself | 1 |
because he s so sick of me saying it and not actually doing it hahahaha yeah no one care i hate my fcking life i have bpd avpd and c ptsd everyday is miserable i hate it here i want out can someone who is planning too please chat me i wan na talk about way to go | 1 |
i put a resolution that if i didn t get a relationship by the time i m 0 i m going to kill myself at the end of the year i m 9 i turn 0 in mount i found someone but i really screwed everything up because i feel i don t deserve to be happy with anyone and this feeling like i should just end it all is still here on how a screwed everything up is i wasn t there when she needed me most when her mother died i talked to a few others and they think it s because i couldn t handle my mother s own mortality when this happened i retreated into myself and closed everyone out and barely spoke with anyone i don t know if i can make it much longer because i love her with everything i have and her heart is broken because of me i hurt her i can t fix it and i can t handle that | 1 |
i want to kill myself but i dont want to die i got my result and i barely passed when my dad get to know he s gon na hit me im really scared i tried my best i really did but i cant focus i dont want to die please tell me to kill myself | 1 |
it s like knowing your place in this world i ve always been proud of me i always felt i ve done thing a they should be done fairly loving good people listen to others helping them always trying to draw a smile on their face and making their world a better place because life is short and everyone deserves to be happy no matter what and i thought i deserved that too but all i can see is that i m lonier than ever i never felt what is being loved the only partner i had abused and cheated on me leaving me memory like me cry next to him and he sleeping peacefully i ve been in love recently again but i got rejected like a few time before that previous relationship i guess i m not good enough a always there s always prettier people than me i lost friend and people i thought they were my friend family and the two three friend i have now can t understand how lonely i feel some of my friend deceived me when i thought they would be here for me at hard time like i always did for them all i try to be happy seems to be in vain i will never be precious to someone i m sure that people who know me will still live if i die so i don t care anymore if i die right now life go on for them but i want to stop mine now my place isn t in this world i m hoping for a sudden death like a car accident a domestic accident or something that kill me because i m a coward and i won t kill myself hoping my parent donate my organ so someone with force of will life a happy life a life i wanted for me but i never got | 1 |
i get so confused sometimes i don t know whats real why i m being so dramatic if i can ever actually do this | 1 |
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