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i m feeling so hopeless right about now and just want to be free of this pain i m going through nothing seems to be going right for me and it suck i want to get off of this damn ride and be done with it all | 1 |
can t wait | 1 |
yesterday when i woke up i made my final decision to take my own life i have thought it over and even though there may be other option i decided that i am ready to just simply give up a the ongoing struggle ha made me decide it s not worth the pain i haven t felt anything but numbness for year i ve become obese my body is in terrible shape i ve battled with addiction but somewhat recently ive started to get over it when i finally thought that wa going well and started to be proud i wa met with people who didn t seem impressed and moreso judged the small victory i felt i guess because they didn t realize just how bad my situation wa three week off of hard drug wa a major milestone for me but people said it wasn t good enough and that i wa pathetic for thinking it wa impressive i don t see a bright side a i am finishing college even though i wa given a great job offer because i would just be continuing a life in a city where everyone hate me while i can work a lot and be miserable i am not the type to go out and leave on my own i would do nothing but recluse myself and probably miss home if i moved away i recently came to the realization that outside of the people that are friend with me my public perception is very much that i am a loser my antic have made people that used to consider me a friend not even like me a a person a girl i used to love decided to lead me on somewhat recently just to tell me her friend and everyone else hate me and that she would never consider dating me this wa essentially my tipping point i have decided that thursday night when i am returning from a work trip i am going to park my car on the way home by a bridge i am going to start drinking heavily i will make it look like i lost control a i drive through the rail and into the water those that know me will find this heartbreaking but ultimately not shocking and devastating in the way a suicide might affect them they will be able to cope with the loss without wondering if it wa their fault the only flaw in my plan is i have written a note to be left with my closest friend because one thing i can t do is leave without letting him know how much i appreciated everything he s done for me i simply can not do that but that is one thing that might ruin the hidden intent of my action | 1 |
this ha ruined my life the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my baby boy his mother manipulates me she s emotionally abusive and i don t know how to stand up to her i can t i m so afraid she ll take him away from me i can t keep doing this and i can t kill myself but i think i will i think he ll be better off without me i m a mess my finance are a mess my emotion i can barely take care of my own thing i m in so much turmoil i constantly fantasize about offing myself and every few day i sit there with a gun to my head and i just can t do it i think of my boy and then the pain is worse fyi we were engaged and shit fell apart for good last year october we still live together because we have a lease on a house and housing right now is a bitch nothing available so i m trapped here | 1 |
in my profile if you want to read it | 1 |
that s when i ll do it one month after i turn i ll take my parent car out to a shed and block the exhaust pipe i ll leave it running and take a bunch of pill and fall asleep in the back seat a peaceful way to go out i hope it work i can t wait | 1 |
last time i attempted i failed for like the th time and i m not going to mess up another one this time is going to be my last so i hope y all will stop worrying about me because i don t deserve it and i m not worth worrying about it s going to happen today or tomorrow most likely tomorrow though bye | 1 |
i have 0 success in life even duo i wa given every opportunity to grow myself i strugglecwith my mental health for about year now i m at the moment every year i hope thing will change for good but every time i feel immense disappointment i can t find any reason to continue living with every breath of air i feel like poison fill my lung most of my day i stare blankly at a random space imaging my death i crave to die life consists of little to no joy why is suicide considered a cowardly act i believe the opposite is true a the one who kill himself chooses to die in his own circumstance imagine how much power it take to jump off a building or cut one own vein vertically i recently cutted my wrist horizentaly just a little bit i wanted to see blood to feel pain i felt so connected with reality what an amazing experience pain is my only way to remember i m alive physical pain also help me forget of my failure of who i m an empty shell who keep existing a zombie who just want to be buried again if god exists we are all his slave | 1 |
i don t know what i m supposed to do anymore i can t even remember what it s like to be normal it s felt like i ve been in hell i need it to end now | 1 |
ive wanted to go for a while now and im just getting tired honestly i hope ill find a way before year because i dont wan na live much longer n i really dont have a future ahead of me | 1 |
this isn t the normal kind of post i would write and my follower are probably going to leave because of this but here i am most of the time i have the thought in passing if i were dead i wouldn t have to deal with all of this or life is just too hard i wish i wasn t here lately thing in my life have gotten really bad i had a miscarriage in january it sucked because my husband and i had been trying to get pregnant for a long time and had been told that it wasn t going to be possible without intervention or weight loss or both but there we were pregnant and all of a sudden not pregnant i spent the last year dealing with some drama at work that took me over the edge more than a few time i wanted to kill myself so badly but i never told anyone about it i d mention to my therapist that i wa having the suicidal thought and he d check in but i reassured him that i d be ok and he would remind me of all the time i had been here before and gotten out of it now i m looking at a tough situation at home i am not going to go into detail about it but thing are hard at the moment and i find myself feeling trapped unwanted and like more of an annoyance than anything it suck to feel that way in your own home i honestly don t know what i m doing any more and the suicidal thought are getting more real and more pervasive i am finding it hard to stay in a good place i m finding it hard to think logically about it all i feel is desperation and a strong desire to just end it to be done with the fight of having to live with constant depression and anxiety just having rest from that would be a relief but also i know i shouldn t do it life suck and it shouldn t be this hard wish i could feel loved supported and like my life actually matter yet here i am | 1 |
over the past few month i ve felt like shit i ve been tired lonely and the depressed and on the verge of just doing it i ve had multiple occasion where parent haven t been home and i m just sitting there thinking about committing to doing it i can t handle the pressure of everyone around i feel like no body would really care even if i did end it all i don t have many friend and verbally abusive family member brother and mom i feel like nobody would miss me i m told several time a day at school to km and that no body would care i have alot of child hood trauma from growing up that i don t want to get into my home life and school is very verbally abusive to me i get shoved into locker at school jumped one kid even broke my tibia in the hallway i m never happy and haven t been happy in several year a soon a i get happy i go back to having bad thought again for example today my mom wa out picking up furniture and i wa at home watching tv she wa out for at least an hour at this point but then a little bit after i just had the sudden urge to do it i then called mom and tolled her that i threw up which wa a lie so she could come home and stop me from hurting myself tomorrow i m going to tell her everything that ha been happening and hopefully getting some therapy and medication do you guy have any suggestion for what i could do to be a little more happier sometimes | 1 |
i hate myself i ve dreamed about finally gathering the courage to end my life for about year i have everything i need my basic need are met all paid by my caring family i m finishing a college degree also fully paid by my parent i feel weak and pathetic i see people with real issue traumatic shit who go on with their life while i m sitting here wanting to end my life without a reason why do i feel like this it feel invalid i ve never faced adversity every second of my life i ve spent tearing myself apart the only reason i haven t jumped in front of the metro is that i m scared to end up quadriplegic i m scared of everyone finding out that despite having my life served to me on a platter i still want to die i feel pathetic small and alone and i m scared i m starting to lose control of it before suicide felt like a refuge or a safe place to escape if necessary but now it s overwhelming and persistent i don t want to feel like this anymore but i can t stop it everything i do feel wrong i ve isolated myself from everyone and by the time i realized how lonely i felt i couldn t find the courage to reach out despite having everything given to me i feel like a failure and i hate everything about myself self loathing ha become the only way i interact with who i am and everything i do i feel like i don t deserve help i ve never faced adversity i m scared of failing to kill myself but i can t stop thinking about it | 1 |
title should ve been will it work within the hour i ll electrocute myself i ll sit with my foot under salt water one end of the electrical wire will be under water and the other plugged in the outlet will it work | 1 |
i didn t think i d end up posting here but here it is i feel like i ve exhausted all option in life i ve tried to combat loneliness i have i ve gotten involved with club of interest i ve done martial art i ve initiated conversation i m so close to just ending it man i ve hit low many time before but this time is different because i fucking tried to make thing different i meet someone we connect and end up hanging out and then they fade away unless i initiate i ve had friend flake repeatedly after i ve invited them numerous time or people that don t invite me out after i had done so in the first place yadda yadda hell this all started at the beginning of this year when i realized how people viewed me at my martial art gym the coach thought i wa arrogant because i silently carried myself with newfound confidence in life so i fucking left point is i ve gotten no reciprocation even after they ve shown genuine interest i ve gotten with a girl a while ago that i still fucking think about knew her for le than a month before i made a move she wa interested and we made out multiple time i had friend and i got with this hot girl so it seemed thing were finally coming together i ask her out and she enthusiastically accepts the day before the date she rescinds and want to be friend instead haven t seen her since that wa damn month ago man story of my life i ve got no family no friend year old i feel nothing anymore been lifting for year and getting stronger and i feel nothing no interest in shit felt confident in myself until recently since i guess isolation took it s toll a i said i ve been through this before but i m sick and tired of it now that i know that i ve tried i can be at peace with ending my life | 1 |
what is the point of going on when your parent don t like you your friend are nonexistent and your school is the most unsupportive and toxic place you could be in i m not loved by anyone i doubt i will be so forever i ll be alone i might a well take all the pill in the house nobody will have cared about me anyways | 1 |
i have never been a good person i think being a bad person wa hard wired into me and i don t think i can separate myself from the bad i ve done unspeakable unforgivable thing that i can t atone for i m both a bully and a coward with so many issue that my therapist couldn t find a solution i ve written ton of letter so people can understand my exact thought process and why i need to do this it doesn t even make me sad anymore it just feel like something that need to happen | 1 |
my boyfriend then dad and mom passed away all within a year of each other i have tried to move on but the grief is immense also i just lost my job and am about to run out of money i just can t take it anymore and i want to be with my family who i loved very much i have a plan and am thinking about going to the desert where no one would find me this is sad and i can t even afford a therapist anymore because insurance is too expensive i m not ok | 1 |
don t want to live anymore i m tired of this i m tired of being in society and having to be with people just want to be left alone forever fuck everything i m a failure | 1 |
title pretty much | 1 |
i m fucking done trying everything hurt i m tired of being a loser at life and being myself i m just tired of trying so hard with recovery and feeling like no matter what i m not really meant to recover like my mind ha been set on suicide and death for so long that i feel so lost without it i am just a fucking failure okay i failed at life i m a year old loser who really fucked up his life beyond repair and i see no way out besides death if we get graded for how we did in life i d get a big fat fucking f i know i only started recently and i should take thing slow and take thing day by day blah blah blah but at the end of the day i m still me and i can t live with myself i truly wish my mother could understand that i really can t live being me anymore i feel so claustrophobic inside my own self with so much self hate and rage a though i could explode i wish i could collapse or sink inside myself wandering aimlessly and wondering how did thing happen to be like this how did my life become such a fucked up mess it s all just so overwhelming i can t fathom how i m going to keep this recovery facade up any longer wa this just a reminder of how pathetic i ve become is recovery just another way of pretending to be something i m not i don t know anymore i just want to cry without end i am tired of being like this i m tired of being me what can i do what the fuck can i do i feel so lost and broken you see maybe some people just never were meant for life no matter what after being like this for year death is all that matter to me and once death becomes your everything it s hard to turn back i don t know what to do besides kill myself tonight | 1 |
i simply don t care anymore they took away the reason i began to feel hope in living again i don t trust anyone i just feel the world is a horrible place i just want to die and find peace i can t handle anymore this feeling of hopelessness anxiousness and resentment i hate living and i hate everyone i m just a fucking burden i can t even find the courage to end it all sometimes can t believe i ve become that miserable people my age are excited to begin their life and i just want it to end right now we are just slave of a system that exploit u what s the fucking point of trying anyways pls someone help me | 1 |
tw childhood abuse abandonment addiction emotional neglect i think that what it called and sibling abuse ive dealt with the favoritism of my sister since i wa she wa diagnosed with adhd and therefore needed more attention than i have ever received she stopped being my dad favorite after she started criticizing his addiction but that wa around year later i grew up taking care of myself my own need i had nobody it became worse when my dad addiction did he wa nicer to me than my mom who really used me a her own punching bag by screaming at me for anything and everything my dad fully forgot about me he wa my only friend in the family even though like my mom he did care about my sister more but having somebody le bad wa better than having nobody my sister starting abusing me when i wa 0 she wa her mental health wa really bad making my mom cater to her even more than shes already done now my little attention turned into none my sister could and still can do anything to me and would get away scot free she physically mentally and emotionally abused me and i wa only told to suck it up and to just move on this ha gone on for the next year of my life my dad moved out around year ago not without leaving me with another set of trauma now im dealing with cptsd although my sister ha gotten somewhat better she would constantly run away did drug physically hurt everyone in the family and more but shes insanely rude due to my mom letting her do whatever she want and also extremely aggressive i started doing a lot worse im always extremely irritable and angry and ive been dealing with lot of anxiety and severe depression i see a therapist im working hard to get through my trauma but my mother only belief that i should be fine that even after dealing with abuse and being fucking ignored my entire childhood that i should be a okay and act like a normal year old she continues to get angry at me for my outburst which i understand but will then tell me that she doesnt understand why and will then tell me how awful i am and how i dont do anything she doesnt understand that i have lost interest in many thing and refuse to let me take mental health break because for some reason in her fucking mind i dont need them all she doe is tell me how awful i am how i dont do enough how we dont have any money all of this bullshit im not allowed to stand up to my sister because when she attack me even after ive done nothing it all my fault she one time attacked me over fucking brownie brownie im guilt ridden and tired living feel pointless to me at this point i have nothing going for me and what feel like nobody i dont why ive stayed this long maybe it sheer fate or some stupid reason that i cant put my finger on i know that soon enough ill be suicidal again a surprise surprise going through this much trauma make people want to kill themselves im aware that ill have to spend the next what 00000 year trying to overcome my trauma but i just wish that my mother would be there for me because if she wa truly there i would want to live i just want her to finally love me | 1 |
no matter the progress i seem to make regardless of how happy i feel and the more successful my life becomes in spite of all this when i lay my head down to sleep my first thought are always taking my own life i ve lost count of the time i ve imagined shooting myself through the mouth or taking a shotgun and blowing my head off into the lake these thought are persistent and nagging and feel a though with each passing day they become closer to reality i don t believe this will happen in the immediate future but it doe seem an inevitably that will happen in 0 year time i ve started to even think of a framework of how it should go write the letter say my last word to friend and loved one make confession to a priest set a firm date and decide on the method i wonder if by writing this i bridge the gap even further | 1 |
i have money for or more month rent then i ll be on the street i m in crippling debt i ve been drinking nonstop for the last day when i hit the street i m going to start using fentanyl again where i ll inevitably od and die at some point is there any hope for people like me people that hurt everyone around them destroy everything they touch i ve dug my own grave i m sure people want me dead anyway eh fuck this noise | 1 |
friend just attempted to jump off a building approx hr ago though he s fine atm he blocked literally most if not all ppl s contact to him and of course there s fucking omicron so i physically can t go see him right away can i get some advice here on what to do in this situation edit it got slightly better now a he s at least turned back up on his social medium | 1 |
i want it to end i can trucking take it i want to end it all i can t do this i can t keep surviving like this i feel like i m drowning all my emotion all the work all the people in my life it make me feel so alone and tired i don t want to be here i can t even reach out to anyone i know and it fucking suck | 1 |
i m starting to think i m probably suicidal but i don t really notice it if that make any sense i do thing like overdose on medication i say it s to get high but honestly i don t think that s my intention anymore i feel like i just don t give a shit about my life i fried my brain smoking weed and had a psychotic break and my therapist implies that i m stupid i hate myself and i just want to fucking off myself once and for all who know i might be going insane and i just don t give a shit anymore my life feel like trash even though i had every opportunity in the world to improve myself i feel like a complete failure and and idiot that deserves death i just don t care i don t give a shit i never did and i never will | 1 |
i m not depressed or in depression i think there is a lot to live for in life actually but lately i ve been having thought of suicide it s not every hour of every day but something will happen and i ll just casually think to myself what the hell f ck this and fast forward to when i m dead i have every reason to live i have a roof over my head food on the table and a small circle of friend a job so i m not planning on taking the plunge anytime soon but i just can t help but think after an event or something that ha happened to me involving me that maybe i should what if a opposed to when amp x 00b i m perfectly in sound mind body and health but what could this mean | 1 |
here i am after another failed suicide attempt back to the stupid fucking mental health hospital so they can shove more pill down me i take fucking med for my mental and physical health the lastb year i have tried to shoot hang stab od and purposely crash my car on the interstate at night i barely eat anymore i drink bottle a day just so i can fucking stand myself my mom fucked me up she tortured me for year cutting burning beating and my father knew about it the court failed me when i spoke out parent got divorced my dad took his baby my older sister and said fucking cya now i feel like i m never enough for fucking anyone i just lay in bed now just slowly killing myself i sleep so much that i m getting bed sore if i do eat my jaw hurt and is sore now i force myself to sleep i live in a fucking stupid town where i m the laughing stock i m known a the so people just make fun of me and it s ironic the good fucking christian s that pretend to be something and i get dragged to church and i see these good people that make fun of me me a god damn fucking stranger i hate it i hate this fucking world and everyone in it i get used i had a large some of money and during my worst time when i wa constantly in and out i had friend and people the like me ask me for money it got to the point where people weren t comfortable talking or hanging out but would still ask for money for fuck sake i m such a disgusting fucking piece of shit filth that ylthey couldn t even see me i would be asked and would go fucking put money in mailbox and gas cap in car this is me this is me fucking stupid worthless existence i look forward to the next day hoping it ll be the day i die i d fucking shoot myself but for fuck sake i can t even put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger without fucking it up i live in a fucking town of k people and there is only one place for therapist and fucking therapist is what they have i see my therapist every month then of course in a small town the last time i tried to kill myself i had er nurse who i know think i wa still unresponsive curtain in front of me and i got to listen for 0 minute about what they thought about me called me name made fun of me this is my life this is my worthless stupid life i want it to fucking end more than anything | 1 |
i try every day to care about everything about what other people care about what they feel what they want from me the goal my job set for me how people perceive me how clean my house is how often i help out i try to hard to care and to make the people around me happy a much a i m capable of but i wish i wa allowed to not care if i were to do one thing for myself it d be to let the depression swallow me whole and kill myself but i try to care about what that doe to people and i try every day and every day i decide if i m going to keep pretending or collapse i think i m really good at pretending | 1 |
if it werent for him i would have been dead by now i cant imagine how horrible he would feel if i did it now im just in an eternal state of depression and cant do anything about it i both love him and hate him for it mostly love but god damn i feel trapped | 1 |
maybe i should have been locked away for the rest of my life like every other unprofitable unproductive worthless retard my only quality is that i m worthless enough to inspire the real regular normal people because if some low iq idiot like me can do something so can a normal person the only thing that held me back were the fear of failing and living even more disabled and some stupid video game i could have done without | 1 |
i have no trauma or especially horrible experience it took me yr to even admit to myself that i m most likely depressed i thought that i would write down my feeling but my mind resonated that to writing a suicide not i m proud of myself for stopping when i realised that it made me feel worse i feel lonely i have friend who i trust care for and can talk to yet it s impossible for me to tell them about any of my true feeling because even i cant understand what s going on in my head i feel guilty for thinking that one of the main reason for my behaviour is my family they have always emotionally neglected me treated me a the dumb kid invalidated any feeling i expressed and my mother is physically and verbally abusive i barely share thing with them and nowadays they ve started scolding me for telling them anything because apparently i m too pessimistic my sister seems to be using me i have always been there for her and listened to her when she needed while she is there for me if i need help with study and shit she never even make an attempt to listen to me because apparently that s a therapist duty and she isn t my therapist i can t cry i can barely feel thing at this point i m like a zombie my mental state usually deteriorates in the summer and summer is here i can sense the decline my only friend who i can physically meet and am comfortable sharing deeper detail about myself to seems to understandably freak out when it come to suicide related topic if it involves known example basically joke and stuff are fine but he seems to get a bit perplexed if i mildly hint at my suicidal nature this is just a rant i have a terrible tendency to bottle thing up in such a way that i forget about it i will probably feel better by the end of this day | 1 |
i am mentally exhausted i have so many problem that i can not deal with my older brother bully me daily and all i do is just sit and listen to it if i tell him to stop he will just continue to be more annoying i have a lot of health problem my parent dont want to take me to a doctor because they think i am lying so i have to do it myself i am not legal in my country i go to school and put on a fake personality and laugh people bully me even there not physcally but mentally they tell me i am dumb weird skinny crazy i have zero friend in real life i have online friend that used to help me with everything and even made a workout plan for me all of that faded since my health is sucking rn my parent call me crazy daily becayse i like ti play video game for hour a day that is crazy to them even tho everyone else tell them it normal all i feel inside if me is just fear sadness and hopelessness 0 good or happy thought i thoght dozen if time about suicide i can t do it i have ocd and that top of everything and obliderates my life and make me suffer even more i can t take it anymore i don t knoe where to go or what to do it like i don t belong anywhere or cant do anything all i can do is whine on random subbredit because i have no one to talk to is this all life really is i know you might say ohh but if you try to get yourself up and get motivated and do stuff trust me i tried it many time it fails because of family problem etc am i worth saving is my life really worth living | 1 |
i think i ve slept three full hour in the past it s not that i don t try to sleep or want to i do and so badly i m so exhausted right now i m crammed into a toddler bed cuddling my kid even laying here all i can think about is whether or not she wouldn t be better off with a different mother and i know i d never do that to her i never would or could she didn t ask to be in this world and i have no right to leave her in it especially with that kind of burden so why doe the thought keep whispering itself in the forefront of my mind even when i ve slept well why the fuck do i feel so terrible a if i ve been kicked in the stomach to the point of puking i feel like a failure in everything am i really at the point where i m supposed to celebrate my own mediocrity after accomplishing simple task that i m supposed to do should i be applauding myself for getting out of bed next i left my job to stay home with my kid just a month before the pandemic wa acknowledged no one could or did come to see me but i realized that even without the pandemic nobody really would have been there anyway she wa five month old then and in that time period nobody really wa there they didn t call didn t video chat didn t really ask how thing were or how i wa i wa crushed before the pandemic our event were cancelled i couldn t see my friend most of them i still haven t seen two year later we don t really talk either there s only one person outside of my immediate family that i ve called in month and it sting a few month ago we moved out of state and out here we have no friend no family i ve tried making friend over the internet especially through pursuing my roleplaying hobby but it feel like i keep fucking up trying to keep my emotion and attachment in check but inevitably i think my loneliness just bleeds through or i let myself open up too much and just fuck it up my emotion my entire self might a well be sodden playdoh i m desperate to keep it formed into what it should be what it i used to be but before long i m trying too hard to keep it in shape and it s left in a flattened half soggy mess of garbage every night i curl up in bed and have my stupid fucking brain remind me of how garbage i am of all the mistake i ve made and maybe i really would be better off just giving it up telling me there s no point to keep bothering others with my i don t know existence i guess mistake logically i know that s part of my problem it always ha been really i tried to keep everything together so other people wouldn t know what wa happening to me back then i had to take care of it and handle it on my own i have to be able to do everything and when i can t i feel worthless like a waste what am i even doing that someone else couldn t take the rein on and do better i ve been replaced plenty of time even my husband wa searching on grindr and posting on craigslist listing ad that included the fact that he wa married sending picture text telling me it wa my fault after i found out i m somehow to blame for it i haven t told anyone that typing it out feel slimey like three day old used dishwater it s another thing i have to handle myself because i could never actually admit to someone else that it happened just like i couldn t admit to anyone i know about what my ex did to me what happened when i wa a kid i told one person a therapist in honesty what happened and i remember her saying that if i kept being angry about it then i d turn out like that person who say that to an eight year old anytime i ve brought it up since then it wa never to admit how it s part of what still keep me awake over two decade later stupid electric meatball in my skull trying to convince me it matter trying to convince me i m going to keep going downhill and should just get ahead on what s inevitable anyway people can and would move on and maybe it d be better i wish it d stop with this shit my daughter said today that she love me i have to be doing something right don t i i don t know what to do to fix this i m just screaming into the void right now i want to sleep | 1 |
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right | 1 |
it s been a lot of stress past the last three year i feel like i can t take it anymore i m too anti social i can t talk to anyone i just start shaking and can t say a word and then this feeling of embarrassment will haunt me for the rest of the day no one want to talk with me i feel like i shouldn t be here like i m a burden to everyone i have to hold my emotion inside never letting them out and this is killing me i ve been cry for the last few day i feel so pathetic am i the problem i am so lost | 1 |
i m extremely suicidal but i want to live could anyone give me reason to live i don t want to feel this way but i hard not to think about it please anyone | 1 |
it s only ever gotten worse i m worthless and unwanted and there s no reason i shouldn t kill myself i have no reason i should be alive if it s spent feeling like this and being alone | 1 |
i m just so done of all this constant same thing everyday feeling like i m not even mentally conscious the whole time who even am i where did everybody i used to know go do they go through this to or am i just some sick i don t know if i can even talk to people about this derealization zoning out feeling i just don t even know anymore it s gotten to the point where i forget simple memory because i just don t feel like they happened so it doesn t matter i had an old friend of mine fuck you to hell cameron i hope you die they started to tell me that i wasn t a real person and that the people of the other land or some shit where waiting for u ever since i haven t been the same fuck you fuck you fuck you cameron you fuckingruined me you controlling manipulative narcissistic piece of living shit you shouldve died when you had the chance ypu ruined me why did any of this have to happen why did my parent divorce why i hate it why can t i just go back to when i wa ok and happy for once why did it all have to change why can t i just be pretty and amazing why can t i just live my life without feeling like this i can t even go a week ithout attempting to stab myself and just ending up with a stinging chest god this hurt just end it all i m so tired of living like this i m gon na make the choice soon at my dad i m not even sure if i want to yet i believe in god heavily but i don t even know if he can forgive me for this the way i m planning on doing it isn t gon na be pretty and i don t wan na traumatize my little brother he should have to see his sister like that not even in highschool dead i want to make the decision to just fucking do it already i have nothing to turn back to my home life is a mess after my parent divorce and i m constantly going back and force between parent it would eventually get exhausting don t you think im probably not gon na end up doing it anyways i really needed to let this out because god i m just so tired of everything | 1 |
my mom straight up asked me last night if i wa cutting my wrist in front of my entire family when she saw my scar i think she said that joking but it s the truth i m so scared she s going to push it further i m so scared she s going to hate me for it and punish me i feel so so stupid for doing it on my wrist so so stupid i just didn t think anyone would notice they haven t ever before i m not sure she actually suspect anything from me tonight i think i ll burn my wrist cooking something so that it cover up the scar and the story is more believable they re all going to hate me i didn t sleep all night last night because i m so scared i used to think i d be ok with people finding out i feel like this but i m not i m really really not | 1 |
im just a burden to her and everyone the world would be so much better if i just disappeared she s always on my back about everything i can never do anything right i can never please her she s always so upset at me she s always so mad tonight before she went to sleep she didnt even tell me that she loved me it okay i dont blame her i wouldnt love me either im nothing im pathetic im a waste of space energy and time in the grand scheme of thing there nothing about me that matter im stupid im incompetent im irresponsible and im mean im just a bad person and bad people dont deserve to be happy i will never make my mom proud i will always be insufficient she will always be finding new way for me to screw up when i die she will be so much happier without me everyone will be happier | 1 |
last sunday my husband we ve been together year and have a child together admitted to me that he wa talking to his co worker he slept with her thursday after lying about going to work he tell me he doesn t want to leave but he doesn t know what he want anymore friday he admitted he ha cheated on me other time in the past and yesterday on my birthday i found out of those people wa my own sister when i took her in after her husband had been cheating on her i am so heartbroken for myself and my son and all i can think about is ending it all i trusted this man implicitly and never even thought he would cheat there were never any sign at all all i can think about now is ending it once and for all i ve lost my husband and my sister and i really don t have much left i am so far down the spiral i don t think i will ever be able to claw my way back up i don t even know why i am writing this just needed it off my chest | 1 |
i don t know how to push myself and adjust to schedule and adult life no one wa really around to teach me i play video game a lot before it wa because i enjoyed it but now it s because i have nothing else to do with myself or other people i don t have any friend but even now i can t fit in online it feel like no one my age play game anymore they re focused on their life college school work i don t fucking have a life the only other human being i talk to is my dad when he get home from work which is only small talk since we re not very close it s been like this for year now i ve felt completely isolated from the world my entire life which is why i don t fit in why can t talk to people and why i don t fit into society standard i want to fucking die so bad i ve fucked up my life so bad i wasted my highschool year even if i have a whole life ahead of me i don t have the knowledge or will to get anywhere fuck it | 1 |
for the past month i ve been postponing my suicide by escapism recently i ve grown a tolerance to any short and long term satisfaction with this i ve seen the only way to escape escapism is by death i want to send my regard to everyone in this sub for being some of the most kind people i ve had the pleasure of talking to everything is in motion and a in tomorrow i will no longer be a living man good night good morning thank you good bye | 1 |
my boyfriend told me if i m feeling unsafe call 9 but i smoke weed to calm my mental health symptom and it s not exactly legal where i live i don t want to get a criminal record but i promised i d call for help but then i can t die any advice | 1 |
am i really just that awful no one want to be my friend my old friend abuse me i hate everything but especially myself when will it get better | 1 |
sorry for the depressing post i have some problem that are long term and i suffer every second of everyday i am so tired of the mental pain of suffering everyday my eye will never be the same again and i only use my right eye i don t want to have such a shameful death but i wa wondering if you people believe this can possibly be a good choice i am about to have exhausted all of my treatment option | 1 |
sometimes i start to plan it by leaving one day and never being found that hopefully i would prepare well enough that no one would ever find me i think that would be better than my family knowing my death wa intentional and planned but i still know they would grieve amp x 00b i m somewhat of an antinatalist and i refuse to ever bring child into this world it just a personal choice i don t judge parent because if i am so miserable why would i create more life maybe if thing looked up and i gained some self esteem again i could have a job i love and more importantly a wife although i don t know how many woman really want to be in a childless marriage i ve never even gone on a date before and i m a m so i worry i ll just be alone for my entire life i feel like a real loser for this i just see life in a very bleak way and i don t see my future a one that is bright and cheerful especially since i don t really believe i deserve good thing i have intrusive thought ocd which is a little voice that throw horrible word and image at me all day and telling me i m a irredeemable human being and a terrible person it exhausting and i feel trapped | 1 |
i ve been plagued with mental illness for almost half my life i ve done and tried everything i can up to this point to recover but it s a losing battle that i m tired of i ve missed out on so much in my life because of my mental health being so shit and honestly i don t ever see it getting any better i figure year or sooner is long enough for me to decide whether or not to go through with my plan of killing myself no one i know personally know about my plan not my family not the few friend i have not even my therapist i don t plan on telling them because i don t want to be stopped maybe they ll hate me for it or maybe they won t odds are they ll never hate me a much a i hate myself this post is gon na get buried under everything else so might a well be talking to myself if you did read this though thanks for reading | 1 |
i dont want to move at all i just want to be stationary for the rest of my life school is actually so draining and i can t bring myself to do anything my parent think so highly of me a if i m really smart i don t think i deserve any kindness from them i ve disappointed them a lot i wonder quite a lot why they haven t disowned me yet i dont know what to do anymore i don t have any friend whom i can call close it s so lonely but i feel like i deserve this for all the pain i ve caused for so many people but the worst thing is i feel like im doing this just for attention and i feel like a horrid human being because there are people who are actually suffering from these horrible thought i just want to fade out of existence | 1 |
please kill me i m so fucking done with this life i m just a burden and everyone around me would be much happier if i didn t exist i d be doing everyone a favor if i just killed myself | 1 |
i can t do it anymore it feel like none of my friend care about me my ex left me and now ha blocked me my mom ha been hounding me about shit that i don t have the time or energy to shoulder i can t speak loudly without struggling i can barely eat without it feeling like sand down my throat i feel so alone | 1 |
the med don t work my doctor is clearly not helping last time i went to him he told me that i wa having a very bad week because i stopped smoking pot five week ago like i m sorry but it would not have a delayed effect like that also he then compared it to a recent promotion he got like dude what the fuck i just keep having these recurring thought of slicing open my wrist and finally just getting the peace and quiet if wanted i don t want to die but i don t want to live like this anymore | 1 |
i m a burnt out mentally ill college student that s already hard i have mental illness that leave the people around me annoyed amp scared of me my coping method used to be music now i can t enjoy listening to it because of my misophonia you know you have a problem when you can t even enjoy music i have to pretend i m okay even if my prof family know i m struggling with unbearable chronic fatigue they still expect me to do super well in college society still expects me to excel at everything toxic positivity inspiration p rn hustle culture blah blah blah so tiring well i can t i am literally mentally amp physically incapable of it i can barely leave my bed i barely enjoy doing anything i used to enjoy doing i m trying to find thing to latch onto i m trying not to give up god just really hate my gut i m at a dead end god i m so close to giving up | 1 |
i used to be really afraid of death and i still am sometimes however a time passed and my life continued to stay stagnant or decline i have come to see death a an escape i hate the thought of hurting people i care about but i really feel like i won t be happy any other way it s been such a long time and i m very tired | 1 |
nobody will probably see this anyways nobody saw my last one i just wanted to vent my current thought so i can at least alleviate some form of pain that s going on internally at the moment ever since my ex left i ve had nobody to talk to i have no bond with anyone no friend or anything all i fricken do now is lay in bed all day go to work when it s time come back and go to sleep i don t live anymore then again what is living anyways if you have nobody to experience it with i just live a lonely existence and i m fricken tired of it i either want to be dead or just drugged up on pill so i can at least feel something beyond this emptiness inside i hate my fucking retarded existence anyways i wasn t meant to be born and i ve felt nothing but pain growing up what do i even have to feel happy about that i make decent money so fucking what money only buy me temporary happiness it isn t eternal i want to feel what true happiness feel like i m sick and tired of this life and i want to just be different or gone completely | 1 |
i hate myself i am the reason i m sad i have no excuse some day i m so happy and blissful but then there are a lot of day most of them where the only thing in my mind is killing myself in multiple way i overthink i plan to perfection i have ish plan to kill myself without my family cleaning anything up i already have an unofficial will written for when i do kill myself i don t want my family to struggle to pick up the piece of why i killed myself so there s always a note then i just do something where no one can find my body i m sad for no reason there is no porpoise to existing i want to help people but i fail to do so all the damn time i joke about killing myself but those joke are getting more specific and i m pretty sure people are catching on that i actually wan na kill myself i actually tried but thankfully failed i didn t have a rope or gun so i started choking myself to do the job i really wan na but i just can t please help me | 1 |
i have felt so depressed for year now im only and i ve been through a lot but who hasn t i m just a weak person that can t get over my issue the only thing i m good at is hurting people therapy will never help me because i am never going to change i m a terrible fucking person and i hate myself more than anything it feel like my life is never going to get better and i know that i will never deserve happiness but i feel like i ll truly be happy once i take my last breath | 1 |
when you can t work and feel like a shadow of a character you put on for other people when you feel like such a burden to people you love almost like you are taking advantage of them because you need their help i got help but i still feel the effect of this depression medication doesn t seem to help the overall feeling that i feel is a lie i want to kill my self at least the identity that i am a strong man i m young i ve accomplished more than my father did at my age however i am still under his roof failure to launch and failure to exercise work life balance living with what i see to be bipolar disorder and the effect it ha on my and other people life holding on to the idea i have that to commit suicide would be murder in the eye of god because i am a slave of his i gave up my life because jesus gave up his struggling to understand or at least accept my sinful nature and reject it at the same time struggling with the idea that perhaps i m trans perhaps i m gay perhaps i m yes that s ok looking at myself gain weight because of my own lack of self control with eating going from the most disciplined with cutting weight for a pro fight going from 0lbs to lb in le than month getting fairly close to the former in i feel sick i feel worthless impotent the exact opposite of what i felt month ago i wan na be well for other people sake i wan na be taken advantage of in the future a work horse for someone a husband a friend an artist just not a crazy one but what can i do i didn t choose to be mad i just am i want to overdose so far i do so with caffeine and nicotine had i been able to get myself to drink alcohol i d use that however i hate hangover i think once i wake up in limbo i ll still feel it doing everything i can to lock myself in the house and not jump off a bridge head first onto the highway running out of video to watch on youtube running out of idea for making music feeling alone feeling a buzz from my med a i type this feeling god looking at me over my shoulder the devil over the other i want to be ripped in two the life i want is living a duel life one for jesus the other with satan queer perhaps my favorite word lately i identify a that queer | 1 |
i m cleaning my house today taking my dog on a nice long walk brushing her giving her all of her treat taking all of the trash out doing all the laundry writing my note and going to bed tonight with the hope that what i take and the amount will kill me i m but i feel like i m 000 i can t pay any of my bill i can t hold down a job because my body is falling apart around me and when my body isn t failing me my dumb stupid useless brain is i hate myself i can t get away from me nobody deserves to have to be stuck with me in their life one funeral and then i m nobody s problem just needed the universe to know it won | 1 |
i hope this sub is a source of help and stability for others not my post but the sub in my case when you spend your whole life white knuckling being normal and chastising yourself for every wrong victim stance ungrateful attitude etc a an absolute failure god what the fuck else are you supposed to do i mean in my case why keep trying what is the fucking point the charade get old and sometimes you just want it to stop | 1 |
i want to km i wa so impulsive and ended a very good relationship we were both first lover and i just can t anymore | 1 |
i almost committed suicide i feel pathetic for not having been able to and i don t know why i stopped i suffer from bpd so this isn t the first time i ve either attempted or gotten close to doing it my friend don t know and i would feel manipulative or a burden if i were to tell them i guess i just wanted a place to talk about it every time i find myself in this type of situation it feel like i get closer and closer to the point of no return | 1 |
this is a long story i m sorry me and my ex broke up year ago but we remained friend but i still loved her and still do to this day after month she stopped talking to me because of this when we were together i never lied to her well i only lied about thing and it s about why i tried km when i wa to this day no one know the real reason maybe my friend bc i almost slipped about it i treated her like a queen we lived 0 hour away from each other and i saved up k to go see her when we were together for gas and my dad stayed at a hotel i wa at the time every anniversary i wrote a very long paragraph maybe on why i love her and how beautiful she is at st it wa every sunday of the week we started dating on sunday then the 9th of every month we lasted 0 month together each paragraph wa different and never said the same thing i did this to help make her feel better about herself because she wa ashamed of her body and i could tell she wa depressed i wanted her to be happy i bought her a lot of gift and always asked how her day went btw i m very poor and at the time i mowed lawn to make money 0 a week during spring and summer i m allergic to grass and been doing it since i wa we broke up and she told me because she wa gay but we can still be friend i quit my job month after bc of depression we had a discord server that contained her brother and their friend there wa this guy that we always played with and me her her brother and the guy played doki doki at st he wa nice then when they left he wa very mean to me saying thing like she doesn t like you just leave why are you even trying and so on i never said anything because i didn t want to ruin any friend ship i wish i said something instantly we all played overwatch together also well i tried to stop playing with just him and only play with her i said it wa bc of my anxiety but the real reason wa bc of him month later she stopped talking to me because i still loved her this is where and why i might be gone soon warning i m going to say graphic thing plz know i don t want attention i just want my story to be told if i do leave day my phobia is being alone and she helped me forget a terrible memory when i wa the real reason that no one know about i wa scarred i regret doing all of this i made 0 account on insta saying sorry and emailed her sorry also plz know i regret doing all of this and understand i wa in a dark place still doesn t justify my action some time after that i wa dmed on insta to go km and other horrible thing i tried telling her but she looked at the screen shot and just blocked me then it happened again then again i wa being told to go km and other thing for month straight even wa bullied by her bf at the same time i screen shotted what he said to me also in the middle of all this my mom oded and wa in a hospital for a week i had no one to talk to i tried cry out for help to her no response i tried cry out for help about the guy telling me to km for month no response she is the only able to stop him she never really tried the only ppl who tried to get them to stop wa me and my friend he wa the only help i had on christmas and easter i also emailed her saying i hope her and her family is ok because covid wa bad and her family is like family to me i worry and care about them a lot still wa being told to km and messaged by her bf i started cutting month of being told to km i stopped a little while ago since i wa still being told to km and bullied by her bf and no change wa happening i cried for help to her parent i showed them the screen shot of what her bf said to me and told them about the person who we still don t know who told me to km later i got a message from her saying that not only she regret our relationship but she is scarred of me and i have to apologize to my friend who wa helping me through all of this btw i don t have the gut to yell at someone bc i ll have a mental break down bc of past trauma parent always yelled at me and i dont have the gut to hurt anyone mentally or physically unless it s to protect my friend or family i m a very protective person of who i love and like when i read this i wa badly hurt i started doing drug not weed bc the smell make me want to vomit and ill never try it but whippet wa accident but made pain go away so i kept doing it some time later my dad got cancer he s doesn t anymore it got removed right away but while he wa gone i had a bad mental break down and i did a free therapy trail online i forgot the website but i did this with different email so i had session i did it for her bc she always told me to get professional help i got told i might have severe adult separation anxiety i have nightmare every night about losing her still to this day i said a lot more infact i told them everything and they told me that they can t officially diagnose me with it because they wanted to talk to me more but i m poor i can t afford that but i then had no one so i cried for help to her last time i wa scarred her dad texted me to never message he again that night i did a full inhale of whippet and tried to km i had seziure idk how to spell and woke up the next day no one checked in on me i woke up on my floor that wa the last time i ever did that some time later her bf messaged me again it wa a pic of him and her kissing making a heart of their hand he said just give up she doesn t love you and never ha i showed the screen shot to some friend and then deleted it bc it wa painful to look at what am i sopose to do cry for help i can t to this day he message me mocking me but she ll never believe me not only i can t tell her but i don t think she even care i also later found out the real reason why she broke up with me wa bc i wa too clingy not only did my friend tell me this her bf did also everyone who i told this story to tell me she cheated on me that there s no way someone would let this happen if they cared about me after i treated her with respect like that during our relationship i don t think she cheated on me she would never do that i tried going out with other girl but i cant bc it feel like i m cheating on her even tho we re not dating it feel wrong i still love her and i always will even tho she never asked if i wa ok when i wa being told to km which hurt badly i still love her the only reason i m alive is because of my hope a nd chance with her but it s dying and i want to die b my hope dy or i m going to die when my hope dy which mean i ll have no happiness left the st time i felt happiness wa when she said yes to going out i cried that night bc i never felt that b bc of childhood i just want her to at least ask if i m ok just to prove my thought wrong to prove that she still care to keep me going i love you and i always will if you some how see this i know you re tired of seeing this but i m sorry plz know if i do lose the battle i lasted this long for you i hope you re proud of me and if you do message me i might come out about the real reason why i can t let go and for whoever read this long thank you i hope you have a great life be safe idk if i typed this but i haven t done drug in a year won t be on this account a lot only to vent it s a alt account i m just trying to get help even tho the only help that will help me is her saying anything nice to me idk when but when my limit is reached bc of her bf and friend and all the past crap they said to me i plan on going 00mph to a pole i already know where i m going to do it it s not like she care anyways i get told to go km for month and bullied to this day and not once ask if i m ok i doubt she ll be sad my thought are telling me she ll be happier if i m dead i get harassed i get yelled at for cry for help i get told to km i get yelled at for cry for help | 1 |
making plan jotting them down laugh emoji response my friend don t know my sentence end in an unspoken if by then i m still alive tightness in the chest with each breath eating and hating myself not eating and hating myself just hating myself a i hold back tear steadily typing despite intrusive thought of suicide what is the cleanest way to go the least intrusive a way to contain the mess a way so what s left can do some good scenario play in my mind some may notice a few will cry no one break everyone move on my life is pointless pointless pointless i am useless useless useless if i keep smiling and laughing and eating and talking no one will see me shaking no one will see my tear no one will see my bruise or hear my unspoken word if by then i m still alive thanks for reading my crappy writing if you made it this far i wrote this tonight because my brain wouldn t shut up i ve had all these thought on and off for a while now i feel like these thought are becoming more and more frequent and intrusive i reached out to my primary care physician asking about a psychiatrist and i wa told to find one myself since it wasn t clear i needed a referral then i tried a couple of time to find one online and couldn t find one in my area i wa willing to talk to so i gave up if i m at work and interacting i m mostly ok i think i only had really fucked up thought once or twice but if i m alone at night my brain go haywire and this stuff pop in i need to stay busy to keep it out but i m too lazy to stay busy enough to keep it out anyway i m not a danger to myself right now i don t have the mean to play out the scenario in my head and i haven t tried to get them i don t want anyone i know to read this but i need to share it somewhere so i can only post it here | 1 |
hypothetically speaking if i went to walmart and bought some motor oil a lighter and a bottle of water then i went out to the parking lot removed my shirt and then doused my arm on fire i m not looking to kill myself i just want self harm in a different way than cutting anf bashing my head with blunt object | 1 |
i m only year ago i wa really one of the famous kid in school everything wa going well until first quarantine started i became probably the most antisocial person it wa the last half year of school so didn t go anywhere because i wa doing online lesson i didn t go out with friend at all until next year where quarantine stopped for month so had to go to school again i started getting bullied by my own friend i couldn t handle it i wa thinking of commiting suicide back then to i got through it but this made me even more antisocial i couldn t trust anyone for a really long time because a i said these were my own friend bullying me for fun now at the rd year everything is kinda ok i started going out with friend again month ago after so long but i don t like going out with them week ago i wa in bed thinking and my hole life what i like the most is video game and lucid dreaming i thought the reason why these are the only staff i enjoy to the conclusion that they offer me just an escape from sad reality which is me not enjoying literally anything else school is my biggest enemy my hole life i wait for it to be over but just can t deal with it anymore only for me to wait every day to end just to basically sleep and play some video game so i faked being sick with a lot of fever for the past week to escape school and all the stress i have in life my parent took me to the doctor and he said to do a lot of test so we can see what is my illness my parent found out because the test showed that i don t have anything they weren t mad because they think that i have a reasonable reason for doing all these and they are right but i can t tell them all of these i just can t find the power | 1 |
i want to be dead ive been suicidal for year im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger im done with life i want all of this to stop why i cant do one thing right | 1 |
i m tired and exhausted at this point i m just someone else and i don t even know how to carry on like that i ve tried to kill myself several time i ve lost everybody and i m scared of the silence now | 1 |
i am 0 live in the usa full time college student and full time journalist i am in my third year of college which is not going a good a i want just like the first two year i don t know what to do anymore i don t think i want to commit suicide but i feel stuck and i don t see any forward momentum for myself so i just really don t know what to do anymore and i have practically no interest in my job or school i don t think i can continue to do both but i can t do one without the other either due to finance and lack of a degree i feel helpless and on top of that i have a heart transplant which make me reliant on employment eventually someone please help me i am caught between wanting to succeed and wanting to fall asleep and never wake up | 1 |
alrighty folk i ve been ready to go for a while but i guess now it feel more right to leave this world no offence but this ha been the most boring nonsense tenure ever and i have no idea how the majority have deluded themselves into staying in a world that is mostly just a turd with sparkle and corn in it then call it the spice of life i am increasingly bored with life nothing is worth the effort or struggle to do what die later that is not appetizing i quite uni i quit therapy i quit med i don t really want to be here anymore but i am constantly held back by my own laziness i just want to sleep all the time to the point that i hope that any merciful god would give me death a a reward for withstanding such a shitty existence i haven t even mentioned what wa wrong with mine the list is short and simple i really dislike the premise of working for everything i dislike working for something and the feeling of accomplishment is a dull tap and i am wondering wtf i just pulled all my teeth out for nothing is really ever worth it i am not remarkable average or even good anything i have is a replaceable a a wasted battery and that is ok nobody relies on me and that is the best place to be for someone who want out i know i don t need any reason to justify wanted to make a grand exit i think it almost abusive to sedate someone into living gaslight their entire experience for extra hand in the population politics cog too many people are waste of space and have absolutely nothing yet still have convinced themselves that life is better than the great void amp x 00b anyway i finally picked my method of exit kawabonga bitch | 1 |
i m literally fighting the urge to slit my wrist and my mom keep yelling at me today ha been impossible i just want to end it all i can t take this shit anymore | 1 |
i m so sick of life and the suffering and bullshit i have to go through just to get a small and short lived taste of fake happiness i want to kill myself but i m afraid that the light at the end of the tunnel is right there but it never is i just can t bring myself to do it and i hate myself for it i m stuck on the edge of just barley getting by and trying to convince myself to give up i feel pathetic even typing this anyone else going through what i am would ve found help by now and become a normal person not vented to a website since they feel like they can t tell anyone else i just want it to be over i don t know how i blew the opportunity of a life i wa given so many people do so much more with so much le but i wasn t given the tool to deal with this i m too emotionally and mentally weak i don t know what else the problem could be and i m not brave enough to choose the only solution and end it i hope this didn t bring anyone else down i know everyone out there ha it in them to be happy i m not sure about myself though i can t provide myself that same kind of confidence | 1 |
what a fucked up little world we are living in | 1 |
i don t know how much longer i m gon na wait could be a few day or a couple week or month definitely by the end of the year though it all depends on if it get even worse and how much worse it get if it get better then i won t do it but i don t see that happening given the pattern it s like every month i lose someone else every day i get a bigger workload and enjoy the thing i like a little le i m an alcoholic and i m not even old enough to drink i ve promised it to myself so many time because it s comforting feeling like the way out is close even if it s not happening but this time is different this time i really don t think i can go on maybe i m just a baby maybe i m over dramatic maybe i m a piece of shit who deserves to die or deserves to live miserable it doesn t matter anymore the reason i have aren t gon na go away or get better just because people tell me they aren t good reason sorry to everyone i m glad i made a new account so they won t see this specific post at least i m probably gon na post the note to instagram right a it s happening just so it s out there and people know and i don t just disappear from everything and leave anyone worrying | 1 |
today i felt like doing something about this so i decided to make an account and come here ive been suicidal for like a year now and i cant fucking bear it ive almost killed myself quite alot but apparently i have a habit of pussying out of everything i dont know if im dealing with depression or if life is just giving me shit but im finally going to try to get help i also might just stop using this account all together i dont really know what people say here and i dont know what to say myself and thinking about it i dont even know why im doing this | 1 |
it seems i need to revise my plan especially the date of my plan because even if i go through with it it will be thwarted because someone is currently freeloading in the house i am currently living in i don t want any disturbance and obstacle in my plan i will plan and re schedule why why why why why why now i have planned this for a couple month but why now why would there be an unexpected obstacle or disturbance now i just want my eternal rest | 1 |
tbh idk why im writing this im struggling a lot ig i tried overdosing 9 day ago and barely nothing happened and the small amount of euphoria i got the next couple of day wa amazing idk just the fact that i could die wa comforting so now imma try midol i only have like 0 tablet ill prob only take it prob wont work but idgaf anymore edit would anyone know if this would work | 1 |
how would anyone feel about this personally if you were to commit suicide and repeat the ever going cycle of reincarnation but with no purpose but to keep living the same failure over and over again no hell just a cycle or repeat of the same thing over and over again i d be pissed personally | 1 |
i can t keep running from how empty i feel how everything feel so forced and fake i m and the social problem began from a very young age the familial problem also i guess i learned from a very young age to brush thing under the rug and bury all of my emotion to the point where i ve been detached from myself for probably year now i ve been to therapy different time and am likely starting again soon but to be honest i don t think it s going to go anywhere until i can be honest with myself but i literally don t know how it s like there s this pit of intense pain that s constantly buried deep within my chest that i suppose will either give me answer or kill me from shame all i know is socializing is completely traumatizing to me school a well i don t know if anybody can relate but i just don t know how to figure myself out or if it s just all in my head i must sound so crazy to anybody reading this but please if you have any question it might really help me to be able to answer them anonymously and unpack stuff i m committed to understanding why everybody treat me like i m some freak i know i m not completely hideous but beyond that i don t think i know what s going on there s like this deep disconnect between how i act even by myself and who i am internally i believe i don t know if any of this make sense but please ask about my childhood or whatever i got ta understand even if it kill me | 1 |
i have made up my mind i am going to kill myself tomorrow i ll be alone in the house for atleast hour so no one will be there to check up on me or save me i have the razor blade and pill i m going to use i have alcohol too and i m going to get drunk while i harm myself i m hoping to go before anyone find me i can t deal with life anymore i can t do this anymore i m not going to say my goodbye this is goodbye i hope y all are able to heal this is going to be it for me goodbye | 1 |
i shouldn t post here or anywhere else but i have nothing else so firstly i want to apologize i m sorry that you have to read this first off because it s all nonsense and also because it may be stupid or weird since english isn t my first language i have nothing no family no friend no job i m stuck in my apartment because i m a coward psychiatrist tell me i have agoraphobia but i don t think it s true i m just a waste of time space and money there s no need for me to still be here i ve tried multiple time to end it all when my family were still here i got caught and sent to psychiatric ward and now it s a neighbor who knew my dad he keep coming again and again to see if i m ok i m wasting his time a well like i waste your time writing this i don t even know why i need to do this it s not like i want any help nor i need any help maybe i just want to leave something somewhere testify about loneliness and mental illness i m already shameful just thinking about somebody will see this and witness how i m such a stupid human being just complaining about nothing playing the victim although i m not long time ago i thought i wa a victim tho my dad did thing to me people at school bullied me i wa thinking like that my mindset wa fxcked up now that i ve rethink about it all i see is the problem wa and still is me i can t blame others over what i did i don t wish this to my worst enemy this void that keep devoting me taking more and more space making me disappear slowly again i m sorry about all that and thanks to this sub if that post is not removed if you re in this state i hope you ll get better soon i don t know you but you re worth it don t let anybody tell you otherwise and never give up on thing you like or that make you feel good | 1 |
in 0 i found out a former friend and person i used to have sex with in 0 wa posting my naked photo to a nude sharing reddit page kik and trading them with stranger on the internet we lived in two different country when i discovered this and the only thing i could do wa call email with the police in his area and inform his girlfriend at the time the police didn t really do much but they were able to track him down and tell him by phone or in person not really sure that he should delete the image he ha of me that wa all that came of it the police couldn t really even ensure he had deleted them his girlfriend broke up with him i did speak to him and he sounded sorry to have been caught he didn t seem to feel bad at all for how he made me feel ever since i have been struggling with this i feel extremely violated and stupid especially since he could still have the photo and be trading them with other people i wa only 0 and he wa when we were sharing nude and having sex and i feel like i did something that could potentially follow me forever i wa struggling hard with mental illness at the time i also had very little sleep and a stressful schedule i feel like i went into some depressive spiral and i started doing dangerous and promiscuous thing including being with him i know it s not an excuse however most day i just try not to think about what happened but some day it come so strong and i get an intense urge to kill myself i am currently married to the love of my life and he wa an amazing support when i discovered my image online in 0 i know doing something bad to myself would absolutely crush him but i feel so worthless sometimes i still feel so violated i have the guy blocked on facebook but i know who his current partner is and i occasionally type in the usernames he used to share image to make sure there havent been any post since then he still seems to have a kik username active under the same name but i have no idea if he is still using it the police told me it would be hard to prosecute for something like this so telling me that i should try to get legal help is useless i obviously can t tell most people about this only my husband know so thank you for listening it s been year now since this all happened and i still occasionally feel extremely suicidal over it i don t know what to do to stop this i struggle with depression and anxiety on top of this but i usually don t feel suicidal unless this come up thanks for listening | 1 |
i m on antipsychotic and they make me sleep for hour i would like to sleep for even longer if possible and no i don t think upping my dose of antipsychotic will make me sleep longer and besides i don t want more side effect | 1 |
when you re having a mental breakdown because you realize the your dream the thing that kept you motivated is completely unobtainable an impossibility nothing more than a pipe dream i m breaking down y all i wan na put a bullet in my head | 1 |
i just want to go to sleep forever i don t want to feel anything anymore what feel good never last and what hurt hurt longer than it should i d rather just not feel at all | 1 |
we found out a couple of day ago that my dog needed to be put down we had a beautiful last day with her yesterday technically she wa the family dog but she spent the most time with me and turned into an unofficial support dog for me she ha been with me through trauma and therapy and everything in between she ha been my rock scarlett ha been an anchor point a grounding into the world she ha been the only thing that ha stayed steady in a world of ups and down she wa there no matter the mood or how sick i wa she ha kept me engaged with the outside world walk and beginning interaction she greeted the world with a smile no matter what she forced you to give her affection and in turn forced hers on you she ha been the definition of unconditional love in my life mainly because i can t assume or misunderstand what she doe or say she ha been my safe place both physically and mentally i didn t want to leave her behind not understanding i ve been struggling with everything even with her to bring me calm i don t know how to do this without her i ve been using numbness to try and stop myself from shattering but a it splinter into smaller and smaller piece there s only so long it can hold a i hear the splintering standing on the cliff edge the ground start to shake i know that if i move i will explode into tiny fragment and that i can t escape from the edge of the cliff falling the splinter are so small i won t be able to be put back together without missing piece the fall into the abyss will spread the fragment far and wide there isn t a way to climb back out this time there isn t the energy to hope enough to look i don t want to die specifically i just can t keep doing this anymore i m beyond tired i m spent i can t see any other option i ve tried and tried and tried different treatment i ve pushed to do exercise and socialise and do what other people have decided is the best for me i ve taken medication even with shitty side effect taking some rest time with no appointment or pressure wa lovely but didn t change anything inside i ve been fighting a hard a i can and it hasn t been enough i began having passive suicidality when i wa and having intense trauma later certainly didn t help the past year ha been the hardest and lowest i ve ever reached i ve been in and out of hospital tried over 0 different med tried different therapy than i have in the past had ect and tried emdr i have a whole team mental health social worker psych intervention team a doctor specialist and so on the only advice that i wa given when i explained that i wa too tired wa to push through to keep going because there have been improvement and people think it will change and to be patient for thing to start working and maybe i should try doing more thing or le thing or have extra support or change my dosage or simplify my medication or go to hospital or an outpatient program i can t do anymore i can t keep forcing myself onwards because other people will notice a change in the outside without much of a change inside i know it s a selfish decision and that it doesn t get rid of the pain just pass over to the people around me it will affect them forever it won t disappear with time i can t kid myself that they will get over it a much a i think it will be the better option i know none of them will agree i can t look through rose coloured glass saying it take away the burden it just change it from me to the people around me i d love to say my goodbye with everyone and give them time to grieve and prepare with them have a perfect last day making sure that everyone know i love them and that it is no one s fault doing thing with people that are special for u trying to say everything that i want to to people face to face to give big hug and laugh together one last time i wish i could give everyone that i m so sorry that i can t and for the suffering that brings there is too much to say to all the people who are precious in my life to write down i m sorry i love you you did nothing wrong you are so important to me i m sorry that i stopped trying thank you for our relationship you have added so much joy to my life i believe in you and all you can achieve i m sorry that there is no time to come to term with the idea i know there isn t any combination of word or thought that will make it any easier for anyone i know there isn t anything that i can do to assuage the guilt and pain and anger i wish i could but that doesn t really matter doe it i don t even know if i can commit to finishing a plan everyone seems to think so but i don t know and if i can t go through with it then no one need to worry or be concerned because there isn t actually danger and i can just be unhappy without the need for restriction and people feeling responsibility for me | 1 |
i m terrible at articulating my thought so apology in advance let me just say up front that no plan ha been made and despite thinking about it so much i don t think i could go through with it this is just a vent piece i guess i feel like such a burden all the time i genuinely only have one real friend left and feel like my roommate co worker hate me i m anti social and awkward i don t make eye contact and i don t talk at all ever i take way too long to text back if i did km i honestly don t think anyone would know until a body wa found or over a month had passed i m just so sick of feeling like an obstacle all the time like i m always in the way or always wrong to think feel a certain way but all of this seems pretty normal i realise it s not a healthy mindset but literally everyone on earth ha trauma everyone ha their own shit they re going through and not only doe it seem like they re handling it a lot better than me but they have real problem i have friend who lost their job over the pandemic i have friend going through break ups grief or whatever and they still manage to practice their hobby and interact with their fellow man but then there s me doing literally fucking nothing all day every day after work and having the ball to feel like shit over it a if it s out of my control i feel weak willed lazy and most of all i feel like the world s biggist egomaniac for writing so much about myself a if it needed to be said thank you for reading my aimless rambling the thought were very intrusive tonight so i just needed to self depricate i guess good night everyone | 1 |
hi reddit i m not sure who else to turn to a i recently had to stop seeing my therapist because i moved state and she is only licensed in my previous state of residence i am looking for a new therapist but i simply can t keep this inside me anymore and i need a place to get it out this year and the last few month of 0 ha been the absolute worst of my entire life i can not believe the amount of negativity loss tragedy and pure bad luck that i ve been experiencing since fall of 0 it s been blow after blow and i can feel myself giving up i m giving up hope i m giving up my optimistic attitude i m giving up my will to continue existing in august of 0 my boyfriend of two year and i began our descent into what eventually led to our breakup in mid december we shared an apartment in oregon and i had to move out in january and move across the country back to my hometown in illinois i wa devastated about the breakup and under immense stress trying to find a moving company to haul my belonging such a long distance i finally found one and it turned out to be a scam they stole all my belonging and i m in the middle of several complaint with them but still have yet to see my thing and i don t think i ever will i lost my boyfriend and my life s worth of item at the same time living back at home ha been difficult a my sister life here and we do not have the best relationship she is severely mentally ill with addiction depression and borderline personality disorder so it s been very hard trying to manage her mood outburst destruction etc she ha attacked me many time said countless hurtful thing and done endless physical damage to the house living with her is very stressful on top of all this my grandpa just died tonight i got a call from my brother out of the blue i can t process this right now and i m at my wit end in the past month i ve lost my boyfriend whom i still love my old apartment and old life in oregon all of my life s worth of belonging and now my grandpa it s almost funny how insanely negative this year ha been i simply can not see myself recovering from all this loss and sadness and i don t know what to do it is just too much and i have no hope or light left i m feeling suicidal | 1 |
i fell so fucking in love with my best friend and i m feeling very alone and in a dangerous space rn i normally would say more but i m tired of telling people the same story and just plane exhausted i just want someone to talk to don t have to be therapeutic just a a fellow human | 1 |
i don t want to be alive anymore i hate being here all i want to do is self harm and cry i hate being in college and i think about hanging myself in my dorm everyday i ve already tried but wa too much of a pussy to do so because i didn t want to disable myself i ve already tried to reach out for help but it didn t help i wa sent to an intensive outpatient program and it hasn t helped nothing help i just want to put myself out of my misery | 1 |
is it weird to think i m getting closer and closer to taking my own life soon year and year of thinking but chickening out maybe soon it will be my time i attempted to swallow pill today and i think i m one getting really close now i hope i have the strength and courage one day to actually do it so i can finally rest and let go of this life i am tired | 1 |
it all depends on how this go im 0yo male who just got engaged around month ago we were planning on getting married and having kid together soon both started work at the same company making quite good money but recently she tell me her feeling for me have changed that she love me but isnt sure we should stay together she feel attracted to a female coworker of hers that is heterosexual so will never return that attraction we ve decided to spend 9 day in an airbnb together to see if we can save the relationship but she told me today it not looking good also she revealed that coworker thing only today i ve been staying at my parent house for around week now but on sunday will go to the airbnb i know you guy will tell me that she s not worth it but i can t change how i feel about her i wish some of y all that have gone through similar situation could maybe give me some advice how i could still save this if it doesn t work out i will either hang myself or obtain heroin to overdose on i have already written a suicide note and mentally been preparing myself i would do it on the last day while she s gone and ask her to come shortly before ending it or maybe even setting up a programme to send the message when i m already dead this is so that she would find me and inform my relative early enough call me an asshole but i think that the people that know me including her would learn from my death to treat people with more respect in the future if all go well i will continue living if not so be it the note punchline is i said i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you well there s nothing that can change that anymore now | 1 |
shit hit the fan a single tik tok comment from an anon account that can t be traced back to me made month ago and a comment i made about a girl month ago have suddenly been brought up by this group of girl they ve made my friend drop me i m not miserably alone a i have always been my whole miserable life now they re trying to talk to my school admin man i just wa excited to start college but it might end up all being over i wish i had the mean to do it quickly and properly without hurting my family | 1 |
in today s society it seems like no one really care instead they re worried about lability litigation after something bad happens and want to shirk responsibility that being said would it be respectful to put my two week notice in before i commit suicide so they re ready for a replacement along with that it wouldn t be a big thing that would slow everyone else down i m thinking about putting in my notice i ve had everything in place and in order will service paid for everything beforehand etc i m just trying to make it easiest for the people who say they care about me along with my employer and co worker they won t be liable or responsible because they can t make me do anything | 1 |
how do i go about telling a friend i m suicidal i feel like i m just being dramatic but i m having intense thought though i m not sure i d act on them and i don t have a proper plan though i m always thinking about it at the same time i don t want to bother anyone it must be a horrible thing to hear from someone and there s nothing they can do really but i m not sure what i can do at this point either i m just so desperate | 1 |
i tried to change thing and live happier but nothing i do work so im just gon na give up bye | 1 |
i don t know if it s depression or loneliness or what but i just feel like i m a drain on this world and society a a whole i m never gon na be someone that impact anyone s life no one is going to wake up one day and be like dang i miss blank what a great guy he wa outside of my family i ll be forgotten in a matter of day if not hour i m convinced that i ve left no impact on this world and won t leave an impact of i m here for 0 or 0 more year i simply don t see a point in staying alive if all i m doing is draining resource without contributing thank you for reading if you did i needed to get this feeling out before i actually do or attempt to do it even if i want to i probably won t have the courage | 1 |
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