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every little thing i do every step i take i regret it after i think too much about how what i do will affect others to the point where i just want to fade away and not exist i can t get over my failure a long a i have a constant reminder of them it s impossible and i can t bear it anymore i wish thing didn t happen like this i wish thing didn t continue like this i just want thing to improve but there s no sign nothing i feel so done | 1 |
i am falling and no one is there to catch me the one that say they will be and care can t be bothered to even listen to me fully anymore i have outworn my welcome here i don t want to deal with this pain or the voice in my head telling me i will never be enough i want to end it so badly but i can t bc i have important obligation that need me and it would destroy if i left and i love them but god i am so tired of being in this pain | 1 |
im a faliure i have no friend i have shit grade i dont find anything interesting i just wan na die i dont know what to do | 1 |
god i feel so constantly out of place i feel like i m always being bothered and anxious i hate it i just want to be alone i would give anything if i could do online again i just feel so anxious and sad at school even with my own friend i just would give anything if i could be by myself i hate it so bad it s so cold and desolate | 1 |
i ve the same feeling now of sickness when i wa doing my attempt to suicide year ago or about that time i feel sick physically i m sick i failied in life i failed in every decision i ve made i failed in loving my ex i failied loving my family i failed being a good friend i failed being obedient i failed i failed | 1 |
hello family i m here to just talk a little about how i feel and plan for my future recently a new gun law wa passed in ohio where i live i no longer have to be to buy a handgun i don t need a ccw nor can they do a background check it go into affect in day the age is the only thing that used to restrict me from buying but soon enough that will change i m so tired of feeling to way i do my son mom make everything so difficult to the point where it would just be easier on everyone if i wa gone and leave my son with a could be would be dad and save him from seeing how i actually am sometimes i get excited to be able to watch my son grow up but then i remember how much of a brick wall the mother is going to be and then i m right back down the spiral i never got out of in the first place she ha absolutely no regard to my feeling i m just tired of the hurt tired of being deceived and tired of being tired i want it to end and the only end in sight i see is the fire arm and before anyone say it no the mother is not the cause of all my problem nor wa she the beginning of it all i ve felt this way since th grade i m now 0 amp graduated in 0 0 and ha been getting worse ever since i ve tried medicine never felt a difference i ve tried drug but in the end they just make me feel worse i want to be there for my son but i can t with her i m pretty self aware and understand that some of the thing i say are selfish in the eye of some but it s just how i feel and i have no one to talk to so here i am i really appreciate anyone who take minute out of their day to read my message | 1 |
it s been year since i ve any kind of intimate relationship i ve tried over and over and over to get a girl of any kind and it always end the same they leave me on read or open within two day and honestly i m just a huge loser and i m ready to crash my car and die so if anyone would like to know why i did it there it is i m a fucking failure | 1 |
i m a frequent poster here i ve struggled all my life with these feeling thing seemed like they were getting better i wa genuinely happy and then it got taken away again i live in shitty section housing i wa kicked out several year ago and i ve been struggling to stay afloat since my mother and i recently discussed me moving back home which wa le than ideal she bought a condo and offered it to me she even suggested i get a roommate i wa overjoyed my so could move in my best friend could move it it seemed wonderful and then once i already signed the paper to move out in two month my mother told me to stop looking for a roommate she ha been considering moving into the larger bedroom and taking my kid sister with her leaving me alone in the smaller bedroom with no support and i have no place to argue against this she bought me a new car a an early birthday gift she s paying for me to go through school i m currently struggling to keep my grade up and she s rightfully angry about it my apartment is messy and she s mad about that too rightfully so i am going to lose my privacy and be stuck in the tiny condo with her without support from my so and my best friend my mother is very controlling so i know i won t be able to play video game or talk to my friend in peace it ll just be lecturing do your homework look for a better job etc etc i don t have the motivation for either i barely have motivation to go to my current job she doesn t get that i m so incredibly depressed and suicidal every single fucking day i just got rejected for a better job and now on top of all that i ll be stuck in a confined space with her with no freedom again and i ll probably become babysitter again for the child i pretty much raised for her it s not fair | 1 |
my chest feel so heavy and tight im having trouble breathing im nauseous and my head hurt so much | 1 |
i f am really at a loss right now and don t want to talk to anyone i actually know about it i failed at college left my good job for my toxic ex husband divorced in a new relationship that is turning out to be toxic a well making salary i used to renting a house i can no longer afford i don t know how i will ever get myself out of the situation i ve dug myself into at this point i ve distanced myself from the few people i wa actually close with the only reason i haven t killed myself yet is because it would destroy my mom and probably put my brother back into active addiction after year sober i don t have insurance to afford therapy i guess i m just venting and trying to make up my mind of what to do if anything | 1 |
a girl i absolutely love left me and doesnt want me to be apart of her life at all anymore due to too many argument in the relationship she lost her trust in me but i cant seem to get all the memory of u out of my head i love her and it hasnt gotten any easier i just dont know if i can handle the pain much longer | 1 |
plz | 1 |
i tried to od on tylenol and took like 0 pill ended up tripping ball then throwing up and being miserable for the rest of the night now i have some sort of phobia in which i can not even think about taking pill without getting extremely nauseous anyone know how to overcome this new fear is there a better subreddit to ask this question | 1 |
i hope everyone ha a wonderful life you all deserve good thing i m too tired | 1 |
idk i guess this is a vent or something but whatever lately everything ha been okay like daily wise school is okay i guess just wish every math lesson didn t either leave me with a headache or panic attack slamming door and yelling just remind me of my childhood and always sends me into a panic attack today i had two in different class i m hard of hearing and i have hearing aid i wish that i could turn them off or take them out whilst the yelling and shit wa happening but i m always in that state of freeze and panic i m the new kid no one seems to notice it which is fine home is okay there is just court and custody shit going on since my mother and father can t make one agreement now me and my brother have to go to court and get like attornies or some shit like that to settle it down i don t know i m exhausted i don t feel like living rn i feel like everyone hate me and is drifting away and i can t handle that i m clean of self harm though i m probably gon na break that after this post i ve been thinking a lot about offing myself i m so tired i don t wan na live anymore i can t live anymore to be honest i m just struggling so much fuck i can t even make it a full week of school i got sexually assaulted by my cousin on the weekend and i feel like it s my fault i just really need an escape but even getting high can t block out all the shit that go on in my head i don t wan na fail like last time i tried offing myself just too many question and everything what am i meant to do i do see a therapist and everything but i feel like it doesn t help i don t wan na be alive anymore i really don t | 1 |
i recently broke up with my boyfriend of year and it s because of something awful i did but i don t know what to do anymore because i ve lost all my friend and everyone close to me found out about me and now i have no one i don t know what to do and i can t take it anymore | 1 |
i m never enough why do people always leave why do i always scare them away i can t anymore i want everyone to be happy but i cant do it im not enough for them i wish i can make a difference i feel so alone right now i want to disappear | 1 |
i feel like i have no redeeming quality deficient in everything no determination strength ambition intelligence virtue im not even beautiful im ugly a shit and my personality is even uglier i just isolate myself now i can t even be bothered to try making new relationship anymore i ruin all of them with my horrible personality i dont even have to try ive sorta accepted that ill probably die alone it doesnt bother me a much now but the fact that ill have to live with this ugly face body and mind make me physically ill i just feel so fucking useless like the side character whod get killed off in the first two episode haha im literally such a goddamn loser it almost funny | 1 |
idk man i just really like pool and cleaning product i also love strong menthol cough drop and vics vapor rub idk if it a harmful tho is this not a good thing should i tell someone | 1 |
all i want is to be loved no i need to be loved i only ever end up in abusive relationship im an object i am always used the people i ve loved more than anything have hurt me more than anything i just want to be loved but i will only ever be abused | 1 |
my depression ha gotten much worse lately but i haven t told anyone how bad it is not even my wife because she s still grieving her mom who passed away last month and i don t want to add to her trouble i ve been having suicidal thought again but so far no intent to actually end my life however i have relapsed into self harm again and i think it s worse than it ha been before like i can t end myself because my wife and kid need me and i m now the only income earner in the house so i need to provide for my family so i m doing the next best thing and hurting myself thus why i m hesitant to tell my therapist how bad it s gotten i d voluntarily committed myself a couple year ago when i wa suicidal and told my wife so i know how that go but i know there is a risk that if my therapist think is dire enough i can be involuntarily committed and i can t afford to miss any work right now i don t know what to do i know i don t have a lot of time to decide because my next therapist appointment is in a few hour | 1 |
sometimes i feel like living and dreaming but most of the time i just want to sleep and never wake up i can t decide if i should die or live nothing is joyful anymore nothing make me happy and i don t love anyone rnough to live for them just in case what s a painless and quick way to go | 1 |
going home make me want to kill myself | 1 |
i just bought 0 paracetamol a 0ml bottle of vodka and some coke to balance it out i love my mom i feel like shit this happened like 0 0 0 but my crush at uni played me flirted and cuddled with me for two day only to fuck another girl right in front of my eye and after chasing him and being rejected i got bullied by our friendship group everyone cut me out and stopped talking to me he fell in love with me after i told him something private and made a playlist with song about me on his phone and i fell into a psychotic episode right in front of him i believed i could use telepathy to communicate with him i wa fully convinced he wa on heroin and took heroin for me because i d hear other thought inside of my own head i ve never loved anyone the way that i loved him and he s verbally told me to fuck off and that he doesn t want anything to do with me it kill me to know i ll never be with him when i could have university wa my last opportunity and the psychotic episode i had led to me fucking it all up i ended up dropping out and spent month in the psych ward and nothing will ever feel the same again i ll never have child or get married because i have asperger s so i fake my way through any and all conversation i lie and hide and smile but i don t have anything to say i just wanted to tell at least one person this i m going to kill myself and this is the end edit i ve taken half of the pill and i m not that drunk so i want to keep going edit had pill with coke and vodka before i felt like i needed to puke dry heaving and threw away the bottle and pill | 1 |
hey everyone it s me ifiwasanotaku sorry that i ended up deleting it all last time but i gave it all some time and i don t think i can sustain this life anymore a i planned before i will be dying on th april but i just wanted to reach out to everyone who reached back to me that night and asked me to think some more i will always appreciate you all and all you did i m ugly and unlovable and i don t deserve this all i hope you ll forgive me for making your effort go to waste thank you again for everything | 1 |
already been on ssri s and they didn t do anything i don t desire companionship or want relationship just want to kill the desire entirely | 1 |
i have been told by several people including my brother to kill myself recently it really just seems like everyone want me dead i ve been thinking and i know how i could do it the only thing keeping me alive is my dog but when he dy i die i cant deal with the bullying and toxicity anymore | 1 |
i just think about dying almost every god damn minute and it so annoying | 1 |
everyday i want to km but can t i ve even stood on the edge of a building ready to jump but don t how can i summon the courage to actually go through with it i hate living i hate the idea of having to do a 9 until i m 0 or 0 and have 0 0 year of limited freedom my ex broke up with me she say she doesn t have the energy to hang out with me anymore i have nothing to live for how do i just go through with it and take that dirt nap i m sure none of you can give advice on how to actually go through with it but idk maybe i just need to vent maybe i m hoping someone will give me advice i don t know what i m doing with this post | 1 |
i constantly have negative suicidal thought and i need it to stop | 1 |
so last year i made two attempt one after the other and i ve been going to the psychiatrist and psychologist ever since thank goodness i m feeling a little bit better but everytime i get sick and take medicine my stomach act up and i get diarrhea i don t know if this is the right place to ask but if anybody is a doctor could i ask you if this are psychological sequel or body sequel since my method both time wa through overdosing a bunch of pill | 1 |
i m not sure if this is the right subreddit to go to but i don t know where else to go my spouse ha struggled with severe depression his whole life it is genetic his dad wa the same any amount of pressure make him worse he constantly feel a though life is not worth living and he s a lost cause he will never feel okay and just want the pain to go away we have a baby coming any day now and i wa worried that pressure wa gon na send him over the edge we have been talking about having him voluntarily go to a psych ward and see if they can help kinda a a last ditch effort before i just give him permission to end it today he talked to his counselor about going to one in a few week after the baby wa here and they came and picked him up an hour later he is pissed doesn t want to be there which i understand is normal he feel completely betrayed by his councellor and never want to go back i m worried that now he is going to pretend like he is fine just to get out the point of this is to get help why won t he just take it i m scared the mental hospital won t help at all i just need you guy who have been there before to be honest with me did it help what thing helped and what made it worse if it doe help or when he come back home what are some thing i can do to continue the healing process or just make his life easier anything else you feel to share please do i hate not knowing thing and this is really killing me right now | 1 |
my girlfriend finally left me my depression drove our relationship into ruin it also drove my relationship with my family into the ground i feel so hopeless i feel so much sorrow and so much rage toward myself i m not emotionally stable one negative thing can put my mental state so deep in the negative i don t know what to do anymore but killing myself i feel tired all the time i try to work for something but then i fail and can t pick it back up cause of my exhaustion why is it so painful watching the people you love leave knowing you can t blame anyone but yourself and they think i m not trying hard enough or i dont care about them i just can t win the battle in my head with my depression and my anxiety i wa never religious but i started praying for god lately to end my life please i just want to go and rest i just want to be at peace | 1 |
i wa planning to kill myself from the last month i just wanted to spend whatever time i had with my friend and family i met up with my friend last week for what would be the last time so that wa done then i wanted to spend some time with my parent which i did yesterday and only my grandparent remained so i spent some time with them today and i decided that would jump from some tall building in the night but my grandmother surprised me with something she call dosa party so yes dosas stopped me today but i don t know that i can face tomorrow i really don t know | 1 |
hello idk what to do anymore my dick is fucking broken and i can t feel it anymore look up hard flaccid if you want to know it i hatey life now have little sexual interest and feel worthless idk if i ever can have fun with sex again and i m still only 0 i had my life to live but it seems over also i have some fucked up familiy and mental health problem i don t wvtn know where i ll be next year all my goal and ambition are lost i just want to end the pain is there any easy and minimal pain way to die | 1 |
it s been year of fighting with my brain everyday i last attempted a month ago and it wa honestly traumatizing i know it s only a waiting game till i give up again i m just sick of failed attempt and it s the only reason i m putting it off i m so over everything i didn t go to therapy this week because i couldn t face having to talk i feel so broken and unable to deal with anything and idk what to do | 1 |
hey guy i ve been depressed for a while now and have passive suicidal thought every day my younger sister is excelling earning lot of money travelling and living life to the full which is fantastic and i am so proud of her but i can t help comparing my low energy life lack of any friend and absence of any passion or achievement to hers a after all we came from the same weird parent if i end it the only people it would affect would be my mum she deserves better than what i have to offer but i don t know how to make her proud she must be so sick of me i just don t know what i am meant to do i m on a low income salary riddled with debt flunked university because of weed addiction i have essentially ruined my life i just wish i could press rewind on the last 0 year or at least start afresh by allowing my life energy to pas on to someone who could utilise it better what to do | 1 |
i am told that my perfectionism is unproductive and unrealistic that i can not perform excellently on every task i set to that this is no reason to panic and consider the worst and yet the world itself is perfection obsessed we applaud prodigy exclude people who don t perform perfectly from higher academic program idolise perfect work i can t bear it these thought are not just figment of my imagination they are very real and true i can t just dismiss them because they are uncomfortable | 1 |
i just want to get it over with i hate living every day knowing one day it s going to end i hate the fact that i exist at all i try to get advice from people they either tell me basically to deal with it or turn back to religion which isn t happening neither one of those doe a damn thing for me what the fuck do i do i want to blow my brain out so i don t have to worry about it anymore just get it over with losing religion wa the worst thing that ever happened to me i wa so happy when i thought god wa real now i know the truth and life mean nothing pointless | 1 |
not sure if anyone can relate i feel like probably not on this subreddit so i do apologise if it s rude to post here but i want to die i just don t want to kill myself i can t wait for life to be over but i don t want to just end it i want to smoke to speed up the process and i just feel a little nihilistic i wouldn t really call myself suicidal but i don t think i ll be sad when i die either | 1 |
at my lowest low i become very apathetic or very angry at the majority of people and object around me i feel so lonely and making good friend and dating are so difficult for me while i understand this is difficult for many people i m only really focused on myself and how i feel because when i wa suicidal last year it wa due to not caring about myself now i care about myself but i hate other people for not caring about me in the way i want them to care about me i also have basically no money i make very little at my job because they won t promote me to being a full time teacher despite me working just a much a any other full time teacher in the building just another thing i m angry at people about i really wish i could meet people for any social benefit sex cuddling someone to talk to on a regular basis someone to watch tv with or go out to eat etc i crave those social interaction but i m struggling to find anyone to fill those hole thank you in advance for any help advice | 1 |
is there anyone i can talk to just for a while | 1 |
i feel empty inside miserable and worthless i hate this pointless point of fact but what else is there here taste disdain hate and fear within myself that s all i find even though i wish to be kind i wake each day in dreadful pain hating every breath and every night i say a prayer begging for freedom for death | 1 |
tw for self harm abuse and suicide for the past year i ve suffered with severe depression from family genetics and other issue a a young kid death wasn t really my first thought it just kind of started appearing after a bit when i wa in middle school my close friend sexually assaulted and abused me for a year and a half they also psychologically manipulated me and abused me in way that i m shocked they got away with i have made around failed suicide attempt in my life time only one ha been severe enough to end up in a hospital because i told people but realistically there s several more that i should have been taken to a hospital for a they probably fucked up some stuff internally i form really strong and probably toxic bond with people to the point where if i think i will be left i try so hard to keep them around that it can be overbearing i ve gone to therapy since i wa in elementary school and i ve done dbt and cbt intensively i have definitely gotten better but the fact that any time someone leaf me i feel so distraught that killing myself feel like the only option my partner and i broke up at the end of january and it ha more or le destroyed me i lost my virginity to them and the breakup came out of the blue they said we could start talking again when they felt like it so i have left them alone i wa being weird about saying hi so i tried to do that some more and i wa feeling better about moving on and staying friend in the future i really haven t been feeling better i still wanted to die but i wa managing it pretty well on monday at midnight they sent a text saying they wanted to give me closure and that they never actually wanted any sort of relationship after and oops sorry about the confusion i m not sure why they sent that we haven t spoken in almost month there ha been no communication and i only told two people how i wa secretly hoping thing could be patched up everyone else who asked i had just said hopefully we can remain friend in the future i know not everyone want to stay friend but they were the one who proposed it that sent me on a spiral i broke month of self harm ripped off my fingernail in stress and haven t eaten correctly since realistically if this is going to be my response to every breakup or conflict how can i keep living like this i don t want to end my own life since a th failed attempt would be embarrassing but i also don t want to be here anymore everyone tell me that in a few month i get to move to my dream town so it ll be fine but really i don t care about that i can t handle the pain now and knowing i ll have to have it possibly many more time is excruciating i feel like i could have been a success story but realistically if it s been so long and i ve only barely gotten better then what s the point i m trying my hardest to find reason to live right now but i don t have much to care about | 1 |
f and going through a really bad break up up until the break up the only thing i wa scared of wa him dying when we were old now i can t even set foot in the home we once shared i am going to sleep every night with his ghost rattling in my head but he is still alive just a stranger now please tell me this crushing pain will end because if it doesn t i think i m going to have to the memory are torturing me i just want them to stop i can t learn anymore it just hurt | 1 |
i can t decide i really want to but then again | 1 |
my life is a total shitshow i had an abusive childhood physical mental and emotional abuse complete neglect and ignoring from my father and overbearing manipulation from my mother religious abuse because of the way i wa raised i wa sexually molested in high school i went from that life experience straight into unexpected motherhood and eventually a marriage that quickly became toxic but i loved him so much that i couldn t even acknowledge the abuse that wa happening more kid later i watch them living through their own childhood hell and i tried so hard to fix everything but it just kept getting worse being used worsening mental and emotional abuse trying to carry the demand and unhappiness of someone who refused to get help for their diagnosed mental issue and i began losing myself in my own anxiety and depression after year of escalating mistreatment and abuse my husband told me he wanted a divorce the following month were a nightmare i found out he wa cheating on me and went through more abuse during the process of separation i fell completely apart emotionally and began having multiple panic attack a day i couldnt eat or sleep i had heart attack brought on from the stress my husband wa still living in our house at the time but didnt even show concern or acknowledge that i almost died i wa back at work the following monday he took all the money and spent what little i made at time i couldn t even feed my kid my daughter wa buying food at school so she and her younger brother could eat i fought tooth and nail for my marriage trying so hard because even though he treated me like shit he wa my world and i loved him he had been my rock throughout my teen year helping me get through the abuse and trauma at home only to become the same type of father himself i tried to help him to help my kid and i loved them all with my entire being trying to be the glue that held u all together but i couldn t fight the inevitable my entire life wa torn apart he divorced me leaving me with our traumatized suffering kid and our broken down house to assuage his guilt i sought help because i wa self harming and suicidal i wa diagnosed with a slew of mental condition including depression anxiety and ptsd i wa not a functioning human being for at least a year i barely remember that time of my life other than the agony and feeling like a walking corpse i mourned the death of who i had been the last few year since then have been nothing but struggle too my house had already been falling apart but thing just kept worsening electrical line not working that meant no oven full size refrigerator or dish washer no air conditioning no heat no hot water a pool that is dilapidated and look like a swamp there are so many issue with the house and i can t afford to fix them those are just a few none of the paperwork wa filed by my ex either so although it s mine according to the decree it s still listed a legally his i pay a mortgage in his name i can t afford to change thing with a lawyer i make so little money i can t keep my head above water to even keep our basic need met and even though it cost too much my mortgage is still cheaper than the cheapest bedroom apartment anywhere near me i cant sell it because it in his name anyway my ex is no longer in our life i m trying to find a job that pay a decent wage but i have no college degree i need to make at least k to be able to make it and i ve applied at literally hundred of place with nothing but scam replying positively my relevant work experience is over year ago and my current job ha literally zero room to grow or increase income i hate my job my kid are mostly grown but still live at home my daughter is in college she took out loan and scholarship my oldest ha his own mental issue that prevent him getting a job my youngest is in high school i ve filed for forbearance and now am thousand behind on the house we are of the brink of losing everything if i can t pay it all back because the loan can t be modified since it in his name and i can t refinance without an up to date loan within the next few month we are facing possible homelessness in the last couple year i met a guy who i am close to although we are long distance i fell for him hard and he encouraged me in my feeling but ended up basically leading me on i got my heart broken again i hadn t thought i could care for someone again after all i had been through but being burned again especially from this man ha left me with ash instead of a heart yet i can t turn off how badly i just want to be loved and how much i care for him he s still in my life a a friend but it s painful my heart is just so far beyond simply broken i don t think i can ever recover after all i ve been through it seems like almost every day something else go wrong thing break at my house not small thing major one today it wa my daughter s laptop that she need for school and me losing my next to last pair of contact that i can t afford to buy more of just when it seems like thing might not improve but at least be okay something else happens that knock u down even further i m working job but we are bleeding money so badly i can t keep up and i am just so tired of trying to exist i hate my life the only reason i haven t killed myself is because of my kid i love them more than anything and i feel so awful for feeling this way when i know how much they love me and how i love them i m terrified of slipping back into self harm i cant cope i m in excruciating emotional pain and the stress is overwhelming i have panic attack i can t sleep i ve had to stop buying my medication because my daughter need it more my son could use mental help but i cant afford it i just need to vent to scream that i am not okay that i can t make it i m so tired so tired and i just want it all to stop i just want the nightmare of my life to end there is no more light to be found the light at the end of the tunnel really is a freight train in my experience i am broken lonely unhappy in complete despair and i feel worse than beat down i feel like roadkill like im crushed and lifeless and not even reconizable a something that wa once alive and yet still the tire come to grind me deeper into the pavement endlessly i feel worthless unlovable hopeless oddly enough i still volunteer at church but even though i still go and serve there i don t believe any of it anymore because my life ha been so bad for so long and it just keep getting worse and worse not for day or week or even month or year literal decade of trauma a lifetime of it and still it get worse i dont know how to keep going every day it s harder and harder i ll probably delete this because i already feel so exposed but i just needed to try to get it out i just want it to stop i just want it all to stop | 1 |
everyday at some point i get this overwhelming urge to kill myself sometimes it when i wake up sometimes it when i fall asleep sometimes it in the middle of the day there is no rhyme or reason to the timing a year ago my best friend who i went to for encouragement and care killed himself and i think he killed himself because he couldnt handle my problem on top of his own i keep cutting myself and while i dont cut that deep it get deeper everytime i do it i feel like im a disappointment to my dad and grandma since i just lay around at the house instead of going to university it just so hard to convince myself to do anything a nothing is fun anymore i used to love playing game but now that is boring and lifeless my dad think i should just push through and maybe i should but it just feel so difficult i feel like im a terrible person who abuse others for emotional gain a i will often make request of others without reciprocating and will get mad and yell at others for doing thing that inconvenience me ive been trying to do better but everytime i seem to improve i come back worse than before i think the world and my family would be better of without me being a parasite i feel like killing myself will ultimately make the world a better place im sorry for the rambling text i probably sound stupid or crazy but i wanted to get my authentic thought out | 1 |
i think today the day i realized my life is over and there s no point in going forward i have nothing and i never will have anything i also don t like life it s horrible people are horrible having to do shit in general is horrible being human is horrible and at my job we have those really strong pipe that could hold my weight so now i m looking for a sturdy rope i work in maintenance and then once the people upstairs leave that s when i make my attempt i hope i pull it off if anything i ll delete this post if i failed but today is the day my life end i refuse another shit day i refuse life wish me luck i m going to need it | 1 |
i have probably around 0g of metformin sitting next to me right now im scared but relieved that everything will finally be over | 1 |
i won t share detail and i won t help anyone with their plan but when you know what you want to do and how to do it being alone is really hard especially when you promised to live i don t want to do this anymore how fucking unfair | 1 |
hello i f have told all my friend amp family i m in a dark place i just started treatment with a therapist amp am meeting a pcp soon i am on a personal leave from work to deal with these personal issue it wa tough but i have been transparent with my support system family friend that i left an abusive relationship amp i am deeply ashamed that i almost did not leave i left my home amp family for yr amp lived with my partner in another state i just moved back in with parent grateful but struggling to adjust in my heart there is shame knowing that i only left because he admitted he did not love me for the past yr not because it wa an abusive relationship amp i nearly died i couldn t amp still can barely see past the love i had for this partner amp grasp that it wa abusive my trust wa betrayed so deeply from this yr relationship it wa a if a switch had been flipped amp the person i believed i wa in a mutual loving relationship with wa suddenly gone i wa treated so callously by my partner i know this is simply how the world is amp i need to come to term but now i struggle with depression amp anxiety with every relationship in my life i am utterly terrified to trust even family amp friend but i have been high functioning forcing myself to be active amp social my family amp friend have been here for me bringing me back from the ledge amp encouraging positive outlet like socializing with friend amp working out i am scared because all i can think in the moment of stillness is what is the point for now the point is to keep pushing on for family amp friend because i do not want them to have to live with my death if i committed suicide i feel like i am on borrowed time amp my excuse for sticking around will soon mean nothing my cup is so low i just want to sleep all day amp not wake up i m terrified i want to be okay i don t know what else to do i hate putting the pressure on my friend amp family to pull me back from this metaphorical ledge i know they love me amp they have told me i am not a burden i can not shut out that voice in my head saying i am being a burden i should just be strong get up and amp move on i just want to be able to be fine again can anyone help me by suggesting resource that i have not already exhausted or by answering the question what is the point my sibling shared that personally his point purpose in life is to spread positive energy amp change with each person he interacts with i used to amp my heart still longs to be this way but at the end of the day what is the point we re all going to die anyways i m tired someone please help | 1 |
i m ready to end all but i don t have the courage to do it i ve thought of different way when and where i would do it but i m scared i m a f and life isn t going well my career isn t going a planned in a few week i ll be out of a job i wa terrible at this job and had no choice but to leave i have another offer and interviewing for another place but i m scared it won t work out and i m ashamed that i have to find another job i m struggling financially and i m too scared to tell anyone i don t know how i m going to keep going i m extremely depressed and want this to end i don t know where i m heading in life what is good for me and how to keep going my life goal wa to be successful settle down and have child but i don t see that happening if i stay i see myself being unhappy in corporate america my thought are all over the place right now but i have no one to talk to i m not living the american dream i m living someone else s dream this make me think that the world would be a better place without me | 1 |
every day feel so fucking long and school feel even longer somehow | 1 |
life is just working hard at school so you can work hard at college so you can work hard at an unpaid internship so you can work hard at an unfulfilling job so you can have a nice funeral when you finally kick the bucket whats the point the only thing keeping me from offing myself is the fact that my girlfriend would be devastated and the off chance that it could fail and leave me permanently injured why do we a a specie continue to exist in this hellscape despite it inherent pointlessness | 1 |
i wish inwas dead i just cant take it anymore you stupid fucking redditors all you can give me is useless worthless nothing i hate you so much kill me kill ke kill me i beg of you the only thing that can validate you is to kill me ypu are worthless the only way you can regain honour is to kill me i am nothing | 1 |
i wont do anything because i fear hell but still i cant really explain anything about what i feel think or who i am since a kid ive felt like everything is a fever dream where im being carried by something else that i dont really have control over where i end up where i am at a point in time you ask me the type of question that relate to the my idea of myself and i lose myself and paradoxical thought and incoherent idea i feel sad happy suicidal overly optimistic manic confident in different point in time like random due to this tortured psyche i tend not to know why why is the biggest description of my life i dont why im writing this i dont know if i want a solution for this i dont why i want to know why those paradox of hope and despair make the idea of just be yourself a death sentence for myself ive pushed many away because of my mind baggage and this regret make me rather troubled i am social mostly from a intense desire to conduct and use all my mind nonsense energy into talking talking to people no biggie but when i start getting close to someone or i start liking them a timed detonation start that i dont know the countdown of eventually i will realease my mind onto them on that point in time the relationship wont be the same some people like me for this the existencial despair of my mind is very funny when you hear it talk some just stop talking to me some want to passionately help me save me from myself to be a mentor recently i have to really control it i dont know to what point im getting too i just forgot half of the thing i wa gon na say eventually what im feeling right now a mental breakdown i think maybe i just feel all the paradox getting into a boiling point will reach a limit usually i start getting into suicidal thought not because i hate the world or necessarily hate myself my life etc is a strong feeling of wanting to go away to a better place to see the beautiful thing of a different world to reset my reality to get out of here to end my mind to end my happiness and my sadness my mind suddenly calm itself the fog suddenly clear like body saying you wont die i am left wondering what wa i even thinking about i just wasted my time amp x 00b then the cycle start again i love circle amp x 00b due to this my mind want to end it own thinking meaning that i tend to seek mental damage note you can see how this is a problem for romantic relationship i mean no one want to deal with a man with deep mind issue im willing to accept that i will live and die mostly alone with no meaningfull or deep friend except my family right now and in the future i will have friend and such allways im not a loner on earth but a loner on my reality | 1 |
my decision is irreversable and ha been thought through for some time i don t need any you shouldn t do that dont give up i know my action will be egoistic for people around me but i couldn t care i won t suffer so they do not have to go through my suicide should i leave a good bye fuck you letter or should i just do nothing | 1 |
my clock ha stopped some time few year ago and never worked again i am literally living like a zombie without purpose without passion and definitely without hope i lost navigation in my life and grew indifferent to whatever happens around me i don t know why am i living till now or why should i be living in the future i started losing my ability to communicate with people my social insecurity are growing bigger and bigger sometimes i need someone to listen but i always fail to put my thought into word and end up being misunderstood my friend are awesome and understanding but it just feel terrible not being able to explain how empty shell i have become no one would believe it when you show compassion and humor all the day long right i have been suicidal for year but never had the courage to exit this life my silent life always tell me to keep it silent and never create drama out of it i am living in the shadow of this existence and i want to die in the shadow too i tried many thing to get myself out of the zombie mode i tried pushing myself into social activity i tried to exercise i traveled i met new people i tried to do what i used to enjoy i tried to experience new thing i tried to read i failed to do all because i couldn t keep my concentration enough and my thought always drifted away eventually all these attempt of escape drained my mind i am a master s degree student who should be working on thesis now but i always push the workload and procrastinate till the last moment before the deadline to be honest i don t know why i am even studying it is nothing more than another failed journey to find myself i feel that time space water food air and everything that my biological body consumes are wasted for keeping me alive while other people with actual dream and goal out there living in the most extreme hardship i am just jealous suicidewatch community what is worth living for will i ever be able to get through this | 1 |
i study in university and started cause liked what i wa doing computer science but now i just plainly hate it and am tired between this my mental health and my family that keep on pressuring over study non stop litteraly even though i study it but i don t want to do this anymore i just feel pain and stress for it i try to feel normal and such with some passion like learning how to draw and sing and also streaming but my family will sure just slow me down and stress me more so i study more and more then will sure interrupt my therapy soon enough saying i either have been cured or cause no money for it but they will say i just got ta study more and more at the end nothing more just study and pain study study study study i can t fucking take it anymore i can t even hurt myself enough to get into an hospital cause my family will pressure me even more later over the lost hour or will pressure and force me to study even in hospital and can t even change cause it is the only thing i know how to do i though about voice acting since i liked that too but my mom just told me the truth that there are already too many voice actor out there so it s useless and i won t get a career most probably so i m stuck in c in pain and pressured while also having to help my family around continously and i can t even fucking vent to them or scream my pain cause they will order me to not scream and say that they will feel sick including my grandma cause of my screaming giving all fault to me and i can t take this anymore i just want to rest and cry but no i got ta be in class like rn and follow and study more and more non stop my only way out then is just killing myself at this point i have no more solution this is it i can only kill myself right now at this point | 1 |
i have no will power to do anything i hate doing assignment and study all they do is blame me for not doing anything cuz everyone are doing the same thing and they say that i m not the only one who ha problem i don t know why i m really afraid to call it quits even my mom told me to kill my self i m not sure what i m waiting for | 1 |
hey my name luis and i ve lived a very hard life on march 0 0 my friend kidnapped me they tortured me they sexually assaulted me they beat me up they lighted my skin on fire and they shaved my hair and eyebrow off i thought my life couldn t get any worse after that traumatic experience but it actually did i ve been bashed i ve been portrayed my window have been smashed my property ha been stolen my mother car window have been smashed and i get made fun by people for being gay i wan na jump off and die | 1 |
can someone help me out and give me the most effective way to just get lost money is not a problem nor making a mess | 1 |
i m a stupid little bitch with a raging coke addiction unemployed have been raped time i ll never amount to anything i grew up thinking i had a lot of potential everyone thought the same thing too but i m a loser i wa wrong and so wa everyone i m now figuring out a way i can finally do it i m done | 1 |
i constantly have suicidal thought even if i m doing ok it s like it s always in the back of my mind i have my dark day where it s all i can think about but it s still back there during the good day too i feel like i m strange for constantly thinking about it even if i m happy | 1 |
while i wait for my school counselor to give me an update on the whole online school therapy thing i wa convinced to check out a confidential free and text based crisis hotline it s apparently designed for teen like me who have noone in their life that they could talk to now for me personally my experience wa subpar i don t want to disrespect the volunteer work there but after the successful attempt one in the morning and one just hour earlier i felt like i wa just a number on a waiting list the system constantly kicked me out of the conversation and the one time i actually had a decent conversation it felt like they were trying to cast me aside a quick a possible a soon a i mentioned that music help me organize my thought at time they told me to just listen to music and the conversation closed immediately after maybe i m stupid or maybe it s just my anxiety and paranoia but they seemed annoyed i guess it would help to say what i wa expecting i wa thinking it would be a deep dive into why i feel the way i do but it wa more just a short session of giving me a metaphorical ice pack and sending me home with an old stale lollipop if i didn t feel worthless enough already then well a for the nd successful attempt it wa even shorter they asked me how i wa feeling they asked a question to confirm what i said i answered and then the very next message wa telling me that i must ve stepped away and that the conversation had been closed the automated reply also hit me with a stinger saying you matter it doesn t feel like it it doesn t help that i had to reply stop over and over because i kept getting auto reply from the bot needle to say i have le faith that online school therapy will even put a dent in how i feel tldr seeking help a many advise when situation like these crop up hasn t worked this time around and my already weak ability to see a good future for myself ha withered away a bit more | 1 |
i am gon na make sure i m dead by tomorrow morning every woman is disgusted by my horrendous face and would rather die than speak to someone who look like me time to die | 1 |
this person know everything that s going on in my life i ve been trying not to drink much recently been a couple month now i went from downing a pack a night to nothing i quit nicotine at the same time i m in so much mental and physical pain it s unbearable i told her i want to drink i can t take life anymore she told me i can t i made a joke i said i should get a pas because i want to die idk why that s funny i find it hilarious if those are really the only two option maybe i should just go back to drinking every night i can either be numb or dead both sound real nice right about now i hope she s not on reddit that would be awkward | 1 |
i m gon na go through with it this time just got ta graduate and at least get this stupid degree first | 1 |
is my life over i m m i ve never really had many friend and have lonely and depressed for pretty much all my life my family situation ha always been kinda fked up too however my senior year of h i finally got a group that went to hoco with me and i ve talked to them and played video game with granted they weren t a close a friend could be but i still loved them man they also are friend with a big group of girl so recently tik tok comment from month ago and a verbal comment from month ago were brought up upon my investigation i couldn t find any proof of that verbal comment heck i don t even remember saying it so it ha to be false or blown up from something much more minute i do remember saying these girl made my only friend in the world drop me and have ruined my reputation i keep thinking suicidal thought wishing i had a gun to end it but then i remember my family and life i have i wa so excited to start college too but now they re trying to talking to school admin about this they have 0 proof so i don t think much will happen but i m so lonely now and want to kill myself it s all i can think about i wanted to go to prom with them to a senior summer trip with them but now it s all over man i wish i had a gun and could end it without hurting my family | 1 |
i had more hopeful talk with friend and family i can t see all tryied to convince me it get better but at the end of the night i cry myself to sleep alone wishing i had cut just a little bit deeper the first time i don t care if it get better anymore i don t care if i never speak to anyone again i just want this to stop i hate this just believe shit | 1 |
it happened this morning we were both good friend we had many similar interest we rocked out and jammed to metallica a x and other metal band however we both lead different life i wa currently studying and he wa a dropout i grew busy with my internship and i did not talk to him a much i know he contemplated suicide before but that wa a while ago and i assumed he wa okay until today i feel like i have let him down i should have talked to him more often we were even planning to hang out soon i m at a lost for word i want to cry and let everything out but i can t i just can t i m tired of everything just a few month ago my family member attempted suicide because of my mother s infidelity i m not even sad no more i m just sick and tired | 1 |
when i wa i sa d a girl in her sleep why i don t know i feel like shit every day because of it it genuinely make me feel like shit when i think about it i just don t wan na live anymore i ve made so many drastic mistake that i don t see the point in life now the sa story ha gotten around school i know and understand i did this to myself but i can t help but feel like shit i really just want to go back and get my old life back but no one belief me when i say i m sorry or i feel like shit because of it i feel remorseful but there s no way to convey that | 1 |
my parent expect 90 and above and i failed after answering the paper i told them it wa easy even though it wasn t a i dint want a scolding then now it worse and they expect good mark i got above 0 0 only in subject out of 0 idk what to do anymore | 1 |
i don t really know what to do anymore like for almost 0 year i ve always been sad mostly because of my own inabilites yes i m talentless and below average intelligence then we kinda move here in a rural area ran into financial trouble which lead to me having chronic depression where every waking moment i feel so frustrated and anxious of my situation i wa socially isolated in school and wa looked at like a failure at home i managed to get by for the next year after that even i don t know why now i kinda get a silent anxiety attack now and then even on the slightest thing my mental health is on the brink of just breaking i can t take that anymore please suggest a way to end myself in a rather non violent manner i think it s my time to move on from our cruel world | 1 |
i wa a good kid class president one of those pesky mormon missionary after highschool on scholarship etc then at i snapped and went to prison for ten year i vowed to overcome it got out finished college and married le than five short year of being free i threw it all away and went back for another year on a parole violation finding out that week that my poor unsuspecting wife wa pregnant with our only child i struggled through five more year of incarceration dragging my entire family through the nightmare that is the criminal justice system again while my now ex wife struggled to have our baby and support herself i ve been free again for under two year i ll never have a good job i see my son for two brief hour a month and he barely know my name my family who wa heavily involved in his life while i wa incarcerated is now prevented from seeing him or even knowing about him for my ex everything i have is because of the charity of others and i ve earned nothing on my own other than disdain the direction my life took wa unexpected to everybody i wa expected to be so successful but here i sit year old with no hope of a meaningful life 0 year gone in the blink of an eye hell a a felon many people would just prefer i wa dead anyway to look at me you would never know that all of this is in my past the only friend i have are people i ve met online who don t even know my real name a all of my old friend have long since moved on with their life i would have ended it all already and in fact tried while incarcerated but i m just too damn scared at the heart of all of it i m just a coward | 1 |
hello i am year old and a senior in high school i also have adhd and autism i have been suicidal twice before th th grade and 0th grade but this is possibly the worst it s been the disaster started back in september when i got diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called nf everything i have heard about this disorder from doctor and online sound fucking horrible and nothing i want to live with then in october i met my first girlfriend so i wa happy for a bit but if course that went south too i ll just get right to the point when the relationship started i made clear to her that i didn t want sex and she agreed however later that same month she talked me into it in november december she asked for it multiple time a day and guilt tripped me when i said no she made me feel horrible when she did this then in january i wa saying no repeatedly and she just pulled my pant down and started riding me even though i wa trying to push her off and safe wording i broke up with her in february but there s been drama and social bullshit ever sense in addition recently i got in an apartment fire for the second time in my life this caused me to lose all my belonging they are allegedly being cleaned but it s taking for fucking ever this mean i don t have many of my coping mechanism which is only adding to the stress we had to stay at a hotel for a few night and now we re in a new apartment but it s not the same but that s not all my shitty life ha to offer in addition i have medical debt i also tried calling the suicide hotline the other day and the lady on the phone said what do you want me to do about it and later she hung up on me even aside from all the stuff i mentioned there s several more recent incident i m just to emotional to type it all up now i honestly don t know what to do i keep thinking that thing will get better soon but the only get worse | 1 |
i graduated not too long ago have work experience and can t find a job for a long while now i want to scream everyday i see no end to this and my entire life ha been a testament to how useless and garbage i am i just don t want to exist anymore | 1 |
i f attempted to take my life five day ago it wa my second serious attempt i took a couple of pill and alchohol and walked out on my ledge living on the fifteenth floor made it so much more easier i spent all night out there on call w a friend who managed to keeo me safe till i passed out my dad wa woken up at am by another friend of mine who tried entering my apartment and they pulled my back into my room unconscious my parent haven t spoken to me about it theyve nailed my window shut and don t let me stay alone in my room i m getting a new psychiatrist i m not allowed out or allowed to hang w my friend after school they also didn t let me skip school this whole week even though im still not fully recovered i feel like a prisoner in my own house i get why they re doing it but they way they ve gone about it only make it worse to make matter worse it drove most of my friend away a discord server that i considered my main support group won t let me back in unless i get better most of my irl friend decided to give up on me they told me they re done trying to help someone who doesn t wan na be helped i feel like i have nothing good left in my life and i m forced to live only cause my parent want me to everyone know about my attempt at school and they don t seem to care either they just look at me like i m crazy and many of my classmate barely talk to me anymore i ve already been treated bad because of my selfharm scar and rumour about my sex life and alchoholism i m forced to be sober i m grounded and have no privacy or freedom no safe place no one i can fully trust and i m still expected to be a fully functional person and do well at school by my parent i don t know what to do anymore i feel hopeless and alone and just want it to end | 1 |
i m so tired of trying and i know i m not even trying that hard anymore i used to be more enthusiastic and put more effort in but now even if the smallest thing go wrong i give up i just don t have the strength to try anymore my self hatred ha been getting worse nothing i do is good enough i am continually disrespected by the people in my life i just don t see the point if i have to continue to struggle like this i never asked to be born so why do i have to continue suffering through life i just want to lay down and wither away i have no value anyway i m not convinced that i can continue to do this anymore | 1 |
please just end it please ive tried od ing ive tried slitting my wrist i cant do it right just someone tell me the fastest and least painful way | 1 |
a strange calm came over me tonight and i realised this is what i have to everything hurt every single thing i find everything so hard i m making this post just incase my daughter ever find it i do love you so much i m sorry i couldn t help you and be the mother you deserved i m so sorry bird | 1 |
i just don t know how much longer i can do this life is too much | 1 |
legit i am yet i wan na end it bad parent not my other one tho there good friend don t even care and only talk to me if i talk to them yeah and i m trans i didn t ask to be born male did i fuck it | 1 |
i am on the verge of going absolutely insane i can not take being alive anymore i am a prisoner in my own life i feel dead and so alive at the same everyone in my city at my age is either weird rude or awkward modern human are weak impulsive and oblivious i hate my generation and i hate how the internet ha ruined my life and so many others around me i feel like i am living in hell and i want to die nobody is at my level nobody understands how hard i try every person alive is a weak worm that deserves to die | 1 |
i wa supposed to stab myself in the heart in the desert in joshua tree in november 0 i thought i wa ready i decided not to because i realized i d probably have to stab myself more than one time and i knew i couldn t mentally handle that i felt depressed enough to stab myself but not psychotic enough to keep going especially after physical shock also part of me wanted to see if i could fix thing and it wa like i went on a mission with myself to see if life wa worth it if my life is worth living the answer is no it s definitely no i want out i want off this fucking ride i wish thing were different but they aren t i even went to the fucking hospital voluntarily for help since my last post here absolute hellhole i don t even have word for you about what happened darkest week of my life people are sick i m so much worse i can t explain what s happened it s not like gunnhild from viking but i m at the marina and someone abandoned their bonfire left it all for me i tried to give an older woman passing by the last of my cash cause she wa picking up recyclables she refused and wa sweet she said to not sit here at night she wa concerned that i m young and there s crazy people out here no offense but i m the crazy person ma am sweet lady i had asked god for a sign i got a fucking sign i told god or the universe or whatever that to commit suicide i needed to be pushed and i got just that tenfold i m proud of myself for pushing a hard a i did for lasting this long i don t need to prove to other people i fought i know i did and i can rest better knowing i kept that promise to myself i wish i had seen more of the world and visited more city but i ve had my fill of humanity i can t do it anymore i hate the way people treat each other how much bullshit is always involved i m tired worn out no amount of sleep or rest touch this kind of tired hell is hell i hope my next life is gentler i hope the tide are kinder i hope i receive love i never have to defend myself from i give myself peace now because i can not find it here my life is obligated to no one amp nothing else im truly sorry signing off from one depressed person to whoever read this what happened to me mattered finally good luck asshole | 1 |
i m not even gon na use an alt for all this shit any more this account probably won t be active from now on i guess it s time to delete everything and sort thing out one final time i m tired i m done i don t know if anyone will see this and i honestly don t care i mean if you are reading this then it s just a waste of time just like me i ll never change no matter what happens sorry apparently it didn t take me too long to fuck up a new friendship not surprised i really did want to join and play game and all that shit and try to talk to others make friend and help but i can t be bothered and i don t try that should be obvious i m a lazy little shit with no motivation to make thing better i usually just laugh in text even if i m not actually laughing to make the situation lighter or something idk yeah i m a mean person you should hate me you should just leave me alone that ll be better for everyone i m actually surprised it lasted this long i didn t really come her to rant i don t know why i exactly came here or why i typed this one of the many problem i just wan na say ig gon na leave the majority of depressing stuff out i really hope you don t see this i ll just leave at the end of this week when i m done preparing i ll let you know exactly when i m leaving in a subtle way a to not make you sad again ahahh i ve tried not a lot i can t remember the exact number they obviously didn t work out and i never got caught pathetic right sorry but i m gon na make sure it work this time around no matter what that wa my last try at friendship or anything else a a matter of fact i guess i m just not suited for this stuff and life my personality is absolutely shit i wish i didn t get attached for useless reason and then not try at all i made you feel like hell i m absolutely shit i know i am everything you said is correct i read every last bit live well have fun byebye | 1 |
i know a lot of people are like you ll get over him over time and shit like that but he wa the best thing to have happened to me at this point it s not even love it s way more than that i put him up on a pedestal and admired him he made me so happy i m not close with any of my friend or family but with him i wa the most comfortable my world revolved around him because he deserves the world and more the way he helped me when i wa at my worst made me feel so appreciated i can go on and on hour and hour year and year talking about the love i have for him but no word can fully express it but of course he left me and it s all my fault he told me he didn t see himself being happy in the long run due to how high maintenance i wa that broke me in just a second my whole world is gone and it s all my fault i just wish i could reverse time and change the way i acted the only thing stopping me from committing suicide is the fact that we can still get back together but i just feel so hopeless right now i have had hopeless and suicidal thought before but he always wa by my side and helped me through it all now without him i basically have nothing all i want right now is him i ll give up anything for him i ll give up my phone all my money my academic achievement even my body part for him he is all i want and all i see and it s killing me and i feel so fucking selfish for that he said he wouldn t be happy with me in the long run and here i am begging for him back i m so mad at myself for making him feel unhappy yet still wanting to be with him he deserves more than me but i still want him i can t live without him and i can t live with myself i just want to talk to someone who went through is going through the same experience a me i feel stupid for putting my whole world into someone s hand but it felt like they deserved my whole world i feel so alone | 1 |
why am i still alive i havent done anything with my life other than eat and leech of my parent and im already why am i still here | 1 |
this way the people clearing out this flat will have le work i dont want to cause more work than nessecary | 1 |
the only thing that s keeping me from ending it all is because it would upset my family i seriously don t know what to do i lack ambition and that lack of ambition go too well with my lazy habit i m stuck taking care of my diabetic mother that doesn t really leave much for a social life my sibling have their own life with their partner my dad is off with his secret family or something i ve deleted my fb account year ago because i wa sick of seeing every one of my h friend being better off but i think i just isolated myself further and ended up worse for it i feel lately like i m just gon na snap i end up cry at night and i don t remember why afterwards trying out new thing is a bit limited with budget and me being ashamed of leeching off my sibling dropped out of college twice since 0 0 | 1 |
this doesnt feel real anymore i dont feel like myself everything is the absolute worst it can be and it just doesnt feel right to be alive i feel like im in a coma or a dream and i ll just wake up when this is all over i just want that to happen a soon a possible | 1 |
i ve been wanting to kill myself for a while but i tried to be strong and i kept fighting it i kept looking for a calling something to give my life meaning and everytime i think i got it it s just ripped away and i m slapped by reality i m tired of it the longer i stay alive the more i just drain the energy from the people i love killing myself would hurt them emotionally for sure but logically it be the best thing for them no more worrying about the loser | 1 |
i ve been suicidal since th grade i ve never fit in any crowd and my mind subconsciously mirror people i m talking to because of trauma and now idk who tf i really am i don t remember 0 of my life even the bit and piece i remember are of abuse and trauma my mind is a terrible place and i can t escape it after fighting for year i m done i have no hope or fight left in me it suck cause i wa so close to have all i ever wanted a good research career someone who d love me a i am a fresh start in a new country but my parent fucked everything up they will never let me live my life peacefully and tbh i too don t really wan na fight anymore people always say i m strong but it s pathetic that i ve spent all my childhood teenage and adulthood trying and learning to be strong so i could withstand more abuse while others had fun had hobby learned new skill travelled loved and lived my strength just got me more scar and more trauma it s stupid really anyways all my life i fought for a way out now my dad just like that blocked it and i can t do much about it i m so furious at this world and my parent and everyone who bullied and abused me into killing myself they ve won a lot of time it s just another win for them and it ll give eternal freedom for me so i think no one got nothing to lose i m planning to kill myself after i made sure my death is gon na put all of my abusive family member into jail i m gon na collect evidence it might sound cruel but idgaf i just wanted to vent it out not seeking for advice | 1 |
would anyone rlly care if i killed myself | 1 |
i lost my ambition when i wa somewhat and now we re 0 going on failed everything don t know what to do or who to talk to i told myself in september that if i end up in the same position i wa in the year prior i d kill myself seeing a i wa unable to find some shred of purpose then time ha repeated itself and now i m obviously anxious about it but i don t know if i can find another purpose because of the backlash i would receive from my family for wasting their time i told myself thing would be different but they never changed even if i tried my best to change them so if this is my last post then it s my last post i chose reddit i just hope in the next life if there is one that god at least give me more willpower and or intelligence because i honestly can not traverse this planet in this meatbag | 1 |
i beginning to think more and more that i am not suited for this life thing i don t think i wa ever meant to find happiness peace in this lifetime i think i wa set up to fail from the start i want the deepest of connection while i wa born with the frailest of heart the slightest touch i bruise a little pressure and i bleed there s no way this is going to work there s only a buildup of crushed expectation a i stuff myself back into the darkness deeper each time i won t last much longer never in my life ha anyone needed or wanted me a much a i them and that hurt i cling to the smallest of gesture am i crazy to think i m thankful to have met you mean being appreciated human to human i just want a piece of that closeness everyone else seems to have i just don t want to be alone for once not to be other is that too much to ask for or do i not deserve it what s the point i m never going to feel fulfilled in this lifetime anyways | 1 |
im planning to do it myself in the future and im so fucking happy that you have the choice to end it all whenever you want i feel happy knowing this are the last couple of year and then every shitty thing is going to disappear and no my problem have no solution it not something it could be changed im just afraid about the pain it could cause me in the last minute but better get minute of pain than year of a shitty life | 1 |
got my loan i m officially 90k in debt now i can t die with a clean conscience dying would put all that debt on my wife i mean i have life insurance and if it happens to be an accident i think it double so financially she should be fine assuming i don t get fired first but now my mood is just shitty before i wa okay with dying now i feel just a much a burden alive than i do dead i wrote this before but there is a certain freedom in coming to term with death a calm malaise that feel good like everything and everyone doesn t matter | 1 |
i don t understand i got the dream girl and i m doing so good why do i still want to die why doe it still seem so appealing | 1 |
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