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i do not want to wake up tomorrow | 1 |
i spent a lot of today thinking about killing myself i made joke about it my friend laughed because i do it all the time but today i really did think about it i miss my ex i want to be happy again but i haven t been able to move past them and i m afraid that i never will if i can t be happy why should i even stay here | 1 |
i m not valued in my work at school at home i have never been valued to my friend while one of my closest friend thanks one of my other friend while i feel worthless nobody remembers my birthday no one care about my feeling in real life and i m always the one organizing almost every meet up if i were dead people would mourn for a day and forget about me because i dont matter if i did matter people would hire me more hang out with me and make an effort to be my friend im done with this crap i might do it tonight or tomorrow because this is too much for me i guess i m just god laughing stock | 1 |
i finally opened up to someone my mom and told her how bad my mental health had gotten and that i d purchased thing to go through with it her response i don t blame you and would understand if you do and walked out the fuck | 1 |
i shouldn t have been born my mother told me she didn t even want to have me amp that my dad raped her amp that s how she got pregnant with me if abortion had been acceptable then there would have been a chance i wa aborted amp never would have had to live such an awful life i have nothing going for me amp i m so mentally ill i ve had such a hard childhood amp my adult life is becoming even more painful all i do all day is complain because there s nothing good in my life amp yes i ve tried making it better my father wa never in my life amp even my mom wasn t i never had a chance it s just too difficult trying amp i don t want to be alive anymore | 1 |
i got drugged and had to be resuscitated a little over a week ago i ve been casually suicidal for a while now the sound of my friend cry while giving me cpr is burned into my head forever i dont know if i ever lost my pulse but i wa barely breathing until the emts got to me it s scary that this experience didnt change anything about me when i think about it i laugh not in a laugh to hide the pain kind of way but like i actually had to get chest compression to keep me alive from my best friend and that s just so ridiculous like of course that would happen to me of all people idk it s just weird to me that this traumatic a fuck experience didnt change a thing about my outlook on life | 1 |
i just need to get everything in order i guess i have some morphine and a noose in my bag idk just wanted to tell someone i wish they got me help when i wa young and begged for it i don t think i feel guilty or selfish about it it s just how it is spent year knowing this is probably how i d end up idk edit someone to talk to would be great if you re interested dm me | 1 |
nothing about this life is good school is shit i quit weed witch wa a dumbass idea everyone in my school suck most of the teacher suck i can t make or maintain friendship my family suck as nothing is good there is no light at the end of the tunnel i ve been waiting for the light my whole life and nothing ha happened all i ll ever be in life is at the bottom forced to live in misery the world is falling apart because precious generation are stupid a shit so even if i do have a future the world will be flooded and on fire there nothing to look forward to i live everyday on auto pilot so why even life anymore if people want me to live then i wouldn t get treated like shit by everyone around me and i wouldn t get treated like a number by my awful school it doesn t matter how many resource they give because they don t care if your not at the top then your just useless to them your just a number | 1 |
i wake up and do the same shit everyday at a job that s a coin flip where i have a decent day or not i m just tired from my childhood and how the fucking demon i have just never leave im just so tired and done and burnt man i never hurt or did anything to anyone the fuck are these card i wa dealt all my friend are moving on in life now and i m so fucking stuck i wa at work today and my coworker said oh your mom raised you so well i bet when my mom called me worthless just the previous night to my face i just wan na go this shit is donkey booty fart | 1 |
another hungry depressed day who knew living in a shelter wa so fucking expensive lol i now have 0 left to get by i just bought two gallon of water since the tap water is probably dangerous to drink though i m trying an experiment of boiling it first to get out whatever make it weird the last time i posted here i got a bunch of troll pretending to care and then cursing me out lol like imagine being suicidal don t need to i guess lol and then imagine being even more miserable than a suicidal person that you have to extract some kind of emotional feedback from them just to feel better about yourself lmao surprisingly i still pity them more i d rather want to be dead than be an asshole who cant find happiness unless they re causing others pain especially trolling reddits where people are actually seeking help lol the lack of dignity in it like damn my 0 0 ramen and i are poor af but there s still more dignity than those troll i never thought i d say that but here we are why is it that a soon a night time hit all the thought come rushing in this feel like when i wa a kid growing up abused i had given up hope i just got by every day but i wa a shell of the person i wa or could ve been i just floated through the day hoping it wouldn t suck worse i watched a ot of cartoon to escape feel something else other than depression and pain if you allow all the feeling in let yourself feel them what happens in my mind it all go numb but maybe now it just flow or maybe this is me giving up letting it all happen anyways who care i could die here and no one would know lol i wonder if the universe ha forgotten me forsaken me said you re on your own now kid good luck and i m just standing here smiling tear in my eye holding a fucking plant and small suitcase thinking cool that s cool hope i don t kill myself hope this doesn t kill me hope i remember the person i wa trying to become or wa at least she had hope and self love now i look in the mirror and think hope you don t fuck it up kid because i don t know i don t know what else to do i mean why do i expect myself to fuck it up because a little crappy voice in my head say you fuck everything up lol fuck that that s not even my voice it s theirs fucking little narc and sociopath who ever saw their kid turning into a narc and thought let s keep him and not get intervention lol i would yeet that kid out of my life and throw it into a psych ward a if life isn t hard enough there s the scum of the earth running around getting off on other s pain pathetic i m glad they all die alone and miserable i m glad they move through life miserably i m glad they have to work so fucking hard to be happy or experience something resembling happiness before their own action ruin it all i m glad there s still good people in the world y all ever look through human being bros it s chill restores some faith in humanity like at least it s not all shit lolll i don t think anyone see me not anymore i m just a number a victim to exploit a survivor to play with a body to mess with lol they re so fucking depressing these abuser at least i lived | 1 |
i m m turning in december and i can t help but feel like my time is quickly running out i ve never been so emotionally distant from my family a i ve had this year and it feel like i m a disappointment to everyone who ha actually cared about me at some point i actually had a sort of future ahead of me but it blew up in my fucking face when i had decided to write a joke essay to the high school i wanted to go to after my mom wouldn t even allow me to go if i wa even accepted the worst part is she doesn t even admit to doing that i don t know what to do anymore i ve always had the feeling of wanting to blow my fucking brain out but i ve never felt it a strong a this why is it that when it come to mental issue for men we are throughly ignored why are you upset why are you depressed you don t have a reason to be depressed you should talk to someone but who is actually listening i m sorry for anyone who actually read this but i ve been in such a terrible mindset the past odd hour i really just need guidance it feel awful to think that inevitably all my family will be gone and i ll be the only one to fend for myself in just a handful of year and somehow in any social circumstance i always end up being the butt end of the joke i don t want to keep doing this for 0 0 something year someone please talk me out of this state if it s even possible to those who read this entire thing i hope you re in a better state than i am | 1 |
sorry for any typo im typing on my small phone my mental health ha been doing a downwards spiral into hell i am seriously considering suicide plea someone talk to me | 1 |
living is hard every day i try to get up and do better for myself so i can prove to the people that call me an ultimate failure or warn other people that i m no good that i am good and i can be successful but what good is that if in my quiet moment which is a lot my brain eats my heart up sometimes i give into the thought other people have of me what if this what if that what if i wasn t here will this constant pain stop will this ache in my brain and heart disappear or will i be punished by the god i ve prayed to for peace of mind i m sorry for trauma dumping | 1 |
i think i have medical problem that will never go away and that if it wasn t for them i could be so much more than i am from personal reflection i m actually really happy with the progress i ve made with myself and in my life since a couple year ago but thing like my anxiety are horrible and if my life will always have it i d rather be dead than continue living not to mention i ve already done most of all my life ha to offer so what s left really amp x 00b i m sorry if this post sound pretentious but i can t find any other post that i can relate to so i ve put it here | 1 |
i ve come to the conclusion that i m always going to have to face racism and sexism constantly and that s an awful realisation it honestly make me want to die because why should i live in a world that s full of people who want to hurt me when i don t deserve it i have to work in order to live and unless i suddenly become wealthy and never have to take shit from racist manager then i m done my family life is awful i wa sa d by my sister boyfriend two summer ago and my family s response wa abysmal i went straight to my mum after it happened and called the sister that i love and trust dearly she told me that my mum said what doe she expect if she s staying in their house for free those word have never left me i hear them every time i look at my mum and i m still living with her i m too broke to find a place to live alone and no longer want to work because my racist manager bully me any chance she get everything is really overwhelming me i have 0 friend i used to be such a happy and bubbly person but now no one want to be around me i guess it show how conditional some of those friendship were right i reached out to a friend and told her that i wasn t doing well and neither is she unfortunately she cancelled on me twice and hasn t spoken to me since i feel like she doesn t like me anymore i truly wonder if anyone ever liked me i m naturally very extroverted but my anxiety and depression make me sheepish and untrusting of people i end up shutting down every friendship and i hate that about myself it s so fucking hard to stay afloat i no longer want to have kid with my bf because i don t want my kid to go through racism or me a a mother i realise that my depression and anxiety could be passed down to them but i could also ruin them with how unpredictable my emotion are i don t want them to go through what i went through emotionally honestly i do want to die i understand that there s part of my life i am grateful for but they could leave me at anytime i just want a reset button i don t like how my mind keep ruining everything for me i can t have nice thing | 1 |
i know my problem arent a bad and probably much le important and im probably dramatic for feeling this way but please | 1 |
it s like at certain time i die while awake mind go completely blank and nobody can wake me from my trance but eventually i come back once i m back i m flooded with emotion after emotion and it s exhausting then im just angry and sad followed by numb once again and cant focus i quit job often even though i need money because i can not function in this society sometimes i wish i could get on disability but everyone tell me im just making excuse and that it cant be a bad a i make it seem i m always wrong never is anything anyone el fault but fucking mine i swear someone could kill me and people will be like oh well you shouldn t have made him mad i ve never attempted suicide because i don t have the ball to actually murder myself i wish someone would do it for me though my whole life i ve never been good enough for anyone and now i m an unemployed year old man watching everyone thrive and be successful while i slowly rot away i used to be so intelligent and motivated not to mention happy a fuck now i physically can not bring myself to do anything that requires even the slightest amount of mental effort without being downright forced to i know this is a lot and probably none of it make sense i m just so fucking stupid and i figured this is a half decent place to ramble because no one give a shit anyway the only thing that give me hope that my life can one day be something great is music i am a very talented rapper with no recognition but not like these regular as people i innovate and i approach the rap game with the respect she deserves i carve my word onto the page with precision and passion because a of the past decade no exaggeration hip hop ha been the savior of my existence | 1 |
people say they want my life i don t understand why from the outside i guess having no job and endless time to do thing is great to some people im housebound severe agoraphobia panic attack every time i leave the house severe paranoia about the outside world that i can t overcome i have a great partner and a great housemate who care for me deeply yet im suicidal i just don t know how to live anymore it s like i feel like one of those extra puzzle piece you sometimes get that doesn t fit anywhere and is effectively useless my role is nowhere i can t work or leave the house i have barely any hobby none that interest me for too long anyway all i do is clean organise thing play game watch stuff and browse my phone all day every day my partner love me and i love them spending time with them is the only happiness i get but then i feel guilty because i know eventually ill break their heart because im not going to live much longer i overdosed on morphine in november couple more spoonful and i wouldn t be here anymore i didn t even write a note thing were that bad that i just did it without thinking no more morphine in my possession sadly i fucked up one of the best friendship ive ever had i really screwed it up i miss her every day i check on her instagram story periodically to see if she is doing okay and she is proof life go on without me me and my partner joke that i can t kill myself because i promised that id live to see elder scroll come out just to spite todd howard i don t think i can hold on to living for that long sometimes i think about that saying it get better when ive suffered with depression for nearly 0 year been sexually abused by my ex partner diagnosed with ptsd diagnosed with bpd developed agoraphobia cast out of every job ive had had people threaten to destroy my life over petty drama the list go on and on everyone say all of this stuff is temporary but it add up and it culminates into this you can t see me but im a shrivelled husk of a person my therapist who i started to get on with discharged me a week after my overdose because im too high risk that wa pretty funny what exactly is left for me to see in the world there s beautiful sight great place sure but im not rich haven t travelled out of country for nearly year my agoraphobia is getting worse there s nothing for me out there i had a plan to correct my mistake with overdosing and make sure it succeeds on new year eve because i couldn t stand the thought of being here for another year my partner dragged me through it and i ruined his night suicide is appealing because i don t want to suffer anymore what doe stop me is my partner and the friend i chose to keep i know they d be upset but plan and idea for suicide still flood my brain and i know one day ill be free of all of this pain it doesn t get better it get so much worse day after day ramble ramble | 1 |
m three year ago i broke both bone in my right arm and needed surgery they screwed in a metal plate between both bone to keep everything together well yesterday i fell during gym class braced myself for the fall and ended up fracturing my ulnar went in to the doctor and got an x ray that showed the fracture wa right on one of the screw now i have to see the surgeon from year ago to see what he say what do i do im so done with this mess i can t take it much longer i really want to km | 1 |
i hate so much of my life i love being at school with my friend but i have to come home every fucking day i have to wake up to these fucking asshole everyday my older brother is fucking insane on good day he is simply the most annoying little shit that won t shut the fuck up and stop talking to me on bad day he just argues and scream and throw thing and take out his anger out on whoever is closest mostly me bc we share a room my perants are nice but my dad transphobic and i want to tell him that i want to transition but i m afraid he wont see me the same or love me my younger sister is the only thing keeping me here i love her she s so understanding and sweet i don t want to hurt her by dying but i can t stand living anymore | 1 |
i m done i m tired of fighting i want to rest now | 1 |
i know i m just a burden to everyone around me i hate myself people have told me i m mean after i m really fucking trying to be a good person every partner i ve had i ve hurt at least once the worst part is that i am not doing this consciously i m just naturally an asshole i thought i needed therapy i have it i thought i needed a new job i have it maybe pill done then i wa convinced it wa smoking too much weed so i ve quit for a month now started exercising eating better i have my own house and cat and literally nothing help it only make it worse because i have le and le of an excuse to be a burden to those around me if i kill myself i can leave everyone all my possession and spare them the pain and burden i d cause them in the future i have a plan so no one will have to see my body but the cop and literally everyone would be better off why the fuck should i not do it | 1 |
i have two younger brother and they mean everything to me they ve come to an age where they can take care of themselves my excuse for not hurting myself wa them but now they started to grow distant and honestly every single piece of my life ha fallen apart even my mind feel torn a i realized i m becoming crazy i m having lot of harmful thought towards others i really don t want to harm anyone and i rather end my life before i do any harm but i don t want my suicide to make my brother fall into depression a i did i have 0 motif to be alive i do not like this world i do not like most of it s people everyone betrayed me and there s no one that give a shit about me anymore besides my brother i feel like i really have to do it i know i have to i just lack the ball this might be the cruelest thing to say in this reddit but i admire the courage of those that did suicide it s not easy and it s not the coward way the coward way is probably to keep living a i am this ha to stop | 1 |
my last day i will pick a sunny day wake up and put on some of my best summer attire go get food from a good restaurant i would like a good last meal to be honest then i will go and xplore some place i have become fond of and reminisce of the few n far between happy day of my childhood and other time i might add to this later if i can find stuff i think is worth doing then for the night i have a nice bottle of whisky and some benzos i plan on consuming whilst listen to my favourite music i will try to enjoy a much time a possible between then and now i have a rope that is ready noosed and just need hooked up to a nice tree i have already sadly picked out one that is high enough but easy to climb then whilst i listen to music feeling chill and tranquil a the pill start to take effect i will sit in said tree with noose around my neck phone emergency service tell them where my body will be located then i will fall and asphyxiate myself in to the abyss i look forward to that day sorry for rambling i am terrible and language in general wish you all peace because i will find mine eventually | 1 |
i have a couple friend but the girl i love doesn t love me back any more i think she might be seeing someone else i want to kill myself | 1 |
i just don t know how to | 1 |
how do i make it in life when i know everything i literally know everything when it come to human nature you see i m a very observant person and i dislike human but i m a human and have human nature in me so wtf do i do guy who are taller with bigger dick get the girl while you re just here with nothing you see i want to not give a fuck about chick but what do i do you see i m with inch i m so insecure that i injured my dick jelqing wa and now but plz don t try you probably get hurt i m still little hurt but it doesn t bother me luckily i m healed not fully but it s doesn t bother me much just a slight feeling that you learn to ignore you see what i mean i m fucked up i see everything i ve been in many people shoe the best basketball player the tallest in school and when i wa younger short and chubby with nobody liking me but i feel a though i m still not enough because they re guy with more than me and since girl only like me because i m with inch she s gon na like the guy 9 with 9inches more than me then the guy foot with 0 inch all i m saying is life fucking suck as it all off of appearance you see i m good looking you might say well don t you have a girl friend that s the problem i can t even find a girl i could have in the past and i should have but i wa too fucking stupid to take advantage of life when you re too busy thinking of all the bullshit in the world and how everybody is fake i feel a though people only like me for certain thing and since they re people in the world who have more than me i will never be able to win this race it s like everything is off of appearance you can t choose what you re born like you can t choose your family you can t choose anything physical appearance in life it s like a video game we all player and are selected random character you try to detach yourself a a human being but you d ant escape human instinct i ve tried and keep trying why can t i ever come to a point where vagina doesn t matter money or competing i used to be real and tell myself that all the time when i wa younger but a you grow older and see the truth of this reality it s a very sad one it s like when you get told santa wasn t real except it s with life everything you thought a a youngin turnt out to not be what it seemed it s like i m a alien observing everyone s else action and re action wa a good kid but all the sudden i grow older and a demon is in me porn is partially start of my demon then social medium is also traumatic everybody is dirt is this game we call life shittiest virtual reality ever i m just tired of competing but when i dont complete they laugh like i m a bum and lazy how can i try when i dont wan na play this ficking game | 1 |
snapchat layla kuz | 1 |
my gf ha several psychiatric condition including bpd ptsd and others and ultimately she say that she hate me and everyone around her for neglecting her and not helping this isn t entirely false a i have a few thing i m working on for myself but she undoubtedly ha it much worse she s been staying with me but primarily life with her parent a she can t be without her childhood home i m worried that me being around her is just making u co dependent or that my lack of real experience in psychology is making thing worse how do i know when i really am just making the situation worse by staying i am trying to improve and be a better support system for her but i m not improving fast enough problem is i m worried that if i leave her then she ll certainly have no real support even from her parent i realize it might be subjective but what are some thing to look out for | 1 |
i dont even know were to start i hope this reach the right people ive been suicidal all my life with shit ton trauma built on to it and a recent sa ive just been good at hiding it i feel a i dont have anyone to talk to about how i feel or have someone truly love and care for me rhe way i need it i need someone to hold me at night and tell me everything is gon na be okay i need reassurance constantly i need to be able to talk to someone and feel like they are listening giving advice or what they can do ive felt that if i die tomorrow it is what it is i didn t even think i d make it to 9 yr im gon na be 0 in month and god if i make it i d be shocked | 1 |
i have come to the conclusion that i am just not suited for life no matter how hard i try i don t seem to be able to accomplish anything meaningful or be able to derive joy out of anything i wa given nice parent and a privileged upbringing but the extreme depression that rule my life is overwhelming and i really can not take it anymore i have an easy life and i still can t manage to get it right i started to feel worthless ever since i wa a teenager i had a hard fitting in with group of people i felt extremely shy and i saw that my best friend at the time could effortlessly blend in and have many friend it completely baffled me and it wa the first time that i started telling myself over and over i am not pretty i have no talent i am not smart i am worthless year old me cried myself to sleep convinced that people just simply didn t like me i could never quite figure out what wa defective in me everywhere i went i felt extremely awkward and felt in high school i started to feel immense academic pressure i saw that my classmate were very high achieving i didn t even want to think about my future and i spent much of my time last minute studying and playing video game instead of planning anything for my future i ended up not getting into college that i wanted to while my friend and classmate were accepted i accepted that i wa a failure compared to everyone in my high school a socially awkward talentless ugly failure i went to university i am now doing a master with an internship i graduated with summa cum laude for my undergraduate i wa still constantly cry and contemplating the worth of my pathetic life still i wa able to appear smart in front of my classmate i took up a research internship a well where i wa again told that i wa smart and had a lot of potential and other b but aside from school i didn t have much of a life any friend i made in uni have long been lost because people don t like being around a depressed person i wa made out to be toxic so that alone should tell you enough how awful it is to be around me i went to therapy it didn t do much i took medication it doesn t do much i have now entered my master program and i am being told by my supervisor that she ha serious doubt a to whether i will pas everyone else is enjoying their time in their study while i have to struggle so hard just to be told that i m not even good enough to get a passing grade i also struggle extremely badly with body dysmorphic disorder i have a pear shaped body no matter how much i exercise my leg just stay very bulky and thick i lost a lot of weight in my last year of my undergraduate study it wa partly because i hated my body but above all it wa because i hated my life so much that i wanted to make it visible by appearing sickly thin i continued to lose weight until i wa underweight only then do my leg appear normal i continued to follow disgusting anorexic eating pattern during my study it wa so damn hard to study while having to be pre occupied with food and having to only eat calorie in order to not gain weight somehow i passed all my damn exam after this year i admitted to my parent that i had an eating disorder although at this point it wa kind of evident i went home to take a gap year for the sake of my mental health during my gap year i sought professional treatment and of course i gained a ton of weight i wa so sick of living with severe depression and anorexia it wa near traumatic to see my body change so much in a short amount of time i felt extremely defective for gaining so much weight i can t believe my parent thought it would be a good idea for me to recover at home instead of at a ed treatment center because my emotional volatility were simply insane but i became physically healthy and i wa eating lot of good food i even got a part time job during my gap year to convince myself that i wa at least semi functional unfortunately a is the case with my pear shaped body living at a normal weight entail lot and lot of misery i can never wear skinny jean because my leg are ugly i can t stand the cellulite and belly fat that accompanies my healthy body i wa handed bad genetics in term of body build my body alone take away my will to live after my gap year i continued onto my master i started to lose some weight just because i slept through some snack and meal from fatigue and then i knew that i could never gain that weight back i started to take up lot of exercising to create more room for extra food the vast majority of my classmate are thin people being bigger than everyone is extremely triggering for me everyday i wake up and think about what i m going to eat then i think about how big my leg are then i think about how much thinner and smarter and classmate are then i see all the thin people around me then i think about what i m going to eat next then i think about how i m going to fit a jog or a boxing class into my busy schedule then maybe i will think about school and such then i go to sleep and repeat it all again i even lost my damn period again it s maddening because i am not even a thin person and yet my body think that being slightly thinner mean that i m necessarily dying i have such a dumb body now here i am doing an internship for school and i am failing very badly it s not in my native language and i haven t known the language for very long so it cost me twice the cognitive energy to follow everything apparently taking exam go smoothly but the minute i have to be in a practical setting i turn into a complete idiot i don t have the extra energy to put in the effort because most of my dumb thought are just my leg are fat her leg are thin she is lucky i have to worry about weight lunch is when jogging when extra squat when what s for dinner etc now i m constantly being told that i m not performing well and they can t tell if it s because of a language barrier or if i genuinely don t understand what is going on everyone else is doing just fine and they say that you have to be pretty stupid to fail at this internship well guess who s going to be that idiot who can t pas looking back at my life i just see failure and mediocracy and just a lot of sadness a i said earlier my body alone take away my will to live but in order to be able to function in school and work you need to stay relatively healthy but seeing a my life is just filled with social isolation inferiority complex and still lot of depression there is just simply no way that my life is worth it living in this healthy body make me extremely sad and the life that i would otherwise have without an ed is just not worth it it doesn t justify the effort i put into recovery and the effort i put in with learning to accept my body seeing a my life is just consisting of studying feeling stupid feeling incompetent cry exercising restrictive eating hunger fatigue and more cry i just wonder how the hell everyone else is just out here living a normal life without any mental illness people like my classmate are really out here acing their exam acing their internship having a life having lot of friend having a relationship having fun and leading overall fulfilling life i don t understand it all i know is that my life wa just one big mistake i just really need a good plan on how to end myself i find it disappointing how finding a simple method with a high success rate just isn t very easy i have four more week in my internship i just plan to go through it get an insufficient grade and then end it all but ugh mom and dad would be so sad it s already bad enough that i tell them that i hate living and wish that i could disappear they try so hard to convince me that i m smart and can accomplish anything i want like i m in a disney movie they constantly try to convince me that i will find happiness in my life and that i m just in a low state of my life and that they will always be there and try to find further help for me but i m i ve been feeling this way for over a decade damn near half my dumb existence i feel like my soul died the minute i hit puberty i didn t experience anything traumatic i wa just dealt a bad hand in genetics i m freaking exhausted nothing would be better than closing my eye and never waking up again | 1 |
people say that god only test u not more than we can handle but it is a bunch of lie perhaps he doesn t exist at least in my heart no matter what i do i always fails at everything even trying to die seems hard enough i can t just live happily like it is wrong and worse i tried to kill myself so many time that no matter what i always unknowingly and unintentionally cheated death at this point i ve just had enough | 1 |
in like hour lol i m a failure i m bad at everything and all i do is waste my parent money i cause them amount of stress they will be sad when i die but it will be for the better i can t keep watching them suffer because of me my brother is going to be super sad which make me sad but hopefully he can understand when he grows up i plan to jump from my terrace hopefully it s high enough there is grass below tho i hope that doesn t stop me from dying cause it will be real embarrassing if i don t die failed at everything including suicide have a great day to whoever read this edit guy thank you for your reply i decided to actually talk to my parent and sort everything out i will not be killing myself for the time being i really appreciate everyone here thank you may god bless all of you | 1 |
over the last year my life ha completely fallen apart i grew up happy a ever with a very well off family a brother i got along with friend i hung out with all the time then my baby sister died out of nowhere shortly after my parent said they were getting a divorce after having a loving caring family my entire life in the span of just a month everything flipped upside down i don t have a family outside of my mother and baby brother anymore and my mother ha robbed the house of peace by becoming fixated on an emotionally abusive boyfriend my entire life wa destroyed and it s only gotten worse year into the divorce my best friend died all of my other friend and friend group i wa in slowly just forgot about me due to depression and anxiety from everything i had going on making me become incredibly introverted and just not fun to be around anymore he wa the only person i had that i could talk to besides my girlfriend who i put through hell because of how much i hated myself and my situation and now he wa gone shortly after his death her and i broke up and i deserved it i wasn t abusive but i wasn t a good boyfriend i never wanted to go anywhere or do anything i stopped wanting sex and intimacy because i didn t think i deserved those thing the divorce ha only gotten worse over the year and after year of stress and anxiety being a constant my health ha now started to decline i ve lost my toned body i ve lost my nice smile i ve lost my sense of fashion i ve given up entirely on trying to form new relationship or make new friend because i know that i just don t have what it take to foster deep relationship anymore i ve seen a therapist about this and she said she belief it s because of my family and my best friend and that now my brain correlate love with loss which prevents me from getting attached to people or make me act in way to push others away before they can get attached to me with my health issue getting worse due to the constant stress i m now out of work on medical leave i sit in my room every day just watching youtube not talking to a single soul and no one talking to me i truly believe that my life ha reached a point where it just isn t worth living anymore besides my mother and baby brother i don t believe there is a single person that would even notice especially if i made it look like an accident with all the free time i now have i ve been reading a lot about spirituality and i ve stumbled across the plausibility of reincarnation the idea of death being the entry to a new life with life being a series of goal to fulfill a purpose from each life to the next it s been very difficult for me to try and think of any purpose my life ha at this point i m debilitatingly lonely i ve stopped caring about anything i ve become very cynical and i m letting thing that should be important to a person just waste away like just ceasing to pay my car bill because i no longer care if it get repossessed the idea of even the possibility of being able to start again since truly no one ha any idea what happens when you die is more appealing to me than continuing to live i m now and my life is going absolutely nowhere and i don t know what else to do i have no support system i have no one but myself and i hate myself more than anyone else the worst kind of lonely is when you aren t even there for yourself and that s where i m at now i ve always thought of myself a a great person i consistently go out of my way to help others even now if someone reach out to me for something i don t hesitate but i just can t get anyone to stick around not even my own father give a shit about me anymore i used to think the world wa just fucked up and bad thing happen to good people but it s becoming more and more evident a i witness the relationship other people have the family other people have the friend other people have that that theory just doesn t add up the more likely possibility is that i myself am the issue i m the problem and i ve come to that realization now the idea that death might not be the end but a new beginning is very appealing to me like to think ha anyone else thought about these concept ha anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and thought about what come after death and whether it s worth it just curious and looking for some input thank you | 1 |
when i tried to km the second time what stopped me wa a terror unlike anything i have felt before i ve been planning an overdose for a while now and just planning it out ha brought that feeling right back to me i feel butterfly in my stomach and my heart racing and i know if i were to grab my med crush them up and went to take them i wouldn t be able to fight this terror i ve been told before that that just mean that somewhere deep inside you you want to live but i disagree this feel like basic primal instinct it s so hard to just say do x and then all of your perception will end that s not something you can just do yet people have i want to do this but i don t know how to prepare for this terror i remember when i backed out of my second attempt i kept on saying to myself nothing can prepare you for that i can plan and prepare all i want but taking an action that self destructive is incredibly difficult especially when you have a realistic fear of not dying and being left severely injured i m terrified and i don t know what to do anymore it seems like the best option but it s so cruel that it just ha to be so difficult dying shouldn t be too much to ask for yet absolutely everything fight against you i hate this so incredibly much this is hell | 1 |
my parent are incredibly strict i literally can not do shit all the kid have a meal plan that they must follow or else cant have anything other than the bare minimum in our room no going out with friend or really even having friend in the first place no getting a job or having money for any reason constant room search last week my room wa searched while i wa at school and my dad found my journal where i wrote that i wa gay he outed me to my entire family my dad started blowing up about how i never tell him anything and how selfish i am for keeping it to myself all i ever am is selfish being suicidal selfish you re ruining my dinner i wish i could get a gun in this country so i could blow my brain out in front of them im so fucking done with everything | 1 |
they are not bad people though it my fault they ignore me school drive me crazy and i think ill never be really comfortable with the way life is i dont want to die but i really dont want to live | 1 |
why do i have to put up with this b i didn t ask for i ve been planning to kill myself for a long time and i think i ve reached my breaking point no one actually genuinely like me everyone pick on me but i m the sensitive one when i confront them it s always me i ve watched my older si have a nearly perfect life and helped her through all her struggle what did i do to deserve this wa i freaking hitler in a past life i can t cry anymore so i have no emotional outlet for my feeling everyone i ever talk to run away or blame me for my problem and i recently lost a very important friendship because i opened up to her i am just really tired of life and no one would miss me anyways i thought i wa strong but i guess i m not if you read this i appreciate it | 1 |
my biggest wish is for my family to allow me to end it all i want them to understand the pain and suffering i m going through the constant daily battle that make it so hard to live i want them to be prepared i just want to disappear from life and hurt the least amount of people | 1 |
i ve turned this into my blog took it over people depend on me to be alive to function to live yet i hate this planet and pedophile politics religion racism and rapist and they are all allowed to live amongst u why because this god people belive in is cruel in the story book he gave up his son for u yet who ha god to either way i would like to ask him before i go to hell or reborn in this earth to relive this life in a different form my favorite part of the day is when i lay my head down and hope not to wake up the worst part of my day is waking up | 1 |
what will happen if i take more than pill of acetaminophen at once | 1 |
we all know im too much of a pussy to kill myself but fucking hell i want to i want to jump off the bridge near my home being killed by someone would be even better sometimes i imagine myself sending people my goodbye message and killing myself out in the wood there s a tree i stare at every single time i pas it with a perfect horizontal branch this fucking close to buying a noose and just doing it and the worst part is if anyone who knew me irl read this they d think i m joking and that it s stupid but there is nothing i want more than death right now | 1 |
i am so unsatisfied with life no aspect of life is of any enjoyment to me the thought of getting a job working 9 every day of the week sleeping on the weekend because i m too tired slowly building up money to maybe have a vacation once a year for only a week and then going back into the grind continuing this a my body break down with age and eventually dying with nothing in my hand just sound like actual hell i have a girlfriend who want to marry me and have kid but i genuinely don t believe that i could give my kid or her a good life i doubt i could support a family financially because i have no money and can t afford a good education past high school i doubt i would be able to be a good father due to having to come home from a grind at work everyday too tired to play with them or properly parent and too tired on the weekend to do either why can t life be different i have no plan of suicide but holy fuck this world make me want to | 1 |
i never thought i would feel this way at this point i m in between two different stage of life and the stress of it is making me want to kill myself i m a senior in high school and life is so hard right now and i don t know if i m being dramatic ive been suicidal before but i don t think i am now just because i know i have a big turning point in front of me in the fall when i go to college which give me hope but i fear i m putting too much weight on this if i don t like college i am scared i will kill myself because it s all that s keeping me going i used to want to kill myself when i wa i know what it feel like but that s not what this is i just can t keep going it get s harder every day i still have two month until graduation and i am scared out of my mind it is so stressful to have so many duty every day school work college decision scholarship i have to pay 00 in car expense which is like two week paycheck thrown away it feel like i do so much just for the little ounce of freedom i get on one day of the weekend or for maybe an hour after school i can t keep going like this but i have to i feel like i m wasting such an important time in my life but i can t change it i want to end it just to avoid the pain of trekking through it because sometimes i can t even see myself waking up tomorrow and doing it all again i am so scared of disappointed everyone every time i let my mom down i just want to die so bad i feel so useless i can t control myself when i m given decision i can t make them i hate the thought that i have complete control over myself because it give the blame of who ive become extremely burnt out flaky to friend and work used to be extroverted but now im so quiet to me and me only | 1 |
i will be 0 then and most probably still lonely af what even is the point i make a shit ton of money at work have hobby but still can t find someone else to share the life with it s pointless what am i even struggling for much better to just fuckin off myself | 1 |
life in sc i have been struggling financially for year and faced homelessness on and off i can t do this anymore i m not mentally or emotionally stable at all i fucked up by quitting my last job week ago because i wa committed to ending my life since i had to pay a 00 bill for accidentally causing damage in my apartment luckily my partner who life faraway helped me out and covered it for me for the longest my life been going downhill i have no family to turn to because i m distant from most of them including my own mother because they re toxic or they would never pick up the phone at all my older sister is the only one i talk with but not really at all i have no friend at all the only people i really have is my partner and my older sister sometimes and they ve been helping me through my situation i feel like a complete burden to them i temporarily lived at my cousin s house and experienced verbal physical abuse and destruction of my belonging from his wife then wa kicked out after a couple of month she kicked me out the house every other week because i wa short on my portion of the rent or out of pure pettiness i been homeless either out on the street park area or living in my car from time to time then i wa ultimately kicked out after she randomly decided she doesn t want to see me again even though i paid for my portion of the rent i did managed to get an apartment on short notice with the help of my partner but i had trouble paying for my bill i had different job and the pay wasn t good at all on top of that they were cutting my hour a lot i barely make it to paying my rent multiple time and i wa hit with a late fee every time i ve been attempting to kill myself many time because i m so tired and stressed out with this uphill battle nothing ever work out in my favor i can t do anything right at all i ve been going day without eating having water or electricity because i m way behind on bill and being broke barely have gas to get to the job i had i tried applying for different assistant program but i only get denied or never hear back from them same thing with applying for job online and in person either they re not hiring never called or i have to wait awhile i sold nude and foot pic before but i couldn t get client who s willing to pay i know some of my problem are because of my own irresponsibility i can never catch a break at all i just can t act get right no matter how hard i try i m always stuck | 1 |
i m so tired of existing i have to believe the lie people tell me if i want to be happier in this world that it s not all falling apart that trying hard will get me anything will reward me that people love me it s so much nonsense the only people in my life can t fucking stand me everyone else is at best mildly interested in me from afar and once they get to know me they want nothing more to do with me i m fucking useless and worthless and anyone who s ever told me otherwise want me to suffer what do they see in me i have achieved nothing i am nothing nothing but a corpse too stubborn to start rotting but fully entirely dead | 1 |
i have decided to just end my life i ve been dealing with the pain for too long weirdly enough i m not extremely upset but rather calm i m excited that i ll soon be able to die i don t even care about my life anymore and tbh it s great that i feel numb to it all i m not even cry about it i just want the pain to go away and now i ll be able to get rid of the pain i ve just been dealing with anxiety and depression i m ready to go heck it ll be cool to die on my birthday haha | 1 |
lying manipulating aunt taking advantage of my mom forcing my parent apart stealing money stealing clothes for year and counting i couldn t take it my school grade dropped covid hit couldn t muster up the courage to talk to friend had a drive through high school graduation barely graduated at all no uni plan working at a dollar store just floating on with no motivation or will my sister almost suicided but had the courage to talk about it i attempted more time than i can count but couldn t talk about it the closest to death wa when i wa bleeding so much from my neck i dyed the knife and clothes i wa wearing i tried talking about everything but the attempt but those that know stopped talking to me unless i try first wouldn t it be better if i off myself and get it over with it s not like it matter nothing doe another person will just grow up and fill my spot in society life doesn t matter all life is only equal cause it s equally worthless everything is worthless but the few friend that did help me would hurt but it s better to get it over with like a bandaid instead of make them watch me suffer nothing is going my way i m constantly cry myself to sleep i ve been called wise but it s just watered down suicidal thought coming up in normal conversation religion helped for a bit but it s just more rule on how to live i need help but i don t have the will to do anything i just need someone to comfort me i try hugging myself but it just reminds of how lonely i am every time i try reaching out it just end with a passive one word reply we haven t talked in so long how ve you been doing good just cut me off if you don t like talking to me quit playing these mind game and say it to my face i m seriously messed up am i messed up or is everyone else messed up but that s what s socially acceptable no matter how much i hate the world my mind always try to justify thing or see thing from they re point of view even if it s a blatantly bad thing are my friend bad or am i bad i don t know i just feel sad or numb but cover it with a smile so if i can make a difference in someone s life it s a positive one unlike mine i feel like such an attention seeker by talking about what i m going through maybe being anonymous like this is what s letting me write this it s am again so goodnight we ll see if it s the last time i say that or not | 1 |
i just want a hug right now i pissed my gf off and i just want to know that i m forgiven or at least told it s ok | 1 |
just a disclaimer but i love my parent and i love my family a lot i ve been super spoiled when i wa younger and i m glad i wa born in my family in no way is this vent ragging on them or supposed to highlight them a bad people idk what the main topic of this is just a vent bc i got my card like a week ago and i feel horrible i m planning on offing myself before the next school year start im planning on doing everything ive wanted and never done before then go out with a bang be useful for once in my life then leave while the satisfaction is still fresh and before i make another mistake truthfully in the past two year i ve tried multiple time but stopped at the very last second i m not struggling a bad a everyone else so why do i feel so miserable everyone else ha become better now so why not me i ve just gotten lazier and lazier and basically just lost all of my will to do anything right now i m a a child i wa pretty much one of those kid who were constantly pressured to be in first place join competition win in basically anything many time i wa pressured to do thing i didn t want and hand in hand with that i couldn t really do most of the thing i liked too an example of the thing i had to do wa public speaking and basically announcing stuff in front of a crowd i already had stage fright then but it ended up getting worse and became overall anxiety after i humiliated myself multiple time on stage forgetting what to say stuttering etc i knew many people who could do it better but no matter how much i disliked it i guess i had no choice after that my voice became quieter i became passive i didn t raise my hand unless i wa called everytime i wa in front of people i basically just shut down when i wa younger i wa a lot more extroverted the older i became the smaller my confidence fell when i reached th grade i became really paranoid and felt all my worth wa tied to being smart and even now i still can t break away from thinking that way basically my self esteem is now in the gutter maybe even in hell at this point but the difference is just that i don t really care anymore i constantly felt the need to be a role model felt that enjoying thing would make me le of one while the rest of my class bonded with each other went on outing etc i wa so stuck up that i never went with them i wa very rule abiding after all that wa the only thing i ve ever known i remember the first time i got second place my mom is a super nice person to be honest but that time she told me i wasn t trying hard enough really hurt me so much i also used to be a really moody child there wa a time i overhead my mom say that it would be my fault if she died from stress it proved even more to me that my only redeeming factor wa that my grade were high i had the personality of a dog turd i had no talent i wasnt social honestly i wa bad kid there s really no excuse i never got violent with people in fact my sibling were the one who bullied and teased me in a very mild way though just temper tantrum i just wish they sent me to therapy instead of constantly insulting me i didn t even know how to get better i didn t know how to control myself from being angry how could a year old understand that sort of thing i asked them how i could make it stop they told me to just stop being mad i don t know why it affected me so badly now but i feel like the stuff i subconciously learned back then i can t really unlearn that easy anymore even if i don t believe in them anymore i realize i ve never really had dream i wa just going to do what my mom wanted me to do i d get a job be rich and just work and exist i guess deep inside i knew i d never be good enough for that sort of thing i just engrained it in myself that im just an average person maybe even lower and that whenever someone say im smart theyre just giving me empty praise i wouldn t say that the thing that happened to me were extreme not at all but now here i am zero motivation to do anything at all useless and more of a burden than ever before i ve been failing for two year i can t keep up with anyone i don t understand the basic i m always distracted it been two year i still can t do a damn thing the only thing i can do is draw even then it take so much of my time that i can barely do it i have so many thing i want do and learn now but i guess school is in my way again this time i suck at it even harder im always distracted i cant muster any strength or will to study or answer question to make it worse i may have adhd but i dont want to self dx it just that since day people have constantly pointed out my carelessness my voice with an uncontrollable volume etc i cant wake up on alarm i cant follow routine i cant follow timer im really forgetful im distracted and i dont know how to make it stop it horrible i dont know if im just being lazy and trying to excuse it i dont know everytime my mom see my report card i can feel her disappointment i m scared of even looking at her face i dont know why shes trying so hard to keep me alive my parent fought because of me before my mom is already too tired i dont want her to waste any more of her energy on me there just no point before the pandemic i wa still functioning properly hell i even got into the honor list and there were only a few of u now i pas everything late play game all day and slack off incompletes failing grade all of that the first time i remember wanting to pas away to say the least wa when i wa in first grade it wa a weird memory i dont know what prompted me but i gave a paper to my friend and asked her if she d ever thought of dying i remember thinking id never grow past 0 when i wa younger it wa weird but i could never imagine myself a an adult maybe this wa why i thought it wa just that i d pas away because of bad health or some accident i never really cared ive been a burden since day one guess i still am i dont know why i wrote this i guess i just felt horrible thanks for reading i appreciate it sorry for the messiness i wrote along a i thought stuff | 1 |
let me start by saying i am in the same boat a all of you i wish i could help you all but i can t sadly about me when i wa 9 something clicked and i started to view the world a a negative place the realization of not being able to form genuine friendship my friend dying and my father not really being there for u this sent me into a depression which i am still in today i won t lie i think about suicide quite often but i control myself by distracting myself with other activity instead of letting the thought get to me all they are are thought and they have become a coping mechanism i have gone through a few therapist and psychiatrist too although i stopped my ssri and adhd med when i wa i then became quite angry knowing there is no escape the day blended together day after day rotting away i became angry with myself and others and became very angry at others and closed minded in no way am i telling you to do anything i wa in a funk this winter and a friend of mine happened to have a gel tab of lsd and i asked to buy it later that night i took it and hopped on discord with a good friend of mine who also ha some of the same stuff going on a me and ha done mushroom so we relate well it wa unexplained the most beautiful feeling i have ever felt to explain it for someone who hasn t done psychedelics it the feeling that you are part of a bigger picture and that every moment ha lead up to this you are loved i am you and you are me i am still having a hard time putting it into word i laughed the hardest i had ever laughed and then realized what life is and started to get in my feeling and cry i cried for a while and hard too and then i thought the situation wa funny and started laughing again because i know wherever i end up i will make it and that life is such a beautiful thing not to be wasted or taken for granted i then went on to trip more time on lsd and twice on mushroom i am not saying go do psychedelics but for me they have done more than ssri ever did for me in the course of a night the feeling of having a clear place in the universe and being able to question with such a reduced sense of fear is amazing the feeling of going with the flow and seeing where life take you is a liberating feeling we were put here to love one another not kill ourselves and waste potential here are my final thought do your research before doing any psychedelic because if you take ssri it could mess you up real bad also i truly believe psychedelics are the way of the way of the future i still have depression yet it is a lot easier to cope with and feel a sense of calmness instead of absolute terror about whatever you are facing know that whatever is bringing you down i love you and the universe doe too you were put here to serve a a part of a much bigger picture just a small piece of a puzzle learn to love yourselves and others and peace will come to you in all aspect of life | 1 |
idk why life is like this i put in so much time and hour into working and working and escaping from fcking situation venezuela economy is so destroyed that i left to per only to treated like a second class person and given a cold shoulder whenever i got into a job i didn t care i keep going and i got myself into collegue working hr day for month on fish i literally would go to class with my fishing boot because i wouldnt have time in my shift to chance and right now i m just sad the pandemic made me loss everything again i havent eaten anything in day i m short a 00 buck on rent i still havent graduated i have tried nobody want to hire an inmigrant nobody want to rent his apartment to an inmigrant even this place i m renting rn is more expensive for the mere fact that i wa not born here i just want rest some freedom not waking up and be uncertain if i m gon na have food that day or not i m feeling relaxed if i actually think about it my mom would be the only person sad about it which is the only reason i still havent done it i m literally right here with a blade on a hand just thinking about my mom and damn doe it hurt | 1 |
my plan to have my eternal rest is starting to de rail starting today it frustrating that it is starting to de rail this late in the plan however i guess nothing go according to the plan even my back up plan are starting to de rail too i just want to have my eternal rest but why is the world too unfair that i feel like it keep saying that i should suffer more than what i have experienced | 1 |
it s been over two year since i had a real suicidal drive and made a plan to kill myself it is coming back i file like at the drop of a hat the most important person in my life my great and sweet girlfriend might not care about me anymore she know she ha to go to therapy to manage her strong emotion and to sort out many thing inside of her but every time we re close to getting help she back down it s been really hard on me i feel really worthless i feel like the only way to help is to stop being a nuisance the feeling of dread and misery is returning and it s tough i know this is fucking stupid and minor anyone active here and reading this probably ha real problem and maybe i should go vent somewhere else but i m just scared that the thought are coming back that those scary dark thought are actually back in my head | 1 |
people in the past day have told me i m not doing enough i m not good enough i m trying my best if my best is causing me so much stress and pain what s the point of living i m nothing after all therapy doesn t help because i m far too socially anxious for it and i can t get medication because i can t go to therapy every reliever or thing that make me happy either doesn t anymore or i don t have time for i can t fucking doing it anymore | 1 |
put aside the weightless platitude that everyone say when someone mention suicide i want to know why me considering suicide a a genuine solution is so wrong why wouldn t i want a solution garunteed to work would you rather me live a long miserable life or have me logically decide that i ve had enough and have no more use here help me understand the logic what is so wrong about it this a question that ha continually plagued me so i would appreciate answer | 1 |
i ve thought of ending my life so many time but i never end up doing it i just wish there wa a peaceful purposeful way to go out that would be a benefit to others but i suppose life isn t that kind so the next best thing is to donate a body to science right or i hope so ive been thinking that it would benefit my mother with financial trouble she said i m just getting in the way so i think insurance should give her some money i think right now that s my only plausible solution but i just am too chicken | 1 |
recently me and my boyfriend had issue that have been accumulating come to a head for a week i wasn t sure if he wa going to leave because of them and for a week i tried to decide what i wa going to do if he did everything is fine now thankfully we talked and we re working on our issue the main one being that he need my help to open up emotionally so he doesn t bottle them up the reason his flight instinct kicked in and he almost broke it off wa because i had stopped checking in on him and thus he thought that meant i didn t want to know i know this sound odd but this is what he told me in actuality i did want to know we just got to the point that i thought he d just tell me i wa wrong this is going exactly the way you think it is during that week i decided that if he left me i wa going to end my life at the time i didn t know that him bottling thing up wa the reason he wa talking about a lot of other thing namely my increased anxiety and me not coping well with it on my own he said i wa overloading him which i understand he also said that i seemed more angry with him over time and more anxious and that that made him feel badly about himself i didn t know any of this i thought he would tell me i ve had a traumatic life spent year feeling unloved by my family lived in a home where i wa unwelcome accumulated five mental disorder and last year wa committed for suicidality i spend the majority of my time trying to be a good of a person a i possibly can and i wa doing that with him a well and i failed obviously i came to the conclusion that if he decided that the issue we had were too fundamental to who i am and therefore unfixable that he wa probably right i spent the last few day of that week planning my death decidng what my note would look like of which there would be many one for each member of my family and for the first time actually wanted to die when i wa committed before i wa delusional i didn t want to die i thought that i had to to end the suffering this time i just didn t want to go on i figured i had given it my best shot and now the only way i could be of any use wa to leave my loved one alone and write them letter to soothe their grief and i knew some would be sad some would be angry but i just couldn t do it anymore and now he s saying these issue are fixable that he love me and want to stay that he still see good in me but now i feel confused i wa expecting to die this week i expected him to end it today or over the weekend and that didn t happen emotionally i am a wreck and neither he nor anyone else know i didn t tell him because i didn t want that to affect his decision and i would rather cut off my arm then manipulate people i love i won t tell him now either if he ever doe decide to leave he need to feel free to do so and now i just i ve discovered how dependent i am on others to give me value i simply don t believe that everyone ha value some people namely rapist serial killer people who hurt people over and over with no remorse etc don t and thus that mean that to keep myself from being hypocritical i have to apply my belief system to myself a well in the past i told myself that i am simply too unwell to make that decision objectively but now that feel like running away from the question i am just reconciling this relationship is inherently unstable because me and him are both highschoolers and i have enough illness to mark me insane i ve realized that i won t be able to handle loosing him because i think he is such a great human being and he s treated me so well if we ever split i ll know it wa my fault and apparently that mean more to me than i thought no one in my life can know this happened specifically because i recently went off of my anxiety medication and they ll say thats why this happened this doesn t make sense because when i wa commited last year i wa taking the medication and that didn t prevent me from being suicidal and because the side effect of the medication made my life significantly worse and harder so i doubt going back on it would really help i will not discus why because it is horribly embarrassing and feel dehumanizing and i don t want anyone s opinion i just want to know how do i move on all it took wa a week for those thought to become instinct again and they re still following me typically i move on quickly partly because of my dissociative disorder and it d only take a day or two to forget but this isn t dissapearing i ve damaged my psyche and i don t know what to do about it i can t talk to a therapist in my experience they don t actually know how to help you move on from a period of suicidality they only know how to keep you from doing it i think cbt the therapy not the drug could help honestly but i doubt seriously i could find a therapist who doesn t think suicidal thought disappear after you re commited at least thats how they treated it at the psych ward they act like your thought should be gone in a week last time i opened up about this i felt like i wa being punished by my family and by my doctor actually i m still being punished at least by my family everyone ha an opinion about your suicidality and everyone make it about themselves i just mean to say opening up isn t an option i don t need further punishment or have people angrier with me than they were before how can i in my own time and on my own term move foward i know there s a way especially since i m motivated though my heart is probably in the wrong place because my reason for being motivated is so that it doesn t affect my boyfriend and i feel i should specify i don t mean how can i tackle the root i can actually do that in therapy without risking hospitalization i just mean a of now how can i wrangle myself together and keep moving | 1 |
im a y o male child sex abuse victim i wa molested by an uncle at pre school age along with my younger brother this disgusting trauma ha cast a shadow over my entire life and now that im in a period of increasing loneliness and hopelessness i think im just gon na leave i have so many social difficulty from this so many thing are 0x harder for me for so many reason it ha basically destroyed my ability to feel any worth in myself to feel like i deserve anything on top of this i deal with persistent chronic pain im seriously drowning lost everyone who made me happy and the focus in my life is never on me always a second thought to even my own parent my grandpa keep a gauge in his closet that im going to use to splatter my head later | 1 |
hello i hope you are having a good day i have been suicidal for the last year at least i am 9 male idk if that matter and i never told anyone about it because well i am too shy today i built enough strentgh to be able to open up about my suicidal thought to my mother just to feel absolutely destroyed by her reaction she immedately asked if i am autistic no joke and didnt stop saying that i wa telling her this to threaten her or make her feel guilty i wa very confused when i heard that and she still continued doubting my academic performance even though i told her many time i am still doing well in my study then finally she somehow ended up beating me up out of rage telling me that i am lazy that i dont help at home that i dont pay the bill that i dont get the highest grade making feel me like i am burden to everyone well i guess that must be true right i am worthless so i should disappear soon trust me i want to die really badly but i get slapped by reality and i realize how weak i am when i try killing myself i am sorry for being such a disappointment to everyone i am truly sorry | 1 |
i ve tried therapy i ve tried medication i know i m trying i quit nicotine i ate better and exercised i don t know what to do it s tiring living like this and having to do it alone i don t drink anymore and still feel the same i m too embarrassed to reach out i wasn t raised in a mental health conscious family i keep flaking on friend but it s because i m so tired man i don t know what to do i don t need anyones help i promise i m not a nice person who deserves it i don t know what to do anymore im just exhausted | 1 |
why do people have to care about me im only alive because of my parent and some friend because they would be sad if i died life is bullshit | 1 |
content warning od throwing up hi this is just a vent ig but like last night i really felt like taking an overdose but i decided not to so that i didn t have to throw up cause that happened and i hate it and i don t want to throw up and then die like that would be awful but today i woke up at like three or four am and puked all over the floor and now i m just thinking that me avoiding taking those pill didn t work out like hoped like i still threw up but i m not even dying | 1 |
long story short i wa miserable at parent moved out for a year happiest time of my life still sometimes i found myself sad cry and still miserable had to move back in been month hate it here i m starting to think it s just me no matter what i do i still find myself sad amp wondering why i exist usually keep myself extra busy but any downtime i have i ll have these same thought what make you keep going why do you decide to get out of bed every morning what is the literal point of your existence | 1 |
i don t see why suicide is selfish in my case if i killed myself to make other people s life better i don t think that should be considered a selfish but im called selfish for wanting to kill myself i don t get it im a fuck up if i m alive and i m a fuck up if i want to kill myself i don t know what to do anymore | 1 |
a the title say i can t be bothered with life anymore it taking me so long to even go to a bridge and jump off i just wan na die already got no friend family dont give a crap amp i always get left behind when it come to meeting people so why not end it all and be done with this pain | 1 |
i need some help badly i suffer too much my depression ha gone from a depression i wa able to function on i wa a everyday gym user ate well slept well grade were alright now my depression is horrific i tried the gym the other day and saw myself in the mirror and wanted to pick up a weight and smash my head in i don t eat i don t sleep i ve lost weight badly my hair is always ridiculed someone always go out of there way to speak to me or about me leave me alone i would bet money if you ask my couple of friend and my family doe he have depression they would say no way he s happy i m dying inside suicidal thought used to be a comforting thing for me whenever something bad happened i said i won t be here so it won t matter now it s getting to the point where it seems like my only solution i m such a gentle great soul why doe my brain treat me like a piece of dirt why doe my brain force me to thrive to look perfect i ve resorted to self harm i ve done it twice a month or two ago and it felt great i cut up my thigh badly i ve tried to not make that a habit tho i m just a year old kid how tf am i giving up already on life my beautiful parent and family and pet and i choose to be a disgusting loser i wish i didn t have such a amazing family so i didn t feel guilty i know this is long and i know people won t read this on a stupid reddit page but i had to vent my main reason for depression are body dysmorphia worst part and most crippling lack of social life fear of driving while everyone else doe lack of aspiration don t know what i m doing for college don t have a career choice lack of attention from opposite sex least painful one but it definitely hurt badly i ve never told a single person about depression can someone save my life | 1 |
hey tbh i don t know who to ask i tried unalive myself by hanging un fortunately they rescued me i don t have any medical complication but i have something i can describe a bloody eye like the part of my eye that supposed to be white are partially cover with blood i m wondering doe anyone had something like that i love my half dead look but i m curious when my eye will get back to normal | 1 |
i have always hated myself and have attempted suicide several time for the past year since my last attempt what had kept me going ha been focusing on changing myself to become someone i can stand a long a changing and improving myself felt possible death didn t seem like the only answer to escape who i am despite covid i have liked myself more in the past year than ever before because i felt like i wa actually making progress on becoming a good person in therapy so it felt even more do able then four week ago my therapist told me that all this time therapy hasn t been working he reduced the amount of therapy i receive per week because i wa relying on it too much to enact the change it wa immediately clear after the change that he wa right i m the exact same piece of shit i ve always been i wa just able to be better because of his help a soon a it wa removed i went right back to how i wa before i feel so foolish humiliated and defeated i feel like i ve been in the desert racing desperately towards an oasis for the past two year only to discover it wa just a mirage all along death really is the only way to escape being who i am | 1 |
people dying in the street everyone is so isolated possibility of nuclear war the list go on and on and on i already have shitty mental health and i don t think i can handle the pressure of the modern world much longer inb this is the best time to be alive hurrdurr no it s not i just want to live like a human is supposed to live in a small tribe in which we all care for each other spend all day everyday with other people be a part of a community our society ha completely removed u from the joy of being a human i feel like i m in a spaceship in the middle of deep space with no hope for any human connection | 1 |
today i pretended i wa okay to my mom so she would continue to let me stay in her house i choked down food so it looked like i had an appetite and told her i would go draw so i could be myself alone i can t even draw anymore anyways i saw this a fake it til you make it i ve been told it s actually that i m not putting any effort in and using people so i guess i ll sleep a long a the people around me will let me then hoping i never wake up | 1 |
my friend who s always been like a motherly figure to me and i ve always looked up to her ha been mentally struggling for ever since i ve known her mental facility in where she life are actual hell she tried to off herself a couple of time but didn t this time i m afraid that she ll do it because she s getting worse every day and i feel so helpless because word can t touch her anymore and that s all i can do she said that she feel worthless and life doesn t have meaning to it and that she think no one want her in their life and she doesn t know right from wrong good from evil and reality from illusion she s tired and the only thing she can think of is doing herself justice by ending her life to shut the voice in her head it broke my heart reading what she said and i couldn t translate it all i want her to find peace i just want the best for her i wish i m more brave to show her how beautiful life can be but even i can t see it so is there a point in trying i wish i could do more i wish i wa helpful i wish i can show her that she s not alone in this and that i love her i hate myself for even thinking that it s the best thing for her because then she ll be free she can finally rest in peace even though it hurt but i don t want her to suffer more than she already ha i want her to reach the peace she s been looking for i feel so selfish if i tried to stop her what should i do | 1 |
i m year old live by myself and i m losing my marble i wa with a girl for two year up living together for until a week before my birthday when she dumped me cut me off and told me how horrible i am i ll admit i ve been controlling i had caught and been told about her having an affair with a coworker halfway through and still forgave her around new year she told me she is pregnant with my child i m pretty positive it s mine but now i m hoping it s not im off the deep end i think horrible thought all day a i mindlessly build door for 0 hour i imagine just ending it after work and how thing are going to be so much better when i do it im broke with bill i m court ordered therapy and today wa my 90 compliance order time now i get violated i don t want help i want to die i m just scared what s it s going to do to my fragile parent i m a psychopath i m adopted i don t even know who made me i wa never even supposed to be here i don t think anyone will read these but i need to say it somewhere and i dont want help i can t change my mind anymore i wasn t made for this bullshit i ll do more harm to others if i don t end myself before pray for my daughter pray for my parent i can t do this shit anymore | 1 |
nothing left bye guy hope life give you what you want because it didn t for me | 1 |
i just want to either take all my pill or jump off a bridge and be done with it people i thought cared at me don t and the one person i know care about me and want to be my friend doesn t respect me a a person with feeling he hurt me he know how his new relationship ha affected me and now his won t stop behaving like a horny teenager in public a a man in his mid 0 i just want to be respected i looked up to him and it s all crumbling down in front of me i can t be friend with him anymore and i can t live with that i just want to be done with this pathetic life i just had to cut my parent off for the second time in undergrad and have nobody i m useless and behind on so much i have so many obligation but i can t find the strength to do any of them all my peer hate me for being upset how dare i be upset when i see the person i like make out with their significant other on the floor and won t keep their hand off each other and i can t do anything about it if i say anything i ll lose everyone i m trapped i fucking hate myself for getting close to him and wish he just left town when he graduated so i never got to know him at all | 1 |
i m f i ve been bullied throughout my entire school career i wa always the gifted kid until i wa about and started to feel the burn out but i persisted with the gifted class and now i m absolutely burnt out i wa always the friend that everyone went to when they needed something but nobody wa ever available when i needed help i ve always lived for others and never lived for myself and i m tired of it i don t even know what i want in life anymore i m always shut down for my idea i wa molested by a family member for year from the age 0 and since then have been raped time each a separate occasion and person i ve made multiple attempt on my life in the past and used to self harm i ve been clean for a little over a year but the urge are so strong my most recent attempt wa in august 0 and wa an overdose on metoprolol it wa about am and i wa otp with a friend and told him that i wanted to die he told me if you re at peace with that decision then you do what you think is best for you i however don t think that you should do it but i know i can t stop you and i proceeded to down bottle of metoprolol i waited about minute until i could finally feel everything shutting down and woke my younger brother up and told him what i did he called 9 and woke my parent and younger sister up my younger brother watched a the paramedic put me in the ambulance and had to watch me flatline a they were flooding my body with med to keep me awake i got to the hospital and my mom didn t even bother to show up for another hour she stayed with me for a while before she had to go to work and then my dad who abused me my entire life stayed with me and did nothing but complain about me and say that i wa nothing but a coward who wanted to take the easy way out my dad got into it with hospital staff bc he had to leave and nobody could stay with me so i had to leave against medical advice one of my older brother made the hour drive in hour to come down and make sure that i wa safe after my younger brother called him and told him what happened i wa put into a outpatient program afterwards and it helped a lot for a while but after about a month of being out of it i wanted to die again since then i lost one of my older brother and it s been difficult to deal with that and my own problem internally i ve never wanted to kill myself more than i do now i have a plan and everything i wa aiming for my th bday but that s too far from now i just want to give up i m exhausted | 1 |
i get into argument with my mum almost everyday and the reason is because of me i don t intend to start a fight but i always some how manage to my mum ha no tolerance for stress and that s why she is so sensitive to argument because she ha been through a lot from me and my dad i hate to admit but i don t like to be around my family my younger sister doesn t even like to live in the same house a me because of my toxic behaviour and inability to communicate properly i never wanted to hurt anyone but now i ve become a thorn hurting more and more and i have seen my decline over time with how much more severe thing have been in home my mum ha been damaged so much by stress that she is forced to stay in bed for the rest of the day if an argument unfolds and it wont be long until she ha a heart attack from stress unless something change when i go out with friend s once a month or so i m quiet and there is never any trouble caused and i m able to have a break from reality for a few hour until i go home and face stress again home drive me insane and i hate it because i m around people i can t get along with but i never wanted it to be this way but i made it like this my only peace is when im asleep alone or outside with mate and thats not enough to keep me going over the past year i have changed so much and i don t know what to do anymore i have become emotionless and hollow building up all my pain and sadness inside and not showing anyone except some friend but only the tip of the iceberg i never wanted to be the bad guy but i end up being one because of a mistake i make i myself can t handle stress either so i might not even finish school yet reach college it doesn t help either that i don t want to go to college so my mum will kick me out of the house to go live with my dad who ha been severely affected mentally by drug and is deranged my mum say i m exactly like my dad and he is a horrible person i don t know what there is to live for in life i m hurting everyone around me and who know how long it will be till my friend cut me from their life depression is horrible and i will never wish it upon anyone because it is like a wound that re open deeper and deeper everytime it close to being healed i hate life and hate myself i don t enjoy anything and hate school so where will i end up if i survive school i don t know and it scare me because time is ticking faster than i want it to i am going to commit suicide in the end whenever that time arrives i have sealed my faith and can t undo my bad the tunnel is getting darker for me and worse is to come i waited long enough for a sign to keep going but i never received one i m a burden on my family and a selfish soul that doe not deserve to exist only i can save myself but i gave up a long time ago how do i even find a reason at the lowest point in my life if anyone read this thanks for taking a moment out of your day to hear my pain | 1 |
i m leaving tonight i can t keep doing this i m sorry | 1 |
i got so used to the happiness i thought everything finally made sense and i had a future i wa and am convinced this man who ha hurt me in so many way is my soulmate now four month after a blindsiding breakup he s with someone else and every day i breakdown and think about killing myself i never thought id be like this over some guy but there it is ive tried med and therapy and everything youre supposed to do but i cant eat i cant sleep when all i dream about is him and i cant function or get a real job or anything i hate myself for being so weak and pathetic i dont know how to do this anymore | 1 |
i m writing this in hope i get a sign but it s been year already and no sign of life getting better my mom hate me she already told me that my family doesn t give a shit about me and my friend they also don t i ve been trying to get a job i wa just fired from a job where i wa happy learning and getting good pay they just sent me an email saying they no longer need me no feedback except for you are great but not what we need i have tremendous stress a i have to help pay rent i don t want to be a burden anymore i really tried but i m not getting anywhere | 1 |
how doe suicide really feel for your loved one my friend told me that it would probably be pretty painful and sad but i m wondering if people even care | 1 |
i feel at peace but i can t stop cry i m done with life i will no longer be a noose ance anymore i guess part of me wish someone would stop me still i don t know i m done edit it is now the next day i m still thinking about killing myself but it s way le intense now more of a thought than a plan and intent i don t know it s been rough it s hard to see a way out of it but i know that inaction isn t going to help me get over it man i wish life wa le difficult but it really feel like i m learning everything from the ground up i know for sure that there are many people who are going through similar situation experience a i am but due to the nature of it nobody dare to talk about it i do however think that my experience are universal therefore survivable idk i just wish it didn t have to be that way but i need to accept it | 1 |
the people that sh why do you do it i ve gotten this question a couple time since a couple year i m self harming almost daily i do it for three reason comfort seeing myself bleed physically is for some reason comforting to me my question to you do you see yourself in that too distraction it s is a quick temporary conversion from emotional pain to physical pain relieving my mind and thought for a quick moment shame the third reason is more of a response to the most asked question aren t you afraid people will see your wound scar and the answer is no people won t get to see it anyway it s on my torso leg and shoulder i never am in situation where those body part are exposed it s a simple a that | 1 |
i can t handle people talking to me however they want anymore im over it fuck it | 1 |
not handling the loss of my father barely making it day to day i m in so much pain i don t think i can make it much longer | 1 |
wa recently hit with a major wave of depression and memory i cant seem to get it out of my head and the thought of oding sound so enticing to me right now year of religious indoctrination is the only thing holding me back is there any way i can quickly overcome this fear of burning for eternity so i can just rest peacefully in the void | 1 |
it s ironic and funny even that when i m feeling so angry and alone and after every professional that i ve seen said there s always people who ll listen to your problem the one time i try to actually reach out to them they never answered | 1 |
i don t get it i ve know i have a future i know have a route but i don t see the point anymore no matter what i do it s never enough for the people around me family friend even myself no matter what i do i feel like i m always doing it wrong i have severe social anxiety and i m too scared to reach out to anyone close to me i know they ll just turn their back like they always do everyday i have to put on a mask and pretend like everything is okay i don t want to put it on anymore i don t want anyone to feel sorry for me i don t want to cause that stress in anyone but myself my mind is so fucked up that i don t even know what s wrong with me anymore all i know is that something is i ve kept all my emotion bottled up for year i m too numb to feel anything anymore i can t remember the last time i felt legitimate happiness the only thing i feel at this point are physical besides stress shame and a crippling caffeine addiction it s so bad that i m taking at least 000mg a day at this point at this point i just have a bottle of mixed medication at my bedside that i stare at every night and each day i feel myself moving closer to downing them all this is my last call i don t know what else to do | 1 |
im still in school and i get bullied i dont have friend and i get beatun up almost every day and i get sick a lot like fainting alot and im just sick of it so here i am asking for help so will someone please just help me | 1 |
i am sorry i could not make it until june i have tried i am not strong enough this school is too unforgiving i am sorry | 1 |
i just want someone or the love of my life who wa out there somewhere to come and heal me and pick me up and give me everything i needed in life and validate all the issue i ever had faced in this lifetime i can t be asked to put my mental health first or any of that shit anymore i can t carry myself | 1 |
i m trying really hard | 1 |
a man in my neighborhood just killed himself in the same method i am planning it happened a month ago but i just got more detail about it today from my mom she doesn t suspect a thing about me all the story i have heard about when something like this happens is that people rally together but that didn t happen my mom talked about his poor wife and how much his kid are going to miss him and how it must have been some of the medication he wa on she didn t say a thing about him other than it wa sad that he had mental health issue the people in my circle think that people like me and him are worth le than someone healthy they never said that but i can tell they think people like me are hard to love that we have too many demon inside of u that people with depression are letting the devil get to them none of this ha escaped me am i really evil am i letting the devil win the worst part is that they don t know what i m planning to do but i could never say anything because i don t want to hurt them i don t want to destroy the image they have of me while i am alive | 1 |
to preface i would like to apologize in advance for any posting informality this is my first reddit post i just graduated university in may of 0 and received a job at a global digital marketing agency agency life a a first job wa too emotionally taxing for my well being and gave me extremely bad performance anxiety i quit this job right before the start of 0 and have been looking for a job since i briefly had a job in february of 0 however a close friend of mine offed himself and i wa fired for taking time off to grieve due to this i started taking prozac and visiting a therapist once a week thing were going fine until i decided to drink on prozac one night and have a psychotic episode this episode caused me to get extremely aggressive towards my roommate for no reason i wa running down a list of accusation some true and some untrue however my girlfriend worried for the safety of my roommate decided to slap me in hope to end the episode terrible idea i know amp we have no history of domestic abuse this lead me into a meltdown where i called the cop trying to get her arrested for assault along with spewing false detail of thing that i wa hallucinating the cop soon realized i wa having an episode and luckily didn t press charge and talked me somewhat down from being aggressive once they left i packed up every item i own and drove hour to my family s house i don t remember anything until i wa almost finished packing my stuff i severely hurt my roommate and girlfriend i don t think about coming back because of how overwhelming the guilt will feel i m not sure what i should do and my brain is focusing on the permanent solution i guess the reason for this post is to ask for any advice or tip i didn t want to drone on regarding other incident so i ll leave a list below of what s happened in the past year cut off abusive parent experienced a few other meltdown due to work school stress lost a ton of friend due to self isolation took too many psychedelics which ha given me bad general anxiety wa arrested and impulsively moved halfway around the u before i wa ready to amp x 00b life for the past year ha gone continuously downhill for me i can t realistically see a way out of this | 1 |
a i write this it feel so attention seeking like i am looking for a reason to stay a reason to feel i have all the reason right in front of me my girlfriend my best friend my dog however none of it matter i m drunk and all i want to do is die i m scared i m scared of how that will make my friend family and girlfriend feel how can i put them through that i wish i didn t care i wish i didn t care about their feeling i wish i could just go get a gun or in my car and resume back to the chapter before my birth sometimes surviving an event is the hard part me surviving life is the hard part it feel like i could go in forever forever knowing that it s just chemical in my brain that make me want to blissfully enjoy the enteral slumber that awaits u all medicine scare me what if it change who i am the last time i wa on the medicine i slept for the majority of the day unable to get out of the blissful slumber that carried away my thought and sorrow eventually i ll have the gut if i rid myself of everyone who care | 1 |
it s kind of funny isn t it | 1 |
age gender m i ve been dealing with my depression for a while now and some people including my parent know although my biggest regret is telling my girlfriend when i told her that i have been trying to take my life everything changed i understand it s just her caring and not knowing how to deal with it but it s been such a burden on the relationship i m not longer human to her i m mainly a ticking time bomb i m starting to feel like i ve locked her in this relationship because of this disease i have we can t go a hang out without her cry about the fact that my life is hanging on by a thread and i know this is extremely selfish of me how could i not be appreciative for this caring girl to be honest i couldn t care le just every time i see her break because of me it make me hate myself more i wish i just kept that side of me hidden away from her to protect her from it the worst part is she can t help me even though she try so hard and she know it every day feel like a toss of a dice whether i will live or die and she is watching it all helpless i love her so much she keep me going but god i wish i had a time machine to go back and make sure i never told her just then she could be happy until the end i m sorry vesna | 1 |
i cant see the only person keeping me here i cant listen to his voice i should be able to but my anxiety make it impossible for me to ask him to meet up or call i can only message him he doesn t respond for hour i need to speak to him i need to see him i need him i miss him i miss him so much im on the verge of attempting bc it feel like ill never see him again i havent seen him in month i havent spoken to him in person in 9 i know i need to talk to someone but im not getting therapy until june i tried sending him message over the last few day but he hasn t even seen them my heart is literally physically aching bc i miss him so much i cant do this anymore edit guy im ok he responded to my message and i wa able to calm down before i could try to end it | 1 |
but fuck insomnia that moment of peace is snatched too | 1 |
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