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normally i use my note app but this wa the first time i had written pen and paper somehow it feel good it s the final chapter of my life i hope people in my life understand i had to do this for myself the pain is too much for one to handle everyday | 1 |
she asked me to go out and do thing outside of school which i don t do often she s so nice and cool and creative and i care fo her so much but i feel like i should just leave her alone im such a terrible person ive done and said so much messed up stuff and if she knew who i really wa she would hate me im a fucking shit head emotional manipulator i cut my arm and palm to shit just hoping that she would notice and comfort me or tell me to stop and she didn t notice and now i want to cut myself more for being an idiot and thinking i could get someone to care for me by ruining myself she d probably be disgusted by my scar anyway i wish i could go to therapy or get help but i can t and at this point i feel awful all the time and i just can t do it anymore im gon na kill myself soon probably this year whenever i fuck up to the point all my inhibition about death are gone thank you to the people that dm d me on my last post i didn t respond to one of you but i appreciate it | 1 |
im fucking drunk at 9am even if im fucking with my life still ahead of me i don t wan na do this anymore i dont even have a house anymore i have nobodt y fck i cant even type noboidy i just want to end thing but im too scared to even kill myself hpw do i do it without failing i often imagine others doing it for me can someone help me do it where can i go to do it i think it will irresponsib e for me to just jump into traffic a i don t want others to suffer i just want to go quietly are there any service like that my ocd keep me hanging i have a list i cant leave or ill go crazt im tired why is it so hard to log out of this life anybody wan na kill me no string attached or do you know anyone who could please make it stop i want to cease and disappear | 1 |
i don t know if i could able to live another day or another year i hear everyday people judge who i talked to or what i m planning to do they hated my presence and how my thought is they hated my love of interest and my hobby because it s useless and not get you anywhere in life my mom constantly telling me i m not going anywhere in life because of the many failed attempt on planning to go to school or planning to get the job but no my self esteem and my joy for socializing people is ruined by my mom i m still in a constant unresolved trauma going on in on through my childhood where i get brutally beaten by people whose used to be kid and now grow up to be the same thing a me but selfishly beat me to the ground i couldn t able to save my dad through a stroke back in october 0 nobody understands me when i talked about my issue at home or my life they only thought i m a well rounded person who got lot of achievement and so called hope on me and now i m on my computer scrolling though which rope i could buy and how sturdy the fall is and use it before my birthday because nobody understands me | 1 |
my abusive mom got off she died ruining me my younger brother is in her footstep and abuse me too i don t want any encouragement or anything positive i am just done sensitive people like me the victim always lose my mom won a she died and is now in peace my brother ha won too so i m done i lost the battle and the war narc always win | 1 |
if thing don t get better for me by the end of 0 i m going to cash out my saving write a will and use of my saving to go on a world trip alone after which i will kill myself in a quiet place by the sea or something the saving i m leaving for my little brother because who know how expensive college will be by the time he s i m almost and a neet i have no friend no so extreme depression and social anxiety i don t find joy in hobby i am too anxious to go outdoors social medium trigger me i have no skill and haven t worked since 0 0 my family is poor and having me living in the house just drain their saving i consider myself low maintenance but food and electricity is just so goddamn expensive these day i also have ton of allergy and dyshidrotic eczema on my finger and during my flare ups i can t do any chore and any contact with water cause itch and spread now at springtime it meant i m rendered basically incapable of doing anything it s gon na last for month and i feel useless it s an autoimmune disease and there s no cure nothing help no diet prescribed cream nothing it s been like this all my life fall is the only season where it s the mildest | 1 |
when all you can feel is you re failing at everything failure failure failure so you give up and you attempt to end it all and even fail at that how am i supposed to feel then | 1 |
i miss my life before this depressive episode idk if you can even call it an episode anymore it s been over year i don t think i ll ever be the same and that destroys me inside i miss 0 9 and 0 0 up until september i wa truly happy and just coasting through life so content i wa so happy and life wa so simple especially during the 0 0 lockdown all i had to do during the lockdown wa watch load of anime and random netflix show explore new music stay up all night and do nothing i even had time to explore my childlike side by doing load of painting and drawing using kiddie paint and colouring book my mental health wa great too i had no eating disorder no depression no school work my anxiety and ocd wa minimal and i wasn t so deeply lonely like i am now i can literally just hear a song smell a smell or taste a good that i experienced to during that period and i will burst out in tear because i miss not being depressed so much now even if i do try and enjoy life like i did back then and be carefree it ll never be the same because my anxiety and depression have quite literally destroyed me from the inside now i ll never be able to enjoy life like that again i had never been in a relationship and that didn t bother me at all now i ve still never been in a relationship and it make me feel unloveable and ugly i always hear people at school talking about their relationship and date and stuff and even though i don t want a boyfriend that bad i still feel like i m missing out on a key part of the teenage experience but still to be honest i m not that keen on a relationship i really just want to be happy anyway all that s left to do is die i have my plan in place and i have a date and method at least i can say that i experienced true happiness and one point in my life i guess | 1 |
hello thank you for reading my post and any advice would be appreciated so i m a 9 year old guy from southern california i dated my ex for about month and it wa a relationship plagued with many issue she cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship and i later found out stayed with her and then cheated on her it wa this weird situation because we both wronged each other so we saw it a we re equal let s try to make this work though our relationship could be considered rocky at best i still loved her very much and i had never felt such strong emotion for someone like that before she wa my first real girlfriend she introduced me to her family and vice versa we went on vacation with each other we went to punk show and enjoyed music because we had a similar taste in music around december she caught me flirting with girl on my phone and i guess you can say she ended the relationship but everything wa still the same we would see each other regularly have sex pretty regularly go out and do thing with one other and talk all the time like we did it wa almost a like we never even broke but she said the relationship wa over but if i prove to her that i would make a change that we would get back together at first i wa super apologetic and begged her for forgiveness but i soon realized that everything wa still the same minus the fact that we technically aren t in a relationship anymore i did a lot of soul searching and talking to those around me who told me it wa for the best that we didn t date anymore so i started talking to other girl around this time i meet my guitar teacher and started playing the guitar i ve been playing for about month now it s something that make me very happy and i enjoy doing it like i mentioned earlier with my ex everything felt the same except we technically weren t in a relationship but she would still say she love and care about me in december i wa still trying to get her forgiveness she bought me these sick computer speaker i bought her this ring with our name engraved on it but she didn t really seem to like it and even left it at my house and never took it even though that s what she wa begging me to buy for her at one point i told her that it bothered me that she completely just tossed away the ring and her response is why would i wear a promise ring when i ve broken the promise i didn t have a rebuttal to it so i dropped the subject january rolled around and the idea of trying to gain her favor back and earning our relationship back grew to disdain we both were on bumble tinder talking to other people flirting but we still would be in this weird situation where we were in this relationship saying i love you to each other so like i mentioned earlier i had downloaded dating apps and met flirted with some girl and she wa doing the same thing but i told her that i m growing tired of this weird thing and that i want to be back with her and try to make thing work and she wa kinda blowing it off i deleted all the dating apps i wasn t meeting flirting with any girl and i didn t do anything with anyone besides her this whole time so fast forward to my birthday on february st and she bought ticket for u to go to knot berry farm amusement park here in socal we had a good time and we ended up having sex later that night during this whole weird period we were having sex pretty consistently my birthday ended up being the last time we saw each for a while because my best friend said that they saw her on bumble tinder i made new account and i saw her she swiped right on me both time and it set me off because i kept telling her i wanted to be with her and wanted to start over and she said wanted to a well but wanted to make sure but wanted wait and that she loved me and only wanted to be with me would always say she can t imagine being with anyone but me so seeing her on these apps even though we told each other we weren t going to be on them anymore so i sent her this long message telling her how i felt about her our relationship and the whole tinder bumble situation and that i wa through with her then it wa almost a she flipped the script and that she wa the one begging me to get back with each other and she pulled her whole i love you i can t imagine being with one else but you blah blah but i wa done and wa ready to emotionally move which i feel like for the most part i have so i completely stopped talking to her many of my close friend helped me out a lot especially my best friend i felt sorta free in a way and i wa trying my best to move on i met other girl and had hookup with a lot of them i mean last week i had sex with two different girl in one night on friday but every time i feel like happy at first after but then shortly after i go back to this feeling of emptiness that i have been feeling i and my family had a trip planned out to give a visit to our family in el salvador and we went it wa only for a week but it wa the happiest i had been in so long a soon a i came back that feeling of emptiness came back full force a couple of week after i came back me and my friend decided we wanted to try shrooms it wa a whole ordeal to get them but we somehow got them we had it all planned out but it kinda fell through me and my best friend ended up taking the i unfortunately had a bad trip at first the trip went super well but i took about gram and it wa my first time and i started telling my friend i wa depressed then it turned into i m planning on committing suicide when i m older but something came upon me and i wa telling him i wanted to kill myself right then and there and i tried to kill myself but my friend stopped me i have been pretty traumatized since that night and i have been thinking about it so much during the time i wa in el salvador my ex made a tik tok about me saying i wa a terrible person and that i treated her horrible and that she wa the victim of the relationship and it got like 000 view she also posted a video on her instagram story of some random licking her face and her kissing him after so i wanted nothing to do with her anymore but after my bad trip i felt emotionally vulnerable and i texted her back and i told her what i went through and we started texting again she told me that she wanted to see me again and i wasn t there emotionally she came over and we ended up having sex and we ve done this twice now i just feel like i have gone through so much these last month and it ha been so much to handle after i took the shrooms i felt like i needed to better my action and i planning on going back to school i have stopped smoking weed and drinking i never did it often but i want to completely stop i m growing tired of this constant feeling of emptiness i feel every day of my life and i feel like i haven t been trying to move my life forward and i keep going back to the same place i keep telling myself i want to move from i don t know if it s depression or what but i m tired of the way i feel sometimes when i think about my bad trip i just chalk it up to me being high but other time i feel like that deep down i actually want to and that the shrooms just made me realize i love and appreciate my best friend my other friend and my family because they provide me with amazing support but these feeling still linger and i m growing tired of it the thing that ha been providing me with happiness is playing guitar and it s been my escape i would appreciate someone to talk to maybe i need someone fresh perspective | 1 |
i should ve died it s been a year since my last suicide attempt a year since the closest i ve gotten to dying a year since my greatest mistake of life see people talk ab leading up to the attempt or their life before that but after the failed attempt they just say they wanted to live and everything got better nah bro that s not this story a year later i m worst than before i just don t live alone anymore and there s more thing stopping me i still hate my life i still wan na die and honestly my depression got worst i just feel like i can express it le since then i had a brief period of being okay then again it all went to shit i no longer play college sport i dropped out of school time i fucked yo everything i cared about and apart from that i m in debt i self harm way more than i used to probably every day now i catch myself switching the knife i used to use for my bare hand a it s easier to play off and i just beat myself up every night until i can barely breath pounding at my chest or rib until it hurt to be straight and i need to curl up in my ball of sweat and blood and cut from the pounding i do to myself i feel invivible like no one give a fuck and neither do i i have to fake every emotion i have because i don t feel anything just complete numbness and pain i failed at everything i set out to do and i ve hurt people who didn t deserve my pain everyone who try to help find it too much and therapy seems too impersonal so it doesn t really help and i can t open up it really just feel like everything went to shit after that it feel like my rock bottom opened up and created a newer harder level called hell for me to play since i escaped from the real one when the pill didn t work and i catch myself holding my stomach half beaten sore and hungry from the day of starving myself due to lack of motivation and thinking god damn it i should ve died that day god fuckikg damn it those pill should ve killed me if they did i wouldn t have hurt who i have if they did i wouldn t have become this failure if they didn t i wouldn t have to fake if they did i wouldn t have to beat if they did i wouldn t have to pretend i m okay being alive when all i ever wan na do is die if they did i would finally rest i can t talk ab my feeling i m undeserving of that privilege i can t explain why i do the thing i do that hurt people the word just don t come out the feeling is unexplainable i can t explain why i just wan na die because if i did then i would be told i m taking thing for granted and i can t kill myself because it hurt to hurt people all i want is to be dead happiness stoped being an option for me long ago | 1 |
why am i here i have class i need to go back i m sweating my backside is all gross and wet and it s not because it s hot i m wearing short something is wrong with me i m broken i can t be around people but i m lonely i can t care about college awful apathy is in my vein i can t even pretend to have any desire for life or conversation i m going to fail my class maybe failing something will finally wake me up or no i m nothing of value without my grade it s all i ve ever had it s all i m actually good at and now i realize how utterly pointless and empty that overwhelming stress wa good grade never made me like living or myself if i fail it is justification that my existence is worthless i m just lonely and socially anxious to the point of phobia and scared of others and especially of myself i just want to die i m supposed to commit suicide i m sure of it i am not meant to exist i do not belong here i belong nowhere i m tired really really tired | 1 |
every time i think thing are getting better they suddenly go to shit is it even worth trying anymore i ve hit an all time low and my confidence ha never been worse which is kind of uncommon because my confidence go last usually everyone seems to be getting happier and they all have plan for the future but i still feel like i ve a long way to go when it come to starting a new chapter in my life i m exhausted this overwhelming emptiness doesn t ever go away it only get filled with sadness and anger | 1 |
month ago i hit rock bottom and wa about to kill myself luckily the attempt wa a failure therapy worked wonder for me and i m falling in love right now thanks for the kind word in this subreddit you helped me through the darkest night of my life much love | 1 |
i am dying beforehand i dont even want to talk to you you are the reason why im leaving have a nice fucking life without me | 1 |
i ve had suicidal ideation almost everyday for year now i ve kinda lost track when specifically because everything just seems like a blur i feel trapped in a way because i don t want to hurt my friend and family but at the same time i m just so exhausted with living i just want to be set free and i wish they could just let me go and finally allow me to leave this world i mean being gay and asian american should give enough of a reason a to why i ve ended up in this predicament i just wish i could have been born normal i wish i could have had a normal childhood i wish i could had all the thing that came with growing up like crush prom night or dating in high school and then piling that on top of all the other horrible shit that exists within our society i don t even want to continue with life anymore why should i even bother if world i live in wa never made for people like me why would it be bad if i choose to leave it isn t it more selfish for them to keep me hostage alive | 1 |
i don t wan na be here anymore i m sick of feeling like this all the time i wan na kill myself tomorrow i might not do it but the thought of doing it are too much now | 1 |
well since i m too pusy to actually kill myself i ve just decided to tell everyone who care about me i ve past away from a random heart condition it s not like it matter i m clearly and problem and i m not worth their time of day anymore my friend are all long distance anyways it s not like they ll know my soon to be ex s mom wa right i am mental and she ha the right to not want that for her daughter and i respect that i honestly had myself fooled for a little while that i wa worth something and wa actually doing better i m never gon na be able to support her anyways i m a broke sorry fool with gas cost i can no longer afford to drive from the quad city to chicago to see you i ve failed a a man the pill only work so much it s not fair to you j that you have keep track of my suicidal as i honestly want to be able to be someone that can make you happy in the way i did and more with money and stuff i want you to finish college then go to medschool like you planned on i know you re going to make a great doctor i hope you ll be able to go back home to n c and see your family more this long distance isn t right for someone like you on top of it this isn t what someone like you need you were the most beautiful person i ve ever been with in everyway i m honestly glad for the month of an amazing relationship i m even more thankful for the year of friendship guess i just wanted someone to my reason out even though i know she ll never see this and they ll never see it i can t afford to be with you guy anymore i don t wan na be the friend with no money or boyfriend and such it s not fair i hope you don t mind i keep a photo of you guy that reminds me of why i m choosing to get better goodbye guy you re gon na be fine without me | 1 |
what if i die hel think it his fault | 1 |
i m losing my best friend one of my friend is about to kill himself another friend is lying to me i m done i can t hold on i just can t i m done i m just so done i m ready to die i ve been ready to die so i m about to write my note and pick a time and day and hopefully i won t be alive much longer | 1 |
curse this planet curse that most woman want an above average penis size curse most woman enjoy above average size curse i can t do anything to change mine curse i will always be inferior and never satisfy anyone fully curse that life made my life hopeless from the day i wa born curse people who get mad at me for giving up when there literally nothing i can do curse the people who dont take my problem seriously curse this planet i will go kill myself now | 1 |
i m struggled with suicidal thought for the best part of year majority of my life i ve spent fighting myself thing that happened in my childhood have such a deep and agressive hold on my self esteem no matter what i do i don t feel confident in myself i can t even drink a coffee without getting into a fit of anxiety it s never been this lucid to the point i m planning exactly how i want to do it don t want to reach out to anyone because i ve pretended to be fine for so long couldn t imagine what it would to my mom but can t see myself ever getting better enough to enjoy my life absolutely lost | 1 |
i 0m have had a rough past year my brother ha been in and out of psychiatric institute due to drug induced psychosis changed major life choice around my recent ex of year and am now living by myself in a college town doing all online class all of my friend are hour away and i can not seem to find connection with anybody where i live currently my mental health is on a steady decline despite being on medication and having therapy i drink alone frequently self harm almost every other day and when i try to get ahead i m constantly being pulled back i ve considered killing myself during the height of these past event yet for the first time i am enticed by the idea while having a relatively clear and calm conscious my studio apartment is hell for me a i am stuck in my head almost indefinitely i have no motivation to work on school or go to work regularly despite being a relatively driven person both ex i ve ever had see me a an emotionally abusive and controlling person and seem to have a lot of hatred for me i have always tried my best to be loving to everybody and never intentionally wronged them yet i allow them to hold power over my life even though i never see them after explaining these circumstance to my therapist she told me that it doe not classify a emotional abuse yet i still cling to those word i feel like i ruin everything around me without ever trying every time i get into my car i think about how easy it would be to just speed into a building of off a cliff i honestly don t know if i d be around to type this if i had a gun the only thing holding me back is my family and few close friend but sometimes i can completely disassociate from that reality the future scare the living hell out of me and i don t think i have a place on this earth people always say it get better but i have trouble believing that anymore i ve failed a a boyfriend brother son when all i ve ever wanted wa for people to see my true intention i don t want to go on living if it mean i continue to hurt people that i love | 1 |
i really hate everything about myself i hate what i sound like look like my body my personality i really can t do this anymore and i won t try to i really wish i looked so much different wasn t a annoying a chatterbox i hate that i know i won t get better people call me a fighter for my disease but i hate it i wish i didn t have the clusterfuck of shit inside me i wish i wa pretty or maybe cute a cute cat a rabbit man something so i won t have to understand what people say about me i hate my body but i use fashion a my coping mechanism i never really wa able to my ex didn t like me wearing anything form fitting or revealing now that i can i find out that i probably don t have a lot of time to also definitely not the fund to when i wear something i like i feel nice and free but i also hate what i see in the mirror i said i wanted to be a cat or a rabbit but maybe a rock instead just chilling by the beach on the sand or some stream maybe a kid will take me and glue me on some paper glue sand rock seashell glitter amalgamation which will eventually be thrown in the trash to god know where i just don t want to be able to comprehend anything any word any judgement sound stupid laughable and i agree i don t know anything about the idea of reincarnation but when i kill myself tonight i guess i will hope to be a rock lol | 1 |
being gay is so fucking lonely everyone is either busy making their crotch gobblins or busy with their so i come from a super religious family and am not financially stable by myself so i just have to sit on the corner alone and watch everyone else enjoy life i have no one to talk to i dont have any friend id feel comfortable talking about this with and warmlines feel fake a fuck i hate how straight men treat every get together a an excuse to find someone to fuck but i also feel lile a fucking weirdo for not liking woman in latin america where im from people think gay men want to be woman and every comedy show make fun of u i just feel like an object not a human an effigy created to be ridiculed and ostracized a thing that help straight people feel better about themselves by being a freak a useful object like a gay best friend or le of a man i know this will sound petty but it also hurt seeing so many beautiful men and knowing that i would never be able to be with them im also pretty ugly and gay men tend to be quite vain im not muscular im too hairy to be a femboy or a twink and im not a bottom like most people would expect of me i just feel like i dont fit in anywhere and no one will love me | 1 |
i ve oded twice and they know i sh and the mental health team ha done fuck all sort of threatening to kill people how do you get committed i get that you can go private but i m broke i literally want to stab myself and don t know what to do so | 1 |
i dont want to write this because i feel like im disrespecting the people that actual suffered from suicide but i dont want to live without her she want no contact at all and she wa all that made me happy i miss her | 1 |
i fucking hate myself i deserve to die i should get run over by a train i deserve to fucking bleed until i die i need to die my mental health depends on my grade but my grade depend on my mental health i cant fucking take this im so tierd of all this i just wan na be normal i just want my family to understand that it hard it fucking hard but they dont understand i need to die i cant take this anymore im so exausted i cant take this i cant fucking take this why cant i be fucking normal | 1 |
currently i m under and life is hell i have ptsd i wa sexually assaulted at my mom didn t feed me when i didn t do all my homework every day didn t oh and ofc ma hit me when i cried and gaslight me to believe my dad wa actually the abusive one she wa also anti vax and flat earth right when the ptsd started to get better life decided naaaaah i like you in pain so during covid i masked and baisicly hid in my apartment like a bunker i caught covid so you might say so what well guess the duck what turn out i had a dormant gene that cause lupus and covid sparked it and now mom traumatized me so that i never asked for help so now you have lupus literally causing organ failure and i m not going to the hospital my god i wish i died and ducking ofc i lived but not without permanent pain and needing harsh medicine for the rest of my life don t forget about school im at my dad now but guess what he care more about my grade than my physical and mental health so when my grade tanked he yell and guilted me into working harder and i m in the gifted program so i recive a workload nearly x my grade level and now lupus is in the story meaning i can t do school well anymore i have no social life due to being in an enriched class nobody doe anything but work so no friend in fact i got bullied and shoved context if i fall i can t get up due to lupus me around so no suppor there i wa already suicidal before the lupus and now i m in constant agony mentally and physicaly oi i m lesbian and my family is half homophobic and half racist my only friend just us me to get sympathy point for taking care of me nobody even care that every few second it feel like 00 knife are stabbing me that s not hyperbole i am in that much pain that i can not sleep 9 pain make it hard to sleep and no sleep make the pain worse then i get stressed about my grade and then i sleep le and the pain get worse 0 i m just a burden on my family lupus is a very hard condition to live with and it s even harder on dad wallet all i do is just cost him more money my dad yell at me to stop faking when i m having a flash back mom come back electric boogaloo nobody care about how i feel all i do is work work work all day even now i had to lie to dad that i m working in my room to write this my sister fat shame me my dad tell me his grandma had it worse holocaust survivor my nena guilt me into saying i m fine and doing more all dad care about are grade my brother is never there my friend only care about themselves and say they have it worse i just want the pain to stop please i just want it to end i m in constant pain my life is hell and i m in so much pain breathing hurt and there is nothing the doctor can do | 1 |
i m 9 i m in recovery for marijuana addiction i want to quit juuling soon it s making me so depressed and anxious i feel financially insecure i m not happy at my job and oftentimes time i feel suicidal i don t want to rely on med have any of you felt this way and made drastic change and turned it all around this is absolutely the most depressed i ve ever been and i ve never thought about suicide this much before i m seeing a therapist but ultimately i want to start leading a well rounded life with healthy coping mechanism that don t involve health insurance ha anyone ever done this have you gone through a dark era where suicide wa on your mind constantly but then you turned it around need some hope some story that make me think it s possible | 1 |
i don t know i don t know i don t know i really really don t know what is going on and i am very confused and afraid for the last year and some change i have not been able to avoid the constant intense desire to violently commit suicide i fight it by trying to think hard about my family and friend and dog and all the good thing in life i have to life for but i am tired of fighting my own brain this hard every single moment of the day there are many many day where it feel like i reach my absolute breaking point and i think i m going to do it but then if i let a couple of hour go by or smoke some weed i feel fine great even but thats the thing i never really know when that s going to end i don t know the next time i ll feel better or the next time i ll feel this low it just kind of hit me and catch me off guard every single time i have always had intense emotional problem even since early childhood and i recall having suicidal ideation at even like or year old i have been diagnosed a bipolar a year ago but i absolutely believe i have a wild case of bpd i have thought that since high school but only in these recent sophomore and junior year of college have the suicidal ideation have become intense urge it feel like i have tried every other option to try to feel happy better but they all either don t work to work for a short time and eventually fail i ve tried therapy last year for the first time thru my school it wa okay they put me on mg abilify and that helped a bit seemed when i wa on the med i would often joke to myself i m glad im on these med because if i wasn t i wa definitely going to kill myself but i dont take them anymore my mother wa very concerned about all the side effect i wa having random spell of fainting or vomiting and heavily encouraged me to get off it and she also mentioned that maybe my emotional problem were intensified by the sudden condition from covid on a teenager well i wa back then and that everyone wa going through a hard time and that made sense to me so i decided to get off it i dont think i ll be able to afford it anyway after college but thats just some side background info there are time i have blanked and scared myself and that s what make me feel like my life is in danger sometimes there wa a time last year during an episode i just started stabbing my arm repeatedly with my cuticle nipper manicure tool thing it broke the skin but they were all obviously very tiny it always scared me looking back because i think if it wa a razor blade or a knife or something it would have killed me i didn t even know what i wa doing my emotion were so strong and i just started doing it there wa another time this year where during another episode i mindlessly drove to target early in the morning to get a fresh pack of razor blade to cut myself with i did not realize what i wa doing until i got all the way back home and wa trying to figure out how to work the razor blade dispenser it just hit me wow did i really just get in my car drive 0 min to target and buy nothing but razor blade to cut myself and maybe kill myself with this is where i worried i wa getting out of control and might actually do it one day i am scared it is soon i don t want it to be but i am scared it might be the urge is so strong there are time i feel no longer in complete control of my action i am scared i am checking the box for someone who is experiencing a mental health emergency but i don t know if i really am or if im just someone who is overdramatic sensitive life inexperienced privileged and attention seeking there are time i fear that i am being attention seeking and being manipulative with my emotion even when i am alone and express them and don t talk to anyone irl about it that confuses me the most but i can never really be sure which lead me to reddit sometimes i think back on my thought if that make sense and look back at previous question i ve asked and don t know if they are normal or not to a degree i know they aren t but i don t know if it s really that bad i am afraid sometimes that if i do kill myself all these thing along with my search history music taste social behavior substance abuse problem shit i ll admit it etc etc are all indicative of someone who is going to kill themselves i look in the mirror and see someone who is going to kill themselves soon i dont want to do it i dont want to do it i always think to myself am i going to be a suicide statistic are these all the inevitable sign and symptom am i about to be one of the of college student to kill themselves this thought distress me very much i have never attempted suicide before i personally know people and read about people online who have but when they describe their emotion i do not really relate to them it seems a though my condition is never really a serious a theirs like i said i ve never officially tried before these people have so it make me think that whatever crazy shit is going on in my head i just need to get over i wish so desperately that i could do that i think i am just emotionally weak you can go back in my post history and see me weird post some i have hidden to avoid ridicule but i don t know how to get them back i notice people around me always ask if i m okay if i ever accidentally share the slightest tip of the iceberg of my feeling with them and the comment i get on reddit post telling me that i should seek professional help immediately i wa looking on my school s counseling website and they have a whole special section for resource for people who might need immediate help am i really one of those people am i experiencing a mental health emergency do i need to be monitored in a hospital there are time i do feel like i am a potential danger to myself but unlike depressed people i at least am able to feel great sometimes when i hear about people who come back from grippy sock vacation i really cringe at that term but thats what everyone around me seems to use they mention their trauma and abuse and i didn t really have it a bad a them i am just sensitive i come to reddit in desperation i have never known how to express my feeling on this without accidentally guilt tripping or manipulating people so i avoid talking about my feeling with people i know irl outside of therapist do i really need help like hospital help is this an emergency it feel like one but is it really please help me tl dr i dont want to kill myself but i a scared that i might or am i just being a weirdo | 1 |
i researched and it took me min to get a recipe for a combination of different med that will do the trick it will cost me le than a hundred but i m broke af everytime something happens now it just make me feel better because it reminds me that my decision is correct don t need my parent denying therapy but then complaining about my behavior don t need my bfs stupid rule and controlling behavior don t need a place in a world where i m scared of so many people where i m angry at so many people where the rise of feminism tell me that men are overdramatic and whatnot where it s racist to call a dish shitty that s from another culture where people will comment on my look and send deaththreats or call me an internet rambo when i m hiding where there s bully that gave me social anxiety where my autism ha given me a handicap that at this point is out of control where i outzone while driving and almost run over a a dude where i have to understand everyone while nobody understands me i do not need this negativity | 1 |
i ve been on med for a few year now which have worked for the most part up until last year i contracted an illness which gave me stomach problem and the issue ha kind of persisted ever since my health ha never been great eating disorder and weight issue mainly a well a really unsightly skin but this stomach issue ha taken what life i had away and now a much a i m not screaming and cry about wanting to die it almost feel like a logical step at this point i want to live i want to have a life and live it freely to the fullest but i m trapped now in this body and have to cancel most plan i do make if i couldn t work from home i d probably be jobless and the work that is site based i let people down on a lot which i hate i feel like a failed experiment of a human that should just be put in the bin i feel guilty because of the somewhat privilege i do have but that s still not been enough i ve failed myself and now my body is failing me there s also a history of cancer and tumour in my family which make me scared that i ll lose the ability to use my limb just like my mom and i don t have anyone in my life to take care of me like she doe what s the point in just sitting around and waiting for that time to come every week is a fight to get back on track but it s always step forward and or back i m scared to die but i don t feel like i have a choice i m just putting off the inevitable i don t even know the best way to do it i m even too much of a coward there s always been this one little bit of hope holding me back but that light of hope is getting dimmer by the day | 1 |
what to do when depression is so bad you can t function properly i shower every day and i don t brush my teeth once every few week and i fear that it will cause problem in the future i just ate like donut and chip i m not fat btw lol and i can t fucking bring myself to get out of bed i don t know why | 1 |
hello it s getting hard for me i don t know if i m really suicidal or not but i wish i could just not wake up i think about that every night before going to bed and when waking up i hate myself for this i clearly don t have that much problem in life i don t have money problem i have friend i am healthy yet there are time where i just feel so crushed and it hurt so much to keep on living people have it muc worse and they are still doing so much better and i have trouble getting up in the morning and doing simple thing i don t have any hope to find happiness in the future my therapist try to help me and is very nice but it s just not enough i have felt like this for too long it just never end and not existing would just solve it all in the end we all end up dying i don t want to just continue living just to see what it s like i just want to end it sometimes yes it s selfish but i won t be conscious anymore to see myself be sad from my decision anyway yes there are thing that i like in life but honestly when i m in a bad state i don t care anymore i don t look forward to those thing and i just want a realease from the mental pain don t worry tho i don t have the gut to do anything anyway and i m not looking for help or advice i am just rambling and expressing how i m feeling because it make me feel a tiny bit better to let it all out if you read it all well thank you | 1 |
let me explain if you have suicidal thought or behavior technically your not well mentally but if you do drug just time or just for experience it s not a big deal you won t be trapped down watched in a mental hospital taking medication or like abortion it s a woman s body and choice into abort a baby and we should respect their decision but what if a person is cutting or hurting themselves it s a problem even tho it s their decision into doing it but doctor and therapist say it s wrong and something is wrong with them mentally why | 1 |
when i slit my wrist we will see it s a 0 0 at this point | 1 |
for the past week or so i ve been what i can best describe a lonely maybe even despondent i ve been trying to find way to keep myself from having that hole in my chest form again but it keep happening it s so familiar and safe yet it seems to make me feel like i ll forever be alone and dead every memory of my childhood ha been flooding my brain i want it to stop i hate reliving those memory my body feel like it s caked in slime no matter how many time i shower and try to scrub away the feeling of hand on me i can t get them off me i just want them to stop touching me i don t know why i m feeling this way either i saw my friend i ve actually been trying to take care of myself but this feeling keep coming back and pulling down to a bottomless pit of hell i really want to feel better again not like this | 1 |
tired of detail just going to get to the point i have attempted before and lately i ve been feeling like attempting again might try to think of a plan or talk myself out of it idk yet we ll see how life treat me the next few day | 1 |
it s so stupid but my body ache i have never felt so sad before im so emotionally and physically drained i don t care about myself anymore i hate myself and the stupid relationship i wa in it ruined me all i want to do is take a bunch of pill and curl up into a ball i have no friend who i can talk to either im so lonely i don t talk to anyone and i feel so isolated and crazy who knew i would end up like this i feel ashamed i still have the suicide letter i wrote a year ago there s nothing i want to change about it | 1 |
what if one day i just end it all and die then all my effort shall gone wasted those who care about me shall get angry about how i got defeated but everything will end on the day i die it s not hard to kill myself ya know just kill there are so many way i can do that what if i dont want to fight anymore fuck depression imma just give up what if i just let go and go self harm go deep in anorexia idk it s not that hard to let go my effort maybe someday ill die randomly it wont be surprising to anyone i ve been suicidal for so long who know if i just give in to an urge one day boom im dead haha maybe ill be dead by tomorrow maybe after a while maybe after a few week you ll never know you ll never know i ll kill and end it all | 1 |
idk what to do i dont wan na live but i dont wan na live either wtf should i do | 1 |
please don t judge me for what i do or how i m handling my current situation i don t have the capacity to get a job so i m a hooker and i barely get any client sadly i don t even make enough to eat i don t have a place of my own i give whatever i make to roommate so they can afford rent gas grocery etc i dreamed of being a mom and teacher since freshman year i wanted to attend university but my mom forced me out of school at and now i m almost 0 still no education no job nothing i know that this will probably be a rash decision but nobody will really care anyways i have no other way out i am just a street loser like my entire family and like my mom wanted me to be | 1 |
my plan wa to be dead by the end of march i couldn t muster the courage to put the bag over my head and turn the valve so i m just stuck here now left sitting here by myself with all my friend cutoff no car no job no hope not gon na be able to cover my bill this month i m a fucking waste please someone come over here and blow my brain out | 1 |
sorry about the structure being bad in this i just need to write down my thought i genuinely don t see the point in living anymore i might a well just kill myself now and save myself from the bleak future that is coming with climate change war famine and all this other stuff that is going to happen and show no sign of stopping i might a well just kill myself now before it all go horrible the only thing really keeping me from doing it is the thought of my family and how devastating it would be for them to lose their son i m still young i haven t got a guaranteed future what s the point | 1 |
i have bi polar disorder and per my therapisti have dismisive atrachment issue but right now i am struggling probably worse than i have in a while in a drunken fit i deleted almost all of the number in my phone so i had no one to reach out to i even called by sister but found myself hanging up after the first ring because i don t want to bother her i am in a low point right now and i can t pull myself out of it i feel so weak my life is the best it ha ever been i have all of the reason to be happy and yet i am here i right now contemplating feeling like i am at the end of my rope i have the life i have always dreamed of and i just feel like i can t hack it anymore i can feel myself breaking at the seems my thought are everywhere i do y know where i am at right now but i am scared i feel like of i reach out to my family they will say i am doing it for attention | 1 |
i just don t care anymore i don t care what happens anymore just fucking kill me i m done i don t have the will to do this anymore i realize no matter what i do my life will always get worse so i should just do it and get it over with i tried i waited year for it to get better but that s not going to happen my health is shit my mental health is shit and my mind just keep processing way to get the job done i wish i would have drowned asa child because than i wouldn t know this pain and i d have le to leave behind i would have at least had some level of hope before departing but life a bitch and then you die i know the end will come before the end of this year but now i m certain the timeline ha been moved up more like month maybe it will be today maybe tomorrow i don t know yet but i won t see because i have no desire to live that long i don t care anymore this whole world s a poorly written joke anyways where some will struggle till death and others will constantly have thing work out than the asshole will tell you oh it get better well i ve waited long enough and i m done playing this game i don t care anymore i know i have undiagnosed ptsd and i know who is responsible and that they ll never be punished i can barely even get people in my own family to believe me about the cause i m so tired of this world so tired of everything i have no use for a god so i can only ask of nature no matter what label i give it the request is the same please kill me and return me to the earth leaving behind not even a memory erase every trace of my existence and make everyone forget me that is my only wish at this point | 1 |
it s almost funny i don t want you to feel like i m giving up i m just worried that you ll start to resent therapy or resent me | 1 |
for context i m a yr old mom of two kid my daughter is and my son is month i have been struggling with all type of mental illness for a long a i can remember i wa raised by a narcissist alcoholic mom and a dad who wa barely there because he wa working to support u i have attempted to take my life more than time and have been hospitalized for my mental health and nothing seems to help i m in therapy and on med and i am just tired of fighting myself i just want it all to stop my husband is never really home do you work and i m all alone all the time with our kid the only reason i m still alive is because they need me not even because i want to be alive there is nothing enjoyable for me anymore every time i think about it i cry i cry for my kid who deserve a better mom and a better life i cry for my husband who doesn t understand what it s like to feel this way and think i should just be ok i cry because i want it all to end so badly and i can t even do that right i m not still here because i want to be and i feel so much guilt for that i just want to feel normal and sometimes it feel like dying is the only way to make it stop | 1 |
i feel like wanting to die why do i not have friend i feel soo empty lonely i mean i do have a lot of people i talk to on a daily basis but for some reason i feel the need to always have someone almost all the time with me like if i stay alone for hour i feel lonely it is weird i just wish to be happy i don t want to kill myself | 1 |
my imagination is not vivid enough to have faith in god spirit and the afterlife death will come no matter what and when it come your consciousness dissappears you don t feel pain you don t feel happiness you don t feel sadness you feel nothing and you think nothing you simply cease to exist but i respect those who want to live it s futile sure but i respect their decision the thing is if you want to live then you have to be strong in order to make it through all the hardship life throw at you weakling will only hinder the strong there are those who wa weak but then became stronger and then there are those like me who stay weak and doesn t have the will to get stronger my friend my family my relative and my neighbor all do their job despite not really liking them while i m just lying here not wanting to do anything if god actually existed he would be a sadist for putting me in such a strong body i once eat on the same table with two covid 9 patient without catching it or maybe he s also a weakling who can never get thing right my body should ve been used by someone stronger than me like steven hawking then i would kill myself once our body got exchanged he is someone who can actually contribute to the world of the living my death would be that by hanging once i m dead all people have to do is untie the rope and throw me into the fire they won t have to waste time finding my body they won t have to scrape my brain and blood off the wall and i will make sure to write a note telling the police that i have not been murdered by anyone directly or indirectly everyone will go on with their life and maybe forget who i am which is definitely a good thing those thought are like an immortal entity i can do nothing but run away from it by distracting myself with anime meme game novel music self harm that entity however would simply sit down and wait patiently because it know full well that no matter what i do i would still stumble into it hand | 1 |
i just can t take it i didn t even have serious trauma it wa my fault and still i can t get over it it s been three year i said i forgave him for forcing me to have sex so many time so many month so many thing i wa young i didn t know how sex should work i didn t even consider my voice mattered i m so sorry for my younger self i didn t help her and now everything is my fault i just will never be able to love someone again to have any sexual intimacy i miss who i wa romantic passionate innocent i m just starting to realize how everything i do is related to this how can i be so slow the nightmare the panic attack when i feel my voice isn t listened to how i keep getting drunk and letting some random dude fuck me because it give them pleasure if i start it maybe it mean i am in control if i have sex maybe it mean it wasn t such a big deal but i can t take it sober i have only had sex sober once and drunk way too many i hurt so much the day after i try to forget can t take it anymore i can t forget all these people touching me how much they enjoy it i did this myself i let them i wa never raped it s my fault i m this miserable i want to hate those guy i think i do but i let them some people consider they only lost their virginity the first time they actually wanted to have sex it s funny to think i can be a virgin after so many time no one need to read this i m sorry i just need to say it at least once i can never say it up to recently i didn t even believe anything had happened i know i don t deserve any sympathy after how i did this myself i don t need any just hear me out | 1 |
this is it i m sorry but i can t do this anymore i m tired and alone and i used up my resource to help me survive but it s over now i know my ex will be happier without me around and i know he will take care of our cat a i would it s going to suck not being alive anymore but i m done struggling to breathe i m exhausted i m bled dry i hope my friend and family can forgive me | 1 |
i am a late 0 s man in canada i have discovered i am bisexual my friend and family would be shocked i have always been with woman my whole life until last weekend i wa helping a coworker and his wife move we were finished and i needed to use the bathroom before i left when i came out they asked me straight out if i wanted to have sex with them i wa taken aback for sure but i felt my fantasy wa coming true it wa a wondeful experince never had a man give me oral sex before and i returned the favou http favour no r now i feel like my friend and family will reject me and i feel i should just end my life and aviod the hassle my http hassle my life is worthless and i feel after this happened i am done | 1 |
is it somewhat normal that i want to attempt suicide just to prove to myself that i m actually depressed and suicidal and that i m brave and not a coward sometimes i don t think i m even depressed and that i m just feeling very lonely and numb sometimes i feel like i need to do very dangerous thing so that i don t feel weak and like a failure since people much younger than me commit suicide all the time | 1 |
y male so for the last couple of year i ve been sad depressed at first not too bad like just gloomy but progressively stronger but maybe for the last maybe year to year and a half it s gotten pretty dark everything seems meaningless for a little back ground i m in a very healthy relationship my relationship with my parent wa pretty good for the most part up until recently but everything s o k just regular petty thing i grew up an only child spent allot of time alone parent worked day allot love them for it so i ve gotten pretty good at hiding most of anything that s going on all smile and small talk but recently i get this deep deep sadness it almost feel like i m in a vast dark room by myself screaming but it s silent and then i think of a bliss darkness like if only i could keep my eye shut it ll all go away when i feel like this i hide in a dark room usually cry i don t really know why i didn t proof read this i ve never told any one these thing and i feel like if i read it back i m gon na back out and erase it so sorry if it s all messed up | 1 |
i married my fianc from another nationality and moved to his country south korea i ve been here for almost three month and thing have been rough my husband work all day at least 0 hour a day and when he ha free time all we do is fight he s even violent sometimes i am an online teacher and he keep my money he doesn t allow me to get a real job until i learn korean but i am struggling with it i spent all my saving to move in here so literally i have no money we live with his parent and they are nice but at the same time overprotective i don t have freedom to go out they tell me what to eat what to wear they take all the decision in my life i feel controlled and my husband agrees with that also i don t have any friend i don t feel loved by my husband and i don t love him anymore even one of his friend treat me better i am completely alone i told my parent i want to go back home and they said i have to fight for my marriage so no support from them or another family member i think my only way to feel free is dying so i don t know if i can handle this situation anymore | 1 |
i d rather not exist | 1 |
i m so tired of living today i had a lot of panic attack at school and my mom had to come for me hour before the school period ended i feel so worthless today i had a lot class who stress me so much i hate it so much i m tired of living and trying because yes dad i m trying i swear i m trying if only you were more comprehensive and stopped calling me a crybaby and stupid maybe i would feel better | 1 |
so the next fall is deeper and harder to bear each time there s one little glimmer of hope i know that it s ephemeral and could be gone the next day but i can t stop myself from getting lost in it thinking maybe this time it could be real for a while and some time it doe lurking there for a while like just right then but when it s lost it s going down ten time worse than the last and the anxious and unbearable state i m in is urging me to destroy myself even more it s like being locked inside a transparent box full of insect and reptile crawling over me it s slowburn and icky and suffocating i just want to bite my tongue off quick to release myself from the situation but i m still scared of the monstrous pain that act would cause me and if i m not dead immediately it s grotesque i made a first post here a while ago just to let it out i don t think anyone would care but i got called a very nasty stupid word like i m always afraid would happen if i even complain in real life so i don t even want to talk about it right now i just can t take any more anxiety i don t even want to think about it and write them down anyway same shit all over again why don t i get used to it when it keep happening am i that weak it s like how dare you have depression and suicidal attempt if your life look like you re having a fucking blast believe me it s all a big facade i m putting up so i could delay the speed of this horrible decay inside me to feel a bit bearable to last one more day but nowadays i just stop giving a fuck and destroy everything in my life and lock myself inside my room i use humor and shit to cope so i think at least there s one good thing coming from this right now is that i couldn t eat a thing so i m getting thinner to bone and skin like i always wish and if i die right now i could look prettier than ever before i m glad you read until now and i do appreciate that it make me feel a bit bearable for now my anxiety level keep shooting through the roof i just try really really hard to not harm myself and fall to the pit again | 1 |
i have no one to tell this so i want to throw it here maybe i will delete it my mind kill me but i just wanted to let some guy see what i struggle with my entire life i wa a disgrace i am not able to run like others to shitty reflex an ugly body a weak brain had a terrible social life that my entire life i dreamed about being noticed by the people smiling finding some people that can bear my voice what flow from my mouth but thats the long story i wanted to move out of my country to europe but i failed again just like i failed my entire life i am just a simple failure not successful at one simple thing i am just lost i am just late no where to go i have to leave the home i am losing my youth i don t remember laughing once for month i have nothing i am nothing it hurt so much watching your youth slipping away from your hand the only thing i have one and only now i want to end my life atleast it will al end i just want to escape i am just so weak i cant take it anymore i cant a weak sperm i wa not even able to compete in equal condition when were same age same class now i am just done it hurt so much i also have to leave the house stay with nothing again i cant take my abusive parent anymore i am also very ashamed that i waste their money too many people in worse condition were able to accomplish atleast simple task me who even i am i wish i just could move on think about something else but no even in that i am bad i am just a clown people remember me a someone hillarious i am planning to kill myself i cant take all that anymore | 1 |
ironically my fear of loneliness is what kill my healthiest friendship in the end i love the world so much i really do enjoy being alive sometimes but it s not worth the time when i feel like everything is crashing down on me that s been every day lately on and off for year my greatest fear is being a burden on other people and i m a burden on everyone i know i ve had bad patch before and thing got better but knowing there will be a bad patch again make the joy feel empty i m so stupid i am trying to arrange thing so they hurt everyone a little a possible i know this will hurt many people i love i feel like such an evil person i cry too much i m cry writing this i wish i wa stronger and not so afraid all the time | 1 |
i thought i would kill myself but i freed myself instead i went to a crisis center now i am taking a stand and speaking my truth i am telling everybody about the abuse i suffered a a child my entire family is against me but i am standing strong anyway god made me unbreakable and all of you too you just have to find a way to believe believing in myself wa the hardest thing i had to learn how to do but it can be done and i love you all | 1 |
lasy year or so i ve been telling myself i dont know what to do i stopped playing video game i stopped watching youtube i stopped watching netflix i just play random phone game that isnt me i ve literally thought about how cult kinda give people reason im smart enough to not join a cult will i always have the will though im losing it daily i want reason i dont have reason no reason at all to do anything i have a job it isnt nice i want to quit i want reason | 1 |
after these few day i ve slowly started to realize something i m a living bad omen i have so many issue i m so mentally ill so many disability my life ha never been the slightest bit normal nothing is ever easy i m stuck in an asian household i m probably gon na forcefully get married be a housewife and get forced to have child i m not even a woman but this is a very religious country that belief what you are is what gender your assigned at birth i did fall in love really hard but he s across the world from me his mom hate me and everyone is against our relationship and i m causing him more harm than anything and he keep trying regardless to be with me i hate that i feel so bad because i m not worth it and it s not going to amount to anything these few day proved to me that i just have to accept that my life wa meant to be a misery so many problem so many illness cant even go to school i ve already attempted today didn t work i wasn t strong enough so now i m just injured i ve got absolutely nothing going for me i m just wasting my parent money for food and clothes they just wanted a normal kid who can make them proud i can t even leave the fucking house i can barely even see god decided to give me every single bit of ugliness there is in the world and i m slowly starting to accept that i wa rebelling against it for awhile i can still amount to something the world can t hate me forever but i know it isn t true i wish i could pas in my sleep or be able to get a noose to tie on my ceiling fan waking up every day is an absolute misery for me and i m just causing more pain to everything and everyone around me imagine living a life where you can t even look in the mirror that s me i have never once willingly looked in the mirror god won t give me anything and i ve stopped expecting anything at this point death is my only savior because life hold nothing for me only failure hatred instability and vulnerability | 1 |
i now think about suicide constantly i feel like it is my only option in the long term i will never finish school and be able to hold down a job i will never be able to be stable enough to give my wife child i can t live up to anything anyone expects of me i am stuck though my death would be a catastrophe in my wife s life and my brother s life and i have a few friend who would be devastated a well also and i really hate to say this but the biggest reason i can t is because i can t leave my dog with anyone else he is very attached to me and no one else and would be very unhappy without me so i am stuck i can t function despite 0 year of trying medication and therapy i have no will to live except not to hurt people around me i hate this | 1 |
there s just so much and i can t bear all of it and god there s the dumb bullshit that hurt me too like being ugly horrifyingly utterly hideous i get disgusted and want to vomit or scream whenever i look at myself in the mirror i just want to press a button and die | 1 |
i wish i could just be normal and happy i have no friend and can t work i am just so tired of everything constant letdown and failure i cry and throw up over the littlest thing i barely even go out anymore cause when i do i see group of friend laughing and talking people will never understand | 1 |
this so called life changing drug ruined my life permanently it gave me permanent sexual issue some sort of emotional issue there seems to be no recovery from this ive never been like this before i only had anxiety it a syndrome called pssd from ssri whats hope amp x 00b amp x 00b | 1 |
i am so alone in this world and it is such a pain it s so hard for me to function properly it seems everything is a trigger to me now loud noise well any noise being around people talking everything make me want to relapse im gaining weight which ha never happened i m so ashamed and embarrassed yesterday i ate so much i couldn t even stand up straight and had terrible stomach cramp and felt like vomiting i even started to have chest pain too whether i eat or starve myself it seems i am still digging myself into a grave so tired of people asking me if i m in college and then telling me i need to go when i respond no i am not in college why do people feel entitled to tell me who to be and what to do with my stupid fucking life i can t even take care of myself how the hell am i supposed to balance a job and college im sick i have nobody that love me and i believe that s part of the problem the thing i hate the most is when i hear others talk about how they are lonely too meanwhile they have friend and a family to turn to i m so sick and tired of people lying to me i can t believe this is the best life ha to offer me i m so embarrassed my life wa over such a long time ago if i killed myself now there would be no big difference everything and everyone will go on | 1 |
i broke up with my so and honestly i think that wa the last thing keeping me from wanting to end thing and it felt like it came out of nowhere without even a chance to fix thing i feel so alone i barely have any friend left everyone from high school moved on everyone from college moved away i ve always had trouble with friend and every time i think i make them they get stripped away or i just become a periphery friend who never get added to the group chat i feel incapable of functioning a a normal human and i can t handle being alone my job is remote so i can t even make work friend i can t be completely by myself day a week it feel like solitary confinement i got an adhd diagnosis recently but my therapist doesn t even talk about my emotional issue they just focus on if the medication is helpful it is i don t know how to ask for help with anxiety and depression my family ha been distant and i don t know how to talk to them about this stuff my mental health always got ignored growing up compared to other member of my family even though the adhd stuff wa super clear in retrospect because of the adhd i ended up a shell of myself a a coping mechanism and that drive people away every relationship end badly or shrivels up and dy i m failing at my job and might have to quit or get fired because i m week behind my pet is dying i didn t renew my lease because i thought i d be moving with my ex to a new city so now i don t even have an apartment for the fall and potentially am still moving there because i need to get away from where i am right now and i have a lease i could sign which is definitely not the healthiest choice and there s some really bad trauma that i don t even want to mention here that alone could drive someone to feeling like this when i told my ex how i wa feeling they ignored it even though they were the first person i ever told i felt that way i ll make sure to tell them it isn t their fault but to be honest it definitely added to thing i don t even need them back i just wanted someone to help me get the therapy i need literally everything in my life need to start fresh and i can t do it i don t see the point why start literally everything over when you re haunted by the ghost of your past and will end up doing the same shit i m not ugly dumb or out of shape but if my personality just stay so shitty and i can t fix it what s the point my building ha a th story roof i can get on i m gon na climb up and jump off when i get the courage i have some text already written out telling people it isn t their fault i set my bank up to donate to a local animal shelter i cleared my browsing history and threw out anything weird from my apartment i went up last night but only didn t do it because i got cold the only thing stopping me is how awkward the funeral would be and the pain i d cause my parent and honestly i don t think that s enough | 1 |
i can t take my ocd and thing i ve done like played virtual game and had a male friend i feel like a terrible girlfriend also i can t take living here with my parent at almost year old they re abusive mentally but they re right i m never gon na make it in life | 1 |
i ll have all the equipment by thursday i ve worked out how much rent to send my flatmate to cover a couple month i m getting rid of my clothes by the end of the week i ve written some letter and am going to print out a sheet of my important detail i m dreading it so much but i also can t wait time feel so slow and agonising and every time i fall asleep i think what a waste it is to be unconscious and not die in that comfort i don t feel like anyone will miss me but the hard part is i don t want anyone to have to deal with any admin i don t want anyone to have to plan anything it ll be good to go but i hate the fact that someone will have to clean after me i wish i could just disappear instead life is really hard and i don t know how people do it i never understood how people make friend or fall in love or make other people like them i watch people learn to hate me and i don t know what i m doing wrong or how to stop it i ve been alone for my life even my parent didn t want me and i ll be alone for the rest of it if i stay alive i wish i had something good to offer that people liked but i don t know what anyone want or how to give it to them i don t know what they hate either apparently because i m giving them that without even realising | 1 |
my life is essentially perfect i have a good family great friend loving pet and a fantastic home with opportunity galore but i still want to end it all to take that trip down a road that i can t come back from in theory i should not be sad but i am and nothing help people in this world starve to death and some of my friend don t even have parent left because of terrible accident but something a simple a having a slightly bad day make me want to give up how do they keep going after such awful event i am not even worthy of feeling sad about my life let alone end it why do i feel selfish enough to feel this way and to act a if i should be allowed to be depressed | 1 |
i want to hurt myself to feel the suffer and hate towards myself for the pain i want to cry so hard i choke and get one of the worst death i want to regret when it s to late so it could hunt me down when i m dying i despise myself and want the worste for me but since i m too pathetic i will not do it also i feel like the only way to see a psychiatric is to survive death i want a dig i want more med i want stronger one | 1 |
i am just a kid with a deformity i am in such constant misery i have no friend and i dont even feel human all i do is get made fun of and i cant take it anymore i just want to end it | 1 |
i feel so lonely and empty nothing fill that hole i have to live in a fantasy in my head to try and get some love and appreciation but a soon a i come back to reality all of it is gone i want this life to end i can t take it anymore | 1 |
age nojob sleeping thinking of suicide | 1 |
feel so alone and alienated i think about hanging myself everyday and it s getting more realistic everytime i imagine it in my head i ve never been the type of person to turn to suicide but i literally have nobody i can turn to and talk to every single person i thought would be there turned out to be selfish self centered people and i ve expressed my thought about suicide and none of them care i feel like they won t until it s too late and even then they will feel relieved i don t even ask for much but i guess just being there while i fix myself is just asking too much i ve googled suicide by hanging and found out it only take seven minute to die by hanging don t even have to do it standing up either i could take a couple pill and put the noose around my neck and lay down with enough pressure on the rope to drift off to whatever is next and all i wanted wa for someone to say that my feeling matter that i matter i don t really think at this point there is any other way to stop all the hurt inside me i ve lost everything in the last year and a half that i hold near and dear to my heart i ve wrote out suicide letter to my loved one and got my retirement account going to them a well i guess subconsciously i ve been planning this out for close to a year now that i think about it i just don t understand how i didn t see how fake the people i surrounded myself and built a foundation for my life l i feel stupid and blind and used up and tossed out like yesterday trash i feel like nowhere is home anymore and my heart break for my kid but i rarely get to see them anyway who know maybe i ll actually get the ball and just do it haven t set a date or anything like that because fuck that i feel it is going to be very sudden and out of nowhere just here one minute and gone the next i never in my whole life though i would get to this point but whatever thanks for listening i appreciate whoever read this post taking the time | 1 |
all my colleague hate me im just so clumy and stupid spilt a bunch of milk on the floor second time this ha happened and it went on my colleague shoe and she made a sarcastic comment about it and then her and the other guy i work with were looking like they were talking about me afterwards i cant do anything right this and everything else thats going on really is not helping the suicidal thought | 1 |
please help me i don t want to kill myself but the world ha nothing to offer me nothing that s making me want to keep going i m terrified of death but i don t know if that s reason enough to keep going if i m going to die anyway maybe i should speed up the process already save the world the trouble because the world clearly doesn t want me i m not even a real girl i m ugly and i m not good enough at anything everybody else is so much better than me people would rather be with each other instead of me i m so forgettable but i don t want to be death is permanent isolation permanent darkness permanent loneliness and that s not what i want but i don t think me being alive is what the world want i feel like i m always the last person anybody would ever want to see at any given moment i don t want it to be that way but everybody else doe i ve tried so hard to find reason to keep going they never work they never last people leave me behind everything stop being fun people stop playing with me i m excluded from everything i m not good enough to make it in this world everything about me is wrong nothing i do is good enough i want to keep going but i have no reason to do so nobody is waiting for me nobody is coming to rescue me i have nothing why should i keep going if i m going to die anyways i m begging you for an answer because i have none | 1 |
i m thinking about killing myself since i m almost did it time and had multiple breakdown the last year i m now and nothing changed but i want to get better how do i tell my parent i really need some advice please | 1 |
i don t mean just dating wise either i ve been rejected by my family friend and pretty much everyone else last month though i went out with a girl for v day and started dating her and very recently she said she wasn t interested in me anymore and today i found out she wa already dating another person this is the second time in a row i ve been cheated on and my suicidal thought are going crazy now i just need to type this out to calm myself down i hate this i just want someone to truly love me for once whether friend or family it feel like my whole existence wa just a mistake my life suck and i just want to die right now fuck | 1 |
i can t do shit at this point i m spending all of my time desperately trying to find somebody who would be slightly interested in me i m really only living off my hope and scrap of imaginary satisfaction thinking that one person might be liking me for example i m so done living like this why should my biggest need also be the least satisfiable what do i do with my life | 1 |
why the absolute f ck is this world so f cked up every single day i see a bunch of fake as people and a shitty world nobody give a f ck about anyones feeling they just say whatever make them look cool perants don t give a shit because they didn t live with this friend or suppose to be friend are fake and don t give a shit i m the guy who walk in the back of the crowd when there s not enough room on sidewalk and i m done with this shit f ck the world f cl everyone who had made me who i am i hope you re happy | 1 |
all the title are relateable but all the comment are like same life suck i m currently writing my note this is just another stop before the end though i seriously doubt there is anything that can be done i ve tried every medical treatment available including experimental one been through so much therapy and i m getting nowhere there is no beating this depression and on paper i have the perfect life great job loving partner supportive parent people would kill for this life and for me it s not enough the problem is me always been me which is why nobody outside can help you can t fix what is working a intended so yeah nobody is here to actually prevent so i guess that s another note they could find after i m done | 1 |
i m m and i now have no one i can trust i don t know if my life is even worth living i don t know what i want to do with my life i just don t want to be here anymore but i can bc of my dad he would miss me to much i m a awful person and should be around anymore | 1 |
i had never even thought of suicide before because i wa too shielded from the real world and i thought that it something people do only in the most horrible situation it started when i wa at school speaking to a kid i knew only because she wa a friend of a friend we we re laughing about something when i saw the scar on her hand which couldn t have happened naturally it freaked me out to see that a kid my age with a similar background would resort to self harm and attempt suicide then i started failing in test each time i felt really low i came closer and closer to killing myself i now know how to tie a noose and what height i need to jump from in order to die at this rate i won t survive till my th birthday | 1 |
i ve lost everything i lost my best friend a community of people who were my only social outlet i m a failure i m i ve never been in a relationship i couldn t graduate college i m stuck working at a job which doesn t pay enough for me to afford rent so i have to live with my retirement age parent i can t find a job anywhere else i started cutting myself today never did it a a teenager but i did it now and it feel great i don t want to die but i don t see any other solution i can not afford help to me being in debt is worse than death i ve lost so much i can t go on | 1 |
i don t know what i deserve anymore but i guess it s all about the pain | 1 |
i m so sick of being in a state of breakdown and every hotline i call treat me like dogshit hang up on me like nobody fucking care and i can t take rejection after rejection after fucking rejection when nobody s ever accepted me for who i am or loved me even once all i ever do is fuck up and nobody forgives even my tiny mistake they all fucking hate me and i m sick of everyone being disgusting or selfish little slimebags get a fucking life and fuck off and quit making mine worse just because you aren t shit i can t take it i really can t take it i mean really i wa beaten nearly to death and i get hotline idiot telling me to be quiet and quit cursing like fuck you fuck you to the bastard death you useless asshole doe anyone have a shred of empathy i don t give a fuck i just wish someone gave a shit | 1 |
very recently my life ha been treating me absolutely horribly and i haven t been able to see anyone i ve loved or my irl crush for a week and a half now and it driving me insane because i just want to see them and i ve done nothing but sit in my room in bed and die for a week straight and i can t leave my house because i have covid btw it like i get to watch everyone else in my life go on and do the thing they ve wanted to while i m stuck in bed trying to take my life or just sleep but it never work and it never help my back ha been hurting for the longest time and i don t know if it normal or not but i can t seem to stand up straight and when i do it hurt and it hurt to walk i just want to sleep and do nothing else | 1 |
i had a chick year ago a baby chicken to be exact im in the middle of mental life family probs that time i dont want to talk about it long story short when i wa a split second away from jumping off the chair i heard my chick chirping so loud and i rethought my decision that day my chicken died last year but leaf me some egg now i own a poultry farm dedicated to her name thank you so much chichi | 1 |
i feel like i can t believe i m really going to do it i ll do trial run before to see how it go but i m relieved in a way and terrified in another way | 1 |
why am i always suicidal | 1 |
hello guy first time posting here i hope everyone is doing alright at this time i just found out my friend ha committed suicide a year ago first let me give some background my friend is such a gentle loving soul and very devoted to his religion jehovah s witness he is not the most social person around bit awkward and also had plenty of issue in the past mentally due to a rough upbringing we were good friend he d always give me encouragement and just be there for me for anything i wa cut off from the religion due to myself realizing and developing my own belief i don t have a grudge towards the religion or anything like that despite being cut off and not being able to socialize with anyone from that religion cu it s the rule also i felt awkward and embarrassed that i am cut off therefore i did not have the courage to face my friend a year passed i m on a skiing trip with my brother i asked how my friend is doing since he sometimes still go to their church so i figured he d know something he told me he passed away a year so from suicide i am shocked from the news i can t seem to comprehend or accept the fact he seemed to be very devoted to his faith and committing suicide is one of the thing that are forbidden also i feel like trash for being a horrible friend and not even checking in on him at all or at least tried to due to my insecurity my mind ha been in shamble i don t know how to make amends i don t know if i can see the parent they d just be like so now you care where were you thr whole time etc etc i wa hoping to visit his grave but he wa cremated and ash were spread somewhere now all i can think of is his obit picture smiling but i can see there s so much hurt inside that broken smile | 1 |
i have been having really strong thought about killing myself the last month especially the last three day i don t think i want to die but i don t want to be here anymore i m really scared i have a little boy and i can t leave him alone but i feel like i can t go on like this i suck at everything my job my life being a mother i m in debt i feel like noone care i can t see a way out i m scared | 1 |
i can t do it anymore i don t want to talk to anyone because i keep backtracking myself into thinking i m over exaggerating i have no social skill constantly feel like everyone around me would be better off without me better yet everyone but my parent wouldn t notice they ll hurt the most and that s what i hate so much i wish i could just not wake up tomorrow and not feel like this again i m tired of everything school is shit i want to make them proud but i just cant | 1 |
i lost a coworker to suicide i wa the last person he talked to at work i wonder if that ha made me think about ending it after what happened a i explained in my post about me be bisexual the leap to this mind set did not seem a far any comment would be good it http good it feel so scary bein g in this mindest | 1 |
there is no real deep rooted reason i want to commit suicide i just feel so blah my life feel meaningless i keep seeing myself make the same mistake i feel trapped in a cycle i keep wondering when will i ever gain self control with money and time when will i ever let go of the past when will i ever grow up i do indeed have the mean to do it but i don t fully have the incentive | 1 |
gon na probably be really long im sorry since saturday i have a really horrible fucking mood i can not explain tomorrow i have to study chemistry i have a test on friday go to my therapist which make me cry so fucking hard and is probably one of the major reason why i want to end myself the thing is i cant fucking do it im too scared of death but i feel like i just cant escape i just want to be fucking normal my problem are fucking bizzare and they ruin my whole life but yeah i wan na keep them to myself and wait but then i feel like my whole life ruined but i cant km it just all so fucked up and idk what to do i also have no friend and no way of finding any so that just make it worse in the end im just so fucking confused idk what to do thanks for reading this if anyone did ig | 1 |
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