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Nidhogg-zh

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Multi-Questioner_Dialogue

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[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "And he doesn’t have to use it for research, he can do whatever he wants with it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, good, maybe he can build a nicer bridge to live under." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I’m pushing play." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "A minute." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "If we don’t start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "This would go a lot faster if you put your trade school diploma to work and helped me set up this high frequency tone generator." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I have a Masters degree from M.I.T." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, but you’ve got a can-do attitude and that’s what’s important." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And unfriend Leonard Hofstadter." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Here’s a radical thought. Go old-school, challenge Stuart to a fight. I mean, nothing makes the ladies hotter than two skinny white guys swatting at each other with their eyes closed." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And unfriend Howard Wolowitz." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Your argument is lacking in all scientific merit. It is well established Superman cleans his uniform by flying into Earth’s yellow sun, which incinerates any contaminate matter and leaves the invulnerable Kryptonian fabric unharmed and daisy fresh." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "What if he gets something Kryptonian on it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Like what?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I don’t know. Kryptonian mustard." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I think we can safely assume that all Kryptonian condiments were destroyed when the planet Krypton exploded." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "That doesn’t count. Do over! Do over!" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "There are no do-overs in Wii bowling." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "There are always do-overs when my people play sports." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Where were you that’s more important than Wii bowling night?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Of course. We’re coming as the Justice League of America." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Switching it up from last year when we came as the Justice League of America." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "To that point, it occurs to me that we might have an opportunity to finally snare Best Group Costume if we shore up our weak link, which is clearly Leonard as Superman." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I told you before, bears are terrifying." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Come on, bath stuff, it’s perfect! You got a scented candle, a cleansing buff, spearmint and green tea scented bath oil, promotes relaxation." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That presupposes Penny is tense." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors. Overuse of the words ’tis and ’twas. And the absurd custom of one stocking. Everyone knows socks belong in pairs. Who uses one sock?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Pirate with a peg leg?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Actually that helps, thank you." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I walk up to the large chest, bury my face in it and go “blublublublublublublublu”" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I open the chest." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "So right now, this button-press event is just triggering a dummy procedure call…" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "How about this for the app name? The Surprisingly Helpful Equation-Linked Differential Optimized Numerator." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The objective of the competition is to give correct answers, if I know them, why shouldn’t I give them?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Some of us might have the correct answers too." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh please, you don’t even have a PhD." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "All right, we’ve got a titanium dead bolt and a reinforced jamb controlled by a state-of-the-art electronic access system." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What if they cut the power?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Hear him out. If he’s really on to something, we can open a booth at Comic-Con, make a fortune." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "See, my initial approach to Kripke, had the same deficiencies as those that plagued Stu the Cockatoo, when he was new at the zoo." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Good choice, Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and calls out for Dr Watson." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wait a minute, I’d want to see that too." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "You take this one. I spent an hour last night on how do vampires shave when they can’t see themselves in the mirror?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other. Case closed." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "And with all these new skills, you’d be able to fix any model train. You’d be the king of the train store." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excuse me. I have a girlfriend. I’m already king of the train store." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I’m warning you, I was judo champion at math camp." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Alright, that’s enough juvenile squabbling, stop it, stop it I say. I’m going to settle this right now. Neither of you are good enough for my sister." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "We’re betting to see if Koothrappali can hold his breath longer than the disk can spin." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Its weight and smoothness, along with the slight concavity of the mirror, means it can spin for a long time." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "In the paintball shed! Twice!" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is that why you didn’t cover our escape and let us get cut down like animals?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Oh, yeah, sorry about that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My good man, dereliction of duty in the face of the enemy is a court-martial offense." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not going to pay a fine. That would imply I’m guilty." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "You are guilty. (Raj’s shirt plays the gavel sound from Law & Order) That one I liked." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I am not guilty. I only have a learner’s permit, Penny was the teacher. When the light turned yellow she said go, go, go, so I went, went, went." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Howard?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Wow. Uh, Stan Lee, or you in court? Uh, if this was Sophie’s Choice it would’ve been a much shorter movie. No." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Raj? You’ll be there, won’t you? (Shirt plays “incorrect” quiz sound) All right, then, my so-called friends have forsaken me. So, I guess it’ll just be me and my eyewitness." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Hawaii is a former leper colony on top of an active volcano where the disappointing ending to Lost was filmed. Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "How about Florida? They’ve got Cape Canaveral, they’ve got Disney, they’ve got my Aunt Ida and the world’s largest collection of diabetic candy. Plus, if you get sweaty enough, her plastic-covered furniture is like a flume ride." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My family took a trip to Florida when I was a child. A seagull stole a hot dog from me on the beach. I got the message." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Which is stronger than ever. This is about you trying to change my environment, which was perfect the way it was." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "But it got the way it was through change. The-the-the spot that you love to sit in, that no one else can sit in, only exists because, despite your objections. I bought this couch. Me. So explain why that change was bad and this change was good." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Um." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Okay, Raj, hand me the number six torque screwdriver." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Stop. We can’t do this, it’s not right." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, absolutely not. You can’t afford to hire someone who’ll forbid you from spending your money on foolish expenses. That is a foolish expense, and I forbid it." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "What if there’s someone who just likes controlling other people and stealing joy from their lives?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He sounds like a sociopath." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Eddie Crispo. Anyway, he said this isn’t a replica. It’s the real deal." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "If you’re suggesting that that is the actual ring of power forged by Sauron in Mount Doom, I look at you with an expression of exhaustion and ever so slight amusement." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She’s gonna hate waiting in line for the panels." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "And hate all the crowds at the panels." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She’s gonna hate the panels." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You don’t get it, do you? That’s a mockingbird. Mockingbirds can change their song, which means he’s out of tune on purpose. He’s mocking me. Oh dear. There it is again. Do you feel it?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "The growing realization that you are one wacky bastard? Yep." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. The vibration. We are directly underneath the geology lab, and they’re running their confounded sieve shakers again. Hey, gravel monkeys, if you need to shake rocks, try jiggling your heads around!" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Well, I guess, as an engineer, I lean towards execution. I spend my days trying to take ideas and make them real." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well said, old chap. I thought eloquence had died, here it stands before us. Starting today, it’ll go Gettysburg Address, I have a dream, and what he just said." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Hey, Raj, wanna see a new magic trick I’ve been working on?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Howard, if I may interject here with a piece of friendly advice. Is working on magic tricks really how you want to spend your time? Granted, you’re just an engineer, but that doesn’t mean you might not someday build a geegaw or a thingamabob that may get you a thank you in someone else’s Nobel prize acceptance speech." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s not cool. It’s a childish trick designed to confuse and intrigue simpletons. How’d you do it?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "A magician never reveals his secrets. But surely a future Nobel prize winner can figure it out." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fine. Give me a second." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "We can’t. It says on their Web site, as long as we work there, they have a controlling ownership of anything we come up with." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Great, so they own my idea for a T-shirt that says Dumb as a Bag of Geologists." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Well, they’re actually pretty excited. I’m their most famous alum. If you don’t count the serial killer who ate all those prostitutes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "This must feel pretty good for you, coming back to your alma mater as an astronaut." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Actually, I’m thinking about this one stripper named Vega. But sure, calcium sulphate could work." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Let’s think out of the box for a moment. How about a molecular sieve?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, another market to expand into, balding gay men." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "And I’ll bet lesbians love Bluetooth." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "We should get to work." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Whoa! Somebody’s auctioning off a jewelled ostrich bridle!" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. Glenn’s was leather. He was a simple ostrich. Is! Is, I haven’t given up hope." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Gentlemen, the most interesting thing just happened with this spoon." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Unless it was singing Be Our Guest, I doubt it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, I picked it up without thinking about it. Which raises a neuroscientific question, when did I decide to pick it up?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Yeah. No one can hide from me, not Waldo, not Carmen San Diego, not even topless Natalie Portman." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’ve never said these words before, but good job, Howard!" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Thanks. Our culprit is one Mr. Todd Zarnecki, 2711 Ocean View Road, Carlsbad, California." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The name and the address drip with evil." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Also, tonight’s the Sabbath and my mother and I have a tradition of lighting the candles and" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fine. Leonard?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What? No! Again, it’s not the Wesley Crushers. It’s the Wesley “Crushers.”" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "You know, if you want it to mean you’re crushing Wesley, it’d be the “Wesley” Crushers." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Do you people even hear yourselves? It’s not the Wesley Crushers. It’s not the “Wesley” Crushers. It’s the Wesley “Crushers.”" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Really? Are you familiar with the Drake Equation?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values such as those stars with planets, and those planets likely to develop life? N equals R times FP times NE times FL times FI times FC times L?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "But Batman is a man. You’re talking about a man who would have the powers of a man. That’s just Man-Man." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, isn’t Man-Man just Man?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’ll tell you exactly what you should do, avoid the presumption of the Terran sensory input paradigm." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Yeah, absolutely. You need a device capable of delivering information across a wide range of perceptual modalities." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Any intelligent organism would at the very least need the ability to locate the position of objects in space. So the ideal interstellar lingua franca would be haptic." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Hang on. Not that your song isn’t terrible, it is. but how do you mention bats and leave out sonar?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You didn’t let me finish. And also regarding the bat, it has sonar." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Yeah, I made an adjustment on the motor drive and when I was putting it back together I could not for the life of me figure out where they went." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I did it. Had to go to three clothing stores, but we finally found a dress that could envelop your mother." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I should have sent you to the custom car cover place in Altadena. They have her pattern on file." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Humorous. Now will you please present my paper to Professor Hawking?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "The plaque they sent up on the Pioneer probe had a drawing of a naked man and woman on it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, I never cared for that. It’s advertising to predator races just how soft and squishy we are." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "No wonder they beat us, they’re jocks." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What happened to me? I used to excel at these things." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Kids are always better at video games." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I don’t like it." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "It’s gonna fail after about ten flushes." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But the mission is for six months." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Yeah, see, that’s the code red. It’s kind of like a jack-in-the-box, no one knows exactly when, but at some point something way worse than a puppet is gonna pop out of that box." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Have you notified NASA?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Hold on, you can go to the comic book store when man can once again safely poop in space." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Why does Leonard get to go?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Damn right it’s heavy, it’s my mother’s meat loaf, it’s been testing toilets for generations." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I must say, Howard, I think a detailed letter to MIT describing your current circumstances might entitle you to a refund on your master’s degree." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Okay, simulated zero-gravity human waste disposal test with meat loaf analog in three, two, one. (Switches flush. Meatloaf hits ceiling.)" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fascinating." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "And it’s hard, isn’t it? So the key is, the moment one ball is at the top of its arc, you toss the next one. Hmm?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay, I think I got that." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Okay, I think I’ve narrowed it down to a faulty pin on the onboard communication chip." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Very impressive. You know, when you’re done with that, can you look at this? It doesn’t make smoke anymore." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "One toy at a time." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Mm. Sorry. Ah, maybe it’s for the best. I hear locomotive smoke is the second leading cause of death among train aficionados." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Phase two, we test it, perfect it, and hope to live long enough to see the movie based on our lives starring more attractive versions of us." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, I’ll definitely live long enough. Vitamin C." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moon burn is a real possibility." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "That’s a bazinga, right?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "One of my best, don’t you think?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "The dragon falls from the sky, crashing into the volcano." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yay!" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "But wait., he’s not dead. He crawls out, spreads his wings and prepares to attack." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, uh, wait. Doesn’t he say something first? You know, maybe in the voice of a beloved celebrity?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Fine. (Christopher Walken voice) You’d think, after all these years, I’d know not to fly over volcanoes. I’m a freaking idiot." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The dragon’s Christopher Walken. That’s perfect." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Make all the jokes you want, but there’s only one of us here brave enough to almost do what I almost did." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ah, much better." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Preparing to fire laser at the moon." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Make it so." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Okay, here we go. You find yourselves face-to-face with two hulking ogres. What are you doing in our dungeon? You shall die!" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay, literal goose bumps. Look." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Alright, just a few more feet, and…. here we are gentlemen, the Gates of Elzebub." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good lord!" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "This is a state-of-the-art simulator. I adapted it from something a friend of mine designed for the army." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Is that why I appear to be in downtown Fallujah, behind the wheel of an up-armored Humvee?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I haven’t configured it yet. Let’s see… Bradley tank… transport truck…  Batmobile…" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ooh!" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I bet they love Scrubs." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What’s not to love?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "So who wants to rent Fiddler?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No need, we have the special edition." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I see what’s happening. Sides are forming. Well, if Bernadette’s on Amy’s team, I pick Howard." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I’m not taking sides." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fine, I guess I’m stuck with Raj." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I don’t see anything." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Give it a second to load. Whenever you’re ready, AT&T! Okay, here we go. This is us here. To the south is Professor Loomis and the Geology Department. According to their Twitter feed, they’re out of sunblock, which means they’ll have to hug the tree line or risk melanoma. That’s our edge. All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge, the rock-worshipping pasty-faced bastards won’t know what hit them. All right, let’s move out." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Funny. We’re always giving each other a hard time up here. It’s kind of like being in a frat. You know, joking, kidding around, hurting feelings." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay, my turn. Let me talk to him." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I’d hit that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’d hit particulate soil on a colloidal suspension. Mud." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Under the terms of my roommate agreement with Leonard, I’ve had unilateral control of the thermostat ever since the sweaty night of ’06." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Okay, you were right about Wolverine and bone claws, but you’re wrong about the cricket." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Howard, don’t embarrass yourself, the science chirps for itself. Humorous word play." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "And my cousin’s a lawyer." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "We don’t need Howard’s cousin. No, we have me." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I’m thinking about getting my doctorate, and he wants to teach. Why not?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, Howard. I appreciate the gesture, but this is a graduate-level physics class. I don’t think you’d understand a single thing I was talking about." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Oh, that’s cute. Like it’s a real college." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s amusing, I was going to say that about M.I.T., but it works for Princeton, too." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, I know, but plenty of things are addictive after a single exposure. I mean, crack cocaine, nicotine, Pringles. You know once one pops one just can’t stop." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "You can’t develop a problem that fast." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You want to bet? Oh, great, now I’m addicted to gambling." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I don’t care. Get the Tardis." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes! This party just became a major rager." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay. If you think being nice will get him to shut up, I’ll try it." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "You know what, guys? Never mind. I just won’t talk about the greatest achievement of my life ever again." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Look at that, the problem solved itself." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "This is the worst cobbler I’ve ever eaten. I mean it tastes like it was made of actual ground-up shoemaker." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Amusing. A play on the two meanings of cobbler." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Not challenging? I was humiliating the man. I was thinking of writing a book called A Brief History of the Time I Made Stephen Hawking Cry Like a Little Girl." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "There’s the problem. You can’t beat Hawking like that. He hates to lose. Everyone knows the guy’s a big baby. I mean, forget the wheelchair, he should be in a stroller." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Really?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "We can’t beat him. He’s just too smart." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Gentlemen. (Turns and sees Leonard. Screams and faints)." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, whatever it is, it’s troubling me. And I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. And don’t even ask about the consistency of my bowel movements." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "You heard him, guys, don’t ask." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Why would she keep something from me, you know? I shared my body with that woman. And my Netflix password. They recommended Stella Got Her Groove Back because of her." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I just told you." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "No, you didn’t." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, it’s your word against mine; see you in court." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Is the point that you’re an idiot?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can’t walk in my actual shoes. He has the feet of a toddler." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Well, he’s smart, he’s a respected scientist." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And I have the soulful eyes of a cow." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Top of the afternoon, gentlemen." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "You’re in a good mood." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, it’s a new day. I have a new outlook. You know, I realized I don’t need to worry about other people. I just need to think more about myself." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I’ll tell you what you shouldn’t do. Don’t spritz him with that body spray from the commercial where the women undress when they smell it, that doesn’t work at all, no matter how much you put on." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So, that’s all you’ve got? Apocalyptic genocide and go easy on the cologne?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "It’s not just a parking spot. He can’t handle the fact that I’m a bigger deal than he is now." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, preposterous. I have been solely responsible for this university’s six loop quantum gravity calculations, I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einstein condensates, and I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine. Maybe you missed that news while you were floating around like a goof in outer space. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I thought you didn’t like Facebook anymore." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Don’t be silly. I’m a fan of anything that tries to replace actual human contact." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "This is how the Flash paces." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not Sheldon. I’m the Flash. And now I’m going to the Grand Canyon to scream in frustration. I’m back." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I’m Batman." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I hardly think so. The real caped crusader calls his crime-fighting cohorts when he’s running late." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I don’t think you mean we can’t. I think you mean we shouldn’t." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Hey, Howard. You’re a Jew. If there was another wailing wall, exactly like the one in Jerusalem, but close to taco stands and cheap prescription drugs, would you still be able to wail at it? Okay, it’s definitely me." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Wait, that’s an option? I didn’t know that was an option." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, that is fine, because I’ve decided that I won’t be joining you. I’ve realized that the most genuine way to demonstrate the remorse I feel is to let you have this weekend to yourselves." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Don’t be silly. Howard, you do not have a PhD, your cologne is an assault on the senses and you’re not available for video games during the Jewish high holidays." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Guilty as charged. I’m out." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. You, too, are safe." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Suddenly I’m looking pretty good, huh?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So uh, Kripke, I was wondering if there’s any chance you could get me some time on the open science grid computer." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Oh, come on. So you were the victim of a crime. That’s part of life. When my great-grandfather first came to this country, he put all his hopes and dreams into this little butcher shop he ran on the Lower East Side of New York. You know what happened? Every customer who walked into that butcher shop and asked for a pound of liver, got ripped off. But, those people moved on, and so should you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I am moving on. I’m going to be a Bozite." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Wow. I don’t see how we missed that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excuse me, in what universe are Slurpies Icees?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What? He said he was fine." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Sometimes people say things they don’t mean." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, that’s a paradox. I mean if you meant what you just said, then that means you may not have meant what you just said." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Then why didn’t you say that?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Because that’s not what people do." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I would prefer if people told me exactly what is on their mind." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Well, I think the anonymity makes everyone feel like they can say things they’d never say to your face." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Interesting. I can’t think of a single thing I wouldn’t say to someone’s face." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Yeah. It doesn’t need to be smaller." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Shame on you. Where would we be if poodle breeders had that attitude? I’ll tell you. We would have the standard and the miniature poodle, but no toy or teacup. Which by the way, is not an officially recognized breed, but that’s just poodle politics." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, thanks. I’m busy trying to fix this fuel pump." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "It’s a manifold." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh. Well, I guess it’s fixed." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I don’t know." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "May I say something?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Ha, you’re interested. You’re out ten bucks." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It’s slowing down." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’ve decided I’m going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy of this month’s Batman." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "That’s crazy. Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, which is why no one else will ask him to sign one, and I will be the possessor of a unique, albeit confusing, artifact, which will set me apart from the hoi polloi of comic book fandom." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "And then there’s this nose. I mean, what if he looks like me? Or worse, what if she looks like me?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Not to mention the impact on our social circle. Everything’s going to change. Howard won’t be able to come over as much." } ]