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Nidhogg-zh

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Multi-Questioner_Dialogue

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[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Happy Star Wars Day." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wow. A Death Star cake." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Hey. Howie says you’ve been making fun of him all day. Now, both of you apologize right now." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She’s so tiny. It’s funny when she’s mad." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Oh, it’s just like my grandma with her parrot. And after she lost her marbles with her remote control." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "My phone’s on the desk over there. Take a picture of us together. Make it good enough to go on a mug, a mouse pad, and a calendar. If you were a dove, I’d call you Lovey-Dovey. Oh. Who am I kidding? This isn’t a moment for strict adherence to the literal. You’re just my little Lovey-Dovey, aren’t you?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "I still think he looks like someone’s pet. Maybe we should put up posters." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes. It should have a big picture of him, and the words, is this your bird? Not anymore. We’re going to have so much fun together. You can carry messages to all my enemies. I can tie a string to your leg and fly you like a kite." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Guys, you’re being childish." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, she’s right. You’re grown men, the kind who are perfectly capable of growing your own moo-staches." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Oh, that’s fine." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, good for you, Leonard. That’s a lovely little notion. Kind of like, I wish I could talk to my uncle in Chicago. Yeah, now stand back while I invent the telephone. Hello? Oh, hold on. Leonard, it’s your uncle. He says you just got burned." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I believe I’m treating you generously. That’s why I’ve stipulated in the contract that your contributions to our invention are as valuable as my own." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Are you saying that his contributions aren’t as valuable as yours?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, I am not saying that, because I kept saying that this morning and Leonard said stop saying that." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "I can’t help it. My Howie Wowie has an owie." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That is the most sickeningly sweet thing I have ever experienced. And I am sipping Kool-Aid through a Red Vine." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I didn’t say fun fact. I’m not a monster." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "He’s gonna be okay." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Now it’s a fun fact." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thank you for letting me come speak with you." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Of course." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "As my relationships with Penny and Amy are currently strained, I’m turning to you for female comfort and encouragement." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Aw. I’m honoured." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I tried reaching out to my mother, but she was in Bible study. Leonard’s mother is on a book tour. My Mee-Maw was taking a nap, and after a while Siri started repeating her answers." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "So, I’m your seventh choice." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, I know, top ten, pretty exciting." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Aw. I’m honoured." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I tried reaching out to my mother, but she was in Bible study. Leonard’s mother is on a book tour. My Mee-Maw was taking a nap, and after a while Siri started repeating her answers." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "So, I’m your seventh choice." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, I know, top ten, pretty exciting." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "How can I help you?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, in addition to Amy leaving me, Leonard’s moving in with Penny. It’s difficult not to feel abandoned." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Are you actually comparing my human baby to your brain in a bowl?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I didn’t make you waddle up four flights of stairs for the heck of it." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "You do realize my baby has functioning organs and can recognize voices." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, but ours can recognize a specific data stream among background noise." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Mine has a fully developed immune system." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ours doesn’t need an immune system because it lives in a state-of-the-art German incubator." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Keep it. Consider it a gift." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Hold on. Is it back pay or is it a gift?" }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "What’s the difference?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "When the IRS questions us in separate rooms, we need to have our stories straight." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "No, we totally won." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Amy, I don’t understand, are we broken up or not? It’s like you can’t make up your mind." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Amy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Will someone take me home?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Yeah." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You don’t have to leave." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Come in." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "(Knock, knock, knock) Bernadette. (Knock, knock, knock) Bernadette. (Knock, knock, knock) Bernadette." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, as you know, I’ll be celebrating Amy’s birthday with her, and I could use your assistance in helping me select the perfect gift." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Sure." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, so far, I’ve come up with three ideas. The first is a chance for her to play the harp with the L.A. Philharmonic." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Yeah, are you ready for this?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Intimacy in any form has been challenging for me, but I’d like to show her how important she is, and it feels like now might be the right time." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Forgiven, forgiven." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right, that’s eight hours of practice down the drain. And to memorialise this occasion, here are your commemorative T-shirts." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I thought we were having a nice conversation, but it turns out I was being offensive." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "So, normal." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "That was ten years ago." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Nine years, 11 months and three weeks ago, he followed that up by replacing the slides for my lecture with photographs of nude fat women bending over." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Bernadette?" }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "I like the Wii." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thanks, Grandma." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, I have to say, it is nice to share this experience with someone who’s on the same journey. Although right now ours is testing off the charts while yours is floating around in its own waste." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Are you actually comparing my human baby to your brain in a bowl?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I didn’t make you waddle up four flights of stairs for the heck of it." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I need your advice about a delicate workplace situation. Uh, to protect those involved, I’ll be changing their names." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Who’s involved?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, a short, bespectacled colleague of mine who lives in the shadow of his brilliant roommate. Let’s call this colleague Ricardo Shilly-Shally." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Can you please just let it go?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I can help you with that. Imagine you’re holding an ordinary pen. While your favourite pen is safe and secure in your pocket." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "You excited for Texas?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, very much so." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "So, you’re just gonna sign this without having a lawyer look at it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excuse me. I’ve been drafting contracts since kindergarten. Didn’t need a lawyer to get me out of finger painting. Don’t need one now." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "How would you enforce it?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, please. Any contract I sign is enforced by my own personal code of ethics." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Hang on. You seriously think I’m going to live with your mother?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Howard, I think I can help here. Yes, Bernadette, that’s exactly what he thinks." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Hold on. It could be romantic. The two of them away together, keeping each other warm in snowy Wisconsin." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, no, no, no. She’d be going alone. Well, if you think I’m afraid of birds, you should see me around sheep." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Excuse me. You are at Valentine’s dinner with your girlfriend. Now get back over there and be with her." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You’re right. That was insensitive of me. I have to go back to my table now. You should join us." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "She’s just so impossible, they keep quitting." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "So, who’s watching her now?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Thank you. All right, let’s continue." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, excuse me, I need to say something to someone pretty special, and I just can’t wait any longer." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "And Raj and I are volunteering at the soup kitchen, feeding food to the homeless." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, Howard, what about you?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "You guys ready to order?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes, I’d like a seven-day course of penicillin, some, uh, syrup of ipecac, to induce vomiting, and a mint." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "It wouldn’help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Guys, sorry I’m late. I have amazing news." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Bernadette, before you change the subject, does anyone have any final comments on Leonard’s faulty digestive system?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "For God’s sake, Sheldon, what are you doing?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I didn’t want to come in. I was told it would make everyone feel uncomfortable. So I’ll just stay out here and pretend that I don’t have to go to the bathroom." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You hear that? Raj is devastated." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Sheldon, shh. The wedding’s starting." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I see what’s happening. Sides are forming. Well, if Bernadette’s on Amy’s team, I pick Howard." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Because you were about to quit like a big, Sheldon, cover your ears." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I’m not a child. I know the word ninny." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "What are you going to get at the train store, Sheldon?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, I’m not buying anything. They’re having a lecture. H-O gauge railroading. Half the size of O-gauge, but twice the fun. Very controversial topic." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Speaking of new careers, how are things going with dark matter, Sheldon?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, yeah, I’d have to say it’s the most exiting time in the history of the field." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Oh. What’s going on?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I started doing it." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Really? That’s very unsettling." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Hi, Sheldon." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Hi." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, come now. Your undergraduate work must have included a varmints and critters class." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Come back in, Sheldon, he’s not going to hurt you. He looks friendly. I think he might be someone’s pet." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, Bernadette, don’t be a hero!" }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Oh, he’s a sweetie." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes. It’s very sweet. Now, slowly and carefully, flush him down the toilet." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The same thing I’ve been doing for three days. Trying to figure out why electrons behave as if they have no mass when travelling through a graphene sheet." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "With marbles?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I needed something bigger than peas, now, didn’t I?" }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Sheldon, when was the last time you got any sleep?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I don’t know, two, three days. Not important. I don’t need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of unbalanced formulas squatteth the toad of truth." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Okay, Sheldon. What happens to our neuroreceptors when we don’t get enough REM sleep?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "They lose their sensitivity to serotonin and norepinephrine." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Which leads to…?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Impaired cognitive function." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Right, so march in there, brush your teeth and go to bed." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But I don’t want to go to bed." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "I’m going to count to three. One…" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, all right." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Hey. Sheldon, Leonard, living room, right now!" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "She said my name first, that must kill you." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Thanks. And, Sheldon, I know tonight’s the night you eat Thai food, so I went to the Asian market, got all the ingredients and made it from scratch." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, you shouldn’t have." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Oh, it’s my pleasure." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, you really shouldn’t have. I brought my own." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Oh, I totally want to see Sheldon dance. I bet he looks like a spider on a hot plate." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No, thank you, but for the record, I’m an excellent dancer. Proficient in the rumba, waltz and cha-cha." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, Bernadette, looks like Saturday night, it’s you and me." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Me? How? Why?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, it makes perfect sense. Because you’re an expectant mother, you can’t drink alcohol. I don’t like to. You can’t have sushi. I don’t like to. You can’t go in hot tubs. I consider them vats of sweaty people soup." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Gee, Sheldon, I don’t know." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, come on. Roller coasters, caffeine, runny eggs, I’ve been avoiding these things all my life. And now, because you’re pregnant, you have to." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Not just Leonard and Penny’s love, but the love we have for them, as well as each other." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Speaking of love, STDs among the elderly are skyrocketing." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "How can I help you?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, in addition to Amy leaving me, Leonard’s moving in with Penny. It’s difficult not to feel abandoned." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Well, why don’t you look at this as an opportunity? You had other roommates before Leonard. Maybe this is a chance to find someone new." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Perhaps I could find someone better than Leonard. Someone I can rub in his face. Chris Pratt’s all the rage right now. I wonder how he’d feel about taking the smaller bedroom." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, what should I do?" }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Well, Alex is your employee. If she’s doing something that’s making Leonard uncomfortable, you should talk to her." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, no, he’s not uncomfortable at all. No, he’s loving it. Yeah, he’s strutting around like he’s five-foot-six." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, conversations that you wouldn’t be comfortable having in front of the opposite sex. You know, who has the best cervix. Which sanitary napkin is all the rage right now. Men’s buttocks, and how you want to pat and squeeze them." }, { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "We were talking about Penny’s job." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And how difficult it is to do when she’s bloated, cranky and crampy? Continue." } ]

[ { "from": "Bernadette", "value": "Hey. You know who would be the perfect roomie?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Gandalf, but he’s a smoker." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Bert? I wanted to let you know that I read your research, and your award is well-deserved." }, { "from": "Bert", "value": "Thanks. I’ve been hearing that a lot. Ever since I won, people think I’m great." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, just this once, you can count me as people, too." }, { "from": "Bert", "value": "You know, as a MacArthur Grant winner, I’m allowed to nominate someone for next year." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Really? I didn’t know that." } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "Thanks. I’ve been hearing that a lot. Ever since I won, people think I’m great." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, just this once, you can count me as people, too." }, { "from": "Bert", "value": "You know, as a MacArthur Grant winner, I’m allowed to nominate someone for next year." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Really? I didn’t know that." }, { "from": "Bert", "value": "So I was thinking, you know, engineers don’t get a lot of respect. Is your friend Howard working on anything cool?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know, I’m not sure. You know, you’d have to ask him. Excuse me. (Off) Aah. Leonard, I hurt myself again." } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "This is the best blintz I’ve ever had." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh. Thank you." } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "It’s hard to say. I don’t remember much after I drank it." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Would you like one, Mrs. Petrescu?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "I didn’t either, until I revamped my profile." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What’d you do, delete your photo?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "Thanks. I was as surprised as anybody. When they called and told me I won, I didn’t believe them. And then they said, no, you really won. And then I said, cool." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Someone call George R. R. Martin, this guy knows how to finish a story." }, { "from": "Bert", "value": "I’ve gotten pretty good at telling it. Well, see ya." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Some genius. I zinged him with sarcasm, he didn’t even notice." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Stuart, wait. I do know what it feels like to be left out." }, { "from": "Bert", "value": "I know how it feels, too." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right, this is about me and him, you’re not part of it. Stuart, perhaps we do take you for granted, and that is not acceptable. Please know that you truly are a valuable member of our social group." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Bert, I insist that you join us." }, { "from": "Bert", "value": "You really wouldn’t mind?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Not at all. Amy?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "Nothing. I just wanted everyone to know I have a girlfriend." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Bert, you’re tying up the line. My apologies to all of you trying to call in with legitimate flag comments." } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "No, I miss her. I don’t know why I listened to you." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He’s not wrong. It was your crackpot idea that he deserves love." } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "She better be. On our first date, I bought her an 80-inch flat-screen." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Your first date? Did you even measure her walls?" } ]

[ { "from": "Bert", "value": "Hey, guys." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, hello." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "That’s why I added the tator. And then when we found our first positive data, you were so happy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh, yes. In the world of emoticons, I was colon, capital D." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh-ho! Really? Well here’s another nit for you. The flagons would not have been made of polypropylene." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Renaissance fairs aren’t about historical accuracy. They’re about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko’s and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says howdy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Bosoms would not have said howdy in the fifteenth century. If anything they would have said “huzzah!”" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Yes, but when they’re hungry-hungry, you can stop them with marbles." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, the correct animal for interspecies supersolider is koala. You would wind up with an army so cute it couldn’t be attacked." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "That’s so great. If you guys prove the existence of Unruh radiation… Hey, hey, hey, hey. My eyes are up here." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Howard, Raj. Judas." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Yeah. Okay, how do you prevent eddy currents in a transformer?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Laminate the core material." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Thank God." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Okay, I believe a chicken made you his bitch. But the cricket thing, I don’t buy. Bet me." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fair enough. What stake do you propose?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I will put up my Fantastic Four number 48, first appearance of Silver Surfer against your Flash 123, the classic Flash of two worlds issue." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "All right, you have a wager." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "An appropriate cricket name. For example, Jiminy." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "All right, Sheldon, here we go, Kleingast’s Field Guide to North American Insects. Hey, Toby. Right here, see it? The common field cricket, aka Gryllus assimilis, which is Latin for suck it, you lose." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Hang on. Voilà, the snowy tree cricket, aka Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for I’ll suck nothing. Of course I’m joking because the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I am." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good. And how it relates to the calculus of variations?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "It’s an inverted cycloid." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wonderful. Now, what about Euler-Lagrange theorems?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "That’s where I’m a little fuzzy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ha! I knew it. All right. We have a lot of information to cover before your first test. Which, by the way, is in eight minutes. The good news is I’m grading on a curve, so you’re pretty much guaranteed a C." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I suppose that’s a fair request. There’s no reason we both can’t benefit from this experience." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Okay." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Okay. Well, then, uh, first things first. Um, are you familiar with the Brachistochrone problem?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I am." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good. And how it relates to the calculus of variations?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "It’s an inverted cycloid." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Wonderful. Now, what about Euler-Lagrange theorems?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "No, it’s too broad of a beam. You’d need something more precise, like Superman’s heat vision." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Ooh, the Green Lantern’s ring could make a big green hand that unscrews it." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What if that burning food attracts animals?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "We have plenty of food for the animals." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "We do?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Yep. A six-foot wiener in a Flash T-shirt." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "That’s not very nice." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "They’re called tattoo sleeves. Look. I bought them online, Raj got a set, too. Fantastic, right? Put them on, have hot sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "You know, I’ve always wanted to go to a goth nighclub." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Bazinga! None of you ever see my practical jokes coming, do you?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I bet he picked up a lot of cute grad students in this bad boy." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yeah, and talked about physics with them." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I usually don’t put too much stock in charms and talismans. However, even I must admit feeling Richard Feynman’s butt dent cupping my own bottom that does get the creative juices flowing." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Hey, I have to return this van. Keep your creative juices in your pants." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I think it’s a tyre." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What if it’s banditos shooting at us? What if we get kidnapped? What if we end up in a factory making Bart Simpson piñatas for the rest of our lives?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Hey, I have to return this van. Keep your creative juices in your pants." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What was that?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "I think it’s a tyre." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "What if it’s banditos shooting at us? What if we get kidnapped? What if we end up in a factory making Bart Simpson piñatas for the rest of our lives?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "It’s the tyre." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Leonard?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "But I’m not." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Well then fake it. Look at me, I could be grinding on the fact that without my stabilizing telescope mount he never would have found that stupid little clump of cosmic schmutz, but I’m bigger than that." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Fine, what do you want me to do?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "One moment. I’m conducting an experiment." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "With Dungeons and Dragons dice?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Yes. From here on in, I’ve decided to make all trivial decisions with a throw of the dice, thus freeing up my mind to do what it does best, enlighten and amaze. Page 14, item seven." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "So, what’s for dinner?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "A side of corn succotash. Hmm. Interesting." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Wait a minute, I called dibs on Fishbine’s office the day he started showing up at work in his bathrobe." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He gets a new office, I can’t even get paper towels in the men’s room?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "And he should have a lot of money, and live in a cool place down by the beach where we could throw parties." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "He should share our love of technology." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Probably because we left the diagram of it in the restaurant, and none of us wanted to walk back." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "I know the real reason you never made progress with that idea. You thought of it September 22nd, 2007. Two days later, Penny moved in, and so much blood rushed to your genitals, your brain became a ghost town." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "It gets better. Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist, and guess who that someone is." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Mohammed Lee." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Who’s Mohammed Lee?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Mohammed is the most common first name in the world, Lee, the most common surname. As I didn’t know the answer, I thought that gave me a mathematical edge." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Or if we could figure out a way to supercool the materials, we could utilize quantum coupling." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Well, I wonder if anyone’s tried that." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "We could snap a rubber band on our wrists every time we get sidetracked." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Mmm, not bad. You know, in medieval times, idle chatter was punished with a device called the scold’s bridle. It’s an iron cage that’s locked around the head and pierces the tongue." } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Really?" }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "One time when I was working with him, he said that Johnny Depp was in The Matrix. I told him he was wrong, but he kept insisting. So I looked it up online and showed him. Well, the next day, he had a pizza party, and everyone got invited but me. And then he was all, your invitation must have gotten lost in the matrix." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Good Lord, what have I done?" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "You ever hear back from Hawking?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No. It would appear as if I’ve lost him. Stupid brain." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Good news. I made it onto the team for the new Defence Department laser-equipped surveillance satellite." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Excuse me. If we’re changing topics, I believe I have first dibs with capybara, a rodent the size of a baby hippo." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "That’s what they said to Neil Armstrong about the moon." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "No one said anything of the kind to Neil Armstrong, the entire nation dedicated a decade of effort and treasure to put a man on the moon." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Hey! Look! Amazing Spider-Man 183." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Got it." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Noticed the eye patch, did you? It’s all part of a technique I’ve been studying for picking up women. You employ a visual display designed to make yourself distinctive and memorable." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Oh yes, like the male peacock with brilliant plumage or the rutting baboon with engorged hindquarters." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "Wormhole generator test? (On screen a wormhole appears)" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "The first forty-three parallel universes I’ve checked proved to be empty. I see no reason to suspect universe number forty-four will be any different. (Puts his head in the wormhole)" } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "I got the Mars Rover stuck in a ditch." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Where?" } ]

[ { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Right now, somewhere, a woman is dividing the atomic weight of the best noble gas by the number of colours in the oldest national flag still in use." }, { "from": "Howard", "value": "Then using that number as the average speed to calculate the travel time from Mordor to the Shire." }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "And, taking her first step towards a lifetime of laughter, love and, best of all, rules." } ]

[ { "from": "Howard", "value": "How about the guy who gets a prostate exam from Wolverine?" }, { "from": "Sheldon", "value": "Now you just being silly. Wolverine’s never displayed the slightest interest in helping others prevent prostate cancer. (Answering phone) Hello. Yes, the elevator’s out of order you’ll have to use the stairs. Of course you can. Pizza dates back to the 16th century, while the first elevator was not installed until 1852. That means that for over 300 years, people carried pizzas up stairs. Be part of that proud tradition." } ]