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*interrupts your baby's first words* if a panda wears a handkerchief it's called a pandana. | true |
An incomplete list of all the ways denzel kills people in 'the equalizer' | false |
Have any brief jokes i can snapchat a girl that i like? | true |
How much does a slave cost? i have no idea, i just know they aren't free | true |
What do you call someone who is obsessed with a constant breeze? a 'fan'atic. | true |
What are three signs old age? 1. becoming forgetful | true |
Tall people don't need to be inspirational everyone already looks up to them. | true |
The wife asked her husband to get rid of his boner he tried, but it was too difficult. | true |
Etsy shop tour: inside accessory designer yokoo gibraan's studio | false |
Hangout, day 1: kings of leon, jim james, ryan bingham kick off one of the best fests (slideshow) | false |
I wonder if a ghost has ever watched me masturbate. | true |
A woman's tongue & man's eye, will rest' only when they die. | true |
Eric holder: to begin healing, we must see an end to 'acts of violence' in ferguson | false |
When i lived on a houseboat i was seeing the girl next door, but eventually we drifted apart. | true |
Is it a good idea to have multiple phds? to a certain degree. | true |
Those republican smears of the fbi? don’t make me laugh. | false |
I think ive gone insane. i cut off my nose. nothing makes scents anymore. | true |
Why ferguson has everything to do with black breastfeeding week | false |
In your face: the hidden history of plastic surgery and why looks matter | false |
David cross will mail his beard to a fan before 'mr. show' reunion | false |
Losing a husband can be hard: in my case it was almost impossible. | true |
Dan harmon talks harmontown and dungeons & dragons at sxsw | false |
How do you circumcise a priest? kick a little boy in the jaw. | true |
What do you call shit that comes out with a fart? an unexpecturd. | true |
Steps you can take to reduce your ovarian cancer risk | false |
The 23 funniest tumblr blogs that will make you lol | false |
When you f**k up a coded message and have to send it again re morse | true |
This t-shirt perfectly captures all the same-sex marriage feels | false |
Obama mourns dead in hiroshima, calls for world without nuclear arms | false |
How projecting your own experiences could stifle your child's ability to learn | false |
My local psychic closed down... ..due to unforeseen circumstances | true |
What do you call a midget fortune teller running from the police? a small medium at large. | true |
Hugs not drugs. except, yes drugs and why are you touching me? | true |
And on the seventh day god rested... because even omnipotent beings need rest too, ya know. | true |
Cocaine i tried and failed to use cocaine. it kept falling off the mirror in the bathroom. | true |
Yale concludes sae fraternity didn't have a racist halloween party | false |
A minor diversion: traveling in greece during the crisis | false |
Whenever you feel depressed, imagine someone tickling kristen stewart. | true |
Terrorists are starting to get worried coz americans have now started to steal their jobs | true |
Kaley cuoco's bdsm 'big bang' photo might actually make us watch this season | false |
Did you hear about the movie with the red tractor? the trailer was better | true |
There is no good way to explain donald trump's climate change tweet | false |
The best friend you will ever have: meditation | false |
What do you tell a woman with a black eye? nothing, she's already been told twice. | true |
Goose bumps are god's way of letting you know a devil ginger baby was just born. | true |
What has 1 hand, 3 legs, 6 feet, and 2 heads? the finish line at the boston marathon. | true |
Diy idea: turn an old cupboard door into an art desk for kids (photo) | false |
Family reunions must be really awkward in the south... especially when you see your exes there | true |
Democrats aren't sure whether to make jeff sessions' pot crackdown an election issue | false |
With great power comes a great electric bill. | true |
Women in business: arlinda lee, phd, senior healthcare analyst, mlv & co | false |
Why don't girls count to two? because they can't even. | true |
4 benefits i received when i said goodbye to video games | false |
Should you always say 'i'm sorry' when someone says they're divorcing? | false |
Thin may be in -- but not in the hair world! | false |
What do a pedophile and a pokemon master have in common? they both have a collection of cp | true |
The balkanization of consumers in american health care | false |
'hamilton' creator lin-manuel miranda joins john oliver to request help for puerto rico | false |
To heal or not to heal: shamans in the new era | false |
Why did the fetus kill his twin? there wasn't enough womb for the two of them! | true |
Donald trump meets joni ernst amid vice president speculation | false |
Mayweather decides to teach his son how to hit on girls. with fists | true |
Having emotions is sometimes a sign of strength | false |
Here’s what happened when we played pokémon go at moma | false |
Alec baldwin jumps to kendall jenner's defense in pepsi ad fiasco | false |
How did the nucleus escape from prison? through the cell wall. | true |
What do you call figrin d'an's first born boy? son of a bith! | true |
Trump's sotu gets positive reviews, doesn't convince anyone he's pivoting | false |
Diary of a none too happy camper: camping down under on the looney front | false |
Kupu hou organic farm in hawaii comes with a gorgeous home, yurt and plenty of... coffee? (photos) | false |
'tower' relives a school shooting that wasn't an everyday phenomenon | false |
Sitting all day? head-to-toe tips for a healthier workstation | false |
The reality of abortion clinics without buffer zones | false |
Obama reveals that he's a 'guac fanatic' ahead of super bowl | false |
The man behind the mementos at the vietnam veterans memorial | false |
Trump says he'd 'absolutely' consider a muslim cabinet member | false |
Any crime sounds better if you add the word silly to it: silly murder, silly rape, etc. | true |
Can we install an *eyeroll* button on twitter? | true |
Horses are the most negative animals... ...they are such neigh-sayers | true |
If you tell me to chillax, i will chillstab you and chillaugh while you bleed to chilldeath. | true |
Help me practice my knife throwing skills. you catch. | true |
Honica brittman kidney transplant chain: woman's altruism spurs 5 kidney swaps | false |
Thief dresses like apple store employee, makes off with 19 iphones | false |
Nothing says you don't trust your family like pre-payment of your funeral | true |
7 easy things you can do for faster, better sleep | false |
This is how you fold a fitted sheet... kind of | false |
Oyster.com's picks for the best caribbean destination wedding hotels | false |
My husbands signature move is running to town real quick and coming home 5 hours later. | true |
It was such a hard core lesbian bar... even the pool table didn't have balls. | true |
Getting to know your friends... one tomato at a time | false |
If the conversation gets too serious take your pants off. | true |
Everything my three year old says is like listening to a weird roommate describe their lsd dreams. | true |
Nocturnal teeth grinding may suggest a sleep disorder | false |
What do you call an amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass? a mechanic | true |
*a friend tells me their problems* me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it? | true |
Saitama tried to change his facebook password to goku but facebook said it was too weak... | true |
Where do you get sent if you have a brainfreeze? the iceeu | true |
Russell simmons says his debit rushcards ‘working’ after lawsuit, federal investigation | false |
If god had an iphone, like 8 of the 10 commandments would have typos in them. | true |
Vintage girl names: 12 victorian nicknames that are making a comeback | false |
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