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The only christmas spirit you'll see from me this year is a bottle of rum under your tree.
true
My coworkers are fucking retarded children. surely thats illegal.
true
I believe in respect for the dead; in fact, i could only respect you if you were dead.
true
The 'massive game of telephone' that preceded the ted cruz tabloid rumors
false
Sac capital facing insider trading probe over weight watchers trades: report
false
Fox news is hit with another sexual harassment suit
false
Things the gop has battled this week: 1. ethics 2. intelligence
true
The ugliest american: thinkers from around the world weigh in on trump's rise
false
Tattoo artist spends day off inking survivors of domestic violence, self-harm for free
false
Lawmakers lambast twitter over lackluster probe into russian-linked accounts
false
Rex tillerson says trump speaks only for himself on american values
false
Yet another day i failed to wake up as a giant cockroach
true
Manny machado is back and every baseball fan should be excited
false
Korean woman's sexy food dances will make you gag
false
A particle walked into a bar.... and it didn't
true
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet? because the p is silent.
true
Did you hear about how james bond slept through an earthquake? he was shaken, not stirred.
true
What is the difference between sex and fear? zwei.
true
I have found the secret to intradimensional travel
true
Diy woven grocery bag baskets are a simple yet chic upcycling idea (photo)
false
Taylor swift brings fetty wap onstage to perform 'trap queen'
false
American sniper chris kyle: a conversation that lingers
false
A saudi psychologist on jihadism, clerical elite and education reform
false
I can't stand being in a wheelchair. ...
true
5 ways to be kindhearted to yourself and others (photos)
false
Damn girl, are you sandpaper? because i want you to rub my wood.
true
We are proud — and we’re still marching
false
I hate when people say 'i died laughing', and don't die.
true
How to kill 20 flies at once slap an ethiopian
true
Wedding registries: what to scan, what to skip
false
What did the eskimo lady ask her husband when they were having sex? are you even inuit?
true
Couple ordered to pay enslaved nanny $121,000 after 2 years of work
false
Why are there so few casinos in africa? too many cheetahs
true
Dreamers plead with lawmakers to follow through on promises to help them
false
My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. i wasn't planning to spend that much..
true
'you look great!' -- life with a traumatic brain injury
false
What if we treated marriage more like the contract it is?
false
Prince william losing job? helicopter service restructuring, leaves more time for baby
false
Shaquem griffin becomes first one-handed player selected in nfl draft
false
What did pat benatar say to the kid throwing cereal at her? stop using chex as a weapon!
true
How do athletes send e-mails? on the inter-sweat.
true
Active surveillance: why did dr. drew wait before having prostate cancer surgery?
false
Wisconsin badger nigel hayes calls out ncaa with 'broke college athlete' sign
false
Wrestling is obviously fake. why would they fight for a belt when they don't wear pants?
true
Why did the tomato blush? because it saw the salad dressing
true
An elderly couple were watching tv they died.
true
What's the strongest plant in the world? eucaliftus
true
What's the best way to fix a horse race? evolution.
true
We need to change the distorted way we perceive veterans
false
My friend says i have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. we'll just see about that...
true
Jewelry diy projects: fun craft ideas for buttons, beads and more
false
One of the largest retailers in the u.s. is launching a hijab-friendly fashion line
false
Starbucks offers free college tuition to military spouses and children
false
Republican congressman says trump should apologize to obama and the uk
false
If athletes get athlete's foot then what do astronauts get? missile toe.
true
Why is it tough to make it as a pornstar? because the competition is stiff.
true
'confirmation' and the silencing of black women to shield black men
false
I didn't fart, i flirted. that was a flirt! *runs away flirting*
true
Supreme showdown: democrats to stage mock garland hearing, gop scoffs
false
Here's just how much hillary clinton's emails dominated the campaign
false
What's the most popular form of martial arts in israel? jew-jitsu
true
Donald trump says settling fraud case is only bad part of winning the presidency
false
Record of the year grammys nominees include daft punk, lorde
false
Thank you pringles for being the only chip company that doesn't sell air.
true
Did you hear about the campers with explosive diarrhea? that shi* was intense.
true
Scientists as kids: 18 science & tech luminaries when they were youngsters (photos)
false
Airliner crashes in russia, killing all 71 people on board: reports
false
Cant take this long distance relationship anymore. fridge.... you are coming to my room
true
How to survive the first 72 hours when lost in the woods
false
What did hitler do wrong? he didn't finish.
true
If i had a dollar for every girl i fucked ... ... i would be still fucking poor!
true
Looks like it's time to start pretending andy murray isn't scottish again...
true
Connie nielsen on why 50 is so awesome
false
The 27 types of partiers you'll see on new year's eve
false
10 really cute valentine's day gifts for under $100
false
Buying yourself an uber gift card is ironic. cause it's a free ride when you've already paid.
true
What do you call a fear of chainsaws? logic.
true
The only qualification for working at an airline is making a confused face at a monitor.
true
What did one white cop say to another white cop? another black man bites the dust.
true
A bad body image day: 10 ways to turn those thoughts around
false
Justin bieber holds back tears during manchester benefit concert performance
false
Pick up line i put the std in stud, but all i need is you.
true
How do blind doctors deliver babies? with a can't c-section.
true
U.s. gets a taste of life without immigrants in nationwide protests
false
What do you call it when someone comes to your house and takes all your pottery? home depot.
true
Taraji p. henson wows in alexander wang at the emmys. natch.
false
What do north koreans lack that south koreans do not? north koreans have no seoul.
true
Did you hear about that new bald eagle poison? it's illegal if you use it.
true
Mexicans are so good at basketball it's in there blood. they can run, jump, shoot and steal.
true
It was awkward when she said, and yet your feet are so big.
true
What do you call it when a plant used tv tropes? a tv tropism.
true
What do you call a fat pedophile? molesterol
true
Happy valentine's day! so what's everyone doing with their cats tonight??
true
Do you know who wants some good d? no, who? football fans.
true
Gps guide: bright christmas lights to get you in the holiday spirit
false
Jeff sessions blames bad apples for police abuse. he should read these doj reports.
false
How does snoop dogg keep his canine teeth white? bleeeeee-yatch!
true
*tinkerbell sprinkling pixie dust* remember peter, give me a call if it last longer than 4 hours.
true
Confused cutie doesn't understand why we don't take cookies from strangers
false
Everyone has an annoying friend. if you don't have one, it's probably you.
true