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7,300 | 7,301 | I need to get something off my chest... It's called breast cancer. I'm so sorry. | [-5.64156752e-03 2.27168165e-02 1.57311466e-02 6.47348836e-02
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7,301 | 7,302 | Brain: He mentioned marriage again. You know what to do. *sets phone on fire* | [-4.01838906e-02 5.07851988e-02 8.98744538e-02 1.49882333e-02
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7,302 | 7,303 | What do wizards call unmagical African Americans? Niggles | [-1.13061909e-02 5.25986254e-02 -1.15608819e-01 4.46869582e-02
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7,303 | 7,304 | A man was walking on a nude beach... A man with a foot long dick was walking on a nude beach when he was arrested by the police. The charge? Weapons of Lass Destruction | [-3.45690399e-02 1.28406391e-01 -3.79271340e-03 4.05414999e-02
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7,304 | 7,305 | What do you call someone who supports Hillary? Paid off. | [-3.20336781e-02 -5.64021431e-02 8.63406900e-03 7.12831551e-03
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7,305 | 7,306 | Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can't remember the lyrics. | [ 5.92407584e-02 -1.13752689e-02 3.38679142e-02 -1.18757207e-02
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7,306 | 7,307 | How do you know when your BBQ is ready in Canada in April? The snow on top of it has melted. | [-3.62342894e-02 -9.22091119e-03 6.44164234e-02 6.50140941e-02
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7,307 | 7,308 | Sex through the ages: Age 20-30: Tri-weekly Age 30-40: Try weekly Age 40-50: Try weakly | [-6.04972756e-03 -6.08048635e-03 -1.85272675e-02 1.79688875e-02
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7,308 | 7,309 | So it's my birthday and my parent sang me happy birthday. Mom: "Happy birthday to you!" Dad: "Happy birthday to you!" Mom: "Happy birthday to you!" Dad: "You were born because your mom sniffed glue." | [-4.84444164e-02 9.79257151e-02 2.71463562e-02 -5.87633718e-03
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7,309 | 7,310 | I named my penis Truth... Because bitches can't handle it! | [-5.5352733e-02 -1.0684264e-02 1.7316699e-02 9.0233035e-02
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7,310 | 7,311 | Why are redneck murders hard to solve? No dental records and the DNA is all the same. | [-3.86019498e-02 1.04179867e-02 -3.13430876e-02 1.94916818e-02
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7,311 | 7,312 | Why did the T-Rex get hammered at noon? Because he's a Wino-saur! | [-1.22039039e-02 1.13633923e-01 5.51158302e-02 6.38754219e-02
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7,312 | 7,313 | Did you hear about the Power Plant that was bad for the environment all year? He got coal for Christmas. | [ 2.85053765e-03 1.24596827e-01 7.36288577e-02 7.46631399e-02
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7,313 | 7,314 | Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? A cub reporter. | [-6.18976653e-02 7.63791800e-02 -6.39916807e-02 1.23213641e-01
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7,314 | 7,315 | "I love you unconditionally*." -God *Terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details. | [-7.85348937e-02 1.46701381e-01 4.80406098e-02 1.82170626e-02
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7,315 | 7,316 | Only my husband would walk up to my gynecologist in Costco, point at me, give him the two thumbs up while grinning and say, 'Nice one, huh?' | [-8.84829462e-02 6.92674369e-02 -8.54080636e-03 5.61645739e-02
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7,318 | 7,319 | What's better: A Parachute Jump or a BJ of a 90 year old? doesn't matter... must not look down.. | [ 2.43811291e-02 5.83782308e-02 -2.19048653e-02 -3.50855216e-02
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7,319 | 7,320 | There was a pregnant woman.... She was in labor and the doctor said: 'It's labor day!' | [-3.70019786e-02 5.19987829e-02 -1.82263982e-02 1.10666402e-01
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7,320 | 7,321 | I just got fired for looking up clown videos on my lunch break. My boss didn't buy that "Lisa Ann gets creampied" is a clown video | [-1.19663524e-02 2.84885755e-04 7.38450512e-02 -4.97022569e-02
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7,321 | 7,322 | A prostate exam... Is worrying when the doctor shouts "look no hands!" | [ 1.18269632e-02 4.15449366e-02 -9.21075325e-03 3.21157202e-02
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7,322 | 7,323 | I think my girlfriend would be a great presidential candidate, Because she's so awesome at bringing up shit from the past. | [-7.78544024e-02 -6.53424039e-02 8.09825659e-02 -1.00321844e-01
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7,323 | 7,324 | two fish in a tank. one says to the other... **how do you drive this thing?** | [-8.00521299e-03 6.05817810e-02 -4.74579968e-02 5.21322414e-02
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7,324 | 7,325 | No one realizes when someone says, "The last thing I wanna do is hurt you," that basically implies: there is a list, hurting you is on it. | [ 6.27951813e-04 -9.96073708e-03 4.77492996e-02 4.28566523e-02
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7,325 | 7,326 | How did the bird get his bluetooth to work? He had to parrot. | [ 1.14187198e-02 4.43289950e-02 9.56925936e-03 -2.09939796e-02
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7,326 | 7,327 | I have no beef with vegetarians. | [ 8.10940415e-02 -2.50503216e-02 -6.14916384e-02 8.05549920e-02
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7,327 | 7,328 | "Why is there a jar of pickles in the bathroom?" "I like pickles." "Do you eat them when you're on the toilet?" "Ewww! EAT them?! Gross!" | [-5.07317781e-02 -1.82313379e-02 6.18186221e-02 6.12608790e-02
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7,329 | 7,330 | Why are fruit rapists seldom found alone? They come in pears | [ 7.58844838e-02 2.86896303e-02 -4.58391048e-02 7.84527063e-02
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7,330 | 7,331 | What do you call the child of two parents with downs syndrome? A hand-me-down. | [-2.25917976e-02 1.90712139e-02 -3.57232355e-02 2.94557074e-03
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7,331 | 7,332 | *me at fast food counter* "hey mister, did this meat bark or meow?" "It asked stupid questions." | [-7.61746522e-03 9.56676528e-02 8.66301954e-02 7.11487159e-02
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7,332 | 7,333 | Two atoms walked out of a bar. One turned to the other one and said, "we've got to go back in there, I left an electron" The other one asked, "Are you sure?" He replied, "Yes, I'm positive" | [-6.20753542e-02 6.42872527e-02 -3.47091220e-02 1.11862861e-01
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7,333 | 7,334 | People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties. | [-2.12381575e-02 -5.00123501e-02 3.22586745e-02 6.87546236e-03
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7,334 | 7,335 | Me: I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. Him: Ma'am, for the last time, we don't have a limit on how much liquor you can buy. | [-1.68318059e-02 6.23052865e-02 2.60038879e-02 2.29056329e-02
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7,335 | 7,336 | your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig | [-7.78369382e-02 9.90438759e-02 6.85503334e-02 -7.33529925e-02
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7,336 | 7,337 | A black guy walks into a police station in Florida and he never comes out. | [ 8.83284304e-03 -1.15597229e-02 -1.03616640e-01 7.41164237e-02
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7,337 | 7,338 | I like my women like I like my coffee.... Ground up and in the freezer. | [-9.12566632e-02 -4.86298464e-02 4.53159548e-02 7.48935640e-02
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7,338 | 7,339 | What do you call a panda who's legs don't work? Pandapalegic | [-2.13050959e-03 -4.20354307e-02 7.73102371e-03 2.01399662e-02
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7,339 | 7,340 | How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None! | [ 8.73196349e-02 1.91443879e-02 -1.22598328e-01 -4.76871058e-02
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7,340 | 7,341 | Cats are just fuzzy houseplants that hate you. | [ 1.26863867e-01 1.31891128e-02 1.39807045e-01 6.34682644e-03
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7,341 | 7,342 | If you slap a christian girl on the ass... Would she turn the other cheek? | [ 8.52985773e-03 4.91370894e-02 -3.43284942e-02 3.57654803e-02
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7,342 | 7,343 | You scream, we all scream, I apologize for entering the womens bathroom. | [ 9.13164616e-02 -3.58490460e-02 3.86992320e-02 2.43278928e-02
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7,343 | 7,344 | What did Bruce Lee say about NASA'S discovery WA-TAH! | [-5.97479679e-02 1.30469769e-01 3.65588143e-02 8.84456262e-02
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7,344 | 7,345 | What kind of bee can't be understood ? A mumble bee ! | [ 4.39143106e-02 -5.17305508e-02 1.40076131e-02 3.27760465e-02
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7,345 | 7,346 | Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. | [ 7.49930814e-02 3.56069058e-02 -1.16702281e-02 1.26442432e-01
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7,346 | 7,347 | What did the Maple syrup farmer say when he saw a good looking maple tree? "I'd tap that." | [-5.83641790e-02 6.78878501e-02 4.00662571e-02 4.47949059e-02
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7,347 | 7,348 | I asked two Uber drivers to pick each other up and am watching them chase each other in circles around my block until they run out of gas. | [ 4.34477963e-02 1.46347862e-02 -2.23677419e-02 1.54229403e-02
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7,348 | 7,349 | There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same. | [ 7.79020712e-02 -1.03279464e-01 2.98794638e-03 5.45082390e-02
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7,349 | 7,350 | Mission Impossible? He's done four of them now. Let's call it "Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable" | [-9.91638284e-04 -3.62364948e-02 -4.53102030e-02 -4.08703834e-02
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7,350 | 7,351 | Memories. That's how I want to be remembered. | [ 2.48940140e-02 5.12626059e-02 -6.68683276e-02 7.77219161e-02
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7,351 | 7,352 | you hear about the indian chief that drank a case of tea he died in his tee pee | [-1.41190812e-02 2.19187811e-02 -1.72748417e-02 2.22586300e-02
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7,352 | 7,353 | What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a bad joke? | [ 1.43147958e-03 2.42123138e-02 -2.89135287e-03 5.75575493e-02
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7,353 | 7,354 | You hate me? Well okay, grab a chair and wait for me to care. | [ 5.98558038e-02 -3.91497798e-02 5.23024946e-02 -2.88859960e-02
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7,354 | 7,355 | My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening. | [-4.35782857e-02 6.23589382e-02 4.61666621e-02 1.29067943e-01
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7,355 | 7,356 | What's the difference between Santa Claus & Michael Jackson? one comes when children dream & the other dreams of children coming*. | [ 5.68552315e-03 2.46033017e-02 -3.32309529e-02 9.07280073e-02
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7,356 | 7,357 | Why was the banker bored? Because he lost interest in everything. | [ 1.08946957e-01 5.32995574e-02 -2.04590745e-02 3.20293047e-02
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7,357 | 7,358 | Where do you take a sick wasp? To waspital. | [ 4.96670045e-02 4.21548374e-02 -6.17709160e-02 9.99362022e-03
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7,358 | 7,359 | The Koala should be classified as a bear It has all the Koalafications | [ 4.71860822e-03 4.52484302e-02 -1.57619584e-02 5.48044816e-02
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7,359 | 7,360 | I'd say giving birth to a dead baby is better than having a miscarriage At least your baby's still born? | [-6.12080768e-02 4.50698547e-02 -6.11438341e-02 1.30464779e-02
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7,360 | 7,361 | Is this where you put your jokes? According to my ex wife my career and penis should be here | [ 1.15343113e-03 -5.72393127e-02 3.10623385e-02 4.11596559e-02
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7,361 | 7,362 | I'd like to thank my skeletal system for all the support its given me over the years. | [-1.08465441e-01 5.80169596e-02 8.32748339e-02 -8.77555609e-02
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7,362 | 7,363 | Where does a dog go when he loses his tail? A retail store. | [ 6.01618141e-02 4.39131185e-02 5.58512919e-02 3.42265666e-02
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7,363 | 7,364 | I can't figure out if I'm drinking Malibu rum or licking sun tan lotion off skin. | [ 6.28044009e-02 -4.96807545e-02 3.12611833e-02 6.96274787e-02
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7,364 | 7,365 | "Donatello choose ur weapon" "I'll take a stick" "Really not a sword? Nunchu.." "A STICK" "Ha I guess u wanna wear purple too?" "..." "Ugh" | [-6.56157136e-02 -2.35337205e-02 6.34307461e-03 2.27182116e-02
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7,365 | 7,366 | What do you call a terrorist from Paris? A Paririst | [ 3.83108705e-02 2.70013306e-02 -5.66116609e-02 -5.59625290e-02
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7,366 | 7,367 | How many gay men does it take to change a lightbulb? "Ummm ... forget about the changing the lightbulb, honey, maybe let's start with changing those curtains" | [ 4.75222282e-02 1.97336413e-02 3.75783518e-02 6.32302314e-02
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7,367 | 7,368 | People I live with are hiding my shit. The two most effective hiding places to date: 1) out in the open 2) where I last left it | [ 6.04584105e-02 2.88599301e-02 6.85865209e-02 5.80025427e-02
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7,368 | 7,369 | Why are Cal Tech and MIT constantly Fighting? Because MIT blames Cal Tech for stealing their Feynman, and there will never be another man as Fine. | [-7.90746808e-02 -4.25665602e-02 1.01032227e-01 -5.16288243e-02
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7,369 | 7,370 | Whats pink and smells awful? Your mums cunt lol | [ 3.39306183e-02 -2.23599132e-02 1.44870654e-02 3.97414118e-02
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7,370 | 7,371 | My doctor gave me a prescription for anti-depression meds but my Bartender is having a hard time reading his writing... | [ 4.93318550e-02 2.64280029e-02 -9.85395908e-03 3.24290320e-02
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7,371 | 7,372 | [sees crush] Oh you're going to the mall? Wow weird me too. I totally need a new *tries to think of something at the mall* escalator | [-7.72507070e-03 -3.30115147e-02 5.88657074e-02 -4.80528809e-02
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7,372 | 7,373 | What do you call a pig... ...with an unusually high IQ? Einswine | [ 6.71143085e-02 -1.14854397e-02 -2.69881357e-02 4.61390568e-03
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7,373 | 7,374 | Liam Gallagher was never good in science. When asked to name 3 chemical elements, he said "Gold and silver and sunshine." | [ 1.26971211e-02 -3.59199420e-02 5.47090210e-02 5.19171357e-02
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7,374 | 7,375 | I should rename myself Summer. All girls want is Summer to come. | [ 5.82455432e-05 -2.79978234e-02 2.95367148e-02 3.23785171e-02
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7,375 | 7,376 | The Wizard of Oz, synopsis. Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again. | [-7.16666458e-04 9.52040253e-04 -4.67972793e-02 4.25098501e-02
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7,376 | 7,377 | When God closes a door, it usually has my fingers in it. | [ 1.13384463e-02 3.04355216e-03 3.88458893e-02 2.79791299e-02
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7,377 | 7,378 | Why do clowns hate assassins? Because they go for the juggler. | [ 3.75219882e-02 5.68263531e-02 -3.67547758e-02 -3.47807035e-02
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7,378 | 7,379 | Here's another great Ellen Pao Joke [deleted] | [-4.20991667e-02 -1.09992479e-03 -1.65877119e-02 3.30667831e-02
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7,379 | 7,380 | "War Horse" and "The Help" are the SAME movie! I watched them on my laptop and they BOTH have a 90 minute scene where I just check Facebook. | [-1.01860091e-01 -1.90952774e-02 -5.68448976e-02 -3.32772508e-02
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7,380 | 7,381 | How do the Chinese select their baby names? They chuck a tin can down the stairs Ping Wong ching Pang | [-5.66737428e-02 7.28900656e-02 1.49198920e-02 5.56353442e-02
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7,381 | 7,382 | ME: I hate him with 1/16th of the fibers of my being GUY: Not every fiber? ME: I hate alot of people. I'm not wasting all my fibers on 1 guy | [ 5.92747703e-02 3.78438421e-02 9.04801339e-02 1.02302851e-02
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7,382 | 7,383 | I've become quite independent since my wife left... I just put my second load of washing through the microwave. | [ 2.54258187e-03 1.11241720e-03 5.91820590e-02 8.41942802e-02
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7,383 | 7,384 | *puts sunglasses on a watermelon* *punches watermelon* "WHERE ARE ALL THE DRUGS!" *slams hands down* "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DID THEM ALL?!" | [ 5.42887487e-03 8.95206332e-02 2.16857269e-02 -1.31713739e-02
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7,384 | 7,385 | I was going to tell you a joke about a cow. But its udderly ridiculous | [-5.60254650e-03 -6.82934076e-02 -5.63469110e-03 4.56690229e-02
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7,385 | 7,386 | Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her! | [-6.36070920e-03 -5.91598079e-02 7.56756589e-02 9.93556455e-02
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7,386 | 7,387 | Wanna hear a joke? Lifetime movies. | [-9.16564316e-02 -5.50018251e-02 -1.45163666e-02 3.27053443e-02
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7,387 | 7,388 | Paid $50 for a device that has a motion detector that emits a sound to scare off neighbor's cat....she's out there rubbing up against it now | [ 2.69296300e-02 3.34729237e-04 1.05511665e-01 -1.83246117e-02
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7,388 | 7,389 | Height of .... Height of Stupidity - Looking through the keyhole of a glass door.. Height of embarrassment - when you find other person looking through the other side of the same keyhole.. | [ 9.88724455e-02 1.43814087e-03 1.67869439e-03 2.90179942e-02
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7,389 | 7,390 | I got banned from the hardware store Every time I walk in, all the stud finders start beeping. | [-6.01763017e-02 -3.34523581e-02 5.69518059e-02 -5.44902496e-02
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7,390 | 7,391 | Pretty Punny! What did the cat stripper say when she found out she was being replaced by a younger pussy?????? You've gotta be Kitten me! | [ 2.05073953e-02 -1.33411894e-02 2.24508252e-02 1.50443325e-02
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7,391 | 7,392 | Whenever someone says, "It's getting hot in here" I automatically think, "So take off all your clothes. | [-9.95898433e-03 -2.16088761e-02 1.80479232e-02 8.51869807e-02
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7,392 | 7,393 | I just said "bye - bye" when I ended a phone call, and now I'm debating on if I should have my milk & cookies before or after recess. | [ 1.41127100e-02 -3.22225550e-03 6.99903443e-02 1.95554476e-02
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7,393 | 7,394 | Short seal joke A baby seal walks into a club | [-2.44046878e-02 2.03784369e-02 -7.29219336e-03 7.65864402e-02
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7,394 | 7,395 | The first time God made the universe, he skipped leg day. All men were weeping creatures, who ended in bloody torsos and begged for death. | [ 2.60936078e-02 1.22199818e-01 1.68970637e-02 9.89731252e-02
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7,395 | 7,396 | I hate Housework!!! You do the dishes!! You do the Laundry!! ...and then 6 months later you have to do it all over again! | [-1.82499096e-03 4.23820578e-02 5.97678795e-02 -6.15127617e-03
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7,396 | 7,397 | My mom drove her car into a tree. She sure found out how a Mercedes bends. | [ 2.49405330e-05 1.05401203e-01 4.08677347e-02 8.12993497e-02
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7,397 | 7,398 | What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion? [](/dumbfabric)"You don't have the *Gaul* to do it!" | [-4.89059463e-02 5.97814247e-02 2.25993562e-02 -1.96331237e-02
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7,398 | 7,399 | Why did the raging alcoholic throw his wife off a cliff? Tequila | [ 2.94194762e-02 5.27828112e-02 -9.76019073e-03 9.12761092e-02
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7,399 | 7,400 | *judge bangs gavel on desk* *judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning* *judge tell gavel he loves her* *judge marries gavel* | [-6.82880729e-02 1.08425781e-01 7.02517703e-02 -1.27861351e-02
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-1.24490568e-02 6.65153414e-02 6.77779466e-02 -8.31308514e-02] |
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