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2,300 | 2,301 | What do you call an elf made of lego? Legolass | [-5.64524755e-02 5.13904430e-02 -7.20681697e-02 -2.58243065e-02
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2,301 | 2,302 | Have you guys seen this? Have you heard about this? Wow, what a tewwific audience. | [-3.07861939e-02 2.50217621e-03 -5.71986623e-02 3.04396302e-02
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2,302 | 2,303 | Your vehicle has this magical lever That shows which direction you're turning | [ 4.64224182e-02 -2.12269239e-02 7.52671622e-03 -1.39977122e-02
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2,303 | 2,304 | I have a friend visiting from out of town. What's your fave place in LA to look at your phone?? | [ 3.94677743e-02 -6.65253252e-02 6.51742741e-02 -5.46506271e-02
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2,304 | 2,305 | Why are there more female than male archeologists? They always want to find a new bone. | [ 3.18366326e-02 7.65944645e-03 8.57022852e-02 4.42932062e-02
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2,305 | 2,306 | But were you called "dream wife" on the internet today? Oh, you were. By the same guy? I see. | [-1.04832016e-02 -1.99616589e-02 7.28181303e-02 5.83497621e-02
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2,306 | 2,307 | Life would be simpler if you were notified when you were added to lists IRL. "Your crush" has added you to list "Friend Zone". | [-8.08183178e-02 -9.00213420e-02 1.22341095e-02 3.61745283e-02
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2,307 | 2,308 | Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do. | [ 2.55192928e-02 -6.15232773e-02 6.48572668e-02 -2.04059668e-02
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2,308 | 2,309 | What's the difference between my dick and my paycheck? I don't have to beg my wife to blow my paycheck. | [-3.71439010e-02 6.71346858e-03 -2.01564599e-02 4.73594433e-03
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2,309 | 2,310 | Cigarettes aren't addicting Just look at me. I smoke all the time, and I'm not addicted. | [ 7.84065351e-02 -5.25697879e-02 8.00557376e-04 3.88249271e-02
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2,310 | 2,311 | What is a baby's favorite Fall Out Boy song? Thanks For The Mammaries | [-6.68985173e-02 -2.92137619e-02 -1.17193023e-02 5.49894804e-03
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2,311 | 2,312 | Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit. One fly cuts a fart. The other one says, "Hey! I'm eatin' here!" | [ 2.09956430e-03 1.77150127e-02 1.84578821e-02 2.41853464e-02
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2,312 | 2,313 | 9 called to ask how much bleach it takes to get purple ink out of carpet and because she's so cute and at her dad's I went with all of it! | [-2.12966632e-02 -1.91831570e-02 7.50676468e-02 1.68803241e-03
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2,313 | 2,314 | Most animals don't like gore. But leeches are suckers for blood. | [ 1.08903758e-02 5.29560558e-02 2.29939283e-03 4.41672578e-02
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2,314 | 2,315 | Who's gonna be the next queen of R&B? I don't know yet but she's gonna be Beyondce! | [-1.11398343e-02 -1.82875037e-01 -1.82232708e-02 -2.97170412e-02
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2,315 | 2,316 | New Reality Show: America's Next Top Proctologist. You only advance to the next round if you get two thumbs up. | [-5.86843491e-03 -9.28105861e-02 -4.30533253e-02 -3.27130072e-02
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2,316 | 2,317 | When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house ? When the door is open ! | [ 3.69913764e-02 -4.87833768e-02 4.06167433e-02 6.93046153e-02
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2,317 | 2,318 | What idiot called it endangered ocean population instead of deficiency? | [-1.63860321e-02 6.66562989e-02 -4.08350267e-02 6.23070039e-02
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2,318 | 2,319 | No end in sight... I can't see an end. I have no control. I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard. | [ 5.47170192e-02 -1.06862552e-01 5.63126542e-02 4.34501506e-02
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2,319 | 2,320 | To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night, I'm not letting you out! | [-7.07776053e-03 5.91370389e-02 1.24098361e-02 6.70133084e-02
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2,320 | 2,321 | Did you hear about the terrorist suicide bombers rave party? I heard they had a blast. | [ 1.75830983e-02 1.32870367e-02 -6.40184944e-03 4.72555012e-02
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2,321 | 2,322 | Why would you never starve to death in a desert? Because you'd probably die of dehydration first. While a human can only go about a week without water, it can go up to three weeks without food. | [ 5.0382853e-02 3.8455334e-02 -5.1688261e-02 9.6611463e-02
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2,322 | 2,323 | What does a homeless man gets for Christmas? A cold. | [-2.02164333e-02 8.96231979e-02 1.73896290e-02 7.76952133e-02
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2,323 | 2,324 | *cop approaches me* "have u seen this girl?" *holds up photo* "yeah I've seen her, NAKED" *hi-5* "haha but seriously shes in my trunk" | [-6.27423674e-02 8.93693119e-02 6.07740954e-02 8.24405998e-02
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2,324 | 2,325 | It's hard telling how many Kleenex I've fathered. | [ 3.94853242e-02 -5.01918085e-02 7.48347491e-02 1.76898320e-04
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2,325 | 2,326 | According to my neighbor's journal, I have "boundary issues." | [ 5.15856184e-02 2.16239318e-02 5.14619201e-02 1.33548174e-02
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2,326 | 2,327 | "Bear with me" -A Russian bear trainer | [-7.44576305e-02 7.82154649e-02 2.87882742e-02 1.02229558e-01
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2,327 | 2,328 | ME: look a possum HER: actually it's spelled opossum ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking HER: actually it's spelled know | [ 1.33506267e-03 -8.55286419e-03 2.50606593e-02 6.87297359e-02
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2,329 | 2,330 | *sends you a pic of a kitten* *you reply, "Awe"* *face melts* *responds, "We've been over this already, it's "Aww"* *deletes your number* | [-6.94608539e-02 5.00139743e-02 8.85182172e-02 2.12558992e-02
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2,330 | 2,331 | A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots. He goes home sober. | [-4.18169163e-02 5.60545698e-02 -4.69068671e-03 4.42059003e-02
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2,331 | 2,332 | I had the worst night last night.. The ghost of Gloria Gaynor appeared in front of my bed. At first I was afraid, then I was petrified. | [ 5.22635058e-02 4.00652885e-02 3.38033177e-02 7.95716047e-02
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2,332 | 2,333 | Did you guys hear about the talking polar bear? He's very arcticulate! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! | [ 3.53408456e-02 3.89906019e-03 4.01176838e-03 8.15329775e-02
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2,333 | 2,334 | May be behind but what do you call a Curiosity with only 2 wheels Bi-curious | [ 6.83138743e-02 -3.00641265e-02 -5.22502512e-02 5.65329529e-02
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2,334 | 2,335 | "how'd your football team football today?" those footballers footballed quite well...really good footballin' | [-9.09032226e-02 7.22614899e-02 4.13793139e-03 -4.48975265e-02
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2,335 | 2,336 | What do you call the 1 yard line at the Super Bowl? ...A running play - Obviously... | [-3.55054662e-02 9.70281940e-03 -6.29792437e-02 -1.74598861e-02
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2,336 | 2,337 | Spent the day attempting crazy driving stunts because I forgot to read the fine print at the bottom of a car commercial. | [ 1.77848227e-02 2.98153814e-02 4.99599501e-02 2.77555194e-02
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2,337 | 2,338 | ActivityBuddy A new app is sweeping the AppStore, using GPS technology similar to Grindr/ Tinder, ActivityBuddy matches up people who enjoy the same activity. The #1 activity? Anonymous gay sex. | [-5.15388809e-02 -4.88837734e-02 1.57037433e-02 -7.10647851e-02
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2,338 | 2,339 | If someone stole Sherlock Holmes' magnifying glass, how would he search for clues? Using watSonar | [-1.65886935e-02 5.53949922e-02 -1.92733984e-02 -1.73898265e-02
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2,339 | 2,340 | I went to the doctor yesterday I told him my penis suddenly turned into a tiny green ball. He said I may have peacock syndrome. | [ 3.25571932e-02 1.96405631e-02 7.11074620e-02 5.58628626e-02
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2,340 | 2,341 | How do you make a space party? -You PLANet | [ 4.21997420e-02 -3.37533429e-02 5.02666309e-02 -8.12973827e-03
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2,341 | 2,342 | Why do Steven Avery's victims see him naked from the waist down? Because his lawyers keep filing away his briefs. | [-6.97902171e-03 1.13983318e-01 -3.52391899e-02 2.52826959e-02
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2,342 | 2,343 | Christian Bale won Best Supporting Actor for playing a mentally unstable drug addict.And then Charlie Sheen was like, "You can get an award for that? | [-1.00844964e-01 2.77848728e-02 -5.72652444e-02 -3.01044229e-02
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2,343 | 2,344 | What is the worst type of sand to have in your pants? Sandusky | [-2.81347744e-02 5.35752214e-02 3.84334624e-02 2.06108149e-02
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2,344 | 2,345 | Batman can safe the world ,but clark kent | [ 5.33727929e-03 5.64380959e-02 -1.59325063e-01 -4.31190208e-02
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2,345 | 2,346 | Why are there no podiatrist generals? Because all they know is de feet | [ 3.54421139e-03 1.58182438e-02 9.30751339e-02 -2.84776650e-02
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2,346 | 2,347 | Egyptians don't walk like that. | [-1.17663685e-02 9.14590880e-02 1.14890486e-02 4.90740277e-02
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2,347 | 2,348 | Fart tutor wanted, must have references | [ 9.33868461e-04 9.28028114e-03 -3.42358463e-02 4.93172742e-02
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2,349 | 2,350 | I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that. | [-1.46951722e-02 -2.00412590e-02 -3.24593708e-02 -1.13803660e-02
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2,350 | 2,351 | Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them? | [ 1.04230367e-01 3.31259221e-02 5.54484613e-02 4.77959216e-02
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2,352 | 2,353 | I like Peter Dinklage in Game of Thrones But I like him better in smaller roles. | [ 1.63413566e-02 -5.77852270e-03 -2.29038186e-02 -8.71705860e-02
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2,353 | 2,354 | How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween Wear a snorkel ! | [ 5.26515469e-02 5.12967557e-02 3.23468191e-03 -1.03579217e-03
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2,354 | 2,355 | ME: hey baby HOT GIRL: ME: HOT GIRL: ME: HOT GIRL: ME: *looks closer* HOT GRILL: ME: oh | [-3.60846035e-02 8.02960843e-02 -5.29790595e-02 7.09400401e-02
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2,355 | 2,356 | Ain't no sandwich when she's gone. | [-1.81422438e-02 -2.07212623e-02 2.88875364e-02 -1.56468339e-02
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2,356 | 2,357 | What do a redhead and a freezer have in common? They've both got ice on the inside. | [-9.38398317e-02 -4.22641188e-02 -3.79787870e-02 9.24474746e-02
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2,357 | 2,358 | Alabama changed the legal drinking age to 33. They're trying to keep it out of high schools. | [ 2.90406812e-02 4.38770950e-02 5.61455730e-04 -3.90621200e-02
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2,358 | 2,359 | Why are men smarter while having sex? Because they're plugged into a know it all. | [ 7.79027566e-02 -2.97958050e-02 1.11426702e-02 9.98147056e-02
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2,359 | 2,360 | I think it's time I throw away my fleshlight My masturbation is getting a little out of hand. | [-4.14637988e-03 -2.51114108e-02 1.00071967e-01 4.96565178e-02
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2,360 | 2,361 | What do you get when Italians join ISIS? Baked Yazidi | [ 2.25786935e-03 1.11714438e-01 -5.87152541e-02 -4.23584925e-03
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2,361 | 2,362 | LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The dye used to color Sesame Street's Elmo red is made from the blood of virgin Canadians. | [ 3.93048441e-03 1.81442946e-02 2.37511117e-02 6.12880364e-02
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2,362 | 2,363 | What's the difference between a Lentil and a Chickpea? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a Lentil on my face. | [-2.10578972e-03 -1.68169644e-02 6.05211221e-03 -5.68040996e-04
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2,363 | 2,364 | if the plan is "eat pancakes now figure out life later" then yes everything is going according to plan | [-3.64407599e-02 3.09288432e-03 2.19827164e-02 -2.32051383e-03
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2,364 | 2,365 | Tequila everyday keeps sobriety away | [ 3.92833091e-02 7.03494102e-02 -1.73167828e-02 1.00159869e-01
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2,365 | 2,366 | How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb? Who wants to know? | [ 6.48471043e-02 2.53542024e-03 1.88626554e-02 6.24645390e-02
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2,366 | 2,367 | You know how they say "if you snooze you lose"... I snooze every morning and have never lost any sleep over it. | [ 5.02970926e-02 4.87059243e-02 3.55465822e-02 1.10258535e-01
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2,367 | 2,368 | Why doesn't George R.R. Martin use a Twitter? Because he kills all 140 characters. | [ 3.53840739e-02 -3.35964039e-02 -2.59467326e-02 -3.47476639e-02
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2,368 | 2,369 | This one time I swallowed a gum and my mom told me that "it stays in your system forever," so I swallowed a table to stick it under it. | [-3.50203253e-02 -2.38999631e-02 -4.46697436e-02 3.41940671e-02
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2,369 | 2,370 | Steve Irwin will always be in our hearts Just like the stingray needle in his. | [-3.15898769e-02 8.34793821e-02 -2.41383612e-02 -2.43844017e-02
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2,370 | 2,371 | What do you call a record of everything that goes in and out of your ass? An ANALog. | [-4.01602387e-02 -1.11357411e-02 -4.89967689e-02 -2.63810689e-05
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2,371 | 2,372 | Met a hooker who said she'd do anything for $5 So I had her repost a joke for me that's been posted 5,000 times in the past week | [-1.56454921e-01 -5.23215793e-02 -4.12213104e-03 6.13631532e-02
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2,372 | 2,373 | Autocorrect changed Italian to Taliban, so now I'm sure the NSA is super interested in my ricotta cheese. | [-2.97363400e-02 -5.47818355e-02 -5.17556705e-02 -1.77432261e-02
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2,373 | 2,374 | You know something, Jon Snow Lord Commander: "So, Jon Snow, is it true you have lain with a Wildling girl?" Jon Snow: "Yes, sir, it is true. But I have no Ygrittes." | [-3.55613977e-02 5.54029308e-02 2.23317239e-02 9.46353227e-02
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2,374 | 2,375 | Yes, I've been in love before. I've also had salmonella poisoning and you don't see me running back for seconds. | [ 1.54690573e-03 -4.16193977e-02 1.29862249e-01 4.83100601e-02
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2,375 | 2,376 | The secret to making a good egg is the way you ap-poach it. *a man in the audience has a stroke and dies from being so angry at this joke* | [-2.32855808e-02 -9.31215752e-03 4.96171676e-02 -1.28292087e-02
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2,376 | 2,377 | I became a vegan yesterday... ...but I tell you, it was a missed-steak. | [-6.45447755e-03 2.82990932e-03 1.80901140e-02 7.89002553e-02
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2,377 | 2,378 | Wanna see a banana split? Wait until it turns black and tell it he's the father. | [-4.53252159e-02 -5.31880595e-02 -1.98069848e-02 -1.78350788e-02
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2,378 | 2,379 | Just tried to read an article that wasn't a list. Bunch of words, no GIFs, and it required me to think?? 0/10 would not recommend. | [-4.76986468e-02 -5.23132011e-02 1.32856693e-03 1.54269701e-02
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2,379 | 2,380 | Just picked up some cologne from the .99 cent store because chicks dig it when I smell like back child support and restraining orders | [-9.91757587e-02 -2.46472750e-02 7.10144937e-02 9.06048529e-03
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2,380 | 2,381 | How do you get a hippie chick pregnant? Cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest | [-8.66555572e-02 2.31379457e-02 6.68554232e-02 3.70251089e-02
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2,381 | 2,382 | I got a new job! I got a great new job working for The Mint. I'm gonna make so much money! Also steal a bunch. | [-1.46502405e-01 3.38096842e-02 4.08902578e-02 -4.87459041e-02
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2,382 | 2,383 | I'm holding a party for people who can never reach orgasm If you can't come let me know. | [-3.41002420e-02 -6.39979839e-02 2.81556044e-02 1.97306443e-02
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2,383 | 2,384 | I forgot, what is the name they call themselves, the group that wants to form a new country in what is now Syria and Irak? They are the Nemesis of the USA. | [-2.07033921e-02 -4.29292768e-02 -3.46046016e-02 -5.04459180e-02
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2,384 | 2,385 | Do you guys remember that party at Bill Cosby's last weekend? Me neither. | [ 1.31177213e-02 5.09211943e-02 -1.62519980e-02 -2.33991165e-02
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2,385 | 2,386 | You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity? | [-6.31709397e-02 -2.21098587e-02 1.06784806e-01 2.36397628e-02
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2,386 | 2,387 | Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you... you always get burned in the end. | [-9.39546153e-03 -5.61207570e-02 1.88741032e-02 1.07335940e-01
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2,387 | 2,388 | A way you can tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist ask them to pronounce the word 'unionized' | [-2.06315126e-02 -4.87134196e-02 3.43085104e-03 -1.79842510e-03
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2,388 | 2,389 | My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto? "Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!" | [ 1.53538119e-02 1.04067191e-01 -6.13970906e-02 3.66212651e-02
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2,389 | 2,390 | Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else. | [-6.69417530e-02 -6.29393943e-03 5.92123605e-02 -7.23654851e-02
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2,390 | 2,391 | If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don't need it to add up all the ladies you get.... | [-2.40025204e-02 -1.99704710e-02 1.30477361e-02 1.49286194e-02
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2,391 | 2,392 | Why is it fun to play with matches ? They're lit. | [ 2.65999231e-02 -3.83615005e-03 6.99372292e-02 -2.18148809e-02
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2,392 | 2,393 | Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the restroom? The P is silent. | [ 8.06213021e-02 -5.36577739e-02 -6.68728538e-03 -4.04318571e-02
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2,393 | 2,394 | Why are lumberjacks bad at online video games? Because their connections are so weak they are always logging out. | [ 3.13306078e-02 -3.69471461e-02 -1.24320621e-02 -4.26829197e-02
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2,394 | 2,395 | The bad news: I shaved off my beard. The good news: none of my co-workers recognize me and have stopped talking to me. | [ 3.72339822e-02 9.83535498e-02 7.52484649e-02 -5.34014218e-03
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2,395 | 2,396 | I wish my thumbs had the power of Pandora. I would give people the thumbs down & they'd instantly disappear & be replaced w/ a better one. | [-6.70358017e-02 4.17732932e-02 4.93406616e-02 -9.41009894e-02
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2,396 | 2,397 | What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells | [-2.80597769e-02 -1.01875737e-02 2.41902769e-02 4.64553647e-02
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2,397 | 2,398 | Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives. | [-9.10435710e-03 6.40907288e-02 2.72987522e-02 5.36543988e-02
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2,398 | 2,399 | What happened to the dog that fell into a lens-grinding machine? He made a spectacle of himself. | [-3.14052738e-02 2.93710306e-02 4.86395881e-02 6.17791079e-02
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2,399 | 2,400 | My girlfriend played the cello and I loved it. But recently she gave up the cello and took up the violin, so I had to break up with her. Because I'm all about that bass, no treble. | [-1.49336243e-02 -3.08461080e-04 7.87775740e-02 -9.06633064e-02
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