ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
4,701	After several drinks last night, I had a great Buzz. Unfortunately I was no longer able to get a Woody.
4,702	Africa and Asia are playing baseball Asia strikes out Africa, Europe
4,703	I hate people who steal the punchline. I'm keeping mine a secret.
4,704	Genderfluid? I just call that semen
4,705	Meet the parents
4,706	Hey, NSA,,,, if you're going to read my posts, would it kill you to like them?
4,707	I will marry a woman if she knows homer is Not a Simpson and Plato is Not clay
4,708	My vacuum cleaner is so good it collects dust even when I don't use it.
4,709	Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother? He: My name is paul.
4,710	It was time to show my girlfriend how i really feel.. so i showed her my hands..
4,711	Investment question If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy? A: The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper.
4,712	Today, a midget insulted me, so I had no choice but to punch him in the face... I never thought I'd stoop so low
4,713	[strong] Zoroark, male, 50 Sebas
4,714	Been throwing up gang signs all morning. Must've eaten some expired gang signs
4,715	One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet... She died a week later.
4,716	Thought of this the other day as a 22 y/o... How do you win the vegetable race? You need to get ahead of lettuce
4,717	What's the best thing about being the 'third-wheel' for your friends in relationships? Nothing. It always fucking sucks.
4,718	What do you call a productive Asian? China get something done.
4,719	What do you call making your booty clap for likes and upvotes? Social netwerking
4,720	Hubs proposed to me with a really cool flash mob and a medley of Nirvana hits. JK. He was like, "I wanna marry you." And I was like, "K."
4,721	Friend: Will we be hearing the patter of tiny feet soon? Me: grabbing her arm too hard You know about my squirell army
4,722	Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn't have known it's summer.
4,723	I'm teaching my dog to jump through burning hoops. This is my 12th dog.
4,724	There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
4,725	"I love the north pole and hate the south pole!, wait I love the south pole and hate the north pole!" ~ a bi-polar bear
4,726	Timmy walks in on his mother getting dressed... Now you're thinking of the time you saw your mothers breasts.
4,727	When Gregor Mendel did his groundbreaking experiments with pea plants, ... ...it was a classic case of publish or parish.
4,728	*Pearly Gates St. Peter: No way! Me as angel: It's the rules! SP: But the drugs and sweari- M: ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN! Snoop: Fo' Shizzle.
4,729	Why the new Apple Pencil isn't included with the new iPad Pro. There is no point.
4,730	Happier than a witch in a broom shop.
4,731	I asked my best friend if he was gay or not. I never got a straight answer.
4,732	A man fell into a river. Why did he refuse help? He was in The Nile
4,733	Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide? A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.
4,734	God likes Saturn more than he likes earth Because if he had liked it, he would of put a ring on it.
4,735	What is a buttress? A female goat.
4,736	How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Have you ever tried to take a rib from a nigger?
4,737	Did you hear about the man whose vape device exploded while he was smoking it? It was a mind-blowing experience.
4,738	How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Phone her.
4,739	I've decided to start a new line of 'extra-shatter' measuring sticks. Because rulers were made to be broken.
4,740	Why is there a fence around the graveyard? Because people are dying to get in!
4,741	It's like "society" expects you to wear "different clothes" every day.
4,742	What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once? A trifle!
4,743	Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest? They're always eager for more on their pate.
4,744	Why did Mickey get hit but Donald didn't Because Donald Duck.
4,745	How do you know if your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick would taste like blood
4,746	I wish I could smack the stupid out of people and if you think this status is about you smack yourself for me!
4,747	Why isn't Mexico in the Summer Olympics? Everyone who can run, jump, and swim are already over here.
4,748	You're only as good as your last tweet.
4,749	A Russian goes for an eye check up The Doctor shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY Doctor: Can you read this ? Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.
4,750	Just a friendly reminder that the world supposedly ends in 73 days.
4,751	Recently, a Catholic hair stylist made news traveling around slandering the pope and Catholicism, angering many members of the faith. The pope denounced him... calling him a "hair-a-tick"
4,752	If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
4,753	Knock Knock Who's there ? Cliff ! Cliff who ? Cliff hanger !
4,754	Little Timmy lived in Flint But little Timmy is no more For what he thought was H2O Was PbSO4
4,755	Ha! Major typo on page 28 of the new iTunes agreement. Anyone else catch that?
4,756	Do not judge a book by its cover, unless there's a Swastika on the cover
4,757	I'm bad at misleading people Not
4,758	What do you call a man, with no arms or legs, in the middle of the ocean? fucked
4,759	What happened to the cross-eyed circumcist? She got the sack
4,760	What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't like my pizza burnt.
4,761	Give a fish a worm, he lives another day Teach a fish to worm, he becomes the best breakdancing fish around
4,762	What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
4,763	What did the man without a voice box say?
4,764	Sharp and short! Husband : I love you! Wife : Not today!
4,765	My girlfriend broke up with me. When she did, I gave her a note that said "Great Job!" I wanted things to end on a positive note.
4,766	I must admit, my "Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car.
4,767	You've seen those mobile trucks for grooming pets, I just saw a mobile barbershop truck for humans and thought... I wonder if a dog drives that?
4,768	Flowers bee like
4,769	Read more Apple jokes
4,770	/u/kn0thing
4,771	My dad used to warn me about anal He said "Son, this might hurt a bit."
4,772	What does Harry Potter say when he wants a cigarette? Tobaccio
4,773	Woke up and saw my shadow and it looked fat. Six more weeks of self-loathing.
4,774	which came first the chicken or the egg? The rooster
4,775	What do you call when a female physicist decides to try dating women for a change? The double slit experiment.
4,776	What do you call crazy testicles? Cuckoonuts
4,777	50 Cent used to be 1 Dollar... But now he's only half the man he was.
4,778	[my wife and I watch a drunk white girl fall out of a cab] I've never drank that much.... [wife looks at me in disgust] ugh, ok I have.
4,779	what did socrates learn from the T-rex? i dino
4,780	There is an American Olympic diver named "Steele Johnson". He could have a great job in adult films with that name...
4,781	Have you heard the one about the ceiling fan? Oh, it's over your head.
4,782	I bought a Christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself.I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room."
4,783	Pepper spray does not taste like pepper.
4,784	What do you call a search engine that sings Christmas songs? Michael google.
4,785	Past, present and future walk into a bar... it was tense
4,786	Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ? Your teeth !
4,787	Where did the Martian put his teacup? On his flying saucer.
4,788	What do you call a cross between a skunk, a wolverine, and a porcupine? "Sir" from a distance.
4,789	What do you tell a smelly Japanese person? Takashawa.
4,790	I like my coffee like I like my women Iced cold and milky white
4,791	What's do you call a tampon tutorial? A demenstruation
4,792	An environmentalist group found a place with the world's highest recycling rate... /r/Jokes
4,793	Mall Santa: what do you want for Christmas? Me: drugs. Mall Santa whispers meet me in the food court in 20 minutes.
4,794	There are 2 things in this world that i hate. 1. racism 2. black people
4,795	KING SOLOMON: I shall cut it in two, half for each of you. WOMAN: sure ME: OH GOD NO! KING SOLOMON: ok this is clearly your meatball sub.
4,796	A Priest and a Rabbi were walking down the street... when they passed a little boy. The priest leans toward the rabbi and says, "Lets's fuck him!" The rabbi asks, "Out of what?"
4,797	ok honey, you're going to love this movie. all you need to know is that "robocop" is short for "robot cop"
4,798	I guess if your a meth head You've only got one sleep until Christmas
4,799	What's the most important meal of the day to help you lose pounds? Brexit
4,800	Guy says, "damn, there should be a law against having sex this good!" The girl said nothing, for the drugs had left her unconscious.

4,701

After several drinks last night, I had a great Buzz. Unfortunately I was no longer able to get a Woody.

4,702

Africa and Asia are playing baseball Asia strikes out Africa, Europe

4,703

I hate people who steal the punchline. I'm keeping mine a secret.

4,704

Genderfluid? I just call that semen

4,705

Meet the parents

4,706

Hey, NSA,,,, if you're going to read my posts, would it kill you to like them?

4,707

I will marry a woman if she knows homer is Not a Simpson and Plato is Not clay

4,708

My vacuum cleaner is so good it collects dust even when I don't use it.

4,709

Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother? He: My name is paul.

4,710

It was time to show my girlfriend how i really feel.. so i showed her my hands..

4,711

Investment question If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy? A: The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper.

4,712

Today, a midget insulted me, so I had no choice but to punch him in the face... I never thought I'd stoop so low

4,713

[strong] Zoroark, male, 50 Sebas

4,714

Been throwing up gang signs all morning. Must've eaten some expired gang signs

4,715

One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet... She died a week later.

4,716

Thought of this the other day as a 22 y/o... How do you win the vegetable race? You need to get ahead of lettuce

4,717

What's the best thing about being the 'third-wheel' for your friends in relationships? Nothing. It always fucking sucks.

4,718

What do you call a productive Asian? China get something done.

4,719

What do you call making your booty clap for likes and upvotes? Social netwerking

4,720

Hubs proposed to me with a really cool flash mob and a medley of Nirvana hits. JK. He was like, "I wanna marry you." And I was like, "K."

4,721

Friend: Will we be hearing the patter of tiny feet soon? Me: *grabbing her arm too hard* You know about my squirell army

4,722

Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn't have known it's summer.

4,723

I'm teaching my dog to jump through burning hoops. This is my 12th dog.

4,724

There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.

4,725

"I love the north pole and hate the south pole!, wait I love the south pole and hate the north pole!" ~ a bi-polar bear

4,726

Timmy walks in on his mother getting dressed... Now you're thinking of the time you saw your mothers breasts.

4,727

When Gregor Mendel did his groundbreaking experiments with pea plants, ... ...it was a classic case of publish or parish.

4,728

*Pearly Gates St. Peter: No way! Me as angel: It's the rules! SP: But the drugs and sweari- M: ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN! Snoop: Fo' Shizzle.

4,729

Why the new Apple Pencil isn't included with the new iPad Pro. There is no point.

4,730

Happier than a witch in a broom shop.

4,731

I asked my best friend if he was gay or not. I never got a straight answer.

4,732

A man fell into a river. Why did he refuse help? He was in The Nile

4,733

Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide? A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.

4,734

God likes Saturn more than he likes earth Because if he had liked it, he would of put a ring on it.

4,735

What is a buttress? A female goat.

4,736

How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Have you ever tried to take a rib from a nigger?

4,737

Did you hear about the man whose vape device exploded while he was smoking it? It was a mind-blowing experience.

4,738

How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex? Phone her.

4,739

I've decided to start a new line of 'extra-shatter' measuring sticks. Because rulers were made to be broken.

4,740

Why is there a fence around the graveyard? Because people are dying to get in!

4,741

It's like "society" expects you to wear "different clothes" every day.

4,742

What do you call a rifle that fires 3 bullets at once? A trifle!

4,743

Why do the bald seem to handle life so much better than the rest? They're always eager for more on their pate.

4,744

Why did Mickey get hit but Donald didn't Because Donald Duck.

4,745

How do you know if your sister is on her period? Your dad's dick would taste like blood

4,746

I wish I could smack the stupid out of people and if you think this status is about you smack yourself for me!

4,747

Why isn't Mexico in the Summer Olympics? Everyone who can run, jump, and swim are already over here.

4,748

You're only as good as your last tweet.

4,749

A Russian goes for an eye check up The Doctor shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY Doctor: Can you read this ? Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.

4,750

Just a friendly reminder that the world supposedly ends in 73 days.

4,751

Recently, a Catholic hair stylist made news traveling around slandering the pope and Catholicism, angering many members of the faith. The pope denounced him... calling him a "hair-a-tick"

4,752

If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.

4,753

Knock Knock Who's there ? Cliff ! Cliff who ? Cliff hanger !

4,754

Little Timmy lived in Flint But little Timmy is no more For what he thought was H2O Was PbSO4

4,755

Ha! Major typo on page 28 of the new iTunes agreement. Anyone else catch that?

4,756

Do not judge a book by its cover, unless there's a Swastika on the cover

4,757

I'm bad at misleading people Not

4,758

What do you call a man, with no arms or legs, in the middle of the ocean? fucked

4,759

What happened to the cross-eyed circumcist? She got the sack

4,760

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't like my pizza burnt.

4,761

Give a fish a worm, he lives another day Teach a fish to worm, he becomes the best breakdancing fish around

4,762

What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

4,763

What did the man without a voice box say?

4,764

Sharp and short! **Husband** : I love you! **Wife** : Not today!

4,765

My girlfriend broke up with me. When she did, I gave her a note that said "Great Job!" I wanted things to end on a positive note.

4,766

I must admit, my "Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car.

4,767

You've seen those mobile trucks for grooming pets, I just saw a mobile barbershop truck for humans and thought... I wonder if a dog drives that?

4,768

Flowers bee like

4,769