ysharma/short_jokes · Datasets at Hugging Face

ID int64 1 232k	Joke stringlengths 10 200
4,401	16 Y.O. employee: "There's a dirty diaper outside. What do I do with it?" Me: "Is there a live baby in it?" Him: "No." Me: "Throw it away."
4,402	What do you call a clever joke that doesn't make it to the front page? A clever joke, but nobody will have Reddit...
4,403	FUN FACT: The Olsen twins were actually triplets but Mary ate her sister Kate in utero and that's why she has two names
4,404	Her text: I'm tanning. Call you when I'm done. My thoughts: SHE'S NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED
4,405	Success is measured by how long it takes your boss to notice you're not at your desk.
4,406	YOLO You Only Love Owls.
4,407	My dentist is hysterical:"just let me put the tip in. It won't hurt. I have drugs to numb the pain" Ha. should go see him professionally!
4,408	What do you call corn with a sense of humor? Laughing stalk
4,409	Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ? Someone else's !
4,410	Why does Game of Thrones always kill off its main characters? For the good of the watch.
4,411	what is a woman to cant give birth? bruce jenner
4,412	Republicans, don't forget to set your clocks back 50 years
4,413	Q: Why are farmers cruel? A: They pull corn by the ears.
4,414	The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
4,415	Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb? A: He holds it in the air and the world revolves around him
4,416	What's the difference between donald trump and a bucket of shit? the bucket
4,417	What do u call a girl having no boyfriend?
4,418	The distance this fish swam... Is a SCALER not a vector.
4,419	My new thesaurus is truly awful! I honestly have no words to describe how angry I am!
4,420	what do you get when you mix 9th grade literature with alcohol? Tequila mockingbird.
4,421	What do lawyers and sperm have in common? 1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being.
4,422	I slipped on some black ice yesterday... I thought it was regular ice until I realized my wallet was gone.
4,423	My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous... The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
4,424	What's the difference between a racist person and a racist skeleton? They both are insulting, but the skeleton doesn't have any body to share racist jokes with!
4,425	Why should you never play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.
4,426	What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Laundry.
4,427	I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.
4,428	Ana from Frozen was upset it didn't snow on her Wedding day, but everything has a silver lining because she got 8 inches that night
4,429	In the time it took you to read this, Woody Allen made another film and it starred some big names and it was ok and now it's on DVD already
4,430	Yo mama is so fat that... ...she should really be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem
4,431	There's now a morning after pill for guys. It changes your blood type.
4,432	My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she's in for a shock.
4,433	Because the unspeakable can also happen to men I bought myself a rape alarm. I'll be fucked if this thing doesn't work.
4,434	What do a Professional Fifa Player and a Rapist have in common? They're both going to score, even if you don't want them to.
4,435	What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He's not coming.
4,436	at waffle house "do you want bacon or sausage?" 'YES'
4,437	How much space does fungi need to grow? As Mushroom as possible.
4,438	What is the most common question asked by iPhone users? "Does anyone have a charger I could use?"
4,439	I wanted to share this great joke I heard about a farmer fixing his fence... ...but it's a re-post.
4,440	My horse was way more aggressive than usual today it threw me off
4,441	I'm simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min.
4,442	"Jessica wasn't usually dead. So when we found her dead we immediately knew something was wrong." -Investigation Discovery
4,443	The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill
4,444	Today is "Jamaican hair day" at work. I'm dreading it.
4,445	I got a case of beer for my wife! It was a good trade!
4,446	Girl attempting to count to ten girl 1: 1....3....5....7....9.... girl 2: What the hell? Why are you skipping numbers? girl 1: Because I can't even!!!
4,447	Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real
4,448	What did 9 say to 11? Let's get Bush in on this.
4,449	A neutrino walks into a bar... and it just keeps on going.
4,450	My friend got a summer job in a mirror factory He said its a job he can see himself doing.
4,451	My wife is like a plunger She's good at bringing up old shit.
4,452	Why do Greeks like fried foods? Because they're greasy
4,453	Why was Freddie Mercury a great front-man for Queen? He could perform "Under Pressure".
4,454	My life is a nightmare since they legalized gay marriage Because I have Iridophobia.
4,455	There's a man at the mall wearing cargo pants and a fanny pack, who I believe is in the process of becoming a suitcase.
4,456	That chick really knocked my socks off. And I had just finished folding and stacking them, too. Bitch.
4,457	The best thing about sharing a king sized bed with your spouse is that if you move far enough away it feels like you're completely alone.
4,458	My hell is a giant Bath & Body Works store ...where all the women answer yes/no questions with "stories".
4,459	Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish.
4,460	Ceilings were just ambitious walls.
4,461	What comes after America? Bmerica. I'll see myself out
4,462	I can get most of Reddit to hate me in one sentence I'm watching Sword Art Online (my favorite anime) on my iPhone while reading a Minions fanfic on my Wii U and eating bananas dipped in ketchup
4,463	Where is Donald Trump gonna put all of the illegal immigrants once he arrests them? Juantanamo
4,464	SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: presses finger to lips still wana bite me? S: blushes well not anymore
4,465	I was out walking my dog when another man with a dog approached me, picked up a stick and said 'I could throw this stick a mile away and this dog would bring it back.' 'That's a bit far fetched!'
4,466	Debt collector are so persistent they never leave you a loan
4,467	4 introverts walk into a bar... What? Were you expecting something else?
4,468	Cooper at the end of Interstellar "You know what I like about space travel, man. They get older, I stay the same age."
4,469	Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his friend Gregory Peck.
4,470	I wonder if Dumbledore ever used the sorting hat to help him with the laundry.
4,471	What rock group has four men that don't sing? mount rushmore
4,472	If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder.
4,473	Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !
4,474	With how fat America is.... With how fat America is, I'm surprised their currency isn't in pounds.
4,475	So a seal walks into a club...
4,476	3 gays in a hot tub A bubble of semen rises up, one looks at the others and says "OK who's farted?"
4,477	got a fake ID w a picture of shrek on it. works everytime. bought ten shrek dvds w it just this morning. lady at the counter didnt say SHIT
4,478	Born Too Late To Explore The Earth, Born too early to explore the galaxy, Born at just the right time to have sex with virtual reality anime chicks.
4,479	man choking Is there a doc in the house? Dr Pepper rises searches man's pockets Hey ur no doctor! moustache falls off it's Mr Pibb
4,480	Putin denies Russian naval exercises in Finnish waters, claims that sonar readings "were misinterpreted". Whoops, wrong sub.
4,481	No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
4,482	"EVERYONE IS ENGAGED BUT YOU" - facebook
4,483	Why did the hipster drown? He went ice Skating before it was cool
4,484	Relationship Status: Married long enough to know when I hear her say "I love you," she's talking to our dog.
4,485	Going as a hashtag for Halloween so everybody ignores me.
4,486	How do you turn an old dishwasher into a snowblower? You give her a shovel and tell her to get to work.
4,487	What is a pirates favorite letter? No, it's the C.
4,488	Why should you never bring a fat person to see a dramatic movie? They will ruin the suspension.
4,489	There are times when I miss you so bad, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
4,490	Knock knock. Who's there? Underwear. Underwear who? Underwear my baby is tonight?
4,491	What's a Fly without it's wings? A Walk
4,492	Hire The Pretty Blonde
4,493	What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face (There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke)
4,494	I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.
4,495	I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I'm not that surprised.
4,496	What file does a Knight store his music on? A MIDI-val file.
4,497	How do you make Donald Trump laugh? tickle his armpits
4,498	What did Reddit say about the post that had no comments? Wow, such empty
4,499	What do you call a southern girl who runs faster than her brothers A virgin
4,500	What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler? Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They're so under-cooked they're writing fucking diaries!

4,401

16 Y.O. employee: "There's a dirty diaper outside. What do I do with it?" Me: "Is there a live baby in it?" Him: "No." Me: "Throw it away."

4,402

What do you call a clever joke that doesn't make it to the front page? A clever joke, but nobody will have Reddit...

4,403

FUN FACT: The Olsen twins were actually triplets but Mary ate her sister Kate in utero and that's why she has two names

4,404

Her text: I'm tanning. Call you when I'm done. My thoughts: SHE'S NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED

4,405

Success is measured by how long it takes your boss to notice you're not at your desk.

4,406

YOLO You Only Love Owls.

4,407

My dentist is hysterical:"just let me put the tip in. It won't hurt. I have drugs to numb the pain" Ha. should go see him professionally!

4,408

What do you call corn with a sense of humor? Laughing stalk

4,409

Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ? Someone else's !

4,410

Why does Game of Thrones always kill off its main characters? For the good of the watch.

4,411

what is a woman to cant give birth? bruce jenner

4,412

Republicans, don't forget to set your clocks back 50 years

4,413

Q: Why are farmers cruel? A: They pull corn by the ears.

4,414

The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.

4,415

Q: How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb? A: He holds it in the air and the world revolves around him

4,416

What's the difference between donald trump and a bucket of shit? the bucket

4,417

What do u call a girl having no boyfriend?

4,418

The distance this fish swam... Is a SCALER not a vector.

4,419

My new thesaurus is truly awful! I honestly have no words to describe how angry I am!

4,420

what do you get when you mix 9th grade literature with alcohol? Tequila mockingbird.

4,421

What do lawyers and sperm have in common? 1 in 50 million has a chance of becoming a human being.

4,422

I slipped on some black ice yesterday... I thought it was regular ice until I realized my wallet was gone.

4,423

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous... The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

4,424

What's the difference between a racist person and a racist skeleton? They both are insulting, but the skeleton doesn't have any body to share racist jokes with!

4,425

Why should you never play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.

4,426

What do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Laundry.

4,427

I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.

4,428

Ana from Frozen was upset it didn't snow on her Wedding day, but everything has a silver lining because she got 8 inches that night

4,429

In the time it took you to read this, Woody Allen made another film and it starred some big names and it was ok and now it's on DVD already

4,430

Yo mama is so fat that... ...she should really be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem

4,431

There's now a morning after pill for guys. It changes your blood type.

4,432

My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances. Well she's in for a shock.

4,433

Because the unspeakable can also happen to men I bought myself a rape alarm. I'll be fucked if this thing doesn't work.

4,434

What do a Professional Fifa Player and a Rapist have in common? They're both going to score, even if you don't want them to.

4,435

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He's not coming.

4,436

*at waffle house* "do you want bacon or sausage?" 'YES'

4,437

How much space does fungi need to grow? As Mushroom as possible.

4,438

What is the most common question asked by iPhone users? "Does anyone have a charger I could use?"

4,439

I wanted to share this great joke I heard about a farmer fixing his fence... ...but it's a re-post.

4,440

My horse was way more aggressive than usual today it threw me off

4,441

I'm simultaneously drinking Starbucks and a Monster, in case I need to do something extreme and be a snob about it, within the next 30 min.

4,442

"Jessica wasn't usually dead. So when we found her dead we immediately knew something was wrong." -Investigation Discovery

4,443

The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill

4,444

Today is "Jamaican hair day" at work. I'm dreading it.

4,445

I got a case of beer for my wife! It was a good trade!

4,446

*Girl attempting to count to ten* girl 1: 1....3....5....7....9.... girl 2: What the hell? Why are you skipping numbers? girl 1: Because I can't even!!!

4,447

Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real

4,448

What did 9 say to 11? Let's get Bush in on this.

4,449

A neutrino walks into a bar... and it just keeps on going.

4,450

My friend got a summer job in a mirror factory He said its a job he can see himself doing.

4,451

My wife is like a plunger She's good at bringing up old shit.

4,452

Why do Greeks like fried foods? Because they're greasy

4,453

Why was Freddie Mercury a great front-man for Queen? He could perform "Under Pressure".

4,454

My life is a nightmare since they legalized gay marriage Because I have Iridophobia.

4,455

There's a man at the mall wearing cargo pants and a fanny pack, who I believe is in the process of becoming a suitcase.

4,456

That chick really knocked my socks off. And I had just finished folding and stacking them, too. Bitch.

4,457

The best thing about sharing a king sized bed with your spouse is that if you move far enough away it feels like you're completely alone.

4,458

My hell is a giant Bath & Body Works store ...where all the women answer yes/no questions with "stories".

4,459

Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish.

4,460

Ceilings were just ambitious walls.

4,461

What comes after America? Bmerica. I'll see myself out

4,462

I can get most of Reddit to hate me in one sentence I'm watching Sword Art Online (my favorite anime) on my iPhone while reading a Minions fanfic on my Wii U and eating bananas dipped in ketchup

4,463

Where is Donald Trump gonna put all of the illegal immigrants once he arrests them? Juantanamo

4,464

SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore

4,465

I was out walking my dog when another man with a dog approached me, picked up a stick and said 'I could throw this stick a mile away and this dog would bring it back.' 'That's a bit far fetched!'

4,466

Debt collector are so persistent they never leave you a loan

4,467

4 introverts walk into a bar... What? Were you expecting something else?

4,468

Cooper at the end of Interstellar "You know what I like about space travel, man. They get older, I stay the same age."

4,469

Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his friend Gregory Peck.

4,470

I wonder if Dumbledore ever used the sorting hat to help him with the laundry.

4,471

What rock group has four men that don't sing? mount rushmore

4,472

If your Facebook picture is a photo of a sunset or something inanimate, I'll assume you have a dissociative identity disorder.

4,473

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ? A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !

4,474

With how fat America is.... With how fat America is, I'm surprised their currency isn't in pounds.

4,475

So a seal walks into a club...

4,476

3 gays in a hot tub A bubble of semen rises up, one looks at the others and says "OK who's farted?"

4,477

got a fake ID w a picture of shrek on it. works everytime. bought ten shrek dvds w it just this morning. lady at the counter didnt say SHIT

4,478

Born Too Late To Explore The Earth, Born too early to explore the galaxy, Born at just the right time to have sex with virtual reality anime chicks.

4,479

*man choking* Is there a doc in the house? *Dr Pepper rises* *searches man's pockets* Hey ur no doctor! *moustache falls off* *it's Mr Pibb*

4,480

Putin denies Russian naval exercises in Finnish waters, claims that sonar readings "were misinterpreted". Whoops, wrong sub.

4,481

No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.

4,482

"EVERYONE IS ENGAGED BUT YOU" - facebook

4,483

Why did the hipster drown? He went ice Skating before it was cool

4,484

Relationship Status: Married long enough to know when I hear her say "I love you," she's talking to our dog.

4,485

Going as a hashtag for Halloween so everybody ignores me.

4,486

How do you turn an old dishwasher into a snowblower? You give her a shovel and tell her to get to work.

4,487

What is a pirates favorite letter? No, it's the C.

4,488

Why should you never bring a fat person to see a dramatic movie? They will ruin the suspension.

4,489

There are times when I miss you so bad, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

4,490

Knock knock. Who's there? Underwear. Underwear who? Underwear my baby is tonight?

4,491

What's a Fly without it's wings? A Walk

4,492

Hire The Pretty Blonde

4,493

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face (There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke)

4,494

I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed "take a nap" with "piece of crap" so don't tell me about your parenting skills.

4,495

I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I'm not that surprised.

4,496

What file does a Knight store his music on? A **MIDI**-val file.

4,497

How do you make Donald Trump laugh? tickle his armpits

4,498

What did Reddit say about the post that had no comments? Wow, such empty

4,499

What do you call a southern girl who runs faster than her brothers A virgin

4,500

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler? Oh my god put them back in the damn ovens! They're so under-cooked they're writing fucking diaries!