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I’m cis but some people around me insist I’m trans. AITA for being mad?
I’m a cisgender woman, I’m a lesbian and have a pretty butch look (short hair, tall, broad-shouldered) but I solidly identify as female. Repeatedly throughout my life, I have been told by multiple people that I may be trans or am in denial about it, and it has gotten extremely frustrating for me because it has gotten to a pretty far point where I’m nearly living my life as a male even though I’m not male and I don’t want to be. In my group home when I was around 14 I was called by a male name instead of my female name assigned at birth, and was told by multiple peers (including trans friends) that I was trans like them. I know they didn’t mean any harm, but it made me feel a little uncomfortable, because I’m not male and being misgendered all the time made me start questioning my identity even though previously I had no issue with it. I came out to my mom a couple years ago and she told me she thought I was trans and not gay. My mom told me she believes I have the spirit of a boy and I may be confused (she’s both homophobic and transphobic, so I’m not sure why she would care either, but I think it would be easier for her to accept that I am trans rather than having an extremely masculine daughter).
When she made a joke about me being male recently, I got angry and told her that she and everyone else who’s said the same thing is misrepresenting who I am. We got in a fight about it and I argued that I want her to stop talking about it and she explained that she believes butch lesbian and trans are the same thing, and I’m just trying to be a boy. I’m not sure if she misunderstands or if she’s saying that to spite me. I’ve been sort of afraid to say anything back to these people because I don’t want to come off as transphobic and I acknowledge I should’ve set boundaries at the beginning. AITA for getting mad at her comments? ###### | NTA - There's a term out there, "gender policing." I believe that's what you're looking for. Gender policing can be particularly bad for women that don't conform to people's stereotypes of that femininity is. I'm not lesbian myself nor am I trans. However, as a child I preferred so-called "boys" clothes, had mostly male friends, did some hobbies that had more boys than girls, etc. I was known as a tomboy. As a result, I got called certain slurs in middle school & also had people accusing of being lesbian, etc. I had an adult in my family tell me I would be a bad mom someday if I had kids, based on my supposedly masculine behavior. I had an elder say my chosen profession as a young adult was "men's work." What I'm saying is your experience is far from unique in this regard. When people don't think you fit in a box, they can be awful. You're female and they can deal with that fact. ###### |
Today I got a brand new lego set for the first time in 5 years for my birthday. My step dad gifted it to me. The set is the lego ideas steam boat Willie. After I finished building it I kept it on my desk and I love and play with it as I love Disney.
I have a 13 year old half sister who in the morning took that set and ripped apart the white pieces from the boat and added it to some of her buildings. When I came into my room I was distraught as I loved that set. I told my mom my sister took my pieces from the set. My mom told me that my sister did not do anything and did not took those pieces.
I then went into my sisters room and I counted up the pieces I was missing. I ended up finding most of the pieces but the two exclusive mini figures I had to destroy most of my sisters set when I founded. I reconstructed the boat but I was crying. My step dad came in and found what was wrong I told her my sister stole pieces from my set he told me he is going to get the same set and he is going to get me another small set to make up for it. I was excited.
Here is where I might have been the asshole. My sister went into her room to see the buildings that she made complete collapsed. She was crying. My mother ran up there and instantly called me to her room and demanded answers. My step dad came in and told her what happened but my mom want's to ground me for messing with my sisters room and ruining her buildings. My sister is crying and thinking I am the huge bad guy. She says I am a bad person for invading her privacy and ruining her hard work.
English is my fist language but my hand writing is really bad. ###### | NTA - There are some serious double standards going on in your household. It shouldn't be ok for either of you to invade each other's privacy and steal lego pieces and you went to your mom first to try to resolve the situation. ###### |
Everything I ever heard out of this woman was about the "Boren Clan" and how she's a "Proud Boren." Forget that she got married and took her husband's name, and her kids have the husband's name. It's all about the Boren clan.
So, when I had my kid, all I heard from her was this and that trait are from the "Boren Clan." It wasn't "Oh, look, THIS, just like dad" or "THIS, just like mom." It was "THIS, just like a Boren. The baby is a true BOREN." Anything that was not "Boren" she was confused on, because "That's not on my side." She would literally say "That's strange. I've never seen a Boren with freckles. Where could they have gotten that from?" My response of "Some in my side of the family have freckles," was met with "Really? That is weird. Boren's don't have freckles." I don't know if she's playing stupid or is genuinely confused on how genes work.
This has been going on for years and I kind of lost it this weekend. I essentially told her last time I checked, a child has two sets of genes: one from the mother and one from the father. But if she wanted to throw the grandparents, then there would be 4 sets of genes fighting for dominance. But at the end of the day the genes that matter are SO and MINE, and she needs to stop making it sound like my genes don't exist.
My SO found out and said I was mean in my response. But was I? Was I the asshole? ###### | NTA - The woman is ridiculous. ###### |
(Edit: this is a throwaway and I’m on mobile!)
I think the waiter is the butthole in this situation, but you be the judge. This happened last year but I’m still salty.
I took my boyfriend to Hawaii for his birthday weekend last year and had a whole itinerary planned to make him feel special and celebrated. For his birthday dinner (on his actual birthday) I booked a dinner at the nicest restaurant on the island at the fanciest hotel on the island overlooking the beach. It rhymes with the floor reasons.
The restaurant was aware it was his birthday and upon being seated the waiter asked “happy birthday! Would you like a glass of celebratory champagne?”
We were like aw yes we absolutely would
He was like “wonderful is [some brand I wasn’t familiar with] ok?” We said sure sounds fine (spoiler: it was not fine)
Waiter returns with a glass for each of us and we enjoy them, order some cocktails and a truly impressive spread of appetizers and entrees, and settle in to a lovely birthday dinner. My boyfriend has a great time, I’m sitting smug at being such a great girlfriend. Then the bill arrives.
The celebratory glasses of champagne were $70 each! I knew this was going to be an expensive dinner and was happy to splurge, but assumed the “celebratory” meant complimentary, especially since there was no complimentary dessert or anything offered for his literal birthday. Because I didn’t want to sour the mood I paid it but left only a 15% tip (instead of my usual 20%+).
I am still pretty upset and want to leave a review for the place as everything else was wonderful and this really put a damper on the evening. AITA for being upset I had to pay ~$200 for two glasses of “celebratory” champagne (inc tax+tip)? WIBTA if I left a review of this experience?
Some friends think it’s not that unusual I’m am being petty and cheap but I disagree. ###### | Nta - the way that was phrased made it very misleading and the price per glass underscores the issue. ###### |
I was talking to my 7 year old yesterday when she told me that she fell down a flight of stairs last week. She was not hurt however, because if that were the case I would have known and I did not know about it til she told me.
I gave her teacher a call and she conformed that it was true. According to the teacher daughter she was trying to sneak upstairs during break time and was caught by a school prefect. She tried to run but lost her balance and fell down a flight of stairs.
The prefect went to a teacher who found my daughter crying at the bottom of the stairs. She was taken to the school nurse and was found to be completely fine, not hurt in any way. The teachers then decided that it wasn't an issue and this incident went as if it never happened.
I was livid. The fact that my child fell down a flight of stairs, which could normally end up badly, was hidden from me just because she was miraculously unhurt? I don't know, this sounds wrong in so many ways. I should have the right to know if anything happened to my child in school out of the ordinary.
I posted this incident on social media while demanding an explanation from the school. I was told by the school that they hope that I could put it down because I am giving my daugher unnecessary attention. At the end of the day she was not hurt and I should just move on like she did. True to that, my daughter seems to be over it and doesn't seems to care. Should I drop this? Am I being the selfish AH for blowing this up? ###### | NTA - the school is asking you to take it down because you're giving the **school** attention in a negative light. That said, I don't think posting on social media is the most effective way of dealing with this. You should be trying to organize a meeting with the head teacher, and if they won't do anything about it, the school superintendent.
It's completely ridiculous to not tell you that that happened. Brain injuries are notorious for lying low for a while before suddenly becoming very serious. If there's any possibility that they've bonked their head, they need to be monitored for signs of brain injury for at least a day, even if they seem fine straight after the incident. ###### |
Tonight I ordered in food from DD.
My building is a bit hard to find because the number is on the side facing away from the parking lot. In my instructions I have written detailed directions to find the building as well as which door to use since only one has a call box.
About 15 minutes after the app texts saying my dasher 'Deborah' is near, I get call. No big deal, occasionally people get confused and need extra help. Instead of being a female as expected, it is an irate man. He proceeds to complain about wasting time and gas driving around for 15 minutes to find my apartment. I ask if he read the driver instructions and where he was so I could guide him to the building. He avoids answering and raises his voice further saying I've wasted $5 of gas money, he deserves a better tip ($5 on a $17 order is what I had already set up) and next time I should go pick it up myself and not be lazy. I tell him to give me the number of the building he is at leave the food and I will come get it.
Getting outside, there is only one car with a female driver who got out of the car and handed me my food without a word. No guy was insight.
Typcially I do not complain about drivers or leave poor ratings (don't think I've left below a 3). However it's unprofessional and threatening to have a male call and berate me over finding my building. I left the driver 1 star and lodged a complaint with the app. It automatically offered me a credit in the amount of the tip left.
Honestly I do not know if it removes
the tip, which was not my intent.
It's been an hour and now I'm starting to second guess if I overreacted by reporting the driver for being unprofessional and communication issues. Should I have just left with the low rating and not complained? I know tough it's right now for everyone and don't want cause someone to lose their income. ###### | NTA - the person who is listed as your driver in the app is the person who is registered with the company and who should be handling all orders/communication. The driver should get in trouble honestly, no you’re not TA. ###### |
New here, sorry if I am not doing this the right way. I am arguing with my bf because I threw his socks away. Here is a bit of back story...He has a problem with calling or texting me when he is going to be late coming home. I honestly don't care what he is doing, just if he is gonna be late coming home I just want him to call me quick or shoot me a text letting me know so I'm not worried. He thinks I am trying to control him and be his mother so we always argue about I am not his mother I can't tell him what to do blah blah. Anyway, he also has a habit of being a slob and leaving his things all over for me to pick up..you know the one who isn't his mother..he doesn't get the irony there..lol. So a few days ago he left his socks on the living room floor. I cleaned the rest of the house and everything in the living room for 3 days and left those socks where they lay. On the 4th day I threw them away. Bf comes home and notices that the socks are picked up and says, "It's about time, didn't think you saw them" I replied, " I did, but since I am not your mother I didn't think it was my job to pick up after you. After they sat on the floor for 3 days I didn't think you wanted them so I threw them in the trash." Now he is pissed off, yelling about his socks and I'm being childish for throwing them away..he might be right there but I don't think I am being an asshole...just tired of picking up after a grown up adult man.
Was I wrong to throw them away? Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA - the part where he pointed out that you had finally picked up his socks after 4 days, is where he absolutely deserved to have them thrown away.
He expects you to clean up after him like a maid, which is disgusting. Tell him that this will be happening to his stuff in the future, unless he starts acting like an adult. ###### |
I was supposed to get married this September, and as an early wedding gift our friend group decided to buy us tickets to a music festival (Shambhala -we’ve gone the past two years but knew with wedding expenses we probably wouldn’t be able to make it work.) I was so excited about the wedding gift I started crying !
Fast forward to choosing vacation in a department I was recently promoted to. We are a small team so vacation time can be tricky, ideally there would be no overlap of people taking time off. My manager is of the mindset that as adults we can figure conflicts out ourselves.
A coworker and I were requesting the same time off. 4 days of overlap. Me for the music festival, and her for family camping. She has done this camping trip with her kids for the past 6 years so I can appreciate that they all look forward to it. Due to corona virus the festival was postponed to the same week the following year. So now we know over a year in advance that we will both be requesting the same week again.
So reddit, am I the asshole for wanting to book the week of the festival even though my coworker wants it ? I can’t exactly be flexible, these tickets were a really lovely gift. ###### | NTA - the only asshole is management, who is abdicating their responsibility to manage a department by asking employees to "figure out conflicts themselves." That's not the way well-run companies work. What if neither employee gives in? Management would have to step in at some point.
Plenty of employers say that two employees can't be out at the same time, when that's rarely the case (employers are just overly cautious). There are some blackout dates employees should be aware of, but other than that, it should be on management to work to ensure their employees can take vacation when they want, especially since it is part of their compensation. There should be a system in place to request and approve time off to ensure that everyone gets equal access to dates, and although once in a while it won't work out and vacation may have to be denied, it shouldn't be on the employees to "figure it out." Management should make that call, based on a fair system, and take responsibility. ###### |
Okay, so the title makes me sound like a Karen, but please read before you Judge. About half a year ago People moved into a house down the street, they seemed like they were going to be okay neighbors they would wave while unloading their belongings and seemed to be like the others. about a month later thought they decided that they were going to use their back yard as a shooting range.
At first I was fine with it (I am a strong 2A supporter), although the rest of the neighborhood had issues with said shooting (they are all around retirement age and liked the peace that was the old neighborhood). As a result they all tried to call the Sheriffs dept at one point or another. To their dismay As we are in an unincorporated county zone, they are within their rights to shoot as long as they have a sufficient Shooting Berm.
As of this month the fact that they have not received a complaint they have decided to shoot into the night, at one point not stopping until 2am. This is where I have an issue with it as I live with my Grandfather who is recovering from a series of strokes and my 2 and 4 year old niece and nephew who are hard to get to sleep and stay asleep so they will not be cranky the next day. as a result I have looked into the counties noise ordinances and found that they are in violation of those laws.
WIBTA if II used my decibel meter to record the violations, and got written complaints from my other neighbors to force them to stop shooting during the night? ###### | NTA - the noise ordinances are there for this exact reason; to make sure everyone can have some peace and quiet at night. Even if your grandfather and niece and nephew did not live there, you yourself are entitled to a good night's sleep too. However, maybe you should talk to the neighbors before filing a complaint? ###### |
A girl at my school has some political opinions which are questionable at best. She posts said opinions on her blog. One opinion was particularly egregious, and I took screenshots of her blog in case she would delete it, as she is prone to do. I reposted the screenshots to Facebook after she deleted it. She then caught some flak for the blog because my post reached people who didn't know about her blog. People in the comments were trying to explain it to her, and she posted an apology saying she changed her opinions. But, I decided to keep the post up, and linked to her apology in the comments while removing any mention of her from the title and the rest of the post. She says that I'm causing people to dislike her because I posted it, but I'm saying that she's making other people dislike her because of her opinions. I told her I would delete it after a week. So, AITA for posting her opinions and not taking it down? ###### | NTA - the internet never forgets ###### |
I am a pretty good artist and my classmates know it. They have no problem paying for my art except for one girl. She is the teachers' pet and the one that always reminds everyone of their mistakes. One day, she came to me asking if I could draw a horse for her. I told her that it'll be 2 KČ, which is the price of two croissants in the Czech Republic. (It's about 0,085 USD) And she said that it's too expensive and that we are friends (we are not) and that I drew free drawings for my friend and that it can't be THAT hard to draw. I told her if it's not that hard, she can draw it herself and that I drew it free for my friend because her dog died. She screamed at me calling me many names. AITA for wanting the price of two croissants for hours of hard work? ###### | NTA - The fact that she cannot draw it herself shows that your art has value. ###### |
My husband is a gamer through and through. Right now his game of choice is Call of Duty: Whatever version is out right now. He games 3-4 nights out of the week.
I... am not a gamer. Mostly, it makes my eyes water and I run around aimlessly. Case and point: I button-mashed my way through Tekkan as a child, and only grinded in Tony Hawk Pro-Skater. I enjoyed the way I played the game, but have never played a game to beat it.
For my birthday this year my husband bought me the game Animal Crossing: New Horizon and I have really been enjoying it. If you play, you know that the multi-player capabilities of this game are lacking, and you can only have one island per switch. I created my island, named it, and invited my husband to create a character to play.
I play two nights a week (maybe), but that is all I want to play. My husband has started playing the switch during the day and **I feel** has taken over my island. I was moving at my own pace, but he has started playing as me and hits every milestone for me. I was ACTUALLY playing this game, just in the mosey-about way I enjoy. I have alluded to him taking over my island and flat out asked him to stop playing, because he plays video games all the time, and this is the first video game that I have had interest in since Tekkan. He is still playing it daily. I know he wants us to have a game together, but I feel like my island doesn't even feel like what I wanted at all.
AITA? Should I embrace his want to connect via videogames? But how do I overcome his need to complete every part of the game obsessively? ###### | NTA - the fact he took over your profile in AC when he has his own is what bothers me the most about this. If you've talked to him about this and he's still not respecting boundaries, delete your island. Meh maybe that's petty. If he's not being respectful, though, that's an issue. Either way, you're NTA. ###### |
(On mobile so sorry for bad formatting)
So I live in NY and everyday at 7pm lots of people clap and cheer in celebration for the healthcare and medical workers that are out there fighting against COVID-19.
I thought it was cool for the first few days but it’s been months now and every time they start cheering I just close the window because it gets loud and annoying.
My SO thinks it’s disrespectful and says I’m being ungrateful and that I should be taking part in the cheering.
My SO’s mom is a nurse and he’s offended every time I close the window and thinks I’m being an asshole.
So reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA - the cheering is a sweet gesture, but it's about as useful as 'thoughts and prayers'. ###### |
My younger sister is expecting a baby girl despite the fact she and her husband have struggled with finances since 2009, when they got married. Anyway, she texted me saying that she needed a loan of $200 for something related to the unborn baby girl, and I, being a teacher on summer vacation, cannot afford that. My boyfriend is a surgeon, but I don't want to rely on him financially for something like this.
When I turned her down, she got really mad and was like "Okay, so you don't care about your niece then. I guess you do really want us to put her up for adoption." I was like "Well...sorry, but I have to look out for myself first." She hung up on me angrily, and then after that, my mom and siblings all got mad at me.
I questioned why THEY didn't help her out financially, and they said
"Oh we contributed too, and we thought you'd be willing to help them out." Like do they not understand I am a TEACHER? I don't make that much and just spent a ton of money on gifts for my boyfriend's daughter. AITA in this situation? ###### | NTA - The baby's not even born yet and they're already asking for money. Reality's going to hit them hard. ###### |
this happened before the world went crazy, I was with my friend and we went into a mc'donnas to grab some food. when we went in, there was a crazy huge line and an even bigger line for people waiting for their food.
so i pulled out my phone and ordered our food through an app that's usually meant for delivery, but had a pick-up option, then we stepped outside to smoke. not sure if other mc'donnas are the same, but the one i went to prioritizes the online orders and drive thru, so that just means i would get my food faster.
when the app indicated that the food was ready (still took like 20 minutes but at least I wasn't trapped inside a building), I went back in to pick up the food, and a lady that was in the crowd waiting for her food (I guess she remembered me walking in before but then shortly afterwards leaving) chimed off "she's not a delivery driver! she's stealing someones food!!". the worker had my back and said I ordered through the app for pick-up, but then the woman started yelling, like actually yelling, that I shouldn't be allowed to skip the line.
like.... you have a phone too lady, just use it?
aita for skipping the line? ###### | NTA - that’s literally what the app is for ###### |
I have gestational diabetes so I’ve had to learn to use the lancet device and glucometer. Every chance he gets, my husband tries to grab the lancet device before me when he knows it’s time for me to do it. Today, I refused and he is furious and hurt. He says it’s a way for him to be involved in my prenatal care but the fear and anticipation of the needle are way worse for me when I’m not holding the lancet. ###### | NTA - that’s incredibly overbearing, unnecessary, and controlling. Ew. You should absolutely be doing it yourself. There’s involved, and there’s way the hell too over involved. He’s falling into the latter category. This is absolutely something to stand firm on. ###### |
My cousins "James" and "Lydia" have 9 children. They are a wonderful family, and we spend holidays together. My husband and I suspect that their youngest "Grace" has Down syndrome due to very subtle physical features, motor delays, and her mother's age when she had her, but we haven't said anything to anyone else in the family.
When we were over to their house for Thanksgiving, I was fussing over all the kids like usual, and things went wrong when I got to Grace. I did the whole "Wow, you're so big!" thing and asked Lydia, "Is she walking yet?" Lydia very harshly snapped, "No. But nothing is wrong with her." Honestly, it was a little shocking and I was caught off guard. All I said was "Okay. But if there was, you know we would never love her any less." That was the end of that, and I thought everything was okay. Then, we weren't invited to the family Christmas.
I recently was talking on the phone to James and brought up to him that we had gotten all the kids Christmas gifts. He then told me that Lydia is still very upset that I asked if Grace was walking yet and that she expected an apology before we would be welcome over again. I'm planning on apologizing anyway, but I really don't think I did anything wrong. AITA? ###### | NTA - that was a pretty harsh overreaction to being asked if her kid walks yet. That’s a pretty standard question about most babies between 9 months and when they’re obviously walking. It sounds like she’s aware there’s an issue and is in denial. Either refusing proper medical care or refusing to disclose to family, not sure which. ###### |
Some context: I (33F) am currently hosting my pregnant sister (29F) and niece at my house. My sister is almost 8 months along, and her husband works in a healthcare field, so we decided it would be safer for her to stay with me for the time being.
My sister is known for having a questionable taste in names. She named my five year old niece Isis, and she was planning to give the new baby and equally bad name. I won’t put it here for privacy reasons, but think along the lines of “Divine Nova” or “Quartz.” Just ridiculous.
We were chilling last night after the kids went to bed, and that’s when she told me the name. I reminded her how hurt she always is when people comment on Isis’ name, and how even my niece has picked up on it (she goes by another name at kindergarten). I talked to her about how kids with bad names can suffer in the labor market. She still wasn’t budging, so I told her I wouldn’t make a name plaque for baby if she chose that name. For my nieces and nephews, I usually wood burn a nice plaque with the name and DOB, and it becomes a treasure as they get older. I love doing it, and I think my sister was shocked. She said if I felt that strongly about the name, she’d rethink it.
AITA? I feel a bit bad for holding a gift over her head, but I just want to protect my niece-to-be from having to answer to a horrible name. My husband (who wasn’t there) thinks I went to far and is siding with my sister. ###### | NTA - That said, Isis is a perfectly normal and beautiful name and not in the vicinity of something like Divine Nova. ###### |
So, for a bit of context, I’m black and there is a total of one ethnic salon in my town and I had gotten box braids for the spring. The front part of my hair grows pretty quickly so I made appointments before I had the track schedule because they would’ve been full if I hadn’t then and there. One of my appointments was scheduled on a day I had a track meet.
I asked my coach about it and she asked if I could reschedule and I couldn’t, since my lady was fully booked from now until May. I told her that there was one ethnic salon in town and this one specific lady was one of three there and she’s the only one who knows how to deal with my hair texture(both my parents are white) and I actually trust her with touching my hair. She said yeah I could skip I’d just have to make up for it in practice.
Somehow this cake up how I was able to skip and I explained, my most of teammates said I pulled “the race card” on coach but the rest of my teammates agree for the reasons above. It’s hard to find good, reputable hairdressers that I actually want to touch my hair and know how to deal with it.
Was I the AH in this situation or was I at least justified? ###### | NTA - that is not pulling the race card. That’s a “I have a prior appointment that I can’t reschedule”. Your friends suck if they think otherwise.
Edit- spelling ###### |
Okay so basically my girlfriend (23f) and I (24m) have been dating for just over 4 months it’s been pretty good, little to no arguments about anything.
She came over last Thursday and said she had a gift for me and one for herself too, I thought this was strange as it’s not near any of our birthdays or anything. She handed a box and told me to open it, inside was a baby camera, immediately my heart started racing as I thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant, but to my surprise she wasn’t.
She told me she wants me to put it in my living room so “we can always see each other even when we’re not together” because it is wifi enabled through an app you can get up on your phone.
I spun some story to avoid conflict as she was only going to be at my house for the next hour or so, I told her I was too afraid of hackers getting into it and watching me, but I don’t actually want to be seen at all times by my girlfriend. She called that bluff and got angry with me in which I asked her to leave, she did so in tears.
Please note she doesn’t use reddit and this isn’t a throwaway but I am not cheating and I wouldn’t so that’s not why I’m opting out of it.
I told her I needed a few days to myself and haven’t seen her since (it’s Monday now) I understand we both have feelings but i don’t know if I disregarded hers too much
AITA for not wanting to put a baby monitor in my house? ###### | NTA - That is creepy, controlling, and SCREAMS insecure. ###### |
I’ve lived in this neighborhood for ages now, and we have this cat who wanders around. Thing is, I know that it’s not lost and I know exactly who the cat’s owners are. Almost every day at the same time, when I get off the bus and walk to my house, the cat is waiting there for me and I give it a good scratch and let her snuggle against my feet before I go inside. Sometimes she follows and sometimes show doesn’t. Anyways my gf has become pretty endeared to this feline and has tried to feed it. Idk if it’s the right thing to do to feed it or not, I was always raised not to feed other people’s pets so I’ve stopped her from doing that.
It’s now gotten to the point where my gf is seriously in love with the rascall, even asking me if we should just say fuck it and keep the cat for ourselves and I laughed it off because I thought she was joking. Narrator: *she wasn’t joking*. Next time I saw the cat she had a different collar on and my girlfriend had went out and gotten a collar for “our cat”. I told her to stop being ridiculous as it’s not our cat and she argued that she spends a lot of her time here so she might as well be. I said that’s not our decision to make and told her to put the collar back on the cat and she refused and said she’d already thrown it away. I had to dig through the garbage and get it back and give it a good washing before I exchanged the collar again. Now she’s mad at me because she thinks I’m being controlling but it’s not our goddamn cat. ###### | NTA - that cat belongs to someone else.
If it were ownerless or stray, there are channels to go through, such as taking it to an animal shelter before confirming no-one will claim it - then you could look into adopting it.
What your girlfriend is doing is theft. ###### |
AITA?
TLDR; husband can't stand tattoos and won’t let me get one- I’m about to just do it- but he might just break over it.
Hi, I’m F25 and my husband M25 have a good marriage, we’ve had normal marriage problems but I’d like to think we did a good job resolving them through good communication and positive change. (Four years)
Every few months though, we’ve been having the same fight. I want my first tattoo and he doesn't want me to get one at all. The solution here isn’t as easy as “ f him, be a free independent woman, it’s your body, ect”.
1st problem is one of the positive changes in our marriage is me making an effort to make decisions together instead of alone. (ITA story below)
2nd problem is we are both children from strict Mormon backgrounds- though we aren’t Mormon anymore- a lot of his issue is he was made to believe people with tattoos are trashy, immature and criminals.
I’ve tried to compromise. On his end I can’t get one till I’m 30 (um, ok.. dad?). On my end, it’s got to be something small and where people can’t notice it easily. He thinks if I wait till 30 I won’t want one anymore because mature new moms don’t get first tattoos.
I’m about ready to just do what I want where I want, but I’m also not ready to put a rift in our marriage again. AITA if I get one?
Tattoo: just a black, thin line contour of a violet, it’s stem and 1-3 leaves on the end behind my ankle bone.
ITA story: I really wanted a dog he never did- he told me no but told me I could still do it- but it was a feeling of betrayal when I chose to get a puppy. I admit it was selfish, but I wish it didn’t make him feel like I didn’t love him/respect him. He resented me for three months even when he gained real love for that dog after one. ###### | NTA - tattoos do not make people trashy or a criminal
I know people a lot older than 30 with tattoos and who are still getting them
Maybe not do it behind his back, but simply tell him that while you respect his beliefs, it is your body and you want a tattoo and plan to get one
He is entitled to his belief, but your entitled to have a tattoo if it’s what you want ###### |
So my little brother is 14yo and going to be a freshman next year in HS, I am 17 and I graduate this year. I don't want to sound too mean but he's pretty......large and very very out of shape. I played football and track so after middle school I have always been in really good shape. My brother recently asked me if I could help him lose weight and get in shape cause he wants to play football, I warned him that I would be just as hard as a coach and he said he's ready for that.
There is this grassy hill area near my house where I use to train all the time, and I thought that would be perfect to coach him up there. I wouldn't say I go like military drill instructor hard but it is pretty hard, but in a way to hype him up. Like lets say he's getting tired of running I say stuff like "come on, you fucking got this, you got half a mile left." Or if he struggles with the pushups I get right down there with him and say stuff like "you got 5 fucking more you just did 30 don't give up now, I wont let you quit." Nothing really demeaning other than sometimes telling him that he doesn't want to go back to being fat.
My dad was watching me coach him and he said that I'm "being too hard on him" and that I need to loosen up. My brother hasn't said anything negative from what I've doing and in the past month we've been doing this he was at 250 and he's down to 210. Still a ways to go but its something and I won't lie, it feels good to know I helped him lose 40 pounds already. AITA? ###### | NTA - talk to your brother about it, let him know your dad brought it up to him. You clearly care about him very much and aren’t demeaning really.... I would maybe stay away from saying stuff like “you don’t want to go back to being fat!”, and focus more on his health and his progress. “Look how far you’ve come” gets the same message across. Saying “fuck” in a motivational sense is obviously encouraging for him, and this whole thing seems to be a bonding experience on top of it all. Daddy needs to chill, but yeah, chat with your bro. ###### |
Backstory:
My (16F) dad and mom (both 37F&40M) got a divorce two years ago because my father cheated on my mother, her (the mistress) and my dad got married two months after my parents got a divorce.
My parents have joint custody of me and my siblings (17M & 16M (my twin brother), we’re all close and decided we wanted to visit our father, his wife and her kids (16&15F, the father passed) every two weeks since it was either that or we’d have to spend our holidays with them (mother’s orders) which we all didn’t want.
I don’t like the two teenage girls and neither do my brothers, they’ve called us the n word multiple times (our dad is Italian while our mom is black, my stepsisters&stepmom are white), usually stay out late, smoke etc.
Story:
We were at my dad’s house, my brother (twin) and I were playing video games in the living room, my stepsister (16) wanted to watch tv even though she has a tv in her room, we told her to give us half an hour since we hadn’t been playing for long, my stepsister called us both ‘ghetto n——‘ out of nowhere and my stepmother came downstairs to ask what happened.
I explained to her what happened and she told me “Anna (random name), I’ve talked to you about this, stop being weak.”
I asked her if my stepsister would be getting a consequence and she told me no because I was being weak, then added “for a black girl”.
I responded by saying, “I’m weak yet you don’t have enough respect for yourself to leave a man who forgot to tell you he had a wife and kids.” since she wasn’t aware my father had a family while he was cheating with her.
She went ballistic and my brother (17) who had just woken up had to hold her back, I feel kind of guilty but I also don’t.
Now I’m waiting for my dad to get home.
AITA? ###### | NTA - stop going over there. If your dad wants to see you it can be a place where you aren’t getting racially abused. ###### |
My great-great-grandmother’s engagement ring has been in our family for generations and is traditionally given to the oldest son to propose to his future wife with. Per that tradition the ring should go to my older brother Jake, who is gay and wants to propose to his partner of four years, Ben. However my mom refused and said that the ring should go to my younger brother Mike instead because Ben is not a woman and gay marriage is not legal in our country. She suggested having another ring made for Ben using some of the other jewelry that belonged to my grandmother.
I’m the middle child and I’m female so the ring won’t go to me either way, (not that I want it because I’m not a fan of the vintage look) and I’ve tried to stay out of the discussion. Jake asked me to help him convince our mom that she’s being homophobic and she should give the ring to Jake to propose to Ben with in accordance to the family tradition. When I told him that I don’t really want to get involved in their argument, he accused me of being homophobic.
For the record, I’m fine with Jake’s sexual orientation and I fully accept Ben as his partner. I just don’t want to back anyone because I think they both have a point and I’m not even sure who’s ‘more’ right. My parents are very traditional but they’ve done their best to accept Jake and Ben. We invite Ben to all of our family’s events, my mom tries to bond with him by teaching him how to cook Jake’s favorite foods growing up, and my dad gifted Ben with a gold necklace engraved with Jake’s name on his last birthday.
Am I the asshole for wanting to stay out of this instead of taking Jake's side? ###### | NTA - stay out of this one. ###### |
So I (15f) was playing the sims today when my younger brother (8m) came into the room. Since it’s pride month in a few days I was looking at the pride flags that they have in sims to find one for my sim. My brother starts asking what these flags are so I explain to him about lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders and other sexualities and genders. I don’t go too deep into these things as he is young, but I feel like he deserves to understand a bit about these things. He starts naming characters in cartoons he watches that are LGBTQ and then sits talking about these things to me. Then my dad comes in and asks what we were talking about. I explain to him that I was talking to my brother about the LGBTQ community as he was asking what this flag was in a game I was playing. My dad then gets very mad and starts saying that he doesn’t want my brother knowing about these things. At this point I am confused as a few of his friends know about these things and I learnt about them from tv shows and books when I was 8. Later I tell my mom how I’m upset that I won’t be able to go to pride this year and my dad goes very quiet and decides to go outside to eat. After dinner he explains to me that these aren’t appropriate subjects at dinner and that if I mention them again he will take my phone away from me. AITA for explaining LGBTQ to my brother? ###### | NTA - sounds like your dad is a homophobe, at least if your brother does grow up to be gay he’ll know he can always count on you, you’ll likely be the only one of them that knows. ###### |
I (27F) work full-time and my husband (28M) is a stay at home partner. That means I'm the breadwinner in our relationship, but that's fine. It's a role we're both comfortable with me in and I hate, hate, **hate** chores anyway.
Recently my father-in-law has been making me uncomfortable with his comments. FIL has a habit of making 'jokes' about things my boyfriend has done around the house. He will often comment on my SO's FB posts and pictures with comments like 'another day sweeping the floors?' and calling him a 'domesticated maid'.
We recently had them over for dinner and my husband did an amazing job prepping the house and slow cooking the food. I didn't help out at all, since I was at work all day and I arrived home to him having done everything.
When my FIL found out my husband did the cooking, he straight out asked why I hadn't helped. When I told him I'd been at work, he told me that he would never let his wife, my SO's mother, host a dinner party entirely by herself and would at least prepare a side. The big difference between my FIL/MIL and me/my SO is that his parents both worked full time, which isn't our situation. My FIL looked at my SO and told him 'you know you don't have to live like this'.
Here's where I might be TA. I'd had enough and snapped at him that our situations were very different. And I said that I actually didn't appreciate his attitude to my husband's lifestyle and he had no right to criticise either of us when we're both happy in our choices.
As you can expect, it didn't go well. My in-laws left early and things have been weird since. My husband says that he wishes I'd hadn't spoken up and next time to let him deal with it. But I struggle to agree since he always lets his father walk all over him and sometimes his father is criticising me too.
AITA for standing up for me and my husband against my father-in-law? ###### | NTA - Sounds like you made a reasonably measured response to some really terrible comments by your FIL. You're NTA for standing up for a completely normal lifestyle against some offensive bigotry.
It may be helpful to talk to your husband more about this if it's bothering you. It's absolutely appropriate for him to ask to be the one to deal with his parents. Moving forward it sounds like it would be best for him to do that, but he also needs to actually do it if this keeps coming up and is an issue for you. ###### |
I’ll try to keep this short and simple. I have 2 kids, 5 grandkids.
Carlie—has 2 kids, lives with me and has always lived close by. I’m very involved in my grandkids lives. I’ve always been the main childcare provider and as stated above, they live with me for the time being so I’m around them a lot.
Meg—has 3 kids and has lived in another state since she went away to college 10 years ago. I see her and my grandkids roughly 3-4x a year.
For Easter I bought Carlie’s kids window paint and let them paint on the house and car windows. I also made bunny shaped pancakes.
For Meg’s kids I sent gifts—paw patrol figurine set, Jojo siwa craft set, and a lego set(1 gift for each kid) + a bubble gun for each kid + extra sand for their new sandbox.
Carlie saw that I sent all this stuff to Meg’s kids(via Facebook) and started making passive aggressive comments about how her kids didn’t even get actual toys from me for Easter but my other grandkids did.
It later escalated to her saying that I am spoiling my other grandkids to punish her kids because they live with me(?? Not true at all). I have my reasons for gifting them so much—1) I buy random stuff for Carlie’s kids consistently throughout the year, when they go to the store with me or I happen to see something they’d like 2) I had plans to go visit Meg’s kids for spring break and would’ve bought them stuff then but that got canceled ###### | NTA - sounds like you are a loving grandmother to all the children, just in different ways. That is quite understandable given the circumstances. ###### |
So one of my hobbies is to go garage saleing and buy things to then resell on eBay. I stumble upon a garage sale. At first all I see is baby stuff/kids clothes. I don't go buy it at first. After going to all the sales on that street I decide to go to it. I look around and don't see that much. Then I stumble upon some cassettes. I pick a few out (around 4 for those curious 1 Rush, 2 Styx, and 1 Yes cassette these would be for me). I go to checkout and she tells me that they are free and asked if they were all free. She said yes and I was surprised and went back to look to see if there was anymore. I decide to take them all since there was around 50 of them and didn't buy anything. Some of the other ones were Aerosmith, Disney songs, Eric Clapton, and many more. I get home and my parents bitched at me saying that I should have bought something instead of taking all the free things. AITA for taking all the free stuff at a garage sale without buying anything? ###### | NTA - Sounds like the owner just wanted to get rid of them. ###### |
So, I'll try to keep this short, but chances are, it wont be. I(F38 almost 39) recently started talking to someone I met through work. Hes 33 and recently out of a relationship. We've only been facebook chatting because of the shutdown, plus he no longer works for the same employer as me. I wont go see him because I work at a place thats had cases, plus i live with an older relative who wouldnt fare very well if she were to get this.
So, I recently noticed he talks about sex, a lot. Pretty much from our first conversation. At first, it didnt really bother me, although I would change the subject if it went on too long. Yesterday, we were talking about drinking. I was telling him some of the issues I'd seen crop up in my family. Telling him that's why I dont drink. I had just finished sharing a very personal story, when he told me" I'd make you drink my cum"
I was pretty disgusted. I mean, im down for some naughty talk, dont get me wrong. But the story I had just told him definitely was not one that should have prompted him to say that. I responded with" I'm trying to have a serious conversation right now" Which thankfully, at the time, caused him to stop for the moment. Several minutes later, he was once again trying to steer the conversation that way, and i just wasnt having it. I told him to stop, and he called me a frigid bitch. Told me"well since you wont come over here and i cant come there what else can i do"
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA - Sounds like he just wants you for sex, plus he's coming off a little creepy. ###### |
First time poster, standard on mobile disclaimer.
I am not close to my mom. I am the scapegoat child and she dismisses my thoughts as if they don't matter. She is also a fundamentalist Christian, doesn't believe in COVID and thinks the government lies to her all the time.
She told me yesterday she had close contact to a person who got COVID positive results back. We have universal healthcare in my country, but we are having a spike on cases, so lines are to be expected.
She whined and said she left the line and will try to get tested tomorrow, but she has no symptoms... Except for a couch from "eating dry toast this morning" and a headache "for eating chocolate"..., but a friend who lives next door said that she has been coughing since yesterday and went on a drive yesterday to visit friends.
I know my mother. She is incredibly immature and won't stop going out and probably avoid getting tested unless she gets really sick and doesn't care about possibly being asymptomatic and potentially infecting others. I was planning on holding her out to her plan of getting tested and my friend will keep an eye out for her to make sure she does. If she doesn't, I would call the Health Department hotline and put an anonymous tip.
Reddit, WIBTA if I did this? ###### | NTA - Sorry your mom is not acting like a responsible adult right now. Report her - people's lives, including hers, could be at stake. ###### |
My father (52M) has been divorced from my mother for 11 years now. Ever since then he has been in a countless number of meaningless relationships that never go anywhere despite him thinking they will.
My father has a type. He likes younger women. His last 3 girlfriends were all under 30 and his most recent ex girlfriend was 25 years old (just a year older then me). My father loves to complain about how he doesn't understand what he is doing wrong. One of the things might be the huge age gap. Obviously with girlfriends pretty much half his age priorities are usually very different and most of his relationships end because of this.
Ever since the divorce he's been in a endless cycle of falling in love with a woman much younger then him and then breaking up wich always leaves him very depressed until he finds another young girlfriend.
Yesterday, me and my brother's were over at his house and he was going over one of his rants about how he doesn't know what he is doing wrong and he thinks he's just very unlucky. I suggested to him that he may want to find a girlfriend closer to his age so they can be at the same stage in life and their priorities and goals can be more similar. This got him very uncomfortable and for the rest of the night he didn't say another word. I think I said what was best for him to hear. AITA ? ###### | NTA - somtimes people just need the cold truth ###### |
TLDR: Just had a miscarriage. Partner left me the morning after to go mushroom picking. Said it was my fault that I hadn’t asked him to stay. Now, he wants to go with me for the follow-up clinical visit. AITA for not wanting him to be involved in the follow-up visits.
I just had a miscarriage.
Thankfully I am medically fine based on my clinical visits. I have one follow-up visit to ensure that there are no complications. My partner was there during the 1st visit that’s when I found out that it was a miscarriage. There were associated pains physically on the day it happened and I honestly thought it was just post-workout pain because I have been playing badminton the day before. All in all it was a shocking and tiring day physically and mentally and I was glad he was there all throughout.
What I couldn’t wrap my head around was that the very next morning he told me that he wants to go mushroom picking with people from his work because he said “ it could be fun”. He left me, to go do that and when I told him I would have appreciated if he was there because he was texting me while he was out. He told me, I should have asked for it. Followed by a text, “Btw, I would like to hangout with you tonight though”.
It was just illuminating moment for me how his actions made me realize that I couldn’t be with someone who would go mushroom picking the morning after I had a miscarriage. I left his place. He called me 3 times and texted me that he wants to be there during the last follow up visit “because it would mean a lot to him”. But I don’t want him involved anymore.
AITA for not wanting to involve him for the visit (and possible in my life) because it was overwhelming with the miscarriage and I don’t want to deal with the fact that he choose me over mushrooms and that he implied that it was my fault because I didn’t ask for him to stay.
(If what he wants is peace of mind that the miscarriage has no complications, he could go ask the mushrooms.) ###### | NTA - some people are defending his actions by pointing out that he may have needed the normalcy after a traumatic event...which is all well and good, *if he had explicitly communicated that* because if he had said “OP, I know you are hurting and I am too, *I don’t want to leave you alone unless you’re okay with it*, but it would help me to do a normal activity, *how would you feel* about me doing [X]” it would’ve given you the opportunity to say “no, I really need you here” which you otherwise shouldn’t have had to assume you would need to explicitly say in a situation like this. ###### |
My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we both agreed we were child free. I told him up front if I got pregnant I would have an abortion. He said that was fine.
Well a month ago I found out I was pregnant. I told him, and that I was going to get an abortion. He freaked out and said that I was killing his kid and couldn’t.
We fought about it for a week and then I just went anyway. He moved out and said he was going to divorce me. I haven’t heard from him since.
I’m pretty fucking pissed off, since we agreed we were child free and now he’s going back on it and freaking out. AITA? ###### | NTA - Some husbands seem to think that their wife is just 'exaggerating' when they lay out these rules like they are some sort of angsty child. They just expect them to change their mind. If he's really willing to divorce over something that he promised then you're better off without him ###### |
This issue has been bothering me for about a week and now I need to know if I truly am the asshole.
I have an illness called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which causes extreme pain in my joints and hypermobility. My joints are so bad that even walking up and down stairs causes extreme pain, so standing is even worse. I’m also immune compromised which will be important later.
I had to go to the doctor because I was having issues with my medication to a point where it was having an affect on my physical well being. Now the waiting room was full because everyone and their mother thinks when they cough it’s the virus where I am but I was lucky to find a seat in a section that is reserved for people with disabilities which I am. Maybe 5 minutes after I sit down and fix my mask, an older woman walks in.
The older woman looked at me, walked over, and demands I stand up and let her sit down. I say “no. Please get 6 feet away from me. I’m allowed to sit here.” And that’s when she goes into a tirade for not telling an old, extremely sick woman sit down and how it’s not fun to fake a disability. (You can’t see my disability unless I stood up.) I got called in but the woman in the waiting room with their children gave me nasty looks for it.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA - Some disabilities are a lot less obvious than others, the elderly woman shouldn't expect to be entitled to anything, and you shouldn't have to explain your disability to anyone, it's non of their business. ###### |
He wants me to drive his family member to the airport tomorrow at 5:30 am.
Here's how that conversation went:
Me: What time does Jim leave tomorrow?
Bf: 6:45.
Me: WOW that's early.
Bf: Yeah you're going to need to get up at 5.
Me: What? Me? What are you talking about?
Bf: I have to work at 7:30, so you need to drive him.
I had no idea that any of this was going on. My boyfriend didn't ask me. He just *informed* me that this was happening. Also, maybe I'm mistaken, but if my bf went to sleep at 9:30 and woke at 5, that's 7.5 hours of sleep and totally fine. The airport is like 15 minutes away and he'd get to see his family member off.
I really don't want to do it because I'm pissed that he wouldn't even ask me. I'm big on asking permission, out of respect. If he had asked me, I'd gladly do it. I'm a person. Not an extension of himself. I'm not *obligated* to do anything for him. He doesn't think he should have asked, apparently. I told him why I was mad, and he thinks it not a big deal and I still need to do it.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA - So who is dropping Jim to the airport? ###### |
Recently broke up with my gf because she was super abusive. Her sister is also abusive towards her fiancé and it comes from their abusive dad. A couple days after we broke up, the sisters fiancé texted me and asked what happened. I told him how abusive my ex was and I gave him examples of why. Less than a week later, his engagement was called off suddenly for unknown reasons. He then told me he realized that he was in the same shoes as me and didn’t notice that his relationship was toxic. He said he was happy and thanked me for opening his eyes.
The rest of the family found out and are blaming me for breaking apart the couple. I’ve been accused of ruining the sisters life. I told them it was the fiancés decision and I’m not responsible. They disagree and accused me of spreading lies to get back at my ex. I don’t feel bad at all but my friends tell me that I should have stayed out of it and that I’m an asshole.
BTW both the sisters and the dad are in denial that they are abusive and manipulative. So they truly believe that I fucked everything up.
AITA? ###### | NTA - so they think it’s ok to ruin the fiancé’s life instead? All you did was talk about you, not give him advice. Unless I’m misunderstanding or her fiancé said you did more than you actually said to him, sounds like you helped him dodge a huge, basketball-sized bullet. ###### |
Posting on sisters behalf
My sister, let's call her Aly, lives in an apartment building with 2 others, Ava, her sister, and Mia, an acquaintance.
The lease expires in June but since Mia has finished school she has opted to move back with her parents while still paying rent. When Mia left (early-April) she left food in the fridge and freezer and has yet to come back and get them, one of the items left in the freezer were frozen burritos, like the kind you pop in the microwave and shame eat at 2-am. Well, Aly and Ava had a few friends over Thursday night, one of which is a really close friend, the really close friend mindlessly went into the freezer and cooked the last two of Mia's burritos without thinking and ate them. Ava and Aly were unaware that their friend ate Mia's Burritos. Then Friday morning Mia came back to the apartment to collect the rest of her things and noticed the Burritos were gone, she then proceeded to throw out ALL of Ava's and Aly's food from the fridge/freezer in retaliation.
Aly and Ava were obviously disgruntled and confronted Mia who somehow attempted to justify throwing all their food away.
Whos the Asshole ###### | NTA - so mia left in early April, to me early April would mean the first week of April. So she has been gone 2 or 3 weeks then is upset someone ate food she left there. In the middle of a quarantine.
So to retaliate she throws food away. That’s beyond asshole that’s bordering on mental illness. ###### |
Throwaway
My mom cheated on my dad and went and married her friend who is single. I am 30 years old and my salary is 120,000 dollars . My father recently went homeless.He was not able to pay rent as he was fired for his job.
I live in a nice cozy two bedroom apartment in south Carolina. Since my dad was homeless from his job I have allowed my dad to live with me until he can find a new job which he currently is doing.
I also started a retirement account for him as my dad always supported me through my life and helped me financially out whenever I need the help. He always supported my decisions unlike my mom.
Anyway today my mom found out after I told my younger sister who is 25 years old about what I did with my dad. My younger sister told my mom and my mom found out. My mom's tone in the email was very bad as it sounded like she was yelling at me for favoring my dad and not her by giving my dad a place to say and set up a retirement account.
I told my mom she has her girlfriend who could do those things for her in a response and my mom told me what about the house she let me live in when I was a child and what about the food she bought for me when I was a child.
She emailed me through my work account as I have her on all my social media accounts blocked. I told her that she she never supported me like my dad and refused to help me out financially plus she cheated on him which I hate . I told her no I won't be supporting her financially and blocked her on ,y work email.
I saw my mom on face book and she was ranting about how her child never does anything for her and how her male child is sexist and homophobic. So I was wondering if I am the asshole as I feel a little bit bad she is calling me a sexist and homophobic person and maybe my mom is right. So aita for blocking my mom and not giving her the same benefits as I gave my dad. ###### | NTA - she’s using classic manipulation tactics to make you feel guilty. You have every right to help your dad in whatever way you please, and every right to distance yourself from your mom. ###### |
So I’m a female (23)and my period pain has always been bad (I would pass out in those first few early ones or if I don’t take meds that work for me) BUT I learnt my lesson and now it’s not a walk in the park by any means but I manage.
My sister (20) REFUSES to take the same meds when her period starts, even though time and again we (my mom and I) have given them to her and they work.
This means that she does nothing to reduce her own pain until it gets to the point of vomiting and explosive diarrhea. Then cries that the pain is terrible and no one understands or cares. (We get up and help everytime )
At this point it’s to late to expect a quick turn around time on the meds so then it is crying and vomiting and pooping bonanza.
She does not seem to grasp that she could lesson her pain if she just listened to my mom and I and took the meds when the cramping begins.
Am I being to harsh? My mother feels that we should still be sympathetic every single time but I am over saying the same thing every month.
AITA for starting to lose my sense of compassion towards her and telling her she is on her own if she doesn’t want to try prevent this from happening in the future. Her and my mom are upset that I told her that this is the consequences of not listening and say I am not being compassionate. ###### | NTA - she’s an adult. I totally get not wanting to take medication because a lot of people don’t like to, but it sounds like her cycle is really aggressive and she needs to find out some other options if she won’t take pain medication. ###### |
My daughter is 18, and I’ve always considered myself to be an open-minded parent. She recently began discussing birth control, and even though she doesn’t have a boyfriend, I wanted to be supportive. I bought her condoms, at her request, and I thought that would be the end of it.
A week ago, she asked me if I would make and accompany her to an appointment to discuss birth control options. I was raised in the era where AIDS was still a major threat, and I firmly believe that, unless you are in a monogamous relationship, you should use condoms.
I was hesitant, but I agreed in the condition that she promised she would also use conforms. She got really defensive and said that that choice wasn’t up to me. I told her that she was right, but that my involvement was my choice, and it was based on this condition. I said she was more than free to get birth control on her own.
She’s been really mad at me because of it. She says that her anxiety is too bad to make an appointment on her own. I still haven’t caved. AITA for staying firm in my decision? ###### | NTA - She’s an adult and needs to learn to do things like go to appointments in her own. Your request was also 100% reasonable and made with the health of your daughter in mind. ###### |
I have a pair of leopard print vans I don’t wear much but they are new, I let my mum wear them because it matches with her cougar style lol but today it’s her birthday and I spotted her wearing my vans without socks I asked her to put socks on because they were my shoes and I didn’t want them to smell, now she is yelling at me and super annoyed, threatening to kick me out, saying I’m ruining her birthday and she gives everything to us and that I’m selfish. I’m shocked but also kinda feel bad now because it’s her birthday but who wants smelly shoes? ###### | NTA - She's doing a fine job of ruining her own birthday with her toddler level temper tantrum. Maybe give her some matching socks as a birthday gift to prevent future tantrums? ( I'd normally advise not lending her your shoes anymore but I have a feeling that will just lead to more sulking, yelling and blaming) ###### |
So I work in the ER- and a few weeks ago we had a larger patient in a room close to the nurses station. You can hear everything in that room that is said at the nurses station. The nurse taking care of him was one who I find immature and just an overall bad nurse.
So this patient asked the nurse to be turned in the cart- our Er carts are small and uncomfortable. So the nurse comes out of the room and to the station and proceeds to say “alright I’m gonna need 12 people to help me with big boy down there.” “Alright sir, hold on I’m gonna need a fork lift.” To which I was appalled, at how inappropriate this nurse was. So normally I would tell the charge nurse but she was laughing along! So I texted my manager and they said they would take care of it. The nurse got written up.
Well this week word got out I was the one who reported her and her and her catty friend group have been giving me shit all week.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA - she was in the wrong and now they’re resorting to essentially bully you. Make a complaint to Human Resources, people like her should not be in that profession if they can’t be professional ###### |
So, a few weeks ago me and my husband found out we were expecting, super excited. Because of the industry I work in, I wanted to tell my foreman ASAP, even though I was still VERY early (around 3/4 weeks). The problem was, my FIL works in the same industry as me and my husband (construction), so we figured we’d just tell our parents that weekend to save them from hearing it from someone else. Well, we went to both our parents’ houses and things went very smoothly and everyone was so over joyed, but I did say very sternly, “ I want to hold off on telling everyone else since it is so early, i hope that’s okay”. But I’m not sure my MIL even registered what I said because the next thing we know she’s calling my husband’s grandmother and aunt...
I said the same thing to my parents and they completely understood and kept their lips sealed, saying they’d wait for me to say “when” basically.
Well my husband was telling me the next day that his mom had told his other aunt, and then his cousin, and a couple uncles.
I was immediately stressed, I’d had a chemical pregnancy a few months prior, which is why I wanted to exercise caution to begin with.
His mother has made mis-steps like this is the past. I understand it’s not just MY news, but I wanted to wait a few more weeks before telling everyone and their mother.
I’m finding it hard to move on, and believe me I want to. But at the same time I feel disrespected by my MIL, and want her to realize that. Not sure if that’s even worth doing with her though. AITA? ###### | NTA - She was being disrespectful and inconsiderate of you in favor of her own excitement. Something tells me she's going to be a problem throughout the pregnancy too. I'd probably talk with the hubby now about who is going to be in the labor and delivery room with you. Be VERY CLEAR about your boundaries with him and what your expectations are. Also share them with your medical staff. I'd also maybe avoid telling her until after the baby is actually born and you're ready for her to see the baby. She seems like the sort that would invite herself to be front row seat, regardless of your wishes, and who will snatch the baby out of your arms. ###### |
My sister asked me to babysit her kids (2,4,4,7). I agreed but I told her that she’s going to need to give me food to feed them because I’m fasting and I don’t have anything but oatmeal ramen, and protein in my house. My sister said buy whatever and she’ll pay me back. I asked the kids and they wanted McDonald’s. I bought them McDonald’s. I knew my sister didn’t eat McDonald’s but I didn’t know it extended to her kids. She freaked out and tried to make her kids throw up the food. She yelled at me and isnt paying me back. I’m a poor college student and that $18 is my grocery bill for a week. AITA? ###### | NTA - SHE TRIED TO MAKE HER KIDS THROW IT UP? ###### |
Let me just say... my mother made national news 10 years ago. For one reason. She scammed many military men.
I have 8 half blood siblings. None of us have the same dad. My mother is manipulative and self centered. She scammed 3 grand out of my man. She has threatened my unborn child with protective services already.
I am due in August with our first child. My SO cannot stand my mother. She abandoned all 9 of her own children and now thinks she will get to see mine. I think not. I am agreeing with my SO about this. She has seen my brothers 2 kids but not my sisters 2.
My mother has proceeded to message all family making it out to be my fault. No one sees what she really does or is like. I have and so has my SO. She has made it so no one in my "family" likes him. All because we moved out when we found out he was paying 140 in rent each week... and she was getting assistance paying her rent. She only had to pay 99. My SO was paying for her weed and alcohol for my step dad.
When we found out we lost our shit and she threatened to kick us out. Now 2 years later we are happily pregnant with our first child (baby girl) and are blissfully in love. My mother thinks she has rights to my child and is threatening grandparent rights... unfortunately these are a thing here. We believe she is only doing it to try and take baby away someday... please anything helps!
So I ask... AITA?
If you want to be able to look her up so you know who I am talking about pm me. It could give you a better look into what I mean here. ###### | NTA - She threatend you already with CPS and GPR. That should be an instant no-conctact. Even if she sees your child, step one toe out of line, and she will follow through anyway and will have a better leg to stand on with GPR. Head over to r/legaladvice and r/JUSTNOMIL.
She has burned every bridge with you that a parent can burn with a child. She abandoned you, abused you, used you, threatened you and now threatens your child. How long must this go on?
Edit: She is a convicted felon, yes? Bye bye GPR. If she had any power, she would have used it on your sister's children already. ###### |
Okay, so I (15F) know the title sounds misleading, but please read through the whole post.
My aunt (we'll call her Sarah, 54F) is a very sweet person. She's been a "cool aunt", the one who gives us candy while we were kids, etc.
But as we grew up we kinda saw all her toxic traits, like holding children to unexpectable levels, bossing us around, being a bit racist (she wants my sister, who is a gorgeous brown black colour to put on a lot of whitening things, doesn't want anyone in our family to marry a guy/girl who is black, etc.)
So during quarantine, around the beginning of summer, we found that she had a non malignant tumor in her small intestine, and she underwent surgery in the area where I'm staying. She normally stays in another state, but now stays with us for some time.
Now, there's a kinda miraculous thing: there was no tumor, just a growth, which they scraped out, but now she's resting at home.
Now, most of the time I like having her around, and I love her, but she's bossing me around, making me clean every place, over feeding me (actually overfeeding me) and that was all kinds okay, but the last straw was when she would keep calling me to clean, to study (it's summer vacation) and when I complained of back pain (I'm having my periods) she completely brushed me off, saying little kids don't have anything like that, I'm [Sarah] the one who has pain, etc.
I felt really bad because she was invalidating my pain.
So I told her that even teenagers feel pain and things like that. I was actually yelling, and then my mom screamed at me because she says that Sarah is a patient and things like that. I don't really feel terrible, because each and every second of the first two months of summer were spent in taking care of Sarah and my dad (who's diabetic and has trunkal neuropathy.) I just feel like I don't get a second to myself. Also, I cook the meals along with my sister here.
AITA? ###### | NTA - she shouldn't be trivializing your feelings and pain regardless of your age, and the fact that she's a 'patient' has no bearing on the situation. ###### |
The title probably makes me sound bad, but in my defense I have a sleep disorder that makes it hard for me to fall asleep at night and makes me excessively drowsy in the morning (my natural sleep cycle would be something like 5 AM-1 PM). This means when I am actually able to fall asleep early, I get easily frustrated when woken up.
So here's what happened last night: my girlfriend woke me up at 4 AM to ask me if I had taken out the junk (they pick up on Friday morning here). I told her yes, and she then asked if I had wheeled the cart out, and I said yes again. Then she asked if I had closed the lid on the cart, because she had left it open and they might not take it if it's open and I said yes again. This entire time I was a little cranky since it was 4 AM and I just wanted to go back to sleep but I was keeping my cool and saying yes in a mostly neutral tone. Up until her next question, which was, "Are you sure?"
I admit that at this point I lost my cool. It's 4 AM, I am tired, and it's hard for me to sleep at normal times so I want to take advantage of the opportunity when I can to try to maintain a sleep schedule that aligns with more normal hours. So I angrily shouted, "YES!" back to her at this point. When that happened, she got very upset, told me I was mean and that I hated her, and began to cry. I felt bad at this point, so I spent nearly the next hour trying to console her in the hope that we could just go back to sleep. Eventually she did, but it took me yet another hour to fall asleep, at around 6 AM. Then neighbors started doing yard work at about 9 AM this morning, so all total I got maybe 5 hours of sleep (when I usually need 9 or 10 to function thanks to my sleep disorder).
She's still mad at me for yelling at her, but I'm also still mad at her for waking me up to interrogate me over the damn garbage at 4 AM so I want to know who reddit sides with on this one. ###### | NTA - She should care about your ability to get a decent night's sleep especially with your disorder more than the garbage. If she really needed to know, she could have physically checked it herself. ###### |
My wife got very mad at me for buying a cot and sleeping in the dining room because of her gaming late at night. When she gets done with her work she likes to game and that is cool by me, I even do a little bit of gaming myself. The only issue is that I have to go to bed because I have to be up early and she will play survival games that scare the hell out of her and she will jump so hard and scream like a hornet just stung her in the cortoid artery. When this happens I damn near get thrown off the bed and wake up in a full blown panic attack. She is now mad and saying that I am over-reacting. AITA? ###### | NTA - she seriously can't understand that it is neither normal nor healthy to wake you up like that? Have you talked to her about it? ###### |
My grandparents took me and my siblings out on a bike ride. And when we got back we made lunch. And I made a sandwich with ham and cheese with mayonoise on the bread. And my grandma procceds to throw away the sandwich I made and said. “You won’t like that” and I said. “Yes I will” she then makes me a new sandwich with what she likes. And tried to give it to me. And i said no thanks I can make my sandwich how i want it” she then gies in a tyrant about how I’m ungrateful. And I just left to go sit in the porch that they have.
Reddit AITA here? ###### | NTA - She says that you won’t like a sandwich that you made for yourself? You know yourself and what you like more than she does, so don’t let her push you around about the sandwich you should eat ###### |
I'm in HS and I'm enrolled in an AP class. Of course school has been shuttered, and everything is online. After the AP exams, teachers are allowed to go their own path, and for a final project my teacher assigned a project where we had to debate a modern issue from the perspective of two presidents. My partner was this really popular girl, I wouldv'e been amped if I got her as a partner in a real class. But online, I couldn't get a hold of her to coordinate the project. I tried emailing her, she didn't respond. Tried adding her snap and insta, she didn't add me back. So eventually I just did her half of the project and turned it in with her name on it. Anyway apparently the teacher figured out pretty easily that it was all my writing, and asked me why she didn't do any of the work. I told the teacher that she purposely ignored me because she didn't want to do the project. The teacher was sympathetic and gave me a good grade and her a zero. Anyway that was like a week ago, today I get a text from her, and she's frantically asking why she has a zero in her gradebook. I told her what happened and she starts talking about how that wasn't true, how I ruined her grades, she's gonna have to retake the class she's crying and this and that and blah blah blah. Now her whole friend group hates me and a bunch of other people too. AITA? ###### | NTA - She got what she deserved. I'd also make it REALLY clear to anyone else that she's a bad person to work with, and the teacher was the one that figured it out. Her friend group is taking her side to save face, but it's possible to share information / screen caps to prove your point. Eventually they'll get stuck on a project with her too and learn what a lazy, trifling piece of crap she is.
Just do you and don't mind the haters. You got the truth on your side, and eventually when you all graduate, she'll see just how far that popularity gets her in the real world. Spoiler - not very far. No one is going to give a crap about her when ya'll graduate. ###### |
My friend has recently bought her first house and has asked me to move in with her because she realised she doesn’t like living alone. I won’t be moving in until June/July and in the meantime she has gotten two kittens to keep herself company.
I love animals, and I don’t have an issue with her getting kittens. As far as I’m concerned, it’s her house and she can do what she wants, especially when I’m not even living there yet. My concern is that she has been talking about chores and taking care of the cat food and litter would be on my list of things to do.
I pet sit frequently for other people, and I find cats are always the one animal I don’t particularly love cleaning up after. The general smell of their food and waste doesn’t sit well with me (keep in mind I grew up on an animal farm so I’m not being precious about smells. It’s just cats).
I mentioned this and tried to point out that me moving in wouldn’t automatically make them my pets too. They are her cats and would still be her responsibility. I would be more than happy to help should she need it or step up when she is absent, but I don’t think I should have to worry about them day to day.
My friend is pushing me on the subject, so I just wanted to know where other people stand. AITA? ###### | NTA - she got them she can look after them, if she wanted them to be a shared responsibility she should have spoken to you before hand to give you the choice. ###### |
So I’m 6 months pregnant and I was talking to my friend who has two kids on the phone today. She asked how I was doing and I mentioned that my feet were really hurting today, and she said I should get my husband to rub them.
I told her that he doesn’t like giving foot rubs, and I usually use a baseball and roll my foot on it. She said something along the lines of “so what if he doesn’t like foot rubs, you’re pregnant, he should be giving them”. I said again he doesn’t like doing it and gets annoyed when I ask too often. He gives them once in a while.
She said to play up how much it hurt, whine all the time about how much my feet hurt, maybe cry when he says no, and she said that’s what she did when her husband didn’t want to give foot rubs. I thought it was sort of manipulative to do that and I said that it’s kind of unhealthy to be doing that kind of thing, either he’s going to do it or not but you shouldn’t be faking pain to have him do it.
She then got mad and said it’s not unhealthy, she was just doing a little harmless acting, and not to judge her relationship when I’m the one complaining about my feet(which she asked how I was doing in the first place).
I told her I didn’t really feel like talking anymore, and she then said I’m not the judge jury and executioner on what a healthy relationship(I don’t know that the phrase really works here but that’s what she said)is and to stop being so self righteous.
I’m wondering if I just should have let it go from the beginning, because she’s not usually so... combative so I think I must have crossed a line. AITA? ###### | NTA - she got mad becayse you called her out on her manipulative behaviour.
I would also suggest looking at massage shoes/slippers, theyre great after a long day of work ###### |
Am I the asshole for not giving my ex-wife permission to take the kids to Mexico?
My ex wife told me yesterday that she booked a trip to Mexico with her and our kids for this Sunday July 12th for a week. She expects me to sign off letting the kids go but I don’t think it’s a good idea for the safety of my kids and current state of COVID-19. AITA? Should I let them go?
Note: posting this for a friend at his permission who does not have a Reddit account. ###### | NTA - she gives you less than a weeks notice and I agree with COVID it's not the best time. ###### |
This happened before Covid.
To celebrate a bit of good news, me and a bunch of good buddies and their girlfriends went out to a club where I'm friendly with the staff.
I had booked a table, and I ordered a very nice bottle costing around 2000 euros. I was planning on paying for it of course. Now this is A LOT of money for me. This isn't something I do regularly, if ever. But it was a special occasion, I had had a bit of luck and some excess cash, and I wanted to treat my friends.
The bottle comes, and I ask if anybody wants to do the honours of opening it.
A friend's girlfriend exitedly asks to open it for an instagram story (sigh...) so I pass her the bottle.
She opens it, and to my horror, takes a swig directly from the bottle before passing it back to me. I actually saw a thin strand of saliva conecting the bottle to her lip.
"What the fuck ?" I shout.
She just stares at me blankly.
No I wouldnt call myself a germaphobe, but apart from my GF, theres no way i'm drinking from a bottle that someone else just drank straight out of.
"You're paying for that bottle" I say.
"What ?? No way !!"
"I can't drink from that bottle anymore" And a couple other people nodded along in agreement, grossed out.
After arguing with the girl and her BF, I stood up, talked to the bar staff and security, explained to them what happened, and told them that the tab was now the responsability of the couple. Me being friends with the staff, I had that advantage of course, pretty sure anybody else they would've said Not our problem.
They ended up paying, the girl crying, and the dude wanting to knock me out. They left with the bottle of course. We don't talk anymore.
The consensus at work is 50/50, so i'd like reddit's opinion. ###### | NTA - she drank that bottle as if she paid for it. So you just made sure that was the case. ###### |
This morning, my mom asked for 500 (I am not going to state the currency, because I want to stay anonymous). I was happy to give it to her, but I only had 1000. I gave her that amount and asked when she was going to give it back. "I don't know." That seemed like a red flag to me.
But then I realized I had a 500 bill in my wallet, so I said I had the amout she wanted and I was willing to give it to her. Suddenly, she didn't want it anymore and said that it was not enough. Like, what? That's the amount you initially asked for!! Then she got very defensive and insisted on the 1000. I found that extremely sketchy so I told her that I wasn't going to give her any money. Am I the asshole for not giving her the money? ###### | NTA - she didn’t even seem too bothered about paying it back so in my opinion she deserves nothing. ###### |
Throwaway account.
So... Long story short, my best friend got divorced after cheating on her husband. They tried to make it work for months before it came to that, even though she was still in a relationship with the other person, unbeknownst to the ex husband. It was.... A lot. And messy. But I supported her the best I could long distance, not judging her, just wanting her to make the best decision given the circumstances.
Fast forward about 6 months from the actual divorce, and well over a year since this all started. BFF is still with the other guy, and her ex has moved on and now has a gf. I remained friends with the ex on social media because I like him. I think he is a good person. Also, she never unfollowed him and continued to like his posts including pictures of him and his new girl. I MADE SURE that she had liked one of their photos before I started liking his stuff again!
Last week he posted a cute picture with her with a #wcw tag and I liked the picture. A day or so ago BFF texted me telling me it really hurt her that I like his posts about his new girlfriend. I was really apologetic but also pointed out that she had been liking their photos together so I didn't think it would bother her. She accepted my apology but went on to explain that basically he moved on from their relationship too quickly after pretending to work on it, so she was hurt..... Even though she was seeing the other dude all the while?! I was flabbergasted, and now I'm frustrated with the whole situation.
Sounds really dumb and it is, but I would like an outsider's opinion.
Am I an asshole for liking his pictures? ###### | NTA - She cannot get mad at you for liking 1 picture, when she even liked one herself! This is very middle school drama. ###### |
My roommate got pregnant and asked me to move out so her bf could move in and they could turn my bedroom into a nursery for the baby.
That made sense to me and I had absolutely no problem moving out. My paychecks have been a little unstable anyway, so I had been using my savings to pay rent. So ending the lease early was actually really helpful for me so I can build up my savings again.
I thought I would just go live at parents house for awhile. They are staying at another house they have in different part of the country. They’ve said I can stay there for free as long as I take care of the place and do all the basic upkeep.
The plan was that I would officially move out at the end of this month.
Two weeks ago though my roommate and her boyfriend got into a big fight and broke up. I don’t know the details. I just know that he doesn’t want to live here with her anymore.
After that my roommate asked If I wanted to stay. I said no because with a baby around the corner (her due date is in early July) I don’t think it will be a pleasant living situation. So since then she has been trying to get a new roommate by posting all over online, but so far no one contacted her about it.
Earlier today she came up to me very seriously and sort of pleaded with me to stay. She said she hasn’t been able to find anyone interested in moving in and she won’t be able to afford rent next month unless someone moves in and doesn’t know what else to do.
I totally get she is in a very tough and scary position now and I do feel sorry for her, but staying at my parents just makes more financial sense for me. It would only hurt me financially to continue to stay here and pay rent. ###### | NTA - She asked you to move out. You're not required to ping pong your life over her volatile situations.
There's nothing wrong with her asking you, it certainly makes sense from where she's coming from, but she had already asked you to move out, you made plans, and then her situation changed. It's not on you to make sure her and her baby are the first priority. If you're friends, that's certainly an option you can choose, but you're not TA for following the original plan that she had requested. ###### |
My girlfriend and I live together, and she’s usually pretty relaxed and easy to get along with. But today she put on a smaller tank top, and some shorts, looked in the mirror and asked if the top made her look fat.
Now my girlfriend isn’t fat per se, but she’s a little chubby. She’s still attractive, but she’s not a 2% body fat supermodel. Neither am I, but I don’t get upset if someone points it out.
I said she looked great, and she said that I didn’t answer the question. I asked if she really wanted to know the answer and she said yes. I said the top was a little small, and not super flattering. She then got mad and said that was rude and then started crying.
At this point I got annoyed, and said she shouldn’t ask trap questions if she’s going to cry about it afterwards. I gave her a perfectly nice answer in the first place, and she wanted an honest answer.
She claimed she wanted “support”. We’ve been fighting all day about it.
AITA? ###### | NTA - She asked you a question you knew she wouldn't like the answer to so you gave her a safe answer, she wouldn't take it and insisted on the truth, then got mad at you for it. I hate when people pull this kind of stunt. ###### |
Before I tell you the story I will say I don't have an issue with people believing what they want. With that said, on with the story.
Before the lockdown I was sitting on my SIL's doorstep talking and a van pulled into our shared driveway (Rural community). A woman got out with a little girl (about 4 or 5). The woman asked if we had thought about what happens after we die. I immediately said, "Thank you but neither of us is interested in converting." I would never speak for my sister in law normally but I knew her thinking on religion and that she has even less filter than I do, so figured since I am the more diplomatic, I should respond. The woman said ok but then asked if her daughter could read us a verse out of the bible. I had just told her we weren't interested and now I'm irritated but when it comes to kids I have a real soft spot and hate to disappoint them or hurt their feelings if I can avoid it. I looked at my SIL and she just nodded. I said alright and the little girl read the verse (can't remember for the life of me) and thanked her then asked the woman to send her daughter back to the van. Once the little girl got into the van, I looked at the woman and berated her for using her little girl like that and how dare she not accept a no from us after we politely declined. I also told her to never show her face on my property again and to get out (I never swore or threatened her in any way). I then went to the nearest Kingdom hall and told them about it and told them I wanted my address put on the no contact list and that I would tell the next JW that shows up to go away in less than polite wording.
AITA for reacting like that. ###### | NTA - she asked a question and you said you weren't interested. She chose to ignore that and disrespect your position, using a child to try and manipulate you. ###### |
I'm not a native english speaker and my parents are immigrants. They don't speak the language fluently so whenever I'm talking to them on the phone I have to speak our native language. This however upsets some people, who for some reason feel uncomfortable about this.
In particular one of my ex-roommates told me that she was irritated by me speaking another language in our house and that it felt like I was shittalking her (which I have never done...I'm not the gossip-y type and I have more important things to talk to with my parents on the phone than my roommate).
I tried avoiding this by going outside whenever I wanted to talk to my parents, but even then sometimes I couldn't go outside (it was raining or similar circumsances) and people outsidereacted even worse to me talking in another language on the phone (one guy insulted me and spit on the floor after hearing me talk on the phone).
What am I supposed to do? I just see it as a private conversation with my parents...they're both nice people, just a bit old. ###### | NTA - screw those people. If your roommate is worried that your shit talking them, maybe they need to evaluate why they think that. ###### |
Hi Reddit. So last year I had the privilege of turning 18, and I told my mother every year how I didn’t want a party at all and that big parties made me miserable. Our family is Filipino American, so I guess it would’ve been a huge milestone. The months leading to the affair, I would tell mom I just wanna go out to the city and do things for my birthday. I have severe social anxiety, and besides my chronic illnesses and issues being around loud and noisy people makes me feel like garbage. So under the premise of a themed party from my uncle, I walk into a Chinese restaurant in a cosplay outfit already feeling humiliated by the stares only to be surrounded by literally every family member under the sun. I was mortified and cried and ran back into the car because I was both sick and betrayed. My mom threw that party for her, and even said that herself when I began to cry: “please just do this for me!”
It’s not that I didn’t like the food or the effort put into it, it’s the fact she didn’t listen to me and she still doesn’t see what she did wrong or apologized for it at all. I cried for an hour in the car and my dad refused to take me home. It wasn’t until I reluctantly went back into the restaurant to eat that people finally left. My requests were never heard and apparently she’d be planning this for months, and even just looking back makes me cry in frustration. I know my mother meant well, but I made a scene and I still feel resentful because of it. AITA?... ###### | NTA - said it herself, she didn't throw you an 18th bday party for you. She was selfish and ignored your pleas to forgo a big party. She chose her happiness over yours on YOUR birthday. she's TA and so is your father for going along with it and forcing you to comply ###### |
Ok people of reddit I need your help. This situation is weighing heavy on my heart and noggin and I’m completely unsure what to do.
I am dog sitting for an owner and it is very clear to me and others that have seen the dog that this dog is being neglected.
Here is the information/facts I have:
• dog is only fed once a day because owner is at work and doesn’t want to come home to accidents
• dog has no toys, bed, cage or dog treats
• dog’s spine, ribs and hips are visible (there is no fat on the dog’s body)
• dog has ring around neck under collar possibly due to collar being tight and being rubbed raw
• dog is locked in garage/laundry room when dog is “too excited and is overwhelming” by the owner
• dog is hardly walked and doesn’t get much exercise (which is why dog is “overwhelming” because dog doesn’t get energy out)
• dog’s nails are so long that when taken on a walk they drag on the ground
• dog’s teeth are black and breathe smells like poop
I know the dog is in the teens of age but acts like a 2 year old with plenty of love and energy. Very nice dog overall; doesn’t bite, just wants to be by you at all times and is very sweet.
I’m getting mixed responses from family/friends being: “it’s not your place” “you don’t know what health conditions dog has” “you should say something to the owner” “you should report owner”
I personally am an absolute dog lover. It breaks my heart seeing a dog treated like this. I don’t understand why people get pets and then treat it awfully. I feel I need to be the dogs advocate.
Help me out here... should I leave it be or should I report the owner? I feel there’s so much wrong that I can’t just pick one thing to say to the owner. ###### | NTA - Report it! There might be issues (like you already wrote down) and the dog needs help, a dog cant speak up for themself and it is better to get it checked out how the dogs life is. If there isn't actual anything wrong they won't take the dog away but incase there is something wrong they can perhaps help the dog. ###### |
I like to think that I am a very laid back individual with very few things that bother me, I have been married for 6 years together for 8 and have an 18 month old daughter. So I need to know if I'm the asshole. When my wife goes out with friends I would like to know at what time she plans on being home and to let me know if that is going to change. The second issue, I have problems sleeping when she isn't home and she knows this. So on nights that I work I ask her to be home some what early so I can sleep. Does this make me the asshole? ###### | NTA - Reddit makes me die sometimes lol.... A baby in the house, mother needs to go out into late hours with her friends. Best thing is, if roles were flipped, people would be ANGERED that the father was going out because hes a parent too! And yes yes, attack me with "the role reversal blah blah blah situational blah blah blah". Truth is the mothers the asshole here. You cant sleep because you have to stay alert for your baby and have work at 5am, meanwhile mother is out having a good time.
How lovely
What do the comments say when its a woman making this exact same post? "🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run girl🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩" and "he needs to start parenting too! It takes 2 to make a baby and you should both be there with the baby not just you while hes with his friends!" Or my personal favorite "leave him and take full custody, hes definitely not ready to be a father. And make sure to collect child support!" ###### |
My husband is trying to make me add his mom on Facebook. I don’t want to. I’ve told him no several times but he just won’t lay off of me about it. I know she’s hounding him about getting me to do it, but I just don’t want her on my page. At first he said she wants to see pictures and videos of the baby and that by not adding her I’m “keeping the baby from her”, but we have a shared album on our phones we both add things to to where she can see them whenever she wants. I also told him that he’s free to send her anything I post related to the baby that he thinks she’ll like. He said that’s not enough. He’s now saying I’m being disrespectful to his mom by not adding her and he doesn’t give a fuck that I don’t like her. I feel it’s disrespectful of him to keep asking me after I say no and trying to force me to add her. AITA here? ###### | NTA - r/justnomil thank me later tag me in posts gods speed and devils thunder. ###### |
Hi all,
So I referred my girlfriend for my old job (I was more or less promoted for got a 10k raise) She got the job and is now also paid 10K more a year than she used to be paid. We live together as well.
I was given a referral bonus of 1K. She is insistent that I share it with her. I was not too fond of this idea and she is now very upset because “I make so much more money than her” and “she does so much for me” and “she works so hard at the new job” etc. Am I an asshole? ###### | NTA - Question for you, if your girlfriend is this demanding about something like this do you really want to see her at work too? Seems like being home with her would be enough.... ###### |
okay,so me(15f) got a phone last year, and ever since then my mom and my grandma are forcing me to tell them my password,my grandma always tries to snoop around my phone and check all the photos...
I dont take my phone everywhere,i dont take my phone to school as it is not allowed.my mom says that whenever there is no battery on her phone and she needs to talk to somebody,then she can use mine so she wants to know my password...but I'm 1000% sure she uses it for watching shows,youtube and complete the mobile data i have on my phone,she also doesn't login into her account so everything she watches comes up in my youtube account.It's annoying.
My grandma tries to snatch my phone and see what i have in it even though i warned her not to.my mom and my grandma argue with me for not telling them my password.i dont want them to know every single thing i do.
I genuinely think that I'm not TA for it cuz u know,...privacy but I'm having second thoughts,
AITA for it? ###### | NTA - Privacy is a right, but *please* be responsible and use the internet safely (remember, you're a 15yo girl, many dangers on the internet, bla bla bla).
If your mom wants to use the mobile data you can share it with her with the data sharing setting most phones have. If I were you I'd set the phone to lock itself after a few seconds without being used so that they cannot snoop when you don't have it in your hands, and if they try to look over your shoulder at the screen then set the brightness to low (annoying at first but you'll get used to it). ###### |
TLDR: Friends borrow/given money. Splurge money. Expect more.
As the pandemic started, I knew several friends that would be out of work. Bartenders/wait staff, etc.
I starting reaching out to help if I could. A few took me up on the offer... many didn’t.
Two in particular really rubbed me the wrong way.
One needed money and I gave it to her. Then I saw in social media her going out and partying. Later she asked for a $300 loan until payday (she had been getting some hours at work). She said LOAN. She set the date. There were expectations set. On that day, I have her until about noon and hadn’t heard anything. FB post.. she’s on her way to Florida for the beach. I text her and ask about payday. She asks if she can just give me part of the money (never acknowledges that she’s literally at the beach and has posted pics of crab legs she’s eating). I mull this over for a few hours and ask for the payment in full. I get a cash app transfer in full and not a single word since (3 weeks now)
Another friend. Had an $800 bill due. I give $500 and she was like “that won’t pay the bill!” Later she sets up Onlyfans site and invites me to join to “help each other out”. I ignore the message. 2 weeks go by.. she drives to FL and spent the weekend at the beach. Then flew to New England and spent a week posting pics of her and her friends eating, drinking and beach going. This morning “hey! I’m trying to move ASAP. My car insurance is due .......”
My response to her is still pending.....
AITA???!!!??? ###### | NTA - Please just stop giving them money all together. None of them are entitled to your money and honestly after the first red flag I would've stopped. Say you can't help them anymore and leave it at that. Don't fork over ant information like "oh I saw you here and here" they'll just get defensive and give you excuses.
Stand with a firm "I just can't and I don't have to tell you why" and be done. ###### |
My daughter is 3. My next door neighbor has a 3 year old son. My neighbor is an essential worker so I watch her son during the day. He and my daughter are very good friends and tell me often that they are married. It’s obviously innocent and cute.
Since I’m still working, I’ve been letting them watch a lot of tv so I can get my work done. They like to cuddle up together under a blanket while they watch. Sometimes they even fall asleep (which is a total bonus for me.)
They were knocked out under the blanket together one afternoon and I didn’t want to wake them up by moving them. My daughters father FaceTimed me and asked to see her. I told him she wasn’t sleeping but I turned the camera around and showed her napping with her friend. Her father hung up and later called me and yelled at me for allowing her to cuddle with a boy. He said it was inappropriate and that I was encouraging an unhealthy relationship. I told him he was being creepy and they’re 3. He got very angry and is telling people that I am wrongly calling him names. Am I the asshole for calling him a creep? ###### | NTA - people need to stop sexualizing children like this, it’s super gross. You were right to call it creepy because it’s totally inappropriate. They’re children, they can’t even read and your husband is already projecting stuff onto them. ###### |
I'm not a native english speaker and my parents are immigrants. They don't speak the language fluently so whenever I'm talking to them on the phone I have to speak our native language. This however upsets some people, who for some reason feel uncomfortable about this.
In particular one of my ex-roommates told me that she was irritated by me speaking another language in our house and that it felt like I was shittalking her (which I have never done...I'm not the gossip-y type and I have more important things to talk to with my parents on the phone than my roommate).
I tried avoiding this by going outside whenever I wanted to talk to my parents, but even then sometimes I couldn't go outside (it was raining or similar circumsances) and people outsidereacted even worse to me talking in another language on the phone (one guy insulted me and spit on the floor after hearing me talk on the phone).
What am I supposed to do? I just see it as a private conversation with my parents...they're both nice people, just a bit old. ###### | NTA - people are being assholes to you for no good reason. There's nothing they really need to hear in your conversation, it's not for them or about them. If you're not glancing at people significantly and making faces or something that would suggest you were talking about them, they can just mind their own business. ###### |
Hey guys, new to the sub.
Anyway, this is gonna be a short description.
​
(We were playing online. This will make more sense)
The day prior, we were just playing some games because it was late and we had nothing else to do. That's all we did. We celebrated, then went to sleep. The next day (today), this exchange happened (Me = OP, friend = F, and this is all word-for-word) :
Yesterday at 23:53
F : (image url)
Your welcome
​
OP :now that you've sent me that pic i'll just block you now.
​
F: Ok boomer
So angry
##
OP: dude u sent me porn
##
F: Yeah I did
##
OP: why
##
F: And?
Meme
##
OP: it's not a meme.
it's just porn
i didn't ask for one.
##
F: It is funny though
##
OP: no it's not
it's just a guy c\*\*\*ing.
##
F: U dont get a joke
​
OP: no it's not
it's just a guy c\*\*\*ing.
##
F: XD
Cmon bro
Dude I think ur a little bit of a baby
##
OP: dude
you sent a minor porn.
​
\*END OF CHAT\*
\-------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm 14. I did not ask once for this guy to send me a guy c\*\*\*ing. If you guys want me to post the image (I doubt redditors would) then i would. So, Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA - particularly if your friend was older, he could be trying to groom you. Well done for blocking him. Don't ever feel bad for standing your ground when it comes to people making you feel uncomfortable - he could have said sorry and promised not to do it again, but he didn't. That's not a friend. ###### |
I gave birth January 4th 2018 to the cutest (may be a little biased there) little girl.
My relationship with her father was low contact when we broke up (he wasnt ready to be a father...despite having a second child born in May 2018?)
He would visit every weekend, he didnt want custody and probably wouldn't get anything other than supervised anyway due to his history.
His partner started posting pictures that I sent to him with captions as though it was her baby which was strike 1, I asked him to stop it which led to this huge fight which I wont go into detail about.
Then come to August 2018 he just disappears from her life.
Last week he contacted me out of the blue asking for some pictures of our daughter.
I haven't sent him anything and haven't responded.
But the group I'm in say I'm an AH and should just send at least one picture, be the bigger person.
AITA? ###### | NTA - Part of being a parent means making hard decisions in order to protect your child. If he wants to be part of her life, let it happen legally.
Edit: Also, unless you have a legal custody agreement, he could potentially take your daughter, disappear, and there’s not a thing you can do about it because he’s her father. Might want to hit up r/legaladvice ###### |
My husband and I are expecting our first child - a boy - in a couple of months. My husband and his parents are all math geniuses and wanted his name to include some math reference. I thought it was a cute and funny idea. Recently, my husband thought of a name. I thought of names too. I like Dylan, Jared and Loren. My husband was like "um, yeah. I was thinking Cube." Like a Rubik Cube. I thought he was joking but he was serious. I told him that was the stupidest name ever. He told me to think of it as "Cute." I told him I'd rather name him Sweater before Cube. ###### | NTA - parents who think of these "cute" names should go change their own names to it instead of inflicting them on their kids who have to go through grade school with them. ###### |
My sister in law has a horrible habit of making impulsive decisions at the drop of a hat, usually requiring my wife to get her out of situations and pick up the pieces.
She also has a habit of adopting animals just because they look cute and giving them away as soon as they grow up, or prove too much to handle.
Recently, somehow, someway, she managed to obtain a fox. A fox that's barely older than a baby.
Foxes are illegal to own where we live, even with a permit, and she knows this. I don't know alot about foxes, but I do know that they are very high maintenance and hard to take care of, plus my sister in law has a tendency to neglect the animals, which often leads to call a regarding the welfare of the animals.
I texted her shortly after I found about, saying that foxes were illegal to own, but to not let him out because he probably couldn't defend or hunt. She replied that she knew perfectly well what she was doing (spoiler alert! she didn't) and to mind my own business.
I brought up animal control to my wife, but she flat out refused. She said that she'd never forgive me if I called them.
But I was concerned for the Fox and, in the end, called animals control, who took away the fox, gave my sister in law a fine (17,000) and now she's facing jail time. She's furious, and so is my wife, who is now refusing to talk to me, even though it's been a week since the whole ordeal.
An input? ###### | NTA - owning foxes is illegal for a reason, she broke the law and knew it. Especially having a history of neglecting animals and pushing them onto someone else when they become too much work for her. ###### |
So I'm engaged. This news has been circling through my old high school friends and I've been getting a lot of nice messages about it from everyone except this girl Kate. Kate and I were friends in middle school/high school, but I haven't spoken to her since then (we are both 25).
When we were kids she was very clear that her whole goal in life was to get married and become a SAHM. Dope, you do you. She's always been very traditional and feminine and I've always been very tomboyish/masculine. This never posed an issue when we were friends.
Since I got engaged Kate has felt the need to let me, and everyone else, know how she "doesn't understand how" I'm engaged. She said "OP is just not what anyone thinks of as wife material" and "OP just isn't very feminine, it's surprising she's getting married first" or just straight up making fun of the fact that I make more money than my fiance and he's taking my last name.
I sent her a message "hey kate. I've heard from some other people what you've been saying and it's hurtful to me" and she hasn't stopped. My best friend thinks I should be more empathetic because Kate always imagined she'd be pregnant with baby #1 at 25, and instead she's never even had a boyfriend.
This is where I might be TA. We were in a group chat talking about my wedding and Kate said "it's crazy that you're getting married when you don't even shave your legs" and I just snapped and wrote "stop shitting on me just because you're lonely. No one wants to marry you because you have no thoughts or feelings or ambitions outside of being a wife or a mother. You're just jealous because I'm successful and happy and you're living at home with mom and dad and failing on Christian Mingle"
I know I was mean, but I feel like I was pushed and I tried to tell her that she was hurting me. Other people told her to stop as well. ###### | NTA - or rather, totally justifiable asshole. People don't seem to understand consequences these days, it's all fun until their feelings get hurt. She is hurting and taking it out on you, despite you and many others repeatedly telling her to stop. Yes you could've put the phone down or responded to just her or done a number of different things, but honestly she needs to grow up and I can't blame you for snapping. You don't deserve to be belittled like that (especially during such a stressful time as wedding planning) because she's insecure and bitter. ###### |
For context, I'm sixteen and my brother is eight and autistic.
My brother is developing an infection on his leg that's getting worse every day. Just three months ago, I had to do a major surgery on both legs for this exact infection - MRSA - and almost had to amputate. I can tell that my brother is developing the same thing, but my parents are refusing to take him to the hospital and insist on using various creams on the spot that aren't prescribed and don't seem to be helping.
I've asked both my parents to please take him to the hospital, because I struggled so much with my own surgery and Im hoping if we take him now, we won't have to operate on his legs. However, my mom is insistent that it's no big deal (she insisted this last time when it happened to me too, which is why my legs got so bad before I was taken to emergency). My dad just complains about how my mom would yell if he took him to the hospital and we've argued about this but he won't budge.
I want to take my brother to the hospital, maybe early in the morning before my parents wake up. I can cover the Healthcare costs with the money I've earned tutoring and all the money I've saved all my life from birthdays and holidays. Granted, I can't sign consent forms for him as I'm not an adult yet, but that's only if he needs surgery and I don't think he does yet, though he will if it goes untreated for a week. ###### | NTA - oh my goodness! Take him to the hospital and then contact CPS! They are literally putting his life at risk!
When I was a kid my mother was very very ill and would refuse to take us to the hospital because her hallucinations told her not to. Came very very close to killing my sister that way. ( Ended up having to have immediate emergency surgery and was minutes from death. Literally). To this day I still get angry sometimes when I think about how people knew about this stuff but never did anything about it. Never stepped in. Never reported it. ###### |
My cousin had a daughter, and passed away when she was 10. The kid's dad is a royal douche but somehow got full custody, so for the last couple years my relatives have been taking turns hosting the daughter.
Each has had her for a couple months at a time and while her primary residence is her dad's place she's there maybe one night every few months, then the next morning she goes to the next house. Cousins, uncles, aunts, and grandparents have all taken their turn hosting.
The reason we're taking turns is that she's not a *bad* kid but she's had some... issues. I am sympathetic to the situation because I did basically the same thing as her growing up (my parents were not the nicest people) but everyone has struggled to have her more than a few months because she gets into arguments at school and at home and sometimes stuff goes missing from the homes she's staying in. No one has ever caught her stealing but she'll usually have a sudden cash flow right after something expensive goes missing. She claims the money is from her dad and no one has been able to prove otherwise.
I'm the only one who hasn't hosted her yet and my cousin she's currently with wants me to take a turn hosting. I've said no because while I can afford it and have a guest room I'm only 6 years older than her (21 to her 15) and I don't know what to do with her, plus if she's a nightmare and lockdown goes back to being heavily restricted I might not be able to get someone else to take their turn.
I'm being pressured by several family members to take my turn despite never agreeing to it before now, and I feel really bad for not agreeing.
AITA for not wanting to take a turn? ###### | NTA - of course she has problems! Her mom died 5 years ago and the family has been playing hot potato with her since then instead of allowing her to have a stable life. What the fuck is wrong with your family? Unless her father is dangerous to her personal safety, she needs to be returned home. She’s a human child, not a fucking Barbie accessory for everyone to share. Jesus. ###### |
My friend, L, sent me a series of pictures that said “Want to play a game where you invest $100 and end up making $800?” With a circle of names and then a larger circle of names. It was obviously a pyramid scheme so I asked her if she knew what it was. She said it was an octagon scheme and if I wanted to play. She had already sent the money, and hadn’t signed a contract or anything. I asked her for the name of who brought her in, and I have them on facebook now. WIBTA if I called the police and reported a pyramid scheme? I just want to protect others from a stupid scam like this, especially in such trying times.
TL;DR Friend is in an “octagon scheme” and tried to recruit me, should I report the person who recruited her to the authorities? ###### | NTA - octagon scheme smh, are they going through every other shape just not to be known as a pyramid scheme? Report to FB, these schemes are scamming people for money ###### |
My girlfriend of almost 4 years and I live together and during coronavirus I have been getting unemployment because my work isn’t open, but hers just opened back up last week. She works about 20 minutes away from the house and always asks me to take her to work when we both have cars. She tells me it’s to spend time with each other but we live together and I don’t see the point in taking 40 minutes round trip to take her to work and pick her up. Today she was visibly mad about me not wanting to take her to work and I don’t understand why because we are always with each other. ###### | NTA - obviously you've got nothing to do currently but what should you spend more than an hour of your day driving (half of which with an empty car) it would be different if she had no car or you driving her was quicker than the bus.. but she can literally drive her self ###### |
Took my 4 year old son to the park with my wife and her mum. Son has a little bike that’s his faithful companion everytime we go. He wanted to sit and watch some swans by the lake so we settled down on the grass nearby and left the bike directly behind us to get a closer look at the wildlife. I’m talking a couple of feet at most.
A small girl similar in age to my son who had been sitting with her family (and who had been watching my son and the bike with interest when we came) got up while we weren’t facing her and took the bike. We hadn’t noticed until we turned around- and there she was with her family sat on it.
My wife immediately said ‘excuse me, can we have our bike back?’ And the family laughed her off saying no no, kids play, kids play. They didn’t speak English very well so maybe they couldn’t pick up on the fact that wife and I were uncomfortable.
My son obviously started getting upset because as far as he’s concerned someone’s stolen his bike. I asked for the bike back, again they laughed it off.
I finally turned to the girl and told her to get off, she started crying and pushed off the bike and ran to her parent in a small tantrum.
Obviously I had to sanitise the handles etc before giving it back to my son because of the climate and the family looked pretty irritated but didn’t say anything. My mother in law however berated both myself and my wife saying we were unbelievably rude and that I was ‘unnecessarily insulting’ the family by sanitising the bike in front of them and that I shouldn’t have taken the bike off the little girl, and ‘in her day’ people knew the meaning of community etc. ###### | NTA - not only is this a terrible time to "sharing" with strangers, the family knew enough to understand that your wife wanted the bike back and still said no. They are lucky you were as polite as you were. I would have had steam coming out my ears. You're MIL is happy risking her grandson's health for the sake of politeness? She's definitely an asshole. ###### |
My husband is cooking dinner tonight. He told me to go for a walk after he finished work because it had been a long day inside with the kids. I happily obliged and went for a 10 minute jog. I got home, he had started dinner and the house smelled great. I told him this as well. He declared though that I would so not like it and I asked why. He was adding chickpeas to the dish (he knows I hate the taste of chickpeas). I didn’t say anything, I just asked if I could help with cooking. He was saying that he doesn’t like how I get annoyed when he cooks something I don’t like. Now I hadn’t said anything and I didn’t think I made a face, I just stood there and did what I could to help. I told him that it was fine, he is the one cooking and if he wants chickpeas that’s what we have. He went on to say that he could tell I was annoyed and he didn’t like that. I told him he is right, I don’t like chickpeas but I’m not angry or annoyed. It’s not the first time that he had knowingly used an ingredient I don’t like so I wasn’t surprised. I know if I eat around the chickpeas he’ll get annoyed, so even though I hate them I’ll probably just eat a couple. But he’ll still get annoyed if I don’t eat them all. Am I the asshole for not wanting to eat a particular ingredient in tonight’s dinner? He says I rolled my eyes and that I’m ‘visibly annoyed.’ ###### | NTA - not only did he purposefully put ingredients in a meal that you don’t like, he went out of his way to note that you wouldn’t like it and it seems tried to convince either you or himself that you were annoyed when you were displaying no signs of being such. He’s practically picking a fight about it, and I’d imagine there’s underlying issues which he may or may not have communicated to you before. I would sit down and try and talk about how you each feel when this happens and see why he might be doing this. Baiting your partner into a fight is never good behaviour. ###### |
My flatmates girlfriend has been living here the past few weeks (not visiting- living here 24/7) and I told him today it's not cool and so he told her to leave. They have only been dating a short while (couple months) and she normally lives with her family.
For context: they don't just stay in their room- they occupy the common areas all the time. It is a small apartment for two people. For example we have a sofa for two people in the living room, when she is over I can't sit down and enjoy the TV as they are in there cuddling all the time.
Currently none of us are working also which exasperated the issue as we were seeing each other 24/7 and I felt like I had no personal space anymore. ###### | NTA - not even lightly. One night maybe once or twice a week is one thing. Several weeks is seriously OTT. ###### |
Just to preface this, my wife is wonderful and almost never gets me upset, and I’m just making this thread to see if I did something wrong and need to apologize to her.
So I was talking with my two friends, one who just moved across the country, and we were planning a gaming night to catch up and spend time together.
My wife mentioned later that day that my family was having a birthday party for my niece, but told me she was just gonna go. Normally she’ll ask my to come, and since she said only she was going, I assumed it wasn’t a big thing and she was just going to visit her family.
So she goes to the party and has fun, and I’m getting ready for the game night. Then, about one hour before my friends and I said we were gonna play, my wife starts calling and texting me, telling me she wished I was at the party too (which is understandable because we always have fun together at parties), but then she started making me feel bad about not going, even though I already told her I was going to be with friends that day.
She called me in front of her family and they would always take her phone so they could yell at me and tell me “it’s your nieces birthday today” and “don’t play games with your friends, you’re always in your room playing games” (even though I’m not, I’m usually working in my room). And I got frustrated and started ignoring my wife’s calls because at this point it felt like she was just getting mad at me for not cancelling plans with my friends because she wanted me to be at a party with her.
Also for the record, I ALWAYS go to family parties with her and this is the first one I’ve skipped, which made me really upset that the one time I didn’t go was the biggest deal to her and my family.
TL;DR: Made plans to play games with friends, wife tells me later that there’s a family birthday party but it’s okay if I don’t go. Once she’s at the party she changes her mind and gets mad at me for not cancelling plans with my friends to go to the party with her ###### | NTA - not even a little bit.
Actually though, while wife isn't an angel here, I'm giving the major asshole tag to her family. It sounds to me like they shamed her for you not going, it got to her (hence her only calling you about it once she was at the party) and it spiraled from there.
Yes, she absolutely needs to stand up to her family and have your back. But I'd start there. And if it turns out it was also her being mad you didn't offer to go, even though she didn't ask, you guys need to talk about communication between each other as well. ###### |
I wanna keep this a little vague for privacy.
My gf recently expressed interest in learning a new instrument, she said it was something she'd always wanted to do. I play a few instruments myself so I thought it would be a great gift for her since I could help her learn and we could play together, and I know she's been bored stuck at home.
So I surprised her with it on Friday and she loved it, posting pictures everywhere and saying she couldn't wait for her friend to come over and help her set it up and that he would be giving her lessons.
I'll admit I was a little offended she didn't ask me but whatever, her friend has been playing for a long time as well so I get it.
Yesterday, on Monday, I found out that she had been sleeping with her friend. She told me she was going to start dating him and that she was sorry but we were done, it came out of nowhere at first but she had been acting distant lately.
I stopped by today to get some of my stuff and I told her I was taking the instrument I bought her. The thought of her taking that gift, and bonding over it with the guy she was cheating with just ruined me. She called me an asshole and said she didn't know how to explain to everyone where her new instrument went because she lied and told everyone (including her new bf) that she bought it with her own money.
I feel like kind of a dick for taking it back, but I spent a lot on it and she only had it for 3 days.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA - normally I say once you give a gift you can’t take it back but in this instance I think she was the AH. ###### |
TW; some sensitive topics mentioned!
I considered, briefly not posting but decided to go ahead on a throw away.
My ex’s mother was very controlling, if she didn’t get her way then it was hell, she very often threw it in my ex’s face that he was aggressive (my ex was the calmest man you’d meet, he hated raised voices and would very frequently back down if he saw a fight oncoming)
We moved in together and this made life hell, she’d text him at the early hours drunk out of her mind and tell him nasty manipulative things, about him or his father.
When I found out I was pregnant she said the nastiest thing I could ever imagine, I guess after a while my ex believed her because we buried him not too long after.
I fully believe it was her fault.
Four weeks ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
I guess MIL figured it was around my due date since I haven’t posted anything so she couldn’t have found anything out over social media.
She tells me she’s back on her meds and she broke down sobbing, in the almost 10 years I knew my ex we’ve never seen that woman cry, she asked to at least know the babies name and gender - I refused, told her to ask her son for our babies name and hung up.
I told my mother who claims I was overly harsh and she can’t believe I’d say something like that to someone who is mentally unwell and that it’s just spiteful to not do the bare minimum.
My ex would’ve backed down, so I don’t know what he would’ve wanted.
AITA? ###### | Nta - nope. Fuck that. Don’t give that woman anything ###### |
My roommate and I were close friends when we first moved in together a year and a half ago. Not long after we signed our 2nd year lease, the friendship went downhill and a big argument led us to agreeing we would end our friendship but continue living together until the lease was up.
Most of the time we function well as roommates only. Other times, like today, she gets emotional about something or other and picks a fight with me, which usually ends up with me trying to remove myself from the situation and her following me around the house yelling about how no one cares about her feelings, I treat her like shit, she helps everyone out but no one supports her when she needs it, etc.
She doesn't have any friends besides her mom. She was laid off in March and hasn't seen anyone except for me since then. Due to our proximity and years of familiarity, she sometimes slips back into acting like we're friends again, but I would rather we didn't. I know she's very lonely.
The thing is...she's right. I don't care about her feelings. Not anymore. I wish her well in life but she is and always has been an emotionally draining person and I am done being the one that's drained. When she directs her frustration at me, I don't have the capacity to do anything except stare at her blankly until she wears herself out. That's what makes me feel like an asshole. Her social/life situation sucks, but we BOTH agreed to end the friendship and I don't feel it's my responsibility anymore to make her feel better. ###### | NTA - no wonder she doesn’t have friends if she’s the kind of person who will follow someone around the house to yell at them when it’s clear they’re trying to exit the situation. You are not required to be her sole social outlet just because there’s a pandemic. She presumably has internet access, she can access support, she’s choosing not to. That’s a whole lot of not your responsibility. ###### |
Hello,
First of all, sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my native langage.
Recently, I (20f) had an argument with my boyfriend (25m). We've been together for almost two years now and I've never hidden the fact that I have severe endometriosis. Because of that I had to go under surgery to remove life threatening cysts (my ovaries could have litteraly explod). I want kids, but later, when I can afford to take care of them. Now is my problem, because of the cysts and the disease in general, I'm pratically sterile, and I would have to freeze my last eggs to preserve them and use them when I'll want kids. For that I have to go under treatment for a month, then collect the eggs through another surgery and to be sure I'll have chances to get pregnant I have to go through this 3 or 4 times. (It would cost me nothing, my assurance will pay for 5 tries max)
My parents support me, because my mother went through the same thing, they want grandchildren and my happiness, but my boyfriend disagree. He does not want kids, I never asked him to become a father in our situation but I want to save my chances for later. He thinks that because he does not want kids, I should not try to save my eggs because he won't change his mind. I want to do it for me, nothing tells me he won't change his mind, or that we will still be together when I want kids. I think he's being selfish and inconsiderate of my own choices and body. I never said I wanted to use those eggs right now and force him to be a father, so this has nothing to do with him ? He said that eventually he will leave me if I speak about it again or agree to the treatment.
I don't think it is wrong for me to do something with my body that has nothing to do with him, so do you thing I am? ###### | NTA - No woman is TA for wanting to freeze her eggs. Who knows what the future holds. You two may break up. He may die. You may marry and get divorced. He may change his mind. Who knows? All you are doing is giving yourself options. ###### |
So it’s all pretty stupid but I thought I’d make a post since my family seems to wanna make it a big deal. Before the virus that shall not be named shut down everything I had two beautiful twin girls. The names I picked out I kept a secret until I announced their birth + gender. Both names are from characters I love and hold near and dear. The names are Azula (Avatar the last air bender) and Eclipsa (Star vs the forces of evil). I made a post about it and everything seemed fine until I got a message in the family group chat. My mother was livid that I’d name my girls after two villains whose names won’t “represent my daughters well” (I found out my brother told her who they were names after.) I told her that the names don’t define who they are. She didn’t respond but I come to find a long Facebook post about how I “doomed” my “sweet little angles” and how names have weight and will effect how they turn out. All the comments are relatives agreeing with her and how “people these days will name their kids anything”. I didn’t name my kids hotdog and cheese like I don’t get what’s so bad. Anyways I’ve just been getting a lot of “hate” if you will from my family. It’s making me genuinely wonder AITA for naming my kids after two “villains” ###### | NTA - no one would object to naming a girl Delilah or Sapphira. The only difference between those villain names and yours is time. They’re not egregiously weird names as far as pop culture names go. Azula could pass off as being derived from Spanish “azul” ; I have never seen the other show and I would just assume Eclipsa is just a derivative of eclipse. ###### |
For context: I am a 16 year old female, and I have very religious parents.
Since I was around 9, I started to become very, very uncomfortable when anyone touched me. Sometimes I thought that person might have a lot of germs, while other times it was because I would just get this heavy feeling in my chest and my brain screaming at me that I was uncomfortable and wanted to get away. Now, I live in an area where many, many people like to hug, even if they don't know you. A lot of people will ask my parents: "Wow, is your child ok? She's so rude she pushed me away when I tried to hug her," and they'll just respond with an "I know, right?" Hugging is honestly worse for me, because it feels like I can't get out, and I suddenly get very very anxious, and start trying to force my way out.
Well, this morning, I woke up feeling particularly tired, and walked into the kitchen to get some breakfast. I wasn't in the best state of mind, since I stayed up until around 6am and woke up at 10. Suddenly, I feel my dad touch me, and I start telling him as nicely as I could to get off me, but he wouldn't, resulting in me basically screaming at him to get off me.
He and my mother suddenly got very, very angry and told me that I was being horribly rude for not accepting their affection. They even brought up this one time I made my Grandmother on my dad's side cry because I didn't want her to kiss me/hug me when we left her house. They proceeded to be mad at me for a while, even passing passive aggressive comments on facebook, that would say something along the lines of "Wow, just wanted a bit of affection, but you know our daughter lol."
I know that they grew up in houses that really liked physical affection, but I really, really don't like it. Sometimes, I'm feeling like I'm neglecting them, but at the same time, I just want my space. AITA? ###### | NTA - no one has the right to physically touch you without your permission.
Have you explained to your parents why you don't like it? ###### |
My 28th birthday is on the 23rd. I’m a little old for presents so it doesn’t matter that much to me, but.. Both my dad AND my fiancé are complaining to me about how much my presents cost them.. I don’t know what they are or how much they cost, I haven’t received them yet, and I haven’t asked for anything. Would it be an asshole move to tell them to return whatever they got so they can save themselves the financial stress? And honestly also so they stop complaining about it to me, because I’d rather have no presents and no stress than be given stuff with more complaints attached.. ###### | NTA - next time one of them complains tell them you won't be offended if they return your presents for the money back because you know things are tough right now for everyone. Maybe that will make them realize that they are complaining so much they are sucking the joy right out of the gifts. ###### |
We've been going out just over 3 years and are 29 and 30.
He makes significantly more than me (3x my wages) And recently got a massive £700 bonus which is more than my regular wages are. (I'm looking for a new job before anyone says) I'm not interested in having any of his money, we split dates 50/50, but there have been things happen where he's displayed kind of odd behaviour which comes across as selfish and something happened last night.
We were hanging out at his, he has a lot of beer in the house (3 crates and lots of other special bottles) I was going to go to the shop to get some and he said, "Nah it's raining, you can buy some off me." And I actually had to pay him £5 for 4 cans of Carling (cheap beer which would have been about £5 in the shop.)
The thing is, if it was the other way around I know I would've just given him beer and not thought about money at all. I would definitely not 'sell' him beer. Even if I was poor. When friends/family come to mine I just give them drinks if they want them. I buy my bf treats too, I bought him a video game this month and have one in mind to buy him when he's finished it. He's bought me stuff in the past but as I said that doesn't matter I don't care about getting stuff, I just thought the drink thing was super stingy. It's not the money it's the notion. For example if he had said nothing and I'd gone to the shop and paid that would have been fine.
AITA for being annoyed that he made me pay for them?
TL:DR: My bf who is on 3x my wages and recently got massive bonus made me give him £5 for a few beers and I know I wouldn't have 'charged' him if it was the other way around. ###### | NTA - next time he invites someone over remind him to ask his guests to foresee cash so they pay for their food and drinks and see how he reacts ###### |
I'm at the Outer Banks on vacation with my large extended family (mom's side, about 20 people) and I am using a prescription face medication that causes my face to be dry. If I go in the ocean, my face will get very painful and I will have a burning sensation for a few hours.
However, for the past few days, my family has been insisting that I go in the ocean and that I'm not enjoying the vacation. My mom is threatening to take away my computer if I don't.
So, I said that I saw a jellyfish, and they all cleared out. No one else was affected, they didn't tell anyone. AITA? ###### | NTA - My mom was always the same. She took it so personally if I wasn’t having fun to her standards on vacation and would get so mad and put out. She had to plan every second out and you had to be on the beach at a certain very early hour or you were wasting the day.
Have you explained to them about your medication? ###### |
This happened last summer but we still talk about it sometimes. My husband and I went away with his family to a cottage about an hour away, but I came back a day early for work.
They all decided to stay an extra day (so two days without me) which I was totally fine with. Apparently, my husband’s older cousin (mid 30s) would have to leave the day before anyways because he had already booked his flight and didn’t want to dip into his savings to change it.
My husband then went ahead and booked him a new flight on our points without asking me. His whole family told me how wonderful that was of him, but I flipped out because those were our points that we have in a joint account and we were planning to use them for an end of summer trip. He told me he did it because it’s family, but he’s honestly not close with the cousin (they have NEVER made an effort to see us, visit us, or invited us to visit) and regardless of who it was he should have checked with me. He also has a history of letting his family mooch off him so I think this made me extra angry. AITA for flipping out? ###### | NTA - my husband and I try to travel as much as we can and I would be extremely upset if he used up points, hotel nights, whatever on someone else ESPECIALLY without even consulting with me first.
By the cousin not wanting to dip into their savings, which is completely reasonable and can be understood, your husband has now put the financial burden on you guys because you will now have to pay for what you could have used your points for. ###### |
For context : My brother and sister in law have a one year old. I have a one and a half year old. I am a stay at home mom. My husband is doing online nursing classes and the majority of his time is filled with studying. My sister in law is working from home since the lock down (she has a desk job that is primarily done on the computer) and my brother has been staying home for the most part to watch the baby. He still works, but his hours have been cut dramatically.
Today I get a text from my brother asking if I can watch my nephew for an hour at the most while my sister in law works at home. He has a mandatory work meeting he must attend. To me, an hour doesn’t seem like a significant amount of time to watch a toddler and do your work. Lots of people do it on a daily basis. She mainly looks at spreadsheets all day. I used to work along side her so I know what her job entails more or less. Annoyed, I indicated I thought an hour was silly, but that I would watch my nephew if he dropped him off at my house. My brothers route to work requires him to pass right by house anyways. I do not receive a response.
Befor long, my mother calls to tell me my sister in law is throwing a fit and will not allow my brother to drop my nephew off at my house. My brother was fine with it, but she is not. She wants me to come to their house. As a result, my brother misses his mandatory work meeting so that he can stay home and watch the baby while she works from home.
My mom said she feels bad for my brother and since he is family I probably should have just gone over there. My sister in law has always been a very selfish my-way-or-the-highway type of person and I feel I should not have to accommodate her every request. If she really needed me, I offered to watch him at my own house alongside my own child.
So reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA - my boss & his SO is managing to do a similar type of job to your sister in law and have two kids (5 & 2) in the house.
They work around mandatory meetings and clock off to watch the kids when the other can’t. Your sister in law can save those sheets anytime to take an hour out, deadlines for most office work are flexible given the current climate anyway ###### |
Am I the asshole for refusing to take my husbands last name but keeping my ex husbands?
My husband and I have been together for five years, married for 2.5. When we got married I did not take his last name. I was up front with him and told him prior to us getting married that I would not be changing my last name. In my mind, I built an almost 20 year career, graduated with two degrees and raised my daughter with my last name. I was a single mother for eight years before I met him, and I have the same last name as my daughter.
To compromise, I changed my name on Facebook to his so most people think I did change it (even some family members). Professionally and financially I still go by my ex husbands last name. (We share a daughter who looks nothing like me, so part of the reason I kept his last name after our divorce is being of custodial reasons. The other part is because I was already ten plus years into my career with his last name. We married when I was 18.)
My husband is all sorts of pissy about it. But today he got even more mad because my mother called me by my maiden name. I corrected her and said “no, my name is x.” (My legal name, not his last name which I use on Facebook). He is so mad right now that he is refusing to speak to me.
Am I the asshole here? I was up front about my desire to not change my last name. It’s so frustrating to me because he says that I have an “awful mindset” about this. I feel like being this upset about it means he doesn’t care about my identity and sees me as a possession. I feel like a possession to him. We have joint accounts, have bought a home together, and have a son who has his last name (and coincidentally is the spitting image of me). ###### | NTA - my best friend did the same thing. Was married for however many years and had a little boy and was divorced for like 8 years before getting remarried to a great guy.
Her sons last name is her last name and she built up her professional reputation with her last name (big deal with her career).
Professionally and legally her last name is still her ex husbands last name. On FB and socials she changed it to the new one.
It makes perfect sense. And her husband it totally fine with it. ###### |
I 16(M) was playing video games with friends, one of the people who plays with us regularly is a my friends girlfriend 16(f). She does not like me and has made it clear in the past. I try to put it aside while we all hang out just so it stays civil. Well last night everybody was talking about relationship problems. The two people dating in the group gave advice. Mine was struggling to even find a person who I had a chance with. As soon as the words left my mouth, she snickered and brought up how I'm short and that's why. At first I thought she was joking and shrugged it off but after she kept drilling it in. Finally I had enough and brought up how she didn't have a boyfriend until a year ago because she refused to lose weight. After that everyone went quiet. Soon everyone started laying into me and she started crying. I tried to apologize because I didn't mean to hurt her that bad, but I got drowned out under every one yelling at me. I know I probably am the asshole but I just wanted to hear someone outside the situations opinion. ###### | NTA - Looks like some people who can give it, just can't take it. ###### |
Backstory: me and my bf have been together for just over two years and he recently got his own place. lived with me for 8/9 months till he got his place
So my bf recently got his first flat. while not the best out there it's not too bad for a first place to live ny yourself. i couldn't move in with him as it was off the local council as he grew up in care. now when he lived with me he was a bit messy but it was never too bad. normally only took a few minutes to sort ot out. since he moved in just before the lock down i have only just been able to see him for the first day in ages. i went round and his flat was disgusting. he had shit every where. the window was tightly closed with the curtains drawn.
His flat stank to high heaven. like I had to make sure to breathe threw my mouth for most of the time i was there. when i was leaving i told him im not coming round again till he had properly deep cleaned hia place. he started going on about how i knew he was a messy person and i knew what i was getting into. First of all there's being a messy person i will admit i am bit of a messy person i don't always put stuff away and can leave things lying out sometime and forget about it for a while. but there's being messy and being a a pig and living in a pig stye. i told him it was none negotiable and he started calling me an arse hole for the hole thing. i said im not being an arse hole for refusing to sit a dirty flat with the window and curtains shut stinking it up even mode. safe to say i left and refusing to go back
he decided to start messaging some friends as we share quite a few of the same friends telling tug me about what happened with some saying i was and others saying i was right and i should have to sit in those conditions
Guess i am asking AITA for refusing to see my bf till he sorts his flat out ###### | NTA - like you said there's a difference between being messy and living in awful conditions. There's no reason why you should have to endure the bad smell and dirty apartment just because he is too lazy to clean it. Personally I find the mental challenge of starting cleaning is bigger than the task itself. Also living in the smell may make him slightly immune to it so it might not be as noticeable. You could maybe offer to help start the cleaning with him (even though it's not your responsibility) so that the task is more manageable. But highlight that in future he should try getting into a routine of cleaning once a week. ###### |
I (F 15)come from a very conservative family who 100% believes you should be married before sex. I am a sucker for approval and I respect my parents so am still a virgin. My boyfriend (M 17)is not, and he has been pressuring me to sleep with him. I have repeatedly told him no, and one day he explodes saying that I should be fine with it because I was born out of wedlock and that if I’m going to lead him on he doesn’t want me. I started to try and defend my actions but I got choked up and couldn’t really manage to say anything. He then left in a rage while muttering about me being an ungrateful prude. I really love him but I don’t want to go against my beliefs to please him but I’m afraid he’s going to leave me. I know if I sleep with him my parents will never forgive me, but if I don’t he will leave. AITA for refusing to have sex with him?
Edit- age/gender clarity
Edit2-WOW this entire thread is really supportive and full of advice. I feel like I was almost hoping I would be told that I was TA because I wouldn’t have felt like he deserved to be broken up with. I really don’t want to leave him and we have been together so long but the thread is kind of opening my eyes to other manipulative behavior of his. (constantly asking where I am, being jealous of my guy friends/ not letting me hang out with them, threatening to leave or and tell everyone I know including my family that I am a slut, etc.) I’m scared to break up with him because I do love him but I guess I’ll just wait until he leaves me to be safe? Thanks for the support! ###### | NTA - Let me first establish this. **YOU ARE NEVER THE ASSHOLE FOR NOT HAVING SEX WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX!** No one should force you to have sex. Consent is everything!!
He does not love you if he is pressuring you to have sex with him. He is calling you an ungrateful prude. This is not something that a person who loves you would call you. ALL the red flags. He is telling you he is entitled to your body. And that is HUGELY MAJORLY wrong.
Please leave him. You will find someone who understands and loves you for how you feel. He does not. ###### |
Before covid, still a problem.
My daughter (15F) barely misses school, she always goes. She's barely sick, she's very healthy, and she has excellent grades so I'm very lenient and free on whatever she does, and me and her go to the movies a lot when the report cards come out as celebration.
Anyway my husband works and he comes home at night sometines, sometimes early.
When I woke up my daughter that day , she said that she had this big headache and couldn't go. She's never made an excuse like that, and sometimes she has a runny nose or a small headache she still goes so I assumed this was bigger and let her stay home.
We had fun that day, watched movies etc.and after 3 hours she become better. My husband came early and freaked out and asked me why she was here that early, and said that just because she had a headache doesn't mean she can miss out on education and that she probably exaggerated the headache yada, yada.
Then he said that she doesn't get a free pass and we got into a small fight which was later resolved.
Aita? ###### | NTA - kids get mental health days too, it's not like she's taking advantage and always asking to skip school ###### |
Me (M19) and my brother (M17) usually both split a mother's day card and gift. This year however he when to a friend's house yesterday (Fri) and will not be back until Mon. I spent 3 hours on Friday trying to find my mother a great gift going from store to store and got a card. I signed the card and sealed the envelope. Today he sent me a message through our group chat with friends and told me to just put his name on the card. I said no and told him he chose to go to his friends house and forgot a gift and didn't contribute anything to the gift. My friend say I'm TA. But my gf says I'm not. So Reddit should I break the seal and signature his name? ###### | NTA - just because you guys have always done this this way doesn't mean you have to do it that way forever, especially if he took for granted that you'd pick up the slack if he went off with his friends. ###### |
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