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My (28f) husband (30m) and I have been together for 8 years, married for 2. Shortly before we got married, we purchased our home.
We’re at a point now where we’d like to start trying for children. My husband’s father has a rare genetic disease that is similar to Parkinson’s. He’s wheelchair-bound and has little control of his movements.
My husband and his sibling both have a 50% of having inherited this disease from their father. It’s an awful disease and I hate watching my FIL struggle. My husband and his sibling were recently talking about going for testing to determine if they’ve inherited the disease. My husband is nervous because he doesn’t want to find out if he has it or not.
I’m scared of this disease being passed along to my children. Obviously I wouldn’t leave my husband, but I’d like for us to know and that way, if he does have it, we can explore our options.
The other day, he wanted to have a serious conversation about us beginning to try for children. I was open and honest and said that I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of having children just yet and I’d like for him to get tested for the disease along with his sibling.
He got very defensive and said that I’m being selfish. He accused me of not wanting to have a family with him, of being ashamed of his family (the disease is caused by generations of in-breeding, low population density of where is parents are from). I’m not ashamed or embarrassed, I just want to ensure that our future children will be healthy.
AITA for wanting him to get tested before we have children?
TL;DR my husband’s father has a rare genetic diseases that my husband has a 50% chance of having inherited. I don’t want us to start trying for children until my husband gets tested for the disease. ###### | NTA
passing along a late-onset disabling genetic disorder would be a crappy thing to do to a child ###### |
My 16 year old son got a tattoo without telling me. I saw it accidentally few days ago. He told me he got it an year ago.
I was pretty mad. Not because of the tattoo itself necessarily. It’s a small one that says “I met him by chance”. He told me that it was lyrics of the song he likes. I’m mad that he didn’t ask me about it and got it secretly. I told him that if he asked, I’d think about it and maybe I’d let him get it, but since he went behind my back he’d face the consequences now.
He was supposed to meet up with his friends and have a sleepover(Lockdown is starting to lift slowly where we live)I told him he couldn’t do it anymore and he’d have to put it off for now. He was absolutely pissed. He’s completely ignoring me now. His brother(19) thinks that I’m being too harsh and it’s not that big of a deal. ###### | NTA
Of course they think you're an AH, they're not even out of their teens. "I can't trust you and you clearly have no issue lying to my face so no, I won't be hosting your friends in our space/letting you have that much freedom" is pretty damn tame for getting a pretty serious permanent body mod. If you were trying to punish the 19 yr old, you'd be in the wrong because he is an adult. The 16 yr old is still your responsibility, though.
Meanwhile, did he give it to himself/get a friend to do it or did a shop do it? If a shop did it, you really need to report them. Regardless, make sure a pediatrician gets a look to make sure everything has healed up all right (it should've if it's been that long, but better safe than sorry and he could be lying about the timeline as well) and if it wasn't done by a professional try to find out what they used for ink. ###### |
Throwaway as I don't want to use my main.
When lockdown happened in March my mum asked could she stay with my wife and I while lockdown was happening as she was worried she'd get lonely during it. I asked my wife and we agreed as we both get on with her well and often go on holidays together abroad.
I thought things were going fine but today my mum seems to have snapped. I said to my wife 'love you beautiful' and my mum snapped shouting 'how many times a day do you two have to say you fucking love eachother?' we were both taken back and I told her we probably say it 4 or 5 times a day which to us doesn't seem excessive. This annoyed her further and she said 'youve been together 8 years now. That's well past the honeymoon stage of saying I love you constantly'. My wife started crying at this point so I told my mum she had to apologise if she wanted any chance of staying under our roof or she could go home. She said a very sarcastic sorry and stormed off to her room and won't come out. My wife has asked me not to force her to leave because she doesn't want to create any drama and my mums probably just stressed from being in lockdown so long.
I'm now starting to wonder if I'm an asshole for telling my wife I love her infront of my mum. We don't say it constantly around her, maybe twice a day and the other times are when it's just the two of us. ###### | NTA
My husband and I kiss (just a small peck) and say I love you almost every time we pass each other and we’ve been married 14 years. She’d hate living with us lol ###### |
My parents are divorced and in the last 5 years he's had 5 girlfriends. Not all at the same time haha, one after the other.
He's definitely got a physical type, like they're all short, petite, white, have long dark colored hair, soft spoken, dress very feminine but modest, thirty-something, etc. Like freakily similar, if you got them all in a group people would probably think they're related.
I have confused them for each other, and I'm not doing it to be petty, I swear. It's always been an honest mistake.
It's been hard to not, when he dates so much, doesn't even take a break between relationships, introduces them all to me but never stays with anyone long enough for me to really connect with them, etc.
My mom has the bigger share of custody, so I don't actually spend a lot of time at my dad's anyway. Which makes it hard for me to get to know any of his dates.
I don't have any dislike towards the ladies he's dated, honestly I'm just frustrated with him because it seems like he's not really ready to have a relationship and that's why all his relationships fail after less than a year.
But a couple times, I've said stuff like "can we all go back to (city) as a vacation" and my dad will get mad at me like "Girlfriend has never been to (city)" ... Because I'd accidentally misremembered going with one of his exes.
Or when I was telling a story to some family friends about traveling, and I said "And we were with my dad's ex Jen" and my dad got upset and corrected me.
He's mostly been mad when I say something in front of the lady he's currently dating, confusing them with an ex. And I honestly feel bad when that happens, but it's always been an honest mistake, and I don't think they believe me.
AITA for this? ###### | NTA
My cousin's mom is on her 5th husband and her dad is on his 4th wife. She now calls all the husbands Bill and all the wives Jill. ###### |
Well for starters, my stepdaughter is seven. I've been in her life since she was 3 and I love her like my own. Because of covid she has been spending a week at her father's and a week here when she normally spends just weekends at her father's. I look forward to her coming home. Well lately my wife has been yelling at my daughter for small things. And by yelling I mean actually yelling. Like yesterday my daughter had eaten some gummy bears and immediately after went to use the bathroom. My wife instantly yells at her for not picking up the wrapper. Yesterday as well she got yelling at for not picking up her toys immediately after she was done playing with them. This has been going on for awhile just Minor problems she gets yelled at for and I have brought it up saying she's just a kid and isn't being bad. I can see it on her face how upset and confused she is not knowing she's doing anything wrong and in my opinion she's not. Well yesterday was her first day home in a week and for her to get yelled at like that bothered me. So I said something to Cassandra and now she's pissed off at me saying I'm calling her a bad mother. I stated I am not but she doesn't need to be screamed at all the time. She still is upset and mad at me, but hasn't yelled at her since. Am I the asshole? ###### | Nta
Kids learn by repetition. You repeat things a milion times and show by example. She might think yelling the way it's done but in over all it just ends up in a way that a kid doesn't want to confide when a real problem ensues.
It's possible the kid shows some habbits her father has and your wife unconciously hates them because she is reminded of her ex. I doubt solving problems with yelling is something she wants her kid to pick up. Don't give up on this please. ###### |
Recently my mother decided she wants to paint our house and she game up to me and asked me if I wanted to paint the back of our house and the walls in our back garden for money (she is hiring a professional to do the front). She said it shouldn’t take me more than about 2 or 3 days but upon closer inspection it could easily take somebody upwards of 5 days to do, I have a pretty big back garden. She said she would give me €50 for painting the back of the house, which would probably have taken me about 4 or 5 full days of painting nonstop. I said that quote was a bit unreasonable and that I’d rather not do it. She immediately went crazy, saying things like, you’re a disappointment and an embarrassment and I don’t want to look at you. AITA for not wanting to do this 5 day job that she offered me €50 for. To put it in context if I painted 8 hours a day for 4 days that would be about 32 hours giving me just about €1.50 per hour of work. ###### | NTA
Just paid $450 for some guys to paint 1 side of my house(took 6 quarts of paint, plus trim)
€50 probably wouldn't even cover the cost of the paint ###### |
I have a rat with a mammary tumor, and I decided that I need to get it removed. She is otherwise healthy but it's growing fast and getting in the way of her movement. Unfortunately even after shopping around the cost is going to end up being almost $600.
I pay for everything with these rats and I'm even ready to pay for this bill. However I was scared of telling mom the price when I came home today so I lied and said it was going to be about $250.
Even with that amount She was shocked and started lecturing me about how unnecissary this whole thing was.
*"It's just a rat. Why do you waste your money on something like that? Just get a new one!"*
I felt really awful because I know it seems unnecissary to go to all this trouble for something that will only live another maybe 1-2 years. I just hate seeing her in such an uncomfortable possition.
AITA? ###### | NTA
It's your money you can do what you want with it. ###### |
So a bit of a back story I'm a 16 year old Male and was extremely close to my aunt.
So today as of writing this my family and I were informed of my aunts will. She was a business owner and very wealthy so obviously she had lots of assets like houses, cars and many other things.
Her two main countries for trading in was spain and England, now after reading the will she has entrusted me with all the assets in spain (Villa and two other properties) and her children were not happy to say the least... they've been threatening to take legal action and what not and I pretty much responded with go ahead.
They've now told everyone In my family that I'm a greedy asshole for not relinquishing the property to them.
AITA? ###### | NTA
It was her will and testament, not theirs. It’s rightfully yours. Heir by next of kin only takes precedence if no will was left. ###### |
This isn't just me, it includes my twin brother. My brother and I (17m) were an accidental pregnancy. For context, our oldest sibling is 37 and has a kid who goes to our high school. Our nearest sibling in age is 28.
My parents always made it clear that we weren't supposed to exist. They were never abusive or neglectful or anything, but they were kid of cold our whole childhood.
My brother and I will graduate high school in about a week, and will be 18 in two weeks. My parents have told us that as soon has we turn 18, we will have to pay rent. Neither of us have jobs, and we probably won't be able to get jobs right now.
I confided in my sister that I'm really stressed about this, and she offered to let my brother and I stay with her while we're in University, completely free of charge. I'm really grateful for this, and we're planning on accepting her offer.
I told my parents about this, and they freaked out. I guess my mom was planning to move to part time work and they needed rent from my brother and I to keep up with rent. They said that they have provided for us our whole lives, and we should pay them back now that we're almost adults.
I mean, it's true. They have given us everything we needed for 18 years, and I really don't want them to be homeless if they can't afford the rent, but I don't know how I would even afford to live with them.
AITA? ###### | NTA
It is literally their job as parents to provide for you for the first 18 years. You owe them nothing for that ###### |
I am Asian, and live in an Asian community where everyone in town know each other. We gather once every 2-3 months.
A was my classmate in university. We're not really close, just somewhat between acquantance and friend. After graduation we haven't talked much, as she got married to her long time Muslim boyfriend, being busy with the family, and I started working hard. She is known for being godly, adopts Muslim diet and doesn't miss prayer time since uni.
2 months ago, she moved to our neighborhood and we both think the gathering is a good way to get to know people. This time it was held in our place. Now you may know that most of Chinese dishes contain pork, which is prohibited in Islam. I asked several Muslim-Chinese about what do they eat, and got to know that they still make the same dishes, but replace pork by either lamb/chicken. So I made normal Chinese food with pork, and halal-dupes for A. Her husband had night shift, so she joined the party alone, and didn't look pleased when I noticed her about the food. She just didn't speak much and was keeping distance from me, so after that I had to messaged her about how did things go. Finally, she said she feels being discriminated because I served her different foods, and told me that I could always make pork-free food at first and that people wouldn't mind.
My original intention was only to respect her religion, but I feel like she has her point. So AITA? ###### | NTA
If you were discriminating against her, you wouldn't have cooked for her at all. IMO you were incredibly sweet by researching and cooking a separate meal for her so she would be able to eat with everyone. 100% NTA ###### |
Approx 4 years ago I split with my ex. We were engaged and he had a close friend of mine design the ring. My friend knows me well and spent months searching for the perfect stone. It was my dream ring.. too bad it wasn’t my dream guy.
When we split he insisted I keep the ring, and I’ve pretty much had it hidden away since then not knowing what I wanted to do with it. It’s quite valuable so I’ve considered selling it, but I do think it is beautiful (especially the stone) and also carries a lot of life lessons with it - our relationship essentially ended because I decided that I was worthy of love and deserved better, so I feel that it somewhat represents my strength and self love more than it represents him or the relationship.
I feel now that I would like to have the stone made into a pendant/necklace and sell the setting. I’m a bit on the fence and don’t want to upset my current SO by wearing part of my engagement ring from my ex. WIBTA if I did this? ###### | NTA
If you wanted to wear it on your left ring finger that would be one thing, but if you re-set it it’s no longer an engagement ring. There’s no point in owning gemstones you can’t wear.
For the record, nearly every divorced woman I know owns a pendant made out of their old ring. Wedding and engagement rings are expensive and have terrible re-sale value. ###### |
Okay, this recently happened. My boyfriend brought some Stoney Patch he got from a dealer in our small village. I'm not extremely educated when it comes to weed and other kind of things. I'm always that kind of person who likes to research new things so I googled it and watches some videos, some people say that these ones that he got are fake etc etc. I thought okay, I'm not surprised because dealers can sell you fake stuff especially when you're in a small village in England.
My boyfriend ate one, went to the bathroom and came back and sat with me in the room. This is where I might have fucked up... I told him in a very nice voice "don't get your hopes up...they might be fake" and then he got a bit irritated and angry and said:
"Oh my God shut the fuck up, do you have to be such a buzz kill? Let me fucking enjoy it". I didn't mean to be a buzz kill, I just wanted to share what I have read online about it. It was not my intention. I got a bit sad because I always feel like I can't say things without him getting angry. Anyways. I told him to not get angry because I just said one small thing but then he also said I ruin everything and I have ruined this. He said he doesn't care if they're fake or not he wants to enjoy them.
AITA? ###### | NTA
If you can’t tell him anything without him getting angry I have some bad news for ya ###### |
Just some background, I belong to a low-income family so it took me a lot of hard work to earn a laptop. It’s the only thing that I use for school as all my notes are in there. Especially now that we have a crisis, it’s gonna be hard to buy a new one if I ever break or lose my laptop.
Recently, my sister accidentally broke her chromebook that she’s been using for school. We have no way to have it fixed because of the situation. She’s been known to accidentally break things (her charger, bike, etc) because of her carelessness. The only other device that she has is her iPad but she complains that it’s too small to do her homework. So, my dad asked if my sis could borrow my laptop. I said no because i’m scared she might break it, but my dad got mad because he couldn’t afford to buy her a new chromebook yet. So AITA? ###### | NTA
If she has a history of breaking things I wouldn't lend her anything either especially because she had your dad ask you instead of asking herself. ###### |
Throwaway as daughter loves browising reddit
I have two kids a daughter and my son. They both love Nintendo. My son has a ps4 and a switch lite my daughter has a home console switch and pc. My daughter is 16 and my son is 14. Today my daughter went into my son room and grabbed his switch lite and took it near the stairs. She tried stealing my sons Pokemon collection in sword and shield as their ton of shines.
My daughter ended up dropping my sons switch lite My son saved up for his switch lite and it fell and broke. I heard the noise and found my switch lite and found my daughter their she was trying to escape. After that I then went into my daughter room and told her since she destroyed my sons switch lite she is going to have to give up her home switch since she destroyed it . My daughter started screaming at me saying I am a bad parent and I hate her. ###### | NTA
I’m sorry this is really hard to read.
The daughter broke something that the bro saved up for. That’s messed up yo. ###### |
We don’t usually have arguments, but when we do, it gets intense. I don’t ever shout at her, my parents always did that shit to me and I would never do it. The thing is, she always cries and says I’m being too harsh. I honestly don’t think I am.
I feel like crying in a fight is an unhealthy way to make your point. You can’t just cry for everything just to get your way. When I told her this, she burst into tears and began saying that I don’t care about her emotions.
So, AITA?
Edit: My reasoning is that whenever she cries, I feel shitty, like I did it to her. I don’t know what to do then, I can’t keep on making my argument. Our most recent argument was that she made a $500 purchase without consulting me. It was just for another purse. ###### | NTA
I'm a cryer. I can't get through an argument without tears, I hate it, and I hate when people judge me for it or think I'm being manipulative just because I'm crying. I literally can't help it, it's a physical reaction to stress. BUT, my husband knows this about me, and we made up from the beginning that I will not let tears get in the way of communication. Sometimes our discussions about intense topics take a lot longer. Sometimes I have to wait a long time after he says something before I can respond, so that I can get myself under control. So he calmly and patiently waits until I'm ready, and then we keep talking it out until we've resolved the issue. I don't just start crying and end the conversation there! As well, I know in the beginning it made him feel bad when I cried, like he felt guilty that he caused me to cry, or worried that he was hurting my feelings, so I frequently reassured him that it was just my reaction to stressful conversations and I would hate for him to feel bad about it, and these days it's just a given.
If she's using her tears to avoid the conversation, I say that's all on her and she's totally in the wrong. ###### |
Earlier this week, I had a really strange doctor's appointment. I want to say up front that my doctor didn't harass me or make me feel uncomfortable during the appointment, but it was an unusually long appointment (almost an hour) where the doctor asked me a ton of questions about myself that didn't relate directly to my health. I didn't really think much of it at the time, I just thought he was making small talk.
I went to this doctor as a referral from a close friend of mine who had the same experience. Really long appointment, tons of questions, overall a very friendly guy. My friend interpreted this as a doctor who actually cares about patients since most doctors will barely spend 15 minutes with you.
The thing is, the day after this appointment I got a text from my doctor saying that he thought I was a beautiful and confident woman and he would love to go out with me sometime. I never gave him my number, he must have got it from the forms I filled out before the appointment.
I haven't replied to him but this feels really sketchy to me. I have no idea if this is legal or not but it definitely feels unprofessional. I have a feeling he texted me and not my friend because he asked my relationship status in a casual way. It didn't really register at the time but now it feels really manipulative. He did the same thing to my friend, and she's not single.
I don't want to ruin this guy's career, but I do think it should be known that he's invading his patient's privacy like this for personal reasons.
WIBTA if I skipped confronting him directly and went straight to reporting him? ###### | NTA
I'd report him right away.
He's abusing his position to gain access to confidential information about his clients.
Most likely, he's done this before or will do it again. ###### |
So my bf 29 and I 25 have been together for about 5 years now. During these 5 years we had a brief breakup due to some immaturity on both ends towards the start of the relationship and infidelity on his end, however this was all worked on and we’re in a healthy relationship now.
Recently his sister had moved into the area from interstate and had been spending a lot of time in our house and specifically with my partner’s best friend who was at the time engaged. It came to our attention that she was sleeping with this friend of my BF’s despite him being engaged. My bf said it’s none of our business and I should ignore it but they were being so intimate so publicly, even inviting us out on ‘dates’ with the two of them where they were ridiculous with the PDA. I’m all for people being happy but what about the girl who’s being cheated on behind her back? I eventually privately messaged the girl and told her about the whole thing, which has angered everyone, especially my bf for interfering to the point where he almost asked me to take my thing and leave. Idk why I did it, maybe it’s because I’ve been cheated on before and it’s a touchy subject for me? Maybe I just couldn’t take the burden of knowing about this scandal? Am I an asshole for spilling the beans?
This is a pretty messy story and it’s hard to condense but I hope I can get an honest opinion from a neutral 3rd party. ###### | NTA
I wish more people where like you and spoke up about family cheating on theyre SO.
You did the right thing and your bf is stupid for not wanting you to say something.
Stay honest ###### |
My son and only child is 13. He woke me and my wife up crying and shaking the other night, he’s never ever done the before, so I was concerned. My wife, on the other hand was mad, she told him to go back to sleep in a snappy tone.
I got up and lead to the kitchen, I got us a glass of water and we talked about it for a while. It was pretty bad too, i don’t think I should say it here, because it was a private talk. All I’ll say is I get why it made him cry.
I tucked him back in and ran my fingers through his hair till he fell asleep. When I got back to our bedroom, my wife asked where I was. When I told her, she asked what the dream was about, I told her that she would know if she cared earlier. This pissed her off. AITA?
Edit: I apologized to her, but she won’t apologize to our son. ###### | NTA
I understand being annoyed at being woken up. But your child came to you in tears. It’s a hard choice to wake up your parents because you need them.
I think your response was appropriate. She could have realized she reacted poorly and joined you both to apologize and talk about it, yet chose to remain in bed. She didn’t care enough in the moment or after the fact when she knew you were with him. ###### |
My (34f) husband (33m) has terrible allergies. This time of year his nose is always running. This is not his fault. However, what he uses to blow his nose blows -my- mind. Bathroom and hand towels (his and mine), kitchen towels, shirts, my sweaters, socks (both clean and used)- anything. And on top of this, he leaves whatever he’s been using laying around because he might need it again later.
After a few nasty surprises and a few instances of having nothing to dry my hands with in the kitchen, I bought him a big pack of handkerchiefs from Amazon, and a big pack of new dish towels. I asked him if he could please just use the new handkerchiefs and the -old- dish towels and spare the other household fabrics, and put the designated nose-blowers in their own spot.
He snapped “You know you can wash all of this stuff right??” and implied I’m being judgy and making him feel bad just because he has allergies. This feels crazy to me but.... AITA? ###### | NTA
I see so many of these posts where the married man has no awareness or consideration of simple hygiene tasks. From missing the toilet bowl to this, blowing his nose in clean clothes and not washing them? Yikes. ###### |
My wife is a professional level chef, or I guess was. Anyway, I usually cook on weekends and Fridays, and she cooks during the rest of the week.
The thing is, when she sees me cooking, she always tries to help me. Like, I don’t add enough salt, then she adds more salt. It’s super annoying, and I’ve told her to stop that or else I wouldn’t cook about a hundred times. I decided to stop last Sunday. Now, she’s getting mad at me. She says that I’m throwing a tantrum.
I’m not. I’m just keeping up my words for once. If she changes, then I’ll cook.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA
I remember hearing a story that a famous tv chef’s wife started a spaghetti sauce and he came in and tasted it. “That’s good, but you should add this and this will make it better...” She walked out of the kitchen to let him finish the sauce and refused to cook for one year. Next year rolled around and she started her spaghetti sauce again. He went in and tasted it. “How is it, dear?” “It’s the best sauce I’ve ever tasted. I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Now they share cooking. Lesson learned. ###### |
I (18F) was talking with my sister (21F) about relationships, and she asked if I wanted to have kids one day. I said no, and gave a couple reasons as to why. Mostly because I don't want to put my body through the turmoil of being pregnant, and I also just don't really want to be a mom. I said I'd consider fostering or maybe adopting, but it's unlikely. I also said I don't want kids because I want to be someone's favourite person, and a child would end up being my partner's favourite.
My sister said that's a shitty reason to not want kids, and that I'm an asshole for even saying that. She said I'm selfish and manipulative, and should never get married if that's the mindset I have.
Growing up, I was always my parents' least favourite child, my siblings' least favourite sibling, and my friends' least favourite of the group. This is where I think my reasoning behind all of this stems from; feeling inadequate and unwanted by the people around me. My parents also got married, had 3 kids, and then ended up in a loveless marriage. I don't want that to be my future; my partner falling out of love with me and I have to live knowing I'm not special to anyone.
I understand I'm not obligated to have kids if I don't want them, but now I feel like she might be right. AITA? ###### | NTA
I hate that the default in society is “I want kids”, and you have to justify why you DON’T want them.
The default should be “I don’t want kids”, and people should justify why they DO want them.
We would have less crappy parents that way. ###### |
My stepson is only 19 and has crashed two cars while drunk, has been fired from about 7 jobs in the last two years because he “was too tired” to go to work and leaves his room looking like an episode of hoarders. I can barely walk through his room to do laundry because it’s so messy. He comes and goes as he pleases and walks in drunk almost every night waking me up when I have to be at work the next morning. Tonight I woke up to him screaming “fuck fuck fuck” in the backyard and the smell of burning. He smashed his phone and we think the burning smell may be coming from that but can’t tell for sure. The whole house smells like burning chemicals now and I have two young children of my own who are now having to breathe it in and hear their stepbrother screaming and slurring like a lunatic. I told my husband either he kicks him out and let’s him hit rock bottom somewhere or I will move out with the kids. I don’t deserve to live this way and neither do they. AITA? ###### | NTA
How hasn’t this kid been in jail or rehab yet, especially at 19? ###### |
Hey guys! So this is an issue that's been weighing on me for some time now. A few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I were on a Zoom call with her parents. I've never felt 100% comfortable with her parents, partially because her mom is known to make derogatory comments about my height. She often refers to the pair of us as "the long and the short of it". For context, my girlfriend is 5' 9'' and I am three inches shorter.
The Zoom call was going well until my girlfriend's mom began talking about her culinary experimentation with souffles. She was lamenting about how quickly souffles deflate, and my girlfriend hurried in to say that I must be a souffle because I was tall-ish in my childhood but stopped growing. I was enraged at what she said, not just because of how cruel it was, but also because she must have known how her mother would react. Both her parents started laughing and her father even went on to compare me to a lemon souffle, which I assume was a racial joke. I then told my girlfriend that if I was a souffle, she must be a double stuffed Oreo because she had gained weight during the stay-at-home-order. Her dad laughed at that, but her mom was very displeased and ended the Zoom call. Afterwards, my girlfriend told me that she was very disappointed in me, although I felt that I had to salvage my dignity in front of her parents. Things have been pretty awkward between us ever since then, so I'm wondering AITA? ###### | NTA
Honestly, she shouldn't be dishing it if she can't take it, especially about a physical feature that can't be changed.
Your height is normal, sorry about your girlfriend. ###### |
This happened last year, before this craziness, but my ex is still angry about it.
My son is in high school. His school has a heavily discounted drivers ed program that they run twice a year, once in the fall and once in the spring. My son's father and I agreed that he would take that program because it was designed around school hours and much less expensive. My son qualified to take the program in the spring, and could get his license at the beginning of June. If he didn't take it in the spring, he couldn't get his license until January.
My son lives with me most of the time and goes to his dad's every other weekend. While he was at his dad's, he was picking on his half sister and his dad decided to punish him by telling him he couldn't take drivers ed until the fall. He did not consult me on this.
I was very upset when he told me this and asked him to change the punishment. He refused because he felt he would undermine his own authority. I pointed out that this punishment made my life harder, because that was 6 more months that I would have to drive him to school, extracurriculars, friends' houses etc. He still refused to change the punishment, so I told him that I was going to pay for drivers ed on my own. I was very frustrated that he wouldn't work with me, especially because I have made sure that my punishments in the past haven't affected his relationships with his father. For example, I don't take away his cell phone because he texts with his dad during the week.
When my son came back to my house, I told him that he could still take driver's ed but he would still not be able to have friends over for a week as his new punishment. He has since been in contact with his father much less and his father blames me for undermining him and letting him take drivers ed anyway. Am I the asshole for undermining my ex? ###### | NTA
His punishment didn't require any effort on his part.
He should have taken his phone for x days or grounded him.
Your ex has to learn that his "authority" or more aptly his parenting decisions has to be done in lockstep with his kid's mother.
Its his fault for choosing this as his punishment. ###### |
So my partner still brings this up on occasion and everyone seems to think it’s super crazy / mean of me, and I’m *still* not very close with the couple this involves, but I literally don’t think it’s that bad?
So three years ago, my boyfriend and I went on a road trip. We visited two of his friends along the way. They’re a couple and I’d met them twice before, but we weren’t close. The guy in the couple was my boyfriend’s college buddy.
While there, my bf broke my suitcase when he dropped it down too hard. I asked if he’d repay me for it, and college buddy jumped in and said “no, what? You’d really ask that....? that’s really rude. He shouldn’t pay you anything, it was an accident.”
I’m a frustrated crier so I got a little teary eyed and went upstairs. My boyfriend didn’t agree with college buddy, he said since he’d broken it he’d just buy me a new one, so it worked out fine— but the next day when I came downstairs the three of them were having breakfast.
The girl goes “hey, feeling better?” I said yeah, I feel fine. She goes “oh good, the crying was a little melodramatic, we’re all glad that’s over!” And they all laughed. I flatly said “Well, that was an inappropriate thing to say.”
It got a little awkward for a few minutes but it blew over. Later as we were leaving she came up to me semi-privately and said “hey I’m sorry, I just tend to be very honest with my good friends” and I said in genuine surprise, “okay? But we aren’t friends. I’ve met you three times.” She looked absolutely shell-shocked and said “wow, that was pretty rude. All when I was trying to apologize, too.” I said “I’m not trying to be mean. You and I are not friends.”
My boyfriend thought it was hilarious in a shocking way that I’d “actually say that to her”. He maintains its the most blatantly rude thing he’s ever seen me do. Apparently it’s a “southern thing” to just call every person you meet a friend, and by saying she wasn’t my friend i basically declared her my mortal enemy.
AITA? ###### | NTA
Her: I’m super honest with friends
You: *is super honest*
Her: *surprised Pikachu face*
This is hilarious, she basically asked for it. She was rude and called it honesty, then when you were like okay she likes blunt honesty, she called you rude. And she doesn’t even see how hypocritical that is. It’s great. ###### |
I (24f) allow my cousin(26m)and his 2 kids to live with me and my girlfriend. I have extreme asthma and other breathing difficulties. My gf suffers from extreme migraines. I only let my cousin stay because I love my neices. He is an avid smoker and never has payed me for him living here. I let him stay in my spare bedroom that used to be the gaming room. My nieces sleep there too. I've caught him smoking in there several times and asked him to stop.
A few weeks ago when I came home I found him in the living room smoking. I yelled at him and said if I caught him smoking again I would kick him out. Well I get a call from my gf at work which is weird but I answered it and she told me she can't find her gold necklace. I first think its just lost somewhere and brush it off. Well I come home just as my gf is leaving to go to the doctors and I walk into my cousins room when she leaves and find a still lit cigarette in the ash tray and I then look all around the room for the box and find the necklace in his empty pants pocket. So i put out the cigarette take a puff of my inhaler and then set them on the table. I proceeded to wait for my cousin. To get back from taking my nieces to the park. He comes back and i tell the girls to go in the other room and then i tell him that he has 3 days to leave. And he then throws a tantrum, calls me names and accuses me of looking through his stuff and then I remind him that he stole from my gf and that he has put my health at risk just so he can smoke.
My aunt called me a heartless bitch and hasnt spoken to me since. My gf thinks I was to hard on him. I called the mom of my nieces so she could come and get them. So reddit did I make a mistake by kicking them out? ###### | NTA
He stole your stuff and refused to stop smoking in your home, where you let him stay, for free. You are in no way the asshole.
(Except maybe for the formatting. My eyes man, they’re in pain.) ###### |
My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) bought an ounce of weed together and split the cost in half and then divided it in two. We don’t live together so I figured when he’d come to mine, we’d smoke my half and when I’d go to his, we’d smoke his half. So basically, he smoked all of his and I’ve been giving him some of mine or bringing mine over to his place. This is where I get mad...
We work together and we headed straight to work from his place so I had my bag full of the things I brought to his place the night before in the break room. At the end of the night, he drove me home and we said goodnight to each other. I figured he’d ask me for some weed, but he didn’t which I thought was strange.
I get inside, go to get my weed so I can pack my bong after a double shift of work. I get to the bag and see that my pax and most of the weed I had is gone. I was really bothered by this because he went through my purse behind my back, didn’t even mention it to me. I called him and asked if he went through my purse and he just starts saying my name over and over again in a monotone and tired voice talking to me like he did nothing wrong and that I’m freaking out for no reason. I told him that I don’t care about the weed I care that he was being sneaky. He started saying that he didn’t think it was a big deal and he just wanted a relaxing night to himself. I admit I was getting angry and I said I just don’t know why you have to be sneaky about it. He said he’d talk to me tomorrow after I calmed down a little and hung up when I was about to defend my position.
This isn’t a unique situation where my boyfriend has got into things that I have not given him permission to go into.
So, AITA? Sometimes after we have a disagreement, he has a way of convincing me that what I’m feeling isn’t correct and I may be a little off emotionally. ###### | NTA
He stole from you.
And he tried to gloss over/hide the fact that he stole from you.
Then he said that you're the problem for being angry that he stole from you.
Don't be with someone who steals from you. ###### |
Weeks ago my friend Paul, who is a first time dog owner, told me that his puppy seemed a bit sad and didn’t want to play. I told him to go to the vet and have it checked because it could be something. He said he would do it that weekend. The next Monday I asked him how his dog is doing and what the vet’s diagnosis is. He said he didn’t get take the dog to the vet because he and his family had a cook out. I told him to make time because it’s one of his responsibilities as a pet owner, and he said he would.
The next week he told me that his dog threw up and asked what he should do to make it feel better. I said that it’s not uncommon for dogs to throw up, but he should really go to the vet because the last time my dog was lethargic, it turned out that he had ehrlichia which can be fatal if untreated, and vomiting is also a symptom of that disease. He said he would take his dog to the vet that weekend, but when Sunday came around and I asked him about his dog, he hadn’t taken it to the vet.
Today he called me sounding very anxious and said that his dog didn’t want to eat so he finally took him to the vet the tests showed that his dog does have ehrlichia. He said he remembers me saying that it’s fatal, and he said he's really worried and he doesn’t know if he can take it if his dog dies.
I told him and said that it’s rich for him to say that now, considering that his dog has been showing symptoms for weeks and I’ve been telling him to take it to the vet for weeks but he kept on putting it off. He needed only one hour in the past three weeks to go to the vet but he waited until things got worse. So now if anything happens to his dog, I think he can definitely ‘take it’ since he didn’t seemed concerned about it even though it hadn’t been itself for weeks.
He got angry at me and said that he was already feeling low and he just wanted my support as a friend and as someone who has been in this situation before but all I’m doing is blaming him.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA
He had ample opportunity to take care of his pet, and he chose not to do anything about it. And now he wants your support? Weren’t you supporting him for the last 3 weeks telling him to take his dog to the vet?
I hope the pup makes it, but if it doesn’t he shouldn’t get another dog. ###### |
Hi all! I'm pretty sure I'm the asshole here but I wanted to be certain and maybe get a bit of advice on how to move
Me [20F] and my bf [20M] were eating lunch in the kitchen today. We were reading funny Reddit comments to each other and I found an interesting fact on bees and decided to share it.
This for context: "Male honey bees are called drones and their only purpose is reproduction. They don’t even have a stinger. When they succeed in mating with a queen, their genitals explode and they die. If they don’t succeed in mating with a queen, they are dragged out of the hive by the worker bees (female) before winter, and die."
I told him this pretty excitedly because I thought it was the kind of cool slightly gross fact we love to share. He didn't think so and started getting aggressive over how it's a gendered offensive comment and I should basically know better. I tried to defuse it but it didn't work.
He started talking about how it was unfair that men were getting attacked just for being male and that people are using animals to make extrapolations on men. I tried to explain it was a cool bee fact but he blamed me for reading gendered comments from shitty subreddits. He started going on about job inequalities and how women get more benefits and he stalked out of the kitchen.
Later when he walked by me he said "Hi, Slut" really angrily.
Now I'm sitting here 7 hours later and he's still furious at me.
I'm pretty sure it was my bad from the start and I should have picked better things to share, but I feel his reaction is a bit unfair as well. AIT (only) A? ###### | NTA
Girlfriend: Shares interesting fact about bees.
Boyfriend: “Quit hating on men, slut.”
See how this doesn’t add up? ###### |
I’m (26F) and almost 7 months pregnant (2 days away), I thankfully still have my job. Sadly my fiancé (32M) was laid off, due to his job not being essential.
I have even taken extra days to be able to support us and still have money when baby comes. Today is day 19 of me working without a day off (my boss always checks in with me to make sure I’m okay and still healthy to work, they are the best).
Fiancé hasn’t been able to get a temporary job, therefore I believe at the very least his job, for the time being, is to keep our place in order and clean. He says it’s both our job. If we weren’t in our current situation he would definitely be right, but I’m not only working all week (and seeing how the “stay at home” order keeps getting extended I might not have a “break” until baby comes)but I’m also almost in my third trimester of pregnancy.
I’ve pretty much have gone through every possible pregnancy symptom, and there is not one day of complete peace, once one symptom finally goes away another pops up to replace it. I believe he is being selfish, that he truly doesn’t understand what I’m going through.
Why is so difficult to keep our place clean, even when it comes to cooking, I HAVE to help him. I get off work and I still can’t relax. Meanwhile when I’m at work I’m sure he is online playing video games with his friends. It’s so infuriating.
It’s come to me constantly snapping at him because he is in his care free world. According to him I’m an asshole, just because I’m working everyday and pregnant doesn’t mean I can’t help him clean. ###### | NTA
Even if he was working, you are seven months pregnant.
Speaking as the husband of a pregnant woman, it’s our job to make your life as easy as we can and he should be doing the bulk of the housework because you are literally growing a human being inside you.
Given that he isn’t working, he should be doing every aspect of the housework.
If nothing else, he should want to out of boredom.
But also, get the house in good shape and you can keep it that way with literally 15 minutes of cleaning a day ###### |
Basically, I accidentally knocked my friend’s appliance off the kitchen counter, shattering it. I told him I would order a new one, no problem. But now he’s saying he’d rather have the cash. Only problem is he’s insisting on $40 more than the price I’d pay on amazon for the exact same make and model. WIBTA if I said it’s either I order it or I give the amazon price in cash, not anything more? ###### | NTA
Either replacement cost or replacement item, not original cost ###### |
So last night my gf showed me a photo of a hairstyle she was thinking of changing too, she asked if i liked it and I said i wasnt a fan but she can do what she wants as its her hair.
So today shes in the bathroom for 3 hrs then comes out and then i say. I then say im still not a fan of it but it looks fine. She then cries for the next hour, tells me i should leave then tells her mum who tells her she should get a new bf and im over here like wtf why ask for my opinion if u dont want it. What do u guys think? ###### | NTA
Did she get quarantine bangs??? Lol ###### |
Me (25) and happily engaged to a wonderful women.
I came out to my family last year and since then I was proposed to, I said yes horah.
However my family are, to say the least deeply Conservative. Growing up they were excessively anti-LGBTQ+ which made coming out really hard, I made them a promise that I wouldn't post on social media about it until they were ready and to give them a heads up.
It's been almost a year and they stopped speaking to me other than to send me homophobic news articles.
Today over pride month I wanted to tell my friends and cousins. To be honest and show my love, so I spoke to my cousins who expressed support like no other. And I wrote my post on Facebook to the wider audience.
Then the phone calls from my immediate family came in, demanding I delete the post as I had promised them I'd ask first. My older sister told me she owed me nothing anymore and that my parents were going to kill themselves over it unless I deleted it immediately.
These people haven't spoken to me about how I feel, and about me coming out. They've refused to see me when I offer to fly home, saying I'm welcome in their house but not as a gay woman.
I have refused to delete the post and everyone else is giving me the love and support I've needed this last year. My family have told me I've betrayed them.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA
Clearly they were never going to “give you permission” and honestly, why are you even interested in maintaining a relationship with them? ###### |
So me and my fiancé are doing some work in our backyard, so for the past week or so I’ve had to take our dogs for walks through the neighborhood about 4 times a day, always walking past the same house right across the street from us.
The first few times, i noticed a dog barking when i walked by, but didn’t think much of it. But it happened every single time I walked by, so it started to catch my attention. Listening closer, I can tell that the dog is barking from the neighbors garage - the bark echoes and can clearly be identified as coming from the garage.
If this happened once, I wouldn’t think too much of it, but it’s every time I walk by from about 7am until the last time I take my dogs out around 9pm every night. I think they are keeping this dog in the garage all day most days.
I live in a very warm area approaching summer, and the high temperatures are starting to approach/exceed 90F daily here. I don’t feel like it’s safe to keep a dog in a closed up garage all day in the middle of the summer, but i also don’t want to approach my neighbors myself. The type of people who leave a dog sitting in hot garage all day probably wouldn’t listen to me or would get hostile with me, and then if i did end up calling someone on them they’d know it’s me, which I’d prefer they don’t.
So, WIBTA if I call animal control to check this out? ###### | NTA
Calling animal control to check on the dogs isn't the worst thing to do, especially since you're worried about the animal.
That being said, don't be too surprised if nothing is done about it. As long as the owner can prove that they're providing the bare minimum (in terms of care), animal control's hands are tied.
A (kinda) similar situation happened to us. Our neighbors kept their 2 dogs chained up in their backyard all day, every day regardless of temp (hot as balls or cold as tits). We called animal control and they verified that the dog had a dog house outside and food. That's it. I felt so sorry for those dogs, you could see the sadness in their eyes, but we couldn't do anything (legally) about it. ###### |
its been going on for a while, but durring the lock down her complaining about not being able to find a 'man up to her standards' has gotten the better of me(26f).
Her wants:
roughly her age
Never married
No kids
high paying job
no exes drama
fit/stays in shape
loyal
doesnt mind spoiler her and their kids.
Now thats not an unseasonable expectation on its face but she(36f)...
1 marriage ended in divorce
3 kids by 3 different guys, yes one is the ex husbands(middle kid)
VERY low paying job, needs welfare and mom's help to get by since her baby daddys are dead beats
lotta baby daddy drama
60 pounds over weight
far as i know shes never been a cheater though
Shes still been trying online dating during the lock down, but she says shes keeping it to just talking with hopes of meeting after the rona. Which i do think is the responsible way to do it and Im very glad shes handling her search that way. But she keeps complaining, usually via text, every day how theres no good guys that meet her standards. most the high earners have a kid or ex wife, or dont have time to work out due to his job.
So I told her, in private of course, that"you needs to be realistic. 99% of high earning mid 30s men dont want someone with multiple kids by multiple men, that has no income and is overweight. the '1%' of men look for the '1%' of women. If she wants a new husband she'll likely have to settle for medium income and probably at least an ex if not a kid". She called me a bitch for trying to tear down her dream. now mom is upset with me for being too 'mean'.
was i an asshole and went too far? ###### | NTA
But isn’t it a bit hypocritical of her to have those expectations when her own “qualifications” are 180 opposite? She can judge men using these criteria but others can’t judge her with the same criteria? I don’t see logic. ###### |
My whole family are really annoyed with me and I think it's total bullshit.
About 10 weeks ago I got an email to reapply for my student grant next year, so i went online, filled out the application form and they emailed me saying that everything should be fine and that the process would be automatic, that all thet had to do was call the college to confirm that I was progressing.
Today I was driving my dad across the city so he could drop his stereo off outside a repair shop to get it repaired. He asked me how I was getting on with my student grant application and I told him I had submitted it 10 weeks ago. He then asked me about the letter and the forms I had to fill out.
I asked him what he was talking about and it turns out that I had gotten a letter from the grant office 2 weeks ago asking for vital additional information. My parents had opened the letter and never told me about it, since half of the details needed to come from them, they just never told me/forgot to tell me about the letter. The grant Office specified that the documents need to be returned to them within 21 days and include my father's tax return figures which he says he will have done early next week because they are going to visit my sister across the country for the weekend.
That means it is possible that my letter back to the grant office could be late and I could potentially lose my grant, without which I will not be able to continue my studies.
I got really angry that 1) they opened my mail without telling me. 2) they won't have the documents I need until it might be too late and 3) don't seem to care that I might not get to finish my final year of university. I yelled at them about it and called them selfish and now my family are all telling me how wrong and mean I am.
AITA for getting mad at them? I know it's not great to shout at people but I feel my anger was warranted in this case.
I ###### | NTA
but call the grant office RIGHT NOW to ask if you can submit a PDF signed copy and send out your physical copy once it’s completed. The mail systems have slowed down a lot anyway, and this system has been preferred for my work grants. NORMALLY with grant applications, the cut off date is the date it was posted, not received (confirm this with grant officers).
I had the same thing happen except my parents threw out my entrance packet for my university. Just call, explain, and tell your parents to 1) not open your mail, and 2) leave it in a pre determined spot when it comes in.
Best of luck! ###### |
I've been in between on the issue. I love animals so maybe that's clouding my judgment.
My close friend's brother is Autistic and is classified as high functioning. She's his roommate but will be moving out in June. They have a cat who is a sweetheart. When I sleepover she's my cuddle bug. Sake of the story I'll call her Fluff. For some reason her brother says Fluff is his cat but yells at her constantly for small things like sitting on the sofa, sniffing his clothes, ect. I was disappointed to hear my friend wasn't taking Fluff when she moves out. Her brother just found a potential roommate whose allergic to cats. They plan on giving Fluff away now. Her brother knows this but constantly tells everyone who comes into the house they're getting rid of her because she's a terrible cat. I try to change the subject or leave but he keeps saying it. Well now he's topped it by saying he hopes someone adopts her when she's in the 'pound' but if no one does and she gets euthanized he'll understand. I've tried to shrug this off and say it's his disorder, but the way he treats Fluff and the way he's acting was hurting me I snapped and told him Fluff is leaving for his new roommate, not because she's 'bad', she'll likely find a way better loving home with an owner who actually deserves her. My friend has scolded me for this by reminding me he can't help what he's saying and refuses to let me back in her place until I shape up. Was I wrong here Reddit? ###### | NTA
Autism isn’t a pass to be an asshole or cruel to animals. ###### |
Hi everybody,
I live in Germany (so please excuse my grammer and vocab) and here it is forbidden by the law to purchase, use or be in posession of fireworks from the 01.05 to the 28.12 of the year.
Across the street there is an american family living, and on July the 4th they decided to shoot some fireworks. Since it is summer, darkness doesnt fall till around 22:00 (11pm). Around that time my neighborus started shooting of fireworks. I dont mind them having their celebration, but after 45 minutes of ongoing firework (around 1 rocket/minute) i called the police on them. In Germany we have a law which regulates the "Nachtruhe" (Nightrest-time). It states that after 22:00 (10pm) you are not allowed to listen to loud music/tv.
I myself sleep from 10 pm to 6am every day. So i was disturbed in my "Nachtruhe" and woken up by my fellow american neighbours. At first i did not thought anything of it, but since i was unable to sleep and neither did they tell us about them planning to be loud past 22:00 at all. nor did they tell us till when they are going to shoot of fireworks i called the police after 45 minutes (I hoenestly wouldnt care if they were loud for 10 minutes and than got inside, but it is a dick move to make noise for >45 minutes).
I dont know any of them personally/dont have their phonenumber and didnt want to get dressed just to get over to their house to talk to them. Tbh i didnt want to talk to them at all, because it is just an a-hole move to be that loud at that time on a regular german day.
They now have to pay a fine for being too loud and for the illegal posession and usage of fireworks which is around 300€. (By German Standards this is a really really cheap fine, it could have easily been 10.000€).
​
So reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA
As you said, you would have let it go if it were just 10 minutes. As inconsiderate as they were, I guess 10 minutes isn’t that bad.
But there seemed to be no end in sight. They were preventing who knows how many people from sleeping. People who have to work in the morning.
Some laws just ask to be broken and people will look the other way... until you become obnoxious about it. ###### |
My mom is graduating from her PhD program. She’s been using a hand me down MacBook Air for over 5 years, and it’s basically falling apart at the seams. So as a surprise my bro and I got her a brand new MacBook Air.
My mom has a lot more money than me. She can easily buy herself a laptop but she doesn’t like to spend her money. The laptop was a big expense for me but it was a special time in her life, she genuinely needed it and I knew she wouldn’t get it for herself, so I didn’t mind.
Ever since the laptop arrived she’s done nothing but complain about it. It’s too slow (but every time I check it it works fine). The first few days she refused to even open the box to unpack it. She’s been saying she would rather have the money instead and joking (partially) that she would use it for Botox.
She’s been saying she wants me to return it or buy it from her bc I don’t have a computer. I got fed up and asked if she was sure and she said yes excitedly thinking she’d get the money. I told her nope. That I needed that money. I told her to go to my brother for his portion of the money if she wanted but I have more important uses for the money.
I feel guilty because it is a gift and I feel If I could afford to I would just give her the money and brush it off. But I’m also hurt by her attitude. One time she was eating toast with the laptop on her lap and I told her to be careful to not get crumbs in the keyboard. Out of retaliation she purposely started breaking the bread apart over the computer. I’m willing to go out of my way for a need she genuinely has but I can’t afford to buy luxury items for her that she can easily shoulder the expense for.
She’s sulking at me now and said “you shouldn’t force things on me I don’t want.”
Am I the asshole for not giving her the money? ###### | NTA
And your mom is a very immature woman. Which goes to show you, education and maturity are 2 different things.
You did something nice and sometimes those gestures are wasted on the wrong people. This probably isn’t the first time you mom has shown you this behavior. So for future reference, ignore her behavior. It’s not a knock on you but on her. Get your money back and if you still want, though you aren’t obligated, get her a 100$ gift card or Groupon for botox at a decent clinic. ###### |
Me and my sister share a car right now, and when I was driving home about 3 or 4 days ago I got into a minor accident that wasn't my fault. The car got completely totaled cause the axel got bent, I was fine and the other driver was fine but ow the only car that works (that we can drive) is my mom's which she takes to work, while we take the bus to our work.
My sister has been blaming me over and over for this accident, and I have had enough. I told her to knock it off but it just didn't work. She is technically my half sister (share the same dad) and my dad cheated on her mom with my mom and had me. Her biggest insult she always calls me is "divorce baby" and I hate it with a passion. Our relationship other than that is alright but if we are ever fighting or I piss her off she will start saying that over and over. I forgot what exactly happen but I know she called me the divorce baby who couldn't drive and I locked myself in my room for the rest of the night.
Her birthday was yesterday and I was still mad at her from the previous night, and where I usually get a gift I got her a card and just wrote down "happy birthday" and called it a day. My mom says she is disappointed, and I told her that I'm not gonna take her calling me the divorce baby. She said I get you are mad but I shouldn't stoop to her level of pettiness.
AITA? ###### | NTA
And she needs to take her anger out on her dad, the actual person that cheated. ###### |
So my bf 29 and I 25 have been together for about 5 years now. During these 5 years we had a brief breakup due to some immaturity on both ends towards the start of the relationship and infidelity on his end, however this was all worked on and we’re in a healthy relationship now.
Recently his sister had moved into the area from interstate and had been spending a lot of time in our house and specifically with my partner’s best friend who was at the time engaged. It came to our attention that she was sleeping with this friend of my BF’s despite him being engaged. My bf said it’s none of our business and I should ignore it but they were being so intimate so publicly, even inviting us out on ‘dates’ with the two of them where they were ridiculous with the PDA. I’m all for people being happy but what about the girl who’s being cheated on behind her back? I eventually privately messaged the girl and told her about the whole thing, which has angered everyone, especially my bf for interfering to the point where he almost asked me to take my thing and leave. Idk why I did it, maybe it’s because I’ve been cheated on before and it’s a touchy subject for me? Maybe I just couldn’t take the burden of knowing about this scandal? Am I an asshole for spilling the beans?
This is a pretty messy story and it’s hard to condense but I hope I can get an honest opinion from a neutral 3rd party. ###### | NTA
And quite frankly, I’d question your boyfriend about his morals. Not necessarily because he didn’t tell himself, but because he encouraged the relationship by going out on double dates and allowing it in his home. He obviously thinks cheating is ok, and has a history of doing it himself. Personally, I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that because the likelihood of him cheating again seems high since he encourages his friend to do it. ###### |
Title sounds kinda confusing. Also sorry for any grammar mistakes, I’m french, English isn’t first language.
So right now I’m(15F) living with my brother(27) and his boyfriend(24). It’s temporary tho, I’ll be back with my parents in 2 weeks. I’ve been with them for a week, everything was going great.
Yesterday I got up early and I was bored, I thought I’d make something. I found easy mug brownie recipe so I made it. I found some powered sugar and there was a tiny bit left, so I sprinkled it on top of the brownie. As I was doing that my brother’s boyfriend walked in the kitchen and saw me. He got angry and asked me what I was doing. He told me that the sugar was expired and made me throw the brownie out. He told me that they were just keeping it because of memories because they got it while traveling. My brother was kinda mad too and told me that I should’ve asked him first before cooking something.
I haven’t apologized and I don’t think it’s my fault. They could’ve kept it anywhere other than kitchen if it’s just a decoration and not actually edible. ###### | NTA
A quick google search shows that powdered sugar doesn't expire and granulated sugar can last years.
The white powder might not have been sugar and that's why they are mad. Possibly drugs of some kind. It's good they stopped you if that's the case. ###### |
My fiancé proposed to me 3 days ago. We dated for 6 years previously.
To give you some insight as to why I’m upset, it’s because he’s RICH. Like owns a Rolls Royce and a mansion rich. Gucci belts and Chanel bags type rich. I didn’t know this when we initially started dating, he revealed it about 9 months into our relationship.
The ring is beautiful and I know that the ring says little about the quality of a marriage, But when he told me he got it from Etsy (I think) for only $140 after I had been gushing about it to everybody that would listen, I was really, really hurt.
He spent more on his dogs cage than my ring.
I feel like he doesn’t care about me, but when I let him know, he started accusing me of being a gold digger. His family is accusing me of being a gold digger.
I’m just really jarred because he previously had no qualms with spending money with me and I never took that for granted
I know I’m not entitled to his money and I was never with him for his money, but considering the extent to his wealth I don’t think I’m being unreasonable in my expectations. Am I? ###### | NTA
A lot of people are going to say you’re being shallow for not wanting an inexpensive ring but the ring represents a commitment and where his priorities are. If he was a frugal rich person I could understand but he’s obviously ok with designer labels and buying frivolous things. $140 ring off etsy feels like such an afterthought.
It doesn’t sound like you are demanding a $100k Tiffany diamond or anything unreasonable. If wanting a nice ring makes you a gold digger I think you need to evaluate what the rest of your life would be like with this man. ###### |
so i've (17M) picked up casual gaming again, mostly just simulator games like animal crossing and the sims. recently i downloaded a mobile game called obey me! shall we date because i'd been seeing it a while from friends and i thought it looked pretty fun. it's an otome game where you are an exchange student to hell have the option to date demons. pretty fun.
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i have family link on my phone, so my mom has to approve apps that i download. i sent a request for obey me! shall we date and she approved it. i assumed she read through the game content and didn't have a problem with it. **however**, this was not the case. the next day she asked to talk to me and essentially berated me for wanting to date demons, and expressed that she was disappointed in me playing a game related to occult things. i tried to explain that it was just a game, but she's of the opinion that i will become demon possessed if i continue to play it.
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personally, i don't think it's that big of a deal. this game is one of the most fun games i've played in a while. it’s not r-rated. in any case, why would she approve the app if she had a problem with it ? i feel like it's unfair to say i can have it and then suddenly change her mind. ###### | NTA
1. You're 17, your mom shouldn't have to "approve" your apps. You're not 10.
2. I've played games of the Shall We Date series before and they're completely harmless. It's honestly crazy to think that you'd be possessed by a demon for playing a dating sim. ###### |
Due to her work schedule, my daughter's mom can only see her 4 hours a day through the week and on weekends. The past week alone, there were 4 times she was too busy/didn't have time to pick her up, reasons given were that stayed up all night drinking with her brother last weekend and slept til 5 the next day, had to spend the next day doing the errands she was supposed to do instead of sleeping, laundy, and a date.
I told her I didn't want to her it anymore, since she easily could have prioritized seeing our daughter, and she starts calling me an asshole and saying I don't understand what it's like to be a single mom, or how busy she is. (I'm also a single parent, for the record)
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA
>slept til 5 the next day
5PM? ! You can drink 'all night' and be up by 10AM! Especially if you miss your daughter so much?! You gotta prioritize. Switch to water around 1AM or something, sheesh... ###### |
My mom asked me to post this to the 'asshole group' so here it is:
My youngest brother is wheelchair bound so my parents own a extended size accessible van. They had to pay a pretty good chunk of change for it and when it breaks down my brother is completely homebound until it's repaired.
The issue is that over time several people have asked to borrow the van. In the past people have asked to borrow it to drive groups of kids to summer camps or zoos, or other functions. Those times she said no.
Now, her best friend has asked her if she can borrow the van to go to a highschool graduation. Due to social distancing, the local highschool is doing a drive by graduation where they hand people their diploma through the window and announce their name on a loud speaker. Her friend's son is graduating so she wants to load a bunch of his friends into the van so that they can "be together for graduation". My mom said that she thinks it's a bad idea because that would violate social distancing rules, but she is feeling bad and having second thoughts. She wants to know if she is TA ###### | NTA
>she wants to load a bunch of his friends into the van so that they can "be together for graduation".
I, uh, don't think she understands why they're doing a drive by situation. Maybe you can explain it to her. Use short words. Maybe crayons. ###### |
This is so stupid I can’t believe I’m even asking but according to my daughter I’m the reason for her marital issues and I made her husband “tear up” So I was out of town overnight for my sister’s wedding. My wife didn’t attend because due to covid she could only have 15 people and my wife was understanding of that. I was supposed to come home in the morning but I decided to drive home and got there at about ten.
My daughter and SIL are staying with us while they get their shit together, and I don’t have much respect for him. For the most part I ignore him though I do ask sometimes if he has any job interviews scheduled and that apparently pisses him off. So I got him at night and my wife was in the shower and because I’m a terrible person I wanted to scare her. She’s so sexy I ended up in the shower with her, clothes and all, but I guess my daughter and SIL heard her screaming and came to check.
So I opened the door wearing my wet, admittedly expensive suit, and I guess that just set my SIL off. He started bitching about how I have so much and I take it for granted and I have no idea what he is going through. I told him I’m not responsible for his failures and I’ll fuck my wife in the shower anytime I want to.
According to my daughter I’m a bully for throwing his hardship in his face, but I’m not sure if I can take her at face value because she hates my wife, and the thought of me in the shower with my wife probably set her off. Well now the guy is sulking and ignoring me. So am I the asshole? ###### | NTA
>He started bitching about how I have so much and I take it for granted and I have no idea what he is going through. I told him I’m not responsible for his failures and I’ll fuck my wife in the shower anytime I want to.
Dude literally is living rent free in your house and has the audacity to lecture you on taking things for granted?!?!?
Lol does he see the irony in that? ###### |
AITA for not speaking to my sister until I get an apology
So I’m currently not speaking to my sister, being stuck inside is getting to her and we’re all a bit tense and fighting more, but over the last few months she’s taken to saying that I constantly insult her and that I’m a horrible sister. Bc of everything this has obviously happened more often and my brother has told me that my sister has repeatedly told my brother I have said that I’m always horrible to her.
For clarification, me and my sister have always got along very well, granted she can be annoying, and act out because she’s young, but I NEVER insult her, the worst I have done is call her out on her bad behaviour but I never insult her, I just don’t. Let alone say the things she’s accusing me of.
I ask her not to eat the strawberries with my name on them that I bought? Tells people I’m calling her fat
I ask her to leave my room bc I wanna be alone bc I’m talking about stuff I don’t want her hearing on the phone? I hate her and don’t wanna speak to her
When we were allowed I spent a lot of time at my boyfriends, in a fit of rage she has repeatedly said she likes it better when I’m not here.
I am tired of being told that I’m horrible and that I constantly insult her when I literally never do, so I’m not speaking to her until she apologises, my mum thinks I should drop it bc “she’s young and sHeS bEcOmInG a TeEnAgEr” and thinks I’m mean, but personally I know she’s extremely smart and picks up on things my mum thinks she doesn’t, and I think at almost 13 years old she’s old enough to take responsibility for her actions since I’ve taken this shit for months. ###### | NTA
>ask her not to eat the strawberries with my name on them that I bought? Tells people I’m calling her fat
>I ask her to leave my room bc I wanna be alone bc I’m talking about stuff I don’t want her hearing on the phone? I hate her and don’t wanna speak to her
She has a victim complex. You should not enable her. ###### |
Ever since my (28M) gym closed a few months ago, I've developed a pretty well-stocked home gym in my garage. The only problem is my garage is terribly lit, dim, and depressing. I've been working out with the door open for natural light, usually early in the mornings when nobody's out.
Yesterday I slept in pretty late, and only got to working out at 11. 15 minutes in, my neighbor who was doing gardening work across the street yelled over that I should "quit showing off"
I put on a tank top (I'd just been wearing leggings up to that point) and partially closed the garage door, but she sighed and shook her head on and off until she went inside.
AITA here? I was behind a bookshelf most of the time and I didn't think she'd see me. ###### | NTA
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You are free to do what you please in your garage. Are you sure she wasn't joking? It sounds like something I'd jokingly say to a neighbor who was clearly more physically fit than me, and I'd have zero serious issue with them working out. In fact, If I jokingly said that and saw that the neighbor took it seriously I'd feel like a total asshole. ###### |
We dated 15 years ago and have remained friends this whole time. Over the years, his political view points have changed drastically from what they used to be. He's now very heavily right-wing, which is fine. It doesn't interfere with our friendship really at all. We just don't bother to argue about the things we disagree on.
Lately, his Facebook posts have very aggressively focused in on the subject of abortion. I think he needs to have more grace on the subject because he pushed me to get an abortion when I got pregnant by him as a teenager. I absolutely believe it was the best decision but at the time, I was so torn and scared and had no idea what I wanted to do and he pushed it.
Nowadays, he has absolutely no tolerance on the subject at all. He digs his heels in and says that anyone who would make that decision is a murderer - no matter what their circumstance is. I know that people grow up and change their views but he's just so extremely against things that he's benefitted from in the past. Another example is how adamantly he believes that state assistance programs need to be completely abolished... Even though those are the programs that fed, clothed, and housed him his entire life. It just rubs me the wrong way.
Anyway, he was berating people on this particular thread about what an abhorrent choice it was to terminate a pregnancy. Even belittling people on his thread who were sharing their own personal stories.
I ended up commenting something along the lines of "your comments here are really shocking considering the fact that you sang a very different tune when you got me pregnant as a teenager...."
He ended up deleting the whole thread and messaged me about how that was completely different and very personal and that I shouldn't be spewing his private history all over the place.
I apologized because it did feel wrong but now I'm wondering if I'm actually the asshole given how he was acting toward people who have made the same decision as himself.. ###### | NTA
“That was completely different” is the same excuse those whack jobs who are currently infringing on women’s rights use when their dirty laundry gets aired out about their mistresses aborting.
Your ex needed a reality check and you gave it to him. ###### |
My (22 F) family is very religious, I am not but I respect it . I am the only child that still lives at home. We are not a close family but we do have weekly dinner’s where my other two siblings come to (25 M) (30F). My mother (65 F) uses this weekly dinner to insult me during her “prayers” before dinner. Think “Dear God please help us for SOME members of our family are cold and heartless” and “Dear God please help SOME of us for being evil”. I usually interject and say that a prayer is not the time to insult me. Then she says that’s what prayers are for and it’s rude to interrupt a prayer. AITA? ###### | NTA
Have some fun with it.
When she insults you shout out *"amen Lord!"* Insert an occasional, *"mmm hallelujah"* in there as well. If she gets really ornery, you can try speaking in tongues. ###### |
My fiancé has been jobless for almost an entire year now. I am currently working two jobs (roughly 65 hours a week) and am frequently exhausted when I get home. With our current situation, I have asked that she do most of the cleaning because I usually don’t have the time to do it properly and I don’t want to live in a pig sty.
I don’t ask her to do everything and I don’t ask her to clean up after me. I do my own dishes and what is in the sink while I’m doing my own, I take out the trash on my way out, and I do a load (or more) of laundry every day. I leave at 6am most mornings and don’t get home until around 7-8 every night.
With this being said, I’ve talk to her and ask her to do a few things here and there to get things together. She always argues with me that she shouldn’t be doing all the cleaning and normally I would agree. HOWEVER, she sits at home all day and does nothing but watch tv or play games while I am working my ass off to support the both of us until she can find a job! When she gets one I can loosen my hours so I’m not working so much and it will go back to equal amounts of chores. AITA??
Also for clarification, this isn’t some sexist bs, we are both female.
Tl;Dr my unemployed (not COVID-19 related) fiancée complains about having to do most of the cleaning while I’m working two jobs to support the both of us. ###### | NTA
Yeah seems like she’s a lazy gold digger looking for a free ride. My guess is that she’s more than found out how much of a doormat you’re willing to be. Not to be a dick but, dude, come on. ###### |
Just as the title says.
I have a family full of health-nut anti-vaxxers. My cousin in Australia just had a baby and is very vocal about the fact that she is not vaccinating. I am not immuno-compromised but I have many friends who are, and I feel like it's the right thing to do so as to not spread anything to people that I care about. I have my vaccinations, I am at very low risk, and I guess I'm feeling guilty because I am technically safe to meet her baby. I felt very confident in my decision at first but now the backlash from my family has me second guessing myself. ###### | NTA
"Let's bring our unvaccinated newborn baby to meet new people during a global pandemic" ###### |
My Nephew (14) has been going through a rough patch. He’s continually acting out and getting in trouble. Both he and his mother decided they needed a break, and he’s staying with his father for the next month to go camping.
He keeps calling home to complain to his mom about his Father and stepmom over trivial matters (usually food). He’s also doing nothing but watching videos on his phone and used up all the data we had. It was the end of the month so it wasn’t a big deal, but I warned him not to use all of our shared data on our family plan (5 people share it) or I would have to suspend his phone until he gets back.
Well sure enough he used our entire data plan (6gb) in one night watching videos. So this morning I suspended his phone.
AITA for suspending the phone?(he can still use WiFi, and call his mom with his fathers phone. )
I know he’s homesick, and emotional. And that having his own phone allows him to feel a measure of control and relief. I could switch our old plan to unlimited for another $120 more a month, but I’m cheap and that seems ridiculous. ###### | NTA
*But*, the reasons you explained at the end for why he likes having his phone (emotional, homesick, measure of control) make me sympathise a tiny bit with the kid. Just a tiny bit. Is there a way to just turn data off on his phone? ###### |
For most of my life my sister Alice has been wanting kids but has been unable to carry a baby to full term, in part due to endometriosis. She was in a lot of pain and had to have a hysterectomy.
Alice and her husband Ben has fostered 5 children and have adopted 2 children with autism, and are great parents. They have a good home environment and are financially very well off. But recently Ben and after a while Alice was bitten by the urge to have a kid biologically related to them because they wanted a chance to "do things right" and "provide the best start in life" (their views, not mine).
So they asked me to be their (traditional) surrogate and said that they would cover all costs (legal, medical etc) associated with it. They would be also be paying off my student dent, renting a 2 bedroom apartment for 3 years plus giving me a substantial amount of cash. I said sure - it'll be 9 months of my life in exchange for being set up for quite some time, and my immediate family thinks it is a great idea.
However, when I said "sure", I was expecting something along the lines of IUI, where we go to the doctor to get Bob's sperm prepped, me getting shots etc. basically the whole artificial insemination package.
But Alice & Bob have asked me to well, get pregnant the traditional way. Their rationale is that 1. it is the cheapest way 2. they don't want to go to the hospital now and 3. they think babies conceived naturally are healthier/the pregnancy would be safer without the chemicals, but I just can't get over the extreme ick factor. And even IF this was going to take place at home I think a syringe would work fine.
WIBTA if I went back on my word? Is their request reasonable? My immediate family doesn't see anything wrong with it and has been congratulating my sister on her impending baby. On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now? ###### | NTA
[Edited for visibility] IF YOU DON’T HAVE BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN YOU COULDN’T BE THEIR MEDICAL SURROGATE AND THATS WHY THEY’RE PUSHING FOR THIS.
It doesn’t sound like you have any biological children. The reason they want you do it this way is because you wouldn’t qualify as a surrogate without having carried at least one healthy pregnancy to term.
It has zero to to with chemicals/cost or any other bullshit. It’s because they couldn’t find a doctor who would be willing to knock you up under these circumstances.
Do not do this. There are a host of legal issues if you DIY this. That baby IS YOUR BABY at birth if you don’t go through an agency. You’re being conned. Your out is just telling everyone that you’re totally willing to do this but you’re not willing to have sex with your BIL/be turkey bast’ed. ###### |
So I’m a 20 year old girl. My best friends brother (16y/o turning 17) has always had a little crush on me growing up. Obviously I care about him and have seen him turn into the person he is and going to be. Three weeks ago we were all hanging out and he pulled a stunt where he bet me something and if I lost I kiss him on the cheek...
when this happened he turned his head making me kiss him on the lips. We all laughed and geeked but since then he will message me some nights begging me to come over with him and that his sister doesn’t have to know. I would tell his sister when he would message me but I wouldn’t tell her the extent to which he would ask. I have religiously told him “no” “that would be bad for you mentally” “you need to have your own experiences with people your age” and he continues on with “I’m past the age of consent” “nobody has to know” he would even try to pull me in and kiss me sometimes, where i would push away and insist no. But i didn’t wanna tear him down either or be real bitchy...
Last night we were all drinking, I went outside and he followed, started with his asking and pulling me in. I continued to chant “no” “this isn’t good” “you need to go to bed” but he kept persisting, so I snapped for a second and kissed him for a couple seconds, thinking “fine! This is all you get”.. but his sister/my best friend came busting out shortly later ordering it to stop. We haven’t talked about it yet and idk what to say, I feel awful that I let it go that far but I was really trying to make him understand why it’s a bad idea without dragging him down. And i guess i just snapped for a second and gave in to get him off my back. Looking back i see I should have been more stern with him. I’m worried my friend thinks more happened than what did and she claims she didn’t hear anything that was said, just saw through a window. Like ive had a pit in my stomach since and I keep wondering if something is wrong with me. ###### | NTA
- he was basically harassing you, which is unacceptable
- you should've held out, but it's not really your fault that you didn't
- the sister is understandably upset about this whole situation
You should show your friends this post to explain what happened, if anyone asks. ###### |
So recently, our street has started sharing what more or less amounts to hobby gift baskets with eachother. It started as a "everyone's stircrazy, surprise, there's cookies on your doorstep." one-off, but because of reciprocation and a little bit of oneupsmanship, its become a weekly thing to get a basket from someone on the street, either fresh vegetables or jam or cookies(or in my case, wine. this is important for later). Out of roughly 20 homes, 9 or 10 of us take part in this gift swap.
This week, some homemade cherry wine(with cherries from the backyard) was what I dropped off everywhere. So about a case of free wine. The following day, I got a nastygram from one of the neighbors, explaining that "while the gift was appreciated, it was disappointing to not include something for her children."
Everyone got the same exact thing, a bottle of wine. This was clearly for the household, not for any one member of the house. Just "hey, thinking of the neighbors. have some wine." Talking to my next door neighbor, she says she can see where nastygram neighbor was coming from, I could have easily added some fresh cherries for the kids, but the email wasn't necessary.
I'm in the I'm not the asshole camp, obviously. Free wine is free wine. I don't have to go out of my way to tailor gifts to everyone. ###### | NTA /r/ChoosingBeggars
Who's the neighbour pulling that shit?
Don't gift them any more stuff.
Damn! ###### |
So I am due to have a baby in the next couple of weeks and my husband and I have opted to go the gender neutral route so that if in the instance we have a girl, we are not subjected to what I call the "pink vomit". The pink vomit is where people give you everything all shades of pink for the child, no other colours or choices. Some of our family and friends have attempted to outsmart us by saying that they will just wait until the baby gets her before purchasing gifts. I saw through that from a mile away.
I'm contemplating posting on Facebook that anyone who opted to give gifts after the birth, please refrain from giving anything in pink vomit form. I am aware that this may mean people may not give gifts period, and honestly that's fine with me. I'm just afraid that it might sound a bit bitchy and choosing beggarish. I just really don't want all pink. Just some variety. ###### | NTA (yet), but you could probably word your future Facebook post in a less aggressive way. It's understandable that you don't want everything to be pastel pink or baby blue, but instead of posting "NO BLUE, NO PINK" perhaps you could choose something like "gender-neutral colors preferred - gray or yellow would be wonderful!" That way it's implied that you don't want gendered clothing, but you don't come off as much of a choosing beggar. ###### |
- This is a throwaway. I am typing this on my tablet.
Me and my husband have two children, twins boy ( "Liam") and girl (" Molly") who are 10.
Our rules for giving them pocket money are:
- £10 is the start off.
- Any bad behaviour that is continued after a warning will mean £1 is deducted.
- For the 5 weekdays they will each have the oportunity to do 2 houshold tasks a day, each task rewards them with an extra £1 towards their pocket money. If they do 2 chores a day for every weekday, their total is £15.
- If for each weekday their room is tidy (no mess on floors, clothes and toys put away) then they get and extra £3 towards their weekly total. We let them know in advance if we feel their room is unclean so they have a chance to earn the money.
- If their bed is made each week day then they get an extra £2 for the total.
So if they do all of this their weekly total is £20. On the weekend any chore they do earns them a bonus £1 which is given to them right away.
We always set aside easy chores, and always give them a chance to say yes or no. We do not save better chores for either of them.
Liam's pocket money at most has been £14, the least he has ever been given is £6. We offer both of them a chance to earn back money they lost. Molly almost always gets £20 and will do a few bonus chores as well. Molly sometimes saves her money, the most she has saved it for is 5 weeks, Liam has had many arguments with me and his dad saying that we are picking favorites and giving her more money. She has more stuff than him but that is because she earned the money and saves it.
My MIL and FIL do not agree with mine and their sons ways. But we both believe we are doing nothing wrong, since there is no reason my son would not be able to do chores, and we always offer chores to him. AITA? ###### | NTA (which makes Liam technically TA; sorry Liam). This looks pretty equitable to me. He's still getting some pocket money, so it's not unnecessarily punitive, and it's a pretty valuable life lesson. I guess you could encourage him a little more, though. Molly might be naturally disciplined and industrious, and Liam might need a nudge. ###### |
So I (F20) currently share an apartment with my brother (M21). My boyfriend (M26) has been staying with me during the pandemic. I've had an apartment with my brother for two years and I'll be moving out in a few days. Over the course of the two years we've lived together, my parents have come up many times and have stayed the night. This wouldn't really bother me if they ever bothered to talk to me about it first. They always discuss coming over with my brother and I'll get told a few days before they arrive if I'm lucky (there have been multiple times I've figured out because my dad has called me telling me to get ready to pack their stuff up to my third floor apartment). At one point I had to start threatening to lock them out for hours until my brother came home to even get told a few days in advance again.
Now my boyfriend tries to get along with my family. Early on my parents decided they didn't like him based on my brother deciding he's "off-putting" before having a conversation with him. My brother had decided that because my boyfriend is the awkward quiet type and he's not usually very confident.
So everytime my parents come over, they expect my boyfriend to go somewhere else (which has caused a lot of unnecessary spending on hotels). Today, my brother and my parents decided they'd be coming up tomorrow and spending a few nights at my apartment and my brother told me that my boyfriend needs to find somewhere to stay while they're up here.
It should be noted that my boyfriend has never spent the night around my family and he wasn't very against staying time at hotels so he didn't have to listen to my dad tell us that he essentially can control what goes on in my apartment as my guarantor (I checked the lease and the law and he has 0 rights). But we don't want to spend more money than we have to since we're trying to start a life together.
So, Reddit, WIBTA if I ignored my family and decided to keep my boyfriend with me at my apartment? ###### | NTA (but you’re parents and brother are). It’s your apartment, your parents can’t force your boyfriend out. Also your brother should be respectful of you guys, especially since you’re cohabitating ###### |
I live in an apartment complex right next to a creek trail. I walk my dog on it almost every day. It’s really nice, except for the fact that my upstairs neighbor never picks up after her dog. I’ve seen her out the window neglecting to pick it up when her dog poops. It infuriated me because it makes the trail smelly and unpleasant. I know her dog’s size and shape of poop and I have stepped in it multiple times. Now, I might have cut her some slack if she was a nice person, but she is not. She glares at me when I walk by, and is overall very short-tempered. When I asked her about the shit once, she told me to fuck off. Not to mention the fact that she makes an ungodly amount of noise at 12am which often keeps me up. Basically, I had had enough. The next day, before her usual walk time, I made a bunch of little flags using sticks and paper, and put her dog’s name on them. Then, I walked down the trail and put a flag on each of the deposits. I watched from my window as she passed each shit, looking confused and angry. Later, I got a knock on my door, and opened it to find Pam, irate and saying that I had been immature and petty, which I admit I may have been. However, it was very satisfying to see her get what was coming to her. I know it wasn’t very nice, but do the ends justify the means? ###### | NTA (a pic would have been hilarious - poop flags might become a thing and take a place in reddit history...next to the poop knife...) ###### |
Me and my roommates just moved into a new place. We are musical people and people give away old pianos for free all the time on FB marketplace and apps like Letgo. We found one we liked and enlisted the help of a friend with a truck to go pick it up. I asked the person on the app if 1pm was okay to pick it up and she said yes and said her house was located across from a post office in a specific town and that she'd give me the address when I was getting close. No biggie, logical enough.
As we got closer I messaged several times to try and get the address. No response. We get to the post office and wait a while for a response but dont get one. We knock on some doors of the houses across the street and ask if they knew the person on the app but no one did. We waited almost an hour. The app gives a general location of the seller, which was about a mile from where the post office was, so we drive that direction and miraculously we see the piano from the street in the garage if a house. We pull into the driveway and I go knock on the door, but the house seems abandoned.
The neighbors approach and we say are there to pick up the piano and they say to go ahead and watch as we put it in the truck. We go home, with the piano, get it in the house and settle in. The seller messages me on Letgo at 6pm absolutely furious that we took it. 5 hours after the agreed upon time, for a free item you could see from the road. She was not happy we found the address without her giving it to us proclaiming we could have taken anything even after I explained that her neighbors were there and we wouldnt have taken it if no one was there. ###### | NTA ...seller sounds like another arrogant time waster. I'd have done the same. ###### |
My son(16M) was supposed to go to a vacation with his friends for a week. Me and my husband both agreed on it..but, yesterday I went down to our basement, I don’t really go down there, maybe once a year to get Christmas decorations and things like that. This time I decided to clean it because everything was incredibly dusty and unorganized.
I started cleaning and went through some drawers to throw out the unnecessary stuff. I opened one drawer and it was full of those vape things. There were 3 full drawers of it, probably more than 500 of those things. I was extremely angry and still am. I talked to my son,told him he was grounded and couldn’t go with his friends anymore. He’s currently ignoring me and not talking to me at all. My husband thinks that we should let him go and ground him later. ###### | NTA ...and having that many vapes means that he's most likely selling them to other teens that don't have the ability to get one themselves. - That's illegal and he could get into a lot more trouble other than being grounded for a week and losing vacation time with a friend. ###### |
For some background: I get free lunch at school and because of the situation i got sent a card in my name to purchase food. My sister is 21 and works.
Today i got a card in my name (addressed specifically to me not to my parents/ guardian). My mom was talking to my grandma and brought it up and told me to bring it. I got the card and my mom says “im gonna give it to her sister”. I didn’t say anything and waited until she was done.
I asked her why she was going to give it to my sister and she said so my sister can eat. I told her that because it was my card she wasn’t giving it to anyone. She proceeded to call me egotistical and take the card from me.
So AITA for not wanting my card given to my sister? ###### | NTA .. it's your card & your sister is working and 21. She's capable of feeding herself ###### |
My mother brought in a pet and over next 5 months we had it it was going good and I started to develop a small bond ( yeah it sounds cheesy) with the pet. All of a sudden he’s gone and she got rid of him and didn’t tell anyone. I just live in the house but I do everything for the cat, and she was mad at him I guess because he did things like climb tables and scratch things.
Am I in the wrong for feeling mad that she just got rid of him with no warning, no heads up and I don’t even know where? She is trying to reimburse me with the money I spent on food but I don’t even want that. ###### | NTA . Your mom is the asshole . that’s just wrong .
And she won’t tell you where she took him . Major jerk move ###### |
So it was my birthday on Friday and my mom gave me £50 because she didn’t know what to get me. So I spent it on clippers, toothbrush, new joggers, vitamin tablets and pumice stones to help get rid of dead skin due to me recently taking up jogging.
So when all my stuff arrived my mom went ape shit. She said “why don’t you buy some clothes instead of wearing the usual stuff you wear. You always look like a tramp.” (Consider were on lockdown and I’m lounging about the house in river island/top man clothes.) she said the clothes that I wear are crap (material often 100% cotton) and trampy. She heavily suggested I go on stores like Nike, Adidas etc where two shirts cost almost £50+ overall.
So I said “no, you gave me money to buy what I wanted for my birthday and I’ve done exactly that. I don’t care about your opinion on my clothes because you never fucking like what I buy anyways so either way I’m fucked.” Then she got even more upset at me. Like, I buy clothes from places where you can often get a pack of 4 t-shirts for £20. She expect me to get TWO FOR £50!!
Am I the asshole for not spending my birthday money as my mom intended? ###### | NTA . What is wrong with your mom? If she wants you to wear other clothes she can buy them. ###### |
My sister has always wanted to be a mother but when she was 16 she got told she wouldn’t have children biologically, I don’t know what’s medically wrong with her.
I always assumed she would adopt a little baby and she said the same.
She met her husband 6 years ago and they quickly decided to adopt.
I have a newborn, a 3y/o and a 12y/o.
Every year for the six weeks holiday some of my siblings and cousins send their kids to spend time on my farm, I own a big house with lots of animals and it’s nice for them to get some fresh air, most of these children are very young (think age 3-11) I also live closer to our mother which means the kids can see her.
My sister asked if her daughter could stay, since it isn’t happening till next year, I said sure and that’s that.
My sister introduced her daughter on a Skype call the other day and she isn’t what I expected, she’s 13
Apparently she suffers from autism, my sister said they don’t use “high functioning or low functioning” as told not to by her therapist.
I changed my mind because I don’t feel as though I’m prepared to look after her.
Now my sister is refusing to talk to me claiming I’m leaving her daughter out on purpose, they have a year and I’m just jumping the gun, I’m wondering AITA? I don’t think it’s a big deal, I mean they can still come visit me and I’ll visit them? I’d have my hands full and wouldn’t have time. ###### | NTA . It's a safety concern and you're worried you don't have the capacity to care for a special needs teen and a ton of other kids. Frankly, regardless of what her therapist says about labeling as "high functioning or low functioning" - that doesn't' change the fact that there's a huge difference in a child who may be non verbal, violent, or may be easily overwhelmed with stimulation and may act out versus a child who has developed coping mechanisms and can express - with time or alternate methods - what they think and feel.
People are going to be quick to demonize you for being "ableist" because they're not thinking but feeling the situation here... Frankly - it boils down to liability and safety concerns. Like it or not people with autism do have special considerations. Add that to a large environment that may have heavy equipment, bodies of water, and animals who don't appreciate certain behaviors - it's a real risk.
Not to mention there will be other children there and it is going to be a mad house on top of that.
I'm not sure of exactly how that discussion went on with your sister, but honestly it wouldn't hurt to see what her daughter's circumstances and needs are - and invite your sister to come along with her daughter to help accommodate care.
It could even be the change in routine will upset her too and having something / someone familiar will help her.
Your sister has likely faced other situations or circumstances that've made her feel excluded or given her weird looks. People are rather tough on people with autism and their care takers. It could even be your sister is having second thoughts about the situation and this is manifesting as an "us versus them" mentality. I'm not sure what her support situation is like, but she's likely finding out the maternal experience she anticipated isn't the reality --- this situation is just reminding her of that too.
Work with her and try to pick her brain. Be really clear this isn't because you're not welcoming your adoptive niece, you're just worried about potential dangers. I'd list out some specific things you're worried about such as her getting bitten / etc. If she understands where you're coming from - she may be more willing to help make accommodations with you. ###### |
I really like to crochet and knit, and it's best to have specific yarn scissors. Mine are really good and I love them, it's so satisfying to snip the yarn. Because they are made specifically for yarn, if you use them on other materials, like paper, cardboard, etc, it will damage and blunt them.
Me and my two brothers (who actively ensure they know nothing of fibercrafts) were sat watching a film together. I like to crochet while watching TV as it keeps my hands occupied, while my brother prefers to fiddle with whatever's around. My bag crochet equipment was on the sofa next to us, and he took my scissors out to fiddle with. I told him not to because they are very sharp and he could hurt someone or damage them. He gave them back and I put them in the bag.
Later on, I needed the loo so left the room. When I came back, he had taken the scissors out of the bag, and was cutting up a piece of cardboard (a tetley's tea box, if anyone's interested). I was really annoyed and told him to stop and give me my scissors. Even after me explaining that yarn scissors are not for cardboard or paper, he is adamant that he didn't do anything wrong. I think he's in the wrong because they're my scissors, I specifically asked him not to use them, the cardboard did not need cutting up, and him doing so damaged my property! Both my brothers think I'm overreacting and that he didn't do anything wrong. He is now winding me up by saying that he will use my scissors to cut some cardboard again. I just want him to apologise and not do it again! ###### | NTA !!I have fabric scissors at home and at work! People don’t realise these scissors are more sharp than ordinary ones and if you use them on things like paper or card you’re dulling them down to the point they won’t cut fabric properly! And while cutting fabric for pattern pieces blunt scissors can catch, pull and ruin said fabric if they aren’t sharp enough!
Plus they are usually more expensive than ordinary ones too.
However if it was just one off I’m sure they will be fine but I wouldn’t leave them unattended in the future if your stuff is out. ###### |
A bit of back story: About a month ago me and my friends were out and while my friend was driving he spun out his car and we got pulled over. I didn't know at the time but the fucker at a wax pen on him, we all got sent to a holding cell for our parents. They let me and my buddy off light cause we had no idea and we were just passengers to the whole thing. But my buddy got his license revoked and is practically grounded till senior year (we are sophomores). Word got around about the wax pen and EVERYONE at my school knew about it. As for my sister, she is a year older than me and our parent's go on trips for their anniversary and she and a couple of her friends did a couple lines of cocaine. I didn't find out till I overheard them in the kitchen and she made me promise not to tell.
My sister has teased me constantly over this wax pen, I don't even like smoking weed and I didn't even know he had it. I get called a "stoner" and all sorts of things, and whenever m in my room she bangs on the door saying that I'm smoking in there, its annoying as hell.
At dinner we got into a little argument over something I don't even remember but she said something like "I bet you want to go smoke a big fat fucking joint huh? You drug addicted loser". I had enough of her calling me a stoner or whatever when SHE was the one who actually has done drugs. (this is where I might be TA) I said "Oh yeah? At least I didn't do this" and then did the hand motions for snorting coke. Mom and dad were in the living room so they didn't see it. She called me and AH and went to her room without even finishing dinner.
Apparently our brother who's 2 years younger than me knew what I was doing and told on her. She got grounded and my sister is PISSED at me, I don't feel like I did anything wrong cause I wasn't the one who snitched and she was constantly provoking me. AITA? ###### | NTA , your sister is being hypocritical. She’s teasing you for “doing drugs” when the pen wasn’t in your possession (and it seems like you didn’t use it either) while she’s out here ACTUALLY doing drugs. ###### |
I (16f) have to take meds twice a day. I have “trained” my cat to remind me to take them by giving her a treat at the time I take my meds, and now she’ll start begging me for a treat at the time I take my meds, and it reminds me. My cat is not quiet when she reminds me. She’s rather loud, but not as loud as my sister’s dog, who barks into all hours of the night.
My sister (18f) keeps complaining that my cat keeps waking her up in the mornings with how loud she is. She keeps telling me to “shut the dumb cat up” and tells me that she’ll lock the cat outside next time she wakes her up. I told her she wasn’t going to do that, because the cat’s mine, first off, and second off, nobody complained about her dog. She got offended and tried starting a fight, while I just went straight to my parents.
I told them that my sister was trying to put the cat out, and complaining about the noise of my cat while her dog is loud as hell and nobody says anything. My parents (dad specifically) got mad and had a talk with my sister, which was more of an argument. They told her that no, she would not be putting my cat out, and that if she did, she could go ahead and find another place to live.
My sister came to me and got mad at me for going to our parents, and called me a snitch. She also told me that I should just take my meds at a different time so the cat will shut up, and I told her that I couldn’t.I told her I wasn’t going to shut my cat up for her convenience. She called me an inconsiderate brat and stopped talking to me. She keeps trying to lock my cat in a closet, though.
AITA for telling my sister I won’t shut up my cat? ###### | NTA , thats a super smart thing to teach your cat lol, im gonna try that ###### |
My friend is a vegan and has been for a while. Recently though she got a cat and is forcing her vegan diet on her cat. I tried telling her cats are carnivores and need meat in their diet. She said oh she will be fine being a vegan is. Better for your health anyways. I kept telling her that cats are not omnivores but she kept saying it was fine. Finally I snapped after seeing her cat getting weaker and weaker and said you're abusing your cat and I will take her from you if you dont start taking care of her properly.
AITA for saying I'd take her cat away ###### | NTA -the cat will definitely die with that diet. You can already see the cat getting weaker. Update us to let us know what happens and if you get the cat ###### |
Title makes it sound a little worse than it is, also I’m on mobile so forgive any errors.
So basically the story is that I found a cute floor-length skirt at goodwill on one of their half off days, it’s was way too big for me and a little damaged but I know how to sew so I bought it anyways as I loved the colors.
So after adding some pleats and removing some elastic that had gone bad from the waistband I wore it out with some friends. One of these friends (I’ll call her G for this story) complemented the skirt and asked where I got it and I explained and showed her the work I’d done to fix it up as I was proud of how it looked.
She got mad at me for this though and went on a whole rant about how I’m an awful person for stealing resources from goodwill that plus-sized people needed. And how “skinnies” like me were the reason plus sized people were stuck wearing “unattractive” clothes and that I shouldn’t take affordable plus sided clothing away from people who actually need it.
I hadn’t though if that when buying the skirt and now I feel extremely guilty about it and can’t bring myself to wear it out again. AITA for buying an oversized skirt I don’t need and resizing it? ###### | NTA -Good for you for upcycling something and ensuring it has a life not in the landfill. Your friend needs some counseling as she clearly has some issues to work through ###### |
I'm about to be 18, and I recently got busted and scolded by my mom for smoking and holding onto weed. I've moderately smoked joints maybe every few weeks since last May, I didn't let it affect my summer work and school performance. This was the first time I got busted, so I told her it was the first time I tried it to soften the situation, and it sorta worked.
My brother's been smoking weed with his cousins and friends since he was like 13, and now he's 29 with a girlfriend and three kids and still smokes just about every day. He can't even hold one damn job and makes his income off selling fresh-caught fish, EBT, and fighting chickens, no shit. Every time I see that guy he's got his bong on him or a ounce bag of buds. My mom's known about him smoking since he was 16, but now she doesn't really care.
Anyway, my mom told him about this, and when I saw him a few days later he was kind of miffed and started telling me no more smoking and asking me who I'm hanging with and all that. I told him that he was being a hypocrite here and that at least I can keep my use moderate, something he's never gotten down.
Then he just told me to get out of there, and so I just left, fuck it. AITA? ###### | NTA -but that said, your mom is the larger hypocrite here. Your brother seems concerned about change in your habits (though still a bit of hypocrite), he didn’t sound judgemental, just concerned ###### |
I have been working from home but my husband still has to go into work. I am a "sleep till the last possible minute" person. If I know it takes me half an hour to get out the door or five minutes to put on clothes and make a cup of coffee before logging in, I will sleep up till that point and give myself just enough time to do what I need to do in the morning.
My husband on the other hand prefers to set his alarm a couple hours before he needs to be at work (takes him less than 10 minutes to get there). Hits snooze a couple times. Then usually will go in for a shower, and this is really what I dont get. We have a jacuzzi/shower combo. He sits down in the shower, relaxes, and falls back asleep for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half with the water running.
Sometimes he makes it to work on time, sometimes he doesnt. When I was still going into the office our getting ready time overlapped so I would usually have to wake him up so I could get in and shower myself. Now that I am working from home I just dont bother showering until around lunchtime.
Today he needed to be in at 10. I woke up around 930 to log in and heard him snoring in the bathroom on my way to the computer. I went about my work, had a couple meetings, and around 1045 went back to the bedroom to get something, where I found him getting dressed. I said "you're late" in a playful way and he snarked back at me that I could have woken him up. We had a bit of an exchange, with me ultimately saying he was an adult and could get himself to work, him saying he'd remember that if it were me in the future.
This is not new behavior. This is his normal morning routine. He knows if he sits down and puts his phone down he is going to fall asleep. I've previously suggested sleeping in bed later but he wants to do what he wants to do. He has his phone in there with him so he can set a second alarm to get him out of the shower in time. I dont see why he should be pissy at me for not babying him. ###### | NTA -
That is an adult responsible for his own actions. There are so many easy solutions, like go to bed earlier, get a different alarm, shower in a less cozy (ie colder) way, a puzzle alarm, etc.
It’s not your responsibility ###### |
I (20F) used to dress very conservatively, I had body issues (I was 11stone at 5’6/ or almost 70kg at 1.676metres) so not really overweight but I carried it all on my stomach, I was really self conscious.
I dropped to 9stone this year and while I still have my days of being unhappy and still think of losing weight, I love my body most of the time.
I’ve started wearing dresses too, I absolutely love crop tops but never had the confidence for that.
I always ask my boyfriend for opinions on clothes, I’ve never been the best at fashion and he’s better at picking outfits than I am.
When I showed him a certain crop top he said “You’ve gone from showing nothing to everything, do what you like but be ready to get comments”
I put it off, but while shopping in town today I decided fuck it and got it, I love it and I feel so confident in it.
Now he’s upset because I asked his opinion on it and went ahead and got it knowing he isn’t comfortable with it.
He says it’s about mutual respect and that I’ve made him pass up on clothes before (cyclist shorts that were very short)
AITA? ###### | NTA -
At the end of the day it's your choice what to wear. You can ask for his opinion and consider it, but ultimately it's your call. Make some time to sit down and discuss the issue with him. Communication is always the best solution to these kinds of problems.
Good luck!
EDIT:
After reading some of the comments from u/ThrowRa19282821 I have come to the conclusion that:
ESH - you BOTH should be able to wear what makes your comfortable within reason. Don't be a hypocrite OP. ###### |
My daughter and I are on the same medication, same dosage. We take it at the same time every day (early afternoon) because of side effects. She is too young to carry it with her or remember to take it herself, so I carry it.
I don't particularly enjoy carrying a purse, so on days when I know we will be out when it's time to take meds, I will just bring one of the bottles (because I can fit one in my pocket comfortably), either mine or hers. I then add an extra pill from the other bottle when I get home to keep them even.
However, when I went to drop off my daughter at her dad's house, I accidentally brought the pill bottle with my name on it instead of hers. I told him that he could just use mine, no big deal, and that we both take pills from either bottle because again, it's the exact same medication and the exact same dosage. I would understand if he wasn't comfortable using my pill bottle because it isn't technically her prescription, but he lost it at me and accused me of stealing her meds and shuffling pills around to hide it. He thinks there is more of a risk for me to give her the wrong dose because I'm not keeping the pills separate. I think he's being ridiculous. One pill is one pill coming from either prescription bottle. I'm not going to somehow give her extra pills. Am I the asshole for having this system and for continuing with it because it makes my life easier? ###### | NTA -
>he lost it at me and accused me of stealing her meds and shuffling pills around to hide it.
That's a ridiculous accusation is obviously not the case. If you're both taking the same medication and the same dosage, there's no "shuffling" required and nothing you would gain from stealing your daughter's medication.
I'm not sure what your history with her dad is, but this sounds like something that he's latching on to as some kind of "gotcha" that doesn't make any sense. ###### |
So my high school announced today how we are doing graduation this year with the virus, and the solution sucks. The solution is that over the course of a week all the graduating students will walk across the gym, grab their diploma from a table, and take a photo in their cap & gown. Each student will be the only one in the gym at a time, along with 4 family members, the photographer, and the principal. Students are spaced out in 10 minute intervals.
Graduation was originally going to be on my birthday so I was thinking that I do a birthday/graduation celebration then with just my family. Some of my friends have told me I'm wasting an opportunity to experience something "once in a lifetime" while other friends are telling me that I'm in the right to skip it because it's a terrible solution.
So, would I be the asshole for skipping this or no? ###### | NTA -- you might regret it later though. It really sucks that you've lost all the traditional end of high school things, you're allowed to feel about it however you want. ###### |
His drinking seriously negatively affected our relationship in ways I can't explain without violating the rules here, but it got to a point where I no longer felt safe around him. I never want to see him again and I don't want to help "clear \[his\] conscience", which is what he wrote in the message asking if we could meet to talk. He says it *has* to be in person so he can look me in the eyes when he says it and it *has* to be alone as in a public place but without anyone with me, so because me bringing someone would be "embarrassing" for him. I said I'd prefer to have my boyfriend with me and he said I was "rubbing it in \[his\] face" that I've found someone new.
My boyfriend says I shouldn't go, he doesn't trust it, and I'm inclined to agree, but several friends I still have from the time we were together have already met him and say he's a new man, and don't understand why I don't want to meet him, saying I'm being selfish and holding a grudge and I should let him apologise after nearly 3 years of self reflection on his end so we can both get closure and move forward.
AITA? ###### | NTA -- Trust your gut and your boyfriend. You owe your ex nothing, and his peace of mind is not your burden to carry. He hurt you a lot in the past and you have every right to not want to see him again. I'd be careful,
>so because me bringing someone would be "embarrassing" for him. I said I'd prefer to have my boyfriend with me and he said I was "rubbing it in [his] face" that I've found someone new.
☝️ That's a big red flag to me. If he actually felt remorse he'd allow your boyfriend to come, as he would understand and should not expect you to be comfortable in his presence.
And if those friends open their mouths again to try and guilt trip you, tell them to stay out of your business.
Good luck! ###### |
The story so far- I (F20) am living with my dad for the summer in my hometown. I didn’t have to live with him- I could’ve stayed with a friend in my college town, but he asked me to move home, and I agreed because he’s a single dad and I wanted to help around the house as well as bond with my siblings. I don’t pay rent or utilities, but I am completely financially independent of him and pay for my car/insurance, phone, groceries, etc. I was in a rough spot financially due to COVID but recently received backpay for the 15 weeks I was unemployed and it amounted to about $9500. When my dad found out, he was happy for me. Then he told me he wanted to charge me $600 in rent for July and August. I think this is unfair because I think housing agreements should be made before someone moves in and it just feels like my dad is trying to take advantage of me. I tried to explain this to says that it’s the least I can do for him.
tl;dr AITA for not wanting to pay my dad rent? ###### | NTA -- Tell him that you didn't know he was going to charge you rent, and that you're going to go live with your friend. Then he can do all the housework and take care of your siblings. ###### |
My sister’s dog has had cancer for about 3 years. It gets new tumours surgically removed every three months or so. A couple of weeks ago he was bleeding internally due to a tumour in his spleen. He lost his spleen and now needs a blood transfusion.
He is getting old for his breed and they don’t take great care of him (he’s not allowed inside the house). My sister is married with a child. My sister asked if I would donate my dogs blood to her dog. I said no, because there is a risk of the donor dog dying. I adore my dog, he is always with me, and I have no partner to keep me company.
The risk to my dog is really minimal and now my sister isn’t talking to me because I politely said no. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA -- she can't get mad when she doesn't let her dog with cancer IN THE HOUSE!!!! WTF??! ###### |
Pretty simple story.
I’ve told my(16M) sister(14F) several times to stop touching my stuff, yet she still does it. I’ve told my parents, yet they do nothing
Today I finally got to play my switch after a couple weeks. I had to study for school and a couple tests
It turns out that my sister has been using my game for weeks. She’s spent over a hundred and fifty hours playing it.
I got really pissed. She was once again using my stuff. So, I just deleted it. When I told her, she got super mad. She said I was being unfair.
I just told her that I did nothing wrong. All I did was use my game on my console. Nothing wrong there, is there? Then, my sister proceeds to tell my parents. I somehow got in trouble.
I feel like my parents are definitely being somewhat sexist or ageist. I’ve complained to them many times, and they do absolutely nothing, but when I handle it myself, they get mad.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA - Your stuff, your decisions. ###### |
Right. So I have spina bifida and use a wheelchair. My sister recently broke her leg and she’s continuously complained about how much crutches hurt. My dad’s solution to this was to tell my sister she can use my wheelchair. I’m not comfortable with this. My dads reasoning is that I just got out of the hospital and am mostly on bed rest (not completely, I’m just supposed to take things easy for a bit) so I ‘don’t really need it anyways’ but I kinda do need it whenever I have to get out of bed. My sister is perfectly capable of using crutches and honestly I think it’s kinda shitty that my dad is letting her use my chair even when I’m not using it. My dad keeps just saying that I’m not using my chair much anyways and so it doesn’t do any harm, but my sister keeps taking my chair and leaving it by her bed so I can’t get it, then screaming at me whenever I ask for it when I need to get up. My dad has also brought up the fact that he paid for the chair and rescued me (I’m adopted) so he gets to choose what to do with it. Honestly idk if I’m in the wrong for not sharing, but at the same time I think it’s kinda bs to be expected to share a piece of necessary medical equipment ###### | NTA - your situation is permanent and you need the chair for mobility. Your sister's situation is temporary and given the state of the world, she's probably not really going a lot of places that aren't home.
It does not reflect well that your father is lording your adoption over you as though you owe something for being a part of the family. ###### |
My sister and I have been in a tense argument. She has constantly been asking my parents for money and support and my parents have been helping her. But my parents don't have much money and their retirement accounts are already down a lot of money.
​
My sister has constantly dated shitty guys. Guys that weren't employed, guys that sold weed, no guys that ever had a steady employment. Lots of guys with anger issues, it was her type she liked bad boys/thugs etc whatever word you want to use.
​
She has now 2 children from two different marriages. She gets a lot of support from government programs but she still falls short time to time. I have seen her constantly come to my parents for money. I talked to my parents and told them that they can't keep enabling her.
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My sister confronted me called me a POS that I have no idea how difficult life is for her, that she can barely make ends meet and that her job already cut her hours. I told her that lots of this situation is her fault. That she can be unlucky with one two, or even three guys she dated but all of the guys she dated have been scumbags and she needs to look to herself. She then tells me that I should be mad at the guys who abandoned their children not the hard working mom looking after them. I told her that its on her to be responsible for her own life and not have chosen these guys in the first place. ###### | NTA - Your sisters poor choices are the reason why she is in her current situation. Lack of contraception and poor choice in men has most likely led to her situation being where it's at now. You are not the asshole for telling her it's her responsibility. ###### |
I (24f) just left an abusive relationship in the end of February. I moved in with my family because I had nowhere else to go. I just found out that I'm pregnant and told my sister (20) and my mom. I haven't told the rest of my family yet because I want to get a doctor's appointment to confirm and to make sure everything is ok first, but today I decided to tell my brother (22). After I told him, he told me that my sister already told him. I super pissed at her because it wasn't her news to tell. I feel like she violated my trust in so many levels, not to mention stealing a special moment from me. She won't tell me who all she has told about my pregnancy and I'm really hurt. I have a very high risk of losing the baby and I feel like the more people know, the more it will hurt when I lose the baby.
Am I the asshole for being angry at my sister?
I apologise for the bag formatting. I'm on my phone and this is one of my first posts. ###### | NTA - your sister knows you have left an abusive situation and her blabbing could cause safety issues for you. ###### |
A year ago, my grandfather passed away. He was the family patriarch and it was hard on all of us, but especially myself and my sister who he pretty much raised after our father passed.
At the funeral, I was most focused on my mom, my sister and making sure everything went as planned. I guess my sister noticed what people wore. A lot of people showed up and a few did show up in jeans. Others wore sneakers. My grandfather would not have cared. He went to church every Sunday and dressed up for grandma, but then changed as soon as we left service. Is it appropriate funeral attire? No. But it wasn’t like they wore bright colors or disrupted the service in my opinion. To my sister, it did and she feels it was the epitome of disrespect to not wear slacks and dress shoes. Everyone who went probably had nice clothes in their closet, but maybe didn’t want to wear them. Maybe they thought they were paying homage to Grandpa. I don’t know. Some are family members, some family friends.
But a year later and my sister is still pissed. She won’t talk to these family members and when before lockdown, we had my daughter’s communion. She refused to talk to these people. Recently, she went on a rant about it again. I told her she needed to get over it. She told me I was as insensitive as them and hung up. I wore a dress and stockings!
Am I being an ass by thinking she needs to let it go and that it’s no big deal? ###### | NTA - Your sister is putting way too much stock in what people wear. ###### |
First time posting here so forgive any improper etiquette. About a week ago my sister and her 8 year old son came over for lunch. I have a very good relationship with her and my nephew, so they come over here quite often. Lately He's been getting into Star Wars, which I think is great because I'm a huge Star Wars fan. Throughout the past few weeks I've made sure to keep him interested, and usually have a Star Wars themed gift for him when they come over. For this particular visit, I had bought him a Star Wars Lego set. Not a particularly big one, but nonetheless with Lego's prices it was still $50. Anyway, my sister and I are talking at the table while he's building the Lego set in the living room. He runs back to the table incredibly excited and barely speaking coherently. By the time we stand up from the table he's already ran to my bedroom. (I usually keep the door closed but I guess I forgot) When we get there he's jumping up and down and pointing at my lightsaber that's hanging on the wall. Naturally he then proceeds to ask, "Can I see it?" Even I play with it sometimes so I can see how an eight year old couldn't resist. I tell him no and then go to steer him out of my bedroom when my sister asks "Why can't he play with it?" I try to explain to her that it's very expensive, at which point she asks how much. When I reluctantly tell her that it cost me $825 she looks appalled, but still insists that he would be careful and wouldn't break it. At this point she's rather upset and we get in an argument because "I don't want to share my toys". They both left shortly after that. We're not really fighting anymore, but she's still very much annoyed and thinks that I'm wrong to not let her son play with my lightsaber regardless of how much it costs. AITA?
[This is the lightsaber in question](https://vadersvault.com/the-revanchist/) ###### | NTA - your sister didn't have the right to force you to let your nephew play with it. Some things are off limits and mostly, kids are pretty good at understanding and appreciating that, so she should have backed you on it. Hopefully she realises and apologises!
Also: wicked cool light saber op ###### |
I have been living with my roomate for 6 months and shes asian, I'm not. I have one spoon that I got from a Asian market (it's the Japanese style deep spoon for soup). I freaken LOVE soup and use that spoon all the time, I've had it for a good year now and I have just the one. My roomate has been using my spoon nonstop for herself and NEVER cleans it. I dont mind sharing but shes starting to use it more often now since we have been stuck inside, I've been making a lot of miso soup and she keeps taking the spoon. I brought it up a couple days ago that its my spoon and I should be able to have first choice to use it when I make soups. She got kinda mad about it and told me that I shouldn't even be using that spoon because I'm not asian ??? Like I didn't know that I had to be asian to use a certain type of silverware. I told her that I would be happy to buy her one so she could stop using mine and this made her more upset for some reason. The conversation went along the lines of "it's my spoon, you never clean it , we have plenty of other spoons!" I let her use my spoon that night but after whe went to bed, I washed it and put the spoon in my room. The next day she was looking for it and asked me where it was and I told her I put it away so she cant use it anymore. She called me a asshole and hasn't talked to me since. So AITA?
TLDR: My roomate kept using my soup spoon and would hardly let me use it and never cleaned it so I hid it in my room, AITA? ###### | NTA - your roommate needs to respect your belongings and she isn’t. You get to decide where to keep your personal effects and you do not owe her any explanation. ###### |
I am 13 and live in a family of dedicated christians. I don't believe in any religion, but I still am forced to go to church, fast, pay tithing, and go to a christian school. My parents say that if I don't believe in christ , I can't live with them. I once asked to skip church, and my parents grounded me for a week. I've actually started to hate this religion, because my parents are forcing it onto me. Who is in the wrong here? ###### | NTA - Your parents suck. Threatening to kick you out is cruel. Grounding you for not going to church with them is pointless. Now, it’s one thing to support going to church as a family, that was always a rule growing up for me. But to actively punish is counterproductive.
If they move beyond what they’re currently doing, like, withholding food or actually kicking you out or beating you - you should contact CPS/the authorities/an adult you trust.
Source: Religious Lutheran ###### |
My mom asked me to post this to the 'asshole group' so here it is:
My youngest brother is wheelchair bound so my parents own a extended size accessible van. They had to pay a pretty good chunk of change for it and when it breaks down my brother is completely homebound until it's repaired.
The issue is that over time several people have asked to borrow the van. In the past people have asked to borrow it to drive groups of kids to summer camps or zoos, or other functions. Those times she said no.
Now, her best friend has asked her if she can borrow the van to go to a highschool graduation. Due to social distancing, the local highschool is doing a drive by graduation where they hand people their diploma through the window and announce their name on a loud speaker. Her friend's son is graduating so she wants to load a bunch of his friends into the van so that they can "be together for graduation". My mom said that she thinks it's a bad idea because that would violate social distancing rules, but she is feeling bad and having second thoughts. She wants to know if she is TA ###### | NTA - your mum is just obeying the law and she also is the owner of the van so can do whatever she wants with it.
Did the friend even offer to completely sanitise the van at her own cost after using it? ###### |
I'm 15 and thus still live with my parents.
I have various mental health problems (DID, psychotic hallucinations, depression, etc.) that my mom connects (for some reason) to my phone. Around 2 months ago, was grounded and not allowed to use my phone for a month. During this time, I was numb. I wasn't feeling any emotion- good or bad. My mom just focused on how I wasn't feeling bad and kept giving me these talks: "Oh, you're so much happier without your phone! Oh, you're not switching without your phone! Oh, you're not hallucinating without your phone!"
I was. I still am. In fact, being without my phone made my hallucinations worse. It made the inner world (where the parts are when they aren't fronting) worse. I just didn't tell her, because I was numb.
When I got my phone back, I was happier and I started opening up again. As soon as I started opening up about switching and hallucinating again, she pulled me aside and told me "When you didn't have your phone, you weren't showing these symptoms. I'm not saying you're faking, I'm just saying I can't ignore the signs."
So I closed off again.
Whenever I try to talk to her about anything, it turns into a lecture and I get a consequence. She was asking me if I wanted to watch Saving Private Ryan and I said I shouldn't due to the nightmare I had the night before. She took my phone away immediately.
So I closed off again.
AITA for not telling her anything anymore? ###### | NTA - Your mum clearly doesn't understand what triggers your mental health and finds it easier to blame on your phone which sucks. Is there anyone else you can talk to? ###### |
Last year me (34m) and my wife (31f) visited her family in South Africa, as we live in the UK but try and her family visit annually. This time I took hundreds of photos with my new camera as where her family lives is beautiful, but i only had one micro sd card with me as my old camera took the bigger sd cards. So after a few days i needed another micro sd card, her mother give me a handful of micro sd cards that have been rattling in her kitchen draw for ages.
This years trip to see her family is cancelled due to Covid Virus, i thought it would be nice to go through all the photos from last years visit and put her family ones on are digital photo frame. One sd cards her mother had give me was full (24GB) of nude/sexual photos of my wife's mother with a few different men.
I wasn't sure what to do, i didn't tell my wife as i didn't think she would want to know/see her mother is that way. I messaged her mother to ask her if i should wipe the SD card or send it back to her. Her mother wanted the SD card back so popped it in the mail back to her mother.
Yesterday my wife found out from her mother's friend (how or why i don't know)and went nuts with me. My wife says i should have told her or just deleted them and said nothing. My defense is what if the photos although they were sexual met a lot to her mother or what if her mother was worried the photos might fall into the wrong hands.
AITA for not deleting the mother inlaw's nudes and not telling my wife i sent them back to her mother ? ###### | NTA - Your mother-in-law is entitled to her privacy and her sexual life without her children's interference. ###### |
You've probably seen these books. But it's what it says: a book that is hollowed out to hold something, like an engagement ring, weed, money, etc.
When I was sixteen (I'm twenty-five now), my mom gave me this book called 'The Care and Keeping of Husbands', a self-help book. Yes, my mom is super conservative and into family values and thinks that a woman's place is in the kitchen, etc. And yes she thought this was a good idea for a sixteenth birthday present when my friends were getting cars or nice jewelry or designer bags.
Sometime later, I found tutorial on how to make a "secret compartment book" and decided to use that "Care and Keeping of Husbands" book as a guinea pig. It didn't work, so I hid the mangled book in my backpack so I could dispose it at school. Well, my mom found it while snooping through my backpack, freaked out, and proceeded to ground me for the next month.
We don't talk to each other anymore, but when we did she always brought up how I am an asshole for ruining her birthday present to me and how that book will help me make my future husband happy.
Which would be fine and dandy, but I literally had no other use for that book: I'm asexual and I have no interest getting a husband ever.
But it does boil down to this: AITA for "ruining" my mom's birthday present to me? ###### | NTA - Your mother is for trying to force her view of the world and gender norms onto you, not to mention the breach of privacy by going through your backpack. I applaud you for having found a creative use for such a useless present, even if it didn't work out. ###### |
We were on a zoom conference with the educational board because they’re trying to make major budget cuts to the music programs when cutting the music budget would only exacerbate the issue. We were both using our own computers.
A parent was being ignorant by saying that the zero period was unappreciated and should be removed because it hurts students. I am a cult follower of the zero period because it enables me to do all of the electives that I want to do without cutting a language. My mom knows this and wanted me to reply to the ignorant parents comment.
My mom started dictating the message to me and it physically made me cringe. It compared the music program to a “rich, flavorful, nutritious meal” and it compared other departments to “greasy fast food”. I didn’t want that message to come from my computer because I didn’t want that on the internet under my name for 200 of my piers to see.
I told her no.
She yelled for a bit about how I was infringing on her speech. I asked her why she couldn’t write the comment from her computer and she said she needed the comment to be from a student in order for it to be more powerful.
After maybe an hour of silence, she wanted to talk again. Her opinion was that I was infringing on her sovereignty by telling her no, and my opinion is that she infringed on my sovereignty by attempting to tell me what I should say.
AITA? ###### | NTA - Your mom needs to slow her role kno this instance. You are in no way infringing on her right to speak, and it is a manipulation tactic she's attempting to use on you. Furthermore, her way of approaching this is dishonest as she isn't writing it herself.
Stand your ground. I think it's admirable that your standing up to your mom. Use your voice and advocate for yourself. ###### |
I (19m) ordered a gift for my mom online a couple days ago. Knowing she loves this brand Rituals (a shower gel and beauty kind of thing), i got her a gift box with multiple items in it. Now the website i ordered this on had this gift box listed under "mother's day gift ideas". Without any second thoughts i ordered it thinking she would love it.
Now this gift box arrived the day before mother's day and when it got here i noticed that it looked quite masculine, it had shaving cream in it and the name of the scent was something with a samurai or something. I looked it up and it was actually for men. I felt stupid because it was too late to return it.
I decided to just give it to my mom and explain the situation, i told her she could smell the soaps (without actually taking any soap out of the container) to see if she liked the scents regardless and if not i could return it and she could pick another set. She then opened the soap container, at this point i couldn't return it, and then she posted a picture of it on Facebook making fun of me. She commented "the point of having three kids is that if one of them gets you a bad mother's day gift, the other two can still fix it". Obviously this made me feel upset because I didn't know when I ordered it and i was the only one of her kids to buy her a gift.
AITA? ###### | NTA - Your mom is, forgive me for saying, a cow. You explained the situation and if she had waited you would have got the correct gift. ###### |
My parents wanted me to become a doctor since I was a kid. Even though I had always made it very obvious that I'm not interested at all in studying medicine. I want to study business administration.
I finished high school this year, and have to choose between what career path to choose. My parents died in a car accident over a month ago, and now my family is pressuring me to fulfill their wish.
I've been told that I'm a narcissist, and that I'm self-centered, egoistic and insensitive for not considering their wishes for my future since their death.
AITA for still wanting to pursue the career path that I chose for myself? ###### | NTA - Your life is yours to follow. No one, absolutely no one, not even your parents, have the right to tell you what career you should follow. Hold firm OP, emotions are high right now but you can't cave.
People will just have to accept it, and if they don't - fuck em.
Sorry for your loss. ###### |
Bit of info - My children see my mother in law a handful of times a year. She lives in a village an hour or 2 bus ride away depending which on route you take. She doesnt come to ours even though she has a lodger who drives her other places and tbh shes a little flaky when we make plans so we just go to hers when we are able to.
I call and facetime her atleast once a week so the kids can keep a good relationship with her but as you can probably tell already it's very much one sided but I do it because my kids have a great relationship with my side and I want the same with them and her.
The issue - mother in law called yesterday and asked if we had plans to go round when lockdown is over as she has something for the kids. I told her as soon as we can we will be over when its allowed. She asked to speak to the kids and told them the surprise. She had gotten a dog!
2/3 were excited the middle one just burst into tears. The middle one is severely allergic to animals with fur. I'm talking 2/3 x meds a day, and has to carry an epi pen where ever she goes allergic.
Mother in law knows this and just shrugs and says oh well I guess the other 2 will just have to come and she stays at home.
I told my husband that I'm sorry but none of the children will be going as it's not fair on middle, they will be be bringing fur into the house when they return and that I think his mother did it on purpose as the other 2 always says about how they would love a dog but cant because of middle whenever she asks why we dont have a dog like other families.
Husband thinks ITA because I'm stopping her seeing all kids over one thing but to me it's a big thing as it's dangerous to middle and she knew that.
So WIBTA if I stopped visits? ###### | NTA - your husband is shrugging his shoulders that your mother in law bought something (a dog!!! No less) that could kill his middle child?
Yeah, no. No visits for MIL and I’m seriously side eyeing your husband like 😒😒😒 ###### |
I'm 17M, I am of African descent and I have thick, curly, kind of messy hair that I love very much (probably around 2.5 inches) unfortunately, my grandmother passed away on the 3rd of July, at age 91, just two weeks after her husband died at 95. On some rare occasions while she was alive, she'd tell me I need a haircut. (maybe like 1/5 of the times, I'd visit her. You'll see why this is something to consider in a bit).
Due to weird cultural tradition in this country, I am often ostracized for my thick hair (mostly only by family members above 45 who think men's hair should always be short) and last Sunday in the family meeting preparing the funeral, my grandma's daughters (my aunts) have been kind of pressuring me into cutting my hair shorter for the funeral, even going as far as insinuating that I should do it because Grandma recommended me to like 2 years ago. They already pressured my cousin (34M) into shaving his beard. They're kind of acting like one of my Grandmother's dying wishes was for me to cut my hair. I don't understand them at all. I guess nothing says respecting a fallen loved one like cutting my hair??
I am perfectly capable of making it look neater and presentable, but they won't even give me that option. I fear once they pass their concerns to my mother I'm going to lose. I also tried to respectfully and politely decline but they continued to push so I said "I'll do something about it." Without necessarily agreeing to cut my hair. On one hand, I am my own person, I am pretty much an adult and I believe I can't let them control me and my choices like this, but on the other hand, this is not something that should be giving me stress while trying to bury a recently deceased loved one.
It's even worse when you see that most men in my family go bald in their 20s, just let me enjoy my locs while I have them, damnit! ###### | Nta - your hair, simple ###### |
For as long as I can remember, my boyfriend has always been a very egotistical, competitive person. I’m 23 and he’s 22
It’s actually gotten to the point that I hate playing any type of game with him because he absolutely loses his shit when I beat him claiming that I cheated and the game is a load of “bullshit”
He absolutely refuses to admit that I’m better than him at something and goes out of his way to prove that he is in fact better. If he fails, he goes in a strop saying that it’s “fucking shit anyway”
He is normally a very sweet, caring person but this is the one thing I have an issue with.
Well, a couple of days ago he was playing Red Dead Redemption 2 Online with friends, and as always he wanted to compete. So he challenged his friends that whoever finds a 3 star pelt first wins.
I’m sat next to him not really paying attention because i didn’t really understand what they were competing for and was just sat on my phone.
Well, the next thing I know is that he shoots you from his seat, throws his controller on the couch and shouts that his friend is a “fucking c*nt”
I try to start calming him down but it wasn’t really working and I eventually told him that he needs to get over himself.
His friends must of heard me say that because I hear his friends laughing at him through the mic.
A couple of hours go by and he finishes playing with his friends. He turns to me and starts berating me about how I embarrassed him and how his friends kept repeating that he needed to get over himself and that I shouldn’t of said anything.
Now he’s ignoring me and when he does talk to me, it’s in one word answers.
Was it an asshole move of me to tell him to get over himself? Especially since his friends heard me say it ###### | NTA - your guy has anger issues and he's over here throwing tantrums like a 5 year old because he didn't win a game. Don't give him any attention when he's like this. Don't try to calm him down. He needs to get some therapy and/or grow the fuck up. ###### |
My fiancée and I got engaged last month after dating for 3 years. She’s really great. She’s Japanese but was born in America.
Today she called me into the living room while I was just fucking around with the cat and showed me a text she got from a friend of mine, it was long but essentially said that I have a fetish for Asian women. She got this because my last three girlfriends(including my fiancee) have been Asian. But that’s not because I have a fetish, it’s because I live in a high percentage Asian area and a bit of luck. I’ve dated a lot of white girls and various other ethnicities as well.
My fiancée asked if it was true and I explained, and fortunately she was really cool about it and said that even if I did have a thing for Asian women she didn’t really care at this point since I’ve never done anything weird.
But I was really pissed off with my friend so later I called her and yelled at her that she shouldn’t be telling my fiancée lies like that behind my back, and if she thinks there’s a problem she can talk to me about it. She got defensive and said that she has an obligation to try and help women she knows from making possible mistakes, and she didn’t want my fiancée “trapped” in a relationship where I fetishized her. Keep in mind she’s never mentioned anything about it in the past 3 years we dated.
I asked why she’s even friends with me if she thought I would trap my fiancée in a relationship like that, and she said that she didn’t know for certain but thought she should mention it anyway. She then said that she didn’t do anything wrong and that my being angry is only proving her point. She said to call her back when I’m not being “irrational”.
I’m just fuming right now. AITA? ###### | NTA - Your friend sounds like a nosy, uptight weirdo. She may also have a thing for you. ###### |
This has been bothering me for a while now,
But in short one of my subordinates who is also a good buddy of mine, told me about his intentions of turning his “lifelong dream” into reality, which is basically getting his wife pregnant by another man and raise it as his -he isn’t infertile or anything-, I was horrified when I heard this,and I explained how horrible of an idea this was and that children aren’t means of sexual satisfaction for him and his wife.
And another hour of back and forth talking and arguing and this wasn’t his “lifelong dream” anymore but something he is hesitant about, I was happy with the result, and few days later asked him why his wife thought this was an acceptable thing he said something which mortified me even more apparently his “genetics were inferior” and didn’t deserve to be passed to another generation, at this point I had enough and invited him to my house and told him we should discuss this excessively and he agreed right away, at the end of our meeting he was convinced that this was indeed a terrible thought and I suggested divorcing his wife and he was so supportive of that.
He is filing for divorce but it has been delayed due to the pandemic, his wife knew I had a big part in their separation and she has been texting me rude messages every 2-3 days for months now.
Most people are telling me I helped my friend dodge a bullet but some people are also telling me this wasn’t my business and I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.
So I’m not sure ###### | NTA - your friend seems pretty vulnerable. Good thing you saved him from this one. ###### |
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