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After I was born, my parents, who were drug addicts and have been arrested prior for petty crimes, we're seemed unfit parents and when I was an infant my grandparents were awarded full custody.
I'm sixteen years old and my grandparents are practically my whole world. They have told me many times that if I wanted to reconnect with my mother and father that it was my decision and that they'd support me 100%, but I never wanted to.
My Mother recently reconnected with my grandparents (I've refused to talk to her) and she said she wanted to have at least partial custody of me. She also threatened that if my grandparents didn't help her resolve the situation peacefully, she was going to take them to court, and that's what ended up happening. Fortunately, since it was found that she wasn't in the position to care for me, and since I didn't want to live with her (my birth father, apparently, died a few years ago) she didn't get any custody or visitation.
Right when we were leaving the courthouse, the last time I saw her, she told me I was selfish for not letting my grandparents live the rest of their lives son peace without having to care for an ungrateful grandson. It hurt and so I stormed off, but I've been thinking about it ever since- am I TA for not letting my grandparents enjoy their silver years? ###### | NTA she doesn’t just get to roll up into your life and demand to be your ‘mother’. She chose her path many years ago.
If your ‘mother’ was so concerned about her parents living in peace she wouldn’t be dragging them to court to get custody of a child she conveniently remembers she has and wants custody of after 16 years ###### |
So here's the thing. We're out of quarantine but the rules are still strict. If you enter transportation without a mask you'll get fined. Another way to distance each other in buses, methods etc. is that they forbid us from sitting next to each other. They have put a sign on every two seats to remind people.
Another problem is that is young people stay in home to protect the elderly, yet in my country the elderly refuse to stay home and it's extremely annoying.
Today I had a group meeting with some other students to talk about a team project. I had to carry many things with me, like A1 papers and my designer.
When I finally sat on the bus, my back and hands ached like crazy. It didn't help the fact that today we had a heatwave. I managed to let my backpack to the seat next to me.
Now she enters. An old entitled Lady (around 60 or so). She is loud and she's not wearing a mask which is illegal. She comes to me(I was close to the door) and tells me to pick up my bag so she can see. I showed her the sign and told her that she can't sit here.
She responded, that I'm a rude bitch, I don't respect the elderpy, I steal all the space etc.
Once again I told her she's not allowed to sit next to anyone. She then proceeds to call me an asshole.
The thing that got me was that other people in the bus told me I was rude and didn't respect the elderly. I really didn't want to be a Karen, but I was tired, achy and followed the law.
I'm writing this from my phone, and on the bus. Please tell me if I made any mistakes (English is not my first language)
AITA? ###### | NTA she doesn't just get her way because she's old. There are rules that need to be followed and no one is allowed to sit there anyways. On a normal day I'd say let the lady sit down but this isn't a normal time in the world. You protected yourself and her even if she didn't like it. ###### |
I have a 16 year old daughter, who has recently begun her first real relationship. He’s a nice boy and I like him a lot, though I get the impression his family is much more conservative than I am. His parents wanted to meet my husband and I so we had them over for dinner last night and I did get some judgy vibes from the mother at least. My daughter is not my husband’s child. We went on vacation once with my former best friend and after a night of drinking we decided to switch partners. My husband had a vasectomy before I met him, so when I got pregnant I knew who the father was.
My daughter does know her bio dad, but he choses not to be a big part of her life. She has a great relationship with my husband, but she calls him by his first name. He never wanted kids and I was afraid he’d leave me, so out compromise was that I don’t ever expect him to be a real parent to her. I’m just glad they bonded. It’s a little unconventional, but we’re all happy.
Anyway dinner was going alright, but I mentioned something about how the pandemic had forced us to cancel our plans for our twentieth anniversary, and I didn’t think of it at the time, but obviously they did the math and the mother asked me about it, so I was honest. She looked very uncomfortable, but I guess a lot of people would be, and then she asked how I could say it in front of my daughter. I asked if I was supposed to lie to her, and the woman said she didn’t understand how I could be so upfront about cheating on my husband. That really pissed me off, because obviously I didn’t cheat so I told her to get out.
My daughter is mad at me, because she’s 16 and everything I do is mortifying, and because she is worried about her relationship, but I tried to explain it nicely to this woman. Also I feel like I’m not an asshole because she shouldn’t have asked in the first place, but I’ll let you decide. ###### | NTA she disrespected you in your own home. Also she was the one who started asking questions and you tried to politely answer. Besides what business is it of hers? It doesn't affect her in any way ###### |
So I had gotten a ridgeback/Rottweiler mixed pup. All the other pups looked like Rottweilers with ridges on their backs, but one who looked like a RB with no ridge.
I saw him, black sheep i thought, so am i.
Loved the stuffing out this pup.
We did mostly everything together.
Even on weekends we would go the practice together, and my team mates loved him.
Fast forward to 6 years later.
I got home from school. First things first, go hang out with Brutus.
No Brutus, no chain, no bowl.
WTF is going on i thought.
Me: Mom. Where is Brutus?
Mom: oh. So you know or elderly neighbour X, someone stole their dog. So I gave them Brutus for protection.
Me: what the fuck did you just say? You gave away my dog, without my permission?
Mom: Yes, they needed him more than we did. We have another dog.
Me: he was not yours to give away you fucking cunt. Fuck off.
Me being to young or stupid at the time to go take back my dog.
Soon after I left home and found out he was depressed, stopped eating and he died.
I never forgave here for this.
Am I the asshole for this? ###### | NTA she did give away your dog without your permission and also made him die for that youre defenitly not the ahole ###### |
I have a tiny hole in my wall right above my bed. My girlfriend (17, im 18) absent-mindedly was scratching it and i jokingly said "haha don't scratch my wall off" thinking she'd stop. She didn't. She kept scratching it and i said something like "im serious please don't break my wall" as the hole was getting bigger. She kept on doing it though so I was a little upset because like ?? its my wall lol and i directly asked her to stop breaking it. Then she got defensive and completely shut me out and is now sulking on her phone. AITA?
edit: misspelled a word ###### | NTA She deliberately broke your wall. And now she's apparently shutting you out for being upset that she caused harm to your property. That's doubly asshole. ###### |
I don’t see my family very often and my sister posted a picture of her BF a few days ago. He gets tattoos a lot and I had never seen the one on his arm.
I zoomed in and just thought ‘hay that’s looks like my younger sister’ I didn’t think anything of it other than what a strange coincidence it was. I screenshot the photo and do a side by side comparison of another photo with my younger sister and send it to my sister.
I wrote ‘his tattoo looks just like such and such!’
She replied back the next day asking what my game was? What was I trying to say?
I was a bit shocked so replied ‘nothing, I just thought it was strange that’s all.’ To which she starts asking why I would feel the need to point out anyone’s tattoo mistakes. I said I wasn’t and she said I was trying to imply something. Of course I joked this off and explained no of course I don’t think he has a tattoo of our younger sister! Because I didn’t, just thought it was a mad coincidence how similar they are.
She got quite mad, started saying mum had pointed this out too, I had no right, why would I put it into his head about the tattoo etc etc.
I’ve not even replied because I don’t see why she’s taken it so personally/why she would tell him about a random similarity I noticed or why she jumped straight to anger. ###### | NTA she definitely noticed too and is self conscious about it. Does your younger sister know? ###### |
Due to current global circumstances all our staff meetings are through a zoom like platform.
While we were waiting for the office manager to get on, everyone was showing off their pets and then the moms in there group started to talk about their kids, etc.
My coworker (35F), lets call her Z, was talking her daughter (7) being stubborn and “unwilling to do anything she doesn’t want.” Ya know. It’s whatever, nobody cared cause this meeting wasn’t about people’s children or their parenting. I basically forgot she said anything about her kid.
This is where I may have been an ass:
At the end of our meeting Z grabbed her daughter walking by and shoved her in front of the camera and said “here’s miss brat who never listens!” and I just got annoyed and said “we love strong women, don’t change!”
It’s just a personal annoyance of mine when people talk down about their kids, but I’m not a parent. So I really can’t say whether or not that’s normal, but as someone who came from an abusive home growing up, it rubbed me the wrong way.
My other coworker after the meeting said that was a dick move but I don’t think I was being an ass, just trying to make light of a weird way to describe and then show off your child. AITA?
If I am an asshole, I’ll say sorry to Z but she hasn’t said anything to me directly but I could tell it annoyed her.
(Also, I’m 25F to make it more clear) ###### | NTA saying stuff like that to kids at such a young age is just disgusting, it can affect children a lot when they grow up. I had this one teacher that always called me names and telling me that I was stupid and that I was a brat even though I was one of the most quiet and nice kids in the class, she was my teacher for four years and I have anxiety because of it. It must be way worse when your own parent does something like this, I really feel bad for the kid and I appreciate that you called the mom out, she deserved it. ###### |
I have a rat with a mammary tumor, and I decided that I need to get it removed. She is otherwise healthy but it's growing fast and getting in the way of her movement. Unfortunately even after shopping around the cost is going to end up being almost $600.
I pay for everything with these rats and I'm even ready to pay for this bill. However I was scared of telling mom the price when I came home today so I lied and said it was going to be about $250.
Even with that amount She was shocked and started lecturing me about how unnecissary this whole thing was.
*"It's just a rat. Why do you waste your money on something like that? Just get a new one!"*
I felt really awful because I know it seems unnecissary to go to all this trouble for something that will only live another maybe 1-2 years. I just hate seeing her in such an uncomfortable possition.
AITA? ###### | NTA s/he’s your pet and you care for her, she makes you happy. It doesn’t matter what species it is, she’s important to you! that’s like saying “aw darn my puppy is growing up, time to get a new one!” It’s your finances and clearly you’re responsible about it. Your mom needs to not be so one-track minded ###### |
A few years ago a friend of mine was given the whole set of a manga collection (around 20 books or so) from a family friend. She wasn't overly interested in manga so decided to gift them to me for my birthday.
I LOVE this series; it's one of my favourites and I was planning on taking this set to university with me in a few months. However earlier today this friend messaged me, in a group chat mind not PM, asking if she could have the books back. She claimed that the original owner wanted them back, so she wanted them back to return to the owner.
To be honest I don't want to give them back; they were originally a present to my friend who gifted them to me, and I feel that both my friend and the original owner are being rude to ask for them back.
WIBTA if I said I want to keep them?
Quick Update: I talked to my friend about it and she had never wanted to ask for them back in the first place. Her family is rather strict and believes that "you should always help your family no matter what". The original owner (her family friend) had been harassing my friend to get the books back, and only asked me to get them to stop nagging her. ###### | NTA reply “are you talking about the books you gave me years ago? I thought that was a birthday present. You want my birthday present back?” Make her look like the asshole here.
Edit: also your friend probably wants them back because she doesn’t want to tell the original owner that she gave them away. ###### |
I (33/f) was recently dating a guy (29/m) and spending a lot of time at his house. He lives with his brother (33/m) and his brother's girlfriend, K, (28/f) was there quite often. She and I had quite a bit in common; the biggest thing being we are both in long term recovery from substance abuse ( I go to NA and she goes to AA). We found each other and Facebook and had quite a few mutual friends. Over the past few months we've gotten really close and I like this woman a lot.
Well, my ex has been struggling with depression and insecurities and broke up with me on Saturday (which just so happened to be my birthday). I am not sure if we are getting back together or even if I'm interested in getting back together with him at this point. I'm still very much in my feelings about the break up.
Regardless of my feelings towards my ex, I'd like to remain friends with K. We shared a lot of silly things such as a shared sense of humor, similar style, vaping, and media taste. The biggest thing however was our recovery. Because of the pandemic in person meetings have been cancelled and we now do meetings over Zoom. So she is the only person in recovery that I've seen since early March and the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is unparalleled. This is in our literature, but I've found it especially true in my life.
I'd like to message her on Facebook and let her know that even though my ex and I are no longer together I'd like to remain friends. Possibly get coffee or hit meetings together when we are able to. I have no plans to say anything disparaging about my ex, because I do think he's a good person and care about him, but that doesn't mean things will work out between us.
I do see where this could make things awkward for a lot of parties involved and wonder if I reach out wibta? ###### | NTA Remaining friends with people you made from within the relationship is absolutely fine.
I can possibly see how your ex may not like it, if he is insecure etc he may get paranoid about you speaking about him.
I had a similar issue, my ex got more and more insistent I stop being friends with his friends gf because it was hurting him - took me a little while to realise that that was HIS problem. NOT being her friend would have hurt me... it sounds like losing her would hurt you.
Its great that you are considering your ex's feelings but dont put them above yours. He broke up with you.
Also to add in - the decision on if you are friends or not is ultimately down to you and her, any other outside voices weighing in would be 'disrespectful'*3 to the relationship you have built together. Talk to her, see how she feels.
(Said by somebody with anxiety and clinical depression so I do have an understanding of what he is experiencing)
Disrespectful *3 isn't quite what I mean but couldn't think of a better word. ###### |
My girlfriend is pretty pissed at me. She likes playing Tiktok videos out loud on her phone constantly. It is honestly a really big petpeeve of mine when people play videos out loud on their phone, I can't really explain why. It just always feels obnoxious. I asked her if she could wear headphones or earbuds or play it somewhere else. She felt this was unfair, and that I was being controlling. To me it felt like a simple compromise. I know this doesnt seem like an important issue, but it caused a big argument. Am I being unfair by letting my petpeeve get in the way of her entertainment, or should she consider my sanity when playing videos out loud? ###### | NTA Relationships are about compromise. Have you considered losing your hearing? ###### |
My brother in law (wife’s sister’s husband)is a rehabilitated meth abuser. It seems like my sister in law will be moving back in with him and my MIL would like us to start planning the upcoming post-pandemic holidays.
I’m considering putting down a firm, “Absolutely not.” My daughter is 1 and I just don’t trust him.
He was caught with meth in his golf bag a year ago and begrudgingly went to rehab. He has been clean for about six months. Before this he was just a general jerk. He was exhausting to be around. He would make a scene about anything to get attention. IE: How his drink was prepared, how much crab was in his crab cake, etc. His racism became such a norm that I felt myself becoming desensitized. IE: “I’ve never met a met a Maria who wasn’t a maid”. His range of obnoxious and immature behavior had a wide scope and could go on for paragraphs.
We never bonded before drugs came into the picture. He would take cheap shots and come up with odd blatant lies when my wife and I would make any effort to bond with him over the last 12 years. For example, I told him about some things from infantry training and he interrupted me to go on about a time he went skiing from a helicopter. That story he interrupted me to tell had never happened. He has this odd habit of being shitty and/or lying in public but then apologizing/confessing in private when he gets you alone.
In short, I didn’t want this immature jerk around my daughter before I found out he was a drug abuser. Now I’m drawing a strict rule but it will have an adverse effect on my In laws who understandably want the entire family together.
AITA and being too harsh or do I have a leg to stand on? I would also appreciate hearing from rehabilitated people who were on the receiving end of being cut out by family members. ###### | NTA Regardless of the relatively new rehabilitation, which is absolutely enough of a reason, literally everything else you've said about him makes me want to keep MY kids away from him!
Let your daughter and in-laws have special times when he isn't around, that's a completely acceptable compromise, but keep that racist asshat away from your precious babe! ###### |
So, my mom doesn't really do boundaries. I was assigned female at birth but identify as male. Because of the pandemic I haven't been able to start things that I planned to start. Ever since I started puberty she does this thing where she is in the bathroom while I shower.
It started with her coming in and going to the bathroom while I'm showering. But now that I'm out of the closet, she tends to come in right after I've started my shower. She will not only go to the bathroom while I'm showering, but also brush her teeth and complain at me about my dad, who is her ex-husband.
I end up having to tell her to get out most of the time. She doesn't seem to understand why I won't dry off in the shower while she keeps talking at me. I feel like she's waiting to see me naked so that she can see if I've done anything to "damage" my body, as she puts it. It makes me really uncomfortable.
She insists it's perfectly normal for mothers to be in the bathroom while their kids are showering but I'm 21 now. And she thinks it's fine for her to be in there because she "grew me inside of her". She can't see my reasoning for why it makes me uncomfortable, no matter how many times I try to explain it to her.
AITA for not wanting her to come into the bathroom while I'm showering? ###### | NTA regardless of gender or identity or any of that. You're not comfortable being naked in the same room as her. That's it. That's all that is required for her to be an asshole for intruding. Doesn't matter that it's her house or that she birthed you. She is being not only disrespectful but also a bit creepy. ###### |
Throwaway because my sister knows my main. I am 20F and she is 30. I live at home with my parents and she and her boyfriend live about a half an hour away in an apartment.
So the backstory is I have suffered from disordered eating and eating disorders since I was 15. It was really bad in my last year of high school but when I started college I told my family about my struggles and started to get help. I was doing alright for a while although I am still slightly underweight (5’4, 100 lbs) - it’s not as bad as I once was (at my lowest I hovered between 79 and 80lbs).
My sister knows about my struggles. She is not overweight but at the high end of a healthy weight looking to lose some pounds. She always talks to me about how much weight she’s lost or how she’s “good” for not drinking any alcohol or eating treats. I have told her I am proud of her for getting healthy and that I am always up to talking about cooking healthy foods and things like that with her I don’t want to talk about weight, numbers, dieting, cutting out foods with her. She does not listen.
Finally yesterday she was going on about how she was down 6 lbs and it was thanks to not eating the Oreos she’d bought and pawing them off on me cuz she didn’t need those calories (my favourites tbh). I was annoyed she was disregarding my feelings about weight and calories and numbers. Finally I said “Amos told me he’s up 4 lbs. Poor guy. Not enough exercise for him!” Amos is her dog.
She got really mad at me for disregarding her hard work and comparing her weight loss to the hypothetical weight gain of a dog. I reminded her she disrespected my feelings about weight loss and calorie talk and reminded her I had disordered eating which made it for me to hear those things.
She hasn’t talked to me since. Maybe I overstepped. AITA? ###### | NTA recovery from an eating disorder can be a long and hard path. It can takes years to fully recover and it still doesn't stop it being triggered again in the future.
Your sister is either incredibly ignorant, or worse, just doesn't care.
She was a major asshole talking about things that can potentially trigger a relapse, it's ok to be proud of being healthy, but there was no need to go onto details and mention the things she did.
Is she in the habit of being so thoughtless and/or playing the victim?
Congratulations on your recovery, that's not easy, but it sounds like you're doing great, despite your sister being an insensitive ass. ###### |
I am Asian, and live in an Asian community where everyone in town know each other. We gather once every 2-3 months.
A was my classmate in university. We're not really close, just somewhat between acquantance and friend. After graduation we haven't talked much, as she got married to her long time Muslim boyfriend, being busy with the family, and I started working hard. She is known for being godly, adopts Muslim diet and doesn't miss prayer time since uni.
2 months ago, she moved to our neighborhood and we both think the gathering is a good way to get to know people. This time it was held in our place. Now you may know that most of Chinese dishes contain pork, which is prohibited in Islam. I asked several Muslim-Chinese about what do they eat, and got to know that they still make the same dishes, but replace pork by either lamb/chicken. So I made normal Chinese food with pork, and halal-dupes for A. Her husband had night shift, so she joined the party alone, and didn't look pleased when I noticed her about the food. She just didn't speak much and was keeping distance from me, so after that I had to messaged her about how did things go. Finally, she said she feels being discriminated because I served her different foods, and told me that I could always make pork-free food at first and that people wouldn't mind.
My original intention was only to respect her religion, but I feel like she has her point. So AITA? ###### | NTA quite the opposite you researched halal food for her you respected her religious choices and catered for that.
Imagine if you hadn't provided halal food for her she would have kicked up a fuss about it saying you were discriminating against Muslims
Deffo NTA ###### |
So me (m18) and my ex girlfriend (f18) of a little over 8 months broke up about two weeks ago. For context, the breakup was pretty mutual and peaceful because we are both getting ready to go to college and didn’t think we could do long distance. Since then, she made a tik tok with several pictures and videos of me followed by some videos of her crying as a way for her to “cope” apparently. So far it has over 1700 views (I know it’s not a lot for tik tok but still wow) and it has been growing everyday. I have had over 20 people, from friends to people I barely talk to, send it to me asking if I had seen it and told me how inappropriate they thought it was. I totally agree and I asked her, with an emphasis on this, POLITELY, to take it down, and she doesn’t want to. I talked to a mutual friend of ours about it and I could not seem to reason with her, or my ex, that she should take down the video, and they kept turning it back on me as if I was the jerk and should let her do what she wants even though I do not feel comfortable with the video being up. AITA for wanting her to take it down? ###### | NTA Putting your image online without your consent is just uncalled for and for what seems like just for internet points is kinda scummy. I'm sure you can contact tic tok and ask for them to take it down if you explain that it uses your image without your consent. ###### |
AITA for not wanting to my brother to move in with me?
I (f24) rent a house from my parents with my husband and my daughter(6 years old) my brother(26years old) is being discharged from the navy for some mental issues (extreme depression and substance abuse issues) we have an extra room in our house that my parents offered to him without talking to me.
The reason I dont want him here is because I was abused by him for a long time as a child, I have just started going to therapy to finally face that trauma since nothing was ever done for me as a child when I finally told my parents. My parents didn’t even let me put a lock on my door since he’d usually come in while I was sleeping I thought it was a reasonably measure. My dad still claims he was never told until I was an adult. I dont want my brother around my daughter and I dont want to be around him while I am finally working on dealing with this.
AITA if I tell him and my parents that I dont want him here? ###### | NTA Protect yourself from this person at all costs. ###### |
My cat, [Vader](https://www.flickr.com/photos/69228620@N03/49833377478/in/dateposted-public/), loves to stare at people in the bathroom.
He gets into his cat loaf position and just watches, creepily and unblinking.
It drives my husband crazy.
The other day he forgot to close the door and Vader was doing his creepy watch. He asked me to close the door. Instead I joined Vader on the floor and creepily watched him until he threw toilet paper at me
He says it wasn't funny but I disagree ###### | NTA probably one of the funniest things I've read. ###### |
I'm a 17 year old male but I enjoy doing some things that are traditionally feminine, such as painting my nails or letting my sister do my makeup sometimes. I simply like doing it and that's how I've always been.
So anyways, our church is opening this sunday and my parents want to go to watch my cousin get baptistised. I don't mind going at all but today my dad told me that I need to take the nail polish off before sunday.
It's just plain black nail polish so I don't understand why it's such an issue. Nobody is going to be looking at my nails.
My sister told me that I should just leave it and let our parents fuck themselves and that's what I did. My dad saw that I hadn't taken it off and asked why. I told him I wasn't going to take it off and that I didn't care what he thought.-
I told him that I'm not going if I can't wear what I want and he said that I'm being stubborn and childish. He said that I'm "ruining my cousins event" but I honestly doubt that he'll care if I'm there or not.
AITA for not going to church? ###### | NTA pretty nails shouldn’t be a feminine thing. Rock your beautiful cuticles my friend. ###### |
I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month know. We have gotten very emotionally close and slept together one time.
Last night he texted me that he had something serious to tell me, something he should have told me before. I reassured him that he could trust me, and this exchange went back and forth for about half an hour. My heart was racing because I had no idea what he was going to tell me.
He finally tells me that he was born intersex, and his parents decided for him to have surgery as baby. He said he has felt a lot of insecurity around it and was afraid I wouldn’t accept him. I was surprised and a little hurt that he wouldn’t have told me that before we slept together, but I was very kind and understanding in return because I have a friend who is intersex. It didn’t change how I felt about him.
Finally he asks if he can call me. When he does he asks if he call tell me one more thing, “April fools”. I was pissed and told him that it’s not something funny to joke about. He has apologized in a genuine way, but I’m not over it. I feel like it was tasteless to joke about that, and he really made me have empathy for him and the joke crossed a line(especially since we have slept together). AITA for not getting over his joke? ###### | NTA pranks are suppose to be funny, whats funny about some elaborate lie over their gender identity and the way he played it out
Its emotionally manipulative ###### |
13M.
My Dad’s girlfriend, let’s call her Jess, started spending the night recently. Before he met her, every night, I’d lay in my dad’s bed with my head on his chest. He’d stroke my hair and we’d talk for about an hour before I went to bed. I did this the first few days and she didn’t say anything until about an hour ago. She asked me to please stop doing it when she’s around because the affection should go to her when she’s here, but it’s okay to do it when she’s gone. She told me that I made her feel like she wasn’t even there and my dad didn’t care about her. AITA? ###### | NTA PLEASE TELL YOUR DAD ###### |
Well, today is mother's day at least in my country anyways.( I am sure I just reminded some of you) It's also my mother's birthday today. So its super special.
Because she's turning 50 I thought l would plan something. So from last month I have been texting my brother (23M) to make sure that he is available this weekend and to home so we could celebrate. ( he lives far away due to school) I started a month in advance because l knew that he must be nagged to do certain things.
I ordered the cake and paid for it with my own money. I even booked a restaurant reservation( but due to COVID that failed)
I bought Lillys for her( they are her favourite) and helped my little brother ( 7) to make a card for her.
Finally after a whole month of begging and nagging my brother agreed to stay over. He kept saying things like he is super busy and may not be able to make it.
So on the day( today) my little brother and l woke up super early to make her her favourite meal. We tried waking up my big brother but he wouldn't budge.
When my mother woke up she was so happy. The problem arose when during breakfast, my mother asked who planned all this. I was in the process of saying it was a group effort, even though my big brother did nothing but show up. My big brother cut me off and started taking credit for the whole thing. He even said he paid for the cake!
I said nothing then because my mother was super happy and the moment was about her. Later on however, when my brother and l were alone, l confronted him.
When l expressed how I didn't appreciate his stunt at breakfast, he started saying the way l was being selfish because the moment was about our mother.
So AITA for getting mad or just petty?
I am (18F) for context? ###### | NTA please let your mother privately know how much effort you put into it. I’m honestly mad for you. ###### |
Sorry for format, on mobile.
I’ll try to keep it short. This has been an ongoing argument mostly between myself (19f) and my mom (50f). I want kids, but I don’t want to carry them myself. Part of my problem is that I’m having difficulty explaining EXACTLY why, it’s just not something I’m comfortable doing with my body. I’m a lesbian, so eventually I’ll (hopefully) end up marrying another woman. When it comes to kids, I’ve said that either my future wife can be pregnant if she wants and it comfortable with it, or we can adopt. I am completely fine with either option, I’ll love my kid(s) all the same. Family is made by choice, not blood in my eyes.
My mom says this makes me self-centered and wimpy because I’m “expecting someone else to do all the hard work for me,” and “I’m pushing aside women who are incapable of having babies/have not other options and not allowing them to adopt.” Also on her side, it means “I have no respect for anyone who gives birth.”
I feel like I’m living in the handmaid’s tale, she feels like I’m a self centered prick. Honestly she’s been railing against so much it’s just making me doubt myself and whether I’m really valid, because I do (as far as I know) have a perfectly functioning reproductive system, and some killer looks to pass down, so who am I to deny the world more? ###### | NTA please don't let your mom -- or *anyone --* make you feel bad about this. It's completely your decision whether you carry a child, and you really don't need any explanation for it beyond simply not feeling comfortable ###### |
This seems like a straightforward YTA kind of thread.
See the thing is I turned 21 when everything was in lockdown. It was a bummer but I get it. My close friend (26f) and I had this plan to visit the city, reserve a nice room and celebrate and postpone it. It was suppose to be next week then my friend announced she'll probably get her period next week, so we have to cancel.
That seems odd, right? Well my friend can, but refuses to wear tampons. They make her feel immoral. One of the big activities was visiting a water theme park but if she gets her period, she can't go swim. Again, no matter what she'll refuse to wear a tampon even for an hour.
This sort of irked me because whenever we plan a trip for her birthday she makes sure she books the room during the earlier days of the month to avoid this problem. For my trip she booked it on a later week. She says simply we can just reschedule, because she gets weeks off, but for me my work isn't that easy. I need to put my request in at least 2 months in advance. I also take care of my ill grandma and had to pull some strings to make sure my sister would be her caretaker these days.
My friend seems to have no care about any of this. I've told her we could just skip the park but she says that's what she's looking forward to the most. I'm upset and stressed right now and I don't know if I have a right to be. I know it's not something controllable but she's often so aware of this and it feels like she put all my concern on the backburner. ###### | NTA period end of story ###### |
About 2 months ago I got arrested, it wasn't my fault, my friend was driving and he was speeding while having about 2 pounds of weed on him. I had no idea he had that on him but cause I was an "accomplice" I got sent to a holding cell for the night before they realized I did nothing and let me go.
My sister has been making fun of me for this mistake for the past 2 months now, calling me the "drug addict" and a "dumbass for going to jail" and some other names. I have had enough cause SHE was the one who a year back did cocaine right on our dinner table when our parents were away.
At the dinner table it was only me, my older sister (the one that makes fun of me) and younger sister. She called me her "druggie little brother" and I had enough and said "At least I don't....." and stopped myself and and fake snorted a line. She got really mad and started cussing me out but my dad told her to stop and she just went into her room without finishing dinner.
I didn't tell but I guess my younger sister did tell and my parents were NOT happy, they pay for her phone so they took her off their plan and she has to now pay half of her car insurance. She thinks I'm he one who told them and has been pissed at me to stay the least. I don't think I have done anything wrong, but AITA? ###### | NTA people who live in glass houses... ###### |
He was in a zoom meeting and wanted his wine refilled. I was busy doing things on my computer as well, so he just snapped his fingers at me as if I was a waitress and pointed at his wine glass. Like I get he couldn't talk in his meeting but he couldn't have just muted his mic for a second to ask me to get some more wine for him? I'm not an animal. He doesn't understand why I'm upset about this. ###### | NTA people shouldn’t even treat waitstaff like that, he was rude ###### |
My wife got very mad at me for buying a cot and sleeping in the dining room because of her gaming late at night. When she gets done with her work she likes to game and that is cool by me, I even do a little bit of gaming myself. The only issue is that I have to go to bed because I have to be up early and she will play survival games that scare the hell out of her and she will jump so hard and scream like a hornet just stung her in the cortoid artery. When this happens I damn near get thrown off the bed and wake up in a full blown panic attack. She is now mad and saying that I am over-reacting. AITA? ###### | NTA People need sleep, that isn't debatable.
> jump so hard and scream like a hornet just stung her in the cortoid artery. When this happens I damn near get thrown off the bed and wake up in a full blown panic attack. She is now mad and saying that I am over-reacting.
...what? Screaming scares sleeping people. What the hell is wrong with her? ###### |
My MIL (mother in law) is coming in 2 weeks and staying with us for 2 days while she visits the Eye Hospital...which I was completely fine with. However, she called today and wants to bring 3 of the grandchildren and extend her stay for 4 nights. We already have a 15 month old and 2 children from my husband's previous marriage that we will also have the same week. My husband is stoked but I'm not so keen. AITA for saying no? ###### | NTA people are dying because of socializing. You shouldn't have anyone stay in your home, especially if they're visiting a hospital and aren't a medical professional. Tell them to support a local hotel and meet them in a park for a socially distant picnic. Chances are none of them even bother wearing masks. ###### |
I’m only 22, but my dad has mentioned numerous times that he expects me to not put him in a nursing home, and he always includes ‘wiping his ass’ as something we better be ready to do.
Personally, fuck that. I’d literally pay someone to do that before I do it myself. Hopefully by that point I’ll have kids of my own and I’ll have to wipe their ass. No way am I adding unnecessarily to that list.
And, as a last little tidbit, before he’s said something like “I wiped your ass for years” but him and my mother have stated multiple times that he maybe changed literally one diaper so that argument also falls flat.
I have no plans to ever see inside my parents pants for any reason. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA parents are SUPPOSED to wipe their kids asses. You sign up for that when you CHOOSE to have kids.
No one chooses to be born, therefore no one chooses to have parents. Not your responsibility.
Hire a home care nurse who actually wants and is trained to do that job. ###### |
Ok so starting out, I have never been very maternal except with my dog. Little kids gross me out. I dont want to hold your baby. I just dont like kids. I think people who choose to be mothers are beautiful and strong but it's just not for me. My husband feels the same way and we have talked about if we wanted kids we would want to adopt and give a child a loving home when we are both emotionally/mentally mature enough for a child.
Next, I have a terrible fear of getting pregnant. It haunts me. If I were to get pregnant it would put all my dreams and ambitions on hold. I dont want to put my body through that. I'm not ready for it.
My husband and I have been thinking of me getting a bilateral salpingectomy. I am the one who came to this decision and my husband supports it. I dont want him to get a vasectomy because they can come undone and I can still get pregnant. But with this procedure I can no longer get pregnant "naturally" but I still have my ovaries, so I can be insiminated if we change our minds (doubt it).
We have been talking about adopting for 2 years if we wanted kids and my dad and his mom seem on board with that idea. But my mom just says "no no no" and "you need to start having kids asap before you find out you cant have any" and "when are you giving me a grandchild??" And then my husband's stepdad (whom I've known for 2 years) is telling me to have kids so he can have grandkids and makes all these creepy baby jokes to me. I've told them both I dont want kids and my mom has flipped out on me, calling me selfish and that I'm going to waste my life by not having kids. His stepdad just undermines my opinion and says "yes you do, you just dont know it".
A part of my feels bad because it's like I'm "cheating" them out of being grandparents but if I had a child for that reason it would be wrong and not fair to either me or the child. Would I be an a**hole to get this procedure and not have kids? Am I being "selfish"? ###### | NTA other people are not entitled to make life-altering decisions for you like getting pregnant and raising a child. It’s super frustrating when people try to pressure their adult children into having kids because they feel “owed” for some reason. ###### |
So a couple of years ago my twin brother Ric and I met his now wife Nikki through mutual friends. I liked Nikki and asked her out, she said yes, we had coffee and a great time. I asked if she wanted to go out again, she apologized and told me that she thinks I’m a great guy that’s why she gave going out with me a shot but for some reason it’s Ric that she’s attracted to (Ric and I are identical twins).
I didn’t expect that but it was fine because it wasn’t as if I fell in love with Nikki at first sight and was already planning the rest of our lives together. I also thought it was cool that there’s this awesome girl who likes my brother because Ric was always the quiet and introverted one and didn’t go out much. So I set them up, they clicked instantly and last month they got married after dating for a few years.
A lot of the wedding guests know how Ric and Nikki got together so I didn’t think it would be an issue when in my best man speech I joked that Nikki knew which twin she wanted from the get go and recounted how her shooting me down during our date led to me setting her and Ric up. Nikki laughed while Ric said that I became his favorite brother after I set them up (we have no other brothers).
However, after the wedding my girlfriend was mad and told me that it was completely unnecessary to bring up that I went out with Nikki. She said it’s disrespectful to everyone and I should’ve just said that I set them up. I think it’s more amusing to know the whole story and that my girlfriend is over reacting (it was one time and literally all Nikki and I did was drink coffee and talk) but I wanna know how people who don’t know us look at this. ###### | NTA only because it was a commonly known joke and the bride and groom didn't mind.
Usually it's not OK to mention that you dated the bride before the wedding, but this seems like an exception to that. ###### |
I have wanted to grow a beard for years now, but always thought it didn’t suit me.
With the lockdown, I haven’t really bothered shaving. With the lack of barbers, I shaved my head the other day only to find I really love how I look with the beard and shaved head.
My girlfriend keeps telling me to shave it, she says people will think it looks awful and that it’s embarrassing/unfair on her for me to look this way. I genuinely prefer how I look this way.
I don’t really care what other people think of my appearance, and I feel my beard as comforting and a confidence booster. AITA? ###### | NTA on principle. I'm sure (I hope) you don't get a say on her appearance, so she doesn't get a say on yours. Granted, she does have the right to be less attracted to you based on a change in your appearance, but that's a topic for another discussion. ###### |
TL DR: regardless of how you feel about the covid quarantine, my husband was secretly going to bars. He didn’t tell anyone in our family including his elderly high risk parents who came to visit on Father’s Day because they thought we had been staying at home, so I told him he had to call them and tell them the truth before they came back over this afternoon.
So, we’ve been married for 7 years, have 2 toddlers, and my husband still doesn’t seem to understand his actions affect other people. We’ve been quarantining since March, but he is “essential” so his work schedule has been normal. On Father’s Day his parents (both over 70yrs old) came over for the 1st time to surprise him and we all sat down and ate together since they felt it was an acceptable minimal risk since he only goes to work.
Well, I saw text messages last night that he’s been going to bars with friends after work.
I’m upset that he’s been lying to me, and I don’t know what to do about that.
I’m upset that he’s possibly been putting our family’s health at risk, and I don’t know what to do about that.
I’m also upset that his elderly parents were here because we told them we were safe, and apparently that was a lie, so I told him to call them and tell them he lied or else I would.
He said I’m an asshole for dragging them into our business. He lied to them too. I think that is their business. His dad is supposed to come over again today-I think he deserves to know the truth in order to reevaluate the risk before coming over.
I think I’m protecting our vulnerable parents and children. He says I’m an asshole trying to control everyone, be he’s also already established he’s willing to lie to get what he wants. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA omg you have THREE toddlers! ###### |
So a little backstory
My parents are split up but not fully divorced so they haven’t filled out all the paperwork. My dad (d) is a lawyer so he is quite well payed and and my mum (m) works in a nutrition company so she makes medium wage. Because of how boring life is right now I’m trying to save up to buy an xbox. My parents won’t let me sell any of my current items so I obviously have to do chores (I’m not old enough to get a job.) I’ve done stuff like walk my dog, clean the windows and vacuum at m’s house all for £5 or less each. D paid £10 for just the windows (£1 per window) so obviously I wanted to do the chores at his but m has a huge shed that hasn’t been entered in years! So the words m gave me were “if you can empty this shed and sort the items i will give £10” i thought this was an ok price so i cleared the shed and sorted the items (25 min work) I ask m for the money but she says not until i wash the items (the shed was filled with cobwebs and insects.) I was annoyed but i asked for the cleaning products but she said she didn’t have any. So i had to buy the hose... with the money I hadn’t earnt yet. Plus bug killer, scrubs and new bin bags! i was losing money so i said no. M then said she wasn’t paying me until i did. So i was practically paying her £2.49 to clean out, sort and wash HER shed. I have a natural phobia of bugs so I already hated it but this was ridiculous. I refused and now m has taken all the money i earnt as a punishment plus my ps3 (i prefer xbox but this was all we could get.) D is taking M’s side but I think he’s scared which I don’t blame him for. So Reddit am i the ahole? Also this is my first story on here so sorry if it isn’t good for this subreddit. ###### | NTA oh boy, you get to pay to clean the shed, what a great deal... the reasonable thing would be for your parents to purchase the cleaning supplies or to compensate you for them after you were finished. ###### |
So long story short my friend from high school has 6 kids and she takes care of none of them. The last time I went ober to her house it was disgusting dirty diapers on the floor trash piled up so high that it was a maze just to get to the couch. The kids were so dirty it looked like they hadnt been bathed in at least a week. It is bad enough that she has 6 kids crammed in a 2 bedroom trailer but she also decided to get 2 dogs that she now doesnt take care of. The dogs have fleas so bad that the kids now have fleas crawling in their hair. That was all bad enough, but i reached my limit when the kids started talking about their private places and how they knew it sometimes felt good when other people touched you there. Former friend recently let her new bf move in with them so its super concerning to me that the kids might be being abused along with being neglected. So I called cps and made a report. Somehow it got out and former friend messaged me freaking out calling me every name in the book and saying that I am a horrible person, and that she needs those kids to survive. So tell me AITA? ###### | NTA of course. The children's welfare comes first.
The better thing is this: If there's any hope for her at all as a parent, CPS will help her. (To be honest, it sounds like there isn't, but they really do try to help people be better parents before they take the kids.) ###### |
Throwaway for privacy reasons.
I am bisexual. I have dated both men and women in the past but for the past 8 years I have been in a heterosexual relationship and I have biological children with my partner. Last night I was talking about how I would like to watch the new Disney + movie “Out” with our oldest because I thought it might be good to open up some dialogue about gay people and families. I think this is important for a lot of reasons but one being that his uncle recently came out and I would like to talk to him about it.
My partner scoffed and said my son was too young (he’s 7), and they didn’t understand why I was all of a sudden passionate about gay rights. I said, “well considering I am bisexual, I’ve always been about gay rights.” My partner said I was an AH to call myself bisexual when I was in a heterosexual relationship and I’d clearly made my choice. He also said that since I wasn’t in a same sex relationship currently I could only call myself an ally. So, AITA for calling myself bisexual still? ###### | NTA of course. Many if not most bi people are in relationships... they are all still bi. I don’t even understand how it’s up for debate. ###### |
So back story.
My parents split when i was 2 years old, My mom kept me and my brother and my dad left and avoided contact entirely.
Never paid child support, and kept sending my family his bills and police officers so that they wont go to his address.
Recently i found out he passed away from cancer and my family wants me to mourn for him, yet i dont feel anything for him other than disdain and anger.
I've attended his funeral and paid my share for the tombstone.
My relatives are now giving me a tough time saying i must mourn him as jewish tradition dictates
(7 days of mourning, and then a year with no music or any happy events)
Am i wrong for feeling like this ? ###### | NTA of course. If he can't abide by the 'tradition' of caring for his children why should you abide by this one? Imo this man has already caused you enough unhappiness that a year of denying yourself is unneccesary ###### |
My “best” friend of about 8 years is pregnant for the second time. She blames all of her “mood swings” (aka her being pretty rude with words) on her pregnancy hormones. And listen, I get it. You’re more hormonal, you’re more moody, I understand. But that doesn’t give her the right to be downright rude in my eyes.
When I got my own apartment, she yelled at me and told me I was stupid and “how could I leave my mom”. When I had a pregnancy scare, she yelled at me and told me I wasn’t ready for kids. Blamed ALL of that on her hormones. But I mean, really.. it was just rude.
Now I confided in her a few days ago that I was having trouble with my mental health and wasn’t cleaning my cats litter box as much as I should have. She just threw it in my face when I told her I was taking my moms kitten, that she can’t keep. She throws it in my face and says “you can’t even keep up with one cats literal shit.” I’ve been doing a bit better and keeping up with it more but like... I trusted her to not judge me for that and to throw it in my face? And now she posted on facebook saying that she’s annoyed with someone’s actions. Which I mean, clearly is me lol.
I just wanna know if it’s wrong of me to be holding her accountable for her blatant rudeness. ###### | NTA of course there’s no excuse for rudeness especially when she refuses to acknowledge it and apologize. Sounds like her true colors are coming out now that she thinks she has something to blame her bad behavior on. ###### |
I was dating my wife for 8 years before I proposed. We lived together for most of that time and it just didn't feel like it would make any difference. Finally I proposed and just a month after the proposal we found out that she was pregnant. With that discovery we decided to postpone plans to get married until after he was born and everything was settled in a bit.
Fast forward to our wedding with our baby. While we had him by our side for the majority of it, every now and then a family member would volunteer to watch him for a short bit. Queue my wife's mother saying that she wanted to watch him for a little while.
Now I can tell many stories about why the MIL is not a responsible adult, but I'll keep it simple for the sake of this post. I thought it'd be fine since there were people everywhere and in my head "I had to start trusting her at some point". I was wrong and I'm happy that it stayed as tame as it did.
My son was teething and gave her a small bite on the MILs arm. I didn't see it but apparently she put him into the wet grass and just walked away saying "shit, he's lucky I didn't throw him". She left him there with no one close by watching him. My mother saw this from a distance and scooped him up. She told me about it later.
So... I didn't much trust this person beforehand but the event solidified my stance. It's been four years now. I never talked to the MIL about what happened. I just told the wife that the MIL will never watch him or even be left alone in the same room as him. She wasn't happy about it but didn't argue against it either. When the MIL has offered to watch him I dance around the issue and I think that she has gotten wise to the fact that even though I'm friendly to her, I wouldn't trust her to make a sandwich for my son let alone watch him.
All of this has soured relations a bit but frankly, that hasn't changed anything for me. So... AITA for never letting the MIL watch her grandson? ###### | NTA obviously. You have to do what’s best for your son. ###### |
I am trying to save a good emergency fund so I can move out of my parent’s house. My brother is 8 years old than me and more established in his career and everything—he wants to buy a house to live in with his fiancée. He knows I have an emergency fund saved (our family is pretty open about money + finances) and he came to me and he asked for $5,000 so he could have enough to make the down payment. I said it was an emergency fund and I didn’t want to delay moving out because it took a while to save up that money. He said it’s not a big deal and he can pay it back in two months. I said no again and he went and told our parents, and they said that I’m living in their house so I should pay my brother the $5,000 as rent to them back-dated. I said that we’d never talked about rent and this was being sprung on me and I don’t understand, if they want me to move out, why they want me to give up my emergency fund. I said that if he can’t afford the down payment then how is he going to pay for the house and they all groaned and rolled their eyes, my dad said “what have you been reading, money self help books?” And pointed out family helps each other. I would be happy to help if I thought I could give it up without missing it but I think I would, if he took the $5,000 I wouldn’t be able to afford to even pay my deductible for health insurance if I got hurt and my parents definitely aren’t paying for that. So AITA ###### | NTA obviously. My goodness ###### |
My property ends about 2 feet from my neighbor’s property. Because it’s so close we have not made a big deal when he walks in our lawn a bit or needs to set up a sprinkler in our lawn to water the side of his house. I didn’t even come t when he drove his truck into his back yard multiple times over the course of a few weeks.
But recently I think he’s taking it too far. He hired a tree removal company to take down a tree in his backyard and told them it was ok to drive their large trucks through my lawn to get there without asking us. He got a new dog (German Shepard) and put the stake leash right on his property line so the dog is very far into my lawn. I have a young child who is afraid of dogs and he refuses to play in our lawn because the dog is so far into our yard.
For reference, he has a decent sized front yard and back yard (1/4 acre or so total) and the majority of our lawn is the area where he keeps encroaching.
He is a new neighbor so we started nicely just letting him know where the property line is so he didn’t have to wonder and we said nothing when he drove his truck back. But i have now twice had to ask him to get his dog off my lawn. He makes a big huff about it and is clearly annoyed.
I want to be neighborly but I also want him to respect that he can’t do what he wants with my property. My husband thinks we should just ignore it. I think we need to gently ask him to keep his vehicles and animals out of our yard. ###### | NTA obviously. It's your property not his. If he won't take a hint you can give him a heads up you're putting up a small decorative fence on the property line so he will have to move his dog. Good fences make good neighbors. ###### |
Literally 2 minutes since this happened, on mobile warning, the usual.
My younger brother (14) keeps a drink next to his bed, pretty normal. This drink is in a plastic watermelon cup.
Now, because he's incompetent, he "has to" have someone else fill it and pass it to him (he can do it on his own, he just refuses to 99% of the time).
When he wants it filled, he will shout. What will he shout you ask?
"OI, BOY! WATERMELON!"
The irony of a 14 year old calling his older brother "boy" is not lost on me, but I deal with it.
So far, I have described a normal night; now for what happened tonight.
Tonight, he screamed at me with the windows open while I was half-running to the bathroom before I shat myself (he was in there for 15 minutes while I filled the dishwasher); so I responded "not now, I'm busy".
His response to this was to: jump out of bed, shout again, and throw the cup as hard as he could at the now locked bathroom door.
Now, tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm already pretty certain that he's an asshole at this point, but now enters my mum.
About 5 minutes later (nice crap, hand washing, and tooth brushing) I emerged from the bathroom and began to walk along the landing when my mum said "are you going to fill his melon now?"
I responded with a quick "no, I'm not going to stand for him shouting and throwing things at me to get what he wants."
To this, she sighed, walked to the bathroom, and filled it herself (less than 30 seconds). While doing this she said "you're an arsehole you know. You should have just done it and not made me do it."
[4 minutes later]
Mum walks past my door and says "it would make life so much easier if you weren't an arsehole to your brother all the time"
I didn't respond, so she repeated it louder.
"Mum, I heard the first time"
"Well you should have responded then, arsehole"
And she walked away.
At this point, I might as well change my legal name to arsehole considering how often I get called it, but oh well.
Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA obviously. Is there a reason this teenager can’t fill up his own cup? ###### |
My father is an abusive man. I cannot remember a time when he wasn't abusing me. My entire childhood was a living nightmare until I turned 16 and I got to go my aunt's home for my summer internship because our house was too far from my job. My aunt was the polar opposite of my father and the memories that I made with her are some of the best memories of my life.
I'm 23 now and my aunt just passed and she left me her home and a sizable amount of money. She wrote me a letter explaining why she left the money to me and I don't want to let her down.
My dad believes that I should pay him back for the money he spent on my education and that means living with him and paying for everything in his house until I get married or he dies. He has been trying to intimidate me into using the money my aunt left me to settle my "debt" and to will my aunt's home to him because it's in much better shape than his house and he "deserves" it because she was his sister.
My father relies on my income to keep the house running and I've been fine with paying for everything up until now but I think this is a step too far.
WIBTA if I moved out and cut off all contact with him knowing full well that he cannot afford to live in the style that he is accustomed to? ###### | NTA NTA NTA. You owe him NOTHING. Get the fuck out of there. ###### |
AITA (F 26) for asking my husband (M 26) to contribute more to our savings?
He pays most of our bills, excluding some household finances and my debts (student loans, credit card, and my car). I pay for most groceries, our furniture that we financed, and the pet bills (disabled dog).
He makes roughly $4800 a month. I make $1800. I contribute about $600 a month to the savings because he pays for most of the bills. The past few months, he has taken from our savings to party with friends (one got out of the military) and he said he would replace it. He’s taken out $400 and not put anything in since February.
I asked him if he could contribute anything to our savings this month and he said no. He told me that after bills, he only gets $800 in disposable income and that’s not a lot for him. He’s now mad at me because I told him it feels one sided lately and that I feel like I’m the only one contributing and trying to save. Keep in mind, almost all my disposable income goes to our savings. AITA for getting upset?
Edit: we each pay bills according to our income. Half of his income and half of mine go to bills. Realistically, he should have more than $800 a month in disposable income. But that’s the number he likes to bring up. ###### | NTA NTA NTA.
He is spending not his free money, but YOUR MONEY on these parties. He took money OUT of a combined savings account that he refuses to put any money towards in order to party. He is not spending his own money to go on parties, he is spending YOUR'S and then refusing to replace it. And on top of that, he has an extra 800 a month to freely spend. Why didn't he pay for the party with all that cushiony money? Unless he had already recklessly spent it all.
op, WAKE UP. This is not a man who cares about your future. This is not a man who cares about your free time. This is not a man who shares the same values with you when it comes to preparing for the worst. This is not a man who wants to invest in his future WITH you, in your LIFE together.
I highly suggest having a talk about values with him, and if that gets nowhere maybe try therapy, or having a mediator to help.
ETA: if you feel the need to spend all your disposable income on savings because he refuses to put any money down, he is in the wrong. He is the one asking YOU to give up all your free money while he blows it. Instead, you can both set up a situation where you equally save, and enjoy your leftover money together. If he is not willing to do that, he is in the wrong. ###### |
So we’re both vegan and have been for years.
Last year we got a beautiful cat who is the grand baby neither of our parents will ever have.
She’s obviously an obligate carnivore and we’ve been feeding her kibble and wet food.
Unfortunately, where she came from wasn’t a very good situation and she had horrible teeth when we rescued her. It’s not come to a point where if she’s painful she doesn’t want to eat kibble and wet food will just make it worse.
We went on a website for rawfeeding animals and bought her some chicken necks and chicken hearts. According to the vet, this should encourage her to use her teeth as it smell “more appetising” than space nuggets.
We’ve obviously been quite uncomfortable with this as it’s raw meat in our otherwise vegan home but we’d do anything for our little gremlin so it’s worth it.
We’ve since had some friends over who were horrified when we got raw meat out and asked us if we weren’t vegan and we said that we were and still are, but that kitty is not.
They’re now saying we’re fake vegans and that we don’t care about animal welfare if we’re feeding her raw meat.
We don’t see the issue, as these are part of a chicken that humans wouldn’t eat and we are following what our vet told us to keep our baby at optimal health. In our minds, these parts of already slaughtered animals would otherwise just be thrown away.
This has created quite a bit of drama in our friend group as some people are now accusing us of being hypocrites while the other half say that we’re just caring for our cat.
Are we the assholes here?
[cat tax](https://i.imgur.com/QFng2By.jpg) ###### | NTA NTA NTA!
Cats are obligate carnivores as you rightly stated. Good for you, don’t listen to your vegan friends, you are doing the best for your kitty 🐱 ###### |
This isn’t such a big deal but it’s a constant argument between my father and I, almost a daily thing. My father is always saying how he’s just an affectionate man he likes to hug and just hold onto people but I don’t fucking like it. I don’t like being touched all the time to me it’s just annoying and feels restrictive. Every time he holds onto me and i get annoyed he thinks it’s some sort of game and will do it more to annoy me on purpose and the only way to make him stop is to raise my voice. I’m over it enough of these pointless arguments and being made to feel guilty because I don’t like being touched.
So I’m just wondering, AITA? ###### | NTA NTA NTA NTA
No one has right to touch you in any sense without your approval. If you say no, it means no. No matter to whom. ###### |
Background on me: I'm a 16 year old trans guy. I'm on testosterone, the medication in this scenario.What's going on:I have a T shot every Sunday at 7. I was late because I wasn't paying attention to time, no big deal since I do it myself right? I go downstairs to get my stuff to do my shot and everything is there *except* for my actual testosterone vial. I ask about it, cause you know; it's medication. My mom tells me that if I want to take my shot I have to do chores that I normally do before bed. I got pissed and went to my bedroom because that shit isn't cool. My dad comes up a little later and asked me if I knew she meant I had to do my chores and not an essay that she also brought up. I said yeah and he called me unreasonable for saying I was just gonna be super late and or miss my shot this week.
EDIT: Yes, I know I should do chores, I'm not an idiot. The issue is the fact that it was never a requirement before and that has suddenly changed. Chores don't get done til right before bed because if I don't do them then or as soon as I wake up I forget to. My mom gets pissed if I forget to do them and it ends with me not being able to do things like get a job and such. ###### | NTA NTA NTA NTA And I really wouldn’t trust anyone saying otherwise. Withholding medication is serious shit, and clearly not at all related to chores being done - it’s a power trip. It’s not okay under any circumstances, and it’s obscene to be saying it’s a reasonable punishment for a teenager putting off chores. ###### |
So...like, in my mind I don't think I'm an asshole but my family is treating me like I have disowned my father for this so here goes:
Around 2017, I cut all of my hair off. All of it. I stopped getting relaxers and let my hair go natural because I really wanted to try it, and I LOVE it. I have kept my hair short and proper since, and I feel a lot more freer with my hair in it's natural, healthy state.
My father, on the other hand, HATES it. Like, despises it. Everytime he has seen me, for like the past year or so, he has to comment on my hair. I've always been nice about it, laughed off his jokes about it, and kind of shrugged them off, but I'm going to be honest, it's started to piss me off.
Today, I walked into the room where he was, and the first thing he says to me is: "When are you going to let your hair grow out and get a relaxer?" Y'all, I'm on my period and I'm cramping so I just let him have it. I told him that I have agency over my own body and that I like the style so I'm not changing it. He looked at me and laughed, then mocked me like a three year old. He was like "You don't have to be rude," and I'm like, "I'm not being rude, I just don't like you talking about my body and my hair choices. I don't tell you what to do with your hair." He looked over at my mom and was like "Why is she so rude?" and she told me that "I wasn't being nice" and I just...I don't know what to think? He says things about my weight and stuff sometimes too and I very rarely say anything to him but the one time I defend myself...I'm the asshole?
Am I really the asshole or am I just...being a bitch about it? ###### | NTA NTA NTA !!!
I relate to this SO much. Ever since I was 12 I’ve told my parents I want to shave my head and keep it short. My natural hair is extremely thick and very curly, which makes it a pain in the ass to take care of every single day.
When I was 18 I finally just shaved it all off. My parents, catholic and conservative, hated it! Only, my parents liked to not say anything right to my face and pretend they liked it. Once the hair was long enough to touch my shoulders I mentioned shaving again and my mom agreed with a fake smile and dad said something like “just leave the hair alone!” Should’ve seen moms face when I told her I like girls lmao.
Distance is your friend. They’re your parents so I’m sure you don’t want to cut them off, but moving out and getting away from that toxicity is amazing! It’s your hair and nobody, NOBODY, is allowed to tell you what to do with it. Whether it’s weight, hair, tattoos, lifestyle choices, they won’t agree either way.
Do your own thing and try to not let them get to you. Your dad’s an inconsiderate AH and probably won’t change anytime soon. Keep ur chin high and your hair exactly the way you enjoy it. ###### |
I’ve been writing porn stories for about 2 years now. It’s not huge but I make $750-$1500 dollars a month from it, sometimes even more, which really helps supplement my income. It’s nothing super super hardcore though some of the kinks I guess could be considered “weird.”
I was talking with my boyfriend of about a year and I just casually dropped this information. He got mad at me! But I didn’t think it was a big deal. He seemed to almost think it was a dealbreaker and that it’s super weird that I do this, that only really strange and messed up people write that sort of stuff. He’s not a prude, we’ve had sex, so it’s just all strange to me. AITA for not telling him about it straight off the bat/earlier? ###### | NTA NTA NTA - this is YOUR job, YOUR income, your partner has nothing to say about this. If anything he should be proud people like your writing so much they are willing to pay for it! It's not like you're sleeping around on him, you are just writing! ###### |
I am very interested to learn how everyone sees this.
My father is dead now for about 10 years. He had been a banker and had offered an (ill advised) investment opportunity - back in the 2000s - to a sort of friend, I'd say more of a buddy, if that makes sense.
The friend made an investment of 500 €, which seemingly was a lot to him at the time (important later).
My father went back to the US and forgot all about his previous life in Germany, where this plays out, he later died there too. He left most of his earthly belongings to his two brothers.
The friend never forgot about his 500 € investment into this stock, the respective company went bankrupt in the late 2000s, without him even noticing. When I met him on the bus only recently, he approached me and asked me to pay him back 'his' 500 €. I was a bit shocked since I didn't even know about his investment - apparently my father had told him this was a totally safe investment opportunity where he'd get back his money any time.
I refused to pay or even split the loss, telling him that the real heirs of my father's estate were in the US. I actually tried to reach out to one of these uncles but was unsuccessful. Apparently the 'friend' is hard pressed for cash after the restaurant his brother maintained had to close, leaving him unemployed and later working as a package delivery driver.
AITA for not paying the friend? He has been giving me death stares every time I saw him since, occasionally trying to make me feel guilty by saying things like: "Well, this money doesn't hurt you like it hurts me."
I do not feel responsible for my father's idiotic investment tipps which he gave to people, plus the people's decisions to follow through with them. Am I under a moral obligation to seek out the guy and pay him? ###### | NTA not your problem. Anyone can say your dad owed me money. ###### |
Some context: I have a strict "no lending" policy on money, I won't let anyone starve, but I'd rather buy you lunch rather than give you the money. It's something my parents taught me and it helps to weed out who's just lying to get a fix of whatever.
Due to lay-offs, we are all struggling, but I have a savings account with some emergency money. I've literally starved to be able to put some money aside every month, and it's not much, but it's something to fall back on.
Last month, one of the guys I work with started sending me texts asking for money. I said no, he asked someone else and got it so I didn't feel too bad about it. This month, as soon as we got paid, he started the texts again, and again, I said no. I know he's good for it, I'm sure by the end of the month he would pay me back and we're friends. I even pay for drinks when we go out because I know he doesn't have much.
Here's the thing though. I work 12/14 hour shifts. I work myself to the bone to be able to save up and I don't spend money on myself, aside for bare necessities. And this guy, even though he's a good worker, doesn't. He misses work half of the week, gets in late and, even though his schedule is always the same, he sends a text everyday asking what time he gets in, even on my days off.
Now, there are a lot of reasons why I shouldn't lend him money, he gets financial aid from the government and wastes it all on weed, he mooches of other people for places to crash, food and alcohol and takes stuff from work to take to his dealer to pay for more weed.
But none of that matters to me. Even if the money was for something important, what really makes this a solid No is the fact that if he just showed up for work he would have money for his stuff. And even though I could lend him some bucks, why should I have to? I do feel bad for him, and in my mind I keep arguing with myself about it, so I want to know, am I being an asshole here? ###### | NTA Not your circus, not your monkeys. ###### |
This happened a long time ago - when I was about 14 and on a family holiday to a holiday park kind of place (Center Parcs for anyone in Europe). When I was a young teenager, I was kinda chubby and didn’t get much attention from boys like some of my friends did.
So anyway, one Valentine’s Day, my family wrote a fake card from a ‘secret admirer’ guy asking me to meet him at a the central place (where all the bars and restaurants etc are). Straight away I thought it was BS and laughed it off saying yeah whatever. Well over the course of the day, my whole family (mum, stepdad and sister) basically convinced me it was real, promising they didn’t send it and just genuinely trying to convince me to go to the place we were supposed to meet. Eventually, I thought I’d just go when my younger sister said she’d come with me and we’d just hang out in the area. I wasn’t completely convinced but was convinced enough to go.
Sure enough, we get to the place, hang out for a bit and no one shows. All of a sudden, my mum and stepdad show up and they all start laughing saying it was a prank. I tried to laugh along but obviously I was completely humiliated. I think the worst part is that they still occasionally bring it up and laugh about it. Recently, I told them I thought it was a horrible thing to do and I actually don’t find it funny at all. They all make out I’m being being an asshole and can’t take a joke or that I’m too sensitive.
So, AITA in the sense that I should just get over it? ###### | NTA not only is it a really low quality prank, it actually hurt your confidence and feelings. Not very cash money of them. ###### |
Over the past two years I’ve brought up wanting to meet my (35f) boyfriend’s (32m) best friend a couple times (“I want to meet so-and-so”, and “so when am I going to meet so-and-so?”) and the responses were, respectively, nothing, and “whenever”. Since then I’ve fought about it with him twice and the latest one he told me I’m making a big deal out of nothing, and suggested meeting his friend would “mean something about our relationship,” which, in the end, is true.
I feel like I’m not good enough to meet his friend, that he’s embarrassed of me or maybe he’s embarrassed of his friend (?), that he’s hiding that part of his personality, that he’s ashamed of me, that I’m not good enough, and so on. Maybe he thinks I’ll embarrass him with my being a total idiot? On and on, this is just a slice of the thoughts I have about it.
My bf is very private and likes a lot of space and distance. He doesn’t like talking about himself. The only people in his life who even know I exist are his mom and her husband, and not because we were intentionally introduced. (Met them on our one year anni)
Am I overreacting? Is this not really a big deal at all? I know my feelings are valid, but not sure my perspective is... TIA ###### | NTA Not going to lie if he doesn't care enough to introduce you to his best friend after two years you shouldn't be with him. You should want to show your SO off or at least introduce them in the hopes that you'd all get along great.
A couple months in I'd be suspicious that he refuses to let me meet never mind two fkn years. ###### |
Since I'm fully employed and living with my parents I have a lot of expendable income that I have spent around the house to make it more enjoyable for everyone. Over the past month my job has needed me to come in 7 days a week and I'm barely getting enough sleep. I let the kids use all the stuff I've bought as long as they do what the parents ask of them and be quite when I sleep, now that I get less time to sleep.
I give them reminders before naps to please be quite and they usually give me attitude but then they're quite enough, but I was so exhausted yesterday that before I could make it upstairs I fell asleep on the living room beanbag while they were all quite. When my brothers girlfriend, who came over here recently and now stays here 24/7, wanted to watch Netflix it was recommended to her that she should use airpods (which where the ones I gave to my brother for free) so that she doesn't wake me. (She has been the most adamant about not wanting to be quite, and had previously said "I'm gonna be so loud, and if I wanna wake you up at 3am in the morning I will") When I half woke up and asked her nicely to use the airpods she said "No, no one even cares about your Xbox."
I know that the only thing my brother wants to do during this time is to play CoD so I had been talking about taking away my Xbox if I can't sleep because everyone is loud. So that's what I did. It's been in my room for 24 hours and 4 family members have asked why they can't use "the Xbox" ( not even like a "your Xbox") When I tell them they blame me. I've told them that all they have to do is have her say that people care about it.
Am I the Asshole? ###### | NTA no one is except your brother's gf. Tell your brother to talk to her and you bring the Xbox back for everyone to use when his gf changes her attitude. She's a guest there and this
>"I'm gonna be so loud, and if I wanna wake you up at 3am in the morning I will"
Attitude is just disgusting. ###### |
Since last week my grandma starter complaining that my room is dirty and unorganized. I clean my room at least every other day but apparently for her it is too little.
So, a few days ago I decided to go for a walk at the local park only to come back to my keyboard being off, my rgb strip mostly off with some LEDs flashing on and off and some stuff missing from my desk (like USB sticks) . I decided to go and ask her what happened and she told me that she decided to clean my desk because it was too crowded and dirty. Also she told me to be careful because something shocked her when she tried to remove the water she dropped on my desk.
I immediately rushed back to my setup and tipped my keyboard over only to see water dripping from it. I then went outside and told to never go into my room and didn't talk to her since.
FYI The keyboard was the Corsair k95 which costs 250$ where I live. ###### | NTA no matter if people agree with how you live, if it’s a problem, that’s for your parents to decide. Clearly they thought your cleaning was enough.
She shouldn’t have touched your stuff and that’s an expensive fuckup. Sorry OP, hopefully a replacement will be sorted. Let your parents deal with this, but make it clear to both them and her that this was an invasion of your privacy and property and that you won’t be happy until something is done to rectify it.
I’d also want an apology from her. If she doesn’t know enough about technology to know that water damage is a problem and that she should have unplugged it the moment water got on it, she doesn’t know enough to be near your desk. ###### |
We have been married for 4 years, with two kids ages 3 and under 1. I’ve been a stay at home mom by day, uni student by night and my husband was working full time but was furloughed back in March. Ever since having kids, and if I’m honest even before that, most of the housework has fallen on me. I’ve been saying things to him for years that I don’t feel he contributes equally and I’m tired of never having a break while he gets to come home from work and relax. Every conversation like this goes south because he takes it extremely personally and says I’m making him out to be a terrible husband and parent. I’ve told him that’s not what I’m saying but I *do* need more help around here. It’s been a very very slow progress.
Since we’ve both been home these last few months the difference in work is glaringly obvious. It’s not that he does **nothing** because he definitely does help out, I just do a lot more. Again I try to have the talk, again I’m met with anger. So I told him I’m buying a chore chart. He was on board with it. Then when I put it up and he saw how I organized it he got mad. I put every single little tedious thing I do (“wash bathroom sink”, “wash toilet”, “wash kitchen sink”, “sweep x room”, “mop x room”, “towel laundry”, “bedsheet laundry”, “bathe kids”, etc etc) and color coded it so my husband and I each have a color and we initial the chores we do every day. He said it seemed petty, annoying, and like it’s just adding more work but I just don’t know how to get through to him exactly how much I do that he doesn’t do. AITA? ###### | NTA No adult living in their own home should see maintaining that household as "helping out". If you haven't seen it before, I highly recommend the comic ["You Should Have Asked"](https://www.workingmother.com/this-comic-perfectly-explains-mental-load-working-mothers-bear#page-2). ###### |
Yesterday morning my girlfriend was being pouty and generally sour. When I asked her what was wrong she said that she was upset because I had not cooked her breakfast or brought her flowers or any of the things I do for her birthday or our anniversary.
Befuddled, I asked why I would do any of those things for mother's day, as we have no children? She thought that because we have two dogs she qualifies for mothers day. I laughed and told her that until she has a human child she doesn't qualify for mother's day. I had sent cards and flowers to my mother and grandmother so I guess she was expecting some too? She's still upset about it this morning.
AITA? ###### | NTA next she’ll be saying you gotta give her gifts on the queens birthday because she’s your queen ###### |
My wife is 7 months and yesterday we had a fight(what about isn’t the point but because people will ask she sold my ps4 without asking me). She then tells me to sleep on the sofa when she goes to bed. I’ve had a bad back since a car accident in my late teens and the sofa makes it 10x worse(for the record I got hit by a drunk driver, wasn’t my fault).
I said no, and if she had a problem she could sleep on the sofa. She said she can’t because she’s pregnant. I said too bad then and got into bed and tried to sleep. She then started yelling at me that it’s unfair to force her to sleep with me when she has no where else to go. Neither of us slept at all last night.
AITA? ###### | NTA neither of you can sleep on the couch in your conditions, and if you can't make up before bed, you're gonna have to deal with it. She also doesn't have the right to get rid og your things ###### |
alright so, my dad has been very insistent that since i entered university, he needs to know where i am at all times. the options were either to live-share my location, or download one of those apps that inform you what your child is doing. and i tried to convince him otherwise. but it didn’t work out.
so what i actually did was i got a burner phone and installed it there, and my dad’s been tracking the burner phone instead. if for example, i’m doing something he disapproves of, like going out to lunch with friends, buying cigarettes, being in a bar, etc. i leave it with a friend who won’t be leaving university.
so when my dad travelled, i was going to sleepover in a friends house, and i told my dad i was pulling an all-nighter in my university, and gave it to a friend who was there studying.
and then my friend all travelled back to their home countries.
so that friend unthinkingly took the phone with him, and now my location shows up all the way across the globe. and my dad found that out yesterday, and was like wtf and assumed it to be a technological glitch - i told him it was probably because i use VPN’s.
well i told my girlfriend last night because i was finding it really funny that i was showing up in another country i clearly was not in, and she lost it at me and told me the reason my dad tracks me is because i do shit like this and therefore he can’t trust me, and that i should come clean.
AITA? ###### | NTA my parents tried to track me (21) and do track my younger siblings. I think if you are in uni then you should be able to have your own life and do what you want. Intentions may be good but it does not matter at that point. That cause you and your parent a lot of unnecessary stress. ###### |
To preface this I 100% recognize how blessed I am to have the opportunities that my parents provide me and am in no way diminishing what they have given me so let’s please avoid the privelege comments and such
My parents typically take us on a big vacation(big as in long and far away, about 2-3 weeks and across the ocean) this upcoming year-summer of 2021- i am graduating from high school so my parents told me I could “plan” the trip in the sense that I can pick the destinations and activities that we do. My sister graduated from grade 8 this year and got a gift or two from my parents (gifts far above what grade eight graduation gifts would typically be imo) My sister and I typically have very different ideas of what a fun vacation is; she’s more of a relax on the beach at a resort type and I prefer outdoor adventure in a more temperate environment with activités like hiking. When my parents and I were talking about destinations for the trip my sister came in and started complaining about the destinations and asked why I could pick where we were going. Once my mom explained it to her she complained about how she just graduated from grade eight and didn’t get to do anything like that. The complaining frustrated me in part because it’s just annoying and also because she got a great gift for graduating grade eight (something in my country every kid does since it is literally impossible to fail) so I told her that graduating from grade eight means a lot less and is less important then graduating high school. I regret saying it and am not sure if it was too harsh but my parents Definetely think so and are telling me I have to apologize, which I plan on doing. AITA ###### | NTA my parents didn’t even give me gifts for graduation grade 8. She can plan the trip when she finishes high school ###### |
I’m sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language,
My friend has been a friend of mine for a long time, because she didn’t have a car I used to give her rides to fun activities we could both do like partying, going to the mall, going to the beach, you get the idea.
Well one day she got pregnant from an unknown guy in a party and she decided to keep the baby and jokingly said to me that I’m going to be the baby’s uncle (oh boy).
Well, I didn’t mind helping her from time to time, taking her to doctors appointments, going with her to the mall to get her some baby clothes, things that I honestly didn’t enjoy, I even had to miss work sometimes to help her but I knew she was in a tight spot and helped her anyways. This became something of a routine.
A month ago, she texted me that she needed me to take her to a doctors appointment for a routine check the next day in the morning (7 am). She sent the message at 10 pm and when she sent it I was already with my friends getting ready to go partying, well, I told her that and that I wouldn’t be able to go, when I told her, she started calling me demanding that I took them home so I can rest and take her and the baby to the doctors appointment, when I said no she got angry and started saying things like “you are not really a good friend” “I should take her baby more seriously” “it’s time to grow up” and I decided to ignore her from that point and we haven’t talked since.
Well one mutual friend found out about it and said that I’m really not a good friend and that I should have told the rest of the group so we could had decided what to do in the moment. But the thing is I hadn’t Had fun in such a long time because of me helping her that I didn’t want to do that and from that moment the group has been divided between the people who think I’m an asshole and the rest.
Before you ask, the rest of the group doesn’t have a car.
If there’s any grammar or spelling mistakes please let me know
So reddit AITA? ###### | NTA My dude/tte, you are exercising your self respect, and your "friend" is trying to set you up as a doormat.
Your friend is selfish, and entitled at that. I'd cut all ties until they understand it's not okay to cover their wants as needs and push them unto your own personal space and life. ###### |
We are stuck at home and I've been helping my 13F daughter and 11M son work on homework while I work from home. It's just the three of us and our house isn't huge, so there's lots of bickering at this point. Today, my dad asked if the kids could come over and mow their lawn to make some money for treats. I said that as long as they got their homework and chores done, I didn't have a problem with it. Well, the time came around to head over to do it and my daughter hadn't done any of her homework. She already has two Fs from missing assignments from previous weeks that I have been nagging her about (probably overly so). My son finished all of his homework and chores by noon today and then took the dog for a walk. He has straight A's at this point because I've been nagging him just as much as her, if not more. So my son got to go mow the grandparents' yard and get $20 while my daughter didn't. It's almost four hours later and she still hasn't done the assignments that are due today. Am I the Asshole for allowing him to earn money and not her? ###### | NTA Momma! Hang in there. You've got this! Soon you will have two teenagers to handle.
You laid out the conditions. One meet them the other didn't. If your daughter had done her school work but your son didn't then he would have missed out instead. You treated them equally.
Moving forward just keep in mind that treating your kids equally may not be treating them fairly and vice-versa.
By allowing your son to go, but daughter not to, you treated your kids fairly.
That's a sign of good parenting.
Don't make it a comparison between the two kids. When dealing with a child make it solely about that child. Don't say son is able to do this but you can't. Instead say that you did not do the expected task. (All she will hear is that you are letting son do something if you don't.)
Try asking your daughter what you can do to help her get her school work done.
Does she need more structure? (Help her create a schedule that works for her, be sure to highlight and allow breaks.)
Does she need more motivation? (As soon as she gets an assignment done she gets a 15 minute social media break. As soon as she's done for the day she gets an hour of uninterrupted screen time. If she gets all her assignments done at the end of the week then she can have a later bedtime on Friday night, or whatever an appropriate reward. The goal is to set easy to attain goals with instant rewards.)
Does she need help? (If you can't help her, encourage her to reach out to her teacher.)
Does she need more freedom? (Not working at the kitchen table, or working outside, a different place in the house to work on each subject. Getting to pick which order to due her assignments. Starting later in the morning. Staying up a bit later. Going for a quick 15 minute walk before starting. Set aside one minute every day that she can scream and curse and yell as loud as she wants with no judgment to help let out her frustration.)
You are doing right by your kids. It's hard to see when you are in the thick of it.
If she is being particularly difficult and getting worse, encourage her to communicate with you. Ask her one thing that you do that you that she doesn't like. Then ask her one thing that you do that she does like. If she's uncomfortable talking, create a private notebook where she can write her responses. She can ask difficult or embarrassing questions without judgment as well. Break the ice by telling her a story from your teenage experience where you thought your parents were being unfair and how you think about it now. ###### |
Recently, my little sister(10F) has been getting into Minecraft, she has played it at her school as well as on my computer a couple of times which she seems to enjoy, which is fine. However I(18M) am also into the game as I have played it ever since I was 11 and just earlier today she has been begging my parents to get the game for her, but they think that she can play on my account without checking in with me first to see if I’m fine with it.
So I get called downstairs and mom tells me to log into my account, I ask “Why?” and she tells me it’s so that she can play the game. I ask “Can’t you buy the game for her?” and she replies with “Well, you’re an adult, you shouldn’t be playing it anyway” (I recently celebrated my 18th birthday) so I ask “why can’t you just buy the game for her?” and she says it’s because she doesn’t want to spend that much money (the game is 26.95 USD, I feel that it’s important to mention that she bought a stable for her horse for about $9000)
I tell her “well, she can play the demo version to see if she likes it or not” so she has downloaded the demo version now and this is pretty much where we’re at now.
I don’t want to just give away my account as I still play the game, AITA? ###### | NTA Minetest is also an option. Making you lend your account is not. And most gamers are adults. And if she has money to spend on a horse, then she has plenty of money to spend on a cheap game. Mom shouldn't be cheap like that.
[Give her this and tell her it's Minecraft, but free.](https://www.minetest.net/) ###### |
The bride and groom have no issue, no dad (who is in church leadership, has no issue. Only my mother, who is the church secretary has an issue with me bringing my service dog, Cain, to the wedding, "because the church has carpeting and leadership won't like it".
She sent me a text saying "What are you going to do with Kain during the wedding? You can't bring him in the church". A long, drawn out phone call (because she kept yelling and I kept hanging up) and finally I called my dad, and asked him to talk to church leadership about bringing him.
She's never been very supportive and has a way of dismissing my diagnoses as "just my depression" or I'm "overreacting". She has also been acting as if Cain is just a very expensive pet, not a medical working dog. He's mobility service dog for my agrresive uncontrolled Rheumatoid Arthritis, Spondyloarthropy, Fibromyalgia and balance issues.
AITA? ###### | NTA maybe you should remind your mom of the patriot saint of animals! Ffs the dogs name is Cain bet your moms name isn’t in the bible. She is not a very smart woman and just wants drama. Your mom is tah! ###### |
I have both BRCA alleles (was tested by a genetic counsellor several years ago) meaning I will most likely die of breast or ovarian cancer by age 60. I have dealt with many surgeries as well as radio therapy throughout my life relating to this; I am currently dealing with cervical dysplasia (pre-cancerous growths in 2/3 of my cervix.)
My best friend recently started dating a man who lied about having testicular cancer. Shortly after saying this and meeting me, as I offered to take him to a support group session, he admitted to lying about having cancer and only wanted the attention. He laughed it off as if it were a joke and never apologized. I never saw him again. The fact she is with someone like this makes me sick.
So today I called her not knowing she was with him, and when she picked up and I saw were together, something came over me and I asked “hey ____, why are you so sick in the head that you lied about having cancer? I want you to know you are the absolute scum of the earth and there’s a special spot waiting in hell for you” then hung up.
So.... am I the asshole? ###### | NTA lying about having an illness is sociopath behavior. Like no really, look it up in the DSM. Please make sure your friend is safe ###### |
I live with three roommates, were supposed to split bills four ways. Not my ideal living situation but I was unexpectedly moving after a breakup.
One of my roommates, Lucy, has not paid her share of the electric bill in months, she says she just hasn't gotten around to setting up the service (venmo) we all use to pay our shares to me, so I can pay the bill.
Every time I ask for money, she has an excuse. She can't set up venmo, since her phone is dying. She doesn't have cash on her. She can't write me a check because she doesn't have a checkbook. She says she has the money and will get around to sending it.
Last week, I was going to the grocery store and doing some other errands and I asked if anyone wanted a lift for errands. Two of my roommates, Lucy and Anne, said yes.
On the errand run, I had an idea. I know which bank Lucy uses, I saw she had her bank card on her at the store. And wed be coming up by one of their branches. I pulled into the ATM drive through lane and said "Lucy, while we're here, could you get us the $330 you owe for utilities?"
She was like "did you come here just for this?" And I said yeah, I need the money for utilities this month and the last few months.
She got mad at me for tricking her, and I said I wasn't planning it or anything, I was just driving by the bank and remembered she needed to go to the bank to get me utilities money.
The cars behind us started honking and getting impatient and Anne was saying to just withdraw the money so we could go. Because it seemed like OP wasn't going till she did.
Lucy did, and we went home. But later, she got really mad at me and Anne, saying the way we'd pushed her for money at the atm was practically like a robbery.
I feel like it wasn't, like there were no threats or anything.
AITA for tricking my roommate to going to the ATM to get utilitiy money she owed us? ###### | NTA Lucy is an adult and needs to grow up and pay her share of the bills. You did put pressure on her but like... you shouldn't have had to do that at all? ###### |
My boyfriend picked up chess recently. I have been a chess player all my life. Now my boyfriend isn't very good but he is improving.
We played a 10+0 rapid game online just like an hour ago and he absolutely destroyed me. Very suspicious. He was celebrating but I decided to check the analysis and it was 1-0-0. Basically he made 1 inaccuracy and zero mistakes or blunders during the game. He also somehow knew the mainline najdorf(a chess opening) quite deep. He might just have studied it but I personally find it very unlikely. I asked my bf if he cheated and he got very defensive and upset and said I should have some trust in him. I said I am not buying this, the najdorf is one of the sharpest openings in all of chess and its hard for GMs to get 1-0-0. He called me bitch and ended the call.
Aita? ###### | NTA lol, I had a roommate who used to cheat at scrabble to get 9 letter words pretty much every turn. (They would have to use the bathroom, or go grab something from the kitchen, etc...)
Not the end of the world, but so annoying! ###### |
My wife has been asking me to get things for her upstairs multiple times a day for the past several months. This morning she asked me to get something from our room (she was not busy and could have done it herself) and I asked why she never got things herself but was always asking me to do it. I asked her if she was "allergic to stairs," which I thought was kind of funny but she thought was pretty rude. FWIW my 7 year old thought it was hilarious.
AITA? ###### | NTA lol, hope this is the biggest issue in your marriage ###### |
So hi Reddit, I already people are gonna hate on me for this and yeah but let's just get to the backstory of the story (and yes I'm on a throwaway).
So I'm 15 and ESS (entitled step-sister) is 10, ESM (Entitled stepmom).
So my little sister loves playing basketball and I was visiting my dad the other day (they live close by, not too far). My little sister has such an attitude that all the other entitled children would cower in fear when she gets to them, she expects everything to be done for her and ONLY for her, she loves making snarky and harsh comments but hates constructive criticisms and hates losing.
That's Where I come in, see in a fat tall kid, not that fit, but I'm tall enough to where I can hold the ball high enough so she cant get it, whenever we play basketball I let her win because I don't wanna deal with a brat crying and ESM raging at me after. So during the visit my ESS wanted to play basketball and gave the usual " I'm gonna beat you so bad you're gonna cry and cry" and me not dealing with this stuff anymore said "sure" with a smirk on my face. we usually go to 20 points (10 baskets) but today I wanted to finally win so I said " I'll do 20 to win and you do 10 baskets okay?" and she lit up thinking she could win again.
Long story short I beat her 40-2
She ran inside and started to cry and ESM came outside and yelled at me until I just told her to shut up and told my dad what really happened, he was on my side but my ESM says that I'm an asshole
​
So Reddit AITA ###### | NTA lol you played the game and you won. That's all there is to it. If anything, if you would have let her win because you didn't want to deal with her bad behavior then you would be TA, because you would be letting her think that she would get away with everything and she would stay entitled. But you didn't do that thankfully, so you are NTA. ###### |
(On mobile so apologies for spelling and formatting)
I (19F ) have nipple piercings. I keep a simple barbell in them, nothing overly fancy or protruding. Once online classes started I stopped wearing a bra to online lectures. I figure my boobs are stable enough (they don’t really move on their own) and they probably won’t be in frame so what’s the big deal. I don’t wear tight or revealing clothing, just baggy-full sized non-cropped tees or hoodies.
The only class that I have the camera on for regularly is my 30 person advanced math proofs class. Friday, my cat knocked over my camera for less than a minute before I noticed. My piercings were outlined by the drapes (?) of my baggy shirt, but only if you know what you are looking for. I quickly fixed my camera and thought nothing better of it.
After class, my professor emailed me and asked me to “please dress more appropriately for class in the future” and that “my very obvious nipple piercings were distracting while he was trying to teach”. I honestly think this is a.) creepy af and b.) a big ask. Like I’m 600 miles from you, it was a brief thing, and my nipples were not even out. I was fully covered in a baggy, opaque black t-shirt.
I haven’t responded because I want to know if I was being the asshole by not wearing a bra. So Reddit, AITA for not wearing a bra to online lecture?
ETA: if it matters, which I think it did to him, I am the only woman out of this class of 30 ###### | NTA lol ur prof sounds like a creep and u should complain to higher staff and say old dude is staring at ur titties and emailing u about it tell u ur distracting and how to dress. Like wow he's a prof with the attention span of a horny 13 yr old. Yuck. ###### |
So I am a 16 year old male who is half white half Japanese. My dad was scouted to be a English teacher in Japan where he met my mom which they had 2 girls and then moved back to Canada and had me. I have dual citizenship for japan and Canada I can go to either freely. Not counting this year but every march we would spend in japan with my moms family. Today I was in a discord call with people I have never met before and one of them was a straight up otaku (nice way to day weeb) I then said oh you speak Japanese and he said yes so I just rambled off a sentence in Japanese because I was excited it's not every day I get to speak Japanese to people who arent my family. And this guy giggles and says my Japanese "needs some work" which I then told him in Japanese my history with the language which he responded in Japanese with and me being upset about the first comment completely dissected what he said and pointed out all of the flaws in his grammar or structuring. Which he said in English knit pick much? I said I'm only doing what you are doing. Then he went silent and the topic changed. AITA? ###### | Nta lol more or less seems like a weird thing to do to a native speaker
Like was he speaking formal?? Cause I could maybe see a non native speaker of a language not getting slang and such ###### |
This is a throwaway account and I sincerely tried to word this correct.
Last year I got really sick and I lost a lot of weight, resulting with me on TPN and a feeding tube. I get 100% of my nutrition from both of these lines. I had to move back home and my mom became qualified to be my caregiver and she is being paid for helping me. When I get eat I get sick 100% of the time but I still want to be able to eat and taste food, and my doctor encourages eating so that I can maintain some function. My doctor knows I get sick and still expects me to eat and I want to eat so I do. My mother thinks I'm selfish because shes my caregiver and she knows I'll just get sick if I eat, which is more stress and anxiety for her. I talked to her over it and I told her that the majority of the time when I get sick I dont make any mess, and if I do I clean it up. She said that it's more than that because when I'm sick it adds a bunch of stress to the family because they are worrying about me instead of doing their own business. I genuinely feel bad about that but also I'm hungry. My TPN and tube bypasses my stomach so I dont get any satisfaction or fullness and I really miss food. My mom thinks I'm TAH for adding extra stress and I dont mean to be. I want to eat without it affecting anyone else but because that's impossible AITA ###### | NTA listen to your doctor. Your mother isn't an AH for being worried about you, but she she sucks for trying to guilt you into not doing something the doc recommended, especially since you're the one doing the cleaning up. ###### |
I was scrolling through the hub, when I saw this video that caught my attention. When I clicked on the video and saw the face, I was surprised. This person looked exactly like my friend from university. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions because it would be mad weird if I came up to her and said I saw her in this video and it wasn’t her. So, I wanted to make sure. I looked at photos of my friend and it was a legit match, there is no way that it is not her. Same everything. Key features that my friend has, that the girl in the video has. As she is my friend, I know she would never post something like this on the internet. Plus, from prior conversations, I know she is not dating the dude that was in the video. I looked at the profile that posted it and it looks like the guy is posting all his escapades for the world to see. Knowing her background and career goals, if this video were to spread, it could cause some serious problems for her in the future. I would feel gutted knowing that I could at least said something. I rather be safe than sorry. I talked to my cousin that doesn’t know her and asked for some advice because I want to have a sit down conversation with her. My cousin said I would be an Asshole because I’m putting myself into business that isn’t mine. My cousin says I should just leave it alone. I can agree that it comes off as weird. However, with all the stories I hear with people having “revenge videos” leaked of them, I don’t feel comfortable sitting by knowing this could happen to my friend. What should I do? Am I the Asshole? Thank you for the advice.
TLDR: Found a video of my friend “doing the do” on the internet. Cousin says I’m an Asshole if I let her know. I just want to make sure my friend is protected. ###### | NTA let her know, and let her know that she can file with Pornhub to have the video removed under revenge porn laws. ###### |
I was having a conversation with a friend yesterday, and we were talking about what things we look for in a partner. She asked me if there were any things that would be dealbreakers for me, and I said smoking. My mom is a smoker and I have always hated it. Everything in our house smells like smoke and it's gross (and never goes away no matter how many times you wash your clothes/blankets), plus it gives me headaches all the time. I don't care if people smoke, that's their business, but I would NOT want to live with a smoker again and it would definitely be a dealbreaker in a relationship.
Now my friend is pissed at me because she used to smoke (I didn't know that) and she says I'm basically saying that I think she's gross and wouldn't have been friends with her if I knew she smoked. Which isn't even true, as I have other friends who smoke and it's fine. I just wouldn't want to LIVE with them. But my friend when and told all the rest of our friend group, and they're all angry at me! I tried to explain better, but they won't hear it. AITA? ###### | NTA kissing a smoker is gross. Sitting in the same room as a smoker is gross. Ash trays are gross. Listening to someone with smoker's cough is grating. Waiting for people to finish their smoke sucks. Being asked to stop and pick up a $10 pack of cigarettes is annoying.
Smokers and cigarettes are a deal breaker for me too. ###### |
My sister-in-law is high risk immunosuppressed, shes been told to limit social contact for 12 weeks (8wks left) but shes been nipping to the shop etc.
Today shes invited herself and her 6 year old daughter over to our garden for a social distance cuppa. This would be fine if it wasn't for the 6 year old being incredibly naughty.
I have an 8mo and a 3yo, I dont want them playing with my niece, if not for their own safety for the safety of my sister in law. But idk how to social distance kids. Especially ones that aren't mine and wont listen. My wife disagrees and says I'm being irrational, theres no way to stop my sister in law coming over and "shes been stuck inside and wants fresh air".
I dont get it. Am I overreacting? AmItheAsshole? ###### | NTA kids are massive disease vectors, keep them separated as much as you can ###### |
This happened tonight on reddit lol so it's still fresh and I'm heated and annoyed. I am a high school senior trying to choose between colleges. I made a reddit post tonight on one of the college's subs. A professor commented on my post and that's the part that went downhill...
Prof: What's better - going to a more prestigious school but not graduating in Engineering or going to a good school and graduating in Engineering?
Me: If I'm going to struggle in Engineering, wouldn't it be better to go to the better school? "I know ivy league colleges have higher graduation rates overall so it seems like that's a safer bet in case I can't make it in Engineering"
Prof: Highights the quoted part above and replies "Not sure where you came up with that. The available stats suggest the opposite"
Then basically it devolves into me asking for that data and the professor either ignoring me or giving me irrelevant data that doesn't back up that claim. I then made a post directly asking if they were just ignoring my request for data when they said "the available stats suggest the opposite". They then replied that they did not say that.
So I looked back and they edited their post to say "Not sure where you came up with that. Is it college specific?". Luckily another user sent me screenshots so I have proof they edited their post.
I just asked for a professor to be professional and address the claim they made, but instead, they edited their post and act like I'm being unreasonable. It's infuriating because I thought I was being somewhat respectful to an extent, asking the professor for the data and giving an opportunity to prove their point. Anyway, I know it's petty but WIBTA if I made a post on that sub (if allowed) to see if they'll hold their professor accountable or if they will just be professional? ###### | NTA Keep em accountable ###### |
I'm a 13M I have a twin sister 13F (comes into context later) our mom had us when she was 15 years old and our dad was 17. My mom is now 28 and my dad is 30. When we were born our dad signed over all the the custody to our mom. When my dad turned 19 and we were 2 he was basically non existent in our lives. 2 days after our 9th birthday our grandma on our dads side contacts our mom begging to get to see us. So we go on a vist with our mom there and bam there is dad. From 9 to 11 was basically redo of a custody battle that was already over at birth. Now we are 13 our mom and dad hate each other but they try to get along for us and our dad takes us out to do stuff every Sunday. With lockdown happening that wasnt possible so we would face time and stuff. Today during the face time season he told us that he is going to get a tattoo on his left side that says "jazmin, jordi [last name here] 03 - 20 - 2007" now as much as I appreciate the sentiment I am extremely uncomfortable with this. But I also feel bad because he has been on record saying how much it hurts us we dont have his last name and he is getting our legal last names tattooed on him if he goes through with this. My father is in a lot better place then he was when we were 9. He has a steady job he can live off of and everything. I'm not saying he might regret it later. I just think it's a bad idea overall. Would I be the asshole if I bring that up? ###### | NTA just speak to him and explain that you would feel uncomfo with the tattoo, it seems like he thinks a big gesture like this will make up for him not being around but I'd just 2explain that making memories going forward is more important than a tattoo...that's if you want to spend time with him obviously. ###### |
So, where I live, the one exam which determines if you can go to university will be taken in a few days. I collected every worksheet, every texts, judt everything over the last 3 years bc the teachers said this could all be important for this particular exam. I gave my friends permission to use everything I collected to prepare, but now everyone wants a piece from the cake. Normally I don‘t have a problem with this, but 3 people, who bullied me over my sexuality and my appearance in the past, now also want access to it. AITA For refusing to give them access? ###### | NTA just because you were a diligent student and kept documents to help you study doesn't guarantee everyone gets to benefit from your effort. It's like taking notes in class and someone demanding you share your notes. You keep doing what you're doing. ###### |
There’s a lot going on here but I’ll keep it as short as possible. My husband and I live fairly close to his parents (like 15 min) and his brother who has severe intellectual disabilities at age 36.
My husband is a doctor and with the pandemic we’ve decided to live apart for the time being so he doesn’t have to worry about accidentally infecting me. So now I’ve moved in with my in laws and his brother.
I love his in laws like my own parents. His brother, however, is another story. He’s disabled but he has an incredibly foul mouth and very offensive opinions that he’s formed from years surfing deep corners of the internet.
But he’s disabled and is not all there sometimes, so I do my best to help out and keep my mouth shut. Last Saturday I was going on a walk with him (daily exercise) when we were walking past this big grocery store parking lot. We see a dad and son loading groceries into their car and my BIL started yelling racial insults at them (they were Asian).
I was horrified and I tried pulling him away. But it was heartbreaking seeing the look on the little boy’s face and the exhausted/defeated expression on his dad’s face as they drove away. I was so angry that night I called my husband and basically told him I will rent a hotel room myself because I can’t stand another minute in the same house as his brother.
It’s been a week and my husband has told me he can’t sleep because he’s so upset over what I told him. I admit I used harsh words and fully laid out my feelings to him. He said he still loves his brother and can’t stand the thought of us never getting along. AITA for telling him directly how I felt about this brother? I’m wondering if I should’ve just kept it to myself. ###### | NTA just because someone suffers a disability or illness it doesn't mean you have to accept their behaviour. The brother may not understand what's wrong or offensive or why, I don't know the details obviously, but that doesn't mean you have to put yourself in that situation nor gloss over it just because it is a disability or illness.
You have your boundaries and feelings and you're entitled to them.
It's a shitty situation given the details but you have to look out for you. I understand for your partner it's not great to hear and understandably he would love you to get along but he needs to understand that somethings are unacceptable even given the circumstances. What that man and child were subjected to was not fair and your partner can't ignore it as a reason for anything.
You don't have to be friends or like the brother but if you're willing to be civil and such explain that to your partner. ###### |
So I (M27) lived in a smallish town for most of my childhood and teen years and the people you go to school with in kindergarten are pretty much the same people you spend the next 13-14 years with at school. Well one of the kids I went to school with that entire time bullied me both socially and physically to the point he actually put me in the hospital once and generally just made my life hell every chance he got. After I graduated I left town and hadn't gone back in some time. Recently I went back to spend some time with a lifelong friend since things there had opened back up due to COVID and while we were at a bar we ran into him. He recognized me and approached me and after talking for a bit he apologized for how he bullied me and I rejected it flat out telling him he made my life hell for 14 years an apology in a bar just doesnt cut it. Everyone was then mad at me for not accepting it since hes well liked around town and is seen a nice guy. I will admit he wasn't rude and seemed like he really meant it but I just cant get past everything he did to me. Am I the asshole for rejecting his apology? ###### | NTA just because someone offers an apology doesn't mean that you have to accept it. He may be a different person now, but that doesn't change what happened. ###### |
FYI, I come from northern India, and do not look like the stereotypical Indian in western media. Indians come in all shapes and sizes. My friend is presumed to be chinese but he is from North East India!
About two months ago, I stopped a couple of people from sexually harassing a woman on my way to get groceries and walked her home. No big deal, it's the least I could do. Said woman found me attractive and asked me out for netflix and chill since we live in the same dorm. I found her attractive, I said yes.
Relationship was going really smoothly for the most part, we even said I love you to each other. She randomly asks me where my accent is from, and I tell her it's kind of a mixture because I grew up in India but went to summer school in Chile. She looks at me and tells me she is kind of shocked because I didn't 'look' Indian. Then she asks me if I am hiding any creepy behavior from her. At first I thought she was joking, but turns out she was pretty serious. I tell her she has no reason to doubt me, and I am also kind of hurt since she knows that I was willing to risk my life for her the first time she met, and now she is doubting me inspite of all the experiences we have had because I am Indian.
I decide to not bring up the matter again but I came to know that she dmed 2 of my close female friends, and asked them if I ever showed any problematic behavior, and they obviously seemed very confused by the whole thing. She REPEATEDLY asked them to recollect any instance, which was alarming to me. So I confronted her about it through text, and told her she was being incredibly shallow and hurtful.
I am genuinely confused by the whole thing. I really cannot see where she is coming from, so I thought asking you guys might help.
Have a wonderful day and stay strong through the virus. I am good at math, feel free to pm me your high school calc questions(only half joking) ###### | NTA Jesus. She IS being incredibly racist, and you need to run, my dude. Run fast and run far. ###### |
So my background was a picture of a dog that said "what the FUCK is oatmeal" by the way my background is one behind either a fingerprint, a 15 digit code, or a face lock so to see my background you would have to look over my shoulder whick is exactly what my stepsister did and then snitched about to my father who demanded I change it because it was "traumatizing and a bad influence for her (she's 10) (just for info I'm allowed to swear but they aren't) so my dad's pissed off at me and giving me the silent treatment because I changed it to a inspirobot quote that said "spy on individuals you don't know.
So AITA
EDIT: changed the background to chesquick (cheese milk) ###### | NTA its your phone background, you can set it to be whatever you want, and you have a perfectly reasonable expectation of privacy here. Your dad should work on not raising a snoop and a narc. ###### |
In high school (who am I kidding all of school) I was a huge nerd. GPA had to be 4.0 or I felt sick so I obviously studied a lot. I sacrificed countless hours I could have spent having fun and hanging out with friends to get good grades. So in 9th grade biology we had a test I had studied hours and hours for cuz I wasn't sure on the material and it counted for 40% of our grade. So day of the test comes and the teacher passes it out. We had to cut out strips of paper with descriptions of I think cells and glue them in the right box. (Dont ask my why in 9th grade we were cutting out colored paper like we were in prek) so I cut all mine out and I'm excited. I know them all! So I start lining em up on the paper. I look up and notice the guy across from me (our desks faced each other) was copying me! Like not glancing over because he wasn't sure on one thing but copying my entire test. I was livid! So I quickly rearranged all my strips to the wrong boxes and he does the same. As soon as he turns his paper in I rearranged mine to the correct answers, glued them down and turned my test in. When she returned our tests I got 100% and he got.....0% The look on his face. Priceless. He just kept looking at my test then down at his. Neither of us ever mentioned it. So was I the asshole? ###### | NTA its his fault for cheating, you just taught him a lesson. ###### |
This relates to an online marketplace for guitars. Last December I was selling a guitar of mine for just about $6,000 which someone bought. I had to ship it to them. I made sure to document my packaging (a dozen or so photos in varying states of packed) as well as I took a photo of me dropping it off at the PO. I've been buying and selling and shipping guitars online for ten-ish years at this point and I do this for every guitar I ship. I shipped it out, I got my money, and I thought this was the end of it.
Two weeks go by and the buyer says he didn't receive the guitar. Tracking says it was delivered. They contact the marketplace site and try to get the situation mediated. I was told it's my responsibility to ensure delivery. I call the courier, they confirm it was delivered (they even have a photo of the courier dropping it off). I thought this was the end of it, but nope.
The courier said if the buyer didn't have it, it was porch pirated. Despite paying $300 extra for the full $6000 insurance, they won't pony up. Said it's out of their control. At this point the marketplace said I needed to refund the buyer and eat the cost.
This seemed so fishy to me. If it was indeed porch pirated, then the courier should pay for it. But there's no proof: the buyer could have got it and just wants their money, too. It seemed they were beginning the process of automatically taking the money out of my account, so I went to the bank and closed that account, withdrawing all my money. I switched banks and washed my hands of it.
Was I the asshole here? If it truly was porch pirated, I feel for the buyer but this wasn't my fault. Nowhere in the marketplace policy guide does it mention porch pirates, nor does the courier's website. Friends of mine have said this is the cost of doing business and I should have ate the cost. I told many of them to eat shit. ###### | NTA its a scam and he wanted the guitar for free. Its a very popular scam nowadays ###### |
I start this by acknowledging there are far far greater issues in the world than a bean bag. However, this is my predicament.
I (21F) have a really large fluffy bean bag that was gifted to me by my parents and as it’s so large it stays in the sitting room. It’s really nice and comfy and guests enjoy sitting on it and that’s all fine, the issue comes with one contingent of my family.
My aunt and uncle have a child (4F) who is there miracle child and as a result of this boundaries are not a thing at all. It is near impossible to tell this child no as her parents do not use the word. Her parents (my aunt and uncle) are also crap with boundaries and usually just attempt to walk over anyone else. On their last visit food/drink was split on the bean bag which they didn’t clean up making the damage worse. It was fine, everything was cleaned up and went back to normal after they left. Myself and my parents are thinking of implementing a ‘no food or drink on or near the bean bag policy’ however I am dubious as to the affect of this policy as like I said boundaries seemingly don’t exist. So I want to move the bean bag to my room for the week they are visiting.
I don’t blame the child; she’s 4, highly energetic and spoilt which isn’t her fault. Also she’s a kid and accidents happen. However given the that boundaries are hard to implement with these three WIBTA if I moved the bean bag or am I being a selfish 21 year old who clearly needs to worry about larger problems. Like I said I appreciate this is a very non vital problem. ###### | NTA it’s yours you’re allowed to want it to stay nice and not want kids crawling on it. ###### |
This happened last year and I only just found this subreddit. Also first ever post so go easy on me.
Last year one of my colleagues got diagnosed with testicular cancer and needed to go through chemo.
Chemotherapy makes all of your hair fall out in clumps and eventually you wind up bald. Some of my colleagues, both male and female, decided to shave themselves bald to show support.
However, I hardly know this colleague (I had only been with the company 2 months) so while I expressed my support and hope he pulls through, I wouldn't be shaving my head.
When shaving-day came around, both the colleague and a few others that had shaved themselves expressed they were hurt I hadn't shaved bald and asked what was up.
I said I still absolutely support him in every way, but I'm just not shaving myself bald. He seemed offended and the now bald gang said I was being a dick and I might as well laugh in his face. When I asked how come they aren't giving some of the others the same lecture, apparently it was because they were women and "needed" the long hair.
I'm almost certain I am in the right and they're being unreasonable, but I need a sanity check. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA it’s weird they are shaming you - IMO you could be his best friend in the entire world and you still wouldn’t be the AH for not shaving your head.
As long as you’re being sensitive and supportive you’re not in the wrong. If it bothers you maybe talk to the guy privately and let him know you’re there if he needs support but you’re not shaving your head. ###### |
My gf and I live in a 600+ sq ft apartment on a bottom floor with 2 cats. Quite recently, my gf had to make the decision to put down her dog due to liver failure. It was very fast and sudden, because we went in for a upset stomach and expected medication, not a lack of dog.
She immediatly started looking for another dog to adopt. I completly understand this, because getting another dog is part if the grieving process. However, this is where I wonder if I'm the asshole: I told her no.
My gf likes a "beagle/hound" mix that isn't fully housetrained and used to be abused, so the world is still scary for them. I'm very hesitant on getting a dog, because for our last dog, a lot of the walking/training resposibilities fell on me. I would get guilt-tripped into taking the dog out for walks by myself, while my gf would NEED me to be with her. I don't have the patience for dogs and while I like them, I'm more of a cat person anyways. I'm not ready for more financial costs and the emotional/physical responsibility of another adult dog that has problems. We're gone 9 hours a day and we can't always afford dog walking/sitting. However, its really hard to see my gf go through something like this. ###### | NTA It’s very soon after the death of her last dog, and you also live in that apartment so you have a say. It’s gonna feel like you’re the asshole for a while, but I do think you guys should sleep in getting a new animal so that she can grieve fully. I just had my family dog die of cancer a couple weeks ago so I get it. ###### |
My(F22) grandma used to make gorgeous patchwork blankets, and anyone who has made one will know how much time and skill goes into them. As a going away present for university (4years ago) my grandma made and gifted me a massive double sized one, and I love it! Unfortunately arthritis runs in my family and making something this intense really took a toll on my grandma, in addition to my grandma getting cataracts, so she has said she will no longer be making anything.
This has proved true over the last 4 years as my grandma has stuck to her guns and not made anything more.
Fast forward to me coming home from uni and my mum seeing the blanket for the first time in 4 years. She has now suggested that it isn't fair that my younger brother (M17) won't receive one and that I SHOULD CUT MINE IN HALF to give him some.
Because of the shape of the blanket it wouldn't even be that simple, I'd have to detach all the squares and rearrange them into two functional shaped single blankets. I know that I could do this, as I have made a point to start learning the skills my grandma had, but WIBTA if I refuse? I might be tempted if my brother was really sad but he has never mentioned that he even likes the blanket!
TL; DR
My grandma made me a blanket, and it was the last thing she made. Mum wants me to cut it on half so my younger brother gets some. ###### | NTA it’s unfortunate that your grandma can’t make them anymore, but I don’t think you should destroy an heirloom to placate your mother. It was a gift, given to you. ###### |
this happened in February. im 20 years old and in early feb I started having really bad cramps and was spotting. (my period is usually irregular and can hurt, but this was bad). after a day of suffering and my flow getting heavier by bf took me to the ER and called my mom and stepdad. the doctors confirmed i was miscarrying and told me i was around 11 wks and the remaining tissue was removed. my mom found out about the miscarriage and was really sympathetic because she'd had a lot of trouble getting/staying pregnant in the past. but my boyfriend and I don't want kids yet, and we actually have money saved in case we needed an abortion.
so now my mom, step dad, sisters, bf's mom and dad, and grandmother all know about it (idk who told who) they were all very sad and told me how its okay to grieve and mourn, but i wouldnt have kept it anyways, so now i just feel bad about making everyone else feel bad. my mom and stepdad paid for the hospital bills, and my bf's mom even told me a story of her own miscarriage and how hard it was for her.
my mom is esp upset that her "first" grandchild was lost and has been babying me when she can. i dont have the heart to tell them i dont want kids and was gonna get rid of it anyways, and that im relieved not sad. no one but my boyfriend knows about the abortion plans. even like three months later I still have people asking if im okay (mostly my mom). it just makes me feel guilty
im also kinda upset at my bf, cause if he hadnt called my mom she wouldnt know about the pregnancy at all. i get why he did it but still.
aita for being dishonest? ###### | NTA it’s ok to mourn an abortion too. Just because you’re not ready for a child, or not in a place to continue a pregnancy, or don’t want a baby, that doesn’t mean you can’t experience the emotions that come with maki g that choice. If you’re not grieving, that’s ok too. But you don’t have to tell yourself that you don’t deserve their sympathy. ###### |
I know the title sounds absolutely ridiculous and to be honest the situation is actually ridiculous so I’ll try my best to explain.
Me, my sister and her boyfriend are currently renting a house together, we all do our part and we all equally pay the rent.
The house we are renting has a fucking massive backyard.
Well one day, I was sat in the yard drinking my coffee when I had an epiphany.
I want to order a bouncy castle for my 21st birthday in a couple days time.
Yes I’ll be 21 and yes it is incredibly childish of me but god dammit we’re in quarantine and I want to do nothing more than get drunk hop on a bouncy castle and jump to my hearts content.
I am a massive fucking child I know.
I told my sister about the idea and she’s completely against the idea. She told me that it’s immature and the only person who will get enjoyment out of my birthday will be me and that her and her boyfriend won’t enjoy it
I know for a fact that her boyfriend would love it and she’s a god dam liar.
But every time I look into the garden, all I see is the potential it has to have a wicked bouncy castle in it. My sister also claims that I’ll be embarrassing myself to the neighbours when they look out the window and see a 21 year old girl having the time of her life on a bouncy castle.
Money also isn’t an issue either and we are all thankful to have jobs and I do have the money to spare.
So, will I be the asshole if I go ahead and live my bouncy castle dreams? ###### | NTA it’s not hurting anybody. Bounce away. ###### |
This happened when I was 14 in 2001, but it comes up sometimes.
I was living with my parents and brother, we were pretty broke so we never got gifts.
For my brothers birthday he was giving a CD player/radio boom box thing for his room. For him that meant entertainment and fun and mind expansion etc.
For my birthday I was given an electric razor to shave my legs outside of the shower with no water. My parents said I wasted way too much water shaving and now I was not allowed to shave in the shower ever again. This was my only gift and I was upset and said I’d rather have a gift that stimulated my mind, something I could enjoy, like my brother got.
It ended up in both of them yelling at me and calling me selfish and saying to be grateful I got anything. I said they were sexists and I got grounded.
Discussing this the other day my parents still maintain that I was being a jerk. AITA? ###### | NTA It’s not even that it was sexist, it wasn’t even a gift. I was personal grooming equipment to save them money. It’s one thing if they got that for you when they bought you other personal hygiene stuff but it was not what the spirit of a gift should be. ###### |
So at my job me and “Cindy” have been friends throughout university & when we graduated we both went to this company and have been here for a couple years now. I’m now 27m and she’s 28f and has been in a long term relationship for about 7 years. Her BF “Tim” was a good buddy of mine and we still hang out from time to time. Anyways so their 7th anniversary is today. Cindy’s been excited because she’s been sure that Tim’s gonna propose to her tonight. She was telling the office that he booked dinner at a suuuuper upscale restaurant in our city and some other fun things as well.
I was mentioning this to my GF when I got home and then I was like Tim better propose tonight cause she’s been looking forward to it for SO long. My GF just gave a weird look and didn’t respond. Then later on, Cindy was sending messages in our work group chat and she was saying that she had already gotten drunk and if he proposes then she’ll just be a blubbering mess and won’t even be able to say yes. I started laughing and then my girlfriend asked whats up and I was telling her then she interrupted me and said it’s a bit strange that I’m so invested in their relationship. I said that’s an exaggeration, I have no emotional or otherwise stake in that relationship but I think they’re a great pair and should get married because I know for a fact that both of them want to.
Anyways I tried to explain this to her and she wouldn’t budge on the matter. She’s iced me out for the rest of the day so I just left and went back to my place. AITA? ###### | NTA it’s normal to get excited for someone else’s proposal. she’s overreacting ###### |
This is more of an “Are *We* The Assholes”, because I’m speaking for everyone participating minus the friend in question.
We’re currently in the early stages of planning our trip to Japan for next year (fingers crossed things are safe enough by then). This will be our second group trip to Japan, the first one being last year (which the friend in question chose not to come on, and even openly doubted that we’d be capable of successfully organizing it).
Anyway, now that the planning stage is upon us again, he’s decided that he wants to come this time, and took the liberty of inviting his girlfriend along without consulting any of us first.
This left pretty much all of us with a sour taste; not because we don’t like his girlfriend’s company, but because, like the last trip obviously was, this trip was also conceptualized as a guys trip. So today I volunteered to be the one to speak up about it to him, and he’s not taking it so smoothly.
I tried not to be blatantly confrontational; I said that although this was meant to be a guys trip, we still don’t want to tell anyone they can’t come. So we want to try and find a middle ground, and we think that there should be another Airbnb separate from the guys Airbnb so that everyone’s comfortable. And that we can still plan our outings together etc.
He doesn’t seem to understand that what he wants to do conflicts with our collective intention of having a guys trip, and has objected to all our reasoning. I feel like we’re not in the wrong at the end of the day, but I’m trying to keep an open mind to different perspectives in case there’s somehow something that I’m missing here. Thanks for your time ###### | NTA it’s a GUYS trip. As a women myself if I planed a girls trip I wouldn’t want bfs or husband around either, because that defeats the purpose. I hate to sound sexist but for me PERSONALLY there are things I talk more in-depth with my girl friends than my partner. I assume that’s the same with guys. I sure know my bf talks to his friends especially his gamer friends differently than he talk to me. Your friend doesn’t seem to know how to take time away from his gf and it’s not a bad thing when it’s only his time but he’s forcing his gf on you guys which is not right. ###### |
So this isn't a big problem but both my mother and brother see me as an ass hole for not sharing my PlayStation with my older brother(22) who used to own his own playstation but sold it when he was stuck for money and every day when wake up he is playing it (shared room) and if I am on it and leave the room for 10minutes or more he goes on it and doesn't even ask not only that but he uses my account instead of his own because he stupidly bought things and won't make his own account because he already bought stuff
AITA!?? ###### | NTA it's yours and he is old enough to be working and get his own, he should also know that you ask before using someone else's property. ###### |
So me and my partner are getting married in August, and we have had RSVPs back from people who say they are coming and add a +1 to the invite, and I have trouble confronting people to tell them no...
But my real AITA grievance is my mother...
She randomly calls and tells me to add this cousin or that cousin because they are family...
A side of the family I have little to no contact with because after my father passed away (when I was 16) my mother upped and left me about 2 years later to deal with a broken house and no income while she went back to live with her parents.
So AITA here for telling her no and she can't just invite whoever she likes? ###### | NTA it's your wedding. It's super rude for people to just tack on a +1 when it's not on their invite. wtf D: ###### |
To be honest she is very lazy and does not train her dog or bring it outside. He shots and pees all over their house and she doesn’t care. She wants to bring the dog because she refuses to put it in a kennel. She asks all the time and makes up a sob story on why she needs to bring him. I told her If she started actually taking care of her dog that he could come. My friend told me I was an asshole for causing a family member to be inconvenienced and that I judged the way she cared for her dog. ###### | NTA it's your house, your rules. If she wants to bring her dog she's going to have to make sure it doesn't mess in your home. If not, she can leave it behind or have someone watch it. Just because it's her dog doesn't mean you have to cater to it. ###### |
I (23M) will be turning 24 this Wenesday and my gf (24F) of 3 years wanted to suprise me by taking me away to the outer banks this weekend for 1 day (leave after work thursday and come back friday night). This is a 3 hour trip one way and the weather is supposed to rain both days with a high chance. I called her today after she suprised me yesterday with the plans and told her with the virus still rampant and bad weather, that just wasn't how I wanted to spend my day off that i took for my birthday. This weekend i have to help her parents build a deck so this day off is honestly a short amount of time for me to celebrate which i honestly want to drink beer, play old school runescape and watch movies with her at home where it's safe. After telling her how thoughful the gift was i told her i wanted a raincheck for better conditions when we could really enjoy it, when restaurants reopened and nicer weather. She was hurt and said we still could've had fun and now i feel like AH. So AITA? ###### | NTA it's your birthday to spend as you wish.
However nobody should be out socialising right now, being around those outwith those they share a home with. Or helping their parents or partners parents, build a deck if they don't live there too, which is not at all essential contact... ###### |
Me (F) and my husband (M) are planning on getting married this August (fingers crossed we dont have to reschedule) and even with the circumstances are still planning it. Recently, I picked my bridal party, and so I face-timed my maid of honour (who will be my cousin) and my bridesmaids (2 close friends). I was originally hoping to include 2 of my other very close friends in the bridal party, but have since decided to exclude them.
The reason for this is they hate each other. They have never really been friends, and since weve been in high school (10 years ago!) they have not gotten along. They constantly talk bad about each other and can barely even be in the same room without getting in a screaming match.
Of course, I still want them to be at my wedding, as they are 2 of my closest friends. However, I decided not to include them in the bridal party because it calls for working so closely together and constantly being with each other. We have to go gown shopping, bridesmaid dress shopping, have my bachelorette party, actually be in the same room for hours on the day of my wedding, etc.
When I told them my reasoning they were understandably upset and they told me they would be able to keep it together. I want to trust them, but they have promised be before to keep it together (on birthdays) and have never been able to, I even have to have individual birthday lunches and dinners with them now instead of a party. I really think theyll fight at my wedding and although its selfish i just feel its better if they arent in the party altogether rather than just picking one. They have even now said they dont want to come to the wedding.
Some friends agree with my decision, however a couple of my others dont, and one of my friends in the bridal party and my mom have told me I am being dramatic. I really dont want to hurt their feelings but I will also be super embarrassed and upset if they fight all the time we do wedding activities.
Edit: Clarity ###### | NTA it's your big day you lovely bride to be, it's not dramatic its sensible. ###### |
My daughter really likes rap music, which while a little strange doesn’t really bother me. She’s 15 and has heard all the things in the songs at school anyway. She listens on her speaker at my house.
She’s with her mom for quarantine, and we’ve fought over the music in the past. Recently her mom called me and told me to stop letting her listen to rap at my house because she’s being difficult about it at hers. I usually uphold her rules and punishments so long as they’re within the realm of reason, but this one seems silly to me.
I told her no and she cussed me out and hung up. AITA? ###### | NTA It's silly to bar a person from listening to a style of music. I can understand of some certain songs are banned, but blacklisting something across the board is stupid. Your house, your rules. Her mom is an ex for a reason, she does not control what you allow your children to do while under your roof. ###### |
I just called security on my neighbor. It was around 830pm today (which is a Friday). They were holding a jam session including a drum set, saxophone, bass and singer. They were playing so loud I could everything clearly through my bedroom walls and my walls were shaking. He's played loud music in the past but has stopped not long after and it's never been a jam session. So I never called on him until today.
Anyway they decided to leave after security talked to them. The singer called out my apartment and others as they walked away. She called us all a bitch and said that she plays loud music until 3am where she lives.
AITA for calling on them at 830pm on a Friday? I know noise comes with the territory in apartments, but this just seemed outrageous to me. ###### | NTA it's really not cool to have a jam session or band practice in an apartment. I mean maybe all acoustic and in the daytime but not loud enough to shake the walls. That's just assholery. ###### |
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