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I’ll keep this short.
I’ve worked at a restaurant for a while and there’s this one guy that usually comes. We’ve casually chatted a bit and have a casual relationship. He’s hot. I’m not. He usually comes really late, I’ve talked to him twice in the parking lot after my shift ended. He also initiates and carries on these conversations, I’m not harassing him.
I decided to shoot my shot, after work today we were talking again and I asked him out. He said no. I was fine with this. I was about to accept that and leave, but after the initial rejection he went on about how he just couldn’t force himself to be attracted to me physically, “you’re a very nice girl but . . .” and all that jazz. I felt a little hurt by this because he could’ve just aid no, there was no reason to go off on my appearance, I already knew he wasn’t physically attracted to me after the first no. I felt he was being kind of condescending. He continued to “comfort” me afterwards, saying he was sure I would find a good guy, looks aren’t everything, to keep my head up, etc. It was also really embarrassing because his friend was there and could hear everything going on. He looked really awkward and uncomfortable.
I went home and was obviously pretty bummed. My brother noticed and asked why so I told him and he told me the guy was TA. I kind of ranted about it to to three of my friends in a group chat and they agreed there was no need to list the reasons why he wouldn’t date me. At the end I calmed down and said I was over it, we talked about other stuff.
I guess one of my friends must have told friends and apparently he found out, he reached out to me on social media and said I was a bitter bitch. AITA ###### | NTA- He was insensitive for listing the reasons why hes not attracted to you, and it's completely understandable for you to be upset and vent with trusted friends. He shouldn't have contacted you and called you a bitch. ###### |
Throwaway because he uses reddit.
My fiancée (21M) and I (22F) have been together for 2 years, living together for most our relationship.
At first he moved into the apartment I already owned. He solely cleaned litter boxes as I tend to be allergic to litter dust, but other than that we both always did all of the other chores around the house.
After around 6 months of us both living in my small studio apartment, we decided to try to find a bigger place owned by the same landlady as she's been amazing. I preferred a 1 bedroom apartment that was on the third floor, had a dishwasher (important), central heating and air, and on site laundry. He preferred a one bedroom on the first floor (I hate living on the first floor), no dishwasher (and no room to have one installed), no on site laundry, and a wallunit that didn't flow any air into the bedroom. I could compromise on everything but the dishwasher as I couldn't stand doing dishes by hand. He said if that was the only thing I didn't like, then he would just always to do the dishes. I agreed and we live there now.
Its been a little over a year living here, at first he had no problem with being the only one doing the dishes. I've always put up the clean dishes, as long as he washes them, and other than that and of course litters boxes, we split all the other chores evenly. But I feel that since the excitement of the new place has worn off and now he refuses to do any dishes, letting them pile up up and up until I have nagged him enough and helped him put them all up. Rather than do them as they came into the sink everyday, he now will wait weeks to do it.
But now he's saying it's unfair that he has to do the dishes. Like I said, it's not like I don't help at all with the dishes, and it's not like he does all the chores in the house and I do none.
So reddit, AITA for holding my fiancée up to his promise of doing the dishes? ###### | NTA- he made the promise. You’re also compromising on so much he should be willing to keep up his one commitment he made to you. ###### |
My daughter is 3. My next door neighbor has a 3 year old son. My neighbor is an essential worker so I watch her son during the day. He and my daughter are very good friends and tell me often that they are married. It’s obviously innocent and cute.
Since I’m still working, I’ve been letting them watch a lot of tv so I can get my work done. They like to cuddle up together under a blanket while they watch. Sometimes they even fall asleep (which is a total bonus for me.)
They were knocked out under the blanket together one afternoon and I didn’t want to wake them up by moving them. My daughters father FaceTimed me and asked to see her. I told him she wasn’t sleeping but I turned the camera around and showed her napping with her friend. Her father hung up and later called me and yelled at me for allowing her to cuddle with a boy. He said it was inappropriate and that I was encouraging an unhealthy relationship. I told him he was being creepy and they’re 3. He got very angry and is telling people that I am wrongly calling him names. Am I the asshole for calling him a creep? ###### | NTA- He had those thoughts in his head. 3 year olds snuggin on the couch is perfectly harmless. ###### |
I f16 and my brother m29 usually get along well but since i was about 10 years old all responability of his daughter f8 has fallen on me. I love my niece so much, shes always been the sweetest kid and i love to play with her, shes like my mini me, but for 2 weeks straight its just like havinv my own kid.
My brother and his ex have split custody and we have my niece 2 weeks out of the month and while shes in i do everything! Getting her ready in the morning, cooking for her, doing her hair, helping her wash her hair in the bath, doing all homework and bedtime reading and playing ALL DAY. I dont mind helping out with her but its expected of me and it can get really Frustrating, especially when i have to stay home from plans and babysit without pay so he can go out. So WITBA if i told him its not my job to raise his child? ###### | NTA- he can go out the two weeks he doesn’t have her, or once in awhile. It’s extremely important to set a boundary, that you are not her nanny, and he needs to do his job as a father. ###### |
Basically, my bf has a friend or two over about once a week. When they come over, these guys will drink a full case of beer and eat so much (like what one of them eats for one meal would be three meals for me). I don’t mind them eating and drinking all this but me and my bf split groceries 50/50. My bf’s friends never pay for anything - they don’t even bring over a 6pack when they hang out. I’m sick of buying a 24 case of beer for it to be gone in two days because of my bf’s friends and for buying a weeks worth of groceries only for half of it to disappear in one night.
So WIBTA if I tell my bf that he has to pay for the alcohol and food that him and his friends consume? ###### | NTA- have a conversation with your bf. Tell him he needs to start going to the store for his “party” food and drinks before his buddies come over. That the shared groceries are off limits now. He may stop having them over so often if he has to financially support that burden by himself ###### |
35(f) here who met an amazing lady back in February. I'm mom to cool cat 9 year old daughter. Lady moved in relatively quickly, partially in due to that old lesbian stereotype, and also because 'Rona.
For the most part the transition went smoothly. Daughter's dad and I share 50/50 custody and have great friendship. Every Friday my daughter and I like to have a "girls night" of just her and I doing stupid shit.
We've been including girlfriend in these Friday night romps and she's been mindful of letting us have our space. Until last night. Daughter wanted to watch movies and sleep on pull out couch with me.
Girlfriend was pissed. She said she wanted to sleep next to her person, which is me. Well I'm that little person's person too. I told her I loved her and that one night of me sleeping on pull out watching movies with my kid shouldn't be an issue. I sleep in bed with GF every night of the week.
Today I'm getting the silent treatment.
AITA? ###### | NTA- hate to say it but this should be a huge red flag and sign of problems to come. She needs to respect your relationship with your daughter. ###### |
I (16) was on a call with my girlfriend (16) when my little sister (6) entered the room. She was being loud so I told her to leave and my girlfriend says "oh my god, I hate her", then I said "excuse me?" and she repeated "shes just annoying I don't like her.". I told her to knock it off and she got defensive. She said "I wasn't being disrespectful I didn't call her a bitch or a slut or call her any names". I hung up on her. We have been dating for about 1.25 years and my little sister has always loved her and I thought she loved my little sister too, but I guess not. And she keeps telling me im acting like a child and being disrespectful. Then she goes and talks to my friend, lets call him Brad. And brad messages me and says how I'm gonna lose her because I don't "have my shit in order" and I'm exaggerating. Now everyone is pissed at me because my girlfriend is saying shit about my little sister. AITA for being mad at my girlfriend? ###### | NTA- good on you for sticking up for your defenseless sister ###### |
My sisters plays sports. Whenever she gets home from a game or practice she just comes in and lays on the couch for awhile. She never showers immediately. That’s a personal choice. The problem is that for days afterwards when you sit where she was sitting or attempt to use the blanket she did, it smells like straight BO. IMO if she’s not going to be hygienic and shower afterwards, she shouldn’t be allowed to be on the couch. Obviously, I’m not talking about sitting down to take her shoes off or anything, I mean for a decent amount of time. If she wants to lay or sit on her bed and blankets and they smell like BO, fine, go ahead. I just don’t think it’s fair that we all have to sit somewhere that is covered in her dry sweat and odors. It’s a shared space. I think I may be the asshole for asking her because it might come off as bossy or over controlling. I’m worried it’s not actually a big enough deal to bring up. I just think it’s unhygienic and inconsiderate. ###### | Nta- fabrics soak up the sweat and now she’s making stuff that’s not hers smelly and isn’t cleaning it, just let her know ###### |
Myself and my husband are due in october, after two miscarriages last year due to (now resolved) issues with my heart and kidneys and the surrounding treatment.
Everything is good this time around, and part of the journey of recovery for us is buying things for the baby, keeping things we bought for the last 2, and trying to enjoy my pregnancy instead of being very scared something is going to happen.
Me and husband have not great relationships with our families and no contact with some, for a lot of reasons, but are doing by far the best emotionally and financially, which can cause tension.
They have all rang insisting on giving us all their second hand stuff, I mean, piles and piles of it. My sister had a child with someone from a family with hygiene and smoking issues and we especially do not want clothes from them.
I spoke generally to everyone that we would like to buy our own stuff and gave our reasons (they know our m/c history) and also that as its our first child we would like to buy stuff new that we have chosen.
Also that if they want to buy anything new the money would probably be more useful so we can get the stuff we need.
I've been called ungrateful, money grabbing, childish, been told that just because we are well off we think we are too good for their stuff.
I've spoke to friends who think that a baby is a "family event" and I'm excluding my family from the joy of preparing. But we have almost no relationship anyway, and had no plans in them being involved with the child.
Aita ? Am I ungrateful and excluding ? :(
*edit* just to add that a lot of them have issues with hoarding, over buying and spending too much. We are the opposite and as zero waste as possible and are determined to buy as little as we need ###### | NTA- even though it's pretty normal to keep the baby stuff for someone else and giving it to them, they're in no position to tell you how to handle this. If you want to buy everything new, that's on you. You don't have take presents you wouldn't be grateful for, or maybe even throw away. But that's always an option. Take everything, fake smile, trash can.
Edit: donation is probably a better solution than a trash can. But I like to exaggerate. And you do understand what I want to say. ###### |
I am a college student due to graduate in 2021. My parents are funding all expenses, and I'd graduate with no student loans.
Last year, brother came out as gay, and was disowned and cut off from all financial support. I've privately told him that I'm 100% supportive, and have been sneaking him money by scrimping on luxuries and giving him the excess where possible. Unfortunately, I don't think he did the right thing by coming out when he did as he too only has one more year to go and could have also graduated with no debt.
He has since said it would be very much appreciated if I put my money where my mouth is and cut my parents off too, or /he/ would cut me off for his own health.
I do plan to do that, but only after next year and then I'll go low contact. My brother says this is not enough and I am not supportive of him.
Am I the asshole here? ###### | NTA- even though I can see how your brother could feel unsupported, sometimes you gotta do what YOU have to do and being debt free from college is a huge deal. ###### |
So I (20F) am currently living with my boyfriend (21M). We’ve been together 7 months. He’s still working and I’ve been laid off so I’m at home all day.
I have been wanting short hair for a while, but I’ve been too nervous to. But with everything closed, I figured now is a good time. I’ve been debating back in forth but today I said screw it, I grabbed a pair of scissors and went into the bathroom before I could change my mind and gave myself a fairly “butch” cut. I’ve cut my own hair before - it’s not great but it’s not the worst homemade haircut.
I wasn’t expecting my boyfriend to be thrilled as it’s a big change. I didn’t call him ahead because I wanted to see his reaction. However, when he got home he absolutely flipped out. He asked what happened and I explained it to him. Started screaming at me for doing it without his permission, called me a selfish bitch, and said he didn’t think he wanted to be in a relationship with me anymore and left. I’d never seen him so angry.
I’m wondering if I was in the wrong here. I think he’s overreacting. It’s not a tattoo or anything, it isn’t permanent. He could have just said he didn’t like it and I could (consider) growing it back. Maybe I should have told him, but I know he isn’t a fan of the idea and I didn’t want to be dissuaded as I’ve been wanting to *try* short hair for a while. I think I should be able to at least experiment with my appearance.
So AITA? ###### | nta- dump his ass fr ###### |
Hi, everyone.
So I live with a roommate, and we’re both grad students, so constantly busy. This summer is going to be particularly busy for me, because I have two classes, an intensive German workshop, and am working on both PhD and Fulbright applications. Because of this, I don’t foresee me leaving my desk this summer. My roommate is also taking two classes. The other day, my roommate told me that her boyfriend would be coming up from Florida to visit for 5 days. She also told me that I would need to be gone from the apartment for at least one night so they could have sex, and asked if I could go stay with my boyfriend. I told her no, because I was busy and had class and would feel more comfortable doing my classes and schoolwork at home. She told me I was an asshole, and has gotten her friends and parents to also tell me I’m an asshole.
AITA for telling her no? ###### | NTA- Do y’all share a room or just an apartment? Because if she has her own room, that’s very weird to ask you to leave. If they want more privacy, they can go to a hotel. ###### |
My mother is in her 40’s, she got out of rehab for drug use recently.
While in rehab (she says) she applied to half-way houses for afterwards, the applications were denied.
She got out of rehab and decided she was going to Georgia the next morning. That night she spent a night in a hotel with a friend. I didn’t hear from her for about 3 days. Tonight while I was working she asks me to pick her up afterwards. I ask where she wants to go and she just lays into me about how she has nowhere to go, no one cares, and to just forget about it. Emphasizing how she has nowhere to go, most likely to guilt me into offering her to stay with me.
This was typical behavior of her when she was using and I, rightfully so, do not want her in my apartment if she is using again. And I don’t necessarily want her here even if she isn’t.
AITA for feeling this way? ###### | NTA- Directly after rehab she vanished for three days. You’re not obligated to care for her, but if you chose to you need to set ground rules. If you want to help her, help her apply to women’s shelters, finding a job, etc. Addiction is a disease and it’s very difficult to get back on your feet but working towards it is part of the process. ###### |
So I live in a household where only WOMEN are supposed to wash the dishes. Or house chores in general. My brother stays his ass on the couch all day or playing videos games, who also eats the most food and makes the most dishes with my dad has the nerve to tell me to wash the dishes.
When I tell him why don’t you wash the dishes he goes “what I look like to you” seriously!! He tells me you’re helping mom by doing so, so then why isn’t he helping mom too!?? My dad has the same mentality and always makes me do all house chores, I never once seen my brother pick up one thing.
Now I’m not here saying that I’m the most hard working but if everyone did their part in the house, sharing chores, and taking turns to wash the dishes maybe I would wash them too. I try to help out as much as I can but seeing my brother and dad do nothing just discourages me completely, it’s starting to piss me off, they are not only sexist but they don’t even see how backwards their mentality is. Also my mother is the same way, she only tells me to do chores because a woman is supposed to. And that one day I’m gonna have to marry and do my husbands house chores. Like whattt!!!
I also let my brother know that I won’t ever touch any dishes until everyone does their part in the house to help out.
AITA. ###### | NTA- cultures be like that. Women have to do all the work and men aren’t grateful for it. They act like we should be glad we have chores to do. I would just do my own dishes if I were you lol. After you’re done eating, only wash what you used. ###### |
This happened a while back but I have recently been thinking about it. We came in to school late as I was just walking around avoiding first period and he was off buying weed so we met up at the shopping centre next to our school. We walk in and I can immediately smell the most potent weed smell I tell him and he says “it’s fine no one will notice”. A few minutes later and were talking to a teacher who instantly recognised the smell, she was a nice teacher so he didn’t get in trouble she just warned him that she could smell it so other teachers would be able to. He starts panicking and asks to wrap it up in my PE kit and I’ll give him it last period. I say no because I didn’t want my PE kit to stink of weed as I had PE last period which means the smell would have had all day to stick to it and I planned on wearing my PE kit home and didn’t want to smell of weed when speaking to my parents.
AITA ###### | NTA- but you already know this. It wasn't your responsibility to hide it for him. ###### |
My (30M) wife (24F) has always been a big cook. She's been doing it since she was very young and she's great at it. Her home cooked meals are (usually) out of this world. She usually cooks in her house, but she has said before that she doesn't mind since she's so much better at it (she says my food is bland) and I usually wash up and watch the kids.
I'm not a super picky eater. I'll try anything once. But there's one thing I hate, mushrooms. They just make me gag.
So usually we don't eat mushrooms in our house or my wife will only cook them when she knows I'm not going to be home. But for the last few weeks, we're having mushrooms for dinner almost every other meal. Even in stuff you wouldn't usually put mushrooms in (like in a chicken salad) my wife has warned me there's mushrooms in.
Two days ago (after weeks of MUSHROOMS) I told her that I was having trouble eating with all the mushrooms we'd been having. She just shrugged at me and she has been relatively quiet since.
Since then I've cooked my own dinner, which is fine but the kids have asked several times why I'm not eating the same thing as them.
AITA for telling her I won't eat these mushroom meals anymore? ###### | NTA- but seems like something is bothering her. She knows you don't like mushrooms but yet she is constantly putting them in everything. And also putting them in stuff that she normally don't. Seems like she is purposely doing this to get to you. Coming from a woman, something is up. ###### |
I am (17F) and I am 173 (5'8) cm and I weigh about 68 kgs (150 pounds). I have struggled with body image issues throughout my life.
My mom cares about my health a lot and has been telling me to lose weight for the past year. First it was mild but now it has become slightly overbearing as she tells me to watch what I eat all the time. I understand, really. Her concern is natural.
I used to go running before but since I can't really do that these days, I am exercising at home. To be honest, our home is not very big and there's not much space so the exercise isn't very fruitful so I decided to follow a diet too.
Normally my mom makes easy to make food which isn't always very healthy as she doesn't really like putting too much effort into our food. Which I was fine with.
Now, my mom flat out refused to cook some healthy alternatives for me as she says that there is no need for me to go on a diet if I just exercise enough. I told her that the exercise isn't being really helpful to me.
Mom said that she can't cook extra healthy food for me as it would be too much work for her. Then I suggested that she can cook the healthy meal for both of us. She flat out refused and said that I was the one who needed to lose weight, not her.
Finally I decided that I should make my own food. My mother said that I have never been near the stove my entire life and that I'll burn the house down. She says if I just exercise enough then I won't have to go on a diet.
Yesterday i refused to eat the food made by her and instead made myself some salad. My mother feels insulted and says that I am being disrespectful.
Am I really being disrespectful?
AITA for making my own food when Mom told me not to? ###### | NTA- but 150lbs seems an okay weight for your height ###### |
My gf and I live in a 600+ sq ft apartment on a bottom floor with 2 cats. Quite recently, my gf had to make the decision to put down her dog due to liver failure. It was very fast and sudden, because we went in for a upset stomach and expected medication, not a lack of dog.
She immediatly started looking for another dog to adopt. I completly understand this, because getting another dog is part if the grieving process. However, this is where I wonder if I'm the asshole: I told her no.
My gf likes a "beagle/hound" mix that isn't fully housetrained and used to be abused, so the world is still scary for them. I'm very hesitant on getting a dog, because for our last dog, a lot of the walking/training resposibilities fell on me. I would get guilt-tripped into taking the dog out for walks by myself, while my gf would NEED me to be with her. I don't have the patience for dogs and while I like them, I'm more of a cat person anyways. I'm not ready for more financial costs and the emotional/physical responsibility of another adult dog that has problems. We're gone 9 hours a day and we can't always afford dog walking/sitting. However, its really hard to see my gf go through something like this. ###### | NTA- being a good god owner is a lot of work, and it sounds like most of that work is falling on you. In my opinion that gives you veto power over getting another one. ###### |
Context: my ex and I have a 20 month old daughter. Ex and I live together even though we aren't any longer romantically involved and overall have a good relationship.
Long story short: our daughter is a 20 months old and with special medical needs and have never left my side once since she was born. I've literally never been apart from her for more than 2 hours, say if her dad was taking her for a walk.
Daughter is not yet in nursery because of her medical condition meaning I care for her all day long and work part time at night. Dad has left me with her for a total of 7 months in total split over several weeks at a time, sometimes he had to go for work and sometimes because he wanted to fly home to visit family. For 20 months I've not met with a friend or family member or gone to the hairdresser without my now toddler by my side. Due to our smallish apartment, I also sleep in her room. I don't remember the last time I was on my own.
I'm going nuts, I'm exhausted, I'm getting more and more depressed by the day and I need a break. Just two nights in a hotel in the city somewhere. Doing nothing.
Money is not an issue but my ex insists that I'm being selfish and shouldn't want to go or want to be away from my daughter. He's said that instead he'll take her for a few hours doing the weekend but in honesty, I just need away from them both for a day or two. AITA? ###### | NTA- because he would be the one that would stay with her while you’re gone right? Of course it’s not selfish to take a break. I wonder if it has to do more with him not wanting to be alone with her that long. Is there other family that can help with her if he’s absolutely not willing to? ###### |
A bit of backstory:Me and my step brother share a room, I am 17 and he is 15 and he HATES to shower like full on despises having to shower he is like a cat. He plays football, and works out a lot so he sweats and has a nasty case of athlete BO, I hate having to smell that and I think in the past 5-6 months he has showered once (we aren't having any sort of financial crisis where he couldn't shower he just doesn't). He's made the room almost unbearable and I pretty much sleep on the couch now cause of it and I put in a couple of those febreeze air fresheners.
Main Problem:I was in my room on my phone when he came in after working out, it was extra bad this time I was getting up to leave the room cause I hate the smell. He asked me why I was leaving and I said cause I don't wanna be in the room anymore thinking he would just drop it. I guess he didn't like that and came out of the room asking if he did something wrong, I kept brushing him off cause I really didn't want to hurt his feelings but he wouldn't stop pushing the issue.
Me:Dude you smell like shit. Take a fucking shower, I can't deal with the smell anymore. If you need help with how to properly shower ill show you or your dad can but you can't go on like how you are my guy.
(His sister got involved cause she didn't like how I was talking to him or something)
Step Sister:Don't talk to my brother like that
Me:Come on, I'm just saying he needs to take a shower. I am not trying to bash him but he needs one, he works out too much to not shower.
Step Sister:doesn't give you a right to be a fucking asshole to him
At this point my step dad got involved and sent them to their rooms and I was sent to the living room, my step dad was mad at me the most and said that I should have been nicer to my "brother". I told him that he needs to make him shower and smell better, I even said id help him if he did but my step dad told me to drop the conversation and never bring it up again. AITA????? ###### | NTA- at 15 you shouldn’t have to be told to shower. Also he could have dropped the subject when you said you didn’t want to talk about. Everyone else in the household is just enabling his poor behavior. ###### |
My parents moved to the States over 25 years ago from Karachi, Pakistan, but they’ve held onto their religion and culture pretty tightly ever since. I was raised in a very Muslim household with commands to pray 5 times a day and lectures on how to be a good Muslim. One of those rules is that dating is Islam is zinnah, a grave sin. In order to “date” in the religion, you have to get married first. Fast forward to last Saturday when I told my family about my 3-year long relationship with my white girlfriend.
At first they weren’t happy and demanded we broke up entirely. They didn’t see another way. Then my sister talked to them and convinced them of another avenue: getting us married under Islamic and US law and then leaving me to “commit mistakes” on my own, without my family’s support. To them, it’s either that or we have to break up. However, I don’t want to do either of those options. I would like to continue dating her until I can financially and emotionally support her to get married in the farther future. They won’t accept that at all on the basis that it’s not the Islamic way. Therefore, since I can’t marry her and don’t want to break up, I’ve decided to leave my house and figure it out on my own.
I would be hurting my parents immensely and it’s possible they’ll never forgive me. But is their pain and resentment worth my independence? WIBTA for sacrificing my family and their financial support for a 3-year long girlfriend and a shot at independence? ###### | NTA- as a middle easterner whose very familiar with the culture, I strongly think your parents are bluffing. They are now saying you have to do things their way but once you are married with kids, they will want to be apart of your life. Choose what makes you happy and they will eventually give in ###### |
My daughter was going to be a flower girl in a wedding that is one month away. I informed the bride yesterday I didn't feel comfortable being in large groups of people right now, with the way cases have been spiking again. She didn't say much to me, besides blocking me on social media. She did tell me not to worry about paying her back since "I'm too poor to afford it". Which is not the case since I've offered numerous times to pay. Everything was second hand, or very cheap. Total was barely $100, which I will still pay back anyways.
She is 47 years old, with 5 kids, and at least 3 different dads. They range from 9 to 25. She has been married at least 2 other times. She also had a very extravagant wedding just 4 years ago. She looks like a serial bride. I mean, who has a huge ceremony like that for their 3rd wedding?!
My husband is firm on paying this woman back as he says it's just the right thing to do, and I agree until she kept calling me poor. (Before I pulled my daughter out, any time I offered it was another variation of "No, you're too poor". My husband honestly wants to pay her only to spite her...as weird as it nay sound. So, wibta if I didn't repay? I feel like yes, but I also kind of don't care
Edited to add I cannot avoid these people. They live next to my mom and dad whom I do weekly chores for, and her 9 year old is always harrasing me when Im outside, and trying to play with my kids. Her future husband has known my parents for years. ###### | NTA- and if you want to be Petty with Purpose, donate the $100 to charity in her name and send it to her as a wedding gift. ###### |
I’m pretty good with numbers and patterns. I also have Aspergers. I always keep a mini notebook on how people close to me are doing. I just note their moods and their overall feel everyday.
I began dating my wife, Holly about 10 years ago. Back when we were 16. I did keep track of her moods back then. I noticed that there was a slight cycle of when she would be feeling down. I would always get her a small gift then, like some chocolate.
I didn’t connect the dots till I showed my friend the notebook. He explained to me, while laughing that I was tracking her menstrual cycle. I didn’t think that information would be so private. I mean, I am her husband. Anyway, when she found about the notebook, she got super mad. She was extremely disappointed that I would stoop to such a low level.
I don’t know what or if I did anything wrong. When I ask her what I did that was so wrong, she says nothing, but I’m pretty sure she’s lying.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA- Abed ###### |
I imagine this is going to be a bit of an ESH, but here's the context:
I have a nonbinary coworker, I'll call Ash, who unfortunately had their deadname printed on our weekly schedule for the first few weeks of their employment. They made it very clear to everyone they don't like to be referred to by it, and go by they/them pronouns. I myself am trans (though not entirely out at work), so I'm pretty sensitive to people using the wrong name/pronouns for someone.
Another coworker (Jessica) thought it was a great joke to annoy Ash by referring to them as their deadname and the wrong pronouns. Ash, as well as some others, had asked her to stop multiple times, she didn't. I got fed up, and started referring to Jessica as he/him and by the wrong name. She was visibly annoyed whenever I did it, but nothing ever came of it and she has since been fired for unrelated reasons.
Thining back on it, I do feel kinda shitty about it as one of my positions is that a person doesn't need to *earn* the right to be referred to by the correct name/pronoun, and I feel like I compromised my ethics on this. ###### | NTA- “Jessica” was going out of her way to be an ass to “Ash”. You gave her a taste of her own medicine, and tbh if she was someone who never experienced gender dysphoria it would not have had as negative an effect on her as being dead named did on Ash.
I’ve slipped up a few times with friends who transitioned and have been horrified and apologetic when it has happened. It costs nothing to be a decent person and respect pronouns and chosen names. Jessica is/was a crappy person for no good reason and you may have been slightly childish but it wasn’t AH behaviour ###### |
There's really not a whole lot of back story here. She's 39 weeks pregnant and keeps begging me to have sex because she thinks it'll help her go into labor. I've been denying her advances for the last month or so because I just don't have a drive to do anything. It's been hard on me because I feel like I’m upsetting her and I also don't quite understand why my drive left. I don't want her to feel like she's ugly or fat, but I don't feel like I should force myself to do something like that.
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Anyway she's really upset with me because I told her today I can't handle her constantly asking me to do it or making jokes about how I won't. It's torture to me to constantly be reminded about this internal conflict I've been having regarding the subject. I know it's my fault that I didn't tell her sooner but this sort of reaction is exactly what I was afraid of. On the outside when she makes jokes or requests she sees me respond with a complementary laugh/smile or a polite no.
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She's upset with me for what seems like her assumption that I'm saying she's ugly/fat now even though I told her specifically that's not true nor is it why. I know from a "should you ever have sex if you don't want to" standpoint the answer is that I'm in the right. But am I an asshole for not wanting to have sex with her right now? Should I have just kept it to myself and not told her to stop? ###### | NTA-
So, I want to begin by saying this, nobody is ever an AH for not wanting sex. Nor are they an AH for wanting sex. One way or the other, it’s okay to have the feelings you are.
Your wife is being pushy and insecure, which is partially due to the hormones flooding her body. But she is still responsible for actions and reactions towards the lack of sex in your life. In short, while I can empathize with her- she is still an AH and needs to be told. She needs to respect this boundary.
Now, it seems like this is something that is incredibly draining, and is taking up a lot of your time worrying about it. My unasked for advice? Seek out a therapist to work through these issues on. It could be pre-baby jitters, it could be your sex drive naturally waning, it could be part of a medical issue. Without talking to someone or seeking help, you won’t know what it is. ###### |
My dad just proposed to his girlfriend. I truly, genuinely, did not know she didn't drink. The only time I've spent with her where a drink would typically be ordered are times that we've gone for coffee, so I've never been in a situation with her where she had the choice to order alcohol and she's never mentioned it. So because I didn't know she didn't drink, I sent them champagne.
I got a phone call and an earful from dad with her audibly sobbing in the background. Dad wants me to make it up to her. On the call I heard her say "ask that dyke how-" and then the sound went muffled so I think dad covered the phone, but that's not even close to the first time she's called me that.
My stepmother loves flower langauge, as in what certain flowers represent and the meaning of each flower. I have done some rage googling and now have the knowledge required to create a bouquet that quite literally says "fuck you".
I told my girlfriend what I was planning and she's said it's a great idea... right up until my stepmum tells my dad what the flowers mean.
WIBTA for sending the rude flowers? ###### | Nta- "I'm gonna skip on the apology dad.
What I did was purely accidental. Her calling me a dyke was not.
You sure you want to marry someone who calls your kid a dyke dad?" ###### |
I (14M) hate when people barge in on me very suddenly and without warning. I startle easily, and this makes me jump every time. I always get pissed after someone startles me, so I try to tell people to be slow and quiet when coming in, and to give warning. My parents usually knock quietly on my door when I'm in my room before coming in, which gives me warning and prevents me from jumping.
My sister (11F) doesn't do this.
She'll run up and burst in really quickly and loudly, which always startles me and always pisses me off.
Earlier, she asked me why I'm always mad at her when she comes into my room. I told her it's because she always barges in so suddenly, and told her I wouldn't be as mad as often if she came in slowly and quietly. She promptly told me her personality wasn't like that and said she wouldn't be able to be slow and quiet when coming in.
I told her that her personality wasn't an excuse, and that it wasn't much to ask for her to give warning, and, again, she said it was because that's just how she was. She then said I wouldn't jump if I was "doing the right thing", acting like the reason I startle easily is because I'm always on something I shouldn't be. I told her I startle no matter what, and she shook her head and started going on about how she's defending her position and holding strong to what she thinks is right. I kept trying to tell her it wasn't, and she started using her excuse, "different opinions".
She then went back to being upset that I didn't seem to like her. I repeated that all she had to do was be slow and quiet when coming in on me, and again she said that's not how her personality was.
I said, "sucks for you, then," got up, and left.
So, Reddit, am I in the right for wanting her to just try to make an effort to not startle me every time she comes in, or AITA because her personality is so energetic that she can't, she's only 11, and I should make an effort to not startle so easily anyway? ###### | NTA- Your sister is young, but she's already latched on to a dangerous excuse in life. The "that's just the way I am" is the excuse people give when they know they're being assholes but expect others to adjust to their asshole behavior instead of changing their asshole behavior and become better people.
Even the noisiest, most energetic extrovert will stop and knock quietly on the door of their introverted friend's home if they know it's important to their friend. Sometimes in life, you have to do something that is out of character for you to show love and respect to someone that means a lot to you and that person probably does the same for you. ###### |
so i come from a very traditional muslim family in turkey and since i'm 17 now my family started to put a lot of pressure about getting married bla bla. i'm closeted and my parents are super homophobic and religious. so today randomly the idea of having kids was brought up.
i accidentally told that i won't have any which sent my mom to a breakdown. she started shouting at me cause she won't have grandchildren, calling me selfish. (i didn't talk ab adoption cause she is really against it for some reason?)
whatever i shouted hat she was the one being selfish and that it's my life & i get to choose what i do (that was the safest thing to say without outing myself) she started crying and called me ungrateful. i was pretty confident that i was right but then my sister (who knows i'm gay) and she told me that i acter irresponsible and hurt her feelings?
so am i the asshole for making my mum cry just by telling her i won't have kids ###### | NTA youre right. It is your life. In the past, you had to have kids as helpers for things like farming and to take care of you as you got older, now theyre treated like pets for your parents to coo over. The "need" for kids is over beyond a genuine want to parent. You don't need to have kids to take care of you in your old age, times have changed, and if your mom wants something to fawn over, tell her to get a dog. ###### |
I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. I (38m) was about to get into the shower, but my wife (39f) told me that she was going to pick up groceries and was going to be 15 minutes. And she asked if I could shower the kids (5f, 3m) while she was gone. I said okay.
I didn’t want to shower my kids and then go into the shower myself because that seemed like a huge waste of water, and my wife showers with the kids very often, so I figured I would take them into the shower with me. I washed them and then myself, we dried off and I wrapped a towel around my waist. My daughter went to go get dressed and I went to get my son dressed.
My wife came home at this point and she came upstairs. She saw me with wet hair and my son too. She asked, “Did you shower daughter?” I told her yes. She said “That’s so fudged up!” (She didn’t want to swear in front of my son). I asked why and she said because she is a girl. I told her that our son showers with her and he’s a boy. She said that it’s different and asked that I wouldn’t shower with our daughter again. I said I wouldn’t but I was still confused. So AITA? ###### | NTA Your wife needs to look up "double standards". Did she allow you to bathe your daughter and change her diaper in the past? You're her father and it's more fudged up that she thinks she is allowed to bathe with the kids but you're not. Selfish much? ###### |
This happened a couple months ago but everything’s starting to calm down and the shelter in place order will be taken off and I can start next week.
Some background: I (16f) have been babysitting and tutoring for the past 5 years to pay for anything I needed. I’ve taken classes, have great references, and I’m disabled and babysitting is a lot easier than other jobs for me. I’ve also always found my own jobs by posting ads on nextdoor.
My sister (17f) saw I was doing pretty well and asked our mom to find her some jobs. My mom looked on nextdoor and found a lady saying she needs a babysitter for her 3 toddlers, decided it would be perfect for my sister, and waited for my sister to get home to show her. I had no clue and I commented on her ad saying I’m available and stuff like I’m cpr certified and I have experience and references. An hour later my sister gets home from her boyfriend’s house and my mom pulled up the ad and saw my comment and started screaming at me for “stealing your sister’s job”. Well a couple hours later the mom got back to me and said she’d love to meet with me so I drove to her house and met her and her kids and she offered me a job for every Friday night. I took the job because I need a way to pay for gas, hanging out with friends, buying a new phone, paying my phone bill, etc. I told my mom and both her and my sister aren’t speaking to me.
Also my sister had a stable job working at my dad’s store for almost $15 per hour but quit because he made her sweep the floor. So AITA? ###### | NTA your sister sounds like a lazy fuck
-quit a 15$/HOUR job for not wanting to sweep floor
-asks her mother to find jobs for her while she goes to her boyfriends house
Yeah fuck that ###### |
Preface: I am 27 year old male and i have arthritis in my lumbar spine as well as a bulge in the same area. My only relief is laying down supine on my bed. Every other activity hurts. Walking, sitting, standing, everything. I just finished a year of unsuccessful treatment and being young my doctor said I could be placed on permanent restrictions but not permanent disability.
Main issue:
I'm coming home from picking up my dog from my girlfriends house as she was babysitting. I get home it's like 11:15 pm. There is absolutely no parking and my dad has the driveway because he pays the bills.
I ask my sister and her guests of like 8 people if anyone is parked directly in front of our house. One guy responds and I ask politely " if you don't mind parking somewhere else I really appreciate it. I have back issues and it would really help me out if I didn't have to walk far."
Then my sister chimes in " I don't give a fuck, he doesn't have to move, if you got a problem with it then take it up with dad".
I disregard her. I repeat myself to her guest a simple " I would greatly appreciate it if you could help me out " he obliged and we switched spots. ( The nearest parking spot was about a little less than quarter of a mile upward. Thanks COVID-19 now you have everyone home there's no parking) no harm no foul. Now I hear my sister berating me to her guests about " how I'm such a bitch and an asshole and how I'm faking an injury"
Now I'm not sure if this is relevant but I feel I should mention that our mother passed away unexpectedly on June 29th, 2020 and idk if I should just chalk it up to my sister still being hurt from our mom's passing.
I just believe that since I live here, and given my back problem i was okay in asking him to switch spots with me.
Was I the asshole for doing so? ###### | NTA your sister is probably still greiving but it doesn't give her the right to treat you like shit. You asked someone nicely who doesn't live there to move there car because you're in constant pain so no you are not the asshole. ###### |
My sister (17) has been sneaking out to meet a boy for the past few days. She snuck out to go to a park near our house so i was okay with it. I only had to open the door for her when she went out and when she came back but lately she has been staying far too late even after telling me she won’t.
Yesterday, she came in my room and told me she will go to a town near us (about a 20 minute ride) with one of her friends motorcycles, i was not okay with this and told her no but she didn’t listen. I let her out and was really worried about her because of obvious reasons, i texted her multiple times to tell me when she’s coming, she said she’ll be home around 2am. The time comes around and she’s nowhere to be found, i text her again and she says she’ll come back at 4am. I got pissed at her and around 4 i just opened the door and went to take a bath, she came home at 5.
When she came back i told her that i’m mad at her and that i won’t help her sneak out again. She apologized through text.. AITA?
also, i’m ok with her going to the park because basically nothing can happen to her in our really small town and i’m not worried about the boy she’s going with because i know him quite well ###### | NTA your sister is being selfish. If you make plana/agreements you should stick to them. ###### |
This is my friend's account btw for obvious reasons.
My little sis (10) is usually forced to go to birthday parties she doesn't want to when she's invited. She can be selectively social & only likes hanging out with some kids she likes.
My mom (43) was invited to an event where a bunch of moms from my sister's school gather & gossip, play games, dance, etc. Kids were also invited & there were not going to be the few bffs that my sis hangs out with. She knew she had to go as mom was going to take her anyway and worked up a little bit of an excitement.
However, my mom started picking out her clothes for her and told her she was wearing a green turtle neck that she knows she hates. My mom loves that top on her & even when she protested, my mom told her she was wearing it and it was final. My sister screamed & cried as she didn't want to wear it and thought she looked ugly in it. She ended up wearing it and cried the whole way there.
4 months have passed and this came up in a conversation today. My mom was talking about how my sis doesn't listen to anything she says and I told her she could f*ck off. I had seen my sis that day scrubbing her face that day trying to not feel/look like sh*t to make up for the hideous top.
My parents call a family meeting and told me I was being disrespectful as a daughter (I'm 21 btw) and I should apologise to my mom for my behaviour. AITA here & should I cave? ###### | NTA your sister is a human being not a fucking doll.
You mum has issues. ###### |
So my (20F) sister (18F) doesn’t have any kids however we were discussing trans kids and my sister said that if her kid came out to her as trans, she wouldn’t accept them. My sister has not always been the best but recently she gotten worse. Using the word f*ggot, using gay as a synonym for shitty, fake throwing up at gay sex scenes on tv (note: this isn’t a twelve year old being disgusted by any sex scene, she only does this with gay sex scenes). As a bisexual this has been really hard for me to put up with so after she made the trans comment, I turned round and said ‘you shouldn’t have kids then and if she did that, that’s how she would lose her kid’ (as in the kid would stop talking to her once they could). My mum just told us to stop having this conversation. AITA for telling my sister to not have kids? ###### | NTA Your sister is a bigot and showing social disapproval for bigotry is one of the things good people can do to decrease overall societal bigotry. It doesn't necessarily help the bigot (although it can), but it makes them more hesitant to voice their bigotry, which helps to decrease the spread of that bigotry to other people, which is beneficial. ###### |
Extended family is split on this. We’re the only family members with a pool (medium sized in ground). It was very hot in our region last week, and one of my cousins called to ask if she and her kids could come to swim. I said I was really sorry, but because my elderly mother-in-law lives with us, and my husband is at high risk for getting seriously sick (post kidney transplant), we had to limit our exposure, and no one outside of the household was going to be able to use the pool. Well, I got a couple of messages from family, like, “Are you serious? You’re not going to let a couple of little kids swim?” So, AITA? ###### | NTA your reasons are totally relevant, your ext family is being selfish. Not dying is more important than not being hot for a while. ###### |
I'm 15 male and my sister(21F) and I(15M) decided to die my hair bleach blond today. My siblings hairs are blond because they are blood related to my parents and my dad has diry blond hair and my mom has just straight up blond hair but I'm Korean they adopted me from Korea when I was 5. I have recently been feeling a disconnect from my family and kind of feeling like the odd one out. When I told my sister(21F) this we decided to dye my hair not because it will help me look like that cuase there is no way I can look white but to just help me feel better about myself she dyes her hair different colors and she said after she dyes her hair she feels refreshed and able to do anything she wants it give her confidence which is something I'm lacking right now. We were originally going to dye my hair blue but we just went for bleach blond. Well we did it and when my mom saw she freaked out on me and my sister. She told me I ruined my hair and blamed my sister for giving me the idea. We didnt think I needed permission to die my hair at 15 years old. AITA? ###### | NTA your parents are overreacting. It’s just hair. ###### |
As stupid as this all sounds my mil tried to get my wife to divorce me over a sandwich AND part of the family AGREED with her. I and my wife do not in any way think I am the TA but why not let strangers on the internet decide?
When I first started dating wifey MIL was actually nice to me, she was a decent human being. However I always felt she thought me and wifey were going to break up. Turns out I was right because the second we announced our engagement the shit hit the fan. She started screaming at my wife about not consulting with her first before getting engaged( she knew we were thinking about marriage before hand). She started picking fights with me for no reason. If I didn’t open the door for my wife, I didn’t have any respect for her. If I didn’t offer MIL to wash the dishes quick enough, I was going to be a terrible husband. She showed her toxic colors, you know the drift.
Here’s the part where I might be the TA. MIL came to visit us and I offered to make everybody sandwiches. Mil said she wanted a spicy one. I told her we had no spicy sauce and she insisted on having a spicy sandwich. She told me to go buy some than proceeded to tell me exactly what brand a kind of spicy sauce she wanted. Of course I was done with dealing with her shit but trying to still be polite. I told her nicely that I would not go buy some for her but she could go buy some if she wanted. That did not make her happy. Half and hour of banshee screaming later we kicked her out.
So of course MIL told everyone about the incident, where I was the bad guy who was abusive towards an old lady. Most of the family fortunately did not believe her BS but I did get quite a few angry texts and calls from other family members. Recently A family member texted me about how much a TA I was and I was like, I have free time why not post it on reddit? So AITA? ###### | NTA your not a caterer. You were polite and offered to make her a sandwich with the ingredients available. You never suggested you were going to the store. Asking is one thing. Demanding is another. Take what your given or get nothing at all. ###### |
My older sister has just moved back after living away for years, so we are finally all living close together. At a dinner with my mother and younger sister tonight, I mentioned we wanted to do a 'sister dinner' for some bonding time. It's not really something we've ever had a chance to do in the past.
My mother was incredibly offended that we were 'excluding her' and said it was rude. Then sulked away, left the table and sent us a message from another room "how would you feel if you were the one left out? For each of you there is a descriptor for why you don’t belong."
Honestly I think her message is unnecessarily savage and I honestly wouldn't mind if she took my other sisters out for dinner, but AITA? ###### | NTA your mother is very childish ###### |
This happened about 5 years ago, but my mom has brought it up recently and renewed the debate.
A bit of background: my parents got divorced when I was 4 (17 now) and they VERY strongly dislike each other. The only reason they act somewhat civil is because of me. They have shared custody, so I live with each for half the week. My mom never remarried, so I remain her only child. My dad remarried to my step mom when I was 6 and she already had 2 daughters, one who is only a few months older than me.
Anyways, I started asking to get my ears pierced the summer before 7th grade. My parents said I was too young to take care of them myself, but they were starting to consider it. Since I am my mom's only child (and therefore only daughter), she strongly believes she should be the one to experience all the girl things with me for the first time. She was very upset she didn't get to help me with my first period, as I was on vacation with my dad's family. She was almost resentful towards my step mom for helping me. She insisted on being the one to teach me how to shave, even though she refused to teach me, even when I started to look like Cousin It.
Getting my ears pierced was also a "rite of passage" she wanted to go through with me. I kept asking, but she would always put it off. One day, my dad went to take my sister out to get her ears pierced, and asked if I wanted to go, too. I said yes, and we went to the typical place where little girls get their ears pierced.
I sent my mom a picture and she was ENRAGED. She was very upset with me for "going behind her back" to do a "feminine rite of passage" with my dad and not with her. She told me she was going to take me and she was... she just never made time for it. She was also mad at my dad for not telling her beforehand.
Maybe I should have at least told her in advance that I was going to get my ears pierced, but I was 11 and wanted them pierced lol. AITA? ###### | NTA your mom should not have put that sort of expectation on a kid's shoulders. Children aren't responsible for ensuring their parents' happiness. ###### |
Hi, this is my first post here.
I'm a 23M living in the US and recently moved away to start my career writing. I'm an author and I've already written my first book. While moving, I forgot to bring some stuff from my old house. I remembered my set of Legos, I literally had two suitcases full of Legos from when I was little.
They were all kinds - star wars, buildings, famous places, vehicles and stuff. I don't really remember everything but I had a formula1 Lego too.
Long story short when I went back, I asked my mom where my Lego set was, and she seemed reluctant to tell me. I persisted and she told me it was in the attic. Then we went up and I saw the suitcases. When I opened them my mom said that it was probably too late for me to play with Legos and she'd sell them if she could.
Now my childhood was kind of hard, because we didn't have much to spend. The Lego sets were a gift from my uncle and he used to give me 2-3 sets in an year. It was my only pastime and there are a lot of memories associated with them.
Anyway I said no immediately and my mom was kinda angry, she said that you have to sell them now. I asked why and she said it was taking up a lot of space. Then i offered to move them to my apartment but she refused, saying that I'm too old for them. I picked up the Lego sets and put them in my car, with my mom following and protesting. She was really angry and wouldn't talk to me even after I tried to reason with her.
AITA for not selling my Lego set and taking it to my house? ###### | NTA your mom might have had a shred of a good point if she had bought them for you, but she doesn’t even have that going for her. ###### |
My mom knows the perfect words to get under my skin and sometimes it drives me crazy. She seems to never be satisfied in me.
An example would be when I made the varsity soccer team and I ran home to show her my name on the roster. She then said 'Wow. You're name is on the bottom. They must've picked you last'.
You can imagine how much it hurt.
And as you know America takes sports super seriously. When I didn't do well in a game I would already be upset in myself and feel disappointed in myself. She adds on to this by saying stuff like 'You only played for 45 min. You're not as good as the rest, you can't compete against them'. Honestly, when I'm trying my best but I have to hear her say stuff like this, it just really makes me angry. Especially since I know she's never supported my athletic endeavors and is just saying this to make me quit.
Another time was last year's AP exam. I studied really hard and came home with a 3 and was proud of it. When I showed her she said 'That's only a 3? That's not very good'
Again, hit me really hard as I was proud of it.
Finally, this was what made me snap, I recently got accepted into my college of choice. I worked really hard and was proud of it. My younger brother is really smart. My mom said 'Your brother got a letter of consideration from Princeton. You need to work harder'
I got so angry at her and pointed out how she's never accomplished anything in her life. She then got really defensive and started saying how much she's contributed to my accomplishments. I then said I got to where I am without her and I won't need her ever again.
It felt really bad. AITA? ###### | NTA Your mom is an asshole and has been a constant asshole to you throughout your life, so you don't owe her politeness any more. ###### |
After my mum served me and my stepdad butter chicken for dinner, I went and got some more sauce to moisten my rice since there was only curry on part of my plate. Not any chicken, just the sauce. There was barely any left before I grabbed some but my stepdad still complained that if I'd left it, "it could've been another meal" even though there were only 3 bits of chicken left and I grabbed none. I tried to tell him I only grabbed a little sauce but he started ranting on about how back in his day he "wasn't allowed to grab more pasta if he'd already been served some". I didn't realize getting a little sauce was the same as pasta? After his rant I say "yeah, I agree" then ask "but what's wrong with getting some sauce?"... A simple question. But he doesn't answer and starts shouting, saying "I didn't listen to him" even though I clearly acknowledged him. I try to explain to him but he keeps on interrupting me like he always does with everyone in the family. He then slams the table with all his strength causing wine bottles and food to tip over. "I'M SICK OF YOU FUCKS". This causes my mum to leave the table followed by me.
In my room, I hear my mum in the lounge crying and him shouting "WHY ARE YOU CRYING?".
Why wouldn't she be crying?
"THE PROBLEM IS YOUR SON WHO'S A GREEDY FAT FUCK", "STOP MAKING ME OUT TO BE THE BAD GUY" he says.
AITA? ###### | NTA your idiot stepdad was feeling insecure and tried to assert some authority based on either a misunderstanding or a random shot, and threw a tantrum when it didn't work. What a pathetic person.
He absolutely should not be treating you or your mother this way and he seems to have either some resentment or some twisted views of his role in the family that you should talk privately and urgently with your mother about. ###### |
Hi all,
First post so apologies.
My husband works in almost an all female environment and has done almost 20 years, I accept these work friendships
Last few weeks I've been telling him that co worker texting him after 10pm asking for a lift is inappropriate, he agrees but doesn't control when they text him.
hubby has had 2 weeks annual leave and Last night at 1:30am he had a missed call of co worker. He didn't answer we were alseep!
He messaged this morning to see what she wanted and it transpires that she had had an episode where she had taken too many paracetamol in an attempt to end her life.
Co worker had a partner, has family and friends of her own. I say reaching out to hubby was way over the line and although I sympathise she needs to back off, she is crossing boundaries. Hubby agrees and simply didn't reply.... I want to message and tell her directly. However, I recognise she's currently in a bad place mentally and don't want to cause her further anguish. WIBTA?
Just to add there are no trust issues between hubby and myself and she has never sent suggestive messages but has previously phoned drunk during the early hours where she was told to stop. ###### | NTA Your husband needs to set better boundaries with coworkers. I know you say you both don’t have trust issues. That’s fantastic. But this is throwing red flags for emotional affairs. ###### |
TL;DR — my husband started a YouTube channel, which I fully supported but I asked him to not record me and told him I didn’t want to be in his videos and he flipped out and deleted the whole YouTube channel. AITA?
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My husband started a YouTube channel. He got a wild, hare brained idea that it was a good idea. He told me about it, showed me his first video, I told him it was very funny and I supported him 100%. He said it was going to be a “funny, relatable, YouTube channel for dads”, I told him it was a great idea, and fully supported it. Until he tried to secretly record me and post it. I told him as he was recording me (as soon as I realized he was) that I do consent to being put on videos that are displayed for the public. And it wasn’t a sexual video or anything like that. It was literally a video of me sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of lucky charms. I don’t care what it was about, I point blank said I didn’t want to be in his videos. I still supported him making the channel, and told him I could support him without being in the videos. He then said he was going to post it anyway, made a comment about posting videos of our kids. I was adamantly against that — I don’t want our kids displayed for world to see. It’s just nothing something I agree with personally because I don’t want anyone to look at my child in an inappropriate way and unfortunately, the world we live in, the Internet is a child sex offenders hunting grounds. I just don’t want my kids to be out there like that, plain and simple. Anyway, he flipped out. Told me I didn’t support him, he was tired of it always being an issue if it wasn’t my way. Which it’s the complete opposite. He behaves like a child when he doesn’t get his way, always trying to guilt me into things. We fought for a while about it and I finally just walked away. He deleted the entire channel and refused to speak to me the rest of the night. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA your husband is acting like a toddler. ###### |
Backstory. My grandma (64F) has never had her own place and has always lived with someone her whole life. I have a two year old and a five month old and after hearing her complaining about not getting to see family and my mom kicking her out my husband (32M) and I (23F) offered her a place to stay at our house two states away.
So heres my issue. She isn't required to pay anything here. Doesn't help with rent or bills or groceries. All I've asked is for a little help with the kids in the mornings as my husband works nights and I use night to study my courses.
Everything started out great. She was helpful and seemed to be enjoying the few hours in the morning with the greatgrands. Over the past several months she's begun taking three to four days every week and a half to drive three hours away to see her old boyfriend. Ok. No problem there.
Then she's begun to step outside to smoke every hour or so and stays outside for 45mins- a hour. Still no problem.
Now on top of all that she's begun complaining when my husband doesn't wake up at 7am when she normally is up and when the kids are up by 8am. He typically works till 1-2am and I'm up and down all night with the youngest. Like this is mainly the reason she moved in.
So WIBTA if I suggest that it seems the kids are stressing her out to much and she should move in with her boyfriend? Or even suggest she start helping with bills regularly? ###### | NTA your house your rules, your priority right now is your kids and your husband any other family come second after that. ###### |
Ok so backstory here
I live with my friend in his house and rent from him, due to lots of previous personal experiences his ex dosen't like me, one bit, she despises me. He and his ex are kinda friends, they hang out every once in awhile while I'm at work. I don't really care, I don't talk to her, I don't associate with her. She is literally insane, broke down when she saw my fish in the living room, insisted I don't belong in the house, etc. My friend had to defend me. She has stalked my social media for months and put together a whole notebook of my posts, she has gone around spreading lies and rumors about me and cost me a lot of close relationships and loved ones who turned on me. I've gotten over all of this through much pain and forgiveness.
So I log onto my switch me and my friend both split half and half, we each paid half for it. I see a new profile with her name. I think "ok whatever", I go to log onto animal crossing to play with my friend for a bit. I see a random new tent, I think it's a new little resident at first. My friend points out it has a mailbox and is pink on the map. I read the username. Its my friends ex who has now set up her tent on my animal crossing island. Neither of them asked me, I bought that game 100% myself.
So I deleted her account off the switch and from my ac game. AITA? I don't want her in my life, I don't want to see her, talk to her or hear about her. My friend can hang out with her if he chooses, it's his life. But I don't need her in mine. ###### | NTA your game, your rules. But more importantly, why on earth do you still live there?? This person is clearly harassing you, stalking you, and ruining aspects of your life. ###### |
So I was selling a couple of my son’s old baby items online and as I was cleaning out the garage, I saw a Bugaboo pram set we borrowed from a friend when my son was younger. So I called her to see if she wanted to come to get it and she asked if I could sell it with my items for her and she wants $300 for it, and sure I’m fine with that.
So a few people had some interest in the pram and I finally got an interested buyer one evening who would come and collect it for the $300 the next morning. We swapped numbers, address etc and in my eyes its sold unless she doesn’t come and get it in the morning.
In the morning I had another lady message me about the pram and I advised her that it’s pretty much sold pending pick up/payment and that the lady is actually coming to collect it this morning and if she doesn’t get here by lunchtime I will release it to her instead, because the deal was morning pick up/payment. This new lady was quite desperate it seems and offers me $350 if I cancel the other lady now and give her the pram. But I said no sorry its sold pending and I’m not sure if the lady is already in her car driving to my house I just can’t call her and turn her around if she were.
I told my friend this happened when I gave her her money and she calls me TA because I didn’t cancel one woman and accept the other woman and get her the better price and now she’s responding to me with one word responses. WTH? ###### | NTA your friend should be thanking you for going thru the effort of the sale on her behalf. You weren’t getting commission so you shouldn’t be put out by making yourself uncomfortable about cancelling on someone to make your friend more money, ###### |
This happened a while back but I have recently been thinking about it. We came in to school late as I was just walking around avoiding first period and he was off buying weed so we met up at the shopping centre next to our school. We walk in and I can immediately smell the most potent weed smell I tell him and he says “it’s fine no one will notice”. A few minutes later and were talking to a teacher who instantly recognised the smell, she was a nice teacher so he didn’t get in trouble she just warned him that she could smell it so other teachers would be able to. He starts panicking and asks to wrap it up in my PE kit and I’ll give him it last period. I say no because I didn’t want my PE kit to stink of weed as I had PE last period which means the smell would have had all day to stick to it and I planned on wearing my PE kit home and didn’t want to smell of weed when speaking to my parents.
AITA ###### | NTA your friend is TA for asking. Dont screw yourself for a friendship that probably will end when ya leave HS. ###### |
Background
I'm 13 f and i have JIA (arthritis for kids)
This happened when I was 11 and has been bugging me ever since
The actual event
My "best friend" had been singling me out after my diagnosis. She had stopped inviting me to her house and when my friend group went out she would "forget" to tell me. One day I faceTimed her and told her that she needed to stop with this. She told me that she was just playing. I was so mad as this was all intentional. I lost all my friends because of this. I had cried every night because of this. At that point I snapped and told her to "fuck off and get out of my life" I didn't talk to her for a month. We have since made amends but she still tells me that I was an asshole.
So Reddit, Am I The Asshole? ###### | NTA your friend excluded you when you were I’d imagine feeling really sad, that’s not cool. I get sometimes when we’re young we don’t always deal with things in the best way like her behaviour And knowing how to treat you if she thought you were ill but she still needs to be accountable for how she made you feel. If she tells you you were an asshole remind her of her awful behaviour and what she did too.
Also on a side note I bet you’re freaking strong to be dealing with JiA you deserve friends who you can count on to be there for you x ###### |
I know the title seems bad but bare with me.
Last February my grandad passed away, he lived with my grandma and my aunt and he used to be the person they both relied on heavily. After his passing my grandma kinda gave up in life and stopped eating, sleeping and such, it got so bad that she started having hallucinations where she saw “little girls asking for food”.
We decided to bring her to a doctor who diagnosed her with severe depression and a mild senile dementia and prescribed some medication for them.
My family for various cultural reasons think that either you are completely sane or you should be confined in a mental hospital, there is no inbetween.
Once back home after a couple of days I checked in with my aunt to see if the medication started working or if there was any side effects we should worry about and she told me not to worry. At the end of the week I checked again and to my surprise grandma was getting worse, I asked my aunt what happened and the told me they were not gonna give her the medication since grandma “was not mad” and “just needed family support”.
At this point I decided to go every morning and evening to eat with her and help out, I prepared breakfast and dinner for her and following the papers the doctor gave us I slipped the medication into her food.
After a week or week and a half we started to see some progress, less hallucinations, she started to eat and sleep more by her own will...
My family saying that thanks to the family support she got better and that medicine wasn’t at all needed and how this proved she was not “mad”. I got fed up with the bs and told everyone what I had done.
All hell broke loose and I was banned from grandma’s house and everyone stopped talking to me for being the one who said my grandma was “mad” (never said so, just said she needed help). AITA? ###### | NTA your family on the other hand are the assholes they saw results and tossed it to the side and called you mad for proving them wrong.
Edit: I got to thinking your family has the same mentality of flat earthers and anti vaxxers and other extremes. ###### |
Me (25) and happily engaged to a wonderful women.
I came out to my family last year and since then I was proposed to, I said yes horah.
However my family are, to say the least deeply Conservative. Growing up they were excessively anti-LGBTQ+ which made coming out really hard, I made them a promise that I wouldn't post on social media about it until they were ready and to give them a heads up.
It's been almost a year and they stopped speaking to me other than to send me homophobic news articles.
Today over pride month I wanted to tell my friends and cousins. To be honest and show my love, so I spoke to my cousins who expressed support like no other. And I wrote my post on Facebook to the wider audience.
Then the phone calls from my immediate family came in, demanding I delete the post as I had promised them I'd ask first. My older sister told me she owed me nothing anymore and that my parents were going to kill themselves over it unless I deleted it immediately.
These people haven't spoken to me about how I feel, and about me coming out. They've refused to see me when I offer to fly home, saying I'm welcome in their house but not as a gay woman.
I have refused to delete the post and everyone else is giving me the love and support I've needed this last year. My family have told me I've betrayed them.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA your family is homophobic they would have never given you "permission" and tbh your better of without them in your life ###### |
My ex wife and I have a thirteen year old son. He’s deathly afraid of thunderstorms and has been since he was little. The other night, when he was over at my house, a huge storm rolled in. He wound up sleeping with me that night because it was the only way he’d calm down.
When he went to his mother’s house a few days later, I got a call from her. She asked me how he did with the storm, then got onto me for sleeping with him. She told me that it’s okay to tuck him in whenever there’s a storm, but sleeping with him will make him soft.
I tried to tell her that it was the only way he would calm down, but she wouldn’t listen. She literally wouldn’t let me talk, she just kept shushing me. After a few minutes of this, I blew up. I cussed her out for about 5 minutes, I finished the call, saying that I can comfort him however he wants.
I’ve never done that to her before and I feel extremely bad. I was just mad that she went out of her way to tell me what to do at my house. ###### | NTA your ex-wife epitomises the culture of toxic masculinity. Ironic, isn’t it?
Christ on a bike kids don’t toughen up by not giving them the emotional support they need. They just turn into assholes. ###### |
My ex and his wife has a Life360 group including my kids (16 and 20) and her kids. Although I pay for one of my kids' phones, they are not allowed to take Life360 off the phone.
Essentially this means he can track what they're doing when they're with me (and me, by proxy). He's made comments to them in the past about where we've gone, if I've sped or if we didn't do anything at all.
He even has my family members set up as alerts (I think this means he'd get an alert if we visited them?)
WIBTA if I told the kids to turn the stupid app off while they're with me? However, doing that would likely cause them to get flack from their father (he won't confront or talk to me about it -- if I even call to ask him nicely, he'll give them crap) and make their time with him more stressful. Do I suck it up or take a stand and start to show them that these types of apps are invasive and not "safety" based. ###### | NTA your ex needs to stop helicopter parenting and stop stalking his own kids. Especially when they are with you. Is there a way to let the courts know this is going on in case there's a possibility of them putting a stop to it? ###### |
alright so, my dad has been very insistent that since i entered university, he needs to know where i am at all times. the options were either to live-share my location, or download one of those apps that inform you what your child is doing. and i tried to convince him otherwise. but it didn’t work out.
so what i actually did was i got a burner phone and installed it there, and my dad’s been tracking the burner phone instead. if for example, i’m doing something he disapproves of, like going out to lunch with friends, buying cigarettes, being in a bar, etc. i leave it with a friend who won’t be leaving university.
so when my dad travelled, i was going to sleepover in a friends house, and i told my dad i was pulling an all-nighter in my university, and gave it to a friend who was there studying.
and then my friend all travelled back to their home countries.
so that friend unthinkingly took the phone with him, and now my location shows up all the way across the globe. and my dad found that out yesterday, and was like wtf and assumed it to be a technological glitch - i told him it was probably because i use VPN’s.
well i told my girlfriend last night because i was finding it really funny that i was showing up in another country i clearly was not in, and she lost it at me and told me the reason my dad tracks me is because i do shit like this and therefore he can’t trust me, and that i should come clean.
AITA? ###### | NTA your dad sounds very controlling in an unhealthy way as you’re 20 and going out to lunch and stuff like that is very normal early twenties things to do. It’s your life now and you are free with it to do as you will. This is a huge red flag with your girlfriend that she sides with your controlling parent and if I were you I would be seriously reconsidering your relationship. ###### |
Hello. I bought my parents a house and specified that it was for both of them when I was giving it to them. I told them they could either live there together, or vacation there, or visit separately, I don’t care. But I promised them both half.
I just found out that my father lives there with his mistress and my mother doesn’t know but he makes her not feel comfortable when she brings up the idea to visit. By the way, they’re still married. Would I be the asshole if I gave him a warning and if he didn’t comply, kick him out?
To specify, I STRONGLY think it would be an asshole move which is why I haven’t done it yet. But I love my mum and I think she deserves to be able to visit whenever she wants, or at least half the time. ###### | NTA Your dad is not living up to the agreement for the house. You and your mom deserve respect. ###### |
Last year I saved up a ton of money and I decided to buy a tv for my room, snacks, and my sister’s mini fridge (she gave it to me for 50). I redecorated my room and I really love it.
My sisters hadn’t seen my room until earlier this year. They all love it. It was fine in the beginning. I let them come in with my permission, watch tv, and eat the snacks I bought (the ones I’m not the biggest fan of). The two other TV rooms were occupied by our parents so I understood.
But, after about two months, things started to go downhill. I’d wake up to them barging into my room to watch tv, I’d come home from runs and they’d be in there, I’d go to sleep with them still watching tv because they’d refuse to leave at night. They also always leave wrappers, mess up my bed sheets, and move around my bean bag chair.
I asked them to stop doing this multiple times, but they’re all acting like entitled, spoiled brats. Whenever I ask them to leave, they all give excuses like “I used to live here” or “I gave you the fridge” or “You never use it.” I reminded them that they all have iPhone, iPads, and Mac Books, but they say that my room is better. The final straw, however, was two weeks ago. I went for a run, and my sister asked if she could use my tv. I said no because they’d come in unannounced again the day before. I left and when I came back, they were all in there watching tv. I completely flipped out and yelled at them to leave. I asked my dad to fix the lock on my door and he did. But, when they discovered it, they all freaked out. They’re all calling me spoiled, entitled, and an AH (among other things).
AITA for putting the lock on to keep them out? ###### | NTA your dad even fixed the lock, isn't like you did it in secret
Just for curiosity, what age are you and your sisters? (In case that your father could help with the situation) ###### |
My estranged father is nearly impossible to get ahold of. I mean he maybe reaches out after my failed attempts once every few months. Well I live out of state and I was 8 months pregnant and my bf proposed. My father now refuses to talk to me because he feels disrespected that my bf did not ask his permission (or blessing) to propose. I personally find this to be an antiquated tradition that is disrespectful to me. Esp at 8 months pregnant and my dad not really being a major part of my life.
I so badly want to have a relationship with my dad even if it’s once in awhile. AITA or is he? ###### | NTA your dad doesn’t get to pick and choose when he gets to be a father. ###### |
A few weeks ago I (M16) took the online AP Physics 1 test, at home due to quarantine. My parents were both out at the time. While I was in the middle of the test, around the start of it, my brother (M19) decided to go into a room across the hallway and play a video of rock guitar music at full blast even though I made sure to remind everyone that I would be taking a test today. With a raised voice, I asked, “Can you turn it down?” And he doesn’t respond. I then ask yelling, “Please, turn it down!” And he says, “Shut up, I’m already in another room!” And then I say, “(brother’s name) FUCKING TURN IT DOWN! PLEASE!” And he doesn’t. I’m sitting in front of my computer with the timer still ticking and on top of being stressed and nervous from the test, I am agitated from my brother not listening to me, distracted by the loud guitar music, and increasingly agitated by the situation and the music a constant reminder of my brother not giving a fuck. After the test is done I’m more relieved than angry that the test is done, I’m in shock but glad that it’s over with. I chose not to confront him about it. Later that day he happily showed me the video he was watching, Tender Surrender by Steve Vai. I remarked on how that video was more important to him than my test (also silently judging him) but I was too tired to get angry. He shrugs it off, and I’m annoyed that he doesn’t apologize or show remorse.
Fast forward to two days ago I got the test results and I failed the physics test. I told my brother, “remember when I was taking an AP test and you were playing that loudass guitar music and asked you to turn it down? I failed that test and I hope you’re happy.” Later that day I tell my dad about it (imagine Candice tattletaling style ig) while my brother is in the room. My brother says that I’m whining and bitching and that it’s not his fault that I’m stupid and retarded. AITA? ###### | NTA your brother distracted you during a test then insulted you instead of apologising. ###### |
Okay so my boyfriend atm stays home and I work three 12s a week. That said, I like to meal prep so I don’t have to cook every day for my lunches.
Well, my boyfriend, WHO STAYS HOME ALL DAY, thinks it’s a good idea to eat my lunches while i’m at work. I’ve asked him to stop but he says, “But your food is so good. Plus why don’t you make more so I can have some?” I’ve told him multiple times that I’m stressed and that I can’t make more meals because it’s a lot of work.
So he continued to eat my food. I remember that he HATES spicy food while I really enjoy it. So what do I do? Add spice. A lot of it.
Last time he ate something of mine, he called me yelling at me. He said I was being an asshole and that I know he hates spicy food. I told him, “Tough. Stop eating my food then.”
Now he’s mad at me....
Tl;dr- After asking my boyfriend NOT to eat my meal prepped food, I purposely made my latest meal preps SUPER spicy and now my boyfriend says I’m an asshole. AITA? ###### | NTA your boyfriend is home all day and is too lazy to cook for himself while you, an essential worker I assume, has barely enough energy to make herself lunches so she can eat during a fucking pandemic. Not only do I not think you're an asshole, I think your boyfriend is showing you his true character here.
Also you might enjoy this: [https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html)
And the update: [https://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/update-a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html](https://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/update-a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html) ###### |
Throwaway, don’t want to be harassed by prolifers.
Had an abortion last February. Birth controlled failed, we both didn’t want to be parents.
It got brought up the other day and he was like “yeah Linda was shocked you had one.” (his mom) and I was really confused why he told his ultra conservative mom about it?
When I told him it made me uncomfortable that he told his family without telling me he said it wasn’t a big deal.
Here’s where I might be an asshole. I said it’s not his medical procedure to disclose in the first place and given it’s something people are heavily opinionated on I don’t think it’s fair he talked about it without telling me first, I told him I understand if he needed to vent about it but at least give me a heads up I guess? Especially to super pro life people I see for holidays? I haven’t told anyone in my family and I only told one of my friends who was curious about them. it’s just uncharted territory I guess. But he didn’t say sorry and said he didn’t see the big deal. I asked him if he regrets it or is upset by it and he literally says “no I don’t care, it just came up naturally”
AITA? I literally have no idea. ###### | NTA Your bf is a jerk. Your medical procedures are no ones business but yours. He has no right to discuss this without asking you first. ###### |
Am I the asshole for running away from my house.
So I’m a 17 M who lived with his parents. So my parents are very overprotective. My mom has life 360, checks my phone always, takes my phone at night, strong curfew and stuff like that. At 17 my curfew is 10.
So yesterday my girlfriend wanted to FaceTime me and talk. SHe is dealing with the loss of his mother from cancer and is having a very hard time dealing with it. We were talking for a very long time when I realized that it was 11 at night. I really did not care because I could tell that she was very upset and I want to comfort her. About and hour later my mom barges in and before I can even say anything she takes my phone and tells me I’m grounded.i tell her that I was talking to my girlfriend and trying to help her deal better. She says she does not care because I went over curfew and says I’m gonna get in even more trouble for talking back. I don’t know what happend but I just flipped. I yelled at her, I was just done. I took my phone and ran away from the house and ran it my girlfriend house. Now my mom is blasting my phone and saying she is coming to get me and I will never be let out of the house again.
Reddit Am I the asshole. ###### | NTA your almost an adult, I would hope your mom would learn to loosen the leash a bit and have you learn how to take care of yourself. Also, you were comforting your gf, that is not a crime and it was insensitive in my opinion of her to take away your phone. I'm glad you were there for your gf during that time. ###### |
So there’s a new bubble tea store in Melbourne where they charge you for your cup size (regular $5.50, large $7.50 and bucket $9), and you can fill it up with as many toppings or tea as you want.
The first time I went with my friend, I filled about a third of my cup with a bit of every topping and the rest with tea. I really like the jelly toppings and the pudding and I started craving it, so the next time I went, I bought a regular size cup for $5.50 and filled it with pudding and jelly and ate the whole thing for lunch. I also bought another cup and filled it with black pearls to take home for my siblings because they love pearls a lot. But I feel like the worker there thought I was trying to take advantage or cheat the system as she made many comments like ‘oh are you going to fill it up only with toppings... I see..’, ‘don’t be embarrassed, some people fill the bucket size with toppings so you’re not as bad’. But she gave me the side eye quite a few times.
I just don’t really like the tea flavours from that place and would rather just eat their toppings and obviously the toppings cost only a fraction of the selling price so it’s not like they’re at a loss either.
AITA for filling my cup with only toppings because I was craving the toppings? WIBTA if I did that again? ###### | NTA your allowed to do it, otherwise they’d have a policy against it and stop you. If it happens again and by chance with the same person serving you have every right to take this to management as a paying customer being harassed for purchasing a product ###### |
Mom and dad separated when I (33m) was 3. He was in my life as an occasional weekend dad until my teen years. Started drifting until there was no contact by my late teens. He skipped my high school graduation, said he was "too sleepy". Didn't even invite him to my college graduation.
During grad school he reached out and we began having weekly phone conversations. I was genuinely excited, thought we could have a beer or something as adults After a number of these he asked me for $, I was a broke ass grad student and told him that. He stopped calling.
Fast forward 10ish years to the fall of 2019 and he called me out of nowhere leaving a voicemail saying he wanted to reconnect. I ignored it, I figured that the moment had passed. I asked my 2 older sisters if they wanted to reach out, they also passed. I figured he is either dying and wants absolution or needs $. Didn't want any part of it tbh.
2 weeks ago my mom calls and tells me she heard from a mutual former coworker that my dad had passed. I felt guilty because he had reached out and I just ignored it.
Without any way of confirming, I tracked down a cousin via Facebook and asked. I have no relationship with that side of the family. They cut us out when my parents separated. So it was an awkward "hi, I think I'm your cousin", she informed me that my dad was not only alive but living with her about 4 hours north of me.
Apparently she told people and I got a bunch of messages from cousins that I don't know urging me to reach out. I ended up going camping about an hour away from where they live this past weekend and when I posted a picture the messages went from encouraging to hostile. Calling me cold for not reaching out while being so close, apparently they told him what's going on so he is sad about it.
I am not really interested in having a relationship. I just wanted to know because not knowing is harder. AITA? ###### | NTA your “family” that you only just met don’t have the rights to get mad at you for this. it’s YOUR relationship with YOUR dad. you didn’t even know he was alive, just wanted to double check. nothing wrong with that. in fairness i probably wouldn’t want contact with anyone who i thought was dead but then found out was alive ###### |
I am a 16 year old male. I live with my joint family which consists of my mom (40) and dad (41) grandfather (68) grandmother (68) great grandmother (91) and also my great grand father who passed away last year at the age of 96.
We live in a very small house with respect to the number of my family members.
Hence, I dont have my own room in my own house.
My grandfather has a liver disease since a year and a half after a bypass surgery. My grandmother had a knee surgery recently and also has another one this year. My great grandmother does not have any diseases but is quite old. My mother has to take care of them and so she does not work. My father owns a business that is not doing that well currently thanks to covid-19. I was studying for an extremely important exam this year which I had to ace to get into a good college. And because of that exam I could not even go anywhere for some fun because I had to STUDY. For reference the last movie I went to see with my friends was about 3 years ago.
When the day of my final exam came, our nation went into quarantine and my 2.5 month holidays went down the drain. I now am looking after my grandparents and helping my mother in housework alongside studying for my 1st college year. Everyday I have to sit infront of my grandfather for hours just to be there if he needs anything. I havent met my friends since months and my privacy is literally 0.
I am completely fed up of everyone in my house. They feel that it is my obligation that I should look after my family. I literally have to sleep in my grand parents' room beacuse there is no room for me. I have 0hours to myself alone and the only time I get to think about myself is in the bathroom.
STILL MY FAMILY THINKS THAT I AM LIVING A LUXORIOUS LIFE AND THAT I AM UNGRATEFUL AND I AM LAZY AND UNHELPFUL BRAT.
AITA? ###### | NTA You’ve worked hard and took care for your family, it’s only fair if you have some time alone. ###### |
First time ever writing in!
Background:
I rent a room in a house shared by 4 people. We’re all college students and didn’t know each other prior to renting(we each pay rent to the landlord separately.) I’ve lived here for a little over 2 years now and have definitely become friends with my roommates. Last year, one of them decided to get a cat. We were all fine with it and the landlord didn’t care, so she adopted a sweet little guy from the humane society.
I’ve never been a huge cat-person, but sometimes I’d feed/play with him if she wanted to leave for a few days. We all have a friendly relationship, but I wouldn’t say we’re close. Also relevant, I love plants and have quite a collection of beautiful house plants. When she got the cat, I moved them all to my room and make sure to keep my doors closed because some of them are toxic to animals.
On to the story:
A few days ago, I went to work-I’m a receptionist at a medical office and am the only one in my house that still physically has to go to work every day. When I came home, the entire house was in a state of panic. One of my other roommates had gone into my room to borrow a pair of scissors and accidentally left my door open. At some point, the cat walked into my room, chewed on my pothos and got really sick. He was taken to the vet and is currently recovering and is doing just fine.
My roommate now wants to charge me for the vet bill because my plants made her cat sick. Although yes, I did know that they were toxic to animals, I’ve had some of these plants for years and wasn’t going to get rid of them because she wanted to bring a cat into our home. I told her that it’s unreasonable to blame me for HER pet going into MY room. I took precautions by always closing my door.
I told her that if she wanted to blame anyone, it should be our other roommate who left the door open.
Now she’s mad at me for ‘getting her cat sick’ and my roommate is mad at me for blaming them. AITA? ###### | NTA you’ve done exactly what you should to protect her cat, and your other roommate shouldn’t have gone in your room in the first place. If she wants help with the bills, that’s on the roommate who invaded your privacy. ###### |
So here's the thing- I've been dating this girl for only a few months. I was going to get her a kayak for her birthday. Word got out that I was going to get her a kayak, so it kind of got ruined. She likes the idea of it though so that's still cool. I'm thinking about just switching it up and getting her something completely different now but I still want to get her a kayak regardless so we can go use them together.
Now here's where it gets a little fucked up- my kayak is really nice and it's in good shape- but I always wanted one more designed for fishing- rod holders and whatnot. More storage. I was thinking about getting myself a new kayak and letting her use my old one - and have it not have anything to do with her Birthday- just get her something completely different and she STILL gets a kayak.
I also added that we've only been together a short time because this is the first birthday we're going to be together for and I think maybe getting her something a little more personal or romantic than a kayak might be a better idea anyway.
So let's hear it.. how much of an asshole am I?? ###### | NTA you’ve assessed correctly that hand-me-down boats are not good birthday gifts. They are very good “I want to go kayaking with you and I’d love for this to be your kayak” gifts. Keep it separate from the b-day, make sure you emphasize that this is about sharing your hobby with her and not getting rid of your old junk. You’ll be ok. ###### |
This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and I'm still pissed from work. I'm a girl.
My new job is a very labor intensive job, moving heavy objects, pushing carts, packing shipping boxes. It's summer in the south on top of that, so it's hell hot. So of course I'm sweating with all the manual labor and the lack of ventilation in a metal sweatshop for 8+ hours a day.
I have a 'normal' type of deodorant, a 24 hours active sense one. Though, due to circumstances I can't get to the store and I ran out. I have a backup, a men's old spice one, I bought it because I like the smell. Very pine woodsy. It's a good cover all, and no matter how much I swear it works wherever my normal one I use when I know I am not going to be sweating alot, because I don't want to force people to smell my body odor of onion bagels.
So because of how much I sweat, I've been using the old spice one. No more B.O! Everything was fine, my male co-workers, I work with mostly teenage boys, never noticed. Until today where do to an absence in the second shift I got to work in the less labor intensive area.
Today I sat down with the girls to unwrap CDs , and one of them commented how it smells like a guys here.
Me: oh yeah, I used old spice. I'd rather you not smell me, lol.
This girl, we'll call her Anna, freaked the fuck out. A few seemed bothered and one of them told me it reminds her of her dad.
Things were said such as 'its unnatural, there's perfectly good girls deodorant!" And " are you gay?" And basically how I was a bitch because normal girls use floral deodorant and things designed for women and men had their own things made for them.
To me, it's fucking deodorant. I've know a few girls to do use ax, so why is this a thing? Still, I can't help but wonder if I'm a minority here.
AITA for using the 'wrong' deodorant? ###### | NTA You’re right, that is freakin stupid. Why would they care? They reacted like it’s the 1950s. It’s hardly scandalous. Next thing you know they’ll be expressing shock at women wearing pants. ###### |
Me and my fiancé live in small neighborhood and we have three dogs. We’ve never really been friendly with our across the street neighbors, apart from the occasional smile and wave when we see them outside.
Last night they did fireworks for about 2 or 3 hours in the road in front of their yard. Me and my fiancé sat on our porch and watch for a bit before quickly realizing they were shooting them directly at our house. A piece of debris landed less than a foot in front of my fiancé . We literally HEARD THEM acknowledge that they were landing in our yard, so we just assumed that they would pick them up when finished. We ended up going inside because everything was landing too close for comfort.
When I got off work today I found that they had completely cleaned up THEIR yard, but our yard was full of trash. There were at least 6 bottle rockets spread from the front yard, across the porch, and the backyard. 5-6 smoke bombs had been rolled into our yard. Multiple pieces of debris and leftover pieces with gunpowder scattered across our yard. We have three dogs, one of which has already had an exploratory surgery for eating garbage. Any of those things easily could have killed our dogs. I was livid.
I grabbed a grocery bag and picked up all the trash out of my yard (half a grocery bag full of garbage ), stapled a note to it, and placed it back in their yard next to the trash bags of their trash. The note read:
“Please do not shoot fireworks into our yard and then leave your trash. Our dogs could get seriously sick if they are any of this. This is all trash I picked up out of my yard from your fireworks. Next time aim them at your own house or pick up your trash when finished. Thank you”.
They ripped the note off , crumbled it up and shoved it into our mailbox.
Am I the asshole here? I mean I’ll admit it’s petty, but it’s pretty trashy (no pun intended ) to leave your neighbors yard full of trash.
For clarification: these were the neighbors across the street. ###### | NTA you’re nicer than me. I would have dumped it all over their yard. ###### |
Picture it....
With all of my extra time, I have become ( or so I think) a master landscaper- working nonstop on my yard.
Its today, April 1.
I causally look out my front window with my dog. Something has his attention, and I notice an old woman walking her dog, who’s not so casually sniffing around my yard.
This dog is going to shit on my pride and joy yard. The empty soul of a gambler in me, takes the money line that this dog is going to shit in my yard and I parlay it with she’s not going to pick it up +500.
The dog begins to circle. Here we fucking go!!! Game on.
The little Dude finishes up and the owner- no surprise, continues on with her walk.
With the limited social contact I’ve had, I’m excited for the opportunity to introduce myself to this old lady.
I grab a bag, pick up the dogs mess, follow her down the street and give her back the mess she didn’t pick up.
Me: Excuse me, hi. Yes
You left this on my yard.
She acted like she had no idea what had happened
“Oh my, really? I can’t believe that. I don’t think it was me.”
Me: I watched you let it happen, and then you walked away. Here, you can have this back. ::hands bag of shit to old lady:: have a nice day!
While walking back to my house, I felt like an asshole. Did I really just chase an old lady down to scold her for not picking up dog shit? Who am I?
It’s fucking gross that people don’t pick it up, it’s infuriating to me since I always pick up after my dog.
Am I the asshole?
TL:DR an old lady let her dog shit in my yard, I chased her down to give it back to her. AITA? ###### | NTA you’re doing the lords work ###### |
I (15M) live with my little sister (11F) and mother.
My mother and little sister argue A LOT. My little sister does show some problems with anger and will start yelling very easily.
One of the most recent very bad arguments was about her bed time. I was not present as it happened in my mom’s room, but I could most definitely hear both of them screaming at each other.
After, my little sister told me she had been pinned against the bed. Though I didn’t see it, so I can’t confirm that, it is very possible that could have happened.
I went into my mother’s room, and this conversation followed:
Me: “Can I say something that you might not like? About arguing with [my littler sister]?”
Mother: “Yes”
Me: “I think it would be better if you tried to keep your cool more. She’s never gonna learn to regulate emotions if her role model for that is yelling a lot too”
Mother (now annoyed): “Just get out, [my name]”
She was cold to me for the rest of the day and when I brought it up to my aunt I was also told I was an asshole for “disrespecting my own mother”.
However, I really tried to do it respectfully and didn’t think I came off as rude.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA you’re absolutely right. That’s why she reacted that way to you ###### |
I’m a 25 year old guy, responsible with my money and have great credit. I opened a joint bank account with my dads name on the account back when I was 16 and working my first ever job. I use the same account now, mostly just for convenience. I don’t want to have to update my payment info on iTunes, Amazon, student loans, etc.
So anyway, I woke up this morning and found my parents had went in and taken $1500 out of my account without telling me. They had booked a vacation for our family next month and needed to borrow it due to not having enough in their own account. I know they’ll pay it back, they always do. But I wish they had told me first. I was going to use that to buy some car parts, and now I have to wait for them to repay me, however long it takes. I’m not mad, just annoyed and thinking I’m at the age where I should have a bank account without my dads name on it. They’re great parents and do a lot for me, but I’m starting to not like how they have access to my account and can see my balance and recent purchases at my age. AITA? ###### | NTA you’re a goddamn adult. Get your own bank account and take control of your own money. ###### |
so i've (17M) picked up casual gaming again, mostly just simulator games like animal crossing and the sims. recently i downloaded a mobile game called obey me! shall we date because i'd been seeing it a while from friends and i thought it looked pretty fun. it's an otome game where you are an exchange student to hell have the option to date demons. pretty fun.
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i have family link on my phone, so my mom has to approve apps that i download. i sent a request for obey me! shall we date and she approved it. i assumed she read through the game content and didn't have a problem with it. **however**, this was not the case. the next day she asked to talk to me and essentially berated me for wanting to date demons, and expressed that she was disappointed in me playing a game related to occult things. i tried to explain that it was just a game, but she's of the opinion that i will become demon possessed if i continue to play it.
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personally, i don't think it's that big of a deal. this game is one of the most fun games i've played in a while. it’s not r-rated. in any case, why would she approve the app if she had a problem with it ? i feel like it's unfair to say i can have it and then suddenly change her mind. ###### | NTA you’re 17 years old. Your parents need to loosen the reigns. A lot ###### |
My girlfriend is a physician assistant. She makes good money and she is satisfied with her job. She does feel regret about going into PA though. She hated school and chose to do PA since it had less schooling than medicine. So her heart wasn’t in it to begin with, which is her fault. It’s been a few years and she wants to find a new career. She told me a few days ago that she wants to open a boba/shaved ice shop. Her parents run a convenience store and a small restaurant in our city so she’s already been interested in that. She helped her parents run the business while she was young so I do feel like she’ll excel. But I think she’s throwing away something good that she already has. She makes 90k at age 27. She doesn’t hate her job. We live a good life and I don’t want to make sacrifices for this. If she hated her job, I would agree and would even invest in it. But she herself has told me that she likes her job. She’s also really good at it. Her parents suggested that she can run the restaurant and offer new products while still working as a PA part time. But she doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want to work under her parents. If she went with this route, I would also support her because her parents are established and have a clientele. I’m trying to compromise. I don’t want my life style to change and we were going to try for kids soon. Clearly we can’t anymore.
Edit: also this means she’s going to quit her job and we will live on a one salary (mine) ###### | NTA you’d be living off of just your income for who knows how long + it’s just a pretty risky move ###### |
I am a trans woman who transitioned when I was a teenager and have been living as a woman for the last 10 or so year. My father had never been incredibly accepting but has long since accepted that this is happening.
Now my step sister is getting married and both my father and brother are vowing to boycott the wedding if I am allowed to attend in a dress and other associated female formal attire.
However, the bride and groom have no problem with me attending in male or female attire they just want me there. But the behavior of my family is putting me in a position where I have to choose between being there for my step sister and ruining the wedding. As it’ll be a cold day in hell before I insult myself by going to any event in a suit and tie ###### | NTA you're not ruining the wedding by being yourself, your father and brother are by making it about their transphobia and not the bride and grooms special day ###### |
So I live in a small flat with just one other roommate (female). Three months ago, she started dating this new guy and recently he's been staying over just about every night and staying through the day as well (sometimes even while my roommate is at work). He works ridiculous hours and often finishes work past midnight and wakes me up almost every time he gets home. My roommate has also given him his own key, so that he can come and go when his shifts start and finish.
I recently confronted my roommate about this, stating that I shouldn't have to deal with him waking me up when he doesn't live here. She told me that he's too tired to drive back to his house, which is over 30 mins away, and that it makes more sense for him to crash at our place and to stay throughout the day until his next shift the following night. Also, given that they both work so much, the only way they get to see each other (in her eyes) is for him to come to our place, rather than for her to go to his.
I don't necessarily have a problem with him sleeping at my place if he feels it's too dangerous to drive home. I don't want him to get in a car crash. And I definitely don't have a problem with the boyfriend as a person, as he seems like a really friendly, respectful guy. My only concern is that he's basically living here when he isn't contributing to any bills. I asked my roommate if she would consider limiting his visits to 4 days/nights at the most, but she refused to consider it.
Am I being unreasonable and should I just let them be happy? Or is my roommate being selfish?
So in summary, AITA for asking my roommate to stop inviting her boyfriend over so much? ###### | NTA You're not being unreasonable AT. ALL.
The fact that he's disrupting your sleep, he's basically living there, she's also given him his own key?
4 nights a week is generous and she's not even considering it? She's TA.
What exactly is her reason that it's better for him to come over than her go over? ###### |
A little background: I (20) grew up in a family of Christians farmers and handy workers. I was seen as "very smart" so they had high hopes for me. They are really traditional and we are french.
So when I was about 7 I went to my uncle house and didn't want to kiss them ( they thought I was being impolite and rebellious) while my stepbrother did. They screamed at me and kept making me feel guilty for that since I was about 16.
When I was 14, I was diagnosed with school phobia along with social anxiety and saw a therapist. I am now offiacially diagnosed with those, alongside with "high functioning autism" and cptsd which is why I can't stand physical contact.
They said I can't have any of those because they never saw me crying or having a panic attack, and that all autistic poeple are "dumb and drooling everywhere" and I just use that as an excuse because I'm lazy (while forcing me to study subjects i'm not good at).
My mom has a high sense of family and what it means and wants me to texts them (and her) often, to go to their house when I'm not far from home for studies. I am kind of scared of her because she is a huge part in what caused my cptsd.
I'm really lost in what I should do, I was raised to think about family first but that is only one of the traumatic events I went through, being LGBT in this kind of traditional family.
AITA for wanting to cut ties with my family? ###### | NTA You're never an asshole for wanting to cut toxic people out of your life. They treated you horribly. and now they have to accept the consequences of their actions. ###### |
We are vacationing at the beach. My father in law is obsessed with getting sticky buns from the local bakery every time we are here. The last few days he has taken my son with him to try to get the delicious treats but comes back empty handed because the lines were always really really long.
Today he decides to go really early so he can get there when the bakery opens. He decides to wake up my son, and I stop him, saying it's only 6am and my son needs his sleep. My father in law gets angry, throws up his hands and storms out.
Just my luck, he had already disturbed his sleep so as soon as he left my son wakes up. I'm so annoyed.... AITA here? ###### | NTA you're looking out for your son's best interests. And today is now your opportunity to ask him if he wants his grandpa to wake him up at 6am on future mornings to go to the bakery :) ###### |
I (40 M) have a female friend (32) that I used to work with. We became very good friends and have ventured into possible FWB waters a few times. I didn't find out until afterwards, she was initially hired for her job by a dude based on him being a "sugar daddy." Funny thing is he claims to be this big shot former hockey player - when I got curious, I searched him. Mr. Big time played one year of college hockey in the late 70s.
When she worked for him, he refused to pay her an hourly wage, then said "well I'm paying for her apartment." He would call her into his office randomly during the day just to paw at her and grab her. He's an alcoholic and would say "yeah, let's go to lunch," then she'd text me at like 6:00 telling me they were supposed to go get lunch, and ended up at the bar all afternoon. Since he's the older rich guy, he tries to tell her who she's allowed to talk to.
Oh, and he's married. His wife is the VP of his company. She's also an alcoholic; he'll get her good and shitfaced early in the day so he can spend time with my friend. Then when his wife wakes up, he'll drop my friend off and go play hubby.
She text me maybe 30 minutes ago and tells me "hey good news, he might be hiring me back." I responded and pointed out what an asshole he is, how he treated her, and how he didn't even pay her. Am I the asshole for looking out for a friend? Or should I just say "ok" and let her make that mistake again? ###### | NTA You're her friend, first and foremost it sounds like, and advising a friend against being in a relationship where you're used like that is the kind of things friends do. That being said, you'll also ruin the friendship if you press too hard... so make sure she knows your opinion and that she has your support regardless. In the end, she's the one in charge of her life and the decisions she makes, even the bad ones. ###### |
So I created a throwaway cause Ill be reveling some facts that would me easy to dox if I used my normal reddit account.
Im a Civilian and I work for the US Army in Korea. Recently due to COVID19 I was put under what they call a Public Health Emergency which has placed restrictions on what Im allowed to do. One of those restrictions is Im not allowed to go to any bars. If I do so and get caught I get banned from all US Military bases which translates into me getting fired.
In addition to that the US Military has undercover military police patroling popular areas looking for violators and people are losing their careers over this. To add to this my job involves me working with the military police so Im confident if I broke the rules and someone saw me id be reported.
My girlfriend of 2 yrs is a Korean citizen and also she lives with me. The rules do not apply to her.
She went out drinking with her girlfriends. She got drunk and told me I needed to come pick her up from the bar. She was in a popular area and its very likely undercover police were watching the bar she was at. I didnt think it was a good idea to risk my career to get her. I told her to take a taxi.
Apparently im the asshole for refusing to pick her up. What do you think?
O she wasnt stranded. She ended up getting a taxi home just fine. ###### | NTA you're definitely not in the wrong here, why would you risk your job when she could easily get a taxi home. If she was completely stranded then I'd understand her annoyance but since she had alternative methods to get home you've done nothing wrong. Plus even if she had no alternative method to get home, it's still a dickmove from her to put you in a situation where you had to choose between your job and helping her out. It's not like you forced her to go out drinking so why should you face severe consequences for it. ###### |
I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for about 4 months now. This is our only real problem right now.
The small arguments we had, he refused to talk about it and 'solved' it by getting me flowers and chocolates, or another gift. The first time I thought he was maybe nervous, or wanted to keep the peace since this was our first argument. But it's happened several times.
I told him it makes me uncomfortable, that instead of learning how to navigate problems together and communicate effectively it feels like he just wants to 'buy forgiveness' and move on.
He said something pretty offensive about my family last week, I explained why I didn't like what he said and asked if we could talk about it. He told me he didn't want to fight and hung up, and showed up the next day with a pretty expensive necklace. I told him it's a nice gesture, but I don't want a necklace, I want us to be able to talk about these things. He got frustrated and left, calling me ungrateful.
The next day he sent a bouquet of flowers. We're both getting frustrated at this point. But I don't think we can just keep doing this, we have an argument, he buys me something, we move on and never talk about it? That doesn't seem healthy.
AITA for not just forgiving him? ###### | NTA you're absolutely right. Instead of confronting the issue, he's trying to buy you off. It's not healthy. ###### |
My (21F) friend (20M), whom I’ve been friends with for 10 years, has been dating his girlfriend, let’s call her Julia, for a about 5 months. I don’t particularly like her and I’ve seen a few red flags. She treats him like a servant and constantly makes fun of him in front of his friends. Nevertheless he seems happy and I normally don’t meddle with people’s relationships. Their relationship, their rules.
My friend recently turned 20 and he decided to throw a garden party. We were all sitting at one table playing drinking games. The topic of sex came up. Julia and one her friends started to whisper to each other, but half of the table could still hear them. She made fun of her boyfriend because he was still a virgin when they got together and how she has to teach him everything in bed. Luckily my friend didn’t her her. He would have been crushed as this was always something he was very insecure about.
I didn’t say anything at that point because I didn’t want to spoil the mood completely but after the party was over I took her aside. I told her that to take such issues up with her boyfriend and told her that this was extremely disrespectful and disgusting and a violation of his trust. She shrugged and walked off. I don’t know what she told my friend but on the next day I was blocked by him and he doesn’t answer his landline.
AITA for saying something? ###### | NTA you were respectful and pulled her aside. You were honest. She walked away without saying anything and immediately probably ran to your friend and spun a whole bs story turning you into a horrible person before you could talk to him and tell him what really happened. He cut you off without talking to you because she probably insisted he do it or she did it for him. Hopefully he will reach out and actually talk to you. Would be shitty of him to toss a 10 year friendship out over a toxic gf he’s only been with less than 6 months. ###### |
This story is a couple years old but it's been on my mind lately. For reference, my boyfriend and I were about sixteen or seventeen when this happened if that's important.
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So my bf and I were going to hang out at his place and I had called in an order of Chinese for us to pick up, I think it was like one sesame chicken and one veggie lo mein (not very much food.) As neither of us drove we were reliant on our folks for rides, and his mother had offered to drive him out to pick me up from my house and drive us back to theirs. He had asked her if it was alright if we stopped at the Chinese food place on the way back to pick up our order, and she said that was fine.
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She picked me up and they waited in the car while I went in and got the food. She seemed fine when I got back in the car, but as we were driving back she made it a point to say to my bf that when his father orders food, he is always polite and orders enough for everyone, all while maintaining eye contact with me in the rear view mirror. I just sat there with a deer in headlights look and didn't really say anything, because what do you say when your boyfriend's mom insinuates you're being rude? We retreated as soon as we got to his place and ate alone, but his mother was weird towards me until I left.
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I was talking to my sister about this recently and she told me that she could see where his mother was coming from, but I feel like since I was a kid who didn't have a job it wasn't really my responsibility to feed the house? Especially since like 7 people lived with him, so it wouldn't have just been feeding one or two extra people.
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So Reddit, AITA for only buying enough food for myself and my boyfriend, and not food for his family? ###### | NTA you were kids trying to have a dinner date...his Mom was the rude one. ###### |
My 3 year old daughter loves to spend time at my mom's house but my mom has never been the "good" parent, she has always tried hard to be the fun one no matter what. Over the last year or so she ha taught my daughter my daughter many bad habits that have been hard to break. Some notable ones are, she taught her to fight by putting up fists and asking her if she wants to fight. My daughter now will come up to you and say let's fight then punch you in the jaw. She has taught her pee outside because she's little enough to not make it a problem. But now to the point, the last straw. This morning I dropped her off there to play while mom and I worked. When I got there she instantly tried teaching her that "someone stop her she's dancing like a stripper" song. I sternly told her not to teach her that and left it at that. An hour later I got a Snapchat from her of my daughter singing it. I told her again it doesn't matter if you say she can only sing it there. She will sing it in public and I don't want that. I got no response. After work my wife calls me and tells me my mom called her and asked our daughter to sing her the song. Further proving she made her memorize this. Then my mom called my wife a bitch for telling her not to fucking teach her this stuff.
Her calling my wife a bitch was the last straw. I went to her house and told her exactly what I thought. I told her our daughter is not going there any more until she thinks about what she is teaching her. As I was leaving my mom told me if she sees my wife in public she's gonna beat her ass.
At that point I flipped. I screamed at her to act her age and stop being a shitty person.
Now I can't sleep thinking maybe I should have defended my mom even a little. AITA?
Also sorry for the long post. ###### | NTA You were completely justified in defending you wife, and telling your mother what she can't teach your child. Your best bet is going to be going NC for a while, and she is she's willing to change after a timeout. If this is a lifelong issue, then there may be no helping her, but you'll probably feel guilty if you don't give her a chance.
If your wife ever needs to vent, send her over to r/justnomil and have her post some stories. It's a very supportive community. ###### |
My (16m) mom is registered as a foster mom for emergencies. We've had many kids stay at our house for short periods of time. Usually it would be one kid at a time. However, last year, my mom was asked to temporarily let 3 kids stay with us. The mother of the 3 kids recently had a psychosis and the kids had no other family members living in the country. We were all a bit more emotionally connected to these kids, because they were the youngest we ever housed (6,7 and 10). Good news, after three months their mom recovered and they were allowed to go live with her again, but it only lasted shortly as their mom quickly relapsed again. Now my mom has just been asked if she wants to care for the children indefinetly, as their mom's current situation is not very promising.
My mom just asked me and my siblings about our opinion, but I was the only one who didn't want it. I told my mom my primary reason was because of the lack of space, and also because my parents are already quite old (my mom is 59 and my dad is 65) So I can't imagine that they'll be able to raise these young kids until they reach the age of 18.
some more info: I live in a 4 bedroom house with 3 other siblings and my parents. I have always had to share a room with my younger brother but my sister is leaving for college next year and I would finally have my own room. If the 3 kids come live with us, they will have to share one room, and my brother and I will have to share a room until I go to college. Especially now it's very stressful being around so many people and I can't imagine always living like this. ###### | NTA you were asked your opinion, and you gave it. It's a valid opinion to have, you live in the house and deserve to be heard. ###### |
So my husband and I currently live in an apartment, but we’ve been looking to move into a house so that we can have kids, and they would get a yard and all that comes with a house. We’ve found a house that meets most of our criteria, but there is one problem. The house is ancient. It was built in the 1800s, and it still only had a wood furnace and wood stove. Meaning that we would have to cook on a wood stove. Our agreement is that I cook 4/7 days a week, he cooks 2/7 and we get takeout or eat out for one. But he’s pretty lazy about keeping up his side of that and I don’t really mind cooking so it’s more like I cook 5 or 6 days and we get takeout one.
I’m not resentful of that, he has a much more intensive job and is tired at the end of the day, but it does mean I feel I should get more say when it comes to what we have to cook on.
The reason this house is good for us is it’s cheap for the area while not being too small. But if we move I want to upgrade the stove to gas or electric(probably electric as the house doesn’t have gas). He says it’s a waste of money and ruins the charm of the house. I do not want to deal with the hassle of cooking on a wood stove. I can put up with the furnace, although that’s annoying too, I have enough to worry about while cooking, I don’t want to try and keep the fire at the right heat to cook on.
I said if we don’t replace the stove then I wouldn’t be cooking. He said it’s unfair and he’s just trying to save money. It’s not going to hurt us too much to replace the stove, we’re buying the house full cash, and will have enough leftover.
AITA? ###### | NTA you use it way more often so you're the one who has to deal with it, stoves don't cost much and if he really wants to save more then get a separate hob unit and use a slow cooker or similar to replace the need for an oven, works well for us. ###### |
Recently broke up with my gf because she was super abusive. Her sister is also abusive towards her fiancé and it comes from their abusive dad. A couple days after we broke up, the sisters fiancé texted me and asked what happened. I told him how abusive my ex was and I gave him examples of why. Less than a week later, his engagement was called off suddenly for unknown reasons. He then told me he realized that he was in the same shoes as me and didn’t notice that his relationship was toxic. He said he was happy and thanked me for opening his eyes.
The rest of the family found out and are blaming me for breaking apart the couple. I’ve been accused of ruining the sisters life. I told them it was the fiancés decision and I’m not responsible. They disagree and accused me of spreading lies to get back at my ex. I don’t feel bad at all but my friends tell me that I should have stayed out of it and that I’m an asshole.
BTW both the sisters and the dad are in denial that they are abusive and manipulative. So they truly believe that I fucked everything up.
AITA? ###### | NTA you told the truth and he was lucky he realized before getting married he was in the same situation. ###### |
My (f17) sister (f34) and her husband (m37) have been staying at my parents house for a couple of months, mom absolutely loves having my sister at her home she's given her and husband a very big welcome and cooked their favorite meals everyday.
While staying at home, feeling bored I decided to do a "makeover" and give myself an at-home haircut, Honestly, I've never touched my hair before, But not being able to go to the salon has made feel depressed.
My hair was shoulder-length, now it's short, pixie style, I'd say it was a seccuss, cause while we were all sitting having dinner, Everyone started complimenting my "new haircut" eccept for my brother in law (sister's husband),
And because of him being a sarcastic asshole who doesn't mind hurting people's feelings, he had a different opinion on my haircut, and said " Honestly, It could've been worse!".
"Excuse me, I DID NOT ask for your opinion, and everybody knows why".
BIL: Because I hate lying?, unlike everybody else?
Sister started motioning him to stop, but he wanted to escelate.
Dad: We didn't lie, we like it.
BIL : seriously, don't lie about where you got your haircut, you could ruin that person's career!
I was stunned, sis told him to shut up, but he continued to harras me, So I got off my chair and went upsatirs, about a few minutes later he knocked on my door, said he wanted to apologize, what a hypocrite, he lied, he didn't "want to apologize" my sister told him to.
He put on his "sorry face" apologized and told me my hair looks fantastic. And he sounded totally fake while saying that.
I pretended to be "okay" and before he walked out he turned around and said "piece of advice, Do not take a selfie showing your friends your new haircut, they'll envy you" and he sounded...God, I'm so offended, he was very sarcastic so I knew he ment to offend me once again, I know he's an asshole, But Am I overreacting? ###### | NTA you told him you didn’t appreciate him being rude and he continued to be rude. You’re not an asshole for that ###### |
I honestly feel like I am living in the twilight zone so I really need input because I don't know if I am being a dense asshole or he is an asshole.
So we have a core friend group. It's me and my roommate (both 22f) and our guy friend Jon (23m). And due to the circumstances right now some changes have happened.
So our friend Jon lives in a one bedroom apartment and he is not good with not socializing for long periods of time.... Plus he has literally no family (mom died, dad left him for his new family). I have no family on this continent and my roommate has not a good relationship to her family... So we are like a family. Have known each other for 5 years.
So to the story there was a pipe burst in Jon's apartment so he called us to ask if he could stay with us. We said ofcourse. Roommate and I are staying in the living room together eitherway because sleeping alone during this time was fairing up our anxiety, which meant that we had a room free so he could sleep there.
He came over an hour later to stay with us. That same night I told my boyfriend of 5 months what happened. But to my surprise he got really really fucking upset with me because I didn't ask him or in his world.... "you didn't Consult me". Idk of its me beeing single for so long or what but I just don't get it. It was a last minute decision, we don't sleep in the same room and he is basically a roommate more. I am not attracted whatsoever to him neither he is to me. He is mad because he said that we should do this decisions together. AITA? ###### | NTA you told him literally the night it happened. You didn't hide it from him. What did he want, for you to ask him permission? You were helping the guy out in an emergency and it was a mutual decision between you and your roommate. You're not sharing a room. Your bf sounds a little controlling. ###### |
i have an insane amount of respect for my grandma. she’s such a strong female presence in my life- when my moms been toxic to me, she’s always tell my mom off and protect me.
she’s the daughter of immigrants and i’m 90% sure she was born in mexico herself. she was left by her husband, my grandpa, when my mom was little when he left her for his secretary. she raised 3 kids on her own, and then raised 2 more (my cousins/ her grandchildren) when her sons wife left too.
that being said, she’s old fashioned.
i’ve wanted to be a soccer player since i was 4 years old, and since i’ve trained nonstop and have spent countless hours on a soccer field. whenever i’d mention this dream she’d always scoff but i thought maybe it was just a temporary feeling.
recently, after i got a huge achievement in my soccer career (a couple of sports websites wrote something about a winning goal i scored), i visited her house for winter break.
she told me i shouldn’t be who i want to, because i’m a girl and that’s a mans job. she then proceeded to offer some other advice- that i should work to support my family and such.
i told her i want to work for myself, not for my future husband. she told me i was being irrational, so i told her she was being small minded and sexist.
my moms family immediately all started yelling at me for it, saying it wasn’t my place- tbh, everyone there sees her as a mother figure in some way. her two sons live at home- and there about to be 60.
now i feel really bad, because i accused her of something big over something not that massive. i understand, since she’s stuck in her ways and had to work a job for her family, maybe she thinks the same of me? after all, there’s no point in trying to move an immovable object.
my mom and her side says i was rude, but my dad and brother say i was right to speak up for myself.
reddit, AITA? ###### | Nta you spoke the truth. People need to be called out sometimes in order to change their old thinking ###### |
Asking for a friend who does not have Reddit.
My neighbor and I have lived in the same subdivision for over fifteen years. We used to be friendly because our kids were friends, but as they grew apart, so did we. We were never especially close, she’s one of those people who asks for advice and then does what she wants anyway, which can be frustrating and part of why I never wanted to be overly involved in her drama. This all came to a head two years ago, when she asked me to come with her to another neighbor’s kid’s graduation party and neither me nor my kid wanted to go (not only that, but we really hadn’t been invited, except as an afterthought via text the day before). For whatever reason, this really upset her, and we haven’t spoken since.
Out of the blue yesterday, I get a phone call from her husband asking if I would make them all face masks because I’m “so creative”. She then also called me and texted asking if I knew how to pay the homeowners dues (as I said, we’ve all lived here for almost 20 years - how could she not know?) I do sew and I made a few fabric face masks for relatives and a close friend. They’re probably not especially protective or official, but they’re cute and I made them for my friends/family as a gift, because I wanted to. They take a long time to put together, they’re kind of tedious, which is why I’m not going out of my way to make a bunch of them - they’re not really worth donating to hospitals or anything, as I said they’re more for a fun project than anything else.
I haven’t responded to either her or her husband yet, part of me feels guilty and that I should just do it, but another part of me feels like I don’t owe something to a woman who cut me off completely over two years ago. AITA? ###### | NTA you shouldn't have to do them a favor if you dont want to ###### |
I’m a 25 year old guy, responsible with my money and have great credit. I opened a joint bank account with my dads name on the account back when I was 16 and working my first ever job. I use the same account now, mostly just for convenience. I don’t want to have to update my payment info on iTunes, Amazon, student loans, etc.
So anyway, I woke up this morning and found my parents had went in and taken $1500 out of my account without telling me. They had booked a vacation for our family next month and needed to borrow it due to not having enough in their own account. I know they’ll pay it back, they always do. But I wish they had told me first. I was going to use that to buy some car parts, and now I have to wait for them to repay me, however long it takes. I’m not mad, just annoyed and thinking I’m at the age where I should have a bank account without my dads name on it. They’re great parents and do a lot for me, but I’m starting to not like how they have access to my account and can see my balance and recent purchases at my age. AITA? ###### | NTA you should have made your own account 7 years ago. ###### |
Sorry if this is rambling, I have no idea what to do and its stressing me out.
Long story short I did one of those DNA test to see what my genetic makeup was. However I got the results back today and it shows a parent/child relationship with a man I have never heard of. I've never had a child so that leaves the parent connection.
According my parents they dated for 3 months then accidentally ended up pregnant with me. They didn't love eachother and a baby wasn't a good enough reason to get married but they co-parented and fell in love over time. They got married when I was 4. I love both of my parents, they raised me in a house full of love and affection. All my friends tell me how cute my parents together, they simply love eachother and arent afraid to show affection. I've always joked that sometimes they act like teenagers in love.
Given the circumstances around my mom getting pregnant it's possible but I just don't want to think about that. I want the results to be wrong I wish I could take it back and never do this stupid test but I did and I can't change that. I'm in my late 20s/early 30s and an only child. I don't see how telling anyone would do anything besides cause a world of hurt and confusion in an already stressful time.
WIBTAH if I just never said anything to anyone? ###### | NTA you sent the test off, it doesn't require you to tell anybody the results. You are right nothing will be gained by telling this news, he is still your father even if you don't share DNA.
Now the tricky part may come if Dad ever takes the test and doesn't see a parent child connection to you. ###### |
My provincial government has released a 3.5 million dollar support fund for university students, and a 1.5 million dollar fund for indigenous students.
I couldn’t care less. Having a separate fund for indigenous students (who make up a decent percentage of the university population) will likely result in more money for all of us. So it may work out better for literally every student? At least that’s what I believe.
My mom sent the news article to our family chat, accompanied with “they don’t work and get free school. OP, aren’t you mad about this? You work your butt off to pay for school”. I went up to her in person and said that I already applied for funding so I don’t care, and that it was a really harmful thing to say in front of my 14 year old brother that “natives don’t work”.
She started bitching at me about how lazy they are and I said that she was being a racist and it’s disgusting. She stomped to her room and slammed the door to call my father. I just received an angry text saying that was disrespectful to call my mother a racist and I have no idea what racism is.
AITA for saying she’s racist?? ###### | NTA you said the truth. Very good to counteract that display of racisme in front of your younger brother ###### |
Beyond the city boundary there’s some mountainous woods, we’ve gone before once to collect stones & found silver and even onyx. This time we just went on a little hike. We found some amazing things. A real honest to god truffle and some other interesting shrooms. Later on we found another mushroom, Amanita muscaria. The famous cartoonish red mushroom..as a biologist doing my Master’s, my Mycology classes have of course drilled it into me to never ingest even a piece of these things. Well as she was examining it I walked a few steps away to take a quick piss and when I turned around it was quickly apparent that she had torn off a section of the veil! and she was about to pop it in her mouth, I screamed from right behind her NO DONT EAT IT and she dropped both the piece and her phone which was in the other hand onto some rocks and it cracked the screen pretty bad. At first she was a bit irritated but then when I told her why i yelled that and she calmed down. Then she saw her phone and got mad at me all over again and the rest of the hike was frosty. This morning she got up and left for work without even talking to me. AITA? ###### | Nta you said don't eat the mushroom, not drop your phone lol ###### |
20M here. My brother (16) has been in online class since our state closed schools for the year. Usually, I didn’t really keep up with him on his school work despite the fact that I regularly get his grades sent to my email throughout the school year.
About two weeks ago I noticed on his report then that he was missing 1 assignment in one class and his grade was a D. I didn’t reproach him about it or tell our parents then because he doesn’t listen to me and figured he’d be responsible enough to turn that grade around.
Fast forward to yesterday, his most recent report had him failing 2 classes and missing 4 assignments between the two of them. Without really pondering on it, I took a screenshot and sent it to both my mom and my stepdad (his biological father). My mom flipped out on him and my stepdad called him too to scold him.
I didn’t say anything about it to him at all, but he’s not an idiot, he knows I sent it to them. He didn’t get angry at me for it (at least not to my face). As of now, neither my brother nor my stepdad are speaking to me, but my stepdad’s silence is probably attributed to a fight him and I had 3 days prior. I kind of feel bad for the reaction he got, but I don’t regret doing what I did. AITA?
EDIT: When he first transferred to this school, the office needed an email to add their messaging list. I’m the only one of the four of us who has an email address that regularly checks it so I put mine down. For context, my parents are immigrants and English is not their first language. I usually handle communications between the school and us. ###### | NTA you put your email down for that reason. You fwd it to your parents so they could handle it. Unless it's your job to stay on top of him and school it was for them to handle ###### |
My flatmates girlfriend has been living here the past few weeks (not visiting- living here 24/7) and I told him today it's not cool and so he told her to leave. They have only been dating a short while (couple months) and she normally lives with her family.
For context: they don't just stay in their room- they occupy the common areas all the time. It is a small apartment for two people. For example we have a sofa for two people in the living room, when she is over I can't sit down and enjoy the TV as they are in there cuddling all the time.
Currently none of us are working also which exasperated the issue as we were seeing each other 24/7 and I felt like I had no personal space anymore. ###### | NTA you pay rent - she doesn't. You deserve to sit on your own damn couch. ###### |
(Throwaway of a throwaway because I forgot the password)
A few months ago my brother took me furniture shopping. He needed new chairs and found nice ones but said he can't afford it. I offered him to lend him a bit money he said no first but accepted it seconds later.
We then go to the cashier (already signed the contract on everything under my name since I had a customer card) and I ask him how much he is short. He then said he has no money with him and never carries anything with him. So I had to pay everything since I signed the contract!!!
I was really pissed that he tricked me..
Now we got the notification that the chairs are ready to pick up. But I'm thinking I only will give him the contract and pick up slip when I get my money back from him. If sure he'll be very mad and throw a tantrum since he's always short on money. But I also have to get my money back!
So wibta? ###### | NTA you paid for it so it is yours until you get the money you paid. ###### |
My sister and her boyfriend recently broke up because she’s pregnant and keeping it and he wants her to get an abortion. Apparently she doesn’t want to stay in his house anymore or he kicked her out(not entirely clear which), because she’s asking to stay with me.
Well I have a 2 bedroom apartment and my girlfriend and I sleep in separate rooms, so there’s no bedroom for her to stay in. I told her she would have to sleep on the couch and she said that would be “unacceptable” like she was making a hotel reservation.
I told her to fuck off and find another place to stay then and she got pissed and said she couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t sleep with my girlfriend for my own sister. That sentence is making me laugh now but I still told her to find somewhere else to go. My parents are now getting pissed at me because she has no where to go.
AITA?
Edit: she’s like 2 months pregnant, the sofa isn’t going to kill her ###### | NTA you offered her a place to stay. Beggars can't be choosers. ###### |
I (f30) and my husband (m30) are currently looking to buy our first home. We struggled financially early in our relationship, but now (years later) we are finally secure enough to make our first big purchase.
Now, why I may be TA. My mom is a very dependent person. She hasn’t worked in years and depends solely on her very small inheritance to support herself. I say very small because it’s not enough for her to live on her own with— she lives with a friend. Now that my husband I have decided to buy a house, she has it in her head that she will be moving in with us. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom, but my husband and I are trying to start a family soon and we cannot support her, a house, and a baby.
Would I be the asshole if I told her she can’t move in with us? ###### | NTA you need to be clear with her and set boundaries. Prepaid for the guilt trip. ###### |
I (22F) have a severely autistic brother who i intend to take care of for the rest of my life. I have very strict immigrant parents who have recently discovered that i have been dating a half-Australian, half-Vietnamese guy (22M) and my father (55M) has threatened to take my mother (51F) and brother away from me and move to another city if i don't break up with him. At the end of the year regardless of my decision to stay or go my entire family will be moving to another city.
My father has always been very controlling, when it comes to who i'm friends with, where i go, what i study and what i wear. After 4 years he's finally agreed that i don't have to study medicine and that i'm allowed to study Radiography like i originally intended to before university.
My father has said that if i agree to do what he wants and move to Adelaide with the rest of the family then as long as i am 100% honest with him, so essentially he approves who i'm friends with, what degree i do and who i date he won't be as angry and won't be as controlling.
I don't believe that he'll change and think i'm just destined to be miserable for the rest of my life. However if i leave i'll never get to see my mother or brother again and i really don't want that, and also everyone is telling me that i would be selfish to leave because my parents raised me for 21 years and i would just be abandoning them.
So WIBTA?
TLDR: Father doesn't like who i'm dating and is threatening to take my mum and brother away from me and never let me see them again if i don't dump my boyfriend and move to a new city with them. WIBTA if i leave? ###### | NTA you have to take care of youself first. His behaviour is just toxic. You are old enough to decide for yourself, it is not like you are a dumb teenager dating some 40ish predator ###### |
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