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So I'm(15f) desi and if you're familiar with desi culture, the paler you are, the prettier. So there's a lot of colorism.
My dads side of the family is rather dark while my moms side is on the fairer side. I'm in the middle.
I got out in the sun a lot and if I don't constantly exfoliate my face, I look rather dark. Not terribly so, but darker than normal. My family tells me to take care of my skin more because "You're getting so dark, you're starting to get ugly", which I completely don't believe, because, what the fuck? So I'm just like "Yes aunty okay I'll do that" and leave it. There's no use trying to teach an old dog new tricks, right?
Due to recent events, I don't go outside and I wash my face more because "self care" and my skin is unusually pale, but it does have a beautiful healthy glow, which I'm proud of. Not the pale part, the healthy glow part.
So during a family video call, one of my aunts says my skin looks nice, and then they all start raving about my skin. And then they start talking about how pale I am. They say that my skin looks nicer like this, that my skin should be like this all the time, that I would be so much prettier if my skin was always this pale. And I'm kinda like *slight eye twitch* haha okay thanks let's move on.
*And then* one of aunts has the nerve to say something along the lines of "Finally, your skin isn't dark like your dads anymore." So I just kind of smile and hang up. This is the same aunt that said she would "Fix her nose too is something was *wrong* with it" like mine, when I said I wanted to get a nose job because I felt like my nose was too big, but I wouldn't because plastic surgery is haram.
My mom got mad at me and said my aunts were complimenting me and I had no right to get angry and even my dad said I was overreacting. I don't know, I hate all this "paler = prettier" bullshit, but I guess they *were* complimenting me, so I don't know. AITA? ###### | NTA- your mother should understand why you were upset. I would be upset too if I were you. Next time you have a video chat you should wear a ton of bronzer and act like nothing is new. ###### |
My (24m) girlfriends (23) mom recently decided to invite herself over to our house once a week because she has virtually nothing better to do but sit around at our house and complain about most things in her life. When she is over she wants to see our three month old baby.
My girlfriends sister is in town right now from Nebraska and she had plans to spend time with her sister alone because her mom favors her sister more than all of her other kids. But instead of doing that, her mom invites her sister, her kids, and herself over to our home tomorrow morning to sit around. In no world is our home big enough for it but my girlfriend said yes, but told her mom I would stay in our room.
I suffer from anxiety around groups of people no matter the size and have been feeling a little down lately. The COVID pandemic has also prevented me from seeing my family at all this year.
Her mom threw a fit and said I’m acting like I don’t like them, when I reminded my girlfriend that not only has her mom never had a conversation with me, she also fails to realize that with myself working forty plus hours a week, I rarely get time to relax with my girlfriend and our son alone. I also pointed out that my family always talks to my girlfriend over the phone quite often, and genuinely likes talking to her.
Her mom said that’s crap, but also ignored the previous statement about my depression and anxiety. So reddit. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be uncomfortable in my own home and letting them have family time without me?
Side note, my girlfriends niece also lives with us, and that would add to the number of people in our already small living room. ###### | NTA- your mother is failing to realize that there are things she can’t understand like anxiety and etc. your just trying to feel okay in your own home, and your at the very least making an effort by letting as many people into your own home. And if the MIL won’t try and make an attempt with you with less of a crowd around, she can’t expect you to be absolutely social in a large space. ###### |
I am a 15 year old boy with three siblings. One of them is a girl. For the longest time me and my brothers 14 and 13 had to share a room and my sister always got her own separate room. The girl is 12 years old. Now that we are moving in with our mom new husbands my mom promised me that I would finally get my own room.
The other two boys are happy because they get more space and those boys are best friends. My sister is obviously gets her own room cause she is girl. So when we moved in we realized that it's a three bedroom house and my mom lied. Us boys are furious as we have to share the small room and my sister gets the second largest and my parents the master. The room is enough to fit us and our stuff has to go in the attic to make space.
This is a huge issue as none of us kids are going to have a proper area to study and we are fucked if one of us has a nightmare and screams in the middle of the night which was an issue in the past. I complained and tried asked my mom if we wear going to have at least the master bedroom in which she refused and told me it's my husband and mine room then told me that you should be grateful that you are having a place to stay and sleep as the homeless person don't even have a house to sleep in ###### | NTA- your mom lied. It should go
master: 3 boys
medium: parents
smallest: sister
Or at the least swap you guys and your sister. Your mom is being very selfish and uncaring ###### |
This happened a long time ago - when I was about 14 and on a family holiday to a holiday park kind of place (Center Parcs for anyone in Europe). When I was a young teenager, I was kinda chubby and didn’t get much attention from boys like some of my friends did.
So anyway, one Valentine’s Day, my family wrote a fake card from a ‘secret admirer’ guy asking me to meet him at a the central place (where all the bars and restaurants etc are). Straight away I thought it was BS and laughed it off saying yeah whatever. Well over the course of the day, my whole family (mum, stepdad and sister) basically convinced me it was real, promising they didn’t send it and just genuinely trying to convince me to go to the place we were supposed to meet. Eventually, I thought I’d just go when my younger sister said she’d come with me and we’d just hang out in the area. I wasn’t completely convinced but was convinced enough to go.
Sure enough, we get to the place, hang out for a bit and no one shows. All of a sudden, my mum and stepdad show up and they all start laughing saying it was a prank. I tried to laugh along but obviously I was completely humiliated. I think the worst part is that they still occasionally bring it up and laugh about it. Recently, I told them I thought it was a horrible thing to do and I actually don’t find it funny at all. They all make out I’m being being an asshole and can’t take a joke or that I’m too sensitive.
So, AITA in the sense that I should just get over it? ###### | NTA- your family is honestly horrible for pulling a stunt like that. Fuck them and their feelings. You’re entitled to feel the way you do because your family, who you’re supposed to trust, decided to pull some asshole shit like that. That’s not funny at all. It further brings down any self esteem that may have had and probably created some trust issues in your immediate family. I’m sorry that happened to you. ###### |
My dad and I aren't especially close. I was mostly raised by my mom, and I don't really see or talk to him too often. A large part of that was due to his ex-wife/my ex-stepmother. She was an awful, abusive person and she drove a wedge between me and my father. Thankfully, they divorced last year. My father and I were slowly beginning to repair our relationship.
Recently, my father began dating someone new. I'd heard about her from family members, but he never directly told me about her. Let me say now that I have no qualms about my father dating. This isn't that kind of story. Who he dates is strictly his business.
Not too long ago, my father invited me to his house. After the experience I had with my ex-stepmother, I wasn't really keen on meeting his girlfriend yet, so I asked if anyone else would be coming over while I was there. He told me no.
When I got there--surprise! Turns out his girlfriend was *already* there. So, no, technically, no one would be coming over. Now, his girlfriend seemed like a lovely woman. While I was there, I tried my best to act cordially towards her, but I was extremely uncomfortable.
Later, I told my dad that I was happy that he'd found such a nice woman, and that she seemed like a pleasant person. However, I have no intention of meeting her ever again. Who he dates is his business, and I have no relation to her. After my ex-stepmother, I do not want to have any contact with anyone he dates.
He told me that I needed to let go of the past, and that I was being narrow-minded. I admit that this is perhaps a bit unfair to his new girlfriend, but I really don't want to involve myself in his dating affairs. AITA for telling him that I didn't want to meet her again? ###### | NTA- Your dad shouldn’t have surprised you by having his girlfriend there. You’re already building back your delicate relationship and this hurt your trust. Prepare yourself because if he gets married again this woman will be an unavoidable part of your life (so long as your father is in your life). He finds this woman special and so he wants them to meet you. He was wrong for surprising you with her but he probably knew you wouldn’t meet her unless he made a surprise arrangement. Sounds like you have a long road of healing your relationship with your dad and this is something you both need to talk about with each other. ###### |
My younger brother doesn't do any of his chores properly. Parents asked him to do the dishes: there were plates in the cabinet with dried on food. They asked him to vacuum: he would just kind of push it in one path, one direction and left all kids of weird track patterns. They asked him to mow the lawn: he purposely broke the mower. When they gave him a manual push mower: he did it like with the vacuum.
Parents do some of the stuff but even I have to clean up after him. Parents say "we cleaned up after you, it's no different than that".
Yesterday this shift happened again and I refused to clean up. My Dad joked about how apparently learning to clean up after somebody else even when it shouldn't be your job is good experience to have before entering the workforce. Bruh wtf. My parents had to get the work done.
AITA for refusing to do chores? ###### | NTA- Your brother is learning that if he does something half assed, he can get someone else to do the work for him. Your parents should have him redo the chore until it's done right so that he starts doing the chore right the first time.
If your parents keep this up, if your brother ever has roommates they will hate him for this. ###### |
My brother and his girlfriend are expecting their first child, she’s very early on in the pregnancy.
We had a family meal not too long ago and I asked my brothers girlfriend how she was handling the pregnancy and if she was concerned about the babies future health?
She paused and asked what I meant so I told her; my sister has type 1 diabetes, both my parents have type 2 along with heart problems, my parents and sister have eye sight problems, my mother suffers from borderline personality whilst my father has an addictive personality (alcohol and gambling) one of my brothers has BPD, two of my brothers have autism as well, my grandfather had schizophrenia and my aunt had epilepsy.
Apparently my brother had told her precisely none of this and now she’s freaking out and considering terminating over it.
I’ve been getting texts from family that I’ve crossed a line and shouldn’t have told her, that I should’ve pulled my brother aside and asked him if he’d told her, some are telling me if she goes ahead with ending the pregnancy they don’t want to be in my life.
I myself have decided not to have biological children due to my family’s medical history.
AITA? ###### | NTA- Your brother is denying her some very important information. There's a chance this child could have challenges later in life. There's a chance this child will be 'normal'. If I was the gf I'd be very grateful for the information, and would take this time to research ways to be prepared in case the child develops issues later on. ###### |
My wife and I live with our 4 kids in a house that is pretty close to our next door neighbors. A year ago, a new family moved in next door with their 3 kids.
Our property technically extends until about 5 feet from our neighbor’s physical house, so we have always used that land on that side as a place to park an extra car or whatever.
Our new neighbor put up a basketball hoop for their kid in the driveway so that when their kids played, they were inching on what was technically our property. We had no problem with that because who cares.
However, eventually our neighbors began parking their car in that land. We asked them to stop because 1) sometimes we park there and 2) our kids play wiffle ball all the time in the back yard and didn’t want cars that are not us pulling in and out without expecting our kids to run out and also 3) it’s our property and we really shouldn’t have to explain more than that.
When we asked them to stop parking there, they said they didn’t understand why we couldn’t share the land as it had room for 2 cars and all the kids run around there and nobody has cared before. They even said they would move a car from there if we ever needed the space upon request. We didn’t really want to go down that road.
When they continued to park there, one day we had a fence built on our property so that they could not longer park there and now their kids could no longer play basketball there (the second part was not our intention). We did not tell them we were building the fence beforehand and our neighbors freaked out saying we were being selfish.
AITA? ###### | NTA- you’ve pretty much explained it all perfectly why too! It’s your property so you can do what you like. You asked polity and they still kept pushing boundaries this all could’ve been avoided if they were respectful of your request and not tried to bargain with you about your land ###### |
So a while ago I hooked up with this girl. She’s pregnant now and her parents kicked her out. Since it might of been my baby I said she could stay with me. But if the paternity tests said I was not the father she would have to move out.
Because of everything going on it took longer than usual to get the results of the paternity test, but we got it back earlier today and I am definitely not the father.
So I told her that she can continue to stay for a few more days, but she has to leave by Saturday. Now she’s freaking out and crying because she says she has no money and nowhere to go and is asking me to let her stay longer.
I do sympathize with her situation, but I just don’t want her to stay anymore. She’s a nice person, but I don’t know her that well and don’t feel comfortable with her around and in my space all the time. More importantly though if she’s still here on Sunday she will have been here for 30 days which would make her legally a resident and then I would have a much harder time getting rid of her and you never know what issues could arise. ###### | NTA- you’ve extended more than enough generosity, and you’re completely right, after 30 days it will be much, much harder. You did the right thing and you had this agreement set in place with her that if you were not the father, she would have to leave. Her guilt tripping you into trying to let her stay makes her the AH imo. ###### |
some background information:
My family owns two houses, one in Pennsylvania and one in Brooklyn. Me (M19) and my sister (F21) are staying here in Brooklyn because we didn’t want to go up to Pennsylvania with the rest of my family. My other sister and both my parents are in Pennsylvania. They wanted to go up there to get away from you know what.
Ever since my sister and I were by ourselves, my mom calls me 4 times a day and asks me to see if my sister is okay because she never answers my moms calls or texts. I was getting seriously annoyed because pretty much every call or text I got from my mom was her asking for me to check up on my sister. It reached a boiling point when she called me at 9AM this morning which woke me up. She told me to check to see if my sister was ok because she wasn’t answering her calls. This is where I might be the asshole. On the phone with her after I checked up on my sister I told my mom to not call or text me again if she is going to ask me to check up on my sister. She isn’t going out (everyone knows why but we can’t say it). If my sister doesn’t answer her calls or texts it’s probably because she doesn’t want to talk to you or she’s just sleeping. My mom got seriously pissed at me and hasn’t texted or called me since then. I just think it’s so annoying how I’m literally being woken up because my sister doesn’t bother to answer her phone and my mom resorts to me checking on her and this is happening like 4-5 times a day. PLEASE NOTE my sister doesn’t have depression or any mental/physical disability she is perfectly fine, just fucking lazy.
So AITA for telling my mom to not contact me if it’s about my sister? ###### | NTA- You're not your sister's babysitter, you're both adults who can take care of yourselves. She is understandably worried but it's not fair for her to take her anxiety out on you. ###### |
We are unemployed due to COVID-19 and trying to save and budget our money.
My girlfriend just excitedly told me she just spent over $300 in house plants for a house we rent expecting me to be happy as well. Needless to say, I got a bit angry and told her that it was a really dumb financial decision at this time.
Now she is mad at me and is calling me a dick for not being excited as well.
Am I the asshole?
Edit because people are asking: we have been in a 10 year committed relationship and share all of our finances. ###### | NTA- you're both unemployed right now is not the time to spend $300 on any hobby. If you were both making bank my opinion would change. ###### |
I'm new to this so I'm just going to apologise now if I'm doing it wrong, sorry!
I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and I was talking to my SO about the labour and how I hope things go smoothly because they didn't last time and I'm quite terrified. A bit of background my son was prem, it was a very difficult and traumatising birth. He spent 4 weeks in the SCBU ward.
I've been reading up on things to try and make it a positive experience this time around and although I know you can't control how labour goes one of the things was to make it as different as possible to your last birth. So I listed to my partner what things I can have different this time and not having a student midwife there was one of them.
With my labour it turned into a ventouse delivery because they needed to get him out ASAP and they asked if it would be okay if the student midwife watched because he'd never witnessed one of those births before. I agreed but mainly I think because I was in so much pain and on a lot of drugs.
So this time I've said I don't want anyone there who doesn't need to be there and my SO said that would be unfair of me because I could be the reason this person takes longer to pass? (we're not so sure how becoming a qualified midwife works so we we're just guessing). I understand what he's saying but I just don't want to have anything the same as last time if I can help it. SO said he'll support me whatever as I'm the one giving birth but I've thought about it and I'm now worried AITA? ###### | NTA- you wouldn't be making it harder for that student to pass. It's your delivery, you get to choose who can be in the room with you. Congratulations on the pregnancy, by the way, I hope everything goes down smoothly. Good luck. ###### |
I've recently turned 18 a few days ago btw.
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(I was \~13-16 at the time) I really love riding my bicycle, but i live in California where drivers are shit and I have been hit by a car twice while on my bike (Both of them drivers fault) The first time wasn't too bad but it hurt like a bitch, the second one was a bit more serious and i was covered in blood, had to use crutches for about 2 months, and cannot walk in a straight line without a lot of effort. Of course with that kind of shit you sue, and I was told we got \~$6k. I come from a poor single mother family and have never had more than $300 so I was really happy. For the past few years I've been told many many times that i would get all the money when i turned 18 so I have been anxiously waiting. I recently turned 18 so i asked my mom about when i would get it and she said she would give me "a little bit of it". I was very shocked and she isn't willing to even split it 50-50. If it was for bills or debts it would be a bit more understandable but she said she wants to buy herself a new car (Nothing wrong with her current car) and again I was shocked. Am I the asshole for wanting most or at least 50% of the money? ###### | NTA- You shouldn’t get only 50% of your money you should get 100% since it’s YOUR money. Is it in an account with your name on it? If so I’d go withdraw it and put it on a separate account. If she refuses to give your your money legally you can sue as she doesn’t have a right to any of it. I wouldn’t take that option right away but if you’re willing to take it that far. Did you actually verify how much you were awarded? Because it could be a lot more she just doesn’t want to tell you so she can keep it. ###### |
She hasn't bathed, changed clothes, or done any household things since Animal crossing/doom released. I pre-ordered both and a few more things for her as a semi early anniversary gift and she absolutely loves them... Too much.
I didn't say a word the first few days, I understand excitement but once it got close to a week I made a bath for her and she said she'd get to it later. Later as in 2 hours when the water was cold so she was no longer interested. After that I'd remind her every other day before work but no luck. I'd come home and she'd still be in the same clothes, playing something, and "starving" half the time because she'd get too into the game and forget to eat. I'd cook supper and hear about her day which would always be game accomplishments.
She has no known mental health problems and it's definitely not depression, in fact it feels quite the opposite. She gets super happy and excited about almost anything and bad news is always faced with optimism. I knew she'd cling to the games but I would have never imagined it being this bad.
Today she was able to start playing a new one I pre-ordered and admitted she's probably not leaving the room for a day or so. I outright asked that she takes a shower before she starts paying but that didn't go well because she's really looking forward to it. I had had enough. It's gross and I already moved to the couch a week ago so I explained that if she wants to live that way fine, I'll be moving to our shed (it has AC and power so it's not bad at all) until she bathes and that upset her because she felt like she was being treated like a child and being forced to do things. I told her she was acting like a child and started packing my shit. She swears I'm being "a jerk" and I personally feel I was slightly over dramatic but I was pushed to this point.
Bonus info. We're both in our mid 20s, no kids, no intent on kids, and I have a halfway decent job so she stayed at home long before the current situation. ###### | NTA- you say she doesn’t have mental health issues, but trying to justify not bathing for weeks because of video game releases sounds like a mental health/addiction/obsession issue. ###### |
So evidently my roommate has moved her boyfriend in with us during quarantine. Before this he was here 5-6 nights a week, which I had expressed some discomfort with, but now he straight up lives here. Stores his stuff in the living room, comes and goes without her, etc. None of this was run by me. He also lives in the same town, so I'm not sure why the've decided to stay here but I'm not sure I can kick him out at this point given the state of things.
He likes to hangout in the common spaces a lot without her and do work on his laptop, workout in the living room, cook in the kitchen etc. At night they usually watch TV together in the living room. Previously I've tried to be respectful and give them/him their own space but I've been getting kind of annoyed with it. So recently I've been doing whatever I want. If he's working out in the living room and I want to watch the TV I just go and do it. The wifi doesn't reach my room very well so if I want to video chat I have to do it in the dining room and if he's in there too I just go and do it anyways. If they're cuddled up watching TV and I want to use the kitchen which looks into the living room I just do it.
The reason I could be the asshole is because everytime I do those things he just gets up and Ieaves and goes back to her room. If they're together in the common areas and I show up they usually stop what they're doing and leave. I haven't really made an attempt to rectify this because I honestly don't know the man at all and don't really wanna interact with him anyway. My logic is that if it was just me and my roommate we would have no problem sharing these spaces which is what we used to do. I also pay about $1200 in rent so I don't think I should modify my schedule for someone living here for free.
AITA for going about my life as if my roommates boyfriend isn't even there even if it seems to make him uncomfortable. ###### | NTA- you pay rent. It is your house live your life ###### |
My older brother volunteered to babysit my 2 nephews while my other brother (his dad) and his wife work. I told them from the beginning I didn’t want to help watch them cause I work 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and the days i have off i wanna rest. Lately the brother who volunteered has been complaining that hes tired and needs help. I told him already I didnt want to cause i need to rest for work. He got mad and said i should help and said i was being lazy. I reminded him he volunteered himself to watch the kids not me so it sounds like a personal problem more or less. Starting tomorrow i work 12 hour shifts until friday covering for someone, my mom called me and asked me to help but i said no. Now my phone is blowing up with texts saying im being an asshole. Am i though? ###### | NTA- you know your limits and you made everything clear before you’re older brother even started watching the kids ###### |
My step dad married my mom when I was 5. He never adopted me, but he's always been dad. 6 years ago, mom died. A year later, he remarried. I don't have a problem with that; I'm glad he found someone.
The new wife doesn't mind that I call her by her name, but the rest of her family is mad as he'll that I won't call her "mom".
The logical side of my brain is wondering, is my step dad's new wife my mom?
The emotional side says, I'm in my mid40s. I don't need a "new" mom. Sugar momma, maybe 😄 but I'm a grown adult, I don't need a parental figure anymore.
So aita for not calling my step dad's new wife "mom"? ###### | NTA- you have a mom, she may not be with you anymore, be she will always be your mom. The family can mind their own friggin business. ###### |
So, for a bit of context, I’m black and there is a total of one ethnic salon in my town and I had gotten box braids for the spring. The front part of my hair grows pretty quickly so I made appointments before I had the track schedule because they would’ve been full if I hadn’t then and there. One of my appointments was scheduled on a day I had a track meet.
I asked my coach about it and she asked if I could reschedule and I couldn’t, since my lady was fully booked from now until May. I told her that there was one ethnic salon in town and this one specific lady was one of three there and she’s the only one who knows how to deal with my hair texture(both my parents are white) and I actually trust her with touching my hair. She said yeah I could skip I’d just have to make up for it in practice.
Somehow this cake up how I was able to skip and I explained, my most of teammates said I pulled “the race card” on coach but the rest of my teammates agree for the reasons above. It’s hard to find good, reputable hairdressers that I actually want to touch my hair and know how to deal with it.
Was I the AH in this situation or was I at least justified? ###### | NTA- you gave an honest explanation of why and it was a legitimate reason. I’m so sick of people saying the only reason to miss something is “death or doctor’s note.” Bullshit. Live your life. Take care of yourself, your hair, and be happy. ###### |
Sorry if this post is jumbled. Having a rough time right now (for obvious reasons).
Very recently I (20F) was diagnosed with leukemia. Long story short, thought I had Covid, turned out to somehow be worse. Prognosis not great. I have a lot of regrets about not seeing a doctor sooner, but nevertheless.
I told my dad today. He and my mother are separated and only have contact through their lawyers about my little sister. I told him, and he told me I should tell my mother.
The thing is, my mother has a horrible habit of making things all about herself. When I was 12 she discovered I had a problem with depression, and instead of getting me treatment, told me “how could I do this to her” and how I was “making her look bad”. The problem was never resolved and I didn’t get any sort of treatment until my late teens.
Basically, I don’t want to tell her because I know it’ll end up all over Facebook and she’ll make it all about her struggle with my cancer. I’m a private person. I live across the country from her, so I could potentially keep it private until either a, I somehow recover and never have to tell her, or b, my dad invites her to my funeral.
I know it sounds harsh. I’m pretty detached from it all at this point. But I guess I need judgement to either absolve my own guilt or know I’m kinda a POS.
TLDR; My mom makes my pain about her. I don’t want to tell her I have cancer. WIBTA if I said nothing? ###### | NTA- you do not have to tell her anything, ever. Focus on yourself and your fight. *virtual hugs and good juju* ###### |
Freshman year of college I lived in a triple room with 2 other girls. Roommate 1 was nice and quiet not part of story. Roommate 2 was liked to party and go out. Typical college freshman behavior. Well Around the start of October and it’s 2 am. I hear her and her friend sneaking in didn’t think much of it not my business. Well her friend another freshman (male) starts screaming he wants his dad and starts basically sobbing and breaking down. I turn on lap to see what’s up as I’m awake by this point. Well they both dropped acid and he’s having a bad trip. He lays down in my bed shaking and I say I’m calling Police. My roommate yells at me saying she’ll get in trouble for having lsd on campus and if I was her friend I wouldn’t call. Well at this point I’m crying thinking a dudes about to die on my bed so I call cops. Kids fine and taken in hospital my roommate is given a write up by ra for drug use but that’s it. She moved out the next month and wouldn’t talk to me because I called police to help her friend. Atia for doing what I thought was right ###### | NTA- you did what you thought was right and safety is more important than being written up.
You can't OD on LSD (it would be basically impossible to consume enough to OD) and you can't die from a bad trip, and there's little the police could do to help- BUT you don't know for sure that your friend took LSD. They said they did but it could've been laced which is dangerous, or they could've done other drugs in combination with it and not told you, etc. The friend could have undisclosed medical problems, like epilepsy, that could make it dangerous, etc. So even though a true pure acid trip isn't generally dangerous (physically) in a controlled setting, you had no way of knowing if there was actually danger or not, so calling the police or an ambulance is the safe (and correct) choice. ###### |
I’m on mobile so I apologize. (22f)
So (big surprise) I’ve been having a ton of trouble finding a job during COVID. Since I just graduated from college, I’ve been applying everywhere to any job I can think of that’s remote or in my state. I heard back from a few but nothing was working out.
Then, a few days ago I heard from this one company that claimed to be a big financial firm. I agreed to a phone interview and they sent me a few videos about the history of the company and the set up and compensation and etc. I watched them when they were sent to me so about 6 hours before my interview.
The guy called me and we started talking. Right away he’s condescending, saying things like “I didn’t girls even understood economics” (I was an econ major). He then took to quizzing me on these two videos. I mean full on test format. When I couldn’t remember the exact year the company was founded and the names of all the founders, he said “yeah I’m just trying to figure out if you even watched our videos or if you were off wasting your time”. Between this and his blatant sexism, I couldn’t take it. I just hung up.
My friends think I’m TA here because a job is a job no matter how miserable. I think I made the right choice. After all, I don’t want to work somewhere with THIS being the first impression. Plus I rewatched one of the videos and this is 100% an MLM.
But still, I feel a little bad. So Reddit AITA? ###### | NTA- you did the right thing. Honestly, I'd look into reporting him or leaving reviews on job sites about this encounter so other people can avoid this disaster of a company. ###### |
Sorry if this post is jumbled. Having a rough time right now (for obvious reasons).
Very recently I (20F) was diagnosed with leukemia. Long story short, thought I had Covid, turned out to somehow be worse. Prognosis not great. I have a lot of regrets about not seeing a doctor sooner, but nevertheless.
I told my dad today. He and my mother are separated and only have contact through their lawyers about my little sister. I told him, and he told me I should tell my mother.
The thing is, my mother has a horrible habit of making things all about herself. When I was 12 she discovered I had a problem with depression, and instead of getting me treatment, told me “how could I do this to her” and how I was “making her look bad”. The problem was never resolved and I didn’t get any sort of treatment until my late teens.
Basically, I don’t want to tell her because I know it’ll end up all over Facebook and she’ll make it all about her struggle with my cancer. I’m a private person. I live across the country from her, so I could potentially keep it private until either a, I somehow recover and never have to tell her, or b, my dad invites her to my funeral.
I know it sounds harsh. I’m pretty detached from it all at this point. But I guess I need judgement to either absolve my own guilt or know I’m kinda a POS.
TLDR; My mom makes my pain about her. I don’t want to tell her I have cancer. WIBTA if I said nothing? ###### | NTA- you clearly don’t have a good relationship with your mother, and she isn’t obligated to know anything about your life. That said, I can understand why people might be urging you to tell her. She is your mom, and if you ever want to have a relationship with her in the future, not telling her about this is going to ruin that chance. You just have to weigh that choice.
I’m so sorry that your cancer has become family drama. You don’t deserve that. Praying for health and peace as you start treatment. We’re here for you! ###### |
We’re both in our early 20s. I’m an undergrad student, living with my parents (they cover all of my living expenses) and I have an internship that pays me 40% of the minimum wage where I live. It’s not much, but it’s the money I use for clothes, products, nights out, take out, anything that isn’t strictly necessary for me to survive. Also worth noting I grew up poor so I’m fully in control of what I spend. I’m the first to admit I can be cheap.
My bf, on the other hand, grew up rich in a family that overspends. They earn a lot of money, but spend just as much, so they don’t have a lot to their names or many savings. My boyfriend’s parents cover all of his living expenses + pay him an allowance that is 2,5x bigger than my internship salary.
Now the asshole part — being cheap has allowed me to save some money. I never asked him if he had savings, he never asked me either, but he assumed I would have none since I’m always saying I’m outta money. The thing is, every month I save 30% of what I make. When I say I’m out of money I mean that, in my monthly plan, I have already spent the amount I separated for spending, not including what I always save.
This is where he gets mad at me, saying I’m always refusing to go out to eat somewhere fancier, or trade more expensive gifts because I’m ‘out of money’ when I actually have savings and he has nothing/goes into overdraft every other month. I do say I’m out of money a lot, but I didn’t realize that me saying I was out of money necessarily implied that I didn’t have a dime to my name. I didn’t know that was what he thought was going on.
AITA for saying I’m out of money when I actually have savings?
TL;DR — I tell my bf I’m out of money but I actually save 30% of what I make every month and have savings. He says that was misleading and he thought I had no money at all, and is upset because I say that and we do not go to fancy restaurants or trade expensive gifts. ###### | NTA- you aren't married, and it's not your fault that you're frugal and a good financial planner. Those who are the best at saving money live a "broke life", regardless of their savings. Its none of his business. He should be taking pointers, not getting upset. ###### |
The title might be a little confusing.
My brother's room is in the living room and it is separate from the rest of the living room with a curtain. But you can hear everything that's going on in the living room. Yesterday there was a movie on TV that I wanted to watch. I had informed my brother that I'd be watching the movie at least a week before he was fine with it.
Halfway through the movie he comes home in a bad mood and asks me to leave the living room and go watch the movie somewhere else (the only other way to watch the movie was with my laptop but I can't watch for hours in a small screen) . I refuse to leave. He starts to yell and hit his hand against a bookshelf we have in the living room trying to get me to ho I still didn't leave. He has been passive aggressive since.
AITA for not leaving? ###### | NTA- you already told him you would be watching the movie and he accepted it. Your brother needs some anger management though. ###### |
Some days ago one of my long term “friends” called my mother a cow for no reason in our group chat. He had been saying that to me and some other friends some for some days prior and we told him he was going too far and to stop because it was rude. He kept doing it and I once again told him to stop and that I’d fight him if he ever did it again.
So a couple of days later we were talking about Bernie Sanders dropping and I asked who they were planning on voting now. He said “ur mom” then in another message added “who happens to be a cow” so I told him off, told him I’d fight him if I ever saw him again, and kicked him out of the chat. I later asked him if he had a problem with me or why he was saying that about my mother and he said he was doing it because he thought it was funny and apologized but I didn’t accept his apology as I had already told him to stop and he had crossed the line for being unnecessarily rude.
Now the rest of my “friends” are defending him saying he was just joking and they invited him back and now they are treating me like I am the asshole for not forgiving him. I then left the group chat and I haven’t talked to any of them since. Honestly I think I can’t be friends with anyone who can’t respect my mom especially after she did nothing but be super nice to all my friends. ###### | NTA- WTF is wrong with your friend (and your other friends for defending him). I would ask your other friends if THEY would like it if he said that about their loved ones. Absolutely within your rights to kick the guy to the curb. ###### |
My (f17) sister and her (m37) husband are currently staying with us, My sister and I get along very well, But her husband is a jerk, he's a sarcastic asshole who doesn't care about other people's feelings, This is one of the many reasons why I don't like him so much.
So last night BIL was laying on the couch watching CNN, While I was scrolling through reddit and having a bit of fun, My sister shouted from the kitchen when she was done with the dishes and told my BIL to take the trash out, He turned to me and said:
BIL: (my name) go take the trash out.
Me: But she TOLD you to take the trash out!
BIL: Yes, I'm not deaf, I heard what she just said, But I'm TELLING YOU NOW to take the trash out, I suppose you're not deaf either, are ya?
I tried to keep my cool and ignore him.
Me: I'm sorry, I thought that this is a man's job!.
BIL: You're a girl??? (Sarcastically)
When he said that I knew he was making fun of my new pixie haircut that I did at home cause I couldn't go to the salon and wanted to try something new.
Me: Are you still making fun of my haircut?.
BIL: Will you do it if I said no?
Me: Unbelieveble!
I get off the couch, took the trash from under the kitchen sink and head out.
On my out, BIL suggested that I dress up and take a selfie of myself next to the trashpin and post it on facebook, you guys have no idea how humiliated that made me feel, I don't care if it's a social media trend, he just humiliated me, he once asked for my opinion on a political matter than he made fun of me, and called me a liberal dum dum, made fun of my new phone case, and criticized my cooking which is the reason why I don't cook anymore.
I told my sister and she said i was just overreacting and that she'll get him to take the trash out next time. ###### | NTA- WOW your sister has horrible taste in men. ###### |
this happened before the world went crazy, I was with my friend and we went into a mc'donnas to grab some food. when we went in, there was a crazy huge line and an even bigger line for people waiting for their food.
so i pulled out my phone and ordered our food through an app that's usually meant for delivery, but had a pick-up option, then we stepped outside to smoke. not sure if other mc'donnas are the same, but the one i went to prioritizes the online orders and drive thru, so that just means i would get my food faster.
when the app indicated that the food was ready (still took like 20 minutes but at least I wasn't trapped inside a building), I went back in to pick up the food, and a lady that was in the crowd waiting for her food (I guess she remembered me walking in before but then shortly afterwards leaving) chimed off "she's not a delivery driver! she's stealing someones food!!". the worker had my back and said I ordered through the app for pick-up, but then the woman started yelling, like actually yelling, that I shouldn't be allowed to skip the line.
like.... you have a phone too lady, just use it?
aita for skipping the line? ###### | NTA- work smarter, not harder ###### |
As if I wasn’t already the black sheep of the family!
I don’t know the deal with my parents generation and their proclivity to lying about our family tree, but I was raised being lied to until my real genetic father was dead, so I never got to meet him. Instead I was lead to believe that my sisters dad was also mine. The truth came out as it often does, and a lot of things finally made sense.
Fast forward 20 years until I’m 32 years old, and just before my sisters dad dies, he revealed to me that my cousins (35F) real dad was his best friend in high school, and her real mom was his other sister. The younger sister gave the older one her baby and they let her believe that her aunt was her mom and vise-versa.
Now, he of all people had a solid understanding that I would relate deeply, and he had to know I wouldn’t keep the secret. However I also know he felt bad, because a couple days later, he asked me not to tell.
I told him I wouldn’t take any action until he was gone, but that I would not keep their secret from my cousin.
So, after he passed, I told his sisters that they could come clean, or I would tell my cousin the truth. (reminder that I have no real blood relation to these “aunts”, but they maintained each other’s lies throughout mine and my “cousins” childhood.)
They were argumentative, so I told my cousin.
Of course now my “aunts” hate me. However, my cousin got to meet her real father, and a half brother as a result.
Somebody I respect recently scolded me and said I was in the wrong, because it’s “none of my business” but I’m having a hard time seeing it that way.
AITA, and if so, why? ###### | NTA- why is it a societal norm to keep children from knowing there adopted? It’s kind of ridiculous if you ask me.
Your cousin is a grown ass woman she can handle the truth that she’s adopted. ###### |
I'm a 28F and my parents just don't know how to cut the cord. Part of this is due to my 35 year old brother who has been and still is reliant on them. It's more my father than my mother and it's gotten exponentially worse since I bought my own home. I am completely self sufficient and have never asked their help for ANYTHING save maybe an opinion here or there. I am lucky enough to financially maintain my own lifestyle because I work hard to do so. My dad believes everything is an open invitation for him to take control of my life.
I do not want to seem ungrateful because he has done a ton for me with the only caveat being that I never fucking asked for it! When I was first moving into my home he would randomly pop over with this trinket or that furniture that I never even wanted and still don't to this day. It has caused many an arguement and I've even thought about changing the locks on my door. I never even gave him a key by the way, he made a copy of the one I had given my mother to hang on to in case of emergencies. I don't want any of the shit he gives me and I don't need the charity. I just want to live my own life.
The final straw happened today. I'm a nurse, and I work back to back night shift this week. After a grueling 14 hour shift I was finally able to relax enough to close my eyes only to be woken up about 3 hours later by neighbors landscaping. Aggravating but whatever I can't control other people. After tossing and turning I felt like the sound was getting closer...because it was! It was not my neighbors. My father and brother took it upon themselves to come and mow/weedwhip my lawn. I'm literally laying here crying because I'm so tired, aggravated, and just genuinely pissed off.
I don't want to seem like an ungrateful brat but Jesus Christ I just want my boundaries respected. Am I wrong to feel this way? ###### | NTA- while I don't think they necessarily have ill intentions, they definitely lack boundaries. Since it isn't such a clear cut situation of someone wronging someone else, it is hard to bring up to the offender. Your father seems to be trying to be kind to you, it is over bearing and uncomfortable, but I expect he will be very sensitive to hear your dislike. That being said, the fact he thinks all of this is ok despite your disapproval (leading to your past arguments) makes him the asshole in this situation. ###### |
For most of my life my sister Alice has been wanting kids but has been unable to carry a baby to full term, in part due to endometriosis. She was in a lot of pain and had to have a hysterectomy.
Alice and her husband Ben has fostered 5 children and have adopted 2 children with autism, and are great parents. They have a good home environment and are financially very well off. But recently Ben and after a while Alice was bitten by the urge to have a kid biologically related to them because they wanted a chance to "do things right" and "provide the best start in life" (their views, not mine).
So they asked me to be their (traditional) surrogate and said that they would cover all costs (legal, medical etc) associated with it. They would be also be paying off my student dent, renting a 2 bedroom apartment for 3 years plus giving me a substantial amount of cash. I said sure - it'll be 9 months of my life in exchange for being set up for quite some time, and my immediate family thinks it is a great idea.
However, when I said "sure", I was expecting something along the lines of IUI, where we go to the doctor to get Bob's sperm prepped, me getting shots etc. basically the whole artificial insemination package.
But Alice & Bob have asked me to well, get pregnant the traditional way. Their rationale is that 1. it is the cheapest way 2. they don't want to go to the hospital now and 3. they think babies conceived naturally are healthier/the pregnancy would be safer without the chemicals, but I just can't get over the extreme ick factor. And even IF this was going to take place at home I think a syringe would work fine.
WIBTA if I went back on my word? Is their request reasonable? My immediate family doesn't see anything wrong with it and has been congratulating my sister on her impending baby. On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now? ###### | NTA- WHAT? They want you to have sex with your brother in law? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I can’t even begin to start with all the ways that’s absolutely wrong. So I’ll say this, unless they started the first conversation out with “We want you to pay you to have sex with BIL, and then get pregnant.”, then absolutely not. Also, there’s no guarantee you’ll get pregnant that way either. At least with doctors they plan for the best times and take everything into account.
Also, just yuck. Again. ###### |
AITA for not helping out my stepmom in caring for my father?
My father and his wife have a 22 year age gap. I don't really have much of a relationship with my dad and maybe call him once a year on his birthday. His health has worsened in the last few years and now needs assistance to perform his day to day normal activities
Their daughter is 13 and obviously can't help much. Since they live in another state, I've tried to offer help by sending them money. I even told his wife that maybe it's time he is sent to a nursing home. She got really offended at the idea and told me that she wouldn't abandon him.
She wants me or my sister to come down to their state to help her out. I honestly don't know how. We are currently caring for our mom and stepdad. Our stepdad is going through chemotherapy, and we are looking after him and mom.
It's just not possible for us to move to another state right now.
I understand that she is doing it all alone. But I don't know I can help. She's not willing to move him to a home.
AITA ? ###### | NTA- what you’re doing is amazing, make sure you don’t burn yourselves out, make time for yourselves to relax when possible ###### |
I'm married and have a 10yo son and a 11yo step-son. I don't have much of a relationship with my step-son's mom. I don't think she likes me. Fortunately, my son and step-son grew up together so they get along, go to the same school and hang out with the same friends. I went to go pick up my son from the park and my step-son was going to be picked up by his mom for the week. I didn't want to leave my step-son all by himself at the park so I stayed. His mom was suppose to be there at 4PM and it was already 4:30PM with no word from her. I tried calling, texting and emailing. Nothing. My husband on a plane so he wasn't going to pick up.
I ended taking both kids back to our house. Around 5PM, I get a call from my step-son's mom bitching at me over taking her son back home. I explained that we waited an hour and tried to contact her. I didn't want to leave him all by himself at the park. She said I had no right to do that and I should have moved mountains to get my husband on the phone to discuss. There had been a miscommunication between her and my husband as my husband - he was in a different timezone when they coordinated his pickup so he was off by an hour. She used that hour to go to a spa hence her unavailability. My messages got buried under other messages. She said she was scared that something happened to her only child and I should have contacted her again and it was an asshole thing to do. ###### | NTA- What would have been an A H move is to leave an 11 year old alone at a park. You did the right thing, and his mom should be grateful that you kept her son safe. ###### |
So my Mum and Dad moved about 5 hours away from me a few years ago to go and live by the sea.
Recently with everything going on they’ve started making plans for what they’re planning when they’re no longer with us.
So the other night my mum FaceTimed me because she’s been planning all this stuff and asked me if something happened would I look after my 10 year old brother, I said of course I would I’d be more than happy to have him come live with me.
As a background I’m 25, married with a two year old son, we live close to my in laws because to be honest they’re brilliant, when we’re at work they look after him to save us on childcare fees and generally help us with a lot of other stuff.
Well this didn’t go down well at all, my mum instantly shot me down saying no I would have to move to their house and live there to make it easier on my brother.
I said I understand that but it’s not possible, my job and support structure is here I can’t just uproot my life if something did happen.
My mum started getting really angry saying she knew I wouldn’t help them and that they would agree with my younger brother (22) to look after my little brother but not to expect anything from them when they die because I won’t deserve it.
I shot back with that’s totally fine by me, if it comes with strings I don’t want or need anything from them. My mum then hung up on me.
Now they’re not talking to me at all, all I’ve had is a message from my dad saying that they’re both extremely disappointed that I couldn’t put my little brother first.
A couple of friends I’ve told this to have said I’m in the wrong because I’m not willing to help as much as I can and how much this would impact my brothers but I’m still pretty resolute I’ve done nothing wrong.
So Reddit AITA? ###### | NTA- what on earth? Your mom is mad because in a hypothetical situation of both her and your father passing in the next eight years you would not be willing to move your whole family to take care of your brother? This is ridiculous. I wouldn’t think you were an asshole for not wanting to care for him at all, but you are perfectly willing to take him in! Your mom is being ridiculous, she is either an asshole or histrionic, maybe both. ###### |
When applying to college my brother wrote an essay about something that he did, except it was a lie. The story he told was mine. It was about how I used to make potions to heal people out of household ingredients. About how that showed caring and empathy. I heard about this and asked him not to write the essay and to write it about something else.
He ignored me and months later submitted the essay. I ignored it for a while but finally brought it up because it bothered me. He stood his ground harshly and asked him to see my side. Told him that I value my identity and value myself in part by the things that I have done and the stories that I can tell.
I asked him to not respond because anything he would say would make me upset and I have a lot of work due tomorrow.
Am I the asshole for :
A) Asking him to re-write his college essay
and
B) Bringing back up after it was already submitted? ###### | NTA- what if you wanted to use that same story and then get accused of plagiarism? ###### |
Background. I am a 19 year old female and live with my parents while I go to college. One night I am messing around on my computer in the dinning room. My step-father walks behind me and stops. I look around on he has his face right next to my neck kinda smelling me. I say "stop it" cause it's weird. He walks off saying something like "shut up" in a slightly annoyed tone. I felt some guilt for reacting like that. He then walks outside saying to my mom that I'm in a mood or something. I'm wondering if I was overrating but he know I don't exactly like being touched. We had an issue like this before where after I said I didn't want to be touched he said "get a fucking life." My mum said that I hurt his feelings so I apologized. So am I the asshole, and should I apologize this time? ###### | NTA- this sounds insanely creepy.
Also,
>We had an issue like this before where after I said I didn't want to be touched he said "get a fucking life."
This is very creepy as well and his response is aggressive for no reason. What / where was he even doing for you to tell him off for touching you?
Honestly I'd get out if it's possible. If not I'd avoid him entirely. ###### |
So my friend is planning her wedding, she scrapped what they already were planning because of the virus and moved the date. She already has a dress and is planning the theming again, and she asked me if she could wear my necklace because she thinks it goes well with the dress and the other stuff.
Now my necklace was a gift from my husband, he had it custom made by his uncle, and it’s one of those couples necklaces where the fit together, but it’s in a special shape from a project we were doing together while we were engaged. It’s kind of cheesy but I think it’s really sweet that he thought of that and it’s pretty personal to me. I wouldn’t lend it to my friend normally but especially at her wedding, I don’t know it would feel wrong having her wear something my husband had made personally for me.
I told my friend no, and she got annoyed and said what are friends for. I explained my reasoning and she called me silly and that it’s just a necklace and I should just lend it to her for one day, and that it’s not going to kill me. She brought up that I’ve borrowed clothes and jewelry from her in the past, and she’s used mine in the past, but I feel that this specific necklace would be a bit like her wearing my engagement ring during her wedding.
She’s mad at me now, AITA? ###### | NTA- this isn’t some cheap Claire’s fashion necklace. This is a sentimental, future heirloom piece. It’s odd that she would even want to borrow it, being that it has meaning for another couple. ###### |
So recently, our street has started sharing what more or less amounts to hobby gift baskets with eachother. It started as a "everyone's stircrazy, surprise, there's cookies on your doorstep." one-off, but because of reciprocation and a little bit of oneupsmanship, its become a weekly thing to get a basket from someone on the street, either fresh vegetables or jam or cookies(or in my case, wine. this is important for later). Out of roughly 20 homes, 9 or 10 of us take part in this gift swap.
This week, some homemade cherry wine(with cherries from the backyard) was what I dropped off everywhere. So about a case of free wine. The following day, I got a nastygram from one of the neighbors, explaining that "while the gift was appreciated, it was disappointing to not include something for her children."
Everyone got the same exact thing, a bottle of wine. This was clearly for the household, not for any one member of the house. Just "hey, thinking of the neighbors. have some wine." Talking to my next door neighbor, she says she can see where nastygram neighbor was coming from, I could have easily added some fresh cherries for the kids, but the email wasn't necessary.
I'm in the I'm not the asshole camp, obviously. Free wine is free wine. I don't have to go out of my way to tailor gifts to everyone. ###### | NTA- This isn’t a requirement of quarantine this is a kind gesture. You gave a gift, you didn’t exclude. ###### |
im a 14 year old high school freshman and my mom and i were just having a conversation like normal, but then she asked me whether or not i’d let her live with me when i was an adult and got married. i answered no because if i were to be married, the only people i’d want to live with are my wife and my kids (if i had any), and it’s likely that my would-be-wife would agree with me.
but my mom then got upset and kept accusing me of not wanting to care for her when she grew old but i explained that i wouldn’t want to live with her but i would still take care of her. she continued and compared me to my older sister, who said that she’d be fine with letting my mom live with her and her husband.
i don’t think i’m an ass but she’s really upset at that and there’s this weird tension between us now ###### | NTA- this is a ridiculous conv to have with a 14 year old ###### |
So, this happened way last year, but it's still been on my mind, and some clarification would be nice so I can make up my mind and tell them "I'm sorry' and whatnot. When I (16m at the time, 17m now) lived with my parents, they'd constantly peg me to clean the entire house for them, do their laundry, and even go as far as to make me watch my 3 very little siblings (3f, 2m, 1m) almost every day while they went out on dates. Sometimes, they'd force me to watch them even as soon as I came home from school while they sat down and watched netflix. I'd say things like "I have plans with friends," or "I need to do my homework," but they didnt even care. This eventually lead to my grades dropping, considering I had no time at home to myself to do work I needed. The only time I would be able to work, would be late at night, but even then I would probably be putting my siblings to sleep as my parents were too busy watching movies or going out on dates. Because of my grades dropping, they'd take away my phone, my ps4 and PC, and even my TV, and use it as an opprotunity to make me do whatever they wanted, using 'You're not doing anything, anyways' as an excuse. This took a heavy toll on me, as I not only stopped being able to take on large amounts of stress, but I often found myself pulling off numerous attempts to off my own life, only to no avail, and just staring at the roof crying late at night. Eventually i was pushed too far, and I snapped at my mother, which she said 'I gave birth to you' and I replied "You shouldn't have.", and I felt abit like TA here. Things got too heated there, and I ended up moving away and back to my Grandparents, who've been the nicest people I've known in my teenage years, but I'd just like to know if I was TA in this situation, so I could apologize to my mother for all the things I said when I snapped. ###### | NTA- they shouldn’t have kids if they can’t take care of them themselves or hiring somebody to, especially if it was putting an obstacle between you and your education. ###### |
Hello. A little bit of context about the whole situation - I live in a country in which there is a recent influx of immigrants. I know how it is to be an immigrant myself, so do my parents. I happen to know 4 languages, this will come into the story later.
I have a coworker in her 50s, who is in general an okay person. She arrived to the country 5 years ago, and has made absolutely no improvement in her language, nor wants to. At first, she asked me for help a couple of times at mundane things I can do through the internet, for example passport extension, changing an address for an ISP, and several more things which I won't mention. However, later on she started asking more annoying things, she wanted me to help her join a car insurance firm, disconnect her from her cable TV company, and other tasks which I did. I understand that she takes my kindness for weakness, yet I'm not a complete asshole so I obliged to help.
I completely snapped however when someone told me that both of her daughters have husbands who speak the language fluently, and I immediately confronted her about it. In my opinion, this is complete nonsense that someone can use a person like that, a person that is not even their friend. It feels like I wasted hours on a person that could have asked 2 other people for help.
Am I the asshole? I hate being used like that. ###### | NTA- They make no effort why should you. ###### |
This occurred around a month ago and this incident recently came to light.
I (16M) was out with my friend (17F) at a park and these two girls (I'm guessing same age as us) saw me. They were chatting shit about us in Turkish (talking about how foreigners keep on entering their country, trying to guess where we're from and just basically gossiping about me in particular)
I didn't mind and done my best to ignore them, until one of them yelled "Hey chocolate boy!" at me (reference to my skin color, I'm black).
They didn't know that I knew Turkish (I lived here for nearly 2 years now) and I took my opportunity to make a cheeky comment.
I smiled and casually replied back "You like chocolate huh? Wanna try some?" and I gave them a wink. They were surprised that I understood them, but then their expression quickly changed to disgust at my comment. They gave me a dirty look and quickly walked away.
My friend (who doesn't know as much of the language as I do) asked what I said and I told her. She called me immature for doing so and said that my comment was "unwarranted and inappropriate".
In my opinion, I don't think I messed up that bad. They were being racist and I decided to make a joke out of it. But now that I got this story off my chest, I want to see if I'm the asshole because of it. ###### | NTA- They made a rude remark, and you made it into a joke that basically gave the idea that you didn’t take them seriously and were messing with them. I think you honestly handled it really well, because they were trying to get you upset or mad. They had it coming. ###### |
So we were all watching the news together (my sister, my mom, my dad and i).
And there was this part where it reported that muslims still liked to fly over their dead to their country of origin and bury them there (i’m from belgium). Personally I didn’t think it was a big deal but my mom just stated:
“At least they take their trash back”
I was shocked obviously and spoke up. I told her that it was no different than any other person wanting to be buried (or have their ashes spread out) anywhere specific like the ocean or in their favourite country. And that saying if their dead are trash would mean that if grandma died she would be just trash too in her eyes, if you follow her logic.
Well everybody got mad at me and saying that it was just some passive aggressive way of what they call ‘reverse racism’
And now everybody is mad at me and wont talk to me, mostly about the grandma remark i think, so i feel bad ‘cause that was really harsh of me. But then again so was calling someone elses loved one trash.
So am i in the wrong here and should I apologize? ###### | NTA- they are gaslighting you for calling them on their racism. ###### |
So my schedule is I buy wings etc wing special on Monday every so often. 24 wings for $17.88. I eat this as dinner for 3 days, 8 wings per diner. Its a relatively low cost meal that I enjoy. Recently, they added a $2 tip on my bill that I didn't authorize. I would =nt mind so much, except that I only had $18 dollars in my account. So since they charged mycard for $19.88, my bank hit me with a $33 overdraft fee. I later deposited $50 to cover another bill but because of the overdraft fee I was short, and was hit with another over draft fee, so a total of $66 because someone thought they deserved a $2 tip. SO I called the store manager , and they said the would get back to me, but know they won't answer my calls. So I called the corporate office, and talked to someone there. They know me because I used to be their UPS delivery driver. From the tone of the conversation, I feel the person responsible for overcharging me is going to get fired. I kind of feel bad now, all I really wanted was my moneyback and an apology, maybe some free wings. I m torn because I'm a people pleaser and like to make everyone happy, but at the same time I feel I was taken advantage of when i really couldn't afford it. I also cant help but think she does this to others as well. ###### | NTA- the unauthorized tip caused you financial hardship ###### |
I'm a straight A student and an okay with a B if I know my work clearly reflects it. For this class, I have no grading platform (blackboard, google classroom) to tell me the grades of my assignments. I can partially rely on the professor to return my grades. Now, I've been told that I'm not good with explaining, but bear with me please.
End of semester and I get my final grades, all A's except for one B. This B is in that one class, so I email the professor to ask why I got a B and for advice on how I can do better in future classes. They gave me a break down of my grades and said I didn't turn in a few assignments (Keep in mind that I only know the grades that have been returned). I look through the list and notice they gave me a 0 for an assignment I turned in. It's a grade changer, so I check my emails and bam there it is, emailed to the correct person, turned in on time. I email them back to say I turned in this assignment on this day at this time. They say that they can't take it cause I may have turned it in late. I apologize for bringing this matter up after final grades and reply again with a screenshot and get almost the same answer. I decide to go to the chair to appeal. The chair says if I can provide proof, they can change my grade. I provide proof, they email my professor. Professor emails chair back saying they never got it- checked their spam, trash, everywhere and said some rude comment. Chair declined to change my grade. I debated on whether I should go to the dean of college. After getting some opinions, I email the dean and they decide to change the grade. So now I have an A in the class but I kinda feel like the AH because the professor was very understanding of my situation. I never missed a day in that class and only turned in one assignment late.
I've come up with many situations blaming myself for the B and have learned my lesson.
So AITA? ###### | NTA- the teacher didn’t sound understanding at all. With everything going on in the world, online classes and online assignments are bound to have some bugs. You turned in your assignment and deserve credit for it. Your teacher is TA for making you escalate the situation when you had proof from the beginning. ###### |
Since March 1, we are at home because of the Coronavirus and since the beginning of March that my 17-year-old brother stays up until 8am playing video games and wakes up at 8pm, I understand that there it's nothing to do, it's routine, but he spends the evening eating.
He barely having finished his supper that he opens the fridge and looks for something else to eat, and he does this every 1 hour until that he sleeps. He has gained weight, and does not go out for a short walk or even to do sports in the
house. We all tell him that it is not good for his health but he does not listen to anyone.
I then ordered a lock (luckily our fridge is 2 doors) lock the fridge after the dessert he has eaten after supper. He is very angry and says that it is abuse but I do this for his good, I intend to unlock it after some hours have passed at least.
AITA for doing that?
PS : Sorry for my english. ###### | NTA- the bro has an eating problem. ###### |
I live in an apartment complex right next to a creek trail. I walk my dog on it almost every day. It’s really nice, except for the fact that my upstairs neighbor never picks up after her dog. I’ve seen her out the window neglecting to pick it up when her dog poops. It infuriated me because it makes the trail smelly and unpleasant. I know her dog’s size and shape of poop and I have stepped in it multiple times. Now, I might have cut her some slack if she was a nice person, but she is not. She glares at me when I walk by, and is overall very short-tempered. When I asked her about the shit once, she told me to fuck off. Not to mention the fact that she makes an ungodly amount of noise at 12am which often keeps me up. Basically, I had had enough. The next day, before her usual walk time, I made a bunch of little flags using sticks and paper, and put her dog’s name on them. Then, I walked down the trail and put a flag on each of the deposits. I watched from my window as she passed each shit, looking confused and angry. Later, I got a knock on my door, and opened it to find Pam, irate and saying that I had been immature and petty, which I admit I may have been. However, it was very satisfying to see her get what was coming to her. I know it wasn’t very nice, but do the ends justify the means? ###### | NTA- thats just hilarious. You didnt do anything actually mean ( in my opinion anyways). Now if you picked up the poop and left it at her doorway I might say ur the A. But what you did was not only hilarious but also very creative.
Question...what happen after? Are the poops still there with the flags in them? ###### |
Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) were in the middle of foreplay when I pulled back his for skin and saw it was a little bit ( just a little bit ) gross. I asked him if he could clean it before we went any further and he responded by saying “can we not just have sex then go shower?” To which I said that’s unsanitary and I didn’t want to. He then threw a hissy, stated the mood was gone because of me and he didn’t want to have sex anymore. AITA? ###### | NTA- that could give you an infection. ###### |
I’ve lived in this neighborhood for ages now, and we have this cat who wanders around. Thing is, I know that it’s not lost and I know exactly who the cat’s owners are. Almost every day at the same time, when I get off the bus and walk to my house, the cat is waiting there for me and I give it a good scratch and let her snuggle against my feet before I go inside. Sometimes she follows and sometimes show doesn’t. Anyways my gf has become pretty endeared to this feline and has tried to feed it. Idk if it’s the right thing to do to feed it or not, I was always raised not to feed other people’s pets so I’ve stopped her from doing that.
It’s now gotten to the point where my gf is seriously in love with the rascall, even asking me if we should just say fuck it and keep the cat for ourselves and I laughed it off because I thought she was joking. Narrator: *she wasn’t joking*. Next time I saw the cat she had a different collar on and my girlfriend had went out and gotten a collar for “our cat”. I told her to stop being ridiculous as it’s not our cat and she argued that she spends a lot of her time here so she might as well be. I said that’s not our decision to make and told her to put the collar back on the cat and she refused and said she’d already thrown it away. I had to dig through the garbage and get it back and give it a good washing before I exchanged the collar again. Now she’s mad at me because she thinks I’m being controlling but it’s not our goddamn cat. ###### | NTA- Tell the owners. She is acting like a dam child. Please leave her. She just refused to not have someone else cat? The hell is wrong with her. ###### |
I came to live with my parents in Alaska when Universities told their students to go home and I just graduated. Even though I’m on social security, I still managed to save some money for an emergency. I had to leave all of my home goods in the lower 48 and I’m expected to pay for my vehicle and possessions to be driven here. But that’s not the issue.
My sister and her fiancé decided to move back home too because of some hard financial hits and coronavirus cutting her work hours. I asked if I could move in with her when the time comes because generally just want to get a different job and don’t want to live with my parents anymore. I told her I would help pay rent and that we would have strictly roommate relationship rules. She didn’t say anything at first, but a couple days later asked to borrow money from me for the entire deposit, I said yes and that’s when she informed me I wouldn’t be allowed to move with her.
So I’m wanting to know if I would be the asshole if I told her I changed my mind about loaning her the money? I already said I would, I know she’s in a financial situation and I’ll probably never see the money again, but what she did really just... yeah. ###### | NTA- tell her you need the money for your own deposit, since you won’t be living with her. ###### |
I got an IUD in August and told my mom I was getting it, she paid because i’m her daughter and she wanted to.
Fast forward to October and my mom calls me at college and says she has a funny story. Mind you, we both tend to joke about my dad because he’s a character and they’re divorced. She says that my dad found out about the IUD because he saw paperwork that i had in my car that he was cleaning out while i was away. HE WAS FURIOUS. He called me mom and yelled at her over the phone about how i have an IUD and my mom was like “oh yeah i knew about that” and then my dad proceeded to yell at her for not telling him and she was like “she’s 18 and it’s not my place to tell you about her reproductive choices.” My dad is acting as if I needed his permission for this. I didn’t even need to tell my mom in the first place, but i chose to because we’re close like that. Anyways, this was a while ago but it still sits weird with me. He has no say in the matter. I don’t like that my dad felt obligated to know about this personal aspect of my life especially because he’s otherwise a very progressive, liberal man so it doesn’t really make sense as to why he’s trying to police my goddamn uterus. Idk thoughts? ###### | NTA- sounds like your dad is having a hard time transitioning seeing you as a child to an adult. He sees you as the little girl and doesn’t want to think about you having sex. He will eventually get over it but was probably shocked that you are even having sex. Give him a bit of a break, at least he didn’t confront you and have a very awkward conversation. Good for you for taking the initiative and getting on birth control. ###### |
I am a recovering anorexic that has been through treatment and therapy for this disorder however, no one in my family knows anything about that at all.
I am 21 y/o F that has moved back home with my aunt because my university shut down and since I’ve been back every time she seems me eating she teases me about how my backside seems to be getting larger and today she asked if I have “looked in the mirror lately” because I “eat too much”.
To her it’s harmless games and just joking around. I can attest that this is just how her humor is, very crude and often times will cross a line.
She never hesitates to call other people in my family fat or to make “jokes” about random strangers she’ll see when we go out. It’s extremely embarrassing but at this point I’ve accepted that’s how she is and I just have to live with it for the time being. Usually when she’s conversing with other family members about their weight, their conversations are full of laughter and very light hearted.
I’ve been told by her and others that I am overly sensitive to things so I fear I may be over reacting. I know she’s genuinely not being malicious but it doesn’t make me feel good when she teases me every time I am eating around her.
Today I yelled at her for constantly being rude which made her really upset. She apologized and made it known that she was just joking and didn’t mean any offense by it. I feel a little bad for my outburst especially since she does not know that I am a recovering anorexic who gets extremely triggered when people mention my weight or comment on the frequency of which I eat.
AITA? ###### | NTA- she's old enough to know how to behave. Feel free to point that out to her next time she gets inappropriate. ###### |
Me [18M] and my girlfriend [18F] have been dating for 2 and a half years. We trust and love each other a ton. I have nude photos of her on my phone. My twin sister [18F] a few days ago snooped through my phone and found the pictures. I'm angry at her for invading me and my girlfriend's privacy, and feel guilty for not better protecting my phone and thus exposing my girlfriend. I have since put a passlock on my phone as well as the folder with her naked pictures.
My sister says she snooped cause she was bored, wanted to see my pictures, and accidentally stumbled upon the nudes. I suspect she may have looked for my gf's nudes on purpose but either way its fucked up. As far as I know, she didn't see my nudes (hopefully yikes). My sister is gay and has a girlfriend [17F] of almost a year. I'll call my sister "M". Since then M has been making a lot of comments on the pictures and my girlfriend to me. This really upsets me and I think its super disrespectful. Things she has said include:
" Damn she's hot, a solid 9"
"Her boobs are almost as nice as mine"
"If I was single, I could get with her"
"She has a nice pussy"
"You don't deserve that body"
I keep telling her to shut the fuck and stop disrespecting my girlfriend but she wouldn't stop. So I told her if she keeps making these comments I'd tell her girlfriend what she's doing but she didn't believe me and didn't stop. So I texted her girlfriend a screenshot of some of the creepy stuff M has texted me about my girlfriend and told her what M was doing.
M is now furious at me because her gf got super mad at her. She says I might have cost her, her relationship.
I didn't and don't want to tell my parents as I didn't want to out my sister as gay to them, and they would flip out if they knew I was exchanging nudes
Did I overreact or go overkill involving her girlfriend? ###### | NTA- She's being disgusting to your partner, if I was being spoken about like that, i'd want to know. I think it was a good flag to send to her partner, because comments like that are REALLY signs that there may be some issues that lie in the relationship ###### |
so basically when i was born, my grandpa set up a bank account for me in my mum’s name (since people under 13 can’t have an account in their name). thing is, my mum stole the money. she was mad at my dad so she took me and my little sister on a holiday using the money from that bank account. i was about 6 at the time and don’t remember much about the trip. i had no idea until last year.
when i first found out about it from my dad, i confronted her and she deflected it back onto me because she paid for a school trip that i went on. the trip was a few thousand dollars so i let it go at the time, but recently my dad told me that the value would have been about $15k by now if it hadn’t been touched. my mum has spent a lot of money on me but i feel a bit cheated
my mum refuses to admit to it. she blames my dad’s family for telling me and says that she’s “hurt i keep bringing it up”. i love my mum but she broke my trust. i think that because i was little she thought i wouldn’t ever find out. i don’t even want the money back at this point, i just want her to apologise and admit that she wronged me. i told her that i wouldn’t see her again until she did so, and that i’m not seeing her on mother’s day.
my step dad thinks i’m being unfair, and my mum will give me money if i just let the apology go. AITA? should i just accept the money and get over it? ###### | NTA- she stole from you. It doesn’t matter if it was used on you, she stole it. She broke your and your grandfathers trust. She owes you an apology at a minimum. ###### |
I am (17F) and I am 173 (5'8) cm and I weigh about 68 kgs (150 pounds). I have struggled with body image issues throughout my life.
My mom cares about my health a lot and has been telling me to lose weight for the past year. First it was mild but now it has become slightly overbearing as she tells me to watch what I eat all the time. I understand, really. Her concern is natural.
I used to go running before but since I can't really do that these days, I am exercising at home. To be honest, our home is not very big and there's not much space so the exercise isn't very fruitful so I decided to follow a diet too.
Normally my mom makes easy to make food which isn't always very healthy as she doesn't really like putting too much effort into our food. Which I was fine with.
Now, my mom flat out refused to cook some healthy alternatives for me as she says that there is no need for me to go on a diet if I just exercise enough. I told her that the exercise isn't being really helpful to me.
Mom said that she can't cook extra healthy food for me as it would be too much work for her. Then I suggested that she can cook the healthy meal for both of us. She flat out refused and said that I was the one who needed to lose weight, not her.
Finally I decided that I should make my own food. My mother said that I have never been near the stove my entire life and that I'll burn the house down. She says if I just exercise enough then I won't have to go on a diet.
Yesterday i refused to eat the food made by her and instead made myself some salad. My mother feels insulted and says that I am being disrespectful.
Am I really being disrespectful?
AITA for making my own food when Mom told me not to? ###### | NTA- she sounds controlling her concern doesn't sound like real concern. She got onto you for making a healthy choice to fix your 'issue'. It sounds like she is bullying you. ###### |
My wife wants us to compete in a weight loss competition, so it can make it easier for her.
The thing is, I can’t healthily lose any weight. I’m just 5 pounds from being underweight. I still do work out to become more fit, but I don’t lose weight.
My wife is slightly overweight. She wants to come down to a healthier level, which I wholeheartedly support. But, I can’t bring myself to compete in something that I can’t possibly win at. My wife thinks that this is unfair, and that is competing will make it easier for her.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA- she should consider your health and you're doing the right thing. However, maybe compete, you gain, she loses? ###### |
I won a national scholarship for excelling in my A levels so my high school had a ceremony honouring the 9 of us from our year who did and also invited the parents of everyone. My mother decided that it's just a small ceremony, wasn't important and no other parent would really bother to go so she just dropped me off and went to the gym.
It turns out that every parent came and I was the only one alone but I just worked with it. When I arrived home she asked if any other parent was there and I said yes. She asked how many and I said all others. She said I made her look bad for not calling her to come. My father said the same thing.
So AITA for not calling and telling her to come to the ceremony ###### | NTA- she didn’t want to go just because it was a small ceremony. But in reality it’s a an academic accomplishment she should have been proud of and to be there to support you would have been the proper thing to do as a parent. To get mad at your for not calling her and telling her to come back is just ridiculous. Congratulations btw and NTA NTA NTA! ###### |
Follow up on my previous post[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di82hm/aita_told_moms_boyfriend_was_being_a_cnt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Basically I (19m) got into a fight with my mums boyfriend after he berated me for disrespecting my mother for there being clothes pegs on the ground and it ended with him calling me a little asshole and me saying he’s being a c*nt. Realising this blowup would wreck my mums relationship I tried to apologise twice, one of those times in front of my mum to prove I was being sincere.
He broke up with my mother for the second time in a month over this and said they could get back together if she kicks me out of the house immediately. She called up her family and caused all this drama to try and kick me out and although most were sympathetic they said I should leave. So after my semester at uni finished last year I have left home and am living with a flat mate and my sister who’s relationship with my mum is also strained.
My mother never got together with her boyfriend and has met a new guy who is amazing and hates the last boyfriend for what he did.
My mum has pretended like she never kicked me out and we still see each other every week for dinner. She never apologised for choosing her boyfriend over me and it’s always bugged me knowing she doesn’t have my back. My relationship with her side of the family is pretty strained now and although I love my mum and tried to work things out with her it’s been 6 months since I left home and I still kind of resent her.
WIBTA if I cut her off? ###### | NTA- she did this to herself not you. By choosing her a-hole of a boyfriend over you and turning her side of the family against you. ###### |
My ex and I broke up a month ago and we met up to exchange each other’s belongings. I was with her for three years.
One of my things I had left at her’s accidentally was my necklace that belonged to my grandfather, valued around $600. I asked her several times to remember to bring it and she said she would.
We meet up and she completely forgets the necklace and even tells me she lost it. This is heart breaking because it has a lot of sentimental value and I haven’t lost any of her belongings. I beg for her to check her place again but she insists she lost it, it is gone.
I asked her to front me $300 if she lost my necklace to help pay for a new one. I’m not expecting the full cost of the necklace. She says absolutely not, and that it’s tough luck she lost it. She said this makes me seem like a gold digger asking her for the cash. She comes from an extremely wealthy family ($300 is nothing) and I come from a lower middle class household.
AITA for asking her to front the money for a sentimental item of mine SHE lost? ###### | NTA- she “lost” something valuable to you, the fact that she refuses to own up to that speaks volumes about her integrity and maturity. I’m glad she’s your ex now ###### |
So, I have pretty horrendous eyesight. Well, I used to, because I got LASIK pretty recently. Because of this, I have a habit of leaning closer to the TV or laptop screen or whatever while I’m watching TV. When I say leaning I’m just sitting straight upwards and not leaning back into the couch or bed or whatever. Even after my surgery I haven’t lost the habit and I just lean in when I get really into the show. Idk why but it’s always bothered her. First she said that my posture was bad but when I pointed out to her that my posture is great (by virtue of me sitting with my back straight upwards) and the fact that hers is far worse than mine (her back is curved because of this), she backed off of that excuse. But then she never let go of the issue. For the life of me I don’t know why she has such a problem with it. I should also note that I’ve asked her if I’m blocking her from the screen and she says that I don’t. But she just. Won’t. Stop. It’s gotten worse and more frequent because we’re at home more now and we spend a lot of our time watching Netflix together. I’ve asked her to please stop, I’m doing nothing wrong, etc etc.
So today she was doing it again. I asked her to stop and she does for a while. Then I get up to pee and when I come back she grips my shoulder and pulls me backwards and at this point I can’t help myself and yell at her to leave me alone and eff off and I don’t know why it bothers you so much that I’m sitting straight up or leaning forward, it’s not hurting either me or you. She actually burst into tears and said she’s going for a walk and some fresh air. She hasn’t been back for a while and now I’m getting a bit worried. AITA? ###### | NTA- others on here say you shouldn't have yelled at her and made her cry, but I think that's BS. People yell at each other, and its sexist to say you should have kept your wits about you when she laid HANDS on you and physically tried to get you to do what she wanted.
This should be a non-issue. She made it an issue. You arent an asshole. ###### |
know this sounds horrible but there's background.
I've been married 20 years and I've never been close to her. She skips over our kids on holidays and hasn't acknowledged a birthday, except her own, for about 5 years. My husband, her son, doesn't speak to her because of verbal abuse he had from her growing up. My nieces and nephew (18, 19 and 21) also don't speak to her because she is an awful toxic person.
In Feburary she texted me that she had breast cancer. Being a nurse, I jumped into action and got her set up with a visiting nurse, meals on wheels and a housekeeper. I brought her to her first appt so I could understand what type and the treatment options as she refuses to wear hearing aids and has a 6th grade education. I followed up with her brother who lives nearby and relayed what he needs to do to help her.
Then came her first chemo appointment. It was 4 and a half hours. She introduced me as "her ride" and "the bitch" to everyone who came in then sat on her phone talking to "her real daughter in law" being my husband's ex that he hadnt seen since they broke up in 1998, about me. Never said thank you. Then I got her home and walked her dog then gave him a bath. Cleaned her house and got her set up with ensure drinks and whatever she needed. Still no thank you.
Now, I'm in the mindset of she has cancer and she can do or say anything she wants right now. My husband is livid. I didnt even tell him half of it. The more I thought about it the more I just want to wash my hands of it and pass the responsibility to her brother (hes nice but equally ignorant).
Would i be a horrible person? I'm just over her ignorant shitty behavior. ###### | NTA- omfg woman, you must be an incredibly compassionate nurse because you have already gone so above and beyond for this monster-in-law, it’s crazy! Use the 4 1/2 hours for a spa day next time, and let her “real” daughter in law take her nasty ass to chemo. You’ve more than earned a break! ###### |
Long story short: My former roommate and I had a lot of issues. We're friends, but by the end of living together, I almost couldn't stand her. She expected me to be her mom - I bought all the groceries, cleaned, etc. She only paid 1/3 of the rent, and she has the maturity of a teenager.
Living with her was detrimental to my mental/emotional health, my relationship, and my finances. She moved back in with her parents when the lease was up. I remained at the same apartment.
She's been begging me for the last few weeks to let her move back in because her situation at home isn't great. I've said no.
Today, I found out that she's living in her car, and I feel like an AH but I also don't want her to move back in. ###### | NTA- obviously her situation is awful But, at the end of the day, that is not your fault. You don't need to let anyone live with you who causes you more anxiety than joy. Maybe offer her some support in other ways, by visiting her a few times a week, keeping her spirits up, etc etc. But, at the end of the day, you are not obligated to do anything, ###### |
So this happened maybe 10 min ago at the park, I own a shiba inu, if you know anything about the breed they are not like most dogs in a lot of aspects, I have owned several of them one who I got a little older who had some very bad aggression issues but after years of training and love became one of the best dogs I have ever owned. Also I have worked in humane societies and have a certificate through the AKC to train dogs ( not saying a am the dog whisperer or some crap). This lady walks up to me and asks what kind of dog I have and I tell her a shiba inu and she responds by telling me that is the type of dog her and her husband have been looking into getting and if could tell her anything about the breed? I explained good and bad aspects of the dog for a min or two and asked if she had ever owned dogs before which she replied no and I said I usually wouldn’t suggest someone getting this breed as a first time dog owner which at that point she became noticeably upset and snapped back with telling me that I am extremely rude for telling her she shouldn’t get a certain kind of dog when she doesn’t even know her and walked off.
When I left I wondered if I was being to harsh or not? ###### | NTA- Nah, I wish more people gave honest real advice, I hate when people say “Yeah sure get a husky even though you live in an apartment” in an effort to try to be polite. Good for you for being honest it’s not fair to the dog or the person to encourage someone to do something that could end poorly. I couldn’t even handle a dog like that. I wish more people read into the different temperaments of different breeds before getting them and then dumping them when they are to hard to handle. ###### |
My girlfriend cooks a dish.
I try out the dish as is, and it tastes very good.
I want to try putting hot sauce see how it tastes like.
My girlfriend gets mad and says that it insults her cooking and insinuates that she doesn't know how to cook.
For me, I don't find that it's different from adding cheese or salt/pepper. In no way am I saying her dish was bad, in fact it was amazing. I usually cook and I wouldn't mind at all if she adds extra condiments.
AITA for wanting to add spice? ###### | NTA- My friends vietmanese mom will absolutely cut your head of if you do this to her Pho without tasting it. But she knows every one has different tast and as long as your try it the way she intended she has no problem what the hell you do to it. ###### |
I (22) live in mature student accommodation while I do my Masters. One of my housemates and her husband (early 30s) got pregnant after moving in.
I haven’t slept in weeks and haven’t been able to do my uni work. I am living on this baby’s schedule. I pay a lot to live in this housing and it is against our legal contract to generate noise loud enough to disturb other tenants. I understand that they can’t move out any time soon but I think it’s selfish to have a baby in student housing and they should move out when this is over. WIBTA? ###### | NTA- most colleges have the option to switch to family housing if they become a family. ###### |
So I know it sounds bad but hear me out. I found a used sofa listed online, and I asked the owner if I could come by and check it out. She agreed; she was keeping it in her garage. When I arrived I asked if it was okay if I felt it and generally "checked it out", and she said fine. I looked to see if if the cushions were detachable, looked for stains, that sort of thing. Then I sat on it, and the whole thing collapsed. It seems one of the legs was loose or already broken. (If it matters, I'm 130lbs.)
I said I was sorry, I felt bad about it and embarrassed. She said I would have to buy it now. I was taken aback and replied that all I had done was sit on the couch - if it collapsed obviously there was something wrong with it before I arrived. She said there was nothing wrong with it before I sat down and that she "didn't give me permission to sit on it" and now she couldn't sell to anyone else so I would have to take it.
I said no and left. But now I can't stop thinking about it. In my mind, when she said it was fine if I inspected the couch, this would obviously mean that I could sit in it. Isn't that one of the first things anybody does when checking out a couch?
So what do you think, reddit? AITA? ###### | NTA- likely it was already broken and she was trying to scam you ###### |
Last week my parents and I had a serious discussion concerning life insurance. They are, by no means, expecting to pass anytime soon. However, they felt the need to have this set up now and speak with me about it.
The topic of my younger siblings eventually came up. I’m about 16 years older than both of them and I’m 23 currently. They simply wanted to know who should become their legal guardian should anything unfortunate happen. Unsurprisingly, their first option was myself. Their second option is my aunt whom they both trust immensely.
They explained to me that, if anything should happen to them, that I would have to prepare to care for my two siblings. They phrased it in such a way that I’d most likely have to move, find a different job, and raise them with my fiancé. They also told me that “it would be easy” because this life insurance would be helping me financially.
I declined fairly quick. My mom was completely understanding, which I appreciated. However, my stepdad seemed bothered by my decision. He didn’t say anything beyond “but they’re your brother and sister” and “you should be there for them”. Yeah, I love them unconditionally, but I don’t even want kids of my own! And the idea of my life potentially changing so drastically terrifies me.
They haven’t brought it up again since, but I’m starting to feel a bit guilty about my choice. I definitely feel selfish, but... I feel like it’s my right to say no? On the other hand, my stepdad’s words make me feel like the asshole here. ###### | NTA- kids are huge responsibility that require a lot of emotional labor and not everyone is meant to raise kids.
There might be a time later in your life where you want to be their guardian, but in your current position in life it's not in the picture. ###### |
One of my best friends is getting married next year, and I agreed to be in the wedding and have bought my bridesmaid dress already. I recently found out that my ex-boyfriend will also be in the wedding. As far as I know, we will not be walking down the aisle together, but who knows? I was a little apprehensive about being in the wedding with him (I’ll get to why in a moment), but, my friend said that I could bring my current boyfriend to the wedding with me, and that made me feel a lot better. Now, I am not normally one to get flustered around an ex-boyfriend, but, after we broke up (about two years ago), and I started dating other men, I realized that he had talked me into doing things I didn’t want to do (namely, sex) on multiple occasions. Yesterday, as I was talking to my current boyfriend, he realized that he would not be able to come because they are getting new software at work the month of the wedding, and no one is allowed to take time off during that month while the staff adjusts. (I should also mention that this wedding is out of state and on a Thursday.) My ex-boyfriend is extremely close with both the bride and groom and especially with the bride’s family, and he and her younger brother are best friends. WIBTA for telling my friend that I would not be comfortable even attending the wedding with my ex there as long as my current boyfriend cannot go? ###### | Nta- just tell your friend what happened and that you don’t feel safe being around him so you won’t be attending. Don’t try to make her choose. ###### |
My friend and l(both 18f) we were always a bit on the heavier side. We would get teased at school but it was nothing malicious. She would always take offence so l asked my classmates to stop it when she was around and they did.
All was well until graduation ( last year) when the girls of the class thought we should arrange a beach holiday for us girls. When we were alone(my friend and l)I joked that we should start getting beach body ready. She took the joke seriously and agreed.
So when 2020 started l changed up my diet and started exercising. The progress was slow but steady but it was paying off. Then when lockdown was in place l started up the old xbox 360 and continued with the routine. I am not at my goal but l am getting there.
Anyways, I was feeling proud of my progress so l put on my status how l may be beach body ready even though we aren't going to the beach. She sees this and gets mad.
She says l have betrayed her and we agreed to do this together and accused me of hating my body etc things of that nature.
I felt guilty about not informing her but I thought l am not in the wrong.
Reddit, do you agree? ###### | NTA- its your body and you dont need to feel guilty for trying to eat better or exercising. This is not a betrayal. But you can suggest helping her to make some changes too, if she chooses not to, she has no right to be mad at you for doing something positive in your own life. ###### |
I share a house with 4 people, we are all in college. I before we moved in, I bought a new receiver so I could listen to my music through these larger speakers I had recently acquired. The receiver has Bluetooth capability so naturally we all connect to listen to music, which I had no problem with, all I asked is that after they disconnect after they use it so if I want to use it and they’re not, it will connect to my phone, they never do, ever. Yesterday I finally hit a breaking point and told them to disconnect to the Bluetooth because i am never able to connect because one of their phones always is. They start banning me from all their stuff and eventually I just leave because I was so mad. ###### | NTA- it’s yours. But they have the right to not let you use their stuff anymore. ###### |
Some backstory: I (F21) am in my 3rd year of college. Right now I am taking an English Literature class where we read books and analyze them and write essays on them. Since the pandemic my school has been online. So I took this opportunity to go and stay with my parents. They drove 4 hours to pick me up as I don't have a car. My parents are Christians and are very against homosexuals and stuff like that. I am not and I am an atheist, we also have very different political views.
Anyway, I was reading a book called Maurice by E.M Forster. This book is about a homosexual boy in 1910 when he is at Cambridge Uni and after. I only read that book in my room where I sleep and everything as to not upset them and to respect their views until this point. I have been really enjoying this book but I hadn't been reading it fast enough. I had an essay due on it on Sunday and it was already Friday and if I failed this essay or I don't get it in on time I will have to retake the class. So I was reading like crazy wherever and whenever I could to get it done.
I went to go make some lunch and to take a tiny break from my book. My mom picked up my book and read the back and even the page I was on (which happened to be them kissing). She started throwing a tantrum and saying that I shouldn't have brought that stuff into her house and just being overall homophobic. She even threw my book away into the trash so it was ruined. I emailed my professor and he gave me an extra 3 days and even gave me the source to read it online (I have a great professor). My mom has since then threatened to kick me out because of it and stuff. AITA? ###### | NTA- it’s not your fault, you cant change someone’s views who won’t open up for change. Your not the asshole though. ###### |
I'm from the rural midwest and my girlfriend is from a highly popuated area in Australia. Growing up I always drank milk with nearly every meal and I never viewed it as strange until I met my girlfriend. She pointed out that drinking milk with certain meals (pizza, spaghetti, etc) is really gross to her and that I was gross for doing it. She argues that when we eat together that I should refrain from doing it and drink something else instead because she is disgusted by it. AITA for drinking milk with meals that I eat with her? ###### | NTA- it’s not like you’re drinking piss. It’s a normal beverage drink it whenever you want my dude ###### |
My sister is only five years old, so you can imagine the excitement when we adopted a cat. She's very handsy with the cat, often carries her despite the cat jumping out of her hands each time. I keep telling her to leave the cat alone but she only listens for like a minute. I keep telling my parents to tell her to stop annoying the cat but they said that I have to let her play with the cat because that was one of the conditions that I agreed to when I asked for a cat. I don't mind my sister playing with the cat but she always tries to pet her and carry her when the cat is eating or grooming herself. One day my parents and me were watching TV and I hadn't realisedthat my sister had sneaked into my room probably trying to carry the cat. My sister comes back out of my room very quitely. The sleeping cat was also out of the room her back arched and the tail puffed up. She looked something like [this](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/be/2f/5f/be2f5f2707988f33f529150719584276.jpg). We checked on her and the cat has scratched her face, chest and her arm. The scratches weren't very deep but it still bled quite a bit. I asked what happened and she said that the cat was asleep and so she went lift her and then the cat scratched her. My parents said that this could have been avoided if we hadn't gotten the cat. But I said that cats are both prey and predators adn that my sister grabbing her while asleep probably alarmed her. They were still adamant that it was the cat fault but I said they should have told her to stop annoying the cat all the time.
AITA? ###### | NTA- It's actually your parents' fault she got scratched. Five year olds are smart enough to understand warnings, but they lack the impulse control to follow the warnings consistently. Your parents, being the ones responsible for your sister, should have spent some time with her learning about cats and what cats do and do not like and placing boundaries around the cat with age appropriate consequences. Like, if you try to grab the cat while she's eating, you have to go play in the other room until the cat is done.
I'm sorry your sister got scratched, but chances are, she won't be as grabby with the cat anymore. ###### |
In this story I am a very introverted person and always been like that from a young age while my family is very extroverted. like to be in my room for awhile I am a 16M.
Backstory
When I was 8 I had door with a lock on it and my favorite thing to do was legos and that was all I would do. One day my one of my two sister now 13 was 5 went to my room and broke all the things I spent awhile on making so when I got home from school I was mad and went in my room and locked the door. My sister wanted to play with me and my parents told me to play with her and I refuse so they broke down my door. So that how Iost my door and two years ago when I got a new door with no door handle on it. So the door has a hole on the one of the sides that is just big enough for someone to look into.
So during this quaratein I have been forced to hang out with my family more which dosen't bother me to much. There is just one thing my sister 10 is the worst she is the stereotypical entitled child who will cry when anything bad happens or any criticism while also saying she doesn't care.Who will make very high pitched voices and will call everyone child. She dosen't care about anyone's privacy and will just walk into my room and scream in an annoying voice while I'm on call to embarrass me and my friends who is on speaker said can you tell that fat bitch to shut the fuck up and she ran out crying. My friend does not like my sister she is very annoying when he comes over and is the reason he dosen't come over. My parents got mad and said I shouldn't have people on speaker and I said she shouldn't have been in my room and I should have a lock. They said I need to make my friend apologize and I said no and she needed to hear it she is obese and is told constantly she is skinny and any time she is told other wise she cries and is told by my parents she is skinny.
So reddit am I the ass for saying it not my fault my sister heard bad things and I need a lock. ###### | NTA- It's a bit concerning that you, as a sixteen year old boy, do not have a door that locks in a household full of girls. It's an issue of the healthy amount of privacy and space that teenagers need. I mean you can't always sit behind a locked door, but you should be able to go to your parents and say, "I'm going to talk to my friends for a bit so I will be locking the door since we don't want to be interrupted by my little sisters" or be able to lock the door for a few minutes while you get dressed after a shower.
Anyhow, here's a trick that might work for you, at least temporarily. Do you have a doorstop in your house? (One of those triangle peaces of wood that you wedge under a door to keep it from closing.) If your bedroom door opens inward, whenever you want to prevent your sisters from just barging into your room, close the door and put in the doorstop. Your sister, when they try to get inside, will just push the door further onto the doorstop. So they might be able to crack the door open a little, but they can't just wander in. When they complain that they can't get the door open, tell them to hold on a sec, they pushed the door onto something (clothes) that was on the floor. It's going to take you a minute to get it unstuck. The key is not to let them see the doorstop. This might result in your parents taking away your door again, but it will prevent your sisters from busting into your room while you're naked. ###### |
My (26F) boyfriend (25M) gifted me a pair of expensive headphones he got for free last year. I’ve been using them pretty regularly since, and he’s been away travelling for much of the time. Now he’s home and staying with me because of current circumstances and has been using my headphones quite a bit while I’ve been at work (I’m fine with this). When I got home from work this afternoon he asked if he could have them permanently. I laughed and said no I use them and they were a gift. Now he keeps asking and borderline begging me for them saying he’s “stressed” about not having headphones when he goes back to travelling for work, even though we don’t know when that will be. They’re expensive headphones and I don’t really know why he can’t buy his own cheaper headphones if he doesn’t want to spend that much money right now. I bought his plane ticket home and have been fully paying the rent and most of the groceries while he’s been here. He said he’d buy me cheap ones that have a cord (the ones in question are cordless) in exchange, but I’ve gotten used to having the cordless ones... should I just let it go and give him the headphones? It seems a petty thing to fight over but I think it’s rude to ask for a gift back a year after the fact. AITA?? ###### | NTA- it was a gift. period. he doesn’t just get to decide he wants them a year later and take them back. if he’s okay freeloading rent food and basically everything else off of you then he can at least buy his own headphones. sounds like you’re dating a child instead of a grown man tbh. ###### |
So I know it sounds bad but hear me out. I found a used sofa listed online, and I asked the owner if I could come by and check it out. She agreed; she was keeping it in her garage. When I arrived I asked if it was okay if I felt it and generally "checked it out", and she said fine. I looked to see if if the cushions were detachable, looked for stains, that sort of thing. Then I sat on it, and the whole thing collapsed. It seems one of the legs was loose or already broken. (If it matters, I'm 130lbs.)
I said I was sorry, I felt bad about it and embarrassed. She said I would have to buy it now. I was taken aback and replied that all I had done was sit on the couch - if it collapsed obviously there was something wrong with it before I arrived. She said there was nothing wrong with it before I sat down and that she "didn't give me permission to sit on it" and now she couldn't sell to anyone else so I would have to take it.
I said no and left. But now I can't stop thinking about it. In my mind, when she said it was fine if I inspected the couch, this would obviously mean that I could sit in it. Isn't that one of the first things anybody does when checking out a couch?
So what do you think, reddit? AITA? ###### | NTA- it sounds like it was already broken, and the owner was trying to pull a fast one on someone. ###### |
My gf and I live in a 600+ sq ft apartment on a bottom floor with 2 cats. Quite recently, my gf had to make the decision to put down her dog due to liver failure. It was very fast and sudden, because we went in for a upset stomach and expected medication, not a lack of dog.
She immediatly started looking for another dog to adopt. I completly understand this, because getting another dog is part if the grieving process. However, this is where I wonder if I'm the asshole: I told her no.
My gf likes a "beagle/hound" mix that isn't fully housetrained and used to be abused, so the world is still scary for them. I'm very hesitant on getting a dog, because for our last dog, a lot of the walking/training resposibilities fell on me. I would get guilt-tripped into taking the dog out for walks by myself, while my gf would NEED me to be with her. I don't have the patience for dogs and while I like them, I'm more of a cat person anyways. I'm not ready for more financial costs and the emotional/physical responsibility of another adult dog that has problems. We're gone 9 hours a day and we can't always afford dog walking/sitting. However, its really hard to see my gf go through something like this. ###### | NTA- it should be a mutual decision to bring a new pet into the house.
If you two didn't live together, then yea, you'd have no say in the matter. But since you do live together you will have responsibilities to the pet. It's not reasonable to be forced into pet ownership.
I'm not sure I agree with your statement that getting a new dog is part of the grieving process. A lot of people do get new dog's when one dies, but many do not. Those that don't still process their grief.
I'm sorry for y'alls loss. ###### |
I'm the eldest sibling in my family and have always prompted my younger brothers to remember important dates for our parents. Over the past two years, my youngest brother (29) has been living with a woman who has some strong beliefs about death and being in places where people have died. As such, my brother has drifted away from the family.
He has said some very rude and offensive things to me and our other brother and uses our parents as an ATM. I can't blame my parents for helping, as it is always some dire emergency like their power is going to be shut off (the GF has two kids from two other guys who live with them) or not enough money for groceries, etc.
Recently, he has refused leftovers that my mother was bringing to him for his lunch at work as the food has been in her house and is "cursed." These lunch drop offs were the only in person contact my mother had with him. When he cut off the visits, it broke her heart and she cried. My mom is not a crier, so you can imagine the protective outrage throughout my family, though we didn't actually go after my brother.
Today is my Mom's birthday. Usually, I would remind my brothers to wish her a happy birthday, but since every time my youngest brother calls, he asks for money and causes general disappointed heartbreak, WIBTA if I didn't remind him? There is a good chance he'll see that it's her birthday on Facebook and that will remind him to call, but if I don't, WIBTA? ###### | NTA- it is not your job to remind a 29 yo man of your mothers birthday. He can succeed or fail on his own
I went through the same thing with my older brother, he forgot moms birthday and then got mad at me for not reminding him. I told him to grow up and stop blaming me for his fuck up ###### |
This happened a few months ago, but my brain won't let this one go.
So I was hanging out with some friends. Two guys, one woman. We're all in our early 20s and have had our fair share of romance in life. The topic of sex popped up and we start talking about some of our past experiences. One guy joked about how having sex only made his dick bigger and bigger. We all laughed and he said that he wished that's how it works. My female friend (let's call her Sarah) piped up and said "Yeah, for women, it's the complete opposite. The more sex you have, the bigger your labia gets and the looser you become." There were some chuckles, but then I asked her if she was serious. She said she was.
Now, this is a big myth. I was surprised a woman who has had some experience actually believes that. I basically told her this, and then she started getting annoyed, asking "how me and my dick knows about that". I said the same way I know anything about female anatomy- I've read up on it. The whole "women get looser" thing is something sexist dudes made up to slut-shame women. My other friends were silent on this. She then just said: "Whatever, I'm not in the mood for this kind of mansplaining."
So I'm at a loss here. AITA for explaining something that I feel like people should just know about? ###### | NTA- ignorant friend who wants to make you feel bad for knowing something about anatomy ###### |
Due to my family I had an opportunity to learn multiple languages from a young age. 12 to be exact. So after I joined the military and learned about FLPP I was making very good pay while basicly living on board a floating city. Since then I have developed the nickname tongues. Goonies referance im guessing. After 8 years and 3 tours I had to call my military career done. And transer to a civilian market. I got a simple job working private security. Drive a nice Benz and am an avid firearms collector. When i go out with friends they always think since I can afford the tab I should pay. The way I see it if its my idea then It should be my dime if I say hey lets all go out to eat then I would offer to pay for everything. I've done this a few times but they just want to party on my dime. One night I get invited out and we all started drinking. I pull the bartender aside and tell them my tab would be separate from the groups and to keep an eye on us. After I had my 3rd shot of liquor and maybe my 5th beer I summon an lyft and go home. An few hours later my cell starts ringing. Its the bartender My friends told the bartender i was supposed to pay, they managed to run up a nearly 500 dollar tab and if they can't pay the police will have to be called. I just hung up and went back to sleep. ###### | NTA- If your friends want to party, they should be responsible to pay for that.
Express that and stay from, don't let them continue to take advantage of your hard work ###### |
Obligatory backstory: my parents are divorced, me and my brother are respectively 21 and 24. My mom remarried a guy with only adult children (like in their 30s), and my dad is about to marry a woman with many children between the ages of 5-15.
I'm getting married in the fall, so I'm in the process of packing up my childhood bedroom. I noticed my dad has gotten out a lot of my old books and toys for when his future step-kids visit. A lot of my books are very sentimental to me, as I adored reading growing up, and I hope to pass on my books to my kids one day. WIBTA to hide my childhood stuff so that I can get it back for my own kids in the future? I don't want my step siblings to get attached to something and then not be able to get it back when I try to reclaim it.
My mom says it's my right to control my stuff but my fiancé says it might be selfish, since I'm not actively using it right now. I'm really torn because I don't want to be the evil stepsister but I also don't want my dad to see his first kids' treasured items as something he can just give to his new family at his own disposal. ###### | NTA- If you care about these things, you should be able to keep them. Especially since you have plans to pass them down eventually. I think it helps everyone in the long run if you separate your stuff out. And as an added bonus, if there is anything you don't see yourself keeping, you could always leave that behind for them if they want it! ###### |
Tldr at the end
There's talks about small gatherings being able to happen before my birthday so my parents wanted to invite family over & I told my grandmother if it's possible to come over she can celebrate her birthday as well (There's a week difference between my grandmother & mw while a 9 day difference me & My cousin)
also i dislike kids because they cause me to break down.
my auntie was told about this & then she Was saying how great it was that myself, My grandmother & My cousin will be celebrating the same day. My mother said that's not happening, There will be drinking & I can't deal with kids yet my auntie kept demanding her to just ask me. (legal age of drinking in my country is 16 with Parent supervision & in your own home, 18 for buying)
I have been helping sort out my backgarden to make a makeshift 'bar' & invite few neighbours, My auntie, her 2 kids & My grandparents over. There will be social distancing & also theyll not be there for long periods of time ( & again this is only in talks for now, it all depends on what the rules are)
I avoid voicing myself & never wanted to celebrate my other birthdays but I've been planning to celebrate my 18th for years with my parents so I'm not sure if I'm being an asshole or if what I'm doing is fair
TLDR:
Auntie is trying to convince me to allow her kids birthday ti be celebrated with my 18th party because I asked my grandmother to celebrate her birthday with me. there will be drinking & social distancing (Wont happen if the rules arent allowing small gatherings.) I feel bad since I don't usually see my birthday as a big deal but Its my only one I ever wanted to celebrate so I'm not sure if I'm actually an AH or being reasonable ###### | NTA- if there’s alcohol, a kid shouldn’t be celebrating their birthday there. Your aunt should do something kid like for your cousins birthday. You and your grandmother are adults. I doubt that your cousin even wants to share the celebration anyways, it’s likely just your aunts doing. ###### |
At the time I was 18(F). I was doing a Media Make-Up and SFX course, and when I applied I was not aware there would be hairdressing aswell, I wasn’t interested.
I have Afro-carribean hair and was the only mixed-race person in the class. My teacher and the rest of the girls had straight hair. She wanted the girls to be blow-drying/straightening/rollering my hair, which I explained they can’t because my hairs DIFFERENT and it could ruin it (genuinely, as I use African natural products and I never ever use heat - It’s also super super curly?) and she said I had NO CHOICE but to participate, I was extremely upset. She tried to put a fckin brush through my DRY hair which hurt and I flipped out and left, I have to wash my hair wet & conditioned for obvious reasons. And I felt like despite her being a qualified hairdresser, she should either have some knowledge of my type of hair or not go near it at all. My other teachers & the girls then became super bitchy and telling me I’m “acting superior” which caused my anxiety to rocket, and I eventually left. AITA? ###### | Nta- if the teacher was worth a shit she would have used it as an opportunity to teach them how to work with your hair type not destroy it. Then to bully you instead of admitting she had no clue what she was doing. She sounds like a dangerous form of idiot. I'd file a complaint and demand my money back. Walking out was the most common sense thing that happened in this whole story. ###### |
Well this post isn't really about me but my sister wants to know if she's the asshole here
Me(15f) and my sister (22f) recently got a visit from one of our aunts who was about to have a child. She said that she needed a place to stay for a few days.
My sister told her that she couldn't because they don't have any room for her. In reality our aunt has a habit of trashing a house within a day and overstays her welcome.
The next day we find a post on Facebook saying how we're bad people who forced a pregnant lady to sleep in her car. My sister feels really bad about it is she the asshole ###### | NTA- if she was bad before, cue using her pregnancy as an excuse why she's awful when she's there. ###### |
I gave birth January 4th 2018 to the cutest (may be a little biased there) little girl.
My relationship with her father was low contact when we broke up (he wasnt ready to be a father...despite having a second child born in May 2018?)
He would visit every weekend, he didnt want custody and probably wouldn't get anything other than supervised anyway due to his history.
His partner started posting pictures that I sent to him with captions as though it was her baby which was strike 1, I asked him to stop it which led to this huge fight which I wont go into detail about.
Then come to August 2018 he just disappears from her life.
Last week he contacted me out of the blue asking for some pictures of our daughter.
I haven't sent him anything and haven't responded.
But the group I'm in say I'm an AH and should just send at least one picture, be the bigger person.
AITA? ###### | NTA- if he’s really interested in seeing his child he can arrange for visitation ###### |
It was around 1 PM in the afternoon. Wife accidentally called her male college friend when trying to hook her phone up to the charger. We started discussing the prospect of having an afternoon quickie, then I went to wash up quickly before coming back.
Twenty minutes later we finished and found that her friend had hung up the phone right when we were done. He was listening the entire time even during our discussion.
I called him and yelled at him for claiming to be such a devout and religious man then violating our privacy when the call clearly was an accident.
AITA? ###### | NTA- idk how you can call someone without realising but he was a total asshole and a creep when he didn’t stop listening. Someone said that you violated his privacy by calling back, but I feel like that’s made redundant because it was to cuss him out about *listening in on you two* ###### |
My roommate and I don't see eye to eye on many things. The only relevant issue here is that I'm a germaphobe and my roommate is the exact opposite.
I was cooking myself a meal on the stove for myself. My roommate came out and initiated conversation. I've lately been avoiding interacting with her because of her hygiene issue. (I've told her politely that her odor makes me nauseated; but she can't help it because of her mental health.) During the conversation she was picking at her nose, teeth, and scratching herself inside her pants. I ignored the hygiene issues during the conversation because I couldn't leave my food half cooked and didn't want her getting angry with me for addressing it.
​
After my food was finished, I excused myself to go switch laundry. (This takes me less than two minutes.) The food was off the burner and resting.
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I came back to find my roommate hunched over the food, prodding at it. When she realized I was back, she jumped and shoved it away from her. I asked her what she was doing and she became very defensive insisting she didn't want it to burn, and then that she "just wanted to touch it".
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I told her she can go ahead and eat it because I didn't want it anymore. She called me paranoid and an asshole. She's insisted multiple times that I'm acting like I'm better than her and that she would never do anything bad to my food. But I'm just grossed by the idea of her messing with my food at all, even if she didn't directly touch it. The food is sitting out there right now and no one is eating it.
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TLDR; I'm refusing to eat food my roommate allegedly wanted to help with. AITA? ###### | NTA- I’m not even a Germaphobe and find this gross, I wouldn’t eat it either ###### |
I've been living with my current roommate for about 5 years now, and she has a habit of leaving her shoes (sometimes several pairs) in the middle of the floor in the entryway, right in front of the door.
I've been tripping over these damn shoes for several years now, and about a year ago i was sick and tired of moving them by hand, so i started just kicking them out of the way instead. Several times i've told her to please put them to the side so they aren't in the way, but it's fallen on deaf ears every time.
One day we were out getting groceries together she saw me kicking her her shoes out of the way as we walked in with heavy bags in our hands, and she told me to stop kicking them. I responded with "No, why won't you just put them out of the way instead?".
A few days later, shoes still there, i got fed up. I put her shoes on top the closet, which is too high up for her to reach, just to prove a point. When she finally noticed she got furious and asked why i would do that, and if i did it just to prove a point. She called me an AH, we argued for a couple minutes, and it ended when she went out the door. It's never been brought up since.
Well, it actually worked. The shoes aren't in the way every single time anymore, but i've been wondering if i went about it the wrong way? Frankly, i felt like i was out of options.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA- I’d say 5 years is more than enough. ###### |
Guys, please tell me if I was too harsh with my roommate. I’m going to admit that I find her pretty annoying and slightly racist.
We live in an apartment building that caters to student housing. They rent by the bedroom, so I did not know my roommate before I moved in at the beginning of the semester ( she was there first and has had three other roommates)
Now, either she’s ignorant or racist but there are things that she does that bothers me. She constantly asks me questions about “black” things. Think, “Do black people really....” When she saw me make my dinner one time she said “wow black people really can cook!” And offered to pay me to cook for her. She calls me “boo”. She just seems like an alien that has never met a black person before.
The thing that annoys me most is that she is constantly asking me to teach her how to twerk and shake her ass, or to do it myself. I am actually a ballet dancer, and while I have nothing against ass shaking, it annoys me that it is all that I am boiled down to.
Before this whole lock down mess it was easy to avoid her. Now I’m stuck with her and she’s getting on my nerves.
Last night she busted into my room playing Ass by Big Sean on her phone. I was reading. She had a bit to drink and started asking me to dance with her and show her how to twerk. I told her no. And she begged me, saying “come on I want to learn!” I said “It’ll he hard to learn with no ass...” And she actually got super upset about that y’all! She started yelling about how she was trying to have fun with me, calling me stuck up, and *crying*.
She went to her room and left me alone for the rest of the night, this morning I said hello to her and she’s ignoring me. It seems like I really hurt her feelings. At the same time, maybe it taught her not to bother me. Idk, am I an asshole for saying she has no ass? ###### | NTA- I was all ready to asshole you up after reading the headline, but wow. Your room mate is a racist ass with no ass. Good for you for standing up for yourself. I’m sorry you have to live with such blatant ignorance, I hope you can move soon. ###### |
My mom knows I (17f) can’t stand the taste or smell of teriyaki sauce. I have told her this multiple times, because the smell/taste makes me sick to my stomach. I ask her for a heads up whenever she makes something with teriyaki sauce in it so I can grab something for myself to eat.
I went grocery shopping for my mom today, and when I come back, my mom tells me it’s time for dinner. I go into the kitchen, and the smell hits me. She made beef tips and then covered it in a whole ass layer of teriyaki. I got a bit upset with her and asked her why she didn’t tell me she was making dinner with teriyaki sauce, and she laughs and says that it was just a last minute thing. I told her that maybe she shouldn’t have done that last minute thing, because now I couldn’t go grab something to eat from a restaurant (it was around 7:30, most stores close around 8:00 now, and we live like thirty minutes out from the closest fast food place)
Mom called my brothers “Andy” (16m) and David (13m) into the room and told them that I was “being picky” and refusing to eat. They started giving me shit about it, and I told them if they really wanted me to eat it, they could clean up my puke later.
Apparently I ruined dinner by being picky about food covered in something that makes me sick, and my mom is acting like a 5 year old who got upset (huffing, sighing, refusing to talk, etc.) and Andy told me I should’ve sucked it up and ate it. To sum it up: i basically ruined the entire night for my family by not eating.
AITA for not eating food covered in teriyaki sauce?
EDIT: because I just realized people might be confused about why I can’t just make something in the kitchen: My mom doesn’t like people cooking after dinner’s been made, or even people being in the kitchen afterwords. ###### | NTA- I used to hate peas and I literally threw up when my mom kept forcing me to eat them. I feel your pain. Maybe your mom really forgot but instead of telling you to suck it up she should have been more apologetic. ###### |
Loaned niece $1000 for her wedding expenses a few years ago; my sister asked for the loan on her behalf because she was too proud/shy... but when I said yes niece thanked me profusely. Niece has never paid any of it back, but sister paid just over half of it for her until I said STOP because it's not her debt (my sister barely makes ends meet).
FFWD to now; no family get togethers lately due to COVID, so no bday gift (usually a card with around $100) for niece back in March. After recently dropping off a gift at sister's for another family member, niece tells her mother "Oh, well, Uncle didn't get me anything for my bday".
I admit that I still think about the money owed -not hurting for it, but just the principle of the thing and that I feel taken for granted ...miffed that not even an attempt has been made by her to pay ANY of it back. So I was thinking 'fuck it' and would skip her $ present this year (maybe she would subtly get why, perhaps?). I'm pretty annoyed that she would bring it up to her mother like that; she is 25 years old now! However, in the interest of not causing a rift with my sister (or possibly the rest of the family), I am debating giving her belated birthday $ at the next family function... thoughts? ###### | Nta- I suggest a birthday card with a note inside saying £50/£100 has been taken off her debt to you. That way you have both given her a gift and reminded her she owes you money ###### |
I came to live with my parents in Alaska when Universities told their students to go home and I just graduated. Even though I’m on social security, I still managed to save some money for an emergency. I had to leave all of my home goods in the lower 48 and I’m expected to pay for my vehicle and possessions to be driven here. But that’s not the issue.
My sister and her fiancé decided to move back home too because of some hard financial hits and coronavirus cutting her work hours. I asked if I could move in with her when the time comes because generally just want to get a different job and don’t want to live with my parents anymore. I told her I would help pay rent and that we would have strictly roommate relationship rules. She didn’t say anything at first, but a couple days later asked to borrow money from me for the entire deposit, I said yes and that’s when she informed me I wouldn’t be allowed to move with her.
So I’m wanting to know if I would be the asshole if I told her I changed my mind about loaning her the money? I already said I would, I know she’s in a financial situation and I’ll probably never see the money again, but what she did really just... yeah. ###### | NTA- I see people saying get it in writing, but it's still a legal hassle to get the money back if she refuses to repay you upfront. Don't give her anything, use the money for your own deposit. ###### |
Since the pandemic, I’ve been working from home. I am a Spanish tutor and tutor students by appointment through video chats. Today, I told my boyfriend that I had an appointment, which means to please be quiet and not interrupt me.
I’m in the middle of tutoring this student (she’s older, very well-mannered) and all of a sudden we hear my boyfriend scream “SHUT THE FUCK UP” at one of the dogs followed by “MOTHERFUCKER”. The client sat there mouth agape and then she quickly ended the call.
I texted my boyfriend saying something along the lines of “Can you not yell curse words while I’m on a call? What the fuck?” all the while trying to reconnect with the client. She did not pick up. I’m certain she’s reporting me to my boss, and I will likely get fired.
My boyfriend texted me an apology. I was so pissed and anxious I didn’t respond. Later he came in and said he was sorry again. I told him an apology was not sufficient at all. I’ve been at this job for almost five years, it’s a work-study job through the university which I get food stamps and they work with my nursing school schedule, and it’s the only way I can pay for my bills and medication. I’m also applying to a graduate program and was depending on the supervisor recommendation from my boss. Now that’s all out the window.
It is 100% his fault that I’m getting fired, and he makes more in a day than I do in a week. I can’t get a “normal” job because of my erratic nursing school schedule, and I’ll lose my food stamps and any other income.
WIBTA for demanding he compensate me for my lost job if I’m fired?
Edit: Just received word from my boss that I am suspended from working until further decisions are made. ###### | NTA- I read some of the comments, OP. Your boyfriend is a dog trainer that screams at dogs? That's highly concerning.
I'd make him pay since he made you lose the job. Or suspended according to your edit? What are chances you'll lose your job? Jw? ###### |
So my close friend (Q) & her bf (W) are getting engaged this weekend. They’ve been dating for 4 years but when they announced their intention to marry, Q’s family was completely against it & said some vile things to W, who is a lovely, wonderful guy. It hurt them both deeply, but they’ve decided to proceed anyways.
In the process of planning (& hiding) the engagement, but I’ve told off 2 people (both girls):
1. A, Q’s other friend who is working with me for deco. She said we should get guests to print their pictures with Q, write cute notes & scatter it around the tables. I thought it was a nice idea until I clarified with her if she meant the guests & THE COUPLE. She said either way was fine, but it was better if it’s just the guests & Q. I told her it wasn’t Q’s birthday, and unless Q’s marrying herself, shouldn’t we be celebrating the couple? She FINALLY got it after multiple times of me repeating it & agreed that we should plan it to surprise the couple.
2. B, another friend who blurted out the idea mentioned above in the group chat with W. When I told her it was meant to be a surprise for both Q & W, B said ‘oh it’s okay, engagements are for the girl anyway’. I was LIVID. B knew how Q’s family treated W & how W has been affected. & she’s just disregarding him? I told B the same thing I told A, & it took a while before she got it.
So yes, my bf said I was harsh but I wanted to know what you guys think. Should I have let them completely ignore W on his engagement day? ###### | NTA- I personally feel like a lot of people try to say it’s just for the girl, but that’s not true. Weddings are about two people coming together and literally merging everything. It’s a big deal for both parties. Regardless of how Q’s family treated W, it’s still his big day too. ###### |
Some background. My wife’s siblings are incredibly entitled along with her stepdad and sometimes her mother.
Sadly my pug (Otis) passes away last week. My wife and I are pretty torn up. He was an amazing dog who loved just about anyone, who’d give him food. Word soon got around to my In-Laws who at first felt sorry, but then after learning how he died (he had chronic heart problems) were saying we were stupid to trust modern medicine and if an animal is born weak it should die. The final stray was when me and my wife were in a zoom call with my SIL, and she said the following, I can’t believe you guys are hung up over your dumb dog. He was a dumb bitch who deserved to die. I. Saw. Red. I told her to shut the FUCK up and that she needs to stop being such a bitch all the time. It’s been a couple of days and my wife wants me to apologize for causing “drama” in the family. The way I see it is they’re the ones being inconsiderate assholes. So reddit, AITA ###### | NTA- I hope your SIL never wants to see you again so you can be rid of that insufferable woman.
I am very sorry for your loss, Otis was probably a great little guy. I’d love to see your favorite photo of him or maybe hear a story about him if you want to share some good memories. I have a 12 year old dog who is showing signs of brain cancer and I am genuinely afraid of what I would do to a person who said something like that about her. ###### |
(This happened a while ago, no big weddings during a pandemic for me, dw!)
I (24F) was the maid of honour at the wedding of my brother and his wife (my sister in law).
While we were planning the wedding, my SIL mentioned how overbearing her mom can be, and how she always feels bad asking her to stop being an attention hog. I told my SIL that on the wedding day, I'd take care of her, no matter what.
Sure enough, MIL pulls up to the wedding wearing a WHITE dress (something my SIL guessed she'd do). I saw her get out of her car and start walking towards the venue, so I pulled her aside before anyone could see her and brought her in through a side entrance.
I told her that it was inappropriate to wear white at someone else's wedding, and that if she wanted to attend, she'd have to change. I had my SIL give me some of MIL's nice dresses, so I had a few for her to chose from.
MIL flipped out on me. She told me I had no right to ask her to change and that I was being a pain in the ass on an emotional day. She started crying and went to look for her husband, so I updated SIL & she told me if MIL would rather miss her own daughter's wedding rather than just change her dress, she could miss it.
MIL ended up changing, but made a HUGE deal out of it and went home early during the reception because she "didn't feel welcome". She still maintains that I was out of line. I don't think I did anything wrong, but I do feel really shitty for potentially being the reason my SIL wasn't able to enjoy her wedding fully with her mother (even though SIL still had crazy amounts of fun). AITA? ###### | NTA- I can't believe the mom would try to take away her own daughter's spotlight. You did the right thing (especially since SIL previously mentioned how it bothered her) ###### |
Yeah I now it sounds weird. My daughter is 2 and currently her favorite thing to do is to strip all her clothes off, take off her diaper, and pee everywhere while laughing maniacally. Partly because she hates the wet diaper, and while we are working on potty training, she is not quite physically ready, despite being mentally ready. Anyways, I’ve started referring to her as “the goblin” whenever she does this, and my husband thinks it’s hilarious and now whenever she’s covered in pudding/peanut butter/ takes off her diaper and pees while laughing maniacally, he also refers to her as “the goblin.” Usually it’s “the goblin needs a bath.” That kind of thing. Anyways, some of friends think it’s mean to call our daughter a goblin. Are we the assholes here? ###### | NTA- I call my sister an evil demon because of her very weird but still adorable laugh. Also because she can be evil. Kids are weird. Your kid just happens to act like a goblin. Hence the name goblin. ###### |
Before everyone judges me as an asshole, let me give a little backstory.
My brother in law got me a pair of really awesome boots 3 Christmases ago. I loved them. However, he got me the wrong size. I literally could not fit my foot into them. I asked my husband to ask my brother in law if he could exchange the shoes for the right size...and it just never happened. This pair of shoes has been sitting in my garage for over 3 years now because my brother in law has said he just doesn't have the time or the receipt anymore to get the right size.
So, today, I sold them. Money has been really tight with both my husband and I laid off and not receiving unemployment/stimulus yet. I made a pretty profit too because they are high end shoes that have literally never been worn.
My husband is really angry at me for. Called me ungrateful and that I should be "ashamed of myself" for selling them. Even though now we will be able to pay the light bill and get a few groceries after selling these shoes.
So AITA? I do understand where my husband is coming from - they were a gift, even though I've never been able to wear the shoes. My own BIL told him to chill out when he called BIL up to tell him how "ungrateful" I am. I just didn't see a reason to keep a pair of shoes around that I am never going to wear. :/ ###### | NTA- how is it better to leave them sitting in a closet to literally never be worn because they are the wrong size and you never got the exchange you asked for?? ###### |
I know this sounds bad. I feel bad about it but I don't think I should pay them more.
Here's why:
- I was never on the lease
- I didn't pay any bond
- I was sub renting
- I gave them 10 workdays notice, then paid for another 2,5 weeks to make it a month.
- I communicated everything with them that they need to find another person
- I made all the ads and pictures of the pace
- I made a letter to the landlord stating due to xyz I cannot be in this country anymore and if the rent could be lowered.
I was in this place for 3 months. All went fine but then hell broke loose. I had to get back home since my family needed me.
When my roommates (24 f & m) heard this, they pushed me to get on the lease.
Furthermore they were understanding, helping me by just talking and I made ads to find someone new. I had several people coming by the place but they didn't get my room since they wanted someone long term (year+) and between 20-30.
I had to catch a plane and put most of my stuff into storage.
They couldn't find anyone after 2 weeks and they asked me to transfer rent. I told them I need to pay for 2 places now so I'll only do 2 weeks for you guys to find someone new. They were grateful.
2 weeks later they explode and expect me to keep on paying since they haven't found someone new. It would be my responsibility and they are calling me names now saying they might have to move now etc.
I feel horrible for them but to be fair why would I pay for a place I haven't lived in for 3 weeks and I don't have any responsibility for?
One side I'm like maybe I should help them out even more. But I'm out of a job and stuff is bad in my hometown now too.
I need the money myself. ###### | NTA- honestly this is a risk your roommates opened themselves up to when they let you move in without putting you on the lease. It sounds like you gave them plenty of warning and even worked to help them find a new roommate. Honestly, it's not hard to find a sublease, and it's not up to you to find one since you don't live in that space anymore. ###### |
So, basically, for the past month, I've been planning a cross country move back to my college town. I had some plans to stay with friends, and get there on July first so I can move in.
When I told my mom I was moving out, she was somewhat upset with me with how sudden it was, and was upset I didn't give her enough time to make plans for her to take time off work so she could come with me.
So I decided to post pone my move in date to a later date - about a week off. But this also means not staying with some of my friends along the way, and means me sitting around for another week extra while I wait.
I'm considering telling her tomorrow that it might be better if I go earlier and by myself so I can stick to my original plan. I know this is probably going to upset her and she won't like it....but would I really be the asshole? ###### | NTA- honestly just go. It can be really hard for parents to let go. ###### |
This is a short story, I live in England, born and raised, a friend of mine who I've known for years since we were in primary school once asked me if he could use my debit card to buy the DLCs for Grand Theft Auto IV on his XBOX 360, I agreed for him to do it He then returned my card to me and said he would pay be back. e didn't. He left my card details on his xbox for a couple of months making unauthorised purchases, to the point when my bank statement came in and it showed tonnes of money being poured out from my account, I then confronted him showing him the bank statements, I then went on his XBOX and I found my card details still there. I was pissed off at him for doing this as in REALLY PISSED I then removed my card, I then called up Microsoft asking them to refund my money and they kindly did, I then cutoff contact with him and never saw him again.
Last I heard of him was when I tried to contact me i then blocked him. Haven't heard of him in ages.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA- he’s a little thief. ###### |
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