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I'm one of 6 product managers at a 300 person Silicon Valley tech company, and am the only one on the team with an engineering education (masters and undergrad in CEng). The others have degrees in business or the humanities.
Everyone in my office is currently working remotely. I was one of the last people to log into the morning stand-up video call today and for the first time since the remote work policy was put in effect, I was taking the call from my desk. (Usually I do my meetings from the kitchen where I can spread my work out at the much larger dining table).
My desk is tiny and crammed into my condo's little "den". Displayed directly behind me and right over my shoulder are my 2 engineering degrees and a few other framed design awards and certificates. I don't want to show a screenshot of the wall for privacy reasons, [but here's a diagram I painted of what they would have seen on their screens](https://i.imgur.com/O8OVfLv.png).
After saying our good mornings, one of my PM coworkers loudly said "WoOoOoOoOh, *somebody* is trying to show off all their big fancy credentials". Everybody chuckled, so I just laughed along with them and continued with the meeting. Later on though after I had made some input to the ongoing discussion topic, he said again "good point there from the man with *all the fancy degrees to show us*".
I want to believe this was a joke, but I'm nervously second guessing myself now and I feel like I might have come off as a pompous ass? Does having them all displayed directly behind me genuinely make me look like a showoff? That's totally not what I was going for. I mean, I didn't bring them to the my office for that reason. Tbh, I didn't even register that they were there.
I don't want to show them off again if it makes me look like a braggart, but I don't want to take them down if I don't need to because I'll look like I fell to peer pressure. I'll probably just end up using the kitchen table from now on.
Thoughts? ###### | NTA, it's not uncommon to have degrees in your office or working area, but more importantly this diagram is taking me out ###### |
I was supposed to go on a trip with my best friend next year, just the two of us and we'd both been saving for it. I have a credit card that rewards me airmiles and I've been using it exclusively for the past year to get a free ticket and airmiles.
We now get to travel for the price of 1 ticket instead of 2 and we get to go business class so we've saved about £1,000 each. He's suddenly decided to invite his GF, knowing full well then we don't get along. This was annoying enough and made me not want to go on the trip but now he's expecting me to use my free ticket and airmiles to make it cheaper for her as well.
I don't like her in the slightest and want to go o a trip with my best friend. As that's not happening I told him I'm not going to use my airmiles for him and her and will travel solo if she's coming. She's an awful person and being in the same car as her is bad enough, let alone a 12+ hour flight and then 10 days on holiday.
Now he's calling me an asshole because I'm making him choose between a cheap trip together, or her. ###### | NTA, it's not cool to change your plans last minute, without talking about it first, especially with something that big... ###### |
My husband and I are relatively well off and bought a house a few months ago. We decided to rent out our second room to help pay off school debt. We rented it for a few months and our tenant asked to move out and buying his own house. We're sad to see him go but it is a better situation for him.
My parents are very well off. But my dad works in events has been furloughed to part time and they are bored. When I told my parents we were going to start looking for another roomate they (I know this is extra) asked to rent the room out from us so they wouldn't have to find a hotel when they visit. I guess one of their friends is doing this with their kids. They could actually probably save money on hotels. Since we live in a big city, and my dad and I love doing home projects they will not get bored and I get to see them more. They said they would ask first before they visit (which they will they are very polite) We both have great relationships with both our parents and everyone gets along. My husband loves the idea of basically getting our house to ourselves again and not getting a full time roomate.
My husband was talking to his parents today and basically offered the room to them when they visit. I basically told him we cannot do that on the account of
1. My parents are going to furnish the room and I don't know if they want other people in their bed
2. It's now my parents rental and therefore their space that they pay for and we should treat it as if they own it
3. I do not feel comfortable asking my parents to let other people stay, or asking my in-laws to ask my parents permission. I feel like they have to offer it to us. I wouldn't expect that of a roommate either so why would I expect that of my parents.
I love my in laws and I love to have them visit but I do not want to take my parents for granted. ###### | NTA, it's not a spare room anymore. ###### |
My fiancé (32M) has guardianship of his 13 year old sister. When we get married, we plan for me to have guardianship of her as well. I live with them and parent her for all intents and purposes. I check homework, take her to school (or right now, make sure she’s doing online schooling), make the two of them meals, do her laundry, talk to her about things, etc. Her mom died when she was little and she has said I’m like a mother figure to her.
Recently, we were talking about makeup and such. She brought it up. She asked me if she could get makeup. I didn’t see a big deal in it and got her some neutral lip glosses, lipsticks and mascaras. It was nothing wild and all went with her skin tones. I taught her how to apply it and she seemed to be happy with it.
My fiancé, however, is not happy. He says this wasn’t my choice to make and I should’ve asked him first. I’ve bought stuff for her in the past without asking him and it’s never been an issue. He’s had me deal with “girl stuff” when it comes to her, such as taking her bra and regular clothes shopping, dealing with her first period, etc. I didn’t think makeup would be any different. He says that he can’t tell her to not wear it now,because I already gave it to her. I said it was just lip gloss and some mascara and he was still upset. He said “he’s her guardian, it’s up to her”. To me, I’m more than just the fiancé.
Am I in the wrong here? ###### | NTA, it's normal for teenagers to want to play with makeup. I'm really not sure why your fiance has such an issue with it. ###### |
I have a pair of leopard print vans I don’t wear much but they are new, I let my mum wear them because it matches with her cougar style lol but today it’s her birthday and I spotted her wearing my vans without socks I asked her to put socks on because they were my shoes and I didn’t want them to smell, now she is yelling at me and super annoyed, threatening to kick me out, saying I’m ruining her birthday and she gives everything to us and that I’m selfish. I’m shocked but also kinda feel bad now because it’s her birthday but who wants smelly shoes? ###### | NTA, it's just good hygiene to wear socks when borrowing shoes. I honestly don't know how people can comfortably wear sneakers without socks, anyway. ###### |
Our dog had to have surgery to remove some cysts. She has incisions on her belly and at the base of her tail which required stitches and staples. The vet gave us a cone to keep on her so that she will not chew on her stitches and staples. He said even licking them may cause infection so encouraged us to keep the cone on as much as possible. He did say we can take it off of her when we are in the room with her and can watch her but said the more we keep it on the more she will get used to it.
The dog hates the cone and when we first got her home she tried to pull it off and then refused to lay down, just stood by her bed for 20 minutes looking pissed off. My wife felt really sorry for her so took it off and said she would watch her, I want to keep it on as much as possible. I put it on her and go on about my day and every time I come back my wife has taken it off because she feels bad.
Day 3, I come down from my office (working from home), my wife is in the shower, the dog is coneless and bleeding from pulling out some stiches. I lost it, yelled at my wife for being irresponsible and not doing the dog any favors. I told her she was being the exact opposite of loving and kind to the dog. Sometimes being tough is the kind thing to do. I really went off. My wife was crying that she didn't do it on purpose, she was just taking a quick shower, she thought it would be OK. I am really pissed off. The dog is back at the vets under anesthesia getting stitched up. More money & putting the dog under more stress.
Am I the asshole for making the wife feel like shit? ###### | NTA, it's infuriating when owners can't be bothered to follow post-op care instructions.
And goddamn I can't STAND when people pull the excuse of, "Ok I know I did exactly what everyone told me I must absolutely NOT do, but in my defense, I thought I could just get away with doing it anyway." ###### |
Last summer, I signed a one-year lease on a three-bedroom apartment along with two of my friends. All was well for two weeks until one of these friends accepted a job offer in another city and wanted out of the lease.
Myself and the other friend managed to find another temporary roommate for 8 months but this temporary roommate is now returning home. The friend who bailed on us, whose name is still on the lease (but whose rent was essentially being covered by the temporary roommate) is now claiming he is unable to pay his share of the rent and wants us to pay for him until the lease is up. He has not spoken to me directly but has been pleading with the other friend to a great extent and just tonight, this other friend called me a “bitch” for not having empathy for this guy who bailed. She feels that her and I should indeed cover his rent until the lease is up.
We are looking for another roommate to circumvent this problem but, in the meantime, AITA for taking the stance that neither of us is responsible for his share of the rent? ###### | NTA, it's his problem to find a way to cover HIS part of the rent.
(Also, by your roomates logic, she should be totallt cool with you moving out as well and then pay the entire rent of the apartment herself.) ###### |
I live in a house with 4 other guys. Most of us prefer a temperature of around 70-72 degrees. I myself like it to be 68 which isn't that far lower.
We have one roommate however who like it in the low-mid 80's. When we moved in we fought over the temperature. We decided to have a discussion and we agreed that we would set the thermostat (it's a smart ecobee thermostat) to a range of 72-74. But we made the rule if other roommates were gone for the day, working or spending the night with a girlfriend, that as long as the others in the house agree, it could be changed until the one person gone comes back, and then they need to set it back to the range (it's a simple tap on the screen, takes no more than a second)
As I said, i like it cooler, and am currently furloughed from work because of everything going on. So I ask if it's ok to turn the temp down during the day when the individual who likes it warmer is gone at work.
However, when he get's home, he gets upset that it's so cold even though we agreed that we can change it if the other roommates agree.
Well it came to a head today, when he got home early in the morning because he stayed with his girlfriend, he got home and it was 68 degrees. Instead of turning it back to the agreed upon range, he changes the settings so it wasn't a range and set it so we couldn't turn it below 73 without changing the settings again. (it's a smart thermostat, you can do that)
I bought this thermostat myself because no one wanted to spend more money. So, when I saw that he did this, I decided to lock it.
Now the settings can no longer be changed, only the temperature can.
TLDR:
Roomate changes temp to warmer than agreed upon temp and sets the settings up so we can't change it back lower. So I locked the thermostat (I also paid for the thermostat myself)
Am I the asshole for putting a passcode on the thermostat? ###### | NTA, it's easier to put on warmer clothing. ###### |
My SO has two kids and I’ve been with him for 3 years. Recently moved in with him back in January. Before I moved in I had a lot more time to myself and got really into an online game that has a commitment to be online and play with a group of people 2 days a week. My real life friends play this game, which is how we spend time together these days.
My SO hates that I game. Sometimes he is chill with it, but times like yesterday where I played an extra hour Monday night when he was going to bed (he sleeps at 8 PM) or if he’s just in a bad mood he starts making comments about how I’m “cracked out on games” or that games are obviously more important than him and nothing gets done around the house unless he does it (he was upset his kids made messes around the house), or that I put a group of random dudes over him. He also said that he might as well go out to a bar and hang out with a bunch of chicks because it’s the same thing.
I pretty much refuse to stop gaming at this point as this is my major point of contact with my friends (we live far away and we have shelter in place). I’ve cut down time significantly already to 2-3 hours in the evening 2 days a week. Everything else I do with him 100% - I have no other hobbies outside of this relationship. I also pay 3/4 of the rent, work full time (although I work from home and he has to physically work 12 hrs a day), cook every night and do some of the cleaning, although most of the cleaning is admittedly on him (laundry/mopping/dishes). I help his older kid with homework every day he is here and have been the primary driver of making sure his kids are behaving, going to bed on time, etc.
I feel like I have a right to have some “me time” a couple hours a night for a couple days a week. So AITA for refusing to give up gaming? ###### | NTA, it's cool to have a hobby. I dunno what he expects you to do. Not have any? He's probably just insecure, but I bet he watches shows or hangs on his phone in the spare time, so what's the problem? ###### |
Some background: I'm a trans guy. Deadname means the name I do not use anymore.
About a month ago my friend made an Instagram post about how much she misses everyone and dedicated a little section in the comments for specific friends saying what she missed about them.
In my section she puts my deadname in parentheses next to my preferred one. She obviously did not have to do this and her reason behind it was she had a friend with the same name as me so she had to specify. I tried to tell her she could've put my last initial instead.
She has lots of friends/followers who could've seen the post and that makes me very uncomfortable. I don't want people knowing my deadname at all.
She kept telling me no one cares and that most of her friends that saw it were LGBT+ which still does not make it right. ###### | NTA, it's called a deadname for a reason, it doesn't matter if most of her friends are LGBT+, queer folk can still be transphobic. Not to mention it's blatantly disrespectful and transphobic to use someone's deadname, as it invalidates their identity. ###### |
I enjoy singing but I am VERY bad at it admittedly. I have no pitch or tone but I like to sing alone in my room usually to songs or I’ll even do karaoke by myself I know I’m bad but I like doing it, it’s fun and a stress reliever. I moved in with an roommate a couple months ago and he hates my singing (I don’t blame him) but I was singing in my room a few weeks after moving in and he had asked me to stop and not to do it when he’s home, I said sure it seemed like a reasonable request although I don’t sing that loud. Well the other day I thought my roommate was out and was singing some karaoke in my room and didn’t think he’d be home for a couple of hours. He ended up coming back early with a couple of friends and they heard me singing (I’d didn’t hear them come in as I had headphones in). Well he actually sent them home and BLEW up on me saying that I embarrassed him with my terrible singing and that no one should be singing like that unless they’re a professional. he also doesn’t want me singing at all in the apartment. I apologized and said I didn’t know that they would be home but he’s still mad at me. But I don’t really feel like TA here. What do you guys think AITA? ###### | NTA, it's a form of expression and freedom. It brings you happiness and stress relief. You are in your own home, and deserve to have all of that. You already compromised to not do it when he is home, and if he comes home early and hears it, he should give you respect and let you know.
It takes two seconds to send a message and let you know, that way you are respecting his request, and keeping the peace.
Dude needs to learn how to live with other people before he blows up on you. ###### |
My family owns a successful property development firm. I reluctantly took a position with them because my father wants to take a less active role and my younger brothers aren't ready. While I work with my brothers and fathers, everyone is treated equally and it is very harmonious.
Lately, my SIL has been bouncing ideas off us and showing up to "help out" I'm not okay with either of that. I sarcastically asked my brother if she was looking for a job and he said she wasn't because she was happy being a SAHM. I told him that was good because no one's spouse is going to work here. That will bring too much drama. Then I told him she needs to stop hanging out like she has nothing better to do as he's no different than any other employee.
Not only does she float around but she's helping him his admin work even though we already have paid people to do that and now she's questioning business moves or offering her own. This has gone beyond a spouse showing up to go out to lunch but my brother disagrees.
I finally emailed her on my own and told her that this wasn't her business, she knows nothing about it and her ideas and showing up to help my brother was not wanted. This wasn't a family-issue. This was a business issue. I told her she's his wife, but in no way a member, stakeholder or employee.
Of course she cried to my brother that I "attacked" her when she was trying to be helpful and he has heat with me. ###### | NTA, it's a business to be run by the owners . She is not an owner. This would be no different if your brother worked in a bank and she kept going in to offer them financial advice. You guys, as part of the business, need to hold a meeting and set distinct parameters about spousal involvement, what is permitted and what isn't. There needs to be consequences in place for infractions. Set up a rule like no spouses in the office, meet outside the building or go for lunch. Or no spouses past the lobby. Something specific and some kind of deterrent to prevent her from overstepping her boundaries and your brother for allowing it. I understand he might be getting an earful at home, but that's on him. ###### |
I'm the middle of three. I have a younger sister (25) and an older brother (30). I'm 27. My parents, over the years, saved up 30k to be split between my sister and I for when we eventually got married, which would be 15k each.
My sister got engaged before me, and they planned their wedding for April 2020. As you can imagine, this couldn't happen. They'd picked an all inclusive venue and spent the entire 15k. Unfortunately, their venue has been horrible, denied any refund. Wedding insurance doesn't cover pandemics and they're now going under anyway. The 15k is just...gone.
My sister now wants to elope, which my parents and other family are absolutely horrified by. She and her fiance say they can't afford to pay for a wedding themselves because of their job situations. The only thing she has from the first wedding that she could take to a second is her wedding dress, which would still need to be altered.
The women in the family have been crying about it in every conversation I've had with them and begging my sister to not elope, they'll figure it out. My parents now want to take the other 15k and give my sister another wedding, obviously at a different venue.
It ended up being a huge fight of accusing me of blaming my sister for causing the pandemic, wanting her to elope and not get "her wedding" because I'm jealous, and why save it when I'm still single and will be for years now anyway. I'm 27! I'm not an old maid. I'm not jealous of my sister, I was happy for her before all this, but it would have been nice to know that when I got married, my parents could help me out too. I'm not saying it's her fault that the first one didn't happen, but factually she would be getting two weddings paid for and I'll be getting zero.
It's probably happening regardless of what I say, but am I wrong to be a little angry about it? ###### | NTA, it was appropriate to state your position, but I hope you didn't do it in an angry way or it just makes you look bad.
If your sister has any class she'll just elope and let all the women in the family be upset. Your sister knows she spent her share, and apparently is aware that anything more would come out of your hide. You might have better luck lobbying your sister than your mother.
Covid cost me a fully paid cruise package for 3, I had trip insurance but the pandemic wasn't covered. It bothered me for weeks but I've decided to just let it go. It's nobody's fault. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. ###### |
My parents are divorced. They've really been fighting a lot, and they fight a lot about material possessions.
Try and one up each other getting me things, but also try to force me to leave them behind when I go to the other's houses, like they want their houses to be the best ones with the best things. Argue if I come home from the others house with things dirty or misplaced accusing the other of purposely stealing or destroying things.
It's ridiculous and it seems like a power play between them. And I'm sick of fighting over THINGS. Damn pieces of plastic or metal or whatever should not have this power over us.
So I told both my parents that THINGS that they fight about don't bring me happiness, they bring me sadness. And if there's any fighting or petty anger about a thing, I'm gonna give it away or throw it away because I'm sick of my life being ruled by stuff.
I won't take gifts anymore because they always come with terms and drama
And I have been doing it. I've gotten rid of most of what I own because of this pettiness. I really just have the bare minimum at each house. Both my parents had banned me from giving or throwing anything else away so now I've just picked a closet in each house that things go into, and once they're in they don't come out. If my parents try and take them out I put them back.
It's made me happier. No more fights about which parent "stole" a thing when that thing is gone. I don't have to remember as much about what I can take from house to house and what has to stay at one house so I won't start a fight
But both my parents are resentful of me for my switch in attitude. My mom is mad that I don't do some of my hobbies anymore and my dad is mad that I gave away things that he paid for.
AITA for giving up as many possessions as I can? ###### | NTA, it sounds more like your parents are trying to use you as a pawn to keep hurting each other instead of being mature adults about their divorce. The way you are going about it wont work though you may have to try to sit them down together and try to get through to them.
If all else fails pull the parental alienation card and say its emotionally abusive. But this is only for extreme situations ###### |
I have a pretty old but reliable Lenovo laptop that is worth 300$,maybe less.(I got the laptop as a birthday gift from a family friend)
My father decided to build a new computer for the family to use,which he spent 1250$ on,a computer that is used 99% by my brother,because he plays Fortnite and Roblox and he doesnt want to play those games on his phone.
Today,my mother had some work to do on the PC and my brother was angry that he couldn't stream idk what game.(that he also had on his phone ).
He of course started whining and mom told me to get off my laptop to let him do what he wanted to.
I of course refused. He smashed my laptop's screen to its keyboard multiple times. My mother also did that when I was playing and she almost broke my fingers since they got cought betwwen the screen and the keyboard.
She called me an ungrateful brat and took away my laptop.
So,Reddit,am I the asshole? ###### | NTA, it sounds like your mother doesn’t want to parent your brother and deal with his anger issues and potential gaming addiction (based on his reaction to not being able to game for a while). ###### |
Me (19f) and my sister (21f) haven’t gotten along since we were very young, as when she turned 11 she developed an anxiety disorder and couldn’t go to school. She refused to talk to anyone much less me. She got a therapist and started going back to school, but became rude, spoiled and downright abusive at times to my parents due to them not disciplining har as they were afraid this would trigger her anxiety. This means she is extremely messy, insists on eating in her room and not taking her plates down until they get mouldy, and would occasionally throw objects at people if she got angry.
I also have issues with her as she refused to let me see a therapist (even if they were completely different to hers) until she stopped seeing her therapist. This happened when I was around 16 when I was almost immediately diagnosed with clinical depression, and had to be hospitalised at one point. I have no way of knowing if seeing a therapist earlier would have stopped this, however I had known that mentally something was wrong before this, and it has caused feelings of resentment.
Now both me and my sister are going to College and my family want us to share an apartment that they would be willing to pay for. I refused and said that I would pay for my own apartment. My sister started calling me a selfish AH because of this, and my parents didn’t back me up.
AITA? ###### | NTA, it sounds like your family is focused on your sister at your expense and its damaged your health and happiness. Maybe someday you can reconcile with your sister, but living together right now seems like one of the worst possible ideas. If you can afford it, get your own place and take the time and space you need to be happy. ###### |
Six months ago my now boyfriend broke up with his ex and immediately started dating me. We moved in together and really started going hard in our relationship. Throughout these past six months he has been in contact with his ex. He says it’s to make sure she’s okay and not in a horrible mindset after their breakup. He talks to her about once a week and I have tried to tell him it’s not letting her heal or get over their breakup. She has asked him multiple times if he’s currently dating anyone and he tells her no. (Trying to not hurt her feelings or self esteem.) She recently found out about me (via social media) and that we were dating and lost it. I’ve now been asked not to post anything as to keep her from being even more upset. I feel as if her emotions are being prioritized over mine? AITA for still wanting to post pictures of MY life on my social media platforms? AITA for not feeling comfortable in this situation? ###### | NTA, it sounds like he isn't completely over his ex.
Why did you move in with this guy so early if he is still in that kind of contact with his ex, against your wishes? ###### |
Ok so during Quarantine, I (15M) get on a Discord call with a few ok my friends every night for about an hour or two.
Last night my Mom asked my to help her find her phone. So I muted myself and went to help her find it. Around 5 minutes of looking in a different room, my Mom had put ok my headphones and listened to the call.
She had made up the missing phone just so she could listen to the call. I was angry and shutdown my PC immediately and angrily, but not yelling, to give me my headphones.
She started yelling about how she was my Mother and was entitled to listen to my conversations. So this one Subreddit who likes to judge people AITA? ###### | NTA, it sounds like an invasion of privacy to me. ###### |
My(F25) boyfriend (M33) and I have been together for about two months. Prior to that though, we had been together for 3 years, broke up, and got back together after a year.
We live across the county from our family. Last year, him and I actually moved here together. After a month of living together we broke up, he went home back across the country... and I stayed here. We were still exes when he decided to move back here after 7ish months, he got a job and moved back. I urged him not to, but he did anyway.
So shortly after he moved back we started hanging out and are back in a relationship. I’m still living in the place that me and him initially moved into... it’s a great house, albeit, further away from work. He lives 20 minutes away and has for the winter. Just like almost everyone in our area, he’s lost his job. I am very grateful to still have one.
His lease is up this coming month, and a couple months ago we talked about him possibly moving back with me. After a couple weeks of thinking about it, I absolutely panicked. I value my alone time in my space and I freaked out at the idea of a SO living with me sooner than later. I let him know with adequate time for him how I felt and my decision. He was very sad. Sad at me, I felt like. Sad at my decision.
He has still not looked for a place to live, and he only has a couple more weeks at the place he lives at now. I guess we have different outlooks on this because I would have probably started looking for housing a month ago.
I don’t know if he’s relying on me to change my mind, or what is going on.
I can’t lie I feel like a total piece of shit, please tell me if I’m an asshole or not. ###### | NTA, it seems wise. Your history with him is very rocky. It seems he has a history of cutting and running when there's a difficulty, and I bet that is what happens in two weeks when he has to leave his current place. ###### |
There's this candle company that makes candles based on different locations and the majority of them are jokes. The one for Ohio is unscented and says something to the effect of the state being boring and uninteresting. I decided to share it with my family, especially my sister, S, because she lives there. When S saw it she immediately went into a long paragraph about how Ohio was a great state and how the meme was offensive to her and her girlfriend's family. I tried to laugh it off and say it was just a joke and that she shouldn't take it so personally, but then she quotes Until Dawn at me: "It was just a prank, Han." Like seriously? Over a candle? I told her to stop being so melodramatic and get over herself. She comes at me with how she found it offensive and I should apologize. I didn't even make the candle and people make fun of other states all the time. I don't think I should have to apologize for this, but idk. AITA? ###### | NTA, it is just a joke your sister is overreacting ###### |
To start with, both my parents and grandparents are now dead. But while my grandma was alive, she told me she wanted me and my brother to have our mums share of their house when she went. Her reasoning being, her other children, my aunts and uncle, would all be giving their children, my cousins money from the house, and as our mum wasn't alive, we wouldn't benefit as much as the others.
She also saw me more as a daughter than a granddaughter as my parents were pretty useless, and she raised us more as her own children. We are also at least 20 years older than the other cousins, so are much nearer in age my aunts and uncle rather than our cousins.
I then found out, that my aunt D, had persuaded my grandma to change her will so we didn't get anything from her, as in her words, we had already had our inheritance from our parents, (£30'000 from my mums pension, nothing from my dad) so we didn't deserve any more than that. My mum had been given £120'000 from an ex husband a little while before she died, but she spent it all on heroin, so we didn't see any of that.
So am I being the arsehole and being greedy for just wanting the money my grandma wanted me to have? Or am I in the right? I feel very betrayed by them, and can't seem to get over it. ###### | NTA, it doesn't sound like being greedy, your grandma wanted you to have this money. The fact that aunt pressured her to chwnge her decision is dodgy af. I'd seek legal advice maybe on r/legaladvice im not sure if it would help but this aunt sounds like shes being greedy. ###### |
So I wake up on my birthday. The doorbell rings and my husband walks in the bedroom and screams "YOU can get up and answer that, it's YOUR friend, I'm not dealing with that shit." The neighbor came over to drop her son (7) off to play with our kids. I literally just woke up. I'm the type that needs some coffee in me and my brain is fuzzy and can't focus on anything until my brain "turns on". We just moved here and getting to know some neighbors. I know this person just as much as he does. He says he doesn't like her because she is annoying and obnoxious. I don't care because her kids and my kids like eachother and play and are good to eachother. Also, he does this shit all the time. He gets pissy when anyone stops by. He gets pissed off at random people at stores. He gets pissed when people on the phone aren't saying what he wants to hear and hangs up. He is short tempered. I always have to deal with everything and everyone because he doesn't like dealing with other people. Unless they're getting stoned with him. So back to the beginning. I'm waking up and getting yelled at by my husband to answer the door. On my birthday. And I'm pissed. Cuz I can't even wake up and start a good day now cuz he's being a complete dick cuz of this. AITA for getting "emotional and upset" for him waking me up because he wants to be a selfish dick and can't give me ONE fucking day out of the year? ###### | NTA, it does not matter if it is your birthday or not, your husband should never scream at you to get the door. Repeat your husband should never scream at you to get the door. That is abusive behavior. Put a stop to it right now.
Your husband getting pissy when anyone stops over sounds like he is trying to isolate you. That is not good. He does not have to socialize with the people who stopover.
Your husband should be able to deal with the neighbor who dropped off her kid. He can cut the conversation short by thanking her for bringing her kid over and then saying he was in the middle of doing something.
Your husband sounds like an authoritarian. ,It always has to be his way. He needs to learn that he is not the ruler of his own little world. He needs to learn that things will not get resolved his way all of the time. He needs to learn give and take.
Your husband does not have a short temper, he has anger management issues. He needs to learn how to act like an adult. ###### |
My sibling has a small dog that they want to register an an emotional support animal (ESA) by using this website that states it is a legitimate site for registering your pet as an ESA. I had made a comment saying that if they wanted to do that, they needed to do it properly and get approval from a therapist as most websites like that are total scams and just end up with people printing off a piece of paper to ‘certify’ they have an ESA.
They got upset and continued to argue it was a legitimate website. I then asked why they wanted the certification as I hadn’t known they were struggling with any mental health issues (I was genuinely curious). Here’s where I got mad. They said they only want the dog certified so it can fly on planes without being in a cage!!!
As someone who has a mental illness and is in therapy for it and struggles everyday, I found that offensive in a way. They were abusing a system created to help those with legit illnesses just so their dog could fly in their lap. I told them that wasn’t a smart idea and it took away from legitimate ESAs and just perpetuated the problem of falsified ESAs and service dogs. They got upset and said it was fine because everyone else does it and they don’t want the dog to be in a carrier for hours on a flight. I continued to explain why that wasn’t smart and was bad for the people who really need these type of certifications. My parent stepped in and agreed with my sibling as well saying that they weren’t directly harming anyone. I just left the conversation and it hasn’t been brought up since but I know they still plan on doing that anyways.
AITA here? ###### | NTA, it absolutely does harm to those who actually need ESAs and it's also just a bad idea to fly with an animal in general unless it's necessary.
You might convince her otherwise by mentioning it's a crime in many states to fake service animal credentials (sorry for the long post)
ARIZONA. House Bill 2588 introduced in 2018 states those who "fraudulently misrepresent" service animals can be fined $250.
CALIFORNIA. Penal Code 365.7 introduced back in 1995. Those pretending to be an owner of a service dog is a criminal misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $1,000 and/or up to six months’ imprisonment.
COLORADO. House Bill 16-1426 passed in 2017 states it is a class 2 petty offense to intentionally misrepresent an animal as a service animal in the state. Violators of this new law will be hit with a fine of $25 for their first offense, $50-100 for a second offense and $100-500 for a third or subsequent offense.
FLORIDA. CS/SB 414 This law passed in 2015 classifies misrepresenting a dog as a service animal as a second-degree misdemeanor. Those who are caught breaking the law face a $500 fine and up to 60 days in jail.
IOWA. Senate File 2365 Passed this year in 2018, an offender can face 30 days in jail, a fine, or possibly both.
IDAHO. § 18-5811A Since 1997 in Idaho, any person, not being a disabled person or being trained to assist disabled persons, who use an assistance device or assistance dog to gain treatment or benefits as a disabled person, is guilty of a misdemeanor. (No specific punitive measures stipulated e.g. fine or imprisonment)
KANSAS. K 39-1112 Introduced in 2015, this is a class A Misdemeanor: No fines or penalties specifically indicated.
MAINE. 17 M. R. S. A. § 1314-A Passed in 2015, any person who commits a civil violation for which a fine of not more than $1000 may be adjudged for each occurrence.
MICHIGAN. MCL 752.61 - 63 Passed in 2016 a violation is a misdemeanor punishable by 1 or more of the following: imprisonment for not more than 90 days, a fine of not more than $500.00, community service for not more than 30 days
MISSOURI. V. A. M. S. 209.204 Introduced in 2017 any person found in breach of this law is guilty of a class C misdemeanor and shall also be civilly liable for the amount of any actual damages resulting from such impersonation. Any second or subsequent violation of this section is a class B misdemeanor.
MINNESOTA. HF3157*/SF2646/CH106 This year in 2018 an offender will be subject to a $100 fine 1st offense, and a misdemeanor charge for a 2nd offense which can include $1000 fine and/or 90 days in prison.
NEBRASKA. Neb. Rev. St. § 28-1313 A person commits unlawfully using a white cane or guide dog if not blind as defined by law and carries, displays, or otherwise makes use of a white cane or guide dog. Unlawful use of a white cane or guide dog is a Class III misdemeanor. Passed in 2008.
NEVADA. N.R.S. 426.805 Since 2005, a person is guilty of a misdemeanor and shall be punished by a fine of not more than $500.
NEW HAMPSHIRE. N.H. Rev. Stat. § 167-D:10 Passed in 2015 any offender shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and subject to enhanced penalties in paragraphs II and III. (fines and penalties not stipulated)
NEW JERSEY. N. J. S. A. 10:5-29.5 Introduced in 2013 an offender shall be fined not less than $100 and not more than $500.
NEW MEXICO. N. M. S. A. 1978, § 28-11-6 Violations dating back to 1978 is a misdemeanor. (fines and penalties not stipulated but referred to as misdemeanor under NM Common Law) ###### |
I was at a party with my friends and everyone was either drunk or high. It was a good time, one thing led to another and a lot of us girls were topless. There is a male friend in our group who takes candid pictures of us everytime we hang out because he likes to capture the moment. And that's what he did when we were topless. I think I was the only one who noticed so I went up to him later in the night and asked him to delete them. He was not sober at all so he says he doesnt remember this conversation. Basically, I asked him to delete the photos and he straight up said no. I'm not a confrontational person so I let it go. He went to bed and while i was sitting with everyone else, I told them what had happened. They got absolutely enraged and grabbed his phone while he was asleep to delete the pictures off of it. The next day, the guy who took the pictures found out what had happened and messaged me and basically told me that I should have asked him directly instead of making a huge deal out of it. I told him that I did and he said he didnt remember and I should've waited till he was sober and asked him again before dragging his name through the mad. I feel absolutely horrible because maybe he's right and I made a big deal about it for no reason. In the moment, I just wanted the photos deleted because it was stressing me out and as a girl, something like that could ruin my life. Am I the asshole for not asking him a second time and going directly to my friends? ###### | NTA, inebriation isn't an excuse for being an asshole. ###### |
When I was a baby my grandmother used to hand sew me a birthday dress every year, and a matching one for my favourite doll. The dresses were beautifully smocked and must have taken weeks to sew. It was a bit of a tradition. I’ve been keeping these dresses (left with my mother in my childhood home) for the last 30 odd years thinking that one day I’ll pass them down to my own daughter. Well today is my nieces first birthday and my mom sends me a picture of niece in my dress that I was keeping. I’m fuming! My mom doesn’t think it’s a big deal and refuses to apologise for giving it to her. She says she’ll get the dress back when my niece outgrows it. But I can’t help think that the dress will be torn or stained , and also it’s my dress that I’ve been keeping for my own child and I don’t want my niece to wear it. AITA? ###### | NTA, incredibly rude of your mother to give your belongings to your niece. I hope you can get the dress back in a civil manner. ###### |
I have been saving money for my niece and nephew since their birth as I thought I wouldn't be having children of my own. Since then I've saved 10K$ for each kid. It's not a lot of money but enough to pay for a few semesters of college.
My nephew is extremely bright and he managed to get a full ride scholarship to a really good school. He chose to buy a second hand car and save the rest of the money. He said he's going to use it as emergency cushion and I think that's responsible.
When my niece turned 18 I also gave her the money which she has used to fund three semesters of college. Now she is asking for more money because she thinks it's unfair that I also gave her brother the same amount when he has a scholarship. In my view it's fair to give them both the same amount of money. Not giving her brother money feels like punishing him for getting the scholarship. I told her that I would not be funding any more of her education. It's up to her to fund the rest of her semesters. She didn't try to argue but she went to complain to her dad. Now my brother is saying the same thing that I'm favoring my nephew over my niece.
AITA? I feel that they are being ridiculous. I'm not giving niece any more money as I'm saving for my own children as well and I can't ask my nephew for the money back. It's not fair to him. ###### | NTA, in fact you would be the asshole if you gave her more.
Your brother is so entitled for even arguing. Your nephew shouldn't be punished for getting a scholarship! You are 100% right in your thinking, stand your ground!
Edit: you are also a really great aunty ###### |
I have a rat with a mammary tumor, and I decided that I need to get it removed. She is otherwise healthy but it's growing fast and getting in the way of her movement. Unfortunately even after shopping around the cost is going to end up being almost $600.
I pay for everything with these rats and I'm even ready to pay for this bill. However I was scared of telling mom the price when I came home today so I lied and said it was going to be about $250.
Even with that amount She was shocked and started lecturing me about how unnecissary this whole thing was.
*"It's just a rat. Why do you waste your money on something like that? Just get a new one!"*
I felt really awful because I know it seems unnecissary to go to all this trouble for something that will only live another maybe 1-2 years. I just hate seeing her in such an uncomfortable possition.
AITA? ###### | NTA, in fact you sound like a really nice person, besides it's your money ###### |
A little backstory, I’ve (23m) been in a very great, loving relationship with my boyfriend (24m) for almost 3 years now. My parents and I already have a pretty bad past, including kicking me out of the house when they found out I was in a same-sex relationship. They claim it’s not because they’re homophobic and instead believe that my bf is abusive, manipulative and is keeping track of how much money he spends on me so I’m stuck in this relationship trying to pay my way out. In 3 years, my parents and boyfriend have been in the same room under 10 times and my parents have spoken to him maybe 5 times, if that. We haven’t been in contact much since I was kicked out, and in a few months, my bf and I plan on getting engaged. I don’t feel as though they deserve to attend my wedding because they haven’t been supportive most of my life and they definitely haven’t supported my relationship. My sister and other extended family think I’m the asshole for even contemplating This idea. Their thought process is “they’re your parents and your elders and you’d be so selfish to take this day away from them. They deserve this just as much as you think you do.” My parents aren’t paying for a single thing and they still refuse to even acknowledge my bf as part of my life. My bf has been extremely supportive and even though they’ve treated him with so much disrespect, he said they’d still be welcome if I want them to be there. At this point, I just don’t know what to do. Am I wrong for not wanting to invite them? ###### | NTA, im also am not inviting certain family members because of drama to my wedding. Ultimately its your day to be happy and if your happier without them then do it, you do you OP i hope its wonderful for you ###### |
My sister is the executor of my grandma's estate. Me, my sister and our cousin are the only beneficiaries of the estate. Me and my cousin live out of state. My sister took advantage of the opportunity to mismanage the estate and steal a lot of money. For example:
* She lived in my grandma's house rent-free with her boyfriend for 2 years. She paid the mortgage and utilities out of the estate account. The estate also paid for improvements on the property which benefited her.
* She kept many valuable things like my grandma's expensive collectible figurines. She pocketed at least $10,000 cash instead of putting it into the estate account.
* The house was on the market for at least 3 years. She threw many parties and failed to maintain the property when she was living there and I think that it hurt the house's chances of being sold. She ended up selling the house at a big loss because she wanted to move somewhere else.
* The will said that the estate was to be split evenly between me, my sister and our cousin. My sister kept $57,000 and gave me and my cousin only $700 each. Her excuse was that she paid many out-of-pocket expenses and she had to compensate herself for being executor. She wouldn't provide any documentation that supported her claims. She raided the estate account and now there's only $700 left which is my share that I won't cash.
There's more to the story but I hired a lawyer to fix this situation. My sister should have been paying rent to the estate and she should have done many things differently. My cousin wants nothing to do with this lawsuit. The rest of my family is angry with me for dragging my sister through this. They're telling me that my sister did everything right. They called me greedy and begged me to drop the lawsuit. Literally no one is on my side except my husband. AITA? ###### | NTA, IF, and this is a big, important IF, you’re absolutely positive that what you’ve lined out here is a true and unbiased accounting of events. If you sue her, you will be required to explain and document these statements to the satisfaction of some pretty high standards.
Really, really think about the way this story would look written by someone outside your family who doesn’t know or care about any of you, because that’s the kind of person you need to convince if you go down this path. ###### |
My brother asked for divorce Then proceeded a 4 month campaign to gaslight her about why. My SIL was blindsided. My SIL is not English fluent and has no real friends or family here and hadn’t worked. Over the four months after he demanded divorce he sweet talked her into meeting his lawyer in the hopes to have her sign papers with out offering fair terms for separation or representation. She was going to do it. My brother cheated on my SIL and only admitted to the affair after lying to everyone and learning that my SIL has proof. Then COVID shut down now she’s ‘trapped’ here. I chose to help her cause no one else in my family would. My other siblings agree he did some thing wrong but they are on his side. They are all narcissistic in their own way and my older sibling is actually going through the same situation with her SO but in reverse. (ie they are the cheater) my brother spent his life telling us he’d never be like our dad, cheating lying, and victimizing women over money. That used to be the biggest insult you could call him. Now when my SIL points that out he laughs in her face. Now my selfish siblings have sided with him andI think it will break our family entirely.
I never felt My siblings ever treated me with respect or regard. They are all childless and do better than me financially, abandoned me to take care of my aging parents alone, and only call to hear about how ‘shitty’ my life is cause (I’m not rich and raising kids is hard sometimes) or unload their emotional baggage when they feel bad. When the line got drawn in the sand I chose to help. I resolved that I’ll have to be ok with putting this final nail in the coffin of our relationship. But I chose to help the vulnerable over family. When it’s all done and she moves out of my house and flies home. I will have an empty bedroom and my children will have no aunts and uncles. AITA ###### | NTA, if your siblings actually had a great life, then they wouldn’t need to pump themselves up by insulting you. ###### |
Despite social distancing guide lines, my mom seems to want to invite a new person over every other day. Not only that she tends to have a bad habit of asking me to take on much of the hosting responsabilities like cooking, catering, and entertaining.
Today mom invited some of her friends and their gaggle of kids to play in the pool. She was doing most of the catering this time which was nice sense I wasn't interested in being there. this was partially because I was tired from all these social gatherings but also because I'm trying to do my own things in my room.
They all went to the backyard so I went to my room and started setting up my art project. Minutes later mom starts calling my name. I go to see what's wrong. It turns out she's tired. She wants me to come downstairs so she can take a nap in her room. I *really* didn't want to hang out with them.
She said, *"Oh come on. you can just stay here in the living room. It's just in case they need anything. You can even bring you art stuff down here."*
Here's the kicker: We have a macaw who is bonded to me. When other people are around she's relatively quiet but if I'm there she flips out and tries her darndest to get me to pick her up. I have ADHD. I *cannot* consentrate on my work when she's clinging to me. I just can't. I need piece and quiet.
I put my foot down and told mom that I did not want to be downstairs right now. She got really annoyed but didn't fight it any further. Moments later I heard her tell her friends that she was going to sleep on the couch instead.
Now I feel bad that I refused to help. AITA? ###### | NTA, if your mom has guests over that you are not familiar with and then expects for you to play host(ess?) while she sleeps then she is being selfish. It's not like she's asking you to take out the trash or get her something, it's being the go-to person for an indeterminate amount of time. ###### |
Posting from mobile so please excuse formatting.
My dog has multiple health issues, specifically hypertension and an autoimmune disease in one eye. Daily, she needs to receive a pill in the morning and four drops, two in the morning and two at night. She has gotten used to the drops and pills and doesn't fight you, just dislikes it.
For the past two months, I have been administrating my dogs drops in the morning. My parents said they'd handle the pills and nightly drops. Two weeks ago I mentioned the pills and found out my dad wasn't giving them to her. I talked to him and so far he's been better.
For the past two weeks, I've found the drop containers in the same place I leave them every morning. I've told my parents this multiple times and they always have an excuse. Yesterday, I told my mom how annoyed I was and she said she'd set alarms and give drops every night.
This morning I came downstairs to find the drops where I left them. My mom said "Hey, how are you?" And I said "I'm disappointed that even after our conversation yesterday you still couldn't be bothered to give the dog her drops." My mom blew up at me, cited the 'I am the parent and you are the child' and, as always, had numerous issues that prevented her from giving drops yesterday.
She tried to relate it to me not taking out the garbage. We didn't have a long conversation about the garbage.
AITA? ###### | NTA, if your mom can't take care of a dog you are lucky to be alive. ###### |
so my younger sister (11) has a habit of stealing from people. if anything goes missing, the chance of you finding it in my sister's room is 80%. i have this red jumper that i love and i didn't get it back from the wash. i knew it had been washed because it saw it on the line outside. i had a hunch it was my sister who had taken it. she went with my mum to walk the dog and while they were gone, i raided her room and found not only my jumper, but an entire box of stuff she had stolen from me including my inhalers which i need for my asthma. i was furious and took a few pictures and took the box back to my room. i'll admit, i was a little sloppy and had left some signs that i had been in there so when my sister came back, she was upset. i told her not to take my stuff again and she began to cry because i had 'invaded her privacy'.
my mum is on both sides, saying i should have asked her about my jumper (which i do. when things go missing, i ask my sister if she's seen them and she says no) but my stepdad is on my sister's side.
AITA?? ###### | NTA, if you're known as a thief, you don't get privacy lol. Your parents should do something about this behaviour now, because she'll end up in jail when she's older. ###### |
I have a tiny hole in my wall right above my bed. My girlfriend (17, im 18) absent-mindedly was scratching it and i jokingly said "haha don't scratch my wall off" thinking she'd stop. She didn't. She kept scratching it and i said something like "im serious please don't break my wall" as the hole was getting bigger. She kept on doing it though so I was a little upset because like ?? its my wall lol and i directly asked her to stop breaking it. Then she got defensive and completely shut me out and is now sulking on her phone. AITA?
edit: misspelled a word ###### | NTA, if you had only told her jokingly at first then maybe she could have played it off as no big deal. But the fact that you asked her once again in a serious manner and she continued to pick at the wall shows that she realized you wanted her to stop, but continued to do so. ###### |
So my (20F) sister (18F) doesn’t have any kids however we were discussing trans kids and my sister said that if her kid came out to her as trans, she wouldn’t accept them. My sister has not always been the best but recently she gotten worse. Using the word f*ggot, using gay as a synonym for shitty, fake throwing up at gay sex scenes on tv (note: this isn’t a twelve year old being disgusted by any sex scene, she only does this with gay sex scenes). As a bisexual this has been really hard for me to put up with so after she made the trans comment, I turned round and said ‘you shouldn’t have kids then and if she did that, that’s how she would lose her kid’ (as in the kid would stop talking to her once they could). My mum just told us to stop having this conversation. AITA for telling my sister to not have kids? ###### | NTA, if you can’t accept that your future child may not be cis and straight, don’t have kids. ###### |
Fiancé (24M) and I (24F) recently got engaged. We are in the very early planning stages.
Recently the topic of dress shopping came up. Fiancé asked if his mom would be invited. I said no. I’ve always envisioned it with my mom and maybe an aunt or two, especially the one that is my godmother and has no daughters. Fiancé seemed offended and thinks his mom will be too. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but his mom is pretty blunt and I don’t want any harsh opinions on that day. I don’t want to be one of those brides like on Say Yes to the Dress who brings too many people with her and they all have different opinions and then it’s really hard to get a dress. I don’t even plan on inviting my maid of honor.
Everything else about wedding planning involves making sure everyone else is happy and having fun, as it should be, so I think this one thing should be special and just for me. I think who I bring should be my choice.
So AITA?
TLDR: fiancé wants me to invite his mom to go wedding dress shopping. I said no, I’ve always thought it would just be me and my mom and maybe an aunt or two. I think this should be my choice. He’s offended. AITA? ###### | NTA, if you aren't inviting your maid of honor there is definitely no obligation to invite your MIL. A small group of people you are close to is best and your partner and his mother should respect that. ###### |
I feel like a dick so that's why im asking the impartial internet.
So my boyfriend and I (F17 and M16) fall asleep on the phone every night. I work mornings most of the time so I go to bed relatively early while he stays up all night and sleeps through the day. I tend to go to bed around 10:30pm or so, but I normally call him about 45 minutes before I go to bed so we can talk.
The problem is, we don't talk. He's always playing Warzone with his friends and I've gotten yelled at if I unmute to tell him I love him. I always get a hurried " Love you too, not now Potato" which he only ever calls me in front of his friends.
I always end up staying up later then I should so we can talk for a little bit and say goodnight. Right now its almost 12am and I have to get up at 8am.
When I brought up how I feel ignored when we call he just says that the only time he can play with his friends is 9pm-11pm because one of them has to work all day.
I don't want to be controlling or make him feel bad for enjoying himself but I do feel like it doesn't make sense to be on a call if we're not talking.
AITA? ###### | NTA, if you are on the phone, you should be talking or its a waste of time. Why can't he tell them he needs to take 5 or 10 to talk to you? He knows you have to get up early. ###### |
My sister asked me to babysit her kids (2,4,4,7). I agreed but I told her that she’s going to need to give me food to feed them because I’m fasting and I don’t have anything but oatmeal ramen, and protein in my house. My sister said buy whatever and she’ll pay me back. I asked the kids and they wanted McDonald’s. I bought them McDonald’s. I knew my sister didn’t eat McDonald’s but I didn’t know it extended to her kids. She freaked out and tried to make her kids throw up the food. She yelled at me and isnt paying me back. I’m a poor college student and that $18 is my grocery bill for a week. AITA? ###### | NTA, if there were food restrictions for the kids, she should have given you them upfront. ###### |
I occasionally buy an ice cream that's about double the cost of regular ice cream. It has more rich, creamy texture and is by far my favorite. My wife has some significantly younger siblings and cousins who are at our house fairly often (6-7 year olds). I don't want them to eat the expensive stuff because they would be just as happy with a cheap or store brand version of the same flavor. My wife gets irritated by it occasionally, but I dont think the kids can tell the difference.
AITA? ###### | NTA, if there is other ice cream available, why the heck should it matter to your wife? Be real now, kids dont care. They're just happy to get ice cream. ###### |
This story happened a few months ago but it still bugs me to this day, I need opinions. So I (22M) was taking the subway back home after a long day at work. Its a long ride I get on at the start of the line and off at the end. I found a seat thankfully and decided to get some sleep. About a third of the way in I was awoken by a pregnant lady and her friend asking me to move. There was a seat next to me empty that her friend sat in, and they obviously expected me to give up my seat so they could sit together. I refused saying that her friend can stand so she can take her seat. Obviously this upset them and they started shouting at me saying I was a sexist toxic person. Everyone on the train gave me disgusted looks, I defended myself but everyone seemed to have already taken a stand. Anyway I refused to move, and eventually a seat freed up and the pregnant lady sat down. I got disgusted looks for the whole journey and the friend was still shouting at me. I started to believe I must have misread the situation, the friend of the pregnant women was quite chubby so maybe she was pregnant and it wasn't visible. I asked her "are you pregnant, in which case I'm sorry". She went all red and got even more angry saying I was also fat phobic, I was a disgusting person, she got off at the next stop with the pregnant women with her. Turns out she wasn't pregnant. The rest of the ride was interesting and I couldn't sleep after that as people were looking at me like I'd murdered a puppy. I need to clear my mind and see if I was an asshole here, AITA? ###### | NTA, if the friend was that upset about her pregnant friend sitting down, she should have stood and given the pregnant one the seat, just like you said. If they were both pregnant, or the non pregnant one was disabled or something it would be different. They sound entitled. Forget them. ###### |
My husband and I have been looking for a home in the place where I grew up for around three years now. We have found a number of goodies and have even put in a few offers, but nothing has stuck.
Until a few weeks ago, when we found our DREAM HOME (old farmhouse, 15 acres, perfect location, and places for us both to work from - he is a mechanic and I am a photographer). We instantly began dreaming about raising our family there and staying until we are in our late seventies or so. We are both just shy of thirty now.
The offer and contract process was a bit difficult, we had to jump through lots of hoops financially and had to prove to them - for some reason - that we could afford to service the mortgage we were taking out. We ticked every box and signed the contract last week - hooray! We got our current house up on the market and have spent roughly 5k on repairs here, inspections there, conveyancing, marketing etc. All is going well.
Until today. We got a call from their agent telling us that they have changed their mind about selling.
Without going into too many details, their circumstance has changed and they can afford to stay there.
Legally, they have no leg to stand on, we own the house and cooling off is over.
Morally, I’m not sure. They have owned the house for less than a year (I would feel differently if they had owned it for twenty years and it was a family home), and they have said they want their friends and grandchildren to enjoy it and make memories there. We want to raise our children there and create memories of our own.
Are we the assholes if we proceed with the sale, even though they have told us this is their dream home and we would be taking that away from them?
Ah. Thanks in advance. ###### | NTA, if the cooling off period is over then it's too late for them to back out of the deal. It's an unfortunate circumstance for them if they find themselves able to afford it now but ultimately it's not your problem. ###### |
this happened recently. We hired this transgender girl about a month ago, I’m her direct manager so we interact quite a bit.
We had some more casual conversations the other week, she asked me if she was passing I said a simple “yes”, that wasn’t enough for her unfortunately so she insisted for a more detailed and honest answer, she said be honest I said well if you want honesty then I would say you are not passing at this point she was visibly upset and started asking for more explanation and I told her that this wasn’t a suitable conversation for our fairly new and basic relation, this was a turning point as she raised her voice and demanded me to tell her how Un-passing she was l, so I told her I figured you were trans the moment you set foot here and even before that from your social media that you shared with us. She tried to continue talking about this but I told her to stop having this kind of convo with someone who is supposed her manager and go back to work please.
She just got up and left, it’s been around 4 days she hasn’t shown to work.
And I’m kinda worried I was an asshole. ###### | NTA, if someone specifically asks for honesty, they can't complain when they get honesty. ###### |
So me (M27) and my family live in a townhouse of mostly white neighborhood (important later). The townhouses are sharing a strip of "frontyard" that we must maintain and we try our best to keep up, we planted flowers, we mow our lawn, etc. However, our neighbor that we share the said strip is always commenting and always telling us that we are not doing it properly, that we are ruining the front yard, and there are times where we caught them doing our lawn. And then one time, our neighbor knocked on our door and told us that we have to pay them for the lawn maintenance and we refused because we did not ask for it and it is not like we are not maintaining it. It's just that we are not doing it the way they like it. Also, we heard them referring to us as the "Asians" and call our other neighbors "neighbor". They called the firefighters one time because we are having a bon fire in our backyard, and firefighters said that we are following everything. They had a problem with us sun-drying our clothes even though we don't have any clothes line attached to our nor their fence. The last straw for me was when she talked to me as they were bothered by the fact that I have to leave every 10 pm to go work (I'm a nurse). My car is a Honda Civic with no modifications at all so it's not loud, and I don't play loud music at all. I started going off on her as my parents are too nice and have told her to mind her own business, stop being an asshole and we are done being a pushover She was shocked and in disbelief, she smelt like alcohol so I did not bother going further but she has not bothered us for weeks. My siblings are saying that IATA because she is an old lady (possibly on her early 50s) and she was clearly drunk. However, my parents are glad that someone had said something.
Did I overreact? AITA? ###### | NTA, if she's going to be dishing out these nasty remarks she's going to have to learn to take them. Besides, 50 ain't old, she is fully aware of how horrible she is being ###### |
My gf and even her friends would make a big deal when we started dating that i never posted pictures of her as i don’t use social media often, and she would ask constantly why i never wanted to post any. I post pictures of her frequently now, post her on Snapchat stories every week, and she is in my profile picture for most social media’s.
Now it’s been almost a year and she still has no pictures of me on any platform online and there’s little trace of me existing in her life online (even though we live together). I even asked her about it since she made such a big fuss that i post about her.
I’m wondering if I’m in the wrong for being upset that after this long there’s still no pictures of us together on her social media, especially since guys message and try to flirt with her all the time, even people who used to be my friends in highschool. ###### | NTA, if she was upset when this situation was flipped, you have every right to be upset and want the same thing here. If it was important to her that you post pictures of her, she should understand easily why you’d want pictures of you posted by her as well. ###### |
Last night I (f15) was talking to my sister (f13) about how I've been looking to make some extra money lately because I've been wanting to buy a new phone and haven't been getting many shifts lately because of coronavirus.
I said to her that I wanted to sell a dress that I had brought online, because I didn't like it as much as I thought I would and saw it as an opportunity to make some money. She said that I shouldn't sell it and *give* it to her because she likes and would wear it (I have had this dress for a few months and only worn it once, but I have never heard her say anything about liking or wanting the dress). I told her that I would prefer to sell it and make money. She ended up saying that I care more about money than my family and that I'm being selfish.
I think that because I own the dress I should be able to say who I sell or give it to, even if it does come across as selfish. I feel like she is guilting me into giving her the dress and keeps bringing my parents financial situation into the argument, saying that she wants the dress so much that even if I did sell it she would go out and buy a similar one with my parents money knowing the would make me feel bad. I also know that had the situation had been reversed she would have not given the dress to me.
I feel like we're both probably right in some way, but it has become a huge fight and I just want to know if I'm being the asshole. ###### | NTA, if she wants it so much she should offer to buy it off of you. Funny how "you care about money more than me" always means "give me stuff I don't need for free." ###### |
My SIL has never liked me. She had always tried to one up me. We were both pregnant at the same time. Her due date was 6 days after mine but her girl came early so she gave birth roughly 2 weeks before me. We had already announced our name because MIL wanted to make a blanket with baby's name in it.
SIL said their name was a secret. Well turns out they named their daughter the name we chose and announced. She thought she had won and I decided it wasn't worth arguing with her. I gave birth and we simply went ahead with our name choice. It's a generic name like Sara or Anna but it's was also my mum's name which is why we chose it. So technically SIL could have planned for this name all along but I doubt it.
Well, she's not happy at all that the two cousins now share a name. I told her tough luck and why did she think we'd change our name? ###### | Nta, if she really cared that much, she shouldn’t have named her kid that name. We have four Katies in my family. My sister is Kaitie (actually Kaitlin but we always have called her Katie), my step dads little sister is Katie, my step brothers wife is Katie, and my uncles gf is Katie. If we can manage all four Katie’s without anyone getting pissy, she can get over it. ###### |
I don’t know how I’m the asshole. But, hey.
My fiancée and I had a small fight. I wanted her to sleep earlier because she usually sleeps at 3. I wanted that because I really want to cuddle with her when I sleep.
I’m not really religious or superstitious, but she wanted us to go to this Chinese restaurant that has pretty weird and “true” fortunes. She begged me to go just for the fortunes, and we went today. When she read her fortune, I just laughed. It just said “Lose your next argument, and then you shall be more free”. I mean, it’s pretty funny and ironic.
She got mad at me laughing somehow. That I was being demeaning to her. Idk
So, AITA? ###### | NTA, if she really believed in that, she should accepted it. That was ironic and hilarious. But they are bs anyways. ###### |
My SIL has never liked me. She had always tried to one up me. We were both pregnant at the same time. Her due date was 6 days after mine but her girl came early so she gave birth roughly 2 weeks before me. We had already announced our name because MIL wanted to make a blanket with baby's name in it.
SIL said their name was a secret. Well turns out they named their daughter the name we chose and announced. She thought she had won and I decided it wasn't worth arguing with her. I gave birth and we simply went ahead with our name choice. It's a generic name like Sara or Anna but it's was also my mum's name which is why we chose it. So technically SIL could have planned for this name all along but I doubt it.
Well, she's not happy at all that the two cousins now share a name. I told her tough luck and why did she think we'd change our name? ###### | NTA, if she knew you had already announced it but still kept it a secret and then went through with the name anyways then she’s the asshole.
Also, I have a brother named Mike, uncle named Mike, and cousin named Mike and no one cares. (The uncle is my mom’s brother and the cousin is his kid named after himself. My mom claims my brother Mike was just because they like the name and not named after the uncle) ###### |
I (F 20) just moved in with my boyfriend due to some unstable conditions at home about a month ago. Due to Quarantine, I do my 9-6 job from home. My boyfriend (22) is unemployed and finishing his degree from home. Now when he has class, I do not bother him in the slightest. I stay quiet and respect him. I work so I can support him until he can get a stable job. Recently he’s been done his school work around 12 and has nothing to do so he plays video games until I get off work at 6. I have to work in the same room as him due to the house set up and where my desk is. There is no way around this. I would not care if he was playing video games if he wasn’t screaming and taking to his friends loudly during the game play. I make a lot of phone calls to important clients and I cannot trust him to stay quiet and keep a professional environment in the background. I have asked him multiple times to stay quiet and he just does not. I asked him to do anything besides play video games, like even watch a show or get some house/yard work done. He refuses to and says he should be able to spend his time how he wants. He acts like a child. WIBTA if I put my foot down and demand respect? ###### | NTA, if he was playing quietly with headphones on that would be fine, bit if he's being loud and stopping you from working then it's not acceptable. If it his flat or do you have it between you? Could he play games on another room as a compromise? ###### |
so I rewrote this because the original was hard to understand warning (I’m bad at typing) I been saving up money to get a PS4.i can’t work because of everything going on.i almost have enough to buy the PS4 and my uncle said he would cover the rest(about 80$)my bf is staying with me to use my internet to do online school until school is open again or until school ends.he thinks I should let him take the PS4 that I want to buy to his house.i live with my uncle (I might make post why later)my brother has a PS4 to but he works all day and when he gets home he plays on his PS4.My brother doesn’t like anyone in his room when he’s gone.My boyfriend is worried that people will come into my room all the time or try and take it if I buy it and keep it at my house.he said I could just play it at his house when I go over there.his house is in the other side of town and I hardly go over to his house he comes to mine more.he said that his brothers are bored and they could play on it.i love to game and I been wanting to get a PS4.he thinks I won’t use it because I would just be on Hulu all day.he got upset because I told him it didn’t make since for me to buy it and for him to keep it at his house.i thinking of not buying one now I was going to go tomorrow when my uncle was off to get one.AITA ###### | NTA, if he wants a PS4 at his house so badly, he can buy his own. He's being incredibly selfish. ###### |
Me (22F) and my boyfriend (22M) were in the middle of foreplay when I pulled back his for skin and saw it was a little bit ( just a little bit ) gross. I asked him if he could clean it before we went any further and he responded by saying “can we not just have sex then go shower?” To which I said that’s unsanitary and I didn’t want to. He then threw a hissy, stated the mood was gone because of me and he didn’t want to have sex anymore. AITA? ###### | NTA, if he got dick cheese I’m not getting anywhere near him, that shit is gross and tell him he should clean it. ###### |
Ok let me elaborate. We had a baby recently and my boyfriend has an older son who has high functioning autism. Things in the household have been tense due to space being cramped and of course adjusting to a new baby.
One night, my boyfriend's son kept turning on the kitchen light while I was trying to keep the baby down because it was the middle of the night and I was sleeping in the living room. I thought he was done in the kitchen so I turned off the light. He wasn't done and got an attitude with me. I told him I was sorry, I thought he was done. He then made the comment "you and dad don't deserve that baby."
I don't believe in violence and I certainly don't condone child abuse but I had to resist the urge to smack that boy in the mouth. I told my boyfriend to talk to his son and he yelled at me not to tell him how to raise his child. I told him I wasn't trying to do that but that I shouldn't have to tolerate that kind of disrespect. He later told me to just ignore his son and while I see his point I still think he needs to tell his son not to talk to me that way.
I have the right to be a mother to my child in a non hostile environment. On top of this, his family save for his mom has done nothing but judge and criticize me while I'm learning to be a mom. I have PPD but I'm sure it was made worse by all this. So AITA? ###### | NTA, if he doesn't want to be told how to parent his kid then he should do a good job of it in the first place. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. ###### |
This story starts around February 2020,
So class finished and i told him how i felt about him. I didn’t realize that his friends were watching me from the back of the class. I think i embarrassed him and he yelled at me saying something along the lines of, “eww no.”
Later that day i got barrage of texts from him, “How could you think i would go out with you?” “You have medium length hair and are short, Also you should hit the gym.”
I was near devastated. See the problem wasn't that he wasn’t wrong as I know I could be more athletic and I am quite short. I was feeling really sad so i screenshotted the convo and sent it to my friend, asking her how to cope with it. She and I talked a lot about relationships and stuff.
Later that week she told a bunch of other people how my crush “ridiculed” me because i asked him out. The news spread around my friend circles and his friend circles so fast. Almost everyone in our grade knew about what had happened.
I got some more texts from him about how i ruined most of his friendships and how i’m a terrible person. I started to think that i might have actually ruined his personal life. A bunch of his friends started taking my side, and i just feel bad about it. His friends keep telling me it’s not my fault and i didn’t do anything wrong but I feel like i did.
So reddit AITA? ###### | NTA, if he didn't want people to think he's a dick then he shouldn't have been a dick ###### |
I grew up with an air hockey table. My parents got it for my older sister when I was 5 years old. So, I grew up playing the game. Naturally, I'm pretty decent at it and I absolutely love to play
My husband and I were at the boardwalk when we noticed a air hockey table. Of course I dragged him over so we can play.
He immediately started smack talking me. He used to play in high school, he always won in high school, he was the best player of his group, it wasn't Blah fair because he'd dominate me....BLAH BLAH
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
So, I let him win the first game. It was best out of 10 oh, so the first game didn't cost me anything and it allowed me to learn his play style
He didn't win another game oh, he didn't score another Point either
He was so upset. He says it's unfair but I didn't tell him that I was so good at it oh, he says it was unfair that I let him win so easily the first game. He still says that I cheated and rigged the table somehow. And 5 years later he still refuses to play air hockey with me
Though he did watch and laugh as I demolished his baby brother ###### | NTA, if he can't get through a game losing air hockey to his woman how the hell is he gonna deal with life? ###### |
During quarantine I made a new group of friends on an app (two other girls and two guys). One of our first conversations was about the MCU and we were playing “Fuck, Marry, Kill” with the Avengers. I was asked to choose between three of the guys, and I replied that I resented not having Scarlett Johansson as an option. Everyone laughed (well, typed “hahaha”) and agreed to swap out one of my options. I didn’t realize at the time that everyone took this as me telling them I was a lesbian, I was just joking around about the fact that I think Scarlett Johansson is objectively the most attractive team member. That was about a month ago and I forgot all about it.
But then last night we met up in person for the first time and got into a conversation about Pride Month, and I realized that everyone thought I was a lesbian. I clarified that I identify as straight and am currently dating a guy. Everyone said that I told them I was a lesbian. I asked when and they brought up the game of “Fuck, Marry, Kill.” I said that was just a game and I didn’t mean anything by it. They said that was “pretty shitty because it’s like I’m misrepresenting myself and trivializing queer identity to sound quirky or interesting or whatever.” I said I was sorry if it was shitty and that I wasn’t trying to mislead anyone. We stopped talking about it, but the rest of the night was kind of awkward and then this morning I got left on read in the group chat.
So now I’m wondering if they’re overreacting or if I really was that insensitive. AITA? ###### | NTA, if anything they should've interpreted it as you possibly being Bi or Pan, not a lesbian. Talk about jumping to conclusions. It doesn't sound like you handled the situation badly or anything. ###### |
Im on mobile.
Me(F15)
Mom(F36)- “Mom”
Stepdad(M34)- SD
So i’m visiting my mom this week (my dad has full custody and i just visit my mom sometimes) and it’s that time of the month. I’ll try not to go into too many details but basically yeah i dispose of everything the way it needs to be disposed so i didn’t think there would be a problem.
My mom came up to me last night and said i made my stepdad “uncomfortable” for “making him look at my feminine products”. i instantly got embarrassed and told her i’ve always made sure i disposed of everything properly. Then she says, “oh no, not the thing itself but the wrapper” Which confused because like, it’s a wrapper? I’m a 15 year old girl, sorry i have a period?
She asked if i could start throwing it away in the garage trash so he wouldn’t have to see it in the bathroom trash. we have 3 BATHROOMS. One in their room, one in the hall upstairs, and one in the hall downstairs, i always use the one downstairs because my room is in the basement. If he doesn’t want to see it he can use one of the two other bathrooms. I told her i wasn’t gonna stuff my trash in my pocket and walk to the garage just because he can’t handle looking at a wrapper. She claims i’m being ridiculous and stubborn and that he shouldn’t have to walk upstairs anytime he’s in the living room just because i won’t throw my trash in a different place. I told her he can get over it.
AITA?
TL;DR: my stepdad is apparently uncomfortable with my feminine product wrapper and refuses to use one of the other two bathrooms we have so my mom is forcing me to throw my trash in the garage. ###### | NTA, if a grown man is grossed out by a wrapper, that’s his problem. ###### |
Alright for some background, I’m currently in high school (ik, my issue can’t be to significant because of my young age). Also, I workout nearly 3 hours a day in hopes of playing college football eventually. This of course has made me significantly larger than a lot of other individuals my age.
Ok, to the story. So due to the quarantine, I have been going on runs around my neighborhood. I enjoy running shirtless due to the Florida heat. On my route, I’ll usually pass a woman who sits on her porch, and occasionally her son playing basketball in the driveway. Yesterday, the lady flagged me down, so I stopped and looked at her. Before any kind of civil greeting, this lady starts lecturing me on decency and how it makes her son self conscious (he is at least 3 years younger btw). I told her sorry he felt that way, but it was to hot to run with my shirt on, and I started up on my route again. When I looped back around, she ran out in front of me trying to make me stop again. I just ran around her.
When I got home and told my mother, she said the lady was out of line, but did have a point. I was surprised she had never even batted an eye to the notion before, but made me think maybe I was in the wrong here. ###### | NTA, id do it if my nipples weren’t seen as indecent. ###### |
Yesterday was my \[24f\] birthday. My boyfriend already said he'd take me out for dinner to celebrate since last week, and I let my family know maybe 3-4 days ago. (for those of you wondering about lockdown, I live in a country where we have had restrictions relaxed as new cases have been in the low digits for a month)
Birthdays have never been big in my family. I haven't received gifts from either of my parents since i turned 15 and the occasion never warranted much except perhaps dinner outside. So to compensate, I suggested yesterday that we celebrate my birthday today instead. Neither of my parents said anything. I made the reservation earlier today, and now we're getting ready to go out.
My mum decides to tell me that my dad is not going because he's mad at me for going out for dinner yesterday with my boyfriend rather than spending it with my family. She said I'm in the wrong for choosing to spend it with my boyfriend, and that she and my dad are not going to dinner today. Obviously, I was confused and mildly pissed. I don't think I'm TA for choosing who to spend my birthday with. It's not like my dad even cares about for birthday for the past 10 years; no cards, no gifts, not even a verbal 'happy birthday' have I ever received. That was the case yesterday too; only my mum wished me happy birthday. So I was perplexed as to why he would suddenly be angry at me for not spending my birthday with him. And there's the dinner today that I already told my family I've made reservations for; he's just making it worse by saying he's not going.
AITA here? ###### | NTA, i’ve spent all my birthdays with my friends since i was 12, and they have no *right* to be in those birthday. It’s your day after all. Besides, if t
they really wanted to spend it with you, why didn’t they just arrange another one? ###### |
Hi, Reddit. My name is Taylor, and I'm trans (FtM). I started transitioning about a year and a half ago and things are gong swimmingly.
What isn't going so swimmingly is the ongoing debate over my name. My friends are giving me shit for keeping my "dead name". Some of them are trans and some of them are not. Their biggest argument for me changing it is that since all of me is going to change to reflect who I am, then that should also include my name.
But here's the thing. I actually like my name. Yes, I know Taylor is unisex and is more associated with girls than guys. But there are dudes named Taylor and that's totally cool. And I don't see the point in changing my name. I always saw myself as a Taylor. I'm now embracing my real me. And no matter what happens to me, I am still going to be Taylor. He has a new form, but he's still the same lovable goof my family and friends love having around.
And I did experiment with names, but none of them stuck. I guess that I just love being a Taylor too much to change my name to something else.
But some of my friends think I am an asshole for wanting to go by my dead name. Like it will invalidate my transition. But I should be allowed to keep my name is I still love it, right? ###### | NTA, i’m trans myself and can’t imagine ever being such a shitbag to my friend if they preferred to keep their birth name. they should know better than anyone not to gatekeep. do whatever is best for *you*, it’s your life. ###### |
im a 14 year old high school freshman and my mom and i were just having a conversation like normal, but then she asked me whether or not i’d let her live with me when i was an adult and got married. i answered no because if i were to be married, the only people i’d want to live with are my wife and my kids (if i had any), and it’s likely that my would-be-wife would agree with me.
but my mom then got upset and kept accusing me of not wanting to care for her when she grew old but i explained that i wouldn’t want to live with her but i would still take care of her. she continued and compared me to my older sister, who said that she’d be fine with letting my mom live with her and her husband.
i don’t think i’m an ass but she’s really upset at that and there’s this weird tension between us now ###### | NTA, I’m in the same boat. My mom wants to move in with me and my future kids, I’m like no. I might not even be having kids and she’s like “but graaaaannnnnndddddbbbbaaaaaabbbbbiiiieesss” ###### |
Small dilemma but would like to know if I’ve been TA after all these years.
So I’m a woman who hates carrying purses or large wallets but I still live in a city where cash is used frequently. Since I rarely have functioning pockets I resort to avoiding loose change whenever possible.
For example, if my tab is $14.55 and I don’t have exact change, I’ll sometimes give cashiers $20.55 or $20.60 so I’d get full bills back and minimal coins if possible. I also get to use most of my existing coins. I honestly thought most people did this.
Anyways my friend was out with me recently and saw me pay with this kind of sum. The trainee cashier was slightly confused this time and kept trying to give back my coins while keeping the larger bill. I explained and he quickly got it.
Afterwards my friend asks me why I did that. She got annoyed and said that I’ve been a dick to inconvenience so many cashiers with unnecessary “math problems”. She also accused me of not being empathetic towards people who can’t do mental math well.
I felt kinda bad but I honestly didn’t think it was that big of a deal. She kept saying that I was intentionally making their days harder by giving them such weird sums. Honestly I didn’t think it made that much of a difference and most cashiers have given me correct change no problem. But I could be missing a lot... AITA?
Edit: just adding that this was at a cheap food cart without a real register, so it was just a box of cash/coins and a few people manning the shop. Not sure if that changes anything though. ###### | NTA, I’m a cashier- all I have to do it type in the money you give me and it’ll tell me how much I owe you. It’s not an inconvenience whatsoever lol ###### |
My boyfriend has a female friend that I have never met for a series of real reasons and some of my own excuses. He is getting exasperated with me but I'm not sure how to tell him the truth as to why I don't want to meet or whether I should just suck it up and give in.
The main issue I have is that she is a cocaine user who has children. The coke isn't the issue, I have used it socially in the past and have friends who still use sometimes. My issue is she is a single mother who uses several times a week in the house where her children are. She's either alone or with others also on coke. Basically no unintoxicated adults if anything happened. Sometimes there will be 8 or more coked up adults downstairs. And she has an attitude of 'it's fine, kids are upstairs' etc. And because she's a single mum most of the times she suggests meeting require us going to her house, where there's a 50/50;chance drugs will be happening. It would feel strangely like enabling some thing I strongly disagree with just to be in the vicinity. Apart from that I don't really know how to go about meeting someone, where there is a pressure to get on all friendly, when I have so little respect for their actions.
Am I being stuck up and judgemental? I'm concerned that's how I am going to come across if I tell my boyfriend the truth as he seems nonplussed about the whole situation. ###### | NTA, I’d be calling CPS tbh but I’m just one who does not tolerate drug use while there is children in the house. I’d just be honest with him because let’s just say you’re over there and the cops for some reason get called then you and your boyfriend take the chance of being charged with drug possession and endangering the welfare of a child. ###### |
Sooooo yeah. My boyfriend and I have talked about him making my engagement ring before and I would honestly love a custom ring but the issue is..
My partner has never made any type of jewelry before. He has never worked with metal at all. He's an appliance repair tech so he knows how to work with machinery, and he's a fast learner so he seems to think that he can make me a perfect ring in a few months with no help, only YouTube videos.
When I told him I was concerned because my engagement ring is something that's important to me and I only get one, and i'll feel really bad if for some reason I don't like the ring. It's not like I can return it or tell him I think his handiwork is bad.
I tied to explain to him that I wouldn't have my grandma or my mom make my wedding dress even though they're both INCREDIBLE seamstresses who've had years of practice. I don't want to feel bad if I want changes or something different.
Every time I try to tell him I have anxiety about it he tells me he doesn't want to talk about it because I don't have any faith in him. But that's the thing..
I have no faith in him because he's NEVER MADE JEWELRY BEFORE.
Am I the asshole?!?!? ###### | NTA, I've taken a few metals classes at my university and metalsmithing/jewlery making IS HARD. it doesnt matter how fast of a learner you are, silver and gold are not forgiving materials and even with proper studio equipment and a professor guiding me every step of the way, mistakes were made that cost me hundreds of dollars. And I can tell you first hand that no amount of youtube videos can properly teach anyone how to work with metals in any high quality jewlery making capacity. I can understand him wanting to make it for some extra sentimental value or whatever, but he is not the one who has to wear it every day. An engagement ring is a big deal, and as such it deserves the proper amount of respect, made high quality materials and crafted by a jeweler who knows how to make a ring that will last for generations to come. ###### |
So I basically (17f) had been diagnosed with ADHD a year ago . I'm pretty school smart but I don't notice many Things around me and I have a problem with sitting or doing the same thing for more then 30 minutes . After I got the diagnosis from my therapist . I wanted to proceed to book other sessions to see what I can do to help minimise the issue . It started affecting my studies . My mother didn't believe me and told me I was doing this for attention and not to tell anyone about it . ( In our culture mental health is a taboo topic ) I wasn't happy about it I tried to retaliate anything . But it was no use and my father whose a doctor tried to convince her but nothing .
So suddenly today she heard one of her friends had a daughter with ADHD so she told her about and proceeded to tell all her colleagues like it's something to flaunt I guess . And now she believes I have it .
I was pretty furious since she had forbidden to go my therapist for almost half a year and continued to call me an attention seeker whenever I braught it up .
The fight was bad I was screaming at the top of my lungs in the end and shut myself in my room . Now she's acting like she's the victim and all she did was try to help .
So reddit AITA ???
Sorry for the grammar mistakes ###### | NTA, I've seen plenty of parents like this where they don't believe their kid but will believe xyz aunty. it's annoying and frustrating. ###### |
I'm 21f and I been with my boyfriend since freshman year of high school. I love my boyfriend and I do see having children and a house. I don't like the idea of marriage. I told my boyfriend this many times. Two weeks ago he proposed in our apartment. I said no and we fought and I went in the guest room. We haven't spoken in two weeks.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA, I'm not sure what response he expected if you've told him multiple times you don't like the idea of marriage ###### |
Throwaway.
I'm getting married early next year. I've already chosen my bridesmaids who I love immensely and all of them excitedly agreed. A couple days ago, I called one of my bridesmaids to chat about the planning and I told her I'd chosen a color for the dress. She asked about the shoes and I said I didn't care if they wore heels or flats, I just preferred that they were beige to look uniform in the pictures. She was instantly upset. At first I thought she just didn't like that idea but she followed it up with the statement that "black people don't wear beige." I was instantly confused. I've never heard that before.
I asked why not and what was wrong with beige and she responded "well obviously that's not 'skin tone' for ME." I tried explaining that I wasn't trying to match skin tone, I really just thought it looked nice with the dress. None of us (in the bridal party) have the same skin tone so I didn't even consider it "matching" anyone. When I explained that, she remained unconvinced. She also knows the other members so I pointed out that it wasn't their skin tones either but she insisted I didn't understand and was singling her out. We haven't spoken since.
So WITA (Was I The Asshole) for suggesting beige shoes for my bridesmaids. If I am out of touch, I apologize. I wasn't intending to offend. Because my bridesmaids have different skin tones, body types, heights and hair colors/textures, I am trying to find a balance between being flexible enough that they feel comfortable and having them look like they are all part of the bridal party by looking somewhat uniform. I actually wasn't married to beige and honestly don't really care if they wear different color shoes, but now I'm just confused and I want to know if I messed up. Either way, I'm going to reach out to talk to her about it and (regardless of my ruling) apologize - at least for making her feel singled out. ###### | NTA, I'm black, I own beige heels (more than one pair). She might be mistaking beige for nude. If that's not the case, then she's either looking for an excuse to bow out of the commitment, or she's insane. In either event, this situation isn't singling her out in any way, and you were neither being an asshole or racist (unintentional or otherwise). ###### |
Yesterday, i went to walk my dog and one of my neighbors, who i’m friendly enough with but definitely not friends with, was outside with her two small children. I’m not sure of their ages but I think they’re about 5 and 7. I asked her how everything was going for them. She said that it was fine but that her kids were going a bit stir crazy.
I offered to give them a little kiddie pool (the plastic kind you can buy for like $15 at Walmart) that I had in my shed. My husband and I bought it when my dog was a puppy but now he is too big to use it. I even said that I would clean it for her because i’m sure it’s a bit dusty from just being in the shed. She laughed and said no thanks and that she never wanted a pool in her yard because it is “trashy.” I was a little taken aback but i just basically said ok.
Her boy heard and was like “Anna (not my real name) has a pool? Can we get it, mom? Pleaseeee?” My neighbor then said that she wanted the pool. I told her no and that I would keep my trashy pool in my trashy yard. I was definitely annoyed at this point. The boy and girl then started to ask me for the pool and I said that if their mom wanted to get them a pool, she could do it herself. My neighbor gave me a dirty look and then i went back to my house.
I told my husband what happened and he was upset with me. He said that she shouldn’t have called it trashy but that he didn’t understand why i was punishing the kids for something the mom did and that the fact that I could tell a kid “no” for something I could easily do was “cold” of me. He’s now worried about how i’ll treat our future children! I think this is an absolutely insane overreaction. I just didn’t feel like doing anything for someone who called something I own trashy. In my opinion, it’s not a big deal at all so i’m really confused here. Aita? ###### | NTA, I would stand your ground unless you get an apology. She can apologise, spend $15, or continue listening to her kids wishing they had a pool.
Sounds like if you did offer it to the kids without her involvement, she would not let them have it anyway. ###### |
So when my wife and I got married I was probably 40 pounds overweight. I gained weight for a couple years until I finally got sick of being a fatass and started exercising and dieting. Since then I’ve lost 50 pounds, and I’d say I’m within a healthy weight range now.
When I first married my wife I would say looks wise I was out of her league. I think she’s very pretty and I was definitely not good looking. I’d say now we’re more equal as physical attractiveness goes, not to be a brag.
Anyway I was talking to a friend about how I’d finally lost weight and it felt good, he congratulated me then said that I should upgrade my wife. I figured it was a joke and chuckled a little but he kept going with it, said that we’ve only been married a few years(4, not nothing) and that I shouldn’t spend the rest of my life with someone “ugly” that I married because I was fat.
I said yes, I do in fact want to spend the rest of my life with someone I married, that tends to be how it works, and that I’m not a piece of shit so I’m not going to upgrade my wife.
He got a divorce a few years ago and talked a bit about how good it felt to be out there again, but never really said it was because he thought she was ugly.
He got pissed and said that he divorced his wife for looks and he isn’t a piece of shit, at which point I said that I disagreed, and he hung up. He messaged me later that we exchanged some “harsh words” and should just move past it, but then followed it up with he wants an apology.
I don’t know what the fucks wrong with him, but a mutual friend also messaged me that calling him a piece of shit wasn’t “cool”. I don’t know I’m pissed off right now so it’s hard to tell if I went too far.
AITA? ###### | NTA, I would recommend you 'upgrade' your friend ###### |
I have exotic pets, large reptiles and small mammals.
His kids come over and start going in cages and leaving them unlocked and giving me a heartattack trying to find my pets they released (surprisingly none have killed each other yet)
I told him he needs to leep a better eye on them or Im going to ban them from my house.
Today they caused my tegu to drop his tail (which is extremely hard to do they don’t drop it as easily as your random house gecko it takes a lot of trauma)
So I kicked them and my brother out and said they aren’t welcome back until they learn to respect me and my animals.
My mom called me and said Im being a massive prick it’s “just a lizard”
First off I’m expecting around a $600 vet bill from this as I have to get him x-rayed to make sure it dropped in a way that didn’t harm him and if you know anything about tegus you know they have the intellect of a 3-5 year old child.
Second this isn’t the first time they were warned.
Third my brother told me to just buy locks for my cages, It’s not my responsibility to pay to have my cages locked and i don’t want the additional hassle of having to lock and unlock cages twice a day (some cages don’t even have a way to install a lock)
Me-23M brother 32M his kids 10F and 8M
AITA
TLDR: brothers kids don’t respect my animals so i kicked them out ###### | NTA, I used to volunteer at a zoo and it took roughly 5 minutes (or less) to teach a room of 20 5 year olds how to respect and be gentle with the animals. They're perfectly capable of being careful, they just realize that there will be zero consequences no matter what they do. ###### |
So my baby bro(15) recently told me that he wants to come out to the parents and I immediately shut him down for it. Our neighborhood and family is strictly conservative and I know for a fact that his ass is getting disowned and kicked out if he does. Our country's childcare system is so messed up that it would be safer for someone to stay with their abusive parents than to be handed over to the state and I just barely started University so there's no way I can financially support him by myself. I know it must be hard for him to keep it to himself and a few close people but I just can't let him come out to my parents while still being so heavily dependent on them. Advice on any other way that I could handle this (if there is)would be much appreciated. ###### | NTA, I totally understand your concern. You really just want the best for him and I agree with you that right now that’s the best course of action. I have a little brother too so I feel you hard on this one.
If I were you, I’d try to open on the subject yourself if you ever have some alone time with your parents. Just to talk to them about modern day issues and see where they stand. Hopefully you can talk to them and almost convince them in a way that will help them be a little open minded.
I hope it makes sense, wishing the best for you all 💖 ###### |
Since it's usually just the two of us, my daughter and I are really comfortable at home when iy comes to what we wear or rather what we don't wear. All this was fine because, again, it was just the two of us. When my boyfriend comes around to spend the night or the weekend, we'd dress more 'appropriately' for the duration of his stay and then go back to our normal when he's gone.
With everything that's been happening, I wanted my boyfriend to stay with us because we don't know when it will end. Before inviting him over, I asked my daughter how she felt about that and clarified that this would be indefinite. She said she was cool with it and I invited him. The first week went well and she wore other comfort clothes. Then things completely changed within a day.
The first incident, my boyfriend and I were in the kitchen making breakfast and she came in wearing just underwear and a towel on her head (just came out of the shower). Breasts completely bare and she didn't even care to try cover them up. Instead she just walked in, greeted us casually, grabbed herself a glass of water then left. My boyfriend didn't say a word and I could tell he wasn't entirely comfortable with this so I tried talking to my daughter about but her response was that she wasn't naked.
Now she's been wearing short shorts around the house with just a bra (sometimes) etc. My boyfriend says it doesn't matter anymore because he's used to it now but I don't want him to be used to seeing my daughter like that. It's inappropriate. So I confronted her about this and told her to dress better in his presence but she bit me off about how I should be happy she's that comfortable around him and with her body. We're now constantly arguing over this and I'm wondering if I'm TA ###### | NTA, I think. This is a bit weird. You're right to ask her not to walk around your boyfriend topless as it's your house and you've established what is OK and what isn't - you agreed before he moved in.
I can't help wondering what your daughter's motive is. Maybe just stuck in her ways? At 19, it's possible/plausible that she might be getting a bit of a thrill from it - an older man seeing her like that, or is that too weird? I'm no psychologist so I may be totally barking up the wrong tree. ###### |
I have both BRCA alleles (was tested by a genetic counsellor several years ago) meaning I will most likely die of breast or ovarian cancer by age 60. I have dealt with many surgeries as well as radio therapy throughout my life relating to this; I am currently dealing with cervical dysplasia (pre-cancerous growths in 2/3 of my cervix.)
My best friend recently started dating a man who lied about having testicular cancer. Shortly after saying this and meeting me, as I offered to take him to a support group session, he admitted to lying about having cancer and only wanted the attention. He laughed it off as if it were a joke and never apologized. I never saw him again. The fact she is with someone like this makes me sick.
So today I called her not knowing she was with him, and when she picked up and I saw were together, something came over me and I asked “hey ____, why are you so sick in the head that you lied about having cancer? I want you to know you are the absolute scum of the earth and there’s a special spot waiting in hell for you” then hung up.
So.... am I the asshole? ###### | NTA, I think you kick ass. ###### |
So, I have a younger sister. She is twelve, and I am eighteen (I'm a high school Senior). Ever since we were younger, she has always asked me to do small tasks for her (such as bringing her an object, or throwing something out for her). At first, I didn't really mind. I didn't want to be mean, and it wasn't that big of a deal, so I kept doing it. However, her requests have become more frequent recently.
She always asks me to put her devices on charge (such as her phone, tablet, and headphones), fetch her water, and other such tasks for seemingly no other reason than because she's too lazy to do them herself. Whenever she asks me fetch her objects, the said objects would always be close to her, and the fact that she refuses to get them herself is just mind-boggling to me.
I tried to refuse her several times, saying that she can do it herself and that she doesn't need my help, but whenever I do, she would throw a fit, saying that I "have to do it", because it's "part of a routine". I just don't understand why she's being so stubborn. I know that she's younger, and still a kid, but I feel like this behavior is immature, even for her age. We have gotten into a few fights about it, and she doesn't seem to understand why this irritates me. She thinks I'm the one being stubborn and unreasonable. I just want her to understand that I can't do things for her all the time. Even if they are little in hindsight, I don't wanna feel obligated or forced to do them. It doesn't feel fair to me.
Am I being unreasonable here for not wanting to comply with her demands? Am I the one being immature? Am I in the wrong here for not wanting to do small tasks for her all the time? ###### | NTA, I think she’s just lazy as hell. If you stop helping her with minor things like that, eventually she’ll have to do them herself and she’ll eventually get used to it.
Don’t put up with that shit. I have a brother with a similar age difference and he’s stopped bothering me after not doing any shit for him like that ###### |
My goal is to be debt free as soon as possible so I can save for retirement. I want to pay down debt. I’m 40f and my wife who is also 40 wants to send her kids/my step kids to pretty expensive summer camps. We get absolutely no help from the kids father. I do pay for some stuff for the kids but I really don’t feel like I’m obligated to bend over backwards spending money on them. AITA? ###### | NTA, I think it's good that you want to be debt-free. Also with covid-19 I really don't think anyone should be going to summer camp ###### |
My (32m) sister (45f) sister has always been there for me. Because we have such an age difference, she has been my second mother. Our mother is still alive but she dumped my onto my sister to take care of me. With her love and support, I’ve been able to accomplish a lot. We are super close and I consider her my best friend. I have always sent her a mother days gift
And flowers because I always want to remind her how much she means to me and, I am grateful for all of her sacrifices. She didn’t have to raise me but she did and I love her very much. My wife thinks it’s super weird and and gross. She says that I shouldn’t be equating my sister to my mother and that I have mommy issues because of this. She says that my sister should stay my sister and, because she has her own kids, I shouldn’t be giving her anything. I explained that she didn’t grow up as I did ( she and her siblings are close but not as close as my sister and I). I also told her that it’s none of her business if I send my sister a Mother’s Day gift because it’s my gesture. She got upset and is not talking to me. AITA? ###### | NTA, I think it is lovely. Your sister did so much for you going up and you show her you are gratefull. Simply lovely. ###### |
Hello Reddit!
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TL;DR in the title I guess as it is an age old question.
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My gf and I went out for dinner with a couple of her friends, and their SO's. Right before dinner we had a drink with one of the couples and "going Dutch" happened to come up in the conversation and was agreed upon to be a good method to always split the bill. (And they have done this in the past as well)
As we sat down for dinner we ordered modestly, no big ass steaks and no expensive bottles of wine, but the other two couples went more to the "treat yo'self" way of ordering. This led to quite a blown up bill that was not balanced between the couples.
One of the SO's of the other couples picked up the tab and told the rest it would be sorted out via a payment request through whatsapp afterwards. Fine by us, that's just about a cultural tradition here.
We got the request and it was probably 50% higher than it should've been for us, so we did some calculating and asked "what gives". Turns out they decided to split the bill evenly after all, and left the original bill in the restaurant so no piece of paper to properly determine who had what.
Here's the, wel not really, million dollar question. AITA for going against this way of deciding who pays what and put my foot down to a guestimate of what we had?
Their counter-argument was that it was awkward to have to send the rest another request to pay more and that we should not make a big deal out of this. ###### | NTA, I suspect “splitting the bill equally” is often a cover for people who want to order pricier options ###### |
Backstory: I passed my driving test in April last year and ever since then have been parking my car in the allocated parking space outside the house. (The house does not have a driveway).
Up until the last month or so, I have had no problems with parking my car here. Since the lockdown my neighbours parents have been visiting virtually everyday, this is not my problem. My problem is that they insist on parking in my space if I’m not home when they arrive. My neighbours have a car, meaning their parents cannot park in their space... there is, however, visitors parking opposite our houses.
So the way I may have been TA is because I got home around 9pm after a long hard day and couldn’t park my car because, you guessed it, the neighbours parents were in my space. Not knowing what else to do, and being fed up because this is happening virtually every day now, I parked directly behind their car blocking their exit, but other neighbours could still get out. I feel the need to note that had they come and ask, I had every intention of moving my car, I just wanted to show them how annoying it is seeing as asking them politely clearly hasn’t worked. Anyways, fastforward a few hours and I was exhausted (the neighbours parents still hadn’t left but I wanted to go to bed) so I moved my car on to the visitors parking and as I was walking back to the house I heard a voice say “finally, I can go home now she’s moved the car”.
So, AITA for wanting them to knock on my door and ask me to move my car to show them it’s annoying not being able to park/ pull away easily?
Edit: can I please just point out that 1) they are designated spaces in each houses tenancy agreements and 2) the tenancy agreement also states that our visitors must park in the visitors parking spaces. ###### | NTA, I saw in a comment that you have talked to them to no avail, so moving on into petty revenge territory is very much earned. If they keep it up maybe try finding a traffic cone and sticking it in your spot, maybe with the unit number on it? Not that I'm advocating pissing these assholes off further (except I totally am, please continue fucking with them). ###### |
It was around 1 PM in the afternoon. Wife accidentally called her male college friend when trying to hook her phone up to the charger. We started discussing the prospect of having an afternoon quickie, then I went to wash up quickly before coming back.
Twenty minutes later we finished and found that her friend had hung up the phone right when we were done. He was listening the entire time even during our discussion.
I called him and yelled at him for claiming to be such a devout and religious man then violating our privacy when the call clearly was an accident.
AITA? ###### | NTA, I really don't understand how he thought he could get away with that. Isn't it just common decency to hang up a mistaken call? Plus he waited after you discussed it knowing it would happen? What a pervert. Definitely not the asshole here. ###### |
I was born in a developing country. My parents immigrated when I was young. We were dirt poor when we moved. And I used to have nightmares about my childhood there, because we were constantly living in fear of violence. My parents made it big in our adopted country, moved back to Asia, and bought a nice home in a gated community. They now consider themselves patriots, and are constantly singing praises of the country they fled from.
I on the other hand, worked very hard to ensure I never have to move back. I became financially independent from my parents, and remigrated to Europe.
I have been pretty outspoken about my experiences, and regularly criticize my birth country for basically robbing me of my childhood. My parents don’t see it that way. They want me to move back because they feel I “belong” there. And we’ve had many arguments over this. They worry about my social media postings, because it may hurt their businesses, or I may end up in jail next time I visit.
Truth is, I still don’t feel safe whenever I visit them. The police there is still very corrupt. Healthcare standard is very low. And hate crime is still rampant. So one time when my parents tried to silence me, saying “don’t you worry you may be banned from out country if we keep posting stuff like this?”
And I just blurted out, “it’s not my country anymore; and TBH I’d rather you come to visit me in the future because I REALLY don’t want to go there.”
My mother started crying and hung up on me. I got a msg from my dad demanding that I apologize, and visit them the next chance I get.
I should also mention that they constantly worry that if I don’t go back, their estate will be taken by the government. But I honestly don’t care about that.
So AITA? ###### | NTA, I mean, your birth country is really bad if you can get banned for fb posts ###### |
My best friend (let's call her Apple) is black, and I am white. In the area we live, we both are considered a minority of the population so theres not many people around for her to learn from to do her hair. Apple is in a smaller minority than I am, so I want to try and help her out a bit by helping her learn to do her hair because her mother doesn't know how to do it either.
Now, I have another black friend (we'll call her Blue), I asked her about it because she always shows up with cute hairstyles and knows her way around hair. I asked her if she could teach me to do hair like that and Blue called me racially insensitive.
AITA for wanting to learn how to do Apple's hair? ###### | NTA, i have no clue how to do my natural hair, since my mum is white. I would kill to have a friend help me !! ###### |
We have a discord server with about 20 people. It's a collection of people we found from games or friends of friends. In the general chat we usually just chill and have light hearted conversations with each other. It's just a place to relax and talk.
Anyways along with the story, I'm 17(M) and there's this person named C(17f) I've never really got along with her due to her personality being rather gloomy and she kind of tries to make her depression (her claims) as a personality. The general male to female ratio is about 3:1. Whenever we are having any form of conversation she deters whatever we were talking about to change it to herself. For instance, I may say "Ark is becoming really fun to play". To which she replies "Well at least you're happy I've been depressed all week". Right after we'd spend the next 5minutes of people consoling her. This has happened so many times to count about 8 times a day roughly.
Well yesterday, like usual we would be making conversation and with another female let's call H we're talking about invading enemy team and planning how we're going to attack and what we're taking. C then starts saying "This is why all men suck always trying to take from people". I reply stating how it's a game and it's just what you do and the conversation ended. Later on I say Happy Father's day in the announcement and guess what she says "Must be nice to have a father mine beats me" Occurence 2. Now on the final straw, we were talking about our days, wondering what we should play next and she states "I've been crying all day and vomiting from it". I got really annoyed and stated "Okay C please stop making every conversation so negative, you're literally being an attention whore". Then literally everyone called me insensitive and a pos.
And now I feel like an asshole. AITA? ###### | NTA, I hate those kinds of people. I would've kicked her away if she did that repeatedly ###### |
Pretty simple story.
So, we ordered from Dominos for lunch. She said she just wanted those breadstick and wings. I confirmed if that was all she wanted a couple times.
When the pizza came, she asked for a slice. I refused. She already ate probably around 12 wings, and 2 bread sticks. She also specifically said that she didn’t want pizza. She can’t have her cake and eat it too, or I guess eat her cake and have it too!
So, AITA? ###### | NTA, I had to set these boundaries with my fiancé very early on in our relationship. I made it very clear that if he choose not to order anything when I placed food orders he was not getting any of mine until I was done, and even at that I sometimes marked them as leftovers for the next days lunch.
Biggest fight we ever had was when I told him I did not want him picking food off my plate , it was on my plate for a reason, and when I got up to get a drink I turned around to see him feeding the dog my food, was not a good night
She needs to understand that if she had wanted some pizza then she should have made it know when you were ordering , and to not automatically feel like you should give up your food to her when she wants some. ###### |
My son and his girlfriend have been dating for over a year now, and things seem to be going well. She’s a lovely girl, from a stable family, and I really think she likes our family.
I’ve now got to the stage where I’m letting her stay around (albeit I ask her to sleep in the guest bedroom, because I’m not quite ready for grandchildren yet! 😇) this has worked out okay (although I have caught her in my son’s room a couple of times.
The only thing that’s making me uncomfortable is that she seems to wear barely anything to bed when staying over and, when using the family bathroom in the night, she’ll walk around in her underwear and a bralet without minding if I, my son or my daughter sees her.
I’m not a prude (I actually sleep naked and my kids all sleep in underwear), but AITA for expecting her to at least wear pajamas when she visits, given their age? ###### | NTA, I get you. You just seem like you want to set boundaries. You wouldn’t want your son walking around in his boxer shorts at her parents house, that’d be inappropriate. This is the same thing. ###### |
My fiancé proposed to me 3 days ago. We dated for 6 years previously.
To give you some insight as to why I’m upset, it’s because he’s RICH. Like owns a Rolls Royce and a mansion rich. Gucci belts and Chanel bags type rich. I didn’t know this when we initially started dating, he revealed it about 9 months into our relationship.
The ring is beautiful and I know that the ring says little about the quality of a marriage, But when he told me he got it from Etsy (I think) for only $140 after I had been gushing about it to everybody that would listen, I was really, really hurt.
He spent more on his dogs cage than my ring.
I feel like he doesn’t care about me, but when I let him know, he started accusing me of being a gold digger. His family is accusing me of being a gold digger.
I’m just really jarred because he previously had no qualms with spending money with me and I never took that for granted
I know I’m not entitled to his money and I was never with him for his money, but considering the extent to his wealth I don’t think I’m being unreasonable in my expectations. Am I? ###### | NTA, I feel like this is a sort of test.
Of course his mom and sister are on his side. They would lose $12,000 if they weren't.
I think you should really think about if you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like a gold digger. Even if you aren't one, once you start asking for anything at all it will be seen as you gold digging.
You can pay your rent and all your bills. You don't need him making you feel like a burden.
This isn't about a $100 ring, but he doesn't want to listen to why you are hurt by the ring. Worse yet, he makes you feel bad when you try to communicate with him.
Like you said, you would have been fine with a $1000 ring and to me it seems like you want to at least be seen as more special than his dog. Right, now you feel like less than a dog because he can spend $800 on a dog's cage but not on your engagement ring.
When you tried to explain that to him he made you look like a gold digger. You want to be respected and seen like an equal.
The fact that the gem fell off proves that he didn't look for something long-lasting. He got something cheap and it made you feel cheap.
I would advise that you try again to talk to him. If he won't hear you try writing a letter to voice your concerns. Don't only talk about the ring but about your future if you two get married.
Would you need to sign a prenup? Would you combine incomes? Would you have separate incomes and pay 50/50 of everything? What happens if you have kids? Would you be expected to stay home with them? Would you still have to work in order to pay your share of the bills? Would that mean getting a nanny so you can work for your bills?
These are all things you have to think about before continuing this relationship. If you don't like the answers it's ok to walk away.
Just because you have been with him 6 years doesn't mean you have to marry him. Honestly, living alone and at peace with yourself would be a lot better than having to defend yourself everyday. You'll always be seen as a gold digger to him and to his family.
The fact that he still calls you a gold digger after all these years shows that he won't change.
If you even ask him for $20 for gas, you'll be seen as a gold digger. Is that something you want to live with for the rest of your life? ###### |
So back story.
My parents split when i was 2 years old, My mom kept me and my brother and my dad left and avoided contact entirely.
Never paid child support, and kept sending my family his bills and police officers so that they wont go to his address.
Recently i found out he passed away from cancer and my family wants me to mourn for him, yet i dont feel anything for him other than disdain and anger.
I've attended his funeral and paid my share for the tombstone.
My relatives are now giving me a tough time saying i must mourn him as jewish tradition dictates
(7 days of mourning, and then a year with no music or any happy events)
Am i wrong for feeling like this ? ###### | NTA, I don’t even know why you’d contribute to a tombstone, I sure as hell wouldn’t have, and sitting shiva for a guy who abandoned you and spent his life imposing obligations and harm on you is... just no. ###### |
Throwaway.
The story goes like this: I come back home from work and I hear arguing coming from my 16yr son's room. I come inside and I find him and my fiancee (we've been together 2,5 years, my wife left us 4 years ago) yelling at each other. I ask what happens and she says she grounded him but he refuses to accept it. I ask him what did he do and he says "I cursed a bunch of times while playing games with friend". I look at her and sort of ask "that's it?" and she goes "yeah". So I tell him he's not grounded and get out of the room to prepare myself something to eat.
After a while my fiancee joins me and asks what the hell. I tell her the boy is 16 and there is nothing wrong with him yelling "f\*ck" once in a while. She says that "this isn't about that" and explains that she gave him a punishment and that I undermined her authority over him. I told her I didn't think him cussing was a big deal and she says "well, I did".
And here comes the asshole part. I go: "Well, yeah, okay, but you're not his parent."
She sort of just started at me blankly while I took a bite of my sandwich, so I doubled it down by saying:
"Look, I love you and my son likes you, but I'm his father and you're not his mother. You get no say in what he can and cannot do. Next time you want to punish him for something you have to go through me first, alright?"
She looked really hurt by this and is currently angry at me but I don't feel like I did anything wrong. ###### | NTA, I don't understand the people calling you TA, it's weird and awkward for someone that is not a teenager's parent to be telling them what to do? If she had such a problem with what he did, she should have come to you FIRST, as you've been his parent for 16 years, and she's just coming in now. It's bizarre for her to just feel like she should get parent authority without even having talked to you about it. Like, really weird and domineering. Even if your son was ultra disrespectful to her at some point during the interaction, she STILL needed to come to you first. I remember my step father when I was 16 thinking he could just manhandle me and my sisters if we misbehaved. Non-parents suddenly feeling like they have parent authority just because they live in your house is a huge red flag,tbh. ###### |
So since September 2019 I have payed for feeding, bedding, the stable box and done all the daily work an care that comes with having a horse. The owner is a sweet girl in her 20s and her parents was paying for the horse up until then.
In September she fell, the hores were injured and she got scared, her parents then approached me about the horse and asked if I were interested to treat it as my own, if I were paying everything except medical bills. Around 600 usd a month.
I did and I have, I had to nurse this animal because he had a huge gash in his leg. Then I had to slowly get him back into shape before I could ride due to it's a older horse.
So by January I could start to actually ride. I have been taking progress photos and videos and sendt the owner since I have experience in doing this from before.
So now after not seeing the horse or answering my progress updates since mid September 2019, she sends me a message saying she wants to take the horse for a summer vacation 2 hours away, I work fulltime and don't have the time or energy to go there every other day to care for the horse. (she was suggesting we had every other day) I told her that if I were expected to half care for it and paying, I would prefer the horse to stay where he is or I would consider to stop having responsibility for it. She got a bit offended that i argued with her since she is the owner and all that.
Her parents agree with me but they also sympathise with their daughters wishes, but they don't want to pay.
So I'm sitting here kind of bummed out because I have grown to care for this animal, but I also feel I should have some say in this....am I the asshole here?
Tl;dr: I care and pay for injured horse after owner falls, doesn't hear from her in 7 months and now she wants to move the horse 2 hours away for all of summer, while I still an expected to pay for feeding and come care for it every other day. ###### | NTA, I don't know much about horses but sounds like you own that horse now? Is it normal for people who don't own the animals to pay the majority of the upkeep I'm sorry if I misunderstood anything but it sounds like the family have used you to pay for a horse they only kind of give a shit about when they should of been paying for everything to begin with? ###### |
So this past week my 8 year old daughter has been begging me to shave her head. This just started after her 17 year old cousin did it. I've always considered myself a supportive mom and let my kids do whatever they want (within reason of course)
She had extremely long, blonde, gorgeous hair just like I do. She was fully aware that I was going to support her decision, school was cancelled for the rest of the year and she won't go back to school until August (possibly September) so her hair will have time to grow out.
So last night, I got out my husband's clippers and shaved her head for her. She smiled the whole time and loved the end result.
The next day, I took a photo to send to my mom and only my mom. My mom decided to forward it to a bunch of other family members, who got back to me. 90% of them agree that I'm the asshole for not saying no to her and setting limits for her, and also told me that I'm setting her up for bullying.
Here's the thing - it's literally her hair will grow back. She knows. I asked her if she regretted it and she is extremely happy that she did it. As for bullying, she knows how to stand up for herself and that hair doesn't define her beauty.
I personally don't think I'm TA but I want to know everyone else's views on this. ###### | NTA, I do think it's important to help your kids understand what they're doing and what the consequences of their actions can be (so they avoid acting impulsively), but I think you did just that. On the bright side, she's saving money that would've gone to the shampoo and conditioner bill lol ###### |
I am a Muslim man married to a Christian lady, she is half Arab so knows islam well and in my country marriage between Muslim men and non Muslim women is pretty common.
She is my favourite person in the world and I love her so much. I am happy to share my dates with her that are specifically from my country (not super hard to get but expensive) but in my faith it’s better for me to use 1 date every evening to break my fast for this month.
She does NEVER EVER eat the dates apart from these ones I order each year because they are amazing. They are from a charity so don’t do big batches.
Now I don’t have too many left and I requested my wife saves enough that I can break my fast every evening (so I need about 20 dates let’s say) she said she wants to make a dessert that will use most of my dates.
I said no, that’s not fair. She said just order more. But the problem is with shipping and held up items I’m not sure not long that will take. It might be until Ramadan is over.
She is annoyed with me and keeps pointing out Islamically it would be better to give her the dates, in the sense that I would be rewarded. I guess she’s right. But I do still enjoy them. She thinks I’m being miserly. AITA? ###### | NTA, I can’t imagine where she’s coming from. Can’t she just go buy her own dates that aren’t special to you? Practicing your faith is something a spouse should support, and if breaking your fast with a date helps you connect with your faith, then she should respect that and leave them for you.
In the future, I suggest buying several of these small artisanal batches to avoid problems in the future.
Luckily, my spouse and I don’t usually enjoy the same foods and have allergies that limit our diets. Still, when there’s stuff we both like, the one who likes it least leaves it for the one who likes it more. It’s these little things we do that show us how much we love, respect, and just “get” each other. ###### |
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and haven't had many speedbumps.
So this morning we woke up super early and just chilled out on the balcony. She said she was thinking about getting a boob job because she feels insecure or whatever with her current breasts. Now I know she does have a poblem with their size and has a bit of bad experience with other guys over their size but they're honestly fine and she's over stressing them. We once even settled it by creating a throwaway and posted pictures for feedback and they were literally all positive yet she still thinks they're too small.
So obviously I was like do what you want but I think you're great regardless and she then dropped that she would like me to pay for it for her. I told her as much as I love her I'm not going to pay to fix something that's not broken. I didn't say this but this is like her coming to me with her car and saying that she always thought it looks weird, is broken and needs help getting it fixed even though I can clearly with a bunch of other people that it's fine. Why waste money fixing something that's broken. I made it clear that I'm not opposed to the idea of her getting a boob job but I can't be the one to pay for it. She got upset and called me an asshole. Was I one? ###### | NTA, I can't possibly imagine her thought process on this. ###### |
My girlfriend and I was playing a game and we were answers questions and that question came out and the game is about being 100% honest and we both had been up to that point and when that question came up and she went then it was my turn I said “ how much you say Um mind sentence” mood shattered in seconds the laughs stop immediately . I apologize and tried to say that won by default you’re not a annoying person and it was the only thing I could think of she tried to argue but kept saying um and getting embarrassed which made the whole thing worse and she went to bed. AITA ? ###### | NTA, i always say don't ask a question if you don't want the answer. this is just an unfortunate situation, i can understand her feeling bad but there isn't really anything to do. if you can't be honest with your partner or comfortable enough to share what you think without hurting the other, then there needs to be a lot of work in the relationship ###### |
Long story a short:
My boyfriend doesn’t like showering that much.
He takes care of his appearance, shaves and wears clean clothes, so overall he looks very respectable.
However, despite sweating quite heavily at night and doing a lot of physical work during the day, he won’t shower more than twice a week.
I know I have quite a sensitive nose but he does really smell bad a lot and I don’t like sleeping next to him when I can literally smell him from the other side of the bed.
I tried to talk to him about it and have nicely asked him to consider showering more often, not necessarily every day but at least every two days, but he just won’t listen.
When I ask him if he could please shower before bed he will offen answer “but I just showered the other day” by which it is likely he meant four days ago.
The other day, after months of having this conversation I had enough and told him that he stinks and that if he won’t wash himself he can go sleep on the sofa.
Of course that hurt his feelings and he seemed very upset.
I know it was insensitive but it made me so angry that he couldn’t respect this one request.
It’s also quite a turn off when it comes to being physical.
He is such a lovely person and I love him so much but this lack in hygiene actually concerns me.
I find him attractive but I can’t get over the fact that he doesn’t think it’s necessary to shower.
I don’t want to be a dick about it but isn’t it normal to shower more often than twice a week?
Should I have not brought the subject up?
Am I being an asshole? ###### | NTA, hygiene is such a basic thing, whether you're in a relationship or not. You're not asking for much. And if he doesn't wash his crotch, it could create problems for your crotch and mess with your ph balance. (assuming you're female) ###### |
Well for starters, my stepdaughter is seven. I've been in her life since she was 3 and I love her like my own. Because of covid she has been spending a week at her father's and a week here when she normally spends just weekends at her father's. I look forward to her coming home. Well lately my wife has been yelling at my daughter for small things. And by yelling I mean actually yelling. Like yesterday my daughter had eaten some gummy bears and immediately after went to use the bathroom. My wife instantly yells at her for not picking up the wrapper. Yesterday as well she got yelling at for not picking up her toys immediately after she was done playing with them. This has been going on for awhile just Minor problems she gets yelled at for and I have brought it up saying she's just a kid and isn't being bad. I can see it on her face how upset and confused she is not knowing she's doing anything wrong and in my opinion she's not. Well yesterday was her first day home in a week and for her to get yelled at like that bothered me. So I said something to Cassandra and now she's pissed off at me saying I'm calling her a bad mother. I stated I am not but she doesn't need to be screamed at all the time. She still is upset and mad at me, but hasn't yelled at her since. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA, however, I hate to say it, but you will be an A if you don’t put a stop to this.
I was one of these kids, although more in my teens than single-digits as far as I remember. My mother would scream and yell at me all the time over every little thing. I didn’t read her mind and do something she never told me to do? Yelling. I didn’t let out her untrained dogs because I knew they’d come right back inside and shit on the floor? Yelling. I had a “look on my face”? Yelling. I was any emotion other than happy? Pestering, prodding, and then yelling.
She blew everything out of proportion and took her anger out on me. I was both her emotional lightning rod and her emotional support animal—my job was to absorb her anger when she was pissy and give her validation and attention when she was in the mood to whine and cry and feel bad.
This has taught me several things that I am only recently beginning to unlearn, and **these are the same lessons your stepdaughter will likely learn if you don’t put a stop to this awful treatment:**
* I am responsible for other people’s emotions.
* If other people are angry, I am the cause.
* It is my job to make other people feel better.
* I deserve to be yelled and screamed at because I clearly can’t do anything right.
* Because I clearly can’t do anything right, I am a failure and thus I am bad.
Among others. But I can promise you, something as “simple” as being yelled at all the time can and will cause a host of issues later on that can easily take years to even begin dealing with.
Please don’t let your wife do this. Please don’t let your stepdaughter grow up wondering why her mom hates her and why she can’t ever seem to be good enough for her mom. Please put a stop to this and preserve her self-esteem or your wife will crush it before it even has a chance to grow.
And don’t be afraid to stand up for your stepdaughter in front of your daughter herself when this happens. Because my dad always sympathized with me in private, but he never did a damn thing to defend me when my mom threw one of her tantrums at me. Needless to say between that and my own separate issues with him my relationship with him was never that great. Your stepdaughter will notice if you stand by, and eventually she’ll wonder why dad doesn’t care that mom is so mean to her, and she’ll really be screwed. She’ll feel like she has no one she can turn to and her only choice is just to take the abuse and then go slink into a corner to cry and feel bad about herself and deal with it alone.
Don’t let her suffer like this. Please. From experience I can tell you it fucking sucks. ###### |
Backstory: So I have 4 siblings in total 3 brothers (ages of 19, 17 and 16) and 1 sister who is 12 and I am 14. Me and my sister share a room, and our brothers can eat enough for a small village. Like literally nothing lasts more than a day in my house and my parents refuse to buy anything until the week is up so there is never any snacks in the house.
Me and my sister have started stock piling snacks in our room for us to share away from our brothers cause they would just eat it all. We keep it all in a little safe in our room, it is one of those electronic ones so it takes a code. We both came up with just 2 digits of the code and we don't tell each other so we don't hog more food for ourselves and its always fair when we get food.
We were running low and I spent about 25 bucks filing it up, while she does put her own money in too I have way more cause I'm older and can actually leave the house tot he store by myself without anyone tagging along. I have noticed that the cabinet can barely stay full for more than 2 weeks and I am starting to lose a lot of money.
She recently asked me if she could have something out of there close to dinner time and I told her no and to wait till after dinner if she was still hunger (dinner was about in 2 or 3 hours). She got upset and told me to just do her a favor and I refused. I said if she really wants something ill go to the store with her and she can buy something herself. She wasn't happy and said I'm being unreasonable.
She was all pissy for the rest of the day and didn't speak to me for almost the whole day but got over it when we were going to bed. AITA? ###### | NTA, honestly, it's very generous of you to even give her that much of snacks before. It's your money you used, your snacks.
You even offered to take her to a shop so she can get her own. Still, your sister just wants your snacks. ###### |
Hi, I am a 14 year old male and have a sister with autism who is 11. I recently brought my PlayStation into the living room because I am remodeling my room so I’m sleeping up stairs in my other sisters room on the floor and brought my PlayStation upstairs My sister asked if she could play the demo of Just Dance and I said just once, she agreed and I let her dance to 2 songs. It was no big deal to me until I brought my PS VR headset to play Carnival games and SUPERHOT. I was playing for around 15 minutes till she asked if she could play. I said no and my dad agreed because he didn’t know how she would react (she gets overwhelmed easily due to anxiety and has a meltdown.) until my mom jumped in and argued with my dad until he said fine. I didn’t want her to due to it being made out of plastic and how flimsily it really is. Also with this list of the past things she has broke
My PS3 disk and cases by ripping up the covers and scratching the disk
My Xbox 360 by grabbing it and dropping it on the floor
A Dell desktop and 2 monitors
Mac computer by downloading viruses
A keyboard
My copy of Super Mario maker for the WII U by snapping it
My old phone
A Samsung tablet
Xbox one disc drive (temporarily broken)
Xbox one disc (about 5)
And a few other things.
With her history of breaking things I didn’t want her to break the VR headset. She has an Xbox one, my 3DS, a new Mac, and my Wii U which I was hoping she would play instead but she can’t settle with any of them.
Luckily she didn’t break it but gave me anxiety because she kept tugging and yanking on it but yeah it survived.
So guys and gals, AITA? ###### | NTA, holy shit that's a long line of destruction. Your mom is an enabling idiot. ###### |
I am a recovering anorexic that has been through treatment and therapy for this disorder however, no one in my family knows anything about that at all.
I am 21 y/o F that has moved back home with my aunt because my university shut down and since I’ve been back every time she seems me eating she teases me about how my backside seems to be getting larger and today she asked if I have “looked in the mirror lately” because I “eat too much”.
To her it’s harmless games and just joking around. I can attest that this is just how her humor is, very crude and often times will cross a line.
She never hesitates to call other people in my family fat or to make “jokes” about random strangers she’ll see when we go out. It’s extremely embarrassing but at this point I’ve accepted that’s how she is and I just have to live with it for the time being. Usually when she’s conversing with other family members about their weight, their conversations are full of laughter and very light hearted.
I’ve been told by her and others that I am overly sensitive to things so I fear I may be over reacting. I know she’s genuinely not being malicious but it doesn’t make me feel good when she teases me every time I am eating around her.
Today I yelled at her for constantly being rude which made her really upset. She apologized and made it known that she was just joking and didn’t mean any offense by it. I feel a little bad for my outburst especially since she does not know that I am a recovering anorexic who gets extremely triggered when people mention my weight or comment on the frequency of which I eat.
AITA? ###### | NTA, holy fuck. The "I say what I want, I'm sooo edgy" thing is idiotic in general, but when you're prodding someone about a serious and traumatic condition with a high rate of re-occurrence you can fuck right off. That's not rude; it's extraordinarily malicious.
Edit: I missed the line about the aunt not knowing about your condition. Makes her less of TA, but doesn't mean she is not TA. There are certain things you don't pick at people for, for precisely this reason. ###### |
My husband is from the DR. He and I met when I traveled abroad as a nurse in my twenties. We’re still married, he’s a fantastic man.
Our 15 year old daughter, the oldest of our kids, has recently decided that she doesn’t have to respect me based on my race. We’ve raised her to be conscious of the racial issues in the US, and have made it clear that people of color face dangers that white people don’t face. In her teenage years she has decided to use this against me.
First of all, she has decided that she’s black.
My husband has always referred to himself as “brown” or “latinx” and the N word is not a word we use in the house. Our daughter has decided to “reclaim” that slur as a “black woman” and she uses it in every casual sentence.
Whenever I ask her to do something simple (load the dishwasher, clean clothes off her floor) she says “yes massah! Right away massah!” In a southern accent as if I’m behaving like a slave owner.
My husband is at a loss and so am I. Over the dinner table she kept using the N word and I firmly asked her to stop. She said “that’s rich coming from my WHITE mother.” I said “your WHITE mother is about to beat your BROWN ASS if you don’t go to your bedroom and stay there for the next twelve hours.”
She stomped up there but kept trying to come out throughout the night claiming she was starving (she hadn’t finished her dinner). Each time my husband and I gave her water and marched her right back to her room.
AITA? ###### | NTA, holy fuck that child needs help. Idk how the fuck she got “black woman” from “white mom and latino dad” but i highly suggest you put her in some fuckin counseling before she goes back to school and learns the hard way why she can’t talk like that. ###### |
This is very awkward and I’m not sure who to ask so I decided to post on here.
My boyfriend proposed last year around Christmas, and of course I immediately said yes and together we have been very excitedly planning our wedding. We were due for September this year but have obviously put everything on halt.
One of my friends, Abigail, is a singer. She has a very gospel-ly kinda voice but as awful as it sounds all I think when she sings is ‘this is warbly’ and I have to fight to keep a straight face. She’s not awful, but it’s really not my cup of tea.
Obviously I would never say that to her but I do encourage her passion because one day she wants to turn her hobby into a career. I always respond in the group chat with constructive feedback when she sends us voice clips asking for it and if it’s very bad I’ll just stay quiet and not say anything at all.
Now recently in January a little known music producer (I think) retweeted a video of her singing and she has taken this as her sign that she is about to break it big.
She asked why I hadn’t asked her to sing in our wedding, and I answered honestly that I want her there in a friend capacity, not there to work. She then said she insisted on ‘gifting’ us the song to our first dance.
I really, *really* don’t want her to do this so I told her I would need to square it with my fiancé as we are making all decisions together. Thankfully he was on board with me and I texted her ASAP to say that fiancé wasn’t keen on the idea because he *really* wants x band to play instead.
She became upset in our chat group and quite a few of my friends are texting me telling me I should give her the platform and that I’m being a bad friend and an asshole, and that I’m being selfish. ###### | NTA, here it goes, my friend. The second anybody you know hears about your wedding, they’re going to start telling you what to do. But it’s YOUR wedding and if you don’t want your first dance to be sang by someone whose voice you don’t care for, you have every right to do something else. Put your foot down and let Abigail stay butthurt. Your wedding is about YOU, not her. ###### |
My 14 year old niece loves to sing. She isn’t going to be the next America idol or anything, but she isn’t under the illusion that she is, she just has a lot of fun performing for the family and making videos on YouTube.
I’ve always encouraged her, (by watching and commenting on the videos, asking her to sing for us when I’m over, etc.) because it was a chance for her to be create and outgoing and have fun.
Lately her parents have been hounding me to stop encouraging her. They say it’s not a good use of her time if she isn’t going to take it seriously and since she doesn’t have the capacity to become any kind of great performer, that she should really be focusing her time on other things.
That’s their prerogative at home how they want to do it, but I didn’t feel right suddenly stopping asking her to sing for us or stopping interacting with her videos.
Her parents are now royally pissed at me and my brother says I’m an asshole for ignoring such specific instructions. Am I the asshole? Or do I just have a difference of opinion? ###### | NTA, her parents suck. it’s amazing that you’re being so supportive of your niece, and im sure she really appreciates it. just because someone will never be famous for their talent/activity that they enjoy, doesn’t make it a waste of time. good on you OP, please continue to support her!!! ###### |
It’s my Girlfriends birthday weekend. My girlfriend told me to reserve her birthday (Sunday) to devote all my time to her. I obliged...
I have some fun and romantic plans for the day. Got a custom cake and a few other goodies.
I blocked off Saturday afternoon for her as well for dinner with her family and whatever else.
I told her I’m engaging in a hobby of mine I haven’t gotten to do since lock down started on Friday.
I got absolutely flamed for not “wanting to spend time with her” even though she never said anything about that day.
Am I the asshole for wanting to do my thing instead of spending time with her? ###### | NTA, her birthday is on Sunday. She's totally overreacting to you wanting to do something on Friday when you've already planned so much for her birthday. You can't spend every second with each other, having your own hobbies is completely normal and healthy. ###### |
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