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My fiancée I always knew isn’t the strongest person, she struggles to open jars and lift stuff sometimes, but that never seemed like too much of an issue.
Last week I was watching one of those stupid videos where the guy does 50 push ups a day for a month. My fiancée sat down next to me and commented how impressive it was because she can’t even do one. I was flabbergasted because she only weighs a little above 100 pounds, there’s hardly anything to lift. I could see if she was on the heavier side but she’s not.
I haven’t worked out for real in years, I go to the gym once in a while to make sure I haven’t completely lost my ability to function, and I can do a push-up. I can’t do a ton of them but I can do 20-30 in a row.
I asked her to demonstrate and she did, and she literally couldn’t do it. The absolute lack of strength was astonishing. So I ordered 4, 6 and 10 pound weights online.
They came today and she got to the box before me, and asked why I ordered light weights. I said they were for her and she got super pissed off and said it was rude and mean to get her weights when she didn’t ask for them.
I don’t understand how she can live with herself not even being able to lift her own body weight. I mean she’s not sickly or diseased, she doesn’t have a genetic disorder, I can’t see how she can’t do one.
AITA? ######
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YTA
Why is it so important that she can do pushups? ######
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I have a son [16M] and a daughter [15F]. In the same weekend, my son was broken up with by his girlfriend and my daughter was broken up with by her boyfriend. They were very upset. Since they were going through the same thing, they decided to be there for the other and spend more time together. They are spending all day together talking, crying, eating, watching movies, playing video games, etc. I've heard them say things like they don't need a relationship as they have each other. I think its getting unhealthy. Like they are becoming too dependent on the other. Or even trying to replace their ex with their sibling in a sense. I saw them laying next to each other with their arms around the other's shoulders. That was the final straw and I told them earlier today its enough and they both need to spend some time apart, try to be happy independent, and stop relying on the other. I sent them both to different rooms but they are begging me to let them be in the same room again. ######
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YTA
Why are you sexualising your children's sibling relationship? You should be pleased they are close enough to be of comfort to each other when they're having a bad time, not projecting weird shit on them. ######
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My fiancée is 7 months pregnant. Pretty exciting and everything's been going according to plan with no complications. Only problem is that my beloved fiancée has the world's weirdest cravings and when they hit, she becomes crazy until she gets it and then she wouldn't eat it saying it's disgusting. Between that, constantly making food for her (day or night) and messaging her feet, I needed a break. Actually she was the one who suggested it earlier in the pregnancy.
So I packed my a bag filled with clothes, called both of her sisters (who were willing and are extremely helpful) and asked them to look after her for the week while I went to stay at my best friend's house. I wrote a note for her just to say goodbye since she was dead asleep and explain that I'm still available if there's a problem or something and that she should ask her sister to call me. And then I left. It was amazing and a breath of fresh air staying with my friend although i started to miss her so after four days and a half days, I came back home.
Problem is, now she's angry at me for leaving her and now I'm sleeping on the couch. I get that she can't necessarily take a break herself but she had her sisters' support and help the whole time and if I stayed I would've lost my mind. Aita? ######
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YTA
What the actual fuck, man? You up and left your heavily pregnant fiancée for a week with a *note*? I understand you're stressed, but you're not the one growing a damn human in your body. What you do if you need a break is TALK to her, not peace out for days on end. I can't imagine how she must have felt waking up to you gone and finding that note. Just...mind boggling that you thought this was okay. ######
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So I met this girl through an online video game we both play. We've been talking on and off for about five years now. Here's the thing though, although we've talked for this long, I have only seen maybe a handful of pictures of her. I've reverse image searched the ones I've had and it doesn't return any results, but still very fishy.
Every time I ask to see a picture of her, she tells me no because she has "body dysmorphia". I find that hard to believe, she's legitimately one of the most attractive girls I've ever seen if her pictures are true. I decided to see if she would trust me enough to send more pictures, so I've been asking semi-frequently and every single time has been "no" or some other excuse. I finally had enough and called her a catfish, because that's what I've been lead to believe with all the evidence I have.
She got extremely upset and lashed out on me, saying she wasn't a catfish and I know she has body dysmorphia. She said I was being ridiculous because we aren't dating and I don't send her money or buy her things, so what reasons would she have for catfishing me? I felt like she was once again coming up with excuses and told her I needed proof. She hasn't talked to me since. This still seems fishy though. ######
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YTA
What reasons do you have for not respecting the personal boundaries she has clearly set? How does her appearance change your relationship in any way? Why do you feel she owes you anything more? ######
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I have been running around a lot lately amd my hamstrings are getting kinda tight. I was stretching them in my backyard in a sports bra + shorts. When I was turning over I noticed the neighbour looking out his window at me. As soon as he saw me look he left the window. The next time I looked he was back when he noticed he left the window. This happened one other time and then I went inside. So I texted the neighbour's wife what's up later that evening. Next time he sees me (he works from home) he says that wasn't cool and he 'was just cleaning the house' and wasn't looking at me.
AITA for texting her? ######
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YTA
Unless it’s a pattern, he could have literally been cleaning the windows and looking outside and saw you.
You’re causing extra drama by involving more people.
Talk directly to the people who are potentially offending you and clear up any misunderstandings or make clear what is appropriate or not. ######
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So let me give you some background. My (49M) daughter (19F) came out to me a couple of months ago as bisexual and, I was very supportive of her. I made sure to tell her that i loved her no matter what, The other day, though, she put a post on Facebook telling everyone! I told her that I wished that she would have told me that she was going to do that first, because I would have wanted to let some close friends family members (e.g. her grandparents. Aunts/uncles.)know ahead of time so they wouldn't just find out that very big news while they just scroll through Facebook. The next day, after I had time to gather my thoughts, I sent her a message saying how I was hurt that she didn't give me the consideration of even letting me know before she did this and it was one of the worst things that has ever been done to me. I told her that her childhood friend, G, who has a genetic disorder and is not able to fully comprehend that, had to be woken up by her mom to be told instead of just finding out while she scrolls through Facebook. My wife agrees with me, but my daughter says that I don't have a say about how she does this, even though it affects me. Am I in the wrong here? ######
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YTA
This is HER identity and it is 100% her choice how and when she chooses to come out and to whom. Stop making this about yourself. “One of the worst things that’s ever been done” to you? Congratulations on your extremely sheltered life. ######
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2 years ago I needed a kidney transplant due to kidney failure and my brother said he would donate one of his. So long story short he gets his kidney removed and I get my surgery, that should be the end of it right? Wrong because after my recovery (They visited me in the hospital btw) my family comes to visit me and I thank my brother for the millionth time and he says this "It's fine I'm just gonna say this though, there will be a time I ask you for a favor and you can't say no" and starts laughing saying "I'm just playing nah the only thing you gotta do for me is stay alive and don't put us in a scare like that again" and everyone laughed.
That stuck with me, because I remembered back when we were younger he would pull the "you owe me" card, like when we were kids we had this mystery pokemon figure pack and I got a Zapdos and he said "Yo please let me have that I let you have my Mewtwo and you said that you owe me one" others would be with things like chips and food. So after a week of that on my mind I cut contact with him because I was scared he wasn't playing around, he tried to call me on Easter 5 times and I ignored him. My Dad called me to ask why I was ignoring my brother and I told him and he said I was being overly paranoid. They haven't told him and the last thing he text me was "Look If I said anything wrong I'm sorry but please say something". I haven't heard from him in 2 months and I started to think I was being an ass about this so AITA? ######
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YTA
This has to be a troll. It wasn’t even a creepy joke. Dude literally gave you a kidney and you ghosted him. ######
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Some background - I (19f) have been staying with my brother -B- (23m) and his long term boyfriend -K- (25m) for the time being for obvious reasons. My only other option was going home to our parents who I don't get along with.
Since living with them I've noticed a few things. Like when my brother cooks he always sets aside some of the leftovers for his boyfriend to have for lunch which means it's off limits even if I want more. He told me after a few days that I had to limit my shower time to under thirty minutes and after I told him I needed extra time because I'm a girl he laughed and said that's a stupid and untrue. He also does his boyfriend's laundry, evening ironing his things. When I asked him to do mine too he said I was grown and could do it myself. Well, if I'm grown so is K.
At one point I drank the last of this really good orange cream float drink and K got mad at me because he apparently makes them special for B. I hadn't noticed that the bottle was marked with my brother's name or obviously I wouldn't have drank it which I told him. He rolled his eyes at me and told me to pay more attention next time.
It's honestly starting to feel like they don't even want me there and are trying to passively aggressively get me to leave. All I want is to be treated the same, am I the asshole for that? ######
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YTA
They are in a relationship, it's perfect normal to do things for your significant other like make thier lunch or do thier laundry.
You are a house guest and even if you paid rent, are not entitled to laundry service. Hes doing his laundry as a nice gesture for his partner, not because he is incapable. You asking him to do yours too is ridiculously entitled behavior.
The fact that you have internalized this to the point that you are comparing yourself to your brothers boyfriend is a little concerning. Your not equal to boyfriend because its not a competition and your not being wronged by your brother doing things for his partner. ######
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Hi - honestly I'm a bit lost and confused here, but please hear me out.
I (25M) started taking dating apps seriously a few months ago. Anyone familiar with these kind of apps will know that it's a lot harder for guys than girls. I know for a fact that several female friends of mine have hundreds of matches whereas I (average attractiveness) was lucky to get a reply back.
A lot of the time it also seems to fall to the guy to make the first move and keep the conversation going. So when an app tells me a girl's interests, I usually try to work them into the conversation if it lulls.
A few weeks ago there was a girl (23F) who I really clicked with. Similar sense of humor, some great photos, and she seemed sweet. After talking some we decided to hang out and see if we worked irl.
I was kinda nervous and because I really wanted this to go well, I looked her up on a few social media platforms. All her profiles were public and so were her likes. I happened to find her profile on a really old site (the picture had to be from at least ten years ago) and I was pretty happy because she liked a page about a video game I love. She even drew fanart.
So we're hanging out and I happen to mention the video game and how cool it is we both enjoy it. She's confused obviously and asks me how I know she's a fan.
When I tell her I saw it online, she completely freaks out on me. She accused me of stalking her, and didn't really listen when I tried to explain I'd just done some googling.
AITA for checking this girl out online before meeting up? ######
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YTA
The right answer: hey I love video games, do you?
The wrong answer: so remember that halo fan art you did when you were 11 ######
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I'm male, so is my friend. We're both straight?
I don't know how best to describe what my friend does but he "non-sexually fetishizes" homosexual men. He thinks the epitome of masculinity a lot of homosexual men encompass. Things like leather, bears, etc. He tries to put himself into this subculture even if he's straight. He thinks muscle dudes and hyperdominant men are hypermasculine and tries to join that kind of subculture so it rubs off on him. I don't know. It's fucked, I don't know how to describe it very well.
He's part of a few Facebook groups and forums dedicated to this by his own admission. I can see the Facebook groups but I don't know the forums. He told me what he does is he joins these groups, exchanges nudes with a lot of people, then romanticizes the male physique. His MO is he tells people he's gay and just goes to town exchanging nudes and non-nudes with random homosexual men.
Maybe he's closeted and he's hinting at something but I know he was engaged to a woman before and all the time I've known him he's been very clearly very successful with women.
I want to join some of these groups and let the administrators know what my friend is doing. I personally think it's unethical to misappropriate your sexuality to get nudes from people. It's like a straight guy pretending to be trans to get into women groups and to manipulate women in those spaces.
Am I just crazy? This whole situation is very bizarre and I don't know what to make of it. I know he's been doing this for a couple of years and he has hard-drives full of gay pornography (perhaps most/all of it from groups like these).
Would I be the asshole for my plan? ######
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YTA
the dude is gay or bi and figuring himself out.
just because he's "successful" with women doesn't make him straight.
the dude is attracted to men in some fashion. like, honestly, i can't see why you think he's 100% straight after everything you just said.
leave him be, jesus christ. ######
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So I dated this girl briefly for 2-3 weeks two years ago. We went to 4-5 dates so I thought everything was going fine, she had already come to my place etc. But one day, she suddenly blocked me from everything without saying anything. I honestly was really disappointed and blamed myself, but I didn't try contacting her again.
Fast-forward to 2 weeks ago, after corona started dying down we started hiring for some positions and I was going to interview some candidates my boss sent me. I saw her name, and checked the picture so it was her. Well I immediately knew that I couldn't interview her, I contacted my boss about it and told her that I have had personal relationship with the candidate so I couldn't interview her. She asked me why, and I told her she lacked basic communication skills and I doubted her lack of empathy with other people.
My boss said okay and took it from there. She interviewed her, but she didn't advance to the next step. I told this to a friend and he told me that I definitely cost her the job and I shouldn't have told anything to my boss. So reddit AITA for it? ######
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YTA
The correct response to why you couldn't interview her was,"we briefly dated." Not to smear her character. ######
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I work in an office job (currently WFH now but still applicable). I am frequently bombarded with nonsensical and vague requests with unrealistic deadlines. I am in a customer-service type role, although the 'customers' are people from work, so I'm not dealing with the general public.
I finally got sick of the constant requests and put this as an auto-responder on my Outlook:
"Before you email me, consider these four things:
- Your deadline is not my priority
- Be specific in your request. I will not fill in the gaps or join the dots for you.
- Read my job description. Requests unrelated to my job description will be sent straight to my junk folder.
- Politeness doesn't cost a penny.
My supervisor gave me a call yesterday saying I need to remove this auto-responder or tone it down. I stood my ground and said I'm getting sick at the quality of requests coming through and needed to filter some of them out. I've been referred to my supervisor's boss. AITA? ######
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YTA
That response is unprofessional as hell. You should never have an auto-responder for all emails unless you're out of the office. And internal clients are still clients. You're expected to maintain a minimal level of professionalism even with your coworkers, and this ain't professional.
If you refuse to change this, you'll likely find yourself without a job soon enough. But hey, at least that'll fix the pesky "customer" problem, right? ######
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A friend of mine started dating this girl, they are long distance. Now I love my friend he is a super talented engineer but he is a bit socially stupid. He hasn't dated any girls before and now started dating a girl that is nothing but red flags. She is a single mom and the way she describes her life as if she is a perpetual victim. To add to that all of her ex's been large tattoed men and now she is dating my engineering buddy when he met her at a conference.
​
Again I told my friend to be mindful just because this is his first relationship and he is pretty experienced... But now he told me that she has been online shopping a lot on his credit card (she has his amazon account). But then he told me she spent $50 at CVS...
​
I told him the only reason people spend that type of money at a pharmacy is to buy Plan B... (this was 6 days ago) and he hasn't seen her since January...He told me how dare I accuse his girlfriend of cheating. I told him to ask in our guys groupchat.. He asked and everyone called him an idiot. Now he is mad because he thinks I told our friends before hand. I am like no, if someone spends $50 at a pharmacy its 99% for that reason. ######
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YTA
That is entirely untrue. Like 100% bullshit. I have spent over $50 at CVS many many times and I’ve never had need for Plan B. Like the only good thing about working from home is I’m not popping down to CVS wasting all my money like I used to. (There was one in my building.)
Shampoo and conditioner and some moisturizer gets you over $50 easily. Even brands they sell at CVS. Plus when you go you never just get what you came for. You come for shampoo (which can be pricey already) and then you remember you need hair ties, and cheez-its, and a couple of face masks and altoids.
Tampons are also pretty expensive.
You can criticize how she seems to be using him and all that. But saying you can only spend money at CVS on Plan B is idiotic.
ETA: You are also the AH for only asking guys about spending habits. What would any of them know about how women spend money and on what? ######
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For the past few months I’ve been going on a few (okay lots) of Tinder dates. I’m single minded and I’d like to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. One specific date I went on upset a few of my friends and they’ve since started calling me “Uber”.
I invited a gentleman to meet me for a drink. We’d been chatting for a few days and I was jazzed for this one, got a bottle of wine at a bar, some cheese, the whole thing. He arrived and we talked for about an hour. I told him to get all his stuff we were going somewhere else. So I took him outside the restaurant and told him he was a great guy, didn’t do anything wrong, and that I wished him well but I didn’t really feel any attraction towards him. I also told him that this was the best place to get an Uber and that I was going back inside.
A few of my friends think that was harsh and that I should have finished the date and then texted him about it later. Some of my friends appreciated it and said that they would want the same honesty. For the record, he said okay and I never heard from him again.
I’ve done this with a few dates with minor changes and I think I’m doing the right thing! I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, including my own. So am I an asshole? ######
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YTA
Tell him whenever you like, but escorting him out of the restaurant like you were continuing the date was a nasty move. If you’re not on a date together anymore, he gets to decide on his own when to leave. ######
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My (f30) brother (40) met his wife (38) in college, they got married 10 years ago and now have two kids (f8 and m6). I never liked her much because I’ve always felt she’s just with him for his money, and I’ll explain why. They both finished their degrees but she never got a job out of it, he did. He earns a good salary but she has never worked to contribute to their household. Then they had kids and she would use the kids as an excuse to why she couldn’t work, which is whatever, but my niece and newphew are in school now and all she does during the day is go to yoga with her friends, and get her nails and face done. Me, on the other hand I’m a single mother of a 3 year old and work as well.
The other day we were on a family zoom call and brothers wife said “I’m so stressed right now” or something like that and it annoyed me so I said “I’m working and have a child to look after on my own what do you have to be stressed about?” Everyone went silent and my brother ended his call on the end. My Mom and Dad told me I was out of line but I explained that she is using my brother for his money so she can sit there and look pretty, they said they some what agree but it isn’t their business, well he is my brother and I care about him.
My brother sent me a text saying that until I apologise he doesn’t want me to around him, his wife or their kids.
I don’t see why I have to apologise just because I told it how it is.
AITA? ######
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YTA
Sounds like you are jealous of her. And you don't know what's going on in their lives, for all you know they could be having a health scare or just struggling with Covid, like most of us are! ######
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I am honestly so heart broken right now. I can’t believe this is actually happening.
​
I’ve been dating my ex for 3 months. The last month we had multiple arguments and I decided to break up with him. None of us were really hurt by it since he also stopped having feelings for me.
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1 week after I broke up with him my friend started dating. I can’t believe this is happening. She always had a crush on him and she told me this before I even started dating him so it’s obvious she waited all this time for me to break up with him so that she could ask him out. What kind of friend is this? I got so upset and I told my other friends about her and asked them to stop talking to her.
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I am not mad at my ex boyfriend at all, but I’m pretty upset with my friend. I would never do something like this to her, and to date him 1 week after I broke up with him? Well I think thats fucked up. Not only that but she recently texted me telling me to stop spreading bullshit things about her and her boyfriend and that I have no rights to complain about it since I also started dating 3 days after I broke up with him. But this is not the same thing. I am dating somebody that she does not know but she is dating my EX. We had a massive argument and she blocked me everywhere. I am now posting about her and letting people know what a shitty person she is for doing this to me and I am also doing this here.
​
Please help me and let this post gain traction. Let her see how many strangers believe she is an asshole. Please upvote this and help me get this message to her. If I couldn’t give her the wake up call you guys do it instead. Unless you believe I am the asshole then in that case I would love to hear your thoughts about it. ######
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YTA
Soooo... before you even started dating him, your friend told you up front that she had a crush on him. And YET you chose to hook up with him and cut her out. Did she badmouth you online when you basically jumped on her crush? Or did she do the respectful thing and keep her mouth shut? Sounds like she did the latter.
So now you've broken up. You've moved on to somebody new in a mere 3 days. And yet can't stand the idea that your friend is now dating him. Why is that? Did you not swoop in before her when you knew full well she held a crush?
Seems to me she's the better friend. Kept her mouth shut when you burned her. And now that the tables have turned, your first reaction is to burn her. WTF is wrong with you?
She's obviously been a friend who gives, while you on the otherhand are just a person who pretends to be a friend as long as you can take and get your way. Shame. ######
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Yesterday while I was taking it easy in the backyard with a beer, my son (17) standing by the backdoor and ask what’s for dinner, I didn’t feel like cooking anything. I had got a good price on Boston Butt, so I told him to take that.
Later I noticed that he hadn’t touched it, so I went to his room to ask him. He said that he made a hamburger and fries instead, when I asked why he didn’t reply, so I had to repeat myself. he quietly said “too bloody”.
That’s something he have kept saying ever since he needed five stitches a few years ago, I’m tired of him using that argument whenever he sees a little bit of blood, he even walk away on movie nights if it comes up in a scene. So I told him that he needs to stop using that argument, that the pig is already dead and won’t feel anything. Since he didn’t say anything I asked how long he is going to keep it up. He started to cry so I just left.
The thing is, I told some friends about it and they got angry at me, saying how insensitive I was. But he still eats meat, so I don’t see how he could get so upset about seeing a little bit of blood.
So, am I the asshole? Or do my son need to stop using that argument? ######
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YTA
So, let’s get this straight, your son has an issue with seeing blood that has been ongoing and originated with his injury. Instead of talking with him, seeking some counseling, or trying to explore why your son is in pain, embarrassed, and avoiding normal parts of his former life, you choose to just tell him to “get over it”. Don’t you think he would have gotten over it if it was just that easy?
Why did he get stitches instead of just getting over the injury originally? Was it because he needed some help to get better?
Well, now he probably needs some help to get better about this! ######
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Throwaway account.
So, the other day I was doing a group video call with 4 of my friends. One of them adds his girlfriend to the chat, and at one point she comments that she’s been feeling a little rundown lately.
I laughed and joked that she’d probably feel better if she ate normal food instead of bat soup. Everyone else laughed, but she got really quiet and said it wasn’t funny. I tried to explain the joke (she looked Asian, the virus came from wild animal markets, etc etc) but that just made her more upset and she eventually made an excuse and left.
a week later we had another group call and I noticed the girlfriend isn’t there, so I mentioned it to my friend. He kept dodging the topic so eventually I straight up asked if his girlfriend was still upset from last week. Then he got really angry and said that of course she still was, because she was born in Beijing and was hurt that I would make a “racist” joke and not apologize.
Well that made me upset because I’m about as far as you can get from racist, and I told him his girlfriend was blowing things way out of proportion. Its not like I knew she was born in China. If I had to guess I would’ve said she was Japanese or even half Asian/Caucasian mix. And I’m hardly the first person to make a corona joke, so I think it’s unfair for everyone to suddenly be on my case when there’s plenty of other people being applauded for telling the same joke. ######
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YTA
So you made a racist comment because:
>(she looked Asian, the virus came from wild animal markets, etc etc)
And you're wondering if you're the asshole? What a douche. ######
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Throw away account because my family is on reddit.
On my cell so please ignore any spelling/grammar
Afternoon Assholes,
Some background, my husband & I decided this January that we were going to try to have our first baby. My sister (who is in a lesbian relationship) has also been trying for a baby for about two years, but in October of 2019 her & her partner got licensed to be foster parents.
The whole family was so happy for them when they got their license and so was I. Now they’ve had about 5 or 6 temporary placements & 1 permanent placement who they’ve had since she was 2 and she’s now 3.
3 weeks ago we found out we were pregnant with our first child! We’ve told our families and they are so so so thrilled! But since we’ve found out my sister has been giving us tons of unnecessary advice & every time It begins with “well we learned with this kid that....” This pregnancy so far has left me very emotional and it irritates the hell out of me when she brings up the past children instead of asking me about my real child.
Well, it came to a head yesterday when she brought me some old bottles without asking if I wanted them. She said “well 3 year old doesn’t use them anymore & we don’t plan on having anymore little little babies since X was placed....” I didn’t want her old *used* bottles & I didn’t want any of the advice she brought with those bottles. So I calmly said to her;
“I’m about to be a REAL mom. I don’t want any of your hand-me-downs”
Apparently she told the whole family that and now I’ve been fielding phone calls from my Mom all day about how selfish that was & how I’m being a brat. But it’s true. She isn’t a real mom & she doesn’t ask or act like she wants to know what my newborn will need once he/she is born.
So am I the asshole for pointing out that my sister doesn’t have any real kids? Or should I just let her give me the old bottles? ######
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YTA
Small point to start off with:
> I didn’t want her old used bottles
You know you can *clean* things right? Or do you just smash your plates after every meal and buy new ones?
Onto the major point:
> “I’m about to be a REAL mom. I don’t want any of your hand-me-downs” ... But it’s true. She isn’t a real mom & she doesn’t ask or act like she wants to know what my newborn will need once he/she is born.
She has helped raise children. *Vulnerable* children. She has actual parenting experience. How dare you say she isn't a real mum. She is trying to help you out and engage you in general mum-type discussions. What do you think she should be asking about your child who isn't here yet and so doesn't have any demonstrable needs?
> 1 permanent placement who they’ve had since she was 2 and she’s now 3.
So she is their daughter? Because they are her mothers? Pray tell, do you not consider adoptive parents to be "real parents"? And do you think their children aren't their "real children"? Because that undermines many families across the world who are a hell of a lot more loving than you seem to be.
> my Mom all day about how selfish that was & how I’m being a brat.
Your mum is on the money with this one. And hey, by your definition she is a "real mum", so she knows what she's talking about. More than you do, since you are yet to have any experience (real or otherwise) raising kids. ######
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I am a fourteen year old guy.
My birthday is in sixteen days, and my mom is asking for birthday ideas. (Where we should go, what I want, etc)
It’s quite obvious I can’t go to the local amusement park like I wanted. Last year, instead of asking for a gift, I asked if a friend and I could go there. It was really fun, so I wanted to go again. But, like I said, that’s obviously out of the picture.
I told my mom a while back, that for my birthday, from all my family, I only wanted one of two things.
Either a cat, or a dirt bike.
I specifically told her if I got a cat, I’d pay adoption fees, I’d take care of it, and id pay for its food.
And if I got a dirt bike, it didn’t have to be expensive. It could be a used one that’s seconds from falling apart, as long as it worked.
Well, it was a no to both.
She keeps telling me that if I don’t make up my mind for other birthday ideas, I’ll get nothing.
Every time I show mild interest in something, she pretends like I worship and want twenty of them.
She finds every chance she can to push the cat or dirt bike topics out of the picture.
She keeps suggesting I ask for a game, or gaming console, but I don’t want something that will stop me from going outside.
TL:DR; Mom won’t get me one of the two presents I want despite the fact I said I’d help pay for most of them even though they aren’t that expensive in the first place. ######
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YTA
Simply put dude, dirt bikes can be tough to find reliable and affordable. With pets, there is a lot of care that goes into them, even for cats. Perhaps your mom has reason for the cat like your place of living doesn't allow them or maybe she doesn't like them. Yes its your present but she still has to deal with the pet. ######
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The title says it. My fiance wants to open another account for "safety" when i asked her to give me more details about it she said that in case something happens she has savings.
At first i thought it was weird since we already have plenty of money and we have been saving together for a while now but then i looked it up a bit on the internet and noticed that many women make saving accounts in case of a divorce.
When i confronted her about it she admitted that if something happens at least she has the money and that i could do the same too. She also added that having saved money isn't a bad thing and that i shouldn't be upset with it.
The thing is i'm upset because she doesn't believe in us if she is saving for a potential divorce, what's the point in marrying then ? we got into a fight to which i stopped replying for a few days.
When i came back she said i was an asshole for shutting her down like this, that i purposely don't understand where she's coming from. Now she wants to take a break.
So Am i the asshole ? ######
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YTA
Simply having your own bank account for savings doesn't mean she doesn't believe in you. But the fact is you can never predict how relationships will turn out. It's not like that money is going anywhere if you two go the distance, but in the event that things do go south she'll have her own little nest egg to keep her going while she sorts things out.
You don't buy insurance because you expect something to go wrong: you do it just in case something does so that it doesn't cause an unforeseen circumstance to affect you even more badly.
The fact that she's encouraging you to do the same also points away from it being simply a case of her saving for a potential divorce; if she trusted you so little to expect that things won't work out, she would probably have kept the account a secret from you entirely. ######
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Throwaway etc.
We don’t live together but I spend nearly 5 nights a week at his place which is a lot bigger and nicer than mine. I live with roommates so it’s not as convenient for him to come over.
So recently every time he realizes I’m on my period he’ll change ALL of his bed sheets to a much cheaper set of sheets. I asked him why and he said it’s to prevent getting blood on his nice white high count sheets. I was really offended. In the year we’ve been dating I’ve maybe bled on his sheets 4-5 times? That’s four nights out of over 200 nights together.
I told him he’s being insanely rude and that normal women bleed on sheets, it’s inevitable when you’re on your period. He said he doesn’t care and unless I’m ok sleeping on towels he’ll continue to change his sheets. I think he’s being an absolute child and am considering this to be a dealbreaker (it’s pissing me off that badly).
AITA to get pissed off at this? I told him blood isn’t toxic and throwing sheets into the laundry is effective every time. ######
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YTA
Sheets are expensive and it’s not like he’s shaming you. He’s changing the sheets himself and everything. Are you that intent on bleeding on his nice, expensive sheets? Are you willing to pay to replace them? ######
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Clear throwaway, I’m bored at work so I wanna post this issue I had with my gf last year, as it caused a bit of a divide amongst friends who had different opinions on the subject.
I’m from Chicago, a 19 year old male, and have been going to a certain very popular music festival in the city. Such a bummer we won’t have any festivals this year, but it is what it is.
This is pretty self explanatory from the title but I’ll get into it a bit. Last year I went with a group of friends including my girlfriend and we stayed in a hotel. My gf was one of those girls who wanted to go to the festival in shorts and a bra as her shirt. I wasn’t a big fan of it when she came out of the bathroom in the hotel room in her outfit. First I didn’t feel like 5 of my guy friends needed to see my gf in just her underwear. I also don’t mean to sound like a square, and I’m not saying I want my gf to dress like a nun, but I didn’t feel it was a ridiculous ask to want her to atleast have a shirt on.
I told her politely that I didn’t love her outfit choice, and she just brushed me off and called me a jerk. She hit me with the classic “ I wear bikinis what’s the difference” and I tried to explain myself and she wasn’t having any of it. We were pregaming in the hotel for about an hour and I was being a bit distant from her. Distant enough to where she threw a top on because she “didn’t want to argue throughout the day”. I thanked her and that was it with that.
It was fine until some of her friends called me an asshole for “making her change” which she did on her own. They just went on to me about how they’d never let a boyfriend dictate what they wear to a concert. My guy friends were more on my side, claiming they wouldn’t have loved it either. Am I the asshole in this situation? ######
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YTA
She's right...what's the difference to a bikini?
Also...you do not own her, she is not your property, you don't get to control what she does or how she looks
It is entirely up to her what she wears. ######
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Dating for 5 and a half years, living together for 2.
My girlfriend and I both work. I work a standard 9-5 mon-fri while she works 3 days a week, around 45 hours and studies from home for the moment due to the pandemic. So she's home 4 days a week, so obviously she cooks dinner. What's driving me nuts is that she won't cook meat.
If I say I want curry for dinner, she'll make a vegetable and tofu curry. Pasta? All vegetables. And before you ask, she's not vegetarian. She just doesn't like touching meat and wants to be more "sustainable" (she drives a car) and tells me that if I want meat I need to cook it myself. Wtf?? I work 5 days a week. The way I see it is that whoever is staying home all day should cook dinners. Why should I work 8 hours just to come home and cook? All my colleagues bring in leftovers of spaghetti and meatballs or beef stew and I get fried rice and orange tofu, and when my colleagues see they ask when I'm going to grow my man titties because soy is full of women hormones or whatever. I'm sick of it.
AITA?
TLDR: Gf won't cook meat. I want steak. ######
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YTA
She works a full time job and studies, you also have a full time job, so the work load should be equal and you should be cooking too, not just her
You should be grateful that she willingly cooks for you, and hasn't called you out on not contributing. If you are that desperate for meat, take over cooking
Also:
>and when my colleagues see they ask when I'm going to grow my man titties because soy is full of women hormones or whatever. I'm sick of it
Your girlfriend should cook something she feels uncomfortable touching because your collegues are mocking you? How about you grow up, stand up for youself and cook your own food? ######
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My wife and I have been together for five years, married for three. Everything in our relationship is great, she’s the best partner I’ve ever had which makes this situation even harder for me. Since the start we’ve always split everything 50/50. Dates, bills, rent. I’ve never paid for her but she has paid for me sometimes even though I insist she doesn’t.
Since our marriage, things have gotten bad. I make twice as much as her but we still split everything 50/50. Leaving her with way less money than me after everything’s paid for. Because of this, she expects me to start paying fully for miscellaneous things like the Netflix, whenever we go out to movies/dinner, tickets to events. But just because I make more doesn’t mean I should have to pay for those things all by myself. I still expect her to contribute her half.
She even made a diagram showing that since I refuse to change our 50/50 rule, she’s technically contributing way more to the household financially and she cleans and cooks for the most part too so she added on that it would be easier for her mentally and financially to live on her own and pay her own bills then to continue to be with me. She says she’s unhappy and that sometimes in relationships it can’t be 50/50, people have to pick up the slack to make the marriage happier. But why does it have to be me? Aita for not wanting to change our 50/50 rule? She’s asking to pay 30% of the rent and bills instead of 70%. ######
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YTA
She is contributing more proportionately to the household.
She's better off on her own. ######
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My wife and I have two children, 4, almost 5, and 6.
We’re expecting our third and final child in 3 weeks, her entire pregnancy was exhausting but it’s worse now that she’s closer to giving birth, she spent most of her pregnancy on bed rest as it’s high risk, it was the same with our youngest.
We had a family meal planned at ours but my wife told me she wasn’t ready for guests, I offered to stay at home but she said the children were excited so we rescheduled for the meal to happen at my mothers.
When I got there my sister asked where my wife was because apparently my mother had only told her that the meal was at hers now.
I said in a joking tone “Oh! She’s being lazy!”
When we got home my youngest went up to spend time with her mother and said “you’re lazy mummy” and then told her mother I said that, not in those exact words.
When I explained to my wife she was still angry telling me even in a joke I shouldn’t say things like that and that I’m being an asshole.
I don’t think I did anything that bad it was a joke?
AITA? ######
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YTA
She is building an entire human out of her own body's energy and resources and you're calling her lazy? Holy shit man. ######
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Ok, so I have a few different properties just all over the place, most of them are empty or I rent them out for next to nothing (I’m not big on the idea of making money being a landlord). Anyway, I had a girlfriend for a short time, and things didn’t work out but I said she could live in an apartment I own for as long as she wants and all she had to do was pay the bills, as she was going through a tough time. So that’s been the case for some time now. Recently I met a man who’s been really affected by the pandemic, and is on the verge of being homeless, whereas my ex gf is making decent money now and doesn’t necessarily need the place. So I told her she has a month to move out, as I’ll be moving in this guy. Some may say, why not offer him another one of my properties to stay or something. Well this apartment happens to be the only one in the state, my other ones are either overseas or out of state (I use them for holiday purposes not rental purposes it’d be redundant to own a bunch of properties in the same area).
My ex says this is unfair of me to do during this time, and that I promised she could stay as long as she liked. Whilst I do feel guilty I ultimately think I made the right decision. ######
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YTA
She hasn't done anything to warrant being kicked out. Doing this to her contradicts you "doing something nice" for someone else. Especially in the middle of a pandemic. WTF
Also like others have said legally you may be in the wrong as well. ######
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I (20M) went for dinner with my family (parents in their 50s) right before the lockdown. Anyway, there was a fairly attractive waitress (looked to be in her 20s) serving us.
Afterwards, she left her phone number for me with a smiley face saying she found me cute.
For several reasons, I was quite irritated by this. First and foremost, my parents teased me about this which made me feel uncomfortable.
Secondly, it seems very unprofessional and personal. I am a customer, and she is the server. She doesn't know me, and this was a very forward thing to do.
I'd ideally just like to have had my food without any issues.
So after finishing i asked to speak to the manager and filed a complaint. I checked on facebook for the page of the restaurant and I saw someone leave a bad review for the place.. lo and behold it was her. She got fired.
My sister said I was an AH for doing this but I think I was well within my rights. AITA? ######
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YTA
She didn't pressure you or push it. She left her number so that the ball was entirely in your court. Instead you humiliated her and got her fired. It was a huge escalation of a minor thing. If it truly made you upset then you should have said something directly to her instead of calling over a manager and then moved on. ######
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Using an old throwaway for this. My sister is pregnant and announced the name of her baby on Facebook. She told our family group chat the gender but didn't mention anything about his name.
The problem is that it is the same name of my ex boyfriend who I dated for 4 years. We ended on pretty bad terms and my family saw the worst of it. I called my sister and confronted her about the name. She said it was on her list before I even started dating my ex, and that I should be over him by now.
That's when I started yelling at her and called her a bitch. Typically when we fight, it gets really nasty - the longest fight we had was a month. She then said i am no longer going to be her sons godmother and to not contact her anymore until she gives birth (she is only five months along)
I genuinely think that if she cared about me, she would ask how i felt before announcing it on Facebook. Its not so much the name reminding me of my ex, but the fact that she didn't even ask me beforehand. BTW the name is not very common (a cultural name) so she clearly knew how i would react
So, AITA for overreacting? I know this situation sounds petty but i just don't understand how I can be in the wrong for this. ######
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YTA
She can name HER baby anything she wants. Not your kid, not your say. Her kid has nothing to do with your breakup. Suck it up and deal. ######
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My last experience in this sub was bad but let’s try again. I (27M) have recently start working at a grocery store. My coworker (we’ll call her Kira) is pretty chill and we’ve become friends lately.
Kira loves trying new stuff with her hair and she’s had a lot of free time lately due to obvious reasons. She has been stung, bleaching, and otherwise changing her hair a lot. It’s really fried unfortunately and basically looks like straw. It’s a discolored yellowish green at the moment and she’s really unhappy with it.
She was telling me about it while we were stocking a few days ago and she asked if I think a short hair would suit her. I suggested that she just shave it off and start over given how her hair is extremely damaged and dead. She didn’t react in the moment but I later found out she was hurt. She texted one of our other coworkers about it and he told me I’d hurt Kira’s feelings.
Now I’m a pretty honest guy and usually give it to people straight. I think if a friend asks for advice you’re a bad friend if you are dishonest or sugarcoat the truth. But the thing is, I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. AITA? ######
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YTA
She asked you if short hair would suit her.
There’s four answers to that - yes, no, maybe or I don’t know.
You disregarded her question, insulted her hair and are somehow confused as to why that would be received badly? ######
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This happened a few months ago in January, and I still feel kinda conflicted over this.
I have a mutual friend let’s call H. I don’t how his guy has so many friends, he’s not a bad guy, he seems like a very naive and gullible guy but I find his personality to be quite strange. Most of his personality and interests and hobbies are based on being a fanboy. He constantly talks about how much he loves and supports FC Barcelona and Lionel Messi and is obsessed with hating on Ronaldo. He also constantly fanboys various sports teams and musicians like Billie Eilish, Eminem and Avril Lavigne. I just find it so odd that he bases his entire personality on asskissing other people.
Recently he told us he kinda developed an obsession with Taylor Swift (lol) and said how he was a Swifitie for life and flooded his social media with posts about Taylor Swift and was jamming out to Taylor Swoft songs on his headphones. I thought this was fucking cringey as hell, so I tried to humorously tell him that he was cringey and weird in a very humorous tone so it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. But I was fed up with his shit. He just laughed it off and kept doing his thing (he’s a very nice guy I can’t deny that)
WIBTA if I nicely told him that his personality was weird and that he should fix it? The reason why I find him so off putting is because his personality is e embodiment of slave mentality and being a brainwashed sheep, and I hate when people act like that ######
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YTA
OP: 'You shouldn't be such a brainwashed sheep-slave'
Also OP: 'Just change your entire personality and everything you enjoy based on my opinion'' ######
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To preface, I’m the father of a beautiful 3 year old girl whose mother and I are no longer together. Although my daughter is my world, I hope to be remarried in the future and have more children because I always saw myself having a lot of kids. The other day, I made a comment while on the phone to my friend which I honestly thought was fairly innocuous.
Growing up, my father and I always played sports together, loved roughhousing with one another, etc. I know that girls can and do enjoy this too, but I have taken psychology classes before and I know that stuff like this is more naturally inclined toward boys. I think it is polite fiction to think that there are absolutely no differences between male and female children.
While I was talking to my friend, I mentioned that if I ever was able to find someone to have another child with, I would of course love them despite their gender, but I would love to have a boy because I would have someone to throw my ball around with.
My friend called me an idiot, and told me that having a gender preference was potentially harmful, and I should rethink my priorities before trying to have another child. Personally I don’t why what I said was so wrong, AITA? ######
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YTA
OP, I hope you know that studies have shown that gender stereotyping is also linked to environmental and social factors. Although I'm only a semester away from my BA in Psychology and will be going for my PsyD shortly after, I have also taken a few childhood development classes. So I figured I'd share with you something I learned last semester (I did my term project on gender stereotyping and it's connection to toys). Sorry in advance that I couldn't link full articles. I used my school's online library database for trusted peer reviewed journal articles.
Children do not begin to perceive gender or start to identify with one or the other until around 2-3 years old when they start to develop fine motor skills, engage in pretend play, and start expressing gender stereotypical play. One of the main arguments as to why this happens is due to to social and environmental factors that influence the behaviors of children. They model themselves after us and what they see in their environment ([media](https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02435/full)\* and [literature](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-020-00686-4)\*\*). The [examples we set as parents](https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Fsgd0000242) also affect the way children perceive their gender and behavior. There is a ton of research out there to support this. What a lot of research suggests is raising children with an aschematic view in regards to gender identity while also promoting a broader sense of social and pretend play so a child isn't limited by gender stereotyping (sorry I don't have a link to this one... it was in my textbook).
Anyways, my main point is, you don't have to be a boy to like to build stuff or horse around, and you don't have to be a girl to play dress up or play with dolls. I agree that there are differences between male and female children; however, we differ in that I believe it's because we provide the context of what social norms/behaviors are in relation to gender. It all depends on what you provide your kid with that will affect their interests. If you want to foster an aschematic gender view for you daughter and support/promote **her** developing interests (which might line up with some of your own), then you could
1. Provide gender neutral toys
2. Present gendered toys neutrally (have toys geared towards either gender on hand)
3. Reserve choice for the child (let the child pick the toys they want to play with)
4. Nurture their interests
5. Open discussion about toys (what they like/dislike about a toy and why helps us understand them better)
​
\*This is taken straight from my project (they were my talking points): Media plays a large part in influencing a child’s interests. From commercials telling a child what breakfast cereal is the best to what the coolest clothing to wear is, there should come no surprise that toy ads target one gender or another. After watching several ads targeted to either a male audience or a female audience of varying ages, certain patters and themes began to appear. Common themes in commercials like these include
* Toys for boys
1. Building and construction
2. Competition
3. Action
* Toys for girls
1. Domestic work and child rearing
2. Self-image
3. Beauty
To give a somewhat neutral example of how far this goes, I found a side by side comparison of a commercial advertising the same toy but targeted towards different genders. Ironically, the advertisement was shown within a 10 minute window of each other on the same kids channel. [Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zgdj5FXOOp8&feature=youtu.be&t=13)
\*\*I found a bunch of articles talking about literature having an affect on gender stereotyping, but I went with this once since it's open access.
A fun little experiment by BBC shows that even the most open minded individuals that believe they're raising their kids with an aschematic view [still show bias](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWu44AqF0iI&feature=youtu.be&t=45). It just goes to show you that we are not perfect and it's hard not to gender stereotype our young children.
​
Edit: Thank you [/u/Cautiousin514](https://www.reddit.com/u/Cautiousin514) for the Rocket Like award! I'm glad you enjoyed what I wrote :) ######
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Ill try to make this brief.
My grandma is in her late 60s, was diagnosed with MS 40 years ago. She has difficulty speaking and holding conversations and recently has been showing signs of deterioration.
She had 18 cats when she burned her house down and 13 passed. She had to give up 3 living ones aland was allowed to keep 2 when she moved into government living facilities due to emotional support. This was 15 years ago.
Recently one of her cats passed away and the other has two paws in the grave. Im worried she will be close to follow since she so attached.
Anyhow the neighbor didnt spay the stray they let roam and its having kittens. After running the idea through my mom i decided to get one of the kittens, potty train it and get its shots, introduce it to my cats, and then give it to her.
She was super excited and asked what they looked like. At the time they were days old so all i could tell her was 2 grey and 1 black/white.
Every other day for weeks she has called and changed her mind from grey, to black...to grey...to black. And it takes her a good 10 minutes to spit out the reasons she wants X cat.
Anyways they are 8 weeks ajd the neigbor brought them over. He said i have first dibs, but a young couple wanted the 1 grey and his son really liked the black/white one.
Now this doesnt matter but the available grey one is my favorite. It looks like a little panther. I told him to let whoever wanted specifics to get their choices and i would give my grandma the 3rd one regardless.
I honestly couldn't remember the last color she landed on.
Well my gf got home and i told her and she said "im pretty sure last time she called she wanted the black one"
AITA for leaving it as is and giving her the darker grey one or whichever isnt chosen by the other two interested parties? ######
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YTA
Not for the last choice, that doesn’t matter. But please, please do not give a kitten to an elderly woman who cannot be a responsible cat owner. Kittens require so much care, and she’s already started a house fire. It’s not her fault but she cannot be responsible for another living being. ######
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So my fiancée hates her parents. They were awful people who ended up getting her kicked out of a prestigious university by having her arrested (charges were dropped but the university still wouldn't accept her readmission).
I don't think they're good people but they've recently been trying to make amends but my fiancée won't answer the phone or agree to visit them and they don't want to show up unannounced.
So I've been taking the calls and trying not to completely burn that bridge. Her parents have money and they seem to genuinely want to make amends. They're willing to take culpability and try and let the past be the past.
Me being the eternal softy that I am tries to see the best in everyone so I'm a little biased but it's not like they just want to say they've changed. They've made consistent effort to reach out and apologise and are understanding of why she won't answer their calls.
Anyways our daughter (12) was recently diagnosed with leukemia and we have a lot of medical bills piling up along with student debt and the mortgage. Couple all of that with us both being out of work and not getting enough from unemployment to pay for half of our bills even it's been a difficult time.
So I went to her parents and told them we could use their help. They told me not to worry about a dime and are paying for all of our daughters medical care and have sent us food from one of those meal service plans.
I decided to tell my fiancée that I went to her parents for the help and she freaked out. She wanted me to decline the help! I told her I couldn't do that and if she wanted to tell her parents to stop helping us she had to do that herself because I wouldn't.
I've never seen her more pissed off before in her life and we've been together for 14 years. AITA? ######
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YTA
Not for accepting help, but for not communicating any of it with your fiancée. This should have been a decision made between the both of you, not just one person.
It's great and all that you've been talking to them, but lets be real, it's only for the money is it not? I get that times are tough and it seemed like a really good option but in your fiancée's mind, you basically made a black market deal to pay your bills. ######
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Me (28F) and my gf (26F) had been planning of getting married (as soon as the quarantine ends), but because of an argument we had these plans are on hold.
First some backstory. My MIL is very homophobic and tries to undermine my marriage every chance she can get. When we are with her, she barely interacts with me, only acting with disgust anytime she does. Even so, my gf still loves MIL for some reason. I tried before suggesting that we should go no contact with MIL, but my gf refused, stating that MIL was a nice person, she just had her faults.
Last night my gf and I got into a massive argument over the fact that my gf wanted MIL to attend the wedding and I did not. For context we were both fairly drunk, earlier we had a glass of wine with supper. We were talking about nothing in particular when we started talking about the wedding. My gf stated how she was looking forward to it, how she could not wait to see MIL on her big day. I, rather rudely I may add, shot her down, telling her that there was no way that I would allow MIL at our wedding. She would just ruin it with one of her homophobic rants. My gf starting to go on one of her dumb speeches, trying to justify MILs homophobic behaviour by saying that deep down MIL is actually a nice person. Now, it might have been the wine speaking, but I had enough. I started to scream at my gf, telling her to shut up, to start trying to justify a homophobe's actions. I was not going to let her misplaced loyalty to her family ruin our wedding. My gf starting ugly crying and ran out of the house, screaming incoherently at me as she got into her car.
Later I tried calling her, but she would not respond. I have heard from others that she is staying at a friend’s house. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to lose her over a stupid argument. Reddit, am I the asshole? ######
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YTA
Not because of the wedding but because you disagreed over something so you started screaming at your fiancée? Seriously? How is that in any way the right thing to do?
I get that you don’t like your MIL, but you do realise that if you carry on behaving like this you don’t need to worry about her, because you won’t have a wife? ######
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Well the issue arose when My boyfriend found those texts out.We have each others know codes for emergencies and all and it wasn't an issue until he brought this up and the only way he could've known is if he went through my texts . it showed that he didnt respect my privacy. However the texts were just me and my friend talking about our sex lives and she asked if I was satisfied and I made a comment on his dick being smaller than my ex's and sometimes i didnt even have fun and that was literally It. My boyfriend is pissed at me. And sad . he told me I could talk to him and I told him he had no right to go through my texts like that. So AITA? ######
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YTA
Normally I'm one of those people who thinks that snooping in someone's phone is so egregious it automatically makes them the asshole.
You however, have actually done something that is such a dick move that it overrides my normal phone snooping response.
*Do not shit talk to your friends about your boyfriend's dick and sexual performance*
Have a problem with your sex life? Figure out how to fix it. Don't go gossiping about his penis size. ######
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My boyfriend and I have had conflicts recently because of my singing. I sang for him once. Last week I asked him why he never asks me to sing. He said you can sing if you want. It felt like he wasn’t that into it.
Then a few days ago I mentioned to him again he never asks me to sing. I would’ve thought he would’ve wanted to hear my singing. He said you can sing if you want, I’m not against it. He clearly was uninterested in my singing. That really upset me and I’ve been crying and feeling bad about myself.
I’m trying to work out why. I guess music is a large part of my life since I’ve enjoyed singing and taken lessons from an early age and the one time I did sing, I told him I was expressing my feelings for him through music. So it felt like a rejection.
After that it’s not that I wanted to ignore him out of spite, but I just felt terrible and couldn’t bear to talk to him. I messaged him last night with a picture I’d drawn for him and he then asked me to sing. He said he wouldn’t be able to sleep if I didn’t sing, but he just wanted to make me feel better. I told him I’m not going to sing any more even when I’m alone. Today I’ve texted him a few times but don’t read his responses because I’m terrified he’ll say I’m awful at singing again.
I am too hurt to have an actual conversation. Am I being terrible? ######
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YTA
My partner is the lead singer in a band. And while I think he's a great singer I dont request that he sing for me. That's pretty strange. He'll occasionally ask me to listen to something he's working on and get my opinion. But I wouldn't ask him to perform just for me.
I don't think your boyfriend has any problems with your singing. It certainly doesnt seem like he dislikes it. But most people aren't going to request private performances. If you want to sing for him just do it that's fine. He'll probably enjoy it. Just don't expect him to ask. ######
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The title says it all really. My son (16) got angry at us for allowing his sister who is twelve to have more digital freedom (more screen time, less content blocking, less privacy checks) because she gets better grades than he does. He believes it's favouritism, which I disagree with, as it's the me and my husband get to make the rules until he moves out. He proceeded to stalk off and slam the door, which is when I told him if he does it one more time I'll send him to live with his grandparents (my parents). He started crying and slammed the door again and so I told him he would be going there tomorrow. He started screaming at me, and telling us how betrayed he felt, but I told him he made the decision to slam it so he has nobody but himself to blame. He swore at me for the first time that I can remember and I'm beyond furious, but my sister thinks I'm being unreasonable. Is she right? ######
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YTA
My mom did this shit to my brother all the time. She threatened to drop him off at orphanages, send him to our Dad, kick him out. Eventually he left. He does not speak to her. It's been over a decade and she did it to herself. This is your son. Stop acting like he's disposable. ######
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The title says it all. My wife has very visible acne scars. Obviously, I love her all the same, and I find her stunningly beautiful - but ofc I'd prefer her without the scars. I never told her that because she can't make them go away and it'd be pointlessly rude, of course.
When we go out, my wife wears some makeup, and we're typically only together at home in the evening, but we're currently both confined at home. I barely notice her scars in the artificial lights of our home, but they're far more visible in the pale light of the sun. In the day with all windows open it looks like that: https://images.app.goo.gl/mvcHphVRiBuFBCf97
Ive taken the habit to keep curtains closed and the lights turned on instead. She loves it and asks for it sometimes because it "feels cozy". I didn't tell her my reasons to do it in the first place, but neither of us minds.
I mentioned it to my sister lately without thinking much of it. She freaked out and said I'm awful and that it means I hate my wife's "true appearance". I think of it as me choosing a flattering light rather than one that makes her less beautiful than what she can look like. What do you think? ######
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YTA
My god. Why would you marry a woman when you prefer her face to not look like her actual face?
I feel so bad for you poor wife. She deserves so much better.
Edit:
Your edit is...wow. Let’s give you a medal for marrying a woman with acne scars, shall we?
What a brave soul to look past her scars despite being a “man” that was born to love “good looking things” apparently.
Fucking hell. You reek of chauvinism. ######
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Ok so to begin this let's just call my mom and stepdad my parents because that's easier and almist correct anyway. My parents are in their 30s so it's not unexpected that they still do it.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night at like 01 or something. I didn't check but it was late. I obviously got out of my room and while walking by my parents room our cat started scratching tveir door.
I opened it for the cat but the cat didn't wanna go and instead hesitated. The lights were out in their room but I did feel like something was off. Soon after I heard my stepdad saying: "Close the fucking and let me have some privacy to fuck my wife. You always stay up late and walk in so I don't have any privacy in my own room!"
I apologized and pushed the cat in with my foot and got the glass of water and went back to my room and to sleep. ######
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YTA
Mild, you know why. But let me tell you, people continue to fuck well into their 80s, so also don't linger in grandma's bedroom at night. ######
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My girlfriend (21f) and I (20m) have been together about 6 months now. I met her at university but live about three hours away in a really small town. She was visiting at the time lockdown happened, so has been staying with my family and I. It’s been great and my family love her.
With restrictions being eased, my home friends decided to have a socially distanced catch up by a lake behind my friends house. They told me to bring my girlfriend so they could meet her for the first time. We get there and it’s great catching up with them, they’re loving my girlfriend and we’re a bit drunk. We decide to go on a bit of a walk by the lake and for a laugh I decide to push my girlfriend in. The lake isn’t deep at all so the fact she can’t swim isn’t even something I thought about. She struggled a bit before getting out. She seemed unbothered and laughed, until we got home.
My mom picked us up as it’s a half an hour drive and we were both drunk. She hardly said a word to me in the car so when we got back to the house I asked her what was going on. She started crying and asked why I tried to embarrass her like that. I was confused and told her it was just a joke and she got pissed off and decided to sleep in the spare room. AITA? ######
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YTA
Man, what a douchy thing to do. I can really imagine her feeling unbelievably panicked, terrified while falling into the water (especially if she didn't know how deep it is) and totally embarrassed and hurt by your actions.
She's supposed to be able to trust you, and it was in front of people she is meeting for the first time. Really mean. ######
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It’s getting into summer now and (lockdown permitting), my 13 year old son likes to see his friends for sleepovers at their houses (and sometimes they come and stay at our place)?
My son can’t get to sleep in pajamas (he says they’re too restrictive), so he just sleeps in his boxers and shirtless, which is what I had assumed most boys his age did. They’re the Calvin Klien ones which aren’t revealing at all.
Recently one of the mothers of one of his friends brought it up and said my son was being a bad influence by sleeping ‘half naked’. I really don’t see the problem....? But I think her issue might have been that they have girls as well as boys.
Should I be buying pajamas specially or telling him to take off his clothes when he gets into bed? This seems to all have been blown out of proportion.
We are quite a liberal family ######
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YTA
Liberal in your own home is fine. Expectations that whatever goes at yours is acceptable in *someone else's home*, not fine.
If he is sleeping at someone else's house, he should follow their rules (not yours).
It's not unreasonable to expect a 13 year old to wear more than just boxers *at someone else's house.*
Buy him some pyjamas. ######
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I (50M) and my wife(45F) have a daughter (16f). A few months ago she was kicked out of school for involving in a fight with a fellow classmate. We tried to send her to counselling , but she refused. She has been repeatedly rude to us for not fault of ours. We did not even ground her after she was kicked out of school.I told her that if she continues with her behavior , i would sell her cat. She complied for a while . But again last week she started insulting us and picking up a fight with us. I had enough. I sold her cat ,while she was at a friends house.If i didn't i would have undermined my own authority. When my daughter found out , she went to stay at her grandparent's house(my parents). They shouted at me for selling her companion , who she had since 7 years. AITA for selling the cat? My wife and her parents agree that , this was the best thing to do. ######
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YTA
Let's get this straight, you completely failed at disciplining your child in more conventional and constructive ways, not even grounding her after she got kicked out of school for fighting.
So then to overcompensate you turned the dial to 11 and got rid of a beloved pet?
If this is in anyway demonstrative of your parenting ability, I'm not surprised she has behavioural issues, and you're an asshole simply for being this bad at raising your kid. ######
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So first of all its fine that my husband likes the color rainbow and I have no doubt that he is straight, but I'm afraid he will be judged by random people who will most likely think he is gay and talk shit about him. I've known this since day one and I have never really cared since he only really revealed that to my family, his family and some friends . Recently he started saying that he wants to get a rainbow shirt since it looks cool to him. I said "Okay thats cool. Is it like a pajama set or something to wear around the house?" He responded with "That's something else I can get but no, need another outfit so I figured why not get one that's my favorite color. You know? I am getting tired of being secretive about what color I like, who cares its a color! People who make fun of you for dumb things like that are irrelevant and not worth my time." I told him thats fine but I started trying to tell him to just get it to wear around the house or something because I don't want him to be the butt of the joke. We got into a little argument but it ended in us just not talking to each other for the rest of night. I feel really bad about that but just want him to be happy. I hate the way society works but people will definitely clown him and call him gay. On top of that he is black and that will most likely make things worse. I talked to his parents about it and they said to let him live his life and to, no offense, but not be an asshole about it.
Am I really being an asshole about this? I love him and support his beliefs but I don't want his ego and feelings damaged. ######
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YTA
Let the man wear what he wants. *His own words say it all*: "You know? I am getting tired of being secretive about what color I like, who cares its a color! People who make fun of you for dumb things like that are irrelevant and not worth my time." ######
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My boyfriend had passed away due to heath complications and I have been crying ever since. My son hasn't really shown any emotion to his passing but I thought that he was just holding it in, so yesterday I called my son downstairs and asked him to talk. I told him that he doesn't have to hold in his emotions about him passing and that it's ok to be sad, and he told me "I'm not sad" I was taken aback because he was like a father figure to my son. I asked him why and he said "I mean it's sad he passed away but I don't really feel affected by it" I told him that he was like a father to him and that he should be very upset and he said that he didn't think of him like a father figure just because he lived in our house. I yelled at him for and said "Is that really all you think of him he would try to be the best father figure for you and you say these disrespectful things, I told him to go to his room and we haven't spoken since then. My friend had called me asking how I was holding up and I told her what happened and she said that she agreed with my son with her saying "He doesn't have to be sad" so reddit AITA? ######
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YTA
Just because you thought he was like a father figure doesn't mean your son saw him that way. And he shouldn't be punished for not being sad about him passing away. I'm so sorry for your loss OP but don't punish your son because your trying to project your grief onto him. ######
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So this past week it was that time of the month again. Sometimes mine are really bad and last more than a week. It was that way this time. Well my husband had been in the bathroom for a really long time. I knocked and he said he’d be out soon. I tried to open the door and to my surprise it was unlocked. I walked in at was a little disgusted at what I saw. He was touching himself. He quickly stopped when I opened up the door. I was shocked and asked him what he was doing. He looked really embarrassed and said “I think you know already.” I told him this was unacceptable and just gross for him to do this, especially behind my back. He assured me that he wasn’t watching porn, and was instead looking at pictures of me while doing it. Nonetheless I still said that I didn’t like him doing this and requested that he stop immediately. He agreed, but has yet to be normal around me since then. He seems to be very embarrassed. In my point of view, I believe what I said and did was completely warranted. But with his reaction, I wanted to see what other people’s opinions were on this. Did I handle this the wrong way? Was I being an asshole? ######
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YTA
Just because you are in a relationship with someone, doesn’t mean you get to dictate whether or not they masturbate.
This seems like very controlling behavior. ######
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So some context, me (26m) and my gf(25f) were talking tonight about her childhood. She was watching a video on childhood ptsd and I was kind of eaves dropping in on it.
Now she had an awful childhood filled with abuse of various kinds. She’s always seemed rather tolerant to life despite this and seems to be indenial about how it must effect her as an adult.
So I thought it would be a good idea to open her up on the topic on if she thought she had ptsd from it. She expressed concern that she sometimes feels emotionally detached from most of it, and wonders why it didn’t cause her more issues. I personally think thats just creating an emotional block, and that she must have something going on internally she won’t confront or lies about.
She didn’t like me insisting that she must have something deeper inside of her. And she said she’s not bothered by not being a part of her moms life cuz she dealt with it a long time ago. It didn’t seem like she wanted to get more involved with discussing what was wrong with her, so I’ll admit I DID continue to press buttons to see if she would talk more.
This concerns me because I will probably have a child with her one day and who knows what she’s capable of after being in a family like hers... and acting like she’s fine. So i told her ‘Well if we have children one day and you ever act like your mother to them or lay a finger on them, I will leave and not allow them in your life.’ And that finally struck a chord in her and she got upset with me for saying that.
I don’t think I’m the asshole because I was stating my opinion on the matter, and trying to help her. She thinks I’m an asshole for trying to summarize her experience, and that making the comment about children was uncalled for and felt insulting.
AITA? ######
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YTA
Jesus fucking Christ, you're not her therapist. It's not your place to open her up to try to diagnose her and "press buttons" attempting to saw open an emotional wound when she's giving you clear signals she doesn't want to talk about it. I am horrified by your behavior here. And then, without ANY indication that she would be abusive to her own children, you accuse her of being capable of that, which is probably the most hurtful thing you could accuse her of?
Boy, I hope you're a troll and there isn't someone out there antagonizing abuse victims like this. ######
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I (18f) has a boyfriend “Ed” (18m) who has a childhood friend “Kate” (18f) who he’s always hanging out with. Kate is friends with almost all of his friends, and lives next door to Ed, so she was almost always around while Ed and I were dating. I got jealous of her. She knows Ed a lot better than I did, is friendlier with his family than I was, and all of his friends liked her a lot better than me.
I told Ed I was jealous, and he reassured me that I didn’t need to be. Every time I told him I was jealous, though, he seemed to be getting more and more pissed about it, to the point where if I mentioned Kate, he asked what I was going to be jealous of her for this time. He basically became a dick anytime I mentioned Kate.
Ed and I had a movie date planned, and Kate was set up to watch Ed’s 9 year old brother for the evening. While we were watching the movie, Kate came over and told Ed that his brother had a pretty high fever, and asked what he wanted her to do about it. I got pissed because it’s just a fever, she should know what to do about it, and I told her off. I told her to look it up online if she was really that dumb, and that she needed to stop trying to insert herself into every situation Ed was in. Ed got pissed at me, and told me that I needed to shut up. He told Kate to bring his brother home, and told me that our date (and relationship) was over. When I asked why, he told me that he couldn’t date someone who was “this” jealous over his friend, and that I was just being a cunt. I told him that I wouldn’t be a cunt if he weren’t probably fucking Kate behind my back.
He and Kate both got mad, and I got kicked out of the house.
AITA for telling my boyfriend he was fucking his friend behind my back? ######
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YTA
It’s pretty normal for a babysitter to contact the family when a child that wasn’t sick becomes sick. You turned that into her being stupid. Then you turned your bf being reasonable into him fucking her.
You’re insecure and your ex bf is a hero for not putting up with your shit. ######
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Right so here goes - I'm 17 M and I live at home with my parents and my younger sister.
It was my Dad's birthday a few days ago and he turned 55. My mum was joking around about him being old and my Dad said something like "yeah well in two years you'll be 50" as like a joke as well. And that's when it hit me that my mum is 7 years younger than my Dad.
I know it sounds dumb cos like I always knew their ages but I never really put it together, but they're 7 years difference between them. And I know they got together when my mum was young, like 18 or 19 so my dad was like 26 or whatever, which is only a year and a bit older than I am, and the thought of getting with someone in their late 20s is just gross and weird.
So I kinda flipped out and basically said like their relationship was a bit gross and like unusual.
I also feel annoyed because I'm 17 and my Dad is 55 and it's like, my mum chose to get with an older guy and give me an older dad. It's never gotten in the way of anything like he's always been quite active and fit but it annoys me that I could've had a younger Dad like most people.
Anyway my parents are a little upset with me but I feel like I wasn't accusing them of anything, I was more just surprised and think it's a little unusual? I don't know if I should apologise. It's bothering me a lot. Thanks.
AITA ######
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YTA
It’s ok to find it odd, or not want to have such an age gap in your own relationships, but to be annoyed that your mum didn’t “give you a younger dad” is so weird it’s actually laughable. Things were different 30-40 years ago and it clearly worked out if they’re still happily together so why make a fuss? ######
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So my friend rents a room in my house. The woman he had slept with a few times calls him up and says she just found out she's four months pregnant.
He very suddenly moved her into his room. They go to PP to get an abortion and she tells him she got an ultrasound and she is actually 7 months and can't get an abortion.
Here are some red flags:
She showed up when she was getting evicted from her place.
She has no job and no car.
She holds her stomach area, not her uterus area.
As soon as she was told she's pregnant she started having morning sickness. (3rd trimester)
No one has seen any pregnancy test or the ultrasound.
She looks incredibly small for someone who wasn't exactly skinny before.
Doesn't waddle.
Doesn't look remotely uncomfortable.
Refuses to take prenatal vitamins because she said they'll make her fat.
Hasn't seen a doctor yet.
She takes his money and goes shopping all day.
Am I the asshole for asking for proof that she's pregnant before letting her stay here?
I feel like my friend is being taken advantage of here. I don't agree with her decision to not give the baby up for adoption*, but I want to be supportive.
*to be clear neither one of them want the baby at all, but she is benefitting from keeping it. ######
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YTA
It's none of your business. If you don't want her there, and have control over who can stay or not, then evict her/them. If not, suck it up until you can get another place.
You may or may not be correct about this. Some of your reasons are valid. Others, well they frankly make you sound like a very young, uninformed person who doesn't understand how pregnancy works. Not every pregnant woman waddles, looks uncomfortable, or holds her belly in a certain way.
Also, you're infantilizing your friend. He's a grown man. This is his business to handle. ######
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So around when my son was 10 or 11 I told my wife that I thought he would be gay when he was older. (Or was already gay I reckon since you are born with a sexuality.) She thought I was being ridiculous. Now I want to make sure I say, neither me and my wife are bigots, neither of us care at all if our kids are gay or straight. I just believed my son would be gay based on a lot of factors.
Finally she told me to drop it and I said okay okay, how about this? Let's bet on it. Bet $50. She kind of rolled her eyes and agreed to it.
Well lo and behold! Our son now 17 came out as gay a few days ago. First of all I am very happy for him that he came out, and of course we told him we love him and all that, but also I was over the moon that I had won the bet. After he went back to his room I just kind of looked at my wife expecting her reaction. She was like what? I was like so how about my $50 ha ha?
She had forgotten about the bet! She remembered it when I reminded her. She was just kind of like "oh brother" about it. She still has not paid me the $50. Now I know it might be silly but a bet is a bet. I asked her to pay up again this morning and she got really angry at me. We had a huge fight. It is causing a big interpersonal conflict between us.
AITA for wanting my $50? I mean, I called it. I deserve the money. ######
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YTA
It was a silly bet, which she probably thought was a joke and you've made it into a whole big thing. You should have just let it go. ######
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I have a son [16M] and a daughter [15F]. In the same weekend, my son was broken up with by his girlfriend and my daughter was broken up with by her boyfriend. They were very upset. Since they were going through the same thing, they decided to be there for the other and spend more time together. They are spending all day together talking, crying, eating, watching movies, playing video games, etc. I've heard them say things like they don't need a relationship as they have each other. I think its getting unhealthy. Like they are becoming too dependent on the other. Or even trying to replace their ex with their sibling in a sense. I saw them laying next to each other with their arms around the other's shoulders. That was the final straw and I told them earlier today its enough and they both need to spend some time apart, try to be happy independent, and stop relying on the other. I sent them both to different rooms but they are begging me to let them be in the same room again. ######
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YTA
It sounds like they have a wonderful relationship and are really supportive of one another because they're going through the same experience. I think you're reading too much into this. ######
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My wife and I have a 6yo son. I grew up racing dirt bikes from the age of 5 and never stopped. My son has been asking to get one so I talked to my wife about it and she said no because it’s “too dangerous”.
Yeah you are bound to fall and break bones, but racing teaches you to not give up, and it’s a lot of fun, and my son is very interested.
I went on Friday and picked him up one and my wife is furious, she said he’s going to die on this death machine and wants me to sell it now. I don’t think it’s fair to my son to say he can’t ride but I can. So AITA here? ######
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YTA
It doesn’t matter whose opinion about dirt biking is correct, that’s not how you coparent and that’s not how you have a healthy marriage. ######
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So my friend (we'll call him Nick) has a new girlfriend (we'll call her Amy) who's a professional cosplayer. I've met her a few times and she seems nice and he really likes her. I follow Amy online (on my sort of anime fan twitter, not the one with my name on it) and she does a lot of good cosplays, so I tend to check her stuff out pretty regularly.
Yesterday, someone I follow shared a lewd cosplay photo (censored) that looked familiar. I followed the link (on my personal account) and found that it was undeniably Amy. All of her pictures were nude or semi-nude, though each was censored with promises that the full thing was on OnlyFans. So, after a brief moral quandry, I shelled out the money to subscribe to her account.
I mentioned it to a different friend on discord and he called me an asshole and a creep. The way I see it, she's selling pictures to everyone, so what I did should be fine. I'm pro-sex work and so is Nick, so I don't think he should have an issue with it, even if I wouldn't tell him I did it to his face. AMITA? ######
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YTA
If you're not comfortable with her knowing you're subscribed, then you probably shouldn't be. ######
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So I (24M) have two female friends, C (25F) and E (24F), whom I haven't seen since the plague. The three of us started to organize a small get together for the 3 of us. I suggested going to the local pool, should the weather allow it. E told me bluntly and explicitly that she's having her period at that time, but whatever, she'll sunbathe or something.
To this I replied, "wow, girl, TMI", with a few rolling eye emojis and a funny gif to signal obvious exaggeration on my part ( I don't have any problem with periods, I know it's natural, and I think I have a perfectly acceptable and understanding attitude towards it).
The girls FLIPPED. THEIR. SHIT. They started to bombard me with how much of a jerk and letdown I am, how I betrayed their trust (paraphrasing here) and the whole 9 yards. I told them that I think it is a private thing, something that doesn't have anything to do with me. For clarification, I always adjust our programs and everything when my girlfriend is on her period, and I obviously care about HER period and try to help her out whenever she needs it.
My colleague (34M) told me that I should apologize, since E told me because she trusts me, and probably wanted to avoid the awkward explanation on the side of the pool why she can't join us. However, my GF (23F) says that both E and C are drama queens and agrees with me 100%, just like my other, closest female friends (who is coincidentally also E).
In the end, E practically forced me to say sorry (despite I told her that I won't apologize, because I don't think I said anything horrible, or harsh, and I still think they blew it out of proportion), otherwise she would cancel the weekend on her part.
So, AITA for not caring about other girl's periods? ######
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YTA
If you think a woman saying "I have my period" is TMI, please don't ever get into a relationship with a woman, you won't survive the bloodshed. ######
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So, just to preface, my younger sisters (16&13 respectfully) eat all the 'normal' kinds of meat - sausages, bacon, steak, etc. However, my dad asked me to cook a stew and I'd never tried lamb's heart before (my dad has and absolutely enjoys it, so had no issue, but knew my sisters would refuse to even try it), so we told them it was normal steak. Anyway, after they'd eaten it and enjoyed it, I told them what they'd actually eaten and now my younger sister is refusing to talk to me. Am I the asshole?
It's healthier, leaner and tastes the same. Plus, my dad had no issue with it. ######
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YTA
If you knew they wouldn't eat it, that should have been a clue.
I'm all for trying new foods, but if someone doesn't want to try something you shouldn't force them too, much less lie and say it's something else. ######
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So I’m getting married July 21st
(Corona be dammed, I’ll get married if I want) and for my wedding party, I have my bestie, my future sister in law, and my little sister(14). Now I am getting married to a poc, whose family all has this brown hair. My family also has very curly brown hair( not a Afro or anything just very strong Italian genes). Everyone at my wedding is going to have brown hair, because I am only inviting close family and my best friends. I thought this was perfect, And I have dyed my hair lighter. It was supposed to be platinum but for some reason my hair just didn’t take that well and so it’s left me with this gorgeous honey color. The only problem is my sister. My sister has naturally blonde hair. And she is literally obsessed with it, she brushes it constantly. It’s this golden color and when ever she stands in the sun it looks lighter and shines. I am having a outdoor wedding, so the sun will be out. She’s gonna be one of my bridesmaids so she’ll be near me, and she just won’t fit in with the rest of the wedding party. ( I want her to get a tan too because of how pale she is but honestly she’ll probably just burn ) this will also ruin my plan to dye my hair. I asked her if she could dye her hair darker for the wedding and just dye it back after the wedding. She IMMEDIATELY got defensive, and used some pretty rough language towards me. I told her if she loved me then she’d do it and she said I guess I just don’t love you then which hurt my feelings really bad. I want her out of my wedding party but I have no other choice but to have her there because my parents are paying for my wedding and they want her there. But now they’re calling me a bitch for just wanting a matching wedding party. Thinking of just shaving her head while she sleeps lol. AITA? ######
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YTA
if this is even real
" I told her if she loved me then she’d do it" Most sentences that start with " if you loved me..." go on with some ridiculous demand. It's her hair and she gets to wear it the way she wants. You can uninvite her from your wedding if thats what you think but that would mean you love your wedding pictures and conformity more than your sister.
If you shave her head I hope she shows up to your wedding with the badly shaved head and stands out in all your photos reminding you forever what a heartless selfish person you have been. ######
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Throwaway. This took place awhile ago but the fallout is still hot. My father had health problems for the last few years and he recently succumbed to them.. During this time my brother had gotten married and was on his honeymoon.
I made the choice to be the one to inform my brother of the news. Our mother died years ago, so I am the only one left in our family that's closest to him. I told any other distant family members to refrain from letting him know until I say it's okay.
I decided in all fairness, that he should get to enjoy his honeymoon with his new wife, and I decided not to tell him until he gets back.
We had a few gatherings and then the funeral happened. Some people were wondering why my brother wasn't there and I explained the situation that he is on his honeymoon. A few people thought it was the right thing to let him enjoy it, others thought I should have told my brother, so I guess that is where the divide began.
A few days after the funeral my brother came out and I quickly texted him that our father died. He almost immediately called me up and was freaking out, understandably. I expected he would be surprised, but he sounded flabbergasted as if our father had no health problems prior to his death. I told him that this was going to happen eventually.
He asked when the funeral would be and I explained to him that we already had it and then he started screaming at me on the phone and cursing at me. I hung up on him until he could calm down.
However since then, I have made repeated attempts to call him back but he has refused my calls. I understand he has the right to be mad but he should also understand I did it so he wouldn't be stressing over what would be a happy time in his life. ######
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YTA
If the timeline worked out in such a way where you could keep this from him, but he'd get back before the funeral, I'd probably let you slide. But making him miss the funeral is pretty much unforgivable. ######
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Yesterday me and my girlfriend were talking, we got to Chinese names because I remembered how I had two friends who had the same name as me and said how I liked the system for names in China better because basically you have way more options what to name your kid.
So she said how she likes it too and how the name is often a wish the parents want to express for their child, in her case it was something her mother had hoped for her. At that point I thought it would be funny to say, that it was a shame they didn't name her 大咪咪 (which means big breasts). Which offended her and she asked if I was joking. I apologized to her and told her that I love her tiny boobs, since they really are very cute but that just made things worse. She said she'd thought I'd been joking before but that I was really calling her flat and meant it. While I did try to reassure her that she's perfectly fine and in fact stunning as she is she still holds a big grudge against me and continues being offended.
I feel like I was just making a harmless joke, so AITA? ######
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YTA
If she's perfectly fine to you, why make a joke like that in the first place? You could have made any other name suggestion, but you decided to go with 'big breasts' and honestly didn't expect it to be offensive? Nah bro, she has every right to be mad at you. ######
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So unfortunately my mother died a couple weeks ago. I am still in shock and in the process of grieving. My aunt is someone my siblings and I all love and have a great relationship with. I brought up to my siblings about how they felt having someone whom looks exactly like my mother at her funeral and we agreed we'd feel uncomfortable having her there. So we all decided to tell her if she could possibly not come to her funeral. While she was obviously disappointed she understood our decision. This all happened Friday and on Saturday morning I get a few missed calls from my Uncles and Grandmother saying how dare we tell our Aunt to not come to my mother's funeral and that we should be disgusted with ourselves. Obviously she's my mother's sister and twin and is a a part of my family, but my sisters and I already feel kind of distraught at the thought of her being there since she looks exactly like my mother. We all feel really guilty about this whole thing but can't help but be honest. So AITA for this or not? ######
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YTA
I'm very sorry for your loss. But, you have to remember that this is your mother's sister, she has known you mother her whole life, they literrally shared a womb. How would you feel if you were in her shoes and suddenly you're being told you can't say goodbye to your sibling because your presence would make other people distraught?
Your aunt will have the same face her whole life, I understand that you see your mother when you look at her, but you will not suddenly stop being reminded of your mom. They look exactly the same. In 10-20 years, it will still be the same.
Please think about other people in this situation too, it's very sad to lose a parent but you have to somehow get past that when dealing with such issues. ######
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My (36M) wife (25F) of two years is pregnant with our first-born child. We've been together for five years. She is 18 weeks pregnant right now. She's a great woman usually . Kind, loyal, and homely. However, I am scared and a bit annoyed by how reckless I've seen her be while pregnant with our child.
First of all, she insists on still doing the grocery shopping and carrying bags in from the car. She also still goes running twice a week which I've heard can be so dangerous in terms of encouraging miscarriage! She still drinks soda often even though there's caffeine in it (also harmful). She remains working even though we could get by perfectly well for the next few months on my salary. She insists on tracking the her pregnancy symptoms herself through some app on her phone, even though I have been already using a top-rated app program to monitor her progress.
All these little reckless acts are frustrating enough but what has really broke me is that last weekend she went to an event run by a friend of hers. I had warned her off it for weeks. There was absolutely no need for her to go in her condition. She went anyway and she stayed way too late and lied to me about it. I was working at the time so I didn't see her until the next day. She told me she got home at 10:30pm but I found a cab receipt in the hallway that says 1:13am. When i confronted her, she also insisted that she had been drinking non-alcoholic rosé all night but honestly I wouldn't be surprised at this point if she had been drinking alcohol too!
I flipped out and told her that I could already tell she was going to be a shitty parent and that I wished she would just listen to me. It's my kid in there! I just want things our family to be safe. She hasn't spoken to me much since and I just can't believe how bad her attitude is. Reddit, am i the asshole here?
TL;DR: Wife is pregnant. I feel that she has been reckless about our unborn child's wellbeing. AITA for flipping out on her? ######
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YTA
I'm not even gonna get into the half of it. ...exercise during pregnancy is fine at the same level prior to pregnancy unless there are negative indicators or a high risk pregnancy
Grocery shopping is fine
Working is fine ..do you expect her to give up all of her independence purely because she is pregnant. Is she stops work and you get hit by a car and can no longer work ..where does money come from then?
Your wife is an adult, nothing you have said here is reckless ..she is just still being a human while pregnant. She isn't an incubator. She doesn't cease to exist outside her role in growing this human.
Stop treating her like an imbecile.
You sound like a totally irrational person, and I'm sure being in a relationship with you while pregnant would be hell. ######
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Bit of a long story but need to post here as we are both completely convinced we are not TA in this situation.
So I went to a rave recently with a group of friends and not my GF. About a week or two after this rave I get a message on Facebook from some random girl I’ve never met or seen asking if I was the guy from *name of rave*. I said yes, because I was there, and we kept chatting a bit until I realised she had mistaken me for someone she had met there and obviously taken home to sleep with after. At this point she was being really flirty but as I know for sure I wasn’t who she thought I was - and I saw my GF right after the rave so we all know that’s true - I thought I’d continue chatting as a joke. I wasn’t flirting too much back, but when she’d flirt with me I’d acknowledge it to keep the ruse going.
So this goes on slowly for a few weeks - Not all day every day so it’s not like we’re chatting constantly - and then one day my GF and I are together and she sees a message from this girl pop up and takes my phone and it just goes off from there.
She’s angry that I’ve apparently lied to this girl and she thinks I’m trying to trick this girl in to sex (she was saying we should meet up “again” but I wouldn’t have done that as I love my GF. I was going to block her soon after that anyway). I’m telling her exactly what I’ve just written but she doesn’t think it makes it any better. She says it’s gross that I’d let this girl think we’ve slept together and I must be getting something out of that when in reality it’s just like if you get a wrong number text and fool around with that person.
Anyway, I have never been unfaithful but I did flirt with girls online at the start of our relationship and I don’t think my GF has really gotten over that, and this is just that coming up again.
So AITA ?? ######
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YTA
I was going to write out the reasons you are an asshole, but then I saw that your gf already told them to you. She's absolutely right about all of them. You are a true asshole. ######
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I'm the 33YO mother of two daughters, 8YO and 7YO. I have no problem with my children watching almost anything on Disney, Nick, and Boomerang, except I \*\*\*HATE\*\*\* a certain show about a sponge under the sea. I WILL NOT let my daughters watch it.
Apparently, 7YO has somehow been exposed to this painful cartoon and now that I won't let her watch it (no educational value, no morals, no real worth in the show, proven to actually cause issues with attention span, etc), she's currently in her room pouting and I'm needing some back up here.
AITA?
EDIT: After a half-hour of watching debate between NTA/YTA, I've decided to compromise. One episode per day, but she can't use the living room TV. ######
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YTA
I think you're an asshole for this reason: Thinking that every piece of media should be moral and teaching in an obvious way makes children who don't know how to relax because they have to internally start to criticize everything they are doing. High strung adults come out of that.
That doesn't mean watch it all day. But learning how to not need to be "on" with lessons all the time makes those lessons more benificial in my opinion. ######
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Okay I know the title sounds crazy, but here's the story.
His grandmother was recently moved into a nursing home, and we've been cleaning up her house. It wasn't nightmarish quite yet but it wasn't good either, lots of dirt, and a rat problem.
There were two recliners that were in pretty bad shape. His grandmother had had an accident while sitting in one of them, and both were filthy, damp, chewed up by the rats, etc. I said that we should throw them out, but my husband insisted that "they're good chairs!"
I thought it was gross but I left them alone while I cleaned up the rest of the house. But while the space around them was now clean, those two nasty chairs were still sitting there. I kept bringing it up to my husband, but he kept insisting that they're good chairs, they can be used or sold. But they just kept sitting there for days, and he never did anything with them.
So one day while he was at work, I dragged them outside, into the field, and set them on fire. I burned them because I knew that if I just set them outside to be thrown out, he still would insist on keeping them, maybe even bring them back in. And I didn't have a truck to move those chairs to a dump myself, so burning them had to suffice to make sure I got rid of those God-forsaken things.
When my husband got home he flipped his lid, went crazy, yelled at me that I have no respect. I can understand why he's mad, but honestly I feel like I had no choice. I kept asking him to throw them away but he wouldn't do anything with them. Those chairs were AWFUL, filthy, and didn't need to be kept sitting around the house like that, they were a biohazard. His side of the family have a history of being low key hoarders, they're always insisting not to throw certain things away "because they're still good!" But then they never use the stuff. And when it comes to actual filth, I feel like I just had to put my foot down. But idk, I do feel bad for going behind his back. AITA? ######
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YTA
I think you showed a distinct lack of care and understanding to his situation and feelings.
While I agree they were disgusting and needed to be thrown away, they weren't really affecting you yet. You had no right doing what you did and disregarding him in what was effectively just a disagreement.
Also, don't fucking burn shit like that again. Do you have any idea what chemicals they use to treat upholstery and how bad it is for the environment when burned? Dispose of it properly at the dump or with trash pickup(if possible) next time. ######
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I pay the internet bill for my household. My internet company lets me sort every Wifi- connected device we have into different profiles. My brother, sister and I each have our own profiles that I can set time limits on. Since we’ve been stuck in the house more than usual these past few months I have set time a daily time limit of 5 hours for each of us so that I don’t have to pay the crazy data overage fees. My sister and I mostly just stream a couple episodes of a show or a movie each day so we never meet our time limits but my brother has had a really hard time with it since he basically spends his entire day gaming and meets the time limit pretty early on in the day. He has asked me to extend his time limit several times so I made a deal with him that he has to clean the shared bathroom twice a week (sundays and thursdays) and I’ll extend his daily time limit to 7 hours. (For reference, my brother doesn’t help clean the house at all - and he leaves the bathroom in a disgusting state almost every time he uses it)
He agreed to the deal and did well for a week but he didn’t clean the bathroom this past sunday so I took his hours back down to 5. He ended up cleaning the bathroom today and asked me to go back up to 7 but I told him I would keep it at 5 until thursday when he can clean the bathroom again to work back up to 7, as per our deal. He is furious with me, saying that I’m being completely unfair and I heard him yelling in his room, throwing things around and slamming doors. I told him that if he kept behaving this way I would keep him at 5 hours indefinitely. I feel like my brother’s reaction is not appropriate at all and I’m thinking about adding on more chores in order for him to earn the 7 hours. Am I being a total asshole? ######
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YTA
I mean, you wrote it very well to make it look like you are super reasonable, but you are not.
You pay ONE bill in the house, likely one if the cheapest. You then decided that since you pay that bill, the internet now in some way belongs to you, and you get to decide what is appropriate for it's use.
Funny how you watching TV and movies is somehow a noble deed, but playing video games is bad behavior that needs to be moderated.
If I were your brother, I would quickly find SOMETHING to pay for that you need, and then hold that over your head.
The real assholes here are your parents, who are apparently so proud of their child for paying a bill that they allow him to act like an adult, even though it is obvious that he is not ######
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I have two daughters from a previous marriage, a 6 year old and a 4 year old. Their mother and I separated when my oldest was 2. I don’t see them very often because I work a lot so I get them about once or twice a month from Friday to Saturday.
Recently their mother remarried and the girls live with them and their half brother and she just announced they were expecting. My youngest daughter had a birthday this week so I’m having her a birthday party today. And my oldest seems distant.
My oldest was sitting with me and told me that she missed her “other daddy” and that he had bought them a kitchen set and built them a play house in the backyard and she wanted to go home to play in it. She then told me she had just been helping him build a duck house and that they were going to go pick out two ducklings to bring home when she got back and she wanted to go home.
My youngest daughter calls him by his name but the oldest calls him Daddy 2. It really hurt hearing how she missed this other man and wanted to go home and not spend time with me. WIBTA if I told her she can’t call him Daddy because I’m her daddy and she can call him by his name like her sister does? ######
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YTA
I know it hurts, and I'm sorry bud, but it's not your choice. This isn't about you, it's about that kid and her happiness. Don't be the asshole who fucks that up for her. ######
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Some background first. My sister is a lesbian. She was closeted for most of her life and ended marrying and divorcing a man. She lived a lie for a long time and it messed her up. My son (14M) came out as gay to me a year ago. My son and I are having video calls with my parents once a week. My son told me that he was going to come out to his grandparents on the next video call.
Yesterday we had the call. My son started talking and said something like “I have something to tell you guys” but then he stopped. He then ran off from the call. I then told my parents what he was going to say. They were very kind and they wanted to speak to my son so I called him over. They started going on about how they loved him no matter what and all that. When the call was over, my son got really mad at me for telling them. He started yelling at me and saying that he wanted to say it. I thought he wanted me to say it because he left the call.
Now I think I was wrong. I’ve been up all night reading all these LGBTQ+ parent advice stuffs online. I’m trying to navigate parenting as a single mother. This is all new to me and I’m trying to figure it out and not hurt my son like my sister got hurt. Please help me but don’t be mean. Was I wrong? ######
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YTA
I get you thought you were doing the right thing, and I’m very glad your parents had good reactions and that the relationship between them and your son is good. But you violated your son’s personal information and trust. That was *his* thing to tell. And by running off, something in him wasn’t sure if it was the right time. And even though it’s evidenced by you telling them and their reactions that it was a good time, your son is the one who needed to tell them.
Bit out there, but as an example, it’s like if you had a miscarriage and you were planning to tell your parents, and you entrusted the information in someone close to you, like your sister. You and your sister get on a call with your parents, and you’re planning to tell them. But last minute, you decide you can’t bring yourself to tell them, maybe because you don’t feel ready to personally tell them. So you make an excuse and get up from the call abruptly while the call is still going. You come back into the room after a few minutes and find out your sister has told your parents about the miscarriage. You would be absolutely furious, because it wasn’t your sister’s information to tell and you personally weren’t ready to tell them. ######
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Hi everyone! I've been a long-time lurker, but the first-time poster! I (26F) am so excited to marry my fiance (27M) this September! Unfortunately, we've had to postpone our bachelorette/bachelor parties for obvious reasons. Additionally, we may have to have a small ceremony of fewer than 10 people on our wedding date, and our actual ceremony in June 2021 since we cannot get our money back from the venue, the catering is included as well. At the end of the day, we do want to share our love in front of our family and friends. We also have just bought a beautiful condo 30 minutes away from fiance's parents in Connecticut! While we are so excited about this journey together, this whole process has been stressful and sometimes I wish we just eloped earlier this year.
Here's the issue my fiance's younger brother Tom (24M) has been dating his girlfriend Melinda (24F) since college. The crazy world circumstances have led them to want to speed up their future plans. Now, they are looking to get married next month at the courthouse. They also are putting an offer on a condo 10 minutes from us. I can't help but feel upstaged. They know how difficult the wedding planning process has been for us but are still planning their wedding to be before ours. My Fiance and I are happy for them, but we feel hurt that our feelings weren't taken into consideration. All of my friends have been saying that Melinda was in competition with me this whole time, but I didn't even see it until now. I just want to make sure that my fiance and I are properly celebrated and don't want to be upstaged.
So Reddit, AITA for being upset that my wedding is being upstaged by my future in-laws? ######
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YTA
I fail to see how them getting married at a courthouse would upstage your wedding, with a full ceremony? Are we missing something?
I also don't see why the condos, and their locations, matter. ######
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My grandmother is 90 this year.
I'm 34 and SIL is 30.
My SIL visits my grandmother with her children and my brother three times a week, I visit as much as possible which is usually three times a month but we usually Skype or call at least twice a week, I live further away so it just isnt possible for me to visit as frequently.
My SIL has always been very involved with the family, my brother has always tried to make everyone include her since she was adopted and her adopted family went no contact with her (they had a child of their own not too long after adopting her)
I personally think sometimes SIL is overly involved, she's not actually family.
Apparently my grandmothers care worker asked her work to phone family to talk to my grandmother, apparently she was getting emotional when care worker went to leave because obviously nobody has been visiting as much.
Apparently instead of me being contacted (they have my number and brothers number) they contacted my brother despite me saying contact him only in emergencies if I'm not available.
SIL apparently spent 2 hours on the phone and only told me since grandma had asked where I was.
It's not like I'm low contact, I've specified to contact ME, SIL isnt actually her family and should've passed the message to call to me.
I called them up and complained as I should've been informed, not her.
My husband thinks I'm being pety but I think it was unprofessional on the care workers part and especially so on her boss.
Apparently I'm an AH for overreacting I don't think I overreacted and I'm actually considering changing her carer because I'm concerned about what else I'm not being informed about.
AITA ? ######
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YTA
I don't see any concern for the grandmother in your post.
It doesn't seem like SIL or the care workers are doing anything wrong. The SIL told you about the call and told you about your grandma sound for you. But you are considering changing the care workers -- the only stability your grandmother knows now -- purely out of spite that your SIL is very involved in your grandmother's care.
>I personally think sometimes SIL is overly involved, she's not actually family.
Family is much more than just blood. Given all the care your SIL gives to your grandmother, she's definitely family. YTA for being essentially jealous of your SIL and wanting to go scorched Earth just to show to your SIL that she's "not actually family" according to you. ######
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Due to a fire in my apartment I [30m] temporarily moved in with my girlfriend [29f]. I thought it would be great but it has sucked.
She has really bad insomnia, so getting to sleep and staying asleep. She's been to doctors, and sleep tests, and has tried medication but she says the best solution she's found is sleeping for 4 hours, waking up for a few hours, then back to sleep for another few hours.
I thought I could deal with that but it was more. She hates sleeping next to people, which I didn't know until I moved in. She's says she's scared if waking people up and being woken up by people. I can see that because I have snapped at her a few times when she's woken me up.
This means she doesn't want to cuddle at night in bed. Its ok on the couch, but not in bed. The whole point of sleeping with your girlfriend is to cuddle, but she hates it. When I do convince her to do it, she's on her phone all night. She doesn't even try to sleep.
The past two weeks she's taken to sleeping on the couch instead of in bed and it's driven this huge wedge between us. I'm angry because she's given up even trying and it feels like she resents me.
This all blew over when she commented her back has been hurting from sleeping on the couch and she wanted to get a hotel room for the night so she could sleep. It was heavily implied I would not be welcome and would be staying in her apartment.
I lost it. It is completely a waste of money and a health risk right now. If she just tried sleeping in bed with me instead of the couch she'd be fine. She could take some sleeping meds and be fine, I know she's taken them before to sleep.
She left to go on a 'drive' to clear her head and I'm not sure if she's coming back tonight. Now I'm starting to feel like I was an asshole for yelling at her, but I have a point. Not sleeping next to me feels like she doesn't even want me.
So reddit, AITA? ######
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YTA
I cannot stress how much you're TA right now. She's doing you a huge favor, **HUGE** by letting you move in since your place had problems. Not only are you not respecting her concerns and medical condition, you've driven her to sleep on the couch because you don't believe that her concerns are valid enough.
But wait, there's more! Now because the couch isn't comfy for sleeping on, you're mad that your GF is **LEAVING HER OWN FREAKING PLACE** to go get some sleep because you need a clue by four to realize that she can't sleep next to you and your stole the bed.
Get over yourself and either GTFO of her apartment and let the poor woman sleep or take the couch. Honestly, I hope she kicks your butt out the door when she gets home, but she's probably so sleep deprived right now she can't think of that as an option. ######
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Whenever my roommate and I go grocery shopping together I notice that she just puts stuff in her basket without looking at how much things cost.
We were at Whole Foods earlier today and we were in the fridge section and she randomly was adding some stuff to her basket that she wanted to try. I asked her how much it costed when she came back over to me and she said she didn't know.
I got very annoyed and told her off in front of some people about how she shouldn't act so privileged and that some people have to live off food stamps and don't have the same luxuries that she does or make as money as she does to just be running around buying whatever she wants. I got some dirty looks from the people standing around us but one lady came up to us and she took my side saying that she doesn't take things for granted.
My roommate started to get upset and cried saying that she isn't trying to act privileged and that she just wanted to try the food and figured it wouldn't be too much out of her budget. I was just getting a lot of dirty looks though so I was wondering AITA? ######
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YTA
How the f is it any of your business how much money she spends on her *own* groceries? Goddamn.
Also, just want to point out that you were also shopping at Whole Foods. People on food stamps can't afford to shop there, so aren't you "flaunting your privilege" as well? ######
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AITA: so I have a teacher coworker who runs in my circles. We get along on the surface but she is extremely gossipy and starts a lot of problems that I have to deal with. Lately, she has been posting photos of herself dressed up... racy. Nothing nudity wise, but tops that are mostly see through, crop tops, super short shorts, etc. Also, her profile is not private and she has students following her on IG. Now, I know it’s petty and vindictive but also, if you have students and students parents as friends, they can all see that. Aren’t we (as teachers) supposed to be setting a better example? I submitted the photos to HR for them to decide. But now I feel like the Ahole... she’s a tennis coach as well and she peppers her racy photos through there posts about her team and the school. Anyways, I don’t feel like teachers should represent themselves like that, but I could also just be the Ahole who would have a better day without her around. ######
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YTA
How she acts in her personal life is none of your business. How she dresses doesn’t affect her ability to teach, and you had no right to send her profile to HR. You’re a major asshole. ######
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So I’m 19f and my brother is 18. He was adopted when I was 4 and my parents have been nothing but kind to him. They treat us exactly the same and he knows that they’ve given him a good life with amazing opportunities.
My only issue is that he’s very clingy and too attached. He was ALWAYS like that. For example when we were little he always wanted to play with me and not other kids. Our teachers had to physically separate us because he wouldn’t let go of my arm. Over the years the attachment wasn’t that extreme but he’s still clingy. I’m not sure why but it’s tiring.
Anyway I was FaceTiming my cousin and her friends. My brother was also with me in the room and her friends noticed him in the background and asked who that is. Before I could answer someone asked if he’s my boyfriend (cringe) and I explained that he’s my brother. They pointed out that we look nothing alike so I clarified that he’s adopted. I explained that he has never blended in with my family because he just looks/behaves too different.
My brother was suddenly very quiet and left the room. After a while I went to speak to him and we had a huge argument. He thinks that I hate to be associated with him because I’m always quick to clarify we’re not biologically related.
I told him that he’s not a true part of my family so I have the right to tell people he’s adopted. He just looked at me with a blank stare and didn’t reply. Honestly I was pretty mad and told him to leave me alone for a while.
Apparently my dad saw him crying and I got into serious trouble with my parents. Idk if he told them what happened but I’ve never seen him cry so they probably think it’s VERY serious. They’re furious with me and want me to apologize.
AITA for being truthful with my brother? ######
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YTA
He was adopted into your family - that makes him a true part of your family.
> my parents have been nothing but kind to him.
Of course. He is their son. He may look different on the outside but you are the one who is different on the inside. ######
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My daughter is 23, mother of two, she’s been driving for a little over a year now.
My daughter loves to speed, her driving honestly terrifies me and I can’t stand being in the car with her despite her claims she drives the speed limit.
Tuesday morning she phoned me, sobbing, claiming a car cut her off and her car is absolutely wrecked as in she can’t go anywhere with it, she needs that for work.
I calmed her down and talked her through it and eventually she calmed down, jokingly I said “Were you speeding again? Maybe now you won’t be a dick on the road again?”
She’s completely healthy, I don’t know about the other car but I assume so.
The kids ( 4 & 6) were at school so they weren’t in the car.
She went off on one about how she drives the limit and she’s shaken basically saying how the fuck dare I.
I told her the truth, she doesn’t like it? Drive better.
She now isn’t talking to me and my wife scolded me for laughing at our traumatised daughter, I didn’t laugh and I wouldn’t have had I not known she was okay.
If facts hurt then it says a lot.
AITA?
Debated on posting this. ######
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YTA
From your responses you admit that she was going 60mph in a 60 zone and that you regularly drive under the speed limit everywhere. It sounds like her claims are in fact correct and you are the one generally driving unsafely because you want to go at a slower speed than most everyone else on the road.
She just had a "swoop and stop" basically happen to her and you took that opportunity to tell her that her that she's a dick for at best going with the flow of traffic on most major roads??
And then you post on here that "facts hurt"
What a joke ######
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My daughter (16) has been doing online school. Yesterday, we were going over her grades, and there was a 0 that she “forgot” to tell me about. I have a very low tolerance for lying, so I let her have it.
Today is my birthday, but she also had an AP test today, and she needed plenty of rest. However, this morning, she woke me and my husband up with breakfast. When I looked at the time, it was about 7 in the morning.
I asked her how long she’d been up, and she said since 5 because she made cupcakes as well. That would mean she wasn’t asleep as long as she needed to be. I was furious, but I tried to be as calm as possible.
I said “I thought I told you to sleep”. She said “and I did, just not too long”, we went back and forth for a while and I had run out of patience. I began to yell at her, but before I could even say much, she just slammed the tray onto the floor and went to her room crying.
I understood what this was now — since I’m mad at her “kind gesture”, she gets to play the victim and make ME apologize. It was blatant manipulation, which she always does.
She had to clean up the mess, and now she’s grounded for the whole summer. My husband tells me that I’m overreacting, but she has fucked up time and time again, and her grades are the most important thing right now. Her job is school, and she manages to fuck it up all the time.
AITA? ######
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YTA
From the sounds of it, you’re the manipulative one. Your daughter did something nice for you, and you made her regret it. And then you grounded her for the whole summer? You don’t own your child.
It definitely wouldn’t hurt for you guys to see a family therapist because this post exposes a lot of toxic traits between the both of you. ######
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So I'm happily married and the father of two boys. My poor wife lives in a house with a lot of testosterone. She's always taught our boys that girls don't fart, which I think is silly and if she doesn't let up they are going to be very disappointed by their future wives someday. Also I think she just needs to relax about it. We're all human.
Anyway I was playing around on my phone last night and had a brilliant idea. I knew I wasn't going to sleep well, so I figured I'd just keep the phone handy and when she began to fart in her sleep I'd get some video evidence. It's never just once, but like a lot of little ones, so I got a pretty good video and showed it to the kids over breakfast. Obviously being 5 and 7 year old boys they thought it was hilarious and kept making jokes all day. I did tell them to tone it down after a while.
My wife is furious. We've always been a fun couple and I really didn't expect this reaction, but she says it was humiliating. I apologized, got the kids to stop, and stopped threatening to upload it to Facebook, but I really think this is a massive overreaction. So AITA? ######
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YTA
For all the other reasons already mentioned, but especially for this:
> I apologized, got the kids to stop, and stopped threatening to upload it to Facebook
Way to bury the lede there! You threatened to upload videos of your sleeping wife farting to facebook? What the hell is wrong with you? ######
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Some background. We are pretty well off financially. Me and my wife still work luckily and have 3 kids the oldest is 18 graduated highschool and the youngest is 13. We told our kids we had rules. If they don’t plan to go to college they are out of the house at 21 and if they do, out of the house by 28 so either way they have time to get themselves established.
The oldest said she wants to go to college so she can discover what she wants to do. She showed no interest in college before graduating and didn’t apply to any. Problem is, we, my wife and I, feel like it would be a waste of money. We have enough for each of our kids at this point and currently working on our retirement fund. But we think it would be a waste.
Our daughter barely made it through highschool and show no interest in college as said above. We sat her down and I said that it would be a waste if she goes one semester or one year and not go to any classes or fail out. She went ballistic saying we were crushing her dreams. I told her a compromise would be if she can pay the first two years either with loans and scholarships and made it through GPA wise, we would pay the final two years. Again she went ballistic and accused us for favoring her younger siblings ( after this I kinda do).
Me and wife stood firm on it until this week when she threatened to runaway with her boyfriend. I told her that her boyfriend is trailertrash. Honestly, her running away is putting some pressure on us, but I want to stay firm. My wife on the other hand is saying just give in.
Aita if I keep holding my ground and let her runaway? ######
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YTA
First of all, nobody likes the fact that a college degree is becoming more and more mandatory to get a job. But that's just how the world works.
Second, you don't give your children different circumstances or ambush them with surprise conditions in the last minute. If your daughter is at a company applying for a sought after position that then invents some bullshit, last minute requirement changes to make sure they don't have to grant it to her specifically but rather one of the bosses friends because "it would be such a waste", please tell me you'd be supporting her when she takes that company to court?
Third, I would not mind it if you mention that you've budgeted for an exact amount of semesters and after they're done, the money's out, she would have to pay for herself if she doesn't have the credits to graduate (and that budget is, obviously, the same for all your kids).
Fourth, your wife knows what's morally right here. Surprise conditions out of spite, to discourage *your own daughter* from going to college, is the reason young adults have trust issues.
EDIT:
And fifth, this comment you gave later, regarding if you would pay off her student loans if she completes her degree and proves to you that she's capable, really nails your assholish attitude home:
>Hell no not after this. My sons deserve the money more. Even if they don’t go to college, we’re just give them extra money in the will
I can't imagine being this spiteful to my own kid who's crime was saying something stupid while in high school. ######
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Hello, I am writing this because my husband just told me I was the asshole but I strongly disagree.
My son is currently in 8th grade and always tells me about the crazy things students do to each other in his class. While I do believe some were inappropriate, I just took it as they being kids and would hopefully grow out of it once they get older. However, what my son told me happened yesterday was completely different. During his math online test, some students attempted to copy but were later caught by the teacher and ended up getting a failing mark. When his lesson ended, my son was having a conversation with these students and others from his class and the words they used to describe this teacher was honestly horrible and disgusting. I never imagined these children would know this many swear words! This was extremely inappropriate and I contacted the teacher and told her everything that happened and urged her to tell their parents about these students.
I told my husband and son about it and my son got very mad at me and told me they will all think he is the ‘teachers puppet’ and will lose his friends. My husband also agrees I was the asshole and to next time mind my own business. I told him that it is my business that these students have a terrible behavior.
​
Anyways, I would love to hear your thoughts about this. ######
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YTA
Every teacher knows students call them names behind their back. If youd revealed cheating that would be one thing, but she did not need to be regaled with the specific names/insults these creative teens used. It serves no purpose. ######
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I (F24) am getting married to the most amazing man this summer - we'll call him Ken (M22). He has invited 2 of his best friends from college, Alex (M23) and Nicole (F22). I have hung out with both Alex and Nicole several times, but Ken is closer to them than I am.
So Ken and I both think our religion is really important to us. The ceremony is happening in our dream church and like 80% of the guests are from either his church or mine (the other 20% are family). Alex is some kind of Catholic, but Nicole has never been baptized or even gone to mass before. According to Ken, she has no interest in religion. This bothers me a lot because I feel like she won't appreciate our ceremony or the church. Nicole is also very exotic looking, with brown skin and dark hair (her parents are from South Asia) so people will already be giving her looks anyway (not a lot of diversity in me or Ken's families).
Here's the issue: Nicole partied a lot in college - drinking, smoking, everything. She would post pics of herself in crop tops and tight jeans WEEKLY. I'm worried that she will wear something inappropriate to my wedding, drawing even more attention to herself.
I asked Ken to ask Alex to talk to Nicole, but Ken never did. So I texted Nicole and discreetly brought up that I'd like to approve her outfit before she bought anything tasteless. Nicole told me that she will do no such thing, and I told her I'm worried she will feel uncomfortable with people staring at her. She is adamant that nobody will be staring at her and that she will wear what she wants. I asked her to promise me that it wouldn't be anything inappropriate, but she hasn't responded.
AITA? I"m terrified she is going to show up to my beautiful wedding wearing something outrageous just to get back at me. I was genuinely just trying to help her. ######
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YTA
Even if only for thinking it's relevant to say Nicole is "very exotic looking". She's one of your fiance's best friends, he knows her better than you do, and if he's not worried about her wearing something inappropriate, you shouldn't be either. You and your fiance both find your religion to be super important, you need to trust him. Demanding to approve her dress choice is ridiculous and moving into bridezilla territory. ######
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Me and my wife are 30s m/f
We have two little girls 12 and 9 and their brother is 7. We also have a dog.
My job recently transitioned to wfh and my wife's job recently became much more demanding (she works outside the home).
I have been dealing with the recent stress by cooking. I enjoyed cooking when I was in college and I recently took it up again as a distraction and a way to get my mind off things. I'm not bad if I do say so myself.
Since I'm cooking every night, it's only fair that she cleans.
My wife hates that I cook. She says that the cleaning every night when she gets home is too much, and she'd rather I just do frozen things or order take out. She basically said that I'm adding to her plate and that I'm the asshole.
I'm not willing to give up this release, and I don't feel it's fair for me to clean.
So, Reddit, AITA? ######
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YTA
Dude, just do the dishes. You have the luxury to work from home, she doesn't at the moment.
She's probably tired and just wants to relax, not clean up a bunch of dishes she doesn't agree to.
Either do the dishes yourself, since you love to cook so much or just order takeout or frozen stuff. That seems fair. ######
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My brother has started dating a single mother few months ago.
I have quite large Instagram meme page, and me and my brother like trolling each-other so I started uploading more and more single mother memes
Nothing hurting or such
Just dumb stuff like this
https://imgur.com/a/JJoR8Ba
And then I found out my brother has previously shared my meme account with his gf. And his gf has called me and she was hurt and was asking if I had anything against her and she would like to clear it up and that she would like to have a good relation with me because things are going good with my brother
, I apologized
Am I an asshole? ######
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YTA
Don’t forget a lot of those single mothers are there because deadbeat baby daddies run from their responsibilities. That you would make fun of something like that shows just how much of an AH you are.
I hope you apologized and took that shit down. ######
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Edit: Thank you for the responses everyone, I appreciate them all. I've decided to take your advice and send everyone a meaningful apology, EXCEPT for the boy. I'll use a mutual friend to pass the message, however I'll tell them only to mention the apology if he happens to mention me. This was a short discussion, but it helped a lot. Feel free to keep the discussion going; I may change my mind. So again, thanks for the advice!
Amidst the crisis, I still find it funny that this conflict is bothering me more.
Here's some context: I've liked this boy for 2 years now, and he has a girlfriend. I told him I liked him a year ago, and things got awkward between us. We stopped talking seven months ago. However, I did text him on February to yell at him for ignoring my friend and making her cry. He told me to stop texting him, and I did. He stopped ignoring my friend.
Fast forward to today, and looking through our text messages, I realized how awful I was to him. I was a nice girl, and not in a good way. I would be passive aggressive when he talked about his girlfriend, I would fight with him when he called other people his best friend. I would even claim that I was his best friend because I had helped him with some stupid problems. I felt awful rereading those messages, and I couldn't imagine how he felt, having to put up with it.
Now that school is cancelled for the rest of the year in my state, I planned to send all of my friends that have ever been involved with this stupid drama between me and that boy a long apology, because I'm sure that they deserve one for putting up with my shit. I'm also sure that I might not see them again, because I'm going to highschool next year. Well, now you know that this is petty eighth grade drama. Oh well.
I'm just not sure if I should send that boy one last apology. After all, he told me not to text him anymore, but I still feel obliged to. WIBTA? ######
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YTA
Don't contact people who have specifically said they don't want to hear from you. It's rude.
Also don't text all your friends a long apology. You are just dragging out the drama. Let it be. With everything that is going on I doubt they care that much about it. ######
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So my boyfriend (26m) and I (24f) have been pretty bored recently. We were on a zoom call when a friend of ours brought up the idea of the "freebie list" - aka the five people you can cheat on your SO with. Obviously, this isn't actually real and I don't think any couple takes it seriously.
​
But we were both bored so we decided to have a laugh and create our own freebie lists while both acknowledging that this was just a fantasy and that neither of us would cheat on each other. My freebie list was pretty normal but when I saw his, I noticed a pattern.
​
Four of his five were Asian or of Asian descent. I starting thinking about all of his previous girlfriends that I know of from his middle-school girlfriend to the one before me and realized I'm the first white woman he's ever dated (which his friends later confirmed for me). I kind of jokingly called him out on his yellow fever which he got really offended at and he said he's not some "creepy fetishist looking for a submissive Asian wife."
​
This started a huge argument where he got really angry and refused to speak to me. This is where I may be a bit of the AH in that I didn't really take it seriously and made jokes about it which just made him angrier. Obviously, I'm not offended that he's had yellow fever in the past - he's dating me now and I'm secure enough to know he's not going to cheat on me.
Instead of my normally awesome boyfriend, he's turned into this sulking mess who refuses to talk to me.
So, AITA? ######
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YTA
By saying your list was "pretty normal," do you mean they were all white? Being attracted to Asians isn't "abnormal." Yeah, it can be a creepy fetish, but it can also be a normal feature of encountering attractive individuals who happen to be Asian. You basically joked that he has a fetish that dehumanizes people. That's going to land rough for a lot of people. ######
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Pre-qurantine!
So I (26M) was going on this date.
Context-
This girl (24F) let's call her Lin, was a friend of my friend. He recommended going on a date with Lin, so I said sure.
On to the story-
So we met at this restaurant that I had never heard of, and it was because Lin lived 30 minutes from here and requested this.
So Lin came, and she was gorgeous, we chatted, and she told me she walked here, since she didn't want to waste gas on a car. I didn't really mind and the convo went on.
Me and Lin really did hit it off, and we talked for an hour, went for a movie (that was 10 minutes from the restaurant) , talked more, had fun and i actually had hope in this date.
So then we had to part, and I assumed Lin would walk home, but she asked me if I could drive her home, since it was night and she never expected the date to go for so long and that she doesn't want to walk this night.
I didn't want to waste gas, plus I felt like she was just using me for my car so I politely declined. She asked one more time because she didn't want to walk home at this time, because a few guys always walked around her neighbourhood at this time.
I told her I couldn't, and she accepted it, glared at me, before leaving.
The next day, I asked her if she made it home safe. She replied a few hours later with:
'If you call getting catcalled safe, then yes I was safe!'
And then blocked me on all social media. I made another account but she told me that it didn't work out, and blocked me again.
I was devastated, since I thought this would work. I can't help but think I was in the wrong. I did have lowish gas, and nothing really bad did happen to her, and if she didn't want the possibility of walking home, she could have got a car/uber.
AITA? ######
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YTA
At worst - and I mean worst - you drive her home and she says 'hey. I'm not into you at all. Piss off. Kthanksbye.'. You are no worse off
Most likely is 'thanks I had a great time tonight'. And set up to go out again. That's a good first date.
Or - she invites you inside to hang out and stuff. That's a great first date!!!
You didn't do this small kindness, and by thinking the very worst of someone, nuked all chance for a meaningful relationship. And cockblocked yourself. ######
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So for the people who dont know. ABG is a popular term used in Asian American culture where a asain female goes and takes a lot from black and white culture and is normally talking to a lot of guys at once.
Now this morning I woke to find out my(15M) sister(18F) dyed her hair blond. Which I then made a comment saying "ah we are going full ABG I see." She ask what I meant which I said that she dyed her hair blond. She then said that doesnt mean I'm a ABG I just wanted to try something new. I told her she wears a lot of street wear and drink a lot if boba not to be a ABG. She reminded me that I wear a lot of the same brands she does and I agreed. She then got really upset which I tried to explain to her i was just joking but she wasnt having any of it and she started coming at me for the stuff i do like how i play a lot of league of legends so i must be a stereotype. I told her she was taking it way to personally and i left the room. ######
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YTA
Asian here. Even if you meant to just joke about it, the fact is that you hurt her feelings.
Generally the better way to approach it is to apologize for hurting her, not going “GOd yoU’Re so SeNSitivE” You basically told her she was a bad Asian and then tried to back out of it without taking any responsibility.
Also, you can absolutely be racist about your own race. Mainly by claiming that you have to be the “picture perfect Asian” (in your case, having dark hair) and then forcing everyone else to act that way or belittling them when they don’t, like what you did to your sister. It fucking sucks to be on the receiving end. So don’t do it.
And before you pull the whole argument of “Well, it doesn’t bother ME” then good for you, but I’m pretty sure that your sister isn’t a carbon copy of you. That may be a good thing to keep in mind when you’re talking to... well, anyone.
Also, literally ALL she did is dye her hair. Even Asians in their countries dye their hair different colors because they feel like it. Why do you think that’s a specific Asian American thing??? ######
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My wife and I recently had a child.
Jake looks exactly like me, and not so much like his mother. My wife and I have pretty different phenotypes. She has blue eyes, blonde hair, the perfect member of the Aryan race. I am Indian, pretty brown skin, black hair, brown eyes.
Jake looks like a 30 year old younger version of me. Basically everyone noticed, and even my MIL made a small joke when he was born. So, while we were talking, I decided to make fun of it, and said “Wow, are you sure I didn’t cheat on you?”. With context, I insinuated that Jake is not hers but is mine. Which is obviously illogical, hence the joke.
I think I struck a nerve, because she’s really made with me. We both did apologize, but she’s still acting different around me.
So, AITA? ######
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YTA
As a half Indian kid who does not look like one of my parents, your wife will spend the rest of her life dealing with strangers trying to figure out if her child is hers. It’s awful.
The joke you told is funny, but it’s a joke that probably only she can tell. It sounds like she’s already dealing with “jokes” about the baby not being hers. Pro tip: cut that shit out, don’t let anyone joke about your infant being the product of infidelity. If your kid was light skinned, you wouldn’t like your in laws making jokes about you not being the father, would you?
Edit: me and my siblings do look like one of our parents (like OP’s child). I see some commenters saying they have kids that don’t look like them and they don’t mind the joke, and that’s cool, but the interracial aspect of this situation is very important. Unsurprisingly, the YTA section is filled with stories of mixed race people who have all experienced what OP’s wife will experience, while the NTA section seems to be missing melanin and willfully ignoring the context entirely. ######
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This happened last night and I have been told by my partner that I was selfish but idk.
There was a tornado warning last night where I live. This isn't too unusual in our state but we are in a city so we dont typically get actual touchdown or anything like that. When the sirens went off (around 6 pm) we heard a knock at the door, and it was our upstairs neighbor. He asked if he and his girlfriend and dog could go in our basement. We live in a duplex, so it's an old house that has been split in 2 units. They have the second floor and attick and we have the first floor and basement. I told them I wasnt comfortable with them coming into our house, and apologized, and the guy left after kind of awkwardly standing there in my doorway for a second. I said sorry but I dont think I'm obligated to let people into my house just because theres a storm. For what it's worth there wasnt even a tornado after the warnings and the sirens stopped about 5 minutes after he came and asked.
Anyway my girl said I was being selfish but I dont think they need access to our house every time there is a storm warning. Aita? ######
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YTA
An actual tornado is a life or death situation... You wouldn't let your upstairs neighbors into your house *to save their lives*? Seems extreme ######
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Something I’ve started doing since becoming obsessed with bodybuilding. I don’t have the appetite to finish all the meals so I started just tossing everything in a blender and chugging it in 10 secs because it’s faster and you finish the meal before getting full . My girlfriend cooked dinner last night and I did that and she was furious. Said she put a lot of effort in it and it was supposed to be be good, delicious and healthy and everything felt pointless to watch me drink it like a animal and I should be more considerate. AITA? Didn’t seem like a big deal to be but I’m always open for self reflection ######
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YTA
Also, maybe you want to think about your self described "body building obsession". Seems like it's already making you disregard your close relationships and treat the chance for some pleasant social interaction as a mere refuelling stop. I don't mean this snarkily, but are you OK? ######
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I’m 27/F, my hubs is 29/M, and we have three littles 4, 3, and 18 mos.
My cousin (C) is 26/F. She finally got married to her husband last year. She has been telling everyone that she and her hubs have been trying to get pregnant, but they haven't had success. Naturally people are worried for her and concerned, meanwhile she's been on two vacations (not since covid obviously) and bought handbags and furniture.
I asked her about her pregnancy journey, and she told me she hasn't been trying, in fact she had an IUD placed. I was shocked. She said her and her hubs "like their lifestyle" and weren't sure they would ever have kids!
I asked her why LIE to family, and she said that she "wanted them off her back.". I said that's no excuse. Liking her lifestyle is selfish and self centered. I told her to think of someone else for a change and left.
Here's where I might be the asshole. I texted our family that my cousin had an abortion in 2012. I know she did because she had to borrow money from me at the time to stay in a hotel near the center. They are religious so this didn't go over well. I think they need to know the truth about my cousin. My hubs agrees she is selfish but disagrees with the way I presented it. ######
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YTA
Alright, let's break this down.
>I asked her why LIE to family, and she said that she "wanted them off her back."
Reasonable. It's frustrating having people think your body and your sex life is their business. Because *newsflash*: it's not. It's no one's business what she does with her uterus except her. Women are living, breathing, thinking individuals, they aren't walking incubators. And obviously her husband is on the same page.
>I said that's no excuse.
See the above point
>Liking her lifestyle is selfish and self centered.
Being happy is self-centered? That's one I haven't heard before.
>I told her to think of someone else for a change and left.
Like who? She and her husband made the choice that was best for *their* life together. You and your family don't want to accept that, so of course they're going to say whatever it takes to stop listening to everyone's *selfish* opinions about what your cousin and her husband do in *their* marriage. ######
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I am not here looking for advice, I just need someone to tell me like it is.
My danger went into foster care from the ages of 13-15 (She is currently 15). I had her young, i made some mistakes as a parent, but after that wake up call I got my stuff together and got my daughter back. After coming back from homelessness and drug addiction, I thought that she would be proud of all that I had done to make a safe home for her.
She stayed with the same foster family for the entire time. The foster parents claimed to support my unification with her, but I felt that they were spoiling her and buying her loyalty at the same time. They went over my head to get decisions made for her, they took her on trips, and did other things that raised expectations for her that I knew that I would not be able to maintain.
When she came back to me she was unhappy. She expressed that she did not want to leave her foster home, and it really hurt my feelings. At first I supported the contact with this family. Then slowly, I realized that she was still depending on them as caregivers and not giving me a chance to care for her. I asked the family to cease contact with her, so that I could demonstrate to Hera that I am a capable caregiver. They reluctantly agreed.
When she calls them, they don’t answer. This has given her some significant distress, but she is leaning on me more. I feel bad about having these people disappear from her life, and when I ask others if I made the right choice, they tip toe around answering me. I just want someone to tell it to me straight, aita for asking them to stop contacting my daughter? ######
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YTA
All those trips and ‘spoils’ she got while she was with them was her being treated like their own daughter, as she should be. You don’t get to have a say in how they raised your daughter. You gave up that right when you messed up so badly that the state decided you were unfit to have her for those two years.
Those people became a major part of her life for those years. Cutting them off and making them abandon your daughter to make yourself feel better is the wrong choice. After all that happened, it takes time to build trust back up. How does she know you won’t relapse and she’ll be right back in the system tomorrow?
I can congratulate you for getting your act together. But forcing the foster parents to ignore your already traumatized daughter is wrong. You sound jealous more than anything. You’re thinking of yourself way more than you’re thinking about what your daughter needs. You can’t build new trust by being so selfish. ######
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Me (28 M) and my cousin (19M) have always been close and in a way I see him as a younger brother. He has never been good with dating/relationships unfortunately, but he ended up going on multiple dates with a girl that goes to his school.
Initially he described the dates as being really fun, that they have a lot to talk about/there's tons of flirting, etc. I only met her once but they did seem to have real chemistry.
So backstory is that he supposedly asked her what kind of relationship they have and she friendzoned him. When she messaged him again, he told her he was hurt and needed space. After a week, he messaged her back apologizing and would try to continue as friends. She ghosted him completely, which made him more hurt. He made a couple more attempts at messaging her but she ignored all of them.
He's been speaking to me a lot about this, but I basically told him "most girls can be ruthless, stop being invested in that slut. If she got so offended that you were taken back by being friendzoned by her and wanted some space, she can fuck off. Go around, sleep with other girls, don't worry about any commitments or how they feel, just have fun. Eventually the right girl will come along"
Lately he seems to be getting over it, but when I told my girlfriend what I said, she told me I was out of my mind. Being that she's a female, I knew she wouldn't understand, but I felt my cousin needs to know that he needs to be a little less sensitive to these matters and dancing around the subject will only hurt him more. On the other hand, maybe my girlfriend is right that I could have toned it down? Either way, I just wanted to know if I am an asshole for angering my girlfriend like that. ######
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YTA
1. The other girl is apparently a slut for not sleeping with your cousin? Last I check, calling someone a slut is supposed to mean they sleep around too much
2. Slut-shaming a girl while encouraging a boy to sleep around is blatant misogyny. If you think a boy sleeping around is fine, then a girl sleeping around should be fine.
3. Girls don’t owe guys a damn thing when it comes to dating them. “Friendzoning” is just a term made up to criticize women for not wanting to date any guy that has a pulse.
4. You said your girlfriend doesn’t know what she’s talking about when it comes to misogyny because *drumroll* she’s a woman.
Congratulations, you won the award for most Misogynist Reddit Post of the Day ######
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My wife (23F) is American-born, but her parents immigrated from China and speak nearly no English. Recently, she was on the phone with her mom, who apparently expressed that she wishes her son in law (me, 26M) would start learning some Chinese so that we could communicate better. When my wife told me about this later, I told her I didn’t want to.
She argued that I could just slowly learn and accumulate some easy phrases and that I had plenty of time since we both aren’t working due to stay at home orders and that I should do this instead of playing video games all day. First of all, I really suck at learning languages, like a lot more than the average person. Also, we don’t live near her parents, so there wouldn’t be that much opportunity to use it even if I learned it. When we’re all together, my wife translates everything and it works out fine. And finally, I just honestly have no interest in learning to speak Chinese.
When I told my wife this, she seemed disappointed and said I was making excuses but dropped the subject. Am I the asshole for not wanting to learn to speak Chinese for my wife and her parents? ######
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YTA
1. She's only asking you to learn a few words/phrases, not an entire language.
2. Your in-laws are a permanent part of your life, and learning at least some of their language demonstrate a lot of respect.
3. Your response of "my wife translates everything and it works out fine" is kind of demeaning. She's your wife, not your secretary. You shouldn't make translation seem like "her job".
In short, show some respect for your in-laws. Show your wife that you're willing to put in a little work to be part of her family. ######
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I posted a thread last night about an unrelated issue on AITA and mistakenly dropped this information in the comments. Even though the issue I asked about is completely separate, I'm getting crucified over the fact that I once made a Tinder last year while dating my girlfriend.
Here's the thing, though: I only made it for a confidence boost. I never had any intention of cheating or even messaging these girls. I only got 2 matches anyway and they weren't even that attractive, at least not attractive enough that my girlfriend should have felt threatened by them. My girlfriend was upset about it when she found out. We sat down and I told her how I was feeling unappreciated especially since she never wakes me up with "surprises" anymore. We moved past it and our relationship has been good since then. But the Reddit hivemind is insisting I'm an asshole because I had a Tinder for one week a year ago that didn't lead to any infidelity whatsoever. AITA? ######
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YTA
>We sat down and I told her how I was feeling unappreciated
Yeah, no. That's the conversation you have **before** you start swiping on people on Tinder, not after you're caught.
>I only made it for a confidence boost.
So you're feigning interest in people (by swiping on them) in the hopes that they'll stroke your ego by swiping back? That'd be an asshole move even if you *weren't* already in a relationship.
>they weren't even that attractive, at least not attractive enough that my girlfriend should have felt threatened by them.
Wow, you sound more and more like an asshole with every sentence you type. You just blatantly stated that if these women had been more attractive, then your girlfriend *should* have felt threatened.
>But the Reddit hivemind is insisting I'm an asshole because I had a Tinder for one week a year ago that didn't lead to any infidelity whatsoever.
See? You did it again!
Protip: You don't become the asshole for swiping on other girls on Tinder behind your girlfriend's back *only* if it leads to infidelity. Any resulting infidelity would just make you even *more* of an asshole than you were already being. ######
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So I've (25M) lived with my ex (24F) for 5 years, we dated for almost 3 years, this was 2 years ago, she's been with her boyfriend for a while now- they're even planning on moving in with eachother, she's very excited, since breaking up we've just been friends.
I met my girlfriend 5 months ago, dating for 3months.
She knows I've got a roommate, she knows my roommate is a woman and she knows we are friendly.
I didn't think it was necessary.
We were recently talking about exs when I said I'd briefly dated *roommates name* - a silly mistake on my part.
She freaked out, calling me an AH for not telling her first and had she known she wouldn't have been as trusting of *roommates name* and that its something I should've told her.
My roommate agrees I should've told my girlfriend but my girlfriend is overreacting by ignoring me.
AITA? ######
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YTA
>we dated for almost 3 years
>We were recently talking about exs when I said I'd briefly dated roommates name - a silly mistake on my part.
So you were actively keeping it from her, hence the "silly mistake" on my part. Then when you finally tell her you still lied by saying you "briefly dated" someone you were with for three years. ######
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Hi, I’m new to reddit, and only saw it on a YouTube video, so I thought I would give I a try.
My son (15) last year asked about getting a gaming computer. My son has the tendency to really want something for around a week, but then drop it after I say he can’t have it.
He asked about building a computer and we talked about it. We agreed on a budget of around $1000. I told him if he could save up, he could get it.
Fast forward a year later, and he did save up $1000. The only reason I had even talked about budget was to humor him for a while.
He came into me and my husbands room and basically did a presentation on what he was going to buy. I asked him what would the cost be and he said $1100. He does have around $1300 in his account.
I shut it down immediately. He’s 15 and needs to save for a car. Me and my husband both think that 1100 is outrageous. He has a Xbox if he wants to play games. And he also has a chromebook for schoolwork.
He tells me that it’s not that simple. But $1100 is crazy.
I told him that he could spend $500 and now he won’t leave his room because “I lied to him, and got his hopes up.”
I just know that $1100 is way to much. He can get a nice computer for $500.
So reddit, am I the asshole? ######
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YTA
>We agreed on a budget of around $1000. I told him if he could save up, he could get it.
>
>The only reason I had even talked about budget was to humor him for a while.
So you lied. How are you not the asshole?
>Me and my husband both think that 1100 is outrageous.
Do you or your husband know anything about gaming PCs? I'd say that's a reasonable mid-range build.
>He has a Xbox if he wants to play games.
Not all games are available on Xbox. It's also a different gaming experience.
>And he also has a chromebook for schoolwork.
He wants a *gaming* PC. A laptop doesn't even compare.
>He’s 15 and needs to save for a car.
Does he want a car? Does he need a car? Are you forcing him to purchase a car with his money? Have you informed him of this?
You and your husband seem very controlling considering it's not your money he's spending. ######
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This occured several years ago when I was just 19. It was mentioned during an outing with friends recently, whose immediate responds was I'm an asshole. Judge me Reddit.
I'm a writer.
Well no, not really, but I write stories and post them on writing websites to collaborate with other aspiring authors. I once found a story I genuinely liked the plot of - writing websites aren't known for gifted writing - but hated the turn it took and overall, the general tone. The author was 12 so I never expected much. I took the idea, drabbled with it and made it my own. There wasn't many similarities other than plot, characters and climax. I received phenomenal support from others on this website and attain quite a large group of readers. Now this other version, the 12 year old's, wasn't very popular, especially compared to mine. She approached me, admitted something I didn't need to hear (bad parents, no friends, bullied, writing was her only escape, blah, blah, blah) and asked me to take down my story. I didn't because that wasn't her right to ask me. Someone starts the rumor I 'stole the idea'. My readers didn't take this to well. In attempt to defend me they called this 12 year old a lot of names, small things like loser, retard, freak, idiot, told her her writing was shit, it sucked. I didn't particpate in any name caller so I don't blame myself for that.
Talking about it my friends think I was a complete bitch, but I don't see it like that. I took an idea I liked and created my own version with it. So yes, thoughts? ######
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YTA
>There wasn't many similarities other than plot, characters and climax
There *weren't many similarities besides the plot, characters, and climax. Otherwise known as all the components of a story. ######
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My brother has two kids, 9 and 13. Their mother is out of the picture. Our family has been very supportive of him and his kids. My brother remarried and it was more of a "rebound" marriage for him and a marriage of "convenience" for her. My brother is a nice guy and makes good money. He only started to seriously date because his kids were older and he had more time. He was in one LTR that ended badly and then he started dating "Melissa." I was very suspect about her. Just like how my brother plays up the knight in shining armor, she played up the damsel in distress looking for her prince who would basically take care of her financially.
Long story short, they married two years ago. His kids do not view her as anything more than dad's wife. There is no parent-child bond. In fact, they have nothing in common with her. They don't like, but don't dislike each other. She's not particularly invested in them.
Lately, she's been bragging and complaining about being a "mom." The way she talks, you think she's talking about her own kids, but she has none of her own. She's talking about my niece and nephew. Often her brags and complaints are embellished as most parental brags and complaints are. Not too long ago, she was talking about how she feels like she's "failing my kids" in a lame "woe-is-Mom-ME" move. I couldn't take her and told her she wasn't a mother and no one seriously saw her as one either. I also told her that no one believes the marriage is going to last anyways and no one is even going to remember her.
And I am the nice brother! ######
|
YTA
>My brother remarried and it was more of a "rebound" marriage for him and a marriage of "convenience" for her.
>I couldn't take her and told her she wasn't a mother and no one seriously saw her as one either. I also told her that no one believes the marriage is going to last anyways and no one is even going to remember her.
Sounds like you have a lot of pent up anger and judgment towards you brother's wife and you let it get the better of you and made an ass out of yourself. ######
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My fiancé and I were supposed to get married in 2 weeks. However, I’ve been going through a rough time this month, and today has been one of those days. First, my fiancé broke his leg while at work which required surgery, then he was fired and we were both required to work at Walmart to sustain ourselves. Luckily, we have raised over $25,000 from the generous early donations we received from relatives. This helped us enormously. We were able to pay for my fiancé's medical expenses, for new furniture, and for therapy for both of us after being emotionally damaged.
After having a thoughtful conversation with my mother and fiancé, I decided to cancel my wedding and reschedule it once we regain financial stability. I’m now being attacked by my own family and friends for refusing to give back their money since I did not use it as promised. I am so hurt that they consider using the donations for health reasons as in ‘bad faith’. I understand their anger because most of them had to change their plans to attend my wedding but I am still upset at them for not understanding what I’ve been going through. I promised them that I am going to reschedule my wedding and will re open our money funds for any further gifts since we lost most of the money. I am now being bombarded by calls and hate messages from my own family and friends and don’t know what to do. Do you guys think I am the asshole in this situation? ######
|
YTA
>I promised them that I am going to reschedule my wedding and will re open our money funds for any further gifts since we lost most of the money.
That's so over the top asshole it makes me pretty positive you're trolling. People already donated 25,000, you're refusing to return money for a wedding that DIDN'T happen, and now you're reassuring people that they will have another chance to give you more money. Lol gtfo with that utter nonsense.
Edit: okay that edit seals the deal, definitely trolling. Or maybe I just missed all the supportive comments asking OP to start a GoFundMe so WE can pay for a non-existent wedding... ######
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My adult daughter is living with us to help take care of my husband, her step dad. Her day job is nursing so she’s been quite stressed lately, and I blamed that for how distant she’s been.
Thing is, she’s a plenty affectionate person. She tells her dog that she loves him multiple times a day. Before she leaves for work, when she gets home, when she feeds him, when they’re training, completely at random. Whereas she barely acknowledges me at all. It’s this huge, ugly pound dog who I don’t find lovable at all, but I digress.
The other day she was fawning over him as usual and I snapped. I tried to politely tell her that I’d appreciate some of the same love that she shows to a damn dog. I’m her mother after all. She didn’t react well to that and stormed away, with the dog of course. She called me an ass and my husband says she has a point.
AITA? ######
|
YTA
>I myself was raised knowing full well my parents’ love for me because they expressed it with actions, not words. Likewise, I have communicated love through caring for her needs and providing for her.
You chose to raise your daughter in this manner, not expressing your love with words. You're an asshole if you expect her to show you love in a way you denied her.
~~needs more information~~ - how often do YOU say I love you to your daughter? How often do you show her affection? Usually kids follow their parents lead on these things. ######
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I'm going to keep this short. I graduated college last week. I took graduation pictures with my family and friends. I put up a little collage on facebook, twitter etc but I cut out my mum from the pictures before this. I have nothing against my mum but she looks significantly younger for her age and it annoys me. Some people think we're sister and one time someone even though she was younger than me. And people tend to think she's my dad's younger trophy wife (she's only 2 years younger than him). I mean I hope I get her genes but it really annoys me. So to avoid inevitable comments about her I cropped her out of our family picture.
She's hurt that I cut her out but not my brother or my dad. Like she's not part of the family. But really it was a harmless thing and I did thank my "parents" in my post so that includes her.
​
AITA? ######
|
Yta
>I have nothing against my mum but she looks significantly younger for her age and it annoys me.
Imagine being this vain and self-centred. It sounds to me like you're jealous of her.
>I have nothing against my mum
>Like she's not part of the family
Which one is it? Do you have nothing against her or not? It sure sounds like you have something against her. ######
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