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I enjoy singing but I am VERY bad at it admittedly. I have no pitch or tone but I like to sing alone in my room usually to songs or I’ll even do karaoke by myself I know I’m bad but I like doing it, it’s fun and a stress reliever. I moved in with an roommate a couple months ago and he hates my singing (I don’t blame him) but I was singing in my room a few weeks after moving in and he had asked me to stop and not to do it when he’s home, I said sure it seemed like a reasonable request although I don’t sing that loud. Well the other day I thought my roommate was out and was singing some karaoke in my room and didn’t think he’d be home for a couple of hours. He ended up coming back early with a couple of friends and they heard me singing (I’d didn’t hear them come in as I had headphones in). Well he actually sent them home and BLEW up on me saying that I embarrassed him with my terrible singing and that no one should be singing like that unless they’re a professional. he also doesn’t want me singing at all in the apartment. I apologized and said I didn’t know that they would be home but he’s still mad at me. But I don’t really feel like TA here. What do you guys think AITA? ###### | NTA. You were only singing hardly crime of the century. Do what you enjoy! Definite over reaction from your room mate. Maybe look for a new room mate who isn't so weird about you singing to yourself? ###### |
I am a full time security guard and a full time college student. I work for a private company, that has a strict no trespassing rule. We have a basketball court on the property and during rounds tonight I found two men (Caucasian males earlier 40’s) and two young boys (maybe around 10yrs old) playing basketball. I told them it was private property and asked them to leave(I’m in the security vehicle at this point). One man seems bummed but is like ok. Then this other man starts screaming at me (5ft female) saying he was a long time resident of the town. I said be that as it may this is private property and you need to leave. Still screaming he says your not gonna let me and my kids play basketball? I said no there’s a strict no trespassing rule. The guy aggressively walks towards my security vehicle and screams “you must really like your job huh”. I laughed and told him “it pays my bills”. He got angrier, and I told him if he didn’t leave now I was going to call the local police dept and have him trespassed. He screams “I heard you the first time you fucking loser”. I followed them off the property to make sure they had left.
Some side information, the strict trespassing rule is because if someone that is not an employee is injured there is concern they could sue the company. If something like that we’re to happen and it was discovered I knew people were there that did not belong there, I would be fired.
So AITA? ###### | NTA. You were just doing your job. ###### |
So the other night the girls parents were over at my house and I decided I would be somewhat of a nice person and make everyone a nice dinner even with the rocky past I have with them. (They don’t agree with me traveling for work a month at a time)
Well whenever I would leave the living room to check on things in the kitchen I could hear snarky comments just loud enough for me to hear but quiet enough so they could sound like they’re “trying” not to be heard. After about an hour of it my girlfriend told me what they were saying about me to her. I walked out of the kitchen and told them that they had to leave because I wasn’t going to be disrespected like that in my own home. My girl told me I could’ve handled it in a different way but I just couldn’t tolerate it in my own home aita? ###### | NTA. You were giving an olive branch to people who do not respect you or your job. You were attempting to be kind but clearly they are childish. I think you can be kind but firm and ask someone to leave. ###### |
So today I resigned from my job. I't was apparently a 'graduate position' and my first job out of college. As soon as I joined the company, the head of my department quit and 4 weeks later once she actually left, I was in charge of the department. I was responsible for all the clients accounts and was extremely stressful and I was not well equipped nor trained well enough for the job. I don't even know what I'm doing half the time and no one is around to help. So this affected my mental health badly. I told my boss this and gavethem warning that I was at risk of leaving.
At the start of this month all employees took a 20% wage reduction. As it was still considered a 'graduate position' I was on almost minimum wage. After the 20% cut I was below minimum wage and was given a contract to sign to consent to the reduction. I informed my employer of the potential illegal document and I got scalded for questioning this (she's a lawyer and was very butter that I would accuse her, a lawyer of creating an illegal contract.
I requested my employer to put me on minimum wage which they rejected my request as they couldn't afford it. So I resigned today leaving the whole accounting service team with no members.
Everyone at the firm hates me for it right now and have guilted me and made me feel like an asshole for leaving. Anyway that sums up the story more or less so let me know what you guys think. ###### | NTA. You were given more responsibility than you had agreed to beforehand without being offered another position or pay raise. On top of that nobody taught you how to do your job. To have the audacity to try and cut your pay to below minimum wage after that is just despicable.
You gave them a fair warning that it was taxing on your mental health and they didn't heed your warning. They brought it on themselves! ###### |
My gf and I moved out of state in with my dad a few months ago so we can get settled before we move out on our own again. We have a three month old baby.
My baby hasn't been sleeping very good the past few days. She's been colicky. This afternoon, i finally got her to nap while laying on my chest. My dad put left over pizza in the oven for himself for lunch. He said he was going to go shower and asked if I could get it out from the oven if the timer went off before he got out. I told him, "No, I can't because I have the baby sleeping on me." He hesitated, but then he said, "I'll be out in time."
He went to shower. He wasn't out in time and the timer went off. I called for him a few times but he didn't hear me. The baby woke up from me yelling for him but went back to sleep within a few moments. I did not get his pizza from the oven.
He came out about 5 minutes later. He was mad that the timer was going off. He asked me why I was letting it go off. I said that I told him I wasn't going to get it. He pulled his pizza out and it was kind of burned. Not black burned but it smelled a little toasty.
He saying I was being lazy and rude. I don't think I was because I told him straight up I wasn't going to get his pizza and he said he would be out in time. My dad also told my older brother about it who agrees with my dad.
AITA? ###### | NTA. You were doing something important that couldn't be interrupted, and you told him so. I think it's fair, and if he doesn't, he might to consider what it would be like to spend the rest of the day with a screaming, overtired baby. ###### |
I (48M) recently won the lottery. Before you congratulate me too much, it was a local state lottery and certainly not a Mega Millions or Powerball jackpot. However it is enough to help me buy a moderately priced house and my take care of my debts with enough left over to have an investment account. I don't plan on quitting my job or anything drastic.
My Ex-GF (45F) broke up with me 6 weeks ago. We have been separated since February because of the lock-down. She is in a state with extreme lock-down orders so it is impossible for me to go back. About 6 weeks ago she called me and said it's over, she can't live like this etc. I didn't disagree, and we have been civil since.
Through a mutual friend she found out about my win, and when we talked she called me to discuss what 'we' were going to do with this money. I explained to her I won after we had broken up, and she is mad at me. She also called me stupid for buying lottery tickets int he first place.
Our mutual friend thinks I am the AH, but my family thinks I am in the right. AITA? ###### | Nta. You were broken up and bought the ticket with your own money!!! Keep all your winnings and stop talking to your ex!! Congratulations on a win!!! ###### |
My husband and I (early 30s) extended our lease for 6 months back in February, planning to buy a house between then and July. Our landlords are selling our house, so they will not extend further. Unfortunately, my husband was furloughed, so we’ve put the house hunt on hold until he’s landed a new gig.
We live in the same city as our parents. My in-laws own a few different houses/units around our city. My mother in law can be difficult, so over the last 10 years we’ve avoided living in any of their places, despite the savings potential.
When my husband was furloughed, my in-laws offered us a place to move in to for 1/2 of what we’re paying now. We thought it was very generous of them and agreed. We planned to move in July and stay there until we can buy a house. We’ve had this planned for a couple months now.
Last week my MIL called and told me that they rented the unit we were supposed to move in to. She offered to let us move in to their house instead. Their house is huge and beautiful - we would even have our own floor with a separate kitchen, etc. But as I mentioned...my MIL is very overbearing. I’m also working from home full time until at least October.
I mentioned this to my parents, who offered us up their sailboat to move to. It’s moored in the city, has enough space for us, and would be completely free except utilities and moorage. My parents normally sail over the summers, but can’t because of border restrictions, so it’s largely unused at the moment anyway. We decided this was the right option for us and would be fun. I grew up at times on a sailboat so this is not entirely out of my wheelhouse.
We let my in-laws know and they are very upset. They feel as though we “hate” them and would rather live on an old boat than with them. Which I guess is...kinda true, but we don’t hate them. I feel bad for upsetting them, and I can see how this makes us look ungrateful. AITA for living on a sailboat instead of my in-laws very nice home? ###### | NTA. You were *never* going to get the unit they origonaly offered, getting you into their house was always their plan. If it wasn't they wouldn't have rented the unit. Well done for not falling for it. ###### |
Hi Reddit,
I know the title sounds crazy but I just want to know if I’m in the right or wrong.
A couple of months ago, My ex girlfriend came to visit me while I was sick at home. We had been in the breaking up stage for months, with no end in sight <she did not want to let go>. I had moved on emotionally and really wanted nothing to do with her. Ex girlfriend comes to my house, without notice, and proceeds to talk about nonsense and why do I want to leave her, and me being sick and not wanting any drama, asks her to leave. She refuses to leave and i let her know that if she doesn’t leave I will call the police. After that she locks herself in my room, and I proceeded to call. Cops arrive and remove her, but she claims she came to pick up some items (false).
Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. You warned her that if she didnt leave youd call the police. Actually doing it let her know you're serious for the future if she tries something again. ###### |
My mom just unexpectedly died from cancer. This has been the most difficult experience of my life, and I really needed my boyfriend to fly home. I voiced that I would pay for his ticket, but he replied that he thought it would be better if I flew to his place on our already planned trip in a week. I have three kids who are devastated and this is really not possible anymore. He also has a flight here for June 6th but didn’t reschedule.
At first, the issue was he needed to be home to rent the open rooms in his house. But that has been mostly resolved and he’s shown no urgency. He has been there for me communicatively but I really just need to be held and cry.
I wanted (needed) him here, and kindly voiced how it would mean a lot to me. However, I am at a point in my life where I won’t beg, nor try to change anyone. If he wanted to be here, he would, right? This is causing me to seriously second guess if we are on the same page. AITA?
He also has traveled home during the pandemic, so respectfully that argument is null.
Edit: Asking for opinions because obviously I want to bring this up, and am considering taking space or ending it if I am not the asshole, and he tries to make me feel like one. ###### | NTA. You voiced your need and he has dismissed it. That is an awful to have in a partner.
If I was in this position I would honestly tell him that if he can't be there for your most desperate time in need, then he can keep his ass away for that June 6th trip.
I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry your partner is not realizing how they are a massive dick in this situation. ###### |
We are unemployed due to COVID-19 and trying to save and budget our money.
My girlfriend just excitedly told me she just spent over $300 in house plants for a house we rent expecting me to be happy as well. Needless to say, I got a bit angry and told her that it was a really dumb financial decision at this time.
Now she is mad at me and is calling me a dick for not being excited as well.
Am I the asshole?
Edit because people are asking: we have been in a 10 year committed relationship and share all of our finances. ###### | NTA. You two need to have the money talk because if you arent on the same page financially, this relationship is doomed. ###### |
So this happened before lockdown... normally I hate giving wait staff a hard time because I get that their jobs hard...
So I went to dinner at a tgis with my boyfriend. We ordered starters, mains and drinks all at the same time. Starters and drinks came and it was fine. But slowly we ran out of drinks and we were in a bit of a back corner and no one was coming over...
We just kind of waited for our food but it got to about 40 minutes since we’d had our starters so we tried flagging down a waitress which took another 20 minutes and asked about our food... she was polite, apologised and left to find out about our food.
She didn’t come back... 10 minutes later we asked another waitress, same thing, she apologised then didn’t come back to speak to us... 3rd time we asked a waitress and the same thing happened again.
I was mad at this point and so we left just enough to cover the drinks and starters on the table and started to walk out... a waitress came running at us saying we can’t leave as we hadn’t paid yet. We told her that there was money on the table and she told us we had to pay for the whole meal (which we hadn’t received yet). She called the manager out and as she did this our food finally came out... about 2 hours after our starter.
We got mad as hell picked up the money on the table, gave the manager a chewing out and wrote a letter to corporate....
It’s not that they forgot about us, it’s the fact that we asked for help and they completely ignored us....
So AITA for walking out on the bill? ###### | NTA. You tried to pay for the starters and drinks. You weren’t walking out on the bill until they finally gave you attention to flag you down and pay for food you didn’t receive. Thats BS. It was fair to walk away. A good restaurant would have comped your food for the shitty service anyway. ###### |
I'm married and have a 10yo son and a 11yo step-son. I don't have much of a relationship with my step-son's mom. I don't think she likes me. Fortunately, my son and step-son grew up together so they get along, go to the same school and hang out with the same friends. I went to go pick up my son from the park and my step-son was going to be picked up by his mom for the week. I didn't want to leave my step-son all by himself at the park so I stayed. His mom was suppose to be there at 4PM and it was already 4:30PM with no word from her. I tried calling, texting and emailing. Nothing. My husband on a plane so he wasn't going to pick up.
I ended taking both kids back to our house. Around 5PM, I get a call from my step-son's mom bitching at me over taking her son back home. I explained that we waited an hour and tried to contact her. I didn't want to leave him all by himself at the park. She said I had no right to do that and I should have moved mountains to get my husband on the phone to discuss. There had been a miscommunication between her and my husband as my husband - he was in a different timezone when they coordinated his pickup so he was off by an hour. She used that hour to go to a spa hence her unavailability. My messages got buried under other messages. She said she was scared that something happened to her only child and I should have contacted her again and it was an asshole thing to do. ###### | NTA. You tried to get a hold of her many times, and you wanted your step-son to be safe. ###### |
I live by a strict...rule(?) of confidentiality. You tell me something and tell me not to tell anyone I will take it to my grave. I expect the same thing back in any of my relationships with people. Obviously its discussed and the trust is built and what not. If I hear back something I have shared with you from someone else, I don't care how long we've been friends. I'll drop you as a friend. I'm loving, caring, and supporting to my friends, heck to random strangers on the internet on a daily. But that's the one thing that matters more to me than anything. I'm an over sharer, and I excitedly tell people things about myself, often followed by a want of things to be kept between us. I'm told this comes to get me quite often, but it's only to those I truly feel like I can tell.
As you might've assumed I no longer want to be friends with a close friend of mine, and my family isn't supportive of it because their "so good for me" and I "would be crazy" and a "asshole to let go of the friendship". The person told three other people of a big secret I was so scared to tell them, I don't understand why and when asked they said they didnt either. It just doesn't quite make sense to me to continue the friendship, if you could easily slip something like that without feeling bad then I shouldn't feel bad about removing you from my life. My family wants me to rekindle this, but I can't. A secret like that is purposely told. It doesn't slip out of your mouth.
Personally I don't think I'm an asshole at all, reddit? ###### | NTA. You told them something important to you in confidence, and they told others. That is extremely toxic behavior. You were right to drop them as a friend. Don't listen to others who say you are wrong. They aren't you. You were the one this happened to, and it was your choice to make. ###### |
Some days ago one of my long term “friends” called my mother a cow for no reason in our group chat. He had been saying that to me and some other friends some for some days prior and we told him he was going too far and to stop because it was rude. He kept doing it and I once again told him to stop and that I’d fight him if he ever did it again.
So a couple of days later we were talking about Bernie Sanders dropping and I asked who they were planning on voting now. He said “ur mom” then in another message added “who happens to be a cow” so I told him off, told him I’d fight him if I ever saw him again, and kicked him out of the chat. I later asked him if he had a problem with me or why he was saying that about my mother and he said he was doing it because he thought it was funny and apologized but I didn’t accept his apology as I had already told him to stop and he had crossed the line for being unnecessarily rude.
Now the rest of my “friends” are defending him saying he was just joking and they invited him back and now they are treating me like I am the asshole for not forgiving him. I then left the group chat and I haven’t talked to any of them since. Honestly I think I can’t be friends with anyone who can’t respect my mom especially after she did nothing but be super nice to all my friends. ###### | NTA. You told him to stop. He did not. It's not just insulting your mom here, he clearly doesn't respect **you**. ###### |
Weeks ago my friend Paul, who is a first time dog owner, told me that his puppy seemed a bit sad and didn’t want to play. I told him to go to the vet and have it checked because it could be something. He said he would do it that weekend. The next Monday I asked him how his dog is doing and what the vet’s diagnosis is. He said he didn’t get take the dog to the vet because he and his family had a cook out. I told him to make time because it’s one of his responsibilities as a pet owner, and he said he would.
The next week he told me that his dog threw up and asked what he should do to make it feel better. I said that it’s not uncommon for dogs to throw up, but he should really go to the vet because the last time my dog was lethargic, it turned out that he had ehrlichia which can be fatal if untreated, and vomiting is also a symptom of that disease. He said he would take his dog to the vet that weekend, but when Sunday came around and I asked him about his dog, he hadn’t taken it to the vet.
Today he called me sounding very anxious and said that his dog didn’t want to eat so he finally took him to the vet the tests showed that his dog does have ehrlichia. He said he remembers me saying that it’s fatal, and he said he's really worried and he doesn’t know if he can take it if his dog dies.
I told him and said that it’s rich for him to say that now, considering that his dog has been showing symptoms for weeks and I’ve been telling him to take it to the vet for weeks but he kept on putting it off. He needed only one hour in the past three weeks to go to the vet but he waited until things got worse. So now if anything happens to his dog, I think he can definitely ‘take it’ since he didn’t seemed concerned about it even though it hadn’t been itself for weeks.
He got angry at me and said that he was already feeling low and he just wanted my support as a friend and as someone who has been in this situation before but all I’m doing is blaming him.
Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. You told him repeatedly what he should be doing and the potential consequences... He didn't listen. ###### |
My fiancé has been jobless for almost an entire year now. I am currently working two jobs (roughly 65 hours a week) and am frequently exhausted when I get home. With our current situation, I have asked that she do most of the cleaning because I usually don’t have the time to do it properly and I don’t want to live in a pig sty.
I don’t ask her to do everything and I don’t ask her to clean up after me. I do my own dishes and what is in the sink while I’m doing my own, I take out the trash on my way out, and I do a load (or more) of laundry every day. I leave at 6am most mornings and don’t get home until around 7-8 every night.
With this being said, I’ve talk to her and ask her to do a few things here and there to get things together. She always argues with me that she shouldn’t be doing all the cleaning and normally I would agree. HOWEVER, she sits at home all day and does nothing but watch tv or play games while I am working my ass off to support the both of us until she can find a job! When she gets one I can loosen my hours so I’m not working so much and it will go back to equal amounts of chores. AITA??
Also for clarification, this isn’t some sexist bs, we are both female.
Tl;Dr my unemployed (not COVID-19 related) fiancée complains about having to do most of the cleaning while I’m working two jobs to support the both of us. ###### | NTA. You think it's bad now, it's only going to get worse later. You'll be happier with a hires cleaner minus a gf. ###### |
I live with a sibling, we have been roommates for a while. Their luggage broke down years ago, not long before I bought a set for myself for a little over a $110. Since then every time they go out of town they insist on using mine. I personally don't use them often whereas they go out of town a several times a year.
I don't like lending out my luggage in general because I know luggage breaks down the more the suitcases are used. Plus whatever unexpected things may happen beyond the person's control. The set itself was cheap altogether, which makes makes me think they aren't the best of quality in the first place and therefore aren't expected to last long.
I bought the set so that I'd always have them incase I needed them, which sometimes is unexpected. The fact that another person is putting all the miles on something I bought and could wear or break down before I even get my money's worth out of them doesn't sit well with me.
As for the sibling, we share a lot of mutual stuff as "house stuff" but luggage has never been one of them.
AITA for putting my foot down and telling them they can't use luggage on this trip and to get their own. ###### | NTA. You spent a lot of money on it. They should buy their own. ###### |
Hi. So my whole life I (f16) have loved the taste of coffee but I have a sensitivity to caffeine. Normally I order decaf because it's so little caffeine it doesn't really negatively affect me. Today I went to a local chain coffee shop and ordered a decaf coffee. I was careful to mention my caffeine sensitivity and double-check that it was decaf. About an hour later I realized it wasn't decaf. I ended up shaking, having multiple panic-attacks, being incredibly nauseous, and unable to take my asthma medication because it is a stimulant.
I sent a video to my friend freaking out because I haven't had an episode like this in years and she got really upset with me. She kept calling me a Karen and telling me I was being ungrateful and rude and that service workers mess up some times and I have to cut them some slack. I never said it was the service worker's fault and never even informed the worker of what happened. She isn't a service worker and has never had a job, but she seems to be taking this very personally and I don't know why.
I could totally be in the wrong here so I just need to know, am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. You specifically mentioned you have a caffeine sensitivity and ordered decaf. Your friend is an AH for downplaying it and not taking your health seriously. Honestly she sounds like a bad friend. ###### |
Recently broke up with my gf because she was super abusive. Her sister is also abusive towards her fiancé and it comes from their abusive dad. A couple days after we broke up, the sisters fiancé texted me and asked what happened. I told him how abusive my ex was and I gave him examples of why. Less than a week later, his engagement was called off suddenly for unknown reasons. He then told me he realized that he was in the same shoes as me and didn’t notice that his relationship was toxic. He said he was happy and thanked me for opening his eyes.
The rest of the family found out and are blaming me for breaking apart the couple. I’ve been accused of ruining the sisters life. I told them it was the fiancés decision and I’m not responsible. They disagree and accused me of spreading lies to get back at my ex. I don’t feel bad at all but my friends tell me that I should have stayed out of it and that I’m an asshole.
BTW both the sisters and the dad are in denial that they are abusive and manipulative. So they truly believe that I fucked everything up.
AITA? ###### | NTA. You spared him from a horrible marriage. No one should be in a relationship like that. ###### |
AMITA
This might be a long post, so bear with me.
So my step dad works remotely due to COVID, but because of the significance of his position, he has to go into work Monday and Tuesday. I work 6 days a week, I'm up by 5:30 and out by 6:15ish, he's meant to be out at the same time.
The first time my mom asked me to wake him up, I went with it, thinking nothing of it. Then, the next week, she didn't ask me to wake him, so I didn't. I got a passive aggressive phone call from her later that day saying that he was late for work since I didn't wake him.
I asked her why he needed someone to wake him up, she says he sleeps over his alarm. As a 62 year old man, and having such an important job, one would think he would get himself out of bed to get to work, but apparently not.
I've known people that say they set multiple alarms, and still manage to sleep over them. I myself don't get it. I kinda feel like it's the person's responsibility to wake themselves up for work. I don't like being woken up by anything but my alarm clock, myself.
I recently started leaving the house earlier, so I wouldn't be obligated to wake up a grown man so he can make it to work on time.
AMITA for not wanting to be responsible for a grown ass man? ###### | NTA. You shouldn’t be EXPECTED to do it. He should set multiple alarms if he can’t get up or use one of those super loud alarms or something. I’m so perturbed by the idea of a grown man expecting someone else to wake them up. ###### |
Hello!
My sister said I could use her throwaway account so I didn’t have ties to my personal one. Also on mobile.
My husband’s sister, my SIL, is due to get married next month. The venue is allowing her wedding but they had to heavily adjust the guest list. My daughter was set to be the flower girl and my husband and I would just be attending as a guest. I was cut from the guest list. I understand as I have never been made to feel welcomed in the family and we’re not that close. Why take up a spot when she has plenty of other people she wants around?
Well due to obvious reasons, and my husband’s job banning travel (the only travel he is allowed is a work related trip here in the near future), he told my SIL they would no longer be able to attend. My SIL then decided that I would be the one to bring my daughter to the wedding but I still wouldn’t be a guest. I would just be driving her 12 hours to another state and hanging out at the grandparents home while everyone else is at the wedding.
Here’s where I feel like TA.
I informed her that I would not be sending or traveling with my daughter because 1- am immune compromised, 2- I have school (online) and a work from home job that demand my time as well, and 3- there are family members who my husband is no contact with and he would not want her around these people without one of us present.
This information caused her to massively flip. She said I was salty because I was cut from the guest list, she now no longer has a flower girl, and I’m ruining a very special family picture she has in mind. She was going to have a family photo taken at my MIL’s grave with everyone in wedding attire. I mentioned that my husband wouldn’t even be in the picture because he wouldn’t be able to attend but she just kept blaming me.
I’m honestly starting to overthink this to where I’m feeling like an asshole and maybe I should find a way to get my daughter there.
So Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. you shouldn't have to chauffer your daughter 12 hours over to a wedding you won't be attending, immunocompromised during a pandemic or not! they know she's a child and will want her parent after being at a wedding for hours, right? SIL is insane. ###### |
My (16m) mom is registered as a foster mom for emergencies. We've had many kids stay at our house for short periods of time. Usually it would be one kid at a time. However, last year, my mom was asked to temporarily let 3 kids stay with us. The mother of the 3 kids recently had a psychosis and the kids had no other family members living in the country. We were all a bit more emotionally connected to these kids, because they were the youngest we ever housed (6,7 and 10). Good news, after three months their mom recovered and they were allowed to go live with her again, but it only lasted shortly as their mom quickly relapsed again. Now my mom has just been asked if she wants to care for the children indefinetly, as their mom's current situation is not very promising.
My mom just asked me and my siblings about our opinion, but I was the only one who didn't want it. I told my mom my primary reason was because of the lack of space, and also because my parents are already quite old (my mom is 59 and my dad is 65) So I can't imagine that they'll be able to raise these young kids until they reach the age of 18.
some more info: I live in a 4 bedroom house with 3 other siblings and my parents. I have always had to share a room with my younger brother but my sister is leaving for college next year and I would finally have my own room. If the 3 kids come live with us, they will have to share one room, and my brother and I will have to share a room until I go to college. Especially now it's very stressful being around so many people and I can't imagine always living like this. ###### | NTA. You shouldn't have 8 people living in a four bedroom house. Obviously it's depending on who you ask. But they're already near/in their sixties and will not be able to properly take care of these three children plus your siblings at that age. That also depends on who they are but it seems like you're concerned for their state of health AND the lack of space. ###### |
Hi, I had to get this off of my chest because I’m still stewing about it. This happened yesterday.
My state is slowly lifting covid sanctions so my parents decided to drag me and my brother to a plant nursery. Afterward, we stopped by my parents’ friend’s house to drop off some trees we had bought for them. We were only supposed to stay for five minutes but parents never mean it when they say that.
For context, I’m in my twenties and I am lucky enough to live with my parents so I can aggressively pay off my student loans. I have a full time job that is about 14 hours a day and an hour commute one way. I’m writing this before work. So since I get up at 3am and have a long day ahead of me, I’m very strict with my sleep and aim to go to bed around 8pm. If I get less than 7 hours, I crash in the middle of the day.
Basically what it boils down to is my parents were having a great time shooting the shit and getting drunk and I was anxious about everything I had to do the night before work. So when it got to be 6pm and they had been telling me we were leaving soon for the last two hours, and they were pouring more wine I said “please, no more wine, can we go home?”
This turned into a whole thing and I almost called an Uber but they ended up getting motivated to leave at around 6:30. So all the way home, for 30 minutes, I got lectured about how selfish I am and how I can’t make sacrifices for my family. I was so angry because the argument made no sense to me. Yeah, I do think my sleep is more important than you getting drunk with friends, do that on your own time without dragging me and my brother along. And I don’t care that you haven’t seen your friends in months, we’re in a pandemic, no one has seen their friends. But apparently I embarrassed them, ruined the mood, and need to relax about work.
So tell me reddit, which one of us is overreacting? ###### | NTA. You should've driven off and told them to get an Uber if they want to stay. ###### |
I’ll try to keep this short and simple. I have 2 kids, 5 grandkids.
Carlie—has 2 kids, lives with me and has always lived close by. I’m very involved in my grandkids lives. I’ve always been the main childcare provider and as stated above, they live with me for the time being so I’m around them a lot.
Meg—has 3 kids and has lived in another state since she went away to college 10 years ago. I see her and my grandkids roughly 3-4x a year.
For Easter I bought Carlie’s kids window paint and let them paint on the house and car windows. I also made bunny shaped pancakes.
For Meg’s kids I sent gifts—paw patrol figurine set, Jojo siwa craft set, and a lego set(1 gift for each kid) + a bubble gun for each kid + extra sand for their new sandbox.
Carlie saw that I sent all this stuff to Meg’s kids(via Facebook) and started making passive aggressive comments about how her kids didn’t even get actual toys from me for Easter but my other grandkids did.
It later escalated to her saying that I am spoiling my other grandkids to punish her kids because they live with me(?? Not true at all). I have my reasons for gifting them so much—1) I buy random stuff for Carlie’s kids consistently throughout the year, when they go to the store with me or I happen to see something they’d like 2) I had plans to go visit Meg’s kids for spring break and would’ve bought them stuff then but that got canceled ###### | NTA. You should tell Carlie that if she's concerned her kids are being shortchanged she should remember how much professional childcare is.
Also the time you spend with the kids is way more valuable than chocolate and plastic. Carlie sounds entitled, you sound like a fantastic grandmother. ###### |
A year ago, my grandfather passed away. He was the family patriarch and it was hard on all of us, but especially myself and my sister who he pretty much raised after our father passed.
At the funeral, I was most focused on my mom, my sister and making sure everything went as planned. I guess my sister noticed what people wore. A lot of people showed up and a few did show up in jeans. Others wore sneakers. My grandfather would not have cared. He went to church every Sunday and dressed up for grandma, but then changed as soon as we left service. Is it appropriate funeral attire? No. But it wasn’t like they wore bright colors or disrupted the service in my opinion. To my sister, it did and she feels it was the epitome of disrespect to not wear slacks and dress shoes. Everyone who went probably had nice clothes in their closet, but maybe didn’t want to wear them. Maybe they thought they were paying homage to Grandpa. I don’t know. Some are family members, some family friends.
But a year later and my sister is still pissed. She won’t talk to these family members and when before lockdown, we had my daughter’s communion. She refused to talk to these people. Recently, she went on a rant about it again. I told her she needed to get over it. She told me I was as insensitive as them and hung up. I wore a dress and stockings!
Am I being an ass by thinking she needs to let it go and that it’s no big deal? ###### | NTA. You should probably refer her to a therapist. This is a strange fixation to have that could have been triggered by grief. ###### |
Hello all. I'm on mobile, so sorry for any formatting errors on my part.
Me (30M) and my girlfriend (28F) have been together for 3 years and we have a baby girl that will soon be turning 2 this summer. My girlfriend wants to get our baby baptized and I am fully on board with this.
I am an atheist now but I grew up Catholic. At first I was on the fence about baptizing our baby but after some thought I said I was totally fine with it. So my girlfriend starting looking into churches to get this done at (before the lockdown). She told me about a few places but we would have to join the church our baby gets baptized at. I'm not ok with joining a church.
Some background: As before, I grew up Catholic but no longer a believer. As a child, I was not treated well in the church. I won't go into details but my girlfriend knows about my experiences and is insisting that I join the church with her to get our baby baptized.
I told her I'm happy to support our baby getting baptized at the church but I do not want to join one or attend one, except for the baptizing ceremony. I said if she wants to go to church, she is free to do so as it's not my right to stop her. I said my experiences really left a sour taste in my mouth and I don't want to go back to the source of a childhood trauma.
My girlfriend said I'm being selfish and I'm not thinking of our baby. We haven't spoken about this since the lockdown started.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm out of line here and if I'm being a jerk.
So reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. You should never be forced to go somewhere that makes you feel uncomfortable and unsafe ###### |
Title pretty much says it all. My friend was checking on my cats while I was on vacation (this was last year). Basically I was supposed to pay her $20/day for the week.
Then (while I was on vacation), apparently she somehow ran over the light post in my yard. It broke in half and she tore out some of the underground electrical, along with one of my most beloved plants. Thankfully I was able to save my plant. I know that sounds dumb but it took me forever to actually get this thing to thrive.
My friend offered to pay for it, so I had some electricians come out and look at it and they all recommended I use my home owners deductible to get it fixed, which is $500. I believe the cheapest contractor was $800. After she heard the estimate, she spazzed and said she couldn’t pay that. So I said I would keep the money I owed her for cat-sitting and pay the rest of the deductible. She got upset and said that wasn’t our agreement, but I don’t really want to pay her after needing to pay this deductible for something that was blatantly her fault.
AITA here? ###### | NTA. You should file a claim against her auto insurer to recover the cost of your deductible. If she is insured, her auto insurance should cover property damage she does with her vehicle. ###### |
I ordered some food from UberEats and receive a message stating that it should be delivered in no later than 30 minutes. Sounds good.
I leave a note stating that I would prefer to have the food left in front of my door. I live in an apartment complex, and not all couriers are familiar with the layout, so I include instructions detailing how to find my building and unit.
30 minutes go by and I receive a message stating that my food was delivered. I check outside my door and notice that it isn't there. I investigate further and eventually find out that it was left on the front porch of the leasing office, which was closed and unoccupied at the time.
I ended up having to drive a few minutes out in the rain to obtain my food, which could have easily been stolen by an animal or other person within that timeframe.
Given that I left specific instructions detailing how to find my apartment and there were no attempts by the courier to contact me and confirm that they left the food in the right location, I got frustrated with his failure to pay attention to detail and follow instructions and decided to leave the courier a 1-star review and no tip.
In my mind, tips should only be awarded for good or better service and no one is entitled to them.
AITA here? ###### | NTA. You should contact Uber Eats and get a refund. ###### |
So we were all at dinner once and my brother asked why we didn’t say grace, because his girlfriends family said grace.
My mom said that we could say grace if he wanted to, and so we did. Now she wants us to do it every night before dinner, but I just refuse to. She always seems annoyed when I refuse to join the family.
Just a little background - I’m not religious, I could care less if there was a god or not, I just don’t have any reason to believe there is. My parents took us to church like twice in our entire lives, and they’re somehow surprised I’m not religious.
Sorry if this is rushed, if you need more info feel free to ask :) ###### | NTA. You should be allowed to just bow your head and think about other things while the rest of the family takes part. ###### |
A few days ago, my (16F) mom (50) told me that she recorded me singing in the shower from outside the door. Later, one of her friends was over and asked me if I would sing. My mom said that she showed him the video. I didn't say much then, but today, I brought it up and told her she shouldn't record me without my permission or send it to other people.
She almost immediately started screaming at me, saying she never said anything about showing someone else, and that she recorded it for herself because I never sing for her when she asks. It seems like a pretty big deal to her. I get the feeling now she's going to be mad at me for the next few weeks. AITA? ###### | NTA. You should be allowed to have your boundaries without being shamed/yelled at for it. ###### |
So for context I (16F) live with my mother and two younger brothers.
My mom sometimes enters the bathroom while I’m occupied in it. This doesn’t happen every single time i’m in there, but over the years she has done it quite a lot.
I take around 30 minute showers. Sometimes she needs to use the restroom or she needs to apply her makeup and she just doesn’t wait for me to finish showering. She shouts at on the other side of the door and says, “I’m going to go in!” I shout back no, yet she does it anyways. To do this she gets a fork and picks at the door lock she can open the door.
The thing is I’m not comfortable with her just walking in when I’m taking a shower. I’m uncomfortable with her seeing me naked at this age honestly. When I told her this she said, “Why? You’re a girl and besides, I saw you naked all the time when you were very young.” I retort that she never goes into the bathroom when my younger brothers are taking a shower and she just says “that’s because they are boys. I can’t do that.”
At this point I’m beyond frustrated so I just walk away. The next day while I’m taking a shower the same thing is about to happen and I just lose it. I yelled “You are so fucking annoying” and my mom is so angry. I’ve never sweared or said anything that aggressive like that towards her before.
When I finish showering she goes on a 15 minute rant saying things like how I disrespected her and that she can do whatever she wants because she owns the house.
I am currently grounded. She took my old tablet, she doesn’t let me watch TV, and I’m not allowed to use the house computer. However, I hid my phone away from her and I only use it while not near me and I’m in my room. She’s very angry at me and says that I will stay grounded until I give her my phone. I’m honestly not going to do that and my phone is the only device I use anyways so I don’t really care.
So Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. You should be able to shower in peace ###### |
My dad passed away last year on my birthday, I was very close with him and am still getting through this loss. I had told my husband and family that the only thing I want for my birthday this year is to just be left alone and mourn if I need to or to relax and have some time to myself. I don’t want to fake being happy and social that day.
My brother in law and his wife are having their second child in early June and live about 1,700 miles away. My husband and his parents now want to go visit my bil the first week of July (which is when my birthday is) if all of the travel bans are lifted and if Coronavirus seems to be less of a threat.
I said I would prefer if we waited for the week after my birthday to go, or if they can’t wait, that I’m fine if they go without me and I can go at a later time. My in laws think I’m being unreasonable and that I should just push aside how I’m feeling. Also that I should use seeing the new baby and being social as a distraction to my sadness to “get over it faster.” AITA for not wanting to follow along with their travel plans? ###### | NTA. You set a reasonable boundary. You do not need to cross the line in the sand. I am sorry for your loss. ###### |
I (21F) had a friend who constantly meets random men online, which is ok but many of the guys she's met have ended up threatening her or stealing from her. We were talking about dating apps when I said the guys she meets make me uncomfortable and I don't really want to be around them. She seemed to understand and was ok with it.
One day later, we were going to hang out and I was going to drive us to another city about an hour away. She showed up with a guy she'd just met online. I was kind of mad because we'd literally just had this conversation and she didn't even tell me she was bringing him. It was kind of a long trip and I'd never met the guy, so I said I didn't want to go with him and we should go another day. She went home and we haven't talked since. If she would have asked me, I might have gone anyway even though I was extremely uncomfortable, but I felt a little disrespected as a friend and afraid for our safety.
AITA? ###### | NTA. You set a boundary that she agreed to, then crossed it knowing you were uncomfortable. It would be different if she'd been going out with the guy for a while, but not a stranger. You're in the right. ###### |
I (24f) have a 6 year old son. I’m a highschool dropout and my family cut me off when I was pregnant with him. when I was kicked out my friend took me in so I wouldn‘t be homeless. I started working on retail and got back on my feet ,I‘ve been renting an apartmant for 2 years now and got a better job
I started doing drugs at 17 and sleeping around at 16. Two years after my son was born he was taken away,my sister got custody of him, because I was niglecting him and my friend had to work,so she couldn‘t take care of him. She was the one who called CPS. she was also the one to convince me to go to rehab.I’m forever thankful for her
I‘ve been clean for almost 3 years and won custody of my son back a little after I started living by myself.I know I screwdup REAL BAD and I try to make up for it everyday. I love my son more than I ever loved anyone,I hate myself for what i did to him. He gets good grades and I do my best to help him in everyway I can. I don‘t know if he remembers what happened but it breaks my heart everytime he does something that is a consaquence of what I did to him
My family recently started trying to reconsile with me because they want to be apart of my sons life and I gave them a chance. But their telling me all the time that my son should of been raised by my sister. My sister is on my side and she knows I’m taking care of him but all the other relatives think he isn‘t in good hands .My mom thinks I don‘t deserve him because of what I did. I‘m not going to give up custody of him but I want to know am I wrong for getting him back? ###### | NTA. You screwed up, but you did what you needed to do in order to get your life together and get your son back. You deserve to raise your son and he deserves to be raised by his mother if that’s the healthiest situation for both of you. Fuck what your family says. If they can’t be supportive, cut them out. Your son doesn’t need to be around people who are disrespectful of his mother. ###### |
I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (24M) for about 4 months now. This is our only real problem right now.
The small arguments we had, he refused to talk about it and 'solved' it by getting me flowers and chocolates, or another gift. The first time I thought he was maybe nervous, or wanted to keep the peace since this was our first argument. But it's happened several times.
I told him it makes me uncomfortable, that instead of learning how to navigate problems together and communicate effectively it feels like he just wants to 'buy forgiveness' and move on.
He said something pretty offensive about my family last week, I explained why I didn't like what he said and asked if we could talk about it. He told me he didn't want to fight and hung up, and showed up the next day with a pretty expensive necklace. I told him it's a nice gesture, but I don't want a necklace, I want us to be able to talk about these things. He got frustrated and left, calling me ungrateful.
The next day he sent a bouquet of flowers. We're both getting frustrated at this point. But I don't think we can just keep doing this, we have an argument, he buys me something, we move on and never talk about it? That doesn't seem healthy.
AITA for not just forgiving him? ###### | NTA. You say this is your only issue, but it is a BIG one. It's an indicator that he has no intention of facing his own flaws or learning how to communicate with you in a healthy or productive way, especially about important things like respecting your family.
It's really sad that he has developed a belief that money will let him get away with whatever he wants. Maybe one day he'll meet someone who only wants him for his money, and he'll have found his perfect match. ###### |
I've been saving up in order to move out in order to escape my mother for my own sanity. While checking my online statements with my bank app I found out my mom has taken over $700 out of my account, not counting the 200 i loaned to her.
To say I was pissed is an understatement but I'm too afraid to confront her, so I just decided to move all my money into a new account without her knowledge.
Yesterday our dog got hurt and now she's limping, my mom took her to the vet and came home around thirty minutes later, demanding to know where all my money is.
I asked her what she was talking about and she started yelling at me, saying that 'you need to put the money back' and 'i need it in case of emergencies like this!' I tried telling her that if she needed money I would loan it to her and she just needed to ask but all I got back was 'You live under my roof, the least you can do is help me without me having to ask for it.'
My family is devided, they know cuz afterwards my mom called my relatives to complain about me, on if I'm an asshole or not for moving the money without my mother's knowledge.
AITA?
(Edit: I am currently 18 and work full time. I pay rent and part of our phone bill while having chores. I told her I'd pay for the dogs appointment but my mom is refusing until i put the money back) ###### | NTA. You saved up the money for yourself and it's your money. Nobody has the right to use it without asking you first ###### |
It takes 2 people 2 hours to open the store properly. My teammate wasn’t there at 9. I texted him at 9:15 asking if he was on his way. No answer. I went into solo mode in case he didn’t show up. He finally responds almost 2 hours later saying he was distraught over his childhood friend getting killed in a car crash. I told him to take care of himself & I’d see him next week. I’ve dealt with death of a loved one enough to have sympathy, which is why I didn’t fire him on the spot. He’s good at the job & easy to work with. On his next shift I had him sign a write up. He got upset, he shuts down when he’s mad & becomes passive aggressive. I wrote on the sheet that because of his track record I wouldn’t suggest dismissal. I told him it was policy to be fired but since I had authority to waive that, it was just a formality. I just had another employee do a no call/no show because she read the schedule wrong. I also gave her a second chance with just a write up because it inconvenienced no one but me. Different circumstances but I can’t write one up & not the other.
So, Am I the Asshole? He’s been sulky & talking shit about me. In my professional mind I know I had no choice but my heart hurts because of it. ###### | NTA. You saved him from getting fired, and is now mad he got written up. ###### |
Okay for background information, I’m 18F and just recently lost my virginity a month ago. I’ve been regularly sleeping with the guy since losing it. There was a day where the condom broke and it made me start thinking about getting on birth control so that I’m double protected, I was a little hesitant at first because of all the side effects so I decided to go to the doctor and talk about my options. She ended up prescribing me the pills and I guess my mom’s number is connected to my pharmacy profile because she gets a text saying that the birth control pills have been filled. She starts blowing up my phone asking why I got birth control so I told her...
Now she’s been going off on me saying I’m a disappointment and that I’m stupid for having sex and I just don’t understand? I feel like in my generation sex is just such a normal and talked about thing. I’m 18 and starting college this year.. if I didn’t lose it now I would’ve definitely ended up losing it in college anyways. But she’s starting to make me feel kinda guilty about it.. saying that I’m not the daughter she raised and she expected better of me. Also she’s mad over the fact that I didn’t tell her but I find that kinda weird and an invasion of privacy. I feel like it’s none of her business what I choose to do with my body. But I’ll ask you guys, AITA for having sex and for not telling her about it?
BTW I never brought the guy into our house, I find that disrespectful. ###### | NTA. You said it, sis. It’s really none of her business, and you’re doing the right thing by not bringing the person over if your mom doesn’t allow it. Being on birth control (or alternatives) is a good thought too. But no, it’s absolutely normal to be having sex and her making you feel guilty about it is probably just her projecting her own insecurities on you, and that’s absolutely not fair. ###### |
My bf of 2 years went on a camping trip right before all the lockdowns and quarantine measures started. He went with 2 girls from his college outdoorsy club that he doesn't know very well and who I've never met. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't super thrilled about that, but I didn't say anything cause I know that was just my own insecurities getting to me.
On the trip, we didn't talk much but he did call me once and told me the trip was going well. He came back from the trip, said it was fun and they just hiked and fished and stuff, and I was glad he had a good time. Yesterday we were cleaning the apartment and reorganizing and I pulled his sleeping bag from a closet and noticed there was a small rip in it. A hole maybe like 2 or 3 inches across. I asked if he wanted me to try to fix it. He kinda dismissively said "oh I'll just buy another, I didn't even use it on the trip" and so I asked, "then how did you sleep?"
He looked like a deer caught in headlights and tried to backtrack, but then eventually admitted he ended up sharing a bag with one of the other girls. Not one of those fancy double bags either, just a regular one. I'm pretty pissed because he got mad at me for sharing a king bed with my gay male friend once, which I apologized for and we agreed that bedsharing was a boundary for us. We live in a warm area and it wasn't cold the weekend he went, certainly not cold enough to necessitate sharing a bag for "body heat" like he says. If his bag was completely destroyed I would've understood, but imo it was still usable and NOT bad enough to break a boundary we had established. And then he lied about it and hid it from me. Am I overreacting? He says nothing happened and I guess I believe him but I still feel like he broke my trust somehow. Or is this not a big deal? Is this normal for camping? AITA for being angry with him? ###### | NTA. You said it yourself, he has already established that bed sharing is a boundary for him, and you agreed. Violation number 1.
Then, he gets a deer in the headlights look when you question him about his sleeping arrangement, indicating he didn't intend to tell you about the issue and instead meant to lie and keep it from you. Violation number 2.
He is an AH. Big time. ###### |
My friends and I (20M, we all around 20) go into a group facetime call and just chill and talk on it. Sometimes we play games, but we mainly just talk, we usually call for literal hours.
Theres this one girl in our group call, that has recently started learning how to play the ukulele.
It's great and all, but its really annoying to hear it over the mic, shes not bad, but she makes alot of mistakes, she keeps plucking strings until she finally hits the right one, which is what makes it such an annoyance.
I've literally asked her a handful of times to stop because its really loud over the mic, whenever I do she just starts singing to drown me out.
When were playing games, all I hear in the background is a shitty ukulele and a decent voice.
This past monday, she joined the call and she was holding her stupid ukulele. I clicked on her icon, and muted it. Since then I've muted her during all the calls because it seems like all she wants to do is just play the ukulele, I've realized that she doesnt even notice because she never talks. Not one of my friends in the call said a word about me muting her because I assumed they all agreed it was annoying as fuck.
Today she found out that I was muting her without her knowledge and she bitched and cried about how much of a dick move it was to do something like that, and now everyone is acting like I'm a POS. If everyone had such a huge problem with it, then they should have said something. AITA? ###### | NTA. You requested several times that she stop and she literally *sang over you*. So you muted her and kept the peace. I don't see a problem. ###### |
At a family vacation right now, and I can't stand eating around infants. I'm aware it's not their fault because they aren't capable of learning good eating habits yet, but them getting pieces of food all over their face and their hands, spitting their food and getting it everywhere- just generally being sloppy with their food, which my niece is especially good at- easily disgusts me and being around her immediately spoils my appetite.
For this whole trip, I've either been eating in another room from my family or going out by myself. They think I'm being rude by doing this and they've been on my back and they think my reasoning isn't valid- but ridiculous. I try to make it clear that it personally has nothing to do with her, and that I'd be perfectly fine eating around her when she's older and can be more clean. It's also not like I haven't triend eating around her before, but it's a lot easier said than done. Usually ends up with me taking two bites then giving up as a tornado of mashed potatoes, chewed up hamburger and baby saliva is brewing across the table.
This is getting to the point that I think I'm wrong, because nobody else in my family seems fazed by her messiness. ###### | NTA. You recognize that your aversion to eating around infants is your own thing and you try to handle it without inconveniencing anyone else. I could see your family thinking you were weird/unusual, but not rude. You can't help your reaction and you're trying to handle it without blaming anyone else. Why is that a problem? ###### |
Growing up, my sister had never been supportive of me. We were never very close. I ended moving out very early because we got into a yelling match about her not picking me up from the airport because she got drunk.
A year ago, I moved to a different state for a job and broke up with my then bf. When she came down to help me move, she told me I was a bitch for not letting my ex move in with me because he "loved me". When she went back home, I learned through said ex that she had invited him to dinner and he was going to go. I texted her and told her I was really disappointed that she did that and as my sister she should be supporting my decision to leave a toxic relationship. She then told me I was a disrespect brat and she couldn't believe how entitled I was and that she was disgusted I would even say something like that to her. She then called me a stuck up bitch for shoving it in her face that I'm more successful than she is... When all I did was tell her I felt disrespected.
I decided to cut ties with her and deleted her off social media. When I come visit, I steer clear of her as much as I can. But when I tell people I don't talk to her, they all tell me I'm a brat and need to keep her in my life and forgive everything she does BECAUSE she's my sister... So AITA for cutting ties with her? ###### | NTA. You really need to stop hanging around toxic people in general, because that's not a normal mindset. I'll say as rslash said once: "it's not on you to forgive her just because she's your sister, it's on her to fix her attitude in order to deserve forgiveness." ###### |
I (23F) help my brother (34M) with running his business. Often, this requires me to learn new skills such as marketing software, writing up proposals, applying for loans, interacting with customers, etc. I do all of this is my own free time and I have never been paid. This has been something I have done for a couple of years, but since stay-at-home orders, he has relied on me even more with an average of 2-3 hours per night. Often, he will sit next to me while I do his work and he plays on his phone with excuses such as "You just make forms so much better!"
Last night, he decided to pay me $25 for doing an online interview for him. I did extensive research and thought it sounded pretty good so I was content with it. My Mother saw that he paid me and she flipped out on me for being spoiled and taking his money. I tried to give him back the money previously and said not to worry about it 4 times (I even left the room with the money on the table). But, a part of me wanted the money. I have sacrificed so much of my time to help him succeed and have never gotten paid.
My Mother says I'm money-hungry and looking to profit, but isn't my time worth money? Considering how much time I have given him, I feel like a one-time payment of $25 is not too much. I'm not asking to be put on payroll or even have a weekly income from his business. AITA? Thanks! ###### | NTA. You put in the work, you get the rewards. Your brother is lucky you are not asking to be out of payroll and that you take the time to help him out. He would have to pay a lot more to find someone else to do it for him. Your mother isn’t the one paying you so why should she care? Ignore her ###### |
So I actually made a reddit account because this has been on my mind a lot lately with the pandemic. I'm currently quarantined in the house with my parents and younger sister. I have a couple of food allergies which, while not severe (i.e. I won't go into anaphylactic shock if I accidentally eat a piece of a pecan), I'd rather avoid triggering if I can. To that end, I usually end up buying snacks and food for myself that don't contain my allergens which I pay for myself.
I've been working from home, and had my snack mix next to me which I'd just closed up because I didn't want it to get stale when my mom comes up beside me. I turn my head because she might have to ask me something and see her open up my jar, reach her hand in, and take a big handful of snack mix without saying a word to me. I've always considered helping yourself to someone else's food without asking to be rude, so later, I mentioned to my mom that I wouldn't mind sharing if she at least asked me first since those are snacks that I paid for myself because they don't have my allergens in them. She got annoyed at me, saying that she guesses she'll keep that in mind next time she does the family grocery run. This isn't just my mom either, I'd just gotten myself some takeout and turned to grab a plate in time to see my dad open up the container and start eating the contents. When I got upset, he slunk off pouting.
My sister thinks I'm being selfish and a jerk because I won't share, but AITA for wanting my family to ask before they take my food?
P.S. On mobile, and this is my first reddit post, so formatting may be wonky. ###### | NTA. You purchased food specifically to avoid allergens. The absolute least your family could do is ask permission before they help themselves to your food. If they purchased snacks that were allergen-free themselves, it would be a different story. ###### |
I met my best friend 9 years ago and we've both gone through a lot together. His GF died 7 years ago and I helped put him back together. He was there for me when my parents died. We're like brothers and friends and family have commented that we're like an old married couple. Even during lockdown we've pretty much called each other every day.
I've been with my GF for 3 years and he's been with his for 4 years. Next year we're celebrating 10 years of friendship and about a year ago we decided to take a trip together and we chose Japan as the destination. We've been saving up for it (as well as buying a house each) the entire time and I've also been saving up airmiles as well as using a credit card to get something called a companion voucher, essentially I get a free plane ticket. As such, we've got two 1st class tickets and have split the cost in half. We're hoping to travel next Autumn as we met in September.
My GF never seemed to care about the trip at first and we've been on smaller trips together as a couple, but as of late she's started to get angry that I'm going with him and not her. I finally hit the required spend on my credit card and got the voucher so was pretty excited, now she'd demanding that when I buy the ticket I take her and not him. I refused point blank.
This is an expensive trip, and after buying a house I doubt I'll make this trip again for at least a couple of years if ever. AITA for taking my best friend rather than her? ###### | NTA. You planned this trip with your friend to celebrate a milestone for you and your friend. You’re allowed to have meaningful relationships with people besides your SO. You’re allowed to take nice vacations with your friends. Your girlfriend is being unreasonable. ###### |
Bit of background, I (20F) still live my parents in the house we have lived in since I was 14. I work full time, and pay approx £300 a month in rent as well as buy everything for myself and contribute £20 a week to food. I want to move out, but am waiting for a couple of friends to finish uni and thought this was the best way to save money. My little sister (14) lives with us. My dad works full time in a good job, and my mum doesn’t work, and never has.
Since lockdown, I have been working from home but my dad has been furloughed. I have been caught in a few arguments with my mum over minor things, like asking her to not slam doors while I was on a telephone meeting etc. She always gets super defensive, and her final blow in every argument is that this house isn’t my home because I am over the age of 18 and don’t have my name on the mortgage. The most recent argument was that I ordered two parcels (her birthday presents) and she said I needed to stop ordering things as is a coronavirus risk. I leave all my parcels outside the house for at least 12 hours and then disinfect before bringing them into the house. As these were her presents, I didn’t open them in the kitchen as I would normally but opened them upstairs. She thought that I had ordered something I shouldn’t have (???) and has now told me, as this is not my house but hers, I have to ask permission to order anything. I thought she was joking and ordered some shirts to tie dye, she has now told me I have to find somewhere else to live.
So, AITA for still living with my parents after I turned 18? Does my mum have a point that the house isn’t my home? ###### | NTA. You pay rent and your own way. It's your home. ###### |
I pay for a spotify premium account. My boyfriend and I shared it, until we broke up. When we broke up, I changed my password because he never made any payments on it.
He says I am in the wrong because he has mental health issues and the music is the only way to calm him down.
I dont think I should have to share because I pay for it with my own money, that I work for. I'm currently an out of work waitress so I'm doing odd jobs for my few bills.
So, AITA? ###### | NTA. You pay for it and its your account, he just wants to guilttrip you. He can listen to tons of music on youtube for free. ###### |
Quick overview - Been together almost 4 years, he lives in my house, didn’t bring much with him when he moved in, hasn’t contributed much to the home in all the time living here (I replace things that have broken/buy new purchases etc.), he is self employed and doesn’t earn a great deal so only contributes a nominal amount towards bills/food etc. We live in the UK.
Because of the pandemic he’s been unable to work and so he didn’t have to worry about finances, I offered to cover any financial outgoings until he can work again.
Recently he received a letter which he unknowingly dropped on the way to file them away. On finding it, I picked it up to take it to his office. I noticed that it was from our governments tax and revenue department stating they had given him a grant of a few thousand pounds owing to being self employed and unable to work. I handed it to him and didn’t mention anything about it.
Several days have passed and he has not told me about this and I continue paying for everything. Whilst I don’t expect him to tell me everything about his finances, considering the situation one would have expected him to say something, offer a gesture of paying towards the household etc. It’s concerning me as to what he is to do with the money considering he hasn’t mentioned it or spoken to me about it.
Thanks for listening and I look forward to hearing what you think of the situation. ###### | NTA. you pay all the bills and he doesn't help. when he gets a check for a few thousand he doesn't tell you? thats something to be mad about. he is hiding something from you when he should be sharing. ###### |
When I (40M) was with my ex (45F) she had a 5month old, I met her daughter 7 months into the relationship, we were living together within 8months of dating.
My exs daughters father wasnt around.
I was with my ex for 10 years before our firstborn and then 4months after our firstborn she was pregnant again, we have two daughters.
We dated for another 3 years and about four years ago we broke up because she had been cheating and had gotten pregnant, a nice way to find out!
My exs daughter texted me a week ago and asked to move in with me, her mother is pregnant and obviously as the eldest she is expected to help out more and is having the brunt of her mothers frustration taken out on her.
I said of course, she's capable of making her own decisions now, but not to rush such a heavy decision because I live several hours away so she wouldn't just be able to pop down the road to see her mother and siblings.
I've since been getting spammed by her mother and her mothers partner telling me I was an AH for getting involved when she's not my daughter and for allowing her to rush off instead of solving her problems.
My partner agrees maybe I overstepped
AITA? ###### | NTA. You parented her for like what, 14 years? You are one of her parents. She asked, you didn’t offer. I think it’d be kind of you to allow her to move in. ###### |
I have a dog, she's 6. And very healthy. Potty trained. So she never makes any messes. Unless I'm gone for long hours which is understandable. When you gotta go, you gotta go. I clean it up. No big deal.
I walk her 3 times a day. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. So she can use the bathroom and get a lil bit of exercise.
There's a girl who runs her own dog-sitting business. I asked her to watch my dog for a 2 days while I went out of town.
I gave her paper with instructions. Its something a 10 year old could do. It said "Walk her 3 times a day, mornings, afternoons and evenings." I also left 4 small bags of her doggy food. 2 for one day, and 2 for the next day, (breakfast and dinner). Only 2 of thoe bags were used....
Fast forward to when I get back home. I come home to the scent of urine and feces. Everywhere. There's shit in the kitchen. There's shit in the bathroom. Shit in my bedroom. There's shit in the shit. And paw prints of urine everywhere. You get the picture. Its clear and obvious that she did not walk my dog at all. Not even once.
I was mad about the urine and feces everywhere. But im even more mad at the fact that she neglected my dog. She called me to ask when she can pick up her money. I told her I'm not paying her at all for the shitty "job" she's done. Her excuse? "I was busy with homework". I hung up the phone.
I rated her website a one-star and a negative review. She tried calling me again. My friend is saying I'm being harsh, and I should at least give her some money. For what? She did nothing. How hard is it to feed and walk a dog? How lazy do you have to be?
I dont think im being harsh. I'm being fair. She didn't do the job she was *HIRED* to do.
If im TA, tell me so I can make it right.
TL;DR: Dog sitter didn't walk my dog. Urine and feces everywhere, didn't feed her well either. ###### | NTA. You paid to have your dog walked and fed. And taken outside so he could go to the bathroom. She didn't provide those services. Of course you're not gonna pay her. And good on you for leaving a review, people should know what they're getting. ###### |
I recently re-connected with a friend from high school when her husband was accepted into a masters program at the same university where I am attending grad school. We were both really excited when we found out we would be living in the same city.
However. She is vastly different from the person I used to know. She was SOOO ambitious in high school and both of us had dreams of attending medical school and maybe even going into private practice together. (I know, I know, we were young and naive when we made these plans and people change). Sometime in college (we went to different schools), she met a guy, married him, and dropped out of school.
She is now a "stay-at-home mom." I say this in quotes because her mother also lives with them and basically takes care of the grandchild. This friend likes to complain how hard she has it because they have to live on her husband's stipend from grad school and how she thinks clipping coupons and applying to welfare is "humiliating." Apparently, she never envisioned herself being so "poor."
I have heard this story so many times my ears want to bleed. After the 5th iteration, my patience wore out at about 3 minutes into her whining. I'll admit, I not-so-kindly suggested that she get a job if she feels that her current life is beneath her. She proceeds to accuse me of being anti-feminist (did not follow that argument) and for having a holier-than-thou attitude because I happened to get "lucky" and got into medical school. There was also something about hating against religion because she and her husband are Mormon and, evidently, women are not expected to work. She stormed out of the coffee shop and I got to enjoy my latte in peace.
AITA for how I responded? Should I have just sat there and nodded along? I have never been so brusque with a friend before, but her entire woe-is-me mentality was INFURIATING. ###### | NTA. You offered a solution and a viable one at that. None of her “excuses” make any sense. ###### |
My [F26] boyfriend [M28] and I have been together for 5 years now and moved in with each other last summer. My parents are divorced as are other family members, and I just don't like the whole idea of feeling trapped in a marriage.
Boyfriend (who I will refer to as Brody) knew how I felt since when we first began dating I acknowledged flat out I wasn't interested in getting married. Brody seemed good with this, and the conversation never came up again.
Not once has he brought the idea up in all the years we have been together. At least, not until very recently when a box came in the mail.
Brody had been acting kind of weird and secretive with the box so I asked what was wrong, and that was when he took out its contents and popped the question.
I was really shocked because he hadn't ever addressed wanting to do this, and I feel it's something that should have been discussed.
I politely turned him down because I don't see marriage as very important or necessary, and he got upset and we aren't speaking much.
AITA for rejecting him? ###### | NTA. You never propose unless you’ve talked about it with them before and know the answer is yes. ###### |
My roommate regularly borrows my car and leaves my car keys in her purse. I had an errand to run and my keys were not on the hook in the kitchen they belong on. I went to look in her purse figuring my keys were in there (they were) and she got mad I looked in her purse. I told her if she didn't want me looking in her purse don't leave my car keys in there and if that was too hard she couldn't borrow my car anymore. So AITA? ###### | NTA. You needed your keys and that's where she left them. ###### |
My dad owns a pizza place that was handed down to him from my grandfather.
I've been working at the pizza place my while life, even part time while I got a business degree.
I found out last early last year that my dad had willed the restaurant to my stepmom. His reasoning being she needs to be taken care of after he dies. And that it would go to me after she died.
I was pissed and "quit" the next day. My dad ended up hiring two people to make up the work I was doing.
Now this is the potential asshole part. A month after I quit, I found a great location where another pizza place had shut down. I bought it and had it up and running in two months. My restaurant is take out only, but my business is doing extremely well.
My dad reached out to me last September and said that his restaurant was losing business because of me and to please come back to the family business. He offered to buy my business so I would get something out of it.
I declined the offer. Now the craziness of 2020 happened and because my restaurant was already setup for takeout, I'm only seeing a 5-10% drop in revenue.
The family restaurant however, is going under.
Now there's a whole lot of arguing about me causing my dad's family to become financially ruined.
AITA? ###### | NTA. You needed to secure your financial future just like he needed to secure his wife’s. Not your fault you did a better job. Maybe offer to buy him out so he will “get something out of it”. ###### |
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, so I know his family decently well. My boyfriend's family is from NC. We live in NY, separate apartments. His grandpa (who also lived in NY) just passed away on Sunday. They planned a funeral for Friday in NY. I told them 3 of his siblings could stay here since I have a 2 bedroom and my boyfriend has a studio.
As of yesterday 6/24, governor Cuomo started a mandatory quarentine for people coming from NC, among other states. This brought to my attention how had NC is with covid right now. They live in a city in NC, so it's not like they're exactly safe. Their city has twice as many new cases everyday as New York city. All of New York city has less new cases per day.
If they get caught being here from NC, they could be fined $2000. I think it is wrong of them to think they're the exception to this rule. This rule is in place so more people don't die or get very sick. I told them I had to reconsider housing them.
They planned this funeral before Cuomo put the order in place. Their other family is coming from Miami (another covid hot spot).
Am I the asshole for changing my mind because I learned how bad covid is where they live? ###### | NTA. You need to put your personal safety first. Aside from just the health aspect, I doubt they're going to pay your fine if they're caught. Break the news gently and hope they make alternative plans. ###### |
Ok so I may sound like a total a hole in the title but hear me out
Disclaimer for bad grammar I’m upset and writing this quick.
Ok so for the last 3 years I have been aware that my brother goes in my room while I’m at school (he gets home an hour early as he’s in elementary and I’m in 8 grade middle school).
Now I don’t like the idea that he goes in my room but he also takes my stuff all the time. Wether that be a old toy of mine or my coveted legos (yes I’m a little old for those go off). The worst part is my parents never tell him to give anything back or try and tell him that it’s not ok. Apparently cause he’s young he is t held responsible.
All this has brought us today where on our couch I found the bottom half of my Isabelle amibo that I was gifted. At this point I was pissed because I had cleaned his room the day prior for him because it was disgusting (I’m talking it took me almost 2 hours and still is not the best).
Now I asked him in front of my dad why he stole it from my room and where the other piece was, and as usual when he gets in trouble he just closed his eyes and stoped responding.
So I gave him an ultimatum, if he doesn’t tell me where the other piece is or I find it before tonight ends I’m taking back everything he’s stolen from me. This includes a significant portion of his LEGO toys.
I don’t think I’m being unfair as I’ve told him to stop a multitude of times and to cut it out and this was my breaking point. I don’t really need many of these things he’s taken so I may just donate them all if I can.
So would I be the asshole here?
Extra info: I’m 14 and he’s 6.
. I still enjoy legos however don’t use the ones he’s stolen as often anymore.
.He’s asked me for things in the past such as some of my stuffed animals and other bigger things. ###### | NTA. You need to negotiate a bedroom door lock with your parents imho. ###### |
So a little back story my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I stay at his house 5 days a week and mine 2. I am renting to own my place and he owns his. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage. Now my prior marriage ended when my child’s father had a year long affair and then kicked myself and our children out of our home and moved his mistress in resulting in my and my children being homeless and sleeping in our car in the Walmart parking lot.
Now my boyfriend and I were having a talk about our relationship and the future and I asked about moving in someday since I stay there 5 days a week and he said yeah you probably can’t live here because I don’t want to give you half of what I own if you decided to leave. Then I asked what if we stayed together for 50 years and he said that his house would go to his sister and that she would probably let me still live here if I needed to but he wanted his stuff to stay in his family.
Now that terrifies me because I never want to be homeless. Then I told him that I wanted another child and he said “why do you can put me on child support when you leave and still get the house because it will go to my kids and then you’ll be here and probably sell it out from under him”
Now at this point I’m really questioning why he’s giving me such rude answers because we’ve been together awhile and I just want to know if we have a future together and he’s calling me a gold digger. I haven’t spoke to him in a few days and he’s left several mean voicemails saying I’m overreacting and that “this proves it to him how I am” AITA here? ###### | NTA. You need to examine that phrase very carefully. "I want my stuff to stay in my family". That tells me even if you stay with him the rest of your lives, he will not actually view you or your kids as family. Why would you want to subject yourself and your children to that? ###### |
So this is kinda two AITAs but the first happened a month ago and I was confident I was in the right, I'm just double checking because the two events are connected.
I practice a martial art that has weight classes, so I monitor my weight all the time, except when I'm injured or for whatever reason not competing (Christmas, my wedding etc.) when I've got a competition coming up, I'll be eating very healthily and ill be strict with it, almost everyone knows this because, when you get frequent bruises/cuts/injuries, people tend to ask about them.
I was in the canteen in work a month ago, eating chicken, couscous and broccoli with one of my coworkers, who asked why I was eating healthily and I replied "well I'm pretty fat at the moment compared to normal, and I'm competing soon!" (it got cancelled of course).
Well another coworker (ella) overheard this and complained to HR that I was fatshaming, because if I called myself fat, I must think she's fat too (she is definitely overweight, but I've never said that to her, or anyone else).
Well HR suspended me for the rest of the day, "investigated" and then basically said that unless it was being sexual, I can say whatever I want about my own body. They also told me to be a little more sensitive and watch my wording around Ella.
I instead decided to just not speak to her at all. We work in the same department but all our work is independent so we have no reason to talk. Then yesterday, she complains to HR that I'm avoiding her and that I'm making it a "hostile work environment" and they again, suspended me halfway through the day pending investigation.
I have had two suspensions thanks to her and who knows what HR will say about this one, so AITA in either scenario? ###### | NTA. You need to document and make your boss award how disruptive Ella is on your work. Not sure what country you are in but maybe worthwhile to look up employees’ rights. Have your boss talk to HR regarding their policy of suspensions without cause and how it opens the company to liability and lawsuit. ###### |
i’m 22 years old and in graduate school. my only i come is from part time stipend as a graduate assistant. i don’t have a car, and i’m currently saving towards that as well as dental and optometry work. in order to save, i severally cut down on my food/fun allowance. i live on a very strict budget and after a year of saving i finally half about $2000 saved up.
my dad asked me for money saying that he is in debt and people are on his neck. he doesn’t plan to return the money. for some reason he thinks i’m well off because i don’t complain about my hardships even though i’ve made several comments on my facebook and to him directly about how i desperately need a car because i’m in a small town with no transportation, i don’t live close to family and i have no way of getting around. i also have medical expenses that need to be covered.
he has these ways of guilt tripping me or making me seem selfish when i deny his request. and i know that the requests will never stop coming. for example my sister who is 26, has about 1000$ in savings because she’s constantly helping out. i’m still in grad school. all my mates have their parents paying for their car and healthcare, while i have to save tooth and nail to make it through and save for my needs.
am i an asshole for denying to help my dad, even though i have $2000 in savings but i desperately need that money for my expenses? i did offer him $50 and i wonder if that was disrespectful? ###### | NTA. You need the money for a car and medical expenses. If you give him the money, you might be more screwed then your father. ###### |
My (21F) boyfriend (26M) plays video games until the early hours of the morning most nights. I've suffered from depression for as long as we have been together (2 years), and disruptions to my sleep negatively impact my mental health. I've explained this to my boyfriend and asked him to be quieter when he comes to bed, but nothing has changed.
He is loud when he plays his video games, often yelling and chasing, and when he comes to bed he often wants to cuddle and talk to me (which otherwise would be fine, but not at 2am when I am trying to sleep).
With classes etc being online now, it's important for me to sleep at a reasonable hour and wake up at a reasonable hour (i.e., 10pm to 7-8am), otherwise I will get into the habit of sleeping all day and my mental health always worsens.
WIBTA for asking him to sleep on the couch on nights he wants to stay up really late, rather than inevitably waking me up when he comes to bed? I feel like this might be a bit extreme, but my sleep is very closely tied to my mental health and I have been struggling as a result of being woken up so often. ###### | Nta. You need sleep for your mental health. He can't blame you for that
Edit: this blew up thanks guys ###### |
I was with my former spouse for many many years. Turns out he was unfaithful to me for almost every one of those years. He ended up confessing he was in love with my sister and wanted to be with her as well. At first I was crushed and dumbfounded. I felt powerless to stop the situation. Eventually I left my spouse. I tried seeing other people just to have another family member of mine manipulate me with the guy I was seeing at the time and they got together behind my back. He dumped me and kicked me out of the room we shared.
I didn't stop trying to see people.. but I kept it more casual, less commital. That was until I met my current bf of almost a year now. I decided that he made me happy and recently decided to move. My sister claims I abandoned her, my ex spouse and their kids. AITA for moving on with my life ? ###### | NTA. you moved on because they made your life miserable and lost your trust. You have every right to move away especially if it makes you happy ###### |
I like Dominos pizza and order it once a month. I know it’s a bit expensive, I know it isn’t very authentic, I know it isn’t healthy. I also don’t care; for me it hits the spot and I enjoy it.
My housemate and good friend’s Italian girlfriend, every time I get dominos, has to mention how it isn’t actually good pizza or very Italian. Every. Single. Time. It also extends to when I make Italian food like pasta or spaghetti (we take turns to cook for the whole house), mentioning i didn’t add this ingredient or use this process. I’ve asked her a couple times to show me what I’m doing wrong but stuff always seems to ‘come up’
Now, she’s otherwise a pretty solid person but I just find this behaviour incredibly rude. I ordered pizza again today and she again commented about how it wasn’t authentic. I had enough and told her I didn’t give a fuck what was authentic or not, I just wanted to enjoy my Dominos.
She told me as an Italian she had to say something when she saw bad Italian food like the pizza or my pasta. I told her that if I as the son of Indians could eat what she alleged to be a chicken korma (it was *sweet* for some reason) and say nothing at the time she could eat my pasta and stay silent.
I’m aware that was perhaps a bit petty and rude, but to be honest I’m pretty done with her inane comments. My roommate is annoyed at the both of us saying that we need to make up, but honestly I’m still pretty annoyed with her. As I see it the only harm I’m doing with my dominos is to my waistline, but that has no bearing on her. ###### | NTA. You mentioned yourself - if she makes Indian food in a non-authentic way, you don’t say anything about it. You weren’t toting your dominos around like it was the best Margherita pizza from Naples. This is a very weird high horse for her to be trying to stand on. I think it’s pretty obvious anyone who frequently orders dominos isn’t ordering it for that authentic Italian flavour. ###### |
Right now my fiance and I are living with my best friend from high school and her husband. They and my fiance have some life differences (no details but nothing major, mainly they're all bullheaded and won't listen to each other). My fiance wants to move out and get on our own. I'm all for it until he said the place he wants to move to won't allow pets and we have a 55 pound border collie mix we picked up as a stray. I refuse to move anywhere without her. She is my kid. I can't abandon her. She has no say in this at all. Everyone I've talked to is 50/50 on this.
We are under no pressure but my fiance own want to get our own place quickly. He's lived on his own before and I have not. I just can't intentionally move someplace and give up my dog if there are other options. ###### | NTA. You made a commitment to your dog. Another place will come along. ###### |
Background:
My husband’s (30m) Federal job has taken us first to Oklahoma for several months and now to California. I quit my job and became a stay at home mom to make the transitions easier since childcare is so expensive.
I also lost both my mom (50f) and my brother (17m) within 4 years of each other when I was 17 and 21 (I promise this is relevant).
Scenario:
In November my dad(63m) had a massive heart attack that required an emergency triple bypass and mitral valve replacement. My husband was able to take a week off from work and stay home with our daughter(2f) so I could fly back to TN to be there. The surgery went fairly well, but it was hugely stressful for me. The thought of being an orphan at 30 is heartbreaking. (Can you be an orphan if you’re an adult?) I flew back to California once he was stabilized and have been here since.
My husband’s job has a process where you can submit a request to relocate back home for medical emergencies. We qualify for this relocation and I’ve asked him to consider moving back to be closer to my dad. My husband is reluctant due to the difference in workload (The TN job would be busier and more work) and the logistics and cost of moving cross country.
Meanwhile, Dad has had 2 more surgeries to correct a persistent heart murmur and install a pacemaker. I continue to bring up this transfer and I continue to get a response about the logistics, cost, and workload differences.
So I lost my shit. I told him that I would resent him if we don’t have a real conversation about this transfer. I have sacrificed so much for this opportunity for him and I truly feel like our marriage will suffer if he won’t even consider it. I want our daughter to know her grandfather, I want to spend time with my dad while he’s relatively healthy.
AITA? I hate ultimatums, but I don’t know if I could forgive my husband if something happens to dad and I’m not there. ###### | NTA. You made a big sacrifice for him, by staying at home with the kids and moving to improve his career, but he won't make a sacrifice for you. ###### |
Basically my cat is trained to use the toilet bowl, I have two bathrooms in my flat and the cat uses the guest one, it’s always up and clean because the cat uses it and knows how to flush it (sometimes he forgets it), I clean it every day and my cat been doing it for the past 6 years.
My boyfriend just moved in with me and he hates it, even if we have our own bathroom and barely uses the guest ones, he says it is disgusting and awful, last night we had a huge fight because the cat didn’t flush it’s poo and now my ex is saying that he is going to live if I don’t litter box train my cat, but I see no point doing it since the toilet is much more hygienic.
So AITA for not wanting to change my cats habits to make my boyfriend happy? ###### | NTA. You literally trained your cat to use the toilet, which is something that, as a longtime cat owner, I can only imagine has made your life so much easier. Litter boxes suck. ###### |
This happened before the whole corona virus ordeal, but my friend, we will call her L, is still upset about this. AITA in this situation?
Awhile ago at a social gathering L and I were discussing her upcoming birthday plans. I offered to host L’s birthday party if she didn’t have other plans, L quickly shut that down insisting she had other plans to go to a cabin.
Also mentioning that she would be inviting other mutual friends of ours to this cabin and I would not be invited to this cabin with them. I’m not offended that I was not invited to the cabin, it’s her birthday and if she didn’t want me there it’s up to her.
And now this is where it gets complicated.
1 week later:
L: what are we doing for my birthday?
(In my mind I was confused, because
1. L told me she was going to a cabin
2. I already made plans to attend a house warming party for a very close friend of mine)
Me: I am attending a house warming party, and I thought you were going to the cabin?
L: We not going to the cabin until the day after my birthday, do you think we could still do something by you for it?
Me: No, I’m sorry but I made plans, if you want to do something during the day I can, but I’m busy at night.
L: you’re ruining my birthday
After she said that I stopped responding to her.
And to clarify, she is still attending the cabin for her birthday, and I’m still not invited for the birthday weekend at the cabin. But I am expected to host and attend her birthday party on the real day?
Also I offered to do something during the day for her birthday, but that still wasn’t good enough!
I ended up doing nothing with her and attended a very nice house warming party, and she looked like she had a blast at the cabin for her birthday weekend, but she still very upset at me?
AITA and should I apologize for not being there for her birthday? ###### | NTA. you literally offered to host a party for her and she turned you down, and now she’s all upset because you made other plans after not being invited to her birthday plans and won’t do anything for her? besides that, you even offered to do something during that day but just couldn’t at night and she was still upset!! your friend sounds horribly entitled and honestly not much like a friend at all ###### |
Me 22f and my boyfriend 35m just broke up about 3 weeks ago, we had a really toxic relationship so when I found out I was pregnant I knew that I had to leave and be in a better environment for my unborn child.
When I was packing he was following me and yelling at me so I was sloppily packing things in a rush and when I got to my feminine drawer where I put my positive pregnancy test he seen me throw the box in my bag which was the original packing that the test came in and asked me about it and I told him it was negative and that it doesn’t concern him because even if It was positive I’d abort any baby from him which is a lie Even though I’m all for abortion I’d never see myself doing it and the pregnancy test was definitely positive.
I know I was a little hash but I just knew if he’d found out there and then he’d wouldn’t let me leave, I never intended to keep it a secret for long
How he found out that I was pregnant was because I asked a mutual friend of ours to tell him because I blocked him on everything and wish to not continue contact until the break up isn’t so fresh because I know he’ll try and get back together with me and each time we break up I always end up believing him when he says things will change.
My friends are calling me am asshole for not telling him right away and for lying to him about not being pregnant, am I the asshole ? ###### | NTA. You lied for your safety and for the safety of your unborn child. He sounds like bad news and I'm sorry your friend told him against your wishes. ###### |
Im on mobile.
Me(F15)
Mom(F36)- “Mom”
Stepdad(M34)- SD
So i’m visiting my mom this week (my dad has full custody and i just visit my mom sometimes) and it’s that time of the month. I’ll try not to go into too many details but basically yeah i dispose of everything the way it needs to be disposed so i didn’t think there would be a problem.
My mom came up to me last night and said i made my stepdad “uncomfortable” for “making him look at my feminine products”. i instantly got embarrassed and told her i’ve always made sure i disposed of everything properly. Then she says, “oh no, not the thing itself but the wrapper” Which confused because like, it’s a wrapper? I’m a 15 year old girl, sorry i have a period?
She asked if i could start throwing it away in the garage trash so he wouldn’t have to see it in the bathroom trash. we have 3 BATHROOMS. One in their room, one in the hall upstairs, and one in the hall downstairs, i always use the one downstairs because my room is in the basement. If he doesn’t want to see it he can use one of the two other bathrooms. I told her i wasn’t gonna stuff my trash in my pocket and walk to the garage just because he can’t handle looking at a wrapper. She claims i’m being ridiculous and stubborn and that he shouldn’t have to walk upstairs anytime he’s in the living room just because i won’t throw my trash in a different place. I told her he can get over it.
AITA?
TL;DR: my stepdad is apparently uncomfortable with my feminine product wrapper and refuses to use one of the other two bathrooms we have so my mom is forcing me to throw my trash in the garage. ###### | NTA. You know sometimes I come on this subreddit and actually have to ask myself if I'm dreaming. I have no idea how a wrapper could offend someone. Unless he endured some form of tampon related torture and has enduring trauma, literally the only viable explanation I can come up with. ###### |
Hi Reddit,
I know the title sounds crazy but I just want to know if I’m in the right or wrong.
A couple of months ago, My ex girlfriend came to visit me while I was sick at home. We had been in the breaking up stage for months, with no end in sight <she did not want to let go>. I had moved on emotionally and really wanted nothing to do with her. Ex girlfriend comes to my house, without notice, and proceeds to talk about nonsense and why do I want to leave her, and me being sick and not wanting any drama, asks her to leave. She refuses to leave and i let her know that if she doesn’t leave I will call the police. After that she locks herself in my room, and I proceeded to call. Cops arrive and remove her, but she claims she came to pick up some items (false).
Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. You just set down some clear boundaries, and that's good. ###### |
So my younger bro (19) was really scrawny. He's as tall as me (24M) at 6"1, but his build was really small. I think he weighed about 140lbs with 0 muscle. He didn't have any health issues or anything, was just scrawny.
It was no surprise to me when he confided in me that he couldn't attract many girls. He wanted a girlfriend but had no luck. He attracted some girls, but they were few and he was not in any way attracted to them.
So I just told him straight, "you need to bulk up. A lot of girls want their guy to be bigger than them, and won't be attracted to your build".
I gave him a workout plan and he ran with it. He added around 25lbs in the span of 6 months. Some muscle, and some obviously fat. Honestly he looks a lot better than he did before, and no surprise he began dating a girl he really likes and finds hot.
Well my sister (29F) and parents both came at me saying I've given him shit advice and that he was fine the way he was, they called me AH. But I said to them that they never really cared to listen to his issues. AITA? ###### | NTA. You just helped him boost his morale when he needed it. At least you've been honest with him. 👏 ###### |
Throwaway and fake names
A couple of my friends hung out recently (where we live in a place with less than a hundred cases and masks are still required)
One of my friends, Dylan came with his new girlfriend Ann, who happens to be black, to introduce us to her which we were all fine with and knew beforehand.
I’m more of an introverted person and Ann is the opposite. When met for lunch, she was loud and boisterous. She spoke over people, yelled at the staff, *reached over to my plate*,and at one point she even tried to dance on the table.
I found it all very inappropriate and didn’t talk much for the rest of our lunch. Dylan kept on excusing her behavior throughout and my other friends didn’t seem to mind.
When Dylan asked us what I thought about her I told the truth half jokingly and said she was a bit noisy and rude and I personally wouldn’t want to hang out with her. I did clarify that she might be a nice girl but our personalities would clash.
Dylan got really upset with this, and accused me of being racist and calling his girlfriend ghetto. A couple of my friends supported this, and I tried to explain that I didn’t like her because of her personality not her race but they seem to believe that the two are somehow intertwined. He’s acting like I dislike her BECAUSE she’s black and like I can’t dislike a black person because I’m white.
I was going to let it slide and apologize until Dylan said something along the lines of, “she can’t help it, that’s how they are” which I thought was racist to stereotype and told him so.
I left soon after and I’ve been getting nonstop calls from my friend group, telling me that I’m the scum of the earth and I should apologize with one of them even going on twitter to post about exposing the racists in your friend group.
I believe I did not do anything racist but I need an outside perspective. AITA? ###### | NTA. You just didn’t like her because she was obnoxious, that has nothing to do with race. The only racist one was Dylan for saying that black people were like that. ###### |
Hi all,
I’ve worked as a swim teacher for 6 years, and due to this, have seen all sorts of disabilities/mental illnesses in my students. I’m not a mental health professional, but I have had training in recognizing certain crises and how to teach kids with autism/ADHD/etc.
I have a class at the busiest time of day, when it is extremely loud and crazy. It’s hard for even a neurotypical kid to focus. Additionally, this class is at max capacity, which is hard for me to manage and give attention to every student.
One of the children in this class, “J”, is 8 years old. There’s nothing on his file about any sort of mental problem. If the disability is serious enough, the parents are strongly encouraged/required to have their kids in private classes so that they get the attention they need.
J is almost completely nonverbal, and cannot focus. He is also in a level that is way too high; he can barely float on his own, and the other kids can swim by themselves in this level. He has sensory problems, as he often covers his ears and freaks out when it gets noisy. He shouts at the other kids for getting too close to him, and generally I feel he hasn’t learned anything.
I decided to talk to his mom about this. I told her that I thought he should move to a different time, and consider getting a private class. She defensively asked why. I said J had trouble focusing and he needed extra attention. Growing more angry, the mom asked why I thought that. I said he seems to have some extra mental and sensory needs that weren’t met in this class.
She immediately flips, yelling that I had no right to tell her what her child needed, and that he was completely ‘normal’. She was irate and told me that I wasn’t a doctor or professional so I should keep my opinions to myself.
I got in trouble with the higher ups as she complained, but I just wanted to know if I was in the wrong here. ###### | NTA. You informed her of the needs her child has learning, and you did nothing wrong ###### |
I'm a 22 year old dude.
So I was in the emergency room last night, and they ended up diagnosing me with something called Epiploic Appendagitis, which I will spare you specific details but roughly once a month a lot of blood comes out and I get extremely bad stomach pain. The stomach pain was bad enough that I felt the need to go to the ER during a pandemic yesterday, to give some sense of scale.
My family followed me to the hospital, and were waiting outside in the car for five hours while they ran various scans on me.
After I got discharged and I was talking with my family about how there wasn't really any treatment plan for it (it's not actually a super serious condition) and I'd probably just have to deal with it, I said something along the lines of "it can't be worse than having a period once a month"
My sister, 19, called me insensitive, my mom found it hilarious, and my dad said I probably shouldn't talk about things I don't know much about.
My sister is still kind of pissed at me, but I honestly don't think I was making light of periods or anything. I mean I was in the hospital with enough pain that they were talking about giving me the good stuff (which I turned down, but it was offered). And it seems that unless I get my nutrition just right, I'm going to be in that amount of pain at random points for the rest of my life.
But also my dad is right and I genuinely don't know what I'm talking about. I mean I did grow up with a little sister and good parents who explained everything so I'm not ignorant on periods at all but I might be missing something.
I probably wouldn't tell anyone outside my family that I even have this at all, so I don't really have to worry about whether I make this joke in front of others, but I kind of want to know if it is a dick thing to say. ###### | NTA. You implied a period would be worse. Most of the time men downplay periods, so at least you weren't doing that. Honestly, I don't think what you were saying diminished or trivialised periods, it was just the comparison that came to mind while you were coming to terms with a life long condition. You sister should cut you a bit more slack, even if she didn't like it for whatever reason. I hope you're coming to terms with your new normal Ok ###### |
My neighbor's backyard is visible from our master bedroom upstairs and most of it is covered by a tree. But we had a pergola installed on our side with a fixture that let us grow plants alongside it. That gave them some extra privacy but I took it down because I had some trouble with one of the foundations. It's gonna cost a bunch to pour in some concrete and refit it so I've just let it be.
It took my neighbor a whole month or two to realize that it was gone and that maybe they get a little less privacy than before. So now he's on my case to get it back up because his wife and adult daughter often hang out in the pool because everyone's still staying indoors. I might have seen them bathe in a bathing suit or maybe even topless but I honestly don't remember. I'm not sniffing up other trees anyway, plenty happy with what I've got home.
Long story short, I don't wanna do it. I could use the money for other things. If he thinks he doesn't have privacy he should do something on his side. Sunbathing wives and daughters or not! Wdyt? Asshole response or just telling him to do what should be his responsibility in the first place? ###### | NTA. You hit the nail. “If he thinks he doesn’t have privacy he should do something on his side.” It’s your property; he can’t tell you want to do with it just because he’s uncomfortable with his perception of the lack of privacy ###### |
Background: My boyfriend recently passed away unexpectedly. Today was my best day since I found out, but it’s still a struggle getting out of bed.
His funeral services are tomorrow, and I would love to see him one last time, but there’s an issue. My boyfriend is trans, and his family constantly deadnames/misgenders him, even with all of this going on (and them being very aware of his being on Testosterone, and also planning to get top surgery.) I fully expect them to bury him in female clothing, and that truly pains me to see.
I feel as if they aren’t mourning who he REALLY was, and as I just said a moment ago, that hurts a lot. I am planning holding our own services with some of our best friends, where we truly mourn who he really was.
So, WIBTA if I didn’t go? ###### | NTA. You have very solid reasons, and don't even **need** solid reasons. You need to take care of you. Honor him as you know he would have wanted. Funerals are for the living. He would want you to do what makes you most comfortable. ###### |
Follow up on my previous post[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/di82hm/aita_told_moms_boyfriend_was_being_a_cnt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Basically I (19m) got into a fight with my mums boyfriend after he berated me for disrespecting my mother for there being clothes pegs on the ground and it ended with him calling me a little asshole and me saying he’s being a c*nt. Realising this blowup would wreck my mums relationship I tried to apologise twice, one of those times in front of my mum to prove I was being sincere.
He broke up with my mother for the second time in a month over this and said they could get back together if she kicks me out of the house immediately. She called up her family and caused all this drama to try and kick me out and although most were sympathetic they said I should leave. So after my semester at uni finished last year I have left home and am living with a flat mate and my sister who’s relationship with my mum is also strained.
My mother never got together with her boyfriend and has met a new guy who is amazing and hates the last boyfriend for what he did.
My mum has pretended like she never kicked me out and we still see each other every week for dinner. She never apologised for choosing her boyfriend over me and it’s always bugged me knowing she doesn’t have my back. My relationship with her side of the family is pretty strained now and although I love my mum and tried to work things out with her it’s been 6 months since I left home and I still kind of resent her.
WIBTA if I cut her off? ###### | Nta. You have to do what’s best for you and she clearly doesn’t respect you or care about you. She cares more about what a bf thinks and she is the ah. ###### |
My (32m) sister (45f) sister has always been there for me. Because we have such an age difference, she has been my second mother. Our mother is still alive but she dumped my onto my sister to take care of me. With her love and support, I’ve been able to accomplish a lot. We are super close and I consider her my best friend. I have always sent her a mother days gift
And flowers because I always want to remind her how much she means to me and, I am grateful for all of her sacrifices. She didn’t have to raise me but she did and I love her very much. My wife thinks it’s super weird and and gross. She says that I shouldn’t be equating my sister to my mother and that I have mommy issues because of this. She says that my sister should stay my sister and, because she has her own kids, I shouldn’t be giving her anything. I explained that she didn’t grow up as I did ( she and her siblings are close but not as close as my sister and I). I also told her that it’s none of her business if I send my sister a Mother’s Day gift because it’s my gesture. She got upset and is not talking to me. AITA? ###### | NTA. You have the same age difference between me and my sister :) And while my mother was always a wonderful parent, my sister would babysit and help my mother whenever she could. I’ve gotten them both Mother’s Day gifts as long as I can remember. ###### |
I have a babysitter who watches my two young girls while me and my husband go to work. She brings her daughter with her. She’s always been great. One day, she was about 10 minutes late which made me late for work. It’s fine because it hasn’t happened before, and she apologized and I thought we were all good.
A day later, she lets me know that she had been helping my daughter on her iPad and some texts popped up between me and my husband. I was complaining to him that the babysitter was late that morning and it made me late to work. Well, she kept reading and read all our texts for the past month. I had also complained to him once that our babysitter had eaten all our Oreos. It was just funny banter, and I got over it quickly but I was still whining. I would have never said anything to her about it.
Anyway, the babysitter texted me the night before she was supposed to watch my kids next that she was quitting because of those texts she read. She was really hurt I would complain about her to him. I feel horrible but also violated that she read all our texts. I apologized for what I said but I still feel sad about it all. AITA? ###### | NTA. You have the right to vent in private to your husband. You forgave her, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t affect your day.
She violated your privacy. AND she had to go back a month before finding anything else about her. If you text with any frequency, that’s a lot of personal texts for her to have gone though. Any hurt she feels is her own fault.
I would have fired her for reading through the texts. Seeing the one that popped up is one thing. Looking back through is another altogether. ###### |
Restaurants opened up here recently for dine-in. My husband has 2 autoimmune diseases and is a disabled veteran. My mother is 69 and Diabetic and lives with us. I am diabetic and having surgery in 10 days.
My daughter (26) mentioned she was going to eat with friends tonight. I asked if she was going to a restaurant and she said yes. Given the above, and the current health crisis, I told her to please not go to a restaurant. She slammed away from the table, slammed her chair into the table and stormed out.
AITA? ###### | NTA. You have REALLY valid concerns and there’s a chance for it to be dangerous for you guys. She overreacted to the max.
Stay safe. ###### |
It’s my Girlfriends birthday weekend. My girlfriend told me to reserve her birthday (Sunday) to devote all my time to her. I obliged...
I have some fun and romantic plans for the day. Got a custom cake and a few other goodies.
I blocked off Saturday afternoon for her as well for dinner with her family and whatever else.
I told her I’m engaging in a hobby of mine I haven’t gotten to do since lock down started on Friday.
I got absolutely flamed for not “wanting to spend time with her” even though she never said anything about that day.
Am I the asshole for wanting to do my thing instead of spending time with her? ###### | NTA. You have put the day aside plus blocked off half of the day before. If she wanted you to give up your Friday she should have said something earlier. NTA ###### |
Just for context: I (F18) have dated a guy (M22) for about 9 months, but never really loved him. He knew it, because at the first time he asked me, I denied, saying that I only see him as a friend. So he told me that if I didn't date him, he wouldn't have a reason to live - I was sooooo worried that I ended up accepting. We had a really bad relationship and broke up several times, but he always came to my door crying to ask for a chance and I was too afraid to deny since I knew what he would do.
In January, I received a very good job offer in another city, so I won't work with him anymore. A couple days after I started to work, he broke up with me. The inner me was so glad that he did it, to be honest.
Months without seeing him and working in a good place, I finally discovered that I'm lesbian. That explains a lot in our relationship as a couple.
His friends found out my twitter and saw me talking about Pride Month, 2 of them even replied to me saying that I was just confused because I had dated a guy before.
I didn't care at first, but an ex friend of mine texted me saying that I'm destroying his life because everyone is making fun of him for making me 'turn out as a lesbian' and I told her that it's not my problem because I have no control of what they do and say, she said that I'm insensitive towards him because I know he has problems with depression and anger, which is true.
(Don't be so focused on our relationship. This is about my decision to come out knowing all his problems). ###### | NTA. You have no responsibility to his life or how he is teased; you're just living your life.
Also, just because someone has problems with depression and anger doesn't mean you should selectively closet yourself because you think living your life might cause a reaction in them. If they are reacting to you living your life, without you interacting with this person or antagonizing them in anyway, that is their problem and not yours.
Again, NTA. ###### |
She’s my father’s daughter, and was born shortly before the start of the pandemic. The pandemic isn’t why I’m not visiting, rather due to the lack of a relationship with my father.
My parents divorced when I was very young, and my dad played the whole ‘I’ll make plans to come visit you, but never show up’ game for years - about up to the time of me being around 13. I was very upset with him when he tried actually popping into my life during my early teens, and told him I was disowning him.
After a few years of him weathering me down, I’m in a somewhat cordial relationship with him now. He messages me ceaselessly with “Good morning Beautiful” and “Hi princess” (which makes me feel uncomfortable because guys trying to get in my pants say stuff like that, not my dad ew), and gets very upset and accusatory whenever I don’t message him back.
Now he’s had a daughter, and desperately wants me to visit her. Only problem is that I don’t see him as a dad and whatever blood me and that kid share is akin to being from a blood donation in my mind. He’s basically some annoying weirdo trying to guilt trip me into having a bond with him, and despite me bringing it up several times he just doesn’t realize that he has to actually put effort into forming a bond.
(Guilt trip level like 100, accusing me of turning my back on my family and history and of hating him and blah blah blah. )
So, AITA for not visiting my “sister”.
Pandemic stay at home not withstanding, because that’s not the reason I’m not visiting. ###### | NTA. You have no obligation to visit them; he has been putting the minimum possible effort to have a relationship with you. ###### |
My entire childhood and adolescence life I strived to be this independent woman. I am now 27 and a housewife.
The other day I drove to my hometown to visit with a few friends (restrictions have been laxed in my province). We were catching up talking about our lives and having a blast. Of course our careers came up in conversation. Both are well established in their respective fields. Previously I was working in healthcare and they were surprised I am no longer working.
They ask why. I reply, "My partner is doing very well in his field and are financially well, he even has gotten two promotions since working for this company after three years! We decided since my health is not the best it would be beneficial for me to stay home and take care of the house." Also, my partner works out of town for a month at a time and I was working full time, so splitting house work is not very feasible.
We continued our night having a few drinks and playing games. The next day as I'm driving home I recieve a few texts saying along the lines of, "we're glad you're doing well but I cant believe you had the balls the rub it in our faces that you are not working and are a housewife. We thought you were a feminist and had more respect for yourself "
I am proud of my partner, I thought I explained my life choices in a non intrusive way. But now I am starting to think otherwise.
So Reddit, AITA for leaving my career to take care of the home?
TLDR; Left my career in healthcare to become a housewife. Which upset my friends who are "woke" as I also bragged about my financial situation. ###### | NTA. You have made valid life choices. Don’t let these women bring you down. Who knows what baggage they are carrying that made them react this way.
Feminism should embrace all choices a woman can make for herself. It doesn’t prescribe a single life path. ###### |
Recently my grandad has been in hospital for a reason I’m not sure I can mention, but you can probably guess. Prior to that he had other health complications so I thought it’d be nice to get all of my cousins to make a video for him wishing him to get well soon and that we all love him. I have a pretty big family so it was a bit of a nightmare.
Now here’s the issue, we weren’t sure when my grandad would be released from hospital, so I gave everyone a deadline to send me a video to include. They had two days to make me a 10 second video. Easy, right? Wrong..
Everyone apart from one cousin managed to send me a video, and to be fair I completed the video and sent it to my grandad. Since then all hell has broken loose. My aunt thinks I’m the devil, and that I purposefully didn’t include my cousin to be mean (I didn’t.. I sent multiple reminders and she promised she’d get it to me and then didn’t). Now she’s stirring the pot with my other aunts, and one of them thinks I purposefully didn’t include her grandson because he has a speech problem I wasn’t even aware about because they live on the other side of the world and I’ve never met him (he’s like 3). I specifically asked my cousin/his dad to include him but for some reason he didn’t and only sent one of himself which was fine I thought.
So now my aunt is pissed at me for making my 14yo cousin cry because she wasn’t able to send me a video in time, and my other aunt who I actually get on with thinks I didn’t include her grandson because of a speech impediment I didn’t even know about.
This was supposed to be a nice thing for my grandad but now everyone hates me.
Reddit, AITA? ###### | NTA. You have given them enough chances to complete the video and they didn't. You are perfectly entitled to send the video to your grandfather as you have kept the two day deadline. ###### |
My mum has always been pretty dramatic, she is a severe alcoholic and I would have cut her out of my life completely already if it weren’t for me trying to stay in contact with my two step sisters (aged 9 & 10) who still live with her. I (24f) don’t live with them.
She has caused a major string of events this year already which has taken a major strain on my mental health. My dad and other sister (30f) who refuse to speak with my mum keep reminding me how she’ll never change and she’ll only continue to make me feel worse about myself.
I tried begging my mother to give up the alcohol for a while and hopefully rekindle our relationship, and I was really proud of her 26 day achievement.. but then she relapsed hardcore.
This time she was vulgar and rude, she degraded me in ways which I took really personally. She mentioned how I failed to do certain things in the past and perhaps I should try harder in the future..
I stopped talking to her, I blocked and deleted her.
Fast forward-
I had her children (my step-sisters) over on Saturday.. mum called off sisters phone.. mum was drunk again at 11am demanding to talk to me.
I was reluctant but had no choice to talk to her, she was curious as to why I have blocked her.. she does not remember any of the drunkenly rude things she said to me and more importantly, she said “well I’m not gonna apologise for something I don’t remember saying” “you’re the one with issues, we’re family, I thought we were friends”
I hung up and blocked her. I was upset with her response and felt it was unfair.
I’m tired of having to ‘forgive and forget’.. I’m tired of the fact that she makes me feel like garbage about myself.
basically.. AITA for not giving my mum an explanation for why I no longer want to speak to her? ###### | NTA. You have given her a plethora chances and she has thrown each one out the window. ###### |
I recently found out that the ring my fianceè proposed to me with is the same ring he used several years ago to propose to a girl he ended up not marrying. She didn't say no, but she left him like two weeks before their wedding. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but all I can think about is them when I look at the ring, not us.
WIBTA if I asked if we could pick out a different ring together, something that was for us instead? ###### | NTA. You have every right to want your own ring, that isn't at all unreasonable. ###### |
My son is 5 years older and ever since his first word I've been speaking to him in Arabic just as my mother did with me. He's picking the language up pretty quickly and I'm also teaching him French and German as I know it's easier for children to pick up languages. I've also been teaching him about Islam through bed time stories and he's started to copy me when I do my prayers which just melted my heart.
Before he was born I had a discussion with my wife that I'd like to raise our Children as Muslims but I'm not going to force it upon them and they can choose when they grow up. I did have my son circumcised however, with my wife's consent, for medical reasons as well.
It's currently the month of Ramadan which means I'm fasting from sunrise to sunset, when my son learn this he wanted to copy me. He was having lunch with my wife whilst I was working in my office and asked where I was. He then refused to eat and said he wanted to be like me. I had a talk with him and explained he was too young and he needs to eat so he can be big and strong like me. He still wants to try however so we agreed on him doing half days like we usually do with children.
My wife is very unhappy however and has said that it's unfair we're bonding over so many things and she feels like he's ignoring her. She agreed that languages are useful to him, but she wants me to stop teaching him Arabic and wants me to do my "Muslim stuff" away from him. ###### | NTA. You have every right to teach your child your cultural heritage and language(s). Your wife also has the right to bond with him over her cultural practices as well. Neither of you should interfere with either of you bonding with your son.
Frankly, your wife is probably just jealous. He’s a little boy and he seems to be at an age where he idolizes you as his male role model. Don’t pull back on your role, but give your wife additional opportunities to bond by proposing dates with mommy, or fun activities just with mom. ###### |
Firstly, I know this sounds weird but bare with me.
I’m a 15 year old girl(?) and suffering from diagnosed depression. I was crying in my room and my mum walked into my room and started saying things like “be happy!” “You can’t be sad all the time” “it isn’t that bad” “you’re self-pitying!” And I lashed out. I told her I was depressed and blah blah blah. She told me to just bE hApPy ArOuNd HeR and I screamed “NO! I CAN’T JUST BE HAPPY WHEN IM F*CKING DEPRESSED” she then left and it’s been a day. She came into my room a while ago and told me I wasn’t depressed,that I was being dramatic and I shouldn’t have to go to the school councillor. She’s starting to make me confused. Can you someone please tell me if I’m in the wrong? ###### | NTA. You have diagnosed depression so a medical professional with years of training has confirmed your state. You're not making it up, it's real and as someone who also suffers, you have my sympathy.
All of my friends know and understand this is who I am but I did used to say to people. "I had a friend tell me to 'get over' my depression so I broke his leg and told him to 'walk it off'." ###### |
So my (f22) bf (m22) mentioned that he and his coworker send weird hentai to each other as a joke. I immediately got annoyed and told him it was inappropriate and I wasn’t comfortable with it. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with it but told me he wouldn’t do it if it made me uncomfortable. He tells me I guess your right. I wasn’t trying to make this about me being right or trying to attack him, I told him I was just trying to get my feelings across. He just responded with I understand and that was it. Now he isn’t texting me. Was I blowing this out of proportion? This all happened over text btw.
Edit: the coworker was female. That’s why I was upset. ###### | NTA. You have a right to be uncomfortable about anything remotely sexual involving another person! ###### |
Some background: My husband has been helping his mother pay for rent/bills for a while now since his father has been out of the picture and there's almost no contact. About a year into our relationship, I was asked for help here and there as well.
My parents are still together and they're better off, so I have been fortunate not face anything like this growing up. They've never asked for help from me or my siblings, so maybe I just do not understand my husband's point of view.
Husband has two younger siblings (ages 12 and 16) who still live with his mom, whom he also helps support. MIL was laid off last year and did not want to look for a job so she could 'finally relax' for a bit. This infuriated me since she has two younger children still living with her, yet still had my husband help out with finances. Now with the pandemic, work is hard to find. I told him I understand that it'll be hard to find work, so as long as she's actively trying to find work, I'll be more patient.
My husband is in the Navy so he said he feels comfortable still helping out his mother, but now we're talking about having kids. I told him I refuse to start having kids until his mother can support herself. He's told me I don't understand, but I also do not want to worry about supporting children while we're still worrying about helping his mother out. I told him I can wait as long as it takes, just as long as she's independent before we think about having kids.
AITA? ###### | NTA. You have a point and I think you should definitely have follow up conversations about it. Is he giving her a lot of money? When you have kids, how do you see raising them? Kids are really expensive not to mention birthing them can be expensive if you have any complications. How many children do you want? How are you saving now? These are all things that would be good to think about then talk to your husband. It may help if you have a budget outlined and show him how giving her that money takes away from the future of your kids. You need to be looking towards retirement too because you don’t want to be a burden on your children because you spent your money on her instead of saving.
I don’t necessarily think your husband is an AH either. But he needs to think about how this affects his own future. It doesn’t make him a bad son if he stops helping but he may need to work through that with you and a marriage counselor. ###### |
So my girlfriend told me that she wanted to show me an interesting prayer in her religion (she's Hindu btw and I'm a Catholic). I told her very politely that I will watch her say the prayer and not do it as I don't believe in her gods.
Christianity is based on monotheism and I cannot pray or worship another god, but I shall definitely stand and respect all gods and rituals and definitely celebrate their festivals.
She got offended and said that I wasn't tolerant towards other religions and that I was disrespecting her God, religion and beliefs by not taking part.
She then told me that when she was in a Christian school, she said all her prayers to Jesus. I told her that was a personal choice and that my belief is that there is only one God and all other religions are praying to different forms of that God.
She wouldn't listen to any of it. AITA? ###### | NTA. You handled this exactly right, you were respectful toward her religion without violating your own religious beliefs. ###### |
I (18F) live with my mom, dad, eldest sister(26F), her husband (23M) and their three little girls(9,7,1) I have spinal problems due to a stair incident in 7th grade. Blah blah blah pandemic keeps me from doctors blah blah losing mobility in hips down blah blah need cane and constant medication to walk normally. I’m upstairs doing my coursework and my cane is hanging on the chair next to me. My sister comes up to feed the baby and moves my cane. Which usually is, like, whatever, i move it to my lap or on the back of my chair. But this time she moves it a few feet out of reach near the kitchen counter. Still whatever, I just point out that I can’t reach my cane from there and she says ‘well it’s not like your going anywhere anyways’ which, rude, but fair enough I’m working at that moment so it’s whatever. I pause my work and play with the baby. I help feed her, everything is fine, I’m getting tired and my sister takes the baby when she’s done eating. She’s in the kitchen and I need to get up so I can go and rest but my cane’s too far. My sisters husband comes upstairs with a sippy cup and before he passes me I ask ‘Hey (HISNAME), can you pass me my cane? (SISTER) put it too far’. Cue sister getting huffy and her husband rolling eyes asking how I could be blaming her. I’m tired, I just want to nap. He hands me my cane I bid them adieu and leave to take my nap. Sister is offended by this whole interaction. Am I the asshole? ###### | NTA. You handled it very nicely. Your sister and her husband sound like jerks. ###### |
AITA for not changing my wedding date to make my sibling feel better?
My sibling was supposed to be getting married in October of this year. I am planning to get married to my fiancé in October of next year (we picked October as it is near our dating anniversary). Due to COVID19, my sibling is having to cancel their wedding and are changing their date to next year. My sibling wants me to change the date of my wedding so that our weddings aren’t so back to back. I haven’t committed to any vendors yet so I could, but feel I shouldn’t have to.
AITA if I don’t change want to change the date? ###### | NTA. You had this date and it means something to you. They can choose a different date ###### |
So my (33F) daughter is 16 and my sister is 23.
My sister is obsessed with her instagram, like she posts 3-4 times a day, she’s got an “appearance” and “standards”
My daughter has struggled with her weight for a while, she’s 1.8metres tall (?) And 13stone, our goal is to get her down to 11stone.
My sister took a picture of her and my daughter and posted it on Instagram, my daughter was really excited but when she checked it she got really upset - she hasn’t left her room yet.
My sister had heavily edited the picture so my daughter looked skinny.
I was extremely angry and phoned my sister to tell her to take it down/ post the unedited photo, she refused telling me that she just wanted to show the world what a beautiful girl my daughter was and that she promotes health.
My daughter is trying to lose weight, it isn’t her fault *and* she’s a beautiful, growing girl! My sister has crushed her.
So I commented “I’m ashamed, my daughter is beautiful without the heavy editing going on in this photo, be ashamed *sister* for body shaming a teenager, take this down immediately and apologise”
My sister didn’t see it in time and got a bunch of negative comments, she took it down but phoned me in tears saying I hurt her and that she’s sorry but she didn’t mean it etc.
My husband thinks that I went overkill.
AITA? ###### | NTA. You had the courtesy to call her and ask her first. She is only upset because you called her BS in the comments section. She only removed the photo because she was afraid for her 'branding' and appearing tone deaf. ###### |
Just to preface this, my wife is wonderful and almost never gets me upset, and I’m just making this thread to see if I did something wrong and need to apologize to her.
So I was talking with my two friends, one who just moved across the country, and we were planning a gaming night to catch up and spend time together.
My wife mentioned later that day that my family was having a birthday party for my niece, but told me she was just gonna go. Normally she’ll ask my to come, and since she said only she was going, I assumed it wasn’t a big thing and she was just going to visit her family.
So she goes to the party and has fun, and I’m getting ready for the game night. Then, about one hour before my friends and I said we were gonna play, my wife starts calling and texting me, telling me she wished I was at the party too (which is understandable because we always have fun together at parties), but then she started making me feel bad about not going, even though I already told her I was going to be with friends that day.
She called me in front of her family and they would always take her phone so they could yell at me and tell me “it’s your nieces birthday today” and “don’t play games with your friends, you’re always in your room playing games” (even though I’m not, I’m usually working in my room). And I got frustrated and started ignoring my wife’s calls because at this point it felt like she was just getting mad at me for not cancelling plans with my friends because she wanted me to be at a party with her.
Also for the record, I ALWAYS go to family parties with her and this is the first one I’ve skipped, which made me really upset that the one time I didn’t go was the biggest deal to her and my family.
TL;DR: Made plans to play games with friends, wife tells me later that there’s a family birthday party but it’s okay if I don’t go. Once she’s at the party she changes her mind and gets mad at me for not cancelling plans with my friends to go to the party with her ###### | NTA. You had plans, and she knew. Trying to get you to break a commitment that late in the game is rude. ###### |
So, I've been living with her for almost 4 months now and recently I started to have issues about my personal space being invaded while I'm working.
Last time it happened I had to make an evaluation online and she didn't stop trying to be all over me or in front of the pc screen so, obviously, I told her to go into her room and let me alone because this was something important and I didn't wanted to be bothered.
She left, I closed her door and could hear inside of her room, making angry sounds and throwing stuff.
I have to be honest, I really like to have her around me and cuddle together but not all times, I really need my space sometimes and just can't let her crawl all over myself just because she feels cold or unattended.
So, AITA for don't let her do what she wants? I know it's just a cat but she's really upset with me. ###### | NTA. You had me in the first half, not gonna lie. ###### |
Due to current global circumstances all our staff meetings are through a zoom like platform.
While we were waiting for the office manager to get on, everyone was showing off their pets and then the moms in there group started to talk about their kids, etc.
My coworker (35F), lets call her Z, was talking her daughter (7) being stubborn and “unwilling to do anything she doesn’t want.” Ya know. It’s whatever, nobody cared cause this meeting wasn’t about people’s children or their parenting. I basically forgot she said anything about her kid.
This is where I may have been an ass:
At the end of our meeting Z grabbed her daughter walking by and shoved her in front of the camera and said “here’s miss brat who never listens!” and I just got annoyed and said “we love strong women, don’t change!”
It’s just a personal annoyance of mine when people talk down about their kids, but I’m not a parent. So I really can’t say whether or not that’s normal, but as someone who came from an abusive home growing up, it rubbed me the wrong way.
My other coworker after the meeting said that was a dick move but I don’t think I was being an ass, just trying to make light of a weird way to describe and then show off your child. AITA?
If I am an asshole, I’ll say sorry to Z but she hasn’t said anything to me directly but I could tell it annoyed her.
(Also, I’m 25F to make it more clear) ###### | NTA. You had like 1 second to think of a response to someone deciding to humiliate her kid by calling her names in front of a crowd of unfamiliar adults. I think it was a great response that supported the kid without being directly hostile or nasty to the mom. ###### |
This happened last year, but I've had it on my mind for a while lately and want an outside opinion. Last year, I found out I was pregnant and my husband (29M) and I (26F) were ecstatic. An important thing to note is that while we hadn't told some friends and acquaintances about the pregnancy, our immediate families/close friends were made aware after a couple weeks. One of the screenings came back with abnormal results, and after getting diagnostic tests done it was basically 99% confirmed that our baby had severe genetic disorders. If our child was born, it would almost definitely not be able to have a normal life and would need a full-time caretaker. My husband and I both work demanding jobs with long hours, and we live in a city with crazy rent prices that would make it unaffordable if one of us quit full-time for good. Also, as awful and selfish as it sounds, I was only 25 and deep down didn't want to spend the rest of my life caring full-time for a child that might never get to experience a full life. So we aborted the baby. According to both of our families and even some close friends, we're the worst people on the planet. My MIL accused us of trying to "forget" about the baby because some people still don't know I had been pregnant (I didn't have much of a belly at all and honestly just looked like I'd gained 10 extra pounds) and hasn't spoken to us in months, and my sister said that it's evil that we're still planning to try for another baby soon, and if I'd "just keep aborting" until I got a "normal kid". So, was I an asshole? My husband and I took the decision we thought would be the best for us, but I know it wasn't right to abort the baby just because of its problems it was definitely not an easy decision. ###### | NTA. You guys did what was best for you and that’s all that matters. Millions of women - including me - would have done exactly the same thing. ###### |
New account for privacy.
I (39F) have been with my boyfriend (40M) for a little over two years. Recently, I have come into a significant amount of money that would allow me to quit my day job and pursue my dream career, or if saved and invested carefully, retire fully. I haven’t disclosed this information to my boyfriend.
I love him, and he says he loves me. Toward the beginning of our relationship, there was a lot of discussion about marriage and spending the rest of our lives together. Both of us are divorced and this would be a second marriage for us.
My issue is that his ex-wife and him are still very friendly. They share no children but communicate daily and even have platonic lunches and dinners together. When asked about this, he stated that there will be a part of him that always cares for her and that he needs to be there for her because she doesn’t have anyone else, especially now during the pandemic. I am trying to be understanding about this.
I haven’t told him about my recent windfall because I don’t want him to feel pressure to cut her out of his life and choose me because of the money. I also don’t want to feel obligated to help his ex financially because they are still close friends (which could be a possible conversation that comes up). I do want him, and there’s no one I’d rather share this good fortune with. Everything else in our relationship is going well, and I do feel he could be the one.
He is in a very good job that he can support himself with, although he doesn’t at all enjoy his work. I could offer him a way out of it and I feel guilty about keeping this from him. At the same time, I would like to know how he sees us moving forward before I tell him about the money. AITA? ###### | NTA. You guys aren’t married so you shouldn’t feel obligated to tell him about this money. I would communicate to him that him being extra friendly with this ex wife is really bothering you. I dont think you should tell him unless you are certain he’s in it for the long run. ###### |
AITA for not helping out my stepmom in caring for my father?
My father and his wife have a 22 year age gap. I don't really have much of a relationship with my dad and maybe call him once a year on his birthday. His health has worsened in the last few years and now needs assistance to perform his day to day normal activities
Their daughter is 13 and obviously can't help much. Since they live in another state, I've tried to offer help by sending them money. I even told his wife that maybe it's time he is sent to a nursing home. She got really offended at the idea and told me that she wouldn't abandon him.
She wants me or my sister to come down to their state to help her out. I honestly don't know how. We are currently caring for our mom and stepdad. Our stepdad is going through chemotherapy, and we are looking after him and mom.
It's just not possible for us to move to another state right now.
I understand that she is doing it all alone. But I don't know I can help. She's not willing to move him to a home.
AITA ? ###### | NTA. You guys aren’t close, and it’s unreasonable of her to assume you’d move to another state to take care of him when he needs it. That’s not how it works, especially when you’re already taking care of your stepdad.
I’m sorry btw. It sounds like a lot to go through. ###### |
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