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black_mirror_scripts_S1-5

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typically loud and crowd-pleasing style.
Someone's bold? Do I know you?
Nice way to greet a voter.
Sorry, I thought...
Actually, I'm more of a rival.
"Hey Mister Monroe, Mister Monroe.
Why are you ignoring me, Mister Monroe".
You're good at that.
Because I am "that".
What? You're that thing?
Waldo's not a "thing". He's a bear.
Liam Monroe calls him worse.
Nice work there, by the way.
Yeah, well. It's dick jokes at his expense basically.
Another one?
Okay. One.
The way you describe it,
it's like you're doing this for a showreel.
No, but...
Like this place is the equivalent of a walk-on in a sketch show.
Shhh!
But your party leader has to show up because it's a mid-thing-
Midterm by-election.
Terminology tits.
You are twelve.
So because leaderballs is there, suddenly it's walk-on
in a Ricky Gervais sketch show so it's good exposure.
You're not gonna win, you know you're not gonna win.
Come on, shhh.
You're not gonna win though.
Of course not.
So why not be honest? Say "You arseholes aren't going
to vote for me, so here's what I think anyway."
It doesn't work like that.
Nothing does, that's why everything's bollocksed.
You're angry for someone who's doing well.
I'm the voice of a blue bear.
If that's doing well, then we are doomed.
I can't see.
(Jamie) Hang on, there's a thing.
Have you had a fox in here or do you live like a 14-year-old?
Don't get too excited, I'm not sleeping in it.
Shit, really?
(loud moaning)
You're amazing.
Sorry?
You're amazing?
Ha! Thank you.
(sighs)
What's up?
Nothing.
Are you sure?
It's just...
I haven't been happy in a while
and this is good, you know.
Mm.
Can I have your number?
Yes.
null
Where's our mark this morning?
We're out on the road.
Ooh. Bien sur.
Hello. I'm Mister Monroe.
Vote for me and keep things shitty.
(laughs)
(cell beep)
Vote Waldo. Vote Waldo.
Vote Waldo. Vote Waldo.
(Gwendolyn) You're right. Strong Tory.
I warned you.
You know you're on Monroe turf when they live so far apart.
(horn honks)
(man) I'm voting Waldo!
I met Waldo last night.
Jamie, the guy who plays him. He's fun.
Fun?
Mmm-hmm.
Did you tell him anything about our campaign?
Not really.
Not really or no?
Not really.
Look, he's okay.
He's a comedian.
He's mocking Monroe now, it'll be you next.
His act is all f-this and penis jokes.
- But... - Don't see him again.
Okay. Job done till the husting tomorrow.
Some media students doing a Question Time type thing;
they've asked Waldo to join the panel.
Oh, come on. It's my nightmare, going on Question Time.
It's students, you'll walk it.
I can't answer serious questions!
No one wants you to!
You're the comic relief, lighten up.
Just have a look. I'm sure you'll find lots in there.
(cell rings)
(Roy) Are there any issues you're concerned about at all?
(ringing stops)
(disconnect tone)
Hey.